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Howard started the show talking about Rob Zombie and the opening song for his show. Howard said that rob was way ahead with the whole zombie thing. Robin said they should find out what the next big thing is going to be. He said Rob would know if they asked him what the next big horror thing is going to be. He said Rob is into the old Frankenstein and stuff like that. Robin said there is a new Frankenstein coming out. Howard said he hopes it's in 3D. Robin said Aaron Eckhart is supposed to play the part. Howard said he's good looking. He said that won't work. Howard said he thinks that The Thing with Two Heads is more believable than that.
Howard said that he likes that Frankestein's monster had a flat head. He wondered where they got a flat head from. Howard said you could put a wine glass on there and walk around with it. Howard said now he's coming back as a good looking guy. Howard got a laugh out of that. Robin said that's not Frankenstein. Howard wondered if they're going to kill the little girl and all of that. Robin said she doesn't think so because he's supposed to be some sort of Avenger.
Howard said there are a lot of cool things to talk about today. He said he has a clip of a girl from Kentucky or somewhere like that. He said she's a high school runner and she's going to some big track meet she's been training for. He said they give her the number 666 and she refuses to run because it's the mark of the beast. Howard said the coach even backs her up on that. Howard said that he should have told her that it's just a fucking number. Howard played the clip and the girl explained how she didn't use the number because she didn't want to ruin her relationship with god over that. Howard said that poor girl. He said maybe we should eliminate the number 6 from our math.
Howard said Tan Mon is getting a divorce from her tan husband. Robin said he wasn't tan. Howard said Sal could be Tan dad if he got together with her. Howard played a clip of Tan Mom talking to a reporter about why she's divorcing. She said that her husband is harassing her and in her face all the time. She said it's a mental issue. Howard laughed when he heard that. Tan Mom was saying that people tell her husband to get a life and leave her alone. Howard said this is rational Tan Mom. Howard played another clip where they interviewed the husband and he said he just asks her what's going on and she gets upset if he keeps badgering her.
Howard said these clips were from a show called The Test. He was telling them that he had been to strip clubs and he had touched the women there. Tan Mom heard the news and yelled that he was disgusting. In the clip Tan Mom said he was disgusting and she was done with him. The husband said that he wasn't with anyone else. He just went to strip clubs. Howard said that's what happens when your husband goes to a strip club. JD told Howard that he did pass when he said that he didn't have sex with any other women. Howard said he's not sure what the guy is supposed to do. Tan Mom wasn't happy about all of that. She said she didn't want to be with him anymore. She told him this was the end.
Howard said that she went on to tell him she was only with him out of pity. He said it looks like they're on their way to divorce. Robin said she has announced that. Howard said he may not want one but that's the way divorce works sometimes.
Howard played a prank call the guys made using Tan Mom audio clips. They called some guy and had her telling him that she's sexier than the Tan Mom and saying some other things that the guys had pulled from an interview.
Howard and Robin were cracking up listening to that. Howard said that was Tan Mom. He said it's so great. He wondered where that guy found her.
Howard said they were discussing labia recently and the boys took some of that audio and made a prank call. Howard said this guy was into big labia on Craigslist and he read the ad on the air. Howard said they realized that Labia Minora might be a Jewish thing and now Tradio is involved. Howard played the clip where Sal called Tradio and said he was looking to get rid of some Christmas ornaments. He said he was getting into some Hanukkah stuff and they were looking for the Labia Menorah. The host had no clue. Richard called in later and said he had a huge labia menorah on his snatch lips. The host hung up on him. Howard said he hasn't thought of the word Snatch in so long. He said this show is so stupid. He was cracking up just thinking about it. Howard said he's going home. Howard said he was thinking about all of the dumb stuff they'll be doing today and it's not redeeming.
Howard had Eric on the line and asked if he's gone to just direct messaging people. Eric said he has. He said that he wasn't aware of the Timber James thing. The caller said she looks like a dude and she's known to be a she-male so he had to have known. Eric said he didn't know. Howard asked if he's going to keep following her. Eric said now that he knows he won't keep following her. Robin asked why not. Eric said he isn't anti-gay but he's not going to follow her. Howard said that's kind of anti-gay. Eric said if he was anti-gay he wouldn't be following Neil Patrick Harris, George Takei or other gay actors. Howard asked why he won't follow a she-male. Eric said that's where he draws the line.
The caller asked Eric how he didn't know because it says it right on her account. Eric said he obviously didn't see that. The caller, Gonzo, told Howard about some of the other odd things that Eric follows. He said he follows a lot of food things like Baskin Robbins, Olive Garden and places like that. Howard asked why he follows Olive Garden. Eric said he'd like a moment to answer. Howard asked why that is. Eric said he needs a second to answer. He said he's about to hang up on them but they won't let him speak. Howard said they're giving him time to answer but he won't say anything. Eric said he's trying to answer but they won't let him. Howard asked why he follows Olive Garden. Gary said they're thinking he does that because they give away free coupons or that Eric wants some of their followers to follow him.
Eric said he's never paid attention to the coupon thing. He said he follows a lot of restaurants on there. They mentioned Cinnibon in there and Howard had no idea what that was. Eric wondered what kind of rock he lives under that he doesn't knows what that is. Howard said he lives under a rock and doesn't go out.
Eric said he follows them for the same reason that anyone follows them. Howard asked why. Eric wasn't giving him an answer that made sense. Howard said that he follows things that he has interest in. He said he'd like to know why he follows a cinnamon bun place. Eric said he's not sure why this caller cares what he follows.
Howard said Olive Garden only has just under 100,000 followed. He said that it's not even millions. Howard asked what he's learning about Olive Garden on there. Eric said he can follow anyone he wants to. Howard said he just wants to know why he follows them. Eric said they were just suggested things to follow. He said he doesn't follow them for any particular reason. Gary asked why he doesn't follow Dunkin Donuts. Eric said there are none in California. He follows IHOP because he likes going there. Howard said he's not goofing on him. He just wants to understand. He said he's curious why he would follow IHOP. Eric said it's a good restaurant. Howard asked what they tweet that's so interesting. Eric said he hardly ever looks at the things they tweet. Howard asked why he'd follow them if he doesn't look at them. Eric said that's what he wants to do. Howard said he's hard to interview.
Howard said he also follows Kit Kat. Howard said he's not sure why he would do that. Eric said he's been trying to explain that for the past 5 minutes.
Gonzo said he wants to know why he follows the she-males. Howard said he wants to know why it's okay to follow gay dudes and not she-males. Howard said at least they look like women. Gonzo said that Eric must be into that. Eric said he is not into it. Howard asked if he's going to stop following the she-male. Eric said yes.
Howard said Eric follows Pillsbury, Oreos, Cold Stone creamery and Steak and Shake. He said he follows a lot of shitty food places. Gonzo said he follows a lot of women with big tits and she-males too.
Howard read more of Eric's tweets where he goes off on people who call him names. Gonzo said that he also follows a lot of anti-bullying stuff. Eric told him he was a moron. Gonzo said that he just called him a moron so that's kind of bullying.
Howard asked what Eric wanted to say. Eric said this isn't what he called about. He said he has an issue with his agent again. Howard asked him not to drag this out. He asked him to quickly say what his problem is. Eric said over the weekend he declined to do the Eric Andre show on Adult Swim and what Johnny did was... Howard cut him off and said he can't drag this out. Gary said they offered Eric the chance to do Eric Andre's live show and he turned it down so Jeff the Drunk took the job. Eric said he did it last night. He said the guy isn't funny. Eric said that Eric Andre isn't funny. Robin asked why that's an agent problem. Eric said Johnny sent out a tweet saying he turned it down because Eric is black but that's not why he did. He said it's because he didn't think he was funny. Eric said Johnny is calling him a racist and he's not a racist.
Gary said that Eric is looking for action in the business but Eric turns down everything. He said that this guy offered him a job and he turned it down. Eric asked if they've watched the show. Howard said he's never heard of it. Eric said the guy makes Conan O'Brien and guys like that look like geniuses.
Gary asked Eric if he's gotten any other offers. Eric said he has gotten an offer to do the show Legit on FXX. Howard said he had to let them go. Eric gave Gonzo a big fuck you when he was hanging up. Howard said he knows some people don't like Eric but he does.
Howard said he wants to meet other people who follow Olive Garden. He said he can't think of one reason to follow them unless they were giving out coupons or something. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
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Howard said that he was so annoyed. He said he wanted to watch Sons of Anarchy since Kurt Sutter is coming in today. He said that he created the show. Howard said he's going to talk to him about how to create a hit TV show. Howard said the show is cool. He said that he thinks Kurt wanted to make people never want to join a motorcycle club. He said they sell guns for a living but they want to get out of the business and get into strip clubs and things like that. Howard said they don't intimidate anyone either. Howard said it would be great if they just became telemarketers at the end of the show. Howard said that they make zero money and their club house just got blown up. He said the IRA blew it up. He said that's what's going on there.
Howard said there's this guy from Justified named Walton Goggins and now he's on Sons of Anarchy. He said that this guy is a super macho criminal on one show and on the other show he's a tranny. Howard said he has tits on this show and they look real. He said he wants to know how they do that.
Howard said he read an article this weekend about bathroom attendants and how they're kind of a thing of the past. Howard said he can't tell you how annoying he finds it when they have an attendant in the bathroom. Howard said the guy is always a personality and it's just crazy. He said it's so annoying and he was reading about how some of the attendants die and they don't replace them. Howard said it's so annoying to the customer when they're in there. Howard said the guy has to hand you a towel and he's perfectly capable of doing that himself. Howard said that's not one of those things that they need to carry on the tradition for. Howard said they started doing that to keep the bathroom clean but they don't need to do that.
Howard said strip clubs they have bathroom attendants and they need one there. Howard said they kind of help the guys out and clean you up. He said they would go to Scores and they would have sparkles all over them when they left. He said that's what they clean up on you in the bathroom.
Howard said there are drug companies that are going to stop making the drugs that they use in the death penalty. He said they'll end up going back to the electric chair instead of the drugs.
Howard said he taped that show ''Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee'' with Jerry Seinfeld and he was obsessed with where men carry their wallet. Howard said he asked Jerry what he does. He said Jerry had a money clip thing that he showed him. Howard said he was blown away. He said he talks to other guys and they have it figured out. Howard said he saw that and went online to order something. He said he found a shitty one that was like 10 bucks. He said he ordered it and now uses it every day. He said now he's obsessed with finding a nice one. He said that he found one on Bloomgindales.com. He said he knew it was going to be a nightmare. He said this was a Mark Jacobs item. He said it's like 100 bucks. He said it must be some money clip. He said it took him like an hour to order this thing. He said he has a mental block about the whole thing. He said he's seen Jimmy Kimmel order stuff and he does it in minutes. Howard said he's just a moron when it comes to this.
Howard said it's such a hassle to order something that he'll never send it back. He said his wife will do that though. He said they ordered swimming trunks and sent them back when they didn't fit.
Howard said he thought he had ordered this thing and they said that it was going to be there in 3 days. Now he's getting emails about how the thing is backordered.
Gary said that you can store your information on your computer. He said that the money clip thing is something you have to try out. Howard said he likes this one he has. He showed it to Gary and Gary said it'll be broken in 3 months if it's a $10 item. Gary said he uses a money clip and it works for him. He showed Howard how his works. Howard showed Gary how his works. He said that his is better.
Benjy told Howard that the money clip is available at the store. Howard said they should take it off their web site then. He asked Gary to write a note to his assistant to get him one. He said he wants her to know that there's something wrong with iTunes too. He said it must be him. He said he's sick of this.
Howard said it's like this Obamacare web site thing. He said nothing works. Howard said meanwhile he has health insurance and it doesn't cover anything.
Howard said he must be having a good live. Romney said that he's not going to run for president again. Howard asked if he just sits around the house all day. Romney said he volunteers at a local zoo because he loves animals.
Howard said Romney was saying that the government's primary job is to protect us. Romney said that if Hillary Clinton runs and wins then Bill will be in the house having sex with a bunch of people and goats and things. Howard let Romney go a short time later. Howard said it's good to hear from Mitt Romney.
Howard read the details of what they did to him and Robin said that the guy should pay the bill because he has some lawsuit waiting to happen. Howard said the guy protested and never gave consent to perform these procedures. Robin said this guy has a good case. Howard said he's now suing the city and some of the cops and the medical center that did the procedures. Howard said he thinks it might be worth going through all of that to get a few million.
The caller also asked if he got the iPad air. Howard said he didn't but Ralph had his over at his place the other day. He said it's smaller and lighter but he's waiting for the new iPad Mini to come out. He asked Jon Hein when that's going to be out. Jon came in and said it'll be available in a few weeks. the caller asked how much the Air sells for. Jon said it depends but it goes from like $499 to $799. He said the Mini will be more. He said he's not sure why that is.
The caller said that Howard is always looking for good new music. Howard said he is not. He said he's not looking to be more edgy. He hung up on her and said that people ask him how he'd get Miley Cyrus under control. Howard said he doesn't need to. He said she's an entertainer. He said he's not sure why she's any more out of control than Madonna was. Robin said she did a show recently where she appeared to be lighting up a joint. Howard said that was in Amsterdam and it's legal to do that there. Howard said she's trying to be outrageous and interesting. Robin said she needs that attention. Howard said he kind of understands what she's doing. He said he did a few things in his career where he was looking for attention. He said he dressed as Fartman and did those pay-per-views.
Howard said Sharon Osbourne was on Arsenio Hall's show and she said something about the women on The View. He said what you want to do is be entertaining and fun on a show like that. He played a clip where Sharon basically said fuck everyone on The View other than Barbara Walters. Howard said Sharon had to apologize for that. He played both clips and Sharon said that it was just a joke. Howard said she must have gotten a lot of shit for what she said.
Howard said he's doing Letterman next Wednesday. He said that you don't know what you're going to say. He said you're just going to wing it and see how it goes. He said then if you see the audience falling asleep you might say ''fuck this person.'' He said you can say something stupid and not even believe it. He said you're just trying to keep the audience entertained. He said he thinks that the real Sharon was the one who said ''fuck them.'' Howard said she was probably just being competitive. Howard said that The Talk is The View so they should be saying thank you to them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that John Stamos playing with the Beach Boys is pretty remarkable. He said that there was so much about the guy that was interesting.
The caller wondered what happened with the Grandpa contest too. Howard said that they are still working on that and they'll know more once it happens.
The caller said he wanted to be first on the list for the birthday party. Howard said they're going to have something great there. He said that he's getting hit up by people all the time. He said they're not going to be in a huge place. They're only going to have so many seats and he thinks that they should be saved for the fans. Howard said he's been told he can't give tickets yet. He said they're not even available yet. Howard said he can't blame the guy for asking. He said it's going to be a great night.
Gary said there are a lot of people asking for tickets and they've been fans for a long time. Howard said they don't have the room for everyone. He said he has good friends who want to come. Robin said she doesn't know how to handle that either. Howard said he's saying this with peace and love. He said that he wants people to back off and let them handle the ticket thing. Howard said they will give the majority of the seats to the fans. Gary said they're going to wait until it's fair for everyone.
Gary said he had a guy who he didn't invite to his wedding say he couldn't wait to be there so he had to invite him. He said that's what this birthday party thing is like that.
Howard asked how many seats they have. Gary said they can't say that yet. He said that people could figure it out if they did that. Howard asked if it's over 1000 seats. Gary said it is. He told Howard he will have a guest list of his own that they'll carve out room for. Howard said that's what he's afraid of. He said he had to go to break after that.
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Howard came back and said that Kurt Sutter is the guy who writes and created Sons of Anarchy. Howard said he looks all cleaned up. Robin said he looks like he rides a motorcycle. Howard had the theme song from the show playing. Howard asked why they picked that song. Kurt said he and a friend wrote the song. Howard said it's a good song. Howard said that way he gets paid for it too. Kurt said FOX likes to own everything they do too.
Howard said Kurt said he would like to win an Emmy for the show but then he went on Twitter and blasted the Emmys. Kurt said it was all in good fun but it wasn't taken that way. He said that they are the standard in which the industry looks at quality. He said it may be bullshit but he can't say it doesn't matter to him.
Howard asked Kurt if he's still upset about it. Kurt said they're going into 6 seasons now and he can't say he is. Howard read some of the tweets he wrote about the Emmy people and he was kind of upset about it. Kurt said it was an insane rant that he went on. He said he wasn't on any substance or anything. He said the only substance is himself.
Howard said he wrote ''Fuck Glee...'' in one and went off on them. Kurt said he was kind of laughing while he was writing them and his wife, Katey Sagal, called and asked what he was doing. Howard asked if he really feels that way about Glee. Kurt said that Katey has been on Glee and she watches it. He said he has asked her why she's watching it and then 10 minutes in he's asking ''Who is that guy?''
Howard asked what kind of shows he liked watching. Kurt said he was into Hill Street Blues and a lot of cartoons. Howard said he watched a ton of TV and he thinks if he hadn't watched it then he couldn't relate to the audience. Howard said he thinks that their parents thought they were out of their minds for doing that. Kurt said TV was like a babysitter to some. Howard said that TV is a great art form. Kurt said TV was new when he was goring up. He said he remembers watching TV with the whole family and it was a communal thing.
Howard said he found it annoying that he had to share a TV with his sister. He said that she had to watch girl movies and he wanted to watch Yogi Bear. He said she was watching shitty movies. Howard said his mother told them to work it out and his sister took advantage of him by making a deal for her to be able to watch what she wanted for a full year. Howard said he has TVs in every room now.
Howard asked Kurt what he watches. Kurt said he DVRs a lot of stuff. He said it's not a lot of dramas. He said he loves Boardwalk Empire. Howard said they're like movies now.
Howard asked Kurt about writing a movie for Eminem. Kurt said they were close to doing it. He said he thinks that he had a not so great experience on 8 Mile and it may have been too much for him. He said now it's up and running again. He said that he wrote the movie and they have Jake Gyllenhaal lined up to do the movie.
Howard said that Kurt worked on The Shield as a writer. He said that Kurt is going to tell them how to write a hit show. Kurt said that he has the formula. Howard asked Kurt about being a kid and not getting along with is parents. Kurt said he was a bad kid and a fat kid. Howard said Kurt must be one tough son of a bitch. He said Chuck Zito claimed to have had the idea for this show and Kurt was calling him names. He said he would jump off a building before he'd do that to Chuck. Howard said Kurt is a nut. Howard said he called him a delusional bitch and an annoying gnat. Howard said Chuck would beat the shit out of him. Kurt said he and Chuck are good now. He said he put him in the show.
Kurt said when the show became a hit everyone came out of the wood work. He said he had a guy in the middle of Wisconsin who claimed that he had an unpublished novel and he wondered how he got in and stole that from him. He said the whole thing with Chuck was the last straw for him and he snapped on him and may have said some things that he didn't mean.
Kurt said once they got into the deposition thing he became aware that it wast a money grab thing. He said that from that point on he felt like he had some amends to make. He said that he had lunch with Chuck and he had given Charlie Sheen a cut from Sons and Chuck showed up wearing it.
Howard asked Kurt how he got into all of this stuff when he grew up in Jersey. Kurt said he got into drugs and drinking and his parents had it with him. He said you just get exhausted by it all eventually. Kurt said his dad was from another generation and he didn't have someone to turn to. He said he got into drugs and drinking and he didn't know what he was doing.
Howard said Kurt went and got a masters degree so he was a bad ass but he was in college. Robin said that hey meet people like that once in a while. She said they're really smart but they're a fuck up.
Howard said a lot of guys go to school to write and they don't know what they're doing. Kurt said he started writing in Grad School. He said he kept doing it and kept doing it. He said he sent a script out that got some attention and that's what got him going in that direction. Howard said you have to write a spec script for a show if you're into it. That's what Kurt did for The Shield.
Kurt said that you have to write every day if you're a writer. He said that it's not about having one script. He said you have to write more than one. Howard asked what he does during a typical day. Kurt said he usually does his rewriting in the morning. He said he thinks better then. Kurt said he'll do another shift at night when everyone is asleep. He said he has an office at his house and one at The Sons too.
Robin asked Kurt about writing for The Shield. Kurt said he was there from the pilot on. He said that he wrote a spec script for the show and FX wasn't anything at the time. Howard asked how you get someone to read that shit. Kurt said it's not easy. He said you need someone who knows someone. Kurt said he had someone read a feature he wrote and she walked him through the process. Kurt said she was at ICM and he was her first feature client and they maintained that relationship.
Howard said Kurt wrote for the show and ended up being an executive producer. Kurt said you move from one role to another. He said that he would do pitches for the show and he got to use a lot of fucked up stuff on the show. Howard asked if that's how he became the executive producer. Kurt said he was a good fit for the show and the guy who created the show was a friend of his. He said he has a big personality and there aren't many people who could handle him. He said he didn't know the rules and he'd go in and he'd be very proprietary over his pitches. He said that he'd get angry if they didn't use his ideas. He said it was all new to him so he didn't know.
Howard asked if it's annoying to him that they do the show script writing as a group. Kurt said he didn't know how it worked at the time. He said that's what his problem was. Kurt said when they were working on The Shield he'd once in with a primary idea and the room would bring it to fruition.
Howard asked if he comes up with an idea and someone tells him it's shit, does that hurt. Kurt said that he didn't mind the notes from the creator. He said that when they got studio notes or notes from the network that's what hurt. Kurt said that when it comes from the outside you think they don't know what the fuck is going on.
Howard asked Kurt about putting his wife in Sons of Anarchy. He said he sees her fucking other guys on the show. Kurt said that's so fucking hot. Howard said he'd be jealous if he did that. Howard asked if he likes to see Katey fuck Jimmy Smits. Kurt was laughing and saying that it keeps it fresh. Howard asked who he wants her to fuck next. Howard said he'll get in there and fuck her.
Howard asked Kurt about being a kid and how he stopped talking to his parents. He asked when they became proud of him. Kurt said he thinks a lot of it healed for him when he healed. He said he moved forward with the whole thing. He said he split at 18 or 19. He said he would talk to them but not a lot. He said that by the time he cleaned up a little bit he was okay. He said his dad and mom are gone now but his dad was around when Sons started.
Howard asked how Kurt met Katey. Kurt said he had friends who knew her. He said he wanted to ask her out but he thought he was a loser. He said he was a struggling writer and he was coming out of a starter marriage. He said that she was coming out of a marriage too. Howard asked how long his marriage lasted. Kurt said it was about a year. He said he knew it was wrong about 6 weeks before the wedding. He said he knew it was going to happen. He figured that he'd figure it out. Howard asked when he told her it was over. Kurt said he knew it wasn't working. He said it was about 6 months in that he had the conversation. He said that they went through therapy but that didn't work. Kurt said they were together a couple of years total.
Kurt said once he had a job on The Shield he felt he could ask someone like Katey out. He said that he was able to say what he did for a living in one sentence. He said he could just say he was ''a writer.'' Kurt said he did ask Katey out and she brought a chaperone out with her. He said she gave that person the look and that's when they knew things were going okay.
Howard said Kurt has this show Sons of Anarchy and he loves it. Howard said he's all caught up on it now. Howard asked if he tracks the ratings very carefully. Kurt said that he does. He said that you're very naive if you're not. He said that he is very plugged into the fans and their response. He said he's very competitive too. He said with The Shield they'd lose viewers over the years. He said now they get more people watching digital stuff. He said that they watch 5 seasons over a matter of a few weeks.
Howard said they're over 4 million viewers now on cable. Howard said that's pretty impressive. Howard asked if the networks passed on the show. Kurt said he knew it was going to be a cable show. Howard asked if people would be shocked by how little he makes on cable. Kurt said he has a good deal with FOX and they've been generous. Howard asked if he's a millionaire from the show. He said he is.
Robin asked if he hates the people from The Walking Dead. Kurt said ''Fuck those guys!'' a couple of times. Howard asked if they make money on merchandising. Kurt said he makes some. He said that what he wants to do is a prequel to the show. He said he wants to do the first 9. He said he wants to let the mythology breathe for a couple of seasons though. He said they're doing a lot of stuff to keep the whole thing alive. Howard said it's a great life.
Howard asked if he uses a computer to write. Kurt said he does it all on the computer. Howard asked if he auditioned Peter Weller to do the show or did he just have him come on. Kurt said he knew him and he had him direct before he was on the show. Howard said it's great that he gets to hire directors and stuff. Howard said when he got Jimmy Smits on the show he wondered how he did it. Kurt said once you have credibility it becomes a little easier. Howard asked if Kurt had approached him. Kurt said that he had an E.P. and a director who introduced him. He said he knew he had this character coming in the next season and that started the conversation. Howard asked if he saw Jimmy on Dexter. Kurt said he didn't but he knew his work. He said he's a big dude and he has so much gravitas that he knew he'd be great for that character.
Howard asked Kurt if he had to ask Katey if she'd be into sleeping with him on the show. Kurt said he knew she liked him and she liked the idea of sleeping with him on the show. He said that she did ask him about doing it doggy style in the one scene he wrote.
Howard said he's impressed with the cast he has. Howard said that they mentioned Charlie Hunnam was going to do 50 Shades of Grey he backed out of it. Howard asked if he had to ask Kurt if he should do it. Kurt said he did talk to him about it but he doesn't have to ask his permission to do it. He said that he told Charlie that he had to base his decision on the script and the people who are doing it. Howard said that people were screaming that he wasn't the right guy for the show and he ended up quitting. Howard asked if he was afraid that he as going to break down. Kurt said he's a pretty mellow guy and he can be disconnected from all of that. He said that he didn't worry about that. He said he did check in with him because he had a lot of attention over that. He said that it was being turned up a notch and he found that he was handling it very well. Kurt said he didn't have any conversations with him about stepping away from it. He said it was just a few days before they were filming the finale so he waited to talk to him about it later on.
Howard said Kurt gave Charlie his big break. Howard asked how they found him. Kurt said he had watched some movies and Charlie was the lead in Green Street Hooligans. He said he was great in the show and he wondered who this kid was. He said he asked who he was and he wanted to know more about him. It turned out he lived in L.A. and he doesn't take a lot of jobs. He said that he was available and he loved the script. He nailed the American accent in the audition. He said he grew up in a rough neighborhood and he knew that mentality. He said he took Charlie into the network and he read for them. He said that he got the gig and Charlie didn't realize it. He said that it happened so quick for him that he didn't know what was happening.
Howard asked Kurt about writing about motorcycle gangs and if his goal was to turn people off to being in a gang. He said he's never seen more of a fucked up motorcycle gang. Howard said it looks like absolute misery. Robin said that they have no fun. Kurt said the enrollment in MCs has doubled around the country. Howard said he's shocked. He said they're the biggest fuck ups. Howard said they're a bunch of losing people.
Howard said the wife of Jax is injured on the show and he wants to know if she's really injured. Kurt said they don't have a lot of time passing on the show. He said that she's not really injured. He said that she fucked up her hand in the premier when she beat the shit out of someone. He said they're just trying to keep it real.
Howard asked what the future is for Kurt. He said he must want to do movies. Kurt said he would love to do that. He said that he tires to write a feature every hiatus. He said that he'd like to be able to do South Paw. He said that he loves TV though too. He said it's a great day job to have.
Howard asked about Walton Goggins and the fake tits he has in the show. Kurt said that's just a prosthetic. Howard said that's pretty amazing.
Howard said Katey is there with him today. He told the guys to bring her in. Howard asked how the marriage is. Kurt said it's good. Katey came in and Howard said they're going to talk about how long it took to fuck. Katey said they waited about a month. She said that she wanted to see if it was really going to happen.
Howard asked Katey if she orgasmed. She said she didn't want to answer that. Kurt said it was right away. Katey said she's still there so something worked out. Howard asked Katey if she had friends who told her not to marry this guy because he was a low life. Katey said he was a vast improvement. She said that she didn't want to get into all of that.
Howard asked if she's still fighting with her ex-husbands. Katey said she's actually very close to her ex that she had kids with.
Howard said Katey must have put this guy through the ringer until he got going. Katey said that it was more about her kids. She said that she didn't let Kurt even sleep over for about a year.
Howard asked if she's afraid that Kurt will go Hollywood and go crazy on her. Katey said he likes to write and he stays busy working. Howard said they seem like a real nice couple. Howard said you don't seen that a lot.
Howard asked Katey if she could handle Kurt doing scenes with women like she does with Jimmy Smits. Katey said they can separate that from their lives.
Howard said Kurt puts this tranny on the show and they talk to that person nicely. He said there must be some kind of message there. Kurt said it's not so much that. He said that she's such a desperate and broken character. He said that Walton plays her perfectly too. He loves that Tig is attracted to her too. Howard said that is pretty great.
Howard asked Kurt if he's going to do this show right into the ground. Kurt said that the final season is next season. He said he has an idea of where it's going. He said that he didn't see the ending when he started it though. He said he had to think about it. Howard said he has said it won't end well. Howard said that the guys are all going to get jobs.
Howard said that he seems to be making fun of the motorcycle gangs in a way. He said he may not be saying it's a good thing. Kurt said that the lifestyle is a conflicted lifestyle. He said that they're usually displaced guys who have no family. He said that any sort of gang is like that. He said there is a comradery with the guys and that's what it's about. He said he equates it more to them being a military unit. He said he has a lot of friends who are in clubs. He said he has been riding since he was in his 20s but he's never been in a club like that.
Howard said that he used to bring in clubs to consult on the show and they'd end up fighting. Kurt said that they have relationships that are precarious. He said that he would see these gangs at runs and stuff and they'd have them playing extras. He said then they find out that they have a rift and you can't have them working together. He said they had to stop having them on the show. It was too dangerous. Howard said that's fascinating.
Howard said things are going well for them. Kurt said they did a benefit for Sandy relief in New Jersey yesterday. Katey said she has a new album coming out called Covered. Howard said he forgot that she was a singer.
Howard asked if Katey is upset that they haven't won an Emmy. Katey said she's not that upset about it. She said it really doesn't mean anything.
Howard asked Kurt about this fear of dolls he has. Howard asked if Katey every chases him around the house with dolls. Katey said that hey took him to Disney and made him go through ''It's a Small World'' and he almost jumped out of the boat. Howard said he doesn't like the doll thing either. He said that his sister had the Talking Tina doll and it was creepy to him. Kurt said he saw that Twilight Zone episode too and that may have been where he got that from. He said he turned Katey's dolls around on a shelf. He said that he gets anxious when he sees those things at Disney. Kurt said he gives all of his neurosis to Tig on the show. He said that he had him flip out in that doll warehouse.
Howard asked Katey about being sober and clean and if she ever breaks down. She said she never does. Howard asked if they talk about eventually going out with a bang if they get to the age of 80 or so. Katey said that it wasn't fun for a couple of years. She said they don't talk about drinking. She said she fantasizes about smoking cigarettes. She said that she's afraid of doing that because she'll end up at the dealer's house. Kurt said the hard thing for him to let go of was the comradery of drinking.
Howard said they had a good time. He said if they go for another 5 minutes it may go wrong. He said Kurt should go to the Emmys and they should have the Sons dressed up in their leathers and beat up the cast of Glee. He said that would be it. Howard said that Katey and Kurt seem to be Hollywood's happiest couple.
Howard asked Katey if she's ever gone into the room and blown Kurt while he's writing. Katey said ''Well, you know...'' Howard took that as a yes. Howard asked if she still wears outfits. She didn't want to get into that stuff. Howard said he told them that he should have stopped. Howard said he'll be right into her labia minora if he keeps it up. Howard said things can go horribly wrong if he keeps going.
Katey said they can talk about Howard and his gorgeous wife. Katey asked if she ever blows him behind the desk. Howard said she's down there now. He said this is the longest blow job he's ever gotten. He told everyone to watch Sons of Anarchy. He said if you haven't seen it then watch it in a marathon. Howard said Katey has a new album out too. He gave her a plug for that. Katey said that she has some songs in the soundtrack of the show. Howard said he knows that the wife of Jax was singing in the show and it's time to kill her off. Howard said that he knows he's going to do that soon. Kurt said they had a screening for the show last night and people were yelling out to kill her off.
Howard gave them some more plugs and asked if they were interested in High Pitch Eric. they had no idea who he was. Howard picked up and Kurt asked if he'd wear tits. Eric said he absolutely would. Howard said he has no interest in him. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said that's the 6th week for Lorde being at number 1. Robin said she just turned 17 recently. Howard said he'll wait for an album to tank to get her in there.
Howard said he likes that guy Kurt Sutter. He asked Robin if she knows how to have a hit TV show now. Robin said it sounds like he got a lot of breaks. Robin said Steve Grillo wrote a spec script for The Simpsons. Howard said they read that on the air.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he was at Madison Square Garden to see the Eagles. Howard said he wasn't there but Gary was. The caller said he ran into Gary there. He said that they didn't mention Don Felder at all there. Howard said he's not in the band anymore. Howard said he's not that into the Eagles. He said that he likes the Joe Walsh stuff. Gary said Joe was great. He said they did Funk #49 and Rocky Mountain Way and a couple of other songs that Joe did on his own. The caller said Howard has turned him on to Apple products too. Robin said that Jon Hein corrected himself about the prices of the iPad Air and Mini. He said the mini is cheaper, not more expensive.
Howard said a couple of people are turning things around. He said that guy Richie Incognito is turning it around. He said he's saying that he and Jonathan Martin always joked around with each other. He had some audio of Incognito talking about this prank that they pulled on Jonathan where they walked out of the lunch room when he walked in. He said they were all laughing and carrying on and Jonathan walked out on them.
Howard said that was on FOX NFL Sunday. He said that he was talking to his wife about that story and he had no idea what team that guy even plays for.
Robin wondered why he uses the N-word in his Tweets. Howard said he has some audio of that discussion too. Howard played the clip and Incognito said he's embarrassed by his actions. He said that the way they communicate is not right and it's vulgar. He said that that's just the way they communicate. Howard said he thinks that this guy is turning him around on this. Robin said she wants to hear his explanation of the N-word. Incognito said that it's never right for him to throw that word around. He said that this stuff was all a joke. Robin said that anyone who wants to use that word should go see ''12 Years a Slave.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said he bought both of Howard's books for the first time. He also got the North Shore calendar. The caller said he's in Howard zone lately. Howard said he appreciates that. He said that it's a charitable donation and you get a title something for it. The caller said he hopes he can get some tickets to the birthday party.
JD came in and told Howard about some of the other clips that he has for Incognito. The caller was asking Howard about the rap songs he played the other day and said that he should have Eminem in there. Howard said he had him on the show years ago. He said that he must not want to do this show anymore. The caller said that Eminem isn't an angry guy. He said he just sings about what he went through in his childhood. Howard said he knows that. He thanked the guy for the call and hung up on him. Howard did a live commercial and went to break after that.
Howard said Robin, Benjy and Fred were all so wet after John Stamos was there that they had to do a major cleaning of the studio. Fred said he is cute. Howard said he is. He said he jerked off before he came in so he wouldn't have an embarrassing accident.
Howard said Tom Cruise compared his work to being as hard as a soldier in Afghanistan. Howard said now when he sees an actor he says ''Thank you for your service.'' Howard said he was reading all kinds of weird shit about Will Smith getting caught cheating or something. Howard said he read that Jada Pinkett Smith was walking around without her wedding ring on. Howard said they're rumored to have an open marriage though. Gary said he thinks he heard that but he thinks it was from Howard. Howard said open marriage is great until your wife is driving away with your chopped off penis.
Howard said Charlie Sheen called someone an ''Anus Brain'' and that's a great name. He said that he does come up with some funny stuff.
Howard said Al Roker and Matt Lauer got prostate exams on the Today show. Howard said that it looked a little too easy for Matt. He said Al Roker looked like he had just been raped. Howard said Al said a lot of men might be embarrassed by that and the doctor was joking about how he was greasing up two fingers. Howard said Matt came out of the room kind of chipper. Howard said it is a public service. He said that guys are freaked out by the prostate exam thing. He said it's horrible but he has to do it.
Howard said he read that Elizabeth Vargas had to go into rehab. Howard said he used to think she was hot but now he thinks she's way hot. He said that makes her twice as hot to him. Robin said she read a story about some people who were arrested for having sex in the Waffle House parking lot. Robin said they say that the woman was so drunk that she didn't bother getting dressed. She was completely naked.
Howard read that the pope was holding some guy with elephantiasis. Howard said he could never do that. He said he can't even touch regular people himself. Howard said the pope refused to hold him because he's too gross. Howard said he told Beth that she's like the Pope because they both kiss and hold horribly disfigured men every day.
Howard said he read that Oprah's step-mother is accusing her husband of having sex with a prostitute that was known as ''One Tooth.'' Howard said that's the worst name for a prostitute. Howard said that maybe Herpes would be worse. Howard said he's not even sure that's a real story. It came from the tabloids.
Howard played another song parody for Robin. It was another Little Mikey song about labia. Howard said this one is graphic.
Robin started her news reading about George Bush doing a speech at a fund raiser for a Jewish Bible institute. Robin said they're trying to get Jews to accept Jesus as the messiah. Robin wondered why Jesus can't come back without the Jews staying Jewish. Robin said that man was the President of the United States. She said they should be proud.
Robin and Howard talked about Blockbuster going out of business. Then Howard played another Little Mikey song parody for Robin.
Robin said the Nazis are apparently really good at hiding. Robin said they found an ex-Nazi in New York and people were protesting outside his home. Robin said people were demanding that he be kicked out of New York and out of the country. Robin said they have tried getting him out of the country but no other country will take him. Howard said ''Yay! Time for another song!'' He played another song parody for Robin. That one was by Eli Braden. Howard had to play that one twice. He said some of that was very poetic. Howard said he pictures Robin getting it everywhere in a cartoon of that scene.
Robin asked Howard if he's rushing out to see these super hero movies. Howard said he did see Thor. He said he didn't love it. Robin said she's not a big fan of what they're doing with Thor. Howard said there was a big shortage of story in this one. He said there is no chemistry between Thor and Natalie Portman. Howard said the movie did make $82 million. Howard said he wasn't in love with it. He said he would go see another one if they made it. Robin said she liked this one better than the first one. Howard said he read the comics when he was a kid. He said it was time for another song parody. He played another one from Eli Braden.
Robin said that people should go see 12 Years a Slave. She said that it really shows what happened to people in this country. Robin started to lecture Richie Incognito about using the N-word and said he should go watch this movie. Howard said he won't go see it. He said he won't see any movies about the holocaust either. Howard said that Brad Pitt produced that movie. Robin said that he gave himself the nicest white guy role in the movie. Robin said he shouldn't have been doing that. Howard said she's really critical of him.
Howard played another song for Robin from Eli Braden. That one was ''Fill Robin's Hole With Meat.'' Howard said Eli is on a mad fucking roll. He said he's a big talent. Howard said he loves it.
Robin read a story about Michael Jackson's kids. Robin said that his cousin was talking about them. Howard said he saw that and she was wearing hot pants. He said she should not be wearing hot pants. He said they're ''not so hot pants.'' Robin said the cousin is saying that Paris Jackson is cutting herself and things are not going well for them.
Howard said there was a Howard 100 News story about John Stamos and JD having a 10 minute discussion off the air. Howard said that John told him that he's going to take JD out and girls will think he's a Make a Wish kid and he's going to get even more women that way. Howard said the women will think JD only has days to live since he can barely talk. He said it's a genius idea.
Robin asked Howard if he'd go to a restaurant where they yell out ''Welcome home master'' and they have crazy French maid outfits on the waitresses. Howard said no. He said he'd rather just go eat. He said that probably means they have shitty food. He said if you have to resort to that kind of gimmick then there must be something wrong. Robin said that's the way they do things at this restaurant in the city. Howard said he'd tell the girl to just knock it off and bring him his food.
Robin read a story about California trying to get rid of the porn industry out there. Robin said they have passed a law where they say you have to wear a condom in sex scenes. Now they're saying that they have to wear protective goggles during sex scenes. Robin said they say that the eyewear would shield them from airborne bodily fluids. Howard said guys are so fucked up that they'd still beat off to that. Howard said he can't wait to see the first movie out with that. After that Howard played another Robin song parody. That was from Matt Evans. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Time Magazine going with the headline ''The elephant in the room'' with a story about Governor Chris Christie. Howard said it was kind of demeaning. Howard said he's not sure anyone is even reading their magazine anymore. Howard said he hasn't seen that magazine in a long time. He said the internet has changed the world. Robin said that Chris Christie says he's not bothered by that magazine cover. Robin had some audio of Christie talking about that. She had some audio of Governor Rick Perry talking about how Christie doesn't seem to be that big of a conservative. Howard said you can't be stuck in your ways that much. He said that you have to be willing to compromise if you're in government. Howard said it's ridiculous. Howard said New Jersey is a traditionally liberal state and this guy is trying to compromise. Howard said people who don't are killing the republican party. Robin said they should let them kill it.
Howard played another song parody for Robin. That one was insulting Howard, Robin and Robin's book. Howard said that wasn't a Robin love song. Howard said that was from Zachary Mercier. Howard said it was pretty funny. Robin said she didn't like that one at all. Howard said someone told him they were using Robin's book this weekend. Howard said he
Robin read about the Philippines and how we're sending troops over there to help out. Robin said they say that Typhoon killed 10,000 people. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that storm and how bad it was. Howard said they're saying that asteroids will eventually hit the earth and kill us all. Robin said that we've survived this long. She said we should just stop looking. Howard said maybe they could prevent it from happening. Howard said Robin is off the wall today. Robin said we have more to worry about with all of the satellites in the air. She said they're falling down and clunking people on the head. Howard read a live commercial after that. Then he played another song for Robin. That one was from Psych.
Howard said he read a story about a guy who was arrested for fucking a pumpkin in front of children. Howard said he read that he had fucked a pool raft in front of kids too.
Howard said that he read that the new Star Wars movie is coming out in December 2015. Howard said he's waiting in line now. He said there are probably people in line now. He said you know they're not going to ever get laid. Howard said he's looking forward to that movie. He said JJ is going to get that franchise on track.
Howard played another song parody for Robin. They spent a short time talking about that since it was about fucking Robin with no rubber. Howard said they'll never run out of porn. He said even if they make them wear masks and goggles they'll still have plenty to jerk off to.
Robin read about a casket that was found that may have been from the family of Jesus Christ. Robin said they say that it's Jesus' brother. Robin said it's been hidden since 2003 but now it's been released and shown around the world. Robin said they say the box may have come from that time but the carving on the case was faked. Robin said they say that they used to leave people in a cave for a year before burying them.
Robin read about a shooting at a house party in Houston, Texas. Robin said two students are dead and others are injured. Robin said that they say that social media may be to blame for this incident. Robin had some audio of an official talking about that.
Robin read about Miley Cyrus lighting up what looked like a joint in Amsterdam during a Euro MTV Awards show. Robin had some audio of her appearance on that show where she lit up. Howard said that did seem pretty desperate. Howard said he was reading about a guy who had 128 plastic surgeries and then he wonders why people give him a hard time but not women who do the same. Howard said he's not sure where you have that many procedures done. Howard said they should have listed all 128. Robin asked if that's the guy who wanted to look like Justin Bieber. Howard said he's not sure.
Robin read a story about a 36 year old woman who was attacked by a cougar at a wildcat haven. Robin said they had a hard time finding the woman in the dark. Robin had audio of the guy talking about that. Robin said she was alone in the enclosure when the attack occurred. Robin said she was dead when the first responders arrived. Howard said that's what cougars do. He said you have to be crazy to go in there. He said if you want to know what it's like to be with a cougar just get a cat. He said they do the same things and don't end up eating you.
Robin had some audio of Lara Logan talking about the case she's involved with. Robin asked Howard if he knows who the father of zombies is. Howard said he knows. He said it's that Romero guy. Robin said it's George Romero. Robin said he's working on a new comic book about Zombies in New York. Robin said he hates that they're so popular right now. Howard said there are too many. He said that the vampire thing is like that now. He said he can't watch that stuff anymore. Robin said Romero is on to a new Zombie project.
Howard tried to take a call but the guy wasn't there. He played a song parody about Gary from Little Mikey. He said he's out of songs about Robin. Howard said this one actually does mention Robin in the song. He sings about Gary seeing Robin naked at the channel 9 show many years ago. Howard said you get the idea. He wrapped up and ended the show around 10:10am.
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Jon said he follows the Steelers. Gary asked Jon if he follows any food. Jon said he does not. Gary said he's not sure why he'd follow a restaurant. Jon said they may have deals or give information about their food. He said that sometimes you're just a fan of the company. He said he doesn't know.
Steve said they talked about this in the back office. He said they follow some brands because they send out discount codes and things like that. He said that Eric may be hoping that they'll send him free stuff. He said he could be wrong about that though. Jon said that's an interesting theory. He said he might have to start following some companies. Gary said he's going to go follow Hersey's after the show.
Jon brought up the story Howard told about not being able to buy anything online. Gary said that he's able to keep all of his information on the computer. Jon said he doesn't like doing that. Gary said he loves that feature. He said he can't type in his name with that dopey apostrophe every time. Gary said that he doesn't get why Jon wouldn't do that. Jon said he doesn't want someone taking his information off the computer if he sells it or something. Gary said he owns the computer though. Jon said he knows that but he doesn't like doing that. Jon said it's something he has to get over.
Jon said he and Gary have been burned online with their credit card. Gary said he wasn't burned with his credit card. He said he got burned in a different way.
Jon asked Gary what Howard is going to do about the money clip. Gary said he's going to send someone to the store to pick it up. He said that he bought a couple of money clips online and he found one he likes. He said that Howard tells him he's doing it all wrong. Gary said he likes the one he has. He said it's nice and thin and that's the way it should be. He said that doesn't work for Howard. Jon said his is by coach and that works for him.
Benjy and Gary talked about that for a minute. Jon said he has a whole system for what he does with his clip but he won't bore them with it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said there is a way to go into the settings to disable the cookies so their information isn't there for people when you sell the computer. The caller said that he knows that it's a pain in the ass to do that stuff each time but they could disable the auto fill and then re enable it each time.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he thinks he has a theory about Eric the Midget following the Cinnibon thing. He said they had her on Undercover Boss and the woman who started the company is a good looking woman. He said Eric might be following her for that reason. Gary asked what that's going to get him. The caller said Eric is following other women and he's not sure he's going to get anything from anyone.
Jon said that Eric follows like 5,000 people on Twitter. Gary said that the woman who runs Cinnibon used to be a Hooters waitress. Jon said maybe the guy had a good theory.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he uses a money clip and a wallet. He said he uses the money clip in some situations but uses the wallet from day to day. Jon said he used to carry pictures in his wallet but he doesn't do that anymore so he doesn't need so much room in there. Steve Brandano said that Eric follows a lot of gun companies and things like that too. They spent a little more time on that and then went to break.
Jon said that Kurt started out on The Shield and he eventually ran the show toward the end. He asked Ronnie if he thought it was cool to have him up there today. Ronnie said it was awesome. Jon asked if he got to talk to him at all. Ronnie said he did in the elevator. He said that he likes the show because they seem to be like every day guys. Gary said they don't seem that way to him.
Jon asked Ronnie if he'd like to be in a gang like that. Ronnie said that he doesn't think he'd be into getting arrested all the time. He said that these guys are getting a bad rap because of those guys out on the West Side Highway that beat up the guy. He said that they're terrorizing people on their ''Jap bikes.'' Jon asked if he started a club what would it be. Ronnie said he's not into that. He said he was asked to join a Corvette club but he's just not into that stuff.
Ronnie said there are guys who hang out in a parking log near him and they have a bunch of cars there. He said there's another club that meets. He said he's been there to check out the cars but he doesn't get involved. Jon asked if he gets noticed in the Pace Car. Ronnie said he has had guys honking at him and trying to take pictures.
Benjy asked if his group The Hitters was a gang. Ronnie said that wasn't a gang. He said they were just playing around. He said they had leather jackets but no insignia on it. He said they wore jeans and beatle boots and that stuff.
Benjy asked if they ever wanted to rumble with other gangs. Ronnie said they had the Collegiate across the street and every once in a while they would clash for some reason. Ronnie said he dated one of the Collegiate girls. Jon said they've heard about her. He still has a place in his heart for her. Ronnie said he won't talk about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who told Gary to check out SOA. He said that it's the best show since The Shield. He said they've got everything in it and it's one of the greatest shows of all time. Ronnie said they have some cool bikes but Jax rides a Harley with a fairing on it. Gary had no idea what that was. Ronnie said it's a protective shield on the front. He said it's kind of a wind deflector. Jon said he's not sure everyone would notice that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's a member of a motorcycle club called the Mohawk Riders. He said that the guys in New York disgust him. He said what they did in traffic was wrong. Gary asked what his bike club does. He said they're a club and they get together of the enjoyment of motorcycles. He said they do poker runs and things like that. Benjy asked if anyone can join. The caller said they have a lot of people varying from old to young and men to women. Jon said he's saying that not all bike clubs are what you see. Gary said he didn't think they were. They had to take a break after that.
Jason was in and told Gary about what Katey's character is on the show and what she's been through. Jon said Gary has to watch from the first season on. Jason said the first season seemed to be the most fun. He said they were partying a lot more then.
Ronnie said they run that show like the military. He said it's kind of military in the way they vote things in and out. He said he loves when they get everyone to the table.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that show was inspired by Hamlet and you can go back and read that and enjoy the show even more. Jason said that it's something Kurt has talked about a lot. He said that he's gotten off the Hamlet track a lot. He said there are a lot of parallels but they've moved away from that lately.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he noticed about 3 years after the show started that more biker clubs were popping up. He said they get their names in the paper all the time now. He said he's not sure if it goes along with that or not but he wouldn't quit his job to be a biker. Gary said he can see getting caught up in that. Benjy said that Kurt did say that the clubs have had a jump in people joining.
Gary said he watched a biker reality show and it was about two gangs. He said that they can't shoot each other on a reality show. He said that he found it pretty boring. He said he'd rather see where they beat the shit out of each other. Ronnie told him he should watch Sons then.
Jon said Kurt was also talking about how everyone has a script out in L.A. Gary said they did a show at the Grammy's once and he got into the car he was being driven in and the driver had left a script for him to read.
Jon said that Kurt was saying you have to write every day and not just one script. Jason said the hottest thing was when Katey implied that she went down on Kurt while he was writing.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie is pretty good on his cars but not with motorcycles. He said that all Harleys come with a fairing other than the Sportsters. Ronnie said that no one he's ever known has had one with a fairing. The caller said he should go check out some of the bikes they have out now and he'll see that they all have fairings. He said that if you ride in the fall you want one to protect yourself. Jason said he was on the Harley web site and all of the bikes on the main page don't have fairings.
Jon said that it's going to be a tough ticket to get but that's what makes it special. Benjy asked if everyone on the show is going to get to go. Gary said he hasn't worked on that yet.
Jon Leiberman was in with a Howard 100 News preview. He gave a quick rundown of the stories they have coming up today. Leiberman is doing Live at 5 tonight and he'll have Hanzi discussing the Toronto mayor and his crack smoking. The guys had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:00am.
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Howard started the show taking a call from a guy who said he wanted to know if he's going to eat whatever he wants on his birthday or is he going to watch his weight. Howard said of course he's going to watch his weight. He said he hates people who lose control on their birthday.
Howard said they're having a birthday party in January and Jimmy Kimmel will be hosting. Howard said that there are protesters who are still protesting Jimmy's show. He said he gave an apology on the air and they're still protesting outside the ABC building. Howard said he's sorry he even apologized once. The caller was laughing under Howard so he hung up on the guy.
Howard said China is a place where you can't say anything. He said he doesn't want to turn this country into that. He said that Jimmy is doing a comedy show and the routine was so ridiculous. He said Jimmy was interviewing young kids around 5 or 6 and this kid answered a question saying that we should kill all the Chinese to get out of debt with them. Jimmy sarcastically said that no one had ever thought of that. Howard said there was nothing to apologize for. Howard said if you don't find it funny then turn to another show. Howard said that this isn't China.
Howard said that if you came here from China then enjoy your freedoms. Howard said Jimmy apologized and now there are people who smell blood and they're circling.
Gary came in and said that they're looking for an apology where he's more sincere. Howard said he should have the 6 year old who made the statement make the apology.
Howard said Jimmy will be hosting his big birthday bash. He said he'll be broadcasting live on January 31st which is a Friday night. Howard said there will be a lot of great surprises. He said they'll have a lot of VIPs there. He said most of them will be fans. He said Gary says he has a lot of VIPs for the party.
Howard said Gary put himself on the line saying that he was going to book all of these people for the birthday show. Howard said he came through. He said they'll have tickets to win starting shortly. He said you can check out their web sites and Twitter feeds to keep up with that.
Howard said Lady Gaga is stopping by this morning. Howard said she has that Steinway set up for her again. He said she may perform a song or two for them. Robin asked if they already asked her. Howard said he's just trying to act like they wing it there.
Howard had Sour Shoes on the phone doing his Lady Gaga impression and singing about Baba Booey. He was also doing his Gary impression. Howard told Sour to do an impression of Gary talking about how he thinks he does things the right way but Howard thinks he does them the wrong way. Sour did that and had Howard and Robin laughing. Sour was going on and on like Gary would and he was clearing his throat and doing a bunch of subtle things that Gary does. He was doing an impression of Gary talking about Steve Brandano and how he was asked not to call him Steve the Intern any more. Then he'd clear his throat like Gary. Robin said she could listen to this all day long. Sour was doing reviews of Android phones and switching gears like Gary does on the Wrap Up Show. He kept saying the number 9 like Gary says it (Noine).
Sour had Robin cracking up. He was going on and on about his vinyl albums and things like that. Howard told him to say that the iPad was a misstep. Sour did that and said that he actually said it was a bit of a stumble. Sour said what they're going to do is bring in noine Steinways for Lady Gaga. He also talked about ''pre-promoting.'' Howard said he has to give him a standing ovation for today. He said he has Gary down so good. Gary said the scary part is that he did almost the entire Wrap Up Show from the other day. Robin wondered how he does that. Robin said that's an amazing amount of detail.
Howard said he wants to thank Steinway for supplying the piano that Lady Gaga will be playing today. He said she says she loves being naked and maybe she'll do that there today. Howard said maybe she'll be self conscious about being naked in front of just a few people though.
Howard said Benjy was seen eating a roll with butter from the machine. Benjy said it was okay. Howard said he's not sure how they have butter in a vending machine. Robin said it has to be refrigerated. Benjy said he doesn't think it is. Benjy said that they have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in there. Howard said he can see that staying in there. Robin said it must be vacuum sealed. Howard said they have a beef char broil in there and they don't call it a burger. He said he's not sure how they put it in a vending machine so long. Fred sad they can't have that stuff in there if it's not refrigerated.
Howard read a list of what's in there and they had all kinds of breakfast foods and things like that. He said they have pancakes with margarine. Howard said they get cycled out almost daily. He said that some can't be big sellers. He said he's not sure how long they sit in there.
Gary said they work in New York city and you can get all of that food locally. Howard asked Benjy why he didn't do that with the roll. Benjy said that it was during the show. Howard said that what happened is that Benjy's food used to be purchased by the Howard TV guys. He said that Benjy was eating pretzels and things while the Howard TV thing was being shut down. Howard said he has a new system there for food. Benjy was eating vending machine food but now he has an intern helping him get his food. Benjy said that it's mike the intern getting him his breakfast.
Howard said yesterday he sat by himself and wrote the pros and cons down. He said he has a lot of pros but 50 billion cons. Howard said it means spending a lot of time in a studio and this and that. He said that they're trying to make it easier for him but there are still questions. He said his dad told him not to do it. He said he has this full time job with his radio show. He said he's on the phone Thursday and Fridays with everyone. He said he's literally torn by this. Howard said he doesn't want to dick them around. He said that he wasn't sure what to tell his agent. He said he was avoiding the phone. He said he thinks that NBC needs the answer quickly but he may have a week to get back to them. He said that he's looking at the schedule and looking at it again. He said it's a whole thing.
Howard said he has hobbies and things like that. He said he wants to see his kids and take vacations. Howard said he isn't sure he wants to spend the next year doing AGT. He said he really doesn't know. The caller said it sounds like he wants to do it. Robin said she didn't get that from what he just said. The caller said he can hear it in his voice and it sounds like he wants to do it.
Howard said he has a vision for what he would do. He said he would bail if he thought he was done. He said that is exciting. He said he thinks he has more judging to do. Howard said he watches the other shows and the people aren't judges. He said he is a judge and he was born to judge. He said he's a fair judge.
The callers said he appreciates what Howard does. He said it was good to have Robin back too. Howard said Robin stared death in the face. He said if she had some freer time she'd want to do her own thing. Robin said she would do the AGT thing. Howard said that's what his decision is then. Robin said she's not sure he'll have that much fun. Howard said he doesn't have fun doing anything. He said someone suggested to him that he's telling himself he's so miserable that it's just become a thing. He said he doesn't even know when he's having fun anymore. Robin said that it looks like he's having fun but then she'll talk to him about it and he sounds miserable. Howard said he's dreading the birthday show already. He said even if he's having fun he doesn't know it. Robin said that he starts to think and he only thinks about what's wrong. Howard said Robin knows him.
Howard said someone said if he's having fun doing it then he should do it. Howard said he had a dream last night. He said it's more of a nightmare. He said he was in Las Vegas in a bathroom and the bathroom was full of shit. He said that he went to pack and then went to the bathroom to clean up and everything was backed up even more. Then he went to another bathroom and that one was even worse. Robin said she doesn't think he wants to do this.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said he doesn't think he should do it. Howard and Fred started doing their impressions of King as soon as Howard picked up. King eventually got to say that he shouldn't do it. He said if he went to a party that was the best party ever he wouldn't want to go back.
Howard said he likes Nick Cannon. He said they do the soul handshake when they see each other. He said he says hi to his brother when he sees him. Howard said he called a black friend ''brother'' and he questioned him on that. Howard said he does that with everyone but you can't do that with a black guy.
Howard said he's never had that problem with Robin. King said that he used to get the look like ''Who is this nigga'' when he'd get on the school bus. He said that they'd stare at him like he was a monkey or something. Robin said a lot of times people are just looking because you're a stranger. King laughed. Howard said that people looked at him like a monkey too.
King said there was a store called Two Guys. Howard said he remembers the store Korvettes. He said that they had really awful stuff there. King said Kohl's took over that image. Howard said he's never heard of that. He said he hasn't been in a mall in 15 years. He said he didn't know what Cinnabon was. King said that shit will put you in a coma. He said they have so much sugar in them. He said you can throw it in the microwave and put extra frosting on it. Howard said he gets the GNC smoothie and he loves it. He said that it upsets his stomach though. He said it's good for you though so he still gets it.
King asked Howard what his favorite meal is. Howard said it's eggplant parmesean and spaghetti. He said they have that once a week and they eat like pigs. He said that he and Beth look at each other after eating it and talk about throwing it up. Howard said he drinks red wine with it. He said that's what he would drink if he could drink anything he wants. He said that's a great meal. Howard said Beth eats frozen pizza for dinner when he's not home. He said Beth will have a glass of wine with that too and she's in heaven. Howard said she eats more than he does. He said it's not fair.
King said he has an announcement to make. Howard asked if he's having a birthday show. Howard said he sounds clear today. King said he got a new phone. He said he had a 4s iPhone and now he has an iPhone 5s. He said he got one for him and one for his wife. Howard said that's a great commercial for iPhones. King said he moved to AT&T from Sprint. He said they let him out of his contract because they don't have any towers up where he lives. Robin said it was the carrier. That's why they couldn't hear him.
King said he's looking forward to the Birthday show. Robin asked why he thinks he's coming. Howard said they have to have him there. King said he loves Gary. Gary said he's going to let him in even if he's a dick to him.
King asked Gary if he gives his wife oral sex. Howard said he does. Gary said he wasn't going to tell King but Howard answered for him. King said sometimes it's real wet and he can tell when she's not in the mood. Gary said he doesn't know what he's saying. Gary said the wet thing has never been an issue. Howard said he never took note of that before.
king told Howard about a battery he got for his iPhone that snaps on the back. He said it's great. Robin said she got one of those too. She said it's very good. Howard said that defeats the whole purpose of the phone. Robin said it's not that much fatter. She said it's longer. King said that the one he has makes it a little fatter. Howard asked how it works. King and Robin told him how you tell the battery when to kick in.
Howard asked King if he jerks off when he's watching his phone. King said he does but he hates that. He said he wants to kill himself when he's done. Howard asked if he does that at work. King said he does sometimes. He said he hates that though. Howard said he has to be in a room with no windows when he does it. King said that they will call him on his phone when he's in the sweeper and he's afraid that someone is going to see him doing it. Howard said he has to go. King said he'll see him at the party.
Howard asked the guy if he thinks he should do AGT. The caller said he hasn't seen him do it yet. He said that he gets tapes of his show and he loves that. Howard asked if he has that post traumatic stress thing. The guy said he doesn't.
Howard asked where he beats off over there. He said he does it in the bathroom. He said you don't get a lot of alone time. He said that you can say you have to shit and you're constipated but that's about it. Howard asked if he's ever beat off while someone else is taking a shit. The caller said he hasn't done that. Howard asked when he last got laid. The guy said it was last night with his girlfriend. He said that his girl sends him some nice pictures so that helps.
Howard asked the caller if he's ripped. The guy said he's only 170 pounds so he's not ripped. Howard asked what kind of guns he gets to shoot. The guy said they're not supposed to talk about that. He said that they aren't supposed to talk about that until they have nothing to do with the military anymore.
Howard asked about the grenade thing. The guy said he gets to carry those and he knows that his grenade was the one that killed the guy. He said they saw two guys get blown up.
Howard asked if they are making any progress over there. The caller said they are making some progress. Howard asked if the people over there thank them for what they do. The guy said that they do get some thanks. He said that there are others who don't want them there. He said it's crazy over there. He said they get rocks thrown at them for being there.
The caller said that he's glad to do this for the people at home. Howard said that he's going back for his second tour in February. He told the guy he has to figure out what to do after the military. The guy said he has a job to go home to when he's back.
Howard said when he was in 'Nam he blew up a few villages. He said he only blew up the children. He said they only blew up children and amusement parks.
Howard said he doesn't have the tickets yet. He said he can't put him on a list yet. He said he's not giving anything out. He said if they can't give him tickets he will give him something. He said this guy is great. His name was Mike. Howard said that he'd put him on hold and said that he has to shake his hand. Howard said the guy is a real man. He said he's just doing his job. Howard said he's such a pussy himself. Howard said that guy is a real man.
Howard asked Eric if he thinks he should do AGT. Eric said he should. He said he should help his friend Mary McCormack out with her sitcom since NBC dropped it so quick. Howard said he doesn't have any clout like that over there. He said he can't control the network. Robin said even Howard is interested in ratings. Howard said they have their own thing. Eric said they didn't give that show a fair shot. Howard said he wanted her show to be successful too. He said that they don't give you a lot of time to make it work. Howard said Mary will be fine. He said that she's a good actress.
Howard took another call after letting Eric go. The caller said he thinks Howard should do AGT again. He said Howard is going to be miserable no matter what he does. He said he's miserable even when he's on an island with Beth. He said they should be able to share in his misery and he should do the show. Howard said he's got a good point there.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Letterman would never do AGT. He said he's better than that. Howard said Jerry Seinfeld was wondering why he's working so hard too. He said he had a good point. Howard said he looks to other people for advice on what to do. He said he thought it would be fun though. Robin said the whole point was that he watches the show and yells at his TV. Howard said he was thinking of quitting just to see who would replace him. He said that would be kind of fun.
The caller said he should do his own kind of show on some other channel. Howard said he doesn't want to do that. That's too much work.
Howard said he wants Robin to decide for him. Robin thought about it and asked a few questions about the travel and things like that. She said she knows he hates it. Robin told him to get a house out in L.A. Howard said he'd still have to pack to go out there. Howard told her to decide. Robin said he's not putting that on her. She said that he'd blame her when he's having a bad time. Howard said that's better than yelling at himself. Robin said she can't be selfish about this. She said she wants to make the best decision for him. She said she's leaning toward yes. Howard said that's just fucking great. He said now he's going to have to do it.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she is a fan of him doing the show. She said that they're up for a People's Choice award this year. Howard said he forgot about that. He said that he knows you have to vote for it. He said it's a popularity vote. The caller said that they should have a best judge award and they should do that instead of the show award. She said they should have Simon Cowell, Howard and someone else. She said that she thinks Howard would win. She said Howard is so good at it and he should do the show. Howard imagined going on stage and accepting the award. He said he'd push Nick out of the way to get to it.
Robin told Howard who they're up against in the voting. Howard said he doesn't even know which one is the better show out of that list.
Howard said he doesn't know what to do. Robin said he has to give himself a deadline. Howard said that was yesterday. He said he still doesn't have a decision. Robin said he can't skip his deadline. Howard said he didn't have an answer. Howard said he had that shitty dream. They went to break after that.
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Howard said Lady Gaga got there an hour early and she's working on her voice to warm it up. Howard said she works harder than some people there. He said he's not mentioning any names.
Howard said that John Gambling announced he's retiring again. Howard said he apparently does that often. He said that he's never met the guy but he did go to his college. Howard said he has to be older than him. Howard said that whole family worked in radio. Fred said that his sons don't want anything to do with it. Howard said they finally broke the cycle.
Howard said it says there that Gambling claims he has accomplished so much in his radio career. Howard said maybe he has. He said he has been on radio in New York for a long time. Howard read more of what Gambling said. Howard said that he claims that he's had a lot of joy. Howard said he can't stand this guy for a bunch of personal reasons. Howard said the guy is retiring on December 20th. Howard said all of radio will celebrate. Howard said it's enough already.
Howard read that he'll be missed. Howard said that it won't be missed over there. He said they claim he entertained people and he doesn't think that's a true statement. He wondered if the guy has ever said anything funny or amusing. Howard said he did a scumbag thing to him and he had no right to do it. Howard said he will never like that guy. He said he didn't have to be a scumbag.
Howard said a lot of people liked Kurt Sutter on the show yesterday. He said he liked him a lot. Howard said he told his wife about Kurt and Katey and she had no idea who Kurt was. Howard said she doesn't watch the show.
Howard read some of the email he got about the interview. someone said they couldn't wait to see him on the show fucking Katey's character.
Howard said someone asked about the photographer that does the Saturday Night Live photos. Howard said he likes what she does. He said he likes pretty much anything he sees. Robin said some famous photographer died the other day but she can't remember his name. Howard said that's the problem with being a photographer. People do forget you.
Howard got an email about his discussion about the wrestling he and David Letterman do. Howard said that he's doing Letterman next Wednesday. He said he'll talk to Dave about that.
Howard read about having Mitt Romney back on the show yesterday. He got some nice feedback about that. Howard said he liked having Kurt Sutter on the show. He said he would like to thank him for teaching them how to be a TV writer. He said now there are 18,000 new TV writers out there. He said Mariann from Brooklyn and Bobo are writing for Sons of Anarchy now.
Howard said Lady Gaga will be in there later. He said she's warming up her voice now. Howard said that the ratings for the Today show went up when Matt Lauer got a prostate exam. Howard said next up he's going to do an exam of Kathie Lee and Hoda. Howard said he's going to bend them over and stick his finger up their asses.
Robin said they should have had Al and Matt's heads sticking out while they were getting the exam. Howard said that face is great. He said he just had his done like 2 weeks ago and it was horrible. He said he doesn't know how Matt had his done in 35 seconds. Howard said it takes a lot longer for him to get it done. He said his doctor, Bob, has to work his way in there. He said he tells him to take shallow breaths and things like that. He said he has to twist his finger in there and it takes like 4 minutes. He said he's not sure how Matt did it so quickly. He said it was crazy. He said Al did look like he had just been raped so it looked real to him.
Howard said he has to ask Lady Gaga if she feels competitive with Miley Cyrus when she does that crazy stuff.
Howard said he was thinking about the Frankenstein conversation they had yesterday. He said that Aaron Eckhart playing the monster can't work. He said that he's thinking of remaking the Hunchback of Notre Dame with Brad Pitt as the Hunchback. Howard said he might make The Mask with George Clooney.
Howard said Robin brought up a story about California trying to get a law passed that would make porn stars wear safety goggles when they have sex on film. Howard said that would be crazy.
Howard said some guy nailed his testicles to the sidewalk in Russia. Howard said he did that to protest the police state they live in over there. Howard said he did that but it was to maintain his place in line at the Apple store. They went to break after that.
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Howard wondered what the neighbors think when they hear that. Mariann's dog was barking through that too. He said people are nuts. Mariann kept screaming and then she disconnected herself. Howard said she went so nuts the phone couldn't take it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's excited about Lady Gaga coming in. He said he never thought he'd say that but after that last appearance he became a fan of her's. Howard said a lot of people said that they didn't even have her on their radar. Howard said people liked when she did the stripped down piano stuff. He told the guy to stay tuned.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he was hoping to talk to Lady Gaga. He said what they should do is have a song parody contest and give away tickets to the winners of that.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she only has eyes for Howard. Howard said she doesn't have any energy left for him now. Mariann said she thinks that Howard is doing another year of AGT. She said that she thinks that Stern Fans should call themselves the Sterniacs. Howard said that's awful. He let her go a short time later.
Howard said this guy uses the N-word in his songs and every other word is the N-word. He said he sat and listened to this the other day. His name is French Montana and his song is ''Ain't Worried About Nothin.'' Howard played some of the song and it was actually the N-word Ain't Worried About Nothin. Howard said that goes on for 3 minutes.
Howard said it was time for Wack Pack clip of the week. He said the winner is Under Dog Lady with Jeff the Drunk and Shuli. Howard played the clip and Underdog Lady was talking about the 50th anniversary of Underdog coming up next year. Underdog heard someone whistling and she was freaking out over whatever it was she was hearing.
Howard said that was the clip of the week. Howard asked Shuli what was up with that. Shuli came in and said that he was going to call them separately but he has never had them on the phone together so he called both. He said he threw it at the wall to see what sticks. He said Jeff is on good behavior with her. Shuli said she started hearing a noise and she always has her TV on watching Little House on the Prairie. Shuli said he asked her about the birthday show and she says that Howard still can't be trusted.
Howard thanked Shuli for the update. He said people are incorporating his fart into a lot of songs. He played one that they did with a Sesame Street song. Howard said he loves the song Center Field by John Fogarty. He said they put the fart into that song too. He played that and the fart did work very well in that song. He had a Cars song that they did the same thing to.
Howard said he has to ask Lady Gaga about doing big shows and if she worries that something could happen to her. He said that guys might get pissed off at a Justin Bieber type and throw stuff at him. He said he has to ask her about that.
Howard played a voice mail he got from an angry listener who was upset about the League of Legends discussion they had. The guy was going off on him about saying that League of Legends wasn't a game. Howard said that this guy is out of his mind. The guy said that chess is like League of Legends and it's not a real game. Howard said he knows it's not an athletic sport. He said that a sport is where you have to get out of a chair at least.
Hanzi had a conspiracy theory about Jimmy Kimmel that he shared with Howard. Howard said he's not sure what his thought was. Robin said that he's saying that this protest is fake and it's to make white people think that their freedoms are being taken away.
Howard said that Hanzi was on with Jon Leiberman and Riley Martin and Ham Hands Bill. Howard said Ham Hands gets on Hanzi's nerves so bad. Howard said this was on Live at 5 with Jon Leiberman. He played the clip and Ham Hands was asking Hanzi about his pot smoking and how he buys it. Hanzi told him to get out of there. He didn't want to answer him. Howard said that's one of the best shows out there right now. He said that was a great moment.
Howard asked Hanzi why he was so upset about that. Hanzi said he wants them to answer his question. Hanzi asked if Lady Gaga is in the secret society. Howard said of course she is. Howard said he recruited her and Justin Bieber. Hanzi asked if he can be at the birthday party. Howard said he has to be there. He said they may have to ask his parents if he can leave the house. Howard said if they give permission then he can come. Hanzi said Howard just wants tape so he can hear their funny accents. Howard said he's not sure if the travel would be good for him.
Howard said he had to go but Hanzi kept asking questions. Howard eventually had to hang up on him and go to break.
Howard came back and said he's excited to talk to Lady Gaga again. He said he has a lot of questions. He said anyone who has that level of success is fun to talk to. He said she has a new album out called ARTPOP. Howard asked if she wrote her song ''Dope'' about him. Gaga came in and said hello to everyone. Howard said that he likes her look today. He wasn't sure if she'd be able to wear headphones with the hair she had today.
Howard said Gaga loves dressing up and playing characters. She asked if they were on the air. Howard said of course. Gaga told Howard that people like women changing outfits in a movie but when you do it in real life it's a different story. Howard said he likes this kind of dressing up.
Howard said he knows she changed her stylist recently. Gaga said that the new stylist is someone who has been working with her for a long time since Monster Ball. She said he was an assistant to the previous stylist. She said she odes change a lot during the day but it's not 12 times. Gaga said that he's also lying about quitting the day he claimed he quit. Howard said he likes wearing a new sweater when he gets something new. He said he gets why she'd want to change.
Howard asked if she's obsessed with making money. Gaga said she's very focused and she is from New York. She said she grew up in New York and her life changed so much and it's such a whirlwind. Howard asked if she obsesses over money. She said that she obsesses more. She said she doesn't want to have money for no reason. She said she wants to earn it. Gaga said that music used to be so much fun. Howard said that it was more important too. Gaga said that they weren't controlled by the format of the station and things like that. She said as an artist all you have is your voice.
Howard said he was talking to Robin about Miley Cyrus this morning. He said that she'll go out and do something really outrageous. Howard said it's like a competition and you have to do more and more insane stuff. He asked if she feels pressure to do that. Gaga said that's not what she does. Howard said he felt like he had to do everything when he was coming up.
Gaga said that there is always tension behind what she's doing. She said that it's there when she performs or when she's being herself. She said that she's not trying to get attention to sell records. She said it's a good time for her right now. She said that it highlights what she does when these other people do what they do.
Gaga said when she wore the meat dress she did that with four soldiers who were dismissed from the military for the Don't Ask Don't Tell thing.
Howard asked Gaga if she wonders why some people don't love her. Gaga said she can live with that. She said she doesn't make music to be worshiped by people. She said it makes her very uncomfortable. She said she just wants to make music and perform. She said that people do want to drive your car to the bank when you make money. She said she is there and she is sending that message to her fans. Gaga said that it's the music that sells albums. Gaga said she feels that her integrity has been at the heart of it all. She said that she would tell people to fuck off no matter what they said about her albums. She said she didn't care what anyone said.
Howard said he thinks that Madonna is jealous of her. He said she's the one who is outrageous and has 40 million Twitter followers. Howard said Madonna knocks her. Gaga said that she guesses she does. She said that she thinks that she's more aggravated that she's not upset that she doesn't like her. She said she really doesn't care.
Howard asked Gaga about being Elton John's kid's godmother. Gaga said that she gets to see them and she likes to spoil them. She said she gets fire trucks for one of the kids. She said that he has trouble recognizing her because she's dressed differently every time. Howard asked if she could buy the kid a real fire truck at this time. She said she could but she thinks that Elton would be upset if she did that.
Howard asked Gaga if she ever goes over and jams with Elton. She said she has before. She said that they don't record it though. She said they probably should. She said they started writing an album together one night. She said they were just having a great time. Howard said someone must have heard it and said it sounded good. Gaga said it's just family usually. Howard asked if she ever pinches herself and thinks about how she's sitting there playing with Elton John. Gaga said it's a weird thing with Elton because she feels like she's known him her whole life. She said he understands her and takes care of her. She said he'll even yell at her for smoking marijuana on stage and things like that.
Howard asked Gaga if she still smokes weed. She said she was smoking a lot but she's not now. She said she just mentioned it recently. Gaga said that you can get addicted to it. She said she was smoking like 15-20 joints a day. Howard asked where she was emotionally with that. Gaga said she's glad they're going to get heavy. She said that she's done with the promotion of this album.
Gaga said she was out of control with her career and she was exhausted. She said she got successful and people were driving her money train to the bank. She said that she's not about the money and people can't figure that out.
Howard said he read that her father gets like 50 percent of her money. She said he just makes sure she's protected and things are taken care of. She said that there are companies that don't front you the money for the promotional tours and he takes care of that. She said that her dad holds on to her money. She said that her money is her family's money. Howard said that could change though. Howard said that keeps her child like and she may want to grow up some day and do what she wants with that money. Gaga said she is terrible with money. She said that it wouldn't be a good thing. She said she knows she can trust her dad. Howard said he knows he could trust his too. He said he gets that.
Howard asked if she has relatives who hit her up all the time. Gaga said she never does. She said that if she does then her mom never tells her about it.
Howard said he never feels comfortable being around famous people. He said he's not sure how he'd handle being around Elton John. Gaga said that it's relieving spending time around him. Howard asked if there's anywhere she can go that she's not recognized. She said she can go hiking and shooting. She said she shoots beer cans with her friends. Howard asked if that's realizing. She said that it can be but she doesn't really like guns. She said that she doesn't mind shooting a can off the porch. She said that's what her friends do so they have fun doing it together.
Howard asked if she's single. Gaga said she's with a guy and not single. Howard asked if she's going to get married. She said that she's not in any rush. She said that she is the center of attention in her job every day. She said the thought of a wedding just exhausts her. She said that her dream wedding is to go to David's Bridal and they all get dressed up and drunk and then go to the court house.
Howard asked Gaga what a guy would have to give up to be with her. Gaga said she's with someone who is an actor on Chicago Fire and he's a great guy. She said she's not worried about him running off. She said that they go days at a time without talking. Then they'll talk every day for a few days. She said that they're both on their own journeys and they get together and have a great time.
Howard asked Gaga if she ever misses the guy. She said she does but they're connected because they're both artists. She said they met on a set working together. Gaga said that she wouldn't want a guy traveling with her all the time. She said that he does his own thing and she does her's. Gaga said it would be like treating your lover like a toy if he followed her around. She said you need to have your own life.
Howard said he's so needy that he has to have someone around. Howard said he read that she was into this guy because he came on to her like a lesbian. Gaga said that a lesbian will be bold and not afraid. She said there is no nervousness and no pick up lines. She said that it's very intimate and seductive. Howard asked if she'll say yes to a woman when she comes on to her. Gaga said she won't do that if she's in a relationship. Gaga said that he has stuck it out with her through a lot. She said he's a lovely, amazing person. Howard said he must love her to put up with the nonsense. She said that she's his baby when he's with her. Howard said he thinks that he'd be jealous of her if she was with another woman. She said that she thinks that would be a possibility too.
Gaga said she's not the type of person who has sex with a lot of random people. She said she's having a good time with this guy. She said that the connection is more than physical. She said they're both very protective of their love and they treat each other very well.
Howard asked Gaga about this Kelly Osbourne feud thing. Gaga said it doesn't bother her at all. She said the feuds are usually very one sided. Howard said Perez Hilton was her friend. Gaga said she really doesn't care at this point. She said that the whole thing was rooted in Madonna. She said no one has admitted to that but it's just silly. She said it's a pissing match and there's this thing with some people that she's a threat to the throne and she doesn't even want that throne. Gaga said she doesn't view herself as a queen. She said she's just like one of the fans.
Howard said everyone watches record sales and they're pitted against each other. Howard said Perez Hilton was her friend and this guy was a supporter of his. Gaga said they were doing an interview and she took 2 days out of her schedule to do an interview for him. She said in the middle of the interview he started asking her rude questions and she felt betrayed. She said she started crying and someone had to pull the camera off of her. She said he apologized but she felt that he was like ''I'm Perez Hilton and I can treat you this way.'' She said she now sees who he is and she doesn't want to hang around with fake people like that. She said she thought he really wanted to change and stop bullying people. She said that she was there for him but then she was sitting there doing that interview and thinking that he's been with her family and eaten with her and couldn't believe he was asking those questions. Gaga said that she was framing them like she was some kind of failure. She said she doesn't care if someone calls her a failure but it doesn't make sense for him to think that he's entitled to harass her on film. She said he tried to move into an apartment next door to her. She said that she was so freaked out that she went crazy on her Twitter. She said her sister was sleeping there and it made her scared and upset. She said Perez claimed that he wasn't stalking her but then he put in two bids on apartments there in the building. Gaga said that you can think that something is on the internet and it's no big deal but these things will come back to you and it's not good.
Howard said that's true. He said you confront someone face to face and it's a whole new reality. Gaga said that she's a human being and people wouldn't ask her this stuff if they weren't on camera. She said she would knock their teeth out of they asked her that stuff in a bar in Brooklyn without the camera.
Howard said Gaga must be fed up with being used. She said she is. Gaga said there are so many young girls who want to be recording artists and she wants to make sure they understand that they're walking into a lion's den.
Howard said Gaga goes in and auditions for some guys and she makes it sound like they want a blow job from her to do something for her. Gaga said it's more than that. She said they tell you that you're amazing and you'll be a star. Then they put their hand on your thigh. She said that was her first experience with adults in the adult world. She said she thought it was normal. Gaga said she's had drug and drinking problems since she got into the business. She said she wasn't able to recover. Gaga said she became a star and everything was great but no one realizes what she went through. She said she was filling the void with cocaine, LSD and everything. She said that you name it and she's tried it. Howard said LSD is the worst. He said he gets what she's saying though. He said you don't think about the people who were fucks to her. Howard asked if she's ever tried therapy. Gaga said she's not angry, she's just in pain. Howard asked if she ever runs into the guys who were rude to her. She said she hasn't.
Howard said L.A. Reid says that she auditioned for him and he took a pass. Gaga said he actually signed her on the spot. Howard said they ended up dropping her though. Gaga said they did but he's always been very nice to her. Howard said that he must question himself about that.
Gaga took off an article of clothing because she was hot. Howard asked if she was getting naked. She said that she's just hot.
Howard asked what happened to her hip. Gaga said that she noticed her body was swollen and she didn't know what was going on. She had been on tour and she was working out more and more and tried to lose the weight. She said everything on her hurt. She said she got bigger and bigger and you can kind of see it in pictures from back then. She said she was very swollen in strange areas. She said she wasn't able to walk at times. She said she was in a wheelchair for a week and a half before. Gaga said that the tour ended and she went to the doctor. She said that she had a crater in her hip and it was almost broken. She said that it must be from the dancing. Howard said it's weird that it happens to someone so young. She said it's common for athletes and performers. She said that her schedule was very intense. She said that they ended up sculpting her hip whit a saw. She said she has video of that.
Howard asked Gaga about taking off her outfit and being in a bra and panties. Howard said that she looks great but he wonders if she's self conscious. She said she's really not. She said she's not sure why people are so conservative.
Howard said he has to ask Gaga about warming up and what songs she plays to do that. He said that he wants to play a song for her so he can ask some questions. He asked her about her song ''Just Dance'' where they have a synthesizer at the start. Howard wondered how they came up with that. Gaga said that she had a sound in her head and they started working and playing with it. She said that song was a long time coming. Howard asked how long it took to write that one. She said it was about 10 minutes. Howard said it's so great when you can write a song in 10 minutes. Gaga said some songs take a lot longer. She said that if she cares about a song like ''Sex Dreams'' she works for 20 hours straight. She said it can be a complicated process.
Howard played some of her song ''Poker Face'' and asked if it's about bi-sexuality. She said it is. Gaga said she was fantasizing about girls during sex so that's where that came from. Gaga said that she didn't like sex for a really long time. Howard asked if she was turned off to men. She said she was. She said that she felt safer with girls.
Howard played another song that Gaga did called Disco Stick and asked where that came from. Gaga said she was writing for the Pussycat Dolls and she came up with that one while she was doing that. She said that writing for them wasn't great. She said they're great girls but she didn't like that process.
Howard asked Gaga if she's had any work done on her face. She said that she was smoking pot and she was getting Botox injections. She said that was just in the past couple of years. Howard said that is going a bit crazy. Gaga said she wasn't in the best frame of mind at the time. She was getting it done at a strip mall.
Howard said he thinks that she's getting prettier and prettier. She said that's all gone now. Gaga said that her friend told her to stop injecting her face with shit. She said they wanted her to look good for her video shoot.
Howard said that Robin Thicke wrote that song ''Blurred Lines'' and got sued by Marvin Gaye's family. He asked if she worries about coming up with a song and coming up with something she's heard in the past. Gaga said that is possible to do a subconscious rewrite. Gaga said that it's different these days when she writes. She said that originality isn't what you think it is. She said that people do things based on things they've seen and heard so you're basing what you do on what has affected you. Gaga said she thinks of herself as a suitcase and she likes to bring things along with her in that suitcase that can go on forever with her fans. She said she teaches them about glam rock and art and things like that.
Howard said he likes the message of her song ''Paparazzi.'' He asked her about that. Gaga said that it was all about chasing fame and chasing the cameras. Howard asked if she enjoys the cameras following her around. She said she enjoys dressing up for them to take great photographs to share with the world. She said she has a good relationship with the Paparazzi. She said she was just over in London and she was leaving somewhere and she was practicing the method of slow walking. Gaga said that she was taking about 10 minutes to walk to her car and one guy asked for her to give an over the shoulder and another guy told him to shut up because she was doing her shit. Gaga said she loved that.
Howard asked if it would be torture if the Paparazzi went away and stopped caring about her. She said she thinks she'll be fine. She said if she can't perform then she'll be dead. She said the fame isn't the thing she wants. She said she likes the performing. She said that's why she wrote the song ''Applause.''
Howard said he heard that she invited some fans to have dinner with her when they broke into her home. Gaga said that's not what happened. She said she was in a house and some people broke into the garage but she didn't invite them in. She said she doesn't even own a house. She said she has an apartment in New York but it's a rental. Howard said she should move in next to Perez Hilton somewhere.
Howard gave Gaga a plug for her new album ARTPOP and said that they're going to take a break and then bring her back in to perform for them. Gaga said she has to pee too. She said that it takes like 30 people for her to go to the bathroom.
Howard asked what she does when someone asks to take a picture with her. She said she takes a lot of pictures every day. She said she doesn't like whining. She said she'll just keep walking if someone is doing that. Howard asked if she turns down picture requests. She said she'll never get time to herself if she stops every time.
Howard asked what she does when she's not performing. Gaga said she watches crime documentaries and eats Chinese food. She said she loves art books and fashion books too. Howard asked if she ever denies being Lady Gaga just to get someone to leave her alone. She said she'll do that sometimes but then they'll start walking away and turn back to her and she'll start singing ''Ra Ra...''
Howard asked Gaga About this song she wrote for the Pussycat Dolls and they didn't use it. Then Britney Spears recorded it but didn't put it out on her album. Gaga said that she ended up getting the song. Howard asked how she got it back. Gaga said it wasn't that hard to get it back. She said she had to convince the producer that she could do it. Gaga said that she ended up getting the song back. That song was ''Telephone.''
Howard asked Gaga about Michael Jackson. Gaga said it's so sad that he's not here anymore. She said that she didn't know him but she feels like she did. Gaga said he was such an inspiration to her. She said that she feels like the world killed him with all of the accusations. She said he was so famous that he couldn't even go out anywhere. Gaga said that she urges people to consider the difference between an artist and Kim Kardashian or any reality show star. She said that the truth is that artists are in the business for very different things. Howard said putting Michael Jackson in with Kim Kardashian is wrong. Gaga said people are being harassed over things and it's just not right. She said that they don't get treated fairly. Gaga said they have to treat and look at artists and celebrities differently.
Gaga said she bought Michael Jackson's tour clothes because she knows what her's mean to her. She said that she thinks that they carry the energy and spirit of the fans. She said that it's not about what they're worth at all. She said it just means so much to her. She said she was upset that they were selling the clothes and she wanted to buy them to save them. Gaga said she wanted to buy as many as she could get. She said that she takes care of them and keeps them preserved. She said she'll put them in a museum or something.
Howard said that she has to go to her father to get the money for that. He said that goes back to the beginning of the interview. Howard said she has earned that money to buy whatever she wants. Gaga said her parents supported her and paid for her piano lessons and things like that. Howard asked if it would be disrespectful if she went out and bought that stuff on her own. She said that she's done that. She said that he just keeps that stuff in check. She said that's her dad and he's watching out for her.
Howard said Robin read a story about Paris Jackson possibly cutting herself. Gaga said that mental health is a real thing and you have to make sure you know how your kids feel. She said they have to tell you everything about what's going on in school. She said teen depression is out of control. She said that she's met with a lot of families whose kids have killed themselves in their bedrooms.
Howard asked Gaga about hearing voices in her head. She said she hears voices and songs in her head all the time. She said they're not telling her what to do. She said that it's just sounds and emotions. Howard asked if it's distracting. She said it is and it's very chaotic. Howard said that's probably why she smoked pot. She said that's exactly why. She said after a couple of joints it was all shut off.
Howard asked if she thinks of herself as a musical genius. Gaga said that's not healthy. She said she can't think of herself that way. Howard said he's going to take a break and then have her perform. Gaga said she had to pee so bad. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Lady Gaga has a new album out and she's sitting at the piano now. Howard asked if she peed. She said she did and she let out a big sigh of relief.
Howard said they got a question from a fan asking if she has ever been treated like a dick by any celebrity she wanted to meet. Gaga said she has been disappointed before. She said she didn't want to say. Howard said it's okay to say it's him. She laughed and said it was Howard Stern.
Howard said Gaga has worked with Rick Rubin and he wonders why so many people like him. Gaga said he wants to hear her play for hours and hours. She said he believes in her pure talent. She said that they think that she's not an artist because she's blonde and has tits and an ass. She said Stevie Nicks is like that and she's an artist. She said that she has met her and she's great. Gaga said she wasn't let down by that meeting. She said they had drinks and hung out.
Howard asked if she has regular friends or are they all celebrities. She said she has tons of regular people in her life. She said they treat her like a regular person too. Howard asked if she writes her songs on the piano. Gaga said she hears them in her head so they're not all done on the piano. She said she likes to piece things together and that's how she did this new album.
Howard asked Gaga about what she plays to warm up. She said she has vocal warm ups. She did some of them for Howard. She said she has been with her teacher for over 10 years. She said that she had him warm her up this morning before the show. Howard said that's dedication. Gaga said for her the most awesome thing for her is that her voice was great through the Monster Ball tour. She said her hip blew out but her voice was fine. She said she was really badly hurt but she had insurance. She said she wanted to perform for her little monsters and she felt really bad about canceling. She said she doesn't like some of their behavior on the internet though. Gaga said anyone who talks to people in a negative way it going against her message. She said they're not being true. Gaga said that they don't have to defend her. She said she'll be fine. Howard said they're very protective of her. Gaga said a few years ago people were taking shots at her and her fans felt for her and they were defending her.
Howard asked if any of them become her friends. She said she has one named Emma who was with her last night at an award show. Howard asked how she met her. Gaga said she met her on the Born This Way Ball and before the shows they'd give free food away. She said she met Emma there. She said she's been in a wheelchair her whole life. She said she was sitting with her and Emma asked if she was okay because she knows how much they appreciate what she does and how hard she works. Gaga said she told Emma that her body was just sore and Emma told her that she was in pain all the time. She said she has hip dysplasia and it's very uncomfortable for her. She said she has such a great outlook on life though and she speaks to her like a real person. Gaga said she ended up finding out what was wrong with her and she reached out to Emma and ended up helping her out getting surgery so she wasn't in so much pain all the time. Gaga said she's such a great girl. Gaga said she wants to help people out and she's just sweet.
Howard asked what this song Dope is about. Gaga said she wrote it when the Born This Way Ball was ending. She said that it was about not wanting to leave her fans. She said it started that way but then she was finishing the album and thought about how the fans like ballads because Lorde is on the radio. She said that she went in to write a ballad so that's when she came up with this song. She said she got very emotional and she realized she wanted to say she was sorry to her family, boyfriend and fans for getting so sad and depressed by the industry. She said she started doing a lot of drugs and that's where the Dope title came from. Howard told her to take it away after that. She performed her song ''Dope'' after that.
After the song Howard said he loved that. He said it was beautiful. Howard said that the people in her life meant more to her than dope. Howard said that she should have gone to talk to someone about her smoking. She said that some people can't get past who she is and she can't do that.
Howard asked Gaga about why she mentioned Bell Bottom Blue in the song. She said that she imagines that being the first song played at her wedding some day. She loves that song.
Howard said he can't believe how powerful her voice is. He asked when she realized she had that power and range. She said she was maybe 11 or 12. Howard asked if people were saying she was a prodigy. She said she was very good at piano and the singing was secondary. She said she doesn't know how that changed.
Howard said it must be great to be able to sing and perform the song. He said Robbie Robertson from The Band had to hand his songs over to Levon Helm. Gaga said that he probably loved being a song writer too. She said there are singers who have great voices to her but aren't great singers.
Howard asked if Gaga thinks she's up there with Elton John with her piano playing. She said that she needs time to rehearse. She said she's still going to perform while she's off. She said she'll still go to clubs and play. Howard said he went to a party once and Elton did a full concert in a living room. Howard asked if she would do that. Gaga said it depends on what's going on. She said that some people do that kind of thing for the money and not for the fans.
Howard asked what song she's going to do next. Gaga said she's going to do ''Gypsy.'' she said she'll sing this one to Howard. She said she doesn't want to spoil what it's a really about for the fans. She said that it's about everyone. Gaga said the fans are great to her and they make her feel so warm and welcome when she shows up. She said she doesn't really have a home so that's why it's so great. Gaga said that the cover of the album is so nice. She said that they did a very special thing for the first 500,000. She said they hand cut the foil on the front. Howard said that's what albums used to be like. He said they were so special years ago. Gaga performed her song ''Gypsy'' a short time later.
After the song Howard said he was enjoying the moment. He said he doesn't want to forget this moment. He said he doesn't see her that often and that meant a lot to him. He thanked her for doing that for him and his audience. Gaga said that she appreciates him having her on and she loves singing for him. Howard said her voice is so powerful. He said Katy Perry writes her songs with a team of people and it's like a business. Howard said that a lot of these people are writing in teams but Gaga writes all of her own stuff. She said she works with producers but they don't have a team of people working on her record. Howard asked if she ever thought of doing that. Gaga said no. She said it sounds contrived to her. She said you can hear that too. She said that she doesn't like to knock what other people do either.
Gaga said she thinks she's good at hearing what other people are good at. She said she worked with a lot of young kids who are DJs and known for their complex music. She said she worked with Paul who isn't that young and she can hear him laughing now. She said she hears people saying they want to make her record the biggest thing ever and that's not what she's looking for.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that the sound quality over the radio was amazing. She said she wasn't a fan before but she loved what she just did. Howard said she was great today. Gaga asked if that call was real. Howard said he really just plunked down the phone.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she has loved Gaga from day one. She said that she took it all in and it was great. She said she loves her. Gaga said that was so sweet.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was never a big fan but she's such a great singer. He said he's a big fan of her's now. Howard said after her last appearance people were mesmerized by her. Howard said that they'll all check out her new album ARTPOP.
Robin asked Gaga if she's going to stop performing for a year. Gaga said she's going to keep performing but not as much. She said she has a gift to give Howard. She said she wanted to make a donation to the animal rights league of his choice. Howard said they're in the middle of raising money to build a shelter for the North Shore Animal League. Howard said they have a house full of kittens right now.
Gaga said that PETA is violent toward people so she won't donate to them. She said there is so much we can do to come together. She said she has worn leather and fur at times and she's thought about that a lot. She said that they euthanize a lot of animals a year so she wants them to understand this issue. She said she does care about it and she'd like to make a donation. Howard said that will go a long way to the building of this shelter. He thanked her for that.
Howard asked Gaga about one of her dogs dying. She said she was so upset about that. She said she wasn't there for the dog and she had to put her down. She said it had cancer. Gaga said that a fan gave her a snow globe that had her picture in it and she broke down crying when she saw it. Howard said his dog died and it was a mess. He said it's still a mess. Gaga said this was some way to end the interview. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he was just sitting there bullshitting. He didn't know the commercials were over. Howard said it's 10 after 10 and they went over 2 hours with Gaga. He said that was something else. Robin said she just had the most amazing time. Howard said she's one of the biggest stars in the world and you get caught up in her story and the music and he appreciates her honesty. He said he thought she was terrific. Robin said she sits down and sings and tears your heart out. Fred said she can really sing. Fred said Robin might be a little monster now. Robin said she was a little monster long before.
Howard took a call from Jim in Raleigh who said that Gaga has such sex appeal in her music and attitude. Howard said he liked what she did today. Jim said you can tell she's a big fan of Howard's too. Howard said she must want him. Robin said everyone does. Jim said she tweeted out about Howard and said that he was in her sex dreams. Howard said of course. Howard said he was dreaming about a bathtub full of shit. Jim said that's horrible.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Lady Gaga sounded great. He asked if she'll show up to the birthday party. Howard said that was a gift right there today. He said he's not sure if she'd come to the party. Howard said she was in a bra and panties the whole interview. Robin said it wasn't panties. She said they had sequins on them. Howard said he thinks of Robin as an artist so she should strip down too.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he knew it was going to be a great interview and that's what it was. Howard thanked him for that.
Howard said Mike Tyson will be in tomorrow. He said they'll be talking to him. Robin said that's wonderful. Howard had Fred play Robin into her news with a song parody from Little Mikey.
Robin had some audio of Sarah Palin talking to Matt Lauer on the Today show about the Tea Party and Obamacare. Matt was asking Sarah what their plan is if they don't want Obamacare to happen. Palin said they need to reform health care. She was going on and on about how it's the left that's keeping the republican party from doing what they want. Robin said she has no plan and she did a bait and switch there. Robin said they talk about defunding it and repealing it but they never have another plan. She said that's it.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that they adopted a dog 15 and a half years ago and they decided today that it was time to put her to sleep. She said the conversation they had about North Shore brought her to tears. Howard said she was for real about the donation too. He said she asked for the information. Gary said he took care of it. He said he sent a note to Beth and gave the publicist the address so they can work that all out.
Robin read a story about how Jonathan Martin may be done with the Miami Dolphins after what he claims Richie Incognito did to him. Robin said that the owner of the team says that he's set to meet with Martin this week and he'd like this all to go away. Robin had some audio of Joe Namath talking about what's going on and some audio of the coach too.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she wanted to thank him so much for Lady Gaga. She said she made her cry with her songs. Howard said that it really was beautiful. Robin said she was tearing up too. She said she couldn't look at her.
Robin read a story about a distorted speech during a football game and how they're trying to blame it on the equipment. Robin had a clip and it sounded like the woman was drunk while she was speaking.
Robin said today is 11/12/13 so some people are getting married on this day. Robin said that they think it's lucky numbers so they're marrying on this date. Howard said he can't imagine arranging a marriage around a date like that. Howard said people are insane.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who asked why he didn't pick up earlier. Howard said he didn't even see him up there. He said he can't pick up on everyone. Jeff said he wanted to propose to Robin. Howard said he wants to stay home while Robin goes to work. Jeff said he just wanted to say that Gaga sounded beautiful. He said he wanted to know if she likes sucking dick and if she swallows. Howard said the right time for that would have been right after that song ''Gypsy.''
Robin read about the storm in the Philippines and how whole towns were wiped out by it. Robin had some audio of someone talking about what we're doing to help. Robin said there's a lot of looting going on down there. She said that they're watching that down there and saying that it's not part of the culture there.
Robin read about Veteran's day celebrations and what the President was doing yesterday.
Robin read about a new shower concept that a guy designed. Robin said that the shower recycles the water and it can be reused without being reheated. Robin said that's a great idea.
Robin read about snow happening in the north east and the temperature dropping. Howard said he hates that. He said that the winter is the worst. He said you have to hibernate. Howard said he's not sure why they stay there. He said people who live in warm areas are geniuses. Howard said man in general should live where it's warm.
Robin read a story about a band that was shot and killed by a band mate. Robin said that three of the members were killed. Robin had some music from the band Yellow Dogs. Howard said they were an Iranian band. He said he's not sure what the fuck is going on in that song though. He said he feels bad for those guys.
Robin read about Hillary Clinton having a lead on Chris Christie in the polls right now.
Robin said the new iPad Mini is available to purchase online. Howard said you can't get the thing though. He said he hates that they do that. He said he wants one but he doesn't want to wait for 10 days. He said they should just put it out when it's ready. Jon Hein came in and said that they're saying that it may be popping up in stores today but they're not promoting it. Howard said he doesn't want to play their games like that. Howard said he knows it's a marketing strategy but he doesn't want to be played.
Howard said that they have to come up with more innovation. He said the thumb print thing doesn't work on his phone. He said it doesn't open up 90 percent of the time. Robin and Jon said they use it and it works fine. Robin said she has multiple fingers set up in it. She said she can show Howard how to do it.
Robin read a story about a Rabbi who bought a desk that they found $98,000 in. Robin said it was in a plastic bag in the desk. Robin had some audio of the guy talking to the original owner about what they found. The guy gave the money back to the previous owner who had stashed inheritance money in the desk.
Robin read about Rupert Murdoch finding a new romantic interest. Robin said that his massage therapist is his new woman. Robin said Murdoch left his wife after she jumped in front of someone who threw a pie at him. He felt that she made him look weak and he didn't like that. Howard said she should have just let it happen. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:40am.
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Jon said that one of the things he loves is when Howard is contemplating a major decision on the air. He said that he really is thinking about doing AGT and talking to Robin about it. Jon said he doesn't know where he'll come down with that. Jon said he does seem to love doing the show when he's doing it but then he does all of the other travel and all of that and he doesn't enjoy that. Jon said that Howard is having dreams of bathtubs full of crap because of that.
Jon said Howard said he realized he doesn't have much fun doing anything. He said Robin has to make him aware of when he's having fun. Jon said he may be miserable doing what he's doing. He said it's a very complex mind that their boss has. Gary said that it is very complex.
Jon said that Howard did make a statement about how he worries about so much during the show but today he just sat back and enjoyed Lady Gaga. Gary said he's always worrying about the show and he can sit back now more than he could in the past. He said they have engineers running the board for Lady Gaga.
Gary said he doesn't want to push Howard too much about the AGT thing. He said he thinks that he should do it because it's good for the show. He said he didn't feel the enjoyment he felt the year before. He said he thinks it was a bit of a chore at times. He said that career wise it was good. Jon said he thinks he enjoys meeting different fans too. He said that you don't see the travel and the auditions. He said it is a job. Gary said he has to work a certain amount of days and they add up. He said they may ask him to do an extra day here and there and it adds up.
Gary said Howard has cut his schedule down on radio and now he's working more on AGT. He said he's still waiting for that time when Howard can relax. Jon said he thinks that's what Howard is battling now.
Gary said people think that Howard can't retire. He said that's what he thought until 5 or 6 years ago. He said getting up at 3 or 4 in the morning isn't natural. He said he thinks Howard would like not to work sometimes. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
High Pitch Mike came in so Jon talked to him about the first time Gaga was there. Mike said he thought that might be the first and last time. He said she fortunately came back. He said it was two icons talking. He said she's the most talented musician out there right now. Jon said that she came out with some very interesting things today. Gary said she's very good about that. She was willing to talk about anything. He said she was talking about the Perez Hilton thing and that seems to be a big pain in her ass right now.
Jon asked Mike if she still has a major influence in his life. Mike said she does. He said she was outside signing autographs for people out in the snow this morning. He said you don't see that very much with big celebrities like that.
Gary said Gaga is like Oprah to the gay community. He asked Mike if he's ever hooked up by saying he's met her. Mike said she's never used that to get laid. Benjy said he would bet that you don't need a line in the homosexual community. Gary said he had a very close encounter with Lady Gaga and he could probably use that.
Jon asked Gary what he would do. Gary said if he could use it he would. He said it's like having Oprah on the show and crying with her. He said he could use that to get laid.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Gaga doesn't seem fake at all. He said sometimes they'll have a guest in who doesn't come across as genuine. He said she comes across very genuine. Gary said at the end of the day she was at a Steinway piano and she has a lot of talent. He said you may not like the music but she has the talent. Jon said she can play. He said the last time she came in everyone was saying how great she was when she performed. He said he thinks it shows a side of her that they don't usually see.
Mike said that she respects music and she studies what she does. He said she talked about Michael Jackson and that was great. Jon asked if he can understand why she spent money on Michael's clothes. Mike said he gets it. Gary said she was talking about how she wanted to take care of his stuff. He said she wasn't just doing it to collect it. Benjy said that she also said she wanted the energy from it. Mike said he's going to go to Brooklyn just to look at the Madonna cone bra. He said that it doesn't inspire him or anything but she has iconic clothing too.
Gary said his favorite thing Gaga wore was in the video for Telephone and her glasses were made of cigarettes that were lit up.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that his opinion is going to be different than the others. He said that down south they don't hear alternate views like that. He said Howard is great at interviewing and that was an amazing interview. He said that he's not into that type of music but he can't help but to love her genuine personality. Gary said he thought the most interesting thing was when she was on the first time and people thought they were going to hate her and they ended up loving her. Gary said it's like eating broccoli and loving it after thinking you'd hate it. He said it just shows you can't judge a book by its cover.
Jon took a call from a guy who said the interview was awesome at 2 hours long. He asked if they aren't filming Howard TV right now. Gary said that's correct for now. The caller said that it would be worth a whole month of service payment just for that one interview.
The guys spent a little more time talking about Lady Gaga before going to another break.
Benjy asked if she learned anything new about Gaga today. The caller said she did learn that she doesn't smoke pot anymore. She said that was a nice surprise. She said that her fans follow her to the end of the earth and last year she was the Queen of Weed for Halloween so that's good for the younger fans.
Jon asked if the guys were ever that big of a fan of someone that they'd call themselves a name like little monster. Gary said he's a great admirer of Bruce but that's about as far as he'd go. Gary asked Jon if he's ever done anything like that. Jon said he's more of an admirer than anything. Gary said Jon would probably follow Rush on Twitter but that's about it. Jon said he actually does follow Rush on Twitter now.
Jon said that Gaga was talking about how she doesn't want to be the center of attention and Howard can relate to that. Gary said he's not sure Howard doesn't want to be the center of attention. He said he's sure he likes it both ways though. He said you can't choose when that will happen though. Benjy said he thinks that it would be easy for Gaga to disguise herself.
Jon said Sour Shoes has his impression of Gary down. Gary said he really took all of his mannerisms and things he says. He said that he did recreate last week's Wrap Up Show and he recreated that.
Ronnie came in so Jon asked him if he's a little monster. Ronnie said he likes her music. Jon said that Ronnie is a big fan of Cher. Ronnie said that Lisa G put up a mug shot of Cher, on Twitter, from when she was 13 years old and he's not sure why she tagged him in it. He said someone said she might just be looking for attention. Gary asked what she was arrested for. Ronnie said he didn't read about that. He said he just saw the picture up.
Jon asked Ronnie about Howard not having fun when he should be. Ronnie said he didn't hear that part of the show. Jon asked if he thinks that he needs help enjoying things. Ronnie said that Beth seems to help him. He said he used to play chess but he doesn't do that anymore.
Jon asked Ronnie what he would suggested to Howard about his AGT thing. Ronnie said that he thinks that it's good for the radio show. He said that he's showing he's not the lunatic guy that people think he is. He said it's up to Howard if he wants to do it. He said it's good for the radio show and he thinks he should do it.
Jon asked if it's good for Ronnie too. Ronnie said it's a whole other job but he likes it. He said He thinks Howard should do it because they all need another job. Jon thanked Ronnie for that. Gary said he read what Cher did and all she did was take her mother's car for a drive when she was 13. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done around 11:20am.
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Howard started the show talking about how much he had to talk about. He said Mike Tyson is stopping by today. He said he wrote a book (''Undisputed Truth'') with Ratso. He said there's no shortage of stories there. He said there's some crazy stuff in the book.
Howard said Adam Levine may or may not be stopping by. He said Gary was talking to him yesterday and he asked to stop by for a half hour if he gets in on time. He said he may come in if his flight gets in on time. Howard said they'll be having some fun today.
Howard said he got a lot of email about Lady Gaga yesterday. He said he listened back to some of the interview. He said that her music was great. He said that it really shows the wannabes from real talent. He said that her new songs were very good. He said that her voice is very moving. Howard replayed her performance of ''Dope'' from yesterday's show.
Howard asked how many people can sit at a piano and do that. Robin said there are a few but they don't get to see them. Robin said you can go to little town and hear people like that at churches. Robin said they don't want to be stars. Howard said he thinks they do.
Howard said he had a lot of complimentary emails about her performances. Howard read through a few of those. One 53 year old guy said he cried. Howard read some from people who said that she's not like the media portrays her out to be. Howard said they were saying she comes off very grounded too. Howard said that's great to get that kind of praise.
Howard said Sour Shoes got a lot of praise too. Howard read a couple of those emails about how great he was doing his Gary impression. Howard said that impression really is amazing. Robin said a lot of people have tried but Sour Shoes is the only one. Howard said it's one of the best impressions out there. Fred said he gets the Gary speak. Howard said it's right up there with Fred's Herman Munster.
Howard said a lot of people are telling him what to do about America's Got Talent. Howard said that a lot of people think he should do it. Others don't want him doing it. Howard said he does love doing the show. He thinks it's fun. He's not sure he enjoys it enough to give up free time. Howard said he honestly doesn't know what he's going to do.
Robin said Howard weaves an interesting life for himself. She said even this is structure for his life. She said that everything is agony. Howard said a friend told him that he's been in agony so long he's forgotten what it's like not to have it. Robin said he milks it and he's gotten good at it.
Howard brought up the vending machines there and how they have meats in them now. Howard said someone wrote in about how they may be packaged like MREs. Someone said that they're refrigerated machines but Howard said they're not. Gary said it is refrigerated. Howard said he was told it was not. Gary said that it's still taking something out of there that you don't know the age of. Howard said that you don't know.
Howard read some email about Robin and how she has to beg the republican's for forgiveness for what they've done for her. Robin said she never said she hated republicans. Howard said she votes for them. He said she voted for George W. Bush. Robin said she has and that's part of her shame.
Fred played some Richard Simmons clips where he's yelling for Gary. Howard said he should get a buzzer that plays that clip. Robin said that's what his ringtone for Gary should be. Howard said he calls him plenty.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he has to get a pipe up his dick for possible bladder cancer. Howard said he had a urine test and they said that it was inconclusive for melanoma. Howard said he's always afraid he's dying. Howard said he had something else wrong with him and he was crying. It turned out he had nothing. He said this is probably nothing.
Bobo said he has to get a tube up his dick and they don't put you out for it. He said that they put Novocaine on it but that's it. Gary said it's a catheter. Gary said he had it but he was knocked out for it. Gary said when they went to pull it out it was tough. Gary said that they sprayed it with Novocaine and they pulled it out. He said the doctor told him to stay still. He said he had to yank it out and it just feels weird. Howard said that was for kidney stones. Gary said that's right. Gary said that they say that it was from caffeine and iced teas and stuff. Howard said he wouldn't want that thing up his dick. Gary said he doesn't drink anything but water now.
Howard played a clip of Bobo leaving a message for Gary when he thought he was dying. Bobo thought he had a lesion on his kidney and he thought he was dying. He asked Gary to say a prayer for him. He said he was really scared and he was near tears.
Bobo told Howard he has no symptoms for this. Gary said he has to try not to think about it until he gets his tests done. Gary said that he's going to go to bed every night thinking about it. Gary said he could probably get put out for it but his insurance may not pay for it.
Bobo said that he has to get into the birthday show. Howard said they don't know if he's even going to be there. Howard said that Bobo thought he was going to die when the Mayan prophecy was going to happen. He said Bobo puts himself through such torture. Bobo said they planted that seed in his head and he thinks it's going to happen.
Howard played more of Bobo's message to Gary where he was crying over the liver thing. Howard laughed. He said Bobo lived through all of that.
Gary said he has a friend who wanted to be knocked over the head before he had a catheter put in. Howard said he has to do it like Johnny Knoxville who doesn't let anything bother him. He said he's super macho or crazy. Robin said she thinks crazy is the term. Howard said he ash to be like Chuck Zito and just be a man.
Howard said he's not sure how they'd get anything in his dick. He said his is so small he'd be afraid of that. Gary said he had his pants around his ankles while a nurse was in the room. He said that's not fun. He said he's sure she's seen it all though.
Howard said his biggest fear is having a woman see his penis during that procedure. Gary said he was working with Howard for like 3 months when he had to get his catheter. Howard said Gary has a nice sized dick though. He said he shouldn't be afraid to show it. Gary said he doesn't want anyone seeing it no matter what size it is. Gary said Richard has a small one but he has no problem showing it.
Howard said he went to a doctor who told him he needed to see a pediatrician when he saw how small he was. Howard said he has a penis but it's not nearly enough. He said when he's hard he's bigger than all of them there. Howard said he would like to have what Gary has. Gary said when he's walking around it can get really small when it's cold out. Howard said Gary is pretty big from what he remembers. Gary said he must have a bad memory about that. He said he's not that big. Gary said that some days he wonders where it went. He said some days it's okay.
Bobo asked how long he had to wait to have sex. Gary said it depends. Howard asked Bobo if he's into sex that much. Bobo said he and his wife do alright. Gary asked if he takes the wig off at night. Bobo said it never comes off. Howard said it's like wearing a hat all day and night.
Howard said he was looking at his pubes and how long they get. He said it's unfair that guys lose their hair on top and they still have a bush down there. He said that you need a weedwacker to get through the hair down there. Howard said it's odd that the hair leaves there and not the rest of your body. Gary said Jason has hair all over his body and he's going bald. Howard said he's like a big, fat ape.
Gary said that Jason went to get his back waxed and they told him that they had to charge him double. Howard said they should be able to stretch the bush around your cock on your head. He said it's so weird that it happens to the top of your head. Howard said it's crazy. Robin said God must be a jokester.
Howard said that his hair down below grows like a weed. He said sometimes he'll cut it down but then his penis looks like a baby chicken. He said it's really weird. Bobo said that he must get more girth when he does that. Howard said he gets less. He said with the hair he looks like an adult. Gary said he thinks Bobo meant length and not girth. Bobo said that's it.
Bobo said he has to get an ultrasound. Howard said that's what women get. Gary said he had to get that too and he had to get it in the same room where pregnant women get it.
Howard asked Bobo if they can get to this sooner. Bobo said they mentally torture you. Howard said maybe he's going to a shitty doctor. Bobo said he has someone who is good. Howard said he can see him going to a guy who doesn't even have a medical degree. Bobo said he goes to Dr. Baker. That's Howard's doctor. Howard said Bobo is a fucking nut. He said that he does everything he does. Bobo said he has to have the best. Howard said he is a good doctor. Howard said he's creeped out that he goes to his doctor. He said he's like a stalker.
Howard asked if Bobo told Dr. Baker that he's on the show. Bobo said he knows. Howard asked if he talks to Baker about him. Bobo said he never does. Howard said this is really creeping him out. He said he's not happy with the people where he's at so he has to go to Dr. Baker.
Howard said Bobo showed up at the hospital when his daughter Emily was being born. Gary said Bobo says he never drops Howard's name but he did that to get an appointment with Dr. Baker. Howard said Bob should have told him to wait another 2 years when he did that.
Howard said that when Emily was born Bobo showed up at the hospital and he kicked him right out. Bobo said he went up with Howard's parents.
Ronnie came in and said that they had Slomin's as a sponsor. He said Bobo had a problem with his system and he ended up banging on the guy's door to fix it. Bobo said they couldn't get the alarm system right. Howard asked it was such an emergency he had to do that. Bobo said the alarm was going off every 2 minutes. He said they assigned someone to his house after that.
Howard said Bobo snuck in with his parents at the hospital when his daughter was born. He said that's weird. Ronnie said there were a couple of other people who showed up too. Dominic Barbara was one. Ronnie said there was another whose name he couldn't remember.
Howard said showing up to the hospital is really weird. He said you know he doesn't have cancer. Ronnie asked what kind of cancer. Bobo said it could be bladder.
Howard told Bobo he'll be fine. He said Robin came right through her thing just fine. Ronnie said Robin is strong though. Ronnie said they have to be careful with that catheter. He said they can really screw things up in there with that. He said they told him that they could fuck up his cock if they had to go in there. Bobo said they say they do them all day long. Howard told him not to listen to Ronnie. Ronnie said that's what the doctor told him. Howard said that Bobo shouldn't listen to that story.
Howard thanked Ronnie for coming in and let him go. Howard told Bobo to say hi to his doctors when he sees them. He let Bobo go after that.
Howard played a prank call that Sal and Richard made to a radio show using the Bobo message where he says he might have a lesion on his liver.
Howard said the beauty of that call was that they kept him on even though Bobo was cursing. Howard said they were desperate for a good call. Howard said they didn't know what to do. Howard said he has no idea if Bobo is going to be okay but he thinks he's comforted hearing that from him.
Howard took a call from Captain Janks who said that he loves Bobo but he wonders how much stuff he's doing that he doesn't know about. Howard said he knows, it's weird. Janks said he might be contacting other people in his life. Howard said his youngest daughter is 20 years old now and he remembers Bobo walking into the hospital that day. He said that was really weird.
Janks said he's his biggest fan but he'd just stay out of his life. Howard said you'd think that a famous guy would know what's good but you really don't know. He said that he has people asking him who he uses and he doesn't know if he's using the right person. He said there are people who know less about what's right than other people. Howard said Dr. Baker is very good but Bobo just wants to be involved with all of his people. He said that's just weird.
Janks said that Lady Gaga was really good yesterday. He said he got her new album off of iTunes. He said it's great. Howard said he had to just stop doing everything and listen to her song. Robin said she had to do the same thing. She said she had to just focus on her performance. Howard said he just had to stop and see someone with a rare talent sitting about 10 feet from him playing piano and singing. He said he had to pay attention. He thanked Janks for the call and went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said he's not sure what this song is about. He asked Fred if he does. Fred didn't either. Howard sang along with the song a little bit. He said that's a good song.
Howard said he has a lot of stuff to play. He said Jenna Jameson said she was never going to do porn again but she's going back. Howard had some audio of her saying she wasn't going back way back in 2008 at the AVN awards. Jenna said she would never spread her legs again in that industry and she got booed. Howard said he tried to tell her that it never ends well. He said once you're in it's tough. He said there are no happy endings. Robin said there's a documentary called ''After Porn'' and it's very sad to watch. Robin said Houston is in it. Howard said that might be too depressing to watch.
Howard laughed that Jenna was booed at the AVN awards. He said it's like being in the mob when they never let you out. Howard did an impression of Jenna saying she was trying to better herself and people were booing her.
Howard said Jenna was on Oprah's show. He played a clip of Jenna talking about how she was told she could make millions doing scenes but she made a promise to her kids when they were in her tummy that she would never go back. Howard said it's good they were in there because they won't remember. Jenna was saying that it's worlds away from where she was. Howard said Oprah should spring to her to help out.
Howard said TMZ got a hold of Jenna and found out what's up. Jenna said she's just getting in touch with her fans on her web cam. Howard said that she promised not to do porn but now she's promising them she will take care of them by doing porn.
Howard said Jenna could have gotten a job at a shopping mall. Howard said he wishes her luck with whatever goes on. Robin asked why she hasn't been in there. Howard said he felt too sad to have her in when she was promoting her book. Howard said he has a heart. He said that the weird thing is that Oprah will take anyone on her show and shit all over you. Howard said that he will do anything for his show but he saw Jenna struggling in some interviews and he was just like ''Wow...'' He said that he would have her on if she wanted to come on. He said that he'd help her out if she needs it. He said he does like her.
Robin was thinking about what it would be like for Jenna on that web cam thing. Howard said Jenna was in Private Parts and she played the first naked woman in the studio. He said that search wasn't so easy. He said not all actresses are willing to do that kind of thing. Howard said she auditioned for Betty Thomas and they looked at each other like she was great. He said that she nailed the audition. Howard said you imagine that she could have had a career. Robin said she could have done something other than this. Howard said it's weird.
Howard said he loves these clips of guys getting Tasered. Howard said he loves the Taser. He said it shuts up these people who are so belligerent. Howard said it turns them into very manageable human beings. He said he'd love to have one in his personal life. Robin said it would have been great when Bobo showed up at the hospital.
Howard said it would be great to have it when Benjy brings him into the vortex. He quickly apologized to him for that.
Howard played the clip of a guy being arrested and not cooperating with the cops. They ended up Tasering him. The guy screamed and he was under control in a few seconds after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Lady Gaga is better looking in person than she is on TV. Howard said she has a very unique look. He said she has a good body and she looks good. The caller asked if she talked about being with women. Howard said she did talk about that a little bit. He said she was done with guys for a while and went with some women. Howard said that's what her song ''Poker Face'' was about. Howard said there's nothing hotter than being with a woman who is laying there thinking about other women.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks they should have Richard come in and smell Sal's ricotta on his lip in honor of Lady Gaga's interview. Howard said that was so gross when they did that. He said that Sal spent days growing that cheese in his cock. Robin said she's going to throw up. Howard said that Sal smeared that on Richard's upper lip and it was the funniest thing seeing Richard vomiting. Howard said he can't describe why he thinks that's funny. He said he can hear his mom asking what's funny about it. Howard did his impression of his mom talking about that with him. He said it was funny.
Sal came in and said it took like 4 days for the smell to go away after that. He said he had a rash on his penis too. He said he'd be willing to grow it again if they give away birthday show tickets.
Howard said they came up with a bit that they may do with JD called Judge JD. Howard said he has no trouble looking someone in the eye and telling them no. He said that they may have people come in and compete for a spot in the show. Howard said JD will be the judge. He said JD can be very cold to someone. He said he'll have a definitive decision for them.
Howard said he doesn't think anyone would do the cheese thing with Sal. Sal said he hopes so. Howard said he has everyone asking for tickets to the birthday show. Robin said that she has that too. She said they make it seem so simple that they just want 2 tickets.
Sal said he's getting a ton of ticket requests. Howard said he heard that he's trying to get them for the Long Island Medium's husband. Gary said Sal asked for 10 tickets. Sal said he did not. Sal said he was joking when he said he'd bring in Larry Caputo. Howard said it wasn't a joke. Sal said he's a good friend and he's a tremendous fan of Howard's. Howard said Sal has something going on with that guy and his wife. Howard said you never know who the guy is but then someone reminds you that he's the Long Island Medium's husband. Howard asked if he's in love with him. Sal said he really enjoys what she does. Sal said she may not want to be bothered with him though. Howard said she'd rather talk to dead people than talk to Sal. Sal said so would his wife.
Howard said Sal can win tickets if he wears a feces moustache from Richard. Gary said he heard something so disturbing. He said he heard that Larry is getting a tattoo of ''143'' on him. Sal said he is. He said he was out with him one day and Larry told him he's getting that tattoo. He said he's turning it into a positive thing.
Howard asked why he would think that's a good thing. Sal said he's turned it into a fun thing. He said he's not sure about that shit moustache thing. Howard said he just has to get his feces smeared on his upper lip. Howard said maybe he can just stick his finger up his ass and wipe it on his nose. Sal said his stomach is starting to turn. He said Larry would love it.
Howard asked Sal if he's gotten a reading from the Long Island Medium. Sal said he has not. He said he respects her. Howard asked why she won't do it. Sal said he actually shields her from other people who want readings. He said he thinks she has that ability to communicate with souls. Howard said Sal is such a dupe. Sal said he thinks it's real. Howard said that's cheese farmer Sal Governale. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard said Sour Shoes emailed him the call he made to the Mike Francesa show. Howard played that next. Sour called Mike as Gary Dell'Abate but he got cut off very quickly.
Howard said Gary roasted Tony Siragusa for some reason. He said he got some laughs. He played a clip of Gary doing the roast and telling a bunch of jokes. He was getting a lot of laughs. There were a lot of fat jokes in there. Gary was cracking himself up reading some of the jokes. He said between Tony, Artie Lange and Chris Christie it's a shock that the state didn't sink yet. He said if Oprah came there they'd have to rename it Atlantis. Tony interrupted at one point and ruined the flow. He sucked all of the energy out of the room.
Howard said Gary was on a roll and then Tony spoke up and ruined it. He said he took all of the energy out of the room. Howard said that Tony is being a good sport but he must not have liked it. Howard said he has to be quiet when he's doing his thing. Gary said that's going to be on the Man Caves show at some point. Gary said there was one joke that was kind of visual. He said he asked who was behind Tony and then said ''Oh, it's you.'' Howard said he thinks that Gary made Tony uncomfortable. He said that's why he cut into it.
Howard said Sarah Palin was out speaking again and she makes herself look like an idiot. JD told him that she was on CNN promoting her book. He said she was talking about how Christmas is under attack in the United States. Howard said the whole country is Christian so he's not sure what she's talking about. Howard said he's not sure who ''they'' are. Howard said they think that their Christmas is being taken away but it's supposed to be a separation of church and state. He said that they don't seem to understand that. Howard said no one is trying to take away their Christmas.
Howard played a clip of Palin talking about going to church and how she's born again. Howard said when he watches her on TV he thinks about how he could put up with her nonsense because she's so good looking. When he just hears her he can't stand it. Howard played more of the clip and Palin was talking about how she puts herself into the hands of god. Howard said it's always good to put yourself in the hands of your imaginary friend. Palin said she can see god in her surroundings in Alaska. She said that her creator has purpose for her. She said there is purpose for everything.
Howard said he looked around at that age and he thought that no one was home. He was living in Roosevelt at the time. Howard said that only one person could have planned that and that's Satan.
Howard played more of the clip and Palin was talking about the Pope and how she's not happy with him. He said she doesn't trust the media. Howard said she spends more time in the media than anyone else. He said that's a weird thing. He said she's a mystery to him. Palin was saying that the Pope has done some things that sound kind of liberal to her and she's not sure if she can trust what she's reading in the media. She said she has to do some homework on that.
Howard said she just infuriates him. He said he had some edited clips from her audio book. He had one where she said ''The people of Alaska can go fuck themselves.'' He had a few others like ''Like every other ordinary American I'm tired of the black people.'' There was one about her getting crabs from Senator Ted Stevens. Howard said he's never actually listened to her audio book but if it sounded like that he'd listen to the whole thing. Howard said they had to piece those things together.
Howard said Sour Shoes says he pranked Imus as Gary. Sour said he called and got Bernard on the phone off the air and he asked if he wanted to come to the birthday show. Howard said Sour is on a mad tear with these calls. He said he must be on a high after doing his Gary impression and getting good feedback.
Howard said Ryan Seacrest is the producer of The Kardashians and they don't do anything other than this reality show. Howard said Ryan treats them like royalty. He said they're grooming this 16 year old to be another one of these Kardashians. Howard played the clip and Ryan had Kylie on the phone. Howard said he was irritated already and he had only said hello to Kylie.
In the clip Ryan was talking to Kylie about school which was actually home schooling. Howard said the mother seems to make them work but the work is usually perfume. Ryan asked how many hours of school she goes to. She said she does 3-4 hours. Then she's working the rest of the day. Howard said that's probably all you need of school if you're getting one on one schooling.
Howard said you have to hear what she does for work. Howard played the clip and Ryan gave her a plug for an appearance she was making. Howard said she's doing appearances for doing nothing. Kylie said this is Sugar Factory's first location in California. She didn't even know what she'd be doing there. She's just showing up. Howard said she's not singing or dancing, she's just showing up. Howard said she's 16 years old and getting hired to go to these parties. Kylie said she's not even a big candy person. She said she likes Laffy Taffy though. Ryan thanked her for the call and let her go.
Howard said she's not even into candy and she's going to the opening of a candy store. Howard said she has nothing to say at all. He said that infuriates him. He said it really upsets him when attractive women go on talk shows and have nothing to say. Howard said Minka Kelly does that. He said she was on Kelly and Michael and she had nothing to say. He said Kelly and Michael had to work so hard for her. Howard played a clip from the interview and Minka was talking about playing Jackie Onasis and what she had to do to research the part. She had very little to say about that. She also talked about living in Vancouver and things like that. Howard said this was a planned story because Kelly was leading Minka to talk about living with wild animals. Minka then talked about her little dog she had with her there at the show.
Howard said it's great to be born a good looking woman. He said you can just get dressed up and show up and people are happy to just look at you. Howard said you have no idea how many people wanted to pay him to show up at a party when he was 16. He said that was actually nobody.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said he had some audio of Dennis Rodman he wanted to play too. He said he was on a mad tear. Howard said he had to play that. Howard played the clip and Dennis was talking about Kobe Bryant and saying ''Fuck him'' over and over. Robin asked where this was because there's a bass line playing behind him. JD said it was at the W hotel and there was some jazz thing going on. He said he's not even sure why he brought up Kobe.
Howard said he'll play a drinking tip from Richard Christy as they go to break. In that clip Richard talks about drinking on a plane and getting an aisle seat to make sure you can go to the bathroom. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said Mike Tyson is there. He said he has a new book out and there's a lot in there that he didn't know. He said he thought he knew everything from the last two interviews. He really didn't know anything.
Howard said Benjy is rocking the belly shirt today. He said that a fat guy has to wear a shirt that fits. Mike said that there used to be beauty in obesity. Howard said that's true. He said it was almost a sign of wealth and taste. Mike said that even in the 70s people would tell women to eat if they were thin.
Howard said he was reading Mike's book and he thinks it's sad. Mike said that no one is going to be envious of him if they read this book. Howard said there are people who talk about having a hard life but he feels really bad for Mike when he reads this book. Howard said he had a bad relationship with his mother. Howard said you can almost never overcome that. Mike said that you want to overcome that. He said he wasn't the person that his parents were. He said they were educated people too. He said his mother went to college. He said his brother is a doctor. Howard asked if he grew up in the same house with him. Mike said he did.
Howard said that his mother basically ran a brothel out of the house. Mike said he wouldn't call it that but you could get laid and ripped off in their house. Howard said she would have people at the house to get laid and even cops showed up there. Howard said that can mess with your head. Mike said that's just what it was. He said they were taught to fight people and not put up with anything. He said he was brought up with women who fought and that's why he would fight women.
Howard said Mike knows he wasn't taken care of back then. Mike said he thought they were at the time. He said he has no animosity toward them now.
Howard said Mike slept with his mom until he was 15 years old. He said that's so wrong to do. Mike said he wanted to be there. He said that's all he knew. He said he would just go into bed with his mother and there was nothing sexual there. He said that was his security. Howard said she wasn't teaching him to be a strong young man. Mike said he didn't want to be anywhere else though. He said that was his mother.
Howard said Mike must have wanted to know she was safe and wanted to hold on to her. Howard said he's tethered to his mother that way though. Mike said she was going through cancer treatments and he had to get into bed with her to comfort her.
Howard said he gets sad when he thinks about that. He said Mike should be sad too. Mike said most people don't have a normal upbringing. He said those were the cards he was dealt. Howard said he understands that. Howard said he read that he was in the bed when his mother fucked a guy. Mike said that's just the way it is. He said that was just part of his life.
Howard asked if he wants to remember her as being good and he excuses it that way. Mike said that's his mother and that's the way things were.
Howard said Mike says some vicious things about his mother in the book. He said he must be suspicious of all women. Mike said he still loved his mother and he doesn't feel that way. He said that he was attracted to Robin Givens because she had similar qualities.
Howard said it must be hard to have a normal world. He said the new book tells a lot of things that he went through. Mike said he didn't want to do this book. Howard said the book is very good though. Mike said at what expense though.
Howard said Mike talks about the bullying in the book. He said he was horribly bullied. Howard said Mike's mother was doing her thing and this guy on the street named Barkhim took him under his wing and taught him how to rob and things. Howard said he was teaching him all the wrong shit. Mike said in that environment it was the right thing. He said it made him the cool dude. Howard said he could have had better things going on. Mike said that guy didn't have anything better going on. He said he never knew anyone who became a world champion and a singer.
Howard said when Mike's mom was dying of cancer he'd go out and rob houses. Howard said when you think about that he must have been trying to block out what his mother was going through. Mike said he would rob houses and get high and go to parties all night. He said he'd come in at wee hours of the morning so no one would see him. He said he was out robbing houses and no one knew.
Howard asked why he was doing that. Mike said it was all he knew. He said it was the street life. Howard asked if it was also anger and revenge. Mike said he never looked at it that way. He said he never had an ego until he met Cus D'Amato. He said he was nothing when he met Cus. He said Cus made him a great fighter. Howard said Cus wanted him to marry a girl when he was in 9th grade. Howard said that's a fucked up thing. Mike said he wanted him to settle down.
Howard said maybe that's why he was attracted to Don King. He said that he was another adult ready to love him. He said that he ended up sucking the life out of him like a vampire. Howard said the guy on the street became a father figure to him and then Cus and Don King. Mike said that they treated him like a blood son.
Howard said this is going on in America. Mike said that most kids don't have a father and they meet up with people like this. Howard said that a father's love is supposed to be unconditional. He said that these guys were saying that he had to give them something or they'd drop him as a son.
Mike said he would rob people and he was just doing things he was taught to do. Howard said the people closest to him he would rob. He said it shows that he was just on fire and was like ''Fuck 'em all!'' Mike said that's just the way things were.
Mike said he robbed people who were close to him. He said that he came from that. He said that the friends would end up killing other friends over drugs and stuff. He said that's the way things were in his neighborhood.
Howard said Mike never had a bedroom of his own. Mike said he was with his mother and sister. He said that they were the boss. Howard said that's like one of the most treacherous things you can do to a kid. Mike said he realizes that now. He said if he ever saw a man violating a woman's space he's jump in. He said that's what he was taught to do. Howard said that's some burden for a small child. Mike said he did it for bad women too. He said it wasn't just the good women. Howard said they're laying that on him and saying he has to be like Superman for them.
Howard said that it wouldn't be irresponsible to say he has an anger toward women. Mike said he never did. He said if anything he was subservient toward them. Howard said when he was a younger man he'd fuck everything gin sight. Howard said that's an angry fuck and not a loving fuck. mike said that they got great rewards and great shopping sprees from that. Howard said that he was like ''I'll fuck you and I'm done with you.'' mike said it was actually he'd fuck them and give them lots of stuff. Howard said it's crazy when you sit and read his book. Mike said he hasn't read that book. He said it's too painful.
Howard asked Mike why he wrote the book. Mike said his wife wanted him to write it so his kids could read it some day. Mike said he wrote it with Ratso and he would tell him he didn't want to talk about stuff. He said he stayed away for 2 years at one point when he said he didn't want to talk about something.
Howard said Mike talked about wearing his championship belt when he'd fuck chicks. Mike said that he would do that. He said that was his ego. Howard said he saw a picture of Mike online and he saw his dick. Mike said it's actually very small. Howard said he thought it was big.
Howard said that Keenan Ivory Wayans used to fuck with Mike on In Living Color. Howard said Mike walked up to Keenan and looked him in the eye and told him to cut that shit out. Howard said that mother fucker stopped. Mike said he wasn't scared at all and they kept doing jokes about him. He said that they didn't think it was a big thing at all. He said he deserved it back then though. He said he's happy they did it.
Howard said he could have fucked them up back then. Mike said he really likes those guys. He said they're good people. He said they were busting his chops but it was just jokes.
Howard said he read something in the book where he went ''I'll never fuck with Mike Tyson.'' Howard said he said that he likes prison so much that he'll think about blowing someone's brains out just so he can spend his life in prison. Mike said at times he's very dark and jaded. He said he can't help that. Mike said he's working on that as much as he can but that's just who he is. Mike said that he's always concentrated on hurting people in his life. He said he doesn't feel that way right now though.
Mike said he has friends in jail who are serving multiple life sentences. He said that he used to kick their asses when he was growing up. He said that you never know what the other side of those people is.
Howard asked Mike about training with Cus and how he'd beat the shit out of his sparring partners. He said that Mike would apologize to them and then Cus would tell him he had to be a killer and never apologize. Mike said Cus would tell him that he had to be a professional and not apologize.
Howard said that he used to rob the guys he'd fight. Mike said they would quit and they'd run to their bedroom and take whatever they could take. He said they weren't really robbing the guy. He said they were just taking what they left behind after not fulfilling their obligation.
Howard asked Mike about getting out of prison after the rape thing. He said that he says that he didn't treat that woman correctly and he thinks that's why she accused him of rape. Mike said that he told her he wasn't going to walk her down the stairs that night. He said that he told her that she could wait until morning. He said he thinks that's why she did what she did. Mike said that's just the way things were back then.
Howard asked Mike about biting off Evander Holyfield's ear and if he was afraid the public was going to turn on him. Mike said that certain people did turn on him. He said others relished it. He said there are people who have built up anger and they can't fuck someone up. He said they like seeing that kind of thing. He said you just want to fuck someone up and kick their ass. Howard said he's not a good fighter. He said he has that feeling of wanting to beat someone's ass. Howard said he's never had that experience of beating someone up. He said it must feel pretty great. Mike said it's not healthy stuff. Howard said knowing you can handle yourself must make him feel masculine. Mike said there are some guys who are little guys who aren't good fighters at all but if you disrespect them you're a dead mother fucker. He said they can get you fucked up because they know people who can do it. Howard said that's a pussy move. Mike said it's not. He said the job is getting done. Howard said it must feel good being the guy who can get the job done. Mike said he can get fucked up with a bat or a gun. Howard said maybe he should use a bat. Mike said he should have someone who can use a bat for him.
Howard said Mike talks about prison in his book. He said that Mike knew how to get around in prison. He told a story about fucking a counselor there in prison. He said that he would have women show up to fuck him and tell them not to wear panties. He said he was getting so much pussy in prison that he was worn out. Mike said he'd get letters from people and he'd tell them to visit. He said he'd ask them to wear a dress backwards so he could get inside the dress easy. He said that they can sit on your lap and he'd tell them to do that so he could stick his penis inside them. Howard asked if he was nervous the first time he did that. Mike said that he was. He said that he was afraid of getting caught. He said that he could have had other charges against him if he was caught. He said that he could have had the visitation cut off too.
Mike said that he had a year added for violence and doing stupid stuff with guards. He said he had altercations with guards in there. Howard asked if they wanted to challenge him because of who he was. Mike said they had to show that they were in charge.
Howard asked Mike about these girls writing to him and him telling them what to wear. Howard said he has to get his cock hard and be ready to go when the girl sits on him. Mike said he had to think about real dirty things an he didn't even know these girls who were there. He said they could have had some kind of diseases. Howard said he's lucky he didn't end up with AIDS. Mike said that he had sex with a girl that a couple of buddies were with and they both died of AIDS. He said that the girl died of AIDS too. He said he was afraid that he had it too but he lucked out.
Howard asked Mike about the guards fucking with him. Mike said they were mad at him because he didn't know how to do things cool enough.
Howard asked Mike about what he would do if a woman wasn't attractive. Mike said he didn't care. He said they just had to be breathing. He said the fat ones could hide more stuff. He said that it was cool as long as they were breathing and they didn't have a cane.
Howard asked Mike about getting into a screaming match with a guard because he was racist. Mike said they had a big room and the white supremacists heard him yelling at the guy and they though that they were going to get into the battle. He said they were ready to break through into another room to have a fight. He said that they were the ones preparing the food there too. Howard asked if he was afraid of what they were doing to the food. Mike said that no matter what they did to that food it was better than what his mother cooked.
Howard asked mike if he was ever surprised at how hot any of the women were that showed up in prison. Mike said there were some good looking ones. Howard said that he read that he broke up with Naomi Campbell before he married Robin Givens. Howard said that must be great to have come from where he came from and then he's fucking Naomi Campbell. Mike said that he thought more like they had the privilege of fucking him.
Howard asked if Naomi was a fun chick. Mike said she was great. He said that she's a bit of an elitist so he doesn't see her anymore.
Howard asked about Mike almost choking Don King in a car once. Mike said he's embarrassed to talk about that. He said that he lost his cool and he shouldn't have. Howard asked how close he came to doing that. Mike said he would never hurt nobody. He said Don was getting ready to give him a whole bunch of money. He said he's such a schmuck for doing this stuff. Howard said you never even see this guy around anymore. Mike said that Howard isn't a nice guy sometimes. Howard said he finds it hard to forgive someone if they wrong him.
Mike asked if he can have Ratso come in there. Howard said he'll wait until the end to say hi to him. Howard spent another minute talking to Mike and then had Ratso come in.
Howard said he read that Mike once banged a 50 year old cashier. Mike said he thinks that's true. Howard said Ratso tricked Mike into writing this book. Ratso said that's not true. Mike said that was perfectly said. He said that Ratso and his wife tricked him into writing it.
Howard said Ratso likes women with big tits. He said they have to be real though. Howard said he's a good writer. Howard asked how long he hung out with Mike. Ratso said it was 4 or 5 months. He said that Mike would play video games after writing for an hour. Ratso did an impression of Mike asking the question. Howard said that was a really bad impression. Mike thought it was fine.
Ratso told Howard that they got great reviews about this book. Howard said he's very excited for them. He said that Mike has a movie on HBO this weekend. It's a movie about the show he's doing. Mike said that's one thing but reading this book is something completely different. Howard said he thinks the book is Ratso's best work. He said Mike is going to be signing copies of the book today actually. Howard said he wrote with Ratso and he was at his house every day for a while.
Mike said that Howard was so down when Robin wasn't there. He said now he's so up and animated. He said that Howard was really subdued. He said now he's asking him about chicks he fucked and all of that. He said when Robin was out he was looking for a friend.
Howard said the Mike Tyson he remembers is that black sweat shirt that he had cut off. He said he had the black sneakers and that whole look. He said that was some scary shit going on. Mike said he was like a ghoul and a goblin because that's what human beings believe in.
Howard asked Mike what he eats when he's training. mike said he was eating everything. He said he worked off all of what he ate so he could eat anything. Mike said he had to have a look and he had to appear like an executioner. He said he would run about 4 miles and walk 10 miles. Mike said he would walk until his feet felt like someone put a blow torch to them.
Howard said that you have to run to get the endurance. Mike said some guys don't have to run to have that. He said that he learned his style from other fighters.
Howard asked about eating raw eggs. Mike said he has done that but he didn't do it a lot. Howard said that it's all horse shit. He said as a real boxer you don't need to do that. Howard asked if he sees Rocky and thinks that it's all fake. Mike said a lot of that stuff is real stuff. He said that it's about sacrifice. He said that's what Rocky did.
Howard asked if money ruins a fighter. Mike said it can ruin anything. He said it can ruin deacons and bishops.
Howard asked Mike what the greatest thing about being the champ is. Mike said that he doesn't know. He said he's motivated and stuff. Howard said he got to fuck Naomi Campbell. Mike said he never said he did that. He said he doesn't kiss and tell. Howard said he better tell or he'll put him back in the room with Ratso.
Howard said Mike is signing copies of his book at Barnes and Noble today in the city. Howard said that people should go see him. Mike said he wanted to beat Howard's ass years ago. He said that's why he stayed off the show. He said he was ready to find him on the street but he never came out.
Howard asked why he would want to do that. Mike said he was a ball buster and he wanted to beat him up. Mike said Howard is mellow and he's not like people think he is. Mike said he was very mellow when Robin wasn't there. He said he was much easier to deal with back then. Howard said we've all mellowed. He said Mike beat up his teacher in school. Mike said he must have told him to shut up or something. He was only in 7th grade at the time. Ratso said the guy threw a book at Mike. Mike said the guy lost his job for being too violent.
Howard asked when he got his first tattoo. Mike said he was probably 12. He said the guy who did it did it with a needle and ink. He said he was in jail at the time. Howard said he didn't know he was in jail at 12. Mike said he was in a lot of trouble by that age.
Howard gave Mike some more plugs for his book, HBO special and book signing. Howard said the book is ''Undisputed Truth.'' He'll be signing today at Barnes and Noble on 5th Ave at 12:30pm. He also has a web site at IronMikeProductions.com.
Howard asked Mike about the tattoos on his face and if he was on anything when he got them. Mike said he was smoking the super ganga when he got those.
Mike said it was good seeing Robin there. Howard said he almost lost her. Mike said he knows that. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Gary was ruining his favorite song there. He told Robin it was time for news. Fred played her in with a song parody. Howard said his wife was trying on gowns last night. He said he loves giving his opinions on that. Robin said she's never had that experience. Howard said they have the big North Shore Animal League gala coming up. He said they have Tom Cotter, Natalie Maines and Kid Wiz from AGT appearing there. Howard said it should be fun. Howard said if you want to come you can check out AnimalLeague.org. That's taking place on November 22nd. Howard said Natalie is a sweetheart for flying in for that.
Howard said that Jimmy Kimmel is still dealing with the protests about the Chinese thing. Howard said that he should fuck with a country with less of a population.
Howard said he thought of Robin when he read an article about carrying a bottle of green drink has become a status symbol. Robin said she was on that road long before that. Howard said Robin was a trend setter. Howard said it's a shame because she was ridiculed over it.
Robin read a story about Alec Baldwin's trial. Robin said he testified yesterday in his stalker trial. Robin said Alec says that he met this woman because he was trying to cover for a friend who was having an affair with her. Robin said this guy he's accused of this says that's not true. Robin said the woman screamed out that he's a liar in court. Howard asked why he's taking her to court. Robin said he doesn't want to be stalked anymore. Robin said that the woman's defense is that she was in a relationship and Alec wanted to end it because he wanted to marry this woman he married. Howard said that when it's over it should be over. Robin said the woman just wanted closure apparently. Robin said she just wants him to say that he had sex with her and it wasn't a fantasy. Robin had some audio of the woman talking about the case.
Robin had an audio clip of Pat Robertson telling a woman who wrote to him about her son being gay that she should pray for him. Robin asked if anyone has ever been cured by praying. In the clip Robertson was asking if there is a biological thing going on or if he's been coached by someone. Howard said he knew that was going to set him off. He said that he should go get a real job.
Howard said that you'd hope that people with those views will die off. Robin said they will some day. Howard said things are changing. He said the younger generations aren't like that but there are pockets of people who do everything their parents tell them to do.
Robin said he was voted bigot of the year at an awards show in Britain. Howard said he's such a bigot. Robin said Robertson claimed that HIV positive gays wear special rings to infect other people.
Howard took a call from Wheels who asked John Stamos about Rebecca hitting him because Jerry O'Connell mentioned that. Howard said she isn't hitting him to hurt him. Wheels asked if they do research on people like Gaga. Howard said they all do research there and he picks and chooses what he wants to talk to her about.
Wheels asked if he asked Mike Tyson what an ear tastes like. Howard said he may have in past interviews. Howard told Wheels that the guys in the back do a lot of research for him and he picks what he wants to concentrate on. He said it's not great secret.
Howard let out a sigh and said that he's worn out. He said Wendy the Retard is looking for Christmas money. He said he has to end the show on time today and he'll never get done if he does this. He picked up on her and said he can't get into a long conversation with her. Wendy said she can and she's just calling to say that her mom just got out of the hospital. Howard cut her off and said he'll talk to her next week. Wendy said she understands. Howard said she's just one of 50 billion people who ask him for money.
Wendy told Howard she has to wear diapers now. She can't control herself anymore. Howard asked if she shits herself too. She said she does. Wendy said she runs to the toilet but she doesn't make it anymore. Howard asked Wendy about getting that feeling where the doody is just about coming out. Wendy said she knows that feeling. Howard asked why she doesn't run to the toilet. Wendy said she has trouble getting up. Gary said he thinks that she's gained a lot of weight. He said she has trouble getting up off the couch.
Gary said Wendy asks Jason for money every 3 days. Wendy said she can't help it. She said she helps her mom with bills and she's left with no money. Gary said that her mom has told them that they're not that bad off. Wendy said that her mom is in the hole and she's trying to help. Howard said they know her mom and she's told them that it's not that bad. Howard said he heard that they paid her a bunch of money for doing Howard TV.
Gary said he thinks that Wendy is getting SSI and she thinks that it's all her's. Her mom is using it to run the house and Wendy thinks that she should have it all to herself.
Howard asked Wendy what she was saying about getting diapers. She said she gets them from church when she's running low on money. Howard said that's a good church. He asked if they stockpile them there. Wendy said she needs to go to McDonald's for a breakfast burrito. Howard said she should be making her own breakfast. Wendy said she does make her own but she left the house today and she wanted to take care of some business.
Howard asked Wendy what kind of church she's going to. He asked if it's a church for people like her. Wendy said it is. She said that she goes to classes with people who are younger than she is. Howard said the kids must look at her and think she's huge. Gary said he's going to talk to Wendy's mom and find out what's really going on down there. Howard told Wendy to call him next week.
Robin read a story about Sea World and how they're in court over whether or not the trainers can be in the water with killer whales. Robin said that OSHA put a ban on them being in the water after a trainer was killed in 2010. Howard said he was talking to Sam Simon about that this weekend. He said you can't lock a whale up in a tank like that. He said it's just not right. Howard said whales are like people with their intelligence and with families. Howard said that he doesn't want to see a whale that bad at Sea World. Robin said she's gone. She said a lot of people go. Howard said he won't go.
Robin read a story about a guy who was involved in a lot of extortion schemes. He admitted to hacking into the computers of victims and finding photos of them and then threatening to give them to the public if they didn't pay him. Robin said Miss Teen USA was one of the victims. Robin said the guy knew this girl and she was one of the people who tipped off the authorities. Howard said that sounds like a lot of time to put into something like that. Robin said the guy is using his powers for bad. Howard said he's like the Joker. Howard said the only thing you'll see if you hack into his computer is his big nose.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man who asked if he was scared of Mike Tyson the first time he interviewed him. Howard said not really. He said Mike does have one move that's pretty intimidating. He said when they're saying goodbye he shakes his hand really hard. He said he hugs him really hard too. Robin said she got that too. Howard said he may not even know what he's doing. Howard said he squeezed his ribs so hard he didn't think he could do it again. Howard said he enjoys talking to him. He said he learns something every time he talks to him. He said he felt very comfortable with him.
Robin told Howard she watched Being Mike Tyson and he gave some advice to Evander Holyfield's son and he ended up winning a fight because of what Mike told him. She said it was pretty amazing.
Speech asked Howard if he heard Artie on Dan Patrick yesterday. Howard said he did not. Speech said that Artie was saying that Howard is afraid to have him back on the show because he might go back to doing what he was doing. Howard said he does have that fear and he worries about Artie a lot. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go.
Robin read a story about a gangster rapper named School Boy Q. She had some of his music for Howard to play. Howard said he's not sure how any singer can be a gangster. Howard said no gangsters sing. He said the guy is a rapper, not a gangster. He said you can only be one or the other.
Howard said Blockbuster went out of business and they had the last rental. Gary said that movie was ''This is the End.'' Howard asked Gary if he's going to do a VHS special and include that in it. Fred was playing the sound of a vinyl record scratch. Gary told him he was genius.
Robin read that Tina Turner is living in Switzerland and she is now a citizen of the country. That means she's given up her U.S. citizenship. Howard said he doesn't believe it. Howard asked if she saves money living there. Robin didn't know.
Robin read about Motorola filing for a patent on an electronic skin tattoo. Howard said he'd never do that. Robin said it would be worn on the throat and it would have a microphone and a power source. Howard said you know cancer is just waiting for that. Robin said it would allow you to use voice commands on a smartphone. It could also be used as a lie detector.
Robin asked if Howard fixed his iPhone fingerprint scanner. Howard said he hates it. He said he put his thumb on it 3 times and it comes up and asks for the pass code. He said it never works for him. Robin said it works for her just fine. Howard said now it's slowing him down. He said he's going to disable it. He said he hates it. Howard said he has reset the phone 2 or 3 times and it still doesn't work. Howard said he has trouble with everything. He said his server couldn't be found this morning. He said he has an IT guy and nothing was working for him this morning.
Robin said she has trouble with iTunes. She said she's going to get an Android tablet so she can watch TV on that. Robin said she needs to know what Apple is up to so she has both.
Robin read about a new alarm clock that wakes people with financial insecurity and other things to freak people out. Robin said it reminds them how much money they have in the bank and how long they're expected to live. Howard said he doesn't get it.
Howard said he had a Sony alarm clock that he loved but ended up not using it because it was so complicated. He said that it's too confusing. He said you have to wait until something is perfected before getting it.
Robin read about the Boston Bomber, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, and how they're not sure if they're going to be seeking the death penalty for him. Howard said they should kill this fucker already. Robin said she's not sure what there is to decide.
Robin read about the people who got married because of yesterday's date which was 11/12/13. Robin said one person got married at 2:15 so the time was 14:15 after the 11/12/13. Howard said that's ridiculous. He asked who has the time to figure that out. Robin had some audio of the couple that got married. Howard said this world is so screwed up.
Robin read about the typhoon in the Philippines and what's going on there. Robin said that some people are being told to flee to other cities. Howard said that some people in this world get married on 11/12/13 14:15 and others lose their house and have to flee their city. Howard said George Takei told him to say Tsyphoon like he taught him to say tsunami. Fred played a couple of George Takei clips where he was telling Howard how to pronounce them.
Robin said a woman is asking for her son's motorized wheelchair to be returned. It was used to steal food from the woman's house. Robin had some audio of the woman talking about what these people stole from her. Robin said the boy needs the chair to get around the school. Robin said the chair has neon green wheels that light up. Howard said that's the worst. He said you'd think they'd leave the wheelchair at least.
Robin read about a 19 year old kid who was released from prison after a court overturned his conviction. Robin said that there was no evidence connecting him to the crime.
Robin said Miley Cyrus may get into trouble over her lighting up at the EMA awards this weekend. Robin said that it may have been illegal to do what she did. Robin said they say that they need to meet with her management to figure out what happened. Robin said it's illegal to smoke in public places.
Robin said that Whitey Bulger will be facing families of people he killed. Robin had some audio of an attorney talking about that.
Robin read about 1 World Trade Center taking the title of the highest building in America. They ended the show a short time later. They were done around 10:10am.
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Gary said the craziest Tyson fight he ever saw was with Marvis Frazier. He said he was knocked out in like 58 seconds. Jon said that he remembers the fight that lasted 36 seconds on Pay-per-view. He said they were able to watch a signal that was going in and out and still see the whole fight.
Gary said he remembers when he was told that Buster Douglas had beaten Mike Tyson. He said he thought it was a prank. He said he had never heard of Buster Douglas.
Jon said when you hear Mike talking about Ratso and how he didn't enjoy writing the book. He said Ratso would ask him if he wanted to talk about something and Mike would say no and ask him to come back the next day.
Gary said that Ratso spent a lot of time with him when he was doing research for Howard's book. He said he and Ratso sat down and went through logs of the show. He said Ratso would write something down when he found something interesting. He said that took them like a month.
Jon asked if Gary thinks Mike is still angry. Gary said he might be but he has a lot of other feelings now. He said in the past it seemed to be all anger.
Gary said that he remembers being a kid on Long Island and getting in trouble with the police. He said they'd threaten to send you to Spaford. He said it was the place where the worst kids went. He said he learned that Mike grew up there. He said that's crazy.
Jon said that Mike still talks about Cus D'Amato and how Mike still refers to that relationship as ''we.'' Gary said Howard thought that Cus wasn't good for him because he was using him for his own good.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Mike is nothing special. He said he's just a thug who had a talent for fighting. Gary said that he's probably right on when he was fighting but he thinks that he's changed. The caller said he doesn't think he's changed at all. He said he doesn't think that he's right about that girl he raped either. Gary asked why he's never in trouble anymore. The caller said that he thinks that he knows the spotlight is on him now. He said he's just a thug.
Gary said he was a thug but he thinks he's changed. He said he believes Mike when it comes to that rape thing. He said Mike has admitted to things he's done to other women and he refuses to do that with this girl. He said he thinks he might be telling the truth.
Benjy said he thinks that the basic essences is the same but the way he acts toward people is different. He said he has changed.
Jon and Gary talked about how Mike seems to read a lot and how he gets some big words wrong. Benjy said he might do some of that on purpose.
Jon took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said he saw Mike Tyson boxing before he was champion and he saw him knock a guy out of the ring with one hit. Gary said he believes that. He said that he has had a lot of one to 3 round fights.
Jon asked Jeff about the birthday show and how excited he is for that. Jeff said he's very excited. Jon said Sal was talking about that today. Gary said Sal was saying he only wanted one ticket. Then he said he wanted to bring his friend. Jeff said he would like to bring a friend. Gary asked who said he was invited. Gary said no guests have been invited to sit in the audience yet. He said they're still working it all out.
Gary said that Mike is still in good shape and he does talk about those dark days in a way that's still scary. Gary said the other thing that's strange for him is that he doesn't see that face tattoo anymore. He said that's sort of faded away for him.
Benjy said he thinks the tattoo looks kind of cool on him. He said it adds to his look and he's anti-tattoo. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said Bobo is going to Howard's doctor too. Benjy said that you do think that Howard knows something more than the regular guy. He said that it's not stupid to want to go to that guy. Gary said he thinks it's just because it's Howard's doctor. Gary said he doesn't think that Bobo thought of any of that other stuff.
Jon asked if he thinks Sal would go to Howard's doctor. Gary said he probably would. He said he did that once when he wanted to get his hair cut a certain way. He went to the guy who cut John Oates' hair. He said the hair cut was $125 and his salary at the time was $150 a week. He said it was almost a week's salary. Gary said he walked into the salon and the guy pulled his hair one way and the other. He said they were going to change his look. Then this little Asian guy started cutting his hair. Then the Salon guy comes out and does two cuts and that's when they charge you that $125. Gary said he did regret getting that hair cut.
Jon took a call from a guy who said his mother died of bladder cancer and he had to get the tube test himself to see if anything was going on with his. He said that they stick a black tube in there that looks like a telescope. He said that he wishes his father had done that because he'd still be with them.
The caller said they put a numbing cream in the head of your dick and they tell you that you're going to feel pressure. He said the next thing you know they're there and you're done. He said it's not that bad. Jon asked if it's worse in your head than it is for real. The caller said that's the way it is.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they think Bobo is getting these illnesses just to be on the air. Gary said he never thought of that but it's possible. The caller said he'd bet that he'll come up with something else in 6 months. Gary said he was angling for a birthday show ticket.
Jon asked Gary if he remembers Howard seeing his penis. Gary said he remembers back in 1984 or so that he may have walked around naked in the locker room or something. Benjy asked how big their penises were when they measured that time. Gary said they were all very close that day. He said no one was that much bigger or smaller than everyone else.
Benjy said he once had a procedure done on his penis where they had to use a cotton thing in the hole. He said they told him he should change his detergent because that's what was causing problems.
Gary said he once had to get a prostate exam and he had no idea the guy was going to go in from the rear. He said it was probably best he didn't know that was coming. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon moved on to talk about Sal and his volunteering to do the penis cheese thing. He asked Gary if he was upset that Sal was offering up the tickets without talking to Gary first. Gary said they will have tickets to give away so he was okay with that. Jon asked about Sal's new best friend. Gary said he finds it odd that Sal doesn't find it weird that his friend is getting ''143'' tattooed on him. Gary said he's not sure he'd be honored by that. Benjy said it would be like someone getting Baba Booey tattooed on their arm. Gary said that wasn't the same kind of thing. It was Sal thinking his wife was cheating on him.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they think Sal would swap wives and get to fuck the Long Island Medium. Gary said he doesn't think Sal is attracted to her that way. He said anything is possible though.
The caller, Jim from Raleigh, was the one who asked Howard about the birthday show weeks ago. Benjy pointed that out. Gary said they've been thinking about doing it since early summer. Jim said it's going to be the best Howard Stern event ever. Gary said he thinks that they were actually talking about it back in April. He said he asked Jimmy to do the party way back then so it must have been before that.
Jon said he just got a note saying that Dr. Fisch will be talking to Bobo tonight on his radio show on Howard 101 at 5pm.
Jon and Gary talked about how Sal believes in the Long Island Medium and he was trying to convince Howard to give it a try. Gary said that Sal said he believes in a percentage of it. Sal came in and said he thinks that she does talk to spirits and she has an ability. Benjy asked if he thinks she's bullshitting at all. Sal said he thinks she has an ability and it may not be to the extent that people see it. Jon said he's not sure what he means by that. Sal said he knows she can see spirits from time to time. He said she can hear and see them. He said it's hard to put it into words. Jon asked him to please help.
Jon tried to help Sal out. He asked if she can see and hear the spirits but she can't share them with him. Sal said he thinks there are times when a spirit won't come to her for whatever reason. Sal said he went to a Medium and never got the connection to his grandmother. He said it's not always 100 percent.
Jon asked Sal how he's never asked Theresa to do a reading. Sal said he doesn't want to bother her with that. He said she does private readings but she gives the money to charity. Gary asked if she asked him if he would do it. Sal said that would be great but he'd never ask for it and he'd never expect her to ask him.
Gary said this is like the Seinfeld episode where he dated the masseuse and waited for her to give him a massage.
Gary said he met Theresa's husband and he told him that he used to go to Jackie's parties so he's been around a lot.
Gary asked Sal what he and Larry talk about. Sal said Theresa is on tour right now. He said he and Larry get together and talk about the show a lot. He said they talk about the community things that are going on and things like that. He said it's just like any other friendship.
Jon said he doesn't think that it would be wrong for Sal to ask her to do a reading. Sal said he doesn't want to bother her with that. He said he would be taking advantage of their friendship. Gary and Jon said he wouldn't be. Sal said he thinks it would be. Gary said that everyone knows he's hanging out with Larry because he's into Theresa. Sal said he likes Larry too though.
Jon said that he thinks that Sal is just afraid that they're going to think he's taking advantage. Sal said that her show is entertaining and that's where he draws the line. He said that he thinks that if Howard got a reading it would only help him. Sal said Theresa likes his wife so they do their own thing. He said they're hanging out and he hangs out with Larry.
Jon asked Sal if he would swap wives with Larry. Sal said he would never do that. Shuli was in and said it would be funny if he was hanging out with them and did his penis on the head thing. Sal said he knows now that his family that has passed on are fine. He said that's what he believes and he's willing to leave it there.
Shuli said that Sal knew the woman before he met her. Shuli said he doesn't believe that Sal hasn't asked for a reading. Sal said he just explained that. He said he doesn't want to put her in that position. Benjy asked if he would do that with another medium. Sal said he doesn't want to do it now. He said he's content knowing that they're all in a good place and he's going to leave it at that.
Gary said he went to a psychic once and it was the dumbest thing he ever did. Gary said he recorded it too. He said he pulled a bunch of pictures he pulled out of a scrap book and some pictures fans sent in. He said he showed the psychic a picture of his brother and the psychic felt nothing. Then he showed the picture of the stranger and the psychic felt a connection. He said that's when he knew it was all bullshit. Sal said he believes that most of them are bullshit but he thinks that Theresa has that ability and it's not bullshit.
Jon had to end the show. He had Shuli give his Howard 100 News preview and then let the other guys get in their plugs. They were done around 11:05am.
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