|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about how he was going to try and clear his mind to get through the show. He said they were talking about how he couldn't fall asleep last week and Robin mentioned that she wasn't the one who had to take Ambien. He said he thought about that and someone pointed out that Robin may not have the same pressure that he has. He said they pointed out the pressure he has and what Robin doesn't have. He said you can't really judge on that though. Robin said they don't know the kind of pressure she has.
Howard said he has a lot of shit on his mind. Robin said maybe he should go to temple. Howard said he did. He said he went to a Hasidic temple. Robin asked how far he went. Howard said he wore a hat in there and no yarmulke. Howard said the hat was just a cloth hat. He said he wasn't sure if that was disrespectful or not. Robin said she thinks that's okay. Howard said it was cooler than wearing a yarmulke because they don't stay on his head.
Howard said he went to a Habbad service and he doesn't even know what that is. He said they don't speak English during those. He said it was really hard core. Howard said he went to speak to God. Howard said there is some silent prayer and he's not sure how to pray. He said he didn't know if he should think about the issues he had or speak directly to God. He wasn't sure how to do it.
Howard said there were lots of guys being very devout. He said he was so nervous about it. He said he went with a friend and the women have to sit in a separate section. He said they separate the men and women. Howard said he didn't know what to do so some guys were helping him out. He said they could see that he was like a lost Jew, wandering.
Howard said he was raised in a very conservative, religious family but he seems to have blocked all of the rituals out. He said he once got a scathing letter from a teacher where she basically blamed his parents for not helping with math. He said his father had flash cards that he tested him with. He said the guy was fuckin' livid and went over his times tables with him. He said he yelled at him for not knowing them and he'd call him names over it. Howard said he learned it though. He still uses them to this day.
Howard took a call from a guy asking why he went to a synagogue. He said that he sounds like his father who was the same way after being an atheist for the longest time. Howard said he knows a guy who is in his life who is having problems. He knows this person needs help and he's been trying to help and nothing has worked. He said his mom used to pray for people and she was very religious. He said she's very spiritual after doing the Transcendental Meditation thing. Howard said she used to tell him about her praying and he did an impression of that which made Robin laugh.
Howard went into his full blown mom impersonation with the megaphone. He had her telling him about how she was praying for this other person. He said it was all about her. He had her breathing heavy kind of like Mel Gibson so Fred threw in some Mel clips too.
Howard said his mom would pray for this person to be helped and he'd leap to action to do something himself. Howard said he was doing everything he could to help this person in his life. He said he was taking action in many ways and nothing was coming out of it. He said things were getting worse and worse. Howard said his mom thought that prayer worked so he figured he'd try it even though he knows it won't work.
Howard said the woman who brought him to temple was Sandra Bernhard. He said that she told him that she goes to services on Saturday so Beth told him maybe he should go with her. Howard said he told Sandra he'd go but he was very nervous. Robin said she's amazed that she goes to a conservative church. Howard said that it's pretty wild. He said she sings and you can hear her from her seat. He said all of the old Jews there look through the bushes to see her singing. He said they look to see if they can set her up with someone.
Howard said he was all neurotic before going and he asked her what to wear and things like that. She told him he didn't need a suit but he wore one anyway. He said he asked about the yarmulke thing and ended up wearing the hat instead. She told him that would be fine too and she had to talk him through all of this stuff. Howard said it seems like everyone there knows more than he does. Howard said he was deathly afraid that they'd ask him to go up and read a prayer or something. He said he wouldn't know what to do and he'd barely know how to read Hebrew. Howard said he doesn't want to do that stuff. He just wants to sit quietly and pray.
The caller asked who he's going to blame if things work out. Howard said he's very skeptical and he's just taking a leap hear. He said he's at his wit's end right now. Howard said from all indications nothing is working out so he's blaming god. He said he told Beth that his prayer didn't do anything. Robin said that there are people who pray every day and it doesn't just work with one prayer.
The caller told Howard he's very sick. Howard said he needed to go for some reason and it made him feel better. He said he lasted for an hour there. Howard said he found it comforting to go. He said it seemed that they are so into their religion there that no one even know who he was. Howard said there were people standing up and sitting down during prayers and he didn't know what to do. He said the Rabbi came over and asked him what his name was. He said the guy knew he was a friend of Sandra's. Howard said that the guys there were as intensely into that prayer as the Muslims are when they're praying to Allah.
The caller asked Howard what he thinks they would have done if he was black. Howard said he thinks they would have accepted him. He said there was tremendous acceptance from everyone. He said he was calming down the longer he was there. He was uptight about it at first when one guy sat next to him.
Howard said he was praying and trying to stay along with the group. He said there was one guy who was correcting him on some words the Rabbi had wrong. He said that's the guy's job so they get upset when he says words wrong. Howard said Sandra was there for like 2 hours and 45 minutes. He said she goes every weekend too. He said she's super religious.
Howard said he was sitting there and the Rabbi was speed reading. He said he tried to keep up but it was tough. That led to Fred playing Gilbert Gottfried singing some Yiddish songs. Howard said he figured it was time to talk to God. He wasn't sure how to do it though. He figured he'd read the English parts and then talk to God in there. Howard said he learned some stuff about Moses that he didn't know. He said all of this stuff was probably written by someone who was hallucinating.
Howard said he was reading the English stuff and figured ''fuck it'' and started mumbling some shit to himself during the prayer. The caller asked what he was asking for. Howard said he didn't want to talk about anything specific. The caller asked if it was about the stock going up there at SIRIUS. Howard said this guy knows him like the back of his hand. Howard said he may have dropped in one mention of the stock.
Howard said there was a passage he came upon that prayed for other people. He said that it applied to health and this applies to health so he read that one to himself. He felt that was the appropriate thing at the time.
Howard said it felt very bonding in a way. He said it was like a sweat lodge without all of the sweat. He said the guy who ran the service had a comforting voice. The chanting all comforted him too. He said he's not sure if he'll go back though. Howard said they didn't ask him for money or anything either. He said the Rabbi did ask him what his name was but he just said ''Howard'' and didn't say his last name.
The caller kept asking questions that were annoying Howard. The guy said this was interesting and he wanted to know more. The guy said he was just curious about his name because of who he is. Howard said he just said his first name.
Howard said he was basically put there by his mother. He said he went and it did make him feel better. Howard said just the fact that he wanted to go do something for someone else made him feel better. He was just staying home and playing chess and going to temple made him feel better.
Howard said he doesn't know why he didn't give his last name but usually when he does he feels like he's making an appearance. The caller said that's the problem with organized religion because they might have a problem with him when the truth comes out. He said he likes that Howard meditated and it was kind of like religion. Howard said this was for a specific purpose to speak to god about him being at his wit's end. He said he feels that you have to be in a group so your prayer can radiate to God. Howard said it's like when that big light is in Ghostbusters and all of the ghost are responding to that light.
The caller told him that this was good that he got out of the house to do something so he can get away from himself. He said he has to do more of this so he can say goodbye to his therapist.
Howard said Beth wasn't with him last night. He said that wasn't good. He said he's not sure if he can get away from his therapist either. He said Sunday nights aren't good for him because he bums out and feels like he has to go to school or something. Beth not being home didn't help.
Howard said he watched the Christina Aguilera special. Robin said she's having problems selling albums. Howard said he's just into this special. Howard said he hated every song she did. He said he wanted to see her taking her clothes off but she didn't do that. Howard said she was in fishnets and he didn't dig that.
Howard said he likes Katy Perry and he saw that this song ''California Gurls'' was produced by this other song ''Tic Toc'' and they were both produced by the same guy. Howard did an A/B thing with her song and the Tic Toc song. Howard had both of them playing at the same time. They were very similar when they started out. Howard said it's not ripping off, it's just a case of the same guy producing the songs.
Howard said he watched a special about Cameron Diaz on E! but that was kind of boring. He said it was just an interview about her career. He deleted that show. He went through his TiVo and watched some more of the America's Got Talent stuff. He said he loves that show.
Howard let the caller go and said that he was a little hostile toward him. He didn't understand why. Howard said he was just talking about what he did over the weekend. He went to try on the religion thing. He said he's waiting for the results now.
Howard went off on Larry for a couple of minutes about how much of a no talent the guy is. He said he did lame interviews with old timers on his show.
Howard played some audio of a TMZ segment where Larry was asked about Howard Stern. Larry got upset in the clip and Larry said he didn't know where Howard was now that he left radio. Howard said Larry knows exactly where he is. Howard said the guy used to call 10 times a year to do his dumb show too. They had some audio of Howard in that clip too.
Howard said everyone is picking up on that whole Larry King thing across the country. Howard said they should be shunning Larry for what he did to his wife. He said that he might have been banging his wife's sister.
Howard said Jay Leno had a good line about Larry but he's sure Jay didn't write it. Howard said Jay was talking about how we're trying to get Osama Bin Laden and we can't even catch Roman Polanski. He thought the line was pretty funny.
Howard said he told his shrink to go fuck himself the other day. He said he's been doing this therapy for years and he isn't getting better. The guy won't let him go though. He said he still needs therapy. Howard said he's more nuts than ever. He said that the shrink thinks that he has stuff bubbling to the surface and that's why he has to stay.
Howard said he has to be done with this job. That's the problem. He said he stares at that alarm clock all the time and wonders when he has to get up. He said he gets mental over staying up late and watching TV. He said Mel thinks that he has to keep doing the show at 6 instead of 7. He said that the sponsors like the show from 6-10 so he can't get out of this schedule.
Howard said that Eminem has a whole channel there and he's never at work. Howard said Oprah has only been there once. Howard said she's not worried about SIRIUS. He said he's the only one worried. You'd think that he owned the place. Howard said he's not sure if anyone else is on at 6 other than Opie and Anthony. He said Bubba does his show on terrestrial radio at 6 but that has to be awful.
Howard said he's not sure if Richard is still in the closet or not. He said Richard may have gotten mad at him for talking about some of that stuff in the past. Howard said that he wishes that Richard could meet a guy and just be happy. He said that's if he's gay. He said he's really not sure about that.
Howard said Richard is fuckin' loony. He said the guy came to his house one time and he was way too energetic and squeezed everyone until he hurt them. Howard said Richard can't even fix those fat people he tries to help. Howard said he's not sure what the guy is doing. Howard said we should see some stats on what he has actually been able to do.
Howard said Richard is a nice guy and all but it's really tough to carry on a relationship with the guy. Howard said he breaks down and cries over things that no one else would. He cried at Gary's wedding. He said he may have been crying for Mary. Howard said no one can be that narcissistic that he has to cry at someone else's wedding. Howard said the guy should go get his own relationship.
Howard said he's not in touch with Richard now so he's not sure what's going on with him. That led to Fred playing a song parody where they have Richard saying ''I wanted the sausage'' with some gay porn clips playing in the background.
Howard said Richard isn't even on Letterman anymore. He said Dave lifted that whole thing from them and he ran out of things to do with the guy. Howard said if Richard had kept coming on this show then he would have been able to see where to take it.
Howard asked the guy what he does for a living. The guy said he has put out two albums. He said he has done construction and things too. He said he's making all of his money from his albums now. Howard didn't believe him. The guy said he does still do construction to pick up some money once in a while. Howard said he should open up a hip hop construction company. He hung up on him a short time later.
Howard said that Robert Duvall is coming in today. He said he should have watched the preview copy of the movie he got. He didn't get a chance to see it though.
Another caller told Howard that he should consider cutting down on going to the shrink and maybe take some anti-depressants. Howard said he's not sure he wants to do that. He said he's not suicidal or anything. He said he's just generally ''blah.'' Robin asked what's missing. Howard wasn't sure. The caller and Robin threw in some suggestions for how to get over his depression.
Speech Impediment Man called in and asked Howard who he thinks is a bigger dick, Larry King, Jay Leno, Don Imus or Mel Gibson. Howard said Larry isn't a dick, he's just a douche. Howard then went off on Imus and how the guy gets such great press even though he didn't do anything in radio until he saw how he worked. Howard said that Imus stole bits and stuff from him and changed his whole show once they worked together at NBC. Howard said he read an article about Imus and he doesn't get why David Hinkley can't see what a phony Imus was. Howard said he wishes he could write a book about that stuff. Speech Impediment Man said he should write a book. Howard said he might do that eventually.
Howard said that Mel Gibson is an idiot but he's not sure if he's the biggest dick either. Howard and Robin talked about Whoopi Goldberg defending Mel and how she has never said anything controversial in her career. Howard said that she just defends everyone. Howard said she must have made a pact with the devil or something. He said she's not all that funny but she had a huge career. He said she even changed her name to something Jewish sounding so she could appeal to the Jews or something. Robin said she thinks she actually is a practicing Jew. Howard wondered why she changed her name. Robin said she thinks she is Jewish.
Howard went off on Mel Gibson some more and pointed out to Whoopi that Mel is a racist. Howard said that he can't possibly claim he's not when he did that Passions of the Christ movie and yelled about the Jews and used the N-word the way he did. Howard said that the guy is a fucking anti-Semite and the Passions of the Christ was the worst movie ever. Howard said that they finally got a tape of this asshole that shows his ignorance. Howard said the guy isn't a dick, he's a dummy. He said Imus is a Dick. He said that he was just a dick and treated people like crap. Howard said the guy was a cocaine addled broken down disk jockey. Howard said he never wanted to be like that.
Howard said that if you give a guy any power it will show what they're really like. Howard said that Jay Leno booted his manager. He went off on Jay for a minute too. He said that Larry King is a douche and maybe the King of the douche bags. Howard said the guy has some power and he's with all of these women. He said the guy is a dope and a dummy. He said he should be locked up in a straight jacket.
Howard said the whole world had gone nuts. Robin said that she heard the wife wants him back. Howard said he read that wasn't true and they were denying that story. That led to them playing a couple of song parodies that Dan the Song Parody Man created using Mel clips. They had a prank call to a phone sex line using the Mel clips too. They went to break after playing another song parody.
Howard came back and said that Gary and the other guys like Scott DePace and Jason too their IQ tests. Howard said he has $1000 on DePace. Robin has the same on Jason. Howard said he's losing his confidence in his bet. He said the contest is sponsored by the movie ''Dinner for Schmucks.'' He said he went to see the movie and it was good up until he had to leave. Howard said he got to go to a screening and the director was there. He said Paul Rudd was there and the hot chick in the movie was there too. He said she's a fan of the show. Howard said he doesn't know her name though.
Howard said a lot of people wanted to see the movie and he was waiting for it to start and it was so packed that they put seats in the aisle. He said the two guys next to him were talking through the whole movie. He said they were eating popcorn and talking and he couldn't hear the movie. He said he had to get out of there. He said he got up and walked out because he couldn't take it anymore. Howard said he plans on seeing the second half of it but he had to get out. The movie was good but he couldn't take the talking and noise from these two guys. He felt bad because Paul Rudd probably thinks that he's an asshole for walking out.
Howard said that they're going to reveal the results of the tests on the 29th of this month. Gary said he thinks he did very well on the test. He said he's very confident about it now.
Howard said he's losing his confidence in Scott DePace. Scott said he thinks he did fine. Gary said that there are bets on DePace to beat people like JD and Jason. Gary said he and Ralph also bet $300 with each other that they'll be able to beat one another. Gary said a lot of this test is verbal and he thinks he did okay with most of it. Howard heard some of the things they did during the test and he was getting a headache just thinking about it.
Robin found the name of the girl in the movie that Howard had mentioned. She said it may have been Stephanie Szostak. Howard said that she came over and interrupted a conversation that he was having with James Lipton and he was fine with that. He said that Lipton just kept talking though. Howard said that James Lipton has this thing where he wears a fishing vest all the time. Howard said the guy is a nice guy but he keeps telling him the same story about defending him to Michael Powell from the FCC. He said the story is like 10 minutes long and he's heard it like 4 times already.
Howard said that Lipton told him about this story and Lipton basically said he told Powell that he doesn't like Howard Stern but he does defend his right to say whatever he wants. Howard said this chick Stephanie came over to them and he was blown away by how hot she was. Howard said she was a fan so he thinks, in his mind, that he could have banged her. Gary said that is an opening. Howard said that Gary is as sick as he is.
JD said that he went out with another girl this weekend so he's fine. Robin asked how this girl was. JD said that his dating life is kind of complicated. He said that he has talked to this girl before but this was their first date. She was a former stripper at Rick's and he got her number and kept in touch. He said that she's not there anymore though. JD said that she has been with other guys here and there and now she's free. He said he texted her out of the blue and she said she'd go out. Howard asked where they went. JD said they went to some bar.
JD said he didn't remember what he had to drink that night. Robin asked how that's possible. JD said he drinks beer and Jack and Coke so it could have been that. Fred did his impression of JD during that crazy discussion.
Howard asked JD how much the tab was that night. JD said it was like 30 or 40 bucks. He said it wasn't that bad. Howard said JD couldn't have done very well on this IQ test if he can't even remember this stuff.
JD said he went back to this girl's apartment. He said she still strips but not at Rick's. Howard asked if she's white or black. JD laughed and said she's white. Howard asked what's so funny about that. JD said that it was a funny question.
Howard said this girl must have been hot. JD said she has a really hot body. Howard said he's proud of JD. He asked if she had roommates. JD said that the roommate wasn't home. Howard asked how long it took to get into the sex. JD said she told him to stay over if he wanted. He said that was fine so he stayed. Howard asked JD what he did. He said he laid in the bed and they watched a TV show on her computer. He said they watched ''It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia'' and cuddled up together. After that they kissed and one thing led to another.
Howard asked if she undressed herself. JD said she did. He said she has a great body. He said she has average sized boobs and they might be fake. Howard asked if she was great in bed. JD said she was. JD said she blew him. He said she got on all fours too. He said they did 3 or 4 positions. Howard asked if they started out on their backs. JD said she started out on top. Howard said he was probably running on empty from jerking off so much. JD said he didn't jerk off that day.
Howard asked JD how he was able to hold out. JD said he just did. Howard said he would cum as soon as the girl sat on him. He said that would be it for him. Howard asked how many minutes she rocked on his wiener. JD said he didn't know. He said she asked to be fucked doggy style so they did that next. Then that led to missionary. JD said he never came though. He said that's because of the medication he's on. Howard said he must be gay. JD said he's not gay. He said it's the medication. Howard said he has to be gay.
Howard said if you're a man and you're with a woman and don't finish, you must be gay. He said he's going to ask Robert Duvall about that. JD said she didn't cum either. He said she was turned on because she was wet though. He said he was probably in her for 15 minutes or so. Robin asked if he just stopped. JD said this isn't the first time it's happened like that. JD said he can finish when he's with himself but it takes a while. Howard said he was shocked. JD is 30 years old and he didn't finish. Howard asked if she jerked him off. JD said that he felt bad because it was taking forever so he just let her stop.
Howard asked if she smelled. JD said no. JD said that she was fine and it was all him. JD said that he started to over think things and that's what the problem was. JD said they'll see each other again. Howard asked if he apologized for not cumming. JD said they were both fine. He said that he didn't fuck her again even though he slept over. Howard asked if she wanted it. He said that they kissed and stuff.
Howard said he saw that Bobby D was there so he's going to ask him what he thinks about this JD thing. JD said that he really didn't have to do that. Howard said he's going to. He figured that Bobby D always cums when he's with a woman. He said that he's probably cumming right now.
Howard asked JD if this girl likes video games. JD said he doesn't think so. Howard said he has to get Bobby D in there to coach JD. JD said he doesn't need that. Howard said he's happy for JD that he has a girl. He said that he's bummed he didn't cum though. JD said he gets it in his head that he's taking too long so it fucks with his head. He said that he felt sorry for her and he didn't want to keep going. Howard asked if he asked her why she chose him. JD said no. Howard said he had to take a break so he could get to Bobby D.
Howard came back and had Robert Duvall come in. Howard said that the guy is one of the best actors out there. Howard asked Robert if he gets depressed. Duvall said he does but he doesn't go to therapy or anything. Howard said that Robert is a man's man and he might be one of the top 5 actors out there. Howard asked who is better. Duvall said that there are some great black actors like Morgan Freeman and Denzel Washington. He said they're all different and maybe not better than one another.
Howard asked Duvall if he was hit on by a lot of guys. Duvall said he wasn't. Howard said that there are some guys like Mel Gibson who are afraid that he's going to be thought of as gay if he's an actor.
Duvall told a story about going to lunch with Mel Gibson like a year ago and said that he was a really strange guy. Howard and Robert talked about Mel using the N-word and Robert was saying that Howard must use that in his private life. Howard said he doesn't.
Bob asked what went on with this guy JD. Howard said he went out with a stripper the other night. Duvall seemed to know something about his Ashley Dupre date too. Howard had JD come in and told Robert about what happened during his date the other night. He said JD got inside of her and didn't cum. He asked Robert if he's gay. JD laughed. Duvall said that he had a stripper once before he was married. Howard asked if he's ever not cum while being with a chick. Duvall said he must be shy. He didn't want to give him any advice. Howard told Duvall to just tell JD what he has to do. Duvall said that Howard is the one who has to give him advice, not him.
Howard asked Robert if he has any kids. Duvall said he never has. He said that he's still married. He said this new movie, Get Low, is the best movie since The Apostle that he's done according to his wife.
Duvall told Howard that he wanted him to bring his daughter Emily to him. Howard said he's not going to let him date her. He said he loves the guy but he's a freak.
Howard said he asked Robert about this kid JD because Robert was roommates with Dustin Hoffman. He said that he walked in and had sex with this chick that Dustin had at their place once. Duvall said it wasn't sex with both of them. Howard said that Dustin called into the show recently too.
Howard said Robert is in a new movie with Bill Murray and that dude is really strange. He fired his agent and manager and he has an 800 number now. Howard said the guy is so wacky that you don't even know if he'll show up for work. Duvall said that he showed up for work on this new movie. Howard asked if he was hard to get for the movie. Duvall said he was good to work with and he showed up.
Howard and Robert talked about working with Murray and how that worked out. Duvall said it was great. He said he's a producer on the film so he gets some back end money on this thing. Howard said that Duvall must have gotten some good paydays like on The Godfather. Robert said that he got 40 grand for that movie and that was it. Howard asked about the movie and read that they wanted Martin Sheen to be in that role that he had. Howard said that was the studio that wanted that. Robert said that they were looking for some big names for some of the roles.
Howard asked Duvall what his big payday was. Duvall said that he knew that he'd have roles later on in his career. He said the biggest one was Lonesome Dove. He said these days it's tough to get financing for movies because of the economy. He said that movie was more of an emotional payday though.
Duvall said he has a great house in Virginia. He has 360 acres down there. Howard said that his wife is hot too. Robert said she's great. Howard asked if he dances the tango with her. He said she's a great dancer. Robert said he doesn't do that dance. He said that's too physical for him.
Howard asked where De Niro has been at. He asked if he ever calls. Robert said they don't see each other much. He said that he does see Jimmy Caan. He said that he also hangs with Wilfred Brimley. Howard asked where they hang out. Robert said they talk on the phone and go to dinner with Jimmy out in California once in a while.
Howard asked how sex is with him and his wife. Robert told him not to worry about that. Robert asked how sex is with his wife and when he's going to have kids. Howard said he's really afraid of talking about sex. Robert said he's not afraid, it's just none of his business. Howard asked how long they've been together. Robert said it's like 15 years now.
Robert was asking Howard about his 16 year old daughter, Ashley, and saying that he wanted to set her up with someone. Howard asked why he has to do that. He said he should leave his kid out of this.
Robert and Howard talked about going out to the Hampton's and seeing each other at some party out there. Robert said that he goes for the horse show. He said he goes with Jill Rappaport.
Howard said that Robert produced this movie ''Crazy heart'' and he didn't know that. Robert said that there are so many great projects out there and they can't make movies because of money. He said that they want to do this Hatfield's and McCoy's movie but Brad Pitt is controlling it and they can't get the money to make it.
Robert told Howard about how Billy Bob Thornton used to go to the local deli and get a quickie when he'd run out for food. Robert said he did that when he was with other chicks. He's not sure if he did that with Angelina Jolie when he was with her.
Howard asked Robert if he gets any on the side. Robert said he doesn't do that. Howard said he has a list of women that he's been with. Robert was married four times. Howard said he was with Ellen Barkin. Robert said he was never in love with her. He said he never uses the L-word. Howard asked if he nailed her in a shower. Robert said he never said that, Howard did.
Robert asked Howard if he would have a threesome with Ashley Dupre and Spitzer. Howard said he wouldn't but maybe JD would.
Howard said he was surprised that Robert was supporting Sarah Palin. Duvall said that she's much smarter than they think she is. He said that she's the governor of her state. Howard and Robin said that it's just Alaska though.
Howard asked if it's true that he's related to Obama in some way. Robert said that's what they say. He didn't seem to know how though.
Howard said that Robert has this new movie out called ''Get Low.'' Howard asked if they have Spider-Man in it. Robert said they don't. Howard said that's what he'd like to see. Howard asked if he'd ever do one of these blockbuster movies. He said he would if they'd give him the part. He said that they have a lot of movie roles for him but there's no money out there right now.
Howard wondered how Robert remembers all of his lines. Robert said that it wasn't too bad back in the day but these days it's not so easy. He said his parents pushed him into the business. He said he liked it so he stuck with it. Robert also talked about being in the army and how that went.
Howard asked if Joaquin Phoenix is as crazy as he appears. Robert said that he was a little nutty but he's a great guy. Howard read that Joaquin would try to kiss him on the lips to make him mad in the scene they shot. Robert said that wasn't true. He said that he can be mad if they want him to be mad without someone kissing him on the lips.
Howard read that Robert was upset with Tom Cruise for not putting him in ''Valkyrie.'' Robert said it wasn't with Tom Cruise. He thinks that he could have played a part in the movie but that would be the director who would put him in a role.
Howard said that Robert Duvall is the greatest. He said no one is better than him. He gave him some plugs for his movie ''Get Low'' which opens on July 30th. Duvall said that this is a very special movie and they won't be doing a remake of this one in 10 years.
Duvall asked Howard if he's lost weight. Howard said he's about the same. Duvall seemed to think that he was too thin. Duvall asked how things are with his wife. Howard said they had sex two times over the weekend. He said it was good.
Duvall said that he saw Howard covering up the hair on his chest when they were at the pool together once. Howard said that never happened and he's making up stories. Howard said he wouldn't cover up the hair on his chest.
Duvall asked what happened to that stuttering guy on the show. Howard said Stuttering John is on the Tonight Show. Duvall was talking about Hank the Dwarf though. Howard said he did die. Duvall thought that Hank looked kind of like a little Howard Stern.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about a role Mr. Duvall played in a 1960s movie. He said that he wanted to know if Steve McQueen's reputation was as bad as they said. Robert said he didn't hang out with Steve McQueen. He said he was too busy learning to play tennis to hang with the guy. Howard asked if Robert ever got high. Robert said ''not really.'' Howard said that means he must have. Howard said he did acid himself. He said he felt it was almost the end of his life when he did acid. Howard said he bought the LSD and took all four himself. He didn't know he was supposed to take just one. He said that he hallucinated and saw some weird stuff. He said it really freaked him out.
Robert told Howard that he kept busy with hobbies to stay away from the drugs. He said he played tennis and was into the horses.
Another caller said that he heard that Tommy Lee Jones was an asshole. Howard asked if that was true. Robert said he was fine and they got along great but he's heard stories. He said he heard that he doesn't get along with his neighbors. He got along with him just fine though.
Robert told Howard he was obsessed with soccer. Howard said it's a stupid sport. He said it's boring too. Robert said that they're the most skilled athletes in the world. Howard said they can't even use their hands. Howard said they should be allowed to use their hands. Howard said he doesn't like that soccer.
Robert said he'd like to play against Howard in some sports. He said he played in some Super Stars event and won everything. He said he won it with the actors he played with.
Howard told Gary to bring in a wrestling mat so he and Mr. Duvall could wrestle. Duvall said he'd pin him. He told him that he could have JD come in and wrestle with him.
Howard found out that Robert didn't like ''The messenger.'' He said that the movie of the decade for him was ''Hurt Locker. He said that there was too much over acting in ''The Messenger.'' Robert said that ''The Hurt Locker'' was amazing and the movie of the decade. Howard asked who was overacting in ''The Messenger.''
Duvall's phone rang in the middle of the interview so Howard told him to go ahead an answer it. It twas his wife but Robert said she hung up on him after he told her that he was still doing the interview.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Duvall was great in an old movie with Angie Dickinson but Duvall didn't even remember the role. Howard let that guy go and took another call.
The next caller said that Duvall in The Apostle is amazing and it made him want to convert. They spent a minute on that. Robert told Howard he has to talk to him in private after the interview. Howard wondered what he was going to talk about. Robert just said that it was something private.
Howard wrapped up with Duvall and gave him some more plugs for his movie ''Get Low.'' Robert said that he has some great parts out there to do but they have to get money to make these movies. Howard was still wondering what he had to talk to him about. He'd have to wait until the break to find out. Howard and Robert spent another minute talking about the movie before they went to break.
Howard came back and said he didn't see Paul do that in concert when he saw him. Fred said this was from something called Tripping the Light Fantastic and he's not sure when it was recorded. Howard said he didn't think that Paul would do a jam like he was in that song. He said he hates jamming. He said he likes a tight version. Robin said she loves jamming.
Howard found out this song was from 1990. He said he had enough of it by then though. Robin said she finds it magical when musicians can improvise like that. Howard said it's self indulgent and it goes on and on. He said it's like a movie where they let a scene go on too long. It's a waste of time.
Howard said that Bobby D was great. He told the story about going to the Four Seasons Hotel out in Los Angeles and how he went over to say hi to Robert. He said they had a nice conversation and he went back to read. He said that Robert has made up this whole story that didn't happen. He really doesn't know what he's talking about.
Howard said they have so much going on. He took a call from a guy who said he thought Duvall seemed to come off thinking that Howard was kind of creepy or something. Howard said the guy is funny. Robin said she thinks that he likes Howard.
Wheels called in and asked what he thinks about Jenny McCarthy getting a show with Oprah's company. Howard said he knows a lot of people who have contracts with her and they hold them exclusively with her production company and they never get on the air. Howard said they do development deals and they don't go anywhere. He said a lot of people may not sign with her because they don't think they'll ever make their shows.
Howard said he thinks that Jenny is very pretty and a lot of women wouldn't be able to relate to her. He said she's got an uphill battle to do a show. He said that it's going to be tough for other women to relate and that's going to make it tough.
Wheels asked Howard if he thinks that Jenny is upset with him for dogging her a bit when she was with Jim. Howard said he didn't dog her. He said that she just stopped doing his show when she got together with Jim Carrey. He said that she's the one who stopped doing his show and she's trying to be something she's not. He said she isn't like these people she's trying to be.
Howard had some audio of Steve talking about himself on the Wrap Up Show last week. Steve was talking about how he was kind of upset that he was the only person at work when Howard invited ''everyone'' from work out there. Howard said it wasn't everyone. It was just a few guys. He said it wasn't a staff party or anything.
Howard said he can't even have a few guys over for a night. He said everyone else gets upset. Howard played more of the audio and that led to Gary talking about how Scott the Engineer got upset that he wasn't invited too. Howard said that he likes Scott but it wasn't a work thing. He said he wanted to get together with some of his friends and co-workers. Gary said he had Tom Chiusano out there and Scott was upset about that. Howard said he's friendlier with Tom than he is with Scott.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that JD probably isn't gay because he was able to get hard for that stripper. She also said that the rest of the guys there are bitches for complaining about not being invited over. Howard said he knows. He thanked her for pointing that out.
Howard said he had some tape of this guy Alvin Green talking to the NAACP about his run for senate. He was reading and not doing a very good job of it. He was using cliché after cliché about various things while he was making this speech. He was repeating himself and sounded like he was a 4th grader reading. Howard said the guy wasn't doing well.
Howard said that went on and on. He said the audience was clapping after everything he was saying at one point. He thinks that they were just trying to end it. Howard played another clip where they were applauding him for talking about how we need education for our kids and things like that.
Howard played more of the speech and pointed out how dopey this guy sounded. Green had trouble getting through his speech like even he didn't understand what he was talking about.
Howard goofed on Green's speech and made up some of his own stuff. He let more of the audio play where Green gives out his web site information. Howard said he loves this guy. He said he was reading about how he had actually suggested making action figures of himself to create jobs. Howard said that was true, he wasn't making that up. Howard made up some more stuff Green could have said to get the applause at the speech.
Howard said they had Jim Breuer do this special for Howard TV. He said that Doug sent him some audio of some of the stuff Jim did for the show and it's really funny. He said the guy is fantastic. Someone should put him in a movie. Howard said he might have to write something for him. Howard said the guy is really funny.
Steve said that Lisa G is going to have a special platform and interview area for ''Dinner for Schmucks'' tonight.
Steve said they also have a story about High Pitch Eric and Ivy Supersonic getting a job pitching some products that Eric had turned down last week. Steve said they have some updates about the FCC ruling about fleeting expletives too.
Howard said that the Howard TV guys say that Gary is going to have a beaver dam that he can pull his gadgets from for the Techno Beaver segment.
Jon Hein came in and ran down his Wrap Up Show preview. He brought up the Robert Duvall secret discussion thing but Howard said he never told him that secret. There were too many people around. Howard said that Duvall was mixing it up with JD on his way out of there. He said he felt kind of bad for JD about not being able to drop his load with that chick.
Howard said it's sad but she's making more than Bobby D at this point. The caller asked Howard if they're going to Autotune the Mel Gibson tapes. Howard said that Dan the Song Parody Man worked on some good stuff. He played some of the songs that Dan created using those Mel tapes. Howard had a few examples of Dan's work and they were great. Howard said that there are some that they need some more work on but they were good.
Robin read that Mel Gibson may be leaving the U.S. to go back to Australia. Robin said that he might want to get away from all of these stories that are being told.
Robin read a story about how people let themselves go when they get married. She said that women tolerate it more than men do though. Robin said that they found that women are most upset by man boobs. Howard said that's what Jason did when he got married. He joked that Jason wears a bra though. Robin said the other thing is excessive pubic hair. Howard said he started growing his back and Beth complained. He said he had to shave it down again. Robin said that underdeveloped shoulders and arms, a hairy back, beer belly, gross teeth and other things were things that women complain about. Howard said Gary claims that he's never shaved his pubes before. Gary said he never looks at his bush so he's not sure if it's a bad bush or not.
Gary said he's sure that the rest of the guys there don't groom. He was wrong about that. Everyone else there grooms except him and Jon Hein.
Robin read that Zsa Zsa Gabor broke her hip over the weekend so she has to have surgery this morning. Robin read that they're worried about her because she's 93 years old now and it's going to be very hard on her.
Robin read about a toddler who is going to have chemotherapy done and that they're going to take one of her ovaries out so she can save it until she's older so they can implant it so maybe she can have kids some day.
Robin read that Paris Hilton was caught with pot at a World Cup game and now in France she was caught on a private jet with more. She was released because of the small amount she had.
Robin read about the very warm weather across the United States the past couple of weeks. She read about some people who have been hospitalized because of the heat.
Robin read about a man who got second degree burns on his feet just from walking on the sidewalk in Phoenix because of the heat.
Robin read about the BP oil leak and how they capped it. Now they say that there may be seepage from the Gulf floor near the well. Howard did a live commercial and went to another commercial break after that.
After the break Howard came right back but did another live commercial read since Robin wasn't there. Robin came back and got into some more news. She had a story about one of Osama Bin Laden's son's asking for some of his siblings to be released from Iran. Robin read that the younger bin Laden says that his relatives have done nothing wrong. Robin said it must be a nightmare having to carry around a name like that.
Robin read about how the Lockerbie bomber has been released because of his doctors saying that he only had 3 months to live. Now they say he could live for another decade and they want him locked up again.
Robin read that a guy who tried to kill a police officer in Oakland county California was dressed in body armor. She read about what happened and how the guy lived because of that body armor.
Robin read a story about the Tea Party and how some people believe they keep people out of the party based on their color. The Tea Party had a response to that so Robin had the audio of that to play.
Howard said that the record business has really changed. He said he saw that Sheryl Crow is selling her album on QVC today. He said that you have to find a whole new way to distribute these things. Gary said that Carly Simon did the same thing with her last album.
Howard said that he was reading about how cell phones can lower a man's sperm count. He read that story and said that he knew something was up. He said he's not worried about his sperm count but he'd like to know what else is going on with those phones. Howard said that some of the guys who are really chatty on the phones are kind of effeminate so maybe their sperm counts would be lower to begin with. Howard said he hates talking on the phone. He said he will only spend time on the phone with his wife or kids. He said he never makes smiley faces when he texts either.
Robin said she read a story about a woman up in Massachusetts that was still getting alimony after like 20 years of divorce. She had been with other guys and their kids were fully grown. She went to court and had the $65 a week alimony raised to something like $700. Howard said that sounds insane to him.
Robin read about HIV cases and how there's been a decline in the number of cases.
Robin also read a story about Wesley Snipes having to do some time for felony tax charges. Robin said that he may have to do 3 years but people rarely do their full time when it comes to something like that. Howard said you never fuck with your taxes because you're screwed if you get caught.
Robin read that ''Inception'' made $60 million this weekend. Howard said he thought that Titanic did really well but some people are saying that this movie was his biggest opening ever. Howard said that the guy does good movies and he's a good actor too. He said that ''Inception'' was a good movie too. Robin said she has to see it again. Robin read about some of the other movies and their box office takes too.
Robin read about the British Open and how Tiger Woods still hasn't won anything this year. Howard said he must be freaked out still. Robin said he may be. She had some audio of him talking about the Open. Howard said they say that golf is a mental game and that guy is mental. He wondered if Tiger was banging any sluts now. Robin said that he probably wouldn't stop now that he's not married.
Robin had Howard play some of the audio of the Jersey Shore opening theme music as she read a story about how some of the cast of the show are refusing to film the third season of the show until they get paid. Howard said that he can't go any further than that awful theme song. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:25am.
Scott said he thinks he did okay in the test. He said that he thinks he did well with the special stuff. Gary asked if he got all of the blocks. Scott said he did. He said he doesn't think Sal would do very well there. He may not do well in the general knowledge stuff either.
Gary said he thinks that he doesn't think that Sal could get more than 2 out of the 15 questions right. He said they're not tricky either. They're just questions that Sal wouldn't know. Gary said they are going to have the doctor on the phone to tell them about the different parts of the test. Gary said that they need that doctor to interpret the tests for them. He said he's pretty sure that Sal will have the lowest score of anyone in that one part.
Scott said that the doctor told him that he did very well and he may have said something about it being above average.
Gary said that he was wondering if the test was weighted for age. He said the doctor said it wasn't because your IQ doesn't really change with age. Gary said that the questions are either right or wrong too so they're not weighted in any way.
JD came in and said that he heard ''can you elaborate'' a lot during the test. Gary said he got the same thing. Scott said he did too. Gary said that they say the test is supposed to be objective but there is clearly room there to judge. He said that there are parts where they ask how words are alike and he was counting letters and things like that. He was going way overboard according to JD.
Jason said he felt pressure over the whole thing. He said it was tough. Scott said there were some challenging parts in the test. He said that the number thing where the guy would say numbers and you had to repeat them were tough. Gary said he closed his eyes and put the number in pairs and used some association with them.
Gary asked Scott what he has to be mad about. Scott said that Gary singled him out and not everyone else who was involved. Gary said that Scott was in charge though. Scott said that Doug is the guy who is in charge. Gary said he had the conversation with Scott though and he's the one in charge.
Jon said he didn't want to go too far down this road again but he thinks that Scott should be pissed at Doug. Scott said he is. He said he's very pissed at him. Scott said that Doug told him that he tried to talk to Gary saying that he was the culprit but Gary didn't ant to hear it. Gary said that Doug is lying then.
Scott said he wants to tell Gary the facts. Gary said he doesn't care to hear them. He said that he doesn't want to hear the rest of his story because this is their show and he doesn't want it on this show.
Jon asked Scott if he felt that Gary asked Howard not to have him out to his place. Scott said he didn't. He said he gets why Howard wouldn't want two guys fighting at his party.
Scott said that Will asked him if he was invited to Howard's place. He said he heard about who was invited and he didn't really care. Then Doug called him and asked if he was invited. He got pissed at Doug because he was the one who caused all of this stuff to happen with him and Gary.
The guys talked about how Scott the Engineer wasn't invited. Jason asked Scott if he's pissed he wasn't invited and Doug was. Scott said he wasn't upset with Howard. He said he is pissed at Doug for letting him take the whole wrap for it. Gary said that Scott was the one who had the conversation with him though. He said Doug had nothing to do with that.
Scott the Engineer came in and said that he wasn't mad that he wasn't invited. He said he was kind of surprised to see that Tom Chiusano was invited though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary has been a whiny bitch over the past year or so. He said that he's begging for people to suck him off there. Gary said that he isn't looking for people to suck him off there. He and the caller went back and forth on that stuff for a short time.
Jon took a call from another caller who asked about what happened with Gary and the Twitter problems he had. Gary said there were some things said that upset him and it was all done in 140 characters.
Jon asked JD if he's going to try and get off of the Zoloft stuff so maybe he can cum. JD said he was thinking about getting off of it anyway.
A caller asked JD if he was drinking that night. JD said he was. The caller said that he can't do that. He said he has to lay off of the jerking off too.
The caller said that this show is the best show ever. He said it's going to be sad if they leave. He asked if they know if SIRIUS is pursuing him or not. Gary said no one knows. The guy said that they could put Howard on at 7 and it would be fine. He said there's nothing else to listen to anyway. The caller said that he's done with SIRIUS if they don't keep Howard there. He said everything they do there is great and he'd love to have them keep it there.
Gary said that he had to do a lot of driving the past two weekends and he's been listening to the shows on the two channels and he thinks it's great. He said it's [pretty awesome to have that service available. The caller said it is but Howard has to stay.
Jon played some audio of Howard telling JD that he must be gay for not being able to finish with that chick.
Jon asked Jason if he has had problems like that too. Jason said he has. He said that he had to take Viagra because he had trouble keeping it up. He said that it stays in your head too so next time it might be worse. He said the good thing is that the drugs make it so you just don't care if you cum or not.
Jason said that this sounds like it was a booty call the way he made it happen. Jon asked JD how he feels that Howard has taken him under his wing. JD said it's alright. He said he's not sure how to answer that. JD said he just doesn't want to talk about this stuff with his family.
Jon took a call from a guy who is also on Zoloft. He said he had crazy anxiety like JD did. He said that the stuff can delay you but it wouldn't stop him from cumming. He said that being with a stripper should override that problem.
The caller also asked if they would ever come out with a box set for the History of Howard Stern or not. Gary said he's not sure. He said the latest History is going to be the best one yet. He said that Jason Alexander came and recorded some stuff for them just last week. He said they'll have Robert Duvall record some stuff too.
The guys spent a few minutes going over Duvall's movie history and talked about some of the great things he's been in.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he can't believe that they didn't ask Duvall about Mel Gibson. Jon said he actually did.
The caller also asked how JD met the stripper and how he didn't shoot a load. JD told the guy to leave him alone. The caller said that if he's with a new chick then he'd cum. Jason said she did blow him and maybe when he jerks off next time, he'll think about that and cum. That's the next best thing.
Another caller said that Duvall is a great guest and he's done some other great interviews with Howard in the past.
Jon asked JD about being a film fan and if he liked spending time with Robert Duvall. JD said he really wanted to be his punch line all day long. Jason said that it was cool to hear his name coming out of Duvall's mouth. JD didn't seem so impressed. Jason said he'd be thrilled if someone like that knew who he was.
Jon took another call from a guy who brought up the JD date thing again. JD said he should have just said he came all over the chick's tits or something and not admitted that he couldn't cum. They had to go to break a short time later.
Gary told Steve that he's the one with the big ego. Steve said that's a shame. He said that Gary doesn't seem to be a very good researcher either. He said he would have known that he was on VH1 if he was. Gary told him that Will and Steve Brandano do research. He said that it doesn't mean they don't like him, it just means they don't think he'd be a good guest.
Steve said that he's had a couple of publicists who think it would be a good thing to have him on the show because he has more followers than Gary does on Twitter. Gary said if he went out on the street and asked people on the street and asked if they knew who he was, they wouldn't know. He said he bets that 9 out of 10 wouldn't know.
Gary said that he has been pitched at meetings and he's been turned down. He asked how he feels about that. Steve said he's fine with that. Gary said he can't get certain people on the show and they're not going to live or die with or without him on the show.
Gary and Steve went back and forth arguing about this and Gary said that this guy is very egotistical. Steve said they had one of the Miss Howard TV girls on Tough Love. He was going on and on and Gary said that he was already boring the hell out of him and the audience so he was going to have to cut him off.
Jason came in with some information about his show and how it has about 1.2 million viewers. Gary said that's very good for a cable show. They let Steve go after that.
The guys talked about how he was basically saying that Gary was holding the show back by not booking him on the Stern Show. That's a huge ego right there.
Gary said that he didn't even know that Howard was moving to satellite radio until Howard said it on the radio. He said he found out the same way the audience found out. He said even Robin found out that way.
Jon brought up this Habbad thing that Howard went to with Sandra Bullock. Jason and Jon weren't quite clear on exactly what a Habbad was but they said they think it's a house of worship for the Hasidic Jews.
Jon said that Howard did get something out of it and he felt soothed by the whole experience. Gary said that he and his wife are pretty much non-believers but when you come into these tough situations you might change your thoughts. He said he tried to go to church after 9/11 and everyone was there. He said he still didn't buy into the whole thing even then.
Jason said that you go to temple and people are not all shiny and nice when you go. He said that they're just as mean at church as they are outside of church.
A caller asked if they think that Howard will become more religious when his parents pass away. Gary said he's not sure but those kind of things can change you.
The caller said he was made more spiritual when his parents passed away. He said that he thought he'd have more communication with them by being more spiritual.
Jon talked about how Howard wasn't exaggerating about the way they separate the men and women there at these Habbad things. Jason said he went to one of these Habbad things once when he was going to Rutgers. He said that it was like a cult in there. He said that it was a bunch of men and it smelled bad and it was all sweaty. He said they put him up on stage and he had to put his hand on someone's head or something. He said he felt like he was in an episode of Star Trek or something.
Jon took a call from a guy who explained what the Habbad thing was. He said that they don't treat women less, they keep them away because of their beauty and it helps the men concentrate on studying. Jason said that they're just like the Muslims putting women in birkas. The caller said that it's not like that. He said they treat them very well.
The caller said he suffered the loss of a child a few years ago and they provided meals for his family and they were wonderful people.
Gary said that when his brother got sick, he went to the church and figured that he could get some help there. He said that he didn't find that faith when he went though. Gary said that he didn't even seek out a priest. He said he went to the church and a mass just to see if it rekindled anything in him. Jason explained to Gary what it was supposed to be about and it was very freeing to give yourself over to religion.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he has gone to a synagogue for about 10 years and he has heard the explanation about why women are not in the same room. He said that they're on a higher plain and they don't need to be doing the same things that the men are doing. Jason said that's not true and the women he knew who were in the Hasidic neighborhood that he lived in were not treated like they were on a higher plain.
Jon said he wanted to steer this whole discussion back to where they were going. He asked Gary if he thinks that Howard will go back. Gary said he doesn't think he will but you never know. He said people do change. Jason said he thinks that he might go back.
Jason said that sometimes he just looks down there and it's all sweaty and he just wants to clean it up a bit. Gary asked if it would help if he shaved down for his running. Jason said ''I don't know, I've never run in my life.'' That got a few laughs from the guys.
Jon moved on to talk about the story Howard told about James Lipton and the hot chick that came up to them during the discussion. Howard had said that he thought he could have banged that chick just based on that. Jason said he had a chick who freaked out when she found out he worked on the show. He said he had no game and wasn't able to make anything happen but you do get it in your head that something could happen.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the JD date. Jason said that it seemed like JD couldn't wait to get that story out today.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary was being an asshole to Steve earlier. Gary asked why that was. The caller said that you have to respect that guy for saying that he does his show because of what Howard does on his show. Gary said there are a lot of people who would say that. He can't book them all on the show. He said that would be like putting just anyone on the show. He said they do take that into account when they book guests but that's not the be all and end all.
Jason said that Gary isn't the only person who decides on guests. He said that Howard is the final word on that. Gary said he'll pitch guests to Howard and he'll turn them down all the time. He said that the turns down a lot of people he backs up too. Gary said there was no way he could have talked them into booking that guy Steve on the show.
Another caller who brought up the stripper story and said that he thinks that JD might get quality over quantity. Jason said it's definitely quality over quantity.
The guys spent a little more time talking about Robert Duvall. They were going over some more of his movies and TV appearances and how great he is.
A caller said that he's been shaving his private parts for a while now but he can't stop. He said he wishes he had never started. Jason said that he only does it like once a month. He said he only does it when he notices it. Jason said he starts with scissors and then brings it down to something less bushy. Gary said that Jason is very hairy so he pictures it as being a bulls eye down there.
Another caller asked how many guests will turn on them and say that they never liked their show and they only used it to promote stuff. Gary said that might happen with a couple. He said no one comes to mind. He said it could happen though. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about Angelina Jolie's new movie ''Salt'' that he saw in the paper. Howard said it got 4 stars in the paper this morning. Robin said it was originally a film written for Tom Cruise.
Howard said there was also a picture of Katy Perry in a bikini in the paper. He said that was big news to him. He said he doesn't want to read about himself in the paper so anyone else is fine.
Howard said he's not working out lately. He started to get a scratchy throat and he had to stop working out for a little while. Robin asked what he did wrong. Howard said he thinks that his friends run too fast and he gets blown out. He said he has to slow down and his age might be getting to him. He said he has to just do his own thing. Howard said he was having some trouble sleeping the week before so that might have had to do with it too. Robin asked when the blow out happened. Howard said it was the day after the run with his friends last week.
Howard said he went out to dinner with his daughter last night to Ocean Grille. He said they hung out and talked about some stuff. He said she's having a good summer and all of the kids are doing well. Robin asked why she's not in camp. He said she isn't a camp person. He said last year she went to Italy and loved that. This summer she was at a college program. He would have hated that when he was her age.
Howard said his daughter is taking college courses and she likes learning so that's nice. He said all three if his kids aren't a headache so he's lucky. He said his youngest is going to be a senior in high school this year. He said he's happy for her but it makes him sad seeing her grow up.
Howard said he went home and watched The Real L Word. He said he watched the first one and didn't like it. He said it was ridiculous. Then Beth kept watching the show. He said he heard about it and got sucked back into it. He said last night's episode was pretty good. He said one of the girls was go go dancing and then they went home and made love in the shower. He said he saw some tittie so he was happy about that.
Howard said Beth wasn't home again last night. She was out doing some kind of race out on Long Island. He said she was doing this three hour thing where she had to do running, biking and kayaking. Now he thinks she's going to be blown out and she'll get sick. He said he couldn't believe she was out doing all of that and not home with him.
Howard said Beth told him that a thunderstorm came and they kept riding their bikes. Howard said she was riding her bike in flip flops. He said this thing kind of came out of the blue too. He said he's not sure how it came about but it was 6 women all doing it. He said he's suddenly married to Lance Armstrong. Howard wondered why she was doing it and not just doing a regular workout. He said he's learned that everyone has to have their own life though.
Howard said he was on his own yesterday and he's getting into The Real L Word. He said that they're just as boring as any other reality show though. He said that might be good for them. He said that they cheat on each other and do things just like any other couple.
Howard said the one thing is that heterosexual sex might be better than lesbian sex. He said that he can finish with his junk. He said that you don't know when a lesbian is done. Howard said that there are a lot of questions there when lesbians are having sex. He said that when you're with a woman you'd be licking her and you never know when they're done. Howard said they talk about fucking and he's not sure what they're doing. Robin said she wouldn't want a piece of plastic either. Howard said he as going to watch America's Got Talent because he's so far behind but he didn't get to it.
Robin said that she was getting bitten by bugs in her bed so she's been having problems. Howard said that ever since they got rid of DDT they have all of these bedbugs and stuff around. He said they have to bring that back so they can do away with these things. Howard said they're a big problem at hotels around the country. He said you can bring them home with you too.
Howard said he would like to campaign to bring back DDT so they can get rid of these bedbugs. There's an epidemic of bedbugs and they have to get rid of them. He said DDT is the best way to do that. Howard said he was reading about that in the NY Times. He said they're pests and you have to be careful. He said Robin is running around all over the world and she's going to get bitten up. Robin said she has some bites on her arms. She had to put Off on her arms to get some sleep last night. Howard said she should bring in a dog into her house because they sniff out the bugs.
Robin said she was only bitten on her arms so it's something outside of the bed. Inside the bed is fine. Howard said he was reading about how much of a problem these things are and how Abercrombie and Fitch had to close two stores because of bedbugs.
Howard said he uses a peppermint spray to get rid of ticks at their house. He said that chases the ticks away to a degree. He said it's not 100 percent but he'd rather do that than have chemicals. He said that the DDT wouldn't be so bad if you use just a little bit of it though.
Howard played another clip of a woman saying that she would jump because Howard Stern has a filthy mouth all the time. Robin said that's not right. Howard said that woman was picking Mel over him. He said that's just not right. Robin thinks that these women are full of it. She thinks that they would all go out with Mel Gibson and they'd be charmed by Howard.
Howard played another clip where the woman said she would throw Mel off the boat because Howard would make her laugh.
Howard said that he got a lot of positive email about the Dan the Song Parody Man songs that they played yesterday. He played some of those again.
Robin said she was in the airport recently and there was a girl shrieking in the line. Howard said they should throw them in the loony bin when they do that. He said people are nuts. There are just too many people around. Robin said that there was something to that natural selection but these days they keep everyone alive.
Howard said he thinks that they should figure out a way to get a message out to not have so many kids. Robin said it's not too many kids. She said that you want every kid to live but some people aren't equipped to do everything that they want to have them do. Robin said that the woman shrieking in line and this woman on the plane are unable to handle things.
Howard said Richard's dad called and left Richard a message. He said the amazing thing is how different his life is from theirs. He said he loves this message. In the clip Richard's dad says that he's been out eating wild grapes and wild peaches and things like that. He told Richard about catching fish and things like that too. Howard said it sounds like they don't have to pay for anything out there. He just goes out and picks it or catches it all himself.
Howard said he wouldn't be able to find anything natural himself if he had to. He said he wouldn't know what was safe to eat or not. He'd be dead in two days if he was stuck in the woods. Richard's dad would be fine.
Robin said the weather there is going to be in the 90s and they were asking the Con Ed people if they were prepared for the power to go out. Robin said that Richard's dad probably isn't even on the grid out there where they live. Howard said he should go out there and learn how to do all of this stuff so he can survive. Robin said he probably carries around knives and stuff.
Howard said he'd like to learn stuff but then he gets something like this camera he got from Beezid.com and he doesn't know how to use it. Howard said he was going to give it to Beth but then he figured he'd be the one using it. Howard said he feels that he's going to use it all the time but he probably won't. He said that he ends up using his Blackberry instead. Howard said he has this great little camera but he just stares at it instead of just using it. He figures it's too complicated for him. He said he's so obsessed with chess that he just plays that instead of messing with the camera.
Howard said he wanted to do some nude shots of Beth but Beth doesn't want him doing that. He said that she's seen what happens to those pictures. She knows they'll end up on the web. Howard said she wants him to take pictures of the cat and the dog. Howard said he has a shot of Beth making out with the dog and her ass is hanging out. He said he has all kinds of shots like that.
Robin said she was in London and she took some pictures of the boxing ring they had at this play. They told her to erase her pictures. She said that they asked her to delete them and had to watch as she did it. Luckily she had already sent them to someone. Robin said they were on her camera phone anyway so they weren't going to be good shots.
Howard said that the worst thing that could happen is that someone might get interested in seeing that play. Robin said the play was called ''Sucker Punch.'' She said it's not like it was that special. It was just a boxing ring. Howard said that he's going to have to bring that up at the psychiatrist today because he's so angry about that. Howard said they had to embarrass her about that for no good reason. He said everything makes him nuts.
Howard said when Gary's father got old and sick he videotaped them to get some family history. Howard said he doesn't think that his history is that important to preserve. He said that they're not known for anything.
Robin said her father was left on a doorstep. She said that they brought him to a black community and left him on the doorstep. She said that he looked white and that's why they did that. Robin said that this woman took him in. She said that was the family history on her father's side.
Howard said that his mom's grandfather had a family in Europe and he came to America and left the family behind and had another family here. Howard said that the rest of the family was killed in the Holocaust. Howard said that his mother's mother survived and then they named him after this guy. Howard said that the guy sounds like the shittiest fucking guy.
Howard said his grandmother hated this guy too. Howard said that this is the guy he's named after. He said there's some crazy shit in these families. Howard said he's not sure why they'd name him after a guy like that. Robin said that does sound bizarre.
Howard said he should get this stuff on tape. He said he doesn't think that his mom would like that. He said she was interviewed for his book by Ratso and she didn't like it. Howard said she might tell him under protest but Ratso was another story. Howard said they might think that they're dying if he interviews them like that too.
Howard said Gary did that. Gary came in and said he's glad he did it but it was weird. He said his father wasn't sick at the time but he could tell that he bummed him out a little bit. Robin said that her father was getting Alzheimer's and he didn't even know what was going on. He didn't even recognize himself on screen when she showed him the tape.
Gary said his father got choked up over something while he was telling him the history. He said he was stirring up emotions and stuff. That was kind of tough. He said they just watched it with the kids recently and he was glad that he had it. Howard told Gary to go over to his parents and interview them. Gary said they must have a lot of tape of them from Howard TV. Howard said that's not the same thing.
Robin said her parents liked watching that stuff that she taped. Gary said his mom liked watching it when she watched it too. Howard said that would make him sad. Gary said it is sad but it's also nice to have it around.
Howard said maybe his sister could do that. He said he'll be the one who ends up doing it. He said he's the one who does everything.
Another caller said that Howard complains about the fans going off on him but then he talks about taking free stuff. Howard said he told Beth that he got it for free. He said he didn't give it to her like he bought it just for her. The caller said that maybe someone there could benefit from that gift. Howard said he gives stuff to the other guys most of the time. He asked what the guy was trying to accuse him of. The caller said he's just jealous. Howard said he's sorry he got a gift. That happens once in a while. Howard said he had to hang up on that guy too. He said he was another nut. Howard said he was trying to find a camera for his wife and they just happened to give him the camera so he gave it to Beth. He didn't get what the problem was.
Another caller said he has a daughter about the same age as Howard's and he has the same feelings about his kid going away to college. The caller also brought up America's Got Talent and this kid was doing a show and Dee Snider came out and sang on the show with he kid. He asked Howard if he knew about that. Howard said that was the first he was hearing of it. He hasn't spoken to Dee about it. Howard wondered what was going on today. He wanted to go home. He didn't like the way things were going this morning.
Howard said High Pitch Eric is coming in today. He said that Eric has some stuff going on in his life that he wants to give them an update on. They have a new Miss Howard TV too. He said that this one is some good looking girl. He said that she's got a great body. Howard said there are so many girls running around with perfect bodies.
Howard asked who found this girl. Mike Gange came in and said that this girl runs a horse farm and she's also a bartender. He said that she's kind of short but she's really thin. He said that she might be anorexic thin. Howard said she didn't look like that to him. He said she looks terrific. Gange said she's very cute. He said he's not hitting on her. He said he's trying to get off of that whole thing. He said she is single though.
Howard had the annoying ''love'' caller back on the line. The guy, John, said that he was a little high this morning. Howard asked what he does for a living. John said he doesn't make a living. He's retired from the Navy and he gets his pension from that. He said he gets about $1,400 a month from that. He said his mother just passed away recently too. Howard asked if he was discharged for a mental impairment. He said he wasn't. He said that he has some mental disabilities but they stem from a lot of things that he's held on to from his past.
Howard said this guy is ruining it for him because he thought he was just an annoying caller. Howard asked if he saw any action. John said he did not. He said he went into the service in 1968 and he ended up in Spain. Howard said he kind of ruined it because he's not going to make fun of a service man.
Howard said he was going to let John play a game. John said he didn't call to do that but that was fine. Howard said he'd play a Little Lupe game with him. He gave him a practice question which was ''What president is on the one hundred dollar bill?'' She said George Washington and was wrong. Fred later pointed out that Ben Franklin is on the bill and he wasn't a president. Howard said that was Sal fucking up again. Howard said he's not sure why they let Sal come up with the questions. He said he always makes them look bad. Fred said that they have to be careful with a question like that.
Sal came in and said that Gary screens everything. He said that Gary didn't get a chance to preview this one. Gary said that Sal didn't show him the question but he did hear the clip and he didn't catch that one. Howard said it's good that they did the game but it's bad that Sal fucked up.
Howard played the next question which was ''What is paper made from?'' The caller said that Lupe would not know. She did know it was made from ''the trees.''
The next question was ''What musical instrument has cymbals?'' Fred wanted to throw that question out. He said it wasn't clear. Howard said that cymbals is an instrument. Howard said Sal is a moron. He can't ask a question that's clear. He was annoyed with the caller too because he wouldn't shut up. Howard said they'd just give him the question. Lupe said ''guitar'' to that one.
Howard played the next one which was ''What is menstruation?'' Howard asked John if he knew what it was. John knew. Howard asked if Lupe would know. John said he thinks she will. Lupe said it was something from your pussy. She was kind of right.
Howard played the next question which was ''What company is responsible for the oil spill?'' John said she would know the answer. Howard said there's no way she would know. Lupe said that it was ''Coca Cola.''
Howard said John had to get this last one right to win. The question was ''Where is your sphincter?'' John knew where it was. He said that Lupe would not. Lupe said ''In my ass.'' John got that one wrong. Howard said he didn't win but gave him the money anyway. He said he was annoying the piss out of him but he still gave him the money. Howard said the $711 was from 7-Eleven. Howard put him on hold and talked to Robin about how annoying he was. Robin said he might be a nice guy but ''oof.'' They went to break after that.
Howard came back and had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa came in and Howard asked if she still has that girl dressing her. Lisa said she does and she picked out the outfit she had this morning. Howard said it didn't match. Lisa said that it did. Howard asked if she heard Riley's show last night. Lisa was on the red carpet at the ''Dinner for Schmucks'' movie premiere so she missed it.
Howard said Riley Martin is really into Lisa G. He had some audio clips of Riley talking about her last night on his special show. Riley was saying he has fallen in love with that girl... what's her name? Riley kept calling her ''that baby girl.'' Riley sounded like he may have been a little bit out of it while he talked about that.
Howard asked what's going on. Lisa said she interviews him when he's on probation up there. Howard said he really sounds messed up in that clip. Robin said he was so wasted or maybe he's sick. Howard said he's not sick. He played the clip again and said that he doesn't think of Lisa as ''baby girl.'' Howard asked Lisa if she would go out with him. Lisa said that he's married. Howard asked if she's against black guys. Lisa told him to stop it.
Howard said that whole show is whacked out. Riley sounded pretty funny saying ''Lisa G'' and laughing. He played another clip where Riley was talking to a caller and his wife. Riley said that she was so cute it made his stomach hurt. Riley was sweet talking that woman too. Howard said Riley did some appearance in Atlanta and he thinks that he's just begging people to come down there.
Howard said this was from the 7 o'clock show and not the midnight show. He said he must have been ''sick'' extra early. Howard played more of the clip and Riley was telling these people to show up to his appearance. Howard said he didn't know he was making appearances.
Lisa got to her news preview. She mentioned that she was on the red carpet again. She had a good spot on the red carpet this time. They had them up on a platform this time. Howard said she got all dressed up and she got Steve Carrell and the girl from the movie who is gorgeous. She interviewed Zach Galifinakis and some others. She said she had to rush through them because there were so many there. She said she felt like Ryan Seacrest there.
Lisa told Howard some of the stuff she found out from the stars she interviewed. She talked to Stephanie Szostak who Howard said was smoking hot. Lisa said that she told her about meeting Howard out in the Hampton's and how much of a sweetheart he was. Howard said she should have asked if she would have sex with Howard if she was single. Lisa said she'll ask next time.
Lisa said she spoke to Zach Galifinakis and he said he loves the show and he'd love to come on. She said that he's not an open book though. Lisa said that he has been talking to Gary though. Howard said he's very funny. Lisa said that Steve Carrell likes that Howard has his own news department. She said that Steve used to do radio at college. She said that he used to do mornings there and he would play music. Lisa said he admits that he was terrible and he admires Howard's skill.
Lisa said she spoke to the director of the movie, Jay Roach, and talked to him about being married to Suzanna Hoffs from The Bangles. Howard said she's so fuckin hot. Howard said that guy is peculiar looking like he is. Howard said they're not typical beauties. He spent a couple of minutes talking about how hot Suzanna is. Robin said she saw her recently and she still looks great. Howard wondered how old that guy Jay is. Lisa said she thinks that he's 50 something.
Lisa said that she spoke to Larry Wilmore at the red carpet too. She said that he's a fan of Howard's as well. Lisa said that Benjy Bronk was cutting it close to being late again last week. Lisa said that they were there last Thursday as he entered the studio with only 40 seconds to spare. Howard said he was getting better and he likes that he's not annoying.
Lisa said that he is cutting it close again but Benjy denied it. Howard said as long as he's in before the start of the show he's fine. Howard said he was getting there a half hour early for a while but today he was there at 5:55. He said he knows he'll fuck it up again. Benjy said it does feel better not being in a rush. Howard told him not to fuck it up.
Lisa said that Steve Brandano got some results from his rant on the Wrap Up Show last week. He was asked to sit in on the Thursday programming meeting with Tim Sabean. Howard thanked Lisa for the update and let her go.
Howard said he heard that Steve slept there last night. Steve said they went to the premiere for ''Dinner for Schmucks'' and then to the after party. He said it was really cool so he just crashed in the green room so he could be there to work on time. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he was listening to Riley Martin's show from last night. He said that there were some moments to share. He got distracted by the cold air in the studio though. He said it was too cold in there. He said that he wants them to raise it just a few degrees. Just a hair. Scott the Engineer came in to adjust it. He said he'd raise it like 1 degree.
Howard said Riley signed on to his show and wasn't able to get the date right. He said it was a good show. Howard played the clip and Riley was mumbling and slurring his words as he said the date which was wrong. Riley thanked Tim Sabean, a saint of a man, who gave him another show to do. He said if he had 3 hours of show per week he wouldn't bother Tim anymore. He said he won't bother Tim until 2012 if he gives him that. Howard said they're only there until 2011 so he's not sure how Riley is going to pull that off.
Howard said Riley was shouting out by the end of the show. Someone tried to get him riled up about them but it didn't work. Howard played the clip of the caller trying to get him pissed. Riley said Howard is a joke type guy so he doesn't let it get to him. Riley said that Howard is a guy who likes to screw with people like a porcupine. Riley was slurring his words and had trouble thinking of words.
Howard said Riley got even crazier toward the end of the show. He played another clip where he was giving his shout outs and slurring every name he mentioned. Riley gave shout outs to a bunch of people and to some hotel. He was going on and on as the show was coming to an end. Howard said that went on for like 3 minutes. Howard said the guy wants 3 hours a week and people can barely get through this one hour.
Howard said this is some show. He can't imagine there are more than 100 people listening to the show. Robin said if he had any sense at all he could be a great broadcaster but he has no sense. Howard said the guy has learned nothing. Howard let the clip play through some more as Riley read through his 3 minutes of plugs. Robin figured he was mentioning every listener he has. Howard said he can't imagine that those people are even listening to the show. Howard said that went on all night. He said that he was thanking raw chocolate at one point.
Howard said Eric is the one they should have IQ tested. Robin said she doesn't think that he's retarded. Howard said he's a high functioning adult. He said he's like borderline. Howard asked Gary why they didn't test him. Gary said it didn't come up when they were discussing it.
Eric said that he was in Special Ed in school so he is slow. Howard said they should find out. Eric said he'll find out when he's off next week and he'd take an IQ test. Gary asked if he was busy this week. Eric said he's working Thursday through Sunday. He said he'll find out about next Monday when he gets his schedule.
Howard said KC got an 88 on his IQ test at K-Rock and he was much brighter than Eric. Eric said that he was tested back then and he was found to be smarter than KC. Howard said he heard KC is in the area. He said they should get him in there too.
Eric claims that he graduated high school on time. He said that he had different teachers for Special Ed. Howard asked him what 16 plus 18 is. Eric said he didn't know off the top of his head. Howard told him to take his time. Eric said it was 72. He said he just guessed that. Eric tried to do the math and came up with 27. Howard said he's more in the ball park now. Howard told him to try doing 16 plus 16 and then add 2. Eric said he can't do it off the top of his head. Gary asked if he could do it with a pen and paper. Eric said he could do that. He finally came up with 34 after getting a pen and paper.
Howard asked what other kinds of questions they ask. Gary said he won't know the general knowledge questions. He said they also give a bunch of numbers and they have you repeat them. He gave him 5, 7, 9, 2, 8. Eric repeated them. Howard said he got that one right. Gary said that's the kind of questions they'll have for him. He told Eric to do those same numbers in numerical order. Eric said 2, 5, 7, 9 and 8. He got that wrong.
Gary said they're doing the bit on Thursday next week so Eric would have to take the test before that. Gary said he'll try to get it tomorrow if Eric is available. Eric said he can do it tomorrow afternoon.
Howard took a call from a guy who gave them the rundown of what's considered borderline retarded and what's average in an IQ test. He said that 79 is borderline. He said that 69 and below is cognitively impaired. He said they don't have a ''retarded'' category anymore. Howard said they should test KC for real.
Howard said he thinks that KC would beat Eric. He said Eric has some major problems. Eric said we all do. Gary said he has major problems until he has to con people and get free shit out of them. He said he's not that dumb. When he passes a bad check, is that stupid or smart. Howard said he gets caught though. Robin said that Eric knows that it's a bad check and someone like Wendy the Retard doesn't even know what that is.
Gary asked if it's retarded when someone goes in and asks for a bunch of cell phones that he's never going to pay for. Howard said that's not retarded.
The caller was giving them the rundown of what was smart and not. Gary lowered his expectations for Eric after that. He said he'll guess he's going to get a 78 instead of an 88. Eric asked what kind of questions they'll have on this test. Howard said he'll have to do some shape things and math and things like that. Howard gave him an example and asked what 18 plus 16 is. Eric remembered it was 34.
Eric said he went into a test to help him learn how to get a job. He said that was tough. Robin asked what 18 plus 17 was. Eric said 32. Howard asked again and he said 36 and eventually came up with 35. Howard asked Eric how many hot dogs he has shit out if he ate 28 and shit out 1/4 of them. Eric didn't know until he got some help from Howard and Gary.
Howard told Eric to name a sour food. Eric said ''Jolly Ranchers.'' That got some laughs out of the guys. Howard said he'd love to get a hold of KC. He said that Grillo is another one. Gary said that maybe they should take the slot away from Gary the Retard and give that to Eric. Howard said they should do that. They know Gary the Retard is retarded.
Howard asked Eric what he's doing now. He has a job at the Hard Rock at Yankee Stadium. He said he has to hand out plastic cups so no one walks out with glass bottles. Howard said that they have picture of him with his fingers in the plastic cups. Eric said that's not true. He said he loves that job and he wouldn't do that. Robin said that she wouldn't go into that place if she saw Eric there.
Howard asked Eric where he's living. Eric said he's renting a room in Queens. He said that he found that on CraigsList. Howard said that he can't imagine the guy who would let him move in after everything he's done. Howard said the guy must be wild. Eric said he cleans his room every morning and he keeps it nice. He said he pays his rent and he's doing really good with that whole thing. He doesn't have any pets right now. He said he doesn't need them right now.
Howard asked what he does for a kitchen. Eric said he has a refrigerator in his room and he uses the kitchen to cook for himself. Howard asked about going out to eat at McDonald's. He eats apple pie and milk shakes. He said he eats 2 pies and one shake. That's what a typical lunch is for Eric.
Howard asked Eric what this guy asked him before he took him in as a roommate. Eric said he had to tell him where he worked and things like that.
Howard had Eric stand on the scale to see how fat he was. Howard said the guy is the size of a whale. He said he's hideous and huge. Howard asked him if he knows what he weighs. Howard said he's at 330. Eric thought he was like 290. Howard said he's bigger than ever. He said it's no wonder his heel hurts. Howard said that's amazing. Will came in and looked at the shirt Eric was wearing to see how big it was. Eric said it was like a 4X.
Howard asked Eric if the roommate is a good guy. Eric said he is nice. He said that the place is an apartment in Flushing. He said that the guy is normal too. Howard seemed surprised by that. Howard said that if Frankenstein and Eric showed up at the door, who do you rent to? Robin said it would be Frankenstein.
Howard said it seems that he's getting his life together. He asked who the girl was that came with him this morning. Eric said that's the girl he threatened to kill a few years ago, Laura. Howard had the guys bring her in. Laura came in and told Howard that Eric had threatened to kill her because they stopped hanging out. Howard said she's very attractive. Laura said they met on MySpace and started hanging out. She said they didn't have sex or anything. Howard asked why she would do that. She said she's been a fan of the show since she was 8 years old.
Howard asked how the ''kill you'' thing came up. Laura said they were very good friends and then she met someone and she stopped hanging out with Eric. She said they used to spend the night together in hotel rooms and stuff. Howard said that sleeping in a room with Eric seems more dangerous than skydiving. Laura said that his sneakers used to smell really bad back then and they had to put them outside of the room one time.
Howard asked Eric if he's attracted to Laura. Eric said no. He said they're just friends. Robin said she doesn't get it. Howard said that Laura is pretty cute. He asked Eric if he would be into her if she was into him. Eric said of course he would.
Howard asked if Eric ever saw her change or anything. He said he has not. Then he changed his story and said he has. Howard asked why he threatened to kill her. Eric said he was working construction a few years aback and he told her not to say anything to anyone when he got fired. He said that she told some people and he got upset. Laura said he was threatening to kill her and her family and her animals. Howard asked how he was going to kill her. Eric said he didn't want to say. Laura said that he said that he was going to smash her head on the ground and things like that. She said she knows he doesn't mean it. Laura said that she just broke up with her boyfriend and Eric has been very good to her.
Robin said that this is going to end up the same way it did last time. She said that Eric is now thinking he has a shot with her. Eric said that's not true. Laura said she thinks that she's worried about Eric's heel and what's going on there. She said that she may have to get him to a doctor.
Howard asked Fred if he had the clips of Eric going off on Laura. Fred said he did have them and he wasn't sure if he wanted to play them or not. Laura said that Eric called her a ''dirty Jew'' and things like that. Eric said he's over all of that now. Laura said she was averaging 300-400 messages a day and he was messaging her on Instant Messenger like 600 times a day.
Howard said that Eric must be retarded. He weighs 330 pounds and doesn't know it. He threatens people and calls them Dirty Jews. Howard said the cops aren't going to do anything if she has to complain about him again. Laura said that Eric doesn't mean it. She knows that now.
Eric tried changing subjects by talking about his mom dying. Robin said that's the woman who left him out of her will. Howard said that it looked like he was about to cry. Eric was crying but he denied it. Howard said that maybe his mom isn't dead and she's just hiding. Howard said that Eric was showing some emotion now. Eric said he misses his mom. Howard asked if she's stuffed in his closet or if he dresses up like her. Eric said he doesn't do that. He didn't eat his mom either.
Howard said Eric's mom would like it better if he lost some weight. Laura said he may have lost like 20 pounds. Eric said he may have been up around 350 pounds.
Eric said that girl Angel has been calling him too. Howard said she seemed like a nice girl when she was there. Laura said that she's obsessed with Eric. She writes blogs about him and does some crazy ranting blogs about him that happened like 2 years ago. She said they put these blogs out on the web and it keeps it going even though Eric is trying to ignore it. Howard said that's good that he's ignoring it.
Howard had Fred play some of the messages Eric left for Laura. Eric was yelling and screaming at her and calling her names in all of the calls he'd leave. Eric would call her a ''fuck face Jew lying piece of shit'' and things like that. He threatened to do things to her. Howard said that nobody leaves messages like this on an answering machine. Laura said that Mel Gibson did. Howard said maybe Mel can make a comeback if Eric can.
Laura said that her voice mail was full when Eric would call 300 times a day. She said that she's a very forgiving person.
Howard said Eric has the same bad panther tattoo that Ronnie has. They spent a minute on that before Howard wrapped up with Eric and Laura. Howard said that Eric is back with this girl he threatened and he's paying his rent and being a good roommate. Howard asked if he had anything else to mention. Eric said that he'll take that IQ test. Howard said they have to see if KC can take that test too.
Howard asked Gary if they tested Jeff the Drunk. They did so Howard said he bets that Jeff is smarter than Eric. Laura said he's very annoying though. Howard said he may be but he's probably smarter. Howard said he doesn't think that Eric is smarter but Robin was thinking he could be.
Howard said he thinks that if Eric and Jeff were in the Three Stooges, Jeff would be Moe. Robin said she thinks Eric would be Moe.
Howard asked Eric if they have to tell him not to annoy people at work. Eric said he doesn't do that and they don't have to tell him that. He said he's willing to do whatever he has to do at that job. He said he's hoping to move to the Times Square location when he's done with the season at Yankee Stadium.
Howard said Laura is a cute girl and she's got a good job. He said that if she gets a boyfriend there's no way she's going to want Eric hanging around. Laura said that her previous boyfriend wasn't too happy when Eric started threatening her.
Laura said that she's very hurt that her boyfriend is gone. She said she misses him and she just wanted him to commit to her. She said that she said she could just live with him and she'd be fine. She said that he doesn't want to commit to anything like that.
Howard asked Fred who he thinks is going to be smarter, Jeff or Eric. Fred said he thinks Jeff. Laura said she's not sure about that. Howard said that the IQ test challenge is sponsored by ''Dinner for Schmucks.'' He told Eric he has to set up that test with Gary.
Eric told Howard that he should stop paying attention to the people on SternFanNetwork who make fun of him. He said that they post pictures and make fun of him all the time there so he should just ignore them. Howard said he was ignoring them until Eric brought it up.
Howard let them go and Robin said she can't believe that pairing. Howard said at least they're not banging. Howard said that would be shocking. Howard said he likes that Eric brought up the people making fun of him. He said that they must make fun of Eric there too. He said he seems to be able to ignore it.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said he's going to whoop Eric's ass in the IQ test. Howard asked how he felt about the test. Jeff said he thinks he did pretty good. He said he has a gig this Friday with Wicked Fuckin Wrestling in Burlington, Wisconsin at Bobby Rockets. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Karin Noelle is their Miss Howard TV for August 2010. Howard said she's 23 and Ronnie has declared her the hottest Miss Howard TV ever. Howard had the guys bring her in. Howard said that he was checking out her pictures last night and learned they are her real breasts. Karin said they are. She said she might be getting new ones though. She's a small D-cup already. She said she wants to be a full D or a DD. Howard said she doesn't need them. Howard told Karin that she looks great.
Howard asked Karin if she's married. Karin said she's not. She said that she was in a special editions Playboy magazine. Howard heard she will only shoot for Playboy too. She said she wants to be a playmate so she's going to stick with that. Howard said he doesn't think that many people read it anymore. He said they have under a million subscribers from what he read.
Howard said that the pictures end up online anyway so why stick with just that one magazine. Karin said she's only done that one shoot naked so she was kind of freaked out by that.
Howard found out that Karin used to ride horses but she blew out her knee. Howard said he figured that's the one thing you could do with a blown out knee. She said that it's a lot harder than you think. She said she blew out her knee skiing though.
Karin said that she's taking some time off from dating guys too. She said she has been with one girl. She didn't go down on the girl though. Howard said that's impolite. Karin said they were drunk in college and the other girl went down on her. Howard asked if she just laid there after that. Karin said the other girl passed out. She said she did touch the other girl's vagina and it was a little weird for her.
Howard read that Karin had offered to have a threesome and the guys have turned her down. Howard said that's weird.
Howard said Karin was wearing the tiniest bikini he's ever seen. Karin said Ronnie picked that out for her. Howard said he's good at that.
Howard asked what Karin does when she's horny. She said she masturbates once or twice a day. Howard asked if she uses her hand or a vibrator. She said she uses toys. Howard asked when she has time to do that. She said it's usually in the morning. That's how she wakes up in the morning. It's like her cup of coffee.
Howard asked who she thinks about when she's masturbating. She said she thinks about Travis Pastrana, a motocross racer. She said that she's a country girl so she likes that kind of thing.
Howard asked Karin some questions about horses that she was stumped on. She didn't know that they can't breathe through their mouths. She didn't know when a horse was considered an adult. She didn't know that the left side of a horse is called the near side. She didn't know the right side was the ''off side.'' She did know that an adult female horse is a mare.
Howard said that Karin is very hot and she's got a great tuchas. She didn't know what that was. He had to tell her it was her ass. Howard wrapped up with her a short time later and thanked her for coming in. Mike Gange was there ready to take her out of the studio. Howard said Gange was standing there salivating.
Howard said he finds it very odd that women will only pose for Playboy. He said that doesn't make sense to him.
Howard said yesterday JD brought up his date with the stripper and he wasn't able to cum. He said that Little Mikey wrote a song about it. Howard played the song and Robin was happy that Mikey came up with something other than something about her.
Howard played the song which was ''JD Cannot Cum'' to the tune of an Aerosmith song ''Janie's Got A Gun.'' Howard said that Tony Daniels did write a song about Robin. That was ''She's Got Real Big Black Cans'' to the tune of a Beatles song.
Howard played a voice mail that Bobo left for Gary where he asked what's wrong with the computers that Howard isn't picking up on him. He said that Howard must not be seeing he's on the line or something because he hasn't picked up in a month. Howard said Bobo is right about the show being great but the guy has to get a life.
Howard played more of the voice mail and Bobo was going on and on about the stuff he had to talk about. Howard said he remembers that stuff but he didn't want to talk about it that morning so he didn't pick up on him. He said Bobo can't believe he doesn't find him that interesting.
Howard wondered dif Bobo rehearses being on the air with them. Robin said she does think that happens. Howard asked if she thinks that he has a whole archive of his calls and stuff. Robin said ''Absolutely.''
Howard picked up Bobo and asked if he tapes every phone call. Bobo said he doesn't have them all. Howard said he thinks he's lying. Bobo said he does record his calls sometimes. Howard figured he recorded them all. Bobo said he writes them down on cards and stuff. Howard said he catalogs them just like he said he does. Bobo said he can't remember all of this stuff. Howard said it's called cataloging when you write it down and keep it.
Howard asked Bobo if he panics when he doesn't pick up. Bobo said Will told him that he always puts him up and he heard Howard say something about him not being there so he thought something was wrong. Howard said there is no screw up. He said he sees his calls and doesn't want to pick up sometimes.
Howard asked about Bobo's OCD and why he has to call 3 times. Bobo said he does have that and he thinks that his day is going to be fucked up if he doesn't call 3 times. Howard said that it can't get much worse than it is. He asked if he has other things he has to do a certain number of times. Bobo said he has to check his alarm system and things like that a lot.
Bobo said that he's wrecked when he doesn't get on the air. Bobo said this has been going on for like 25 years. He's been on and off with a shrink for years too. He said that his wife can tell when he doesn't get on the air because he gets bummed out.
Howard said that he has to play the rest of the voice mails. Bobo told him not to play them but Howard said he had to. He played the second one where Bobo was begging Gary to check into it to make sure he was on the computer screen. Bobo said he had questions to ask Howard.
Howard asked Bobo why he has to get through so much. Bobo said he just likes to be part of the show because he loves it so much. Howard said he saw some of the subjects that Bobo has wanted to talk about and they're so boring.
Howard said there was one question he had about an article Richard Johnson wrote and it was boring. He said that the story wasn't even true. He said that there were two guys in the store and they were following him around. He said he looked around and they were really annoying. He said that the guy was saying that he was ''rockin'' a John Varvatos shirt and he was way too old to be saying that. He said that the guy wanted to sell him a t-shirt he didn't like. He said he told the guy he wasn't looking for a freebie or anything and he didn't like the shirt. He said Beth walked over and they were doing the same thing to her at the store. Beth wanted to get out of the store and the guy was bugging her about the t-shirt. Howard said the guy pretended to plunge a knife into his heart. Howard said they were way too intense and wouldn't lay off so they left the store.
Howard said he told Richard Johnson what really happened when he ran into him. He told him that it was two annoying guys who wouldn't leave them alone. He said he wasn't even able to shop at their store. Howard said they were just looking for a free plug for their store. He said Richard just laughed. He didn't care.
Howard got back to Bobo's voice mail and Bobo was talking about that article and what he thought about it. He said that would have been good to talk about. Bobo said that maybe Howard TV was hijacking his calls and they were getting back at him for that Skype call mess.
Howard just said ''wow... conspiracy theory.'' Howard said that Bobo calls with that stuff all the time with Gary. He played the third voice mail where Bobo called in and said he had to call 3 times or they weren't getting the message. Howard said Bobo was trying to cover up his OCD. Bobo was telling Gary about this article he read that David Hinkley had. Howard said no one cares what David is going to write about him when he retires. Howard said no one cares and no one knows.
Howard said Bobo was doing a whole show in those voice mails. Howard said that it's kind of cool that Bobo is so into the show that he feels he has to call every day.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he feels bad for Bobo's hair piece having to be stuck to his head all the time. Howard said Bobo is pretty crazy. Howard said that guy is crazy too.
Howard asked Bobo what he's going to write on this card. Bobo said he's going to write David Hinkley. Howard said he should write ''Bobo's crazy.''
Bobo said he's calling in from the Shrine he has in his house. He has tons of Howard stuff in that room. Howard said they should go shoot that. Robin asked if the Howard TV guys have that. Bobo said that they have the camera in there. Howard said he wanted to see it. The Howard TV guys had to try and start it up. Howard said he thought they were going to have it running every time. Scott DePace said they thought Howard bailed on that. They weren't able to get the camera going anyway. Scott said they were logging in. The program crashed a few seconds later.
Howard got back to Bobo's message and played some more of that. Bobo was going on and on about why he thinks they don't have him on the air. He brought up the Howard TV guys sabotaging him or something. Bobo said he would back off if he knew more about what was going on. He said if Howard doesn't want to talk about something he doesn't mind. He just wants to know that Howard is getting the message. Howard said Bobo is a creep. Gary asked Howard if he thinks Bobo would be cool with it if he said he was done with his calls. Howard and Robin said no.
Howard TV got the Skype thing running but Robin asked how many questions Bobo has lined up for his calls. Bobo said he has all day to come up with stuff. Howard said that Skype thing just died as they were looking at it. Scott said their video card has a problem with Skype when they go full screen. That's what was screwing them up.
Howard said he would watch this on Howard TV to see them trying to get Skype working. He told Scott to just figure out how to work that and not go to Vegas. Scott said he's not taking the blame for this. He said that it wasn't something they were going to do. He said they bailed out on the idea. Howard said he wasn't going to take the blame on that. He said he didn't bail on the idea.
Howard said they had Bobo back up and Bobo's hair looks really disturbing. Howard said it's so obvious that it's not his hair. Bobo said that he bets if they had people come in off the street they couldn't tell. Howard said they should do that as a bit.
Howard checked out some of the stuff Bobo had on his wall. He asked about a picture he had hanging. Bobo said it was a painting of Howard. He said that he picked it up at some gallery or something. Howard asked what the coolest thing is on the wall.
Bobo said the coolest thing he had was the Crucified by the FCC box set. Howard told Bobo to pick something to throw in the garbage and burn. Bobo said he can't do that. He said he has a cigarette lighter with Howard's name on it. Gary said the obvious answer would have been to throw out the wig. Bobo said he bets that no one off the street could pick it out.
Howard said they were running late already. He said he had to get to the news and stuff. Howard took a call from a guy who said that Bobo is delusional and thinks that he's a broadcaster or something. Howard said he does seem to think that he's part of the show. Bobo said he's just an extreme fan and he has a lot of love for the show. Howard let Bobo go after that.
JD came in and said they have some new Mel Gibson tapes. He said that it's more yelling and sucking cock comments. Howard went to break and said he'd play that after the break. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Richard edited together the sounds that High Pitch Eric was making earlier. They fit right into that Eminem song as a rap. Howard ended up talking about how he was doing a photo shoot one time and he got into it when Ralph had them put on some Eminem song. Howard said he must have looked like a douche bag. Howard said people must have wanted to die seeing him doing that. Fred played the song Howard was talking about and said it got him all hopped up to do the photo shoot. It was ''Lose Yourself.'' Howard said that he was doing everything you can imagine in the photo shoot trying to get into it. He said he tried Metallica and Bowie and it wasn't working. This Eminem song worked. Howard said the pictures were amazing. He said that women have been known to pass out when they see it.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said that Eric the Midget is set to appear in an episode of Fringe on FOX. He will have a speaking role on the show and it will be shot in Vancouver. Howard said he lined that job up for him. Johnny Fratto was the one who made the final deal for Eric. Howard said that Eric is like Brad Pitt of Leonardo DiCaprio and doesn't even have to audition.
Steve said that Gary shot a Techno Beaver episode but it turns out they were messing with him when they had Sal dressing up in a beaver outfit too. Gary said that Sal never left during the segment. He was pretending to jerk off to turtles as he was doing his thing.
Steve said that KC Armstrong was late to court to settle his traffic ticket. He said that he doesn't have a valid license yet but today he might have one for the first time in a long time.
Steve said that Jay Leno has an iPhone app where Jay talks about his cars and things and he's getting one star reviews from downloaders.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran through the list of things he had for today's show.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she is going to take all of the Wack Packers when Howard is done. Howard didn't know what she was talking about. She said that she's going to have to take calls from all of these people when Howard is done. Howard hung up on her.
Robin said she thought they had new Mel Gibson tapes. Howard said he did. He played the audio of the new clip where Mel and Oksana were arguing. Oksana was yelling at Mel about what a monster he is. Mel was saying that she's the one yelling now. Mel then said that she's a fucking bitch and she's had his money and she has asked for it. Oksana said she never asked for anything. Mel called her the usual ''bitch, cunt, whore'' names and went off on Oksana about what goes on. Oksana said that Mel is losing his mind and he needs medication. Mel said she needs a kick up the ass for being a ''bitch, cunt, gold digging whore...'' He yelled at her about her offending his masculinity and saying that if she gets raped it'll be her fault because she's showing off her fake tits.
Mel was saying that he had said nothing in this call. Howard said he was right. Mel and Oksana continued to go off on one another and Oksana said that Mel yells at everyone around him. Mel said he does that because everyone around him is a user and a lying cunt. Oksana told him he has schizophrenia and he has to get help. Mel asked her if she's an expert all of a sudden. He told her to fuck off. Oksana said she's going to disappear from his life now. Mel was yelling at her for not saying thank you to him and told her to just suck his cock. He said that's all she's good for. He said that's much better than her music. Then he hung up when he thought she had hung up on him.
Howard said she's kind of creepy for taping him. He said the whole thing is creepy. Howard and Robin did an impression of Oksana's voice and talked about how wacky the whole thing was. Howard said he can understand guys wanting to yell at their wives sometimes. He said that they feel used at times. He said he's not defending Mel Gibson there. He said the guy is a racist and an anti-Semite.
Robin said that Lindsay Lohan has lost Robert Shapiro as her lawyer. She's set to go to jail soon. She's supposed to surrender soon to serve 90 days in jail.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard's show is great because we get to hear the Mel Gibson apes uncensored. Howard said the clips are on the web though. The caller also asked if he's going to give up like Jackie Martling did if he retires over a few bucks. Howard said he's not going to retire over a few bucks. Howard said he's a different guy than Jackie. Howard said that there is no negotiation going on right now. There is no offer on the table at this point. He said that he's not sure what they're even talking about right now. He said he doesn't have an answer for him because there is no negotiation going on.
Howard said he has been treated very fairly by this company, in some way, and not so fairly in other ways. Howard said he's a big supporter of the company and he's rooting for them. Howard said he's glad that so many people were turned on to the company by his show.
Howard said that if they want him back there they will come to him and ask to stay. Howard said they haven't done that yet. He said he has to figure out exactly what he wants before he says yes or no.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about how fat people are getting to be a problem in some places because the rescue workers are getting hurt trying to lift these fat people. Robin said in Columbus, Ohio they have to buy some stretchers that can support 1,000 pounds. They're about twice the cost of the other stretchers they use.
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who asked what he has in his fridge at home. He was wondering based on the MTV Cribs show. Howard said they don't keep much in there. He went down the list of the few things that they did have in there. It didn't sound like a lot. Mark interrupted in the middle so Howard figured he was bored. Howard said he has some fruit in there and some food they get from some restaurants. Howard said there's half a lasagna in there too.
Mark also suggested that Gary call his book ''I Call Him Boff'' instead of ''They Call Me Baba Booey.'' Howard said that would make more sense. He spent some more time talking about how little Beth eats. Robin said she heard about a model who used to let food rot on her window sill so she could eat it shortly before doing fashion shows so she'd get sick and lose weight.
Robin asked Howard if he sneezes when he looks at the sun. Howard said he does and he loves sneezing. He said that he can sneeze from tugging on his nasal hairs too. Robin said this sun thing is new to her. She didn't know about that. Howard said it doesn't happen every time but it does happen pretty often.
Robin said that Tila Tequila was supposed to be on Celebrity Rehab but backed out. Robin said that they found a replacement. It's Rachel Uchitel. Howard said he'll watch that. He said that if she's smart she asked for a lot of dough to do that show. Donald Trump has decided not to use her for Celebrity Apprentice because she's doing that show. Trump thinks it was a mistake. Howard said he might be right.
Robin said that Glenn Beck claims he might go blind. He's been diagnosed with ''Macular dystrophy'' according to what Robin read. Howard said he thought it was Macular degeneration or something. Robin said that Beck is saying he could be blind within the next year. Howard said that sounds awful and he feels bad for the guy.
Robin read that Britney Spears is not being charged with child abuse now. The authorities have dropped the charges.
Robin read that Sarah Palin has made up a new word on her Twitter account. She said that the new word was ''refudiate.'' Robin read the whole quote and Howard wondered what she was trying to say there. Howard said she's a moron. She may have meant refute or repudiate.
Robin read a story about an AIDS conference that's going on. She said they have a new gel that can help women avoid getting HIV.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he heard the story about Robin's problem with bugs and he's an exterminator. He said that Robin may have a bedbug infestation based on the travel she does. Howard said they went over all of that already. The caller told her to pull her sheets back and inspect it. He said it might be worse than she thinks. Robin said she wasn't bitten before. The guy told her how it could take a few months to show before she'd notice after going on a trip. Howard told Robin to check it out when she gets home. Robin said she's sure it's nothing.
Robin read some news about the BP oil well capping and how they're going to be keeping an eye on that. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. They fear that there could be some seepage from the well even though it's capped. Howard said he's so sick of this whole oil leak. He said he can't take it anymore. He'd rather hide his head in the sand and not know about it.
Robin said that over in Nigeria they have oil leaks too. She said they have it seeping everywhere. She said that they're not even sure why we're upset about this leak.
Robin read about some 4th of July event where a woman prayed in Spanish and it upset a lot of people at the event. That led to Robin asking if Howard's prayers had worked. Howard said everything was fine and they must have worked.
Robin read a story about Michael Bloomberg saying that he has no problem with the mosque opening near ground zero. Howard said he has a problem with it but he's not sure exactly why. He said that we did lose those two towers and having a mosque down there might not be the best idea.
Robin read a story about Wyclef Jean coming out with a new album. She had some audio of Wyclef's song ''The Day After.''
Robin read about a new Playboy site that's in the works called TheSmokingJacket.com where they show non-nude stuff. Howard said he can't imagine going to that web site.
Robin read about a guy who had 18 endangered monkeys under his shirt at an airport. He was trying to smuggle them out of the country. Robin said he came from Lima, Peru. Robin said he was carrying the 6 inch monkeys in pouches and two of them were dead.
Robin read about a commercial that's running for men that helps smooth out their midriff. Howard said he needs that. Robin said that men are taking to wearing girdles now.
Robin read about Angelina Jolie's new movie ''Salt'' that's getting good reviews. Robin had some audio of Angelina talking about the movie. Howard played that clip and let it play through without cutting her off like he usually does. He played a second clip and let that one play through too.
Robin read about the movie ''Inception'' and had some clips of Christopher Nolan talking about sharing dreams. Howard said the guy sounds like a bore but the movie was great. Howard said he should keep his mouth shut and just let the movie speak for itself.
Robin read about a movie that's coming out about cats and dogs. Robin said that Nick Nolte plays one of the characters. Howard played a clip of Nolte talking about that movie. Howard said he sounds pretty crazy and he can't imagine he's easy to work with. Howard said he sounds like a pain in the ass.
Robin had some audio of Zach Galifinakis talking about ''Dinner for Schmucks'' and the character he played in the movie. She also had some audio of Robert Duvall talking about who he'd like to work with in movies. Duvall said he'd like to work with Jimmy Caan again. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:45am.
Gary showed up and told Sal that he could have asked what musical family the cymbals were in. Gary said that if she had said something like Bongos then they may have had some more confusion there.
Gary said he didn't have a chance to look over the questions for that game. He said that he's kind of guilty for not doing that. Sal said the game unfolded pretty well even though he felt like an asshole.
Sal said that he tries to refresh the questions pretty frequently. Gary told him to bounce them off of Jason before using them. He said he should be pretty good about that.
Gary asked Sal about a portion of the IQ test that was general knowledge and how he did. Sal said he did horrible in that part. He said that he thinks he did well with the definitions and the puzzle stuff. Gary said that he thinks they had all of the questions and he thinks that Sal couldn't have gotten more than 2 out of the 15 right. Sal said there was a lot of geographical stuff in that part of the test. He said that the guy laughed at him when he said ''the southern continent'' at one point. He said the guy didn't laugh in his face, it didn't look like he was too confident about his test.
Sal said that he's not good with certain components of general knowledge. He said that in general he is good at that though. Gary asked Sal if he knows what temperature water boils at. Sal said he didn't know that one. He knows anatomy though. Gary said he didn't want to say the questions he had from the test. Gary was having trouble coming up with something to ask.
Jon asked Sal about the questions he and Richard went out and asked. Sal said they love going out and doing that stuff. He said he's never surprised by their answers when they're negative but some of the stuff they say is kind of surprising.
A caller asked Sal if he knows that there are two other sphincters in the body. He said there is more than one. Sal said that she would have been right if she had said one of the other answers.
Gary said that the listeners can get a little carried away and take them too literally when they ask these questions. The one they get the most complaints about is ''Where was Hitler from?'' and it's technically Austria but they take Germany as the right answer.
Jon said he likes the way Sal says ''sphincters.'' Sal repeated it and it sounded like the way a German would say it.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Sal if he is prepared if Howard retires. Sal said he thinks that Howard will sign on for more and he thinks that he will stick around for less time and do less days on the air. Sal said he's been out on the road doing some stuff trying to prepare to do his own thing just in case.
Gary asked Sal what he would do if Howard did announce he was leaving. Sal said he would sit down with Tim Sabean and talk to him about doing something. He said he wants to work with Richard if he can. He said they haven't talked about ''plan B'' at this point though.
Gary said that Mariann from Brooklyn helped Eric out a lot too. He said that no one would be looking out for him without the show.
Jon said that Eric has kept this job at the Hard Rock for a few months now and that's impressive. Gary said he needs zero skill in that job so it's very easy. Gary said when he had jobs that needed skill he hated them all. Gary said he goes to the Yankee game and he gives people cups and socializes. That's right up his alley. He doesn't need any skill to do that though. Sal thinks that Eric would be in jail if he didn't have this show.
Jon had Teddy play a clip from the show where Eric was trying to do math. After playing the clip Jon asked what was going through his head. Gary said he thinks he just threw a number out at first. Then he threw out 27 and just went high with his guess.
Sal said that he generally does better when he goes back and thinks about what he's answering. Gary said they're doing a Win Sal's Money in November and they might have to do a playoff between High Pitch Eric and Eric the Midget. He said they're both bad at math and it would be pretty funny to hear them trying to figure out the answers.
Sal said he thinks of Eric as a Tyrannosaurus Rex with a small brain. He uses his thought processes to figure out how to eat and scam people.
Shuli was in and said that Eric has thought process and he is able to think about the way he does things like scamming people. He said that he knew what he was doing when he wrote a bad check to someone.
Jon brought up the Laura thing too and how that happened. The guys were all shocked that she's back to talking to Eric again. Shuli said he heard a lot of that story when it was going on and he's amazed that Eric got back in with her after everything he did.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that you don't need a high IQ to have street smarts and common sense. He said that Eric is able to scam people and he uses his popularity on the show to get what he wants. Gary said that Eric once left a message threatening to bomb the station that Opie and Anthony were on and they had him arrested. He didn't even try to disguise his voice when he left the message.
Sal said that Eric doesn't even have street smarts. If he did, he'd get away with his scams. He always gets caught. Gary said the worst voice disguising was the Fred the Elephant boy message he left on that service where he was trying to find a couple to hook up with. Shuli did his impression of Fred the Elephant Boy and quoted some of what he said.
Sal said that he's never spoken to a woman the way Eric has. He said he's said that stuff in his head but he keeps it in. He said that you let it flow inside and don't let it out. Jon asked if Sal is the calming voice in arguments. Sal said they take turns. He said that they don't have big blow outs like that Mel Gibson and Oksana thing.
Sal said he and his wife have had arguments where they've thrown stuff. He said they laugh about it now. Shuli said he had an argument with his girlfriend in Las Vegas once. He kicked the wall and his foot went right through the wall and got stuck. Sal said he ducked when his father tried to hit him and he broke his pinkie on the meat locker. He said he got up and hit him with the other hand after that.
Sal and Gary were talking about Mel Gibson and how he's been yelling at his girlfriend. Sal said the guy could get laid by anyone and he's wasting his time with that chick. Gary said that if he had millions like Mel, he would always wear a condom no matter what. Sal said he'd do the same thing. Shuli asked if he'd get his tubes tied. Sal said he would but then thought about it and said he'd get a vasectomy.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that a friend of his saw High Pitch Eric out at a pizza place. He said the guy asked to take a picture with him and Eric asked for 20 bucks to have his picture taken. The guy said that his friend exchanged phone numbers. He said that his friend is now being bombarded with texts and phone calls asking for money and stuff. He said that's how Eric does things. Gary said that he can vouch for that because he's seen the same thing.
Sal and Gary talked about this one guy that Eric was asking for stuff. Shuli said that he heard from a person on Facebook who said that Eric was asking him to pay his cell phone bill. That was just recently.
Sal said he had a story about Eric calling room service after a guy said he'd pay his hotel room bill. He said he ordered two trays and he was sitting in there eating on that guy's dime.
Gary asked if Eric understands that it's on someone's credit card. The guys all said he knows. Shuli said that Sal did something like that with his credit card once too. He said that Sal ordered porn on his card. Sal paid him back though.
Jon asked about Eric tearing up in the studio today. He said that Eric was talking about his mom when he did. Gary said he thinks it was about his mom. He said he thinks that he's still sad about her dying. Shuli said he's definitely bummed about that.
Jon took a call from Cyrus who said that today's show was like a serial killer day with the guests they had. He said Eric and Bobo were both pretty nutty. He was saying that Eric really wanted to kill that chick Laura too so he's not sure how he got back in with her.
Gary asked who they think would be the least surprising Wack Packer to kill someone would be. Jon said he's not sure. They threw out Crazy Alice but they weren't sure about that.
The guys talked about Bobo and how nutty he was too. Gary said that Bobo is the real deal. He said that stuff going through his head is the real thing. Jon said Bobo said that he logs the calls he makes. He gets bummed out if he doesn't get on the air too. Sal said he thinks he'd be great on a Meet the Shrink show.
Shuli said he used to get bummed when he would call in but he never got as upset as Bobo. Sal said he used to log some of the stuff that he would do for the show. He said that he and Stuttering John were close so he was able to get in on the show. He said that he was also able to change subjects so Howard would pick up on him.
Gary asked Sal when he realized he was part of the show. Sal said it was when Stuttering John asked him to go on his comedy tour. He said John didn't treat him so well on that tour though. He said that John was trying to get him to pay for stuff and it was kind of bittersweet. He said that was an interesting experience though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he met High Pitch at that job of his and he was a nice guy. He said he seems to take it seriously. They had to go to break after that.
Ralph called in and said that Big Foot could have killed someone already and they just don't know about it. Ralph was also saying that Bobo's calls are the worst and he prepares them. Gary said he agrees with him on that. He said that King of All Blacks is another one who makes bad phone calls. He gets on the air with this questions but doesn't really care about the answers. Ralph said it's the same old thing over and over again with King.
Jon asked Ralph what advice he would give to those two. Ralph said that he'd suggest that they stop calling. Gary said that Ralph is good on the phone and he just calls when he has a thought instead of just calling in every single day trying to get on.
Gary said that if he went back and looked at Bobo's questions over the past couple of years, he's probably asked about Beth and Howard having a baby multiple times.
Jon asked if Bobo sticks to the same subject when he calls in. Steve Brandano said he does stick with the question. He said that he'll hold for 3 or 4 hours if he has to. Ralph said Bobo needs to listen to the show and come up with a subject instead of planning it.
Shuli said he used to watch shitty TV shows so he'd have something to talk to Howard about. Gary said he used to watch shows like American Idol just so he can be in the loop on the show.
Ralph said that he kind of has a shrine to comic books and stuff but he's not like Bobo with just one room of stuff. Ralph said that it's almost like a serial killer wall that Bobo has. Gary said that wall is usually in a closet but this was a whole room of stuff Bobo had.
Jon let Ralph go and asked Gary about the screw up with the Skype call to Bobo. Gary said that he thinks that Howard didn't say he didn't want it at all but that's the way the Howard TV guys took it.
Gary said that he gets a lot of voice mails and most of them are from Ass Napkin Ed, Bobo, Crazy Alice and Angry Black once in a while.
Sal said that the people on the cruise were like vultures. He said his wife tried to play Bingo and this woman was asking him to move her head because she couldn't see the screen. Sal said he told his wife to just move and not cause a scene. Sal said his wife called the woman ''big, fat and ugly'' so he had to pick up the kid and move him. He said that they ended up yelling at each other and then they hear ''Let's get ready for Bingo!'' Sal said the whole cruise was crazy.
Sal said that there was another woman on the cruise who had two plates of waffles. He said she slipped and the waffles ended up falling on the floor. He said she just left them there and went back to get more. He said he also found a plate on the floor in the elevator and he knew that they'd get blamed for it. Sal said that he told this woman that it wasn't him and this woman says ''Sure it wasn't as they were walking off.
Sal said that he wasn't able to have sex on the cruise. He said they had the kids in the room. Sal said his wife claimed she was on her period one day. Then another day right before the cruise was ending she denied him even though she wasn't on her period. He didn't get anything on that cruise.
Jon said that Gary talked about videotaping his mom and dad and how he was telling Howard he should do it. Gary said Howard thinks it's a good idea other than the actually doing it part. He said that it really is a good thing to do and he thinks that Howard might end up doing it. He said he'd be happier if it just ended up on DVD and on his desk though. Gary said it's very easy to do and you have to think about future generations.
Sal said his wife did it too. Shuli said that Sal should do it with his dad so we can see him punching Sal throughout the whole thing.
Jon asked the guys about Miss Howard TV and how she was named the ''hottest'' by Ronnie. Gary said she was very hot but not the hottest. They talked about how Mike Gange isn't going after the girls anymore too. Sal doesn't buy it. He said he thinks that Gange just isn't talking about it anymore. Shuli agreed. Steve said that he's just trying to play it cool.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that he'll be getting 3 voice mails from Bobo today. Gary said he might. He said he loves that he thought that Howard TV might have been behind the whole thing. They had to end the show after that.
Howard started the show talking about the guests they had coming up today. Miss Howard Stern, Andrea Ownbey, is supposed to be coming in. Howard said that he just calls her Miss Howard Stern. He had screwed up her last name. Howard said that Sandra Bernhard is coming in too. He said that she's his spiritual advisor. He said that she's like his rabbi.
Howard said he saw that Lindsay Lohan went to jail. Her picture was in the paper with her jump suit on. Howard read an article about her first day in jail and how they locked down the place before and after she got there. Howard said she had to go through a cavity exam. He said that she's hot and messed up so that must have been hot. Howard said some butch, female prison guard had to examine her vagina. That led to Fred playing some Little Lupe ''Vagina Poosey'' audio clips.
Howard read that Lindsay had spaghetti and broccoli for her first meal. He said that doesn't sound so bad. Howard said he used to love institutional food. He liked school cafeteria lunches and stuff like that. Robin said it has no taste. Howard said you don't need taste.
Howard read that Lindsay is in a 12 by 8 cell and she's right next to some other reality TV show star. She ripped off Orlando Bloom and Lindsay Lohan. Howard said she's in the cell next to the thief that ripped her off. He said they should have a wrestling match between the two of them.
Howard said that Lindsay can't be given leniency because of what she did. He said that she was a drunk driver and could have killed someone. Robin said she violated her probation too. Howard said in most cases you don't get jail time for what she did because the jails are so overcrowded. Howard said it's like a parent that doesn't know what to do with a kid. He said that in the old days the cops would just beat these people in a back alley. They can't do that now.
Howard said Lindsay will probably spend 7 days in jail. Then she's going to rehab. Howard said 7 days should be a wake up call for this chick. Howard said her father was outside the jail yelling ''We love you Lindsay.'' He said that she doesn't even talk to her father. He said he was like a fan outside yelling at her.
Howard said the money thing is why people are freaking out. He said that he loves this country but the question about where the money is coming from is why people are freaking out. He said that if they found that out they might be able to stop it from being built.
Howard said there's a story in the paper about this black woman who gave birth to a white child with blond hair and blue eyes. He said it's a really wild looking picture because both of the parents are black and of Nigerian descent. Howard said that they say it could be a genetic anomaly. Howard said they don't think the woman had sex with a white man. Robin said they're not that dark skinned. She said they're brown and not ''Wesley Snipes black.''
Howard read the article about that white baby. He said they are going to do a DNA test on the baby and the parents. Robin said that this can happen and she's seen babies that look white born to black parents. Howard said this is really wild though because the baby is so white.
Howard read that they're thinking about using Harry Connick Jr. or Chris Isaak on American Idol to replace Simon Cowell. Howard said he didn't even know who Chris was. He doesn't think that Harry Connick would be a good judge. He said he loves to see people fail though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's been watching this mosque story and they're building them all over the united states at a phenomenal growth rate. He said it would shock people about how many they're building. The caller said that in 5 or 10 years it's going to be like living in an Islamic country. Howard said that's not true.
Howard said he thinks that all of these churches should be paying taxes. He said that it's bullshit that they don't. Howard said they have some of the most valuable real estate and don't pay taxes. Howard said he's not singling anyone out and doesn't mind that there are mosques. He said it bothers him that you can't practice any other religion in Islamic countries. He said this is sending a message to the terrorists that they can build a mosque in an area they destroyed. Howard said that they should be asking where that money is coming from to build that mosque at ground zero.
Howard picked up on the call thinking it was Bobo but it was another guy. The caller didn't have much to add so Howard hung up and moved on to Bobo. Bobo asked about what Robin looks at on her computer screen when she's on Howard TV. Robin said she just has stuff to read on there and she doesn't know when she's on camera. The question didn't lead to anything so Howard thanked Bobo and hung up.
Howard said that the TV show is like just watching them work. They're not playing to the camera most of the time. He forgets that it's even on him when he's doing the show. Robin said that she saw a clip of the show and she saw herself looking down and saying something to Howard once in a while. Howard said he doesn't look at Robin the whole show because he has so much going on there.
Howard said he has a hard time with his board sometimes. He said it's hard to tell when he's on and things like that. Once in a while he slips up and leaves microphones on during the show. The old equipment he had in the old days was easier. He said this stuff is all digital and harder to work with.
Howard said that this guy Sumner Redstone runs Viacom, the company that sued him after he signed with Sirius. Howard said he saw Sumner out at dinner one night and he said hello to him. He said Sumner wished him luck with his new endeavor. Howard said the guy is a Jew and he changed his name to Redstone. He said that's really bizarre when you change your name like you're embarrassed to be Jewish. Howard said it was actually Rothstein before.
Howard was having problems with his voice so he asked for some hot water. He said he had a headache for 5 days and he's had a scratchy throat too. He said he thinks that he might have Lyme Disease or something but Beth tells him he's wrong. Howard said he has a neighbor that has a cat sanctuary and the cats are always around his house. He said that they shouldn't be running around in the wild and now he's thinking there are ticks and he's got Lyme Disease.
Robin asked Howard why the dog doesn't chase the cats away. Howard said Bianca isn't like that. He said she doesn't go outside and chase cats.
Howard said he likes cats but he feels like they carry ticks. Robin said they could have anything in those coats. Howard said he probably has Lyme and he can't exercise so he feels like he's getting fat.
Howard said he met with a financial guy yesterday and he was telling him how shitty the stock market is. Howard said he started investing in it and it goes to shit. Howard said he's not sure how people retire. He said you just can't at this point. He said the whole bottom is falling out of this country.
Howard said this guy was telling him that a few years ago China was the place to invest in. He said that's bullshit and things are just crazy out there right now.
Brent also talked about Bubba's show that he taped for WGN TV and how crazy that was. He said there was no sane person in the studio for that shoot. He said that they shot the pilot and it was really wild. Brent said he's pretty sure they'll pick up the show.
Howard asked how Bubba's weight is doing. Brent said that he's been losing some weight for TV. He said he's around 300 pounds right now and going down. Howard asked if Brent is part of the TV show. Brent said he's not but he's in good hands. He's got the same crew from the Jerry Springer show. Jerry is still doing his show but that should be done at the end of 2011.
Howard said he's glad to hear that Bubba is getting into shape. Brent said that he's going nuts doing the radio show and flying out to Chicago to do that TV show. Howard said Bubba has been very busy and he feels like he's got to grab a bunch of things and get them going. He said that Bubba went through something that was awful when he got fired and couldn't get back on the air. Howard said Bubba is going to take any job he gets offered now. Howard said that he should be demanding to do the TV show in Tampa but he's going to take any show he gets.
Howard said Bubba is going to run himself into the ground if he keeps this up. He said he has to be careful. Howard said he's heart attack material at that weight. Howard said he was thinking about Bubba and if he's going to stick around there. Howard said it's been fun but it would be weird if they weren't still there. Brent said that it's been great to be there with them.
Howard asked what's going on with Pig Virus at WGN. Brent told Howard that things are brutal on terrestrial and WGN used to be number one. He said that they're getting their teeth kicked in over the PPM thing. The PPM is a Personal People Meter that takes ratings. Howard said he'd like to prove that thing works for his show if he went back to terrestrial. Howard said he thinks that they'd pick up the people who claim that they don't listen.
Brent said that the PPM thing keeps listeners from 9 months to 2 years so you get stuck with the same people that whole time.
Brent said that Kevin Metheney is up at WGN and he's not a favorite of his either. He said that he was in charge of their Cleveland show when they were syndicated there. He said working with him was a nightmare. He said that Paul Giamatti really nailed that voice in ''Private Parts.'' He said that Kevin would go over everything that Howard used to hear from him when he worked with him. Brent said that Kevin got into an argument with Bubba over some stuff and they gave up on trying to get into Cleveland because of that.
Howard asked about Kevin firing someone at WGN but Brent said that he thinks that it could have been someone else there that was behind that. He said he's not sure that Kevin was.
Howard asked Brent what he thinks about this mosque being built at Ground Zero. Brent said he hates it and its' a slap in the face to American's. He said that religion is the reason that those towers are no longer standing.
Howard asked Brent how he's been doing lately. Brent said he's doing much better now and he's stopped drinking. Howard asked if they're working today. Brent said that they're off this week actually.
Howard said he heard a story about Brent liking being bitten on his back until he bleeds. Brent said he doesn't like to bleed but he likes the biting until it turns purple. He said that he and a woman marine messed around one time and that's how he found out he liked it. He said they have a dominatrix that comes on the show and bites him.
Howard asked how the terrestrial radio thing is going. Brent said that they're doing good in most of the markets other than Miami. They're unable to knock off this other station. He said they don't even try to do their show and they can't knock that other show off. The other show is Paul and Young Ron. Brent said that the number one guys are a Spanish speaking station. He said that these guys are far from being young too. He said they've been there for like 25-30 years so it's been tough to catch them. Brent said that the other show is at an 8.8 rating and they're at a 2.2. Howard said that's tough. Brent said they get weekly ratings now with the PPM thing too. He said they can actually go hour by hour so they really over analyze things now.
Howard said it sounds like a good reason to feel suicidal when you get ratings every week. Brent said that their slogan is ''We're just hanging out.'' That's exactly what they're doing from what Brent said. He said they don't even try to beat anyone and they do. Howard told Brent that they should say that they're just hanging out and they hang out better.
Howard said that it might drive them to be better when something like that is going on. Howard said that they will keep trying until they do get better and actually beat those guys. Howard said Miami is a big market too so they have to concentrate on that one. Howard said it sounds like it's time to make personal appearances. He said it doesn't make a bit of difference when you do that though.
Brent said he thinks that they probably have until the end of the year to get up there in the ratings. He said they still have Howard's channel and also Dayton, Ohio. He said that the most important thing is SIRIUS.
Howard let Brent get in another plug for the Toyota car design thing. Find out how to vote for that design at BTLS.com.
Howard let Brent go and checked out the design of the car. They did have the Howard 100 logo on the car. Howard said he saw the Bubba Army logo on it too. Howard said those guys are good guys and they've been great to work with. Howard said Bubba emails him once in a while and sends pictures of his wife's ass to him.
Howard said Bubba isn't thinking this TV show thing through. He's not going to be able to do all of this flying back and forth. It's going to kill him. He said he's going to have to figure out how to do it in Tampa. Howard said Bubba may have to buy an old crop dusting plane to fly back and forth. He gets why Bubba is doing this but he's going to kill himself with that commute.
Robin said she thinks Bubba did something like that before where he flew back and forth. Howard said that Bubba did do something like that but he's not sure if he was flying.
Howard said Mikey did write a new one about Robin. He played that one as well. It was ''Sucking Your Really Big Boobs.''
Howard said that he had a clip of Mel Gibson's girlfriend Oksana taping High Pitch Eric's messages to her. They had edited together the Oksana and High Pitch clips as if they were having a conversation like Mel and Oksana. They had Eric yelling at her just like Mel. The clips of Eric were from the voice mails he left for that Laura woman that was with him yesterday. Howard said he loves the Mel Gibson tapes.
Howard said he heard some audio from The View where Elisabeth Hasselbeck was yelling at Kathy Griffin about something she about Senator Scott Brown's kids being prostitutes. Howard said The View is hard to follow because they all talk over one another.
Howard played the clip and the girls on The View played the audio of Kathy Griffin making her comment about Senator Brown's kids. Then Elisabeth talked about how unfunny those comments were. The women all started talking about the story and all talked over one another so it was impossible to follow. Howard said he couldn't understand what they were saying but it could have been an interesting discussion.
Howard said that it's really hard to listen to that show and it must be just for women. He said that the voices are really high and you just can't understand what they're saying. He said it's like having 4 mothers nagging you at once. He said it's just too much. He had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and gave a plug to the rapper guy whose song Fred had played. Howard said he got the impression the guy may have something going on. He wasn't sure if he was a big name or not. JD said that guy sent in the clips personally so he doesn't think he's got much going on.
Howard said that Miss Howard Stern wasn't there yet. He said she's on her way but not up there quite yet. Howard took a call from a woman who said that she wanted to fill him in on what lesbians do during sex. Howard said he watches The Real L Word and this week was pretty good with the girls getting it on. Howard said they got into the shower together and they were kissing and hugging. Howard said he wondered what they do in there other than that.
The caller said that you have to understand that they go down on each other and that's what they do. She said she can do that for 6-7 hours at a time. Howard said that would seem annoying to him. He said that it's never really over. The caller said it's more sexual because you go slow and touch and suck. She said Howard doesn't know the possibilities. Howard said he gets the idea that it goes on forever.
Howard asked if the caller ever takes a finger in the ass. She said that lesbians don't really like the ass stuff. She said she does like a finger in her vagina. She said she likes oral to get her off though. She said she's never gotten off from just having her clit rubbed. She said that you have to almost fuck the clit with your chin. It's not just licking. Howard and Robin said it sounds like you're almost getting smothered down there.
Howard said he didn't understand the lesbian ''fucking'' thing and this is clearing it up a little bit. The caller said she doesn't miss the male thing. Howard asked what type she is. The caller said she's kind of the average who likes girlie girls and not butch girls. She said that she might be a little butch herself. Howard asked if she's like Ellen Degeneres. She said that's probably the type she is. Howard said that he knows the type.
The caller said that she thinks that Ralph is gay. She said that he hangs out with Robin a lot. Howard wondered why he wouldn't just come out of the closet then. Robin said that there are a lot of guys who don't come out of the closet because they like hanging out with the guys and they might not be able to do that if they came out. Howard let the caller go a short time later.
Howard played a clip of Sal and Jon on the Wrap Up Show talking about Sal's lack of general knowledge. Sal said he's not good with certain things in general knowledge. Howard said that answer was the dumbest answer ever. He goofed on Sal for a minute about that. He let more of the clip play where Gary was asking some general knowledge questions and Sal didn't even know what temperature water boils at.
Howard said that he's losing confidence in Scott DePace beating Gary. He said that bet was a mistake. Howard said Scott doesn't get stuff and he can't comprehend basic stuff like this Gary thing. Scott said that Gary is mad at the wrong person. Howard said he's not. He said that Gary is mad at all of them for being involved. He said that Gary came to grips with it because they all said they were wrong. Scott didn't say he was wrong. Howard said that Scott can't even understand that and there's no way he's going to be able to get a good IQ score.
Scott said that he had very little to do with that Gary thing. Howard said that he had something to do with it and he's denying that he did. Howard said he knows that he's trying to think but nothing's happening. Howard said Scott isn't sounding very bright. Scott told Howard he's crazy. Lisa agreed that he's being hard headed over the whole thing.
Howard went over the bets they have in the IQ test thing. Howard said that he thinks that JD is going to be pretty smart but not beat Scott.
Scott and Gary got into it again when Scott told Gary to go back to sleep when he said something. Gary asked Scott why he cares so much. Scott said that he works with Gary and he doesn't feel like being blamed for something that wasn't his fault. Howard said that Scott is at fault. Gary said that Scott keeps blaming Doug. Scott claims that he apologized to Gary that day but Gary said that's just not true.
Scott and Gary were arguing again and throwing each other under the bus. Howard cut them off and asked Lisa what else she had today. Howard said maybe they can continue this on the Wrap Up Show. Scott said that Gary won't let him talk on that show anymore. Gary said he just told Scott to stop talking the other day. Gary said that he doesn't want Scott on the show anymore. He said if Jon wants him on that's fine but he doesn't want him on himself.
Gary asked Scott why he didn't come on the show yesterday. Scott said he didn't want to talk about the Skype thing. Gary said they didn't talk about that. Scott said he heard it did come up. Gary thought he was boycotting the show. Scott said he heard from someone else that it came up. They went back and forth on that for a few seconds. Howard said he could listen to this arguing for four hours. Gary thought that they were just going around in circles so that's why he called an end to it on the Wrap Up Show.
Lisa got back to her preview and said that the Wrap Up Show is doing their show from the Hard Rock to kick off the Fantasy Sports channel there at SIRIUS. Gary said that they're doing a bunch of shows from the Hard Rock to get people interested in this Fantasy Sports channel. Gary said that they're going to be doing a Fantasy Football draft today on the show. Howard said he doesn't understand what they do on this channel. Gary said that he'd be surprised how much they have to talk about with that stuff. Howard said that Ross asked him to stop by. Howard said he didn't want to be dragged into that whole thing. Gary said that there's a lot of money involved in the fantasy sports thing.
Lisa said that the Fantasy Sports channel is on channel 211 there at SIRIUS. Howard said he wants to hear it. He told Scott to come in and set him up. Howard said he didn't want to look at Scott though. Scott said the set up wasn't easy. Howard said they have to look into something simple so he can get to the channel quicker. He said Scott really annoys him.
Howard asked Tim to get on this and set him up with something. Howard said he hopes they get this on Howard TV to show why he gets so crazy. He said that he wants the ability to tune into every channel there. They work in the same building and they can't get to the channel. Tim Sabean came in and said that he'd have someone set it up for him. Howard said there must be a better solution. Howard said when Scott walks in he's staring at that screen and pointing a controller and nothing happens.
Howard gave up and let Lisa go. He said that he would have tuned in to see what was going on with the Fantasy Football thing. He said that just can't happen. He said he'd listen to more channels if it was easier to get it going.
Andrea said she was thrown 58 feet from her convertible. Howard asked if she was high when she was driving. She said she has no memory of the whole thing. Andrea said she obviously wasn't sober. She said she was thrown out of the car and would have been dead if her friends that were behind her hadn't called 911 so quick. She said her skull was crushed and she has metal plates and screws in her head. She said her nose was broken and he jaw was broke. She said that she has double vision and she has a scar that took 300 stitches.
Andrea said she has road rash on her shoulder and her collar bone was broken. She said her boobs didn't pop and her teeth were fine. Andrea said she didn't remember anything except when she left the hospital. She said she had no mirrors in the house and she wasn't able to look at herself. Andrea said her eye was closed for months. She said she looked in a mirror and saw that she didn't have any hair. She has hair extensions on one side now. She said the hair is growing back now though.
Andrea said that she had wigs at first. She said she has horrible headaches all the time. She said they're horrible. Andrea said that the wigs would make her head hurt even more. Howard asked how long she was in the hospital. She said she was in for 4-5 weeks. She's had a long recovery since then. Andrea said that the past year really went by fast because of the pain meds she's been on.
Andrea said that her taste buds are different now and she can't drink the same stuff she used to without it making her eyes water. Andrea said that she's accepting it now but she was very angry at first. She said she has to live with this the rest of her life now.
Andrea said that they tell her that they don't know what will happen with the headaches. She said the headaches come once or twice a week now. They used to be every day. She can't even cry tears because her tear ducts are so messed up.
Andrea said that she's very depressed and suicidal. Howard said that she survived this accident and most people would think that there was a reason for that. Howard said maybe it was for her daughter. Andrea said she can only take so much and she's been through so much. She said she hates life every day she wakes up. Andrea said it's everything that makes her hate it. She said that it's everything. Howard asked what else there was.
Andrea said that she was drunk and on drugs for the longest time. She didn't see real life and now she's had this man in her life who has control of her life and she has realized that she doesn't have control of her life and this guy is obsessed with her. She said that she wants the guy to just stop.
Andrea said that she has started drinking again but she won't drive drunk anymore. Andrea said that there are days she drives and she'll go like 120 miles per hour and close her eyes. She said she prays that something happens. Robin told her she might want to take up racing.
Howard asked Andrea if she's actively trying to kill herself. Andrea said that there's only so much someone can take and she's not sure she can help her daughter. She's stuck. Andrea said she's on medication and she's not sure that they all work right. She ran down a list of the meds she's on and there were a bunch.
Andrea said that her memory is shot now too. She said that she'll put on her earrings and won't remember that she put them on.
Howard asked if she's had sex since the accident. She said she has no sex drive now. Andrea said that she can't remember the last time she had sex. She said she won't do that until she has a ring on her finger. Andrea said she's been on this SugarDaddie.com web site trying to find a man. She said that she can't handle her own life so she needs a man like that but they all seem to suck too.
Andrea said that she's got a shopping problem now. She traded in the drug problem for shopping. She has a man who buys stuff for her but that's the man she's tired of. Andrea said that this guy is married but he's very controlling.
Andrea told Howard that the only other job she's had, other than stripping, was being a hostess at a restaurant. She said she loves coming on Howard's show so that's a good thing today. Andrea said she still has the Howard Stern stuff hanging on her wall at home. Her daughter is 11 years old and she's just starting to find out about Howard and what she does on the show. Andrea said her daughter is almost 11 but on MySpace and Facebook she lies about her age saying she's 15. She ran off to the beach with a boy the other day.
Howard was surprised that her sex drive was gone completely. Andrea doesn't even touch herself. Andrea said she hopes that love brings it back. She said she wants to have a family and a peaceful life and have someone love her and take care of her. She needs someone with money but she wants love and money... so basically a miracle. Andrea said she doesn't want to be in love with someone just for money. She wants the real love thing.
Howard asked how much money a man would need. Andrea said that he'd have to make at least $500,000 a year. She said that she would relocate too. She said she can't get a passport though. She was behind in her child support so she had some issues with that.
Howard thought that Robin wasn't really feeling sympathetic for Andrea. Robin said that's not true. Howard said that he felt that she wanted Andrea to just go out and get a job. Andrea said that she did go back and get her high school diploma. She could get a job.
Andrea told Howard that they did 6 hours of surgery on her that night she was in the accident. The cops told her that she was almost dead and her father wasn't able to identify her body. They wanted him to do that because they thought she was going to die. Andrea somehow made it.
Andrea said that there are so many horrible people out there and the world is horrible. She said there are so many horrible people out there. Robin said maybe that's just who she has surrounding her. Andrea said that it happens all the time and she's cut everyone out of her life. She said people just want to make money off of her and she hates that. Howard said she has to look at the bright side because there is a rainbow, or a double rainbow, that she could be looking for.
Robin said that Andrea survived something incredible. Howard asked if she saw anything when she was near death. Andrea said she didn't remember anything except leaving the hospital. She said that she thinks there is nothing there when you die. It's just peace. Howard said maybe there's nothing. She said she's fine with that. Andrea said she hates the world.
Howard told Andrea not to drive at 120 when she gets these suicidal feelings. She could end up hurting or killing someone else. Andrea said she's too smart for that. She knows where she'll do it if she does do it. Andrea said that her shrink wanted to put her in the hospital when he heard about this. Andrea said that she's broken hearted because of what happened in her childhood. She said she was molested and that's why she locks doors wherever she goes. Andrea said she's afraid and can't even leave her room for days at a time sometimes.
Andrea said that she's just now starting to be able to go to a psychiatrist. She said that she wasn't able to do that for the longest time. Howard told her that she has to keep going on so they have a Miss Howard Stern.
Howard said he likes the new Andrea. He said that she might be coming up to a new place and she's going to do fine. Howard said she may find peace. Howard said that Andrea is beloved by his audience. He said that she has to rise to the occasion and carry on this Miss Howard Stern thing. Howard said she still has her big titties. He said that must be God telling her something. Andrea said she still loves the show and she likes hearing from the fans. She said she sits in her room and reads that stuff.
Andrea said her father doesn't drink. She said that he got her some wine when she asked for it though. She said she got a laptop for her graduation this year so that makes it possible for her to respond to all of her fans about what's going on. She really appreciates what they have to say to her.
Howard asked if she had surgery on her vagina. Andrea said that she did. It was right before the accident. Andrea said she had stitches down there when she went into the hospital. The doctors had to ask her father what the stitches were from. She said he had to tell them that it was for this surgery she had down there. She said she had the labia trimmed a little bit. They also put fat injections inside her vagina. Howard said he can't believe she cared that much about what her pussy looked like. Andrea said she cares about all of that stuff.
Howard said he had to move on but he was glad he got to see her. Andrea said she hopes that this isn't the last time she sees them. Howard said she can come back. Andrea said she's just happy when she's there and this was great for her to be there. Andrea said she'd like to judge a contest or something. Howard wrapped up with her and sang her a song to the tune of Miss America. He said this was a startling revelation today. He said Andrea is hanging in there and that's what he loves about her.
Andrea told everyone to wear their seat belts because she loves them all. She said that she wasn't wearing her's when she was thrown from her car. Howard agreed with her about that. She said that she always wears it now. Howard said he does too. Howard said he likes that she has a message for people now. Andrea said she's so afraid for her daughter when she starts driving. Robin said she should go out and start talking to people about wearing their seat belt. Andrea said that she could do that. Howard told her to go out and tell kids that seat belts are sexy. He told Andrea to rest up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Sandra Bernhard come in. Howard said Sandra was all dolled up this morning. Sandra said she has to get all dolled up. Howard said she doesn't do any plastic surgery. Howard asked how she resisted the temptation. She used to be called ''nigger lips'' when she was growing up. Sandra said she took that as a compliment. She said they weren't saying it in the most positive manner so of course it hurt.
Howard asked Sandra about how brutal it was for her growing up. She said she likes being the odd person out and it's been good for her. Howard said that's a maturity that most people don't have. Sandra said that her mom was an artist and she never supported anything like plastic surgery. She was never into the superficial. Sandra said she wasn't obsessive about her looks.
Howard said when he sees Sandra he sees beauty. He said that it might not be like a super model. Sandra said that she can't be like Andrea who just left. She said she would like to have some fat injected into her pussy though.
Sandra said that genitals are not attractive at all. She said that you don't say ''Wow'' when you see something like that.
Howard said he was watching The Real L Word the other night. Sandra said she watched it too and she was so bored. Howard said that one of the girls was saying that she'd eat out a girl who was on her period. Howard asked if that's gross to her. Sandra said she would never do that. She said it's disgusting. Howard asked if anyone has gone down on her during her period. Sandra said no one has. Howard said he did that to a woman once and he came up looking like The Joker. All of the blood talk led to them talking about True Blood and how they seem to have lost their way on that show.
Howard asked if Sandra has been watching True blood all along. She said she catches it once in a while. She said that she's more into shows like Damages which she was really into this season. Howard said he never knows what Sandra is going to be into. He said he saw her complimenting Mariah Carey recently. He said that was kind of odd to him. Sandra said she's crazy but she has a great voice. She said she likes her.
Howard asked Sandra about this feud she has with Lisa Lampanelli. Sandra said there is no feud. Howard said Lisa thinks there is. He had some tape of Lisa talking about the feud when she was on the show last. Lisa said that Sandra talked shit about her and she had never met her. Lisa said that Sandra didn't laugh at her when she was doing a roast with her there. Lisa said that Sandra sat there giving her the finger the whole time she was doing her thing.
Howard asked Sandra if she really did that with the finger. Sandra said she may have but she was probably just giving it back to her after she said something to her personally. Sandra said she has nothing against Lisa. She said she doesn't totally relate to her humor but she has no personal problem with her. She said she doesn't even think about her.
Howard said he has the feeling that this year is Sandra's year. He said she was great in ''King of Comedy'' and he hasn't seen her in a lot since then. Sandra said that she's going to be shooting a movie called ''Under 12'' this summer. Robin Wright Penn is in that movie. Howard said she deserves so much better than she gets from Sean Penn. Howard said Sean Penn didn't even thank her when he won his Oscar for ''Milk.''
Sandra said that she's also shooting a movie in Chicago. That's a comedy about a reality show where she plays a producer.
Howard asked Sandra why she hasn't been in more movies. Sandra said it's because of poor representation. She said she has a new manager who is taking care of everything for her. She said that he's taking care of her film and comedy careers. Sandra said that she didn't even have to meet with the directors for these two films she's doing. She said that's how great this guy is at getting her roles.
Howard said Sandra was great on the Roseanne show so she can act. Howard asked if she would let her daughter go into this business. Sandra said she doesn't want it. She said that she doesn't like being in the spotlight at all. She respects that completely.
Sandra said that people exploit there kids in the business and she hates that. Howard asked if she was talking about Will Smith and his wife pushing their kid into the business. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are doing the same thing. Sandra said there are some celebrities who have kids and you never see them. Howard said that Will Smith doesn't need his kid in a movie. Sandra said the kid seems very precocious and he's almost like Gary Coleman. She said it's so wrong. It's like the ultimate in abuse of the child.
Howard said this film that Sandra is working on is about reality TV. He asked if she's disgusted by all of the reality TV out there now. Sandra said it amazes her that this Kate Gosslin has written three books. She said that's shocking to her. Sandra said her last book was letters to her children. She said she has to do that because she's never with those kids. Howard asked if reality TV has killed it for regular actors. She said that it has made a dent in it.
Howard said he saw that David Letterman finally booked Joan Rivers on his show. Howard said he has refused to have her on for the longest time. Howard said that Joan didn't know why she was never allowed on. Howard said that Letterman has also rejected Sandra. She said that when she blows up big then he'll want her on. He'll then introduce her as one of his old, favorite guests.
Sandra said that Howard has never rejected her and she loves that. Howard said he always thought she was good on letterman. Sandra said she won't pat herself on the back because that was boring.
Howard said that Sandra's girlfriend is so sexy. He said he gets the feeling that things aren't perfect all the time. Sandra said they're never perfect for anyone. She said that they have two different personalities and they bump up against each other. She said they're not legally married. Howard said that she could come after her for money if they split though. Sandra said that she doesn't think she would. Howard chuckled at that. He said that he has a pre-nup himself. Sandra said that Howard has an incredible amount of money though. He said it's not so incredible now. He asked if she's seen the market lately. He said he wanted to quit this job but now he's not sure.
Howard asked Sandra if sex is still good with her and the girlfriend. She said it's great. She said they still do it a few times a week. Howard asked if magic happened in his house when she stayed over. She said it did.
Howard brought up the trip to temple that they took. Sandra said she's so happy that they went together. Howard said that was a super Jewy thing to do. Howard said they went to a Habbad and he wasn't even sure what that was. Sandra told him what it was as she knew it.
Howard gave Sandra a plug for a show she's doing at the City Winery tomorrow and next Tuesday. She's doing a bunch of shows and you can find out more at SandraBernhard.com.
Sandra said she wanted to put out some peace toward Lisa Lampanelli. She said she would like to offer an olive branch to her. She said that she is funny and talented so she doesn't ant any hard feelings.
Howard said he likes that Sandra is doing the Twitter (@sandrabernhard) thing. He likes to read her stuff. Sandra said she likes to do that.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that there is no palimony between lesbians that are not married legally. He said that they always settle. He said that the gays settle more than anyone else. Sandra said that Sarah would deserve some kind of support from her because she is the mother of her child. She said that they would probably settle in some way.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he finds Sandra to be very sexy. He said she's not the typical classic beauty but there's something about her. Howard said he likes that she hasn't done any plastic surgery. Sandra said that she has no desire to do that either. Howard asked what she'd tell her daughter if she waned to do something like that. Sandra said that she would not let her do breast implants or anything like that.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked Sandra who she would go down on if she could choose. Sandra mentioned Angelina Jolie. She said she thinks she has something sensual. Howard asked if she thinks she's still loony. Sandra said she masks it in some way.
Howard asked if Sandra thinks that Angelina and Brad will have problems with their kids. Sandra said you have to be on it 24/7 when you have that many kids. She said that it has to be tough. She's not sure how the kids can handle that. Howard said it has to be confusing to the kids because they came from a country where killing a lion is fine and then they come here and it's not accepted.
Howard asked who else she'd be into. Sandra said she's not saying she would go down on these women but they intrigue her. The caller said he wants to know whose box she'd like to eat out. Sandra wasn't able to come up with anyone else. She said that Beyonce is beautiful. She said she was trying to be multi cultural with this. Howard let her off the hook by taking another call.
Wheels called in and said that Howard has missed the boat with Twitter and they should be tweeting that Sandra is on the show. Howard said he has enough to deal with doing the show. Sandra said that she's going to stop with the Twitter when she has a show of her own. She said that it's just an outlet for her right now.
Howard said some people hire people to do the twittering thing. Howard said he has to start following Sandra on her Twitter. He read one of her posts and said he really does want to follow her. He gave her some more plugs and was about to say goodbye.
Howard said he saw that Beth was there. She wanted to say hi to Sandra so he had her come in. Beth was in the area doing an appearance so she came up. Beth said she was on Fox and Friends with a burn victim dog. She said that the building burned down so she has burns on 90 percent of her body. Beth said she just got off the show 5 minutes ago. She came right up there after.
Beth said they had some puppies on the show too. She said that it was all about the puppies when she was holding them. The burn dog was being very good through that though. Beth said that whoever adopts the burn dog will get the medical care taken care of thanks to the sponsor program at the North Shore Animal League.
Sandra said they adopted a dog and the dog is great. Howard said that the dog was well trained and doesn't piss all over the apartment.
Sandra and Beth had a quick discussion on their own. Howard interrupted and said he loves his wife but she's so into this exercise. He said that she went out and did a three hour thing where they ran and biked and they were out in a thunderstorm. He said that was dangerous and then they were out kayaking. Beth said that their trainer said they had to keep going through that whole thing. Beth said that they didn't stop and just kept going through all of this stuff. She said it was awesome.
Howard said none of this is productive. He said she has a vein popping out of her armpit now. He said she's really uncomfortable and she's sore. Howard said she was uncomfortable having sex last night. He said it was bumming him out. Beth said that's because he was flipping her around. Howard said he was ramming her last night. He said she was laying there in pain and saying ''ow, ow'' but it turns out it wasn't from his penis, she was just in pain from working out.
Howard and Beth talked about how great Sandra and Sarah were as guests at their house. Howard said he likes that they don't demand that he's around all the time. He likes guests who aren't a pain in the ass. He said that Sandra is terrific. She said that the people who take care of the house are great too. She said Howard told her to just leave their bowls laying around but they don't like to do that.
Howard took a call from Bobo who asked Beth to tell the story about the female masseuse. Beth said she's not telling that story. Howard told the story himself. He filled Sandra in on that. Howard said they went to a resort once and Beth had never had a massage before. He said this very sexy woman came up to them and said that she could give him a massage. Howard said Beth wanted to try it so he went first. He said that the woman was very sexy and hot. Beth said she had sex with Howard before he did it to take the edge off. Howard said that the woman said that he didn't need a towel but that's a signal that he could get a hand job if he wanted. Howard said that's what was in his head anyway. Howard said he used a towel anyway. He said he just got the straight massage.
Howard said Beth went in and got her massage. He said she told her that she didn't need a towel either. Beth got naked and laid on the table. She said that the woman didn't even leave the room. Beth then laid down on her back and the woman was rubbing her and her hand got close to her vagina. Beth said that it didn't get up in there all the way. Howard said this is what he doesn't understand. Beth said the massage felt good and she didn't have an orgasm. Beth said that she was thinking about Howard while the massage was happening.
Sandra and Beth got sidetracked with jewelry. Howard said that he was talking about girl on girl action and they were talking about jewelry. Sandra said she figured they were done with that story.
Sandra told a story about having a massage once when she was in another country. She said that the guy was playing with her vagine and she didn't mind it at all because she was single at the time. She said that he didn't try to put his peen into her or anything. She said that she got a hand job from the guy. She said nothing was said during the whole thing. Howard said some people would call that a rape. Sandra said that helped save her from having to jerk off. She said that she was on her stomach and he got her from behind. She said that he didn't go near her ass.
Howard asked Beth about the massage some more and Beth said that her's was cut short when she sat up. She said that the woman walked out of the massage about a half hour into it. It was supposed to be a 50 minute massage. Howard asked if she spoke dirty to her. Beth said she barely spoke English. Howard said he felt uncomfortable there. He didn't want to stand there naked.
Howard said that he didn't know that Beth was rubbed for 6 minutes on her vagina. Beth said that was just an estimate. She said she liked it. Beth said that when the massage was over she was thinking about how now she knew why people like massages so much. She said that the hand wasn't on her clitoris and it wasn't direct. Sandra said the woman could have segued right into that area if she had leaned into it.
Beth said she's going to tell that story in bed and enhance it a bit. Howard told her he doesn't want her doing that. He wants to hear the truth.
Beth said that she has a friend who woke up to a masseuse going down on her. She sued and got a big settlement. Sandra said she could have done that to this guy who was massaging her. She said it was fun and weird though so she just went with it. Beth said she's not allowed to get a massage from a man now. Howard said he's never letting her do that because she lied to him once. He said that he locked himself in the bathroom because he was so upset.
Beth told the story about how she accidentally got a guy masseuse and she wasn't going to tell Howard about it. Then she screwed up and said ''he'' when she was talking about the massage. That's when Howard got upset with her.
Howard took a call from Irish John who said that he's going to go home and rub one out to Beth's story. He asked if Sandra is going to do that. Sandra said that they're friends and friends don't do that.
Another caller asked Sandra about Lindsay Lohan and what she thinks about what's going on there. Sandra said she was great as a kid actor. This is a great example of bad parenting. She said that Lindsay didn't have a chance to grow up since she was acting at 12. Sandra said she's so far gone already that she worries about her. Sandra said that her parents pushed her into this whole thing so that doesn't help. She said she's not sure if there is any way for her to turn back. Howard asked if Sandra would be in a movie with a child actress. She said if she was plying the kid's mother or something she would.
Howard took a call from Wheels who asked Beth about her show ''True Beauty'' and if she was really into that winner. Beth said that she liked Taylor from day one. Robin said she hasn't seen that episode yet. Wheels said that Beth gave him a hug at the end. Beth said she thinks that he may have had a little crush on her.
Wheels asked if Beth would like to see Sandra and Sarah go at it. Howard said he's pretty sure she would. Sandra found that hard to believe. Howard said that she would probably like that. He said that she was into Katherine Moening on ''The L Word.'' They tried to get her to come on the show but she refused. Beth wanted to meet her.
Howard wrapped up and gave Sandra some more plugs. Howard said he had more show to do. He said he hopes that Beth was successful with the Fox and Friends show. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they have a story about High Pitch Eric contacting friends to help him cheat on the IQ test. Irish John said that he wanted him to text him during the test. John said the refused and the test is overlooked by the tester anyway. That led to Fred playing the new bit they had where they had clips of Eric talking to clips of Mel Gibson's girlfriend Oksana.
Howard said he can't believe that he's trying to cheat on that test. He said he must be some kind of weird genius to come up with that. Robin said that slow people aren't crafty like that. She said he's like a Con-savant.
Howard told Gary to make sure the tester knows that he wants to cheat. Gary said that the tester is right there and there is no way to cheat. He said the room is really small and he can't cheat. Howard said he wants the real IQ number for Eric so he has to prove it.
Howard said he thinks he'll come in somewhere in the high 80s in the test. Gary said he thinks he's about right. Gary said he thinks that Jeff the Drunk will come in with about 15 points more than Eric. Howard said he thinks the spread will be about 7 points. Robin said she thinks that it'll be really close. Howard wanted to bet Robin on that but he knows he's going to lose a fortune on this. He said he has to bring in some money next week to make sure they can be right up until the end. Howard said the results are coming next Thursday. The contest is sponsored by ''Dinner for Schmucks.''
Steve said that they have a story about KC Armstrong and how he's driving a car legally for the first time in 5 years. He paid off an outstanding ticket he had. Howard said he needs to grow up a bit.
Steve said they have a story about Bubba the Love Sponge who had a blind man tattoo another man's ass. He said that the fans are hoping that he gets that TV show deal.
Steve said they also have a special Wrap Up Show from the Hard Rock today. Jon Hein came in after that and ran down his Wrap Up Show preview.
Howard had Steve Brandano come in with his Intern Show preview. Steve mentioned a couple of things they'd be going over tonight at 7 on Howard 101. He said they have an epileptic intern they'll be talking to.
Robin got to her news and read a story about a mom who molested 4 boys who were friends of her 13 year old daughter. The boys were 14 years old. Robin read the details of that the woman allegedly did. Howard joked that his mother did the same to his friends. Robin said the kid that complained was one that didn't get in on the fun.
Robin read a story about Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston where they say that they have not signed up for a rumored reality show.
Robin read a story about a Russian company that sent a donkey up in the air on a parasail. The donkey was screaming in fear as it was towed behind a boat. Robin read that people just took pictures and didn't call the police as this was going on.
Robin read a story about this new law about surgically altering pets by removing their vocal chords. Robin said that they want to stop people from doing that and the law is named after a dog that was rescued from a surgery. Howard said he's seen some ads for something that stops dogs from barking. He said he might have to get one to calm Fred down in the studio. He told Gary to get that thing and get some dogs up there.
Robin read about a flight that had to land early because 30 people were injured when it hit some turbulence. Robin said that 4 of them were crew members.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that he took that IQ test and when he asked about a glass of water the guy was going to take the books with him. He said the guy didn't want him to cheat. Howard said it's a serious test. He said he wants the real results too so that's why they don't want cheating. Jeff said he thinks that he's the smartest Wack Packer and he'll break 100 on the test. Jeff said the guy told him at the end of the test that they'd be surprised with the results. Howard laughed and said that could go either way.
Robin read a story about how boys are reading less than girls so they're trying to come out with more stuff that young boys would like. She said there are more books about farts and things like that coming out. They're doing whatever they can to get the boys interested in reading. Howard said he used to read comic books and he considered that ''reading.'' Robin said that you have to practice reading once in a while. Howard said he does that. He said he'd read a book about how to get laid.
Robin read some more news about Lindsay Lohan and how her career may be stalled at this point. She was Tweeting last night about what's going on and she was saying she doesn't want her father anywhere near her. Howard said maybe the guy should leave her alone. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about how this could be good for her career. Howard said that Michael Lohan was on Larry King last night. Robin had some clips from that show to play too. They talked about how creepy Michael Lohan is after playing those clips.
Robin read a story about an investigation into BP possibly having something to do with the release of the Pan Am bomber to Libya.
Robin read some audio clips of Alvin Green to play. Howard went through those and talked about what a joke it is that the guy is running for Senate.
Robin had some news about Elena Kagan that she went through. High Pitch Eric called in too and said that he's not going to cheat on that IQ test. He said he's going to take it legitimately and do really well on it. Howard said this is ridiculous. Howard asked why he would even suggest to Irish John that he cheat. Eric said that they were saying that he was borderline retarded. He said that he's going to pass with flying colors. Howard said you don't pass or fail this test. It's an IQ test. Eric said he's going to do well on it. Mariann from Brooklyn was there with Eric so she asked if she could take it. Howard quickly said no and got off the phone.
Robin got back to the Elena Kagan stuff she had. She moved on to talk about how Ice T is talking about his run in with cops earlier in the week. He was pulled over for not wearing a seat belt and then got arrested for driving on a suspended license. He tweeted about the whole thing according to Robin.
Howard asked Robin if she's still Tweeting. Robin said she was doing it last night. She was talking about Angelina Jolie's new movie. JD came in and said that he disagrees with Robin about her Tweets about that movie. She said that Robin said that she wasn't using her powers as a woman. They argued about that but Howard cut them off saying this is why he doesn't follow anyone's Tweets. Howard told JD to give up. JD said he'll fight her on Twitter instead.
Robin read a story about a movie about John Lennon's childhood that's coming out. Howard wondered if he'd ever see that movie. He didn't think he would.
Robin said she's seen a lot of lemonade stands out there lately. She said it's more than usual. Robin said that some girls had their proceeds stolen last weekend but they're going right back out to sell again. Robin said that 3 teens tricked them and the one guy who had the money was able to run off and get away with the money.
Robin read a story about a priest who had been working as a volunteer for the special Olympics. Robin said that they've sued the church and they are demanding that they reveal if they have any child molesters in the church. Howard said if he was the pope he'd just do away with the whole celibacy thing. Howard said that Gary can't even look at a nun after the way they treated him when he was growing up. He said Gary got smacked in the ear by a nun so hard once that he heard ringing in his ear.
Robin read a story about Facebook. They say that the founder may have given away 84 percent of the company to someone who hired him at Harvard. The company's assets were frozen and they've asked the courts to put a stop to that. Howard said that company is worth like $12 billion.
Robin said that United Airlines is thinking about charging more fees for bags that you bring on your flight. Robin said that they're making millions on that already. Howard said he just wears all of his clothes on the plane in layers. He said he looks like the Marshmallow man in Ghost Busters.
Robin read that there's a recall of some chicken nuggets going on right now. They may have pieces of plastic in them. They were sold under the brand ''Great Value.''
Robin read about how Oakland, California has legalized the growing of medical marijuana. There are some rules about how they can do it though.
Robin read a story about a cop that was caught sleeping on the job. His pictures were sent to a TV station. Howard wondered who sent the pictures in. Fred joked that it was Scott DePace. Howard said that the guy said that he was deeply embarrassed and that had never happened before. Howard said that in his Baba Booey voice.
Robin read about a wealthy woman who will be beach combing in The Hamptons this summer. Robin said that the woman is renting a place for half a million dollars for 2 weeks. She's out there looking for a guy with money since she's out there. Howard was ready to send Benjy out there to hook up with that woman.
Robin read a story about The Jersey Shore TV show. The cast members have called off their strike. They will be shooting the third season of the show and all of the cast will be returning except for Angelina.
Robin read about how David Letterman is doing cyber concerts with his music guests. They did one with Sheryl Crow this week. They're web casting these concerts. Howard said Dave probably has nothing to do with that and probably doesn't care.
Robin had some news about Jay Roach who directed ''Dinner for Schmucks'' and had some audio of him talking about directing Zach Galifinakis in the movie.
Robin had some audio of Leonardo DiCaprio talking about his movie ''Inception'' that Howard cut off after a few seconds. They wrapped up and ended the show a short time later, right around 10:45am.
Jon mentioned some picks that he would make in the fantasy football picks. He took a call from a guy who had some suggestions as well.
Gary showed up and said that they had a good crowd there. He said he and Tim ran down there as fast as Tim could run.
Jon told Gary he spoke to Eric about the IQ test. He said that Eric thinks that he can beat Jeff the Drunk. Gary said he doesn't think that Jeff is stupid and he probably can't beat him. He doesn't think that Eric is stupid either though. He asked Eric if he knew what IQ stood for. Eric didn't know.
Gary said that Howard did a great job of describing what was going on with him and Scott DePace. He said that Scott always has a ''but'' to throw in there when that fight comes up. Gar said that it's become that he has it in for him. Gary said that Scott must be pissed because people must be giving him crap about it.
Jon said that they can't even replace Andrea because she gets crazy whenever they talk about that. Gary said they were thinking about having her sister take over for a while but Andrea apparently freaked out over that so they put a stop to that.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the Andrea interview and how different she sounded today. Gary said that he had weird conversation with her. He said that he congratulated her on surviving and she didn't seem to be so happy about that. He said she has this second chance and she's not happy. The caller said she sounded more together than she has been before. He said she sounded more honest.
The caller asked if they think that Andrea has a higher IQ than Eric. Gary said he would throw her in the pool with Eric, Eric the Midget and KC. Jon said he thinks that Eric would test higher than Andrea. Gary said he's not sure about that.
The caller was also asking if it was Eric's idea to cheat on the IQ test. Jon asked Eric if it was his idea. Eric said it was his idea at first. Then Eric said he knew what IQ stood for and said it twas ''Intelligence Questionnaire.'' Someone obviously tried to help him out but he got it wrong.
Scott the Engineer came in to talk about why Howard wasn't able to get the station that he wanted in the studio. Scott said that it's an XM station and they have to have the Best of XM package to get that channel. Gary said they can't possibly have to buy packages like that. Scott said that he has to call engineering to get them to send that signal into the studio. Scott said that the radio in the studio wasn't updated yet either. He said that was as simple as he could make that explanation.
Gary asked why Howard can't just get all of the channels through the computer. Scott said they've asked that question before. He said he was told they can't do it because they don't have enough incoming lines. Scott said that they don't get the Washington channels that come from XM. Jon wasn't following.
Gary said that he's pretty sure that the owner of the company can hear any channel he wants. Scott said that he thinks he does too but he was told differently. He said now that Howard has complained, they're going to make it happen.
Jon asked Scott what he thought of Andrea today. Scott said that she's gained some weight. He said it's not that much but she used to be very tiny and thin. He said she's probably on a lot of medications that make her gain weight. He said that he'd never know she was in an accident based on what he saw today.
Jon thanked the crowd that was at the Hard Rock for coming in. He took a call from a guy who said that Andrea is mad at the world but she brought this on herself. Gary said that she was saying that she was mad at the world when he spoke to her but this guy is right. He said it was her own fault.
Jon said that Howard asked her what she was looking for and she was pretty candid about what she wanted. Teddy played a clip of Andrea talking about what she wanted in her life and how she needs someone to love and money.
After the clip Jon said that Andrea was pretty blunt about what she wants. Gary said that it is hard to find love and money. He said it doesn't always work out that way.
Jon said that they'd take questions from the audience today. He told the fans to raise their hands if they had any questions.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Andrea is still going through a lot and she could change. Gary said that she has been through a lot. She had a major trauma in her life. Maybe some day she'll get there but what if she doesn't. Jon said that Andrea did tell some stories about her daughter and how she might be a chip off the old block. They may end up with another Miss Howard Stern in a few years.
Jon said that Lisa G was there. He said a quick hello to her and then took a call from Wheels. Wheels asked how Andrea's face looked. Howard said she looked good but she did have some weight to it. He said that you can't tell she was in an accident. Wheels said that she has to take more responsibility for her driving.
JD wasn't comfortable in front of the crowd there. He said that he didn't like seeing that Eagles mascot there.
Jon had Teddy play a clip from the Sandra Bernhard interview where Howard and Sandra were talking about her looks. After that clip Jon and Gary talked about how she's always been honest about that kind of stuff.
JD was trying to joke about some stuff but he didn't like being there with the crowd. He said he ''shouldn't have came.''
Jon asked Gary about this Lisa Lampanelli feud thing. Gary said that he's been in the green room with some female comedians before and they can be really brutal with each other when the others are on stage.
Jon said that he was really surprised that JD showed up down there today. JD has been involved in Fantasy sports stuff before and he's won. JD said he's big into fantasy and he loves to be involved in that. Everyone laughed when he said he was into fantasy.
That led to the guys talking about more fantasy sports stuff for a few minutes. Jason was there too and said that they had to drag JD down there. He said that JD was complaining about it on the whole walk down there. JD was upset with Gary about not asking him to advise him with this fantasy football thing.
JD said that he heard Gary talking about how he was going to do this stuff with someone else and he thought it was going to be him. Then he heard Gary say he wanted to do it with his son Jackson.
Gary said that he and his son are really into it and they spent all Sunday evening at dinner talking about the fantasy football stuff.
Jason said that JD has opened up a Twitter war with Robin. He explained to Jon what went on with that earlier on the show. Gary said he tuned that out on the radio and he's not sure he'd watch it on Twitter.
Jon said that Scott and JD have transformed into two different people lately. He said that Scott has lost weight and he's working as a DJ. JD has become this confident ladies man. JD said he really hasn't. Gary said that he's not a ladies man, he's a ''lady'' man. He is more confident now though.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why Sandra was on the show today. Gary said that Howard and Sandra are good together and they don't even need to find an angle for her. They have plenty to talk about.
Jon brought up the story that they told about Beth's massage. They spent a minute on that subject. Gary said he wouldn't have a problem with his wife getting a massage from a dude. He said that he has to have a woman massage him. He said that he would understand if his wife would want a massage from a man.
Gary said that Jason once walked in on him when he was getting a massage. He said they were out doing a show and he was getting into the massage and he heard a knock on the door. He said that the knocking got louder and louder and then Jason came in and asked if he was there. He had to pay for the whole $200 massage after just 10 minutes.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if JD sounded more coherent in front of this crowd. Gary said he sounded the same to him. JD said that there are still those long pauses. The caller also asked about Miss Howard Stern saying that she wished that she were dead before 30. The guys didn't remember hearing that.
Another caller said he felt that Robin was very insensitive toward Miss Howard Stern. He said that Robin told her that she should be a race car driver when she said she drives at 120 and closes her eyes. Jason said he thought Robin had some good advice for her today other than that comment.
Gary said that he sprung a surprise game on Sal today and he asked him questions that he's asked other people. He said the game should be a good one. They talked about how they think that Richard could beat Sal in the IQ test thing.
Gary said that Sal's excuse for everything is that if he's not interested in something then he's not going to learn it. He said he'll say that it's not information he needs to do his job.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard seems to be losing it lately the way he's responding to people with this neurosis he has. Jason said that Howard has been complaining about his shrink a lot lately and maybe that's just not working.
Jon asked Scott the Engineer about going in to adjust the temperature in the studio yesterday. Scott said that it's just a button he has to push. He said that he has to duck down behind Howard to adjust it. He said it's obscured behind him. Jason said that it's funny that Howard can't control that or the channels there but he has a control on his board to control the Robo-Spanker.
Jason said that he had to get Howard some hot water and he jumped out of his seat to do that. Scott is the opposite and he just takes his time to do it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was surprised that the story about Ralph and Sandra didn't come up today. Gary said he thought they cleared that up at some other time.
Jon took a question from Mariann from Brooklyn who was in the audience there. Mariann said that she can't believe that Andrea is still blowing it after getting this second chance. She also went off on Scott DePace because she hates what he did to Gary. Gary said that Mariann looks great and doesn't match that voice.
Jon took another question from an audience member who asked if they think that Beth wants to check out her bi-side after hearing the show today. Gary said he's not sure about that.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she hopes Howard doesn't retire because he may never leave his house if he does. She said that happened to her mother.
After the break Jon came back and said that Gary had something to say. Gary said that they were live on E Street Radio because they had Southside Johnny there to perform. He introduced them and they took over and played through the end of the Wrap Up Show.
Howard started the show talking about how they had Tracy Morgan coming in today. They also have Medicated Pete stopping in for an update. He said that should take about 5 minutes.
Howard said that the guys out in the office were messing with his computer and it was all changing from the set up he had. He said he had it all set up and now it's not right. Howard said he's been dealing with this for 5 years now.
Gary came in and said that they don't know why this happens. He said that he's asked the engineering department about it and they don't know why it does this. Howard said the page just changes. He said he's not even near his mouse. Gary said he'd tell them again.
Howard said that it is happening and he doesn't want to talk to Gary about it. He said that they can say it's not happening but it is. If someone is playing on the computer out there he wants to know.
Howard said he wasn't happy about the Wrap Up Show yesterday. It was unlistenable. He said they had echo going on because they were doing a live show. He said the show is good when they do it right. He said if it didn't work they'd get rid of it. Robin said there was no reason for it. She said that they weren't sure if they should call on the live audience or not.
Howard said Ross Zapin wanted him to stop by the show too but that would have been anti-climactic... or something. He said he was listening and getting pissed about the sound. He said that made Tim get stressed out. He said he heard that they had a Philadelphia Eagles mascot over there and it was so distracting during the show. He said Gary was upset that he was doing a whole act out there while they were trying to do this show. He said Gary asked Jim McClure to get him out of there. They did that but then the mascot came back and did the same thing. Howard said he was totally fucking the guys up. It turns out that Tim kept sending him back in.
Howard said he loves Tim but he doesn't get it sometimes. Howard said when Gary said he wanted him out of there, he meant it. Howard said it's too hard to compete with something like that out there in the audience. Howard said JD had trouble talking because of the mascot and he had no idea what was going on. It sounded like a pig fuck.
Howard said that the whole thing was stupid. He usually says no to stupid things like this. If he didn't then they'd hear a lot of really stupid stuff on the air. He said they were launching this Fantasy Sports channel and it turns out that his SIRIUS fans can't even get that channel without the Best of XM package. He said he turned down this show at first. He didn't get why his people had to go over and do that live at the Hard Rock show. He said that it doesn't make sense and he can't get a legitimate explanation about it.
Howard said that they wanted them to promote the fantasy sports package but you have to get it on XM. He said that the guys don't know how to handle the live audience so the whole thing was stupid.
Howard said he had to give in on the promotion because he just has to do that once in a while. He knew it was going to suck. He said he was hoping that they'd prove him wrong but they didn't.
Howard said he knows radio and he's right 100 percent of the time about what's good and what's not. He said he just knew that this wouldn't work. He said the whole thing was completely misguided.
Howard played a clip from the show where JD got distracted and there was echo going on. Jon had echo on his mic and then JD was unable to speak because he was thrown off by the live audience and the Eagles mascot. Howard said the audience was laughing at the mascot and not even at JD. He said that he had no idea what was going on.
Howard said you would have no idea what was going on if he hadn't explained it to people. He said he was tearing the hair out of his head listening to it. He said he was right. The Wrap Up Show will remain in the studio from now on. No more location shows. He said he obsesses over these shows and satellite radio. He said he's the ultimate team player but some of the stuff they do there is just so shitty. Howard said he knew this one would be fucked up.
Howard said the echo was making him nuts. Robin asked where they were in the restaurant. Gary said the place is pretty cavernous. Howard said they used to go out to Las Vegas and he'd shake for a month before going. They always had technical problems and people couldn't hear the show. He said that it was one horrible mess after another. He said management would ask why he didn't want to go. He said he'd tell them to fuck off. He said they can't handle a live broadcast. He said they eventually made it okay but it was his worst nightmare.
Howard said radio just sucks. He said they're back to just playing records on terrestrial now. He said that they can't compete. They don't know how to create magic. He said that he could reach 500 million people on Facebook with an ad and there's no reason to put one on terrestrial radio while they play the same songs over and over again. He said satellite has to get the best talent and be as innovative as hell. He said Scott Greenstein is trying to do that. He said that Tim is great with their channels too. Howard said he would have quit a long time ago without Tim.
Howard said that terrestrial radio is in trouble now. He said they used to make tons of money but they're just not able to do it anymore. Howard said he was going crazy yesterday over this whole thing.
Howard played the clip and Jay said that Opie and Anthony are the ''biggest radio show on satellite radio.'' Howard said that was his lame little dig at him. Howard said that he should get on the air and just call him a piece of shit. Jay doesn't have the balls to do that.
Howard said Jay is a stupid prick and he hates him. He said he hopes he runs into him somewhere so he can tell him that to his face. Robin asked if Jay even goes out. Howard said he does. He goes out in those cars he has. He said he goes out driving around in antique cars with a big scarf and goggles on. He said he hopes the scarf gets caught in the engine and chokes him to death. Howard said Jay is too much of a pussy to say anything about him. He said that the guy is a boring fuck.
Howard played a clip of Stephen talking about how entertaining Mel Gibson has been and how he's still a fan. The clip was from TMZ. They had Stephen saying that people want to see Mel fall instead of get back up. Robin figured Stephen was just looking for a job. Howard said she might be right.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was right about the Wrap Up Show. He said that it really was horrible. The guy said they care just like Howard does. Howard said he cares and he wants things to sound good until he leaves that place... and said that will be soon. Howard said he shouldn't have allowed it to happen. He said they beat him up until he gives in. He said there are a lot of people who don't care on radio and they've been thrown on a heap. He said he's not like Oprah who will put any shit on her channel. Howard said he cares and that leads to people nudging him there. He said they have to stop with the live broadcasts. He said that the fantasy sports channel is something he doesn't even understand. Howard said he can't believe people waste time with that.
Howard asked what they do when they do the fantasy sports thing. He asked if they make believe they're coaches or something. JD came in and said that it's like playing chess in a way. Howard said JD's brain is as soft as his body. JD explained how you choose the players you think will do well... Howard cut him off and said he knows what it is. He told him to stop wasting his time doing that.
JD said he has to put in $130 to play. Howard told him that's a waste of money he doesn't have to waste. Howard asked JD if he has any money saved up so he can retire. JD said he does have some money. Howard said he can't leave radio because of guys like this.
Howard asked JD if he's still with the girl he wasn't able to blow a load with. JD said he is still with her but he had to jerk off to cum the latest time. Howard said he can't believe that he had to jerk off. JD told him to keep laughing. Howard said he heard this girl is really hot. Ronnie told him that she's a real knock out. Howard said all you need is one girl. He said JD is in the game now.
Howard asked if this was a date or a booty call. JD said he was able to go over to her house so it was kind of a booty call. Howard said he can't believe the guy isn't in love. JD said he just doesn't put that emotion out there. Howard said he used to fall in love with a girl if she just talked to him. Robin said that JD isn't even able to speak about this. She made fun of the way he was trying to get his words out about this.
Howard asked if JD is going to start bringing her around to stuff. JD said he's only hung out in the last week of so. Howard asked if she's said she loves him yet. JD said she hasn't.
Gary said he thinks that Sal got one question right in the IQ general knowledge test section. The questions that he asked Sal were the questions that Sal has asked strippers multiple times.
Howard played one question where Gary just lost it and laughed his ass off. Howard played it and it was ''In what country did the great potato famine take place?'' Sal's answer was ''Idaho.'' Gary just lost it and laughed his ass off at that answer. Sal didn't understand why he was laughing so hard. Then Sal laughed because Gary was slapping himself in the face trying to stop his laughing.
Howard had Sal come in so he could talk to him about this. He said Sal is like retarded. He said he's worried about him and his IQ test. Robin asked if he helps his kids with their homework. Sal said he does. Sal said that Gary's question went by so fast and all he heard was potatoes so that's the answer that came up. He had just watched a special on TV about potatoes.
Gary asked if the IQ tester laughed at all. Sal said he did let out a pretty big laugh at one time. He said that the guy had some questions about geographical stuff and he's not good at that. He said he's good at prank calls and things. He said if the stuff doesn't interest him so he doesn't care.
Howard said he's not sure that general knowledge should be part of an IQ test. He's not sure how that works because some people aren't exposed to the same information. Sal said he thought Gary was setting him up in this thing because the questions sounded familiar.
Howard played some more questions so here are a few of the questions and Sal's answers:
Sal kept saying that you don't need that shit in your life. He said that he doesn't need to know what the Roman Numerals are and things like that. He said you never use stuff in your life. When he got Washington wrong, he thought California was right. He had no idea it was Alaska. Sal said he never saw Football as a gridiron either. He said he had never heard that term and he doesn't care about sports. Howard didn't know the Hamilton question.
Howard said they get the idea that Sal doesn't know a lot of stuff. He said they should have asked Richard the same stuff. They'll find out next week how smart everyone is with the IQ test results.
Howard told Sal he should probably go. He said he can't believe he was a stockbroker. Sal said he was very successful as a stockbroker. Sal said he gave Gary a chance to make $64,000 in a week one time and he passed on it. Gary said he gave hi a lot of other opportunities to not make money. He said he opened an account with Sal and thought about what he was doing and decided not to do it.
Gary asked Tim how he got back in there the second time. Tim didn't know. He said he was out front so he didn't send him out there. He said he wasn't supposed to be there for their show. Howard said he's glad Tim didn't do that. Howard said that's what Gary said happened. Gary said he got bad information.
Gary said he had good information from the sources before but they must have been wrong this time. Howard said he should have checked his sources. He told Gary to ask why they said it was Tim. Howard said he wants to interview the mascot now. Gary said that the mascot came over to him after the show and told him that he was a 20 year fan of the show. Meanwhile he couldn't see who was even in there.
Howard said the name of the mascot is Swoop and they don't even know who the guy is inside the costume. Tim said that he's seen the guy before. He said he's seen him at events in the past. He said that he makes a living doing that as far as he knows. Howard said that guy has more job security than JD has.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the mascot was probably the Tradio guy fuckin' with their show. Howard said that made no sense. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and complained about the mascot spraying her with silly string and how bad the sound quality was there. Howard said he already went over all of that. He said she can really make him nuts sometimes. He hung up on her.
Howard said that they knew the sound was bad already. He told her to just stop it. Howard wondered what was going on with the fantasy football channel now.
The caller said that Howard is going to be Mel Gibson in 3 years. Howard said maybe this guy can sleep over with him next week. Beth is going off to her High School Reunion next week. He said she doesn't want him to go. He said she's sparing him from that. He said he's sure that she doesn't want him stealing the attention. That's her thing and she wants the attention herself.
Howard said he hated high school and he'd never go to a reunion. He said he was probably considered a douche anyway. He said that he went to classes and wasn't even able to wear jeans. He said his mom wouldn't let him. He said every other kid was wearing them. He said he wore khaki like pants and looked like a douche. He said his mom thought the teachers would like that. Howard said the teachers would have liked if he had just paid attention.
Howard talked about what it was like going to school in Rockville Centre and how the teachers knew he wouldn't be able to compete there after going to Roosevelt. Howard said no one was real nice to him over there either. They were nice once he got on WNBC. That's when people started contacting him like he was one of their friends. Robin said she loves people who keep going back to reunions and stuff. She said that if they really liked each other they would have stayed in touch.
Howard said Beth was home coming queen so she has to go back. He said she has to live up to that and she's going to do fine. He said she's not going back as some big, fatso. Howard said that a lot of women will probably wonder who she married. She'll have to tell them that it's Howard Stern.
Howard said Beth is going away for the week. Then her family is coming out to his place to party and hang out for a few days without him. Howard said he has to work for a couple of days before going out to the house. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said he has a real emotional problem. Robin asked if his therapy is working because they were talking about that on the Wrap Up Show. Howard said it is working in some ways. In other ways it's not. He said he wants to feel good and be more independent. Robin said he's getting there. Howard said he gave his shrink a D- grade the other day just based on how he's doing with him so far. Howard said his other patient is Mel Gibson. That should show you how good he does.
Howard said that he sounded like Mel Gibson in his therapy session the other day. Fred played some Mel clips while he was on that subject.
Howard said it's best when he's the most famous in the room. He said he's going to be taping about 10 hours of History of Howard Stern stuff this weekend. He said that's when he does that stuff. Howard said when they do the interviews they ask about stuff he doesn't remember doing. Robin said she has no recollection of that stuff either. Howard said they have to refresh his memory about a lot of that.
Lisa said they also spoke to Stephanie Szostak from ''Dinner with Schmucks'' if she would sleep with Howard. She said that she was running out and she told her that she was married so she wouldn't. Howard said that he's married too so she didn't ask the question right. Lisa mentioned another story they had and Howard let her go after that.
Howard said he saw Prince one night and he turned out all of the lights. He said that Pete keeps the lights on. He said he was thinking about how sad it is that Pete is gone. He said Pete seems kind of sad because he really misses the place. Howard said Pete is back to going to the library every day instead. Howard said they found him in the library and it was Kathy Tobin who found him. He said that she thought he'd be good on the show. Howard said she knew right away that he was a winner.
Howard asked Pete if all of his gigs have dried up now. Pete said they have. He goes to the library and talks to the nice women there. Pete said they're very helpful.
Howard said he was reading Gary's book (They Call Me Baba Booey) and he was talking about how there were people who would just hang out in Record World and go through the records all day long. Gary said his mom would call there asking for her son and all the kid did was flip through the records. He said there were a few guys just like that. Howard said that's basically what Pete is doing.
Pete said he goes to the library around 2. He sleeps until 11. Howard asked Pete what else he does during the day. Pete has absolutely nothing going on. He eats his breakfast and walks to the library. He said it takes a long time to get there even though it's under a mile. He said it's like 10-15 minutes. Pete then sets up at the library and works at a computer station. He said it's not his designated station but he uses that one.
Howard asked if he ever gets there and all of the computers are taken. Pete said that has happened. He said he knows how to work it so he can use it for how long he wants. He said he can move quick if he sees people coming out.
Howard asked if he's on it for an hour. Pete said they have a 3 hour limit. He said he never uses it that long. Pete said he'll use it for like an hour and move on. Pete said he's posting his resume and things like that.
Howard asked Pete if he's ever gotten a response about his resume. Pete laughed and said no. He said he goes to the library just to get out of the house. He said he wants to do things in a different venue instead of just staying home and working on the computer. Pete said he goes out for lunch too. Robin said that's like his lunch break at work. Pete joked that he has to punch out to get lunch. Then he comes back and does the afternoon session. Pete said he sticks around until 3:30 or 4 at the library.
Howard asked Pete if there are other regulars there. Pete said there are. He said he talks to some of the guys. He said they're like normal, decent people. Pete said that he's been going to the library for many years. He said it's been like at least 4 years or 3 1/2 years. Howard asked if he reads books. Pete said that his Tourette's he can't read. He said he has to see things on a computer screen or something like that. Howard said that's ironic that he goes to the library and he can't read books.
Howard asked if they have different events going on at the library. Pete said they have theme nights and stuff. He doesn't go to them. He said he doesn't know the Librarian's name either. He said he does talk to them though.
Pete said he talks to Kathy Tobin over there because she works there. He said he has a library card too but he only has that so he can use the internet for free.
Pete doesn't go to the library on the weekends because it's closed. Howard said that every day is like Sunday to Pete. He said he should go there then too. Pete said they're closed so he can't.
Howard asked if Pete is still seeing that girl. Pete said that Sarah is still in his life and he is still seeing her. He said that he's not making appearances now though. Howard said he had his own app on the iPhone. Pete said he got a check the other day and got 50 bucks from that. He said it's been declining but it's still making some money.
Howard asked Pete if this chick is still into him. Pete said she is. He said she encourages him to do other things other than going to the library. He said she wants him to find something else.
Howard said he heard that Sarah was there so he had the guys bring her in. Sarah came in and Howard said she looks pretty. He said it's weird that she's into him. He said she's so normal looking. He said it must be weird for her parents. Sarah said that they probably do think it's weird. She takes Pete to family stuff now and then. Howard asked how the sex is with him. She said it's great. She said he's good in bed but he does have some growing up to do.
Howard asked Sarah if she feels he's mooching off of her. She said that she does pay for all of their meals together. Pete was pealing skin off his fingers and it was annoying her so she tried to stop him. She said it really annoys her.
Howard asked how often they bang. Sarah said it's like 4-5 times a week. She said that she has to go over and pick him up. She said she lets him stay over so she doesn't have to drive him home. Sarah said that his mom thanked her for getting him out of the house. Pete didn't hear that conversation though.
Howard asked Sarah if she would marry Pete. She said she would if he had a good job. Howard said that's not going to happen. Howard asked what kind of job he would need. She said anything that gets him out of the house would be great. Pete said he has nothing on the horizon right now. Howard said he could go to Trader Joes and work or something. He could be a stock boy. Howard said he could work his ass off and they could end up making him a manager. Howard said he could make a fortune doing that. He could even be a mascot for the Eagles. Pete said he has had offers for things like that. Sarah said she hasn't heard anything like that. Pete said he was talking about when he was in high school.
Howard said he's going to call the Knicks and ask if they want to design some kind of mascot for Pete to play. He said he could play ''Mr. Knick.'' Pete said that would be really cool. Sarah said that she's not going to drive him there. Howard said he can take the train. Howard said he can be ''The Knick with the Tick.''
Gary said that they had a guy call who said he has a job for Pete standing behind a desk at a gym saying hi to people. Sarah said he could do that. He likes to say hi to people. Pete said he could do that. Howard tested him out and he thinks that he could probably do that.
Gary asked why Sarah moved Pete's hand away. Howard told him about the skin peeling thing. Howard told Pete to just stop it. He was making more ticks and noises than usual. Sarah said he knows when he's picking and doing that stuff. She said she tells him to stop but he just keeps doing it.
Howard said Pete's lifestyle seems to be pretty good. He gets to fuck a chick and he just hangs out in the library. Howard said that JD does the same thing with his skin picking. Howard said JD picks the skin off so it must be all of the nervous guys that do that.
Howard asked if they want to check into the desk job. Sarah said she'll drive him there today. Pete liked the mascot idea too. Howard said Pete could end up with this lifestyle again some day if he makes enough money. Howard said this is the lifestyle he aspires to. Howard said he'd rather sit around picking his thumbs all day until they fall off.
Howard said that Pete is in something called The Remy Burbee Mix Up. Pete said it's a short film that he was in. Pete said he got paid for it too. It was a legit acting job. Howard asked how he got that. Pete said someone saw him on this show. You can find out more about the film at TheMixUpFilm.com. He said it's kind of a mockumentary kind of thing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had Pete working for him but he quit. He said he gave him a shot handing out fliers. He said he was going to give him $10 for every customer that came in but he quit. Pete said the guy never called him. Sarah said she dropped him off in front of the store. Pete said they did this on July 3rd. The caller said he wanted him to do it twice a week. Pete said he never got the messages on his phone. Howard said Sarah was saying that she dropped him off. Sarah said Pete went on and on about what he was going to do that weekend and Pete said it went fine. Pete said he just did it that one day. The caller said that he gave Pete $40 for like 3 or 4 hours of work. It wasn't clear why Pete gave it up.
Another caller asked why Sarah is going out with Pete. The guy wanted to know how long she's going to put up with this. It didn't sound like Pete wanted to work. The guy told Pete he should knock her up so she can't get rid of him. Sarah said that she can't even leave the house with him and the dog because the house is trashed when she gets home. She said that the dog gets into stuff and Pete makes a mess too.
Sarah said she had a foster puppy a few weeks ago and Pete didn't even notice the shit on the floor. Howard said Pete probably just didn't want to clean it up. Pete said he was sitting on the couch and he didn't notice it. Howard asked if he does the dishes or anything. Sarah said he doesn't. She said that she finds napkins all over the house that are crumpled up with food in them. Howard told Pete he should help out. Sarah said that she asks him to help and he will but she has to tell him to do it. Pete said he does help with some stuff. Howard said this girl is great and he can't let her go. Pete said he knows that. He said he loves her.
Another caller said that this guy is living the life. He said he's jealous. He said he used to get a kick out of the guy but today he's just annoyed by him.
Pete said he loved getting up at 4 in the morning to come to work there. He said he knew he had to be somewhere and he liked that. Howard asked if Sarah is going to let Pete go if things don't change. She said he really has to get a job. Robin asked how long this can go on. Sarah said she hopes he finds something by the end of the summer. Pete said the clock is ticking. Howard said he hopes this health spa job works out.
Howard said that Pete is a good guy. He said he could work at a gym and welcome people. He said High Pitch Eric is working so Pete should be able to find some work.
Howard gave Pete some more plugs for the movie he's in. He said Pete is still looking for some work. Sarah said people ask what he does for a living and she's embarrassed when she doesn't have an answer. She said that she avoids the question. Howard asked if her parents were freaked out by Pete. She said they weren't freaked out but they did talk to her about it after they met him.
Sarah said that Pete has come over for dinner at her brother's house and he just sat there picking skin off his fingers. Howard asked why he can't stop that. Pete said it's the compulsion to do it that he can't stop. He said he just can't help it. Robin said he must not have a choice in it. Pete said he didn't pick his skin when he was working there. Robin wondered who can employ Pete.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Pete could be a milk man. Pete laughed. Robin said he can't drive. Pete just laughed some more. He said it's funny that people are offering him these jobs. Pete said that him being a milkman is just funny. The caller said that he starts at 1 in the morning and he's done right now at 8 in the morning. The guy said he could give Pete $300 a week doing that. Howard asked Pete if he could do that. Pete said he's not sure if he could do that with a big stick shift. Pete said he's not saying he doesn't want the work. The caller said there's no one on the road at that time of night.
The caller said he was from the Morristown area of New Jersey. Pete is down south so he'd have quite a commute. Howard said that it is a job and he might be able to meet some people. Gary said that he has the health club job info too. Sarah said that would make her very happy if he got a job.
Robin asked Pete what other jobs he's had. Pete said he's worked in fast food places. He said he's worked in supermarkets and things like that. He said it didn't quite work out with the money situation. He said being responsible for receipts was tough for him. He said he screwed up. Howard said he was in over his head. He said he loves Pete and he's pulling for him.
Another caller said that Pete should meditate like Howard and just follow what he does and he'd be fine. Pete said he wants to be somewhat successful. Howard said he has to move along but he thinks that success is having a job where people respect you and like you. He said that Pete might be able to work his way up to be a manager or something some day. Pete agreed with him about that. Howard said that the milk man guy probably has a nice house and a wife and he makes a good living. Howard said the guy might make him a partner after 10 years or something if he does a good job.
The caller asked Howard if they're going to play the Mexican Delivery Game with Little Lupe. Howard said they're working on some stuff with Lupe but they have to get her in there with the creator of the Sybian first.
Howard wrapped up with Sarah and Pete. He said that this woman Sarah is an angel. He said she's either and angel or she's mentally ill. He said she seems pretty normal to him. Sarah said that she is normal. She said that you can't have what you want all the time and he has to get a job in the meantime.
Howard said Pete needs to rise to the occasion and make Sarah proud. Sarah said she doesn't know what to tell people when they ask what he does. She said she'd like to have something to tell them. Pete said he wants to do well at whatever he does. Howard told Pete he's going to get a job handing out towels at a gym and then 10 years from now he owns the gym and dumps Sarah for a younger woman. He told him to go out and make that dream possible. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard came back and had Tracy Morgan come in. Howard said he could hear him out in the hall talking to people. Tracy said he was talking to ''Medical Pete'' out there. Howard asked Tracy if he realized that Benjy was the one who was goofing on him on the street the other day. Tracy said his assistant told him about it.
Howard said Tracy was out on the street the other day and he pulled his car over to say hi to his fans. Pete said his girlfriend was actually in the store shopping and the kids saw him so that's how it happened. Howard said that the kids were getting autographs so Benjy sees this happening randomly and he went over to Tracy and started yelling out ''Eddie! Eddie!'' He said Tracy looked at him like he was nuts. Tracy told him that he wasn't Eddie Murphy and Benjy kept going. Then Benjy started signing his name for him on the autograph stuff. Howard said that Benjy started yelling out that he was in Tracy's life and refused to leave him alone. Howard said Benjy started posing for pictures and then Tracy got in the car and tried to pull away. Benjy tried to get into the car with him. Tracy said that he was buggin' out and he was lucky he didn't have his crew with him. He said they would have stuffed him in a garbage can. He said he was getting mad with him and he was like Mel Gibson mad.
Tracy told Howard that white rage is even worse than black rage. He said that Mel Gibson is enraged. He said he's bummed that girl took him for a ride. Howard said that Mel used the N-word though. Tracy said that black people aren't upset about that. He said it's just the white people who get upset.
Howard said that Mel said he hopes a ''pack of niggers'' rape her. He said that Mel is making it sound like black guys hang out in packs like dogs. Tracy didn't seem to care. He said that he's not upset with him for that.
Tracy said he could do a movie with Mel now. He said he can get him cheap. He could beat Mel's ass on film. Howard said that Tracy could do a Mel Gibson movie for like 10 grand now.
Howard asked if the whole Will Smith thing drives him nuts. Tracy said that he's tired of seeing movies with white dudes being super heroes. Howard asked if Will Smith is doing the wrong thing with his kid. Tracy said he liked the movie. He said he can't tell someone how to raise their kids. Howard said you can tell them some things. Tracy said he's glad that his son is out there doing what he's doing and not something else.
Howard asked Tracy if he's ever yelled at a woman like Mel has. Tracy said he has done that. He also talked about how he and his wife got divorced and all of that.
Howard asked if Mel had the right to get so angry over the stuff he was yelling about in those clips. Tracy said he knew what he was getting into. He said that he shouldn't have gotten so angry with her for the implants thing.
Howard asked how Tracy ended up at the White House. Tracy said someone must have pulled his name out of a hat or something. He said that his PR people told him he was invited to the correspondence dinner at the White House and he was like ''what!?'' He said that he never thought he'd be at the White House. Tracy said that Obama is very street and he's got on a ''stop snitching'' t-shirt on under that suit he wears.
Howard asked Tracy about how he picks out what to wear to that event. Tracy said he has a designer that helps. He said he went there in a tux. Howard asked if he brought a date. Tracy said it was just him. He said he didn't get an invite for a date. Tracy does have a girlfriend and he's been living with her for 3 1/2 years now. Tracy said she just got her degree in business management. He said they went to Hawaii and chilled for a week. He said they got mobbed on the beach. He said she steps back from that stuff. Howard said she must love it. It must turn her on. Tracy said he thinks she's proud of him but she's with him.
Howard asked what Tracy said to the president. Tracy said that he would have been proud of him. He said that everyone was there. He said Morgan Freeman, Brad Pitt and other guys were there. He said it was like the Golden Globes to the sixth power. Tracy said that he was there too.
Tracy said he walked in and figured he was in that league now. He said that the President took a picture with him near his desk. He said you just walk into the room at this hotel the Hinkley Hilton or something like that. Tracy said he said hi to the president and he knew who he was. He said Michelle knew who he was too. Then Colin Powell came over to him and gave him a hug. Tracy said he was crying because he was overwhelmed with the whole thing. Tracy said he asked Colin if he could tell everyone that he was his biological father. He said Morgan Freeman was looking at him and he figured he couldn't place him. He then said to him ''Daddy?'' which scared Morgan.
Howard said that he got chills hearing that Tracy cried after Michelle said his name. He said his grandmother would have been proud of that. Tracy said you just have to believe. Tracy said he wouldn't change anything that happened in his life. It all made him who he is now.
Howard asked Tracy about the 30 Rock show and how brilliant he is on it. He said that has really done it for him. He said that he must love Tina Fey. Tracy said that she would put him in stuff on Saturday Night Live when they were on there. He said she always helped him out. Tracy said Tina knew he was smart and she believed in him. He said that Lorne Michaels also believed in him.
Howard asked how he got on SNL. Tracy said they came to the Comic Strip and saw him. He said that's where they got Chris Rock and Eddie Murphy from too. Tracy mentioned Jim Breuer during that discussion so Howard said that he really does a great impression of him. Tracy said that Jim was loved by the black people when they'd go out to clubs. He said that Jim just does things his way and that's the way to do it. He said Jim doesn't conform.
Howard asked Tracy if he's heard Jim do his voice. Tracy said he hasn't so Howard had a clip from the special he taped recently. In the clip Jim was introducing Tracy talking about how great he is. He then broke into his impression of Tracy. Tracy said he sounds just like him. He did an impression of Jim doing the impression of him.
Howard asked Tracy more about how he got on SNL. Tracy said he got an audition thanks to Barry Katz. He said Barry told them they had to see him because he was so funny. Tracy said that he had 3 kids and a wife on welfare at the time. Tracy said he had nothing to lose back then. Howard said he has something to lose now.
Howard asked Tracy about his recent move. Tracy said that he's living in midtown now and they have a lot of porn shops in the area. He said that they have shopping carts in the porn stores there. Howard said in the old days you used to be embarrassed to go into those shops. Now people have shopping carts. Tracy said that this dude had a whole cart full of stuff in that shop.
Howard asked if it was true that he bought Michael Jackson's glove a few years ago. Tracy said he did. Howard said he paid like $14,000 for it and people thought he was nuts. Now it's worth like 40-50,000. Tracy said he'll never sell it. He said Michael sweated in that thing. He's also going to buy one of Evel Knievel's helmets. He said he loved that guy. He said he pattered his life after him and Elvis. He said he wants one of Vanessa Del Rio's pussy lips when she dies.
Howard asked what he does with the glove. He said he has it in a case next to the first propeller hat he used. Howard asked if he ever tried it on. Tracy said he did try it on. He has it in storage now. He said he has a vision to eventually display that stuff. Gary said he took that Sybian thing the last time he was there. He took the plastic piece and a case.
Howard asked if he would buy Michael's corpse. Tracy said he'd let him rest in peace. He doesn't want anyone buying his corps. Howard said that the glove is worth a lot more now but it sounds like he's going to hold on to it. Tracy said he's not letting it go.
Howard asked Tracy about the Knicks not getting Lebron James. Tracy said he's glad he's not coming. He said the Knicks are trying to build a team and that guy was just a piece of the puzzle.
Howard asked Tracy about how he spoke to his mom recently. Tracy said he was on his way to Great Adventure and he called her. He said the last time he did that was a couple of years ago. Tracy said he was hanging out with his older brother and he asked how his mom was doing. He asked for her number and she actually called him. Tracy said he got to Great Adventure and gave her a call back. Howard asked if they cried. Tracy said they didn't. He said that he doesn't get to visit her much. He said that she lives out of state and he doesn't get a chance to get out there.
Tracy said he has his own family to take care of. He said his mom can do whatever she wants to do. Howard said he thinks that she could get off her ass and come visit him. Tracy said she could do that but he's not angry about it.
Tracy said he's angry at Lindsay Lohan for getting all of this press. He said he went to jail and didn't get that kind of press. He said he wants to know why he has to share the tube with Snookie. He said he wants to know here his next fuckin' movie is. He said he did one at the beginning of the summer with Al Pacino. He said that he blew his back out doing that movie. He said the movie is called ''No One's Son'' and he gets shot and it's awesome. He's not sure when the film is coming out though.
Howard asked if he learned anything from Al Pacino. Tracy said that Al told him to find inspiration to get up and go to his work. He said that Howard is inspired and that's why he shows up to work. Tracy said he finds inspiration in a lot of things. He said that people don't think that he and Robin are going to hook up but he will. He said that he'll get her knocked up. He said he could fill up half of that cup with his jizz. He said Robin is some find mother fuckin chocolate right there. He said she's got a crazy badonkadonk too.
He said he's masturbated to Robin so many times. He said he and Norm MacDonald were both douche bags when they were at SNL. He said that he'd masturbate there in the bathroom. He said he beat off in every bathroom at 30 Rock.
Howard said that Jim Breuer told a great story about faking a rape with Will Ferrell. Tracy said they'd do that every day over there. He said they did that because he was always in character.
Howard said Tracy is performing at Caroline's on Broadway this weekend. He said this is a rare opportunity to see him.
Howard asked how his son is doing now. Tracy said that he's 19 now and his girl may have licked his asshole. He said that his logic is all screwed up and that might be why.
Howard asked if he would ever let a reality show about his life be taped. Tracy said he'd have to get some big money to do that.
Tracy told Howard he has some black chicks that want to bang Howard. He said that most of his fans love Howard. He said they tell him that they hear him on the show. Howard said he likes that Remy Ma chick. He said that he thinks he could have had her. He said he wanted to bang black chicks when he was growing up but it never happened.
Tracy asked when he and Howard are going to have dinner and when Howard is going to come see him perform. Howard said that should happen soon. Tracy said that he had dinner with Rock. Howard said Chris Rock actually stood him up. Tracy said he wouldn't have stood him up.
Howard gave Tracy some more plugs for his Caroline's gig and Tracy said that he's working on a special that he'll be shooting soon. He's tightening the bolts on his act in this Caroline's thing. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and sang along to the song a little bit. Robin said they were just up there at SIRIUS recently.
Howard said someone played him a tape of Glenn Beck doing one of his live appearances and talking about his ''Macular dystrophy'' thing. He said that the guy was talking about it in a way that really upset him. He said he was thinking about how awful it would be to lose your vision. He said it was very upsetting to him. Robin said she thought it was terrible but she just moved on. Howard said he thinks he has it now.
Howard had Mike Walker on the line so he gave him an intro and some plugs. Howard told Mike that Benjy has a big hickey on his neck. He said he can't imagine the poor guy who gave it to him. Benjy said that he enjoyed it just as much as he did.
Mike said that he got a copy of a book that was written about Bon Jovi and they have some great pictures in there. He said they talk about Howard going to a show one time and how the guy took care of him. He said the book was interesting. He said the guy who wrote it sent it to him and wanted him to mention it on Howard sometime. That's what he was doing. It was called ''Sex Drugs and Bon Jovi.''
Howard asked Benjy about the hickey. Benjy said his skin is really sensitive so it could be just a gentle kiss and it bruises. He's also got a hair growing out the mole above the hickey. Howard moved on pretty quick after that.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Steve said they have a story about an employee there who may have lost his truck in a parking garage collapse. Steve said they have a story about Vinnie Favale's play ''Hereafter'' doing a six day run at a theater there in New York City. Check out Hereaftermusical.com for more info.
Howard had Eric the Midget on the phone. Eric said that he wanted to tell them that he's pretty much made the deal to appear on ''Fringe.'' Howard asked if it's a starring role or a cameo. He's going to have a co-starring role. Howard asked if he will be in the credits as a co-star. Eric said that is correct.
JD came in and said that he heard that Eric has been a pain in the ass. He said that Eric had to get a passport and that's a problem and there are problems with dates about going to the post office and stuff like that.
Howard asked if it's true that he was giving them a hard time about getting a passport. Eric said that they want him up there by the 29th and he's not sure how he's going to make that happen. Howard asked how long the shoot is. He said they want him on the 29th and it should be 2 or 3 days. Howard asked who will be helping him out up there. Eric said it's just him and his roommate. Howard asked if he's going to be staying in a top hotel in Canada. Eric said he's not sure. He's not expecting first class accommodations.
Eric said that he's going to have to check with his doctor about flying. He said he's not sure if he can. He said he will have to follow his doctor's orders. He said he's going to check it out today. He said this all happened just yesterday. Howard said he can't believe that this is going on. He said he should have checked before he signed on with them. JD said he's not even a fan of the show.
Howard told Eric to start driving now and maybe he'll be to Canada in time to shoot next week. Howard said they're all looking forward to seeing him on that show. Howard said it's odd that they didn't even give him and audition. He said it's also insane that Eric hasn't checked with his doctor yet. Eric said it's all got to do with altitude and oxygen. Howard let Eric go a short time later.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Howard said that thankfully the show won't be coming from the Hard Rock today. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to do a rapid fire thing with Howard. He said he had a bunch of questions for him that he didn't want him thinking about. The caller asked what would be worse, catching Beth in bed with John Stamos or texting 143 to Sal. Howard said the Sal thing is worse.
The caller also said that Shuli once asked if he would fuck his mom for a super power. Howard said he would. He said he'd like to be able to fly and he would fuck his mother for that. He said he would do it gladly. Robin said that would be the best comic book ever. Howard said it would be great. He said he'd do it even though he doesn't want to fuck his mom. He'd love that super power.
The caller also asked Howard if he retired and the show was about to end, does he think that Artie would come back to make a visit. Howard said he doesn't know about that. The guy wanted an over/under odds on that. Howard said he's not even sure how Artie is doing now. The caller said they could skip that.
The caller asked if Howard would be more devastated if there was a sex tape of Beth out there or Robin getting paralyzed in a car accident. Howard said the accident would be the worst of course.
The caller said he had an F, Marry Kill for him too. He gave him Emily, Deborah and Ashley. Howard told the guy to get off the phone, those are his daughters. He said that was a horrible thought.
Robin read a story about how two more women are accusing Al Gore of accosting them. Robin read that the National Enquirer is reporting this story. The two women are massage therapists.
Robin read that there's more controversy between Mel Gibson and Oksana's custody battle. They have new pictures of their daughter having a red mark on her face after an argument between Mel and Oksana. Robin said that they're also claiming that she may have tired to extort Mel. Authorities are investigating that now.
Howard suggested that they get transcripts of the Mel and Oksana tapes and try acting them out together. He said they could bring that show to Broadway. Howard and Robin tested it out a little bit just coming up with what they could remember. Gary said they had the transcripts online so they're printing them out now. He said he can't find the Declaration of Independence online but the transcripts of Mel and Oksana are easy to find.
Robin read about how Michael Lohan's fiancee has filed a report claiming she was physically attacked during an argument. Robin said she claims that he pushed her over a chair.
Howard got the transcript of Mel and Oksana's arguments. He started to act it out with Robin playing Oksana. Robin had trouble finding her spot. She eventually did so they acted out what they had for a few seconds but Howard had trouble. He said it was giving him a headache and it was wearing him out.
Robin read a story about women who don't keep their houses clean could be at risk for breast cancer. They say that air fresheners and mold and mildew products can double the risk of the disease.
Robin read about how Chris Isaak is in the running for replacing Simon Cowell on American Idol. Robin said that there are a few other people who want in on that show. Donald Trump is one of them. Howard said he thinks Trump could do it. Robin said that Brett Michaels wants the job too. Howard said of course they want the job. They all think they're going to get Simon's money. He said they want the exposure too. Howard said he thought the show was kind of lame this year and even Simon wasn't that effective. Howard did a live commercial and then went to break after that.
After the break they came right back and Robin read a story about Bridget the Midget. A cop had lost his job after going to see her strip. He's been forced to turn in his badge because he was working at the time. The cop admits he made a bad decision but also pointed out that he pulled someone from a burning car last year.
Robin read a story about something called a firemen's key. Howard didn't know what that was. Robin said it's a universal key to get firemen into burning buildings. Robin said that a man was arrested on rape charges and he had one of these keys. That led to Howard trying to come up with things that were so good that are used for bad things. That continued through a few more stories that Robin read.
Robin read a story about the Comic-Con convention in San Diego, California. Robin read some details about what's going on out there. She said the event is sold out through Sunday.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Massage Therapists fall into that good things that are used for bad. Howard had said that Priesthood is good and used for bad. He said Thalidomide is another bad thing.
Robin read a story about how Rachel Uchitel is going to be on Celebrity Rehab because she's addicted to love and not drugs or alcohol. Howard said that's another good thing being used for bad... Rachel's vagina.
Robin said that losing weight isn't as simple as calories in and calories out. Robin said a study was done that found that meat consumption can lead to long term weight gain. Robin said that people who ate less meat gained less weight. Robin said that meat is very dense in calories. Robin said that's what she's been saying for a while now.
Robin had some audio clips of Al Franken talking about some stuff. Howard said the guy didn't have any punch lines. He said that even if he's a politician now he should still have some funny lines.
Robin read some news about the Naked Cowboy who is going to court with the Naked Cowgirl. Howard said he was reading about that and the guy isn't ''naked'' he's in underwear. Howard said now some chick showed up in her underwear and he freaked out. Howard said that's some thiefdom he's got there.
Robin read about how Wesley Snipes could end up in jail very soon. he's out on bail and the authorities want him to surrender and serve his time for tax evasion charges.
Robin read a story about a family that doesn't want to lose their pet monkey but it got loose from its cage and their kid ended up getting hurt when it attacked him. Robin had some audio of the owner talking about how the monkey was like her son.
Robin read about how Bristol Palin is saying that her mom isn't happy about her engagement to Levy Johnston. Howard said that's the first smart thing that Sarah Palin has said. Robin had some audio of Bristol talking about her relationship with Levi and how she thinks her mom will come around eventually.
Robin read about this new ''Cats and Dogs'' movie that's coming out. She had some audio of Chris O'Donnell talking about the movie.
Robin had some news about Eminem's number one selling song. Howard played some of that. Robin also had the theme from True Blood that she had Howard play. Robin said that they have a comic book out now about the series and the books. They spent a few minutes talking about that. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:30am.
Gary said that Tim may not have known what was going on. Tim said that they hired the guy to do his thing all day there. Gary asked what his thing is. No one was sure. Jon said he thought he was there to talk to him but the guy doesn't talk so he figured that out pretty quick.
Gary said that he told Jon he has to ignore the audience and not play to them. He said you can't just play to them. You have to ignore it and play to the people listening on the radio. Gary said he put up a note to Jim saying ''get the fucking bird out of here'' when the guy was out there.
Will Murray said he saw the guy spraying silly string on people. Gary said that the guy was going crazy running up and down the aisles and shooting that silly string. It was impossible to ignore that while they were on the air. Gary said they were making noise and the audience would make noise so it was an unbelievable distraction.
Jon said that Howard was not happy about that show. Gary said that they couldn't hear what it sounded like on the radio so they had no idea what was going on. The echo is a common problem though. Gary said they have a fine line between hearing that echo and not. He said that hollow sound comes from the speakers being too loud out there.
Gary talked about how people would turn their backs on the show when they would do live ones out in Las Vegas. They couldn't hear the shows and they'd just do their own thing.
Jon said they had Swoop the Eagles Mascot on the phone. Swoop said that he's a big fan and he's so sorry that he did what he did. He said he asked Tim if he thought it would be okay to be out in the crowd and he was okay with it. He doesn't blame Tim for that though. Gary asked Swoop about how he asked Tim about going out there trying to find out exactly what he said to him. Swoop said that he never got a note about the second time going out there.
Jon asked Swoop if the fans treated him alright. He said that they were great. He said that the Giants fans are great. He said the Jets fans are a little different. Gary said that didn't make sense either because they were doing the show in New York so having the Philadelphia mascot there was kind of strange. Swoop said that it's not just Giants and Jets fans though. He said they had a lot of different fans there.
Jon asked Swoop some questions about the other mascots out there and spent a few minutes going over that stuff. Gary asked if this is a full time job for him. He said it is and this is going to be his 12th season. He said he's making good money doing it too.
Sal asked if he can get laid. Swoop said that he's married and he married his high school sweetheart. He said he's not the right person to ask about that. Sal asked if he gets any peek at the cheerleader's. He said that he doesn't get to see any of that stuff. Jon said that they would let him go now but they think they know who sent him out there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has been listening for like 30 plus years and the location shows are part of the fun. He said that they know it's going to happen. He said that he listened to the whole show yesterday and loved it. He said it was fun. He said some of the best moments from the show history are from shows like that. He thought they sounded great.
The caller was calling from Switzerland. He said that he was in a small town in the Alps over there. He's on vacation for a few weeks. He said he's been listening to the show over the internet while he's there.
Jon said that they do go to great pains when they used to go on vacation. Gary said it's never perfect though. He said that it can't be perfect unless it sounds exactly the way it does outside as it does inside. That's just not going to happen.
Gary said that Mariann from Brooklyn was having the best time yesterday and as soon as she heard Howard complaining, she changed her tune. Will said he loves her but she did change her tune this morning. He said Bobo does that a lot too.
Another caller said that he liked the echo yesterday. He said that it was a great show too. He said it sounded okay to him.
Gary asked Sal why he does that. He said that he doesn't care so he doesn't need to know. Sal said it's easier to dismiss it than read about it. He said that he'd rather focus his time on the show and his family.
Gary told Sal has gotten books form the guys there and he's just thrown them out. Sal said that the stuff bored him to death so he didn't read it. He said he can't spend his time on that when he has other things he's interested in.
Jon said that Sal has asked some of those questions over and over and he still didn't know the answers. Sal said he didn't ask those questions. He said that he has updated the database lately so that list must have been really old.
Jon asked Sal what he has learned. He learned that the capital of New York is Albany. He also learned some stuff about pounds and kilos and things like that. Sal said he didn't want to go there with this and it's redundant to talk about it.
Will asked Sal if he had to know about different markets when he was a stockbroker. Sal said he did but he knew that stuff when he was working that job. He learned it so he could do his job. He said that he was very good at what he did too. Sal said he had to do research on things back then and he was doing very well. He said he worked at some shady firms but the allegations against them had nothing to do with him. He said he never did anything out of compliance and he's proud of that.
Jon said that Sal is a great bullshit artist and that's why he was so good at that job. Sal said he studied that work and he learned it so he could do that job. He said he doesn't give a fuck who chopped down a cherry tree. Gary said that Sal is a good shmoozer and that's part of that job.
will said that Sal should know what the FDA stands for and things like that. Sal said he knows it's the Food and Drug Administration. He said he's not that dumb. Gary said that he's just not that dumb on that subject. He said that he's good at fooling people about how smart he is.
Gary said Sal has pulled him to the side telling him that he doesn't like that he talks about how the companies he's worked for went under. Sal said he left those jobs to come to this place to work. Gary said he left that job because he saw the way things were going down and this was available.
Sal said he was making six figures consistently and then he was down to like 85,000 when he got the call from Gary. Things were going down hill in the stock market job.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they think this is some kind of Sal shtick or something. Gary said they really don't think it is. The caller said you'd think he'd want to know where China is if he's trading stocks in that country. He said he should know where they are. Sal said he should but when a customer isn't going to ask him where on the map it is. He said he didn't trade international stocks anyway.
Gary asked Sal some stock trading questions to see if he knew about that. Sal said he didn't deal with the stuff he was asking about. Sal tried to come up with an answer and Shuli threw in ''Idaho'' as one of the multiple choice answers.
Shuli said he was asking the staffers about Sal and everyone was saying that they think that's just who Sal is. Ronnie thought that Sal was putting it on just to get air time. Gary disagrees with him on that.
Gary asked a math question about stocks. He asked Sal what he thinks the answer would be. Sal did the math and gave him an answer that was 800. Gary gave him some other multiple choice answers so Sal could come up with a different one.
Jon took a call from a guy who threw a question out to Sal about President Kennedy. Sal was coming up with all kinds of nutty answers for who became President after Kennedy was killed. Sal had no clue. They gave him tons of hints but Sal wasn't able to come up with the answer. Gary gave him the initials and he finally got it.
The caller asked Sal who the Vice President of the united states is now. He knew that one. The caller said that Sal is great on the show and this just adds to it.
Sal said that Ronnie thinking that he does this as shtick is even more embarrassing to him. He said that he doesn't do that. They were asking Sal if he knew where the potato famine thing happened. Sal said he thought it was in Ireland.
Shuli said that Ronnie thinks he does answer that way just so he can get Howard to talk about him. Sal said that Ronnie is all about shtick so he's saying that about him because of that.
Sal said he didn't even want to come on the air today. He said that he told Jon he didn't want to be on unless he really needed him.
Shuli and Jon said that Sal really is the guy you hear on the air. He's not doing shtick. Sal said that he likes to contribute to the show but he feels that he's lumped into this category of a complete, stupid, idiot. Jon said everyone is lumped into something on the show. Will said that if Sal was really upset he'd do something about being stupid and learn some stuff.
Sal said he thinks that he'll do well on the IQ test. He said he'd be happy at 95-115. Jon and Gary said you want at least 3 digits. Sal said he knows he got some wrong on the test and he had smoke coming out of his hears at some points.
Another caller said this is why Sal's wife hates him. He said that he has no cooth and he has embraced stupidity. He said that's why his wife doesn't want him inside of her. The guy said the things that he's saying are making it sound like he's embracing being a moron. He has to see the world bigger and he'll open up to his wife so she doesn't need an emotional friend. Gary said he's being a little rough on Sal.
Shuli said that there's not just one reason that Sal's wife hates him. Sal said she doesn't hate him, she loathes him.
Another caller said that he wanted to rake Sal over the coals but he's going to change his question. The caller said he's from Canada and he loves America. He said that it seems that there are a lot of people there who know less and less about the world as a whole. Gary said that's what he's read in a lot of articles. The caller wanted to know if they think they should have some kind of test before just graduating people. Gary said they do, it's called High School.
Gary asked Sal if he can think of something in the last 10 years that has cost him money for not knowing about it. Sal said one thing is the purchase of his home. He said he lives beneath his means and the other place he wanted would have made him more money if he wanted to sell it.
Gary asked Sal if he's ever bought a ticket near a place that he thought was closer to something than it actually was. Sal said no to that. He said he's never really had a problem with that.
A caller said that Sal made a big mistake getting married. He also corrected Gary on some stuff he said about Kennedy and Johnson. The guy told the guys he likes the show and the great job they're doing. They went to break a short time later.
Jon moved on and brought up Medicated Pete and talked about the job offers he was getting today. They talked about that gym job and how Pete was already thinking ahead to doing something else.
Gary said he doesn't get why some people can't go back to doing jobs they did in the past. He said that Pete was on the Howard Stern Show for a season and now he's trying to figure out how to get bigger and for some people it just doesn't happen.
JD was in and said that Grillo is kind of like that. Gary said that Grillo has skill as an electrician but he just won't go back to doing that. He thinks that he can do something bigger.
Jon said that it sounds like Sarah is fine with Pete as long as he gets a job. He wondered if she really wants him to get a job or is she just saying that she'd marry him if he had a job knowing that he'll never have one.
The guys talked about how Sarah was nagging Pete and pulling his hand away from picking at his hands. Shuli said he was waiting for her to wet her finger to wipe something off his face.
Will said he's not sure that Sarah even likes him. He said that all she did was complain about him today. JD laughed at that and Will asked what he was laughing at. He said JD has finally found someone he can laugh at.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he got the vibe that Sarah is second guessing herself on going out with Pete. Jon said he didn't see them on the couch today. Gary said that you can only be with someone for so long if they're doing nothing.
Shuli said he was with Pete today and he had to tell him that they had to get back to the studio and he just wouldn't listen. He said that it was very tough to deal with him.
Gary said that he used to have to deal with wack packers and he used to enjoy spending it with Beetlejuice the most. He said High Pitch Eric repeats himself a lot and so does Gary the Retard.
Will said that Gary's son was there with them at the Hard Rock yesterday and he wouldn't let him touch High Pitch. Gary said that his sons know about him from past shows. Gary said he brought his son Lucas over to introduce him and Eric stuck his hand out to shake his hand and Gary told him not to touch him. He did that in front of a bunch of people and he felt bad about that. He said he didn't want to have to take his son back to the bathroom to wash his hands.
Gary said he went out to talk to Pete when he got there. He said that Pete was repeating himself and he ended up standing in the hall blocking the door as he was going into the studio. Pete just asked him the same ''What's up, what's going on?'' again. He said he just seems to get in your way.
Jon said he likes Pete a lot but he was camping out in the back when he was working there. He said he wouldn't move and it was tough to work around him. He said he was like a statue standing there.
Jon said he saw Pete today and asked what was up and Pete told him about the movie and stuff. He went back to his desk and Pete was standing right there next to him. He said he couldn't get away from the guy.
Jon asked if Pete asked to keep his internship there after the second semester. Gary said that a lot of them ask to stay and he thinks that Pete knew that they weren't going to be able to keep him there.
Jon asked JD if he picks at his hands like they said he does. JD said he picks at the side of his thumbs. He said he just does it. JD said he's so glad he came in there.
Jon said he thinks that Tracy was pissed about what Benjy did to him. Gary said he's amazed that no one has punched Benjy at this point. The guys talked about how funny Tracy is as soon as he walks into the studio.
The guys said that he was even funnier off the air than he was on. Gary said he got brutally honest and he was doing a whole thing off the air while they were standing there. Gary said it was really interesting but funnier than anything he had done.
Shuli said that he can tell when Tracy is just talking off the top of his head. He said that he kills with stuff like that. Gary asked if he does a standard act or something free form. Shuli said that it's definitely free form. He does some wild stuff that probably shocks some people.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he has seen Tracy do his thing and he's hilarious. He thought that he was challenging Howard on some stuff during the interview too. Gary said he didn't think he was challenging him but he was disagreeing with him. The caller also thanked Gary for turning him on to Sporcle. He said he loves that stuff.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he didn't know Tracy Morgan from a hole in the wall until he saw him in a movie. He said he played a gay inmate in the remake of The Longest Yard. He said he was the best in that movie. They spent a few minutes talking about that movie and some other stuff Tracy has done in movies.
Jon said that Tracy went to the White House and cried because he was overwhelmed. Gary said he felt that was genuine too. He said he was waiting for a punch line but it never came.
Gary said that he's met president Clinton and it was wild when he shook his hand. He said that he had this feeling go through his hand that was really strange.
The guys told some more stories about people they've met that made them emotional. Jon asked JD who he's met that made him get choked up. JD said he met Quentin Tarantino and he didn't even get emotional. They asked when he last cried. JD said he cried when his grandmother died. Gary said he seems pretty detached. JD said he usually is. They had to end the show a short time later.