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Playboy Cyber Club
Howard started the show talking about how aggravated he was this morning. Robin said they just started. Howard said he was exhausted yesterday and he went to bed at like 8 last night. He said he has people to tape TV for him and he set his clock to 3 in the morning and the Golden Globes weren't there. Howard said he taped every shitty show other than the Golden Globes. Howard said he's just annoyed. He said he read the paper trying to catch up. He said this isn't the first time he's commented on something he hasn't seen.
Howard said he's aggravated about the whole Lena Dunham thing. He said he's got a weird job. He said for the most part he sits there thinking out loud. Howard said he doesn't have an editor. He said when he wrote his books he'd write it and he'd edit it. Howard said he went through that whole process where his wife told him to watch the show ''Girls'' and he was annoyed by the first two episodes. Howard said he made some comments about it and how cool it was that she's a fat chick making a career for herself. He said he got on the air the next day and he said he was watching the show and he was liking it after 5 episodes.
Howard said Lena is kind of like a Woody Allen type who casts herself as a character. Howard said it bothered him that she's with these guys but that's no different than Woody Allen. He said there was a great line in the show about pounding someone's pussy and the guy says that was just his sister. Howard said he found the show very funny and he was liking it.
Howard said there was a moment in the show where someone said that someone was trained in the Alexander technique and that's kind of gay. He said he found that funny and he started liking the show. He said he did a 360 with the show and he started liking it all. Howard said he changed his opinion on the show. He said he felt good about what he had to say about the show and now he's a fan. Howard said he almost went to the premiere of the show the other night.
Howard said his buddy Perez Hilton wrote some stuff about him the other day and he used to be the meanest person with his web site. Howard said Perez used to call people fat all the time. Howard said he kind of threw him under the bus. He said he isolated his comments about liking the show. Howard said the word ''rape'' in his comments about Lena getting naked and Perez picked up on that. Then the press picked up on that and they ran with it without even hearing what he said. Robin said part of that was the Linda Stasi interview too.
Howard said he can take anyone's comments and paint them any way they want to. Howard said that's what the press did. Howard said he felt kind of weird about the whole thing. Howard said his reputation is so bad that it doesn't matter one way or the other.
Howard said Lena went on Letterman and mentioned it there. Howard said he felt bad about what happened because he does love the show and he does admire the girl who writes it. Robin said the whole thing was one sided. Howard said it was a hatchet job. He said that's all it was. Robin said that no one would say that he liked the show.
Howard said he asked Gary to get in touch with Lena so he can explain to her what he feels about the show. He said he doesn't want her thinking what they were saying in the press. Howard said he's seen that kind of stuff happen on American Idol. He said that he won't like them at first but then he'll see something halfway through and like it.
Robin said people have to stop the BS about people all being perfect and their first thoughts being their only thought. Howard said there have been times he's been on Letterman where they ask if he's okay with everything he says and he thinks that he could cut some stuff. Robin said Howard was watching TV and you don't watch hoping to be the greatest human being on earth. You just want to be entertained. Robin said that was Howard's particular likes. She said if you want to shapely women then you see this woman you might go ''Ehh.'' Robin said that Linda Stasi said that she takes off her clothes too much too.
Howard said he asked Gary to get Lena on the phone so he can tell her what he really thinks. Howard said it killed him that they printed that story in the NY Daily News. He said they didn't bother to check the story and they just stole it from his site. He said he felt bad for Perez too.
Robin asked if Gary got a hold of her. Howard said he got her people and they said she might call in. He said he's not sure if it'll happen. Howard said he wrote a note to Judd Apatow telling him to let her know he's trying to get a hole of her and tell her he doesn't think she's a talent less fat girl.
Gary said her people said they wanted her to call in on Thursday but they're not in on Thursday. He said he's trying to make it happen tomorrow. They played a Baba Booey song parody for a few seconds after that.
Howard said he read about the Golden Globes and saw some stuff online. Howard said people were moved by Jodie Foster's speech. He said he felt it was all over the place though.
Howard said he's not upset with Perez Hilton. He said he just wishes that the article could have been more fair.
Howard said last night people were saying that Jodie Foster came out of the closet but she never really did. Howard said she had Mel Gibson on with her and he just looks so odd now. Howard said the guy is screaming about the Jews and the Blacks and you look at him like he's a mad man. Howard said he's not sure why Jodie Foster would want to help the guy. Howard said she might as well bring Osama bin Laden with her. Howard said if she did come out then it seems a little late. Howard said it's like she's been out for 20 years already. Howard said everyone knew she was gay already. Howard said that's like when Sam Champion came out or when Richard Chamberlain came out.
Howard said it's like when Ricky Martin came out and everyone already knew. Howard said this Jodie Foster thing is just crazy. He said that she had some dudes on with her that she was talking to and he wondered if they were her kids. Robin said she guesses they are. Howard said he doesn't get the Mel Gibson thing. Howard said that's like if he brought Big Foot to a show with him. He said it was just a weird thing. Robin said it was weird to see Robert Downey Jr. kissing Mel Gibson during the show. Robin said Mel Gibson was a beloved guy and he disappointed people on another level. She said he will never be beloved again. Fred threw in some clips of Mel yelling in a voice mail message to his wife.
Howard said he was reading about how Jodie Foster came out and he read Perez Hilton's comments last night. Howard said he wanted to be moved by it but he really wasn't. Howard played some of the audio of Jodie making her speech last night. Jodie said that she wanted to put it out there and she'd need their support on this. Then she said she's single. She was bleeped and then she said she did her coming out thing in the stone age. Howard said he didn't know she did that. Howard said she never came out but she was in a lesbian relationship. Howard said she got outed during that time. Howard said she wasn't living a closeted life. Howard said she hardly came out.
Howard played more of Foster's speech and said that she started talking about her mom having Alzheimer's and that was moving to him. Howard said this whole thing sounds kind of crazy to him. He said no one knows what she's talking about. Robin said we're just finding out that she's crazy too. Howard let the clip play and Jodie was talking about how privacy is what really matters. Robin said if she really wanted privacy she should have gotten out of show business.
Howard played more of Foster talking about her privacy and about how Mel Gibson saved her. She was talking about her co-partner and didn't refer to her as an ex-girlfriend or anything like that. She called her a BFF and some other things but to a lover. Jodie said she's proud of their family and told her kids that this song was for them. Howard said those poor kids have to listen to that ranting all day. Robin said maybe that's how you end up when you get into show business at the age of 3.
Howard said that the mother stuff was moving but the other stuff he doesn't get. He said it didn't seem like a coming out party to him. Robin said when Jodie was together with that woman she never thanked her. Howard said all he was thinking was that someone shot a president for her. Howard said that was John Hinkley. Howard said that guy was trying to impress a gay woman. Robin said it didn't work. Howard said gay women aren't going to become heterosexual. Howard said that guy shot Ronald Reagan and if he heard this speech it might sound crazier than him. Robin said maybe they should let him out and put her in. Howard said that would be pretty funny.
Howard said when he woke up he saw all of these Twitter things about her speech. Howard said he didn't see it. Howard said the cameras should have been on John Hinkley and not on Mel Gibson. Howard said Mel's eyes were popping out but just imagine John Hinkley's. Howard said maybe John can try to impress Martina Navratilova next.
Howard said if Richard Simmons came out as gay you'd be just as surprised as this. Howard said he doesn't know that Richard is gay though. Howard said he doesn't like that outing thing anyway.
Howard had some more clips from the Golden Globes so he played a clip of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler else joking around about flu shots. Howard said that was pretty funny. Howard said that he doesn't get flu shots. He said he has a lot of shit in his head about the whole thing and both of his parents got flu shots. He said his mother tells him not to get them but now they get them. Howard said that they scare the shit out of him with the news and how the flu is the worst in a long time. Howard said they say that it's like an epidemic. He said Lisa G posted something about how a sneeze can go 6 feet. Robin said they say in dry air it lasts even longer. Robin said in cold, wet air it drops to the floor a lot faster.
Howard said Ronnie got sick from a flu shot but he has an egg allergy. Robin said getting a little bit of the flu is better than getting the full blown thing. Howard said Beth thinks they should go get the shots so he's going to check with his doctor. Robin said they give them at drug stores now. Howard said he's not sure if he can trust that. Robin said it should be fine. Gary said he got his at Walgreens. He said that CVS was out of them. Gary said the guy gives you the shot from behind the counter and gives you the shot. He said it's just a shot though. He wondered how you fuck up a shot. Gary said he was behind the counter making them. He said he didn't know they weren't pre-made.
Gary told Howard that it must be bad because a couple of the news people he listens to are sick. He said you can hear them on the radio when he listens. Howard said he got sick on vacation and he's not sure if he should get a flu shot. Gary said he went to Walgreens and they went around 8:30 at night and the guy told them that he had a line there at 4:30 that was about 50 people long. Howard said he's not sure how much of this Golden Globes thing he wants to play. Robin said she heard it so it's up to Howard.
Howard played more of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler doing some of their material while hosting the show last night. Howard said he's not going to play it all. He said most everyone probably heard it already. Robin said she should play more of it. She said that there was a funny Anne Hathaway line. Howard said he thinks she's a big talent but people were saying that she has gone over the top. Howard said she was really good on Saturday Night Live doing her Katie Holmes and Claire Danes impressions.
Howard played some of Anne Hathaway's speech that sounded kind of nutty. Howard said she was making jokes that no one was laughing at. Howard said she should keep her speeches short or get a speech wrier. Howard said she needs a director to work with her on her speeches.
Robin said she loves when Adele wins an award. Howard said she's still the size of a balloon. Robin said she's Adele, she doesn't have to lose weight. Howard said he has to keep his weight off. He said he's busy going to the gym and dieting and everyone still thinks he's ugly.
Howard took a call from a guy, CZ, who said he was going to talk to him about how gay he was about watching ''Girls.'' Howard said it would be gay to watch a show called ''Boys.'' The caller said he has a great story about the flu shot. Howard asked if he's going to tell it in that slow voice of his. The caller said that he's from Texas so that's why it's that way. Howard said this guy is going to tell his story now. The caller said he got his shot and passed out. He said he shit and pissed himself. Howard said that was a good story. He said he's sorry he suggested it might not be good. The caller said that he asked his mother if ''today was a good day'' when he was out and he isn't sure what was going on. He said something messed him up. Howard asked how long he was out. He said he was out for a good 5 minutes. Howard asked where he was. He said he was in a doctor's office. Howard said that's good. He said the doctor had to just give him a flu shot and then the guy passes out and shits and pisses his pants.
The caller said that he didn't just shit his pants. He said it was a dripper. Howard said that's what happens when you go to a doctor in Texas. Howard asked how old he is and why his mom took him to the doctor. The guy said he's 26 now but the shot was when he was around 14. Robin said that's some reaction.
Howard said he should take his mom to the doctor and say that she brought him there. He said he's 59 and his mother brings him. Howard said that guy came through with the story. He wasn't sure he would.
Howard said he's not sure if he's done with this Golden Globes topic. Howard said he isn't sure he's done with Anne Hathaway. Howard said he had a Sacha Baron Cohen clip. Howard played that. He figured it was going to be good. Howard played a few seconds of it and it was great right away. Sacha was goofing on the whole awards thing and then had everyone clapping for themselves. He mispronounced Hugh Jackman's name and goofed on some of the other people who were in the movie Les Miserables with him.
Howard played Bill Clinton's speech and fast forwarded through most of that. JD told Howard that he had more Anne Hathaway. Howard and Fred were goofing on JD's speech pattern. Howard said they tried to do a big where they had JD having phone sex with Big Foot but he doesn't think it worked. Howard said they should have called the real Big Foot and done it. Howard said they had to cut together clips instead. Howard said he'll play it anyway. In the clip they had JD clips and Big Foot clips having phone sex. Howard said it fell flat. He said that's why he wasn't going to play it. Robin said she doesn't think it would have been any better if it was the real Big Foot.
Howard told JD he didn't want to play the Anne Hathaway clip. He asked if he should play the Adele clip. robins said she loved her speech. Howard told JD to get back there. He asked if he thinks he should play that speech. Robin said she was just being herself. Howard played the clip and she was saying ''Oh my god!'' over and over. Howard said she sounds like she's having sex.
Howard had a clip of Catherine Zeta Jones singing a little bit. Howard said she sounds crazy. JD said she is bipolar so he's right about that. Robin said she was put away for a little while.
Howard brought up the song by DMX called ''My Niggas'' and played some of that. He said that Anne Hathaway did a version of that song at the Golden Globes. Howard played a clip of the song done as an opera. Howard said he's sorry he missed that last night. He said she did the ''Can a Nigga Get a Table Dance'' too. Howard played that song parody and said that was Anne Hathaway too.
Howard asked JD if he has more stuff that he should play. JD said some people were boring. He said Kevin Costenr was kind of boring. Howard played some of his speech and Fred threw in some snoring sounds.
Howard said that Jessica Chastain chick is hot. He said she looked good last night. Howard asked if Bradley Cooper won anything last night. JD said he lost to Hugh Jackman. He said Jackman won for Les Miserables. Howard said he has to keep saying ''what'' when he talks to JD. He said he didn't know that comedy and drama musical were in the same category. Howard and Fred did their JD impressions and goofed on him for a short time.
Robin said that Damian Lewis won for Homeland and she can't get over what he sounds like when he's not on the show. Howard said that he has a heavy accent and Gary pointed that out too. Howard played some of what he thought was that speech. He played Daniel Day-Lewis' speech instead. Howard said he's boring too. Howard said this is him at home listening. He played the speech and fast forwarded through most of it. He let it play until he got played off stage.
Howard said he had Claire Danes speech too. He asked if that was any good. JD said she didn't say anything too amazing. Howard said he thought JD said ''magazine.'' JD said it was ''amazing'' not magazine. Howard played some of her speech. Howard said that he can tell that she can fuck. He said that he bets she can fuck like a wild hillbilly. Howard said he can tell that Taylor Swift can't fuck but Claire Danes can. Howard said that's going to end up in the news now. Howard said he's exhausted. Fred played some banjo music and some porn clips mixed in to make up what that might sound like.
Howard played some of Damian Lewis' speech and talked about the weird looking mouth that guy has. Robin said you can't take your eyes off of that mouth when you watch him. Howard said that if he ever gets an award he's going to do it in a British accent. Robin said she was thinking about talking in only a British accent. She said she wasn't going to stop. Howard said he would kill himself if she did that. Howard said she can do it on her own show on Howard 101. That would be the British Robin Show. Howard said he'll listen to that when he's dead. Robin did some of her British accent. Howard said she can do that at his funeral. Robin said she'll give her eulogy in that accent. Howard played more of the Damian Lewis clip and Robin kept doing her accent.
Howard asked how Lena Dunham did. JD said she won a couple of awards. Howard said he hopes that she calls in. He said he's pretty sure she won't call in today. JD said she didn't know how to walk in her shoes so that was kind of annoying. He said that it took her like a half hour to walk up to the stage. Howard did more of his JD voice talking about that. Howard said he'd bet that JD slept in those clothes he's wearing. JD said he has been there all night. He said he wasn't criticizing what she wore, he said she should just be sure she can walk in those shoes.
Howard said he was telling JD to invest the money he was spending on porn and he'd have a lot of money. JD said he has 15 grand in a savings account. Howard said he met with Scott DePace and Scott is good with that stuff. Howard said JD came out smelling like cigars and now he's a birther. JD said he's having his doubts about Obama all of a sudden. Howard said Scott told him to come up with a Video Caddy and he'll have a fortune. Scott asked Howard what he invented. Howard asked if he really wanted him to answer that. Scott said he's sorry he even brought that up.
Howard said he was thinking about JD and how he could invest now and by the time he's 65 he could have enough to spend a million on web cam girls.
Scott said he's taking it in small steps with JD. He said he told him to talk to Human Resources first. He said he was telling him about other things but he glossed over. Howard said he needs to go down and help him with the paperwork. Scott said he's not sure he can do that. Gary said he knows what to do and he'll take over. He said that he'll take him down and get him squared away. Howard said he can take him down there in a baby carriage and a diaper. JD said he can handle it. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said they're going to talk to Jason's pot dealer, Smokey. Howard asked Jason how he's doing with quitting for a month. Jason said he had a couple of drinks out in Las Vegas but he hasn't smoked. He said that he had a few glasses of wine but that was it. He said he had a total of 4 drinks over 5 days and that was it. Howard said he heard that the dealer is kind of bummed. Jason said that it is a pretty big hit to him.
Howard picked up on the dealer, Smokey, and asked what he's spending on pot. Jason said he's around $4-500 a month. Howard said that's like 8-9,000 a year. Jason said it's like 6,000. Howard said if he spent that on drinking you'd think he'd have a problem. Howard said that's a lot of weed. Jason said he knows it is.
Howard asked Smokey if this really affects him. Smokey said he's small time and he has a couple of dudes. He said he had to cancel his Howard TV and Sirius this month. Jason said that he always had the biggest package to pick up when he'd go to pick up.
Howard asked Smokey when he got into this. Smokey said he got into it when he was like 13. Howard asked how much he dispenses in a given week. Smokey said it might be a pound in a week. Robin asked if this is his only livelihood. Smokey said he's been doing this for the past 4 years.
Howard asked how much he can make a week doing this. Smokey said it can be $800-1,600 a week. Howard said that must be tax free too. Howard said he must be in the six figure range. Smokey said he doesn't really keep records but it might be up there. Howard asked if he ever had aspirations to go to college. Smokey said he didn't. He said he worked at a pizzeria for a couple of years and drove a truck for a couple. He said then he came across this and now he's making a living and he's on the Howard Stern Show.
Howard said he heard that this guy is so busy that he can't stick around talking for long. Smokey said he's always on the move. He delivers, that's why he's out there. Smokey said he's Weed on Wheels. Jason said that this is his favorite guy out of everyone he's dealt with.
Jason said he loved being in Amsterdam and not feeling like a criminal. He said he would love it if we had that here. Howard said he figures it's about 15 years off here in this country.
Howard said if it did become legal then Smokey would be out of a job. Smokey said he could become legit. Howard said he might be out of it because big companies will come in. Howard said it's going to be difficult to compete if it becomes legal. Smokey said he doesn't care. He said that it's just a slap on the wrist now anyway.
Howard asked how he gets a pound of weed. Smokey said he knows people. Howard asked if he's considered growing it himself. Smokey said it's tough. He said you have to do it indoors under supervision to make sure it's growing right. Smokey said that it costs like $300 a pound just to grow it. Howard said it's amazing how strong the stuff is now compared to 20 years ago. Smokey said that it is. He said he started about 20 years ago and it has gotten stronger. Smokey told Howard that it's the hydro thing that helped make it even stronger. Jason said that there is a science to it.
Howard asked how many customers he has because it sounds like a hard job. Smokey said Howard must know some pot smokers and he could make a big profit out of those few people. Howard said he wonders what the end game is. Smokey said he would like to do this for another 10 years and save a couple hundred grand. He said he can relax in a few years and just ride it out after that. Howard asked why he's talking to them today and if he's worried about the authorities. Smokey said that he thinks that it would be hard for the authorities to find him.
Howard asked if Smokey has been caught. Smokey said he got caught with a half ounce once and they just let him go after spending some time in jail. He said he went to court and they gave him another court date and then he walked up to the judge and he plead not guilty and he was out of there in minutes. He said it wasn't that big of a deal.
Howard said he thinks that it's a lot of money to spend on pot. Smokey said it's not that much crazier than drinking a few drinks every night at a bar.
Howard said he likes Jason a lot and if he took $500 a month and invested it he could do something with it. Jason said he would rather get rid of cable TV. He said he'd rather smoke. Jason said he isn't smoking right now and he never will again. Smokey said he is one of his best customers. He said he is his bread and butter right now. Howard asked if he's the most famous client. Smokey said he is but there are some other dudes at Hot 97 he deals to. He said that they're not as famous as Howard's people are.
Howard asked Smokey if he specializes in radio sales. Smokey said he has been a huge fan for a long time. He said that he hasn't missed one day of the show since he got to Sirius. Jason said that he has the biggest piece of shit car but the nicest Sirius radio in that car. Smokey said he can't be flashy so he has to drive a piece of shit.
Howard asked if he considers himself a criminal. Smokey said no. Howard said he wishes that he would pay taxes. Smokey said he would if he could. Howard said he would rather have him selling it legally and paying taxes on it. Howard said that's how they could get money to help the mentally ill.
Howard said he was talking to Jason about smoking and he asked if he could quit for a month. Howard said he wanted to see him do it and Jason is 10 days in now. Howard said they haven't finished out the month yet. Jason said it's not that difficult. He said that the smoking was most important to him when he's out socially. He said he wanted to be high when he was out drinking and dancing. He said he would have loved to have been able to smoke then.
Howard asked if he has the best weed he's ever smoked. Jason said no but he has the most consistently good stuff. Jason said he knows there are a lot of different strains but he's not sure what Smokey gets him. Smokey said he gets him Sour Haze or some type of cush. Jason said he has put something in a bowl and smoked it and felt it was just crap. He said it's always consistent from Smokey. He said that he's very reliable too.
Howard asked Smokey if he is only reliable to Jason because he's a fan of the show. Smokey said he treats it like a real business and he treats everyone like that. He said he just needs 24 hours notice to get you want you need.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they have a lot of dispensaries out in California and they have guys who are called budtenders who know their stuff. He said they have hash hits that can get you stoned for a good 6 hours.
Gary came in and told Howard he was talking to some of these guys and they were telling him about vaporizers and how expensive they are. Jason said that's supposed to be healthier for you than smoking. Jason said he doesn't have one of those though.
Jason said that he has seen that he doesn't have to smoke as much as he has been. He said that's what he's learned so far.
Howard asked how close they are. Jason said he and Will flew to Canada and Smokey showed up and gave him three brownies to eat for his trip to Canada. He said he didn't even have to ask for them.
Howard said it's crazy that pot is illegal. Robin said you can go to Amsterdam and tell the people what kind of day you want to have and they'll tell you what to smoke over there. Howard said he doesn't care if someone wants to smoke pot. He said he's fine with it. He said he's amazed that Smokey isn't afraid to get arrested. Smokey said that the cops don't care about it that much. He said they might harass you a little bit but they won't bother you that much. He said they really don't care.
Jason said that it's not illegal in Colorado or Washington State. Howard said that next up they're going to have Lisa G's pimp on the phone. Howard said that was an exclusive with Jason's pot dealer. Smokey asked if he could get a tour up there. Howard said he's sure Jason could set that up.
Howard asked Smokey if he has any family. Smokey said he's 32 and it's kind of hard to maintain a relationship. He said he's really focussed on his job and he's out there from 10am to about Midnight. He said he's always on the move. He said no woman wants to wait for him to get home at midnight.
Howard asked if women ever offer sex for pot. Smokey said they've never really done that. Jason said that you don't have that shaky need for it like you do with other drugs.
Howard asked Smokey what he does when they don't pay. Smokey said they all pay. He said they'll lose him as a contact if they don't pay. Jason said he shorted him a couple hundred once and he felt horrible but Smokey told him to catch him the next time.
Howard asked how Jason found out about Smokey. Jason said it was through someone there. He said that he's become his regular after he got to know him.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what the fuck they're doing talking about this on the air. Howard said he doesn't care if they want to come on the air. Smokey said he'd like to give out his Twitter on the air if he could. Jason wondered what the guy thinks the cops are going to do. The caller said that the cops want to make an example of him and they're going to come after him.
Jason said Snoop Dogg has been there talking about smoking and the cops aren't waiting for him when he leaves. Howard said Snoop has been busted for pot. Jason said he doesn't go to jail though. Howard said he doesn't care what people smoke. The caller said he thinks they're going to go after Jason then.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that the cops could get a search warrant and then get the guy to deliver to him and they'll bust both of them. He said that they're going to tail him and watch what's going on.
Jason told the caller that he doesn't get it delivered at home. He said he lives in New Jersey and Smokey is based in New York. He said that no one is going to come to his house. Smokey told the guy that he's paranoid. He said he needs to smoke and chill out.
Howard wrapped up with Smokey and said he should think about changing his name. He said that there must be a ton of Smokeys out there. Howard let him go a short time later. Howard said that they learned that being a pot dealer isn't great for dating. Howard said he would set up hours for girls if he wanted to. Jason said he likes that Smokey is always there when you want him to be. He said that's why he's his guy.
Howard said he hopes that Jason doesn't get arrested over this. Jason said he hasn't bought anything and he doesn't have anything on him.
Robin asked what it was that made him ask Jason to quit smoking. Howard said Jason was talking about it on some show and he was talking about how much he was spending on it. Howard said he wondered how much he was smoking and found out that he was smoking like 3 joints a day. Howard said he thought it sounded like a problem to him. He said Jason said he didn't have a problem so he asked if he could quit for a month and then told him to prove that he could do it.
Howard said he wanted to jam. He told Fred to get his guitar. Howard said he was drumming and he broke his ring. He said Fred just destroyed his jewelry.
Fred played some Beatles for Howard to drum along with. He played ''The End'' and Howard drummed along with that. Howard said that his fingers hurt from drumming on it. Howard said it's a pretty cool thing though. Howard said he's a genius on the drums. Fred played ''Wipe Out'' for Howard to drum along to. Howard played to that for a short time.
Howard finally started slowing down. Howard did his Richard Christy voice and said ''That was fuuuun.'' Howard asked where he is so he can try p;laying it.
Howard said Beth got him some gifts and he had to return them. Gary said he got him some gifts too. He said he got him some stuff for his camera and a book.
Richard Christy came in and said that he can play that drum thing. He said he could play Wipe Out with his feet. Richard started playing but he was just hitting the thing and Howard said he's kind of shitty at it. Howard told him to get out of there. Howard said it's no wonder he's a failed drummer. Howard told him to whip his cock out. Richard played some more and Howard had Fred play him some Zeppelin to play along to. Richard said he can't hear. Howard said he's not giving him his headphones. Richard played and Howard sang along to ''Immigrant Song.'' Richard asked for ''Rock and Roll'' to drum with.
Howard asked what this thing is called. Fred said it's called a Cajon. Howard let Richard play some more and then kicked him out. He told him to go back to his cubby hole with Sal.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said Jon Leiberman has a story about Big Foot being in jail. Robin said she heard that he's in big trouble.
Howard said he turned 59 and realized that his father was retired by this age. Howard said people keep asking him how it feels. He said that he's pretty sure that 59 is the new 90. He said he feels burned out now. He said he had so many candles on his cake that they had to call the fire department to put it out.
Howard said he got a Mani-Pedi and watched Girls over the weekend. He said he lost his balls and became a 45 year old woman. He said it wasn't an exciting birthday but it was a relaxing one. He said Ronnie told him that he saw the Beatles at Shea Stadium on his 59th. It took Robin a minute to get that joke. Howard told her to stick with him because he has a million of them. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that's the instrument that Fred got him in that song. Howard said he was thinking about the Golden Globes and how they could have gotten some shout outs but didn't. Howard said Bradley Cooper should give him one when he wins. Howard said Jack Black brought his mom to the awards. Robin said a lot of people did that. Howard said he wouldn't. He did an impression of his mom if she was going to the awards show with him. Howard had his mom saying that it's not really for her. Howard said she's not a buzz kill at all.
Robin asked if she would be impressed sitting there with George Clooney or Daniel Day-Lewis. Howard said no way. He said he sent them a screener of Argo that he had and his mother said it just wasn't for her.
Howard said that Jimmy Kimmel did very well last week in his new time slot. Robin said that Tom Shales wrote a really bad review. Howard said Tom used to be a really important guy. He said he used to write for a big paper. Howard said that he was talking about how Jimmy made fun of the girl that was missing an arm on The Bachelor. Howard said Shales mentioned him in the article and he said he had sold out to ''The Voice.'' Howard said that's a TV critic getting that wrong. Howard said he has never gotten a positive review on his radio show and he's done fine. Howard said Jimmy shouldn't take it so hard.
Robin said that Jay Leno was on the red carpet for the Golden Globes. Robin said he's like a wind up doll. She said he becomes that guy from the Tonight Show and the people just stand there looking at him. Robin said he starts a routine and does jokes. Howard said he's sick of bashing jay. He said he doesn't think there's anyone left who likes him. He said that he's feeling bad for him... but not really.
Howard said that he got a note saying that Tom Shales was writing that he was leaving The Washington Post and he was broke. Howard said he's not going to get back in the mainstream if he writes that Howard Stern is bad on The Voice. Howard said that's only if he wants to be a TV critic.
Jon said they were out on a movie set with him a few months ago and he was so cordial and likeable. He said that he was ''normal'' while thy were with him. He was on medication at that time and he has stopped taking it since then. Jon said that he hasn't been able to get in touch with Big Foot since he was arrested.
Howard said he thinks that the Wack Pack alone is keeping them pretty busy there. Jon said he has more. He said that Will is saying that he may not go down to Atlantic City for the Block Party because he's not getting paid. Jon said that Shuli has also said he'll have Scott back on the block party if he apologizes to him for what he said about him being a thief.
Howard had Shuli come in to talk about that Scott thing. Shuli told Howard that they wanted to have a mystery guest at the Block Party show in Atlantic City. He said their promoter, Sequoia, got in touch with Scott. He said in the mean time Ronnie said that he knew that Scott wanted back on the tour. Shuli said he likes Ronnie and he wants him happy so he said that they could have Scott come back. Howard asked where Scott is. He wanted to talk to him about this whole thing too.
Scott came in while Howard was talking about that bowling ring that he was buying for him. Scott said they did discuss this particular ring that's going to cost close to $1,200. Howard did his Scott impression and goofed on him for a short time.
Howard got back to the Shuli thing and how he's looking for an apology for the ''thief'' comments. Scott said they approached him to come to the show and to possibly come back to the show. He said he would do Harrah's and they offered him a lot less this time. Scott said he wanted to test the waters. Howard asked why he wants to go work with a thief. Scott said that last time it was left unclear and he's not sure if he's going forward with much less. Shuli said he's going to go ahead at much less and he's letting him know that now. Scott said that this is getting the block party discussed on the show again so that's one good thing in their favor. Ronnie came in and said this isn't fair. He said that he's bad mouthing the Block Party now. Scott said he's not bad mouthing anyone.
Howard asked what they're going to cut his pay to. Ronnie cut in and said that he told Scott he never should have left. He said that it was his pride and principle that made him not come back. Shuli said if he wants to come back then he has to get it approved with Ronnie and JD. He said it's their show, not just his show. Scott said that it used to be just Shuli's show and Ronnie always says he has nothing to do with it.
Howard said it was Scott's show. He said he wasn't happy with what he was being paid. Scott said they excluded him from the decisions. Shuli said that's not true. Ronnie said that all he knows is that he gets an envelope with money in it at the end of the weekend. He said he never cared about anything else. He said Scott was always worrying about everything else. He said he's too anal about everything and told him to stop.
Howard said it sounds like they're doing fine without him. Scott said that's fine. Howard wanted to know what their vote was going to be. Ronnie said he said he never should have left. He said he's been pushing for him to come back. Howard asked how much less he'd be making. Shuli said he'd be making about half of what he was making. He said he'd have a contract written up about that. He said he will have a contract written that says that he has to give up his bowling ring if he quits again.
Howard asked Scott if he'll go back for 50 percent less. Scott said that remains to be seen. Shuli said that no one is giving Scott that money. Scott said that he's going to talk to them about this stuff and he'll just deal with whatever it is he has to deal with.
Ronnie said he was guaranteed an x-amount of money on every show even if they only made 2 dollars on the show. Shuli said that Scott was calling him all kinds of names during that whole thing. Ronnie said Scott wanted to get his own block party started too.
Ronnie said he was always up for him coming back. Shuli said he has to figure out a place for him in the show if he does come back.
Shuli said that anyone from the show that wanted to come down to the Block Party was invited. He said they can't pay them but they were going to give them a hotel room. He said that they don't need them to come down but they can if they want to. Scott said this is the same shit as it was before. He said he knows he's a pain in the fucking ass.
Howard said he thinks of Scott as a lamp so that's how he'd fit into the show. He said that the show has evolved over the pasts few months. Scott said he's not going to beg for something. He said they called him and he didn't go to them. Ronnie said that he's been saying he wants him to come back all along.
Howard said it sounds like it hasn't been worked out but he's looking forward to an update. Shuli said that they're going to have him as their Mystery guest on this next show and then they'll see where it goes. Shuli said he wants off this tour now. Robin said Scott is the funniest guy because if you give him money he talks himself out of it.
Howard said that Hanzi is one guy who freaks out a lot. Howard played a clip of Hanzi talking to Shuli and flipping out that he was being harassed by trolls and he sounded like he was blaming it on Howard. Hanzi was yelling about these people and said he doesn't care about Howard or anyone else. He hung up on him.
Howard said Hanzi seems to think that he's saying things about him on the radio. Howard played another clip of Shuli calling Hanzi back and trying to calm him down. Hanzi was blaming Howard for sending these trolls after him to drive him nuts. He said he hates Howard and you have to kill people to get success. He hung up again. Howard said that guy is scaring him a little bit. Robin said that's what happens to some people. She said they get worse.
Howard said someone said to him that Eric the Actor would sound like Hanzi if he had more energy. Howard had Eric on the phone so he asked if he thinks that's true. Eric said no. He said what Hanzi is talking about is what happens to him on Twitter and Facebook. Robin said there's an easy way to take care of that. She said you get off Facebook and Twitter. Eric said that he likes to follow what the other people on Twitter are doing. Howard said he should make an account that's not in his name. Howard said you just quietly follow people. Howard said he must like the action. Howard said he thinks it's funny what people write to him. He asked Eric why he would even be on it if he doesn't like it. Eric asked if he was going to let him speak. Howard asked him to do it quickly.
Eric said he follows a lot of people and he needs a lot of people to follow him. He said you can't follow 3000 people unless 30,000 people are following him. Howard asked why he really wants to follow 3,000 people. Eric said yes. Howard told him to just do it anonymously.
Eric asked if he watched Jimmy Kimmel last week. Howard said he did see some of the show and it was great.
JD came in and said that you can see the people Eric started following and one day he followed about 50 women with big breasts. Howard said that makes you look like a fucking mess. Howard said he would like to pretend that he's not a mess. Robin said Eric is a mess. Howard said he's not sure why he would have to follow 50 titty women. He asked what they do. Eric said they have big breasts. Howard said he can see that. Robin said that you don't have to follow 3,000.
Howard asked who has the best Twitter out of the people he follows. Eric said that Iron Sheik and Jose Canseco are a couple.
Howard said he has to tell Hanzi that he's not doing anything either. He said it's hard to get through to him though.
Eric said that people were asking about why the staff had to go to CES. He said that it's consumer electronics so the explanation is simple. He said that's the only way people can listen to the show.
Howard said he has to get things done around there and he needs his staff there. Howard said they're having a big conference there in February. Howard said they're going to straighten this stuff out. Howard said that Jon and Gary were out in Vegas together and they got married. Howard said that since what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas they won't hear about them fucking.
Howard said they were all out there for GEEKTIME and they're going to change the name of the stations to Geektime 100 and Geektime 101.
Howard read about the most pirated movie last year which was Django Unchained. Howard wondered where the Medicated Pete movie was in that list.
Howard said that PornHub.com did a survey of where the most porn is watched. He read the details of that and joked about how someone named DaBadAss was number 3 on the list.
Howard read about how 2 billion tons of food is thrown away every year. Howard said no one there is throwing away any food.
Howard said that the Black Keys are supposed to be playing at the Grammy's this year. Howard said Steve Brandano can get out his lotion and some tissues to jerk off into for that.
Howard said he feels guilty after jerking off but he realized that JD must feel broke after doing it.
Howard tried to take a call from Ass Napkin Ed who wasn't there on the line. Howard hung up. Howard said that they have to talk about some other things in the news. Howard said Regis Philbin wants to return to Who Wants To Be A Millionaire but he's not sure the producers even know.
Howard said that they found a loaded cannon in Central Park and they say it's a very dangerous thing. Howard said that's not the most dangerous thing in Central Park at night.
Howard said a stripper died from falling off a balcony during a lap dance. Howard wondered if they had her funeral yet. He said they must need to bury her in a 12 foot long casket with those giant shoes on. Howard said women don't need to do acrobatics to turn a man on. Robin said they already have a gimmick. She said they just don't get it. Howard said they just have to stand there naked and play with themselves.
Howard said the Lingerie Football League is gone. Howard said they used to watch that during the half time show. Howard said that's how he and Robin missed the Janet Jackson titty slip. Howard said maybe they could have Lingerie Congress or Lingerie garbage collectors.
Howard said they found out that Amy Winehouse died of alcohol poisoning. Howard said that they say she was watching herself on videos. Howard said if he did that he'd probably drink himself to death too.
Howard said there was a story about how Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson have sex 7 times a day. He said that would explain why they look so out of it in every interview.
Robin said she saw a movie called ''Grace'' that she really liked. Robin said that Howard should watch it. She said it's on Netflix.
Howard said that someone got killed on a street corner for doing sign language. Someone thought he was doing gang signs and shot the guy. Howard said this is what happens when we don't ban deaf people from the streets.
Howard said the woman who runs Hewlett Packard got a $15 million bonus even though the company didn't do so well. Howard said they should hire her there at Sirius. He said you should see the kind of bonuses they get there.
Robin asked if Howard watched any football this weekend. Howard said Beth was watching but he had no idea what was going on. Gary gave him some information about what was happening. Howard said he was talking to a radio guy and they told him that a radio station changed their name to put RG3 into their call letters.
Howard said he has to take a break. He had a game to play but he had to take a break. He took a quick call from Ass Napkin Ed who said he agrees with Hanzi. Howard quickly thanked him and hung up on him.
Howard played a clip from Oprah's show where David Letterman talked about his relationship with his wife getting better after that whole intern thing. Then they inserted a clip of Debbie the Pet Lady yelling at him as if that was his wife. Robin said there must have been days that were really like that. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said he was trying to do that in a professional manner. He said that Sal blames Scott and then blames him and his mouse. Howard said it turns out when he thinks it's someone else's fault around there it's actually his own fault.
Howard said he had a game to play but they're kind of out of time. He said that they had better start the news now. He said he'll play the game tomorrow. Howard said it's the George Takei ''This or That'' game. Howard said he'll give one sample. He said this is just a teaser. Gary told Howard how it works. Howard said he knows but he should tell Sal and Richard. He said he'd never go to war with Sal because he'd give you up in a second.
Howard played the first clip where they asked George if he would prefer Nipple Clamps or Butt Plug? Robin and Howard guessed it was the nipple clamps. George's answer was actually the butt plug. Howard and Robin were surprised by that answer.
Howard said maybe just one more. They asked George if he likes a penis cut or uncircumcised. George said he likes uncircumcised. Robin said that he doesn't understand the game. Robin said he has said on the show he likes them cut. Sal said he was fully aware of what the game was. Howard said it doesn't sound that way.
Howard said they have to play just one more. Sal asked if he would prefer spit or swallow. Robin and Howard picked swallow. George said ''Spit.'' Robin said he really doesn't get the game. She said she's just going to pick the opposite of what he says.
Howard played one more. They asked George if he likes shaved or unshaved. Robin picked unshaved. She was right.
Howard said they'll play the rest tomorrow. George said they'll have Jeremy Savage look into the system to see when that thing was manipulated. Howard said Sal is going to get things done around there. He said he's been thinking about Sal all weekend. Howard said he was sending stuff to Fred all weekend. He said that he wants to get things going around there and he had pieces of paper hanging all over his walls. He said it was like when Claire Danes had paper hanging on the wall in Homeland.
Robin started her news with a story about the Miss USA pageant. She read about some of the contestants and how they had Tourette's and Autism. Robin said one of the women lost more than 50 pounds to win her state's pageant. Robin said that Miss New York nailed her question and that's what put her over the top so she had audio of some of the other contestants answering questions. Robin had some clips of various contestants answering questions. One of the contestants commented on marijuana and said that she doesn't think it should be used for anything but medical and recreational uses. Howard and Robin got a laugh out of that. They had a bunch of other contestant question and answers. Howard read a live commercial and then went to break.
After the break, around 9:45am, Robin read a story about Lance Armstrong going on Oprah's show to talk about his doping accusations. Robin said there's a lot riding on that interview and what he might admit to on the show. Howard said his advice would be to shut up. He said he's crazy to let his fate rest in Oprah's hands. Robin said when he decided not to fight he gave up a lot more than he could have. He was stripped of all 7 of his titles because he didn't fight.
Robin read about a new movie called ''Sellebrity'' coming out. Howard said the had the guy on the show. Robin said she must have been out that day. Howard said he had Kevin Mazur on the show. Robin thought he saw Jennifer Aniston dealing with the photographers. Howard said he had to see what was going on in the paper because they didn't invite him over to the house. He said he went out to dinner twice but never got over to the house. He said he would have loved to have stood outside on the balcony and let them take pictures of him. Robin asked why they didn't have him over to the house. Howard told her to look at him and ask if she'd want him in the Paparazzi pictures. Robin said that Marc Anthony talks about how bad it got for them when they had their wedding and weren't able to hear their vows because of the helicopters flying overhead. Robin read about some of the other people who were part of that movie. Howard said he doesn't know how Jennifer and Justin handle all of that. He said there's photographers everywhere when they're out.
Robin read about a book that's coming out that has stories about how stars use their power to do over the top things. Robin said they talk about how Eddie Murphy got his brother out of going into combat by writing jokes for Senator Al D'Amato. Howard said they all deny that story. Howard said he doesn't believe it because there was no draft. Robin said it wasn't a draft, they were going to send him off to a war zone and Eddie didn't want him to go so that's when they got him this job. Robin said they say that Eddie's uncle Ray was also walking around with scripts all the time so they could get them to come home with him. Robin said that Eddie had a particular thing that he was into. That was little, pretty feet. Howard said that's the story on him. He's into feet. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Howard read some email and said that people liked the opera version of ''Jacking Off to You'' that they played last week. Fred played some of that for Howard. Howard played one of the other opera versions that he played earlier.
Robin read about some books that are coming out about Scientology and Tom Cruise. Howard said he read an except from that book and he was fascinated. Howard said that the people who work at Scientology are working hard and making like 50 cents a day. Robin said that they talked about one girl who had cramps during a dinner and they never talked to her again. Howard said they say that they're God like and Tom Cruise is like number 3 on the list. Howard said this girl announced she had her period and they just never talked to her again. She was thrown out of the group.
Howard said he's going to use some of those examples when they have their big meeting in February. Howard said that he has to get people in line and crack the whip around there. Robin said they don't have that place they send people to when they're out of line. Robin said they're so locked down that they may not even know who the President is. Howard said he's a big fan of their tactics.
Robin read that Britney Spears is single again. Howard said she's a good catch on paper. Howard said she probably fucks like a demented hillbilly. He said guys don't stick around long though. Robin said that he's left her and quit The X-Factor. Howard said he knows a couple of guys who haven't been doing great the past couple of years and she'd be the perfect out for them. Howard said there's a lot of money in that gig. Howard said he thinks he could handle her. He said she might be like bucking bronco though. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read about thousands of people in France who were marching against making gay marriage legal. Howard wondered what is going on in this world. He said he's not sure why people give a shit if someone is gay or transgender. Howard said gay people are together anyway so why not just let them get married. Howard said he doesn't get why anyone cares. Howard said if God wanted it stooped then he'd stop it himself. He said he really doesn't understand what anyone's objection would be to a gay person.
Howard read some email about J.B. Smoove and how he was on the show last week. Howard said a lot of people liked his interview. Howard read a few positive emails. Robin said she's glad people liked him. She said she knew he was good after having him on her show.
Robin read more about the gay protest in France. Howard read an email from someone who went to Wikipedia where it said that Ronnie was 81 years old. He's really only 61 but Wikipedia had it at 81.
Robin read about 4 topless women being arrested at St. Peter's Square. Robin said they were protesting there about adoption. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read more about how some of the women at the Golden Globes are paid to wear jewelry. Robin read some of the details about what some of the women were paid to wear this stuff. She said that Anne Hathaway was reportedly paid $750,000 by Tiffany to wear their jewelry. Howard said that sounds like a great deal.
Robin read about how one of the Kennedy kids doesn't think that it was a lone gunman in the assassination of their uncle. Robin said that Robert F. Kennedy Jr. says this. Howard did his Ted Kennedy impression while Robin was talking about what Kennedy had to say about the assassination. Robin said he believes that the Mafia had something to do with it. Howard kept the Kennedy impression going for a few minutes having a conversation with Robin about the Kennedy family. He was talking about the chicks he'd be banging if he were alive today.
Robin read a story about some gun shows that were held this weekend. Robin said they found that they had a greater attendance than normal and people were looking for assault rifles and high capacity magazines. Robin had some audio of someone reporting on that.
Howard read an article in the paper about gun control and how the first amendment doesn't allow for slander, libel and yelling out fire in a movie theater so why do we have to be so pure with the second amendment.
Robin said that Roseanne Barr has returned to stand-up comedy and she's going to be doing a show at the Laugh Factory. Robin had some audio of someone from the Laugh Factory talking about that. Robin said that she's going to be performing there through March. Howard said he'll have to ask Tom Arnold about that tomorrow when he comes in.
Robin read about the flu and how doctors are asking for people to get their flu shots. Robin had some audio of someone talking about the flu and what people should do if they are sick. Howard said he has never had a flu shot. Howard said he's so scared to get one. Gary asked how many people he knows who have gotten sick from getting one. Howard said he has to get one. He asked where he get it. Gary said they have it at CVS and Walgreens. Gary said he went to his kid's pediatrician once because everyone else was out. Robin said it takes 2 and a half weeks to take full effect. Howard said he figures that he'll get sick before it kicks in.
Howard said he should be allowed to cut the line if they're in short supply. Gary said that the nurse can give it to you at the doctor. Howard said he can't get it until Wednesday if he goes to the doctor. Robin said he should go to the CVS then. Gary said they might be out. Howard said he just read that 1 in 3 people have a problem after they get sick. Robin said that she was told to just take Tylenol the night of the shot. Fred said he had a headache the day after he got his show. Gary asked how he knew it was from the shot. Fred said is was that kind of headache that he knew it was from the shot. Gary said he should wait until Wednesday to get the shot. Howard said his mother said she was out of it for a couple of days after getting it.
Gary came in and asked what a mild problem is and what he thinks would happen if he got it. Gary said he and his wife had hot arms when they were driving home. Howard said he knows he'd have a problem. He said that 1 in 100 people have severe problems after they get it. Howard said he doesn't know what to do.
Howard took a call from a woman who told him not to bother. Howard said that he is around people in a gym. The caller said that Howard will be fine. Howard said this woman sounds like she doesn't even have teeth. She asked why. Howard said he knew it. She told Howard that he shouldn't get it.
The caller told Howard that she takes care of a woman who has no issues with flu. She said that she never gets shots and she can't even walk. She said that she goes to the horse track every day and she never gets sick. The caller was 70 and the woman she takes care of is 56. She said she can't even feed herself. She said she's been taking care of her for 13 years. Howard asked how many dumps she takes a day. The woman said that it might be a couple of times a day. Howard said if she dies then she's out of work. The caller said she could have retired but she won't. She said she should be in Howard's house. Howard said he wishes she was. He said he shits his pants all the time. Howard said this woman doesn't worry about it because she lives in Tampa. She said that they have the flu down there too. Howard said he really has to get out of there. He said she's giving him the flu just talking so much. She said that she doesn't know what she would do without him. Howard said he has to go. She wouldn't stop talking. Howard didn't hang up on her though. Howard asked if she still plays with her own vagina. She said no. Howard asked when she got laid last. She said she didn't remember. She said it was probably 8 years ago. Howard said that's bullshit. He said that it was when the Beatles were still together.
Howard asked the caller, Donna, if she still masturbates. She said she does that with water. Howard asked how she does it. She said she puts the shower pressure on her clit. Howard asked how long it takes her to get off. She said it's not long. Howard asked if she ever goes without panties. She said no to that. Howard said she doesn't want to attract flies.
Howard asked when Donna is going to quit smoking. She said she quit years ago. She said that she didn't cough until she stopped smoking. Donna said she's 70 and she doesn't take any medication. She kept saying how old she was so Howard goofed on her about that and kept asking how old she is and if she takes any medication.
Howard asked if she has a big bush. She said she doesn't have it anymore down there at that age. Howard asked who the guy was that fucked her 8 years ago. She said he was a karate expert and he had a 9 degree black belt. Howard asked her to turn her radio up so she could be more confused. He hung up on her a short time later and ended the show. They were done around 10:35am.
Gary said that Wheels was wondering why Howard was in a good mood today but he thought that he was in a bad mood. Gary said that Howard was up early in the morning to catch up on the Golden Globes and he didn't have it recorded. Jason asked if that was JD's fault. Gary said it wasn't.
Jon talked about how Gary gets blamed for a lot of things there and he seems to be upset that people think he went home to take care of his trampoline during Hurricane Sandy. Gary said he never said he was going to do that. He said that has become comedy fact. He said it never happened.
Gary talked about the flu shot thing and said he thinks that Howard should do it. He said he thinks that he eventually will. Jason asked if he thinks that he should do it because he's older or just because everyone should. Gary said that it's just because he thinks everyone should do it. Jason said he won't get it. He said he's healthy and he doesn't think he needs to get a shot and get sick for a couple of days. Gary said he wouldn't get sick. He said even if he does it's better than being sick with the flu for 3 weeks.
Jason said he doesn't think that he's at risk for getting the flu. He said that he won't die from it. He said the whole thing with the flu shot was that people were dying from it. He said he will survive if he gets the flu. Gary said he would too but he'd rather not get it.
Gary was also talking about how he was going to take JD down to H.R. to make sure he's getting his 401K and figure out how much he's putting into it. Scott DePace came in and said he doesn't work for Sirius so going to H.R. would be weird. Gary said he doesn't work for them either. Scott said he's not sure that he can legally go down there to help. Gary said it's fine. He said he won't get in trouble for that. Jason said he helped JD get signed up for health insurance at K-Rock when they were there. He said he does need a little hand holding. Jon said he's not a dumb guy though.
The guys talked about how they wanted to help JD and how he would just give them a blank stare if they said something that was over his head.
DePace was telling the guys what he was going to do and how he was going to try to help. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked Scott who is more likeable than he is. Scott said he thinks that fans would like Jon. Scott said he goes on those sties like SternFanNetwork.com and he sees the negative stuff about Jon and Jason. Jason said he's seen a lot of negative stuff about Scott too. Scott said he thinks that Jason gets more. Jon asked who is more likeable than he is. Jon said that Howard would be. Jon asked why people find him so likable. Scott said he thinks that he would get above 50 percent. He said he sees stuff about Jason where they hate him and like him.
Jason asked Mutt to look it up over at SFN to see who has more good and who has more bad. Tim Sabean came in and said that Scott is one of the nicest guys there. Gary said that Scott didn't even think about it when they brought it up during the break. He said Scott just thinks that he's better at everything. Scott said he's not going to back down to anyone. Gary said he thinks that he would beat Scott and even if it's just a little more he's going to beat him.
Jason said that he'd like to know if people even know who he is. Then you ask them who they like better. Scott said he thinks that they should talk more about Jason's pot guy. Jason said Scott dealt pot in college so he must know what they're talking about.
Jon asked the guys about what Howard was saying about gifts today. Ronnie said he thinks that he does want them. Jason said he thinks that Howard is going to get tons of gifts for Christmas next year. Gary said there is no harm in getting him something. Jason said that the harm is when you don't make much money and you kill yourself trying to find something and then Howard takes that gift and throws it in a wood chipper. They had to take another break a short time later.
Jon asked Ronnie if Scott is in or out. Ronnie said that he heard JD telling Scott that it had better not cut into his money if he comes back. Ronnie said that every venue is different and this is what Scott blew. He said he got guaranteed money every show even if they made nothing. He said someone would have to pay him this money. He said he'll get a flat rate now but it won't be the same as it was.
Jon asked Scott the Engineer about what's going on. Scott said it depends on the agreement they make. He said if it's half of what he was making then it's not going to work. He said he would need at least half if not 3/4 of what he was getting.
Gary said they have to figure out something for him to do to make it interesting. Ronnie said that they were thinking about a dunk tank. He said they'd give him all of the money he gets to do the dunk tank. Jon said he thinks that they'd pay $500 each to do the dunk tank thing.
Jon said it seems like the friction is building up again. Scott said it's really not. He said he gets why there are hard feelings but he won't apologize on air. He said he'd rather just leave that all behind and move on. He said it works both ways so he's not going to apologize if Shuli doesn't apologize for what he said about him. Scott said they asked him to do Atlantic City and he will do that and see what happens. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about Oprah Winfrey and how hard she's working all of a sudden. Howard said that she's busy doing interviews with Lance Armstrong and others. Robin said it might be the people who hired her. Howard said she got the Letterman interview and now she has Lance Armstrong talking about how he was into doping. Robin said he did admit to that. Howard said everyone goes to Oprah to confess. He said he's not sure what that's about. Howard said he has more listeners than she has viewers. Howard said they are better about having people come in and talk about things too. Howard said they're the stamp of shame wile Oprah is the stamp of approval.
Howard said he finally got to watch the Golden Globes. Howard said he thinks Tina Fey is gorgeous. Robin said she heard someone else talking about that. Howard said she's hot and she can write comedy. He said she looks good and it's hard to pull that off being that sarcastic funny girl. Robin said there are a lot of people trying to pull that off. Howard said it can take a woman down a point or two on the hotness meter when they're like that. Robin said that's like Jenny McCarthy. Howard said Whitney Cummings is hot but it takes her down a point or two. Robin said Tina is just funny and not biting. Howard said she's hot and funny. Howard said it works for her. He said she looks good.
Howard said Amy Poehler's breasts are fantastic too. He said that he never looked at her sexually but now he is. Howard said Brent Musburger is at it again. He played a clip of him talking about some chick in the audience of a game who was hot. Howard said it's working for him too. Howard said he keeps talking about hot chicks. Robin said she's not sure it's working for him. She said he keeps getting smacked in the head.
Howard said the hottest chick on the Golden Globes was Kate Hudson. Robin said she did look good. Howard said she had a baby or two and then she must have put her mind on her body. He said she looks great. Howard said she may have been working out on a treadmill at the show.
Howard said Kate Hudson may have gotten a boob job. He said she was pretty flat but now she has boobs. Howard said she has a great face and her body looks great. Howard said he thinks he could have banged her when he was single for that small amount of time. Howard said he was at a party at Rick Rubin's house and she was there. He said all she did was sit and talk to him so that means he could have gotten her. That's what it is in his head. Howard said he sat and talked to her for a long time. Howard said they hit it off too. He said they had a lot in common. He said she's a kid and he acts like someone who has had no life experience.
Howard said Kate said she was coming to New York and they could get together. Howard said she never did get a hold of him. Then she took up with Chris Robinson after that. Howard said he doesn't think they took each other's numbers though. He said he isn't sure anything would have happened though. He said she was kind of young and he had an age limit thing. He said he met one girl who he thought was 32 or 33 and he was 46. He said he was talking to her in bed and she turned out to be like 22. Howard said that was a big age difference to him. He said he stopped seeing her. He said they didn't vibe sexually. He said she was dry and he figured she was grossed out by him.
Howard said that period in his life didn't last that long. He said he needed to have someone with him all the time. Robin said he's like a girl. Howard said he is not even though he watches ''Girls'' and ''The Bachelor.''
Howard said that he's still thinking about this flu shot thing. Howard said some people tell him that the only issue he'll have is an arm that hurts for half a day. Howard said he was talking to Toni his hair dresser who told him that she'll never get that shot. Howard did an impression of her telling him why she won't do it. Howard said one guy told him that it's a conspiracy by the drug companies to pay for shit you don't need because they made too much of the vaccine.
Howard said he's not sure if he should get it. Jon told him to get it. Robin told him not to. Robin said he's already had the flu. Howard said the whole thing is a lie and something is going on. Gary told him even if he gets it the vaccine takes 2 weeks to take full effect. Howard said it's a nightmare. Howard started doing his mother's voice and what he's hearing in his head. Howard had her talking about taking the shots and going on a thyroid medication and things like that. Howard said she talked about how they had her get on that but then she quit cold turkey and they haven't said anything about her thyroid since then. Howard had his mother talking about taking the flu shot and how she suffered for 3 days. Howard said she felt strange for those 3 days. Howard said she didn't take anything to help out with that for those three days. Howard said she scares him.
Howard said his dad takes anything that his doctor tells him to. He said he'll take an aspirin a day if he's told to. Howard said he thinks he's going to start doing that. Howard said he saw this doctor on FOX News who was saying that the best thing you can do to prevent cancer is aspirin. Howard said that this guy, Dr. Agus (The End of Illness), was talking about how aspirin is like a miracle drug. Howard said it prevents strokes and heart attacks and now maybe cancer. Howard said his mother takes aspirin but he still can't get her voice out of his head. Howard said she tells him not to run and he's afraid to do anything. Howard said he's afraid of this flu shot now because of that.
Robin told Howard not to take the flu shot. Howard said Beth wants to get it so she's going to the dentist to get it. They have the shot at the dentist office. Howard said Beth will take anything. He said she's not neurotic like he is. He said she can't believe how fucked up he is. He said she says that there is no guy in the world like him. Howard said if you want an original he's the one.
Howard said there are a bunch of people who think the world revolves around them and it really doesn't. Howard asked what he was talking about when he said he had to kill people to get to where he is. Hanzi said what he means by that is that when you get successful you have to do a lot of propaganda and talk about countries that killed a lot of people. He said he didn't mean that Howard killed people.
Hanzi said that cowards from Howard's generation knew what they were doing and they just blame the new generation. Howard asked if he's on his medication. Hanzi said he is. He said he's just speaking the truth. Howard said this is crazy talk and it's his own truth and not anyone else's truth. Hanzi said Howard just chooses not to take it as the truth. Howard said this guy is tortured. Hanzi said that he takes people who have shitty lives and makes them stars. He said he'll bring them back down to earth if they become too big. Howard asked who he did that to. Hanzi said it's everyone. Hanzi brought up Stuttering John and how he left the show and how he treated him after he left. Howard said he was in touch with John after he left the show but then John bad mouthed him in the press and he said he didn't want to deal with him.
Hanzi said when Jackie left the show he wasn't able to get a job anywhere. Howard said he has no control over that. Howard said people are sickened by him in show business so he can't control Jackie getting a job. Howard said he has no control over that. Hanzi said he has enough connections in the world to do that. Howard laughed that off.
Howard said the sad reality in his life is that he's a guy from Long Island who grew up with nothing. Howard said he went out and made a career in radio and worked really hard at it. Howard said you can apply this to anything. He said he would try to assemble the best crew he could and he'd argue and fight to make this work. Howard said people started listening to the show and they enjoyed his style of broadcasting. Howard said he never had a connection in show business in his life. Howard said he was so unconnected. Howard said there is no secret to getting into show business. Hanzi said it's rigged. Howard said it wasn't rigged for him.
Hanzi said that there are certain people in this world who are able to get into things. Howard said he didn't do that. Howard said he got a job for 96 bucks a week and he worked his ass off. He said that's the secret. Hanzi said working hard doesn't get you anywhere. He said he has defended Howard and it's gotten him nowhere. Howard asked what he thinks he should be doing. Hanzi started to mention the other Wack Packers but Howard cut him off and explained how he had to work his way up in the world. He was a dish washer and he met a lot of great people. He said when he left his job they had to make an evaluation. He said the guy said he was the best dish washer he ever had. Howard said he could have gotten into restaurant and hotel management and been great at that. Howard said he thought about doing that at one point. He said he's a hard worker and a pretty bright guy. He said he can read people and what they want. Howard said Hanzi wants to sit at home and have people do things for him. Howard said Hanzi blames him for that and blames the world. He said he has a horrible attitude.
Hanzi said that Howard can't reveal that he sold his soul. Howard said if he could have he would have. He said that you can't do that. Howard said he just knows how to get things done. He said there is no secret. Hanzi said there is a secret and he wouldn't admit it if there was a secret society. Howard said there is no secret society. Hanzi said there is. Howard said he has to get some help. He said he's mentally ill. Howard asked if he tells his parents that he wants to get into some secret society. Howard said if there is one he's not privy to it. He said he's never seen a secret society.
Hanzi said that this is all predetermined. Howard asked if he's high. Hanzi said he's actually not. Howard said he knows this is part of his illness. Howard said he wishes he could take him back in time and show him how horrible his life was. Hanzi said this isn't just about him. He said it's about everyone.
Howard said he's going to do this now so fuck it. He said he has the president of the secret society on the phone. Howard picked up and had Sal telling him that he's on to them. Sal said that he's figured it out and now he knows. He told Howard he needs to clean this up. Howard thanked the guy for letting him be part of the secret society. Sal told Howard that he's already made a mess out of this with the fucked up fatso from Canada.
Hanzi told him to go on. Howard said that he's going to be thrown out of the secret society now. Hanzi said ''whatever.'' Howard said he's going to get kicked out because of Hanzi. Hanzi said Howard is protected and he won't be thrown out.
Robin asked Hanzi about what he expected to get from defending the show. Hanzi said in 2008 they got Benjy to call him to be an intern for the show. Benjy said he has talked to Hanzi but he doesn't remember what it was about. Howard asked if he was making a phony phone call. Benjy doesn't think it was about that. Howard said he's not sure why he'd want him as an intern. Howard said it might be great to have him there rattling on.
Benjy said he likes Hanzi. Hanzi said he's sure Howard told him to like him. Howard said he doesn't even talk to Benjy. Benjy said he never does. He said this is the most they've talked in forever. Benjy asked Hanzi how Howard could prove that he's not part of this whole thing.
Hanzi said Howard has done a lot of things like jerking off into coffins. Howard said he has never done that. Hanzi said he knows where all of this goes down. Howard asked where they jerk off into coffins. Hanzi said he doesn't know. Howard said that maybe he'll bring Hanzi into the Illuminati and show him where they do that.
Hanzi said Howard knows that he'd be good at doing stuff for the show but he won't bring him in. Howard said Hanzi wants Eric the Actor's job. Hanzi said he doesn't. Howard said he has a job for Eric and he wondered id Hanzi wanted it. Hanzi said he doesn't want it. He said that Eric deserves it. Howard said it's on the Bold and the Beautiful. Howard told Hanzi he had to go. He told him to say goodbye. Hanzi didn't do it so Howard hung up on him. They played a Pink Floyd song where they had clips of Hanzi freaking out.
Howard said they have Bobo on the phone and he's got to tell Robin something. Howard said Bobo left a voice mail for them. He said it's better than Hanzi's. Howard said he explains why he thinks he tested low on the IQ test. Howard said he was attacked by crows when he was young. Howard played the voice mail and Bobo explained that when he was about 8 years old he was on the beach with his mom and for no apparent reason he had a swarm of black crows swoop down over him and they started pecking him on his head. He said they drew blood. Howard said that might be why he lost his hair. Bobo explained how traumatic it was in his life and how that ''might have did something'' to him. Bobo said he was out with his son and there were seagull's out there and they were coming close to him so he got kind of nervous. He said he didn't mention that to his kid.
Howard asked Bobo how that lowered his IQ. Bobo said that it was traumatic to him. He said he had a lot of blood coming from his head. Howard said maybe they pecked out the part of him that makes him smart. Bobo said it was very weird that the birds picked him out of everyone on the beach. He said they just kept coming too.
Robin asked if this really happened. Bobo said he'll take a lie detector test. Howard asked if his head looked like that toupee he has. Bobo said it did. Howard said maybe they thought it was a nest.
Howard got back to the game and said that Bobo is quite a celebrity on the show. Howard said he has a 50/50 chance on these questions. He said he's playing for the best 3 out of 5. Howard got to the game where they ask George to pick one thing or another. They asked if he would rather have sex with Leonard Nimoy or Scotty from Star Trek. Howard told Bobo he has to say what George's answer will be. Bobo went with Scotty. George's answer was Jimmy Doohan which was Scotty. George said he was young and vigorous.
Howard played the next question which was if he would have sex with Hitler or Osama bin Laden. Howard went back and forth himself. Howard asked Bobo what he thinks. Bobo went with Osama bin Laden. George's answer was Osama bin Laden because the numbers are less but they're both despicable. Howard said Bobo is thinking like a gay Asian man now.
Howard played the next question which was Do you prefer a big penis or a big paycheck? Bobo said that should be a slam dunk with big penis. Howard had Fred lock him in on that. Howard played George's answer which was big penis. Bobo was right again so he won the $500.
Howard said Bobo's not so stupid after all. Howard told him he won and got in a plug for Anger Management. Bobo said before he goes he wants to say something. Howard said he has two more questions. The first one was Star Wars or Lord of the Rings. George went with Lord of the Rings. They asked if he liked boxers or briefs and George said briefs.
Bobo said he was reading the NY Post today and they have a new app out called Bobo and he was wondering if Jon or Gary had heard about it. Howard asked who gives a fuck. Howard said maybe the prize will keep him off the air for a few days. Howard let him go and wrapped up the game. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and asked how much time was left on the song. Fred said they had about 23 seconds. Howard said he likes this song. He sang along with it for a few seconds.
Howard said Fred got him a drum box as a gift and he was watching an instructional video about it and it's not that easy to master. Howard said he needs something easier to play. Fred said he doesn't have to play it like those guys. Howard said this guy who was playing it was moving his foot up and down on it. He said you don't have to bang it that hard. Howard said that he was doing the foot thing on it and it does make a difference. Robin wasn't hearing it. Howard said he wasn't either. Howard said watching that guy fucked him up. He played for a short time and said he wants to jam now that he has an instrument to play.
Robin asked if he'll play one song and stick to a rhythm. Howard said he's not sure he can. Fred played ''Gangnam Style'' for him so he could play to that. Howard was keeping up with that song for a short time. Howard said he's great at this. He said the tricky part was coming. He said the crows are coming to peck his head. He said his hands hurt after playing that Cajon. Robin asked where he got that thing. Fred said he got it at Guitar Center.
Howard said he got some more gifts for his birthday. Howard said his friend sent him some running socks. Howard said they're like half socks that are very feminine. Howard said he has to write some thank-you notes. Howard said Scott DePace is the worst gift giver. He said he would always get him something electronic that was horrible. Howard said he got a picture frame that was electronic and it was awful. He said it looks really tacky. Scott said everyone in America has one of those. Gary said he has one in his office. He said he doesn't have one at home. Fred doesn't either.
Howard said Scott DePace went to Gary and told him to get him a toy helicopter to fly around. Howard said he wouldn't want anything like that. Gary said they fly these things around in the malls. He said they almost always hit you in the head with them. He said it's a juvenile toy.
Scott came in and said that Howard doesn't like anything he gets. Howard said Gary gave him a battery for his speed flash for his camera. Gary said that was his third choice. He said he had a painting and an antique radio he was going to get him. Howard said paintings are very personal. Scott said Jimmy Kimmel got Howard a picture. Howard said that picture was horrible. He said that it was a portrait of him and he thinks he looks awful in it.
Howard said this helicopter gift was a horrible idea. Scott said he knew he'd hate it but they're fun to play with. Howard asked if he plays with them at home. Scott said you fly them with your iPad or iPhoen. He said they're fun to play with. He said his 11 year old son loves playing with it. Scott said it has a camera in it too.
Gary said he told Scott that Howard would hate that. Scott didn't think he would. Howard said he must play with it for like 2 minutes. Howard said he's seeing it through his son's eyes. Scott said it has a camera in it and the video is fun to watch. He said it's a lot of fun.
Howard said Gary didn't get that for him. He said Scott is the guy who plays video games and stuff. Howard said you know kids are going to use that helicopter to spy on girls in their bedrooms and stuff. Howard said that's the way it always goes. Scott said the girls would see it out there though.
Howard said Gary decided not to get the helicopter for him. Gary said Scott was playing with the thing the other night. Scott said he has the professional version of it and it's a $500 thing. Gary said the battery caught on fire and lit the carpet in the house on fire so he had to call the fire department to come to his house. Scott said he had to run into the house and put the fire out because the fire alarms were going off. Scott said this was the professional version of the helicopter. Gary asked if he put it together wrong. Scott said that it was charging in the house and the battery was on a charger on the carpet. He said that it must have gotten too hot and it blew up. He said he wasn't flying it.
Scott said they had to cut into the carpet to make sure there was no fire under the carpet. He said the room smells bad but it's just his office. He said he has to get new carpet in there now. Scott said he was kind of embarrassed to tell the guy what caused the fire. Howard thanked him for the story and thanked Gary for not getting him one of those things.
The caller, Big Z, said that Jon Leiberman's show was good last night. He said that was Leiberman Live at 5. The caller said that it was pretty good with High Pitch Eric coming in and giving serious opinions.
Howard said Shuli did a show with a guy by the name of Dr. Fish. Howard said they had a guy call in about yeast on his cock and the doctor told him that it would just go away. Howard said another guy had blood coming out of his penis so the doctor told him to go to the hospital right now. Howard said Shuli was trying to make jokes during the show. He said that it was good though.
Howard said they have to get the Hanzi show going. Howard said they might have to do an ISDN line from his house to do the show. Howard asked if Tim thinks that's a good idea. Gary said Tim is there but he's not sure where he is.
Tim came in and said they would probably need to bring Hanzi there. Howard asked if they want that responsibility. Tim said they've done it before. Gary asked if they should talk about the Tim list of things they want to talk about. Howard said he would like to hear that.
Gary said Tim is on his diet and he was in the newspaper last week. Tim said he's detoxing and he's doing that with Tim Woodson from the Knicks.
Howard said he is the thinnest guy Tim knows and he's been thin for a really long time. Howard asked how he thinks he keeps the weight off. Tim said he eats right and runs. Howard said he just cut down his intake. Tim said once he gets the weight off he'll be fine. Howard said Tim is going to be miserable and he goes off the diet and he'll put it right back on. He said he'll be fatter than he is right now. Tim said he's going to lose the weight and then go on Howard's eating regimen. Howard said if he just eats right he'll lose the weight. Howard said he doesn't have to do this diet he's on.
Howard said Tim could eat normal food if he wanted to. Howard said he eats an egg white sandwich in the morning and has a baked potato with salmon for lunch. Howard said it's easy. He said that last night he had a salad with shrimp and avocado. Howard said he can have pasta too. He said he's done after that. Tim said he feels great on this diet. Tim said he was busy last year and he put on the weight. Howard said he just goes in and eats like a Chazzer.
Tim asked what else he has on his list. Gary said that Betty White was up there a few weeks ago. Howard said they had her up there for a Town Hall thing. Gary said he saw her and she's really frail. He said he was told that Tim went out and hugged her with that big hug he gives. Tim said she looked at him and hugged him. Tim said she approached him. Tim said he'd never met her in his life. Tim said people just live him. Gary said she can barely move.
Howard said that Tim is over enthusiastic. Howard said Tim asked Quentin Tarantino who writes his movies. Howard said he didn't know that he writes his own movies. Tim said he does too. Howard said he doesn't.
Howard said he has some audio of Tim talking to Quentin. In the clip Tim asked who writes the scripts and Quentin told him that he writes them. Robin said that was no joke. Tim asked where he finds the scripts.
Gary said they asked Tim if he'd be hypnotized to remember what happened when he shit the wall. Tim said no way. Gary said they asked him if he would do a staff spelling bee and he said he'd rather get hypnotized. Howard asked who would be in the spelling bee. Gary said it would be Steve Brandano and Ronnie. Tim said he doesn't want to do it. Howard said he should do it.
Howard said Tim has bad OCD too. Gary said that he says things 3 times a lot. Tim said he wants to make sure they hear him. He said he likes things neat and organized. He said the guest rooms are clean and the halls are clean. Howard asked if he can leave the pillow alone on the couch. Tim said he can. He touched it anyway. Howard asked him to spell patience. Tim tried and spelled it correctly. Howard said he could beat Ronnie in the spelling bee. Howard asked him to spell Whirlwind. Tim spelled it without the L. Tim was messing with the pillow on the couch. Howard said he does have OCD. Tim said he knows he has it a little bit. Howard told Tim to get out of there.
Howard said he didn't know anything about Detroit but there was this guy Arthur Penhollow who had a really deep voice and he'd say ''Baby'' all the time. Howard said that's all he was known for though. He said that's the only thing he would do. Howard said it's kind of like Cousin Brucie with his '''Eee'' sound. Howard said that he tried to do ''Rabies'' like Arthur's ''Baby'' but that didn't work.
Howard thanked the guy for calling in. He said that he wanted to bring Fred to Detroit but he couldn't do it. He said he would have him call in once in a while to do his Howard Cossell impression.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Howard does the Yiddish things and he does the same with Italian. Howard said it's funny to hear Beth talking Yiddish.
The caller said that Tim meets all of these people and they must know that he's the one who shit all over the place. The caller also asked if talking to the audience helps him with therapy. Howard said it's different. Howard said in therapy nothing is a joke. Howard said he used to laugh in therapy but the guy would look at him like it wasn't funny. He said he learned to have a conversation with a man in therapy. Howard said it's where he's taken seriously.
The caller said they love him so much. Howard said he thinks that therapy has helped. He said he's more there when he visits Robin. The caller said he is better and he wouldn't have friends like Jimmy Kimmel 15 years ago.
The caller said that he remembers when Howard was picked up by a disco station. He said that they were talking about crazy stuff on the show and then they'd play him talking about shit. The caller told Robin and Fred how much he likes them too. Howard told him he really has to go. He thanked the guy for calling in. The guy wished him a happy birthday.
Howard took a call from a guy who said last week's shows were the funniest he's heard in a long time. He said they were amazing. He said he listened to Jim Breuer and the other guys like 5 times. He said it was so funny. He said they had him cracking up while they were ripping on JD too. He said it was great. Howard told him not to tell him that because he'll just take a month off and play those three shows.
Howard said he has another caller from Detroit on the phone. That previous caller was from Detroit too. The caller asked if he has any Jewish pals there in Detroit. Howard said he doesn't. The guy told him where the wealthy Jews live there in the area. Howard said when he lived there he wasn't introduced to any wealthy Jews. Howard said he didn't have any money himself when he was there. The caller said that he'd like him to come visit. He said they'll show him a good time.
Howard said his parents used to come visit him in Detroit. He said they went to a steak place where they put your name on the match box. He said he was making like $29,000 a year at the time and that was big money for him. He said he called the restaurant and had them make the matches up for his parents. He said his mother said ''It was nice'' but then she'd say that the food in New York can't be beat. He did an impression of her telling him how good the food is in New York.
Howard said he got Chinese take out once and his mother didn't like that either. Howard said she told him that it's much better in New York. Howard said it was like his favorite Chinese restaurant and it ruined it for him. Howard said they had really good food but she put a question in his mind about it.
Howard said they had a Italian delivery place that he would order from. He said he could get spaghetti in a bucket. Howard said his wife was with him at the time. He said he would stay in his hotel room all the time. He said he hated leaving so he'd order in all the time. Howard said radio was tough back then. He said that's why he was fat back then. He said he wouldn't dare let his mother taste the spaghetti. He said that his doodies weighed like 50 pounds. He said he's tortured by all of that stuff with his mother.
Howard said he was mad at his staff about not taping the Golden Globes. He said after watching them he gave some people a raise for not taping it.
Howard said that Tina Fey looked good but Kristin Wiig looked really sexy. Howard said she was showing her stomach and every dress should be like that. Robin said a lot of women were doing that peek-a-boo thing with the open backs and fronts. Howard said they should all do that.
Howard said he talked enough about the Jodie Foster thing. Robin said she went back and watched that 3 times and she's still not sure what she said. Howard said if she wants privacy she should move to Montana and get out of show business. Howard said J-Lo looked good too. Howard said Jessica Alba looks good too. Howard said there's this web site where they have pictures of her ass in bikinis and she's got a great ass. Howard said they do zero air brushing. Howard said she's got an ass like ''oh my god.'' Howard said he was imagining her in a bikini when she came on. Howard said he has to take a break. He said they have Tom Arnold coming in. He said he hasn't spoken to him in a while. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he thinks that he looks younger than his age. He said he clearly doesn't though. He said one newscaster asked the others how old they thought he was. one woman said 60. Another said 58 so they were right on. Howard said he looks exactly how old he is. He said he's in shock over that. He said he thought he was more youthful looking. Howard said these people don't know but they guessed his age. Howard said he feels like he's 90. Howard said he thinks that 59 is the new 90. Howard said he feels like shit. Howard said 59 is the new dead. Howard said his dad was retired by 58.
Howard said Tom Arnold is there and he's so fucking honest. Howard said last time he was on he was brutally honest. He said the guy is crazy. Tom came in and Howard said he makes him laugh the way he walks in. Howard asked if that's intentional. Tom said it might be subconsciously. He said that he walks in kind of in a daze. Howard said he always has something going on in his life.
Tom said Howard doesn't look old. Howard asked Tom if he does plastic surgery. Tom said he's 53 now and he's having a baby. Howard said he tried in vitro fertilization a bunch of times. Tom said it was like 21 times. He said they shoot the woman up with hormones and pull out her eggs and then they take your sperm and put that into an egg and let it ferment for 3-5 days and put it in her to see what happens.
Howard asked Tom if he tried having a kid with Roseanne. He said they did try but nothing took. Tom said God didn't want that to happen. He said it's a miracle. Howard said he would have been tied to her forever if he had gotten her knocked up.
Howard said Tom tried to get his next wife knocked up too. Tom said that he found her shooting the hormones into the toilet. He said she was young so he doesn't blame her for that. Tom said his third wife tried getting pregnant too. Tom said that the weight gain thing bothers women. He said that he'd tell them that he had been with fatter women than them and that bothers them too. Howard said he could say he was with Roseanne but they take that as an insult.
Howard said Tom got married to this fourth wife and she got pregnant but she had a miscarriage. Tom said she's had 2 or 3. He said that she really wanted to do this though so they keep trying. Tom said they tried three times and it was devastating. Tom said that some friends offered to give sperm. He said that Dax Sheppard offered it. He said that they went to a sperm bank too. Howard said what Tom is saying is that Dax is a very giving guy. Howard said he knows he's in his movie but he didn't know they were that close. Howard said Tom is obviously the problem with the weak sperm and Dax offered to give him his sperm. Tom said he's a serious and thoughtful man. Tom said he's very kind. Tom said he was up for that and he's a good looking dude. He said he was up for it but Ashley wanted to try one more time with him. That worked and she got pregnant again.
Howard said that his wife thinks Tom's wife is great. Tom said they think the same of Beth. Howard said that his mother would put it into his mind that he should just adopt if he was having problems getting his wife pregnant. Howard asked if he's having sex with her during the pregnancy. Tom said of course he is. He said that he told her that he'd have sex with her any time of night or day. He said it does become harder though. He said that he'll ask how she's feeling and she'll say she threw up in her mouth and that kind of ruins it.
Howard said now he'll fuck his wife and get her pregnant without even trying. Tom said he went without drinking diet Coke for a year to do this for her. He said that he got acupuncture and the miracle happened. Tom said his testicles didn't descend when he was young so he fried his balls. Tom said that they could do one more procedure for him. He said the doctor told him that they would cut a hole in his scrotum and pull the testicle out to take the sperm out. He said that he didn't think that would work but that's what they did and that's what worked. He said that he had to have surgery so he was on drugs for that one day and it felt good.
Howard asked Tom about his balls and said that he would like to see them. Tom said he has to work with them for a second to get them out. Howard asked if he ever had to tell his wife that she might not see his balls when he's banging her. Tom said you don't really see them when you have an erection.
Tom said that his balls eventually came down when he was older. He said his dad used to check them to make sure they came down. Howard asked what he was going to do if they didn't descend. Tom said he would have had to have surgery.
Tom said he has three balls. He said one of them is a growth that's not cancerous. He said it's a giant mass that's right in the middle.
Howard asked if Tom's molester ever noticed the ball thing. Tom said that he kept molesting him so he didn't care if he did found it. He said he thinks that the molester didn't have balls either.
Howard said after Tom was there last time he figured he'd be all over the papers. Howard said he was close with Arnold and he described what was going on with Arnold and the housekeeper. Howard said Tom noticed the kid looked like Arnold and told him he should get a DNA test. Howard said Tom described all of that on the show. Tom said that was probably a bad idea. Howard said Arnold must have come down on him for talking about it. Tom said that Arnold wrote a book and he describes all of that in there. He said it really wasn't a big deal for him. He said in the context of his book it's not that big of a thing.
Tom said that Howard Stern is the only one who doesn't have a chapter with shit in it. Howard asked Tom what happened when he got out of the show. Tom said he wondered what the fuck he had said. He said when you're in there you think that you're just having a private conversation. Tom said he did some other shows there and they all listen to Howard so they ask the same questions. He said he didn't answer any of them on those other shows.
Tom said he got home and his wife told him to call Arnold and Maria. He said he didn't want to call and he knew he had done wrong. He said he knew he was an asshole. Howard asked what he really did wrong. Tom said he was wrong for talking about Arnold and his family. Robin said Arnold should have thought of that before he did what he did.
Tom said that he apologized to Maria for what he did. He said that he had to tell her what he did and how he fucked up. He said the conversation was the right amount of time. He said it might have been 3 minutes. Howard did his female voice and had that conversation with Tom. Tom said he learned a good lesson from all of that.
Robin asked what it was like with Arnold. Tom said that he waited a little while to talk to him. He said he loves Arnold and Maria. He said he put off the call for a while. He said he called Arnold and Arnold asked what was going on. He said he knew from his voice that something was up. He said he knew and he had hurt his feelings. He said he had tested their friendship. He said he told Arnold what he did on Howard Stern and what went down. He said Arnold said he forgives him. Tom said that his 65th birthday party was the Saturday after he did this show. He said he thought he was going to lose them but he went to the party. Tom said that Arnold told him to take the microphone and tell some jokes to keep people from making speeches. He said he didn't do that because he didn't want to be inappropriate. He said they had a mariachi band there and he was going to make a joke about how his new in-laws were there.
Tom told Howard that Arnold had a party at Christmas and he said he had a surprise there. He said he had a ton of animals there and the waitresses had kangaroos in their pouches on their aprons. Tom said they were all adopted from circuses and he supports all of that. Tom said Arnold said he had a big surprise coming in. It turns out it was a Bengal tiger and there were like 100 people gathered around smoking in the tiger's face. He said that the thing could have attacked them but they had it on drugs or something. He said Arnold asked the guy to get the tiger into the pool because that would be funny. Tom said the animal had a problem in the water so it wasn't able to swim very well. He said it all worked out and the thing was fine.
Howard said it must be great being his friend. He said that these parties sound off the hook. Howard said that's some Christmas party. Tom said that things have turned around. He said that Arnold does love himself and he has pictures of himself hanging up around the house.
Howard said it must be the greatest thing to have friends like that after going through what he went through as a kid. Howard said he's at Arnold Schwarzenegger's house with a tiger. Howard said he must have bigger celebrities there too. Tom said he worked at Hormel in a meat packing plant. He said he knew about Arnold back then and 10 years later he was buddies with the guy. He said it doesn't make any sense to him. He said he used to dream about being best friends with Robin Williams. He said that 10 years later he was in a movie with the guy. He said it was exactly like a dream he had when he was younger.
Howard asked Tom about doing the Roseanne Roast and how that went. Howard said that he told him he thought it would be great if he did it. Tom said that stuck with him. Howard said he heard Tom's wife said something to him about not having any self esteem. Tom said that you have to forget some of the shit that she said about him in the past. He said that the producer reached out and asked if he would do it before they spoke to Roseanne. Tom said he had to clear it with his wife before he could do it. He said he has to prepare for this so he had to know ahead of time. Tom said he got a call saying that Roseanne wanted to talk to him and it was the first time that he had spoken to her in 18 years. He said the last time they spoke was on Howard's show in a horrible phone call. Howard said she was accusing him of taking a shoe box full of 2 million dollars in money. Tom said Howard asked if she could even put 2 million in a shoe box.
Tom said that he spoke to Roseanne's people and they told him not to say anything to her but he thought that would be weird. He said that he agreed to do the show and he had to talk to his wife and his publicist. He said that Ashley was like 12 when the Tom and Roseanne thing went down. He said that he thought about not doing the show but he figured he'd regret it if he didn't. He said the big people from New York started calling and he had to do it. He said he was really nervous about doing the roast. He said they just wanted Roseanne to say one nice thing about him in the roast. He said they just wanted her to know that he was coming so they put that in the contract.
Tom said they had to look into the restraining order thing and anything like that. He said he can just imagine walking in there and getting arrested. Tom said he was worried about that. He said one time he was doing a show on the set near where Roseanne was working and he read some of the jokes that they had written for him and they were Roseanne's writers. He said that he was working with kids and he didn't want anything to do with that. He said they sent a P.A. with new script pages right into the show. He said people would fuck with him on the set there so he had to put a stop to that.
Howard said it sounds like it was like negotiating a pre-nup doing the roast thing. Tom said he started writing the jokes the night before and they all came very easy. He said he had probably known them for 18 years. Howard said he loved some of his jokes about her. Tom said he did say something nice about her. He said that he thought about what was fun with her and then thought 25-30 years back when they first met. Howard said that he said she was his Johnny Carson. Tom said she really was like that to him. He said he had practiced the jokes with his wife and family. He said he felt something for her when he said that during the roast. Howard said it was very sincere. Howard said Tom heard her laughing it made him remember the good things. Howard asked if she looked like the person he had demonized. Tom said she looked nice. Tom said he saw some of the comedians and Roseanne was commenting while they were joking. He said he didn't know what to do at the end so he had an awkward hug with her. He said that he was afraid she was going to sue him over that. Tom said he was so received that it went well. He said that she ran back and thanked him for doing it and said she was glad he did it. Tom said she wanted a picture with him. He said she had to pee first and he got the fuck out of there when she ran off to the bathroom. Tom said it turns out she just wanted to go look in the mirror. Tom said she wrote him a text asking why he left. He said he thought she was too busy so he got out of there.
Tom said she wrote a few nice things to him after the roast. He said that her son asked how it was possible that he was married to her because Tom Arnold only marries hot chicks. Tom said that they could have shared some funny moments with each other from the past 18 years but he didn't want to get into that.
Howard said you have to see Tom hosting My Big Redneck Vacation on CMT. Tom said this is their third season. He said that it's about the Clampetts who travel around America. He said that they go to all kinds of things around the world. He said he hosts the show. Tom said they went to London last year. Howard said it sounds interesting. Tom said it's great for everyone. He said you learn a lot. He said that their real name is Clampett and they may have been chosen for their name. He said they're a great family.
Howard asked if that show Honey Boo Boo bothers him. Tom said he has seen it but he hates to criticize. Howard said he hated it. He said that the poor kid is fat and the family is fat. He said people thought he would love the show but he felt bad for the kid.
Howard said Tom is going to be at the Pittsburgh Improv too. Howard asked how doing comedy is going. Tom said he likes it. He said when you're doing comedy you can't think about anything else.
Howard said that Tom's aunt lost money in the Bernie Madoff scandal. Tom said she probably could have retired but now she has to work. He said that a lot of people got fucked over.
Howard asked Tom about hanging out with Mel Gibson and what that's like. Tom said he had a great time hanging out with him. He said that Mel and Vince Neil were hanging out and he thinks they went out and had a really great time.
Howard said he thought it was very weird when he saw Mel hanging out with Jodie Foster. Howard said the guy looks nuts with his eyes bugging out of his head. Tom said he watched Jodie's speech twice. He said he loved it. Howard said it didn't make sense to him. Tom said she was very prepared. Howard asked if she really was. Tom said he thought she was. He said that was a performance and she knew exactly what she was doing. He thought it was great. Howard said if she wants privacy she should move to where Tom grew up.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was pretending to be Roseanne for a few seconds. Howard hung up on him and took some more calls.
Howard talked to Tom about John Travolta and some jokes he's made about him. Tom said he's star struck when he's around John.
Howard said he has a lot of callers on the line for him but he knows he has to get going. Howard said Tom could talk about Arnold all day if he didn't have people telling Arnold that he was talking about him. Tom said it's awkward due to those fuckers. Howard said that people on Twitter will tell his wife what he's saying too.
Howard said they should sum up what happened. Howard said Tom is so fired up that he's afraid that he's going to have a heart attack. Tom said that his wife wants to create a college fund for his kid. He said that he'll be dead about the time the kid is going to college and the life insurance will pay for it. He said his wife started weeping when he brought that up.
Howard said he must be exhausted from being so hyper. Tom said he feels great right now but he's afraid that someone will tell someone something he said. Howard said he knows he'll get a call about what he said about Arnold and the tiger story. Howard gave Tom some plugs for his show on CMT and for his stand-up gig in Pittsburgh. Howard said Beth is from Pittsburgh. Howard said that you can find out more at Pittsburgh.Improv.com
Howard said he would love to see Tom on a reality show. Tom said they have talked about it but he's afraid that it will ruin things. Tom said that people would love to see Kimmel's party on a reality show too but all of those people would hate you for putting it on the air. Tom said that he feels good for Jimmy and his TV show. He said he's a good guy.
Howard said Tom had a good show there today. He said he has to calm down though. He tried to calm him down. Tom said that he has to go back to his hotel and take a shower. He said he took one before the show but he has to take another one.
Robin asked if Tom is doing the classes and if he's going to be in on it with the birth. Tom said that Dax and Kristin are having a kid too so they may have to do something with them.
Howard said he wanted to give Tom some time to decompress. He wondered if Tom could stay quiet for a minute. They played a relaxation tape but Tom was still wound up. Howard wrapped up and ended the interview a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Oprah was all about that Lance Armstrong interview. Howard said he heard her on Charlie Rose promoting her show since no one knows how to get that channel of her's. Howard said she's crowing about that interview she got. Howard said she's working harder now than she was when she had her other show. Howard said Letterman is opening up about his affair and Lance Armstrong is opening up about his doping. Howard said he's not sure why people open up to her.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Tom was great on the show today. Howard said that he's very open on the show and he likes that. Howard said people are very uptight about that kind of thing though. The caller also said ''Free Big Foot.'' Howard said he's not sure about that. He may have attacked a police officer with a sword. Howard said the guy has mental issues. Howard played a clip they put together of Big Foot getting tazered.
Howard said that their theme song that he and Rob Zombie did (The Great American Nightmare) was covered by an Opera singer. Howard played some of that. Robin got a laugh out of that.
Howard said he has an update on the McDonald's hamburger they had in the office. Howard said a year ago they put one on Jason's desk. He said the thing doesn't smell, it doesn't look different and there are no maggots or anything. Gary brought it into the studio. Howard said it's a one year anniversary of this thing. Howard said it didn't even mold over.
Gary said the bread is as hard as a rock. He said the cheese is still yellow but hard. He said there's a piece of meat in there and it's been unrefrigerated for a year. He said that it smells more like bread than meat. Howard said that's something. Gary said they said in the article that you could probably eat this and not get sick. Howard said this is God's miracle. Robin said it is not. Howard said it's like the oil in the lantern that lasted 8 days. Howard said this is just like that. Howard said it's a new religion that they're going to follow. Gary said the meat is hard too. He said that's the only reason you couldn't eat this.
Jason said that there was a point about 3 months in that he was thinking about throwing it in the microwave and eating it. He said they had something over it but it wasn't air tight.
Howard said he read about a guy who was running for governor who went to an animal shelter and adopted a hard luck dog. Howard said after the campaign a reporter asked what happened to the dog. Howard said the press people told them not to ask about it. Howard said it turns out he returned the dog. Gary said they said that the dog was barking and difficult to deal with. Howard said no one really wanted the dog. Gary said the reporter said it sounds like they just picked out the most photogenic dog for the campaign and then returned it.
Howard read some of the article and said the guy is a dick. Howard said the family had another dog but they returned the adopted one. Howard said that they could have found another family for the dog instead of returning it to the pound.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he loves the show. He asked if there are any plans for Howard to stay on Sirius with his Best Of and stuff. Howard said he's not sure what his future is going to be. He said over the next 3 years he has some stuff in mind. He said that he never stops thinking about this show. He said they're having a big meeting soon about what they can do over the next 3 years. Howard said they have the greatest radio staff in the country and they will deliver for the next 3 years. Howard said he's going to say that things are good and they will get great. Howard said at the end of the 3 years they're going to look at things and figure out what to do from there.
Howard said he's doing America's Got Talent going too. He said he has a few other things he wants to do in his professional life. The caller asked if he's at a ''noine (9)'' in his career. Howard said he is at a noine.
Robin read about how Robert Pattinson at a party and how he was surrounded by security. Howard said he reads those stories and he's so glad he's able to stay in New York and not have to do that kind of thing. He got on his knees and thanked God for giving him that.
Howard said he has some corduroy pants on today. He said he could start a fire with those things between his legs. Howard said they're John Varvatos pants. He rubbed them together so everyone could hear.
Robin said that pubic crabs have been on the decline thanks to the Brazilian wax. Robin said that they say that a lot of women of college age are removing most of the hair down there. Howard said he thinks he would watch a porn of a woman getting a bikini wax. He said he digs the idea of a woman on all fours getting waxed. Robin said they say that crabs are rarely seen these days. Howard said he's never had any of those things. He said that chicks had huge bush when he was 16. Howard said he thinks there were tigers and snakes in those bushes when he was younger.
Howard said he read that Clarence Thomas hasn't spoken in open court in 7 years. Howard said he thinks Fred has been the same way. Howard said hi to Fred to see if he would speak. Fred did say hello back to him.
Robin said they tried to do a study about men who watch porn and don't watch porn. She said they weren't able to find a group that hadn't seen porn. Howard said he thinks that porn is a good influence. He said that's like a training film. He said no one in his family explained anything to him. He said even when he went to college he didn't really know what to do there. He said Dr. Lou gave him some good advice. Robin said that the study about porn found that single men spend about 40 minutes a week with porn while married men spend about 20 minutes. Howard said he likes to be with his wife so he tries to save it for her. Howard said his marriage would be doomed if he masturbated all the time. Howard went into a live commercial and then went to break after that.
After the break, around 9:55am, Howard came back and said that Justin Timberlake put out a new song. Howard said he listened to it twice and he's not picking on the guy but he didn't like it that much. Howard said he bought his last album and worked out to it. Robin didn't know that. Howard said he talked about it on the air. Robin said she may have erased it from her memory because she wants to have respect for Howard. Howard said he played it for JD and JD said he couldn't wait to fuck a girl to the song. Howard said JD didn't like it either. Howard played some of the song and told Robin to give her opinion. Howard said he didn't even want to pick up his Cajon to play along to it. Robin was reading the paper and not paying attention. Robin said that's how quickly she lost interest. Howard said the song changes now. It picked up pace a little. Robin said she could listen to that at a party or something. Robin said she stays away from parties to avoid it though. Howard played his opening theme song that was recreated as an opera song.
Robin got back to her news and said that the new West of Memphis soundtrack is coming out. Howard said Natalie Maines is on that album. Robin had some of her version of ''Mother'' from the album. She had another one where Johnny Depp sang with Marilyn Manson. She had a bunch of clips of some of the other tracks off that album. She had some of a Bob Dylan song. Howard played his Cajon a little bit to that.
Robin read about Jimmy Kimmel being honored with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Howard said you have to pay for the maintenance of that thing. He said that's embarrassing. Howard said he was offered one but he didn't want to pay. Howard said Jimmy knows better than to ask him to come to that.
Robin read about the ratings that the Golden Globes got. Robin said they had 20 million viewers. Howard said he wasn't one of them because he had to go to bed.
Robin read about Robin Roberts hoping to return to her show in February. Robin said she had some kind of cancer where she had to have a bone marrow transplant. Robin said that she's trying to rebuild her immune system before returning to Good Morning America.
Howard read that a chimpanzee is addicted to watching porn. Robin said they were trying to see if she would learn to use the remote control and they found that she was only interested in watching porn. Howard said she must be disgusted watching humans having sex. Howard said Sal gave him a porn where this guy gives a chick anal and then he begs her to blow him and the woman says she's not about doing that. Howard said his penis was just inside her ass. Howard said he'd be proud of her if she turned that down. Howard played some of the audio from that porn. Howard asked Sal if she ever blew him. Sal said he had a shit stain on his penis. Sal said that one came from a great site he goes to called EFukt.com. Sal said they edit down the videos to the best parts. Howard said just imagine what the rest of that video is like. Howard said that's the kind of girl he'd want to be with. He said she has a line. Sal said she eventually does do some sucking.
Howard said that Angus T Jones kid is coning back to Two and a Half Men. Howard said he has to pay for his beach house in Malibu. Howard said someone must have gotten a hold of him and talked sense to him.
Robin read about the debt ceiling and how we have to raise that or the country could go into default. Robin read some details about what Ben Bernake was saying about that.
Robin asked Howard what he thinks the poverty level is. Robin said that they say that the number is $22,000 for a family of four.
Robin read about a poll about women hanging out and laughing together. That led to Fred playing a bunch of women laughing clips.
Howard said that he had a picture of Francis Ford Coppola's hand written notes about who he wanted in The Godfather. He read about some of the people he had on the list. He had Martin Sheen and Lawrence Olivier on the list. He had James Caan and Peter Falk on the list for some of the parts. Howard said that's crazy. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about gun control and how New York may be the first state to do something about it. Howard said these pro-gun guys who don't want to hear any talk of any restrictions are out of their minds. Howard said he had tape of a guy talking about that. He asked Gary where that is. Howard said he heard they took this guy's gun license away after this. Howard played the clip and the guy was talking about Vice President Biden asking the President to use Executive order to enforce stricter gun control. He said if that happened it's going to start a civil war and he won't hesitate to fire the first shot. He said he's not putting up with this and he's not letting this country be ruled by a dictator. He said if it goes any further he's going to start killing people. Howard said the guy looks kind of scary too. Gary said JD told him that they took his license away.
Howard asked Scott if he's against gun control. Scott said he's not against the assault rifle control. Howard said he sounds like he's making sense.
Howard said he heard that Lady Gaga was wearing a dress with guns on it and people said she was being insensitive. Howard said he was thinking that maybe she wanted to keep the conversation going. Robin said that people go crazy over nothing sometimes. Howard said he was outraged when she wore pants in the shape of the World Trade Center on fire but this he doesn't see a problem with. Robin read some more news and then Howard did another live commercial.
Robin read a story about a 12 year old who killed his neo-Nazi father and how he's being prosecuted as an adult. Robin said that he was raised by a nut. Robin said that they say that he was only 10 when he killed his father. Robin said he may spend another 10 years in jail. Howard said if Hitler had a son who killed him, would we be upset. Robin said this doesn't make any sense to her. Howard said he would put this kid on Dancing with the Stars. Robin said that poor kid didn't have a chance from the day he was born. She said he was going down the wrong road from the start. Howard said maybe they could get Casey Anthony on Dancing with the Stars with that kid. Howard created the scene while Fred played some music in the background. Howard said they could have James Holmes on the show too. He's the Aurora, Colorado shooter.
Robin read a story about Lance Armstrong confessing that he used performance enhancing drugs while he was riding bikes in the Tour De France. Robin said that he admitted this in an interview with Oprah Winfrey. A lawyer said that this could get him in trouble and he could get sued and charged with perjury. It goes deeper than that because if any of his sponsors knew about it they could be in trouble too. Howard said it's so bad Sheryl Crow wants it stricken from the record that she ever slept with him. Robin had some audio of a lawyer talking about what's going on. Robin said they say that Lance could be worth $100-125 million.
Robin read about a study that shows kids are watching more TV and getting less sleep. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about that. Howard said he had to stay up to watch Justified. Robin said she was up late talking to someone on the phone she doesn't get to talk to much. Howard said he told her not to talk to anyone on the phone unless it's him. He said he was serious about that too. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Charlie Sheen and had some audio of him talking to David Letterman. Charlie said he would like to return to the show for their final episode. Dave told him that his character was killed. Charlie said he might be dead but so is the show. Gary said that Jon Hein told him that the show is actually doing just fine. Howard said Charlie should be in there talking to them. Gary said he tried to get him on but his people are keeping him off he show. Howard said they must think they're the crazy ones.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:35am.
Scott said he knows Howard wouldn't bring it home but he thinks that he'd have a lot of fun with it for a few minutes. He said that he knows Howard is never going to like anything you give him. Jon said Howard liked the drum Fred got him. Scott said it's really hard to buy for Howard. Jon said he is and he didn't get him anything. Jon said that Scott seems to buy something that he would like for someone else. Scott said that's kind of true. He said he's suggesting to him that it's fun.
Jon asked if he got Howard a Rush CD if that would be wrong. Scott said that it's not like he's going to use it himself. Jon said that's the definition of selfish.
Scott said that he thinks anyone who saw the toy being used would want to give it a try. Gary said what he's hearing is that he can't believe that anyone else wouldn't be into it. Scott said he's male and human and he thinks he would like it. Jon said Scott has to know from listening to Howard that he wouldn't like it. Scott said he thinks he would have fun with it.
Steve Brandano said that they're being really hard on Scott. Steve said that anyone who picks it up has fun with it. He said that's the chance he's taking on buying one for Howard. Jon asked if he thinks that Howard would really like it. Steve said he thinks that he would have fun if he picked it up and played with it.
Gary said that would be under the fun/frivolous category for Howard. He said you have to put the app on your phone and unbox the toy. He said Howard would fly it a little bit and that's it. Scott said that's fine. Steve said that Howard didn't take Fred's gift home either. Gary said they knew he wouldn't though. Howard is using that though.
Gary said he got Howard something practical that he could use. He got him a battery for a light he uses with his photography. He said it's an expensive battery. Gary said he had another idea for a picture that has a sound wave that you can attach to it so you can hear it. Gary said that it turns out that it would be more confusing for him than anything. Scott said he thinks that would be a great gift because it's a sound wave picture and you play the clip that goes along with it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he would love to have one of those helicopters. He said he thinks that Howard would love it. Gary said he played with one and he had fun for a minute but that's about it. Gary said they had some helicopters out at CES that flew in tandem to music.
Jon said they all know Howard is fickle about his gifts. Scott said he got Howard a fingerprint reader once. He said Howard hated putting in passwords and this was something simple to use that you just use your thumb with. He said he thought it was a home run but Howard hated it. Gary said he doesn't dispute that. He said Scott just can't believe that everyone else doesn't like what he likes. Scott said he guarantees him that there are 50 million digital picture frames sold in this country. Gary said he has one in his office. Jon said he's cool with them too. Gary said that he didn't agree that people are white trash if they own one. Jon had to go to break after that.
Jon and Gary talked about Tom coming back to the show and still being open even after he got in trouble the last time he was on the show. Gary said the way Tom is on the show is probably why Arnold likes hanging out with him. Jon said that Arnold just basically let him go with what he said last time he was on.
Ronnie was in the studio so Jon asked if he thinks that Scott looks down on him for drinking and the kind of stuff he does. Ronnie said there's no doubt about it. He said that's the way he comes off. Ronnie said he talks about how he's always in the strip clubs but he hasn't been to one since October. Ronnie said he's such a star now he doesn't have time to go there. Ronnie said he actually went last Friday night to Rick's. He said he hadn't been since October before that.
Jon asked Scott if he really thinks Ronnie is at the strip club that much. Scott said he was hanging out there almost every night. Ronnie said he never went there on work nights. He said he was there the other night and there was an 85 year old waling around in a walker and a suit. He said that was kind of scary.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to talk about Hanzi. He asked if Ronnie ever worries about when the show is done that someone is going to attack Howard. Ronnie said he worries all the time about Howard. He said he's a celebrity and you always have to worry about that stuff.
Jon got back to Tom Arnold and talked about the call Tom and Roseanne had on the show many years ago. Gary said he remembers that and told Jon some of the stuff he remembered about that.
Jon said that Tom is hanging out with the guys he used to dream about and he really is living out the dream. Gary said he is. He said he's a Hollywood celebrity who gets to go out and hang out with those people.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Scott is an asshole but the helicopter is an awesome gift. He said he thinks that Gary just wants to get into Howard's good graces. The guy said that the helicopter is a universally good gift. Gary said that he's just saying that Howard won't like it. Scott said he thinks at this point they just have to get Howard one. Gary said he just knows that Howard is going to look at it like it's frivolous. Scott said Howard reads comic books. He said if he's got a pulse and he's human he would enjoy it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said the whole gift giving thing is hard with Howard. He said Scott giving Howard a helicopter is something that you give when you don't know what to get. He said when you can't figure something out then you get something you like for that person.
Scott asked Jon what he would get for Howard. Jon said it wouldn't be a helicopter. Scott said he wasn't going to buy it for Howard anyway. He said it was an idea for Gary to get Howard something.
The caller asked the guys who they think will write a book or say something that doesn't go with Howard when Howard retires. He said there must be some people who are there licking Howard's ass and doing it for their career. Scott said he's assuming there is something to write about. Jon said maybe there are stories to tell so who would that person be. Gary said he has had a name in mind over the years. He said Jackie was one and Stuttering John was one. He said with this group he can't really think of one. Gary said he's not sure anyone there would fit that bill. Scott said it would have to be someone big like Gary or maybe Ronnie. Gary said maybe Robin would write the book. They had to take another break after that.
Jon asked about the list that Gary had for Tim today. Gary said he didn't put that list together. He said that the guys all hand him notes about all of that stuff. He said that one of the things they didn't get to was that they had the cast of the Carol Burnett show there and they had a line of people there to take pictures and Tim just cut the line to take a picture.
DePace said that Tim is great and he loves him. He said he thinks he's a lot of fun. Jon said no one is saying he's not fun. Jon asked why Tim can't stay thin. Gary said he doesn't know. He said it seems like the faster you lose weight the faster you put it back on.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks he can get him to do the spelling bee. Gary said he doesn't think so. He said he just says no, no, no, no, no. Jon asked Ronnie how he's going to do in the spelling bee. Ronnie said it depends on the words. Jon thanked him for that analysis.
Tim came in at the last second and said he doesn't care about the spelling bee. He said he would do it as they were wrapping up the show. Tim said maybe he can do that and the hypnosis thing. Ronnie suggested that he get hypnotized and then do the spelling bee while hypnotized. They ended the show around 11:15am.
Howard started the show with the opera version of ''The Great American Nightmare'' opening theme song. Howard took a call from a guy, Eric, who asked what he's doing differently to keep Beth interested in sex. Howard said he doesn't know he is. He said he's just doing it to her and assumes she likes it. Howard said he isn't doing anything special. Howard said once in a while she'll pout her leg over him and he knows that as the signal. Howard said he just goes ''hey, lets get it on'' or ''I wanna get laid.'' Eric asked if he does stuff he watches in porn. Howard said he does. Howard said that's where he learns. Howard said Beth appears she likes it. Eric said she hasn't called the police yet. Howard said he knows Beth is in love with him because there's no reason to stay with him otherwise. Howard thanked Eric for the call and let him go.
Howard said he has a very busy show today. He took another call from a guy, Mike, who said that they have the Lena Dunham story all over the news where they're saying he apologized to Lena. Howard said he didn't apologize to her. He said that he was just making it clear what he was saying the other day. Howard said it's so weird with people. Howard said he was wondering why it was annoying him so much.
Howard said the Hollywood Reporter said that he apologized to her after they gave her a Golden Globe. Howard said they're stupid over there. Howard said that's not right. Howard said he was watching Lena's show ''Girls'' on HBO and he hated it at first. Howard said he thought she looked like Jonah Hill and it was like rape with her being naked on screen all the time. Howard said the next day he came in and told Robin he was wrong and he liked the show after watching more of it. Howard said he had a change of opinion. Howard said this is what happens when you think out loud. Robin asked if he's not allowed to not like something. Howard said the big thing is that a lot of women who don't hear the show only heard that he called her fat and they think he has a warped sense of what a real woman is. Howard said ''Just shut up.''
Howard said women want to think that other men are better than him. He said that they're really not. Howard said that other guys have women who are couch bound and they're fat too. Howard said that wasn't his point about Lena. Howard said it wasn't about her being fat or not. It was about liking her show or not. Howard said the next day he said he started watching more of ''Girls'' and he liked the show. Howard said he had a change of heart.
Howard said Perez Hilton wrote an article about the whole thing and it was spiraling out of control. He said that everyone picked up on his story and ran with it without giving Perez credit. Howard said Perez gave him a headache because he said he liked the show after he changed his mind. Howard said this was all before the Golden Globes. Howard said now it's morphed into something else. He said he doesn't care what everyone else thinks. He said he wants to tell Lena that he's a fan. Howard said he's not sure why his opinion is so important anyway. Howard said they all think he hates women and only likes skinny women. Howard said one reporter was attacking his wife.
The caller said he thought Howard liked the show but he felt that she was writing herself too much into the show. Howard said he didn't like it at first and then he changed his mind and liked it after a few more episodes. Howard said he's going to talk to her today and tell her what happened. Howard said he hated it and now he loves it. That's the story.
Howard said he was disturbed by her naked and now he likes it. Howard said she's like Woody Allen who is an ugly mishkite who teamed up with gorgeous women. Howard said he doesn't give a fuck what this is turning into. He said he's going to set it straight today. Howard said he doesn't care that she won a Golden Globe Award. Howard said that those awards mean nothing to him. He said that's the end of it and that's all he's going to say. He said he's done with this.
Howard said this is what happens when he doesn't edit what he says all the time. He said that if he hadn't talked about the show and had just watched the whole season he would have explained that he didn't like the show at first and then changed his mind. It would have been that simple. Howard said he's only upset for Lena because she's a fan of his and now she might think he doesn't like her. Howard said he's annoyed by all of this.
Howard said he's not apologizing to her because of the Golden Globes. Howard said that Linda Stasi called him ugly in her article about him and no one was upset about that.
Howard said Perez Hilton is the one who turned a non story into a story. He said he has to give him that. Robin said she doesn't pay much attention to his column but he has put baby pictures up on his web site and called people ugly. Howard said he had a change of mind too. He said he stopped doing that. Howard said that's what he did with this. Howard said he seems to be the only one following all of this though.
Howard played some audio of Sal and Richard out on the street asking people if they could name any movies Curtis Armstrong was in. No one knew who he was. Sal was telling people who he was and they still couldn't name any of the movies he's been in since then. Howard said that must drive Curtis nuts. He said he should change his name to Booger legally. Howard said he's coming by and so is Kevin Bacon. He said that Lena will be calling in too. Howard said that he loves Kevin Bacon in X-Men First Class. Howard said he was great in that movie. He said he should have gotten an Academy award for that. Howard said you have to see that movie.
Howard said Kevin told him that was the toughest role of his career. He said he figured that Footloose was harder. He said that Kevin must hate that movie. He said he thinks he has a story about that. He said that Kevin went to a wedding and they play the Footloose song every time he goes to a wedding.
Howard said Kevin had to learn German and Russian for the X-Men movie. Howard said that's why it was so hard for him.
The caller told Howard that Mel Karmazin was on CNBC and they were crediting him with bringing all of the subscribers over. Howard said that must be the case then.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he agrees with Howard about ''Girls.'' He said now she's stopped being naked on the show. He said that the hot chick on the show doesn't get naked. Howard said when he gets her on the phone he's going to suggest that the other girls get naked. Howard said he thinks they should get brave too. Robin said she thinks that Brian Williams daughter is saving herself. JD came in and told Howard that Allison Williams had a hot scene where she has to go in and start masturbating. Howard said he thought the hot chick on the show was the British girl. Howard said Beth thinks she is. Howard said that he has to get going because they're so busy today. He went to break after that.
Howard said that he loved Revenge Of The Nerds and he loves these two guys. He said that Robert Carradine and Curtis Armstrong are coming in now. Howard had the guys come in and said it was good to see them. Robin said Robert was still eating. Howard said he told Gary to get the guys some breakfast. Howard said that he wants to treat their guests right. Robert said he had to fight for a cup of coffee in there.
Robert asked about the red pillow on the couch and Howard said Tom Arnold was sweating all over it yesterday. Howard said that he told Gary that it would be nice to get the guests coffee and a bagel in there. He said they found out it's going to cost 60 bucks to get four bagels in there. Howard said they must have been excited to see that stuff in there today. Curtis said they had donuts and stuff out there too. Howard said they have cupcake Wednesday so that's why they got to see that. Howard said that's good stuff too.
Howard said he wanted to talk to Robert and Curtis about their new TV show. Curtis said that they're actually there to see Howard. Howard knew that wasn't true. Howard said he loves Curtis in Revenge of the Nerds. He said he played Booger in the movies. Howard said he loved how he learned to fling his boogers from Jimmy Hung. Curtis said he was his mentor and spiritual guide.
Howard asked if they knew Nerds was going to be such a big thing. Robert said they were just having a good time shooting it. He said they weren't thinking anything about it other than doing it the next day and about the cheerleaders.
Howard said Sean Penn played the role in Fast Times at Ridgemont High and it was a great decision to do it. Robert said he was asked to audition for the Nerds movies and he had long hair at the time. He said it was longer than Howard's hair. He said he never wanted to play a nerd. He said that he got his hair cut and went out to get a pair of nerdy glasses. He said the optometrist got him a pair that were in a dusty old box and gave him what he thought would work. Robert said that it was a big studio picture so that's one of the reasons he did it too. He said that it was 20th Century Fox that did it. He said they shot the movie in 6 months and they were done.
Howard said he worked with the guy who wrote Nerds. He said he knows the guy. Curtis said he just ran into the guy for the first time about 4 weeks ago. Howard said he was working on Fartman at the time and Miguel was playing with that. Robert told Howard that Miguel wrote the original but the two guys that showed up at work were two other guys. Robert said the script wasn't all that good so the spruced it up.
Robert said they didn't have any idea that the movie was going to be a hit. They had no idea. Curtis said they never assumed they were going to do a sequel either. Curtis said he was mostly a theater actor but he was in Risky Business. Howard asked if they did a 3D movie. Curtis said it was the fourth one that was 3D. Howard asked if they had to do weird stuff during the shoot. They said they did it in post so they weren't affected by it.
Howard asked if they got paid well for the sequel. Curtis and Robert said they were paid well. Robert said that he got six figures for one of the sequels. He said that they were going to make a bonus but then the movie kept going into the red further and further.
Howard asked if they negotiated their asses off. Robert said they offered to let him participate in the gross on the second one. He said that what they did was start at 5 million gross and you start there. He said it ends at 20 million. He said they want to put a cap on it. Robert said it made that money in 3 months so he saw the biggest check in his life. He said they made 40 million and it cost 6 to make. He said he thinks that they did 30 million on the next one.
Curtis said he was out of all of that. He said he just showed up and picked his nose. Howard asked if he's upset that they know him as Booger. Curtis said he can't be upset about that. Robert said he had dinner with the guy who wrote ''The Perks of Being a Wallflower'' and he said he ran into Curtis and he was so touched that he knew his name. Curtis said that it happens occasionally. He said that people have smart phones now and they look up his name on the web. He said they'll look it up and pretend that they always knew. He said there is some increase in who knows how he is.
Howard asked if they get typecast in those roles. Robert said they don't really. Robert said he was told to never take a deferment in a movie and that came up about the first film. He said that they ended up getting him his deferment for the second film. He said he made just under $850,000 on the second one. Howard said Curtis just passed out and then ran out of the room. Curtis said his agent is in the other room right now.
Robert said that Anthony Edwards removed himself from the third movie. He said that would have been a 7 figure movie for them if he had gone with it. He said that cost them that movie. Howard asked if he called Anthony Edwards and tried to tell him it was a big payday. Robert said he can't remember if they did try to talk to him. He said he thinks that Anthony was working on E.R. at the time. Robert said he would have liked to have had a jet. He said Anthony has that from E.R. and his wife. Robert said that Anthony's wife makes the makeup called Stella. He said they live the life with that.
Howard said the nerds have taken over the world now. He said that it's like ''the thing'' now. Howard said if girls were smart those are the guys that they should be dating.
Howard asked if the Nerds movie was good for them with the women. Robert said that it was easier to meet women. He's married now. Robin said he has the Carradine name too though. Robert said he always downplayed that. He said he didn't use that name.
Howard said Robert's father was John Carradine. Robert said he was in 10 of the greatest films of all time. He mentioned a few of those. Howard said Robert's dad divorced his mom when he was 2 and he got custody of Robert. Howard asked what was wrong with his mother that he got custody. Robert said his mom hooked up with a guy who was living a kind of alternate lifestyle and he used that to make her seem like an unfit mother. Howard said when he grew up he thought his step-mom was his real mother. He said that his brothers kept the secret and never told him. Robert said he is insane as a result. He said that he puts himself first now. He said that he tried to imagine coming out of that woman's vagina and he didn't have that connection. Robert said she wasn't kind to any of the kids. He said that's why they ended up in boarding school.
Howard asked how he found out that he wasn't her kid. Robert said he was like 14 years old and he was with his grandparents. Howard asked if his real mother wanted to come and see them. Robert said she was forbidden.
Robert said they were at the grandparents house and they saw this woman playing piano. He said that her name was Sonja and his brother whispered to him that it was his real mother. Robert said when he looked at her with that new found information he saw her face and this flood of recognition hit him. He said he wasn't angry at her or anyone else at the time. He said recently when his brother David checked out he has been dealing with anger issues. He said that some stuff came bursting out. Howard said maybe he's upset that they kept the secret. Robert said David was 18 years older so he didn't live with them.
Robert said David threw a cue ball through a plate glass window one time and it turns out he did that because he was arguing with his dad about telling them about their mother. Howard said David was Kung Fu and he was a great actor.
Robert told Howard that he was on the road with his father and his father was a drinker. He said he came into the room loud and he was feigning sleep. He said his dad was muttering something and then said it would break Robert's heart if... and it was earth shattering to hear.
Howard asked if he was attracted to his birth mother when he saw her. Howard said that's what they say about kids and their birth mothers sometimes. Robert said she was a great artist. Howard said he would be so angry if his father did something like that. Robert said it took David's death for him to let go of the anger. He said he was angry at his father even when he died. He said when David died he let the anger go. David said they were trying to set up David's burial he would let people have it if they said something wrong. Robert said that it was borderline mania.
Robin asked if he loved David. Robert said he lived with him for a while and he got to smoke the best weed and finish school with him.
Howard asked Robert about what he was saying about David's death. Robert said they know for a fact that he was murdered. He said they found out that he couldn't have gotten himself into that rig himself. He said the Thai police didn't help out at all. He said you can buy someone's death for 10 bucks there. Robert said that he would have had to have had someone else help him get into that rig he was in. He said Thailand is that kind of place. Robert said that in Argo there's one guy who gets pissed off at a Polaroid picture. He said it could have been something as simple as that.
Howard said David wasn't afraid of saying anything. He said he could have just randomly pissed someone off. Robert said that his wife was upset that he didn't have a security detail with him over there. He said everyone wants to take a pot shot at you. He said that's why Tyson has bodyguards. Robert said that he could go to jail if he hit someone back. He said his hands were lethal weapons. He said his career was on an upswing at the time and it was sad. Robert said he noticed bird feathers all over the place and he thinks that it could be David when he sees that.
Howard said Robert seems to be in touch with his anger. He asked if he's in therapy. Robert said he's married to a Swiss and they don't believe in therapy. Howard said they have the highest suicide rate though. Robert said that his wife is hot and Howard would be shocked. Howard asked how the sex life is. Robert said it has its moments.
Howard said he had to tell his director something. He told him to drop the feathers. Robert said he sees doves a lot and he thinks that's David. Howard said he thinks that the whole Psychic thing is bullshit and Houdini proved it.
Howard said that they have a guy there named Richard who works there. Howard said he has a lot to talk to them about but he has to get to Richard. Howard gave them a plug for their show ''King of the Nerds'' which starts this week on TBS.
Howard said that Curtis is a big fan of Harry Nilsson and he wrote the liner notes for a compilation album of his. Howard said he has some of Harry's songs to play. He said that he's going to play Name that Tune with him. Howard played the first note of one of the songs and Curtis knew what it was immediately. Howard played a second song and Curtis knew that one and the next few songs he played. Howard said Curtis is so proud of himself. Howard had him guess what song he was thinking about. Curtis guessed a song and Howard said he was right. He swore he was thinking of that song.
Howard asked the guys if they enjoyed making Revenge of the Nerds. Robert said they had a great time making it. They were saying that they really did enjoy working on that movie set every day. Robert said he had a hard time with the way he looked so he hated seeing the dailies. He said that he had that hair cut and he hated going out looking like that. Then he finally went out and no one even reacted to it. Robert said they did their first day shooting and they heard him doing that laugh. Howard said Richard Christy told him that he would cum in his pants if he heard that laugh today. Robert said that laugh hurts his voice. Robert said in 1984 he was 30 and it wasn't so bad. He said he was doing that laugh a lot during production. He said it's kind of early to be doing it today. Howard asked him to do the laugh anyway. Robert did it for Howard and he had Curtis laughing. Howard said it must have blown his voice out. Robert said he didn't invent it. He said Jamie Cromwell did. He said he played his dad in the movie. Robert said he didn't have a laugh yet so the director had Jamie Cromwell doing the laugh in a video and he went up to him and said he loves his laugh. It turned out he had made it up and Jamie showed him how to do it. He said it was a like father, like son kind of thing.
Howard said Curtis was in Risky Business and he lucked out in his career. He said he did that and then lucked out with Revenge of the Nerds. Howard asked if Tom Cruise is still a good friend. Curtis said he hasn't seen him in 30 some years. Curtis said they weren't really buds. Robert said he played paint ball with Tom. He said he had just done that movie Taps and he was on the brink of making it when they played.
Robert said he was pacing outside the theater where they were showing dailies of the movie as they shot it. He said Curtis came out and said that he was playing it for real and they just think they're regular guys. He said that's why the movie has so much heart. He said that's what the movie is all about.
Howard said Robert and Curtis host King of the Nerds on TBS. Howard said this is where they take a bunch of nerds and stick then on an island or something. Robert said it's actually a giant mansion in Pasadena and they named it Nerdvana. He said they all have to live together there. He said they split into two teams and they have to live together. Curtis said they sent out an announcement about who they were looking for and had people send in tapes. He said they got thousands of tapes. Robert said they co-created the show. He said that it took a year and a half to negotiate the deal. Robert said that he didn't want that deferment deal again.
Curtis told Howard they have two competitions per hour. He said they have nerd wars on the show. Curtis said his favorite one was live gaming where you put them in a dark room and they have a helipad they have to use to fly through a dark room with traps in it. Howard said only a nerd would be good with that. Curtis said the other team is trying to shoot the helipad down with Nerf weapons. The losing team has to have a battle with two of their team guys and they battle it out at the end of the show. Howard said this show starts tomorrow night on TBS. Robert did his laugh again. Howard tried to do it but he failed.
Howard said he has more questions but they ran out of time. Howard said he has a lot of guests coming up. He said that it's like the old Merv Griffin show. Howard said the party is over and they had a lot of fun. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked if he's talking to Lena Dunham. Gary said she's on the phone and just give them 30 seconds. Howard said he's right on schedule today. He said she was supposed to call in at 7:30 and it's 7:30 now.
Howard got Lena on the phone and said he's not sure where to begin with all of this. Howard asked where she is. She said she's on her way to her house in Brooklyn right now. She just got off the red eye. Howard asked if it was great to win the Golden Globe. She said that she is but she has a lot of work to do.
Howard said Lena had such high heels on the Golden Globes. She said that she thinks she's going to wear flats from now on. She said it was really painful. She said she thinks that's how she's going to feel at 90 when she's accepting some award at a feminist organization award show.
Howard told Lena he wants to tell her the full story about what he said about her. Howard said when he does the show he thinks out loud. Howard said Beth told him to catch up on ''Girls'' so they can watch the show together. Howard said he hadn't seen the first season. He said he watched 2 episodes and got on the air and said he hated the show and hated Lena. He said she was obnoxious and he felt that she got naked too much and it felt like rape. Howard said he works it through out loud. Lena said she gets that. Howard said normally no one even pays attention. He said that night he watched 3 more episodes and he got the show. He said he was in love with her and with her character and he changed his mind. Howard said he's apparently not allowed to change his mind. He said his fans called him a jerk and he was full of it. Howard said he heard a line in the show that he thought was brilliant. He said he started to compare Lena to Woody Allen. Howard said the whole thing came together for him. He said he came in and told Robin he changed his mind about the show.
Howard said Perez picked the story up and he did say those things that he wrote. Lena said she has people who work on the show who listen to the show every day. Robin said she was wondering what her exposure to the show was.
Howard said the Hollywood Reporter said that he apologized to her because she won two Golden Globes. Howard said that's not what he did. He said that it took a little while to warm up to her show. Howard said she must know that her character can be annoying to some.
Howard said he really does like her show. Lena said that she was excited about what he said about her and she said that on Letterman. Howard said she was very gracious.
Robin asked how she found out about the whole thing. Lena said that she found out about it because she was at the Today show and a producer said that Howard said he loved ''Girls.'' Lena said she doesn't listen to the show every day but when she does she loves it. She said that someone said that Howard said that he hated the show and she looks like Jonah Hill. Lena said that Howard has a very slim wife and she's really not that fat. She said she's thin for Detroit. Howard said she plays up the fat thing though. Howard said she has that scene where the guy jiggles her belly. Howard said he's hyper critical about that. Howard said she plays up that fat thing and he loves that. Howard said he has that same belly though. Howard said she's not obese or anything.
Lena thanked him for that and said that she's got another line from Howard saying that she's not obese or anything. Howard said he thinks she's brilliant and he thinks the show is great. Howard said he hasn't seen the first show of the new season yet though.
Howard asked Lena if she bowed to the pressure of not having much in the way of race in the show. Lena said she has Donald Glover playing her boyfriend in the first episode of the season. She said she understood the criticism but they only had 10 episodes to start with. She said they're going to bring in more people in season 2. She said working with Donald was good and she said that they were going to get to race sooner or later. Howard said he doesn't get why they have to make a show racially mixed. Howard said he was just wondering if she responds to something like that. He said he's not sure that's fair.
Lena said that a conversation about race is something that should happen. She said she's ready to take one for the team and let that conversation happen. She said it is upsetting when people think you have a closed world view because of the cast of the show.
Howard asked if it was an accident that she cast the girls on the show who all have famous fathers. Lena said she didn't do that on purpose. She said she doesn't have that kind of forethought.
Howard asked why the other girls on the show aren't naked. Lena said that they do get more naked as time goes on. Lena said that she thinks that people who want to be nude can be nude. She said she's not going to force them to do it.
Howard asked about Allison Williams and if she has it in her contract that she won't get nude. Lena said that she's playing the part of a girl who is supposed to be like that. She said that Allison is really open to the sexual content of the show. Howard said her dad, Brian Williams, might tell her not to show her boobs on camera. Lena said she hasn't delved into those intricacies of their relationship. Howard asked if Brian Williams comes to the set a lot. Lena said he's a delight. Howard said he would bet he tells her not to get naked.
Robin asked Lena if she has a point at which she knows where she wants to go with her character throughout the arc of the show. Lena said that she does see what's working and she might go with something as you write. She said that she has the bones of it and you can shift things as they are successful or not.
Howard asked Lena if the show is based on her life and if she had someone shake her belly once. She said that she actually did but it's not all about her life. Howard asked if she has had anal. Lena said that Howard is her favorite and she's excited to do the show but she's so sleepy she can't do that.
Howard said Lena wrote the movie ''Tiny Furniture'' and Judd Apatow saw it and asked her to work with him. Howard said that she must think that show business isn't that hard. Lena said she feels crazy lucky. She said her parents are artists so she has seen the ups and downs. She said she knows that it's not going to be that way the whole time. She said that she's very lucky.
Howard asked Lena about being at the Golden Globes. She said that she had a good time there. She said she flipped her wig when she saw Clinton there. Howard asked watch she thought about the Jodie Foster speech. Howard thought she was all over the place. Lena said she found it very moving.
Howard said he bets that the celebs were kissing her ass because she's a writer and that's what the actors are looking for. Howard asked if people were coming up to her and trying to get to her. Lena said she left early. She said she goes and checks out the buffet and she doesn't feel that she fits in. She said that she loves being home in her apartment and she needs to get back to work. Lena said she feels like she's wasting her time if she's not writing. Howard said he feels the same way about parties like that. Howard said they're a huge waste of time.
Lena said she wants to go and celebrate with the cast members and give HBO the props they need but she doesn't think that staying until 1 am is part of her job.
Howard asked Lena how she learned to write. She said that she's still confused by how to finish a script. Lena said that she wrote in Microsoft Word and it looks like someone's homework when she reads it now. Howard said he has to find someone like Lena to work for him.
Howard asked if she signed a $3.7 million book deal. She said she did sign a book deal but she's not saying what she's getting paid.
Howard said he had Bradley Cooper on the show and he was going out with Zoe Saldana and he wasn't going to the red carpet things with her. Howard said that Brad said that he doesn't want to be photographed with her. Howard said that when you love someone you have to go. He said that some people get engaged and won't talk about it. He said that's like Jay-Z and Beyonce.
Lena said she has an awesome boyfriend and he's a guitarist in the band Fun. Howard said she's not embarrassed by that at all. Lena said he's the best. She said that he's way more adorable than anyone she thought would ever hang out with her. She said that she likes having him by her side. Howard said it's fun to go out with your boyfriend. Howard said that Beth will say that she wants to trot him around and they like doing that. They don't want to hide their love. Lena said that they seem to have a very sweet relationship.
Howard said Lena's boyfriend dated Scarlett Johansson and that must be intimidating. Howard said she kind of shows that in her show. Lena said Howard has done his research. Howard asked if she ever asks him about that or leaves it out. Lena said it doesn't give her that much anxiety. She said that she sees how people get into trouble on this program. Howard said it must be an issue. Lena said she feels okay. She said when you feel special you don't get concerned about that.
Howard said that he didn't want to keep her all morning. He said he loves her show and he loves her. Robin said she loved the show and felt she found a treasure when she saw it.
Lena asked Howard to say hi to her friend Jemima Kirke who is on Girls with her. She said that she loves Howard. Howard said hi to her. Howard said he does question her name Jemima though. Howard said that she could become Aunt Jemima. Lena said she actually is an aunt and they do call her Aunt Jemima. Howard said hello to aunt Jemima. He said Lena took a lot of shit from her fans for being friends with Taylor Swift on Twitter.
Howard said what he wants to say to her is that he's glad this story blew up because now he gets to talk to her. Howard said he apologizes to her that she got the wrong impression about his feelings. Howard said he finds her show fantastic and he loves what she's doing and thanked her for entertaining him. Lena thanked Howard for that and said she's glad he said hit to Jemima.
Howard asked if she was prepared ahead of time for this interview. Lena said she went into this cold. She asked how she did. Howard said she did fine. Howard said he thinks she did good and thanked her for calling in. Howard said he's glad he got to speak to her. Lena said she wasn't losing sleep over it. She said she hopes Howard didn't. Howard said he actually did. He said he is a big fan and he wanted her to know that. Robin said they were bringing it up at the premiere. Howard said it was good for the show because it got it some attention. Lena thanked Howard for that then. Howard said he's glad to got to talk to her. Lena told Howard to have a great day.
Howard said there was no pressure on him to apologize. Howard said he just wanted to get the story straight. Howard said he doesn't care about what the stories said but he wanted her to carry on with the show and not think about what he said.
Robin said that Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were goofing on Taylor Swift at the Golden Globes. She said they were rough on her. Howard said Taylor is conducting her career the way she wants to and she should keep doing that. Howard said she's still a teenager. Howard said she can't date one guy for the next 5 years. He said that she's trying to figure out what kind of relationship she wants.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Whitney Cummings gets over the top funny on her show. Howard said he thinks she's hot either way. Howard said he hasn't really seen her TV show. Howard said he would have asked her out if he was single. The caller said that Lucille Ball was attractive but she was over the top funny. Howard said that he gets it but really doesn't care. He said he had to take a break a short time later.
Howard told Jason to get a link up to the farting videos they found. Howard said these guys go out and fart on people and film it. Howard said it's really funny (Here's the YouTube link).
Howard came back and said that he has Kevin Bacon there. Howard said he has to can the Bruce song now. Kevin came in and Howard said he has to look at this guy. He said he has such a swagger. Howard said they have a meeting every day and they were talking about his remarkable career. Howard said that people forget about how big a star he is. Robin said she thinks that he submerges himself so much in the role that you think about him as the character and not as Kevin Bacon. Kevin said he loves that.
Howard said he didn't realize that before Footloose he was in Friday the 13th. Kevin said that was the first one. Howard said Richard Christy always suggests gay stuff on the show. He said Richard pulled out a picture of Kevin blown up of him and he's in a bathing suit and it looks like he has a boner. Howard said it wasn't photoshopped or anything. Kevin said he doesn't know what that is. Howard told them to put that up on the web for people to see. Kevin asked him not to. He said that he saw a video on the web of him in that bathing suit running down the dock and he looks like an asshole running. He said he can't dive either. He said that they had this video up as ''Kevin Bacon can't run or dive.'' He said they kept that in the movie too.
Howard asked what his first film was. Kevin said he was in Animal House. He said he worked with Belushi and he squirts out the mashed potatoes and says he's a zit. Kevin said he was one of the ''bad guys'' in that movie. Howard asked if he was against Belushi's frat or something. Kevin said that was it.
Howard asked Kevin if he was excited to work with Belushi. Kevin said he was. He said he was still doing Saturday Night Live at the time. Kevin said he would get on a plane and fly to Oregon on Sunday morning and shoot through Wednesday. then he'd go back to New York and do SNL. Howard said he must have been coked up to do that. He said he would run into him in the city once in a while. He said he didn't get really close to him though. Howard said you wonder what he would have done if he hadn't died so young. Howard said maybe he would have disappeared and lived in a trailer. He said you don't know. Kevin said that Howard just bummed him out.
Howard said he ran into Kevin on the streets and he was praising him because of his role in X-Men First Class. Howard said he told him he deserved an academy award for that. Howard said he was the greatest villain in that movie. Kevin laughed. Howard asked why he's laughing. He said he was great in that role. Kevin said the role was thought. He said they give you a book with the history of the comics when you get into a movie like that. He said the character didn't look anything like him though. He said the character looked like Lou Ferrigno or something. Kevin said they had a different idea about the way he should look. He said he started reading about the character and they had an interesting back story about how he became who he is.
Howard said Kevin said the dialect was the tough part of the role. Kevin said he had to learn German. He said he had 3 pages of German to learn. He said he had a hard time learning it in English at this point in his career. Howard said he admires that. He said he doesn't know how they do it.
Kevin said he asked for a German coach. He said he had to break it down. He said he got Rosetta Stone too. He said that Kyra was doing her TV show and they were living in a rented house. Kevin said they had the dogs there and both of the dogs just sat when this German coach came in. He said they just sat with respect. He said they don't always react like that to people. Kevin said they were working on German and she told him to tell the dogs to go away. He said it turns out they sent him a dog trainer to teach him German. He said she was a great German teacher though. Kevin said she translated the lines for him and gave him the pronunciation. He said that he put it all into his iPod and listened to it constantly. He said he would play it back to himself over and over again. Kevin said he was listening to it all the time, non-stop, for weeks.
Kevin said the German coach was good with the dogs too. He said she did both. He said he got to London and they had another guy who was great there too. Kevin said that they're pretty hard on you when they speak this language. He said that he got a new appreciation for the language. He said the first scene he shot was in German. He said the director came up to him and said he had to do some stuff in Russian. Howard said he would have left. Kevin said it was like a page of Russian. He said they got him a Russian guy to train him on that. Howard said he loved what he did in that movie. He said he knows he thinks it's goofy he thinks he should have won an award for that. Howard said they don't think the movie is serious enough.
Howard said that Kevin could have lived his whole life going to Bar Mitzvah's doing the Footloose dance. Howard said that he read that he hates going to weddings because they ask him to get up and dance to that theme song. Kevin said it's every time. Fred played the song. Kevin joked that he gets the family around and dances to it every morning. Howard asked if he's a good dancer. Kevin said he's okay. He said that he trained for that movie and they had an extra doing some of the stuff for him too.
Kevin said he was young when that movie came out. He said he didn't think that he'd be thought of as a serious actor after doing that. He said he had to do the movie because he needed the money. Kevin said he wanted to be De Niro and not the guy from Footloose. Howard said it did take a while to get away from that character. Kevin said it did. He said they talked him into doing the cover of People magazine. He said he told them that he wasn't going to dance in the picture. He got to the thing and the photographer said he wanted him to do some dancing. Kevin said he told him he wasn't going to do that. He said the guy wanted him to dance on a trampoline instead. He said no to that too. Kevin said he was cocky and young so he said no way to that. Kevin said he said no and the guy got pissed at him and said he couldn't shoot anymore. He said they ended up with a picture of him sitting on the floor and they had his dance double dance around while he was sitting on the floor. He said they kind of gave it to him by saying that he did all of the work for him.
Howard said he would love to see them playing the song and Kevin not dancing. Kevin said if he does dance then he has a circle of people around him. He said he asks the DJ not to play the music. He said when you go to a wedding the bride and groom should be the focus. He said he doesn't like being the focus.
Howard asked if he got offered a lot of dance movies after Footloose. Kevin said he did Quicksilver that was a bicycle movie. He said that was the beginning of the steady decline of his career for the next 10 years. Kevin said he was riding around New York training for that movie and he thought it was great. He said they switched it to San Francisco where they don't have many bike messengers. Then they told him that they were adding a scene where they were going to do a bike ballet. He said they made his girlfriend a ballet dancer and then they taught him to do ballet on his bike. He said he used a stunt bike and he was pretty good on it. Kevin said it was so bad.
Howard said Kevin said that was the beginning of his career decline. Howard asked if he blamed his manager for that. Kevin said he thinks that he has been a little bit forgiving of everyone around him. He said he takes the blame himself. He said he's the one who makes the choice and it's hard for him to fire people. He said he's loyal and he has a hard time with that.
Kevin said that it was an agent who turned things around for him with JFK. He wanted to do more leading men kind of stuff. He said the level of the parts wasn't that great. He said this agent said he was a character actor and she got him in on the JFK thing. He said that was like the beginning of a new career for him.
Howard said he has to talk to Kevin about his new TV show. Howard said he hasn't been on TV since he was on a soap opera. Howard said that people are saying it must be good if he's coming back to do TV. Kevin said he had been looking for a TV show for a long time. Howard said TV has become more attractive with the great shows that are on. Robin said Kyra was in The Closer and that started the turn around for people. Howard asked if she told him to stop being an asshole and get a TV show. Kevin said that was it. Kevin said he'd been looking for TV for like 3 years. He said that he told his agents not to even come to him with TV for a long time. He said he felt it was an insult. He said he thought that's where you go to die... and that could still be the case. Kevin said that when Kyra got on the show he started seeing all of these great shows and this shit is amazing. He said you get together with your friends and you're not talking about movies anymore. He said that it's TV.
Kevin said he started looking and thought it might be HBO or Showtime or maybe even TNT or FX. He said FOX came to him with The Following and he's doing that now. Howard asked if he has any nude scenes. Kevin said there is a shower scene in the first episode but you don't see much since it's on FOX. Howard asked if he has a big cock because he was still looking at that photo. Kevin said he must have put something in his pants. He anted to stop talking about his cock.
Howard asked what this show is about. Kevin said he's an FBI agent who is all fucked up. He said that he put a serial killer in jail and the guy escapes. He goes back to help get him and they find out that he's created a cult of serial killers. He said they don't know how many there are. Kevin said the show is The Following and the followers are this serial killer's followers. Howard said he heard he solves the cases by dancing. Kevin said he beats the people with his fake cock. Kevin said he hasn't done any dancing so far in the show but he's open to the idea. He said they're only doing 15 episodes. He said he's still doing movies so he can't do 22 episodes. He said that's about 6 months so he can still do movies.
Howard asked Kevin if he has a lot of pressure on him. Kevin said he's a mess. He said he has seen six of the episodes and he thinks they're great but they'll have to see how the people like them.
Kevin said that if you're a painter and you paint something then people might say they don't like the painting. He said when you're an actor they can say they don't like you and the way you look. He said that it can be rough. Howard asked when the show is on. Kevin said he doesn't even know. Howard said he would worry about all of this stuff. Kevin said they work so many hours on this show.
Kevin said they did a shoot in a sex club for 16 hours the other day. Howard said that sounds horrible. He said he must have wanted to get out of there. Kevin said it was a scene where they think the killer is in there and it was something he's never seen. He said it was room after room where you experience your fetish of whatever you want. He said that the place was closed but they had a little school room and someone had written on a chalkboard and there's a dunce cap on the wall. Howard asked if he would like to try that humiliation thing. Kevin said he's not into that.
Howard asked if he was turned on by the sex club. Kevin said no. He said that when you first get there you think it's creepy but then you change your mind and you think that it's okay to do that stuff as long as no one is getting hurt. Howard said that's because he grew up like a hippie. Kevin said he was the youngest of 6 too.
Howard asked Kevin about getting his first gig and what that was like. Kevin said he got the Animal House thing. He said it was amazing. He said this guy came by acting school and said they were looking for college freshman types. Kevin said he made a face that they liked. He said John Landis wanted him to be smarmy and he had no idea what that even meant. He said he made the face and Landis liked it. Kevin said they flew him out to Oregon and he shot the movie. Howard said that must be insane. He asked if everyone in class was jealous. Kevin said he thought he was a big star when he got back but he had to go back to waiting tables.
Howard asked if he went to the premiere of Animal House. Kevin said that's a great story. He said he was thinking of the movie as his movie. He said he went to the movie and he was on the other side of the red carpet. He said all of the guys from the movie were there arriving in limos and stuff. He said he saw one of the guys and he let him on the red carpet. Kevin said he took him into the theater and the security guard asked what color ticket he had and sent him back to the line. Kevin said they had busses for the party and he got there. He said his hair had kind of grown and no one recognized him from the movie. He said he was hitting on girls and he was telling them that he was in the movie. He said they just wanted to know where Belushi was. Kevin said he left the party and went back to the restaurant and hung out with his friends. He said it was one of the most depressing nights of his life. He said he was working at the All State Cafe in the city. Howard said he probably got more pussy from waiting tables than he did from the movie. Kevin said definitely.
Howard said Kevin must be fucking on the side or something. Kevin said he has a funny story about that. Howard said he would love to hook him up to a lie detector. Kevin said he doesn't fuck around on his wife. He said everyone has different types of marriages and they don't fuck around. Kevin said Kyra has said that kissing someone on the set is like legal flirtation. He said he did a scene with Charlize Theron in ''Trapped'' and he was playing a kidnapper. He said in the scene he's completely naked and Charlize is about to have sex with him. He said she takes a knife out of the back of her panties to cut his cock off. Howard made the sound like he was jerking off. Kevin said he's heard that his whole life and didn't know how Howard made that sound. He said he's going to listen to the show with a new appreciation.
Kevin told Howard that he was wearing this sock on his penis. He said it's flesh color. He said that they called it a Bacon bag. He said it's like a hand puppet. He said it had double stick tape so it stays on your belly. Kevin said they did the scene and it was a weird thing to have to act like you think you're going to get it on and she's about to cut his cock off. Kevin said he had a gig with his band, The Bacon Brothers, and he went into his trailer to change. He said he flew to Toronto and then to Boson. He said he got to the hotel where he was meeting the guys and one of the guys asked what he had hanging on his pants. It was his Bacon Bag stuck to the back of his pants and he had it on from Canada to Boston. He said it was stuck to his pants with the tape.
Howard said Charlize must have been nude. Kevin said she had a tank top on. Howard said that's got to be great. Howard asked if she wears a clit bag. Kevin said she didn't but she did do something as a joke. Kevin said Charlize is kind of Tom-Boyish. He said she found a giant, bushy, mirken and she put that on. He said she took her robe off and it was a huge bush and it was hilarious.
Howard asked Kevin if he gets excited about doing a scene like that. Kevin said he gets excited about all of his big scenes. Howard said he must get hard when he's in bed with a chick. Kevin said he doesn't but he's heard about movies where the actors have done it. He said he's never had that. Howard said he had an erection in just about every scene. He said he falls in love and he's obviously not a real actor. Either that or he's the best actor.
Kevin said that it's kind of therapeutic acting out these scenes. Robin said that you do have to pull on your own stuff to do these scenes.
Howard said he read that Kevin is signed for 6 seasons for this show. Kevin said that's their option though. He said if the show doesn't do well then it's not going to go 6. He said he's getting a flat salary for it too. Kevin said things can change though.
Howard asked Kevin if he said that he wanted to play himself in a Bernie Madoff movie. Kevin said he never said that. Howard said he thought he had lost his mind. Kevin said he has played himself but would never do that in a Bernie Madoff movie.
Howard read some of the movies that Kevin has been in and asked about some of the people he's worked with like Sean Penn. Kevin said that he hangs with people and then they lose his number. Howard said he saw Meryl Streep at Kevin's house once and he talked to her about his acting. Howard said she looked at him like he was a lunatic. Howard asked Kevin to never invite him to anything like that again.
Howard asked if he's ever been so close to his cast that it fucked him up when they were done. Kevin said that it has. He said that you have to go into it and protect yourself. He said that it's possible to miss the people like they're really family and friends. He said that there are some people you become friends with and stay friends with.
Gary came in and said that they are very protective of their research. He said that Britain's ''The Sun'' quoted him about the Bernie Madoff thing. Gary said they don't make shit up. Kevin said he wasn't accusing them of making it up. Howard said Kevin said if he appears in the Madoff movie he's going to dance too. Gary said that Kevin said that he wanted to work with Robert De Niro in that movie. Kevin said that's a complete fabrication.
Howard asked Kevin about working with Denise Ricahrds and if she's one of those women who is hard to not cheat with. Kevin said she was great. He said they did Wild Things together. He said he was a producer on the movie. He said Matt Dillon got the three way in that movie. Howard said Kevin should have gotten that scene. Kevin said he helped put the movie together. He said he didn't really get any extra money out of it.
Howard gave Kevin a plug for his TV show that starts next Monday on FOX. Kevin got back to the Wild Things story. He said he was playing a part where he spies on the girls who are topless in the pool. He said that they shot him in the bushes and then told him he could go home. He wasn't going to get to see the pool scene.
Howard asked Kevin for his top 3 women he's worked with. Kevin said Charlize and Denise Richards are a couple. Kevin said he's drawing a blank. He said January Jones is beautiful. Howard was making his jerking off sound as he was naming the women. Kevin said he would do better if he had a list of the movies he's done. Howard had a list. He read a bunch of the names and Kevin would name hot chicks from some of the films. Kevin said John Candy was beautiful in ''Planes, Trains and Automobiles.'' Howard was still doing the jerking off thing with his cheek. Kevin didn't want to do it and end up on video making that sound. He did end up trying it though.
Howard named more of Kevin's movies. Kevin said that Elizabeth McGovern, Julia Roberts and others were beautiful. Kevin said they're remaking ''Flatliners.'' He said they remade Footloose and Friday the 13th. He said they must be up to the letter F right now. Kevin was in Diner too. Howard said he was in JFK and worked with Joe Pesci. Kevin said he heard Jim Breuer doing his Pesci the other day on the show.
Howard asked Kevin if he was tempted to do Demi Moore. Kevin said she was married to Bruce Willis and he was married to Kyra.
Howard said there's a scene where Kevin gets up and dances in front of the town counsel. Howard said he read that he broke out in hives during that scene. Kevin said that he hates speaking in public and he did break out. He said that's a true story. Kevin said he thinks about his kids getting married and he'd hate to have to make a speech. Howard said he hates making speeches too. Kevin said that's a weird thing and he wishes he could have figured that out while he was in therapy.
Kevin said that he had hives on his mid section during that Footloose thing. He said that it was the biggest scene he had ever had and he was nervous about it. He said it made a ring around his whole body.
Howard said Benjy went to a town counsel and made the Footloose speech. Kevin said that's brilliant. Benjy said it was in august of 2011 for the toll fare hike. Kevin said that's hilarious. Howard played some of Kevin doing his speech in Footloose. Then he played Benjy doing the same at the town counsel meeting. Kevin was cracking up hearing that. Howard said the tape of him doing it is great. Howard said they have video so Kevin said he wanted to see it. Kevin asked if he did the whole speech. Benjy said he did. He said he made the whole 2 minute and 40 second speech and they allowed it. Benjy said he did the pounding on the table and all of that. Howard played more of the speech and said it was amazing that they didn't say a word and let him continue. Kevin cracked up when Howard would play the clip.
Howard said that he hopes that Kevin's new show does well. He gave him some plugs and Kevin said that he has the DVD. Howard said Jon Hein told him that he watched the show. Howard said Jon loved it. Robin said Jon didn't tell her that. Kevin said that he's proud of it. Howard said Jon would tell him the truth about it.
Howard took a call from Debbie the Pet Lady who was crying when he picked up. Debbie asked who was on the phone. Howard said it was him and Kevin Bacon. Debbie said she's a big fan of Kevin's. She said that she loves his movies. Howard said he has a big cock too. She told Kevin not to trust Howard Stern. She said they're all liars. She started screaming and went off on them. Howard thanked Kevin for coming in. Debbie was still screaming in the background. She was asking why they hate her. Howard said he doesn't hate her. Howard said Kevin doesn't trust him. He told Kevin to wish his beautiful wife the best. Howard wished him the best with The Following. He said even Debbie the Pet Lady will be watching. Debbie said she won't. Howard let her keep crying and yelling as he was wrapping up with Kevin. Howard thanked Debbie for calling in and making no sense. She said he never gives her any time. Howard said he has to get going now. She hung up and Howard went to break.
Howard came back and said it seems like a Harry Nilsson kind of day. He said he really should get to the news but he had a lot of things he didn't play. He said he had a lot to talk about but they were very guest heavy today.
Howard said that they had a bunch of Hanzi songs to play. Howard played some audio of Hanzi flipping out on the show yesterday and then some song parodies they put together using those clips. They had a Beatles song with Hanzi clips edited in.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it seems like they save the best shows for Wednesdays. He said they have the most unconventional interviewing techniques and it makes them very unique. He said he loves the show today. Howard said he's going to give him another Hanzi song thanks to that call. Howard played the song and it was the Loony Tunes theme with Hanzi clips edited in. The caller asked Fred to play a song that he misses hearing. Fred said he would try to find it.
Howard said Fred is going to d a special show on Howard 101 at some point and he's going to give the origin of all of the drops he plays. Howard said he knows that people will tune in. Howard said that Fred can do that now. He asked him to play a drop that he could make an example of. Fred said they're going to give a lot of background on some of those clips. Howard said he's going to have Fred do that now. Fred played Grandpa Al Lewis doing his ''Blah, blah, blah... huh'' clip. Howard asked the caller if he knew that one. He didn't know. Robin said it was Grandpa Al. Howard thought it was Charles Manson. Fred said Robin was right. Howard said this is why we need to listen to Fred's special. Howard told Fred to say that was Charles Manson.
Howard said that he is going to play yet another Hanzi song parody for this caller. He played The Who's ''My Generation'' with some Hanzi clips in it. He said that wasn't the greatest one.
Robin started her news with a story about the world's most eligible bachelor which was Prince Harry. Robin said that was chosen by Town and Country magazine.
Howard said he's really bummed that Oprah got that Lance Armstrong interview. He said that might put her on the map with that cable channel of her's. Robin said she still doesn't have any programming on that channel though. Howard said he does love that she has to work after thinking she was going to retire after ending her TV show.
Howard said he wanted to talk to Robin about this thing called FaceMate where they find people who have similar facial features to you. He said he can't think of anything more horrifying than dating someone with similar facial features to him. Howard said with his luck he'll go on and he'll get his mother. Howard told Gary when they have their big writing meeting on Friday he wants to bring up the FaceMate thing and find their counterparts. Howard said he wants to meet his own and he wants to have a prayer vigil for Benjy's.
Robin read about some extreme eating awards. She said that there's a Bistro Shrimp Pasta that's 3,100 calories at the Cheesecake Factory. Howard said his daughter went to dinner with him and the restaurant brought over a piece of cake for him and it must have been 10,000 calories. Howard said he ate the whole thing. He said he was up a pound and a half this morning after eating that. Robin read more about the meals that get the extreme eating award. Robin said that they have a dessert that's 2,300 calories. Robin had a few others that were over 1,000 calories. Howard said they did that story about the McRib and what that's full of. He said it doesn't even have any rib in it. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from Debbie the Pet Lady and told her he doesn't have time for this. He said he has to do news. Debbie asked for 2 minutes. Howard said she has one minute. Debbie said she needs a minute. Howard said the minute is up already. Robin said she's eating it all up asking for the minute. Debbie asked if Howard still likes her. Howard said yes. Debbie said that he has no idea what they've been doing to her. She said Will and ''Shelly'' (Shuli) were mean to her. She said they told her she's unstable and she's mean to Howard so they won't let her do anything. Howard had ''Shelly'' come in. Shuli came in and said he tried to include her in the Block Party. He said he said he couldn't promise her anything but he might be able to get her a room. Debbie said they canceled her Howard TV. Howard said they'll get all of this straightened out. Shuli said that they said they didn't want Debbie at the hotel so he wasn't able to get the free room for her. Howard said he's done with this and said he doesn't want to hear anymore about the block party.
Robin asked Howard if he's engaged to a woman and you return home and find your former love and you're still in love with her. Robin said the woman you're engaged to discovers you're no longer in love and you're the love of her life. She gets sick and she loses her will to live and dies. Then the father dies and leaves you his entire estate. Robin asked if you keep the money. Howard said yes, of course. Howard said he'd feel horrible th rest of his life but he'd take the money. Howard said he'd donate it to the North Shore Animal League. Howard said when someone leaves you money you don't question it. Howard said that if the father is dead and the daughter is dead then take the money. He said he would take it. He said he'd feel terrible but he'd take a vacation with it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he saw last night's ''Justified'' last night. Howard said he did not. Robin said there were two this week. Howard said there was only one. Robin said there were two for her. The caller asked if JD is hot for the girl playing the hooker. Howard asked JD which one he's hot for. JD said he doesn't watch the show so he doesn't know who she is.
Howard had Robin get back to her news. Robin read a story about a guy who was the superintendent of an apartment complex and he was arrested for breaking into an apartment and having sex with a pet. The pet was a Labrador retriever. Robin said they discovered this crime with a Nanny Cam. Robin said these people saw the guy having sex with their dog. Robin said he will do some time and then he's going to be marked as a sex offender. Howard wondered why the guy didn't just get his own dog. Robin said he must have been watching this dog before he broke in and got her.
Howard played another Hanzi song parody. They had the Twilight Zone theme with Hanzi clips edited in. Howard said he doesn't know about that one. He played another one that he liked.
Robin said that Coca Cola wanted to be part of a weight loss regimen and they're going to have the 2 minute ad playing. Robin had some audio of the commercial. Howard said this is like the Taliban coming out with a video saying they're going to fight terrorism. Howard said it's funny that celebrities are still okay with taking soft drink maker money but not cigarette money. He said that this stuff is making kids fat and they don't care. He said they wrote about this in the NY Times. Howard said that he will take that money but he's going to take it with a wink. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Howard said he's so glad that Brad Pitt's last movie ''Killing them Softly'' bombed. Howard said that his own people are saying that he insists on letting his facial wrinkles show. Howard said that's what they blame the bad box office on. Robin said that's such bullshit. She said they're just bad movies. Howard said that asshole knows how he feels now. He said that's how Benjy and Fred feel too.
Howard said he's going to the doctor today and he's thinking about getting a flu shot. Howard said he might be out for the next month if he gets sick. Robin said he's going to have the world's worst reaction ever recorded. Howard said they might just put the flu into him. He said that's what he wants so he can just get sick already. Robin said he did that already. He was sick over their vacation. Howard said they're making him nuts on the news. Robin said that they made her take it because she was under a doctor's care.
Howard said he read about an 88 year old who married for the first time. Robin said there's still hope for her then. Howard said there's still hope for Ronnie too.
Robin said that the feds are rounding up the Mafia. Robin said they're looking into the Mafia control of the private garbage hauling industry. Robin said if they want it then let them have it. She said the arrests began early this morning. Robin said that they may have 20 people in custody today. She said that the Mafia may be making a come back.
Howard said JD and Jason are happy. He said this guy was running around giving people wedgies making a video and people are suing him. Howard said Jason and JD can sue people over that now. Howard said people are willing to do crazy things to make videos for the web. Howard asked if Jason put that up earlier. Jason said he did.
Howard said that Scott DePace got a Twitter account (@SDePace) and he has to stop tweeting during the show. Scott said he did it during the commercial break. Howard said he should be working. Scott said he does work. He said that Jason has to tattle on him over that.
Gary said that they missed some good stuff last week when J.B. Smoove was in when Scott went to the bathroom. Scott said he does have to go to the bathroom at some point.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that down in Atlantic City they have ''... and Various Howard Stern personalities'' on the billboard for the Block Party. Howard said he doesn't want that and he doesn't know why his name is involved in that. Howard said he has to put Ronnie back in the limo and off the Block Party. Howard said that he wants that taken down today. He said he has created a monster.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that Brad Pitt is still handsome and that movie ''Killing Them Softly'' was just awful. He said Brad is like 50 this year.
Howard took a call from Wheels who said that Glenn Beck is starting his own town. Howard said good. He said he might have to start his own too. Wheels said that he has an internet TV show and he charges people $5 a month and he's got 250,000 viewers. Howard asked Wheels how much money that is. Wheels said that at the end of the year it's $125 million. Howard asked Fred if that's right. Fred said he didn't know. Wheels said Howard could do that and make that kind of money. Robin said that it's not 125 million. She said it was 1.25 million. Wheels said that $5 was per month. Fred said it was 15 million a year. Wheels said that's not right either. Wheels said that Howard could do the same thing and make even more. He said that's what his point was. Howard let Wheels go and did a live commercial read a short time later.
Howard said Mariann from Brooklyn got him lottery tickets for his birthday. He said they were scratch off tickets. He said he didn't want to waste them so he was scratching them off with his pen holder. He said he won a dollar. He said he was going to throw it in the garbage but he didn't want to waste it. He told JD to go out and buy lottery tickets with that. Howard thanked Mariann for that and picked up on her. Mariann said she didn't get the flu shot then maybe they'll be safe if everyone else gets it and they don't. Howard said he was staring at JD. Howard asked if he was annoyed that he gave him that. JD mumbled something about not knowing. Mariann started to go on and on a bit so Howard hung up on her. She was talking about how Fred gave him the best gift. Howard told JD to go invest that dollar with Scott DePace.
Robin read a story about a special that was going to air about a rap star who has 11 kids with 10 women. Robin said some groups heard about it and protested so the show won't air on the Oxygen network now. Howard said that behavior like that shouldn't be rewarded. He said it's good they put a stop to that.
Howard said he got a letter from a woman who thanked them for putting Jason's pot dealer on the show. She thought it was great that they put him on and opened up a dialog about the legalization of pot. Howard said he had an email from someone who said that he should give up on Bradley Cooper giving him a shout out if he wins an award because he didn't even demonstrate how he does his Elephant Man lines on the show. Howard read a note from someone who asked Shuli not to let Scott back on the Block Party. Howard read an email from someone who said a cardboard cut out of Scott would be just as good and no one would notice the difference. Howard said some people liked his playing of the Cajon. Howard said people loved the George Takei game but they hated that Bobo got to play it. Howard said that Bobo is a listener just like everyone else.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said his arm feels like it's going to fall off after getting a flu shot yesterday. Howard said he was told it would hurt for half the day. Robin said it didn't bother her at all. Howard said Robin deserves an award.
King asked why the iPhone is declining now. Howard said the other guys are making cheaper phones. He said the iPhone was never really number one.
Howard said he got a note about Scott DePace being in Gary's office yelling at him for what he said. Gary said that's not right. He said he's talking to Doug about some stuff, not DePace. Jason said he heard Gary yelling about DePace so that's his fault. Gary said he's going to move Jason down the hallway. Jason said he didn't understand. Jason said he's sorry he got it wrong but he knows Howard wants him to report on this stuff. Howard said they need a cone of silence there. Howard said Gary needs a better door. Howard told Gary to work it out. Gary said he will take care of it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has only had the flu once and it was the year he got the flu shot. Howard said he's not getting the shot. Fred said he's had the flu shots and he's never had a problem. The caller said he was required to get it because he was a fire fighter. Howard said he believes this guy. Howard said he doesn't want the flu. Robin said he had it already. Howard said he doesn't need it again. He said he knows he'll have a reaction to it because he has a psychosomatic reaction.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him he should get it. Then Bobo called in and said he got sick for a year after getting a flu shot. Howard said Bobo also believed the Mayan prophecy. Bobo said he knows that but he's right about this. He said he's not on the fence about this one. Howard said Bobo is very out of it. Howard said his brain does work but not very well.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that it's killing her that he's even considering getting a shot. She said that the media wants to make him crazy about this. Howard said he has that fucking AGT starting up in March and that's when the height of the flu is. Robin said that's when it ends. The caller told him to stay away from the medication. Howard asked what her credentials are. Robin said she's a long time listener. The caller said that Howard is smart and he shouldn't do it. Howard said he doesn't know what he's going to do. He said if he gets the flu he's going to kill himself. He said he wishes he wasn't neurotic and he could think for himself. He said he has millions of regrets. Howard said he has his mother's voice in his head. Fred played a bunch of her audio clips and Howard had a conversation with her through those clips.
Robin told Howard to just go get the shot and be done with it. Howard said that's it, he's getting the shot. Then Fred played Ray Stern saying ''Hello?'' and he changed his mind. Howard said he has to talk to mommy for one second. Ray said ''Oh cut it out Howard.'' Howard said he's going to forget it. Howard said that if he was a Kennedy they'd gut her voice out of his brain. Howard said he wants her to leave him alone. Fred played her saying ''Huh?'' a few times.
Robin got back to her news and read about Lance Armstrong and the interview he did with Oprah Winfrey. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about how they tried to expose this stuff years ago but they were annihilated by Armstrong. Howard asked if people are still wearing those yellow arm bands. Robin said that she saw someone had changed it to ''Liestrong'' from ''Livestrong.''
Howard said he got an email from someone who said that they should do a show with his parents voices recorded. They could do movie reviews. Howard asked Gary how they could make that happen. Gary said maybe they can do a movie a week. Gary said that he has to work on it. Howard said they'll work on it on Friday at the writing meeting.
Howard said people loved Tom Arnold on the show. He said they could have him in every week. Robin got back to her Lance Armstrong story and had some more audio of people talking about what he reveals in this Oprah interview.
Howard said he's freaking out. He asked if he should pick up on the Flu. He picked up before Robin answered. Richard was in the back saying that he's going to be pissing out his ass this weekend. Flu said the shot won't keep him away. Richard said they don't have a shot to guard against the retarded flu. Howard said he can't believe the flu got a hold of him.
Robin read about what the president will be doing on Monday for Martin Luther King Jr. day. Howard said he wishes that Martin Luther King could come back and see that we have a black president. Howard said he thinks that would be great. Howard said he's very moved by that thought.
Robin read about some gun safety outlines that will be coming out today. Robin said that some people are upset with the Obama agenda. Robin had some audio of a Congresswoman commenting on that. Robin had some audio of a commercial that a gun rights group put out. Howard said they have new laws there in New York and everyone feels good about it. He said Cuomo got that done almost overnight. He said that he's good. Howard said they are saying that they don't want to let mentally ill people have guns but he's not sure how they're going to figure out who is mentally ill. He said he thins his whole staff is mentally ill.
Robin read as story about a group of men who killed a drug dealer and said they were trying to clean up the neighborhood. They killed and dismembered the man. Howard said that's an angry killing. Robin said that they took things into their own hands.
Howard asked who sent him the story about Anna Kendrick tweeting out that she masturbated to Ryan Gosling in a theater. Howard said men can masturbate to cartoon characters. Robin said that women need a human being to get hot over. Howard said this story doesn't even sound true. Benjy said it is true. He said that he could read it. Howard said that was okay, he believed him.
Robin read about a suicide bomber that blew himself up in Kabul. Robin read about two others who were shot and killed before they could do the same. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:35am.
Steve Brandano said he's not sure that Gary is going to want to talk about this. Gary came in a second later and Jon told him what they were talking about. Jon said that Jason wants to report on everything he sees. Gary said that every decision you make there has repercussions. Gary said he could throw Jon under the bus for something but he'd think to himself before doing it. He said he has to make that decision if he wants to hurt that relationship. Gary said Jason doesn't seem to care but he's not trying to take a shot at him. Gary said he thought he was one of those people that Jason wouldn't throw under the bus. Jon said Jason will do it and then he's done with it.
Jason said it's not just that he walks away. He said he wasn't trying to throw Gary under the bus. He said he was just letting Howard know there was an argument going on in Gary's office. Jason said this is what makes the show fun. He said stuff like that is going to be recorded.
Jason said that he handed Scott's tweets to Gary and he ran them right to Howard. Gary said there is something different between that and a closed door conversation in his office. Gary said there is no way he heard them talking with his headphones on. Jason said he did. Gary said he heard that he had his ear to the glass to find out who was in there. Gary said they weren't that loud so there's no way he heard them with his headphones on. Jason said he did hear him yell over his headphones. Jason said he heard him say ''I'm not here to make enemies.'' Gary said he did say that but he thinks Jason was close enough to hear it. Jason said he heard it over his headphones.
Jon asked if Jason crossed the line. Gary said Jason has to do what he has to do. Jason said he doesn't feel that he crossed the line at all. He said he'd do the same with Doug. Gary said he doesn't report to him though. Jason said he'll check with Gary every time then. Jason said that if he tells him not to report on him then he won't. Gary told him to just keep doing what he does.
Scott DePace came in and asked if the two lovers made up. Jason said Gary is mad at him. He said he's beside himself thinking that Gary couldn't wait to bring in Scott's tweets. Gary said that Jason put them together. Gary said that he did bring them to Howard after Jason put them together.
Doug said that Scott did do something and he got thrown under the bus. Scott said he doesn't see the harm in doing that during a break. Gary said that it might be a break but it might not be time to do other things. Gary said that Howard might think the show doesn't have his full attention.
Scott said when he's really busy and hyper focused on the show he has to decompress during the breaks. He said he doesn't see the harm in going on the computer during the break. Gary asked if he can see why some would see that as wrong. Scott said he can and he won't do it anymore. Scott said he sits there in his office doing his thing and he never leaves the room. Jason said he saw him out there doing interviews the other day. Scott said he doesn't sit out there for whole commercial breaks. Jason said he did that the other day. He said he doesn't care if he does but he shouldn't claim he doesn't do it. Jason said he's going to check the tapes to see if he does.
Doug was defending Scott over the whole thing. Scott said that he knows that these guys all do frivolous shit during the show. Gary said he doesn't do it anymore. Jon admitted he has. Jason said he doesn't care that Scott tweets during the show but Scott has called him out on it before so he did the same today. Jon went to break a short time later.
Gary said he was wrong and he had to apologize to Scott about that. Scott missed the apology. Doug said this involved an accusation by someone who got this all tangled up in a web.
Scott said that Jason had his ear up to the door trying to find out what was going on. Jason said he heard Scott's name and he was wrong when he thought he was the one in the office with Gary.
Gary asked Jason if there is anyone who he wouldn't fuck with on the show. Jason corrected him and said he wasn't fucking with Gary. Jason said if he saw Fred fucking with someone he'd send a note to Gary. He said he couldn't send the note to Gary because it was Gary he heard yelling. Scott asked if he would report on Gary having an argument with his wife. Jason said it's only with the staff there. He said if Tim and Gary are having an argument at 9 in the morning he's going to report on it. Gary said that they've had arguments at 2 in the afternoon and he didn't report on it. Gary said that he has reported on him having arguments with Ross. Jason said it's one thing to have an argument in the afternoon and something else during the show.
Jason said that he isn't sure where the line is there. Doug said that Gary is his boss. He said he's not sure he should be doing it. Jason said he'll just stop with everyone. Doug said they were talking to Howard about it off the air and they were saying that it's good for the show.
Will said that Doug and Scott were talking to Howard about it and said that they would have fired him if he was on their staff. Doug said that he also said that you don't know where the line is. He said that it's a double edged sword.
Gary said that Howard says that he's the executive producer and he wants him to run the office like an office is run but no office in the world runs like their office. Gary said he tells him to scare his staff to respect him but he can't when stuff like this is going on. Gary said Stuttering John was like this and he could never threaten to fire him because he just couldn't do it. He said he cant do that with Jason either.
Jason said that Gary knows he respects him. He said that he doesn't see this as a lack of respect. He said he was reporting on something funny for the show. He said if Gary tells him not to do it anymore without saying something to him then he'd do it in a heartbeat. Gary said it's pretty tense in the office lately and that's kind of pushing things.
Jason said he has had this conversation with Gary before. He said it's hard to have respect when Gary is only there for 3 days a week. Gary said that's not a discussion for the air. They went to break a short time later.
The caller said he thinks that Gary was irritated by the disrespect after it all came out. He said that he seems like he's trying to get Gary into more of an argument. Jason said he does needle him a bit. He said he was surprised at how upset Gary was about it.
Will asked if he would do that if Jon was arguing with Gary. Jason said that he would do it if it was a similar situation to what happened today. He said it was an argument about something that had just happened on the show.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Gary seems to be on a power trip lately. He said that it seems like it was after the whole Home Theater thing. He said Gary does whatever he wants to do on the show. He said that the fans relate to him and now he has a closed door meeting and he's not taking care to make sure no one is listening. He said that a true executive producer would make sure no one was listening. Gary said Jason said he would have reported on it no matter where it was happening.
Gary said that he might be kind of full of himself. He said not everyone there is created equally. Jason asked if he wants him to be more respectful. Gary said he wished that it had been a harder decision for Jason to make. He said it didn't bother him either. Gary said that's why he's upset. Jason said he doesn't want to be feuding with him and he doesn't think he crossed the line but he'll stop doing it. Doug said maybe he if he had a list of people that he can't report on it would be different.
Jason said the reason it was a snap decision is because it had just happened on the air. He said that if it was another argument then he would have hemmed and hawed over it. Gary asked if he's going to make a note about something if he has an argument with Tim sometime in the afternoon. Jason said it depends on what they're arguing about.
Jon said he's wondering why Gary is surprised over this. He said he's always done this. This isn't new. Scott said that Jason can turn on you in a second and he wouldn't want him on his side in a war.
Gary said he was so angry trying to deal with other stuff that he didn't want to deal with that on top of it. Jason said he wishes that Scott actually was in there and that they had kept fighting on the air. He said he wasn't trying to get Gary or Scott in trouble.
Scott said that Jason has that smile on his face the whole time he's apologizing. He said that's what bothers him. Jason said Scott has that smirk on his face too though.
Jon took a call from Ralph who said that both of the fights were inaccurate and he finds that funny. He said it's such a rush that no one checks to see if they're right. He said maybe he should double check. He said there are repercussions.
Jason said he has gone home feeling sick after saying things on the air. He said he said something about Ronnie on the air and he went home sick to his stomach after Ronnie came to him and told him how upset he was. Ralph said maybe Jason should think some of this through a little bit. He said some of it is fun but when he hurts people it's going to last. Jason said he doesn't do it to hurt people. Jason said he could write a book about the stuff he's kept secret. He said he's surprised by Gary's reaction to this.
Jason said he keeps a lot of things secret. He said he doesn't tell every story. He said the one thing he really felt bad about was when he reported on Sal using Howard's megaphone. He said he felt really bad about that and he wasn't trying to hurt Sal with that. Ralph said he should think twice about this stuff.
Gary asked Jason if he has ever come in asked about something and had him tell him it's none of his business. Jason said no but this wasn't some mind blowing information. He said he heard loud voices and he was just reporting on something that had just happened on the show. Jason said that he will do whatever Gary wants him to do. He said if he wants him to stop then he'll stop. Gary told Jason to just take a single thought.
Ralph said this really isn't a big deal. Gary agreed. Jason said that Doug is the king of two faced people. He said that he gets half of his information about Scott from Doug. Doug said that was like 2 years ago he did that. He said he doesn't do that anymore. He also said he told Scott about that when he did it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jason sounds like he's mocking people all the time. He said he's so annoying. The caller said that he keeps saying that he doesn't know who his boss is. Jason said he won't do it anymore then. He said he'll stop doing this like he stopped smoking weed. The caller said he throws all of his friends and bosses under the bus. Jason said he's going to stop since the caller brought this up.
Jason said if Gary wants to have a conversation about what happened first then he'll do that. He said he doesn't know what else to say.
Gary said he's looking at the board with the callers and it ranges from all over. Jon took a call from a woman who said she would like someone to clarify between the two Scotts. She said she doesn't know which one has the high IQ and which one is the bowler. Gary said Scott is the director of the TV show who has a high IQ. Scott the Engineer is also bald and he produces bits and he bowls and he's got the black cloud.
The woman said that Gary is a pussy pants. She said Gary never lets anyone finish a though. She said that he always says ''But no'' all the time and ''Lets be honest.'' She said that he's very annoying. She said he's been saying 'I can't tell you why but that's the way I feel.'' Gary said he can tell her why he hates her. He said he thinks she's obnoxious and he knows how he feels about her. He asked her if she knows exactly how she feels about things all the time. He said he's really interested. Jon said he's not and hung up on her.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Benjy isn't that funny on the show but he thought the Footloose bit was funny. He asked who came up with that idea. He also said he thinks Gary is great on the show. Gary said Benjy thought of that bit on his own. He said Kevin was in hysterics today and he thought that it was the funniest thing he had seen. He said he really wants to send him the video for Kevin to see.
Jon asked Gary about the Nerds coming in today. Gary said he likes meeting A-list celebrities but he also thinks that they're more celebrities to him than some of the people who are around now. He said he grew up watching those Nerds movies. Jon said they hold up really well actually. Jon said that Robert was talking about his brother and he slipped out of one character and eventually got back into it. Gary said he was very open and serious about his brother and family. He said it was very interesting. They spent a little more time talking about that and ended the show. They were done at 11:30am.
In the clip Howard was talking about how cold it was outside. He said it's snowing out there. Howard said he was there with Robin, Fred, Al Rosenberg and others. Howard said they almost didn't come in until his father started yelling at him on the phone. Howard said they got in the limo at 11:30 this morning and traffic was unbearable. Howard said they were going to stay home and called the station. He said Joel was going to do the show for them and they were going to take off. Howard said all they were going to do was read school closings.
Howard said Boy Gary called him up and said that he was there at work asking what he should do. Howard said he was making him look bad by showing up to work. Howard said Bruce was there too so he was looking bad. Robin said they take public transportation. Howard said their limo driver was giving them a hard time about driving in.
Howard called Gary in there and told him to stay home when he sees snow out there. Gary said he's never been faced with that situation. Howard said no one cares if he doesn't show up to work. Howard said he could stay home for 2 weeks and no one would care. Robin said they'd hardly miss him. Robin said it shows true dedication though. Howard said he's proud of him but he made him look bad. Howard said Gary said he had no problem getting there. Howard said he made him look bad. He said Alison was mad because she was serving lunch to them. He said she asked if she was a waitress today.
Howard asked Bruce why he came in. Bruce said he has to show up. He said if a train is running then he has to be there. Howard said they convinced the general manager that they didn't have to be there. They hadn't even tried to come in.
Howard said the GM told them to try getting in. Howard said they were going to try but they figured they'd never get home. Howard said his dad called and said he never missed a day of work. He said he was the one who ruined everything. He said they were all set to stay home and he ruined it.
Howard said he was going to be gloating at home because John Gambling was working and he wasn't. Howard said his father made him feel real guilty. Robin said she told them to just get into the car and go. Howard said he took the subway in with Robin. He said he's never seen such vermin before.
Howard called his parents to talk about this. He got his mother, Ray, on the line and told her that dad ruined everything. Howard said he was getting recognized on the subway today. Ray said she went to the airport with him the other day and no one recognized him there. Ray said she's very proud of him today for getting to work.
Ray said she's very proud of Howard. Howard said he's mad at Gary for showing up to work. He said he told him to go home before John Hayes sees him. Howard said he loves his mom. Ray said he did the right thing. Howard let her go a short time later.
Revelation Number 7. 01/17/06. 7:05am
Howard asked the person who belonged to the revelation about the meat and vegetables to step forward. Robin fessed up to it and said she wasn't going to talk about it if the plastic surgery story is still in there. She wants to hear about that before she'll talk about the meat and vegetables. She said that the plastic surgery thing isn't intriguing at all. Howard said that she doesn't know whose that is yet and what level it's going to.
Howard told Robin that she has to stand up and talk about her revelation just like everyone else has done or she has to leave the studio. The two of them argued about that for a minute. Howard asked her what kind of meat she used. Robin said that it's not even true so she could try and get out of talking about it.
Artie said that he'd like to hear the story but so far there's only been two good ones, the abortion and the cheating. Other than that he doesn't like any of them. Artie said that he's going to be carrying the show with his revelation so she'd better start talking.
Robin said that she was a young girl and she would wake up in the middle of the night so horny that she would use meat and vegetables. Howard said that Robin has always talked about how sexual she is. She continued on and said that she was so horny at 19 or so that she'd be on fire. She had to relieve it somehow. She said she'd look at things like bottles and anything else she could put in there. She eventually went into the refrigerator and found a cucumber to use. She said that it was a little too ''girthy'' for her so she went and found frozen hot dogs which were too small. She said she did try them out though. She eventually found some nice sausage and used that.
Howard asked if she put it back after using it. Robin said ''Hell no!'' and explained how she would throw the stuff out and had to try and hide it so no one would know. She had to satisfy her itch though and used whatever she could. She also said that she would lay on her back when she did it. She would always feel disgusted with herself after doing it, just like Howard does after he pleasures himself.
These days Robin has toys to take care of that stuff so she doesn't have to use meat. Howard asked if she's ever put anything up her ass. She said that nothing has gone up there. She said she used to make several trips to the refrigerator as she was trying stuff out and had to stay quiet so she wouldn't wake anyone.
Howard asked Robin about how big the sausage was. She said that it was pretty big, like a bratwurst or something like that. She said that sometimes she would wear through the casing and the spices would come out. Howard said that Robin has even told him that some furniture is sexy to her. She said that the stuff she uses has to be soft and pliable. She's never had anything get caught in there as she's been doing it. Howard thought that she could lose some stuff in there but she told him he doesn't know the female anatomy very well.
Howard asked Artie for a rating on that revelation. He gave her a 6 and said if it had been a dude, it would have been a 9. Robin said she was embarrassed by this so it was more than a 6 to her. Howard gave her a 4 because she had revealed some worse stuff in the past. Gary gave her a 4 or 5 because it wasn't all that great. Gary told Howard that Adrianne Curry was there and she looked really hot. Howard was going to take a break and get to her. He said he'd get to the rest of the revelations later on.
Fred said he thinks that Robin's revelation will live on for years to come. He said it's bigger than Richard's story about paying for an abortion. Robin demanded that she get a 10 for her story since it was better than Richard's.
In the clip Howard played a bit that they had created called a Beaver Break. This was a Leave it to Beaver parody. The bit had Ricky Ricardo from I Love Lucy in it. Howard played Ricky and Fred was playing Fred Mertz. Beaver was in the bit as well. It was pretty quick.
TDiHH: 1990 - Josette The Groupie. 01/17/11. 6:22am
Next up we heard a clip from January 17, 1990 where Howard had some women come in to audition for their Super Bowl party. Howard said one of them looked like Wilma Flintstone. Howard said she was dressed in all leather so he asked her if she was a dominatrix. She said she could be if he wanted. Howard found out her name was Josette and she quickly took her top off for Howard. Howard said this was pretty wild. He asked how she got so wild. Howard had Josette posing for him and showing him what she had. Howard said that he has standards and he uses the same 5 point system they use at the Miss USA pageant. Howard told Gary that they had too much lighting last year. He said they have to cover up all of the lights this year.
Josette told Howard she was a groupie for some bands like Led Zeppelin. Howard said that now she's trying to be his groupie. Howard asked how she got in bed with Robert Plant and Jimmy Paige. She said that she was at a Jeff Beck concert. She said that she had sex with both of them at the same time. Josette told Howard that he's hot too. Howard took his glasses off for her and showed her his blue eyes. Josette said that turned her on. Howard had two other girls in the room and one of them said that she wasn't turned on so Howard said she's not hired.
Howard found out that Josette was 15 at the time and she lost her virginity to Plant and Paige. Howard told her that Robin's first experience was with Jimi Hendrix. Howard asked how many men she's had end to end at once. Josette said it was just two. Howard asked if they knew she was 15. She said they didn't know. Josette said that he was happy when she did tell him.
Howard asked more questions about Josette being with the Zeppelin guys and sang some of their songs while he was talking to her about that.
Howard got all of the details about who went first and who had the bigger penis. Josette said that Robert had a big one. She said that Jimmy is average. Howard asked if it was a good experience. She said that it was. Josette said that they didn't do anything together. Howard said he thinks that it's kind of gay when two guys are in the same room. Gary said that they need some kind of variation when they're getting that much sex. He said he read the book ''Hammer of the Gods'' and learned that.
Howard asked what happened next. She said that she just went home after that. Josette said she told her mom what had happened. She said that she wasn't really okay with that but she figured that if she didn't let her do it then she might run away.
Howard said maybe the mom was doing the rest of the band. Howard asked if she saw them more after that. She said that she followed them on tour. She said she still sees them when they come around. Howard asked if she knows other rock stars she can call. She said most of them are in London so they call her when they're in town. They went to break a short time later.
TDiHH: 1994 - Billy Joel Concert. 01/17/11. 6:40am
Next up we heard a segment from January 17, 1994 where Robin talked about going to a concert with Jackie and Nancy. She told Howard that Jackie and Nancy would scream whenever anything was mentioned about Long Island. She did an impression of them yelling and Fred would throw in some Jackie yells with her. Jackie said he got up and left. Howard said he always wondered who it was that yelled at concerts. Now he knows. Robin told Howard about the concert and how Nancy would get up and scream at the top of her lungs every time Joel would mention the island. Robin said it was any reference at all. Robin said even if she just had a feeling it was about Long Island she would get up and scream.
TDiHH: 2002 - John And Vinnie Fight. 01/17/11. 10:10am
Next on This Date in Howard History we heard a segment from January 17, 2002 where Stuttering John and Vinnie Favale had a little fight. Here's what I had in my archives... with a few details added:
Various Stuff. 1/17/02. 6:05am
Howard came back from a break and said that Vinnie Favale was telling stories about Stuttering John. The two of them were both in the studio and went at each other for about 15 minutes telling stories about each other. Vinnie said that John always insults him and John said the same thing about Vinnie. The argued until Booker T came in.
John told Howard that Vinnie actually told him that he should leave the show because he could do better. Vinnie said that John is like one of those guys who just wants people to look at him at parties and things. John said that he has reached out to Vinnie to try and be friendly to him and he has invited him to parties and stuff. Vinnie said he invited him to a 4th of July party and then he hounds you asking if you're coming. Howard said he's not sure why he does that. He knows what Vinnie is talking about. Vinnie said he told John that he wasn't going and he kept asking him to come. Howard said he hounds you into coming.
Vinnie said that John is the only guy who doesn't know when the show ends. He said he carries on even after the show is over.
John said that Vinnie told him that he did something ground breaking at Comedy Central and that's why he gets paid the money he gets paid. Vinnie said that John attacks people about stuff like this because he's protected in this glass house he lives in.
Vinnie was goofing on John about his interviews and how he doesn't write all of that stuff. Vinnie said he is funny on the show but off the show he's not. Vinnie said that he's gotten to know guys like KC off the air and he's a great guy. John is always on and he's always trying to do stand-up.
John said that Vinnie is always insulting him when he hangs out with him. Vinnie said that John is the guy who isn't funny. He said he'd like to see his stage show. He said he's like Howard-lite.
Gary said that he's not going to take sides here. He said that Vinnie and John fight when they have their meetings. He said that within a minute of them being in the room together John will make a fat joke. Vinnie said that no one else is laughing at his jokes. John said that he thinks Vinnie is a frustrated guy. Vinnie said he's really not.
John asked Vinnie what he does at CBS. Vinnie said he doesn't have to tell him what he does for a living. John asked what he did at Comedy Central that was so ground breaking. Vinnie didn't answer. John kept asking what he does at CBS over and over again but Vinnie wasn't answering. Vinnie asked what John does at Howard's show. John said he asked first. John told him that this is deflection and he's not answering.
Howard heard that John had a panic attack yesterday. Gary said he saw it and it was scary. He said that John holds his heart like Fred Sanford. Then he says he has to leave. John said that he's gone to the emergency room for this and they tell him that he's okay. He said that his heart rate is really low though. Howard said he had heard enough at that point.
TDiHH: 1984 - Stump The Comedians. 01/17/11. 10:25am
Next up we heard a segment from January 17, 1984 when Howard was working at WNBC. In the clip Howard was playing a Stump the Comedians segment. Howard had people calling in and telling jokes. They had to guess what the punch line was. Howard took a bunch of calls and some of them were jokes. Others were people who were insulting Howard saying that he was doing a great job polluting the airwaves. The callers told a bunch of lame jokes that Howard wasn't impressed with. Howard gave away a prize to a guy even though he didn't deserve it. Fred called in as Mrs. Flemstein and told a bunch of jokes. He was doing better than the callers.
TDiHH: 1995 - Fred The Elephant Boy. 01/17/11. 10:35am
Next on This Date in Howard History we heard a segment from January 17, 1995 where Howard had Fred the Elephant Boy come in to talk about how he went to Hebrew School. Howard had him speaking in Hebrew. Howard said that people must have laughed at him when he had his Bar Mitzvah. Howard didn't believe he had any friends but Fred said he did. Howard asked how many friends showed up. Fred said he didn't remember. He said it was probably 10 or 12.
Howard asked Fred what he gets paid to wear the hat he had on. He said that Fred had a strip club hat on. He said he's making all kinds of appearances and stuff now. Gary said that he was making an appearance up in Rochester, New York and Fred showed up. Howard said he heard that Fred calls the station asking them for stuff. Fred said he didn't do that. Howard heard he showed up with a bunch of people. Gary said he had about 10 people with him when he walked in. He said they had a VIP area set up and Fred brought them all in there. He said that one of the listeners said ''Fred has an entourage?'' like it was a big shock. Howard said that Fred is like the king of the dicks.
Gary said they had Fred quoted in the paper ratting someone out for being at Scores. Howard read the article and they said that this Nets basketball player was seen in Scores when he was supposed to be at practice. Howard read Fred's quote and tried doing his impression of him. Howard said he's had Fred come up to him and talk to him while he's trying to watch the girls at Scores. He said that the music is really loud and Fred is there trying to say something that he can't understand.
Howard talked about how Elephant Boy gets into these clubs by calling stations and asking. Gary told some stories about Fred and Fred was rambling about something that Howard didn't understand.
Howard asked Fred about the speech impediment he has and what he thinks that is. Fred said he thinks that it could be a minor form of Cerebral Palsey. He said that's what a doctor once told him.
Ralph came in and said that Fred was at the birthday show and he hopped on top of Mary Jo Buttafuoco. Howard said that's going to be on the E! show. Howard spent another couple of minutes talking to him about that. Ralph also asked him to bathe because he stinks. Howard said he shaves weird too.
Howard had a guy on the phone who says that he could help Fred out with his speech problems. He suggested some of the stuff they would do to help and Fred tried them. He was doing okay with that stuff so Howard said he'd have Fred take him up on the offer. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Lisa G's News Preview And Goofing On JD. 01/17/07. 7:55am
Lisa said that they have a Page 69 story about JD taking home some porn and going to a store and having the security alarm go off when he walked in. Security had to go through his bad and found the porn. Howard said this guy has the worst loser luck. He called him in there to find out what happened.
JD said he had some porn in his bag and went into a Barnes and Nobel and the alarm went off when he walked over to the DVD section. A security guard came over to him and asked to look through his bag. He had a bunch of porn movies in there and the security guy just went ''Whoa!'' when he saw them all. JD said he explained to the guy that he works on the Howard Stern Show and he got the videos there from the ''glom pile.''
Howard asked JD if he was wearing the same clothes he was wearing at the Stupid Bowl. JD said he was wearing the same clothes and he never went home last night. He said he had a lot of stuff to work on so he actually slept there at the studio. Howard said it's no wonder he can't talk. He said he had some tape of him trying to do some interviews out at the AVN awards and he could barely speak.
Howard played a clip of JD trying to do one of those AVN award interviews and he was having a major problem trying to get his thoughts out. The woman he was interviewing actually saved him and answered his question before he was done stumbling. Howard wondered what was wrong with this guy.
Robin said she was talking to JD about how he spent his Christmas and found out that his mother had run off to Hawaii with some guy she met on the internet at some point. JD didn't know she was going to bring that up on the air. He said he hasn't spoken to his mother in a few weeks but he claims he's not pissed off at her. He said he hasn't really seen her since he graduated from film school. He said he can't afford to go visit her in Hawaii and she can't really afford to fly back to New York.
Howard tried to figure out how the conversation may have gone between JD's mother and this Hawaiian guy. He wondered if the guy has one of those grass skirts. Robin laughed and JD thanked her for bringing all of this stuff up. He was being sarcastic of course. Robin said that she walked away from that conversation just thinking ''Oh my god... poor JD.'' Fred was playing some Don Ho music in the background as Howard was goofing on JD's mother and the Hawaiian guy. JD said he really doesn't think about the whole thing that much.
Howard read that JD's mother was a healer. JD said that's not true, she's an occupational therapist. Howard got back to the JD interview tape and went through a little more of that. He interviewed a black porn star and then went and interviewed some gay porn stars who were all over him. JD said that they were trying to pull down his pants and stuff. Howard played some of that and thought that was pretty crazy. The guy was unbuckling his belt as he was trying to interview them.
Howard took a call from JD's mom but it turned out to be Sal doing his Hawaiian guy impression while playing a porn clip. JD knew it was Sal. Howard got back to JD's Hawaii story and asked him more details about his long lost mother. He asked JD if he's told his mother he's banging Kimberly Kane. JD said he hasn't told her that. That eventually led to Howard and Artie saying that JD would probably turn into Curly from the Three Stooges if he showed up on his mother's doorstep in Hawaii. Fred started playing some Curly clips and Artie was doing his Curly impression during all of that. Howard thought JD was crying during that goof but JD said he was just laughing.
Howard played another JD clip where he talks to the gay guys about getting pissed on. The guy he was talking to said it was crazy but funny when the other guy started pissing on him. JD sounded more relaxed talking to that guy than he did with the female porn star he was talking to.
Howard thought it was weird that JD's mother doesn't come back to visit her family. JD said that she's not rich so she can't just fly around all the time. Howard said he'd pay for her to fly back if he wants. JD said that's not necessary, he's not looking for that. Howard asked him if he knows what this guy does for a living. JD said he thinks that he works with computers but he wasn't so sure about that.
Howard played a prank call the guys made to a toy store using clips of JD talking dirty to a porn star. He got back to JD a short time later and continued to goof on him about his mother running off to Hawaii. Artie started doing more of his Curly impression and Fred played more of the Three Stooges clips. Howard wondered if JD had ever cried over it. JD claims he has never cried over the situation but Howard found that hard to believe. Artie asked him if it bugs him that he drinks Hawaiian Punch. JD said he likes that stuff to, it doesn't bother him.
JD said that he thinks his mother is going to try and move back to the mainland eventually. They may move to Florida or somewhere like that. That got Howard doing his impression of JD's mom telling him that she's moving to Florida and then JD doing the Curly from the Three Stooges thing. Artie got in on that goof again and helped Howard goof on him. Fred even got into it and did his impression of the Hawaiian guy. Howard said he had no idea this was going on. He said JD is an interesting cat. He said it was cool that he got laid over the weekend. He also said that it's no wonder JD likes chicks on the web because it runs in the family.
Howard got back to the porn story that JD was telling. JD said he thinks he had 4 or 5 pornos in his bag when he got busted by security. He said there were balls and tits on the side of the box the security guy found. He said he had enough porn in the bag to stretch it out a little bit. Howard let JD go a short time later but continued to goof on him as he was walking out. Fred played the Hawaiian music as Howard was talking about how gross it was that JD hadn't changed his clothes since the football game.
Lisa G wrapped up her news preview and said that maybe they'll give JD's mother a call and interview her. Howard told her to leave that up to him, he might be more sensitive than the news department. Howard went to break a short time later.
TDiHH: 1996 - Summer Camp Stories. 01/17/11. 11:35am
Next up on This Date in Howard History we heard a clip from January 17, 1996 where Howard talked about this guy who was talking about him being his camp counselor. In the clip Howard was talking about what a hard ass he was as a camp counselor. Howard said there are some people who won't talk to him. One of them is this girl he dated at camp. Howard said that he didn't do anything wrong to her but she refuses to talk to him. He said he thinks he has an idea why she doesn't like him and it's because of this other guy that was at camp. He said he's not sure about that but he can't think of anything else.
Howard said he must be a total turn off. He said that the family was really nice to this Andrea and her parents loved him. Howard said that even they probably won't talk to him. He said that her mother loved him. He's not sure if she's still alive. Howard said he really doesn't know what's going on there. Howard said even when he does call people they don't want to be his friend.
Howard read about some of the things one of the guys he knew talked about him doing. Howard said he tried to get in touch with this guy but he's had some trouble. Howard said that this guy thought he was cool too. Howard said the other guy must have been cool too. Howard said most of these people don't want anything to do with him now.
Gary came in and told some stories and that led to Howard talking about how he saw Gary's penis once. Gary didn't remember that but Howard said he definitely did. He said Gary has a nice size too. Howard said he used to hide his penis when he was in high school. He said he wouldn't even shower in school. Gary said they used to see guys like Howard and torment them if they didn't shower. Howard said he wouldn't shower so he'd comb his hair and it would be all matted down. He said he'd stink all day long. Howard said he had no penis so he couldn't take a shower. He said Robin was just shaking her head in there.
Howard said he thinks his kids have seen his penis but he tries to hide it from everyone. Howard said Fred must have something going on in his pants. Fred said he has a phobia about showing his. Fred isn't circumcised. Howard said that he's gross. He told him that he has to wipe. Fred said his wife doesn't mention it. He said she may have been weirded out by it in the beginning though. Howard said he looks like a clipped poodle. Fred said it looks like a bottle nosed dolphin actually.
Gary said that Fred told him about getting injured once. He said that he got ripped down there. Howard said he wished that he wasn't circumcised. He said that anything that makes it look longer would be nice. Robin said that it's just skin. Howard said anything would help. He said he really has nothing. He was robbed and he's tall so he should be huge.
Howard said no one noticed him in school. He said there were other guys who were like him though. He said he was able to switch out of his underpants to a jock strap in one move. Howard said that sometimes he wouldn't even wear the jock strap and he's just wear his underpants. Howard said he had to do that stuff. He said he'd even wear his gym clothes under his regular clothes. Jackie said that they used to hang out in the shower and sing songs. They'd get yelled at to go home. Gary said they used to do the same thing. Howard said he wasn't into sports like Gary was. His sport was smoking pot. Howard said he had to take a break and get into some news after that.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 8:50am.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 10:50am.