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Playboy Cyber Club
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Howard started the show talking about how he's having trouble seeing so he has to get his glasses fixed. He said he has to find a sweet spot to see in his bifocals. Howard said he wants to look handsome so he wears little glasses and they're hard to maneuver. Howard said he's irritated and angry today and he doesn't even know why. He said he's been in therapy for 15 years and he's not making any progress. Howard said he doesn't' like being angry and he doesn't even know why he's angry. He said he's been up since 3:30 and he's just angry. He said his glasses might be to blame.
Robin asked if he's going to have to go for the Swifty Lazar glasses. Howard said he might have to. Howard said Benjy went out on the street and made up a lie about Howard Stern being named to the sexiest man of the year. Howard said the response was horrible. Howard played some of the interviews Benjy did. One woman said that Howard is homely and not sexy at all. Howard said maybe he should cut his hair in a manly style. Howard said his grandfather would do that. Howard said he thinks he'd look uglier if he cut it short and slicked it back. Howard said the hair covers his face at certain angles now.
Howard played another interview Benjy did with someone with the fake ''Sexiest Man Alive'' thing. The woman's response was ''Ew!'' and she said he's old and ugly. She said that they should put Tom Jones as the sexiest man alive. Howard said this woman is a bore. He said he just doesn't want to hear it.
Howard said that they finally found someone who thought he was good looking but then found out that she has no idea who he even is. Howard played that one. The woman played along with Benjy and said that Howard is a very sexy man. She said he's very handsome. Benjy asked what she finds so handsome. She said she doesn't know who he is. Then she asked for $10 but Benjy said he'd only give her $1. Howard said they finally had a fan and he refused to pay her.
Howard said that was a disaster. He said now he has to get those giant glasses. Howard played another one Benjy did and in that one the woman said ''Oh please. Spare me that one'' when Benjy told her about the sexiest man thing. She said he does have a beautiful wife though. She said she's not sure how that wife can look at him in the morning.
Howard said he's deflated from this. He said he's always miserable and maybe he needs to be medicated. He said he wants to be happy like all of these other mutants out there. Robin said that wouldn't make him happy. She said that maybe street drugs would.
Howard played another Benjy interview and this woman agreed that he is very sexy. She talked about what a great man he is and why. She said he's a good man. Benjy asked if she would mate with him. She said no to that. She said that she has a husband. Howard said he's okay with that.
Howard said they found a dude who finds him handsome. Howard played that one and Benjy asked the guy about the sexiest man alive thing. The guy said he can see that. The guy said that's better than Governor Cuomo. The guy said he has red hair and blue eyes like Benjy. Benjy said he has brown hair. The guy said he doesn't even know that.
Howard said that's depressing. Robin asked where he went to get those interviews. Benjy said it was around the building there. Howard said Benjy isn't going far for interviews. Howard said most of the interviews they do are right around that building.
Howard said life doesn't seem so pleasant for him. He said he thought he had his own happiness. He said he's not sure how to make himself happy. He said everything bothers him. He said he can't help it. Robin said that it's not who he is. Howard said he can't change. He said he's tried. Robin said he can but he won't.
Howard said Flavor Flav was arrested for throwing his fiancee on the floor and threatened to kill her. Howard said Rihanna heard that and said that's her kind of man. Howard said maybe it's just coming from Roosevelt and that's where all of this anger comes from. He said he's not hitting anyone himself... allegedly. Robin said Howard can controlled his thoughts. Howard said he can not. Robin insisted that he can.
Howard said Beyonce is performing the half time show at the Super Bowl. Howard said they'll use her ass as the Jumbotron there after that.
Howard said he saw a picture of Kim Kardashian's ass and that thing is fucking huge. He said that he saw it in a see through outfit.
Howard said he didn't see the Flavor Flav story coming. He said that's real anger. Howard said this guy Drake was on a TV show all happy about how he just got his high school diploma. Howard said that's not that great of an accomplishment. Howard said Sal has a diploma and he doesn't know so many things. Howard said he has one too and he can't even do math. Howard said there are plenty of people who have a diploma and aren't that bright.
Howard said he sees that Romney might be winning in the polls. Robin said she read that it's a dead heat. Howard said he read that Romney was winning over the weekend. Gary said he saw that Obama was up in some key swing states that could win the election.
Howard said that Katie Couric was sitting behind them and she looks really good. Howard said he thought she was older than he is. Howard said he'd like to know who her surgeon is. Robin said she has seen her not look so good too. Gary said he saw her on a plane once early in the morning. He said she didn't look so good. Howard said he thought she looked good when he saw her.
Howard asked Gary if he's happy. Gary said he is. He asked if he was miserable over the weekend. Howard said he was. He said that he was miserable on Saturday because he knew Sunday was coming up. Howard said he was told that he could leave there after his third year there. Howard said he has a 5 year deal but he has an out. Howard said he wants to leave.
Howard said that Lindsay Lohan's dad had an intervention for her. Howard said he loves that family because you can throw a rock at the family and hit someone who needs an intervention. Gary said that's like when they asked Artie to go to the KC intervention.
Howard said he read about Madonna's book ''Erotic'' and how it's celebrating its 20th anniversary. Howard said that it's the only erotic book that no one has ever jerked off to. Howard said it's not sexy. Robin said it was mis-named. Howard said it's not erotic. He said that it's filled with a naked woman that's not sexy. Gary said that Vanilla Ice was in a lot of the pictures. Howard said she must have been banking on him being a bigger star.
Howard said Detroit was named the most dangerous city for the fourth time. He said NBC is sending Ann Curry there. Howard said they claim she loves that they send her to these dangerous places but he doesn't buy it.
Howard asked Robin if Kim Kardashian's sister is going to be the host of The X Factor. Robin said she thinks that Simon Cowell must be out of his mind. Howard said his dad warned him not to go into radio because you don't really need any training. Howard said anyone can take over for you.
Howard said Kim Kardashian turned 32 the other day. He said he thinks that's how much her ass weighs.
Howard said Miss Howard Stern, Andrea, was busted for DUI earlier in the month. Howard said she was meant to be a beacon of hope to look up to. Robin asked if they're supposed to strip her of her title now. Howard said he doesn't think they can do that. He said he thinks that she's lived up to that title.
Howard said Brad is standing there with his long hair and good looks. He said he takes himself way too seriously and talks randomly about dumb shit. Howard said he had some audio of those commercials too. Howard played some of the ramblings. Howard said that he's making idiotic statements in the commercial. He was talking about how the world turns and how we turn with it. Howard goofed on him about that and played more of the audio. Pitt is promoting Chanel No. 5 in those commercials. Howard said JD did one too. Howard played that parody of the commercial and JD was reading the same lines as Brad Pitt. Robin said they should have Eric the Actor do that too. Howard said the guy doing the parody on SNL looked a lot like Brad Pitt. Howard played some audio of that.
Howard played a prank call Sal and Richard had Mark the Bagger make. In the call Mark calls this guy and asks if he can stay with him because he's a relative. The guy said he has other family living with him and he has to call him later. Mark was saying he needs to shit in his back yard. Howard said this call is insane. The guy was telling the guy to call him later in the day and he doesn't even know him. Howard said there are just too many people. Mark the Bagger was telling the guy that he shit himself and the guy told him he can't even talk to him and eventually hung up.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who asked if he has anything that makes him feel good in his life. Howard said he's just felt like shit for the past few days. He said it's like a wet blanket. King said that people are listening and they think that he has all of the money in the world so he should be happy. Howard said he was reading about this Ashton Kutcher who has a ton of money. He said he invested in a bunch of things that helped him get up to being worth like a billion dollars. Howard said he can't even pick the right stocks himself. Howard said he was supposed to have his big money moment there but they screwed him. Howard said he knows he makes a lot of money but Ashton Kutcher is worth like a billion dollars. Howard said he's just angry all the time. He said he's irritable and not fun. King told him to buy a new car. Robin said that won't make him happy. Howard said he finds that frivolous. Howard said he'll spend money on his wife and kids but not on himself.
Howard took a call from a guy who may have fallen asleep on the line. Howard said he could hear him breathing. Robin heard it too. Howard said they changed their phone system and now he can't read the thing. He said the callers are sleeping too. Howard said he's sorry he's so negative but he's just a negative guy. Robin said that he may be mirroring the mood of the country.
Howard said he has an idea for a bit. He said he has seen some gay dating web sites and he was thinking that every guy on the show could create a European gay web site and see how many responses they get. Howard asked Fred if he'd be comfortable with that. Fred said he's fine with that. He said he'd do it. Howard said they can find out who is better looking that way. Howard said Gary and Will get a lot of gay guys coming on to them. Howard asked Benjy if he'd be up for this too. Benjy said he's fine with it too. Howard said maybe he could have Jason take the pictures. Howard said he has a press photo that he looks really good in. Howard asked Fred what photo he'd use. Fred said he's fine with any photo.
Howard said he didn't want to put Will in there but Fred said they can put him in and see who comes in second.
Will came in and asked what he's talking about. Howard said he's talking about him being high as a kite over the weekend. Will said he doesn't remember much of that night. Howard said Will is very needy. Will said he knows that. Howard said he's not sure why he has to talk about him the way he did. Will said he hasn't been out in a long time and he's pretty lame. Howard said he didn't know Will was so good at stand-up. Will said he was getting shots from the audience and things got out of hand. He said he passed out in the car on the way home with Scott DePace.
Howard said Ronnie is weird too. He talked about some of the stuff he was doing at the block party too. Will said he got off the stage and JD went up and didn't prepare to do anything. He said the crowd still went berserk. Will said they still read Ronnie's ''Winter'' poem and he's not sure how much longer that can go on. Howard said Ronnie is really annoying at those things. He said he just yells.
Howard said he was thinking about Ronnie. He said he slept at Bubba's house and he could be on tape. Gary said they're saying that there are three more tapes and one of the guys in the tapes is described as a short man. Howard wondered if that's Ronnie. Gary said he was going to pull the article so they can read what they say.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had some thoughts on America's Got Talent. He said he thinks that it's great that Howard is on TV and he did very well. He said maybe he should focus on the radio show and go out with a bang. He said then he could do TV. Howard said he didn't care what the guy thought and hung up on him.
Robin said that she was reading about the alleged sex tapes. She said that they claim there are many tapes of Heather Clem having sex with B and C-list celebrities. Howard said they don't even know if any of those stories are true.
Howard read some feedback he got about Bubba's call last week. Howard went through some of those emails and people had a lot of theories about what's really going on. Robin said one of the things in the article was that Heather might have been allowed to have sex with other men as long as she taped it. Howard said that's what he read too.
Howard read more emails about Bubba's comments last week and how he was claiming he didn't know how the taping went. The writer said that Bubba knows how the system works and he thinks that he was lying when he said he didn't know. Howard said he has a security system himself and he doesn't know how it works.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up an article about Dominic Barbara who thinks that Howard is endorsing him. Howard said that he has no idea what's going on with him or this fat bill. Howard said he thought Dominic lost weight with some kind of procedure. Robin said he claims he lost weight and gained weight and then came up with this fat pill thing. Howard said he wouldn't go to him about weight loss. The caller said he lost like 140 pounds. Howard said he thinks that's from the operation but he's not sure about that.
Howard said Ronnie the Limo Driver slept at Bubba's house. Howard asked if he was there with his girlfriend. Howard said he has to take a break but he wants to talk about this. Ronnie said he has been to Bubba's house but never slept there.
Howard asked what happened to his finger. Ronnie said he dropped a metal plate on it and he split it open. He said he's not sure if he needs stitches.
Ronnie said Bubba did show him the cameras in his house. He said he was never in the bedroom though. Howard asked if he ever slept with Heather. Ronnie said ''No! Hell no!'' Howard asked if he ever offered to let him sleep with her. Ronnie said no to that too. Howard asked if that finger is the one he uses to finger girls with. Ronnie said no to that too. He showed Howard the finger he uses.
Ronnie said the plate he dropped on his finger was from the trailer he used for his Pace Car last week. He took Jon Leiberman out for a drive at a race track. Ronnie said they taped it so he should check that out. He said he was only doing like 80-90 on the track and he's not sure why Leiberman was so freaked out. Howard said he'd be freaked out by that. Ronnie said that Shuli got into the race track's pace car and he was having a great time. He said he put a Rick's girl in his car and she had a great time. He said Leiberman was crying so it was crazy.
Gary said that the top speed Ronnie hit was 67 miles per hour. Jon Leiberman came in and said he wasn't crying. Ronnie said he was crying. Ronnie said that Leiberman has a glass eye. He said they were talking about crashes at the track and things like that. He said that he has a fake eye and pins in his leg.
Jon said he's going to tell them about what he's got. Howard said he has to put his headphone on correctly. Jon had to flip the headphones. Jon said that Ronnie is bothering him already.
Jon said when he was 13 he was hit in the eye with a hockey puck. He said he had the puck slam him in the eye. He said they told him he'd only have a black eye. He said he was in the hospital for 3 months because he had a blood clot on his optic nerve. Jon said they implanted a plexiglass lens in his eye and you can see that. He said it's not a glass eye. Ronnie said he was claiming he had a fake eye at the race track.
Jon said the reason that he was so scared is because Ronnie thinks that he's a race car driver. Ronnie said that he does not. Jon said that Ronnie thinks that his car is a race car. Ronnie said it is a Corvette. Howard said he wants to hear this story. Ronnie was going off on him saying a Corvette is a race car. Jon said that he had the top down and that's not what race cars do.
Ronnie said that he never said he was a race car driver. Howard told him to calm down for a minute. Jon said that they came close to the wall multiple times. He said that he has had too many near death experiences and he didn't want to go in this way. Howard said that he must have panicked. Jon said he didn't panic. Ronnie said they have the tape of him screaming ''Please stop the car!'' over and over.
Howard played a clip of Jon talking about the pins in his leg. He had audio of Ronnie driving Jon and Jon freaking out telling him to please be careful. Jon was asking him to stop but Ronnie kept going. Jon said that was good and he needed a break. He was saying ''No, no, no... please, please, please!'' Ronnie would accelerate and Jon would ask him to stop. Jon said it was time for a break, seriously.
Howard said that they tweeted @SternShow) out a picture of Jon screaming in the pace car with Ronnie.
Jon said that Ronnie doesn't wear a seat belt when he's driving usually. Howard said he didn't know that. Ronnie doesn't wear one in the limo. Ronnie said he doesn't like seat belts.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about the track being on the track and if it was set up right. Ronnie said he didn't do anything special for the car to put it on the track but it ran excellent. Jon said they had an ambulance there and they had a body board for him. The caller said that they have track days for stuff like this. He said you can get up to 170 miles per hour. He said it would be hilarious to put Leiberman in a car for that. Jon said he's not going to be doing that.
Howard said he really has to take a break. He said this sounded like a lot of fun. Jon said he hated it. He said he couldn't wait for it to be over. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Big Foot Jr. is there. Howard said that they have a fight going on right now. He said Big Foot Jr. thinks that Robin doesn't like him. Big Foot said that Robin is invisible and he'd like to know how she does that. He also said he'd like to fuck her like a ''wild aminal it is.''
Howard said that the fight going on in the hall is with Scott DePace and Ronnie. Howard said Ronnie yelled at Scott during the block party and now Shuli is upset that Scott didn't like the show. Howard said they're out in the hall yelling at each other about this stuff.
Shuli came in and said that Scott came to the show as a guest and he showed up drunk. He said that's fine. DePace came in and said that he had 5 beers before the show. Shuli said he drove after having 5 beers so that's fine. Shuli said that they asked people to not yell out during the show. He said some people want to see the show. He said they gave that speech and within the first 10 minutes he sees everyone at the bar having a conversation in the back of the room. Scott said that the VIP area was at the bar. Shuli said he asked Ronnie to let the people who were there with them to be respectful.
Scott said he was back to the side and he saw Will near the bar so he went out there. He said he whispered to a girl who asked him a question and then he hears Ronnie yelling at him on stage for like 3 minutes. Shuli said he could hear him over the comics. Scott said that's bullshit. Scott said the whole place was talking because it was a snooze fest. Howard asked if it really was. Scott said he didn't laugh at the first comic and a little bit at the second guy.
Shuli said he's only saying this because he knew he was out of line. Shuli said that he doesn't know anything. Shuli said he came as a guest and he told him during the breaks that they needed more beer in the green room. Shuli said he was talking to people during the first comic's act. Ronnie said that Scott didn't even see any of the show. Shuli said he can reason with some people but not Scott. He said he was able to reason with Will.
Scott said the bar was loud. Shuli said it was really loud with Scott there. Scott said he didn't do anything wrong. Shuli said he just asked him to be respectful of them and not do what he did. Scott said they didn't have to single him out there. Scott said all they had to do was ask the people to shut up and pointed him out. He said they did this long thing about how he should go outside. He said he gave them a fuck you when they told him to go outside.
Shuli said the crowd booed Scott when he came in. Ronnie said they were booing him. Scott said JD and Ronnie didn't do anything up there. Shuli said Scott was telling Ronnie to ''go tell comedy'' up on stage. He said it's called jokes.
Howard asked Big Foot Jr. if he ever goes to these shows. Big Foot was trying to talk but Ronnie and Scott were talking over him. Big Foot finally got a word out about Scott and how he was going to take a shit under his Christmas tree if Romney wins.
Shuli said that Scott is a little rat snitch. Scott said that he can't believe that Ronnie's girl took that kind of crap from them either. He said she was talking too. Shuli said he should stand behind Scott in the control room talking and see how he does the job. Scott said that would fuck up the show. He said Howard doesn't want that.
Scott said he liked Will and Little Mikey. He said he liked Horse getting kicked in the nuts too. He said High Pitch Eric was fourth best at the show. He said John Bolaris was there and said some nice things about Howard. He said Shuli was about 6th on the list. Howard asked Shuli if he hates Scott now. Shuli said if he had just accepted some of the responsibility he'd be okay. He said the guy showed up drunk and then asked for more to drink. He said he wants him out of his life. Shuli said Scott is just Will's cab driver. That's it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Scott is right and Shuli sucks. He said that he's a low life. Howard said that's not fair. Howard said Shuli must have been affected by the noise in the room. The caller said that he'd like to see Scott fuck Shuli up right there on the stage. Shuli said they'll be back in a few months so maybe they can do it then.
Shuli said that he just didn't like that the people who were guests of theirs talking over their comics. He said that they were invited guests and they were given free drinks and they were talking over everyone. Shuli said that Scott looks like a fucked up James Taylor. He had Howard laughing at that one. Big Foot Jr. was joking about that stuff too.
Howard said that they have to go back to work now. Shuli said that some of these shows have more of a show going on back stage than they do on stage. He said this was one of them.
Howard said he has a lot going on today. He said they have a lot to get to. He said he had to take a break but he played a bit where they had a bunch of the fights from the show. Howard mentioned that the Counting Crows were going to be in performing a medley from Abbey Road later on. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said that Tom Hanks said ''fuck'' on Good Morning America. Howard said that everyone is upset and apologizing over it. Howard played the audio where Tom was talking about cursing and doing it in accents. He let a ''fuckin'' slip out and he quickly realized what he had done and apologized. The host was apologizing too. Howard didn't seem to think it was that big of a deal.
Howard said that Howard K. Stern is back in the news. He said they overturned something in the courts with that guy and now he's back. Howard said they put up a picture of him and Beth when they were talking about Howard K. Stern on this TV station. Howard said ''Really?'' like he couldn't believe they didn't know the difference. Howard said that this really ticked him off. Howard said that he could sue over something like that. He said the station apologized for the mistake. Howard played the audio where they were reporting the story about Howard K. Stern and put Howard Stern and Beth up on the screen. The news anchor quickly apologized for the mistake as soon as he saw the photo. Howard said he'd like them to not do that anymore.
Big Foot Jr. asked Howard what it was like fucking that fat pig Anna Nicole Smith. Howard said he's got the story wrong. Howard said that it's Howard K. Stern.
Howard played a clip of a news report where they said that Robin Gibb had died of ''fart failure.'' The reporter said ''died of heart failure'' but the words were so close that it sounded like fart failure.
Howard and Big Foot Jr. spent a little time talking. Howard said Big Foot is trying his best with limited intelligence.
Howard said that Michael Vick was in the news last week too. Howard said he sent out a tweet and someone noticed a box of dog biscuits in the photo. Howard played a Michael Vick commercial parody that the guys created.
Howard also played an educational film where they talked about how homosexuals will pick up hitchhikers. They were talking about this young boy who had done this before and this homosexual was going to pick him up. The announcer warned people that you don't know what they're about and how they may appear normal. Robin said she didn't know homosexuality was contagious.
JD came in and said that he will get the tape of Eric eventually. He told him to calm down. Then he and Big Foot went off on Eric calling him names. Eric said that Big Foot Jr. is the guy who came in second or third in the last impressions contest. Big foot told him he needs to slow it down and give him more pauses between his words. He said he doesn't think that it's the real Eric the Midget. Eric said he's Eric the Actor.
Eric said he's in a Twitter war with a wrestler that he was in a war with on the TNA Today thing last week. Howard said he just put Big Foot Jr. to sleep. He had to wake him up. Howard said Eric just put him to sleep.. it is. Eric said someone should put him to sleep. Howard thanked him for the call. Eric said he has been sending them a lot of stuff about the Bubba and Hulk Hogan sex tape story. Big Foot told him to shut up and told another joke.
Howard thanked Eric for the call once again. Gary told Howard that Eric just cuts and pastes the stuff he finds on the web. He said everyone sends that stuff. Eric tried saying something but Fred kept playing Eric saying ''I'm fucking retarded'' over and over. Eric said he didn't claim that he was sending new stuff. Howard said they get all of that stuff. Gary said that they have a research team there so they get all of that.
Big Foot Jr. told Eric to go clean his diaper. He said something about the Hulk Hogan sex tape that Howard pointed out was being said by Jay Tesoro (Big Foot Jr.).
Howard said that the Daily News had a story up about how Hulk Hogan didn't want to come in and work things out with Bubba on his show. Howard said the Daily News went and contacted Hulk's lawyer and his lawyer said no. Howard said that they never even made the offer themselves. Howard said the Daily News did it.
Howard said Lisa is all down on herself. Robin said that she's always front and center in the group photos they take. Howard said he'll have a bottle of wine there for her. She said she has to drive home. Big Foot asked if he's going to use the bottle to hit her with.
Lisa said she has all kinds of things for the shoot. She said she took Howard's list and got all of the stuff he asked her to get. Big Foot said that she's a very pretty lady. He said he thinks that it should be a picture of him sticking his dick in her ear on the cover of her book. Lisa said maybe that can be the centerfold.
Lisa said that they have a story about Scott the Engineer and how they pitched an idea for a bowling show to Tim Sabean. Howard said they have a bit they put together about what that show might sound like. Gary told Howard where the clip was at so Howard played it. They had Scott rambling about bowling in the clip.
Lisa said that Joey Boots is in trouble with the law again. She said that he refused to follow orders from cops in Penn Station. Lisa said that he has a desk appearance in December.
Lisa said that Ronnie was the victim of a hit and run in his neighborhood. She said that his truck was hit while parked on the road. She also got in some plugs for tonight's Chuck Zito and Greg Fitzsimmons shows on Howard 101.
Howard told Lisa not to be nervous about this photo shoot. Howard said he doesn't think there will be a problem there. Howard said he thinks she'll do just fine. Howard said it'll all be fine. He said she did ask him to do it so he's doing it for her. Howard said he's going to be shooting her on Thursday in a studio. Big Foot told him he had two words for him... Chloroform.
Howard asked Lisa what she'll be thinking about during the shoot. big Foot told her to think about his 9 inch, hairy cock. Lisa said that would make her sick. Big Foot told her to put an oatmeal cookie in the middle of the book and they'll fly off the shelves.
Howard said after the break they're going to have the Counting Crows in there performing a medley of Beatles songs from Abbey Road. Howard went through some of the songs that they'd be performing. He was singing some of them himself. Howard said this is going to be great. He went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Counting Crows in the studio. Howard said Adam Duritz has had a lot of celebrities. Howard asked if he's ever thought of Lisa Kudrow. He said he'd go down in the annals of history. Howard asked if the microphones were working. Adam tried talking and the mics were on a delay. Howard said nothing ever works in there. Howard asked Scott if he can give him a microphone before walking about. Scott just kept on walking. Howard said he wants out of the business. They gave Adam a microphone and Howard had to figure out which one to use. Howard said this happens every time they have a band in there. He said his engineer can't get the sound right. Howard asked Scott why he walked out. Scott said he had to walk out to fix the problem.
Howard said the Counting Crows have sold some crazy number of albums. He said that they're in a very successful band. Howard said they work all the time. Howard asked if they have an exciting life. Adam said he likes it. He said he's pretty excited. Robin said she saw them on a morning show performing live and thought that they didn't do their show anymore. Adam told her to stop with that shot. He said that they love to do the show.
Howard asked Adam about how he lost the weight he lost. Adam said he works out. He said he doesn't know if he eats right. He said he's drinking less. Howard asked if he's drinking with the medication. Adam said he has the right medications that aren't affected by the liquor. The other guys were saying that he's fine when he drinks.
Howard asked Adam about this new album they put out where they have cover versions. Adam said they did songs they like. He said they didn't have an intention of picking songs everyone knows. He said that some of them are songs they've played for a long time and songs they played in other bands.
Howard asked why they left Geffen records. Adam said they were good to them but it's just a different world now and they got tired of dealing with the rules of the record companies. He said that they pretend that the internet doesn't exist. Howard asked how he would change that if he was the head of Geffen. Adam said he's not sure there's a golden bullet. He said it's a tough business. He said that you have to give away downloads and treat it like a radio station. Adam said that people still buy records and you can give away stuff and sell records. He said that you have to treat it like a billboard.
Howard said it must be tough to get a song played on radio these days. He asked where they go to promote albums. Adam said they just go out and play and it seems to work pretty well. Howard asked how they left Geffen. Adam said they had a lot of fights with the record company on the last album and they had some compromises. He said they realized that they had different things they wanted to do so they just agreed to let them go. Adam said that it was going to cost them a lot of money to keep them so they knew that they'd let them go. Adam said now they have their own record label basically. He said they do it all themselves and they've made all of their albums so they knows how to do that stuff.
Howard asked Adam if they're done writing music. Adam said he was writing for a play last year so they just did cover versions so he didn't have to write for the record.
Howard said the guys are going to do a medley of songs for them today. Howard asked to hear a preview of one of the songs. The drummer gave Howard a taste of that. Howard asked Adam if he has ever met any of the Beatles. Adam said he met Paul. Howard asked if George Martin is as good as he claims he is. Adam said that he is pretty good. Howard asked who produces their albums. Adam said the last one they did with their sound guy, Sean.
Howard said he's going to let the guys perform now and then he'll get into who the guys are banging. Howard said he heard that Adam was banging Emmy Rossum. Adam said that she's a lovely, amazing girl. Howard asked if he could ever get married. Adam said sure. Howard had the guys do their thing after that.
The guys performed a medley of songs from the Beatles Abbey Road album.
After the performance Howard asked why they were laughing at the end. Adam said he wasn't sure if they could hear the piano at the end of the song. Howard said he heard it. Adam said that it wasn't in his mix so he didn't hear it. Howard said that they can do it again if they want. Howard said for him it sounded great. Howard said he heard it all.
Howard asked Adam if he really thinks it's funny. Adam said that it is funny. Howard said he would get so aggravated if it happened to him. Howard said he tantrums inside. Howard said he understands if they're frustrated. Adam said that shit happens so it doesn't always work out.
Howard said that there must be a lot of jealous performers out there. He said they can do this stuff live. He said a lot of bands can't do that. Adam said he loves live music and they were doing shows this weekend and they had 25 live bands.
Howard said Gary has seen them like 10-12 times. Adam said he loves that guy. Howard said it seems a lot like the Grateful Dead and they keep the band going by coming out like that. Howard said he's seen them perform live a few times.
Howard asked Adam if he has to understand the lyrics before performing a song. Adam said you can do it without caring. He said that he doesn't know what the Beatles are talking about in their songs. He said he tries not to analyze it. Adam said that sometimes things are made to sound nonsensical. He said Dylan is like that. He said you have no idea what he's talking about during the whole song. He said he's not even sure that Dylan knows what he's talking about.
Howard said lyrics mean a lot to him. He said that when Adam was singing about carrying the weight he felt that he was singing about carrying around the baggage in his life. Adam said that's what it means to him but he's not sure what the Beatles meant when they wrote that. Howard asked if Paul McCartney was aware of his music when he talked to him. Adam said he was. Howard said that must be a thrill to know that. Adam said it was a tough night for Paul. He said that it was after Linda had died. He said Paul looked really old all night until he got up and performed. He said Paul told him that the music keeps him young.
Howard asked Adam what he talked to Paul about. Adam said he told Paul that they ripped them off. He said that they did this song and they had this part of the song that was basically one of their songs and they had to change it. He said they were definitely the inspiration for that song so he told Paul about that. Adam said that Paul was really cool to talk to. He said that he wanted to have an album that had melodies that would be easy to remember. He said that's like what the Beatles albums were. Howard said it is pretty amazing. He said you could get defeated thinking about that.
Howard asked if he got together with Paul again after that. Adam said he didn't. He said he got an autograph for Dan. Dan said he tried talking him into going but he didn't go. He said that Adam was kind enough to get him the program from the event. Howard said he brought his daughter to Paul's concert and he's only asked like 3 people for autographs. Howard said he did it for his daughter and Paul turned him down. He said he was humiliated. Howard said it was in front of his daughter too. Dan said that means even more to him now.
Adam said he did a special where he hung out with George Martin a lot during the week. He said George was very tough on him. He said Dan came in and gave him George Martin's book to get signed. He said that George actually gave him his number. He said that he asked George to sign the book for him and George signed it. He said he left and walked to his car and opened the book. It said ''To Adam, it's been great working with you.'' He said he spent the entire day trying to find the book because he felt so bad. He said he felt so bad about that.
Howard asked Adam about performing in an orchestra and why he had a hard time with that. Adam said that you have to work in a different way than you would in a band. He said that the maestro keeps time and it's slightly delayed so the orchestra can keep up. He said George asked him to sing it with some ''actual feeling'' next time he sings it. He said he didn't do it in a mean way. He said he was just trying to figure out a way to say it nicely.
Howard asked Adam how he writes. Adam said he has his own words for certain things. He said the guys think it's funny how he writes. Adam said he does it his way and then the guys will tell him what the right thing is. Howard asked if he has a journal of poems that he writes. Adam said he doesn't write poems. Howard asked how he comes up with the songs. Adam said sometimes he'll just write the whole song. He said that it turns into a counting crows song when they all get together and perform it.
Howard asked when their big hit was. Adam said it was 1994. Howard said he thought it was 2003 or something. Adam said they've known Howard for a really long time. Adam said they came out about a year before Pearl Jam. He said they were on the same label as Nirvana. Howard asked if he hung out with Kurt Cobain. Adam said he did and he was a sweet guy. Howard asked if he could relate to the depression. Adam said it was scary because he has depression and he was similar to Kurt in that way. Adam said they were in Europe at the time and Rolling Stone was coming to shoot them for the cover. Adam said that morning they got to Paris really early and that's where he met the wrier and photographer. He said he started to get comfortable with the shoot and then he got a phone call. He said it was their friend Gary calling from California telling him that they had found Kurt's body. He said that news scared the crap out of him.
Howard asked Adam if he was afraid that would happen to him. Adam said it was a little freaky. He said they had to shoot the cover later because they didn't do a very good job that day. Adam said their drummer did his laundry and pissed off a cab driver. He said that the guy drove him to Belgium and back. He said that was their former drummer. He said that the driver drove him that far because he had pissed the guy off so much.
Howard asked what happened to that drummer. Adam said being in a band is tough. He said that keeping it together doesn't work all the time. Howard said it's like being in a marriage sometimes. He said that you have to compromise. He asked if they've ever broken up or come close to it. Adam said that the first album caused everyone to leave at some point. Adam said he takes responsibility for that. Adam said they were trying to figure out who they were back then. He said that they were demanding a lot of themselves and stuff.
Howard said he felt he had arrived when he got on the cover of Rolling Stone. Howard said he felt that the show was sort of rock and roll. Howard said Adam makes it sound like it caused him a lot of angst.
Howard said that the guy's new album is called ''Underwater Sunshine (or what we did on our summer vacation)'' and he's going to play one of their songs. He said that they're cover versions of songs that the guys all liked. Howard said that's basically what Led Zeppelin did on their first album. Howard said that they just made them their own.
Howard asked if they're going to put out another album of Counting Crows songs. Adam said ''Yeah... maybe.'' Howard asked if they have performed that medley of songs before. Adam said they did that as a sound check a few weeks ago. Howard said he likes harmonies and things like that. Howard said that it sounds pretty effortless to him. Howard asked to hear that without the music playing. Howard asked them to harmonize together. Howard said they could play one instrument. They played the keyboard but Adam couldn't hear it in the mix. They ended up doing the harmonizing from ''Golden Slumbers.'' Howard said he loves that.
Howard asked if they like Crosby Stills and Nash when they do that. Adam said sure but he likes the Beatles even better.
The guys ended up doing another harmonizing thing for the song ''Meet on the Ledge.'' Howard said he loves that. Howard tried singing it too. One of the guys said that was good but it wasn't.
Howard asked what their single is. Adam said it's ''Meet on the Ledge.'' Howard asked if they could perform that song now. Adam said they can do the whole thing. Howard said he has judged them and put them through to the next round. Howard asked if they would hate to be starting out now. He said they'd have to sit there and be judged. Adam said that you can make records and put them out yourself. He said it's hard to make money though.
Howard asked the guys to perform the song. The song was originally performed by Fairport Convention. The guys went into the song a short time later.
After the song Howard asked if they perform that stuff all together in the studio or do it separately. Adam said they'll do it together first and then do it separately. He said that song came pretty quickly.
Howard asked if they go to Fairport Convention and ask them if they can do that. Adam said they heard that they liked the version of the song.
Howard asked if anyone's covers of their songs have annoyed them. Adam said that some people have covered their stuff and it's been good. Adam said that one of their songs made it into a movie without his permission and that upset him. He said they got someone else's permission and it's basically legal. He said the movie was ''Something Borrowed'' and the author of the book the movie was based on told him about the song being in it. He said he was furious. He said he never heard it himself. One of the guys said that he was watching the movie and heard the song come on. He said the version of it was horrible though.
Howard asked Adam if he's going to tell him the details of the women he's dated. Howard asked if he's thought about calling Courteney Cox now that she's single again. Adam gave a simple no answer.
Howard said that he's glad that they're still out there performing. Howard went through the names of the guys in the band and stopped when he came to Millard. Howard wondered who would name their kid Millard. Howard gave the guys a plug for their new album and for their web site CountingCrows.com. Howard was amazed that they had that domain name. The guys said it was pretty easy to get it back in 1994. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked Robin about Donald Trump announcing he has something on Obama that he's going to announce on Wednesday. Robin didn't know anything about that. Howard asked Big Foot Jr. if he knew. Big Foot just said ''What?'' He also said he counted about 7 Crows in there earlier.
Howard played some audio of Donald Trump talking about President Obama on FOX News. They said that Trump has a big announcement to make on Wednesday about Obama. Howard laughed when he heard that. Trump said he's probably going to do it on Wednesday and he'll do it on his Twitter account. Trump said that this will be very big and it could possibly change the election. Trump said it's very big. Howard said maybe Obama is in a tape with Heather Clem. Robin wondered if Obama had ever been to Tampa.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked when he's going to run for president. Howard said he and Jesse Ventura are talking about running next time. Howard said he'd be Vice President though. Howard said that he was told he wouldn't have to do a thing so he's looking forward to that. Howard said he would just have to go to dances and funerals and stuff. Howard said he is in talks with Jesse about that.
Howard said he read an article in the paper about how Mayor Bloomberg could do great if he ran. Howard said Bloomberg isn't afraid to take a stand on things. Howard said that when you run for office you have to be very vague about what you really want to do. Howard said the days of politicians speaking their minds is long gone. Howard said he will do that though and he may ruin their run for office. Howard said he might blurt out to Candy Crawley ''Why aren't you losing weight?'' Howard said the people who are very heavy drink soda. Robin said they drink the diet stuff too. Howard said they say that leads to even more weight gain.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the Today show just stole one of their bits. He said they went out and asked people phony questions about the debates like Sal and Richard do. Howard said everything that is ever done in society was done on this show. Howard said he is fighting a losing battle. He said that they keep taking it all away from him.
Howard asked Robin what's in the news. Robin read about how girls are reaching puberty at a younger and younger age. She said now it's happening to boys as well. Robin said they say it's 6 months to 2 years earlier than text books say. Robin said they say it's as early as 9. Howard said he's heard it's from drinking milk from the hormones. Robin said they say that about chickens too. Howard said the pedophiles are complaining because they can't go after them after puberty. Robin said it's sad that a 9 year old could get someone pregnant.
Howard said he didn't hit puberty until after 13. Howard said Dr. Lou had a lot of hair long before he did. Howard said Lou just laughed at him. Howard said he got the hair but his penis didn't grow. Howard said the hair down there is longer than his penis. Howard said he looks down and all he sees is hair down there. He said his penis looks like Cousin It.
Robin said that Jimmy Fallon was at an Italy wedding for some friends. Howard said he could never do that. He said that he'd be too worried about doing his show. Howard said they had a party for Jimmy Kimmel out at his house and Jimmy Fallon was there. Howard said Jimmy was singing to a Billy Joel song and Robin joined in. He said it was a very special night. Robin said Jimmy sat in for Jimmy Kimmel when he wasn't in the room. Howard asked how he took over. Robin said that Jimmy stood up when he mentioned Jimmy Kimmel. Howard said this guy is amazing because he's everywhere. Howard said he can't go away like that. He said he has to lock himself in his house and go to work.
Robin read about a Star Trek convention in London that took place recently. Howard said that's shameful. Howard said they're how old and going to a Star Trek convention. Robin said one couple was married while using the Klingon language.
Howard and Robin talked about the TV show ''Arrow'' and that led to Howard talking about how he got a letter from JJ Abrams about how he's sorry he doesn't like his show ''Revolution.'' Howard said he does like the show. He was just talking about how everyone is shaved and in make up on the show. Howard said his friend Pat pointed that out to him and he was right about that. Howard went into a live commercial after that.
Robin said that Bernard Kerik has a lot of famous people visiting him in prison. Howard said his wife was saying that he's gotten very good looking too. Howard said Bernard has written him from prison. Howard said he never writes anyone back though. Robin said Sylvester Stallone has written to him from what she's read. Howard did his Stallone impression and Big Foot Jr. said that sounds an awful lot like him. Howard asked if he knows who Bernard Kerik is. Big Foot just said ''Who?''
Howard said he likes Bernie Kerik. He said he feels bad that his whole life took a turn. Howard said he chooses to remember the good things he did. Robin said he was using money to fix his house and things. Howard said if you're going to do something like that you don't fix your house. You do something crazy with the money. Howard said he wouldn't last a day in jail himself. Howard went into another live commercial after that.
Robin read about Alec Baldwin and how he's considering running for office but a poll found that 66 percent of people in New York would prefer that he stay home. That led to Howard talking about how he has never heard of anyone who went to this Maris College that conducts these polls. Howard said they should do a poll asking people at the school if they've ever heard of Maris College. Howard did his Seinfeld impression talking about people not knowing this school. Big Foot Jr. said he does an impression of Seinfeld too. He just did his own voice and said that he's Jerry Seinfeld and he's worth a billion dollars it is.
Robin read a story about the death of George McGovern and how he died at the hospital. Howard said he doesn't want to die in a hospital. He said he wants to die at home if he can. Howard spent a few minutes talking about Senator McGovern and what Nixon did to the guy. Howard said he was a devious mother fucker but he'd still vote for him. Robin said that McGovern was 90 years old. Robin said that Nixon's daughters had some things to say to the family of George McGovern. Howard said that would be like Jay Leno commenting on his death. Robin said Jay doesn't have any kids though. Howard did another live commercial read a short time later.
Robin read about Governor Cuomo and how he's thinking of paying Medicaid patients to take better care of themselves. Howard said that's good. Howard said it's cheaper to pay them to be motivated to take care of themselves. Robin said that they could get $250 in bonuses for taking care of themselves. Howard said there is no end in sight for these people. Howard said they get sick and it costs a fortune.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he heard that Jimmy Kimmel is coming to Brooklyn and asked if Howard will be part of that. Howard said he will be on the show on Tuesday. The caller asked if he has any tickets. Howard said they have no control over that. Howard told him to call the Kimmel show for tickets.
Robin read about a guy who shot and killed a few people and himself in a salon in Wisconsin. Robin said he had a restraining order against him and he was told to surrender his weapons to police. Howard said you'd think he'd listen to the police. Robin said the guy took his own life so we don't have to worry about whether or not he's guilty.
Robin read about the labor dispute that's going on with the NHL. Robin said that they still haven't been able to come to an agreement. Howard said if Robin never brought up hocky in the news again he wouldn't care. He said he doesn't care about hockey one bit. Howard said he watched Arrow, Sons of Anarchy and part of Saturday Night Live while football was on yesterday. Robin talked about how great the Giants were over the weekend.
Robin read a story about Tim Tebow copyrighting the term ''Tebowing.'' Robin said that he was in the game yesterday but the Jets lost anyway. Robin said he claims it's not about money but he wants to make sure people do it right. Howard wondered how he's going to enforce doing it right.
Robin read about the pope being in the city over the weekend. Robin said that he named 7 new saints. Robin read about some of those people that were named and had some audio of some people talking about those people.
Robin had some news about the debates last week and what some people were saying about that over the weekend. Robin had some audio of some of that stuff.
Robin read about members of a church in Michigan who heard from Ron Jeremy about how porn stars believe in god too. Robin had some audio of Ron Jeremy talking about this church.
Robin read a story about Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas appearing on Oprah Winfrey's show. Robin said she addressed the rumors that the band is breaking up. Fergie said that they're just on a break. Howard wondered why they would break up. He said they have hit after hit. Robin said that she also talked about the hallucinations she had when she was on crystal meth. Robin had audio of that discussion. Robin said she talked about her bisexuality too. Howard sounded interested in that. Howard said she's into meth and chicks. Big Foot Jr. said meth and pussy are his two favorite things too. Howard said Oprah should eat during her interviews. He said it must kill her that she can't. Fergie also talked about how she made out with Taboo once when they were first starting out. Howard said he thinks that she fucked Will.I.Am. He said that she's mad at him because she thinks that he said she can't sing but he never said that. He was talking about the singer they had before her.
Robin read about Michael Lohan trying to get control over his daughter Lindsay. Howard said that family is a mess. Howard said he's not sure who you'd go to when you want to talk to the sane one. Howard said you can't find one of them that's normal. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:25am.
Jon said Howard is shooting Lisa G's book cover. He said he's surprised by that. He said there are some people who are upset about it too. He said they can come in to talk about that. He said that it's ballsy to ask Howard to do it and it's surprising that Howard is doing it.
Steve Brandano said none of the guys in the back office would ask for that. Gary came in and said that he was annoyed that Howard agreed to do it. Gary said he's annoyed that it's getting done. Jon asked if he's annoyed that Lisa asked. Gary said there are plenty of photographers out there who could have shot the cover. He said that she's playing with him because he's into photography now. Gary said Howard likes photography and he likes Lisa.
Gary said he's not sure why he's angry. Jon asked if he's jealous. Gary said that might be part of it. He said that he didn't ask for a forward to his book but Greg Fitzsimmons did... and he got it. Jon said that Fitzsimmons had to take a lot of crap over that. Gary said he wouldn't want to make Howard uncomfortable doing it.
Gary said that he doesn't have an issue with Lisa. He said it was just this one thing that bothered him. He said that it should be a home run for her and Howard will love doing it.
Jon also brought up the bowling show that Scott is pitching for the channels. Gary said this worked out well for Tim because now he doesn't have to tell Scott no. Howard is the one who doesn't want it. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said that he has a lot of clips to listen to. He said that they had all sorts of madness going on there at that show.
Jon asked Ronnie if he knew that Scott DePace was talking during the show. Ronnie said he told all of them to shut up. They said it was Scott, an intern and Ronnie's girlfriend who were talking. Gary said that he gets what Ronnie was doing and he'd be more upset if he was actually saying it in person to his face.
Shuli told the guys what he told Ronnie to do what he did. He said they asked the audience not to talk during the show and then they look like asshole because they have guests there doing what they just asked the audience not to do.
Ronnie said that Scott got really upset with him. He said that he came back yelling at them. Shuli said that DePace came back stage and yelled at him. Ronnie said if his girlfriend had done that he would have slapped her.
Jon asked Will Murray if he remembers any of that. Will said he doesn't remember a lot of it. He said he did remember some of it. Gary said that Will was talking about eating girl's asses and stuff in the clip. Will said he got down there and just wanted to get crazy. Shuli said he gets that. He said as drunk as he was he was still manageable. He said he didn't have one problem with him the whole night.
Jon said he saw this argument going on in the halls and during the break. Gary said they were yelling out in the hall and every time the door opened you could hear the fight. Gary said Howard could heard it whenever the door opened.
Scott said he thinks that Shuli just saw a chance at air time. Gary asked if the argument is about what they did to him or about how the show sucked. Scott said from his take on it he heard about 45 seconds of material about him. He said that Ronnie addressed his girlfriend too but not for that long. Scott said he admits that he was talking but not that loud. He said that he doesn't have to treat him like an asshole.
Ronnie said that Scott didn't even watch the show when he showed up to the show. He said all he did was talk and drink their beer.
Scott said he had a girl say to him ''Oh I hate you'' and then asked to take a picture with him. Gary said that he came in today and talked about how the show sucked. Gary asked if he would have lied about the show if Ronnie had apologized. Shuli said that's funny because Scott came to him saying that he liked the show and he was having a good time.
Shuli and Scott were yelling at each other about the way they were acting at the show. Scott said they could have come to him like an adult and asked him to stop talking instead of going off on him on stage. Ronnie said they were chanting ''Fuck Scott'' when he brought it up. Scott said they were not. Ronnie said they have it on tape.
Scott asked Will what he thinks of the show. Will said he thought it was pretty good. He said that they had a bar at the show so it makes it feel more relaxed than a regular show. He said he did put some effort into introducing JD and then JD just goes up and mumbles on stage.
Shuli said they let Scott in as a guest and he treated them like that. Will asked Shuli if the audience would rather hear them yelling at each other. Shuli said they don't do a show like that. He said they have in the past but most people want to see a show.
Jon had to cut all of the guys off to take a break. They were in the middle of an argument about how many drinks Scott had.
Jon took a call from a guy who said the whole show they have is a comedy show. He said that they have some jokes but mainly it's like a circus. He said they should have Wack Packers there and not worry so much about the big punch line. Gary said he thinks that this guy is saying that it's a train wreck and that's what they're there to see.
Shuli said the idea of the show was to let the fans come out and see the people from the show on stage. He said they have comedians who come out too. He said that they have no problem with it until Scott shows up. Scott said the VIP area was right where the audience was. Shuli said the VIP area is actually back stage. Scott said he was told where to be out there so that's where he was.
Gary said he saw Ronnie being silly on stage with Scott. Scott said he didn't do it quickly. He said he kept yelling at him and telling him to get out and stop ruining his show. He said all he was doing was standing there. Shuli said he has people come up to him and tell him they wish he could do more time. He said he doesn't have time when someone like Scott is out there talking. He said Scott is a child. Jon had to cut them off because it was time to end the show. They were done at 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking about the new phone system possibly being broken. Howard said he couldn't tell. Gary said he's looking into it now. He said they're trying to figure out what's going on. Howard said they can't get the phones working there even with the new system. Howard said it's simple, they just have to get the phone calls there. He said talk radio has been going on at least 50 years and they can't get the phones to work. Howard said he's looking at a blank screen right now. He said things work better on the TV show Revolution where they have no power. He said they're 7 years in there and they can't get the phones to work.
Robin said that she was watching The Walking Dead and the people are all dirty and aren't wearing custom made outfits like they do on Revolution. Howard said he told JJ Abrams that and JJ thinks he doesn't like the show. He does like the show though.
Howard said he rushes to watch some shows and he had to watch Boardwalk Empire. He said he skipped Homeland for now but he had to watch Sons of Anarchy. He said the end of the show got cut off though. Howard said he watched some of the debate last night too and he thinks that Obama did a good job. Howard said he came off pretty well. Howard said he asked Ronnie if he watched the debate and Ronnie said no. He said Ronnie was watching Gossip Girl.
Howard said this was the third debate and he thinks that by the third of anything they should be in 3D. Howard said that would have kept people interested.
Gary said he was reading polls about the debate last night and they had one where they showed that like 23 percent of the people felt Romney and Obama tied. Howard said he thinks that for those people they should make both of them President. Howard said these undecided people need an opinion. Gary said he was right about that last week when he talked about it.
Howard said if the economy was hustling and bustling then it would be a different story. He said Obama would win hands down. Gary said that's what happened with Clinton. Howard said he left office with a surplus. Howard said Obama is a victim of how fast a recovery we have. Howard said he thinks whoever is elected is going to get credit for the economy improving. He said that could be Romney.
Howard said the debates go very late and he has to get up at 4 in the morning. Howard said he'll vote for whoever promises to cut the debates off at 8. Howard said he thought Romney looked like Pauly Walnuts in last night's debate. He said those sideburns shouldn't be dyed. Robin said the President is getting more grey too.
Howard said he asked Sal about the debates and Sal said that he likes that they wear the American Flag pins so he knows what country they're from.
Howard said he watched FOX News during the debate and they had a box about how many people were tweeting during the debate. He said that was not useful information. He asked who cares about how many people are tweeting. Robin said they pay a lot of attention to Twitter and Facebook for no good reason.
Howard said they had football and baseball up against the debate. He said they should go to a Tuesday night. He said they must have the same person setting that up who scheduled AGT.
Howard was goofing on Ronnie and the way he talks with that New York accent. Howard said his hair dresser heard this clip and she said she'd be afraid to go to the show. Howard played more of the clip and Ronnie was on stage yelling at DePace and the audience started chanting ''Asshole, asshole'' so Ronnie joined in with them too. DePace said the whole crowd was talking. Ronnie was yelling at him and cursing him out. Howard said he's cringing hearing this.
Howard said this is on stage and then back stage they're arguing more. Howard played some of the back stage audio too. Ronnie and DePace were going at each other about the yelling back there. Ronnie said it's a fucking comedy show and Scott was telling him if he has a problem he should have said something to him in private. Ronnie said he's not the comedian there. He said he was trying to clear the air for the comedians. Ronnie said he was yelling at his girlfriend too. He said she can go fuck herself too.
Howard said this is one big angry ball of something. Howard said he worked so hard and now he has Ronnie the Limo Driver out there yelling ''fuck you!'' Howard said you can hear Howard Stern references in the background at the show. He played more of Ronnie and Scott yelling at each other. Howard said it's just one big mess.
Howard said there's no sentence without the F-word in it. He said Ronnie has gone berserk. Robin said they should have vocabulary day with Ronnie to teach him new words. Howard said he just doesn't shut up. Howard played more of the audio and said he's out of control like a big star or something. Howard said he's not sure what this is even about. Robin said he just goes on and on. Howard said this is the edited version too.
Howard played more of Ronnie on stage yelling at DePace. JD was laughing at the whole thing. Ronnie yelled that this was the Ronnie Mund Block Party. JD told him to kick him out. Ronnie said this isn't a social gathering. Then he cursed again. Howard said Ronnie is like the commentator. AT one point he told his girlfriend Stephanie to shut the fuck up. Howard said that's some show.
Howard said all of his guys were acting retarded there. He said Will got drunk and started talking about his wife. Howard played a clip of that and he was really slurring his words and talking about sucking his wife's tits and eating a girl's ass. Howard said he really likes Will and he's talking to Gary about giving him more responsibility. Then he goes and does this.
Howard played more of Will talking about how Howard looks at him and doesn't even know him. Will said there is a group that knows who he is and gives a fuck about him. He was talking to Shuli and saying that there are people who care about him too. He mentioned Shuli's last name and Howard wasn't sure if he pronounced it correctly. Howard played more of the audio and said that the reason he works is to keep these guys employed. Will was saying that he's going to get fired up now. He said he and Jason give a fuck about these people and they deliver a show every week called Back Office Radio. Will said that they deliver with that show too. He said that Howard doesn't give a fuck about them though.
Howard said he wouldn't have an outlet without him. Will told Howard that it was about an on air persona. Will said that's how he's interpreting his idiocy. Howard said he doesn't understand. Will said there are people that Howard likes on air and he doesn't think he fits into that. Howard asked if anyone there wants to work. Will said he does. Howard said the reason Will isn't on the air is because he's not an asshole. Howard said he knows one thing about Will. He said he works hard. Howard told Will to never drink again. Robin said alcohol is not his friend. Howard said he drops 30 IQ points when he drinks.
Howard played more of Will back stage and he was talking about kids and killing kids drunk driving or something. Howard asked what the hell he's talking about. Will didn't even seem to know. DePace asked what he was talking about too. Will said that Scott is driving home.
Howard asked what that drunk driving clip was about. He said it sounds like it's a fantasy of his. Will said it was just a bad joke.
Will said something about loving Jackie the intern too. Howard said he knew Will wasn't father material. He asked what this is about. Will said that this was 5 minutes out of the 15 months he's had his kid. Will was talking about eating someone's ass there. Will said that he would lick her asshole. Shuli thanked him for being honest. Howard said Will might need some marriage counseling. Howard said he should get into that as quick as possible. Howard said Will can't drink anymore. He has to stop with this stuff. Will said it will never happen again.
Howard said the guys here are out of their minds. Howard said Will is the one guy who works back there and that's what he wants him to do. Howard said he should go back there and make him proud.
Howard played more of Will rambling back stage about the Philadelphia Eagles. Will said he's married with a fucking kid... Howard said that's the clip he was talking about. Robin said this is the clip that will be used in the trial.
Howard said Will shouldn't get drunk at functions where there are microphones. Howard said Will is actually a good guy and that's why he's disappointed in him. Robin said he has the highest IQ out of everyone there and that's worthless when it comes to this. She said it certainly doesn't help when it comes to decision making. Howard said he has to pull himself together. He said he's one of his favorite guys there. He said he knows his work and doesn't need to know the person. Howard said he doesn't care to know him after hearing this clip.
Howard said he told Will that he's the best looking guy on staff. He said he asked him why he's rushing to get married and have kids. Howard said he sat him down and talked to him about that. Howard said he's too young to have kids. Howard said Will said he already had his fun. Howard said Ronnie is like 67 and he's back out there having fun again. Howard said fun is like the main thing in life. Howard said if you get married and say you've had your fun then he knows something is wrong with you. Howard said that's like saying you had one really good meal and you don't need to eat again.
Howard said when he was watching the debate last night he saw one of the Romney boys come up and he was thinking that was the one who wanted to punch out the president. Howard said his name is Tag. Howard said that he was upset with him saying ''Tumult'' multiple times. Robin said it was like word of the day for him. Howard said it was like Pee Wee's Playhouse.
Robin said she doesn't think that those two like each other. Howard said they're like DePace and Ronnie yelling at each other. He said that it's so childish to yell about your team like Will was doing.
Howard played some audio of Wolfie asking Will some questions about his Philly teams. Will said he hates New York. Howard cut it off and asked how you can hate a state. He said it's so ridiculous. Howard said it's low life. He said his whole staff is low life and he wants a new staff. Robin said she's questioning those IQ tests.
Howard played more of Will talking to Wolfie about the Philly fans and how they hate New York. Howard said that's his boy Will there.
Howard said that if Will keeps talking like that then he's going to put him on the air with all of the other guys. He said it's the same mentality of those nuts that they've played on the show before. He replayed some of the Sal and Richard interviews with some football fans who yell about the other teams like they're the most hated people in the world.
Howard said that's what Will is like. He played more of Will talking to Wolfie and saying ''fuck New York'' and things like that. Howard asked what's up with that. He wanted to know more because Will lives in New York and works there and makes a living. Will said he was talking about the sports team. He said he loves upstate New York. Howard said that the guys on the teams are tradeable pieces and they're only there to get idiots like him charged up. Howard said that you can get anything you want to eat in the city and it's built on a small island that has beautiful buildings and art all over. He said he sounds like all of the other idiots in the country who wanted New York to go bankrupt. Howard said he's a fucking maniac. Howard told him to get out of there.
Will said there is an arrogance in the city and they think they're better than the rest of the country. Howard said he never felt that. Will said they think about everyone else in the country as being country bumpkins. Howard said he wants Will to write an essay about what's great about New York. He said that it was built by immigrants of all types. Howard said Will can't drink anymore. He said he's so involved with sports teams. He said he has a baby at home with a wife and he's acting like that.
Howard said that Dice Clay did the Chanel commercial too. Howard played the parody where Jay Tesoro was doing his Dice impression.
Howard said they must pay him a lot of money for those commercials. Fred said it was $7 million. Howard said that pays the gas bill at the chateau for a long time. Howard said that's some delivery he has. Howard did an impression of Pitt's sex voice. Howard said he's glad he's a big, dumb asshole. Howard said he's glad he grew that Billy goat beard. He said he can still get laid with that stupid beard. Howard said when he does dumb shit like this it makes you feel a little bit more like a man.
Howard said Saturday Night Live had the biggest ratings with Bruno Mars on the show. Howard said that he was very entertaining. He said that a lot of people must like him because they had millions more watching than usual. Howard said he's a very talented man. Howard said that he thinks that it's too long talking to Mariann now so he has to let her go.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Adam Duritz was good on the show yesterday. Howard said he thought they were fantastic but he got a lot of negative feedback in the email. The caller said that's because they left out some songs in their medley of Abbey Road. Howard said he liked their spin on the songs yesterday. He said he doesn't get the negativity.
Howard let the caller go and played some of the Counting Crows performance from yesterday and said that the audience is out of their minds. He said it was great. Howard sang along and said even when he signs along it's great. Howard said he was swept away with that album when he heard it the first time. Robin said it was mind blowing.
Howard said his parents wondered why he wasn't in his room masturbating. Howard said it proves that all bands should be playing Beatles music and not their own music. Robin told him to stop it.
Howard said he remembers hearing that song for the first time. He said he hates that cunt who took John Lennon's life. He told Benjy this is what real music is. Howard sang along a little bit and let the song play all the way through.
Howard said that Gary and Jon Hein have this relationship that's kind of weird. He said that Jon must be the man in the relationship. He said in this part of the musical Jon and Gary profess their love for one another. Howard played the clip and it's Gary singing to Jon Hein about how he gets a quiver in his balls when he sees him. Jon sings back to Gary about how he loves his knowledge of Sonos. Howard let it play for a few seconds and said he wanted to keep it special for the play.
Howard said Sal is into piss porn and he's thinking of cutting this number out of the musical. Howard played a clip of Sal singing about being a wacky creep and that's why he loves piss porn and stuff. Howard only let that play for a few seconds. Howard said he doesn't want him in the musical. He said it's too creepy. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked what song Fred was playing. Fred told him it was Bruno Mars. He told him that he also wrote that ''Fuck You'' song for Cee-Lo Green.
Howard said they have a rap battle on the show today. He said Jon Leiberman and Sal were arguing about who the better rapper is. Howard said there is nothing sadder than two white guys rapping. Howard said to settle it they brought in DJ Whoo Kid (@DJWhooKid) and Loaded Lux (@iamloadedlux). Howard said DJ Whoo Kid was on tour with 50 Cent for a couple of years.
Howard asked if both guys work for Shade 45. Whoo Kid said that he works for Eminem. Howard said Eminem is still like one of the best out there. Whoo was talking about how the look has changed over the years and now people are wearing skinny jeans.
Howard said that both Sal and Jon Leiberman think that they're better rappers. Howard said that DJ Whoo Kid and Loaded Lux are going to judge them. Howard asked Whoo why he thinks that he's a good judge. Whoo said that he has been DJ'ing for 50 Cent for a lot of years now. He said that he's gotten fired like 22 times but he's still with him. Howard asked how that works. Robin said it sounds like Howard firing Gary. Whoo said that he will fire him on stage in front of 30-40,000 people. Howard asked if he does that to show his masculinity. Whoo said it might make him feel more thugged out. He said he has smacked him around. Howard said Whoo looks like he could handle himself. Whoo said that it's a ''nigga smack'' so it's not that big of a deal. Howard asked what that is. Whoo said it's not a full strength hit. He said that he says he loves you after you get smacked.
Howard asked Whoo what kind of money he can make during a show like that. He said it can be 15,000 a show. Howard said he'd take a smack for that. Howard asked how the women are. Whoo said that he thinks that he's up to about 8,000 women so far too. He said there might be 10 or 12 women listening so he's going to keep that number at 8,000. Howard asked how he keeps count. Whoo said he has one of those clicker things.
Howard asked Whoo if he has a girlfriend. He said he does. He said that she's Japanese and she has to put up with him. Howard asked if he sat her down and told her what it was going to be like. Howard asked if he has ever fucked a chick in front of 50 Cent. Whoo said he's done that. Howard said maybe they should be interviewing his wife instead of Whoo. Howard asked if she's super hot. Whoo said she used to be. Robin asked what he's doing. He said he's been with her for 15 years and it's hard to be hot that long. Whoo said that he has two kids with her. He said they're like Bruce Leroys. Howard asked if the kids look Asian. Whoo said they look crazy Asian. Howard asked if they have kink to their hair. He said one of them does and the other is straight Japanese. Howard said his parents must be wondering what's up with that.
Howard asked Whoo about hanging out with Michael Jackson. Whoo said he had some chicks there but Michael didn't fuck them. Whoo said that he did though.
Howard asked Lux if he's married. Lux said he's on the verge of it. Whoo told him not to get married. Howard said he can't fuck another girl if he gets married. Howard asked if Whoo thought about that when he got married. Whoo said that he got her knocked up accidentally so he married her for that. He said that he's Caribbean and that's what they do. He said you marry the girl if you knock her up. Whoo said that he hasn't fucked her in a while but she makes some strange sounds when he's fucking her. Howard asked if he sleeps in the same bed with her. Whoo said of course he does. He said he has to look normal to her. He said he's home on Tuesday and Wednesday because that's when he works at Sirius. He said he might have to ask Hulk Hogan to sleep with her for him.
Robin asked Whoo if his mother knows what he's up to. Whoo said his father is fucking bitches right now. He said that he takes after him. Howard asked if his dad is on Sirius too because he'd like to listen to his show. Whoo said his dad had some STD the other day and he had to take him to the hospital. He said it may have been Chlamydia or something. He said his dad had to tell him that his dick hurt. Howard asked if he's a cool dad. Whoo said he is fucking bitches so he is cool. He said that he used to shower with both of his parents. He said he wasn't aroused or anything. He said that's what the Caribbeans do.
Howard asked if his mom had a big, hairy bush. Whoo said yes to that. He said it was in the 70s. He said they didn't shave back then. Howard asked if he ever had to wash his parents down. Whoo said there was a smell. Robin said this is the craziest interview they've ever done. Whoo said he felt like it was normal life for him.
Howard said he likes his honesty. He said that Whoo isn't lying about marriage and he's telling the truth about what it's really like. Howard asked if the wife ever asks him to be like a normal guy. Whoo said that it's more like a business. He said that the first two years of marriage they fucked everywhere. He said that they were fucking all over. He said they tried anal once but that didn't go very well. Howard asked if he got shit on his dick. He said she douched down there. Robin said that's not a douche. Howard said he just invented the anal douche. Whoo said that he just saw Alexis Ford do that the other day. Robin said he's freaky.
Howard said that DJ'ing seems to be a good business. Howard asked if he went to high school. Whoo said he went to high school and college. Howard said he seems to be qualified for the judging job today. Howard asked if Whoo and Lux work together. They said they do but Lux said he's learning a lot today. He said he hadn't heard any of this stuff before.
Howard asked if they've ever heard that you can stop a chick from getting pregnant by pouring Coca Cola into the chick when they're done. Whoo said he's heard that.
Howard asked Lux if he's having second thoughts about getting married. Lux said he is getting some perspective today. Howard asked Whoo if he wears condoms with all of these chicks. Whoo said of course he does. Howard said a lot of chicks want to rebel against their parents and religion and stuff. Whoo said that they definitely do. He said he has had a lot of chicks like that.
Howard asked Whoo if he gets any famous chicks. Whoo said that he has had some pretty famous chicks but he didn't want to say who. Howard said it's kind of sad because he has that wife. Whoo said he can't leave his kids for pussy. Howard asked if he would ever stay at a chick's house. Whoo said he has done that and it was for 5 years. Howard asked Whoo if he uses drugs. Whoo said he doesn't do any of that. He said he just drinks Vitamin water. Whoo got a text during the interview and he told Howard it was one of his bitches who said that he was hot and she wanted to fuck. Howard said he might have to do a reality show with him. Whoo said he'd be into that.
Gary told Howard that they had Alexis Ford on the show once and she said that she was banging one of the guys from Shade 45 and she told them that he had a 12 inch cock that was like the size of a baby arm. Whoo said he had never measured the thing but that could be him.
Howard said he has to talk to Loaded Lux too. Howard said they have both agreed to judge this rap battle. Howard said that they'll throw out a random thing for them to rap about.
Howard said that Lux is considered a rap icon. Lux said that he's not sure about that but he'll take it. Howard said that he used to go to clubs and go up on stage and take on any challengers. Howard said that's not easy either. Lux said that he won anything that was televised. He said that's what counts.
Howard said he won against Calico in August of this year. Howard asked what Calico said to him during the rap. Lux said he as in his face and he was spitting and shit. Howard asked if he felt that he was going to lose during that battle. Lux said he didn't. Howard asked Lux if he ever wanted to shoot any of these guys. Lux said he's just into being a showman and that's what he does.
Howard asked Lux to give them a little bit of his rap. Lux told Howard what he said about one guy's father and how he got into some trouble for that. Howard said that didn't sound like an insult to him. Lux told Howard he had rapped about this guy's father not being a gangster. Howard said that doesn't seem like an insult. He'd be happy about that.
Howard said the way they're going to work this today is have the guys evaluate Sal and Jon. Howard asked Jon when he started rapping. Jon said he started in college. Sal said he couldn't even wrap a sandwich. He kept throwing out ''Jew'' references in his insults. Howard told Sal to give him a chance. Jon said he rapped in college about 17 years ago. He said he got the rap name 2 Live Jew back then.
Sal said he stated out in high school and he was Cool the Candy Rapper. Whoo said his dick just shriveled up hearing that name. Sal said that Jon will suck it and make it big again.
Sal and Jon kept throwing out their insults as short raps and they were both pretty lame. Howard said whoever wins this game will bow to the other person. Howard said he's going to throw out a subject for them to rap about. Howard said that Fred has some music to play. He said he'll give Sal a topic and he'll go first. Howard told him to talk about the Jews. Sal started rapping about Hitler throwing the Jews in the ovens and taking all of their money and spending it.
Jon asked what that was. Sal said he wasn't expecting that. Whoo and Lux were saying that was very racial too. Sal said he has to be edgy.
Howard asked Jon if he was ready. Jon said he's ready. Jon started rapping before he got his subject. Howard gave him the subject of Tim Sabean shitting in the bathroom. Jon started rapping and people were laughing. Sal took over and rapped about Tim shitting on the floor. Jon started rapping more about the shitting.
Howard said it's time for the judges to step in. Howard said that was a fierce battle. Jon wanted to say something but Howard cut him off. Howard said maybe they need one more battle back and forth. Sal said he was ready to spit. Howard told Sal to let Jon in when he holds up his hand. Howard gave him the subject of Marriage. Sal rapped about his marriage and how this bitch isn't making it worth while. Then Jon took over and rapped about Sal's marriage. He rapped for a few seconds and then Howard had Sal go again. He had the two of them going back and forth for a couple of minutes.
Howard said that the judges have seen their stuff. Howard said Lux has won every rap battle he's been in and he knows what he's talking about. Howard asked Loaded Lux if rap is over as of today. Lux said no. Howard asked what he thought about this. Lux said he thinks that Sal is a better contention fighter. He said Leiberman is more of an emcee. He said that he can rock the crowd. He said he finds the cadence and rocks it. He said that there was one point when Leiberman got a topic and he let Sal cut him off. He said Sal was good with that retort. He said Leiberman needs to work on that cadence. Lux said on this battle he's going with Sal. Sal said he's ready for round 2 next week and told him to bring Eminem in there.
Howard said they have DJ Whoo up next. Howard said that he's been with Eminem and 50 Cent so he knows what he's talking about. Howard said he's also fucked more than 8,000 women. Whoo said they both horribly suck. He said the movements are equally bad. Howard asked if they're as weird as his wife's. Whoo said they had a couple of big words in their songs. He said that he thinks Sal won this. He said he wiggled a little extra. Howard said he thinks that Sal kind of wiped the floor with Jon. He said he came up with some very witty rhymes.
Howard said Jon has to bow to Sal now. Jon said this is the only time in history that he will get this. He bowed to Sal and Sal was trying to put his cock in his face. Jon threw out another rap and then Howard let Sal and Jon go.
Howard asked Lux if he's rethinking the marriage thing after today. Lux said he's not sure. Howard said he thinks he should wait a few more years. Lux is 28 so Howard told him that he's still young. He said he should give it more time. Whoo told him he's 41 and he knows. He said he should wait.
Howard talked to Whoo a little more about his wife and how he pictures her constantly crying. Howard said that Whoo hates her, the kids hate her and the parents hate her. Whoo said he hasn't had sex with her in like 2 years. Whoo said that he doesn't even fuck her. He just fingers her. He said that's why this arm is bigger than the other. Howard said that's such a weird scene.
Howard said Whoo has a special coming up on Saturday on Shade 45 with The Walking Dead cast. Howard said that Loaded Lux has some stuff available at LoadedLux.co. Howard said you can follow him on Twitter at @iamloadedlux.
Howard said he's going to have these guys back for anything they need to judge in the future. Howard said he's afraid to go back to Shade 45. He said he's afraid something bad will happen back there. Whoo told Howard he got nibbled on (head) back there once. Howard said he's never had that. He said that Whoo is his idol. Robin said she wants to meet his wife. Whoo said he wants Robin to come into the bed. Howard wrapped up with the guys and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he should check the top 5 songs. He said first he has to talk to Bill and Christa Lawrence. Howard said Christa is an actress on Cougar Town. Howard said that he knows Eric the Actor wants another acting role and he might have one for him. Howard said he has to talk to bill and Christa first.
Howard said that Cougar Town is leaving ABC but it's going to a new network. It's going to TBS according to Bill. Howard asked how he pulled that off. Bill said that TBS is part owner of the show so they get some money when it goes to syndication.
Howard said that he did an erotic photo session with Christa and she looked beautiful. Bill said one of the pictures is hanging in his bathroom and the kids will go into his bathroom with their friends. Christa said she was going to take it down but Bill protested. Howard said that it's just a tittie. He said it's art and it's his art. Howard said it's not a big deal to show tittie.
Howard got back to the business at hand. Howard said that Cougar Town is going to be on January 8th on TBS. Howard said when he had Bill and Christa over at his house he asked about Eric the Actor. Howard said the conversation got even stranger because they were open to it. He said that they were thinking that maybe Ronnie would be better. Bill said that they were nice enough to mention the show and they have a very powerful fan base. Bill said that his Twitter is about reading from Ronnie Mund Fans about how he should be on the show. Howard said that Rob Schneider is also a subject of his Twitter. Christa said that Rob said something about Bill first and then bill said he was trying to find something funny in the past 600 movies he's done. Bill said that Rob was commenting about what a shitty show it was so he shot back at him. He said that you don't realize that every fan of yours and every fan of his are going to come at you. Howard said that Rob has done some funny movies. Bill said Rob is a decent guy and he was nice enough to put it to an end so he did as well.
Howard said this seems like a very good career to get into. Howard said Bill and Christa have a nice home. Howard asked how they can become comedy writers. He asked what show he first worked on. Bill said that he did a bunch of crappy shows when he was 21. He said your career changes. He said that he was on shows called Chance and Billy and he had a jacket with the show name ''Billy'' on it and that's his name so it looked pretty odd.
Howard said that Bill Lawrence started the college Sarah Lawrence. Bill said that was actually his great, great grandmother.
Howard asked Bill what else he had to do. Bill said that you bust your ass and write anything you can out there. Howard asked if Spin City was the big one for him. Bill said he got hired at Friends and then he made many friends in Hollywood. He said he got lucky because of that. He said he created Spin City, Scrubs and then Cougar Town. Bill said he created Spin City and Christa was on Drew Carey and he met her there. Howard asked how many dates it took before they had intercourse. Bill said it was a year. He said she was dating someone at the time. Howard asked who she was dating. Christa said that it was the guy who played Miles on Murphy Brown, Grant Shaud. Bill said that he used to ride around on Christa's shoulders.
Christa told Howard that Grant refused to go with her to an event she was going to and that's the event she met Bill at. Bill said that he called her one night and she told him that she was going to date a comedy writer and he thought she was talking about him. Bill said it was very embarrassing. Howard said that this sounds like a great career. Howard said that it could be a good life for his audience members who are unemployed. Howard said that he's lucky he gets to bang Christa. Howard said all he got to do was photograph her.
Howard gave Bill and Christa more plugs for Cougar Town and then got Eric the Actor on the phone. Eric was there and said hello to everyone. Howard told Eric that he has to understand that he talks up Eric at his house when he has guests over. Howard said Eric is always bad mouthing him. Robin said that he won't remember this as long as this phone call lasts.
Bill said that the reason they're happy to do this is because they've been arguing about this. He said that Christa feels that Eric shouldn't be on because of his bad behavior. Howard said Eric is deadly on these shows. Howard said he has to remind them of that. Howard said they won't even show him on camera on the TNA wrestling show he does. Eric said he was on Skype. Howard said he couldn't see him.
Howard said they have to be prepared for the hassle of getting Eric to the job. Howard said then you have to worry about his soda and all of that. Howard asked if he's going to be a nightmare and threaten to sue people over soda. Eric said he will not.
Howard asked Bill and Christa about Ronnie. Christa said that Ronnie is always very professional when she sees him. She said that last week Eric called Howard a jackass so she's not sure he should get this job. Bill said that they're trying to promote the show and Christa is using this to teach Eric a lesson. Howard said Bill will write this part for either Eric or Ronnie. Howard said he believes that the person should get a make out scene with Christa. Bill said he would probably feel okay about that with Ronnie. Howard said that they should have something hot go down. Christa said maybe Courteney should have to do that. Bill said they could have her make out with Courteney.
Ronnie came in and said he's ready to go. Ronnie said that this guy MundFanNetwork on Twitter has been pushing for this. Bill said that he feels he owes Ronnie for the work that his people have done. Bill said that they're just deciding if Eric has behaved in a way that deserves this.
Howard asked Christa if she would make out with a guy who has a Wild Bill moustache. Christa said she's married on the show but she's willing to do anything that Bill wants her to do. Bill said that he isn't sure what this role will be yet. He said it depends on which one of the guys they pick to be on. Bill said that he'll make it more than one line too. Howard said maybe they could be a gay couple and both Ronnie and Eric could be on together.
Howard asked Eric if he would play gay on TV. Eric said the answer is no. He said he will not play a gay role. Howard asked Ronnie if he would play it. Ronnie said he would. Bill said that you should be prepared to play any role on a show. He said it could mean playing gay.
Howard asked Eric what kind of role he's thinking about. Eric said maybe it would be a new neighbor or something. Howard said maybe Christa could have a baby and Eric could be the baby. Bill said that he'd have to be willing to do some wardrobe type things like wearing a diaper. Eric isn't into that. He said he won't play a baby. Robin said he's the worst actor ever. He's only willing to play certain parts.
Bill said that Ronnie as a performer isn't closing any doors. He said he's keeping every option open. Bill said he's never met an actor who has worked less and had so many demands like Eric.
Howard threw out and idea for Eric to play Christa's ex-boyfriend and it proves that she wasn't that hot in high school. Eric said he would play that part. Howard asked Eric if he would wear a parrot costume and play Christa's parrot. Eric said no. Ronnie said he would do that. He said whatever they want. Ronnie said he doesn't give a shit.
Howard asked Eric why he wouldn't play a parrot. He didn't get a chance to answer. Bill told Howard that he has friends out there who are struggling to get roles and he has one friend who had to do a hemorrhoid commercial. Eric said he won't play an animal. He said he has to play a person. Ronnie said he'll play any part they want him to.
Robin asked Eric if he could play the Scarecrow or the Lion in The Wizard of Oz. Eric said he would do that. Howard said that Eric could see Christa naked or something. Christa said their food truck is full of soda too. She said they have plenty of Pepsi.
Howard said Bill has said that the name of the show has hurt it. Bill said that he thought the name was a good hook for the show but they ditched the whole idea of Courteney chasing younger dudes about 3 episodes in.
Howard asked Eric if he would play the part of a guy who wants to be breast fed by Christa. Eric said he'd have to think about that. Ronnie said they don't even have to ask him that. He's ready to go now.
Howard asked Eric if he would pick up dog shit as a role. Bill said that they have a giant dog on the show so it would be huge piles of shit too. Howard asked Eric if he would play that character. Eric said he would play that part. Bill said that he's not going to go out of his way to humiliate Eric but he should be ready to do anything.
Howard said that he's going to let Ronnie and Eric say their piece and then let Bill and Christa go through the thought process.
Ronnie said that he's been promoting the show and he's up for doing anything. That was about it. Ronnie said he was on the Vicky Lawrence show years ago. Howard said he kept off any acting experience that he's done because it could only embarrass him.
Howard let Eric say his piece. Eric said that he has been on a couple of TV shows and he has had some screen time. Ronnie said he has too. Eric said even though a certain actor from TV considers him an extra he is not. He said he is an actor. Eric said he's also working with TNA Wrestling and they should have another video to show. Ronnie also threw in that he did a major movie with John Stamos that will be out in March.
Howard said now it's up to Bill and Christa. Howard said that they don't make this decision in a cavalier way. Howard said that this puts food on their table. Christa said she doesn't have the authority to cast the show. She said she's going to give it to Bill. Christa said that she understands Eric's life and limitations and she feels bad about that. Howard said from his point of view Eric is more interesting to watch on the screen. Howard said it's a train wreck and you know it's going to be awful. He said Ronnie is a real weirdo and it would be interesting to see him. Christa said that he's been good to them too. She said she likes to reward good behavior.
Howard asked Eric if he would play the victim of pedophilia. Howard said he would be in court testifying against the guy who did it to him. Eric said no. Howard said he's surprised he wouldn't play that part. Eric said he doesn't look like a kid. Howard said he'd be older and it was years ago that it happened. Eric told him to quit throwing that stuff out there. Howard said he's just kidding around with this.
Howard asked Eric if he'd play the part of someone with a bomb around his neck and his head explodes. Eric said no. Howard said he has played that part on Fringe. Christa and Ronnie said they would play that part. Howard asked if he would play a talking fire hydrant. Eric said no. Howard asked if he would play it if the character fucks Christa. Eric said no. Ronnie said he would play that part.
Bill said that they have a dog on the show that's big enough for someone to ride around on. Eric said he would do that. Howard asked if Eric would play a former Nazi who was responsible for killing the most Jews in World War II. Eric said no. Ronnie said it's just a part. It's not like he's actually killing the Jews.
Howard said Bill and Christa have heard all of this so they have to decide now. Bill said that Ronnie has been helping the show and he's built up his name with the block party. Howard said that he doesn't think this is going well for Eric. He asked if he would play an angry midget who looks like a plucked chicken. Eric said no.
Bill said that if Eric behaves long enough he will leave it open to give him a part but this first part will be for Ronnie. Bill said Eric has to earn the part. Howard told Eric he has to be nice to him. Robin said he talked himself out of the part. Howard asked if he's upset about this. Eric said ''not really.''
Bill told Ronnie that he would prefer slightly less than 1000 tweets a day. Ronnie thanked them for that. Bill said they'll call Ronnie this week to find out what his schedule is so they can set it up.
Howard gave Bill and Christa more plugs for Cougar Town and told them to go back to doing whatever it is they do. Robin said that Eric talked himself out of the role. Howard said that you just say yes to any role that they throw at you. Christa said that you tell your agent that you're willing to do anything and then you decide when you get the offers. Robin said that they should have Ronnie and Eric go up against each other for every role from now on. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said the third debate was a little bit boring last night. Howard said that Mitt Romney is on the phone. Howard said he's wondering how he thinks he did. Howard picked up and Mitt (Mike MacRae WeApprovedThisMessage.com) said he clearly won. Mitt said that he thinks that it's clearly in his favor. Robin said the papers are saying Obama won. Mitt said that there is no way he can lose unless people see how stupid the shit he's saying really is.
Mitt said the only question now is what he should do with the Obamas when he's in. He said they can stick around and be the house servants there. He said there will always be a place for them there.
Howard asked Mitt if there are any statements he would like to make to his audience to get them to vote for him. Mitt said he wanted to clear up a few things. He said he has zero percent of the black vote so he wants to speak to them. He said they have nothing to fear because he can't fire them... because none of them have a job. He said that he will also replace high level CEOs with Mexicans and pay them very little.
Howard said he feels that he's under stress because of the grey hair on his sideburns. Mitt said that it does take a toll on your hair. He said he'd hate to lose his hair in 4 years and look like Scott DePace. Howard said he's his biggest supporter so don't bad mouth him. Mitt said that was just a joke.
Howard asked how Paul Ryan is doing. Mitt said that Paul is doing well and keeping up with that P90X or whatever that is. He said he's nude in the room working out whenever he walks in.
Howard asked Mitt to talk to his audience. Mitt told Howard what he stands for and how he would hate for one of his sons to be in the military and have to bunk with a homosexual. He said the chance of one of his sons going into the military is about as good as JD scoring with Mila Kunis at an SNL after party.
Howard asked Mitt if he's for or against Chick-Fil-A. Mitt said he's with them and he thinks that his voters would rather see him eat there than eat at Popeye's if you know what he means.
Howard asked Mitt about the binders of women that he has. Mitt said he has binders and boners. Howard said Mitt has a campaign slogan for them. Mitt said that he had a couple. One of them was about how he was going to help the middle class by eliminating them completely. Howard said that he has been good at calling into the show. Howard said he might have to vote for him but then again he's said so many absurd things that he isn't sure if he should.
Howard wrapped up with Mitt and said he's a terrific guy. Mitt said Howard is too. Howard said he thinks that Obama has done a good job with foreign policy. Mitt said that things with Iran aren't very good right now. They spent a minute on that. Howard was about to let him go and Fred played ''Hail to the Chief.'' Mitt said he's going to get used to that song. Robin said she's not sure if she's buying that he's going to win. Howard said he thinks he has it locked up.
Howard played a clip of a howling dog that they found on the internet. Howard asked if Robin could live with that. Robin said absolutely not. The sound was horrible. Howard said that's what he imagines Whoo Kid's wife sounding like.
Howard said that Jeff the Drunk called in and left a message for Gary about how upset he is that they didn't celebrate the anniversary of his first time on the show or his mangled arm. Howard played the clip and Jeff was saying that it's the 24th anniversary of his car accident. Jeff said that the following Friday was his anniversary of appearing on the show. He asked what's up with that. He said the least they could do is give him a call.
Howard picked up on Jeff and said that no one cares about his anniversary of calling in. Howard said that they don't keep track of that. Howard asked why Jeff would even keep track of that. Jeff said it's also his sister's birthday. Howard said he was drunk driving. Jeff said he wasn't driving. Howard said he was drunk though. Jeff said he wasn't the one driving. He said that his friend wasn't drunk and he still got into an accident. He said a deer jumped out in the road.
Jeff said he has some ideas to come on the show. He said he could do Stump the Drunk with some country music. Howard said he has to go. He wished him a happy anniversary. Howard said all of these guys need attention. He said Ass Napkin Ed, Jeff and Will all need attention.
Jeff asked if they're going to have him down to pain the naked chick. Howard said he doesn't know when that's going to happen. Jeff said he hasn't been in the studio in a long time. Howard said they have to think about what they can do with him.
Howard said Jeff never comes up with any ideas. Gary said they're all about country music. He said the audience isn't as familiar with it. Howard said no one cares about country music. Howard let Jeff go after that.
Howard played a commercial that Michael Vick did for Mitt Romney. Howard read some email about yesterday's show when Big Foot Jr. was on. Howard said that people really liked him on the show. Howard said people liked Ronnie at the race track too. Howard said that they're doing a big Howard TV special about that. Robin asked if Jon Leiberman really thinks that he can rap. Howard said he apparently does.
Howard said a lot of people were interviewed about him being handsome and people thought he wasn't. Howard said some people in the email think he is though. Howard read an email from someone who told him how hot he is. Howard said that was a real fan who knows his beauty.
Howard said a lot of people were angry with him yesterday. He said he was upset and angry at 6am. He said he tried to express that to Robin and people went off on him. Howard read what the mailers were saying about that. They were telling him to stop bitching about that stuff.
Howard read one email from someone who felt bad for him. The writer said that they try to enjoy things in the moment instead of expecting to be happy all the time.
Howard said there was a lot of anti-Scott DePace stuff. Howard said he won't get into that. Howard said there were people asking him to not pick up on Eric the Midget anymore. Howard said that people wrote in about Counting Crows. He read a couple of those. Howard said that Robin also got some nice feedback about how she's been on the show lately.
Howard read that Adele gave birth to a baby boy. Howard said that she will look good again when she loses her baby weight... her cheeseburger weight and other food weight.
Howard said he read about Robert Kennedy trying to walk out of the hospital with his baby to give it some fresh air. Howard said that the hospital staff is saying that he assaulted him. Howard said that he should wait at least two weeks before doing that to the staff.
Howard said they're taking everything away from Lance Armstrong. Robin said she's so upset about that whole thing.
Howard said that Chris Jenner tweeted out a nip slip of herself. Howard said that he'd be humiliated if his mother did that. Howard did his impression of his mother talking about accidentally tweeting out a nip slip. Howard said that's so embarrassing. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Robin started her news with a story about Rod Stewart's new book. Howard said he read some of the excerpt of Pete Townshend's book and it looks interesting. He said that he thought about having sex with Mick Jagger at one point. Howard said he thought that it was very well written and he thinks that Pete actually wrote it himself. Howard said Pete describes doing a show at the Monterey Pop Festival and people thought that Jimmy Hendrix burning his guitar was ripping them off but Pete said that it was Jimmy taking it to a new level and making it his own. Howard said he read about how Keith Richards was doing a windmill thing back stage as a warm up and Pete saw it happening so he imitated it and took that and made it his own. Howard said Pete has a lot of anecdotes like that in the book. Robin asked why Pete hates Roger Daltrey so much. Howard said that Pete is an amazing guy talking about how much pressure he was under writing songs for the band and how he didn't want to let anyone down. Howard said he comes off really humble. Howard said the book was very well written too.
Robin read more about the Rod Stewart book and Howard said he read some excerpts from that too. He said that Rod talks about that rumor of his stomach being full of cum and how that got started. Howard said it was apparently started by a publicist who was trying to get him back. Howard said Rod didn't seem too upset about it. Robin and Howard spent a few minutes talking about Rod and his wives over the years.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he thinks that Rosie O'Donnell would be a good judge on America's Got Talent. Howard said he does. Howard said he has a list of people who would be good but no one has asked his opinion. Howard said he wanted Sharon to stay with the show but everyone ignored that. Howard said it's not his show so he doesn't get to call the shots. Howard said it's liberating to not have that control but then again it's maddening too.
The caller asked if they would ever have Tool in the studio to perform live. Howard said no. He said that they snubbed him when he was doing the Private Parts soundtrack. Howard said they did a cover of a Led Zeppelin song and he reserved 11 minutes on the album for them and then they took it away at the last minute. Howard said he had the whole thing mapped out and they took it away. The caller asked if he's a fan of their music. Howard said he is. Fred is too but Fred said that it was a shitty thing they did.
The caller asked if Robin is going to do the Veducation thing when she's better. Howard said she will be doing that. Howard said that she will have a book coming out.
Robin asked if Howard has decided if he's staying with AGT. Howard said he has not. He said he's in talks. Howard said he'd have free time if he didn't stay. He said then he'd miss the show if he didn't go back. Howard said he's having discussions in his head about all of this. Howard said he's never met a guy who knew less about himself than himself. Howard said he's undecided on this whole thing like some voters are on the election.
Robin read a story about Superman's character giving up his job at the newspaper in the comics. Howard said it's very confusing with the time line of that character. Howard did a live commercial read a short time later.
Robin read about a man who ate his own finger after taking some drugs. Robin said that the guy was allegedly under the influence of PCP. Howard said that he is a survivor of drugs. He said he did so many when he was younger and he never ate anyone. He said he never attacked anyone either. Howard said it ain't the drugs. Robin said this guy started screaming and pounding his fists on cars. Robin said that they had him cleared and then he started chewing on his own wrists. He also defecated in the cruiser and bit off one of his fingers and swallowed it.
Howard read about a tour of Israel with Mike Huckabee. Howard said this is a real thing. He said that you can go to Israel with Mike and Tony from Tony Orlando and Dawn. Howard asked JD if he had the audio from that web site. JD said he did. Howard played a clip where they had some people talking about the trip and what they're doing it for. Howard read some details about the trip and what it costs. Howard said it's $4,085 with pretty much everything included. He said they say that soft drinks are not included though. Howard said they have a photographer and videographer who will create a book for you to remember the trip. Howard said he's afraid to go to Israel. He said he's afraid to go to Italy... or even California. Howard said he's not sure why he's so afraid. Gary asked what he fears about Italy. Howard said he's afraid of dying on the plane or getting abducted by bandits or something. Gary said he took his whole family there and it was one of the greatest experiences he's ever had. Howard said he would love to do that but he can't. Howard said his kids travel everywhere and they love it. Howard said he hated going to Cannes that time he went there. Robin said he couldn't wait to get home. Howard said he went to Monaco too and that was kind of nice. He said he'd rather just stay in his hotel room though.
Robin read about cheer leading being considered a sport in high school. Robin said that they are saying that they should have physicals before performing. Howard said that things are different these days. They're doing unbelievable gymnastics. Robin said that they do fall out of those pyramids they make. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin asked Howard if he ever kissed his dog. Howard said he wasn't into that but Beth was. Howard said he would kiss her on the top of the head. Howard said he knew that she wasn't going to last very long. He said that he would only kiss her on the top of the head. Howard said he won't even kiss humans on the lips. Robin said they found that dog mouths are rife with the kind of bacteria that can set human teeth on edge. Robin said they said that this can cause dental problems. Howard said he's told Beth that but she doesn't stop. Howard said she has this TV show coming out and he's seen some of the footage. He said she was making out with a pig in one scene. Howard said he tried talking to her about that and how she's his sex object and she's kissing a pig. Howard said he asked her to stop it. Howard said she went to a ferret convention and he warned her that Mark Coppola had his nose bitten off by one. He said that they're like rats. He said they will just bite you because they hate you. Howard said she promised not to put them near her face but he has seen pictures of her kissing a ferret. Howard said she thinks it's cute. Howard said maybe she'll read this study that Robin has. Robin read more about the dog thing and how there are fecal remnants in there because the dogs lick themselves to clean. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read about the LAX body scanners that they're going to stop using. Robin said that they were making images of people's bodies that people thought were too detailed. Howard said he doesn't want that. Howard said he wouldn't fly if they did that to him. Robin said the new scanners use radio waves and they will show a general body image and point out where things are.
Robin read about how they found a body of who they think is a missing 12 year old girl in Gloucester County, New Jersey. Robin said that they presume that it's the missing girl. Robin said he can't imagine that happening to someone's little girl. She said there are no suspects in the case.
Howard tried taking a couple of calls but people weren't answering. Robin read a story about Mike McCready from Pearl Jam speaking out about Crohn's disease and affordable care. Howard said that band is very political.
Robin read about Chris Christie campaigning for some people running for senate. Robin said he was campaigning for Linda McMahon in Connecticut. She had some audio of Chris Christie that she had Howard play. Howard said if he was Vince McMahon he'd be upset that his wife is spending so much money on the election.
Robin read about Tom Hanks revealing that he supported Newt Gingrich for a while. Robin had some audio of Hanks talking to Dave about why that was. He wanted to go to the moon when Newt said he would have a manned base there.
Robin read about the unveiling of a smaller iPad that will be happening. Robin said that the stock was soaring on Monday because of that. Howard said he's not sure he wants a smaller one. Howard said he likes the size of his iPad. Howard said he likes that bigger screen but then again he would like to carry one in his man purse. Howard said Ralph is convinced that he'll need it though. Robin said that they're saying this new iPad should have a 7.8 inch screen and it will compete with the 7 inch pads that other companies have out now. Howard asked Jon Hein what he's doing. Jon came in and said that he will get the Mini. Howard said he's shocked. Jon said he has no reason why. Howard said he watches a lot of TV on his iPad. Howard said he isn't sure why he'd want to see it on a smaller screen. Jon said Ralph complains that his is too heavy. Jon said that it's not supposed to be anything special other than being smaller. He said he's not sure if they'll have 4G on it or just Wi-Fi. Howard said he's not sure what he's going to do. Howard said he uses his iPad to beat off. He watches porn on it. He said he hasn't beaten off in a couple of months. He said he feels good too. He said he's not ready to swear it off though.
Robin read a story about an 8 year old girl who was shot when she was mistaken for a skunk. Howard said ''Oh come on.'' Robin said they say the little girl was having a Halloween party in the back yard and someone thought they saw a skunk and they got a gun and shot it. It turns out it was this little girl. Howard said that's ridiculous. Howard asked who shot her, Mr. Magoo? Robin said the whole family is devastated by the shooting.
Robin read about a girl who drank two Monster Energy drinks and went into cardiac arrest and died. Robin said the woman is suing the energy drink maker. She drank 48 ounces of the drink though. Howard asked why people are shooting skunks anyway. Robin said they must have been afraid it was going to screw up the party. Robin had some audio of this woman talking about the Monster Energy thing. Howard said he thinks that drinking 48 ounces of anything would give you a heart attack. Robin said her mother knew enough not to let her drink coffee when she was a kid. Howard said she didn't have rules for anything else. Just coffee. Robin said that everyone knew it wasn't good for kids back then.
Robin read some details about last night's debate and had some audio clips to play.
Robin read about how the oldest survivor of Auschwitz has died. Robin said that he was 108 years old. Robin said he lasted a really long time.
Robin said that Ellen Degeneres was honored at the Kennedy Center Honors. Howard said he thinks that Jimmy Kimmel gave her the award. Robin said he was there. Howard said he heard he was in town for that. Robin had some audio of Ellen talking about the award. Robin said she won the Mark Twain award for comedy. Robin mentioned some of the other people who were there.
Robin had some audio of Halle Berry talking about the costume she's wearing to go out with her daughter on Halloween. She was on Jay Leno's show last night talking about that. Howard wondered if Jay even pays attention to what his guests are saying. Howard did his impression of Jay talking to her about that. Howard said Jay is a fucking idiot. He said he hates Jay. Howard wondered when he's going to retire. He said he just takes pay cuts to stay at work. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:30am.
Jon asked Sal where he draws the line on the things he'll do. Sal said he once pitched an idea to be on Breaking Bad with Bryan Cranston and he has to draw the line at kissing a man. He said he would not make out with High Pitch Mike. Jon asked why kissing a man is out of the question. Sal said it's easy to kiss a piece of skin but swapping spit is a different story. He said that making out is an act of passion. He said that would make him vomit. Jon asked why kissing his testicles isn't an act of passion. Sal said it kind of is but it's easier than making out. Sal said he would kiss Gary's balls but not make out with him.
Jon asked Sal and Jon Leiberman what went on today. Leiberman said he didn't play to his own talents today. He said he needed to outsmart Sal and he's disappointed that he didn't pull that off. Sal said that it's all a joke to him. He said that his foreskin was a travesty growing up and he turned that into something. He said that this rap thing also turned into something comedic and fruitful. Jon said he thinks that Sal really believes he can rap.
Leiberman said that he doesn't understand why Sal's cock has to come out every time. Gary said when it's not you it's the funniest thing in the world. Leiberman said he didn't like it.
Gary asked if either of them have heard a rap record made after 1985. Sal said he hasn't. Gary said he was almost like a border line minstrel show. Sal and Jon were both going back to the days when they were doing that stuff in school.
Jon asked how the judges were reacting. Sal said their faces would go pale when they were rapping. Leiberman said that the judges were great. He said they were egging them on and they were the best part of the whole thing. Gary said that they broke it down and discussed what they were doing and who did what better. Sal said he'd like to be a guest on their show and throw down with Eminem or something.
Jon said that the guys in the back were saying that Leiberman was the worst rapper they've ever heard. Leiberman admitted he had a horrible performance. He said he fell flat today. Leiberman said that he hopes that the audience had a few laughs that they wouldn't have had. Jon said they did.
Steve Brandano said he didn't hear Leiberman rhyme anything. He said he was rooting for him but it was really bad. Gary said that Sal liked that Lux was in there and he rhymed ''sucks'' with that a bunch of times.
Sal was explaining how he came up with the lines for the Tim Sabean shitting thing and how Tim came up to him after the bit, put his arm around him and told him that he was sick that day. Sal said he was just doing a freestyle rap.
Leiberman said he had a bunch of stuff written that rhymed with Jew but he just wasn't able to make it happen. Gary said he thinks that they're going to break so he'd like Leiberman to get his papers and give them a Jew rap. Steve asked if anyone there thinks that the rap will be good. Everyone said no. Sal said he has to go to a writer's meeting so he has to get out of there. He did a few bad raps before getting out of there. They went to break a short time later.
Will said he was just awful. Ronnie said he was so nervous that he was scratching his forehead like a cat. Leiberman said that he raps in the shower so he's used to doing it.
Jon asked what Leiberman did to prepare for this. Leiberman said that he had a bunch of words that would rhyme with ''Jew'' and went through them. Leiberman said that he was ready to go with a rap to go along with his rap name. He rapped a song about Sal. Ronnie said his poetry is better than that. Leiberman said it is not and did another rap. They let him keep going for a minute. Gary said he wanted to get his Member's Only jacket and hop in a Delorean. Leiberman did another rap and Steve Brandano asked him to apologize to rappers everywhere.
Jon asked if this is like Grillo wanting to be an actor and how he eventually realizes that he can't really do it. Steve said it's more like Eric the Actor walking. It's never going to happen.
Ronnie asked Jon if he's feeling okay. He said he looks pale. Leiberman said that he actually isn't feeling 100 percent.
Jon asked why Eric refused to not take those parts that they threw out there for him. Gary said Eric thinks he's above them.
Jon took a call from a guy who did a rap of his own for Leiberman. Jon cut him off and went to another call. The next caller said he was so happy when he heard that audio clip of Leiberman ready to shit his pants in the pace car. He said that he hates the guy. The caller said he can't even listen to Leiberman's voice. Ronnie asked if he wanted to start a hater's club with him. The caller said that would be awesome.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that the block party shows are really kind of weird. He said that he's black and he gets the feeling that they're kind of racist or something. Gary asked if they're saying racist and sexist things or is it just his feeling. The caller said that Shuli is the most hard core guy out of the guys. He said that he has a routine about talking about black jokes. Gary said that a lot of comedians talk about race and sexism. He asked if it's really racist and sexist or is it just a feeling. The caller said he was at the San Francisco show. Ronnie said he doesn't buy this at all. He said they say hello to everyone and Leiberman can attest to that. Leiberman said they are always very good with the fans.
Jon asked Ronnie if he thinks that Howard is changing his mind about the block party. Ronnie said he'll go with whatever Howard says. He said if he wants to shut it down then he'll shut it down.
Ronnie said they go out and hang with the fans and take pictures with them. Gary said that he doesn't think that they've ever said they had an act to do. He said they're not really misrepresenting themselves. Ronnie said they are just doing their thing and not putting on an act. He said he and JD are just hosting a show.
Jon asked Will about the way Howard was going off on him today and what he was saying about New York. Will said he was just talking about how arrogant New York City seems to be. Will said that no one around there wants to disappoint Howard. He said when you do then it's disappointing. He said that he was out of his mind that night and they just happened to have microphones around. Gary said that Howard immediately sees the weakness and goes after it. Will said there's no doubt that Howard is the best.
Gary said there are people who do shows there who don't feel that their shows are appreciated enough. He said that might be why Will brought up some of the stuff he brought up. He said that Howard might not listen to some of the shows they do. Will said that he's not even sure what to say. They had to take another break a short time later.
Jon asked what happened to his other show that he was supposed to do. Ronnie said those guys told him that they had a deal with Showtime and they never did. He also said that they told him he did great in his script read but then later heard he thought it was shit and they were only doing it for publicity. Ronnie said he felt like he was being used.
Jon said that Ronnie did do that movie with Stamos and Rappaport. Ronnie said he hasn't seen it yet but he hasn't had to time to check it out. He said hopefully it'll be good. Jon asked f he would like to be an actor. Ronnie said he wouldn't want to be just an actor. He said he likes being there and he likes the arguing and fighting there. He likes working there and that's his thing.
Jon asked if he's afraid that the whole thing is going to come crashing down one day. Ronnie said it will but all good things come to an end.
Jon asked Ronnie if he felt bad for Jon Leiberman today. Ronnie said he knows he was nervous. He said if you go back and look at the footage of his forehead you'll see how much he was scratching. He said it looked like a cat attacked his head. Ronnie said that has to be nerves. Jon asked if he thinks that he can rap better than Leiberman. Ronnie said no to that.
Jon asked how much longer the block party is going to go on. Ronnie said they're booking shows left and right and he's really excited about the Atlantic City show.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Robin sounded smitten with the rappers that were in the studio. He said that she was acting kind of flirty. Jon said he's not sure she'd be into him but she was doing her flirty radio voice. Ronnie said that he thinks they were just good guests and that's what Robin is into. Ronnie said that they were really good on the show today. Jon and Ronnie ended the show a short time later. They were done at 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about why his voice is so deep. He said he was up at about 2:30 this morning and wasn't able to fall asleep. He said he's miserable and tired. Howard said he goes to bed around 8:30 or 9 and then he's up at 2. He said when he's not working he will get up and get on the computer and eat. Then he goes back to sleep.
Howard said he's been watching Homeland lately and it's getting good. He said he thinks that they're going to turn the guy double agent.
Howard said he made an appointment with his eye doctor. He said he can't see anything with those glasses. He said he has to change them. Robin said she didn't think he needed them for reading. Howard said the computer screens are a certain distance and then he has to read paper and he has to take the glasses off. He said he has to leave that place. Howard said he had contacts from the age of 14 to 18 but then he gave up on them.
Howard played a song for Robin and asked who she thinks it is. Howard said this is a cover of Ruby Tuesday from the Rolling Stones. He said the woman is someone who isn't known for signing usually. Robin listened to it for a few seconds and asked if she's a big star. She asked if she's in movies. Howard said she's probably better known for TV. Howard let it play a little longer and then said he has another song. He said that she's a Donovan fan too. She performed ''Catch the Wind'' so Howard played that one too. Howard said she had a musical career before TV. Robin asked a few more questions and said she knows the woman's name. She said it was Jill Hennessy. Howard said it was Helen Thomas the anti Semitic press lady. Then he said it was Lisa Lampanelli. He was joking again. Robin asked if it was Julia Louis Dreyfus. Howard said it wasn't her either. Howard said she used to have a solo career and she was a pretty serious artist. Howard said most people wouldn't know that though.
Robin asked who that is. Howard said it's Katey Sagal. Howard said she has a great voice. He said she's coming in today too. Howard said she used to do back up singing for some big performers. Will came in with the list of singers that she used to work with. It was a big list of big performers. Howard said she used to do that and she was on Married with Children and she was also the girlfriend of one of the guys on Lost. Howard said she was the girlfriend of Locke. Howard said he stopped watching at some point so he missed that.
Howard said he's a big fan of Sons of Anarchy and Katey is on that show. Her husband created it. Howard said Kurt Sutter is the guy's name and he plays out these demonic fantasies with her. He said that he has her blowing guys or getting beat up. Howard said it's crazy stuff. Howard said they had her blowing a guy in a recent episode. Howard said he has to ask about that.
Howard said maybe Kurt is into watching her with other dudes like Bubba. Howard said that there's a new sex tape out and it's Ronnie the Limo Driver. Howard played the bit and it was clips of Ronnie making weird sounds added to a porn clip. Howard said that was at Bubba's house but not with Bubba's wife. Howard said Bubba drew the line at Ronnie.
Howard played the clip where Ronnie was talking to Leighton and she said she never dates older guys. She said she's 26 and Ronnie asks ''How old is the guys you date?'' She said they're 26. Howard and Robin picked Ronnie apart over that sentence. Leighton was talking about guys she's dated who were older. She said one guy was 37 and he had been engaged a few times. She said she wasn't sure she was ready for that. Howard said he was ready to throw up when he heard this. He said now Ronnie is in there with the guests. Howard said he hasn't really heard Jon's show yet. He said that he wants to bring Jon up on charges for that though.
Howard said a lot of people are happy about the Howard Stern musical they're putting together. Howard said they will have a Broadway musical for the show. Howard said that Fred is working with the other guys on this. Howard said Gary's dentist is going to invest since he has made a fortune off of Gary. Gary was in the studio and reminded Howard that he's there. He said they just added a new Will Murray song this morning too. Howard said he knew he was going to play a song. Gary said that he added one after the song he played for him this morning.
Howard said he told the guys if they want to make money they should put their money into this and back the musical. Howard said he thinks this is going to be a big hit. Howard said Robin can invest but she hasn't made a song yet. Robin said she will be a silent investor.
Howard said in the first scene in the play they have Gary and Jon Hein having a bromance. He said the musical reflects on real life. Howard said that Jon and Gary go to functions together and they're all wrapped up in one another. Robin said she took Gary to see Steely Dan and he brought Jon Hein with them. Gary asked Howard why he's saying that he and Jon slept in the same bed in the room they stayed in. Howard said they're two separate beds but they're pushed together. Howard said he built that room for his parents and the beds are pushed together because that's what they like. Howard said that Gary could have blown Jon very easily. Howard said Gary has a connection with Jon more than he does with his wife.
Howard said Gary's wife doesn't even give him the good parts of the chicken. Howard said he read about a guy who killed his wife for doing that to him. He said it was in some other country where it's against the law to give you the worst part of the chicken. Howard said the guy just killed her and he was found innocent. Howard said he's just sayin'...
Howard said in the opener of the musical they have Jon and Gary singing to each other. He played the song that he played yesterday. He said that these are just teasers so he won't play the whole song. Then he played some of Sal's song where he sings about liking to piss on women. Howard said he's going to cut that song from the musical.
Howard played a new one from Scott the Engineer where he sings about screaming ''bullshit'' on the show all the time. Howard said Fred could play Scott in the musical. He played some of Fred doing that. He was singing about Scott not getting his job done and that's why Tim thinks he's a jerk. Then Scott comes in and sings along with Fred. Howard asked how he got back in there.
Howard said Will Murray is going to be in the play too. He said Will had a breakdown at Ronnie's Block Party and he was screaming about how he doesn't know him. Howard played that song too. Will sang about all of the things he does on the show and how he just wants Howard to notice him. Will was singing about how he was loaded and got driven home by Scott DePace. He also mentioned how he talked about hating New Yorkers.
Howard said he may cut that song from the musical too. He said he's not sure that the general audience out there will care but the hard core fans will. Howard said they continue to work on this musical and they are getting there.
Howard said he has a clip of Tim shitting all over the bathroom. He said they have a reenactment of this whole thing on Howard TV. He said they have theories about how it happened. Howard said Psych did a song about Tim's shitting and breaking his ribs on his motorcycle. Howard played that song and said he loves that song.
Howard said people were fascinated about Tim breaking his ribs standing up on his motorcycle. He said they're confused about him shitting all over the bathroom too. Howard said none of that makes sense. He played another song parody about Tim's dirt bike accident. that was Psych again. Howard said he had one from Daniel Mendelson too. He loved that song too.
Howard said that when Van Halen was looking for their third singer this guy Mitch Malloy auditioned for the part. Howard said he has the tape of the audition. Howard said this guy was almost the lead singer. Howard said he thinks he sounds pretty good. Howard played the song which was ''Panama.'' Howard said this was right from Eddie's garage. Howard said he has to get some guitar lessons going. The performance was really good according to Robin and Howard. Howard said he's getting the chills. He said the guitar work is really good.
Howard said that he wants to suck the talent out of that guy like a vampire. Howard said his guitar playing seems so effortless. Howard said he thinks that he'd take that talent even if it came along with the nuttiness of Eddie. Howard said if he could play like that Robin would give him a hand job. Howard said this is why the guy didn't get the job. He's not adlibbing during the break. Howard said that's a tough gig to take over for David Lee Roth.
Fred said that they really wanted that guy but management wanted Gary Sherrone instead. Howard said he's surprised since Eddie never listens to anyone. Howard said that guy is a lunatic and never listens to anyone. Robin said that she thinks it would have been a mistake with that guy.
Howard said that he's going to be shooting Lisa G's book cover and Gary is all upset about it. Howard said that he agreed to do it and Gary got upset. Howard said Gary doesn't want to bother him with that stuff so he's upset that Lisa would. Gary said there is a little bit of jealousy there. Gary asked Howard why Lisa asked him to do it. Robin said it's because he's Howard Stern. Gary said he would never bother him with that. Howard said that he enjoys doing it so much that he's willing to do it. Howard said he doesn't make a living doing it. He said that his teacher tells him that he's better than 90 percent of the people who he teaches.
Gary said that Lisa is bummed out about it too. He said that he's not sure his feelings are even rational. Howard said he photographed Gary a few days ago and he can't say why he did it. Gary said he didn't ask Howard to write the forward to his book. Howard said he hates doing that so he's glad he didn't. Howard said he's into this photography thing. Howard said he takes this shit seriously. Gary said that Lisa didn't do anything wrong so he had to tell her about that.
Howard said Will and Jason brought up that Lisa G had a luncheon for a bunch of women. He played the clip and Will and Jason brought up how Lisa ordered for the table for this luncheon she had for a bunch of people that she invited. She placed the order and then when the check came she split the bill with the whole table.
Howard asked Robin what she thinks about that. Howard said he has friends who pull the same shit. Howard said they order for you and then they split the bill. Howard said Gary's wife got upset about that happening to them too. Gary said they had a $400 bill once and his wife was upset that she had to pay that so she could eat seaweed.
Lisa came in and told Howard that she doesn't know what these guys are talking about. She said she never ordered for everyone. She said she hasn't even had a lunch with the staffer's wives.
Will came in and said that it was a holiday get together and the person who told them this story doesn't want to come forward. Howard told Lisa she just can't do that. Lisa said she didn't do that. She said she can't afford to take anyone out to dinner. She said she's not sure what invitation Will is talking about. She said maybe it was an email. Lisa said she doesn't do that kind of thing. Howard told Will not to get her too upset. He said he needs her looking good for tomorrow's photo shoot. Howard told Lisa to relax. He said she's stressing her neck and it's making lines. He said she looks good and she'll look great tomorrow. Howard said he and Beth have a lot of stuff for the shoot. Lisa said she bought a $200 bra. Howard said she may not need it. He said she may be topless.
Howard asked Will why his wife wasn't invited to that lunch. Will said Lisa doesn't like him. Gary said they don't get along. Howard said someone knows him around there and he's thinking that he doesn't like him either. Gary called Lisa back in.
Howard asked Lisa if she doesn't like Will. Lisa said that she feels there's a fine line that he steps over. She said he says hateful things about her and he needs to pull back a little bit. Lisa said that he mentioned something that she pitched and that crossed over the line during the Moldred meeting. Will said they were doing a story and she was making fun of the show he and Jason were doing. Will said he said something about her cookie book and how no one will care about that. Will said Lisa posted something on Moldred and he mentioned it on the air and he shouldn't have done that. Lisa said she feels that it's a safety net and she should be able to post things on there without them being brought up on the air.
Lisa said that she thinks that Will really hates her and he's so mean to her. Will said he makes silly jokes about her and it's so frustrating.
Will mentioned that his wife was upset about the things he said at the Block Party. Lisa said that she's never had the relationship with Will that other people have. She said it hasn't been easy. She said that she hasn't had a staffer dinner either so she's not sure where this story is coming from. Lisa said she hasn't had a get together in over a year.
Gary said Will was upset about what Lisa said about the show they were doing and then Lisa called Jason to apologize for the story she ran. Howard said that he's having difficulties with Will as well. Howard said that they all don't know Will.
Lisa said she went up to Will to apologize and make up and Will mentioned the photo shoot and how Howard does so well with shelter pets. She said that was so funny.
Gary told Howard that Teddy told a story on the Back Office show about how he and his wife beat each other up. Howard said he found out that Jason got caught masturbating by his wife. Howard said he's not sure why Jason did that because his wife was there. Howard said Jason jerked off in his bedroom and then passed out without putting away the evidence and his wife found it. Howard said the lotion was in bed with him and the porn may have still be running on his iPad.
Howard said when he does it he's so meticulous putting the stuff away. Howard said he makes sure that no one knows. Howard said he locks the door in his apartment to make sure no one walks in. Howard said Beth could be in Pittsburgh and he still locks his bedroom door. Howard said Beth claims she doesn't masturbate. Howard said he hasn't masturbated in like a year. Robin said that's bull because he's talked about it. Howard said it feels like a year then. Howard said last night Beth wasn't there and he just went home and thought about doing it but he didn't. He said he was taking a dump and thought about doing it after cleaning up that mess.
Howard said he was going to get into bed and grab his tissues and iPad. He said it would have taken like 10 minutes so he just didn't do it. Howard said he watched TV instead. Howard said he watched The Walking Dead and it's so good. Howard said they had a lot of zombie killing and it's great. Howard said he thinks he's getting old. He said he'd rather watch TV than jerk off. Gary said he's 51 and the urges aren't as strong as they used to be. Howard said he thinks that he's mature but it can't be that. He said he's just getting old.
Howard asked if he should play this Teddy clip. Gary said it's only a minute long. Howard played the clip and Teddy talked about the fights that he and his wife get into and how he had a hole gouged in his face by her heel. He said he ended up shot putting her across the room for that. He said the next day they were crying and laughing about the whole thing. Teddy said that they were fighting over something stupid. Howard said that sounds so wrong. Gary said they both seem to be into it though. Howard asked what kind of name Poppy is. Gary said she's British. Howard asked if this broad is still alive. Gary said she is. Howard said maybe they should rescue her. Gary said she's not complaining. Robin said most battered women don't complain.
Jason said he's seen them throw punches at each other. He said that's their thing. Howard asked if she enjoys it. Jason said he thinks so. Gary said that they might both be at the holiday party if Howard has one. Jason said that they get angry at each other and things get physical. Howard told Gary to get her alone in a safe place and talk to her. Jason said that's just one story they told that day. Howard said they have to ask Poppy about this. He said it sounds crazy.
Jason said Artie used to talk about the fights he would see. Howard said he saw a guy get physical with his wife one night and he rammed the guy into a wall. He said he told the guy if he did that in front of him he'd fucking kill the guy. Howard said he doesn't put up with that. Gary said there are women who hit the guy and they don't hit back.
Howard asked about another Teddy clip where he talks about his family fortune. Jason said Teddy plays like he's a pauper but his family has money. He said that he flies off to Poland for weekend trips and stuff like that. Jason said he claims that he's banged over 60 women too. Jason said he claims that he cleaned up in high school.
Gary said that Teddy is loved by the interns. He said that they gravitate to him. Jason said that's true. He said Tim's assistant seemed to really like him too. Howard did his Kennedy impression and talked about Teddy like he wanted him as a son.
Howard said he has to interview Teddy about all of this stuff with his wife. Howard said he has to talk about him being a cocksman too. He said he had no idea. Gary asked if Howard has been with 60 women in his life. Howard said he had a good run before he got married. Howard said he may have had 20 women or so there. Howard said he had one year of craziness before he remarried. It may have been another 20. Howard said he's not sure how many he's had. He had to go to break a short time later.
After the break Howard came right back and took a call from a guy who said he hasn't commented on Chevy Chase and the whole N-word controversy. Howard said he's bored with the N-word at this point. Howard said that all of these white guys are using the word to get famous and he's sick of it. The caller said that Chevy was wondering if his character on ''Community'' was going to end up using that word and said the word when he asked. Howard said people are sensitive about that word. He said of course you're going to make headlines if you use it in front of people.
Howard said Gary played him a movie clop from the 50s called ''The Dam Busters'' and one of the characters named his dog the N-word. Howard said the movie was about World War II and the things they put in that thing are crazy. Howard played a clip where the guy was calling his dog and kept saying the N-word. They had edited together all of the times the guy said the N-word. There were a ton of mentions. Howard said that was Sal's favorite movie.
Howard said that was a British film too. He said he didn't think they were hung up on that word over there. Howard said he didn't think they had slavery over there. Robin said they were involved in the slave trade.
Howard said Richard was telling him that it was common for people to name their dogs the N-word. Howard asked Richard if that's true. Richard said it is a pretty common name out there in Kansas. He said the neighbors had the dog and called it when the black mailman came by one day and that scared the mail man. Howard and Fred did their impressions of Richard talking about that.
Howard said that Richard's dad used to sell racoon meat to black people in Kansas City. Howard asked if he ever heard that Jews had horns when he lived out there. Richard said he never did. He said they didn't live near any and he didn't hear anything about the Jews. Howard said that's what he heard. Howard said he was living on the side of a road in Fredericksburg, Virginia and these guys were talking about Jews having horns. Howard said they were fucking morons. He said they worked in a small town radio station and they had no clue. Howard said they had no clue what he was. Howard said they had no idea what the fuck was going on and this was in 1975 when he was living down there.
Howard asked Richard if the neighbors thought it was funny. Richard said they just used it as the dog's name. Howard asked Richard if he ever called the dog's name. Richard said he's not sure about that. Howard said he can't wrap his head around someone naming their dog that word. He asked when that was. Richard said it must have been 1980 or 1981. Howard asked if he still knows those people. Richard said no. Howard said he smells a reality show. Robin said that it's like Honey Boo Boo. Robin said Howard has to watch that show. Robin said that the mom is very odd looking and she's not sure she's even human. Richard said they showed the mother's neck crust and he almost puked. Robin said Howard has to watch at least one episode. Howard said he looks at that show and it's like child abuse.
Howard asked Richard more about the dog named the N-word. Richard said he didn't really know that it was offensive. Howard said no one told him what a dentist was either. Howard said he's a white trash mother fucker.
Fred and Robin were throwing the N-word around as they were talking like Richard. Howard asked if he thinks that they keep naming their dog the same thing. Richard said he'll have to ask his dad who the neighbors were. He doesn't know if they're still there. Howard said he would think that they'd call the dog ''N-word'' and say ''N-word, come here.''
Gary told Howard that Richard told him that Mel Gibson tried to get the rights to that movie with the N-word in it. Howard said that can't be true. He said that they must have just written it on Wikipedia or something.
Howard had Teddy in the studio. He asked why he and his wife beat each other up. Teddy said it's not a regular thing. He said they had one epic fight years ago. He said they never hit each other in front of Artie either. He said they've gotten into two physical things and that's more about the girl swinging at him. He said he has pushed her off and she fell. He said it was terrible. He said he cried about it the next day. Teddy said that it was a once and only type of thing.
Howard said Teddy has to get some help. Teddy said when she finds out the story came up on the air he's dead meat. Jason came in and said that they have a name for when they beat each other up. He said they call it Punchy Punch. Howard asked how old he is. Teddy said he's 33. Howard said he has a fucking problem. Teddy said it's not as bad as it sounds. He said it's not just the two of them that hit each other. He said it's a circle of friends that hit each other.
Howard said Teddy has issues. He asked if he's rich too. Teddy said that he has a friend who has money. He said that the trip to Poland was paid for by a friend. He said his family is okay but they're not super rich or anything.
Howard asked Teddy if he fucked over 60 women. Teddy said he had a good career going. He said he was a total man whore. He said he's been with one girl for the past 8 years and he's doing great. Howard told him to drop the Punchy Punch thing. Teddy said it sounds worse than it is. He said he's not OJ or anything. Howard said he'll take his word for that. Howard said the more he gets to know this group the scarier they are. Fred threw in an OJ clip where he says ''I was deadly with my back hand...'' Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard played the clip where Chyna was introduced like a wrestler would be. The guy was saying that's some fuckable ass. Howard said Chyna walks into the arena and then she gets down to business. She has sex with six wrestlers. Howard said the only place she's getting laid is in porn. He played some of the audio of her moaning and saying ''fuck'' sounding like a dude. Robin said this isn't sexual at all.
Sal came in and said she's so muscular that you can't tell the difference between her ass and a dude's ass. Howard saw a picture. Howard asked if he gets excited over that. Sal said he could probably do her. He said he has seen some crazy porn but this takes the cake.
Howard played more of the audio where Chyna is yelling ''fuck'' as she's getting banged. Howard said there's another clip where they have a guy who looks like Hulk Hogan. Howard played that clip as well. Sal said this is what Hulk Hogan should be suing over. Chyna was moaning in that clip too. That led to Fred doing his Herman Munster voice as Chyna.
Howard asked Sal if he's the one who pulled the clip of the girl farting in Spandex. Howard said this girl is wearing Spandex and she rolls around topless and then she stops and farts. Sal asked what's hot about that. Howard said he doesn't know. He played the clip and the girl was talking about being lactose intolerant and her belly was bloated. Howard played the audio and the girl is talking about the cheese she ate and that's why she's bloated. Howard said this is really weird. He said if you get off to watching something like that it's very strange.
Howard played the clip and asked Sal if he was getting a boner over there. Sal said he's exploding. The girl is talking about her farting and then lets one rip. She asks the guy if he likes that smell. Then she lets another one rip. She was coughing at that one. Howard said there are guys who beat off to that. Sal said ''Bring back Chyna.'' Fred did more of his impression and Howard talked to him as Chyna. Sal said when the guy blew his load on her she looked like a melting Herman Munster.
Howard played more of the farting porn clip. Howard asked what this is about and why guys would be into this. Sal said he didn't know. The girl was ripping fart after fart and telling the viewer how bad it smells. Howard said he's fucked up but not that fucked up to pay a woman to humiliate him like that. Howard said he could never go to a dominatrix who keeps track of her customers. He said that his code name would probably be H. Stern.
Howard played more of the farting clips and then said that Katey Sagal is there so he has to act like he's normal.
Sal told Howard that there are porn movies where a woman will sit on a seat with a hole in it and shit on a guy. Howard said Sal likes that kind of crap. Sal said he really isn't into it but he did watch the whole thing. Howard went into a live commercial and then a break after that.
Howard came back and sang along to the song that was playing. He had the lyrics wrong though. He sang ''Carry on'' instead of Ramble on.
Howard said that Katey Sagal is there and she is on ''Sons of Anarchy.'' He said she's had an incredible career. He said she's had a fascinating life.
Howard said he wanted to take a look at Katey. Howard said the theme song for Sons of Anarchy it drives him nuts. He said he hears the words ''You have to go through your life all alone'' and it makes him crazy. Katey said they don't want to make him crazy.
Howard asked if Katey has that scar on her chest. She said that's not real. She said not all of the tattoos are real either. Howard said that Katey's father used to direct TV shows and she has been around that a log. Katey told Howard about some of the shows she used to get to go to. She said she went to the set of The Man from UNCLE. She said that she used to make friends that way. She would bring them to the set with her. She said she met Elvis Presley that way too. She said her dad directed Girl Happy. Katey said that she wasn't that impressed with Elvis. She said she was into the Rolling Stones. Howard said that his sister was into Fabian. He said that he didn't care about Elvis. Katey said she didn't either at the time. She said she has an appreciation for him now though. Howard asked if Elvis asked her dad if he could take her out. Katey said he did not do that.
Howard asked if she had a burning desire to be an actress after being around the acting thing. Katey said that she wanted to be a singer. Howard said he played some of her music for Robin earlier and Robin had no idea who it was. Robin said she did think it was very good though. Howard said she covered a Donovan song. Howard said he's a big fan of Donovan too. He said he covered Hurdy Gurdy Man. Robin said he should play some of that for her. Howard played some of Katey performing ''Catch the Wind'' by Donovan. Howard sang along with her a little bit with that song. Then Howard played his version of Hurdy Gurdy Man. Katey said she liked the start of it. Howard said he did this about 10 years ago. Katey told him that was pretty good.
Katey also told Howard she's watched America's Got Talent and she liked him on that. She said she just went to see Glengarry Glen Ross and she saw a really tall guy in the audience. She asked Howard if he is uncomfortable being so tall in those seats. Howard said he is and he hates going to theater.
Howard asked Katey about her family and found out that one of her brothers is an actor. She said that everyone has stayed in the Los Angeles area. She said that she understands why her dad wanted her to be in TV. She said that she was put in Columbo at 17 or 18 so she could get a union card. She said she didn't think it was sweet at the time so she was mad at him. Robin said that was a great show. Katey said her dad thought she was a great actor. She said she wanted to go to a music college and he didn't let her do that. She said she had to act to get her classes paid for.
Howard said that Katey was a back up singer for Bob Dylan, Etta James and Tanya Tucker among others. Howard said she was a very bad girl growing up too. Katey said she was very rebellious. She said she got sort of on the wrong path there for a while. She said that it didn't feel wrong at the time. Katey said she got arrested but not for anything bad. It was over parking tickets. Katey said this was in the mid 70s so she was doing shrooms and stuff. Howard asked if she did acid. She said she did. Katey asked why they were talking about this. She said she's been clean and sober for 26 years now. She said that she doesn't want to talk about her drug past.
Howard said it must be great going to rehab in Los Angeles. He said you must get to meet some cool people. Katey said there were other reasons for going there. Howard asked if she did coke and heroin. She said she didn't want to talk about that. She said she had a chemical imbalance that needed to be addressed.
Howard asked if she had a great sex life. Katey said she still does. She said she was confused back then. Katey said she was on the road for 10 years and people just give you stuff. She said that's the lifestyle. She said she realized she needed help.
Howard said he was addicted to cigarettes when he was young and he never even thinks about it now. Katey said she doesn't consciously think about the drug thing now. She said she stays connected. Howard asked if she feels she's missing out at parties. Katey said she doesn't really. She said she knows that it could bring her down where she was and it's not worth it to her. She said that desire to check out is gone.
Howard asked if her father knew about all of that. Katey said that it was a different time back then. She said that they didn't know. She said she thinks that she'd know if her kids were doing something. Howard said she wouldn't. Howard said he's a dad and he has a 29 year old, a 26 year old and a 19 year old. Katey said she has 18, 16 and 5. She said that she has a new husband, Kurt Sutter, who plays Otto on Sons of Anarchy. He also created the show. She said he's the guy in prison. Howard asked how he knows so much about biker gangs. She said he was never in a gang but he does a lot of research. Katey said that she had two kids already and they were dating. She said Kurt is younger than she is and if he wanted a baby he had to decide. She said that they didn't do anything but then 5 years later they had their child with a surrogate. She said that it's his genetics and her's.
Howard asked Katey about how that all worked with the surrogate. Katey said they put the baby on her as soon as it was born and the baby latched right on. Howard said he put his baby on his nipple and she just went ''ugh!''
Howard asked Katey if she's exhausted with the kid now. She said she is. She said she just put her oldest in college.
Howard asked Katey if she felt defeated that she didn't make it in singing. She said she didn't feel defeated. She said that she did do background singing and she did okay doing that. Howard asked how she got to work with Bob Dylan. Katey told Howard about how a friend brought her to his place and she was only 19 at the time. She said she got hired after that. Katey said she was confident as a singer. Howard asked if Dylan was attracted to her. She said he did take her out to dinner so maybe.
Howard asked if Katey made love to him. She said she did not. She said that she felt he was kind of on the creepy side. She said he is brilliant though. Howard said he's a genuine wacko. Howard agreed that he's a genius though. Howard asked about the audition and all of that. Katey said she only worked for him for 2 months. She said she got fired 2 weeks before the concert. Katey said she must have been doing a terrible job. She said that he would play the tape back and he'd look at you and not say anything. She said it was a little intimidating. Howard said when he was 19 he had nothing. He said that auditioning to be a background singer is crazy. Katey said that she went to college for a short time and now she sees her 19 year old going to college and realizes how young it really is.
Howard asked Katey why she never had her own record deal. She said she did. She said Gene Simmons helped her get one. Howard asked if he banged her. Katey didn't say but she said she did have a crush on him.
Howard asked about how she got her job on Married with Children. Katey said she had worked on the Mary Tyler Moore show and she got Married with Children after that. Howard asked how she got the part. Katey said that she read the part and figured that the couple had great sex because something had to keep them together. She said that's why she dressed like Peg Bundy in her audition. Howard said that Married with Children was an unexpected hit for FOX because they were really new at the time. Howard said people were upset with the show and they tried to get it off the air. Katey said there was a woman who didn't want her kids to watch the show and it was such bullshit. Howard said he knows something about that. Katey said she's sure he does. She said that this woman ended up boosting their ratings.
Howard asked if it was weird being on the show and being a face that was recognizable. She said that Ed got it more. She said he looked more like Al Bundy than she did as Peg. She said that they weren't on in all of the markets.
Howard asked if she's in touch with everyone form the show. Katey said that she is. Howard asked if she dated David Faustino. She said that's not true. She said she was like their mother on the show. Howard said he likes that. Howard said his mother is 85 and only looks 80.
Howard said Katey's father died in a horrible way. Howard said he was scouting a location with someone and he thought it was Rock Hudson. Katey said it wasn't Rock Hudson. She said it was someone else. Katey said he got out of a helicopter before the blades stopped and he had a head injury. Howard said that is the worst thing to go through. Katey said it was not good. Howard asked if they were on good terms then. Katey said they were. Howard said that was the same year Vic Morrow got killed in a helicopter accident too. Katey said they changed some of the safety regulations. She said they sued the helicopter company. She said that she believes that they have to have the blades off completely and they have a better safety belt as a result of that.
Howard said he hates going anywhere on a plane. Katey said she hates that too. She said that when you have early loss like that in your life then it's a big thing. She said she was only 25 at the time. Howard said he would like to just sit at home and watch a movie, eat dinner and then go to bed. Katey said she doesn't think there's anything wrong with that. She said she took her kids to Italy for spring break and she thought it was fine but she doesn't need to do it again. Howard said he has had a fantasy to go to Italy and it doesn't look that different to him than America. Katey said it's beautiful over there and it is amazing to see the Vatican. She said that once was enough though.
Katey said she agrees with Howard and she'd rather just stay home. Howard said he and Beth are going to Mexico for Christmas. Howard said it's going to be so bad. He said he doesn't' go in the ocean since Jaws. He said that the last time they went on vacation they had ants in the room they were staying in. Howard said it was awful. He said the house was covered in little ants that fly all over you. He said he laid down for a nap and he was covered in bugs. He said they moved 4 different times and he just wanted to get home.
Howard asked Katey if she was upset that they got a new director after her father died and just went right on with the production. Katey said she didn't think about it back then but now she's getting mad again. She said Hollywood is a business so that's why they do things that way.
Howard asked Katey about Gene Simmons and if that tongue of his works the way he says it does. Katey said she really doesn't remember. She said that he was always very sweet and kind to her. Howard asked if she sang with KISS at all. She said she sang on Gene's solo record but not with KISS.
Howard asked Katey if it was good working with Bette Midler. She said that it was very good. Howard asked who she sang for that they'd know. She said she sang on some Olivia Newton John albums. Howard said she's had an amazing career. Howard asked if she's very wealthy. She said that they're doing pretty well. She said she has children and ex-husbands so that takes care of some of the money.
Howard said Katey's husband has her in some strange scenes in the show Sons of Anarchy. Howard said he wouldn't let her near Jimi Smits if he was her husband. Katey said they don't even think about it like that. She said they're very secure with each other and it's a big separation when you're on camera. Howard said he was turned on when he made out with Mary McCormack in ''Private Parts.'' He said he was hard in every scene with her. Howard said that he would feel her up and make out with her when he wasn't even supposed to. Katey said most professional actors don't do that kind of stuff. Howard said he had a full erection in the bath tub scene in his movie. Howard said he wasn't acting, he just had an erection. Howard said he would blow his load if he was with Katey in a scene like that. Howard said he has done it so he knows what it's like. Howard said he's sure the other guys who have done scenes with her have had boners. Katey said he'd have to ask them about that.
Howard asked Katey how she stays in shape. She said that she works out and tries to eat right. Howard asked to see her stomach. Katey said she's not showing him anything. Howard said she must be insecure.
Howard said Katey is on Sons of Anarchy, she's doing Futurama and she did the show with John Ritter. Howard said she played John Ritter's wife on the show. Katey said he was like an angel. Howard said they resumed filming the next day just like with her dad. Katey said they took a month off. Howard said that's bullshit.
Howard said Katey's mother died when she was only 20. Katey said she had heart disease. Katey said she had it from the time she was 35 and she died at 47. Katey said back then they didn't want you to move when you had heart disease. She said that her mom did that and ended up dying at 47. Katey said she can't do that so she works out. Katey said that her dad married within a year. She said that he married Marge Champion and she was a major choreographer. Howard asked if she was upset that he married so quickly. Katey said she was glad he found someone like that. Katey said her dad never got to see her success. She said she wishes that he had gotten to see that and meet her kids too.
Howard asked Katey if she was going to cry if he keeps asking about her father. She said she might. Howard said that he wants someone to cry on his show. Katey said that Jennifer Love Hewitt can cry at will. She said that he should have her on the show. She said that she did a show with her and she had to cry in a scene and she did it over and over and it was like a magic trick.
Howard said he thinks that Katey is in love with him. She said that's true. Howard said he's sure that her husband is a good guy.
Howard asked Katey where she was when John Ritter died. Katey said they shot a promo and John didn't feel well. She said they all went home because he wasn't feeling well. Then 5 hours later she got the call that he was in the hospital and he'd had a heart attack. She went to the hospital and a few hours later he passed. Katey said that she isn't going to cry over this. Howard asked if she rushed to the hospital. She said she and Kurt went to the hospital and John died. She said it was a shock.
Howard asked what they did with the show after that. Katey said they all felt devastated. She said they brought in James Garner to play her father and they played it out like a real thing where the father died. She said it didn't make for very funny TV. She said she thinks that they should have let that go on for a little longer and then the funny would come back. She said that they had David Spade come in a couple of weeks later and they went to the funny too quickly. Howard asked if Ritter left anything in his will to her. Katey said she has a Clifford the big Red Dog stuffed animal at home. She said John played the voice of that dog.
Howard said it must have been a nightmare. Howard asked if she went to the funeral. Katey said she did. Howard asked if she thought about what she was going to wear. She said that wasn't even something she was thinking about. Howard said he would like to go to funerals of famous people. He said he was asked to go to Ed Bradley's funeral and he couldn't wait. Howard said there were so many famous people there. He said that it infuriated him that he didn't get sat up near the front with the family. Howard said Katie Couric was sitting up front. Howard said he did ask Ed's producer why he didn't get up there. Howard said he told his wife he was going to say something and she told him not to. Katey said he should have listened. Howard said he was all the way in the back while all of the other celebrities were in the middle.
Katey said she didn't want to talk about the funeral anymore. Howard asked if she's happy now. Katey said she's great.
Howard said that he's loving Sons of Anarchy. Howard said he would love to be a biker guy but he's even scared of bicycles. Howard asked Katey if she has ever kissed a girl or gone to a strip club. She said she has been to a strip club. Howard asked if she's been to the champagne room. She didn't know what that was. Katey said she was down in New Orleans for a NATPE convention and went to a strip club then. Howard said he thought she was a party girl. Katey said she likes sex with her husband. Howard asked if she's open to anything. She asked what's ''anything.'' Howard asked about anal. Katey said she's not talking about that. She said she is open and in a fabulous marriage. Howard said he imagines that she is pretty open. Katey said she's pretty good. Howard asked if she's ever made it with another girl. Katey said she likes her body because she still takes care of herself. She said her ass could be tighter but it's pretty good. She said she's not running around in a bikini. She said that she doesn't really go in the pool. She said that they have a pool and their 5 year old was using it. She said they started doing laps and they had a good time doing that.
Howard asked Katey about paying for her ex-husband's medical bills. Katey said that's not true. She said that she doesn't want to talk about it. She said she did not pay his medical bills. She said he has his own health insurance. Katey said they have a good relationship and that's all she has to say about that.
Howard said he wonders what she's up to. Howard said he heard she gave him her kidney. Katey said that was her story on Lost. She said that he's confusing that with reality.
Howard asked if Katey would like to get a movie role and get an Oscar. She said she would like that one big role but not the Oscar thing. Howard asked why she's not in movies. Katey said she doesn't know. She said that she has a feeling there are fewer parts for women her age and there are more women who are out there. She said she is very grateful for the role she has on Sons of Anarchy. Howard asked if any of the guys on the show are real bikers. Katey said Chuck Zito is. She said the guy who plays Happy is also a biker.
Robin asked about the guy who killed someone and then killed himself. Howard said that guy was on the show for two seasons. Katey said he asked to be written out because he wasn't happy being on the show. Katey said she liked the guy. She said he kept to himself and he wasn't that guy who did the crazy shit. She said there was some kind of chemical imbalance going on with him. Katey said some of the guys on the show kept in touch and they knew something was up with him.
Robin asked if it was difficult to play Peg Bundy for so long. She asked if it was stifling for her. Katey said they loved that job. She and Ed both loved it. Howard asked if she laughs at the actors who have to go and leave shows. Katey said it can be crazy. She said they had a guy on Married with Children who wanted to leave the show to be on Broadway. He said it was like ''Okay...'' Howard said he thinks that if you get a hit going then you stick with it as long as you can and make all the money you can. Katey said that Christina wanted to move on but she's done fine.
Howard said that he was offered to do a late night show on FOX. Howard said he was going to go on against Johnny Carson. He said he thought he could do it but he had a 13 week cycle and he just couldn't do it with the radio show. Howard said he stuck with the radio show.
Katey said she likes the work and he likes doing the characters. Howard said he likes the character she's doing now on Sons of Anarchy. Howard asked if she's getting paid well. Katey said that Married with Children is still running but they don't see money from that anymore. She said that it wasn't a network at the time. She said that they had a buyout. She said that it wasn't the big ''Friends'' kind of money. Katey said that she's doing okay but it's not the big money that people think. Howard guessed she's worth $20 million and she didn't say no to that. Howard said that's nice. Howard said that it all sounds good to him.
Howard said you have to go see Katey in Sons of Anarchy. He told her to have her husband write a movie for her. Katey said the movie business is tough. She said you have to be there with like 20 other stars before they'll give you money.
Katey asked Howard about where he shoots America's Got Talent. Howard said that was too personal to answer. Katey asked if he likes Sharon Osbourne. Howard said that he does. Howard said he thinks that they're going to resolve that but Sharon says she's not that hopeful. Howard asked Katey if she wanted to be a judge. Katey said she would love that. Howard said she can't wear underwear on the show. Katey said no then. Katey said she loves the talent shows. Howard said he loves them to and that's why he accepted the job. He said he sits at home doing that judging so he took the job. Howard said he doesn't think there are shortcuts when it comes to singing. Howard said that you have to go out and work for it.
Howard gave Katey more plugs for Sons of Anarchy. Howard said he likes the show so it must be good. Howard said they have great ratings with the show. Katey said they're beating network shows. Howard said maybe it's Chuck Zito doing it. Howard said they've had the highest numbers this year. Katey said she credits Netflix. She said that there are more people watching now. She said that it was a tough sell for FX and it's great to see it take off like that. Howard said the guy who plays Jax's wife is beautiful. Howard asked how old she is. Katey said she's in her 30s. She's getting married this weekend. Howard said that the guy playing her son must be getting a lot of chicks. Katey said he's got a girlfriend. Howard asked if it's gross kissing Ron Perlman. Katey said Howard is funny. She said she likes Ron and they have great chemistry. Katey said her husband is working when he directs them so she doesn't think he even thinks of her as his wife during those scenes.
Howard gave her some more plugs for the show which is on Tuesday nights at 10. Howard said that she's also on Futurama on Comedy Central. Howard said this is a woman who is A-list. Howard said she gets great seats at all of the funerals. Howard said she was second row center at that funeral. Katey said Howard is just jealous because he had the back row at Ed Bradley's funeral. Howard said he wore his best suit and his wife looked gorgeous. Katey said Howard is very lucky with that wife. Howard said he even goes ''Wow!'' when he's having sex with her. Robin said that's why she's single. She doesn't feel that way about anyone.
Howard said Robin never complains when she doesn't have a partner. Howard said she has vibrators and she takes care of business. Howard asked Katey if she has a vibrator. She said she didn't want to get into that but she might bring them into the marriage. Howard asked if she has handcuffs. She said maybe. Howard asked if she role plays. Katey said she likes lingerie but doesn't play characters. Howard asked if she likes being choked. Katey said no to that. Howard asked if she has rape fantasies. She said no to that but said that spanking might be part of it. Howard thanked Katey for coming in and Katey thanked him for having her. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and mentioned an article in the paper about this guy Zacherley that used to talk up monster movies on a local TV station there. Howard said it was on WPIX or WNEW or something. Howard said that the shows were so cheap and he'd pretend that he had a cast of characters there with him. Howard said the guy was great. He said he loved him as a kid. Howard said he worked his way into being a radio guy. Howard said he was on afternoons on WPLJ for a while. Howard did his impression of Zacherley and said he used to visit them on radio. Howard said the guy is 94 years old and he's never been married. Howard wondered what the fuck is up with that. Howard did more of his impression and said he couldn't believe when he got on radio. Howard said they used to talk to him about that when he'd visit. Howard said he wanted him on more than the monster movies he introduced. Howard said he met the guy for the first time and he was amazed. He said it was so cool meeting him.
Howard said Eddie Munster used to watch a guy like that on the Munsters. He said Eddie won a chance to meet the guy and he met him and the guy took off his make up. Howard said the Munsters thought that he was a real guy.
Howard said he has a Zacherley interview where he talks about him. Gary said that's from a Chiller show a few years ago. Howard played the clip and it was actually Richard interviewing Zacherley. Zacherley said that he used to get calls from Howard asking how to get on radio. Howard said he must have been senile at this point. Howard said he has no idea what he's talking about. Howard said he never asked about that. Howard said he still loves the guy though. Howard said he and Robin should go visit him and hang out at his apartment. Howard said he's sure that would be exciting.
Howard played a clip of Leiberman going through the list of words that rhyme with Jew. Leiberman said he was ready to go and he gets angry with himself because he wasn't able to put it together. Then he goes into a rap. Howard said they have to have him rap at the Christmas party this year. Howard said he has to get Will Murray drunk too. He said they're the Mel Gibson and David Hasselhoff of the show.
Howard said he read that an Italian judge sentenced some scientists to 4 years in prison for not predicting an earthquake. Howard said that's crazy. Howard said just imagine what they'd do if your phone system went down.
Howard said Ann Coulter called Obama a retard. Howard said she has a way of getting herself known for stuff like that. He said it could backfire on her. Howard said that Obama is now surging with the retard vote. He said Gary the Retard and Wendy the Retard are telling all of their friends. Howard played some audio of Wendy the Retard talking about how she's voting for ''O'Romney'' in the election.
Howard said they were talking about Honey Boo Boo earlier. Robin said he has to watch an episode. Howard said the kid hates being on TV, hates vegetables and hates fan encounters too. Howard said she's just like JD. Howard said he hates all of that stuff too. Robin said Howard has to see the show.
Robin started the news with a story about Mel Karmazin announcing that he's leaving the company in February of 2013. Robin said they say it's not unexpected. Liberty Media wants to be a majority share holder and Mel has said that he never wanted to be number 2 again. He's going to move on.
Robin said that Eva Longoria and Mark Sanchez are no longer a couple. Howard said she's like 38 and he's only 25. Robin said she's only 37. Howard said Mark Sanchez should know better than that. He told him to keep his mind on football.
Robin mentioned that there's a robot hall of fame. Howard said their former General Manager, Tom Chiusano, is in that. Howard said that Robin got together with him for dinner and he was jealous. Howard said he was jealous about her getting together with Dan Foreman too. Howard said he's getting together with an old high school friend soon. He said he's a good guy. Robin said that she and Dan had a good time. Howard said he wishes he could just stay home when he plans something like that. Robin got back to the robot hall of fame and Howard said the best one was the one on Lost in Space. Howard said Robbie the Robot was great too. Robin said there are new inductees for the hall of fame. Robin said they included Wall-E and a few other robots that are real. Howard read a live commercial a short time later.
Howard said he had a list of the top 10 most annoying sounds in the world. He had clips of the sounds. Howard played one and it was the wrong one. It was a knife on a bottle and it was at number one. Howard thought it was number 10. Howard played number 2 and it was a fork on glass. Number 3 was chalk on a blackboard. Number 4 was a ruler on a bottle. Robin asked why they're all on bottles. Howard played number 5 which was nails on a chalkboard. Howard said it sounds like Robin's enema actually. Number 6 was a female scream. Howard said number 7 was an angle grinder. A bicycle brake was number 8, a baby crying was number 9 and number 10 was an electric drill. Howard said they say the most annoying is this and played Jason's laugh with Chyna's laugh mixed in.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about the new reality show about the Houston family. Robin said that in the first episode Whitney's daughter announces she's going to marry the kid who was raised as her brother. Howard said that sounds like a winner to him. He said he's not sure why the show is getting bad reviews.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the interview with Katey Sagal was great. Howard said she was great. The caller asked if they've noticed Robin's new affect where she says ''Oh my gawd.'' Robin said she's just putting that on. Howard said she should stop with that. Howard said she slipped that right by him. Howard asked when that debuted. Robin said she doesn't have a date for it. Robin said she didn't plan on starting it.
Robin said that Apple announced their small tablet the iPad Mini yesterday. Robin had some audio of the announcement. Howard said he ordered one but he doesn't need or even want it. He said he heard about the new iPad too but he just bought one. Howard said he doesn't think Steve Jobs would be happy about these things happening. Robin said she's sure they ran it by him. Howard said he doesn't know about that.
Robin also talked about the new Windows operating system that's coming out. Robin said that they call their tablet the Surface. Robin had some audio of someone from Microsoft talking about that. Robin said the new tablets go on sale this Friday. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read about how the White House was notified that the Libyan embassy attacks had someone claiming credit for them just hours after. Robin said they say they're not sure why the White House tried to cover it up as a terrorist act. Robin had some audio of a senator talking about that.
Robin read about President Obama talking about Mitt Romney not being up to the task of President because of his foreign policy stances. Howard said he's not sure who is going to win. He said that it's hard to tell. Robin had a few audio clips of Obama talking about Romney.
Gary came in and asked if Robin is going to report on Donald Trump's big news about Obama. Robin asked what it was. Gary said he claims he has divorce papers between Barak and Michelle that never went through. Howard asked Benjy what he had. Benjy said he hasn't made the announcement yet. Gary said that's what they're guessing the news is. He hasn't announced anything yet. Howard asked why that would matter. Gary said that maybe they'll play it like if he can't handle marriage then he can't handle the country.
Howard said Trump has gotten very political lately. Robin said he's been doing this for the past two election cycles. Howard said he didn't seem so political in the past. Gary said he seems to just want to ruin the other guy's run. Howard said he must want to see Mitt Romney win since he's a business man.
Robin said that Mitt Romney's oldest son has apologized for saying he wanted to take a swing at President Obama. Robin said he said this on a radio show after seeing Obama questioning his father's truthfulness. Howard said you know that kid, Tag, had people calling him ''Fag'' in school when he was growing up. Howard said it must have been brutal. Howard asked how old the kid is. Fred said he'd like 40. Howard said he's still hanging out with his dad and he's 40?
Robin had some other political news and audio clips that she went through. Howard read that Tag is 42 and he has 6 kids and he's employed as an advisor for his dad's election. Fred read about some of the other kids and they're all doing well.
Robin read a story about a guy who said that women who are raped and get pregnant are pregnant due to the will of God. He said that god does not want rape but he does create life. Robin said that he said that people were twisting his words and making it sound like it was a god intended pregnancy even when it was rape.
Robin read about some people who were killing people when they'd go to job interviews for jobs that were places on Craigslist. Robin had some audio of this guy who was in court over that. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read about two teen brothers who were charged with killing a 12 year old girl in New Jersey. Robin said that the girl was seen riding her bike on Saturday and the boys lured her into their house and strangled her. Robin said they say that they would trade bicycle parts so they may have done this to get her BMX bicycle. Howard said ''Oh my gawd.'' Robin said that's not the right context for that. Robin said they haven't released the names of the boys because they're under age.
Robin read about this woman who was shot and killed at a salon and how she was trying to save her life by getting a restraining order. Robin had some audio of the woman in court talking about how bad things had gotten and how she didn't want to die. Robin said that the judge asked if she was cheating on her husband and she said that wasn't relevant. The husband said that he loves his wife and the wife said he was violating the restraining order right there in court.
Robin read about Taylor Swift saying that she's a good driver but during a Rolling Stone interview they found that she wasn't so good. Robin said they like to put you in real life situations for their interviews. Howard said he picked up his reporter in a Valiant and he had manufactured a story to tell the guy and the guy didn't use any of that in the story. Robin said that Taylor told a story on David Letterman last night about how she ended up backing into a car with the reporter in the car. It turned out to be her bass player's car she backed into. Robin had some audio of her talking about that with Dave.
Robin had some news about Rod Stewart and had some audio of him talking to Katie Couric. Howard said it's painful when he hears him talk. Howard said he sounds like Gange. Howard did his Gange impression and played another clip of Rod's interview. He talked about putting cocaine in a capsule and putting it up his ass in one clip. In another clip he talked about that rumor about him with the semen getting pumped out of his stomach. He said that was a publicist who was trying to get back at him for firing him. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:20am.
Benjy said that Scott was very reluctant to do his song. He said he's not sure exactly why. Jon said he likes the way the play is progressing so far. Benjy asked if he would invest. Jason said he would. Jon said it depends on his return.
Jon said that the other thing that came up was Will getting goofed on by Howard. Gary said people like to hear stuff like that. They think that it's like the golden age of the show when Howard would go off on him. He said they love that.
Jon asked Will how he feels when Jason's putting up notes about him. Jason said it was just one note. Jon said that he's piling on though. Will said he was really angry with Shuli. He said he was blacked out at the show and they took advantage of that. He said this is the show and he's just going to deal with it an accept it.
Gary said this is one of those things where Howard sees your Achilles heel and keeps going at it. He said he looks in and sees it going and he can see it bothers Will. Gary said he can tell Howard is trying to get under his skin and it's like Will can't see that. Will said he can see it.
Gary said it can be hard to deal with and hard to take. The guys asked Benjy how he's not bothered by that. Benjy said he is. He said Howard will come down on him and he thinks in his heart that he could be wrong.
Gary said that Benjy got picked on by Howard about something once and Benjy looked like he was crying and said that he was crying a little bit. They weren't sure what that was. They spent a couple more minutes on that and then went to break.
Gary said he used to disagree with Howard about his kids. He said Howard would ask why his wife isn't doing everything. He said that's just not rational thinking. He said Stuttering John and Jackie would do the same thing to him though.
Benjy said he's been influenced by thank-you notes. He said he's adapted that into his own life. Gary said that Tim will follow anything that Howard gets as far as gadgets. Jon said Howard ordered 3 iPad Minis and Tim will probably get 6.
Benjy asked if the guys have changed on anything that Howard has said is the right way to do things. Jon said that he had a conversation on the air that changed his mind. Gary said that Howard used to say that anyone who has to drink to have fun is an idiot. He used to say that anyone who has a male dog is wrong too. He said he's changed on those kind of things over the years.
Jon asked Will about the issue he has with Lisa G. Gary jumped in and said that there are some people who can get away with stuff around there. He said that Will comes across as vicious to Lisa. Will said that this morning was the first time they've talked about it. He said he doesn't say anything more or less obnoxious about her than anyone else there.
Gary said that Jason told him about the call he got from Lisa over the weekend and how Will had an entirely different experience with her.
Will said that he did an F, Marry Kill and he may have said some stuff about Lisa in that Howard TV Fine Time special.
Gary said Teddy told him that it was just once but then he said it was twice. Teddy said it's not something he keeps track of. Gary said he keeps track of that and the number of times he's had an altercation with a woman is zero. Benjy asked if he's telling the truth on that. Gary said he is.
Jason told the guys about the story about the wedding thing and how that story blew him away. He said that it's not all the time. He said the Punchy Punch thing isn't part of that whole thing. Teddy said it's just a stupid thing.
Jason said that Teddy got mugged and the next morning when he woke up with a black eye he was pretty sure that was from Poppy and not the mugger. Teddy said that's true but they were just having fun. Jason said he'll leave it at that. They went to break after that.
Jon said that a lot of actors say they want to sing and a lot fail. He said that Katey has a lot of great stories about that. He said that she succeeded in both fields. He said that's not easy to do. Gary said that there are people who think they can do anything when they're good at one thing. He said that he also knows her from Futurama so that was another great thing. Jason said it was like having Leela in the studio today.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what the fuck is up with that Punchy Punch thing. Teddy said he didn't come up with it. He said Poppy's older brother told them about it. Gary said that Teddy must be one of those guys who thinks that it's part of life to get black out drunk and get into fights.
Jason said he had a party this weekend called a wine and weed party. Jason said he was done by 9pm but Teddy went out and partied until 4am. Teddy said it was the weekend. The guys had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:00am.
Robin's Weird Weekend. 10/25/10. 6:00am
Howard started the show talking about his opening song and how he ruined it with Rob Zombie. Howard said he might have to go back and record it the way Rob really wanted to. Robin said it might be too late for that.
Howard said he had some trouble getting up this morning. He said he had his alarm clock going off and it was tough to get up.
Robin said she had a tough weekend. She said she was really thrown this weekend. She said she had a lot on her mind but she didn't want to get into specifics. Robin said it was a weird weekend and it looked like it was going to start out in a good way. She said she had dinner with Sarah Silverman, Bob Saget and Jeffrey Ross. Howard said he doesn't know how she does it going out to L.A. and all. Robin said she wanted to get into the machine that pumps the blood out of your legs. She said she was dying from the lactic acid in her legs and she feels much better after that. Robin said she had some meetings out there too.
Howard said he thought Robin was going to say her breasts grew back from what they were before they were reduced. Robin said they have. Howard said Robin is really a woman. He said it's a miracle. She's like a starfish with a leg that grows back. Howard said she's lost weight, she had an operation and her boobs are back. Howard said it's like a horror movie like Freddy Kruger. He said he ended up coming back no matter what they did. Howard said that Robin's boobs come back no matter what. He said it's amazing. He said her tits are like crab grass.
Robin said that they were smaller when she had the operation. Her doctor refused to make them as small as she wanted them though so that didn't help. Howard asked Robin what she thinks is going on there. Robin didn't know. She said her doctor brought her down to a D-cup and she wanted a C-cup. Robin said she was told to bring in some new bras for after the surgery and she brought in C-cups. She said she looked at her breasts and the bra and said there was something wrong. The Doctor then told her that he couldn't make them that small and kept her at a D. Howard said maybe he didn't want her to look bizarre.
Howard asked Robin what she thinks grew back there. Robin said they were huge when she was heavy and she remembers a stripper sitting next to her out in Vegas one time and she went ''Oh my god!'' and said her breast was as big as her head. She had never seen anything that big before. Howard said he didn't know they grew back to full strength. Robin said they're not quite full strength but they are bigger than they were after the surgery.
Robin said she saw David Spade out in L.A. too. She said she had a good dinner and she said she was out at STK when she ran into some of these people. Robin said she loves John Stamos. She said that he's a great guy and just a good person. Howard said he doesn't think that John is that way to everybody. Robin said he's a good actor then.
Robin said John put the dinner together but then he wasn't able to show up. Howard asked what she means. Robin said he put the dinner together and he ended up texting everyone that he had diarrhea that night and he wasn't able to make it. Howard asked who was there. She mentioned Sarah, Bob and Jeffrey Ross and also Sam Simon and his girlfriend. Robin said she got some information out there that rocked her weekend. She wouldn't say what it was but it was something about a betrayal. She said she's reeling from the whole thing. Howard told her to cut it out like a cancer.
Robin said she learned she needs new friends. Howard said he's been saying that. He would like to go through her friends and vet them for her. Howard told her to give him a list of her friends. Robin said that everyone she reached out to was worse than her so she had to hang up on people. Robin said she was going to reach out to Howard about it too but she didn't want to bother him. Howard said she should have called. He would have helped her.
Howard said he has a theory on what happened. He said he has a feeling he knows who she's talking about. Robin said she didn't want to talk to him about it. Howard said he knows. Robin said he may know. She didn't want to talk about it off the air though.
Howard Annoyed With Baba Booey. 10/25/10. 6:15am
Howard mentioned that Gary is going to be on Letterman tonight. He said he was annoyed with him the whole weekend though. Howard said that Gary is supposed to tell the press nothing when they call there asking questions about him. He said that he's supposed to refer them to Don Buchwald. Howard said Gary has this book coming out called ''They Call Me Baba Booey'' and he's out doing promotion. He said he heard that he was in Us magazine last week. Howard said this promotions woman told him about this and he didn't care. He said that he hopes he has a success but he doesn't give a fuck when he's on his way out the door.
Howard said he got home on Thursday and had a drink. He said he was reading an article about David Arquette and Courteney Cox and he feels really bad for David. Howard said he called into the show to straighten things out about his relationship and what was going on. The message that David was trying to get out there still hasn't gotten out to the press. Howard said he wishes that the whole thing would go away for David.
Howard read the article that he was talking about and they quoted Gary in the article. He said that David doesn't want to hear Gary being quoted. Gary told Howard that he got a publicist for his book and they got him booked on all kinds of things. He said that Us Weekly wanted to do an article. He said this woman calls him and asks him a bunch of questions that didn't have to do with the book. Howard told Gary he should have said ''no comment.'' Howard told him not to get desperate over that. Gary said that it just went a different way than he expected. He wasn't happy with the whole thing.
Howard asked when he's going to be done with the book promotion. Robin said it's just beginning. Robin said she's read about 1/3 of the book and she loves it. Howard said that means she's barely started the book. Howard said he read the whole thing and Beth read the whole thing and cried. Howard said she was annoyed with some of the stuff he was writing about though. He said she hated that he was working at Record World. Howard said he thinks that Beth loved the family stuff and didn't care about the rest of it. Howard said he liked the radio stories and the ''Sally Foo'' story about his dad. Howard and Fred did their Baba Booey impressions and goofed on Gary for a few minutes while talking about the book.
Fred said he read Gary's book on the computer but it was very difficult. He said he would like to read it when it's out in book form.
Robin asked Gary if he worked in the record store because he liked music or for some other reason. Gary said he loves music. Howard said he heard that Gary added some new pages to the book with lists of things he likes. They threw in lists of songs he liked from back at the Record world days. Howard said he didn't understand that. Gary said they had that in mind from the start of the whole thing. Howard thought they had added them at the last minute.
Gary said he had his book with some of the lists. He had some of the play lists from those days. The songs are the songs that Gary liked back in those days. Gary said they were just trying to paint a picture of what it was like back then. Howard said he can't believe they killed another tree to print that page in his book. Gary said they had his top 7 concerts in there too. Howard asked him to read that list. Gary read that off and Howard asked who is going to care about that stuff. Gary asked who is going to care about anything in the book.
Howard kept asking why he was doing this stuff so Gary asked Howard who asked him for his book review anyway. Howard did more of his impression and goofed on Gary some more.
Howard asked Gary if he's nervous about the Letterman appearance. Gary said he's not too nervous. He said he did speak to a few people including Artie. Artie told him he should be nervous. Gary said he's really not nervous though. That led to the guys talking about Artie and his heroin use. Gary said that they used to get calls about all sorts of things with Artie and he was never sure what was true. They talked about the days when he was driving to Delaware to pick up his heroin. Robin said that Artie was one of the greats who would only do it that day but then he'd go out and find it again.
Gary said he thinks even the drive down there was a buzz. Howard said it does keep you busy and some people who don't have a lot to do in their lives like doing that. Howard said Artie would show up and guys wouldn't be there to sell him the drugs. He said it all sounded like a nightmare.
Howard told Gary not to comment on their guests. Gary said he knows. Howard told him to go do Letterman so they can goof on him tomorrow. Gary said that he did his pre-interview on Friday. He said that went great. Howard asked what he's going to be talking about. Gary said that they might be showing the first pitch on Letterman. He said they'll talk about that and they also said that Dave could end up throwing it all out the window and change the whole interview.
In the clip Howard said he heard that someone wanted to interview him about his contract negotiations. Howard told Gary to call the girl from Gannett so he can talk to her about this. Howard had to yell at Gary to get in there. Howard said he has to yell at Gary sometimes. He said he's the only one he can yell at there.
Howard said Robin is out sick with a sore throat. He asked Gary to try and get that girl from Gannett on the phone. Howard took a call from a woman who said she was listening to the idiots on Z-100. Howard hung up on her when he heard her radio on in the background.
Howard freaked out that he had tourists looking in on his show. He said he hates being stared at by tourists. Howard asked Steve the Engineer to close the blinds. Steve said he couldn't do it. Howard asked Gary to do it. Howard said he's sick of these guys making money off of him and not being able to renegotiate his contract. Howard said he has a bunch of people staring at him like he's in a zoo. He said they can go stare at someone from WYNY instead. Howard said these people pay to do that tour too.
Gary told Howard that the reporter didn't want to talk on the air. Howard went to break and talked to her off the air.
After the edited out break Howard came back and explained what he talked to the reporter about during the break. Howard said that people were saying that he's kidding about wanting more money. He called Don Imus in there to talk about that. Imus came in and said that he may walk if Howard doesn't get more money. Imus said he doesn't need this stuff anymore. Imus said he's going to be in a movie and he doesn't need this radio thing. Howard asked if it's a real movie. Imus said it is. Howard asked what he's going to be playing. Imus didn't seem to know. Howard asked who is doing the movie. Imus said it really is a big movie. Imus said he was telling Randy Bongarten that he should just give Howard the money if he's asking.
Howard said he saw Imus in the paper and he thinks that his anti-smoking campaign is great. Imus laughed but Howard said it's not easy to quit smoking. Howard said Imus has been smoking for how many years. Imus said he wasn't even sure. Imus told Howard he wants him to get AIDS and he wants him to die. He laughed through that.
Howard said he's not sure why he spoke to that reporter. He said that he'll talk to just about any reporter though. Howard said his sister is going to come in and do the news for Robin. Howard said he'll have Imus' limo driver there on Friday.
Howard said there was something he wanted to talk to Imus about. Howard couldn't remember what it was. Howard asked what he's doing for sex these days. Imus said he masturbates. He said he was just kidding. Howard said he does that and he's married. Howard said he bets Imus does masturbate. Howard asked if he reads magazines. Imus said he reads Readers Digest. Howard said he hated Imus' guts a few weeks ago but now he's okay. Howard said if he walks out on strike for him then he'll be fine.
The Young Idol Winner Is... 10/25/11. 8:50am
After the break Howard came right back and said that he had Michael Eliran, Nik Kai and Brett Steinberg sitting in. Howard said that Nik has more of a life than he does. He said he kind of resents him because of that. Howard gave Michael a plug for his web site and Nik a plug for his song on iTunes.
Howard said Brett won with 2 percent more votes than Nik and Michael. Howard said they all have a future though. Howard said he was going to give the winner $500 and the two runners up $250. Howard said that Nik endorses a onesie. He also likes to jump out of airplanes. Howard said he does not. He said he thinks he likes it but he can't be doing that. Howard said that Brett will have his own radio show too. He said he can play with his band or do whatever he wants. Howard gave the guys their plugs for their various web sites and Facebook pages. You can find Nik at NikKaiRocks.com and Brett's Facebook page.
How Puberty Ruined Howard's Looks. 10/25/11. 8:55am
Howard said that people were saying that they should stick Richard with the kid and play some music. Howard said speaking of Richard he and Sal have been doing more phone calls. Howard asked Fred what he thought of the kids. Fred said they were all very good. He said Brett is very good and he knew what he was doing. The other kids have a little work to do but they're very good.
Howard said he was a cute kid and puberty turned him into a mess. Howard said he was like a werewolf. He said he changed but not in a good way. Howard said he morphed into a Dracula. Howard said he changed into an ugly man from a good looking child.
Howard said he knew a girl in summer camp by the name of Lynn. He said she was a red head. He said he used to write to her all the time. Howard said she didn't come back to camp the next year. He said he wrote to her and ended up going to visit her at her house. He said he knocked on her door and she didn't know he had gone through ''the change.'' Howard said she opened the door and when she saw him she closed the door. Howard said he's not kidding. He said she shut the door and wouldn't let him in. Robin didn't believe it. He said he looked like Cousin It when he was a kid. Fred played some dramatic music and some screaming sounds as Howard was talking about that.
Howard said those kids have super powers with talent like that. Howard said he had nothing. He didn't even have looks. Howard said he was slapped a yarmulke. He spent a couple of minutes talking about how scary looking he was after puberty.
Howard said he was a cute kid and then he got bitten by the flying gefilte fish. Howard said he had bad teeth after puberty. He said they were nice before that. Howard said he had to protect his daughters from that change. He said it must have been his ex-wife's genes that balanced it all out. Robin said that must have been the antidote.
Howard said everything went horribly wrong for him in puberty. He said he hit 13 and boom. Howard said the kids that were just in there looked good. He said he thinks they'll be okay.
Howard said he hasn't had it easy with that face. He said he's had TV execs cringe when they see him walk in the room. Robin said he didn't get the Ryan Seacrest look. Howard said Ryan used to be a fat, disgusting kid and when he turned 13 he became handsome. Howard said he was just the opposite. He said he can't stand good looking guys.
Howard said he saw Ryan Seacrest talking about how he likes to be vanilla and of course he does. Howard said he has to be the way he is because he doesn't have looks.
Howard had some audio of Ryan Seacrest talking about bullshit that he's involved with. Howard said he had to do an interview with Stone Phillips years ago. He said he told Gary to get a handicapped woman to show up and he'd make her walk. Howard said Stone was there and he started counseling her and when she stood up they stopped the cameras. Howard said Ryan Seacrest talks about visiting kids when they're ill and it's the same bullshit. Howard said he wouldn't do it on TV if it was true. Howard said he's a cunt.
Howard played the audio clips of Ryan Seacrest talking about being vanilla. Howard started playing it and said if he ever meets anyone who listens to that shit he's going to tell them to fuck off. Howard let the clip play and he'd interrupt it every few seconds. Seacrest was talking about how it's not his goal to be controversial. Howard said he talks really slow because he has nothing to say. He did an impression of him dragging out his sentences since he has so little to say. Ryan said he gets up thinking that he's going to be vanilla that day. He said he has no problem with that. Howard said he's really happy doing nothing.
Howard said he's jealous of him. Howard played more of the audio of Ryan going to visit some sick kids. Howard said he can imagine them telling Ryan to fuck off. Howard said he tried pulling that whole thing off and it didn't work. He said that Gary should have auditioned the woman in the wheelchair. He said she was over acting.
Howard played more of the audio and goofed on Ryan about how boring he is. Howard said that he imagines this kid had a dying wish to be bored to death by Ryan Seacrest. Seacrest was doing his announcing voice for the sick kids and announcing how to call in and vote for the kids.
Howard said he wants to take all of this away from him. JD said they could do an Occupy Seacrest thing. Howard played more of the clip and goofed on Seacrest some more.
Howard said that people don't like him. He said he's non communicative. Howard said that he's not the same guy in person that he is on radio. He said you're not missing anything not hanging out with him.
Howard played more of the clip and they were talking about Seacrest's girlfriend Julianne Hough. Howard said he hopes that her movie bombs. Howard said that he can imagine tagging that. He said that fucker doesn't know what to do with that. Howard asked JD what he would do. JD said ''What wouldn't I do...'' Robin imagined him making her have a dog lick peanut butter off of her.
Robin said that the total domestic take for the Footloose movie remake is only $30 million. Howard said ''good.'' Robin said it only made $6 million in foreign.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what a gefilte fish is. Howard said he doesn't know. He said it's just a lumpy fish covered in jelly. Howard said he forgot that it's not just New York listening. Not everyone knows what that stuff is.
Howard got back to the Seacrest clip and JD said he thinks that Hough is a hard core Christian so maybe they haven't even had sex. Howard said he bets that she fucks like a rabbit. Howard said he thinks that dancers love to be looked at and love to bend and twist. He said she's Christian right up until she gets in the sack. He said she's hot to go.
Gary came in with an article about Julianne Hough that said she wanted to be a virgin until she got married. That was from a few years ago though. Howard said she was only 19 at the time. Howard said he knows his customers. He said this one is good to go. He said she's ready. Howard said that's one thing he knows. Howard said she's ready to get baked. He said she's actually baked and ready to go.
Howard played more of Ryan talking about Julianne and how she's changed his life. Howard said he works hard at his own show. He said he hates his job and he wants to go home and lay in bed. He said that Ryan Seacrest is so boring that he likes going to work. He said he doesn't have to work at it to be vanilla.
Governor Schwarzenegger Congratulates Howard. 10/25/06. 9:15am
Howard had Governor Schwarzenegger (Fake Arnold) on the phone to congratulate them on their free trial. Arnold told Howard that he wanted to say hello to their friends in North Korea. Howard wondered if someone out there was actually listening to them. Arnold went off on them and said that they had better watch themselves. He also said hello to the women he banged in Austria. He said that he's governor now and there's nothing that they can do.
Arnold also said that he thinks that Hillary Clinton is looking ugly these days. He wanted to get in on the Pixie girl who was on the show yesterday. He wants to bang her since JD won't. He said he would even tape himself banging his wife Maria if Howard wants. Howard thanked him for calling in after just a couple of minutes. Arnold wanted to know what's going on with Madonna and the black kid. He said that she should avoid having anything to do with blacks at all because it always means trouble. He said he was just joking about that stuff of course.
Various Phone Calls. 10/25/06. 9:20am
Ralph called in and told Howard that this guy Cat Williams is really funny but all of the black comedians are using the N-word like it means nothing. He said they can yell it out when they're talking to each other but if he yelled it out, he'd get killed. Robin said he's right, you can't have a word that only certain people can use.
In the clip Howard took a call from a woman who asked to hear a bit replayed. Howard said he has played it a lot already. The caller also mentioned that she was working at a radio station so Howard gave her some advice. She was an engineer at a radio station so Howard told her that they're not even really needed these days.
The caller said she sent a tape to Mark Chernoff trying to get hired there. Howard asked to hear her tape so he can tell her if she's any good. She said she had to go to the other side of the room to get it. Howard said he bets that Meg is worried now. Howard said these people always think they're good and they're not.
The caller found the tape and played her demo for Howard. Howard asked who else she's sent the tape to. She wasn't there on the line. She was setting up her tape player. A few seconds later she played the demo tape. Howard listened for a short time and said she wouldn't fit in there. Howard said she sounds as good as Meg though. Her radio name was Sin. Howard said she needs to change that. Howard said he has to advise her on some things. Howard said she's going to play them her whole tape.
Howard told Sin not to put weather forecasts in a demo. Howard said that when you have college call letters they're not going to hire her. Howard said she sounds better than Vin Scelsa and Pete Fornatele. Howard said she needs a better name like Sue Dajews. Howard said maybe Betty Feelsme or something like that. Howard said Sin isn't a good name.
Howard said you can't send a tape to Chernoff and expect to be hired. Sin said that they do hire a lot of nobodies. Howard said they come from out of town. They're not nobodies. Howard said maybe the name Ophelia Balls would be a good name for her.
Howard told Sin that she can't come right out of NYU and get a radio job. Robin said Howard had to go away and do radio in other markets before getting on in New York. Sin said that she wouldn't have a problem doing overnights. Robin said they have a lot of people who have qualifications for doing that job already. Sin said she won't go to Iowa or anywhere like that. Howard said she's not a radio person if she's not willing to do that. Howard said someone needs to smack her around. He said she needs his father to do that for her. Howard spent a little more time with Sin and then let her go.
In the clip Robin read a story about an executive who had taken a dump on a plane. Robin said the guy was taking drinks from the service cart after he was told he couldn't have anymore. When the crew stopped him he started threatening them. When a female attendant refused he pushed her into a seat. Then he climbed on top of a service cart and dropped his pants and then defecated on the cart. Robin said he used a linen napkin to wipe himself and then wiped his hands on various things in the aircraft and then tracked feces around. Howard was doing his Jackie impression along with Billy West talking about dumping like that. Howard and Billy kept going with the Jackie impression as if he was the one dumping on the plane. Howard made some doody jokes like Jackie might do. They were laughing about the story and making up things that Jackie could have done as that guy.
Jay Leno Interview Replay. 10/25/05. 8:40am
Howard took a call from a guy who said that when he was listening to the Jay Leno interview yesterday his dog ran through a glass door because it drove him so nuts. Howard had the tape there and replayed it since the guy brought it up. Gary Garver was out in Los Angeles and got the interview with Jay as he was sitting on his motorcycle. Leno ended up ignoring Gary's questions once he was asked why Johnny was never on his show. Leno started pretending to cut out on mic and then started honking his horn as his answers. Howard said that Johnny never appeared on Jay's Tonight Show because he thought that Jay was a scumbag... and Johnny was the biggest scumbag in the industry. He talked about the way Johnny treated his wife and other comedians. Howard got back to the Leno interview and goofed on how lame his microphone cutting out impression was. The guys were pointing out how bizarre Jay has become and how even his premise for the microphone cutting out was lame. Leno told Gary to get his microphone fixed and come back and interview him again sometime.
Howard thought it would be best to replay that interview without interrupting it. Robin and Artie weren't sure they wanted to hear that again. Howard ended up playing the James Garner interview that Garver did over the weekend. Howard reminded everyone that they were calling Gary Garver ''Gary Garble'' yesterday because he garbles his lines pretty often. Garver ended up getting hit in the nuts by Garner who got so mad at him that he threatened to kick him in the balls after being asked about his penis shrinking with age. Garner told him to never show up again. Garner grabbed Garver's microphone and pulled it out as he whacked Garver in the balls with his cane. Howard said his favorite part is when Garner tells Garver to never show up again and calls him an F'n A-hole. Howard replayed the whole Jay Leno interview without interruption after the Garner interview. Howard goofed on him a little more about the lame premise he had for his microphone cutting out bit. Robin and the guys said that they need to do an interview about that interview so they can find out what Leno was thinking.
Ralph called in and asked if they had video of the interview Garver did with Garner because it sounds pretty funny. Unfortunately, there is no video. He also thought that it was funny when Garner threatened to kick Garver in the balls so Howard ended up replaying that interview as well. Ralph said that Garner seems to be a really angry guy. Ralph said it would be great if he had a camera with him. Gary (Baba Booey) said that Gary does carry a camera with him when he does those things but he's not sure if he has the video or not. Howard said he's going to take that video clip and put it on his web site so people can see it over at Vagina Corner. Howard said they can set it up so they can only see it if they have their subscription number from SIRIUS. He said only the real fans will see it that way.
Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and pointed out some more flaws in Leno's premise about the microphone cutting out. He asked why Leno's voice didn't cut out when he was saying ''Isn't that mic cutting out?'' He wanted Howard to replay that interview over and over again. Howard was going to go to break so he asked if he should replay both of the interviews as he's doing that. Ralph thought they were both great and he should do that. Bong Hit Eric called in as he was about to go to break and said that David Lee Roth is hard to take in big doses, he really needs to be taken in small doses. Howard told Eric that Joel Hollander knows what he's doing, he used to work with Imus so he knows radio inside and out. Eric took a hit off his bong and got a few laughs out of the guys. Howard wondered why Ralph didn't show up to the Scores party on Saturday night. Ralph said that his sister was in town and he was hanging out with her instead. He wasn't all that bummed about that though.
Bong Hit Eric asked Howard about what's on this week on Howard 100. They have Angry Black and King of All Blacks on tonight and maybe High Pitch on Thursday. Ralph missed the whole conversation about Double A earlier in the morning but Howard didn't want to play the clip again because he was asked not to. Eric told Howard that he was going to do a hit of pot with a little hash on top. Eric ended up coughing up a storm as he took the hit. Howard said that he may sub in his parents on Thursday if they can't do the High Pitch Eric thing on Thursday. Tomorrow night, after Howard 100 News, they have Sour Shoes the one man band taking requests on Howard 100.
Dropping Loads Porn Star Nick Manning Visits. 10/25/07. 7:25am
Howard had the guys bring in this Nick Manning porn star guy. He's the ''dropping loads'' guy. Howard played some examples of his scenes where he's talking about dropping his loads. They had some song parodies with his dropping loads lines in them. Howard told Nick that he's probably the first big male porn star to break through. He doesn't know the names of anyone else in the business but he knows him because of his catch line.
Howard said there are only a few other guys in the business that you know by name. Robin asked him if his price goes up with name recognition. Nick said that he owns his own product so he gets paid on that. He doesn't make a lot doing the movies until they're sold.
Howard said that Nick has a new movie out called The Valkyries and he plays a spy/porn star in the movie. He's transformed himself into a hero in the movies and he goes after terrorists in this one. The terrorists are all women of course. Howard said that Nick saves the day by fucking to death, the villains in the movie.
Howard played some clips of Nick doing his thing with one of the terrorists in the movie. He's face fucking the chick and calling her names as he's doing her. In another clip he's banging a chick and yelling at her to fuck him. Howard asked him to describe that scene. Nick said that she was just banging him really hard in that one. He told the guys about some other scenes.
Howard asked Nick if his parents encouraged him to do this stuff. Nick said that they don't really encourage him to do it but his father does kind of look at him like he's proud of him. He said that he actually brought his father with him and had him watching him doing a hot chick one time. His father didn't say much to him after that but he did ask the chick if she was ashamed of herself. She shot right back and asked him if he was ashamed of himself.
Howard asked Nick if he would do Robin. Nick said that he'd love to drop loads on her big black cans. Howard asked Robin, who has lost a lot of weight, if she would do Nick. He told her to stand up and show off her new body. She did that but refused to take her top off. Howard said that Robin was talking to him about how she's ready to date so he wondered why she wouldn't go out with him and let him fuck her. She said ''Oh please!'' when she was asked about that. Howard told her that she could get laid and not worry about the attachment.
Robin said she'd be worried about the disease and stuff like that. She said that she just wouldn't do that stuff because she's not like that. Howard said he'd do that if it was him. Robin said that a big cock isn't always the best thing either.
Nick brought in a gift for Robin and it was a vibrator. He told her to open it up. She opened it up and said ''Ooo! It's waterproof!'' She showed it to the guys and Artie said she could jerk off in a lagoon somewhere.
Howard asked Nick if he's getting a reality show. Nick said they're in discussions to do it. He said that they want to cover a lot of stuff for the show. He said he's working on a book called ''Dropping Loads'' and he's got a lot of other stuff going on in his life. He has his own store and stuff like that as well.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Nick talks too much in his films. He said that he's always doing that talking shit in the movies. Nick told him that you're not supposed to masturbate to his movies, you're supposed to invite chicks over and fuck them while watching the movies.
Howard read that nick wanted to have a sack-o-plasty on his scrotum because he thinks his balls hang too low. He said it was kind of a goof when he came up with the idea so he's not sure if he'd do that. Howard also brought up how Nick shaves his balls down and asked him if he has hairs on his shaft like he does. Nick said he does have some on his shaft but only about 2 inches up. Howard said his go up about half way. Nick said he shaves his down with a Mach 3 razor. Howard uses clippers on his.
Howard talked to Nick about how he has women that will hire him to fuck them. He said that he'd do that for Robin but he wasn't even looking to get paid for something like that. Howard asked him what kind of money he gets for something like that. Nick said it's really good money and it really surprises him how much it is. He said that the most famous woman he ever had was a movie star. He said that she was real established and she's in her 40's at this point. She's not an Oscar winner but she's really hot. He said that he was doing that kind of thing before he was even in adult films.
Nick talked about how he got in touch with that chick. He said he got an email from her and responded to that. He offered to do that for Robin but she didn't seem interested. Howard jokingly threw out names like Beatrice Arthur being the chick he was talking about. Nick wasn't going to tell them who it was though. Nick said they went off to a Caribbean island and spent some time there together. He said that he gets the money and then they set the date and he gets the rest of the money when they get there. Nick said that there are a few women he'd do for free like Cher. He said that he's really into her and also into Cheryl Tieggs, even as she looks today.
He was trying to figure out who the 40 year old chick was. Benjy wanted to shoot off a bunch of rapid fire questions to try and figure out who this chick was. He asked a bunch of questions but didn't get any closer to finding out who she was. Benjy guessed that it was Desmond Tutu after going through a few questions. Robin said that they should ''rapidly fire'' Benjy.
Howard said that they have some big news. Nick has some ring tones available now. They're available at NickManning.com. Nick said that he'll even do custom ring tones for people. Howard gave him a plug for the web site AdultFilmInvestment.com and LA-Exotique.com. That last one was for his lingerie store. Nick said that they're trying to kick him out of the store even though he's legal.
Howard ended up setting up Robin on a date with Nick for Friday night. Robin is going out with a bunch of friends on Friday night and she said that he could come along with them. Howard said that's amazing. Robin said she's doing a girls night that night and it's going to be very interesting. Robin said that she didn't want to say who was going to be there but Howard knows who some of them are.
Nick mentioned this Brittany Starr chick who Artie made out with on the show recently. Nick said that he did her in a movie and she was close to being the best sex he's ever had. The Howard TV guys showed Nick the video of Artie making out with her. Howard told Artie that her mouth had Nick's load in it. Nick asked Artie how he tasted.
Howard asked Nick if he's got a big cock. Nick said it's about 8 inches but it's really thick. Artie told Robin to stick an apple on the tip of her vagina to prepare for him. Nick was telling Robin that he'd love to touch her boobs at least, even if he can't drop a load on them. Robin said that they're just going to go out and have a good time.
Howard showed Nick some video of Robin's nipples getting hard. She said that was disgusting. Howard told the Howard TV crew to go out with Robin and Nick on Friday night. She said that she may have to ask her girlfriends if they're okay with him coming out with them. She said they might not want a guy invading their night out.
Howard asked Nick if he can last for like 20 minutes having sex. Nick said that he gets a blow job for like 30 minutes. He said that he has to last for hours. Howard said that it's almost impossible to last that long when he's inside a woman going in and out. Nick said that his is kind of desensitized from doing it so much. Howard said he was sick of Nick and his life of banging so he wrapped up the interview and went to break.
Mike Masturbates 8 To 10 Times A Day. 10/25/02. 7:15am
Howard took a call from this guy Mike who claims to pleasure himself 8-10 times a day. He said he's 31 years old. He was speaking very low so it was hard to hear what he was saying. Mike claims that he's tried to stop pleasuring himself by putting stuff on his penis like rubber bands and tape so he won't whack it. Howard read some of the things that he's done but had to read it like a 5 year old so the FCC won't get after him. Howard asked the guy why he can't just enjoy it and keep doing it. Mike said he's even doing it at work so it is a problem. The guy wouldn't say where he works but did say that he's working in the newspaper business.
Howard read some of the other stuff Mike has done to try and stop himself from masturbating. He said he's taped it and tried to staple it to the side of his leg. He also said something about using shampoo on it because it burns. After hearing some of this stuff Robin said he could be in the ''Jackass'' movie.
Adam Carolla said that maybe he should poke his eyes out since pictures of girls in newspapers even get him off. Howard went on to read more stuff about him like how he tried to use dry ice, novocaine and even had bees sting his scrotum to try and put a stop to the masturbation. He even slammed his penis in a door one time. Robin asked him if he's tried therapy. He hasn't. Adam suggested putting it in a wood chipper to take care of the problem. Howard said Mike is doing this to hide from whatever it is that's bothering him in his life. Howard said he must have some pain that he's trying to hide and that's why he does it so much.
A guy called in and said that he once tried Ben-Gay on his penis when he was a teenager and it burned. He said there was nothing that could get it off either.
Robin suggested therapy again but Adam and Howard didn't seem to think it's that big of a problem. Howard said he once did it 5 times in one day and he knows of other guys who did it multiple times a day. Robin said she knew a guy who did it 6 times a day and he was an executive in a big company. Another caller told the guy it's not a big deal to do it unless it's effecting his life, which it seems like it is. Howard spent a couple more minutes with the guy and said he doesn't think it's that big of a problem. Howard also talked about how the guy's personality was really bad. He said it sounded like the guy just crawled out from under a rock. Adam and Howard goofed on him for a little while after Howard got off the phone with him.
It's Official, David Lee Roth Replacing Howard. 10/25/05. 7:25am
Gary came in and interrupted saying that their mystery guest had showed up and wanted to come right into the studio. Howard wanted to do a set up and get his glasses on first. Artie wanted to guess who the big guest was. He thinks that it's Bill Maher. Howard was thinking it was Richard Simmons or Pat Cooper. Gary told him that he shouldn't be nervous and went out to bring the person in. It turned out to be David Lee Roth. Howard said this is good because he's rumored to be replacing him when he leaves. Howard said he knew that something was happening today. Howard asked Dave how he was doing and talked about how he will be replacing him. David told Howard that he can't ''replace'' Howard Stern, he'll just be taking over that spot. Dave told Howard that this is his first and last stop on the show before Christmas. Howard said that if Dave fails it'll be great because it will drive even more people to satellite radio. Dave said that's the good part about being friends with Howard, there's nothing wrong with that.
Dave told Howard that his show won't be the same type of show that Howard has been doing. He's seen other talk shows around the country and most of them are scripted while Howard Stern is just being Howard Stern. He talked about his days touring around the country with Van Halen and Infinity is giving him freedom to do whatever he wants to do on his radio show. Howard said he heard that Dave will be making $4 million a year when he starts there. Dave said he doesn't even need to do a show like that because he can make a lot more than that touring. He's doing it because it's been a dream of his to have a radio show like that for years.
Howard asked Dave how Infinity has been able to keep him hidden for so long. Dave told Howard that his father passed away a while a go and he ended up getting involved in the Emergency Medical Technician field for a couple of years. He's still going out on calls at least once a week in New York City. He said he's only been recognized 2 or 3 times out of all of the calls he's been on. He works in the 'hoods where he doesn't get recognized all that well.
Howard told Dave about how he created this network of radio stations over years and years of hard work. He begged the company to syndicate his show to Philadelphia and they put up a fight for so long. Dave said that Howard has proven that the local deejay is a thing of the past. Howard told Dave that a local guy can be a force to be reckoned with though and a lot of guys are going to be gunning for him. Dave doesn't seem to mind that and he's looking forward to it. Howard asked Dave if it's true that he was over at Jack FM practicing his show. Dave has a way of avoiding a question and won't answer it directly so he ended up talking about Howard's board and how he had it created for himself like a guitar player would have a guitar built for himself.
Dave said that he's wanted to do this since he was a kid so he's really looking forward to doing the show. He told Howard that he still sits down once a week and listens to records, one song at a time, just like he did when he was 10 years old. Howard told him that he may have to open up his private life to make for a good radio show and Dave is ready to do that. Howard said Dave has never really opened up before because no one knows what's going on with his love live. He claims he's heard that Dave is gay before but Dave thought he was just saying that himself, not hearing it from anyone. Dave said that he has banged many hot chicks that had 2 legs in their pants and people should know that already. Dave said that his show is not a comedy show. He's not going to have a whole crew working with him but he will be taking over in markets like New York, Boston, Cleveland, West Palm Beach, Pittsburgh and Dallas. Gary said that Adam Carolla will be taking over in markets like L.A., San Diego and Portland among others and Jimmy Kimmel will be a consultant for his show.
Dave said that he's actually shooting for the Rush Limbaugh audience, not even really for Howard's audience. He's thinking that he could end up in the same markets as Adam Carolla because they'll have two different types of shows. Gary told Howard that they have this guy Rover who will be taking over in a few markets like Chicago, Detroit and Memphis. The whole Stern affiliate market is going to be split up with a bunch of these guys. Penn Gillette will also have a 1 hour show in some of the markets. Dave said he doesn't care who follows him and isn't even thinking about a Penn Gillette following him. Gary said that they have some tape of what David Lee Roth was doing over at Jack FM but it was actually comedian Billy Mira doing an impression of him.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who told Dave he was already going to change stations to Z-100 when he heard him on the show. Robin asked Howard if he would be a guest on Dave's show. Howard said he would absolutely do that and Dave thought that would be great. Howard asked Dave what he thinks is going to happen with satellite radio. He had some round about answer about how it all depends on what the companies let their personalities do. Howard said that he needs the freedom to do what he wants on satellite radio and he just doesn't have the freedom to do it on terrestrial radio anymore. Dave said he supports him on the freedom thing and appreciates the fact that he's making that move. Howard told Dave that putting together that network of affiliates across the country was one of the greatest things he's ever done in his life. He wished Dave luck with his show and offered to get up and walk out right now if Dave was ready to take over for him. Dave asked him what he's been waiting for if that's the case. Howard said he's got a contract that he has to honor and he can't just walk away. He asked Dave if he wanted to take over the show for the rest of the morning but Dave wasn't interested.
Howard had Tom Chiusano come in to meet his new employee. He also asked Dave if he's going to keep the studio the same way it is now. Dave said that he wants to lighten it up and have some windows in there. Tom came in and told Howard that they're going to have Dave working in that studio and they will open it up so he has windows in there. Tom told Howard that he's excited about the future and he can't wait to work with him. Howard felt that Dave was being a bit odd with him this morning but Gary and Tom didn't think that was the case, he was just letting Howard know that he was going to be his own man. Howard doesn't understand how Tom can just give Dave his own studio to start off with since he had to work so hard to get one himself. Dave said he can do what Howard does so that's why they're giving him his own studio. They haven't set up his whole staff yet so there were a lot of unanswered questions.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that he was hoping that Sammy Hagar would take over for Howard. Howard asked Dave if Sammy will take over for him if his show fails. Dave said ''absolutely.'' The caller said that Imus has already been talking about how Infinity will have to come to him once David Lee and Adam Carolla's shows fail. The guys goofed on Imus and pointed out that he's got some really low ratings and couldn't fill in for Howard or for Dave. Dave changed subjects and asked Robin about her upcoming TV show and if she was staying with Howard. She said she will be doing the radio show and the TV show at the same time. That's coming up next fall for those who didn't know.
Howard asked Artie for his thoughts on David taking over for them. Artie said he had no idea that Dave would be in that realm of taking over so he was a bit surprised. Dave said he thinks that it's like a lateral move for him from rock star to radio show host. Howard took a call from Ralph who said that they all love Dave but just because he has been a great guest on the show doesn't mean that he'll make for a great host. Howard told Ralph that it's all about Dave keeping people listening to his show. That's what Ralph said that Howard is great at and that's why so many people have been listening to his show for so long.
Howard said that maybe he is a little bitter about the industry not backing him up against the FCC and the religious right. He said they could have done it and fought them but the industry didn't do it, they just caved in. Ralph led the guys into a political discussion about the President and how he isn't doing this country any good with the FCC. The guys were debating a little bit but Howard told Dave he'll have all the time in the world to do that stuff on his own show once that starts. He doesn't know how Dave will do on his show but he predicts that he will do great when he moves to satellite himself. Howard said he'll be happy once people start to make that move to satellite. He's wishing everyone luck in their markets but Gary said that he doesn't wish the guys luck down in Washington DC because the program director down there has been cutting off the show early to get their afternoon guys on instead.
Dave asked Howard about what happens when Howard says certain words on the air and if there's a list of the stuff they can say and can't say on the air. Howard told Dave he's in for a big wake up call and explained to him how there's a new guy in charge at the FCC and how he's going to have to really watch himself once he starts his show. He also told Dave that the government is looking to fine individuals for their indecency complains and that law is in the works now. Howard said that they will have to bow down to the FCC and their ridiculous rules, there's no question about it. He pointed out that Clear Channel's profits dropped 21 percent recently and he's so happy about that. Ralph said that all of the terrestrial radio companies are going to be losing money once people move to satellite. Ralph also told Dave that he's got to watch himself because the FCC and the religious right will have to find another lightning rod to go after and make an example out of. He's got to watch himself now.
Howard found out that all of these affiliates are going to be going to an all talk format. Tom told Howard that their new Free FM logo is referring to their talk format because every one is free to speak. That got everyone laughing because the jocks won't be free to speak because the company has to keep everyone restrained so they don't get fined by the FCC. Ralph told Tom that people get what they pay for... Tom told Ralph to stop because he was basically doing an ad for satellite. Howard said that if he wants him on his radio show, he thinks that the suits at the company won't allow it and that will be the first time Dave will have to bow down to the company's rules.
Howard gave Dave a plug for his show which will be starting up on January 3rd, 2006. Howard starts on satellite on January 9th. Gary had a whole list of what will be happening in each market and there are a lot of shows replacing Howard in all of those markets. Tom was looking kind of shaken up according to Howard and Dave. Tom told Howard that they've been together so long that it's going to be quite a change. It's like he's losing his family. Howard thanked Dave for coming in and went to break.
Josh's Corpse Problems. 10/25/00. 8:25am
This 22 year old guy by the name of Josh called in to tell Howard about what he did with a corpse earlier this morning. Howard was under the impression the guy had sex with a corpse but Josh told him that was a different one a long time ago. This time he took LSD then took a corpse from a funeral home and left her on the doorstep of a guy who used to beat him up when he was younger. The details were hazy but for some reason he wrote on the dead girls chest ''You did this to me'', propped her up on the door, rang the doorbell and ran away. He hid in the bushes until he heard sirens. He then ran to a friends house and has been hiding out since. He said that it was this guy's fault that the girl died but, once again, the details were very unclear. He said he was really scared and wanted money from Howard for bail. He kept asking Howard to give him some money for when he gets arrested. He wasn't even sure if he'd done anything that could get him arrested though. Howard and Robin both suggested that he get himself checked into a mental institution. A couple of guys called in and said that they've had sex with corpses and Josh related to their stories. Josh had done one in the past but he didn't talk that much about it. It sounds like his father owns the funeral home that he stole the corpse from so that's probably how he had sex with the other corpse. Some callers told him he needs help and some of them wanted to get a hold of him to cut his balls off.
A cop called in and said there is a law in Pennsylvania that he could be arrested for. Bloated Attorney Dominic Barbara called in and said that this guy could be sued by the family of the dead girl also.
Howard tried to let the guy win a prize by guessing the name of a couple of old 1970's songs but he was unable to get them correct. He got the name of one but didn't know the name of the band so Howard didn't let him win the prize. Josh begged Howard to give him the prize but Howard ended up hanging up on the guy. One listener pointed out that the story wasn't in the news but Josh claims it just happened at 4am today.
Howard Tries To Make Up With Meg Griffin. 10/25/1988. 8:35am
Howard had DJ Meg Griffin come in before they ended the show. He said he wanted to make up with her about something that had gone on with them. He played a clip of this new thing they had given Jackie on the station where he gets a minute to do a quick show. They sprung that on Meg because she had no idea what was going on.
Meg came in to talk about this thing with Jackie. She was also upset about something that they had played on the air and claimed it was an accident. Howard said that it really was a mistake and he'd take a polygraph test to prove it.
Meg told Robin that she met one of her friends who told her that she had a palm reading done. Robin told her that those people are pulling her leg because she doesn't do that stuff.
Howard told Meg that he really did hit the wrong tape the other day when he played the Tawana Brawley tape. He was trying to play a clip of Meg but it turned out to be the wrong one. Howard said that he wasn't trying to upset her and he wasn't going to replay it today.
Howard played the tape of Jackie doing his joke show during Meg's shift. He was telling a bunch of dopey jokes and Meg laughed at a couple of them. She said she was laughing at a bunch of them, they just couldn't hear them.
Howard asked Meg if it was that time of month when she got all upset with him last week. She said it wasn't that time. Howard played another clip of Jackie doing his thing during another one of Meg's shows. Jackie said that they asked him to do this thing as soon as possible so he rushed them on the air. Jackie blamed the station for making him do them the way he did. Howard blamed Jackie for all of that because he was the one demanding more air time.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Meg about her marriage and found out that she wasn't having sex with her boyfriend when she was working with Howard at WRNW. Howard found that hard to believe. He told Meg that she must be really uptight. He said that she was with him for like a year before she had sex with him then. He said she must be something else for that guy to go that long without having sex with her. Howard said that Robin processes men like cheese and he can't believe Meg went that long without her man.
Howard said that he was going to continue this conversation tomorrow. Robin threw in a couple more quick news stories before they wrapped up. Howard couldn't let the story about Meg's sex life drop so he asked her more about that. Meg didn't want to get into too many details but she did mention that her in-laws were on the honeymoon. Meg said that Howard was going to get her into trouble if he kept talking about this.
Howard said he has to go home and think about this some more tonight and come back tomorrow to talk more about it. He later said that he's never going to bring it up again, until tomorrow. He asked Meg to come in at 7 tomorrow morning. He wrapped up the show a short time later.
In the clip Robin was reading some news and read a story about a mother who locked her kid in a trunk. Howard and Robin were talking about the story when Stuttering John came in and told them that people are saying the woman who locked the kid in the trunk had braces. He said they're not cheap so she must have some money. Jackie was laughing at John trying to get a word out during that discussion.
Robin read a story about a kid who was kept locked in a closet from the age of 2 on. Howard said he heard her best friend was a coat hanger. Howard and Robin spent a short time talking and joking about that story. Howard asked how they found that kid. Robin said they had some tips from some neighbors. She's not sure how they knew though. Howard pretended to be the kid in the closet talking to the rest of the family from inside. Howard was asking what a sun tan is and what the sky is. Howard was asking who would change the moth balls if the parents were arrested. He asked if he could live in the bathroom when the parents are arrested. He wanted to move into a larger space. He said his underwear was quite foul at this point. Howard and the guys kept joking about the story until Howard said he had to end the show.
In the clip Howard said that when they got fired from NBC Fred stuck around for a while with Al Rosenberg. Howard said that kind of got under his skin and he's sure that's what NBC was going for.
Howard asked Fred what time he got into work there. Fred said he was there early but they had less people working there so he had to pick up the slack.
Howard said Fred was writing a song parody a day. Fred said he did that to fill space and take up time before joining Howard over at K-Rock.
Howard did his impression of Fred talking to him when he was over there working for Imus and Soupy Sales. Howard said Fred finally came to his senses and left. Howard said they were going to sue Fred even though he had no contract there. Howard said he's not sure what they were going to sue him over. Howard said he kept calling Fred at home trying to get in touch and he wouldn't answer. Howard said Fred was afraid he was going to be served a subpoena for something. Howard said Randy told him that they never filed anything. Fred said that's bull because he saw the pouch of stuff outside his door.
Howard said they were fighting over Fred over there. Gary said they thought they had a written commitment but they weren't able to find it so they were all freaking out trying to find it. Howard said it's a miracle he got Gary over there. Howard said they actually hired Gary. He said they had a good show so he figured they should just bring the whole thing over there to K-Rock. Gary said he never thought he was going to see Howard again.
Howard said Fred was doing some of the same parodies that they were doing on this show. Howard said he could have done his best to keep that kind of stuff off the air. Howard asked Fred if he has copies of that stuff. Fred said he'll see if he can dig it up... when hell freezes over. Howard said next Monday they'll start Fred Week where they play his best bits. Fred didn't sound happy about that. He mentioned Jackie's ''Nonsense at Noon'' show that he had. Howard asked what happened to that show. Howard said Jackie wanted his own show and they gave him one. Jackie said he didn't ask for a show. He said he asked for more money and they said to justify it then he'd have to do more work. He said he was thrilled about the show but he didn't ask for it.
Howard asked Jackie what happened to the show. Jackie said Mark Chernoff told him they wanted to do music since they weren't seeing any boost in ratings. He said they weren't able to see a spike in the ratings. Howard said he has a lot of other stuff to get to and he's running out of time. Howard said he blames Fred.
Scott The Engineer's Bowling Tournament. 10/25/10. 9:20am
After the break we heard a Riley Martin show clip where he read some fake names that Sal and Richard sent into him. Fred also played Far East Movement's ''Like a G6'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and asked what song that was. Fred told him it was the number one song in the country. Howard hadn't heard of the band before.
Howard said he was busy watching video of Scott the Engineer bowling. He said he starts today in the PBA tournament. He had an appearance the other day and only 12 people showed up. He said that was his warm up and this week he'll be competing in a professional league. Howard said Gary bet Scott that he wouldn't do better than a 150 average out there.
Howard said that they had the head of the PBA call into the Wrap Up Show and he thinks that Scott will be dead last. Howard played that clip from last week's show. The PBA guy, Tom, said Scott will not be competing for a title out there.
Howard said he heard it's really hard to make money bowling even when you're the number one guy out there. Howard said that you'd like to think he could earn $300,000 or more but the best guy only makes like $100,000. Robin said it all depends on the sport you're playing.
Howard played another clip of that guy Tom talking about how he thinks Scott will do. He said that Scott isn't a professional and he can't think that he'll have a professional career if he's just bowling a few times a week.
Howard said Scott is gone for the whole week doing this thing. He got the whole week off to go bowl. Howard said they had him on some bowling show but it was so boring that he wasn't able to listen to it. Howard defied the audience to stay awake during this next clip. He said Scott was telling the interviewer that he was so excited but there wasn't a tone that would make you believe it.
Howard played the clip of Scott being interviewed and Scott said it is possible for a league bowler to get there. He said he made it. Scott was telling the guy how he got on the tournament and told a joke about how Howard wanted to drill holes in his head because it looks like a bowling ball. Howard cut it off and said this is impossible to listen to. Howard played more of Scott talking and saying that he's like a bowling ambassador. He was there to try and help the PBA and bring notoriety to the sport that has been lagging for the past 10 years or so. Scott said he's glad because he loves bowling.
Howard said he's known Scott for like 25 years and he still can't get through a conversation with him. Howard said he heard that Scott's sister died recently so he got on the phone to talk to him about that. Howard said he got on the phone and told Scott that he was going to send some food over. Then he found out that it wasn't Scott's sister, it was his wife's sister. Howard said Scott didn't correct him while they were talking. Howard said that he thought it was Scott's sister but it was his wife's sister and he's not sure he would have done that or not if he knew that before. Howard said it's just hard to talk to the guy.
Howard said they had to berate Scott into keeping the dog that they got that had bad hips. He said that Scott was going to get rid of it until he spoke to him about it.
Howard asked Robin if she has ever spoken to Scott before. Robin said of course she has. She was stuck in the car with him on 9/11.
Scott called in so Howard asked if the guys had called him. Gary said that they didn't call, Scott called them. Scott said he just wanted to show how boring he can be so that's why he called in. Howard said he was just going to sit there and let Scott talk. Scott had nothing to say.
Scott said his first match is today at 2pm New York time. He said you can go on PBA.com/ExtraFrame to watch. He said he should be one of the highlighted things on there so it shouldn't be hard to find.
Howard asked Scott how he was doing during practice. Scott said he threw a lot of strikes but not every one. Howard told Scott this is his first opportunity to have a Rocky story. He said this is his chance to break his unlucky streak and turn things around. Howard told him not to come back next week and tell him he had blisters and a big hand from practicing so that's why he failed. Howard told him to get back out there and be Rocky. Scott said he will finish in the top 200. Howard told him to go do it. He said he was ready to hang up on Scott from boredom. Howard said if boredom knocked the pins down then he'd be the champion.
Howard said he heard that Scott had 12 whole people at his appearance. Scott just laughed. Gary said Scott was out at a club introducing a band. He had some audio of that. Howard played the clip even though he didn't want to. Scott was at Club Madrid and went up to introduce the band. He said that he had never seen this band but he was told they were the worst band in Las Vegas. Then he said ''Not really...'' Scott then introduced Naugahide. Howard asked Scott what the fuck he was doing in that clip. Scott said they were voted the best band in Las Vegas and they were the ones who suggested he introduce them like that.
Ralph called in and told Howard he was trapped in the hall with Scott one day and he had a hard time pulling himself away from him. He said he's like death. Ralph said he talked to him for like 20 minutes about his bowling balls and stuff. He said that Howard TV is wasting film on this. Howard said that TV show should be great. He said it'll show how nothing ever works out for Scott. He said that Scott will fuck it all up in some way. Howard said he could have a Rocky situation but Scott will fuck it up.
Robin said she thinks this is Scott's moment and he'll never have this conversation with him again. Howard said he hopes that's the case.
Howard said he hopes that Scott does have that Rocky moment. He asked Scott if they have a bowling reference he can say to him on the phone. Scott said he can tell him to bowl 300. Howard said he had to get out of this conversation. He said he's not sure why he's talking to him. He said the whole audience has probably tuned out.
Howard said he hopes that Scott does well but it's never worked out for him. Doug Goodstein came in and said that he's been stuck in that bowling vortex for like a month now and it's the worst assignment he's ever put his guys on. Doug said that he has to deal with Scott and he just doesn't hear what he's saying sometimes. Howard said that Doug is a boring guy and he can't even talk to Scott. Howard said he had to talk to Doug over the weekend and he wanted to get off the phone as quick as he could. He said that Doug is very boring. Doug said they had a nice conversation though.
Howard heard that Scott has been complaining that Howard 100 News hasn't been covering him enough. Doug said they're going to be adding a 2 minute bonus package to the daily shows this week for the Scott stuff.
Howard said he used to love watching bowling on TV. He said this show might be interesting when they show some of it. Howard said it's kind of interesting to see Scott bowl. He said that he's boring when he talks but he might be good at bowling. Howard had the guys play some of the video of him bowing in front of his 12 fans. Howard said he was interested in that.
Doug told Howard that the guys Scott was practicing with all looked like him. Howard said he has the feeling that he'll end up coming back with some kind of problem after this. Doug said he thinks he'll get his lace stuck in a escalator or something and break his ankle. Howard said that when Scott comes back they should just never speak of this bowling thing ever again. Robin said that she borrowed Scott's car and she heard the ball rolling around in his trunk the whole time.
Howard heard that Scott was saying that Gary was ''stealing his thunder'' by appearing on Letterman tonight. Ronnie came in to talk about that. He said that Scott said that all they'd be talking about was Gary's book after that appearance. Ronnie said that Scott was crying about all of that. Howard said Scott is a loser's loser. Ronnie said Howard doesn't know the half of it. He said that Scott is so obsessed with bowling. He said he talks to himself about it and to him about it. He said that he watches the pros bowling and giving instruction and stuff.
Ronnie said Scott shipped out his bowling balls and he ended up tracking the balls as they went across the country. Doug said Scott was bothering him about the shirts they got him and how the tags were going to annoy him and maybe ruin his game. Ronnie said he loves all of this stuff. He said he loves talking to him about it and hearing about all of this. He said that this is the thrill of Scott's life.
Howard asked if Ronnie was going to watch this stuff on the internet. Ronnie said he's still going to be with Howard when Scott is bowling. Howard said he'll be in therapy around then. He said he won't be able to tell this guy any jokes. He said he's never been able to do that.
Robin said she's going to be on Joy Behar tonight so she'll be stealing Scott's thunder too. Ronnie said Scott is going to be pissed about that.
Ronnie said that Scott went to practice one day and the Howard 100 News didn't show up there so he flipped out on them. Then he refused to talk to Shuli one day because of that. That led to Howard and Fred doing their Scott impressions and making that ''Chh'' sound.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 11:45am.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:40am.