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Playboy Cyber Club
Howard and the guys were back from vacation today. Howard started the show with some technical problems. He quickly fixed those and said that Gary gave him an advance copy of ZZ Top's new album. He said he liked the album and tweeted out that he was sitting there staring at the wall listening to it. Howard played one of the new songs and said those guys still have it. Howard said this song was ''Chartreuse.'' He played the song and talked about how good it is as it played. Howard and Fred talked about how great Billy Gibbons is on guitar. Howard wished that he could play that well himself. Fred said that Jimi Hendrix once said that Billy Gibbons was his favorite guitar player.
Howard asked Robin what she thinks. Robin said she's a little bit in between. She said it's a little bit dated. Howard said that's because music has gotten shittier. Howard said that this is real rock. He said the guys are like 100 years old. This is how they do it.
Howard said if this was 1983 then would Robin be okay with it. Robin said yes. Robin said that their song ''She's got Legs'' holds up. Fred didn't agree. Howard said he'd like to play the whole album but that wouldn't be cool. He said that they sent him this album and he can only play it so many times before it disappears. He said he kept playing it over and over again and he had to get cut off. Howard said he wishes that they could do that with booze so alcoholics would be better off.
Howard started the song again. He said he just wanted to hear one of the lines about chocolate mousse. The song is off their upcoming album ''La Futura'' which will be out in September.
Howard said sometimes during the AGT results shows he feels like going home. He said they don't really need him there. Robin said he's hardly on during those shows. Howard said all he has to do is stay awake. Howard said he got yelled at last week. He said he was talking to Sharon during Nick's thing and they told him that he had to pay attention because the contestant was from Roosevelt.
Howard said next week during the results show he's bringing a book with him so he can read. He said he's going to read Fifty Shades of Grey or something. Howard said they talked to him for 35 seconds in last week's show. Howard said he's not kidding about the book.
Jason was in and told Howard that they're excellent picks. Howard said he knows who they are. Howard said he's going with Spencer Horseman as one of his picks. Howard said he's bringing Horse the nut shot guy back. Howard said it's highly controversial though. Howard said people either love him or hate him. Howard said none of his guys are going to win but some of them will beat Sharon and Howie's picks. Howard said he has Ben Black the bow and arrow guy coming back. Howard said he loves when that guy comes on because he could end up killing that girl. Robin said that might be his final act. Howard said they can fast forward through dancers and singers but you never do that with this guy.
Howard said he has Horse, Spencer Horseman, Ben Black and the dog ventriloquist. Howard said he has a great act and he just needs material. Howard said he just has to get a few jokes for his 90 seconds and he'll have it. Howard said they're all fun acts. Robin asked if he went through the tapes or just remembered them. Howard said he put thought into it. He said it's funny with that though. He said that they did get rid of those people for some reason.
Howard said Howie and Sharon picked their wild cards before he got a chance to pick. He said they have experience doing that so they made their picks really quick. Howard said Howie is bringing back the kid who sings high pitch. Howard said he wanted to bring him back himself. He said this week should be a good week on AGT. He said it's all good fun.
Howard said Sal and Richard went out on the street and asked about him being a judge and the people seem to like him as a judge. Howard played some of that audio. Sal and Richard were asking if Howard should have been left out of the AGT commercials and if they think he should come back next season. One woman said that Howard is a great judge and no one cares about Sharon. Howard said it doesn't sound good for Sharon coming back next year. He said he thinks they have parted ways. Howard said he submitted Robin's name. Robin asked if Howard talked to her about it. Howard said he did. Howard said it sounds like she might talk to them but they aren't talking to her or the other way around. Howard said no one is talking about it. Howard said everyone seems to think she's gone though.
Howard said he really did submit Robin's name for the judge position. Howard played more of Sal and Richard's stuff. They had one interview with a guy who said Howard is the best judge and he loves his wife. The guy did say that he should have been in the commercials during the Olympics.
Howard told Richard and Sal to do their interviews on this block they were on. He said these people loved him. He said black people really love him as a judge. He played another interview where a guy said Howard is his dude and he loves his show. He said he's not watching the show if Howard Stern isn't on it.
Howard said that he has one where a woman doesn't like him. Howard played that one and the woman said she's glad Howard Stern is out. She said he doesn't appeal to her. She said she doesn't want Howard on the show anymore. Howard said that woman probably doesn't even own a TV. Howard said he liked the three positive ones.
Howard said the thing that drives him nuts is when they do comedy show specials and a couple of guys will look at each other and nod their heads. Howard said it drives him mad. He said that he has to just laugh. Howard said the whole thing is just weird.
Robin asked what happened with jay Leno. Howard said the whole thing is horse shit. Howard said there was an article about Jay Leno's budget being cut. Howard said Jay brought everyone from the prime time show back to The Tonight Show. Howard said NBC cut his budget and they fired 20 people from the show. Howard said Jay, because he's such a great fucking guy, took a pay cut to keep some jobs. Howard said what he thinks this really means is that Jay is a scumbag. Howard said that's what it means. He said he's a spineless maggot and he didn't want to come off as a bad guy. Howard said NBC is taking the hit for him and they came up with this budget cut thing. Howard said the show makes plenty of money. Howard said the whole thing stinks and it's bullshit. He said they have to trust him on this. Robin said it didn't sound right to her. Howard said he can hear his bullshit meter going off. Howard said Letterman isn't firing anyone. Howard said it's like Mitt Romney. He said the guy doesn't want to reveal his tax returns because he's embarrassed. Howard said he didn't do anything illegal but he pays no taxes.
Howard said that Jay Leno is full of it and they can make up those 20 salaries with one commercial. Howard said he could keep everyone. Howard said there are people who are at a job too long and they're not into it anymore. Howard said Jay probably sees that and he wants to get rid of them. Howard said he doesn't want people thinking he's a bad guy so he does things like this. Howard said Jay is a piece of work. Robin said she never would have figured that out. Howard said that's one thing he's good at figuring out. He said he didn't do well on the SATs but he's good at the JATs.
Howard said Jay Leno should release what salary he cut. Howard said he guarantees it was nothing. Howard said he thinks that's all bullshit like Mitt Romney not showing his tax returns. Howard said Mitt Romney has gotten crazy with his ads. He played a fake one they made where they say ''Barak Obama. C'mon, he's black.'' and they have Mitt Romney saying that he approves this message. Howard said that's not real of course.
Howard said when Mitt picked his running mate it sounded so gay. He said it was like it was his boyfriend. Howard played another fake ad they made where they had Mitt and Paul Ryan talking about each other like they were a gay couple.
Howard said he had a clip of some yahoo talking about abortion. He said this guy's name is Todd Aiken and he's running for some congress position. Howard said he was talking about abortion and what he'd do if a woman got raped. Howard said this guy goes into an explanation like he's never heard. Howard said most people will say that someone who is raped they'll make an exception for. Howard said this guy doesn't do that.
Howard played the clip and the guy was talking about how a woman's body has ways of rejecting something if it's a ''legitimate rape.'' The guy also says that they shouldn't punish the child they should punish the rapist. Howard asked if this guy is fucking high. The guy claimed that he had consulted a doctor on this. Howard said he'd like to know what doctor told him this stuff. Howard said this guy is out of his mind.
Howard said he's voting for Obama. He said he likes him and his wife Michelle. Howard said that they seem like nice people. He said maybe he should get rid of Biden though. He said that he says a lot of dopey things. Howard said Hillary Clinton should be Vice President. Howard said she's doing a good job. Robin said she seems to have given up from what she's seen.
Howard said he's not sure if the song is racist or not. Robin said some people think that he's socialist and that's un-American. Howard said that at least it rhymes. Howard played more of the song and the woman is singing about making the nation strong and taking it back by following the right track. Howard said she's not getting to her point. Robin said she's never going to make a point. Howard said they're only a minute in on the 3 minute long song. Howard said he has her number. They could call her down in Florida. Robin said she'd like to know who we're taking the country back from.
Howard said he'd like to know what ''legitimate rape'' is. Howard said he can't believe that anyone would vote for someone like that.
Howard played more of Noreen's song and said they're really not getting anywhere. He said they might have to call her. He said he has the feeling that the song is going to go to getting rid of the homosexual abomination in this country. Howard let it play more but the song was the same thing over and over. She never did get to her point. Howard said maybe they'll give her a call. Gary was already on it and making the call.
Howard said they have to stick to one question or they'll use up all of their time. Howard said he wants to know when the country was taken and who took it. Then they're out. Howard said he's going to tell her he's for gay marriage. Howard said he thinks that she sees him on America's Got Talent and she thinks that he's conservative. Howard said she's going to be in for a shock.
Howard said he posed for pictures with Gabby Douglas last week and she's only 4'11'' tall. He said that she's got such a magnificent body. Howard said she was on stage in super tight pants and she had so many muscles in her legs. Howard said she's a sweet kid.
Tommy said he never watched the show before this season but Jackie Evancho has a lot of talent. He said he saw her on some show on PBS and she's really good. Howard said some people thought she lip synced but she really didn't. Howard said she is very talented.
Tommy said that song ''Take America Back'' isn't as good as ''Howard Stern For Governor.'' Tommy also told Howard that the special they ran last week was great. Howard said it really was good. He said Gary is going to be the next guest on ''Playlist'' on Howard 101 this week. Howard said Fred was good on it when they had him on. Fred said he thinks that they'll get around to him again eventually.
Howard said Gary irritates him when he hears him talking about music. Howard said the special is on tonight but he heard it already and he just wanted to hear the music and not hear Gary talking. Howard said Gary was just annoying him when he heard him talking about it. Howard played a clip and Gary was talking about his juke box and what he put in it. Howard said it was just annoying to him.
Howard asked Robin if she's annoyed when Gary talks about music. Robin said that bringing up the juke box was kind of annoying. Howard said he doesn't care about Gary's youth. Fred did his impression of Gary talking about that stuff. Howard said Gary did everything he was asked to do but he's just annoyed by it. Howard said Gary is so proud when he tells him to play this stuff. Gary said he'd rather not play them for him so he won't talk about it.
Howard played another clip where Gary was talking about 9/11 and his love of Bruce Springsteen. Gary was going on and on about this concert that ran with Bruce in it and how much he was moved by it. Howard was getting annoyed listening to it. He said Gary isn't doing anything wrong but he's annoyed by him. Howard and Fred were doing their impressions of Gary talking about how great Bruce is. Gary said it sounds like someone is jealous of Bruce.
Howard played another clip of Gary talking about another song. Gary was saying that this song, ''Be My Baby'' was on an album that is close to being perfect. Howard said there's another minute and 11 seconds on this one. Howard and Fred did their impressions of Gary talking about that song. Howard let the clip play some more and talked about how annoying Gary is talking about this stuff. Howard had a Little Mikey song parody of ''Be My Baby'' so he played some of that and did more of his impression of Gary talking about the song. Howard and Fred were going on and on making fun of Gary about the stuff he was talking about.
Howard said Gary is his own personal wall of sound. He said that he just talks and talks. Howard said he will be listening to the special tonight. Howard said they must get in 3 songs in the hour. Gary said they get 10 songs in. Howard let more of the clip play and goofed on him some more. Howard said he wants to destroy Gary's juke box after hearing this.
Howard said when Gary talks music in private it goes on and on. Howard said Gary talks about Steely Dan and how much he appreciates their musical expertise. Howard and Fred were getting more and more into their impressions talking about all of that and other stuff that Gary might say. Howard said Gary loves to talk. He said his wife Mary doesn't get a word in when they hang out with them. Howard said Mary wasn't able to get a word in at dinner recently. Gary will take over and tell a story instead of letting Mary tell it.
Howard said he always wondered why Gary has big lips. He said it must be from talking so much that they get built up. He said it's like push-ups. He said he talks so much that his lips get bigger. Fred did his Gary impression and said that they're called lip-ups. He said that he can do a clean and jerk with his lips too.
Gary came in and said that he hates to ruin the fun... Howard asked if he built up his lips by talking so much. Gary said that's not it. He said that when he was in school he played the trumpet and the teacher said he might want to take up the tuba because it has a bigger mouth piece.
Gary said that Dax Shepard and Bradley Cooper are there so they have to get to them. Howard and Fred kept making fun of Gary. They kept up their impressions of Gary and asked him some questions about the music special. Gary said he doesn't think that he has any Steely Dan on that one. He said he recorded it about a month ago and he didn't remember what was in there. Howard said the special is on tonight at 7 on Howard 101. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Bradley Cooper and Dax Shepard come in. Howard said that they're two handsome movie stars. Howard said that's what he loves. Howard asked Dax about this movie ''Hit and Run'' that he wrote and directed. Howard said that he must have called in a favor to get Bradley in the movie. Dax said he did. He said that he called Bradley and asked him to do it. Howard asked if he can say no to Dax. Bradley said he has said no to him before. Dax said he's fine with that too. Howard said he has friends who ask him to do favors and some of them do nothing but ask for favors. He said it must be tough to say no.
Bradley said that Dax is one of the smartest guys he knows and he's doing him a favor by putting him in the movie. Howard said he saw the move and he loved it. Howard said Beth didn't see it because she was out at a movie premiere. Howard said he stayed home and watched ''Hit and Run.'' Howard said that Beth saw some Gwyneth Paltrow movie.
Howard said that Dax seems to have gotten the entire group from Jimmy Kimmel's party. Dax said that only Kristen is in it. Howard said Tom Arnold is in it too. Dax aid that's true. Bradley asked what party this was. Howard and Dax said it's the party Jimmy Kimmel threw in Howard's honor out in L.A. Howard said Jimmy uses that as an excuse to have a party at his house. Howard said he likes the party too.
Howard asked Bradley about doing the A-Team movie and how Tony Scott just killed himself. Bradley said he met him just once. He said he didn't direct it like Howard thought. Howard said he's not sure why someone would kill themselves if they're a successful director. Howard said he apparently jumped off a bridge.
Howard said a lot of people in his audience want to make a movie so they want to find out how that works. Howard said he wants to know how he pays Bradley Cooper. Bradley said that he told his agent that this is what's happening and this is how much he's getting. Howard asked what the movie cost to make. Dax said all he's going to say is that it would take most people $15 million or more to make it. Dax said he used his own cars and did his own driving in the movie so that alone is worth $15 million. He said he was able to get that done for just a couple million.
Dax said that they all own a piece of the movie so they'll make money if the movie does well. Dax said he got money from an investor within days. He said that it didn't feel right because this guy put up money within days. He said he was afraid it was going to be some loan shark or something.
Howard said that Kristen Bell is Dax's fiancee. Howard said Dax has said that he won't marry her until gay marriage is legal. Howard said that's brilliant. Howard said he doesn't think that relationship will last forever if he's really in love. Bradley said he thinks that it will last. He said he's a great family guy. Dax said it's just not cool to have a party for marriage when his gay friends can't do it. Howard said Bradley will never get married. Howard said the last time he was in the studio he was dating Renee Zellwegger. Howard said two days later they broke up. Robin said that Bradley never said that he was dating her. He refused to talk about it. Bradley said that's true. He said Howard also told him that he will never get married.
Howard said that he did ask him about Renee and Bradley said he didn't want to talk about it. Bradley and Dax said that his impression of him was great. Howard wasn't even trying to do an impression. Bradley said he won't talk about his love life. He will talk about what he makes doing movies but not about that stuff.
Dax said he can't believe that Howard spent time bowling with them and he still can't see how much he loves Kristen. Howard said he should marry her already. Dax said that's not Howard's style. Howard asked if there is something sexually holding him back. Dax said that's exactly it. Dax said that he told her that she has to open up fully to him.
Howard said he wants to give Bradley's full resume. Dax and Bradley cut Howard off and said that Dax is going to be on Piers Morgan tonight. Howard talked about his experience on the show and how he was his second guest. Howard said Piers was trying to antagonize him by saying he's the king of all media. Howard said he didn't want to fight with him over that. Howard said he's 58 and he doesn't want to fight about something like that. Howard said Piers hadn't even gotten a ratings book yet and he hadn't earned the title. Howard said he likes Piers though.
Dax said he wonders who will be Stern when Howard retires. Howard said he thinks that he is a unique conglomeration of his parents and all of those experiences that have gone into what's so warped about him. He said there are so many neurotic nuances in him that no one else has. Bradley said that the thing that he has noticed about Howard is that he's got kind eyes. Bradley said that he has no anger in him when he asks the questions he asks. Howard said he doesn't have anger. He said that words are meaningless according to his mother. Howard said everything was a joke with her and it was all done to get a laugh. Howard said it wasn't done to be hurtful. Bradley said that he grew up in a family where they ripped each other apart.
Dax said he listened to the Chris Martin interview and he could hear the two sides that they had with their wives. He said that he sees why Howard wants to know why he isn't marrying Kristen.
Howard asked Bradley if he played the elephant man in a play. Bradley said he did. Howard said that's what he wants to play. Bradley said he remembers Howard talking about that years ago and how he did the impression. Howard asked if he could do his impression of the elephant man. The guys told him to go for it. Howard did his Elephant Man and had the guys cracking up. Dax said it was super good. Bradley didn't want to do his impression. Bradley said he did put on the voice and made the face. Howard did more of his impression and had Dax cracking up.
Howard asked Bradley how he played the part. Bradley said that he wasn't able to use any prosthetics. He said he had to do it his own way. Bradley said that he saw the movie and that inspired him to become an actor. Bradley said he discovered the play when he was in grad school and they were laughing at him when he did it. He said he had to read it in front of people and he did kind of what Howard just did but not as good. Howard said Bradley is a good looking dude so he must twist his face. Howard told him to do it. Bradley said he can't do it. Howard asked why not.
Dax asked if they had seen the Danny DeVito story with Manute Bol playing Danny DeVito. Howard asked Dax why he won't do the impression now. Bradley said it's just so silly. Howard said he knows how to do it though. Bradley said he respects the real guy and he kind of loves this guy. Howard said he should do it then. Bradley said it's like doing a magic trick. Dax said he did it on the whole plane ride there. He was doing his impression of Bradley doing it on the plane. Dax had Bradley cracking up. Bradley said he respects the guy and takes it very seriously. He didn't want to cheapen it according to Dax. Dax said that would be like De Niro not wanting to do his character. Howard said he can do De Niro's Awakenings character too. He did that and it was just like his Elephant Man. Then he did another one that was very similar.
Howard said that the movie is called ''Hit and Run'' and it's really fun. Dax said it's kind of like Smokey and the Bandit if it was updated. Howard asked if he wanted to get her naked in the movie. Dax said he did think about how they should have done a sex scene. He said the only reason there isn't one is because they've been in a relationship for a year and a half. Howard asked if she would have shown her tittie. Dax said maybe she would have if he had asked but he didn't ask her to. Howard asked Dax if he goes insane when he sees her doing other movies with other guys. Howard said that would drive him nuts. He said it drove him nuts with Beth when she did a TV show and had a guy making out with her. Howard said he did a scene with Mary McCormack in Private Parts and he dropped to his knees and grabbed her tittie. Howard said he just improv'd that.
Dax said it really doesn't bother him when Kristen is doing stuff like that. He said she's on that show ''House of Lies'' and she had a lot of sex scenes. He said that doesn't drive her wild. He said that if she was out to dinner talking to someone about dinner theater then he'd be worried.
Howard asked Dax if he envy's Bradley and his ''love 'em or leave 'em'' attitude. Dax said he envy's Bradley about a lot of stuff. He said Bradley is very honest about things and he'll walk him through stuff like a therapist. He said that Bradley has been great in his life.
Howard asked Bradley about the other women that Bradley had been with. Howard said he read that he cheated on Renee with Jessica Biel. Dax said that must be it. Howard asked Bradley if he dated Jessica. Bradley said he wasn't even close. Howard said they have very good information saying he did. Dax said their information isn't good. Howard said he read that he dated Zoe Saldana too. Bradley said he doesn't like to talk about this stuff. Howard said that's a yes. Howard said he dated Scarlett Johansson and French actress Melanie Lauren too. Bradley said that's not true. Howard asked if he dated Kristen Bell and Olivia Wilde. Dax jokingly said that was all true.
Howard said that Bradley did a movie where they had a stripper shoot a ping pong ball into his mouth from her vagina. Bradley said that it didn't actually go in his mouth but it hit his lower lip. He said he had to go and use a Wipe-It to clean it off. He said that he downed a bottle of peroxide after that too. Dax said he went to Thailand to see him doing the movie and he went to a strip club and this stripper was smacking one guy's face with her pussy. He said that she wanted him to go up there and do that and he refused. Howard said that a woman would never understand that explanation if he did end up there. Dax said that the people who brought him there said they would have explained it to Kristen if she got upset about it.
Bradley asked Howard if he was ever a car driver. Howard said he wasn't. Bradley said he wasn't either. He said that Dax is a car guy and he's a great driver. Howard said he has never seen driving like that and Dax did all of his own driving. Dax said Kristen was in the car the whole time too. He said she was in the car when he did jumps and stuff.
Howard asked about the car with the 700 horsepower. Dax said that it's a 1967 Lincoln Continental. He said it's the only one like it. Dax said he had to drive his own car in all of the stunts and they did okay with it. He said they didn't crash the car and he did all of his own stunts. Howard asked why he would risk his own life. Dax said he wanted to do that stuff. He said he wanted to be like Steve McQueen. Bradley said that you can tell that it's really Dax in the car the whole time. He said they don't do quick cuts to make it look like it's him. It's actually him. Dax said there are not CGI shots in the movie at all. He said that they're all practical shots.
Howard asked how much he made this movie for. Dax said that it was $2 million and that's with $1 million of music. Robin asked how they got insurance for it. Dax said you lie and just do your own stunts.
Dax said he couldn't have made this movie without Bradley doing it. He said that Bradley is brilliant in the movie. Howard said they really did a good job with the movie. He said he enjoyed it. Dax said the movie will be out in a few days on thousands of screens.
Howard asked how much this movie is going to make. He wanted to know what their guesses were. Bradley said that it will be $12-13 million on the opening weekend and 45-55 total. Howard asked how much of the movie he owns. Bradley wasn't talking about it.
Bradley told Howard that he came home after doing the Elephant Man thing and Dax gave him a Ducati Multistrada Pikes Peak edition. He said that he didn't have to do that for him. He said he's the best gift giver ever. He said the motorcycle is a great gift. Howard said he got a movie made for the price of a motorcycle. Bradley said he loves motorcycles too. Howard said he doesn't really give a shit about motorcycles.
Howard told a story about how Billy Joel bought Elton John a motorcycle once as a gift and Elton didn't know what to do with it. Billy told him to bring it on tour and display it. They did that for a while but Elton got tired of it and Billy eventually took it back. Howard said that's why he was laughing when he heard Dax got Bradley a motorcycle.
Howard asked about what the point of making these movies is if they can't make money on it. Bradley said there is no monetary reason to do this movie. He said he's glad he did the Hangover because he made some good money on that. Howard said he was getting great pussy before the movie and now he's making $15 million.
Howard asked Bradley why he's so secretive about who he's dating. Bradley said he just doesn't talk about that. Howard asked if he has more than one chick going. Bradley said he doesn't talk about that stuff. Howard asked if he's dating anyone or if he's in a relationship. Bradley said he will say that he is dating one person. Howard said he would love to know who that is. Dax said if he was Cooper and he was single he'd break into that Olympic camp over in England. Howard said they're not that hot. Howard said compared to what he gets they're not that hot. Howard said they're not super models. Dax said they don't have bodies like those women.
Howard asked Bradley if the girl he's dating is an actress. Bradley said that's all he's going to say. Dax said that it's presumptuous to say that it's a chick. Howard said that's it, he's sick of these two. He gave them some more plugs for the movie and for ''Parenthood'' which Dax is in. Howard said Dax wrote this movie and went to his friend Bradley and asked him to be in it. Howard said he did it for the price of a motorcycle. Howard said he usually gets $15 million.
Howard and the guys spent a short time talking about some of the other people in the movie. Howard said that Dax has his shirt off in a lot of the scenes. Dax said he's out of shape too. He said he's really not showing off, that's for sure. Howard said he has titties. Howard said they did a great job with the movie and he enjoyed it. Howard said he knows Robin will be there to see it. Robin said she would go out with Bradley in a second. Dax said that's so flattering. He said he sometimes pictures Robin there when he's there with Kristen. Howard asked how long he's been going out with her. Dax said it's been 5 years. He said things are great. Howard asked if he wears a rubber. Dax said ''fuck no.'' Howard said he does. Howard said he does it to sustain. Howard asked how long Dax can hold out. Dax said he can go 10 minutes. Howard said he's like 1 minute with a rubber on. Dax said that he used to last 4 pumps and then he'd fake it for 5 minutes after that.
Howard asked what Dax uses for birth control. Dax said he pulls out and he's never had a pregnancy scare. He said he's kind of suspicious about that. Howard said that there is a chance of pregnancy with the pre-cum. Dax said that some guys have it and some don't. Robin said they should ask that Todd Aiken guy about that. Dax and Bradley weren't sure who that was. Howard told the guys they don't want to know who that is.
Howard asked Bradley if he has ever gotten anyone pregnant. Bradley said he hasn't. Howard asked if he uses one with the girl he's with now. Bradley said he's not going to talk about it. Bradley asked Howard what kind he uses. Howard said he uses Durex. Howard said he has to use the thin ones because he wants to feel something. Howard said he has tried the other ones but they don't do it for him.
Dax said it boggles his mind that he uses condoms. Howard said he doesn't want a baby. Dax told him that he could find out when she's ovulating and then he'll know. He said that 3 weeks out of the month she's not ovulating and he can go in without a rubber.
Howard asked if girls try to trick Bradley into getting them pregnant. Bradley said no. Howard said he has to get to Warren Sapp so he has to throw these guys out. Howard gave them some more plugs and said you can find out more about the movie at HitAndRunMovie.com. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Warren Sapp is there and he has a book out called ''Sapp Attack: My Story.'' Howard said he looks like a woman next to this guy. Warren told him to stop that. Howard said he thinks Warren could make him pregnant because he's so manly compared to him.
Howard said Warren wrote this new book that's out tomorrow. Howard said that he was born in Florida. He asked if he started playing football right away. Warren said that his mom didn't want him to play because he was his mama's baby. He said that he got lucky when he was like 14-15 years old and this guy told him he was going to play football. He said he had to call and ask his mom if he could do it. He said that she finally gave him permission.
Howard said you have to be fast when you play. Warren said that he thinks he's a small, fast guy but he's big. Howard said he is fast though. Howard asked where he went to school. Warren said he went to school in Miami. He said that they thought that he could play and also get an education.
Howard asked if tons of colleges were after him. Warren said they were. He said he knew he could get a scholarship and get an education too. He said he never thought he was going to be so good. Howard asked when he got girls. Warren said he lost his virginity after playing a game one night when he was in high school. He said he didn't get that much in college. He said he was in Coral Gables and he was away from all of the action.
Howard asked Warren if he knows where his father is and if he thinks he's a scumbag. Warren said he doesn't know where he is and he doesn't care. Warren said he knew he was a lying asshole when he was 11 years old. He said he was 30 the last time he spoke to him. That was 10 years ago. Warren said his uncle is a good guy and he never did ask him where his daddy was. He said every boy wants his mother. Warren said that he hadn't seen his father in 20 years when he finally showed up when he was 30. Warren said that his mother worked 3 jobs at times to support the family. He said his step-father is a good dude and he has been there for many years.
Warren said he told his dad that he has grandchildren that he will never know. He said he told him to leave and his dad drove away. He said his father wasn't able to form a sentence. Howard said maybe he was afraid of his size. Warren said he doesn't even know why he came to see him. He said he gave him a chance to spill his guts and nothing came out. He said it was gratifying to see the man show up and not be able to say anything.
Warren told Howard that he was chasing down a ghost he knew as a kid. He said that he knew all kinds of sports from the major networks. He said that's all he had on TV when he was growing up. Warren told Howard that in the 70s you had 3 choices. He said you were either a Giants, Cowboys or Steelers fan or a Raiders fan. He said that's all there was back then.
Howard said Warren about the draft thing and what happened with the drug test. Warren said they said he had cocaine in his blood but he has never done cocaine in his life. Warren said that they said he had 7 failed tests and he never even took 7 different tests. Howard asked if he has regrets about things that happened back then. Warren said he doesn't at all.
Warren tried to explain to Howard what went on and Howard didn't understand. Warren said he has never even sold crack. He said he didn't use cocaine. Howard said he must have been framed. Warren said that he wasn't framed. He was just lied to. Warren said that the NFL made a comment about the drug test and said there was no cocaine. Howard said it must have cost him a lot of money. Warren said he didn't have any money so it didn't cost him anything. Howard said they claim it cost him about $1.6 million. Warren said that Howard shit that much money. Warren said that they just wanted to justify why the best player in college football wasn't being drafted and they came up with cocaine. Howard and Robin didn't understand.
Howard said that Warren had to sell off a lot of stuff. Warren said he's not selling anything. Howard asked if the NFL gave him advice on money when he was drafted. Warren said that they do now. He said they give them financial advice now. Howard said he wants to tell guys like that to save their money because it's like hitting the lottery. Howard said they could live off the interest the rest of their lives.
Warren said he knows guys who lost a lot of money who had money in the bank. He said that he had some problems himself. Howard tried to find out what he invested in. Warren was giving him a hard time asking what he knew that he wanted to say. Howard said what he invested in. Warren said it was a little bit of everything. Howard said he heard he has to pay $75,000 a month in child support. Warren said that he wanted to hear how that breaks down. He was arguing with everything Howard was saying.
Warren told Howard that he had a woman accuse him of assault and he never touched her. Howard said he was cleared. Warren said she was a psycho. Howard said he must have been scared. Warren said that they claimed that they took the report at 6 in the morning but the cops didn't show up at his house until noon. He said if he had really assaulted someone they would have been at his door a lot quicker.
Howard said Warren is a big man. He said he can't imagine anyone attacking him. Warren said he had a guy trying to pick a fight with him at a pool he was at the other day. He said he asked this guy who he thought he was when he came up to him trying to talk to some women he was hanging out with. He said he didn't want to fight the guy so he called security over.
Howard asked Warren about this guy he punched in college. Warren said he hit the guy with his left hand and he's not even left handed. He said he knocked the guy out. He said he punched the guy during a basketball game. He said that he just found him in a nasty, negative mood.
Howard asked Warren why college athletes aren't paid. Howard said they generate millions for the college. Warren said he doesn't understand it either. He said they have to take care of all of the teams at the school and it requires that. He said if they're selling his jersey 10-15 years after he leaves then maybe they should be paying them. Warren said he got a letter from the NFL with a $7 check in it. He said he wrote back asking what they're trying to sell because he could do a better job with it.
Howard asked Warren if he went pussy crazy. He said he had 4 kids with 4 different women. Howard said maybe that's when he should have been wearing the rubber. Warren said he doesn't have any kids he can't pay for. Howard said he has to be tied to those women the rest of his life. Warren said he really doesn't. Howard said it must be a lot of pressure. Warren said it's fine. He said he'd tell him if he wasn't.
Howard said it must be difficult to be a dad to 6 kids. Warren said he just lives it. He said he just saw his oldest at his mom's house. He said one of the kids he doesn't see at all. He said that the other people have lives too. Howard asked if any of the kids want to play football. Warren said one of them does. He said he has never watched football with that kid. He said he wants him to play baseball instead. He said they have enough football trophies in their house.
Howard asked Warren about what's going on with the Jets and Tebow and all of that. Warren said what's going on there is horrible. He said one of the QBs is going to have to go. He said there is no way to bring in two guys and not have one leave. He said that one guy has to go. He said they can't both be healthy and keep the team healthy. He said that Tim Tebow is playing the most scrutinized position and he's got the least skills to handle it. Warren said that they think he has magic. Warren said a friend told him that Mark Sanchez is doing really good and they're all waiting on the magic thing with Tebow. He said you have to choose one because you can't have both. Warren said he thinks that they'll see a lot of Tebow out there.
Howard asked if Warren thinks it's fascinating even if it turns into a train wreck. Warren said we all love train wrecks. He said magic doesn't exist and we're all going to see it fall apart. Howard asked if taking someone down is better than cumming. Warren said there is nothing like that. He said it does feel great to take someone down.
Howard asked if he broke someone's leg if that would feel good. Warren said that it doesn't feel good. He said you don't take someone out for a whole season because that's like taking food off their family's table. He said you don't wanted that on your resume. Howard asked if he ever ended anyone's career. Warren said he didn't but he saw a lot of careers ended in high school. He said that one kid ended up with a halo on his head. He said he saw another guy's knee turned the wrong way. Howard said it's a crazy sport. He said someone his size and speed is crazy. He said that's the train wreck.
Howard asked Warren if he pulls out when he's having sex. Warren said that he must have been in there when he got those women knocked up.
Howard asked Warren if he notices other penises in the shower when he's in the showers. Warren said they do. He said they used to call one guy ''Big dick Dave'' because he was so big. Howard said one reason he didn't play sports is because he was too small and he didn't want to show it. Warren said that when he was in high school he would never shower. He said that he didn't do that until he was in college. Warren said that was just the thing they did. He said he is good sized so it's not a big deal. Howard said he has a button penis. He asked if they get made fun of. Warren said they don't discuss that kind of thing in the locker room.
Warren said when you're in the locker room you walk around in a towel. He said that you don't look at the guys when they're in the shower. He said they do know that the numbers for gay guys are 1 in 4 so they cover up in the locker room. He said if they're naked then they want to do that.
Howard asked Warren if he ever had two women at once. He said he has. Howard said that must be great.
Howard asked Warren about the TV show he does for the NFL. They spent a little time talking about that. Howard said he must have had a good time dancing on Dancing with the Stars. Howard asked if he likes that giant ass on Kim Kardashian. Warren said he likes that. He said that you put your face in there and shake it back and forth. Howard asked if he's afraid of doody. Warren said he has to free himself. Howard said he wants to do it. Howard asked if he can hold out a long time in bed. Warren said that's the object. Howard asked if he can finish in a few seconds. Warren said that can happen too.
Howard said Warren was about to tell him something about sex but he forgot what it was. Howard said it must have been about Dancing with the Stars. Warren talked about dancing with Kym Johnson and how Karina looked at him and said they would have made magic if they had been able to dance together. Warren said that if they were teamed up they might have made a baby together.
Howard said he watched him on Dancing with the Stars and he liked him on there. Warren asked if he voted for him. Howard said he never voted for anyone. Howard asked who won that season. Warren said it was Brooke Burke. Howard asked if there was anyone he couldn't stand on the show. Warren told Howard he was on with Jeff Ross and Cloris Leachman and a bunch of others. He said Cloris once dug into his food as he was eating. Howard said people get old and they think they can do whatever they want. Warren said Cloris hated Susan Lucci. He said that he probably shouldn't say that but she hated her. Howard said he wishes they would put that on TV. Warren said that wouldn't be good. He said she would walk by her and she'd have a reaction. He said it was uncalled for though. Warren said she would say whatever she wanted.
Howard said he has to wrap up even though he would like to talk to him all day. Howard asked Warren if he's single right now. Warren said no. He said it's complicated. Warren said that she lives in a different state. Howard said the long distance relationships don't last. Warren said they can work when you get older and you know what you want. He said he can be at home on Skype with her and he's fine. He said he sees her twice a month and that's enough for him.
Howard asked Warren if he thinks that they should allow women in the locker room. Warren said it's fine. He said that it's a move for the guys.
Gary came in and asked about who blew the whistle on the bounty they had on some teams. Warren said he has a source who told him that it was Jeremy Shockey who blew the whistle. Warren said that they say this is about the safety of the players but in 2009 or 2010 they asked people to come forward and say something if this was true. Howard asked why it's a bad thing to take out a player. Warren said he got to play Brett Favre a couple of times. He said that he was something to get on the ground. He said he doesn't think they need an incentive to do that kind of thing. He said it was his pleasure to take someone down. They spent a little time talking about that but Howard said he wasn't sure what Warren was saying.
Howard said he read that Bill Belichick once said that he got hard thinking about drafting Warren. Howard said he can imagine why he would feel that way.
Warren told Howard that he remembers the play that he decided to retire. He told Howard about the play and how he was playing against Brett Favre and he had a guy grab him and the guy wouldn't let him go. He said he wasn't able to defeat the blocker and he didn't want to have to face the guy on Monday. He said he wasn't able to get around this bum and that was the day he had to retire. Warren said he could have stayed in the NFL for a few more years but he wanted to get out after that.
Gary came in and told Howard that Warren has to go. Howard wrapped up and gave him some plugs for his new book ''Sapp Attack: My Story'' and some signings he's doing around the country. Howard said that you can check out Judge Sapp at YouTube.com/TheKnock. Warren said that it's his own judge show and he gets to make real decisions in real cases. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said that they were talking about Jay Leno earlier and all of those old, shitty cars he owns are safe. He said that he's cutting back on his staff but not on the cars. Howard said he didn't know there were so many people involved with that show. He said they do 10 minutes of shitty bits and then those awful interviews he does.
Howard said he went to his parents house yesterday. He said that they were talking about AGT and his mother asked what this ''AGT'' is. Howard said he told her it's ''America's Got Talent'' and she didn't know that. Howard said he's exhausted and he has to cut it back to AGT. Howard said he spends an hour with them and he's exhausted like he would be after a 4 hour radio show.
Howard said his mother told him that they saw a repeat of the show and his dad told her that there's a ton of shit on TV so they might as well watch that shit.
Howard said they have some new specials coming up on Howard TV. He said they have the Medicated Pete toupee show coming and they also have Scott the Engineer going bowling. He said the show is really sad. He said Scott goes bowling and he was on fire the first day he did it. Howard said he had an average of like 170-something or 180-something. Then he goes back the next day and just fucks up. He said by the end of the special he's off in a corner hiding. Howard said he was bragging in the first part but by the last shot Scott is in the bottom and he's sitting alone in a chair with his head down. He said the special is great and you have to see it on Howard TV.
Howard said he understands that he'll be photographing someone in the audience. Howard said they're auctioning this off and the bid is up to $30,000 for the Wildlife Foundation in the Hamptons. Howard said Beth is going to come there to help out. Robin said she saw her in the paper today. Howard said he was at that Gwyneth Paltrow premiere. Howard said Beth loves Gwyneth so she must be wet after going to that premiere.
Howard said he thinks he could be a superstar in the hate music genre. He said that they're not that picky about the music they like. Howard said he had some examples of some hate music that people were putting out. This guy Wade Michael Page was putting out hate music before he shot a bunch of people.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that today's show was great. He said that he loved them ragging on Gary and the interviews too. Howard thanked the guy for the call.
Howard said he got into the show ''Sons of Anarchy'' and it's great. He said the writing is awful but the show is great. He said they never go to jail for killing cops and things like that. Howard said he loves the show and he's addicted to it. Howard said he wouldn't recommend the show to anyone but he is addicted. Fred said he hated it at first but he fell in love with it. Howard said Ron Perlman is a great actor but this is horrible. Fred said they must have the time of their life watching the show. Howard said he watched an entire season this weekend.
Howard said he was reading an article about Batman and what a bruding douche he is. Howard said he thought Mike Taibi hit it right on the head in his article about him.
Howard said that Beth was writing letters to people who donated to the North Shore Animal League in the name of their dog. Howard said she's writing to thousands of people.
Howard said Robin didn't leave her apartment so they weren't able to get it in there until this weekend. Robin said she loves the new TV. She said it's gorgeous and so thin. She said that it was amazing. Robin thanked Howard very much for the TV. Howard told her to promote Captain Dennis to Colonel or something. Robin said maybe he would be a light Colonel. Fred said he might be an Admiral. Howard said that would be nice. Howard went right into a live commercial read and then a break after that.
Robin started her news with a story about Joey Kovar from Real World dying of a drug overdose. Robin said he was found in his home bleeding from his ears and nose. Robin said that he told friends that he had been taking drugs and Viagra. They figured that he had overdosed and may have had an aneurysm. Robin said that Joey was on Celebrity Rehab. Howard said he hopes Dr. Drew is okay.
Robin read about a teacher who had sex with 5 of her 18 year old students at her home. Howard asked if they gang banged her. Robin read more of the story and they found that it was over the course of 2 months. Howard said he wouldn't want to share her if he got to bang his teacher. Robin said that there was a video released where more than one student was with her.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the YouTube America's Got Talent show was horrible. Howard said it was a good lesson for people that having a hit on YouTube doesn't make you a superstar. Howard said when you hit the stage it's a whole different thing. Howard said he has some schedule this week. He said they have the callback shows on Tuesday and Wednesday. He said Wednesday morning might be tough for him. He said he has to work Tuesday night. Howard said he thinks he only had to do that once so far.
Howard said his mom was telling him she likes Nick Cannon. Howard did his impression of her talking about that. The caller said he thinks that Nick comes off kind of disingenuous. Robin said she was cracking up last week when Howard said he wasn't' going to pile on and then he piled on. Howard said he didn't pile on right away. He said he was trying to be nice to the kids. He said he could have been a lot worse. Howard said he has learned that sometimes you're doing people a favor when you do that. Howard said they think they're talented and they hold on to this stuff all their life and they end up with nothing. Howard said he doesn't like to fire anyone but if you do then you're doing them a favor if they're not competent at their job. Howard said he feels he's helping these people. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Howard took a call from Tommy in Malden again and he was saying he used to hate Warren Sapp but after that interview he likes him. He also thanked Howard for calling Bradley Cooper out for that Renee Zellwegger lie.
Howard had Robin get back to her news. Robin read a story about a girl who was climbing a mountain and fell in a trench and got stuck. Robin said she broke her ankle in the fall. Robin said that she did this commentary on the whole thing and video taped it after she fell. Robin had some audio of her talking about her ankle dangling from her leg. JD came in and told Howard about what it looked like because he saw the video. Robin said she was seeing it as they spoke. Howard said he didn't want to see it. Howard sounded like he was freaked out just hearing the audio of the woman describing it. Howard asked if she was hot. Robin said she was a cute 21 year old.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she loves Howard. Howard asked if he asked her to have sex with him, would she do it. She said she would. The caller said she was a flight attendant for a long time and she had tons of stars on her flights. She said she only wanted Howard though. Howard said she sounds hot. She said she had Chris Rock on her flight twice. She said that she said hi to Chris and he turned around and said ''Hell-oh!'' to her. Howard asked if she ever had people come on to her on the flights. She said she has. She said she had Jay Leno on a flight and she didn't like him. Howard asked how old she is. She said she's 41. Howard said his wife is 40. Howard asked if Jay called her racial slurs. She said he didn't but Jay got on the flight last like a big star and sat on the aisle. She said that his eyes were bright red too. Howard said Jay is an asshole. Howard said he doesn't blame her for not liking him coming on last and taking an aisle seat. The caller said she told him she had choices for him for breakfast and he threw a fit. The caller said Jay acted like a big baby. Howard told the caller he only flies with clear eyes. Howard said she should tell the story about Jay shitting in the aisle.
The caller told Howard some other stories. Howard asked who she looks like. She said that she was told she looks famous like Marilyn Chambers. Howard said he would take advantage of her if he was single. Howard said he hopes she doesn't look like Ron Jeremy. She said she had him on her flight just recently. Howard said he heard he travels with red eyes and takes an aisle seat too. Howard told her he had to get going because they have more news to get to. Howard said he likes this woman, Ashley. He said that next time he takes a flight he won't have red eyes like that disgusting slob Jay Leno.
Howard asked if Ashley ever fools around with the passengers. She said she doesn't do that. Howard asked if she does it with the pilots. She said not since 9/11. She said that they used to be able to go up there and play around. She said she once blew the first officer in front of everyone else in the cockpit. Howard said this chick sounds like a lot of fun. Howard said he really has to go but then he asked if she's into anal. She said she did try it but she didn't get very far. Howard said it was lovely talking to her. She thanked him for making her day. Howard couldn't let her go. He kept asking her more questions and hearing more stories. Howard said this can't be real after hearing she has 34-DD cup breasts. Howard asked if she uses vibrators. She said she does. Howard asked if she puts them up her ass. She laughed and said that wouldn't do anything for her. Howard said he could talk all day to her. Howard asked if she would have sex with Fred. She said it would be with Howard first. Howard said goodbye to Ashley again but she asked to play a game. Howard told Gary to get her number and the next tine they play they'll get her on the line. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin got back to her news and read about Mitt Romney so Howard replayed the bit he played earlier in the morning. Robin also had some audio of some people talking about Romney and Obama.
Robin read about the guy who talked about ''legitimate rape'' that Howard played audio of earlier in the morning. Robin said he has retracted that and said he has misspoken. Howard wondered how anyone could vote for someone like that. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read a poll about the number of people who say they are religious. Robin said that there are less people now than there were in the past.
Robin read about how Mark David Chapman has gone up for parole again. Howard said ''He shot and killed the greatest song writer of all time, fuck 'em!'' Robin said that he has been turned down every time he's come up for parole. Howard said Yoko Ono goes to the hearings and testifies. Robin said that he should be a human toilet. That should be his job at the prison.
Robin read about director Tony Scott dying of an apparent suicide. Robin said that he jumped off a bridge and they apparently found a suicide note in his car.
Robin read about Rihanna talking about Chris Brown with Oprah. Robin had some audio of her saying that Chris is the love of her life. Robin had some audio of her talking about how she had to forgive Chris for what he did to her to move on.
Robin said that Beyonce has a new song out and she has a powerful message she's trying to deliver in that. Howard asked what that message is. Robin said she'll explain after he plays the song. After playing the audio Robin said she's encouraging people to send out notes to people to do a good deed.
Robin read about a swimmer who is going to try and swim from Cuba to Florida. Robin said she's had to endure jellyfish and exhaustion. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Robin read about how Johnny Ramone had a tribute party recently. She had some audio from the tribute. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:35am.
Gary came in and said that he said this on the news that when Fred is coming up with the facts to goof on him about, they're facts that Fred knows. He said he does a great job of breaking his balls though. Gary said he and Howard have never really been in agreement with music over the years. He said they don't really like the same stuff and he always brings up Steely Dan. Robin loves them too but Howard just ignores that. Gary said that music is an opinion and not a fact.
Jon asked Gary what it is that gets Howard so worked up about him. Gary said he's not sure what it is. He said hie just thinks it's goofy. Gary said that the music special was hard to do because you do it and then it sits on the shelf for a while and then things change and you're in a different mood. Gary said he was kind of distracted by the sounds in the audio clips that Howard played. He said the story doesn't need so many sound effects. Benjy said he liked those sound effects. Gary said he thinks that the sounds make him sound stupid.
Steve Brandano said he doesn't like sound effects in there either but the powers that be want them in there. Benjy said the clips of Gary talking reminded him of the beginning of the movie Goodfellas. Jon said you can judge for yourself tonight at 7 on Howard 101. They went to break a short time later.
Gary said he has a connection with Warren. He said they did Hollywood Squares together back in like 1999 or 2000. He said he got Warren's phone number back then and he called him a bunch of times but it never worked out until now.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he wanted to talk about the conspiracy theory Warren had on the bounty scandal. He said Warren didn't really have a lot to say about that. Gary said they did talk about it and Warren said that he's not going to be encouraged to take someone out more with $1000 extra than he would normally.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about the gift Howard gave Robin. He said that giving Robin a picture the way he did was odd. He said that Howard gave Robin that picture of him and Beth as a gift. Gary said that was so they could do that before giving her the TV. Gary said he's not sure what the caller is saying. The caller said Howard tweeted that photo of him with Beth giving Robin a birthday wish. Howard photoshopped himself and made himself look 20 years younger. Benjy said Howard talked about it today and admitted he photoshopped it. The caller asked if they found that strange at all. Benjy said he figured Howard was just messing around with Photoshop and that's the way he wanted to look.
Benjy said he finds it interesting when they can get into someone's house and get something like that for someone. Jon said people are happy but they also want a gift like that. Gary said Robin and Howard have a pretty special relationship. Gary said he wanted to give Robin an Apple TV but he was told that she can't connect anything because it's a built in TV.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard talks about prematurely going and it blows his mind that guys who have been having sex so long can't hold off. He said it's weird to him. He was wondering what they think about that. Gary said he falls into that category but he still gets excited and that's a good thing. Gary said he'd be more embarrassed not being able to get an erection.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Warren Sapp interview was really good. He said it just sounded like a bunch of guys just sitting around talking. He also liked when they were busting Gary's balls. Gary said a lot of people love that because it takes them back to the 80s when Howard used to do that all the time. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they're doing a great show. He said it gets better and better. The guy said that they were talking about holding out earlier and he tries not to think about what he's doing when he does it. Gary said he's not really enjoying it then. The guy said he enjoys it just fine. Gary said he remembers reading about how to last longer in Playboy and they suggest thinking about baseball or something. Gary said you're not enjoying it if you do that though. The caller said he can go 20 minutes to an hour if he needs to. He said his wife will tell him to finish and he'll do that.
Jon moved on to talk about Dax Shepard and Bradley Cooper. He said that they were looking at Howard like he was from another planet because of his use of rubbers. Gary said he figured that nowadays they'd be using them more than they did in the past. Jon said that some people use them to help hold out a little longer. He said Howard seemed to be on his own planet about that until Warren Sapp came in. Gary said Howard is trying not to have a baby.
Jon said that Will was so afraid of knocking someone up that he'd wear double condoms. Gary said that's actually bad because the condoms can rub together and rip.
Jon said that it was interesting that Dax was wiling to ask his friend Bradley to be in his movie. He said it's kind of like asking Howard to write a foreword to your book. Gary said he wouldn't do that to Howard. Gary said that it must be uncomfortable to do that to a friend. Will said that Bradley Cooper has reached that A-list level and the rest of the cast are still kind of B-list. He said he sticks out in that movie because of that.
Gary said Howard is funny when it comes to marriage and things like that. He said when Howard was married the first time he didn't want to be married. Then he got divorced and he told everyone getting married was the wrong thing to do. Then he got married and now he thinks everyone should get married.
The guys were also talking about Bradley and Renee Zellwegger's break up shortly after the last time Bradley was on with Howard.
The guys also brought up Howard's impression of the Elephant Man and how it looks very similar to other retarded characters he does.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he got a vasectomy like 40 years ago and that's the best thing that he could have done. He said that you don't have to worry about the condom at all. Gary said that he looked into it a few years ago and he knows a guy who had it done once and his ball was the size of a grapefruit for a few days. He said he's not going to mess around down there. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about the big day he has coming up. He said he has to be at America's Got Talent at 5 tonight. He said they seem to be into him over there but in the local guides they don't show his name. Howard said they say it's starring Howie Mandel and Sharon Osbourne. Howard said his name is never in the descriptions of the shows on the cable guides. Howard said it's NEVER in there. Howard said he bitched about not being in the Olympics commercials and they finally put him in. If he had never said anything then he may not have been in them.
JD told Howard that there was a point when they were listing Howie, Sharon and All Beef Patty as the stars of AGT.
Howard said tonight is the Wild Card show. He said he's looking forward to his picks. Howard said what he likes about his picks is that they're people you don't fast forward through. Howard said people didn't vote for the bow and arrow guy or the magician. Howard said you want to see what happens and he believes that his four are the best. He said he's right on track with this again. Howard said he doesn't think that the people who have been rejected could come back and win. Robin said the Mariachi kid might. Howard said he that kid is fun but he couldn't take 5 of those songs in a row. Howard said he heard that kid can't even speak Spanish. Howard said he has to learn some English songs though.
Gary said he hates that kid. He said he's hated him since the day he saw him. He said he finds that the kid is a bit affected and he's only 10 years old. Howard said he really is a sweet kid. He said he walked over to him and gave him a Mexican pen. He said it was a pen with a Sombrero on the top. He said the kid is so sweet. Gary said that's just the way he felt. Howard said he looked at that pen and thought it was a good place to hide drugs.
Howard said that kid is good but it is Mariachi music after all. Howard said there are so many people they vote for that you fast forward right through. He said he thinks that he has some good picks. Robin said the bow and arrow guy isn't going to make it. Howard said there is no one there that you can watch for 2 hours. He said he thinks that his picks are the best for the show. He said they're good acts for the TV show.
Howard said he has Horse, the escape artist, the bow and arrow guy and the dog ventriloquist guy. Howard said if that guy didn't get some jokes written for him then he's done. Gary said he likes the dog act but he can't watch that for 2 hours. Howard said he just said that you can't watch any of that stuff for 2 hours. He said he can't stand Gary for 5 minutes.
Gary asked if they have a road show. Howard said they do and Jerry Springer is the host. Howard said that they take the top acts out on the road and Jerry is there. Howard said Regis Philbin used to be the host.
Gary said he didn't get slammed too bad on Twitter last night. Howard said he knows, he just annoys him. Fred said he found some of the substance in some of the stories a little superficial and empty. Gary said that he was just supposed to play songs that he likes. Fred said they should mean something to him too though.
Howard and Fred were doing impressions of Gary and goofing on the stuff he was talking about on Playlist last night. Howard played some audio from last night's ''Playlist'' and let out a couple of ''Ugh!'' when he heard Gary talking and talking.
Howard said you never hear Gary's wife talk. Howard said Gary will interrupt her and she won't get a word in. Howard said Gary doesn't even eat. He'll just tell stories even if Mary starts the story. Howard said Mary didn't get out five words at dinner when they were out recently.
Howard was getting annoyed with the picks and everything Gary was saying about his favorite songs. Howard said he doesn't understand some of what Gary is saying. Howard said Gary really does love music. He has all of his music in his juke box organized in his own special way. He and Fred goofed on Gary about that while doing their Gary voices.
Howard goofed on Gary for saying that a certain song was buried deep on an album. Howard played more of Gary's special and continued to make fun of everything Gary was saying.
Howard said that they have a gay version of Gary's picks too. He played some of that. It was clips of Gary edited by Richard. He took Gary's stuff and made him say some gay stuff. Howard said that was the outtakes you didn't get to hear from the show. He played a second one where Gary said he likes to let his wife get fucked by Jon Hein.
Howard played a clip from last night's show where Gary was talking about going to London and going to see U2 out there. Howard goofed on him for taking tickets to see a show when he was already tired and had to work the next morning. Gary said he was blown away by U2 back then and it was from the Joshua Tree tour. Robin was making fun of him so Gary said he thought she was done emasculating him. Robin laughed.
Howard had to rewind the clip so he could hear him say ''Joshua Tree Tour'' because he had a little trouble getting it out. Howard said Gary should have been Casey Kasem. He said he missed his calling.
Howard asked if Robin was done with this. Robin said she loves this. She said she loves hearing Gary talk about music. Howard played some more of Gary talking about listening to old and new music. He talked about liking Florence and the Machine. Howard said they're so fucking annoying. That led to Fred playing Gary's ''Mac-Hine'' clip to go with the Florence and the Machine clip. Howard said Gary has the worst taste in music.
Howard played more of Gary talking about Florence and the Machine and goofed on him about what he was saying about the que of songs he has in his iPod. Howard said he'd like to listen to Robin talking about the music she likes. Gary said Steve has asked her to do it but she won't answer his emails.
Howard played more of Gary talking about Florence and the Machine and introducing one of those songs. Howard said he's sorry to everyone listening. Howard and Fred stayed in their Gary voices and talked about all of this stuff. Howard said he knows a lot of people tuned in so they could goof on that.
Howard said they have a couple of box seat tickets to a Smashing Pumpkins show later this month. Howard said that if you call there you can try to get some freebies. Howard said he'd like to be able to get there himself but he has his judging duties. Howard said he's not even sure where this place is. Gary said that it's the new place that isn't open yet. Howard said it's the Barclay Center.
Howard said Wolfie went out and interviewed some people at the Chick-Fil-A support day. Howard said Wolfie asked some people some questions at Chick-Fil-A. Howard played one clip where a guy said he was there to protect their rights because they're being threatened. Wolfie asked what rights those are. The guy said it's free speech. Wolfie asked a woman why this is the one thing that people are still against. The woman said she is repulsed by homosexuals. Wolfie asked if she would be for a bill that would be against same sex affection in public. She said she would. Howard said that's because she's miserable. Robin said she's a miserable C-word. Howard said Robin means that she's a miserable cunt.
Howard said that if she was a hot chick getting some cock in that rancid pussy then she wouldn't be so upset. Howard replayed the clip of Wolfie asking her that question since they missed some of her answer. Wolfie also asked what's happening on Friday. She said the gays are going to have a kiss-in on Friday so they think that's disgusting too.
Howard said that these people are like the Tea Party. Howard played another interview Wolfie did where the guy was talking about why he was there. Wolfie asked if it will be hard for him to eat if two gay dudes are making out there. The guy said he's showing support for the restaurant. Another woman said that she believes that this is not benefiting anyone. She said that if they weren't making such a big stink then maybe they'd be accepted. She said she doesn't approve of homosexuality so she didn't go to a wedding for a friend of her's.
Howard said she's acting like no one in her own family is gay. Howard said everyone has a gay person in their family. They may not be out of the closet though.
Howard played more of the interviews and this one guy was trying to explain why he was there but he wasn't making much sense. The guy said that some people may support same sex marriage but they still want to support the restaurant. Howard told that guy to keep eating chicken and shut up.
Howard said Mitt Romney came out with a new ad based on all of this. Howard played that phony message that they created.
Howard said Sal wrote a song that's so inappropriate and disturbing that he was never going to play it. He said he wrote ''Twat Raper'' to the tune of ''Heart Breaker.'' Howard said this is crazy. He said it shows how dark this individual is. Howard played the song and said that's some fucking thought. He was singing about sticking his dick in her until she bruises. He said that guy is so fucking whacked.
Howard said that if Sal did rape her then she would just have her body shut it down and not worry about it. That led to them talking about that guy in the news yesterday (Todd Aiken) who was talking about ''legitimate rape.''
Howard said that people are yelling out Baba Booey out on the golf courses. He said he has another clip from a game. He played the clip and Phil Mickelson was taking a shot when someone yelled out a nice, clear Baba Booey. Howard said what's great about it is that the announcers don't want to acknowledge it. Howard said they get them on almost every hole and they never explain it. Howard said they just ignore it.
Howard played another one from the same game. Howard said it's become such a thing and no one acknowledges it. Howard said they just ignore it.
The caller said that yesterday Howard had some strong comments for Jay Leno. He asked if he expects to hear from the NBC brass about what he said about Leno. Howard said he did hear from them. Howard said one of the execs gave him a threatening comment. Howard said he was laughing at that. He said he's going to talk about Jay for four hours if they tell him not to. Howard said he doesn't care if they take his job away from him. He said he doesn't care. Howard said he will never endorse Jay Leno. Howard said they told him he knows nothing about the budget cuts over there. Howard said they can't threaten him over that. He said he has theories and he doesn't answer to anyone. Howard said everyone knows that. He said that's why he's a great fucking judge.
Howard said he will tell anyone anything but don't' tell him anything. Howard said it's obvious he doesn't know anything about the budget cuts. Howard said no one takes him seriously. Howard said he was laughing over the call he got. Howard said he thought they were kidding. Howard said Jay Leno is the biggest wuss on the planet. He said he's a back stabbing cum bag and he doesn't care who he works for.
Howard said they can fire him if they want to. He doesn't care. Howard said they can't tell him what to not talk about. Howard said he still maintains that he knows what he's talking about. Howard said if you tell him not to talk about something that just encourages him to talk about it.
Howard said he's sure that it was all just a joke because no one in their right mind would tell him not to talk about something.
Howard said it's funny how Jay has to tell everyone that he took a pay cut. Howard said he could just keep it to himself. Gary said Jay doesn't tell anyone. He makes sure that it gets out though. Howard said Jay just wants to be known as a good guy. Howard said he's not a team player and he's sorry about that. Howard said he's had a feud with the guy for years and he told the NBC people that he's not changing his show. He said he's just doing his thing over there and Jay can handle it. Howard said even Jay knows it's true.
Howard said it was nice getting that phone call from Robin last night. Howard said Robin was cracking herself up leaving the message. Howard said she was having a party over there. Robin said it must have been funny to hear because she was laughing her butt off. Howard said she doesn't need to be married because she can crack herself up. She doesn't need a man to do that for her. Robin was laughing again thinking about it.
Howard said he was watching the season finale of Falling Skies. He said it was good. Robin said she's getting caught up on the show. Howard said it was a good season. Robin said it was. Howard said Steven Spielberg was the executive producer on the show. He said that basically means he didn't have to do anything.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said last night's Bachelor Pad was great. Howard said he doesn't watch that show. Jeff said he's going to be at AGT tonight. Howard said tonight is a big night. Howard said they can't let Jeff sneak down and sit right next to him. Jeff said he's sitting in Mariann's box. Howard said he couldn't believe that they let Jeff sit there next to him at the tapings a few months back. Howard said Jeff was right there next to him. Howard said he found out that Jeff just walked down and took the seat. Jeff just sat there. Howard said the people at AGT thought he was a friend of his and didn't tell him to move. Howard said he'll introduce Jeff to the crowd tonight. Jeff said he hopes to have a good time.
Howard said that's funny that he hopes to have a good time. Jeff said he expects to have a good time. He said he had a great time when he went to the last taping. Howard said when he sits down you can see his entire ass crack. Robin said he's going to see his new sling tonight. Howard said he's looking forward to that somehow.
Howard said this is his tough week. He said tomorrow he's going to be a bear. He said tomorrow would be a really bad day to tell him not to talk about Jay Leno.
Howard said his day today is long. He said he has meetings with the staff after the show and then he has to catch a nap at some point. He said he'll try that after the show. He said if anyone wakes him up today he'll fire them. Howard said he has meetings and has to cut commercials and stuff. He said he has to go home and get ready for AGT. Then he has to get there at 5pm. He said that they want everyone there and they have to do press and all of that. Howard said they do press every week. He said he doesn't like talking to the press. He used to do it once every 5 years. Now he has to do it every Tuesday and Wednesday. Howard said they ask the same thing over and over too.
Howard said these interviews never show up anywhere. He said most of the interviewers have shit breath too. He said they smell like they have shit in their mouth. Howard said he's not sure what it is. He said it makes him woozy.
Gary said that he knows what Eric wants to talk about. He said that someone has been impersonating him on Twitter. Eric said they're impersonating two DJs and they're saying that he's been bad mouthing the show. Howard said he knows about this. Howard said Eric wants to make it clear that it's not him. Eric said it's definitely not. Howard said that's fine. He said he'd see him later but Eric had more to say. Eric said he's going to start a drawing in honor of Bianca. Howard said he draws as well as he speaks. Howard said he did donate to Bianca. Howard said Beth wanted to call in today because so many fans donated in Bianca's name. Eric said he got a thank-you card from Beth last week. Howard said she wrote to anyone who donated. Howard said Beth was writing to everyone and she doesn't know that you don't give a shit when you're in show business. Howard said he loves Beth and she's a saint. Howard said he doesn't deserve her.
Gary said that Eric once did a country music countdown show. Howard said this might turn him off to the idea of doing the Playlist show. Gary said that it's all country music. Howard asked if he can ban country from his list. Eric said ''probably not.''
Howard played some of Eric's music show and he was talking and played music over himself so you can't hear what he was saying. Eric said a lot of DJs do that. Howard said you have to be heard when you do the talk up though. Eric said ''Right.'' Howard replayed the clip so he could hear that again. Robin said that's the best.
Howard played another clip of Eric talking up a song and playing the music too loud so you can't hear him. Howard did an impression of Eric doing that. Howard said the show is a disaster. Howard said they have to get him on Playlist. Howard thanked Eric for the call and let him go.
Howard said he likes the name Eric the Actor better than Eric the Midget. Eric thanked him for that. Howard said goodbye a couple more times before he actually let Eric off the line.
Howard said it's funny to see who wasn't invited to Richie Wilson's wedding. Howard said he has to get to that after the break though. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked what Fred was playing. When Fred told him what it was Howard said he's not a fan of that.
Howard said they have Big Foot Jr. in there this morning. They had the guy (Jason) who does the impression of Big Foot sitting in. Howard spent a little time talking to him. Howard asked him about what his problems are with Vermont and Big Foot Jr. told him about some of the problems he has up there. He had a bunch of material for Howard.
Howard said they have given away the Smashing Pumpkins tickets so please stop calling for those. Howard said he has to talk about Richie's wedding. Howard said it's clear who Richie likes and doesn't like. Howard said weddings bring out the best in people. Howard said Scott, JD, Richard, Sal, Robin and Fred were all invited. Fred said he might be but he isn't sure if he got the official thing. Howard said they don't send a save the date if you're not invited. Fred said he didn't get the official invitation. Howard asked Big Foot Jr. if he understands Fred. Big Foot said he understands him perfectly.
Howard said that this is why he has limited contact with Fred. Howard said he can't figure the guy out. Big Foot asked where Robin is because he can't see her. He said that if he finds her he's going to ''fuck her like a wild manimal, it is.''
Howard said that Fred has to be invited to the wedding. Howard said the three guys who aren't invited are Gary, Will and Steve Brandano. Howard said Jason was invited but not Will. Big Foot said he was invited but he got a ''don't save the date'' card.
Richie came in and said that he just sent out the official invitations about a week ago. Fred said that's what he was talking about. He said he didn't get one.
Howard asked Richie why not Gary. Richie said Lisa G is off too. Richie said that Lisa G wasn't invited but Leiberman was. He said he socializes with Jon and he has to be there. Howard said if you're going to invite everyone they make a big statement by not inviting those four. Richie said they have to have a cut off somewhere. He said he wasn't invited to Will's wedding. He said he likes Steve but they don't socialize outside of work. He said he and Fred have motorcycle conversations. Fred said Richie likes him unlike Howard.
Howard asked if Gary is upset. Gary said he's not. He said that Riche doesn't like him and that's probably why he doesn't like Richie. He said he's become a much nicer guy over the past 2 years but he's not insulted that he wasn't invited. Howard said Gary is like one of the nicest guys on the planet. Riche said that Gary has taken a few shots at him. He said that Gary has said things to him that weren't very nice.
Gary said they had a weird incident at Howard's wedding. He said that he went to talk to Richie when he had a run in with Sam Benrubi and he got the hand from him. He said he was on the phone and didn't know it at the time. Gary said Sam went up to talk to Richie and Richie gave him a hard time. Richie said he's been there for 15 years and he didn't talk to the guy. He said he got some remark from the guy one day and it was the only time he ever said anything to him. Gary said he was making a scene there. Richie said Gary didn't see that though. He said he's taking Sam's word on that. Gary said he never really had anything against Richie.
Howard asked why Jason is coming to the wedding. Richie said he and Rachel have a relationship and so does Jon Hein. He said that's why they're invited.
Howard asked if Richie thinks that Gary is lazy. Richie said he thinks that in the past few years Gary has gotten arrogant. He said he thinks he's gotten a bit of an ego. Howard said he likes to hear this feedback. He doesn't see that.
Richie said that he knows that Gary had the camera guy turn off the camera so he could talk shit about him. Gary said that didn't happen. Gary said he was told to take charge there and some people get a chip on their shoulder about it when they do. Richie said that he had the camera guy turn it off so he could ask who the fuck he thinks he is.
Gary said he thinks that Richie is the guy with the chip on his shoulder. He said he thinks that Richie is the one who has changed. Richie said he knows that Gary is the one who brought up why no one likes him there. Howard said it really wasn't Gary.
Richie said that Gary says that if he doesn't like him then he doesn't like that person back. He said that's very immature. Gary said that he's going out of his way to single out people he doesn't like. Richie asked if Gary liked Tom Chiusano. Gary said he did. Richie said that he didn't invite him to his wedding. Richie said he likes Will a lot but he didn't invite him.
Will came in and said he wasn't offended until he heard the rest of the list. Howard said even Scott the Engineer was invited. Howard said no one invites Scott. Howard said you're supposed to forget to invite him.
Will said he thinks that Richie has a beef with him but he's not sure what it is. He said he has asked him if there is anything and he said no. Richie said they've been cool since then. He said they had an incident with Gary when he did something fucked up to Rachel. He said she was in the green room getting ready for the Bonus Show and he asked for the chair she was sitting on. Gary wanted to get a hair cut by Toni in the other room. Howard asked if that's true. Gary said that's possible. Howard said that's not cool.
Gary said that they needed a chair that moves and that's the one he needed. Gary said it's not that big of a deal. He said there was a whole sofa in there. Richie said there were other people in there who saw it happen.
Howard said this must be good because Jon Leiberman has his microphone out. Howard asked if Big Foot knows what's going on there. Big Foot Jr. said that it's like Gary's professional relationship is at a ''noine'' and his personal relationship is at a 2.
Richie and Gary were going back and forth about how much they hang out. Richie said that he could invite him out to lunch once in a while. Gary said he doesn't do that with anyone there.
Jon Leiberman said that they've known about this for a long time. He said that he's a polarizing personality there and he thinks he knows who does and doesn't like him. He said that the radio side seems to dislike him and the TV side likes him. He said some people think he's smug. He's also aligned himself with Ronnie and that has brought a polarizing effect in. He said that anyone who doesn't like Ronnie thinks that Richie is on that side.
Ronnie came in and said that Jon is an idiot. Jon said that he's not going to do this with him again. Jon said that Ronnie told him he's going to get a number 3 put on his blazer because Dale Earnhart was known as The Intimidator.
Howard told Ronnie that he has to cool it with Jon. He said that he's a big shot now and he's getting carried away. Howard said ever since he got that TV show this has gotten out of hand. Ronnie said it was ever since he got his pace car. Jon said he heard that he was riding around in his pace car recently. Howard asked why he makes such a big deal out of this pace car thing. Ronnie and Jon went back and forth about the pace car. Jon said he's not going to resort to the personal attacks thing.
Jon asked if Ronnie has been out in his car in the past 7 days. Ronnie said he might have been. Ronnie said this is none of anyone's business. Big Foot Jr. said that he saw the pace car and it was made by Matchbox. He didn't get any laughs so he said that he didn't write this stuff.
Jon said that he was told to cover this Las Vegas block party and Ronnie wants to keep him out. Howard said if he doesn't let him cover it then he's going to put a stop to the block party. Howard said Ronnie is carried away with this power. Jon said he's going to be there.
Jon told Richie to tell Howard what Ronnie wrote on his response card. Richie said it was something like ''I can't wait dickass'' on the response card. Ronnie said that he can't wait for this wedding.
Jon asked if his sources were right about his pace car drive. Ronnie said that he'd like to know where they saw him. Jon said he has times and places where he was seen. Ronnie said he doesn't have any information. Jon said he heard he was driving around in a t-shirt just driving around showing off his tattoos. Ronnie asked who saw him and where he was seen. Jon said he's not giving up his sources.
Howard played a song parody that Richard did about Ronnie's pace car. It was to the tune of Gary Numan's ''Cars.''
Howard said that Big Foot must be upset about this. Big Foot Jr. asked for some ketchup for his scabies. Howard asked Jon if he had anything to add about this. Ronnie said he can see the wheels turning in there. Howard told Ronnie to just let it go. Ronnie said Leiberman is a weirdo.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Rachel is the hot chick that they made him marry. Howard said that's her. Richie said he did drag his ass for a long time.
The caller asked why he doesn't get rid of that Ass Napkin Ed guy. Howard said he doesn't have a problem with that. Jon said that Ed is taking a train from Albany all the way to Las Vegas and that's going to take 5 days. Ronnie said ''good for you Jon.'' Howard asked what his problem is. He said that he has to do his job as a news man there. Ronnie didn't care and he just kept giving Jon a hard time. Howard asked how Richie can hang out with Ronnie. Ronnie said Richie is just as crazy as he is. Howard asked if he ever banged Rachel in front of him. Ronnie said he hasn't.
Howard asked if Ronnie has seen Rachel naked. Ronnie has seen her in a bikini. He also took her out shopping and almost saw her naked. Howard asked if he's seen Richie naked. Ronnie said he hasn't but he wants to see Jon naked. Jon asked what's wrong with him.
Jon asked Richie if he has a long standing feud with Lisa G. Richie said that he has relationships with Shuli and Jon but not with Lisa. Ronnie said maybe he can bang her at the wedding if she was invited. Howard said Ronnie and Jon will be all over each other at the wedding. They were all over each other at the Christmas party. That was before all of this other stuff went down.
Howard said there's so much weird stuff going on there. Howard said that there are cameras on all the time there but Scott DePace wants special treatment. Howard said that he keeps bringing up Gary. He said Gary had a camera on him all the time and he never turned them off. Scott said it's different for him. He said that it's different for him. Howard asked how it's different. Howard said they have cameras on 24 hours a day. Scott said it's not about that. He said he's doing his job and then he sees a camera there. Howard said he works for Howard TV and he has to get over himself. Howard said maybe everyone should get tapped on the shoulder. Scott said they can all see when it's on them. Scott said they can all see the lights. Howard said they don't always see the camera.
Gary said Jason doesn't know when the camera is on him and he doesn't always know either. He said Scott thinks they know that the camera is on them but they're in the same position as he is. Howard said they are to keep the cameras on Scott and not tap him on the shoulder.
Howard said Scott has to get over himself. Scott said Howard doesn't know his side. Howard said he heard him on the news and his argument is ridiculous. Scott said they all know that the camera is on them. Ronnie said that's not true because he doesn't know when it's behind him all the time.
Howard heard a strange noise on the microphone. Ronnie told Jon that it was him. He was rubbing the paper on the microphone. Ronnie laughed like a nut when Jon freaked out. Howard said he had to take a break to recover from all of this.
Howard said ''The Dictator'' is out today on Blu-Ray and DVD. Howard wanted to play a game of ''Guess who's the Jew with him. He gave him Robert Pattinson, Jake Gyllenhaal and someone else. Shabazz said that everyone in Hollywood is a Jew. He also said hello to Robin and called her Sugar Tits.
Howard asked Shabazz about being with Megan Fox. Shabazz said that he did legitimate rape on Megan Fox. He said she claims to be pregnant with his baby but this would be the first time an anal pregnancy has taken place.
Howard said that Shabazz won a bunch of awards for his film. They talked about that and then Shabazz told Howard about all of the great people they lost this year like Muammar Gaddafi and Kim Jong Il. He told Howard how great Kim Jong was at spreading the word and herpes across the world.
Howard asked if a show like his could exist in his country. Shabazz said that they had a lot of morning DJs but they were all executed. Howard asked if there are gay people in his country. Shabazz said that there are no gay people there like there is in Howard's country. He said that Ryan Seacrest is gay and his asshole is collapsed like a coal mine.
Howard gave Shabazz another ''Guess Who's the Jew'' and asked which ethnic group he hates the most out of the Jews, Eskimos and the blacks. Shabazz said he hates the Jews the most. He said you can't hate the Eskimos. He said he likes the blacks and had Beyonce at his palace. He said he was disappointed because they sent Serena Williams instead. He said it was like paddling a canoe up the Suez canal.
Howard asked Shabazz what he thinks about women's rights. Shabazz said they have the same rights as everyone else in his country. That means that they have absolutely none.
Howard asked Shabazz if he admires OJ. Shabazz said they had him to the palace one time and some black people performed there. He said he had Tupac Shakur there once and Tupac ordered him to put his hands up in the air and wave them like he just don't care. He said how dare he come there and tell him where to put his fucking hands. He said he cares where his hands are when they are in the air.
Howard asked Shabazz about his parents. He said his mother died during child care after being strangled. He said that his father was allergic to gunfire. He said his uncle will die in a helicopter crash later today.
Howard said the movie ''The Dictator'' is out today on DVD. Howard asked if he's afraid of the competition from Chimpanzee and Burning. Shabazz said that he isn't afraid of a burning Chimpanzee. Howard gave him some plugs and thanked him for calling in.
Howard asked if he's afraid that he's going to get killed. Shabazz said that he thinks the killing is a passing fad. He said that he has removed all of the spring months from the calendar said that will help. Howard thanked him again and Shabazz said death to the Jews and to the United States in general.
Howard asked Big Foot Jr. if he likes that guy. Big Foot said he loves that guy. He also said that he thinks that legitimate rape is just as devastating as illegitimate rape. Howard said he knows some big words. He was surprised by that. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and sang along with the song a little bit. Howard said he loves Pink Floyd but he gets so depressed by their music. Howard said everything is so depressing. Howard said he's been suffering from some kind of depression. He said his shrink takes off the whole month of August and it's not good to leave him alone like that. Howard said he reverts back to who he was before. He said he reverts back to that animal he is.
Howard said he tries to take the most vacation in August. He said he's insane in August. Howard said that's why Gary took so much stuff yesterday.
Howard said he read about Rosie O'Donnell's heart attack yesterday. Robin said that she was going to talk about that today. Robin said that she never even mentioned it to her in the emails they've been sending. Robin said that Rosie just sent a $10,000 donation to the 15 Foundation and she didn't mention the heart attack. Howard said she has like a 90 percent blockage. Robin said Rosie was helping a really heavy set woman into her car and then she felt sick later in the day. She felt clammy and tried taking an aspirin. She just waited until the next day to go to the doctor and she found out that it was life threatening. Howard said his doctor tells him he should take a baby aspirin every day and he hasn't done it. Howard said they say you're supposed to do it even if you're healthy. Robin said they say that it can cause damage too from what she's read.
Big Foot Jr. said that he eats a baby every day. Howard said it's supposed to be a baby aspirin. Big Foot didn't realize that. He mentioned the silverfish he has in his apartment and how they shoot out of his penis. Howard said he's not laughing at him, he's laughing with him. Big Foot said he's good either way.
Howard said that tomorrow they have the Bobo's Treasure Trade game coming up. Robin asked if he's going to be giving away his stuff. Howard said they don't want to say what it is yet. Gary made sure to let him know not to give it away yet.
Howard said this guy could hurt the presidential race. He said that Sean Hannity is right about that. Howard said that people turn on the whole party when one guy like this is out there. Howard said they remind you about some of the things they support. Howard said they want to overturn abortion and that's what people are reminded of. Howard said Hannity had this Aiken guy on and he asked him to explain this whole abortion thing. Howard said Aiken looks like he has a Cro-Magnon head. He said he looks really strange.
Howard played the audio from Hannity's show where this guy talked about the female body being able to shut that whole thing down after a rape. Aiken said he had heard that it was harder for a woman to get pregnant after a rape but he was wrong about that statement. Howard said his explanation was actually pretty good. He said that he's still an idiot. Hannity was telling him that he has people writing to him and they think that he could put the whole ticket in jeopardy if he doesn't get out. Howard said Hannity is right.
Howard said Aiken didn't show up for Piers Morgan's show last night. He said he's about as conservative as they get. Howard said that this whole rape discussion is as dumb as when Sal said that white women who get pregnant by black guys are usually drunk. He said that's just as retarded. Howard said it's weird.
Big Foot Jr. said that abortions taste like chicken. He said that's what he's been told. Howard said the real Big Foot wasn't available so they got Big Foot Jr.
Robin had a Todd Aiken ad that he put out. Howard played that clip and Aiken was talking about how bad rape is. He apologized for what he said. Howard said he's always going to be that guy who said that women can turn off the sperm from a rape. Howard said he should give up now.
The caller told Howard that there are side effects for aspirin but if he takes them with coatings he should be fine. Big Foot Jr. asked if she could spread her pussy lips so he could fuck it. She said she gets that all the time at work. She said she's a nurse and she gets that at the hospital all the time. Howard asked who she looks like. She said that she's been told she looks like Kate Hudson. Big Foot Jr. asked if she looks like Benjy because he'd fuck Benjy. She said she looks better than Benjy.
The caller, Natalie, said that she gets hit on a lot at the hospital. She said that a lot of guys will move their penis for her and they love to shot it off. She said that she just flicks it to the side. Howard said guys are great. The guy just had a brush with death and he wants to show off his cock.
Howard said Natalie sounds very exciting. She said that her husband is great and she gives him just about anything he wants. Not anal though. Big Foot Jr. said ''Booooring!'' Howard asked if she goes out without panties on. She said she has done that. Howard said that's pretty hot. He asked if she's ever gotten it on with other girls. She said she hasn't done that either. Big Foot asked if she's been with a ''grimy Mexican.'' She said she hasn't. Howard said she sounds very lovely. Howard said he did zone out with her there at the start.
Gary said he thinks that he might have a picture of Natalie. Howard asked how he found that. Gary said there are ways to find stuff. Howard took a look at it and so did Big Foot. Howard said he has to take a break but he's in such a panic about doing AGT today. He said 8 o'clock is his bed time but he's going to be up really late tonight. He said Beth is a saint living with him.
Howard said Beth went to a movie screening and she met Gwyneth Paltrow. Howard said she thinks the world of her. Howard said the meeting went fabulous. Howard said Beth really likes her. Howard said the movie wasn't Gwyneth's movie. He said it was a cop movie and Beth loved it. Howard said she said that it was one of the best movies she's seen and she thinks that one of the guys will win an Oscar for it.
Howard said he had a couple of women who wanted to be introduced to Bradley Cooper. Robin said she got a text from him yesterday and that was very nice. Howard asked if she would fuck him. Robin said she can't do that.
Howard said the other call he gets is about Sharon Osbourne leaving AGT. He said women want to be the next judge but he has nothing to do with that. Howard said that he already told them that Robin would be a good judge. Howard said he has told Jason Raff that she'd be great. Howard said Jason says it has nothing to do with him though. Howard said he thinks that maybe Simon Cowell would make that decision. Robin said Simon doesn't like her. Howard said he has talked to Simon about it and he says that they don't listen to him over there. Howard said he's not sure who is in charge. He went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and talked up the song as if he was Gary on the Playlist show. Howard moved on to ask Robin if she read about Kobe Bryant's wife, Vanessa, in the paper who said that she wouldn't want to be married to someone who can't win championships. Howard said he knows she was cheated on by him but she's saying that she'll leave him if he can't win.
Howard said they have Vanessa on the phone. He picked up on her and it was Rachel Butera (@RachButeraVoice) doing the voice which sounded kind of like her Wanda Sykes impression.
Howard talked to Vanessa about what she said in the paper and she was telling Howard that she may only stay with him one more season. Howard asked what other guys she would consider banging. Vanessa told Howard she wrote a little rhyme about it. She had a bunch of names of guys she'd be with and rhymed their names with the things they could do to her.
Howard said it might be best not to say this stuff in public. Vanessa said she could be putting her pussy out there all over the place if he isn't going to bring home the ring. She said if he's not going to bring home the championship ring then he's going to be kissing her brown ring.
Howard said Vanessa has that man on a program and he might be motivated to win this season. She said that she's desperate for a man. She said she wants a championship and a big dick too. Vanessa told Howard that she had another poem but after she read it Howard said he thinks her first one was better.
Howard said he thinks he's had enough of Vanessa. Howard said he'll talk to her later. He let her go a short time later.
Howard said the guys were talking about JD's relationships and how they always end up secretive. He said the women sleep with him just once and it must be so bad that they don't go back. Howard said that he makes it seem like there is some love affair going on but it doesn't ever get to that point. JD came in and said that it's not like that. Howard said when you're into a girl it's not supposed to be a secret. JD said he hasn't even gotten to the point where it's a relationship. Howard said he can't just get a normal girl who wants to be with him. He said that he can't even talk about them on the air. Howard said this latest girl he can't even talk about. JD said talking about it isn't one of the things she likes. Robin said they never like being talked about. Howard asked Robin if she'd want to talk about it if she fucked JD. JD said that's enough of that.
Howard said Elisa Jordana can't get enough of Benjy talking about her. Howard asked JD about this girl he was going out with. JD said he has hung out with her a couple of times. Howard asked how many months ago it was. JD said that it's been a month and a half. Howard said it's over. He said she has dumped him. Howard said no girl goes that long if she's into him. JD said Howard doesn't know all of the details. Howard said he doesn't need to know them.
Howard said all of the girls he's with are like in the CIA. Howard said it's always some mystery. He said he just needs a normal girl. JD said the people who know what he's talking about know what he's talking about. Robin asked what those people advised him to do. JD said there is no advice. Big Foot Jr. said that he should do what he does, just chop off their heads and bury them in a shallow grave.
Howard said he knows these broads. He said they fuck you and then they fuck your head up. He said they sleep with you once and you think you have a relationship. JD said she liked him. Howard said she did and now she doesn't. Howard said she could dump the boyfriend or the husband. JD said she lives in another state too. Howard said she lives in a state of confusion. Howard said Ronnie saw her and he said that she's really hot. Howard said this girl doesn't want to hurt anyone but that's all bullshit. Big Foot said he has more pussy in his trunk than JD has had in the past 10 years.
Jon ran down a few more things he had for today's show. Howard went into a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about women drinking more after getting married and men drink less. Howard said there's a good chance that if you marry a man you will be driven crazy. He said you will slowly die inside and you'll have to drive out the voices inside. Howard said that he thinks he's a good husband but he has to be a misery. He said he's miserable all the time. Howard said he asks Beth how she can take it. Howard said he was depressed on Sunday and she asked what the hell was wrong with him. Howard said it's everything.
Howard said the guy who you're dating is going to end up being the guy who calls you a cunt. Howard said that he sees marriages and they're awful. Howard said he sees guys who can't stop making out with their girlfriend sand then 2 years later they're calling them a cunt. Big Foot said that's why he uses ''cunt'' not he first date.
Robin said that Phyllis Diller has passed away. Howard said Ronnie is upset because he went to high school with her. He was just kidding of course. Robin had some audio of Florence Henderson talking about her passing. Howard said Phyllis was great on TV. He said he remembers seeing her when he was a kid. Howard said she was great with the one liners and stuff.
Howard went through the paper to find the Diller stuff and pointed out that the photo on page 15 of the NY Post was taken by him. Howard said you can see where it says ''Photo by Howard Stern.'' Howard said the story was about this dog that the family adopted and how it saved their lives. He said that the family was sleeping and the dog woke them up barking. Howard said the woman said that they never imagined that the dog could save their lives. Howard said that gives him chills.
Howard read some of Phyllis Diller's one liners and said he loved that stuff when he was a kid. Howard read a bunch of those lines and the guys were laughing at them. Howard said they're simple jokes. Robin said Joan Rivers was touched by her death too. Robin had some audio of Joan talking about Diller. Howard said they had her on their show when they were at NBC. They didn't get to know her very well though. Robin read about some of the problems Diller had over the past 15 years or so. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about the down sizing of Jay Leno's show. Robin had some audio of Jay making a joke about it last night. Howard said now they're making Comcast the bad guy. Howard said he still says Jay is the bad guy. Howard said he's saying that Comcast isn't the bad guy and Jay is.
Robin read about the death of Tony Scott and how there is video of people who witnessed the suicide. Robin said that TMZ has been offered the video. Howard said that he hates when TMZ gets morals. He said he relies on them to get that kind of stuff. He said it must be really bad stuff.
Robin read that Kelly Ripa will be announcing who her new co-host is on September 4th. Robin said they speculate that it's Michael Strahan. Howard said he never pictured a black guy. He said he figured it was an old white guy's job. Robin said things are changing. She said that they have had Michael on the show. Howard didn't remember that until she told him some details about what he talked about.
Robin read about Todd Aiken and had some audio of Mitt Romney talking about what he said. Robin said he should be blasting the guy but he really wasn't. Howard said the whole thing is crazy. Robin had some other audio of Paul Ryan and Mitt Romney talking about the upcoming election. Robin had some of the political ads the parties are running too. They ended up talking about how Paul Ryan had voted against planned parenthood. Big Foot Jr. said that he was a result of unplanned parenthood. He said there are going to be a lot more people like him if there is no planned parenthood.
Robin read about some female golfers who were just admitted into an all male club at Augusta National. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about that.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man who asked if Sharon isn't on America's Got Talent, who would he recommend. Howard said he doesn't know. He said he'd have to say Robin. Howard said a lot of people want to be on the show but he has no control over that. Howard said it's not up to him. It's up to NBC. Howard said he's just a team player over there.
Speech also said he was watching Superman and he wondered if he has any other arch enemies other than Lex Luthor. Howard said he has a lot. He has Doomsday, Mister Mxyzptlk and a bunch of others. Howard said Speech doesn't care about Superman. He's just trying to get air time. Howard said there's Braniac too. Speech said he must be pretty smart. Howard said he's a genius. Howard said he's also an enemy of Superman's. Howard told Speech to read the comic books if he's interested. Howard said it's every time he calls in.
King of All Blacks was on the phone and he said he saw Beth on TV and she looked gorgeous. He said she was all dark and tan and he's never seen her so beautiful. King asked if he likes her tan or alabaster white. Howard said he likes the way she looks either way. He said she likes to tan and she gets dark in 3 seconds. Howard said he likes her both ways. King said he likes her tan. He also had a Superman question for him. He asked where he kept his uniform when he would run behind a building. Robin said he wore it under his clothes. Howard said the truth is that he changes so fast that he can just spin and get dressed. Howard said he has to go. He wondered what kind of show this is today.
Robin said the family of Tony Scott is saying that he didn't have a brain tumor like it was reported. Robin said they're waiting for autopsy reports to come back to find out what was really going on.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard said earlier that he wouldn't save Tony Scott from jumping but he did save someone on the air once. Howard said that was different. He said he didn't have to be there on the bridge. Howard was afraid that he'd get pulled over the side with the guy if he was trying to save Tony Scott. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read about a new game show that's called ''The American Bible Challenge.'' She had some audio of some of the people involved with that.
Robin said that Mariah Carey is apparently upset that Nicki Minaj's name is mentioned as one of the possible judges for American Idol. She was under the impression she'd be the only female judge. Howard said she shouldn't put up with that shit. Howard said he thinks that it should be one woman and two dudes. Robin said they may be bringing in two women and two men. Howard said that's what they do on the X-Factor.
Robin said that Nadya Suleman has a new song out. Howard said it must be great. Robin had some audio of the song so they played that. Howard said she should be home with those kids. Robin said she's not sure that's even music. Howard said it's no worse than Benjy's music. Howard said Benjy's is actually better.
Robin read that Clint Eastwood wants Bradley Cooper to star in a remake of ''A Star is Born'' with Beyonce. Robin said that Cooper is apparently thinking about doing it. Robin had some audio of one of Beyonce's songs that she had Howard play.
Robin read about a tribute to Deep Purple that's coming out. Robin said that the album will come with 124 page magazine with stories about the band. Howard wondered if anyone was looking for that. That led to them playing some Deep Purple and then a song parody that Sal and Richard did.
Howard thanked Jason for doing the Big Foot impression. He's on Twitter now and you can follow him @JayTesoro They ended the show around 10:05am.
Jon said that Howard lives for that stuff that he was talking about with Richie Wilson's wedding list. Scott said he had his reasons for leaving people off the list. Scott said he can't invite everyone. He said he would leave Jason off the list if he was having a wedding.
Jon asked Richie if he was trying to send people a message. Richie said that he had to have a cut off somewhere. He said that if he invited people to a cook out this weekend he's not sure they'd be so upset. Richie said that it's their wedding and they should be able to invite who they want without being questioned.
They were having some microphone issues so Jon went to break so they could fix it.
Gary said that he and Scott got along very well for so long. Then the camera thing happened. Gary said that Scott has been left out of parties and stuff. Jason said he got invited to Howard's place that one time.
Jason said the reason he came in there is because Scott was talking about how he and Gary fill Howard's head with lies. Jason said he didn't say a word to Howard. He said Scott was blaming him for something that he didn't do. Scott said he said it could have been him or Gary. Jason said he didn't say a word to Howard about anything. Gary said Jason said something to him. Scott said that's the same thing. Jason said it's really not. Scott, Gary and Jason went around in circles with that argument for a couple of minutes.
Jon said they're going to get off the hidden camera thing. Jon said that when these situations occur with the wedding then you know something is going to happen. Gary asked Richie if he expected this discussion today. Richie said he did. He said that they have to have a cut off somewhere. He said Rachel wanted Jon and Jason there. He said that Rachel and Jason get a little chatter thing going when they're up there together.
Jason said that he went to see Rachel sing last year and he found out that he and Richie have a lot in common with the TV shows they watch.
Gary asked Benjy if he's upset that he can't bring his girlfriend to the wedding. Richie said that they had a discussion with Elisa and they weren't pleasant. Richie said that she was very cold and rude to some people. He said that she was very rude to people at the Christmas party too. Gary said he thought she was under Benjy's shtick coma.
Tim Sabean came in so Jon asked him about not being invited to the wedding. Tim said that he didn't really expect one. He said they don't really hang out that much. Richie said if they did hang out he'd probably be invited in a second.
Steve Brandano said that he wasn't expecting to be invited to the wedding. He said the problem is that there has been some contention with Gary and Will in the past. He said he knows he doesn't like Lisa G so with that math he was worried about what point he was making. Richie said he gets that.
Richie said he likes Will a lot and he's not saying he doesn't like him because he didn't invite him. Benjy asked if he has different groups of like. Richie said there are some Howard TV guys who aren't invited too. Steve asked if there are guys who he likes less than him that he had to invite to the wedding. Richie said he invited people he hangs out with.
Gary asked if McClure is invited. Richie said he's good friends with him. Gary said that he had to invite some people to his wedding. Richie said they invited who they wanted.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Richie made a very clear statement when he asked if anyone else would invite Lisa to their wedding. Jason said that you have to make cuts somewhere. Jon said he's pretty sure that Lisa wouldn't be on the list no matter how big the list was. Richie said Gary would be invited. He said they invited 200 people and they were hoping that some people would cancel. He said they might be fucked when almost 200 show up to a room that only holds 150. They spent a couple of minutes on that and then went to break.
Jon said that Robin was saying that no one can talk to him anymore. Ronnie said he talked to her the other day with no problem. Ronnie said he goes into that studio and he's on the defensive. Gary said he thinks that he goes from 0-60 and he gets so defensive.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Ronnie is delusional and he's unlistenable. He said he thinks the whole show is all about him and he's just a glorified cab driver. Ronnie asked what he does. The caller wanted to finish what he was saying. The caller said it's none of his business what he does. The caller said that he's disrespecting the guy who made him something. He said that Ronnie could just say that Howard has a point. Ronnie doesn't even know what polarizing means.
Jon asked what they thought of Fred's reaction when the save the date card thing came up. Gary said that's a really good shot that you're invited if you get that card. Gary said Fred could have said he got the card instead of saying he wasn't sure if he was invited. He said Howard loves to exploit those misunderstandings.
Ronnie said that Fred was acting like he didn't know if he even got the invitation. Gary asked Jon if he sent his invitations out in waves. Gary said he thinks he did that. Richie said they sent some out a week apart. He said it wasn't to see if certain people were going to come.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he has been in Ronnie's company and he's such a great guy. He said he's sick of people picking on him. He also asked why Richie wouldn't invite Benjy's girlfriend. He said he wouldn't want to be friends with a guy like that. Richie said that's why he's not friends with him. Gary said he probably should have been all in or all out with Benjy. Richie said he's probably right about that.
Benjy said he thinks there is jealousy there. Richie said that there is no jealousy. Ronnie said that they thought she was a snot and she wasn't very nice. Richie said that's what they felt and she wasn't very nice at Rick's and she wasn't very nice at the Christmas party. Benjy said she's a little classier and a little brother than him and that's not what they expected.
Jon asked Richie how he's going to move on from this. Richie said he's not going to give people invites now based on this. Gary said if he came to him and changed his mind he'd understand but if he just gave him an invitation it wouldn't be good. Richie said they were 50/50 with Gary and they didn't hate him or anything. Gary said he thinks that Richie has become a nicer person since he got back together with Rachel. He said that he really has changed in the past two years. Richie thanked him for noticing.
Gary said that Beth was all excited about the wedding and she asked if he had gotten his invitation. He said Beth thinks that everyone likes everyone else but he told her that he didn't think he was going to get one because he doesn't think Richie likes him.
Jon asked about the ''Twat Raper'' song that Sal did. Gary said that he told Sal and Richard that they put the songs up and it was a ''no'' for Sal. Sal was shocked that it was a no. Jon said he'd love to have more time to talk to Sal about that.
Benjy said one of the most fascinating things today was that Howard got talked to about the Jay Leno thing. He said that's fascinating to him and he'd like to see how that plays out. Gary said that they must think that he's part of the family and he wouldn't do that to the family. Jon said the best thing for them to do is just let it play out.
Gary wondered if Jay had anything to do with that talk Howard got. Jon said he's not sure. Benjy said it could have been someone who wanted it to come up on the air. Gary said Jay is kind of weaselie about the way he gets things to come out based on the book's he's read about him.
Gary wondered if Jay would have Howard back on his show. Jon said he's not sure. He said if they did then it would be huge. Gary said he thinks if Jay was there and wanted to come on Howard would have a tough call to make if he wanted to have him in. He said he'd have to be honest with him. Gary said he's pretty sure Howard wouldn't go on Jay's show if he was invited. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking about how tired he is this morning. Robin asked how he is. Howard said he's doing horrible. He said it's very warm in the studio. Fred agreed. Howard said that last night's AGT was the best ever. Howard said they had a lot of great moments. Robin said everyone stepped up. Howard said some people were wondering why they can't get rid of some of the YouTube acts and get some of last night's people on the show.
Howard said he got home after work and he had to take a nap so he figured he could jerk off. Howard said he was contemplating raping his hand. Howard said he figured it would be best to do it when he got home after the show.
Howard said he took a shower and got over to AGT and he tried to be late. He said he got there early of course. Howard said Howie was there before him. He said he's always super early. He said he did press and pre-show meetings and stuff. Howard said then he did the show and got home. He said he got home around 11 and he as all jacked up so he watched the show and fast forwarded to his parts. He said that he wanted to see how the acts looked and sounded too. Howard said he thinks he's the only interesting judge so he has to see himself. Robin got a laugh out of that. Howard said the other two judges are like bees buzzing in his ear. Howard said he's really the only one that matters.
Robin asked if Howard was happy with all of the acts he brought back. Howard said he does. Howard said he thinks that the people wanted them too. He said three of them are definite. He said people like Ben Black and the ventriloquist. Howard said the audience loved him and so did the Twitter people. Howard said Spencer Horsman was good too. He said he's not sure that Horse is going to go through but he is the one being talked about the most. Howard said he shot tennis balls at his nuts. Howard said that went viral on YouTube immediately. He said it's fun whenever that guy is on the show. Howard said Howie was crowing about the acts he brought back but he thinks that more of his acts will go through than Howie's will. Howard said people thought the ventriloquist guy was great but no one was congratulating him.
Robin said the Mariachi kid picked the wrong song. Howard said he is a sweet kid but he was off last night. Howard said he has a great shtick going but it's not happening for him. Howard said he told that other kid who sang that it's not happening for him either. Howard said he's only 15 so he won't beat him up over that hairdo. Howard said he's a brave kid and he's an entertainer. Howard said some day they'll see him on Broadway or something.
Howard said the clog dancers are okay but he's sure people fast forward through them. Howard said he's sure they do that with Lindsay to. He said it's the same thing every time. Robin said it was not special.
Howard said Andrew De Leon is a possibility but he's not the kind of guy he'd go see. Fred said he thinks he's more of a niche performer. Howard said he thinks that Horse should go through. He said he may not win but he should get another week. Howard said he'd rather see Horse over Andrew. Fred agreed. Howard said the young boys love Horse. Howard said they don't care about anyone but Horse.
Robin said she was watching Horse with some younger kids and they do love that stuff. Howard said he was in heaven shooting those tennis balls at him. He said he was sitting next to that machine and it's very loud and fierce. Howard said the machine was set at full throttle and that means it's 90 miles per hour. He said they were clocking them at 100 though.
Howard said tonight should be good. He said he thinks that a lot of people will tune in for that. Howard said it'll be interesting to see who they pick. Howard asked Robin for her top 4. Robin said the escape artist is one. Howard said that's one of his guys. Robin said she's trying to remember some of the other acts. Howard said he has all day so give him a number 2. Robin said no to the magicians. Robin said she'll also say the crossbow guy. Howard said he agrees with that because that's one of his guys. Howard asked for two more picks. He said ''America have voted.'' He said he wishes that Nick would say that. Robin said he doesn't say that but he says ''git'' instead of ''get.'' Howard said he must have grown up in the south.
Robin said she doesn't think anyone else should go through. Howard asked Fred for a pick. Fred went with the ventriloquist and Horse. Howard said he doesn't think Horse will get through. Fred also went with the crossbow guy. Howard said that Fred and Robin are all picking his picks even though Howie was crowing about his own picks.
Howard said it's really not easy being a judge. He said he brought back people who you remember. He said he would go see any of his acts over any of the other ones.
Howard gave Howard and Robin the rundown of who they had there. Fred and Robin were saying no to everyone. Robin said she liked the acrobats. Howard said they were good but he's not sure that America will vote for them. Howard said they were great. Howard said all of the non-singing acts are doing better than the others. Howard said maybe Andrew De Leon. Howard said the Mariachi kid may not get through. Fred said he thinks he's gone.
Howard said he thinks Howie's picks won't make it. Fred said that Howie does know the show and he has picked some lame stuff in the past. Howard said he does know lame. Howard said Sharon and Howie were both crowing. He said that they don't want to say he's a great judge. Robin said maybe they're intimidated.
Howard said after the show he had his make up taken off. He said it's like taking down a building. He said he keeps announcing that he's got to work tomorrow so he has to get out quick. Howard said he's telling everyone he can about that. Howard said he starts walking out and this woman asks to take pictures with him. Howard said it was just some fucking broad. Howard said he had just announced that he had to get out of there. Howard said he was yelling it and people still ask to take pictures. Howard said there's always one.
Howard said he would clear the halls there if he could. He said that he ended up taking one picture and then everyone wanted to take one. He said everyone has an iPhone and it's the worst.
Howard took a call form Mariann from Brooklyn who was talking about how great the show was. She said she thinks Horse will go through. She said she thinks that Andrew De Leon will go through too. She said that the show was great last night. Howard said Horse was great because he took all of his advice on what to do. He told him to go back to being in his underwear and not doing the super hero bit. Howard said he wanted more ball shots and that's what the people wanted. Robin said he injures himself every time too. Howard said it's never his balls. He had a bloody lip last night. Howard suggested getting big celebrities to hit him in the nuts. He had him do the tennis ball thing.
Mariann said that the ventriloquist guy was good. Robin said she wasn't that impressed. Howard said he thought he did way better. He told him to do quick one liners and he went with the political thing and it was so much better. Robin said it wasn't great though.
Mariann said that Mariachi kid is so annoying and pretentious. She said she can't take that kid. Howard said the kid always knows how to get a tear in his eye. Mariann said she can't stand it. Howard said he's a sweet kid. Mariann said that she can't wait for Bobo to come on the show today. Howard hung up on her after that.
Howard said he thinks he did it the right way with the Mariachi kid. He said he sang a song in English and it revealed how he really sings. Robin said he can't really sing.
Howard said Jimmy's show took in like $82 million last year while NBC took in $150 million and CBS had $154 million. Howard said that Jimmy could bring ABC up by 20 million and it would be worth the move.
Howard said they went into Philadelphia with zero ratings many years ago. He said they went from a 0 rating to a top 5 rating. He said that they were generating a lot of money for the station and they had already won at that point. He said they were in and they had beaten almost every radio station in Philadelphia. Howard said it took a little time and they beat the number one station. Howard said it took a few years but they eventually did it. Howard said he thinks that Jimmy will be a winner. He said it will be something if he beats Leno and Letterman.
Howard said he's going to be doing Letterman on a Wednesday in September. He said he thinks it might be the 5th. He said it's something like that. He said he might even be doing the Jimmy Kimmel show. He said he's not sure if he talked to him about that or not. Howard said he knows Jimmy will be in New York around Halloween for a week of shows. Howard said he'll do the show since it's local. He said he thinks he agreed to do it but maybe he didn't.
Howard said he's not even sure if he did talk to Jimmy about doing the show. He said he might be imagining it and it might be because of the Ambien he took last night. Howard said he had to take that and he had to jerk off. Howard said he watched a video of this really skinny girl blowing a couple of guys and it turned him on very much. He said it sounds odd but he was really attracted to the girl. Howard said this girl was really attractive. He said that she could be doing something else with her life.
Howard said Jimmy is going to be in Brooklyn for a week doing his show. Howard said he's not sure why Jimmy can be in Brooklyn but AGT couldn't find something in Brooklyn. Howard said he would like to be able to get home quicker. He said he's so tired.
Howard said he got to bed last night and watched some of AGT. He said it didn't relax him though. He said he has such a headache from that Ambien. He said he feels like shit. He said he got up later than usual too. He said he got up at 4:50 and he's usually up at 4. Howard said he has a boner all night long now too. He said he's not sure how you sleep with that thing. Howard said he tries to just lay there and not go pee. He said he has this whole dialog going on with himself. He said being neurotic is awful.
Robin said she had a very long day herself. She said she went to the John Stamos show and it's very long. She said she rushed home and she wanted to watch AGT too. She said she watched the entire show and it was 11:46 when she finished. Robin said she went to sleep and woke up a little later than normal. She said she's there now.
Howard said that Jimmy's show is going to make more money and it'll be interesting to see how he does. Howard asked Fred who he thinks his show is going to hurt. Fred said it'll be Letterman but he'll also hurt Leno. He said he thinks that within two years he'll be beating both. Robin agreed that it will hurt Letterman. She said that's where the hip audience is. Howard said the answer is that he'll beat both of them but it will take a little while. He said he's confident in that decision. He said Jimmy is going to host the Emmys too. Howard said he also got engaged to Molly recently and he's happy for both of them.
Howard said he's proud to say he's throwing the Jimmy Kimmel engagement party. He said he just gave himself that honor.
Robin asked Howard about Matt Lauer and how Al Roker took a shot at him. Howard said that was odd because he's the least controversial on the show. Howard said they took Ann Curry off the show and some people weren't happy about that. Howard said he doesn't get why Al Roker does the weather anyway. It's a waste of time to do it for the whole country. He said he has the weather in his house all day long thanks to the internet.
Howard played the audio of Al Roker taking a shot at Matt. He said he was kind of proud of him for doing that. Al was joking about how they throw people under the bus on their show after a guest was on. Howard said that he was kind of proud of him in a way. He wondered who would win in a fist fight between those two. Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about that.
Howard said Al is a black man and when you grow up a black man you have to have some fighting skills. Robin said he has said he doesn't have very good fighting skills. Howard said it was sort of out of character for Al. Howard said that took him by surprise. Howard said that Matt doesn't really have anything to do with who he's working with. He said that's like people thinking that he has control over who will replace Sharon if she leaves AGT. Howard said he has no say in that at all.
Howard said he's going to speak for Matt. He will fire anyone at any time and he doesn't have to check with anyone.
Howard said he has a new phony phone call to play too. He said Sal and Richard called a Christian internet radio show. No matter what they said they got prayers. Howard played the call and Sal is the first one to call in. He asked them to pray for his brother Fred Willard. He said he was stroking his cock so please pray for him. The people on the show did pray for him. Then Richard calls in and asked them to pray for Peter North who is known for shooting ropes on women's faces. They did pray for him. One of the hosts even said that they'd pray that his balls are okay.
Howard said he loves when the host says ''Amen'' in the clip. Robin said those people sound so unprofessional. Howard said they pray for no matter what they ask them to pray for.
Howard said this guy Todd Aiken got the nomination to run for senate and he said this stupid thing about rape. He said that even Mitt Romney asked him to get out but he won't. Robin said that's what's wrong with the tea party. She said they think they're right all the time. Howard played a phony Todd Aiken ad where they have a professional rapist talking about how he's throwing his weight behind him.
Howard said they had Amy Schumer coming in today. He played some of her material from the Roseanne roast that ran on Comedy Central recently. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that was his man from Train. He said it was Pat Monahan with his hit song. Howard said that the guys in the studio were talking and he was trying to do a show. Howard said they're setting up for Bobo's Treasure Trade.
Howard said he got a letter from Ralphie May who wrote to him about the loss of his dog Bianca. Howard said Ralphie lost his dog too and he made a donation to the North Shore Animal League. Robin asked how he's doing. Howard said he signed it ''Imperfectly yours'' so he must not be doing so well.
Howard said that Tom Chiusano sent in money too. He said it was very nice of everyone to do that. Howard said Beth is writing everyone a personal note to thank them for that. Robin asked how it is getting over the loss. Howard said it's really hard. He said that they have pictures all over the house and they are reminded of her every day. He said they have her beds out and the cats have been using them. Howard said Beth is completely torn up. He said she started crying the other night when they were out to dinner. He said that it really hits her hard. Howard said it's difficult to get over because she was like their kid.
Howard said he got help from his psychiatrist until he abandoned him during the month of August. Howard said he just had to go out and spend time with his own family. Howard said he has encouraged Beth to talk to someone but it's tough to find one in the month of August. Howard said they all seem to take off in august.
Howard said that maybe he should do Reiki massage. Robin said she can do that now. Howard said he heard that Reiki is when people put their hands over you and they say they have special powers. He said that he just sleeps during it because no one touches him. He said it must have been invented by someone who got tired of touching people during a massage. Howard said he used to feel them rubbing his back but now they don't rub. Robin said she's going to practice on Howard one day. Howard said he'll let her do that if he can touch her boobs while she does it.
Howard said that he has a couple more notes about last night's AGT. He said that he was in his dressing room and one of the guys showed him that Medicated Pete tried to forge a ticket to get in. Howard said that it was pretty good except he put in that it was ''Saturday'' for a Tuesday show. Howard said Pete could have just asked him for tickets. Howard said he wanted them to find a ticket for him if they could. Howard said that it's heartbreaking to see him in that toupee.
Robin said that Jeff the Drunk was there too. Howard picked up on Jeff who was wearing his new sling last night. Howard said the sling is all black and he had no idea that it would be invented some day. He said Jeff was in Mariann's box... so to speak. Howard said that there were some other people there too. Jeff said Pete was also up there. Howard said that it was Pete, Jeff and someone else. Jeff said it was Ethan Allman or something. Howard asked if that was a friend of Jeff's. Jeff said that's who it was.
Howard said Pete dyed his toupee red. Howard said it looked kind of red to him. Jeff didn't have much to add so Howard was going to hang up. Jeff said the show was very good last night. Howard said he has been on the phone since 6 and he has nothing to say. Jeff said the show was very good last night. Howard asked him if the show was good. Jeff said it was. That's all he had to say. Jeff said he didn't get home until 2 in the morning. Robin said he has no reason to get home any earlier.
Howard asked what act he liked the best. Jeff said he liked the bow and arrow dude. He said he gave all of his votes to that guy. Howard asked if he's allowed to vote and if he's been arrested. Jeff said he hasn't been arrested. Howard said he liked that guy. Howard said he liked the assistant too. He said he's about one foot away from her and he knows nothing about her but fuck the bow and arrow guy. He said her ass is amazing. Howard said he wanted to ask if she was wearing panties with that but it is a kid's show. Howard said he didn't see a thong line at all. Howard said she was quite a bonus for that act.
Howard took a call from Wheels who said that he had a review of the show last night. He went through the acts and gave his thoughts on each one. Wheels had jokes about each one. Howard didn't know what that was all about. Wheels said he just wrote it before calling in. Howard said he didn't want to hear it. Wheels gave him his real thoughts about each one that he liked. Wheels said he can't believe that the guy with the crossbow isn't banging that assistant. Howard said she is hot.
Howard evaluated Wheels' phone call. Howard said that his jokes weren't that great but his phone connection is great. He said he must be on a land line.
Howard said Doug Goodstein saw Medicated Pete last night and his fingers were bleeding like crazy. Howard said he chews on his fingers. Howard said on the couch they had pictures of the skin he picks off. Robin said it's like he sheds. Doug came in and said that he had a great night last night. He said everything went great and he asked Pete to take a picture of him with the people he was there with. He said he saw Pete's fingers were full of blood and he realized that his camera must have been full of it. He said it was vile.
Howard said that Doug's daughter looked like she was having fun. Doug said she loves Howard and Howie. He said that Howie was talking as Bobby from Bobby's world with her.
Howard asked Bobo what the show means to him. Bobo said it means everything. He said it brings him so much joy in his life. He said he has had a divorce and it's been tough through the years and the show helps. He said the show means everything to him. He said it's like an extended family. Howard said it's almost like a motorcycle gang. Bobo said that's exactly what it is.
Howard asked Bobo if there's anything about the show he doesn't understand since he has such a low IQ. Bobo said he understands it just fine. Howard said he has an 86 IQ. Howard said he emailed Richie Wilson the other day asking him for his email address. Howard asked how that happens. Bobo said he called him and asked him. Richie came in and said he forwarded his email to Will and he saw it. He did email him asking him for his email address.
Bobo said he's mentally exhausted from this thing. Howard asked how he does that. Bobo said he doesn't remember doing that. He remembers calling and asking for it.
Howard said Bobo has a bunch of his treasured items from his shrine. Bobo said he has the Private Parts book and that's the most valuable to him. He said he has Howard's signature and his parents and Gary's mom's too. He said he has Butt Bongo Fiesta there and he has the channel 9 shows on tape. He taped them himself. Howard asked if he ever puts them in and watches them. Bobo said he does. Howard said he tries to avoid those shows.
Bobo said he has a lot of tapes of his phone calls from the past years. Bobo said he has the Miss America Book that was signed too. Howard said he has everything wrapped in plastic. Bobo said he has a cigarette lighter from when Howard ran for governor. He said he has this thing from the last day at K-Rock. He had the ID tags from when he got upstairs for that day.
Howard said Bobo has shown them some of this stuff and asked him what would be the hardest to part with. Bobo said that the Leroy Neiman poster might be the hardest. He said that Howard signed it for him.
Howard said he's going to direct Bobo's attention to the table in the studio. They have numbers on the items there and they are all in black. Howard said that they have 34 items there. Howard said that they feel that all of the items are valuable. He said that they're all Howard Stern Show items. Howard said they are very valuable and he could potentially win them. Howard had the guys reveal what was behind number 12. The item was Robin's bra. The one she wore and showed on the old E! show. Howard asked Bobo if he could imagine that hanging in his shrine. Howard asked if that's more valuable than his Leroy Neiman poster. Bobo said no. He said he would love to have it but he's not sure what he would trade off for it.
Howard said he will give Bobo the bra if he does the following. Howard said he can pass on this but he could get this item. He said he will have to have Sal come in there and do clown paint on his face with his penis. Howard said he could have Robin's bra if he lets Sal paint his face with his penis. Bobo said he thinks he's going to move on. Howard said he may not have a lot of options here. He said he has to work for this stuff. Bobo asked if he could go for more stuff if he does that one thing. Howard said of course he can. Bobo agreed to let Sal paint his face then.
Howard had Sal come in to paint Bobo's face. Sal had paint and put it on his penis to paint Bobo's face. Bobo was freaking out while Sal did the painting. Sal said he looks like Rudolph. He got some of the paint on his lips. Howard told Sal to get away from him. Bobo said he doesn't know if that was worth it. Richie told him it's not really Robin's bra but Howard assured him it was.
Howard said that was a lot to go through. He moved on to the next item which was number 13. Howard said he can't believe they're offering it to him. It was the OJ mask. Howard said Neil Drake used to wear that on the show all the time. Howard said no one has the OJ Mask other than them. He said they have two and one of them can be Bobo's. Bobo said that would enhance his shrine big time. Howard said he'll ask Bobo one trivia question and if he gets it right he'll give him the mask. If he gets it wrong he loses his Leroy Neiman poster. Bobo said he can't do that. Howard said the OJ mask is a one of a kind thing. Howard said a lot of people have that poster. Bobo said that not everyone has the poster framed and signed. Howard said he'll trade him the OJ Mask for his toupee. Bobo said no to that too. Howard told them to put away the mask. He won't give that to Bobo. Howard said the question he was going to ask was ''Spell hare (as in a rabbit).'' Bobo didn't know that rabbits were called hare. Bobo said that he'd spell it HARE. Howard said he would have had the mask. Bobo said that was a risky one. Howard said that's the game. He has to risk some stuff.
Howard said he has a really good one next. Howard had them show what was behind number 32. They pulled out the tickle chair. Howard said he could put this in his shrine and make his calls from the chair. Howard said Mariann Menounos and Jenny McCarthy have both been in that chair. Gary said Nikki Ziering was in the chair too. He said Carmen Electra may have been in it too. Howard asked if he would trade him his poster for that. Bobo said that's a tough one. Howard asked if he'd do a stunt for the chair. Bobo said he'd rather do that. Howard went to his list of stunts. Bobo wasn't sure how he was going to get it home. Howard said he's sure Tim Sabean could figure it out. He said Tim figured out how to shit all over the walls so he could figure out how to get that to Bobo's house.
Howard said that Bobo can get a chocolate bandit mask or Sal shaves his pubes and makes him a pubic hair moustache. Howard said he could also have Bobo shave his eyebrows. Howard said he has to wear the moustache until he leaves the studio. Then he said he has to wear it for a year. Howard said he has to wear it until he gets home. Howard said he's going to go with the moustache thing. Robin suggested that they do that one first. Howard asked Bobo if he was willing to do that. Bobo didn't sound like he was into it. Bobo said he has to do this for the show. Howard said he has to do it for himself. He will own Sal's pubes as a bonus.
Howard had Richard and Sal come in. Richard was going to shave Sal with an electric shaver. Howard said Sal's pubes are very short. Richard said he can wear his too. Howard said neither one has pubes. Howard told them to give him a nice, solid moustache. Richard shaved Sal first. The shaver was pretty loud and they were shaving off quite a bit of hair for the moustache. Sal got some ass hair in there too. Bobo said no ass hair. Howard said Bobo has limits all of a sudden. They put the glue on Bobo's face and then gave him the moustache. Sal said they were going to give him a Hitler moustache. They got some on his lip. Bobo said they got it in his mouth. Howard took a look and it didn't look so bad to him. He had them get some more hair. Howard said a crab just crawled up his nose. Fred was playing ''Flight of the Bumble Bee'' while this was going on.
Sal and Richard put more hair on Bobo and he started freaking out spitting out the hair they got in his mouth. Everyone was cracking up. Robin said it looks like Gary's moustache. Howard said Sal was getting more pubes. Howard said that was enough. Sal said he just wanted a little more on the end. Howard said they gave him a full moustache. They got hair all over the microphone. Howard was cracking up while Bobo was spitting. Richard said the moustache looks better than the toupee. Robin said it looks like Gary's and it doesn't look bad.
Howard said he has a lot of other items and stunts to do. Howard said he has won the tickle chair. Bobo asked if he has any cash. Howard said he doesn't. He said this is for Howard Stern stuff. Howard said they have the tombstone that freaked him out. He said it's a one of a kind thing. Howard asked Bobo if he wants that. Bobo said it's too creepy for him. He said he can't imagine Howard like that.
Howard had the guys show Bobo Gary's Beekeeper mask. Bobo sounded excited about that. Howard asked if he wanted to play for that. Bobo said he'd play for that. He said they also have four original carts from K-Rock. Howard said he'll throw them in with the mask. Bobo said sure to that too. Howard said he has to eat his own foot for that. Bobo laughed. Howard said he has to give him his toupee. Bobo said he can't do that. Howard said he'll give him one other thing. Sal takes his balls and dips them in chocolate and gives him a chocolate bandit mask. Either that or he shaves off his eyebrows completely. Bobo said he would do the eyebrows. Then he had a second thought and said he has to teach a class so he can't do that. Howard said Bobo is going to shave off his eyebrows now. Bobo just said ''Oh god...'' Richie went in with the shaver and cut off the eyebrows. Howard said he won that prize too. Howard said he has done very well today. Howard said he has a shrine that everyone will envy now.
Howard took a call from a guy who congratulated him on the win. He asked if they could post some pictures on Twitter of Bobo's face. Howard asked if they're going to put them up on HowardStern.com. Jason said he'd have them up soon.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked how he can designate a whole segment to this guy. The caller said he's a stupid mother fucker. Bobo said that he should respect him. Richie said he wants them to respect him and look at him. Bobo said he's a Superfan and he should respect him. The caller said he's just a dumb ass. Bobo told him to go back to his job. Bobo said he got this fabulous prizes.
Wheels called in and said that Bobo is the biggest ass kissing caller. He said he has an IQ of 86 and he's a loser. Howard said he can call him all the names he wants but Bobo has Sal's pubes under his nose right now. Howard said Bobo won the bra, the beekeeper mask and the tickle chair. Howard said they were going to throw this stuff out but they found a place for them in Bobo's basement.
Howard asked Bobo if he wants to plug anything. Bobo said he's trying to get rear seat belt laws passed in the state. The guys were talking about that when Howard TV replayed some of the footage of Bobo getting his moustache. Howard said that the governor should pay attention to the guy who is trying to get the seat belt laws passed. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Bobo's face is up on HowardStern.com now. Howard said he thinks they have it on Twitter but he's not sure what the Twitter name is. It's @SternShow. Howard said he couldn't stop laughing when Sal was painting his face.
Howard asked what song this was that Fred was playing. Fred told him it was Flo Rida. Howard said he doesn't think he's a fan of this. He and Fred started doing their impressions of Gary talking about his favorite songs and music history.
Howard said Amy Schumer is so cute. He said he finds her sexy. He said she's one of those girls that he finds sexy and everyone checks with everyone else to figure out if that's okay to say. Howard said he watched her stand-up special the other night and he found her very sexy. Howard said he checked with the other guys if they thought the same thing. Amy said that's interesting because she gets tons of messages asking if other guys find her hot too. She said every guy thinks that he's the only guy who wants to fuck her. Howard said that is weird.
Amy said she thinks she's sexy and she feels sexy. She said she asks the guys ''what the fuck'' when they do that. Amy said she never hurts when it comes to suitors.
Howard said they were joking about how black guys don't want to fuck her. Amy said that she gets hit on all the time by black guys. Amy said that they pray on people's insecurities in the roasts. She said that's why the go after Wayne Brady the way they do about not being black.
Howard asked Amy if she's ever been with a black guy. She said she kissed a black guy and he grabbed her ass. She said that she just wasn't feeling it with him though so she didn't go through with it. She said he was a football player too. Howard asked if her parents would care if she did that. She said they wouldn't care. She said if she brought home an Asian guy they might get confused.
Howard said Amy grew up in a town where they called her Amy Jewmer and threw pennies at her. Howard said he was going to throw them at her when she walked in but he figured that would throw her off. Amy said it would have confused her... but she would have picked them up.
Howard said Lisa Lampanelli exploded from doing the roasts. He said she also blew up from eating. Howard said then it was Whitney Cummings and now she's too big to do the roasts. Howard said they can't get Whitney or Lisa to do the roasts so now it's Amy. Howard asked Amy if she will ever get too big to do the roasts. Amy said she hopes so. She said there are days when she'd like to stay off camera and just stay home and have kids. She said she's working on a TV show for Comedy Central. She said it'll be like a rip off of Chappelle's show and Louie and some other shows. Howard asked if she's going to get so huge that she's going to move to Africa. Amy said she already has her plane ticket.
Howard said he can't figure out Chappelle. Howard said he would love to find out what he was doing. He said he could have had 50 million dollars and he just moved to Africa. Amy said she understands it. She said it's like what happened with Jazz. She said you have control over this thing and then white people label it and want to make it theirs. Amy said she would be tap dancing if that happened to her but Dave didn't want to deal with it.
Howard asked Amy about wearing the miniskirt and high heels on the Roseanne roast. Howard asked if she consulted with anyone on what to wear. Amy said she didn't. She said she asked friends what they thought about what she wanted to wear. She said she figured if the guys saw her wearing that then she could win them over. Howard said she's right about that. Howard said that there are some women who are beautiful and they don't do that. He said they should use what they've got. Howard said it's show business and you have to do that. Amy said that you can just adjust and use it to your benefit. Amy said she doesn't wear heels usually but she will dress up for an event like that.
Robin said that Eddie Murphy used to use sex appeal in his act too. She pointed out that red leather outfit he used to wear. Howard said that's kind of goofy now though. Amy didn't think so. Howard said he knows how embarrassing that could be. Amy wondered if she can keep wearing the dresses. Howard said he thinks she should. He said she should come out half naked.
Howard said that Amy is consistently in relationships and she's in it with a comedian. Amy said she's dating Anthony Jeselnik. She said she had broken up with him the last time she was there. She's back with him now. Amy said he didn't want anything getting in his way of success but now he's older and that's not so much of an issue.
Amy said she dated a wrestler for a while. She said she was dating one of the wrestlers from Monday Night Raw. Howard asked how that got off his radar. Amy said he was a sweetheart. She said his real name is Nick but it's Dolph Zigler on the show. Amy said he was in such perfect shape that it didn't even seem real to her. Howard said it was too much musicale and too much perfection. Amy said it just wasn't for her. She said the sex was too athletic. She said he was throwing her around like a rag doll.
Howard said there are some guys who can manhandle you. Amy said it was exciting. She said it felt like they were wrestling. She said there's got to be a girl who would be so excited to be with a guy like that and it wasn't her. She said that the first night he held her hand he was inside of her. Howard said she's a slut and he thinks that's fantastic. Amy said she doesn't wait if she wants to fuck someone. She said she's a monogamous slut. Howard said he doesn't believe in game playing either.
Howard asked where she met this wrestler. Amy said she had to cancel a show in Phoenix after getting food poisoning. She said that she was in the hospital and he was going to come to the show. She said she didn't really write back to him because she didn't know wrestling. She said that he got all of his followers to get her to follow him and they connected that way. She said they were in constant contact and they talked all the time. She said it was really fun and exciting. Howard asked if the key to holding on to a woman is to just pay attention. Amy said there is a balance there. She said you can test the waters with the guy and see if you can walk all over them and if you can then you eventually figure out that you don't want that.
Howard asked Amy where they went on their first date. Amy said they hung out in Denver. She said she performed stand-up that night and then they went out to dinner. She said that she doesn't do that a lot so it was kind of uncomfortable. Amy said that she felt that sexual thing with him and he was so flawless physically. She said that all of his other girlfriends were Playboy models. She said that she has some cellulite so she was hoping he'd be okay with that. Amy said she's comfortable with that though. She said she doesn't think that guy really give a shit about a little cellulite. Howard said he doesn't care after he takes his glasses off.
Howard asked if Amy started making out at dinner. Amy said she didn't do that until they got back to the hotel. Amy said he laid low and they agreed they weren't going to hook up. She said they went back to the hotel to just watch TV. She said the TV was on but she has no idea what was on. She said they were going to just go to sleep. She said they had been talking for months so she wanted to have sex with him. Howard asked if he was bigger than this guy Anthony. Howard asked if the wrestler had a bigger penis. Amy said no. She said she was only frightened by one penis. She said that this guy was so big and she tried to go down on him and tried to have sex but it didn't work. She said she had to stop him. Howard said it must have been a famous guy. Amy said he is well known. Howard asked if he's an actor or a comedian. She said no. She said it was a sports guy. Howard said he wishes that he had a penis like that. Amy said he wasn't even able to get it in. Howard said he would love to have that.
Howard asked what sport the guy was in. Amy said he was in hockey but please just leave it alone. Howard asked what his name was. She said she wasn't going to say. Robin asked if Anthony asks about this stuff when she gets back. She said it was weird how they got back together. Howard asked if he knew about the hockey player. Amy said he does now. Amy said she doesn't care that he fucked people when they were apart. She said that he's grown up a lot and he's paying more attention to her now.
Amy said she got a lot of death threats after the Charlie Sheen roast because of the joke she made about Steve-O and how she wished it was him instead of his friend. She said she really needed Anthony after that and he just wasn't there. Amy said she blames the edit for the death threats. She said that they cut to Steve looking upset but they were cool about the whole thing. She said that would be like her saying she wanted to be a Jackass girl and then she gets upset when they play a prank on her. She said that she had to cancel some dates because the threats were really specific.
Howard said that the death threats must do her in. She said she got really fired up after that. She said that she wasn't going to slow down and it motivated her in the end. She said that she was gun shy about looking at Twitter and things like that. Amy said people were really nice after the Roseanne roast. Howard said some people said it was too gentle but he didn't think it was. Howard said Roseanne didn't want too many dirty jokes. Amy said she was told not to do any incest jokes but they did them anyway.
Amy had a list of the jokes they cut out of the Roseanne roast. She said she's kind of bummed they cut them from the show. She told Howard some of the jokes she had about Jane Lynch. She had one about Jane looking like Larry Bird. Amy said that she wrote all of these jokes. She said that the writers held back a bit. Amy said that Sharon Stone was supposed to do the show. She told Howard about the joke she had about her. She said that Sharon would have been stone faced and miserable the whole time. Robin said she thinks a lot of women bail on the roasts because they just can't take it. Howard said they're terrified of people like Amy. Amy said they come over and try to talk to you. She said Carrie Fisher came over to her and Ellen Barkin was also kind of scared too.
Howard asked why Carrie Fisher and Ellen Barkin agreed to do the show. Amy said they must get paid well. Howard said that Ellen must not need the money though. Howard asked if she had more jokes for them. Amy had some about Wayne Brady. She said that a bunch of these were cut out of the show.
Howard said he loves the roast shows. Amy said she likes them too. Howard asked if she's getting more money now. Amy said she does. She said she has like all of this money now. She said that Anthony is doing well too. Howard said that if he was a guy and his girlfriend got big then he'd be jealous. Howard said he thinks that Anthony is going to be jealous. Amy said she thinks she would handle it better than Anthony would.
Howard asked Amy if she's ready to get married. Amy said she's not sure she is. Amy said she likes the way things are and she wants it to stay that way. Howard asked how often they bang. She said they have a great sex life. She said he makes her feel beautiful and appreciated. Howard said he has to call her on the road too. She said that he should. Howard said that he has to show that he loves her.
Howard asked how long she dated the wrestler. Amy said that went on for about 3 months. Howard said they must have banged a lot. Amy said it wasn't that much. She said she had a good time seeing him doing his thing in the wrestling. She said that she learned a lot about wrestling. She said you have to be talented to lose well. That was his thing to lose all the time too. Howard said it's so weird she dated a wrestler. Amy said guys are so gay for wrestlers. The guys at the comedy clubs got all nerdy with him there. Howard said he's the guy who was the athlete at school and those are the dorky guys. Howard said no one in high school would talk to him in high school but then he got older and started working out with Marco Battaglia. Howard said he got to hang out with this guy and it was kind of cool. He said he was a shithead in high school.
Howard said maybe Amy dated the guy because she needed someone to protect her with the death threats going on. Amy said that Anthony called her one day and said that he had bought them a trip to Mexico. She said that she had a boyfriend and he just told her to shut up. Amy said it was so fun to go with him. She said she was relieved when he called her. Amy said she texted the wrestler and broke up. She said that she asked him what he wanted to do and gave him a few options about how to talk about it. She said he misunderstood what she was trying to do. She said that she felt she was incapable of hurting someone but she was wrong. She said that this guy is a sweetheart and she felt bad about it. She said that she still likes him but he was out on a date with his ex the night after they broke up.
Howard said the Howard TV guys have a shot of him. He said he looks like Dolph Lundgren. Howard said he's like the Aryan dream.
Howard asked if Roseanne is a hero of her's. Amy said she is. She said she still watches her show. She said she was blown away when Tom Arnold came walking out. Howard said Tom was on the show a few weeks before and he told him that it would be a great show if he actually did the roast. Tom wasn't sure he wanted to do it at the time. Amy said she's glad he told him that.
Howard gave Amy a plug for her stand-up special ''Mostly Sex Stuff''' that's going to be re-airing on Friday night on Comedy Central at 10pm. Howard said he often sees comedian's specials and can't last more than a few minutes. He said that they're great comics but he can't watch. Amy said that she's starting all over with her act because you can't do your old material. She said that once it's out there you have to start from scratch. Howard said now she's naked so to speak. Amy said that she'll go to the Comedy Cellar and they all end up bombing with their new material. She said it'll be her, Louis CK and Jim Norton all bombing together.
Howard said maybe Amy has already done her best material. He said you never know when you're out of stuff. Amy said she's going to try her best. She said that Chris works on stuff at the Comedy Cellar and that's what she's going to do. Amy told Howard about how she works out her material and how jokes will come out when she's working out her stuff. She said that most people are pretty forgiving at the clubs.
Howard asked Amy if she thinks that cell phones are ruining things because people put the stuff on TMZ. Amy said you have no control over that stuff. She said that happened to Daniel Tosh. She said that Tosh made a rape joke and he was being heckled. She said that he made a joke about her being raped and she wrote this blog about it and everyone was chiming in on it. She said it ruins everything for everyone when that happens.
Howard asked Amy if she has control over her vagina to get over a legitimate rape. Amy said she thinks that whole thing is really interesting. She said that she is interested in rape because she thinks that most girls have been close to being raped. Amy said she was date raped. She said that she was sleeping when she lost her virginity. She said that she was with a boyfriend and she was sleeping. She said she doesn't think she even made him orgasm yet. Amy said she thought that he was fingering her but she realized that he was inside of her. She said she asked what he was doing and he said he thought she knew. Amy said she kept journals about this stuff. She said she wrote from 12-21 and she went back and read about it. She said he was really upset about what happened. She said she doesn't talk to him anymore. She said he was upset about what he did and she was comforting him. Amy said she didn't know any better.
Amy said that there is this grey area of rape and she has been ''graped.'' Howard said he thinks that most women have been raped. Amy said she does too. Howard said most women won't talk about it to anyone. He said he has talked to some women about it and they won't talk about it with anyone else. Amy said she's not downplaying rape but she wants to talk about it. She said someone could pull a clip from that and take it out of context. Howard said he gets that because he doesn't remember what he even said this morning. He said people will get upset about something he said and he won't even remember saying it. He said he's just trying to entertain and he might go out on a limb with a joke.
Robin said that it's like people want to be the one to call someone out on something in this day and age. That's why they will look for that kind of thing to put out there.
Howard gave Amy some plugs for her upcoming appearances. Amy was laughing because she had just told her rape story. You can find out more at AmySchumer.com
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if she has ever fucked a guy from the audience at a show. Amy said she has had that thought but she has spoken to the guy and thought ''never mind.''
Howard took a call from a guy who pointed out that on AGT they all have their thing they do when they're introduced. Howard said he has no move like Sharon and Howie do. Howard said that they get to him and he isn't sure what to do. Howard said he needs to find a thing. The caller said he should make a peace sign or something. Howard said he could jerk off his trachea or something. Howard said he doesn't really know what to do. He said one night he took a drink of Snapple. He said he blew it with that. Howard said he got nervous. Howard said maybe he could smell his arm pit. Amy said he should jerk off his trachea and then spit liquid out. She said that would give him more authority. Howard asked if that's true. Amy said no. Howard said tonight he's going to just sit there with his hands folded. He said he's the worst smiler and he has to make sure he doesn't. He said he doesn't know what to do. The caller told him to bite the head off a bat or something. Howard said he doesn't have a good smile so he can't even smile.
Howard asked Amy what she would do if she was in his position. Amy said she would be really obnoxious. She said she would beam like a pageant girl. Howard had her demonstrate it for him. Howard then said he knows what he can do. Howard said he'll take his glasses off. He said that will be his thing. He said he'll take his dark glasses off. Robin said that's good. Howard said he's going to crack himself up tonight doing that. Howard said Nick Cannon will introduce him and he'll take his glasses off. Amy told him he did it wrong when he tried it. Howard asked what he did wrong. Amy said he didn't own it. Amy said he has to do it like he's really creepy. Howard had Amy introduce him. Howard tried it again and Amy said it was a step in the right direction. Howard said he should hold up a used condom.
Howard said he should do a karate chop and Sharon's heart and steal them from the other judges. Amy said they will be so mad if he does that. Howard said he's going to try that tonight. He said he'll karate chop into the heart. Howard said he should do a golf swing or something. He said he could shoot a gun but he's not licensed to carry in Jersey. Howard said he could do the touchdown thing. Amy was throwing out a bunch of ideas for him.
Howard took a call from Hook Nose Mike who said that he'd like Amy not to pull a Seinfeld and stop coming on the show. Howard said he wants her to keep coming on the show. Howard said Jerry used to come on the show all the time and then the show became a hit and he stopped coming in. Howard said Jerry did call in recently though so he has come back.
Mike asked Amy when she lost her virginity. She said she was 17. Mike asked if she has done anything with a girl. Amy said she hasn't. Howard asked what type of girl she likes. Amy said she thinks she just likes men. Mike also asked if a guy has ever exploded in her asshole. Amy said she's never had anal. Howard said he understands that. Amy said she'll save that for marriage. Mike said she's a great gust. Howard gave her some more plugs and started to wrap up the interview. Howard asked if she has ever been offended at the roasts. Amy said that Patrice O'Neal once said she looked like a baked potato in her dress. She said that was cut out of the show though. Howard asked if she went to Patrice's funeral. She said she did but she didn't make any speeches. Howard wrapped up the interview a short time later.
Howard came back and took a call from Ralph. Howard told him not to wake him up this afternoon. He said he's beat. Ralph asked when he got home last night. Howard said he was home around 11 and he had to beat off. He told him about his night and said he had to take an Ambien. Ralph asked if he was groggy from the stuff. Howard said he hates that stuff but he loves it too. Ralph said he takes this stuff called Simply Sleep or something like that. Robin said she's heard that stuff doesn't let you get the right kind of sleep. Ralph told her to stop it. Howard said he needs his REM sleep. Howard said he can't sleep that long even on Ambien. He said he needs the double dose stuff. Howard said he needs that propofol stuff that they gave to Michael Jackson.
Ralph suggested that Howard lift his cup like Stuttering John did on the Tonight Show. Howard said he isn't going to do that. Howard said he might bring back the Hitler wave. He said he may do that karate and heart move. Howard asked what the guys think. Robin sad she doesn't believe he'll do it. Howard said he'll do it. Ralph said he could do that move where he scares people away in the theater. Howard said he makes a move so he looks retarded. He said he wears a hood so people don't know it's him. He said he'll grunt to scare them off too.
Howard said Howie starts at his forehead with the salute. He's going to do that and then break into Sharon's heart. He said maybe he should smoke a joint. He said he'll get a real joint and do that. Howard said he wants to do something cool. Ralph said there isn't anything cool to do. Howard said he tries to smile and he looks like lurch.
Howard said maybe he could read the bible or count the money in his wallet. He said that they say he makes too much money so he'll pile up the cash. Howard said he could pout his finger in his nose and have them catch him. He could put half his knuckle in there. Howard said maybe he can do the MC Hammer dance or maybe do the prayer mat that Muslims do.
Howard gave the guys a choice. He said he could read from the bible or do the karate chop/heart thing. Maybe he'll release a balloon. Robin said he could blow bubbles. Howard said that could be his thing. He said he thinks he'll do the bubbles thing. Ralph said he likes the bible idea. Howard said he has a bible that Renee Zellweger sent him when he got married. He said he doesn't even know her that well but it's the most beautiful bible you've ever seen. Howard said he could bring that. Howard said you can't mistake what that is. Howard said he could hold up a hot picture of Mariah Carey for Nick. Howard said he's not going to pick his nose because people won't get it. He likes the blowing bubbles thing. Ralph said he doesn't get it.
Howard said bubbles will be his thing. He said kids will like it. Howard said that will warp into some kind of endorsement deal. Howard said he could do that old corncob pipe where he's blowing them out of that. Ralph didn't like it. Ralph told him not to do anything. Howard said that's what he has been doing. Howard said he could sit there and peel a potato or hand out clothes to a homeless man. Howard said he could hold up the Torah and read it to the audience. Ralph said that might be too Jewy.
Howard said he could light his fart. They suggested confetti too. Howard said maybe he could just file his nails like he's not interested. Ralph said he could have a little Asian lady filing his nails. Howard said peeling the potato might be a good one. Howard said he could hang clothing or whittle. Howard said maybe he'll knit. Ralph said he could write something on a piece of paper and it could say something different every time. Howard said he could bounce a basketball. Robin said he should scribble something every time and that could be his thing.
Howard still liked the karate chop into the heart thing. Ralph said he has to work on that move because Howie swings it around. Howard said he's seen it up close so he can do it. Ralph said maybe Howie should help him come up with a move because he obviously put a lot of thought into that himself.
Robin suggested the double peace sign like Nixon did. Ralph said he should do the Vulcan hand signal. Howard said that's a good one. He tried that after he had Fred introduce him. Howard liked it so he might go with that. Howard said the NBC people are going to ask if he's really going to do that. He said he should walk over and give Howie a back rub. Robin said he could give himself devil ears. Gary said Scott DePace thinks he should do a big X over himself.
Gary said that Bobo is down on the street trying to get the tickle chair in his car. Howard said the guy is retarded. They showed the video and Bobo is trying to get the thing in there and it won't fit. Howard asked if they could hear him down there. They weren't able to hear him. Howard said with that toupee on nothing can embarrass him. Howard said he can't possibly think that it will fit. Shuli was down there telling Bobo to just strap it down. Howard said he had to get to some news.
Howard took a call from a guy who was on the phone with someone else. Howard didn't know what the guy was talking about. The caller told him that he had a lot to talk about. Howard said he should have just one thing.
Howard got distracted when he had the Howard TV guys replaying clips of him making his Vulcan hand sign and things like that. Howard was coming up with new moves and had the Howard TV guys replaying the clips. Howard tried the Howie move into the Sharon move. Fred told him to do that and then do the Vulcan thing. Howard said he'd put them all together. DePace told him which camera to use. Robin said that she loved that. Jason came in and said he's doing the Vulcan thing wrong. He had his thumb in and it should be out.
Howard had the Howard TV guys replay it because he just missed it. Howard said he is going to have the best thing. Fred gave him a suggestion but Howard said that he's going to have to devote 10 minutes of the show to his wave. Howard said he's going to do that whole thing tonight. Fred said he could do a double Vulcan thing. Howard said he could yell out ''Dy-No-Mite'' too.
The caller said he hates those kind of shows but he tapes every time Howard is live. He said he zooms up to the parts where Howard is talking. Howard said with this new hand motion it's going to be really good. Howard said everyone is going to be envious.
Howard tried his move again and had the Howard TV guys replay it. Howard said he thinks it's done. He had his move. He said tonight is the results show and it's a big night. The caller asked when the show is going to be over. Howard said at the rate they're going they're never going to end it.
The caller asked if he would ever go on American Idol. Howard said he'll go on every show and judge. The caller asked who he'd like to see on American Idol. Howard said that Mariah Carey is upset about this Nicki Minaj coming on because she doesn't have a lot of experience in the business.
The caller asked Howard about Jackie and if he would let him come back. Howard said he's had it with that guy. He said he's a nice guy but they can't work together anymore. Howard said he loves Jackie and he begged him to stay but he can't be put in that position anymore.
Howard said Bobo is downstairs and he slammed his finger in the door and he broke his Leroy Neiman frame. Howard had the guys give him the microphone so he could talk to him. Howard said he must not be able to hear him. Howard said he can leave the chair there and come back and get it some other time. Richie Wilson gave Bobo the microphone and told him to explain what was going on. Bobo said he was trying to get it in the car but it's sticking out too far. He said he has to drive out to the island with it sticking out like that. Bobo said that he has damage to his car now. Bobo was all upset about that and the frame of his picture. Bobo said his day turned to shit because of this.
Howard thanked the caller for the call but the guy had more questions. Howard said he has to get out of there. He needs sleep. The caller said he loves them. He said he does a show the same place the Pet lady does her show. Howard said he has to hang up on this guy and did that.
Robin got back to her news and read a headline from the NY Post that said ''Press Pussies Soft On O.'' She was surprised by that. Howard had to take a break after that.
After the break Howard said that he gave Bobo $500 cash from Steven Singer Jewelers. Howard said he's out there wrecking his car over this chair.
Robin got back to her news and read about the Golden Nugget not shuffling the deck for a game and some people won games and now the casino doesn't want to have to pay off. They say they don't have to pay.
Robin read about Anderson Cooper's boyfriend being caught kissing another man but Anderson is sticking with him. Howard said that's just wrong. He said that he didn't know that Anderson Cooper was gay. Howard said she must be lying. Robin said he did come out of the closet.
Robin said there are pictures in the paper of Katie Holmes with her daughter every week. Howard said she must be followed by the photographers. Robin said she thinks these are staged. She said they have an outing every week with them. Howard said that's her career at this point. He said she must be a good mom if she's spending that much time. Robin said you only see her once a week though.
Robin read about an umpire from the U.S. Open who killed her husband with a mug. Robin said they just arrested her yesterday. She said she was on her way to umpire a tennis match. Howard said she has a worse temper than Ronnie the Limo Driver does.
Robin read about a crazy crime in Camden, New Jersey. Robin said the police were called to a home where they found the body of a woman who appeared to have stabbed herself to death. Her 2 year old child was nearby and the head was in the refrigerator. Howard said that's awful.
Robin said this Todd Aiken guy won't go away. She said he's going to continue to stay in it. Howard said he has a new campaign ad. He played the phony bit that they created. Robin said that Sarah Palin has come out asking him to step aside. Howard said she finally found someone stupider than her. Howard said you know if you have Sarah Palin coming out against you that you're screwed. Robin had some audio of Palin talking about this guy. Robin also had some audio of Aiken talking about why he's staying in the race. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Howard asked if he over billed. Dominic said he didn't do that. Gary said he thinks that he didn't return money in a timely fashion. Dominic said that's it. Gary was laughing and he asked if he could tell Howard what they spoke about a few months ago. Dominic said that was fine. Gary said he was a spiritual advisor to Trevon Martin's family. Dominic said that's not true. He said that Trevon's mother was part of his church. Howard said he doesn't believe he found Jesus for one second.
Dominic said he has a new girlfriend and he may marry her. Howard told him to never get married again. Howard said he thinks he met this woman. Dominic said this is a new one. Howard asked if he's going to have more kids. Dominic said he is. He said he's 66 years old. Howard said he has to stop it. Howard asked if he worships Jesus two for one or one for two. Howard said Dominic didn't learn his lesson. He said if he found Jesus like they said in the NY Post then he'd be a different person. Howard said he hasn't been into Jesus long enough to be counseling people. Dominic said he tried to kill himself and he doesn't deny it. Howard said he doesn't believe that. Dominic said he can prove it. He said he over dosed. Howard said he was doing cry for help stuff.
Dominic said while he was in Florida he was so depressed he was drinking and taking Vicodin. He said he hasn't had a drink in 9 months now. Dominic said he was on the balcony at his apartment and he was going to jump but he was so fat he wasn't able to get over the railing. Howard said his book should be called ''Too Fat To Die.''
Dominic said he slept on his floor and the cops had to break the door down. Howard said he didn't try to kill himself. He said he can't even climb over a shoe box. Dominic said he went to a hospital for 3 weeks. He said he got out after having hallucinations. Gary said they have met the person who turned him on to Jesus. Dominic said that he was in a swimming pool and this woman told him he should get into Jesus. She was a woman who worked with Jim Baker. Dominic said she started in with the bible stuff and he started going to church. Dominic said that the pastor said that he had to forgive himself for everything he had done and what people had done to him.
Howard said that he ran into Dominic at a restaurant and he was talking about this person in a way that proves he's not born again. Howard said Dominic got all upset about the way he treated him at the restaurant. Dominic said he should have gotten up to hug him. Howard said he isn't going to do that.
Gary said he thinks that when you have an addiction you have to do things to keep your mind off the addiction so he figured that's why he was involved with the Trevon Martin family.
Howard said he spent like 15 minutes talking to Dominic in that restaurant. Dominic said that it was only one minute. Howard said he's out of his mind. Dominic asked him not to curse while he's on the phone. Howard told him to get the fuck out of here.
Howard said he has Jesus on the phone. He picked up and it was Sal doing his Jesus voice telling Dominic to stay away from him. He said he should have burned him on the boat when he had a chance. Dominic said he can make fun because Jesus loves everyone.
Howard said he doesn't need the bible. He said he believes in being good to people and to his woman. He doesn't need the bible to tell him that. Howard said that he can come in there and tell his story sometime. Howard said he doesn't think this whole thing is going to last though.
Robin read some news about Mitt Romney and what he's up to. Howard spent a few minutes talking about why he doesn't want that guy in office. Robin read about Paul Ryan and what he's been saying about President Obama. She had some audio of that. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Howard wondered what Piers Morgan did with his hand signal on AGT. Robin said she's not sure. Howard said his move will be very memorable tonight. He said he's not even sure when the camera will be on him. He said he'll watch and see when it comes to Howie to figure it out. He said he doesn't want anyone to miss it. Howard said Howie has gotten way more involved with that hand signal. Howard said they had better not cut off his moves. He said he wants them to see all of his greeting. Howard said he might be too tired to do it tonight.
Robin said that Michael J Fox is returning to TV as a guy with Parkinson's. Howard said that in the past he left TV so people wouldn't see it. Gary said he's on the show ''The Good Wife'' and he plays a guy with Parkinson's. Howard said people love that guy so he should play it up. He said the poor guy had such a good career and he had to leave in the middle of it. He said he thinks that half his guys there have it. He said they shiver and shake there.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he finally got the chair in his car. He said he damaged the back of his new car before he got the tools to take it apart. Bobo said he can't wait for Howard tonight on AGT. Howard let him go a short time later.
Robin said the book Fifty Shades of Grey is so popular that it's boosting Barnes and Nobel's bottom line. Howard said he'd like to know how Tim is able to get that tickle chair in Bobo's car but he can't figure out how to shit without getting it on the wall. Howard read a live commercial and asked Robin if she had anymore. Robin said she was done.
Howard asked Gary about what Dominic said to him about the way he treated him. Gary said he was upset that Howard didn't get up to greet him. They spent a minute on that and then Howard read another live commercial and ended the show. They were done around 10:35am.
Steve Brandano asked who Leroy Neiman is. Jon told him he did a painting for Howard back in the day for the show and he, in turn, gave it to Bobo.
Sal came in with his E-Cigarette and Jon asked him not to smoke that thing in there. Sal said he was celebrating his painting of Bobo's face. Sal said he thinks that whole thing went well. Jon said he knows he had a ton of ideas for the show today. Sal said they could have done so much more. He said they had a lot more ideas. They were going to play bongo on Bobo's bald head with their penises.
Doug asked Sal if he was proud of himself. Sal said he is. Jon said that Sal and Richard think that whatever they do isn't gay and it's the greatest thing in the world. Sal said it's not gay because people are laughing at it. He said that it's not gay at all. Sal said he's putting his penis on a guy's nose and not getting erect.
Doug said that he has to go back to the tape and see if something fell out of Sal's pouch. Sal asked if he wanted to check it now.
Jon said he wanted Sal to come down and talk about his song ''Twat Raper'' yesterday but he didn't come down. Sal said he's proud that Howard was shocked by it. He said that he shocked the shock jock. Sal said the song just came to him when he heard the music. He said that the boobs thing gets a little redundant so he tried raising the bar. He said he wasn't sure which way Howard was going to go. He said he's glad Howard played the song instead of just deleting it.
Jon asked if Richard contributed to the song at all. Sal said he didn't on that one but he did suggest he do it to a different song. Sal said the song is just a fun thing. He said he's not looking to rape Robin. He said he's doing it as a term of endearment. He doesn't really want to rape Robin. Sal said he's doing it in a loving way. Doug told him to just talk for the next 10 minutes.
Jon said he thinks that Sal would like to have sex with Robin. Sal asked who wouldn't. He said he'd have sex with Jon at this point in his marriage. Sal said the song made him laugh his ass off. He said it works just fine in this environment. Jon told Sal he liked the song. He said any song he does makes him laugh. Sal said he should do a Jon Hein song then. He started to sing ''Kid Raper'' but they had to go to break.
Jon asked Gary if he was surprised that Bobo didn't give up the Leroy Neiman poster. Gary said he was. He said that tombstone was a surprise too. He said that it's almost like garbage. He said they were hoping he'd take it just so they could get rid of it.
Benjy said the thought of Howard dying might be upsetting to Bobo. Gary said if it freaks Howard out, it freaks Bobo out.
Jon said that the one caller at the end called Bobo names and then Bobo said he should respect him and told the guy to go back to his 9 to 5 job. Gary said he must think he's special on the show. He has a 9 to 5 job himself. He's actually retired. Doug said he used to work for the post office.
Gary said he had those four carts in his office. He said he had a couple of song parodies and some other stuff. He said he was hoping Bobo wouldn't take them because they mean something to him.
Gary said that they were thinking of putting the Robospanker up. He said the tickle chair is easy to replace but that one has a lot of history. Sal said they had a girl in that chair and she was the hottest chick on the show ever.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if that stuff is going to be worth something some day. Gary said he talked to someone at a charity and he was told to get some stuff from his closet and it doesn't seem that it's worth giving it up. He said he's not willing to part with this stuff. Jon said that if it was the fans bidding for it then maybe the price would be high. Benjy said he thinks that today's show made some of that stuff worth something.
Doug said he thinks that chair is wroth nothing now. He said it's probably splintered on the Long Island Expressway right now.
Gary said this stuff is wroth as much as anyone would pay for it. He said he's not sure that Bobo's collection is wroth even $25,000. Doug said it's a lot less than that. He said that the stuff that's signed that has some value but most of it is just newspaper clippings and stuff like that.
Jon asked Sal what he thinks about Bobo's passion. He asked if he gets why he's willing to do what he does. Sal said he has seen people on TV who collect locks of hair from rock stars and stuff. Sal said he didn't collect a lot. He said he had a Private Parts poster and a book that Howard signed. Sal said he's not a collector type of guy. He said he gets Bobo's obsession though. He said he is a Superfan and he got something good out of it.
Jon asked if there is another fan as obsessed with the show as Bobo. they mentioned Mariann but Gary said he thinks that she can function. He said that Bobo would die if the show ended. Sal said Mariann goes to every AGT show. Gary said her kids are grown though.
Gary said they sent a fan to AGT last night and Mariann is like the mother of the Wack Pack. Gary said that she brings them around and it's interesting to watch the way she treats them. Benjy said he thinks that if Howard told Bobo to kill someone, he'd do it for him. He said he doesn't think Mariann would be like that.
Gary said Bobo had choices today and he was able to say no. Gary said if Howard asked Bobo to destroy that Leroy Neiman, would he do it. Jon said he thinks he would. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked Ronnie if he believes he's born again. Ronnie said he sounds like he changed and mellowed out. He said that he's the kind of guy who can be mellow and then be off the wall crazy.
Jon said that Dominic will insult Howard in a joking way and he's not sure Howard takes it that way. Gary said Howard doesn't. He said he knows Howard was really bummed about Dominic talking about how he wasn't nice to him at the restaurant. Gary said he thinks Dominic thinks that their relationship was a lot tighter in the past and he would like it to come back to that. Sal said it will never happen again. He said he doesn't think that Howard will put up with that. Sal said he thinks that the born again thing is a bunch of bullshit.
Jon asked Gary what he thinks about Howard's new hand signals. Gary said he thinks it might be too much and he may not get all three in. Jon asked Ronnie what he thinks. Ronnie said he says just give them the finger. Sal said that will work just great on national TV.
Jon said you really can't think about the move. He said Howie's is so contrived. Gary said he thinks that Sharon's is too but now they have to do it.
Benjy said it's like that Carol Burnett thing when she tugged her ear to say hi to her mom. He said Howard doing this is like he's doing it all for them. Gary said that he once did a show where they came to do a shot of him and he toasted the audience. He said he looked like a retard. He said you end up looking like a fool.
Sal asked Gary if he heard if Stuttering John made the cuts at the Tonight Show. Gary said he heard through the grapevine that he's safe and made the cut. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:15am.
Gary's Wart, Sweaty Benjy And More. 08/23/07. 6:00am
Howard started off the show saying that Gary has a wart on his hand that he's been picking at for weeks now. Gary said he's scheduled to have it removed and he wasn't picking at it. He didn't know where they came from and so Howard told him that they're viral. He said the thing is the size of a pencil eraser. Gary came in to show it to Robin and she said it looks like a skin tag or like he's growing a flipper.
Howard told Gary he does play with it and showed him what he does without even knowing it. Howard said he's heard they're contagious. Benjy said he heard that they're contagious and they can be spread. Artie said that this is the worst part of his day because he's about to get breakfast and he has to try not to look at Benjy because he's all wet.
Benjy swears that the water on him isn't sweat, he just ran to work after taking a shower and he swears that it's mostly shower water. He said you stay wet for a while after taking a shower and most of it was just the water from that. Artie said he can't eat when he sees that and he wanted him to get a towel. Howard told Benjy he's a nice guy but he's got to pull himself together.
Howard said he was grossed out by Gary fondling his wart like it was a nip. He said he wants him to get it burned off today. He said the wart was about half the size a couple of weeks ago. Gary said he has an appointment to get it taken off next week.
Artie said that Jeff the Drunk had a bunch of them on him when he was in there. Artie said he had one on his foot one time and that had to be burned off too. Howard had one on the inside of his hand one time when he was a kid and had to keep his hand closed in a fist all the time. His mother hated to bring him for that. That led to him talking about how she went to the doctor recently because she was sick and she thought that it was the antibiotics that were making her tired. He had to convince her that it was her illness that was making her sick.
Howard said he had his wart removed when he was a kid and he remembers the open wound that they left when they did that. Then the wart came back and he had to have it removed a second time. Artie had an open wound on the bottom of his foot.
Robin said she has a mole on her back and she wants to have that removed. Howard said he had one that he had to have removed because Beth was grossed out by it. He mentioned that they had put a picture of Gary's wart up on HowardStern.com.
In the clip Howard had a caller on the line who made a prank call to a cable TV network and talked to the host of the show about Howard's FCC fines. He threw out a bunch of Baba Booey references too. Howard talked to the caller about how funny that Baba Booey name is. The caller said he has another one and the guy on the line starts laughing at the Baba Booey name. Howard said he's been driving around just going ''Fooey'' and not even saying the whole name. Howard said within a year it should change to ''Foo.'' The caller said they should get a patent on that.
Howard said he thinks Gary went out and got a copyright on the name. Howard said he remembers having a conversation with him about that. Howard said he thinks that he owns it though. Gary said he was educated by the station that they own it. Gary said all he knows is that he doesn't own anything. Howard said he might own it himself.
Gary said he was reading about his name on Prodigy. Howard said he should be back there working and not playing on Prodigy. Howard said that they got Gary an assistant and they noticed that he's on the phone even less than he was before. Howard said here's less for him to do now. Howard said they threw his responsibilities off to someone else. Robin said he's good at passing around the responsibilities. Howard said their next guest will probably be Cathy Tobin. Gary said they had some good guests last week. Howard said they called him. Gary said he did some work to get them on the show.
Birthing Babies. 08/23/07. 6:35am
Howard said that someone who got bashed in the e-mail was Mary McCormack. He said it was interesting because women were angry with her for having a Caesarian birth because she was worried about her vagina. Howard read through some of that mail where women went crazy over her having that done. A few people went off on her saying that she came off as an idiot talking about that stuff the way she was.
Howard said he understands one thing about vaginal birth that isn't so natural. The doctors will cut the woman's vagina because they're afraid that it'll tear. He said that a lot of women get very sensitive down there because they're cut and it takes a long time to heal. He said he thinks that women should have babies through the vagina. Robin told him that it's none of his business how a woman has her baby. Howard said it matters if it's his baby.
Robin said that women love to tell their birth stories. Howard said that he's heard his story many times. He did an impression of his mother telling the story and how it lasted for hours and hours. He said that she didn't breast feed back then because that's what the doctors told her to do at the time. Howard said her story is one of horror of course. He said that she told him that she was sedated and she missed the whole thing. Howard said his mother thought his dad was at work that day but he was actually sitting out in the waiting room the whole time and didn't tell anyone he was there. He said that's what his dad does all the time. He never tells anyone anything.
Howard said his father must have a terrible self image because he doesn't want anyone to know he's around. He got back into his mother's birth talk and how the doctor told her that her baby looked like a happy mongoloid when they saw him smiling. He said she told him that she counted all of his fingers and toes and was happy that he was normal. Then his father ran around bragging that he'd had a son.
Robin said that women love to sit around in circles talking about that stuff. Howard said nothing that his mother ever says sounds like it was fun. It just didn't sound good to him.
Jackie The Intern And Auction Audio Clips. 08/23/1989. 3:35pm
Howard said he had to talk about the upcoming tennis tournament. He said they have Howard Stern Jeopardy coming up on Friday too. Howard said they have a bunch of things they're going to be doing. He said the big show on Friday is a Jeopardy contest and they have some people coming in to play. He said he has a neat game show thing they're going to do. He told Fred to get some audio clips ready for that. Howard said they have a hypnotist coming in soon too so they can hypnotize some girls.
Howard said that it's Jackie the Intern's last day there so he might have her get hypnotized. Howard said he wants Dr. King to hypnotize her. Howard asked her if she'd be into that. Jackie came in and wondered how he does it. Howard said they've all been hypnotized before so it will be fine.
Howard said that Jackie was at the auction last night. He wanted to talk about that. He asked if she was wearing that outfit just to get to him. She had short shorts on and it was making him crazy. Howard said they might be able to have some real fun when Dr. King comes in later in the week. Howard asked if she'd be up for it. She said she would. Howard said he wants to get her to loosen up so he will have Dr. King help out.
Howard said that Gary and Jackie the Intern were auctioned off for charity last night. Gary went for $450. Howard said Gary told him that this annoying yenta was bidding on him. Howard asked how he looked. Jackie the Intern said he looked nice. Howard told her she doesn't have to pretend to like the way he looked just for the show. He said that he likes her for her looks and he admits that. He said she can like him because of him being on the air. Howard said he would ruin her if he could be with her.
Howard told Robin to guess how much Jackie went for. Robin said it must have been like $600. Howard said it was $550. Jackie said the guy who got her is like 40 years old. She said he's nice for a 40 year old. Gary said the guys were all older and they were all going crazy over her.
Howard played some audio from the auction where Scott the Engineer was playing the music. Gary and Jackie the Intern had to walk down the runway to show off what they had to the audience. Howard said that's so humiliating. There was a woman there doing the auctioneering. Gary said she was kind of hot too. Gary said for all of the other guys she explained what they had but with him she had him tell the audience. Howard said he had to take a break a short time later.
After the break Howard came back and played some more of the auction tape. Howard had Gary talking about what he does for a living when the woman at the auction asked him to explain who he is and what he does. Gary was embarrassed by the tape so he asked him to play his MTV audition tape instead. Gary's mic was feeding back so Howard blamed Scott. Then the auction started and the woman started doing that rapid auction speech thing going. Howard said he'd be afraid to bid with her rattling off like that. Howard said it was moving really fast. Gary told Howard what it was like standing there while that was going on.
Howard played more of the audio and they had a bidding war going on. The auctioneer was freaking Howard out. He said it really was freaking him out. Howard said Gary must have been digging this because he was getting a date. Howard said he's sure that he could get Jackie the Intern $10,000 an hour. He played more of the audio and Gary said that there was one girl who kept bidding up whenever someone else would bid. Howard said maybe she'll end up marrying Gary. He heard that she was a doctor. Gary said that all of the lights were out in the front of the room so he couldn't see who was bidding.
Howard asked if the doctor was good looking. Gary said she is and she went to school with Jessica Hahn. Howard said that's good and maybe she has Snapping Gyro. Gary said they saw the doctor out in the parking lot talking to some dude.
Howard played the tape and hear where they finished the auction. Howard said he went to an auction once in Jersey and it was pouring rain. He said he auctioned off a painting for some charity. He said he just wanted to show up, say hi and then leave. Howard said he felt like a dick head doing it. That's why he won't do anymore charity things.
Howard said Jackie and Gary just wanted dates. Jackie said she didn't want a date. Howard said she wanted something. Maybe it was publicity. Gary said there was a guy who showed up after hearing this thing plugged on the show. He was asking about bidding on Siobhan and things like that.
Howard played a little more of the tape but he couldn't take it anymore so he had to stop. He had some audio of Jackie's auction too so he played a little bit of that. Scott played her in with ZZ Top's ''Legs'' since she was showing off her legs up there. Howard asked how she looked. Gary said he didn't see her up there since he was busy with his new date.
Howard listened to the auction for Jackie and the auctioneer had her coming up into the light so everyone could see her. Jackie said she was the only one who was asked to step into the light. They had Jackie tell the audience about herself and then started the auction. Jackie went for $550.
Eric The Midget Meets His Idols. 08/23/05. 7:25am
Eric the Midget was on the phone so Howard brought up what happened last week when he called in asking to get back stage at an American Idol concert. Gary made a bunch of phone calls to the Malouf brothers and actually got a hold of them. They said that they would make it happen so Gary told Eric that someone would be calling him. Then a few days later Eric called in and said that he was angry because he hadn't gotten a call yet. Howard put him on the air and Eric thanked Gary for what he did and said that it was all of the hard work that Gary did that got him in. Howard told Eric that Gary was doing what he told him to do. He said that Eric is very ungrateful and goofed on him by doing an impression of him. Eric did get to go back stage and met a bunch of the American Idol performers at the concert. He met everyone but Bo Bice who was out because he needed surgery.
Eric said that he passed along a demo tape of a friend of his to Carrie Underwood. Robin said it probably ended up in the trash a few minutes later. Eric told Howard about how he met them and how there were 20 people there for the meet and greet that he was at. Eric didn't get to go right to the front of the line though. Howard was doing his impression of Eric as if he was an alien. Howard asked how Carrie looked and if Eric ''wanted it.'' Eric said that he wouldn't mind going on a date with her. Howard also asked him if he whacked it when he got home. Eric said he didn't. Howard said he must wack it sometimes. Eric said ''maybe'' when they asked him if he does that. Eric told Howard about some of the other people he met and the conversations he had with them. Howard said he would have loved to have taped the conversations he had with the contestants.
Howard wondered if Eric tried to get a job with the Maloufs like he was talking about the last time he called in. Eric said that didn't happen and he didn't get to meet with the Maloufs. That led to Howard playing a bit that Sal and Richard put together about what it might be like if Eric was working in a hotel. Eric said he didn't like the bit of course. Howard asked Eric if he told Carrie that he had a crush on her. Eric said he didn't do that. Howard asked Eric if he feels his mission was accomplished. Howard started in with his impression of him again and Artie added that Eric's mission was accomplished by annoying everyone. Gary asked if they could post some of his pictures on their web site. Eric said that he already told him that he could. Howard was going to let him go but he wanted to get in a plug for this Briana chick that he's trying to help out. He gave out her web site BrianaTyson.com before getting off the phone.
Comedian Sacha Baron Cohen (Ali G) Comes In. 08/23/04. 8:55am
After the break Howard had Sacha Baron Cohen (Ali G) come in. He told him what a fan of his he is. He said that it was good to meet him. Sacha told Howard he can't really say how they get those interviews on his show because it would be tough for them to keep doing them if everyone knew how they did it. He also told Howard how he got started doing the characters he does.
Howard talked about the Andy Rooney bit he'd played earlier and how it shows how humorless Rooney really is. There was an article in the paper today about Sacha's show ''Da Ali G Show'' because he did a bit where his character, Borat, sings about throwing Jews down a well. Now there are Jews who are pissed off about the bit and at Sacha for what he did. They want Sacha's show to be taken off the air. Howard wondered if HBO is going to cave in and actually take the show off. Sacha said he did one bit that HBO never aired because the guy being interviewed was talking about how they used to hunt blacks in Africa. This guy down in Texas also talked about how good the Final Solution was and he was serious. They aired that segment over in England but not over here on HBO. They think that it trivialized the holocaust so that's why HBO didn't put it on. Howard said that over here in the US it's like we have to protect the stupid people. That's why they take stuff like that off the show.
Howard played the bit that he was talking about where Sacha's character Borat sings a country song about the Jews and how they should throw them down the well. He's in a bar with a bunch of hillbillies and they eventually start singing along to the song. Howard thinks it's unbelievable that the people in the bar actually sing along to the song.
Howard asked Sacha if they think about how wrong a bit like that can go. He said they do think about that stuff but when they start to see what's going on, they know that they've gotten some ''comedy gold.'' Howard wondered if they've ever lost anything because they didn't have a camera running for some reason. Sacha said that he had a camera man early on one time who was told not to turn off the camera no matter what. He looked at some tape later in the day and found that the guy had turned it off. Sacha told Howard that everyone on camera knows that they're being filmed so that's how they get them all on.
Howard asked Sacha about this interview he did with this guy who was running for office. The guy basically says that he thinks the Jews are going to hell for their beliefs. The guy didn't do that well in the election and HBO has heard from him about this stuff. Gary told him that he called the FCC and the Sherrif's office after it aired. Howard played the clip of that interview where Sacha was doing his character Borat again and asking the guy about the Jews and if he thinks they will go to heaven or hell. The guy responds saying that he thinks the Jews are going to hell.
Howard asked Sacha if he's making some good money working for HBO. He said that they give him creative freedom but Howard doesn't think he's making much money. Howard said that Sacha almost got an interview with him when he was over in England. Sacha wasn't in character at the time and just wanted to do a regular interview. Howard kind of remembered him coming up to him over there. Howard had done an interview with this guy Chris Evans over there and Sacha remembered seeing that. The guy is pretty popular over there in England to this day.
Sacha used to be a stand-up comedian but some people didn't get that he was doing characters so it didn't go over too well. He did a movie over in England based on his character Ali G but he's not sure if it'll come out over here. Howard also asked Sacha about the woman he's engaged to, Isla Fisher. Sacha talked about her for a short time.
Sacha told Howard a story about a guy who tried to take him into a bathroom stall one time and how he had to escape from him. He remained in character the whole time though. That led to Howard playing a clip of Sacha doing an interview as his gay character where he interviewed a straight guy about guns. During the interview he was making gay references and the guy threatened to knock every tooth out of his head if he made another gay reference. Sacha said he has one interview on the DVD he has coming out where he did something similar and the guy ended up pulling a gun out on him. He had to run off, remaining in character of course, and got away from the guy.
Howard gave Sacha a plug for his DVD ''Da Ali G Show - The Complete First Season'' and said that it's available now. HBO is going to be ''re-premiering'' his show ''Da Ali G Show'' this Sunday night as well. Howard played another one of his favorite clips where Ali G interviews a Veterinarian about why there were so many sick animals over in Vietnam. He was confusing Veterans and Veterinarians and pissing the guy off. Sacha says that if everyone is in on the joke then the whole thing is pointless. Howard told him that he should be in a mad rush to get as many interviews as he can before the whole world embraces him.
Howard took some phone calls for Sacha. One guy asked about a band aid that Sacha was wearing on his face during some of his stuff. He said he cut himself shaving and wore the band-aid for that reason. He said it wasn't a great story. Another caller asked Sacha who his influence were because he seems kind of like Andy Kauffman. Sacha said he never watched Taxi but he did see the movie about him and thought he was a pretty incredible talent. Another caller wondered if Sacha was going to do any political interviews. Sacha said that he would love to interview Bush but he usually only interviews really intelligent people.
Howard played another clip from ''Da Ali G Show'' where he's talking about Euthanasia and makes people think that he thinks that they're talking about ''youth-in-Asia.'' Howard got a few more laughs out of that. He asked Sacha how he met his girlfriend but interrupted him and asked him about how he became friends with Madonna. He said he got a call from someone who he thought was impersonating Madonna so he goofed on her for a few minutes. Then, about 10 minutes in, she made it clear that it was really Madonna. She was a fan of his and eventually came over to his house for dinner with her husband. He told Howard that at one point, he turned and heard his mother telling her that she looks better in pictures than she does in person.
Howard thought that Sacha is engaged to this woman Isla Fisher but Sacha said that he's not actually engaged to her. He's just dating her and there are some stories that have run over in England that aren't quite true. Howard started to wrap up the interview but Gary came in and said that Sacha was able to interview someone high up in the FBI and he wonders how something like that happens.
Howard asked Sacha if there's any interview that he really liked that hasn't aired. Sacha said that he went to a guy who was supposed to ''heal him'' by massaging him. He said that the guy was trying to massage him but he couldn't relax. The guy left the room to let him relax for a couple of minutes. When the guy came back he pretended to be pleasuring himself furiously. The guy eventually called the cops but Sacha stayed in character and tried to drag it out a little longer. He had to break down and tell him that he was in character shooting a TV show. He said that the cops ended up taking the tapes and they still have them to this day.
Howard thanked Sacha for coming in today and gave him another plug for his DVD ''Da Ali G Show - The Complete First Season'' and wrapped up the interview.
Comedian Paul Rodriguez Comes In. 8/23/01. 7:35am
Comedian Paul Rodriguez came in right after hearing Beetlejuice screwing a whore on the phone. He wondered how he's supposed to follow an act like that. Paul said that Beetle has great management because no manager would ever do this for him. While they were talking to Misty the whore their hour of time was up so Misty said they were done. She just stopped the whole thing and Beetle had to go to the bathroom to put on another condom or something. Howard asked Misty if she was going to finish him off or not. She wasn't sure if she could do it or not. Beetle was taking so long that she was worn out. Howard and Paul convinced her that this was a big deal and everyone listening around the country wanted to hear the finish. She agreed to stay around until he finished when Howard said he'd fly her down to be on the show with Beetlejuice sometime soon. Howard was feeding Misty some lines to say to Beetle while she let him screw her. She's the mother of 3 kids so Artie told her to say ''Give my 1 year old a black brother!'' All of the guys in the studio were giving her lines to say and she was actually doing it. They had her saying stuff like ''Give me your Beetle-Batter'' and ''Punch me in the head.'' It was really funny stuff and Paul Rodriguez was having a fun time with it all. He didn't even want to do a regular interview before Beetle was done.
Howard convinced Paul to talk about other things because the Beetlejuice thing wasn't even close to coming to an end. Howard put Misty on hold and gave up on the Beetlejuice thing.
In the clip Howard came back from break but Robin wasn't there yet. Robin came back a few seconds later. Howard asked if she was in the bathroom and if she had dropped a deuce. Robin just moved on with the news and didn't want to say. Howard told Jackie to go smell the bathroom. Robin said they'll just lie. Robin said she doesn't smell. Howard said he has yet to meet a woman that doesn't smell.
Jackie came back in and asked if Robin was okay. Howard asked if she used the middle stall. Robin said there are four stalls there. Howard asked if she was in the middle. Robin said she doesn't know. Fred said it was either the middle or the second from the right side. Jackie said someone sprayed something in there. Robin said she didn't do it. Fred said it smelled like compost. Jackie said she flushed so there was no evidence.
Robin was trying to do the news but Fred kept playing fart sounds. Robin read a story about Howard Stern being bigger than Brando and the Pope. Robin said he's asking for $10 million to do his next book. Brando only got 6 million and the pope only got 9 million. They spent a minute on that and then went to break.
In the clip Howard took a call and the guy was drunk and unable to follow what he was saying. The caller wasn't making a lot of sense. Howard said this is the kind of people that listen to the show. He said he wonders if guys like this even care about what they're talking about. The caller said he knows what they're talking about.
Howard told the guy to say the alphabet without signing it. The caller started to say it but then asked why he would do it. Howard said he knows he can't do it. Howard said he'd give him a prize if he can do it. Robin asked if he's married. The guy said that's a very personal question. He didn't answer it.
Howard asked the guy to say the alphabet. The caller said he did. He didn't even believe he was talking to Howard. Howard said this is like Rodney King on the phone.
Howard asked the caller what he likes about the show. The caller said he likes the way he interviews. Robin asked if he's in this condition every time he listens. The caller didn't like that kind of question. Howard asked what his ethnic background is. He said he's Spanish and Irish. Howard asked if he's Mexican. The caller said he's part Mexican.
Howard asked to hear the alphabet. The caller started to sing it but Howard told him not to sing. The caller said he won't do it. Howard spent another minute with the guy but he refused to say the alphabet and hung up a short time later. Howard said that's how Jackie sounds when he drinks. They went to break after that.
Howard's Clogged Toilet. 08/23/04. 8:35am
Howard remembered he had to tell a quick story before going to break. He said on Thursday he stuck around the station because he wanted to meet Jeremiah Bosgang there to do some writing for his cartoon ''Howard Stern the High School Years.'' When Jeremiah showed up Howard felt like he had to go to the bathroom and make a doody. He never does that at work but he really had to go. He went to his private bathroom and when he was done, he tried to flush it. It wouldn't go down but he didn't have a plunger to get it to go down. All he had were pictures in the bathroom from listeners. He took one big 8x10 picture that a black guy with boobs sent him. He shoved it into the toilet and covered it in his own doody. Then he put it in the trash because he wasn't able to get it down.
Howard went to Jason and asked him to find him a plunger. Jason offered to plunge it for him if he wanted. The guys thought that was kind of weird. Jason came in a short time later and said he never offered to plunge it for him, he just offered to take a picture for him. Howard went back later and found that Jason didn't find a plunger. He went and found Tom Chiusano instead and made a joke out of it. There was nothing he could do and he doesn't even know if they had anyone take care of that mess for him. Jason said he checked the toilet on Friday and someone else had cleaned it. Howard feels bad for whoever did that for him.
In the clip John was out on the street and Howard had him going around getting people to talk about OJ Simpson. John found a black woman and put her on with Howard. Howard asked if she thinks he's guilty or innocent. The woman said she thinks he was framed. Howard asked why she thinks that. She said that she's not sure but that's what she believes happened. Howard asked if she thinks that the police did that. She said she never said that. Howard asked why he would be running from the law if he was innocent. Howard said this isn't about being black. He said that OJ is just a man. He said that he doesn't understand why so many black people think he's innocent. The woman said there are a lot of white people who believe that too. Howard said he's still trying to find one.
The woman said she has to get going to work. She said if OJ is guilty then he belongs in jail. Howard asked if he deserves the chair if he did it. She said he absolutely does. Howard told her he's glad she's on her way to work. He said that's a good thing. She ran off a short time later.
John found a black man to interview. Howard tried talking to him but he wasn't able to hear him. They eventually got that straightened out. Howard found out the guy was from Ghana. He asked if he thinks OJ is guilty or innocent. The guy said he doesn't think OJ caused the trouble. He said it could be anybody. Robin said this is the only crime that could have been caused by ''anybody.'' Howard said they found his blood at the scene. The guy said he had an explanation about that. Howard ended up getting into a discussion with the guy about his home in Ghana and if he's married. He said his wife is still back in Ghana. Howard asked if he gets laid here. The guy said he doesn't but Fred noticed the guy was smiling. The guy said he has two children. Howard said his wife must be banging other guys over there. The guy said she doesn't do that. Howard said he's been away from her for four years. He said he has but he talks to her on the phone. Howard said he should be careful. He said he'd bet she's cheating. Howard said he bets he has 5 kids when he gets home. The guy cracked up laughing.
Howard asked if he's ever shrunk a head. The guy laughed and said he doesn't do that. Howard asked what religion he is. He said he's Christian. Howard asked if he ever used a blow gun or if he's ever hunted lion and run around in bare feet. The guy said he grew up in a city. Howard asked if he ever got his foot stuck in one of those loops that grabs you and flips you upside down. The guy was laughing and said that never happened.
Gary told Howard he has a white woman on the line who believes that OJ is innocent. Howard got back to the guy from Ghana and asked if he ever ate Zebra. The guy said they never do that. Howard asked what ''ungowa'' means because Tarzan used to say that. The guy had no idea. Howard told the guy that OJ is guilty and let him go.
John found another guy to interview. This guy was a cab driver. Howard asked him where he was from. He was from the Dominican Republic. Howard asked why he left there. The guy said it's alright but it could be better. He said he was brought there by his parents when he was very young. Howard asked the guy if he thinks OJ is guilty or innocent. The guy said he's guilty. Howard let him go and John found one more.
The next guy was from Jamaica and he wasn't able to hear Howard. John had to swap headphones. Howard asked the guy if he thinks OJ is innocent or guilty. The guy said ''Man, he kill that bitch...'' Howard asked the guy if he thinks that he's not really a black guy like an American black. The guy said that he's no better than any other man. Howard asked if he was a doctor back in Jamaica. The guy said he was a Ganja doctor. Howard spent a little more time with the guy and then went to break.
Artie, Robin And Howard Play Ping Pong. 08/23/07. 6:45am
Howard said they have a ping pong game coming up later. He said they have Crackhead Bob and Miss Amputee coming in to play against each other. That led to the guys talking about the game and how Artie is going to have a table at his new house in his game room. Howard said he doesn't think that Artie will actually play. He said no one will want to play ping pong but they may want to play pool. Artie said he likes all of that stuff. He doesn't like bowling though.
Howard said he even had an outdoor ping pong table and it just sits there and rusts. He said that it's a pain in the ass to chase the ball every few seconds. Artie said the problem is when a chick wants to play and they ruin it. Robin said that she used to play so Artie challenged her to a game. Howard then said that they could do a 5 point game or something like that. Artie wanted to win his money back from yesterday.
Robin and Artie went over to the table and Howard tried to get the microphones working. They weren't working right so Scott the Engineer was yelling out which microphones to use. They were having a lot of problems getting that all worked out. Howard told them not to worry about it because he didn't want to spend all day on it.
Artie and Robin warmed up a little bit but Howard told them to just play the game. Robin didn't remember how to serve so Artie had to show her that. Artie then served and won within just a couple of minutes. Robin said she hadn't played since the 1970s.
Howard got up to go play against Artie. The microphones weren't working so Fred was trying to make things work. Howard eventually got on the microphone and said he hasn't played since he was a kid. He said he's played like 3 times in his life. Artie and Howard played a quick game and kept it pretty even. They were at 4-4 at one point and they were playing to 5. Howard ended up winning and bragging as soon as he did. Fred played some triumphant music for him when he won.
Howard said he felt some pressure during the game but he'll never play again. He said he's never going to play again. Howard got the headphones stuck in his hair and had to untangle them. He told Scott that he'd never know that feeling. Howard told Artie that he should have done better because he had just warmed up with Robin. He was afraid that Artie was going to lose it because he's super competitive. Artie said he was fine. He asked if he was going to go back on heroin after that. Artie assured Howard he was fine.
Howard said that they're going to find out how two people with just one arm can do playing against each other. Artie said he's going to go with Jen, Miss Amputee, against Crackhead Bob. Howard said his original idea was to use the dead arm of the person who was going to be playing. Like Howard would use Miss Amputee's prosthetic to play against someone else using Crackhead Bob's dead arm but it would be almost impossible to do that. They wanted Jeff the Drunk to play but he can't come because of his ass. Then they found out he's going to be making an appearance somewhere soon and that's just bullshit.
Howard said they were going to have Crackhead Bob's dead arm vs. Jeff the Drunk's dead arm but Jeff can't come so they got Jen. Howard and the guys spent a few minutes talking about the ping pong thing and other games they've played on the show. Howard got a note from the Howard TV guys saying that his basketball game against Jackie was coming up in September. Howard didn't even remember playing against Jackie.
Artie brought up the time he played basketball against the chick out in Las Vegas. They spent a minute on that and then went to commercial break.
Jen Miss Amputee Vs. Crackhead Bob Ping Pong Game. 08/23/07. 7:40am
Howard moved on to the ping pong game between Crackhead Bob and Jen Miss Amputee. Howard said the guys were telling him that she looks really good too. She got hair extensions and breast implants. Howard noticed that Bob was breathing into the microphone really heavy so he wanted to fix that. They shut off the microphone but it kept going. Then Howard suggested that they just use wireless microphones instead of the headphones. Gary said it's going to be hard to hold microphones on them while they're playing. Bob's microphone stopped acting up but then Jen's sounded awful. Jen apologized for making the noise because it turns out it was her microphone making all of that breathing noise.
Howard asked Jen about her new boobs but then Gary came in with a wind screen for Jen's microphone. It was a little muffled after that. Howard said that Scott didn't check the microphones before the show. Scott said they did check them and they were fine. Howard told Gary to move it away from her a little bit and it would be better. Howard said that he's not even an engineer and he knows what to do. He told Scott that he's a Type C personality, not even a Type B. Howard said that Scott has only been doing that for 25 years.
Howard told Jen that she looks good and asked her about the new implants. Jen said that she has D-cups now but didn't want to believe they were that big. Jen said that she never tried to turn that Miss Amputee into anything big. She's a speech pathologist. Howard said he read that she dated Craig Gass for a while. He said that's kind of funny that she has to date Craig because of the missing arm. If she had the other arm, she wouldn't have to go so low (ouch!). Howard asked Artie if he would go out with her. Of course he would.
Howard said that Jen is too hot to go out with Craig. Howard read that Craig would shush her if the show was on and he was kind of annoying according to Jen. She said that he wouldn't let anyone know that they were dating because he was afraid it was going to effect his comedy and relationship with the show. Jen said that he's shush her when he'd be listening to Raw Dog Comedy and things like that.
Howard said that Craig did her and everything but it's because she's so hot. Howard said that he could introduce her to Paul McCartney since he likes amputees. Crackhead Bob wanted to meet him too. Howard said he'd forgotten about how she lost her arm. Jen said that she lost it in a car accident when she was 4 years old.
Howard moved on to Crackhead Bob and played a prank call he did with Sal and Richard when they did a Jack and Rod show. They had him playing the part of Kirk Douglas. They had a couple of authors on the phone and they jerked them around having Bob telling them about his penis and asking the woman to suck his ''denis'' and ''dock.''
Howard said that Bob was on fire that day. Bob's microphone was dead for a second so Howard had to get that working again. He then told Bob what they were going to do today. They taped a ping pong paddle to his dead arm and one to Miss Amputee's prosthetic. They were going to play ping pong and whoever won would get $2,500 courtesy of the movie ''Balls of Fury.'' Howard asked Robin how many points they should play to. Robin said it should be 5 because they'll never get any higher.
Howard said that the guys were telling him that Bob was making some weird noises when he was laughing. He played some audio of that and it sounded like a pig snorting. He spent a minute talking to Bob about what's going on in his life. Bob said that he's doing okay but things are tough. He's still taking things one day at a time and going to meetings. He talks at the meetings and he's a good support buddy. Howard wondered how that would work out if he was his support buddy. He created a conversation with Bob and Bob tried to talk him through his tough times. Howard said he felt better after that.
Artie said that he was lighting up his crack pipe as he spoke. He then told the guys that he would never think of calling Bob to get support. If he gets some heroin one night, he's going to think about doing that and not calling someone like that. He said he knows that he will eventually do heroin again in his life. He said it's a cycle in his life that he will go through again some day.
Artie said he went out drinking last night. He said he did an interview with the Best Damn Sports Show last night and when he was leaving the studio, he ran into a friend. He wanted him to go out to drink but he passed on it. Then he went home and thought about it and ended up going out. He said there were chicks there and one chick said she could out drink him so he had to show her that she couldn't. He ended up drinking a lot and didn't get home until like 2:30 in the morning.
Artie then told the guys that he really can't guarantee that he's not going to do heroin again. He said he knows that it's just not something he can promise. He said he knows that day will come again when he can take the heroin. He doesn't ''take it one day at a time'' like Crackhead Bob does. Robin said he wants to have a kid and a relationship with a woman but he can't be doing that stuff if he wants to do all of that.
Artie said that this girl dating Craig Gass makes him want to do heroin. He said he likes Craig but it makes him wonder what's going on in this world. Jen said that she was with Craig and Gary the Retard one night and they went to visit Artie at a comedy show. Artie said he didn't know that they were dating at the time. Jen said it was on the down low at the time so no one knew. She said that Artie also looked at her arm but pretended he wasn't when he saw her.
Howard spent a few minutes asking Jen about her prosthetic arm and stuff like that. Artie said that he doesn't think that he could be with Jen. That led to Crackhead Bob trying to help Artie out and saying that now he loves himself even though other people might now. Bob said he loves himself and Artie should love himself as well. He said that he loves his soul and himself. He told Artie he has to go to the meetings and learn to love himself before anyone else.
Artie said that both Bob and Beetlejuice have now called him a mess so that's really working on him. He asked Howard to move on to the game. Howard explained what was going on again and said that they have paddles taped to their dead arms and they were going to play for the $2,500 grand prize. Jen was going to serve first because she's a girl.
Bob and Jen started the game and Jen went down one point within a few seconds. She then served again and Bob missed so the score was tied 1-1. Howard had Bob serve but it wasn't going to be easy. Bob managed to do it but he missed so Jen was up 2-1. Bob tried again and tied up the score. Jen served next and got herself another point. It was 3-2. Jen served again and Bob missed again so she was up 4-2. Bob was up to serve again and blew it when he missed again. Jen won the $2,500. Howard said he was going to give Bob $2,500 as well since he'd look like a dick if he let him walk away without any money after that whole thing.
Irish John called in and said that he saw Jen's boobs at a comedy show one time and she couldn't stop showing them. He wondered why she didn't show them today. She said that she had a lot to drink that day and there were pictures taken. John said they're up on HowardShrine.com.
Crackhead Bob said that Artie has his number but never calls him. Artie said ''Yeah, get the hint?'' when he brought that up. Howard told Bob that he's proud of his sobriety and he thinks that Artie should go with him. Howard wrapped things up and played one of Crackhead Bob's best prank calls as they were going to break. He was about to play his call to a Chinese restaurant but Gary asked if Jen wanted to ride the Sybian. Jen said she draws the line at the RoboSpanker so she won't be riding the Sybian.
Crackhead Bob said that his birthday is today so the guys tried to guess how old he is. The guys said that he looked between 45 and 65. Bob said that he's ''one, two, three, four...'' and counted up to eight after showing four fingers, so he's 48. Howard played that prank call of Bob's. He asked Bob if that's how it goes when he's really trying to order food. Bob said it is tough. He said his favorite food is ''Ticky tow mein'' but then said it was actually just chicken. They went to break a short time later.
In the clip Robin was reading news about OJ Simpson's DNA test. Howard also made a call to a 900 number where you could leave a message that would be delivered to OJ. Howard tried making the call but he didn't get through. Howard tried again and didn't get through again. He said maybe Tom put a block on 900 numbers so they can't charge $2.99 a minute. Tom came in and said he didn't block the numbers.
Stuttering John came in and checked to make sure he was using the right line to get out. Howard had to yell at him to talk on the microphone. He said that really drives him nuts. He said he has to tell John and Grillo to do that all the time.
John tried making the call. Howard said he's an idiot. He said he has a 102 IQ but he must have added up two tests.
Robin started to read more about the OJ Simpson DNA test but John said he got right through. Howard tried calling again. He got through and they said that it was $2.99 for the first minute and $.95 for every minute after. The line was just for OJ Simpson news. Howard left a message for OJ saying that he has to get used to being in jail because he's going away for a long time. Howard asked if he could put some bacon on his lap so that will fry with him.
Billy West was doing his impression of OJ and mumbling. Robin got back to her news and read more OJ news. Howard spent some time talking about the people involved with the case like Marcia Clark. Howard said she's pretty hot. He was also talking about the computer Judge Ito has on his desk. The guys were joking around about the games he might be playing on that thing during the case.
Various News Stories And Tennis Match Discussions. 08/23/1989. 4:20pm
Howard read about Larry King getting married again. He read about who it was and what she does. Howard read about all of that and laughed at some of the stuff they were mentioning. Howard said Larry just met this woman 6 weeks ago. He's had 5 failed marriages already. Howard read more about what Larry and this woman were saying about each other. Howard said he predicts that she'll fall for someone else.
Howard said he wanted to call this woman off the air as Angie Dickinson and yell at her for stealing Larry away. He said that's not legal to do so he didn't do it.
Howard read more about Larry and this woman and figured they'd end up not working out. Robin said they'll end up in divorce court.
Howard read some news about Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon. Howard went through that stuff and read about how Johnny treats Ed.
Howard was thinking about this tennis match he wants to do and how he could sell it to a local channel. He said he doesn't think they'd be offering that much money though. He said he could do it on Pay-Per-View but that would take months. He said that he's not sure what to do. Howard said maybe they can do it at Nassau Colosseum. He said they could do some really funny stuff there.
Howard and Robin worked out some of the stuff they could do at the event. They were working out how long the match could be and what they could wear and things like that.
Howard took some calls from people asking if they would buy tickets to the tennis match. The first caller said she would. Howard said he would do it in Atlantic City if they have to. Gary said they could do that. He had some suggestions for that.
Howard said he knows the guy at Trump so maybe he can set it up. Howard said if they can get a couple thousand seats then that would be perfect. He told Gary to look into that. He said they could get Trump to show up too. They spent a few minutes talking about that and then went to break.
Howard Tries To Call Larry King's Future Wife. 08/23/1989. 5:15pm
Howard called Larry King's future wife's, Julie Alexander, place of work trying to get a hold of her. He got someone else on the line and she said that Julie wasn't there. Howard spent a minute talking to her and asked if she's a good looking woman. She said she is. She also said that Larry calls there all the time. Howard said they must have slept together by now. The woman on the phone didn't want to comment too much on what was going on. She did tell Howard what they do there at the place she works.
Howard asked to speak to someone who works closely with Julie. The woman put Howard on hold. A woman by the name of Ginny picked up and said her daughter is a big fan of Howard's. She said her daughter that listens is 20 years old. Howard asked if she works with Julie. She said she does and she's very excited about this. She said she thinks that she's a good judge of people and she thinks this is terrific. she's not sure if she'll be invited to the wedding though.
Howard asked Ginny if she's single. She said she is. Howard said maybe she can hang with Larry's friends. Ginny said that Julie has built a great business there. Howard goofed on Larry and did an impression of him for a minute. Howard told Ginny that he's friends with Larry but he really doesn't know him very well.
Howard said he thinks that 6 weeks isn't enough time to get to know someone. Ginny said she disagrees. She said Julie is making the right decision. Howard said that Larry has been married 5 times. She thought that was a mistake. Howard said it wasn't.
Ginny said she thinks that this marriage is going to work. Howard said he's not so sure about that. He said he would like to meet Ginny and have sex to get that out of the way. She said she would like to play tennis first. Howard said he is a very professional tennis player. Howard sneezed and said he must be allergic to his own B.S.
Howard asked if Julie is very sexually active. Ginny didn't know. She said she looks kind of like Candace Bergen. Howard asked her to think about what it would be like to have Larry in bed. She told Howard that he doesn't know what women find attractive. She said they are attracted to energy. Robin said Larry looks like a lizard. Howard said Larry is going for looks and that's it. He said these are concerns he has.
Ginny let Howard go when she got a phone call she said she had to take. Howard said he thinks that the secretary came in and told her to cut after she got another call. Howard said he's sure they'd hang up on him if he called back.
Howard tried calling back and spoke to the secretary. Howard said it seemed kind of abrupt. She said they can't talk now. She said they're very busy. Howard said they handled themselves very well. He said they don't have to hang up. She said she had to go. Howard said he hopes that they don't get into trouble. Howard said that call must have been very important. She said it might have been. She said she had to go too so Howard let her go.
Howard said he doesn't think Larry is being very honest with these women. He's been married 5 times and he's just going for looks. Howard said he thinks he's a pretty good judge of that and 5 times is a problem. He went to break a short time later.
In the clip Robin read a story about a lifeguard that was fooling women into taking showers so he could go and watch from a two way mirror. Robin said that the guy would tell the women when to shower and they eventually got suspicious and figured out how he was watching them from a room above the bathroom. Robin said they claim he may have been doing this for years.
Howard was doing an impression of what the conversations might have been like. Howard was making up excuses to send the women to the shower.
Robin read a story about a woman who dressed up like a boy to have sex with multiple girls. Robin said this woman was 20 and she would dress like a teenage boy. Robin said she had 7, 11 and 12 year olds. Robin said the girls consented to the acts. Robin said a 7 year old doesn't know how to look for the right private parts.
In the clip Robin was going through some news stories and had some audio of Pat Robertson talking about some stuff. They spent a little time talking about Robertson and some of his crazy comments.
Howard said he had a clip from COPs where this guy says he was ''keistering'' tobacco. He'd shoved the stuff up his butt. Howard played the clip and Robin said she had never heard that term before. She said she gets what he's saying now that he explained it.
Robin said that Cousin Brucie might be exited today. She said that his station changed format and the new format is being ignored. That led to Howard doing his Cousin Brucie impression and referring to some of the stuff Robin had just read about in the news. Robin said that the ratings for the new format have gone down since the change. Howard was going nuts with the impression and Fred was adding to it with a dog barking sound.
Robin went through some other stories but Howard was still going nuts with the Brucie impression. He was commenting on the news stories as Brucie. Robin read one story about the guy who invented the Moog Synthesizer dying. Howard kept up the Brucie impression. Robin just kept going with her story. Howard eventually stopped the Brucie impression and let her get through that story. Howard played a few song parodies saying that they used the Moog in them. Howard played some actual songs that used the Moog too. Howard sang some of the songs Robin mentioned. He was singing Emerson Lake & Palmer's ''Lucky Man'' and making his own synthesizer sounds with his megaphone.
Fred was using a bunch of sound effects and that led to Howard doing his Eric the Midget impression and making more sounds with his megaphone. They were going nuts with the sounds. Howard eventually said he had enough of the Moog synthesizer.
Robin read some more news stories and Howard got back to the Cousin Brucie thing with Fred playing the dog sounds as Brucie. Howard said that's what he hears when he hears Brucie. They wrapped up a short time later.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 11:45am.
This week's Best of the Week was over around 11:30am.