|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about the Hottest Nude Mother and Daughter contest they have coming up soon. Howard said that they have a $5,000 grand prize for the winner. He said you can find out more at SiriusXM.com/Howard. Howard wondered if his mom and sister could participate. He said they could use that money.
Howard wondered if they'll have any contestants for it. He said what usually happens is the women don't think many people will enter so they think they'll have a better chance at it. Howard said he has a feeling a lot of federal workers that aren't getting paid will want to get into it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he was surprised he heard David Letterman extended his contract for another 2 years. Howard said he must enjoy doing the show. He said maybe it's not that simple. He said he doesn't think Dave enjoys doing that show on any level but he might need to keep doing it. Robin asked how he couldn't enjoy it on any level. Howard said he just doesn't get that feeling. He said he's glad he's sticking around. He said he's been great to him and he loves Dave. Howard said he gave him some national exposure.
Robin said Dave sent her a note after their show. She said that he was glad she was well and he had no idea she was having such a horrific time. Howard said that's very nice of him. The caller, Jim, said he might not want to have what happened to Johnny Carson happen to him. Howard said Johnny just kind of went away and no one cared. Howard said who knows what's in his head. He said he wises Dave would come on his show. He said that he'd like to ask him these questions and get a real in depth interview about this. Howard said Dave has been on the show and he did his movie.
Howard said he did the Jerry Seinfeld ''Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee'' show. He said that his whole concept is very different. He said it felt like doing his 60 Minutes piece. He said they did a 3 hour interview and they cut that down to about 15 minutes. Howard said Jerry says he cuts it down himself. He said that Jerry picked him up in a car that he felt reflected him. He said he didn't think it was that at all. Howard said he picked him up in a GTO. Howard said he figured a short yellow bus would have been better. Howard said the car isn't Jerry's either. He said he borrowed that. Howard said Jerry thought that would reflect his days in Roosevelt. He said he asked Jerry if they were stolen a lot there in Roosevelt. He said if he really wanted to reflect on that he would have picked him up in a police car.
Howard said he and Jerry spoke for about 3 hours. He said they went to a diner in Astoria, Queens. He said Jerry was nagging him to get something. He said he doesn't drink coffee. He said he had some smoked salmon with tomato. He said Jerry wanted something for dessert but he wasn't sure he did. He said after all of that they went to a supermarket to walk around. He said he asked Jerry where he stands in the list of all comedians of all times. He wanted to pick out a few items at the store and if Jerry guessed correctly on 3 out of 5 things he'd tell him where he stands in comedians of all time. He said he's not sure if they'll even use that footage though.
Howard said his bitching and moaning was kept to a minimum on the show. He said it would serve them better if they did it in 2 hours instead of 3. Howard said he was woozie after two hours. He said he got into the car and talked about his dad and he was off to the races right away. He said it took him back to the times when he and his dad listened to the radio. He said they didn't really interact though. He said his dad would tell him to shut up.
Howard said he saw Artie Lange on Jimmy Fallon and he was talking about Dr. Oz and how his mom and sister talk to him after seeing that show. Howard said everyone is out with ether books. Artie has a new one coming out called ''Crash and Burn.'' Howard said he tries to watch all of that stuff.
Howard said he watched Jesse Ventura on Good Morning New York talking about running for President. Howard played the clip and Jesse was talking about how he needs Howard Stern to run with him. Rosanna Scotto was saying she's not sure they want Howard as Vice President. Howard said that woman loves him and she's been to his house a bunch of times. He said she would love him as Vice President. Howard said they could probably win if he ran. He said he's looking to do less and not more though.
Howard said he has to thank Bob Lefsetz too. He said he wrote an article about the new iPhone operating system and how you can make things bold and increase the font size. Howard said that has changed his life. Howard said he won't even tell Robin how to do it. He said the type is so big and beautiful now. He said it's all enlarged and bold now. He said he's on cloud nine over it. Howard said he likes the letters to be big so he can read it easier. He said he loves that.
Howard said he was watching an I Heart Radio TV special over the weekend. He said he's not even sure what that is but some guy he knows works on it. He said they have a festival where they have a bunch of bands play. He said he didn't know much about the band Fun other than the one big hit they had. Howard told Fred to play that song for them. Fred played the song ''We Are Young'' for him.
Howard said that this guy comes out and sings that song. He said he likes it. He said he didn't think about it after that. He said he's not sure if they'll ever have another hit song. Then they brought out Queen which is Queen without Freddie Mercury. Howard said it's Brian May and some other guys but they have the guy from Fun singing the Freddie Mercury role. Howard said he's great. He said they first performed with Adam Lambert and that kid was good too. He said he should join the band and go on tour with them. Howard said that Adam is gay and so was Freddie. Howard said the whole thing kind of works. He said that kid has some powerhouse voice on him. He said he must be like 20. Howard said he wishes he had tape of that show.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he saw Yoko Ono on Letterman the other day. Howard said he doesn't mind her talking about her life but he's not sure if she did an interview. The caller said she just did that performance. Howard said that performance was awful. He said the song was called Cheshire Cat Cry. Howard said she has a good band with her but you have to check this out. Howard played the clip and said this is insanity. Howard said she's like 70-some years old. Yoko was singing about stoping all wars and Howard said we can't stop all wars. Robin said you can't be non-violent in a violent world. Howard said he just saw that Yoko is 80, not 70-something. Howard said this is like a goof. He said he's not sure why Letterman would subject his audience to this. Robin said he must have wanted to talk to her.
Howard said the band is trying their hardest to block her out with the music. Howard said she really doesn't care. He said they used to lock people up for doing things like this.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they have to play that clip of Yoko doing her performance art where she sounds like she's having a stroke. He also asked how Beth was after her date with JD. Howard said she was mumbling about spoon collections when she got home. Howard said next week she's got a date with Steve Brandano and then a date with Will and Jason after that.
Howard said they actually had a great night when they were out and got caught on camera by a TMZ guy. Howard said he doesn't like taking pictures and he ignored the guy on his way into the restaurant. Howard said he doesn't like blowing people off like that. He said he felt awful. He said when he went out he said he was going to pose for a picture. He said it turns out the guy wanted to video tape him. He said he had an old VCR camera though. He said he figured it was a TMZ guy but he talked to him anyway. Howard said this is a crazy clip. He played the audio. The TMZ guys were talking about how Jean Georges is over rated but that's where they found Howard and Beth. The guy interviewing Howard ended up asking him about the winner of AGT not being American. Howard said ''What'' when he asked him if we're becoming un-American. Robin said she's not sure that's what he said. The TMZ people weren't sure what he was talking about. Howard's response was that we're all one and threw in Peace and Love.
Howard said he was up for a good interview. He said he was trying to help the guy out but that was a dumb question. He said he just answered it anyway. He didn't want to look like a douche bag running away from him. He said he looked like shit in that suit. He said Beth told him it was because of where they were standing. Howard said Beth looked gorgeous. He said she could look great standing on her head. Howard said he looked like he had a year long bout with cancer. Howard said they didn't report on it properly. Howard said he has to take a break and then Robin will laugh at a Mel B phony phone call they made. Howard said they have her ordering breakfast. They went to break after that.
Howard said they were debating on whether or not to have the guy on the show and they were playing tape of him. He said Benjy was talking about how he was going to get up on all fours on the desk when he heard him. Howard said he heard the guy's voice and started fucking Fred right away. He said the guy's voice is so sexy that Scott DePace will go down on Gary. He said Jon Hein and Gary will do double penetration.
Howard said Mel B was on the show recently and the boys took clips of her and made some phony phone calls. Howard played the call where they called a restaurant and had her ordering a couple of things and asking the guy why he was giving her a hard time. They had her saying her number was 755 but that was it. When he'd ask for her number she'd say ''fuck you'' to him. The guy eventually asked her to call another business. Then the guy started praying for her. They had Mel B asking ''What the fuck'' and laughing at the guy as he was praying.
Howard asked Robin if she believed that. Robin said that was amazing. Robin said it was a random call and he started praying for her. Howard said the guy never did get the order. He said he's not sure how they make money there.
Howard said he has a clip of Ronnie orgasming. Now they have one of JD orgasming. Howard said they also have Scott the Engineer if those weren't disturbing enough. Howard played the Scott clip and Robin said ''Oh my god.'' Howard said Robin must know that sound.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that he saw Howard's picture where he was waiting for Jerry in some building. Howard said he was waiting for Jerry to do that coffee show. Howard said he looks like Beethoven with his hair. King asked where he was. He said it looked like a Brownstone building. Howard said at the start of the show they were going to pick him up at his apartment but he went somewhere else. King said he used to do that in his car years ago. Howard said it's so difficult to talk to King. He said he doesn't let him do anything.
Howard said he asked them not to pick him up at his apartment so he picked some other building. He said Toni took that picture. Howard said people tell him he has to tweet so he sent the picture out. Howard said he brought Toni with him.
Howard said there's this weird thing that goes on with Jerry's show. Howard said his assistant was told that Jerry was going to hand him some money for doing this. Howard said they should just send a check. He said it was kind of weird. He said Laura told him that Jerry was going to hand him the envelope and he found that kind of strange but he was going to do it. Howard said they were in this diner in Astoria and that's where Jerry handed him the money. He said he told Jerry it wasn't necessary. He said he took the envelope and shoved it in his pocket. He said he was going to donate it to North Shore Animal League or something. Howard said Jerry was driving him home and he said that most people don't take that envelope. Howard said he threw it on the dashboard and told him this was crazy. He said it was a test or something. He said he wasn't going to take the money in the first place. Howard said he wasn't looking to be paid. He said he did this show out of friendship. He said Jerry insisted that he take it though.
Howard said Jerry told him that Alec Baldwin didn't take it and Letterman didn't take it. Don Rickles took it. Howard said if it's good enough for Don then it's good enough for him. He said he gave some of the money to Toni and gave the rest to Beth to donate.
Howard said he took it. He said it was becoming a very big issue. He said it was all on camera of course. He said that it may not make it into the show though. He said he's going to ask Jerry if he can have the audio and play some of it on their show. He said he'll have to see. They had to take another break after that.
Joe said he started writing erotic series and they're targeted at women. He said he'll start talking and women will start moaning. Howard asked Robin if she's feeling anything. Robin said she's not.
Howard asked Joe to do one of his stories and he'll have Benjy stick his finger up his asshole while he listens. Howard said he just wants to hear a few lines. Joe started to read and Howard made sounds like he was jerking off. Fred played clips of Ronnie orgasming. Howard said that's awesome. Howard said it worked. He and Fred are having a baby.
Robin asked what he does with this stuff. Joe said he writes it and records it. Howard said he must be making some money. Joe said he just started it. Howard asked if he has his own place. Joe said he does. He said he's an independent film maker too. He said he worked with Spike Lee but they fired him. He said he never got an explanation about why. He said that there was a lot of jealousy happening over there. He said he went to a game with Spike this year though. He said he's still friends with Spike.
Howard asked how people can get these things. Joe said you can get them on iTunes by searching his name Joe Pomarico. Howard asked him to read some of Robin's book for them. He said he wanted to make it sexy with his sexy voice. Joe read some of Robin's book where she was talking about vegetables. He screwed up some of the lines and Howard told him he should study that better. Howard made more jerking off sounds as he was doing that.
Howard asked Joe if he's dating. Joe said he is. Howard asked if he's fucking a couple of chicks. Joe mumbled something as he laughed. Howard figured he was banging more than one chick. Joe said women will ask him to start talking dirty to them in bed. He said he'll do that. He said he'll talk dirty but you have to know what you're doing at the same time.
Howard asked what his lines are. He wanted to hear some and repeat them. Joe was talking about bending a chick over and licking her neck. Howard said something similar to Fred but Fred told him it needs work. Howard said Joe's stories are available on iTunes and Amazon.com. Howard said you never know because things can take off. He said if you don't put them out there then you'll never know. Howard said Joe could be the modern 50 Shades of Grey. Howard said he's a good looking dude too. He said that he's a good looking guy and he has that voice. He said most guys with voices like that don't look great.
Howard took a call from Wood Yi who was looking to talk dirty to Joe. It was Sal and Richard playing clips of Wood Yi. They had him cursing him out and saying he had to take a shit and things like that.
Howard asked how many of these things he has. Joe said he has a few minutes and each one is 99 cents. Howard said women can pleasure themselves to this stuff. Joe said that women have told him they have to go home to their dildo after he reads to them. Howard said he has to be kidding. Joe said this all started from his short film scripts. He said he wrote some love scenes in his movies and women were taken aback by that so he figured he could go further.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back again. This time they were playing clips of Howard doing an impression of his mother. Joe knew it wasn't a woman. He didn't seem to know it was Howard doing the impression. They had Howard talking about sex as his mother. He was talking about pussy juice and ball cheese in those clips. Howard ended up talking to himself and realized it was his mommy. Joe started doing his impression of Howard doing the impression.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if this is Ronnie's long lost son and if Ronnie could come in and read some lines. Howard said he does have a little bit of a Long Island accent. Joe said he thinks it's a good thing to have that. He said it's a little more unique.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he sounds like in Rocky when Adrianne is passed out and Rocky is reading to her. Howard said that's not a bad thing.
Howard took a call from a woman who said his voice is okay but he's talking in a monotone and it's not erotic. Howard said this guy has worked this through and it's working on them. He said he must know what he's doing. Howard said you keep it flat like a robot and it works.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were playing clips of JD talking dirty. Joe didn't get into it with him but Howard did. Howard was talking dirty back to JD and making jerking off sounds by pulling his cheek.
Howard said you can check out Joe at JoePomarico.com. He wished him luck with his venture. He said he's sure a couple of ladies will call in. Howard said he has the world's sexiest voice. Robin said it is a good voice. Robin said he should do voice overs. Howard said that's boring though.
Howard said it's a good day today. He said Robin is back in the studio live. He said it's a bad day too because Benjy is there live. Howard said they were talking about going to Robin's apartment and let Robin broadcast from there. Howard said he's going to take a break and get to a bunch of things. He said tonight they have Leiberman Live at 5 on Howard 101 and at 7pm they have a Private Parts 20th anniversary special. He said he wrote his book ''Private Parts'' 20 years ago. He said he wrote it with Ratso Sloman in his baseman. He said that was some dynamic. Howard said that is on at 7 on Howard 101. They went to break after that.
Howard said it's time for the Wack Packer Clip of the Week. Howard said that it's Underdog Lady speaking to Shuli. Howard said she's like his girlfriend now. Howard said this is amazing. He said Shuli has really connected with her. Howard played a clip of Underdog Lady doing a cat meow for Shuli. Underdog also does a dog barking sound. Shuli said goodbye to the kitty cat and the dog and she made those barking and cat sounds. Howard said that was the Wack Packer Clip of the Week.
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who asked if Beth heard Jerry O'Connell's comment about Rebecca Romijn liking Mandingo porn. Howard said he told her about it. Howard said she didn't say she's into that or anything. Mark said he was just wondering.
Howard said he's been telling Scott about the wires under his console and Scott keeps saying there are no wires there. Howard said he keeps pulling them out and they make the monitors blink. He said Scott just says ''Oh'' and makes that ''Chhh'' sound. Howard said the whole system goes blank when he touches the wires. He said people fight him around there.
Howard said there's a big A-Rod protest outside. Howard said they're out there chanting about how they support A-Rod and they think he's being targeted because he's Hispanic. Howard played a clip of these protesters chanting and saying something. Howard said it sounds like they're saying ''Taco Tico'' or something.
Howard had some interviews Sal and Richard did with the protesters. They were asking about why they were there and if they think that George Zimmerman was singled out too. Some of the people did.
Howard said Sal knows nothing about the MLB or NBA. He asked the people if they found the NBA to be racist and one of the guys had to correct him. They were asking the people if they would trust Howard Stern or A-Rod more. A couple of the guys were saying they'd trust A-Rod more.
Howard said they found a line for the video game Zelda. He said he's never heard of this but they have a line blocks long for this game. Robin said she saw some people waiting in line for this. Howard played some audio of some clips Sal and Richard did with the people waiting on line for this game. One guy had a really odd, nerdy voice and he was explaining why he was there. Howard said this guy is an excited Zelda fan. Howard said that guy has the world's least sexy voice.
Howard played another interview with a guy who said he had been waiting on line for 5 days for this game. Howard said he's getting a little bit fed up with these people who have jobs and wait in line for a game. In the clip one guy was asked who he would sleep with from the game. The guy said he'd like to be with Link. He did an impression of a character from the game too.
Howard played another interview the guys did with a woman in line for the game. She was asked to but Howard in a game and she said she'd put him in a clown outfit and he'd scare everyone with his looks. Howard said he doesn't like this woman.
Howard played a clip of Riley Martin speaking in Bihavian and the guys had Mark the Bagger repeating him. Howard said Riley got Political on his show the other day and he never did play the clip. Howard said he thinks that Riley is on to another thing now. Howard asked if he played that clip. Robin said he did. Gary said they had it up to set up the prank call. Howard said that's right.
Howard played the Riley Martin clip where Riley is talking about the government shutdown. Howard said you can tell he's nervous because he's all over the place. He said the guys took some of those clips and called a political show with them. Howard played the prank call the guys made with the Riley clips. The host sounded kind of confused by Riley but he stuck with him. Howard said you can tell that he doesn't get many calls because he's sticking with Riley. They had Riley just saying 'Right, right...'' and things like that. The host stuck with him though. The guys called him back and had Riley saying ''And we're back...'' The host didn't stick with him much longer. Howard said they finally pissed the guy off. Howard said he knew Robin would like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Zelda games are classic Nintendo. He said he's shocked that no one there knew about it. Howard said most of his guys play the war games. The caller said that Zelda is a dude with a sword who looks for treasure.
Howard said if you want to keep your job then don't do that. Howard said the boss confronted the guy and told him it was weird and to cut it out. The guy said it's no different than people pulling his son aside and talking sports. He said that's not the right answer. Howard said you don't argue. He said he's like Benjy. Howard said Benjy argues over everything. The guy ended up getting teased for 2 straight days over that. He said that the office must be full of idiots. He said that you can't do that either. He said they teased him and then he was brought into the boss's office and fired for making everyone uncomfortable. Howard said the guy went to human resources. Howard said having a business these days is like having a kindergarten class.
Howard said the guy ended up getting another job somewhere else. Howard said he got better pay and better benefits too.
Howard said Beth is going to come in soon. He said she's going to talk about how great a husband he is. He said he assumes that's what she's going to be talking about.
Howard said Graham Nash was on last week and people are still contacting him about that. Howard said they have some new songs about Robin to play. Howard played a Little Mikey song where he sings about her vagina to the tune of Bruce Springsteen's ''I'm On Fire.'' Howard said he loves it. He said they have a new Psych song called ''Give Me Your Bone.'' He played that one too.
Howard said Robin did an interview with a woman who screwed up the name of her book. Howard played a clip of that quickly. He also played a clip of Wendy Williams giving Robin a shout out on her show. Wendy was talking about Robin not being there in the studio while she battled cancer. Howard said he cringes when they talk about the size of that tumor. Robin said they actually bring one out on Dr. Oz's show. Howard asked if it has veins and all of that. Robin said it does.
Howard asked if Wendy Williams is her friend on Facebook. Howard said he saw that she friended her on there. Robin said she doesn't think that's the real Wendy Williams. Howard said it has her picture but he knows it could be a fake. He said he didn't friend her back because he wanted to check with Robin first.
Howard said there was a Baba Booey with Keegan Bradley over the weekend. Howard played the clip where someone yelled out ''Baba Booey'' when Keegan took his shot. It was a very clear and loud ''Baba Booey.'' He said that Keegan loves that stuff. He said he's embraced the whole thing. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that he didn't want to hear that song. He said he's related to a guy in the band but he doesn't really want to hear that song. He said he recorded a song with the band but the song never was a hit. Howard said that song is cool but his cousin wasn't in the band at the time.
Howard said that Paul McCartney is coming in tomorrow and he spent the weekend listening to Beatles songs. He said he doesn't know when he'll get to speak to him again so he's going to be asking him everything he can. He said he's going to fire them all off at once. Howard said he let his mind go and wrote all of these things down while he listened. Howard said he had a ''mind sweep'' like they talk about in Getting Things Done. Howard said he has a million questions for Paul and this could be the last time he sees the guy. Howard said he put them on a list and Will is holding them in a special envelope. Howard said he'll be there and ask all of these questions.
Howard said Beth is running late because she's stuck in traffic. Robin said she's been reading that Howard was making funeral arrangements for her when he heard the news about her cancer. Howard said he wasn't going that far but he was thinking it could be the end.
Howard said when Robin came back they put rose petals all over the floor. Howard said he played a couple of announcements for her and one of them was from Oprah and President Obama. Howard replayed that and said that people really thought they were welcoming Robin back. Howard said a lot of people don't get what's going on there. He said that was actually for Robin Roberts when she came back from her cancer. Howard said that they couldn't get the Obamas and Oprah to call in.
Howard said he has a clip from Jeopardy where this guy gives an answer of Elaine and they tell him he's wrong. Howard played the clip and the answer was about the character Julia Louis Dreyfus played on Seinfeld. The guy had an accent but he said ''Elaine.'' They said he was wrong for the way he pronounced it. Howard said he thinks the guy got it right. He said that's discrimination if you ask him. Howard said it does send a message that he should learn to speak English the right way.
Howard said there's a fantasy football show on ESPN and ''Ronnie's Beard'' wrote a question for the show. Howard played the clip and the guys were wondering if that was from Ronnie the Limo Driver. They even quoted Ronnie in the segment.
Howard said one of the Howard 100 Reporters, Steve Langford, moved to CBS News and over the weekend he interviewed Ronnie for the CBS News because he lived in a neighborhood that was in the news. Howard said Ronnie was against a high school being built in the neighborhood. Howard said Ronnie is against anything to do with education. Howard played the clip for Robin. The neighbors were complaining about the school possibly being built there in their neighborhood. Ronnie was interviewed and said that neighborhood isn't the right place for a school. Howard did his impression of Ronnie and goofed on him about being against a school.
Howard asked Ronnie what's up with that. Gary said Ronnie is getting Beth in the building. Howard said that's more important than this. Howard said everyone remembers Steve Langford. He said they all love Steve. Howard said Ronnie must have been out there protesting when Steve found him. Howard did his Ronnie impression and goofed on him a little more. Howard said he always thinks about Sour Shoes calling Steve when he hears his voice. Howard said he has that prank call montage that the guys put together. Sal and Richard called Steve with clips of Sour Shoes over a long period of time and they got him all pissed off at Sour. Steve asked to speak to his parents. Howard said the best part for him is that this is Sal and Richard calling Steve with the clips. Steve eventually talks to someone he thinks is Sour's father and asks him to get his son under control. Sal and Richard kept calling Steve until he said he wants him to go to jail for this.
Howard said as a follow up to that call Sour is spending a life sentence in jail. He said he can't say what jail he's in though. Howard said Sour Shoes should know that Steve is covering real news now and not Howard 100 News.
Howard said that A-Rod is now saying he was duped into taking steroids. Howard said he can't believe that. Robin said no one is on his side anymore. Howard said he supports A-Rod and doesn't think he should be thrown out but he has to stop bullshitting like that.
Howard said his favorite story is that Casey Kasem's kids are being kept from visiting their father. Howard said his wife has him locked in the house and won't let anyone visit. Howard said the kids are outside with signs complaining that Jean Kasem won't let them visit. Howard said that's a real cool story. Robin said that's not cool. She's wondering what kind of shape Casey is in. Robin said the kids know they're not in the will anymore.
Gary said that he spoke to one of his daughters that works there at SiriusXM and she said they're not talking to the press anymore. They're taking legal action instead.
Howard said he saw that Kate Upton was walking down the street and she had pimples all over her face. Howard said that people were saying that she should get those cleared up. Howard said the only people upset about those pimples are women. Howard said guys will fuck her with or without pimples. Howard said guys will fuck anything. Howard said JD has a giant poster with a goiter on it that he jerks off to. Howard said he has to take a break so he can get to Beth. Gary said she's not up there yet. Howard said he told her to leave early. He said she's in trouble now. He said he might have to throw her out of there. Robin said Howard got on her case once for being late. Howard said he hates lateness. He said it drives him nuts.
Howard said he went out to diner with his cousins last night. He said they were in and out in under an hour. Robin said that's what happens in New York. They have the food ready quickly.
Howard said Halle Berry gave birth to a baby boy at the age of 47. Robin said she wasn't planning on that. It was a surprise. Howard said she started later in life having kids. Robin said this one was a total accident from what she read. Howard said it's not like she froze her eggs or anything. Howard said there are so many women that want to get pregnant at that age and they can't. Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about that.
Howard said he has a tape of a guy who is a spoken word artist. Howard said that means he can't sing. Howard said he was being interviewed on some TV show and he freestyles poetry. Howard said the woman asks him to do it and he just freezes up and can't do it. Howard played the clip and the guy says he's going to think it up as he's going along. He starts off with ''Years ago they...'' and then freezes up. He just sat there not saying anything. Then the woman asks him to read from his book. The guy did that instead. Howard said the whole world has gone mad. He said it's insane.
Howard said he's so glad that Michael Jackson's family lost their lawsuit. Howard said they were suing the concert promoters for hiring the doctor Michael wanted. Howard asked what kind of insane lawsuit that is. Robin said that Conrad Murray put out a statement and said he was crying. Robin said the jury said that Murray was unethical so maybe that's why he ended up crying.
Robin said that she was talking to the guy from Rolling Stone about how 12 hours of her life is gone because she was out for her operation. Robin said Michael Jackson actually asked for that stuff every night. Robin said she wonders how miserable his life was that he wanted to be like that.
Howard asked Gary about the litter he was bringing into the studio. Gary said Beth said the kittens have been farting so there's no telling what might happen. Howard said they have litter boxes all over their house for the foster kittens they have. Howard said the reason they have the litter box in there is so Richard can shit in it.
Howard did his Michael Jackson impression and said it would have been great if Dr. Murray had put Michael out for years so he didn't get to see his kids grow up. Howard did his Michael impression and pretended to wake up saying ''Holy shit, Paris has tits!'' Howard did an impression of her being menopausal.
Beth came in with four kittens. Beth said there was so much traffic coming in from the Hamptons. She said she has Loula, Sam, Penelope and Sweet Pea with her today. Howard said he loves Sweet Pea. He said he loves them all actually. He said when his wife started doing this he wasn't sure how he felt. Howard said they were going to kill these kittens because no one adopts them. Howard said Beth was going to take them and get them adopted. Howard said one thing led to another and now they've adopted out like 3 dozen. Beth said it's like 35 or 36. Howard said he had to do the math to figure this out. He was trying to figure out the dozen.
Beth told Howard he looks cute today. Howard said she looks cute too. Howard said she's going to be interviewing Robin later and she read her book (The Vegucation of Robin: How Real Food Saved My Life).
Beth said there are a couple of things in the book she wants to try. Beth said that Sam just pooped and missed the box. Howard said ''Uh oh!''
Howard said Beth brings these cats in and she socializes them. Beth said the kittens are in fine shape and they go right to North Shore Animal League. They check the cats out and make sure they're okay to come into their house. Beth said they stick around for a few weeks and then they're adopted out.
Howard said the kittens are so adorable. He said you get so attached to them. Howard said they've built friendships with the families that are adopting them. Beth said one family is adopting their third one today.
Howard said Maggie is one and she is from Boston. He had her on the phone. Maggie said she's not one of the people but she is inspired by what Howard and Beth are doing. She said she loves all of the pictures they post on Twitter.
Robin said this is a complete turn around for Howard. Robin said he didn't want anything to do with the cats. Beth said that Howard really didn't want to bring in that many cats but now they have four of their own. Howard said that they have Bella who is a cat that was abused. Howard said she only has one eye. Beth said North Shore went and rescued her and they had her kittens at their house. Beth said they sent her to a vet that removed one of her eyes. He said that she was able to sense shadows from one eye so they left that in. Beth said she's able to navigate around their house and she can even get to her litter pan. Howard said they're looking for a home for her too. Beth said all of their cats adore her.
Howard asked how they can get in touch to adopt. Beth said they can go through HowardStern.com or through the North Shore Animal League web site.
Beth said the adopters have been very good. She said they have a big gala coming up soon for Bianca's Furry Friends. Beth said that's coming up on the 22nd of November. She said Natalie Maines will be performing and so will Tom Cotter and a couple of other people. Rachel Ray will be receiving an award for what she's done for North Shore. Beth said it's going to be an amazing night.
Howard said to top it all off he takes pictures of Beth with the animals and they are selling a calendar with the photos. Howard said you can get that at AnimalLeague.org. Beth said Howard is on the back cover of the calendar. Howard said it's quite moving to be involved with this. He said that Beth brings in the animals to their house and gets them all cleaned up. Howard said Beth hands them off and she said she starts crying. Beth said that Sam's new family is there and she's going to miss him so much. She said Terri and Matt are going to adopt Loula. Howard said they have a thing up on HowardStern.com where Beth cries. Beth said you can find that on Facebook at Bianca's Furry Friends. Beth said they have video up and it's really great. Beth said they show the whole journey of her fist foster litter. Robin said she tried watching that but she was crying so much that she couldn't watch.
Beth was trying to figure out where all of the kittens were. One of them was in a crevice that Benjy had to get into. Benjy said that she was coming out. They were going to give Loula to her new family but she wasn't around. Eventually she just went right over to Beth.
Howard asked Beth to talk about this kitten that's in her arms. Howard said he wants to know what the special connection is. Beth said that she was an hour away from being euthanized. She said that she got word that they were going to be put down but they're so great. She started to cry. Howard said they named the kittens and Beth loves this little kitten Loula. Beth said their Charlie is in love with Loula too. Beth said that she knows all of the kittens so well that she knows which families will do best. Beth said that she asks them not to have them declawed.
Howard had Terri and Matt come in to get Loula. Howard asked how Lucy and Linus are doing because they adopted two others. Terri said that her husband called her and told her about how they were fostering kittens. That's how they found out about all of this. Howard said they adopted two already. They kept a brother and sister. Terri said that their two boys are really happy with the kittens. Howard said Beth is going to hand over Loula now. Beth asked them to promise to love them for the rest of her life. Terri thanked Beth for the kitten and Beth asked to give it one more kiss. Howard said they have a long ride left. Terri said she laid in the back of their SUV when they got the other two. Beth said that they're such a great couple. She said she loves them. She said she'd see them in the green room when she's done.
Beth said that Sam is on her lap and he's going to miss her. Beth said that's the one that Ronnie and Stephanie brought to their attention. Beth said that he's the life of the party now that he's been socialized. Beth asked if this is boring to the listeners. Howard said he doesn't know.
Howard got in a plug for the calendar and the Celebrity Gala that's happening on November 22nd. Howard said you can get tickets at AnimalLeague.org. You can get the calendar there too.
Howard said Beth spends so much time with the kittens. Howard said she barely spends any time with him. Howard said the cats are great and they have more that need to be adopted out. Howard asked Beth why she doesn't cry for him when he leaves. Robin said that's because he comes back. Beth said that's right.
Howard took a call from Wheels who asked if Beth covered up when she went out with JD because Howard asked her to. Howard said she didn't cover up at all. He said that he's not the Taliban. Beth said JD was a good date other than saying ''shit'' while she was sitting next to Dan Rather. Beth said that JD just kept saying it but it wasn't embarrassing to her at all. She said he was delightful and she'd take him out on a second date. Beth said he looked great too. She thanked Ronnie and the guys for setting him up with that suit.
Howard said Beth said that she was embarrassed when JD finished on the red carpet. Beth said JD was chewing gum on the red carpet. She said that he was also poking the director on the back while he was being interviewed.
Beth said that she told JD that he looked good that night and he just said thanks and didn't say anything to her. Howard asked if his hand was clammy too. Beth said it was. JD came in and said it wasn't clammy. Howard asked JD why he was saying ''shit'' around Dan Rather. He said it shows a poor command of the language. JD said nothing else came to mind at the point. Beth said he would end every sentence with ''...and shit.'' Beth said they had a lot of fun. They both thought the movie ''Gravity'' was great too. Howard said they have to add ''and shit'' when they do their impressions of JD.
Howard and Fred did their impressions of JD and added that ''and shit'' to his lines. Beth said JD was rally happy to see Regis at the movie. JD said he's like angry funny and he likes that. Howard said Regis tells stories in a way that JD likes.
Wheels asked how Beth smelled. JD said she smelled fine. He said he didn't sniff her like a dog. JD said there was a lot of things going on in his head. Beth said he was a good date. JD sent her a thank you note and Beth said that she liked that too. Howard said Beth was the victim of his first thank you note. Howard said JD didn't have a note card so he just sent it on a piece of paper. Howard said he sent it on plain old paper. Howard said he opened up the envelope and he thanked him first and then Beth. It was right below the note to him that he thanked Beth. He just put it all on one sheet of paper. Howard said no one taught JD anything. He said he and Gary are going to start teaching JD how to do this kind of stuff. Howard said JD should have put his thank you note to Ronnie, Jon and Gary on the same paper and he could have passed it around. JD said his mom never taught him how to do this stuff. JD said he knows he should thank people but he never sent notes.
Howard asked JD if he likes that he knows that he should do this stuff. JD said he feels that it's something... thank you... He didn't know what to say. He was all over the place. JD said when someone does something for him he would rather do something for them that's just as good instead of sending a thank you note. He said he'd rather give them a gift in return.
Howard said that JD knows how to wipe his ass. He taught him how to do that. Howard asked Beth how the kittens are doing. Beth said Sam is on her lap and Sweet Pea just pooped. Howard asked how JD feels about the kittens. JD said he likes animals. He's had pets before. He said he took care of a blind dog. Howard said if he had a cat the cat would eat the mice in his apartment. Howard had him old one. JD didn't sound like he wanted to. Howard said that kitten is so cute. Howard asked if he feels anything. JD said it's fine. Howard said poor JD. He said he looks like he's choking her. Beth said he's really not. JD said he knows how to hold a cat. JD said he can barely take care of himself so he doesn't want a cat. Howard said that's a good point.
Wheels asked when Howard's contract is up. Howard said he has 2 more years. Wheels said this might have been a test because he might have to adopt JD when this is over. Howard said he doesn't think so.
Howard asked Beth if she wanted to hand off another kitten. Beth said she would do it off the air. They ended up bringing in the next couple. It was Jonathan and his wife. Howard asked how they found out about the kittens. Jonathan said they listened to the show. Howard said they saved the cats from death row. Howard thanked them for saving them. Howard said Beth is upset again. Beth said that Sam was so great and she thinks he's the sweetest little thing. Howard said that it's hard to let go because they've lived in their house. Beth said she knows that they'll be great. She said this was her special case so it's very hard for her. Howard said they can post on Bianca's Furry Friends on Facebook. Jonathan said that they will post pictures. Howard thanked them for coming in and then went over Beth's plugs again. Howard asked that everyone buy a calendar or more. Beth said that there's another cat they got at North Shore that was stuffed in a cat carrier. She said they had to cut it out of the carrier. She said when they adopt out this blind cat she wants to take that one in.
Gary was playing with a kitten and Beth said that he adopted a couple of cats from North Shore too. Gary said his wife has told him ''no more pets'' now. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said it's time for news. He played a song for Robin to get her into her news. Howard said that was good advice in the song. It was Psych singing ''Let Them Loose.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said that was the worst shitty radio he's heard in his life. Howard said he's trying to do something nice. The caller said that was so phony. The guy asked when he's going to pay him his million dollars. Howard said he hates that guy. He hung up on him.
Howard said he has a heart and he shows that once in a while. Howard said he's not a hard ass. He said he has a heart.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he married a Yenta. Howard said he can't attack his wife. The guy said Howard is a big faggot. Howard told him to bring his cock down there and he'll cut it right off. Howard said that's his wife he's talking about. Howard said he doesn't mind being a faggot if that's what it means. He said he's proud to be the number one faggot. Howard said they're miserable cunts. Howard said he knew he'd get shit for having his wife on with his kittens. Howard said just go to a shelter and watch them get euthanized and you'll change. Howard said you can call him a faggot and the n-word all you want. Howard said he's with anyone out there who has been called a faggot. He said he's as queer as a three dollar bill.
Howard said he knows they took a turn with the cats and the crying. He said it's part of his life and he felt it was good enough to share. He said that's it. He said everyone wants him to be a hard ass and he's had it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why he and Beth aren't vegan if they're so into animals. Howard said they only eat fish. He said they love cats and they're trying to get them homes. Howard said he's sick of all of this shit anyway.
Another caller said he sounds kind of tough today. He asked if he thinks that he could take Jerry Seinfeld in a fight. Howard said he has lost 98 percent of the fights in his life so he probably can't. Howard said he's mostly lost his fights. Howard said in his defense he has fought the best fighters in the world. Howard said they were born to fight. Howard said they were like world contenders.
The caller said that he became a fan when Howard had the TV show and had Iggy Pop on. He said he got under his skin so good that he got him to walk off the show. Howard said he didn't recall that. He thanked him for the call anyway.
Howard said now he's in a bad mood. He said everything was fine but now fuck everyone. He said now he's cranky.
Robin got to her news and read a story about a zoo worker that was attacked by a tiger. Robin said she stuck her arm in the cage and that's against the rules there. Robin said the worker violated the zoo rules.
Robin said that the days of privacy are over. Howard said of course they are. Howard said everyone has a phone and a computer and they're all over Facebook and all of that. Robin said smartphones know everything. They know where people go, what they buy, when they go to bed and much more. Robin said they're looking to do individual advertising based on what these phones and computers know. Howard said he's so happy he changed the font on his phone. He said he doesn't care that his phone tracks him. He said that doesn't bother him.
Howard took a call from Hanzi who said that he loves how Howard loves kittens but he has no problem torturing Wack Packers. Howard said he gives them a home. Hanzi said that he should ask him how he's doing. Howard said he isn't a wack packer. Hanzi said he still tortures him though. Howard said he's the only one on this planet that talks to him normally. Hanzi basically confirmed that but he thinks Howard does all of these things that put him in the situation that he's in. Hanzi said that Howard is wrong about Lauryn Hill too. That led to Hanzi saying that he doesn't believe Howard even grew up in Roosevelt. Howard asked if he believes in the Holocaust. Hanzi said of course he does. Howard said saying he didn't grow up in Roosevelt is like saying to a Jew that there was no Holocaust.
Hanzi said that Howard has been friends with a lot of people in Canada. Howard asked who they are. Hanzi told him to say who they are. Howard said he has to go. Hanzi said he owes him. Howard asked what he owes him. Hanzi said he owes him a living. Howard told him to go out and get his own. He said he has to stop looking for hand outs. Hanzi said he gives everyone opportunities but he jerked him around. Howard said Shuli told him about him and his phone. Howard said he heard he has his mother's number listed as ''home/hell''. Howard said that's really nice. Hanzi was cracking himself up at a lot of things he was saying. He was laughing at Robin for having a father that molested her. Howard told Hanzi to go get a job. Hanzi said Howard controls everything up there so he can't get one. Howard hung up on him saying he couldn't handle it anymore.
Robin read a story about how they're doing a play about Dr. Ruth. Robin read some details about that and said she thinks it's a play. Howard imagined Pam Anderson playing the part of Dr. Ruth in that. Howard did an impression of her doing her impression of Dr. Ruth. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about 4 Saudi men who are going to get jail time and 2000 lashes for dancing naked on a car. Howard said he loves that. He said at least they're punishing guys for doing something.
Robin read a story about a bartender that won $17,500 thanks to a customer who gave her a keno ticket as a tip. The bartender tried to give it back to the customer but he insisted that she keep it. Howard said that's the one story where that kind of tipping worked out. He said most of the time the guy was giving her nothing as a tip.
Robin read a story about the foods that athletes are promoting that really aren't good for you. Robin said they feel that they're sending a bad message to the kids who follow them. Howard said he was looking at the cereal in the grocery store with Jerry and he saw that most of the stuff is loaded with sugar. He said that stuff isn't good for you.
Robin read a story about what's in a chicken nugget. Robin read the details and it was all scraps. Robin said there are blood vessels and fat and other body parts. Howard asked Fred if he gives any of that to his daughter. Fred said she knows that McDonald's is poison. Howard said his kids were never really into it. Fred said his daughter will just say no if they ask if she wants to go there. Howard asked if he lets his daughter watch TV. Fred said they do. He said she watches more than he'd like. He said she likes the stuff on Disney. Howard said he'd kill himself if he didn't get to watch TV.
Howard said one of the women who is adopting a kitten is one of those people who doesn't let their kid watch TV. Howard asked Gary to have her come in. Her name was Heather. Howard asked Heather if they don't let their kids watch TV at all. Heather said they don't have TV at home. She said they do watch at their grandmother's house. She said she didn't have TV in the house 25 years ago. She said she can't stand TV. She said they'd be in front of it all the time if they had it. She said they might get it next year if the Steelers are doing well. Heather said they send their kids to the Waldorf school and they ask that they limit their TV watching until they're 10 years old. Howard said he would have killed himself if he didn't have TV growing up. He said that's his whole career. He said he'd be doing a shitty job somewhere. Gary said he wouldn't work there if he didn't own a TV when he was growing up.
Beth said that this is the woman who made Robin the Wishbone that she's wearing on the cover of her book. Howard said that he already got yelled at by half of his listeners for doing the interview earlier.
Gary said his son got the game Grand Theft Auto V and he watched it for the first time. He said his son robbed a liquor store and then ran someone over. He asked his son not to let him see that again.
Heather told Howard they do watch shows but they watch them on the internet. She said she's seen The Sopranos and shows like that. She said she can't stand commercials. She said that over and over.
Howard asked if Beth is crying out there. Beth said that it's going fine. She said she doesn't want to bore the audience. Howard said he told the listeners that he has a heart and if they don't want to hear it... Heather said they are doing the most amazing work ever. She said she has seen some shit that's appalling and Howard is doing so much good with this fostering. She said they're fostering death row kittens. Heather said that these cats are going to have the best life ever. Robin said they don't get to watch TV though.
Gary said Howard called a guy the C-word when he was bad mouthing Beth. Howard said he loves his wife. He asked her if she loves him too. Beth said she does.
Howard let Beth and Heather go and said that he knows Beth is upset with him for cutting her off. He said he can tell he's in big trouble. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Madonna claiming that she was raped at knife point when she first move to New York. Robin said she doesn't say what age she was at the time of the rape. Robin said that's not a very warm welcome.
Robin read about a meteor shower that will reach its peak at sunset. Robin said they say that it will be a good year to watch because the moon won't ruin the viewing with its reflection.
Robin asked Howard about the idea of splitting an engagement ring. Howard said he thinks a man should buy a woman the ring. Robin said there are some women who will help buy the ring so they can get what they want and not make their man go broke doing it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they make his life. He said people giving him crap over the cat thing is crazy. Howard said that he's had it with those people. The caller welcomed Robin back too. He wished them a good life and got off the line.
Robin read a story about the kid who played the son in ''The Shining.'' Robin said that she has wondered what happened to him. Howard said he's never thought about him. Robin said he grew up to have a normal life and never really had another good role. Robin read that Stephen King has written a sequel to that movie ''The Shining'' that will be coming out.
Robin read about this motorcycle group that attacked a person in a Range Rover. Robin said that they're now saying that there were a couple of cops in the group that did nothing to stop the attack. Robin said it was a regular citizen that stopped the attack. Robin read about what the guy did and how he felt he had no choice but to help this family that was being attacked. Robin had some audio of the guy talking about how he told the guys to let it go and leave them alone. Howard said that's a good man.
Robin read about who is getting the Nobel prize this year.
Robin read a story about some people who are going to try to run across the United States. Robin said this should take 3 years based on how many miles the 93 year old will be running.
Robin read a story about a 9 year old who got through security and on a plane without a ticket. Robin said the boy got on a Delta flight and through security without a ticket.
Robin read a story about a couple of raids that took place in Somalia this weekend. Robin said they caught an Al Queda operative that we were looking for. Robin had some audio of someone making a statement about that.
Robin had some audio of Bono from U2 talking about the health crisis in the world. Robin said that foreign aid from the United States has helped a lot with that.
Robin had some audio of someone talking about the government shutdown and how we won't be paying our bills if they don't get back up and running. Robin said October 17th is a key date for us to get back up and running. We could be in default if we don't have enough cash to pay our bills.
Robin read about an organic molecule that could extend the life of battery powered electronics. Robin had some audio of someone talking about this new thing that could make batteries last much longer. Howard said that guy sounded like Mr. Methane. He said he didn't like what he was saying.
Robin read about the movie Gravity making over $55 million at the box office in the opening weekend. Robin said that's a new record for October. Robin said the movie is getting great reviews from the people who went to see it. Robin said it had 91 percent positive reviews.
Robin said Miley Cyrus was on Saturday Night Live this weekend. Robin had some audio from the show where she talked about how she won't play Hannah Montana on the show that night. She also had some audio of Miley talking about how she wouldn't be Twerking on the show that night. Robin had audio of her singing on the show too.
Robin said they had a streaker at the golf tournament Howard played a clip from earlier. Howard said they did and he thinks it was Scott DePace. Robin said it was a girl so she thinks it wasn't Scott. Howard apologized and ended the show a short time later. They were done at 10:25am.
Jon and Gary talked about the wires that hang under Howard's desk and how he ends up kicking them and they make the monitors black out. Gary said Scott told him that it was impossible for them to black out like that. Gary said Scott went to look at them and Howard showed him how they go out. He said that Scott finally said ''Oh wow.'' Gary said Howard told him that he had to wrap those wires up and Scott answered him sarcastically and he could tell Howard was pissed about that.
Jon said he has to get Ronnie in there to talk about the school that he was talking about on the news. Gary said the real story is that Langford and Ronnie were reunited in that story.
Jon and Gary talked about how important TV was to them when they were growing up. They were talking about Beth's friend who doesn't have TV.
Jon said they have to interrupt since Scott just came in. Gary said Scott was being sarcastic with Howard today. Scott said he really wasn't. He said they thought the wires were out of the way there. Gary said they obviously weren't. Scott said they're going to take care of them. He said they're going to get them off the floor and make sure they're not hanging. Scott said they have to move some things but they'll get it taken care of.
Gary asked Scott why he said it was impossible that the wires were making the screens black out. Scott said he thinks that most of those wires have nothing to do with the screens blacking out. Scott said they've been through it before. He said that the screens for the Prophet system black out when it's updating. Scott said he thinks it's a weird coincidence. Gary said he thinks that down there in the mix of wires there is a power strip that controls the monitors and shouldn't be near Howard's foot. Scott said he doesn't believe that.
Jon said he's going to move on to Scott's orgasm clip. He asked if he was joking around with that. Scott said he was kind of joking around with that. He said he was making a reference to that ''Easy Evan'' comment he made once.
Gary said Sal and Richard asked him to do the same thing. He asked Scott if his was based in reality at all. Scott said he's much more quiet when he's doing it. Jon asked if Sal and Richard got his callback. Scott said he thinks so. Jon asked whose was the creepiest. Gary said it was Scott's. Benjy said he found Scott's to be the least sincere. He said Ronnie's sounded real to him.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks Ronnie is quiet like Scott is. Gary said most guys don't scream. He said that happens in movies.
The guys spent a minute taking about that sexy voice guy and about who has the sexy voices on the show. They went to break after that.
Ronnie said he got a thank you from JD and that was enough. He said he doesn't need a note. He said JD told him the other day that it was the nicest thing anyone had done for him and that meant a lot to him.
Jon asked Ronnie if he's ever been late for Howard. Ronnie said he hasn't. Gary said Howard had a dinner for them one night and Benjy showed up late. Benjy said he was all sweaty and it was horrible. Jon said that's a big no-no for Howard. Benjy said he was like 30 minutes late for the dinner and that's not that late. Gary said there is no window for Howard. He said Howard would be there at 5 of 7 if the dinner was at 7.
Jon asked Ronnie why he's protesting this high school. Ronnie said he lives on a dead end street and they're not going to be able to get people and busses in and out of there. He said there is a lot of property not that far away that could be used. He said he's worried about the traffic. Jon said it sounds like he's more upset about the school. Ronnie said it is a high school and they're big kids. He said it would just be insane. Ronnie said they had a guy organizing a little rally on Wednesday night. He said he heard they were doing something on Saturday too. He said he hear someone yelling across his driveway over his gates. It was Langford. He said Stephanie went out to see who it was and she told him it was Steve Langford. Ronnie said he went out and ended up talking to him. He said it was just at the end of his street. Ronnie said Langford had been to his house and he had a feeling he knew the house.
Jon asked if they had any rally signs going or anything like that. Ronnie said they had signs but they weren't chanting or anything.
Gary asked if Ronnie was ever in the service. Ronnie said he was in the Air Force. He said he was at Andrews Air Force base. Gary asked if he's ever protested anything before. Ronnie said he hasn't. He said being in the Air Force was like being in a country club. He said he was behind a desk and it was great. He said his uncle was in the Air Force and he was part of the crew that was in the air when Air Force One would take off.
Jon asked what he did at the desk. Ronnie said he took phone calls and did KP once in a while. He said he was in the best shape of his life when he went through basic training.
Jon asked Ronnie what's going on with that piece of property in his neighborhood. Ronnie said it's in foreclosure right now but they're trying to hold on to it. He said they were going to put a bunch of houses there but now they're not sure what's going to happen.
Ronnie said he's thinking about moving away from New York. He said he'd like to move to Nevada. He said he likes Las Vegas. He said he has friends that live there and they live in nice places. He said they don't have any state taxes or anything.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to talk about this JD thing. He said that it's getting old. He said Howard is feeding off of it though and it's not right. He said he wanted to hear what JD is going to do when Howard leaves some day.
Gary said that he's confused. He said that there is no shtick with JD at all. He said he's who he is on the air. Benjy said if he wants to work in media then why can't he. The caller said he talks about wanting to be a writer and he could have Howard help him out but he just sits there and pisses it all away. Jon said he's very good at his job though. He said that he's great at pulling the stuff Howard is going to want. Benjy said it's a full time job too.
The caller said that they had that guy who went off to ride his bicycle. He said Howard bitched about that. He said that he likes people who do stuff like that but then he turns on JD. He said it's just really weird to hear it.
Gary said JD always wanted to direct but he's never really done anything. The guys talked about how JD has never really even tried to do it. Jason said JD has never even gone to Howard TV to ask to direct anything. Benjy said that he and Jason want to lose weight but they don't really go and try. Jason said he's never said that's his goal in life. He said that he thinks that JD loves the idea. He said he was just on the red carpet and he could have said something to someone there but he doesn't do anything. He said he's surrounded by opportunity and he never uses it. Gary said JD has had the opportunities. They had to take another break after that.
Ronnie said Sam the cat was in his house for 3 days. He said there were two and one died. He said that his girlfriend brought it to the vet and bottle fed it until it got where it was. He said that Beth took it in after that. Ronnie said he has 3 dogs in the house and he's not sure it would work out. He said he doesn't trust one of the dogs with any animal. He said he has his son's dog in his house right now and it's 7 months old and weighs 75 pounds already. He said it's going to be about 150 pounds when it's fully grown. Ronnie said the dog is huge but it falls over its own feet. He said he calls him the Big Dummy.
Jason said they have a cat and dog but they don't love each other. He said he brought a new kitten that came in and it swiped the dog across the nose and they've been fine since.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Howard babies JD more than the other guys there. He said that Howard doesn't call him out on anything but that thank you note. He said he always called Artie and Benjy out on stuff they did.
Gary said Jason has a theory about that. He said he thinks that he's helping JD get his shit together. He said they got JD when he was like 21 or 22. He said now he's 33 or 34 and he's not a kid anymore. They're not doing him any favors by treating him like a kid. Jason said JD pays his dues there but he thinks that a lot of the audience and people there think he's a kid. He said he's a 33 year old man and he has to start taking responsibility for his life. Benjy said he doesn't fight back either so that's something he needs to do.
Jason said he thinks that JD should be shopping for his own suit and things like that. He said he's spent the last 10 years there thriving with his career and a lot of times he's treated like a 20 year old around there. Ronnie said he agrees with a lot of that but he didn't learn a lot as a kid. He said he's learning now like a teenager would. He said he wanted him to get out there when they had the block party thing going on. He said the thing with the clothes is because he never really went shopping.
Gary said everything they do for JD they're doing as a friend. They're not doing it for his job. Jason said he needs to grow up a little.
Jon asked JD if he feels like he's treated like a kid around there. JD said there are some times when he does. He said he really doesn't need it put out in the forefront. He said he doesn't need people saying that he's not a good looking guy and things like that. He said he knows something and he doesn't need it put out there. JD said he has an inner struggle that wants to better himself at certain things and he is trying but he's not good with change. Jon asked if he'd rather just be left alone. JD said sometimes he would. JD said he to focus on a lot of things in his life. Gary said he does too though. He said he has kids and other things to concentrate on.
Gary asked JD if he would rather have things the way they are or would he rather just be the guy who does his job quietly. JD said it's a catch 22. He said he assumed he would be behind the scenes when he got there. He said the first time they put him on the air was when Lonnie came in from Scores and they brought him to a strip club. He said he wishes that would happen again.
Jon asked JD who he has learned the most from there. JD said he's learned a lot from everyone. He said he can't name just one.
Jon asked JD about saying ''and shit'' at the movie premiere. JD said Beth could have nudged him and said something. He said he would have stopped cursing if he knew. JD said he's not even sure what they were talking about. Jon wrapped up and ended the show around 11:20am.
Howard started the show talking about how he was talking to Gary, Jon and JD about how in Australia they fired their government after a shutdown. That was back in 1975. Howard read an article about that and how they had fired the government and held a special election to hire a new one. Howard said he and Jesse Ventura are going to go to that. Howard said that Jesse actually put a petition out there for people to sign. He read about what Ventura did and how he thinks they should pro-rate our taxes. They shouldn't be getting paid either. Howard said Jesse thinks that they don't deserve to be in office. Howard said they're supposed to be loyal to the citizens of the country not to lobbyists and special interest groups. Howard said Jesse is saying they're no better than terrorists.
Howard said there's an article in Forbes (The Baba Booey Voting Bloc: I Take A Jesse Ventura and Howard Stern Ticket Very Seriously) today about how they shouldn't laugh at a Ventura - Stern ticket. Howard said the guy made some good points in that. Howard said he can't run but this article is really good. Howard read through that article quickly and gave Robin some of the highlights. Howard said he didn't read through the whole thing. He said he understands that they would win... kind of. Howard said it's not exactly a joke. Howard said everyone in Minnesota took Jesse Ventura as a joke but he ended up winning and was elected governor.
Howard said he doesn't know where to go to sign the petition that Jesse has. Robin said you need to know that. Howard said you'd think he would. Gary looked it up and said there's a link they'll tweet out now @sternshow.
Howard said that Eric the Actor and Jeff the Drunk will be calling in at 7 today. They're going to audition for a part an the director will make a decision on who to hire. Howard said there are NASA scientists not being paid but Jeff and Eric will be able to keep getting their checks.
Howard said that he would like to thank everyone who adopted kittens yesterday. He said that the cat shit smell in there today is actually Benjy who didn't get to shower. Howard said a bunch of nice people came in and adopted those cats. He said someone tried to adopt Gary but he had to explain that he's not from the Congo. Robin said Gary is theirs and they get to keep him.
Howard said he's shocked that the cat was the first one to shit in the studio. He figured that with Beetlejuice and Wendy the Retard coming in there you'd think someone would have had an accident before.
Howard said George Clooney must have a great life. He said his movie is at number 1. He said eventually he's going to get to fuck every woman on the planet.
Howard said there's this motorcycle gang thing that happened there in New York. Howard said they keep bringing up that there was an off duty police officer in the gang and he didn't do anything when the attack happened. Howard said the guy was off duty. Howard said he doesn't do radio when he's off duty. Robin said they're now saying he was under cover and not just off duty.
Howard said he has audio of Robin on Dr. Oz. Howard said he's going to blush now. Howard played the clip and Dr. Oz was talking to Robin about how Howard handled all of this. Robin was saying that she called Howard to talk about what was happening to her and what they could do about it. Robin talked about how Howard was with her every step of the way once he found out what was going on. Howard said he's not going to do this for just anyone. He told Fred he's on his own. Fred said he knows that. Howard said he says this with peace and love but he's too busy to help anyone else.
Howard said he's coming off like a saint. Howard said Robin went on and on and it was great. Robin said she did an interview with Beth yesterday. Howard said he heard it went well. Robin said it was so emotional. She said both of them were crying. Howard asked if it was because his name was in it. Robin said it was. Robin said Beth did an amazing job with the interview. She said it was unlike any interview she's done.
Howard played more of Robin's Dr. Oz interview. Robin was talking about the treatment she had to get and how Howard was there to help. She said Howard told her that they were going to get her the best treatment they could get. Robin said she called Howard to thank him for the help and he told her that he wasn't done.
Howard said Oprah found Dr. Oz and she must own that show. Robin said she thinks she does. Howard said she must be worth a fortune just from that. Howard said she started Dr. Phil on his own show too. Robin said she thinks that he went off and did his own thing but she did help him get started.
Howard said Scarlett Johansson was named the sexiest woman alive by Esquire magazine. Robin said they left her off that list once again.
Ronnie said he heard yelling out in his driveway and Stephanie told him she thought it was Langford. That's who it was. Ronnie said there's another area where they could put the school and there's plenty of room there. Howard said no one cares. Ronnie asked why he asked him. Howard said he made a mistake.
Howard said there's a guy on the phone who wants to talk to Ronnie. Howard said his name is Leroy. It was Sal calling in from the back office. Leroy told Howard that he's 42 but he's in the 9th grade. Howard said Sal is a racist too. Ronnie said Leroy has the ugliest cock he's ever seen.
Howard said Sal and Richard called a woman and told her that her husband's Viagra was ready to be picked up. Howard played the call and Sal spoke to this woman telling her that her husband wants to hump her. She said this pisses her off. She said she's 79 and he's 81. She ended up hanging up on Sal. Then Richard called letting her know that the Viagra was ready to go. The woman freaked out.
Howard said that's what he thought was really going on. He said women are actually disgusted by men. Howard said there it is. He said he has to take a break because they have a lot coming up. He said he has Paul McCartney coming in and he only has like 30 minutes with the guy. Howard said he's like the woman on the phone who doesn't want to have fun. Howard said he has a new album out and that's the reason he's there. Howard said he had an Epiphany and he figured he had better ask every question he can because he may never get to interview the guy again. Robin said she sees that they put the guests names on the green room door now. Howard said he forgot that Robin hasn't been there lately. They went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she wanted to thank him for the kittens they got from them. They got Ozzy and Billy. The woman put her daughter on the phone to thank Howard. She said she likes them a lot. Howard asked if they're eating their food and using their litter box. She said they are. Howard let them go and told them to have a nice day.
Howard said he's doing good. Robin said he's performing miracles. Howard said Fred is one of them. He said you should have seen him before he got a hold of him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said ''fuck cancer'' and then said that he's really excited about Paul McCartney coming in. He said it's a thrill and a half for him. He asked Howard to ask him how pissed off he is about Yoko Ono not giving him the writing credit of ''McCartney Lennon'' on it. Howard said he has already talked about that with him. Howard said he's tired of the whole Yoko thing. He said he really doesn't care. He said Paul has said that he doesn't think that Yoko broke them up. He said that Yoko was also key in John writing ''Imagine'' so he's not going to bash her in the interview. Howard said they've already covered that.
The caller asked if he thinks he'll answer what the best Beatles album is. Howard said he thinks that they went to something really deep from being a pop band. He said that Rubber Soul and Revolver were two key albums. He said that he thinks they're the most important. Howard said he'll see what Paul has to say about that. The caller said he thinks that Help is the most underrated album out there.
Howard said he wants to talk to Paul about how they once said that they're bigger than Jesus. Howard said he thinks they're right. Howard said no one has ever done what they've done.
Howard said Paul wants to be remembered for his song ''Maybe I'm Amazed'' because that was about his wife Linda.
Howard took a call from a guy who was doing Howard's mother and saying that Robin has to get her deep rest and stay healthy. The guy said he's a big fan. Robin said she's hearing Ray's voice in her head lately. The caller said that Robin is great and it's great to have her back. Howard did his impression of his mother Ray and talked about how busy Robin is. He was telling her to get rest and stop working so much. Howard was doing that impression and the caller was trying to get in on it too. He was telling Robin that she was under stress and that's why she got her tumor. Ray was telling Robin that it's going to take years to recover and she has to lay down and rest. Robin said they do say that the stress of the operation can kill people too.
The caller kept interrupting so Howard shushed him as his mother. The guy said that he wants to help sell calendars for the North Shore Animal League. The guy said he wanted to start an outreach program to sell them. Howard said he has a radio show to sell them. He thanked him for the call and let him go.
Howard got back to doing his mother's voice and continued to tell Robin she needs to rest. Robin asked what she thinks of Howard in all of this. Ray said ''Never mind Howard.'' She said that Howard is her property. She told Robin that Howard has been taught to be respectful from an early age. She said that she made sure that Howard played with dolls as a child. She said he used puppets instead of dolls but that's how she got him to play. She said she taught him to respect her and get in touch with her feelings. She said that Howard spent his childhood pleasing her. She said it doesn't surprise her that he treated Robin this way. Ray said everything she did is the reason Howard is the way he is.
Howard did his impression of his father Ben too. Howard had him asking who was on the phone and asking ''What?'' a bunch of times. Ben had a hard time hearing what Ray was saying.
Robin asked Ray what she thought about Howard growing his hair out long and things like that. Ray told her to just worry about herself and not about anyone else. She told Robin to rest. Ben was calling Ray so she said she had to go. They had to eat breakfast. Ray asked Ben if he wanted to talk to Robin. Ben said he just wanted to eat breakfast. Ray told Robin to get rest and that she's very proud of her.
Howard asked if his mom was mad at him. She said she'd talk to him later. Howard said Robin got her pissed at him.
Howard played a clip of JD talking to Ava Devine about the first time she put a lava lamp up her ass. JD was asking her what movie that was. She didn't remember the name of it. Howard said she was saying that she can take a guy back to her hotel room if she sees someone there that she likes.
Howard played another clip of JD talking to Rikki Sixx about the government shutdown. She said that they're at fault because they shut themselves down. JD asked her about Obamacare and Rikki said she knows it has to do with health care. She said that someone told her that we might be going to war over it. She said that's not good. Howard wondered what she does all day other than jerking off.
Howard said he learned a lot from this one. This is Asa Akira. JD asked her how she prepares for an anal scene. She said that she does a cleansing ritual for about 24 hours before. She said she avoids beets because she was shooting an anal scene one day and she had a pool of bright red under her. She said it turns out the red was from the beets. She said that it's best not to eat Beets the night before doing anal.
Howard played another interview where JD was talking to someone about the most disgusting thing that happened to her. She said she got pooped on by a MILF. She said the girl was sitting on her face and she ended up shitting on her. Howard said he's never done anything like that. He said it's a horrible world out there.
Howard said Tan Mom was at the Exxxotica thing. Howard said that Jenna Jameson was there too and Tan Mom got into it with her. Howard said from what he understands they have booths there and Tan Mom got upset because her booth was being blocked by the guys there for Jenna. Gary said he heard that Tan Mom had no line of people but she had a lot of media there.
Howard played the audio of JD talking to Tan Mom (Patricia Krentcil). She was saying that some whore was blocking her. She was talking about Jenna Jameson. Tan Mom said she's ugly and she had to move because she wasn't into that. JD told Tan Mom that Sal misses her. She got close to the microphone and said she's coming for Sal. Howard said that's her sexy voice. Howard did an impression of that voice and had Fred doing his Herman Munster voice as Tan Mom.
Howard played a clip of JD talking to the Star sisters, Natalia and Natasha. They were saying that they do things on film together but not together. They don't touch each other. They just do scenes together. JD asked the girls if they would sleep with him. One said she would if she was drunk and super horny. Howard said you don't ask the question if you don't want to hear the answer.
Howard said he wanted to hear what the guys sound like down there. Howard said one guy was there who said he cums in his pajamas. Howard said this guy talks about jerking off at home. The guy told JD who he likes to jerk off to and her name is Kendra Lust. He said he will finish in his pajamas if he's too lazy to finish in a tissue. Howard said that's gross. He said he'd never do that. Howard said he always cums into a tissue. He said sometimes he rips through them. Howard said it's so disgusting.
Howard said JD asked one girl what it's like to swallow and she said it's like swallowing a lougie. Howard said he had to take a break after that. JD said that some girls say that it's chunky sometimes. Howard said she's probably with the Quaker Oats guy.
Howard played another clip where a porn star was talking about using a hair spray bottle to get off. She said she just shoved it in. She said she was at an all girl boarding school and there were no men around. She also told JD about the biggest penis she's had being Lexington Steel. She said another guy was thicker than a Coke can. Howard wrapped up with that and went to break.
Howard said that he has John Strauss on the phone and he's making a movie called The Brag. Howard asked who is in it. John said they have about a dozen YouTube stars who will play cameos in the movie. Howard asked what that's about. John said they have many channels on there with subscribers in the millions. He mentioned a few of those. Howard said he's a little nervous about this. He said he knows he's a legitimate guy though. He produced that show Mary McCormack was on (In Plain Sight).
Howard said he has Eric the Actor and Jeff the Drunk on the phone. Eric welcomed Robin back to the studio and said he's glad she's okay now. Howard said Jeff has come to the party a little later. He said Eric started the acting role thing on the show. Howard said Jeff is getting into it because he's ready to pick up the slack where Eric might let it go.
Howard said there is a part for a gay owner of a shop but Eric has refused to audition for that role. Eric said that's correct. Howard said Eric doesn't want anyone to think he's gay. Eric said he wants to be a method actor and he doesn't want to put in the method of being gay. Howard asked him to explain method acting. Eric said he's heard that Dustin Hoffman is a method actor and he tries to be the role before he appears on camera. Robin asked if he would have to have gay sex. Jeff said Eric already has. Eric said he has not ''you dumb fuck.''
Howard said Eric would just have to pretend to be gay. He said if he plays a guy who kills himself then what does he do. Eric said he can't go all the way or he can't play the role. Howard said Eric won't be gay in this movie The Brag.
Howard said Eric can be gay without researching it. Robin said Al Pacino has played gay roles. Jeff said he would have taken the gay role. Jeff isn't a method actor though.
Howard asked John about what he wants to hear. They have a page from the script for this character Harvey who is a homeless guy on the Venice boardwalk. John said he's recently hooked up on a date from the instruction of a character who teaches him.
Howard asked who wanted to go first. Eric said Jeff can go first. Howard said Harvey is a straight guy. John confirmed that. Howard said John will give them an answer about who is getting the part after hearing the auditions. Howard said he wants to make sure that Harvey has never looked at a guy's cock in a locker room or anything. John said that there are no skeletons in his closet at all. He said Harvey has never had a circle jerk or anything like that. Howard asked if he has any gay friends. John said he is tolerant of gays but he doesn't have any in his life.
Eric cut them off and asked Jeff to just audition. Howard said he was doing that for Eric. He said he obviously doesn't care.
Howard had Jeff do the scene with him. Howard read for one character and Jeff read for Harvey. In the scene they went back and forth talking for a short time. Jeff seemed to be having some trouble with the script.
Howard said that was Jeff's audition. He said that's some technique he has. Jeff said he wasn't happy with that. He said he thought Howard was going to do it differently. Howard said as long as Jeff is good that's what matters.
John said he could do with a few less pauses but they could close those up in the editing. Howard said Jeff has done his and now it's Eric's turn. Howard asked if he is intimidated by Jeff's audition. Eric said no.
Eric asked what the rating is they're going for. John said it's a PG-13. Eric was wondering if he could improvise. John said he can do a little but not too much. Howard went right into the scene with Eric. They did the same page that Jeff and Howard had done. Eric had a few pauses in there like Jeff did.
After the scene Howard said that Eric is worried about the SAG card thing. Eric said that he has to get his dues paid. He said it's like $2000 or so. John said he didn't know that. He said this is something he wasn't expecting. Howard asked what they would be paying. John said that it would be right around that range of the SAG card. Howard said Jeff would have to do the same. Jeff said he didn't know he'd have to get a SAG card. He said he wasn't planning on spending that money on this. Howard said Jeff was planning on spending it on beer and pot. Jeff said he wasn't going to spend it all on that.
Howard asked John to make his pick. Robin said she thinks that Jeff would be the better pick. She said that Eric didn't do any improvisation even after asking about it. Eric said he was going to bring the movie into an R-rating if he had improvised. Howard said Jeff became unintelligible at the end of his audition. John asked if they could hear that last line from Jeff again. Howard led him into that line and Jeff read the line but he slurred it again. Howard said he hopes that helped.
Fred said Jeff was appalling and Eric was horrendous. He said he thinks that John would be better off with Jeff.
John said he'd like to hear Howard's thoughts. Howard said there's a visual too. He said Jeff has the arm that hangs into space. He said he'd like to see it flapping in the breeze. Jeff said he can do whatever the fuck he wants with his arm. Howard said Eric is great on the screen too. He said there's always something to look at with Eric. He said Eric might have the advantage there. Howard said Jeff was surprisingly natural in the read. He said he had a funnier delivery. Howard said Jeff would be better for DVD sales because you'd have to rewind to hear what he said. Howard said he'd go with Jeff if it's for pure comedy. Howard said it was close though. He said both reads were equally bad.
Fred said that Jeff is one you'd rewind through and Eric is the one that you fast forward through. Howard asked how he thought Eric was when he had his head blown off in Fringe. Fred said that was a great role for Eric.
Howard asked John who he's going to go with. John said he has one question for Jeff. He asked if he's in California. Jeff is in New York. John asked if it's a huge problem for him to get to California. Jeff said it's not a problem for him to fly. John said he wasn't looking for bad or horrendous. He said he is looking for some laughs. He said he thinks that Jeff is the one who brought the comedy and the natural feeling to the role. Howard asked Eric if this is a big blow to him. Eric asked what the fuck this is. He said this is fixed. He said this is the IQ test all over again. Howard said this was a competition. Howard told Eric that he has no fix there whatsoever. Eric said everything he does on the show is fixed. Howard asked what he means. Eric said that IQ test. Howard said they didn't lie about that. They went to an independent company. Eric said he's pretty sure it was fixed. He said this was fixed too. Robin asked how that is. Howard said no one there cares enough about him to fix anything. Robin asked if he thinks that they told John to pick him. Jeff said the only thing not fixed there is Eric. Eric told that trailer trash to shut up. Jeff said that trailer trash just beat him for a role.
Robin said that Jeff stepped up and it became a competition. Robin said he's so hard to work with that he left the door open. Howard said he wants to hear from Eric. Howard asked what he means that it was fixed. Eric said there are other situations where they make him look like a fool like prank phone calls. Jeff said he gets prank phone calls too. Robin said Eric isn't supporting his argument very well. Eric said he out did Jeff's drunk ass. Howard said he thinks that he was a little off today. Howard said it's tough for any actor to lose a part. Howard said rejection is part of Hollywood. Howard said the actor has to protect his ego. John said this is not an easy life for the actor.
Howard said Johnny Fratto represents both of these gentlemen. Howard said he's on the phone to congratulate Jeff. Howard picked up and Johnny was asleep. Howard wondered how he could fall asleep so fast. Johnny woke up and said he has no idea. He said he might have Narcolepsy. Johnny said he wants to congratulate Jeff but he feels bad for Eric. Johnny asked if Eric is alright. Eric said no. Johnny said you win some and you lose some. Jeff told him not to jump off his wheelchair, bitch.
Howard said Eric gave an even performance but there was no spark there. Howard said he can see why he lost the role. Howard said this is a double whammy for Eric. Eric said that the actress that Jeff is playing with is going to commit suicide when she has to be with him. Howard said this is the heartbreak of Hollywood. Howard said they can't wait to see Jeff in the new movie ''The Brag.''
Howard asked Eric if this makes it any more likely that he'll open up his range and maybe play a gay character. Eric said no. Howard asked if he would play the gay role if he could get him that part. Eric said no way. Howard told him he doesn't have to do anything gay. He just plays a shop owner who is gay.
Johnny said that the character Eric played in ''In Plain Sight'' was gay. Eric said he was not. John said he actually was. Eric said he was married to the woman in the scene. John said that was just a beard. He said they had a whole character bio for him and he was a gay man. Eric said he doesn't believe that bullshit. Johnny told him to just read the part for the gay guy. Eric said he doesn't have it anymore. He threw it away.
Howard wanted to improv with Eric. Howard started to talk to him as a gay guy but Eric said goodbye and hung up. Howard congratulated Jeff on his part. Howard congratulated John on the movie too. John said it should be out next summer. He said they are not going to give away this other role for the gay owner for a little while. He said Eric has some time to give it some thought.
Gary said they would never fix anything on the show. He said he hopes Eric sees how hard he is to work with now. He said no one wants to work with someone who is so difficult.
John thanked Howard for some of the interviews he's done lately with Metallica, Graham Nash and people like that. Johnny also brought up James Caan and said that was off the hook.
Howard told Gary to get Eric back on the phone. He said he wants to talk to him. He said he knows he had a tough day today. Howard said he wants to make him feel a little better. He said he knows how it is to lose out on something. Gary said they just got Eric to pick up.
Howard got Eric on the line and said he would never fix a contest. He said he does enjoy his work as an actor. He said he knows this is tough but there will be other roles. He said Jeff wasn't that much better than him. Eric said he wasn't good at all. Howard said rejection is part of acting. Howard said when he hears of something new he'll give him a call. Eric said there is something that they can do. He said there's an FX series called Legit and they offered him a role. He said they're doing season 2 and they want him to be in an episode. Howard said everyone wins. Eric said his stumbling block is the SAG card thing. Howard said he's not going to get every role. Howard said he played the part a little low key and it may have cost him the role. Howard said there will be more roles though. Howard said he can trust him on that. He told Eric to have a good day and not let this knock him down. Howard thanked Eric and let him go.
Howard said what they've experienced is a very real audition. He said it was not fixed. Howard said they are two up and coming actors going for the same role. Howard said what he might be able to do is get Eric the role of Harvey and give Jeff the Drunk the gay guy role. Howard told Gary to check with John Strauss about that. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and took a call from a guy who said he called in a while ago and Howard made him listen to ''Oo You'' and he'd like to hear that today. Howard said Paul won't be performing today. Howard played the song though. Howard said he loves this song. Howard said this is the song he should be remembered for. Howard let that song play and said he just needs to write one good song himself. Howard said it's not fair that Paul writes so many good ones.
Howard said the song just cut out for no reason. Howard asked Scott if he's responsible for that. He said it had better not go down when he's interviewing Paul.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Paul McCartney impression. He was singing for Howard as Paul. Howard let him do his thing for a short time. Howard said Paul is in a hotel room going bonkers. Howard tried to talk to ''Paul'' but Sour wasn't stopping. Howard said he's supposed to be on his way over there. Howard said he's a lunatic. Sour was singing at the top of his lungs. He eventually hung up.
Howard said that was exciting. Howard said that was a preview of what's to come. He said the real Paul will be there soon.
Howard said they're looking for the hottest nude mother daughter team for a contest they have going on. Robin wondered how they're going to figure out they're hot enough. Howard said they have to be biological mother and daughter. Howard said you can find out more at SiriusXM.com/Howard.
Howard said he forgot to mention that John Strauss has a movie out called Free Bird and it'll be coming out November 1st. Howard said he forgot to mention that earlier.
Howard said Fred the Elephant Boy was on Jon Leiberman's Live at 5 show. Howard said we learned a lot. Howard said Fred is a government worker and he is out of work right now. Howard played a clip of Jon interviewing Fred the Elephant Boy about that and Fred was talking about how he found out he was out of work. Howard said Fred was also talking about how frugal he's being now that he's out of work. Howard played another clip where Fred was talking about going to a movie and not having popcorn or soda. Fred said he has nothing to do but listen to Howard 100 or Sirius. Fred said he's not used to this. He said he takes a day off once in a while. Howard said this is some programming they have there. He said this is what he always wanted though. He has his own channels. Howard said Fred would be good in John Strauss' movie.
Howard said there was a good Baba Booey thrown out on CBS. Howard played a clip where some people were being interviewed after a Pittsburgh game. One guy threw out a bunch of Baba Booey and Howard Stern references. Howard said that was a good one.
Howard said Jesse Ventura was on a show talking about running for President. He said Jesse has an alternate to run with him if he doesn't do it. Howard said Jesse will have his support either way. Howard said Jesse wasn't going to run without him but now he's saying he will.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that guy who called in yesterday about Beth is an asshole. He said Beth is doing great things. Howard said a lot of people are very supportive and he appreciates that. Howard asked the caller what the temperature is out there in Los Angeles. The guy said it's about 60.
The caller said the Beetlejuice Game is hilarious. Howard said a lot of people love it. Howard said it will be back. The caller said he also donated 22 inches of his hair in honor of Robin's illness. He said he donated it to charity. Robin said she might be wearing his hair. Howard asked Robin if that's her hair. Robin said it's a weave. She said that it's a combo of her hair and human hair. Howard asked if she'll lose that hair. Robin said it has to be maintained. Robin said she's not sure what she's going to do with her hair. She might stick with what she has.
Howard asked Robin why she would keep a weave if her hair is growing back. Robin said it's easy to maintain. Howard told her not to go to Bobo's guy. Robin said she won't. She said this isn't glued on.
Howard said he thought Robin was going to grow her hair out and she was going to cut off the fake hair and just use her own. Robin said that could happen but they'll have to see. Howard told her to give the hair to Benjy. Benjy said when he saw her come back he did say he wanted that. Howard and Robin laughed.
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who asked if he's going to try to get an autograph from Paul. Howard said he's not. He said he was talking to his daughter and she asked the same thing. Howard said he told her he won't ask again. Howard said he has to take another break. Robin said she saw on the news yesterday that this NBA player was playing Gay Kickball. Howard said that game is gay. He said that's just Kickball. He said he'd play that. He said he's going to play that with Fred right now. They went to break a short them later.
Howard came back and said he loves the new Metallica channel there at Sirius. He said it's on 111 and it's great. He said that was a great call. He said he can work out to that at any time now. Howard said it makes him motivated to work out when he's listening to that. Howard said he's not even sure why. Robin said she noticed that it can help when you're running too.
Howard said that concert they had with Metallica was great too. He said it was a great night. Howard said he was standing next to Richard Christy and he knows Robin would have been upset if she had to be there with him.
Howard said Paul McCartney is on his way up. He said he got word that he's coming. Howard said they all have their diapers on to make sure they don't have to go to the bathroom during that.
Paul McCartney walked in so Howard said hello and said he only has a half hour with him. He said he has to get right to it. Howard said he gets nervous with Paul. He said he doesn't usually get nervous.
Howard said he was thinking during the Metallica song. He said the song Helter Skelter is referred to as the beginning of heavy metal. Paul said if you look back it was pretty hard. He said it was before Zeppelin and other bands like that. Howard asked if he thinks that they invented Heavy Metal music. Paul said he gets credit for so much already. He said he would accept that though. Paul said that The Who were putting out a new record and Pete Townshend was talking about how it was the dirtiest record ever so he went to the guys and said they had to come up with the dirtiest and filthiest and that's where this came from.
Howard asked if they get competitive like that. Paul said they do. He said that's what they're all about. Paul said he has a new album called ''New'' and he has a song about that on there. Howard said there's always a sense of competition. Paul said it doesn't matter how many accolades you've got. It's a human instinct.
Howard asked Paul about going to John and Paul and then going home to write it. Paul said he had written it. He said they had to do the song after he wrote it. Howard asked Paul if John got it right away. Paul said John would get it. He said they grew up together. Howard said his father didn't want him hanging out with John Lennon. Paul said his dad was okay with him. Paul said by the time he met John he had a little say in it.
Howard said he wants to get to the new album but he has so many questions. Howard said he thought it was interesting when Wings performed ''Richard Cory'' by Simon and Garfunkel. Howard said they did it live too. Howard played some of the song and asked why they picked that song. Paul said it was Denny Laine's choice. He said he was the suicidal one. Howard said that's because Paul left him. Howard asked if Simon and Garfunkel ever wrote or contacted them. Paul said no one ever did. He said he's still waiting for that letter. Paul said he thinks everyone is busy doing better than him.
Howard said he has a question about this song. He played a clip of ''Get Back'' and asked if he remembers recording that song. Paul said he does. Howard let the song play for a few seconds. Howard asked Paul if he was staring at Yoko while she was in the studio. He heard that John told him that he was staring at her every time he said ''get back.'' Paul said they didn't welcome her in the studio because it was considered a guy thing. Paul said he didn't stare at her though. He said that it was work for them. Paul said he didn't have the guts to say that to John though.
Howard said he could have said something to John. Paul said they were just fuming and sulking. Robin asked if John ever asked to bring her there. Paul said he didn't. He said it was the initial shock of Yoko sitting on one of his amps instead of sitting on a stool. He said later on they thought that John was in love with her and if he wanted to bring her then they had to cope. He said they learned to cope with it. Paul said he thinks he had the right to do that but he could have been more diplomatic about it. Paul said they had to figure that all out. He said it took some time.
Howard said he was saying that Yoko was instrumental for John's solo career. Paul said he thinks she was. He said with the Beatles they had come full circle. He said it was the right time to break up and John had found his muse and she was taking him in a new direction.
Howard said Paul has said he wants to be remembered for ''Maybe I'm Amazed'' and he may understand that whole John and Yoko thing. Howard said Linda got Paul through the break up of the Beatles. Paul said she was a loving wife and she had a great attitude. He said she'd tell him they should just get out of there and forget about it for a while. Paul said she would tell him ''it's allowed'' to do other things. Howard said he wrote this song for her because she had pulled him out of this depression. Paul said he knew nothing else other than The Beatles. He said they had this phenomenal success in America and then it was gone overnight. Paul said it was tough. He said he didn't know what to do next.
Howard said John made a statement about being bigger than Jesus. He said he gets that. He said every song they were writing was a hit. Howard said it's still amazing to this day. Robin said they were even affecting fashion and other things. Paul said what John meant was that people weren't going to church as much as they used to. He said they were telling everyone that they should get their act together because they were bigger than Jesus at the time. Paul said he remembers some kid looking like he wanted to kill them after that. He said it upset a few people.
Howard said it was such a point for him because he never had a religious feeling. He said the Beatles meant more to him than Church did. Paul said that's what John was pointing out.
Howard played some of The Beatles ''It's Getting Better All The Time'' and asked where that came from. Paul said he remembers sitting down with John where they wrote and he just threw that line out there. He said they were off after that. He said they just build on that. Howard said Paul was taking the optimistic side and John was thinking about his anger toward women. Howard said John hit women earlier on in his life and he thought that his anger was getting better. Paul said that's what having a great collaborator odes. He said he comes out with that. He said John did the sort of sarcastic kind of thing. He said then they start talking about being bad to the women and that's just a match up. He said they were being characters. He said they were dredging up things. He said it wasn't that literal.
Howard asked Paul if John tripping on acid during a recording session really hurt. Paul said it was crazy because John had a pill box and he had uppers and downers. He said he tried to take an upper and then came to him and told him he took the wrong pill. He said he had taken acid and they had to work around that. He said they kept going. He said George Martin came in and said that John didn't look to well. He said they had to hide it from George because he was the adult in the room. Howard asked if he would have stormed out of the room. Paul said he thinks George would have handled it fine. He said he may have taken him up to the roof to get fresh air and that may not have been a good idea.
Howard asked Paul about working in the studio and how things worked usually. Paul said he took John home that night he was on acid. Howard said he heard Paul went home and took acid too. Paul said he wanted to be in sync with him.
Howard asked who decided that they should all have the same hair cuts. Paul said it was all sort of organic. He said that John had an uncle who gave him 100 British pounds, which is still a lot of money, and they knew this guy who had a cool kind of hair cut. The guy, Jurgen, didn't want to give them that cut but they insisted. He said they came home to England and everyone thought it was awful. Paul said that they told them that it was the new fashion in Paris. Paul said they often dressed the same too. He said they were called the four headed monster by some.
Howard said the Beatles made a lot of money but you'd never think that they were going to be trend setters. Howard said he wanted to dress like they did. Howard said it's pretty remarkable. Paul said they did one commercial for a jeans thing in Liverpool and they thought it was kind of cool. He said it ended up in some paper and they saw it and they knew they couldn't do it again.
Howard said that everyone was in the same place fashion wise but then they all started dressing differently. Howard said he knew something was up then. Howard said when they came out with Sgt. Peppers The Rolling Stones were doing similar things. Howard said it was almost like they were following them. Paul said that he thinks he's right. He said he doesn't want to rub it in. He said that they would come out with stuff the year after they did. Paul said those were the days baby.
Howard said he's seen pictures of Mick hanging out with Paul and the guys. Paul said they were friends and they still are. He said they often bumped into each other.
Howard said Paul went out on tour in 2011 and then the Stones went out on tour too. Howard said Paul figured he was inspiring them to go out again. Howard asked if he gets together with them. Paul said he does occasionally. He said he was in the Caribbean and Keith Richards had a house near by. He said they'd hang out and talk and drink together. He said that it's hilarious to hang out with Keith. Howard asked if they talk about music. Paul said they talk about old times and about music. He said Keith is very knowledgeable.
Paul said he and Keith had a lot of fun that week. Howard asked if he doesn't like being around the cigarettes so much. Paul said he's used to it. He said that they all smoked for years. Paul said he stopped in the late 70s. Howard asked if it was hard for him. Paul said it was actually very easy for him. He said he got the flu and cigarettes were the worst after that. He said that he was smoking and he wondered what he was doing. Paul said he was smoking cotton wool and it wasn't good.
Howard said Graham Nash was there recently and told a story about how George Harrison had turned them down for Apple records. Paul sarcastically said George was a great judge. Paul said that those guys were great. He said that he was impressed. He said he didn't realize they were trying to get a record deal. Howard said that's what they were told.
Howard said when Paul was dating Jane Asher he was already in The Beatles. Howard said he moved into her house with her parents. Howard said they had a Beatle living in their house. Howard said it must have been odd for them. Paul said they had a flat in Mayfair and it was just a rental. Paul said he was used to home comforts so he liked having a mean available and things like that. Paul said when they got to the flat it was just a crap room. Paul said he was not happy in the flat. He said he looks at it now and anyone else would have just furnished it and made it nice. He said all they thought was there was nothing on the walls and didn't do anything about it. Paul said that he moved out and into the house with Jane. He said that her mom didn't know that he was sleeping in the same room with her.
Howard asked Paul about giving some of his songs to Jane's brother from the band Peter and Gordon. Paul said he did give them some songs but they were songs he wasn't going to do with The Beatles. Howard said they had a hit record out of that too. Howard asked Paul if he ever thought that he could never write a bad song. Paul said he had some stinkers. He said he had one called Etcetera. Howard asked if he ever thought of releasing it. Paul said no way. He said that he never saw ''Get Back'' as something that was going to be big. He said other people could hear it though.
Paul said he wrote a song for Marianne Faithfull. She thought that he was writing ''Eleanor Rigby'' for her but he gave her ''Etcetera'' instead.
Howard asked Paul about ''Carry That Weight'' and played some of the song. Howard asked if it was about the weight of the business that he was carrying on his back. Paul said it was life in general. He said everything was ''it's heavy man'' so that's what it was about. Howard played ''Eight Days a Week'' and asked about that song. Paul said he was caught speeding and he needed to be driven so he was brought out to John's house and he asked if he was busy. He said that the guy told him he was working eight days a week and that's where the title of that song came from.
Paul told Howard about how he and John would write songs and how they had a staircase that they used to get from the bottom to the top of writing.
Howard asked Paul about their early songs and Paul sad they were directed at the girls. He said they eventually realized they could broaden out of that and sing about other things. He said that some of the fans fell off the edge of the world but others came on.
Howard asked Paul about ''Why Don't We Do It In The Road'' and if it's true he saw some monkeys doing it in the road. Paul said that is true. He said he saw a troupe of monkeys walking through the wild and he saw a male monkey jump on the back of a female and started doing it. He said it was like jungle porn.
Howard said John was upset that Paul went off to do the song by himself. Paul said it was actually him and Ringo. He said it did piss John off too. He said they had to finish this record quickly and he was trying to get it all in. Howard asked why they have deadlines. Paul said they have a release date and they need to have it all ready. Paul said they always ran late though. Paul said they went in on a Sunday morning to finish up the White album.
Howard asked when he realized George could write songs. Paul said that he had written a couple early on then it was ''Here Comes the Sun'' and some others that showed he was a great writer. Howard asked if it comes down to money in publishing. Howard said that's where the real money is at. Howard said bringing George into it would hurt them financially. Paul said they didn't think about it like that. He said they were working out the dynamics of the group at the time and they had to figure out how things would work. He said he and John were writing and George and Ringo weren't. He said they would give Ringo a song on the album because he had fans of his own. Robin said he has so many he had to stop signing autographs.
Howard asked if Ringo was the most successful solo artist out of all of them. Paul said he doesn't count but he doesn't think so.
Howard said ''Live and Let Die'' was a song that the producers of James Bond asked them to write. Howard said he heard they didn't want them to record it. Paul said that's true. Howard said he read that Paul went in and wrote the song in 10 minutes. Howard said that's amazing to him. Paul said it wasn't quite 10 minutes. He said he wanted to read the book first. He said he read the book and it was a quick read. He said he read it on a Saturday and wrote the song on Sunday. He said it was kind of quick. They recorded the song on that Monday.
Gary came in and said they have to wrap up. They got an extra 15 minutes but they have to end it. Howard said he heard that Billy Joel hid some meat from Paul when he came over to his house and he had forgotten about it so the meat was rotting in the house. Paul said he heard that story too.
Howard said he wanted to let Paul know how much he means to him. Paul thanked him for that. Howard asked if it's true that Jimi Hendrix had wanted Paul in a super group. Paul said he didn't find out about that until just recently. He said that he saw the telegram that was sent. He said it wasn't sent right to him at the time.
Howard said Paul has this new album out called ''New'' and the first single is ''Queenie Eye.'' Howard played some of that and told Paul that he sounds good. Howard said he's getting the hi sign so he has to end this. Howard gave Paul some plugs and wrapped up. You can find out more at PaulMcCartney.com. They went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he could have listened to that all day long. Howard said he tried to cram in as much as he could. He said he wanted to ask him something that he wasn't able to get to. He said he hit the highlights as much as he could.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn. She said they're the two greatest people on the planet. Howard cut her off as she was about to say something else.
Howard said it's time for Robin's news. They played her in with a song parody that was to the tune of a Beatles song. That was from the Bleeding Deacons. Robin said she hasn't heard from them in a long time.
Robin started the news talking about how the news is all about Ronan Farrow. Robin said they're trying to make him look like Frank Sinatra. Howard said he thinks the kid looks like Mia and nothing like Frank. Robin said she thinks he has some Frank in there. Howard said he probably got the brains from Woody and Mia's looks. Howard said he got the right combo because you don't want it the other way around.
Robin said they were talking about Jodi Foster dating Ellen's ex and she figured out who that was. Robin said it's Alexandra Hettison.
Robin said there's a book out about Johnny Carson and Carson found out that she was cheating on him. Howard said she's 81 years old now and she said this story is bullshit. Howard said she says there is no way that ever happened. Howard said he's not sure that you can trust anything an 81 year old says though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the interview was great. He asked Howard if he thinks that they ever lived in Moscow before writing ''Back in the USSR.'' Howard said that was written when they were in India. Howard said the Beach Boys were in India at the same time and Paul was writing about Russia and other places. He said Mike Love told him to write about how hot girls are in other countries and that's where that came from. The caller wanted to know if they have ever been to Russia. Fred said they were there. Howard interviewed Fred as Paul McCartney since the caller was asking so many Beatles questions. Howard asked if the caller had any other questions. The guy just said that he's the greatest.
Howard said it's great having Fred there as Paul Norris. Fred said he should come in for a full week for just an hour a day or something.
Robin read a story about how people are calling 911 a lot after sex games go wrong. Robin said they think this is a result of the 50 Shades of Grey book. Robin said that they had to rescue a man who got his penis stuck in a toaster and another who was stuck in a vacuum cleaner. Howard said he can't imagine going to the hospital for any of those things. Robin said they've also had children with their heads stuck in toilet seats. Robin read about some of the other wacky things that people have done that ended up in the hospital. Robin said there was one story about a person who got stuck in a child's toy car.
Howard took a call from Captain Janks who said that was an incredible interview with Paul McCartney. He said that he thinks that he really does like the show. Howard said they like Paul.
Robin said that Howard does that impression of his parents now and all his father does is try to determine who his mother is on the phone with. Howard said that's right. Howard did that impression and said that his dad doesn't seem to care when he does find out who is on the phone. Howard said he never gets on the actual phone.
Howard said on this date in history WNBC became WFAN. Howard said they sold the station at a $50 million loss and he thinks that they helped to do that. Howard said that was the greatest revenge. Howard said he told the engineers there that it would happen but they didn't think it would. Howard said he had the last laugh but he's tired of having the last laugh. He said it's exhausting.
Robin read a story about Matt Lauer asking Miley Cyrus if she's going to move away from this phase that she's in. She told Matt that people stop having sex around 40 so that's probably when she'll stop. Howard said people should stop around 40 because it's disgusting.
Howard said he has to interrupt the news with this. He said he has Medicated Pete with Jon Leiberman trying to explain what he's plugging. Howard said Pete has no idea what he's plugging. Howard played the clip and Pete said that he's plugging an app that's a medieval video game. Pete said he thinks it could go somewhere. Jon asked if he has used it and loves it. Pete said he was approached by these guys in Canada and they asked him to plug it. He hasn't used it though. Howard laughed when he heard that. Pete said he doesn't know much about it.
Robin had a quote from Antonin Scalia where he talks about homosexuals and how much he enjoys Seinfeld and things like that. Howard said that he really thinks TV is better than ever lately. Robin said Scalia doesn't like the use of the F-word so much. Howard said that's exactly why he does like TV these days. Howard said there are so many great shows on. Howard said Banshee is a great one and it was one of the best recommendations she's ever made.
Robin read about Casey Kasem's kids and how they're trying to get visitation legally. Casey's wife won't let them see him. Howard said he'd like to hear her side of the story. Howard said maybe the kids are a pain in the ass. Robin said they have accused Jean of not letting them talk to their 81 year old father. Robin said he has severe Parkinson's according to what she read. Robin said the kids want to be in charge of his medical care but Jean won't allow it.
Robin read some news about the government shutdown and had some audio of President Obama talking about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who was sleeping on the line. Howard said that he was on hold for four hours. Howard said he's out cold.
Howard tried another caller. That caller asked what guest makes him most nervous and what guest he would want most that would keep him up at night. Howard said the anticipation for Paul made him nervous. He said that he had so much that he wanted to talk about with him. He said he wanted to start out from the beginning and work his way up. Howard said he'd like to interview Mick Jagger and David Bowie. He said he's a big fan of classic rock artists. Howard said he'd like to interview Led Zeppelin too. Howard said he's listened to them more than any single artist or band. Howard said he was obsessed as a kid. The caller said he has an amazing way of interviewing people and he thanks him for the past 15 years.
Howard said he'd like to interview Jimi Page and people like that. He said that if he'd just come in with a guitar they could play some riffs and ask how he came up with them.
Robin read a story about this girl who was shot by the Taliban because of something she said about how women should be allowed to get an education. Robin said she's now being threatened again. Robin said they don't mind her so much but it's her views on education. Robin said this child can't walk around and live her life.
Howard read an email he got about the discussion he had about the band Fun and Queen. Howard said the singer from Fun was great with Queen. He said Adam Lambert was good too. Howard said Queen couldn't be more happy.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said that the interview was ''stella''. Howard said he thinks that he meant that because of McCartney's Stella. Bobo said he did but Robin thought it was just his accent. Howard said Bobo has a Beatles style hair piece. Howard said he thinks he could mop with that thing.
Robin read about football injuries and how people are trying to bring a stop to them by making football safer. Robin said that there are a few people who won a Nobel prize and one of them was speechless when he got the call. Robin said he had to pull over when he got the call. Robin had some audio of the guy talking about why he had to pull over. Robin said the guy really enjoys what he does too. She had some audio of him talking about that.
Robin read a story about Banksy being in New York. Howard said Jimmy Kimmel turned him on to him. Howard said he does some interesting work. Robin said that he's doing some tagging of buildings and his stuff is painted over just a few hours later. Howard said he has mixed feelings about those guys. Howard said all of the commercial advertisers are paying to put their art up and he kind of gets where guys like this are coming from. Howard said he'd be upset if he owned a building though. He asked Robin where she stands. Robin said that some places have had great artwork created by these guys. Howard said Robin is in favor of it then. Robin said she's in favor of art. Howard said Robin doesn't care where it comes from even if it means defacing a building. Robin said even if it's defacing a subway car. Howard said it's depressing when you get on a subway and it's covered in graffiti. Robins said some of them aren't so good but they don't know it.
Robin said a couple of armed robbers were caught when the police used an iPhone tracker to find them. Robin said they caught these guys. Howard said they never end up doing anything though. He said they don't have room in the jails for criminals. Robin said we have the highest criminal rate in the world but we don't have room for it. Howard said they should turn a whole state into a jail. He'd pick Alaska. Robin said it's supposed to be really nice up there. Robin said maybe North Dakota would be the better state. Howard said they should pick Connecticut just to fuck with Gary. That led to Fred and Howard doing their Gary impressions talking about that.
Gary came in and said that Beth wanted Howard to mention that her sit down with Robin is going to be on Extra tonight. Howard said he heard it was the best interview she's done. Gary said Beth and Robin ended up crying. Lisa G was there watching and she was crying too. Gary said this makes Howard look very good. Howard said that's a great thing. Gary said Robin says that Howard showed he loved her before but now the world has seen how much he loves her. Howard said he can't wait to see this. Gary said the only part where he doesn't look good is where he read Robin's book and he didn't realize it was dedicated to him. Howard said Beth had to point that out. Howard said he enjoyed Robin's book but he didn't know it was dedicated to him.
Robin read about Elizabeth Smart opening up about her kidnapping. Robin had some clips of her talking about that.
Robin read about what's been going on with Dancing with the Stars lately. Howard said he hasn't been watching. He said he does love it when fat people dance and lose weight. Howard said he loved it when Kirstie Alley did that. Howard said she didn't look half bad after losing weight. Robin said Valerie Harper has been doing the show and she got a standing ovation. Howard said he'd like to know who voted her off. Howard said the woman is dying.
Robin brought up Miley Cyrus and Howard said that she was in a Twitter war with Sinead O'Connor. Howard had some audio of Sinead talking about Miley and sounding like a nut. Howard said the interviewer didn't get a word in with her. Howard said now she's even wackier with tattoos on her face. Howard said once they get to your face that's just awesome. He said that's a whole new level. After playing a little bit of her audio Howard said she has diarrhea of the mouth.
Howard took a call from a guy who gave him props on his interview with McCartney. Howard thanked him for that. Howard said he enjoyed it too.
Robin read a story about a 9 year old boy who got on a plane the other day. Robin said the boy was also accused of stealing a vehicle before the flight. Robin said that there have been a total of 4 child protection orders against this family. Robin said the kid must really want to get away from the family if he steals a car and sneaks on a plane.
Robin read about a diamond that sold for $31 million. Robin said it sold in 6 minutes. Howard asked if it was Jack Meyhoffer making the call.
Robin read about a woman who had posed for Playboy and is now a High School Spanish teacher. Robin said the school is looking to see if anything should be done. Howard said none of his teachers were hot enough to be in Playboy. Howard said he did have one teacher who was pretty hot when he was in Kindergarten or first grade. Robin said Howard got started early. Howard said he remembers Mrs. Weinstock and what it was like the first day she walked in. Howard said he was a busy little beaver thinking about her.
Robin said there's a sex toy company that's offering government workers 200 free vibrators a day through their web site.
Robin read about the zoo worker who was attacked by a tiger. Robin said she's taking full responsibility. Howard said they have to know it's going to lead to trouble. Robin said that they might get away with it a few times but then they get attacked. Robin said they are not putting the animal to sleep since the woman broke protocol.
Robin said that Lybians are calling for a retaliation on Americans for their attacks on them where they captured an Al Queda member.
Robin read about young adults falling behind in education here in the United States compared to other countries. Robin had more details about that.
Robin read about prescription drug abuse and how it's doubled in the United States over the past few years. Robin said they say that they're worse than illegal drugs.
Robin said a new $100 bill is going to start production today. Robin said that they were being counterfeited so much that people were stopping cashing them.
Robin said Ohio has a Superman license plate now. Citizens there can get the special plate. Robin had some audio of an official in Ohio talking about that.
Robin read about how Kuwait is going to be screening people to make sure no gays get into the country. Howard said he likes that they have a test. He said they must show you a picture of a big cock and if you throw up they let you in. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:25am.
Jon said that JD was at the Exxxotica Expo. Gary said he thought JD did a great job there. Jon said that's his zone. He said he was surrounded by the women he loves.
Jon said he wanted to start off talking about Paul McCartney. Gary said he spent about 10 years trying to get him on the show the first time. He said now he can call him a regular. Jon said he answered every question that Howard asked about the songs he has written. Jon said Howard is in awe of this man because he is a Beatle. Gary said Howard becomes a fan. He said that he's a fan in a way that you can see. Jon said Howard grew up listening to them and he was a very big fan. Jon said Howard gave Paul a very big thank you to Paul and Paul seemed to appreciate that.
Jon said when Howard found out he only had 30 minutes to work with Paul he must have been upset. Gary said that he had to tell Howard that. He said once he knows that then he can work with it. Gary said he got Paul in by 8:31 and they told him he had to be out by 9. He said they gave him an extra 5 minutes though. Then he hid in his office and they waited until 9:10 to come get him. He said that they had to get him out by 9:15. He said that they gave them more time but not a lot. He said it's tough to pull him out of there. Gary said Billy Joel went almost 2 hours when he was in. He said that's what Howard would like to do.
Jon said they were wondering how Paul comes up with a set list because he has so many songs. He said he's still writing them and enjoying it. Gary said the thing that's great is that he's not ashamed to play the hits. He said he'll play it all. Gary said the list is never ending.
Jon said Howard mentioned how the other bands followed what the Beatles did and Paul agreed with him. Gary said it's funny to think that they were in competition with other bands but there was a time that they were on a level playing field.
Jon said Howard is similar in that way. He said that Howard will do something and other people will start doing it that way.
Gary said he thinks that Paul let them in on how his relationship was with John. Jon said that Robin is there and he thinks that Robin and Howard have a similar thing as John and Paul did. They have a very natural flow with each other. Robin said that she was thinking about what they were talking about yesterday in the news about the Dr. Ruth play and how quickly Howard went into it as Pam Anderson playing the part of Dr. Ruth. She said it just happens so naturally.
Gary said Howard is a great at leading you in a conversation. He said he's so good that you feel like you're good until you're on your own.
Jon said this interview Robin did with Beth sounds amazing. Robin said that Beth was very nervous about it and she wanted to do a good job. Robin said Beth had a perspective on this that no one else has. She told Beth she knows what Howard went through and no one else has this knowledge. Robin said that's sort of how the interview rolled out. Robin said she thinks that Howard will think he has the ability to heal after hearing this interview. Gary said he's going to feel like he did when he saved that guy from jumping off the bridge.
Benjy asked if Robin tried a lot of magical stuff. Robin said she didn't go to a healer but she did everything she could to lower her stress level. Robin said it's very stressful to go through something like this.
Gary asked if Robin prayed. Robin said she didn't do that thing where you ask God to please help. Robin said she just said she wanted to get out of this and it wasn't to any particular god. Jon said she didn't seem to lose her energy. Robin said she actually did. She said she was just doing her character on the air. Jon said he would think that helped keep her motivated. Robin said for 4 hours every day she didn't have to be sick. Robin said she didn't feel pain while that microphone was on. Robin said she was in a zone. She said she does that with the show. She said the rest of the world doesn't matter.
Jon asked if things are different being there in the studio. Robin said it's really different. Robin said she could see Howard at home but not from her booth there. Robin said things have changed around there and it's really beautiful there. Robin said it's much more professional there. She said they had Paul's name there on his door. Gary said they give out gift bags now. Gary said their bathroom is much nicer now too. He said it used to be storage but now it's not. Robin said she used to fall into the tickle chair in there when she'd try to do her make up.
Jon asked Robin if she can imagine any other guests that Howard has gotten excited over. Robin said he used to get that excited about Soupy Sales. Robin said Soupy loved it too. Robin said they had no idea they'd be at war with Soupy in the future.
Jon asked Robin if she was surprised that Howard didn't know her book was dedicated to him. Robin said she figured that he just didn't think much of it. Robin said Beth had to point it out to him on Sunday. Howard skipped right over that part and never saw it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he hated the secrecy of why Robin was out but now he has to thank her. He said he thinks that he had a role in her recovery being a listener and not asking where she was. He said that he's glad things just turned out okay. Robin said it was like a therapy for her to get up every day and go to work.
Benjy asked if Robin was thrown off by anything while she was out. Robin said Tom Arnold was on at one time and he started talking about how he blew out his butt with Oxycodone and had an Illiostomy. Robin said that she had the same thing and she never did Oxy herself.
Gary said he used to have to tell the guests not to reference Robin. He said it was such a social study. He said some people would get a funeralistic tone and look. He said Bradley Cooper got that tone and asked how she was doing. Gary said people would grab his hand like he was the sick one. Robin said George Takei would talk to the booth even if she wasn't there.
Robin said that she could see video from the studio and many people would look for her in the sky and wonder where she was coming from. Gary said he explained it to everyone before they went in there.
Benjy asked if she likes it better being at home or in the studio. Robin said it was convenient to walk down her hall but it's much better to be there. Robin said she can see what's going on and not worry that her video feed is going to drop out. Gary said there's a lot of eye contact with Howard that helps. Robin said she lost the video feed one day and they had guests in. She said it was a band and it was very hard to do the show at that point. Robin said she just had to lay back and let it happen because she didn't know what was happening. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said that people usually burn out on each other but not Howard and Robin. Gary said Robin and Howard never had to acknowledge it over the 30-some years they've been together. Robin said that the system works and it had never been tested before.
Jon said Ronnie kind of surprised some people. Robin said he's so sweet and sensitive. Robin said he was there visiting her every time he could. He said he would text her or wish her a happy holiday. She said he was right there. Jon said no one knows Ronnie that way. Gary said someone there described him as a big ball of mush. Ronnie said that's a little gay. Ronnie said he calls his son's dog a big ball of mush. Benjy asked if the dog is gay. Ronnie said he might be because he's always sniffing his other dog's ass.
Jon said that one person Robin didn't want to see was Benjy. Robin said it was nice that he was trying. Robin would tell Benjy to try another day whenever he did try to see her. Robin said she didn't know what else to write.
Gary said Benjy sent the text exchanges and Robin was like a girl being pursued by a guy who she didn't want to see.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that Robin was kind of bolder with her opinions when she was out sick. Robin said she didn't think she was changing in any way. She said that she did abandon her vow not to emasculate men though. Robin said she got JD all the time. Robin said there were lots of other people. Robin said the knife was flying around. Ronnie said it really was even from her house.
Jon asked Robin about JD and how he's growing up. Robin said that he reminds her of Richard Christy for some reason. Robin said he came out of his shell and started interacting with the world. Robin said that it might be when he started to realize how much he meant to the people who listen to the show like he used to.
Gary said he thinks that there are elements of JD that remind him of Fred in the early days. He said he hopes that some day JD will find the right woman. He said he'd like to help him do that. Robin said he has to start thinking well of himself. Robin said the reason he can't finish a sentence is because he critiques that sentence before he's even said it. Gary said they have to stop introducing JD to strippers and porn stars too.
Jon asked who is happy to see her most there. Robin said Sal hugs her the most. He said Sal hugs her a lot. Gary said he wonders how many candles he lit for her.
Gary said one of his favorite things about Eric is how he has a conversation with Howard and there's like a 3 second delay for his answers. He said it's hysterical. Jon said he thought that was part of his method acting. Jon asked how he can be method anyway. Jason said he can only be method in a very small window.
Jason said he was so confused by the whole thing today. He said Eric lost but then Howard wanted to give him that role and give Jeff the other role. Gary said he thinks that Howard feels bad for Eric because his skin is so thin. Jeff can take it with a thicker skin.
Benjy said he thinks that Eric would have been better in that role. He said he thinks that both of them would be good but Eric would be better in that role. Jason said he was told that Jeff doesn't want to give up that role and play the gay role. He said Jeff wants to hold on to the Harvey role.
Gary said if Eric had taken the gay role 6 months ago he'd be in the movie and this wouldn't have even happened.
Gary asked why Eric doesn't want to play a gay role. Robin said that's when the method acting thing came up. Robin said he thinks he'd have to research the gay thing and work on that. Jon said he thinks that he'll be perceived as gay if he plays a gay person. Benjy said there is no doubt that people would tease him about it. Gary said they tease Eric on Twitter because he responds to it all.
Gary said that people who like Eric are baiting him to yell at them. He said he just has to ignore all of that. Robin said Jeff understands all of this and he's going to take any role that he's offered.
Gary said in a year Eric is going to think that this was a set up thing and he lost out on the role. He said he won't take any responsibility for it.
Robin said there is no sex scene or anything in the movie. Robin said that he might have to wear ear rings or something but they're not going to make him do anything gay. They spent a little more time on that and then went to break.
Robin said she'd like to be the head of the agriculture department. Robin said they'll go back to doing regular farming. Gary said he'd like to be a communications director but he'd end up yelling at people.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she wanted to talk to Robin. She said when she had cancer she was scared to sleep. She said when Robin told the story it changed her attitude. She said Robin gave her the courage to go through this. She said she changed her attitude. She can sleep better now so she has to thank her for that.
Robin said she got a call from her doctor after doing that show and she told her that she was going to inspire a lot of people by going on. Robin said her doctors told her that she's going to help people by doing that.
Gary said he's wondering what Robin's life is really like. He said people hit him up every day trying to get her to speak at their events. Robin said she's got to duck and dive from those right now. Robin said she's been running around so much that she's not available. Robin mentioned that she taped the Wendy Williams show. Gary said he and JD were talking about how big her tits are and JD said that he'd fuck her.
Jon said a few people were upset with Robin for not going to work. Robin said that she thinks they didn't understand what was going on. Gary said he got on the air that day Robin talked about it and said that you have to trust them if they don't talk about something. They're doing it for a reason. Robin said they stopped talking about it an they did leave people in the middle of something. Gary said that they could have assumed something big was going on. Robin said they said they weren't being honest. Robin said she could do the show and be fine but when she started talking about what was going on she'd collapse. Robin said she couldn't talk without crying. That's when Howard told her she never had to talk about it again if she didn't want to.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she had such guilt about what was going on. She said she's so happy that she's back now.
Jon asked Robin if it changed her perspective of the show when she was watching over Skype. Jon said he imagines that it might. Robin said when Gary talked about the visual signals she just got new ones. Robin said she could see Howard's whole face and she could tell when it was a bad time to break that. Robin said she's going to be at a book signing tomorrow night. Benjy asked if he could come to that. Robin said she will put him on the list. Jon wrapped up and ended the show around 11:20am
Howard started the show talking about how many emails he got about the Paul McCartney interview yesterday. He said Whoopi Goldberg will be coming in and they have a plastic surgeon calling in to tell them what kind of surgery they all need. Howard said that the list of surgery is so long they ran out of fax paper.
Howard said it looks like Apple is coming out with a new iPad Mini that he needs to get. He said it'll have a hi-res screen so he has to get it. Howard said he uses his to watch a lot of TV. He said it's going to be thinner and lighter too. Robin asked what he carries with him. Howard said he has his phone. He said he has a routine with his Mini. He said he uses it for travel. He said on Sundays he and Gary go through a lot of paperwork and he'll use the Mini to look at that stuff. Howard said he uses the Mini to watch his TV programs when he's on a longer trip. He said sometimes he's in the car for 2-3 hours at a time. Howard said he'll also use it when he's reading the paper. He said he'll surf the internet and check his email. Robin asked if he uses his computer. Howard said he does that too. He said he loves his desk computer too.
Howard said the iPad is just a bigger iPhone. He said he doesn't like typing on a virtual keyboard but he'll do it. He said what he does is talk into it. He said he uses something other than Siri to do that. He said you see a microphone on the keyboard and you hit that to talk into it. It's like a transcription. He said he'll tell it what to write to Robin. He said you have to tell it what punctuation to use. Howard said he was talking into it this weekend to respond to Robin. Robin said she was actually typing into her's. Howard said that's why it takes her so long.
Howard said the transcription is pretty good these days. He said if JD is doing it then it's going to make tons of mistakes. Robin said she's going to have to try it. She said she has no use for Siri. Howard said he only uses it for setting an alarm. He said that's about it. Howard said there are a few commands you need to know to use Siri. He said that's the trick. He said you use it for two or three things at the most. Robin said she finds it completely useless.
Howard said he hated going into a clock app and setting it up. He said he turns on Siri and sets the alarm quickly. He said Siri tells you that it's on and that's it. Robin said her alarm is so low she can't even hear it. Howard said she has to change it then. Howard said Robin is like his wife with the phone. Howard said he has to help her fix it but then she doesn't want him to help. He said he could help her make the font big but she doesn't want him to touch it. Howard said it's maddening. He said he could improve her life in seconds. She's afraid that he'll screw something up.
Howard said Robin wants everything to work a certain way too. He said she has to tweak it to her liking. Howard said you have to play with it a little bit. Robin said she put her middle finger in as her fingerprint and she can't even change it. Howard said you can add different fingers. He said she could have both fingers. Robin said she had a little kid playing with her phone and whenever it went dark she had to unlock it with her finger. Howard said they could use her code too. Robin said she didn't want to do that. Howard said you can do either one.
Howard said Robin could use the phone with one hand if she used her thumb. Robin said she realized that the other day when she tried to use the phone with one hand. Robin said she just wanted to be different. Howard said there's a reason people use their thumb. Robin said she didn't know why that was.
Howard said Robin was on Wendy Williams talking about how great he was and she could have done that for Riley. Howard said it would change his whole business. Robin said she's sure Riley has cured a bunch of people.
Robin said someone asked her on the Wrap Up Show if she had gone to a healer or anything. Howard said she only went to real doctors who cured her. Robin said Howard asked her if she wanted to talk to someone and she said she might take some Ayahuasca. Howard said he didn't want her doing any of that nutty stuff. Howard said when the going got tough she dropped all of that Shamen bullshit. Howard said Robin has a brain in her head and used real medical science. Robins said she was joking about the Ayahuasca thing. Howard said he told her if she beat this thing she has to stop with that bullshit. Howard said he's not sure that stuff didn't cause the cancer.
Howard said Robin has to be done with the colonics and stuff. Robin said she is because of what went on down there. She said she will continue to explore other things though. Howard said she has to be kidding. Howard said she can't do that Shamen stuff anymore. Robin said the Rolling Stone article is going to surprise him then.
The Howard TV guys showed some video of the guy helping Robin out with rocks. Howard said he's going to send that guy the tumor. Howard said the guy just put rocks on Robin. He sprayed them with water and laid Robin down in the grass. Robin said there's nothing wrong with nature. Howard said there's something wrong with her. He said the guy could have killed her right there. Howard said the guy is kissing the rock and putting it on her chest.
Howard said the guy probably washed his hands 5 months ago. Howard said that's gross. Robin said he was a holy man. Howard said he has a hole in his head. He said he won't even lay down in the lawn at his house. He said he doesn't want anything crawling on him.
Howard asked how much Robin paid that guy. Robin said it wasn't that much. Robin said it was a couple of bucks. Robin said he was very sweet. She told Howard he should be as gentle and care free. Howard said he would be if people paid him on the side of the road like that. Howard said Gary the Retard is sweet too but he doesn't know how to cure her.
Howard said he heard Big Foot on Jon Leiberman's show talking about babysitting a kid all weekend. Robin said that can't be. Howard played the audio for Robin and that's what was going on. Big Foot was talking about watching this kid but he wasn't sure whose it was. He said Jon would have to ask this woman himself.
Howard said he's not sure whose it is and who this woman is. Robin said she thinks that it's a woman who takes care of Big Foot and she's watching a kid on the side.
Howard said he has so many things to play. Robin asked if he saw the Extra piece with Beth. Howard said he did. He said he saw the long piece on the internet and the shorter version on the TV show. Howard said he was very pleased. He said he looks like a hero. He said he's not sure he could do that again but he's looking like the best friend anyone has ever had. Howard said he could never go through that again. Howard said he's done with Robin now. He said that's why he's saying no more colonics. Howard said it was very draining emotionally for him. He said he doesn't think he could do that again with her. He said he's just not into it.
Howard said he did all of this so selflessly. He said he told Beth he was assembling a group of people to save Robin's life. Howard said he's not sure he could ever do that again. Howard wondered why he's helping someone that can't even be there at the end to praise him. He said it was touch and go for a while. Robin said she never had any doubts. Howard said she came through for him. Howard said she didn't waste his time.
Howard said Robin just went with anything he wanted to do. Howard said what he'd like to say to anyone who has an illness is to let your friends help. Howard said you need a team and his friend Pat Manocchia was a big help during this thing. Howard said Dr. Agus was great. He said the guy is an expert and a genius. Howard said a couple of people put him in touch with him. Howard said the doctor told Robin what was going on and gave her a lot of hope. Robin said he was the first one to give her hope.
Howard said Jeff Jarvis is on the phone. Howard picked up on him. Jeff said that Dr. Agus helped him with his cancer too. Jeff said he speaks English for you when he's telling you about the cancer.
Jeff said it's clear now that Robin is no narcissist. Jeff said that he talked about his cancer. He said he had prostate and thyroid cancer. He said if Robin was a narcissist she would have told people what was going on and she would have taken advantage of that and gotten all the attention she needs.
Howard asked Jeff if he was affected by the prostate cancer. Jeff said that not everything came back. He said they ended up taking it out. Howard asked if he can jack of. Jeff said you can but nothing comes out. Howard asked if he can bang his wife. Jeff said there are things he can do. He said he can take shots. Howard asked if he does that. Jeff said it's sort of creepy. He said he can't do things the way he used to.
Howard said that people are getting cancer younger and younger. Howard asked if Jeff can feel an orgasm. Jeff said that's the same but there are issues with other things. Howard asked if it's all mental. Jeff said you feel that sense of release. He said that it all depends on the guy but the hard on can happen. Howard asked if his dick gets hard. Jeff said it ain't like it used to be. He said that he can do shots and stuff but he's not going to talk about that because his wife would kill him.
Jeff said he didn't have to go through what Robin had to go through. He said he didn't have Chemo or radiation. Howard asked Jeff about what he does with his wife. Jeff said that his marriage will survive the cancer but not Howard. Howard said he wants to know what he can do when he isn't putting it in. Jeff said there are other things that you can do. Howard said he wants to know about this prostate thing. Howard said there has to be a Steve Jobs for prostate cancer. Howard said there are some organs we don't care about but the dick is one we can't do without.
Howard said he knows guys who live with their cancer and don't do anything about it. Jeff said if they can tell it's slow moving then you can risk it. He said he's a father and he can't take that risk. Jeff said his grandfather had it and he died from it.
Howard said he has an enlarged prostate but now he doesn't want to talk about it. Jeff pointed that out to him. Howard told him not to talk about him. He said he wants to know about Jeff. Howard said he gets a physical every year. Jeff asked Howard what he would do. Howard kept knocking on wood when Jeff would bring that stuff up. Howard said he's had enough of him.
Howard asked Jeff what he wanted to plug. Jeff said he wanted to plug Robin. Howard thanked Jeff for calling in and let him go after that. Howard said he had to take a break after that. He sounded kind of bummed out by the discussion.
Howard said they have Dr. Scheiner on the phone now. Howard said he analyzed pictures of the staff and the lists were so long for the work they need that they ran out of paper in the fax machine.
Howard said he was taking a look at the pictures they have for this segment. Howard said Gary got it the worst from Dr. Scheiner. Howard said it's dangerous to go to a guy like this because if you feel good about yourself then you're going to feel bad after he's done. Gary said there are a lot of things he knows about himself but he didn't think much about his eyebrows until he got Dr. Scheiner's review.
Dr. Scheiner said that our brow starts to descend as we get older. He said it's a sign that he's raising his eyebrows a lot. Howard said you can see that in the photos. Dr. Scheiner said that's his specialty. Howard said he never noticed that until now. He said one of Gary's eyebrows is lower than the other.
Gary asked how painful the surgery would be. Dr. Scheiner said that he could do Botox and take care of that. He said that would raise the eyebrows back up. He said that lasts about 4-6 months. He said they could do surgery too and that would last longer. He also pointed out that Gary has marks on his cheeks. Howard said he doesn't see any. Dr. Scheiner said they do show up in photos.
Gary said he sees them in the mirror. He said you can see them in the picture too. Dr. Scheiner said he can take care of that stuff. He said the biggest thing is that we like to see our faces in balance. He said Gary's face isn't quite in balance.
Howard asked what it would cost to fix Gary's eyebrow. Dr. Scheiner said it would be a few hundred bucks. Howard said the disaster area on Gary's face is below his nose. Dr. Scheiner said that's the way Gary was born. He said the top of his jaw grew more than the rest of his face. He said that he has a gummy smile too. Howard said he's so right about that. Howard said it distracts him so much. Gary said he knows he has a gummy smile. Howard said when he does his Gary impression he does the gummy smile thing. Gary said that's so insulting.
Howard asked Dr. Scheiner what he would have to do to fix Gary. Dr. Scheiner said they'd go in and take out some of the bone. He said they could bring back that 1/3 ratio for his face. He said that he could go that far if he wanted to but he may not want to do that. Gary said he thinks he missed his window and he should have done it at 20. Gary said he's not going to spend 20 grand and missing out on eating for 6 months to do that. He said he would consider the Botox thing though. Robin said they never noticed that before. Gary said it would look better though.
Gary said he did some press photos and one of his eyes closes. He said he had to get rid of 3/4 of the photos because of that. Dr. Scheiner said Gary relaxes when he smiles so that stands out more.
Howard said Benjy was in this too. Howard said they gave him a hair transplant and he would look so much better. Dr. Scheiner said that Benjy's 1/3 ratio is off too. He said giving him that hair would help him out a lot. He said he needs some liposuction on his chin too. Howard said he has a really blotchy face too. Howard said he has this deep red thing under his nose. Dr. Scheiner said that's treatable too.
Howard said all of these pictures are up on HowardStern.com if you want to play along. Howard said that Fred needs some work too. Howard asked Dr. Scheiner what he thinks about Fred. Dr. Scheiner said that they could do Botox on Fred. He said he has normal things that happen to people as they age.
Howard asked what they can do for Robin. Dr. Scheiner said that she's beautiful and there's not much. Robin told him to just talk. Dr. Scheiner said that it's volume issues and some work around her mouth. He said that she's beautiful but they could make it better.
Howard said that Dr. Scheiner says he needs nothing. Dr. Scheiner told Howard that he could do some stuff with his eye lids and it would last a long time. Howard asked Dr. Scheiner about this rat poison being shot into people's faces. Howard said he's not going to do that because he's such a mess already. Dr. Scheiner said they're just options for people.
Dr. Scheiner told Howard about this procedure he does to fill people's faces. Howard and Fred said they wouldn't do that kind of thing. Howard said he likes his ''After'' picture but he's not going to do that work. Howard said you have to be careful doing this stuff because you can look kind of feminine. Howard said Jon Hein looks odd in his after picture.
Howard said he doesn't know. He said that he's not sure he'd do anything. Robin said she likes the natural look. Howard gave Dr. Scheiner a plug for his web site and let him go. Howard said his web site is at AdamScheinerMD.com
Wheels said Howard is a big Steve Jobs fan. Howard said the guy was a genius. Wheels said he's awesome. Howard said Apple will stop being successful when they stop making good products. Wheels said it is a cult-ish thing to wait in line for days. Howard said he's not sure that Apple doesn't hire those people to stand in line. Howard said Wheels is lucky because he could go right to the front of the line. Wheels said that's what Howard thinks.
Howard said he gets so much work done on his iPad. He said he can check his To Do list wherever he is. He said he can operate it with his finger.
Robin said they're getting a wrist phone too. Howard said he won't wear that. He said that will fail. Howard said he's afraid of cancer and he won't wear that thing. Howard said he's afraid of the radiation. He said he won't even put the phone near his head when he uses his phone. He puts ear buds in instead.
Wheels said that he uses the speech to text thing but it's just like talking on the phone. Howard said he doesn't like talking on the phone. He said he can get his point across with a text and it's much easier. Howard said it's better than letting people drag you down with their problems. Robin sounded offended by that. Howard said he and Fred text and he's so happy. He said every day this guy calls him. Fred said the he hasn't called Howard since 1999. Fred said he loves texting actually. He said when he uses the phone he uses a regular phone. He said there are emergencies when you have to use the cell phone but he doesn't like it.
Howard said he has to take a break. Wheels said it's a shame Steve Jobs was going to the holistic thing and not getting better treatments. Howard said the guy was smart but he got into magical thinking. Howard said he would eat a grape and think he'd get better. Howard said he should have gone to a doctor.
Howard said you have to eat healthy but on top of that you have to go to a doctor, not a shamen. Howard let Wheels go. Howard said that Robin going to that Ayahuasca thing is what gave her cancer. He said that's what he's sticking with that. Robin said that had nothing to do with it. Howard said it did. Robin said she didn't do anything to give herself cancer. Robin said it just happened. Howard went to break a short time later.
Jeff said that script he read yesterday he did without looking at the paper. He had it memorized. Howard said he's even better than Brando. Howard said he was just putting it out there for Eric. He said that he'd rather see Jeff as the gay guy though. He said that part is even bigger than this part. Robin said he's more likely to end up in the film if he takes that part. Howard told Jeff to let him know what happens.
Howard asked Robin how her book signing went. Robin said it's tonight. Howard said Robin is the face of vegetables. He said she loves vegetables. He said she's like the Paula Deen of vegetables.
Howard said maybe some day people will all switch over to eating vegetables. Robin said there is danger to eating meat. She said that there's a chicken recall going on right now.
Howard played some Paula Deen clips that they edited together. They had her saying racist things and talking about Ray Charles having a big, black, dirty cock and things like that. The had her say that she can smoke out of her dirty cunt too.
Howard said he saw that once. Howard said he went to a county fair once and they had these side shows there. Howard said he was about 16 at the time. Howard said there were women who were gross and fat who were fingering themselves. Howard said guys in the front would finger them too. Howard said he went to the show with a guy he worked with. He said he didn't want to touch the women but there were guys who would. Howard said they'd put their fingers in the girl and they'd be happy. Howard said the guys would smell their finger and fake fainting.
Howard said this guy he was with was a black guy and he went to finger the girl and she smacked him in the face. Howard said she was a white chick who must have been from the south. Robin said she was just a white chick. Howard said that his finger probably would have fallen off if he had stuck it in her. Howard said the women would put a cigarette in there and then they'd puff out smoke with their vagina.
Howard played more Paula Deen clips. Howard said he wishes that was the book. They had Paula saying some pretty creepy stuff. Howard said he loves that. He said he laughs every time.
Howard played a bunch of clips and asked why people don't write a book like that. Robin said they do but they never get published. Howard said he would like to write the biography of Paula Deen himself. They had her saying that Martin Luther King had 17 inches of cock that she put in her mouth and things like that. Howard said they have her talking about Oprah Winfrey too. They had her just saying that Oprah takes huge shits.
Howard said in Kuwait they have a test to make sure no gay people are getting into the country. Howard said he's wondering what they do to test you. He said maybe they ask if you know what a duvet is. Howard said Scott DePace is booking a flight there. Howard said he's taking his boys with him. Howard asked Scott if that's true. Scott said no. Howard said he's just teasing him.
Howard said Whoopi is there so he has to get to her. Howard said he has so many questions for her. Howard said she hasn't been there in a long time. Howard said he prepared as much for her as he did for Paul McCartney. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Whoopi Goldberg is there. He said he has a lot of ground to cover with her. Whoopi came in and Howard said that's really her. Whoopi said that some of her is still at home. Howard said she's wearing a John Varvatos scarf. He said he knows that because he has one.
Howard said he's excited about this project that she's there to promote. Howard said he's a big fan of Moms Mabley. He said that she was probably one of the first stand up comics. Whoopi said she is. She said that she might be the first stand up as they know it. She said she was born in the late 1800s. Howard asked why she wanted to make a project out of this. Whoopi said she used to do an impression of her. Howard said he knows that bill Cosby gets upset with black comedians who speak in a street dialect. Howard said he likes it though. Howard said Moms was like that and she was dirty but never said anything dirty. Whoopi said they were dirty but in an innuendo way.
Whoopi said that they did this documentary about Moms and you need to follow what she's saying to get it. She said they have to allow the silences of her beats. Howard asked how she went about doing this documentary. Whoopi said they went to HBO and things got kind of tough because they had different ways of looking at it. Whoopi said they wanted to do a biopic. Howard said he thought Whoopi was going to play Moms. Whoopi said she was going to do that on stage but she realized the last time she did her was 30 years ago in San Francisco. She did some of her impression for Howard. Howard said she wasn't an old lady but she dressed like one. She said she was 25 and playing an old woman. Whoopi said that by the time she died at 75 she had grown into Moms. Howard said she created a role for herself in movies. He said it was pretty brilliant.
Whoopi said that Moms found her place and she rocked it. Howard asked if she had to get the rights to all of her performances. Whoopi said that was the easy part. She said the tough part was getting the pictures.
Howard asked when this starts airing. Whoopi said it's going to start in November on HBO. Howard said that he knows everything about Whoopi but back then no one knew anything about Moms. Howard asked if she had a good life. Whoopi said they found out a lot of things about her. She said that a lot of the traumatic stories about her may not be true. Whoopi said that she may have embellished. She said that people will do that for you though so she may not have had to do that herself. Whoopi said there were stories about her that may or may not have been true and that's why she didn't want to do a biopic.
Howard asked Whoopi about doing the documentary and what HBO did. Whoopi said that they wanted more of her biography. She said that there wasn't enough there that was provable. She said she didn't want to go with that. Howard said she wanted to turn people on to her act. Howard said she had trouble getting photographs and clips. Whoopi said that was the tough part. She said she doesn't recall what was the most expensive thing she got. Whoopi said she was paying for his out of her own pocket and people didn't realize that. She said that she did get some help thanks to that.
Whoopi said the person who was the best was Hugh Hefner. She said that Moms had done Playboy After Dark and they gave them the clips. Howard said that's surprising that he's so generous that way. Whoopi said he's always been nice to her. She said she proposed to them that she's pose for them and they just wanted to talk. Howard asked if she's ever appeared nude in anything. Whoopi said she has not and she doesn't want to show anybody what's under those clothes. Howard said he doesn't want to show anyone what's going on with his penis so he knows that feeling.
Howard asked how this Moms Mabley thing ended up on HBO if they were against the way they were doing it. Whoopi said that things worked out and they liked what she ended up doing. Whoopi said that she was a big part of the civil rights movement because she was doing this material in her act.
Howard said this inspires him because there are people he likes that he should be bringing to people's attention. Whoopi said no one knew who Moms was anymore and no one knows many comics that aren't around anymore. Howard said that Redd Foxx was one who he knows from his albums and not so much for Sanford and Son. Whoopi said that they used to listen to party records from these comics and people don't do that anymore.
Howard said Moms was born in the wrong time period. Howard said she wasn't even able to get a show on stage. Whoopi said they had to perform on the Chitlins circuit. She said that there were a lot of acts that were on that circuit and that's how they got better known.
Howard said Moms used to make him laugh to the point that he would almost throw up. Howard asked if she's in any movies. Whoopi said she was in two films. Howard asked if she met any of her family. Whoopi said that there aren't many left. She said that she's not sure if she was even married.
Whoopi said Richard Pryor and Moms are her brain. Howard said Moms was brave because she could take a pause on stage. Howard said that's really tough. He said when you hear silence on stage it's scary. Howard said Whoopi did the same thing. Howard said he always thought that the other guys she was hanging out with like Robin Williams and Billy Crystal didn't fit with her. Howard said that Whoopi works a different way than they do. Howard said it seemed like she was trying to figure how she fit in with them. Whoopi said she did feel awkward. She said she didn't know how to do what they did. She said they loved her enough to carry her along to play. Whoopi said that they did help her figure out how to do stand up. Howard asked if they're still in touch with each other. Whoopi said that they do call and ask if everything is alright. She said they're still close. She said they're like her big brothers.
Howard asked where she was born. Whoopi said she was born in Chelsea. Howard said she was born Karen. Whoopi said that her brother still calls her Karen. She said that her mother did too until she passed. Howard asked if her mother was a drug addict. Whoopi said she was not. Whoopi said she was the drug addict, not her mother. Howard asked about her father and he had information wrong about him too. Whoopi said this is what she was talking about. She said you can't trust any of that stuff. Whoopi said that her dad didn't live with them but she did get to see him. She said that her mom raised her.
Howard asked Whoopi about doing shows when she was 8 years old. Whoopi said she was 7 and they had a children's program that she was part of. Howard asked if people thought she was a prodigy. Whoopi said no. She said she liked doing the performing but she may not have been that good. She told her mom she wanted to do that and her mom was supportive. Whoopi said her mother told her that if she can handle that not everyone will like what you do then she'd be fine. She said that if she wanted to follow the crowd and do what they want then she could do that too. Howard said you expect everyone to love you but that advice is brilliant.
Whoopi said her mother was brilliant. She said she knew she had two very different children. She said she's dyslexic and she understood. Howard asked if she was a bad student. Whoopi said she was if she had to read or figure out numbers. Whoopi said she can read now and she likes doing it. She said her eyes get tired now so she started to do audio books. She said she loves Audible.com. Whoopi said Howard should be reading some of those books. Howard said that would not be fun. He said he'd be commenting on the book. Whoopi said that would be the fun part.
Whoopi said it's good to see Robin there. She said she has to read her book. Whoopi said she has thought about doing the vegan thing but she can't. Robin said she can just add a vegetable. Howard asked if she still eats meat. Whoopi said she does. Howard said she should give up the red meat. Whoopi asked if they've seen her ass.
Howard asked Whoopi how she became a drug addict. He said it seems like she was in a sad place if she became a heroin addict. Whoopi said it was the times and it seemed like a good idea at the time. She said everyone looked so cool. Howard asked who looked cool. Whoopi said it was the beginning of the 60s and it was a whole different groove.
Howard asked who turned her on to the heroin. Whoopi said they were close friends. She said they're all dead now though. She said she doesn't want to disparage anyone. Whoopi said that those people saved her. She said they were slightly older than her and they told her this wasn't for her and they weren't going to help her anymore. Howard asked how bad her habit was. Whoopi said it was kind of bad. Howard said she wasn't rich. Howard asked what kind of shitty jobs she had. Whoopi said she was cleaning toilets in the subways. Whoopi said she saw some horrible things down there.
Howard asked if all of her money was going to drugs. She said it was. She said she was doing anything. Whoopi said that she got off all of that thanks to those people she was doing them with.
Howard said her big break came out of doing her one woman show. Whoopi said it wasn't easy getting acting jobs. She said she put together a show so people would know that she was capable of doing all of these things.
Howard asked Whoopi how she got the one woman show thing going. Whoopi said that she had a guy call her and ask if she wanted to do it there in New York. She said she would do it and moved in with her mom while she did it.
Howard said Whoopi did it all herself and if that was the only thing she had done it would have been amazing. Whoopi said that Steven Spielberg contacted her agent and asked her to come out and do her one woman show for him. She said that she brought the show to his studio and did the show there. It was Steven and some friends. Whoopi said she came out and it turns out Michael Jackson was there with a bunch of other people like Ashford and Simpson and Spielberg. Whoopi said that she was asked not to do some of her material. One of the things was ''Blee. T'' which was a black E.T. She said they must have thought it would be offensive. Whoopi said she did her show and people started asking for more. Whoopi said she had that one thing and she would do it if they wanted. She said she did it and thought it was going to be the end of her career. She said she did the parody and Spielberg was on the floor. Howard said sometimes you just have to do things that they tell you that you can't do.
Howard asked Whoopi about how The Color Purple came up. Whoopi told Howard that he just brought it up that he was going to be doing it and he asked her to be in it. Whoopi said she didn't think she could play that part. She said she had never made a movie before. She said she had no idea how long it would take. She thought it would be a couple of weeks. She had no idea. Whoopi said she didn't want to lie to him.
Howard said she must have freaked out. Whoopi said she was freaking out but she couldn't tell anyone. She said that she and Michael Jackson became friends and he was one who would call her to check on her. Howard said that original crew is pretty amazing. Howard said it was great of Spielberg to see how she did the one woman show too. He said that's a great way to see if she could handle everything.
Whoopi told Howard that she had her mouth open on the set of the movie because she was constantly surprised at how they did things on the set. She said that none of these things ever occurred to her before she did it. Whoopi said that movie making has not altered her view of movies. She said she can still suspend disbelief when she's watching a movie.
Howard asked Whoopi if she's still in contact with Steven Spielberg. She said she is. Howard said that she was also close to Oprah.
Howard asked if things changed for her when she won the Academy Award for Ghost. Whoopi said she's still black so things didn't change. She said that they have to go through everyone else in Hollywood before she'll get the part. Whoopi said that things are changing slightly. She said there are a lot of people playing parts on Broadway. Whoopi said it's always going to be slow to move along though.
Whoopi told Howard about how she had a friend who told her about these auditions that every black woman was going to. She said that she called her agent to ask about it and he told her that he was afraid she was going to hear that. He told her that they don't want her. Whoopi said she was the only black woman they didn't want. She said it was because she was too recognizable. Then she said that they put Patrick Swayze in the role and he asked why Whoopi Goldberg wasn't doing the part. That's what led to her getting the role. She said Patrick wanted her so bad that he wasn't going to sign if they didn't hire her. Whoopi said that Patrick came down to meet her in Alabama and they started having fun and laughing and a couple days later she got the offer.
Howard asked Whoopi what her mom thought when she got her Oscar. Whoopi said she wasn't there. She said that she had lost the first one she was nominated for. Whoopi said her mother was very private and she didn't want to see her disappointment if she had lost. Whoopi said she had to call her mother and tell her she won. She said she didn't even watch the show. Whoopi said she told her she won and she just said ''Good for you.''
Howard asked if her mother hated the name Whoopi. Whoopi said she didn't. She got that name because she farted a lot.
Howard asked if they knew that Ghost was going to be a blockbuster. Whoopi said they had no idea. She said they thought they were just making a little movie.
Howard asked Whoopi about the scenes she's had with women and if she's ever felt anyone up. Whoopi said she's straight as hell but she has kissed a couple of women in the movies. She said she was with Demi Moore in the one scene but she felt as if she was Patrick.
Howard said it has to be a great memory making that movie Ghost. Howard asked if she watches it. Whoopi said she never watches any of them. She said she knows how they're going to end.
Howard said Whoopi is on The View now and he feels like she never got to finish her mission doing more movies. Howard said he's not sure what happened there. Whoopi said she had to stop. She said she was overwhelmed with the business part of it. She said that she had to leave L.A. She said it was all about the business of the films and not about the art. Whoopi said if anyone comes to see her movie it's a good thing. She said that she had to live up to expectations and she just wasn't able to do it.
Howard asked Whoopi about her marriages and what the love of her life died from. She said that he had a transfusion and got AIDS. Howard said that's pretty awful. Whoopi said that she had a relationship with him for about a year and a half. She said she's not sure if it would have lasted but she never got the chance to find out.
Howard asked Whoopi about doing a phone sex thing when she was younger. Whoopi said she did that and people would call because they were lonely. She said it wasn't even so much about the sex. She said they're not looking for sex. They're calling because they're lonely. Howard tried calling her and having phone sex with her. Howard made his jerking off sounds as he was doing that. Howard asked if she heard disgusting things when she did that. Whoopi said it wasn't like that. She said it was just sad.
Whoopi also worked at a funeral parlor making people up. She said the ones that really hurt were the kids. She said she wanted to talk about other things.
Howard asked what happened on The View. Howard said he thinks she's great on the show. He said the ratings went up 7 percent on The View when she joined. Howard said they got rid of Joy and Elisabeth. Whoopi said she misses them. She said she talks to them once in a while. She said she wasn't brought in on that decision though.
Howard said he thinks that Whoopi doesn't like Barbara Walters. He said he told the press that. Whoopi said she knows that because they reported that based on what he said.
Gary came in and said that Whoopi has to be somewhere. Howard said he wanted to ask her about the Hollywood Squares years. Whoopi said maybe she can come back to talk about that. He said he heard she was paid $14 million for that. She said he's wrong.
Howard said Whoopi got up and walked off The View once because of something Bill O'Reilly was saying. Whoopi said that he would not hear anything that anyone else was saying so she got up and walked off.
Howard said Whoopi came in to promote this Moms Mabley thing. Howard said he adored this woman. Howard said that she was great and he would watch talk shows with her on it. Howard said the special airs on November 18th on HBO. Whoopi said maybe he can come up to the Apollo. Howard said maybe he will. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard asked JD if he had anything he wanted him to play. JD said there's a clip of Michelle Bachman talking about how we're in the end times. Howard said JD is the guy who briefs him during the break and sometimes he has no idea what he even said.
Howard said that Bachman can't separate church and state. He said that she has to preach to people. Howard said she's talking magical talk. Howard played the clip that JD was talking about. Bachman was talking about sending arms to other countries and how that seems to be the end of times scripture. Howard said she's a representative. He said it used to mean you were an intellect. Howard said now she's talking about an invisible man in the sky and how this is end times. Howard said he can't take this.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she never got to hear the show before she got a car that had it for free in it. She said that she thinks the show is very funny and she sees how loyal Howard is to his wife and to Robin. Howard said that he's going to give her a shocking statistic. Howard said that 30 percent of the audience is female. The caller said that Howard doesn't have to get up so early. She said that the majority don't get up at that time. Howard said he agrees. He said they could start at 7 and it would be fine.
Howard said that 30 percent of the 30 percent of women that listen are D-cups. The caller said that she's a D. Howard said that they measure every subscriber. Howard said they get everyones bra cup.
Howard asked JD what else he had. JD had a few clips. Howard said that he heard about one woman who went to the gym when she was pregnant and the baby popped out. Howard had Fred playing sound effects for that.
JD said he has a British TV show clip. Howard said this guy is good. He said this guy eats road kill. Howard played the audio of the guy talking about the stuff that he's picked up. The guy was eating this stuff. He was talking about putting the dead animal in running water for four days to rehydrate it. Howard said this guy is creepy. He let the clip play and the guy was talking with guitar music playing over him. The guy was also talking about eating horse penis and what a delicacy that is. He was talking about other parts that he eats and how good they are for you.
Howard asked Richard if he ever ate brains and things like that. Richard said he has tried that. Howard said you must have to put a lot of sauce on that stuff. Robin said she had relatives who ate pig brains and mixed them in with eggs. Howard asked if Richard's dad ate eyeballs. Richard said he didn't. Howard asked if he would eat a badger's tongue. Richard said that would be small. He said he's had cow tongue. He said it's tough and chewy though. He said his dad saves raccoon penis and they call them an Arkansas toothpick. He said his dad likes to eat road kill and it's a good conversation piece. He said a bull penis can be used to make a cane. He said that's how big they are.
Howard played more of the British guy talking about the stuff he eats. In that clip he was talking about how he wants to eat a human leg but he'd be considered a cannibal if he did. Richard said this guy reminds him of a redneck but with a British accent. Howard said it's funny that he thinks that they'd start to think he's weird if he ate a human leg.
Howard played another clip where the guy was eating a badger head. Howard sounded like he was going to throw up. Howard said no one eats like that. The guy was slurping his badger head. Fred played clips of Evil Dave Letterman eating some chips and that was kind of like the British guy.
The caller said he thinks there is something else. He said he's not sure what it is and maybe Howard doesn't even know what it is. He said he thinks there is something to be said about that. Howard said he has a couple of projects coming down the pike that will be fun too. He said he can't talk about them yet though. The caller said he should run with Jesse Ventura. Howard said he's not sure if he can do that.
Howard said Robin has a book signing tonight. Howard asked if she'll be on time. Robin said she will. Howard said one of the listeners was wondering if she'd be on time. Howard took a call from a guy who asked if she was going to be there at 7 and at the other place on Saturday at 1. Robin said she will be there early or on time.
Robin read about how Bruce Jenner has split with his wife Kris. Howard said he thinks they were made for each other and they should stay together. Howard said that woman married Bruce even after he did that to his face.
Robin read about Tom Hanks announcing that he has diabetes. Howard said he doesn't look that unhealthy. He said he figured he was a healthy guy. Howard said Jon Hein looks like the kind of guy who has diabetes. Robin had some audio of Hanks on David Letterman's show talking about that. He didn't seem too upset about it. Howard did a live commercial read a short time later.
Robin read about how Ronan Farrow is going to be on MSNBC as a reporter. Howard said the kid is a genius from what he's read. Howard said he worked in the White House. Howard said he read about a guy who works in the White House and he tweeted out the N-word accidentally. Howard said if he worked there he'd remove the N from the keyboard. Howard said especially if you're a white guy.
Robin read about this woman who is going to attempt to swim for 48 hours straight. Robin said she's raising money for Hurricane Sandy relief. Robin said she jumped in around 9am and other people can join her. Robin said the woman is 64 years old. Howard said he doesn't get why they do that. He said they should get out and build a house instead. Robin said the woman must feel fantastic being able to do amazing feats like that. Robin said they could do a marathon TV watching thing since they love watching TV so much.
Robin read about a guy who had a terminal illness and he asked her to be his widow. Robin said he's been trying to stay alive since he got married. Robin said he's a scientist and he got some people to help raise money to get him to the United States to get treatment he needs. Robin said he needs a bone marrow transplant and he needs between $300-900,000 to get that done. Robin said he's asking for help again and you can find his site at GiveForward.com.
Howard said he read about a guy who is dying and he has kids that he wanted to walk down the aisle. He said that they didn't have any boyfriends but the guy walked them down the aisle without them getting married. Howard said he doesn't think he could take that.
Robin had some audio of President Obama talking about this government shutdown and how he's willing to negotiate. Robin had some audio of John Boehner and others talking about the shutdown as well. Robin said the Taliban is commenting on the shutdown too. Howard said he hates when they comment. He said they just wish they could have something like we do.
Robin read about a salmonella outbreak happened with some chicken. Robin said this shutdown is causing some problems.
Howard said he wanted to talk about this Bethenny Frankel thing. Howard said Ellen is producing her show. Howard said they're saying that her ratings are really bad and she's blaming Ellen for not helping her get A-list guests. Howard said he's been in show business for 30 years and he knows you can't force A-listers to come on your show. Howard said Dr. Phil realized that and made his show work without them. Howard said if you want to be a real professional you have to figure it out on your own and seize your opportunity. Robin said that Will Smith and his wife are producing Queen Latifah's show and she's getting A-list guests. Howard said Queen Latifah has worked with many celebrities and she doesn't need help getting them. Howard said he had to become a celebrity to even have a show. He said he was the guest and Fred was his guest. Howard said this woman has to figure out something herself. Howard said she was given this show. He said that's the problem. He said you have to go out and figure this stuff on your own. Howard said he heard No a million times. Fred played Mark the Bagger saying ''no'' and told him to play a million. Howard said Fred would do that if he told him to. He said they might have to do a Million No special on Howard 101.
Robin read a story about 3 soldiers in Washington State being charged in the stabbing death of a fellow soldier. Robin said one soldier was charged with murder and the other two were charged with assistance. Robin said the perpetrator asked how it happened and he admitted he stabbed someone to death over the weekend. Robin said the story came out and now they've released the 9-1-1 call from that night. Robin had some audio of that call.
Howard said they got a lot of mail about Paul McCartney. Howard said that someone wrote about the question he asked about Ringo having the most solo act hits. The guy said that Ringo did have the most hits out of everyone. Howard said that he knew he was on to something. Howard said everyone was very positive about that interview. Howard said he has to give kudos to the Howard TV guys for their special about JD. Howard said you get to see JD heating up his food and things like that. He said he gets two Cokes to eat with his food. Howard said it's very special. Howard said they say that soda puts on weight but JD just laughs at that. Howard said JD eats off a little TV tray table. He said he should go out and eat someplace nice there at Sirius. He said it doesn't make sense.
Robin said there's a study out that says if you want to get rid of a hangover that you should drink Sprite. That's what a study found. Robin said they found that the Sprite helps to get the breakdown of the alcohol going. Robin said they tested other beverages and Sprite did the best job.
Howard took a call from Hanzi and said a lot of people wonder why he has him on the show. Gar said that Hanzi left him like 50 messages that he has to play for him. He said he talks in a low voice when he calls when he's calm. Howard said someone asked what happened to Crackhead Bob. Robin said he moved away. Howard said Hanzi is asleep. He was snoring pretty heavy. Howard wanted him to snore when he spoke so he tried to get him to do that. Howard would say his name and he's snore really loud.
Howard said this is what it would sound like if Hanzi was in the Three Stooges. He played a clip of a Three Stooges bit with clips of Hanzi saying ''NoNoNo'' in that very special way. Fred threw in some other Three Stooges clips over his snoring. Howard kept saying Hanzi's name and he kept snoring loud. Howard said that never gets old.
Howard played a Nine Inch Nails song over his snoring. Howard said he loves this song ''Hurt.'' Howard said there's a new album out that's good too. He said he thinks he's going to purchase it.
Howard had a clip of Robin on Jerry Springer. They had edited that together using Springer show clips and a bunch of Robin clips. Howard said Robin would be good on there. She could get into some good fights.
Robin got back to her news and read about President Obama commenting on the Washington Redskins and how he thinks they might want to change that name. Howard said the logo really is offensive. He said it would be like having a Sambo character on the Washington N-words team.
Howard asked if this is Hanzi's best appearance ever. Robin said it is. He still had him on the line snoring.
Robin read about the Obamacare problems that have popped up. Robin said they're trying to get the system working correctly. Robin said they hope to have it working better soon.
Howard said they could change the Redskins to the Hassidam. Howard said it's like having the Washington Retards. He said they could do that. Howard said they could have Gary the Retard on their flag. Howard said he's not sure why they're so into this that they won't let the name go. Howard said it offends a bunch of guys who have been shit on.
Robin read about the Nobel Peace Prize and who is getting it this year. Robin read off their names and said there are three who will share in that honor.
Robin read about a piece of gum that Gene Simmons chewed on that's being sold. Robin said the money will go to a charity. Robin said this is absolutely true. Howard said he thinks that Gene bought it so people would buy that other KISS junk.
Robin said Paris Hilton is giving music another shot. Howard said this has to be the end of the line. He said he's not sure how many shots you get. Robin had Howard play some of the song. Howard said it's soulless. Hanzi let out a snore after the song played. Robin read about some other things Paris has been up to lately.
Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show a short time later. He said he never did get to speak to Hanzi. Howard said he'll tell him about this product he's doing a commercial for. Howard went into the commercial and left Hanzi on hold. He was still letting out a snore once in a while.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard calls people retards all the time and he's talking about the Redskins thing. Jon said that the world gets more and more PC and it's hard to know where that line is. Benjy said that Howard did say that retard isn't an acceptable thing to say anymore. Benjy said that Oriental used to be okay to say but about 20 years ago that changed. Jon said other teams have changed but he doesn't think the Redskins are going to give in.
JD came in to talk about the spoon thing that they were talking about earlier. Jon had mentioned that he would take a spoon from a celebrity but not from anyone else. Jon said he's a hypocrite. JD said she was running out of the studio when he said he'd take it. Jon said he threw out the spoon Richard gave him. JD said he didn't throw out the spoon Richard gave him. He said he kept it.
Gary came in and said that he has said he hates spoons but he'll take one from Whoopi. JD said he doesn't know what they expect from him. Benjy asked if he'll enjoy this spoon more because it's coming from Whoopi. JD said he doesn't enjoy any spoons really. He said he would feel the need to keep it though. He said it's from Whoopi. Jon said he is building his collection then. JD said he doesn't know what the hell they want from him. He said they tell him not to throw them out but then he keeps them and they make fun of him. Gary said he can do whatever he wants to do. Benjy said that no one should ever expect their gifts to be kept.
Gary said he never would have thought that a spoon would be his Achilles heel. JD said it's not. Jon said that he had a very easy answer for Whoopi. He said he could have turned it down.
Jon wanted to see what Hanzi thinks of that. Hanzi was still snoring. Gary said on Monday they're going to play some of Hanzi's 17 minutes of messages. Gary said they have a limit of 2 and a half minutes in their voice mail but he just called in 6 times. He said they'll pull his favorite conspiracy theories that he has. Gary said they all involve Hanzi, Howard and his life.
Jon brought up Whoopi and how many different paths she's traveled in her career. The guys talked about her stand up career and her one woman show and all of that. Jon said that some of the stories she told were interesting. He said the story she told about Patrick Swayze holding out to get her the role in Ghost was interesting. Jon said that she was great in The Color Purple. He said that she's done it all.
Jon said that Whoopi was in to promote this Moms Mabley thing. Gary said he grew up watching all of those shows and his father loved her. He said that he was psyched to hear that she was doing that. Jon said that Whoopi is really passionate about that and she went ahead and did this documentary about her.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Artie would come in to promote his book. Gary said he hasn't heard from anyone yet. The caller said Artie did say that he would like to come in. He said it on Jimmy Fallon. Gary said he'll have to look into it then.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he'd like to know why Whoopi had to pull the race card out. Gary said he's not sure what he's saying. He asked how she did that today. The caller said she just brought it up and she went on a whole rant about it. Benjy said Howard was the one who brought it up. He said maybe she feels it's affected her. The caller asked how they feel about it. Gary said he thinks it's something interesting Howard wanted to talk about. Benjy said Howard brought up how few roles there are for females in general. Benjy said they talked about how few there are for black females. Gary said he saw a note about how she doesn't like to be referred to as African American. She thinks of herself as American through and through. They went to break after that.
Jon asked Ronnie if he would ever do any of that. Ronnie said he doesn't care enough to go through that. He said he's not sure what it would do for him.
Gary said he has a cousin who has a hair salon and he talked to him about coloring his hair. Gary said he doesn't want to get his hair colored every 4 weeks so he's not going to even start.
Sal came in so Jon asked what he thought about the doctor. Sal said he thought they were spot on. He said Jon didn't look good though. He said he looked like a fat lesbian in both the before and after pictures.
Jon said Ronnie is against it all. Ronnie said he's not against it but he wouldn't do it himself. He said he doesn't care. Jon asked if he likes it when women get plastic surgery. Ronnie said it can look really bad if they age and the surgery looks weird. Ronnie said he saw a woman on Columbus Avenue yesterday and she had a great body. He said she had this long hair and then she turns around and it was like Phyllis Diller was reincarnated.
Jon asked Sal if it's a lot of upkeep. Sal said it's just another facet of looking good. He said you just work it into your daily routine like brushing your teeth.
Jon asked him to take them through his morning. Sal said he uses Aveeno cream after his shower. He said he massages it under his eyes. He said if you have ass rot the cream helps it go away. He said the stuff is just great. Jon said a testimonial like that proves it. Benjy and Ronnie pointed out that he has makeup on today. Sal said he does but he has to cover up some stuff.
Sal said he uses his Rogaine and he takes the tanning spray and rubs that into his face so it's all even. Gary asked at what point he washes his vagina. Sal said he's trying to share what he does. Sal said he sprays some stuff in his hair and that's about it. He said he uses some cream on his cock and balls. He puts the Aveeno on there. He said it helps eliminate the cock cheese. Jon asked how long it takes him to get ready in the morning. Sal said it's about 40 minutes. Gary asked if he takes any time off. Sal said the day he was late after the Christmas party he was all disheveled. He didn't get to put his stuff on that morning. He said he wants to look as good as he can. He said when he was a kid he was called Racoon boy and that still bothers him. He said people made fun of his dark circles under his eyes and he tries to balance that as much as he can.
Gary asked how much stuff he has to pack to travel. Sal said he always had to check his bags when they flew so Richard hated that.
Jon asked Ronnie what he thinks about that make up thing. Ronnie said it sounds insane. Ronnie said he shaves the night before. He said he jumps in the shower for about 5 minutes, blow dries his head and then throws on some Mambo. He said he does use a face conditioner. He said it's made by Noxzema. Sal said that he sprays his hair and he gets the stuff stuck all over the wall. He said he walks down the hall when he puts it on so it doesn't get on the walls. Ronnie said it's all getting on the floor instead. Sal said his wife is pissed that he uses hair spray.
Ronnie said after all is said and done he still has racoon eyes. Sal said he went to a doctor for that. He said that guy told him he had to do a chemical peel and Botox. He said the doctor said he could just wear make up but they know what kind of guys do that.
Gary said he thinks that Sal isn't changing as much as he thinks it is. He said he thinks he looks a lot different to them than he actually does. Sal said if it makes him feel better then it's good for him.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked how they don't use moisturizers. Gary said he's never had a problem. Sal said he feels like his face is cracking if he doesn't use it.
Jon said this is foreign to him. Gary said what he does is shower and shave after working out. Then he sleeps and wakes up and takes another shower. He said he uses soap and water and that's it. He said he puts some stuff in his hair but that's it. Sal said he envies him. He said he wishes he could do that. Gary said Sal could do that.
Ronnie said he prepares the night before. He said he has the car ready to go with his coat hanging in it. He said he has the clothes laid out and ready to hop into in the morning. Gary said all he uses is hair gel, soap and deodorant. He said it's the cheapest stuff he can find too. Jon said he does the same thing. He said he shaves in the shower. He said he does put on a little cologne too. Benjy asked if he feels like Sal does if he doesn't put it on. Jon said no.
Sal said he shaves his chest. Jon asked Sal if he shaves his legs too. Sal said he does not. He said he looks in the mirror and he has to shave his chest though. Ronnie said that he doesn't shave that stuff. He said Sal is really weird. Sal said that the worst is when you jerk off in the shower and it gets stuck in the hair. He said it looks like a Jellyfish with an afro. Jon said they really have to take a break. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said Sal is the Bob Ross of eye make up. Sal said that you don't need much to look good. Gary said this seems to be such a burden. Sal said it's more of a burden if he doesn't put it on. Benjy said it sounds like something out of a 1950s housewife book on how to please your husband.
Ronnie asked if he has to go through this shit if he has to take a shower during the day after a work out or something. Sal said he has to do it again if he showers.
The guys asked Sal how much the Aveeno costs. Sal said it's not cheap but it lasts about 3 months. Ronnie asked what his pillow looks like. Sal said he had some problems with that. He said he tries to sleep on the back of his head so the make up doesn't get on the pillow case. He said his wife has yelled at him about that.
Jon said Ronnie puts moisturizer on. Ronnie said that's just one thing and it's not a whole routine. Sal said Ronnie dyes his hair too. Ronnie said he only does his moustache. Sal said he's dying his face too. He said he dyes one part and he dyes another. Ronnie gave up and just said that he wins.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he doesn't do any of this stuff and he wondered when this became the gay channel.
Jon took another call from a woman who said she was confused when she heard Sal giving make up tips. She said she had to make sure she had the right channel on.
Jon said this was all based on the plastic surgeon who was on the show today. He said that Sal takes about 45 minutes to get ready. Jon said he gets up around 4 so what time is Sal up. Sal said he's up at 3:55. He said he prepares the coffee the night before so he can get that ready quickly. Gary said he gets up at 4:12 every morning. He has no idea why. Gary said he is in the car by 4:34 or so. Ronnie said he's up at 3:25 or so and he's out of the house by 3:55 or so.
Gary said if they started work later then he might have a problem getting in. Benjy said he would love it if they started just a half hour later. Benjy said life would be normal if they did. Gary asked how an hour would make his life that much more normal. Benjy said that it just would.
Jon asked Benjy if he showers in the morning. Benjy said he does most of the time. He said he gets up at 5:15 and he leaves by 5:45 or so. Benjy said he doesn't wear any make up. Benjy said he thinks they're all fucked up with their sleep schedules. Gary said an hour isn't going to fix that. Benjy asked Gary when he goes to sleep. Gary said he's in bed by 10:15 or 10:30. Jon wrapped up and ended the show a short time later. They were done around 11:05am.