For the week of 04/04/2011 to 04/08/2011

• George Takei Sits In. 04/04/11. 6:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: A Baba Booey song parody to the theme of Hawaii 5-0 theme, a Bernie Mac comedy bit about kids, an Eric the Midget song parody, a clip from an educational film about penis enlargement, Shaw Blades performing ''Feels Like The First Time'' live in the Howard Stern Show studio, Yoko Ono's ''People of Earth... How are you?'' clip.

  Howard started the show introducing George Takei who was sitting in this week. George did a quick announce to introduce the show. George said this was his first visit for this year. He said it's been 4 months since he last saw them all. Howard said it had been too long. He told George to live long and prosper. George said he's doing that and getting up at 4 am to do it.

  Howard said George is turning 74 soon. April 20th actually. Howard said he looks good. George said he believes in the law of nature and he abides by the law. Howard said he must be upset that his partner Brad is not thin. George said Brad used to be fantastic looking. He said brad does walk with him in the morning. He said he's usually at his computer when he's doing his sit-ups and push-ups. Howard said that must upset him.

  Howard said he and Beth both think that they'd be upset if the other person didn't take care of themselves. He said you want the other person to be reasonably fit. Robin asked what happened with Brad. George said he used to be a journalist and it was a high pressure job. He smoked and got some bad habits from that world. He said he became his manager and he didn't have the pressures later on. Howard said he must want to see him thin. George said he would like that. He said that he has to do a lot of imagining when he's with him. Howard said he must like to turn off the lights or stare at a certain part of him. George said he searches for the musculature while they're wrestling. Howard asked what he does to find the musculature. He said he squeezes him really tight.

  George said that they have been together for 24 years now. He said next year is their silver anniversary. Howard asked if he would ever cheat. George said he's been tempted many times but he wouldn't hurt the man he really loves. Howard asked if he gets propositioned on the cruises and conventions. George said he gets innuendos in bars and stuff too. Robin asked what they say. Howard said they must say ''Hi Sugar Tits'' and things like that. Howard said George is in good shape and guys must be looking for someone to be their sugar daddy. George said that's what he thinks when these people come on to him. He said there are guys who will touch him and the juices do start flowing.

  Howard asked what he's doing in bars alone. George said he's not there alone. They're out together when these guys come up to him. George said they'll roam around and that's when the people will come up to him.

  George said he is now working on a Nickelodeon show called Suppa Ninjas. He said they have a whole new generation of fans. He realized that they're on Sirius but the conversation was a bit wild. George said he's been working on the series since January.

  Howard said Wolfie was out at this Monster Mania convention and he heard this tape and it made him think of George. He played the clip and the guy had a bit of a speech impediment as he was talking about the people he met there. Howard and George chuckled a bit while the guy was talking to Wolfie.

  Howard asked George how it is to be on those cruises he goes on. George said he can go to his cabin if he has to. He said he will wander around the ship and he likes the fans to join him. Howard said George is a good dude. He said he would hang himself if he was stuck on a cruise like that.

  Howard asked George how his bedbug situation is. George said they seem to be gone from their apartment. he's not scratching this morning.

• George Takei's Tweets. 04/04/11. 6:15am
  Howard asked George if he's been Tweeting himself. George said he does stockpile some of them. He said the content is his but Brad will put it out there for him. Howard said it doesn't feel like his words, it feels like Brad's words. George said that he writes 99 percent of it himself. Howard said he can smell Brad with the Tweets. Howard said others have pointed it out too. Howard said that they can smell out a rat. George laughed and said that he's more of a mouse.

  Howard said he was on Twitter this weekend and figured he's Tweet out 5 or 7 things and then people yell at him for Tweeting too much. Howard said he will do 6 or 7 and then people yell at him so he leaves. George told him to spread it out more. He said that there are topical ones you have to do immediately but you have to spread them out.

  Howard asked George if he got mad at Gilbert Gottfried for what he did. George said that's Gilbert and we all know Gilbert. He wasn't all that offended by what he said. He ended up telling Howard that he gets upset with the way people say Tsunami without the T in it. He said that a lot of people are saying ''sunami'' and not ''tsunami.'' Howard started to sing ''You say Tsunami, I say Sunami'' and tried to get that song going but George was singing it with the original lyrics.

• Howard To Staff: Stop Bothering Guests. 04/04/11. 6:20am
  Howard said Richard's birthday was on Friday. He wished him a happy birthday and then asked George if he's going to his wedding. George said they are going to be able to because they will be in town. Howard said he heard that Richard was going to ask George to marry him and his fiancee. Howard said there are a lot of people there who bother the guests. George said he feels like a member of the family and not just a guest. Howard said he doesn't want the guests being nudged. He said Steve Langford's daughter wants to bother him too. He said that George is there to be part of the show and not to be bothered with school projects and things like that.

  George said he's okay with all of this. Howard said Steve Langford shouldn't be bothering him to do this stuff. He said the guys who work for him should not be bothering him. George said he does it for a lot of people. Howard said he knows that but he doesn't want his people bothering him. He said he has 3 daughters and he would never ask a guest to do something for them. He said he would feel that he's putting him out.

  Howard said he wants people to leave the guests alone. George let out a chuckle and Howard said that means he agrees with him.

  Richard said he was going to ask George at dinner and there was going to be no pressure. Howard said there's no pressure for Richard, there is pressure for George. George said he can't do it anyway because he's going to be there doing a workshop. Howard said he knows Richard wants the same kind of thing he had at his wedding with Mark Conseulos but that's not going to happen. He told Richard to leave George alone and bother someone like Coheed and Cambria to marry him instead. Richard said maybe they will.

  Richard said George is there because he pitched him at a meeting years ago. Howard said the only reason Richard is there is because he's insane. Howard told him to get back to work. He wants to hear more phony phone calls. He wants 3 a day. Richard said they have a new one that Howard loves. He's only played it once.

  Howard asked where Steve Langford was. He wanted to yell at him too. Howard said he gets requests from people to do stuff for them. George said he gets that too. Howard said everyone around there should know better. He said it's inappropriate. Howard said George is too nice.

  Gary told Howard that Steve was on his way down. Howard said he knows he's going to get worked up with Steve. He has to try and stay calm. He said he was reading an interview with a woman who was in a relationship with a woman for a long time. She decided to start dating guys and now she's married to a man. He said he didn't think there was such thing as bi-sexuality but now he's believing there is. George said he was but now he's mono-sexual with Brad. Howard said he's Brad-sexual.

  Gary came in and said that Langford won't come back. He said that the topic is off limits. Howard said that's bullshit. He's talking about Steve arranging for an interview with a guest of his. Howard said this isn't talking about his daughter. He's talking about Steve. Gary said Steve won't come in. Howard said he has to come in eventually. He said the logic of hiding behind his daughter is ludicrous. He's hiding because he doesn't want to hear his opinion of this. Gary said he did say ''point well taken.'' Howard said that's good but he'd rather have him on the air saying that.

  Robin said she finds this very interesting. She said that he will complain about people who don't answer his questions. Howard said he'll talk to Steve when he comes in to do the news later.

• George's Upcoming Movie With Tom Hanks And Julia Roberts. 04/04/11. 6:30am
  Howard asked George about doing a movie with Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts. George said he did that and he did about 6 scenes. He said that movie comes out in July. Howard asked how Julia Roberts looks these days. George said that she plays a frustrated, angry woman on the verge of divorce. He said it's a tough role. He told Howard more about the movie and the part he plays in it. He said that Tom takes some courses in school and he plays a professor in the movie. George said he has to work a good day on the script to get the stuff inside him. Howard said it sounds like a day with Brad. Howard said he's looking forward to that.

  Howard asked George if he makes good money doing that. George said it's a very bold part for Julia. He said that she's not very attractive in the beginning.

  Howard asked if he spoke to Julia on the set. George said he did but not very much. He said he didn't get very personal with her. Howard asked if she eats in her trailer or with everyone. George said she went back to her trailer. He said that he and Tom spent a lot of time together talking and they found out that they have something in common. He said Tom's step-mom was Japanese American. He said that they talked about that and Tom is Tom Hanks when they speak. George said Tom seems to know a lot of stuff and he knows Star Trek. George said they met at a reading and he brought up the Star Trek thing there. He said Miss Roberts wasn't there at the reading.

  Howard asked if he thinks that Tom got him this job. George said he may have because he is the director and producer of the movie. Howard said they must have paid Julia a fortune. Robin said they probably did and she stayed in her trailer the whole time.

  Howard said it sounds like everything is on track for George. He asked if he's going to retire any time soon. George said he loves doing what he does. He said he would probably be in a theater group if he wasn't doing this.

  Howard said he was up at 3 in the morning. He said he's trying to learn iPhoto on his computer and he was doing a slide show of some pictures he took at a dinner he had. He said everyone was making fun of him while he was taking the pictures but now everyone wants to see them. He said he spent about 15 minutes out of a 5 hour evening taking pictures. He said that everyone was freaking out about the camera. He said they'd all pose when he shot them though.

  Howard said he might need George for a coffee table book he's working on called ''Men's Bungholes.'' George said ''Oh my...'' Howard said he needs it for his daughter. George said in that case he'll do it.

  Howard said they have Chris Rock coming in this morning. George sounded happy about that. They went to break a short tine later.

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• Robin's Joy Behar Show Hosting Discussed. 04/04/11. 6:45am
  After the break we heard some prank emails, that Sal and Richard sent in, being read on a Swap Shop show. Fred also played Suzanne Vega's ''My Name is Luka'' as they were coming back.

  Howard came back and asked what happened to her. Robin said she's there in New York still making music. Howard asked George to do another announce. George did that and said he's got a confession to make. He's not Japanese or even Asian. He said he went to the same plastic surgeon that Joan Rivers went to. He's actually Swiss. He even yodeled for them. Howard said he wasn't fooling anyone with that yodel.

  Howard said he has a lot of things to get to today. He asked Robin how it went on Joy Behar's show when she filled in for her. Robin said it went well. She had Chris Jericho and Cheryl from Dancing with the Stars. Howard said she looks fat to him. Robin said she's really not. She said she's very sweet too. Robin said she spoke to her about Chris Brown being on the show with her because she's had some abusive relationships. Robin said they spent some time talking about how he has to get used to being asked about what he did.

  Howard said Chris Brown is such a bad lip syncer that he had to fast forward through an appearance he made. Howard said Britney Spears doesn't even sing when she's supposed to be when she lip syncs. He said they had the cameras so far back he couldn't even see her face. That's how it was with Chris Brown on Dancing with the Stars. He said he should just come out and dance to the track instead of pretending to sing.

• Howard's Movie And TV Reviews. 04/04/11. 6:55am
  Howard said he saw the movie ''Source Code.'' He loved it. Robin said she liked it too. She said the second half was really good. Howard said it reminded him of a Hitchcock movie. He said the movie came in second to the movie ''Hop'' but it was very well done.

  Howard said he was shocked to learn that it was David Bowie's son who directed ''Source Code.'' He said that he has changed his name from Zoe Bowie to something else. He said he changed it to Joe Bowie and now he's Duncan Jones. He wondered where that came from. Fred said Bowie's real last name is Jones so that's where that came from. Howard said Beth thought it was Quincy Jones' son. He said he was impressed with the movie and he later found out it was David Bowie's son. He said he's really good.

  Howard said he was also at a screening for a movie and Lindsay Lohan sat down in front of him. He said he had a weird reaction to sitting behind her. He said she came in with an entourage. He said she didn't turn around to say hello or anything but he didn't expect her to. He said she's a really tiny girl and he realized that she's a human being. He said he was looking at this tiny little girl and she's got freckles all over her. He said her hair dye job was bad and he could see her roots. He said he felt sorry for her and felt pity. He said that she's so fucked up with the shoplifting charge and all of that. Howard said she's just floundering and she was watching this movie she could have been in if she wasn't so fucked up. Howard said she was sitting there staring at the screen and she could have had it all. She had that gift from God. Robin said she had it all and now she's trying to get it all back.

  Howard said the whole Lohan family is a mess. He jokingly said that he had passed her his flask to make her feel comfortable. Howard said he saw they had her name listed as Lindsay Lohan on her seat but she has changed it to just ''Lindsay.'' He said he did her a favor and crossed out the Lohan part.

  Howard said he and Gina Gershon got to speak. He said she was in his row so he spoke to her for a little bit. He said she looked real good. Howard said he and Beth are like the same person when it comes to getting somewhere on time. He said they got there at 7:30 and sat down at 7:45. He said 8:15 rolls around and then 8:30 and people keep showing up. They never start these things on time.

  Howard said he was watching something last night on 60 Minutes about this radio woman who was named Vy Higgenson something. He said she takes these kids from Harlem and the Bronx and has them sing gospel music. He said they showed how these kids lives are transformed by people playing attention to them. He said it was a beautiful story.

  Robin said it was a very inspiring program. Howard said he knew that the chick was on WBLS years ago. Benjy found some information about her and he was right. Howard said he remembered her on WBLS and he loved the production values they had over there. Howard did an impression of the announcer they had on that station and did an impression of Vy doing her thing too. He said they would randomly throw in ''WBLS'' in the middle of a song too. He said that he wondered what she was up to.

  Howard said Vy is a real Christian too. He said those people who are anti-abortion are not real Christians. They're not helping anyone like Vy is. Howard said she's a real Christian and if she's against abortion then he'd believe her. He said that one of the girls that was there was raised by her great grandmother.

  Howard said these maniacs who are against abortion should go to the moon. Howard said they're assholes and Vy Higgenson is a Christian. He said everyone else should shut up.

  George mentioned he was crying during that segment of 60 Minutes. Howard said that George should have told Brad that he wasn't crying over Vy but crying over Brad's fat. George said he'd have to use that line.

  Howard said he's been watching this Dancing with the Stars and they had this radio guy on from Dr. Drew's show and he had no idea who he was. Howard said any guy who is that good looking and that muscular is not funny. Robin said he's really good looking too. She said you don't see anyone that good looking in comedy.

• Phone Calls And Audio Clips. 04/04/11. 7:10am
  Howard took a call from a guy who said he was in Japan and he wondered what they were thinking. The guy is teaching English over there. Howard asked if he's worried about the radiation. The guy said he wasn't that far from there when it all went down. He said he was about 60 miles from there. He said he got moved West. Howard said he would get his ass out of there. He asked the guy if he feels that he's getting radiated. The guy said he is worried about it. George asked what he's doing there other than teaching English. The guy tried to answer but Howard asked what George thinks of this whole thing. He joked that George is going to buy up property over there now that it'll be really cheap.

  George said that he made a PSA about getting money over there. He said the Red Cross and Doctors without Borders and Save the Children are helping out.

  Howard said they sent Sal and Richard out to a strip club to ask about Gaddafi and what's going on in Libya. In the clip they asked the girls if they know what country he runs and what's going on. The girls didn't really know much.

  Howard said Wolfie was out asking questions about Gaddafi too. He played a clip where he asked a homeless guy what he thought. The guy was rambling on and on and not making much sense about anything. Howard took another break while they waited for Chris Rock to show up. He played a George Takei song parody called ''Long Black Bone'' as they went to break.

• Chris Rock Visits. 04/04/11. 7:20am
  After the break Howard came right back and had Chris Rock come in. He said he only had a couple of minutes with him. Howard asked what was up with the beard. He's doing a play so he had the beard going. Chris noticed that George was in the Artie chair. He said he loves how Howard is so comfortable fucking Jackie over. He said he will sit anyone in there other than Jackie.

  Howard asked Chris if the beard is driving him crazy. Chris said it kind of is. Howard said he's in the play ''The Motherfucker With the Hat.''

  Chris talked about seeing Howard at the Apollo when Paul McCartney did his concert there. Howard said that he was back stage and saw him ask Paul to sign something for his daughter. He said he had never asked anyone for an autograph before. Chris said Howard was announcing it before he did it. He said he's never seen Howard more full of himself than that night. Chris said he was proud to be Howard Stern that night. He said he was out amongst the people and there was rock star royalty everywhere. He said Beth was looking like the baddest bitch in the place and Howard was feelin' it. He said that it was him and Stiller and other stars and Howard said he couldn't sit yet until the lights went down. He said he had that attitude and that led to his embarrassment.

  Howard said Chris is right. He said that he really was feeling good that night until he fucked up and asked for the autograph. He said Paul reminded him who he was and he went right back into that shell he was almost out of.

  Howard said Chris is the greatest stand-up he's ever seen. He said he's better than Richard Pryor was. Chris didn't agree with him on that but Howard insisted that he's better than Pryor. Chris told Howard he's better than Imus too. Howard thanked him for that.

  Howard said he appreciates the stuff he said about him in GQ or Esquire. Howard said Chris talked about how he tried to explain to his wife that Howard does a 4 hour show every day and he can't be funny 100 percent of the time.

  Howard said he was reading about Charlie Sheen doing these shows in front of a live audience. Howard said he predicted that it wouldn't go well. Chris said he loves Charlie Sheen. Howard asked how many years he put in before he could do a show like that. Chris said it had to be like 15 years. He said he started around 19. Howard asked what gave him the confidence to do that. Chris said he couldn't do anything else. He wanted to be a writer but didn't know how to get into that. He said he worked as a bus boy at a Red Lobster back then. He said that he had bad teeth so he couldn't be a waiter. He said his teeth cost him like $17,000.

  Howard said it's arrogant of Charlie Sheen thinking that he could do a show in front of a live audience like that. Howard said he's out of his mind. Chris said that he felt sorry for him. Howard asked why he didn't just hire a guy to write him an act. Chris said it's not that simple. Howard said Chris has said that he can change one syllable of a word and it can change the joke. Chris said that a breath can make a joke funny or not. It's every word that you have to craft.

  Chris said Charlie Sheen is a very talented guy. He said that you can't sustain a career like that just based on popularity. He said this whole thing reminds him of Ted Danson doing the Friar's Club Roast. He said he was stuck in a TV studio for years and he is a funny guy but not when it comes to doing that. Howard said he could never go on stage and talk for an hour. He said Chris spent years and years doing it before he got it right.

  Chris said they should have done a show like Howard's E! show where they edit it down to like an hour a week. He said he would pay $20 to order that shit up.

  Howard asked Chris if he's doing this play so he can be home. Chris said he does like being home to do it. He said he's in the play until June. George said he would like to see the play but he's not going to be back until July. He's all booked up this week so he can't go see it this week. Chris talked about how good George was looking for a 74 year old.

  Chris told Howard he hasn't done stand-up in about 3 or 4 years now. Howard asked if he's turned down some big money for that. Chris said it's nothing like the money Howard has turned down. Howard asked how he does his club dates and doesn't get evaluated. Chris said it's tough. He said he can call up YouTube and ask them to take down stuff that people put up. Chris said that Howard could do a show in a club but it might not be all that polished. Chris said that he can go into a club and fuck up in front of a few people. He said that he works on his stuff in small clubs for like 90 days and then he'll work it at a club like the Stress Factory and work it for a little longer.

  Howard asked Chris about how he writes. Chris said he'll write stuff on his phone or his iPad. He said he loves his iPad. He said he's on that thing all the time. Howard asked why he doesn't have an iPhone. Chris said he likes to have a real phone and not a toy like the iPhone. He said that he doesn't want to die when some guys are about to beat him up and his phone is playing Ja Rule.

  Howard asked Chris if his wife ever asks him to go out and make a living when he's home all the time. Chris said that the Rolling Stones aren't out there working all the time. He said that he wants to make it special.

  Howard asked Chris where this book is where he writes stuff down. Chris said he has a couple at his office and at home. He said he has scraps of paper and stuff in there. He wouldn't call it a journal. He said if you found it you'd think he couldn't read.

  Howard asked Chris what he had written in his Blackberry. Chris looked up some stuff and told Howard he wrote down something and it wasn't that funny. He said it's just thoughts. He said he was thinking that the day Obama was elected it was a great day for white people but not black people. He explained what that was about and Howard told him to leave that out of the act. Chris said it took the burden off the white man to elect the guy. Howard said that was funny and he should use that. Chris worked on it some more and it was kind of working. He said he hasn't worked it out yet though.

  Chris told Howard about the Chris Brown situation and said that he doesn't know Rihanna so he's not sure why he's judging this guy. He said he has two daughters of his own and one is an angel and if she told him that a guy hit her he'd put a bullet in the guy's head and put a finger print on the bullet to make the cops know that it was his. He said he might even jerk off on the bullet to put his DNA on it. He said his other daughter isn't so nice. He said if she came home and told him a guy hit her, he'd ask her ''what happened'' before he shot the guy. Chris also said he has a lot of women in his life and when they don't get something they want, they all sound alike.

  Howard gave Chris a plug for this play he's in. Chris said that it's like the Honeymooners with drugs. He told Howard about the people who are in the play with him and how hot the women are. Howard asked how long it took him to remember his lines. Chris said it took like a month of rehearsals. He said he figured that they'd have teleprompters eventually. That never happened. Chris said he almost pulled a Jeremy Piven and pulled out of the thing.

  Howard said he didn't know what he was doing in the beginning of shooting his movie. He said he learned while he was on the job. Chris said he wondered what the fuck he was doing there at first. He said he will do stand-up again eventually.

  Howard asked Chris if he'll be angry if he gets bad reviews. Chris said the audience is digging it so it won't bother him. He said his stand-up has never gotten good reviews. He said as long as the audience is liking it then that's cool. Howard said he knows what that's like. He said that he doesn't get good reviews either. Chris said that only someone who lives an artist can judge that person.

  Howard said his brother is doing stand up now. Chris said he has two brothers doing comedy now. Howard said he heard that one of his brothers was doing comedy with Eddie Murphy's brother and they didn't get along. Chris said he really doesn't get involved in that. He said he's supportive of his brother Tony. He said Tony has always been better at doing things. He said he always had girls and he could play every sport and he's got an amazing personality and a great smile. Howard said he knows his mother was dabbling with show business too. Chris said it was like someone said to his family ''Hey, they're hiring down there at show business...'' and they all came down to apply.

  Chris said he just doesn't want to ever do Dancing with the Stars. He said he doesn't want to have to be judged by Donald Trump. He said it would be nice if his family got regular jobs and he could have something to fall back on. He said maybe he can get this fucking Artie job there or something like that.

  Howard asked Chris if he ever worries about his voice. Chris said he's a little worried but he's okay. He said he leaves there and goes to do Regis and Good Morning America and some other shows. Then he has to go do the play today. He said today is just one of those days.

  Chris asked if they're going to get Charlie Sheen at one of his shows. He said years ago they would have sent someone down there to get him. Howard said Charlie did call in so they didn't have to go anywhere.

  Howard said Chris was getting called out of there so he had to wrap up. Howard told Chris how much he likes him and how great he thinks he is. Chris said Howard is great too.

  Howard took a call from a woman who had seen Chris in the play and thought it was hysterical. She said that the play was very good. She said she met him outside the theater. Chris remembered her because she had told him that she had a nice round ass. Howard gave Chris some more plugs for the show and said you can get tickets at Telecharge.com. They went to break after that.

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• Howard Plays Some Audio Clips. 04/04/11. 8:00am
  After the break we heard a Jerky Boys prank call to a clown asking him to come to a party. Fred also played Katy Perry's ''E.T.'' as they were coming back.

  Howard came back and had George do another quick announce. George said he had heard Riley Martin call th show and ask for money and then insult Howard when he doesn't get it. He told him to go defecate in a hat because he's making more money this week than Riley makes in a year.

  Howard said he heard that when Robin was filling in for Joy Behar she said Ralph Macchio's name and said ''Mock-e-o.'' She also made a ''Woo'' noise that the guys had pulled. Howard said she's also doing the Oprah ''Mmm Hmm'' thing. He played clips of those noises. Robin said it was more of an ''Mmmm.'' Howard said he likes that she's doing that show. Howard said Robin has that and Ronnie has ''Dude'' Fred played a bunch of Ronnie's ''Dude'' comments and a song parody.

  Howard said it was great seeing Chris Rock. He said he has a bunch of things to play now. He said that Jillian Barberie worked in ''T-O-P-L-E-S-S'' into a segment. He played the audio of that.

  Jimmy Kimmel sent Howard a message about how it was 85 degrees out there in California. Howard said he was excited when it got up to 45 there in New York.

  Howard said there was a guy up in Canada who screwed up and left his mic open while he was supposed to have it off. Howard said being on the air in a small market is tough. He said that Fred used to help him out when he started at WCCC. He said they only had a few minutes to get everything done and he needed help. He said he would have nightmares about the record running out and him not having something ready to go.

  Howard said this guy leaves his mic open and freaks out. You can hear him cursing and talking about how nothing works in that place. Howard played the clip and the guy was freaking out about nothing working and cursing a bunch of times live on the air.

• A Little Lupe Game. 04/04/11. 8:15am
  Howard said this guy Jeff was part of the Saddest listener contest. He said he could play a game so he's going to let him play. He has $500 to give away but it says $5,000. Gary said that Jason had cut and pasted it wrong. Howard said the money is courtesy of the new movie ''Hannah.'' Howard said that Gary came over and checked his work to see if he couldn't read the number right. Gary said it just bums him out.

  Howard said when things fail in his apartment and stuff people ask if he's sure. He said he's not an idiot. He said Gary has to admit he came over and checked.

  Howard got back to Jeff and told him he needs to get 3 out of 5 right to win. Howard said they asked Little Lupe who she would rather fuck. He gave Jeff an example where they asked if she would rather fuck Osama Bin Laden or Hitler. Howard asked the guys who they think she'd say. George said being realistic he would think that Osama is more hung than Hitler. Howard said he's such a girl. George picked Osama. Robin said she was going to pick Osama too. She figured Hitler would be awful as a lover. Jeff said he would say it was Hitler. He was right but that was just a practice question.

  Howard said they asked Lupe if she would rather fuck, a beautiful horse or a German Sheppard? Jeff said it has to be a horse. Howard said she might be afraid of horse cock. Jeff said he's going with the horse. Howard asked George who he would do it with. George said he would pick the horse if he had to choose one. Howard said he would rather play this game with George than Lupe. Robin said she'd choose the dog. She said she wouldn't want to be doing it at all and doing it with a dog would be less. Howard said he thinks she'll be afraid of the horse. Lupe said she would rather fuck the dog.

  Howard said they asked Lupe if she would rather fuck a really smelly cab driver or a homeless person. George said Lupe would probably pick the smelly cab driver because she can get a free ride. Howard said they know she hates smelly people. He said he's sure that will turn her off. Jeff said he'll pick the homeless person. Howard said he can change his answer if he wants. Jeff didn't know what to do. Lupe picked the smelly Cab Driver.

  Howard said they asked Lupe if she would rather fuck an eel or a pig. Howard asked George which he would pick for himself. George said he would pick the eel. Howard said he would take the pig. Jeff said he thinks Lupe will pick the eel. Lupe said she would fuck the pig.

  Howard said that he'll give Jeff one more chance. This is an all or nothing question. He said they asked her if she would do a guy with crabs or a freshly dead person. Jeff said it has to be the crabs. Lupe said that she would sleep with the guy with crabs. Jeff won the $500.

  Howard said they asked Lupe if she would rather fuck Larry King or Don Imus. Lupe said she would fuck Larry King. Howard said poor Imus lost to Larry King in that one. Howard said he bets that an eel would win out over those two.

• Howard Takes Some Phone Calls. 04/04/11. 8:25am
  Howard asked if he had to take a break. Fred said they were okay. Howard said Sal and Richard did a Tradio show call the other day and people wanted to hear that again. He played the call where they call into this show and Richard says that the Rockingham Circle Jerk has been canceled because of the snow storm. He also said his father taught him to pump off while they were out hunting in the snow. Sal then called in and said that he wanted to know the rescheduled date for the circle jerk. He added that there's nothing better than warm jizz on a cold winter day.

  Captain Janks called in and told Howard he has to find out what's going on with Steve Langford. He said he can't let him get away with this. He said he has to repeated that he won't bother the guests anymore.

  Howard took another call from a guy who said what Howard did to George was just as wrong as what the other guys did to him. He felt that George was put on the spot by Howard. Howard said it was Richard and Steve who put George on the spot. He said he's trying to inform his staff not to annoy his guests.

  Howard said George is too nice. He said he shouldn't be put in that position that he has to say no to anyone. Howard asked the caller what he does for a living. The guy, Chuck, said he works in the construction industry. Howard asked if he was a good student. He said he was. He graduated high school so Howard didn't understand his lack of intelligence. He ended up hanging up on the guy.

  Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Howard how great his interview with Chris Rock was. She also loved Robin on the Joy Behar show. Howard said Robin was also great on the Wrap Up Show the other day. Howard said he heard that Mariann was upset with Jeff the Drunk too. She said she had to stop the calls coming into her house.

  Jeff got on and said that he calls and High Pitch Eric calls and she calls him just as much as he calls her. Mariann said that they can call after her husband leaves and not on the weekends. She said they don't follow the rules. Mariann said that Jeff calls her to tell her what he tweets and she can see what he tweets so she doesn't need that call.

  Jeff said he feels like he lost his mother twice. He hung up after that. Howard said Mariann entertains these guys. Mariann said she has to draw the line somewhere. Howard said she's right and Jeff will take what he can get if she lets him keep calling. Howard said that they're called the Wack Pack for a reason. Mariann said she didn't think about it when she gave out her number. She said that she would help out anyone on the street and she would help anyone on the show too.

• Robin On Wrap Up. 04/04/11. 8:35am
  Howard said Robin was on the Wrap Up Show last week telling Gary why he gets upset with him about his book promotion. He said Robin was very good at explaining it to him. Howard played some of the audio of that segment. Robin was saying that Howard doesn't want to hear about the guys on the show doing other stuff. He wants to think that they're only working on the show in their spare time.

  Howard said Robin hit it on the head. If Gary has time to go out and do this stuff it drives him crazy. He said he feels that he could be spending more time working on the show. Howard said he put up with it for a while and now they're back to doing more book promotion after he thought it was over. He has the paperback version of his book, They Call Me Baba Booey, coming out soon.

  Howard said he heard that Katie Couric is going to leave her news anchor position. It's just a rumor right now. He said that she's supposed to be going to go do an interview type show like Oprah. Howard said she needs to have fun doing it. He said she should do that ''Mmm Hmm'' thing with her guests like Robin and Oprah do.

• Charlie Sheen And Howard's April Fools Prank Fail. 04/04/11. 8:40am
  Howard read about Charlie Sheen's Detroit show and how bad that was. Howard said he understands that the show bombed so bad that Charlie went out and did an interview in Chicago. He had someone asking questions instead of doing the show he did in Detroit. Howard said it would be kind of cool if he asked him to interview him there at Radio City Music Hall.

  Howard said there were a couple of weeks there when he wanted to know everything Charlie had to say but now he can honestly say he doesn't care what he has to say.

  Howard read an article about Charlie's shows and how the ticket sales have dropped and the prices have been lowered. Howard said he wants to meet the guy who paid $575 for a ticket. Howard said some of the shows sold out in minutes and now the scalpers are facing serious losses. Howard said in a way you want to cheer that.

  Howard said that only a handful of his Chicago show audience walked out of that show. Robin said that they had an opening comedian and he got booed off too. Howard said he didn't know that.

  George asked what Howard thinks is going to happen to his career. Howard said he doesn't know but he thinks he should go back and blow that guy Chuck Lorre to get on the show.

  Howard mentioned his April Fools joke that Robin spoiled last week. He said that Fred told him he should have had Steve Langford come in and say he heard a rumor. He said he could have done that but he screwed up. Howard said there was a news guy who tried to get the rumor rolling though. He played the audio of that. The guy threw that out there and the female anchor ruined it too. She said she didn't believe the story either.

  Howard said he isn't going to do anything other than this show. Howard said he did read a script he liked but he won't do it. He said he's not an actor and he would be doing a heavy make out scene with a chick and he's thinking Beth would freak the fuck out. He said she told him she knows what she would have to do if he did that. Howard said Brad would probably be upset with George if he did a scene like that. George said he's an actor so he would understand. Howard said he did some scenes with Mary McCormack where he wasn't even supposed to make out or feel her up. He said he made out with her and felt her up. He said he popped a boner with Melanie Goode in the bath tub too. He said he's an actor but his penis isn't acting.

  Howard said it's better left that he not do the movie. He said he's sure Beth would freak out. He said it would bother the shit out of him if Beth was making out with some dude. George said that's why it's not that sexy. You just keep ding it over and over again while you're rehearsing.

  Howard said he's going to bring a guy in and have George rub his chest and make out. George said that he'll tell Brad that and he'll be fine with it. He told Howard to bring him on. Howard described the scene that he was going to do with him and it ended with George taking an eel up the ass.

  Howard got back to the Charlie Sheen thing and read about people walking out. He had some quotes from some people who walked out. He had some quotes from people at the Chicago show too who said it was probably better than the Detroit show.

  Howard said it's very arrogant thinking you can go up in front of 5,000 people to entertain them without an act. He said you just can't do stuff like that. Howard went to break a short time later.

• Howard Tries Facetime With Jon Hein. 04/04/11. 9:00am
  After the break we heard a Touchtone Terrorists prank call with a woman who called the wrong number trying to speak to a customer representative. Fred also played Guns N' Roses ''Sweet Child O' Mine'' as they were coming back.

  Howard came back and said it was good to have George Takei there all week. He said he's so blown out by this iPhone thing and he was thinking of Star Trek with the phone. Howard said this iPhone shouldn't be called a phone. He said the amazing thing about it is that it's like Star Trek. He said they have this Facetime thing where you can see each other and he can switch cameras so he can show people his apartment and stuff or his face. He said they couldn't even do that on Star Trek. George said it's really amazing what they have now. He said he's thinking about getting one of those things.

  Howard said that the only problem is that you have to be around Wi-Fi when they use Facetime. Howard said he has to find someone with the same phone do make the call. Howard said he and Ross decided to call each other to do the Facetime. He said he had nothing to say to Ross but he wanted to see this thing work. He said he tried getting through to Ross but he wasn't able to get through. He called Gary to get him instead but Gary wasn't available. Howard thought about Fred and he wasn't available.

  Howard said the only guy available was Jon Hein. He said he likes Jon but he really didn't want to talk to him. He tried calling him and he was out to dinner. Jon said he'd call him as soon as he gets home. Howard said they got on and they ended up staring at each other. Jon showed him his dog and it turned out his daughters were in the room with him. Howard said he had to apologize for that. He said that everyone could hear what he was saying so he had to apologize.

  George said that he was at a urinal and this guy was on his phone next to him and the person on the line could hear him peeing. He said we need to have etiquette and not do things like that. Howard asked Jon if his kids thought he was gross. Jon said his kids have heard it before. They're 16 and 13. Howard said he was sorry about that and he used the F-word way too much. He said that they said it was okay but he said he was wrong for doing that.

  Robin said she was reading a story about how everything that you say on the internet stays on the internet now. She said it's like having something on your permanent record.

  Jon said that he should have told Howard that the kids were in the room. Howard said that's okay. He said Jon is the only one available for the Facetime thing. Howard said he told Beth to come into the room to see him chatting with a bunch of people and she refused because she didn't want them seeing her looking the way she did.

• Fans Sit In And Freak Howard Out. 04/04/11. 9:10am
  Howard said he had two people in the studio for winning some auction. He said they were standing there like two FBI agents. One guy was a contractor and the other was a co-founder of 1-800-CONTACTS. Howard said that was Craig and John. They also got to go to a Knick game with Gary and Jon Hein. Howard asked what that was like. The guys said they got to talk to Fred and Gary there. He asked the guys who their favorites were. Craig said he'd go with Fred. He said Fred didn't say much. He said that Gary really talks a lot. Howard said he really does and he's like a woman. Craig said it was tough talking to Fred and Gary because the game was going on and the game was really good.

  Howard did his Gary impression and asked the guys some questions. Fred got in on that too. Gary said that it didn't go like they say it did. Gary said that this guy didn't say a word during the game. Howard told the guys to enjoy the show and just hang out. Howard thanked them for doing the Charity Buzz thing.

• Robin's News. 04/04/11. 9:20am
  Howard had Jon Hein run down his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon mentioned the Chris Rock interview and some of the stuff they discussed while he was there. Howard said he'll call Jon on Facetime tonight again. He said that it's still too new to find a lot of people to do it.

  Howard had Robin start her news after Fred played her in with a ''Robin's Jugs'' song parody. George was laughing quite a bit during that song. He said that Robin was looking at her notes serenely as that song was playing.

  Howard asked if they heard what happened with the Mets. He said the cartoon ''Family Guy'' did a bit where they goofed on the Mets and you hear a guy hit the ball and they announce that the season is over for the Mets. He played the clip from the show and then said that during the Mets broadcast yesterday someone played that clip over the broadcast. Howard said the owners are freaking out and they want to find the person who did that. Howard played that clip too. In it you hear the announcers calling the game and you hear some of that Family Guy clip but it got cut off.

  Howard asked Gary if he knew what was going on. Gary said he was thinking maybe someone was playing the clip fro the guys in the studio and it got out.

  Howard said when you have a job you can't be doing something like that. He said that he'd never bring something like that to work and risk getting it on the air. Gary said they were talking about that Canadian guy who cursed on the air earlier. He said when he was starting out he was told that you never curse in the studio no matter how much you think you're not on the air.

  Howard asked Robin what she had in her news. Robin read a story about how Rutgers paid Snooki $10,000 to come and speak to the students there. Howard said these colleges get a certain amount of funds and they have people come and speak. He said he understands why parents would be upset with the school for paying her $32,000. He said it wasn't 10,000, it was 32,000. Robin said that's right. Howard said it's like spitting in the face of the parents who are paying for their kids to go to that school.

  Howard said his father had to bust his ass to afford to send him to school. Howard said he went to see this Christine Jorgensen chick who was the first person to have a sex change operation. He said it was fascinating and he's sure that people thought he was gay going to see that but it was fascinating to him.

  Robin read about the death of the guy who invented Super Glue. She said that he accidentally invented the glue when he was trying to invent something else. Robin said he didn't market it himself but he followed the invention and he was happy that it was used in the medical field to close up wounds. Robin said he had a number of patents on other things as well. He was 94.

  Robin read about these bouncy houses that people rent for kids to play in at parties and stuff. She said that one of these things was lifted off the ground and blown into traffic when wind blew it out there. Robin said a few kids were injured when this happened.

  Robin read about how Time Warner and Cablevision both have apps out so you can watch TV on your iPad. Howard said this makes no sense to him. He said you have to be home to do it and do it on Wi-Fi. He doesn't get why you'd want to watch TV at home on an iPad if you can just watch it on a TV. Howard said Gary told him how incredible it is. He said he has TV in every room and he doesn't need that. Gary said he can watch it in the bathroom while he's getting ready to go out. That's what he did the other night when he was getting ready to go out to the Knick game. He said he watched the Rangers on his iPad.

  Howard took a call from High Pitch Eric who said he has an iPhone with Facetime. He wondered if Howard anted to do the Facetime thing with him. Howard asked how he has money for that. Eric said he has a job at Yankee Stadium. Howard said he would like to chat with him on the iPhone. He might be interesting. Howard said maybe he'll do it tomorrow morning. Eric said he would send him his number. Eric wondered what time he wanted to do it. Howard told him to just get him the number. Eric said he'll show him the room where he lives. Howard asked Gary if Eric emails a lot. Gary said he really does. He said he has been direct messaging him on Twitter.

  Howard read some email about last week's shows. He had a bunch of stuff about Howie Mandel and Norm MacDonald's interviews. Howard said some people really like when he and Fred goof on Gary. Howard asked Fred how he does his impression. Fred sticks his Sharpie in his mouth to get that unique sound going. He quickly demonstrated that for Howard.

  Robin read a story about Sam Elliot and Katharine Ross failing to show up to court for some hearing they had.

  Howard took a call from a guy who asked what he thinks about Apple not using their billions to do philanthropic things. Howard said they have done some amazing things with the products they have. Howard said he's busy all day long with his Apple products. Robin said it took her an hour to figure out how to turn something off on her Macbook Air. Howard said there is a learning process to it all. Robin said it was crazy. She had something playing in the background while trying to watch something else.

  Howard took another call from a guy who said he's been listening for like 15 years and sometimes twice a day. He said he has two issues though. He said the greatest gift men have is to hold their penis when they piss. He said he has to just do it. Howard said he won't touch his dick after being out there touching things around the city. The guy said he must have pussy juice on his dick when he's having sex with Beth. Howard said he has rubber juice on him, not pussy juice. The guy told him he has to stop with that too. The guy said he's 40 years old and doesn't have any kids. Howard said this was a silly conversation and he was bored. He hung up on him.

  Howard said he doesn't put his filthy hands on his beautiful penis. He said he uses his underwear to hold it. George said he touches his penis. Howard asked if he washes his hands first. George said he washes them after he pees.

  Robin read about a trial that's coming up with a news anchor, Alycia Lane, and CBS. Her co-anchor had gotten into her computer and she is suing the company because this guy had gotten into her computer and leaked some stuff about her. Robin said that this guy claims that they had an affair. Howard said there's no fucking way she was doing that guy based on how she looks and how he looks. Howard said he knows her and she's too hot for that guy.

  Robin read about some airlines that had some problems this weekend. Robin said one airplane had a 5 foot length of metal from the top of a plane come off. Howard said this isn't helping him out because he has to fly out to California soon. He said the planes are getting used way too much. Robin said that part of the plane is not inspected because they don't expect it to fail. Howard said that and the nuclear reactor thing is making him nuts. He said they tried to stop radiation from leaking out with shredded newspaper. He said he doesn't get who these people are and why they listen to them. Howard said most of these flights are unnecessary anyway. Robin said that's what most of her flights are.

  Howard took a call from a guy who asked Robin and George when they last had their asshole licked. George said it was Sunday. Robin said she can't remember. Howard asked George when Brad does that, does he feel obligated to do the same to Brad. George said he doesn't feel obligated. He said they don't stay at it, it's a passing thing. It's just a little sign of affection. George said they're clean when they do this. They shower first. George said it's just a swipe. Howard said he could use a swipe too.

  Robin had some audio of the passengers from the jet that had the roof tear open. One woman said it was pretty terrifying. Robin said the air was sucked right out of the airplane. Howard said he would be a crying baby if that happened on his plane. Robin said they were at 36,000 feet when it happened and they quickly got down to 14,000 feet.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves George more than Howard. Howard said he has to get rid of George if that's the case. Fred threw in a George Takei ''I'm going to fuck you in the rear...'' clip as the guy was hanging up.

  Robin read about how Obama has announced he will run for reelection. She also read about what's going on over in Japan with the nuclear power plants. They have radioactive water seeping into the ocean and they're trying to get that stopped. Robin said the Mormons are preparing for the worst in this country. She said they believe that if they are prepared they don't have to worry. Howard was doing his impression of George as they talked about that stuff. Howard was asking George about going to the theater and things like that.

  Robin read about today being the anniversary of the death of Martin Luther King Jr. He was only 39 years old. Howard said he heard someone mentioned his name along with Martin Luther King's during a basketball game. He played that clip as they were talking about that. Robin had some audio of Robert Kennedy announcing that King had been killed.

  Howard was joking about how he had Martin Luther King as a roommate at B.U. That led to George telling a story about how he met Dr. King when he was young. He said he got to shake his hand and he thanked him for everything he was doing. He said they kind of thanked each other for what they were doing.

  Robin read a story about some people who met up about UFO sightings in Nebraska. Howard said they're not real. He said if they were they would land. Howard said if they had that kind of technology they'd just come down and shoot us. He said they're not coming down and viewing us from afar.

  Robin said that Vanilla Ice is going to be in a new Adam Sandler movie. Howard said that sounds funny to him.

  Robin read about Bruce Springsteen writing a letter to a New Jersey newspaper about the government's treatment of the poor.

  Robin read about how Meatloaf had a meltdown on Celebrity Apprentice last night. She read about what had gone on during that segment and then had Howard play some audio of that moment. Meatloaf was screaming at Gary Busey. Robin said that Gary had taken some art supplies that Meatloaf had purchased for his own personal use.

  Robin read about a new show where they'll be looking for talented singers. Howard said they have enough already. He said they should be looking for someone to cure cancer or AIDS. How about ''America's Got Cancer'' or something like that.

  Robin said that the movie ''Arthur'' is coming out soon. She said that Russell Brand funny but she's not sure he was right for this movie. She said the previews don't look all that good.

  Robin read about Phil Collins' daughter getting the part of Snow White in a new live action film. Howard said Phil Collins is a fascinating guy. He said he's really bitter and he thinks that everyone hates him. He said he just kind of hangs out and collects Alamo memorabilia. He said he has all kinds of weird shit and it seems like he's gone mad. Howard said he should have been Arthur, not Russell Brand. Howard said the guy is just bitter and shit.

  Robin read about how the State Department is offering people free flights out of Syria. They've been warning American citizens to get out now.

  Robin said that Ringo Starr has granted a wish to a cancer survivor and shared the stage with him for the Make a Wish Foundation.

  Robin got in a plug for her 15 Foundation concert that's going on April 6th in Napa, California. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:15am.

• Wrap Up Show - Auction Winners. 04/04/11. 10:20am
  Jon and Gary started the show talking about Howard and George got into the discussion about Brad's weight. Gary said that George and Howard were talking before the show and he had mentioned it in the green room and it became part of the whole show today. Gary said that if he did that to his wife it would be very hard to go home. Jon said that Brad is a huge fan of the show so he knows that anything like that is up for discussion. They also learned about how George had his ass licked on Sunday. George is very open about that stuff and that's why he's so great on the show.

  Jon went over some other stuff he wanted to cover today. They ended up talking about the $500 and $5,000 screw up that happened during the Lupe game. Gary said he was bummed out about that. Jon also asked Gary about the guys who sat in on the show today and how one of them was talking about how the Knick game thing went. Gary said he didn't want to talk too much or too little so he was trying to find a balance. He said that John was the guy who was asking questions about the show and the other guy, Craig, was two seats away and it's hard to talk there at the game. There's a lot going on there. Gary said Craig didn't talk to Fred at all so he's not sure why he was saying he talks too much. Craig said he just said that he heard John and Gary talking a lot and he just said that Gary ''talks a lot.''

  Gary said he did learn a lot about John. Craig wasn't able to hear what they were talking about. He said it was all fine and he had a good time. Jon said that he thinks that they had a good time. Benjy said he's not sure about that. He said that Gary was paid to be there. He said he feels that Craig feels that Gary talks too much. Craig said that he doesn't want to be dragged into this. He said he just noticed that Gary was talking, that's it.

  Craig said that he must not have been animated enough for Howard. He said that's kind of odd because he does have opinions.

  Jon spoke to John as well. He asked how he liked being in the studio today. John said his business partner gave him this as a gift and it was unexpected. He said that it was fantastic talking to Gary and Fred. They had to go to break a short time later.

• Wrap Up Show - Langford's Tactical Error. 04/04/11. 10:35am
  After the break Jon talked about how Richard got into trouble for asking George Takei to officiate his wedding. Richard hadn't even asked George yet though. IT was news to George. Jon said that led to Steve Langford and how his daughter had gotten to interview George for a school project.

  Gary said Howard has told the staff that they aren't to bother the guests. He said that they have had incidents in the past so they have a rule about not bothering people who are on the show. Jon said that sometimes you cultivate relationships with people who are on the show and it's because of Howard that they get to meet them. Gary said that as a general rule Howard doesn't like anyone bothering the guests. He said that maybe George is too nice a guy to say no.

  Jon asked if it was a bad idea that Steve didn't come in to talk about this today. Gary said it was a huge tactical error. He said he should have come in and talked about it. Gary said Steve Brandano once went to an event and told Langford not to interview her but Steve did it anyway. This is like that incident and Steve should have let Howard interview him.

  Gary said Jason called back to Brad Driver's office and found out that Steve was there. They asked him to come in but he refused. Steve said that Howard's daughters are off limits so his daughter is off limits and refused to come in. Gary said it makes him a hypocrite. He said he likes Steve but this was a bad move.

  Benjy said he thinks he could have just apologized and said he was wrong. He could have gotten it over with that easy. He said he thought he could make it into a bit for the show too but that's obviously not what happened.

  Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Gary thinks that he's become like Howard and Robin and he's not the nice guy like he used to be. He said it's almost like he's had it with everything on the show. The caller and Gary went back and forth discussing that for a minute. Gary said that being the butt of the joke isn't as funny after 30 years as it used to be. He said there were days when he didn't mind it but some days it bothers him.

  Benjy said that he thinks of Gary as a tenured professor at a college who isn't going to get fired for fighting back. Gary said Howard does let you fight back but he will fight back too. He said you're fighting with a professional so you have to be careful.

  Jon took a call from a guy who said that Steve Langford has lost all credibility with this stunt. He said that he just wussed out like a bit puss. He said he acted like a 4 year old with this. He said Steve will go in right after it with anyone else. Gary said he might look at this as having gotten bigger than it should have. He said he'll probably regret not going in after today. Benjy said he doesn't think Howard will give him a hard time about it but other people will.

  Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to voice some support for Steve. He said he gets why he wants his kids to be off limits. Gary said they weren't going to talk about his kid other than to say that he shouldn't have done this interview. Gary said they just wanted to know why Steve got involved. The caller said he would have spoken to him off the air. Gary said they could have brought up on the air without bringing the daughter into it.

  Captain Janks called in and said he spoke to Langford in his office and he said he doesn't answer to Howard. Jon said that Steve will answer to Howard tomorrow on the air. Janks said that he will call in tomorrow and remind Howard to talk about it. Benjy asked if Steve really picked up and spoke to him. Janks said he called incessantly to Steve until he picked up on him. Gary said that Janks sent a lot of emails and messages about what to do with Steve. Janks said he was very upset and he can't believe he's getting away with this. Janks said he wants to know why he gets away with this. Jon said that Janks will get his answer tomorrow.

• Wrap Up Show - Chris Rock. 04/04/11. 10:50am
  Jon said that they have to talk about Chris Rock a little bit. He said that Chris came in and busted Howard on the Paul McCartney thing. Gary said Chris gets better and better when he comes in. He said Howard shot back at Chris after he brought it up. Howard also asked Chris if his wife has loosened up at all. Chris said she hasn't and she never will because that would mean that he's right.

  Benjy said he thought it was funny when Chris was joking about how he wasn't the one who snuck in back stage at the Apollo. He said that Paul McCartney was the one who snuck in.

  Jon asked if George could get the tickets to go see the play if he wanted to. Gary said he could get tickets if he really wanted. They were also talking about how George put the word out that he wants to go see ''The Book of Mormon'' but he can't get tickets. Jon wants to go see it too. So does Gary. Gary said he and Jon will have to go see it together.

  Jon asked Gary about how Chris goes out and does his 90 days of preparation for his new comedy act. They said that he works hard on that and he wants people to see the best of Chris Rock.

  Jon took a call from a guy who asked why Howard kept avoiding talking about the Paul McCartney thing. Gary said he just didn't want to talk about it. The caller said there must have been a good reason for it. He just didn't want to talk about it at all. Benjy said he was embarrassed by it but he agreed with Chris about his theory about what went on.

  Jon asked Gary if he related to the story Chris told about his two daughters being so different. Gary said he gets that and it's a funny bit. They were also talking about Chris' stories about his brother and things like that.

  Jon asked what happened with the $500 and $5,000 thing. Gary said that the sales department deals with Jason and he gives him the plugs. He said Jason just wrote the wrong number down and he was very apologetic about it. Jon asked if Gary went over to check the paper to make sure Howard was right about it. Gary said it was just a human nature thing because he was so bummed about what happened. Benjy asked if he thinks that he's responsible for it. Gary said at the end of the day he's responsible for all of that. Benjy didn't think that Gary took the hit for him.

  Benjy said that if Gary is the higher commander then he should take the hit. Gary said it's not the military so that's not the way things go. Jason said that he's not going to blame Gary for this like Sal would. He said it was his fault and he should get yelled at. He doesn't feel good when Gary gets yelled at for something he screwed up. Jason said that the IT guys do the same thing to them when they come down and double check their systems there. They don't believe them and they come down and check when they complain about something going wrong. They had to end the show a short time later.

• Kirstie Alley Dropped On Dancing With The Stars. 04/05/11. 6:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: A Jack and Rod Show bit with Sal and Richard speaking to an author about his book and misunderstanding him about making commercials, Tom Brokaw ''Bukakke'' song parody, Howard Stern and the Losers performing ''Hurdy Gurdy Man'' live in the Howard Stern Show studio, Yoko Ono's ''People of Earth... How are you?'' clip.

  Howard started the show talking to George Takei and telling him it was great to have him there. Howard said he got a lot of email about George and everyone seems to love him. He said they say that George might be better than him on the air. He said that pleases him. He said he likes that they like George so much. George said he doesn't hold a candle to him. Howard said the way he said ''you'' was very funny because he was just saying that earlier.

  Howard said that he loved the way George said ''musculature'' a few years back. He said he loves saying that and ''tsunami'' since he corrected people on that yesterday. He said he loves that he doesn't carry that over when he's acting. Howard said he just speaks normally when he's acting. Howard said it's very peculiar. It's good that he can turn it off.

  Howard said Raymond Burr was very gay when he wasn't acting. Robin asked if George worked with Raymond Burr. George said he did but he didn't see him flouncing around. Howard said his father worked with him and he did see him doing that. He said he was like Kirstie Alley flouncing around.

  Howard mentioned that Kirstie Alley got dropped last night on Dancing with the Stars. Howard said it's all over the news. Howard described what happened and how her partner buckled under the weight of Kirstie Alley and they both went down. Howard said he tried to lift her but his thigh gave out and he wasn't able to hold her. Howard said this is a very muscular guy too. He said it's unfair. She should have two or three dance partners to help hold her up.

  Howard had the audio from the show where Kirstie was dropped. He said that she's not embarrassed. If she was she'd lose some fucking weight. Howard played the clip and you hear the music playing and they were dancing to ''Somewhere Over the Rainbow.'' Howard played a minute of it and wondered why he was playing the whole song. JD said he thought Howard would make fun of the song.

  Howard said the cheering in the clip was when they got back up. He had the guys play the video clip for Robin and George. Howard said that a lot of the women on the show are very fragile and they start to break down. Howard said Wendy Williams has to get a grip on that shit. He said she cries very easy. Howard said that she was ready to start crying last night. Some of the guys don't care and they're ready to be kicked off at any second.

  Howard said the judges comment on Kirstie dropping like an elephant. Howard played some of that audio too. Tom Bergeron was talking about overcoming adversity and that the song ''Somewhere Over The Rainbow'' was about that. Howard said he had no idea that's what it was about. Neither did Robin. Howard said they just tweeted out a link to that fall on Twitter. It's @SternShow on Twitter.

  Robin said it was the guy buckling under the weight of Kirstie. Howard said she wasn't the least bit embarrassed either. Howard said they should show him training with an Ox or something. He said it would be like Rocky 5 where he's hooked up to a dog sled and pulling it around.

  Howard said it would be funny to see her come out on a forklift next week. Robin said they could put her on wires. Howard said they could hook her to a horse cart in Central Park too. He said he saw one of those handsome cabs the other day and it's sad to him that the horses are there in the city. He said he wonders if they're treated well. He said he knows a guy who said he came up to check on them and they're being treated fine. Howard said he saw one horse with a purple plume hat on. He said that made him even more sad. He said there's no reason for that. He said he would like to see Kirstie Alley pulling one of those carts though.

  Howard played more audio from the show where the judges were talking about the fall. He said this Carrie Ann Inaba is the most annoying judge. He said she was on Regis and Kelly and had her boyfriend propose to her on the show. He said that's such a private thing and he doesn't get why they'd do it there. He said she gets enough attention that they don't need to do that on TV. Howard said this chick talks triple time ever since she got engaged too.

  Howard played more of Carrie Ann going on and on about how great the performance was. Howard said the dance instructor has to be out of his mind thinking that he could hold up all of that weight. He said she must weigh 265 pounds. He said he would yell at the guy for thinking he could do that. He said she has a problem and he must see that. Howard said he would talk the truth if he was a judge.

  Howard played more of the judges telling Kirstie how great she was after the little incident. Howard had Max, Kirstie's partner, explaining what happened. Howard said Brook Burke is the worst on the show too. He said she's good looking but she's just awful. Max said he had a muscle strain and claimed it had nothing to do with Kirstie. Kirstie said she didn't know where to start after that. Howard said there is something very wrong with her. He said he doesn't know what she's saying when she speaks. He said it's unbelievable.

  Howard said they gave her scores of like 7 after that fall. Howard said that dancer should size up what kind of weight he can lift. He said you have to take a look at that and think about it before you lift that much. He said there are plenty of dance moves and he didn't have to do that. Howard said he bets he's going to need an operation after that.

  Howard said it would have been funny if the guy shit his pants on the air. Howard said he should try lifting her over his head. Fred played a crashing sound when Howard mentioned that.

  Howard said these women are fragile and nuts. He said they get upset if they get a low score. He said the guy who plays for the Pittsburgh Steelers is actually a good dancer. He said talked about that guy for a minute. Howard said this is a great moment on the show. Robin said she's sorry she missed the show.

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• Howard Wants Less Therapy. 04/05/11. 6:25am
  Howard said he watched Dancing with the Stars this morning. He was too tired to watch it last night. He said he doesn't have a free moment anymore. He said that he wants to drop down to 2 days a week and his shrink won't let him. His shrink said he needs therapy. He said he's been going to therapy for like 13 years now. The guy won't let him cut back.

  Howard said he would like to be able to sit back and read a magazine. He said he gets to do his homework when he reads Rolling Stone and things like that. He said he was reading about that nut Phil Collins the other day.

  Howard talked about some of the nutty things Phil was saying in this article. He said he thinks that he just needs to go see Dr. Sarno about his issues. Howard said that Phil is collecting Alamo memorabilia. He said the guy is out of his mind. He said even the interviewer was wondering what the hell he was up to. He has human teeth from the Alamo. Howard said the guy can't do music anymore and he's been married 3 times and they all ended in disaster. Howard said he loves this guy.

  Howard said Phil isn't in therapy. He said he wonders why he's in therapy if Phil Collins doesn't even go. Howard said the guy is collecting Davey Crockett hats and crap like that.

  Howard said his point is that he doesn't have time and he's got to cut back on therapy. Robin said he needs it though. Robin is even back in therapy one day a week now. Howard said he just wants to cut back to 2 days a week but the therapist won't let him. George said he thinks that he'd be happier if he did cut back and had more time to himself.

  George told him to start collecting Waterloo memorabilia. Howard said he'll be cured at 94. He said he can't go through this for another 13 years. Robin said if he cuts back to 2 days a week then he'll have to do another 13 years.

  George said he doesn't understand this dependence on therapy. He wondered why people go to therapists. Howard said he's fucked up, that's why he goes. Howard said he has no idea how fucked up he is. He said he can't relate to people. Howard said everything else he does in his life is a disaster. Howard said he does the radio show well but even that makes him neurotic. Howard said he doesn't know why he's like that and that's why he has to go to therapy. George still didn't understand. He kept asking why but Howard said that's what he doesn't know.

  Howard said he loves George. He said that he is angry all the time and George just keeps asking why. Howard said he's trying to figure out why so that's why he goes to therapy. George asked why he's angry. Howard said that's why he's in therapy. George just kept asking ''Why?'' over and over. Howard said he's walking around angry and he's in therapy for that.

  George said he finds things that he doesn't understand but he doesn't need therapy. Howard said maybe dick sucking is what he needs to do. He said George seems to be happy doing that.

  Howard asked what he did last night. George said they had dinner with friends. Howard said that would make him mental right there. He said he doesn't enjoy that kind of thing. He said he invites people over and wishes they would leave. Howard said that's his problem. He said he's in therapy to find out why that is. George said Howard seems to complicate things necessarily.

  Howard said he functions and goes through life like a dynamo but he would like to settle down and enjoy it. He said he tried to go to therapy and it has helped. He said he's still angry but he's been helped in other areas. Howard said he's getting annoyed with George right now. Howard said he was just kidding about that though.

  Howard said he's ready to walk away at any time. He said he doesn't think that he needs a therapist. He said he wants to be more involved with people and be more there for someone. George said the conversations he has on the air are very interesting and he connects with people there. Howard said he connects better with Beth now but that only happened with therapy. George thinks he could have done it without the therapy. Robin told George that he's killing them. Howard said he's going to quit today because George is right.

  Robin told George to ask Howard if he has friends that he travels with and hangs out with. George did that and Howard said no. Howard said he's suspicious of everyone. George said that's okay and everyone has that at some point.

  Howard said he recognizes that he's miserable and other people are happy. Howard said he would like to understand that. George told him to take some time off and meditate. Howard said he does meditate already. He said everything makes him nuts. Work makes him nuts. He said it all irritates him. George said maybe he should quit work. Howard said he was going to but figured he'd be miserable if he quit. Howard said George is being very annoying right now. George said he's interested in people and he'd like to help. Howard aid he would like to be interested too. That's why he's in therapy.

  Howard said George spends time on a ship with his fans and he could never do that. Howard said he would be freaking out if he had to go on a Star Trek cruise. He said he could end up being like William Shatner the rest of his life. He said if he didn't go to therapy then he'd end up like that.

  George said that they'd like to see Howard happy. He thinks that he could find it in himself. Howard said he can't. George insisted that he can. Howard said he shuts down completely and he needs this therapy. Howard said George is annoying him. Robin said it's like talking to a wall.

  Howard asked George if he thinks Brad should lose weight. George said he would like him to. Howard asked if he thinks that Brad doesn't care about his appearance. George said he tells him what he thinks. Howard said maybe he's still in a bad place and he could work through why he eats so much. George said maybe he's the problem. He said Brad's brother and father are thin and he's not sure why he isn't. Howard said maybe Brad could use therapy and it might help.

  George said Brad had a trainer and that didn't help. He said he had a gay trainer and a straight trainer and neither of them helped. Howard asked where he found the gay trainer. George said they found him at their gym.

  George said the female trainer was very good but it didn't help Brad. Howard said maybe George is the one who needs therapy so he can get over the fact that Brad is fat. Howard said he's stuck in this George Takei loop. He said maybe they can bring back internment camps and lock George up again. Howard said the guy is tough to argue with. He said he's surprised he's not open to therapy. He said he figured he would be since he's so progressive.

  George said he just figured that Howard could figure this stuff out on his own. Howard said he would rather not be so angry all the time. He said he would like to be more independent. When he goes home he doesn't function so well. Robin said Howard doesn't even know how to get to work. She said he lives blocks from there but he couldn't figure out how to get there if he didn't have a driver. Howard said he just gets there. He's like a baby wrapped in blanket and has no idea what's going on around him.

  George told Howard to get rid of Ronnie. Howard said that he won't know how to get there if he gets rid of Ronnie. He said he doesn't know how to get there. George said he'll figure it out. Howard said he's sorry to Ronnie but he's fired.

  Howard said he's too dependant on others. He knows that. Howard said Jackie used to abuse the shit out of him when he worked there. Howard said he couldn't get rid of him because he needed him. He said he can develop a dependency on anyone. Howard said he just needs and needs.

  Howard and Robin were trying to explain to George that some people need therapy. Howard said he wants to learn more about himself and you go to a teacher to learn things. He's going to a therapist because he's teaching him about himself. Howard said he's improving so it's helping. George said he respects that then. He finally caved in.

  Fred said he thinks it's an age thing. He said that the older generation don't think therapy is needed. Howard said he's right because his mother is like that. Howard said she's always asking if he needs therapy and if he's talking about her in there. Howard said it's about him, not about her. Howard did an impression of her as he was talking about that.

  George said maybe he will ask Brad to get a therapist. He said that he used to be an Adonis and he could be again. Howard asked how old he is. George said Brad is 57. Howard said that's some age spread there. George said he was in his 50s when he met Brad and Brad was in his 30s. Howard said he must have been dropping a load a day back then. George said it was more than once a day back then.

  George told Howard that Brad would do things to him in the park. He said he would get blown in the park. Howard said that's wild. Robin said he must have been in love if that's what they were doing. Howard said he's like his trophy wife. George said he was. Howard said now he's his chubby trophy wife. George said he does have more of Brad now.

  Howard said maybe this is Brad's way to test him to see if he's really in love with him. Fred said maybe he's trying to drive him away. Howard said he could end up getting even fatter. Robin said he hasn't gained more than the last time they saw him. Howard asked if he's going to be disgusted if he gets to be Kirstie Alley sized. George said he hasn't thought of that. He said he is working at it and he's skipping desert and things like that. George said he might be snaking when he's not there. He said he loves Mexican food and they have guacamole dip in the house. He said he eats the same food and same quantity he eats at breakfast. He's not sure what he's eating at lunch. Howard said maybe he's eating behind his back. He said he's hiding something from him.

  Howard asked George if they eat the same things on the weekend. George said they do. He said he might be a closet eater. He said he doesn't see him eating anything in front of him. George said Howard and Robin may have convinced him about the therapy thing.

  Howard said George mentioned how Brad's mouth ended up in George's asshole over the weekend. He said he told Beth about that and she wondered how that happens. George said that they wrestle and the head might go into places like that and then you give a lick. Howard said it sounds like Brad is good in bed when he gets motivated. He asked George why he thinks Brad cut down on the frequency of sex. George said it's not just Brad. He said that it's both of them. Howard said if they cut out sex once a week then they wouldn't be gay anymore. George said that it's more than sex though.

  Howard asked George to imagine that he's in the bedroom and Brad is home with a young 25 year old man. Howard said that this guy has a nice ass and a big, thick horse cock. He said that the guy looks at Brad and kisses him and sucks on him. The young man ends up getting together with Brad the next day. George said he wouldn't be able to handle that. He said he would want to join in. He said he thinks that he could handle that. Howard said he could end up falling for the 25 year old. George said he did fall for someone 17 years younger than him.

• Fans Analyzing Howard. 04/05/11. 7:00am
  Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves the shit out of Howard but sometimes when he's talking about his problems it seems like he's spoiled and he doesn't know how good he's got it. Howard said he's very appreciative of what he has and what he's accomplished. He said if he had overwhelming problems he'd be medicated. He said he just wants to know how to make himself better and that's why he's in therapy. He wants to enhance his life and that's the true thinker. He said the people who refuse to look at themselves are the people who he doesn't understand. Howard said the caller doesn't know how he feels.

  Howard said making it in radio was so intense for him. He said he pushed everything else aside to do what he did. Howard said he never considered it enjoyable making it in radio. The caller said he pushed hard to be a musician and it didn't work out for him.

  Howard told the guy to just sit down and listen to the show and not worry about it. The caller said he thinks that the show has gotten better since Artie left. He said he thinks that Howard has been able to craft his own comedy since he left.

  Howard said he loves Artie dearly as a performer and a human being. He said that his years on the show were fantastic. He said he likes when people on the show shine. The caller said they like it when Howard sines and he thinks that Howard has done that since Artie left.

  Howard said maybe there were too many voices on the how. He said some people have said that. The caller said Chris Rock said that Howard is one of the funniest guys on the planet. The caller said he agrees with that. He said Howard is a great comedian. He said he's not just saying that. The guy said Howard makes him laugh every day and he can't say that about anyone else in the entertainment business. Howard thanked him for that. They went to break a short time later.

• Steve Langford's News Preview. 04/05/11. 7:10am
  After the break we heard a prank call Richard made to Gary the Retard where he told him Howard wasn't coming back and Sal was really upset. Fred also played The Eagles ''Hotel California'' as they were coming back.

  Howard came back and said Gary is a good friend. He stuck with Sal while he cried in that clip. Howard listened to the song Fred was playing and it wasn't the regular version of it. Howard said he liked this different version he was playing.

  Howard was doing his George impression and talking about Brad licking his ass. Howard had some fun doing that. George said he reveals too much on this show. Howard said he does not. Fred threw in some George clips while the song played. Howard kept saying ''Musculature'' in the very special way George says it.

  Howard asked George if he's an Eagles fan. George said he does like them. Fred played some of George's many clips like his Little Lupe impression clips and clips of him saying ''I love cock'' and things like that. Howard sang Hotel California to George. George tried singing too. Howard said he wants to take a road trip with George so they can sing in the car together.

  Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Howard said he took a beating in the email about not coming in there yesterday. Howard said he wasn't angry but he wanted to talk to him about this interview he did with George with his daughter. George said he has done this with other people and it's not that big of a deal. Howard said he has given then autonomy with the news stories on the show. He said that Steve should not be doing what he did. He said they are in the business of catering for the guests and they need to make them comfortable.

  Howard said Steve's daughter is a lovely girl and she could meet other people. Howard asked Steve what he thinks about this. Steve said he thinks that he would have come in yelling yesterday so that's why he didn't come in. Howard said he would have liked that. Howard asked why he's so angry. Steve said it's Howard's show and it's the way he wants to run it... however, his kids are not material for the show. Steve said his kids are not material for this show. Howard said he's hiding behind his kid. Steve said he's not.

  Steve said that Howard reported on his kid's school project. Howard said he just mentioned what he did with George. Howard asked Steve if he heard a story about asking George if his grandmother could interview him he'd be upset. He said that he doesn't know his grandmother. He said he's not talking about his grandmother. He said he was talking about what he did to a guest.

  Steve said this spoils his daughter's class project. Howard said that he shouldn't have taken advantage of the show to get that interview. Steve said that George is a very important figure. He said the point is that he's an important figure in this country and it was a very important educational moment. Howard said he could have stepped in and been a hero to his kids with stuff like that but he didn't. Howard said he could call Chris Rock and ask him to do an interview with his daughter. He said he knows Chris would do it for him but he wouldn't ask him to do that. Steve said he's right and it's his show so he understands that. He said he was going to come in and yell yesterday. Howard said this sounds insane.

  Howard said Steve shouldn't have gotten involved in this school project. He said that she must know other people she could have interviewed. Steve said that George is very important. Howard said he's a guest on the show though. He said he does business with him and that's what his point was. Howard said he doesn't know Steve's daughter. Steve said that's right and it's not material for the show. Howard said this is about Steve's actions, not his daughter's.

  Howard said if he let this stuff go on then someone like Jesse Ventura could be bothered by someone like Gary asking him to help his son out with a school project. Howard said he doesn't want that going on there. Howard said Steve would be the first one to report on it too. Steve said if it violates his policy then it becomes a news story. Robin asked why he didn't do a report on that then. Steve said you don't report on yourself. Shuli did the report.

  Howard said that Shuli has a new comedy DVD out and he watched it. He said that it's got a very Jewy name. He said he enjoyed it and laughed.

  Howard said that Steve is trying to turn this into something about his daughter. He said it's not about her, it's about Steve.

  Steve said they have a story about KC Armstrong almost getting arrested at a Dunkin Donuts after he wouldn't let him use some coins from a tip cup to pay his bill. Howard asked how they got this video because the Howard TV guys have it. Howard asked what happened there. Steve said he wanted a bottle of water and he needed like 5 cents to round out the bill and the guy at the shop said no so KC swatted the tip cup over the counter. Howard asked what's going on with him. Robin said he's crazy. Steve said the cops were right outside the store but they cut KC a break and didn't arrest him.

  Steve said that Ronnie's tinted windows ticket may go to a full trial. Steve said his attorney thinks that Ronnie will prevail. That led to them playing a new song parody with Ronnie's ''dude'' clips in it. That was to the tune of ''All the Young Dudes.''

  Steve mentioned that High Pitch Eric and Mariann from Brooklyn were in some kind of reality show pilot. Steve mentioned that Scott the Engineer and Ronnie will be appearing with Shuli at a comedy show soon. Howard said he's going to recommend that Ronnie not yell and scream on stage. Howard said he should just say a few words. Ronnie said he's going to. He said he's going to introduce the guys and that's it.

  Howard said that Ronnie could talk about his tweets or something up there. Ronnie said that's what he's going to do. He said he's not going to get crazy. Howard said he does have some good stories he could tell. He said he's not a complete idiot.

  Howard had Steve wrap up with his plugs for Jackie and Riley Martin's shows that are on tonight at 7 and Midnight.

• Howard Reads Some Email. 04/05/11. 7:35am
  Howard read some email about Steve that he got yesterday. He said that he took a beating in the email. Howard read about how great George is on the show too. Howard said the fans really like him in there. Howard said there was one guy who didn't like him. The guy doesn't like his laugh. Howard said once in a while they get a negative one. He said that overall people really like him.

  Howard said Jesse Ventura is going to be on the show today. He said he was on Piers Morgan last night and Piers was giving him a hard time. He was calling him a coward. Howard played some audio of that. Piers was asking Jesse about profiling and Jesse didn't have an answer for him so he called him a coward. Jesse told him that he's anything but a coward. He mentioned that he went through this BUDS training and no one who does that is a coward.

  Howard said he's all for profiling at the airport. He said his parents get patted down at the movie theater when they go. He said everyone wants to be fair and not profile but maybe they should.

  Howard said he'll ask Jesse about all of that when he comes in. Howard said he has friends who are black that get patted down at the airport. They spent a minute talking about that. Howard went to break a short time later.

• Jesse Ventura Visits. 04/05/11. 7:50am
  After the break we heard some prank calls Sal and Richard made to a call in auction show. Fred also played Metallica's ''Enter Sandman'' as they were coming back.

  Howard came back and had George do a quick announce. George did one about Robin and how he'd still like to see her big round titties even though she's a vegan.

  Howard said Jesse Ventura was there and he has a book out called ''63 Documents the Government Doesn't Want You to Read.'' Howard said he heard that Jesse flew on a private jet to get there. He said he thought he as a man of the people. Jesse said he has to do that because of a lawsuit he has going on right now. He said he has metal plates in him so he has to be subjected to the body scans and that's just not right. He said he's suing over that so he has to fly private.

  Howard asked Jesse about what someone is supposed to do if they find the metal detector going off. Howard asked how they are supposed to take someone's word for it that they have metal in their body. Jesse said he's not sure so that's why he's just suing for himself. He said he was a governor and a mayor and he was a U.S. Navy Seal. He said he's an honorable person and he's not sure why they have to search him. He said that he's tired of trying to prove that he's innocent. He said elected officials don't have to go through this scan. He said he's not sure why John Boehner doesn't have to do that.

  Jesse said that when they do these scans they feel you up and he'd rather have a woman doing it than a man. Howard said he finds Jesse to be a handsome man and he was wondering if he would be up for some gay stuff. Jesse saw that George Takei was sitting in so he said hi to him and said he's a big fan. He said he loved Star Trek and he used to watch them before he'd tell his friends not to call him until the show was over. That was way back in 1969. Howard said that George told them some stories about getting his ass licked the other day. Howard asked if that ever happened to him when he was wrestling. Jesse said he can't recall.

  Howard asked Jesse about what's going on in Libya and Muammar Gaddafi. He said there are many other places in this world where we don't do shit when there are uprisings. Jesse said it happens in many places, like Rwanda, and if there's not oil there we don't care.

  Howard asked if he thinks we should say out of Libya. Jesse said we should get out of Afghanistan and Iraq too. He said that we don't belong there. He said we have to clean up our own back yard before we go and do that.

  Howard and Jesse talked about the fight against terrorism. Jesse said you really cant fight it. He said it's a very tough fight.

  Jesse and Howard talked about 9/11 and the theories Jesse has about that. Howard asked why he didn't talk about this stuff on Piers Morgan last night. Jesse said he's so off the grid in Mexico that he doesn't find out about news like the Japan earthquake and the invasion of Libya until 5 days after each of those stories.

  Howard asked Jesse about his theory about the weather control they have up in Alaska. Jesse said they can control the weather and knock airplanes out of the air. He said they lie about it too. He said they call it an unclassified research center and it's clearly classified because they wouldn't let him in.

  Howard said maybe they made a mistake and they caused a tsunami. Jesse said that might be what happened before the one that hit Indonesia. He said that the people there saw the Northern Lights before it hit and that's what happens when this weather control place is ramped up.

  Jesse said he heard a story about how they were supposed to get hit with the tsunami around 5:20pm one night and he ran home and got his surfboard. He said he stood out there and the water just went out a couple of feet and came back in. There was no tsunami there.

  Howard asked Jesse if he thinks that he's macho or does he do some wussy stuff. He said he cries at movies. Jesse said what really gets him is if he thinks about his parents. He said he misses them a great deal. Jesse said his parents were great people and he learned a lot from them. He said he learned that they go to war over money from his dad. He said his mother was a World War II veteran too. He said his dad didn't want him to go into the service. He said his dad was opposed to the Vietnam War and he knew it was just about money.

  Jesse told Howard that they found lithium in Afghanistan and that's why we're over there. He said the government says they want to bring democracy to the country but that's bullshit. If they just said we're there for the lithium then he'd understand.

  Howard asked Jesse about this new book he has out and if it's conspiracy theories. Jesse said they're public documents and you can read every document they had in there. He said his books sell and he's had 4 best sellers so far. He said the pre-sale of this one has been 3 times the sales of the last book.

  Howard asked Jesse if there are shows that won't have him on. He said the people at FOX won't have him on. He said Hanntiy, O'Reilly and Beck will not have him on. He said they say they're fair and balanced but they won't have him on. He said that Al Jazera will have him on but not FOX. He said Al Jazera is more fair and balanced in his opinion.

  Jesse says that he'd run with Ron Paul if he runs for President. Jesse said that Ron Paul wants the federal reserve audited. He said that's a good thing. He also stood up and said that no one died from this WikiLeaks web site and he's right. He said that he supports the guy who runs that web site. He said he found out that this new premiere of Sweden had ties to Carl Rove and he's thinking that maybe WikiLeaks has stuff on Rove and Cheney and that's why they're trying to keep him down.

  Howard asked if Jesse thinks that Ron Paul could really win. Jesse said he thinks that they could if he quit the Republican party and they had fair access to all 50 states. Howard asked if he likes him because he'll actually carry out his promises. He said Obama promised a bunch of stuff and hasn't come through. Howard said if you say you're going to pull out of a war you do it. Jesse said that Ron Paul says we walked into that war in Afghanistan and we can walk right back out.

  Robin asked if Jesse thinks that they got to Obama and told him what's really going on over in Afghanistan and that's why we're still there. Jesse said he was probably ''taken to the wood shed'' and told what was going on and the country really isn't being run by the President.

  Howard asked Jesse about this theory he has about how Lyme disease is a biological agent. Jesse said there's a testing station not to far from where Howard lives on Long Island and the Lyme disease is called Lyme because it was first reported in Lyme, Connecticut. He said he thinks that it could have come from Plum Island where that testing center is.

  Jesse has stories about the veterans who are not taken care of by the government. He said they just forget about them and move on to the next. He said we should be ashamed of the way we treat our veterans.

  Howard brought up the bee population and what Jesse thinks is going on there. Jesse said that Albert Einstein said that when the bees go, we go. He said he thinks that it's the insecticides that are killing them. Howard said he's all for DDT and he'd like to get rid of the bedbugs. Robin said George had bedbugs. Howard said when they had DDT they got rid of the bedbugs.

  Jesse said they put preservatives on the food up here. He said down in Mexico his food spoils in a couple of days. He said that this stuff is not good for people and they don't need to be making fruit look fresh for 30 days.

  Robin asked why they do this to the food if the people who are doing it are eating the same food. Jesse said maybe they're not eating the same food.

  Howard said that they used to put salt peter to the food at camp when he was going. He said it was supposed to make you less horny but it apparently didn't work. He said he was fucking like a rabbit.

  Howard said that Jesse is going to be signing his book at bookends in Ridgewood, New Jersey tonight. He has a couple of other book signing's coming up this week as well.

  Howard asked George if he was learning anything today. George said this was very enlightening. George said he admired what Jesse did as governor of Minnesota too. Jesse said he worked for four years to get gay employees benefits. He said he was successful but that was gone shortly after he left office. He said they took them away again.

  Howard had George correcting Jesse on his pronunciation of ''tsunami.'' Howard was corrected yesterday. Jesse apologized for saying it wrong.

  Howard asked Jesse why they never pulled off taking out Castro in Cuba. Jesse said they tried and tried and Fidel outsmarted them.

  Howard asked Jesse about his story about this country beheading someone over in Iraq. Jesse said he's not sure why they did it but they did. He said they'd have to talk to the people who did it to find out why they did it. Jesse thinks that we're still torturing prisoners.

  Howard asked Jesse about being alone in Mexico with his wife. Jesse said being with her isn't being alone. Howard asked if he yaps all day or does he shut down while he's there. Jesse said he shuts down. He said he tries to keep that out of his home life. He said he does get worked up sometimes but he tries to keep it out. Howard asked if his wife believes in these theories of his. He said she's believing the stories about the government and how they're not good.

  Howard asked Jesse if it's dangerous down there in Mexico. Jesse said that there are places that are but not where he's at. Howard asked if he's allowed to carry a gun down there. Jesse said that it's illegal to have one. He said that the cops have been keeping an eye on him keeping him safe there. Howard said Jesse is on fire. He said he sees what's going on there.

  Howard asked Jesse if he's going to cut his hair. Jesse said you have to keep it short if you run for office. Jesse said that he can't even run for office now. He said that he's become an Atheist and you can't get elected if you're an Atheist. He said that George Carlin is the one who convinced him. He said that he worships the sun and that's the thing he believes in. He said he can see the sun and he can't see anything else. Jesse said until someone can prove to him that God exists, he's not going to believe. He hasn't seen proof in the 59 years he's been alive.

  Howard asked Jesse why we're here. Jesse said we evolved. Robin asked if there are other places like this in the universe. Jesse said he doesn't know. Howard told him to go home and think about all of this and answer it in his next book. Howard said he wants to know why we are here and if there are aliens.

  Jesse said he believes that we may become energy when we die but that's it. He said that from what he knows is that God is this guy in the sky who wants your money. He said if he's in the sky then why does he need money? Howard said we've all seen pictures of guys praying to rocks and laugh but people are prying to an invisible man and not laughing.

  Howard asked Jesse if he's seen these iPad things. Jesse said he's never even had a cell phone. He said between computers, cell phones and other stuff people aren't living their lives. Howard asked what he does on the plane when he's flying. Jesse said that he reads a real book. He likes turning the pages in a real book.

  Howard gave Jesse another plug for his book ''63 Documents the Government Doesn't Want You to Read'' and for his upcoming book signing's.

  Howard asked if he will talk to the people. Jesse said of course he will. He said if they're reasonable questions he'll answer them.

  Jesse heard about Howard flying out to California soon so he told him to come down to Cabo San Lucas to visit him. Howard said he'd be afraid to stay with him alone. Jesse told him that he wouldn't be alone, his wife will be there. Jesse told him to fly down there. Howard said that he doesn't know if he can do that.

  Howard took a call from Bobo who said that he's got a theory of 2012 and how the world is going to end. He told Jesse to explain it. Jesse said that every 150 years the sun cleanses itself and the earth has a magnetic force field around it and there's a hole in it right now. He said that the last one happened in 1860 and it didn't affect us because we didn't have electricity. He said the whole United States could be knocked off the grid. He said if that happened then there would be chaos. Howard said he was impressed that the Japanese didn't riot or loot after the earthquake and tsunami. Jesse said they certainly weren't Americans.

  Bobo told Jesse to tell people about more of his theories. Howard told Bobo to tell everyone about his 87 IQ. Jesse said that Bobo was talking about this Denver airport thing and how there are no hotels by the airport out there. He said supposedly the chosen ones will be going into the bunkers under the airport there. He said it won't be us who gets to go into those bunkers.

  Howard asked Jesse what books he's been reading. Jesse said he read the book ''Charles Manson Now'' and it was very interesting.

  Bobo asked Jesse where he's going to be on December 21, 2012. Jesse said he'll be at home in Cabo San Lucas. He said he's got solar power there and he'll be the one who has power when everyone else is knocked off the grid. He said he may have a couple hundred thousand people asking to live with him then.

  Howard and Jesse spent some time talking about the death penalty and life in prison. Jesse said that he thinks that ''life'' should be life. He said that they shouldn't' be allowed to get a parole hearing in 8 years.

  Bobo asked when Jesse's show ''Conspiracy Theories'' is coming back. Jesse said that they're in talks and he's not sure when it'll be back. He said that one show was censored and that was the show about police state stuff and how FEMA is building internment camps. George was locked up in one as a child. Howard said maybe George will go with him down to visit Jesse at his home in Mexico. George said he'll go.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he heard that there are openings to inner earth at the north and south poles. Howard said he's asking if the earth is hollow. Jesse said he doesn't believe that.

  Gary said JD sent him a great article about Jesse's show and how they're erasing the shows from DVRs. Jesse hadn't heard that one. Howard said his head will explode if he tries to figure that one out.

  Howard wrapped up with Jesse after giving him some more plugs for his book and book signing's. Jesse begged him to come down and visit him at his home. Howard said he's been to Mexico many times and he's never going back. They went to break a short time later.

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• Benjy Annoys The Shit Out Of Jesse Ventura. 04/05/11. 9:00am
  After the break we heard a prank call the guys made using George Takei clips where he did his Little Lupe impression. Fred also played Van Halen's ''Dreams'' as they were coming back.

  Howard came back in the middle of a sentence saying that Benjy is a weirdo. He said that he was out in the hall bugging Jesse Ventura. He said that he wanted to get out of there and Benjy was annoying the shit out of him. Howard had Jesse come back in for a minute. Jesse said that he was annoying the shit out of him out in the hall. He said he grills him about stuff and he was ready to bitch slap him.

  Jesse told Howard that he's going to apply for dual citizenship in Mexico. He said when you turn 60 down there they cut your property taxes in half. He said he could end up the president of Mexico for all he knows. Howard let him go a short time later.

  Howard asked Benjy what he's doing. He said that their guests don't want to be bothered. He asked Benjy why he got involved with him. Benjy said he had a question that he thought was interesting. He said he thought it was okay to do that in the hall. Howard told him to leave the guy alone. Benjy said he was asking him if he was okay with luggage being searched. Howard told Gary to fire anyone who bugs the guests in the hallway from now on. He told Benjy to leave people alone.

  Howard asked George if he knows what he's saying. Benjy said he gets what he's saying and he thought it was okay to do that at the time. Howard said the guy was in there for an hour.

  Howard said he just got a note saying that he was talking to Jesse during the whole break. Benjy said he thought it was okay to do it out there. Howard said Jesse doesn't want to answer his questions. Howard said the guy is a fucking nut.

  Jason came in and said that he heard Benjy does it a lot. Howard told Gary to tell him when he's doing that stuff. He said he's interfering with him when he's doing this stuff.

  Doug Goodstein came in and said that he and Tim heard the conversation and it was very interesting. He said that he was asking about smuggling and things like that. Howard said that Benjy is using him and he feels very violent when he's doing that. Benjy said he thought it was fine to do that with the guests in the hall when they're interviewing them. Howard said it's off limits. Doug said they'd pull the tape if Howard wanted to hear it.

  Howard said this is fucking stupid and he wants Ronnie to pull him out of there when he's doing that stuff. Ronnie said he's tried to do that and he's always bugging people.

  Benjy told Howard to calm down and not take his anger out on him. Howard told Benjy not to do it anymore. Benjy told him to talk to him respectfully. Howard said he's getting annoyed and he doesn't want him pulling his shtick with the guests. Benjy said he gets that but don't act like he did something to use him. Howard said he's using his success and fame to do whatever it is he's doing out there. He told him he can't do that. Benjy said he gets it.

  Howard said that he will not go back on Piers Morgan's show for a long time because of the way they used him over there. He said he admires and likes Benjy but he doesn't think about what he's doing. He said he just told Steve Langford not to bother the guests and then Benjy bothers a guest.

  Howard asked Benjy if he's going to do this anymore. Benjy said no but he wanted to talk more about it. He said he gets permission to do this before he does it. Robin said it sounds like he's saying that the TV guys are giving him permission to do it. Howard said if that's the case then he has a problem with them. Benjy said he's asked before. He said he asked today too.

  Gregg Karmel came in and told Howard that all he did was tell Benjy that he was done with Jesse when he asked to speak to him. He said he wasn't giving him permission to speak to the guests. Howard said he understands that but he won't have to worry about it because he's told Benjy that he's not to bother guests anymore.

  Fred said that Benjy is like an untrainable dog. He said that there is no way to tech him about this stuff. Howard said Benjy never says no to himself and he has to learn to control himself. He said he can be a pro. He said when he goes on Letterman he doesn't have Paul Shaffer coming in and bothering him. He said Benjy isn't to bother anyone.

  Benjy asked if he could go over and kiss George. Howard told him to go ahead. Then he told him not to bother him but George looked like he was into it so he let him do it. They kissed and Howard thought George used his tongue. Benjy ended up explaining to Benjy why Howard is upset. Benjy kept saying that he checked with Gregg about the interview. Howard said he has to check with him, not with Gregg.

  Howard said he only talks to someone like a child who acts like a child. Benjy insists he wasn't acting like a child. He said that he will check with Howard from now on. Howard said he's sure he'll never hear from him. Howard said his questions were dumb anyway. Benjy said that's a subjective thing.

  Gary said that Gregg is upset that this whole ''checking with'' thing is out of hand. Benjy didn't check with him, he just asked if he could talk to Jesse when he was done. Howard said he knows that and he's done with this whole thing.

• Robin's News. 04/05/11. 9:20am
  Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon came in and ran down his list of subjects for today's show. Jon wondered if Benjy has learned his lesson. Fred said he could answer that and said no. He told them to mark it down in the computer so they know the day he was supposed to have learned his lesson was not the day he learned that lesson.

  Fred played Robin into her news with a new song parody ''Robin's Vagina.'' Fred also played her Guatemalan theme music and some Debbie the Pet Lady screaming ''Robin'' a bunch of times.

  Robin started off with a story about Derek Jeter having to rent an apartment because of the construction going on in his building. Howard said it's an ongoing thing in an apartment building.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw engagement chicken on The Today Show with Beth. Howard said she taped that a while ago and he forgot to mention it. The caller said she's really good looking. Howard said she's great and he likes being with her. He doesn't need any other company. Robin said that's Howard's M.O. and he always does that and locks himself into his house.

  Robin read a story about a package that was intercepted in the mail of a pigs foot and targeted at someone the person thought was Jewish. Howard said it's great when they do that and think that someone is Jewish but they're not. He said that it might have been Gary or someone there who got something like that.

  Howard took a call from a guy who was from Merrick Long Island. Howard ended up talking about how he wished he could have lived there. He said his parents looked at one house there but it needed work and they thought it was too expensive. Howard said that they would brag about how nice they kept their house in Roosevelt. Howard did impressions of his parents while he talked about that.

  The caller asked what they think about the 3 more bodies they found on this beach out there. Howard said that they have 8 bodies total and there's apparently a serial killer on the loose. Howard said he's going to plead with this guy not to leave them on the beach. Robin said they're saying that this guy could start taunting the police and they expect to find more bodies. Robin said they're not even sure if they found the body they were looking for. They were looking for a missing prostitute when they found these other bodies.

  Howard said he asked Ronnie to heat up his oatmeal and he must have heated it up for 10 minutes. Ronnie said he gave it to Will to give it to an intern. Howard told him not to do that. Howard said the stuff was so hot that he couldn't eat it. Will said they did it for 2 minutes. Will said they'll do it for one minute next time. Howard said he wants Will to handle his food, not an intern. Will said he'll do that. George asked Benjy if he saw how well Will handled that. Benjy was still arguing about it so Howard just moved on.

  Robin got to some more news about the dead bodies. Howard took another call and the guy said that Bobo was out of hand with his questions today. He said he's a bald headed, fucking asshole. He said he had too many questions. Howard said he couldn't get out of that call.

  Robin said that Lindsay Lohan is going to audition for the new Superman movie. Howard said that she really screwed up her career. He said she's got a problem now because they don't know if she's going to show up to work or if she's going to distract from the movie. Robin said Lindsay is up on some felony grand theft charges and she has to go to court for that.

  A caller said that Howard has to consider making the ''Black on Black'' show a weekly show. He said King of All Black is the funniest guy he's heard. Howard said he likes the show and their chemistry. He played a clip from last night's show where King of All Blacks was telling Big Black about how he met his wife and how he has to remind her where she came from. Howard said King is a garbage man and he's reminding his wife of where she came from. Howard said he's basically putting her into her place. Howard played more of the show and said that King had met a girl and tried to set her up with Big Black. Big and the girl spoke a little bit and Big was grilling her about why she was there. She just wanted to see what was going on. Howard said Big Black is really bad with women. Howard said the guys are doing a great job with the show. He went to break a short time later.

  After the quick break Robin got back to her news and read a story about Will Smith and his son starring in a new M. Night Shyamalan movie. Howard wondered why these people do this to their kids. George said it's an old Hollywood thing and he feels for the kids.

  Robin read about Michael Buble's home being robbed while he was at his wedding.

  Robin also read about last night's NCAA finals. She had some news and some audio clips to play. She said March Madness is at an end now.

  Howard said they were all worked up about this Three Stooges movie that they were going to make and he thought it was a weird idea. He said he's been following it and now they say that they're still casting it. They say that Sean Hayes will be playing Larry. He said that now it's Will Sasso and Sean Hayes instead of Sean Penn and Benico Del Torro. He said it seems to be going down hill.

  Robin read a story about how people are giving up pets because they can't afford them anymore. Robin said there are shelters that are full and people are still dropping the pets off. Howard said it's so sad that they do that. He said it's an epidemic. Howard said a lot of people are children and they won't accept responsibility for their pets. Howard said there are a lot of people who say they can't afford things like that but they buy cigarettes and drink all the time. He said people are shitheads.

  George said they have some feral cats in their neighborhood and they have them spayed and neutered so they can't keep breeding. They can't take them into their homes but that's how they try to help.

  Robin said that a man on Facebook got a donor kidney thanks to someone who had seen his wife's post on the social networking site. Robin said that this man was a stranger and he saved this man's life. Robin had audio of the wife talking about what she did. She had some audio of the donor too. Howard said that man is an amazing guy.

  Robin read about a teacher that got 30 years in prison for having sex with an underage student.

  Howard took a call from a guy who asked if you can get e.coli from licking ass. George said they clean up before doing that. He said they just lick their tongues over the area. It doesn't go in. George said they're wrestling and moving about when they do this. The caller said ''I bet!'' He also said it sounds very foul to him. Howard asked if they ever go to the bathroom on one another. George said they do not.

  Robin read that Rosie O'Donnell came to the defense of Chris Brown. She had some audio of her talking about that. Rosie was talking about stars who trash hotel rooms and wondering why this kid was being held to a different standard. Rosie seemed to think that it could be a racial thing. Howard said he thinks that he's being held to a different standard because he beat a woman. Rosie went on to say she felt bad for Chris Brown and felt angry at the interviewer. Howard said that Rosie is right about one thing. He said that there are people who have done horrible things and they don't get called out on it at the Emmys or the Oscars. Howard said he disagrees with her about what Brown did in the green room. He said he has angry issues. Howard said there are a few guys who are applauded for what they've done and he's not going to name them because he's not sure he has the stories right.

  Robin read a story about Simon Cowell holding auditions for his new X Factor show. Robin said that they're telling acts they'd better be ready to perform on the big stage immediately. She had some audio of Simon talking about that.

  Robin read about Sammy Hagar being the first guest on Dr. Drew's new TV show on HLN. Robin had some audio from that show.

  Robin had some audio of Leon Russell singing ''Tight Rope'' to promote her charity. Robin said he's got some legal trouble this week. She said that he's going to court for a case his wife has against him.

  Howard aid they just Tweeted a clip of Benjy and George kissing. They showed it in the studio. They showed it in slow motion too. Howard asked George if his mouth opens on instinct. George said it does. Howard said they Tweet stuff out during the show and it's very, very good.

  Robin read about Robbie Robertson coming out with a new album for the first time in 13 years. Robin had Howard play one of his new songs. Howard said it kind of blows when you have great songs to perform but you can't sing. Robin said Clapton is on the album too. He worked with Trent Reznor on it too. Howard said he loves that Trent Reznor even though he has no idea what he's up to these days. He knows he did that Facebook movie soundtrack.

  Robin read a story about James Franco and the new movie ''Your Highness.'' Howard said the movie is hysterical. He said that Danny McBride is one funny mother fucker. He said he liked Natalie Portman in it. He heard that the ass they show in the movie wasn't really her's though. Robin had some audio of James Franco talking about Danny McBride. Howard said he didn't think he was going to like it but he did.

  Robin had audio of Saoirse Ronan talking about the new movie ''Hanna.'' She had some audio of Jennifer Garner talking about working with Russell Brand on the new ''Arthur'' movie too. Robin had some audio of Robert De Niro talking about ''Little Fockers'' which just came out on DVD. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:10am.

• Wrap Up Show - Benjy And Jesse Ventura. 04/05/11. 10:15am
  Jon and Gary started the show talking about Steve Langford and his explanation of why he didn't come in yesterday when Howard wanted him to. Gary said he doesn't buy into what he's saying. He said he did stand his ground though.

  Jon said he wanted to talk about Benjy and talking to Jesse Ventura in the hall. Gary said he has to go back and watch the tape. He said he heard that Jesse wanted to talk to Benjy but Jason and some of the guys said he was just being nice and he really wanted to leave. Gary said they had David Lee Roth on the show once and they said goodbye to him but he ended up sticking around and talking to Stuttering John in the office. He said David wanted to be there and he had no place to be so he stuck around. He said Jesse had places to go.

  Gary said Benjy will be there soon but he waned to get this out now. He said that they're doing some behind the scenes stuff for Howard TV and that's what Benjy may have been getting in on. Jon said he was asking really weird stuff and it was inappropriate to ask about some of it.

  Benjy showed up so Jon asked him if he learned his lesson or will he keep talking to guests in the hallway. Benjy said he doesn't like the first part of that question so he won't answer. He said it's really condescending. Benjy said he will get permission to speak to people in the hall before doing it. Benjy said he didn't just talk to Gregg either. He said he asked Doug too. Benjy said he'll go out there and say hi to some of the guests and take pictures with them. He said he gets that it's different. He said he does try to interact with some guests.

  Jon asked Benjy about constantly being in the green room like Ronnie mentioned. Gary said Benjy should probably ask him if he can talk to the guests. Benjy said he'll do that. Benjy said he thought that in the past he would do that but when they were there with the cameras he thought it would be okay.

  Jon asked why anyone is talking to the guests. Gary said he has to defend Benjy a little bit. He said Benjy didn't go in to have a personal conversation. He said he was doing it for the Howard TV cameras. He said that it's kind of unclear why it's okay for him to go out and bother Tracy Morgan on the set of his show and it's not okay for him to do this. He said it can be kind of confusing. Benjy said he wasn't doing it for himself. He said he was doing it for the show. Gary said that's what he got out of it too.

  Jon said Benjy seemed to make it more of issue with Howard about the way he was talking to him. Benjy said that's correct. Jon asked why he took that tact. Benjy said he didn't like the way he was addressing the issue. Gary asked why he picked today to fight back though. Benjy said he doesn't know.

  Jon asked if he felt more secure with George sitting there. Benjy said he did. He said it makes any situation a little happier when he's there. Gary said here's a buffer between him and Howard so it makes it easier.

  Jon asked Benjy about his kiss with George. Benjy said that he thought it would be funny to see that. He said he has no sexual attraction to him and he didn't want the stigma of making out with him either. Gary said he thinks that he would have kissed longer if he had kissed with just lips. George opened his mouth. Benjy said that the only other guy that did that was Jeffrey Ross. He said that Jeff started kissing him back and that's not the bit. They had to go to break after that.

• Wrap Up Show - George Takei And Howard's Therapy. 04/05/11. 10:30am
  After the break George Takei had come in so Jon spoke to him about how Brad's weight comes up a lot on the show. George said that Brad is addicted to the show but he refuses to listen when he's on. George said that he's given him free reign to speak but he won't listen. He said he has done that from day one. George said that he gets it from that guy who does the synopsis of the show. (Hi Brad!) He said he gets email from fans telling him what he does on the show too.

  Jon asked George how Brad would react if he knew about the kiss. George said he knows it's part of the show so he's okay with it. George said that they kiss other people when they go to parties and stuff. Jason said that Brad just went on his Twitter account and wrote ''Brad here, on George's Twitter. I know you kissed Benjy on the lips, George. Sunday is OFF.''

  Jon asked George about the way Benjy kissed him and if he felt him pull away. George said he did feel him pull away. The guys said that he was turning red from that.

  Jon asked George about the discussion he had with Howard about therapy. George said that Fred hit it on the head and it's all about the generation gap. He said he grew up in an internment camp and it wasn't a pleasant experience. He said he saw his parents with nothing when they got out of the internment camps. He said that they started businesses and his father got into real estate when the Japanese American community was growing and he became very successful. He said they're his role models and he's tried to live his life by being self reliant and finding that stuff in him to deal with problems. He said that the generation that came after that, Howard's generation, come from much softer society. He said they're more reliant on outside support and guidance. George said from his vantage point Howard isn't able to deal with it himself but he has given guidance to people on the show. George said he tries to deal with problems himself.

  Benjy asked if he thinks that a therapist helps the situation at all. George said he has a lot of thoughts and maybe if he went to a therapist he could be a better, more complete ''me.'' He said that maybe the way he handles his life is keeping him from having a more fulfilling life. He said Howard says he's unhappy and angry so that's a very serious thing. He said Howard's life should be very rich and challenging. If he spent more time thinking and meditating on his own circumstance he thinks that Howard could find what he's looking for.

  Jon said it sounds like he's saying that Howard should do it all himself. Gary said George told him to get rid of Ronnie and go find his own way around the city. Gary said maybe Howard could find his way if he had to. George thinks he could do it.

  Ronnie was in so Jon asked if he took that personally. Ronnie said he's not worried because Howard doesn't know where he's going. Gary asked Ronnie if he thinks Howard is really that bad off getting around the city. Ronnie said it all depends on where you drop him off. He said that he could never figure out the subway. Ronnie said it would take some time but it wouldn't be easy.

  Ronnie said when Howard lived on Long Island he'd tell Howard to make a left out of his driveway. He has no sense of direction. George said he thinks that he's become too dependant on him. Ronnie said he's always been that way. Even when he took the subway he wouldn't go alone. He would be with Robin and Fred.

  Gary asked if everyone else in the room would like to be driven around. He said he would love that. Jon said he likes driving. Ronnie said he likes driving too but he hates the city.

  Jon asked George if he thinks there is something missing in Howard's life since he doesn't have friends he hangs out with. George said that he is Howard Stern so it's tough to find someone who isn't looking for something from him. He said that if he wasn't a celebrity then maybe he'd find some genuine friends. George said one of his best friends is his attorney. He said the guy knows everything about him and it's easier to become friends.

  Gary asked George if he has friends that he grew up with that he stays in touch with. George said he really doesn't. He said he went to some reunions and they're just different people now. He said they got along in school but they've changed over the decades. He said he has one friend who is a barber and he goes to see him sometimes. Benjy asked if they socialize at all. George said he just has him cut his hair.

  Jon asked Ronnie about Benjy and what he does with guests. Ronnie said that he'll tell him to go away and he'll just look and smile and keep doing it. He said he's not picking on him when he does it. He said he's just abiding by Howard's rules.

  Ronnie said Sal used to ignore him about it too until Howard blasted him about it. He said that Howard blew up at him today and Howard was very mad. He said Benjy may not even realize how mad Howard really was. He said no one knows when Benjy is being serious or not so that's the whole problem there.

  Gary said that the only thing odder than Benjy is the quiet Benjy. George said that there's a very defensive Benjy too that's very odd. Benjy asked George if he saw 20 buck on a table and took it then you'd want to explain why you took it before being yelled at about it. He said that's the way he felt today. George said that Will was getting yelled at too and he just told Howard he was wrong and he'd fix the problem. That's what Benjy should have done. They had to go to break a short time later.

• Wrap Up Show - More With George Takei. 04/05/11. 10:55am
  After the break Jon asked George about Jesse Ventura and if he agreed with what he was saying today. George said he agreed with him on a lot of things. He said that he was talking about life in prison and how they let you out on parole. He said that life in prison does need to mean ''life'' or people are going to say we need capital punishment. George said they are way past the guillotine and we shouldn't be doing that.

  Gary said he's on the fence about that. He said he thinks that the death penalty is right for some people. George said he doesn't believe that and killing people who are mentally ill shouldn't be killed. Gary said there was no doubt about these two guys up in Connecticut who killed a family. He said that they're not even denying they did it. George said we have to be a civilized people and not kill people like that. Gary said they could go on with this for a long time but he's not a big proponent of capital punishment.

  Jon took a call from a guy who brought up what Howard did to Steve Langford and how he shouldn't be so rough on him. He had a relationship with him and asked him to do a favor. Gary said that the thing he would say is that Howard has the right to make the rules there. He said it's not up for discussion to question those rules. He said Howard is telling them to abide by his rules and that's that.

  Jon took another call from a guy who asked Benjy how many years he's worked for Howard. He said it's like 10 or 12 or something. The caller asked how many times he's been told not to mess with the guests. Benjy wasn't sure. The caller said he's heard him say it many times. He also told Benjy not to talk to Howard the way he did. He said he'd get fired if he spoke to his boss the way Benjy did to Howard. George said that he didn't know about this policy and he's done this for other kids. Gary cut him off and said they had to end the show and jokingly said he had to get George back there to cut an answering machine message for him. They ended the show a short time later.

• George Takei's Love Of Theater. 04/06/11. 6:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: Sal and Richard's ''The Ronnie Mund Show'' bit, an Eric the Midget song parody, Robin and Lou Bellera (Amy Fisher's husband) sex tape parody, Billy Preston performing a medley of songs live in the Howard Stern Show studio, a Ronnie Mund ''Dude'' song parody to the tune of ''All the Young Dudes,'' 'Gina Man clip ''I got more feet to taste'' clip, Yoko Ono's ''People of Earth... How are you?'' clip.

  Howard started the show talking about the Spider-Man play and asking George if he had seen it. George said he wanted to wait until it got reviewed. He said he wants them to try their best before he goes and sees it. They have a new director coming in. Howard said it's basically over. George said he loves theater. Howard said a lot of women and gay dudes love theater. George said a lot of seniors like it too. Howard said he doesn't care to sit in a theater and have gas.

  George told Howard about some of the plays he and Brad have seen. Howard said he doesn't care about plays. He said it's just boring to him. George said maybe he should see a therapist about that.

  Robin told Howard about one play where they had a shower scene with about 9 guys naked taking a shower. Howard said they shouldn't even bother writing a play about it. They should just have guys come out and get naked.

  Howard said he's thinking about writing a play where guys come out and shower and loufa each other. He said he's going to keep it short. He said he's going to have ass licking in his play.

  Howard said he got a lot of email about George's comments about ass licking. He said he gets a lot of praise. Howard read some of the email they got from the fans about how great George is on the show. There were people saying he should be on all the time. Howard read one about a guy who met Brad and George and said Brad isn't fat, he's just aging softly.

  George told Howard that Brad announced that Sunday is off for kissing Benjy. He said he's going to talk him back into it. Howard said that was just shtick. Howard said Brad is trying to be funny. Howard said it was funny how he opened his mouth for Benjy when he kissed him. George said that's habitual. He said it just happened out of habit. Howard said he keeps his mouth closed. Robin said you have to work into it. The Howard TV guys showed the shot to the guys in the studio.

  Howard read some more of the email about George. There were some people talking about therapy and George's thoughts on that. There were some who agreed with him about Howard being able to fix himself. The guy said that you can get sick from licking an asshole. The guy said that if they have pathogens in their intestines they can be passed out of the asshole. If that person has been sick in the past 3 days, don't lick that bung.

• Benjy And Jesse Ventura Discussion. 04/06/11. 6:10am
  Howard read an email about him going off on Benjy. The writer was going off on Howard about how he has to back off with that. Howard said he's not going to back off because he saw video of the whole thing. He said Benjy was annoying Jesse Ventura and the guy was just being nice to him. Howard said he doesn't mind if Benjy walks by and tells a guest that he was good on the show. He said that this interview Benjy was doing was going on for like 6 or 7 minutes. He said this is not the place to do that. He said if you run into someone on the street you have to use common sense.

  Benjy said he won't do it again. Howard said it was boring and dull and he challenged anyone to sit through it. He said he wants his guests to feel safe and protected. He said he'd like them to come in and have a good time and then be able to leave. Howard said he knows what it's like. They don't want to let you out of there. He said he's gotten stuck at places like Piers Morgan's show. He said he wants the same professionalism that they have at Letterman's show. He said they don't bother him at all.

  Howard said if someone at Letterman came up and started bothering him he's not going back. He said he went and did Jon Stewart's show and they don't come out and say a word. He said they ignore you and he likes that. Howard said if Jesse had come up to Benjy and asked him a question that's fine. He said the guy wanted to get out of there and Benjy just kept going.

  Howard said he did the Piers Morgan show and did an hour and a half interview and then they came out with more cameras and kept asking him questions for another half hour. He said he doesn't want to be bothered like that. Robin said they've had to stop others. Howard said Gary should put a stop to it if he sees it going on. Robin said Sal was one of the guys doing that. Howard said he had to tell Sal to stop. He was so out of control he was trying to get Ace Freley's phone number. He walked into the green room and told Jon Stewart he wasn't funny. Howard said he likes Jon and the guy hasn't been back since then.

  Benjy said he gets it and it won't happen again. Howard said he's just talking to the emailers. He said he knows Benjy gets it. Howard said that's that.

• Praise For Howard's Hurdy Gurdy Man. 04/06/11. 6:20am
  Howard said he got an email that was very comforting and wonderful. He read about this guy who is new to the show and he heard a remake of the Hurdy Gurdy Man and wondered who the artist was. Howard said the guy couldn't find the version of the song. Howard said the artist was him. He said he is an artist. Robin said she heard it and remembered that they don't' do that anymore. Howard said people were telling him he was being an asshole. Howard said he knew that song was good but people thought he was being an asshole.

  Howard had Fred play some of the song the emailers was talking about. It opened the show yesterday. Howard said that's the way he heard it in his head so that's the way they did it. He likes that version of the song. George said it was fantastic. Howard said he does it all.

  George said he should perform it in his Internment Camp play. Howard said he doesn't do theater. George said Howard should come see the play. Howard didn't seem interested. Howard said he wants to do medical experiments on him in the play. Robin said he wasn't in Germany. Howard said he would rather be a real internment camp guard. Jesse Ventura told them that they're bringing them back.

  Howard said he had to thank the emailer for that. He said someone appreciates his music. He has it in him and just doesn't get it out.

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• Radio Wars That No One Knows About. 04/06/11. 6:25am
  Howard said he ran out of time yesterday and didn't talk about this great story. He said there are shows on black radio that no one knows about. He said there's a DJ there called Mr. Cee who is on Hot 97. He said this guy said he was getting a blow job from a tranny in a car and in black radio that doesn't go over very well. Howard said the black community is going to pounce on you for something like that. He said that Funkmaster Flex is on Power 105 and he got on the air to talk about that. JD came in and told Howard more about what was going on. He said they're the rivals to Hot 97.

  Howard corrected himself and said that Funkmaster Flex is on Hot 97. Howard said he used to listen to him actually. He said that Flex and Mr. Cee are on the same station. The Power 105 group were making fun of Mr. Cee so Flex got upset with them. Howard said he has no idea what the fuck is going on over there. Howard said this is like Rwanda to him.

  Howard played some of the Power 105 group talking about Mr. Cee getting arrested for receiving fellatio from a man in his vehicle. They goofed on Mr. Cee about what he did and said it was okay to be gay but still goofed on him.

  Howard said when you're black you can't be doing that without catching some crap. He said you keep it on the down low or you get goofed on. Howard played more of the audio and the Power 105 morning show were still goofing on Mr. C.

  Howard said this guy on Power 105 spoke to someone named Charlemagne and they compiled a list of things they have heard the other show say about them. JD was explaining to Howard what's going on with the two stations and who everyone was.

  Howard said all of this heavy stuff is going on and no one gives a shit except for these guys. He played more of the audio and they were talking about how they had pictures and information on all of these people. Howard said Lisa G used to work over at Hot 97 and for Power 105 so he wondered if they had information on her too.

  Robin said she's pretty sure that the guys on the show can speak the King's English and the accent they're putting on is fake.

  Howard said he knows that you get your ass kicked if you're gay in the black community. Robin said they might be making up the story about how they have files on these people.

  Howard said Funkmaster Flex got upset about them making fun of Mr. Cee so he came to the aid of Mr. C. Howard played some of the audio of that. Flex was playing bombing sounds and going off on the other station. Howard said you'll hear the bombs going off because it's like he's in a war. Flex said they don't discriminate against anyone. He had the explosions going off behind him as he explained that Mr. Cee is not guilty. He said that the rumors about him were not true. Howard said he needs to have some gun fire behind him. Then Flex tells them to turn off the bomb sound.

  Flex goes on to say that he's going to lose the friendship today and he knows everything that moves in that building. Howard said sometimes these guys end up shooting each other when they say the wrong thing. Howard jokingly said the WMCA Good Guys had a shoot out once.

  Howard played more of the audio of Funkmaster Flex talking about the other station and how he knows what the people like and don't like over there. Then he had his guy play another bomb sound effect. Howard said he's thinking about having the two shows in there to work out their issues. He said he would like to get them on there. He said he wants to bring them all together. He said he wants the Power 105 Breakfast Club, Funkmaster Flex and Mr. C. Robin said they'll need some real security in there then. Howard said he'll have more than just Ronnie.

  Gary said Lisa G was texting him through all of this telling him about all of the players. Howard said she should be in there right now. He said this is the time to talk about it.

  Howard played more of Flex talking about how he's willing to lose his friendship with those others. He said they will never win and they can keep taking pot shots at them. Flex kept having his guy play the sound effect and would tell him to turn it off. Howard wondered who the bomb guy was.

  Lisa G came in and said she knows what's going on there. She worked for both stations so she knows how it works. Howard said Lisa is very white so he wondered how she got that job. Lisa said they would call people names over there and they would call out Mr. Cee for years about this stuff. She said that Wendy Williams used to call out Mr. C.

  Howard played more of Funkmaster Flex going off on the Power 105 show but not mentioning who he was talking about. He went on and on about this situation and kept repeating himself about how he was ready to end that friendship.

  Howard said it's funny because no one cares about these wars. Robin said they used to do the same thing. Howard said it was so meaningless. Howard said they used to plot against other stations and it really didn't make a difference. Howard said they thought they were the best when he was working at WCCC in Hartford. They used to plot against other stations that were better than them. Howard talked about what that was like and how dumb it was. He and Fred used to go to meetings about WHCN up there. He said the program director would tell them to break at the same time the other station was breaking. He said he had too much pressure on him already and now he had to beat them back to the music.

  Gary said there was a book that came out a couple of years after the guy cut the wire at their remote broadcast. He said they wrote about the meetings they used to have where they were plotting against the other stations.

  Lisa left so Howard had her come back. He asked her one question but told her he could see she knows nothing so he told her she could leave. He wondered which side she was on in this war. She came back again. Lisa said she's siding with Power 105 in this war. She said she's doing that because Mr. Cee was leading a double life and he got caught. Howard said black guys have it tough when they're gay though. Lisa said Funkmaster Flex sounds angry and the Power 105 people are just having fun with it. Howard said he can't believe Lisa has a side in this. Gary walked out too so he called him back in.

  Gary told him about the Cleveland wire cutting incident and how they used to have meetings about what they could do to ruin their broadcasts. Howard said they should have been worried about doing good radio instead of ruining good radio. He said the funny thing is that they made him bigger when they did those stupid things.

  Howard played more of Funkmaster Flex talking to the Power 105 people and getting all fired up. Howard said the Power 105 people aren't intimidated by that so they took it as him acting like a pro wrestler. They called him out and said he sounds like ''Flex Hogan.'' They said he can huff and puff but the only one getting blown down is Mr. Cee by a transsexual. Lisa laughed hard at that joke. The Power 105 crew were goofing on Flex and Mr. C. They said that he's doing these ''subliminals'' and that's so 1990s. They said it's 2011 and they should be speaking directly. They were ready for the war. Howard said it sounds like they were using the same bomb sound effect on that show. Lisa said that Shuli has the same sound effect there.

  Lisa said there's a code of respect that these guys are breaking so that's not good. Howard said this is a real war then. Lisa said they're stepping over the line. Howard said he'll keep Robin up on this story. Robin said they're like the Talk Soup of black radio. Lisa said it would be so great to get them all in there.

  Howard said he wants to get all of these guys in the studio to work things out. He said they'll get the bomb sound effect and use that. Lisa said she'll email Angela and try to get things going. Lisa said she's on it.

  Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that Funkmaster Flex is the phoniest guy out there. He said he doesn't talk like that in real life. He said the only real one is Charlemagne. He said he's about the ''realest'' of the group. He said that everyone else is a phony. King said they have mug shots of the guy that was allegedly with Mr. Cee on some web site.

  Howard took another call from a guy who said that he can't believe that Lisa has never fucked a black guy. He said he was forced to listen to that stuff when he had to go to some place. He was being very cryptic. He said he was in a program for fucked up people. He was in some kind of rehab but he wasn't saying what it was. Howard tired to get the story out of him but he was being very vague. Howard said no one knows how he is so he can talk. His name was Andy but no one knew his last name. Howard asked what he did. Andy finally said he was doing crack and he was robbing people. He said he would mug people. Andy said he had to get high so he would mug people. He said he was mugging dealers. Howard asked him if he had a crew that helped him out. He said he did have a crew that would work with him. Howard asked if he's living a straight life now. He said he is and he's been clean for 17 years. He said he's got a wife and family now so he doesn't mess around with that.

  Howard said he had to go because he forgot what he was going to ask the guy. The caller asked why he doesn't play any games. Howard said he just played one the other day. He said he needs money to give away. Howard said he thinks that people would get upset with him if he let this guy play since he used to rob people. He said he was a bad mother fucker. He said he bets that he robbed other people and not just the dealers.

  Howard said he just remembered what he wanted to talk about with that guy. He had mentioned he was forced to listen to that radio when he was in that ''program.'' Howard said that's what's going on in the radio wars. He said he'll keep everyone informed. He said he might have to start a war with Cousin Brucie. He did his Brucie impression for a minute. Howard had the bomb sounds and some gun fight sound clips that he threw in there as he and Brucie were fighting. Howard went back and forth with himself and Cousin Brucie impression. He went to break a short time later.

• Lisa G's Howard 100 News Preview. 04/06/11. 7:10am
  After the break we heard a prank call Sal made to a wig store using clips of Robin doing her Little Lupe impression. Fred also played Green Day's ''Basket Case'' as they were coming back.

  Howard came back and had Fred playing some George Takei ''Yeahhhh!!!'' and laugh clips as the song was playing. Howard told George to rein it in a little bit. He had George read an announce too. George did an impression of Gilbert Gottfried in that one and made him sound like a dog. Howard said he pre-read that and he has no idea what he's talking about.

  Howard played a prank call that the guys made to a gay phone sex line using his voice to have phone sex with the guy.

  After that Howard said he had something off of TMZ about Charlie Sheen's show. They say the crowd went wild at that show. Howard said he did a 2 hour performance and got a standing ovation. Howard said they say that the crowd went insane and started chanting ''fuck Detroit'' when he came out. Howard said they took suggestions from the audience. They got some heckling too but he apparently handled it fine.

  Howard said Lisa G had an update for them for the Howard 100 News. Lisa came in and said that they spoke to Vy Higgenson after Howard mentioned her on Monday. Howard said he used to listen to her when he was a young kid. He remembered hearing Vy on WBLS and remembered how they would do throw the WBLS promos into the middle of a song. Lisa said they spoke and Vy was touched about what Howard said about her. Howard said she's an angel for doing what she does. She was on 60 Minutes talking about how she helps kids in need. Howard said in that piece they went and spoke to people who live in a building dedicated to grandparents who are raising their grand kids. Robin missed that somehow so Gary and Howard filled her in.

  Lisa said that Vy was pleased that Howard remembered her days at WBLS. Howard did an impression of her doing her thing over there. Lisa told Howard how she got hired on the spot when her sister told her to go audition. Howard said that's why this business is so fucked up. He said you shouldn't be able to get hired on the spot like that. He said she is very talented though.

  Howard ended up doing an impression of George Takei during that discussion. He was bringing up stuff that George had mentioned earlier in the week like the pronunciation of tsunami and about how he dresses down when he goes to the theater these days. He said he used to dress up more in the past but he's a little more casual now. Howard did his impression of George and Fred threw in some audio clips of George saying tsunami while that was going on.

  Howard said he saw Beth on The Today Show. He said she was very good on the show. George said he usually watches the show but he kept him from seeing it yesterday. George mentioned Matt Lauer and said his name in an odd way so Howard had a little fun with that. Howard stayed in his Takei impression the whole time he was talking to George. He was making fun of the tsunami pronunciation thing by saying that Brad was his ''tslover'' and things like that. Fred said that it's the ''Tsuday Show.''

  Lisa said they have a story about Ronnie and some flight attendants that are fans of his. They're calling themselves Ronnie's Angels and they're going to come see him at an appearance soon. Howard said Ronnie is so excited about that Twitter thing. He said he's already Tweeted twice today. He said he wasn't going to Tweet that much but he's done it twice today already.

  Lisa mentioned that an art gallery is willing to have a display of Howard's photographs. Howard told George that he just started taking pictures a few days ago but he's already going to be doing gallery showings. George said he wants to go see it. Howard said he'll let him know when he's doing it. Howard let Lisa go and moved on after that.

• A Little Lupe Either Or Game. 04/06/11. 7:30am
  Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they have a file on Lisa G's cunt lips over at Power 105. Howard didn't think so and didn't seem to care. He asked the caller, Mark, if he wanted to play a Little Lupe game. Of course he did.

  Howard said they have $500 cash to give away courtesy of the movie ''Hanna'' which opens on Friday. Howard said they will ask Lupe who she would rather fuck and they have to guess who she'll say. Howard gave Mark an example and said they asked her about Steven Hawkings and someone else. She chose Hawkings.

  Howard said they asked Lupe if she would rather have sex with Phil Spector or Robert Blake. They discussed that for a minute and Mark picked Blake. Lupe said she would fuck Robert Blake.

  Howard said they asked Lupe if she would rather have sex with Jason Kaplan or JD Harmeyer. Mark said he thinks that she'll say JD. Lupe said JD.

  Howard said they asked Lupe if she would rather have sex with Gary Dell'Abate or Jon Hein. Mark said he was going to go with Gary. He was right again. Robin said she thinks she did that so she can get booked on the show. Gary said she doesn't even know who books her for the show.

  Howard said Mark won $500. He then asked George Takei if he would rather fuck Gary or Jon. George said he would go for a threesome. Howard told him to pick one. George picked Gary. then he was asked about Jason and JD. George went with JD. Howard asked if he knows who Scott the Engineer and Ronnie the Limo Driver are. George said he does. Howard asked him to pick between them. George said it was hard... Howard asked ''It is, right now?'' George said that he didn't have too much enthusiasm with this one. He said he would go with Ronnie.

  Howard asked George about Tim Sabean and Fred. George laughed and said that he thinks he'd go with Fred. He said when he talks he has substance. Howard asked about Hitler or Bin Laden. George said that he would pick the less repulsive of the two. He said they really need to find Bin Laden so if he had the opportunity he would go with him.

  Mark and Howard asked about Shatner or Bin Laden. George said he would take Bin Laden over Shatner. George said Bin Laden never did anything personally to him. He laughed when he said that. That led to Robin bringing up the story about William Shatner charging his fans $500 to get into a lunch with him. George said that sounds like a downgrade from what he used to charge. He said that's so tacky. Howard went to break after that.

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• Jason Ellis Visits. 04/06/11. 7:50am
  After the break we heard some prank emails Sal and Richard sent in to a Tradio show being read by the hosts. Fred also played Nirvana performing ''Man Who Sold the World'' as they were coming back.

  Howard came back and said he's really not a big Nirvana fan. He said he was more of a fan when they were sort of happening. He said he thinks that he's a Nirvana fan but he turns them off when they come on the radio. He said it's not because the guy killed himself either. He said he's not a fan of Jim Morrison either though. He said he's a fan of Jimi Hendrix. Howard said he just isn't touched by some bands.

  Howard said Jason Ellis is there so he wanted to say hi to him. He said he asked Gary what he did to get famous. He's a skate boarder and a bit of a daredevil too.

  Howard asked Jason what's up with the hat he has on. Jason said it's a style thing. He said it's cold there in New York too. He has his head shaved too so he had to wear the hat. Howard said it looked cool without the hat. Jason was showing him the scars he has on his head. He said his dad owned an electronics store and he got drunk at a party once and stepped off a ledge and rolled down a cliff and hit his head on a rock. He said he was knocked out and woke up later with his head cracked open.

  Howard asked Jason about the skate boarders who like to fight and have this rock star life. He said he heard Jason had a fight and he got knocked out 3 times. He said he read about this Ellis Mania show he did in Las Vegas and Jason fought a professional fighter and the guy choked him unconscious 5 times. Jason said he wasn't unconscious the first time. He said he was out of it from him cutting of the oxygen to his brain.

  Jason said he saw Robin's ass in the corridor there. He said her ass is ridiculous. He said she should do the show upside down. Jason said that she's been hiding that thing and he just saw it yesterday and he was like Holy shit!

  Howard asked Jason about this guy who beat him up at the Ellis Mania thing. Jason said that he doesn't drink or have that many vices so he likes to do the fighting thing. He said he doesn't like it as it's going on but he likes it later. He said he likes testing himself and feeling nervous. Jason said he doesn't like to fight on the street or anything. He just wants to fight as a sport. He said he'd like to be where Howard is and he knows he can't drink and do that. He said he pissed away his life as a skate boarder. He said he didn't get as far as he should have if he hadn't been drinking.

  Howard asked if he thinks that this lifestyle is like a death wish. Jason said it's really not. Howard said it's living on the edge and you have to risk your life and risk breaking a leg. Jason said he did that because he loved it. He said you can't die skate boarding. He said you may go to the hospital but you don't die.

  Howard said Jason is letting himself get choked out by some guy at a fight. He could die doing that. Jason said he could die being driven home by Ronnie today. You don't know. Jason said that's the way he wants to live his life.

  Howard said Jason's brother stole a steam roller and fell off a cliff. He said he sounds like he's wild like Jason is. Jason said he's wild but he's directing his life in a way that's very productive.

  Howard asked Jason about letting a dragon lizard bite him. Jason said he can take pain more than the average person. He said that this lizard tries to take your flesh off. He said Howard would shit a brick of he saw this thing bite him. Robin said he's an adrenaline junkie. Jason said he hates that phrase.

  Howard said Jason is there to promote his Ellis Mania TV show on Fuel. The show starts tonight. Jason told Howard about the show and said it's a fight show but it's a comedy fight show. He said they have a musical chair fight on tonight's show. He said that they have fighters playing musical chairs and the guys who miss out on the chairs have to fight. They keep doing this until they're down to two fighters. Jason said they have a ref there and they're not going to do a UFC type of thing.

  Howard said he heard about one of the shows where they have Jason and Mayhem Miller fight and Jason tells Mayhem that he can't knock him out. Jason got punched a bunch of times and he didn't get knocked out.

  Howard said he wishes he could be a real man like that. He said he can't participate in something like that musical chairs thing. Jason said Howard is a man and he's into other things. Jason said he's good at getting pushed in the face and punching people in the face. He said he wants to be the biggest dude in radio and that's why he's doing that. Jason said he doesn't want to be playing chess all day. Howard said he gave that up actually. Jason said that makes him very happy.

  Howard told Jason about the fighters that have so many issues after getting punched in the head so much. Jason said he understands the way it works and he's okay with that.

  Howard said Jason has fucked famous women other than Chynna the wrestler. Jason said he won't talk about that because he's married. He said he just won't tell him. Howard asked if she was prettier than Chynna. Jason said she was but asked Howard why he has to beat up on Chynna. Jason said he doesn't want to talk about this person.

  Howard said he heard that Jason has a big penis so he doesn't mind taking it out. Jason said that he doesn't believe Howard is that small. Howard said Beth went to touch his penis last night and felt something odd. She asked why his penis felt so weird and it turned out she was touching his balls.

  Jason said he's the king of all pouches. The last time he was on the show they had Sal and Jason fill their penis pouches with M&M's and Jason beat Sal. Jason put 50 of them in his pouch. Howard said it was very impressive.

  Howard asked Jason if he would kiss George. Jason said he wouldn't. He said if it was funny then he might do it but they weren't doing anything funny other than a kiss.

  Howard said Jason is number one on iTunes with a single called ''Death, Death, Die'' but Jason said that it means nothing. Howard asked if he's doing it for money. Jason said he does it for glory. Howard played some of his song and Jason told him that the song is about his child molestation. Howard said he's got a good voice. Jason said he might be one of the best singers in the world.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he has been listening to Jason since he was on the show a couple of years ago. He said he rarely changes from Howard's channel unless he's listening to Ellis.

  Another caller said this guy is not funny and not talented. He said he must have something better to listen to. Howard said he thinks Jason is entertaining and he has a fascinating life. The caller said he listens to Howard and Howard's replays and not to Jason.

  Another caller said that Jason seems to talk about how much better he is than Howard. Jason never said that once. He said he wants to be a great radio guy but never said he was better than Howard. Jason said he doesn't want to take over anything from Howard. He said Howard changed the game so he could have a job so he just talks shit about people on his own show and he gets paid for it. Howard said he has to live with the people who don't like him. He said he knows it gets to him but he has to let it go. Jason said he knows he's good at radio.

  Howard asked Jason about being molested as a kid. Jason said he had an imaginary friend who he used to talk to and he remembered all of this stuff when he got older. He used to take drugs as a kid and he thought it might be that but then his mother confirmed the story. He said that his mom is kind of a liar sometimes. He said he still talks to her but it's kind of weird.

  Howard said that Jason went to his mother to confirm the story and she told him that he did suck someone's dick as a kid and she said that it was a stranger. Jason said that his grandfather is still alive and he just started talking to him recently. He said the guy became a cross dresser so no one had anything to do with him. He said his dad hated him and he was very homophobic. Jason said he called his grandfather on his show and spoke to him on there. He said his mom found out and told him not to do that anymore. Jason said he wanted to talk to him because he could die soon. Jason said that his mom told him that there may have been some sexual things happening with his dad and his aunt. Howard asked if she was implying that he blew his grandpa too. Jason said that's what he was thinking. He said if a dude made him suck his dick he'd be dead. The only way he wouldn't be dead is if he was his grandfather. Jason said he's waiting to find out in October if that's the story.

  Howard asked Jason to reveal this stuff on his show. Jason said he'd do that. He was even willing to call his grandfather right now. Jason said his grandfather is kind of senile but he'll call him now. He asked if he should make out with George while they wait. Jason asked George to blow him while he calls his grandfather. George said he's married.

  Howard asked Jason if his grandfather still dresses like a woman. Jason said he's all old and shit now so he dresses like a man. He said his legs don't work either. Howard said he's glad he's going to let his grandfather answer this. He said maybe he's senile and he'll admit he did it. Howard said maybe he's being falsely accused.

  Howard said if someone molested his kid he'd have Jason kill them. Howard said it's no wonder Jason wants to punch people. He has anger in him about what went on in his life.

  Howard picked up on Sal who was playing the part of Jason's grandfather. Sal said that he did suck his cock but his father was a lot better at it than Jason was.

  Howard took another call from a guy who said Jason does have a good show. Another caller said Jason has a segment where he does called Get the Cock Off Your Chest where people can call in and get things off their chest like this molestation thing. Jason said he lets people clear the slate and move on with their lives.

  Jason told Howard about something that happened in Amsterdam. He said he used to get hookers over there and he had one black chick who was hot. He said he gave her the 50 bucks and he was only 19 at the time. He said she bent him over and did the reach around thing. He said she started to put something in his ass and he realized it was a dude. He said it didn't feel good to him at all. He said it was a little black dick that was going in his ass. Robin was laughing so Jason said ''fuck you Robin.'' Jason said he thinks he got half a knob in there.

  Gary came in and said that he can't get through to Jason's grandfather. The number is out of service. Jason said maybe they already took care of him down there. Jason said that his aunt never comes and talks to him so this is a very scary thing that she is coming to tell him. Jason said he hasn't told anyone this story other than Howard. He's mentioned some of it on the air but not the whole thing. He said he knows that his grandfather did something to his aunt.

  Howard had a caller on the line who told him that Jason punishes his guys in an interesting way. Jason said he only has one guy who works with him. He said he's on fire with his show so he has one employee. Jason said he'll use nipple clamps on his guys or get hit with a kendo stick. He said it sounds awesome. He said he likes to get guys to squeal like a pig too.

  Howard gave Jason some plugs for his show and you can check him out at EllisMania.com or on Twitter @EllisMate.

  Jason asked why he can't be his afternoon guy. Howard asked Jason why he wants to be on his channel because he has his own show on another channel. Jason said he'd get more exposure if he was on his channel because people would be listening to Howard and then his show.

  Howard asked Jason what he wanted to challenge Sal to tody. Jason said this was about pain. He said he has nipple clamps and he wanted to put them on his penis. He said that he did it once and it really hurt and he'd like to have Sal try it with him. Howard asked Sal if he had tried it out. Sal said he hasn't and said that Jason is out of his mind.

  Jason showed the nipple clamps he had with him. Howard said he knew a woman who liked to put them on when they were having sex.

  Jason said he thinks he could put 25 on his penis. Sal said they're like battery cables. He asked Jason what's the matter with him. Sal asked where his grandpa is when they need him. Sal said he likes his grandpa because he allegedly fucked his mouth.

  Sal said he would try out the clamp on his cock but he wasn't sure he wanted to do the competition. Sal had to stretch out his cock to get it ready. Jason was telling Howard how he likes to shave his ass hair and put mango butter in there.

  Sal pulled out his cock and put the clamp on. Jason said that penis is an insult to all other penises. He said it's funny looking and very black. He wondered why it was so dark. Sal said he's not sure. Jason said it's shit stains from someone else's ass.

  Jason got naked and Howard said George must be liking this. George said ''oh yes.'' He said it was wonderful and he's glad he got up this morning.

  Jason started putting the nipple clamps on and Sal asked George if he wanted to put them on his. George said he's married so he can't do that. He said he's already in trouble from yesterday's show.

  Howard asked Jason how many he had on his penis. Jason had 5 on and Sal was still working on putting some on his. Howard said Sal has to match Jason so he has to keep track. Jason said he had 8 on now. Robin said Sal might not have enough room for that many. Sal had 6 on. Jason said they were starting to hurt. He said they were all joining forces and it was starting to hurt. Howard said Sal looks like a baby compared to Jason. Sal said he looks like a baby compared to a baby.

  Howard said Jason shaves all the hair off his body. He had nothing on his balls or penis. Jason had 14 clamps on. Sal had 10 and they were hurting. He said he was ready to bail. Jason was bleeding. He told them to give him the big ones. Howard said he was going to throw up. Jason said he knows exactly what he's doing. He said he's a professional.

  George said they should stop it. Howard told George he's the adult there so he should make him stop. George said he had a beautiful cock so he can't do that to it. Sal was done. Howard said Jason won. He couldn't believe it was done. Jason said he was bleeding but George didn't see the blood. He said he has a beautiful cock though. He said he had a beautiful body too. Jason started to rip them off and everyone was cringing.

  Jason asked George to come over and take them off. George went over and said he didn't know how to do that. Jason said he was cupping his balls. He said he was just playing. George's hands were shaking. Jason was screaming in pain. He told George to get it off. Jason said that he had mangled his shaft.

  George said that one of them won't come off. Jason told him to get them off. Howard said you have to see this on TV. Howard asked what was going on. George said that there was a lot of blood there. Jason was yelling at him and saying that George was grabbing his knob. George said he didn't want to pull it off so he was trying to take it off gently. Jason said it really hurts badly now. He told him to get them off quickly as he was screaming in pain.

  George said Jason really has a beautiful cock and a beautiful body. He said he knows this is going to get back to Brad though. Howard said he seems to be in love with him. George asked why he does this to himself. Jason said he does it so people will tune in and listen to his radio show and watch his TV show. George said he was trying not to hurt Jason when he took the clamps off.

  Howard asked what part of Jason George likes the most. George said he's perfection. Howard asked if that's what Brad used to look like. George told Jason not to do this anymore. Howard said George seems to be in love. He said he's coming on to Jason like he's never seen. George said Brad used to look like this.

  Jason asked George to grab his cock. George did and asked if it hurt. Howard thanked George for that. He said he was like Florence Nightingale. George said that he has a beautiful body and he should not do that to his cock. Howard said this is a bigger catastrophe than the tsunami. He said it must have been nice for George to take those clamps off. George said he just wanted him to stop.

  Howard asked Jason if George stroking his cock felt good. Jason saw the replay on the monitor and Howard said that Brad is going to see that. George said there was nothing sexual about it. He said he was just trying to help.

  Howard said he's never seen George love a guest like this. George said he has a great mind and a great body. He said his penis was bleeding. Howard said they know that. Jason said it was kind of creepy. He said creepy can be good though.

  Howard said he has no idea what just happened in there. Robin said she's not sure about his sexuality. George was just stroking his cock. George said he respects straight people as well. He said he would love to do him if he would enjoy him. Jason asked if he waned to fuck him. George said he's married. Jason asked if he would fuck him if he was single. George said he likes to wrestle. He doesn't want him to choke him or anything. He said he would love his whole body. George said he would kiss his entire body and let his tongue linger. He said he likes his tits nibbled on too. He said that's his erogenous zone. Howard told George to get on the mic because he couldn't hear him.

  Jason said this is the gayest thing he's ever done and he's including the tranny who had a cock in his ass. Howard asked George if he would tongue his ass. George said he would. He said he would be very loving and he would tell him he has hot balls. Jason said he could recover from that if he did it. He said that he has recovered from other things in his life.

  Howard said George must really like him because he's willing to take it in the ass. George said that they're just saying ''if'' now. He said he is married so he's just talking. Jason and George talked about the fucking in the ass thing. George said that in his previous life he would fuck him in the ass. George said he likes it in every position. Howard said they learned a lot about Jason today. Jason said he learned a lot about himself today.

  Howard went over what they've learned today. He said that Jason talked about his grandfather's alleged molestation and things like that. Howard said he thinks his grandfather is innocent. Jason said he'd like to think he is too.

  Howard gave Jason some plugs and said that you won't believe what Jason just did when you see it on Howard TV. Howard said he appreciates that George stepped in and took those clamps off of Jason's penis. The Howard TV guys showed a replay and showed George double handing Jason's cock. Jason said he was double hand jacking him.

  Howard said he had Brad's lawyer on the phone. The caller said that Brad wants half the cock after seeing the tape of him stroking it. Howard gave Jason some more plugs. Jason's radio show is on Faction 28 / XM 52 on Sirius from 3-7pm. Jason also mentioned he's racing trucks too. He said he's going to stop getting punched in the face.

  Jeff the Drunk called in to congratulate Jason. Jason congratulated him on being able to drink so much so early in the morning. They went to break after that.

• Robin's News. 04/06/11. 9:05am
  After the break we heard some prank calls Sal and Richard made to a Tradio show. Fred also played John Fogerty's ''Fortunate Son'' as they were coming back.

  Howard came back and had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show.

  Fred played Robin into her news with a song parody by Eli Braden. He's a new guy who has been sending in songs. Howard said he thinks he bought Garage Band to make those songs.

  Howard read a story about a white basketball player that left his wife because their baby was black. Robin said the story is a rumor because they have a picture of the baby and it's white. The story now is that he's dating a 22 year old African American woman.

  Fred interrupted Robin with her Guatemalan theme song as she was starting her first story. Robin read a story about a woman who was stuck on her toilet and she had to be removed from her home with a piece of the toilet stuck to her. Howard said she must have been an overweight person.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that Donald Trump is going to run for president and he's saying he's going to spend $600 million of his own money to do it. Howard said he will not run. He said he's just doing this for publicity. Howard said the guy is just a developer and he used to tell him that he didn't even know why he got so famous. Howard said a lot of people know the name because he puts it on everything he builds. Howard said he's become a celebrity and he likes that. Howard said Trump wants to keep this whole thing going. He said a few years ago he sold a book and he started the rumor back then too. Howard said he's sure Trump won't actually run. He said he loves having the guy on the show but he's sure he's not going to run for President. He said he's just out there promoting the Celebrity Apprentice show.

  Howard said he had some audio of Meatloaf and Gary Busey going at it on Celebrity Apprentice. He said Busey is whacked out and now it appears Meatloaf is out of his mind too. Howard said Meatloaf accused Busey of stealing his arts and crafts stuff. He said it turns out Meatloaf's bag was on the floor and someone pointed that out to him. He still yelled at Gary Busey but later apologized to him. He had some of that audio to play but didn't want to play all of it. He played a clip where Meatloaf couldn't find his bag and accused Gary Busey of stealing it. Howard said Busey just stood there like he was retarded or something. Meatloaf freaked out and went off on Busey accusing him of stealing from him. Busey said he didn't do it.

  Howard played another clip where Meatloaf finds his bag but keeps going off on Busey. They found his bag and Meatloaf says that Busey had pushed him too far. They gave him his bag and he still yelled at Busey. Howard said he eventually apologized to Busey. He played that clip too. Meat said he was sorry for what he did and said he was embarrassed by it. Howard said Busey doesn't appear to be all there either so why yell at him? Busey was telling Meat about how to forgive and he spells out the words he's saying and explains what they stand for.

  Howard said that Dennis Rodman's number was retired in Detroit. He said Dennis broke down when they retired the number and when he was in the press conference after. He said the guy is really emotional. He said he acts like he's not but he really is. Howard played some audio of Dennis breaking down and crying during the ceremony. Then he broke down during a press conference.

  Robin got back to her news and read about this guy Vince Shlomi, pitchman for ShamWow. He's being accused of trying to get a woman to be his sex slave and offering her money for her eggs. Robin said that these pitchmen have some strange things going on. She said she always wonders what they're up to. She said that he's being accused of stalking this woman and spying on her boyfriend. Robin said that the woman claims that he was trying to pressure her into a relationship and offered her $20,000 and a month's vacation in exchange for her eggs. Howard said he knows Billy Mays from when he called Gary the Retard. He played a prank call Sal and Richard made to Gary the Retard using Billy Mays audio clips. Howard went to break after that.

  After the break Robin got back to her news and read about the rat population in New York. It's on the rise and they have video of them showing up on the subways. Robin said they need more pest control officers to get on this. Robin said the rats are living on the sidewalks now people don't think it's under control like the mayor says it is.

  Robin read a story about Ron Paul and Michelle Bachman speaking at some event. She had some audio of Ron Paul talking about that.

  Robin read some news about the government not having a budget set yet and it could be shut down soon. George talked about that and Howard asked if his hand was just on a cock. George got a laugh out of that.

  Robin read a story about the city trying to ban fast food toys to stop people from being enticed into buying food to get toys for their kids. This is a tricky slope. He said people complain about too much government and then they complain when we don't have enough. He said there are definite functions for the government and these religious groups get involved and make it a mockery. He said Senators and Congressmen used to have full time jobs but now they've turned that into their full time jobs. Howard said they should be home growing crops or something.

  Robin read a story about some food inspection service that's being created. Howard said this is what they should be concentrating on, not abortion and things like that. Howard said they need to test the drugs and foods we're eating.

  Robin read about how President Obama is going to be going to meet with Al Sharpton soon. Howard said he seems a little too shady to be hanging around with. Robin said he's a big part of the democratic party so that's what that's all about.

  Robin read about teen pregnancy and how that's been going up over the past few years. Howard asked how teen blow jobs are doing. He also asked about teen anal.

  Robin read about a man who is in serious condition after getting knocked unconscious while snow boarding. She said that two men had to be rescued from a place out in Utah. Robin had some audio of that but it turned out to be George saying ''Oh my goodness! You've got such a beautiful cock!'' Howard said that was the wrong one and played the right one. Howard said George has a very high voice when he's in love with someone. His whole deep voice goes away.

  Robin read about the bodies they've been finding at this beach on Long Island. Benjy didn't know they were finding more bodies and reacted to the story. Howard said they were looking for this missing woman and now they're finding all of these other bodies. Howard said someone is killing women and burying them there. Howard said they need to go to the beach more.

  Robin read about another serial killer in Los Angles they're calling the Grim Sleeper. Robin said they're asking for the public's help on that case too. Robin said they're looking for people who have had contact with Lonnie Franklin Jr. Robin had some audio of a police officer talking about who they're looking for. Robin said she finds this fascinating. Howard said some of these guys get away with it for their lifetime. He said some of these guys are random and they're hard to track down.

  Robin said Jeff Beck is going to be on American Idol tonight accompanying the contestants while they sing. Howard said the band on that show is about the worst he's heard so maybe that will help. Howard had Fred play some of his music.

  Robin read about Nick Cannon's radio show getting syndicated. Howard said the guy is following in the footsteps of Casey Kasem. Robin said he was following in Ryan Seacrest's footsteps. Howard just said ''oh my god'' when he heard that. He told him to just sit back and rest since he's married to Mariah Carey. Howard wondered how many countdown shows they need. Howard said Nick is a genius. He said he has a fucking countdown show. That's what he wants to do. He wants to count backwards like him. Howard said he couldn't do a show like that without getting bored. He said he'd be ashamed doing a show like that. He said on one hand he'd love to have it that easy but on the other he thinks he'd be ashamed. He did a countdown host impression and said that's some gig to have. Real tough. He said they don't even have to listen to the music. They just record it and have some creepy guy piece it together for them.

  Robin read about how Wendy Williams was kicked off Dancing with the Stars. Howard said she had to get off that show. He said he likes her but she was crying every minute. Howard said she's highly emotional. They did her a big favor by kicking her off.

  Robin read about Russell Brand and Helen Mirren bringing back the movie ''Arthur'' this weekend. She had some audio of Helen talking about the movie. Robin said they have Jennifer Garner in the movie too. She had some audio of Russell Brand talking about the movie.

  Robin read about the movie ''Your Highness'' and had some audio of Natalie Portman talking about getting the role she has in that.

  Robin had some audio of Saoirse Ronan talking about her new movie ''Hanna.'' They didn't last long with that.

  Robin had some audio of Christian Slater talking about his new TV show ''Breaking In.'' Howard said he's a good actor.

  Robin said that blues singer Etta James is very ill. She had Howard play some of her music. Fred threw in a clip of George saying ''I jack off without Brad knowing...'' He had a couple of other clips of George talking about Osama bin Laden and also about Jason Ellis' beautiful cock. George said they were ruining the song. Robin read about what's going on with Etta and how her son was very upset with her treatment. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:10am.

• Wrap Up Show - Jason Ellis Discussions. 04/06/11. 10:15am
  Jon and Gary started the show talking about the feedback Howard got on his Hurdy Gurdy Man song. Gary said he loves that particular song. He said they worked very hard on that one.

  Jon brought up how Howard is always doing George's voice when he's on the show. Jon also brought up the radio wars and how Lisa G had to get in on that. Gary said he had to get her in the studio because she kept IM'ing him about it. He said she knew a lot.

  Jon brought up Jason Ellis and how he challenged Sal to the nipple clamp thing. Sal said that it really hurts. He said when you have nothing to hold on to it gets more and more painful. He said he started out with his foreskin but once it was covered it was tough to clamp. He said it was like putting a clamp on a zucchini. He said it was extremely painful. He said he was surprised Jason went as far as he did. Sal said he didn't bleed. He was close though. He said he did the best that he could.

  Sal said that Jason had a bigger dick so he was able to put more clamps on. Gary said Jason has that win only attitude and he wasn't going to let anyone beat him. Gary said he had to sit on the couch because he had to open the nipple clamps for them. He said he really didn't look at them. He was trying hard not to look.

  Jon said George was very concerned for Jason. Sal said he was caressing Jason's cock like a cat. Gary said the tone in his voice changed too. Jon said there was something in George's eyes. Gary said his face changes and he gets that tone in his voice. Sal said that it's like something out of a cartoon when he sees a cock and he's just drawn toward it.

  Benjy said that's the way he gets with a hot chick. He said George gets that look with guys. He wondered if he's putting them on about the rules he and Brad have. He said that it seems like they're not supposed to touch other people but George does it.

  Jon said there must be some kind of understanding there about what George does. Gary asked Jon if he and his wife have an understanding. Jon said that he's not allowed to touch anyone. Sal said George has gotten in trouble for touching guys in the past. He gives about 3 seconds of thought and they just does what he has to do. Gary said guys just can't help themselves sometimes. Benjy said he wonders how far he'd go if he had the chance. Gary said he would love to be that horny at the age of 73. Jon said he does have one hell of a drive.

  Jon took a call from a guy who said George was out of character this morning and he wondered if Brad is going to give him some leeway. Gary said maybe they do have an understanding. He said that he's had people tell his wife what he's done and that's what makes it worse. Jon said that George doesn't listen to the show so he's going to get this third hand. Sal said the grapevine will fuck you hard. Gary said that hearing something isn't the same as hearing it third hand. Jon said that he would like to be a fly on the wall when they talk about that at home.

  Sal said that to truly find out they should play the video for Brad while he sits in on the couch. He said he'd be down for that. Jon asked Sal if he was upset that George wasn't as concerned for his cock. Sal said he wasn't upset one bit. He said George can spend all of his time on Jason's if he wants. Sal said he only let George touch his penis once and he wouldn't do that for sexual purposes.

  Gary asked Sal if he felt good about the size of his cock after seeing Jason today. Sal said it was like Davey and Goliath in there today. Sal said he didn't feel any better about the size. Gary said he didn't think the size was all that different. Sal said he appreciates that he thinks his size is good. Gary said he just glanced so he wasn't staring.

  Sal said he saw a guy in the gym and he was curious about the size of his cock. He said the guy had tighty whities on so he went over and blow dried his hair waiting for the guy to pull down his pants. He said that the guy was the first African American guy he had seen there so he was curious. The guy never did pull down his underwear.

  Sal said he's very insecure about the size of his and he has to look. He said he's seen an Asian guy with a normal one and a mentally challenged guy with a small one. He said he was curious about the African American guy.

  Benjy said he's surprised that Sal has never seen one live. Sal said he never has and he's not on a mission to see one. Sal said he had one guy come up to him in the shower there at the gym who had Velcro on it so it wouldn't drop off. They spent a minute talking about the penis thing and then went to break.

• Wrap Up Show - Jason Ellis Sits In. 04/06/11. 10:35am
  After the break Jason Ellis joined the show. Jason said his wife just texted him and asked if she had anything to worry about with him and George Takei. Sal said he's even worse than his grandfather... allegedly. Jason said that his dad was such a manly dude and maybe he was fucked with now that he thinks about it. Jason told the guys about how he had made up a story when he was high on acid and in the pool one day. He said he told that story to his imaginary friend and he didn't know if it was real or not.

  Jason said that he would protect his kids with anyone who would do anything like that. He said that even if someone blew pot smoke in their face he's destroy the person. He said his family has laid guilt trips on him and said that they were just ''the times'' when they did the molestation stuff. Jason said that he had a family member offer him something to help him sleep. He said it turned out it was crystal meth and he asked his mom about it years later. He said that she told him that he looked like a mess and she just doesn't get it. He said she's not that smart and she doesn't understand how bad that stuff sounds to her son.

  Gary asked if he goes to the shrink. Jason said he does. He talks about all of this shit. He said it helps and he's never been happier. Jason said home is cool now that he's gone to therapy.

  Sal asked what he's gotten out of going to therapy. Jason said that therapy helped him with his sex life. He said that therapy helped his sex life. Jason said he had a lot of issues that he fixed and then they worked on the sex life.

  Jason said that he has a lot of issues to deal with. He said he has crazy anxiety and stress. He said they go to therapy and the therapist tries to tell his wife she has to work on the sex life thing. He said it turns out to be sweet. Sal asked for the number for his therapist.

  Sal said he went to therapy with his wife and he cried his eyes out. His wife laughed at him. Sal said his wife said that she could have used that money to buy a pair of jeans instead of therapy. Gary asked if she ever cries. Sal said she will from time to time. He said she didn't at therapy. Sal said even the therapist couldn't believe that she was laughing.

  Jon said that Jason is making changes and his wife is too. He asked Sal what Christine was doing for him. Sal said he doesn't know. He said she wasn't able to handle therapy as well as he did. He said the dynamic was so off the wall that it was just weird. He said he felt that it was enough after 3 sessions. He said he tried it on his own for a while but that didn't last either. He said that therapist was phenomenal and he was recommended by Jim Florentine.

  Gary said that Jason's personality has an on and off switch. Gary said he knows he's a big fan of the show so does he walk out of there knowing he hit a home run. Jason said no. Gary said he did hit a home run today. Jason said he felt like he did better than the last time but he started critiquing what he didn't say. He said he felt stressed and less humorous today.

  Jason said George was flirting with him and he's had that before. He said it's usually Penthouse Pets on his show. He said that George was shaking when he came over to him. Sal said he had a bit of a chubby after George came over. Jason said he wants gay people to suck it and he wants everyone to want to suck it. Jason said he wants everyone to want to suck his cock except his friends. He wouldn't want to see Baba Booey's cock.

  Benjy told Jason about Sal cock stalking in the locker room. Jason couldn't believe that. He asked it was true at all. Sal told Jason about how he goes to the gym and he will look out of curiosity. He said he saw a retarded guy with a small dick and he saw an Asian with a normal dick. Sal said he's only been going to the gym for a month but these are the people he's seen there. Sal said he saw a guy like Jason who was real buff and he was hoping he'd have a little one. He said the guy had a big one and he was so deflated. Sal said he's not on a mission to find dick. He said he just fulfills his curiosity.

  Jason said if you wait around to see it then you're way gay. Gary said Sal saw a black guy in tighty whities and he waited around to see it. Sal said that he was leaving and he saw the guy there so he stuck around to see it. Jason said if he wasn't on the radio show he'd call the cops on him. Gary said that he didn't have to stay. Sal said he did have to stay. He blow dried his hair and watched to see if he took his underwear off.

  Jason said maybe they could do a bit on the show and have guys come in instead of stalking guys at the gym. Jason asked him to come on his show and he'll do it there. Sal said he didn't want to do that. Jason said he thinks that Sal is doing it for the show but Jon said he's doing it as his gym. Gary said Sal wants to know but Sal said everyone wants to know. Sal said that's what men do. He said everyone measures up with muscles and penises. Jon said they had to take another break after that.

• Wrap Up Show - More With Jason Ellis. 04/06/11. 10:55am
  After the break Jon said Jason was going to sit in for the rest of the show. He took a call from a guy who said this was the best show in a long time. He said Howard and Ellis together are great.

  Jon asked Jason about Howard asking him about skate boarding and if he was offended by what he was saying. Jason said he's fine with it. He said he has to do this stuff. He said he loves this stuff so much he doesn't care what happens. He said he has kids now and things have changed but he loves boxing. He said he's been offered like 20 grand to fight and he'd like to do it as a career but he won't because he can't keep taking the strikes now that he has kids.

  Jason said he loves the radio show and that's his life. He said he likes the TV shows he's doing too but he's not going to leave his radio show for one day. Jason said no one gives a shit about you unless you're Martha Stewart. He wants to be Martha Stewart but with staples in his dick.

  Jon took a call from a guy who asked when they're going to say enough is enough with the gay stuff. He said that a lot of the audience is college educated and they don't want this. Ellis said that they all know that college educated guys hate fags. Gary said he thought today was very funny. The caller said it was just too much today.

  Gary said that they know George and he just can't help himself. That's why it was so funny. Jon asked Jason if he knew how far things were going to go. Jason said he didn't know they were going to go that far. He said he's not going to cum because he's not gay. He said if he jacked him off for like 45 seconds then that would be gay.

  Jon asked where Richard was. Sal said he wanted him to be the nipple clamper but he didn't want to do it. He said Richard told him it was all his thing. They had to end the show a short time later. Jason got in a plug for his After Party for his TV show at Epstein Bar. They ended the show a short time later.

• George And Brad Update. 04/07/11. 6:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: Evil Dave recording session for Leukemia PSA clip, Mark Farner of Grand Funk Railroad performing ''I'm Your Captain'' live in the Howard Stern Show studio.

  Howard started the show asking George Takei to do an announce for them. George said that they really pack a lot into the show. He said he had a fantastic week this week. He mentioned Jason Ellis and Howard pointed out that his voice changed when he was around him. He was talking in a normal way. George said he was showering this morning and Jason was on his mind. Howard said he bets he was. George said he has it all from pain to orgasmic. He said he loves Brad but he is a human being so he's taken by beauty.

  Howard asked if Brad heard that he had touched his penis. George said he fessed up. Sunday is off and maybe even Monday is off. He said Brad was really pissed. He said he has his ways of calming him down though. George said he got home and told Brad about his day. He said they unwind after a Howard Stern morning. He said that it was fully packed so he had to fill Brad in. George said he recounted the day and told Brad about his whole day.

  George said he told Brad about Jason's rugged good looks and Brad knew where he was going. He said he starts to glare at him. Howard aid he must know he's digging a deeper hole. George said he would find out about it one way or another. He said that it may be played back someway or somehow. Howard asked if he told him it was just silly. George said he told him the truth and Brad didn't say anything. He said he just glared and that was more punishing than him speaking.

  George said he told Brad about Jason's body and he told him about his endowment and Brad knew where he was going. He said he knew he was going to say a tactile thing. He said he described that sensation and how Jason was limp but so full.

  Howard asked how long Brad clams up. George said they had some engagements to make so they got down to business. He said it was very professional and very chilly. Howard asked if Brad said he was going to go out and fondle someone's cock. George said he did not. He said that Sunday is off though. That's what Brad is telling him but that was from his Benjy kiss, not even from this.

  Howard asked if Brad would go out and get even with him. George said he would never do that. George said he couldn't resist touching Jason though. George said he likes when people are so confident like Jason was. Howard said he heard the news department was going to call Brad and ask about it. Howard said he begged them not to call. He said he wants George to be able to live his life. He said they kindly backed off. He said it could have been a disaster.

  George said Howard thinks of people from their perspective and he appreciates that. George said he didn't want Brad to learn about this stuff from someone else. That's why he was so honest. Robin asked if he gets in trouble every time he does the show. George laughed and said she's very perceptive.

  George said he thought of Jason in the shower this morning and if that's the way Brad is going to treat him then that's what he's going to do. He said he did kiss Brad on his way out this morning. Howard said it sounds like things aren't too bad.

  Howard asked George what he thought of doing to Jason in the shower. George said ''Oh my...'' George said Jason is into pain so that's interesting to him. He said it was beyond his imagination to him putting those nipple clips on his penis. He said he never thought of that being a possibility.

  Howard said George was saying he had a beautiful penis. George said he did and he can't imagine doing to it what he did. He said he was bleeding. George said he had welts on it too. George said that's why he was stroking it. Howard said that's when his voice changed. He had Jason's cock in his hand and his voice changed to that soothing voice.

  Howard said he thinks that George would still do it even though he got into trouble. George said he's a human being so he can't resist. Robin said that they have guys in there all the time who don't touch the girls that come in and get naked. George just said ''Oh!''

  Howard said George brought up Brad's weight in the hall the other day and he's thinking in a way that touching his cock is kind of his hope that it'll motivate Brad to get back to his fighting weight. George said he is right on that. George said they had dinner with Richard and his fiancee and Brad noticed how ripped Richard looked. He said after that discussion about Jason and seeing Richard maybe he'll be motivated to get back into shape.

  Howard said maybe he did this to make him jealous. George said when you have a Jason Ellis standing there naked and magnificent in his full glory then all other thoughts disappear. George said even if Brad was the Adonis he used to be he may have still reacted to Jason in the way he did.

  The Howard TV guys showed a shot of Jason on the monitor and George was talking about how good he looks from behind too. He had never even heard of him before yesterday. He may start watching skate boarding. He asked if he takes his clothes off on his TV show. Howard said he's sure they could get him to.

  Howard said George was hired to do a PSA recently and asked if he was in a Star Trek uniform for that. George said he was not in a captain's outfit. He said it wasn't the one he wore in Star Trek. He was a captain in that. He said he wore a tight, velour shirt but not the captain's outfit. Gary said that he was wearing Kirk's shirt. George said he wasn't but maybe it was the stuff they had on the sleeve. Howard asked if he'd have to get permission to wear the shirt. George said they asked him to do it, he showed up and they had the shirt there. He just did the PSA.

  Howard said George wants to be Peter Parker in Spider-Man and the video he made to try and get on was very funny. He told the guys to pout that up so people can check it out.

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• Big Black, Ronnie, Dude And The Black Radio Wars. 04/07/11. 6:20am
  Howard took a call from big Black who did another episode of Black On Black on Monday night. Big said he's not happy about all of the camera work they're doing there. He said he didn't know they were doing that. Howard said they have a lot of behind the scenes stuff for Howard TV now. He said that Doug Goodstein asked him to tell the guys to just ignore the cameras. Howard said he can't do that. The cameras are the cameras and people react to them. He said Ronnie is the worst when it comes to that. He said that he really reacts to them.

  Howard told Ronnie to act like the camera isn't there. He said he's always saying ''Look at this... look at this guy...'' Ronnie said they have a new guy so that's why he was busting his balls. Howard said he has to calm down with that. He said he's clueless about that... C-L-U-E-L-E-S-S.

  Big Black asked Howard to play the ''Dude'' song that they were playing. Fred played one of ''Duke of Earls'' but that wasn't what Big wanted to hear. Howard said he would get him the right song. Big Black wanted to hear ''All the Young Dudes'' parody with Ronnie's ''Dude'' clips in it. Howard got it a few seconds later and played it for him.

  Howard said someone got that ''dude'' in his head. Ronnie said he thinks he got it from Jason. He said Jason is always saying it. Howard said he can't believe he's emulating Jason.

  big Black said he was listening to Funkmaster Flex last night and he was ragging on him. He said he was telling Howard to mind his own business. Howard said he wants to try and work things out between the two shows. He said that the guys at Power 105 were up for coming in but Clear Channel won't allow it. Funkmaster Flex didn't return Gary's call at all. Mr. Cee didn't call in either.

  Big Black played the audio of Funkmaster Flex yelling at Howard to mind his own business because he left this terrestrial radio stuff. He told him not to sign on at 7 either. Howard had no idea what he was talking about.

  Howard said he's all in now that he's fucking around with him. Big Black played another clip of Flex telling Howard to stay off of this terrestrial stuff and stay nice and safe on Sirius. He said he was son'd by Jamie Foxx. Big Black said that means that he was making fun of him. Howard said Jamie really insulted him. Yeah.

  Howard asked Tim if he has Big Black and King of All Blacks on a regular schedule now. Gary said Tim isn't in yet. Howard said Tim used to be in all the time. Howard said he's letting Tim go through a phase right now. He said he'd better get his act together though.

  Howard said he has to get that guy T-Rob on the show with Big Black and King. He said that guy didn't like either of them.

  Big Black asked Howard if he plays clips of George laughing. Howard said they do that sometimes. Howard said they fuck with him sometimes. Big said he can't be laughing that much. George laughed so Big asked if that was real. George said it was.

  Howard got back to the Funkmaster Flex thing and brought up the Jamie Foxx stuff. Howard said that Jamie didn't really ''sun'' him that much. Howard said he wanted Jamie to come on the show during all of that but he never called back. Howard said he must have been ''son'd.'' He said he'd like to meet the guy who can really son him. Howard said he has fucked so many guys in radio on and off the air. He said they still don't know what the fuck hit them. He said there are guys who died on the vine fucking with him. He said he'll go behind the scenes and really fuck you up.

  Howard said he likes what's going on with Funkmaster and the other station. He said he was trying to play peacemaker with them. He said that he is a Funkmaster Flex fan and he enjoys his show. Howard said he hasn't listened to terrestrial radio in years since he only listens to Sirius XM. He said he thinks that it's the greatest. Howard said it's great on the app when you can listen on your cell phone. He said he's not sure what he wants to fuck more, his iPhone or his iPad. He said he was watching TV on his phone and seeing it real clearly. He said it's the greatest thing. Howard said the technology is so f'ing great.

  Howard said he was watching a movie on his iPad and he loved it. He said he was in heaven. He had his Ultimate Ears in and he loves those too. He said he heard they have a softer version of the Ultimate Ears thing. They wanted to measure his ears again but he thought they had the moulds already. Gary said he was confused and this guy was from another company.

  Howard said he's sticking with the Ultimate Ears. He said that he can't wear them for more than an hour though. He said he wanted to wear them on the radio show but he's afraid his head will explode if he keeps them in for four hours.

  Howard said he was watching ''Inception'' in his car and someone he knew was knocking on the car window. He said the ears are hard to take out so you have to unscrew them.

  King of All Blacks called in and said that Big Black should be out looking for a job if he's up at this time of morning. Howard said he's right about that. He said Big Black went to a good school and he just can't get motivated to work. He said King is right. He should be out looking for a job. He doesn't want to work though. He probably wants to work there at Sirius.

  Howard told King that he liked the show he did this week when he brought the girl up for Big Black. King said he could have gone out with her if he wanted to but Big Black didn't want to.

• Sam The 52 Year Old Virgin Calls In. 04/07/11. 6:40am
  Howard had a guy on the phone who says he's 52 years old and he's never been with a man or a woman. Howard guessed that he's actually a homosexual and he's just afraid to act out. Howard asked Sam what he beats off to at night when he does that. Sam said he doesn't know anything about the female body other than pictures. He said he only knows about the male body. He said he thinks about males. Howard asked what the men are doing when he's thinking about them. Sam was talking about other things as Howard was talking so he had to talk over him.

  Sam said that he isn't gay but he does think about men when he's jerking it. Robin asked what he means when he says he's not gay. Sam said he has no urge to be with men. Howard said that's because his parents must have done a job on him. Sam said that's not it.

  George asked if he's thinking about a male body when he's jerking off. Sam said he is and he's admiring the muscles. Sam said it's a fantasy though so he's not gay. Howard said he's not A-sexual, he's gay, and he hasn't acted out. George and Howard figured he's just a closeted gay man. Sam said he's questioned that but he doesn't think he's gay. He said he has an identity. George said he's decided to deprive himself and that's the way he's going to live his life.

  Howard said he should just accept it and be gay and get a blow job. Sam didn't think that was the case. He said it's kind of hard to do anything about it now. George said that he shouldn't inflict his perspective on other people.

  Howard wished Sam luck and let him go. He said if Sam is happy then he's happy too. Sam thanked him for that. Howard said he still thinks he's gay.

• Rolling Stone And Comic Book Movie Discussions. 04/07/11. 6:45am
  Howard said the people at rolling Stone let him know that the sales of their magazine were astonishing. Howard said that was great and he's still a huge fan of the magazine. He said it's amazing that it can still last with the way things are going. He said it was a great experience and he's glad the fans went out and bought the magazine.

  Howard said he was thinking about this new Superman movie that's in the works. He said he was thinking about this Miss Tessmacher and how she was never in the comic books. Howard said he's not sure why they have to screw up the comic book story and make it into what they do. He said they're stuck on the first Christopher Reeves movie and it's just not right. He said it really frustrates him. He said Batman is the same thing. In the comic books they move ahead. He said that in the Spider-Man movies they moved ahead. They did the same with Iron Man. With Batman and Superman they can't move forward with the story. He said he doesn't get why they do that. He said they should consult with him on that.

  Howard said when he was watching George on the internet with the Spider-Man spoof he said he didn't look like he was in his 70s. He said he looks like he's in his 50s. He asked if he's had any work done on his face. George said he hasn't had any work done at all. Howard said he looks like a kid.

  George said that he does have make up on but he believes in mother nature. He said he has his age sags and stuff. Howard said he doesn't move like a 73 year old. He has a spring to his step. Howard said he doesn't look like an old man. Robin said he did say that he doesn't like going to the matinee shows because the old people move too slow.

  George said he goes to his barber who is his age and he can't believe that they're the same age. He said he does dye his hair though.

  Howard said he knows that William Shatner wears toupees and he saw that Ralph Macchio was wearing one when someone pointed it out to him. Howard said he had no idea he was wearing one. George said that Bill Shatner had a toupee even back when they were doing the Star Trek TV series. He said the older he got the darker and lusher his hair got. George laughed as he was talking about that. He said he got more hair and he got chubbier too. Howard said he had to go to break after that. He said they have Stacey Nelkin coming in so they're going to learn about her. She was in Halloween III and she dated Woody Allen when she was just 17. Gary said he's not sure how old she is now. Howard went to break after that.

• Ass Napkin Ed And Debbie The Pet Lady Update. 04/07/11. 7:00am
  After the break we heard some prank calls Sal and Richard made to a pizzeria trying to place an order as a train was going by. Fred also played Ozzy Osbourne's ''Crazy Train'' as they were coming back.

  Howard came back and introduced the song as if he were a DJ at WBLS. Fred threw in some George Takei ''YEAHHH!!!'' clips too.

  Howard said Debbie the Pet Lady and Ass Napkin Ed goofed on them and they loved it but he knows they're trying to work up a whole other thing now. Howard said they called in and they must be plotting and planning more stuff. Howard said they called and left a voice mail where they sang together. He said they must be trying to figure out the next big thing. Howard played the audio of Ed and Debbie singing together on the phone. It sounded like Debbie was recording it from home with Ed on the phone with her.

• Glenn Beck Show Canceled. 04/07/11. 7:05am
  Howard took a call from a guy who said that Glenn Beck just got canned so would he support him coming to Sirius. Howard said he supports anyone who can bring over subscribers. Howard said he hasn't met anyone like that yet. He said he Beck got fired from FOX News because he was such a turn off to sponsors. The caller said that's what Howard was accused of too. Howard said he still had sponsors though. Beck didn't.

  Howard said he doesn't think that Beck could do anything for Sirius. He doesn't believe his followers would pay to hear him. Howard said to go in day in and day out there are very few people who can get people to pay for a show. Howard said everyone they've brought there so far is a stiff. The caller said that they brought Rosie over there and didn't even put her on his channels. Howard said they don't talk to him much there. He said they told him he was going to be a partner there when he started but he doesn't feel like much of a partner now. Howard said he's just the guy who goes and talks to Rosie about doing a show there and then he's out of the mix.

  Howard said that's okay. If they don't need him that's less work for him. He said he wants to see this thing grow and he's done a good job with it. He said he did his job and no one wants to acknowledge it. The caller said they do. Howard said he doesn't need him to. He said he already had him.

  Howard said that he used to watch Beck once in a while but the guy is just a morning zoo guy. Howard said that the guy could never bring a paying audience there. He said they bring over Oprah for 50 mill and she's doing nothing. Howard said she won't even give them a mention on her TV show. Howard said he's wasting his time. Howard said you have to earn that money. He said she should mention Sirius XM on her show. He said they brag that Gayle King is on her channel but who cares? He said he wants to hear Oprah on that channel. Howard said he's going to get his best friend to do a show on his channel. He said they're going to have The Dr. Lou show where he talks about eye surgery.

  Howard said he's all for bringing Beck there if he can bring in an audience. He said he doesn't think that would happen though. George asked if anyone there has the Tea Party mentality. Howard said Scott DePace does. That led to Howard and Scott talking over the intercom for a short time. Howard said the Tea Party has an agenda that sounds like more big government to him.

• Relationship Expert / Actress Stacey Nelkin Visits. 04/07/11. 7:10am
  Howard had the guys bring in Stacey Nelkin. He said she's a relationship expert. Howard said she looks kind of cute and she's kind of familiar looking. She said she was in Halloween III and Rock and Roll High School.

  Howard asked Stacey if she's really an expert. He said that a lot of experts say they're experts but they're not. She said that she's been married 3 times but she's been in this relationship for 12 years. Howard didn't seem to think that was an expert. He said he'll take her word for it though. Howard said he thinks that his theory is proved out. Howard said he's on shaky ground when it comes to relationships.

  Stacey said she has been in many relationships so she thinks that she is an expert. She said that she also had a therapist help her write her book (You Can't Afford to Break Up: How an Empty Wallet and a Dirty Mind Can Save Your Relationship).

  Stacey said that Howard and Beth have decided not to have kids and that's great. She said that she has 3 kids and they're 12, 10 and 6. She said she was in her late 30s and early 40s when she had her own. They adopted one child. Howard asked if she still gets her period. Stacey said she does. Howard said that's impressive.

  Howard said he thinks it's very noble that she adopted a child. Stacey said she loved being a mother so that's why she did that. Howard asked if her mother was a bad mother. Stacey said that she wasn't a horrible mother. Howard said she let her date Woody Allen at 16. Stacey said she was 17 but she met Woody when she was 16. She said Woody was like 40-41 when she started dating him. She was cast in Annie Hall and she played Doris in that movie. She was the cousin of Little Alvie. She said she was sucking on a lollipop seductively in that scene. She said that she got cut because she was dating Woody.

  Howard asked how she auditioned for the movie. She said she started at 14 and she was doing school plays and stuff. Howard said she's good looking so it must have been easy to get in the door. Stacey said that she got cast for the movie and met Woody. She aid he asked him to come and see him play at Michael's Pub when she was just 16. Howard said that sounds crazy. Howard said that it's lude and ludicrous. She said it really wasn't. She said she wasn't the usual 16 year old and she had a serious head on her shoulders. Howard said she was 16. She said she had been with one other guy at the time and she was looking for it. Howard said Woody Allen is an anti-social man. He's not looking for a relationship. Howard asked if she would let her 16 year old daughter go out with a 40 year old. Stacey said she would go on the date and make sure nothing happens.

  Stacey said that her mother did come along to see Woody perform. She said her mother was naive and didn't know what was going on. Stacey said she did tell her that she thought Woody liked her though.

  Howard asked how she started dating Woody. Stacey said that her mother put the idea in her head that he liked her. She said that she wasn't getting that. Stacey said she put that out of her head. Howard asked why her mother didn't protect her. Stacey said that this was the 70s and it was a different time. Howard said it wasn't that different. He was growing up in those days too. Stacey said that Mark Sanchez just got busted for sleeping with a 17 year old. Howard said he's not 40 though.

  Stacey said she was always looking for older men. Howard said that doesn't make it right. Stacey said she didn't have that kind of family to protect her from that. Stacey told Howard that she thinks he was right about that 52 year old man that called in earlier. She and Howard spent a minute talking about that and how evolved Howard is.

  Howard asked Stacey about getting into that relationship with Woody. She said she saw Woody out shooting with a crew and she recognized them all. She said she went over and talked to Woody and he gave her his number. She said she didn't see him as a huge star at the time. She said that to her it wasn't a famous guy. Robin said it was an adult male who was paying attention to her. Howard asked if he did it the first night. She said they talked a lot that night. She said Woody taught her a lot. She said that he was a wonderful a part of her life and she owes him a lot.

  Howard asked if he ever fucked her and let her say over. She said later on he did but not when she was 17. Howard said he just wanted her youth. She said they talked a lot and it wasn't about that. She said that he wrote the movie Manhattan about her and he cast Mariel Hemingway in her part. She said she wanted to play the part but he told her that she was too old for it. She was like 18 or so and she was very sophisticated. She said Woody wanted it to look funny so that's why he cast Mariel.

  Howard asked how Woody how he'd get rid of her after fucking her. She said that he'd tell her it would be best to go home now because she had school the next day. Howard said if he did that she'd think that he was an animal. She's defending him. Stacey asked why he's making this sound and feel like it wasn't. Howard said he's fascinated by Woody.

  Howard asked Stacey about moving to the West Coast and if she slept with other guys or did she stay with woody. She said she didn't stay true to Woody. Howard asked if Woody was big in the pants. She said he was big and not what Howard would imagine. She said that he didn't have a problem in that area at all.

  Howard asked Stacey about living in L.A. She said she hated it out there but she stayed there for 16 years. Howard asked if she did kinky things with Woody. She said that she had threesomes with him but she didn't think that was that kinky. Howard asked if the other women were prostitutes. She said they were nice girls and they weren't prostitutes that she knows of. Stacey asked if Howard has ever had a threesome. Howard said he hasn't but she didn't believe him. Howard asked if she got it on with other women. She aid they all participated.

  Howard had Woody (Wood Yi) on the phone so he asked him what was going on. Sal and Richard played some clips of Wood Yi talking about her tight shit pipe and things like that. He also said he had a canned ham stuck in his ass.

  Howard asked Stacey if Woody ever had her call him daddy. She said that he didn't do that. She stays in touch with Woody and he goes to see him play. She said he would never ask her to do anything with him now. Stacey mentioned that her father died the year that she was dating Woody. Howard asked if he died of embarrassment.

  Howard asked more about the threesomes. Robin also asked about drugs. Stacey said that they never did drugs because woody was very straight like that. She said that he would drink wine but that was about it.

  Stacey said she was the one who broke it off with Woody. She said she was 19 and she didn't want it to be public like Woody did. She said that she broke it off and she ended up having this pattern with guys. She said she chased a kid around for 2 years from 9 to 11 and broke up with him shortly after. She said she kept doing this with guys.

  Howard asked Stacy about her boobs and found out that they're real. She said that she promised her therapist that she wouldn't take off her top for Howard. Howard asked her to take it off anyway. She didn't do it.

  Howard asked Stacey if Halloween III is her biggest movie. She said that has become a cult movie but ''Yellow Beard'' is her favorite. She said she was in a few other Woody Allen movies but she was cut from a couple. Howard asked if she's okay with the Roman Polanski thing. She said she's not and it's not right to drug a 13 year old.

  Howard asked about dating Warren Beatty. Stacey said that he was great. She said he wanted to meet her because he likes to meet every attractive actress. She said she got the call and she had to go to his house. She didn't want to do that but she eventually did. Howard asked why any self respecting woman would do that. She said that he was doing the Pick Up Artist at the time and she just wanted to meet him. She said he came to the door in a towel and that's exactly how she expected it to happen. Howard asked if he fucked her that day. She said they didn't do it for months and months. She said she really did like him. She said she was with him for a few months on and off. She wouldn't tell Howard how big he was. She said he was very charming and charismatic to her.

  Howard asked if she had anal with Warren. She said she did not. Gary came in and said that they met Warren and he was the most un-charismatic and least charming person they've ever met. Howard agreed.

  Howard said that Stacey dated Sean Penn. She said he was great too. She said that her first husband was not great. Howard read that she dated Perry King too. Howard didn't know who that was. Howard asked if she's ever dated a black man. She said she has. Howard said she was with Treat Williams, Tim Matheson, Bill Wyman from the Rolling Stones and others. Stacey asked him to save some stuff from her book for people to read.

  Howard asked Stacey if her husband is upset she was with so many famous men. She said he's very secure and he's not upset about it. Howard said he likes that Beth didn't fuck a lot of guys. He gets why guys wanted Stacey though.

  Howard gave Stacey a plug for her web site TheDailyAffair.com.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that Stacey must have the Holland tunnel between her legs after sleeping with so many guys. He said that Woody Allen should be getting arrested for being with these young girls too.

  Howard said Stacey has had quite a life. Stacey said she wants to write a book about it so that's why she wanted Howard to stop talking about all of the guys she was with. She wants to save that.

  Howard asked Stacey about dating Sean Penn. She said she really liked him. She said he just went off and disappeared. Howard asked what she thinks about that. She said it's not okay and he should have communicated what was going on. She said that she was 25 and he was 24 at the time. She said he was young.

  Howard suggested that she name her book about her life ''My Busy Vagina.'' She didn't seem to think that was a good name for it.

  Howard asked Stacey if she's had a threesome with her husband. She said they haven't but they have talked about it and they do keep their options open. She said that it's not that easy.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that he can't believe that this is a relationship expert. Another caller asked if she got spanked by Woody. She said she wasn't going to talk about who spanked her or if she has. Howard said he tried spanking Beth once and she didn't like it. Howard said he doesn't like it either so she never spanked him.

  Stacey asked Robin if she's ever been attracted to women. Robin said she hasn't. Stacey said she loves men but she is attracted to women too. Stacey said she and her husband have figured out how to have fun with sex so they role play and do things like that. She said they'll pretend that they're having an affair and things like that. Howard asked if she's had a rape fantasy. She said she hasn't done that. She thinks that it's okay to do that though.

  Stacey said that you have to work at it to keep a relationship going. She said if you don't then it can be a long time before you have sex.

  Howard asked Stacey what her opinion was on George and Brad's relationship. He explained to her that Brad has gotten out of shape and George would like him to get back into shape. She said that he should work on it then. She said that it's very passive aggressive if he's not doing anything. She said that weight is one of those things that people do passive aggressively.

  Howard told Stacey about what George did yesterday and had the Howard TV guys roll it. They played it a short time later. Stacey said that Jason was hung. She said he had a nice body but he fucked it up with the tattoos.

  Stacey said George had a nice voice. George said he liked her's too. Howard had George correcting her on the pronunciation of tsunami.

  Howard said Richard wanted to meet Stacey. He's a huge Halloween III fan so he wanted to meet her. Richard came in and said that he's a massive Halloween III fan. Richard said he was freaking out when he saw her name on the list. He said he listened to the soundtrack album for the movie on his way to work. Richard said that he's a big fan and he goes to meet the people that were in that movie.

  Howard asked Stacey about going to the conventions and getting paid for her autograph. She said she gets $20 for one. She said she lets a lot slide though. Stacey said it's kind of surreal to go to those things and meet these people.

  Stacey said she got Linda Hamilton to go to the conventions and she's making even more than $20 per autograph. She said she wanted to get out and meet the fans and now she's going to a lot of them.

  Howard asked Stacey if she brings the money herself or if she has someone go with her. She said she goes herself. Howard said it must be weird to get a $50 bill and have to give change back. Howard said he would have a hard time charging for his autograph. George said you can avoid that by doing the convention for a fee. Stacey said that is an option. She said she likes that idea. She doesn't like charging for her autograph.

  Richard said that Stacey shows her boobs in Halloween III. She didn't show any nipple though. That was in her contract.

  Howard asked Stacey about going to the convention and what Linda Hamilton was getting for her autographs. She said that she was getting like $40. She said that she got her to go to the convention and the line of people was crushing her's. She said she's friends with Linda and she's a lovely woman. Howard asked if she hit the wall. Linda didn't know what that meant so he had to explain it to her. Howard said he hit the wall when he was about 15.

  Howard told Stacey that he wants her to come back and get T-O-P-L-E-S-S for them. She found it funny that he was spelling it out for her. Fred was playing Ronnie spelling it out for her too. Howard and the Ronnie clips went back and forth for a minute. Howard gave Stacey some more plugs for her web site and started to wrap up.

  Howard asked Stacey if she ever goes to her husband's job and does stuff to him there. She said she will do that but not when anyone else is there at work. She said women have to do that to keep relationships going. Howard said he likes that advice.

  Howard and Stacey talked a little more about relationships and then wrapped up. Howard gave her some more plugs for her web site and she got in a plug for her book ''You Can't Afford to Break Up: How an Empty Wallet and a Dirty Mind Can Save Your Relationship.'' Howard said the name of the book wasn't sexy enough so it probably sold 3 copies. She said that's about right. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.

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• Courtney Love's Rambling Videos Played. 04/07/11. 8:10am
  After the break we heard a prank call Sal and Richard made to a deli using George Takei ''dry oatmeal'' clips. Fred also played the Rolling Stones ''You Can't Always Get What You Want'' as they were coming back.

  Howard came back and said that Courtney Love sits at home making videos talking to people. He said he hasn't figured out how to do that and he probably won't. He said that on Fashion Police Joan Rivers and Kelly Osbourne made a comment about her being a crack addict. Courtney got offended and she made one of these videos.

  Howard played the clip of the women talking about Courtney Love on that Fashion Police show. They were joking around about it so then Courtney gets on her computer to fire back at them. She's in the dark and here's like no lighting. In the clip Courtney says she's been sober since 2005 and she has saved Kelly's life. She was rambling about that and you don't even know what she's talking about. Howard said she's claiming she saved Kelly's life twice. He said this is some train wreck he's watching.

  Howard played more of Courtney talking about the drugs she does take which are Aderol and some Ambien-like drug. She said that the Ambien-like stuff doesn't make you wake up with egg on your face and a 100,000 word letter you wrote. Howard said this is boring and you can't just ramble on like that. Howard said he likes Courtney but she can't go on and on like this.

  Robin said that Courtney is making references to stuff that's happened to her and it's interesting but she's not explaining the whole thing. Courtney went on and on about the other prescription drugs she's on. Robin asked what happened to being drug free. Howard said it sounds like she's on enough to fill a suitcase. Courtney then says she's sober. Howard said that was the worst ''sober'' discussion he's heard. Sober means you take nothing. Robin said he's being too literal.

• Mary McCormack Discussions. 04/07/11. 8:25am
  Howard said Mary McCormack is pregnant and about to give birth. He said that this is her third. He said he just heard from her the other day. He said they don't email for long periods of time and then they email frantically for a short time. He said her husband is the producer on that show ''Brothers and Sisters'' and he likes the guy a lot. Howard said he keeps tabs on Mary and he hopes to see her when he's out in L.A.

  Howard talked about working with Mary on Private Parts. He said that he could have run off with her like Paul Hogan did with the woman he did a movie with. Howard said he would be Hollywood if he had run off with his movie wife.

  Howard said it would have been great if he had started making love to Mary if she was into him. He said that it would have been even worse if he had started dating one of the girls that played his daughters in the movie. He said that would be the Woody Allen move.

• Prank Calls And Song Parodies. 04/07/11. 8:30am
  Howard said that Sal and Richard called a radio show and the announcer knew who it was as soon as they called in. Howard played that call and the guy said it sounded like a Howard Stern guy on the line and hung up. Sal called back and said it was smart he hung up on that idiot. Sal then asked the guy how big his junk was. The host said he's been in that situation before but he's avoided it for years. Sal called back and called him a dumb jackass. The guy said he can't be knocked down any farther than he has. He took another call and Richard called in and got hung up on. The guy said that he wasn't going to take any of the calls he had. He said he was going to take calls the next day instead.

  Howard said he loved that the guy says he can't be knocked down any further. Howard said there are times when you work at stations that are so shitty that you feel that nothing worse could be done to you. He said he knows exactly how the guy feels. He said he loves when he realizes that every call is from the Howard Stern guys.

  Howard said that David Letterman slipped in another inside joke about the show. Howard said that Ralph's show ''Geektime'' was referenced on the show. Howard played the clip from Letterman's show where the announcer, Alan Caulter, says that he'll be on Geektime on Saturday.

  Howard said that was a big shout out for them. He said it's a little show on Howard 101. Howard said a total of about 7 people laughed in his audience. Howard said the last time he was on the show the announcer told them to tune into the Wrap Up Show after the show. Howard said he thought it was great.

  Howard said sometimes during the commercials he listens to songs about Robin and things like that. He said he's rather critical about them and rejects a lot. He said that some of them just aren't funny. He said he was going to throw out a couple but George was in and he was sitting there laughing at them. He said he loves that. George said he loves the songs about Robin's titties and ass. He likes the way Robin takes it too.

  Howard said Psych sent in one song and it's not clear if it's about Robin or not. Howard played the song which might be about George. It was about spreading cheeks to the tune of ''New York, New York.'' George was laughing at it and said he loves it. George also laughed at a Little Mikey song that Howard didn't think was his strongest stuff. He said that he's going to put it in rotation because George was laughing so hard.

  Howard said he had a song called ''Brad's An Ass Eater'' that he wasn't going to play. He thought George might get upset with that one. Howard played it anyway. He also had one about George and Jason Ellis. He played that one and George thought that was cleverly done. Howard played another one about Robin and George just laughed and laughed. He said he thinks they're hilarious.

  Howard said that they might be jaded. He said that George loves these songs so maybe they're throwing out stuff that they shouldn't.

• Apple Culture. 04/07/11. 8:40am
  Howard said he swears he's not paid for this but he loves his iPad. He said that he usually carries around a book to write stuff down but he wants to start using his calendar app to do it. He said he was reading an article about the Motorola Xoom and they've only sold about 100,000. Apple has sold like a million of the new iPad. Howard said these other companies don't understand the culture and how they integrate it all. He said he's not sure what the other companies are thinking. He said when you get the iPad you get a tremendous amount of apps. He said you need a compelling reason to buy something like that. He said he doesn't get why they put out the same product and expect to do business with it. He said they're just not marketing this stuff right.

  Howard said he'd like to sit down with the head of Motorola and Blackberry and ask why they're not innovating instead of just copying Apple. Howard said that would be like them doing their show and waiting for someone to innovate something new. Robin said maybe they're just riding on the Apple coat tails and waiting for them to innovate.

  Howard asked George when he's going to be back. George said in August he may be back if Supah Ninjas isn't renewed. He said he may be back in September. Howard sang a song to George and said he hopes to see him in September and he'll bring in new cock for him. George told him to just bring back Jason Ellis. Howard said they should have Jason in every time George is in.

  George ended up making up his own song about his true love for Brad and how sometimes true love needs to be burnished. Howard had the Howard TV guys show the Jason Ellis and George clip again. George was talking about how good looking Jason is. His voice had gone to that softer place that Howard mentioned earlier. Howard just said ''Wow'' to that. They also played a ''Swallow the Yellow Big Load'' parody before going to break.

• Wrap Up Show Preview And More. 04/07/11. 8:55am
  After the break we heard a ''Terrorizing Telemarketers'' prank call where Jim Florentine and Don Jamieson jerked a telemarketer around. Fred also played Oasis ''Wonderwall'' as they were coming back.

  Howard came back and said he thinks he was in the middle if sexting. He said that Beth wrote him asking if he liked his hand cream last night. Howard said she used some on her hand last night. Howard said he was going to write her back and say that he likes hand cream but he likes her better. He said maybe he won't write her back. Robin told him to write that he's been thinking about her all day. Howard said he'll write that he was still thinking about the cold cream.

  Howard was about to ask George if he and Brad use cold cream but he figured they've used everything. He said they've probably used wine bottles. George said they haven't done that.

  Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon came in and Howard said he's sure he'll be conference calling him this weekend. He said that he and Jon are the only ones who are available on iChat. Robin said she will get set up on that soon. She said she'll work on it.

  JD said he knows that Robin can use it. Howard asked JD why he's not on. JD has an Apple computer so he can get in on it too. Howard said he's going to have Jon, JD and Robin on a four way call. Howard asked George if he does that stuff. George said he only uses a cell phone.

  Howard said it's really weird when you get on because you have nothing to say to the other person. Robin said that's how it was when they first got cell phones.

  Howard said they had John Stamos on the chat thing too once. He said John is no fun because he'll tease you with a story and not tell the whole story. He'll just say that he shouldn't tell the story. Gary said Lisa G just asked if she can get in on the chat. Howard said JD is out and Lisa is in.

  Howard asked Gary to ask Lisa if she'll play violin for them on the chat. Gary said that she'd have to think about it. Gary had Lisa on the phone in his office so it was coming over his intercom. Howard asked if she'll get topless. Lisa said no to that of course.

  Howard said it's really sad when it's just him and Jon chatting. Howard said he's sure that Lisa and Robin won't be available. Howard said he'll try both of them and JD too.

  They spent a minute talking about that and then had Jon run down his Wrap Up Show preview.

  Howard said he loves Mr. Skin and he was saying that it is Natalie Portman's ass in ''Your Highness.'' They used a body double for when she dives into the water. They had to use a stunt double for that.

  Howard had Mutt on the line to promote tonight's Superfan Roundtable. Mutt said they're going to talk about George Takei and if he's a good spouse or not. He said a lot of married people would get divorced over what George has done. George said he would have done the same thing for a woman's breasts if she had those clamps on.

• Debbie The Pet Lady's Apology. 04/07/11. 9:10am
  Howard had Debbie the Pet Lady on the phone. He thought she was calking in to apologize for lying about the Ass Napkin Ed thing. She said she's not a liar but Howard said he did lie. She said she's not a liar though. She just lied about that one thing. Debbie said that it's Ed who keeps calling her. She said she's sorry for the one lie. She said she's not trying to scam her way onto the show either. She said she did like Ed and he didn't like her. Howard told her to come in there and get topless for them to apologize. Debbie said she's not going to do that. She said that she wanted to get serious with him but he doesn't have time for her. Howard hung up on her.

• Robin's News. 04/07/11. 9:15am
  Fred played Robin into her news with a Little Mikey song parody. He also interrupted her with her Guatemalan theme song. Robin mentioned that Matt Lauer is going to be leaving the Today Show in 2012 when his contract is up. Howard said that's not true. He said Matt just wants more money. He said he knows Matt and he thinks that he'll stick around. Howard said he'd be terrific taking over. George said he would. Robin

  Robin read about a guy who was close friends with Obama who went to prostitutes. Howard said a lot of guys go to them and we have to get over this Puritan society thing. He said that politicians are just people too. Robin and Howard spent a minute talking about whether or not that should ruin a friendship. Howard said no. George agreed. Robin said it would ruin a friendship for her. Howard told her that JD went to a prostitute. Robin said that's an exception then. Howard said she's overreacting. Robin said she doesn't like how people end up in that industry. Howard and Robin spent a few minutes going back and forth on that subject. Robin said she could never be friends with Elliot Spitzer or Bill Clinton. Howard said he could overlook that stuff and be friendly with both of those guys. He said they are flawed but he could still be friends. Robin read more about this guy that she brought up at the beginning of the discussion.

  Robin read a story about Lindsay Lohan possibly landing a role in the John Gotti movie that Stuttering John is producing. Howard asked if they even have a script. Robin said she's not sure but she finds it funny that she has to have meetings with John to get a job. That led to Fred doing his impression of Stuttering John for a minute.

  Robin read about Ashley Judd's new book and some of the stuff she wrote about. Robin said she says her childhood was very lonely. She also had a lot of drugs in her environment. Howard said she should try being the fat sister. Howard wondered when she got to be hot. He said he'd like to track that transition.

  Robin read about the government shutdown and how they still haven't come up with a resolution so there will be short term spending measures to keep the government going while they hammer out the budget details. Robin said that President Obama rushed back to the White House trying to get it worked out.

  Ralph called in and said that Robin might be crazy. He said she's comparing beating a woman to prostitution and she's nuts. Robin said that it's a form of abuse. Robin said you're taking care of a person who is damaged. Ralph said ''Oh please...'' Robin said that she feels for women who are beaten and for prostitutes. Ralph said that they could call strippers prostitutes too because they're taking money for getting naked. Robin said she feels for them too. She said they're damaged as well.

  Robin read a story about how the cops have not found the remains of a missing prostitute in the Gilgo Beach area. They have found a bunch of other bodies there though. Robin said they're having a hard time dealing with the terrain out there. Robin said they're going to be out there with cadaver dogs today. She had some audio of an official talking about that.

  Howard asked George how he says ''Guillotine.'' George said it ''Gil-o-tine.'' Someone emailed in and said that he was saying it wrong. Howard said maybe the writer thinks it's something else. Howard read some other email about George and how they want to hear more about him flicking his tongue on Brad's asshole. George said he may have said too much. Howard had George do a quick announce and then read a live commercial himself.

  Robin read a story about how sports teams seem to divide people just as bad as religion does. Robin said there's a man who was beaten after a game last week and he's in a coma. Robin said that he was attacked outside of Dodger stadium and he had texted his relatives before he left saying he was scared. He was wearing a San Francisco Giants jersey at Dodger stadium and got beat up for that.

  Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she wrote a song for George. Howard let her get out about 3 1/2 words in the song before hanging up on her.

  Robin read about a guy from Alaska who died in the Japan tsunami. Robin also said there was a dog that floated away with a bunch of garbage in the tsunami and he was found days after. Robin said they reunited the dog with the owner after the owner saw the dog on the news.

  Robin read about a Maryland man who sat on some super glue on a toilet seat and got stuck. Robin said they should find the guy who did it and lock him up for life. Robin said this happened the day before April Fool's day. She said the police are investigating.

  Robin read about Glenn Beck's show being canceled. Robin said FOX says the show will end later this year. Howard said Beck goes on and pretends that it was a joint decision. Howard said he's acting like it's some big decision he made. That led to Howard playing some audio of Beck's announcement. He said he will find other ways for him to connect to his viewers. Howard said Beck can go off and become a survivalist and wait for 2012 to come around so the world can end.

  Howard asked about the guy who crazy glued his ass to the toilet seat and how mean it is to do something like that. Howard said he'd like to glue one to Sal's ass just to see how he deals with it at the hospital.

  Robin read a story about how meditation works better for pain than medication does. Howard said he's been doing that since he was 18. Robin said they burned people for this study they did. Robin said that the meditaters got relief sooner than the medicated people did.

  Robin read about Britney Spears new song getting into the top 5. She had Howard play some of that and Fred threw in the door slamming sound effect that was very much like the beat in the song.

  Robin read about a teacher who allegedly had inappropriate contact with 4 students. Robin said the guy pleaded not guilty to the charges. Robin said the school says they work hard to ensure the safety of their students. She had some audio of a school official talking about that.

  Howard took a call from a woman who asked about getting mad at Steve and Richard and if he gets requests in his personal life to help people. Howard said a lot of people in his personal life use him and there only a few who don't. He said most people are looking for ways to use him. He said it saddens him. He said they take advantage of you. She asked if any of them are close friends. Howard said he didn't want to talk about it. He said she touched a nerve.

  Robin said she asked for Howard's sperm and he turned her down. Howard said he liked that movie where Jennifer Aniston had a guy's sperm that was switched. Robin said she has liked a couple of her movies lately. Howard said he has too. He said he sees all of her movies. Howard had some ideas for a movie and told Robin and George about it. George said that Howard would have to talk to his agent, Don Buchwald. He pronounced it in an unusual way so Howard ended up singing a song with him about that.

  Robin read about this guy who was drunk driving and killed a man but the mother of the man who died helped keep this man out of jail. Robin said that the defendant was just 19 and he deserved redemption so they worked out a deal where he won't get any jail time.

  Howard took a call from a guy who was having some trouble with his phone. The guy congratulated him on having George on the show this week. He said he came out like a cannon this week. He said last time he was kind of reserved. Howard quickly moved on after that.

  Robin said that Jared Leto from 30 Seconds to Mars was honoring Kurt Cobain this week. Howard asked if there are more than 3 people who have a 30 Seconds to Mars album. Robin had him play some of his stuff and Howard was shocked at how good the song sounded. Robin was shocked too. Robin said Jared posted something about Kurt and how he wouldn't be doing what he's doing now if it wasn't for him.

  Ralph called in and mentioned he's doing a new Geektime on Saturday. He also asked if he does the backgrounds thing on iChat. Howard said it seems kind of desperate. Ralph said it's pretty cool though. Howard said he really is a geek. Howard said he did try it out and his head was kind of pixelated. He said he searched how to do it better and he found a video of a 12 year old telling you how to do this. He said that this kid suggested putting a white screen or sheet behind you. He thought about doing that but he figured Beth would think he was nuts. He said he really wants to try it but it's too complicated. Ralph said he uses a piece of foam core when he wants to do it. Howard told Robin to Google it and find the 12 year old kid telling you how to make iChat cool. He said this little kid knew a lot of stuff.

  Robin read about how the new Batman movie is going to shoot in Pittsburgh this summer. Robin had some audio of an official from Pittsburgh talking about that. Howard said he'd shoot it in Hawaii.

  Robin read some news about Lady Gaga and something new she's releasing from her album. Howard said he can't believe she got them all to call her Lady Gaga.

  Robin said that Todd Rundgren is going to be on American Idol sitting in the audience. Howard said he saw him the other day and he wondered what he was doing there. Robin said she didn't see it but he was sitting behind Steven Tyler. Robin read that he raised Liv Tyler. Howard said he forgot about that. Liv didn't even know that Steven was her father.

  Robin read about the movie Hanna opening and had some audio of Cate Blanchett talking about working with Saoirse Ronan in the movie. Howard was still on the Steven Tyler and Todd Rundgren story which led to Howard going into his impression of his mother. Howard joked that Tiny Tim was actually his father.

  Robin read about Russell Brand's ''Arthur'' which is opening tomorrow. She had some audio of Brand talking about playing the part. Howard was still doing his impression of his mother. He had her telling him that his sister's father was actually Elvis.

  Howard did more of his mother's impression and kept talking about the Tiny Tim thing and how Tiny had to ''spread the hairs'' to get in there. Howard also thanked George for coming in this week. He gave him some plugs for his Supah Ninjas show and also for his play Allegiance which is due out next year. Howard ended the show around 10:10am.

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• Wrap Up Show - Prostitution And Abuse. 04/07/11. 10:20am
  Jon and Gary started the show talking about some of the stuff they were going to talk about. They talked about the big video chat thing that Howard wants to do with Jon and Robin. Benjy has an Apple too and he loves it. Gary said he went in kicking and screaming but now he's all in. He said he almost threw his old computer out the window last fall.

  Jon said it's a big deal that Howard wants to switch over to his iPad's calendar instead of a book. Gary said they switched over from carts to the computer when they got there and he had to sit down with Howard and tell him about that. He said Howard wondered why they weren't doing it long before then when they made the switch. Jon said he makes that switch 100 percent when he does it.

  Jon said Robin was also comparing prostitution to men beating women. Benjy said he got the point she was trying to make. He said that she was assuming that most people who do prostitution are somehow abused and men are taking advantage of that abuse. Benjy said it might not be the case every time though. Gary said that he doesn't believe that every prostitute is abused. Benjy said that she was saying that they're ''damaged.'' Gary said that it's been going on since the dark ages. He said saying that a man paying for sex is like a guy who beats his wife is the same just doesn't seem right. Jon said he feels the same as Gary.

  Gary pointed out that JD has paid for sex and Benjy has had some transactions. He wondered why Robin would be friendly with JD and Benjy. Benjy said he doesn't think there's anything wrong with being a prostitute if it's done in a healthy way. He said if you feel you're taking advantage of someone who is damaged then it's wrong. Benjy said he thinks Robin has a problem with guys cheating on their wives too.

  Jon took a call from a guy who said that a woman who is prostituting herself is putting herself out there. A woman who is abused isn't putting herself out there to be abused. He said he thinks that Robin is full of shit and he disagrees with her. He said she talks straight out of her ass a lot and she might mean something other than what she says.

  Benjy asked the caller if he has used prostitutes. He said unfortunately he has. Jon asked why he said ''unfortunately.'' The caller said he isn't proud of that and he doesn't think many guys are. Gary said Artie was kind of proud of it. The caller said Artie was getting really high class hookers. He said the one he had smoked crack before she blew him.

  Jon said that you don't really think about the life history of someone like that. Benjy said Robin seems to think it's an exploitation though. Gary said they are mature adults and they can make decisions on their own.

  Ralph called in and said that Robin is judging the girls and saying that they must be abused if they're out there doing this. He said that she's saying that they're all a mess but that's not the case. He said there are women who just want to sell themselves. Gary said he feels that if you fuck a guy on film for money then maybe not everything went very well in their life. He said she could get a shitty secretary job or make good money doing something like porn or prostitution.

  Ralph said he thinks that beating a woman is the worst thing you can do and Chris Brown should be reminded of it every day.

• Wrap Up Show - Ronnie And George Takei Discussions. 04/07/11. 10:35am
  Ronnie came in so Jon asked him about how he was accused of playing to the camera. Ronnie said he can't ignore those cameras. Ronnie said he just pointed out what Howard had done by doing the behind the scenes stuff with the cameras. He had one right behind him in the halls yesterday. He said he knows the rules and he will abide by them unlike Benjy.

  Jon said he wanted to talk about George talking about thinking about Jason Ellis in the shower this morning. He wondered if those kind of things can happen with Brad and George and not have issues. Gary said that if Jon sat on the show talking about his wife being fat all week and then squeezed some chick's tits at the end of the week, would he be able to go home. Jon said he wouldn't have a home. He said maybe things are smooth between them and it's not that bad.

  The guys talked about George touching Jason's dick and wondering if that's the same thing as the guys coming into the studio to feel up a chick. Gary said he has kids and he feels creepy doing that. Jon has never done it. Benjy asked if he ever would. Jon said he wouldn't do it because it would be disrespectful to his wife. Howard has stopped doing it. Ronnie said he hasn't done it. He said he would do it if he was asked. He said he went in and tested one chick with a flashlight. Gary said DePace says his wife is fine with it. He said he's not sure who leads the charge to do it though.

  Jon said George has been gushing over this guy. He asked Gary if it would bother him if he was married to George. Gary said he thinks it would. He said if his wife was jamming her hand down a guy's pants at Chipendales then he'd be upset. Ronnie said the girls go nuts at those places and it's really disturbing. They spent a minute on that and then went to break.

• Wrap Up Show - Stacey Nelkin. 04/07/11. 10:50am
  After the break Jon brought up Stacey Nelkin and the stories she was telling about Woody Allen. Gary said he didn't know that the movie Manhattan was about their relationship. Jon said that Howard was saying there had to be something wrong with her mother to let her date the guy. Gary said that she was saying she was mature for her age and things like that. Gary asked Jon what he would do if a 41 year old showed up to date his 17 year old. Jon said it's not going to happen. He wouldn't let the guy near her. Gary said if an older women wanted to date his son Jackson he thinks he might be okay with it and he'd just tell his son not to fall in love with her. He said he'd tell him that he could get fucked up emotionally if he did date someone like that.

  Gary and Jon talked about what Jon would do if a 45 year old showed up when his daughter was 21 and still in college. Jon said he's not sure he'd be okay with it at any time. He's not sure what he would do.

  Benjy said he doesn't think it's all that wrong. He said that there are some 16 and 17 year olds who are perfectly fine dating a 40 year old.

  Jon said that Stacey was talking about threesomes not being that kinky. Benjy said if you do it enough then it might become normal. He said that he'd have to ask her what is kinky to her. Gary said a lot of guys say they'd like to have a threesome but when you're in a committed relationship you realize what it really means. Gary said there was a movie where a guy begged and begged to have a threesome and he eventually gets it and the chick ends up enjoying the other chick a lot more than he expected.

  Jon took a call from a guy who said when that lady was talking about threesomes and Howard just glanced over it. He said they don't know what happened between Rebecca Romijn and John Stamos. Gary said no one knows what happened there. Benjy said Howard talked about the two women given him a blow job at one point but it wasn't the Stamos thing. He claims that nothing happened with them. Jon said they only know as much as the caller knows about the Stamos situation.

  Jon asked Gary how excited Richard was to meet Stacey. Gary said she's just the flavor of the day for him. He said that Richard said she's his favorite and he has a lot of favorites. Jon said he really did want to meet her though. Gary said maybe she can become an ordained minister and marry them.

  Jon took a call from a guy who asked how Gary got the picture of Denise Richards reading his book. Gary said someone just sent it to him. He didn't have to do anything.

  The caller also asked if there's any jealous going on there with the guys since Jon is getting to chat with Howard on his computer. Jon said he's not becoming Howard's friend and it's just him showing Howard some technology. He said when it comes to that stuff he can help and it's fun to do it. He said it's a lot of fun to help the guy since he's helped him so much.

  Jon took another call from a guy who said he wanted to comment on the sex at strip clubs thing and he thinks that Ronnie can't talk about it because he goes to that one. The guys said it doesn't go on at every place. He said that it might happen at some places but not all. They had to end the show a short time later.

• Best Of The Week. 04/08/11. 6:00am
  This week's Best Of The Week is below. Each of the segments are linked to the archived parts above. Here's what they played:
  • Best Of The Week - Jesse Ventura. 04/08/11. 6:00am
  • Best Of The Week - Jason Ellis. 04/08/11. 7:00am
  • Best Of The Week - Chris Rock. 04/08/11. 8:15am
  • Best Of The Week - Howard And George On Therapy. 04/08/11. 8:55am
  • Best Of The Week - Little Lupe Game. 04/08/11. 10:05am

  Today's Best of the Week was over around 10:35am.

• Master Tape Theatre - Monday June 21, 1999. 04/10/11. 3:00pm
  You can read full details about today's Master Tape Theatre in my 1999 Archives.
  • Doughty From Soul Coughing Calls In. 6/21/99. 6:30am
  • The Gary ''Babapology'' Tape Gets One Last Play. 6/21/99. 7:10am
  • The Houston & Brad Prom Date Story. 6/21/99. 7:45am
  • Happy(?) Father's Day Howard. 6/21/99. 8:50am
  • Gary Garver Interviews Donny Osmond. 6/21/99. 9:05am
  • Hank The Dwarf's Seizure. 6/21/99. 9:50am

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