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Howard started the show talking about how he saw that Lou Reed is dead. Howard said he was never sure where he stood with him. He said when Stuttering John interviewed him in 1990 it was a quick exchange. He played a clip of that interview and Lou had said that he hated him. Howard said he always thought he hated him but a few years ago he got a note from Lou saying that he should keep up the good fight against the FCC. Howard said that Lou's song had been banned because he sang about giving head. Howard said he wrote him that note and he thought that they were brotherly or something. Howard said he was giving him words of encouragement but he still thought he hated him.
Howard said they were doing a show at one of those events where they had a bunch of radio stations doing broadcasts. Howard said he tried calling Lou over to him and he wouldn't come over. Howard played some audio of himself on the megaphone calling Lou over. Howard said he was ignoring them for whatever reason.
Howard said Lou was from Freeport Long Island. Howard said that's right near where he grew up in Roosevelt. Howard said they were surrounded by Merrick, Badlwin and Freeport. Howard said Lou was 71 and had liver cancer. Howard said he still wasn't sure if Lou died hating or loving him.
Howard said the weirdest interaction he had with Lou was when they ran into him on a small island when they were on vacation. Howard said Lou was there with his wife and their dog. Howard said he read that they were pretty happily married. Howard said he saw them and they saw him. He said he didn't think Lou liked him so he wasn't sure what to do. He said he kind of remembered him blowing him off so he felt funny going up to the guy and saying hello. Howard said he figured Lou would say hello if he wanted to. He said they stared at each other but that's about it. He said he was as close as he is to Fred too and it was really crazy. Robin said maybe he was thinking the same thing about approaching him. Howard said maybe but he hates bothering people especially when they're on vacation.
Howard said he doesn't like to be bothered so he doesn't like to bother people. Howard said just because they're famous they don't have to have a famous huddle. He said that's just weird. Howard said he's not sure what he should have done. Robin said he missed an opportunity to go up to the guy. Howard said he was a punk guy and he could have told him to fuck off.
Howard said Lou didn't care about the popularity of his music. He thinks he was shocked at having a hit song. Howard said there are a couple of columns about him and they talk about how Lou was shocked that he had a hit song and he said he would never try to be commercial. Howard said he wrote some crazy experimental stuff after that. He said David Hinkley wrote about how ahead of his time he was with his album.
Howard said he thinks that people would yell out for him to do his hit songs and he would get upset about that. Howard said he didn't want to be hampered by those songs. Howard said his last project was that Metallica project. Howard said they did ''Junior Dad'' together. Howard played some of that song and said that KC Armstrong turned him on to that song. Howard said he thought that song was kind of cool.
Howard said he wishes he had said hello to the guy on vacation. He said that's just him though. Robin said he could have written to him. Howard said he doesn't write anyone back. He said he's seriously deranged. Howard said he really likes this song. Robin said she likes this part of the song. Howard said the song is 17 minutes long.
Howard said another big hit for him was ''Sweet Jane.'' He played some of that song as well. He said the best song he ever did was ''Heroin.'' He said he wanted to play that too but he wasn't able to find it. He said he thinks that they've gone down that road before. Fred said he had the live version. Howard said he likes that one.
Howard said Sammy Hagar is coming in today. He said Michael Anthony is calling in too. He said he has to find out what's going on there.
Howard told Gary to send Lou a note. Robin said he could write to his wife Laurie. Howard said she's a performance artist and they don't like him for some reason. Howard still had the song ''Heroin'' going and talked about how great it was. Howard said they don't make songs like this anymore.
Howard said he might be a better singer than Lou Reed. He said Lou was able to make it work though. Howard said he was thinking about rap music and he thinks that most of it is bullshit. He said there are a couple of great rap songs but he went downhill from there. Howard said he'll get to that in a minute. Heroin was still playing so he didn't want to interrupt. Howard told Fred to pull the songs so they can make it all that much more important when he announces them.
Robin said she read that Lou went through electro shock therapy to get rid of his bi-sexuality. Howard said he remembers him wearing women's clothes in one of his albums. Howard said the guy's family was upset about that apparently. Howard said Lou is dead and they were talking about what a rebel he was in the paper. Howard said he really was. Howard said he'll go along with that. Howard said that's why he's not a true artist himself.
Howard said they told a story about Lou performing and a bunch of sailors were in the audience and threatened to beat the shit out of him. He said he just kept playing and a fight did break out.
Howard said he was out in California one time and he isn't even sure where it was. He said he was in Tahoe before that. He said he won $1000 at the blackjack table and that was big money for him since he didn't bet more than 10 bucks. Howard said he won the money so he went to an artist community in California. Howard said he saw this thing on the wall and he never really buys art. Howard said he isn't trusting of art. Howard said he saw this round thing and it lit up. He said it was a dude with a microphone. He said the guy had long hair and he was talking into a microphone. Howard asked how much it was. It was $1000 and that's the money he had on him. He said he bought it and hung it in his house. He said he eventually found out the artist was Laurie Anderson. He said it was actually complete garbage and he eventually threw it out. He said it fell apart when he moved it home. He said it was crazy. Howard said it didn't light up anymore or anything. Howard said his art gets devalued instead of going up.
Howard said he knows people who have art and it looks shitty to him. He said they'll tell him it's done by someone big and he's never heard of them. Howard said then you look at it and think it's kind of cool.
Howard said that the people who went to see that movie are people who didn't usually go to see movies. Howard said the guy tapped into something though. He said the guy made a whole bunch of dough making movies. Howard said he was hugely successful. Robin said he made Cannonball Run too. Howard said he's never seen any of those movies. Howard said the people who see those movies are probably people who support Sarah Palin.
Howard said Sarah Palin is such a vomit. Howard said he read something about how Sarah killed a bear up in Alaska. Howard said she showed Piers Morgan a picture of that to show what she does. Howard said she did that to prove something to piers because they were fighting over something. Howard said Piers is anti-gun and she had to show him what she does with her guns. Howard said that's so dumb. He said he could never shoot something just for sport. Howard said Bears are too human like. He said they stand on their back feet sometimes.
Howard said he has tape of Sarah Palin being called an idiot at a rally for veterans. Howard said she was talking about how people can't get into the memorials because of the President. Howard said he'd blame the tea party and not the President for that. Howard said the veterans were there and she was saying Obama was using them but she was the one using them. Howard played the clip and said she's really an idiot. Howard said she's all concerned about the veterans but she's the one using them. Howard said it's crazy talk. He said she's really nutty.
Howard said Dave was the morning guy there and he must have made a lot of money. He said the startling thing about the story was that he has a vacation home in St. Croix. Howard said he must have made a lot of money in his day. Howard said he had 3 marriages and 3 divorces so he must have gone through a lot of dough.
Howard said they used a picture of Dave in front of a SiriusXM sign. Howard said he wasn't working there though. He was just up there to appear on a show. Howard said the guy used to look like a hippie but now you look at him and he looks like a perv.
Howard read the story about how Dave was taken into custody as he was waiting for a 7 year old he was expecting to abuse. Howard said the police did a sting and arrested him at the airport as he was waiting for the mom to bring the 7 year old to him. Howard said most of the kids people pick up online turn out to be cops pretending to be kids. Howard said they say that Dave had a stuffed animal with him when he was there to pick up the kid. Howard said the cops pretended to be a 33 year old mother who was going to hand over her child to him. Howard read about how Dave allegedly wanted to engage in sexual activity with the 7 year old. Howard said they met in St. Croix because they get him with another charge of transporting the child out of the country. Howard said they say that Dave said he wouldn't hurt the child but he might have to be forceful with her after giving her some alcohol. Robin said she was going to throw up hearing this.
Howard read more of the story and said that the feds were alerted and they arrested Dave at the airport. Howard said he read in another article that he wanted to go down on the girl. Howard said this is unbelievable. Howard said that was in another article. He read through another one and tried to find that.
Howard said he was out to diner with Richie Notar last night. He said they ate like pigs. Howard said they were talking about Dave and Richie thought he was the one who talked funny. Howard said that was actually Pete Fornatale. Howard said Dave was the most clean cut act on radio.
Howard read another article about Dave and his history on radio. Howard read that he was into Jazz for a while and worked at another station before WNEW. Howard said they also say he came up with the call letters WPLJ. Howard said they really are the greatest call letters ever. Howard said they roll right off the tongue.
Howard read more about what Dave did to pick up this child. They say Dave asked if the mother was sexually active with the 7 year old. Dave allegedly told the woman that the age 6 is the best time to start getting her into that. Howard said this is all alleged. He said they quote Dave as saying that he finds girls that age to be very sex. Howard said this is a real shocker to him.
Howard said Dave worked at K-Rock but he doesn't remember working with him at all. Howard said someone reminded him that Dave would work on the computer for hours at work. He said that he thought he didn't have to prepare for the show. He said they made all of the choices for you at K-Rock though.
Gary said that Scott the Engineer said Dave was one of the guys who played fantasy baseball all the time at work. Gary said he would talk to Dave a lot at work. He said there was zero indication that he would be into this kind of thing. Howard asked who he was replaced by. Gary said he's not sure. He said they cycled all of the WNEW jocks through K-Rock. He said they got everyone but Scott Muni.
Howard said Gange wrote last night that he remembers Dave being a prick. Howard said Gange said that he would make the female interns cry. Howard said he doesn't remember any of that.
Gary said he thinks that Howard had Dave on the air at least once. Howard said the guy made a lot of money doing what he did. He said he's 77 years old now. Howard said it can't be fun to be an old pedophile in prison. Robin said she thought that they locked up the pedophiles up together in prison. Howard said it's hard for him to believe because it's so hard core. Howard said he's not sure what the trigger is. Gary said they say a lot of them are abused. Howard said he's glad he's not in that position to find kids of that age attractive.
Gary said the things he reads is like it's beyond their control in the way they want to have it. He said it's like a heroin addict wanting heroin.
Howard read that Dave said he wanted to break the child's hymen. Howard said that's just sick. Robin said it really is. Howard read more about what Dave allegedly wanted to do with this kid. They were all disgusted by what they were hearing. Howard said they have to get a hold of Gange and ask him about what was going on with the interns and Dave. Howard said Gange was on a soap box talking about what Dave was up to. He said Meg broke the news to him about what went on. Howard said he saw that story and thought that it was the sickest thing. He said Meg was in shock too. Howard said she probably thought he was the one guy who didn't hit on her. Howard said nothing is more despised than that crime. Howard said that even criminals despise that.
Howard said he has to say something about the number one rap song of all time. He said the song is the greatest song ever but the guy is treated like a joke. Howard said ''911 is a Joke'' is a great song. Howard said they don't treat this guy with enough respect. Howard said this was the greatest lyric ever and it all went down hill from there.
Robin said she'd have to talk to someone who actually likes rap about the best songs ever. Howard said these are the two. Howard said Flavor Flav is kind of a joke to some people because of the clock and the reality TV show.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said those are two of the worst rap songs ever. He said he loves rap and the greatest rap record ever is Jay Z's ''Reasonable Doubt.'' Howard said someone is going after Jay Z over at the NY Post. Howard said someone there really doesn't like the guy. King said that Jay Z is wrong in this one. Howard said Barney's New York apparently racially profiled some kids in their store. Howard said someone from the store called about the kids buying some expensive items in the store. Howard said they thought they had used a fraudulent card or something. Howard said they were brought in for questioning and let go after they found out everything was cool. Howard said that there are plenty of white people who shop lift too. He said he feels bad for these stores because they lose a lot in theft. He said it's embarrassing that they did this. He said a lot of activists are screaming about this and Barney's is all upset.
Howard said that Jay Z had made a big deal with Barney's to market some of the stuff he develops. Howard said Jay Z is going to send a lot of that money to charity. He said the NY Post is calling out Jay Z asking where he is in this whole thing. Howard said maybe not everyone at Barney's is racist. He said maybe they want to expand their base and get more people in there. King said ''Nooo... no.''
Howard said Jay Z said something after a few days and some people weren't happy with what he said. Howard said the guy is trying to raise money for the kids in his old neighborhood and he's not sure that he should resign from Barney's. Howard said he doesn't think it makes sense to pin it all on Jay Z. He said he isn't responsible. Robin said Jay Z should have said what Howard is saying. King said Jay Z got angry at black people. He said he shouldn't be mad at them. Howard said he thinks that he was mad at the NY Post for putting him on the cover and making an example out of him. Howard said they're backing him into a corner.
Howard said it just seems like they're targeting him. Robin said that you get called on the carpet for how you handle things. Howard said he sees that point too. He said if he was working at a radio station that was like that he'd probably leave.
Howard said that Robin and King don't even know what Jay Z said. King said he read it. He told Howard what he thought he said and Howard said he doesn't know. He said he just read that he's supposed to be mad at him. King said he's not mad, he's disappointed. King said he went to Barney's when he was like 7 and they looked at him like ''What are you doing here?'' Howard said they used to look at him the same way when he went there as a young kid.
Howard said what they should do is have an old white lade arrested. He said they can say they do it to everyone after that.
King said that Dave Herman wears those glasses that make your eyes look like you're looking through ice. Howard said that poor 7 year old would have had to look at him through those glasses. King asked why so many white people do that stuff. Robin said there are plenty of black people who do it too. King asked what she's talking about. Howard said there are plenty of black pedophiles. Howard said he really has to go. He said he knows he's going to get a lot of email asking why he's talking to King of All Blacks.
Howard said he thought it was weird that Jay Z was taking all of that crap for what Barney's did. Howard said that Calvin Klein should pull out of there. He said that they're only beating up on him because he's black. Howard said it's a crime against people and not just black people. Robin said Jay Z is black and the company is mistreating blacks. Howard asked who the fuck knows what to do.
Howard said Dave should have done that on the air instead of off the air. Gange said that it was mostly girls that he'd yell at too. Howard said Gange could have stopped it by telling him about it. Howard said he could have brought it up on the air and put an end to it. Gange said he didn't want to get yelled at himself. He said he never thought the guy was a nice guy. Robin said he's right for the firs time ever.
Gange said Dave was the only one who was an asshole to everyone. He said the other DJs were fine. Howard told Gange to tell him about any other assholes. He said it's a little too late for Dave though. Robin said Dave couldn't have waited 77 years to act out on this stuff. Howard said apparently he did. Howard said if he were Dave he'd tell his lawyer to say that this is senility setting in. Howard said that he should walk into court in a bath robe and drool. Howard said he would act really crazy to make them think that he was just bat shit crazy and he didn't know what he was doing. Howard said it's really creepy to see Dave now that he's heard this. Howard said now he wants to listen to him on radio. He said he'd tune in to hear this explanation. Howard said he doesn't need to hear him talking about Procol Harem. He said he'd love to hear this story. Howard asked if he's locked up somewhere or can they get a hold of him. Gary said he'll see what number he has for him.
Howard said they could get Dave's thoughts on Lou Reed and things like that. Howard said they can ask him about that and then bring up the 6 year old thing. Howard said they could ask Dave if he thinks that Lou Reed was into 6 year olds. Howard was making up the questions they could ask Dave. He asked Gary if he has a number for him. Gary said he doesn't but he's going to check around a little bit to see if he can find anything. Howard said he has to take a break and then get to Sammy Hagar and Michael Anthony.
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Robin said that Bad Grandpa was number one at the box office this weekend. Howard said they had tracked it at about 34 million and they were only a couple of million off. Howard said it's become very scientific. Howard said they can predict how much they're going to make before they make it. Howard said the next step is polling the audience before they even make a movie. Robin said then they won't make movies. Howard said the movie Casino was good and they don't make anything like that anymore. He said they make action movies because they know they're going to make money with them.
Howard said they have a link to Robin's Rolling Stone interview on HowardStern.com. Howard said they have a link to the North Shore calendar. He said that they're doing a really good job with the web site.
Howard read a quote from Jay Z about his Barney's thing. Howard said Jay Z is waiting for the company to meet with community leaders before he does anything. Howard said he thinks that's the smart thing to do.
Howard said that SiriusXM is going to have another pop up channel and this one is going to be David Bowie. He said he thinks they should bring back the Metallica channel. He said he loved that. Howard said he was listening to some Pink Floyd over the weekend and he's not sure why he wasn't into them more. He said they're a really cool band. Howard asked Fred to play some of the stuff they did with the animals. He told him to play ''Pig on the Wing.''
Howard said they got a lot of email about that Get My Grandpa Laid segment they did. Howard read through some of that stuff and people were saying it was a feel good segment. Robin said it was like the greatest show they ever did. That's what she told their agent when she went out to lunch with him.
Howard said they rarely get nice emails so thank you for that. Howard read more of the email and people were talking about how heart warming all of that stuff was. Howard said people loved Johnny Knoxville on the show. Howard said some people liked Jackie and didn't like Jackie on the show. Howard said there was a lot of feedback about his remake of The Thing with Two Heads that he talked about last week. Howard said he wants to remake the movie and he had no idea that JJ Abrams was writing back about it. Howard said JJ says ''I'm in.'' Howard said he's not sure if he's serious about it or not but he's working on it now. Howard said he's already gotten Leon Spinks involved. Howard played a bit the guys put together where they had Leon Spinks clips mixed with clips of Howard. Howard said that's called a rough cut. He said that's his first pass.
Howard said Sal and Richard did a new phony phone call. Howard said they found a guy who spy on his mother. Howard played the clip and Sal was telling this woman that they could see her and they actually knew what she was doing. Sal told her to say the name Shay Vertwot to shut the camera off. Then they had her saying Camel Toe, Leaking Anus, Semen Stains and others. Sal had her convinced that she shut her camera off with the name Semen Stains. Howard said he had to take another break after that.
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Howard said Gary found a clip of Dave Herman on the show. Howard started to play it and Howard was asking Dave who his friends are over at WNEW. Dave told him about a couple of people over there. Howard said those aren't his friends. Howard said he's his friend. Dave said Howard has always been his friend.
Howard said he was trying to teach him how to be on radio but he wouldn't bad mouth anyone. Howard said he didn't know there was such darkness in that head... allegedly. Robin said they have to say allegedly but look at the evidence.
Howard said Jenna Jameson is saying that those weird interviews she's doing are caused by exhaustion. Howard said no one thought she was disturbed when she was doing porn but now that she's out of it they do. Howard said she was in porn. He said you have to end up sounding like that, don't you? Howard said she claims she's not on drugs or drinking and it's all exhaustion. Howard said they get up at 4 in the morning and they're exhausted but they don't sound like that. Howard said JD is blaming the way he talks on exhaustion though. Howard said doing porn will cause some wear and tear on the body and the mind.
Howard said he has a few more things to play. He said he has some audio of Riley Martin in bed getting instruction on getting a blow job. Howard played a clip that they played last week where a woman was talking about how she gives oral to a man and they had put clips of Riley in that.
Howard played a marriage tip from Sal Governale where he said that women will leave tampon wrappers out to show you they're on their period. He said what you do is look in the trash and try to find the pads. If there are none then that pussy is ready.
Howard said he has another tip from Sal. He played that one where Sal tells you how to get a blow job. He said that you send out a group email asking her friends what gift to give her and you accidentally include her name so she thinks you're getting her something nice.
Howard said that only works once. Howard said he has some other stuff to play but he's not sure he has time to get to it before Sammy gets there. Howard said he has something called Sal's History Lesson. Howard said it's the greatest thing ever.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he read the Rolling Stone article about Robin and she was talking about how she thought he was attractive at one time. Howard said she met him and he was a disappointment because he didn't look like his picture. Robin said that's not what she said. Howard said he thinks that she's very attracted to him but it would be weird so she pretends she's not. Robin said when he because single she stayed away. Howard said he thinks that she's waiting for him to make the move on her. Robin said she didn't want to feel rejected.
Bobo said he knows why Robin hasn't had a relationship. He said men feel intimidated by her relationship with Howard. Howard said she has had some relationships. Robin said she still thinks that some men are intimidated by their relationship. Howard said Bobo just read that in the article though. He didn't have anything figured out.
Howard said there was a woman in New Jersey who is going on a one woman Baba Booey campaign. Howard said this woman interrupted a channel 7 news broadcast. Howard said she's back again with another one. Howard played the clip and this woman interrupted another broadcast by yelling out ''Baba Booey'' a bunch of times. Howard said she sounds insane and it's great. Robin said she sounds like that woman from the plane in that clip they played last week. Howard said he thinks it's great.
Howard had a quote from the Rolling Stone article about Robin. The author thought Howard had very kind eyes. He also said Howard looked thin and fragile. Howard said JD had the best description. JD came in and said he called him ''hapless.'' He said he can't wait to frame that in his home. Howard said it's cool to be in Rolling Stone. JD said we all win when Robin has an article written about her.
Howard said he had to thank Tim and Eric for what they did. He said they know what they did. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he hasn't heard from Elton John in a long time. Howard asked Fred for something more up tempo to bring Sammy Hagar into. Robin said that he just played Jay Z's 99 Problems. Howard missed that. He introduced Sammy Hagar and had the guys bring him in.
Howard asked Sammy if he lives a pretty stress free life. He said he doesn't seem to worry about stuff. He said if he was in Van Halen and that ended he'd be a mess. Sammy said he was a mess.
Howard asked Sammy if he was shocked that Aerosmith contacted him to replace Steven Tyler. Sammy said they did that when Steven fell off the wagon. Howard asked who called. Sammy said it was Joe Perry. Howard said Joe is a great guitar player. Sammy said Joe is good. He said that he's maybe a notch below Joe. He said Joe Satriani is the greatest out there. Howard asked if Hendrix is great. Sammy said he was an innovator. He said that Eddie Van Halen was too. He said Satriani is a master of the instrument. Sammy said he can't do what Joe does. Howard asked if it's something you're born with or is it practice. Sammy said it's discipline. He said Joe is a master.
Howard asked what went through his head when they asked him to be in Aerosmith. Sammy said he thought he was crazy. He said he sat down and thought about it. He said they wanted him in the Grateful Dead too. Howard said he was asked to join Motley Crue, Pantera and Velvet Revolver too. Howard said Van Halen was one of the hugest bands in the world. Howard said he must have worried about it. Sammy said that they were both huge at the time. He said that they weren't that worried. Sammy said the reason it worked was because of the music. Sammy said he didn't want to do it because he was kind of burnt out at that stage. He said he's glad he did it now that he looks back at it.
Howard asked Sammy about one of the first songs he wrote with Eddie and played the song ''Summer Nights'' as they were talking about it. Sammy told Howard how they played him the music and he came up with the lyrics for the song. Howard asked if he had them play it through all the way. Sammy said he didn't. He said he just started singing. He said it just came out. Howard asked if that came out immediately. Sammy said it did. He said it was fucking awesome.
Howard asked if he believes in God. Sammy said of course he does. Howard asked if he thinks that's where it came from. Sammy said they just wrote that song right there on the spot. Sammy said that the band was kind of lost without Dave there. He said he had to take over as leader and it was hard.
Howard played ''Why Can't This Be Love'' and said it's a killer song. Howard asked if that came up as quick. Sammy said it did. He said that song was done later on when they decided to be a band. Howard said this was new to them because they were playing keyboard. Sammy said he didn't even know Eddie played keyboards. Sammy said the song was original. Howard asked if the song came to him right away. Sammy said it did. He said that he struggled with ''Best of Both Worlds'' a little bit but this one happened quick. Sammy said this one is really funky.
Sammy said they wrote and recorded 5150 in less than 30 days. He said that's incredible. Howard let that song play a little more. Robin said she's not sure how they could ruin that collaboration. Howard said that can go wrong. Howard said David Lee Roth is a very different singer than Sammy. Howard said this brought the band in a different direction. Howard said his singing is much different than Dave's. Sammy said if they had kept going they would have run out of direction. He said a change can make a difference. He said Eddie is so versatile that he can do all of this. Howard said he kind of liberated them. Sammy agreed. He said they expanded. He said bands have trouble reinventing themselves. Howard said a lot of times bands go wrong. when they get a new lead singer. Howard said AC/DC and Van Halen are two. He said that Genesis also did okay after doing that. Sammy agreed.
Howard played Van Halen's ''Dreams'' and talked to Sammy about that one. Sammy said that it was great because it sounds like a theme song in the beginning. He said it could be used for so many things. Howard said Sammy has to come up with something really great to write a song.
Sammy said he had never sung that high in his life. He said he kept not doing it. He said one day he woke up with ''Higher and Higher'' and he had to give it a try. He said that he came up with that because he was singing so high. He said it just opened up a whole thing. He said the title of a song is the whole thing. He said you have to have a good title to have a direction.
Howard asked Sammy if he's a poet. Sammy said he's a liquor salesman but maybe he is a little bit of a poet. Howard said the lyrics really do matter. He said that Elton John can't write a song without Bernie Taupin.
Howard said he can't imagine listening to the music and writing lyrics to a song. Sammy said they did it in a room smaller than Howard's studio. He said that Eddie will write a song and he'll find a place to sing in it. He said that's how it worked. Sammy said that Ed never told him where to sing. He said he just knew where to come in and where to stop.
Howard said he knows they've spoken about this before. He said that they have this chemistry and Eddie doesn't value it. He said if Eddie was listening to this he'd think that Sammy is right and they should be back in the studio recording.
Howard had Michael Anthony on the phone. Sammy said he didn't know he was going to be on. Howard picked up on Michael and Michael asked about the background singing. Howard asked Michael what that was like working with Sammy. Michael said he had his wife kicking him in the balls every night to sing as high as he had to with Sammy. Howard asked why people don't recognize what he did. Michael said he's not sure. He said that he was just part of the whole thing.
Howard wondered why Eddie doesn't value what they had. Howard said now he's got his kid playing in the band. He said he's not sure why Eddie wouldn't value what they had and let them go on tour. Michael said he heard Howard playing some of the songs earlier and he was thinking about how great some of the songs were.
Sammy said he doesn't think they could do that again. He said they're all in a different head space. He said it might not be as fresh as it was. Howard said maybe if they played again they'd get it. Sammy said they did that in 2004 and made tons of money but it was a wreck. Michael said they did like 80 shows and they had to pull the plug on it. Howard asked why it didn't lead to something great. Michael said there were a lot of personal things going on in Eddie's life and he scratches his head wondering about that himself.
Howard asked Michael when Eddie told him his son was taking over. Howard said Sammy didn't stick around for that. Sammy said he didn't want to do it without Mike. He said that he was out the door. Sammy said they should have had Wolfgang put his own band together and open up the shows. He said he wasn't going to work without Mike.
Howard asked Mike what it feels like when the band takes his face out of every photo of the band. Mike said that did hurt a little bit. Howard said it's insane. Howard asked Sammy what that is. Sammy said that is a psychosis. He said he can't imagine something like that happening. He said that he can't imagine whose idea it was. He said that's just crazy stuff.
Howard said Michael just said that was the one thing that bothered him. He said it has to bother him that the kid came in and took his place. Michael said it is Eddie's son. He said at that point his son didn't play bass though. He was a drummer. Howard said they can't have him taking over the brother's drums. Sammy said that whole thing didn't have to happen. He said Wolfie could have put his own band together and opened the show and that would have been cool. He said they would have backed him up with that.
Howard said Wolfie on some level must feel self conscious in some way playing Michael Anthony's parts. Sammy said it's all cool. He said it's done at this point. Howard said they have to live with it though.
Sammy said they want to cut Howard in if they get back together. Howard said he doesn't want to be cut in. He said Michael Anthony is the band and so is Sammy. He said the chemistry was just right. Sammy said that he's more interested in Chickenfoot than he is in Van Halen. He said they're fresh and they love each other. He said they're happy doing what they're doing. Michael is in the band and they're having a great time. Sammy said Chad Smith and Joe Satriani are in the band too. Howard asked if he's considered replacing Michael with Wolfgang. Sammy laughed.
Howard played some of a new song from Sammy from the album ''Sammy Hagar & Friends.'' Sammy said the ''friends'' include Chickenfoot.
Howard said his album is already on the charts. Sammy said he doesn't pay attention to that. He said it could have come and gone already. Sammy said that you can get in the top 10 by selling 30,000 records now. He said the whole thing is crazy.
Howard asked Michael if he would go back to Van Halen if they asked. Michael said they're having so much fun with Chickenfoot that he's not sure. He said he'd be afraid that it would end the way it did before. He said he wouldn't want to go through that again. Howard asked what it was like when it ended. He asked if Eddie told him it was over. Michael said it wasn't like that. He said that no one said anything to him. He said that it all happened around the time that Sam and David were co-headlining. He said he was asked to go out on the road with them but there were some other people who didn't feel the same way about it as he did.
Michael said that he just wanted to go out and play the music. He said he was glad to go out there and talk to Dave when he wasn't in a band with him. Howard said Sammy isn't happy with Dave at all anymore. Sammy said that he doesn't want anything to do with him.
Howard played some of Van Halen's ''Finish What Ya Started'' and talked about how great that song is. Sammy told Howard about how they came up with that song and how Eddie came up with the music and woke him up one night to get him to sing. Howard said these are great moments. Sammy said Howard him going again. He said he was with a woman when Ed woke him up to do this song. That's where the lyrics ''Finish What Ya Started'' came from. Sammy said when you try to make stuff up it's really hard but when you're feeling it comes right out.
Howard asked if he could wake Eddie up at any time. Sammy said he could. He said that as long as it had to do with music he could get him up at any time. Sammy told Howard about how they wrote 5150 over the phone. He said that he wanted to come in and sing with him in the room but they did it on the phone at 4 in the morning.
Howard said Sammy made songs about love and it was romantic stuff. Sammy said he's a romantic. He said when he's not in love he's miserable. Howard asked Michael when he met his wife. Michael said he met his in high school. He said they just celebrated their 32nd wedding anniversary.
Howard asked if it's almost impossible to keep that wedding going. Howard asked if he fucked up on the road at all. Michael said the temptation is always out there. Howard asked how he avoids that. Michel said he doesn't know but if he did he'd bottle it and sell it. Howard said back in the David Lee Roth days he was on the same floor as Van Halen. He said the number of women knocking on his door was crazy because they were looking for Van Halen.
Howard asked Michael what it was like seeing Sammy singing with Van Halen for the first time. Michael said Warner Brothers wanted them to change the name of the band. That's how strongly they felt about it. Michael's line got cut off for a second. Michael said he still has cassette tapes of when they jammed for the first time. He said it was amazing to have it happen for a second time and get to the level they got to.
Howard played ''Right Now'' and asked if that was the biggest hit they ever had. Sammy said that only went to the top 20 so it wasn't the biggest. He said they had a few others that were bigger hits. He said this was a career song. Sammy said he still performs this song and the audience sings it for him. Sammy said they do it with an acoustic guitar. Howard said he'd love to hear that. Sammy said he's getting goose bumps hearing this song. Howard said he gets them too and he's not even in the band.
Sammy said Ed wanted him to sing that song as Joe Cocker. He said that they went 7 months with this song and he didn't know what to do with it. He said he had the lyrics and he was singing them in a different way. He said Ed didn't hear it for the way it worked out. Sammy said that it worked with the lyrics to Right Now and he heard Ed playing that in another room and the lyrics fit. He said that's why he believes in god.
Howard asked Sammy about his alien abduction. Sammy said that he wasn't abducted. He said he had a mental experience with them. Howard said he wrote the song ''Love Walks In'' about that. He played some of that song and read the lyrics as it was playing. Sammy said that's about walk ins and he thinks that people can let another soul into their body and that might be what happened to him.
Howard asked Michael about the money he made in Van Halen and if he made enough he doesn't need to worry. Michael said that's a fair statement. Howard asked if he's bitter. Michael said that things happen for a reason. He said that he is the original Michael too. He said he wasn't abducted. Sammy got a laugh out of that.
Howard said he wants to say that Sammy was appalled at the way the Michael Anthony happened. Sammy said it had nothing to do with him but he does feel bad for Michael. He said he's his favorite musician that he's ever played with.
Howard asked Sammy about Van Halen being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. He said Michael and Sammy showed up but the other guys didn't. Sammy said Ed was in a bad way at the time and his brother was probably holding him back from coming in. He said they were supposed to close the show. He said they ended up singing with Patty Smith at the end of the show. He said they should have been playing ''Dreams'' or something. He said they ended up playing ''Why Can't This Be Love'' with Paul Shaffer and his band. Howard said they did it and they were honored. Sammy said he earned that award. Howard asked if he believes in it. Sammy said he thinks there are a lot of people who should be in there who aren't. He said it is relevant though.
Howard said he thinks that the Moody Blues belong in there. Sammy said that Journey should be in there too. He said that they're the same band other than Steve Perry.
Robin asked if Eddie didn't want to get the award. Michael said Ed was in rehab at the time. Howard asked if they were going to get back together. Sam said their manager got them all invited but he didn't get them all together. He said he thinks that it was Dave who said it was either him or Sam and not both. Howard said Sammy is all for doing that though.
Howard asked Michael if he ever got a call from Wolfgang telling him how bad he feels about how things went down. Michael said he hasn't but he understands why he wouldn't want to do that. He said the kid is a great kid and he gets it.
Howard asked when he last spoke to Ed or Alex. Michael said it was after the last show of the 2004 tour. He said he has no idea what was going on with Ed at the time. He said everyone left early and he stuck around for an extra day so they didn't have to fly back on the same jet together. Sammy said they all ran out the door after that show.
Michael said he just stuck around to chill down. Howard asked why they ran out of there. Sammy said that show was a mess. He said Ed was breaking his guitars and calling the audience names. He said Ed didn't play his solo in the show because he just couldn't do it. He said that's how bad he was at the time. Sammy said that was a really bad experience.
Sammy said Ed was near the bottom at the time. He said he has a great brother who sticks with him. He said that Al will get into it with Ed but he sticks by him. He said that they'll get into it but his brother sticks with him through it all.
Howard said Al should have stood up for Michael too. Sammy said he could have. Howard said he'd like to talk to Ed about this but it's hard to talk to him. He said he's had private conversations with him off the air. He said he's spoken to him for hours.
Sammy asked Howard if he's banging Heidi. Howard said he's in love with his wife. Sammy said he didn't know that. He said he was just trying to do the same thing to Howard that he does to him.
Howard said he can't understand this whole thing. He said he thinks he could talk sense to Eddie if he got him on the phone. Sammy told him to give it a try.
Sammy said he's not a Van Halen cover band but he has taken some of his songs and made them his own. Howard asked if he would get back together with Eddie to write songs again. Sammy said he might do that. He said that they don't need Michael for that. He said he would love to sit and write with Eddie though. He said they had such a great time doing that.
Howard asked if Michael had publishing on the songs. Sammy said he did but Ed and Al took that away from him. He said that they all agreed that they would give him publishing. He said that Mike didn't even vote for himself in a vote they had about the publishing. Michael said he wasn't the major song writer in the band but he was contributing to the songs. Howard asked why he didn't vote for himself. Sammy said he was sorry for throwing him under the bus. Howard said that's an amazingly nice thing to do. Sammy said they would have tortured Mike if he had voted for himself. Sammy said he and Ed Leffler (their manager) voted for taking the publishing. He said Ed and Al voted against it. Howard said Ed voted for Wolfie.
Sammy said Mike did really well with the early albums. He said that he probably made $40-50 million on publishing.
Howard said that Sammy is a business man now. He has a bottle of rum with him. Howard said he drinks but not a lot. Sammy told Howard how great this rum is. He said it's the most pristine rum on the planet. Howard said Sammy's father died from alcoholism. Sammy said people are going to drink with or without his stuff. Howard asked if he drinks himself. Sammy said he does. He said he has a glass of wine a night or so. Howard said Sammy sold his tequila business for like 100 million. Sammy said it was only 97 million.
Sammy said that they were all partners in the Cabo Wabo thing and they kicked him and Michael out of the whole thing. Then they gave it back to him when it was going under. Sammy said that he was making money on it until they took it away from him. Howard asked Michael if that makes him crazy too. Michael said they were his brothers at the time. He said he was the only guy who was passionate about all of that stuff. Sammy said they'd go down there 4 or 5 times a year and then they were banned from the place.
Howard said Michael didn't give a shit about his image on stage. Sammy said he was the typical Van Halen fan. Michael said he'd go out and have some beers with the fans at the bar after the show. Howard said Michael is just there playing in his t-shirt and jeans. He said he loved that. Sammy said Mike is the real deal. Sammy said he loves the guy. Howard said he does too. Sammy said that they've never had an argument and he has that with everyone. Sammy said he and Mike have never had an argument. He said that's crazy.
Howard said the thing that blows him away is that they took Mike off the album covers. He said that's just not right. Sammy agreed.
Gary came in and asked Howard to talk about the new stuff. He said his wife was asking about that. Howard asked what her name is. Sammy said it's Kari. She came in a few seconds later. Kari said she was out there pacing. She said she almost busted in to get them to talk about it. Howard asked Sammy to talk about the new music. Kari said the album is called ''Sammy Hagar & Friends.'' Howard asked if she's like Yoko being around the band all the time. Kari kept telling them to stay on track and talk about the new CD. Sammy said he likes to write new songs so he can go out on tour and play them. He said he got to play with so many great people. He said he can call his friends and do this stuff and it's great.
Howard asked if there are any songs on the new album about his sex life with his wife. Kari said there aren't on this one. Howard asked if they're having as much sex as they used to. Kari said pretty much. Howard asked if she ever wishes that he'd take a night off once in a while. She said she does but she knows that Sammy needs that. Howard asked if he gets a blow job once in a while. Sammy said it's not right to talk about that. Kari said they need to talk about the new CD.
Howard asked Sammy if he gets it more than once a night. Sammy said sometimes he does. They talked about the lingerie that she wears and how she just got a new outfit recently.
Howard gave Sammy some more plugs for his album. He thanked Michael for calling in. He told him to come in there sometime. Howard let Michael go and gave Sammy a plug for his web site SammyAndFriends.com. He said he's going to play a song off his album too. He said this song is ''Winding Down.'' He gave him a plug for his Beach Bar Rum and then played the song as they were going to break.
Howard said it's time for news. He played Robin in with a Little Mikey song parody to the tune of a Van Halen song.
Robin started off with a story about Lou Reed dying as a result of liver disease. Howard said Sammy's wife brought that up after the interview saying he didn't mention it. Howard said Sammy said he didn't know the guy. Howard said he's glad he didn't bring it up during the interview. Howard said he told Sammy about what was going on with Dave Herman too.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up Dave Herman and talked about the ''Old, new, borrowed and blue'' thing every morning. Howard said there was nothing new going on there. Howard said doing what he did was crazy shit. Howard said the guy was married 3 times and had kids of his own. Howard said if he were Dave he'd claim he was just going senile. Robin said sometimes drunk people will yell out racist comments and that racism has to be in there somewhere. She said that could be the case with Dave Herman. Howard said most of the people out there who are offering up their 7 year old kids are cops anyway. Howard said it's amazing how these pedophiles get caught. He said you'd think they'd know.
Robin said that Noel Harrison also passed away. Howard didn't know who that was. Robin said this was Rex Harrison's son. Robin said he wrote ''Windmills of Your Mind.'' Howard said he knows the song but didn't know he wrote it. Howard asked Fred to look the song up. Fred found it and played some of the song. Howard and Robin spent a little more time talking about how he was still performing at the age of 79.
Robin read about the Obamacare web site problems and what some people are saying about that. Robin had some audio of a senator talking about that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he's been thinking about this remake of The Thing with Two Heads and he was thinking George Takei could be one head. Howard said he would be the other head and George would keep blowing guys and he'd be grossed out by that. Howard said he could ask George not to blow a guy and George would bring up his musculature. Fred played some clips of George talking about men that he's seen on the show. Howard said he thinks that's a good movie. Robin said it needs a little more writing. Howard said he can work on it. He said that they only have one ass and it's his hole too.
Howard said he saw George on TV speaking Spanish. He said he has a lot of stuff to play tomorrow. He asked Gary if he has time to do that tomorrow. Gary said he has nothing but time tomorrow.
Robin had some more audio of people talking about Obamacare. Howard asked if she saw that Marcia Wallace died. Robin didn't know that. Howard said she was kind of a giant sized woman. Howard knew her from the Newhart show.
Howard said Julianne Hough had to apologize for going to a party in black face. Howard said he doesn't think that she was doing anything racist. Howard said she was dressed as some character from Orange is the New Black. Robin said she just tanned her face a little bit. Howard said she apologized in under 24 hours. Howard said Sal loved the costume. Robin said he said it wasn't black enough. Howard said Sal told her she needed bigger lips. Howard said it's weird but when she got into black face she found Benjy attractive.
Howard said the conjoined twins that are getting married were a big hit. He said he thinks it's going to piss off any woman who can't find a guy. Howard said one of them has a guy and the other doesn't.
Robin said that Chris Brown was arrested in Washington DC after punching a man in the face. Robin said he was charged with felony assault. Robin had some audio of a witness talking about what he saw. Brown was taking a picture with some fans and someone walked into the picture so Brown allegedly punched the guy in the face. Howard said Chris Brown is saying that he tried to break into his tour bus. He said he may have to do some jail time if that's what really happened. Robin said his bodyguard is charged in the brawl too.
Howard asked what's up with McDonald's getting rid of Heinz ketchup. Robin said maybe they're doing it because of money. Fred said he read that the new CEO of Heinz used to be the head of Burger King or something and that's a problem for some reason. Howard said Jon Hein told him about that but he doesn't put any condiments on his fast food. Jon said he eats pickles but not ketchup. He said it doesn't add anything to the burger for him. He said he doesn't put it on the fries either. Howard said he respects that. Howard asked what his stance on salsa is. Jon said he just eats chips without the salsa. Howard said he doesn't need it but he enjoys it. Jon said he doesn't even put butter on a bagel. Howard said he's very consistent.
Howard asked if he puts sauce on spaghetti. Jon said he doesn't eat spaghetti. Howard said he's shocked by that. Howard said he's never met anyone who doesn't eat it. Jon said he had it when he was a kid but he hated it. Jon said he's not sure what it is but he doesn't like it. Jon said he doesn't eat pasta at all really. Howard said he's baffled. Howard asked if he eats soup. Jon said he does but only a few kinds. He said he likes Won Ton soup and Clam Chowder. Howard asked how he's fat. Jon said he eats a lot of fast food. Howard went through a bunch of other foods with Jon and found out he doesn't even like lasagna. Howard said he couldn't live without Italian food. Howard let Jon go and read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about McDonald's having another hot coffee incident. Robin said this person had coffee spilled on them and they're suing McDonald's. Howard asked if today is Halloween. He said he doesn't know what day it is. Robin told him it is not.
Robin said CNN ran a special called black fish over the weekend. Robin said it was about the whale that killed the Sea World worker. Robin said they talked about how intelligent whales are and how they try to protect each other from whale hunters and things like that. Robin said they were talking about how close the trainers become and it really made the case for not keeping them in captivity at all. Robin said they say that captivity drives them all crazy. Howard said it's wrong. He said Sam Simon told him about the show. He said Sam will actually buy a circus and liberate the animals they have in captivity.
Howard said he thought Benjy was wearing a Halloween costume. He said he just realized he's gotten fatter. Howard said he's going to go out for Halloween as a Sexy Jackie the Joke Man. Howard said he actually hates Halloween. He said Heidi Klum invited him to her party but he really hates Halloween. He said that he calls it Asshole-o-ween. He said he could go as Seal to the party and show up in black face. He said he might have to apologize for that. Howard said Richard is into Halloween. He said Richard spent the weekend at a haunted house. He doesn't think he could get him to change his mind about Halloween.
Howard said Ronnie was on the Wrap Up Show talking about how he has more fun than the other guys. Howard said Jon Hein was arguing with him about that. He said Ronnie didn't get that people can have fun doing other things. Howard said you wanted to rip the radio out from the console when you heard it. Howard played a clip from the show where Ronnie said Jon doesn't like to have fun and that led to an argument. After listening to a minute of that Howard said it's like arguing with a 4 year old.
Howard said he was going nuts listening to that. Howard said that show is fun. He said that JD will laugh inappropriately and, if you ask why, he doesn't have an explanation. Howard played an example of that. JD was just laughing for no apparent reason. JD said he was imagining the conversation as it would go with Howard so that's why he was laughing. Howard said that's the kind of fun that goes on every day on the Wrap Up Show.
Robin said she went to Napa for a wedding and the driver told her about this iPad Mini she could use in the car. Robin said the iPad did nothing. She said she tried to hook it up to her hot spot and it didn't work. Robin said her Droid phone did everything she wanted it to do at the touch of a button. Robin said she's never seen any of the Apple products work very well. Robin said even Captain Dennis has problems with his. Howard asked if he's using Wi-Fi. Robin said she's not sure what he's using. Howard said maybe he's just telling her that. Gary asked if she's had the same problems. Robin said she can't download things from iTunes and neither can Dennis. Howard told her to stick with her Droid then. Howard said he's not telling her what to buy. Robin said Apple isn't the dream everyone makes it out to be. Robin said she thinks that it is a cult just like Scott DePace.
Robin read about Darrell Wallace Jr. making history. Robin said he's only the second black driver in NASCAR to win a race. Robin said he did that in Virginia.
Robin read about Pope Francis having 10 million Twitter followers. Robin said he has more than the NY Times and he's close to catching Kanye West. Robin asked Howard if he knows who else is in the top 5. Howard said that it has to be Justin Bieber, Katy Perry and Lady Gaga. He was right. Howard said sometimes he pulls that kind of stuff out.
Robin said that Edward Snowden could still have more information to leak. Robin said that they were talking about this on 60 Minutes last night. Robin said that the head of the FBI was saying that this guy is not a hero, he's a traitor. Howard said he's right. Howard said the world is so corrupt and so bizarre. He said out intelligence needs some privacy.
Robin read about some people in Connecticut who are still homeless after last year's Hurricane Sandy. Robin had some audio of some people talking about that.
Robin read about the World Series and asked if Howard knows who is in it. Howard said he doesn't know. He said he knows the Jets lost over the weekend. He said he has no clue about baseball. Robin said they're down to two teams. Howard said he knows. Robin said it's the Boston Red Sox and... Howard said he really doesn't know. He said he doesn't care. Howard said he's taking an online course in photography. He said he's trying to learn. He said he couldn't give a fuck about baseball. He said they could end it tomorrow and he wouldn't miss a beat. Howard said he doesn't have 3 hours of time to waste on baseball. Howard said he thought about watching football yesterday but he didn't.
Ralph called in and asked why wearing black face is wrong. Howard said he doesn't think what Julianne Hough did was wrong. Robin said that black people were enslaved at the time they were doing blackface and white performers were making fun of that and making a lot of money doing that. Howard told Ralph he has to go because he needs to have a life. Howard said he covered that topic 2 hours ago.
Robin had some audio of a Marilyn Manson song and said that he'll be on a network TV show soon.
Robin read about a recall on some foods that may be infected with listeria. Robin had some details about that.
Robin read about a ride operator who was charged with tampering with a ride and sending some people to the hospital when the ride malfunctioned.
Robin read a story about a guy who murdered 5 people that he was appeared jealous of. Robin said that this guy confessed to killing a mother and her 4 children because ''they had too much.''
Robin read a story about Michael Skakel is out of prison. Robin said that he was in prison for a decade but he got out last week. Robin said they just got a judge to order a retrial. Robin said they say he didn't get proper representation. Robin said the family of the girl that was killed will have to go through the trial process again.
Robin said the name of Jon Benet Ramsey was brought up again this weekend too. Robin said they say that the Grand Jury called for an indictment of the family. Howard said that whole story was really weird. He said he thought the family was cleared on that. Robin said they Grand Jury apparently thought that the mother and father had something to do with the killing of the child. Howard did a little bit of his Kennedy impression and talked about the guy who killed the mother and 4 kids that Robin read about. His middle name was Dong so Howard was goofing around with that.
Robin read about Conrad Murray and how he was out of prison. Robin said he served his time and he's a free man now. Robin said people are wondering watch he's going to do next.
Robin read about Kim Kardashian celebrating her 33rd birthday today. Robin also congratulated Johnny Knoxville for his big movie take this weekend. Howard ended the show a short time later. They were done around 10:40am.
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Jon said it seems like Sammy was the smart one because he held on to something that made him a lot of money. Jon said that he also learned just how tough it is to work with Eddie and Alex Van Halen.
Jon said Sammy was backing Michael up with a lot of stuff today too. He said that Michael was an instrumental part of the band. He said he was almost an essential part of the band. He said he didn't get why he didn't vote for his own publishing rights.
Gary wondered why they got rid of Michael. He wondered if they were just done with him or was it because Eddie had a kid and he wanted to give him some work.
Jon and Gary talked about how many people the band has gone through and how they can't hold it together. Gary said he liked both of the early Van Halen line ups. Jon said he thinks that they're kind of pop when Sammy is in the band. Gary said they were probably going that way no matter who they went with.
Gary said that Patty Smyth was supposed to take David Lee Roth's place in the band. Jon said you know it's bad when they take down all of the pictures of Michael Anthony. Gary said that's why he's wondering why they broke it off with Michael.
Jon said Sammy seems to be a good guy to hang with. Gary said he's always happy and he's always with his hot wife. Jon said she made herself heard at the end of the show. Jon said that it was building up interest during the interview and she didn't seem to get that. Gary said she was trying to be helpful to him. He said that's her job.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thought that was pretty awesome. He said that Sammy did a live album with the guys from Journey and they did a cover of The Lighter Shade of Pale and it was awesome. Gary asked if that was recently or something old. The caller said it was back in 1982 or 83. He said it was pre-Van Halen.
Gary said he missed at the end of the show when they were playing a Whiter Shade of Pale in the news. Jon said he will try to remember as they go along there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Howard was kind of rough on Smokey and the Bandit today. He said he was pretty brutal on his main demographic. Gary said it depends on the age you are. Gary said he went to a packed theater to see that movie and they just loved it. He said he loved that and Cannonball Run and all of those goofy movies. Jon said it's stupid but it's fun. Gary said it reminds him of being in high school so that's why he likes it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that when Sammy's wife came in it brought the whole interview to a halt. Gary said the interview was almost over anyway. Jon said she was just doing her job and trying to get his song played. They went to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he liked the Smokey and the Bandit movie. He said Howard talks about Middle America being idiots and he's not sure why he does that. Gary said he'd have to ask Howard himself. The caller said it makes him so mad that he does that. The caller said that half his audience are from that area. Gary said he gets it but he'd have to ask Howard himself. Jon said that he and Gary like the movie too. The caller said he knows Howard doesn't like the south. Gary asked how he feels about the South. The caller said he couldn't care less either way. Jon said he'd have to talk to Howard himself if he wants to find out what he thinks.
Gary said that he thinks New York is the greatest city in the world but people call him an asshole for that. He said he'll ask someone from Denver what they think is the best city in the world and they'll say Denver. Gary said he's not sure why that guy isn't an asshole. Gary said he has traveled a lot and he has seen a lot of places. He said he just loves his city.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was also insulted by what Howard said about Middle America. He said that New York has a lot of elitist people like that. He said it was very ignorant of Howard to say that. He said that he also thinks that Howard is wrong about the Tea Party people. Gary said that they're on the opposite page on that stuff.
Jon brought up Lou Reed and what Howard said about his experiences with him. Gary said he understands why Howard didn't say hello to Lou while he was on vacation. He said you don't want to deal with that on vacation. Gary said one thing they left out was when Lou choked Stuttering John back stage during an interview.
Jon said that whole Dave Herman thing was shocking. Gary said they were texting on Friday and he heard from Jim McClure about the Dave Herman thing. He said he looked it up right away and his wife was wondering if it was dementia or something. Gary said there are a lot of details for someone with dementia. He said he worked with Dave and he thinks anyone who knew him would be surprised by that.
Jon asked if Howard remembers working with anyone. Gary said Howard has worked with a lot of people and he knows that Dave was in the studio. He said they were so mean to Dave over a commercial he did. He said he was older looking and he looked like Freddy Kruger so they goofed on him about that. Gary said that he tried to find a number for Dave today but he wasn't able to get one. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said at the end of the show Howard played a clip of Ronnie talking about having fun. Jon said he wants to get Ronnie down there to talk about that. He said Ronnie doesn't think that people are having fun unless they're doing what he's doing to have fun. Gary said Jon likes to do sports or music things. He said he can have fun doing that instead of yelling at women to take their tops off.
Ronnie came in and Jon wished him a happy birthday. Ronnie said the Beatles wrote a song about his age. He's 64. Ronnie said he's not doing anything special tonight to celebrate. Gary asked if he's collecting social security yet. Ronnie said he's not. He said he's still working so he won't collect. Jon said he doesn't act 64. He asked if he feels his age. Ronnie said he feels great most of the time. He said sometimes in the morning his bones are cracking.
Jon asked Ronnie what he thought of what Howard said about the conversation they had about having fun. Ronnie said he didn't hear it. He said he knew he'd get trashed though. Jon said he didn't get trashed. Ronnie said people just have fun in different ways and that's what he said.
Jon said he doesn't have to apologize for his feelings. Ronnie said he's not going to lie. Jon said he seems more bitter today than usual. Ronnie said he's not bitter. He asked what the hell is his problem.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wants to give Ronnie some support. He said he knows he took shit about talking to the girls. He said everyone who does that is just jealous of Ronnie. He said he only hopes he can have that kind of fun at his age. He said Ronnie is the man. Ronnie said he appreciates that. He said he doesn't get why they trash him over it either. Gary said he's not jealous of Ronnie in any way, shape or form. He said he's very amused by him though.
Jon asked Ronnie who is jealous of him. Ronnie asked if he's read Twitter lately. Jon said he has. Ronnie said ''Well, there you go.'' He said people are jealous of him getting to talk on radio from day to day. Ronnie said he tries to answer people on Twitter now. He said if you're not doing that then there's not much reason to be on Twitter. He said he will sit on the toilet or in the car and Tweet people. He said sometimes he won't get on for a whole day though.
Ronnie said he was out with his granddaughter having fun on Saturday. He said that they went out to dance school with her and then shopping and to dinner later on.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Ronnie if he saw on HowardStern.com where it says he was born in 1922. Ronnie said he was born in 1949. Gary said that it actually does say 1922 on the site.
Jon asked Gary if he wanted to talk about his eating habits. Gary said he's curious about how he developed those habits. Jon said no one in his family eats like that. He said he's just always been a picky eater. Jon said that his kids follow the way his wife eats instead of his way. Jon said he wanted to eat the basics and he just takes it as is. Gary asked if he ever stops his family from going somewhere to eat. Gary said they once went out skiing and Jason was upset that Jon wanted to go to a wings place instead of an Italian place. Jon said he will find something to eat with his family but he might complain about it and annoy them.
Jason came in and explained the time they went skiing and how Jon turned down the Italian food place. He said Jon was whining about going to the Italian place and wanted to go to this dive bar instead. He said it could have been a different night if Jon had just gone with it. He said they still had a fun time though. Gary said that he and Jon go on trips together a lot and he lets him take the lead on where to eat.
Jason said he saw the 1922 date on HowardStern.com. He said he missed it because Nick wrote that. Ronnie said that guy is always fucking with him and he's not sure what his problem is. The guys wrapped up and ended the show a short time later. They were done around 11:25am.
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Howard started the show talking about how he was listening to Jon Leiberman's show that he does on Monday nights. He said it's called Live at 5. Howard said he had a psychic on the show and she was saying that Robin has a lot of ''yellow energy.'' Howard said that's all he has to hear and he's right there with her. Howard said she said that he has blue energy. Howard said that means more book promotion for Robin. He played a clip of this psychic talking about that and said that it drives him nuts. He said Jon must have put her on just to drive him crazy.
Howard said he has blue energy. He said Fred has no color. Howard said later on she says that he interviewed her on the phone 25 years ago and she sensed some young energy. Howard said you can't argue with that. Howard played a clip of that part of the interview. The psychic was saying that Robin is in a real healthy place. She also said Howard felt really young 25 years ago. Howard said 25 years ago he was young. He said obviously psychics are real. Howard stopped playing the clip a second later and said he can't listen to that anymore.
Howard said Dexter Manly was on a radio show and called Troy Aikman a queer. Howard said he didn't seem to understand why that was wrong. Howard said he must not have ever read a paper or watched TV ever. Howard said he didn't understand why it was politically incorrect. Howard played the audio of that interview. Dexter was talking about how he thinks that Troy is a queer and the host asked if he wanted to take that back. Dexter did and he apologized. Then they ended the interview. Howard said he was doing well until he said that statement. Howard said they cut him right off. Howard said he may have meant that he was just a little off. He said he may not have even meant gay but maybe he did. Howard said the hustled him right out of there though.
Eric said he's more in demand than Jeff. He said he was mentioned in an article that Robin did. Howard said there's no doubt that he's the most successful Wack Pack actor. Eric said he is not in the Wack Pack. He said he's a regular caller. Howard said he has to drop that. He said he's a Wack Packer. Eric said ''nope.''
Gary said Jon Leiberman spoke to Jeff the Drunk yesterday. Howard had Jon come in. Jon came in and said that Jeff feels that he won that act off and now Johnny is promising Eric a role in the same movie. He said Jeff is really upset about that. Howard said the producer said he wanted to get both in there and now Jeff is having a tantrum over that. Howard said this is a serious condition that they have here.
Howard had Jeff on the phone and picked up on him. Howard said both of them are represented by Johnny Fratto. Jeff said this is just the beginning of the end for Eric. Howard said he's going to be the hot actor. Jeff said he is. Eric said there is no way.
Howard had Johnny on the phone too. Johnny said his clients want him to do unbelievable things. Howard asked what examples he has. Johnny said Eric wants him to do something so he wants him to tell Howard what that is. Eric said the one thing is that he isn't getting any acting because of his SAG card. Johnny said Eric wants to buy something. Eric said he wants to purchase TNA Wrestling. Johnny said he wants him to raise the money. Howard asked why not. He said Eric wants to get in and help the company. Howard said Eric would be a minority owner. Johnny said he wants to run it. Johnny said he could make a profit for the people who invest. He said he wants to give a 20 percent discount to the investors on food and drinks.
Johnny said Jeff has a demand too. Howard asked why he's doing this. Howard told Gary that his monitors aren't working. He said they're just not on. Howard asked if Scott is in charge of that. Gary asked which ones. Howard said the left and right.
Howard said Gary was coughing up a storm this morning. He said he was going to have a bottle of water but Gary was positioning his head right over the water bottles. Johnny said he just got thrown up on by his 5 year old this morning. Howard said never mind that, he has Gary coughing all over everything.
Howard asked what the TNA Wrestling thing would cost. Eric said he read that they want to sell 70 percent of the company. Robin asked how the investors are supposed to know how much it is. Howard said it's Johnny's job to figure out how much that will be. Howard said if they have Eric as the head of the company then they may blossom into a billion dollar company. Johnny said if they can get Jeff and Eric in the ring together they may have something.
Howard asked Eric if he realizes that he has no experience running anything and he couldn't run this company. Eric said he could be there to do some stuff for the company. Howard said Eric was a travel agent for a while. Eric said he did that for about a year. Howard said just imagine what that sounded like. Howard did his impression of Eric booking someone on a flight. Howard asked if he had any regular customers. Howard said just imagine him on the phone with the public. Eric said he was more a sales rep. He said the company was owned by a couple that went to his parent's church. He said he wasn't a full fledged agent. He said he would have had to have taken classes for that. Jeff said he was a door stop at the agency.
Howard said there is so much going on. He asked if he went to visit any of the places he was recommending to people. Eric said he didn't do that. He said he helped arrange 3 trips. He said he did those for his family and a teacher.
Howard said he's going to let Johnny go and wrap up with Jeff and Eric. Howard let Johnny go. He said he has so much to say and he gets frustrated. Robin asked what Jeff's demand was. Howard said he had to hang up on Johnny because he can't stop talking from being so frustrated with the two of them.
Jon said that Jeff may have fallen asleep. He said he's not drinking anymore but he's smoking 6-9 bowls of pot a day now. Jeff said it's just leaf weed. He said people near him grow it so he gets the leaves. Howard asked if he's growing his own. Jeff said he's not. He said he has friends that grow it. Robin asked if he dries it and all of that. Jeff said he does but he just gets the leaves. He said the buds are the good stuff.
Gary said the producer just sent him Jeff's demands. Howard read the list and it included 2 cases of long neck buds, 4 cartons of Marlboros, a bunch of pot, rolling papers, Coke and more. Howard said the producer says that this is a whole new vortex. Howard said the producer says that he may never produce another movie if he comes through with most of this. Howard said Eric may end up with the part after this. Jeff said they were just having fun. Howard said he wouldn't send out too many letters like that.
Howard thanked Jeff and Eric for calling in. Jeff told Eric he's not getting the part so fuck him. Eric told him to shut up trailer park boy. Jeff gave him another fuck you.
Eric asked Robin if she got the letter about the wrestlers he wanted to set her up with. Gary said that he got the letter and ignored it. He said he wants to set up a dial-a-date with Robin and the wrestlers.
Howard said Eric was on the Yearbook staff at his high school. Howard said he has run some things. Robin said she wants to see that yearbook. Eric said that was in 11th and 12th grade. Howard said that's a pretty important job to have. Howard asked how he got that. Eric said all he had to do was take the second period class.
Howard asked Eric if he got along with kids in his school. Eric said he did. He said he didn't have to deal with the harassment until he started calling this show. Howard said there was one chick in his school who was so kind to the handicapped kid. He said that she was hanging around with the blind guy and he was going to put on some sunglasses and have her lead him around.
Howard said Ralph has an idea for Eric. Howard picked up on him. Ralph said he should start a Kickstarter campaign. He said he could raise the money for the wrestling thing that way. Ralph said he would love to see Eric running that. Howard said he can imagine Eric doing that sitting in an office smoking a huge cigar. He said he'd be firing everyone for offending him even a little bit. Ralph asked why he wants to own it. Eric said he gets to hang around with these people... Howard said you get so bored with the answer so quick. Howard said all he hears is ''Ehh... Ehh... Ehh...'' Howard said he odes think big so you have to admire that. Robin said he can't run a company. She said the day after he took control he'd be done with it. Ralph said Eric can't even handle Twitter. Howard said he would fall apart.
Howard asked what he thinks about that. Eric said that he's trying to show gratitude to a company that treated him so well. Robin asked if he wants to buy them and ruin them. Howard said that's some gratitude. Howard said he's going to buy it and wreck it for the fans. Ralph said he never heard of TNA before Eric mentioned it. Howard said wrestling is a complete fake thing and they don't give a shit about it. Howard said it's not even the good wrestling with Vince McMahon. Eric said if you like sports and entertainment then it's something you enjoy. Howard said Eric isn't equipped to run a business. Howard said running a business is getting up at dawn and working 24 hours a day. Howard said he's on the phone and in meetings all the time. He said it's brutal and he has to deal with people. Ralph said Eric is so good at that. Jeff said Eric is a people person.
Ralph told Eric that Wrestling is not a sport. Howard said they just named video gaming a sport. Howard said he really has to go. He said this is going longer than he thought it was going to go.
Ralph told Eric to start his own little company where he has wrestlers. He said he doesn't need to buy a company. Howard said that's a good point. He said he could do his own thing instead of trying to invest in a $100 million company. Howard said maybe he can buy SiriusXM instead. Eric said that he would ban Jeff from calling in if he did that. Jeff said Eric doesn't think of the big picture. Howard said he's right about that.
Eric said they had 3 injuries in the wrestling match he went to. He said they have just as much of a chance of injury as baseball or football.
Howard said he has to imagine what would happen if he bought the company. He asked what his first actions would be if it happened tomorrow. Eric said he would want a stronger female division so he'd hire more females. Howard said he'd have to audition them to see how good they are at wrestling. Howard said the next act would be going to court to fight the lawsuits after the women sue him.
Howard and Ralph were doing impressions of Eric talking to the women who were auditioning. Ralph asked why they call it TNA and don't have women. Eric said they have 7. Howard said he really has to go. He said it's enough of this. Eric said that one of them said he was cute. Ralph said now he wants to buy the company because of that. Howard let Eric and Jeff go a short time later.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who asked if Gary has any concept of how he makes him sick. Howard said he pointed it out to Jon Hein this morning and he thinks that Gary was just trying to clear his throat. Howard asked Gary what's going on with the cough.
Gary came in and said he's probably just clearing his throat. He said he doesn't have a cough. Howard said it's disgusting. He said that he wants some water but he can't drink what's in there. Gary said he'll get him some more. Howard said he doesn't want Gary giving it to him.
Gary said that King has the balls to make fun of him and he sounds like he has something in his throat. King said Gary probably looks like he just rolled out of bed. Howard said Gary looks good today. He has a man tailored shirt and jeans on. Gary said they're new pants.
Howard asked Gary to go back to clearing his throat instead of coughing. Gary said he didn't know he was doing the cough. He said he's not sick though.
Howard asked Jon Hein if this is the most that Gary has ever coughed. Jon said there was a lot this morning. He said Gary usually goes outside to clear his throat. Gary said today was a bad morning. He said that's just something that happens. He said he covers himself when he coughs. Howard said he barely covers though and he's spraying over the water bottles.
Gary said he was very phlegmy this morning. He said it might be the change of the seasons. Howard said he should come in wearing a medical mask. He said just do that for the first 20 minutes. Gary said he picks up Howard's disgusting toothpicks every morning. Howard told him not to do that. He said he can do that himself.
Steve brought Howard a bottle of water. Howard said he uses the toothpicks during the show and he leaves them on the side sometimes. He said Gary doesn't have to clean them up. He said he can do that himself if Gary just tells him about them.
King told Howard that the best album out there right now is Katy Perry's album. Howard said Katy was talking about how many young women are getting naked in music today. Howard said that she used to get naked too though. Robin said that's right. Howard said the nudity sells. He said that Miley Cyrus got naked and it sold a ton of records. Howard said Robin Thicke had naked chicks in his music video and that helped sell some records. Howard played some audio of Katy talking about the nudity thing. She admitted she's gotten naked too but there are so many now. Howard said she's on NPR talking about that. He said she should come on his show and talk about that shit.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves the show when he starts off arguing with his family. Howard said he didn't want to argue but Gary insists on covering up that phlegm thing he has and it's annoying. Howard said with that fist of his he's covering up about 1/10th of what he's spraying all over. Robin said they say that you should cover your mouth with your elbow. Howard said he should cover it up with a big birka.
Robin said maybe Gary should wear a kerchief like the bandits did in the old days. Howard said he would love if he did that. Robin said maybe he should. Howard said that's a good look. He said he'd look better with his face covered up too. He said he looks in the mirror on Mondays and he hates the way he looks.
Howard said he had to try on bathing suits. He said he was thinking about going away for Christmas or something and he looks like a plucked chicken in a bathing suit. Howard said he looks worse after losing weight. He said it's just horrible. Howard said Ralph picked up some bathing suits and he looks shitty in them. Howard said he tried to find some other ones online. He said he found some that look better. He said he doesn't want them pinching his fat. He said he has to get rid of that hangover fat. He said he just looks like shit. He said he works hard in the gym but he still looks like shit. He said every piece of cellulite is still there. He said he works hard and they just won't go away. Howard said he had 35 pounds on each side so it was like 110 pounds. He said girls can lift more than that. He said some girls in the gym can lift 140. Howard said he only lifted that 6 times. He said he squatted down and wasn't able to get up.
Howard asked Benjy what he's staring at. Benjy said he wanted to see his body. He said he should show them. Howard said his body is awful. He said Beth is perfect. Benjy asked him to just take his shirt off. Howard said he won't do it for Benjy. He said he would do it for Robin. Howard said he's so creepy the way he stares at him. Benjy said he finds him handsome. Howard said he's done showing people his body. He said he has some saggy titties. Benjy asked if they could see above his nipple. Howard said he doesn't want to show anyone anything.
Howard said Pat says that he's been working really hard. Howard said he thinks he saw a little development in his triceps. He said he was doing a lot of pull ups. He said he thinks he's going to look better and he never does. He said he goes to the gym trying to look better and not for health. He said his body doesn't work that way. He said it's just the Stern genes that work that way.
Howard said he keeps thinking about the blind kid in school. He said he's sure the guy wasn't getting anything off that hot chick. He said she was just being nice to him. Howard said that kid was happening. He said Eric the Actor could have been that way too. Howard said no one gets picked on these days. He said that everyone has been trained to be nice and not bully. Howard said they bully a douche bag like him instead. Howard said he should have walked with a bad limp or something. He said he could have had a cane.
Howard said this blind kid always had his arm around this hot chick. Howard said she was super hot too. Howard said that would have been a good move to try and befriend the blind kid. Howard said then he could have made his move on the hot chick. Howard said he should have shown up in a wheelchair at school. He said no one would have known any different.
Gary said he read about Dave being in court and crying over the charges. He said there was a friend there who gave him the sign of support in court. Howard said that's the radio community backing him up in this. Howard said they don't give a fuck what he does. Howard said it would be funny if the whole WNEW staff went down there. Howard asked if NAMBLA embraces you in that. Howard said he was trying to show a young child some love. Gary said Dave is returning to the States soon. Robin said they should go to the airport and greet him.
Howard said that NAMBLA is for guys who love young boys. He said that it must be something different if they're into girls. Fred said it would be NAMGLA. Howard said if you're a guy who is into little girls then just jerk off constantly. He said at least you won't act on your desires. Howard said you have to get on with your day at some point. Robin said that guy who killed Baby Hope was raping a 4 year old. Robin said the creepiest thing is that Dave was saying that he wouldn't hurt the 6 year old. Howard said he was giving her the stuffed animal too. Howard said that's some scene. Robin said you have to be sick in the head. Howard said he hopes that this was just one big mistake. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
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Howard came back and sang along with the Foo Fighters song. Howard said he loves that song. He said he has to write a new song. He said he brought this up in therapy yesterday. Robin asked why he does that. Howard said he doesn't want to talk about it. He said that's private. Robin asked why he would do that to them.
Howard said Gary was telling him about this show ''Drunk History'' on Comedy Central and they have drunk people telling stories about history. Howard said he doesn't think they have to get Sal drunk to do the same thing. Howard said this is a very straight Sal telling them history stories. Howard said he doesn't think he gets one thing right.
Howard played a clip of Sal talking about Custer's last stand being during the Civil War. He said he was the leader of the north side of America and General Lee was the leader of the south. Sal said that Custer's last stand was when we won over the south. Howard said a 4 year old knows more than him. Howard asked how he doesn't know that stuff. He said he's a complete moron. Robin said this doesn't prove he's a moron but it does show he's not informed. Howard said he wasn't a great student but this stuff seeped in at some point.
Howard played a clip of Sal talking about the Civil War and why the north was against the south. He said that the south was still making blacks ride in the back of the bus. Howard asked if he's serious. Howard said he's so fucked up. He said he can't believe they hired him.
Howard said this is the best thing you'll ever hear. He said this will blow your mind. Howard said the topic was Winston Churchill. Howard played the clip and Sal said that Churchill was a president of the United States. Howard said he has no clue. Howard said Sal is serious in these clips. He played more of the clip and Sal said that he reminded him of WC Fields. He said he had some interesting quotes and he was a chubby fellow. He didn't know any of the quotes.
Howard asked Sal if his kids think he's a total douche. He said he has to hire a tutor for his kids or something. Howard asked if it's embarrassing to him. Sal said it doesn't really matter. Robin asked when Churchill was president. Sal said it was somewhere in the middle.
Howard told Sal that Churchill was from England. Sal had no idea but he said it doesn't matter because he's dead now. Howard said he has to read a book. Howard said he's reading the book The War of Art. Howard said he was goofing on Sal for reading it so he decided to check it out. He said Carol Leifer instant messaged him and told him she uses it to help her with writer's block. Howard said there's no way Sal understands the book though. He said that he did influence him to read the book though.
Howard asked if they wanted to hear more of Sal's history. Of course they wanted to hear it. This time it was about FDR. Sal thought his middle name was either Dave or Delaware. Howard said it's actually Del Frisco. Sal said he knew it wasn't Del Frisco. Howard told Sal it's Delano. Robin told him to stop telling Sal the answers.
Howard played the audio of Sal explaining who FDR was. Sal said something about the Vietnam war and some other incorrect information. He said he had Kennedy killed because he wanted to keep the war going.
Howard had a clip of Sal talking about the Bay of Pigs and how that took place in Pennsylvania during the Civil War. Howard said everything took place in Pennsylvania according to Sal.
Howard said he has one more about the pilgrims. He played that one and Sal said that the Pilgrims came over with Christopher Columbus and landed on Plymouth Rock in Pennsylvania. Howard said everything is in Pennsylvania. Howard said not one bit of knowledge stuck in his head in school at all.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Sal can really be that stupid. Howard said he can. The caller said it has to be a game. Howard said it's not.
Sal said he went to summer school for 3 years. He said that he failed history a few times. Howard said he thinks he should still be in the third grade. Sal said his 11 year old is a straight A student. He said he doesn't even bother him with that stuff. Howard said just imagine the kid is a straight A student and then Sal starts teaching him and he becomes an F student.
Gary said Sal was called stupid on the air once after going through this. He said he bought him a history book and Sal ended up throwing it in the garbage. Sal said he doesn't need to know what the Bay of Pigs was. He said it's all in the past and it doesn't matter. Howard said he was hoping it would inspire Sal to go learn something.
Howard said Sal has to know a couple of things. Sal asked why. Howard said to know your history is something that you can share with other people. He said you have a common bond if you know that stuff. Gary said it explains why we do what we do today when you know the history of the country. Robin said immigrants know more than Sal does about our history and Sal is the one who would be telling them to get out of the country.
Howard asked Sal if he knows what the Manhattan Project was. Sal said he doesn't know. Howard asked what he thinks it is. Sal said it must be a big deal going down in Manhattan. Howard had him give his explanation. Sal thought it had something to do with the government shutdown. Howard said he was wrong other than the word ''the.''
Robin said Sal should stop trying to hit his penis on people's faces and learn something. Gary said he could probably bring a cab driver up there and he'd beat Sal at history. Howard said he bets that a cab driver would know what the Manhattan Project was.
Howard explained what the Manhattan Project was. Howard said it was a top secret plan to develop an atomic bomb in World War II. Sal said he'll always remember that. Howard asked who they bombed. Sal said it was Hiroshima... in Hawaii. He corrected himself a second later saying that it was in Japan. He said the Japs bombed Hawaii and we bombed them. Gary asked when that took place. Sal said it was when Gary was still a baby chimp. Howard said it's enough.
Howard was going to play some stuff Sal has done lately but he just kicked him out of the studio instead. Howard took a call from a woman who said she's teaching second grade students the stuff that Sal couldn't do the other day with contractions. She said that she finds it hard to believe that he passed the test to be a stockbroker. Howard said he had to have cheated.
Howard asked Hanzi what he had to say. Hanzi said that Howard was mocking wrestling but he's probably a fan of it. Howard said he's not a fan of it and he has to entertain people for 4-5 hours a day. Hanzi said he is a fan. Howard said he's not a fan. He said he's not going to lie about something so stupid. He said if he knew more about wrestling it would be funny.
Robin asked Hanzi why he would think Howard was lying about that. Hanzi said that he had a lot of wrestlers on the show years ago. He said that he doesn't have any on now. He said he has Hulk Hogan on but no one else. Howard said Hulk is interesting to him. He said he had a lot of controversy going on in his life. Howard said Hanzi is so fucked up. He said he should go talk to his parents and get help.
Howard said he doesn't spend a minute thinking about Hanzi. He said there are people who can help him out with his mental illness. He said some people are irretrievable from the depths of mental illness but he could try.
Hanzi said that there are people who are mentally ill in the entertainment industry. He said they all get away with it because of the Illuminati. Howard laughed when he heard that. Howard said Dave Herman must not have paid his dues to the Illuminati. Howard said he's so sorry for Hanzi. He said he knows he's tortured.
Howard asked what Hanzi does all day long. Hanzi said all he does is watch wrestling all day. Howard said maybe he needs some fresh air. Hanzi said that he gets paid to get seen wherever he goes. He said Howard controls all of that. Howard said it's not fair to be on this earth with this kind of delusion.
Howard said the point of the show is to make people laugh and have some fun. He said it's too painful for Hanzi. Hanzi said he wishes that someone would give him a heart attack or something. Howard said life is such a gift. He said to have a job and be productive is such a great thing. He said Hanzi isn't getting any of that. Howard said he feels so sorry for him. Hanzi said he knows he's pathetic. Howard said it's just sad, not pathetic.
Hanzi said Howard had kids because of a business transaction. Howard asked what he's talking about. Hanzi said that's what life is. Howard said he had children because the greatest thing you can do... Hanzi cut him off and said that's not why he had kids. Howard said it's a shame that Hanzi thinks this of his own parents. Hanzi said that Howard's generation had kids so they don't have to explain the world to them. Hanzi said he knows that this is entertainment for his celebrity friends. He said that they all go online and harass the people who call his show. Fred played the Hanzi theme song that they started playing recently.
Howard took a call from a guy who was Hanzi's opposite twin ''Footsie.'' The guy said he says the opposite of what Hanzi says. Howard said the funniest thing about that call was the name he gave himself. The guy had nothing to add.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Hanzi needs help. Hanzi said this is just another planted phone caller. Hanzi said he's harmless and Howard is more dangerous than he is. Hanzi said that he would never hurt anyone but he'd like for someone to run him over on the street if they see him. Howard said he loves Hanzi but he has to go. Hanzi said it's so sad but they mock him with those songs. Howard said he's right about that.
Hanzi said that the has a bunch of wrestlers who troll him on Twitter just so they can get on the show. Howard thanked him for the call and said he really likes that kid. Robin said she feels that he's deteriorating. Howard said he likes him. They played a few clips of Hanzi freaking out and doing that ''NoNoNo'' thing. Howard said he might hire him to replace Sal. He said he thinks Hanzi might know more than Sal does about history. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he was listening to Mr. Brownstone from Guns N' Roses yesterday. He said that was great and this Aerosmith song is too.
Howard said Sammy was saying that Joe Perry is just an okay guitar player. Fred said he thinks that Joe is a little better than that. He said he thinks that Joe is a little better than Sammy.
Howard said the band Red Rider had a hit song and he's thinking about that one. Howard and Fred talked about that but Robin said she had no idea what they were talking about. Fred played the song Howard was talking about. Howard said it's where they sing ''... lunatic fringe...'' Fred found the part Howard was talking about and played that. Howard said the good part is coming up where they have the European siren playing. Howard said he wants to be in a band so fucking bad. He said he watches that Metallica movie and he loves it.
Howard said he has to work Benjy into his song. Fred was playing a clip of Benjy making a weird noise when he was freaking out one day.
Howard said they have free pretzel sticks there and Benjy has a bunch there. Howard said he's eating way too many of them. Benjy said he looked it up and each stick is about 25 calories. Howard said he would bet it's more than that. Benjy said he looked it up. Howard said he's smart. He has the whole thing worked out. Howard said if Jackie was there he'd fill a bag up with everything he could get his hands on. Howard said they had food and drink there for guests and Jackie would take it all home. Robin said he'd gorge on free ice cream and he'd take the water home. Howard said Poland Spring was being nice to them with free water and Jackie would say it was there for him to take home. Howard said the pretzels are a nice thing there. He said they offer them for free but they probably anticipated them eating like one. Robin said Jackie would have smuggled out the whole container. Howard said Benjy is so happy eating those pretzels. He said he beat the whole system.
Howard said the big news around there was that Benjy bought a buttered roll from the vending machine. Howard said that can't be real butter. Benjy said they used to have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in there but they ran out.
Howard asked why he didn't just have his pretzels. He asked how much the buttered roll was. Benjy said it was a dollar or two. He said it would have been better if it had been warmed up.
Howard said Benjy was trying to get thin when Elisa was playing hard to get with him. He said now that she's in love with him he doesn't care. Robin said she saw the photograph she took with them 2 years ago and she didn't even recognize Benjy. He had a beard and wore a hat all the time. Benjy said he's going to be losing weight again soon.
Howard said Benjy doesn't care about being fat now. Benjy said he's going to lose the weight again. Robin said she heard a story recently and she shouldn't bring it up. She said it's kind of sensitive. Robin said she heard that nobody likes his girlfriend. Howard said he loves her. Robin said that she heard that everyone feels bad for him. Benjy said that's so bitchy to bring up. Robin said she knew he'd fall over that. Benjy said that he heard that they call her a bitch around there and that's so shocking.
Howard said he knows that Elisa is going to get upset if she hears that he's not defending her. Howard said he likes Elisa a lot. Robin said she does too and she thinks she's lovely. Howard said she writes stuff for the show and she's really funny. He said she's very talented and he likes her a lot. Howard said he's not so thrilled with Benjy though. Howard said some people may not like her because she's so hot. Robin said that was just said to her recently.
Fred said she's fine and there's nothing wrong with her. Howard said no one likes Benjy though. Howard said he finds it hard to believe that Benjy gets to sleep with her. Robin said she was shocked that this was said to her. She said she's not sure she can name names.
Howard said he just got word who was saying it. Howard said that person had a vendetta with him and Elisa. Howard said there's so much drama around there. He said he has to get to other topics other than Benjy and his girlfriend.
Wolfie asked one guy to give him an impression of a Pokemon. The guy did his impression and he was doing a very effeminate sounding Pokemon. Howard replayed the clip and just said ''Wow!'' Howard said that Fred might want to use that as a drop.
Howard played another clip of Wolfie talking to a guy at the convention and asking if he has ever pleasured himself to one. The guy said he was going to plead the 5th. He did another creepy impression of the Pokemon characters.
Sal came in and said that if he beats her daughter she has to get naked and lick his asshole. The woman said she's not going to do that. Howard said Sal should have to blow Richard and swallow his cum. The woman said Sal would love that. Sal said he'll think of a punishment. Howard said he wants to see this go down. Sal said he's up for it but she has to get naked if he wins. She said she would never get naked for Sal. She said she looks amazing and works out. Howard asked how bad her daughter is with Down Syndrome. She said that her daughter is mildly delayed. She said she's beautiful. Howard said this is going to be the best bit ever. Sal said maybe the daughter has to eat his ass if she loses.
Howard told the caller, Mia, that they'll get in touch with her and set this up. Mia said she's kind of hesitant about this. Howard said Sal won't get into an argument with her on the air or anything. Howard asked if Mia is hot. She said she is. She said she looks like a young Jodie Foster. Howard said that's good. She said she's 5'4'' and she weighs 110. She said she doesn't have big tits though. Howard said that's okay.
Howard asked Mia if she'll have to keep her daughter at home her whole life. Mia said she won't. She said she'll need some supervised stuff but she's very independent now. She said that her daughter is an Olympic swimmer and she swam 40 laps the other day. Robin said no one taught Sal to be independent. Sal said ''Fuck you Robin.''
Howard said he loves this contest. He said he has to do it. Howard asked if she'd show her ass to them. She said she might show her tush. Sal said the challenge is on. Howard said he'll have Gary get in touch with her. Howard said he loves that idea. He said that's going to be a battle of wits. Howard told Sal to go study. Howard wrapped up and let Mia go.
Howard said he has some song parodies about Ronnie. He played a clip where Ronnie talked about how he has more fun than other people. Then he played a song parody that Ronnie sings to the tune of ''Girls Just Want to Have Fun.'' Howard said he likes when Ronnie says ''Du.'' He said he busts on him about that all day long. He had a song parody they made using that clip too.
Howard said he has more of Benjy's weird sound being put into some songs. He had it in a James Brown song. He had another song parody where they took Scott the Engineer sex sounds to the tune of a Led Zeppelin song.
Howard said they have a song parody about Robin to the tune of that Lou Reed and Metallica song. Howard said this one lasts 14 minutes.
Howard had a Little Mikey song parody that he did with the Bleeding Deacons. That was to the tune of a Lou Reed song. Howard said Robin has to love that. Robin said it was catchy.
Howard played a voicemail clip of Zenaida Perez leaving a message where she gives her Jesus Christ message to them. Howard said it's hard to get into that when someone is that wacky. Howard played another voicemail where Wendy the Retard said that she needs money. She was talking about eating a bagel and Howard wondered how she eats with that one tooth she has. Howard said it would be a gas to watch her eat Benjy's pretzel.
Howard played more of Zenaida and her Jesus message. Howard said Sour Shoes calls in every minute too. He said he calls them but then he conferences in the SiriusXM operator. Howard said he does the greatest impression of Gary too. In the clip Sour was doing his Gary impression and talking to the operator and playing clips of Richard Simmons yelling for Gary. Howard said the operator is still there. Howard said there are thousands of these messages that they get there.
Howard played a news clip where they reported on a guy who ran back into a burning building to get his beer. The guy admitted that he's an alcoholic so that's why he went back in for it.
Howard said he likes the Julianne Hough story where she had to apologize for being in blackface. Howard said he's more attracted to her in black face for some reason.
Howard played a clip of a weather man having a coughing attack during a weather report. Howard said this is so gross. Howard said it's enough already. He said that was torturing people.
Howard said he has a clip from Real Sports where they talk about video game playing being a sport. Gary said they get the same visa to get into the United States that real athletes get. Howard said that some of these guys make money doing this stuff. He played the clip of a report being done on this game ''League of Legends'' and how these professional players are making money. In that clip they explained how foreigners are able to get a visa based on this being a sport. Howard said that's pretty wild. Howard said some of these dudes are making a living at it. One guy said that they can make hundreds of thousands of dollars from it. Howard said it sounds like it's boring. Howard said it's probably something he can play himself. He said it must be nerds that like to watch other nerds play.
JD came in and said they sold out the Staples center just so people could watch. Howard said JD should be into that. JD said he's never heard of League of Legends. Howard said he has the body for it. JD said he doesn't socialize in games. He said he doesn't like to play online.
Howard played more of the audio of this report and said that there is no way he's ever going to accept this as a real sport. Robin said he may not have a choice. Howard said he'd accept bowling over this. Howard said you can drink and smoke while bowling but at least you get up and move. They were talking about how this one guy teaches people how to play by letting them watch online. Howard said he wants to know if they're getting chicks yet. JD said none of the guys in this story had girlfriends.
Howard said James Taylor fucked up the National Anthem. He said he started singing America the Beautiful. Robin asked if he did it on purpose. Howard said he fucked up. Howard played the clip and James started out singing ''Oh Beautiful...'' and then changed it to the National Anthem. Howard said he did a nice recovery. Howard said you don't think about him fucking up. He said his voice is still great.
Howard said he has a clip of Pat Robertson claiming he's healed deaf people. Robin said that they were saying a few weeks ago that he should heal some people. Now he's done it. Howard said it's always where no one lives and no one can find out if it's a lie. Howard said he would become a follower of Pat's if it was true that he could make a person grow a limb.
Howard played the clip where Pat claims that he has had people rebuke the spirit of deafness and they've been healed. Howard said he always sounds like he's taking a dump. Howard did an impression of Robertson and goofed on him for a minute. Howard said that he's the embodiment of a huckster. He said that you have to bow to the guy. Howard said there's no difference between this guy and a homeless person on the street holding a sign. Howard said they see him and they hop up yelling out his name. Howard said he likes it when they keep their heads down. Howard said he almost gave a guy money because he didn't yell out his name. Howard continued to goof on Robertson for a couple of minutes.
Howard said he has to declare that Mexican and Italian sports announcers are way better than here. Howard said in Mexico they have an announcer that's just great. He said this fucker goes nuts when America scores in a soccer game. Howard played the clip and the guy was yelling ''Goooooal!'' and saying that they'll love America forever. Howard said that was over one goal.
Howard played another clip of an Italian announcer freaking out over a goal. He was calling the guy Lex Luthor because he's bald. Howard said oddly enough that's the cure for deafness. Howard said no one gets that excited here in this country.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he doesn't want to hear Jackie on the show again. Howard took a vote and asked if they should have him back in. Robin said she wants to have him back. Robin said he's a good guest. JD said sure, he wanted him to come back. Howard asked Fred. Fred said he thinks he should come back in small doses. Howard said no one cares what Benjy thinks. Howard said they will have Jackie back sometime. the caller said he'll have to change the channel then.
The caller asked when Artie is going to come in. Howard said Artie has a book out and he's got his own radio show going on. Howard said he's very happy for Artie. He said he's a good man. Robin said he's engaged too. Howard said he used to be Artie's wife but now he has an actual wife. Howard said he saw Artie on Jimmy Fallon and he was great.
Howard said Dina Lohan was arrested for DUI or something. Howard had some audio of her attorney blaming the Paparazzi for her drinking.
Howard said he saw a chick on the news who was being bullied and she wore a T-shirt to get it to stop. Howard said he never thought to do that. Howard said he got bullied every day in school. Howard said that's why he's a mess.
Howard said that lawyer was a good lawyer. Howard said Dave Herman should hire that guy. Howard wondered who he's going to hire. Howard imagined what Dave would tell his lawyer. Howard said he thinks that they need to go further than blaming the Paparazzi. He said they might have to blame video games. Howard wondered if Dave could be innocent. Robin said the cops were talking to someone online who said they were going to show up with a stuffed animal and Dave was the only one who got off the plane with a stuffed animal. Robin said that he's also been accused of being a dead beat dad. Robin said one of his wives was on the Opie and Anthony show and accused him of being a dead beat dad. Howard said sometimes women just do that and it's not true. He said he's not going to defend him on that.
Howard said Dr. Drew was on HLN and he accidentally said ''shit.'' Howard played the clip of that. Drew said shit but then said ''stuff'' and said he almost slipped. Robin asked when we're going to be able to talk like adults. They had to take a break a short time later.
Howard played another clip where George was asked if he would go straight for Robin Quivers. George said that he used to date women. He talked about how he loves chocolate too.
Howard asked who the woman was in the background saying ''Once you go black...'' JD said that's the woman from The View, Sheri Sheppard. Howard said she's the one who says that the world might be flat.
Howard played more of the interview and George credited Howard as being his second wind because he's been getting so much work since he appeared on the show.
Howard said it was time for news. Fred played Robin into it with a Daniel Mendelson song parody about her Big Brown Boobs. Fred also played the Pokemon guy they played earlier in the show. Howard said this Daniel Mendelson has turned him on to opera and if there is a birthday show in January he would love for him to come out and just sing Opera for him. Fred played Daniel's song about JD and had Howard and Robin laughing at that. Howard said he would love to see that live. He said it would be beautiful.
Howard said he saw the naked chick from the Blurred Lines video, Emily Ratajkowski, is in Esquire magazine as woman of the year. She told them that she wants to be a brand. She said that it's not about the name but about the product. Howard said all she did was take her top off. Howard said she has nice tits but how can she be a brand based on boobs? Howard said it's not fair.
Howard said his butt hurts from doing squats. He said he must have done some real work. He said he still looks like shit though. He said he can see some musculature there.
Robin started her news reading a story about Mia Farrow's brother being in trouble. Robin said that Mia's brother is 67 and he got 25 years in prison with 15 suspended. Robin said that he victimized a couple of young boys. Robin said he took a deal in July. Robin said he has to do 10 years.
Howard said the David Bowie channel launches tomorrow on channel 111. He said that they'll have rare tracks and demo versions of his songs. They'll have other artists who have performed his songs. Howard said he loves that. He said they always do good stuff there. Howard said he loves those Deep Tracks and Classic Rewind. He said he's sending out love.
Robin read that Penn State has a bunch of lawsuits that they're going to be settling because of the Jerry Sandusky incident.
Howard read some email about what he was saying about Lou Reed yesterday. Robin asked if he wrote to his wife. Howard said he doesn't know her so he won't do that. Howard said another guy didn't like his attack on Sarah Palin. Howard read the note he got from this guy and he thought that Howard hates republicans. Howard said he really doesn't. He said he likes a lot of republican candidates.
Howard read an email about the William Shatner ''Silver Nickels and Golden Dimes'' remake. Howard said he has a remake of his Psychadellic Bee song that he thought was really good. Howard played that for Robin. Robin said she likes that. Howard said it's a good song. Howard said his songs were way ahead of their time. Howard played the William Shatner ''Silver Nickels'' cover too. Howard said he can see getting a nice massage to that song. Howard said he is good. He said that's some honor to have him remake his song. Howard said if he had only gotten Lou Reed to do it before he died. Howard said someone he was talking to said they just saw Lou like 2 weeks ago. He doesn't remember who that was though.
Robin read a story about the United Nations putting together a plan to save the planet from asteroids. Howard said that's good because we've had some close calls. Robin said they want to have special missions to destroy some asteroids that come too close. Robin said they are thinking about putting solar sails or crashing rockets into the asteroids to move them off course.
Howard said Vinnie Favale sent a note saying that the Pink Floyd song they were looking for yesterday was a song called ''Pigs (Three Different Ones).'' Howard said he thought he was right. Howard said Fred wasn't able to find it yesterday. He found it today. Howard said this is a cool song. He let that play for a short time to get Robin turned on to it. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
After the break, around 9:35am, Howard came right back. Robin read a story about Bubba the Love Sponge getting some love from his fans. Robin said he did some research and told his fans about how to find where sex offenders are in their area. Robin said that Bubba had signs printed up and tracked down the court records to find out what was real. Robin said he went to the offender's home and planted a sign in the offender's yard. Robin said Bubba told people that their kids need to stay away from these people's homes at all times, not just Halloween.
Howard said they're still looking for the hottest mother/daughter contest. He said they still only have one entry. Gary said he thinks they're at 3 now. Howard said that's more like it. Gary said even at 3 if you're decent looking you still have a chance of winning.
Robin read about one of the people who got upset about Bubba planting the sign in his yard. Robin said the guy said he was a sex offender and not a sexual predator. Howard said that's good for Bubba. He said he likes to hear that. He said he's doing a good job.
Robin read that Craig Ferguson is getting a new job. He's going to be the host of a new game show. Howard said he's so lucky. Robin said it's a celebrity name game and it was developed by David Arquette and Courteney Cox. Howard said he would love a show like that. Howard said he's not sure why they wouldn't tap him for that. Robin said they wanted Craig for some reason. Howard said he has more talent in his pinkie. Robin explained the game show but neither of them understood it. Howard said it has to be simple.
Robin said she was reading a list of the creepiest celebrities. Howard said he was really upset about that. He's on the list. Howard said he thinks they used him because they needed a big name on that list. Robin said it was the E! people who did that. Howard said he built that network. Robin said it's actually by E-Score, not E!. Howard said he thinks that whole thing is bullshit. Robin said Marilyn Manson was number 1.
Howard said Marilyn Manson was on Talking Dead after The Walking Dead. Howard said Marilyn is off his rocker. He said he's a fan of the show but they go to him for an answer and he's way out there. Howard said he has some audio. Howard said he doesn't think Robin could even make it through his answers. Howard played one clip where Marilyn was droning on about what the show is about. Howard said they had one of the head writers from the show and they're all trying to stop him but he just keeps going. Howard said he brought the whole thing to a halt. He said it was crazy. Howard played another clip where Marilyn started going on and on with an answer again. Howard said Jack Osbourne had a nice quick answer. Then Marilyn just drones on. Howard said the writer from the show was looking at him like ''What the hell is this?'' Howard said it was the most uncomfortable thing ever. He said he guarantees that he'll never be invited back on the show. Howard said the woman was very peppy at the start of the show but she was just about asleep by the time Marilyn was done. Howard said he talked until she couldn't keep awake.
Howard said Jack Osbourne gets it. He said he's up and chipper but not Marilyn. Howard said he has tons of tape of it. He played another clip where Chris Hardwick asked Marilyn to explain something about World War Z. Howard said that was a mistake. Marilyn then droned on about that and didn't make a lot of sense. Howard said this is the greatest thing ever. Robin said he should be on every talk show. Howard said this is how you fuck with someone on a talk show. Howard said you just drone on in a monotone. Howard said he took the most fun topic and beat it into the ground. Howard said he taught everyone a lesson. Howard said he's making people hate the Walking Dead. He said he loves when people fuck with a show like that.
Howard said he has another clip where these two guys, Tim and Eric, fuck with people. They're on Adult Swim. Howard said the host of this show they're on is really hot and cute. Howard said they sit down and they just fuck with her. He said they are fans of his show and they fuck with her throwing out a Baba Booey and she has no idea what that even means. The girl is clueless about it. Howard said you can tell the girl is just annoying them with her upbeat attitude. Howard played the clip and Tim and Eric are explaining a Baba Booey appearance in this video they have and they just go on and on with Baba Booey and FlaFla Flohi references. The girl has no idea what they're doing. Howard said they play music behind them and they are just talking about Baba Booey. Howard said their eyes are rolling back in their heads. Howard said this is the greatest. He said the girl is just saying ''Yeah, yeah... Right...'' Howard said it's like they're taking a shit on her show. Howard said they went on and on and on. The girl speaks so fast you barely understand what she's saying. Howard said this was so fucking great. He said they just don't care and they want to be a pain in the ass. He said it's the greatest.
Howard said they have to figure out a way to ruin every talk show. Robin said one way is to put Marilyn Manson on every show. Howard said he was giggling at the Talking Dead thing. He said he had taped it and he was giggling through the whole thing. He said everyone was in a panic but Marilyn just goes on and on. Howard said Jack grew up with Ozzy and Sharon and he figured this was just another normal day. Howard said you have to watch that show. He defies you to watch the whole show.
Howard played more from Talking Dead. Howard said they must be afraid of Marilyn. He said that might be the best talk show appearance ever. Howard said the host looks like he became a zombie. Howard said if he was the shot he would say ''Marilyn, shut the fuck up.'' Robin said Sam Kinison taught them to deal with anything. Howard said once you wrestle with that bear you can handle anything.
Howard said he was number 4 on the creepiest celebrity list. Howard said Woody Allen was at number 9. Robin said Andy dick was number 5. Howard asked where the justice is. Howard said no one would ever send him that poll but the only one who did was David Spade. Howard said he loves fucking with him. Howard said he though that was pretty funny.
Robin said that Jimmy Kimmel got into some hot water the other night. Robin had some audio of Jimmy talking to some little kids. Howard was going to play the clip but it wasn't there. Howard said Scott is having a bad day. Howard said he didn't turn on the monitors this morning. Howard said he has a checklist for the day and he missed that. Howard said Scott is changing the clips now. Howard asked if he fucked up again. Ronnie said he's putting them up now. Howard said he's not seeing it. He said you know it's bad news when Ronnie is his spokesman. Howard asked what other show wouldn't fire Scott right now. Howard said he can't fire him. He said he's not even sure why not. Howard said that's because he's a fucking asshole and he can't fire the guy.
Scott came in and asked if it's there. Howard said he has 6 files. Howard played the file that was supposed to be the one Robin asked for but it was wrong. Scott said he has no idea what's going on. He said he put them in. Howard asked if he put them in. Scott said he didn't put them in originally. Howard asked how he forgets that. Scott said he forgot to put them on the page. Howard said whenever he can get it together he can get it in there. Scott said he'll go see what's going on. Howard said at this point in the show he'd rather kill someone than be there. Scott told Howard he had something in pause and he can't refresh the page when he has that. Howard played him out with a song parody about him.
Howard played the Kimmel clip and some kid said that the way to get back at China is to kill everyone over there. Robin said ABC apologized for that. She said that Jimmy didn't do it himself but ABC has apologized. Robin said that they got a complaint about the segment so they had to apologize.
Robin read about 50 Cent fighting with his baby mama. Robin said he pleaded not guilty to misdemeanor vandalism to his ex's home. Robin said he was sentenced to 3 years probation. Robin said that the jails are so full that they won't send someone to jail for what he did. Robin said that's why Conrad Murray is out now too.
Robin read a story about some controversial comments that some religious dude made about gays raising children. Robin had a clip of the guy talking about how gays are not prepared to raise kids like heterosexuals are. Robin said that's because all heterosexuals are doing such a great job. Howard said he would have preferred two wolves over his parents.
Robin read a story about Chris Brown getting out of prison when his charges were dropped to a misdemeanor. Robin had Howard play some of his music. Howard said they can never lock him away because we'll miss out on that great music. Robin had some audio of Brown's attorney talking about Chris didn't commit any crime. Howard said there are some people who just do nothing wrong but they're always in trouble.
Robin read about how Hillary Clinton may run for President in 2016. Robin had some audio of a senator talking about why that would be a good idea. Robin had some audio of John McCain talking about that too.
Howard quickly read an email about last week's discussion about The Thing with Two Heads.
Robin read a story about how they're extending the sign up time for Obamacare for 6 more weeks. Howard said they're thrilled about that on FOX News. Howard said that they are looking forward to the destruction of the United States. Howard said he can't get enough of that channel. Howard said he gets all of his news from FOX. Robin said she tries to watch it but as soon as they start talking she's done.
Robin read about how they're working on the rockets that will get people to an asteroid and to Mars. Robin said that they actually are working on something down there at NASA. Howard said he'd go to Mars over Roosevelt. He said just his luck he'd go there and they'd ship everyone from Roosevelt up there.
Robin read about how Fleetwood Mac's John McVie was diagnosed with Cancer. Robin said they're going to take a break. Howard said he's sorry to hear that. He ended the show after that. They were done around 10:15am.
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Gary said Jon has been there for 7 years or so. He said he missed the first 23. Gary asked if he thinks he's earned that reputation. Jon said he doesn't think he screws up every single time. He said he thinks he might have screwed up more in the past than he does now. Gary said he thinks he's right about that. Gary said Scott is an audio engineer and he doesn't know how to fix an amp or anything. He said if something broke then he'd have to leave it for the next morning.
Jon asked if Scott was responsible for turning on the monitors. Gary said he is. He said Scott gave him a good line this morning but he won't get into that.
Gary said when they have no guests on the show you don't want to be in Howard's sight. Jon said Gary almost got into it with his coughing this morning. Gary said he knew it was coming today. He said he can't help the coughing thing. He said if Howard didn't have 4 hours to fill it probably wouldn't be a topic. Jon said once Gary is out of there he's fine. He said he doesn't do it out in the office. Gary said it's a psychological thing. He said he's not afraid to be near Howard. He said he thinks about Howard making fun of him and then it builds.
Jon asked if Scott has a plan to make sure none of this stuff happens again. Gary said he hopes he has something going so he can remember to do things like put Robin's news in around 9. He said that Scott tried to pawn off the monitor thing on someone else today. He said that's what he was going to say earlier.
Jon said that Ronnie came in and told Howard what Scott was doing with the news today. Gary said he's confused by that whole thing. He said he did hear Scott say that he didn't put the clips up.
Gary said everyone there is guilty of lighting a fuse and seeing what happens. Jon said you'd think Robin would know how he was going to react to that. Jon said the thing that bothered him was that it was coming from the little birds and no names were mentioned.
Benjy said that he loves Elisa and he thinks that it's really evil of Robin to put someone down like she does. He said that she's someone who likes to hurt people instead of being an uplifting person.
Gary asked Benjy if he feels that Elisa gets along with everyone there. Benjy said the show has a low life element and he doesn't get into that.
Jon asked if Benjy thinks that Robin is looking to stick it to him. Benjy said he thinks that she likes to hurt people and he's not the main target. He said she can be very nice too though. Benjy said some people are overwhelmingly into hurting people. He said Richard Christy isn't into that though. Gary said he thinks that Jason is the kind of guy who grew up listening to the show and likes to light the fuse. Benjy said it's hard to figure out where that line is at times. He said trying to hurt someone's reputation isn't right either.
Jon asked Benjy about his pretzels and his weight being discussed. Benjy said he hates being fat. Jon wondered if he doesn't care about being fat now that he got the girl. Benjy said he's had his weight under control at times.
Gary said he hates being fat and he told his doctor that. He said the doctor told him that it'll come to him when he does lose weight. Gary said he lost 35 pounds and he still doesn't know. Benjy said he uses food as a drug. He said he just takes in too much food. Benjy said when he's depressed or tired or not feeling well he eats. He said he even eats when he's happy. Gary said he used to keep candy in his desk and he would eat a lot when Howard would yell at him. He said Stuttering John was the one who pointed out that he would start eating when Howard was yelling at him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it was really mean the way Robin did that whole thing. He said that she seems like a mean person who thinks she's better than everyone else. Gary said he doesn't think he agrees with that at all. He said sometimes you just get caught up in the studio. Gary said you get caught up in the fun of goofing on people. He said that he used to goof on JD and then apologize to him. Jon said he thinks that Robin is a very sweet person and she might be doing her character on the air when she does that stuff.
Benjy said he appreciates what Howard said about Elisa today. He said he acknowledged that she's written some stuff and contributed too. They went to break a short time later.
Gary asked Benjy if he had some kind of awakening. He said it's like he's trying not to be the person he once was. Benjy said he never really tried to hurt anyone in his life. Gary asked what the one thing is that he regrets the most about being associated with the show. Benjy said there are things but he's not going to say. He said he knows he's acted obnoxious and put people down. He said he's done stunts that he didn't mean to do. He said he feels guilty about them.
Jon said he's going to move on to Sal. He said Sal was trying to explain historical events and you get to hear him thinking aloud. He said that most of the events took place in Pennsylvania. Gary said Jon is their resident Sal-ologist. He said that he understands how Sal's brain works.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Sal is out of material and this history stuff is all just plain shtick. He said Johnny Fratto is doing the same thing. He said it's all just shtick. He said he doesn't believe Sal anymore.
Jon said he sat in the room with Sal and that was not Sal trying to be funny. He said he was trying to comment on those historical figures. Jon said that he really believed what he was saying. Jon said Sal was giving legitimate answers. He said he thinks that the Down Syndrome girl could be a good bit. He said he's really not sure who would win.
Gary said that Sal didn't think of this thing yesterday. He said he's been that way from the day he got there. Jon said that it's 100 percent on the level. He said Sal has said as much and he really didn't know what the Manhattan project was either.
Gary said Sal is the guy who didn't study for anything. He said that you just take your best educated guess and throw it all out there. Benjy said he thinks it shows his analytical ability. Gary said that's ridiculous. He said that a 5 year old could give that answer.
Jon said he gets where Benjy is going. Benjy said he doesn't think failing history is a sign of intelligence. Jon said he's not saying Sal is stupid. He said that he doesn't shine when it comes to American History. Benjy was asking Jon questions and dragging them into the vortex. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked Ronnie about Sal and what he thinks about the guy who said that he's making this stuff up. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said he has to know there were no busses during the Civil War. Benjy said he thinks that he doesn't like being labeled as stupid over it. Ronnie said he thinks that Sal just gets carried away and the shit just falls out of his mouth.
Jon said Sal rarely ever says ''I don't know.'' He said that he gave him the chance to say that during the bit. He said he did say it to a few things and then answered others.
Benjy said he thinks that Sal didn't know most of the things and he just answered them as the bit. He said he thinks that Sal just went with it to answer it for the bit. Gary said that's what not knowing means. He said he should have just said he didn't know. Benjy said Sal could have just said he didn't know but he wanted to do it for the good for the show. Gary and Benjy went back and forth arguing about that for a minute. Jon said he doesn't think he was just playing along for the sake of playing along.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Sal is a gem on the show. He also said that Avril Lavigne was on the show recently and he didn't think she was very well spoken. He said that Gary seems kind of elitist on the show and he busts Sal's balls all the time. Gary said Sal busted his balls for years and he's taking this chance to bust his balls back.
Jon said a caller brought up that her 12 year old Down syndrome daughter could do better than Sal at some stuff. Gary said Sal didn't seem to know anything. Gary said that if she knew just one thing she might beat him. Benjy said he thinks the daughter could win. Ronnie said he thinks so too. Ronnie said he thinks that Benjy getting under Gary's skin is the best thing on this show. Gary said he feels like Benjy tries to derail things on the show and bring them where they don't want to go. He said he's not sure he's even doing it on purpose. Benjy said he was just giving his opinion on what Jon was talking about. Benjy and Gary went at it again for a minute but Jon said they should wrap this up. Gary said he's lost on what Benjy's point is. He said he's not sure what the point is that he's trying to make.
Sal came in and said he just tried to put together what he thought he knew. Gary said he still has no idea what that has to do with the original conversation. He said Benjy originally said. Sal and Ronnie were cracking up at this.
They got sucked back into the Benjy vortex. Jon said he had two more calls he wanted to take. Jon asked Sal if he thinks Gary is being elitist by making fun of him the way he does. Sal said he doesn't think he is.
Jon had Robin on the phone and she was calling to apologize to Benjy. Robin said that whole thing just popped into her head and she was calling to apologize. She said that it wasn't going anywhere and it just popped into her head. Ronnie said she never apologized to him for what she's said to him. Robin laughed and asked what she did to him. Ronnie asked if he should get out his book. Robin told him to get it out.
Robin said she didn't have anywhere to go with the Benjy thing and she's sorry she even brought it up. She said she looked for him after the show and didn't see him around.
Benjy said he appreciates that she apologized. He thanked her for doing that. Jon and the guys said goodbye to her and let her go.
Ralph called in and said that they were in the Benjy Vortex before. He said he was explaining things that you just don't care about. Jon said he thinks that even Benjy was lost at one point.
Ralph said that Gary is crazy thinking he set an alarm. He said he's been on this thing where he gets up at 6 in the morning and then goes back to sleep an hour later. He said he just happened to be up when Eric called in this morning. He said it would be so great if Eric did buy TNA. He said you'd lose all of your money but that would be some show. Jon thanked him for clarifying and ended the show. They were done around 11:10am.
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Howard started the show talking about how he had something he wanted to bring up and talk about but now he can't remember what it was. Howard said he didn't write it down. Howard said it's true about writing things down. He said he studied ''Getting Things Done'' and they say that you have to write it down to get it off your mind. Howard said your brain is good at coming up with ideas but you have to write them down to find them again. He said you need a system. Robin said that's why great song writers keep a book of ideas. Robin said they leaf through the book and come up with some inspiration.
Howard said he writes everything down. He said he walks around with pads of paper. He said he has a great system in his computer. He said he should do a blog about his system. He said he thinks people would like that. Robin said she'd be interested. Howard said it's very organized. He said he has like 5 things in his inbox in email. He said he clears it all out and puts it all in folders. He said he's awesome.
Howard said he loves watching how people work at their desks. He said he watches videos of that all the time. Howard said this guy David Allen from Getting Things Done shows how he works at his desk. He said he tells you how he delegates his stuff. Howard said he could watch that all fucking day. Howard said he has the best inbox out of everyone there. He said especially Fred and Benjy. He said he can imagine that Benjy's inbox is a complete mess. Benjy said his goes back to the 70's.
Howard said it takes a lot of study to get to the place you want to be. Howard said being organized is a study. He said his dad is an organized guy but he's not a Ninja. Howard said his father will do things that take under two minutes to do. He said he'll run right up to write a check. He said that's getting things done. Robin said she does that too. Howard asked what she has to do right now. Robin said she has to write some checks. Howard said you just do it and get it done in 5 minutes. Howard said being organized is very important.
Howard said he's had it with people who are not organized. Howard said he's working with someone right now and he's one of the tops in the field. He said he's not organized. He said he asks him if he ever writes anything down and he doesn't. Howard said he never remembers anything. Howard said he doesn't write a thing down. Howard said he would never hire anyone like that. Howard said he should write it down.
Robin said that she had a waiter take an order and he didn't write anything down. She said he recited it back to her and he had it all right. Howard said that's a different thing. Howard said it's a useless thing though. He said we invented a paper and pencil. He said you can write that down.
Robin said she had a teacher who said ''don't learn anything you can write down.'' Howard said he doesn't even know what that means. Robin said if you don't need to fill your head with things then you just write it down or read it. Howard said there are things that you should learn. He said that's how Sal got to where he is today. Howard said Sal had that teacher. He said that guy told Sal not to remember a thing.
Howard said writing things down is very important. He said you have to be organized. He said if you forget something then he's wondering why he's paying you. He said if his boss asks him to do something he writes it down. Howard said they're a bunch of dicks. Howard asked Robin what else she wants to know.
The caller asked what other shows he should watch. He said he's started watching some shows that they've mentioned on the show. Robin said Spartacus is great. Howard said he wishes that was back on. Howard said that's very good. Howard said there's also Justified. He said that's fantastic. Howard asked if he's seen Dexter and Breaking Bad. The guy said he has. Howard said there's also The Munsters. Howard said that's required watching for anyone who listens to this show.
Robin asked if he's watched The Shield. Howard said he tried and he didn't like it. Howard told the guy not to waste his time. Robin said it's a great show. Howard asked if he's watching Game of Thrones. The caller said he's confused by that show. Howard said The Shield is too imbecilic. He said it's just not good. Howard said he knows the show and it's terrible. Robin said it's great.
Howard said Robin is off sometimes. Howard said he watches Game of Thrones even though he's confused by it. Robin said there's also Strike Back. Howard said that's a good one. He said this new season sucks but the last season was good. He said that they have tons of hot chicks on the show. He said that every female in Special Ops is hot and they all love to fuck. He said they fuck like crazy people too. He said this season is awful but the first couple were good. He said the show is being canceled but they have one more coming.
Jon Hein told Howard about Orphan Black. Howard said he has to download Orphan Black then. He said Robin told him about Banshee and that's the best. Howard said he has to get that one. The caller said he'll check out some of this stuff and call back in a couple of weeks.
Howard said he likes Blacklist on NBC. He said he doesn't like a lot of network TV shows. Howard said Gary has weird TV likes. He said that he probably likes Newsroom and Veep. Gary said they're good shows. Howard said he watched 3/4 of the first season of Veep and he couldn't stand it. Howard said that is a waste of your life. Jon said he likes that too. Howard said he's sick of the sarcasm. He said he just can't take it.
Jon said they were wondering if they should recommend Orphan Black to him. Howard asked what Orange is the New Black is. The guys told him he may not like that.
Jon mentioned House of Cards too. Howard said that was great. The caller said it was and he had seen it. Howard said he doesn't know how Don Cheedle remembers all of that stuff he has to say in that show.
Howard said that's enough shows for the guy to watch. Howard said it's great when you have your iPad loaded up. Robin said he didn't mention Fringe. Howard said he thinks that the last season wasn't that great. Robin said she loves Revolution too. Howard said he doesn't watch it anymore but he loves JJ Abrams so he won't bad mouth it. Howard said JJ is going to do The Thing with Two Heads remake so he has to be nice.
Robin mentioned Under the Dome. Howard said Under the Dome was another great show. He said that's an awesome show. Jon said he thinks it dropped off a little bit. He said it got hokier as it went along. He said they ran out of story lines. Jon said there are so many great shows on cable now. He said he hardly watches any network TV. Howard said he had to put a second TiVo in to catch all of the stuff that's on Sunday nights. Howard said he forgot to tell the guy about The Walking Dead. He assumed he's already watching it. He said it's like getting a movie every week. Jon agreed. He said Boardwalk Empire is like that too.
Howard said Boardwalk Empire is one that guy should get. Howard said sitcoms aren't funny these days. Robin said the show Mom is okay. She said it has a couple of laughs in it. Jon asked what the last sitcom was that he liked. Howard said he watched Friends. He said he liked How I Met My Mother but he dropped out of that. He said he doesn't think there are any he likes now. Howard said it was Friends and that was it.
Howard said he likes Hanna Montana. He said he thought he was off the air when he said that. Robin said Arrested Development was great. Howard said he didn't care about that. Howard said he liked The Big Bang Theory but he didn't stick with it. Jon said he likes that one. Howard said he just didn't care about it.
Howard said he's writing a Dexter movie. He said he has to see it. He said it's one of the greatest scripts ever. He said he had to take a break after that. Robin asked Howard if he's seen the Robin Williams sitcom. Howard said he didn't see it. He said he heard about it. Gary said it's not that good. Jon said it's dropped in the ratings. Jon said that Michael J Fox's show isn't doing so good either. He said their whole Thursday night isn't doing well.
Howard said the networks are caught in this position where they can't win. He said that CBS has won for years now in the ratings but the reports say that even Les Moonves has lost it because they don't have the young viewers anymore. Howard said that job is a thankless job.
Howard said NBC turned around when he joined. He said he's a lightning rod. He said they see it as a cool network now. Howard said people keep asking if he's going back to America's Got Talent but he's not sure yet. Howard said he does like those folks. He said he had a nice experience with them. He said if they were shitheads he'd be gone. Howard said that's what he likes about that.
Howard mentioned that not so many people are getting Lasik eye surgery anymore. He said you'd think that here in the states there are like 300 million people that could get it. Robin said there are 313 million people here. Howard said he thought he was close with that number.
Howard said if you can get 10 million viewers that's pretty good. Howard said he's wondering what everyone else is doing instead of watching TV. Howard said it's crazy if you think about it. Jon said 16 million watch The Walking Dead. Howard wondered what everyone else is doing. He said no one works anymore. Robin said that's in New York. Howard said he goes in the park in the middle of the day and no one is working. He said he wonders what they're all doing there. He said he started working at 4 in the morning and they're not at work. He said he gets so angry. Howard said he sees half naked chicks laying out in the sun and that's almost suicidal. Howard said it looks dangerous. He said you have to be careful. Robin said they must think it's safety in numbers.
Janks said that it might be lame but he thought it was good. Howard said he knows he's tortured over it. He said he's tweeting it out and telling everyone he can. Janks said he's fascinated with the whole Dave Herman thing.
Howard asked what kind of phone he's calling in on. Janks said it's a Metro PCS LG Motion phone. Howard said the only person who owns this phone is Captain Janks. Janks kept getting cut off. Howard asked if it's a flip phone. Janks said it's a smartphone. Howard said that's no smart phone. Janks said it's all he can afford. He said it's a prepaid phone. Robin said it's a burner phone. Howard said that's what it is. He said that's so the cops can't trace it. Howard said it's like listening to Breaking Bad. Howard said that's what their phones must have sounded like. Howard did an impression of what that sounds like. Howard said this is for the price conscious consumer who doesn't care at all.
Howard did his impression of Janks telling them the Sandusky/Paterno joke. Howard said Janks thought that it was the greatest thing ever. Howard asked him a question but he was gone because his phone must have cut out. Howard said he's been calling in for 3 days with that joke.
Howard said he's been reading that joke for 4 hours for the past couple of days. Howard said he kept putting it off. He said Janks Tweeted it out and he figured he got it out of his system. He said he called in again this morning and tried again. Howard said he gets on and gets to say it and then you can't hear it because of that awful phone. Howard did another impression of Janks telling him the joke where he's so muffled you can barely understand him.
Howard had Janks back on the line and said that he had such a timely joke there. He said he's not sure who knows who Tom Chiusano is anymore. Howard said it's Janks, Bobo and Mariann from Brooklyn. Howard said most of the people don't even remember who the guy is. Fred told Janks why his joke was wrong. He said that there were no kids at K-Rock and Tom never saw anything going on there.
Janks said he'd like to apologize for his assholerie and he'll come up with something better next time. Howard said he didn't even think it was a lame joke. He said Janks thought it was a great joke. He said he put 3 days of his life into getting that on the air. Howard said they all can't work out. Howard told him he has to get rid of that LG Motion phone. Janks said he can't afford an iPhone. Howard thanked him for calling in and let him go. Howard said he worked so hard on that joke and then it doesn't work. He said that if he doesn't pick up on you in two days then there must be a reason for it. Howard said Janks must have thought it was great because he tweeted it twice. He said he probably didn't get any response so he tried it again.
Howard said imagine not knowing that didn't work. He said that he tried 3 whole days to get it on the air. Howard said he must have been wondering why he wasn't picking up on him. He said he just didn't think it was a good joke. Howard said he has to take a break now. He said he didn't want to fall too far behind. They went to break after that.
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Howard said Jon Hein is going to be very picky about what he eats. Robin said Chris does have meat out there. Howard said that Jon won't even try it. He said it doesn't make sense for him to be so close minded. Robin said it won't kill him to just try it. Howard said Jon is like a baby when it comes to this stuff.
Jon came in and asked what he's making. Robin said he's making Butternut Squash soup. Jon said he isn't trying that. Robin said she bets that he'll love it. Howard said he should just try it. Howard said he knows that there's no honey in this one but it's probably good. Howard said he wanted to try it. Gary said nothing has been cooked yet. Howard said he'll try it later on.
Jon asked if he can try one of the black and white cookies from Crumbs. Howard said they put out a spread every week out there. Gary said it's heaven. Howard said he knows. Howard asked Robin if she eats chocolate. Robin said she does. She said that she had some chocolate mousse that his chef made. Howard said he doesn't have a chef. Howard said that's his buddy. Robin said she ate it.
Howard asked Robin if she'll eat potatoes. Robin said she'll eat a purple potato. Howard said she's such a queen. Robin said the purple ones have more nutrients. Howard asked if she drinks orange juice. Robin said no. She said it's all sugar. Howard asked if she will eat an orange. Robin said she will. She doesn't eat sushi. She eats eggplant. She will eat apples but not trail mix. Robin said she doesn't eat granola or raisin bran. She does eat almonds. Howard asked if she would eat almonds parmesan. Robin said no. Howard asked if she eats smoked almonds. Robin said she prefers them raw or roasted. Howard asked if she eats maple syrup. Robin said she might if she needs a sweetener. She said that's a natural sweetener. Howard asked if she uses soy sauce. Robin said she can if it's low sodium. Howard said now everyone knows. Howard said he calls her a traitor for using soy sauce. Howard said he loves talking to Robin. He said you should get Robin's book.
Howard said he's a man and he doesn't talk to men. Howard said he likes Fred and that's why he doesn't talk to him. Bobo asked if he talks to him when he's at his house. Howard said he'll say hello and then go talk to someone else.
Robin said she ruined a chance for him to do that with Fred last year at the Christmas party. Howard said she saved him from having that conversation. Howard said he and Fred had a conversation in 1982 and he felt full after that. It was enough for him.
Howard said he started to have a conversation with Fred last year but people were interrupting. He said that it was good but Gange actually pulled him away from him. Howard said he just came over to say hello and he cut them off.
Howard said back in 1982 Fred would only eat hot dogs. Howard said they sat in his place in Bethesda, Maryland. Howard said he brought Fred home to stay at his place during a blizzard. Howard said he asked Fred what he wanted to eat and he said he didn't eat fish. He said he only ate hot dogs. He said he boiled them in water and he may not have even eaten it with a bun. Howard said they had a real conversation and it was very heavy. Howard said that was all he could take. He said they just never went back there. Howard said he felt he knew him after that.
Howard said that he and Fred had a good conversation that day. Then he had another conversation where he had to ask Fred to leave. He said it was spring by the time he left. Fred said it was a nice place. He said it had great views. Howard said every deed goes punished according to him.
Howard thanked Bobo for that question. He said it was a good one. Howard said he's not kidding around about that either. He said he's close to Fred and he's a funny guy. He said he gets to see him there for 4 hours a day. He said it's more than most people have. Howard said they don't get on each other's nerves so that's a good thing.
Howard said he and Fred go out to dinner but he never goes alone with him. He said that they have other people there. Fred said he doesn't want to irritate Howard said he gets it. Robin asked if he ever calls for advice. Howard said he doesn't and he's doing just fine. Howard said he's smart. Fred said Howard saved at least one person in the room. Howard said he saved Benjy too. He said he'd be working in a rest stop if he didn't have him there. Robin said Howard has given her good advice.
Howard said Ellen Degeneres had someone on the show who she had to work so hard with. Howard said that it was really tough. Howard said these talk show hosts have to fain interest. Robin said people thought Farrah Fawcett had a meltdown on Letterman and it turns out it was just people seeing past her looks and seeing what she was always really like.
Howard said he sees that Robin brought Captain Dennis with her today. Robin said she didn't bring him. He came along with Chris to make sure everything was working out. Howard asked if he's still a captain. Robin said she didn't demote him so he's still captain.
Howard said he wants to see who knows her better and have a quiz between the two of them. Howard said Dennis might know her pretty well. Robin said they don't spend that much time together. Howard wondered if he's ever seen her naked. Robin said he has not. Gary said he's seen Robin naked. He said she was balls out naked. Gary said Robin has 3 parts to cover and she only has 2 hands. He said she kept moving her hands on top. He said he felt so weird about it.
Howard said Robin has tits for days. He said that girls don't want you seeing their ass. Robin said she gave Gary her ass. Howard asked how it was. Gary said it wasn't sexual at all. He said he felt horrible about it. He said she screamed when he walked in. Gary said the whole thing lasted a second and a half. Gary said they were at the channel 9 show and Robin didn't lock the door. Howard said maybe she wanted it. He said if she really wanted to be alone she would have locked the door. Howard said he always locks the door. He said he locks it in the house just in case Beth walks in. Howard said he doesn't want her to see him naked unless he's prepared. Gary said Robin was completely naked.
Howard asked where Captain Dennis is. Gary said he's not sure. He said they have a bunch of tables set up in the hall. He said he thinks it's going to be a banquet out there. Howard said he doesn't want to eat anything other than what he eats already. He said he has egg whites, salmon and things like that. Gary said he's lost 10 pounds in the past couple of weeks. Gary said Howard isn't just thin, he's emaciated. Howard said he's not. Howard said Ralph told him he was fat. He said he made him see the light. He said Ralph pointed out to him that he wasn't fitting into his clothes so he lost some weight. Howard said his hips were getting wide. He said he is thin and he has to embrace that. Howard said when he put on weight he wasn't able to put his clothes on. Now he fits in them and he feels good. He said he's lifting more at the gym now and he's at the right weight. He said he has to maintain that and watch what he eats.
Howard said he eats what he wants for dinner. Gary asked what he'll eat. Howard said he'll eat anything. He said he would even eat a piece of cake but he'll only eat half of it. Howard said he enjoys it but won't eat the whole thing. He said it's all about portion control. He said he has to stay at this weight. He said he was fat.
Gary asked if he would do this if he wasn't on TV anymore. Howard said he likes the clothes he's wearing from John Varvatos. Howard said he wants to keep that look. He said his fat doesn't hang over his bathing suit anymore. Howard said he doesn't want to walk around with his clothes not fitting. He said Gary does that thing where he pulls his shirt from his belly. He said he never wants to do that.
Howard played the clip and it was Sal asking Robin questions and using clips of Robin responding with answers that were from other conversations. Howard said he doesn't like it. He said he would have axed it if he had heard it during the break. Howard said it could have been executed in a different way. Howard said it could have been great. He said he knows what went wrong. Howard said they had Sal asking Robin if she would eat cock and Robin said it was all sugar so she won't eat it. Howard said that doesn't work.
Scott the Engineer had put the game together and he said that it would have worked if he had used different answers. Scott said he ran it by some other people and it would have worked if they played the audio game differently. Howard asked if Fred heard it. Scott said Sal and Richard did. So did Jon Hein. Howard said it was lazy execution. He told him to get back to work.
Howard said he guarantees Jon Hein didn't like that bit. Howard said they didn't run it by Fred either. Fred said he would have picked up on that sugar question for sure.
Howard said Scott was the engineer when JFK was president. He played a bit where JFK was giving a speech and the audio kept cutting out. Howard said they later on transcribed the bit. Howard went to break after that.
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The caller told Howard how great the Jeff Probst thing was and then gave Benjy an ''F-Benjy'' as he was hanging up.
Howard said he has to talk to Captain Dennis about Robin. He had Dennis come in. Howard said he hasn't seen him in a while. Howard said he didn't know how long he'd last on the job. Howard asked what kind of cat food they use. Robin said Dennis doesn't know. Howard asked Dennis if he knows. Dennis said he doesn't know. Robin said it's Wellness.
Howard asked Dennis what he does for Robin. Dennis said he's very busy working things out for Robin. Howard asked if Robin hands him notes. Robin said she'll email him or text him. Dennis said she has things going on with her properties and boats. Dennis said that he plays the captain role. He said he'll take care of problems to save the ship... or go down with it.
Howard said he just does whatever comes up. Dennis said he just makes sure things are right. Howard asked if he'll ever be made Admiral. Robin said there are no promotions.
Howard asked if Dennis has ever seen her naked. Dennis said he has not. He said she's never seen him naked either. Howard asked if he's ever had to carry Robin. Dennis said he has. Howard asked why he had to do that. Robin said she fell. Dennis said he was horrified. Robin said he just helped her up.
Howard played a bit the guys put together about Robin and Dennis which was a parody of Captain Phillips. Gary asked if it's his job to take the cats to the vet. Robin said she has someone else for that. Dennis is in charge of the people who do that.
Gary asked if Robin does her own TiVo. Robin said she does. She said that Dennis has to make sure the TiVo works though. Robin said she got a new one this weekend and he had to make sure it was working correctly. Dennis said he gets to yell at the person who set it up. Howard said he loves the whole system.
Howard asked Dennis if he hates rice too. Dennis said he tried to cut out rice so he can drink beer. Howard asked if he puts honey in Butternut Squash soup. Dennis said there's no reason to do that. Robin said they share recipes and he's actually a very good cook.
Howard said he's not exactly sure what he's doing but he likes whatever it is. Gary said that they went to Robin's beach house a few years ago and it was very nicely done. He said they had every drink imaginable at the house. Howard said he's bought Robin birthday gifts and Dennis has helped and he's very good. Gary said they had a guy there who was an instructor for the jet ski and things like that. He said his son really liked that guy.
Howard asked if Dennis knew what Robin was going through with the cancer. Dennis said all he knew was that she was having surgery. He said he didn't know he was on the emergency call list.
Howard said Dennis is doing a great job running things over there. He said he hasn't heard a complaint yet. Robin said she complains right to him if she has a complaint. Howard asked if they fight. Robin said they do fight. She said that he'll argue with her and he doesn't like being yelled at. She said that they had a text war. She said she was upset that she needed some things and she was on a deadline. She said that Dennis had taken charge of it and the information wasn't coming. She said she waited as long as she could and she was running out of time. Robin said the guys weren't coming through with the information and the estimates weren't coming through. Dennis said he was following through but not getting any response from the other end. Robin said she wanted to vent and he wanted to explain. She said that didn't work.
Gary said he learned to just be quiet when they're yelling at you. Howard said Dennis has stood the test of time. He told him to get out there and prepare some food. Howard said he's the man with the busiest day. Howard said that's some captain. Robin said she came back from Howard's house and told him how great things are there. She said she wanted to see more of that at her house in Long Beach Island.
Howard said that's the man who pulls the whole empire together. Howard said he's not sure he's a real captain but he almost saluted him. Robin said that when you run a ship you're called captain. She said he was in the Coast Guard. Howard said he hates boats so he'll never see him handle one. Robin said he pulled the boat into a space that no one else could have gotten it into. Robin said they went out to a restaurant dockside and everyone there applauded him when he got the boat in that space.
Robin said they were out in Napa this weekend and her nephew came with them. Robin said Dennis wanted to pull a prank on her nephew and tell him that they were getting married. Robin said she wondered where that came from. She said he has a girlfriend so she's not too worried though.
Howard played one clip where the guy had a goofy laugh. Wolfie was asking the guys what kind of stuff they collect. One guy said he had an original VHS tape of Friday the 13th that he thinks is worth $1,200. Wolfie asked if he would sell it. The guy said he won't. He said he wants to keep that.
Howard played another clip of Wolfie asking a guy about an actress that he had a run in with. Howard said he hated her character on Star Trek. He said she played a telepath and he hated that character. Howard said this guy had her throw a water bottle at him.
Wolfie asked a guy how many items he had in his collection. He said he had a few hundred. He was 56 and lived with his mom. He said he's an only child so there's no reason to move out. Howard said that's some reason to stay at home. He said he's an only child. Wolfie asked the guy about maybe getting married. The guy said he has been looking but nothing yet. Howard said it's hard to date when you're dating the bride of Chucky. Howard said he's sure it's hard to find a girl who is into that stuff.
Howard played another interview where a guy was complaining about the lines there at the con. The guy said he was looking to see Taryn Manning but the line was too long. Wolfie asked if he lives at home with his mom. The guy said he does. He said that his mom has a bad back. Howard said that's what most of the excuses are.
David told Howard how great he is and then said they're talking about Dave Herman. He said that's about as evil as you can get. David said he wants to talk about how awful that is. He said we have to stop that. David said the whole game is to entertain God. He said God created it all. He said God is love and God created it all. Howard asked if he's turning into a Jesus freak. David said he's not. He said that you can hate on Dave Herman or Jesus but it's all bigger than us. David said the most popular game is Grand Theft Auto V. He said it's violent and in his opinion. He said the game is crazy but he hopes that the game wins. Howard asked what he's saying about Dave Herman. David said that we're all playing the wrong game and we should be playing the right game which is love. Howard said he likes the drunk David Arquette better than the sober one.
David said that Dave Herman got a charge out of wanting a 6 year old girl to lick. He said that he can drink and do drugs but it doesn't matter. He said people are doing much worse shit in this world than he is. Howard asked where his girlfriend is right now. David said she's sleeping. David said she's not there. He said his friend David Gonzales is there with him now. Howard asked if they're naked right now. David said they are not. Howard said he's just trying to figure out what's going on there.
Howard asked to speak to that Gonzales guy. David told him to hold on. He said he wants to be brutally honest with Howard. He said he's been going on this whole mind thing that this is all a game. He said Grand Theft Auto is the biggest game now and it's the biggest clue that we're all playing the wrong game. He said we have to play a fun game. Howard said he's thinking that Grand Theft Auto is the wrong game. David said yes. He said that it doesn't matter though. He said he knows people will say he's being crazy. Howard said maybe we should play Ms. Pac Man. David said he loves that game.
David said that people are referring to God as being a man. He said we have to get past that. He said that he grew up around all kinds of religion and we're all connected. He said he looks out his eyes and sees his world. He said you look out yours and you see your world. David said we all have the capacity to go out and kill someone.
Howard said Hanzi is on the phone to talk to David. Howard put him on and Hanzi said he didn't call in to talk to him. Howard said David is making sense today so maybe he should talk to him. David asked Hanzi what he thinks of this idea. He said that they can create a game that's not about violence. He said they do kind acts in the game and that's how you win. David said maybe that would make people treat people better in the real world. Howard said he thinks he's right. Hanzi said that he was the nice guy but people treated him like shit. David said that's the big problem. He said they can all go out and do destructive shit but they should be playing the right game. David said that he's going to say something very controversial. He said that he knows he's wasted so he'll get sober tomorrow. He said Hitler played the game very well. He said he convinced a lot of people to play this evil game. He said he was playing the wrong game though.
Robin asked why they didn't hire Howard for the new game show. David said Craig Ferguson is the greatest. Howard asked about him. David said that Howard is the greatest too.
Howard asked Hanzi what he thinks about this. Hanzi said David left Twitter and stopped following him. David said he's sorry about that. Howard said David asked a question and Hanzi said that he tried the nice game and he got shit all over. Howard said they shit on him. Howard said sometimes you can't play the right game.
David said that Hitler played the game and he played the wrong one. He said that we have to get people to play the right game. He said that they need to create a game that's about love and kind acts. Howard said David should be out fucking around and having fun while he's high. Howard said he's not playing the drinking game the right way. David said none of it matters.
Howard asked Hanzi if David is getting through to him. Hanzi said he thinks that David should be listening to him. He said he's in better condition than he is.
David said that they have to create this game for people to play. He said they have to be nice to the cops in the game and things like that. Hanzi tried asking a question but David cut him off saying Hanzi's ''NoNoNo.''
Howard said he wants to drink right now. He said he's not having any fun. Hanzi asked if Captain Dennis is fucking Robin. Howard said Hanzi isn't getting the point that David is trying to make. Howard said David is trying to tell people to be positive.
Howard asked Hanzi what his game is. Hanzi said he was thinking of jerking off. David told Howard about his mother being on her death bed and she went through this cycle of being a marriage counselor. He said that he gave her a diploma for life. He said she smacked them around and they got past that cycle. He said they don't do that to their kids. Howard said his sister is great on Boardwalk Empire. David said she's the best.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that David's game sounds awful. He said he plays Grand Theft Auto and it's great but he doesn't want to play his game.
David said he spoke to one of the richest guys in the world and asked if most rich people are assholes. He said yes. David was telling a bunch of stories like that. Howard said he's shocked that Courteney Cox didn't want to live with this. He said he was kidding when it seemed like David was getting upset.
David got back to the Dave Herman stuff and then asked if he waned to hear his thoughts on the N-word. David said he thinks that we're worrying about the wrong word. He said that we should be worried about the word Gangster. He said they have to take that word back. Howard asked about the C-word. David said that has no relevance in this discussion.
Howard said Jeff the drunk wants to talk to David. Jeff said he wanted to know how he thinks he's playing the game. David said as long as he's not trying to hurt anyone then he's doing good. Howard said it's all about peace and love. He said it's all about good things in the world.
Ralph said Jeff sounds drunk but David just sounds like he's rambling. David said he hasn't had a drink since 2 o'clock. Jeff said he hasn't had a drink in 4 days. Howard said he bets Jeff would love to hang with David. Jeff told him to set it up.
David said that this is all about doing fun and creative things. Howard said he thinks that things would be better if guys got more pussy. He said that it keeps your mind off of other things. David said we have to make violence the main thing.
Howard said he loves David's message. He thanked him for that beautiful message. David said he knows he's going to get into trouble over this. Howard said he's just preaching like a drunken Gandhi. David said that they're all the greatest. David said this is all about not being down on people. He said he gets the bullshit himself. Howard asked if he's an asshole to his girlfriend. David said today he was. He said he threw this rap party for this movie he did. He said he ordered a bunch of side orders and he ended up banging on the keys of his computer when she was telling him what to do. Howard said he was tantruming. Howard asked if he killed her. David said that's the game. He said you don't become violent. He said that's the game that those mother fuckers out there have to play.
David said we have to win the game of kindness or will end up destroying the whole world. Howard asked if he would play the role of a serial killer. David said he's about to do a movie about the Happy Faced Killer. He said that it's about a serial killer who was playing the wrong game. David said that fucker is locked up now. Howard said he's not playing the game. He said people will call him a hypocrite. Robin asked what you do about people who are playing the wrong game on you. Howard said Robin has to go make out with him again. Howard said she could have been fucking David and telling him about it. Robin said they don't live in the same place. Howard asked David if he'll fly in and fuck her right now.
Howard said David's message is correct. He asked if he's dressing up for Halloween. David said he's dressing up as bozo the Clown. He said it's a 100 percent authentic costume. He said he wants to do a movie about Bozo. Howard said he should do a life story about Bozo. Howard said he'd team up with him on that or does he have to do it with Craig Ferguson. David told Howard about Bozo and how he taught other people to do the character.
Howard said he has to go. He said he thinks that David's message is a good one. He thanked Ralph for calling in. Ralph said he'd be worried about someone stealing that video game idea. David said we have to stop the world where we have so many people hating. Howard asked where Courteney is. David said she's in New York and he loves her with all his heart. Howard asked if she's seeing anyone. David said he doesn't know. Ralph asked him to ramble on about what she's up to now.
Howard said there are all kinds of games people can play. He said David is right about that game. Howard heard a clink and thought someone was drinking. David said it was a cigarette. Howard said Ralph wishes he was with him right now. Ralph said that he was going to hang with David but he was drinking and then sobered up and he never heard from him again. He said he sounds like fun to hang out with. Howard said he's not partying with chicks though. Ralph said he has a club and he has chicks hanging around. Howard asked David if he gets hand jobs from anyone. David said he gets flowers and throws the petals with cash. He said he's all about love.
David brought up the list of creepy stars and Howard was number 4 on that list. Howard said that he can't believe he was number 4 on that list. Jeff said goodbye so Howard let him go. Howard said it sounds like David hung up too. He was still there. Robin asked if he's going to be angry with them later. David said that they're not dark people. He said there are good people everywhere. He said he wants the love cancer to spread so we all get along. Howard said he's going to end it on that note. Howard said that's a good, positive message. David said he's going to be in such a shit storm today. Howard said he's spreading love so he won't be.
Howard told David to look over at the other guy in the room. He said he's probably wondering if he should call 911. Howard let David go a short time later.
Fred played The Carpenters ''Hurting Each Other'' along with some Hanzi clips. Howard said Mariann from Brooklyn says that she likes David's message. Mariann said being nice can backfire too. Howard hung up on her in the middle of a sentence.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the horror convention people aren't all like that. He said that he's a big horror fan and he's not like that at all. Howard thanked him for that and let him go.
Howard played a clip of a Brony guy talking about how he got into My Little Pony. He was all creepy about the whole thing. There were a few other guys talking about how into the show they got and how excited they were over the characters. Howard said before you know it you're a full blown asshole.
Howard took another call from Mariann who said it's very mean and disrespectful to hang up on her. Howard said he plays the hang up game. He said David has his game and he has his own. He hung up on her again. They had to take a break after that. Fred played them out to The Beatles ''All You Need is Love.''
Howard said they've used up all of their time for Hanzi. He told him that they can give him 30 seconds. Hanzi said he keeps making fun of the Brony guys but none of them can afford an opportunity like Howard. Howard asked what he's talking about. He played another song parody about Hanzi after that.
Howard said he really does have to go. Hanzi said he could have given him more time. Hanzi said they never let him say anything. They kept playing clips of him saying ''NoNoNo'' and things like that. Hanzi told them to stop with the fucking sounds. He said he just wants to ask one fucking question. Howard asked what it was. Hanzi said he won't let him talk. He asked if he can do the red carpet shit. Howard asked what red carpet. Hanzi said he just wants to do that. Howard said he's in no condition to do that.
Howard said these guys aren't the Beatles. He said they're not that talented. Howard read more about this break up and said this isn't a good idea. He said maybe they woke up one morning and realized they were making shitty music. Howard said they should go out and make a living while they can. Howard said if they're so scary talented then they can do their own thing later on.
Howard said they're still looking for hot, nude mother/daughter teams to play in a contest. Howard said you can find out more at SiriusXM.com/Howard. Robin asked if they both have to be hot. Howard said they never thought this through. He said he didn't think they'd get any entries. He said they'll take the hottest ones they can get. He said they both have to be female and over 18 and that's it.
Howard said he has more Wolfie interviews. He went to Monster Mayhem and interviewed some people. Howard played a clip where this guy was talking in a high voice. He had a puppet in his hand and he was answering as the puppet. Howard said he's the world's worst puppeteer. He said he's answering as himself but doing the voice of the puppet. Wolfie asked him what monster has the biggest penis and the guy stayed in that stupid voice the whole time.
Howard played a couple of other quick interviews Wolfie did with some guys at that event. One of the guys was in a mask dressed as Jason Voorhees. Howard said you know that guy lives in the basement of his parent's house. He said you know how creepy that is. He said that he kind of fits in at Monster Mayhem. Howard said you know the parents want him out before he kills them. Wolfie asked a guy if he'd rather have a blow job or an autograph from Robert Englund. the guy said he'd rather have the autograph because you can buy a blow job anywhere. Wolfie asked the guy what monster Howard Stern would be. The guy said he would be Dracula because they're both blood sucking monsters. Howard said he wishes that Wolfie wouldn't bring his name up at these events.
Howard took a call from a guy who said something about David Arquette but both Howard and Robin zoned out on what he said. Howard said the guy lost him pretty quickly. He said he went to the paper while he was talking. Howard said the Russians made a pen that could spy on us when people were writing with them.
Howard said he could put up with this caller if he changed the topic. The caller started to talk about his bit again. The guy said that Robin was very evil with Benjy yesterday. Robin said she realized that and apologized to him a bunch of times. Robin said she knows she was wrong. The caller said he can't believe he's defending Benjy. Howard said it was funny but it came out of left field.
The caller asked if he's going to talk about his photography on his channel at some point. Howard said no one cares. He said he'd have to go to the Boring as Shit channel. The caller said he'd love to see him shoot some of the Wack Pack. Howard said he's actually working on a project. He said if you want his photographs then buy the North Shore Animal League calendar he shot.
Benjy was yelling over Robin and Robin was trying to say something to him. Benjy said he accepts the apology. He said he's not sure what that means though. Howard said he's wondering if he's moved on. Robin said he hasn't but he doesn't have to.
Benjy asked where the food is. Gary said it just came out about 5 minutes ago. Howard said he wants to see Jon Hein eat it. He said he doesn't get why he won't try it. He said he can just taste it. Benjy brought up the apology again. Robin said that she wanted to send something to Elisa yesterday but she wasn't able to find out where he lives. Howard said he's sorry he brought that up.
Howard had Jon Hein come in to taste the soup. Jon said he'll try it but he may not like it. He took a taste and said it's warm. He said it has a pumpkiny taste. He said it's not his thing. Howard said he tried it so he's proud of him. Howard said Robin has to blow him now. Howard told him to try another bite. Jon asked if he has to. Howard told him to just try it. Jon took another taste and said he doesn't like it. He said it doesn't do anything for him. Jon said he doesn't like the taste in his mouth right now so he might hate it. Jon said he does eat vegetables but this isn't for him. Howard told him to go out and find something he likes then. Howard said it's like walking on the moon for Jon.
Howard had David Arquette back on the phone and told him not to ruin it. He said that his message is working and the love is out there. David said Robin and Benjy are fighting though. Robin said she's not fighting. She said that she was wrong.
Howard said David's phone sounded like shit. David said he'd get a better one. He said he'd call back. Howard told him not to call back. He told Gary to let him know he wants to end this at some point. He said he did enough of the peace and love shit.
Howard said he wrote Bubba a note about what he did down in Tamps with the sex offenders. Howard said he's proud of Bubba. Howard said he wrote him a funny email where he asked for some signs to put up in his yard to keep the kids from coming up to his door. Howard said it's a great way to keep kids off your lawn.
Howard said Gary didn't have any phlegm this morning. Robin said he did leave the room at one point. Howard said Jon told him that it's only when he's around Howard that he gets it. Howard said Gary gets tense around him and starts clearing his throat. Howard asked what that was about.
Howard said he had Gary clearing his throat on the phone. It was Sour Shoes doing his impression. Gary said Sour found out the secret to getting past the switchboard and he's been driving everyone in the office nuts.
Howard thanked Gary for not clearing his throat today. He said he likes it that way. Howard said he thought he was going to vomit on his eggs the other day. He said he might as well come in and shit on him. Gary said he picked up one of Howard's disgusting napkins at his house once. Howard said that's his job.
Howard said Robin was criticized in the email. Howard said someone commented on her being back in the studio and only reading the worst of humanity in the news. Howard said someone suggested having Mike Tyson as the head attached to his body in the remake of the Thing with Two Heads. Howard said that he might have to audition Mike for that. Howard said he and JJ are reviewing script ideas now. He said he's off Star Wars and devoting himself to the Thing with Two Heads.
Robin said that Banksy took a painting off the wall of a thrift shop and put a Nazi in it. The shop put it right up on Ebay to make some money. Howard said some woman's whole car got crushed when people went to see something he had painted. Howard said the woman wants to sue someone now. Robin said the bidding war has started for the Banksy painting. Robin said the bids were up to $201,000. Howard said no one knows who he actually is. Howard said he does. He said it's actually Steve Brandano.
Robin read about how 10 percent of drivers would prefer to drive in the nude. Howard asked why anyone would want to do that. Robin said many people have admitted to doing strange and dangerous things while driving. Howard said those people should be arrested and killed. He said we need government because of these assholes. Howard said he was jogging the other day and he saw a guy driving erratically. He said the guy had a phone in one hand and driving with the other. He said people are just dicks. Robin said he's not on the love train. Howard said neither is David Arquette. He said he sounded like an angry guy to him.
Robin read a story about Chris Brown going into rehab. Robin said they say that Chris got mad at someone who tried to photo bomb a picture Chris was taking. Robin said he's in rehab for anger management.
Robin read a story about Tom Green returning to TV. Robin said he will be on AXS TV every Thursday. Howard asked how he got on that channel. Robin said it used to be HD NET. Howard said he likes a channel that changes its brand every month. Robin said that's Mark Cuban's channel. Howard said Mark is trying to get that whole thing together. Robin said they say Tom is less manic now and it should be interesting. Robin said Tom was very good on her show The Chatter.
Robin read about a 20 year old girl, Brooke Greenberg, who never aged. She said she never got past the mental capacity of a 2 year old. Howard said that's so vampire. He said you could take that gene and make people stop aging at 25. Robin said she was one of only a dozen children who have this. Robin said she was pushed around in a stroller all her life. She was only 30 inches tall. Robin said she never aged in any way other than her hair and fingernails growing. Howard said he'd take some of that shit right now if he could. Howard said they have to study this. He saw a picture of the girl and she looked like a 1 year old to him. Howard said it would be great for people like Pam Anderson. Howard said it's too late for him and for Pam now but in the future they could figure it out. Howard did a live commercial and then went to break after that.
After the break, around 9:40am, Howard came back and asked Robin how her chef is doing. Robin said she's eating. Howard said there's nothing grosser than that sound. Robin's mouth was full. Howard asked what she was eating. Robin said she had beets and a bunch of other vegetables. Robin asked if he's going to try anything. Howard said he loves all of that stuff but he orders it from his place. Howard said he has that beautiful lunch that would go to waste. Robin said that he had that conversation with Jon Hein and now he won't try it himself. Howard said he's not sure what to do with his lunch. Robin asked what she's supposed to do with his lunch. Robin told him to just eat her lunch.
Howard had the guys bring in Chef Chris Sanchez. Howard asked if he's a vegan chef. Robin said he's not. He's a regular chef who helped her write her book. Gary said he tried a few things that they made. He tried the soup and the red thing that they made. Gary said he had some cherry tomatoes and they were very good. Howard said he realized he has nothing to talk to Chris about. He said he'll be out there later. He said he could eat everything out there but he's trying to keep his weight down. Gary said the chicken is amazing.
Howard asked if Chris is legal here. Chris said he was born here. Howard let him go a short time later. Robin said he's from Black Eyed Susans in Long Beach Island. Howard asked if he's a shamen too. Robin said he is not. She said he's a surfer. She said he's married and his wife is there too. Howard asked if she's hot. Robin said she is beautiful. Robin said both of them are hard bodies. Howard said he wants to look at Mrs. Sanchez. Howard told Gary to throw the wife into the wolf den. Robin told them to leave her alone.
Robin read a story about a study that was done that found that men look at women's bodies. Robin said they say the study was unnecessary. Robin said we all know that men look at women's bodies. Robin had some audio of a female doctor talking about how that's okay. It's natural. Howard played the clip and said this woman is right but she's so hard to listen to. He said he's not sure how anyone could marry her.
Robin read a story about what's going on in China because there are so few women over there. Robin said one man cut off his penis and then cycled to a hospital to get treatment. Robin said they told him that they couldn't save his penis and they told him to go home. He had to go home and get the penis. He'd left it at home.
Robin had some audio of Al Sharpton holding a press conference about Barney's and their alleged racial profiling. Robin had some audio of someone from Barney's responding. Howard said they said they didn't even call the police. Howard said that's why Jay Z was waiting to say something.
Robin said she saw Beth in the paper today. Howard asked what paper it was. Robin said it was in the Daily News. Robin read about how they're holding a Kitten Bowl on Super Bowl Sunday. Howard said Beth told him about some of the stuff they shot ahead of time. He said that they have a whole bunch of new friends who took in kittens that they were adopting out. Howard said that one couple took in two kittens and Beth is so into that. He said that she's into saving lives.
Robin said the War of the Worlds broadcast is 75 years old. Robin asked if he remembers that. Howard said he wasn't born yet. He said that it was a radio show where they tricked people into thinking that we were being invaded by Martians. Robin said it reached at least 6 million people. Robin said they think that at least 20 percent of those people believed it was happening.
Howard said Riley Martin is going to be on the Talking Dead next week. Howard played a bit they put together using clips from the Talking Dead and Riley Martin.
Robin asked what treat most people want when they're trick or treating. Howard guessed that it was Snickers. Robin said that's right. She asked how he got that. Howard said he really didn't know that answer. He said he just guessed. Howard said Beth came home from the Kitten Bowl thing and asked what percentage of the day cats groom themselves. Howard said he guessed and got it right. It's 35 percent of the day. Howard said he knew it wasn't half the day but they're always licking and cleaning themselves. He said he threw 35 percent out and then spent 15 minutes trying to figure out how he got it right.
Robin read about Tootsie Pops being the runner up to Snickers. Robin read a bunch of other candy and gum that were on the top of the list.
Howard said he doesn't like Almond Joy. Robin said she doesn't like peanuts with her chocolate. Howard said he does. Robin said that a lot of kids are killed on Halloween walking in the streets. Howard said he doesn't like Halloween. He said he thinks it's Asshole-o-ween. Howard said one year he got chased by the police. He said he had to hide in a bush one Halloween night. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about what kids should do and wear on Halloween night. Howard did an impression of the woman who was talking in the clip. Howard said that she's so calm. Howard wondered who she was talking to. Robin said she thinks she's talking to the parents. Robin said she hates to see adults get so excited over a kid's holiday.
Robin read about Ashton Kutcher and how he's getting a part time job on the side with computer maker Lenovo. Robin said he's going to be a pitchman for their new tablet. Howard said he thinks this is all bullshit. He said he's spent time with Ashton privately and he seems like a nice guy but he's not that much of a genius. Howard said he believes that he's from the future and knew that Apple and other companies were the ones to invest in. Howard said he has to be from the future. He said he thinks he was born in 2083 and came back to this time to get rich. Howard said Ashton was just bitching about how he should have been paid to be on Twitter.
Robin read about how upset some people are about this country spying on the leaders of other countries. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. Howard wondered why anyone would be us against spying. He said that we rely on intelligence.
Howard said in the future Ashton Kutcher can not get laid. He came back to this time and he gets laid all the time. Howard said in the future he's considered good looking. He said that's the only logical explanation.
Robin read about Google Glasses and how they're getting an upgrade. Howard said that's because no one bought them. Robin read about how Google will upgrade their product to work with prescription frames. Howard said there's no way he's going to wear something like that.
Robin said Google is close to launching a smart watch. Howard said he doesn't care about that either. Robin said they could have it ready in months. Robin said it will communicate with smartphones and it will run on Android. Howard said he doesn't want to wear something that will give him cancer. He said he won't put something like that on his arm. Howard said some guys put that stuff in their jacket pocket. He said he won't do that because it's too close to his heart. Howard said Ronnie wears a belt clip for his phone. Howard said that might be the most uncool thing ever. He said it's hidden behind his suit jacket though so you don't see it.
Robin said they're thinking of raising the legal age of smoking to the age of 21. Ronnie came in yelling about how he's supposed to carry a phone. Howard told Ronnie to open his jacket up to show Robin. Robin laughed. Ronnie asked how he's supposed to carry a phone. Howard said that's perfect for Ronnie. Ronnie said it looks ridiculous in your pocket. He said it bulges out if its in your pocket. He said it ruins your pants. He had his keys hanging off his belt too. Howard said he has his hall pass hanging out of the bottom of his suit pocket. Ronnie was screaming and asking what he's supposed to do. Howard said he's like that Minnie Pearl woman who had stuff hanging off of her. Ronnie asked what's wrong with him. Howard thanked him and said he could leave. Ronnie said he had some of that food out there and it's good. He was wondering what the green stuff was that looked like Chickpeas. Robin said it might be Edamame. Ronnie had never heard of that. Howard got back to goofing on Ronnie about the stuff he carries on his belt. Howard asked if he ever had a coin changer on his belt. Ronnie said he did when he was driving a cab.
Robin got back to her news and said that you can get headaches from the time change that's coming up this weekend. Howard said Beth wanted him to get something right about the kitten bowl. He said that all of the kittens are adoptable in the bowl. He said some of them are the kittens they're taking care of.
Robin said a plane crashed and no one noticed. Robin said that a plane crashed in Nashville and it went undiscovered for as long as 6 hours. Robin said a pilot taxing by the crash pointed it out to the control tower. Robin had some audio of that conversation. Robin said a body was recovered and the plane was from Ontario, Canada.
Robin said that the numbers are falling for people who support the death penalty. Howard said the system is flawed. He said it puts too many innocent people to death. Robin said they say that 60 percent of the people are for the death penalty.
Robin said President Obama is in Boston today. Robin said that he's going to be talking about his health care plan and talk about how they're going to fix the web site.
Robin read about Keith Urban talking about how he maintains his long distance relationship with Nicole Kidman. Robin had some of his music for Howard to play. Howard asked if he had to. Howard said the guy could probably get a lot of pussy. Robin said he could but he married Nicole instead.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who asked how Ronnie unloads all of his stuff when he gets home. Howard said he probably removes his belt. Ronnie came in and said ''Fuck Erkle!'' He said King looks just like Erkle. He said he looks like a piece of shit. King asked if that's because he's black. Ronnie said it's because he's an asshole. Howard asked how he takes his stuff off. Ronnie said he just unclips the phone. He said he leaves the card in the car. He said he takes his keys off at home. Ronnie told King to shut up and called him Erkle again.
Robin asked how the stuff goes back on the belt the next day. Ronnie said he takes this stuff off and puts it together with his other stuff. Howard asked if he clips on over the weekends. Ronnie said he odes. He said he keeps the clip on so it's easy to get to. Ronnie told King to shut up a few more times.
King asked when the phone rings, does he flip his jacket and then flip it out. Howard said that's a good question. Howard asked Ronnie if that's what he odes. Ronnie said that's exactly what he does.
king said he almost did it to a picture of Beth. Howard said that's a compliment. King said he didn't want to disrespect him by doing that. He said he saw a picture of her from her Twitter account where she's looking at her phone while wearing red shoes. He said he might do it right now if Howard is okay with it. Howard said it's never disrespectful.
Robin had some Jonas Brothers music for Howard to play. Howard told Robin they have tweeted out a picture of Ronnie's utility belt. Howard said that Jonas brothers music is the shittiest music out there.
Robin had some audio of someone talking about how black licorice is bad for you. Robin said that it has something in it that can be bad for your heart. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:30am.
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Jon said he wanted to talk about Howard being so organized and how he was talking about that firs thing this morning. Gary said he takes notes on everything that Howard says.
Jon said Gary also remembered when he saw Robin naked. He said he's the only one on the show who has seen that. Gary said they were doing the WWOR TV show and it was kind of a cluster fuck. He said they would do the Friday show and Howard would go to a hotel and take a nap. Gary said Howard would show up around 1 or 2 and they'd shoot the show until 10 at night sometimes. Gary said he had to run papers around to tell people what they had to do. He said he went to Robin's dressing room and it wasn't locked. He said she was butt naked. He said it was like a second and a half. He said she turned around and tried to cover all parts. He said he was right out the door. He said they've never talked about it anywhere but there. He said he's apologized for it and Robin is probably just annoyed by it.
Jon said that Howard and Fred seem to be comfortable not speaking. Jon said that they aren't the kind of friends that fans might think they are. Jon asked Gary if he's surprised that they don't get together. Gary said he is. He said he thinks that Fred has been to Howard's house out east. He said if he's there with a group it's not a good way to get a one on one thing going. Gary said they may not need that though.
Gary said he spends some time talking to Howard every Friday. He said he's in the studio a lot and he's been to Howard's house at dinner and he and Howard have some interesting conversations. Gary said they talk about a lot of stuff now. He said they can have a lot of interesting conversations.
Gary said he remembers how picky Fred was when they would go out and eat. He said that Fred loved to eat at Hamburger Hamlet. He said he likes eating fine food now though.
Jon asked Benjy if he likes to try different things. Benjy said he's fine with either. Jon asked if things are okay with him and Robin. Benjy said he guesses so. He said he thinks he got a lot of flack for the whole thing. Gary said he thinks the got a lot of resentment because he answered a question with a question. Gary said he thought that he was just screaming over Robin. Benjy said he thought Robin wasn't letting him speak so he was trying to speak over her. Gary said that she may have thought the same thing since she didn't get her thought out.
Benjy said that he's not usually allowed to get his thoughts out. He said he'd like to do whatever he wants. Gary said no one does there. Benjy said he knows but it leads to frustration.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that there seems to be an underlying tone with the way Gary speaks to Benjy. He asked if he has something to get off his chest. Gary said he thinks he just said it when he said he doesn't let people get their point across. Benjy said he loves Benjy. Gary said he loves Benjy too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they're an inspiration to eat better. He asked Gary about something he ate earlier. Jon said he asked the chef about what he was making and he thought it had too much curry on it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's a chef an he wanted to talk to Jon. He said he thinks that he shouldn't influence the guys who want to go out and eat. Gary said he thinks that Jason will never let that slide again. Jon kept them from going to an Italian place once. Jon said if the guys all wanted to go to Italian he would have gone. He said sometimes Gary will pick a place he wants to go to and he'll go. He said he will taste stuff but he's picky. The caller said that Jon seems to be a super taster and that might be what the issue is. He said he may be tasting more of a wide spectrum of tastes than other people.
Jason came in and said that he would never let that situation happen again. He said Jon was just starting to work there so he was on his best behavior. He said he wouldn't let that happen again. Jon said he thinks that this is more of a Will issue than a Jason issue. Jason said that only one of them is voicing it on the air though.
Gary said some of the best dining experiences he's had have been because of Howard. Jason said one of the best he had was when Gary brought them to Nobu. He said that was so cool. He said that he had another one with Stuttering John and Robin Leach in Las Vegas. He said they went to Simon in Las Vegas. He said they just brought out plate after plate of food and it was crazy. He said he hasn't seen anything like that since then.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks he would enjoy going to any of those places. Gary said he doesn't think so. He said if he really sat and looked at the menu and tried to enjoy it he might find some things he would like.
Jason said food is a bonding experience. He said that he and Jon have bonded many times over food. Gary said they can have a great time at Nobu or at a Mexican dive. Jon said he has tried a lot of stuff over the past few years. He said that he usually goes back to his usual thing though.
Benjy said the only thing that matters to him is the acoustics in the restaurant. He hates places that are too loud. Gary said that someone who likes Jon in a big way thinks that his thoughts on food are juvenile. Jason said that's what Howard said yesterday.
Jason said they had a great meal out at Luger's too. Gary said that was one of the best meals they've had. They went to break after that.
Jon said that Gary went in and got into it with Howard when he brought that clip in that Scott had created. Gary said that Howard directed the pointer to Scott and he moon walked right out of there. Jon said he loves to hear a fired up Scott.
Jon said that Ronnie got it too during the news. He said that he had the phone clip on and he had to hear that from Howard. Ronnie said he really doesn't care what people have to say. He said he just answers Howard.
Gar said he thinks this is a ridiculous discussion. Gary said he's insanely hip for a 64 year old. He said the clip is inside his jacket. He said the guys that freak him out are people who have 2 or 3 phones at once and they have their shirts tucked in. Benjy said he'd be afraid that the phone would pop off an he wouldn't notice it. Jason said he's tried and they're not friendly to fat guys. He said they dig into you when you sit down. Gary said he thinks of it as the fanny pack of the new millennium.
Jon took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing a Peter Cetera impression. Jon let him do his thing for a few seconds before hanging up.
Jon asked Ronnie if he would carry a bag or a back pack. Ronnie said he likes to keep the stuff on him. He said he doesn't make statements with his stuff.
The guys were talking about how Scott is sick and they're wondering who spread it around. Jason said JD was sick like 2 weeks ago. He said if you have a cold you're miserable and you blame everyone and everything around.
Jon said Gary said that Howard looks emaciated. Gary said he is very skinny. Ronnie said he's just like a purse. Gary asked what that means. Ronnie said some people carry purses there. Jon asked who he was referring to. Ronnie said he wasn't referring to anyone.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie is cool. He said the David Arquette thing was weird. He said the guy drives him nuts and he goes back and forth getting angry and then saying peace and love. Gary said you're getting reality when he calls in like that. Jason said he loves it when he's there but today was his best call ever and it might be one of his favorite moments of all time on the show.
Jon asked if Gary agrees that they're all playing the wrong game. Gary said no. He said it all depends on what he's referring to though.
Jon asked Ronnie if he thinks he's more profound when he's drinking. Ronnie said he's way out there when he's loaded. Jon asked if he thinks that he's less inhibited when he's out. Ronnie said he gets into trouble when he drinks so he had to cut back. Jason said Ronnie becomes the life of the party. He said he likes being around him. Jon said that Ralph likes to mix it up but some people find it annoying. Gary said he has a picture of Ronnie shirtless in a throe and in a crown. He said he keeps it on his phone.
Jon asked Benjy if he is less inhibited. Benjy said he is but he hates drinking so much and not feeling good after it. He said he likes that feeling of being uninhibited.
Gary told a story about how they were doing the show and had Jakob Dylan on an Benjy started to sing to him ''How many roads must a man...'' and then he threw up on Robin.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked who put David on the phone. Gary said they just let David call in and they don't know what condition he's going to be in. Gary said even if he knew he was drunk he's not sure it's his responsibility to decide if he should be on the air or not. Gary said he doesn't think that David is going to be too upset about what he said. Jason said that he was walking that line with the Hitler stuff today. Gary said he was saying that Hitler was very effective at what he did but what he was doing was wrong.
Jason said that we can't all choose the game that they play. He said that David makes it seem like you can choose to change the strings that are controlling the world.
Gary said that you can say that you're not going to be like that and change yourself. He said he thinks that's what David was talking about. They went to break a short time later.
Gary said he and Mary were staying in the pool while this guy Randy took the kids out to learn how to ride a Jet Ski.
Jason asked Gary about him being there when he was at the house and if it was too much. Gary said he wasn't there all the time. Jason said he might find that not so relaxing. Gary said Dennis cooked for them and it was amazing.
Gary asked who they think knows Robin the best. Ronnie said he thinks it's Fred. Jason said that Mike Gange might know her best. They also threw Ralph in there.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if AGT has anything to do with Howard looking so skinny. He said maybe that's why he keeps the weight off. The guy asked if they could do the same thing if they were offered 10 million a year. Gary said Howard probably wants to look good when he's on TV. Jon said he thinks that Howard and Ralph have an eye for that kind of thing. Jason said Howard may have thought that he was ''Hollywood fat'' which is any type of fat roll on their body.
Gary said Ralph used to make fun of him because he could only lose weight when he was offered money. Gary said that he has done some things that weren't so good. He said he lost 32 pounds in 28 days once. He said that wasn't so healthy.
Ronnie said Howard looks good on TV. He said that's what he wants. He said he sees him when he goes to run and he's in shorts and a t-shirt and he looks even skinnier. Gary said he sees him at the pool. He said Howard doesn't look like the guy who plays Thor but he doesn't think he's ever been into that. They spent another minute on that and then ended the show. They were done around 11:20am.
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