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Howard started the show talking about how busy the show was going to be. He said he feels like he's on vacation being there. He said his days are shorter there than on AGT. He said he was doing 15 hour days in Chicago. He said the talent out there was great. Howard said he figured New York and Los Angeles would have the most talent but it turns out Chicago did this time. Robin asked if he's ever been there. Howard said he was offered a job out there and he went out and was squired around by the program director there. Howard said he barely remembers it though. He said it was at night and freezing cold that time. This time it was in the 70s and it was great. Howard said he went to the restaurant RPM and had a great time.
Howard said Jimmy Kimmel is there so he wanted to get him in. Howard had the guys bring him in. Howard said Jimmy is thin and he's not even running or in the gym. Howard said he watches what he eats and he has a treadmill desk. He said he would have goofed on that years ago but now he won't. He said Jimmy is smart. Jimmy said it's a treadmill that has a desk about 4 feet high. He said it looks ridiculous. He said it's that creepy color that looks like fake body parts but it works.
Howard said people don't know how hard it is to put a show together. Howard said on Sunday he put in about 3-4 hours of material for the show. He said he was reading notes about the guests and it was a long day. Howard asked when Jimmy gets to work. Jimmy said it's at 10am. He said they tape from 6-7pm. He said he does homework and stuff after the show. Howard said it's his whole life. Howard said people don't realize what heroes they are.
Robin asked about Jimmy's whole day being taken up by a one hour show. Howard said that's because they do all of those bits.
Jimmy said he likes the new operation they have there. He said he was in a smaller dirty room with his name on it instead of the bigger dirty room. Howard said they're going to paint that room but he's on a tight budget and he wants Sirius to pay for it. Howard said he thinks they're going to have a green room renovation. Jimmy said it needs to be boiled, not painted. He said they have a pillow in the room that looks like it could have been used by Liberace as a sex aid.
Howard said when he got there they gave him anything he asked for. He said the carpeting looks gross and the walls are disgusting. He said now they tell him he has to do it. Jimmy said his son is moving out of his dorm room and he has some furniture he could use. Howard said he has no idea how frustrating it is there right now. Jimmy said it is better than it was before. He said he thinks he got Chlamydia the last time he was there.
Howard said they have JJ Abrams coming in today and Rod Stewart too. He said he knows Jimmy had Rod on his show just the other day. Howard said he's trying to make it nicer there. He said they'll get there eventually. He said he'd rather give the budget to the guys who write the show. He said he thinks Sal could do a good job painting but they have to have union guys doing it.
Jimmy said that Benjy saved him this morning. He said he wasn't on the guest list but Molly was. He said that they gave him a visitor pass to get up there. He said that Howard can read what they wrote on it. They had his name as Kinney James. Howard said he's had 50 fucking meetings about this. He said he wants someone down there to greet the guests. He said they need someone down there. Ronnie came in and said that he was on his way down. He said his name was in the system so he's not sure what the problem was. Howard said they need someone down there either way.
Howard said Jimmy should become Kinney James. Jimmy said it is a great Vegas name. Howard said he should change his name to Jay. He said that he could be the Jay in late night. Robin said Jay has never been able to hold on to a job. Howard said Jay has had that one for a long time.
Howard asked why Jimmy wasn't in the system. Gary and Ronnie both said he was. Gary said they're going to get someone else to stand down there for the guests. He said he'll have someone other than Ronnie. Ronnie said he's usually down there a half hour before they get there. Howard said there are holes in the system. Jimmy said the guys at security are more thorough than they used to be.
Gary said he used to see the same guy there every day. One day he left his wallet at home. He said he had to call up to get his name on the list. He said the guy sees him every day and the guy said he has never seen him before. Gary said he's the idiot that says hello to him every morning. Gary said his boss told him to let him in.
Howard asked Jimmy if he has one of those faces where people don't recognize him. He said they went out to dinner on Saturday night with their wives. Howard said that Jimmy was in town and he's rarely there. Howard said Jimmy and Molly are like their only friends. He said that they spruced up the apartment and lit some candles in his bathroom. Howard said he's a dude so he doesn't do that. Howard said he keeps his computer in there though. He said Beth made him do it anyway. He said that's why the candle was in there. Jimmy said he thought it was there because he had recently used it. Howard said he never shits in that bathroom. He has an office bathroom that he shits in.
Howard said they prepared the apartment and went out and got wine for them. Howard said they came over and he said to Beth that they like a bit of a scene. Howard said they like happening place. Jimmy said that's really not true. He said they think the same thing about Howard when he comes out to Los Angeles. Howard said he never gets to talk to Jimmy so he wanted to talk. He said he told Beth that they were taking them out to Danielle restaurant. Howard said they have the finest food in Manhattan there. Howard said that's where Robin ordered the $800 bottle of wine. Howard said the bottle they had with Jimmy was like $235. He said he knew he was picking up the tab. He said he can't tell the difference between that and a $25 bottle. Jimmy said he's the same way.
Howard said he got a book of wines and looked for one. He said he didn't know what to pick. He said he told the waiter they weren't sophisticates. He asked him to pick one but not break the bank. Howard said the guy asked questions about what they wanted and he picked one out for them.
Jimmy said he went to see if they had a dress code at the restaurant and he wasn't able to find anything. Howard said he was wondering about that. He said that Molly and Jimmy came down the hall when they went to pick them up. Howard said he saw Jimmy wearing a checkered shirt that looked like a tablecloth from a cheap restaurant. Howard said he knew he was going to need a jacket. Howard said he looked like he was going to The Olive Garden for a business meeting. Howard said they got there and the maitre d got a hold of Jimmy immediately. Jimmy said he asked Molly what she thought and he figured they wouldn't make him wear a jacket there. He said he's a celebrity so they wouldn't do that to him. Howard said when you're on at 11:30 you'd think that's what they'd do. Jimmy said he was forced to put on someone's student council jacket from 1985. Howard said there was a big stain on it too. He said that they made him wear that jacket. Howard said maybe they didn't recognize him.
Howard said Jimmy walked over to his apartment and no one even bothered him. Jimmy said it wasn't so bad wearing a rented jacket for the evening. He said he thinks it was to punish him for not wearing his own. Jimmy said they had him wearing the shit stained jacket. Howard said that was just Kinney James. Jimmy said this might be the beginning of his Baba Booey. Howard said he knows that Jimmy is going to sign everything ''Kinney James'' from now on.
Howard said they had a nice conversation at the restaurant. He said they didn't get out until 11 that night. He said he must have had a good time. He said he was there for like 4 hours. He said they had a good time. Robin asked what they talked about. Howard said they talked about Robin. Jimmy said they did.
Howard said they had an article in the paper about Robin and how important she is to the show. Howard said he knows how important she is but this woman thinks that he doesn't. Howard said if anything happened to her he'd quit doing radio. He said that's how important she is to the show. Howard said the woman got who Robin is and it was very nice. Howard said he didn't show that to Robin because she'd get a big head.
Howard said they spent maybe 15 minutes talking about Robin at dinner. Jimmy said he talked about her last night with Huey Lewis. Howard said Jimmy has moved to 11:30 at night on ABC and he seems to have a lot of celebrity friends. Howard said he thinks it's part of his job now. Howard said it's like they only have famous friends exclusively. Howard said they're always hanging out with famous people. He said he's the darling of Hollywood.
Jimmy said he only tells Howard about that stuff and not going to his cousin Sal's son's basketball game or something. Jimmy said he has guests on the show and he hits it off with them once in a while. He said it comes naturally. He said the relationships come sometimes from mutual friends. Howard said that's how jimmy got to be friends with Jennifer Aniston and people like that. Jimmy said that John Krasinski and Emily Blunt live across the street from them so they got to be friends that way. He said that Justin Theroux is another friend and they got to be friendly with him and Jennifer Aniston.
Howard said he stayed at a hotel out in Mexico and he figured that's what Jimmy would have wanted. Jimmy said he could have stayed at the house. Howard said he was glad he didn't stay there. Howard said it seemed like Jimmy, Molly, Jennifer and Justin were on a schedule and it felt like everyone had to pile out when Jennifer piled out. Howard said that it was kind of odd. Jimmy said he's the one who usually rents the house and she is the one in charge when she rents the house. Howard said Jimmy likes to do his own thing. Jimmy said Howard is in charge of his house and it's on his schedule. Howard said that's different. He said he figured Jimmy would go to a hotel from now on. Jimmy said he would go back to that house. He said it's more fun to be there socializing. He said Howard wouldn't be familiar with that word. Jimmy said that they had their own room in the house and no one is dying to hang out with him.
Howard said he never saw someone get photographed more than Jennifer Aniston. He said that Jimmy was near the balcony talking with the back of his head facing out. Howard said he was glad he wasn't there because he could have been photographed with her. Jimmy said it's crazy. He said that there are people in boats in the ocean photographing everything you do. He said it's weird. Jimmy said that it's not something that happens to him but it happens to her all the time and she's very relaxed about it. Howard said she's very comfortable in a bathing suit hanging outside. Howard said she looks pretty comfortable in that bikini. Howard asked if he can hang out and just stare at her. Jimmy said he hides silently in a corner masturbating.
Howard said Jimmy brought in his fiancee Molly today. Jimmy said she wants to meet JD. Gary said she already met him. Howard asked her to come in and talk about the meeting. Howard asked if she does anything on his show. Jimmy said they put her in bits but they don't identify her.
Gary said that Molly is going to go to the podium so she can leave if she wants. Howard said she looked so good the other night. Molly said she's very uncomfortable. Jimmy said he can tell because she's smiling so much.
Howard said that Molly is very funny when she tweets. He said you can follow her at MollyMcNearney. He had to have her spell her last name. Howard asked if she's going to change her name to Kimmel. She said she won't. She said she's going to keep her last name for professional reasons.
Howard said he thinks that she's going to become Molly Kimmel. She said she might. She said she might have to leave the show when they get married. Howard said he got wind of that. Howard asked if that can work with her being at the same place. Molly said they only see each other about 2 minutes a day there at work anyway. She said they're in two different buildings.
Howard said that he doesn't know if she can stay there the rest of her career. He said that it's going to be a whole different vibe. Howard said she might have to leave.
Howard asked how many people are coming to their wedding. Jimmy said they don't know yet. He said they haven't sent out the invitations yet. Jimmy said they'll have a separate one for Howard. Howard said he thinks that they should keep it small and cut it down by 20 percent. Jimmy said he knows that Howard would like to be in the wedding party but there's no way he would want to be in it. Howard said he would never want to be in it. Jimmy said they decided to have just family in the wedding party. Howard said Beth thought she might be in it but now she knows she won't. Howard said Cousin Sal is going to be in it. Howard said he gets that. Jimmy said his 19 year old son will be too. He said his brother and cousin will also be in it.
Howard said JD met Molly. He asked JD if he liked her. Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were playing clips of JD telling her to do dirty things. They had him saying he wanted to live in her ass and be her tampon.
Howard had JD come in. JD told Molly that wasn't him on the phone. Jimmy said that Molly had something in her mind about JD and what he'd look like and this didn't turn out to be what she expected. JD said Molly came back to see his office and saw what he does back there. Howard said she saw the poster of Stacy Keibler up on his wall. Howard said Molly might have friends that she could get to date him. JD said that no one comes to his office but him. He said he barely has any hot chicks back there. Howard said that he's never going to get Stacy Keibler. Jimmy said that JD has a sweetness to him on the air but then they get little clues about what he's really about and they see a picture of Jenna Jameson on the Sybian hanging in there and they think it's creepy.
Howard said Fred is a great guy and if you want to read about him you can read his stuff on HowardStern.com. He said he found a web site where you can rent a friend. Howard said they're going to rent a few friends for JD to hang out with. JD said he has friends and he's not looking for that. He said he has Molly as a friend now. Howard said Molly will never hang out with him. JD said he was making a joke. He said he has friends that he can hang out with and he hangs out with them when he wants to. Gary said they asked him why he hangs out on Facebook 24 hours a day if he's not looking for friends. JD said that's for picking up chicks.
Howard said JD wants friends because he's on social media all the time. Howard said he just learned that people buy followers on Twitter. Howard asked how expensive that is. Jimmy said his Cousin Sal bought someone like 10,000 followers for a few hundred bucks as a goofy birthday gift.
Howard asked Molly if JD is her favorite on the show. She said he is. She said she loves him on the show. She said he's her favorite.
Howard said he has read that Jimmy has said that he would never date someone he didn't think he could get in high school. Howard asked Jimmy if he thinks he could have gotten her in high school. Jimmy said he should see what she looked like in high school. Jimmy said she was in the 4th grade when he was in high school so he could have. Howard said Beth wasn't even born when he was in college. He said they talk about that all the time.
Gary said they ask JD what he does at night and he just says he was on the internet. JD said he was trying to explain what he does at night. Howard said that was enough of JD so he kicked him out.
Howard asked who he's going to sit with at the wedding. Jimmy said they'll have him sit with whoever he wants. Howard asked if Oprah will be there. Jimmy said no. He said there will be some black people there though.
Gary asked who the biggest celebrity will be. Jimmy said he doesn't like to rank their friends. He said that Don Rickles will be there.
Howard asked Jimmy why he always says that David Letterman was his influence. Jimmy said Dave and Howard are equally as influential. He also told Howard that they never print anything he says about Howard in interviews. He said he may have to talk about no one other than Howard.
Howard asked if Molly met Sal and Richard. Gary said she did and she told them that their work is brilliant. Howard said you can't tell them that or they'll get big heads. Howard said that they have a song that they did about Jimmy's crying. Jimmy had to take his headphones off. He didn't want to hear it. Howard said it was just Jimmy crying. Molly said he had better cry at the wedding. Howard said Jimmy cried over John Ritter dying. Jimmy said death seems to be the trigger. Howard asked if he will cry at the wedding. Jimmy said he might.
Gary said Carolla cried at his wedding. Jimmy said that surprised him because Adam never cries. Jimmy said he wasn't at Adam's wedding. He said that they got married privately. He said he may have had an inkling that he was going to cry so that's why they didn't have him there.
Jimmy said that some of Adam's friends were there. He said they were doing the Man Show together at the time too. He said those things don't enter his head though. Howard said he seems to be giving him a free pass. Jimmy said Adam would never think of getting anyone a gift for their birthday. He said if he gets him something then Adam is like ''Oh shit, now I have to get him a gift.''
Howard asked if they're going to have a formal service. Jimmy said not really. He said he's wearing the same tux he wore to host the Emmy's. Howard told him to get a new one. Jimmy said he hates being fitted and all of that. Howard said he should wear that jacket he got at Danielle the other night.
Howard said he and Jimmy spent some time talking about Jay Leno the other night. Howard said he thinks that it's mind blowing that they're getting rid of him and he thinks it has something to do with Jimmy going to 11:30 at night. Jimmy said maybe it did.
Howard asked Molly what sex is like with Jimmy. Molly said she's leaving. Howard kept going and asked more about it. Molly wasn't saying much. Jimmy said that he's been farting in bed a lot. Howard said doing that is like saying ''Hey, you're not going anywhere and I'm not looking to impress you anymore.'' Jimmy said he's looking to entertain. Howard asked Jimmy if they're done impressing each other now. Jimmy said the farting comes in the morning mostly. Molly said it's cartoonish. Jimmy said he has no idea where it's coming from. Fred played a clip of a fart. Jimmy asked if he was in the bathroom this morning with him. He said that's exactly what it sounds like.
Howard asked Molly if she's ever walked in the bathroom while he's shitting. She said she hasn't. She said he's pretty private about that. Howard asked if Molly pees in front of him. Jimmy said she does sometimes and he doesn't like it.
Howard asked Jimmy how often they're doing it. Molly told Gary to get her out of there. Howard asked if she has a wedding dress picked out. She said she doesn't yet. She said that Beth may be helping her out with that. Howard said Beth sent her some blue panties for the wedding. Howard said he thinks that's kind of hot. Howard said he should have done the same for Jimmy. He said he could have sent some with big skid marks in them.
Howard asked if they're doing it like 3 times a week. Jimmy said it's something like that. Molly didn't want to talk about it. Howard asked her if sex is still enjoyable with him. She wasn't talking. Robin said it must be good if they're getting married.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who congratulated them on their marriage. She said that Jimmy treated her so well in Brooklyn when he was there. Howard hung up on her after she told them that Danielle has a picture of them hanging up there.
Howard said he has Eric the Actor on the phone. Howard said that he can only spend a minute with him though. Howard let Jimmy say hello to him. Jimmy said that he feels like he's in trouble hearing Eric say ''Good morning.'' Eric said he was wondering if Jimmy got his message of condolences when his uncle died. Jimmy said he doesn't think he did. He said that was a could of years ago. Howard asked if he had anything else to talk about. He said he'll just talk to Eric later. Howard asked Jimmy what he calls Eric. Jimmy said he likes Eric the Actor but he knows he wants to be called Eric the Midget again. Howard said he wants to be known as The Actor Formerly known as Eric the Midget. Jimmy said that rolls right off the tongue. Eric said he's been enjoying Jimmy's show. He said he watches nightly.
Howard asked Eric if he would be the ring bearer at the Kimmel wedding. Eric said he would not. Howard said that's just what Molly wants. He said she wants to make a complete joke of her wedding. Howard said they could hide Eric under her wedding dress and have him pop out. Jimmy said they'll do something funny at the wedding. He said it won't be that funny but it'll be funny.
Howard asked Molly if she's going to wear a big wedding dress. She said she will. Howard said he can't see that. Howard said that JJ Abrams is there and he's not sure if they're staying. Jimmy said he has to go at some point. Gary said that Jimmy and JJ have to leave at the same time so JJ wants him to stick around.
Howard said that there is no hotter director now than JJ Abrams. Howard said he has the new Star Trek movie out. Jimmy said he saw it. Howard said he wants to see it too.
Howard wrapped up with Molly and gave Jimmy a plug. He said that he's going to call him Kinney James all day. He said that Rod Stewart will be in later too. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said that ZZ Top will be in tomorrow to perform. Howard said they have so much gear in Scott's studio it's crazy. Gary said they were there sound checking yesterday. He said they're doing their new song and also doing La Grange. Howard said he loves those guys. Jimmy said he doesn't think they'll show up. He said they don't seem to be morning people. Jimmy said he heard a story about how they were supposed to do a show at 10pm and didn't show up until 4 in the morning.
Howard said JJ Abrams is there and he's huge in the movie business now. Howard said he remembers him when he was doing ''Felicity.'' Howard said now he's a huge deal.
Howard said that they were just talking about how out of control things are with JJ. He said that he has the new Star Trek movie coming out and Jimmy liked that. Howard said he wasn't just saying that because JJ is there. Howard said the fans are fucking assholes so they'll be comparing this one to the first one. Howard said that JJ must be burnt out. JJ said he is from traveling so much for the press tour. Howard said he sounds awful. JJ said thanks. He said that he really loves Howard and he wants to be there so just imagine if he didn't want to be there.
Howard said JJ must hate the fame now. He said that he has to go out and do all of the promotion and stuff. JJ said it's actually a lot of fun. He said that he likes going to Moscow and things like that.
Howard asked JJ what the worst part is about making films. JJ said that he loves that he's able to just make the films. He said that the truth is that the producing part is the hardest. He said that he doesn't like doing the casting. He said he can't give everyone a part. He said that he's only seen one person who came in and did an awful audition but he turned it around. He said that this guy was a guy who was playing a bad guy in Alias. He said he was way overboard with the character so he asked him to tone it down. He said the guy was able to turn it around and he pulled it off doing the quieter guy. He said it was amazing.
Howard said that casting Star Trek must have been a little easier. He said they cast that Spock guy. JJ said they cast him first. Howard asked if JJ is upset about Shatner calling him a pig for taking over the Star Wars franchise. JJ said that he's not upset about that. He said doing the first Star Trek without him must have driven him nuts. He said that they told Shatner that his character died in the movie so they were just going with that.
Howard asked JJ if he's invited to Jimmy's wedding. Jimmy said he was on the list. JJ said they'll be there. Jimmy said he and JJ are buddies. Howard asked what they're going to do with the people they don't invite. Jimmy said they invite people they regularly socialize with.
Howard asked JJ about the TV pilots that get picked up every season. He said that he knows he's directing movies and doing the Star Wars thing. Howard asked how he's concentrating on all of the stuff he's involved with. Jimmy asked if he pitches the shows himself. He said he figures that he doesn't even know the titles of the shows. JJ said he has people like Jonah Nolan who comes in an pitches a show to them. He said that they work with him on an outline. He said that he has other people who work at Bad Robot helping out with this. JJ said that they would read the outline and script and find someone to write the script with. He said he has Greg and Jonah who run ''Person of Interest'' for him. He said that he didn't create the show. He said if he did then he'd be on the show helping out. He said that he worked on Fringe but he didn't see every episode of it.
Jimmy said there just aren't enough hours in the day to watch all of them. JJ said he loves Fringe. Jimmy got a laugh out of that. JJ said that he loves what they did with the show. He said it was the same thing with Lost. JJ said he's not saying that he loves what he did with the show. He's saying he loves what they did with it.
Howard said JJ's first big hit was Felicity. JJ said that did put him on the map. He said that Howard's kids were in the show. He said that they did a crazy thing where they put his name on the posters like it meant something. He said that they were making it an event. Then Alias happened and he wondered why they were advertising his name on that.
Howard asked JJ if he wrote the new Star Trek. JJ said he did not. He said it was Damon Lindelof and someone else. Howard asked how long it takes to make a movie. JJ said it's a year and a half. Howard asked how the writing works. JJ said that he'll help with scenes and rewriting. He said that they show up whenever they can on the set.
Howard said JJ shouldn't stop making these movies. He said that he shouldn't be a dummy and stop. JJ said he's not sure what will happen. He said this movie took over 4 years to produce. He said the movie studio didn't like that.
Howard asked JJ what he's worth at this point. JJ said he doesn't know. Howard said it has to be more than $100 million. JJ said he really doesn't know. Howard asked if he's the top Jew in Hollywood now. Howard said he must be worth more than Steven Spielberg.
Jimmy told Howard he has to see JJ's office. Howard said he wanted to go out there but he was sick. He said he couldn't get there. Howard asked what's so great about it. JJ said you can make anything you want to there. He said they have a 3D printer there so they can make anything they want. He said they use it for making props and stuff for movies. JJ said the printers are insane.
Howard said he thinks JJ is a genius. He told Jimmy to jerk him off. Jimmy said he can't even imagine explaining what he wants for a movie. Howard asked how he explains it. JJ said he'll talk to the story board artist and visual effects people. He said they work with amazing people. He said they had a fight that was going to take place on the street but they spoke to the Assistant Director who said it would be great on a moving vehicle. He said it turned into a huge sequence. He said that they have to figure out how it's going to look. He said they want to make it look real. He said they shot it outside to make it look real. He said a lot of times scenes outside are shot on a stage. He said your eye tells you it's not sunlight. He said they did things where they were really movie and out in the real sunlight. He said it feels more real that way.
Howard asked how long that scene is. JJ said it's like 90 seconds. Howard said it must cost a lot to shoot that. JJ said that they had a $180 million budget. He said that's huge but it's not as big as you think it is. He said you still have to make choices. JJ said what they did was film almost everything in one place in L.A. He said that saved a ton of money. He said they kept it in the same location and had a bunch of sets. He said they would walk 2 seconds and they'd be on the next set.
Gary came in and said that Jimmy has to go. It turns out he had to go 10 minutes ago. Howard said goodbye to Jimmy and said he hates to say goodbye.
Robin asked JJ if he cares how people watch his movies. JJ said that it is weird when they shoot a movie on a huge film for Imax and someone watches it on something smaller than the negative. He said he will do the same and get the same experience out of a movie though so it's kind of strange.
Howard said he was reading about how Eddie Murphy had called JJ once years ago. Howard said he had to ask him about this. JJ said he wrote a movie called ''Regarding Henry'' and it was at Paramount. He said he got a call that Eddie Murphy wanted to meet. He said he went to meet Eddie and it was this office with no lights on. He said it was a huge office at Paramount. JJ said he went in and there were big body guard type guys there. He said that Eddie was at a desk and he sat in a chair. He said he's kind of short as it is. He said he sank into the chair. He said Eddie was very serious and very quiet. Howard said that it was dark and the guys who were standing didn't leave at any point. JJ said that's right.
Howard asked if he pulled out a flashlight to see what he was doing. JJ said he didn't but it was very uncomfortable. JJ said that it was like Eddie thought that he had called for the meeting. He said he really doesn't know what was going on. He said he left the meeting thinking that he would remember it forever. He said the meeting didn't go anywhere. He said he met this idol of his and he was scared.
Howard said it's weird to pull someone into a dark office and have a bunch of people there. Howard asked if he's trying to be intimidating or is he genuinely odd. JJ said he doesn't know. He said years later they had a conversation at a restaurant and it was fine. He said Eddie didn't even remember that meeting. He said that maybe an agent called the meeting and Eddie didn't call it.
Howard brought up the Star Wars franchise and how JJ is going to be a winner with that. Howard said that he must have thought of it like George Lucas ruined the last 3 movies. JJ said that the first Star Wars movie blew his mind as a kid. He said he sat down with Kathy Kennedy who is producing the movie and they talked about what they wanted to do. He said that she's the president of ILM now. Howard asked if he had to talk to George Lucas. JJ said he's known him for years now. He said the job is to tell a story. Howard asked how this all came about. JJ said Lucas sold his company to Disney. He said that he has no idea what his contract is. He said that he will be involved on some level. Howard asked how he got the call. JJ said he got a call through his agents and he was working on Star Trek at the time. He said he told them no thank you at first. Then they went to other people and came back to him. JJ said that Kathy used to be Steven Spielberg's assistant. He said that she came over to his office and had a talk with him.
Howard asked JJ if he was blown away that they wanted him to direct. JJ said that he and his wife had this big plan to go away with the kids for 6 months. He said everything was set and then Kathy came in. He said he was going to say no thank you. He said that when the meeting was over he felt he had this once in a lifetime opportunity. He said went to talk to his wife and told her what was going on. He said part of him wanted to do it but he said he wasn't going to do it. He said his wife, Katie, told him that she thinks he should think about it. JJ said she gave him the green light to go with it. JJ said that now they're going to London to shoot the movie. JJ said that they're writing the script right now. He said he's going to direct.
Howard asked JJ about a script he wrote for Superman and how it got leaked onto the internet and he abandoned it. Howard asked how it gets leaked. JJ said it was at Warner Brothers and it was an earlier draft. He said he got an email one morning and he saw a review of the script scene for scene. He said it was this massive review. He said it was the comments after it that were awful. He said that they were saying that he had raped their childhood and things like that. JJ said that Warner pulled the plug on it because of that. He said he thinks that the review of the draft didn't help the situation. He said that's why he worries about leaks now. He said that he hates when he goes to the movies and he knows the whole movie. He said he's not inside the movie if it's been spoiled for him. Howard said he hasn't seen that many of the trailers for Star trek. JJ said they like to keep things a surprises. He said that he hates trailers that spoil things. He said they make him crazy.
Howard said this Star Trek is so important to people. He said that's why he has to keep a script quiet. Howard said the fans are so attached to the characters. JJ said when they were shooting in this one area they had photographers taking pictures but he's grateful that they give a shit. He said he's grateful to every fan like that. He said some of them are insane but there are smart and passionate people out there.
Howard asked if he ever brings in the hard core Trekkies in to get their reaction. JJ said he does. He said that he wasn't a big Star Trek fan but some of the writers are. He said that his producing partner wasn't a fan so he wants to make the movie stand on its own.
Howard said he must have had to go back and watch the early movies. JJ said he did for the first one but he didn't want to do that for the second. He said that he didn't want to feel like he was trying to imitate it.
Robin asked if he's a big Star Wars fan. JJ said he is. Howard asked where the new ones pick up. He said they take place after the first 3. Howard said that he doesn't have to deal with the bagged of the first 3. JJ said that's all history. Howard said he's getting the high sign that JJ has to leave. Howard said he has to see this movie. JJ said he wants to set Howard up to see ''Star Trek Into Darkness'' but Howard is so busy. Howard said he's working so many hours with AGT. He said he saw 349 acts in Chicago. He said that was a lot of acts.
Howard said JJ must be under a lot of pressure with this movie. JJ said he always feels pressure. Howard said that Gary just came in so they must really want him out of there. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Rod Stewart is there and he wants to come in and talk to them. Howard said he has a new album out called ''Time.''
Rod came in and said it's so weird to see him because he's such an icon. Rod said Howard is too. Howard said that when he thinks of Rod the most remarkable story is about how he almost didn't put the song Maggie May out. because he didn't like it. Rod said it wasn't him that thought it was shit. He said it was the record company. He said that he didn't think it was that good because it was so rambling. He said it didn't have a catch chorus. Howard said it could have been a huge mistake not putting it out.
Howard said that if you think about music too much it can make you crazy. Howard said that if you get caught up in it then you can go crazy. Rod said he knows that.
Howard said he thinks that's why so many rock stars turn to drugs. Howard said Rod was a big partier. Howard said that Keith Moon could out drink Rod.
Rod said he likes to keep himself fit and he never indulged that much in drugs. He said that he was afraid of losing his voice too so he would stick stuff in his ass. Rod said that Ronnie was having problems with his nose so he would empty cold pills out and stick them up their bum. He said they'd get their high that way and it worked.
Howard asked Rod about his voice and if people always told him that he was too raspy to be a professional. Rod said the only time that happened was back in the 60s when he tried to sign with a record company that turned him down. He said that they didn't sign him and he wrote about that in a song he put out.
Howard said that can wreck your spirit. Rod said his dad kept him going. He said he was very supportive. Howard said that he can see them telling him that he should be doing a manly job like digging coal or something. Rod said going into singing wasn't something that you did back then but his whole family supported him in it.
Howard asked him what turned him on to music. Rod said he liked Otis Redding and performers like that. He said he went to see the Stones perform and they only had like 15 people in the audience. Rod said that he was invited by Mick's girlfriend at the time. They weren't well known at the time either.
Howard asked Rod about going to school and if he was conforming. Rod said he was. He said he was there every day trying to learn even though he wasn't that smart.
Howard asked if he wanted to give up at any point and got discouraged. Rod said there were many times like that. Howard asked if it's true that he was discovered singing on the train tracks somewhere. Rod said that's true. He said he would sing in the train stations and he would ask for money from people. He said that he was playing harmonica on the floor and the guy who discovered him approached him with this nose sticking out and he asked him to join his band as a back up singer.
Howard said the next big thing was Jeff Beck. He said Rod hooked up with him. Rod said there were a couple of other bands before that too. Howard said Jeff Beck can play guitar very well but he can't sing. Howard said he heard he's a very bitter guy and he would yell about Led Zeppelin ripping him off and things. Rod said that they love and hate each other. He said that they never stopped talking to each other. He said they were like brothers.
Howard said Keith Richards says such shit about Mick Jagger. He said that they have enough money but at some point you'd think Mick would sit Keith down and tell him to shut up. Rod said that they might have everyone fooled. He said he'll have to ask Ronnie (Wood) about that.
Howard said Rod would travel with guys who would call him ''The Dick'' but not because he was a bad guy. He said that he was very large in the penis department. Rod said that his wife says it's not large but it's very pretty. Howard said what throws him off is that back in the 60s they had a plaster cast made of Jimi Hendrix's penis. He said that Rod was so blown away by the size of it that he said he would never get one done. Rod said that's right.
Howard said it was a cool thing to be a musician back in the 60s and 70s. Rod said things were new back then. Howard said it's not the same thing now. Rod said that you can't shock anyone anymore. Rod said they would go to a hotel and displace the furniture in the hotel rooms. He said they would put the furniture in the service elevator and send it down to the kitchen.
Howard said he heard that Billy Joel wrote the song Los Angelinos for Rod but he never gave it to him. Howard said Billy was intimidated by him so he never gave it to him. Howard asked if that pisses him off. Rod said that he understands why he'd be intimidated. He said that there was something scary about the band. Howard said they were kind of scary at the time. Howard said there are some bands that look like pussies but Rod and his guys were scary. Howard said he seems okay now though.
Howard asked Rod about becoming close with Elton John. He said the new super group was going to be Elton, Rod and Freddie Mercury. That never happened though. Rod said he'd like to tour with Elton. He said that didn't happen either. He said that he'd like to do that now and maybe he's listening now so they can go out and tour.
Howard asked Rod about what he does when he hangs out with Elton John. Howard said he would feel pressured to make conversation. Howard said he couldn't do that. He said he'd be very uncomfortable. Rod said that Howard would know what to say to him. Howard asked what would happen if they stopped talking. Rod said that wouldn't happen. He said that they'd just talk into the night.
Howard asked Rod where he lives. Rod said he's in the United States most of the time. He said that he is going to England tomorrow to promote the new album.
Howard asked Rod about the hot chicks he's banged in his life. He said that he was married to Rachel Hunter and Alana Hamilton. Rod said that he's married to another woman now. He said he won't cheat on this one. Howard asked what the hunger is with the women he was sleeping with. Rod said that the grass is always greener on the other side. Rod said he got married at 35 and his dad told him he was too young to marry. He said it turns out he was right.
Howard said he saw Rod on a show, maybe the Ed Sullivan show, and he saw him singing to Britt Ekland. Howard said he thought she looked like trouble to him. Rod said he wrote a song about her. He said she did turn out to be trouble in the end. He said that his roving eye took over and they went their own ways. He said that they were in love for a while. Howard said she wasn't his wife but she wanted to sue him for Palimony. Rod once said that he should just give a woman his house after a first date instead of marrying them. Howard said that it must have blown his mind when Britt tried to sue him. Rod said he can see why she'd be upset. He said that she wasn't happy that she had been turned down for another woman.
Howard said Rod wrote that a music executive once told him he wasn't a good song writer. That's why he stopped writing songs for 20 years. Rod said that's what happened. He said that when someone does that it takes you down a peg or two. He said he figured he might as well not write more songs. Howard said he has been listening to this new album and he loves it. He said he's back to the old Rod Stewart. Howard asked how a music exec can knock him down like that. Rod said it wasn't just that one person. He said there were other things that worked into that.
Howard asked Rod if he was obsessed with music. Rod said that everyone wants to be a success. He said it wouldn't make him ill with worry if he had an album not do very well. He said he's had plenty of failures and a lot of success. He said he tries to treat both of them equally.
Howard asked Rod what he thinks about the music business now. Rod said it's not even what it was 5 years ago. He said it's disastrous but it doesn't stop them from putting music out.
Howard asked Rod if he's going to go out with the new album and tour. Rod said of course he will. Howard said he figured that some people assume that they're going to sell albums based on their name but that just isn't true. He said that you still have to go out and tour. Howard said Bowie didn't go out and tour. Rod said that there might be medical reasons for that. Howard and Robin asked if that's true. Rod said he's going to take that back and said he shouldn't have opened his big mouth. He said he knows nothing.
Howard said that Rod has 8 kids and his son has been on the show. He said his son Sean was on the show. Howard said the kid was a great interview. Howard said he thinks that he talked about jerking off to Rachel Hunter. Howard said he'd be doing that too. He said he would be so confused. Howard asked Rod if he ever thought about that. Rod said the kids were very protected. He said that he went out with a famous girl in Britain and his kids took everything of hers out of the house and put it down by the front gate. He said they were just trying to protect him. He said they were right because this girl wasn't the one he was supposed to be with.
Howard asked Rod about having kids later in life. Rod said that it keeps him young. Howard asked if he's a better father now than he was before. Rod said he is. He said with Sean and Kimberly he was making his career. He said that everyone has to do that when they're making a career. Rod said he was in debt with the IRS and he had to work hard. He said he had to get himself out of debt so he was working around the clock.
Howard asked Rod about the IRS thing and if money was being stolen. Rod said it was. He said it was all smoke and mirrors. Howard said he would have had a nervous breakdown. Rod said he just figured he had to get on with it. He said that Sting had the same thing happen to him recently. He said he lost $5 million.
Howard asked Rod what he's worth. Rod told Howard to tell him what he's worth. Howard said he's just a disc jockey. He said he's worth like $100,000.
Howard said that the confusing thing about Rod's career was when he was in The Faces and he went off and did his solo career. Rod said he was doing the solo thing first. Rod said that he would have never have left the band. He said he loved the guys. Rod said he knew that Ronnie was going to go so he didn't want to stick around after that. He said he knew he was going to go to the Stones and he wasn't upset about that. He said that he loves Ronnie.
Howard asked Rod if it's weird to have his own children who have no idea what his life was like. Rod said he has a fine line of spoiling them and not spoiling them. He said that he does invest in their careers to help them out. He said he won't give them piles of cash. He said he will help them out though.
Howard asked Rod if the best part of being a rock star is the women or the access you have. Rod said it's everything. He said you just enjoy what you're doing.
Howard asked Rod if he ever had women in bed who would tremble when he met them. Rod said he's never looked at it like that. Howard said that being a rock star was a huge thing and he wanted to be one of those guys. Howard said the expectations must be high with women because he's a huge star. Howard said he has never heard that he was shitty in bed. Rod said he was in Australia once and the guys in The Faces left him with a chick he was wondering about and it turned out to be a guy. Rod said that they set him up. He said that was fair enough. Rod said he didn't get up and beat the shit out of him or anything. Howard asked if he kissed him. Rod said he didn't. Howard said he must have. Rod said he may have given him a peck on the neck. Howard said he heard that the guy sued him for Palimony after that.
Robin asked how it happens that he dates all of these high profile women. Howard said he must have gone on J-Date. Rod said he was a rock star and that's what they do.
Howard asked Rod if he could open a magazine and pick a chick out and make a call to get them. Rod said he never did that. He said he was turned down by a couple of people. He said it didn't always work out. Howard asked who they were. Rod said that he's not going to tell him that.
Howard asked Rod about that woman who sort of ripped off his sound. Rod said that he loves her and he wasn't upset about that at all.
Howard asked Rod what it is about Britain that brings out so much great music. Rod said he's not sure. Howard said it doesn't make sense but there is a lot of talent over there in an area that's no bigger than Philadelphia.
Howard asked Rod if he listens to new music. Rod said he listens to Adele but not much else. He said he's tired of music. Rod said he loves Adele though.
Howard asked Rod if he sits down and writes every day or is it casual. Rod said in the old days it was like that. He said things have changed and he loved writing the words on this album and he can't wait to write more. Howard asked if he has to write stuff down right away. Rod said that you have to keep singing it or call and leave a message on a phone. He said he doesn't have a phone though so he can't do that. Rod said that he will take his kids out to dinner and all 6 of them will be texting. Rod said he was up singing one night and all of the kids were there texting during his performance.
Howard asked Rod why he's resisting technology. Rod said he likes emailing and his computer but he can't be bothered with the phone. He said he has a person who gets in touch with him when he needs that.
Howard said he thinks Rod is a good looking man. Rod said he has to be kidding. Howard said he's surprised that Elton never came on to him. Rod said that he did get a kiss on the mouth the other night while he was out to dinner. He said he is the finest and most generous person on this planet. Howard said he heard about the gift he got him which was a Rembrandt. Howard said Billy Joel told him some stories about the gifts they would give and how he gave Elton a motorcycle that he brought on tour with him. Howard said Elton doesn't care about motorcycles though.
Howard said he feels like Rod has come a long way. Howard asked Rod if he ever thinks that he should have thought of a really good song when he hears it on the radio. Rod said he's never really thought that. He said that he never gets jealous of another song like that.
Howard talked to Rod about how he keeps his voice going without blowing it out. Howard said he used to go into new markets and he'd get sick and lose his voice. He said he learned that if he put compression on his voice in his headphones that he'd keep his voice. He said that's the way he does it now.
Howard asked how many albums he's sold in his career. Rod said it's over 200 million. He said he doesn't keep his awards on display or anything. Howard said he should do that. Howard said that he could hang them on his wall proudly and embrace it. Rod said he would rather put up a wonderful painting on the wall than a gold record. He said that he knows they're significant but they're ugly things. He said he's been to so many rock star houses with gold records all over. He said he's seen enough of that. Rod said he'd rather have a beautiful painting on his wall.
Howard asked Rod if he can imagine the day when he has to stop singing. Rod said it will happen one day but right now it's his identity and he's going to keep doing it.
Howard asked Rod about his wife, Penny, and if they're still having sex a few times a week. Rod said they are. He said it's not easy with the kids around but they fit it in. He said they have four kids living with them right now. He said that he has two little ones but they have a massive house. He said the house is still noisy though.
Howard asked Rod about how often he gets to his Florida house. Rod said he gets down there a few weeks a year. He said that they're in California most of the time. Rod said he turned professional at 19 and he started saving up for a sports car. He wanted to get that to get the girls. Howard said it's good he never got into the hard partying scene. Rod said he's been into self preservation forever.
Howard and Rod bonded over their settling down. Both of them have found women that they can settle with. Howard asked if he went to therapy. Rod said he did and the therapist told him that once you've seen one cunt then you've seen them all. Rod said he swears that's what he told him. Howard said Donald Trump once met him and told him that he could do much better. Rod said he did that.
Howard said Rachel Hunter was up there once and then the second time she came up she pulled some shit and walked out so he called her a cunt. Howard said he thinks Rod is better off without her. He said Trump was right.
Howard said he read that Rod had said that one of his therapists came on to him. Rod said that was the same woman who told him to get a dog or a cat instead of a woman. Howard said that's not going to help. Rod said that's common advice apparently. He said that you need someone to cuddle with so get a dog or a cat.
Howard said that he wanted to talk about some of the tracks on his album. He said that his album is called ''Time'' and he's going to play ''It's Over'' off the album. Rod said this one is about divorce. Howard played the song and said he likes the beginning. He let it play through and said it sounds good. Robin said she was about to cry. Howard said that was beautiful. Robin said it tears at the heart strings. Howard said this is good stuff. He said the kids today are fucked up and don't know how to write a good song. Rod said it takes living life a little bit sometimes.
Howard talked to Rod about the song ''Finest Woman'' which Rod said is about his wife Penny. Rod said that she's 6' tall and 6'4'' tall in heels. Howard said Rod is pretty tall but he looks short because he always dated very tall women. Rod said he finds them athletic looking and that's very appealing to him. Howard asked if it took a long time to get into Penny's pants. Rod said she made him wait, don't you worry.
Howard played Rod's song ''Finest Woman'' and kept quiet during most of the song. Howard said that was definitely not about Rachel Hunter. Howard said it must be about that Tranny whose dick he felt. Robin asked if he knows when a song is sexy. Rod said you work toward that groove but he's not sure about the sexy part though. Robin said she can see that song being a hit with strippers.
Howard asked Rod if he thought that his life was over when he got the tumor on his thyroid. Rod said it can be pretty scary. He said that it's one of the easiest ones to treat though if you catch it early. Rod said that he loves his life and he'd like to be around. Robin asked if he did any of the weird treatments where they wash the blood or anything. Rod said he didn't do that. Howard asked if he gets colonics and things. Rod said he does do that. Howard said that's nuts. He said he would never do that himself. Rod said he's just saying that because he's never tried it.
Howard asked Rod if he saw anything good come out when he got the colonic. Rod said he saw Christmas dinner from 4 years ago. Howard said it must be embarrassing when you get that stuff done. Howard asked if a woman did it. Rod said it was a woman. He said he's had a colonoscopy so it's no worse than that. Howard said you're unconscious during that. Rod said he stayed awake for his. He said he was just interested. He wanted to watch the camera. He said he had that done with his knee surgery too. Howard said that's insanity. He said he must be afraid of being unconscious. Rod said he's not. He said he's just interested in the medical side of it.
Howard asked Rod what's up with his obsession with model trains. Rod said he has a big set up at home. He said he'll build something on the road and bring it home. He said you have to be a painter and sculptor when you're into model trains. He said he's been into that stuff since he was about 12. Howard asked if he wears engineer outfits. Rod said he never has. Howard asked if he will invite him over to see his trains going by. Rod said that you can see it in Model Railroader. He said that it's a wonderful hobby. Howard said he can't imagine that. Howard said he's into photography. Rod said that men need a hobby. He said that he can be in his train room for 7 hours at a time. He said it's very easy to spend that kind of time in there.
Howard asked Rod why he never tried acting. Rod said it never interested him. He said he was approached a couple of times but music is what he was put on this earth to do.
Howard asked if Janis Joplin tried to fuck him. Rod said he never did that. Howard said she wasn't hot. Howard said he should have thrown her one.
Howard asked if Rod was a fan of Keith Moon's. Rod said he loved Keith. He said he was a great guy. Howard asked Rod how he can be around a guy like that and if it was exhausting being around him. Rod said it was. He said they'd go out to parties and stay up all night. He said he went to one with Keith and by 6 in the morning he was ready to go home.
Howard asked Rod about the drugs he's tried. Rod said he tried heroin by accident once. Howard said the same thing happened to him. Rod said he walked around the block hoping he didn't die. He said that he didn't want to fall asleep because he thought he would die.
Howard said that he has been listening to his Rod's new album and it's been great having him there today. Howard said he was afraid of Rod and he didn't approach him at a party they were at. Howard said he had just gotten divorced and he was there single. He said he had been sequestered in his house for years. Howard said someone said that Rod was there at the party and he was there with Rachel Hunter. Howard said Rod was like King Tut and he didn't bother the guy. Howard said he heard that Rod wanted to say hi to him and wanted him to go over to Rod. Howard said he wanted Rod to come to him. Howard said it was too intimidating. Rod said that doesn't sound like something he'd do. Howard said now they've had a proper conversation and it's been great. Howard said it's great that he's back to writing music.
Robin asked what was up with him covering standards. Rod said that his family would play and they were tremendous singers.
Howard asked Rod to do an F, Marry Kill with Paris Hilton, Beyonce and Carrie Underwood but Rod refused to play along. Howard said that they barely touched the surface of this iceberg of Rod's life.
Howard asked Rod if it was tough getting up in the morning. Rod said he's used to it. He said he's up at 7:30 to get the kids to school. Rod said he drives them to school in the Rolls Royce. He said he used to drive his son to school in the Ferrari but he hated it. He said now they love it though.
Howard asked Rod about his house and if he has a movie theater there. Rod said he does. He said he gets movie screeners to watch. Howard asked how he gets those movies. Rod said he's on the Beverly Hills movie circuit. He said that they send the movies over to him and he gets to watch. Howard said he has to get over to his place to see what's doing. Howard said he has those trains too. He said he probably has a real train. Rod said his mind will be blown when he sees the trains. He said he doesn't let anyone up there but Howard will see. Howard said he could talk to him all day but he has to let him go. He gave him some more plugs and went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that was another great interview. Howard asked if he wanted to go see Rod Stewart in concert. The caller said he's out in Pittsburgh. Howard said he doesn't have tickets near there. He said he'll give them to someone else. The caller, Balls, said that's cool.
Balls said he was wondering about that Rod Stewart rumor that was going around about his stomach being pumped for semen. Howard said he wrote about it in a book and in interviews so he didn't go there. Howard said he had a good explanation for how the rumor got started. Balls brought up a couple of other things that they discussed in the interview before Howard let him go.
Howard took a call from Red Gypsy and said he was going to give her tickets to the Rod Stewart concert. Red said that was awesome. Red said that her mother is a huge fan of Rod's. She said she wanted to ask if he was cut or uncut. Howard said he's probably uncut. He said he would have asked but he wasn't really thinking about that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she was at AGT and she thought that it was great. She said that Heidi Klum is beautiful. She said Howard took her shoe off and she figured King of All Blacks was going to freak out over that. Howard said 90 percent of what he does won't make it on air. Howard said they asked him to cut a promo for the web site where they were starting some pay service for extras or something. He said he didn't want to do it for something people had to pay for. He said half the time he doesn't even know what he's doing. Howard said he had the camera on him and he told the fans to click below and grabbed her foot and said you'll get to see Heidi's feet. He said he figured no one was ever going to see that.
The caller said that Ronnie was so professional there. She said people were yelling out his name and he was just taking such good care of Howard. She said that he was great. Howard said Ronnie is great. Howard asked if she wanted to go see Rod Stewart in Chicago. The caller said she would love that. Howard gave her a set of tickets.
Howard said they have to do news. He said he has to do a live commercial read and then went to break.
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Howard took a call from a guy who said that he didn't like Rod's music but after the interview he seemed like a cool dude. Howard said he was fun and a good dude. Howard said Fred is a big fan. Fred said he was great. Howard said he didn't know he played guitar. Fred said that he hung around Ron Wood so you pick that up hanging around him.
Howard asked what Fred's favorite Rod Stewart song is. Fred said ''Stay with Me'' or maybe ''Reason to Believe'' or something like that. He said he won't say Maggie May because that's cliche. Howard said the guy is a legend. Robin said he looks good too. Howard said he did.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that was an awesome interview from start to finish. He asked Howard about if there is anyone left that he'd like to interview. Howard said Mick Jagger and David Bowie are a couple. He said David was on the show but he only did a quick hello. Howard said Neil Young is another one but he's not sure how he'd be in an interview. Howard said Rod was a good guy and an interesting interview. Fred said he was surprised at how health oriented he is. Howard said he already interviewed Hanson so there's no one else really.
Howard got to Robin's news. Fred played Robin in with a song parody about the $800 wine. Fred said that's by someone named Michael but he doesn't have a last name on him. He later said it was Michael Berkus.
Howard said he took Jimmy out to dinner Saturday night. He said that he wasn't able to wear his jacket because he has put on about 13-15 pounds. Howard said his suits aren't going to fit if he doesn't lose weight now. Howard said he stopped running because he was sick. He said Saturday night he was going to diet but he had like 50 deserts to choose from. Howard said he could have just had an entree and appetizer but he couldn't say no. Howard said he's so out of control but he's really not. Robin said what's sad is that he's not out of control. Robin said that there are people who are excited about the new taco waffle that they have at Taco Bell.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Rod Stewart was an awesome interview. He said Howard really is the best interviewer out there. The caller said Artie Lange was asked, on his show, who he thinks is the funniest guy out there and he put Howard right up at the top of the list. Howard said Artie is a good guy.
Howard said he started running yesterday and he did under 2 miles and he was winded. Robin asked Howard if he's going out to any other cities for AGT. Howard said he has to do Las Vegas. He said that they have them in for 15 hours a day so he can't do much. Howard said he went out like one night in Chicago. He said that he went right to bed after going out. Howard said Beth went out shopping for a whole day in Chicago. He said that Beth just watched him getting fat when she wasn't out shopping. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about OJ Simpson going back to court. Robin said he's hoping for an appeal today. Robin said he's arguing that his lawyer had a conflict of interest and he gave him bad advice. Robin said that he's being represented by a new attorney now.
Robin read that Seth Meyers will be taking over the Jimmy Fallon time slot on NBC next year. Howard said Jimmy is taking over for Jay Leno. Howard said Seth is funny but his whole job is to do the news segment. He said he loves that segment but they have characters that come out and do bits. Howard said after that it's over. Howard said he read that he spends all week writing that segment and he only has 6 or 7 jokes. Howard said that upsets him. He said he's a funny guy and he guesses he'll be okay as a host. He said he's not even sure about that.
Howard said he had someone ask him to pass regards on to Robin. He said everyone does that. He said there were a lot of fans out there. He said he had a great view from his hotel room too. He said he had great Wi-Fi in his hotel room too.
Howard said the guy who found the kidnapped kids was all over the news. He said people took his voice and made some autotune song out of it. Howard said that there's a place where all they do is make this Autotune stuff. Howard said they're making news doing it too so he's not sure how they do that. Richard Christy came in and said he buys those songs. He said he loves them. Howard played some of the Autotuned song he was talking about. They took Charles Ramsey's audio clips and turned it into a song. Howard said it turns out there was a guy who found the girls first and he can barely speak English so he didn't get credit. Howard said there were some stories about how Charles Ramsey had some problems with the law too but he never really saw anything more on that.
Howard said he was reading about the girls who were kidnapped and how bad the conditions were in the house. Howard said he can't believe that the brothers didn't know what was going on either. Howard said that doesn't make any sense. Howard said they say that they didn't have any air conditioning or anything but JD was jealous of those conditions. Howard said Ronnie came out of the house with his girlfriend and people thought that was a kidnapping.
Robin said the girls who were kidnapped have asked for privacy and they're saying that it can take some time for them to normalize and get back together with their families. Robin said Amanda Berry has a 6 year old daughter and she's 26 herself. Robin said that Gina DeJesus is going to have to have facial surgery. Robin said that the guy was apparently horrible to the girls. Gina is going to need facial reconstructive surgery. Howard said they're going to have to explain a lot of stuff to the girls about what was in the news the past 10 years. Howard said it's amazing the guy was able to keep it so quiet all this time.
Robin said the brothers of this guy Ariel Castro are saying they didn't know what he was up to and they don't want anything to do with him. Robin said that they did let them go since they said they didn't hear anything. Howard asked how they didn't know what was going on in the house. Gary said he saw something on the news about how the FBI was boarding up that house and a house next door. He said maybe they were in the other house or something. He said they had to have heard something in the past 10 years. Howard said we don't know all of the details since they're still trying to figure things out. Robin had audio of one of the brothers saying that he was sorry for what his brother had done. One of the brothers knew one of the families of the girl who was abducted and he was talking about that as well. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Howard said he loves his iPhone and loves that Apple is an American company. Robin said that they make those phones in China. Howard said it's still an American company and they pay taxes there. Howard said they do need to bring some jobs here. He said that they do have some jobs here.
Howard said Governor Christie got one of those lap bands and he heard that pizza sales are down by 40 percent. Howard said he had to do something about his weight. Howard said he knows people who gained weight after getting that lap band thing. Robin said she thinks he's losing weight. Howard said he wishes he could cheat somehow and lose weight. Howard said he likes seeing fat people because he can keep his weight down. Howard said getting a band and doing it that way isn't fair.
Robin said there are things in this world that are not pretty to talk about. Robin read a story about the mother of an 8 year old girl who was killed by her 12 year old brother who is asking for privacy. Robin said they now believe that the 12 year old is the one who killed his sister after they claimed an intruder did it. Howard said he read about a mother who had to save her kid from pit bulls and got mauled by the dogs. Howard said he read another story about a woman who slapped a cop across the face to get arrested so she could quit smoking while she's in jail. Howard asked Robin if she could imagine thinking like that.
Robin read about a hostage situation in Trenton, New Jersey. She said that you just can't date a sexual predator. Robin said they stormed the home around 3:45am. Robin said that they saw the guy having a deteriorating state of mind so they rushed the house. Robin said they shot the man threatening one of the captives. He later died.
Howard said he saw the movie Side Effects and he loved it. Robin said she loved it too. Robin said there's a movie out called Mud that's really good. She said Howard should get that one too. Howard said he saw some good stuff over the week last week. He said he saw Jack Reacher and that was good. He said Tom Cruise was good in it. Howard said he saw The Gangster Squad and that was good too. Robin said it got bad reviews. Howard said he liked it. Robin said she'll have to check it out then. Howard said he watched the Rihanna special too. He said he fast forwarded through most of it. He said she's not that hot but she's hot. He said he just looks for the hot outfits. He said she's so cunty that he loves it. He said he had to watch her singing that ''Diamonds'' song.
Howard said Rihanna tweeted a picture of Nicole Richie over the weekend and said something like ''This bitch makes me angry'' and said it was a compliment. Howard said if that's the case then people have been complimenting him for years.
Robin read a story about how they found a place to bury Tamerlan Tsarnaev in Virginia. Robin said they did it before anyone had a chance to know about it. Robin said that the woman who helped said that they had to do this in even in a situation like this. Howard said you can't blame people for being upset.
Robin read about how some women are love sick over the brother that lived. They're tattooing themselves and blogging about him. Howard said that they're blinded by his cute looks. Howard said it's awful. Robin said there are Free Dzhokhar web sites starting up and things like that.
Robin read about how Barbara Walters is announcing her retirement today. She'll be retiring next year. Robin had some audio of Barbara talking about how proud she is of women on TV. Robin said Barbara was the first one to break into the news. She said it's time for her to step away.
Robin said that National Geographic is recognizing risk takers and she doesn't think that's a good idea. Robin said that they recognized a university professor as someone who is a risk taker. Robin had some audio of the guy talking about the time he ran into a bear in his home country and he faced off with it. Robin said she doesn't think we should be applauding this kind of behavior. Howard said this is coming from a risk taker.
Robin said New Orleans had a mother's day parade and gun shots rang out and 19 people had to be treated for gun shot wound's. Robin said that 2 or 3 people were shooting. Robin said that they don't think the wounds are life threatening. Robin said there were about 200 people at the parade.
Robin said that the IRS may have been singling out conservative groups for scrutiny. Robin said the IRS is apologizing for that. Robin said the government sometimes overstep their authority.
Robin read about how the Colorado movie theater shooter is going to change his plea to not guilty by reason of insanity. Robin said they may send him to a hospital instead of prison. Robin said he's still alive after his heinous crime and no girls are tattooing his face on their bodies. Robin said that's because he's not cute.
Robin read about how the Powerball is up to $350 million. Robin said that the odds of winning are 1 in 175 million. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:40am.
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Jon asked JD if it was comfortable meeting Molly. JD said that it was awkward. He said that he had never met her face to face before. He said that Gary was trying to have him tell her what he does and it may not have come out so well. He said Gary started talking. He said there was a little bit of a lull so Gary picked things up and moved things along.
Jon asked JD why he got so upset by the rent a friend thing. JD said he's not sure why anyone would rent a friend to hang out with. Jon said some people are lonely. JD said it got turned around to him in a meeting and he'd rather not talk to people he doesn't know. He said if it's a hot chick with a Friends with Benefits thing then he might do it. Jon had to go to break after that.
Jon said that Jimmy and Howard were talking about how they figured the other was into hubbub. JD said that he doesn't know for sure what they like since he's not in their lives that much.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he doesn't think that Howard liked Jimmy that much. He said he thinks that it's a political thing. He said he doesn't feel the chemistry between them. Jon asked if he thinks that their friendship will fade because Jay will be gone next year. The caller said that he thinks Howard has a foot in the late night community like he's propping him up or something. The caller said Ralph and Howard's friendship seems to be a true thing. He said it's not political like Howard and Jimmy. He said he thinks Howard loves Ronnie too. JD said he thinks he might be off a little on that one. He said he thinks that Howard and Ronnie are boss and employee who are close but not a friendship. Jon said he thinks he's off on the Jimmy and Howard thing. He said they have become very close. Jon said Howard said this morning that Jimmy and Molly are their only real friends. Gary said he thinks he was off on that a little bit.
Jon asked Gary about bringing Molly around for the tour to meet JD. Gary said he asked her if she wanted to go around and took her back there.
Jon and Gary also talked about the jacket that Jimmy had to wear at the Danielle restaurant. Gary said he had to do that at The Rainbow Room once. He said he put the jacket on and took it off at the table. He said he had to wear it to go to the bathroom.
Jon and Gary talked about Jimmy's upcoming wedding and how Howard won't be in the wedding party. Gary talked about being in Ross' wedding party and how easy that was.
Jon asked Gary how close he thinks Howard and Jimmy are. Gary said he thinks they're very close. Gary said Molly made a good point about changing her name and he thought she was right.
Gary said that Howard loves Beth and he talked about how he didn't like the way people treated her like his girlfriend and not his wife.
Jon and Gary talked about JJ Abrams. They were talking about Howard calling him a genius. Gary said he's not sure about that. He said that Einstein is a genius. Gary said he's not sure Howard is a genius. He said that's reserved for science and math. He said if there is a genius in this business then Howard is it. Jon said he thinks that if you can do something so well that you master it then you are a genius. They went to break a short time later.
Jon brought up the conversation that Howard had with Rod about Elton John and how he hasn't gone out touring with him yet. JD said he would do it if he was friends with the guy.
Jon said there were some things that Rod didn't want to talk about. He said that he would just tell Howard he didn't want to talk about it and he was a gentleman about it.
Jon said Rod mentioned that a radio executive told him he didn't think he could write songs and that stopped him from writing music.
Jon and Gary talked about Rod's marriages and how he got married at 35. Jon said he was married at 23. Gary said he was 31. Jon asked JD when he wants to get married. JD said he hasn't really thought about it. Gary asked what he'll do at 45 if he's not married. JD said he hasn't thought about it.
Jon asked if the grass is always greener for Rod. Gary said he thinks that every guy looks at that. He said that the grass on the other side doesn't always give a shit about you.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he used to do deliveries in Los Angeles and he went to Rod Stewart's house once. He said he was snooping around looking at his cars and he had one that was covered. He said he saw a Ferrari driving in and he was waving at him like he knew him. He said he's a cool guy but then they kicked him out for snooping around. Gary said that was a bizarre story. Jon said it was but he did get around to it. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:15am.
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Howard started the show talking about how excited he was that ZZ Top was coming in to perform some songs for them. He said they're doing one new song and one classic. He said he's looking forward to that. Howard said they have a new album out. Fred said that Rick Rubin produced it. He said they have something else coming out too. He said they went back and remixed the old stuff and they're releasing that too. Fred said that they released their stuff in CD form and it didn't sound that great so they remixed it. Howard said that he'd like a full hour of music but they're just getting two songs.
Howard said Roger Daltrey will be in tomorrow. He said they haven't seen him in a long time.
Howard said that NBC had their up fronts yesterday. He said he didn't have to do anything for that. He said he thinks his agent tells them that he's unavailable for that stuff. He said that they're supposed to do a Sound of Music special on NBC. He said he's not sure why but they're doing it live. Howard said they must hope that people are going to fuck up during the live event. Howard said Carrie Underwood is supposed to be part of that.
Howard said he went to see Star Trek Into Darkness with his boyfriend Ralph. Howard said they saw it in Imax 3D and he hates 3D. Howard said he thinks that we're all going to go blind when they wear those glasses. He said your eyes have to be freaking out with that stuff. Robin said he won't need his eyes in 10 years. Howard said he loved the movie. He said he loves Star Trek and loved the movie. Howard said he doesn't want to give any spoilers so that's all he'll say. He said people who like movies will be satisfied. He said you can't believe the special effects they have in these movies.
Howard said the movie was a press screening and it was packed. He said Zachary Quinto is awesome is in this thing. He said the guy who plays Kirk is good too. Robin said that's Chris Pine. Howard said they were all good in the movie. He said the writing is good and the movie will make a fortune. Robin said that's good. That means we'll get more.
Howard said he went running yesterday to lose some weight. He said he gained 15 pounds. He said he hates it. He said he just wants to get fat.
Howard said OJ was in the paper and he's gained some weight. Howard said OJ got jail time for that stupid robbery he did. Howard said he got 9-30 years. He said that's a hell of a punishment. Howard said OJ is looking for an appeal now and they're saying that he needs another trial. Howard said he's fine with that if they re-try him for the Nicole Brown death too. Howard said OJ is up to about 270 pounds now and he was at 210 when he got in there. Howard said they say that he started out working out but then he started in with the junk food. Howard said they must sneak it in for him. Howard said he's eating the junk food and putting on weight. Howard said if he was in jail for the rest of his life he wouldn't care either. He said there's no reason to work out if you're in there that long.
Howard said he read that Angelina Jolie did a preemptive strike against her breasts by having them lopped off and rebuilt. He said her family has a history of breast cancer. Robin said we have to figure out another way to fix things like that. She said if she has to cut off her breasts then medicine isn't working. Howard said they have to rebuild the breast and tattoo a fake nip on. Howard said he's glad there isn't a lot of penis cancer. He said there might be a lot of penis removal.
Robin asked if he saw Game of Thrones this week. Howard said he only saw 15 minutes of it so far. Robin said that would have mixed right into this conversation.
Robin wondered if Angelina would do anymore nude scenes. Howard said Angelina is a weirdo. He said she might want to show off those new titties.
Howard said that his belly is hanging over his pants and he can barely close them. He said he has to stop eating at night. He said he goes crazy and eats a lot of nuts and fruit when he's watching TV. He said that he craves more. He wants to just eat.
Robin said that the $64,000 Question was a game show that came from radio where it was the $64 question. Howard said radio sucks. He said he thinks that they're going to get the green room painted. He said they're getting closer to getting Sirius to pay for it. Howard said he thinks they have a whole can of paint for them to use. Howard said this new guy, Jim, is a guy who seems to be a nice guy. Howard said they're going to use Gary's toothbrush to paint the walls.
Howard said Barbara Walters resigned yesterday. He said that the resignation is so boring. He said they write it all out. Howard said it's a bore fest. Howard played some audio of Barbara making her announcement. Howard said she should be resting on a farm somewhere.
Howard played some audio of Jimmy Fallon at the NBC Up Fronts announcing that he would be taking over the Tonight Show next year. Then they start playing music like a Broadway show. Leno and Fallon performed a song together. Howard said they've already done that joke.
Robin said that the guy who played Lumpy on Leave it to Beaver died. Robin said his name is Frank Bank. He was 71 years old. Howard asked what he died from. Robin said she's not sure. She said he had died and The Beaver said that he was always funny. Robin said it's getting crazy now that people from Leave it to Beaver are dying.
Howard said he had to clear his throat. He said he can't function anymore. He said he's tired of it all. Howard said he's tired of the race.
Howard said he has a bunch of tapes to play. He said he has to take some phone calls. Howard said he got a lot of email too. Howard said he'll talk a little bit about that.
Howard said some reporter said ''sex'' instead of ''success'' on a news program and the woman was fired. Howard played the audio of her mistake. Howard said she apparently joked about it on her web page and that was the end of that. Howard said she just said one word wrong. He said he doesn't get that.
Howard had audio of a weather man having hiccups during his weather forecast. Howard played a clip of that too. The guy had his hiccups every few seconds during the report. Robin said they're very far apart. Howard said Beth gets them. Robin said she gets them occasionally. Howard said he never has them. Howard said he loves that whole hiccup thing.
Robin corrected the story about Lumpy dying. She said he actually died on April 13.
Howard said that everyone was tweeting him about Angie Everhart having thyroid cancer. Howard said they say that's the easiest one to cure. He said he wishes her well. He said everyone as tweeting him because he dated her. Howard said she's a very lovely person and he hopes she has a full recovery.
Robin said that Halle Berry is pregnant. Howard said she's like 50. Robin said she's 46. Howard said they must have shot her full of drugs. Robin said she's claiming that it was a surprise.
Howard said the girl in Star Trek is hot. He said her name is Zoe Saldana and she's into Spock in the movie.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if he heard JD's Playlist last night. Howard said he didn't know they were playing that. Gary told Howard it was a replay. The caller said that JD has some weird music tastes. He said he heard him playing some weird stuff. Howard said JD was trying to be cool with some of that stuff. The caller said he thought the guy was fucking nuts after hearing that. Howard said JD is Master Mumbler.
JD came in and said he wasn't trying to be cool. He said he picked songs that meant something to him. Howard said he picked songs that were super obscure. He told JD to pick songs that aren't so obscure and do another show. Howard said it was all bad. JD said it wasn't all bad.
Howard said JD was on the Wrap Up Show yesterday and he was out of his mind. Howard said he was particularly bad. JD said he says that all the time. Howard said he was talking about his level of fame and meeting Molly McNearney. He said he wasn't even comfortable with that. Howard played some clips from the Wrap Up Show where JD was talking about his own fame and comparing himself to Jennifer Aniston.
Howard said he enjoys JD on the air. JD told Howard that his Playlist was just songs that he likes. Howard said JD has to lose weight. JD said he's aware of that. Robin told him to take JD running with him. Howard said he'd rather be alone. JD said now he gets it. Howard let him out of there after that. They played JD out with a song parody about how he can't speak.
Howard said that Matthew Perry's TV show got canceled. Howard said Perry was at a hockey game and he was being interviewed. Howard said the most bizarre thing happened. He said the announcer, Dan Moriarty, congratulated Matthew on losing his show. Howard said Perry doesn't even call him out on it. Howard played the clip and Perry was talking about the game and then Dan says that congratulations is in order and then Perry says that his show was canceled. Perry said that the show was getting in the way of the Kings games. Then Dan congratulates him again. Howard said that's bizarre. He said that it's the Friends curse killing another show. Howard said he's not sure about that curse since Courteney Cox's show is still on.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who brought up Angie Everhart. He asked Howard if he had married her can he still be attracted to her. King said he doesn't think he could. Howard asked why that is. King said that she's not perfect anymore. Howard said King would divorce his wife if she got it. King said he might. He said if she got into an accident he might leave her. Howard asked if she has hemorrhoids would he get rid of her for that. King didn't think so.
Howard said if you're a woman and you want to know if you have hot feet King is going to come in one day to evaluate feet. Howard said you can contact Gary in the back if you want to do that. King said they don't have to be pretty. Just their feet. Robin said they should have him and Eddie Murphy come in and look at the feet. Howard said he thinks Eddie is into dudes feet. Howard said he hasn't seen Eddie in a long time. He said he just won't come in there. Howard let King go a short time later. Howard said that guy is way into feet. He said he has standards for feet. He said it's pretty wild.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked who his best friend is. He asked if Ralph is. Howard said Ralph is so odd. He said they do share a lot of interests. Howard said he does hang out with him a lot. He said maybe Ralph is. He said Ralph is weird with people he knows sometimes. He said he has this thing where he acts inappropriately around other people. He said he might not even know he's doing it but it's passive aggressive. Robin said he may be upset that he's giving other people attention. The caller, Jim, said he might think he can get away with anything.
Howard said he read that Eddie Murphy is worth $75 million. Howard said that's a lot of money. Robin said you'd think it would be more. Howard said you would but that's still a lot of money. Howard said he's heard he gets a lot for that cartoon where he plays a donkey.
Howard said he doesn't spend a lot of time with Ralph really. He said he's more into his wife. Howard said Ralph is around him a lot and he is a real friend. Robin said women are like that. When they find a man they don't have any time for you. Howard said he's the same way. He said when he finds a woman he doesn't have any time for a dude.
Howard said Ralph's best friend is his Iron Man statue. He said that's who he hangs around all the time. He said Ralph is a good man though. He said he is a friend. Howard said he's confided in him many times.
Robin said that the girl from Hunger Games has a mentally retarded person as a close friend. Howard said that's like having Gary the Retard as a Consigliere. Howard said Ralph was on the private plane out to Chicago and he heard Ralph say ''Excuse me...'' in his own special way. He was asking for the strangest things. He said he has to have a whole set up. Howard said he wants ice on the side with lemon and lime. He said the guy sits home with nothing and then he gets on a private plane and has to have his way. Howard said he'll ask for some weird thing every time.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said yesterday's show was great. He said he was surprised that Rod didn't get anesthesia for his colonoscopy. Howard said he was shocked by that too. He said his dad had one done years ago and he said he would rather fucking die than get that again. He said now they do it and it's painless. Howard said it's like being raped with a pipe when you're awake. Howard said it's crazy that Rod stays awake during that. Howard said he thinks he has a fear of being put out. Robin said he must be put out for some things. Robin said he did say that he was awake during the knee operation too.
Howard said he was shocked that in Bangladesh that a woman survived for 17 days without food or water. Howard said that it's normal not to eat for that long over there.
Howard said all of the American Idol judges are being fired. Howard said Randy Jackson says he's leaving. Robin said they didn't pick up his option. Howard said he's saying that he's leaving for some business ventures. Howard said it's over for him after that. Robin said he was selling something on QVC recently. Howard said he's going door to door selling Grit. Howard said when he was a kid they had this thing called Grit that you could sell door to door. Howard said it was some kind of newspaper. Howard said they would try to recruit kids to sell it.
Howard said Mike Tyson is getting a cartoon on Adult Swim. Howard said he's slowly turning into this country's Bill Cosby. Howard said he has cartoons and he's in movies and a one man show on Broadway. Howard got a laugh out of that.
Howard asked how long the sound check was. Scott said they were there for about an hour and they did the songs that they're going to do today. He said they're doing a long version of La Grange and also playing Chartreuse. Howard said that's going to be great. Howard said he saw them at the John Varvatos store and they are so professional. He said they look so damn cool doing it too. He said they sound great and look great doing it. Howard said he wishes he was in that band.
Scott said that they were arguing about how the song goes while they were performing. Howard said they have pictures of the sound check up on HowardStern.com.
Howard said that they dress real cool too. Scott said they were all dressed up on Sunday. Howard said when he saw them they had cool outfits on with the sunglasses and the long beards. Scott said that Billy was playing and said he just wanted to do the rest of his tour from there. He said he told him he could play there all day. Howard asked if they weren't turned off by Scott. Scott said they weren't. Scott said he came in on a Sunday because that's the day they could do it. He said he would do that for any musical guest that needs that. He said it was amazing to be there. Scott said it was great.
Howard wondered what other song they would perform for them. Howard said they did about 9 songs at the John Varvatos thing. He said that he would like them to do all of those songs.
Scott said he thinks Billy is going to talk a lot more this time. He said Billy told him that last time he heard he didn't talk enough. Howard said he barely said anything.
Howard and Fred goofed on Scott about the whole thing. Howard said Scott can congratulate himself after the performance. He said that's only if nothing goes wrong. Howard said that he's very excited about this whole thing. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard said Sal and Richard kept calling this show with shout outs even though the host kept telling them not to. Howard played the call where Sal and Richard called Community Cop with their shout outs. They kept getting through and they'd start doing the shout outs but the host would call for the next call. Then they'd get through with another one. This went on for a few minutes. The show ran out of time.
Howard said Community Cop is getting a lot of shout outs from Richard and Sal. Howard said that a good shout out can really make a good show.
Howard said that he found out what Grit is. He said it's a bi-monthly magazine that celebrates rural America.
Howard said he has to ask Eric something. He said one of the chicks at the Bunny Ranch says that she had to block Eric for talking about how he wanted a naturally busty woman to measure his cock. Eric said there are some idiots saying he lied about his 5 inch measurement. Howard said Eric wants to go to the Bunny Ranch to have a naturally busty woman to measure it. Eric said he's not blocked either. Gary said she told them that she did block him.
Gary said that Eric claims to have a 5 inch cock so that means if he was 6' tall he'd have a 10 inch cock. Howard said that's not the way it works. He said that someone saw Hank the Dwarf's cock and it was pretty big. Gary said Will was the one who saw it. Howard said that's so cruel that his cock is the size of a dwarf.
Howard said that Eric's plan was to get a woman in bed and measure his cock but then he'd probably want to have sex. Eric said that would be the other part of it.
Howard said the woman wrote to them saying that she blocked Eric. Eric said he's not blocked from what he can see. Howard said she says that she's not going to reply to his messages anymore. Howard said she must not want to measure him. Howard said he would like it to happen so they can video it. Howard said he would like to see that.
Robin said maybe they can find a woman to do that for them. Gary said he can make it happen. Gary said they'll do it at the Bunny Ranch if they can tape it. Eric said he has said this before on Twitter. He won't do it on camera ever again. He did it one other time with Air Force Amy and he was photographed naked. Howard said he forgot about that. Gary said he did too. Gary said they'll try to find it to put up on the web site today.
Howard said he has to go. Eric said he wanted to get to what he had to talk about. He said someone posted information on the web about his real brother who has nothing to do with him. He said that people are getting his brother's address and bothering him. Howard asked why he's even bringing it up. Eric said that Howard said he wants someone to help him find who did this. Howard said he doesn't have anyone who can help. Robin told Eric to go find him. Eric said ''Alright, whatever.'' Howard said he's not the web hunter. He's not there to help him out.
Eric asked if they have any other acting possibilities. He said that Johnny is taking forever to finalize the Bold and the Beautiful thing.
Howard got a picture of Eric where he's naked with Air Force Amy. Howard said that's a great picture. Howard asked if he banged her. Eric said yes. Howard asked how many times. Eric said it was just once. He said it was once with 5 of the Bunny Ranch females he was with. Howard said he must have blown his load in 5 seconds. Eric said that was over 2 visits. Howard said Eric has no problem getting it up, right? Eric said he has no problem. He said he can't use Viagra because of his heart condition. He said he was able to hold out for some time. He didn't count though. He said he went for a while.
Howard said he's looking for a job for Eric but he's so picky with the parts he'll play that it's not easy. Howard said he has to go now. Eric said okay.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who says he sold Grit as a kid. He picked up that guy's call and asked him what he did. The caller, Jesse, said that he was selling it as a kid and they had to buy all of the copies and then they had to sell them. He said he got as many as he could and then he'd have to sell them. Howard said you'd think that the people would buy that stuff from a little kid. The caller said that the stuff in the magazine isn't really for the people living in the city. They review shotgun shells and stuff.
Jesse said he's trying to be an author. He said he's got a book that he wants out and he wonders if anyone will buy it. Howard said he doesn't know. He said he doesn't understand the whole book business. Howard said you never know how it's going to go. Jesse said that he was told to send the book out and someone picked it up. He said he's been trying to break through and he wrote this book years ago. He just wanted to pick his brain a little bit. Howard said he has no brain to pick. He said he doesn't know the answer so it's silly of him to even comment. Howard said he can call back when the book comes out and they'll mention it. Howard had to go to break after that.
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Howard came back and said he knows who that is. He said that's Queen but he has in the studio one of his favorites of all time, ZZ Top. Howard said that they're looking good and sharp even at this time of morning.
Howard said that the microphones aren't working. He said with all of that set up they had they're not working. Howard asked if they have a speaking microphone set up. There was all kinds of noise in the studio and everyone was talking. Howard said there's an echo and it's a nightmare. Robin said Scott was about to take a bow. Howard said he wants to get out of radio and start selling Grit magazine.
Howard asked Scott what's going on. He said he kind of left him hanging there. Howard said Scott was in there giving an acceptance speech and now he's left him hanging. Scott said they're good now.
Howard said hi to the boys and everything was up and working. Howard said that the guys were saying that they were up all night so they didn't have to get up in the morning. The guys said that it's just about bed time for them.
Howard said that he's honored to have them there. Howard said that he has given up on rock and roll because of the music they play on radio these days. Howard said that Billy acts like it's simple to be a rock star. He said that he has said that it's the same 3 guys with the same 3 chords. Howard said it's really not that easy to write a hit song though. Howard asked if he had a fall back plan if this didn't work out. Billy said that it just worked out this way. One of the guys said that he was going to play somewhere.
Howard said Billy was opening for Jimi Hendrix before he met these guys. Howard asked what that band was. Billy said that it was The Moving Sidewalks. He said they had 4 guys in the band. Billy said that the other guys were in another band that split up when two of the guys went into the service.
Howard asked Billy and Frank if they like each other. They said they have friends. Howard said that bands are infamous for getting on each other's nerves. Howard asked if they ever hang out with each other. He said he heard they have their own tour bus. Billy said that they have a card game that they play and they have radios on the busses so they can communicate. Dusty said that they wouldn't be together if they had to travel on the same bus together. Howard asked if it takes all 3 to write songs. Billy said it does. Howard said when they get into a room the still write together. Billy said that Rick Rubin helps with that. He said that Rick makes you do things over and over and they like doing things over and over.
Howard asked the guys if they wanted a third beard in the band. They said that his name is Frank Beard. Howard said that they have a look so maybe Frank should have one too. Howard said it might look cool. Billy said that Frank had the thing and he let them go with the beards. Frank can blend in while Billy and Dusty can't really go out.
Howard asked where they live. Billy said that he lives on a tour bus. He said he has two homes, one in Texas and one in Los Angeles. Dusty said he has a home in Texas but his real home is Bus #2.
Howard said he can't get a sense of them politically. Howard asked if they get political at all. They said that they're just a rock band. Howard said the guys stay out of politics because you're bound to lose fans if you get involved.
Howard said Billy was engaged last time he was on. Billy said he had to go tie the knot after the last appearance. Dusty is married too. Frank has been married for 32 years. Howard asked if they had fun on the road. Frank said he never cheated on the road. Howard said he can't tell if they're being for real or not.
Howard said that Billy was opening for Hendrix in The Moving Sidewalks. Howard asked if he learned a lot from Hendrix. Billy said he did. He said they weren't exactly straight shooters at the time but they weren't completely screwed up. He said Hendrix was doing things on the guitar that you never saw before. Howard said he heard that Clapton saw Hendrix and said he never wanted to play guitar again after seeing how good he was. Billy said that he could do that to you. Billy said he used to see this console record player being brought into Jimi's room. He said he was learning Jeff Beck's record and learning it by listening to it. Howard said the guy was a savant and a genius. Billy said ''Yeah man.'' Howard asked if he could mimic some of the things he could do. Billy said he did. He demonstrated one of the things he learned from him.
Howard said Noel Redding was Jimi's bass player and people say that he wasn't that good. Billy said that he was like the glue that kept the band together. He said Noel had another band called Fat Mattress. Robin said they weren't very good at naming bands back then. Howard asked if Jimi or Noel played bass on the records. Billy said that Noel did. Howard said the guy got a bad rap then. Billy said he did.
Howard said he heard a story about Billy and how he saw BB King record a record with his father. Billy said it was ''I'm Tired Of Your Jive.'' Howard said after in his life he got to perform that song with BB King. Billy said he met BB and he had told him when the song was cut and where it was cut. He said he told BB the story about seeing him record the song with his father. Howard asked if he gets nervous playing in front of BB. Billy said BB wanted him to sing with him but he told BB that he's white and asked if he's sure about that. Billy said there is a clip on YouTube where he and BB performed. He said they told some stories in that clip too.
Howard said that the guys are going to play La Grange for them and he wondered if this is still fun for them. Billy said he thinks it is. Howard said there is nothing like watching these guys play. He said he has seen them live before and it's such big sound coming from 3 guys. Howard said it's amazing. Howard asked if Cream was a big influence on them. Billy and Dusty said they were. Howard said Frank has said that it's good having 3 guys because they can vote and have an outcome without a tie. Howard asked who decides which songs go on the album. Billy said that Rick Rubin is the guy. He said they had 20 tracks for this album they put out and they pulled the songs out of a hat. Howard asked if that bothers them at all. Billy said he took it as ''they were all good.'' He thanked Rick for that.
Howard said he talked to Rod Stewart yesterday. He said that a record exec didn't want Maggie May on the album and it turned out to be a huge hit. Howard asked if they ever had a song like that. Dusty said that there was a song on Eliminator that they didn't like and it turned into a hit. He said that those people don't remember not liking it back then.
Howard asked the guys if they remember recording songs and how quickly they came about. Billy said that they did ''Tush'' in one take. He said that they just started playing and Dusty came out with the words. They talked about how they had the name of the song already but they came up with the lyrics just going along.
Howard asked about La Grange and how that one came about. Billy said they had the riff and they were just playing and messing around. Then they took a lunch break and came back and did it.
Howard had the guys play some of a riff they had come out with and started throwing out some lyrics of his own. That only went for about 3 seconds.
Howard asked the guys about being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and what that was like. They were inducted by Keith Richards. They said that was pretty cool. Howard asked if Keith is a great guitar player or just a great song writer. Billy said he's both.
Howard had the guys play their song ''La Grange.'' Howard said he's going to sit back and enjoy this. They did a long version of the song. After the song Howard said he just shot a load. He said he loves this band. He said he has to get into a band himself. Howard said they're some fucking musicians.
Howard asked Dusty about playing bass and if he plays chords on his bass like Jack Bruce did. Dusty said you have to fill the holes with something. Howard said that's a different version of the song than he's ever heard. Howard asked if they have to go into the studio to figure it all out. He asked if it's just rehearsed a lot. Billy said that's what it's evolved into over the years. He said that's just what the song has turned into.
Howard said Frank was great with the drum and Billy was great on guitar. Howard said it's so good to see them playing. Howard said that they're out on tour now. Howard asked how long they're on the road. He said they must never see their families. Dusty said they go home before they go to Europe. He said they'll have like 5 days at home.
Robin asked if they have kids. Howard said they don't even know. dusty has a daughter. Billy doesn't have any kids. Frank had a kid there with him. Howard gave the guys a plug for their tour and said they have a box set of CDs coming out in June (The Complete Studio Albums 1970-1990). You can find tour dates on ZZTop.com
Howard asked the guys about their stuff being remixed back in the day when CDs were coming out. Billy said they're going back to the originals with the box set. Howard said the box set is in stores on June 10th.
Robin asked the guys if they have any feelings on vinyl vs. CD. Howard said he hopes not. The guys said they think it's cool. Billy said he still listens to vinyl. Howard asked if they listen to their own stuff. They said they do that once in a while.
Howard said that the guys are going to play Chartreuse next. Howard said they did this one on their last album ''La Futura.'' Howard said that he loves the clothes they wear. Howard asked if they have a fashion consultant. Howard said Frank obviously doesn't. Howard said Billy and Dusty appear to be trying not to care but they dress very well. Billy said it's John Varvatos to the rescue. Howard said his stuff is cool. Howard said if they had a fashion look it would be that.
Howard had the guys perform their next song ''Chartreuse.'' After the song Howard asked the guys when they started playing and knew they were good. Billy said he started at 13. Frank said he started at 14 and he was making a living at 15. Howard asked how long it took to write that song Chartreuse. They said that was another 2 minute song.
Howard wrapped up with the guys and asked if they ever got caught up in the drug thing. They were saying that they couldn't recall.
Howard said he has a lot of people on the phones with questions. Howard said someone wonders if they're sick of playing any songs. They said if they were sick of them they'd stop playing them. Howard said Billy Joel said that he will never play ''Just the Way You Are'' ever again because he's burnt out on that.
Howard read more of the questions people had and there were some comments about how great they are. Howard said it's something else to see them performing live. Robin said their videos were really fun back in the day too. Howard said it's weird how the whole video thing is gone now. Howard asked if it's true that Paula Abdul choreographed one of their videos. They said it was ''Velcro Fly'' that she helped out on. Billy said they asked for her to sing for them as a back up singer too. They said that's what got her going back then too.
Howard asked if they met Beyonce years ago too. Billy said they met her at a recording studio. He said they were sharing a recording studio and they got to be friends with some rappers. Billy said they would hang out in the middle room at the studio. That's how they got to know people there.
Howard asked if they ever dropped out of school. Dusty said he was out at 14. He said he kept flopping and going back home. He said he wouldn't suggest it to anyone. He said that's not the thing to do. Howard said it worked for Dusty. Howard said his problem is that he stayed in school. Howard asked if he wishes he had stayed in school. Dusty said he went to a reunion. He said he doesn't know why he went though. He didn't graduate and saw the people he didn't like back then and still doesn't like now.
Howard said he appreciates the guys getting up early and coming in. He said they actually stayed up all night. Howard said they were something else. Howard wished them continued success and said that it's definitely a highlight. They went to break after that.
Howard said he loved ZZ Top. Robin said she loved their videos. Howard said she should go see them. He said they're playing in New Jersey tonight. Howard said that he has the audio from their Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction where Keith Richards introduced them. Howard said you really don't know what he's talking about. Howard played the clip and Keith was rambling on about something that Howard didn't understand. Howard let it play for a short time but he said it was like 3 minutes long and didn't want to play the whole thing.
Howard said ZZ Top is in Westbury, Long Island over the weekend at The Theatre at Westbury. Howard said that would be a great place to see them. He said he should go. Howard said he used to see Sam Kinison there. He said it was insane there. He said it's in the round so it was interesting to see him there.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Fred how cool that was to see those guys jam out on that guitar. Fred said it was an honor. Howard said he looked over to Fred to do a male bonding thing and Fred was looking down. Fred said he was looking at his monitor. Howard said he wanted to give him the nod. He figured he was cumming in his pants like he was. Fred said Billy's hand is like a machine when he plays.
Howard asked Fred if he's seen them play live before. Fred said he hadn't seen it live, just on tape. Howard asked why they say that it's just the same three chords. Fred said they're underselling it. He said they know what they're doing.
Howard took another call who said that was a top 5 interview. He said that he came in his pants and he was just listening on the radio. Howard said he wishes that the fans could see it live like that. He said it's really impressive. He said they're so relaxed with those instruments.
Howard said Scott was congratulating himself with the set up in there and then they started out and his voice was reverberating and they had some other issues when they started the second song. Howard said he looked at Scott to help him and he just looked at him. Howard said Scott was thanking the crew there and everything was fucked up. He said even with the set up on Sunday he knew things were going to be fucked up. Fred did his impression of Scott and goofed on him a bit.
Howard said Scott should have come in on Saturday too. Howard asked what the story is. Scott said it was the output in the studio. Howard asked why he doesn't remember what went wrong so it doesn't happen again. Scott said the second song was a problem because the guitar was picking up a radio station. Howard congratulated him on the whole thing anyway. Howard and Fred did their impressions of Scott for a few more seconds.
Howard played more interviews and some guys were saying that everyone got beat up in Roosevelt. He said it wasn't just the white guys. Howard said he can't believe Sal went there.
Sal asked some people if they would want a Howard Stern statue in Roosevelt. They said they would not. They don't want people to know he's from Roosevelt. Some people were saying he's a clown. Howard said they're acting like Roosevelt is some great town. One guy said that he never does anything for them. Howard said they should do things for themselves. One guy did seem to like Howard. Most of the others said that he doesn't need to come back.
Howard asked Sal if it was freaky being there. Sal came in and said that he grew up in Bayshore and Howard has him beat tenfold. He said that went in front of a bodega and asked people the questions. He said that he had a guy pull up wearing shoes covered in racoon fur. He said it was pretty wild. Howard asked if there were stores in business. Sal said there were and one lady went inside a Laundromat to smoke. Howard said you can't tell people the rules there. Sal said he had a nightmare that night. Howard said he had them every night.
Gary said they had a meeting where they were going to go out and ask if they wanted a statue erected in the town square. Gary said there is no town square. Gary said he grew up a town over from there and if you crossed over the bridge it was like going into ''Escape from New York.'' Howard said he used to ride his bike to Baldwin and it was a great escape. He said he loved being there. Gary said they never went through Roosevelt. They'd go the long way around to avoid it.
Howard said Sal has been pitching a bit to do over and over. He wants to do something called Splooge. Sal said that he wanted to find out who could splooge the quickest with a bunch of guys trying to finish. Howard asked where they're going to do that and why anyone would think of that. Gary said that Sal thinks he can do it in 90 seconds. Howard said that's a guy who hasn't gotten laid in years. Sal said he thinks he could beat everyone. Howard asked where they would do it. Sal said maybe Richard's apartment. He said they might have to do it side by side. Howard said maybe he should come up with something cerebral since they're on radio.
Sal said that the Long Island Medium was on The Dr. Oz show. Howard said that these people are all fakes. He said that Sylvia Brown told a woman that her daughter was dead and 10 years later she's found alive. Sal said that's not Theresa Caputo though. Sal said that they did a brain scan on Dr. Oz's show and they found that her brain changed when she did a reading. Howard said that he has no respect for Dr. Oz if he had her on the show. Howard said he's one of those Oprah people.
Sal said that Theresa's brain waves changed. He said that it wasn't anything fake. Howard said that they're all fake. Howard said that they just can't get that through to Sal. Howard said you have to hear this tape he has. He played the clip and this guy is talking about Sylvia Brown and what a phony she is. The guy plays audio of Brown telling the mother of a kidnap victim that her daughter is dead. Then he plays a clip of her telling a woman that her son is in water somewhere. The woman said that her husband died in 9/11 but Brown kept saying she's seeing him in water. The guy played a news report about how they found the boy alive after Sylvia Brown said that he was dead. The guy pointed out that a psychic should be right 100 percent of the time if you're a psychic.
Howard said that guy is so right. Sal said that he's not. He said that Theresa Caputo is the real thing. Howard played a clip of The Amazing Randy talking about how they're all fake. He said that they take advantage of these people who are upset about losing a family member. Randy was saying that people like Sylvia Brown charge $700 for a reading. He said you throw out ideas and initials when they're doing a reading and that leads to them getting hints at what they can go on with.
Howard had a picture of Sal with Theresa Caputo and her husband. Howard wondered if she has convinced herself that she's a medium. Howard said maybe she tells the husband they'll do this another two years and get out of town.
Howard played more audio of the Amazing Randy talking about Sylvia Brown and how she didn't know how to reach him. He said she's a psychic and there are telephone books too. He said that she said he wasn't a godly man so she didn't want anything to do with him. They're offering a million bucks to prove that they're psychic. Howard said that's what she should do. Howard said if Randy tells her that she's real then he'll have her on the show. Howard said Sal is the biggest dupe on the planet. Sal said he believes in her and he thinks she can prove Howard wrong. Howard laughed.
Sal said he hasn't done a reading with her but he doesn't want to. Howard said he might find out what a moron he is. Sal said he thinks that she's an amazing woman. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Howard signed her book in Chicago. She said that Ronnie did a good job and didn't take a photo with him. Howard asked how this woman has such a good phone line. Howard said he wants a study done on this. He said that her phone line is very clear. She was on a hard wired phone. The caller said she has curly hair and she'd like to know what kind of hair stuff he uses. Howard said he uses Splooge. Howard said he always finds something he likes and the company goes out of business. Howard said he used something called Wet Stuff but they went out of business. Howard said he has a list of products that Toni puts in his hair. He told Gary to find out from Toni what she uses and put it on the web site. The caller said that would work.
The caller asked if they could put Fred's clip show on Howard TV. Howard said they only did it for radio. Howard said they should do it for TV as well. Howard let her go after that.
Howard asked Robin if her microphone is working. Robin said it is. She said she had the sound off for some reason. Robin looked up ''skins'' in the urban dictionary and it is the lips of the vagina or a couple of other things. She said it was nothing about money.
Howard said they were talking about Benjy tasting his own cum. He said it was really disgusting. Howard said he has never heard of that before but they went out and asked people on the street if they would eat their own cum. Howard said of course they won't. He said people are repulsed when they hear this.
Howard played the clip of Sal and Richard asking people if they would eat that. The guys were all saying that they wouldn't do it and they would leave it for the women. One guy freaked out and said that's nasty. Another guy said that he would get upset if a woman spit his cum back into his mouth. He said he could call her a bad word.
Robin asked Benjy if he gets that it's disgusting now. Benjy said he didn't eat it. He said he just tasted it. That led to Fred playing an ''Into the Benjy Vortex'' clip. Howard said Benjy thinks that everyone tastes it. Howard said that he has never done that. Benjy said that's crazy. He said that he's kissed a woman after she blew him so he has. Howard said no. They played another vortex bit.
Gary came in and told Howard that this is why it's the vortex. Benjy keeps insisting that Howard has tasted it and he keeps doing that. Gary said that's what happens on the Wrap Up Show too.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's ever done anything like sticking his dick on a chick's nipple. Howard said he has never done that. Howard said that he doesn't think he kisses a chick after she blows him. Howard said he isn't that into oral sex anyway. Howard said it's possible that he's kissed a girl after they've blown him but he hasn't tasted his own cum. Howard said he hates Benjy. He said he's too annoying. Howard said he tried hanging out with him at dinner but he can't do that. He said he's even weird at dinner. Robin said that's true. She said that maybe he's different with the girlfriend. Howard said there's something wrong with her that she's with Benjy. Howard said she seems like an angel but there has to be something wrong with her.
Howard said Elisa could get a lot of dudes and she's with Benjy. Go figure. Howard said she's pining for him and begging for marriage. Howard said he should tell her that he dipped his finger in his cum and tasted it. Howard said them maybe she'll leave.
The caller said he'll follow Howard wherever he goes. Howard said he's a real fan. Howard said a lot of fans have been with them a long time. He said it's a long relationship. He said he appreciates that. He did a live commercial read after that.
They played another song parody about Benjy tasting his cum. Howard asked if they're still on that. Howard said Fred must think that's weird. Fred said he does. Howard asked Benjy if he spit it out after that. Benjy said he didn't swallow it. He just put his tongue on it. Howard said he's done after that. He said he doesn't care.
Howard said he sees OJ on the cover of the Post today and he's fat. He loves that. Robin said they always put the craziest looking picture in there. Howard said they do the same to him. He said OJ is saying he wants a new trial for the robbery thing. He said he's in for 9-33 years. Howard said he has a proposal for him. He can have that trial if he lets them have a new trial for the Nicole Brown case. Howard said maybe no attorney could get OJ off in this case.
Howard said he was reading about a guy who stabbed another guy who was in a threesome. Howard said the guy didn't like that the other guy changed position so he stabbed him. Howard joked that he and Fred did that too. Fred wasn't in there.
Howard said he loves Jimmy Kimmel. He said he realized that they have something in common. They both make love to their head writers. Howard said Jimmy does Molly and he does Fred.
Howard said they were interviewing Jennifer Aniston's hair stylist and he admitted he was stoned when he invented that Rachel hair cut she had on Friends.
Howard said the Tan Mom is coming in soon. Howard said that she was a great guest. Robin said she was great. Second only to JD. Howard said it was great when Ray Liotta called in. Gary said Sal wants to play Splooge when Tan Mom is there. Howard said Sal is really into her.
Robin started her news and said there's a war on pre-nups. Robin said a woman had her pre-nup vacated and that could be bad news for anyone with a pre-nup. Robin said that they're taking her argument word for word trying to do the same with others. Howard said she must have a whacked out lawyer or something. Robin said that it was like the day before the weeding that she signed it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Howard should have asked how they got the name ZZ Top. Howard said he didn't think of it. Howard said Fred might know. Fred said he's read a few things. One was about using the letters from ZigZag rolling papers and something else.
Howard played a Tan Mom (Patricia Krentcil) song that she put out. She was singing about tanning of course.
Howard said he read that Brad Pitt took his kids to Paris to meet the makers of their favorite jam. Howard said that's nuts. He said he's looking forward to the new movie he's in. Howard said it looks good. It's called World War Z. Howard said he wishes that JJ Abrams could come out with a new Star Trek every week. He said NBC is bringing out a Dracula show. Howard said that they need to get an ugly guy to play the part of Dracula. Howard said they should have him play the part. He said he'd be a big, ugly Dracula. JD came in and said that the guy playing Dracula is a pretty boy. Howard said he stopped watching the Vampire Diaries. He said he hated it after the first season. He said that he hated Being Human too. He said the werewolf was lame.
Howard said he read a story about a 12 year old kid that the father tied up in the back yard like a dog. He said a Jehovah's Witness came by and saw the kid and saved him. Howard said that's the first time someone is glad a Jehovah's Witness stopped by the house.
Howard read some email about Evil Dave being on the show last week. Howard said Dave came to the AGT tapings in Chicago. Howard said he introduced Dave to Howie Mandel. Howard said he was sitting right next to him at the show. Howard said Dave was just blurting stuff out and giggling to himself. He said that he was with two normal guys and they appeared to be cringing. Howard said that he was yelling out jokes that didn't make any sense. Robin said he does consider himself a joke writer. Howard said this is funny. He played the audio of Dave eating potato chips and screwing up the word ''Condolence'' when he was rehearsing for his appearance.
Howard said he introduced Howie to Dave and Howie went over to meet him. Howard said he heard Howie saying that he thought he was doing a voice but that was just his natural voice. Howard played more of Dave screwing up his rehearsal. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the supporters that Dzhokhar Tsarnaev has. Robin had some audio of one girl talking about how they did not do this and how they're slandering their names by saying that they did. The girl sounded very young. Howard said that the theory is that he's too cute to have committed the crime. Howard said sometimes good looking people go off the deep end and kill people. He said that it is strange but it does happen.
Robin read about Angelina Jolie announcing that she had a double mastectomy. Robin said that she had a very good chance of getting breast cancer because she carried the gene for this type of cancer that killed her mother. Howard said a lot of women are cutting off their titties for this reason. Howard wondered what she has there now. Robin said she had them reconstructed. Howard said she might have even bigger titties now. Robin said she had an 87 percent chance before the mastectomy and now it's a 5 percent chance. Howard said she had her nips removed. Robin said they remove the whole breast. Howard said she was nude in that movie Gia and she had some body. Howard said no wonder Brad ran off to Paris with the kids. Robin said Angelina's mother died at the age of 56 after battling cancer for 10 years. Robin said Angelina said that they knew it was the right thing to do and it brought he family closer. Howard said that has to be the hardest thing to do. Howard asked Robin if she would lop off her breasts if she had that gene. Robin said that's a horrible decision to have to make. Robin said Angelina said that she felt like she was in a science fiction movie. Howard read a live commercial a short time later. Howard said Little Mikey would kill himself if Robin removed her breasts.
Robin read about suicide and that led to Howard saying it should be an option. He said that it should be okay for extreme conditions. He said we're archaic with our thinking. Robin said that this guy in Vermont has said he will sign a law that will allow doctors to prescribe a lethal dose of drugs for people who are predicted to have 6 months or less to live. Howard said that they'll never let that become law. He said the politicians are pussies. He said people should be allowed to stop suffering.
Robin read some news about the Syrian war and how some rebel was filmed eating the heart and liver of a soldier.
Robin had some news about the Cleveland kidnapping victims and how some people are upset about Charles Ramsey taking credit for the rescue when it was someone else who found them first. Howard said they should Autotune that woman's voice like they did with Charles Ramsey. Howard played some of the song he was talking about. Howard said that Autotuning the news is a big thing now. He said he'd like to do that with some news. Robin asked where Sal and Richard are in this. Howard told the guys to go put this together and hummed over the clip of the woman talking. Gary said they have an Autotune prank call. Howard said that's a good one. He played the clip where Sal and Richard called a pizzeria and did it with Autotune on their voices.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has a friend who took her breasts off. He said they take the breast tissue out and leave the skin there. Howard said Robin would need a convoy of trucks to remove her tissue. Howard said they'd need dump trucks for that. Fred played some truck sound effects playing as Howard was talking about that. Howard was on his megaphone directing the trucks. Howard said one of the axles broke from the weight. Fred played some sounds for that as well.
Robin read about how an auction company is trying to sell some Kobe Bryant memorabilia and Kobe is trying to stop it. He gave this stuff to his mother and now she's trying to sell it. Howard said you'd think the mother would keep it. Robin said he gave it to her as a gift. Howard said it's not right if your son doesn't want you selling it. Robin said they apparently gave her $450,000 in advance to sell this stuff. Howard said he went to a friend's house and he had bought at auction Ralph Kramden's bus driver outfit from The Honeymooners. Howard said he was kind of blown away by that. He said it was fucking cool. Howard said he really liked it. Robin asked if he'd say the same about John Travolta's suit from Saturday Night Fever or Dorothy's shoes from the Wizard of Oz. Howard said no way. He said there are some things that would be kind of cool to save like that. He said that he'd like to have Fred Gwynne's Herman Munster outfit. He said Rob Zombie would come over and get all jealous.
Howard said he sees this guy on the phone ever morning. He said he has been calling for about a month now and he wants to know when the last time was that his father said ''I love you.'' Howard picked up and the guy was sleeping. Howard said he's on the phone at 6 every single morning. Howard said his name is Vince. He said he calls in every day and asks the same questions. Howard said they're the two least interesting questions on the planet. Howard said his dad does say he loves him but he's been badgered into it. Howard did his impression of his dad yelling ''I love you'' at him. He said he knows his mother made him do it. Howard said he probably thinks he's a big pussy for wanting him to say that.
Robin read about how two men in Mexico City have been arrested for the slaying of Malcolm X's grandson. Robin said that these men were the likely killers.
Robin read about some of the demolition going on at the shore in New Jersey and how Prince Harry is going to be there. Howard said he'd rather have Prince the singer there. Howard played a clip of Prince's demo for the song ''Manic Monday'' that was given to The Bangles. Howard said that Susanna Hoffs was hot in that band. He said she was really hot in that Walk like an Egyptian video. Howard talked up the song like he would have done at NBC as Fred played it.
Robin said that Newt Gingrich is upset about the name of his cell phone. Robin said that he's looking for someone to name it something other than cell phone. Howard suggested ''Kinney James.'' Robin said Gingrich thinks it doesn't fit since the phones do so much more than make calls. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:30am.
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Howard said ZZ Top is coming in and Scott has been preparing for this for days. Gary said this is crazy. He said Scott came in on a Sunday to prepare. He said Scott must love ZZ Top because he had no complaints at all. Howard said he knows that they did the sound check and everything. He said that he has to figure out which microphones will stop working during the performance.
After the break Howard came right back and said he should play Sal and Richard's new call. Gary was in the studio and told him where it was. Howard said he can't keep track of all of the stuff he has to play. He said that he doesn't want to let it slip through the cracks.
Howard took a call from Eric the Midget. Eric said he's pissed off with Twitter. Howard said Eric writes in caps and yells at people on Twitter. He said that people say that he's ungrateful and that sets him off.
After the break we heard Cliff Palate singing AC/DC's ''For Those About to Rock'' and a ''Schindler's List on Broadway'' commercial parody. We also heard a prank call the guys made to a show using clips of Howard asking how many inches the guy had. Fred also played Queen's ''Bohemian Rhapsody'' as they were coming back.
After the break we heard Ben Stern's ''Proper Modulation'' song. Howard came back after that and said that he saw his parents yesterday. He said they're doing really well knock on wood. Howard knocked on his Formica desk. Scott DePace told him there is wood behind him. Howard said it looks faux. Howard said he's gotten into that knocking on wood thing as a superstition.
Howard said Sal went to do some interviews in Roosevelt Long Island. Howard said that he asked people if they knew Howard Stern grew up there and they didn't want to hear it. Howard played some of the interviews. Sal asked people what famous people grew up there. They named a lot of people like Karem Abdul Jabar, Eddie Murphy, Julius Irving and others. Sal told one woman that Howard Stern grew up there and she said he's a wise ass. One guy said he'd like to hang out with him because he got famous.
After the break Howard came back and did a live commercial. He took a call from a woman after that. The woman said that Gary is an idiot. She said that ''Skins'' means money. Gary had mentioned that ''Skins'' meant women in the interviews that Sal had done on the streets of Roosevelt. Howard said he thought that they meant money. He knew Gary was wrong. Gary said that he and DL Hughley talked about bumping skins. He said that wasn't money. The caller said Gary is wrong. Gary said she could be right but she might be wrong too. Howard said he doesn't know why he's arguing about ebonics. He said it's not doing anyone any good. He said you have to speak English. Howard said JD doesn't but that's all he could afford.
Howard said he wanted to talk about Robin's news. They played Robin in with a song parody to the tune of ZZ Top's La Grange.
Jon talked to Sal about going to Roosevelt. He also asked about going into the studio and how he has to climb up hill trying to convince Howard to do something. Sal said there is no budging Howard off of anything. He said once his mind is made up there is no changing it. He said that's why he keeps trying the Theresa Caputo thing. He said he won't let that go. Jon said he thought he was letting it go a few weeks ago. Sal said he was. He said he doesn't believe in psychics but he thinks that she is the exception.
Sal said that some people believe in one god. He said he only believes that there is one true god. He said that Theresa Caputo is the exception and she's the one. He said he won't go to a fortune teller and believe it. Jon said if he believes she's one then he does believe in it. Sal said he does believe that she has an extraordinary gift. He said that her brain does change when she's doing a reading. Sal said that they have proven it on Dr. Oz that her brain waves change. Sal said it's literally impossible to be in that state when you're awake. Sal said he believes that he may be on to something if she was on Dr. Oz and they found this.
Jon said Sal is skeptical of everyone but Theresa. Jon said he has been convinced. Sal said he's not anymore. Jon said he believes in psychics then. Sal said it's just one. He said he doesn't know what she is but she has a unique way of speaking to the dead. Sal said she's unique in what she does. Sal said she's pretty amazing.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what floor they're on. Jon said they're on the 36th. The caller asked why he doesn't want to run for the window when he's talking to Sal. Jon said he thinks Sal is very interesting to talk to. Jon said that he's just trying to tell Sal that he believes that this psychic thing exists if he believes in one.
The caller said that he's never heard someone revive a conversation and contradict himself so much. He said Sal has to be the most entertaining person. He said he thinks that he has Aspburgers and that's what makes him brilliant. Sal said he has all the parts there but it's hard to put them all together. He said he's like a puzzle missing a piece or two.
Jon said the caller said he was contradicting himself. He asked if he realizes that. Sal said it's in his head but it's hard getting it out. Jon said it's not hard to get out the Splooge idea. Sal said he thinks that would be fun. Sal asked Jon if he would play. Jon said no but Sal included him in the game anyway. Sal said he thinks he could get off looking at Tan Mom. Jon asked why he's proud that he can get off so quickly. Sal said he did it recently and it was like 90 seconds. He said he was watching some porn on the iPad at the time and it was old and young women. He said the guy was fucking this woman with a champagne bottle and it was crazy. They had to take a break a short time later.
Jon said that ZZ top was in there today and Scott the Engineer was giddy over that. He came in on a Sunday and was all happy about that this morning. Ronnie said Scott bitched about that anyway. Gary said he thought that he wanted to do it.
Gary said that it sounds like an amazing moment for Scott and he made it sound so unexciting. Ronnie said he got a 1 hour private concert. Jon said Scott made the mistake of taking a bow before the bit happened. He said it's going to bite you in the ass if you do that.
Jon said that Gary was busting Scott's balls and Howard was getting on him about that. Jon asked Ronnie about the dynamic between the three guys. Ronnie didn't know what he was talking about. Jon asked if he's okay over there. Ronnie said he's fine. He said that the three guys were getting along in the green room just fine. He said they were talking in there and downstairs when they got there. He said the three of them came in the same limo.
Jon said that Howard was really wowed by them today. Gary said it was exciting to him to give Howard something that was so exciting to him.
Jon and Gary talked about the clothes they were wearing and things like that. They talked about how Dusty and Billy have a look while Frank doesn't really go with that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thought ZZ Top was great. He said he thinks that Jon should convince Howard to get Rush in the studio. Jon said he has tried. He said Gary knows he's tried and it's Howard's decision in the end. Gary said he might be able to get Howard to have them in but they've never really offered to come in.
Jon took a call from Bobo who was saying that he agrees with Sal about the Long Island Medium. Gary said if she's that good then she should be able to give lottery numbers and things like that. Bobo said that it's not about that. He said it's about the hereafter. Gary said that if she got Houdini's secret password then maybe he'd be convinced. Bobo said she talks to people's lives that she knows nothing about. Bobo said that he's spoken to people who have gone to her and they believe something is real there. Bobo said he used to go to a psychic years ago too.
Gary said that it's very well explained that if you go in there wanting to believe that you'll give up information. He said that they feed you bits of information that lead to you giving up information.
Jon said he heard Bobo got an award. Bobo said he got the Number one instructor of the year for the New York State driving instructors. He said he's going to the award ceremony soon. He said maybe Howard TV wants to cover that. Jon said they'll check with Doug Goodstein about that. They went to break a short time later.
Gary asked Ronnie if Howard would hang out if they didn't work together. Ronnie didn't think so. Gary said he doesn't think Howard would hang with him either. Jon asked if Howard would stay friends with Robin or Fred or anyone else. Gary said it all depends. He said he thinks that Ralph might stay in his life. He said he's not sure.
Gary said that Ralph likes things the way he likes them and he's not afraid to ask. He said that he will just ask for that stuff. Jon said he's the same way. Steve Brandano said you just have to go to Wendy's with Jon to see that.
Ronnie said that Ralph is always the same but Howard becomes a different person. He said that he gets in that Ralph mode where he busts balls all the time. Ralph said they do that all the time. Ronnie said Howard only does it when he's around Ralph though. Ralph talked about what he'll ask for on the flight and how he'll ask them to change things. Ronnie said Ralph will ask for a bloody Mary or something on the flight. Ralph said that's not that crazy.
Jon said that the funny thing is with Ralph and how he gets off on this stuff. Ralph said he doesn't. Jon said he does too. Jon asked Ralph if he thinks that he's real friends with Howard. Ralph said they don't hang out like they used to. He said that he doesn't know if they're best friends. He said that he considers Howard one of his best friends though.
Ralph told the guys about going to see Star Trek with Howard and how he thinks Howard is crazy thinking the 3D thing is going to hurt his eyes. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:15am.
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Howard started the show talking about the Hottest Chick Biggest Superfan contest they have coming up. If you want to enter you can find rules at SiriusXM.com/Howard. They have a $5,000 grand prize for the winner.
Howard said they got a lot of email about their great guests this week. He said they have Rob Corddry and Roger Daltrey coming in today. He said it should be an interesting show.
Howard said Jimmy Kimmel was at the ABC up fronts this week and he was telling some jokes about the shows they have on the network. Howard read some of the lines he had at the up fronts. Howard said that he's also known as Kinney James. Howard said he's already emailed him as Kinney James.
Howard said they had a great show yesterday with ZZ Top. Howard said Scott the Engineer came through with the mix because he thought they sounded really good. Robin said it really was great. Howard played their performance of ''La Grange'' from yesterday's show. Howard said he almost got in on the show but he thought better of it and shut up. Howard started singing along with the replay though.
Howard said the guys in ZZ Top look like bikers. He wondered if they actually are. Howard said he thinks that they're sick of the beard questions so he didn't get into that too much. Howard asked Fred why it sounds like there's a rhythm guitar in there when there isn't. Fred said the bass is taking up the slack. He said he kind of rides on top of the rest of it. Fred said they have a lot of years of experience. Howard said they're really good. Howard said they were going nuts.
Howard said they put a little clip of them up on the web. He said they had some plastic up in front of the drums. They had to do that for the sound in the studio.
Howard said he wanted to get involved with the song in some way but he didn't know how. He said he could listen to that shit all day. He said he might get the 10 CD set. Gary said they're going to send it to him. Howard said one of his prized possessions is a photograph of those guys that they all autographed. He said it's a great shot of them and he keeps it on his desk.
Howard asked what song they went into. Robin said they were just riffing. Howard said he heard it was a song from their first album. Fred said they do that. They just throw stuff in there. Fred said there will never be another ZZ Top. He said no one can play like this. He said that the guy in the Black Keys is supposed to be the heir apparent. Howard said they're big fans of that guy from what he's heard.
Howard said he suffers from Old Dude-itis. He said this is the generation of stuff he likes. Robin said the younger people don't have a clue that the music they like sucks.
Howard said they had some song parodies that came in to the tune of ZZ Top songs. Gary told him where they were. Howard said he almost needs a co-pilot for this crap. He played one parody about JD that was to the tune of ''Sharp Dressed Man'' by Eli Braden. Howard said he had a whole bunch of them. He said he had one from Psych. He played that one too. That was to the tune of the Beatles song ''Get Back.'' Howard had another one where the singer was mumbling like JD as he sang about how he can't speak. That was to the tune of the song ''Tonight'' from West Side Story.
Howard replayed ZZ Top's ''Chartreuse'' from yesterday's show. He said he liked that one as well. He said if he wrote that song they'd goof on him but those guys made it work. Robin said she thinks it's the music. She said they have that sound. Howard said he pictures them fucking tons of chicks. Robin wondered if the beards scared people away. Howard said it only works for them. He said Rick Rubin has one like that. He said he's seen Rick with hot chicks. He said he was going to do an intervention and tell him to shave it all off. Howard said he's the one who should probably grow one. Howard asked Robin if she can imagine kissing a dude with one like that. Robin wondered how you even get in there with a beard like that.
Howard said Frank the drummer likes not having a beard. He said he still has his anonymity that way. Robin said it seems like a lot of upkeep. She said they were all groomed and combed. Howard said he thought they should put out a video where they have people swinging from the beards. He said they could have a whole world living in the beards.
Howard said people haven't forgotten about Robin. He had a parody called ''Your Butt is the Deepest'' that he played for her. Howard said that was a Rod Stewart song. Fred said he thinks that Cat Stevens wrote that song. Howard said Fred is right but Rod made it famous.
Howard said he had a song parody about how old Ronnie is. He played that and it was to the tune of ''9 To 5'' but it was ''Ronnie's 95.'' Howard said he thought people would like that one.
Gary said Jon Leiberman came in and explained that Big Foot thinks that the hospital made him eat a donut off the floor so that's why he has gall stones.
Howard said Sal was acting like an idiot on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Howard said Jon is good with him because he just lets him talk. He said Sal won't let go of the Long Island Medium. He said Jon asked Sal if he believes in Psychics but he believes in one, the Long Island Medium. Sal thinks she's the one exception. Jon had to argue with Sal that he does believe in them if he believes in one. Then Sal was talking about believing in god and how people believe in different gods.
Howard said Sal is always an idiot when he's arguing. Howard asked where he was. Howard told him to get in there. He said he had a quick question about the psychic stuff. Howard asked him how to spell it. Sal spelled it correctly. Sal said Dr. Oz is smart and he conducted a series of tests. Howard said he's trying to get ratings. He said that all he found was brain waves changing. He said that Sal's never do but everyone else's do.
Howard said he was thinking about this Angelina Jolie thing. He said he admires that she came out and explained why she did this. Howard said that what people don't know is that Sal's family has a history of brain cancer so they removed Sal's brain. Sal said that Howard's family has nose problems but Howard has plenty left. Howard said he can say what he wants but he still doesn't have a brain.
Howard played a song parody about Sal believing in the psychic shmucks. Sal said the thing that's sad is that the medium's husband emailed him and asked him to stop already. He said even they're sick of him trying to support them. Howard played more of Sal talking about how he doesn't believe in psychics but he does believe in Theresa Caputo. Howard got a laugh out of that.
Howard said they have to tape Sal getting a reading. Sal said he doesn't want to get one. He said he'd rather not hear his grandmother talking about things he's done. Robin said he really believes that she's going to be able to do that. Sal said his grandpa called him a shit head all his life so he doesn't need to hear that again.
Howard played more of Sal talking about the brain tests they did on Caputo on the Dr. Oz show. Howard asked Sal what he's afraid his grandma would say. Sal said there are just some things. He said he'd be embarrassed. Robin said even when they cross over his family is horrible. Howard asked Sal if he thinks that his grandmother is really going to get into Caputo's head and insult him. Sal said he's afraid that she'd be upset with what he's done. He said he thinks that when he gets to heaven you don't want to see your grandson sticking things in his pouch. Howard said she might be upset about him seeing his aunt shit and beating off to that.
Howard said what she's going to laugh at his teeth being so ridiculously white. Sal told him to stop it. Robin said Sal is amazing. She said this is why he should go to her. She said that she won't know a god damn thing about his family. Howard said she will because her brain waves change. Sal said it was a phenomenon. Howard said that he knew they were real when Montel Williams said they were real.
Howard said he thinks that Theresa is getting a bad name all on her own. Robin said that what they say every time is that the dead person is in a good place and they're fine.
JD said that they had Theresa Caputo videos on the same site that showed that Sylvia Brown was a fake. Sal said they're just trying to use her to get people to visit their site.
Sal said he was amazed by some psychics as he was growing up. Howard said this sounds like the ramblings of a moron. Robin said that he was saying that he didn't believe in them and now he's talking about how he was impressed by these people. Howard said you know Sal didn't read the books. Sal said he did read them. Howard didn't believe it.
Sal said he went to see George Anderson and he thought things were going to happen. He said not a fucking thing happened. Sal said the guy took their money and he heard his mother's accent and he heard an Italian voice. Sal said that he knew the guy was fake after that. Sal said it was a complete ruse and a farce. Then 15 years later Theresa Caputo came along and he thought it was real again.
Sal said that he wants someone else from the show to have a reading so he can keep out of it. Howard told Sal to get out after that. He said that he thinks his grandmother would be upset that he pitched that game ''Splooge'' in the writing meeting. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
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Howard said he was reading the paper yesterday and they were telling people in starving nations to start eating insects. Howard asked what the fucking point is to live if you're born into a country where you have to eat insects. He said Benjy would probably tell them to eat their own cum.
Howard said that the Syrian rebels are cutting out and eating people's hearts. Howard said Benjy would probably argue that he has eaten them and everyone has.
Howard said yesterday he tweeted out that he has never eaten his own cum. He said Albert Brooks picked up on that and said he had just lost a $20 bet. Howard said that's the beauty of Twitter when someone like that gets involved. Howard said the shit heads out there just say he sucks. Robin said that if that's what you're writing then realize you're a shit head.
Howard played a song parody about Benjy. Howard said people are song nuts. Robin said Benjy was trying to get into that song. Benjy said he loves the music.
Howard said he doesn't follow hockey at all but the Boston Bruins won from some phenomenal comeback. He said these analysts were talking and some fans started banging on the window. Howard said it's scary going to these sports games. Howard played the clip of these guys talking about the game and you can hear the fans pounding on the windows. The announcer said he could hardly hear anything. Howard said the guy's voice is shaking in that clip. They kept going talking about the game while the pounding was going on. Howard said he imagines that sound being what Sal hears in his head all day. He said that's nuts. Robin said it's sad.
Howard took a call from a guy but he wasn't there. Robin asked if the sleeping guy called back from yesterday. Howard said he thinks he gave up. Steve Brandano said that he's actually on line 8. Howard said this guy called every day for like a month. Howard said he had him on yesterday and he was sleeping. Howard said he calls every day asking if his father says he loves him. He said he doesn't care. Howard said he stays on hold every day with that question. The caller said it's not the same question every day. He said he has other questions like asking who he thinks would be good at a fitness test. Howard said he has the two worst questions in his arsenal and he calls every day. Howard said he's on hold from 6-10 every day. Howard said there's no way he has a job. The caller said he's looking for a job. Howard said he's not putting him down or anything but it's a sad life. The caller said he's looking for something in a warehouse. Howard said maybe he can be an interviewer for them since his questions are searing.
Howard asked what else he has. The caller asked if Robin, Fred or his dad is more intelligent. Howard said now Vince has a good question. Vince said he thinks his dad would finish third. Howard said he has good questions but he doesn't know how to put them in good order.
Howard said that the thing that throws him off with Fred is that he went to a shitty college and he won't take an IQ test. Howard said Fred says he didn't take the SAT tests. He said that he thinks he just did shitty on them. Fred said he didn't take them. Howard said Robin is really smart. She was on Jeopardy. Howard said she's very bright and she was a nurse. He said she's no dummy. Howard said she has good reading comprehension. Howard said Fred is insane with his knowledge.
Howard said his dad is really smart too. Howard said he's book smart but has a lot of common sense too. Howard said his dad got his first class radio telephone license and all he did was read books to learn it. Robin said that's a sign that you're bright. She said that's amazing. Howard said his dad is mathematically brilliant and he can build anything. He said that's a really high sign of intelligence to him. He said he went into his bedroom and built cabinets and stuff and it looked like it came out of a store.
Vince said he thinks that Fred is really smart and he'd beat them. Howard said he thinks that his dad might win. He said Fred can play music too. He said that's pretty impressive too. Howard said his dad grew up poor like Fred. He said that they had to take him out to a restaurant and teach him how to order. Howard said he might put his dad at the top of that list. Robin said she thinks that they're getting dumber and it's been proven by science. Robin said that people are getting stupider and his father is from a generation that's really bright. She said they created the world they have today and made it so cush that we're dumb.
Howard said he has a clip about Jackie the Joke Man Martling. Howard said this is from Jackie's radio show that they gave him. Howard said that Jackie is talking about how he knows that he's be best friends with Paul McCartney if he met him. Howard said Jackie heard that Paul likes jokes so he'd have to like him. Howard said this is Jackie being delusional. Howard played the audio clip and Jackie was so sure that Paul would be his friend and he'd seek him out any time he was in New York. Howard said you know Paul doesn't want to know some sad comic. He said he's so grateful that wasn't there when Paul was on the show. Howard said it would have been embarrassing. Robin said Paul would have had a bag full of Jackie's crap. Howard said he'd rather not have Paul go through that with Jackie. Robin said Jackie used to give his junk to every guest. Howard said he asked him not to do it and Jackie said that the guests loved that stuff. That led to Howard doing his Jackie impression for a minute.
Gary said the best part was that Jackie would give out his crap as tips to people. Howard said Jackie used to call him cheap. He said Jackie is the cheap one. Howard remembered the crappy gift Jackie gave him as a gift for his kid. Gary said Jackie would always say that the people loved the bag of stuff he gave to them. Howard went into a live commercial and then to a break after that.
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Howard said that Rob Corddry is coming in. Howard said he knows that Rob is in a lot of shows but he's one of those guys that you don't know. He said you see him a lot and say ''Hey, that's that guy.''
Rob said he knows that he's like that. He said that when he was in college he and his friends said they wanted to be ''that guy.'' Rob said he's been in 6 movies and he plays small parts. Howard said he was in that zombie movie that he liked. Howard said it's a cool movie. Howard said he was in that movie. Rob said he's the bald guy from the stuff. Rob said maybe that's his agent's fault.
Howard said Children's Hospital sounds interesting to him but he doesn't even know it's on. Rob said it's half a cable network and it's only on at midnight. He said that's what Cartoon Network turns into at night.
Howard asked Rob about how that came about. He said he heard that they offered him a half hour but Rob only wanted 15 minutes. Rob said he directed the first season which was a web series. Rob said the show is probably rerunning now. He said he must be terrible at promoting stuff. Howard asked what it's about. Rob said it started out as a parody of Grey's Anatomy and things like that. Now it's a parody of TV in general. He said it's about doctors fucking each other but they're in a children's hospital. Rob said they don't really care about the kids or anything. Howard said that's probably accurate. Howard asked if he's angry at a family member that was a doctor. Rob said he's not. He said he might just be angry at doctor shows.
Rob said about 5 or 6 years ago there was a writer's strike so they did this web series. He said that was a way to do cheap development. He said theirs was the only show that the model worked on. Howard asked if they show two shows every night. Rob said they don't. He said they're paired up with another show that's produced by a friend of his.
Howard asked Rob about the character he plays on Children's Hospital. Rob said now he's in a clown race. He said that's what it has snowballed into. Rob said he doesn't fuck anyone on the show. He said he's the last person to edit it and he doesn't feel good about it. He said he's married and he had to kiss a chick once a couple season's ago and they asked if he wanted to pick the girl. He said he couldn't do that. Howard said that reminds him of when he produced Son of the Beach. Howard said he remembers that Tim Stack's character had to kiss a girl and some of the girls refused to kiss Tim. Howard said that they finally found one and she asked if it paid extra. Howard said he remembers Tim wondering if he was really that bad that no one would even kiss him.
Rob said that it is weird to kiss a girl and pull back to see clown make up on her face. Howard said his wife must get upset about that. Rob said he's not in that position much. He said that he's usually the one who is watching someone doing it.
Howard asked if they're doing another Hot Tub Time Machine. Rob said they are going to start shooting in June. Howard asked if John Cusack said no. Rob said he's not sure what happened there. He said that they're doing this as a really low budget movie. He said John made good money on the first one. He said they made a lot of money with that one and it had a great life on DVD. Howard said that based on the name alone it sounds great. Rob said the title page said ''Based on the incredibly true story'' and that got him. Howard said it made like 50 million at the box office. Howard asked what they're doing with this one. Rob said MGM is notoriously poor and they're doing what they can to do it cheap. He said they'd like to make it for $12 million because they know they'll make money. Howard asked if they're getting back end on the movie. Rob said they are. He said that Adam Scott is now the guy who is kind of taking over that John Cusack role but not really. He said he plays his son in the future. Rob said they get into a tub that goes to the future. Howard said that's something good.
Howard said that if Hot Tub Time Machine 2 came out in 3D and with special effects it would be crazy. He said that they could have this whole futuristic movie. Rob said it takes place like 10 years in the future. He said they have smaller bikinis and nipples are hotter 10 years in the future. rob said they end up missing a guy putting a pug on a hover board and things like that. He said that's the kind of things they'll be doing in the movie.
Howard said he thought for sure that they'd have flying cars by the year 2000 but they got screwed. Howard said the iPad is kind of cool though.
Howard said Rob's mother came out of the closet later in life. Howard said it would be great if his mother did that for him. He did his impression of his mother talking about being a lesbian and talking about her big bush and other women parting the hairs.
Howard asked Rob how old he was when his mother came out. rob said he was 25. He said he had no idea. He said she was a different person. Rob said that his mother said that she just locked it up and put it away all those years. He said his dad was devastated. Howard asked if she always knew that she was gay. Rob said that when his sister was born she remembers having a crush on the nurse at the hospital. He said she never thought about it again. Rob said that they got married really fast too. Rob said he and his wife did that too though. Robin said ''Uh oh...'' Howard said that would be great if it happened to him too. Rob said he has two daughters that he hopes are gay. He said that they like reading and going away to play for hours. Rob said it would be great if they never brought any dick into the house.
Howard asked how his mother is doing now. Rob said she's been with the same woman since she left his father. He said that they're doing great. Rob said he didn't deal with that very well for a while. He said that they thought they were a perfect family growing up. He said he never saw his parents fight. He said then everything was questionable after that. He said he had to go back and parse through it all. He said she used to sleep for like 3 hours in the afternoon and that was from depression. He said he gets that now.
Robin asked how his mother met the other woman. Rob said she met the woman in Seminary. He said she was really into religion for long periods. He said she was searching for something. He said she was going to become a minister and she fell in love there. Howard said he would love to know that whole story.
Rob said that his dad called him once and they were in therapy at the time. He said his dad was quoting ''Men are from Mars Women are from Venus.''
Howard asked Rob if he was living at home at the time. Rob said his brother was. He said his mother called and asked him to come home earlier than he thought he was going to. He said he would. Rob said it clicked to him that she was gay and this was the meeting. He said that his friends thought that he was crazy. Rob said that was it. She picked Father's day to do it. Howard said that's crazy. Rob said they were in the living room and she told them all. Rob said his dad was there and he knew at the time but it was still raw. He said it had just happened to him. He said he's never seen his dad cry before or since then. He said that it was one of the most devastating things to him. He said he was so hurt.
Howard said it would have been funny if Rob had said that it was great and he couldn't wait for the day to talk about it on Howard Stern.
Rob said he grew up in Boston and they're very close minded there. Howard said he thought they were liberal. He said that they're kind of liberal but they're also very segregated. Rob said they used to say ''faggot'' at the dinner table. Rob said he went to school in the 90s and it was very P.C. Rob said he did theater and he met a gay person for the first time. He said he played a gay person in the play they were doing. Rob said you either embrace it fully or walk away from it. Rob said they were nice people and he became friends with some. He said that he would go home and spout this new found enlightenment. He said that his mother seemed to embrace that and maybe he helped her come out. Rob said he felt guilty because if he hadn't introduced her to that then maybe she wouldn't have come out. Rob said one of his childhood friends came out of the closet and his mother got involved in that. He said it was kind of a snowball after that.
Rob told Howard he grew up in Weymouth and how he had to lose his accent to do the play he was in. He said that he was saying ''Maack'' for ''Mark'' in the play so he had to fix that.
Howard said that Rob is a big fan of the show and he was one of the guys who said he wouldn't hire Benjy when he was on Celebrity Super Fan Roundtable. Rob said that he was just piling on. He said that everyone in the industry listens to Howard's show. He said when you have a meeting with someone you either talk about the weather, traffic or Howard Stern. He said that he will slip it into a conversation and they'll end up talking about Ronnie or something.
Howard said that one of the rules in Hollywood is to be professional and be on time. Rob said the thing is that they don't know how Benjy works. He said that they know he's a writer. He said you've got to have a persona that's professional. He said the lateness is fucked up. Howard said Rob was trying to help him by saying that's what the real world is like. Rob said when Howard was talking about retiring people woke up. He said that Benjy should get there early and read a paper like Howard said. He said he could get there 15 minutes early. Howard asked Benjy if he would like to address this. Benjy said he thought they were going to the A-list formula for the show. Rob said he's like the number one guy on the C-list. Benjy said that he's defensive. He said he has been a major part of the show because he's writing a lot of the jokes on the show. Rob said they know that but they don't know which jokes are written by Benjy. He said it's seamless. Howard said that's the way it should be. Howard said Rob is just telling Benjy he should try to be on time. Benjy said he has been on time.
Rob said that they haven't talked about that in a long time. He said that Benjy's presence on the show has to be professional. Howard said Rob didn't get credit for writing on The Daily Show. Benjy asked if he actually wrote for the show. rob said he did but he didn't get a writing credit. Rob said that the people on the show all write the field pieces that they get into. Rob asked if they're in the vortex now. Howard said they are. He said Benjy is sucking him into attacking him. They played an ''Into the Benjy Vortex'' clip to get them out of there.
Howard said that Benjy has improved at being on time. Benjy said this is going to be the best part of the interview. He said that Rob is being kind of boring. Robin told Howard to turn off his microphone. Howard said that immediately and played a vortex song parody.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Rob is making a good point but he's not getting the point across. He said that Benjy's work doesn't come across that clearly on the show. Howard said Fred is a writer on the show too and he doesn't get any credit either. Howard said production people and others on the show write for the show. Howard said they have writing meetings and pitch meetings. He said Rob is making a point about how to act in the work place and Benjy got embarrassed. Howard said he gets that.
Benjy said he agrees with the being late thing. He said that's not what he's arguing about. Howard said saying that Rob is boring is ridiculous. He said that he just talked about his mom being gay. Benjy said that he was being attacked on his comedic ability. Howard said he did not. Howard wondered if he's being dragged into the vortex again.
Rob said that Benjy's thing is that the joke is that there isn't a joke. Benjy said he'd love to have Rob's mother on the show as a guest. He said that she might be interesting.
Howard brought up Scott DePace's wife who is a producer on The Daily Show. Howard said he heard Rob had a crush on her. Rob said that he thought she was attractive. He said she's very nice and she's got freckles that are cute. Howard asked if that makes Scott want to go home and fuck his wife. Scott got on his microphone and said it does. He thanked Rob for that.
Howard took a call from Eric the Actor. Howard said that Rob is there to say hi and he has an extensive background. Howard said that Rob has his show Children's Hospital that's coming back in July. He's also in that movie ''Warm Bodies'' that's really good. Howard said the movie didn't do that well. Rob said he thinks it did. He said that it was a hit. Howard said he loved it.
Howard got to Eric who said hi to Rob. Howard said that he had to do this quickly. Howard said he made a mistake picking up on him. Eric said he's trying to say something. Eric said Johnny is on the line snoring. Howard asked if he's at his house. Eric said he's on the phone at his own house. He's on a conference call. Rob said that's professional. Howard said it's great to hear a guy snoring. rob said he loves when he picks up someone snoring and leaves them on for a half hour.
Howard asked Eric to make a brief statement. Howard said he wanted to talk to Rob about working with Michael Bay. Howard said he heard he was a terror. Eric asked if he was going to get his 30 seconds. Howard said yes but he wants to move on. Eric said he enjoyed talking to Rob at the block party and he wondered how he was doing. Robin said that she knew he was going to have a personal conversation. Rob asked Eric how things have been going since then. Rob asked how the family is doing. Eric said he's just dealing with idiots on Twitter. Rob asked how the weather is. Howard said Eric had nothing to say. He said that Johnny has more to say and he's sleeping.
Eric said that one of the shows Rob was on got canceled. He said it was the show that Don Johnson's daughter was on. Howard wondered why he was talking to Eric.
Howard asked about working with Michael Bay. Rob said that he did an audition with Ashton Kutcher and he was getting in his face a little bit and Ashton smacked him in the face. He said he thinks that he only had to audition for one thing at the time and that was ''That 70s Show.'' He said he thinks that Ashton was nervous. He said he's done reads with people like that before and this was what they call a ''Chemistry Read.'' He said that he thought it was weird and his friend was shaking his head. He said Ashton smacked him again and they ended up getting the movie. Rob said he wasn't even talking about the same thing in the scene but he worked in that smack.
Howard said that he would punch a guy if he did that to him. Rob said he got punched in the face a lot as a kid. Rob said that Ashton just didn't know how to audition. He said he got along with him just fine but he wasn't used to auditioning.
Howard said Rob is a great guy and he doesn't get along with Benjy that well. Rob said he might like him if he hung out with him. Howard said he's not sure he'd get along with him. Howard asked if he makes any money from his 15 minute long Children's Hospital. Rob said he's making a lot of different paychecks from that show but you wouldn't usually.
Howard said he appreciates Rob taking part in the Celebrity Super Fan Roundtable show. He thanked him for coming in and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that the legendary Roger Daltrey from The Who is there. Howard said he has a lot to talk to him about. Howard said Roger is looking good. Howard told him to put on the headphones because the microphone is built in.
Howard said that he had Rod Stewart in there talking about caring for his voice. Howard said that he was thinking about Roger and how Pete would make fun of his singing abilities. Howard said that he's the lead singer. Rob said that Keith used to make fun of him but he could kick his ass. He said that it's like a fight for control of the band.
Howard said he read a story about Roger being hit over the head with a guitar by Pete and he punched him out on stage. Roger said that it was a very silly fight. He said they were rehearsing Quadrophenia and they had hired a film crew to film them. He said the crew were all sitting on the boxes watching the show. He said that he asked if they could start filming because they were almost at the end. He said Pete was just getting to the end of his second bottle of Brandy. He said Pete started poking at him in the chest. Roger said that he was very fiery in the 60s and when he started poking him the other guys jumped on him instead of on Pete. Roger said Pete was spitting at him and poking him. He said he was very drunk at the time. He said Pete told them to let the fucker go and he just stood there when they did. He said that's when Pete hit him with the guitar. He said that he just glanced him in the shoulder. Roger said that Pete started throwing punches but he can't punch very well. He said he threw a right and he dodged it. He said Pete lost his balance and he gave him an upper cut. He said he credited him with giving him that bald spot on the back of his head when he hit the floor.
Howard said that if someone on the show hit him he doesn't think he could patch it up and get back to being band mates. Roger said that you would if it was like a brother. Howard said he was reading about Mick Jagger and Keith Richards and they say it's not like being brothers. They're just band mates. Howard said that a brother would treat you better. Roger said he wouldn't know because he doesn't have a brother.
Howard said he thinks that the problem is that Pete is frustrated that he has to have Roger sing his songs. He said he thinks that drives him up a wall.
Howard said he read about how Roger sat around waiting for Pete for 5 hours one time. He said that Roger slugged him. Roger said he doesn't remember that one. He remembers slugging a producer though.
Howard said he has a lot of questions for Roger about their music. Howard said on this song they brought in Jimmy Page. Roger said they didn't do that, it was a producer. Howard said that's on ''I Can't Explain.'' Roger said Jimmy plays the solo in the song. Howard asked why they brought him in. Roger said they did it live and they needed that to keep the continuity going. Howard said that's a major deal to have Jimmy on a song like that. Roger said it kind of made sense at the time. He said the backing vocals weren't theirs either. He said they had a group there to do that. He said they had to do that to do it live.
Howard said the song ''I Can See for Miles'' is a song that Pete feels is his biggest disappointment because it didn't go to number 1. Roger said that it's such a great record. He said that he was upset about that. Roger said that they never did have a number 1. He said they ended up going to write albums instead of singles. Roger said that they would hope that they'd have a number one song but that was the one straw that broke the camel's back. Howard said you can get caught up in that and it'll make it hard to progress as a band. Roger said that they went on to do Tommy and it was more explorative. He said that they tried that and moved on to something else.
Howard asked Roger about when the Beatles albums came out and if they went and listened to that and figured they had to do something else. Roger said they didn't have to buy it. The songs were everywhere. He said he doesn't think he had to buy an album after 1965 because they were given so many. Roger said you can hear the roots of that music in the music of today. He said he doesn't particularly like the music of today but there are influences in there.
Howard asked Roger if he wanted to be a singer and he had to get out there and do that. Roger said that it was Elvis and the Everly Brothers who got him into that kind of stuff. Roger said that it was the Beatles who made the group thing work. He said that's what made it possible to have a band. He said they changed that. Roger said that they were a band when they heard ''Love Me Do.''
Howard asked Roger about Keith Moon and if he was draining on him. He said that sometimes a death can be a relief in a sense. Roger said that's not what it was like for him. He said it wasn't a relief. He said Keith was an enormous character. He said he was way up there with his personality. He said that it was like fireworks. Howard said it was like his nerves were exposed to the world.
Howard asked about the smashing of the hotel rooms and what that was. Roger said that he thinks Keith may have been autistic. He said that he may have had a very addictive personality too. Roger said that Keith would take these black bombers pills and one pill would be plenty for some people but he'd take a hand full.
Howard asked Roger about the amount of drugs Keith was doing. Roger said that Keith wasn't the worst. He said that this guy Oliver Reed was a big one too. He said that Moon challenged Oliver to a drinking contest. He said that Oliver lived in a monetary for a while and he had a pub at the end of the lane. He said they got a bottle of brandy and had 3 bottles each. He said that Oliver passed out and Moon got up and said he was going to the pub for a drink.
Howard asked Roger about the kind of help they tried to get for Keith. Roger said they tried. He said he once took a monkey tranquilizer. Howard asked what that is. Roger said he's not sure what it was. He said he passed out the second they were on stage and he was out for 24 hours. He said the next day they had to push him around in a wheelchair. He said his mouth was still working but his legs weren't. Roger said it used to destroy him when he did it. Roger said Keith would get upset when he would let them down. He said that they would get pissed at him because they cared about him. He said that he seemed to have 9 lives though. Roger said that they saw him dancing on an air conditioning window unit 16 floors up. Howard said it sounds like he had a death wish. Roger said he doesn't think that's it.
Roger told Howard about Keith going to the airport and he'd strip naked for security. Then he'd run around the airport. He said he just didn't care and everyone loved him for it.
Howard asked if he was married at the time. Keith said he thinks that he was in the process of getting divorced. He had a son around that time and now his son is playing drums just like his dad.
Howard asked Roger about going in to sing a song for Pete and how he would make it work for him. Roger said he had to know the lyrics. He said he can't sing off a sheet. He said he has to learn and have them in his head. He said that Pete would let him change some things but he would go to the press and tell them that he didn't do that.
Howard asked if Roger gets upset when he sees Pete say something about him not singing well. Roger said he's allowed to say that if he wants to. Howard said he would get so upset if that happened to him. He said he reads about Keith Richards and Mick Jagger saying things about each other and he'd be so upset about that. Roger said he never used to worry about it and he still doesn't. Roger said that Keith wrote a song that he wanted sung quietly and he didn't hear it that way so he did it in his own way. He was talking about ''Love, Reign O'er Me'' so Howard played some of that song while they talked about that. Roger said he felt that when you talk about love you don't do it quietly. You scream it.
Howard asked if Roger is sick of singing Who songs. Roger said he's getting tired of ''Don't Get Fooled Again.'' Howard said Billy Joel has talked about getting sick of some songs too. Roger said that they still do the song because people want to hear it.
Howard played ''My Generation'' and asked Roger about the stutter in that song. Roger said he used to stutter a lot when he was younger. He said it worked for that song. He said the joke at the time was about speed and you'd stutter a lot when you were on speed. Roger said it was written that way so that's why he did it like that.
Howard asked if it would be great to have video of their recording sessions so you could see them talking about singing the song like a guy on speed. Roger said these days they do that. Robin said the music is shit today though. Howard said it really is. Roger said back when they were starting out all they had was music.
Howard said Roger has said he doesn't have a cell phone. Roger said he actually does but the phone is ancient. Howard said Pete is way into the tech stuff. Roger said he actually doesn't like the Twitter stuff. He said that he's not that keen on it now.
Howard said he keeps comparing them to the Stones. Howard asked if he would like to be on tour more than Pete does. Howard said he thinks that the Stones always work things out. Roger said they do too. He said that they have to go away for a while all the time. He said that the fans get sick of you and you have to take a break.
Howard asked about the CSI shows and how they use their music on three of the shows. Roger said they all get money from that. He said that Pete gets more because of the publishing.
Howard asked Roger about John Entwistle. Roger said he had a strange relationship with him. He said he cared about him a lot and he hated to see him dying. He said he went grey in the last 5 years of his life. He said he didn't do much about his heart problems and he started drinking a lot. He said that was a hell of a way to go though.
Howard said that Roger saw him slipping away and he couldn't say to him that he wanted to help. Roger said that they couldn't change him. He said they didn't call him ''The Ox'' for nothing. He said that there was no way to change him. He said that he lived the rock and roll lifestyle and he didn't change. Howard said that some people would quit smoking if they were told they had cancer but John would have smoked more.
Howard said he was shocked by Roger coming out against these TV shows that are on now with music acts. Howard said he agrees that most of the stuff is crap because the kids haven't put in the time. Roger said he thinks it's the formula, not the performers. He said that it's the voice too. He said that you hear someone like David Bowie and you know it's him. He said these other people aren't recognizable. He said there are a lot of great voices out there though.
Howard said Roger auditioned to be a judge on American Idol. Roger said he didn't audition. He said he went to meet the producers. He said he never would have done it. He said it was his agent that brought him in. He said he didn't even know what was happening. He said he had a meeting but that's what you do in Hollywood.
Howard asked what he thought of Steven Tyler doing it. Roger said he only saw one show he did but he thought he did fine and he thinks it did him a lot of good. Howard said Roger would have been a good judge. Howard said he knows the business and he wouldn't be afraid to tell a kid he sounds like everyone else. Roger laughed and said he would destroy the rest of that person's life. Howard said he's done that for many people on America's Got Talent.
Howard asked Roger about music today and what's going on in the business. Roger said there is a band called The Stripes coming out of Ireland and they're great. He said they didn't have a lot of original music but they're working on it now. He said if he were a teenager now that's the album he'd be buying.
Howard played The Who's ''Pinball Wizard'' and asked Roger how that song came about. He heard that a reviewer was into pinball so Pete decided to write a song about it and get the guy to like their stuff. Roger said it did go something like that. Howard asked why Pete says this is the most clumsy song he's ever written. Roger said he'd have to ask Pete that.
Howard asked Roger if the song ''Behind Blue Eyes'' is about himself. Roger said a bunch of them in the band had blue eyes so it could be about any of them. Howard asked if Pete handles fame well. Roger said he thinks that Pete might have more trouble than he does. Howard said he's kind of a recluse.
Howard asked who keeps his stuff together. Roger said his grand kids do. Howard said that fame can be a trap and you can get caught up in being alone and then you feel lonely. Howard said this is some song though. ''Behind Blue Eyes'' was still playing. Roger said he likes to change the songs up so they breathe a little bit. He said he'll mix it up in the concerts.
Howard asked Roger how they voted in the band if they had 4 guys in the band. Roger said that it wasn't that bad. He said they didn't fight that often. He said it was like 3 minute flashes of fighting.
Howard asked Roger if he ever thought it would last this long. Roger said they never thought they'd last to the end of the week. He said they named themselves The Who 50 years ago.
Howard said that Roger hates synthesizers. Roger said he doesn't hate them. He said that what he hated was when Pete wouldn't play a guitar solo and he'd play some awful sounding synthesizer thing. He said that he loves this song Howard was playing. Howard was playing ''Baba O'Riley.'' Howard said that no one could sing like Roger. Pete was singing at the point Howard said that. Howard said he meant the song overall.
Howard said that Roger has that powerful sound. He said Pete can do some but he can't really do what Roger does.
Howard played ''Who Are You'' and said that Pete doesn't remember writing that one. Howard said that's so crazy. Howard let that one play for a few seconds.
Howard said that Roger was at Woodstock and asked if there was something special about that day. Roger said they were supposed to be flown in by helicopter but he was driven in by Volkswagen. He said to them it was just another show. He said it wasn't a big deal to them. Roger said they were on the bill with the other bands that they were there with all the time. He said that's why they wanted to do it.
Howard asked Roger if Janis Joplin ever came on to him. Roger said she never did. He said that they used to call her roach because she always had one on her. He said she had a clip on her all the time and it was almost guaranteed she had a roach on her. He said that was almost guaranteed. Howard said he must have known Jimi Hendrix pretty well too. Roger said he knew him too. He said he was more friendly with his wife. Howard asked if he was blown away by Jimi's guitar playing. Roger said everyone was. He said he was a very gentle man too. He said that Jimi tried to get his wife the same night he did but he got lucky.
Howard said Leslie West and Mountain were at Woodstock but their manager told them not to put them in the movie. Howard said Roger and The Who were in it. He played some of their performance from the movie. Roger said that there was a strange echo there. He said they performed without monitors and it wasn't very easy. He said he thought it sounded out of tune but listened for a few more seconds and said it's in tune.
Howard said that Roger is out promoting this charity Teen Cancer. Roger said they started this in England 23 years ago. He said they realized that teens were suffering from cancer and they get the most rare and aggressive cancers. He said they suffer a lot from late diagnosis too. Roger said that this is about care and not medication. He said that from 13-25 they are very different. He said they're not children and they're not adults. He said in Britain they've isolated this group. He said over here they have a group like that but it's 13-40. He said here in the States they're caring for a group that they can isolate and study so they can figure out how to help. Roger said when you turn 18 you become an adult and you get different medication. He said in England they figured that they could give pediatric treatments that they wouldn't have gotten before. He said they have a better success rate with that. He said they want to do the same in America. He said that they need to isolate this group and focus the medicine.
Roger said that if you see a teen in a room with an old fart like him then it's kind of depressing. He said that they need to isolate the teens. Howard said you can find out more at TeenCancerAmerica.org.
Howard asked Roger if he thinks about getting old. Roger said he really doesn't. He said we're all just balls of energy that move once we die.
Howard asked Roger if he had any bands he didn't like for competitive reasons. Roger said they liked a lot of the bands for their music. He said he didn't have a lot of bands that they didn't like. He said Marmalade was kind of teeny bop stuff and that wasn't so great.
Howard asked Roger if he ever wanted to be a lead singer for any other bands. Roger said he would only want to be in The Who. He said he would hate to be his age singing other songs. He said he'd hate to be singing some of the Rolling Stones songs. Howard said that he'd probably hate singing ''Satisfaction.'' Roger said that's what he's talking about.
Howard said he could ask Roger a million questions. He said he thinks he already did. Robin asked how much money Roger has. She said he can't be poor. Roger said he isn't poor at all. He said he's not complaining but he does have to work. Howard said they split the tour money equally. Roger said they did. He said he has to work or he has to make one tour last 4-5 years. He said he has a large family to support.
Howard said some of the guys must get upset that they don't tour more often. Roger said they have to take a year off once in a while. Howard asked if he has gone to see the Rolling Stones at all. Roger said he hasn't seen them in many years.
Howard said he heard that Pete got upset about Roger singing Who songs with an orchestra. Roger said he did that but he felt he was honoring Pete. He said that he thought it worked brilliantly too. Howard said maybe Pete wanted to be involved. Roger said that he could have asked if he wanted to be involved. Roger said he was turning 50 and he thought he'd come. He did come but he showed up late.
Howard asked Roger if he would ever go to therapy. Roger said he wouldn't do that. He said he would never want to change things. Howard asked if Pete respects him the way he respects Pete. Roger said he thinks he does. He said Pete is a different guy now and they don't hang out like they used to. He said they used to fish and do things like that together. He said Pete can be wonderful company too.
Howard said he upset Pete last time he was on. He said that he asked about the thing he didn't want to talk about. He said he would like to talk to him some day. Roger told him to write him a note. Howard said he'd ask him for his address but Roger probably doesn't have it either. Roger said he might have to hand deliver it.
Howard gave Roger another plug for the teen cancer thing and wrapped up with him. Howard said he's a hell of a guy and a great interview too. Howard thanked him for coming in. Roger asked what happened to the jokes today. He said they used to have a lot of jokes. Howard asked how big his cock is. Howard said he's too interesting to waste time with jokes. They went to break a short time later.
Howard got in a plug for the Hottest Chick Biggest Fan contest they're working on. Howard took a call from a guy who said the Roger Daltrey interview was great and thanked him for the years of entertainment.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the last 3 days were the best ever. He said Howard is an amazing interviewer. He said he did a fantastic job.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he can't top this week. He said he's not sure how he could do it. Howard said he's going to retire after this week. He said he's just kidding. He said they just lucked out having these all stars in there this week. Howard said it's been great and he thanked the guys on the staff for doing a great job. Howard said they hope that Big foot will shit another gall stone next week and they'll be great.
Howard said Benjy was fighting with Rob Corddry during the break too. Benjy joked that he also slapped Roger in the head.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's been listening for 17 years and he's his hero. The caller said the last 3 days were amazing. He said he's a huge Who fan so today was great. Howard said he could do a 5 hour show with Roger. He said he'd love to play records and talk to him about the band. He said he knew so many great performers. He said it would go on and on forever.
Howard played the Top 5 songs. He had Bruno Mars at 5. Rihanna was at 4. Justin Timberlake was at 3 and number 2 was Pink. Howard said number 1 was Macklemore and Ryan Lewis.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they were talking about ''Love Rein O'er Me'' and... his phone cut off.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what he would do if he ran into Jay Leno on the street. Howard said he doesn't know. He said when he meets someone he has a thing with he always says hello. He said he hates that he does that. Robin said he did that with Imus. Howard said he did and they said hi. Howard said he shook hands with the guy. He said that's a testament to Imus because he's said some shitty things about him. The caller asked if he really hates Jay. Howard said hate is too much. He said that he didn't like the way Jay conducted business. He said Jay did the same thing to him that someone did to Jay. He said he was happy for Stuttering John getting a job there but he thinks that Jay could have given him the courtesy of saying he wanted to hire one of his guys. He said it wasn't the worst thing in the world to him but Jay was callus and cold about the whole thing. Howard said Jay tried to call him after the whole thing went down. He said Jay kept saying they were friends and Howard said he told Jay they're not friends. Howard said he didn't accept his apology because he felt he was disrespected. Howard said Jay just turned him off as a person. He said it wasn't some major thing.
The caller asked if he thinks Jimmy Kimmel gets on jay because of that. Howard said he thinks that the Conan thing go to Jimmy. The caller said Conan got a 50 million pay out. Howard said it's not about that. The caller said he thinks that if Howard was still friends with Jay Jimmy wouldn't say a word about him. Howard said he never thinks about that. The caller was the guy who bet Howard a million bucks that he wouldn't get a raise on AGT. Howard said he did get a raise and hung up on the guy telling him to get the fuck off his phone.
Another caller said it's great that they can spend that much time with a guy like Roger Daltrey without a break. He said he couldn't get out of his car. He said he had to listen. He said it was just crazy. He loved Jimmy Kimmel on the show too.
Howard asked where Robin is. Robin said she turns off her microphone to rip paper sometimes and she forgets to turn it on. She asked how Molly made out after being on the show. Howard said she loved it. Howard said Jimmy says that he may have lost Molly to JD. Howard said a lot of people are taken with JD. Robin said he's a mystery.
Howard took a call from a guy who said hearing Roger today and ZZ Top yesterday was great. He said he's trying to get his kids into that music. He asked if they have a super hits or box set for The Who. Fred said they do. He said he's not sure what it's called. He told the guy to look for something that's remastered. Fred said he'd have to look for the right thing to get.
Howard said everyone loves to meet JD. He said he's like a fat, nerdy Jesus. Howard asked if that's a good description. Robin said that he may have been a better orator. Howard said maybe he was.
Robin started her news with news about Angelina Jolie's double mastectomy and how that has gotten a lot of attention. Howard said this would make a great movie. Howard said Brad Pitt has to remain with her for at least another 9 years. Robin said she's not sure how long that will be but he does have to stay. Robin said he may be in it for life. Howard said that there is no way he can walk away now. He said he left Jennifer Aniston but you can't leave a woman who had a double mastectomy.
Howard said Peter Dinklage is threatening to leave Game of Thrones. Robin said someone had better get a double mastectomy over there.
Robin read about how the Susan B Komen cancer charity is coming out in favor of Angelina Jolie's double mastectomy. Howard said Andrea Peyser used to hate Angelina Jolie but she's saying that this was a very brave thing to do. Howard said that she's now saying that she's her super hero.
Howard said that he was looking at a picture of a doctor in the paper today and she's super hot. Howard said she's a surgeon in Hollywood. Howard ended up pretending to masturbate to her image. Howard was shaking his cheek to make the sound like he was jerking off. Howard had audio of her talking about Angelina Jolie too. Howard kept making the jerking off sound. Robin read about Wanda Sykes going on The Tonight show to talk about Angelina Jolie. She had some audio of that interview.
Howard read about the roller coaster that ended up in the ocean during Hurricane Sandy and how they're removing it next week. Howard said they're going to hurry up and get that out so the needles and other medical waste can keep washing up on shore. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read about Prince Harry who is here in the States touring. Robin said he was in New Jersey looking at the damage from Hurricane Sandy. Robin had some audio of a little girl who was happy to see him there.
Howard took a call from a woman who said Howard keeps her laughing and it saved her life. She said that she's on the road a lot and she has twins that are a year old so she don't get much sleep. Howard said it's great that she doesn't get any sleep and she's driving a lot.
Robin read about the woman in Bangladesh who was trapped for 17 days in a collapsed building. Robin said that she did have food and water. Robin had some audio of her talking about her experience. There was an interpreter with her. Robin said she was drinking rain water and taking food from the back packs of dead workers.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they've ever had so many A-list guests in one week. Howard said he's not sure. He said not to worry because they'll fuck it up in the coming weeks. Howard said in 2004 they had Jesus, George Bush and Dr. Funk (the hot doctor) in one week. The caller said he used to listen to Howard on WBCN up in Boston. Howard said that station used to kick ass up there. He said that things will never be the same. He said he's not sure if he'd go into radio if he was a kid today. He said he'd have to bring his art somewhere else. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read about a guy who was going to dribble a soccer ball to Brazil has died after being struck by a vehicle while doing it. Robin said he was 42 years old. Robin said he was going to go from Seattle to Brazil. Robin said he was walking along a road when he was hit by a car. Robin said he was walking to the World Cup and not for a good reason.
Robin read that Ariel Castro is going to be in court today to plead not guilty for kidnapping. Robin said that they're saying that he's being accused unjustly. Robin said his attorney is saying he's not the monster he's being portrayed as in the media. Howard said he'd call him the worst monster that ever lived. Robin said she loves attorneys that have to come up with stuff like this. She said they have to come up with a line to defend that guy. Howard said he'd say that he didn't kill anyone and he gave them a roof over their head. He said he never slept around either. Howard was making up all kinds of excuses for the guy as if he was an attorney for the guy.
Robin asked Howard if he saw Game of Thrones this week. Howard said he did. Robin said that they're torturing that guy on the show and he's incredible with the torture he's doing. Howard said he's not sure who that guy is. Robin said we don't know who he is yet. Howard said at least two chicks were getting it on this week. He said that red head who is banging that John Snow kid is annoying. Gary said she is. Howard said someone has to kill her in that story. Gary said that the girl with the big eyes who is going to marry someone is Charlie Chaplain's granddaughter. Howard didn't seem to care.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he could go back in time that he could warn one guy he was about to die would it be John Kennedy, John Lennon, Martin Luther King, Sam Kinison or Michael Jackson. Howard said he'd save John Lennon. Robin said she thinks she'd save Martin Luther King. Howard said he would love to have him saved too. He said that he'd like to see his face when they tell him that they have a black president. Benjy asked if he would give up an arm to save John Lennon but no one would know. Howard said no. Howard said he needs his arm and hands to type. Howard had to shut off Benjy's microphone when he started rambling.
Robin said Sylvia Brown has issued a statement about her abilities and how she's never 100 percent right. Robin said that she's grateful and relieved for being wrong about a story she told a woman on the Montel Williams show in 2004. Howard said she should say that she's never right because she's a big, fucking fake. Howard said that the government forced the WWE to tell people that they're fake and only for entertainment. Howard said they should have to do that for psychics. Howard said they need to come out with that. Howard said they can't say that they're real. Howard said they're duping retarded people. Robin said they do say that at times. Howard said people will still do it, just look at the WWE. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Anthony Weiner entering the race for Mayor of New York. Robin said that could be an interesting campaign. Robin said he's expected to enter the race next week. Robin said that Governor Christie is running for office too. Howard said he's going to win. Robin said she's not sure about that. She said that he was blamed for Mitt Romney's downfall. Howard said Mitt Romney was done in by no one but Mitt Romney.
The guys had to find a bottle opener. They found that and opened the bottle. Richard was laying on the floor with his asshole open. Will freaked out when he saw it open up. Will said it's bad. He said he just gaped. Richard said he thinks he showered yesterday. He told JD to get close to his ass.
The guys got some beer in Richard's ass and he told them to let him ''swallow'' it. Robin said he's such a disgusting human being. Richard told JD to pour the whole bottle in there. Richard was laughing and saying it tickles. Robin said he's really drinking it in. Richard said it was going down. Richard said he's feeling a little buzzed. Robin said that's from standing on his head. Howard told the guys to put some salty crackers in here.
Richard asked for more. They were pouring more and more beer in his ass. Howard told him to close his legs. Howard said they say you can get drunk from that pretty quickly. Howard said Richard is used to having 50 beers though. Richard pulled his pants up without wiping. He was dripping beer.
Robin said this is a head start on his evening. Howard asked Richard if he'd come on AGT and do that. Richard said he'd love to. Howard told the kids at home not to try this. Robin said he can't drive now. Richard said he doesn't drive, don't worry. He said he does feel pretty buzzed. Howard said they do say that it's absorbed into the system pretty quickly. Robin said that it is a delivery system so it can get into the system pretty quickly.
Howard TV replayed the clip of Richard drinking. Richard said it looks like a hole on the beach when the water comes and sinks in. Howard was laughing and said that he could die from that. He told him to be careful. Richard said he's fine. Robin said she never thought that would be possible. Howard told him not to go to the Long Island Medium because his grandmother will hate that. Richard said he's sure she's up in heaven with her eyes closed.
Howard said he could pour coffee in his ass if he wants to get sober. Richard said he can fart into a breathalyzer. He said he feels pretty good right now. Howard asked how they got into that. Robin said she didn't even know.
Howard took a call from CWB who said that he's dying over there hearing that Richard Christy thing. He was still laughing. Howard said he hopes he has Howard TV so he can see it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they should look at a story from the University of Tennessee because someone died doing that. Howard said Richard only took like 3 sips of beer. Howard said if you take a funnel and do that you will die. He said it doesn't take that much. Howard said it's not a good idea to do it. Robin said if you're going to do it then just do it. She said it sounds like a good way to go. Howard said Richard is their Keith Moon. He said he's nuts.
Howard said that Ralph wants people to know that Geektime is back on Friday. Ralph was on the phone and said that Zoe Saldana will be on the show. He said he's doing the interview tomorrow and it will air on Friday. Howard said that chick is hot. He said that he'd like to do a movie where the fans get to pick out her outfits.
Ralph said he has the guy who plays Arrow coming in to co-host with him on Friday. Howard did his effeminate voice and talked about what he would ask that guy.
Howard gave Ralph an F, Marry, Kill game. He gave him Cumberbatch, Arrow or the guy from Friday Night Lights, Riggens. Ralph said he'd fuck Riggens, kill Cubmerbatch and marry Arrow. Howard said that was the gayest thing Ralph has ever done. Howard said he would marry Riggens himself. Howard gave Ralph Bradley Cooper, Brad Pitt or Brad Garrett. Ralph said he'd marry Brad Garrett. Howard cut him off before he could finish his thoughts. Howard went into his gay Ralph voice again and did his interview with Arrow for a few seconds.
Robin read about how they're thinking of lowering the drunk driving level to .05 from .08. Howard said that he never drinks and drives. Robin said that you can't drink anything if that's the level. Robin said they say .08 is like a beer and a half. Robin said maybe you can't even get down one beer with .05. Robin had audio of a woman talking about how it's a step in the right direction.
Robin read about a guy who was arrested on a plane for having a pressure cooker in his bag and an altered passport. Robin said that he claims he had no idea that the pressure cooker was linked to the Boston bombings. Robin had some audio of an official talking about that.
Robin read about Boston Marathon victims and survivors going home now. Robin said yesterday a woman was escorted to her home. Robin said she lost part of her right leg in the attack. Howard asked if she was a runner or someone in the crowd. Robin said they don't say. Robin had audio of the man who put a tourniquet on her leg talking about what had happened.
Robin said she saw a story about the woman who was on the cover of a lot of papers and noticed for being so hot. She broke two legs in the attack. She's back to walking now.
Robin asked Howard how you get good credit. Howard said you pay your bills on time. Robin said he's right. Howard said that might be the first question he ever got right. Robin said that a lot of people have a misconception about credit scores. Robin had audio of a guy from a company that does polls saying that people are unaware of how it works. Robin said it all has to do with how you pay your bills. Robin said the best thing to do is pay your bills on time.
Howard said Robin is a financial genius now. She took some classes. Robin said she's not a genius. She's just trying to learn how the system works so she doesn't end up like Lauren Hill.
Robin said the new Star Trek Into Darkness is coming out. Robin said Chris Pine plays Captain Kirk in the film. She had some audio of him talking about the movie. Howard said he loved the movie but this clip is ridiculous. Howard said there is no message in the film like Pines was saying there was. Robin said that Zoe Saldana talked about the movie too. Howard said she's hot but she's boring. Robin said this is without a script. Howard said she's got a monotone. Howard said he knows why Bradley Cooper had to leave. Howard did an impression of her monotone for a few seconds.
Howard went into his Bill Clinton impression and talked about the good old days in the president's office. Howard, as Bill, was talking about Richard's beer drinking through his asshole and how he'd do that too. Howard said he'd put an iPhone in his ass and swallow it. They wrapped up and ended the show after that. They finished up around 10:35am.
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Jon asked JD if he's still in touch with Molly. JD said that he hasn't been in touch since the Twitter thing. Jason said JD has her security tag from that day hanging up in his office. JD said Gary gave it to him so what is he supposed to do with it?
Jon mentioned that Richard was in so he asked him about his beer drinking. He asked why JD was the one who poured it in. Richard said JD was the one who found the beer and came back to get him. He said that he wished Sal had done it so they'd be buzzed together. Sal said he saw Richard go in and JD Follow him in. He said he saw the whole thing. He said he would have ass fucked him with that bottle if he had gone in there.
Jason said that Richard has a huge asshole. Richard said all he did was open and close his asshole. Jon asked if Rob was impressed. Rob said that he was watching in the green room and trying not to throw up. He said you never really understand until you see it.
Jon said it looked like Will was going to lose it. Richard said he did poop earlier so he may not have smelled that good. He said he wipes really well so maybe that's why his asshole looked so big.
Jason said that Will was on his hands and knees so he was very close. Sal said Will was holding his ankles so it was almost like a rape.
Jon said they were commenting on how wide his asshole was. He asked if he's ever done this before. Richard said he hasn't. He said one time Benjy put a straw in his asshole and blew air into it. Benjy asked if they were surprised Howard was okay with it. Gary said he wasn't sure that he was going to be okay with it but he waved them on to do it. Benjy said there was some beauty to it when he sucked it in. Richard said it was pretty cool. He said he was excited.
Gary said Rob and his publicist were in the green room and the publicist took out her phone to take a picture of the screen. He said that no one would believe it if she told the story.
Gary said that Richard and Sal haven't been in the studio for ages to do stuff like this. Richard said it just happens organically. He said he wanted to do it so he did. He said he loves that kind of stuff. Gary said he used to read Playboy where they had weird stories. He said he read about a guy who had taken a quart of vodka up there and he passed the breathalyzer test.
Jon asked Sal how he's feeling. He said he knows Sal went to that psychic rap about the grandmother thing. Sal said that the big eye in the sky is always there so your dead family can see everything. Gary said Sal said that he didn't want his grandmother to know things about him but now he thinks that he's saying that he doesn't want her telling people things she knows. Sal said he tries to shelter his kids from the show and the things he does. He said that he'd rather not go to a Medium and have her telling his grandmother telling her things like how he's done these things on the show. Sal said he doesn't want his grandmother coming forward and saying it and he doesn't want the medium hearing it.
Gary said that this stuff isn't a secret. Sal said that's true but it's like going to your doctor and it's a serious thing. Sal said he'd be embarrassed by the whole thing. He said that's his fear. Gary asked if he really believes that his dead relatives can see everything you do. Sal said he does. Jon asked where he thinks he's going when he dies. Sal said he thinks that they have all different levels of heaven and what you've done on earth will decide where you go. Gary asked Sal how he's going to explain this stuff to his grandmother when he dies. Sal said it will be different up there. Richard said she's probably watching Oprah up there and not Howard TV. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon asked Rob about Howard bringing up his mom. Rob said he didn't know that was going to come up. He said he was surprised but also relieved. He said he could talk about that forever. He said his sister is gay too and she came out of the closet about 10 years later. Rob said they were shocked each time. He said they were complete shocks.
Jon asked Rob about what he said about making small talk in Hollywood and how it's either weather, sports or Howard Stern. Rob said that there are so many fans out there. He said he goes to so many meetings and other people will bring it up at the meetings. He said they know he's a fan so it comes up. Rob said that his mother-in-law hates Howard. He said he asked her if she ever listened and she said she's never listened and she never will.
Jon asked if he expected to hear Benjy say what he said today. Rob said he didn't quite expect what he got but he didn't expect a cordial discussion. He said he thought it was kind of a perfect opportunity for Benjy to prove him wrong. Benjy said he's so gracious to create that opportunity for him.
Rob said he would have at least thought for 30 seconds about what he said. He said Benjy doesn't believe what he says. He said Benjy is just convincing people more that he shouldn't be hired. Benjy said he was just speaking his mind. Benjy said he's critiquing his sense of humor. Rob said he was not. Rob said Benjy saying that he was boring made him think. He said he felt good about it though. Benjy said he feels good about himself too. Benjy said they should sit down together sometime and pour a beer down each other's ass.
Benjy said Rob was attacking him in the notes and he didn't think that was fair. Benjy said he had a lot of great jokes during the news today. He said that Rob says that he sucks. He said if he says he sucks then he's saying the show sucks. Rob asked if he's in the vortex now. Gary told him to go ahead.
Rob said what he said was that he likes his jokes on the show, he guesses because Howard is funny, but he doesn't like this persona on the show. He said he does appreciate it though. He said he can't even describe what he is. Benjy said that hatred comes from things you can't understand.
Jon said he thinks that Rob isn't talking about his ability and what he does on the show. he's talking about his professionalism and how Howard has addressed it in the past. Benjy said he has corrected that. He said he has no disagreement with that. Benjy said he thinks he's good at what he does. Rob said he doesn't question his joke writing ability. He said he likes to have people he can trust working with him. He said he can't trust Benjy. He said that he doesn't think Benjy is very honest.
Benjy asked where he's not being honest. Rob said he just doesn't believe anything he says. He said he's not sure if he's doing a bit. Benjy asked if he's doing a bit now. Rob said he's not sure.
Gary said that the strangest part to him is that Benjy and Rob had some words off air during the break. He said they're going to have a writer's meeting tomorrow and Rob is going to be a special guest for that. He said he's afraid it's going to be uncomfortable. He told Rob not to be uncomfortable though. They had to go to break after that.
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Jason said he's put off by Benjy taking credit for what Howard Stern says. Jason said that he's just one writer on the show and there are many. Jason said that Benjy does not write every joke for the show and it's not even close. Jason said that they're interviewing people in the back right now for his job. Jason said that he's barely got a job. He said he's taking full credit for writing the show by saying that if you like Howard Stern then you must like Benjy. Benjy said he's not saying that.
Benjy said that he wants to take the last 20 minutes of the show and figure out who wrote the jokes. Jason said that Fred would like to hear this. He said that Benjy is saying that he wrote the majority of jokes for the show for the past 12 years.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they're stuck in the vortex. He said Rob and the super fans don't like when Benjy talks. He said that his writing may be amazing but they don't like his character. He said he should stay quiet. Gary said that was explained very well. Benjy said he's taking that in. He said he appreciates that rob has dedicated his life to comedy like he has. Jason said that Rob shouldn't worry about this too much since tomorrow Benjy will probably show up 10 minutes late. Gary said he felt odd because things were so tense in there. Rob didn't even want to plug anything. They had to end the show a short time later. They were finished at 11:15am.
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Comedian Bernie Mac Comes In. 5/16/03. 9:00am
Howard said Bernie Mac was out in the hall flirting with Jenna Jameson. He brought him in and said his show has been doing very well on FOX. It's going into to be going into it's third season. Howard said Bernie has lost some weight now that he's a big star. He said he doesn't even look like Bernie anymore. He was wearing some unusual ''Indian'' like clothing so Howard asked him about that. Bernie told Howard he's got a friend who hooked him up. Bernie also told Howard that he lost the weight because he's doing a baseball movie.
Howard heard that he was flirting with his girlfriend last night at some event she was interviewing him at. Bernie said he doesn't remember doing that though. Howard and Bernie talked about masturbation a little bit after that. Bernie said he doesn't really find that interesting to ''choke the chicken'' or ''stroke one off.'' He said he doesn't find that interesting to him and he's never done it. He said strip clubs don't turn him on either. He said he can't just have a woman standing there dancing in front of him like that. Bernie swore that he's never ''choked the chicken'' in his life. He said he doesn't lie about stuff like that and he was telling the truth about it. He said he's up close and personal with his women.
Howard spoke to Bernie about his book ''Maybe You Never Cry Again'' which just came out recently. Howard said he read a section of the book about Bernie meeting his father for the first time when he was about 8 years old. He said his father showed up really late the day he was supposed to be there. Bernie said his mother wanted him to take off the suit and stuff he was wearing to impress his father. When he finally showed up his father told him he bought this car for him and he didn't have any money left to buy gas for the car. He asked if he had any money in the house so he could buy some gas. Bernie broke open his piggy bank and gave his father about $40. He said his mother came home shortly after that and the two of them went at it. Bernie said he saw his father swing at his mother so he tried to stop them. He said his father took a swing at him as well when he tried to break them up. Bernie said that was the first time he ever saw how abusive his father was. He said he turned that experience into a positive thing after that. He said his mother was the strong one in his life and he learned a lot from her. Howard talked to Bernie about working with Judith Regan. Howard worked with her on his book so he shared some stories with Bernie about that.
Howard heard that Bernie broke down and cried on the TV show ''The Pulse'' so he asked him about that. Bernie said they kept pushing him about his mother for three hours and he just got upset thinking about how much he missed her. He said she passed away when he was only 15 years old. Howard said Bernie writes about seeing his mother naked when he was a young kid and knew there was something wrong with his mother when he saw the scar on her chest. He said her right side breast was gone and he knew something was wrong. He asked his grandmother what was going on with his mom. She told him to go ask his mama what was wrong but she refused to talk about it because she didn't want him to know. He said she wrote a 10 page letter to his aunt before she died and in the letter, she says that there's no reason to worry about Bernie because he will surpass everyone.
Howard asked Bernie if he ever saw his mother nude from the waist down. Bernie said he never saw that. Howard told Bernie about how he saw his mother's bush. He said he asked his mama what was wrong with her down there. Howard said Bernie is strong about that stuff and he was able to make people laugh even at funerals. Bernie said if you can go up on stage and not be afraid to fail, then you've got it made. He said you have no one else to blame when you're on stage if you do fail. Howard brought up the phone call they had earlier in the show from the guy who saw Dave Chappelle getting pissed with a heckler. Bernie said he can go all day on a heckler so if someone comes after him, he's going to go off on them. The only people who hear the heckler are the people in his general area anyway. The whole crowd doesn't hear them. Bernie said that's why he does big comedy shows in auditoriums and stuff because small clubs are too intimate.
Howard brought up how Bernie is in the new ''Charlie's Angels'' movie. He plays Bosley in this one because Bill Murray couldn't do it again. Bernie said that they do explain the new Bosley in the movie and it works. Bernie said he got along just fine with the women in the movie. Howard found that hard to believe but Bernie said they were all nice to him.
Howard gave Bernie another plug for his book and for ''The Bernie Mac Show'' which airs Wednesday nights at 9pm on FOX. Howard and Bernie complimented each other a little bit and then Bernie said some nice things about Robin. Howard said Bernie didn't look at him once during the interview, he kept looking at Robin. Howard was asking the questions and Bernie was answering to Robin.
Howard said he heard that he once said that he wouldn't do the Jimmy Kimmel show because it's beneath him. Bernie said he never said that and if he had, he'd admit it. Howard and Bernie had a little fun talking about Robin as Howard was wrapping up the interview. Howard mentioned her anal sex experience and told Bernie to ''use a couple of fingers on her'' as he was saying goodbye to her. He went to break a short time later.
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The New And Improved Jeff The Drunk? 5/16/03. 7:15am
Howard came back from break and said he was watching a tape Yucko the Clown (DamnShow.com) sent him. He said it was horribly weird. He has sex with a watermelon and then goes out and gives away free watermelon to black people. Howard played some of the video for Robin so she could see it for herself. All you could hear was Yucko going nuts on the melon as he banged it. Then you hear him giving away the melon to people asking them how it tastes.
Howard moved on to talk about Jeff the Drunk and how great Artie's impression of him is. Artie did a little bit of that and then Howard talked about how they didn't bring Jeff out to Vegas with them because he's such a pain in the ass. Howard said Jeff is coming in today to announce that he's not going to be annoying anymore. It turns out Jeff heard that Jenna Jameson was coming in and asked if he could take a picture with her. Jeff then asked KC if he had a camera for him because he doesn't have a lot of money to buy one for himself. He's already being a pain in the ass as he always has. KC said Jeff already called him a ''bitch'' this morning out in the hallway too. Howard played ''You Were Always on my Mind'' that Jeff performed a while back. Jeff said he wasn't doing anything wrong this morning and really was going to change his ways. Howard asked Jeff if he learned his lesson after they didn't take him out to Vegas. Jeff said he did learn his lesson but Howard pointed out that he's bugging them for a camera and stuff even though he says he's not bugging them. Jeff complained about losing his driver's license and how he can't get a job because of that. Howard said that's not anyone's fault but his own. Jeff is supposed to be on his best behavior there at the station but Gary came in and said he was doing something there at the station he wasn't supposed to be doing. He apparently smoked some weed and Gary was going to get in trouble for that.
Howard talked to Jeff about how he cried one day when he found out he wasn't going to Vegas with them. Jeff said he was upset he couldn't go with them. Howard also spoke to him about his driver's license being taken away from him. He lost his license and then drove home from court. He got four more tickets that day. He said he was going to take his car home and park it but he was stoned when he got pulled over. Jeff said he has a job stamping hands at a pool now but he sits home during the winter when the pool is closed. Howard wondered how he got that job. Jeff said he has some connections. Howard wondered why someone would need their hand stamped at a pool. He also wondered what they pay someone to do that. Jeff said he wishes he was making $7 an hour. Jeff said he's pretty sure it's $6.20 an hour. He also said he wishes it was more because he's been there for 7 years now. Howard said ''You're stamping hands, it's probably not going to go up.'' They told him that the job is supposed to be for a kid who's out of school for the school year. Howard said he's amazed they even let Jeff around kids at all. Jeff told Howard a story about this black kid who called him ''Whitey'' one time when he pointed out he hadn't paid to get in. Jeff said he responded with a ''Hey, what the hell is that all about?'' Jeff had a few other stories to tell in his drunken state. The story he told didn't make any sense and it was pointless. Robin wondered how old Jeff's boss is since he works at a pool. He didn't give an answer though. Howard and the guys asked him a bunch of other questions about his job and what goes on there. Jeff said the pool usually opens around Memorial Day. He works 5 days a week and has to work on weekends and 3 days during the week.
KC said that Jeff is on welfare so they asked him a couple of questions about that. He somehow finds money to buy beer, cigarettes and weed with. He said those are the things he ''needs.'' KC told him if he didn't drink for one day, he'd be able to buy a disposable camera to take a picture of Jenna Jameson with. Jeff told him his logic is really dumb.
Howard asked Jeff more about the hand stamping thing. Jeff said all he does is stamp hands, he doesn't collect cash or anything like that. Jeff said they wouldn't even let him take home the ink pad and smiley face stamp that he uses.
Howard said Jeff is now being managed by Sean who managed Beetlejuice. He'll be available for appearances through him. Jeff said his other manager sucked and didn't get him more than 3 gigs in 6 months. Jeff said he'd like at least two gigs a month. Howard wondered what he does that would make him worth booking. Jeff basically said he hangs out. He says he's a very friendly person. Howard asked what Jeff did last night when he got into town. He said he met some chick but couldn't remember her name. Artie said, in Jeff's voice, ''I call her 'dead chick in the trunk.'' He eventually remembered her name and it was Jessica Alba. Jeff said he recognized her and asked her if there was anything she wanted him to tell Howard. Jeff said her boyfriend told him to tell Howard he ''...left the key at the front desk but he never came to get it.'' Howard didn't get that and neither did Jeff. He didn't bother asking him what he meant though. Howard said that Jeff can be booked for gigs through JollyDwarf.com. Robin said people could hire him to stamp hands at parties. Howard thought that would be funny but Jeff didn't seem to find it amusing. KC came in a few seconds later with tape of Jeff leaving a message for them about how pissed he was about the way he was treated. Artie did his impression after hearing the tape. Howard said he had to hear it again after Artie goofed on it. Jeff was extremely pissed that day but the message was pretty funny. Howard told Jeff that he can't take a picture with Jenna Jameson today either. He then started to wrap up the segment but Jeff was upset because Howard wouldn't let him perform a song. He told him if he behaves himself from now on, he may be invited to go to Las Vegas the next time they go... if they go again. Howard thanked him for coming in and let him leave.
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And Finally... John Stamos And Don Rickles Pop In. 05/16/07. 9:55am
Robin started her news but she had to get out of there early to go to a college graduation so she had to rush through it. They spent a little time talking about Jerry Fallwell's death and playing audio clips where he talked about how evil the homosexuals were. Howard called him a cocksucker and some other things while playing the clips during the news.
John Stamos stopped in late in the show. He heard that John had brought a friend with him but no one came into the studio with him. John said he just stopped in to say hi to Howard and the guys. Gary said that he's not a homo but he noticed that John hasn't hit the wall yet. John asked Robin if she's really single now and said that maybe they should ''do it'' for the show. Howard said that John is so hot that it might be like two chicks having sex.
A few seconds later Don Rickles came walking into the studio, that was the friend that John had brought with him today. Artie sounded thrilled to see him when he came in. Howard told Mr. Rickles that he was reading his book (''Rickles' Book: A Memoir'') and loved it. Then he asked him if he felt he was at a low when he did the ''Dirty Work'' movie with Artie. Don said that it was actually doing this show that was his low point.
Rickles told Howard that they actually met one time years ago at a convention. He said that he's been afraid to come on the show because of the stuff Howard talks about but his friend John there had convinced him to come in. Howard said he found it hard to believe that he was friends with John Stamos. Don said that John is still getting broads and at 81 he can't get that. He said that John doesn't tell him about his sex life but he doesn't need to hear that, he had his chances when he was younger.
Howard said that in his book, Don talks about how he was a loser with women in his life. He spent a minute talking about that and then Howard brought up the scene he did with Artie in ''Dirty Work'' and how great that was. Artie said he told that story on Howard's show and on Letterman and it's just a great story. Artie was telling him all of that and Rickles response was ''why are you yelling?'' Artie said he was just nervous talking to him.
Artie said that in ''Dirty Work'' Don forgot that Norm was playing a character and was insulting Norm MacDonald as if he were Norm. That led to the guys talking about Bob Saget who directed that movie. Howard thought Rickles must have been depressed when he had to work with the guy but Don had nothing but nice things to say about him.
Howard talked to Don about his friendship with Frank Sinatra. He talks about that stuff in his book and Howard told him that the stories were very good. He told some of the stories that Don tells in the book and had him finish one of the stories for him. Don told a story about how he was out with a woman one night at a restaurant and Frank Sinatra was there. He asked Frank to come over to say hello to impress the girl. When he came over a short time later Frank says hello to him and he stands up and says ''Not now Frank! Can't you see I'm with someone?'' and flipped out on him.
Howard said that Don is one of the biggest influences on his life and he loved watching him on the old shows like Merv Griffin and The Tonight Show. He said that he wanted to be just half as entertaining as him so that's why he tries so hard when he goes on those shows.
Robin had to get going in the middle of the conversation. She had to run off to the graduation she was going to. Howard heard that Don had gone out to dinner with David Letterman a couple of times. Don told a couple of stories about those dinners. Howard also asked him about Johnny Carson and the way he treated comedians on his show. Don said he was never treated poorly so he wouldn't know what that was like. don said that they never went to the notes that Johnny had on his desk. They'd just improv on the spot and riff off each other.
Howard also asked Don if there's anyone in show business who he doesn't like. Don said ''You!'' but said he was just kidding. He didn't want to say the names of anyone who he doesn't like. Howard said it was an honor to have Mr. Rickles there and thanked him for coming in. He said that the book is great too. He talked to him about that and said that the book comes across in his voice which is what Rickles was going for when he wrote it.
Gary came in and said that Mr. Rickles had to leave. He was tired from all of the appearances he's made lately. He was also telling Howard he met his ex-wife and she was a very nice woman. John said that Don was just on Regis with his ex-wife Rebecca Romijn earlier. He's hanging with all of the ex's. Don said he'd like to come in and hang out on the show just like he did today. Howard told him he'd love to have him in to just talk about the news or something next time he's in town. Howard gave Don a plug for his book ''Rickles' Book: A Memoir'' and Gary gave him a plug for some gigs he's doing at the Golden Nugget in Las Vegas later this month. Don said he'll be back in Atlantic City this October so Howard should come out and see him there. Howard spent a couple more minutes with Don and then let him go. Howard decided to end the show since Robin had left. He wanted to take some pictures with Rickles so he had Fred play some clips while he took the pictures. He played the clip from ''Dirty Work'' where he was goofing on Artie calling him a Baby Gorilla and talking to the food in his belly.
Howard came back and said that he loved that Rickles had come in and thanked John for dragging him in there. John said that Don will come back sometime. He just doesn't get up early in the morning to hear the show. Howard said he's heard that Don was nervous about him but he loves the guy and he'd love to go to dinner with him. Artie said that it was great that they did a roast and they had the guy who is the best at doing that stuff come in after that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that her family loved that guy and Don ripped her uncle a new asshole but then sent him a huge bottle of champagne. Howard let her go and then read through some commercials. He was in the middle of a Trojan condom commercial when he saw his old buddy Mark Cronin in Gary's office. He said he'd bring him in after the commercials.
When Howard was done he brought Mark in to say hello to him. He used to work on the old channel 9 TV show as a writer. Howard said that he had a cute girl with him too so he said hello to her. Howard asked him what he's got going on now. Mark is the producer for The Surreal Life, The Flavor of Love, That Girl New York, Charm School, Rock of Love with Brett Michaels and others. Howard talked to Mark about some of those shows and said it was good to see Mark. Howard said a quick hello to Mark's girl Peyton and then got back to John.
Howard talked to John Stamos about working on E.R. which seems to be going pretty well for him. John said things are going good. He said that he's back in touch with his ex-wife Rebecca and he's really happy for her that she's getting married again. He said he's over all of the bad feelings. Howard thanked him again for bringing Don Rickles in there today. Artie said it was a great, surreal ending to the day.
John said that he had Andy Dick over to his house a few weeks ago and he found Andy sucking on his finger at one point. He was also telling Howard he listens to the show every day and the day that Sal had his balls licked by Richard, he just happened to tune into the replays at that moment throughout the day. He thought it was a great moment on the show. John said he'd actually put up $10,000 to have Sal put his penis in Richard's mouth. Sal came in and said that he'd lick John's balls if they gave them $1000 right then.
Richard came in so Howard told him what they were planning. He said that Sal would be putting his cock in his mouth but they weren't going for it. Howard said that maybe they could make a deal where they'd have Richard take Sal's cock in his mouth for 2 and a half minutes for $30,000. There was an offer to have Richard put his tongue in Sal's ass. Richard wasn't going for it. Richard said he would stick his dick in Sal's mouth for the thirty grand but that wasn't going to happen.
The guys spent a few more minutes talking about how great Don Rickles was when he came in. Howard gave John a plug for ''E.R.'' and showed John some of the pictures of Sal and Richard's ball licking thing. Howard said that's the most downloaded Howard TV show right now. Sal was asking John to pull out one of his balls for them but John wasn't going to do that. Howard ended up talking about the hair on his balls and how the hair is actually longer than his penis. That led to John saying that they could play this game called ''Bag or Shaft'' where they pull out a piece of skin from their crotch area and someone has to guess what it is. That led to Sal pulling out some skin and then running over to John and pretending to fuck him in the ass. Howard had to tell Sal to get away from him. He wrapped up with John a short time later and ended the show around 10:55am.
Creepy Stories From Richard Christy. 05/16/06. 10:50am
Howard said that he heard that Sal the stockbroker was saying that he would rather have sex with Blue Iris over Penny Crone. Howard said he thinks that he's just trying to get some air time. He also heard that Richard Christy just recently admitted that he had gotten hog tied by a friend of his one time. He said that his friend would chase him with his lasso and then he'd catch him and throw him down. He came in and told the guys about how that all went about and his friend would leave him tied up for a couple of minutes at a time.
There was also a story about a friend of Richard's who used to beat off next to him in the same room. Richard said he once went and took a bath and the friend came in and pretended to cum in the bathtub but ended up going in the toilet. Howard told Richard that if a guy can get a full erection in front of another dude like that, and finish, he's gay. Richard said that guy actually taught him how to whack off. He used to have parties where he and his friends would all whack off.
Howard thought that someone teaching him how to masturbate was pretty weird. Richard said the guy was more mature than he was but they were the same age. He described the scene at the masturbation parties and how he was never able to get off in front of a bunch of guys. He said he could only get off in front of the one friend.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Richard that was some gay stuff he was doing. Richard said that he remembers one time that he and his friend whacked off together in a tent but they were talking about hot chicks that they knew in school. Howard remembers a friend of his who wanted to jerk him off one time but he didn't want to do it so it didn't happen. Artie asked Richard if he has ever jerked a guy off with his lips. Richard just laughed.
Will came in and told Howard that Richard used to jerk off in a toy box. Richard told that story and said that he didn't have a lock on his door so he used to crawl into a toy box that was about 4x4. He would leave it in there so the wood was all stained and stuff. His mother actually caught him in there one time but she thought he was doing drugs or something like that.
Richard told another story about his friend who stayed home from school to jerk off. While he was jerking off with his eyes closed, his mother walked in and put a cup of tea on his dresser for him. They still haven't talked about that day as far as Richard knows.
Tommy Lee Comes In. 5/16/02. 8:30am
Drummer Tommy Lee came in this morning to promote his new enhanced CD ''Never a Dull Moment'' which is out next week.
Howard asked Tommy if he heard everything that just went on. He also asked him if he'd fight Kid Rock since he's engaged to his ex Pamela Anderson. Tommy said he loves Kid Rock and he wouldn't fight him.
Howard spoke to Tommy about who he's dating now and about Pam's claims that he gave her hepatitis C. Tommy also spoke to Howard about the law suit that's been filed against him by the parents of this kid who died in his pool a couple of years ago. He said all of the kids at the party were supposed to have been taken care of but this one kid wasn't watched close enough. Now Tommy is getting blamed for someone else's carelessness.
Howard asked Tommy about the Hepatitis C claims that Pam has made. She got it and claims that it came from sharing a tattoo needle with him. Tommy said he doesn't have Hepatitis C and even if he did, it's no one's business. He said he just wants all of that stuff to go away and he's not going to sue Pam over it. He is however, in a custody battle with Pam. He said he ants to get full custody of the kids or at least get equal custody. He said right now he only gets the kids every other weekend while she has them the rest of the time. Howard told Tommy he's going to have a tough time getting full custody because he's a guy. Plus he has a female judge. Artie said maybe he'll luck out and the judge will dislike Pam because she's so hot.
Howard took a bunch of phone calls for Tommy and let some people ask questions. Wendy the Retard called in and complimented Tommy's music. Howard then played a clip from Tommy's new album ''Never a Dull Moment.'' The single is called ''Hold Me Down.'' Tommy said he sings, plays guitar and drums on the album. Howard played most of the song before interrupting it. He said that MTV 2 and VH-1 are playing the video for ''Hold Me Down.''
Howard spent a few more minutes asking Tommy about all of the crazy stuff that goes on in his life before he wrapped up the interview. Tommy said he really doesn't enjoy all of the media coverage of his problems. Robin told Howard that Tommy once said that going to jail was actually good for him because he was able to relax and chill out for once.
Howard went through everything he learned about Tommy this morning and played a quick clip of Tommy's remake of David Bowie's ''Fame'' that sounded pretty cool. Howard then wrapped up the interview.
In the clip Howard was talking to Gary about his wife being pregnant. they were talking about the house Gary was going to buy and how rough things were going to be for Gary once that kid comes around. Howard said Gary has no pressure at work so he should be okay. He said that he can sleep in the jock lounge. He said he reads the paper in there. Jackie said sometimes the comics get stuck to his face.
Stuttering John said that Gary will freak out if someone takes his copy of Newsday. Gary said he pulls stories from that pretty often. Robin said he does. Howard said Gary is going to have to eat his baby to survive once he leaves radio.
Howard asked Gary if he's going to do Amniocentesis. Gary said they're not. Howard said he thinks with Gary's background he should. Gary said it's dangerous to do it. Howard said they didn't do it with the first two kids. He said it's worth doing it though. Robin asked Howard if he would still love his kids if they had that flat head. Howard said he didn't know about that. Howard said if Gary's kid is born with that silly grin and that flat head he's just going to think it looks like him.
Howard said everyone is going to make jokes about Gary behind his back if the kid is retarded. He said Jackie will be drawing pictures of him. He called the kid Baba Drooly.
Gary said that when people do have kids like that they say that's really what they wanted. He said they have to convince themselves that they did.
Howard and the guys were goofing on Gary and the retarded thing so Gary said that they're going to upset his wife. Howard said it'll be alright. Howard said he really should get the test done. He said that Gary's kid's head is going to be as hard as a coconut so he won't even feel the needle.
Howard asked Gary if he talks to his baby. Howard asked if he's put his teeth against the baby yet. Robin was doing her impression of Gary talking to the kid. Howard said the kid is going to chew his way out. Howard said he knows people who read to their kid in the belly like it's really going to help.
Gary said he gave his wife a CD of kid songs and she stuck her stomach against the player. He said she was just doing it as a goof though.
Gary said he has a friend who has a 4 month old baby and they've already signed her up for school. Howard said that the most annoying part of having a kid is interacting with the other parents. He said he can get out of it saying he's too famous. He said his daughter had a recital recently and he said he'd go but warned her what would happen. He said he had to sneak in when the recital started. He said a guy came right up to him and said he's glad that he came for his daughters sake. Howard said he hadn't seen the guy in 8 years. He said that his daughter gets to see him every day so he's not sure why showing up at that thing was a big deal.
Gary said Howard is really good at teaching his kids to be competitive. He said he teaches them to be normal kids and do what they do. Howard asked if he's saying that they're as lazy as him. Gary said that's not what he's saying. Howard asked if he's going to teach his kids to be as lazy as him. Gary said Howard teaches his kids not to worry so much about money and things like that. Howard said he's done a good job at keeping them level headed. Howard said Gary admires someone who is lethargic. Gary said that's not what he said. Robin was laughing during all of this so Gary said Robin's kids are going nowhere because she's never having any.
Howard asked Gary about the Amniocentesis thing again. He said Gary's wife is 33 so she should get it done. Howard told him to trust him on this. He said it's better he kills it with that than having a retarded baby. Howard said he's just giving him advice. Howard said he can make another one after that.
Howard said Gary never takes advice from him. He said he recommended a dentist and he didn't listen to him about that either. Gary said he's going to take his children to his own dentist. He said that he hopes his kids end up with his wife's teeth. He said that having a kid with his teeth would be just as bad as having a retarded kid.
Howard asked Gary if he would have the kid if they did find out it was retarded. Gary said he's not sure. He hasn't discussed it. Howard said maybe they could switch kids at the hospital. Howard said he could grab a Mexican and no one would notice. Gary said he only has 6 and a half more months of jokes to go.
John asked Howard if he would have a kid if it was retarded. Howard said no one would. Howard said it's so tough for a kid to grow up like that. Robin said Howard would probably abort based on sex alone. Howard said that's not true. Howard said he was born ugly and that was painful enough. Gary said he changed though. Howard said you don't change from retardation. He said that people get abortions when they do the Amniocentesis thing. He said that's why they do the test. They wrapped up a short time later.
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Fun With Crazy Alice. 05/16/06. 10:05am
After the break Howard accidentally hit the dump button so he cut off the Led Zepplin song he was playing. He sang along with the song and talked about how good the band was. Artie thought he was one of the greatest singers of his time. Howard said he came across as a bit of an asshole though.
Howard went on to play a new message from Crazy Alice who went off on Robin in her latest voice mail. Robin just laughed as Alice was going off on her. Howard played another message that wasn't making a lot of sense to him. He thought that she was pissed at him but he wasn't even sure about that. He played another one where she went off on Artie as well.
Howard and Artie did their impressions of Alice and had some fun with that. They also played the prank that Sal and Richard did where they called her and threatened to take away her subscription to SIRIUS. Artie did an impression of her in that call and recited some of her lines from that. Howard then played another prank call they made using clips of Alice cursing to call some guy who had no idea what was going on. Howard played yet another prank call that was made using clips of Alice. In that one they called a hair braiding place and had Alice yelling at the woman who answered the phone.
Artie wondered if they could get Alice in there to roast him or something. Howard said that she's kind of like the Incredible Hulk because you have to get her angry before she'll go off on someone. Howard had Robin start her news after the Crazy Alice stuff.
Crazy Alice Checks In. 05/16/06. 11:00am
Crazy Alice called in so Artie tried to get her all revved up by cursing her out. He wanted to get her to come in and roast him but she doesn't want to do that. She wasn't being all that mean according to Howard. She said that's because she has gotten some complaints from her neighbors before so she's been keeping quiet.
Gary asked her what it would take to get her in there for the Artie roast. Alice said that first of all she doesn't want to fly. Second, she lives in an area where she's afraid that her stuff would be stolen. She's in a bad community and one of her neighbors was just robbed recently.
Robin asked Alice why she doesn't move out of there and that started to get her pissed off. Alice said she's on low income and started yelling at her. She got a little louder for a short time. Gary asked Alice if she could hire someone to watch her stuff for her while she's away. She said that she's got a nice big screen TV and she doesn't even trust her neighbors to watch that stuff. She's been robbed in the past and doesn't want that to happen again.
Crazy Alice ended up yelling at Robin again but she was also laughing while she was doing it. Robin was laughing her ass off as Alice was yelling at her. Howard understood where Alice was coming from as far as not wanting to leave her stuff at home. Alice said it's almost like she's a prisoner in her own home. She's trying to get out of there and has a case worker trying to help her find another place.
Robin asked Alice what she does for a living but she was asking if they could hook her up with a job. Robin said that they could hook her up with a line so she could do a show from her house. They said that they could get her to do the roast from her apartment too. She ended up telling the guys that she actually likes Artie because he reminds her of John Belushi. She said that she'll come visit them sometime as soon as she gets out of that neighborhood. Howard let her go a short time later and had Robin get back to her news.
Howard and the guys were talking about how great Crazy Alice is on the phone. Howard said that they really should hook her up with a radio show. He told Tim Sabean to get right on that. Jeff the Drunk called back in once again and asked why they can't hook him up with a line like they were talking about doing with Alice. Howard told Jeff that maybe he should stop relating everything on the show to him. He told Jeff that she's got something that he doesn't have. Jeff didn't believe that was the case but Howard assured him it was. Howard said that Artie doing an impression of Alice is more entertaining than the real Jeff the Drunk is. Jeff asked Howard to please think about it as Howard was hanging up on him.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 9:05am.
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This week's Best of the Week was over around 11:00am.