|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard and the guys were back live this morning. Howard started the show welcoming everyone to the show. Robin said he has a very deep voice. She said he's been everywhere lately too. She said he's on top of cabs and he's all over TV. Howard asked if she thinks that it's just L.A. and New York. Robin wondered if there are other cities like that. Howard said he doesn't think so.
Robin asked how Vegas was. Howard said he doesn't want to answer. He said his fans are such fuckers. He said he's done with them. Howard said he has a Twitter account and everyone is telling him to shut the fuck up about AGT. He said that he's not sure if that's everyone's feeling or just 5 people on Twitter. Howard said some people ask what's going on at AGT so it seems to be that whatever he does... he's just fed up. Howard said he doesn't want to be the guy at the party that's boring. He said it was kind of interesting what went down out there. He said he won't tell anyone though. Howard said he'll tell Robin off the air.
Howard said he's doing a bunch of appearances this week. He said fuck you to the audience about that too. He said he won't tell anyone where he's going to be. Fuck off. Howard said he doesn't care. He said he's always told people what he's doing but now he doesn't want to get shit for it. Howard said he's sure that everyone from the listeners to management want to know but then they tell him to talk about something else. Howard said ''fuck off!'' and he means that.
Howard said he was on Twitter talking about being out in Las Vegas and people told him not to talk about it. Howard said they can fuck off and not follow him on Twitter then. Howard said now no one will know what he was up to.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was wondering about the Vegas thing. Howard said he's not telling anyone what he did. Howard said he'll call him personally and tell him. The caller said he loves him talking about this stuff. Howard said they'll talk about what Fred did this weekend instead. He snored. Fred asked why he's getting picked on. He told Howard to keep his shit Twitter to himself.
Howard said he was on a network TV show that's about to premiere in a week and he's not going to talk about it. Howard said everyone can suck his dick. He said he's not going to talk about anything he did out there. Howard said he won't tell Robin what he did with Beth out there. He said his fans are idiots. Howard said his show has been about what he's done for the past 35 years. He said he knows everyone wants to hear about it but then they tell him to fuck off.
Robin said if he had been doing the movie and they had Twitter then they would have done the same thing back then. Howard said he has nothing to talk about. He said he's been a part of a network TV show that's about to be on in a week and he won't tell anyone a god damn thing. Howard said he's teaching everyone a lesson. He told Fred to play music.
Robin said that she saw all of the promos running and how they had them all on On Demand this week. Howard said he has a lot of newspapers to talk to. He said he's going to do that instead of talking about this stuff on the air. Howard said the audience doesn't understand the point of the show. That's how brilliant they are.
The caller asked if he could bring up something else. Howard said he shouldn't bring up anything to do with AGT. Howard said he's going to separate his whole life. He said he's not going to talk about AGT so people like Natalie Maines and Judd Apatow don't have to hear about it.
Howard said it's like he doesn't know what he's doing. He's been doing it for 35 years but he doesn't know what he's doing. Howard said he had people telling him they can't wait to hear about the AGT stuff and then calling him a douche. Howard said he's not going to talk about it. He's going to tell everyone to fuck off then.
Howard said he doesn't care if people subscribe or not. He doesn't get paid anymore money. The caller said that's not fair either. Howard took another call.
The next caller said that the show is about his life so he should be talking about this. He told Howard that some of the fans think that he's not putting any effort into his radio show either. Howard said that's the other thing. He said that they're a bunch of lazy pricks who listen to him. He said that they listen for 4 hours a day because they have no job but they tell him he's not putting enough effort into it. Howard said they're scumbags. He said his whole life is this show. He said they can kiss his saggy balls.
Howard said all of the fans can kiss his ass. Howard said he's going to save this AGT stuff for the newspaper interviews. The caller told Howard that he agrees and he should get on with the show. Howard told him not to tell him what to do. He said he's going to punish everyone today. Howard asked the guy what he does for a living. He said he drives a truck so Howard told him to put more effort into it. Howard told him to get off speed and fuck off. Robin said they don't know that he does that. The guy said he does take speed. Howard said he knew it. The guy said they're always cranked up. The caller said he was just telling him to get on with the show because he wanted to get him going.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she doesn't want him telling her to fuck off. She said she doesn't feel that way. Howard said if she doesn't then he's not telling her to fuck off. He said it's just the people on Twitter who don't like what he's doing. Howard said he's going to go on Howard 101 and call that AGT 101. That's how he'll talk about this stuff.
Howard said the show is about him and his life and what's going on in it. Howard said most times he's sitting in his apartment thinking about what's going to happen next. Robin said she wants to know what he was up to out there. Howard said he's not going to talk about it. Howard said he thought it was about his life and how he stepped out and got on a network TV show. Robin said she wants to know.
Howard said he got in the air by 6:40 in the morning. Howard said they had a private plane out there. Howard said they went and he got home around 1 or 2 in the afternoon. He said he forced himself to stay awake and get back into his schedule. Howard said he was in bed by 8:30 last night. Howard said he made love to Beth and figured he'd pass right out. He said he's been trained to pass out after he cums. Howard said he learned to do that when he was very young. He said he'd jerk off before going to bed and fall asleep with the tissues in his hand.
Howard said he was up at 11 last night. He said he wasn't able to sleep so he took an Ambien. He said he had to take one and he started cursing out the fuckers from America's Got Talent. Howard said he figured he'd get 4 hours of sleep and he'd be drained all day. He said he hates taking Ambien. Howard said he was cursing everyone out. He was pissed.
Howard said he asked the AGT people if they could get him out of Vegas by Saturday and they said yes. Howard said that's why he's pissed at them.
Robin said that she wasn't able to sleep last night either. She said she has been up all night. Robin said she can't take Ambien. Howard said he doesn't feel good from taking it. Howard said Beth was thinking about taking one too but he warned her that it would wipe out all of the thoughts in her head. He said it takes a while to wake up from it too. He said you're groggy from it for a long time.
Howard said he was doing the AGT thing for a week and he was thinking about the live shows and what he's going to do with that. He said he's writing stuff down and thinking about all of that. Howard said they picked the top 48 acts for the show last week. He said it was very draining.
Robin said those people are the people who had an inkling of hope. Howard said it was very weird. He said he had some fun the day he got to Vegas. He said he sat at the pool for an hour and that was the last time he was out of the hotel. Howard said he may as well have been in Guam. Howard said Ronnie was there and he knows he doesn't leave his hotel room. He said he waits for his work and that's the way he's always been. He said he's neurotic about work.
Howard said he saw the inside of the hotel room. He said that it wasn't even just the hotel. It was just the room. Howard said he went out to dinner one night with Beth's brother and his girlfriend. He said that was it. He said he ate at AGT. They worked from 9am to 11pm. He said it was fucking crazy.
Howard said one day they gave them a 2 and a half hour break but he just went to his hotel and took a nap. He said they told him that he had to work 31 days but it's turning out to be more than that. Howard said he has to do a lot of work outside of the show too.
Howard said he didn't think the show would be so emotionally draining. He said the acts have to come up with new stuff and some of the acts were better than the first time. Some are worse. He said that he, Sharon and Howie have to go in and figure out what to do. He said they shuffle people's lives around on cards in the room. He said this is important to these people. He said that they couldn't just keep someone on the show if they were homeless or something. He said you want a really good show and that's that. He said it's not about the person's back story. Howard said he tries to block out some of the stories. Howard said if the guy can't do his thing then he's going to say fuck 'em.
Howard said there were ties when he had to give up to Sharon and Howie. He said they had to get out of there at some point so he had to make deals. Howard said Sharon would sit there and laugh. She was the tie breaker with some of the acts.
Howard said they had to be there at 7 in the morning to do their thing. He said that they have to march these people out and tell them they're going home or staying. He said it's really tough to tell them they're going home. Howard said some people get it. He said some took it really poorly. He said they have a full time psychiatrist there to help those people.
Howard said he saw everything from tears to anger. He said he gets it. Howard said these people invest their entire lives into this stuff. He said that some people just don't care. He said if they don't care then they could never have a life in show business.
Howard said they have a week before the show airs. Now he's doing tons of press. He said they have commercials everywhere and it's wild. Robin said he's working this whole month too. Howard said he's doing the show today and then he has to get it together to do some TV performances. Howard said he's going to meet with Ralph to get some clothes together. Wednesday he's doing Jimmy Fallon. Thursday he'll be on the Today show. Then he does The View. Then he has a press conference on Thursday.
Howard said Beth's new show starts on Saturday. He said she had to fly out to L.A. to do the Ellen Degeneres show. That show will air today. Howard said it should be on sometime in the afternoon so check your local listings. Howard said Beth had a good time with Ellen. He said it was good for her. Howard said Bianca is doing a guest spot on the Dog Whisperer. He was just joking about that.
Howard said he's really wiped out from that Ambien. He said that stuff wipes out your memory. He said he'll think about something and then it's gone. Robin said some people have had some weird episodes with that stuff. Howard said he looks over to make sure he didn't stab Beth in her sleep or something.
Howard said he saw that Girl with the Dragon Tattoo movie and it was great. He said that girl is hot. Howard said he thought the movie was great. Robin said her name is Rooney Mara. Howard said she is super hot with that blonde wig on. Robin said she looks very pretty when she's not doing that character too. Howard said she's so hot.
Howard said the Led Zeppelin song ''Immigrant Song'' is covered in the opening of that movie. He said the song is cool and the whole opening is great. He said he's not sure who does the song though. Fred said it actually is Trent Reznor. Fred said that it's Trent and someone named Karen O. Howard said it's no wonder he likes it. Howard said he can't do another album but he can do movie soundtracks. Howard said the guy is a dick head but he's really talented.
Howard said the girl looks really hot but in the picture he saw in the studio she looks kind of wide. Howard said she shouldn't wear white. Howard said that should be a lesson for other women. He said that they shouldn't wear white. Gary said that Rooney's sister is an actress too. He said that her family owns the Steelers. Howard said that she must have endless money. Fred said her full name is Patricia Rooney Mara. She's only 5'3'' tall. Howard said she's a fidget. He said he loves tall women.
Howard said Robin must be like 5'5 1/2'' or so. Robin said she's 5'6'' tall. Howard said that's fine. Howard said he thinks that he'd fuck Rooney's sister. He saw a picture of her too. Howard said he's not sure how he'd get that going if he was married to Rooney. He said that there are some guys who are able to get sisters. He said that he'd have to get them together so it wouldn't be cheating. Howard said he's heard it happens.
Howard said some celebrities have social media experts who handle that stuff. Howard said he met someone the other day who had one. He said that they have these people writing their tweets for them. He said it's weird. Howard said the person told him they don't write their own stuff. He said they don't want to fuck their brand up. Howard said he has to get one of those people.
Howard talked about the commercial Bobo brought up. Howard said it's the one where they drive aroudn. He said they've gotten like 5.5 million hits on the web. Howard said Howie told him that it's just a commercial and he doesn't get it.
Bobo said he'll be out there for the Fallon taping. He also said that Piers Morgan was also in the paper today. Howard said he heard that story. He said that Piers fell asleep on a private jet and Sharon took her tits out and put them on his head. Howard said Sharon told him that it was true. He said he asked her when she's going to do that to him. She won't show him her tits though. He said he has to fall asleep and let her do it to him then.
Howard let Bobo go and Robin said that Ellen is on at 4pm in New York. Howard said that Beth really enjoys doing that show ''Mom Caves.'' He said he's glad she likes it. He said that he'd be in hell if she didn't.
Howard said there was an article in the paper today about him (>The family guy Stern draws judging skills from raising daughters). He said that he was talking to Howie about his reputation and Howie said that he's a family guy. He said that's what they talk about in the article. Howard said the reporter asked him how that helped him in being a judge. Howard said this was Howie's thing so he didn't know. Howard said he told the reporter that his daughter would ask for advice and he'd offer up specific things he liked to encourage her. Howard said in the article they talk about that how being a family guy taught him how to judge. He said it's all bullshit though. He said it was all Howie's premise. Howard said telling his kids stuff didn't teach him how to judge. Howard said he's a guy on TV who judges shit.
Howard said he told a story about how his dad was a judge and how he sent him a scathing letter in college about how bad he was on radio. Howard said he boiled it down to him sucking and how he should get out of the business. Howard said his dad told him he had to announce. Howard said his dad told him to stop doing the King Schmaltz Radio Hour which was basically this same show. He said that he wanted him to be a straight announcer. Howard said his dad taught him how to criticize. He said he was very critical of him.
Howard said Eric is very slow in talking and he assumes that's from his affliction. Eric said he is not a slow talker. Howard said he has to watch the tape. He said he has no idea that he's so slow. Howard said Ronnie will ask a question and you wait and then Eric says something. He said the audience talks over it all.
Ronnie came in and said that Eric is very meek in person. He said people were happy to see him though. Howard said that guy who takes care of him, Jon, lifts Eric out of his chair so Eric can put his head in some girl's breasts. He said you've never seen a show like this. Ronnie said they had four sold out shows.
JD came in and said he pulled Eric doing his stand-up act. Howard said it's excruciating. The guys talked about the t-shirt Eric had on that said ''I'm With A Zero.'' Howard said Eric is such a poor communicator that you wish he'd have everything on his t-shirt. Ronnie said Scott quit the show in the middle of a show. Howard said he ash to take a break and talk about that later. Howard said they'll get into that later.
Howard said he'll play some of Eric from the block party before they break. Howard played a clip and Ronnie introduced Eric so he could do his comedy act. Howard said you're bored already hearing that intro. Ronnie said that everyone loved it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loved seeing Eric there. Howard thanked him for the call and Eric thanked the guy too. Howard said he had to change subjects again. He said they got Diana DeGarmo on the phone and she told them that she won't come on the show with Eric. Howard said he must have done something really fucked up. He said she won't even come on with him. Howard said he doesn't feel right having her on if Eric isn't on. Howard said he'd like to know her side of the story. Eric said they can do that.
Gary said they were trying to find out all week what it was he did. He said that Eric somehow spooked her. He said that she had problems with a stalker in the past. Eric said he's sure that it was one of the fake accounts that did something. Eric said he didn't do anything to scare her himself. Gary said he's sure that there's something he did that he doesn't see. Eric told Gary to go see his family in Chimpanzee. Robin had to explain the joke to Gary and Howard since they didn't get it. Eric told Gary to go support his relatives.
Gary said that he's not afraid to talk to Eric on the air but Diana is. Eric said he didn't do anything wrong. Howard asked if he called her at home. Eric said he doesn't have her number. Gary asked if he Direct Messaged her. Eric said no. He said he can't DM her if she's not following him. Gary said he knows if he did that. Eric said he knows he didn't because he never followed her. Howard asked what it is that freaked her out so much. Gary said they'll figure it out this week sometime. Howard said they can't have Eric on the air though.
Howard got back to Eric's stand-up act. He played more of the audio of Eric doing his thing on stage. They had to shush everyone in the audience. Eric asked who was going to see the Three Stooges movie. Howard said that's some opening line. Eric said if he lets it play then he'll see how it plays out. Eric says that they have Three Stooges there... Ronnie, Scott and Yucko. The audience cheered. Ronnie asked what was wrong with the audience. Howard said Ronnie has to use the F-word every few seconds on stage.
Howard played more of the clip and there was more coming from the audience than from Eric. Howard said the audience cheered him because of his affliction, not because that line was great. Eric said he thought the line was great. In the clip Eric asks if they saw the movie about Gary's relatives called ''Chimpanzees'' and the audience cheered again. Eric had a joke about a guy who died in a porn theater. He said his life came to a happy ending. Howard and Fred did their impressions of Eric delivering his lines. Howard said he has to be critical about the line about the happy ending. He said you get a happy ending in a massage parlor, not a porn theater. Eric said he got that line off of Leno. He said he changed the punch line though. Howard said he can't argue with that. Eric said Leno's line was that the guy suffered a stroke. Robin said that line might have been the one to go with.
Eric also had a joke about the guy who died after having his balls squeezed by a woman. He didn't come to a happy ending. Eric said he took that one from the Tonight Show too. Howard said he doesn't get that joke. Howard said maybe there's more to it. Howard played the clip but there wasn't more to it. Howard tried to figure out what the punch line was. He said he doesn't get it. He must be stupid.
Ronnie came in and said that Eric had a really weird move at the end of the show. He announced that he was going to charge $10 per picture if people wanted a shot with him. Eric said he had about 15 people who took pictures. Howard said he wanted to do some quick math and figure that out. He said he thinks that's $150. Ronnie said that he said it was going to a charity and Eric said the charity was his pocket. Eric said he has been battling people all weekend over that. He said he never said that.
Howard said you'd think that people would give him 10 bucks just to look at him. Ronnie said the next night he didn't charge anyone. He was taking shots with Yucko and he didn't want to cut him in on it. Howard said Eric has some major shit going on. He said his feet are going two different directions. Ronnie said Eric is cool though. He said he likes the guy.
Howard said Eric could make a fortune as a pan handler. Eric said he's never thought of doing that. Howard and Ronnie told him he should give it a try. He said he could make some good money doing that. Howard said he guarantees if he puts a cup in his lap he'd get some money. Ronnie said he saw one of the AGT acts hanging out down at Fisherman's Wharf. He said that's where Eric should go.
Gary said Eric acts like he's above that but he has a wish list online and it's basically the same thing. He said he's asking for free stuff online.
Howard said he thinks Eric would be a legend if he went out on the street. He said that he has a wheelchair but he could get a dolly like Eddie Murphy had in Trading Places. Howard said Eric could lay on his back on that thing and he'd make a fortune.
Ronnie said he saw that guy from AGT out there with a dog. He said the poor dog was out in the sun boiling. Howard said if anyone deserves to pan handle it's Eric. Howard said he has to get going. He told Eric that was a nice job on the stand-up. He said he'll try to get to the bottom of the Diana DeGarmo thing for him. Eric thanked him for that. Howard let him go.
Howard said Diana DeGarmo has a South Park character on her Twitter and it looks kind of like Eric. Howard said he has to take a break and talk more about this Ronnie's Block Party thing. He said he won't talk more about AGT even though there are articles about it in the paper today. He said they think that he and Howie are at each other's throats. He went to break after that.
Gary said he thinks Tim talked to him about it. Howard said he heard about a meeting Tim had and how they think he gained 10 pounds over vacation. Howard said some of the guys told him about that but none of them wanted to come forward to talk about it.
Gary said it was in the hall that they saw him eating. He said that he was eating cupcakes and other things. Howard said Tim has definitely gained some weight. Tim said he did walk by the cupcakes a few times. He said he's back on the program. Howard said he likes that Tim looks at Robin when he says he has to stop. Tim said he put on about 30 pounds and he has to get back on the program.
Howard said Tim has a habit of saying ''I says'' instead if ''I said'' so they put a montage of him saying that. Howard played the clip and they had Tim saying ''I says'' over and over. Then they had him laughing at the end.
Howard told Tim to just eat normal portions and be done. Robin said he won't stay on that plan either. Howard said he has to eat three meals. Howard asked what he had this morning. Tim said he had oatmeal. He said at lunch he'll have a salad. Howard told him to have a sandwich. Tim said no. Howard said he should get something that will fill him up. Howard told him to get his favorite meal. Tim said he likes chicken and rice. Howard said he can get that and then have something for dinner. Tim said he eats out of nervousness. Howard said he gets that but what does he want to eat. Tim said he'd like chicken, salad, seafood... Howard said he has to be lying to him now. Tim said he likes a little pasta too. Howard asked what he fantasizes about eating. Howard said if he was going to eat something he'd have spaghetti and a pizza. Tim said he likes pizza. Howard told him to have two slices and a salad. Robin said he won't stop eating. Howard said he has to cut down on the portions. Tim said he'll be down by June 1st. Tim said he had to get out of there. He said he has to have a meeting with Benjy.
Howard said they have pictures of Benjy up on the web site. He said he's not sure what it is even after Benjy wrote the explanation.
Benjy said they have a song coming out called Haters and they're working on a cover for it. Howard said Benjy's girlfriend looks good in a bikini. He said that's what he liked about the photos. Benjy said the pictures are about bullying and cyber-bullying. Robin said that doesn't make any sense at all.
Howard said he likes when they talk to Tim and he says he eats salad and oatmeal. Howard said that's not what he's eating. Gary said he keeps getting notes from people saying that Tim is eating the ruggala from the cupcake area on Wednesdays.
The caller said that she found Ralph to be odd in that special. Howard said Ralph asked if he could shoot the cover for Champion Magazine. Howard said he would be happy to do it. Howard said he went and did the shoot and Ralph was there assisting. Howard said the next thing he knows Ralph was taking pictures. He said he turned to him and asked what he was doing. Ralph said it was so cool from this direction. Howard said if he wanted to take the pictures then he should take them himself. Howard said he was competing with him. Howard said he told him he wasn't interested in that. Howard said he didn't know what was going on. He's really glad they're showing that episode now. Howard said there were times when he'd ask for his advice but he didn't want him doing as much as he was.
The caller said she thinks that Robin's The Chatter is really good from what she's seen. She said Will seems to be a really good producer. Robin said it gives her a chance to do something other than what she does. The caller asked if she could do it live. Robin said she hasn't had the time to think about doing it live. She's busy writing her book.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks that he's delusional with Benjy's girl. He said she's not that cute. Howard said she's very cute. The caller didn't think so. He thought Howard looked as good as her. Howard said he has to be kidding. The caller said he's not.
Howard said there's a lot going on with the AGT thing. He said an NBC guy asked him for a list of his favorite songs. Howard said he didn't know what to say. He said that they wanted it for some Spotify account. Howard said he thought about it and gave them Led Zeppelin Kashmir and things like that. Howard said he can't just do it in a few seconds. He said you have no time to think. Howard said he threw out Prince ''Purple Rain'' and some Beatles and Paul McCartney and things like that.
Howard said the song he should have said was Robin Trower's ''Bridge of Sighs.'' Robin didn't know that one. Fred played it for her. Howard said he played it at DC-101 like 5 times a morning. Robin said she wasn't there all the time for that. Howard said she was busy smoking cigarettes in the news room.
Robin said she thought Howard didn't like slow jam songs like that. Howard said he likes this one. Robin said this is good but she doesn't sit and listen to the stations that Howard does waiting to see who sang the song.
Howard said he was listening to Deep Tracks and Earl Bailey was doing the announcing. Howard said he wanted to see what he looks like but there are no pictures of him out there. He said he's done a good job of keeping himself hidden.
Howard said he's sure that people thought he was better looking than he really is when they only heard him on the air. Howard said this song really is good. He said it's like acid rock. He said he loves this song and it's one of his favorites. He said there's a song that has a similar vibe to it. He said it's that ''Lunatic Fringe'' song by Red Rider. Robin asked if they have to get into an extended lesson about this kind of music. Fred played ''Lunatic Fringe'' next. Howard said that there's always someone sitting in for Meg Griffin on that channel too. He said she must never come into work.
Howard let that song play and said he was offered like 5,000 TV appearances. He said he had to turn them down. Howard said they offered him an appearance on 30 Rock and Dateline and shows like that. Howard said it's enough as it is. He said he's doing The View on Thursday. He said that sometimes Whoopi gets an attitude. Robin said that they might talk over him. Howard said if they do that then he's going to walk off the show. Howard said he's friendly with Elisabeth a little bit. Howard asked if it would be wrong to bring up her ass.
Howard said he has decided that there's no way he's going to vote for Mitt Romney. He said the guy is such a douche. He said that he can't understand how a guy who got health insurance for the state of Massachusetts can go after Obama for trying to do the same thing for the whole country. He said it's absurd. Howard said the guy was also pro-choice but now he's against it. Howard said he should just shut the fuck up. Robin said she thought that it was a bogus thing but he's flip flopped on so many things that you don't know what he's going to do. Robin said a lot of people don't know what he really stands for.
Gary said one day Howard had to get out of there at 10 and Pete showed up late because he didn't know. Howard said he should have been there at 10 even if he had to sit around and read a magazine or something. Howard said if your job is 10-2 then you show up at 10. Howard said he only had to work for 4 hours and he got paid for it.
Gary said there were a lot of DJs who were upset that he'd go so long but then they'd see the ratings for their time slot and they were fine. Gary said Pete never complained.
Howard said Pete was a bad announcer and that gave him hope that he could be on the radio some day. Howard did his impression of Pete announcing and said he was horrible. Howard said the guy inspired him.
Howard said Pete was very natural and that's what was great about him. Gary said he was working on his 8th book too. Howard said Pete was respected by Meg because they were both really into music. Howard said he'd walk through the halls and Pete would tell him he was going to take a shot of Memory Hotel and Meg would be fascinated and he'd just laugh. Howard said Meg and Pete were both really into that stuff.
Howard said that Meg and Pete hated playing from a playlist. They wanted to play what they wanted to play. Howard said Meg left to go play at Fordham University. Howard said that way she could play whatever she wanted. Howard did his impression of Pete during that discussion. He was goofing on him for a few minutes about that.
Gary said he wanted to tell a quick story about Pete. Gary said that he was in a class with Pete as his professor. He said Pete took them to WNEW and Scott Muni had freaked out on all of them. Gary said they got to meet some of the DJs there. Gary said that Scott came to the conference room and he may have been drinking. He said one of the kids put his hand up and said ''In my experience...'' and Scott cut him off saying ''Stop! You don't have any experience...'' Gary said Pete remembered the story when he brought it up to him on the air once.
Howard said Pete was a very sweet guy and he'll miss him. He said he was only 66 years old. Howard said it's good he went and didn't end up as one of those guys who can only blink his eyes. Howard said that's the kind of person who should be able to commit suicide.
Howard said he was having sex and he had his foot cramp up and curl up for no reason at all. He said he figured he had MS or something. He said he was thinking about how George Takei's feet curled up like that. He said that Steven Tyler had it too. Gary said George got it from running. Howard said he runs too. He said George is insane thinking that came from running.
Robin read about some of the people who Pete gave exposure to. Howard said he bets none of them showed up to his funeral either. Robin said he gave exposure to Buffalo Springfield and Poco. Howard said Poco is the worst band ever. He said he didn't like that band at all. Howard did his impression of Pete talking about Poco.
Robin said that Pete also did one of the first interviews in America with Elton John. Howard said Pete probably knew everything about him.
Robin read about some of the other things that Pete did in his career. Gary said that he discovered Suzanne Vega too. Howard said that would make sense. He said it makes sense that she was a fan of Pete's and she wrote him a letter.
Howard said he didn't know Pete all that well but he did talk to him. He said that he loved working with the guy at the station. He said he was a good dude and a talented guy. He said he knew everything about rock like Meg did.
Howard goofed on Pete a little bit about the way he used to do themes with blocks of songs. Gary said that they quoted Howard in the paper and said that he once called Pete the Anti-Stern. Howard said he never said that. Gary said he may have said it like 20 years ago on the air or something.
Scott said that's what happened with them too. He said they got into the fight and they expected a huge crowd there. Scott said he got good seats but his producer and Jim McClure ended up in the back row.
Howard said he heard that Carmen Electra was out there and they had a wrap party for AGT and things like that going on out there too. He said that there was so much going on and all he wanted to do was go to his hotel room. Scott said that's lame.
Scott told Howard about the Mayweather fight and how this Cotto guy was giving him fits through the fight. He said they were all thinking that he was going to take the fight. He said he thought that it was going to be a split decision. He said he thinks that they all conspired to give Mayweather the win.
Scott told Howard some other stories about hanging out in Vegas. He said he wishes that Howard had come out to the fight. Howard said Nick Cannon was a fighter. Scott said he doesn't know him that well but Nick seems to like Howard a lot. He said that he's a big fan. Scott said he was totally sober out there and it was an eye opener to see how wasted people get out there. Howard said Scott will be on tonight and he'll fill everyone in on all of those stories. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said he knows he can listen to Scott and find out all of the stuff that went on out there. Howard said you gotta love that guy. Howard said he heard Scott was out in Vegas and he wondered who was paying for that.
Howard said the guy who took over for Huff is this guy who has been writing the column for years in the Daily News. Robin didn't know who it was. Howard asked Robin what his name is. Robin said she's embarrassed because she knows Howard doesn't know it either. Howard said he wants to see how long it takes Robin to figure it out. Robin said it's David Hinckley. Howard said that's right.
Howard said Sal and Richard went down to Occupy Wall Street which is still going on. Howard said you hardly hear about it anymore. Howard said you have to hear the horrible music playing in the background behind this woman. Howard said there's an all woman's drum group or something playing behind this one woman.
Howard played the audio and Sal was asking what they're protesting today. The woman said ''the way people live now'' and they kept asking over and over getting the same answer. The woman would give them an answer and they'd ask her to repeat it over and over. The drums being played were so loud it was hard to hear her.
Howard did an impression of what that sounded like to him. He was banging on his desk like a drum. Howard played more of the audio and introduced it as if he were Pete Fornatale.
Howard said he was all for protesting. He said that he didn't want to go to war when he was near draft age. Howard spent a minute on that and then got back to the Sal and Richard stuff. Sal and Richard kept asking the woman to repeat herself because they couldn't hear her. She was coming through perfectly clear.
Howard said it sounded like they were playing the Raiders of the Lost Ark theme song. Robin said they actually were. Howard said the band is horrible. He said it's like kindergarten down there. Robin said Howard would have been out there protesting too. Howard said if he was in college and wanted to get laid he would.
Howard said that there was a poetry slam at the Occupy Wall Street thing. They brought Ronnie's poem ''Winter'' there. Howard played some of the audio of that poetry slam thing. Sal and Richard read the poem saying it was for the protest. Ronnie's poem went like this...
Winter is when there are no leaves on the trees.
Winter is when we say goodbye to the birds and the bees.
Winter is when is when we get an extra hour of Z's.
Winter is when a red suited man brings us all lots of glee.
Winter is when the snow falls and we yell happy new year.
Winter is when you turn a special girl or guy's heart bright red with cheer until next year.
Winter goes away when the birds and the trees and the birds and the bees go back to where they should be. Winter spring.
After reading the poem they asked someone what he thought about it. The guy said he would rather not comment on it. One woman said she was waiting for something to be brought up about the protest. She said she did appreciate their effort though. Howard said everything is positive down there.
Howard said there was a whole thing going on down there. He said he could listen to it all day. Howard played some audio of this guy talking through his mask. He had a Guy Fox mask on. Sal and Richard asked him to explain that. Howard did his impression of the guy talking through the mask. Howard said he's only taken two breaks and the show is almost over. Fred said it's only been one break. Howard said they don't have enough time to get to everything he wants to get to. They went to break after that.
Howard read about the funeral and how Larry King gave a eulogy. Howard said he'd bet that Dick would be upset about the whole thing if he saw who showed up. Howard said Marie Osmond got up and spoke too. He said that Paul Anka sang at the funeral. Stevie Wonder did a little bit too.
Howard said he had an article in the paper about him and Howie Mandel. He said they say they're having a feud. Howard said this is totally outrageous and it's not true as far as he knows. Howard said he was hanging out with Howie the whole weekend so he's not sure where they get this from. Howard said they say they're feuding over the limelight. They say that Howie is upset that he's on the show taking the spotlight from him. Howard said Howie is really not diva-like.
Howard said he can tell that everyone likes him better than Piers but no one will admit it. Howard said they just look at him when he asks if it's better with him. Gary said they may not tell it to Howard but they say it to other people. Howard said everyone is very diplomatic there. He said they might like the guy and they don't have anything bad to say about the guy.
Howard said they say in the article that Howie thinks he's not trying hard but he's getting all of the attention. Howard said Howie actually laughs at how hard he's trying. Howard said they say the set has turned into a war zone but that's really not the case. Robin said that's not what she saw there.
Howard said he's sure that it was hard for her not having him as her husband. Howard said he feels bad for any woman not married to him. Howard said Beth told him last night that he's a really great guy.
Howard said he has a game to play with the caller. The guy, Balls, was playing for $500. Gary said they have a game where they talk to Debbie the Cum Lady and ask her what kind of cum she would eat. Gary said they have a game where they have to guess if Gary the Retard can come up with a word for a letter in the alphabet. They also have a game where they have to guess what's taller than Eric the Midget.
Robin said she wants to play the Gary the Retard game. She said the Debbie the Cum Lady is disgusting. Howard said he wants to play that game.
Howard said this is a game he's going to pitch to NBC. Howard said he'll play a test question first. Howard played the question that Richard asked. He asked if she would eat human cum that came out of a horse's ass. Debbie said she can't do that.
Howard played the question for Balls and they asked if she would eat cum out of a toilet filled with piss. Howard said if Balls gets this one correct then he wins. Robin said this is all up to Balls. Howard said they might go to a lifeline. Howard said he has selected Fred. Fred said he thinks she'd do the cum from the toilet. He said his instincts may be way off. Balls went with Fred anyway. Debbie's answer was ''If I could strain it out of the urine then I would.'' Robin didn't think that was a yes. Howard said he's going to give it to Balls. Balls said he's going to take the money and go see Bibi Jones in October. He saw her this weekend in Pittsburgh. Howard put balls on hold and said he's a lovely man. He went to break after that.
Howard said that Scott got the blame for one of the planes they were on having a fuel pump problem. Howard said Ronnie and Shuli conspired against Scott at some point. Howard said they had this bus they were driving on and they blamed Scott when they had it fake break down. Gary said there's a lot of tension out there in the halls.
Howard said Scott had prepared some comedy for the block party and he admired him for doing that. He said he told him to do something other than stand there and he went out and attempted to do the act. He said that he got booed and Ronnie walked out in the middle of it. Shuli said he never told them that he was going to do it. He said that Scott just comes out and says hello usually. He said this time he just did the act without telling them.
Howard said Scott got insulted that Ronnie walked out in the middle of it and Scott went back stage and blew up. He was upset that they interrupted his set. Howard said Mike Gange was interviewing him and Scott ended up quitting in the middle of the show. Shuli said he introduced Ronnie and then slammed the microphone down. He said they were kidding around before the show. He said their promoter, Sequoia, told him to do his comedy at the end of the show. He said Scott was insulted and he wanted to be on in the beginning. Shuli said Scott got pissed so they just went with it.
Ronnie said they had this cool bus out there and Scott asked why they needed that, they could have had a limo instead. Ronnie said he thinks that he might have been jealous. Shuli said their promoter hooked them up with that. He said it was really nice too. Shuli said everyone did well this weekend. He said he dropped a check in this guy's hand and it's worth way more than the work he puts into it. Shuli said that the guys at Cleanbox Entertainment called and said that Scott was asking for a breakdown of expenses out there. Shuli said Scott came to him and asked to see the expenses. Shuli said Scott thinks that he can help him cut back on expenses. Shuli said he told him to just take the money and shut up.
Howard said he heard that Scott thinks that he wouldn't sell out a show without him and Ronnie. Shuli said that's the other thing. He said Scott has to push one button to start the show. He said he wasn't able to make that happen. He said it took a minute of silence to start the show.
Shuli said Eli Braden came out and did some songs and they had the audience in their hands. Then Scott comes out and starts doing his comedy and the audience was lost. He said it was like Thunderdome out there.
Howard had the audio of Scott doing his comedy at the block party. Howard said they've had all of these issues with the plane and the fake breakdown of the bus. Shuli said all they do is bust balls on this tour so he should be used to it. Ronnie said Scott was going to pull a prank on him this morning. He said he was going to lock him out of his studio because he's mad. He said he went downstairs and his breakfast was gone. He said he got pissed because he doesn't like anyone touching his food. Then Scott says ''He can dish it out but he can't take it.'' He said when he steps on Scott's egg sandwich tomorrow then they'll see how that goes.
Howard played the audio of Scott doing his ''comedy.'' In the clip Scott was talking about what happened on the Stern Show and the gay stuff that was happening on the show. The audience turned on him and started booing him pretty quick. Howard said he was proud of him for actually doing something.
Scott came in when he heard Howard complimenting him. Scott said he wanted to tell the truth instead of the fiction. He said that the plane was fine and the bus prank was fine. He said the bus was 60 years old and it was rocking all over the place. He said that he had someone help him with his comedy act. He said he didn't tell them he was going to do it the first time. He said he wanted to surprise them with doing something. Shuli said he should have told him what he was going to do.
Scott said he went to Shuli and said he wouldn't continue it if he didn't want him to. Shuli told him it was fine. Scott said he knew they were fucking with him too and he wanted to fuck with them the way they fuck with him. He said this was in between shows. He said they were fucking with him right before the second show and he went to the room and locked himself in. He said he wanted to do the best he could for the show. Shuli cracked up. He said all he does is put money in his pocket every weekend and he gives him this.
Scott said on Thursday last week Shuli knew they had to fly out and he didn't ask for the day off until that week. Shuli said that he had to work and he had to change his flight. Shuli said if Scott didn't show up the show went on. If he doesn't show up then the show doesn't go on.
Scott said he had health issues to deal with and he wasn't able to make it to those Chicago shows. Scott said he was keeping it private. He said Ronnie found out about it after. Shuli thanked him for lying to him at first and now telling him the truth.
Scott said he's going to show who the liar is there. Scott said it was his idea to get this show out there. Shuli said he wants to hear what he created. Shuli said he came to Ronnie and Scott and asked if they wanted to do a show together. He said that they agreed upon a fee. He said that Shuli came to them and said they should cut the money down. They lost some money on the first 5 shows they did. Scott said he agreed to that. He said as they did more shows they'd raise what they were making. He said they offered to pay him a flat fee for his future shows. Scott said he wasn't going to do that. He said after last weekend he came to find out that Shuli is taking more than everyone else. He said he's not telling them about that either. Shuli said he makes more than Scott. He said he will continue to make more than him. Scott said that's being dishonest. Shuli said it is not.
Scott said that he and Ronnie could do the show without Shuli and get any two bit comedian to do the show. Howard said that's an insult. Scott said they do nothing but insult him so he's going to give it to them.
Howard said Shuli does organize the show. Scott said that the expenses are out of control. Shuli told him that he should tell Howard what he made this weekend. Scott said he's not going to say. Howard said he'd like to know. Shuli said he wants them to know what he's making. Scott said he made $2,500. Shuli said Scott is done. Ronnie said he takes his money and walks away. Shuli said he doesn't want the headaches with Scott.
Howard said this reminds him of a group called The Beatles. Ronnie said he does these shows and has no idea what they spend. He said he doesn't give a fuck what they spend. He said he makes a nice paycheck and goes home with the money. Scott said he should care because his name is on it. Ronnie said the whole bus thing was building up a whole brand. Shuli said Scott is counting everyone's money.
Howard asked who owns the ''block party'' name. Shuli said that Scott is free to do his own block party if he wants to. Howard asked if Shuli has the right to fire him. Scott said that he's just trying to look out for everyone's interest.
Ronnie said they all started it together and he's fine with that. He said that Howard was fine with it too. Howard said he's not behind this at all. He said this is an embarrassment to him. He said they're charging his fans to do the shittiest show ever.
Ronnie said he doest' give a shit about an extra 50 bucks or 200 bucks. He said that everyone loved the bus. He said Scott gets upset and wants to see the expense reports. He asked Scott why he gives a shit. Howard said they're right in a way. He said Jackie was like that with the syndication. Ronnie said Shuli is the headliner and he deserves more. Ronnie said he got $4,000 this weekend. Howard asked if he really did. Ronnie said he didn't but Scott will never know the truth.
Howard told Scott that he just got $2,500 for doing almost nothing. He said he could go out and take a shit on stage and he'd still get that check. Howard said that he got more money than he'd ever have. He said if they came to him and told him to put together an hour long act... Scott said he's not a comedian. Howard said he knows that. He said that the reality is that no one cares about him or wants to pay to see him but they gave him $2,500 to show up. Howard said he would start singing and dancing if they offered him money to do that. Howard said that's what he used to tell Jackie. Jackie was making millions and he couldn't let go that he was making more than him. Howard said it was great that Jackie was there and he wasn't even busting his balls. Howard said he was only looking at what everyone else was making.
Shuli said that Scott is the one who lied to them first. He said that he's done with Scott. He said that he's not going to keep going with him. He said after they do their Toronto show he's done.
Scott said he was doing a prank when he quit the show. He said he gets anxiety when he goes out on stage. He said they had to prank him right before he went on and he had to come back with something.
Howard asked Ronnie if Scott is with the show or not. Ronnie said he told Scott that Shuli wanted to get rid of him a long time ago. He said he told Shuli he didn't think that was a good idea. He said it was the three of them that started it. He said he would like Scott to stay but if he's not happy then he can leave. Scott said he never said he wanted to leave. He said that thing he did on stage was not real. Shuli said he's doing the same thing he did with the Chicago shows. He said he should be honest about it.
Howard asked Shuli if Scott is out or not. Scott said he was curious about the finances and he asked to see what was going on. That's all he did. Howard said Howard TV is going to have coverage of all of this on Howard TV.
Speech Impediment Man called in and said that Scott fucked his whole set up in Philly. He said that no one cares about Scott. He said he could do a better job than Scott. He said he'll do it for a quarter of what Scott makes. Shuli said Speech will do it for a quarter.
Ronnie said that there are two answers for this. Ronnie said he could take his name off the whole thing and walk away too. He said he can't take the turmoil from all of this. He said if Scott wants to be on the tour then he should be on. Howard asked if he wants him on it. Ronnie said he does if Scott wants to be on it. Ronnie said he'll continue to be pranked or he'll quit on his own. He said he's welcome to stay if he wants to stay.
Howard played some audio of Scott talking to Mike Gange about not wanting to be on the show anymore. He said he's done with this. He said that the show is nothing without him and Ronnie. He said that he's done with them and he doesn't want to be fucked with anymore. He kept saying that he's done with them and now he can go sell 5 tickets without him. He said he did a show with Florentine and only sold 80 tickets. He said he'll sell 5 tickets without him and Ronnie. Scott kept saying that he's done with them, over and over and over. Scott said he's done with Ronnie too.
Ronnie said that really sounds like a joke, doesn't it? Howard said that was real anger. Scott said he was angry but he did go on stage and threw the microphone down. Scott said that was a prank too. Shuli said he was feeling bad until he heard that tape. He said that he's done with him. He said he can't stand someone who doesn't appreciate what he gets. He said Scott wasn't going to go on stage last and he refused to accept that.
Howard had some audio of Sequoia talking to Scott about doing his comedy after Shuli. Scott said he wasn't going to go on after Shuli. He said he's not the headliner. Scott said that no one is watching out for them but it shows the Howard logo on the web site. Shuli asked when he printed that out. Scott said he did it yesterday. Shuli said that they all know that Howard's name doesn't go on any advertising. He said they took it down the day Scott found it. He said Scott has no leg to stand on.
Scott said he's watching out for them and that's what he's trying to point out. Shuli said this is why he can't work with this man. He said he can't stomach giving him that amount of money when he's not worth it. Howard said he should be quiet and just take the money. Shuli said he was on the bottom of the totem pole when he was on the last tour they did. Shuli said that Scott isn't coming to Toronto which is their next gig.
Howard played some more tape of Shuli and Scott talking about doing the shows. Scott brought up how he and Ronnie are the ones selling tickets for these shows. Howard said this was going on during the show. Howard said you know the show back stage is 50 times more entertaining than the show on stage.
Howard asked Gange what he wanted to add to this. Scott said that Gange had a presidential suite out there. Gange said they had to shoot some stuff in the room there. That's why he had the big room. Gange said that Ronnie and Scott were on stage kicking a stool back and forth at each other on stage for like 5 minutes.
Howard asked Gange what they shot in that big room. Gange said they shot a green screen thing with Eric the Actor. He said he absolutely shot it in that suite. Gange said that they had to do that or rent a conference room. Ronnie said they fit Eric in the bus. Howard said this is too much for him.
Gange said that Scott should be on the shows just for this stuff. Howard asked Shuli if he's off the shows. Shuli said he's done. He's not going to have Ronnie at the shows anymore.
Scott said he had a great time out there. He said he's fine if they want to fire him. Howard asked how they're going to work this out. Shuli said the only way Scott is staying on the show is if he goes to the flat fee. Scott said he's changing it up again. Scott said he needs more details about the flat fee. Scott said he'll think about it. Shuli said the deal is off the table then. Scott asked who made him the boss. Ronnie said that he does book the comedians. He said Sequoia is the one who books the gigs and he gets paid too. He said he thinks Scott is bothered by that too. Scott said he does a good job and he's not upset about that.
Scott said he's not sure if Shuli is being serious now. Shuli said he's sick of hearing the constant complaining. Shuli said that he's an engineer and he can't figure out how to cue his own music up. He said they have a state of the art sound system out there and he wasn't able to make it work.
Howard said they're out of time with this. He said he thinks that they should end this whole thing and stay out of each other's business. Howard said he's fine with them going out and doing it but he wants no part of it. Howard said there is no sanity there. Shuli asked if he's the asshole. Howard said no. He said one of them is but it's not Shuli.
Howard asked what Scott's big heath issue is. Scott said he has neuropathy in his legs. He said he's being treated for it. He said that he's had MRIs done and it was scary. He said he wasn't able to travel that one weekend. Scott said it's from a B-12 deficiency. Ronnie told him that if he just calmed down he wouldn't have these problems.
Howard told Scott he has to think about this. He said Shuli is right. He said he's getting this money for doing nothing. He said Scott is boring and he doesn't mean that in a bad way. Howard said that he's going to be on stage for 30 seconds and he gets paid $2,500. All he has to do is show up. He said he just has to be the sad sack he is. That's his act. Shuli said they have a lot of gigs booked and they have a lot of people who want them. Howard said he has to stop for a minute. Howard said Scott has this situation where he has people organizing a show where he just stands there doing nothing and getting $2,500 for it. He said even if the others are making a fortune, he's still getting paid to do nothing.
Howard asked who cares what the rest of them are making. Howard said if he told Tracey that she was going to get that kind of money, she'd be happy. Howard told Scott not to worry about what everyone else is making. Just be happy with what he's getting. Howard said that's what he told Jackie. Howard said Jackie ended up quitting.
Howard said he has a story about AGT that he could tell but he's not going to tell anyone. He said Ronnie was involved in it and there was a fist fight going on. Howard said that he can't talk about it because Judd Apatow has said that he talks too much about AGT so he's not talking about it. Howard said it's the greatest story every but he won't talk about it. Howard said he's going to talk about Scott's B-12 deficiency instead.
Gary asked Scott about how he told the guys about not being able to do the Chicago shows but then doing shows after telling them he couldn't do that. Scott said he did but that had nothing to do with why he canceled out of those shows. Howard said he really has to get out of this.
Ronnie is still up for doing the shows. Howard asked if Scott can walk away. Scott said he just wanted things to be fair. Robin said it's not fair that Scott is on stage. Shuli said she's right. Howard said they have to do this on the Wrap Up Show. He said he has to get done and get out of there.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him to please move on. Howard said he's trying. He went into a live commercial and then a commercial break.
Howard had Robin start her news after Fred played her into it with a song parody. Robin read about Nadya Suleman and what she's up to lately.
Robin had a story about Ted Nugent who was being interviewed and said that if they could find something on him about not being a nice guy then he'd suck their dick. Robin said that Ted is claiming that he had a kidney stone and that's what was making him so animated on that show. He also apologized to the people at the show after his wife urged him to do so. Howard said they challenged him on being a moderate or not. That's apparently what set him off that day.
Robin read about this guy Bob Stewart who was the creator of some game shows. Robin said he created the $25,000 pyramid. Robin said that Bob is dead. Howard said he hated that $25,000 Pyramid. He said it's too complicated. He said game shows should be simple. Robin said the guy was 91 years old and he died on Friday.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he would rather have Goober or Gomer's career. Howard said he'd take Gomer's. He said that he could sing. Howard said Gomer got that Louann Poovy chick. Howard said he could sing and he had a super power with that singing. Howard said he was a douche until he sang. Robin said that Gomer Pyle had a huge estate in Hawaii. The caller said that Goober did okay too. Howard said Gomer had a better career though.
Robin read about George Lindsey since they were on that story. Robin said he played Goober Pyle on the Andy Griffith show. Robin said he was 83 years old. Robin had some audio of him from the Andy Griffith show. Robin said that he and Andy stayed friends for years after doing the show. Robin said that he just spoke to him a week ago and they were able to say ''I love you'' to each other. Howard said he enjoyed that guy many years ago. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read about Adam Yauch from the Beastie Boys dying. Howard said they were like the worst guests on his show ever. Howard said they wouldn't answer any questions and they would just repeat ''sneaky pouch'' over and over when he'd ask a question. Howard said he liked their music though. He said he liked that song ''Intergalactic.'' He liked ''No Sleep Til Brooklyn'' and ''You Gotta Fight For Your Right To Party'' song too. Fred played some examples of those songs.
Howard said he heard that Sal is upset about the guy dying and he was crying. Gary said he spoke to Sal about it earlier today and he was fine. Then the camera was on and he started to cry. Sal came in and said he was the President of their fan club for a while. He said that Adam was a really good guy and he was against abusing women and things like that. Howard asked if he sent him a recipe too. Sal said he did. He said Adam printed it out too. He said Adam liked it and he put it in his magazine. Sal spoke to Adam on the phone too. He said he won't play into Gary's whole stupid thing and cry now. He was getting upset though.
Sal said he once snuck back stage as a FedEx guy to meet him. Howard said he would have killed himself if that was his M.O.
Robin had some audio of Adam announcing that he had cancer a while back. He said that it was localized in that one area. Robin said it was salivary gland cancer. Robin said he fought it for 3 years. She said it's pretty rare to have it too. Howard asked Robin if he chewed tobacco. Robin said she's not sure. Robin said the cancer is so rare that they don't even know what causes it.
Robin read about the French election and how they elected a new President over there. Robin gave some details about that.
Robin read about a fundraiser that George Clooney is holding for President Obama. Robin said they say it might break records by raising at least $12 million.
Howard took a call from a guy who was trying to make a joke about him being Judge Barbara Kapnick's bitch. Howard didn't get the joke at first. He had to explain what the guy was talking about. The caller was also asking about why he tweeted out the picture of his feet in Las Vegas. Howard said that's what Beth did. He ended up hanging up on the guy and goofed on how he was laughing at his own stupid joke. Howard said if you have a joke then you should get the name right and speak coherently so he doesn't have to interpret it for the audience.
Howard said he got a note saying that Wendy the Retard left a message saying she's going to rob a bank if they don't send her money soon. Robin said she'd like to see that so don't send her any.
Robin had some audio of Vice President Joe Biden talking about how comfortable he is with men marrying men and women marrying women. Howard said he's glad he's come around.
Robin read about Mitt Romney and how he has to pick a running mate now. Robin said that Senator John McCain is giving some advice. Howard said he's the guy who ran with Sarah Palin. Robin had some audio of McCain talking about how he has to pick the right person to take his place just in case he's not able to go on. Howard said McCain acts like he doesn't remember what went down. He said he didn't even ask her if she knew who Osama bin Laden is. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read about an American in Pakistan who was kidnapped and is now asking for help from President Obama. Robin said that the guy is an elderly man who has said he's being cared for at this point.
Robin read about Vladimir Putin getting back into office. Howard was still on the Pakistan story and how he can't believe a guy named Weinstein went to Pakistan. Howard said you just can't do that. He said they hate Jews even more than American's do.
Robin read about how The Avengers did at the box office. Robin had a clip from the movie that she had Howard play. Robin said it made over $200 million this weekend in the U.S. alone. Robin said it's over $600 million internationally. They wrapped up and ended the show aroudn 10:35am.
Sal said Gary brings in stuff to them in the morning and he says good morning. He said Gary asked if he was going to sit shiva for his friend. Sal said what offended him was that he said he was completely cold on the whole thing. He said he didn't sit down and talk to him about it. He said it was a 2 second interaction. Sal said Lisa G came in and started talking to him about it and he got choked up. He said Gary was only there for 2 seconds, the camera was there for 20 minutes. He got choked up talking about it during that 20 minute interview.
Jon asked Sal if he can see how someone could arrive at that crying on camera thing. Sal said he can see it. Benjy asked if Jon has ever cried about anyone. Jon said he has but he wasn't able to come up with a name.
Gary came in and said he only knows what people tell him. He said he just cracked a joke about paying a shiva visit. He said Sal isn't his window. He said he was just breaking his balls. Sal said he knee jerked it. He said he knows he did.
Sal said he was avoiding the TV and radio and he didn't want to hear the news. Gary said he should watch the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame because they knew he was going to die. He said that made it even more sad.
Sal said they grew up with the Beastie Boys. He said they all matured the same as they were growing up. He said they changed with their fans and they were able to keep it together too. He said that they were a lot like this show. He said they had a serious side but they also joked aroudn a lot. Sal said he was G Man and also Cool the Candy Rapper so he was influenced by them.
Gary said Sal stalked them too. He said Sal went back stage dressed up as a FedEx guy. Sal said that Adam gave him a big hug and that's what led to him giving him the recipe and all of that. Gary said that any other fan would have sent it to their manager.
Sal said he gave Adam a black, Hondo guitar because Adam had said he smashed one he had when he was a kid. He said he got that right to him personally. Sal said he used to be on the Prodigy bulletin boards and he self elected himself as the president of the Beastie Revolution group. Gary said he thought it was something that you could count but he was self appointed. Sal said that he was the first one on the land of the Beastie Boys fan club. He said he got to do a bunch of things with the band because he was the president of that club. He said after their album ''Ill Communication'' came out he kind of phased out. He said he will always be a big fan of theirs though.
Jon asked Sal what got to him that made him tear up. Sal said that he was turned on to Howard and the Beastie Boys in 1987 and they were his two little escapes. He said that he was in his own little world and that's what kept him sane. Gary said that Sal also stalked them and he eventually got hired because of that. Sal said he'd never hurt anyone and no court orders have ever been filed against him.
Gary said he thought Sal was a nut and he never knew for sure he was safe. He said he had to get to know him to find out that he was a nice guy. They spent another minute on that and then went to break.
Scott said the prank was telling him that he was going to go last after Shuli at the comedy show. He said that was the prank, telling him to go on last. Scott said they were just trying to get him mad.
Jon asked if he's fired or not. Scott said as far as he knows, he is. Jon said he thought he was part of the team. Scott said that Ronnie and Shuli are making decisions without him. Ronnie said that they got $2,600 this weekend. He said that they have a promoter that handles all of this shit. He said they don't have to worry about this stuff. He said they can just take the money and go home. Jon asked Scott why he can't do that. Scott said he's anal so he can't do it that way.
Gary said that the work load isn't the way it started. Scott said that they worked that stuff out. Shuli came in and argued with Scott again. He said that he's not sure why Scott tried to throw him under the bus with that piece of paper that he showed to Howard. Shuli said he's busy trying to get a second and third mic and he doesn't have time to look over that stuff. He said Scott sees all of this stuff going on. Scott said that's the promoter's job. Shuli asked what his job is and when he's going to start doing it.
Jon asked Scott if he feels he's being ripped off. Scott said he's not but he thinks some things could be handled better. Gary asked how much more he thinks he could see per gig if he ran it. Scott said that's not what he was trying to figure out. He said he was just looking for ways to cut back on the expenses.
Shuli said the way Scott went about this shows that he doesn't trust the people he works with. He said Scott just said he doesn't know how to save the money but he wanted to look at the reports anyway.
Benjy asked who can see the expense reports. Shuli said anyone can see it. He said he has seen it so he knows what he makes so he knows what to pay everyone.
Benjy said it sounds like it used to be a partnership. Shuli said there is no partnership. Gary said it seems to him that three guys got together and agreed to go out on the road. Someone has to run it and Shuli seems to be the guy doing that.
Shuli said that Scott is his own worst enemy. He said his biggest problem with him is that he can't appreciate for a second what he's getting. He said he gets what he gets and he still thinks there should be more coming to him. He said that's disgusting to him. Scott said he's doing it for them, not just himself. Shuli said he doesn't believe that it's for them, it's just for Scott.
Gary said that if they got Jim Florentine to go out on the road with them then they might not hear stuff on the radio because people wouldn't hear this stuff going on. Jon said that Scott is fired so he could do it. Scott said he wont do it alone. Shuli said the ball busting and pranking they do helps sell tickets.
Jon said it seems like the ball breaking has gone too far. Shuli said it's not even there. He said when he would tour with Florentine and the other guys they were doing even bigger pranks. He said none of that is going on now. He said that they used to shove Beetlejuice half naked smoking a cigarette into someone's room.
Ralph called in and said that he thinks Ronnie wants Scott to be like him. He said Ronnie doesn't care where he is or what he's doing. He said Scott cares. He said Ronnie is less high maintenance. He said they have to respect Scott too. He said they can't just dismiss him. Gary said they don't have to respect him, they can decide if they want to work with him or not.
Shuli said that it's not easy to get a show going like this. He said having a successful tour is hard to find and they should just roll with it. He said that Scott knows there is bigger stuff to come but Scott can't just go with it.
Shuli said he had one complaint at the Chicago show. He said a guy said that he wanted to see a train wreck and he didn't see one without Scott there.
Jon asked Scott about his B-12 deficiency and what's up with that. Scott said he had some problems and they did some tests and found nothing but his B-12 being deficient.
Shuli asked Scott about the conversation they had and why he told him something other than what it was. Scott said he didn't want to lie to him. He said he wanted to protect his health issue. Gary said that he could have trusted these two. He said that they could see right through the lie. Scott said he wasn't comfortable telling them. Shuli asked why he made up the cousin's wedding story then. Scott said it was personal and he didn't want anyone to know what was going on. Ronnie said that Scott's wife told him the whole thing but it was after the fact. Scott said he can't explain the whole thing.
Jon asked what the B-12 thing is doing to him. Scott said he gets cramped legs if he sits too long. Gary said Scott thought he had MS. He asked why he continued doing shows if he thought his health was in danger. Scott said it's very uncomfortable to travel and he was hoping that the treatments would help.
Shuli said he would respect him more if he came out and just said that it was the money he wasn't happy with. Scott said he wants them all to make more money. He said the money is great but he'd like to see everyone make more. Shuli asked if he thinks he should have gotten more for what he did. Scott said it was a good amount.
Jon asked Scott if he thinks Shuli should be paid more than him. Scott wouldn't say yes or no. Scott eventually said he does think that he should be paid more. Scott said he's not explain this clearly. He said they had an agreement. Ronnie said that they made more than Shuli on the first few shows. Shuli said he doesn't throw it in his face like Scott throws it in his face.
Gary said that Shuli is sort of running the show based on that story. Shuli said that it was more than one show that he took less on. He said Scott and Ronnie were making good money from the start. He said he didn't take a cut on the first 3 or 4 shows. Jon said they have to take another break.
After the break Jon got back to Scott and asked him if he thinks that Shuli should make more than him. Scott said they had an agreement to make a certain amount to split. He said that he's not sure why it changed without him knowing. Gary said he has a guess. He said that if you see a guy doing the bulk of the work then you should expect it. Shuli said he's doing an hour on stage. Scott said it's not an hour. Shuli said he gets to a point when he's almost feeling bad for him but then he says something like that and he loses it again.
Gary said that it's not just a numbers game. He said that Shuli is carrying the workload on stage. Scott said he's going back to the agreement. Shuli said Scott just can't answer it.
Jon asked Scott again if he thinks Shuli should make more than him. Scott said yes. Gary asked if he would do the show with the agreement that Shuli threw at him with the flat fee. Scott said no. Shuli said this is what Scott is all about. He said he's going to walk away from this for $500 less than he made this weekend. He's walking away from thousands of dollars.
Scott said ''those guys'' changed the agreement. Ronnie said he gets a check and he just takes it and goes home. He said he doesn't care like Scott does. He said they aren't partners and there never was one. He said they just threw this thing together.
Benjy said it sounds like they had an agreement to split the money. Shuli said there never was an agreement like that. He's not sure why they're giving him shit. Scott said they had this agreement to do these shows for a certain amount.
Scott, Ronnie and Shuli were still arguing as the end of the show music started playing. Shuli said that they still have to work some things out so he's not sure if Scott is in or out. They were done at 11:30am.
Howard started the show talking about how he's been up since 2 in the morning. He said he's fucked up from being out in Las Vegas. Howard said he told them at America's Got Talent that he needed 2 days to recover but they didn't listen. Howard said he went to bed at 8:30 last night after watching Game of Thrones. Howard said it seems that they're winding down with the nudity but that's a cool part of the show. Howard said they have to keep that going.
Howard said after the first season they seemed to have taken the nudity out a little bit. Howard said he liked it when the Khaleesi was naked. Robin said they're already in the can so they can't change that now.
Howard said his own Khaleesi was on Ellen yesterday. He said she showed a picture of a seal that he took. He said they hang out on the beach where they live so he had a picture of one. Howard said she told a story to Ellen about how he thanked the seal. Howard said he thanked it like he was Yoko Ono. He said he thought something was wrong with it but when he called to report it they told him it was fine. Howard said he had never seen a seal up close before so he went out to take some pictures. Howard said they're pretty big. Howard said he was kind of alone with it and the seal came out and just sat there posing for him. He said he took some shots and it was waving at him. He said he went home and then thought about it and went back to thank the seal. He said he has no friends so he went back to thank it for coming back out of the water and posing for him. He thought it was very sweet of the seal to do that.
Robin said she has to see video of him doing these things. Howard said no one would believe it. Howard said he turned aroudn and looked back at the seal and it eventually went back into the ocean. He said he wanted to make sure it was alright. Howard said it was alone and he was concerned that people with dogs might attack it. Howard said he saw some people walking aroudn it. He told some people to put their dogs on leashes to make sure the seal didn't kill their dogs.
Howard said Beth was promoting her new TV show that premieres on Saturday. He said she was good on Ellen. Howard said Ellen was very nice to her. It was very relaxed. Howard said Beth told Ellen a story about them being at the Jimmy Kimmel party and how Beth wanted to go up to Ellen and Portia there and say something nice. She just walked up and said ''I like animals!'' He said Beth was making fun of herself.
Howard said Beth looked good on the show too. He said she had an outfit with nice shoes. He said it's every woman's responsibility to dress hot when you're on TV. Robin asked if every woman should do that. Howard said yes. Every woman.
Howard said he was reading an article, by Richard Cohen, about how President Obama should read a book about Lyndon Johnson so he could get some ideas about what to do as President. Howard said the guy talks about how Johnson worked even though he wasn't that good on TV and stuff like that. Robin said that Johnson was in Congress and he knew those people and he became friends with them. She said that doesn't happen today.
Howard said they talk about how Obama took John Boehner out to play golf but just once. Robin said they just don't do those kind of things that they used to do. Howard said he can relate to some of this. He said that he believes in just doing work and never mind the niceties.
Howard said if he was ever elected he'd just work. He said he can't suck dick but that's what the job is. He said it's a whole game that he doesn't understand. Howard said it's like his agent. He said his agent comes with him to AGT and he hangs out and works the whole room. Howard said he goes into his dressing room and he hides in there. He said he has nothing in there and he just sits on a couch with his eyes closed to meditate. Howard said he waits for his next moment on camera. Howard said his agent does everything he can't do himself. Howard said his agent tells him about everything the crew does. He finds out for him what he needs to know.
Howard said his agent went out to a party after the tapings out in Las Vegas. He said he was out until 1 in the morning and then they had to leave at 6 the next morning. Howard said they all love Don over there. Howard said that's great because he needs that. He said he shot thousands of hours of stuff and Don is going to make sure they don't make him look like a shit head. Howard said he needs that in his life. Howard said he's glad Don is there. He said he had to thank Don when they were on the plane.
Howard said everyone who knows him knows that he hides in his bedroom. He said he invites people over and he hides in his bedroom. Robin was over once and she came into the bedroom when she got lost. Howard said he thought she was just into him. Robin said she actually came to find him.
Howard brought up that Obama story again and talked more about that. Howard said Romney has that whole socializing thing down. Howard said he's thinking about Romney and he was talking to his buddy Pat about it. Howard said they hang out at the gym and talk about this stuff. Robin said they have a lot of interesting conversations. Howard said they were talking about Romney and his health care program that he got going up in Massachusetts. Howard said Romney is now saying he's against Obama's program even though it's almost the same as the Massachusetts thing. Howard said he gave the people what they wanted and he should just say that's why he did what he did. Howard said the guy would never listen to him if he told him to say that. Howard said they should listen to him.
Howard gave Robin an F, Marry, Kill of The Hulk, Spider-Man and Iron Man. Robin said she'd kill Spider-Man, marry Iron Man and fuck The Hulk. Howard said he'd do a pay-per-view of her fucking the Hulk.
Howard said they have Andy Cohen coming in today too. He said that Andy is the guy who runs Bravo. Howard said he seems like a goofy guy but he's evidently a great businessman. Howard said he's running all of those Housewives shows.
Howard said yesterday he punished everyone over the twitter followers and Natalie Maines and Judd Apatow. Howard said he got a note from Natalie. He said she wrote him a beautiful text. Howard said she was upset with him taking time off from the show. He said that they'd be taking this time off even if he wasn't doing AGT.
Howard said Natalie asked how she got lumped in with Judd Apatow. Howard said she says that she only complained because she loves him. Howard said she whines when she doesn't get Howard live and she only does that because she misses the show. She said she wants him to stay and never retire. Howard said everyone wants Natalie to go back to The Dixie Chicks but she won't do that.
Howard said he shouldn't have lumped her in with Judd Apatow. Howard said she wasn't complaining about the same thing. Howard said he's going to tell the Ronnie story that he held back on yesterday.
Howard said he was in his dressing room at AGT and Beth was there with her brother and his wife. Howard said that there were some other people there in the dressing room too. Howard said they were all hanging out and he was strutting his stuff.
Howard said he heard some screaming and yelling outside his door and there was some bashing on his door. He said it was really loud. Howard said it was like the sound effect that Fred plays. He said it was that loud and very often. Howard said you could hear some black guys yelling ''down, down, down'' so his brother-in-law, Doug, who is 6'7'' tall, says he wants to see what's going on. Howard said ''What!?'' Howard said you could hear Ronnie yelling too. Howard told him not to open the door. He told Doug ''No!''
Howard said there are a bunch of security guys there so he felt like he was safe. The commotion went away so he opened his door to find out what went on. The guys told him it was okay and he didn't have to know what was going on. Howard said he had to know what went on. He said he got word from an insider that Ronnie the Limo Driver, his security detail, somehow got into it with some other guy. He said they conspired to pretend to have a fight. Howard said this is what he heard. Ronnie came in to explain. Howard said he heard they set up this fake fight and the guy attacks Ronnie without telling him so Ronnie wasn't prepared. Robin said this is like in the Pink Panther when Kato would attack. Howard said Ronnie spilled his soda all over himself and the real security guys see this going on so they spring into action and pounce on the guy. Howard said they whisk the guy out of there.
Howard said he got word about this and he was fuming. He said Ronnie does a great job until he hears this. Howard said Ronnie wasn't able to take success so he had to plan this. Ronnie said it wasn't him. He said that this guy Harvey, the stage manager, would curse him out in the morning and just goof aroudn with him. He said they had a good time doing that when they'd show up. Howard asked why he's involved with people there. Ronnie said he has to talk to him every morning when they're coming.
Howard said Ronnie has this personality that he has to be involved. Howard said no one else is involved with people like this. He said he's never called Harvey a name. Ronnie said this guy calls him a douche bag and stuff like that. Howard said he shouldn't be involved like that. Howard said he should act professional.
Ronnie told Howard that they were joking around and this one security guy thought that Harvey was serious. Ronnie said he told the guy he didn't know what was going on. He said that all of the security guys knew that they did this all the time except for the one security guy Jim. He said that Harvey wanted to fuck with Jin so he wanted to attack him in a fake way. Ronnie said he said yes to that. Howard said he should have said no. Ronnie said he didn't know where it was going to happen. Ronnie said Harvey told him what he was going to do but he didn't do what he said he was going to do. He said that it wasn't supposed to happen there.
Howard told Ronnie he should know better. Ronnie said he knew he was going to get shit for this. Howard said he can't believe this. He said Ronnie is his guy and he should know better. He said it's like Ronnie's Block Party down there. He said he was doing a really good job until this happened.
Robin said that Ronnie is now Mr. Hijinks. Howard said no one is going to believe it if something bad really happens. Robin said he'll end up getting the crap beat out of him or kidnapped or something. Howard said he couldn't believe this was happening. He said Ronnie isn't a professional. He said he really doesn't know about security. He's an entertainer.
Howard said Ronnie is good at acting serious when they walk somewhere. He said he knows how to look because he's seen it on TV. Howard said he knows where to act serious from watching TV shows. Howard said he doesn't want hijinks and games. He said Ronnie never takes the blame for any of this stuff. He said he's on the phone with people calling them asshole all the time. He won't take the blame for it when you question him about it. Howard said he's going to put him in one of those jester hats from now on when he's doing security. Howard said Ronnie does try to be a real security guy at times. He wears that ear piece and things like that. Then he's calling people asshole and he loses respect from everyone.
Howard said he has real security guys who used to be cops. He said those guys just blend in and never smile. Howard said Ronnie is the guy calling people asshole and telling people what to do. He said next thing you know he's on the phone calling people asshole and douche bag. Howard said his whole thing deteriorates into that.
Ralph called in and he was there when it was going on. Ralph said he was in one of the side rooms and it was scary when he heard the scuffle going on. He said that not everyone was in on the joke. He said he saw people on top of people. Howard said it was wild. Ralph said he was looking and it was right outside Howard's door. He said he ran back inside the door and hid. He said then he found out it was a joke and he wondered who was doing that outside his door. Howard said Ronnie wants to be an entertainer. He said he sees him doing his thing all day and night and it must get to him. He said he wants some of the attention.
Howard said since Ronnie started his block party he's not sure what he is. He said he's always putting on a show. Howard said he doesn't want any of that. Robin said the danger is that now no one will know if something serious does happen.
Howard said he likes that Ronnie won't take the blame. He said it never should have happened. He said that Ronnie should have said no to Harvey. Howard said he had his family and in-laws there with him and they witnessed all of this going on. Howard said he had the cast of Jackass outside his door. Howard said that was some joke.
Howard said he never fires anyone so Ronnie feels that he can get away with that kind of thing. Ronnie told him that he was supposed to do it down the hall like that would have been better.
Ralph said he's an idiot and even he knows that it's a bad idea to fight in the hall. Howard said he's going to give him a cookie for figuring that out.
Howard said he never thought that anything like this would go on out in the hall. Ralph said that Joe is like a real cop and he should have known better. Howard said Ronnie is Joe's boss in that situation. Howard said Ronnie is like ''Okay'' when he hears a fake fight idea. Howard said he was fuming mad but he just went back to work. He said he was going to go after him on the plane but he held back until today.
Ralph said it was so great being out at the AGT taping in Vegas. Howard said they'll probably only show a 10th of what they shot. Ralph said it was kind of cool seeing what was going on. He said they were shaping the show there. Robin said she saw the commercial where Howard was driving around and people were getting stuck to the car. She said that was great.
Howard said he told Howie and Sharon that he's a way bigger star than they are. He said they were working really late and he was arguing over these acts with them. Howard said they asked why they should listen to him and he told them that he's got a bigger career. Howard said Howie is doing well and Sharon is doing fine but he knows more than they do because he's making a lot more money than they are. Howard said that didn't go over well. They just laughed. Howard said they were all pretty respectful of each other's positions. He said that they pretty much agreed on everyone except a few acts. Howard said there are some people in there who shouldn't be there. That's what he thinks.
Ralph said Howard picked some people that shouldn't be there. Howard said he's not sure why Ralph was there watching. Howard said the show is going to be good. Robin asked if everyone is the top talent. Howard said the top talent gets through and then there's a portion where you kind of get into this quirky group. He said it's the final 7 of the 48 that they pick that are questionable. Howard said they could be long shots. Howard said he really has to take a break before Sacha Baron Cohen comes in. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Sacha Baron Cohen is there. Howard said he's in the new movie ''The Dictator'' and they thought about having him in as the Dictator but he's glad he's there as Sacha. Howard said part of him wanted to interview him as The Dictator but he likes Sacha too. Howard said he certainly takes a lot of risks with his movies. He said Sacha is more fascinating than the character.
Sacha said he's been there three times in character. Howard asked if he's nervous about how well the movie is going to do. Sacha said there's an obsession about box office now and it wasn't like that when he was a kid. He said he'd like to make a good movie and he wants people to go see it. Howard said Paramount made a 3 picture deal with him. Sacha said that's a big waste of money. Howard said he has a good track record though. He said they put up the money for this movie. He said his entire self esteem is wrapped up in what he does so he wonders if Sacha can walk away when something doesn't do well. Sacha told him to ask him in a week.
Sacha said the movie is coming out while The Avengers is going on and it's like the biggest movie ever. He said that they have some other big movies opening too and he did say that this seems a little bit crowded at this point. Sacha said that they don't really know what they're doing either and they basically told him that.
Howard said he's doing America's Got Talent and he figured there was some kind of formula for doing the show but they just stuck him in a room with Howie and Sharon and they were told to figure it out. He said they just throw it together like that.
Howard said he's concerned about Sacha's career because he loves his work so much that he wants him to continue doing them and taking risks. Howard said if he has a failure then people start to second guess. He said that would be awful for him and he loves the freedom he has. Sacha asked how he has the freedom he has. Howard said he worked hard for 30 years.
Sacha said that when they were writing Borat they did The Running of the Jew. He said he found it funny but he didn't think anyone else would. He said they just did it and didn't care if anyone else liked it. Howard said someone at the movie company must have said they should take it out. Sacha said there was an executive who was there who said that they should take it out. He said that guy is gone now. Sacha said the guy told them that they have made two movies, a satire and a comedy, and they could only have one. He said they wanted them to make it a comedy and take out the satire. Howard said that's idiotic. He said he should name him and humiliate him. Sacha said he really can't remember the guy's name.
Howard said Jonah Hill was in there and he was one of his writers. He said he asked Jonah what that was like and Jonah said it was great. He said he would just pitch crazy ideas around. Howard said he heard that Sacha is so demanding that he will fire them if they don't come up with 100 good ideas. Howard asked if he just picks two of those 100. Sacha said they will stay in a room until they have stuff worked out. He said Jonah hadn't worked those kind of hours before. He said he had Seth Rogen working for him too. He said that Seth and Evan were great writing stuff for Da Ali G show. He said they would come up with ideas to get guys to show their penises.
Sacha said Seth and Evan were sharing a room and a bed and even their salary. They work together so well that they were willing to do that. Howard said that Seth told them that he would come up with the craziest of ideas just to see if Sacha would do it. Sacha said that they come up with things that make him laugh and he'll figure out a way to make it happen if he laughs at it.
Howard said Sacha had terrorist groups mad at him and he went and interviewed that Al Qaeda guy. Howard said he must be shocked that even terrorists have no sense of humor. Sacha said they really don't have a sense of humor and that's why they're terrorists. He said that's why they're extremists. He said if you can laugh at yourself then you're not an extremist.
Sacha said he interviewed one terrorist but he can't talk about that because he's in some legal issues over it. He said that they're suing him over this whole thing and it's shocking because the guy is on the no-fly list. He said if he loses then he will have to fund a terrorist organization which is illegal.
Sacha said he interviewed another terrorist and it's not easy to do such a thing. He said that he hired someone who worked for the BBC to find the terrorist. He said he had to meet me in a bus stop in the middle of Gaza.
Sacha said they had one terrorist come down from Syria and he created his own kidnap video to show him. He said it was him being tortured by some good looking Arab guys and they were whipping him and putting body oil on him. He said they were going to show him the video and not really show him a porno but it was a cut down version of a porno. He said the editor gave him the hard core DVD and played a prank on him and he had a black guy's fist up his ass, simulated, but it looked real. He said he was trying to switch off the computer but the terrorist just sat there. He figured he was going to leave the room but he stuck aroudn. He said the terrorists want to be famous too so he just stuck around. Sacha said that these guys just want to be famous and they're willing to do this stuff to get famous.
Howard told Sacha that he loved The Dictator. Howard said he watched it out in Las Vegas while he was stuck in his room. He said that Megan Fox is in the movie and he makes love to her, simulated of course.
Howard asked Sacha about how he wanted to go to the Academy Awards as The Dictator but he was kept out. Brian Grazer demanded to meet with Sacha when he heard he wanted to show up as The Dictator. Sacha said they were talking about going since he was in Hugo and it was up for like 11 awards. He said he loved working with Martin Scorsese.
Sacha told Howard how he got into Hugo. He said he was on the circuit with Scorsese while he was out promoting for Borat. He said he came up with some ideas for his character to have a false leg that would come off when he's running and it would fly off into the audience. He said Martin liked ideas like that. He said he would pitch the ideas to him and he was up for anything. He said that they'd have the best guys in the world working with these ideas.
Howard asked Sacha if he has ever pitched an idea that doesn't go over well and wonders if they laugh at him and don't want to work with him ever again. Sacha said no one has a 100 percent hit rate. He said he enjoys it and he likes that Martin was willing to try it. Howard asked if Martin is afraid of him because he might be playing a prank on him.
Howard asked if Paula Abdul was in on the joke with the Mexican chairs in that movie. Sacha said she had no idea. Howard said that's the greatest thing ever. He said she sat on a human being. Sacha said she did that and then talked about her charity work.
Howard asked Sacha about the Academy Awards thing again. Sacha said he never goes to these events as himself. He said he has been on Howard's show as himself a couple of times. He said he did see Howard in London when he was on the Chris Evans show. He said he was on a show to cover the event and he tried to interview Howard. Howard said he swears to him that he remembers that. He said he remembers walking out of some show and he remembers this guy trying to interview him and he thinks it was him. Sacha said it was him.
Howard asked what Brian Grazer said to him about the show. Sacha said he wanted to go to the show as The Dictator. He said they didn't want him there promoting his movie even though everyone else there is doing that. He said everyone promotes their dress or their stylists but you can't promote your movie. Howard asked if they told him not to show up. Sacha said the studio got a call saying that they wouldn't let him in if he shows up. Sacha said that convinced him to show up. He said he would have loved to have been arrested for showing up in character. Howard said he did show up and he wanted them to arrest him. Sacha said they called their bluff. He said they realized they had to let him in or they'd look ridiculous.
Sacha said he got there and he got an urn of Kim Jong Ill's ashes and they knew he was going to do something with them. Sacha said that they told Martin Scorsese to tell him not to do anything. They told his agent too. He said he figured he had to turn up and do something if they're going to do that.
Sacha said his dream wasn't to be nominated for an Academy Award. He said he doesn't mind if they don't give him one. Howard said he sounds like he likes to hide in his home like he does. Sacha said his friends are old school friends so that is kind of what he's like.
Sacha said they knew something was going to happen at the awards. He said that he brought these virgin gods with him. He said he had a few hot chicks with him like Muammar Gaddafi did. He said that they got to the cops and they had pictures of him as himself and as The Dictator. He said that they were told that he was bringing in live arms. Sacha said he had the urn with him and he figured they were going to take it away from him. He said he was willing to be strip searched. He said the guy got embarrassed when he saw the girls so he didn't check the urn. Sacha said he didn't know what he was going to do with the urn. He said he was going to say it was Kim Jong Ill's ashes and he might spill them all over the carpet. Then they thought about spilling them on someone. He said that they figured it was going to be Ryan. Sacha said he wasn't warned either. He said it was just flour though.
Howard said he figured that there was some message there. Sacha said that maybe there was. He said it might have been symbolic since Ryan is always about the wardrobe. Gary said he heard that George Clooney was the original target. Sacha said he ran into Ryan one night and had to apologize to him. Sacha said that Ryan did seem a bit upset and frightened. He said he sent him a new jacket. Robin said he has no sense of humor. Howard said he felt bad for the guy. He said he was singled out to be the douche bag. Robin said that was her favorite moment of the night.
Sacha said he might have no sense of humor about something like that happening to him. Howard said he doesn't have a good sense of humor about that kind of thing either. Sacha said people do try to do things to him and they will try tricks like that.
Sacha said he had to smuggle in the urn so he turned it into a flower pot. He said they put some flowers on the top and you can see his guy with him take the flowers off and put the top on.
Howard asked if Sacha was approached to be the host of the Academy Awards in 2010. Sacha said he was and it's a very hard gig so he turned it down. Howard said he thinks he'd turn it down too.
Sacha said he did one award show in England and he was told that he can't insult anyone and he can't libel anyone. He said he wasn't able to sign the contract they wanted him to sign. Sacha said he's not sure why they hired him if he can't do any of that.
Howard asked if that year was the year they had Steve Martin hosting. Sacha said he thinks that's who it was. He said that he has seen Chris Rock doing the show and he thought he did a good job. He said it's hard to host without making the audience the target.
Howard asked if it's true he's going to be playing Freddie Mercury in a movie. Sacha said that is true. He said he was always told he looked like him. He said that he because friendly with the band too. Howard said he'd have to do a really serious role. Howard said he thinks that he could do a good job doing it. Sacha asked if it's a mistake. Howard said he doesn't think so. Howard asked if he's a fan of Freddie's. Sacha said he is. Howard said he has heard a lot of stuff about Freddie and he'd have to play a gay guy in a straight way. Sacha said he can do that. He has done it in a couple of roles. Sacha said he thinks he's comfortable playing that kind of role. He said he does it on camera but he's never done it off camera.
Sacha said the first guy he ever kissed was Will Farrell in Talladega Nights. He said he thought it would be a good thing to do and they didn't want to at first but it worked out.
Howard asked Sacha if he's an orthodox Jew. Sacha said he's not but he is proud to be a Jew. He said he doesn't go to temple all the time. Howard asked why it was important for his wife to become a Jew. Sacha said it's easier for the children if you have one set of ideas.
Sacha asked if Howard is going to have his wife become a nice Jewish girl. Howard said it's not that important to him. Howard asked if he and his mother speak Hebrew to each other because he ran into them one night at dinner and he heard them speaking and it sounded like it was another language. Sacha said that was actually English.
Howard said in his movie The Dictator talks about how he wants to have a pointy rocket for his nuclear weapons. He said that he has the rocket scientist beheaded when he says no. Howard said he has a lot of people beheaded in the movie.
Howard asked Sacha if he was beat up for being a Jew. Sacha said he didn't have a lot of anti-Semitism when he was growing up.
Sacha said his father used to make him watch comedy when he was growing up. He said his mother was into exercise and she would teach keep fit classes. Her mother is still a keep fit teacher and she's 97 years old. He said she has a video on YouTube.
Sacha told Howard when he did Borat he had real anti-Semitism in it and Borat was a blatant anti-Semite. He said that his dad had to go to temple and explain it to the people what he was doing. Sacha said he had Borat singing ''Throw the Jew Down The Well'' and that whole sing along was real. He said that they had the Anti Defamation League after him there in the States. He said that in Nashville the people were indifferent to the song. He said they thought the lyrics were fine but the music was bad. Sacha said they did it in Tucson, Arizona and they got really excited out there.
Howard said he has the feeling that Sacha was a good student. Sacha said he was but he was always into comedy too. Sacha said his father wanted him to be a lawyer. He said he went to university and he never thought that he could make money as an actor. He said that you don't always get out of that tiny town and make money. They never thought he'd make a living doing what he does.
Sacha said the first time he came to the States he was 20 years old doing a thesis about the blacks and the Jews during the civil rights movement in the 60s. Howard said it is kind of funny that they were fighting back then.
Howard said he has a lot more questions for him. Sacha said he's really enjoying this. He said he used to study what Howard was doing early on. He said he liked that Howard didn't mind breaking the law. Howard said he has done some things that were just horrible. He said he would ask celebrities horrible questions at press conferences and it would drain the energy out of him. He said he was always shocked because all he wanted to do was make people laugh. Sacha said he gets that. He said he would do the same kind of things with Ali G and Bruno. He said that they did a cage fight in Bruno and he had people throwing things at him in the ring. Sacha said he wanted to have Bruno kissing in the ring after pretending to be straight. He said the studio said it was illegal because they were crossing state lines to have a riot. He said he wanted to do it and told them to just give it a try. Sacha said they'd figure out a legal way to do it.
Howard said it must drain him to do that kind of thing. He said the audience had no idea what was going on. Howard said he was thinking about the time he was on that show with the black baby that he named OJ. Sacha said that wrestling match was in Texarcana and they got 300 ex-cons to come there to fill the crowd out. He said they told him that no one could climb into the ring. Then they had a fight in the audience and the crowd starts booing him. He said he was told not to incite a riot but he asked if any of those fags wanted to get their ass kicked then they should come and get him. He said that they weren't able to get him since he was in the cage.
Howard asked Sacha if he thinks about not doing this stuff now that he has a wife and kids. Sacha said he doesn't want to risk his life. He said he's always very calculated when he does that kind of thing. He said he minimizes the risk as much as he can. Howard said when he did the interview with Ron Paul he must have known that he wasn't going to hurt him. Sacha said that they do check people for guns and things like that. He said that in the south you can't take people's guns off of them.
Sacha said they did one shoot where they were on a hunting trip and they had guns on them. He said he asked the security guys to take their guns but the guys refused to give them up. Sacha said he was asking the guys who their favorite Sex and the City girls were. He said the guys figured he was gay and they went off and got their guns and loaded them. Sacha said he knew that his next scene was to go into their tents naked and they had loaded guns. Howard said that's insane. Sacha said he figured he should just do it. Sacha said he went in naked and told the one guy there was a bear outside and he wanted to warm up and watch Sex and the City.
Sacha told Howard about doing a scene in Bruno where he was with a dominatrix who kicked him and broke his thumb. He said that he went home and he was covered in welts and bleeding and his wife asked how work was. He said he thought about how maybe he has to chill a little bit. Howard asked if she tells him to stop. Sacha said that it has gotten kind of scary at moments. He said he got chased by some Hasidic Jews and that was the closest he's ever come to getting killed. He said he had an Israeli security guy who warned him not to do what he was going to do. He said he walked out and the cameras weren't rolling and he got chased down the street. He said he ran into a getaway van that he had set up. He said as he ran toward it the van drove off. He said he was being chased and he ran into this store instead. He said they were selling toilets there in the store. He said he asked them to save him and he ran into the store room. He said he tried to lock the doors but there were no locks. Howard asked how he gets permission to show that stuff. Sacha said that it's in a public place so he can show it.
Howard asked about doing the Chicago 7. Sacha said he talked to Steven Spielberg years ago about doing that. He said he was going to play Abby Hoffman. He said he did an accent and he practiced for a while. He said he was told that he did 40 takes and the first few weren't very good. He said that the woman had left all of the takes on the CD she sent to Spielberg.
Howard said he heard that Sacha was going to dress up as one of the characters from Avatar and they didn't let him do it because James Cameron wouldn't like it. Sacha said they didn't want him to offend him with that so he didn't get to do it. Ben Stiller ended up doing it instead.
Robin asked Sacha if he's more comfortable doing his characters when he does interviews. Sacha said he prefers doing that because he's trying to get people to go see his movie and not find out about his personal life. Howard said Sacha can kind of blend in and not have people recognize him. Sacha said he arrived at the airport the other day and he had a Bangladeshi guy asking what he was there for and he told him he was an actor and he was Borat. He said that the guy didn't know it was him and thought he was Borat's double or something.
Howard asked Sacha if he's happy in his life right now. Sacha said he is. He said he never thought when he was a kid that he'd get to come to America and make a movie. He said that kind of thing just didn't happen. Howard said everyone is the same aroudn the world and people used to tell him that he was too ''New York''' and he'd never make it.
Howard asked if he's doing a movie with Quentin Tarantino. Sacha said he had to drop out because he's on this press tour. He said he's going to be in a production of Les Miserables. A Movie version.
Howard gave Sacha a plug for his movie, The Dictator, that's coming out on May 16th. Howard said the movie is very funny. He said he enjoyed it and said it's really, really good. He said he hopes it's a huge success for Sacha. Sacha said it's an honor to be there and he only comes out of character for him. Howard said he'd like him to come in and sit in for a whole show one day.
Sacha said he really enjoyed doing this and he rarely does things out of character like this. Howard thanked him, wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Andy Cohen is a guy who is successful on TV against all odds. Howard said he's responsible for all of the TV shows on the Bravo network. Robin said they didn't know what to do with that channel for a while. Andy figured it out.
Andy said they have a lot of Jews on the show today. Howard said Andy was hired to be the head programmer at Bravo. Howard asked what his credentials are. Andy said he started in TV and he wanted to be on the air. He said that was like 25 years ago. He said it's so crazy that this actually happened. He said it never happens to anyone. Andy is openly gay and Howard said it's hard to get a job being openly gay. Andy said he didn't think so but maybe on the big 3 or 4 networks that's the case.
Howard said he figures that most programming guys want to be on TV but they think they can't be because they'd be viewed as less professional. Andy said he agrees. He said that programming guys are hams for the most part. He said people say that he gave himself a TV show and it's just not possible. He said you can't just walk in and give yourself a show.
Any told Howard that he went to Boston University like he did. He also grew up in St. Louis and he told Howard that the arch is so impressive and Howard is wrong about it not being impressive. Howard said he disagrees on that.
Howard asked Andy about growing up and asked if he knew he was gay in high school. Andy said he always knew he was gay. Howard said that means he's a Pure Blood that knew he was gay. Andy said he's going to call himself that from now on.
Andy told Howard that he went to see Eddie Murphy when he was in high school and he did shrooms before the show. He said every word in the act was ''faggot'' and he was in there thinking this is what his life was going to be. He said he never did shrooms again and it was the worst trip for him. He said it was like 20,000 people laughing at him that day.
Andy said he did make out with girls in school. He said he felt them up and ate out a girl. He said she didn't blow him. Howard asked why he didn't have her do that. Andy said that's just what happened. Andy said he's a Pure Blood. He said that's what he's going to call his second book.
Howard asked Andy about coming out in college. Andy said he was in Europe and he started going to gay bars. He thought it was great doing that. He said when he went to college he couldn't stay in the closet anymore. Howard said he's a real Pure Blood if he turned down a blow job after eating out a chick.
Andy told Howard that his mom found some gay porn magazines under his bed. He said his mom was so great when he told her he was gay. He said she told him that she probably would have hated his wife anyway. Andy said she also told him that she was as worried about him being an air head as she was about him being gay. He said his dad said that he loves him no matter what he is. Andy said his dad went through all of these things like asking if a woman walked in naked if he'd get turned on and things like that.
Howard asked Andy about the things that Rick Santorum and Michelle Bachman say about gay marriage and things like that. Howard said he thinks that Bachman is an idiot. He asked Andy to say what he thinks of her. Andy would only said he thinks she's an idiot. Howard said he was hoping that he'd use the C-word.
Howard asked Andy if the book is going to get him into trouble at all. Andy said he has some stuff about the Housewives in the book and he saved that for the end. He said he works with these women so he didn't want to upset them too much.
Howard said he's a fan of the Beverly Hills Housewives. He said he thought Camille Grammer was great on the show in the first season. Then in the second season she stopped giving opinions. Howard asked if Andy had to fire her. Andy said she's not fired. He said she will appear. He said that season 1 happened and the first night the show premiered he gave a speech to the women that they have to toughen up because they're putting their loves out there in a unique way. He said people are going to have opinions about their lives that will be rough. Andy said he knew that Camille was going to have a tough time that first season and the people were going to sympathize for her. Howard said they didn't. Howard said he doesn't think that it was the editing that made her look like a jerk. Andy said he felt terrible for her and he told her to get off social media. Andy said he told her to just tell people that she couldn't believe she said some of the stuff she said.
Howard said that the women on these shows have no idea they look like shit heads. Andy said they don't cast wallflowers. He said they cast them for a reason. Andy said a lot of them have money but they don't have fame. He said that could be one reason that they're drawn to doing the show. Howard said that's exactly why they do the show. Andy said they are living in a way they want to. They can get into restaurants now. Howard said they're famous for being idiotic. Howard said Andy will write a book some day about what idiots they are some day. Andy said he won't. Howard insisted he will.
Andy told Howard he got a lot of internships in the business and that's how he worked his way up. Andy said he worked in New York and he told an executive that he was going to go from small market to small market. He said the guy told him he had a wandering eye and that's going to make it tough for him. Andy said he loved the news business and he wanted to be a newscaster or an anchorman. He said what he really wanted to do was be himself on TV.
Howard said that Andy's TV show is doing very well. It gets bigger ratings than Conan. Andy said sometimes he does. Howard said he's doing a live show at 11 at night. He's a gay guy kicking ass in late night.
Howard said that Andy went to CBS News and worked there for 10 years. Andy said he was at a morning show for 8 years and on another show for 2 years. Howard asked if the rumors are true that he was going to take over for Regis. Andy said that's not true at all.
Andy said he was covering entertainment off camera at CBS News. He said the shit he did there is what he wrote about in his book. He said he had 3 experiences with Oprah. He said he lied to her during the height of Oprahdom. He said that he asked her to do a separate interview for him and Oprah's people said she didn't have to do that. Andy said he told Paula Zahn that when she was done he wanted to keep the cameras rolling so he could roll into a second interview. He said they had said no to him 18 times and he didn't tell Paula about it. He said they did the interview and the publicist was going crazy. Andy said Oprah called him from the limo and this was in like 1992 when you didn't make calls from the limo. He said she called to ask what had just happened. Andy said Oprah was in forgiving mode and she told him that the interview was so good that she was going to let them air it.
Howard said that Oprah needs Andy to run her network. Howard said that he's doing great for Bravo. Andy said he's not seeing anything from that. Howard said Oprah should call Andy and ask him to program her network. Howard asked if he would do that. Andy said he's a pig in shit right now so he can't do that. Howard asked what Bravo is making. Andy said he has no idea. Howard said he has to know. Andy said he really doesn't. He said he's in charge of development and talent over there now. He said he's not doing the same things he was. Howard said he has to knew what they're making. Andy said it must be hundreds of millions. Howard said if he's not worth $10 million then he's fucked.
Andy said he works with some incredible people. He said he's not the number one guy over there. Howard said he has to know when he's the head of the network. Howard said he doesn't believe a word he's saying. Howard said he doesn't even believe he's gay at this point. Andy said that would be the best for him if he wasn't. He said he could get so many chicks.
Howard asked if he's interested in trying women. Andy said he would like to try that. Howard said he could try out Robin. Andy asked if she's up for that. Robin said of course she is. Robin asked if Howard has any desire to try men. Howard said of course not. Andy said he knew he was gay all along. He said that Bill O'Reilly thought that ''Glee'' was going to turn people gay. He said that just doesn't happen.
Howard asked Andy why he doesn't try a woman if he's curious. Andy said he's not saying he won't try. He said it could happen. Howard asked if guys try to get him because he can get them on TV. Andy said he can sniff those out pretty well.
Howard asked how often he dates. Andy said he dates. He said 5 nights a week he knows where he's going to be. He said he had a good blow job about 2 weeks ago. Howard said he sees him as a bottom. Andy said he's wrong. He said he's a giver. Howard said he'd be a bottom. He said he'd rather take it. He said he thinks that's what he'd be anyway.
Howard asked Andy about working at CBS and how he got the job at Bravo. Andy said he was working at CBS when they got Howard to do the interview with Mark McEwan. He said he got a call to go work for this network called Trio. He said he got a job as the head of programming at this little start up. He said it was a total lucky break. Andy said it was a great opportunity to learn. Andy said he was there for 4 years and Queer Eye was pitched to him there. He said he thought it was brilliant and they didn't get the show. Andy said they were edgy there. Andy asked for some water so Howard got him a bottle. Andy went on to say that NBC pulled the plug on Trio and they brought his boss to Bravo. He said she told him she wanted to bring him there as head of current programming. He said the Logo network was just starting and he wanted to be in charge of that. He said he interviewed there and didn't get the job. He said if he had gotten that job he wouldn't be sitting there now. He said it's crazy.
Andy said he went to Bravo and they had Queer Eye on the network and that put them on the map. Project Runway was shot and was in post production. He said he gave notes on season one of that show. He said he joined in during season 1. Andy said some of the shows he spearheaded were flops. He said he had Battle of the Network Reality Stars. He thought that was brilliant.
Howard asked Andy what he would do with Oprah's network. Andy said he would put on replays of the Oprah Winfrey shows. He said they have 25 years of shows they could be playing. He said they have all of this time to fill and they have all of those shows to play. He said that's his favorite show and he'd love to see it again. Andy said he knows they might have some clearance issues but they should be doing that. Andy said he knows Oprah doesn't like the Real Housewives shows and shows like that but there are things they could put on that network that would work.
Andy said that Rosie's show was great and he's not sure why that didn't work out. Howard said he's not sure why they didn't hire Andy to run that network. Andy said that Bravo is paying him well and he's not looking to go anywhere.
Howard asked Andy if the housewives shows were his idea. Andy said some people brought them tape of the women in Orange County and pitched them the basic idea for doing something with them. Andy said they spent some money to just shoot with these women. He said they lived in these huge fiberglass castles. Andy said they have a lot of rich people on the network and people love seeing that. He said the women they saw all had huge hair and huge, fake boobs. He said the women are relatable in some ways but totally un-relatable in another.
Howard said he had no idea what Bravo was before this. Andy said they had Top Chef too. Howard knew that show. Andy said they wanted to do for food what they did for fashion. He said they did a bunch of other good things happening there too. Andy had a bunch of shows they were doing and he said the Housewives came along and got big. Andy said when Battle of the Network Reality Stars was filming he was writing notes to the network telling them what was going on behind the scenes. Andy said they told him to start a blog on Bravo's web site talking about all of this. Then he started the blog on BravoTV.com. He said he was the first network exec to do something like that. He had a dialog going on with the audience that way. Andy said he started getting calls from CNN to comment on TV. He said his boss thought it was great and he was finally getting to do what he wanted. He said that they suggested doing an online show in 2006 or 2007. Andy said he did that show online that was called ''Watch What Happens Live'' which is what he calls the TV show now. He said it's the same format of what he's doing now.
Andy said Housewives was doing really well. He said he did another show to wrap up Housewives and he did that and did okay. He said it's just been a slow build.
Howard asked Andy how he's coming up with these shows and why he's not worth $10 million. Andy said he's doing very well and he's not worth 10 million. Howard said he should be with that kind of stuff going on in his life.
Howard asked Andy what the biggest penis is he's ever had in his mouth. Andy said he was on Colbert last night and he pointed out that his mouth is open in every picture he takes.
Howard asked Andy about his famous friends. Andy said he has a few. Howard said he ran into him one night and he had a lot of famous people there. Howard said he talked to Andy because he was so upset about the guy from Beverly Hills Housewives who killed himself. Howard did an impression of Andy where he had a lisp. Andy asked why he has to do the lisp thing when he does a gay guy. Howard said he has a lisp. Andy said he does not. Howard said he was trying to do an impression of him. Howard had Fred do his impression of him. It wasn't too far off. Howard said that Andy is just a little off from Harvey Firestein. Howard said he does love Andy though.
Howard gave Andy a plug for his book ''Most Talkative: Stories from the Front Lines of Pop Culture'' and said that he feels that Andy is a different type of TV exec. He asked if he has to fire people. Andy said he has and it's horrible. He said he hasn't had to fire anyone in a long time though. He said when he did it was very clear that it was going to happen. Andy said he wells up when he's doing it because he's so sympathetic. Howard said he's had to do that too and it is very hard.
Howard asked about the one woman on the New York Housewives show who got fired. Andy said he and his team had to make that decision and it was very drastic. He said they let go 4 of the NY housewives at the end of the season. Andy said the bottom line is that if they brought everyone back they wondered where it was going to go that would be different. He said it could be great but maybe not. He said the viewers were pissed. He said the cast were very divisive. He said they were very upset with the way the season had gone. He said they have 3 originals and 3 new ones. He said it's the same show but different.
Howard asked Andy which of the housewives he was happiest to get rid of. Andy didn't say. He said that the firing was really hard. Andy said he empathizes with the women. He said he was speaking to them that day and you can't describe this experience that goes on. Howard asked Andy to fire him as if he were Kelly Bensimone. Andy said she was a great example. He said that she thanked him for giving her that platform. He said the women knew they were going to be picked up or not. He said that when people are fired they're not usually surprised that it's coming.
Andy told Howard about what his day is like and how busy he stays. He said that he doesn't get a lot of sleep. He said he's doing a lot of press for his book and he's so excited to be there on Howard's show. Howard said he's glad to have him there. Andy said he's very busy and he does his show at night. He said they drink on the show so he has to watch it. He said he'll have fake drinks on the show so he can watch how much he drinks.
Howard gave Andy some plugs for his TV show. He asked Andy if he's gross to him and if he'd ever have sex with him. Andy said he could probably blow Howard if he was shitfaced. Howard asked why no gay men are attracted to him. Andy said he's attractive so he's not sure. Andy said he loves very blonde men himself. He said he does love black men too though. He said he likes all kinds of men. Howard said he must be gross. Andy said he's not gross. Howard said he just said he'd have to be shitfaced to fuck him. Andy said he's sorry about that. Howard asked who is more attractive to him, Romney or Obama. Andy said he might have to say Romney.
Howard said that Andy is going to be signing books at the 92nd St. YMCA. He's also going to be at Barnes and Noble on 27th St. on Thursday night. He'll also be in some other places aroudn the country. He said you can find the dates at BravoTV.com
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were playing Wood Yi clips asking Andy to spit on his cock and things like that. Andy said he got his first Baba Booey call on his show recently. He said he was so excited. Howard gave Andy some more plugs for his book and wrapped up. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said he has to get back to Ronnie but they'll have to do that another day. He said it was an interesting conversation they had. Robin said that Ronnie was out in the hall when she went out to say hi to Sacha and she asked if she should fake attack him. Howard said Ronnie still doesn't get that he did wrong. Howard said he's at NBC trying to work and Ronnie is planning fake attacks in the hall. Howard said he's supposed to go ''I'm not the entertainment here, sir.'' He's not supposed to be faking attacks outside his door.
Howard and Fred did their impressions of Ronnie for a short time. Howard said that whole thing was really weird. He said if you missed it you should listen to the first hour of the show. Howard and Fred were still doing their impressions and making fun of the way he handled that whole thing.
Howard said that's his representative and his security. Fred called him J. Edgar Douchebag. Howard said you have to hear the whole thing in the first hour. Then he went on to explain the whole thing again. Howard explained the fake fight outside his door and how he'll probably end up putting a whoopi cushion under Sharon's chair one day.
Howard asked Ronnie if he wanted to explain himself. He said that Ronnie was doing so well too. He said that he told his wife he was doing a great job during this AGT taping stuff. Howard said everyone thinks that Ronnie is a jerk now. Howard asked Ronnie whose fault it is. Ronnie said it's both (Ronnie and Harvey).
Howard asked what went on. Ronnie said they were having fun in that final day there and they were all caught up in the whole thing. Howard said Kevin Costner never fucked around in the hall during Whitney Houston's final number. Howard said Ronnie has to just say he doesn't want any nonsense. Howard asked how many guys had to break them up. Ronnie said everyone was in on it except for the one guy who thought it was the real thing.
Howard said Ronnie was doing perfect until this. Robin said he was fucking around when he shouldn't have been. Ronnie said no one else was around. Howard said they should call him Ronnie Knoxville. Fred suggested Ronnie Fife. Howard said maybe Ronnie Dangerfield. Fred threw out Ronbo-Cop too.
Howard told Ronnie that he has to be a professional when he's out at these gigs. Howard said he can't have staged wrestling matches going on outside his door. Howard said Ronnie almost had him convinced he was a professional. Now he's going to call him Ronnie Carson.
Howard said it's crazy he did that. He said no one will respect him over there now. Howard said they're just going to laugh at him behind his back. Howard said maybe they can burn down the building for their next act. Howard said he either wants to be security or not. Ronnie said he wants to be. Robin said he's going to put Howard in jeopardy by doing this stuff.
Howard said he thinks that Ronnie sees him up on stage and it gets hard because no one is paying attention to him. Ronnie told him to stop it. Howard said Ronnie has to show everyone he's funny too. Ronnie said that's not what it's about.
Howard told Ronnie he should just say no when something like that comes up. He told him to ask him if he should do things like that from now on. Ronnie said he's not going to bother him with stuff like that. Howard said he would have advised him on what not to do if he had asked. Howard said he can say no. He doesn't have to say yes.
Howard asked what he was thinking. He said he has Ronald McDonald working for him. Howard said he should change his name to Ronald Mundonald. Howard said he likes that name. Fred did his impression of Ronnie as if he were Ronald Mundonald asking ''Who ordered the Happy Meal?''
Howard said Ronnie was perfect and he was the guy. Howard said he told Beth he was doing a great job and then boom. Howard said he hears the fight out in the hall and he wonders what's going on. It turns out to be a staged fight. Howard said he's sure the guys at NBC are really happy about that. Howard said Ralph didn't even embarrass him that much other than the outfits he wears. He said he showed up in shorts. He said that wasn't too embarrassing though. Howard said he heard Ronnie on the phone saying ''Hello asshole...'' Howard said then he's staging a fight in the halls.
Howard and Fred did their impressions some more and came up with more stunts. Fred played the Mission Impossible theme song as they were going through that stuff. Howard said all of the NBC execs were there so they all know about what went on. Howard said they'll have to show up in a clown car from now on. Fred played some horns honking for the clown car.
Howard told Ronnie he's not the personality. He said that he has to just do his job and stick to security. Fred played the Mission Impossible music again. Howard continued to goof on Ronnie about all of that. Howard said he's still not sure why they did it. They were doing it for one guy. Howard said everyone there knows who Ronnie is. He said he's not sure who this Jin guy is. Howard said no one should even know who Ronnie is. He said he doesn't know any of the other security guy's names. He said that he's like Ronnie Funt doing a Candid Camera show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's looking forward to all of the TV shows he's ding this week. Howard said he's on Fallon on Wednesday and then on The View and the Today show on Thursday.
The caller asked if Howard uses lubed condoms with his wife. Howard said they are lubed. The caller said those are chemicals. Howard said he doesn't care. Howard hung up on him saying he must have been hired by a competitor to make the show really boring.
Robin read a story about Linda Evangelista and how she was trying to get $46,000 a month to take care of her child. Howard asked on what planet you need that kind of money. Robin said her boyfriend was a billionaire so it's on this planet. Robin said they came to some kind of settlement and she was about to take the stand to say that he wanted her to have an abortion. Howard said they were trying to paint the guy as a scumbag. Robin said it proves that he didn't want to have a child with her. Robin said she wanted a 24 hour a day nanny and some other things like a detective to drive her around. Howard did a live commercial and then went to break.
After the commercial break, around 10:00am, Robin read a story about the CEO of Yahoo and how he may have lied on his resume. Robin said they say he lied about some of the degrees he had. Howard said they must have Googled him. Robin said the guy claims that he had an error on his resume but it's been there a long time. Robin said they are backing him up saying he is a great guy.
Robin read about some numbers they have for obesity in this country. Robin read some details about that. Howard said all you have to do to get thin is stage a fight at work. It burns calories.
Howard said there's now a Three Stooges porno. He said that they did a parody of the movie that just came out and the guys actually sound like the Three Stooges. It's called ''Not the Three Stooges XXX.'' Howard played a clip and they did sound like the stooges. Curly was eating out a chick and making sucking sounds. Howard said it sounds like they're licking a woman. Richard came in and said the Curly guy is the only one who stays in character during sex. He said the other guys drop the character when they tell the girl to lick their balls and stuff like that. They also have a black guy doing a Stepin Fetchit kind of character. Howard said the Three Stooges didn't work like that.
Howard played more of the audio and Richard told him what was going on during the scenes he couldn't see. Richard said the guy playing Larry had a bald wig on even during sex. Howard said he has to see this movie. Richard said it is funny. Howard said he actually liked the movie in the theaters. Robin said she can't bring herself to watch it.
Robin got back to her news and she said she had the 9-1-1 call from a shooting in Arizona. Robin said this woman makes the call before she was killed. Howard asked why they release those calls. Howard said it doesn't really encourage people to make the call. He said he doesn't want to call and sound hysterical on the phone. Howard said that shit should be private. Howard said he's kind of curious to hear the call. Robin said she is too. Howard played the call. The woman told the operator what was going on before she was killed. Howard said they both sounded pretty calm in the call.
Robin said the CIA stopped a bomb threat to take out a plane. Robin said they have new bomb making techniques. They have an underpants bomb that they have created and it can get through security. Howard said the underwear they had were soiled. Howard said it looks like 50 terrorists had tried them on. He said the pouch they had sewn in were really disgusting looking. Robin said they say that Al Qaeda in Yemen is linked to this attempt. Robin said they aren't giving out a lot of details about the bomb or the bomber. Robin said they say the operation was top secret until yesterday. Robin said they say the war against terrorism is far from over. Robin had a few audio clips to play. She had some people commenting on this case. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about the guy who was abducted in Pakistan back in august of last year. Robin had some audio of the guy in a tape asking for President Obama to help him. Howard said if your name is Weinstein, don't go to Pakistan. He said that's just common sense. Howard said on top of that he's American. He said if your name is Weinstein then don't even go to Alabama.
Robin read some news about Vice President Biden's comments on Gay marriage and how they're saying Obama's views are the same. Howard and Robin spent a minute on that and then Howard read another live commercial.
Robin read a story about tanning beds and how they say that they can cause skin cancer. Robin said they're blaming the rise in skin cancer on indoor tanning. Howard wondered what kind of shit head gets into a tanning bed. He said you look like shit with your tan. Robin had some audio of a guy commenting on that. Howard said you're a stupid asshole if you think you look better with a tan. Howard said when he goes on the beach he's covered up almost completely.
Howard said he saw an article in the paper about South Korea having powdered flesh pills made from dead babies. He said that they refuse to say where the powdered skin came from or who made the pills. Howard said they say they're made from fetuses or newborns. Howard figured they're girls from China.
Robin had some audio of someone commenting on President Obama and his stance on equality.
Robin had some audio of Prince Harry accepting an award for going to visit wounded soldiers.
Robin read a story about Hugh Jackman asking people to spend no more than $1.50 a day for food. Robin had some audio of Jackman explaining why. He said that we should live below the line so others can rise above it. Howard said he works his ass off so he doesn't have to live on a $1.50 budget.
Robin said that Justin Bieber recently set a record on Youtube when he got 8 million views of a video in 24 hours. Robin said that it's been seen by 18 million times since it came out. Robin had a short clip of the song. Howard said he sounds like a girl. He said that might be the worst song he's ever heard. He played it again and goofed on it for a minute. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:30am.
Jon brought up some of the other stuff they'll be talking about today. Jon said he wanted to talk about Sacha Baron Cohen first. He said that Sacha planned to do it as The Dictator but he changed his mind and came in as himself. Gary said he thinks that he prefers to stay in character most of the time. Gary said Sacha was talking about how he likes to push himself as far as he can with the characters he does. He talked about some very dangerous stuff that he's been involved with.
Gary said he went back and watched ''Throw the Jew Down The Well'' scene and it's really funny. Jon said that the thing that blew him away is that he didn't set up the whole Paula Abdul thing. Gary said he can't figure out why she did that.
Jon asked about him being banned from the Oscar's. Gary said that Sacha pointed out that everyone at the Oscar's is promoting something. He said that he pointed out that it's all bullshit. He said he also pointed out that the whole thing about James Cameron being bullshit too. He said he's not sure when Cameron became the king of Hollywood.
Benjy asked if they thought it was going too far to dump the ashes on Ryan Seacrest. Gary said he thought it was funny when he say it. Benjy said he thought it was funny too but he thought it was going too far to get physical with someone. Gary said Benjy jumped in front of a weatherman and the guy put him in a headlock. Benjy said that's on the edge for him. Gary said he gets what he's saying. Benjy said he thought he took it too far.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he doesn't usually like Sacha but he thought today's interview was good. He said he wasn't fake and contrived. Gary said it's not contrived at all. He said he does characters but it's not contrived. Gary said they were on for an hour and 15 minutes and he would have liked to heave heard his thoughts on Andy Rooney and some of the other people he's goofed on.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he loved the Sacha interview. He said it seems like Howard gets into this shrink mode and tries to psychoanalyze people. Gary asked for an example. The caller said that Howard is projecting his own views on people like Sacha being a recluse. Gary said that's a bit of an interview technique. He said that's just the way Howard interviews people. Benjy asked why this bothers him so much. The caller said he didn't know and then cracked up at the way Benjy asked.
Jon said that Sacha was very up front about the reason they moved the opening of the movie. Sacha was very honest about that. Jon was also saying that Sacha was saying that people in England never believe that you can come to this country and make a popular movie. Gary said he doesn't know much about British comedies. Gary said he still doesn't get Four Weddings and a Funeral.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they noticed that Howard doesn't let the guy talk. He jumps from question to question. Gary said he doesn't notice it anymore but he has noticed it from time to time. He said Howard's mind works fast and once he hears an answer he wants to hear he just moves on. He said if you let people go on and on then they will continue to go on and on. Jon said Howard is about keeping the interview moving. They had to go to break after that.
Benjy said he gets it but Apatow's tweet was just asking for less AGT talk and Natalie's tweet was saying she wants more shows. That's what he got out of it.
Jon said he wants to move on to why Howard is letting that get to him. He said he knows what the fans think but it seems like this got to him for some reason. He said the Judd one got to him but so did the other stuff. He said he wasn't going to talk about AGT in Vegas. Gary said the whole Twitter thing is new territory and they have to settle into it.
Jon said that Howard eventually calmed down and said he would tell the story about Ronnie's fake fight. Jon said it seems like Ronnie didn't want to deal with it or he really thinks he didn't do anything wrong. Gary said he was doing a behind the scenes special about AGT and he was talking about how professional Ronnie is. He said that you get to be friendly with those people pretty quickly over there. He said Ronnie has been hanging with them for 6 weeks now.
Jon wondered why he'd take the chance and do what he did. He wondered if Ronnie wants to be a writer and entertainer. Gary said he doesn't think he wants to be a writer but he does like to be in the middle of things. He said he does like to be part of the fun. Gary said Ronnie did say that it wasn't supposed to happen there in front of Howard's door. Gary said it really shouldn't have happened at all. It appeared they were doing it just for the one security guy that didn't know what was going on.
Jon asked Benjy if he thinks that he did wrong. Benjy said he does. He said it was a big mistake. Gary said he doesn't think it did it in a malicious way but you have to be at the top of your game especially when you're not there at the studio.
Gary said he thinks that they don't really care over there at AGT. Jon said Howard seems to be really angry about it. Gary said he wants to give a shout out to Ralph who didn't try to lie and act like a hard ass. He just said he crawled back into the room so he wouldn't get involved.
Jon said it was weird how Howard went off on Ralph about what he wore. Gary said he gets it. He said he knows what kind of outfit he's talking about. Gary said he sees why Howard would want them to get dressed up a little bit. They had to take another break after that.
Jon Leiberman came in and said that Ronnie has said he regrets his actions and then walked away when he asked if he thinks he embarrassed Howard. Leiberman said that he heard that Harvey said he didn't think Howard would bring it up on the air because he didn't talk about it there in Vegas. He bet Harvey a million bucks that Howard would bring it up.
Ronnie came in and asked Leiberman what his problem is. He said he's always trying to dig stuff up on him. He asked Jon Hein what he had for him.
Jon asked Ronnie why this seems to have gotten to him. Ronnie said he doesn't know, he guesses it did. Jon asked if he feels he did something wrong. Ronnie said both he and Harvey did. He said they thought it would be a cool thing to do between them but he didn't think about the consequences afterward. Ronnie said that the only ones who knew about it were a few security guys and Harvey. He said it looked real.
Gary asked Ronnie if any part of him though they shouldn't do it. Ronnie said they were all happy and having a good time and it just shouldn't have happened. Gary said he has done things and it doesn't dawn on him until after he did it that he shouldn't have done it.
Ronnie said he only had about 30 seconds between the time Harvey told him about it and when it happened. He said he turned his back on Harvey and the next thing he knew he was on the ground. He said he wanted to finish his pretzels and soda and then he got blindsided. He said he was laying in ginger ale. Gary said there's a rumor that there may be video of this. Leiberman said they're working on getting the video. Ronnie said if Terrence gives it up then he's not a man. Leiberman said he's not the only one who has it. Ronnie told him to leave him alone today and get away from him.
Ronnie told Leiberman that the information is already out there. He said he can throw him under the bus if he wants to. Leiberman said he's not throwing him under the bus. He said he just wants to get the video.
Jon Hein said that Howard sounded concerned that Ronnie might be hurt. He asked if he approached Howard about that. Ronnie said he found out that it was a joke thing pretty fast.
Jon asked Ronnie about talking to people in the way that he does calling them douche bag and stuff. Ronnie said they do that every day there. He said he and Harvey would talk to each other like that every day. Gary said it sounds like he was bored in Las Vegas.
Gary said it seems like Ronnie is really upset about this. Ronnie said that it's already out on the table and he'll get the video for Leiberman if he wants. Jon asked if he's upset that Robin was on him today. Ronnie said she's always on him. He said she's always emasculating to him. He said that hasn't stopped with him. He said Harvey thought Howard would never talk about this but he told him if it didn't come up on Monday or Tuesday he'd own him a million bucks. Ronnie said he knew he was going to take the hit for the whole thing since Harvey is back in Los Angeles. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about how he had to take Ambien again last night because of this schedule he's on. He has appearances coming up this week and the whole America's Got Talent thing is all over the place. Robin said she saw the commercials for him being on the Today show tomorrow. He's also appearing as a square on The Voice. Howard said it's too much for him. He said he usually hides under a rock but now they've pushed the rock away and let the sun on him. Howard said he needs someone to talk to about this. He's on overload.
Howard said he has about 10,000 shows calling to have him on. He said the Today show wanted him to show up early so they can put the camera on him to preview him. He said he won't sit there smiling and waving. He said they wanted him to stick aroudn to be the guest announcer too. He said he thought that was lame so he won't be doing that either. Howard said he doesn't want to be the announcer for himself. He's not an announcer.
Howard said they told him to stick around and do interviews all morning too but he said no to that too. He said he will come in and talk about AGT and that's it. He won't do a pre-interview either. Howard said he told them that he hasn't done an interview on the show ever so they can just Google him. He said he's sure they can come up with something. Robin said they don't need to do a pre-interview with Howard. Howard said Matt knows him personally so he should know what to ask.
Howard said he didn't have a conversation with Sacha Baron Cohen before he interviewed him. He said he just interviews him.
Howard said he's doing The View too. He said he heard they have a lot of ticket requests for that show. Howard said Sal or Richard put together something for what The View might sound like tomorrow. He said he can't even find it to play. Gary had to help him find it. Howard told Gary to leave him alone, he didn't get any sleep. Howard said he's a crank today because of his lack of sleep. He said the Ambien helps him sleep but the sleep he gets isn't right.
Howard played the clip the boys put together where they had everyone on The View talking over Howard as he's trying to speak.
Howard said they were all charged up yesterday talking about his upcoming appearance on The View. He played the clip and the women on the show really were talking over each other. Howard said you can't run a show like that. Joy asked if they have to wear wet t-shirts that day. Howard said she doesn't. He said he's going to tell her to wear a very dry t-shirt.
Howard played more of the clip where they talked about Howard and how nice he is when they've spoken to him off the air. All of the girls started talking over each other again. Elisabeth told the girls that she and Howard are acquaintances. She said that she has never had more calls about tickets than when they announced Howard was going to be on. Elisabeth also talked about the Rolling Stone article that was out about a year ago. The women all talked over each other again.
Howard said there are 50 conversations going on at once on that show. Howard said it's like everyone is trying to wedge their lines in. Howard said the show is very successful even with that going on. He said he's going on to woo their audience.
Robin asked what the other judges are doing. Howard said he asked what Howie and Sharon are doing. He said he never really got an answer. Robin said Howard is the new one so they push him out to do it. Howard said they have done interviews together as the three judges. Howard said he doesn't like doing that though. He said he's a solo act when it comes to doing interviews. He said it can get weird doing it as a threesome.
Howard said there was one occasion when Howie was trying to answer questions under his breath. He said he has to shut up and let Howie answer once in a while.
Howard said he started watching The Voice last night. Robin said she had to stay up and watch Justin Bieber. Howard said he doesn't get that at all. Robin said she doesn't either. Howard said these girls who get all excited for him are going to regret acting the way they do in a few years. Howard said it would be cooler to be into Led Zeppelin or something. Howard said they run a lot of AGT commercials during that show. Robin said it's mostly Howard. Howard said he thinks that they blew his head up for that commercial. He said the size of his head is bigger than the other two. He said he looks like a balloon head. He said it's good for the show though.
Howard said he's doing Jimmy Fallon tonight. Robin said she has to get her TiVo ready for that. Howard said someone asked if he's going to prepare for the show. Howard said 3 people are going to be watching it so he doesn't need to prepare. Howard said Jimmy can ask him a few questions. Robin said sometimes he does skits with his guests. Howard said Jimmy is his pre-interview for Letterman. Howard said he's not doing Letterman though. He said they did ask but he said he just did something with Dave so he's going to do some other things.
Howard said he got invited to some cool NBC stuff. He said he was invited to a party but it's on a Monday night at 10 o'clock. He said he can't do that when he has to work the next morning. Howard said he could go for like 10 minutes but then he'd have to leave. He said he's never around when something good is going on.
Robin asked who is going to be at the party. Howard said he's not sure. He did ask if Jay Leno was going to be there but they said he won't be there.
Howard said he saw that Brooklyn Decker is going to be on Fallon with him. He said he wants to just go to her dressing room and ask if he can look at her. Gary said Giada De Laurentiis is going to be on too. They said she's a cook and she has her tits out all the time. Howard said Robin should go out and do what she does with her cook book.
Howard saw a picture of Giada and she does have big tits. Gary said her tits look like they're going to fall in the pot all the time. Howard said he can't imagine that she's attracting women to her show. Gary said she is pretty big on the Food Network. Howard said Robin should try to get on with her cook book.
Robin said that Hall and Oates on The Voice last night looked like Gary and Fred. Howard said that's what he thought too. Howard said it's good seeing those boys on the show.
Howard said he can see that Christina Aguilera is in love with Adam Levine but Adam isn't interested in her since she's fat now. Howard said she looks very frustrated. Robin said that Adam did break up with his girlfriend that he was so in love with. Gary said he sat there talking about how in love he was with her. Gary said maybe she shouldn't have come in with him that day.
Howard talked about some of the stuff that was going on with The Voice and how they said that Adam and Christina were fighting. Howard said that they say he called her a cunt. Howard said he's done things like that. Not in his real life but on the air he has. Robin said she can't relate to that word and why it's so bad. Gary said women hate it.
Gary said they say they have no other guests on The View. Howard said he has no problem with that. He said he can yenta it up with them.
Howard said he's doing The Talk on Monday but the show won't air until Wednesday. He said he's doing the show with Beth. Beth will do one segment and he'll do one. He said that they have one other guest on the show too.
Gary said Howie is doing Leno tomorrow night. Howard said that's good. He didn't know what everyone else was doing.
Howard said he was hearing a wind noise. He shut Robin's mic off and it was her mic. Howard said he can't have it fixed because they now charge him for that stuff. He said they'll have to fire someone if they have it fixed.
Gary said that he just got a note from Beth saying that Giada was at Howard's house. Howard said he must be getting old if he can't remember those tits. Howard said he is so fucked up as a human being. He said Beth can't even believe it.
Robin said he said that Howard influenced him in a very direct way. She said that he saw Howard in London and tried to interview him and he saw Howard and Howard was being fearless. That inspired him to be fearless himself. Robin said he made a decision how to be who he is by seeing Howard. Howard said he didn't hear that. Robin said this moment was being missed by Howard and he didn't want to take it in. Robin said he so admires Sacha's work and he didn't want to hear it. Robin said he was trying to say ''No, really... you changed my life'' but Howard didn't listen. She said Howard should be very honored. Howard said he'd rather hear Robin say it to him.
Robin said Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill have said similar things and Howard talks right over it. Howard said that's his thing. That's his act. Howard said he does get uncomfortable with that stuff. He said he's glad Robin called him about that though. Howard said he loves Sacha Baron Cohen and it was great to have him on the show. Robin said it was so awkward at that point when he was trying to compliment Howard. Howard said that's what he's been in therapy about for 20 years now. He said he doesn't hear that stuff.
Howard just said ''wow'' after hearing that. Howard said she did another song later in the show that the guys recorded. Howard said the show must be so lame that they have her on for two songs. Howard said public access is such a thing of the past. You can have your own show on the internet. He said there's no reason for public access.
Howard played the woman's second song. He said they have to get her on this show. Howard goofed on her awful singing and laughed as it was happening. Fred played some Tarzan yelling clips as she was singing. Fred threw in some elephant sounds too. Howard did his impression of the woman singing as Fred played the sounds.
Howard wondered what that woman looks like. The host applauded her performance. Howard asked the guys what she looked like. Richard said she was pretty hot but she dressed like a gypsy. Richard said she looks kind of like Kari Wuhrer in a movie she did recently. Howard said Kari was pretty hot in the past.
Howard said there's a parody clip going around the internet with Pam Anderson on Wheel of Fortune. Howard said that Pat Sajak just wants to hear from Pam and no one else on the show. Howard said Pat has her bouncing up and down and they lower the wheel so she has to bend over even further.
Howard played more of the public access show. He had to hear more of that woman talking. She was talking about herself as if she's an artist. Howard said he likes that she thinks she's an artist. Robin said she is an artist.
Howard played the woman's song and tried singing along to it. Howard said he should bring her out with him on AGT. He said he would have put her through just to keep her on. He let her song play through some more and laughed. Howard said it's excellent. Fred played some more sound effects as that played. Howard was cracking up hearing the song.
Howard said that chick must be way hot if anyone is putting her on. Howard said she's like that Lana Delray who is really bad but she's hot. Howard was cracking up as Fred played more goofy clips behind the song. Richard said he thinks the dude came at the end of that. Howard said the guy was just thrilled he had a guest. He was cracking up laughing and said ''what a show...'' Richard said he'd make Howard a DVD of the show. Howard said he hasn't laughed that hard in a long time. Robin asked what the host looks like. Richard said he looks like an Italian Long Island guy... like James Gandolfini.
Richard said they have special effects that look like they came from the 1980s. He said the show is on every other Thursday. Howard said he has to see the show. Richard said he Googled the woman's name but nothing came up. Howard said the Chinese must have banned her from searches.
Howard said Macy Gray is coming in today and she's going to cover ''Creep.'' He said that she's very nervous to come in. He said he told her not to be nervous. Howard said she wants to do well and he's sure she will.
In another clip Jean-Claude was meeting some models from the Ukraine. Howard said he shouldn't be hanging out there because he's married. Howard said he'd watch this show if they brought it to the United States. Robin told him they ran it in England already.
Jean-Claude asked for one of the model's numbers. He said it was for a film he was doing. Howard said there's nothing sadder than that. Howard said just hearing that clip makes him remember why he doesn't want to be in a club again. Fred played some club music and Howard did his impression of what was going on there. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Jean-Claude Van Damme on the phone. Howard said he hasn't spoken to Jean-Claude in about 15 years now. Jean-Claude said he's in Belgium right now. He said he's living in Hong Kong and visiting family in Belgium. He said he has a home there too.
Howard asked why he's living in Hong Kong. He said that's about as far away from Hollywood as you can get. Jean-Claude said he still gets scripts living over there. He said it's great living in Hong Kong and it's a non-stop kind of lifestyle. He said he made his first movie there. Jean-Claude said he has good memories from there too. Howard asked if he's banging a lot of Asian chicks. Jean-Claude laughed. Howard said he'll take that as a yes.
Howard asked Jean-Claude about the other jobs he's had and asked if he was a masseur. Jean-Claude said he was. Howard asked if any guys ever tried to get him to rub their penis. Jean-Claude laughed. He said Howard is a funny guy. Howard said he's not trying to be funny. Howard said he's a handsome dude and he's in good shape so he figures a gay dude might ask him to stick his finger up his ass or something. Jean-Claude said he was never propositioned. He said life is strange though. Howard asked if he would rub someone's groin if they asked him to. Jean-Claude said he doesn't think so.
Howard said he had a friend who was a masseur and he claimed that every married chick he ever massaged he would get knuckle deep into their ass. Howard said every one of them wanted to have sex with him. Jean-Claude said ''Oh. My. God.'' He said that this person must not be a masseur. He said he must be something more. Howard said he was a licensed masseur. Howard said he swears that's a true story. Howard asked if he had any women come on to him when he massaged them. Jean-Claude said it does happen but he doesn't remember it. Howard said that's something he would remember.
Howard asked Jean-Claude where he's been. He said he made some great action films and then he disappeared. Jean-Claude said he left the U.S. to travel and get away and relax. He said he settled in Hong Kong for a couple of years and the life is so different there. He said they know how to have fun and relax over there. He said they also work very hard there.
Howard asked if Jean-Claude is broke. Jean-Claude said no and laughed. Howard said he thought he got cleaned out by the women he was married to. Jean-Claude said he's back with Gladys. He said they're still together and their kids are 24, 21, 14 and 15 now. He said things are moving beautiful.
Howard said Jean-Claude must have had a good pre-nup. Jean-Claude said he was married to 4 women and had 5 marriages. Howard said he must think that he's not the marrying type. He said he just kept going back and back for more. Jean-Claude said today it's not a big deal like it used to be. He said that Gladys likes to stay home and it's good to have someone like that. He said she likes to take care of the kids. He said if he told her not to do it then she'd tell him to leave her alone. Jean-Claude said that she was always there for him.
Howard said Gladys is a beautiful woman. Howard asked if he's married to her and he breaks up with her because he met his fourth wife, how do you get her to marry you again. He said that's an amazing accomplishment. Jean-Claude said that they had 3 kids together and it's a difficult question to answer. He said that the women in his life were a part of his life so they have memories together.
Howard asked if he's teaching his kids karate. Jean-Claude said he is doing that. He said he needs someone very strong behind him and his wife is that person.
Jean-Claude told Howard about how he's promoting travel and things like that. Howard asked if he's off all drugs now. Jean-Claude said he is. Howard asked if he's getting side pussy. Jean-Claude said he's never seen pussy on the side before. Howard said he means pussy outside of the marriage. Jean-Claude said Howard loves to talk about sex and pussy. Howard said Jean-Claude must love it too. Howard said he just talks about it, Jean-Claude actually does it.
Howard said he could beat the shit out of Steven Seagal, right? Jean-Claude said he doesn't know. Howard said he read about how they almost had a fight in the late 90s and Sylvester Stallone said that Jean-Claude wanted to take Seagal out back to fight. Seagal just walked out and left. Jean-Claude got mad when he left and went to a club to find him to call him out again. Jean-Claude said it all got started when he was on some show talking about him saying he didn't know martial arts. Jean-Claude said Steven turned down the fight but he doesn't need to fight. Jean-Claude said that fighting is the last form of communication but it's in their DNA to do it.
Jean-Claude told Howard he knows that drinking and fighting isn't good. Howard asked him about fighting with Chuck Zito and Jean-Claude said he would drink and say things he shouldn't have said. Howard said Chuck claims that he knocked him out. Jean-Claude said they could settle that in the ring. Jean-Claude said they were good friends until they had a problem with a lady that came between them. Howard said he heard he told Chuck he had no heart. Jean-Claude said he said something worse than that. He said he won't repeat that though. He said that was like 10 or 11 years ago.
Jean-Claude said Chuck is a nice guy and told Howard to say hello for him. Howard asked if he would fight him in a cage match. Jean-Claude said he has a fight against someone coming up in December. Howard said he read that Chuck was saying that Jean-Claude is keeping him out of The Expendables 2. Jean-Claude said that's not true and he's full of shit. He said he would never do that to anybody. Jean-Claude said that you can come to America and do anything you want and he would never ever tell anyone not to put someone in a movie. Jean-Claude said that's not something he would do. Howard said maybe it was just a feeling that Chuck had. He said he doesn't want to speak for Chuck though. Jean-Claude said he would never do that to anyone.
Howard said all of these guys used to hang out together and they didn't do movies together. Howard said they had big egos and they did their own things. Jean-Claude said they did The Expendables and he saw Arnold and Stallone sitting there. He said he saw them in the same restaurant and thought about how all of the action stars are gone. He said that they want to show that they're all in good shape now. Jean-Claude said they want to be as good as each other and they're trying to be better than the other. He said that's how they keep their physique. He said he was happy to be aroudn all of those guys.
Jean-Claude said he said hello to Sly and Chuck Norris. Howard asked if he talked to Arnold about screwing the maid. Jean-Claude said he won't talk about that. Howard said Arnold really fucked up with that. Howard said Jean-Claude always fucked hot chicks, not someone like that maid. Jean-Claude said that's what people think he does but he's really not like that. Howard said that's bullshit. Jean-Claude said he promises him that he wasn't like that. He said he doesn't go out anymore. He said he doesn't want to go out and drink anymore.
Howard asked Jean-Claude if he's ever seen a crime going down and used his karate for good. Jean-Claude said no, never. Robin said no crime ever happens around him. Jean-Claude said you can do some damage with your fists. He said if you can use your legs people just go to sleep. He said people have no idea where that kick might come from.
Jean-Claude said that he will fight Chuck Zito if Howard wants to set that up. Howard said he'll look into it. Jean-Claude said he knows he's friends with Chuck and he always tries to put the fire between them. Howard said he can't fight himself but he loves to watch people fight. Howard said Chuck has been on the show for years talking about that punch that knocked Jean-Claude out. Howard said he gets that he was drunk at the time. Jean-Claude said something happened in the past between them. He said he came out of that whole thing without a scratch. Jean-Claude said he may have blacked out and said something he doesn't even remember. He said it wasn't a real fight. Chuck knows the truth.
Howard said Jean-Claude was at that event for the Chechnya president and Hillary Swank was there praising the guy. Howard said Jean-Claude was there and they didn't make a big deal about it like they did with Hillary. Howard asked Jean-Claude about what he was doing there. Jean-Claude said he went to meet the guy and he found out he doesn't smoke or drink but then he finds out that he's a criminal. Jean-Claude said that he took a guy from the hotel to tell him what was going on in the country. He said the guy told him about what was going on and how the President came along and cleaned things up. He said you can't clean the table without leaving a few scratches. Jean-Claude said that if he was a bad guy then when he goes on the street they wouldn't love the guy. He said he thinks he did more good than bad. Howard asked if he made someone test his food before eating with those guys in Chechnya. Jean-Claude told Howard that they love America in that country.
Howard said Jean-Claude is in the movie Dragon Eyes. He gave him a plug for that and Jean-Claude told Howard about that movie a little bit. Howard said he has that coming out and he has The Expendables 2 coming out soon too. That's coming out in August. Jean-Claude said he has a movie called ''Soldiers'' coming out too. Howard said it sounds like he's busy. Jean-Claude said he is. He said he's glad that he can be on his show. Howard said he should come in and see them. He said Hong Kong is for losers. Jean-Claude laughed.
Howard asked how often he's banging his wife. Jean-Claude said he can't remember. He said he'll have to count. He said he'll write it down and next time he comes on the show he'll have a number. Howard told him to stay focused and not jerk off or anything. He said he has to stay focused on his wife. Jean-Claude said she's from New York.
Howard said he would have banged Jean-Claude's wife. Howard asked if he's a good lover. Jean-Claude said if you love someone then you can be the best. He said it's all about the chemistry.
Howard said Dragon Eyes is out on DVD now. Howard went over some of the stuff they learned during this call today. Howard mentioned a few of the things they talked about and Jean-Claude said he's taking notes. Howard went over the stuff they learned about Chuck Zito and Steven Seagal. Howard also said that Jean-Claude will be the villain in The Expendables 2. Howard said they learned that the President of Chechnya is a good guy and he will even pull a bus over and drive people aroudn if he has to.
Howard said they learned that Jean-Claude did a little bit of coke. He got away from all of that stuff though. Jean-Claude said he went to rehab but it didn't work. He said going to the gym is what did it for him. Jean-Claude said that drugs will destroy you. Howard said he loves that he can beat people up with his feet. Howard said he'd love to be able to do that. Robin asked if he can still do that split. Jean-Claude said he can. He said he does something very interesting in The Expendables. He said he asked Sly to leave that move in the movie on wide angle so everyone can see.
Howard asked Jean-Claude if he's still good looking or did he hit the wall. Jean-Claude said he's in between. Howard asked if he still has abs. Jean-Claude said he does and he's training a lot. He said when you pass 50 you have to do a lot of cardio. He told Howard that he has a whole program for getting older people into shape. Robin said that's what Howard needs. Howard said he watches that stuff and it doesn't work for him. Howard said he's all for training though.
Jean-Claude said that he's not the showman there but he said this was as beautiful as ever. He said Chuck Zito is a nice guy too. He said Steven Seagal is a nice guy too. Jean-Claude said without the audience he wouldn't be talking to Howard so he has to thank them too. Howard told him to stay away from the coke. Howard wrapped up and let Jean-Claude go a short time later.
Howard said that was the great Jean-Claude Van Damme. Howard said he's been hours of entertainment for him. Howard said he was in Kick Boxer and there's a video of him doing nothing but kicking people. He said it's almost the entire movie. Howard said now they know what happened to the guy.
Howard said he'd love to see Jean-Claude and Chuck go into the ring. Robin said they should put it together. She said the last time they did it was with Frank Stallone and Geraldo. Robin said they can do it Vegas. Howard said he's not going back there. They can do it in Atlantic City. Howard asked what they have to do. Robin said they have to do some work. Robin said they have to get some kind of license. Howard said that's trouble. Howard said Fred probably has a license. Fred said he can bring his Don King wig. Howard said Tom Chiusano had to get one for the Stuttering John and Cabbie fight.
Howard said it's funny that Jean-Claude is living in Hong Kong. He said he likes that he said he moved there because he can get a foot massage at 3am. That led to Fred doing his French accent and talking about getting a massage. Howard said they have to take a break but Macy Gray is coming in next. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he has Macy Gray coming in and they have the band warming up now. Howard said he was directing the band during the break. Howard said he was trying to help out.
Howard said it was good to see Macy. Howard said he got a copy of her new album (Covered) and he liked what he heard. Howard said he can't remember how he got a copy of it. He said he does love cover versions of songs and she has such an unusual voice that it was good.
Howard asked how Letterman went. Macy said it went great. She said she didn't get couch time though. Howard asked she was upset about that. Macy said some people are afraid that she'll say something she's not supposed to. Howard said that's what he's hoping for today.
Howard said he heard that Macy was sent to a white boarding school. Macy said she thinks that all boarding schools are white. Howard said Macy grew up in Ohio and she has such an unusual voice. He asked if it was tough talking to people in class. Macy said the kids would have an imitation of her and they would laugh at her. Howard asked if any of the teachers defended her. Macy said there wasn't one. She said people still make fun of her voice but she's gotten over it.
Macy asked what time Howard has to get up and do the show. Howard said he gets up at like 4. Howard said it's probably when she's going to bed.
Howard asked if she likes being a singer. Macy said she loves it. Howard asked when she started singing. She said she went to USC and did it in college. Howard asked why they sent her to a boarding school. She said her parents wanted her to have a good education and the public school where she lived wasn't good. She said her mom wanted her to go to school and get a good education. She said her mom is a teacher and her dad worked in a steel mill and owned a barber shop. Howard asked if they smacked her aroudn when they heard she wanted to be a singer. She said they laughed at her. She said they told her she doesn't even talk that much. Howard asked if she tried to prove to them that it was worthwhile. She said she did and her demos didn't quite live up to what they were used to.
Howard said he heard that she's upset that most of her audience is white. Macy said she never said that. Howard said he's making it like she's saying it but he's saying it himself. Macy said she has a huge black following and she's never really thought about it like that. She said her concerts are generally white fans but she's used to it. She said she's never really thought about it like that.
Howard asked if Macy was the one black kid at the boarding school. She said there were only 44 of them in a class of 468. Macy said most of the teachers are white and most of the kids are wealthy. Howard said most of the faces must have looked like his. Macy said they did. Howard said she must have been freaked out by that. Howard asked Macy if she felt like a fish out of water when she went to USC. Macy said she didn't at all.
Howard asked Macy if her brother and sister are jealous of her. She said that they still treat her bad, nothing has changed. She said that her sister is at her house right now and her brother is in Philly.
Howard asked if it's true that her mother was a nudist. She said her mother did walk around the house naked. Howard said he heard Macy likes to walk around the house naked too. Macy said she got that from her mother. She said her mom would take a shower and run down to cook something real quick. She said she just didn't have the time to put her clothes on. Howard asked if the kids asked her to put some clothes on. She said they did.
Howard asked if Macy thinks she's had a hard life. Macy said she knows people who have had harder lives. Howard said Macy had a tough time early on in her career. He said she signed her first record deal and they never put out her album. Howard said that's a huge blow. Macy said she was pregnant at the time so that was one thing. She said she did it with a rock and roll band and they didn't think she represented rock and roll at the time. Howard asked if anyone has heard that album. She said no but she has it and she thinks it's pretty awesome.
Howard asked Macy if she told that record company how idiotic they are for not putting it out. Macy said she doesn't even think about it.
Howard said Macy had a hit song, I Try, and then her marriage broke up. Macy said she broke up before that came out. Howard said that has to be tough being a single mom. Macy said it is hard for any mother really. Howard said she got involved with drugs for a while too. Macy said she did but she didn't want to be specific. She said she has done shrooms. She said that was just experimental. Howard asked if she lost her way for a while. Macy said she got distracted for a while.
Howard asked Macy about going to jail. Macy said she went once for petty theft. She had some traffic tickets and she didn't show up for that. She was put away for that. Macy said she was only in for a few days each time. She said the longest was 4 days. Howard asked if she was naked in jail. Macy said those girls scared her so she wasn't naked. Howard said that's scary. Macy said she was strip searched the second time. She said that was not fun. She said all of the people are mean and grumpy that work there too. She said they don't want to work there so they're all mean.
Macy told Howard that she made friends with one of her bunk mates. She said she did have her sandwich stolen from her at lunch once. Howard said he'd never eat again if he went to jail. He said someone would probably steal it all the time. Howard asked if she's ever had a fight. Macy said just with her brother and sister and cousins. They weren't real fights.
Howard said he loves when artists fight and he heard that she was fighting with Mariah Carey. Macy said she once said she'd fight Mariah Carey after seeing her in a video fighting herself but it was just a joke.
Howard said he saw that Macy tweeted that she was nervous coming in so he wrote to her telling her that she shouldn't be nervous. She said that was very sweet of him to do that.
Howard asked Macy about some lesbian experiences she's had. Macy said she has men and women. She said she was trying to remember when she was with her first woman. Macy said that it was probably alcohol induced that first time. She said that the woman was super hot. Howard said he has to think about that. Howard asked who it was. Macy said she's sort of famous so she doesn't want to say who it is. She said her mom is going to hear this too so she didn't want to talk about that. Howard asked if it was Mariah Carey. Macy laughed and said he's going to get her into trouble. Howard asked if she's the secretary of state in the United States. Macy said absolutely not. Howard asked if it was Pam Anderson. Macy said it wasn't her either. She said she is an actress though. Howard and Gary were trying to guess who it was. Howard asked if it was Gabourey Sidibe. Macy didn't know who she was. Howard said she played Precious and Macy laughed.
Howard kept asking Macy about who it could be. Howard asked if it was Chaz Bono. Macy said no and said that she's a man now anyway. Howard said that wouldn't be gay then.
Howard talked to the guys in the band for a minute. He asked if nay of them tried to score with her. Howard said she's worth $34 million from what he read. Macy said she read that and she's wondering where the money is.
Howard said he read that Macy is going out on tour with Seal. Macy said that starts this summer. Howard asked if she gets to hang out with him on a tour like that. Macy said she has been on some tours where they all hang out. She said if they don't hang out then it's not because of her.
Howard said he's still trying to figure out who Macy was with. Macy wasn't talking. Howard said he's thinking it's Tila Tequila. Macy said she's not sure she could be with a woman named Tequila.
Howard asked Macy how she hooked up with this band. She said they're all great at what they do. She said she's not just saying that either.
Howard asked Macy if she plays piano. She said she plays piano, guitar and drums. Howard said his piano teacher killed himself. Howard said he hated piano lessons. He said he took them for 5 years and then the guy hung himself. Howard said he was a nice guy but he thinks he hated him. He said that he never practiced and he hated him for that. Howard said he was relieved when he found out he didn't have to take lessons.
Howard told Macy that he grew up in an all black neighborhood. He said that he was the only white kid there for a while. Macy asked how that was. Howard sarcastically said he had a great time growing up.
Howard said Macy has said she doesn't like cover versions but she heard someone else doing a cover and it inspired her to do one herself. Macy said she heard Nina Simone covering Sinatra's ''My Way'' and she wanted to do it herself.
Howard talked to Macy about how he's a judge on America's Got Talent and he thinks he's going to be very constructive telling people what he thinks. Howard said even if he yells at someone it's constructive because it'll get these people to get a real job instead of doing their dopey stuff.
Howard had Macy do her thing. Macy and her band performed a cover of Radiohead's ''Creep.'' After the song Howard was still asking her about the lesbian experience and asked if it was Paris Hilton. Macy said it wasn't her either.
Howard said Macy has a very easy way of singing. He said she doesn't force it at all. He said some singers really push it.
Howard said Macy had that huge hit ''I Try'' and he heard that she walked in to play the song for her husband and he was busy watching a basketball game or something. He brushed her off and didn't think much about the song. Macy said that she was shocked when it became really popular. She said she can't tell when a song is going to be a big hit like that. Howard said she must have thought that she had other songs that should have been big hits. Macy said of course. Macy said she thought it was a mistake letting that song out as a single. She said she got the call when she was in England and found out it was number 1. She said she came home to New York and when they landed they went to the Gap and she got mobbed at the Gap. That's when she knew that people knew who she was.
Macy said she was walking down the street with her new fur coat and she thought people were looking at her because of that. She said it was a beautiful coat. Howard asked if that was the best feeling of her life. Macy said it was great because she wasn't expecting it. She said now she puts stuff out and you expect that and it doesn't happen.
Howard asked Macy if she has the record company asking her to write another hit. She said she thinks all of her songs are good and she tries.
Howard said he read that Macy moved back in with her parents before she had this big hit. Macy said her husband left her when she was 7 months pregnant so she had to move back in. Howard said she must have felt like a failure at the time. Macy said she was thinking about going back to school to become a teacher or something. Howard said she's had a weird career. Macy said it really is. She said it's pretty crazy. Howard said he can't figure it out.
Robin asked what made Macy choose the songs she did for the album. Macy said they have a lot of covers from bands like Metallica, Kanye West, Radiohead and others. Howard asked if she heard from any of the bands. Macy said the guys in Metallica really liked her cover. Howard said that must feel pretty cool. Macy said it is pretty cool.
Howard said Macy is great and he thinks that some day she'll come in and reveal the name of that woman she was with. Howard said it was Courteney Cox. Macy said he's going to get her in trouble. She said it wasn't Courteney. Howard said the band looks very tired. He said they just want to go back to bed.
Howard gave Macy some plugs for her tour and said he'd like to know what Seal is up to. Howard said when Seal and Heidi Klum got married the press couldn't get enough pictures of them. He said he thinks it's because he's black and Heidi is white. Macy said they photograph every celebrity couple. Howard asked if she would help Seal out with his heavy load if he asked her to. She said with her luck she'd be on her ''monthly'' and not be able to do anything. Howard said that wouldn't slow Seal down. Howard said he'd just put a towel on the bed.
Macy told Howard she's going to watch America's Got Talent this season. Howard said he thinks he does a good job. He said Sharon and Howie argued with him a lot in the final 48 but he thinks he knows best. Robin asked Macy if she would go on a show like that if she was trying to get her career going today. Macy said she probably would. She said she did one show for two people one time. Howard said that's good for her to do something like that. Howard said you need to get out and get in a lot of practice. Howard wrapped up with Macy and went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Vanity Fair had an article about Howard's stardom fading. Howard said he wishes they had interviewed him about that. The caller said his luster is fading and he's going on AGT to regain his stardom. Howard said that's ridiculous. He said they have to write something. Howard said people have been writing this since 1983. He said that they write it every few years and they're fucking morons.
The caller said he thinks he could replace Piers Morgan in Larry King's spot. Howard said he wouldn't want that job. Howard said the real driving force to go on AGT is because he thought it would be funny to see him sitting there and his fans would get a kick out of it. Howard said he doesn't need more fame or more money. He said it's such a weird speculation. Howard said they used to write about him doing his movie and doing his book and they'd say he was desperate. He said he'd have a 10 rating in the morning and they'd call him desperate. Howard said he didn't know how big he was that he'd even be fading.
Howard said he has a proposition for the caller. Howard asked where he lives. The guy, Dennis, said he lives in Palm Beach, Florida. Howard asked if he wanted to play a game for $1,000 thanks to DontBeBroke.com. Howard said he has to match up with Gary the Retard.
Howard said they asked Gary the Retard if he can say a word that starts with the letter Q. Gary said ''I don't know...'' Howard said what Dennis has to do is guess if Gary can answer the next one. They asked Gary if he could say a word that starts with the letter C. Howard said if Dennis gets it right he wins $1,000. Dennis said he thinks that Gary can get that one. Howard had Fred lock him in on that answer. Fred said he thinks that the letter C is as close to a slam dunk as you can get. Howard played Gary's answer and said ''Dog... no cat?'' Dennis won the money.
Howard said it's fun to play this game. Dennis told Howard that he's tried to get his kids to listen to the show since he grew up listening to him. He said they're all looking forward to watching him on AGT. He said that his son is 14 and his daughter is 6 and they love the show. He doesn't let his daughter listen all the time but his son gets to. Howard said that's great that the kids will be watching AGT. Howard thanked him for playing the game.
Robin asked if they could play another Gary the Retard game. Howard said they asked Gary if he could come up with a word that starts with the letter E. Robin said no way. Howard played Gary's answer and he said ''I know something that stars with E... Howard Stern.''
Howard said they asked Gary to come up with a word that starts with the letter J. Howard and Robin said no way. Fred said he might be able to do it. Gary's answer was ''J... Sal.''
Howard said the next letter was D. Howard said he thinks he can do it. Robin said yes and so did Fred. Benjy agreed. Gary's answer was ''Dog.''
Howard said he'd love to get Bob Eubanks to host a game show like this. He did an impression of Eubanks doing the game. Howard said he thinks that parents give up after the letter D when their kid is slow.
Howard said the next letter is K. Benjy said that's an easy one. Gary said no way. Howard said no. Gary's answer was ''Cat.''
Howard said the next letter was H. Robin said he must know Howard Stern. Robin said she's going to say yes. Howard said she's already won $6,000. He asked if she wanted to bet it all on this one. Robin said she would do that. Howard said she can quit now. Robin laughed. Howard played Gary's answer and it was ''Home.'' Howard said Robin is going to Vegas. He said she's amazing. Robin said that was pretty amazing. Howard wondered how he came up with that. He thought for sure Robin was out of it at that point.
Howard said he saw that Pepsi made a deal to use Michael Jackson in their commercials. Robin said that's strange because Michael died from being anesthetized at night. That's just weird. Howard said maybe they'll have him sleeping in the commercial.
Howard said the Ugly Meter App was the number one app and even beat out Angry Birds. He said that's something. He said that's the guy with the Ugly Meter. Robin said that's all Ronnie. They played the song parody about Ronnie being a zero after that.
Howard said a lot of people were writing in about Ronnie's staged fight. He said people are writing songs about that too. Howard said he has so many songs. He tried to find the Ronnie songs. Gary told him where to find them. Howard played one that was to the tune of the Three Stooges theme. That was by Sal. Howard said someone did one to the theme of Jackass. they had Ronnie saying ''dude'' and laughing a lot in that one. Howard said they spent some time talking about that on the Wrap Up Show yesterday.
Howard said they had a weird wrap up show recently where Richard and Ronnie talked about blowing each other for a million bucks. Howard said he's thinking about it and he can't imagine. Howard said it was a weird discussion.
Ronnie came in and said that he never said he'd do a TV special. Howard said no one is going to give them a million bucks to do it off camera. Richard said it would have to be on TV. Ronnie said he's not doing it for TV. Robin tried to ask him a question but Ronnie said he's not going to listen to Robin anymore. He said she's back to emasculating guys.
Richard said he's not going to blow Ronnie for two hours waiting for him to cum. He said he'd want him to finish quick. Gary said they were trying to figure it all out and wondering if Ronnie cumming was gayer than not cumming. Richard said he thinks that Ronnie could watch some porn and do it. Howard asked Ronnie if he thinks that he could really get hard. Ronnie said he's not sure. He said if they come up with the million bucks then they'll find out.
Richard said he thinks that it's not that gay if Ronnie has a rubber on. Ronnie said he'd insist on the rubber. Richard said he doesn't brush his teeth that much so he'd want that. Richard said he would help Ronnie out with his balls and stuff. He said Mike Morales would coach him on that.
Gary said that there are some people who might underbid them and do it cheaper. Ronnie said he wants his million no matter what. Gary asked Benjy if he would get involved. Benjy said he'd have to do it for more. Howard said it's so not fun to involve Benjy. Benjy tried talking but Howard had turned his mic off.
Howard asked Richard if he thinks this is gay. Richard said some people think it is but he thinks it's hilarious. Howard said he might have the pay-per-view special of all time. He said he could have them do their thing and then have Chuck Zito and Jean-Claude Van Damme fight. Howard said they might not want to be a part of that.
Howard said it would be the gayest an manliest hour of TV ever. Howard said they'd go from super gay to super manly.
Gary said they already got an offer for the venue for the fight. Citi Field is the venue. Gary said he'd watch that stuff there. Howard said Ronnie shouldn't get the money if he doesn't cum. Ronnie asked why not. Howard said he has to earn that money. Richard said they could have Debbie the Cum Lady check his condom.
Howard asked Ronnie what he's doing today. He's acting weird. He said he's scratching his neck and talking funny. Ronnie asked why scratching his neck is funny. Howard said it just looked weird.
Howard said Richard is going to lick his balls and stick a finger in his ass. Ronnie said he doesn't need that. Richard asked if he takes over or under an hour to finish. Ronnie said he's never timed it.
Ronnie said that Citi Field isn't going to want this. He said they'll end up selling tickets in the studio. Gary said he thinks that AshleyMadison.com might be willing to pay for Richard and Ronnie. He said he'll get Noel on the phone next week. Howard asked Ronnie if he thinks he can cum. Ronnie said he can't guarantee anything. Howard said he has got to cum to collect. Ronnie said Richard has to blow him until he cums then. Howard said they'll have to handcuff them together. Robin sounded shocked that they appeared to be serious about this. Howard said that would be something if Ronnie came from a blow job from Richard. Richard said his wife has already said it's okay with her.
Ronnie asked Richard what he would do with the money. Richard said he'd invest it. Ronnie said he'd be gone if he did it. He said he'd retire and leave the show. Howard and Robin both sounded like they were shocked by all of this.
King of All Blacks called in and said he can't believe what he's hearing. He said he can't believe that Ronnie would suck Richard off. Howard said it's the other way around. Ronnie would be getting sucked off by Richard. King asked why Ronnie would do this. Ronnie said all he's going to do is lay back and relax. King said he can't believe this. He said that's fucking gay. Ronnie said he'd keep his eyes closed. Howard said he thinks Ronnie should stand and Richard should be on his knees.
Ronnie said he has to get a million bucks cash, tax free. Howard said they'll work on it. Ronnie said he wants a hot chick standing nearby. Howard said that would be cheating. JD said that they should have Ronnie pull off his condom and jerk off all over Richard's face. Richard said if he can wear goggles he'll do that. Howard said he should be able to do that without the goggles. Richard said he'll do it then. Richard said he'll even finish him off if he pops off the condom. Ronnie said he's cool with that. Howard said this is great. Richard said this will be the funniest thing ever.
Howard said he would never do something like this himself. He said he's never even thought about it. Howard said he would put this show on though. Howard said he's not sure they can put this on Sirius. He said they can't do it in the building even. Howard said this would be some special. Howard said Richard might play with Ronnie's asshole a little bit. Ronnie said he's not going to do that.
Howard asked Ronnie if he can't cum after an hour, what's he going to do. Ronnie said he doesn't know. Howard asked Richard if he'll talk dirty to Ronnie. Richard said he can do that. Ronnie said that would be stupid. Richard started talking dirty and Fred did his impression of Ronnie responding. Howard said they could fly Richard's parents into the city for this. Richard said if they get a free trip to New York he'd be fine with that. He said he'll buy them a new farm with his million bucks.
Howard asked Richard if he has a technique. Richard said he's never gotten that close. The guys brought in a banana for Richard to practice on. Richard gave it a try and gave oral to the banana. He was gagging on the banana and looking over at Ronnie. Ronnie asked why he was looking at him. Ronnie started to walk out. He was afraid that Richard was going to puke. Richard took about half the banana down according to Ronnie.
Sal came in wearing the Ronnie mask and had Howard cracking up. Sal and Richard were making up the whole sex act and Ronnie said he's having second thoughts about the whole thing. Howard was cracking up. Ronnie said he has to think about this now. He said they have to let him know if they come up with the money.
Richard asked how big he is down there. Ronnie said he's about average. Howard figured that was about 6 inches. Ronnie said that's about right. Howard said he thought Ronnie was doing alright financially. Ronnie said he is.
Howard said the worst part of this whole thing is that he has to talk to Noel Biderman. He said he'll let them know what the deal is when he finds out. Howard had to end that discussion and read a live commercial. Howard was laughing as he read the commercial because he was thinking about this whole thing. Howard said he was just saying how Ronnie doesn't make the right decisions. They went to break after that.
Robin started off reading a story about an 11 year old girl who committed suicide. Robin said she was texting her friends suicidal thoughts and they did nothing about it. Howard said they may not know what to do. Howard said it must be really sad to be so depressed when you're 11. Robin said the girl ended up hanging herself.
Robin asked Howard what the most common way is to commit suicide in New York. Howard figured it was going on the subway. Robin said it's actually hanging. Robin said the next one is jumping off a building. Robin said the next most common is.... Howard figured it was listening to Imus. Robin said it's actually poisoning. Robin said the next one is firearms. Robin said the next one is subway related. Howard said that's so violent. Howard said there has to be a better way.
Robin asked Howard if it's a crime to view kiddie porn. Howard said you shouldn't be involved. He said he knows what the story is. He said they found that it's not illegal to look at it but to own it is. Howard said the whole thing has got to end. Robin said they ruled that viewing it online is not illegal under state law.
Robin read about another masseur who has come forward saying that John Travolta came on to him during a session. Robin read the details of the charges and what these guys are claiming happened. Howard said he thinks that these guys are propositioned all the time and they could just walk out. He said he's not sure what the problem is. Howard said if it is true then Travolta should just come out so he can go aroudn with a boyfriend. Howard said it just blows. Gary said that the lawyer is saying there are more masseurs coming out of the closet to join the case.
Benjy told Howard about some of the other details of the case and how Travolta was allegedly claiming that he isn't gay but he was forced to do it coming up in Hollywood and things like that. Benjy said that's what he was reading in one of the articles. Howard played a prank call that Sal and Richard made to a guy who had an ad for a gay masseur. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read about a retired baseball player that's been accused of molesting a young girl. Robin said he was working as a youth baseball coach at the time.
Robin read about the Son of Sam killer, David Berkowitz, having to remain in jail after his parole was denied.
Robin read about a hot dog vendor who got into some trouble for allegedly selling herself. Robin said that she was moonlighting as a prostitute in her hot dog truck. The woman claims that she's going to keep going for another 15 years. Gary said she's a bit of a wreck. He said he saw her on the news. Robin said that she gives out cards for her stripping company but the cops claim that she also solicits for prostitution. The woman claims that she just did a lap dance for the guy and he was the one who asked for a sex act.
Robin read a story about President Obama talking about a slow but steady improvement in the economy. Howard asked Robin who she thinks will win the election. Robin said she thinks it's still up in the air.
Robin read about how Rick Santorum has thrown his support behind Mitt Romney. She had some audio from The Tonight Show with Jay Leno where Jay and Rick were talking about gay marriage and also about Mitt Romney. Howard said he can't take someone seriously if they're against gay marriage. He said it's no business of theirs and he doesn't care what they think.
Howard said if Ronnie gets oral from Richard he has got to wear a Trojan... He was leading into a live commercial. Howard said maybe they don't want to be a part of that whole thing.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about North Carolina which just passed a law defining marriage as being between one man and one woman. Robin said it bans any civil union or domestic partnership.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's going to be on The Talk on Monday. Howard said he is. The caller said that Sara Gilbert is against circumcision so he can talk about that. The caller said that some babies have gotten herpes from the Moyle who has sucked on the penis during a circumcision. Howard said he and Beth have talked about that if they did have a kid. Howard said they're convinced the kid would be gross. Howard said that's because of him, not because of Beth.
Robin read about Rick Perry supporting Mitt Romney now too. She had some audio of Perry talking about how Romney will be better for this country than Obama.
Robin read about this pink slime story and how some people are talking about how people are over reacting to what's going on with it. Robin said that some companies have had to shut down plants permanently because of the stories that have been in the news lately. Robin said they think there's much ado about nothing. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk. Jeff asked about doing The Talk on Monday and if he's doing the radio show too. Howard said he is and he'll be taping that show and it'll be airing on Wednesday.
Howard took another call from a guy who said Beth looked fantastic on Ellen the other day. He also liked the picture of the seal that Howard took. Howard said he made a big blow up of that photo for Ellen. She wanted to buy it but he's making her a copy.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that his wife was listening to CNN and MSNBC and they were saying that AGT is looking to kick him off the show. Howard said he hadn't heard that. The caller said that the mother and parents of a 15 year old girl are complaining about something Howard said to their daughter. Howard said that's just not true. Howard said that's what people are expecting but he's being perfectly appropriate on the show. Howard said the things going on with this show are out of hand. He said it's that parent group that's spreading this nonsense. Howard said he's super appropriate. He said he doesn't mind all of the reports about them wanting him kicked off. He said it just helps. He said these people at the PTC are just trying to get money. He said the shows you're going to see over the next couple of weeks are taped and they can edit them. Howard said he critiqued the acts and that's it.
Robin read about this guy who turned on Al Qaeda to turn in the bomber in Yemen. Robin said that the guy infiltrated the group and he was taken out before he was discovered.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he thinks the girls on The View are going to attack him tomorrow. Howard said he doesn't think so. He said he's not sure how any one of them could win in an argument against him. He said if he feels he's being attacked he'll address it. The caller said he's not sure about that Joy Behar. Howard said she's fine. Howard said it would be funny if they physically attacked him, knocked him out and tied him up.
Robin asked Howard if he thinks it's wrong for Obama congratulating himself on getting Obama. Howard said he does. He said it's like people who donate to charity and brag about it all the time. Howard said it's like Imus bragging about his cancer ranch all the time. He said you don't pat yourself on the back when you do something like that. Howard said Obama will get credit for it but he should let other people say it and not say it himself. Robin said that Senator John McCain was talking about how heroes don't brag. She had some audio of that. Howard said he agrees with him on that.
Robin read some news about Oprah's OWN network and what's going on with that.
Robin read about a 29 year old man who was arrested for driving drunk and had his kids strapped to the roof of the car. Robin said he just had to go 3 blocks.
Robin read about how there will be a sequel to The Avengers. She said that there is no time of arrival for that yet though.
Robin read about the winner of The Voice that was announced last night. Robin had some audio of the announcement being made. Robin had some audio of Justin Bieber on the show too.
Robin said that Melissa Gilbert ended her run on Dancing with the Stars last night. Howard said she's going to go home and do nothing. He said he hopes someone calls her for some work. Howard said they still call her Half Pint on the show sometimes. Howard played some audio of her talking about how great her partner was. Howard said that guy is a dick. He gets mad at the judges when they criticize his dancers. He called the guy a stupid fuck.
Robin read about Sacha Baron Cohen going out and promoting his new movie ''The Dictator'' and saying he'd back Mitt Romney because he has the makings of a great dictator. Robin had Howard play some audio of that and of Sacha talking about Tupac Shakur and how he was the one who got rid of him for telling him to put his hands in the air like he just don't care. He said Biggie Smalls ate half his buffet so he had to get rid of him too. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show at around 10:35am.
Benjy said he thought Howard was in a really good mood today. He said maybe that's because he's in a good mood himself. Jon said Howard did say he was tired. He said he was laughing harder than he's ever laughed during a couple parts of the show today though.
The guys also brought up Robin's thoughts on the word ''cunt'' and how she doesn't even respond to it like some people do.
Jon brought up Howard's appearances and how he forgot that he had Giada to his house. Jon said Robin noticed that Howard doesn't take compliments very well. Jon said Howard says he doesn't take compliments very well. Gary said that's true. He said he's tried to tell Howard things where he just gets the brush off. He said he thinks Howard doesn't know how to deal with a compliment.
Jon also brought up the woman they played in that prank call Sal and Richard made. Richard said he found some more songs by that woman. Gary wondered why people don't tell her to stop singing. Richard said he didn't put her name in that clip because he didn't want her getting bummed out. Richard said she's trying and he thinks it's funny. Richard said to some people that might be avant garde and they may like it. He said maybe it'll be a whole new style. Gary said maybe she's like Yoko Ono.
Gary asked Richard if he's spoken to his wife about this. Richard said he has and she told him to go for it. She said as long as he's not messing aroudn with another woman she's fine. Richard said she knows it's funny and she was laughing about it. He said they joke about it all the time. Richard said he's worried about scaring Ronnie off by looking into his eyes with that banana in his mouth. He said it was kind of creepy.
Benjy said he commends Richard on this. He said he knows he doesn't like some parts of it and he isn't into it in a sexual way. He said he's sure he's not happy his parents might see it. Richard said his parents have a good sense of humor. Jon said this is a little more than having a good sense of humor. Richard said they saw him lick Sal's balls and they were fine with it.
Jon said the guys have agreed that Ronnie has to cum. Richard said he does and they still think that it's not gay. Gary said it is gay if the guy finishes in your mouth. Richard said maybe it is for Ronnie. Richard is fine with it.
Gary said he can't imagine that either of them will be able to sleep the night before. Richard said he'll be fine with it. Benjy said that they have to do it to completion so he's counting on Ronnie to finish or they'll be doing it for zero. Richard said that's the part of any contest. He said there is a risk that they won't win.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that it's about time Richard came out of the closet. Richard said Sal wants nothing to do with this. Gary was thinking that he would blow Sal. Richard said he'd do it for the money. He said he's so close with Sal there would be something weird about it and it might ruin their friendship in some way. He said he's friends with Ronnie in some way but there's something different about doing it to him. He's not as worried about it with him.
Gary asked if someone came in and undercut him for 950,000. Richard said they can do it. He said he'll back out. Gary said he was told that Ralph would do it for less. Richard said he doesn't mind. He said he'll sit there laughing his ass off at whoever does it.
Gary said they can't even do this whole thing there in the building. He said that they may have to fly somewhere to get it done.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Richard would do it for 50 grand. He said now that it's a million he's going to do it. He said he must want to do it. Richard said it's a win-win for him. He said that he could lose out on the money if they don't do it. Jon said that he could lose it if Ronnie doesn't cum. Benjy asked if Richard came first, would they still get the money. Richard said Jon Hein can keep his hand on his crotch and test to see if he gets a boner. He said he's not gay so he knows he won't get a boner.
Richard said he has seen gay porn and he isn't turned on by it at all. He said if he did get turned on then he'd have to have a deep conversation with himself. Gary said he'd have to talk to his wife too.
Richard said that no guy will ever blow him. Benjy asked if he thinks that it's gay that Ronnie could possibly complete it with him. Richard said he doesn't think so.
Jon took a call from Ralph who said he's not sure about undercutting Richard. He said he's sure he can't cum from Richard blowing him. Ralph said he's not going to blow anyone. Richard said he'd rather not blow Ralph. He said it's funny with Ronnie. He said he's not sure that Ralph would be as uncomfortable with the whole thing.
Ralph said he sees giving it as being much gayer than taking it. He said both acts are gay though. Benjy said maybe they could work on a couple of guys and whoever cums first gets the money. Gary said he has this disgusting vision in his head seeing Richard really working it and spitting on the guy's cocks. Richard said he'll spit if he has to.
Gary asked Ralph if he would do it for a million bucks even though it's a gay act. Ralph said he would do it but it is a gay act. They had to go to break a short time later.
Gary said that people are still going to say that he came from a man blowing him. Richard asked if there's something wrong with that. Gary said there might be some people who have a problem with that. Richard said in New York he thinks they'd be okay. Gary said in Kansas he might not.
Gary asked Ralph how his mom would react. Ralph said he'd make sure she wouldn't find out. He said his sister might tell her but he'd just give her 10 grand to shut up. Ralph said he'd be gone if he got a million bucks. He said he'd go to the Bahamas somewhere and live it out on the beach.
Benjy said that a million isn't that much money. Ralph said it's a lot of money and you could live off the interest alone. Jon said that's a lot of money but it doesn't solve everything. He said Ralph could live a life like he was talking about. Gary said Ronnie could also collect Social Security.
Ralph said he might be able to do it if he didn't cum for a whole month. He asked where he would finish. Richard said there was talk of Ronnie finishing on his face. Richard said he'd rather not but if he has to do that then he'll do it.
Ralph asked if he finishes on his face then does he finish himself off or does Richard do it. Richard said he'd have to do it. Ralph laughed. He said he's sure that they could get the money for this too. Jon said he thinks that Noel Biderman might be willing to try this. Gary said he won't say it's a slam dunk but he also won't say that it's not going to happen.
Benjy asked Ronnie if he could his limp penis between Richard's butt cheeks and not cum. Ronnie said he won't do that. Ralph asked Ronnie if he cums a lot. Ronnie said he's never measured that. Gary asked if Richard would be up for a second bonus round. Richard said he'd have to think about it. The guys had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:15am.
Mob Rat Anthony Fiato Calls In. 5/10/99. 7:10am
An ex-mafia guy by the name of Anthony Fiato called in to plug his book ''The Animal in Hollywood: Anthony Fiato's Life in the Mafia.'' Unfortunately he was on a crappy phone and was kind of hard to understand at times. He told Howard about how he got started in the mob at 17 years old and eventually had to get out and snitch on some people to save his brother. He also had a story about how he got to bang Denise Brown, OJ Simpson's ex-sister-in-law. He even said that after Stuttering John did an interview with Denise he was ready to take him out. John said that he's really paranoid now after hearing that. After the interview Howard got call from a guy in the mafia who was pissed at Howard for having a ''rat'' on the air. Fiato called back in and argued with the guy for a few minutes but eventually gave up and hung up the phone.
Lisa G's Howard 100 News Preview. 05/10/07. 7:15am
Lisa said that they also have Shuli who spoke to Deepak Chopra about working with Tim Sabean. He's been helping him out with meditation but Tim is only doing it 3 days a week. Deepak thinks he needs at least 5 days. Lisa also said that they have a new Page 69 gossip segment about how Scott the Engineer got himself into to a sponsor meeting that he wasn't invited to. Gary said that they invited a bunch of the guys from the show so Scott may have thought they just forgot to invite him. Howard said he can't believe that and went into his Scott impression. Scott came in a short time later and said that a bunch of guys were telling him to just go over there so he did. He didn't eat anything because he was on a diet. Scott said that he's a nobody and then said ''I guess I'm embarrassing to be around so fuck everyone!'' and walked out. Artie said that he thinks that guy is going to shoot everyone there. Howard went to break after that.
Scott The Engineer To Be Invited To Every Party. 05/10/07. 7:30am
During the commercial break the guys talked about Scott losing it a few minutes before. Artie said he almost passed out from laughing so hard at that whole thing. Howard said he wants to make sure that Scott is invited to every party from now on so he called Scott back in there. Scott said ''fuck everyone'' again when he came in but he sounded like he was joking around. Howard told him he was going to have this new edict that says he'll be invited to everything from now on. Sal and Richard came in blowing party horns and putting a cone hat on his head.
Howard told Scott that he will be invited to everything from now on. Scott said he was sorry he showed up to that meeting without an invitation. He said that everyone from the show was there so maybe he made a mistake by going in there. He knows he's not the most exciting bulb, or the lightest bulb or whatever they say. Artie started laughing when he heard him trying to explain all of that.
Howard said the funny thing about Scott is that he doesn't go to things he's invited to and then shows up to something he's not invited to. Robin said that she failed to invite him to a party one time and he yelled at her for that, then she invites him to stuff and he doesn't show up. Howard got back to the commercial he was in the middle of and finished up the break.
More with Scott The Engineer. 05/10/07. 7:40am
After the commercial break Howard said that Scott the Engineer was on a rampage and yelled at their sale guy Sam Benrubi out in the hall. He was one of the guys keeping Scott out of the party. Scott came in and said that he told Sam that if he had a problem with him, he should have said something to him. He said that Sam actually whispered something to Jason and asked him what he was doing there. Scott said he realized he had made a mistake and left the room after a couple of minutes. He doesn't know what he did to offend these people though.
Howard asked Scott what it's like when Ross and Ben have to go into a corner and talk about getting someone out of the room. Howard wondered if Scott dislikes Ross. Scott said that Ross seems like a guy who doesn't want to hang out with him because he thinks he's better than him or something. Howard said that Scott has been on this show for 21 years and it must be tough for him to be kicked out of a room that everyone else is in. Howard said they actually have a picture of Scott standing in the corner all alone at the meeting up on HowardStern.com.
Howard checked out the picture and said that it must be horrible to be treated like that. Scott said he really doesn't think about it that much. Howard asked him if he thinks things will change some day. Scott said he knows that this is the way things are going to go for the rest of his life. Artie said that Scott is the only guy who has any skill in there that would be useful to another radio show if they were replaced.
Gary came in and said that they had a big meeting yesterday about getting the guys from the show into some NASCAR racing stuff but it turns out that Scott was left out of that even though he's one of the biggest NASCAR fans on the show. Scott said that really did bother him because he and Ronnie have been NASCAR fans for a long time. Ronnie was actually invited to participate in the whole NASCAR thing while Scott was left out.
Scott thinks that his name was probably brought up and turned down. Howard figured that he was never even brought up. Gary told Howard that he heard that Ross brings the NASCAR drivers on tours and when they walk by Scott's studio, he tells them not to go in there because they'll start to lose. That happened to Tony Stewart last year. After he visited Scott, he had a streak of bad luck.
Howard noticed that Gary had a sweaty upper lip and it was disgusting. Gary tried to turn the conversation back to Scott but Howard couldn't get off the sweaty lip thing. He said it was very disturbing. Howard said he heard that Ross stopped Tom Brady from going into Scott's studio one day. He wanted to make sure he didn't catch that bad luck thing from Scott.
Nikki Wants To Bang Artie. 05/10/06. 10:10am
Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard that the sound quality there is great and the band Live sounded really good earlier in the show. Another caller was a 20 year old stripper by the name of Nikki who said she wants to date Artie. He got her on the phone and her voice was pretty deep so Howard figured she was a smoker. Howard told Artie that she probably smokes, drink sand has a coke problem and he was right. She said that she does use coke on occasion plus she smokes and drinks. She also likes big Italian guys like Artie.
Howard asked Nikki what she does while Artie is watching a game. She said that she would give him a blow job, then go get him a Hostess cupcake, lay down beside him and watch the game with him. Artie said that was the right answer and ''We have a winner!''
Howard asked Nikki what she would do if her cousin was getting married and Artie didn't want to go. He would give her $1,000 to give to the cousin. She said she would just say ''Okie Dokey'' and leave. She went on to describe herself as being 5'11'' tall at 130 pounds with natural C-cup breasts. She has a flat stomach but it's not really muscular because she doesn't work out. She also said that she's into chicks as well so she's a special kind of gal.
Nikki said that she's been described as looking like Lisa Kudrow from ''Friends'' but that was the wrong ''Friend'' according to Artie. She can't cook but Artie said that wasn't a problem, his mother will make the Chicken Parm for them. Howard asked Nikki if she wanted to come down to let Artie check her out. She said she's down in Baltimore but she could come up for a visit.
Howard asked Nikki if she could lie to Artie's mother about what she does for a living. He played the part of Artie's mother and asked her some questions about what she does for a living. Nikki covered up by saying she was a massage therapist. Howard told her to say that she's a secretary instead. She tried that and said that she can type 120 words a minute.
Robin asked Artie if it would be a problem for him if this girl was towering over him because he's only about 5'10'' tall while she's 5'11'' tall. He didn't seem to have a problem with it. Howard told Nikki that he was liking her.
Nikki said that she has a little landing strip on her private parts. Artie said he likes that even though Howard doesn't. Nikki said that she has a pretty pussy and gets compliments on it all the time. Howard told Artie that this is the kind of girl he needs, not a nice girl like Dana. Artie wanted to get some blood and urine from this chick to make sure she's clean.
Howard wanted to see some pictures of this chick so she said that she's got a Myspace account. Howard put her on hold so Gary could get that account and check it out. They put her on hold and got the account so they could log in and check her out. The In Demand guys pulled it up and put it on the TV screens in the studio.
Gary said that he wanted to say something to this girl. Howard got her back on the phone and Gary said that the web site claims that she's 17 and lives in California. Nikki said she was born in California but she is 21 years old. Howard said he's never heard a 17 year old with a voice like that. Artie said he's never even heard a 21 year old with that kind of voice.
Nikki was getting on her account to see if she had any naked pictures up there. She wanted to see why the right account wasn't coming up so she logged in and checked it out. Howard was telling the guys that she sounds like the kind of girl that Artie could talk to. Artie said that he'd like her to be 17 years old. He was also saying that she won't be his girlfriend but she might be the chick who drives up every week to bang him. Howard thought she sounded pretty good to him.
Howard finally got to see some of her pictures and thought that a picture of Uma Thurman was her. That was a picture from Kill Bill though. Howard saw a picture of her and said that her face was cute. She didn't look like Lisa Kudrow according to Howard. He said that she wasn't wearing makeup but she still looked cute. Artie didn't seem to be into her as much as Howard was.
Nikki put up a nude picture of herself and the guys sounded impressed. Howard told her that he thinks she's cute. Nikki was uploading some new pictures but none of them were her with make-up on. Artie was laughing because there was one picture that she didn't look so good in. Robin said she couldn't get a read on what she actually looked like. Howard told her that there were some odd pictures in there.
Artie said that this is the type of chick who would bring him a cupcake during a Yankee game. Sal came in and said that she sounds sweet but she looks like a Muppet with AIDS. Howard said he wasn't seeing that though. Sal said that she's ugly and emaciated from what he can see. He said he was going to put up a Myspace account where they can have all of the chicks who want to bang Artie send in pictures (Right here). Gary knew that he wanted to do that just so he could jerk off to some pictures. Sal wondered how they figured him out so quick.
Howard read her bio on Myspace and Artie was still giggling in the background. Gary said that if Artie is going to get into banging other chicks, he should jump in and get really hot chicks. He didn't want to be rude to this chick but he was just telling it like it is. Artie said that he's not really into this chick but he didn't want to be like Sal and call her ugly. Artie told her that she's not his type... His type is Carmen Electra.
Howard let Nikki go and said that he wouldn't have turned her down. Benjy asked Artie if he would take a blow job from her. Artie said he might do that.
In the clip Howard was talking about how he heard Jackie in the bathroom taking a dump during the break. Howard said someone sprayed coconut oil in the bathroom. He said Jackie said it was like being in the middle of the jungle. Howard said it does drown out the stink though. Howard said Jackie is always in there. He said he must be in there 9 times a day.
Howard said they were in the bathroom the other day and Jackie was in there while they were talking. He said he was crapping while they were trying to talk. He said it seems like it's always painful for Jackie too. Howard asked why he forces himself like that. Jackie said he's not forcing himself.
Stuttering John said Howard is right and he's in there a lot. He said he goes in there very often. Howard asked again why he forces it so hard. Jackie said he doesn't have any problems down there. He said he used to when he drank a lot. John said the typical thing is when Jackie is in a stall and you tell him his wife is on the line he'll be straining and tell you to tell her he'll call her back.
Jackie asked why he's the healthy one if he has all of these problems. Howard said there's something wrong with him. He doesn't even know he has a problem.
Sal Goofs On Robin. 05/10/05. 7:40am
Howard came back from break and said that Gary tried to book Corey Feldman... but he was distracted by some noise coming from Robin's booth. Robin said that she had a copier making copies in there and that's what the noise was. That led to the guys talking about Robin's glasses and how Sal thought that they were just for TV and she was trying to make a new image for herself. Sal came in and asked Robin if it's true that her show has been bumped until 2006. Robin said that it's true that it's going to be on in 2006 but it wasn't bumped. Sal also said that he heard that no one was bidding on her show so that's why it got bumped. Robin said that's not the case and he was hearing wrong. They got back to her glasses after that and then Sal asked her what's going on with her lemonade diet because she gained a few pounds. Robin said that she hurt her knees earlier in the year and she gained back a few pounds. Sal said that some people tend to dance around when they lose weight but then they stay quiet when they gain a few. Robin said she hurt her knees when she fell down on a slippery floor. She told Sal she hopes he dies after he brought all of that stuff up. Sal said Robin seems to hate him just as much as his wife does. Howard wondered how his wife felt after he got home after saying that he'd save him over his own wife if they were on a boat and he had to make the choice. Sal pretended that he couldn't hear anything but eventually said that it was kind of rough when he got home yesterday.
Sal said that Benjy was really pissed at him yesterday after the hypnotism thing. Howard put Benjy's microphone up and let him speak for about 10 seconds before shutting him off. He said he doesn't want to hear his voice on the air because he zones out. Benjy ended up calling both Howard and Sal ''asses'' because of the way they were treating him. Ralph called in a minute later and asked Sal what he was doing in there goofing on Robin. He said that Sal shouldn't be in there at all and said that Howard really does have some wacky people working there now. Sal said that Howard hates fat broads more than he does but Howard said he'd never tell a woman that she's fat. Robin said she doesn't have a problem with Sal. They can work their thing out if they have to. Ralph also pointed out that Sal was trying to say that her show had failed already as well.
Comedian Shuli called in and asked Sal what his wife said to him when he got home yesterday. Sal wasn't saying. He said that someone needs to hypnotize her to make her love him. Shuli thought it was funny when Howard asked him to service him while he was hypnotized and Sal immediately said ''Let's go!'' Dominic Barbara called in and goofed on Sal a bit about the gay stuff as well. Howard let some other callers through to goof on Ralph as well. One guy told him to go lay out Howard's clothes for the next week.
Howard got back to the Corey Feldman thing he brought up earlier. He said that Corey's publicist called them to book him for the show but when the agreed to have him on, the publicist said that Corey decided not to do the show. Gary said that Corey gets mad at them once in a while and he may not have wanted to talk about the whole Michael Jackson thing. Howard asked Gary if High Pitch Eric was there yet. Gary said he wasn't there so Howard went off on him complaining about how he'll show up there at 5:30 in the morning if he's not invited down but when they want him there, he doesn't show up.
Sal And Richard's Latest Bit. 05/10/05. 7:55am
Howard took a call from a woman who complained about Sal and said that he doesn't have any business working for Howard. Howard told her that he had a funny bit that Sal and Richard Christy did. They did a phony interview as Jack and Rod as they interviewed author Michael McGowan who wrote a book called ''Terror Proof Your Mind .'' They had the phony Arnold Schwarzenegger call in during that interview and had him saying all kinds of outrageous things to this guy. ''Arnold'' was blaming many people for terrorism and seemed to have this guy McGowan pretty freaked out by his comments. The guy eventually hung up on ''Rod and Jack'' after Arnold made some comments that were just too much for him to take. After playing the call Ralph let the F-word slip but they caught it with the delay. Howard didn't say why Ralph had let that slip though.
In the clip Howard told Robin about this clip that Gary found of him doing this ''News Blimp'' thing. Howard said he had called an ad in the back of a paper to do this ad for News Blimp. Gary said it was a cool and hip thing to be on in the 70s. Howard said you'd mix in comedy with music. He said the only things he had were Stella and Mira and Robert Klein. He said it wasn't that hip and his announcing wasn't all that great.
Howard said this was from 1973 or 74. Robin asked if he was still in college. Howard said it must have been from 1977. He said it was him and Mark Drucker who worked on this thing. He said it turned out to be a competition and they had sent the clip back saying the comedy clips weren't hip enough. Howard said it was really an obnoxious concept. He said they'd play a comedy clip about the weather and then play a song that had lyrics about the weather. He said it was real hip to be on the News Blimp. He said you could get on like 179 stations across the country. Howard said he was making $96 a week working and he was just trying to get his name out there. Howard said he was working for like a dollar at an hour.
Howard played the clip and you hear some music playing. Howard cut it off and explained what was going on there. Howard said he wishes he had one of the good News Blimp clips to play to show her what it's supposed to be like.
Howard played more of the clip and he was doing his announcer voice in the clip. Then he'd play some comedy clips like stuff from Cheech and Chong and then some music clips to go along with it. Howard said he remembers reading the script and not knowing what it was about. He said they sent you a script to read. Gary said they'd send a script and some short sound bytes.
Howard said this isn't even as bad as he remembers it. He said he didn't remember he had some Cheech and Chong clips in there. Howard said he's not sure if anyone would be interested in that clip. He said they paid $25 and he wanted that money. He said at least it was radio in syndication that he was working for.
Howard played more of the clip and said he didn't even remember some of it. Howard said it took him forever to produce the clip. He said it did sound like a News Blimp though. He said they thought he was too hyper for them though. He said they wanted him more laid back. Howard said these things were really popular when they were on. Howard said it's pretty weird. Robin said she's surprised she's never heard this stuff. Howard finished the clip and said that's some history.
Ex-Wrestler Mick Foley And Elephant Boy Come In. 5/10/01. 8:25am
Ex-wrestler Mick Foley and Fred the Elephant Boy came in this morning to talk to Howard. Elephant Boy, who just returned to the show after taking some time away for some reason, is a huge wrestling fan and he used to hang out with Mick when he was known as Cactus Jack. Fred became the major focus of the interview because he's finally returned to the show. Fred started to explain why he'd left but Gary came in and made the story more understandable. Gary said that Fred was all freaked out by the whole porn movie thing that he was involved with. He'd done a porn where some chick had put something in a bad place on him and Howard was trying to get him some money. Then the show asked Fred to do the Wack Pack Gang Bang and he refused. He then took some time off from the show and thought that they didn't want him coming on. Now everything is straightened out.
Fred tells us that he's still dating the chick he's been dating for years now. She lives in Cleveland, Ohio and there is talk of them getting married. Fred says if they do get married he'll be moving to Cleveland.
Mick said he was happy to see Fred and all but he's got a book to promote today. He had to sit through the whole fart CD thing and he just wanted to get some plugs in. Howard told him that Fred was fascinating and they'd get to his plugs shortly. Mick then told Fred to hold his book while Howard talked to him.
Howard finally moved on to talk to Mick about his new book ''Foley Is Good: And the Real World Is Faker Than Wrestling'' which is out now. In the book he talks about Fred the Elephant Boy. Mick says that Fred was the first celebrity he'd ever met. He'd been wrestling for years and after he met Fred he went on Howard's show. After that his career took off. He told Howard that at one point in his life Fred inadvertently caused some friction in his marriage. Mick said his wife doesn't allow him to watch porno. Fred had given him Howard's ''Butt Bongo Fiesta'' tape and Mick was caught watching it one night. He tried to convince his wife it wasn't porno but the tape quickly vanished. Mick said that Fred then kept calling him asking for the tape and he didn't know where it was. So there was actually friction between his wife and, at the same time, Fred.
Mick says he and Fred are still friends but they don't hang around together like they used to. He says that Fred has been on the show with him every time he's been on so far. He said he'd feel naked without him there.
Howard took a bunch of quick phone calls for Mick. There was one call for Fred too. The caller said that Fred hit a turkey with his car out in Pennsylvania somewhere recently. Fred explained, in his unique way... barely understandable, that he hit a Canadian Goose that was flying across the road. It smashed his windshield and he had to pull over. He went to a convenience store and tried to get some help. The caller said his buddy told him that no one understood him so they had to find someone to interpret his mumbling, tongue-twisting speech. The caller told Howard that Fred would try to call someone to replace his windshield and they'd hang up on him thinking he was retarded.
Fred the Elephant Boy will be appearing in the NWA Jersey event at Keansburg High School in Keansburg, NJ on May 12. Mick will be making a bunch of book signing appearances in the near future. You can find out more about Mick's and where he'll be appearing on his web site MickFoley.com
Robin's News. 05/10/10. 10:05am
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what male staffer there Howard would like to have a threesome with Beth. Howard said he doesn't want to have a threesome with anyone there. Robin told him he had to pick or the world would end. Howard said in that case he'll say no way to Benjy. He said he wants High Pitch Mike Morales. He said that's exactly who he wants in bed with his wife. Howard said Fred would be creepy and Gary would be disgusting with his ape-like ways. He said he's probably like an animal in bed. He said he doesn't need his wife enjoying that. Gary said he'd be eating her ass while Howard watched.
Howard said he might let Jason in there because he's so fat that he'd be repulsive. He wouldn't let Will in there because he's good looking. Howard said he might let JD in there but he's a little perv. He said he'd love to see JD nude too. Howard said he thinks he's just stick with Jason or Mike. He said Sal and Richard are definitely out. He said they're just gross. The guys threw out some other names of guys working there and Howard was saying no to everyone. He said that he might let Medicated Pete in that mix. Then he took Pete out and said it was just Jason and Mike. Then he took Jason out and just left Mike in there.
In the clip Howard was goofing on Stuttering John about the weird ticks he has when he's talking. John said they're new and he's not sure where they came from.
Howard said he has to do this quickly because he has to get to Brian Boswowrth. Howard said he heard this was like riding a bucking bronco. John said he was going to start out with some mild questions. Howard said sports guys take themselves very seriously. Howard said he suggested to John that he go easy on the guy at first. John started out mentioning Howard's name and Tommy didn't know who he was. He said ''Howard Stern, who's he?''
Howard said he heard that Tom won't let John sleep there at the station anymore. John said he's right. He said he only sleeps there when he goes out to do things like this interview. Howard said he doesn't get that. He said he's not sure what's wrong with Tom.
John and Tommy talked more about Howard and then John asked if he's going to see the Madonna movie ''Truth or Dare.'' Then Tommy goes into his ad for this Slim Fast stuff he was promoting. Tommy said that people can eat ice cream now and enjoy it. John then asked if he has any baseball groupies. Tommy said there are some but not many. Then John asked if he asks his players to refrain from having sex. Tommy said he doesn't want to talk about that.
In the clip Howard was telling Robin about his mountain bike outfit that he got and how he figured it would be good exercise for him. Howard said he ordered a bike that hasn't come yet. He said it's called a Waterford by Schwinn. Howard said Mr. Schwinn called himself and talked to him about it. Howard said he had to get measured for the bike since he's so tall. He said he did all of the measuring and they're working on the bike now. He said the whole summer will be over by the time he gets it.
Howard said he has another bike to use while he waits for that new one. He said he has the whole outfit going too. Howard told Robin about the shorts he has that you have to wear without underwear. He asked Fred about how that works since he's afraid of getting stains. Fred said you can wash them.
Howard said he has a special shirt and glasses to wear with the outfit. He said he puts a picture of Fred on his bike in the back pouch on his shirt.
Howard said the guy at the bike shop told him to learn how to get on the bike because you have to clip your shoes into the pedals. Howard said the only way to unpop your feet is to twist your ankle. Howard said he practiced on a stand at the bike shop. Howard said he got on the bike and popped his feet in. He said he got nervous and tried to kick his feet out. He said he fell right over when he wasn't able to do it. Howard said he went crashing.
Fred said he's crashed his bike. He said you have to click your feet out first and then stop. Howard said he knows. Howard said he got all banged up trying to do it. Howard said he wanted regular pedals but the bike guy told him to stick with that. Howard said he'd rather not be nervous while riding. He said he's ruining the whole thing for himself.
Howard asked Fred if he pops his feet in. Fred said he does but Howard should stick to the baskets for a while. Howard said he stuck with the pedals and he's used to it now. He said that you get locked in and you're one with the bike. Robin said she'd rather not be. Howard said he's getting used to it.
Gary said he has a suggestion for his seat problem. Howard said he has no problem. He said it's his feet, not seat.
Howard said there's nothing you can do when you can't get your feet out of the pedals. Howard said he didn't know what to do. Fred said he landed on his hip the first time it happened to him. Robin said they should know that. They're sending people out there to fall.
Howard said the cleats on your shoes make it very hard to walk. Howard said he almost fell walking too. Howard said he can't ride and he can't walk. He said biking became really complicated. He said those friggin' Italians did it.
Howard said bikes are very expensive. He said that people steal them and they're thinking about making a national registry for them. Howard said he saw a guy trying to sell one for $4,000.
Howard said his wife laughed at him in his bike shorts. Howard asked Fred if he shaves his legs. Fred said the reason they do that is so they heal faster when they crash. Howard said he's not sure he wants to do that.
Howard said he was in the bike store and this old dude walks in. He said he looked like he was in his 60s. He said he can just imagine what he looked like to that guy. Howard said he has a huge ass and he had the bulge and padding in there. Howard said he feels like a super hero dressed up like that. Howard said the old guy told him he could pass for Howard Stern. Howard told him he's not the first guy to tell him that. He said the guy warned him that he has a lot of enemies so he should watch himself. Howard said he told the guy he thinks the guy is funny. The older guy said he thinks that he looks like the president of Israel and he's had people throw stuff at him. Howard said the guy told him he turns Howard off because it gets disgusting and vile. Howard said he just agreed with the guy and walked off.
Howard said after that he went out and fell. He said he's glad Fred has done it. Fred said he did it in front of someone once. He said he's probably fallen off three times. Fred said one time he was going too slow and he should have had his foot out. Howard said he sees why people wear helmets now. He said you feel really stupid when you fall off.
Robin said she will never ride a bike like that. Howard said she will and he'll pull the tape of her saying she'll never get a cat if she wants.
Robin asked if Fred crashed with Gary once. Fred said he fell in a pothole. He said he ripped his fingertip off when he crashed. He said it healed up fine though. Fred said he could have tried to make it through but he crashed instead.
Howard said he's going to try rock climbing at Club Reebok too. Gary said that's what David Lee Roth does. Howard said he wants to give it a try. He said they simulate a wall of rock and he thinks he can do it.
Ralph came in and told Howard it's a two man project to do the rock climbing thing.
In the clip Howard had Brian Bosworth come in and said he's a really big dude. Howard introduced Fred and Robin to Brian. Brian said Robin should be sliding out of her seat shortly. Robin said he's right. She said that she was checking him out yesterday.
Howard said Brian is in a new movie and he saw him in it with his shirt off. Howard said he was saying his breasts are pretty big but Robin pointed out that they're muscles. Howard said he had his ass cheeks hanging out of his shorts too. Howard asked who the girl was in the movie with him. Brian said that's his girlfriend in the movie. Howard asked if he banged her in real life. Brian said he didn't. Howard asked to smell his fingers. Brian didn't let him do it. Howard said that chick was hot.
Howard asked Brian how he feels being an actor. Brian said it's cool. Robin asked if he went to acting school. Brian said he didn't. Howard said he doesn't need that. Brian said he did spend some time with an acting professor.
Howard said Brian has always been a good looking guy. Brian said he can't say yes to that. Howard asked if he got laid at 12. Brian said it was 13. Brian said it was another guy's girlfriend. He said the guy accepted it and kept on dating her too.
Howard asked Brian who his girlfriend is now. Brian said it's the same girl that he's been with since he was 13. Howard asked if he can be with other women. Brian said they do have an understanding. Howard said Dice has that understanding with his girlfriend too.
Howard said some women get that the guy might have to be with another woman once in a while. He said she just doesn't ask questions. Howard said Brian is in a major picture with a big studio. Brian said he has his own bus too. He said he has to go out and promote this film a lot. He said he's been working on it for a year and a half.
Brian said the movie is based on a true story. That's one of the reasons he chose to do it. Howard and Robin didn't know it was a true story. They said no one told them that. Howard went to break a short time later.
After the break Howard asked Brian about his upcoming radio interviews. Brian said none of them will be as fun as this one. Howard said he's right about that.
Howard asked Brian why he got out of football. Brian said he got injured. He said he was working on his other career too though. Howard said the other dudes were targeting him and trying to take him out. Howard asked what position he played. Brian said he was a linebacker.
Robin said Brian was always in trouble. Howard said that's true. He said the media hated him too. Brian said that people gave him shit. Howard told him to watch his language.
Howard asked Brian about who he's hanging with these days. Brian said he's not doing the Hollywood thing. He said he doesn't have any famous friends really. Howard said he doesn't believe that.
Howard asked Brian what happened to him and why he had to stop playing. Brian said the doctors told him if he kept playing he'd have to get two new shoulders. He said he had to stop playing. Howard said he'd probably do the same thing.
Howard figured that Brian could get Jessica Hahn if he wanted. Brian said that's no accomplishment since everyone has had her. Howard told him about being in the bathtub with her once. Howard had to take another break.
Howard gave Brian a plug for his movie ''Stone Cold'' before doing that. He spent a little time talking to him about the deal he got to do the movie. Howard said he was getting the sign that Brian had to go. Howard said he had better say goodbye to him now. Howard gave him some plugs and let him go a short time later.
In the clip Howard took a call from a guy who claimed to have seen Tori Spelling naked. He told the story and Howard didn't believe it. Gary came in and said he saw Robin naked once. He said he walked into her dressing room once and she was butt naked.
Gary said Robin's door was supposed to be locked and it wasn't. He said it was over at WWOR and Robin was facing the mirror and changing outfits. He said he saw her butt but she covered her breasts. Robin said they both screamed. Howard asked how she looked. Gary said he only saw her from behind. Gary said he didn't see more than what she'd show if she wore a low cut dress. Gary said that she was bent over when he saw her though.
In the clip Howard asked if Ralph wanted him to call his mom to let her know what went on. Ralph said he wanted to call her first to find out if she's up. A few minutes later Howard got Ralph's mom on the line.
Howard picked up asking how Mrs. Cirella was doing. Ralph said that's not her name. Ralph said it was Salimone or something. Howard said he's just going to call her Mom.
Howard told Ralph's mom that there's a story in the paper that Ralph is involved with. Ralph said he's fine. She sounded worried. Howard told Ralph's mom that he's going to let her in on the story. He told her that when Ralph was a little boy and he didn't have a dad around she wanted him to have some men in his life. She sent him to Father Hanley. Howard said he used to take him on fishing trips and stuff. Howard said Ralph told him on the air that when he went on the fishing trip Father Hanley decided to have him sleep over at his house. Ralph's mom said she didn't remember that. Ralph said she dropped him off there. She didn't remember that.
Howard told Ralph's mom that Ralph slept on the floor but Father Hanley did some things with another boy there. Ralph said he was told he could sleep in the bed or on the floor and he wanted to sleep on the floor. Ralph said the guy acted a little weird and he had some porn magazines so he didn't want to be in the bed with him. Howard said Ralph never wanted to go back to Father Hanley after that. Ralph said he was a very nice guy and he still let him go to the school even when his mom didn't have any money.
Howard told Ralph's mom that Ralph didn't want to go back and now that he's talked about it on the air they've had some boys step forward in the Mendham area. Ralph's mom said he did try to tell her something about him back then and she made him stop. She said she thought it was sacrilegious. She said that Ralph said some terrible things about him on the playground.
Ralph's mom said she stopped going to that church after she went to visit Father Hanley and the woman at the door said that she was a ''good looker'' and Father Hanley said she'd be right there. Ralph's mom said that was about 10-12 years ago.
Ralph said there were some other things going on in that church too. Ralph said that now that they talked about it some other people came forward and it's in the paper now. Ralph's mom said that's some way to greet the day. She thanked them for letting her know. Howard said he'd like to hook up with her when she's in town next. Howard asked if she wears mini-dresses and stuff. Howard said he could be Ralph's dad some day.
Howard said this all explains a lot about Ralph. Ralph's mom said it certainly does. Howard said his mom sounds pretty young and cool. Ralph said she is cool. He said he's not sure if she's hot or not. Howard asked how her chest is. Ralph said he doesn't look his mom over.
Howard told Ralph to get out of there a short time later. Howard said that was great breaking the news to his mom about what a good judge of character she is. Howard let Ralph go and called him a homo as he was walking out. Howard said they keep getting deeper and deeper into that story. Jackie said the story is opening up like a rose. Howard had to go to break after that.
Rose The Movie Spoiler Calls In. 5/10/02. 8:25am
Earlier in the week Howard went to a screening for the new ''Star Wars'' movie. This woman and her kids were making noise for the first 15 minutes of the movie so Howard ended up yelling at her. The woman, Rose, called in this morning to talk to Howard. Howard said he freaked her out when he yelled at her that day. She said she couldn't believe that he yelled at her. Howard asked Rose why she would bring such young children to see a movie like that. The kids were constantly talking and asking questions about the movie. Howard said after he said something to her everyone shut up.
Howard said he told Rose to get the kid out of the studio because it was ruining it for other people in the theater. Rose said he was over exaggerating how much noise the kid was making. Robin said this woman just doesn't get it. Her kid was making noise and annoying other people and she doesn't seem to realize that. Rose told Howard that she cares more about her daughter than she does about Howard.
Howard took some phone calls and people said this is the reason they don't go to movies anymore. Rose told Howard to get over himself and hung up a short time later. Howard was trying to ask her some questions that she didn't want to answer so she bailed out. Artie Lange said he heard all of the noise too but Rose thought that both of them were overreacting to the whole thing.
Tony the Vietnam vet. 5-10-96. Howard had this guy in this morning that claimed to be a Vietnam vet. Howard and he talked about the good ol' day's in 'Nam. Tony says that he killed 130 'gooks' while over there. Howard always tells his 'Nam stories but the funny thing is...he never went to 'Nam! He's been goofing around with that story for a couple of years now. Some of the things that Tony was saying were kind of suspicious to a lot of Howard fans out there and they faxed in and called in to let him know. Tony even says that he has part of a bullet left in his arm from a 'gook'. I guess that he has a scar on his arm to show for that. So after the interview Robin read some of the faxes that people sent in and she thinks that Tony was full of crap. So maybe he was! Who cares? It was pretty funny whether or not he was actually in 'Nam.
James Woods Comes In. 5/10/00. 8:05am
Actor James Woods came in to promote a Showtime movie he's in called ''Dirty Pictures''. The movie airs May 27 at 9pm. Before James came in Robin had made a comment about him not being that attractive but once he came in she changed her tune. She said he was a movie star and said she was wrong. She said that it's a love-hate relationship between the two of them but James said it was a love-love with her and a hate-hate with him. Howard first brought up a comment that James had made one time. James was asked why he dates younger women and said something like ''Well, when people buy a dog they get a puppy, not an older dog..'' He said he wasn't comparing women to dogs, he was just using that as a metaphor. He said he loves all women.. except feminists. He said feminists are ''men with vaginas''.
Howard had a lot of information on James so he went through a lot of the rumors with him. One rumor was that actress Sean Young had glued his penis to his leg one time. James joked that it was to his ankle, not his leg but then told Howard that it was all just a joke he'd made one time. Howard also heard that James took viagra one time and had sex for 6 hours. James said that was another joke he'd made. He said it was 6 hours 37 minutes. Like he'd actually time how long he'd go. Howard asked James how many people he dates in a year but James said that he really doesn't have all that exciting of a life. He said it's probably the ''most boring life'' Howard has ever seen. He told Howard that he prefers not to break up with women either. They usually break up with him instead. Howard brought up the fact that James went to some awards show with a 19 year old woman and claimed that he was taking her ''under his wing'' to mold her career. He explained to Howard that he saw her at some golf tournament and a friend of him told him to keep his eyes out for beautiful women to get them into the business. He did just that and got her signed with ICM. Now her career is off and running and he's working with her. He told Howard that he's not having sex with her but if it eventually happens it wouldn't be a bad thing. He's single now so it wouldn't be a problem. He was engaged to a 26 year old woman by the name of Melissa but that is over now.
James told Howard that he's been married 2 times in his life and he's still best friends with his first wife. His second wife is another story. He said she was a nightmare. Howard had some quotes from her that James claimed were totally fabricated by her. James said that the stories are just so wacky that no one would believe them anyway.
James dated Heather Graham for about a year so Howard spent some time talking about that also. Howard heard she broke up with him after he had a hard time answering her when she asked if he only loved her for her looks. James said that wasn't true.
Howard brought up a couple of other rumors about James. There was one that said that MTV VJ Kennedy was once asked by James to sit on his lap in a school girl outfit at a hockey game. James basically said that he doesn't find her attractive so he would never have asked her that. Howard also heard that James once said that Sharon Stone had a bigger penis than him. James corrected that and said that he said ''her balls clang louder than his''. He said he's never had sex with her. A couple of other names that came up in the conversation included Brooke Shields and Jennifer Lopez.
Howard took a few phone calls from people but the few that mentioned the size of his penis had no validity. They were just jokers calling in.
Howard spent a minute talking about this ''Dirty Pictures'' movie that James is in. James told Howard that he plays a museum curator who gets arrested for showing very graphic pictures of sexual situations.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 11:45am.
This week's Best of the Week was over around 10:50am.