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Howard started the show talking about how he forgot to turn up his microphone as he started the show. He said he was talking to Robin and she wasn't hearing him. Howard said she feels so dumb. Howard said Fred and Benjy saw what he did so he feels kind of dumb.
Howard said they have a big show today. He said it's great to be up extra early of course. Howard said last Tuesday they left everyone. Howard said he was busy working even if people don't think he was. Howard said he was at AGT.
Howard said Judd Apatow is sick of hearing about AGT. He said he thinks that he shouldn't talk about half of his life. Howard said elitist Hollywood guys get that way. He said he talks about his life and what's going on. He said if you don't like it then shut the fuck up and don't listen. Howard said Judd tweeted out that he's sick of it. Howard said he doesn't tweet out about that last shitty film Judd did called Funny People. Howard said it's like the worst film ever made. Howard said Judd complains about him going on and on. He said ''How about Funny People?''
Howard said he's a Judd fan but he won't call him out on everything. Howard said maybe his show isn't that good anymore. He said Judd can just shut up and tune into something else. Howard said what he does is talk about what's on his mind. He said if you don't like it then don't tune in and just be quiet. Howard said Judd has been listening since he was like 12 and he's proud of that and he likes Judd but that's not much of a bro. He said that's a dickwad. He said he can fuck off and he's no friend now.
Howard said he doesn't talk about that shitty film with Adam Sandler. He said it's like the worst film ever. Howard said Funny People was like 3 movies in one and it was all over the place. Howard said when he has a perfect track record then he can attack him. Howard said it's just crazy. He said he should criticize someone in film making. Howard said he won't do that.
Howard said that ticked him off. He said if he wants to call him or something then he could do that. Howard said when he made his movie Private Parts he talked about it a lot. He did that with the Channel 9 TV show too. Howard said he knows some people might tune out. He said they can tune out and just not say anything. Howard said he thinks it's interesting. Howard said he thought it was interesting that Robin showed up to the AGT taping. Robin said it's incredible to see. She said they run it like a well oiled machine. She said she saw two sessions and she was amazed she was able to sit through them. Howard said they are great live shows.
Robin said she sat through the second live show and the next thing she knows they're saying it's the last contestant. She said it goes really fast. She said she got to critique Howie on the show. She said that she felt they were being tortured and they were holding off on the third X from the judges. Howard said sometimes the producers want them to let the act go on a little longer so they can get some footage.
Howard said Howie is a good man. Robin said he's a lot of fun. Howard said they shot a commercial on Friday. He said he didn't feel it was necessary though. Howard said he was being kind of a pill. He said he did it anyway though. Howard said he just wanted to go home. He said he was tired.
Howard said Fred showed up with his daughter Tess. Fred said she loved it. Howard said he didn't see Benjy there. Fred said Benjy was there and he was wearing a pork pie hat. Robin said someone was telling people to knock the hat off his head and Elisa was holding it on.
Howard said there was something weird going on. He said he had his parents there at the taping and they're getting old and can't hear so good. Howard said they didn't know what was going on. Howard said he got on the phone with them and his mother was asking what the loud noise was at the taping. Howard said she told him that she'd hear a loud buzzing sound. Howard said she was referring to the X. She had no idea what that was. He had to explain to her what it was. Howard said she didn't understand it and his father didn't know what it was either. He said the concept of the show isn't that hard to understand.
Howard said he told his mother to ask what was going on. He said that's what the fun of the show is. She didn't know that. Howard said then his mother asked if he knew that they got lunch at America's Got Talent. Howard said of course he knew. He was the one who made it happen. Howard said he just wanted to hang up the phone at that point. He said he was waiting for some praise from her but it never came. Howard said it would have been fun if she had said something.
Howard said what his mom did was ask if he saw his father up on stage. Howard said he brought the guy up there so of course he saw him up there. Howard said he facilitated that happening. Howard said he got annoyed so he changed the subject and asked what she had for lunch. Howard said she didn't understand the X so he knows they didn't enjoy the show.
Robin said at one point his mother got upset that they were getting the crowd so riled up. That's the idea though. They want the crowd riled up.
Howard said they got his parents there about an hour early. He said he asked Ronnie why they did that because he knew that they'd be waiting around too long.
Howard said he asked his mother what she had for lunch. She told him that ''they had'' this and that and it went on and on. Howard said she was telling him about everything they had to eat and how expensive that buffet must have been. Howard said she said they treat their people very well. Howard said he orders his food from a restaurant. He said his mother told him about the separate room for deserts and how they were in there too. Howard said he knows about the big production because he goes there every day. He said she's asking if he knows. Of course he knows.
Robin said Sharon came to say goodbye to them and she went up to them and asked if they're going to come to one of the live shows and Howard's mother says ''What? I'm here now.'' Howard said his niece told his mother that she has to come to one of the live shows. She said it's a lot for them so they probably won't be coming.
Howard said once was enough for them. Howard said he was dreading it and excited about it. He said he heard about the lunch they had lined up and he wanted them kept busy. Howard said that way he wouldn't have to talk to them for an hour in his dressing room. Robin said she thinks they had a great time. Howard said he doesn't think they did.
Howard said during the taping he'd walk over to his parents to check up on them. He said during the first session during the afternoon they said to his mother they have a night time taping. His mother asked if he was staying for that. Howard said Howie was standing there and he told his mother that this is his job so of course he's going to be there. Howard said he's not sure what the fuck she's talking about. Howard said she only does one thing a day but this is what they're paying him for. He said maybe she doesn't even know that it's a job.
Howard said he hung up on his mother very quickly when he got upset with her. Howard said his sister never called him and he didn't hear from anyone else. Robin said she loved it. Howard said he got everyone to show up and see the taping at least. Robin said they all had a great time and enjoyed it. She knows that.
Fred said he had a great time too. Howard said he got a lovely note from Fred. Fred said the show should be through the roof based on what he saw at the prelim show.
Howard said he is enjoying it. He said he knows that people are upset that they're not there that much. Howard said they built in this schedule with the new contract. Howard said they're on 3 days out of the week for the most part. He's taking vacation days for this taping stuff. Howard said he think that once it hits the air then people like Judd Apatow will see what's going on. Howard said he knows they're on the air less now but maybe people will see this show and understand what he was doing.
Howard said it was a special day for the people who saw the taping. He said it's a great outpouring of love from the fans. He said that it's very moving for him. He said Robin got caught up in it too. He said it's a wild situation.
Howard said NBC has been very supportive and they shot this commercial the other day. He said he thinks that it's going to be more of a viral kind of thing. He said it was wild. He said they wrapped it up in about 5 hours for the judges but they have more work to do on it. Howard said he was there doing that on Friday. He said it was kind of cool.
Howard said they have a lot of stuff going on toward the end of April and the beginning of May. He said that they're going to be starting to show the commercial then and he'll be going on other shows to talk about what he's doing.
Howard said that the first session was void of all talent on Thursday. He said a lot of those will end up on the cutting room floor. Robin said that they seemed to have saved all of the talent for the last session. Robin said they had to sit through all kinds of crap in the afternoon. Howard said as a judge he has to figure out ways to comment on the shitty acts. Robin said some of them knew they were shitty and they'd walk right off.
Howard said that Nick Cannon is a nice guy and he likes hanging out with him. Howard said he got to hang out with him on Friday. He said he seems to be doing okay medically. He said he's doing better since giving up his morning radio show. Howard said the guy is in good shape so it makes you wonder why he had the health issues. Howard said he was thinking he was just working himself to death.
Howard said Nick is a very good looking guy. He said he has a whole black entourage too. Howard said the white people walk around with white people and the black people walk around with black. He said everyone is getting along just fine.
Eric said it sounds like this is going to be a great show to see. He said he'd like to come to one of the live shows this summer. Howard said he can come but he has to get himself there. Howard said Eric isn't around though. Howard said he's welcome to come to any of the tapings.
Howard said he got to the taping and he saw Jeff the Drunk sitting there. Howard said he had and best seat in the house and he was right in his eye line. Howard asked how he got that seat. Gary said he was sitting behind him and he wondered the same thing. He said King of All Blacks was in the balcony. He said Jeff complained until they got him in the front row.
Gary said Jeff can't sit down like a normal person. He said at one point Jeff stood up and then the whole crows saw his ass crack. He said there's like 6 inches of crack before the ass starts.
Jeff was on the phone so he told Howard he didn't know his pants were going to fall down. Howard said he had to explain to Sharon what was wrong with his arm and his whole story. Howard said he was telling her about Jeff's bad arm and why he doesn't get it removed. Howard said he thinks that he's hoping for a cure or something. Jeff said he's right about that. Howard said he had to explain it all to Sharon and he's definitely someone people notice. Jeff said he had a good time.
Eric asked Jeff if they've ever tried stem cell stuff with his arm. Jeff said no. Howard said he's not sure that would work for Jeff's arm. Howard said he's giving up hope on that arm.
Jeff said he was seated in the balcony and he just got up and moved. He said they told them that they had to just sit there together and not move. Jeff said he just told his friend to get up and walked right to the front row and sat down. Robin said he didn't just go sit down. He just told a whole story about it.
Howard said he had Jeff right at his side. He said he was like his wing man for the entire thing. Howard said he wondered if he was going to sit around for the second show too. Howard said they told him he was only there for the first one. Howard said Jeff had to ask when the show was going to be over so he could go. He figured he wanted a drink. Jeff said he didn't drink there at the show at all. He said he went straight home after the show.
Gary said he had some pretty women behind him at the show and they all saw his ass and were disgusted. Gary said he went to a couple of the tapings and he liked the dog act. He said that was like one of the best acts ever. Jeff said that was great. Gary said he was into the meat of what it's like when someone sucks and they need to be told. Gary said there were people crying in the audience after one of the acts. Howard said that was pretty heart breaking. Jeff said someone yelled out ''Wahhh'' when this kid cried. Howard said he did make the kid cry.
Robin said she wanted to see him do the X to the kid and it's not pretty when it happens. Gary said he saw some crazy stuff there. Howard said they have a full time psychiatrist back stage. He said some people are never told no on their lives and they will freak.
Gary said there are families of the people auditioning who will freak out and yell from the crowd. Howard said they just make things worse. Gary said his son wondered why they let this one kid go out there. Gary said that was a great observation. Howard said the whole thing is crazy.
Gary said the fun is watching people who don't know they have no talent. He said that it's also fun to see people who don't know they're talented.
Jeff had to get going. Howard said he can come to one of the live tapings but he can't sit in the front row.
Robin said she noticed that they had the wack packers separated. Howard said they had Debbie the Pet Lady in the front row of the balcony. He said that Ass Napkin Ed almost got kicked out. Robin said that he was yelling out his ''819'' thing. Howard said he's not even sure what that is.
Gary said the Wack Pack are like their wacky family. He said that he said hi to some of them but Ass Napkin Ed was out of control. He said that Ed grabbed him in a head lock and he had to tell him to get off of him. He said Ed was more drunk than he's ever seen him. He said everyone else was all dressed up and acting okay. Debbie the Pet Lady was all dressed up and acting okay. Howard said Howie was asking where she was. He was surprised to see what she looked like. Howard said Howie wondered if that was all an act. Howard said it's really not an act.
Howard asked Eric if he has an agenda today. Eric said he got an offer and Johnny doesn't want him to do it. He said it's a reality based show for Fantasy Island and they would be doing it in Vegas from a strip club. He said Johnny doesn't want him to do it. Howard said he was thinking about taking a commercial break and not get into this but he's going to try to interpret.
Howard said Eric got some kind of offer to be in a Fantasy Island show and it's at a strip club and it's a realty show and Johnny doesn't want him doing it. Eric said it would be Johnny and him doing a reality based show at a strip club in Vegas that's also a restaurant. Robin asked what TV station that would be on. Eric said he has no idea. Howard said it's not going to be on TV. Howard told Eric not to get into it.
Howard had Johnny on the phone so he asked why he doesn't want to get involved in it. Johnny said that these guys are building a strip bar called Fantasy Island in Vegas. He said they want them to be hosts and they want to film it for a reality TV show. He said he's very busy himself and it's not very important to him. He said Eric can do it himself if he wants to but he doesn't want anything to do with it. Eric said they think that he and Johnny are a good team so that's why they want them together. Howard said he'd like them to keep him posted but he has to get moving.
Johnny told Howard that the Sam Kinison special that ran during vacation was great. He said that it was fantastic. Howard said Sam was great. He said Sam has been gone 20 years now. He said that's crazy. Johnny said he was listening to the special and his wife went off on him for letting the 3 year old listen to it.
Howard said he has to take a commercial break. Eric said he has one more thing. Howard said he has to let him go. He said he's been on for 25 minutes. Eric told his friend Jim to call in and let him know what High Pitch did Howard asked Robin if she wants to know what High Pitch did. Robin asked how late thy are. Howard said that he's got so many things he wants to get to.
Eric said there was a family sitting in front of High Pitch and he made some people leave so he could sit down. Howard said he has to go. He didn't understand what happened. Robin said Eric claims that High Pitch made some people move out of some seats. Howard said that's a pretty good story. He said he can't believe that anyone would listen to High Pitch Eric.
Howard thanked Eric for the story and let him go. Eric said ''Um hmm'' so Howard and Fred started doing their impressions of him. Howard asked what he was talking about with that Fantasy Island gig. Robin said it's some kind of promotional gig for some reality show. Howard said you know none of it's going to happen. He said Johnny obviously figured that out. Howard said he had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and sang along with the Beatles song a little bit. Howard said that the music of the 70s was much better than the music is now. He and Robin talked about how things have changed. Howard told Fred to play Country Girl by Crosby Stills, Nash and Young. Howard said that music was just better back then. Fred played that ''Country Girl'' song and Howard said that was just so much better. He said that's real emotion there.
Howard said one of the things he misses is the radio DJs being there live. He said he thinks that they were moved by the music. Howard said he thinks that helped the industry. Robin said sometimes you could tell they were moved and that helped you too.
Howard said they have this woman by the name of Gina Rodriguez coming in now. Howard said she used to be in porn. Gina came in and said that she hated the industry. She said she has been out for 4 years now. She said she was engaged to a guy who was in porn so it was hard to get out.
Howard said Gina seems kind of nervous. She said she is very nervous. Howard asked if she ever watches her old films. She said she never does. She said that it freaks her out too much. Howard asked if she had to go to therapy. Gina said she didn't. Howard asked if she was wild on film. She said her first scene was horrible. She said she was very nervous and it was like she'd never had sex before.
Howard said they were shooting the AGT commercial last Friday and they had this big commotion going on. He said that they started to fix the lights in the studio. He said it took 20 minutes to do it. Howard said they were discussing stuff and he turned to Howie and the gang and said that he has a bad feeling it was about him. Howard said he must have looked like shit. Howard said he got out of the car they were in and they were shooting into his neck. Howard said he looked like there was a monster in the passenger seat. Howard said all of this discussion was about how he looks like a monster. Howard said Ralph came in with a scarf to wrap around him. He said they finally put a stop to it. Howard said he told them he's still going to look like him and he just wanted to shoot. Howard said he's going to look ugly in this commercial. Howard said it was a close up too. He said that the camera was right in his face. Howard said he wanted to back it up to another planet.
Howard asked Gina if she was happy with her body on camera. She said she was freaked out about the whole thing. Howard asked if she did anal. She said she did. Howard asked if she had any doody come out. She said she would take care of herself before the scene.
Howard said now Gina is in a new business. He said she represents ''celebrities'' and if you want to talk to one of them you can call and speak to one. Howard said if you want to talk to Octomom then you pay $14 a minute to talk to her. Gina said anyone can call them. She said you call this number on the web site and they will answer. Howard asked that people want to talk to Octomom about. Gina said she has guys calling her to talk about sex. they have phone sex with them. She doesn't even have to say anything to them. Howard said Octomom said she would never pose naked but he just saw that she did.
Howard said they have prices here. He said the most expensive one to talk to is Dina Lohan. Howard said it's $25 a minute. Howard said Tila Tequila is $10 a minute. Howard said he'd rather talk to her than Dina Lohan. Howard asked if people are dying to talk to Dina. Gina said they are. She said that she picked her own rate though. Howard asked how many people call Dina every day. She said it's not every day but she's gotten like 20 calls in the past month or so.
Gina said the one who gets the most calls is Danielle Staub from the Real Housewives of New Jersey. She said she was the one who went and did the stripping thing for Scores. Howard said he's not that familiar with her. Howard asked how many calls she gets. Gina said her calls last like 90 minutes but she doesn't get a ton of calls. Howard said that's amazing.
Howard said Dina is charging $25 a minute and Danielle is charging $24 a minute. Gina said she started out at $18 and she moved it up. Howard said Angie Everhart is $20 a minute. Gina said she hasn't gotten any calls yet. She just started though. Howard said he'd like to talk to a hot chick. Gina said that Brande Roderick is like $49.95 a minute.
Howard said that Michael Lohan is $18.95 a minute. Howard wondered who would call him. Howard wondered if Dina and Michael would get on at the same time. Gina said they might.
Howard asked if Gina is their manager or something. She said she does manage some of them. She said that she helps Octomom get work. She said she helped her get that topless photo shoot. She said they have more gigs coming up but she only got $10,000 for that one. Howard asked what other work she has coming up. She said she can't talk about it right now.
Howard read about some other people who are on the list. Sandi Taylor, Johnny Fairplay, AJ Benza, Amber Smith and others are on that list. Howard asked who calls AJ Benza. She said he does get calls. She said everyone gets a call. She said some people will just call everyone. Howard said Billy Mira is on the call list and he hasn't gotten any calls yet. He charges $6 a minute. Howard played an example of Billy doing his Ozzy impression. He also does a Billy Crystal impression so Howard played some of him doing that.
Howard asked Robin if she would call any of these people. Robin said if she was a kid and wanted to call an idol then she'd do it. Howard told Gary to call Octomom so he can talk to her. Howard said maybe he'll have some phone sex with her.
Howard asked what it would cost to talk to George Clooney or Barak Obama. Gina said she wishes he had them on the list. Howard said you can check this out at DialAStar.com.
Howard had Octomom on the phone. Howard said she told him that she'd never appear naked anywhere but now she's been topless. Octomom, Nadya, said that she has to eat her words. She said that she's actually out in the back yard right now. Howard said he has to hang up because he can barely understand her. She said she knows that. Howard asked where her kids are. He asked how many there are. Robin said there are 14. Howard thought it was 18. Nadya laughed. Howard said that she's laughing like 18 is more outrageous than 14.
Howard said he knows that she's eventually going to be blowing some dude for money. Nadya said she will never prostitute herself. Howard said she said she would never be naked either. Nadya said that she will never do that. Nadya said that she's very honest. Howard asked Gina if she's trying to get her to do porn. Gina said she doesn't want her to touch anyone else. Howard asked if she has something lined up. Gina said that she does have something lined up. Howard asked Nadya if she will do something where she touches herself on film. Nadya said she's not sure she'll do that. She said that it depends on what she's offered.
Howard asked Nadya if she keeps rambling on like she'd doing now when people call her. She was rambling as Howard was trying to talk to her. Howard asked how long her average call is. Nadya was going on and on about how she had someone on for half an hour once. Howard said he wants to talk to the kids and find out what kind if misery they're in. Howard asked what that would cost. Nadya was just talking and talking. Howard said she just goes on and on. He said this is a perfect job for her. Howard said it doesn't even matter what he says.
Howard said that Nadya has had 14 kids so she is nuts. Gina said that Nadya knows she's nuts. Nadya said she knows she's out there. She said she totally agrees with him. Howard said those poor kids...
Howard asked Gina if people are really calling her. Howard said he's not sure what they're doing with her on the phone. Nadya said she has some great conversation. Howard said he wants to try the phone sex angle. He tried doing that but Nadya was talking and talking.
Howard asked how old the youngest kids are. Nadya said they're 3. She said they're smarter than her already. Howard said he believes that. Howard tried talking sexy to her but Nadya wasn't getting into it. He kept trying but Nadya was just talking and talking. Howard said he's up to like $1,000 already. He said he has to get out of this. Howard asked if she would have a baby with him. Nadya was rambling after every question or comment. Howard said he can't have phone sex with this woman. Nadya said that everything is gross.
Howard thanked Nadya for the sexy phone call. He said he's not even sure what they talked about. She was still talking. Howard said he has to go. Nadya kept the conversation going. Howard asked if anyone has asked for their money back. Gina said someone did ask for their money back thinking it wasn't really her. Howard said he's going to try one last phone sex with her. Howard told her to imagine him rubbing lotion on her stretch marks. Nadya rambled some more. Howard told her to tell him what she'd do with his penis. She sounds grossed out by all of that so she won't talk sex with him.
Howard gave Gina and Nadya a plug for the DialAStar.com web site and said you too can talk to Nadya Suleman who is known as Octomom. Howard tried talking dirty to her again and said that it feels like his penis is in a big swimming pool. He said he wanted to stick his leg and arm in there. Howard hung up on her in the middle of a sentence. Gina said that you just have to hang up on her. She said that Nadya just doesn't hear you. She said that she needs to be on some kind of medication.
Howard thanked Gina for coming by. He gave her another plug and ran down some of the names of celebrities you can call. Howard said if you're shy then call Nadya. Robin said she's the one to call if you don't like calling. Howard said JD should call her.
Gina told Howard they just added a guy who has Tourette's to the line up. Howard said that might be a fun call too. He let her go and went to break after that.
Howard said JD should call Nadya Suleman. He said that he told that woman that she needs to get more celebrities over there. He said she told him that she's signing a bunch of NFL players and people like that.
Howard said Gary told him that he's going to call AJ Benza because he feels bad that he's only gotten one call so far. Howard said maybe JD could do something like that and have people call him. Howard said he would pay $14 a minute to hear him. Howard said he could do that service and charge his family to call him. Howard said that would be a great way to make money.
Howard said he tried four times to get phone sex going with Nadya. He said it didn't work at all. Howard told JD that he's proud of him for working last week and not coming to a taping. JD mumbled and stumbled over ''alright.'' Howard said maybe JD will come to one of the live shows. JD said ''we'll see.'' Howard said he's almost done traveling around the country. He has to go to Las Vegas for a week but that's it. Howard said they have to be there all day long out there. He said that's not going to be easy. There isn't time for fun out there.
Howard asked JD if he's in touch with those girls he was with out in Chicago and Arizona. JD said he's still in touch with the woman out in Chicago. He said they text about once a day. Howard asked if he's in love with her. JD said he's not in love. Howard said he would fall in love with anyone who would have sex with him. JD said that he likes her and he's more worried about other things.
Howard asked JD if he told the second woman that he was with someone the night before. JD said he did. He said he doesn't like to deceive anyone. He had some trouble getting that line out so Howard and Fred goofed on him a little bit about that. Robin said that it's not that hard of a word to get out. JD said sometimes he can't get the words out.
Howard asked JD why he can't have multiple relationships going on if they're long distance. JD said the girl in Arizona is very nice but he felt more of a connection with the girl in Chicago. Howard came up with JD's conversation with the girl he had to break up with in Arizona. He did his impression of him talking to her about the woman in Chicago.
Howard asked JD if he thinks about these girls all the time. JD said they do pop up once in a while. Howard asked if he does any sexting. JD said he's not talking about that. Robin said he must be doing that. Howard asked if he has beat off to her yet. JD said he hasn't. Howard asked if he thought about her this weekend. JD said he's not getting into that.
Howard said he beat off last night. He said he was watching YouPorn and he watched one of those videos where a guy sets up a fake audition for a girl and has her blowing him in front of the camera. Howard said he was laughing at himself standing there with his penis out and rubbing it. He said he had to get the poison out though so he had to do it.
Howard said JD has a whole thing going on with this girl. He said he should keep her going. JD said they're on good terms. He said he never said anything happened with her either. He said he felt a connection with her. Howard said he barely speaks so he's not sure how he has a connection.
Howard asked JD what he talks to the girl about. JD said he might have asked her what she's wearing and things like that. Fred did his impression of JD talking to her and saying ''I haven't washed my beard since I got back.''
Howard asked JD if he's exclusive with this girl. JD said he's not. Howard asked what he did this weekend. JD said he played some golf video game. JD said he wont go out and play the real game. Fred said he's the Eli Manning of Wii. Howard said that sounds like some weekend. Howard said he texted the girl in Chicago and played video game golf.
Howard asked JD if he's doing more Ronnie's Block Parties. JD said he's sure he will. He said that he doesn't have any dates right now but when they get more he will let them know. Robin wondered why he's showing interest all of a sudden. JD said they're okay to do.
Howard asked how many hours he plays golf on the video game system. JD said he'll play for an hour or so. He doesn't want his PS3 to overheat. Howard asked how old he is. JD laughed. JD said that thing is his DVD player as well.
Robin said she was next to one of the producers at AGT and someone asked who the guy was up there with the big cheeks. Robin said she was talking about High Pitch Eric. Robin said that the woman was shocked when she ran into this person from the Wack Pack. She said that she was shocked that his voice is like that all the time.
Elephant Boy said that one of the funniest moments was when people would yell out ''Scott!'' when there was any technical problems.
Howard said someone sent him an ad for Depends and Lisa Rinna is in it. Howard said she's in a tight dress and she's advertising Depends diapers that adults wear. Howard said she's like 50 years old and he's wondering if she's wearing diapers. Howard let Fred go a short time later. Howard said that ad is really weird. He said it's a sexy picture of Lisa and she's advertising diapers.
Howard said he had some audio of Debbie and Alice calling in and leaving a message. Howard played that and Alice was demanding an apology for Debbie. She said that they're disrespecting her and she doesn't like that. Alice said that faggots don't like ''womens'' anyway. Debbie and Alice were both getting in on the complaints and going off on Howard and Ronnie. Alice was revving up Debbie with all of her complaints. Howard said you'll hear that in a minute. Howard let the tape play and Alice was going off on him and calling him names. Then Debbie gets into it and calls them ''fuck faces.'' Howard said those two are perfect for each other.
Howard said Ronnie wants to unfollow Debbie because she's been Direct Messaging him. He said she sent him a bunch of messages and he got sick of it.
Howard said Rachel Butera does a great impression of Debbie. He played some audio of her doing that. It was an amazing impression. Howard picked up on Debbie and she was asking why he was fucking with her. Debbie said she's not even sure what's going on. She said she's confused. Howard said that's Debbie the Pet Lady. Debbie said she's Debbie the Pet Lady. Howard played more of Rachel's impression and said that's the voice in her head. Debbie said that is not her. She said she doesn't sound like that. Howard played more of the tape and it sounds exactly like her.
Howard said Debbie was at the America's Got Talent taping and she behaved herself nicely. Howard said he treated her so nicely and then she calls in with Crazy Alice and treats him like crap. Debbie said that he doesn't know the whole story. She said that Ronnie has been twisting stuff around.
Ronnie came in so Howard asked what's going on with him. Ronnie said he has no idea. He said she just went ballistic over the whole block party thing. He said he joked that she was going to Creedmore and she flipped out. Debbie said that they were fucking with her. Ronnie said she quit and she's doing her own block party at a pool hall now. Ronnie said she had a good thing going and she quit. He said she told him she was done on Twitter. Ronnie said that he didn't tell her he was taking her off the show. It was other people telling her that he was talking her off. Debbie said she saw a tweet that said she was off the show. Ronnie said he never said she was off the show.
Ronnie said she sent him like 5 direct messages on Twitter. He said that they put up that whole thing with Crazy Alice after that. Howard said all Debbie does is quit things and get upset. Howard told her to calm the fuck down. He said she did good at America's Got Talent.
Debbie said they're making her look like she's an animal and Howie Mandel was saying mean things about her. Ronnie said that he was saying nothing but nice things about her. Howard said Howie was thrilled to see her and he was shocked at how good looking she was. Howard said he wasn't saying anything bad about her at all. Debbie didn't believe that. She said they were twisting things around. Howard said she's ill and she's hearing things in her head.
Howard hung up on Debbie in the middle of a sentence. Howard said that a lot of people have been emailing him saying that they've heard enough of her. Howard read some of those and there were some people saying they're done with her but others who can't get enough. Howard said it's confusing. He played some of Rachel Butera's Pet Lady impression. He said she's clocking in with a new impression. Ronnie said they may have to bring her to the block party instead.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she was at the Wednesday and Thursday taping and she got up and sang in the audience and she got the buzzer hit on her. She said she got to meet Robin and some other people there. She said that Howard really entertained the entire audience. She said that she can see that America is going to love him. Howard said they'll have to see what happens.
Debbie called back and asked why they're so mean to her. Robin said that Debbie put Alice up to saying really mean things to them and then she complains about them being mean to her? Debbie was crying and saying that Howard should say he's sorry. Howard said she did something very normal and behaved at a taping. That's all she did. Howard said she should be good all the time. Debbie said she is good.
Howard and Debbie talked for a minute and Howard said she can come to a live taping. She seemed to calm down. Howard let her go and laughed. He said she's such a tortured woman. He said he may just have to tell her that he's proud of her like he's her daddy.
Gary came in and said that he heard that Debbie took triple medication to stay calm at the AGT taping. Howard said Daddy loves when she takes triple medication. Howard said that can't be good for her.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said that Howard is the act and he took the house down. Robin asked if that toupee is a ponytail too. Howard said he showed it to the one time and that ponytail is his real hair. Howard said he made several toupee references to the crowd that day. Howard said Bobo was right next to Fred and his family. He said that they must have thought that Fred was part of the Wack Pack. Fred said they had him sitting next to Ass Napkin Ed at one point. He said it was cool though.
Howard asked Gary who sets up where they sit. Gary said Fred was the only one who got weird seating. Fred said he got to see Bobo's ponytail so that was great.
Bobo said he made that ''There's a new Judge in town'' sign for him. Howard said that went right in the garbage. Bobo said Howard is really great with the fans and he loves him. Howard said Bobo was in all his glory there. He said he introduced him to people and it was great. Howard thanked Bobo for the call.
Howard took a call from a guy who was in the front row with his girlfriend at AGT on Wednesday. Howard said they put a lot of attractive women in the front row. The guy said they will pull people out if they don't belong there.
Howard said they tweeted out a picture of Bobo's ponytail. He took a look at it and said that's hideous. Howard said Bobo is hideous. Robin said she wasn't able to tell if it was his hair or not. Howard said you can see there are two different types of hair there. Howard said it's just the worst toupee ever.
Howard had Joey Boots back on the phone. Joey said he had them on speaker because he wasn't sure if he was going to pick up and he was listening to the show.
Joey said Robin went up and kissed Bobo at the show. Robin said she did that with Mariann too. Howard said Robin is a softie and she loves seeing these people. Robin is horny too. Robin said she's not that horny. Howard asked if she made out with him. Robin said it was just a hug and a kiss.
Joey said that Robin has kissed him before but when he saw her kiss Bobo that was something else. Joey said he had a whole show going on up in the Balcony. He said he was behind Ass Napkin Ed and Tracey Millman was up there too. Howard said Tracey should have been down there with him. Joey said Tracey wanted to throw Ed over the balcony. He said Ed was complaining about having diarrhea and things. Howard said they almost threw him out. Howard let Joey go after that.
Howard said Tracey should have been down on the floor. He said he wasn't involved with that. Howard said there was a lot going on there. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and sang along to the Stones song a little bit. Howard said that Sal and Richard called into Tradio again. Howard said they're good when they make those calls. Howard played the call and it stated off with some weird music. Howard cut it off and played some of the other weird music they play on those shows. Howard said he could make a whole album out of those songs.
Howard played the call and they say they have some Taco Tico tickets to give away. Then Richard calls in and asks about the Mike Morales tickets they have. They hung up on him. Then Sal calls in and bumps up the price of the tickets and the woman asks what his name is. Sal says his name is Lee Kenanus. Then Richard calls back and says something to get hung up on again. Then Sal calls in as Drew Penutsack. Then another guy says he'll give 5 bucks to the first person to turn those two guys in. He said they're not funny and someone will turn them in. The guy said this is a bunch of crap. Then they had a woman call in as Anita Rimjob and they cut off the auction and went to a song.
Howard said Richard and Sal found a sound clip of a woman getting anal without lubrication. In the clip the woman sounded like she was in pain. Howard said Robin didn't need lube when she did it. Howard said if he heard that noise with a woman he'd bring her to the hospital. Howard said she sounds ill. The guy in the clip is grunting and keeps going though. Robin asked who watches that for entertainment. Howard said Sal and Richard do.
Robin said Sherri is a very nice person. Howard said she is but he has to do a refresher on her. He played the clip from The View where she talked about how she's not sure if the world is round or flat. She said she's never thought about it. Howard said he can't take it when they talk over one another. He said he's going to make them talk one at a time when he goes on.
Howard played some audio from Dancing with the Stars where Sherri talked about getting booted from the show and crying when she was giving her goodbye speech. Howard laughed as he listened to it. Sherri was telling people that if they have a fear they should run to it. Howard asked if that's the edge of the earth for her.
Howard said there was tape of Mike Wallace at some event from a few years ago and he was talking to a room full of people and one of the questions was about the FCC and censorship with people like Howard Stern. He said that Wallace said he didn't want to talk about Howard Stern and he wouldn't talk about him. Howard said the question was about the government and not about Howard Stern. He said he couldn't even comprehend the question. Howard said he doesn't even know how brilliant the guy was. Howard said he was a fan of his but he's not sure a guy born in 1918 gets him. He said they all hate him. Howard said a lot of the producers at 60 Minutes are the people who do all of the work. He said Ruth Streeter did all of the work with him. Howard said she would tell Ed Bradley what to ask him.
Howard said the producers are the people who work their asses off over there. He said they don't get the credit they deserve. Howard said Mike Wallace got all of the credit. He said he can't take that away from him though.
Howard played the tape he mentioned earlier about Wallace being asked about the FCC and censorship. Mike didn't seem to understand the question so someone had to explain it to him. Once Howard's name was brought up Wallace said he's not a Howard Stern fan and he's old fashioned. He said certain kinds of language is wrong on the air. He said there are ugly things that are said and he is not a Howard Stern fan. Howard said he thinks Mike was out of it at the time. Howard said the woman was asking about censorship and not about Howard Stern directly.
Robin said many times these people take snippets of Howard out of context and that's what people like Mike Wallace is basing his opinion on. Howard said the guy had a low comprehension on that question. Howard said it was like he heard his name and his brain shut down. Robin said they tried asking the question a few times and he did get stuck on him.
Howard said that moron Rick Santorum finally got out of the race. Howard said he seemed to want to go around and lose and continually be embarrassed.
Howard said Sal and Richard went out and asked people about their thoughts on Santorum. Howard played some of that audio. The guys were asking people about Santorum's thoughts on gay's and religion and things like that. One guy was saying he wouldn't vote for a Jewish guy for President. Howard played another interview the guys did and this woman said that Santorum is a douche bag and he needs to stay out of her vagina. She reluctantly said she would vote for Howard Stern over Santorum. Sal and Richard asked her about Howard Stern and making out with him or an Elephant's Taint. She took Howard again but reluctantly.
Howard said he thinks that being in a room with him really helps. He had tape of this woman talking about him before she met him. She was saying that he was very crude and she's not sure what he's going to be like as a judge. She said he's just stupid. She went into a taping and then they interviewed her again when she came out. She changed her tune when she came out. She said he's not her cup of tea but he was good as a judge. She said he handled it well and did a great job.
The woman talked about how Howard handled this 7 year old kid that broke down crying. Howard said he doesn't want to give it all away so he cut it off.
Howard played another clip of a woman who didn't like Howard before the taping. She was saying that he's obnoxious, rude and crude. She said maybe she's too old. She said she was there to see Sharon. When she came out they asked her what she thought. She said she has a new respect for Howard Stern. She said it's different than when he's doing his radio show. She said he was much better than Piers.
Howard was in the middle of that whole thing when his iPhone started to ring. He thought he had it off. Howard jokingly said that it was Nadya Suleman calling back. Howard said he owes her $14 for that call even though she called him.
Howard said Rihanna had another meltdown. He said he was going to play that but he had to take another break. Howard said that if you ask her anything about her music or art then she flips out. He said she's lost her mind. Howard asked Robin if she's into rap music. Robin said she listens to some. Howard played a new song about himself. Howard said that was Necro. He said they were tweeting it to him every minute. He said its the Howard Stern Rap Song. Howard said he's lost when it comes to rap. He said he hates it. He said he does like Eminem or when someone raps about him.
Howard said he has some people on the phone who want to talk about AGT but he doesn't want to upset Judd Apatow. He said he'd hate to upset the creator of ''Funny People.'' Howard went to break after that.
Howard said this guy isn't in Mary's league. She said he's a good catch. She said he's very nice to her. Howard said he has to be nice. Howard said she's the best looking girl he's ever been with. Barry said they have a one year old so Howard said he hopes it looks like her. Howard asked what he got in the Ugly Meter app. Barry said he got a 55. Mary got a 79 and then an 83 when she tested. Howard said he believes it.
Howard said guys must hit on her all the time. She said that's not really what happened. She said she didn't get hit on that much. Howard asked Barry what he does for a living. He said he has a freight brokerage company. Howard said he must make a lot of money. Howard said it's no wonder he has a lot of money because no one wants to do that job.
Howard asked what a freight broker does. Barry said they will find trucks to ship freight and they hope that they can get the trucks to do it cheaper than they charge. Howard said he never would have thought about doing anything like that. Howard asked how many people compete with him. He said there are about 5 or 10 companies about the size of theirs. He said they do have some competition.
Howard asked where the live. Barry said they live in Tennessee. Howard said he must have slaves and everything down there. Barry said they can live pretty cheap down there. He said they have a nice house down there. Robin said they could probably own the state with the money they have.
Howard asked Mary is she's open to a lot of stuff. She said it depends on what it is. She said she's a mom now. Howard asked if she's into anal. She didn't answer. Barry said that's between them.
Howard asked if Mary had real boobs. She had implants. Howard asked if he did a good job. Mary said he did. She said she went from less than an A to a D-cup. Howard asked what a boob job costs down there. Mary said it was about 5 grand. Howard said in New York it would be about 25 grand. Howard asked if she runs around in a bikini. Barry said that they have a 1 year old now so that doesn't go on so much. Howard asked if she's breast feeding. She said she's not.
Howard asked if they're into role playing at all. Barry said sometimes they do. Mary said she teases him more than anything. She said she'll play student/teacher with him at times.
Howard said he played that once but when he told the girl she was the student she went and studied for an hour and he didn't get any sex. Howard gave the couple some other scenarios they could use. Howard said his role playing takes a whole village.
Howard asked if they ever got it on with a girl. Mary said they haven't and they probably wouldn't do that. Howard said that's a yes to him. Howard asked if Barry has ever brought it up to her. He said he hasn't. Howard said she's hot and he's impressed. Barry thanked Howard for that. Howard said this guy has a great life. He gets to go to work and make good money and then come back and bang this chick with those big D's.
Howard asked Mary what she did for a living before. She said she worked in a day care center. Howard said she's a nice woman. Howard said he has to get his mind off of them and get back to the show.
Howard said Barry can plug his business if he wants. Barry said it's called Access America Transport and they just started a web site at Nooga.com
Gary said Jon camped outside the restaurant to win a year's wroth of food. Jon said he did get it but they were down in South Carolina at the time so he's not sure if he can get the free food up there. Jon said that he's had good fast food so far. He said he goes to different places and asks people why they keep coming back.
Jon said they went to the restaurant and people were camped out in the parking lot. He said there are some people who had never been there but others had been there like 20 times. Howard said he can't believe that.
Howard asked the charity auction couple if they have had Chik-Fil-A and they have. Howard said he and Robin had Roy Rogers food every day for like 3 years. Jon said there aren't man of those places left.
Howard said he heard that High Pitch Mike was upset Jon was at Chik-Fil-A. Some people think they're anti-gay. Jon said they are very religious. He said they close on Sunday because they're a very religious company. Jon said there were some gay people camping out at the restaurant so he's not sure about that anti-gay thing. Howard said it sounds like his show is going well. Jon said he has to travel a lot but he's enjoying the show.
Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's Wrap Up Show. They talked about the Octomom call and Gina Rodriguez and things like that.
Howard took a call from Joe Mooski who was in line at AGT at 5 in the morning on Wednesday. Howard said he's glad he got to come and had a good time. Jon said his wife and kids were there on Wednesday for the early show too.
Jon wrapped up his show preview after mentioning the Judd Apatow stuff. Howard said the unrated version of that ''Funny People'' movie is over 2 and a half hours long. Howard said Judd complains about him going on too long about something... how about that movie? Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read about Maria Menounos in Allure magazine. Howard said she says she doesn't want to be naked but it's not like they forced her to be naked. Howard said they had her in the tickle chair on the show once and she was just about peeing herself there. Howard said she loves being naked and they must have misquoted her. Howard said she's so hungry for stardom. Howard said she's all over that Derek Hoff guy too. Robin said they say in the tabloids that she might be dating her dance partner. Howard said she's a weird girl. Howard said she has this boyfriend she's lived with for 100 years and he seems kind of hidden away. Howard said he might have to interview her again. Howard said he got the feeling that she would dump the boyfriend for him. Howard said they kind of infer that she's dating her dance partner. Howard said she does look great though. Howard said he saw a picture of her when she was in high school and she was fat. The boyfriend was there back then and he saw the diamond in the rough.
Robin read about Tim Tebow getting booed at a Yankee game. Howard said he has to leave that religion thing behind when he's at a game. You don't have to bring that stuff out in public. He said he's going to get down on one knee at AGT and see if he can make something out of it. Howard said you really don't need to do it at the game. Robin said that's part of some people's religion. They have to do it wherever they go. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read about how Robin Gibb is in a coma. She said that an outpouring of support has brought down his web site. Howard said the guy is a really nice guy. He said he's sorry to hear he's ill. Robin said the site had to be taken down because of the amount of traffic it was getting. Howard said he never really looked very healthy. He said his head looked like he was squeezed together. He said he was his favorite guy. Howard asked what's wrong with him. Robin said he's been fighting cancer and he got pneumonia. Howard said he's a great guy. Howard played some of their music and talked about that weird voice warbling thing they do. Fred played a goat sound and some of Maria Menounos laughing clips while they talked about that.
Robin said there was a woman who put an ad on Craigslist trying to find the father of her child. She got it on in the pit of a Motorhead concert and she got pregnant from that. She's trying to find that guy now. Howard said she must be a really responsible guy. He fucked a woman in a bathroom stall at a concert.
Robin read a story about some Brazilian cannibals who lured some babysitters to their home to eat them. Robin said they made Empinadas out of the people. Howard said he saw the story on the news and he turned the TV off. He said that's just disgusting. Robin read more about the people who did this and how they sold the food to their neighbors.
Robin read about a guy who was charged with stealing the identities of four brain damaged people he was helping. Robin said that was on Long Island. Howard said that is pretty smart to steal the identities of people who don't realize what you're doing. Fred played some Crackhead Bob clips during that discussion.
Howard said Judd Apatow just tweeted out that he will always love the show and his tweet was pretty mild. Howard said the war is over then. He said Judd should keep his mouth shut though. Fred threw in a Tracey Millman ''Douche!'' clip as Howard was ending that quick mention.
Robin read about how Guns N Roses was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Axl refused to be inducted. Howard said he doesn't understand that guy. He said he is so absorbed in that whole thing. He said he's sure Axl is out of money and he should just get back together and go out and make money.
Gary said he's been trying to get Axl booked on the show. He said that Axl is clearly crazy. Howard said he admires the fact that he can turn his back on them like that. He said he is the real deal and he's so fucked up he'll just say fuck you to everybody. Gary said he has complete tunnel vision about moving forward as Guns N Roses without the other members of the band.
Gary talked about going to a Guns N Roses show once and they were supposed to start at 8 but it was after 11 and they still weren't on stage. He said he got back stage with Ross and he saw what was going on back stage. He said they were all there but they were partying. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and played some audio of Chris Rock making fun of Axl Rose. Robin also had audio of Guns N Roses performing ''Mr. Brownstone'' without Axl. Howard said the only time Axl has had huge success was with those guys. He should just get back with them. Robin said he can't. She had some other audio clips from the hall of fame inductions. Howard goofed on Donovan a little bit after Robin mentioned him. Robin had some audio of him and John Mellencamp doing a song together. Howard said they should have had him there to do his cover of Hurdy Gurdy Man. He said he could have brought the house down. Howard asked Robin if she's heard that song. Robin said she's heard it many times. Too many times. Howard had Fred play his cover of the song he did with The Losers. Howard wondered how he didn't make millions with that song. He said that's a band.
Howard asked if Axl is fat now. Eddie said he's really not. He said he has had some bad pictures taken lately but he's not fat. Howard asked if he still has corn rows. Eddie said it's hard to tell because he's always got a hat on.
Eddie said that Guns played in England a while back and Axl had Duff on stage to play with the band. He said that Steven Adler said something about the band being a bunch of hacks and that upset Axl so that's why he won't get back together with the band.
Gary came in and asked if it diminishes the brand for the band and if Axl thinks of it that way at all. Eddie said he thinks that none of the guys other than Steven Adler really want to reunite. He said they don't dwell on it at all. Eddie said that Slash has his own band that's great and he doesn't want to go back to that. Eddie said that Axl is Guns N Roses. Gary said they should call it something other than Guns N Roses if it's not the original band.
Eddie said that the biggest wars in the music industry is usually over ownership of the name. Axl owns the name. Howard wondered how he got that to happen.
Howard asked Eddie if he's in a war with Sharon Osbourne. Eddie said he had a show on Ozzy's Boneyard and they moved his show when Sharon took over. He said he doesn't know Sharon and he's only met her once. Eddie said that Howard was an enormous influence on him so he speaks his mind. He said they've had everyone from Black Sabbath on that Metal Show other than Ozzy. He said he has never said anything about Ozzy that he hasn't said about himself. He said that Ozzy has said he can't sing and that's come out on his show. Eddie said he thinks that she has it in for him. Howard said he can talk to Sharon about it. Eddie said his show is now on Hair Nation. He said he does it at 6 o'clock and he does it live. Eddie said maybe a caller said something on his show and it was attributed to him.
Eddie said that Sharon did something where she erased the bass and drums on an album and they ended up restoring them after he said something and after Ozzy said something.
Howard asked if he wants him to talk to her. Eddie said that would be fine but a lot of people have said something to her. Eddie said he was on Ralph's show recently and he said he was going to say something to her. Howard said Ralph has to keep his mouth shut. He said Ralph has to just be quiet. Howard said he will boot Ralph right out the door if he does something like that.
Eddie said he and Ralph have known each other since before Howard. He said he was just trying to help out a friend. Howard said he's going to stay out of this thing with Sharon and let Ralph handle it. Howard told Eddie he has to get going. Eddie said that Guns N Roses isn't the only band using their name like that. He said Foreigner is another band that's doing the same thing. He said they have a group going around as Foreigner without any of the original members. Howard jokingly said Fred owns the Howard Stern Show name. Eddie asked who Fred is going to replace the front man with. They were saying maybe that guy Bucket Head could do it. Howard let Eddie go a short time later.
Robin read a story about some attacks in Afghanistan and what the President and John McCain are saying about them.
Robin read about Kim Jon Un and what's going on in North Korea. Robin said they had a parade and they were showing off a long range missile in the parade. That was all after their failed missile launch.
Robin read about how well the Three Stooges movie did over the weekend. Howard said he liked the movie. He said he thought it was going to be bad but it was fun and funny. Robin said it got mixed reviews. She said that all of the Farrelly brothers movies are like that though. Howard said all that matters is that he liked it. He's the judge.
Robin said the Hunger Games is still number one at the box office. Howard said he wants to see that too. Howard said he's falling behind. Robin read about some of the other movies that were in the top 5. Titanic 3D was one of them. Howard said he doesn't get that.
Robin read about Roger Clemens going back on trial for perjury. She wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:35am.
Gary came in and had some trouble with his chair. Jon said that he can see why Howard might get upset about those comments from Judd. Benjy said he's not sure why he'd put so much energy into it. Benjy said the guy wasn't being a dick. Gary said Howard might have overreacted a tiny bit but Judd is a friend of the show. He said if Howard tweeted out that he saw ''Funny People'' this weekend and it wasn't that funny, that wouldn't be cool. Benjy said that Howard was bashing his movie but only after Judd said something about his show. He said he's not sure if that's being honest. Jon said that Howard went somewhere he didn't have to go. He didn't feel that he had to bash the movie until he felt he was attacked.
Jon said he doesn't think that Judd was trying to hurt Howard. He was just letting Howard know how he feels about the show. He said Howard was bummed.
Jon said there were a lot of interesting things during that discussion about AGT and his parents and all of that. He said Howard felt that this taping meant a lot to him and his parents and sister didn't even call him. Gary said he thinks that Howard was bummed about that. He said his parents did appear to be thrilled to be there though.
Gary said that JD was invited to come to the show and he didn't show up. Gary asked if there is more to it than what he was saying. JD said he loves Howard and he supports him and he will watch the show when it's on. He said he would rather do his regular work than go watch a taping for 5 hours or something. Benjy asked if the big crowd of fans has anything to do with it. JD said that might be part of it. He said he'd rather just sit back and do his thing. Gary said he was invited so he wasn't keeping anyone from coming. JD said he's seen footage already and it looks good. He said he's sorry and he's not sure what else to say.
JD said that there are people who are offended that he didn't go. He was referring to Jason. Gary said Jason is just curious. He said that he's already in the city so he didn't have far to go. JD said he'd rather just do his work.
Jon said he thinks that JD would rather work than anything else during the day. He said that it's also all of the fans and the spectacle that it becomes. He said JD doesn't really like that kind of stuff. Gary said it's just for a second though. JD said he's just not into it. He said he's not sure what else they want from him. Gary said he's not sure if he's getting a real answer. JD said he's just not that into it. Jon said it's not a lack of supporting Howard. JD just isn't into going to see it. Gary said just seeing the operation is interesting. JD said they do a lot of sitting around and that would make him antsy. He said he didn't want to sit around for a long time.
Jon said Howard did say he was proud of him for not going and staying behind to work. JD said he was doing What's Wroth Watching for one of the shows. Gary said there were four shows though. He said he could have gone to one of them. JD said he knows that. He just wasn't into it.
Gary said that he invited JD to a baseball game. Is he going to show up. JD said he will. He said he'll make sure he gets his work done that day. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said it was fun seeing the whole crew there. He said it's like seeing family. Gary said it was like Howard had a party and invited everyone.
Gary said that Ass Napkin Ed was a mess there. They had him on the phone so they put him on. Ed said he doesn't drink. Gary said he seems pretty coherent now. Gary asked if he feels he was out of control. Ed said no and he's not sure why he thinks he was almost thrown out. Gary said he grabbed his neck and he almost wouldn't let go.
JD said he saw some footage of him outside and he was a mess. Gary said he was being a dick that day. Shuli said Ed will get loaded before he comes out to an event. Gary said he's been overly high at times. Shuli said he isn't that loaded right now. He said he could be like this all the time. Ed said his nerves are all fucked up.
Gary said he was hanging on him and he was with his family. He said Ed would not let go. Ronnie came in and said he's not sure why he came because he was almost passed out. Ronnie said he's an asshole and he's not sure why he even came.
Gary said they thought he was going to fall over the balcony. Ed asked why they're being mean to him. Gary said he's just trying to figure this all out. Gary asked if he was super high that day. Ed said he wasn't going to kill himself or anything. He said his friend was with him and she was helping him.
Ed told the guys he had to take more medication that day. Gary said he reeked of alcohol too. Ronnie said he heard he snuck in some booze. Ed said he was checked when he came in and he didn't sneak anything in. Gary said that he snuck it in because they had a list of things that weren't allowed in. Ronnie said he was as white as a ghost and he was passed out every time they looked up there. Ronnie said it looked like he was going to die.
Ronnie said they sent two guards up there to keep an eye on him. Ed said ''fuck them.'' Ed said Howard wanted to see him up there. Ronnie said he was passed out like a moron up there. He said he's not sure what the purpose is to show up and then just pass out.
Gary asked Ed if he was enjoying himself there. Ed said he did and he had a woman there with him. Ed kept changing the subject so Gary said he's deflecting.
Jon Leiberman came in and said that the girl who brought him there said that he drank a whole box of wine before the show and he snuck in a Gatorade bottle with booze in it. Jon said he just spoke to Ed an hour ago and he acknowledged all of this.
Jon said he was done with the Ed vortex. Shuli told him that if he didn't get so hammered he could get in on more of these events. Ed said that he has an addiction. Jon let him go after that.
Jon took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said that they're glossing over the fact that Fred and his family were in the balcony. Gary said that they don't know what that happened. Jeff said he was right up front. He said he could have been up in the balcony too. Gary said that's where almost everyone was. He asked Jeff why he thinks he deserved to be in the front. Jeff said the seats were empty. Jon asked if he thought they were taking as shot at him. Jeff said ''quite frankly, yes.'' Jeff said that he belongs down there. He said he didn't belong in the balcony.
Jeff said that Eric the Midget was in the front row in San Francisco. Ronnie said he was in a wheel chair and he was way over to one side.
Jon asked Jeff what he thought when he got into the balcony seating. Jeff said he wondered what kind of balcony seating that is. Gary said that they never said it was VIP seating. He said that it was just seats for the show that they got him. Gary said it was VIP seating because it was front row in the balcony.
Gary said his son saw Jeff's ass and he swears that he saw skid marks. Jeff told JD he has two words for him. He said JD is Benedict Arnold for not going to the taping. JD said he was working for the show. Jeff thought he was quitting the show. Gary told Jeff to quit SSI and try working for a living. They went to break after that.
Gary said that Nadya seems to be a very non-sexual person. They say that she might be doing a masturbation video thing soon. That's what the rumor is anyway.
Jon asked Gary who he thinks on the staff would get he most calls. Gary said that's simple. It's JD. Gary said JD doesn't want to talk to anyone but everyone would want to talk to him. JD said he can barely talk to people he knows. He can't talk to anyone he doesn't know.
Ronnie said he doesn't like talking to people either. JD said he talks to everyone after the block party shows. Ronnie said that's because he's had a lot of drinks.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked for Jon's Chik-Fil-A free year of food. Jon said it's non-transferable. The caller said that they have a lot of celebrities on those web sites and many of them aren't really celebrities at all. He said he has to look up their bios to figure out who they are.
Gary said he gets the Octomom doing it. He said she doesn't have a way of generating money. Gary said if you're doing something like that then you must not be doing well. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about how he wasn't sure where to begin. He said he has a lot to talk about. Robin said she saw he was having a rousing conversation in there. She said it was about someone wanting to come in on different days. She said Howard called her crazy. Howard said he doesn't remember what they were talking about. Robin said she wondered who that was. Howard said he's not sure how Robin does it. Howard said she just keeps moving when they have these interesting conversations.
Howard asked Gary what they were talking about. Gary said he's not sure either. Robin said they were talking about a woman who wanted Tuesday and then Wednesday. Gary said he had no idea either. Howard said he doesn't know and it's bothering him that he can't remember something they just talked about 5 minutes ago. Gary said he has no idea what she's talking about. Robin said they said it may have happened or may not have happened. Gary still had no idea.
Howard said they talk about everything. They were laughing about Benjy and JD. Gary said they talked about a woman who drinks her own urine. Howard said that's who it was. He said she's on that show ''My Strange Addiction'' and drinks her own urine. Howard said he has this audio clip of this woman talking about it. Howard said this woman is so into her urine and it's so disgusting. He said he gags whenever he listens to it. He said there are so many weirdos out there. Robin said that they publicize it and that brings out even more weirdos. Howard said they love talking to weirdos.
Howard said Ass Napkin Ed is one of them. He said he was such a pain in the ass that he's sorry he let him in. Howard said he saw Jeff the Drunk right next to him and he thought it was a dumb move to have the producers put him there. Howard said Jeff is very distracting. Then he comes to find out that he sat himself there. Howard said Jeff begged to go to the show so he let him in because he's a nice guy. Howard said he told Jeff not to be a jerk. Robin said he did tell him that. Howard said Jeff showed up and they put him in the balcony. He said those are great seats and Jeff sees there's a free seat on the floor and he goes right down and sits there. Howard said Jeff thinks that he has the right to sit in the front and he just went there.
Robin said that Jeff was calling to complain about not getting the call to get in. Howard said Gary asked Jeff what makes him think he can get into the VIP seats. Jeff thought he was a VIP so he sat himself there. Howard said they just gave Jeff tickets to get into the event. That's all it was supposed to be.
Howard said he didn't know where was a whole history for that. Howard said he got a note from someone who may want to remain anonymous. Howard read the note from this guy (That was me!) who said that Ed was so wasted that he was spread out leaning on his friend and things like that. Here's the full letter I wrote:
I was at the Thursday evening taping for AGT. I was up in the balcony right behind Ass Napkin Ed and his friend in the ''VIP'' area. He was so wasted that he tried laying his head behind the woman he was with. He'd spread out in his seat hanging on the railing behind him. Then he was leaning on a stranger next to him until the guy gave him a dirty look. Ed's reaction was ''What?'' like he wasn't doing anything wrong.
There were times when Ed would get up to go to the bathroom and when he'd come back he'd stand at the end of the aisle looking for his seat. It was the fourth from the end. All of us would be waving and yelling from 5 feet away ''Right here, Ed!'' and he still had no idea where to go.
At one point a group of four people left after their family member performed. Ed wanted to lay down and sleep in the four empty seats. This is all going on in the front row of that balcony section. Then he'd yell out ''819'' in the middle of the show for no apparent reason.
When Howard announced Ed was in the theater Ed got up, yelled "819" and walked toward the balcony railing. That's when it looked like he was close to stumbling and falling over. I was amazed that security didn't toss him out. By that time he had moved down a few seats right in front of Tracey Millman. He was hanging all over the rail above his head, a foot in front of Tracey, and just acting like a sloppy drunk. It was entertainment during the breaks... but the dude was an annoying mess.
Other than that the taping was great. I really enjoyed seeing the process and hanging with the fans. It really did turn into a Stern Fan event. I saw you outside but you were being mobbed so I didn't get a chance to say hello.
Howard said that Ed should have behaved himself. He said that he feels bad for anyone that shows up and they have this buffoon hanging out in front of them. Howard said that some people have proven themselves. He said that Debbie the Pet Lady behaved herself.
Howard read more of my note and read about how Ed almost stumbled and fell over the balcony. Ed was sitting in front of Tracey Millman. Howard said he's sure that the writer doesn't want Ed on his ass so he'll leave his name out of this.
Ed was on the phone so Howard took his call. Ed said he was there to see Howard. He said that he wasn't there to see the show. Ed said if he was so bad he would have been thrown out. Ed said that it was either Tracey or Joey Boots. Ed said it could have been Ronnie. Howard said it wasn't any of them.
Howard said Ed doesn't play along. He said he shouldn't want to sleep there. Ed said he wasn't tired before he got there. He said he got tired all of a sudden. Howard said Ed is being annoying. Ed said Howard is being annoying. Howard said he's a baby. Ed said he's not a baby. Howard said he's on public assistance and he's a baby.
Gary asked Ed why he's in such denial. He heard he drank a whole box of wine before he got there. Ed said that's a lie. He said if he drank that much he'd be dead. Ed said that the stuff he smelled on him wasn't alcohol, it was cologne.
Howard said that the Wack Pack has taken a turn. He said the guys used to be behaved. This guy isn't. Jon Leiberman came in and said that he saw the Gatorade bottle that he was using to drink out of. Jon also said that the girl that brought Ed to the show was the one who told him about the box of wine. He also heard that he got a ticket for not wearing a seat belt and he almost fell out of the car he was in. Ed said they were only going 5 miles per hour in the city. Howard said that's the Ass Napkin Ed rule. Howard said he's so annoying.
Jon said that girl showed up and he asked Ed if Jasmine Tame knew that he was with her. Ed said she does now that he's on the news.
Howard said Jeff the Drunk is the one who really takes the cake. He just sat in the front. Howard said Jeff makes his own rules.
Howard had Jeff on the phone so he picked up on him. Howard said Jeff is so annoying too. Jeff said he didn't bother anyone. Howard said he bothered him. He said he didn't want to see his ass crack there while he's trying to work. Howard said it's amazing the entitlement he has. Howard said Jeff just walks down and takes the front row. Howard told the two of them how annoying they were. Jeff said that Ed fucked up and didn't behave. Jeff stayed seated until he was introduced.
Jon said that he heard that Jeff may have had an accident in his pants. Jeff said he didn't. Jon said he heard he almost got into a car accident. Jeff said he never said that. Gary's son said he saw skid marks in his pants. Jeff said that's not true. Gary said Lucas said he saw something and he told him not to say that if it's not true but Lucas said he saw something.
Jeff got all upset and told Howard to call him on the private line. Then he hung up. Robin said he didn't want anything to do with Jeff apparently.
Howard asked Jon if he knows anything about this ''819'' thing. Jon said Ed was out there yelling it and getting people to yell it out but he thinks that no one knew why they were doing it. Howard told Ed he has to go. He told him to stop being annoying. He let him go a short time later.
Howard had some other audio of some fans talking about Ronnie and what they think of him. Howard said that Ronnie does a good job.
Howard said he was thinking about this urine lady and getting disgusted. Howard played some of the audio of this woman talking about her addiction on ''My Strange Addiction.'' Howard started to get sick hearing the audio. He said that this woman isn't a bad looking woman. He said that she looks kind of like Mariann from Brooklyn.
Howard said that they had a guy on the show who drank his own urine and he kept it in a Mason jar. Howard said that guy did the same thing as this woman.
Howard played more of the audio and this woman was talking about how it's not so awful to drink your own urine. Howard said it's a shock that she's single. Howard said if you have nothing going on in your life then you try to be special with something like this. Howard talked about how there are guys at Temple who get dressed in stuff to draw attention to themselves. He said that's what some people do.
Howard said he was just making a point to Judd that the two of them can point out the things that they don't do perfectly. He said that he's not sure why he's arguing with this mother fucker (Benjy). Howard said he heard Benjy pontificating about him and it was annoying. Benjy said he doesn't like it when people critique him either. Howard told Benjy he has a double standard and he doesn't want him critiquing him.
Howard said that Benjy puts on a voice too. He's trying to be all calm. Robin said he's like Hal from 2001 a Space Odyssey. Howard said that's exactly what it is.
Howard said JD the mush mouth was on the Wrap Up Show too. He said that JD really is a mush mouth. He said he's shocked that he had sex with two women. Howard said someone asked why he didn't come to the taping of AGT and he admires that he didn't leave work to do that but he is a mush mouth when he's giving an explanation.
Howard played some of JD talking about why he didn't go to the taping. He had trouble getting his thoughts out as usual. Howard said it's like JD's second language is English. He said he says ''Uh'' a lot and he's supposed to be able to speak the language. Howard said if he was Spanish he'd understand it.
Howard said you have to love JD. Robin said she could listen to him talk, or not talk, all day long. Howard said he stares at JD the whole time. Gary said JD stares at the floor and won't look back at Howard. Howard said he plays that stuff before the show and JD has to stand there listening. Howard said he just shakes his head like he can't believe how inarticulate he is.
Gary said that JD isn't aggressive with presenting stuff. He said that he has to ask him for a list of things and he has to push him to do it. Howard said it takes JD forever to present him with stuff. JD came in and Howard asked what he wanted. JD said he didn't know. Howard said he likes JD because he's so damaged. JD said he's really not. He said he just can't communicate well. That led to Howard and Fred making fun of the way he speaks.
Howard asked JD about the girl out in Chicago and how that's going. JD said it's good. Howard said that he'd like her to come in so the two of them can read their letters to each other. Howard said he'd like to know what kind of conversation they have in his room. JD said they have little questions and they do some kissing and stuff. Howard said JD is a man of few words. Howard did his impression of JD talking to her and asking if she likes Guitar Hero and if she drinks her own urine. Howard said he can't imagine what the conversation involves.
Howard asked Ed if he gets nervous and stumbles talking to the girl. He did more of his impression with Fred doing his right along with him. That led to them asking JD who his favorite foreign film maker is. JD said it's one of two French guys.
Howard said this guy on the phone thinks that he understands JD. The guy sounded like he dropped his phone. He told Howard that he saw JD at a book signing with Artie and he looked so uncomfortable. JD said he was working at those events. The caller, Tommy, said he isn't comfortable with strangers either. JD said he doesn't take attention well. Tommy said that's what makes him so popular. JD said some people think he's a dick. Howard said most people get him. He said it's good that he doesn't like the spotlight. Howard said he loves JD.
Howard said JD has to stop mumbling. He said he really likes this kid and he just wants to hug him. Howard said he's not annoying like Benjy is. JD said he knows. He said he has to interview Benjy's girlfriend on Wednesday because she wants to be Miss Howard TV. Howard said that's a whole other thing that's going on.
Howard said Benjy's girlfriend was asked to be Miss Howard TV and they told Benjy that she has to wear a bikini and Benjy said ''Oh no...'' Howard said she has to be in a bikini. Benjy said that's not what happened. Benjy said that's not what he said. Benjy said he'd rather let them let her say what she wants to say. Benjy said she told him that she wasn't comfortable coming in during the show in a bikini. Howard said that's fine. Benjy said all he said is that she'd like to come in dressed in a dress when she's on the show. Howard said she sent in some resume that Benjy obviously wrote. Benjy said she wrote it, he didn't write it. Howard said he didn't learn anything about it.
Gary said he was getting out of this. He walked out of the studio. Howard said Elisa is going to be Miss Howard TV and he'll interview her if she wants to come in. Howard said she's coming in dressed in a bikini. Benjy said he's fine with that. He said he just wants her to be comfortable. Howard said Benjy wants the spotlight really bad. Benjy said he's not crazy about it. Howard just sighed.
Robin asked why they were having fun with JD and then they get into this Benjy stuff and the fun is drained out of the room. Howard said he wishes that Benjy would stare at the floor instead of staring at him during these conversations. Howard said Benjy has those beady little eyes. Benjy said they're not beady. Howard said he has meatball eyes.
Howard said she should be the next Miss Howard TV. He said that Benjy's girl doesn't drink her own urine. Howard played a little more of the clip and then moved on.
Howard talked about this Secret Service group who got hookers down in Columbia and how it's really not that big of a deal. Howard said President Clinton was fucking with an intern so he could have been just as compromised as these guys could have. Howard said that if they were off duty then it's not that big of a deal. Robin said they weren't off duty. Howard said he can't argue it then.
Howard said that in the military they would give you a kit to help keep you from getting infected from prostitutes. Robin said they used to have women travel with the military so they'd be there as an outlet. Howard said he could argue both sides. Robin said the Secret Service should never be noticed so there is no arguing on their side. Robin said their careers are over.
Howard asked Robin how she'd feel if a Secret Service guy went over and hooked up with a regular woman and they get into an argument and it spills into the hall and then it comes out he has a girlfriend. Robin asked if he's working. Howard said it's the same situation as these guys. Howard asked if it would be the same thing if it wasn't a prostitute. Robin said it would be. She said that the Secret Service should not be distracted by anything. She said that those women were not supposed to be brought in there. Howard said he can't argue then.
Howard said for the most part the Secret Service is a good job. He said that you have to be on your toes but it's a pretty cush job. Howard said they're usually on it. He said this is a big stain on their whole thing though.
Gary said he heard that they had their itinerary out and the hookers could have seen where they were going to be.
Howard took a call from a guy who wasn't there. It sounded like he may have fallen asleep. Howard said he thought they were doing a rousing show. Apparently not.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he went to the L.A. taping and he thinks that he's taking over as the new Johnny Carson. Howard said he's on a prime time TV show and not a late night show. Howard said that people who come to the tapings leave being his fan even if they weren't before. Howard said he is a very polarizing figure and some people think he's just disgusting. He said there are going to be a lot of people who won't give him a chance on AGT as a judge. Howard said they won't want their kids watching him and things like that. Howard said just because he curses they think he's dirty but guys like Redd Foxx and people like that are filthy and they were able to behave on network TV. Howard said Bob Saget is the dirtiest comic out here and he was on Full House and America's Funniest Home Videos which are two big family shows. Howard said Eddie Murphy is the same way. Howard said he's filthy as a comic but he can behave in family movies.
Howard said there's a long history of people having two different personalities on TV and outside of TV. Howard said there are people who think he's the devil and the real test will be if they can give him a chance on the show or not. Robin said that there are some people who may not give him a chance but she thinks that they will eventually come around. Howard said he doesn't sit there and say he's the second coming. He said that he's just good at his job and he's a reasonable human being. Howard said he offers people an opinion and a critique they can use.
The caller, Shandor, said that he thinks Howard is going to be great on the show and he inspired him to be honest in his own life. He said he's all for it. Howard said he's not even sure why he's so polarizing. Howard said Johnny used to punch out his own wife and no one ever said he was a horrible person.
Howard asked Shandor what kind of truth he's telling girls. Shandor said he tells girls that he jacks off and things like that. Howard said that's good for him. Shandor lost Howard at some point so Howard let him go and went to break.
Howard came back and said you can check out a bunch of Jason Ellis' various appearances on HowardStern.com. Howard said Jason has a new book out. He said Jason used to be a skate boarder and he wonders how he made money doing that. Jason told Howard there are contests and you get royalty checks and get paid. He said that you get royalties from endorsement deals and things. He said it's an easy life and it's not even a real job. Howard said it must be tough later on in life though. Jason said when he was good there wasn't a lot of money in it but these days there is.
Howard asked what it is to be a good skate boarder. Howard asked how they measure it. Jason said it's the tricks they do and how good you are. He said there are guys who do new stuff and they get hot and get paid for it. He said there are Vert skate boarders and they do ramp stuff. He said that those guys wear pads and that's not cool to some people. He said that the street guys are more cool. They both make a living doing it. He said the street skaters don't make as much of a living at it though. Howard asked if he's ever judged. Jason said he hates all skate boarders so he would never do that. Jason said he pretty much hates everyone. Howard said he has never said he hates him. Jason said that's about it. He said Howard is cool and he gets it. He said that there was Opie and Anthony too and they come close to being Howard but then there's the rest of the industry that are all bad.
Howard said his dad told him not to go into radio because anyone can take his job. He said there is no education needed.
Jason said that Howard changed the game. He said he knows he can't do that himself. Howard said he didn't get into it to change the game. He said he just knew he could talk better than he could play records. Howard said he had the answer to how to make radio great. Then he figured that he was too arrogant. Howard said that there are people who do radio in a traditional way and some of them are good at it. Jason said that they suck. Howard said they really don't. Howard said he doesn't agree with Jason. Jason said that's because he's not as angry as he was in the early days. Howard said maybe he's right about that.
Howard asked Jason how he's doing with his radio show. Jason said it's great. He said they're really not paying him well though. He said he's only had his own show for 5 years though. He said he knows he has to put in about 10 years before they'll start paying him well. Howard said he likes his way of thinking. Howard said it took him a lot of bad years before he got good. Howard said Jason is lucky that he's in New York and he has a place to work out his stuff. He said it's not unusual to work it out for 10 years and get it correct.
Howard asked Jason about this book he wrote. Jason said he didn't write anything. He said he only read one book in his life. He said he read the Lawrence Taylor book and that's it. Benjy let out a chuckle and Jason said that Benjy looks normal again. He asked if he lost his girlfriend. Benjy said he got her and he still has her. Jason told him not to give up and go tan up.
Howard said Jason's marriage ended and the wife hooked up with a dude the day after. Howard asked if he talks about that in the book. Jason said the book is before all of that. Howard said Jason was married for many years and she left him. Howard said he even put a heart tattoo on his face for her. Jason said she went out with someone else because he's a dick. Jason said he's a dark person at times and he knows the root of the problem but he's just crazy. Jason said he doesn't want her back.
Howard said he heard he had a threesome the other night. Jason said he did but he didn't like it. He said he can't do it. He said he thought it would be cool but it's not the life he wants. Jason said the girls came over and they wanted to drink. Jason said he had to go to bed and asked them to keep it down. He said they came back and he was sleeping. Then they were on him and they had strap-ons on and they were doing stuff. He said there were three girls in the room. Howard asked if he experienced all three. Jason said ''maybe.'' Jason said his friend brought over his whore girlfriend and he had his own girlfriend there. Jason said that he was banging this other chick and this girl stuck her finger in his ass. He said he has had chicks kick him in the face and he didn't attack them. Jason said he made a fist like he wanted to punch this girl. He said she jammed that finger in there like it was a rape.
Howard said Jason's book is called ''I'm Awesome: One Man's Triumphant Quest to Become the Sweetest Dude Ever'' and it's available today. Robin asked if he really believes he's awesome. Jason said he does. Robin said she thinks the other side of him is winning. She said that he must not believe that. Jason said he has both sides but he does think he's awesome. Robin said he doesn't want to be honest. Robin said he can't be honest about this. Howard said maybe he is being honest. Robin said she thinks that she saw something there and he's not being honest.
Howard said he has penis envy. He said that Jason's is huge. Jason said he does have a big one. He said a girl put a shot of it up on the internet and he wasn't even embarrassed.
Howard said Jason talks about his dad in the book. He said that he worshiped his dad and then he came to the realization that his dad had molested him. Howard asked how deep he gets into that. Jason said the book was from before he realized it was his dad that molested him. Jason said that he took some drugs and he was told by an invisible friend that it was his dad who did it. Howard said it's amazing how the brain works. He said he blocked that out all these years. He said that's the worst crime of all when someone like that does things to you. Jason said that it really is. He said he idolized his dad.
Howard said Jason would see his dad fight a lot and he only saw him lose once. Howard said Jason wanted to be like that and worshiped him. Howard asked Jason how long his dad did this. Jason said it was probably 4 to 6 years old. Jason said that he and his dad would do things to each other. He said maybe Robin is right and he's not awesome. Howard said he thinks that it's awesome that he's facing that and dealing with it. He said the fact that he's sharing it is awesome too.
Jason said he thinks that he's helped himself by talking about this stuff. He said that helps other people too. He said he has to let it all out.
Howard asked if his dad did it to anyone else. Jason said that he didn't do it to his other brother. He said that the family is kind of weird about the whole thing so they don't really talk about it. He said that his dad was a family man before he came around. He said his dad was a drunk when he was a child. Howard said you don't get over that kind of thing though.
Jason told Howard that he thought he had found out that his dad had changed his life toward the end. He said that he heard his dad got paid to have sex with people. Howard asked who it was that was paying him. Jason said he thinks that it was more than women. He said he heard he was doing live sex shows until the day he died. He said he's not sure what he was up to when he was younger.
Howard said he sees these skate boarders and how dangerous it is. He said they had some on America's Got Talent. Howard said some guys came in on a small stage and they start flying through the air. Jason said it sounds like they're terrible. He said he can tell that there are a ton of guys who are better. He said if they were really good they wouldn't be on that show. Howard said he disagrees. Jason said if you're on that show then you suck. Howard said that's not fair. He told Jason why he feels that way but Jason still doesn't think that any pro skate boarder would go on that show. Howard said they were young kids and they had a unique act. Howard said if they make it through after Vegas then he'll bring him to AGT and have Jason judge. Jason said they are not real professionals if they're on that show. Howard said they were doing tricks on the show. Jason asked how that's America's Got Talent. Howard said it was entertaining.
Jason asked what these boarders were doing on the show. Howard said they had a tiny little ramp on the show and they were flying through the air. Jason still didn't believe they were real skate boarders. Howard said he's not sure if they were the best in the world but their act was entertaining. Jason said he can tell they were terrible just because they were on that show. Howard said their act was entertaining. He compared that to the Harlem Globetrotters.
Howard said Jason has said he wants to date Adrienne Curry who has been on the show. Jason said he still loves his wife. He said he's never loved anyone like he loved her. Howard said that's good that he was able to let her go. Jason said he isn't ready to do the work on himself that he has to do to be the man she deserves.
Howard asked Jason if any of the three women he was with the other night are suitable for a relationship. Jason said they're not. He said they stay up all night and until 9 in the morning. Jason said he hates himself and girls are attracted to that.
Jason said he's glad he did what he did but he found out that just isn't for him. Jason said he was caging this animal that wanted to do that and now he's done it.
Howard asked Jason about this thing he's doing with an RC car and his penis. He makes the RC car go and it yanks on his penis. Howard said that it sounds like he's a masochist. Jason also lets a woman cut him on his arms and chest. Jason showed them some of the cuts he has on him. Howard asked how he found out she'd do this to him. Jason said he went out with this woman and he talked to her and he found out that she was more and more like him. He said he likes the way she dresses and she's into the same things. He said she's 27 and he's 40. Jason said they went to the beach to hang out and then it was on. He said they were really connected and it felt crazy to him. Jason said she did some things to him during sex. He said that he was banging her and she put her fingers in her butt and was playing with his penis through her butt. Howard didn't get it at first but then he got it. She had her finger in her ass and while he was inside her she was playing with his penis. Howard said that's great. He said some guys would be turned off by that but it's a very creative thing. Howard said you kind of need that if you're going to be in a long term relationship.
Jason said that blew him away. He said she would spin around and do other things. They were on the beach in Venice Beach while all of this was going on. Jason said she started to scratch him and he liked that. Howard asked if she's tall and thin. Jason said she's thin and covered in tattoos. Howard asked if he could marry someone like that. Jason said he's not thinking about marrying anyone right now but he could marry this girl. Jason said he just go through all of this shit with his wife.
Howard said when he sees someone with so many tattoos he thinks that they're disturbed. Jason said that would work because they're both disturbed. Jason said that this girl cut him with the fingernails and he thought that it was just awesome. He said she's a mad man and he loved what she was doing to him. Jason said that they got into some other stuff and he told her he just loves her. Howard said it sounds like it's his new drug and she can keep it real for him. Jason said no girl has ever known him more than she did in two weeks. He said no one but his ex knows more about him.
Howard asked Robin if she would ever do that finger trick that Jason described. Robin said no. Howard said he would love to meet a girl like that. Jason said he would bring her in and cut her. Howard asked if they both cut each other. Jason said they do. Howard said the two of them are nuts.
Jason said that Howard found his new wife after being married for 20 years. He asked if his love for his new wife is greater than his ex-wife. Howard said that's a touchy subject. Howard said he doesn't want to offend anyone. Howard said there was a time when he was dating and the fantasy was not all that. He said it was a great learning experience. He said he had to get it out of his system. He said that he's madly in love with his current wife and she's been wonderful to him. He said he's very happy. Jason said that makes him happy. He said there is a dark side to him but that makes him happy.
Howard said he had to go to therapy too. Jason said he's in therapy. He said he was going 2 days a week. Howard said that helped him understand what made him happy. He said it wasn't his ex-wife that made him unhappy. He said he had to be healthy to go into this new relationship. He said he could have fucked it up. Jason said that's what he did to his ex-wife. He said he didn't care enough until the end. Then it was too late.
Howard gave Jason another plug for his book and said he'll be signing copies at a couple of places around the New York area. Howard said that his show is on Faction on Sirius XM in the afternoons. Howard said Jason uses the word cunt 14 times in his book. He said that he mentions Tony Hawk 42 times in the book. Howard asked if Tony is a skate boarder. Jason laughed. Jason said that he's done and over. He said that ruins his whole AGT skate boarder story.
Howard said Jason uses the word ''fuck'' 303 times in his book. He asked if he has to do that. Jason said it was just him talking. He said that this other guy wrote the book after interpreting what he was saying.
Howard said he had to do a Time magazine interview and they had an interviewer write it down. Howard said he got a copy of what he said and he didn't like the way it came out so he wrote it himself. Howard said that's what he'd be afraid of happening with the book. Jason said that he was fine with the way the book was written. He said he hasn't read the whole book. He said he has read parts of the book but not the whole thing.
Howard asked Jason about going to Amsterdam and having some tranny put something in his ass. Jason said he was young when that happened. He said he was in Amsterdam and he went to a prostitute and bartered for some stuff. Jason said he likes black chicks and looked at Robin. Robin said Jason is cute but he has a lot of problems. Jason said he doesn't see anything long term with Robin but one night would be fine. He told her she can use his penis if she wants to. Robin said ''No thanks...''
Howard asked Jason about this Amsterdam thing. Jason said he was drunk and trying to get a chick. He said he picked out a black chick and gave her the money. He thinks he took his pants off and the girl got behind him. He said she was jacking him off and then tried to put something in his ass. He said he turned around to say he didn't do that and he saw it was a cock. He said the girl was a dude. Jason said that he got suction and all he got in there was the tip of the knob.
Howard said Jason is a fascinating man. He wished him luck with his book. Howard said he knew a guy who bought his own book to make it a best seller. Howard said you have to know where to buy them though. Jason asked Howard to tell Sirius to pay him. Howard said he doesn't have any pull there. Howard said he got on the NY Times Best Seller list and there was a store, Caldor, that took him off the list. Howard said he was talking about that with Robin and how people just hate him. He said his fans love him but everyone else just hates him.
Jason asked Robin out again. Howard said she should give it a try. Robin said she doesn't do things just for the radio like Jason does. Jason said he's not doing it for TV. He said he would never tell if Robin didn't want him to. Jason said he's been with famous people and never told. Howard asked him to tell them one name of a famous person he was with. Jason laughed. He said he has been with some big names. He said he won't say who they are though. Fred played Maria Menounos' laugh but Jason asked who the fuck she is. Howard said she's on Dancing with the Stars. Jason said he doesn't watch that show. He said he talks about MMA on his show and Howard talks about Dancing with the Stars.
Jason said he pitched a show to the guys from Jackass and Jeff Tremane can't get over the fact that he fucked Chynna. He said he brings it up constantly during the meeting. Fred was playing a clip of Chynna on the show where she laughs and has a weird cough at the end. Jason asked Fred to please stop playing that. Howard said it's unbelievable to him that he did that. Jason said he really liked her and it was a crazy night. He said he doesn't regret it at all. Howard asked if she came from him. Jason said she did. He said she only sounds a little weird. Fred did his impression of Chynna as if she was Herman Munster. Robin asked why it's okay to talk about her and not anyone else.
Jason said that the other person he was with is really famous and she was married. Howard asked if it was Angelina Jolie. Jason said she was as famous as her. Jason said that her face changed after he did it. He said that the sun came out and her face looked different. Howard asked if it was Julia Roberts. Jason said it was George Clooney. Howard was trying to figure out who it was. He asked if it was Beatrice Arthur. Jason said he would do that.
Howard gave Jason another plug for his book. Fred asked if he was with Sandra Bullock. Howard asked who was married to Dennis Quaid. Robin said that's Meg Ryan. Howard asked if that's who it is. Jason wasn't going to say who it was. Howard was still on the Chynna thing and he said he finds that a weird match up. Jason said that he went over to find out if she was stronger than him and it turns out she's not. He said he really does like her and he had a good time with her.
Howard thanked Jason for coming in and Jason thanked him for letting him put a picture of him in his book. Howard wished him luck with the book and gave him another plug. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that song is so old now. He asked when it came out. Fred said it was 1993. Howard said that's like 18, 19 years old already. He said that's crazy.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who wants to talk about what Instagram is. Howard said he doesn't really know what it is. He said Facebook just bought the company. He said he knows that it's easy to put pictures up on Facebook and they say that Instagram is like Facebook for pictures. He said they say it's cool that you can upload your pictures and you can put some interesting effects on them. Howard said that's what he knows about it. He said he doesn't need that because he knows how to use Photoshop.
The caller Howard had on the line said that Instagram is for guys like Howard who want to post pictures. He said that you don't have to use the effects on them. Howard asked why he wouldn't' just put it on Facebook. Robin said it was aimed more at people who just want to post photos. The caller said that it's for other photographers to look at. Howard asked if other people can follow him on there. The caller said you have to be friends with them on there. He said Howard should be on there. Howard said he still doesn't understand it but he thanked the guy for the call.
Howard said you'd think that Facebook would buy Twitter before they'd buy Instagram. The caller said that they're trying to appeal to the liberal arts crowd out there. JD said that there are porn stars posting on there. The caller said that's art too.
The caller told Howard that he'd like to hear more Fred on the show. He said he's not sure that Jason Ellis is that interesting. He said Fred is more interesting. Howard said he'll talk to Fred for a few minutes then. Howard said he's not sure where to begin.
Howard asked Fred if he likes white people. Fred said he's not too crazy about them. Howard said he was out of questions for Fred.
Howard said Fred is very guarded. He said it's not easy to get a lot out of him. Fred said he doesn't do anything that crazy. Robin asked if he's ever had his penis massaged by a finger in the butt of the woman he was with. Fred said he has not.
Howard asked Fred who he likes the best out of Jason Kaplan, Jon Hein, Richard or Sal. Fred said he likes them all. Howard asked about the news team. Fred said he likes Lisa and Shuli. He said he doesn't know Jon Leiberman very well. Howard said he doesn't think this is going anywhere.
Howard played the clip and this guy ''The Razor'' came on and said that it's no longer the Razor and Mr. T show anymore. He said that he was partners with him for 15 years and he's no longer there. Razor said that it's tough when you've been with someone that long. The guy kept pausing and clearing his throat like he was choking up. The guy would let out grunts and ask his listeners to hold on.
Howard said a lot of people have been screwing up on air. He said that Nile Rogers was on Good Day New York and said ''fuck.'' Howard said they all freaked out and there is no reason for it. Howard said there's no reason to freak out over a word. He said it's just another dumb word.
Howard played that clip and the host was asking Nile about his song ''Freak Out'' and Nile said that the people at Studio 54 told him to F-off and he went home and wrote the song ''Fuck Off'' that was eventually changed to ''Freak Out.'' The hosts quickly apologized for the cruising.
Howard said there's a guy, Bob Beckel, who hates him on FOX News and he used the F-word on Sean Hannity. Howard played that clip and that guy just let that word out. He refused to apologize for using it. He told Hannity they weren't on the air. He asked why they weren't on the air now. Howard said that guy is out of it.
Howard said most people who hate him can't articulate it. Howard said that Prince William was in line at the taping and he doesn't like him. Howard played a clip of him talking about how he thinks he'll be better than Piers Morgan and he'd like to spill his royal tea on Robin's crumpets. Howard said he didn't know Prince William was a fan. It was just some guy with a British accent. It wasn't actually him.
Howard played some audio of that FOX News reporter, Bob Beckel, who doesn't like him. He was talking about how he dislikes Howard Stern but he refused to say why that is. Howard said the guy is a fucking moron. He played more of the audio from the FOX News show and they were playing some of the audio from the Stern show and commenting on that. Howard said they're off the charts hating him. Howard said they're really out of it there at FOX. He said that they were busting his ass for interviewing just a few people in that clip but FOX News is the same way. Howard said they just interview a few people too.
Howard said that guy Bob Beckel barely makes any sense. He said that you'd like to hear a guy like that make a point but that guy can't do it. He said they crush him every day on FOX News. Howard said he heard that Beckel was Walter Mondale's campaign manager when he ran for President.
Howard played the audio of Sal and Richard talking to the guy they were referring to on FOX News. The guy wasn't able to articulate his thoughts on the Occupy Wall Street thing.
Benjy told Howard about another Bob Beckel guy but Howard said he's going to let that one go. He said he seems pretty shaky. Howard said he didn't realize how shaky he was. Howard said he's a big fatso. Howard said he didn't know he was that fucked up.
Fred had some other stuff that he found about Beckel. He said it had to do with a prostitute and a check he wrote. He said he's not sure how true it is. Howard said he doesn't know if it's true or not either. He said if it is, then he's genuinely fucked up and he should shut up and be quiet. Howard said that's Walter Mondale's campaign manager who hates him. He wondered how he only won one state. Howard said that's insane. Howard said Mondale only won by 4,000 votes in that state too.
Howard said they hired him to be a sloppy mess on that channel. He said that Roger Ailes is a genius. Howard said the guy can't articulate himself and the conservatives crush him every day.
Howard lost his audio clip. Gary told him where it was. Howard found the clip and played Bob Beckel saying that Howard is one of the biggest bums of all time and also called him a son of a bitch. Howard said he should have a good reason to call him that. He said now Bob will go out and do some research to find out why he thinks he's a son of a bitch. Beckel sounded like JD just saying ''Oh never mind'' when he was asked why he hates Howard. Howard said he's a big dummy. He said if you're hired to be the liberal voice on FOX then you know that you're a big dummy. He said someone like Rachel Maddow would crush them. He said she would take them down if they hired her. Howard said FOX found Walter Mondale's campaign manager to be the liberal voice on that channel.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who brought up his lawsuit being dismissed. Howard said that is true. Howard said that's the first parlay and he's kind of bummed about it. Howard said the judge seemed to have listed that he was right about everything but then she dismissed it. Howard said he talked to his lawyer and he said it's a bummer but this judge has been overturned many times. Howard said he has to go to appeal the case. He said he knows he's not insane. Howard said he knows the deal he made with them and this stuff was discussed. Howard said the whole thing was that no matter what happens with the service, his bonus will be based on the number of subscribers they have. Howard said he was bummed last night and he almost didn't want to come into work today. Howard said he's not trying to punish anyone. He said he just knows what he was promised and the judge thought that it wasn't articulated in the contract. Howard said he will appeal.
Mariann said that Vinnie Favale was on Good Day New York last week. Howard said he knew about that and he chose not to make it a topic. Robin said that Vinnie has apparently hired a public relations person because he's getting write ups in the paper for that play of his. Howard said he wanted to come in and promote it. Howard said he's not sure that he wants to do that. Howard said they can't force people to go to the play.
Howard said he is kind of dismayed about this lawsuit thing. He said he knows in his heart that he's right. He said he is kind of down on the justice system. He said that's why he's against the death penalty these days. Howard said maybe he's a lunatic. He said his lawyers think the judge got it wrong too though.
Howard said he's annoyed with The Killing. Robin said she thinks it's getting better. Howard said he's sticking with it.
Howard played a clip of a news reporter talking about how that's what this reporter looks like when she gets sex from her kids. She meant to say ''texts from her kids.'' Howard thought that was pretty funny. He said he had even more but he's out of time. Howard said the show went so fast today. He had to go to break.
Howard came back while Richard's prank call was playing. He asked what the hell was going on there. Howard said Gary was afraid to bring up the lawsuit before Mariann did. He said Gary was telling him he thought the judge was saying that he was right about everything in the contract but then she just dismissed it. Gary said he felt that she thought that Howard was right but the way the contract was written made it so they couldn't go through with the suit. Howard said according to the lawyer he spoke to that can happen but they're going to try the court of appeals. Howard said he continues to believe that someone will get this right. He said he's not doing this to waste anyone's time. He said he was bummed. Not everything can go your way. He said maybe this will. That's all he's saying.
Howard asked Benjy what he just said. Benjy said he was joking. Howard said he doesn't get his jokes sometimes. He didn't want to get into that further though.
Howard said Benjy is probably on the Sirius side of the lawsuit. Benjy was on Judd Apatow's side in that argument. Howard and Fred did their Benjy impressions and goofed on him a little bit.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. He brought up the Jason Ellis interview and talked about that for a minute with Howard. Jon ran down a few more things they'd be talking about today.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said he took his 7 year old to AGT and he had a ball. Howard said it's very hard to understand him. He said he has to stop picking up on him. He said it's a total waste of time. Howard said he can't understand a thing he's saying. King said he turned off his sweeper. He hoped that helped.
King said that he sat next to Matt Lauer in the balcony. He said Matt had a look on his face like he was disgusted with Howard for some reason. Howard said Matt is just a tough guy. He said he wasn't disgusted. King said he was laughing. Howard said he's friendly with the Lauers and he told them to come by and see the show.
King said that he'd bet that a lot of people pretend to like him but they don't. Howard said he doesn't know why anyone would do that. King said Matt got up and left at one point after Howard said something to a black group that performed. King said there was a white lady who asked him how he feels about that. King said he told her it didn't bother him and then he noticed that Matt was gone. Howard said he knew Matt wasn't going to be around for the whole show. He knew he was going to leave early. Howard let King go and did a live commercial read and then to commercial break.
Howard took a call from Captain Janks who said he thinks he knows why Bob Beckel hates him. He said that he used to make prank calls to him on a show he was on and he'd torture him on a nightly basis. Howard said that makes sense. Janks said that's probably why he hates him so much. Howard asked Janks if he can put a phony phone call thing together for him with the Beckel clips in it. Janks said he can do that. Howard said that must be why he hates the show.
Robin read some news about the Italian Prime Minister getting into some trouble over some party he threw. Howard said that therapy would help guys like that. Howard said he has this huge testosterone level and he thinks that therapy helped him. He said there are guys who are like him and they think they need all of these women but they really don't. Howard said he knows of what he speaks. Howard said he's a lot happier now.
Howard took a call from a guy, Tommy, who said he knows Howard said Kelly Ripa might not like him anymore. Howard said he gets that feeling lately. Tommy said that he thinks that she doesn't have any boobs at all and she might be getting ready to hit the wall. Howard said he likes her and her husband very much but he's not sure what they did wrong to upset them. He said a lot of people realize they don't like him when they hang out with him. Robin said Kelly's husband actually married Howard and Beth. Howard said he knows.
Howard said he did talk to Regis the other day. He said that Regis is going to be filling in on a morning show for someone. Howard said he told Regis that he's glad he survived that trip to China. Howard said Regis told him about that trip that was going to last a month. He said it sounded so awful to him. He said he would just hang himself if he had to do that.
Benjy told Howard that Regis is going to be a guest host on The View. Howard said Regis is so happy to be back from China. Howard said he can't retire because he'd end up staying in his house doing nothing. Howard said that's what Johnny Carson did but he did it on a boat. Howard said he would want to hide. Howard said a lot of women would want to travel the world. He'd just want to stay home and watch TV. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about a teacher who graduated MIT and ended up having sex with one of his students. Howard said just because you're smart doesn't make you emotionally stable. Howard said he's probably a nerd. Robin said he was texting a 15 year old and he snuck her into his apartment when she was 16. Howard said some of the smartest guys are the biggest perverts. Robin said he might have been inappropriate with another student as well. Howard said he feels bad for the male teachers that don't want to have sex with their teachers but everyone thinks they do. Howard said he doesn't trust guys around kids.
Howard said during vacation he said he saw a cheerleader who was fucking one of her students. He said she was a Bengals cheerleader. Howard said Richard and Sal went out and interviewed some people about that. He played the audio and they were asking people if they had sympathy for the teacher since she might get in trouble for what she did and they don't think that's right. They were yanking people's chains about that.
Howard said he wanted to congratulate Drew Friedman who put out a coffee table book and he wanted to plug that. He said it's called ''Any Similarity to Persons Living or Dead Is Purely Coincidental.''
Howard read through some email about yesterday's show. He had a bunch about that Dial A Star service and who should be on that.
Robin read about Mitt Romney getting the republican nomination and how he's in a precarious situation now because he has to pick a running mate. The guys talked about how they picked Sarah Palin to run with John McCain and the movie they made about her. Gary told Howard about some of the stuff that happens in the movie.
Howard said Mitt Romney did a Baba Booey reference on Letterman. He was doing a top 10 list read and he said that he'll have a book out called ''They Call Me Baba Romney.'' Howard said no one got that except for his fans.
Robin read some more news about Mitt Romney. She said he's considering doing Saturday Night Live. Howard said maybe he should do it. Howard said he's kind of known for being kind of wooden. They spent a little time talking about him and playing some audio clips of him and his wife talking about various things.
Howard read an email from someone who asked them not to support Chik-Fil-A because they're an anti-gay corporation. Howard said that's what someone was saying yesterday when Jon Hein was talking about it. Howard said when you have a business you shouldn't be political at all. Robin said that some people think that if you follow God then you'll have a successful company.
Howard read an email from a woman who said she saw him in the AGT commercial and he looks great in it. She can't wait to see him on the show. Howard said he is very dapper on the show in his John Varvatos clothes.
Robin read more about Mitt Romney and talked about what he's all about. Howard said that he thinks that Harvard is a good thing even though some people don't think it is. Robin had some audio of Mitt Romney talking about what he thinks this country is all about. Howard pointed out that the guy strapped his dog to the top of his car during a vacation trip. Howard said the guy said his dog liked being up there. Howard said he's sure that no dog likes that. He said that's disturbing to him.
Robin read about a $130 check that bought the rights to Superman selling at auction for $160,000. Howard spent a minute talking about that and then read a live commercial.
Robin read about funding for arts programs and the cuts they're going to be taking. Howard said he thinks that the government spends too much but he hates to say this. He said that the arts make the culture what it is and it makes it a better place. Howard said when you see art being supported it can make a city a better place. He said it's what elevates us above the animals. Howard said the amount of money we spend on it is pretty small. He said the government wastes too much money and the first place you look to cut is the arts. He said that's kind of sad. He said he supports a society that contributes to artists. He said we're so bloated and over spent that they can't afford it. Howard said the biggest waste is the money they spend going to Afghanistan. Howard said that every great society supports their artists. Howard said in World War II the Jews built up Warsaw and then the place became a shithole when they chased all of the Jews out. Howard said it was an arts and cultural revolutionary place before the war. Howard said that was generating income. He said that's why people come to New York City. Howard said we should support the arts. That is the answer.
Robin said on 60 Minutes they had an orchestra in Africa where people would walk for miles to go play instruments. She said the thing was that they would do anything to play because it gives them joy in this awful place they live in. Robin said that it was amazing what the arts can do for people. Robin said they would walk for miles and miles just to do this.
Robin read about this event she was talking about and had some audio of a guy talking about the event. Robin said that they're in support of the arts and they're trying to get artists to come out and participate. Howard said some seed money for artists is what elevates mankind. He's all for it.
Robin read about Greg Lake going out on a solo tour. Howard asked who is looking for him. He asked who would want to see him without Emerson and Palmer. Robin had some audio of him talking about his tour. Howard and Fred spent a little time talking about Emerson Lake and Palmer and what happened to them.
Robin read about Angelina Jolie and some of the stuff she's been up to lately. She wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:15am.
Gary said that Will came to him and said that Elisa didn't want to wear a bikini and Benjy stepped in and said he didn't think she wanted to wear one. Gary said he isn't sure how it got to them because he should have worked it out with Howard TV. Jon said he thought that it was part of the package to be in a bikini on the show.
Gary said Benjy is one of the horniest guys on the show and he's always for the bikini thing. Benjy showed up and said he's not sure what they were talking about.
Benjy said people are acting like Elisa lobbied for this. He said the Howard TV guys asked her to do it. Benjy said she's kind of nervous about it. He said nothing was said about coming on the air. He said when they brought up the bikini thing and doing a segment she wasn't sure about that. Benjy said she's comfortable being shot in a bathing suit but being interviewed in one isn't the same. She wanted to wear a sexy dress.
Gary said there has never been a Miss Howard TV in a dress. Benjy said he didn't know that for sure. He said he told her that they'd probably say they didn't' want to do the segment then. He told her to do what she wants to do as long as she's comfortable.
Jon Leiberman came in and said that Doug said he's expecting a debacle tomorrow and they may just use the tape for a behind the scenes special. Leiberman said that this wasn't Elisa lobbying for this. He said that they asked her to do the Miss Howard TV thing. He said that Lisa G is upset about this whole thing. He said Lisa has been critical of Elisa's musical talents and her relationship with Benjy. Jon Hein said that has nothing to do with being Miss Howard TV though. Leiberman said that's true but Lisa sees that she wants something to do with the show.
Gary said something happened during vacation and the whole Elisa bombardment thing stopped. He said when he heard this was going to happen he didn't think it was a big deal. He said Elisa is pretty and she's pretty enough to be Miss Howard TV. He said that this is going to work for everyone. Leiberman said that's true and everyone will get to talk about it. Gary asked why Lisa G would be upset about it. Leiberman said that it was just an emotional reaction from Lisa. He said Teddy was in there yesterday and he saw that Lisa G was mourning the loss of Benjy as a friend. Teddy said he's not sure how she's going to get over this. Teddy said he thinks that you don't bring your girlfriend on the air. He said if you do then they have to do what Miss Howard TV has to do if they're going to be Miss Howard TV.
Gary said he felt that it wasn't Benjy's place to say if she should do it or not. Benjy said he wishes he had. He said that they could have said that it was a problem. Gary said Will asked Howard how he felt about it and Howard didn't have a response. He said that's when they brought it to Doug.
Jon said Doug and Gange are there so he asked Doug why he thinks this will be a debacle. Doug said he thinks that Benjy's shtick is going to come out and it's going to turn into a whole big thing.
Mike Gange said that the bikini thing is a big deal. He said that every Miss Howard TV has been in a bikini. Gary asked why they're talking to Benjy. Gange said that they talk to Elisa but she consults with Benjy about everything. He said that Benjy will then come to them. He said that this is different than usual because they work with Benjy.
Leiberman asked if something has changed in the past couple of weeks. Benjy said that Elisa is very shy about the bikini thing.
Jon Hein asked Gange if any other Miss Howard TV said she wouldn't want to wear a bikini would they say she's not going on the air. Gange said yes. Gange said if they don't feel comfortable going on the air they let them know that it's part of the deal.
Lisa G came in and said she wasn't upset about this. She said she was surprised. Lisa said that she was surprised that Benjy and Elisa agreed to do this. She said that there is no other spouse or girlfriend that has come on the show like this. Doug said they're not even sure if they're really boyfriend/girlfriend. Gary said they may have to fuck in front of them.
Lisa said she was in the room when Howard was talking to Benjy and she would have said thank you but no thank you to this offer. Gary said he thinks that this is different because they offered her the job. Lisa said it's very enticing but after what Howard said to Benjy about his relationship, she'd just let it go.
Gary said he can't get a handle on what Howard said to Benjy that should make her not want to do this. Lisa said she doesn't remember the specifics but he said something to him about how no other spouse does the same kind of constant plugging like Benjy and Elisa were doing. Gary said that was when it was a daily occurrence. Gary said it has been done in the past like when Jackie and Nancy were plugging. He said they just didn't have Twitter and Facebook back then. They had to go to break after that.
Doug and Mike Gange were saying that they can get a great show out of this whole thing no matter how it goes. Gange said he thinks that Benjy and Elisa are going to do some kind of bit tomorrow. Benjy said they're really not. He said Elisa wanted him to wear a bikini but he's not going to do that.
Gange said they tell the girls not to bring their boyfriends when they come in. Benjy said she had better not bring her boyfriend.
Doug said he thinks that Benjy is out of it. Gary said he thinks he's trying to be normal. That's what's going on there.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why they keep getting sucked into this Benjy vortex. He said this girl isn't bringing anything to the table. He said he's bored by it. Gary said this is new ground for them. He said it's sort of interesting and that's why they're rubbing against the edge of the vortex.
Gary said he's not sure if Benjy and Fred have a relationship or not. Benjy said he and Fred do talk a little bit. He said that they will high five and smile. He said he thinks Fred likes him. He said he's not sure about that but he thinks so.
Jon and Gary talked about how Howard talked to Fred today. Jason said he didn't play the ''Fred'' song and that would have made the segment great.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they talk about this vortex but he loves it. He said Benjy needs to put his name on that Dial A Star thing because he wants to call him. He said he loves all of this stuff. Benjy said for this guy, $9 a minute. The caller said he loves the whole show and Benjy is all about it. He said they all do a great job.
Jon said that JD got a lot of attention today too. He said that JD tried to explain himself the best he can but Howard loves that awkwardness. Gary said he thinks that JD loves the attention but it's not very comfortable attention. Gary said he thinks that Howard treats JD like a younger brother. Jon asked Gange if he gets treated like that too. Gange said that he has not. He said that Howard gave him advice about getting into TV and his advice was to carry a TV from one room to another.
Jon asked Gange if he thinks Howard really appreciates him as a long term employee. Gange said he thinks he really does but it's funnier on the air to pretend that he doesn't.
Benjy said he went to lunch with Jackie once and he told him that Howard had spoken at a seminar once and said that you're never supposed to compliment your employees. Gary said that sounds like something Jackie might have heard in his own head.
Ralph called in and he said that this conversation is ridiculous. He said they want the attention and they wouldn't book her if they didn't want this. Gange said they booked her because she's hot. Ralph said that they booked her because they know Benjy will do something stupid. Gary said that they might be afraid that they'll get something really stupid and they'll end up there until 7 tomorrow night. Ralph told Benjy to do something really stupid tomorrow.
Ralph asked what the whole Judd Apatow thing was. Gary explained what Apatow said and how Benjy felt that Howard had overreacted to it. Gary told Ralph about what Howard's reaction was to it and how he got angry at Judd. Ralph said that Judd is a tool and his movies are overrated. He said the guy is a dick. Gary said not all of his movies are overrated. Gary said he liked Bridesmaids. Ralph said that movie was so juvenile. He said that was way overrated. Gary said he liked Funny People for the first 2/3 but then it fell apart. Ralph said that's what happens to all of his movies. They had to go to break after that.
Jon asked Gange what he thinks about that. Gange said he thinks that Robin might want to hook up with a crazy guy like that. He said she seems to like that kind of dangerous and wild kind of guy. Gange said that Robin has done some dating with strange guys in the past. Gary didn't seem to remember who he was talking about.
Gange said that it's tough with Robin because she's the center of every conversation. He said that she needs someone who submits to her. Gary said Robin dated a guy for a long time and he seemed to know when to give her space and he may have been more Alpha with her off the air. Gary said that some people are like that and it was a good fit for her.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Benjy has taken over for Ralph as the most hated guy on the show. Gary said he's not sure about that. He said that Benjy is more perplexing than hated. He said you hate Ralph when Ralph wants you to. Ralph does it on purpose and Benjy is just more confusing.
Gary asked Benjy who gets more respect, him or Scott Salem. Benjy said he does. Jon asked who else is in that most hated group. Benjy said that it's him, Scott and Ralph. He said that he likes him a lot but Scott DePace is another one who seems to be hated a lot. Benjy said he has a very strong anti-fan base.
Jon asked Gary who gets the least respect on the staff. Gary said he thinks that it's Scott the Engineer. He said he doesn't dislike the guy but he always forgets him. Gange said he agrees because he's forgotten all the time. Jon said he thinks that Benjy is respected more because of his writing. He said that it's when he argues for the sake of arguing. Benjy said he doesn't do that and he looks at every side of the issues. They spent a little more time on that but they had to end the show. They were done at 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking about how he was listening to Ted Nugent. He said that guy is a lunatic. He said he's just nuts. Robin asked why that is. Howard said he said some things about President Obama and they're kind of whacked out. Howard said he likes Ted on the radio because it's fun to listen to him. Howard said Ted is a hunter and he doesn't think that he's all that tough because he shoots something. He said that the guy talks about how tough he is but he also talks about how he pissed and shit his pants during the Vietnam War. He said that the guy is fighting deer now. Howard said it's not that tough. Howard said if he's that tough he should sign up to go over to Afghanistan. Howard said he's kind of like Gary Busey. Howard said they both rant and rave. Howard said the guy is a pisser.
Howard said Ted made some statements and he had the audio of what he said. Howard played the clip and Ted was talking about why President Obama and Hillary Clinton are criminals in his mind. Ted wouldn't say what crimes they committed but he said everyone knows what they are. Ted also said we have to get involved and engaged. He said we let the enemy in and bent over for them. Howard said he's not sure what he's talking about. Robin said she doesn't care. She said he's a rock and roller and that's all he is. Howard said he should be playing Cat Scratch Fever and that's it. Howard said maybe that's the problem. Howard said he might even agree with some of what Ted thinks but he's not sure.
Howard said he would like to see President Bush put on trial. He thinks that he actually did some things wrong. Howard said they really do have to get Ted back in there to talk about this stuff.
Howard played more of Ted talking about the President. Howard said Ted was talking about ''chopping their heads off'' at the voting booth and he doesn't think he was literal. Howard said the Secret Service is keeping an eye on him now after some of the comments he made. Howard played more of Ted's rant and how this country became what it was because they defied the King. He said we're Braveheart.
Howard said that this guy really isn't brave just because he shoots animals with a gun. Ted was talking about chopping their heads off in the clip so Howard pointed out that a lot of guys who have guns are just a bunch of pussies. Howard said there are a lot of guys who want to carry their guns and in New York they have to be in the gun range to carry. He said they have every weapon known to man and they carry them around there. Howard said he goes to the gun range and he's just there to fire them to make sure they work and they're safe. Howard said he does target practice. Howard said some guys carry on like they're Kojack.
Howard said Ted was on some radio show, and he's jealous because it wasn't his, talking about how he trained the Secret Service. Howard said the guy is like the ultimate guest. He played some audio of that. Ted was saying that he has trained with the Secret Service and they're his buddies. He said he has gone out on raids with them. Howard got a laugh out of that. Robin said he's just another one of those wannabe cops. Howard said he has to do something when his songs dry up.
Howard said he'd try to get a mistrial if he was arrested by Ted Nugent. He played more of the audio and Ted was talking about what's going on with him and cracking himself up. Howard said he didn't realize he's a federal marshal. He said that's a great TV show right there. Howard said it's no wonder the Secret Service was fucking whores.
Ted was talking about how the Nazis and the Klan hate him. He said there are some monsters in the government who despise him because he speaks the truth. Ted said he will stand by his speech and it was 100 percent positive. He said they want to take back their government from the communists that are in power.
Howard said Ted is Wild. He said he has to shorten up his crazy statements. He said he was kind of boring there at the end. Robin said that's what happens when he doesn't get any oppositions. Howard said his computer just crashed. He said everything just closed up. Howard said he was just going to play ''Black Snatch Fever'' but he can't now. He said he can't access anything. Gary said Scott is looking into it now. Howard told him anytime before 10 would be nice.
Howard said he's so aggravated with the lawsuit being dismissed. He said he was getting so worked up about the articles that were written too. He said so many people are happy that he didn't win it because they're jealous. Howard said talent always gets screwed over. He said that those people should be happy if he wins because it could help them out in some way in the future.
Howard said the lawsuits end up going against talent. He said that people think that football players make too much money but it's the owners that are making too much. Howard said the reason he went to court was so simple. He said he entered into an agreement where he said he was leaving terrestrial radio and taking a huge risk. He said Sirius was going under when he signed on with them. He said they had 600,000 listeners and they couldn't support themselves. Howard said it costs half a billion dollars to send a satellite into space. Howard said he signed on with Sirius and said he wanted a bonus if they got 5 million listeners. He said if they got 10 million he wanted a bonus. Howard said he knows he could bump up the listeners. He said he just wanted a bonus.
Howard said at the end of making the contract he said that he was having a nightmare. He said he thought about what would happen if the two companies merged. He said if XM came in and merged and then fires him. Howard said if they felt he wasn't pulling his weight and blew him out then he'd want something out of the deal. Howard said he'd want some money if there was a merger. Howard said it had nothing to do with the bonus. Howard said XM was pissed at him for not going to their service. Howard said the judge steps in and sees he got a bonus for the merger. He said the decision is completely ludicrous. Howard said the judge thought that the intent was to only about the subscribers that came in for Sirius. Howard said he was all fucked up last night thinking about this.
Howard said the thing that really burned him up was the people around there who were smiling and thinking they taught him another lesson. Howard said certain people around there have been teaching him lessons his whole career. Howard said he's aggravated. He said this isn't a frivolous thing. Howard said one reporter said Sirius stock was booming. Howard said it was only up a few cents. Robin said it was only up like .03.
Howard said when talent speaks up they get fucked. Howard read an article about the case being dismissed. Howard said they think it was hundreds of millions of dollars. Howard said that's not what it is. Howard said a couple of news anchors were all happy about this too. He said they act like they have money in their pockets now.
Howard read the article where they talk about the law suit and what the judge was saying. Howard read about how he was looking for something out of the merger because he thinks that he had something to do with that. Howard said he was ruled against for that and he has to accept that. Howard said it seems ludicrous and outrageous that he didn't get to present in front of a jury. Howard said it doesn't say ''if he is responsible'' that he gets money. It just says it's based on how many subscribers they have. Howard said if he failed he would have gone down in flames and they wouldn't have to pay him so much money. Howard said he put his ass on the line and took the risk. Howard said there are a lot of people who wouldn't take that deal.
Howard said they say that the merger subscribers shouldn't count. Howard said he doesn't know how to compare that. He said if someone has stock in Apple then they're entitled to the money that they made after the iPad came out. Howard said the reason the subscribers are there is because he forced the hand of the merger. He said he's not sure what the problem is with the papers. Howard said the reason the merger occurred is because of him. No one else. Howard said XM stated to lose the race for subscribers and they gave in to Sirius. Howard said he was triumphant.
Howard said they refused to pay him a bonus so he sued them. Howard said he's hoping that someone has the ability to read the contract. Howard said they don't even say what this judge was basing this on.
Howard read more of the article and talked about another article that David Hinkley wrote about how he was trying to make a ''money grab.'' Howard said that's not what it was at all. He said he helped this company merge with XM and he thinks he deserves a bonus for that. Howard said they should base this all on how many subscribers they have. He said it doesn't matter if they listen to him or not. Howard said that he doesn't care if they're his listeners. He said he's participating in the company's success. That's what his contract said would happen. Howard said he's bummed out about this. He said it was tossed out and he hopes he's right in the future when he appeals.
Howard read about how Sirius thinks that he's been paid enough. Howard said that's what they did. Howard said his bonus went away when the merger happened. Howard said the contract doesn't say that they have to listen to his show.
Howard said the judge got confused when it said he got a bonus when they merged. Howard said they could have come in and thrown him out and then no one would want him. Howard said this had nothing to do with the subscriber bonus. Howard said he could have made zero if he didn't hit his bonuses. Howard said he performed a miracle and now they're refusing to pay.
Howard said he's a pro and comes to work every day and he still wants the company to do well. He still feels that he helped to build the company. He said the people who came there and didn't help build it are making billions. Howard said that one guy came in and now owns 40 percent of the company. Howard said he doesn't have a lot of luck in court. Howard said he doesn't have a lot of experience in court but this case is bewildering to him. Howard said he wouldn't ask for anything that he doesn't feel he's entitled to.
Howard said he took the gamble of a lifetime to leave terrestrial radio. He said he wasn't out begging for a job. He said he could go back to terrestrial and destroy this company if he wanted to. He said he just has to get his energy back. Howard said he might take 5 years of his life and bring all of his subscribers with him. He said he'll have to see. Then they'll see how they react. Howard said they don't know how to run this fucking thing without him. Howard said they'll beg Superman to come back. Howard said Superman is going back to Krypton.
Howard read more of the article he was reading and talked more about the merger and the bonus paid when they merged. Howard said that was just an insurance kind of thing. He said he could have been thrown out of there if the companies merged and felt he wasn't needed. Howard said he's floored by this decision by the judge.
Howard said they say that some judges might be tired when they rule later in the day and he's wondering if there was some prejudice there. Robin said that can happen at times. Howard said he wonders that a lot with his reputation. He said even with America's Got Talent there are people who think he's a monster. Howard said he wants to believe that the judge can leave their prejudices out of it. Robin said she can do that. She said she should be the only real judge in every case. Howard said he can do that most of the time too. He said at times he might have to ask for advice from the others though.
Howard said Sharon, Howie and Nick are going to be out at some event today in Los Angeles. Howard said he was talking to Howie about it and he was pretty sure that a lot of the questions would be about him. He said Howie told him he has his back.
Howard said everyone wants to know what was going on. He said even his dad called asking what was going on. He said he told his dad about what was going on and that took a while. He said it was a huge disappointment. Howard said it makes him look like he's a lunatic. Robin told him not to worry about that. She said that's what the opposition is supposed to do.
Howard said the judge thinks that the XM listeners don't count. Howard said they do count though. He said they pay their subscriptions just like everyone else. Howard said it's like there was no thought put into it. He said he's sure Sirius thinks they were right. Howard said it's a big disappointment.
Howard said he's going to stop making contracts with companies. Howard said it never works. Howard said he heard that Jay Leno gets a handshake from NBC. Robin said that's how he ended up out in front. Howard said he had a contract with one of the radio groups and they just fired him. Howard said that was going to be years of suing but they said he was in breach and just fired him. He said he's not sure why they bother signing contracts. Robins said it's the lawyers that are the problem. She said they should be iron clad contracts but they never are. Howard said that's true. He said he hires 50 lawyers to look over them and there's always something wrong.
Howard said he's going through something with their budget and Sirius must think they can do anything they want now. Howard said entertainers are perceived as being greedy. Robin said they're treated like children. Howard said some of the articles are saying he has enough money and he shouldn't get more. He said that's not right.
Howard said the whole thing is weird. He said some of the news people are saying he's making enough money. He said he thought he did a great job for this company and he should be rewarded. Howard said it's like James Cameron making a movie and asking for a back end deal. Howard said they would never pay the guy and say that the movie never made a profit. Howard said talent eventually said they wanted a percent of the gross. Howard said that way they made some money. Howard said that the movie company would say they made enough and cut them off at some point. Howard said it's all bullshit.
Howard said this is a weird situation because he still works there and he's talking about the whole thing. Howard said he walks around there like he's the enemy. Howard said they consider everyone there the enemy too. He said that people are very proud of fucking him over. Howard said he's a loyal guy and he's there working. Howard said he lost the case but he will appeal it. He said it's not the first case that was over turned so he's going to appeal it and keep on working. Howard said he has 3 more years after this year. Three and a half years left. Howard said he will do his best as he's always done. Howard said the listeners don't deserve to be caught up in this.
Howard said his reputation is the most important thing. He said he never thought he'd make two cents in this business. He said he worked hard to get here and the listener will not suffer. Howard said he will continue to do his show without malice. He said he will do his America's Got Talent thing and he can't wait for the fans to see that starting May 14th. Howard said he's excited about that and the fans have been so supportive and wonderful. He said they've been there with them all along. Howard said he appreciates them coming along with them there on satellite radio. He said that their loyalty is what helped them make the company what it is.
Howard said his anger is compartmentalized. He said he can still do the show and still enjoy doing it. He said that's it. He's going to continue with the case with his lawyer and see where it goes. Howard said it has nothing to do with the radio show. Howard said he came to satellite for many reasons. He said he enjoys the freedom. He said if the listeners didn't come over then none of this would be happening. Howard said he can continue talking about this stuff. He said he likes working with most of the people who are there. He said ''Sorry Benjy...''
Howard said he saw that the lawyer was a Boston University graduate. He said he hopes that she's smarter than him. Howard said he has such faith in the legal system but it keeps getting more and more diminished. Howard said he thought his way was pretty clear. He said it has him perplexed. Howard said he wishes someone could explain it to him. He said his lawyer couldn't even explain it. He said the lawyer told him that the judge got it wrong.
Howard said this whole thing doesn't even seem vague. He said that they say very clearly that he gets bonuses based on the number of listeners they have. Howard said that's pretty clear.
Howard said Beth must be sick of hearing about this. He said that he's running around with papers ranting and raving. Howard said the whole thing is weird. He said that he showed it to some people higher up than lawyers and they were stumped too. Robin asked who is higher up. Howard said God is.
Howard said he has to complimenting David Hinkley for continuing to write about radio. He said that he learned that W Lite is the number one station. Howard said he thinks that he could go back to terrestrial and become number one again. Howard said radio still fucking sucks. He said there are no innovators out there. He said there's nothing going on out there. No one is taking any chances. He said there is no problem with him stepping in and coming back. He said he could give the show away for free and see how everyone does without him. Howard said familiarity breeds contempt.
Howard said he wants to get off of this but he can't do it. He said he knows he's talking cryptically and making boring radio. He said he can't think of anything other than this though. Robin asked if a break would help. Howard said he guesses maybe that would do it. Howard said he'll take a break and make no mention of this. Howard asked the fans not to call in about it. He said he's having a meltdown and he thinks he can come back. He said he hasn't stopped talking about it since last night. Howard said his lawyer and psychiatrist had to hear about it too. He said that his psychiatrist had to make sure the door was shut because he yells and screams so much. Howard said he had this and a couple of other things going on that he was ranting about.
Howard said that this kid, Treyvon, went out for a drink from a convenience store and this guy, Zimmerman, saw him out and said he was suspicious. The guy called 9-1-1 and told them about the kid and they told him to back off. He ignored them and the next thing they know, the kid is dead. Howard said that this is some lunatic white guy, in his opinion, who went out and stopped his car and interacted with the kid. Howard said the guy had a gun and the kid must have been scared. Howard said maybe the kid attacked the guy but he had to have been scared being confronted. Howard said Melrose has to remember that black people were hanged for just looking at a white woman. Howard said Larry's statement at the start of this was wrong. Robin said she loves people walking around asking people about the Treyvon case. Melrose said he's not just walking around. He said he's working and selling maps in Hollywood. He said there are black kids out there who walk down the street and just scare the shit out of you.
Howard said Melrose using the N-word isn't right. He said he'll get knocked out one day when he uses it in front of the wrong person. Howard said that this guy Zimmerman isn't right trying to be a cop on his own. Howard said if he wants to be a cop he should go get a job as a cop. Howard said there's an overwhelming amount of evidence that this guy ignored 9-1-1. Melrose said he's not a racist. He said there are white N-words too. Howard said he has to get out of this. He hung up on Melrose and went to break.
Howard came back and said that was one of the most beautiful songs ever written. Howard said Elton John is a good dude. Howard almost said ''but'' so Robin asked what the but was. Howard said he did play at Rush Limbaugh's wedding. Robin said that's one negative thing. Howard said Elton made a money grab by doing that. Howard said he's a money grabber just like Elton according to the news. Howard said he really isn't. He said he has some integrity. He said he doesn't put out perfume like every celebrity. Howard said Kim Kardashian has a perfume out. Rush Limbaugh has a Excellence in Broadcasting chair that he sells. Howard said he doesn't do that kind of stuff. He said he wants to have a Howard Stern punching bag since that's what he is.
Howard sang along to the song and told Robin about the lyrics he used to get wrong. He said that Bernie Taupin's lyric don't make a lot of sense.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news headlines. He said he heard she's all in an uproar over Benjy and his girlfriend. Lisa said she really isn't. Howard said he heard she's been going on and on about it. Lisa said that she would have said no thank you about being associated with the show if she was Elisa. Howard said Howard TV called Elisa and she said she was up for doing the Miss Howard TV thing. Howard said you can't blame her for that. Lisa said that after what Howard said she wouldn't have done it. Howard said they called her though. He said she's not begging to do the job.
Howard said he has no problem with her being Miss Howard TV. He said that going out and starting businesses might be another thing.
Lisa told Howard this has nothing to do with Elisa either. She said that she and Benjy can't make up because Benjy called her a cunt on Twitter. She said that she pulled him aside and asked him to apologize and he just couldn't do it. Howard asked Benjy why he would do that. Benjy said it was after Lisa repeatedly said bad things about Elisa. Lisa said all she said is that she has a non-career. Howard said that's a little strong. Lisa said she only said it once.
Howard said Elisa is out in the hallway yelling so he has to bring her in. Howard said she's looking great today. He said she was in a bathing suit and he has no idea how Benjy got her.
Howard said Elisa looks great in a bikini. He said that's some hubba-hubba that Benjy got. Elisa said she's very comfortable in the bikini today. She said she has been walking around in one for a couple of days now.
Howard said this is the first time Lisa and Elisa have been this close. Howard said maybe Benjy can get a threesome going.
Howard said he heard that Benjy wanted to take Lisa out to dinner and try to work things out. Howard said calling her a cunt is a little strong. She said this is all between her and Benjy. She said it has nothing to do with Elisa.
Benjy said that Lisa kept saying that Elisa had a non-career. Lisa said that is not true. Benjy said she was being very negative about Elisa. Lisa said that she did it once. She said she did not do anything else. Howard asked Lisa if she ever got on the air and said anything. Lisa said it was in one report. That was it. Benjy said she was saying that Elisa was using him and things like that.
Benjy also claims that he apologized to her. He said he never called her a cunt. Lisa said he never apologized and he did call her a cunt. Elisa said he's really not like that and he wouldn't do it if it wasn't provoked. Lisa also claimed that Tim contacted him and asked him to take it down. Benjy said that's not true either.
Benjy said that it wasn't about her but he took it down. Then he said it was about her and he was upset with her but he apologized.
Howard said it seems like Lisa is very involved in this. Elisa said that she doesn't blame her for being in love with Benjy. She said that she must care a lot to be so involved.
Howard asked Lisa if she wanted to have a bikini-off with Elisa. Lisa said no. She said she and Benjy no longer have a relationship and she's mourning the loss of it. Lisa said if Benjy apologized for the cunt comment then maybe she could work with that. Benjy said he told her he was sorry. Lisa said he did not apologize. Benjy said he's sorry for calling her a cunt. Lisa accepted that apology.
Elisa said that Lisa spread rumors that Benjy was dead. Lisa said that the Benjy she knew is dead. She said that's what the RIP sign was above her desk. Lisa said Benjy changed when he got together with Elisa and he's not the same person. Elisa said that he changed but he's still the same person. Howard said Elisa makes a lot of sense while she's in a bikini. He told Lisa she might want to try that.
Benjy said he feels bad that Lisa was hurting. He said he's not going to accept her being mean about his girlfriend. Elisa said she heard Lisa saying ''non-career'' again. She said that she has said it more than once. Elisa said that wanting to be famous isn't that crazy. There are many people who want to be famous. She said everyone in this building probably wants to be famous.
Howard asked Elisa why she didn't try to get in on America's Got Talent. She said she sent in a video but she never heard back from anyone. She said that's the business though. Lisa said they had an open audition at Jacob Javits that she went to. Elisa said if she had gone then what would Lisa be saying about her.
Howard said Lisa G talks constantly about her cats and Elisa Jordana. Howard said that's what he's heard. Lisa said that's a lot of it but it's actually Benjy she talks about. Elisa side maybe they should get together and talk outside of the show. Howard asked Lisa if she would be into that. Lisa said that Benjy did apologize and she accepts. She said she's sorry for anything she may have said. Benjy said he's sorry he did what he did. He said he would like to go out to dinner with her. Lisa said she will go out to dinner with them. She left and Howard got back to Elisa. Lisa never did get to her news preview.
Howard said Elisa looks fantastic. He said he can't believe that Benjy got her. Elisa said she can't believe she got Benjy. She said he's the best. Howard said when he first met her she came on the show and admitted she was just friends and she could never be sexually attracted to him. Howard said she's in love with him and sexually attracted to him. Elisa said he's so gorgeous and she can't stop looking at him. Howard said he doesn't get it. He said he thinks that Benjy is so nervous that he's breaking out in pimples. Howard said he can't imagine a woman looking at that and wanting to jump him. Howard said he can barely see Benjy's face. Elisa said when you're in love you don't even see that.
Howard asked Elisa what the turning point was. He asked if it was having sex for the first time. Elisa said that Benjy was the first person to do things to her that she thought was a myth. Howard said he maintains that you can love anyone if you force yourself to do that. Howard said she was repulsed by Benjy. SHE said she wasn't repulsed. She said that he's very lovable. Howard said this is some bikini she's wearing. Elisa said she can be more skinny in a couple of months if he can wait for that. She said she hasn't eaten in two days. Howard asked how many pounds she's lost. She said she lost like 10 in the past couple of weeks.
Elisa said she and Benjy have been running together. She said they run 4 miles. Howard said he heard that Benjy walks and doesn't run. She said she never said he was the fastest runner. She said that it's a jog.
Howard asked Elisa about falling for Benjy. He said that she began to kiss and fool around with him. She tried to get into him that way. Elisa said she stated to get attracted to him after she was on the show last. She said that Benjy was doing things that showed he was so caring. She said that Benjy made it his number one thing to make her happy. She said that was something to her. She said she thought that no guy even bought her flowers before. Elisa said that Benjy cared about her and brought her to a therapist and just wanted her to be happy. She said most guys just made her miserable.
Howard said Elisa had to get past the fact that she wasn't attracted to Benjy. He asked how long it took before she had intercourse. Elisa said she had to make sure that it wasn't just the conquest for Benjy. She said that things weren't perfect in the beginning. She said she hadn't had sex in 3 years before that. Elisa said she might have been closed up down there. Howard said she must have been dry. Howard said that's what he's getting out of that.
Howard asked Elisa what Benjy did when he wasn't able to get in there. She said that he did oral on her and that was the breaking point. She said he's really good at that and he's so hot. Howard said that Benjy has claimed that he's been able to get women hot from that. Elisa said she doesn't want the word to get out there about it.
Howard said Elisa is about the best it's ever going to get for Benjy. He said Benjy isn't going anywhere. Elisa said she's very insecure about this. She said she wants to marry him. Howard asked what the delay is. Elisa said Benjy doesn't want to talk about marriage. Howard asked Benjy what the problem is. Benjy said he loves her. Elisa said he wants to be with other people. Robin said that's what Benjy has said in the past.
Howard asked Elisa if Benjy is wild sexually. She said she'll do anything with him. She said she'd even do anal but Benjy doesn't want that. Howard said it's very insulting to this girl to want to be with other women.
Benjy said that he's in love with Elisa and he knows he can't do anything with other women. He said he knows it would hurt her. Elisa said that Benjy loves this kind of crazy sexual life and she knows that's something he doesn't want to give up. She said that he likes that Craigslist thing. Elisa said she knows he's still on there and he's seconds away from talking to women on there. She said he clears the history when she comes into the room. Benjy said he's only on there for porn now.
Elisa said that the second that she hooked up with him is the second that he stopped caring so much. She said if she hadn't slept with him then he'd want to marry her. Howard said she looks amazing in that bathing suit and if she went out dressed like that he'd probably marry her.
Benjy said he thinks they should take their time and not rush the marriage thing. He said he's really not looking for other women on Craigslist. He said he can go on the web and look at porn. Elisa said she'd rather he be on YouPorn and not on Craigslist.
Benjy said he loves and respects Elisa and he's in love with her. Howard said if he was Benjy he'd marry her. Benjy said they've been dating for two months. Elisa asked how it's two months. She said that it keeps getting shorter and shorter. Howard said this is very insulting. Howard said she's been with him for like a year now. Benjy said they started dating in November. Howard asked if he even knows what the date is. Benjy said it's more like 5 months then. He said he loves her but they should take their time.
Elisa said she knows this turns Benjy off. She said she has to stop talking about it. Howard said she might have a point. Howard said 6 months is too soon. Howard said taking some time is good. Howard said Elisa gave into him and he knew it would be a problem. He said Benjy thought she was unobtainable. Now that he's gotten her, he might be looking for someone else.
Howard said Elisa should go out dressed in a bikini and guys will be all over her. Howard said Benjy will get jealous. He said that she shouldn't wear panties and it'll drive him nuts. Howard said they sent a picture out on Twitter @SternShow for Elisa. Howard said she looks great.
Elisa told Howard that some friends of her's thought Benjy would be out of there after they had sex. Howard said Benjy must demand kinky sex. Benjy said it's not that kinky. He said he just likes sex. Elisa said that she likes it and she has to come up with more dirty talk. She said she likes it though. She said they pretend to be other people at times. Benjy said he pretends to be a good looking person. Elisa said that they pretend to be people in the news. Howard asked if they pretend to be Zimmerman and Treyvon.
Elisa told Howard that there was a thing in the news about the school assembly where this kid was being kissed by an adult. They were pretending to be those people. Howard said Elisa must be the hot teacher and Benjy is the student. Elisa was laughing and saying that's what they do.
Elisa said that she saw a video of Benjy acting retarded so she asked him to do that too. She said that she finds that hot. Benjy laughed. She thought his impression of Bill Clinton is hot too. She said she likes it when he does those voices.
Howard said that Benjy should be admired for getting her. He said he's trying to figure out the sex thing though. Howard said Benjy converted her by giving her oral. Howard said that he went down on her and she had the first orgasm that she's had in a while. Elisa said that it was the caring thing that mattered more to her. She said that he's great in bed too. Howard asked if they go to weird places to have sex. Elisa said she'd love that but Benjy hates it. She said they tried it once on a train. She said Benjy hated it. They were in the bathroom of the train.
Howard asked why Elisa said that she has to be flexible in bed. She said that Benjy does this thing with her legs where they're pinned behind her head. Howard said he thinks he could get that done too.
Howard said Elisa is going to be Miss Howard TV. Gary asked if she's going to get topless. Howard said he thinks that Benjy would freak out about that. Benjy said he thinks that she'd feel bad about doing it but she's free to do whatever she wants. Elisa said she thinks she's gone pretty far with the bikini alone. She said she might to out to a bar tonight and make Benjy jealous. She said that this bikini thing is working. Howard said she has to go out on her own and just leave Benjy home alone. Elisa said that her friends are there so she might go out with them.
Howard said that Elisa will be on Howard TV soon. He said you can check her out at Facebook.com/ElisaSchwarzMusic. Their song ''Online Sweetheart'' is still available on iTunes too.
Howard took a call from Ham Hands Bill who was asking if Benjy does anything with her ass. Elisa said that Benjy won't go there. Bill also thanked Howard for having him at AGT. He said he felt like a VIP. Howard said he is a VIP. Bill told Elisa that if she wants to make Benjy jealous then she knows where he is.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Bellvue called looking for a missing patient with a pink bikini on. Howard said he's not sure what he's talking about. He said Elisa is the only one there with a bikini on.
Howard said he thinks that he's had enough of these two. Howard said he heard that Elisa beat Gary Kasparov at chess. Elisa said she did beat him and it was definitely him. She said she didn't know who he was but she was told about him and she played him and won. Howard said that would make her one of the best in the world. She said maybe he let her win.
Howard asked if Robin would like Benjy to go down on her. Robin said she thinks she'll pass on that. Elisa didn't want to share Benjy with anyone. Howard said Elisa might want to see a psychiatrist about this love of Benjy. Elisa said that Benjy is really great and he really cares about her. She loves that about him. Howard said it seems like Elisa is different than she used to be. She said she's on a medication now so maybe that's it. She said that she's on something called Lamictal. Howard said he thought that was some heavy duty medication. He said that's not a casual drug. Elisa said she's still jealous so maybe it's not working.
Elisa said they go to couples therapy too. Howard asked why that is. She said they don't fight except when they're in there.
Howard said this whole thing is amazing. He said maybe it's good she's on Lamictal. Howard asked if she wants him to come home after work and freaks out if he doesn't get home on time. Benjy said he would never cheat on her. He said he has lust for people but he would never do anything like that. Robin asked if Benjy is on any medication. Benjy said they say he should take stuff for ADHD but he hasn't done it.
Elisa said that Benjy got very jealous of her. She said that she has a friend who took a picture with her and Benjy flipped the fuck out. She said he was upset that it looked like she was hugging him and she wasn't even hugging him. There were 3 other people in the picture with them. Howard said she has to get all dressed up and go out and make Benjy nuts. Howard said he knows that Benjy would get more jealous than she would ever get for Benjy. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he has John Cusack there. Howard said he's a big fan of John's. He said he loved ''Say Anything.'' He said he loves romance and he loved that movie. John said that Howard's movie was kind of romantic. Howard said it was but unfortunately it ended in divorce.
Howard asked John why he's never gotten married. John said he's against divorce and he doesn't want to end up divorced.
Howard said John has avoided a few movies that could have been huge for him. Howard said he has a whole list. He turned down Platoon. John said he did that. He said he was going to college though. He said he thought the movie would be good but he had to go to school. Howard said saying no to things is the hardest thing in the world. Howard said saying no to a filmmaker and a movie like Platoon must be tough. John said he was just in talks so it wasn't like it was his film. He said that he was about 18 when that came around. Howard said it must be hard to go to school when he's got a career going and he's in school with people who are trying to find a career.
John said he got into NYU but he only got in because he was a famous actor. He said he wasn't very good in school. John said he had done a film called ''The Sure Thing'' and he thinks that got him into NYU. He said he never did very well in school. John said he only lasted 6 months. He said he did acting and then law and then he was done.
Howard said it has to be tough when none of his teachers had acted like he had. John said he didn't do it for acting. He said he wanted to get some life experience. He said he wanted to learn other things. He said he did that for 6 months. He was renting an apartment at the time so he didn't have a roommate.
Howard asked if chicks were swooning over him since he was a famous guy. John said he had a few people swooning but he really doesn't remember that much. Howard said the professors must have wanted him to give them jobs. Howard said that's like the guy from Weezer going back to Harvard after he was famous.
Howard said John turned down Apollo 13 too. John said he didn't want to go to space. he said that it was the Bill Paxton role and he didn't think there was that much to do. Howard said it would have been cool to do.
Howard said John turned down Batman Begins. John said that's not true at all. He said a lot of that stuff just isn't true. Howard said he saw John as Edgar Allan Poe and that was a tough role to pull off. He said it was a cool movie. He said it was like a Sherlock Holmes movie to him. John said that he did invent that kind of character so that's why it was like that. He said his wife didn't want to see it when she heard it was Edgar Allen Poe. He said that's the problem they're going to have with ''The Raven.'' John said it's rated R so it should draw some people in. Howard said he liked that it was rated R.
Howard asked John how he prepared for that movie. John said he read some of Poe's books and some of his stuff is really demented and out there. Howard said he really liked the movie. He said it wasn't what he expected at all.
Howard asked John about his dad being a film maker. John said he worked in that Mad Men world in the 50s. He said his dad did it to support his family. He said after that he started making some documentaries. Howard said it must be less intimidating when your dad is making films. John said it can give you a leg up for sure.
Howard said he would never have thought about doing any of that stuff so young. Howard said he was unprepared as a young man. John said he sucked too as a young man. John said he got rejected a bunch too. John said he did have some training as a young kid. He said he did some theater and then started making movies when he was in high school.
John told Howard about doing the movie ''Class'' and how crazy it was that he was in a movie with Jacqueline Bisset after getting out of study hall. Howard asked if he got laid because of that. John said no one believed him because the movie wasn't out yet. John said after the movie came out then he got laid. He said it was a while after he shot the movie though.
Howard said that John must be worth like 50 million. John said there's wealth and then there's Howard Stern wealth. Howard said he could be wealthy if his lawsuit wasn't thrown out. John didn't know about that so Howard quickly filled him in. Howard said he really didn't want to talk about that.
Howard said he had investigators go to John's bank and they found out he's worth $50 million. John said that stuff just isn't true. Howard asked what his quote is. John said there is no more quotes in the industry. He said they don't work that way anymore. John said that they will get you as cheap as they can these days. He said they'll basically tell you ''fuck you'' if you demand a lot of money. He said the economy is bad for everyone including the movie business.
Howard said John is a pretty political guy. John said he is a little bit. He said it is pretty important. Howard said he voted for Obama last time and he's going to listen to Mitt Romney and decide later. Howard said he will listen to both guys. He said he's not a democrat or republican so he will go with the best guy. John said Howard is an independent then. Howard said he is. He said it seems like not a great choice between those two. John said he thinks that people get killed to feed certain economic sectors. He said it's total madness with the wars going on in Afghanistan and places like that. He said that he's not sure how long we have to stay in war torn countries when they've been war torn for 5,000 years.
John said that he's heard about Obama extending the executive order stuff to the point where they can say you're a terrorist and throw you in jail without a trial. He said that Obama may not use that power but what about the guys who follow him? He said that's a pretty scary thing.
Howard said a guy like Rick Santorum would be really scary with that power. He said Santorum wanted to get rid of porn. John said that if his nephew wants to go to a protest and someone wants to throw him in jail for something someone else does then it's not right.
Howard said he thinks that we were lied to about Iraq and he's not sure why we're in there. Howard said he thinks it was a deliberate lie and people get angry with him when he says that. Scott DePace is one of those people. DePace said that we weren't lied to and this is just dumb. Howard said that's the kind of people who disagree. Scott said maybe he just made a mistake. Howard said there are lots of people who will argue over that point. John said that he finds that stuff scary. He said he thinks there are good people out there in government.
Howard asked John if he knows if Rihanna is really with Ashton Kutcher. He said John must know since he's close to Hollywood. John said he's really not that close to Hollywood. Howard said he must be pretty close to Hollywood. John said he actually lives in Chicago. He doesn't live out in Hollywood.
Howard said John is still writing movies and stuff and he must like having the experiences there. John said that he likes the big city life.
Howard asked John if he did the drug thing. John said he has done a lot of that stuff in his life. He said he had never tried Heroin. Howard said he snorted heroin once when he was told it was coke. Howard said he did every drug and they all freaked him out. John said he tried to be a pot head but he hated it. John said the whole culture is very weird and people are just too soft and fuzzy. He said he doesn't like what they say when they're high. Howard said he knew a guy who smoked like 8 joints a day and he got nothing done. John said he likes coffee so he'd probably be a speed kind of guy. Howard said he can't smoke pot. He said he hates it with a passion.
Howard asked John if he got paranoid on acid. John said he thinks he was out in the desert when he did it. He said he used to try to mix stuff. He said that it was like the Hunter Thompson kind of thing. John said he was friends with Thompson and they would mix fear and adrenalin. He said that they'd take mushrooms and go to a Sammy Davis Jr. show. He said that you'd start to clap for someone and you'd feel like you were making Sammy do things.
Howard asked if he was an unhappy guy when he was doing drugs. John said that wasn't it at all. He said that he wanted to see how far to the edge he could push it.
Howard asked John if he went to therapy. John said he did for a little while. He only went a couple times a month. Howard said he goes 3 times a week and he needs it. Howard said he's a mess. John said he seems happy. Howard said he seems that way but he's a mess.
Howard asked John about therapy and if he thought something was wrong with him that he can't commit to a woman. John said he never had a problem with that. Howard said he's dated some of the greatest women of all time. John said he's sure his list is off like the other lists he had.
Howard said John must have had waitresses and people like that too. John said that any actor needs attention and that's why they do what they do. Howard asked if he gets a rush from doing a movie like The Raven. John said it can be a rush. He said he doesn't like the attention all on him personally. He said he likes playing someone else.
Robin asked John if he gets the whole Christian Bale freaking out on the set thing. John said he actually does. John said there are times when you're trying to do a movie and you're trying to do a good job. He said there are some cinematographers who do nothing but tweak lights. He said that you try to lose yourself in a scene and then you sit for 25 minutes after the lights are changed. He said that some of them are notorious for taking a light and tweaking it for 6 hours. John said that he's not sure what happened with Bale but it's obvious he was upset. He said you don't know the context of what happened. Howard said he went on pretty long complaining. Howard asked if he knows Christian Bale. John said he doesn't and he doesn't know the guy he was yelling at either.
Howard said John knows Woody Allen and guys like that. John said he saw John McEnroe last night and he told him to say hello. Howard said John is still that angry competitor that he always was. John said that they were playing two on one against John and he was getting bored. John said they went out to dinner that night and they were talking about how they got 3 points against McEnroe and from the other end of the table they heard him say ''TWO...''
Howard said John worked with Woody Allen twice. Howard said he has a problem with him. He said he thinks his films are pretty brilliant and you admire his talent but how do you put aside the thing he did with Mia's daughter. John said he worked with him right around that time. He said he hasn't worked with him since then. He said he did look into the story but he didn't really know what was going on there.
Howard asked if he should work with Woody if he calls. John said it was fun working with him. Howard asked if he would work with Mel Gibson. John said he doesn't try people in the press. He said that he's known Mel and he seems really nice. He said if you put a bottle of tequila down him then there's no telling what he might say himself. Howard asked about Roman Polanski. John said he might work with him. He said everyone makes mistakes. He said that everyone should be allowed to have redemption.
Howard asked if there's anyone he won't work with. John said he'd have to think about that. Howard asked if he would work with Hitler. John said he actually made a film about him. Howard asked if that film was ever released. John said it was. He said some of the films are art house films and they're not that big. Howard said he played an art house dealer who sold Hitler's paintings. John said that he told Hitler to get the anger out in his art. He said that's all based on some stuff that actually happened so it was pretty cool.
Howard gave John a plug for his movie ''The Raven'' and said that it's really good. Howard said he loved the movie and it's a hard R rating. Howard said by the end of the movie they learn about the mystery of Edgar Allan Poe's death. He asked if that's based on truth. John said that the movie is mixed with truth and fiction. He said back then they would get the drugs and take people out and have them vote two or three times and he thinks that he may have been in someone else's clothes because he was voting multiple times and changing clothes.
Howard asked John about the women he's dated and mentioned Neve Campbell. John said that is true. He said she's a beautiful woman. Howard asked John about how long that experiment lasted. John said they went out for a little while. He said it was like 4 or 5 years. John said that he has had some long relationships like that. John said he doesn't' like talking about this stuff.
Howard read that John dated Cheryl Crow. John said she's just a friend. He said he never dated her. Howard asked why he didn't. John said they're just friends.
John said he's not the guy he thinks he is. Howard asked if he's ever had a threesome. John said no and asked if Howard has. Howard said he had a girl blow him while another girl was messing around with him. Howard said he was attracted to everyone in his movie. He said he was married at the time and he wouldn't cheat. He said the whole movie thing fucked up his head. John asked if he hit on Mary McCormack. Howard said he didn't. He said that he was doing scenes with very beautiful women and it was difficult to come down from that and live a normal life. John said he doesn't really live a normal life. Howard said he was at the time. Howard said he loved that movie experience. Howard said the whole thing was great. He said that his mind was blown. John said it can be a good time. He said he's had bad times too though. John said if it works then you want to do it forever.
Howard said you can have a million things go wrong on a movie. John said that if you do 3 out of 10 that are good then you're still doing pretty good. John said that there are some movies that come out and don't do that well but some people still really enjoy them. He said he did that movie ''Say Anything'' and it wasn't a big hit when it came out. He said it did better later on. He said you just can't know.
Robin asked if he's done any movies that were tough and they worked. John said he had to think about that. He said he thinks when they made High Fidelity they had some issues. He said that was pretty hard. He said mostly they're not that bad. Howard said it's the worst when you read a script and then the movie doesn't come out right. John said it can go bad in the editing room. He said Betty Thomas is good at doing things right and getting what she wants. He said some directors will shoot from many different angles and they just get snow blind from it.
Howard asked John if he dated Janice Dickenson. John said no. Gina Gershon was another friend. He said he never dated Jennifer Love Hewitt. Howard asked where this list came from. John said it's from the internet. Howard asked if he dated Angelina Jolie. John said no to that too. Howard said he wants to get this out in the open. John said 70 percent of what he reads on the internet is wrong.
Howard asked who the other girl was that he had a long term relationship with. John said she wasn't famous. Gary came in with the list of other women. He mentioned Meg Ryan. John said she's just a friend too. Howard said he must have dated her. John said he really didn't. Gary said maybe because they're friends they just assume that they dated.
Gary mentioned Uma Thurman. John said he did date her. Howard said he would cum so fast if he was with her. Howard asked John if he can put out of his mind that he's with this very famous, beautiful person and not explode. John said he doesn't talk about that kind of thing. Howard said he's not talking about Uma, but with any woman.
Gary asked if John dated Britney Spears. John said that isn't true either. Howard said he heard that he dated Anthony Weiner's current wife. John said she's a friend.
Gary asked about Rebecca Romijn and a few others. John said they're just friends. John said that Howard must have hit on Mary McCormack. Howard said that would be lame to hit on his movie wife while he's married.
Howard asked if John got into this for women. John said of course he did. Howard asked if he has a great life. John said it can be a good thing. He said it's great to get paid to do anything creative. He said that's always great.
Howard said that John has 5 brothers and sisters. Howard said he knows about John. He said his sister is a famous actress. John said his other brothers and sisters dabble in acting too. Howard said he has a sister and she isn't jealous at all. Howard said he's glad he doesn't have a brother.
Howard asked John if he's the oldest. John said he's the youngest son. Then his sister came along and stole his thunder.
Howard asked John if his parents made a fuss about him. John said that his dad passed away 9 years ago. He said his mom is still around. He said that they seem to think that his sister Joan is the one who has the talent in the family.
Howard asked John if he's a good boyfriend. He said he must have a good way of breaking up. John said he actually takes a long time to let someone into his world and it takes even longer to get them out. He said he is sensitive to that. Howard asked him to break up with him. John told him ''Get out.'' Howard asked if he tells them how he's feeling and says ''It's me, not you.''
John said that he hasn't heard Howard's show since he went to satellite but he used to listen when he was on terrestrial. John asked if he had to hold back from cursing too much. Howard said he's not going to just curse because he can curse. Howard said he doesn't have to do that. Howard said that's what he told himself but then he got on the air and started cursing like a sailor. Howard said he thinks that he's funnier when he's cursing.
Howard said John has to leave. John said he really doesn't have to leave. He said this must be how Howard breaks up. Howard said he's bad at breaking up too. He said he dated some women after his divorce and he would tell these women that he just got out of his marriage and he wasn't looking for a long term relationship. Howard said he'd get into a relationship anyway. He said he would take someone to dinner and tell them he met someone else. Howard said they all appreciated that. He said he'd let them know what was going on and not lie to them. John said he sounds very sensitive. Howard said he is and hardly anyone knows that.
Howard asked John if he's ever had to lay cash on someone after a long relationship. John asked if he really thinks he'd do that. Howard asked if he's in a relationship right now. John said he is in love with someone. He doesn't live with her. Howard asked how old he is. John said he's 45. Howard asked who the woman is. John said he won't say who she is. He doesn't talk about that stuff.
Howard said John seems like a good guy. He asked if he's in a monogamous relationship. John said when he's working on movies he can't commit like that. He said that's why he won't get married and have kids. He said he's seen friends who have gone through that and he wanted to skip the first divorce and go right to the second marriage. He said that's his secret plan. John said it's better to just tell people that he's trying to write and direct films.
Howard asked John if he'd get jealous if his sister got more famous than him. John said that she's already famous. He said that she's a better actress than him. John said that he's hired her to work with him and he can get her cheap.
Howard asked John if he has ever done a movie where he didn't think he nailed the part. John said he has. He said he's done a bunch like that. John said pieces of all of them.
Richard came in and asked how often people come up to him about ''Better Off Dead'' and how often people come up to him and say ''Where's my 2 dollars?'' John said he has to block people on Twitter when they ask him that. He said it happens all the time. He said it would just fill his feed if he let it go on all day.
Howard said he loves Woody Harrelson and John is close to him. John said Woody loves his pot. Howard said he must want to hang out and get high with them. John said he has hung out while they smoke but he smokes a cigar instead. Howard said he couldn't do it either. Howard said he has pretty much stopped drinking too.
John asked if Howard was ever a coke head. Howard said he never was. He said his problem was quaaludes. John asked where he came across that stuff. Howard said that was a long time ago.
Howard asked if John and Woody talked someone off a bridge. John said he doesn't remember ever doing that. He said he wishes that one was true.
Howard gave John another plug for his movie ''The Raven'' and talked about how great it was. Howard said the broad in the movie is hot too. That's Alice Eve. Howard asked John if he banged her. John said no. Howard said that's enough of his lies. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later. John said he'll come back whenever he wants. He said he didn't lie that much during the interview. Howard said he knew he did. Howard said he knows he banged some of the women he said he didn't. John said that's not true. Howard said he'll have a whole new list of women he banged. Howard said he wants to talk about his attitude about sex and not the specific people. John said that he was kind of specific today.
Howard asked John if he has ever tried a dude. John said he has never even though about it. He said that he doesn't think he could even play a gay guy in a movie. He said he just wouldn't be that good at it. Howard said he knows he had a threesome and that he did Kate Beckinsale. John asked how he knows that. Howard said he's just throwing names and making stuff up. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that the interviews get better and better every time. He said he just wanted to thank Howard.
Another caller said they have to get George Bush in there so maybe their perception of him would change too. He said he used to think John was a huge douche but that interview changed his view.
Howard said he didn't realize how late it got. He said they've had a very busy morning. Howard said he has more audio of Rihanna shooting down another question. He said they'll have to do that on another show.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Howard said he had a good show yesterday but he cant get to the clips. Howard said he'd have to sit there for 10 hours to get through it all.
Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's Wrap Up Show. They spent a minute talking about Benjy and Elisa. Howard said Benjy has calmed down and he's not as red as he was earlier. Benjy said he was very nervous.
Howard had Mutt on the phone and he didn't know the heroin snorting that Howard had done. Howard said he's talked about that before. Mutt said he somehow missed that. Mutt said they're going to be talking about Celebrity Tweets like Judd Apatow's tweet. Mutt said they'll also talk about Howard feeling slighted by his family after they came to see the taping of AGT. Howard said he's constantly looking for approval and praise. Mutt said they'll also talk about Benjy, Elisa and Lisa G and a bunch of other things tonight at 7pm on Howard 101.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she was listening to Howard talking about AGT and the way people's perception is changing. She said that she loves that he will be changing people's views on him. Howard said he hasn't done it yet. He said that he has done that with some of the audiences at the tapings. The woman also said that Jesus loves him. Howard said that's not such a compliment since Jesus seems to love everyone. Howard said that doesn't make him feel special. He said his dog loves him and licks him when he comes home. He said he doesn't think Jesus would do that.
Robin read a story about Eddie Van Halen and how he's had cancer resurface twice over the past year. Robin said they found it in his throat and tongue and they took care of it surgically. Howard said he knows he continued smoking and Eddie thinks that the smoking didn't do it. He thinks it was putting his guitar pick in there that did it.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she wanted to tell him what a great time she had at the taping on Thursday night. She said she was seated right behind him. Howard said they put all of the hot people behind him. The caller said that they had her seated next to a couple of hot guys. Howard said if you look 3 rows back you'd be shocked. The woman said they asked her to separate from her date to sit behind Howard. She said she'd be willing to kill her date to sit behind Howard. She said he snuck over and sat next to her later on. Howard said he'd be in the last row if he was brought to a TV show taping.
Robin read some updates about the Secret Service prostitution incident. Robin said that they say that they were partying at a strip club 24 hours before the President was due to get there. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. Howard had to do a live commercial and take another break after that.
After the break Howard came right back and had Robin read some more news. Robin read some poll results about Mitt Romney and how he's getting good approval ratings. Robin had some audio clips to play for some people who are supporting Romney. Howard asked if Robin has decided yet. Robin said she's waiting like Howard is. Howard said he's with her.
Robin read about a woman who once called Mormonism a cult is now supporting Romney. Robin went over some other people who are supporting him too. Howard asked Robin who she would rather sleep with. Romney or Obama. Robin said Obama. Howard asked Romney or JD and Robin picked Romney.
Robin said that Warren Buffet has revealed that he has cancer but they're saying that he should be okay. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about that. Howard said the guy is 81. Robin said Buffet says he feels great and he's fine with the whole thing.
Howard asked Robin if she would be with Clinton or Obama. Robin said she might have to go with Bill. Howard asked Hillary or Michelle. Robin picked Hillary. Howard sounded surprised by that. He said he figured she'd take Michelle.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw that Britney Spears was hired to do X-Factor. Howard said he heard rumors about that. The guy said maybe they're threatened by what Howard will do in the ratings. Howard said they're not up against them. Howard said she will be a crappy judge but he would like to see how she looks from week to week. Howard said kids will love to see her from week to week. Howard said he thinks it's great. Howard said he thinks when America's Got Talent hits the air then he'll elevate the judging to a new level. Robin said she thinks that Christina Aguilera is doing better as a judge and it's been good for her career. Howard said he thinks this will be good for X-Factor. He said Britney is relevant and she has a career.
Robin read a story about President Obama thanking NASCAR and Tony Stewart for giving back to the armed forces. Robin said that Tony Stewart went to the White House and she had some audio of Obama talking about Tony. Obama was saying some stuff that sounded written. Howard wondered if he really knows about that crap. Robin didn't think so. Howard said maybe he wants to appeal to those NASCAR fans.
Howard took a call from a guy who said there's a thing called Time Out New York and Howard is on the list of the top 50 funniest people in New York. Howard asked who is funnier than him. The guy said Howard is number 30 on the list. Howard asked him to name the top 5. The guy said it was Steven Colbert, Woody Allen, Tina Fey, Jon Stewart and Louis CK at number one. Howard said he thinks that he's funnier than a couple of those. He said that Louis is funny though. Howard said he's not saying he's funnier than Louis but he doesn't think Louis lives in New York. The caller said Howard beat out Colin Quinn and Jerry Seinfeld. Howard said he believes he should be in the top 10. He said he's trying to be modest there.
Robin read about Alec Baldwin having aspirations to be in public office. Howard asked what he's smoking. He said he has so much baggage. He said you can't get thrown off an airplane over a Facebook game and then run for office. Robin said he has said he would love to run for office. Howard said he can run but don't expect any votes.
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to lick robin's ass. Howard didn't last long with that.
Robin read about a new light bulb that's coming out and it's supposed to be a very eco-friendly bulb. Howard said it must suck if it's eco-friendly. Howard said he has an eco-toilet and he has to flush 60 times to get a dump out of there. Howard said he must need 2,000 bulbs to light his apartment. Robin said this bulb will cost you $50. She said it must last a long time. Robin said it burns for 25 years. Howard said it does but it must do it poorly. Howard said he doesn't want a bulb that will out live him.
Robin read about a pastor who allegedly assaulted an 11 year old girl. Robin said the girl is now 13 and she had some audio of the girl talking about what went on.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's tired of Benjy's skits. He said it's so boring. He said that it was disgusting to hear that Elisa talking earlier. He said he can't believe Howard let that happen. Howard said she's a gorgeous girl. The caller said he thinks that he's scraping the bottom of the barrel. The guy said ''fuck Benjy!'' before getting off the line.
Robin read about a bill that they're trying to pass in California that would make it a felony for teachers to date their students. Howard said it's crazy they have to make laws like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this Titanic hoopla makes you wonder if people would really sit and play cards while the ship is sinking. Howard said he'd be right off the ship. He said he'd get in before women and children. Howard said they were taping America's Got Talent and they had an elevator that was having problems. Howard said Howie Mandel and Sharon were in there with Howie's mother. Howard said as soon as that door opened he pushed Howie's mother out of the way and got out of the elevator. Howard said it's survival instinct. Robin asked if Howard could really push women and children out of the way. Howard said yes. He said he'd do it no matter what anyone thought. He said he'd never even get on the Titanic. He said he never would have been caught in that situation. Howard said it turns out that he's both a woman and a child. He said he doesn't have any prejudices and thinks that men are just as important as women and children. Howard said he's a judge and he has to be saved. He said here is only one Howard and women and children die every day.
Robin read a story about Jaime Moyer of the Colorado Rockies becoming the oldest player to win a game. Robin had some audio of him talking about the win.
Ralph called in and said that Benjy's girlfriend is hot but he saw Benjy wearing these giant Herman Munster boots to the AGT taping. He said that this girl is really trying to change him. Benjy told them that he's doing this for himself. He said Elisa didn't have anything to do with it.
Howard said that Ralph is sick and he came over to his apartment. He said it's disgusting. Ralph said he's got allergies. Howard said it sounds like he's sick to him.
Robin read a story about this woman who won a million bucks and kept collecting food stamps. Robin said she got into trouble for that. Howard said he hates these people. Robin had some audio of the woman's daughter talking about how they tried calling and they didn't return their calls. Howard said he's not sure how this society is going to function. He said Ass Napkin Ed has booze, TV and more and he doesn't work. Howard said we have so many people in this country that we pay out to and they don't have to work. Howard said they're able bodied.
Howard said Jeff the Drunk lives fine and he doesn't do anything. He had him on the phone. Jeff said he wanted to apologize for being in Howard's line of sight. Jeff also said that he thinks the judge in his court case is upset about him being a judge on America's Got Talent.. Howard said maybe he's right. Howard said Jeff has everything he needs and he doesn't have to work. He said that it's a lifestyle that's unbelievable. Jeff said he doesn't have internet. Howard said that's good. Jeff said he has TV but no cable. He said the TV has the antenna in it. Howard said that's good to hear. Jeff said on Saturday night they have the old Batman episodes and things like that. Howard said he's sitting at home watching TV and it's an amazing country we live in. Jeff said it's awesome. Jeff asked if he can come to a live show for AGT. Howard said he doesn't want to commit to anything right now. Howard told Jeff that he'll think about it.
Robin read a story about some kids who were sickened after drinking from some poisoned water in Afghanistan. Robin said they say they were poisoned just because they wanted to get an education.
Robin read about Vanessa Williams coming forward with some revelations about her youth. Robin had some audio of her talking about being molested and things like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Elisa had a sexy voice. He said he didn't care about the interview too much but he thought she had a sexy voice.
Robin read about Betty White being on Piers Morgan last night and had some audio of her talking to Piers about how old age is in your head. She said she loves doing what she's doing. Betty said it's incredible that she's still getting offers at her age. Robin wrapped up her news after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had to ask Robin a question. He asked when she last got a coffee enema. Robin said she does it on a regular basis so it hasn't been so long. Howard asked if she still does it with friends. Robin said she does not. They ended the show a short time later right around 10:30am.
Jon said the fascinating part was when Lisa G came in. He said that both of them were apologizing but he felt that neither of them meant it. Benjy said he was angry at Lisa a couple of months ago and he felt what he said was justified. Gary said that word is pretty harsh. Benjy said that he basically said ''You're acting like a miserable cunt and I hope you act better soon.'' He said he didn't even mention her name. He said that he was reacting to her and he knew she'd take it that way. He didn't say her name on Twitter though.
Benjy said that came after Lisa was crow barring in insults about his girlfriend during newscasts. Gary said he knows that she was saying she didn't do it more than once but he thinks that she did. Gary said he thinks that they got her to react today but it seems like she's not being totally honest.
Jon asked if Lisa was going to be coming down. Jon Leiberman said Lisa is going to try but she's on deadline for something. Leiberman said that they're still going after Lisa and they're doing a song called ''Haters'' that they'll be recording tomorrow. Benjy said it's a general thing and it's not just about Lisa.
Gary said he was wondering if Lisa G thinks that Elisa just isn't good for Benjy and if she does, why does she care so much? Leiberman said that Lisa is in a state of mourning and she looks at old pictures of Benjy like he's dead to her. Leiberman said that's what she was doing yesterday when she had Teddy come down there.
Leiberman said he will sing some of ''Online Sweetheart'' and Lisa will always ask what's going on with those two.
Jon said he thinks that Elisa has become obsessed with Benjy. He said the last time she was there it was reversed. Benjy said he had a crush on her but she was obsessed with him as a friend. Gary said that many men have had that and Benjy was able to break down that wall. Benjy said he did and he doesn't think he was her type initially. He said it must not matter to women for the most part. He said he thinks she's blinded by love.
Gary said he thought Elisa was good on the show and she was maybe 95 percent honest. Gary said he believed most of what she had to say. Gary said he was curious about their relationship and she was a great guest.
Jon said he he'd like Lisa G to come in there but he guesses she's too busy. Jon asked Benjy if he was okay with Lisa being in there. Benjy said he didn't like the way the whole thing went down.
Gary asked the guys if they think Lisa G wouldn't be bothered by this so much if she had more going on in her life. Leiberman said that this obsession did take over her life for the past several months. He said that she claims she's over it and she will go out to dinner with them. Benjy said Lisa was saying insulting things and she'd say that she was sorry if it hurt his feelings. She wasn't really apologizing. Jason said he agrees with Benjy on that. He said she's basically apologizing for him instead of to him.
Gary asked if Tim Sabean ever did come to him and asked him to take down that Twitter post. Benjy said that never happened. Benjy said he said he was sorry about it and he's not sure why she thinks he didn't. Benjy said he's sorry he did that and he will say it on the air and in person.
Leiberman said that tweet pushed Lisa over the edge and made her feel that he was being hateful toward her.
Tim Sabean came in and said he thinks that they did have a conversation about Lisa. Benjy said he knows that he never did. He said he's 100 percent positive that never happened. Tim said he feels they had some kind of contact on that point. Benjy said he's 100 percent positive they didn't. He said maybe Tim intended to but he never did. Tim said the post did come down afterward. Benjy said he never discussed it with him.
Jason said he agrees that Benjy was mean to her but Lisa said mean stuff about Benjy so why is it wrong for Benjy to come back at her? Tim and Benjy were going back and forth on that and Benjy wouldn't let up. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon said that he won't let the guys gang up on her if she comes in. Jason said that Lisa was the one who inserted herself into this whole thing. She didn't have to comment on it at all.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Elisa's voice is really annoying. Benjy said he loves her voice. Jason said he does too. The caller asked if Benjy and Lisa have had anything else going on outside of work. Benjy said that he never had anything going on with her. He said he never asked her out but Shuli said that he did. Tim jokingly said that he remembers Benjy begging her to go out.
Gary said that he sees they have a couple of callers who think that Lisa is condescending to Benjy. Jason said that's what it seems like to him. Benjy said she's acting angry about it and that's what he doesn't like. Jon said he thinks that Lisa loved Benjy and what he would do on the air and maybe she could related to him. Shuli said he thinks it was the press conference stuff and she saw him in a different light. Gary asked if that made her like him. Shuli said that this is about their friendship and that's what Lisa is upset about. He said it seems like she has feelings for Benjy.
Jon and the guys were saying that Benjy got Elisa because of what he was doing at those press conferences. Benjy said she was already falling for him and that was just a catalyst.
Leiberman said Lisa misses the relationship that she had with Benjy and this is an odd sort of thing because she thinks he should be doing more for the show. Leiberman said that she thinks that he should be putting more effort into the show instead of the relationship.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she agrees with Jason about how Lisa shouldn't be involved and she's too judgmental. She said she does agree that this woman is making Benjy look like a clown though. Benjy said he likes getting into stuff like that. Gary said Benjy did show up in full African garb and that was long before Elisa.
Jon said Benjy looked like a jealous boyfriend today. He said the way he reacted when Howard asked her to take her top off made him look like he was jealous. Leiberman said that they have tape of her saying she would do it and Benjy said she may regret it and that changed her mind. Gary said that's Benjy basically telling her not to do it. Benjy didn't see it that way.
Leiberman said if Benjy wasn't in the room he's sure that she would have taken her top off. Benjy said she was looking at him for a suggestion and that's what he told her. Gary said Benjy said some things that made it appear they really are in love. He said some of the thins that Benjy was saying made it seem that way.
Elisa came in so Jon asked her if the press conference thing is what pushed her over the edge for her. Elisa said no one ever did anything like that for her in her life so those things did help push it over the edge. She said she felt it was a romantic thing for her. Benjy said he thinks she was falling for him before then. Elisa said she was. She said that just sped it up a little bit. She said he's a wonderful guy.
Jon asked Elisa about the top off part and if she made that decision on her own. Elisa said she did it but she doesn't think Benjy would be so happy with her if she had done it. Elisa said she's not sure what his family would think. Gary said that Benjy has said a lot of crazy stuff on the air. He would claim that it was someone else in his family that was doing stuff instead of him.
Jon said it sounds like this dinner with Lisa G may not happen. Leiberman said that this is a peace but a fragile peace. He said that Lisa is saying that the dinner invite was half for publicity and half for friendship. Elisa said that is just so not true. Benjy said he would like to take her to a real dinner and it wasn't fake at all.
Leiberman said that Lisa wasn't happy that they were saying that they think Lisa is an unhappy person and that's why she's upset about this whole thing. Shuli said that she likes that simple life she has. Elisa said they were talking about how sad she was at the Christmas party. Elisa said they want to be friends with her and help her.
Jon said that Elisa heard Lisa saying some things about her and she didn't get angry. Elisa said she likes Lisa and she's not even sure why. She said that she thinks Lisa wants to be Benjy's girlfriend and that's why she's so upset about this.
Jon asked what she would suggest for Lisa to get over this. Elisa said she'd suggest J-Date. She said that would help her if she could find a man.
Gary asked Elisa if she can see why Lisa G would be upset with her for saying she needs to find someone. Elisa said that she would like to be friends with her and help her. She said she just wants to be friends. Gary said that he thinks by Christmas they'll be hosting Lisa's cookie party. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jason said he wasn't looking forward to the interview today and he felt that he wasn't going to give up much. He said he turned out not to be adversarial like he thought he'd be. He said it turned out to be great. Gary said John didn't get flustered at all and that's the way to handle an interview there. He said you just answer what you want to answer.
Jon said that John was talking about how he got into school after doing that movie. Gary said he knows that Howard hasn't seen ''Better Off Dead.'' Gary said Richard was the perfect guy to send in about the ''I want my 2 dollars'' thing. He said he got applause when he came out. Shuli said that Richard was talking about that and about hanging out with Booger. The guys talked about some of the other people in ''Better Off Dead'' and wondered what they're all up to.
Jon said he wanted John to be good and he did hit it off with Howard. Gary said he's not aware of anywhere else that you can hear an hour and a half interview with John Cusack. That's the great thing about being on satellite. They had to end the show a short time later.
In the clip Howard started the show and then said he had a guy on the phone who called in yesterday but they weren't able to get to his story. Howard said this guy and a bunch of buddies were in a car together. Jay, Jay, is 18 years old. Howard said they're in a car and they decided to masturbate in the car. Howard asked how old he was then. Jay said that was last year. His friend was 19. Howard asked if they were out drinking. Jay said they were out drinking at a race track. He said one of his friends brought it up and he wouldn't do it normally. Howard said that's kind of strange.
Howard asked where they went, into the ash tray? Jay said no. Jay said he wasn't looking at anyone else. Howard said he hopes it was a convertible. Howard asked about where they were parked. The guy said they were on a side street in Bayonne, New Jersey. Howard said he hopes the driver wasn't loaded and driving. Jay just said ''Well...''
Howard asked if they were wearing little shorts in the summertime. Jay said he has a girlfriend now so this isn't gay. Howard asked if they just pull their pants down and start doing it. Jay said they did and they weren't moaning or anything. They were racing to see who finished first.
Howard said he's heard that in Bayonne most cars are filled with guys doing this. Howard asked Jay if they had handkerchiefs with them. Jay said they didn't have anything. Howard asked if it's hard to do that while all of the other guys are around. Jay said he wasn't thinking about the other guys.
Jay said they were doing this and then a car pulls up behind them and they tell them to put their hands up. It turns out to be a female cop and a male cop. Howard asked if they saw what was going on. The guy said they saw that they didn't have their stuff together. Howard said they had to put their hands up so they weren't able to pull their pants up. Howard asked if the cops thought they were gay. Jay didn't think so. Howard said they had to have. He said it's four guys half naked together in the car.
Howard asked if they pulled them out of the car. Jay said they did that and they were able to pull up their pants. They didn't get arrested though. They were told they didn't think they were causing any harm. Jay said they were embarrassed about the whole thing.
Howard said he's surprised they didn't arrest them. Robin said they weren't exposing themselves to anyone. They were in a car. Howard said that has to be illegal. Howard said they should call the police and ask if they have a law against that.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who has another story. The caller said he went out shopping with his mom and stayed in the car while she was shopping. He said he was about 17 at the time. He said he got in the back of the car after seeing some cute girls walking by. He said he was in the back doing it and he was about to finish but then his mom came to the car and was banging on the window. He said she could see exactly what he was doing. He said he had a coat over it but she got in the car and yelled at him.
Howard wondered what's worse, getting caught by your mom or by the cops. The caller said he thinks he'd rather get caught by the cops. He said his mom was looking at him and around the car like she didn't know what was going on. Howard asked if his mom is there with him now. The guy said she was but he's not going to get her. Howard said that would be the best bit of all time. The caller didn't want to get her. He said all she said was ''What were you doing?'' over and over again.
Howard said his mother caught him smoking once and she didn't know what was going on. Howard said she claimed to see smoke in his room but he just denied it. The caller said his mother is the same way. Howard did an impression of his mother yelling at him about masturbating.
Howard told the guy to get his mom. The caller said she really isn't there. Howard said no one is at work at this time of morning. He told him to get her. The guy refused.
Howard asked the first caller, Jay, if the cops let him go. Jay said they did. Howard spent a minute talking to him again and then let both of the callers go. Howard told the second caller to give them a call back if his mom will talk to them.
Howard said he can't imagine what his mother would do if she caught him masturbating in the car. Howard did an impression of what she might say. He had her asking him what's wrong with him and things like that. Robin was doing her impression of her too. Howard said they had to take a break after that.
In the clip Howard had this guy Victor come in. Howard asked if he has ever been in trouble with the law. Victor said he hadn't. Howard asked if he lives on the street or something. Victor said he doesn't but he does get signals from Howard at work over the radio. Victor said he's from Pico Rivera, California and he heard Howard call him ''dude'' and invite him down to the show.
Gary told Howard that he was saying there's a separate band on the radio that he hears Howard talking on. Victor said that Gary and Howard have both called him ''dude'' on the radio. Howard asked if he hears a lot of voices. Victor said he only hears it on this show on the radio. He said Howard told him that if he doesn't come to the show then he won't be able to make his movie.
Howard asked why he thinks that he calls him dude. The caller said he's been talking to him since 1976 and he's always called him dude. Howard said he was in college in 1976. Victor said he was still talking to him back then. He said he would call him dude in person back then though.
Howard asked Victor what he does for a living. Victor said he works with electronic equipment. Howard said he might be getting screwed up from that stuff.
Howard asked Victor about how they met in 1976. Victor said they were at a club called The Cabaret. Howard said this guy isn't nuts. Howard said the club is in California. Victor said they were standing in line. Howard asked what he said to him the first time they met. Robin said it was ''Hey dude.'' Victor said it was something like that.
Howard said Victor must have some money because he was able to fly in. Victor said he has some. Howard asked when they met after that initial meeting. Victor said they met in 1983 in a supermarket. He said someone got him to go and pick up a Good Housekeeping magazine. He said the manager bowed to him and he thought that was kind of strange. Howard asked if he sees him as a religious figure or something. Victor said he doesn't.
Howard asked if his tells his mother any of this. Victor said he did and she doesn't believe it. Robin asked if his mother tells him to get help. Victor said she doesn't.
Howard asked what he told him to come to New York for. Victor said he just told him to come and he came. Howard asked why he never came before. Victor didn't have an answer for that.
Howard asked Victor if he's had any other celebrities contact him. Victor said he has but they don't want him to say who they are. Howard asked him to name just two. Victor wasn't saying. Howard asked if it was Jackie and Billy. Victor said they come to his house while he's washing his car. He won't say who they are.
Howard said this guy has a pretty special life. Howard said he's the chosen one. Victor asked why he chose him. Howard said he wants to figure out their history first. Howard asked when he first started contacting him on the radio. Victor said it was in 1991 or so. Robin asked if he knew who he was from those first couple of meetings. He said he figured it out.
Howard said Victor is actually there to play Jackie in his movie. He said he thinks he's captured him already and he's acting like Jackie does during contract negotiations. They got a laugh out of that so Robin told Victor that they're not laughing at him.
Howard said he swears to this guy that he's never met him before. He said he didn't contact him in 1976 or 1983. Victor said he's going home then. He said he's going to break his radio and forget about all of this. Robin said if he breaks it and it still talks to him then he'll know that something is wrong.
Howard found out that Victor is a virgin. Howard said he might be able to get him laid. He said he's not a bad looking guy. Howard said he should go to a shrink or something. Howard said he might want to try that and see what happens. He said it could be schizophrenia.
Robin asked how old Victor is. He said he's 36. Robin asked how often he washes his car. He said he doesn't wash it that much. Howard said he would because all of these celebrities show up. Billy West started talking to him as the car and told him to wash him.
Howard said he swears he never called and he isn't making this up. He said if he had done this he would tell him. Robin asked if he had any idea how this was going to turn out. Victor said he really didn't.
Howard said someone is there to talk to him. It was OJ Simpson. Billy did his impression of OJ and Fred played some audio clips. Then Howard had Billy do his Larry Fine and Suzanne Pleshette impressions as if they were talking to Victor.
Howard told Victor that he really should get some help. He asked if he had fun in there and what he's going to do. Victor said he's going to go home now. Howard said he hopes he can get a girl. He said that might help straighten him out. He said he's weirder than Ratso. Howard wrapped up and let him go as Fred was playing the Twilight Zone music.
Howard said Victor wouldn't look at him at all. Gary came in and said he was upset about the microphone problem they had. Howard said that's okay, they're out of there in 7 months. Howard said he can leave in October anyway. He said it will be shorter than that. Howard said he had to take a break after that. He said he's not going to say ''dude'' anymore. He said he's just going to say ''man'' from now on.
''How To Please A Woman In And Out Of Bed''. 4/19/00. 7:00am
Howard had this woman Daylle Deanna Schwartz on the phone to talk about some of the ways you can please a woman.. which she has put in her book ''How To Please A Woman In & Out Of Bed''. Howard spoke to her for a couple of minutes and learned that she is a divorced woman with a BA in psychology. She said she was used as a doormat for years until she decided to change her ways. She interviewed a lot of people and put what she learned into her book. Some of the stuff they were talking about was cut out by the delay button. Every time Howard brought up Daylle's thoughts on the clitoris and how guys should get to know more about it, the delay was hit. Daylle also talks about how some women don't enjoy receiving oral sex because they might stink. Howard backed this up and said that women should bathe very often. If they do then guys will be more than happy to give them oral. Daylle suggested that guys could help bathe the women also.
Daylle told Howard that some women are afraid to orgasm because they're afraid that they might release a fart or something. She suggests that women just forget about that and let it go. Guys should just try not to laugh and move on. Daylle also has advice on kissing a woman. She suggests that guys take it slow and be gentle. That goes for touching a woman also. She told Howard that guys shouldn't ram their tongue's down a woman's throat.
Daylle also told Howard how to please a woman out of bed. She suggests that guys can call their woman at work and tell them what they're going to do to them after work. She also said that they can have their woman do sexy things at work. Gary came in and said that he used to date a girl and he'd have her photocopy her breasts at work and bring the copies home with her. He thought that was pretty sexy. Daylle also said that couples should come up with signals to let each other know when they'd like to have sex. Something like a certain touch or something like that. Howard said his signal is just to pull out his penis.
Before the interview Howard said he was ready to yell at this woman because he didn't think she'd have good ideas in the book but after talking to her he said the book makes a lot of sense. You can find out more about Daylle at OuterSound.com/Revenge
High Pitch Eric's Ball Sack Limbo. 04/19/05. 7:55am
Howard came back from break and said that High Pitch Eric was naked in the studio. They were trying to get him to rubber band some playing cards to his balls but they had a hard time getting it done. Gary said that Eric's gums and teeth have stuff all over them and it's obvious that he doesn't do anything to care for them. Eric said that he did use some Listerine this morning though. Gary said that Eric's gums were bleeding once again.
Howard brought in Eddie, Tom and Rich who were going to play for $1000 each. Howard changed his glasses but Eric told him not to put them on because he looks good in regular glasses. Howard said that's just another reason to put the sunglasses on. Howard asked Eddie if he was really willing to pull a card off of Eric's balls while doing a limbo under Eric. He had Eric show the guys where the card was and then let the guys think about it for a minute. Tom said that he's out of work so he'll do what he has to do to make some money. Rich said that this was worse than being in a Bally's men's room where he's apparently seen some gay guys hanging out. Rich said he'd rather take the card off of Howard's balls but that's not going to happen. All three of them seemed to be up for the challenge so Howard had Eric remove his shirt so the guys could get the full effect. He also had him turn around and show his big, fat ass.
Eddie was up first. He had to try and limbo under Eric's balls and take the card off his balls with his teeth. Everyone sounded pretty disgusted by it. Gary said that Eddie's lips touched Eric down there when he grabbed the card. Howard said he didn't want to talk about that. Eric said that it hurt when he pulled the hair down there. Tom was up next but he was having second thoughts about it. He kept asking them if they were serious about it. Of course they were. Tom didn't think he'd be able to do it with this teeth but he was down below just hesitating. He touched the card with his hand at one point but that almost got him disqualified. He did get it done after a couple of minutes though. Next up was Rich who was also having second thoughts. Howard told him he could back out if he wanted to. Rich said he's broke but this is an ugly scene. He said he needed the money but he wasn't sure if he could do it. He stalled for a minute and he was being really obnoxious. Howard gave him until the count of 3 to do it or not and he almost blew it. Rich kept stalling so Howard told him that his time was up. Rich took his time getting it done but he did eventually get the card off of Eric's nut sack. Rich pretended to pass out and then complained about his back hurting. He was also complaining about his knees hurting but no one was believing his act. Howard gave all three of the guys $1000 and went to break after that. The prize money was courtesy of the movie ''Kung Fu Hustle.''
Creepy Rich Refuses To Leave The Studio. 04/19/05. 8:25am
Howard came back from break and said that they're in a weird situation right now because they have this guy, Rich, who won't leave. They had to take a long break because of that. Howard said it was unbelievable. Tom said that it was the most unbelievable situation they've ever had. The guy claims that he hurt himself when he did his prat fall. The guy is apparently a stand up comedian. The guy has been joking around with them the whole time he's been laying on the floor. The guy said that he's just been talking senselessly while he's been laying there. Howard told him to stay right there because they had help on the way. The guy kept moving around but the guys were trying to hold him in one place. Howard said the guy is really annoying and it was pissing him off. Howard had more stuff to get to but this guy wouldn't leave and he didn't want his girlfriend to be near the guy. He was going to have Beth and his dog Bianca come in but it wasn't going to happen. Howard told the guy that he was creepy. Rich was starting to ramble a bit so Howard cut him off and wouldn't let him continue. The guy brought up the Oklahoma Bombing since it happened 10 years ago. The guy was really boring and annoying. Howard asked Tom if they could do the show from another studio and just leave this guy in there while they did it. Howard said that the guy really pissed him off and he lost it during the break yelling at the guy to just leave. Gary came in and told Howard that the cops were there so Howard told him to bring them in. Howard told Rich that he was being really dumb and now he's gotten the cops involved. Rich asked Howard if he thinks he's doing this on purpose or if he thinks he's on drugs or something. Rich claims that he tripped and fell on something in the studio but Howard said he did that on nothing. The cops helped him get up and asked Rich if he wanted an ambulance.
Howard told Rich that if he ended it now, they could let the cops go and they wouldn't press charges. Rich said that he wasn't doing this on purpose. They had an ambulance on the way so Howard suggested that the cops not help pick him up. Howard figured it was best to wait for the ambulance to show up and let them carry him out of there. Howard was ready to move to the other studio to get away from this creepy douche. He wanted to take a quick break and move over there but Rich was still mumbling and cracking stupid jokes. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back a few minutes later and said that Rich got up and left once they left the studio. Howard thinks that it was just a bit but it was also the weirdest thing he's ever been a part of. He just wanted to move on and get to the other stuff he wanted to do. Artie said that he's just glad the guy is okay. He said it was tough to get down his Pop-Tart while he was worrying about Rich laying on the floor.
In the clip Howard came back from break to a clip of his father talking to him as a kid. Howard said they've had a busy morning. Howard said Joe Frazier is there and they have to get to him. Howard said he has a new book out.
Howard had Joe come in and said he's still big and strong. Howard said that girl who was just in, Carmen Electra, only dates black guys. Joe said he saw her. Howard said she wouldn't have dated Muhammad Ali. He said he's part white.
Howard asked Joe about Muhammad Ali and if he saw him on 60 Minutes. Joe said he did. Howard said Ali can barely talk and that's thanks to what Joe did to him. Howard said Joe is so powerful that he broke 20 typewriters pounding on those keys.
Howard asked Joe about fighting Ali and how Ali used to call him names. Joe said he used to call him a gorilla. Howard told Joe that Robin is in love with Ali. Joe said he saw him the other day and he told him. He did an impression of Ali talking to him and made fun of his Parkinson's. He had Howard laughing with that impression.
Howard and Joe spent a little time talking about why Ali ended up the way he did. Howard said that Allah obviously isn't god or he wouldn't have ended up that way. He said that Ali needed Jesus Christ instead. Joe was also talking about how white Ali is.
Howard said Joe has his new book out and he talks about Ali in the book. Howard said he has to take a break but they'll come back and talk to Joe some more. they spent a couple more minutes making fun of Ali and his real name Cassius Clay. Howard wondered what kind of name that is.
Howard talked to Joe's son Marvis who came in with Joe. Howard told him he had to take a break and he'll get into his preaching.
After the edited out break Howard came back and talked to Joe more about Ali and said he thought Ali was white compared to Joe. Robin said he's really obsessed with their color.
Howard said Joe beat Ali the first time he fought him. Joe said he beat him all three times. Robin said officially he beat him that first time. Howard said Joe and Robin were going at it during the break a little bit. Howard said that God took Joe's fist and punished Ali.
Howard said he wanted to hear Joe's son do some preaching. Fred played some church music and Howard did some preaching of his own first. Howard and Marvis went back and forth with that for a couple of minutes.
Howard did more of his own preaching and told people to buy Joe's book. Howard said Joe is the brother who made Ali mumble. Howard said Joe must love when he sees him mumbling.
Howard asked Joe if he has a girlfriend these days. Joe said he has someone around. Howard asked how many wives Ali had. Joe said he had 4 or 5. Howard asked what that means. Joe said it means he's not getting the job done. Joe said he didn't have multiple wives himself. Howard said Joe has a lot of women but he keeps them all on a string.
Joe told Howard he's thinking about going a few rounds with Mike Tyson. Robin got a laugh out of that. Howard said he thinks that Joe would end up punching the ref. Howard said that Joe thinks that there are a bunch of chumps fighting Mike and that's why he wants to take him on. Joe said he would also like to mention that George Foreman is out there every day and they took two titles away from him.
Howard said Joe really thinks he could take Tyson. Joe said he thinks George could do it. Howard asked about some of the other fighters out there now.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that no one is going to buy Joe's book. He said Joe wasn't as great as they say he was. Howard said he thinks this is George Foreman on the phone. The caller was saying that Joe didn't do that to Ali. He said the Parkinson's is from D-Con.
Howard told Joe it's always great to see him. He said he has to give his son some preaching lessons though. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
In the clip Robin read the news about Joey Ramone's death and played some of The Ramones music. They talked about how Joey died while they were playing a U2 song. Howard said they say that Bono said that he was inspired by The Ramones so that's why they played the song for him. Howard said they say Bono called Joey last week before he died. Howard said he was very upset by this whole thing too.
Howard played some of The Ramones music and also some parodies that were done to the tune of their songs. Howard and Robin talked about the other Ramones and who is left. Howard said he knew the band and he was into it.
Howard said he read that Joey was battling cancer for 8 years, not just a couple of months. Robin said he would deny that he was fighting cancer when he was asked about it. Howard said they say that Joey would spend his days watching CNBC and managing his stock portfolio.
Howard played audio clips of Billy Joe from Green Day, Dee Dee Ramone and Rob Halford saying nice things about Joey. Howard said that Meg Griffin released a statement too.
Howard also played the tape of Joey and Markee arguing on the air back in 1999. Howard said he likes The Ramones' music but he enjoys their arguments even more.
In the clip Howard and Robin were talking about the guests they had coming in. They had the cast of the play ''Hair' coming in to get naked. Howard said he was hoping it was just women but it turns out one of the dudes was coming in too. Howard and Billy West ended up singing some of the songs from the play for a few minutes before the cast came in. Billy had Howard and Robin cracking up at his impression of some of the songs.
Howard started singing one of the songs about drugs and Fred threw in some Jackie ''Yeah!'' clips. They were also playing the song along with Howard's singing.
Gary said they asked them to keep the circus atmosphere to a minimum today. Howard said it's ''Hair'' so why would they need to do that?
Howard asked Gary if the girl is good looking. Gary said she is. Howard played more of the songs from the play and had one where they used the S-word. Howard said he didn't know that was in there. Howard said he's not sure why they can't let that word on the air.
Howard told Gary to let the guy come in but not let him get naked. The cast came in and Howard talked to the woman a little bit. Howard said it's a little chilly in there so he told Gary to warm it up for her a little bit.
Howard said the dude doesn't have to get naked. Howard said he really doesn't want to see him. Howard said they can't sing the Sodomy song either. He said the FCC won't allow that.
Howard got back to the woman and asked her a bunch of questions and basically ignored the dude. Howard said he's into chicks so that's the only reason he's ignoring the guy. Howard said maybe he'll try spanking the guy. He said maybe he'd change his stance on that if he tried that.
Howard asked the woman if she would take her top or skirt off first. She said she'd do whatever Howard wanted. Howard said he likes that she dresses like a slut. He said she knows what she's doing. Howard said she makes him horny. Howard asked how old she is. She said she's 23. Howard told her to stay that age. He said it's perfect.
Howard said this dude insists on getting naked and the girl was saying he had to do it first. Howard said he has to let him do it then. The dude took his shirt off and Howard said he has a decent chest. Howard said he's not even that big down there. Howard said he was messing around with himself too. Robin didn't want to see it. Howard said the guy, Sean, is messing around with himself. Robin said he does have a cute butt. Robin said he's not all that big down there. Howard said that guy still puts him to shame. Howard said Jackie is laughing but he's no bigger than this guy.
Howard told the girl, Kathy, it was her turn. Howard said she really has a cute body. Howard noticed she had a lot of bruises on her. She said that's from the show. Howard saw her naked and said he can tell she doesn't have any kids. Howard said she obviously shaves too. Howard said Sean is getting aroused too. Howard said he has to calm down over there. Howard said maybe he's excited over Fred. Sean said he's not sure what's doing it. Howard said they both have guts. Howard said he admires their freedom.
Howard had Kathy sing something. She did a little bit of one of their songs. She said Sean has to sing Sodomy now. Howard said they cant do that.
Howard asked to see Kathy's shoes. She showed them and Howard said she's really black and blue. Howard said she's very feminine. Howard said she is full and feminine. Howard said he can tell she's horny and needs a lot of sex. Howard said he can just look and tell. She asked what tells him that. Howard said it's the body type. Howard said she isn't fat but she has hips and full breasts and she is just full of sex. Howard said some need sex more than others. Howard said she must be a nympho. Howard told her to admit it. Kathy wasn't admitting it. Howard said she doesn't have to because he can just tell.
Howard said he has to get rid of these two. He said he gave them enough plugs. Howard gave them some plugs for the play and went to break.
Hank The Dwarf, Crackhead Bob And Nicole Moore The Nude Painter. 4/19/01. 8:25am
Hank the Dwarf and Crackhead Bob came in this morning to hang out for a while. Howard said Hank was drinking orange juice and vodka this morning. Hank says he's been drinking since 4am. Howard was wondering when the episode of ''Son of the Beach'' featuring Hank will be on. Hank said he heard it'll be in June. Howard wasn't sure. Howard said he heard that Hank was very hard to work with. They'd ask Hank to take four steps and say his lines. He'd take two instead. Hank said it was the director that was hard to work with though. In the episode Hank is trying out to be the new lifeguard.
Crackhead Bob just showed up this morning without notice. He was upset because he's tried calling in lately and he gets hung up on. Howard said it's because he's so hard to understand. He calls in on a speaker phone and it's very hard to hear. Bob said that he's actually calling from his bathroom. He said he has to sit on the bowl for an hour and a half to take a dump because of his stroke.
This woman Nicole Moore paints houses nude. She came in this morning to plug her web sites NicoleMoore.net and IntimateDetails.com. Howard spent a few minutes watching tape of her actually painting someone's home while she's naked. He wondered if she has sex with the customers. She says she doesn't because she's trying to take her job seriously. She said she charges $15 a square foot and guys can only watch her, they can't touch. She has a bodyguard along with her to make sure no one touches. She said that guys can whack off while they watch her though. She doesn't mind that.
Nicole stripped down for Howard. He and AJ were both impressed with her body. She eventually told Howard that she's actually a porn actress and she's trying to get out of that business. That's why she's doing the painting. She also told him that she's married. Her husband directs some of her porn movies.
Howard took a break and when he came back Crackhead Bob did some singing for us. He had Howard play a John Mellencamp song and he sang along with it. He sang the whole damn song... but you couldn't understand more than 4 or 5 words though. Bob tried to explain that he was singing the song because it's kind of what his life is like. The song, which we couldn't hear because Bob's ''dinging'' was drowning it out, must mention losing his kids and wife or something. Bob said his kids don't like him right now because they're teenagers. He thinks they may come around at some point but Howard's not so sure about that.
Various Stuff. 4/19/01. 6:05am
Howard said he was talking to Booker, one of the DJs at the station, about how they don't have a water fountain to use. Another DJ, Woody, said that he'd pay for a water delivery service to bring in water for everyone. Woody was told there's no money in the budget for water. Woody pointed out that it's the second highest billing radio station in the country and they don't have any money for water. Howard offered to help yesterday and it worked. This guy from Poland Spring heard about the situation and brought in a free water jug for them. They'll have to pay for the next ones and Woody thinks that they'll just refill it with water from the tap which no one wants to drink. Howard said Tom Chiusano was taking credit for getting the water there also.
KC came in and said that Tom yelled at him the other day when he was in the bathroom. KC washed his hands and left the water running while he got a towel. KC said that Tom told him to turn off the water before getting a towel. Someone said they have timers on the lights in the bathroom also. Howard says that Tom is under a lot of pressure to save money but he doesn't have any fun with the job like other General Managers do. Howard said part of the problem is this guy Fahrid who's Tom's boss now. Fahrid has never worked at a radio station according to Howard and he doesn't know what it's like. Howard called the guy a ''pencil pusher'' and all he cares about is the bottom line. Howard actually told Tom that he doesn't know how he deals with the pressure he's under.
Howard and AJ had an argument about whether or not ''The Sopranos'' is any good this season. Howard says it is and AJ says it isn't up to its usual standards. Robin agrees with AJ and she says nothing has happened on the show for the past couple of weeks.
In the clip Howard took a call from a guy who was hitting on Robin. Howard said Robin has Penn of Penn and Teller. Howard said he and Jackie were talking about Robin yesterday after the show. Howard said it's always bad to leave the car with two people sitting there.
Jackie tried to say something but his voice was shot. Howard said Jackie doesn't know how to use a microphone. He said he yells into the microphone and doesn't try to save his voice. Jackie said he hasn't lost it in like 5 years. Howard said he doesn't have a voice to lose.
Jackie said Robin's butt looked great yesterday. Howard said he can't take talking to him. Howard said he was wondering what Robin would look like naked with Penn and Jackie said the most frightening thing would be Penn naked. Howard said Jackie said he pictured him having Gary's body but larger. Robin laughed.
Gary asked Jackie if he owns a mirror. He said his body isn't so great. Howard said Jackie's voice is really bad. Jackie said they were on a roll yesterday until they got rear ended by the bus driver. Robin said she was still in the car for that.
Howard said Ronnie gets into fights all the time. He said he'll start yelling if someone taps him or does anything to upset him. Howard said he's not sure if Ronnie can fight or what. He said he will yell at anyone. He said he'll yell at black guys and Ronnie says that most of them can't fight but they think they've got you scared because they're black. Howard said he doesn't want to find out. Howard said Ronnie says he will stand up to these people.
Howard said Ronnie started yelling at the bus driver and then Ronnie cut off the bus driver. He cut off a van guy instead. Howard said Ronnie started yelling at that guy and then the bus came over and he started yelling at Ronnie. Howard said the two of them were yelling at each other even though the bus driver was at fault. Howard said the guy rammed into them but he started a war with Ronnie. Howard said Ronnie would slam the Limo into the bus if he wanted to. Howard said the bus driver was yelling over the PA system and Ronnie was yelling that he has witnesses that would say he's a lunatic. Howard said Ronnie started telling the driver that his face looks worse than his mother ass. Howard said he and Jackie looked at each other like it was an argument between two retards. The bus could have just driven over them. Howard told Jackie to slip Ronnie a better joke.
Howard said Ronnie is driving him and that's the best he can come up with. Jackie said Ronnie told the bus driver to ''take that'' like it was some big insult.
Howard and Robin talked about the George Foreman fight and who they thought was going to win. Robin figured it was going to go 8 rounds. Howard said Holyfield should retire if it does.
Howard said he has to find a place to watch the fight. Robin was going to see it live. Howard said he had an invitation to go with Dominic Barbara. Howard said he didn't want to go with him because he told him he'd have bodyguards there for him. Howard said he told Dominic he didn't want to go.
Howard told Robin about going to a party at this guy's house and he had this huge screen for watching TV. Howard said the guy told him he doesn't watch that much TV in there but they will be watching the fight in there. Howard said it sounds like he might be able to go but he wasn't quite invited. Howard said he really should go somewhere and watch the movie. Howard said he doesn't get Pay-Per-View in his house. Robin said she has it. Howard asked if he could use her apartment to watch the fight. Robin said he can do that.
Howard said he heard that Robin's cats were urinating all over the floors while she was away. Robin said they must have done that when they saw Stuttering John taking care of them. Howard said John went over and found vomit all over the house. Howard said he and Neil were going to call John during the week and tell him that they had to break down the door in her apartment and tell him that the cats were dead. Howard said he wanted to do it but he was in the middle of a lot of stuff. Howard said he was afraid that John would kill himself. Howard asked Robin if she gave John some bucks to take care of the cats. Robin said she's buying him a gift.
John came in and Howard said he hasn't been interviewing anyone lately so that's why he hasn't had him in there lately. John said they have a lot of things coming up. Howard told him to get to work.
Howard asked John about the vomit all over the place. John said that all of the drawers were open and the cats do that themselves. John said Robin didn't tell him they do that. Robin said the cats are very intelligent. She said she has one cat that likes doing that. John said all of the drawers were open, there was puke and diarrhea all over the bathroom floor and the leather couch was full of claw marks. John said the place was a mess.
Robin said she shouldn't have gotten a leather couch. Howard said she could get their claws clipped. Robin said she knows Howard didn't take his cat home after it was declawed. Howard said her couch is now worthless. John said it was a traumatic experience for him. He said she has this fat cat that walks like a fat person. He said he wasn't able to get the cat from under the bed. John said he had to make sure they ate the wet food while he waited so he sat there going nuts trying to get the fat one out.
Howard said he would have taken the dish and thrown it out the window. John said he gave them Evian water because he was afraid to give them tap water. John said he became Obsessive Compulsive because of all of this.
Howard said they were going to trick John into thinking the cats were dead. John said he would have had a heart attack. Howard cut him off and told him to get out of there. He said something that he had to hit the button on.
John told Howard that there was a box in the apartment and he was freaking out thinking it would get decapitated if it jumped on it. Howard said he gets it. He said he has to take a break now anyway. He thanked John for dropping by. Robin said she has to think twice about doing this ever again. Howard said it was nice of him to do it. Robin said it was nice but John is just too much of a spaz.
In the clip Gilbert Gottfried showed up to hang out during the news. Howard and Gilbert talked about Abbie Hoffman dying. They spent a little time trying to figure out what happened there. Howard asked if he thinks Lucy Ball has a chance of making it to the weekend. Gilbert said she looks so healthy he can't imagine why not.
Howard asked if he has to take another break. Fred said he does. Howard said he really screwed up today. He said they don't even run that many commercials compared to the other stations. Howard said he kept ignoring the sign that Fred held up earlier.
Howard said he wishes Arthur Godfrey was there to tell him what to do. Gilbert went into his impression of Godfrey and did that for a minute. They went to break a short time later.
After the edited out break Robin got back to her news and read about Lucille Ball having a heart attack. Howard and Gilbert did their impressions of Lucy for a short time. Robin would read some details while Howard and Gilbert did their Lucy and Desi Arnez impressions. Fred also played a heart monitor sound effect while Howard played Lucy on her death bed.
Howard tried calling over to Cedar Sinai to get some more details about Lucy. Howard made the call and got a recording. Howard eventually got a live operator. He told the woman they were trying to get an update on Lucy's condition. The woman said that she's listed as guarded and stable. She said they'll have another update at 8 o'clock.
Howard had Gilbert playing a doctor on the line with the woman so he asked him some questions about the heart attack and what kind of problems they'll have. Gilbert said she will still try to be funny even in the condition she's in. Howard asked the nurse if that's true that she's tried to be humorous. The operator said she's just an operator and she doesn't know how to answer that question. She said she didn't see any of that. Howard asked if she was wearing big glasses with a fake nose when she saw her. The operator hung up. Everyone cracked up when they heard the hang up.
Gilbert told Howard to call back and tell her they were disconnected. Howard said Gilbert's answer was actually good for that question. Howard said he was just joking around. They spent a minute coming up with more ideas for the call and then went to break.
After the edited out break Howard said Gilbert was a good expert. He said he didn't expect that from him. Howard and Gilbert had some more fun talking about Lucy and doing their impressions of her and some other people. Gilbert had Howard cracking up.
Gary told Howard the hate calls are coming in. He said this first one made its way to their General Manager first. Gary said this is a woman who is near tears. Howard picked up on the woman who said that she is a big fan of Howard's usually. She said she doesn't like it when he's down on women though. Howard tried to keep the Dr. Gottfried thing going but the caller wasn't falling for it. She was yelling at Gilbert about not being funny. She said she wanted to talk to Howard, not to him.
Howard asked the caller what her problem is. She said that he doesn't have to make fun of Lucille Ball. Howard said he didn't do that. He said they've been making fun of Abbie Hoffman. The woman said she heard them doing it. She said Howard has class and he doesn't have to do this to get a laugh. She said Gilbert does but not Howard.
Howard asked if she would rather have him not call and then find out she's dead tomorrow. She said that's not right to say. She was still going off on Gilbert who was laughing his ass off at everything she was saying about him.
The caller said that Robin has been very good during this whole thing. Howard said Robin is the one who gave him the number to the hospital. The caller said her husband is listening to this while she's on the phone. Howard asked her to put him on the line. The caller got her husband and Howard asked how he can be married to her. The guy said he smacks her around a lot. Howard said he can't believe her. The guy said she loves Lucy. Howard said she must have been brain washed by the constant ''I Love Lucy'' thing on TV.
The woman got back on the line but Howard told her that she's a big, fat slob and he wanted to talk to her husband. The woman kept going off on Gilbert. Howard said she should be stirring the spaghetti sauce so it's ready for her husband later. They went back and forth for a minute until Howard eventually hung up on her.
Howard and Gilbert got back to goofing on Lucy. They were doing impressions of her. Howard said he had to take another break.
After the edited out break Howard came back and said he had Lucy on the phone. Billy West was playing the part of Lucy and asking why they keep calling her. He was coughing and doing a very deep woman's voice. Howard and the guys asked her some questions and Billy had the guys laughing at some of his responses.
Howard kept Lucy on the phone while he read an article about her. They talked to Lucy about the cards she was getting from other celebrities and things like that. Lucy said she had one foot in the Twilight Zone and another on a banana peel. Howard let Lucy go a few minutes later.
Howard said she really is a big talent. Gilbert said her heart is as big as her talent. Howard said it was very gracious of her to stay on the phone so long.
Robin got back to her news and read through a few stories. Howard and Gilbert would goof around with each of the stories.
Gilbert did his Richard Belzer impression a little bit. Robin read more Lucy news so they got back into that too. Robin read through a few more stories and Howard got ready to wrap up the show. Howard said they should walk around the station bragging about their ratings. Howard said he's going to go out with the Abbie Hoffman tribute song. He played that song as they ended the show.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 11:45am.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:05am.