|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard and the guys were back from vacation today. Howard started the show saying good morning to everyone. Benjy had a new look going on so Howard told Robin to take a look. He wasn't wearing a cap. Benjy said they were too warm. Howard said it's a better look and he's not sweating this morning.
Robin's voice was scratchy so Howard thought she was sick. She said she's just dehydrated from flying around. She said she was in Paris, Los Angles and San Francisco. Howard asked if she had vegetables in France. Robin said she had Italian food. She said they still don't have vegetables over there for her.
Howard said he was looking at the wildlife in the gulf and thought about becoming a vegan like Robin. He said he's so angry about the oil spill down there that he can't take it. He said it's so frustrating that they're not able to do anything and they were talking about having James Cameron come in to help.
Howard said he read a bunch of things about this and people are very angry about what's going on. He said one paper was angry with Brad Pitt. The paper was talking about how Pitt goes down to visit disaster areas all the time but not this time. Howard said that's pretty funny that they're upset about that. The one person they need is Aquaman. Robin said that's why they want James Cameron because he did some filming of the Titanic.
Howard said when you see the guy from BP talking about how this isn't so bad and how it's not going to be that big of a deal. He said the guy is now saying that he wants his life back and this is hard work. Howard said a bunch of guys died in the explosion and people are losing their jobs because of this spill.
Howard said he got angry with FOX News too. Howard said BP is making billions of dollars on this oil but they don't have a plan to cap the fucking leak. He said they need government agencies to handle this stuff. He said they have NASA where they have a plan if something goes wrong. He said they can't plan for everything but they do plan for what they can.
Howard said when you see what the spill is doing now and when you think about the long term effects it makes you nuts. He said they're throwing tons of money at this thing now but it's just not doing anything. Howard said he's agitated and angry lately and even more so than usual. He said he opens the paper and sees pictures of birds covered in oil and stuff and it looks like another planet. He said we're fucking up this whole planet and we're such pigs.
Howard said people are just pigs. He said he walks the beaches and sees people with balloons. He said they kill wildlife with the balloons. He said we're just pigs. Robin said the plastic people use is in the ocean floating around too. Howard said he's just bummed out about the whole thing. Howard said he feels like he should do something like they expect Brad Pitt to do.
Howard said Mel, through his agent, made a good point and said that the advertisers want them on from 6-10. Howard said Mel did say that if that's what he wants that's fine but he's making a point about when they should do it. Howard said he wants to be a team player if he's staying there.
Howard said that the other thing is that it would be nice to get off at 10 once in a while. Howard said they have to keep the guests coming in early. He said he doesn't want guests booked at 8:30 anymore. He said Tim has to figure out what to put on from 10-11 too. He said that Tim wants him there to do 5 hours of show but he doesn't want to do that every day. Gary said they'll have to talk about that.
Robin read that Elton John had performed at Rush's wedding. Howard said the guy took a million bucks to do that wedding. They talked about that wedding and how it was probably for her. He said that you'd think that you'd keep it kind of low key since it was his fourth.
Howard said Rush is for deregulation of oil companies. Howard said he's all for less government involvement in some things but the oil companies have to be regulated. He said that they can't let them get away with what's going on right now. He said they have to have some kind of safety regulations. Howard said Bill Clinton took a lot of manufacturers and regulated them about the kind of shit they were spewing into the air. When bush got into office he killed that. Howard said he can't believe anyone voted for that guy. Gary said Scott DePace could talk about that. Howard said he doesn't want to get into it with Scott.
Howard said FOX News is all over the drilling stuff when they're trying to regulate it but now they're trying to pin it all on Obama. Howard said this didn't come from Obama. He said that it's all about Bush.
Howard said he wants heads to roll over this. Robin said Howard now knows what his issue is. Howard said he has to yell at Rush Limbaugh too. He said that he hopes that Rush is giving everyone a million dollars like he did with Elton John. He hopes he does that until he's bankrupt. Howard said Rush is the same guy who was yelling at all drug addicts to be thrown in jail and then he got caught with Oxycontin and begged not to be put in jail.
Howard said he'd love to interview Rush. He said he'd love to ask him about having Viagra and condoms when he went on vacation one time. Howard said he would love to know what he was up to. He said he has an idea but he'd rather not say.
Howard played an edited clip of Rush talking about butt fucking a dolphin down in the Dominican Republic. Howard did an impression of Rush talking about going down there and he was doing the banging of the desk like Rush does on his radio show.
Howard played another edited clip of Rush talking about how he gives a good blow job. They also had him saying he has AIDS. Howard said he loves that Rush says ''Ladies and Gentleman'' before everything. He said it's supposed to be a one on one thing with radio so he shouldn't say that. Howard said maybe he'll start doing that. Howard said he should be saying just gentlemen since there probably aren't any women listening.
Howard played some more Rush clips and said that Richard takes like a whole day to come up with those clips sometimes. He said he has to combine words to make some of the words he has Rush saying.
Howard said Sal found another Mom porn. Gary told Howard that he had some more about the oil spill. Howard said he'd get back to Sal later. Gary told Howard that they capped the responsibility of oil companies for oil spills back in 1990 and that was during Senior Bush. Gary said they capped it at $75 million. Howard said that's like 20 bucks to them. Howard said it sounds like a lot of money until you think about the billions they're making. They make like 100 billion a quarter in profits according to Robin. Howard said the law should say that they have to pay to clean up the whole thing and that they will be thrown in jail if they have a spill. He said that would stop the spills.
Howard ended up talking about camp and how the things they lived in were like houses with just 3 walls. He said they didn't have a front. He said they were open and if it rained then they'd get wet. Howard said he was lucky so he was able to get the good bunks since he was one of the older kids.
Howard said he's just angry about this spill. He said he has this intense anger over the while thing. Robin said she's resigned. She said that it's going to be a big mess for a while and anger isn't going to make it go away.
Howard said he's going back to therapy this week. He said he had a week off last week. Howard said the shrink is going to tell him he's angry because he wasn't in therapy but he won't agree. He said the shrink is going to tell him that he's not seeing that he's angry over it. Howard said if he can't see it then how is he supposed to deal with it?
Howard said he's never seen these videos but he thinks that it's just an actor pretending to be the son. He said they can't have real little kids in the movie. Sal said they do show a penis going in but you don't see the guy. He said the guy looks fairly old based on that. He said it doesn't look like a 12 year old's penis.
Howard asked Sal how long it took him to find this one. Sal said he had this one pulled before so he had it in his archives. It was easy for him to find this one. Howard said his mom should make videos like this.
Howard asked if there are a lot of these videos. Sal said there are thousands. He said that Richard is looking for dad and son porn clips but he refuses to do that himself. Howard said something seems so trivial about this compared to that oil spill. Sal said he's not so upset about it. He said the oil is like marinade for the barbecue. Sal said it's upsetting to see. Howard told Sal to get out.
Howard said this is going to ruin the fishing industry. Sal said he's busy finding mommy porn and he can't be bothered with the oil covered birds.
Howard asked Sal how many times he had sex last week. Sal said he had it once. He said his wife told him to speed it up too. He said it had been about 3 weeks since he had it before. He said that she's not really joking about it when she tells him to speed it up. Howard said it sounds like hell to him. Howard said Sal has every reason not to give a shit about the oil spill. He said he's not getting pussy. Sal agreed. He said he's not getting pussy so he doesn't care if the world ends.
Howard said when you're in a miserable relationship you want everyone dead. He said you want everything on the planet dead. Sal said he just wants a hand job and doesn't care about the oil covered pelican.
Howard asked Sal if he thinks about his wife when he's fucking her. Sal said he does. Howard said if you're not then it's the end of the rope. He said that you have to be thinking of that person. Sal said he once jerked off to his wife and he realized he really loved her. Howard said he bets it's been years since he did that. Sal said he thinks that Carter was in office when that last happened.
Sal said it was alright when they had sex. Howard asked how it happens. Sal said that it's like he's a foreman in the warehouse. He said she had just gotten out of the shower so he told her that they should get down to business. She just said ''Oof'' to him. Sal said she made him get in the shower before they did anything. He said he hadn't showered in like a day. He said he did that and scrubbed himself down.
Howard told Sal to get out of that marriage. He said this sounds like a nightmare. Sal said there is more to life than sex.
Sal said she made him buy two bicycles in one week for her. He said he didn't have any bikes and his kids wanted to go riding. Sal said he wanted to buy some bikes for the kids and for himself. Sal said they went to Target to get some cheap bikes. Sal said there were two that his wife liked. He said they were $220 and $260. He said she was happy that she got the 220 instead of the 260.
Sal said the 5 year old wants to bike ride too but the kid is like a snail. He said they started to yell at each other out on the street and he wanted to smash the bikes over their heads and throw them in the trash at Red Lobster. He said it's a nightmare. Sal said his wife got home and yelled at him for ruining their fun. Sal said he was trying to stop the kids by putting his hand up in the air and no one knew what it meant.
Howard said he used to ride a bike in the street when he was a kid and did just fine. He said kids today don't do that. Robin said they should have talked about what they were going to do before they went out.
Sal said the helmets the kids have on are messed up because they cut off the circulation in their heads. Sal said his wife told him he ruined the day on the bikes. Then she saw this basket she wanted to put on the bike. He said she demanded that it was too nice for the bike she just got so they had to buy the other bike that she liked. Sal said he had to put the basket on that one. He said he had to swap the seats over too and now he's riding the girls bike with the 5 year old attached. Howard said Sal has the worst life.
Sal said he's on a girl's bike with a 5 year old on the back of it. Howard said he feels bad for the both of them. Sal said they get along. He said it was tough last week though.
Gary said he heard that over the vacation they had a party at Rick's and Sal is like the new Mayor of Rick's and everyone knows him over there. He said Ronnie has calmed down lately so Sal is the new guy over there. Sal said he doesn't get there enough but he does like going. He said that they had like 6 or 7 guys at the party. Howard said it must have been nice with so few guys. Sal said it was fun. He doesn't know if anyone blew a load over there that night. Howard said he did that at Scores one night when Lonnie was still working there. Howard said he saw Beth getting a lap dance and he blew a load.
Sal said he's done that before. He said he throws the underwear away there a few times. Robin said she knew something like that was happening with Sal there. Sal said he has made a toilet paper turban so if he does blow a load it comes off like a helmet.
Howard said he heard that Lonnie kept bringing black chicks to Brian Phelan. Sal said it was like a Snoop Dogg video over there that night. Howard said he didn't know Brian was into black chicks. Sal said the girls were gorgeous. Howard asked how many black girls work over there. Sal said Brian was like a Saudi prince that day.
JD came in and said that the best part was that Brian was wearing all black so all you'd see was his head in the background while girls were dancing for him.
Howard heard that JD was complaining about the chicks being too skinny there. JD said he wasn't doing that. Jason said he and JD were rating the girls and he said all of the girls were too skinny. Jason said they were all hot. JD said he didn't want anyone thinking that he was complaining. Like Lonnie maybe. Jason told Howard he has to get out there sometime because the girls are really hot.
Gary said he thinks people die all the time when they're on the air. He said that people just think that it's a curse.
Howard talked about the Gary Coleman death and the 9-1-1 call that his wife made. He said she has to be completely whacked out of her skull. Robin said that she did marry Gary Coleman. Howard said they just had Gary on the show a few months ago promoting some movie he was in. He said it was all fake but he has always liked Gary. He said Gary claims his parents ripped him off but he's not sure about that. Robin said they say that he was sick all of the time so part of the money may have gone there.
Howard said Gary was miserable from what he could tell. He said he had to go for Dialysis every day so that must have been tough. He said it sounds like an insane life. He was going to play the 9-1-1 call but he had to take a break first.
Howard came back and brought up Helen Thomas the reporter who works for the Associated Press. she's like the oldest living reporter and she gets to ask the first question at the President's speeches. Howard said it was kind of cool that they did that showing respect for her. Howard said she's not scooping anyone or anything but she got to ask the first question. Howard said you can't be the first president not to do that so everyone just lets her ask the first question. She's like 90s years old. Howard said she has no life and won't go away though.
Howard said he used to think that she was a nice old lady but it turns out she's just an anti-Semite. Howard said some blogger got a hold of her and she had some anti-Jewish feelings and she spewed them. Howard had some tape of that. Howard played the tape and Helen was telling the Jews to get out of Palestine. She said that the Jews should go ''home'' to Poland, Germany and America. Howard said she must have forgotten about the holocaust. Howard said she's just an old cunt. He said it turns out she's Lebanese and she's got an agenda.
Howard said she's just another bitch. He said he hopes she retires in shame now. Howard said when you're in a business and they're doing it out of sympathy then you're not really in the business. Howard said she should go home to Lebanon. He said she thinks that she's from America. Howard said she's occupying America with her big, fat ass. He said hopefully the planet will be done with her soon. He said maybe she'll stroke out soon.
Howard read the quote from the package where they quote Henry talking about what he likes and stuff like that. Howard said he doesn't even have products like that. That led to Fred playing the clip of Henry saying that he wanted a caramel Macchiato when he was talking to Lisa G. Howard said he loves that Lisa thought he said he wanted to cum on her that day. Robin said she'd like to wish Henry luck with that.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa came in and Fred played that Henry Hill clip again. Lisa said she's embarrassed about that.
Lisa said they have a story about Gary being the spokesperson for the North Shore Animal League for the month of June. June is some cat adoption month. Howard said he heard that Shuli did something that really irritated him. He said they got a call from the North Shore Animal League saying that Shuli called and said he was his assistant and Howard said it was okay for him to drop his cat off with them. Howard said he told them not to take the cat. Howard said they can't be dumping animals off there.
Howard said he and Beth adopted this cat Apple and it's licked off half of its fur. He said they have to give it medication and now they wonder if they should stop because they say that cortisone can give them more problems. He said that Beth is busy trying to nurse this cat to health but it's really tough. He said no one takes care of their own problems.
Howard said he heard that Shuli wrote a note to Gary about the cat thing because Gary may have reamed him. Howard said he heard that Shuli was claiming they were feral cats. Lisa said she heard that they took a cat in that had kittens and he gave away all but one. Gary said he heard that the stray had 3 kittens and the one cat and the kitten were the ones that he brought in. Howard asked why he used his name. Gary said he has no idea. Gary said he thinks that he brought them there because they're a no-kill shelter. He thinks that's what's going on there.
Howard didn't get why he was dropping his name. He said Shuli really needs to tell him before he does that. He said he is a good assistant though.
Howard said they need help adopting cats over there at the North Shore. He said he has always liked cats and they are nice to have around. Robin said that's not what he's said before. Howard said that was just for him, not for everyone else.
Lisa said that Gary has cats and the dog sharing the bed with him and his wife. Howard said he would never let his dog on the bed. He doesn't get why Gary would do that. Howard said he's had the dog watching him have sex and he can't take it. Gary said his dog almost licked his dick after he had sex one night. He said they have to lock the dog out of the room when they have sex now.
Gary said that the cats like to come into the bed too. He didn't think that would happen. He said they could lock them out but he doesn't hate it that much. He said he likes having the pets around. Howard said Gary needs to have constant contact with people and pets.
Lisa said that they have a story about Gary's upcoming book, They Call Me Baba Booey, and his deadline is coming up in just weeks. She said that they asked Gary to look for pictures to use in the book. They have 50,000 words written so far. Howard said he was talking to Beth and he did the Gary ''Hello, hello'' and he wasn't even sure where it came from. Then he remembered it was that love tape. Howard said he told Beth about that tape and how Gary is ready to hang himself over giving him the tape. He said he told her about the math Gary does in the tape and did his impression of Gary as he did it. Howard said they transcribed that whole tape and Gary showed it to his wife since she had never seen it. Howard said that tape was so desperate. He said that it was more desperate than Sandra Bullock kissing a girl at the MTV awards last night. He said he'd talk about that later.
Lisa said that Dr. Roni is upset about her diet being ripped off on a web site. She said that they have tried to shut the site down but it keeps coming back. They're working on getting the site changed.
Lisa said Doug Goodstein turned 40 over the break. Howard said he thought he was older than that already. He said he looks like 47. Robin said she won't say that.
Howard said he had to take another break. He said they have Jim Breuer coming in later. He's got some CD out of something. They went to break after that.
Howard said it sounds like they just stop the show after they call in.
Howard said his buddy Pat says he would never shave down there for his girl. Howard said Beth likes it though so he doesn't mind.
Howard got back to the Gary Coleman death and also the vacation curse. Howard said they're going with Gary Coleman, Dennis Hopper and Rue McClanahan. Robin said some coach had died too but Howard wasn't counting that guy. Howard said Dennis Hopper seemed like an odd guy and he spent his last weeks getting rid of his wife. He said that he was a complete lunatic. He said Hopper was great in Blue Velvet. He said he was a good dude too. He said they had him on the show one time.
Fred played a clip of Hopper from Blue Velvet. Howard said that was acting there. Robin said they don't make movies like that anymore. Howard said that was a fun movie. He said that's his kind of fun.
Howard said he watched a bad movie over vacation. He said he gets to see The Bachelorette ahead of time too. He said they spent 4 hours watching that show because it's better than movies that are out. He said he watched ''Odine'' and the movie was bad. He said that Colin Farrell reels in some hot chick on his fishing line. He said that it sounded cool but it turned out to be crappy. He said the movie isn't that bad but it drags on too long. He said he had to watch it in spurts and he ran out of time. He said he's not sure why they can't get to the point.
Howard said they had a love scene in the movie and they cut it out to have a PG rating. Howard said that's lame. He said he had nudity in his movie, Private Parts, and he made sure of that. He told people to check that out. He said it gave you something to look forward to. People enjoy nudity. He said he heard that Jimmy Kimmel watched the movie with his son over the vacation. He said that they liked the nude scenes. Howard said those were his favorite to shoot too.
Howard said he saw Booker over vacation. Booker is doing afternoons in L.A. on some station out there. Howard said you're lucky if you have a job in radio these days. That led to Howard talking about how Glenn Beck's ratings have been going down over on FOX News. Howard said he doesn't want to see that guy being successful so he's kind of happy about that.
Howard was hearing the 9-1-1 operator typing and that was making him nuts. He wanted to know if she was playing a game of Sporcle or something. He said that she was doing a lot of typing. Fred had a typing sound effect that sounded a lot like what the call sounded like.
Howard played more of the clip and the wife was telling the operator what was going on. She said that Gary was moving but he was bubbling at the mouth. The operator was typing like mad while the wife was telling Gary what to do. The wife, Shannon, was saying she can't touch him and she was telling Gary to put pressure on the wound himself. Shannon said she needs help quick. The operator asked if she could help. Shannon said no because she can't do it with the blood being there. Shannon said she had her dog and walked out of the room away from Gary.
Howard imagined what the operator was typing about as she was talking to this woman. He said she must be typing about what a nut she is. Shannon wasn't sure what happened to Gary so the operator typed something about that. Howard was laughing but said he was laughing at the typing and not at the situation.
Howard and Robin were both laughing at the typing. Howard said she must have some mad skills to type that fast. Howard played more and Shannon was saying she can't drive because she's sick. Howard said you'd think that she'd help in some way.
Howard said he can imagine Gary as a 9-1-1 operator pecking away at the keys with his two fingers. Howard played more of the clip and Shannon was talking about what she had seen on Gary and how his head was bloody. She wasn't sure how it happened though. Howard said they really need to update the keyboards at 9-1-1. He said that they need something quieter.
Shannon said she wasn't able to tell Gary to put pressure on his head. She said he wasn't responding to her. Howard said she didn't appear to care one bit. Howard said he heard that she's going to be on Good Morning America doing an interview this morning. Howard said he has to hear what she has to say. Howard imagined what she might say.
Howard played more of the audio and figured that the operator was typing about what a nut this Shannon Price woman was. Shannon was saying she didn't want Gary to die in the tape. She wasn't willing to help in any way though. Then she was yelling at Gary to sit down when he was standing up. Howard said Gary was talking. Robin wondered where the ambulance was. She said that the response time didn't seem to be very fast. Howard said there was a lot of typing going on. The ambulance showed up and Shannon said she was gagging and couldn't deal. The operator told her to go to the front door to let the people in. The operator let her go a short time after that.
Howard said most of that clip was the operator typing. He said he'd like to see what she was typing. He said it was probably all nonsense and they just do it to sound official.
Howard said they say that Lebron wants a championship and he may not get it playing with the Knicks. Howard said that might keep him from coming there. Howard and Robin talked about that clip for a short time.
Howard said there was a clip going around the internet where this pastor was talking about what gay people do. He said the guy was talking about how gay people eat each other's doo doo and things like that.
Howard played the clip and this pastor had a heavy accent and he was giving his speech while people were taking notes. The pastor talked about anal licking and how homosexuals do that. The guy said that poo poo comes out and they eat that poo poo. Howard said the people in the audience were shaking their heads as this was being discussed.
Howard said people were writing this stuff down. He said one guy was writing so fast it was just about burning a hole in the paper. Then the pastor was talking about fisting and how the homosexuals have to use drugs to do that. The pastor then asked any kids in the room to leave. The guy goes on to talk about how they eat poo poo and make poo poo all over each other. Howard said this world is so backward. He said this guy is way too consumed with this.
Howard said the guy was just saying don't be gay and don't eat poo poo. He wondered what else these guys were writing down.
Howard played another clip of a report where they talked about how the Pastor played gay porn in church to show what the homosexuals were doing. The people in church went nuts when they saw that. Howard said they went berserk. Howard said they had really young kids taking notes on this press conference. Howard said he's not sure why this guy is on this rant. He said that this is the least of the problems in his country.
Howard said there was a lot of cursing going on at the awards too. He said they bleep it out but it seems like they were encouraging it. He aid that they missed half the bleeps with one guy from Twilight. He said that it wasn't Pattinson, it was some other guy. Howard played some of that audio and he was cursing and a few of them made it on the air.
Howard said they should be fined for that. He said they could bleep out the dirty words and they don't appear to be using the right delay system. They ended up bleeping out words that didn't need to be bleeped out. They missed the cursing but bleeped out half of that one guy's speech.
Howard played the audio of Sandra Bullock's speech and she was telling everyone to calm down because they were doing a live show. Howard said they should have had Michelle ''Bombshell'' McGee come out and make out with Sandra. That would have been a shock. Sandra did her speech and thanked some people for whatever the award was for. Howard said it was very odd when she was kissing Scarlett. He said it was like she was responding to everything that's going on and it just wasn't right.
Sandra was thanking Betty White for what she does and said she wants Betty's life. Howard said that was creepy. Howard said he'd rather have Sandra Bullock's life. Howard said he's not even sure what that means. He said maybe he wants her career. Robin said she's not even sure of that. Betty told Sandra to never wear that dress backwards.
Howard said this make out thing was scripted and it was very awkward. Sandra said hi to her and asked how she was doing. Howard said he bets that Jesse was fucking two chicks while this was on. He played more of the audio and Sandra said she loves what she does and she's not going anywhere. Howard didn't know what that meant.
Sandra was going on and on in the clip. She was saying she wasn't dead. She also said that everyone has cellulite, not just her. She was going on and on with cryptic things and Howard said he needs someone to translate this for him.
Then Sandra asks Scarlett why she was there. Scarlett said she wanted to be there when she accepted her award for best kiss. The lame scripted bit led to them making out. Howard said they start making out there. He let that play and the audience cheered as they kissed. Howard said that makes everything fine. Howard said it was the least sexual thing he's ever seen. Howard wondered what that proved. Robin said that Scarlett is married to Ryan Reynolds and maybe that's who was nominated in the best kiss thing. Howard said he doesn't get what that's about.
Howard said if they really wanted to shock the audience then they should have had Sandra making out with Betty White. He said they could have her fingering Betty White and that would really shock people.
Howard saw Robin messing with her hair so he asked what was going on. Robin said she was trying to get rid of a piece of hair she thought she saw sticking up. Howard said there was no hair sticking up.
Howard said Sandra should have just come out and talked about what was really going on. He said that she could have talked about how her back was nude now that her husband doesn't ''have her back'' anymore. Howard said she should have been honest.
Howard asked Gary if Jim Breuer was there yet. Gary said he was. Howard said he wants to get out of there by 10 today. He said he thinks they'd be much happier if they just did 4 hours instead of 5. Howard said he has to get right to Jim so they can get out of there. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and had Jim Breuer come in. Howard said he's looking good. Jim thanked Howard for everything he's done for him. He said that people come out to see him and they say they heard him on Howard's show. He said they ask him when he's doing Howard again.
Howard asked Jim why he's promoting his new book, ''I'm Not High: (But I've Got a Lot of Crazy Stories about Life as a Goat Boy, a Dad, and a Spiritual Warrior),'' when it's not due out until October. Jim said they think that it's going to be a number one seller if they get enough pre-sales. He said that's all because of the book company.
Howard wondered why it would be that important to pre-order for someone other than the author and the book company. Howard said he got a note from Jim asking for a blurb for the book and he sent one to him. He said that Breuer makes him laugh on the show and that's what he sent the blurb about.
Howard asked Jim about his radio show and Jim said he'd like to do it every day as long as he can have his guys. He said that he's only on Friday now. Jim said he likes being on the road though so that's nice. Jim said the book is done. He said he wrote it two years ago. He said that they needed someone to ''paint it up'' for him though. Jim said that it's basically the story of his life.
Howard asked Jim about the years he was on Saturday Night Live. He said that he was on when Chris Farley hosted the show one time. He said that it was one of those funny and creepy moments. Jim said he was in a room with Tracy Morgan and they were roommates at the time. He said they were great premise guys and they would bounce ideas off one another. He said they were a disaster writing the bits but the premises were great. Jim said they could talk about going out to find a guy to write their bits.
Howard said he saw a clip of Jim and Jimmy Fallon doing Ozzy back and forth on some show. He said that it was great and very funny. Jim broke into the Ozzy impression and did that for a short time.
Jim told Howard that Farley was great to work with. He said he didn't know how bad things were with drugs and stuff. He said that they had some great meetings and Chris was the one who figured out that it was him and Tracy who had the weed. Jim said he was a weed guy at the time. He said Tracy was a drinker. Jim did his impressions of Tracy during that discussion. Howard said it must have been nuts living with Tracy. Jim said that he is nuts but he's also smart and intelligent. Jim said that they didn't actually live together, they were just working together a lot back then.
Jim told Howard that Tracy would come up with some crazy stuff. He said he'd tell him that he was there to make children and stuff and they'd have really deep discussions at times.
Jim told Howard about Farley being there to host and how he went into the pitch meeting to pitch some ideas. He said that Farley was in the room and he was twitching and sweating and standing up. He said he was going crazy and he was wondering if he was on something from their room. Jim said he went back to the room and started writing after the meeting and Marcy Klein came in. He said she's a big exec there at SNL. He said that she asked what they hell they did. Jim said they said they didn't do anything. Jim said she knew that they were his friends for the week. Tracy said he's a grown man with children and they didn't do anything. Jim said he told her not to talk to them like that because they're grown men.
Jim said they had Chris Rock there for the week as a back up just in case something happened with Farley. Jim said they were told to stay away from Farley. They didn't know how bad things were. Jim said that things got weird. He said he feels terrible because they had this window in their room and they got a knock on the window at like 11:30 at night. He said he felt this presence of evil at the door so he answered it. Then a couple of women came in and then Farley followed them in. He said Farley put a pile of coke on his desk. He said he looked at the chicks and they were the creepiest things he had ever been in front of.
Jim said he freaked out and went to the head writer's room to get away from it. He said he kept away from Farley for the rest of the week. Howard asked where Tracy was. Jim said Tracy stayed in there for a little bit. Howard said Tracy didn't care.
Jim said he got a phone call that week and his wife picked up. Jim said it was Farley. He said that his wife handed him the phone and Farley was on the line with people in the room. He said Farley was telling him to come down and have a great time with them. Jim said Farley cupped the phone and asked him if he's funny or is he just a fat, stupid guy. Jim said that he had to tell Farley how funny and great he was for 45 minutes. He said it was god awful. Jim said he started looking at things a little differently after that. Jim said they had lots of fat, stupid guy sketches to do.
Jim said that Farley is a tremendous performer. He said he did the motivational speaker thing that week. He said he did it live when he spit the water on everyone. He said they were live on the air at the time and it was the funniest thing he had seen. Jim said the guy was a great talent and he didn't recognize it.
Jim said about 3 months later he felt he had to call Farley. He said he told his wife he wanted to call so she told him to just do it. He called his manager and he said he'd get him the number. Then three days later he didn't have it and the day he went to get the number was the night Farley died. He said that he doesn't know if he could have done anything but that was very creepy.
Howard said it sounds like he's got a good book in him. He said he might be ready for that. Howard said it sounds like everyone on SNL has a broken ego. Jim said that is the way it is over there. Howard said he wishes that he could have said more about Jim's book in the blurb but he just wanted like one line. Howard said Jim tells stories there that are 10 times funnier than they would be on SNL. He said that Goat Boy story he told one time was like that.
Jim told Howard they had a lot of fun at SNL. He said they would hang out with Will Ferrell, Colin Quinn and other guys like that. Jim said that Will is always in character and it's hard. Howard said they had Will on the show just one time and he seems kind of reserved when he's not in character. Jim said he would got into the writer's room and Will would be under the desk and not talking. The guys would tell him he was in character.
Jim said that Will was always playing that character Ron Burgundy. He said he used to do that cheerleader thing and he would stay in that character all week. It wasn't like that in the beginning though. As time went on it got worse. He would stay in character for the whole week. Jim said that they would tell him to clean up and shave and get out of character. Then the next day he'd show up in character again.
Jim said that Will would come around pretending to sell art so they decided that they'd get into character. There was a time when Will was doing this artist character so Colin suggested that they bring him into their room and gang rape him. Jim said that was their mission so they tried to break him. Jim said they lured him into the room and threw him on the ground and Colin was pulling his pants off. Jim said he took his pants down and started rubbing his underwear on Will's face. Tracy was in the doorway saying ''Save some of that for me!'' He said the whole time Will was saying ''Oh, the horror!'' and asking for someone to help him. He would not break character. Colin was punching him in the rear end and he didn't break character.
Jim said they did that all night long that night. He said they brought him to the back elevators and put him in the dumpster. Jim told him to ask Colin about it next time he's on.
Howard gave Jim some plugs for some upcoming comedy shows he had at Gotham Comedy Club. He gave him some pugs for his book and his radio show that's on Friday on Raw Dog (Sirius 104/XM 150) from 4-6. Check out JimBreuer.com.
Jim told Howard about the time he went into work for one of the last days. He said he knew he was going to get fired that day. Jim said he and Tracy were going to do this bit. The new Godzilla movie was out around that time and they were thinking about doing a Godzilla thing. He said they had some premises about the old movies. He said Matthew Broderick wanted to do this bit with them. Jim said they went to the read through and they crushed the room. Jim said that the room was howling and everyone loved it. He said they were acting out the whole Godzilla movie. They were competing against the head writer's bit. Jim said it was kind of funny in the first couple of minutes. He said their bit didn't get picked. He said he had an idea that maybe Lorne Michaels isn't involved.
Jim said that he was asked why the bit didn't get picked up. He said this was one of the producers asking him about it. Jim said that they were asked to come in and do the sketch for some more people. Jim said that they were camera blocking and they did it for like 30 seconds. Jim said they were just appeasing someone. He said they didn't care about the sketch. Jim said that it was the day of the show and someone asked where their sketch was. Jim said that they kept asking for it and he's just a cast member. He said they were like 5 hours before the show and two of the head writers came to them and told them to get their stuff together. They said that Lorne wanted to see the sketch. He said the head writer was up there and he was like a 5 year old child. Matthew Broderick was in there and he was asking about the other sketch. He said that Lorne asked to see their sketch.
Jim said that he and Tracy went up and did their thing. He said people were howling and Matthew Broderick loved the sketch. He said the camera guys even asked if there was a problem figuring out which bit was going to work. Jim said they finished about a half hour before dress rehearsal. Jim said they were doing whatever they could to keep the sketch off. Jim said 10 minutes before that they told them to do the bit. Jim said they crushed the place. Jim said about a half hour before the live show they were told that they had filmed the dress show so they were going to go with the other one in the live show. They said that they were never going to be able to get Tracy in make up.
Jim said he lost it and told the guys that they were full of it. Jim said that his wife was there and saw this go down. Jim said he demanded to talk to Tracy and to Lorne Michaels. Jim said that they were going nuts over this whole thing. He said he had enough at that point. Jim said he told Tracy about it and demanded that they go to Lorne about it right then. He said they changed it and did the bit live. He said that summer he got a call from an exec there who said the head writer was insisting that he be fired. Jim said that's how he found out that he was done there. He said it was baffling to him that they wanted him out of there so bad.
Howard said you'd think that they'd want to keep someone there who was so passionate about the show. Jim said he got a call from Lorne who told him he was too nice for the business. He said that Lorne told him to try going to dinner with Adam, the writer, so he agreed to do it. Jim said he called the co-demon, who told him that they were trying to fire Kattan. Jim said that if Adam was going to stay then he had to leave. He said that they let him go after that. Lorne told him that if he ever needed a producer, he was his guy. He said that was nice but it was a weird experience.
Howard said that would be weird working like that. Jim talked about how he respects guys like Adam Sandler who has his buddies in his movies all the time. Jim said he kind of screwed up with Sandler one day. He said that he wanted to go to some open houses with his buddy Pete Correale were out in L.A. looking at open houses and they ended up at a really nice house that had valet parking. He said they showed up and Jim Carrey was there. He said that it was Sandler's birthday party. He said that he walked into his house by accident. He said that it was his birthday and they got right out of there. He said that he and Pete were red eyed out of their minds.
Jim said that he was out in Aspen one time and Adam came out there. He said he didn't want to fawn all over him and ask to be in his movies. Jim said Sandler gave him his room number and told him to come visit him. He said that he was smoking pot that day and he forgot the number Sandler told him so he never showed up. Howard told Jim he should tall Adam and tell him the truth. He said that he could tell him that he wasn't blowing him off. Jim said he could do that. Jim said that Kevin James put him in one of his movies and it's produced by Sandler so he is watching from a distance.
Howard asked what went on with P. Diddy. Jim said that he loved the music at SNL when he was there. He said he could watch the Rolling Stones from a few feet away. He said it was sick. Jim said he'd be there hanging out even if he wasn't in any bits that week. Jim said P. Diddy showed up with Jimmy Paige one week. He said no one was allowed in the room at the time. Jim said he wanted to get in so he snuck in through a back way. He said he was behind a can of paint staring at what was going on. He said they were rehearsing and P. Diddy was doing his thing.
Jim said he saw Will Ferrell walk right in and up on stage. He thought he was going to get shot by one of Diddy's guys. Jim said that Will was just standing there and stuck his hand out to shake Diddy's hand. He said that Will was in character as Ron Burgundy. Then Diddy started laughing and eventually let everyone in the room.
Howard said he can't wait for this book he's got coming out. Howard gave Jim some plugs for that and for his comedy shows and stuff. Howard said that it's very important to Jim and his publisher to get some pre-orders. Jim said maybe he can buy 10,000 copies himself and get on the best seller list. Howard said that would work.
Jim told Howard he should get into producing some stuff. Howard said he did that for a while. He said he's done with that now. He wished Jim luck with the book and thanked him for coming in. Howard told people to check out the Dueling Ozzy's bit on YouTube. He went to break after that.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they have a story about Natalie Maines turning down the offer to have Lisa G come perform with the Dixie Chicks. It turns out it's not Lisa turning it down, it's the Dixie Chicks who are turning it down. Howard said it sounds like BS to him. He said he thinks that Natalie put it out there and the other two broads said ''what the fuck'' and they had to turn her down. Steve said Natalie really wanted to make it happen. He said that she was going to do everything she could to make it happen. Howard said it sounds like a good double bill.
Steve said Jeff the Drunk was offered a trailer by a Stern fan in Ohio. Jeff is demanding to see pictures first. Steve said that Robin was seen out in Napa Valley over the vacation. She was seen at a fund raiser where they raised $8.5 million for charity.
Robin said she was a victim of a water attack at the event. She said they usually have food fights but they gave out water guns instead. Robin said she was chased down and sprayed with water. She said that she managed to keep dodging the water but she did get a little wet. Robin said that one of the women there lost her contact lens so the husband filled his gun with wine and he was going to get into a fight with someone there in her party. She said that it was a lot of fun.
Steve said that a neighbor of Andy Dick's has told them a story about him barging into their house back in April. Steve said that she thinks that Andy needs help and she has to keep her doors locked to protect her family from Andy Dick.
Andy said that in June 7, 2006 Howard announced the settlement where he got his show tapes. Steve also got in a plug for Greg Fitzsimmons' show that's on tonight on Howard 101.
Howard had Jon Hein come in next. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. Howard seemed to be rushing to get out of there this morning. That led to Howard getting into the Lebron James thing a little more. Howard said he doesn't want to be involved in that whole movement to get him to come to the Knicks. They also talked about the Sandra Bullock thing a little more.
Robin said there's a new TV show coming out with Seal and Heidi Klum doing a reality show. Howard said he would watch that. He said people want to see a really white chick with a really black, black dude. Robin read some of the details of the show and Howard said it sounds like it's going to fail. They spent a few minutes talking about what they'd like to see in that TV show. Howard said he wants to see the family getting together at Thanksgiving and things like that.
Robin said that Celebrity Rehab has a new cast ready to go. They have Bonnie Pointer, Shauna Sand, Jason Davis and Tila Tequila lined up so far. Howard said that might be good. He said they can't get better than last season though. Howard said he'll watch it though. He said he still loves it.
Robin read a story about an MMA fighter who ripped out the heart of a sparring partner. Robin said that he ripped out the heart and tongue of his partner. Howard said that sounds like the old days of MMA. Robin said they found the guy standing nude above his victim. They spent a short time talking about that story. Howard said that's a shame that the guy lost his life.
Robin said they found 6 dead bodies in a cave near Cancun. Howard said he's not going back there. Robin said the victims had their hearts removed. Robin said there were four men and two women and they were apparently tortured.
Robin read a story about a porn actor who took a machete to people on the set of the movie. The machete was a prop in the porn movie he was going to be shooting. Robin said the guy fell off a cliff and died after a stand off with the cops.
Robin read a story about Bernie Madoff being a hero behind bars. Robin said he was greeted like a rock star when he showed up to jail. Robin said the criminals love him because he's like one of the greatest criminals ever. Robin said that he has no remorse for what he did. Howard said he heard that he has it made in that jail he's in. Howard said he has it better than most people who work. He said he doesn't know why that fuck isn't in some prison where guys can ass rape him. He said it's more like a dorm at a college but without chicks. Howard said he thinks he'd rather be Bernie Madoff than Jeff the Drunk at this point.
Robin read some news about the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Robin said they are announcing that they've already spend $1.25 billion working on this clean up. Howard said they should have started 10 years ago figuring out what to do just in case there was an accident. Howard said they're making hundreds of billions a year and this is nothing to them. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read some more about the BP oil spill and what they claim to be doing to take care of it. Robin said there are people looking into it and trying to figure out what to do to stop the leak. She had some audio of some people talking about how this is damaging the economy down in Mississippi.
Robin read about Al Gore and Tipper Gore getting separated. Howard said Al can do better. He said Tipper was trying to get them off the air years ago.
Robin read a story about an Apple conference that's being held today. They're expected to announce a new iPhone. Robin read some of what they expect from the phone and had some audio of someone talking about that stuff.
Robin read about coach John Wooden passing away. She read the details of that story and had some audio of him speaking not too long ago.
Robin had some Lebron James news too. She said that everyone is wondering where he's going to end up. Howard said he really doesn't want him in New York. He said he goes to the Knicks games and he gets free tickets. If they got really good he thinks that the tickets would dry up. He said he lives in fear of that. He said he's never been turned down before. He said they seem to be shocked when he shows up. He likes they just the way they are. Robin also said that Helen Thomas was dropped from her job. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:25am.
Jon wanted to talk about Jim Breuer first. Jon said the guy delivers every time he's on the show. Gary said he's quickly going to the top of his list of great guests. Gary said he didn't know much about Jim before they had him on. He said he's been great every time he's been on. He said he seems to be universally loved too. He said he does great impressions of Tracy Morgan and Lorne Michaels. He said that people love to imitate Lorne Michaels too. Gary said he does a great Colin Quinn too.
Gary said he heard from Beth about this and she was the one who got the message about it. Shuli said it turned into a whole thing where they said he was trying to get rid of all of his pets. He said they have 3 already and that's enough.
Benjy was wearing a hat and it was distracting to everyone. Shuli said he couldn't take him seriously. Benjy said he has to wear something on his head. Gary said it's a dumb hat. He said it's like one of those hats that a prisoner would wear in Guantanamo.
Shuli said he wanted them at North Shore to know that he wasn't a whacko so that's why he told them where he worked.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Shuli is an evil, cat hating bastard. He said this is like the fourth cat he's gotten rid of this year. Shuli said this cat had kittens. He said he hasn't gotten rid of any cats. He has two cats and a dog.
Shuli said he hopes that his track record there will prove that he hasn't done anything wrong. Gary said he doesn't see a negative there. He said that he's not doing anything wrong. Shuli said he almost doesn't want to go to the meeting on Wednesday with them. He said he's just trying to put the cats in a place where they won't get killed.
Jon said maybe Lisa G would help. Gary said ''Yeah, she's over 50 and single, give it to her.'' Shuli said he's tried to give it to Lisa, Robin and next on his list is Siobhan. He said that's his last resort.
Jon took a call from a guy who was willing to help if he has no other options. Shuli said he does Miserable Men on Sunday nights and he barely gets any sleep. Then his phone was ringing this morning. He said people were asking what the fuck was up with the cats. Shuli said he had no idea what was going on.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what the hat is that Benjy's wearing. Benjy said he bought it from a Mosque that was selling them. He said it's a thin hat he wanted for the summer. The guys talked about how distracting it was though.
The caller asked if they think that anyone will fill Artie's chair by the end of the year. Gary said it hasn't even come up. He said that they have talked about filling the chair but it's not something they're pressed to do since they're not sure what they're doing after the end of this year.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why people think Jim is funny. He said the stories he tells are just too long. He said that having him on today was a big yawn. Gary said he's probably in the minority. He said for the most part people enjoy him on the show.
The caller was also complaining about last week's shows when they reran shows from 1993. Gary asked the guy if he even knows what the theme of the week was last week. The guy said that it just wasn't funny. Gary said they can't please everyone. Gary said people would complain if they didn't play any of the old stuff.
Benjy asked the caller what comedians he does like. The guy said Gilbert Gottfried is good. He said that no one thinks that Breuer is good. Benjy said that's not true. Gary said the guy is trying to create a scenario that's not true. The caller said they have plenty of stuff from the past 4 years they could play. Gary said they can't avoid the past 24 years of the show though. They're not going to make everyone happy.
Ronnie came in to talk about the Sal thing. He said Sal is like Norm from Cheers over there now. He said everyone knows Sal over there. Brian Phelan came in too and told the guys about how everyone over there knew Sal. He said even the chef in the kitchen knew Sal. He said that was the first time he ever came out of the kitchen while they were there.
Gary had Sal pegged about the way he talks to the people there at Rick's. He said everyone is ''sweetheart'' to him, even there. Ronnie said he knows everyone's name over there. He knows their real names and fake names.
Ronnie said that Sal is the day shift and he's the night shift. Ronnie said he was there for Brian's party and he went there on Friday night too.
Sal came in and asked Jon how his sweetheart was doing. He did the same with Gary. Sal said he's a nice guy with women and he's being condemned for that. Jon asked Sal why he knows where these women went on vacation. Sal said he listens. He said he reserves his energy for these women since his wife doesn't talk to him that much.
Jon asked Sal what he meant when he told Howard it feels good being adored at Rick's. Sal said that the women there take an interest in you, even if it's fake, but it's so great.
Ronnie had to go so Sal was goofing on him as he walked out saying he was limping and he must have forgotten his cane.
Sal said he passed out on the train and missed his stop. He said he actually texted his wife and told him that he missed the stop. Sal said she knew where he was. Sal said he lucked out and got the next train back. Gary asked if she would have picked him up if he hadn't been able to get the train. Sal didn't know.
Jon said that Sal complains about so much with his wife. Sal said the whole bike thing was a nightmare. He said he's riding a girl's bike with a seat on the back of it now. He said sex isn't everything but he's been around the block. Gary said if sex isn't everything then why go to Rick's. Sal didn't answer.
They talked about whether Sal should stay or go. Sal said he's staying but that's because he loves his family and it's not just because he can't afford to leave.
Sal was telling the guys about his favorite people there at Rick's and he seems to know everyone except the bartenders.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up Sal and his wife and what he thinks could be going on behind the scenes. He was going off on women and saying that they should be working. Gary said his wife is thinking about going back to work but she doesn't have to do that right now. He said things are good for them. If Howard leaves and he has to get a job then maybe she'll go back to work.
Sal told the guys about how he had a man cave of his own but his wife made him turn it into a kids play room. He said he wanted just one room for himself. He said his wife wouldn't let it go and she ended up turning the room into a kid's room. Sal said that she knew she had him and she wasn't going to let him have his way.
Jon asked Sal if he's ever had a moment when he has gotten his way. Sal said they got rid of some bushes that she hated looking at. Sal said he had to pay to have the bushes taken out and a new fence to be put in. He said it's a nice fence but he liked the bushes.
Sal was saying that his wife is like a nanny with some sexual bonuses. Gary said that Sal could hire someone to come in and do all of that stuff he wants and a prostitute twice a week and he'd still be head of the game. Sal said he's thrown in the towel. He said if he met someone else she's just going to annoy the shit out of him anyway. He said he's happily married. He said his wife puts up with a lot with him.
Jon asked Brian how his party was. Brian said he had a good time. They talked about how great Rick's can be and how if they threw a Rick's party in front of the oil spill, everyone would be happy.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Sal has to get out. Sal said he doesn't. The caller said that he's been married and divorced and he's living his life right now. The guy said he wasted 4 and a half years trying to keep his wife happy. He said it's not going to happen and he should get out. He said staying married for money or for the kids to be happy, that's the wrong thing. He said his kids will be happier if he's happier. The caller said he hates to see someone going through what he's going through. He said he could get out now and get financially recovered quicker. Gary said Sal can't afford it now though.
The caller said he went through two divorces that were really drawn out. He said the bottom line is that he has to get out now. He said that they can get a mediator and work things out now. Jon asked Sal what he thinks. Sal said the guy shouldn't have gotten married a second time. Sal said that he and Christine have their differences but they've survived them. He said he's happy and if he wasn't he'd say so. He said it's not all about sex. Sal said they get along great and they have a long history together.
Benjy asked Sal if he would get divorced if the money wasn't an issue. Sal said last year he would have but not this year. He said they've worked things out and they're getting along. Gary said when Sal and his wife are together they're constantly jousting like an old Stiller and Mira album.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Sal if he met a chick with money who likes getting pissed on, can he see himself leaving Christine. Sal said ''Maybe.'' He said he really doesn't want to leave though. He said it's not all about sex. The guys spent another minute on that stuff before they had to go to break.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he loves when Breuer is on the show. He said he hates to hear people who don't like him. Gary said that everyone has a right to dislike him. He said that Breuer is pretty much unanimously liked by the audience.
Jon asked Gary what he thought about that story he told about the Godzilla bit. They spent a minute going over that and talking about how everyone comes to the end of their rope and that was Jim's.
Gary mentioned a documentary that Joan Rivers has coming out and she still has self doubt to this day. They spent a minute talking about that and how interesting it was to Gary.
Sal said he has all kinds of scenarios in his head for when he does shows and 99 percent of the time it doesn't happen. He said he usually does well when he does shows.
Gary said he's seen well known comedians have meltdown's. He said he saw a very well known guy at K-Rock who had a meltdown in the bathroom. Benjy wondered who it was but Gary didn't want to say who it was.
Ralph called in and asked if he could borrow the Joan Rivers thing. Gary said he can have it after Howard checks it out.
Ralph said he was down in Florida and saw people getting gas at BP stations. He said that you'd think that they'd try to do something and not go to BP when they can't even get the oil spill fixed. Gary said he agrees with Ralph on that. Ralph said that was all he had for now.
Jon asked Ralph if he was asked to be part of the committee to bring Lebron to NY. Ralph said he was but he's too busy to do that right now. The guys spent a minute on that subject.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he and his friends tallied up the number of songs Gary has had written about him. He said they found that he has 837 and he could get into the Guinness Book of World Records with that. Gary asked how they know that. The guy said they listened to the tapes and they counted them up. He said that Gary has even more than Robin. Gary said that they weren't commercially released though. The guy said that they looked up songs about Jesus and found over 4,000. Gary said he'll work on getting into the Guinness thing.
Jon asked if there is anything behind the Howard Stern Vacation Curse. Gary said it's just a coincidence. He said that they get a lot of vacation so someone is bound to die. Gary said that someone sent him an email about Rue McClanahan and it makes him wonder how much they'd really talk about that. He said Gary Coleman was much more interesting.
The guys talked about that 9-1-1 call that Howard played today and how odd that was. Jon took some calls and ended up talking about the oil spill again. The caller said he doesn't care about the vacation curse thing either. He said that Rue McClanahan doesn't count because they wouldn't talk about her anyway. Gary said that Gary Coleman is the one that they'd talk about. He said that Dennis Hopper was kind of a big deal but they didn't even spend much time talking about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that boycotting BP isn't going to help them get the clean up going. Gary said they have plenty of money to clean up. He said that it should be avoided until it's cleaned up.
Gary said he saw someone who called earlier who could explain what all of the typing was during the 9-1-1 call. Benjy said he could explain it, it was typing. Gary wondered why she had to type so much though. Gary said it sounded like she was typing way more than the information she was being fed.
Scott DePace came in and said that Howard was wrong about the Bush family and what they've done about drilling. DePace said that BP is going to spend everything they have to with this spill. He said that he's not sure who to blame but it's not smart for Obama to come out now and say that they're going to put people behind bars. He said he should be waiting until after the clean up.
Gary said that they have no plan in place for this failure. He said there should be a play. Scott said they did have the blow out preventer but it failed. He said they could end up over regulating and that would be even worse.
Jon asked Scott what he thinks is wrong with what Howard was saying. Scott said that Fred said something about Cheney not installing something and he was completely wrong about it. Gary asked if he knows for sure he was wrong. Scott said he isn't. Gary said Scott is just as bad as he's saying Fred is then.
Jon took a call from a guy who agreed with Ralph about the BP gas but they're lowering the prices to get people to buy their stuff. Benjy said they might be supplying to other companies too.
Gary said that it appears that they may have avoided some safety regulations. Scott said they're not this evil company like they're being made out to be. Gary said he saw a piece on the company and they had this rubber piece that broke and the BP people told them to keep pumping. He said that's the kind of stuff he's talking about. Gary said if that's the case then it's unforgivable.
Jon asked Scott if he feels people are ever on his side. Scott said he doesn't care. He knows when he's right and that's that. Scott was talking about that but he kept hearing breathing on the mic so he was distracted.
Gary asked Scott what he's been wrong about in the past 5 years. Scott said he thought Iraq would go better. He didn't see the insurgency stuff coming. Scott said that everyone there is going to disagree about things. He kept getting distracted by the noise on the mic so he gave up.
Ralph called in and said that it was the shut off valve that was the problem. they used some cheap valve instead of a 200,000 valve and that's why it failed. Scott said he doesn't know that. He said Ralph thinks he knows and he doesn't. Scott said Ralph doesn't know and he doesn't know either.
Gary said that it appears that they took the chance that it wouldn't fail but it did. That's what it appears to be. Ralph and Scott went back and forth on that for a minute. Ralph said he heard a news report about this and that's what he's going on. He said Scott isn't even listening to anyone and he only believes what he wants to believe. He said Scott will never evolve because he's dumb. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how Benjy wasn't there yet. Late again. Howard was saying hello to everyone when he noticed he wasn't there. He said he doesn't know why he can't get there on time. It's so simple. Benjy showed up about a minute later. Howard told Benjy he can't have this conversation again. Howard asked what he thinks he should do to punish him and why he's late.
Benjy had to catch his breath. Howard said he's making him look bad. Howard said he should get there at 10 to 6 and not 2 minutes after. Howard asked what happens to him and what he's supposed to do. Howard told him he has to get there on time and this is boring already.
Benjy said he took an Ambien and he shouldn't have. He said he has an alarm clock but he slept through it. Howard said he's such an asshole. Howard said he's not sure what to do with him. He said he's talked about firing him and he might have to do that.
Howard said he's going to deal with Benjy off the air. He said it might be time to part ways. He said he likes Benjy but he's making him look bad. He it's nothing personal. He said the tribe has spoken and it's time for him to leave. He said he's not taking him seriously. He said his actions speak louder than his words. Howard said he's asked him a million times to get there on time and he keeps pissing on him and forcing his hand. Howard said it's like he wants him to fire him. It's like those people who do the death by cop thing and make the cops shoot them. He said he's going to have to do something.
Howard said he has to take up his fucking day with Benjy now. He said he's gone over this 50 times and he shouldn't be feeling guilty about it. Howard asked if he thinks that he's kidding about this. Benjy said no. Howard said he really has to end this. He said he'll take care of it off the air.
Howard said he thinks he's pretty fair. He said he likes Benjy a lot but he has to stand up to him and do something about it. Howard said Benjy is the one who pushed this. He said they only have 8 months there anyway so he'll have a head start finding out what he's going to do with his life.
Howard said he really is a nice guy. He said he's too nice. Howard said he's being played by Benjy and everyone is snickering when he threatened to fire him and doesn't do it.
Robin asked why Tim gives him the rundown at all. Howard said he's not sure. He said he's really sensitive about that shit. Tim takes that stuff too seriously. He thinks it's good information. He said Tim may just see the first two or three posts.
Howard said in the 90s he would get hate mail all the time. He said people would send in mail about Jackie saying he sucks and stuff like that. Then they did that with Artie. Howard said he doesn't take that stuff very well. He's not even sure why he reads it. He said that the people on SFN really bum him out.
Howard said he told the guy that he should buy SIRIUS but he was just talking about how great the show was in the 90s. Howard said he's not sure how he knows that if he hasn't heard the current show. Howard said the guy was just talking about the show and people on the show. Howard said he just wanted this watch and the guy wouldn't stop with the show. The guy was asking about Hank the Dwarf and Baba Booey and things like that.
Howard said the watch was a big purchase for him. He said the woman that worked there had sized the wrong watch because they weren't paying attention. Howard said he had to correct them on that. The guy just kept talking about Fred and Cookie Puss and things like that.
Howard said he was talking to the guy about the show but he just wanted to ask about the watches and how they work. He said he'd ask about a watch and the guy would just talk about other things. Howard said he got the watch sized right eventually. He said he should be ringing up the purchase but the guy was asking how much longer he has left there at SIRIUS.
Howard said he finally got the watch and the guy is going to get a tour of the place and all. He said he asked the guy if he had everything he needed for the watch. The guy said he did. Howard said he got in the car and showed Ronnie the watch. He said the time and date were wrong on the watch. He said they forgot to set it because they were so busy yaking to him. He said he gets nuts over that.
Howard said he gets confused because the guy is a fan and he likes that. He said he was bummed out that it wasn't working out right.
Gary said they got 3 calls from the guy in less than 90 minutes yesterday. He said they think that they're going to call back in like 5 minutes. Howard said the guy was excited. He said their eyes lit up when he walked in.
Fred said that Benjy is the one who needs a watch. That led to Howard saying that he has to do something about Benjy and fire him today. He said he has changed over the years and he thinks he's ready to do that. He said therapy has changed him and he might be able to fire people now. Howard said he's all distracted from that whole thing.
Howard said he never goes out and buys himself stuff but he liked this watch. Howard said he saw Ross walking around with a nice watch and then Tim. He said they're both watch guys. Howard said he liked the watch that they were wearing so he figured it was time to go out and buy something for himself.
Howard said he talked to Booker over vacation about watches and he told him that Robin had gotten a watch from his watch guy. Howard said he just went to the store himself. He said that even the sales guy told him he could find it cheaper on the internet but then you have nowhere to go to get it fixed. He said that if he buys it from him he can get it fixed there. Howard said the guy was making sense.
Howard said when he curses it's kind of organic to the way he speaks. Howard said Tom Cruise was the one who started it and then everyone was saying fuck over and over. Howard said they're so not funny and they were over doing it. Robin said it sounds forced when some people do it. She said people thought Eddie Murphy was funny for cursing and didn't realize that they have to be funny too.
Howard said the DVD was freezing and the bleeping kept going on so he wasn't sure what was happening. Howard said everything aggravates him too so he's not sure what to do.
Howard said he went to the psychiatrist and he sits there and yells. He said the shrink likes it when he yells. He said the guy asks where his anger is so he starts yelling. He said everything makes him angry.
Howard said Ashley is graduating 11th grade. He said she's doing great in school and he was very lucky that all three of his kids were like that. Howard said Ashley was a great student and the teachers write about how great she is too. They all did good in school.
Robin said Howard is lucky because he could have ended up with a kid like this Van Der Sloot guy who has admitted to have killed a girl. Howard said that guy's father was a happening dude. He got a note saying that he died last year though. Howard said he's lucky he doesn't have to see his kid now.
Benjy said he doesn't think that's the case but Howard said he has told him 50 times to show up on time. He just keeps pissing on him. Howard said he feels like a fool when he doesn't do anything.
Howard said he was done talking about that. Then he took a call from a guy who said that he has to fire him or it's going to be a whole thing all day long. The guy said he loves the show and he's a subscriber as long as Howard is on the air. He said he should tell Benjy to go home now and let him think about it all day long. Howard said he knows what he needs to do.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that Benjy and Tim Sabean are sabotaging the show. She said that she's not sure where these people come from. She told Benjy that he has to respect the fans and help keep Howard on the air. Howard had to hang up on her.
King of All Blacks called in and told Howard not to fire Benjy. Howard said King has the mentality of a union job holder where they don't get fired for anything.
King asked how much he paid for the watch. Howard didn't want to talk about it. King wanted to guess at what kind of watch it was and how much he paid. King guessed a couple of brands but he wasn't right. King was having trouble coming up with names. Howard said the watch is silver when he was asked. Howard said he's a white guy so he wears silver. King laughed. He said that's true that ''they'' like gold watches. Howard said that King comes in there wearing that shit and he says ''they.'' Howard said black guys put diamonds in their teeth. They don't know what to do.
King asked if Howard gets paid for his sick days when he leaves. Howard said it's not a union job. He doesn't have accrued days like that. He jokingly said that Thursday is actually the final show because he saved up all of his sick days. He said that just doesn't happen there. Howard said they're not going to pay him for his unused sick days when he leaves.
Howard said that's the mentality of a state worker. Howard said he's in a union but if he relied on them he'd be in deep shit.
King asked Howard what happens when he contemplates leaving. He wanted to know what his least favorite part of radio is that he used to love. Howard said he doesn't know what King is talking about. He said he doesn't love radio. He said he liked radio because he was able to do radio and make a living. He said there wasn't any money to be made when he got into it. He said they should have locked him up for getting into radio. There was no job security and you'd have to be nuts to get into it. Howard said the top guys at the time were guys like Cousin Brucie.
Howard said he's not sure what he was really thinking back then. He said that Booker has to go all over the country to find a job. Howard said Kidd Chris got blown out of Philly and he's not sure where he's at now. Howard said Kidd Chris is in markets where they don't pay anything. He said the guy has a kid and it's just a crazy career. Howard said people tell him they're jealous of him and he can't believe it. He said it's just a fluke that he made it. It all could have ended in Washington DC.
Howard said if Mel hadn't hired them he's not sure where they would have ended up. He said he did have an offer out in L.A. but that may have just lasted a few months. It was working for ABC and they wouldn't have put up with his shit. Howard said the people up at B.U. asked him to speak to the kids up there but he wouldn't tell the kids to get into that business. He said if he had half a brain he would have gone to law school. He said that's what he told his kids to do because it's like a license to print money.
Howard said this guy thought he wasn't in this ''fast track'' class but he argued that he was. Howard said it brought back horrible insecurities. Howard said he's done with Facebook now.
Howard said there were people cursing him out for not watching to go to a 5th grade reunion too. Howard said he's not sure what they would even talk about. He said he remembers a bunch of his friends abandoning him and never calling. He said that they're all romanticizing their childhoods. He said they're a bunch of cock sucking assholes. Howard said he doesn't need to be reminded of that stuff.
Howard remembered being beat up by the black kids after Martin Luther King Jr. was killed. Howard said he was left behind enemy lines while everyone else left. Howard said it was like everyone left Vietnam and left him behind the lines. He said none of them ever picked up the phone and called either. He said they just left. Then they came back on Facebook.
Howard ended up talking about the real Vietnam and how fucked up that was. Howard said that this country is nuts.
Howard said Adam Carolla is coming in today. He said he wants to do dinner tonight. He said they were trying to catch up on the phone but kept missing each other. They were going to catch up at Jimmy's party but they didn't talk much there. He said Adam left the party but then Adam called and left him a message saying he wanted to talk about something. He said it's very weird. He's not sure what the deal is there. They'll talk to him about that when he comes in today.
Howard said Adam is doing a Podcast now and he doesn't think he's making any money doing that. Howard said no one is going to Paris doing a Podcast. Robin would have to sit home if they started doing that.
Howard said Pauly Shore is coming in today too. He said there were a couple of years when he didn't like him but he does now. Howard said he thought his movies were funny. Robin said he was the one person who did.
Howard said he was on his iPad watching Three Stooges stuff on YouTube. Howard said he saw one where Curly wasn't able to get a sweater off his head and it was the best. He said that it sucks that they died almost broke. He said they had bad business deal after bad business deal back then. Howard said no one appreciated them. He said if they were alive today they'd probably be rich like Jerry Seinfeld.
Howard said he and Beth were wondering how much Seinfeld is worth. He said he's got that show in syndication and it makes billions of dollars. Howard said he read that he gets like $250 million a year from that. Howard wondered if he's a billionaire. He said Jon Hein must know. Gary said Jon was working on it now.
Howard talked about some of the Pauly Shore movies he liked and said he felt silly saying that but that's how he felt. Robin said she's never watched one Pauly Shore movie. Robin said they just missed her.
Jon Hein came in and said that Seinfeld has made $2.7 billion in syndication. They say that Jerry makes $65-80 million every year from the syndication deal. Then there are the DVD sales. Gary said that everyone he knows has a Seinfeld box set so he must be making more money on that. Gary said that the first season of the DVD set has the cast talking about the show and they got some money out of that deal but nothing from Syndication.
Howard said that's wild that Jerry is making that much on those shows. Robin said that no one knows Larry David but he has Seinfeld money. Howard said he heard that Larry was the brains behind the show but it had to be both Jerry and Larry. Robin said they are both great at what they do.
Jon said they have hundreds of millions from putting their lives on TV. He said you can tell that they based a lot of that show on their lives.
Gary asked how he started talking about this. Howard said he read something in the paper and just brought it up. Gary said the show started 20 years ago this week. Howard said Jerry used to come on the show to push the show. It wasn't a hit right away either. Jerry's publicist called and would beg them to put Jerry on to help the show. Howard said he knew Jerry would stop coming on the show eventually. Howard said Jay Leno treated Jerry like crap back then when the show was starting out and they treated him great there. Howard said he and Robin were there for Jerry in the beginning but they get shit on.
That all led to Howard talking about Michael Richards and his breakdown where he yelled out the N-word in his comedy show years ago. Howard said the guy is a funny guy but he's not really a stand-up comedian. Howard said the guy didn't work out his material and he didn't know what he was doing that night. That's the feeling he gets form that whole thing. Robin said she thinks that the guy in the audience was giving him a hard time so he didn't know how to deal with the heckler and that's what led to him yelling out the N-word. Howard said he doesn't think the guy is a racist but he's really not sure.
Howard played the prank call and kept interrupting it as it was playing. He was goofing on this spiritual healer woman that was taking Sal and Richard's calls. She was telling them how she was going to help them. Both Sal and Richard called in and told the woman what their problems were. Sal had anal pain. Richard was telling her all of the things he saw as a child and went on and on naming everything he saw. Sal called back and told her that his dog was walking funny because he had his dick in it's shit pipe. She hung up on him and started rambling something about the ''red electric moon.'' Howard said it's such nonsense. He said he'd like to hear her show when Sal and Richard aren't calling. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he got a lot of nice email about Jim Breuer on the show yesterday. Howard said the guy is a great story teller.
Howard said he was reading something by Louis CK and he was doing a whole routine about Jesse James and Tiger Woods getting laid and pointing out that so many people cheat on their spouse. He said we act so surprised when it comes out like that. Howard said that no one knows the circumstances. Howard said 90 percent of the people calling for them to be cut off are out cheating themselves. Howard said our reactions are crazy because people cheat all the time.
Howard said Louis CK made a point about the Pope and how people should be storming the streets over how he's protecting child molesters. Howard said they just can't bring themselves to do anything because he's the Pope. Howard said prisoners in prison hate child molesters. He said that's how much child molesters are hated.
Howard said he forgot to mention something yesterday. He said he gets copies of The Bachelorette ahead of time and he doesn't care if people hate that. He said he likes the show and people can sue him if they don't like it. Howard said Rob Mills is involved with the show and one of the guys on the show is a wrestler by the name of ''Rated R.'' He said he's one of those guys who isn't very well known.
Howard said Eric the Midget called Rob the other day saying he wanted to manage Rated R. Howard asked Robin if she could imagine Eric making that call. He said if they had that call on tape they'd have every subscriber in the world. He said that call must have been terrific.
Howard said he brought home like 20 different vibrators and dildos. He said Beth was going to gift wrap them. He told her to just bring them in a shopping bag to the friend. Howard said the friend wanted a big, black dildo. Howard said one of the dildos was a big, black one. He said they have that stuff there, they don't even have to go out and buy it.
Howard said Beth took this bag of dildos to her friend and the bag broke out on the street. He said that all over the street were dildos. He said the big, black one was just laying there. He said that the bag was completely broken so Beth had to carry them all in her arms. He said they weren't wrapped in any way. Howard said she wasn't that recognizable at the time because they had just started dating.
Lisa said that she has a story about a doctor who has commented on Benjy's lateness being like a child begging for attention. Howard said he thinks he should just fire him. Lisa said the woman thinks that they should take stuff away from Benjy like taking away the Wrap Up Show. Howard said he did that with 2 year olds.
Howard asked Benjy if he would rather be trained like a dog or be fired. Benjy chose being fired. Howard said he doesn't blame him. He said that he'd rather be fired too. Howard said he could try training Benjy though. He asked if he wanted to try it. Benjy said yes. Howard told Benjy no more Wrap Up Show and no more plugs on that show. Howard asked what the plug is that he does. Benjy said it's BangBangShow.com. Howard said no one goes there. He said that they should take away the plug, take away his breakfast. Gary told him he's got it. Howard said he's done with the Wrap Up Show. Howard asked if he should have him sit in another room to write. Robin said that should be saved until the next time. Howard said he could try this or get fired. Benjy said he likes his job and he'd like to keep it.
Robin asked how Benjy can earn that stuff back. Howard said he can earn it back by not annoying him. Robin said they should make him earn back the Wrap Up Show. Howard said he should just euthanize Benjy like a dog.
Howard said he doesn't want Benjy on the Wrap Up Show and no more plugs for that BangBangShow.com web site. Benjy said the site is just his blog. He said he doesn't get paid to do it.
Howard said he should make Benjy work on Friday. Robin said that's negative reinforcement. She thinks that he should be working for things he likes. Howard said he should berate him. Robin said that's not right either.
Gary said that Benjy is good on the Wrap Up Show so this is hurting them. Howard said he could just fire the guy. He said he's done being shit on by Benjy. He said Benjy is making him look bad. Howard said he'll give Benjy 3 months to straighten up before he reviews him coming back on the Wrap Up Show. Gary said that he's taking away his plug by doing that. So now he doesn't have breakfast, the Wrap Up Show and his plug.
Howard asked Benjy what other perks he gets there. Benjy had to think about that. Howard said he doesn't want him taking anything from the Glom Box anymore. He said he's done with that for the next 3 months. He said that's it. Three months without all of that stuff. Howard said he would take away the sluts he bangs if he could do that. Benjy said he doesn't bang any sluts.
Howard said Lisa just saved Benjy's job. Howard said he's going to try this but he's going to fire Benjy if he's late again.
Lisa said that the Tapes Team has won an award from the Communicator Awards. They won for the History of Howard Stern and the Three Stooges special they did with Tom Bergeron.
Howard said that maybe those awards will be on MTV next. That led to him talking about Sandra Bullock and how he thinks he should get a lifetime achievement award, not Sandra Bullock. Howard said he really thinks he should have an award like that. Maybe he'll get that when the Communicator Awards get on MTV.
Howard ended up playing some audio of Oprah's Stedman talking about how people don't appreciate her enough in Chicago. He also compared her to a prophet. Howard said Oprah seems to be appreciated plenty all over the place. Howard spent a minute talking about how nutty the guy sounds. He said he might be ''cunt struck.''
Lisa said they have a story about Henry Hill and his fiancee getting upset with Spike TV because they're bringing together the cast of Goodfellas but not inviting Henry there. They tried to get Henry into the taping but they blew them off. Howard said that Henry shouldn't be allowed to be furious at anyone. He said he's lucky he's not in jail. Howard said Henry is a pain in the ass and that's why they don't want him there.
Howard wanted to bring Adam Carolla in next but Howard had to take a break first. He spent a little more time talking about Henry and how he always seems to have a fiancee. Howard said they have to get him back in there to talk about that. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and had Adam Carolla come in. He said he looks 10 years younger since he got off of terrestrial radio. Adam told Robin she looks 10 years more fuckable. Howard asked if Adam is coloring his hair. Adam said that he does not. Howard told him to tell the truth. He said it's the blackest hair he's ever seen. Adam said he's 46 years old and he does have grey in his hair. Adam joked that Jimmy puts his eyebrows on with a magic marker every morning.
Howard said he and Adam have been missing each other with phone calls a lot lately. He said Adam has been calling him for the past couple of weeks about something. He said he wants to do dinner. Howard said Adam saw him at Jimmy Kimmel's party but he didn't talk to him there. He said they just spoke for like 30 seconds and that was it. Then Adam left and called him trying to set up a dinner the next day. Howard said he was back in New York and Adam was asking to talk to him. Howard said he was wondering what was with this guy.
Adam said he can't talk to Howard when he's rollin' on E. He said he can't talk when everyone at the party is licking his ass either. He said that he would have had to have blown Stamos before he could get to Howard. He said that anyone standing next to him looks like a pile of hippo crap too. Howard said he's right about that. He said that he looked horrible at that party next to Stamos and Ashton Kutcher. He asked Jimmy to destroy all of the pictures of him after he saw them.
Howard told a story about how he got to meet with the chess guys recently and Scott Greenstein had a picture blown up of them all hanging out. Howard said he opened up the picture and he looked the worst ever. Howard said he's putting the picture in a warehouse so he doesn't have to look at it. Adam said that warehouse is probably full of bad pictures of Howard. Adam said that part of the problem is that they're so tall. He said that the person taking the picture is usually shorter than you and you roll over to take the picture so you look awful. Adam is 6'2'' tall so they need someone taking pictures from the top of a ladder looking down on you.
Howard said Adam is right. He said that Jason told him that he's going to tell him to stand up straight and he's aiming that at him. He said Jason stands on a box too so he's taller. Adam said when you're as tall as they are it looks like you have a big, fat chin and huge nostrils.
Howard said Adam was at CBS radio for a while and he replaced him out there in L.A. Adam said that Howard told him he just wanted him to fail and everyone else who replaced him ''death.'' Adam said he took that as a compliment.
Adam said that he was doing pretty good with the show but then they pulled the plug and flipped the format on the stations he was on. Howard said he thinks that Podcasts will come into their own eventually but you can't make a dime on them. Adam said you can... make a dime. Just one dime. Howard asked Adam what he does with the dime, does he split it with everyone? Adam said they do split it and keep it in a giant warehouse.
Adam said the bandwidth for the Podcast costs him $10,000 a month. Howard said he offers it for free too. Adam said he does. Adam said that he cringes when anyone downloads the Podcast.
Howard said Adam was getting paid very well at CBS when he was there. He read that he got paid $1.8 million to do that. Adam confirmed that and Howard still didn't believe it. Howard said that was good money to do the radio show. Howard asked if he's going to make a profit with his Podcast. Adam said that it's the same model as terrestrial radio. They make money from advertisers. He said that they can say anything they want on there too. He said the other part is that the audience is very dedicated. He said that when he goes to different places to do a live show he has fans show up. He said that you can use it as a vehicle to get fans to buy books and show up at events.
Howard asked how many people listen. Adam said they have like 2.5 million downloads a week. He said they do a daily show. Adam said they do like a 90 minute Podcast because people aren't coming and going. They just download it and listen to the whole thing.
Adam said the Podcasts will be available in cars eventually and it is coming. He said it's not there yet but it's coming. He said that it's like this satellite business. He said it's probably 10 years behind satellite.
Howard said Adam had a sitcom going too. Adam said it wasn't picked up. Howard asked about his movie ''Hammer'' and if he made his money back. Adam said the investors did but not him. He said they all got paid before he got paid.
Howard asked Adam what happened with the sitcom. Adam said he figured that the pilot thing would be easy. He said that he figured he was funnier than shows like ''The New Adventures of Old Christine.'' He said they did this pilot for NBC and it didn't work out. He said he shot one for CBS and Les Moonves didn't like that one either. Adam said they do a focus group and the show tested well but Les didn't like it. He said they argued with Les for a while but that didn't work.
Howard asked if CBS asked him to do another failed pilot after that. Adam said he should do one called ''The Failed Pilot'' next time. Howard said when a TV company signs you up they give you money to make a pilot and they get a first look at the show. Adam said he can make some money doing that but they don't do the holding deals like they used to.
Adam said they make 10 comedy pilots and they pick up one. He said that they picked up the Jenna Elfman pilot the year he did his pilot at CBS. Howard said NBC picked Adam up next and they had him do a pilot. He said that they now know that he has nothing. He said that ABC and FOX still don't know he has nothing. Adam said he's working on a failed pilot deal with FOX right now.
Adam said that they let you fail for a long time in TV. Adam said that these companies spend millions on these pilots so they own then when they're done. Adam said that he'd like to see what happens to the pilots because they fail and they never see the light of day. Howard said they could do a whole network with those failed shows. Adam said what they should do is give people like $15,000 and have them do a short instead.
Howard said he read that Adam was doing some car show and that didn't work either. Adam said there's getting screwed and dry anal rape. He had dry anal rape. He said he did the Top Gear pilot for ABC and that was like 2-3 years ago when Night Rider was coming out. He said that turd came back and flamed out and they didn't want to put a car show on TV in the climate when the car companies were failing.
Adam said that the discovery channel wanted him to star in the Top Gear thing and he couldn't do that because he was tied up with NBC. He said he wanted to do it but he couldn't. He said he lost the series and then lost the pilot. He said they started Top Gear without him and they went with Rip Taylor instead. Adam said he's not bitter though.
Howard asked Adam if Jimmy gives him advice on all of this. Adam said Jimmy is a good insultant and he's a big help in this. Howard asked if he's upset that he and Jimmy are becoming close friends. Adam said that Howard has always been at the top of Jimmy's list of people he wanted to be friends with. He said Howard is Jimmy's celebrity crush. He said that he didn't know that they were going to spend a week in Aruba together though.
Howard asked Adam if he knew that Sarah Silverman and jimmy were going to fail as a couple. Adam said he thought it wasn't going to work out from the start. Then they got a couple of years in and he saw how nice Sarah was. Adam said he didn't feel a loss when they broke up though. Adam said if it doesn't make you money or make you happy then just stay out of it. He said Jimmy can be very articulate when he writes an email and he has gotten them from him before. He said that he loved Sarah. He said he had her on the Podcast a few weeks ago and no one is getting on anyone's side. Howard asked Adam if he likes Jimmy's girlfriend Molly too. Adam said he likes her and he'll like the next one even more.
Howard said Adam is on the verge of making big money with the Podcasts. He said that he's also very close to a pilot taking off and it's just a matter of time. Howard said he thinks he's on the verge. Howard said he told Adam that his spots on Dancing with the Stars are very funny and he'll get a big hit when someone notices that.
Adam told Howard that prime time TV is 10 times worse than Howard had it over at K-Rock. He said that things were bad there but in network TV things are even worse. He said they have like 35 Yentas weighing in about the shows and they all think they're experts. He said none of them are funny though. He said there are groups all over the place and they have focus groups and it's just not easy.
Howard said he never would have been able to have 30 people telling him how to do his show. Adam said they're usually wrong but not always. Howard said he hopes that one of Adam's failed pilots makes it to TV.
Howard said Adam is promoting some Everyman Challenge that Klondike is doing. Adam said they got a few bucks out of them and he got the gig. Howard gave him a plug for that and said you can find out more at KlondikeChallenges.com.
Adam told Howard that he went and shot some stuff with Bobcat Goldthwait. That led to Howard asking how Bob is doing. Adam said he's fat. Howard said he likes Bobcat but Bob hates him. Robin reminded him that it was because of some Nirvana comments he made that upset Bob.
Howard thought that Bobcat was the director of Jimmy Kimmel's show. Adam said he doesn't know anything. He said he has to say that so he doesn't get into trouble. Adam said he tries to stay out of the loop so he doesn't have to know anything. Howard said Adam just doesn't want to get on anyone's bad side. Adam said the best way is to not even know.
Howard told the story about why Bobcat got upset with him when he said that he went to Kurt Cobain's funeral because he was just jumping on the bandwagon. Gary said that was the first time that Bobcat had been back on the show after not coming on for years after Sam Kinison bashed him.
Gary said they had audio of Bobcat talking about Howard in his HBO stand-up special. In the clip Bobcat explained what happened with Sam Kinison and his brother on the show.
Howard gave Adam some more plugs for his Podcast and stuff. you can find out more about that at AdamCarolla.com. He said that he has to take a break but Adam is going to stick around. He's going to hang out when Pauly Shore comes in. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and had Adam sitting in. He had Pauly Shore come in too. Howard said he has to ask Pauly if he's a sex addict. Howard told him he's looking younger like Adam is. Pauly said that he isn't a sex addict. He said he may have been at one time. Pauly said that he grew up not getting the girls. He said he wasn't the jock when he was growing up. Pauly said he wasn't the good looking guy. Pauly said once you make it you get girls. He said that before he was 17 he wasn't getting any chicks.
Howard said Scott DePace was out at a club when Pauly was on MTV and he was trying to pick up a chick. Scott lost the girl to Pauly.
Howard said he had a girl on the show who said she slept with Pauly. It was Kari Ann Peniche. Pauly said that she's nuts. He said it's kind of an act. He said her parents are really rich and she's kind of rich and she wanted a lot of attention so that's why she acts crazy. Howard said she was perfectly normal when she was on his show but then he sees her on the Celebrity Rehab show and she's like a demon.
Howard said Kari Ann told a story about Pauly jerking off on her. Pauly said he has done that before. Howard played the audio clip of Kari Ann talking about that jacking off moment. Kari Ann said that she didn't make it with Pauly at the time. She said she was embarrassed that day and she didn't get it on with him.
Pauly said he remembers that. Howard said most guys would be fucking her. Pauly said that there's no reason for a hot chick to show up to your house if they don't want to fuck. He said that semen has to leave your body and that's how he did it.
Howard asked Pauly if he would ever get married. Pauly said you have to go back to his dad. He said his dad opened for Elvis and stuff. He said his father says hi by the way. He said his father, Sammy Shore, married his mom 50 years ago and it was one of those things that he was like him out on the road touring and he met his mom at a gig and got her pregnant. He said back in those days you had the kid and got married. Pauly said his parents were always miserable. He said his father cheated on his mom a lot when he was out on the road. He was always out with Elvis and Tony Orlando. Pauly said he never wanted to be that so he doesn't want to get married.
Howard asked Pauly if his parents told him that they weren't happy. Pauly said they did. He said that he was an accident. He said he has two brothers and a sister too. He said his dad wasn't a smart guy.
Pauly said he's not good at lying so he can't be like that. He said a lot of guys want to be married and bang sluts on the side but he can't be like that. Pauly said he met Kylie Minogue and dated her and she had the whole package for him. He said that she lived in London though. He said that she was awesome and he was in love with her. Pauly said when she spoke he actually listened to her.
Howard said Pauly can always find another girl to share his bed so he's never alone. Pauly said he's 42 now and he kind of likes being alone sometimes. Howard asked if he will pick up chicks at the Playboy mansion. Pauly said he was just there last week.
Pauly said he got one girl pregnant but she had an abortion. Pauly said he talked to her and he promised that they'd have a kid in the future to convince her to have the abortion. He said he was only 25 at the time and he convinced her that it was a bad time to have a kid. Pauly said he's not sure if he's ever gotten anyone else pregnant.
Robin asked if he ever uses a condom. Pauly said he doesn't all the time. Howard asked if he's afraid of diseases. Pauly said he thinks that he would have gotten them already if he was going to. He said he still uses condoms but not as much as he should. Howard told him he should use them more.
Howard said that Pauly dated Jillian Grace before David Spade dated her and knocked her up. Pauly said he pulls out. He said that she may have told David that she was on the pill or something. He's not sure. Howard said he has spoken to David but not about the kid. He really doesn't want to know.
Adam asked Pauly about kids and if he ever wants them to make it into the second trimester. Pauly said he would love to have a kid but have it with someone that it makes sense with. He said he wouldn't want it with someone who would be a nightmare. Pauly said he hears too many horror stories.
Pauly said that girls have changed these days and they're not like they used to be. He said they're more independent now. He said that he still dates younger women and they don't want anything serious so that works out. He said that he's not looking for anything serious and neither are they.
Howard said he was at the Playboy mansion once or twice and they know that guys are just there trying to find chicks to bang.
Pauly said that everyone knows what they're getting when they meet him. He said that he's not looking for anything serious and they know it. Howard said he admires his honesty.
Howard asked Pauly about the Comedy Store being run by his middle brother. Pauly said that they don't get along and his brother didn't get famous like he wanted to. Pauly said his brother would write a lot of scripts and none of them ever got made.
Howard interrupted Pauly and told him about some of the movies that he made that he liked. He said he liked a few of them. He said that Pauly is under appreciated and he must feel that too. Pauly said he thinks there's a plan for all of them and he's still inspired to do stuff like that. He said you just have to keep doing it and doing it because that's what it's all about.
Howard asked Pauly if his relationship with his brother is ruined. Pauly said that's the feeling he gets. He said that they don't talk. Pauly said he runs the place ''on paper'' and they're at war over that. Pauly said that they're trying to settle that. Pauly said his mom isn't doing very well and she handed the Comedy Store over to the kids. Pauly said they're working it all out with the attorneys. Pauly said that the outcome will be fine eventually. Pauly said that his mom created a legacy and his other brothers aren't in the business. Pauly said his sister isn't around and he's the only one in the area that he thinks can continue the legacy. He said he'd like to keep it going like his mom did.
Howard asked if the other siblings see it that way. Pauly said they don't see things the same way he does. He said they think he's going to ruin the business even though is brother is living off his mom. Pauly said he hasn't asked his mom for money since he was 18. Pauly said his brother won't even show him the books. That's why he had to go to the lawyers.
Howard asked Pauly if his brothers and sister think he's just not a good businessman. Pauly said that's probably what it is. Howard asked if he has tried to get along with them. Pauly said he tried but it didn't work. He said he's not talking to any of them right now. He said he misses them too. He said that he has a beautiful niece and nephew and he doesn't get to see them. Pauly said that building has always been dramatic. If it wasn't happening then it would be really weird. He said they have ghosts there and the place has always been dramatic.
Howard said it's sad in a way that this is happening. He asked Pauly if he's gone to therapy and maybe found out that he's the problem. Pauly said he has a vision for The Store and he has a vision for what his mom created and they're all fuckin retarded. Pauly said he has done a lot more in the entertainment business than his bothers and sister have so he thinks he's doing the right thing. They don't see eye to eye on that.
Pauly said his dad doesn't want to take sides in this either. He said that he thinks it's sad that they're not getting along.
Pauly said that he takes care of his mom too. He said she's just not well. Pauly said they're trying to keep him out of the Comedy Store even though he is successful. He said that a lot of siblings don't get along and it's not just him.
Howard said this is kind of his mom's fault for not setting this up. Pauly said that she did make him in charge but his brothers and sister aren't happy with the way it's set up now. That's why they're contesting it. Pauly said they're trying to but they can't. Pauly said that his mom laid it out a certain way and he has controlling interest. Pauly said he wants to get to work right now but they won't let him do it.
Pauly asked Howard how many people he knows in the entertainment business. Howard said it's a lot. Pauly said he knows a lot too and he wants to sit down with them and start working. They won't let him. He said that's the problem.
Howard asked when he thinks he'll get control of it. Pauly said he hopes in about 6 months. He said he's not going to bankrupt the company either. He said he's going to make it work.
Howard said Pauly went to Africa to do a documentary, or mockumentary. Pauly was still thrown off by the discussion they just had. Pauly said it's like going to therapy. Howard said it was interesting stuff. Howard said he would like to sit in a room with his siblings and tell them to just work with Pauly. Pauly said that's what he'd like.
Howard said the Comedy Store must be worth a lot of money. Pauly said he doesn't know because his brother won't show him the books. Pauly said that his mom set things up a certain way and that's the way it should be going. He said that his brother should just hand it over to him and tell him to call when he needs him.
Pauly said his mom started this thing and she had a vision for it and they should respect that. He said he's not sure why they're not doing that.
Pauly said that he would be sharing the business 50/50 with his brother Peter. Adam said they should get that Van Der Sloot kid to kill Pauly's brother. Howard said they don't have to go that far.
Howard thinks that he would work things out with Pauly and his brother if he had them in a room together. He said that their visions may not be that far off. He said that they should get them together and work it out.
Robin wondered what the mom was thinking giving them 50/50 ownership knowing they don't get along. Howard said she may have thought that it was going to bring them closer. Pauly said he doesn't think that's the case. He said that his mom originally gave the whole thing to him but then 10 years ago she amended it to split it. Howard said this is better than Pauly's pussy story.
Adam said that at least Pauly gets something. Adam said his mom is going to leave him a VW Squareback to split.
Howard said he has to talk about this mockumentary ''Adopted.'' He said Pauly saw these people going to Africa and adopting kids and he decided to go there and adopt. Pauly said he got booked down there to do comedy. He said he became friendly with a promoter down there and when he got down there he said he had to shoot a film. That's how the whole thing came about. He said they shot the whole thing after he story boarded the whole thing in his hotel room. Pauly said he saw the Oprah Winfrey school down there. He said he went to the school and said he was sent by Oprah to get a girl to adopt. He said the security guard let him into the school for one part of the shoot. He said they brought him in for a while but he eventually got kicked out. He said he went to the Nelson Mandella foundation and said that Chris Rock sent him there. He said that this thing comes out June 15th on DVD and you can buy it online and stuff too. Howard gave him some other plugs and said you can find out more at PaulyShore.com
Howard talked to Pauly about how he asked out Monica Lewinsky one time. He spent a minute on that and then asked about him being involved in a lawsuit with Wes Craven. Pauly said that Wes had to sue over some dirt from his property that fell on his property.
Howard asked if Pauly is doing a movie with Adam Sandler. He said the movie was produced by Adam but the movie stars Nick Schwarzen. Pauly said he has a lot of things in the work so he's doing fine. Howard asked when he last got laid. Pauly said it was about a week ago. He couldn't remember who it was. He wasn't sure if it was a Playboy girl or not. Pauly said he remembered who it was and she wasn't famous.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he had to beat off when a girl fell asleep on him. Howard said that Ralph beat off on her backside. He said he rolled her over and did that. Ralph said he rolled her over and she didn't even wake up. He said he wiped her down when he was done.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she is going through something similar with her family that he's going through with his family. Pauly said that his meditator said that the favorite child is the one that gets shit on the most in these things. Pauly said he thinks his mom thinks of him as the favorite but she loves them all equally. Howard said it doesn't work like that. If he's her favorite, she loves him more. Pauly told him to shut up.
Howard gave Pauly some more plugs and took another call from a guy who asked if he knew that Andy Dick was living in a shed. Pauly didn't know that. Howard told him about that and about what the shed looks like. Adam said he's like a bi-sexual unambomber. The Howard TV guys showed the pictures of Andy's shed and Pauly let out an ''Oh my god!''
Howard wrapped up with Pauly and Pauly said that he has some stuff up on FunnyOrDie.com and EbaumsWorld.com. He said they helped out with the movie so he wanted to thank them. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said Adam Carolla was still sitting in. He gave him some more plugs for the KlondikeChallenges.com web site.
Howard said Gary told him that Pauly left there kind of shook up after that conversation they had. Howard said he was telling Pauly that every family has issues. He said they're arguing over something pretty big though. Howard said he and his sister have nothing to divide so they don't have to argue.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they have a story about High Pitch Eric and his family getting along after their fights over their mom's will. High Pitch is going to leave it alone for now because he's getting along with his family.
Steve said they also have a story about Jackie hosting the Hoboken film festival which is actually taking place in Teaneck, New Jersey. Steve said Jackie was the most recognized man in the room though. He's in three films now so he's becoming quite a star.
Steve said Eric the Midget has been getting gifts from fans since he got it mentioned on the show. Howard said he has to thank Jimmy Kimmel for that because he was the one who found it. Howard said Eric just wants gifts. JD said that Eric posted it on his Myspace page. Jimmy wasn't looking for it.
Steve said they have a story about a guy who has an unauthorized movie about Rush Limbaugh in the works. Howard wondered what that might be like. They spent a short time talking about Rush and his drug problems and the time he went to the Dominican Republic with Viagra and condoms in his luggage. Steve got in plugs for Jackie and Riley Martin's shows that are on tonight.
Howard said he got a pair of sunglasses from Robin's assistant Captain Dennis. Howard said he's not sure if he can put his prescription in them but they're very nice.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon went through his list and mentioned how Adam and Howard keep missing each other on the phone. Howard said he doesn't understand that. He said Adam wanted to go to diner tonight but he has things going on with his kids. He said he would go to dinner but he's got plans already.
Adam told Howard that he used to avoid celebrities because he didn't want to be bothered. Then he found out that they really are better than the rest of the world. Adam also said that the people at Jimmy's party were battling about who was the bigger Stern fan and they would say they were listening to Howard in 1971 even though Howard wasn't on the air back then.
Howard asked Adam if he ever got to have sex with his listeners. Adam said he never did take advantage of that. He was always with his wife. He said he's a dedicated man. He said that he did screw around a little bit in the beginning of his career but he didn't like it. He was trying to brush it off saying that he's not sure if Pauly Shore and David Spade are happy but Howard said they seem pretty happy to him. Adam said he's right and he's actually miserable.
Jon Hein got back to his Wrap Up Show preview and ran down a few more things. That led to them talking about Benjy again. Howard said he wanted to fire Benjy but he took away that stuff from him. Benjy said that he's not the only one that's late but he's the only one that they talk about. He said Robin shows up late too. Howard said that's not true. He said that Benjy also isn't Robin. Gary said Benjy shouldn't bring up other people. Howard said he's not going to talk about this again.
Jon ran down some more of the Wrap Up Show stuff and then Howard took a call from a guy who said that Adam fucked Danny Bonaduce over out there on KLSX. The guy said that Adam is a punk ass bitch. He said that the kicked Bonaduce to the curb. Howard asked Adam about that. Adam said he wishes he was 5'7'' tall and had red hair. He said he actually just spoke to Danny the other day. He said it wasn't working for him on the show so he let him go. Adam said the feedback he got about Danny on the show said they didn't like him. Adam told him to go listen to Danny in Philly if he likes him so much. The caller said he's in the business and he knows what goes on in the business.
The caller said Howard should ask Danny about it when he's on the show. Howard said he did ask him and Danny didn't have anything bad to say about Adam. Adam said they both said that it's like having lead guitar players in the same band and you can't have that.
Ralph called in and said that he loved that fight. He said he liked when Adam was making the crying sound to the guy.
Ralph also told Benjy that he doesn't get the show. He said that he should either quit or show up on time. He said he should be in there earlier so he can prepare for the show. Howard said he has no problem with Robin. He said he has a problem with Benjy showing up when the show has started. Howard said that's what he needs for Benjy to work there.
Ralph said Benjy is doing this on purpose on some mental level. Howard said Benjy wants him to fire him. He said it seems he wants him to fire him and he would have if Lisa G hadn't given him the suggestions. Howard said Benjy has to be good for 3 months and he'll get his stuff back. He said if he shows up late again he's gone.
Benjy claims he's been late only 3 times. Howard said that's not true. He said it's more than that. Ralph said he also creates a whirlwind out in the hall when he comes running in. Howard said he's asking Benjy to please walk in 2 minutes before the show starts. He doesn't understand why he challenges him on this. Howard said Benjy is forcing him to fire him. Howard said he doesn't ''want'' to fire him. Howard said Benjy has been late twice in the past 6 weeks. Benjy said that over the last year it's only been 3 times. Ralph said that taking stuff away from him isn't right. He said he should just fire him.
Ronnie came in and said he doesn't know how he figures it's only twice in 6 weeks that he's been late. Ronnie said Benjy walks in late every day when the show is starting. Benjy said that's just not true. Ronnie said people get there at 5:15, 5:30 or 5:45 and Benjy shows up at 6:02. He said that Benjy needs to get there at 5:55 and things would be fine.
Howard said Benjy wants Death by Cop because he wants him to pull the plug on his job. Ronnie said he doesn't want to see him get fired either but he won't listen to anybody. Ronnie said he thinks it's a mental thing just like Ralph said.
Robin started off with a story about Alanis Morissette getting married to some white rapper. Robin said that the guy is MC Soul Eye. Robin had some audio of some of the guy's awful music. Robin thought Howard was joking when he played the first song.
Robin read about Helen Thomas retiring. She said that it's effective immediately. Howard said that's a good thing. He said she wasn't a great journalist. He said no one even heard of her before she got old. Adam said she looks bad for her age and she's 89 so that's hard to do. They spent a few minutes talking about that story. Robin had some more details about how she worked for UPI for 57 years.
Robin read some news about Gary Coleman's wife going out and trying to get paid to do interviews. She's also offering tours of the home where they lived together even after their divorce. Howard said he felt bad for Gary. He said he had him on the show as much as he could because he felt so bad for him. Howard had to do a live commercial after that. Robin read some more about that story and how Coleman's manager is advising people not to fall for that stuff. He's also saying that the death is mysterious and he's not sure what actually happened there. Robin said they're also saying that the 3 of the 4 pictures of Gary's death were sold to an unnamed tabloid. They were allegedly taken by Gary's ex-wife Shannon Price. Robin said she allegedly hired a production company to take the photos.
Robin read some news about a Citibank employee who claims she was fired for being too hot. Robin said the woman claims that she lost a couple of jobs because the men were too distracted by her looks. They fired her instead of the guys who were distracted. She's also in trouble with JP Morgan Chase where she works now because of this lawsuit.
Robin read some news about a guy who took his girl out on a walk to propose to her and they both got struck by lightning. The woman was killed. Howard said he doesn't know what to make of that. Adam said he feels sorry for the next woman to come along. He said that she's going to ask what happened to the last one and the guy is going to just say ''Uhhhhmm...'' Then he'll ask her to get married on a golf course and she'll say ''No way!''
Robin read some news about Bernie Madoff and what he's up to in jail. He's working jobs in there and he's making like 14 cents an hour.
Robin read some news about President Obama commenting on the things that are being said about him in the news about the oil spill. Obama said that he's looking for someone's ass to kick and he's not sure why people are upset with him. She had some audio of Obama talking about that on some morning show this morning. Robin had some clips of people talking about the oil spill and how BP should be doing a better job getting this leak fixed.
Howard said he got a lot of positive email when he went off on BP and the government about the oil leak yesterday. That led to Adam saying that drilling for oil a mile beneath the sea is a recipe for disaster. Howard said they still need some kind of regulations for this and they have to have built in ways to handle a disaster like that.
Robin read about Charlie Sheen working on a plea deal in his domestic violence case. They spent a little time talking about that. Robin said the court date has been pushed off until July 12.
Robin read about the Super Bowl and how it's everyone's favorite championship game in sports. Robin said they say that they did a poll and found that more people enjoy that over any other sports championship games.
Robin read some news about some deaths over in Afghanistan. The insurgents are stepping up attacks now. Howard was still thinking about Hockey being bad on TV and then said he read in the news that the MTV Movie awards did even worse than Hockey did.
Robin said that Wendy's is recalling some of the CDs that they've been giving out in Happy Meals. She said that they put out a song on one of the CDs and they had the lyrics ''I need you inside me'' on a Donna Summer song. Gary said that the lyrics don't say that though. He said it was ''I want you on my side, beside me'' or something like that. Howard said Gary is right about that.
Robin read some news about Liza Minelli who has her cover of ''Single Ladies'' out. Adam said he saw that movie with Kimmel. He said he was a little bit high that night. Howard asked if he came on Jimmy's back. Adam said ''No, his belly.'' He said it was one of the most awesome experiences of his life because he was high when he saw it.
Robin read that Daryl Hall and John Oates are canceling a show in Arizona to protest their new immigration law. Adam said that's a shame, they won't get to perform ''Man Eater'' again. He said that song is horrible.
Robin read about the A-team movie that's coming out. She had some audio of Bradley Cooper talking about working on the movie and why he wanted to be part of it. Robin said she heard that Mr. T is upset about the movie because he's not in it. Adam said he's too old.
Robin said the Karate Kid remake is coming out too. Howard said he has a bad feeling that it'll be good. Robin said she does too. She had some audio of the director talking about Jaden Smith. Howard cut him off after about 3 seconds of the clip.
Robin had some news about Joan Rivers new documentary that's coming out. Howard said Joan is coming in tomorrow to promote it. Robin had some audio of Joan talking about the documentary.
Robin said Mr. T is actually upset about the new A-Team movie because they kill people and there are sex scenes in it. He's upset because when they did the TV show it was all in good fun. They ended the show a short time later after Howard gave Adam some more plugs. They ended the show around 11:00am.
Jon went over the stuff he wanted to talk about today and ended up talking about Howard wanting to get off of Facebook. That led to Gary saying he understands that and talking about the ''tracks'' they had in his school when he was growing up. He said he can see why Howard would be aggravated by that one guy giving him a hard time about his fast track class.
Jon said they have to talk about Benjy being banned from the show. It's a 3 month ban and they're going to miss him. Jon said Howard wasn't in the greatest mood to begin with and this didn't help things. He played a clip of Howard talking to Benjy and telling him he was going to have to fire him and how it's like a death by cop thing with him.
Jon said that a lot of people are pissed off at Benjy. He's trying to throw people under the bus about being late. Gary said Robin has been late but she's not chronically late. He said she's also there before the show starts, sometimes she has to get ready in the bathroom or something. Jon said that Benjy is literally walking in to start his day when he shows up late.
Jon asked Gary if he finds it to be a disrespect for the show. Gary said it is disrespecting the show. He said that they can live without Benjy on the show but it's about Benjy just saying that he doesn't give a shit and that he's not afraid of Howard.
Jon said that's what it is. He said that Howard has let it blow over a few times and he may finally be feeling really disrespected. He said Howard was really pissed today. He said it doesn't matter where you live either. He said you either take the job seriously or not. He said that you have to show up on time and that's it. Jon said that there are people who live 2 hours away and they get there on time.
Jason came in and said that he was on a roller coaster with Benjy today. He said he couldn't believe he showed up late again. He said Howard just yelled at him 6 weeks ago and then Benjy kept showing up like a minute before work. Jason said he started to feel bad for Benjy when Howard said he was going to fire him. Then later Howard backtracked and slapped him on the wrist. He said it was really bad when Benjy was dragging other people into it. He said that's bullshit. Jason said that was a bullshit move on Benjy's part.
Gary said that Benjy thinks they're picking on him but they're really not. Gary said in every office they have different rules for everyone. He said that Robin is a different kind of personality there and comparing himself to her is a stupid road to take. Jon said Howard said that to him too.
Jason said that Howard has a lot of problems with Benjy and he's talked about them on the air. Jason said Benjy knows that his lateness is a problem and to deflect to other people just doesn't matter and it's not sure.
Gary said he remembers a sit down meeting with Benjy at K-Rock about this subject. They weren't joking and there were no cameras or anything in the studio. He said Howard told him he had to show up on time.
Gary said he didn't want to open a can of worms but people were telling him about stuff that Benjy was up to other than that. Gary said that Benjy doesn't have to stick around after the show and he doesn't work on Friday's either. Gary said that's irritating other people that Benjy isn't working overtime to do bits and interviews for the show.
Jon said Benjy has a dream job and anyone would kill for that job. Gary said Benjy came to them as an intern and he had a lot of ideas from the get go. He said that they hired Benjy to do some research on guests and they didn't have a lot of money to do that. Gary said Benjy was hired because he had a lot of ideas. He said Benjy almost begged to get into the studio to be a writer. They went to bat for him and got him in the studio. Jackie was a little uncomfortable with that until he left. He said that Benjy wanted that job bad and he got it.
Jon said this isn't reflecting his talent. He said he's a great writer and that isn't showing when this happens. He said it got really bad when Howard said he had to meet with him off the air.
Jason said that Benjy now gets to go home an hour earlier and it's not much of a punishment. Jon said he thinks that Benjy was hurt by what happened. He said that he probably feels he's being singled out though. Gary said he's not sure why Benjy isn't fighting for his job. Jason said he didn't get that either. He said that he's so cavalier about his job and the punishments. Gary said he seemed to get angrier later in the show. Jason said he heard that Benjy was complaining about his plugs being taken away.
Jon asked Ronnie if he thinks that Benjy is trying to get Howard to fire him. Ronnie said that when Howard wants to talk off the air you know things are bad. He said he thinks that it's a mental thing with Benjy and he really doesn't want to be fired. He said Benjy lives the closest to the building and he takes a cab there. Gary said that it's odd that Benjy is always a minute or two late. Ronnie said he's late every day too.
Gary said that he's overslept before and he's like an hour late. He said that Benjy is a minute or two late every day. It has to be something bigger than just oversleeping. Jason said the other thing is that Gary will call in if he's going to be late. Benjy doesn't do that.
Jason said that Ronnie is right about Benjy being late all the time. He said he hates to pile on top of him but he is late if he's showing up at 5:59.
Jon said he wishes that Benjy were there because they really aren't piling on him. Ronnie said that he has tried to talk to Benjy about showing up on time. He said that he comes running in there and they had a talk with him about that. This morning he came in like a raging bull again and he just doesn't get it with him. Jon said it might be like a child and a parent and how you have to do something to get them to stop.
Ronnie said they should make Benjy work outside the studio. Gary said he thinks that he might leave if they do that. Gary said Benjy says weird things when they threaten him like that. Jon said Benjy puts it all on Howard to fire him if he wants. Ronnie said Benjy is disrespecting Howard big time. Everyone else shows up on time and Benjy just doesn't do it and he's disrespecting the guy who runs the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked who would replace Benjy if they do fire him. Gary said that it might be one of those things that doesn't need to be there anymore. He said it all depends on when people show up. Sometimes it's just the timing.
Gary said that Jackie and Artie are completely different guys and when Artie came in he told Artie to write down whatever he wanted to when he sat in the Jackie chair. He said that he wrote maybe one joke that first day but it didn't matter because he fit the show differently than Jackie did. He said maybe Benjy doesn't need to be replaced if he's fired.
Jason said that Howard has one issue with Benjy and it's him showing up on time. He said it doesn't matter what rung he's on and Benjy should realize that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he has a point system at his job and if they get to a certain point level they get fired. He said that's what they should have there.
Jon said that Benjy has been told multiple times that he won't be around anymore if he keeps showing up late. He said Howard doesn't want to be the bad guy but Benjy is forcing him to. The caller said Benjy is taking it for granted. He said they should suspend him for a month without pay or something like that to wake him up.
The guys talked about Benjy losing his access to the glom box and his plugs on this show. Shuli came in and said if the glom box had wheels on it you'd see Benjy wheeling it home every day. Shuli was also saying that it doesn't seem to affect Benjy at all when Howard goes off on him like this.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Lisa G came in and said one thing about Benjy and Howard did a 180. He said he thinks that Howard told Lisa to come in and do that. Ronnie laughed when he heard that. Gary said Howard doesn't have Lisa's text message and he would never do anything like that. He said that's an interesting theory though. Jason said they are not that organized there to make something like that happen. Ronnie said Howard has his back up against the wall now and he may have to be the bad guy.
Jason asked the parents in the room what they do if they threaten their kids and they don't follow through. Gary said that the kids will do the same thing again. Jon said that he's guilty of that. Gary said he is too.
Jon said one time one of his kids forgot to bring in some assignments for school and she did it one more time and they didn't bring it in. He said you have to follow through or the threats are empty threats. Gary said he had an incident recently where he carried the TV out of Jackson's room. He said his grades were suffering so he took the TV away and carried it right out. They had to go to break after that.
Jon said that no one has gotten near Benjy's mic in there today. He said he's not sur if it's out of respect or not.
Ralph called in ad said that he has some thoughts on this. He said Benjy is a good writer because he's nutty. He said that he comes up with really weird stuff. He said Benjy has a mental problem with getting in early. He needs to go to a shrink about it. Ralph said that's what he had to do because he had issues like that too. Ralph said he thinks that Benjy is down on himself and he does a lot of ''notice me'' stuff and he needs help. Ralph said Howard is the one who can fire Benjy and there is a history there. He said they've had meetings with him before.
Jon said that if Howard does fire Benjy he loses a great writer and he's almost punishing himself. Ralph said Howard would either accept that or deal with him showing up late. Ralph said it's Howard's fault at this point. He said that if he shows up late he should let it roll.
Ralph said he used to like showing up late to stuff when he was a kid. He got a thrill out of it. Ralph said he would run to the bus at the last minute and he loved that thrill. He said he would always wait for the second bell to ring so he could run up at the last second.
Ralph said that Benjy is a wacky guy and he's going to do stuff like this from time to time. Shuli said that Benjy was never a wack packer and Howard would never let someone like that sit in the studio. Jon said that it's not the talent level that's in question. Shuli said he thinks that Benjy can turn this stuff on and off. Ralph said they either accept it or not and they should just move on.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he doesn't miss Benjy and his vortex stuff. He said he does have the feeling that Howard let him off the hook with that Lisa G story today though. Jon said that Howard has a guy coming in and spitting in his face so he has to do something. The guy said Howard shouldn't even threaten to fire him if he's not going to follow through.
Jon said that he was going to talk to him off the air and that's a pretty serious thing there. Shuli said he thinks Howard is trying to shock Benjy into the reality of what he's going to lose if he does get fired. JD said he's tried that a bunch of times and it doesn't work.
The caller also told them that they shouldn't bother talking about Adam Carolla because he sucked today. Jon said he disagrees with him on that.
Another caller said that he works in business management and he has to make this whole thing work for Howard. He said that Benjy's hours should be changed from 6 to 5 instead. The guy said Benjy will show up at 5:10 or 5:15 but at least he'd be there before the show starts. The caller's phone kept cutting out but he was making some good points. Jon ended up giving him a Sonos unit as a prize for calling in.
Steve Langford came in and said that he wanted to make it clear that they would never collude to have Lisa come in and help Howard get out of something. They pride themselves on not telling Howard what they have in their headlines. Steve said no one has any idea of what the news is going to be. Steve said they go in there and just hit them with the news headlines... hard! Steve said that Lisa's headline wasn't to affect outcomes on the show. Jon said he had to take issue with him there. He said that they go into the studio to get a reaction. Steve said they want a reaction but not to change the outcome of the show.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he thinks that Benjy should be fired. Another guy called in and cursed out Ralph. He said Adam was really good on the show too. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how busy the show was going to be today. Joan Rivers was coming in to promote a movie about her life. Howard said he saw it yesterday and it's very good. He said it's kind of depressing but fascinating. He said she's an unusual woman. Howard said he's a big fan of Joan's but he's never seen insecurity like she has. Howard said she's yelling about not being called an icon in one moment and then she's got such nervousness about going out on stage that you'd think she was just starting her career. He said she never sees herself as someone who has made it.
Howard said Joan is seen without her make up on and it's very good and very interesting. Howard said she's had a lot of plastic surgery and she's very consumed with that make up. He said she freaks out on a make up woman when she doesn't have any make up on herself.
Howard said Johnny Carson is discussed in the special and they talk about the whole betrayal of Johnny and things like that. Johnny never got over that and never had Joan on his show again. Howard said he learned a lot from that movie.
Howard said they show Joan's apartment and she thinks she has very little money and thinks she's almost broke. He said they looked at her calendar and she goes nuts if she sees any blank spots on it. Howard said he dreams of the blank calendar. Howard said she wants no space on it.
Howard said Joan had a million club dates and show bookings when she was on Celebrity Apprentice. He said it's an amazing movie and he applauds her for opening up her life like that.
Robin said Joan used to come in there with an entire team. She used to have a bunch of people traveling with her. Howard said Joan has a manager that she was with for like 25 years and she had to fire the guy in the middle of the movie. Howard said Joan was crying when she did that.
Howard said you'd think that Joan was just starting her career if you came from Mars and saw this movie. He said it's crazy because she's 77 years old. Howard said it's wild. Robin asked if it shows her with her grand child. Howard said it does. He said the kid is good looking and Joan is consumed with looks so that's good. Howard said they go over a lot of stuff in her life and he thinks that Robin will like it too.
Howard said Steve Grillo is coming in too. He said he's up to some weird stuff. Howard said they'll get a little update on him. Howard said he dedicated his book to Steve so he must have been crazy at the time.
Howard had some clips from the show where they were talking about Benjy and his disrespect of the show. Gary and Jon were talking about the disrespect thing in the clip and it was like Benjy was saying to Howard he doesn't give a shit.
Howard said Gary was right. He said he was really upset about Benjy and talking to someone about it. He said it was like Benjy was saying ''fuck off'' to him. He said that there's a disruption when Benjy comes in when the show is starting. Howard said it felt like Benjy was telling him ''fuck you'' and that he doesn't care if he's late or not.
Howard said it was even weird seeing Benjy in there a half hour early. He said that's going to lead to Benjy coming in 2 hours early and sleeping in the studio.
Benjy told Howard he got there around 5 this morning. He's afraid that he's going to oversleep so he just came in extra early.
Howard said he was up late watching ''America's Got Talent'' and Howie Mandel is great as a judge on that show. Howard said it's going to be tough to replace Simon Cowell on Idol but Howie Mandel came in and made that America's Got Talent better. Howard said Howie works with the audience and he can bring people out and make them interesting on stage. He said Howie is sitting there on the show and he effortlessly becomes the most important judge. He said he didn't do it in a pushy way either. Howard said Piers used to be the chief judge but Howie is doing a great job and his opinion is the one you want to hear.
Howard said he's surprised that he hasn't read any reviews of the show because Howie really is good on there. Robin said that Sharon replaced another person and Howie is replacing David Hasslehoff. Howard said he only saw a half hour of the show but it's very interesting. He said he's starting to believe that Simon Cowell can be replaced. They just need to find the right person. Robin said he's saying that the show can survive? Howard said it can survive if they find someone as good as Howie Mandel.
Howard said there was no disruption for the show when they put Howie on there. He said that Ellen Degeneres just isn't ''that guy'' for Idol. Howard said he has nothing against Ellen but she seems awkward on that show.
Howard said he went to bed around 10 last night. He said his alarm went off and he got up. He said he got dressed and then he checked his email and went to work. It's so simple. Howard said Benjy went overboard and showed up at like 4 in the morning. Howard said that's fine with him. He told him to just be there when the show starts.
Benjy said that he was late maybe 3 or 4 times in 12 months and he's not late all the time. Howard said he wants him to stop feeling challenged by him on this. Benjy said he thinks that Howard has it in his head that he's late more than other people there and it's just not true. Howard said it throws him off when he shows up and opens that door when the show has started. He can't take it and it's making him mental.
Benjy insists that he's not late that often. Fred said that it's irrelevant if he thinks he's been late a few times or not. Howard has a problem with it and he can't argue with that. Benjy said he disagrees with Fred. Fred asked who the boss is. Benjy said Howard is. Fred said if the boss says show up on time then what do you do? Fred said that Howard doesn't call attention to it all the time. He said that it does happen often and Benjy is very distracting.
Howard said it seems that it's happening a lot more than 3 times a year. Robin said he has gotten better but he does show up late. Howard said Ronnie tells him that he's late every day. He had some audio of Ronnie on the Wrap Up Show talking about that lateness. Ronnie said he shows up every single day late.
Fred told Howard that Benjy always shows up a minute into the show. He said he can start the show at 6:02 and Benjy will show up at 6:03. If he starts the show at 5:59 he'll show up at 6:01. He said it's always within a minute or so of the show starting. If he was oversleeping you'd think he'd show up 15 minutes late, or an hour late. That doesn't happen.
Howard played some more Wrap Up Show clips where the guys were talking about Benjy and his lateness. Howard said Benjy likes that though. They were comparing disciplining kids to disciplining Benjy. Howard said he doesn't want to be the boss there but Benjy is forcing him to do that. He said they're a team there and they should be able to get things done.
Howard said Benjy is overboard showing up early but that's fine with him. He said he knows that Benjy will start coming in so early that he's going to sleep in the studio. Gary thought he was sleeping this morning because he had his eyes closed talking to one of the interns. Gary said Benjy was looking the other way with his eyes closed. Howard said he thought it was a new shtick that Benjy was doing.
Howard said moustaches are weird to begin with. He said the thing changes Jordan's whole face and it's weird. He said that he has to put a lot of effort into it too. Howard said that it's not even as thick as Hitler's was so it looks really peculiar. Howard said he watched that commercial like 3 times because he was fascinated by it. He said it's just there and you can't stop looking at it.
Howard said Jordan is a good looking guy but the moustache takes away from his looks. He said it makes him look comical. Howard said he has to grow one now.
Howard said this aluminum thing kills all sweat. He said he can run 5 miles and not smell. He said it can't be good for you so he's paranoid now. He said he feels an irritation under his arm so he's convinced he has cancer of the arm pit. Howard said he has to stop checking under there because it's going to make him mental.
Howard said Beth tells him to just stop being so neurotic. He said he uses Dry Idea and it works. He said he doesn't care if it has aluminum in it or not. He said he can't do the hippie deodorants. Robin said she's not sure she can go to that stuff.
Howard told Robin to just try it. He said this Dry Idea really works. The caller asked how paranoid Howard is about eating fish now. Howard said he's not yet. He said the other things on his radar are Wi-Fi and cell phones. He said he's convinced that people in their 40s are going to get brain cancer from using cell phones all the time. Howard said he read an article about it and they say that just isn't going to happen. He said he's sticking with his Wi-Fi. He said he's not worried about processed food so much either.
Howard said he had to make his dinner last night so he ordered some Chinese food. Howard said he got the sauce on the side and had shrimp with broccoli. He said he puts it all in a wok and puts one tablespoon of the sauce in the mix. He said he uses some soy sauce too.
Howard said he thinks he has high body fat even though he looks kind of thin. He said that if Robin saw him naked, she would die. He said that she's never seen anything like this on the planet or any other planet. Howard said he runs and eats relatively well but he still has fat. Howard said he does all kinds of things to get in shape but it doesn't work. Howard said his ass looks awful and he does a ton of squats and things. He said if he pulled his pants down Robin would die.
Howard said that woman Helen Thomas is really a heinous looking woman. He said she looks like a gargoyle or the woman in the movie ''Drag Me To Hell.'' He said she's really horrible looking. Howard asked if she was ever married. Benjy said she was married for like 11 years. Fred said she was like 50 at the time she got married. Howard said she couldn't have had any kids at that age. He said it must have been a fluke that she got married.
Howard said he wanted to call Adam after the show to tell him how good he was. Howard said he doesn't have an email for this guy Adam. He said he has a phone number for his house in California but not even a cell phone number. Howard said he was going to write to Jimmy and tell him to pass along a message but he's not his father or anything. Howard said he'll figure out a way to do it but he'll have to play phone tag with him. Gary said he has his email and he should have asked for it.
Howard said Adam thinks that Podcasting thing is going to be big some day. Howard said there is something missing from Podcasts because the audience can't participate. Howard said you need to have someone to finance it too. He said you need a team to set it all up and it's a little too wild west for him. Howard said if he leaves he's going to be in something that's a big company. He said that they need a staff of sales people and lawyers and things. Howard said he's met with people who have things that aren't even in cars yet and he doesn't want to be part of that.
The caller asked to be put on hold but Howard told the guy he can't leave him on there for long. He said he's taking up one of his phone lines.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jimmy Kimmel ripped off a bit from Howard. Howard said Jimmy thinks that it's not a rip off and he got upset with Ralph for accusing him of that. Howard said it's irrelevant to him if he ripped it off or not. The caller said Howard should give him support because it's so much better than Leno or Letterman. Howard said he does support Jimmy. He said no one gives him more support than he does. Howard said he'll do Jimmy's show out there sometime.
Howard took a call from a guy who was so hard to understand that they didn't have any idea what he said. Howard said it was the cell phone cutting out that made it hard to understand. The guy asked his question again and Howard figured it out. It was something about Howard lying about not being able to go out with Adam last night because he was home making dinner for himself alone last night. Howard said that was last minute changes and he wasn't able to get in touch with Adam anyway. He said he would like to have dinner with Adam but he couldn't do it this week. He said he's not lying, well, maybe a little bit. He said there is some truth in what he's saying.
Howard said his shrink canceled on him yesterday. He said this guy has a plan where he meets with other psychiatrists. He hopes that his case isn't being discussed there.
Howard said he had so much free time yesterday that he was getting a ton of work done. He said not going to the shrink lets him get a ton of stuff done. Howard said it fucks everything up when he has to go. He said the shrink tells him he still has to go that often though.
Robin told Howard that he could get out of it by saying he doesn't need him so bad if he's not going to be there for him.
Howard took a call from the guy on hold. He told him he can't keep him on hold. The phone was echoing so Howard just hung up on him. Howard said he can't go to Podcasting because he can't imagine the crazy requests he'd get from people.
Howard said the state of radio is so bad that everyone is getting into Podcasting. He said that it's like the end of the road now. Robin said there are people that are making it work. Robin said there was a guy from MTV who is doing it and making a living. Adam Curry is the guy she was talking about. Gary said that Adam claims to have millions of people. He said he sold his company for some crazy amount of money. Howard said he's full of shit.
Gary read about Adam Curry and told Howard that he claims to have made a lot of money from the Podcasting thing. Howard said that he can't have a private plane. If he does, he'll start doing Podcasting. Howard said there's no way Adam is making that kind of money on Podcasting. Howard said there is no one making money on Podcasting. Howard said guys like Drudge and Perez Hilton are making money but not Podcasting guys.
Robin read some stuff about Curry and said that he was one of the first celebrities to do Podcasting. Robin said that he owns a Cessna 182. Howard said he thought it was going to be a Gulfstream or something. Howard asked what he's doing that's making him money. Gary said that it was the Podcast company that made him money. Fred said it's probably the technology. Robin read that he started Podshow Inc. and some people have invested in that.
Gary said that Adam claims he doesn't have to work another day in his life. Howard told Gary to book him on the show so he can ask him what he does to make money. Howard said he guarantees he doesn't make money from his Podcast. He said it has to be some other business based on the Podcast. Howard said he wants to know how it works.
Howard said there isn't any money in Podcasting. He said there are guys who were in radio for 30 years who are doing Podcasts now. Howard said he's listened to some Podcasts and they don't sound all that relevant.
Howard said it has to be depressing to guys like Adam Carolla who were working on radio and now have to do Podcasts and not making any money. Howard said that it would be really sad if they had to do that. They'd be talking to no one. Howard said he couldn't go through that humiliation.
Howard said Adam has the right attitude. He said he thinks that it's going to replace regular radio and satellite. Howard said that gets him through it but it's not bigger than anything at this point.
Howard said Adam was telling him he didn't want to do the Lovelines show anymore because he didn't want to talk to kids about sex. Howard said that's what that whole show was about though. He said that's what drove him crazy about the FCC too. Howard said the FCC was making up the rules as they went along. He said he felt that everyone was against him when he was on terrestrial radio. He said that kids are under the supervision of their parents at 6 in the morning and not at 11 at night. Howard said that there was proof that they had no teen listeners when they were on terrestrial. Howard said the FCC made up a rule about how they could do dirty talk after 10 at night. Howard said at 10 at night he was a big radio guy. He said he would listen to radio at that time of night.
Howard said the FCC okay'd it to let them talk about sex after 10 at night and they'd take calls from 12 year olds on Lovelines about vaginal dryness and pubic hair. Howard said that made him nuts. He did an impression of what that sounded like with the 12 year olds calling in talking about pussy hair and things like that.
Robin said she was out running in the park yesterday and some kids had a sprinkler going off and one kid was dancing in it and a younger girl must have hit a spot on her pussy and she was just letting the water jet up between her legs. She wouldn't move. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and had Joan Rivers come in. Howard said he saw her movie and it was really good. Joan said she has a shit deal with that movie company and she doesn't even want to promote it. Howard said the movie is great. He said it's very sad too. He said he kind of recognizes himself in it. He said he loves Joan and he's one of her biggest fans. He said that she's very inspirational to him. Joan just laughed. Howard said Joan works on her jokes and her act and keeps it relevant. Many people in their 70s just do their old act. Howard said Joan is very quick and doesn't seem old.
Howard said the pressure in her life makes her think that she's a beginner. Joan said that is true. Howard said she's like a kid just starting out. Joan said that the movie is called ''Joan Rivers is a Piece of Work'' and she's never had that big moment where she got big money. She's never had a 5 year contract in her life.
Joan said Foxwoods booked her and they told her that she has to promote that she's on with Don Rickles. She said she doesn't have to promote it because they only gave her 2 shows. If they gave her a 10 year deal then maybe she'd do that.
Howard said he can't believe she spent all of her money. Joan said she spends a lot of money on the people that work for her. She said that she spends money to make sure their kids have a good education.
Howard said Joan was dating a millionaire who would only take a taxi when he'd go out. Joan said that was like 10 years ago and he told her that she was spoiled. Joan said that he got a car to drive him after they broke up.
Howard said he was on his couch watching her movie yesterday and he was riveted. He said it was terrific but sad. He felt sad for Joan. He said at one point in the movie she was looking at her calendar and she wanted to it be filled completely. He said that even her daughter, Melissa, told Joan that it was too much. Joan said the happiest moments in her life are when she's on stage. Howard said she seems to hate that too though. He said she's a neurotic mess.
Howard said Joan was sitting there sizing the other comedians up while she was preparing for the show. Joan said she learned that you're only as good as your last shot. She said you can't rest on your laurels when you're a comedian. Joan said she likes to keep her act fresh. She said she doesn't want people thinking they heard her talk about something already.
Howard said he doesn't get what's going on with Joan. He said she must be as sick as he is. Howard said he gets crazy when he goes on Letterman.
Joan said she asked Peter Lassally how many shots she'd have on the Tonight Show if she bombed. She said he told her 2 times. Howard said that Joan was in love with Johnny too. He said Johnny felt betrayed by Joan when she got her own show. Joan said she thanked Johnny for 20 years. She said she was making no money and Johnny was making $350 million. Joan said she had a shot to do her own show and she had to take it. Joan said she called Johnny and he hung up on her. He said that was after 20 years. Howard said that means he was threatened by her. Joan said he was making $350 million and maybe he should have offered her a job. She said she had to take the job from FOX.
Howard said FOX built her up and then tore her down. Joan said she still can't discuss it. She said it still hurts her too much. Howard said he saw her starting to cry talking about it in the movie. Joan started to get upset again just talking about it with Howard. Howard said these networks take you and hire you and then they tear you down.
Howard asked what Joan's ratings were back then. Joan said she didn't remember but she met with the president of FOX and he told her that they never lost a penny on her. Joan said it was a personal thing with some people over there that led to her being fired.
Howard said it was too intense a situation with Carson and with FOX. Joan said her manager at that point had another guy waiting in the wings to put in. She said when she left the other guy went in. Joan said it was a very strange time in her life.
Howard said they should have left Joan alone to do her thing and she would have been fine. Joan said she wouldn't have had the fun life she has had since then if she had kept the show.
Howard said Joan is in the movie without her make up. He said he's never seen her without it. Howard asked if she asked them not to put it out like that. Robin said that Joan is so vain. Joan said Robin is too. Joan said she had to let it all hang out for the documentary.
Howard said Joan has done it all in the business but she thinks that she's just beginning when she does a show. Howard said it's a really weird thing because she's so accomplished. Joan said she's really not.
Joan told Howard she would love to do a show on the internet where she just talks to people but her daughter told her she can't afford it. Howard said she's probably right about that.
Howard said that Joan has no outside interests and that's why she has to work all the time. Joan let Howard know that she's just about working from paycheck to paycheck but it's one big paycheck to another big paycheck.
Howard asked Joan what she does when she's alone. Joan said she reads and does crossword puzzles. Howard said she keeps all of her jokes in a file folder. He said she could put them in the computer but Joan said she likes to hold them.
Gary came in and said that Joan's energy level is amazing. He said she goes out and does book signings and comedy shows and then flies to some place and gets to the hotel and tells them not to wake her up before 6am. He said he wouldn't want to be woken up until 6am 3 days from then.
Howard said Joan wins Celebrity Apprentice in that movie and she was in heaven. Joan thought that it was going to change things in her life. Howard said no one could make her happier than she was after winning that show. Howard asked Joan if she thinks she's ever made it. Joan said that will never happen. She said she's not sad though. Howard said Joan is so whacked out of her skull that it makes her crazy. He said it's a neurotic compulsion.
Howard said he thinks that Joan hates Kathy Griffin even though she's friends with her. Joan said that she's upset that Kathy is getting her work. Joan said that Kathy is doing very well and she deserves it. They both have the same agent and she hears about her all the time. She said she loves Kathy though.
Howard asked Joan what it is about Ben Stiller that she doesn't like. Joan said he's very arrogant. She said she's met him a few times and he's been very arrogant. Joan said she's a friend of his parents and he should come over and say hello at events that they're at. Howard said she made that clear in her movie.
Howard said Joan went to a George Carlin event and she was friendly with him but she bad mouthed him in the movie. Joan said that she didn't like the way George was in the end. She said that he was against the fat, rich cats when he was working but in the end he was going and taking the award that those people were giving. Howard said Joan was a mess in the show because of all of the people that were at the event. He said it was one neurotic thing after another.
Howard said he doesn't get why Joan thinks George Carlin sold out. Joan said she doesn't think he would have accepted that award that they were giving George. She said that he was against all of those people.
Howard said maybe George would have come to accept that kind of thing later in his life. Howard said he might be a sell out because he works for a big company that's filled with rich people. Joan said what she loved about George was that he was fighting all of this. Then they were standing there watching all of the people that he was fighting against applauding him.
Howard said Joan works with Don Rickles and she claims to love him but then she bad mouthed him too. Joan said that is not true. She said she once said something off the record about 9 years ago and they put it in an article. Howard said Joan loves working with Don. Joan said she was so upset about that article that she started to eat for 3 days. She said she called Don and apologized to him for what happened.
Howard said the season finale of ''How'd You Get So Rich'' is on tonight. He also gave her some plugs for her movie that's opening on June 18th. She's also appearing with Don Rickles at the MGM Grand at the Foxwoods Casino in Connecticut.
Howard asked Joan about going out with Don and what that's like. Joan said that she opens for Don and she gets to go home earlier. She said that she's home in bed by the time Don is done. They split the money 50/50 too.
Howard said Joan has to rush out of there because she's so busy. Joan ran down some of the stuff she's doing today and she has a full day of promotion and stuff.
Howard asked what she thinks of Helen Thomas. Joan said she wishes this had happened 20 years ago so she would have to suffer more. She said she's a big, fat pig.
Howard said Joan had to handle a heckler in the movie and it sucks the energy right out of the show. Howard said Joan had to handle the guy because the guy was ruining the show. Joan said that was a 4,000 seat theater and it's great to hear them all laugh at once. She said there's no better feeling.
Howard asked Joan when she last kissed a man. Joan said it was 3 years ago. She misses having someone but it's also nice to be able to watch whatever she wants to watch on TV. She said that the dogs are allowed in the bed too.
Howard said he saw that Joan had to fire her manager in the movie. He said he saw she had pictures of her and her agent and he thought about it and wanted some pictures with his agent. He said he and Don have been through a lot. Howard said Joan had to fire this guy and he wondered what happened. Joan said it was a long time thing and it had happened for Cher too. She said it was over a 3 year period and she had to make this decision that was very tough. She said she bumped into him at a party 3 weeks ago and she went right over to him and told him she misses him. He said ''Yeah, right'' and walked away. Joan said she wasn't able to find the guy when she needed him. Joan said she thinks that it was just his pattern. She said that he manages one other person right now. Joan said this had been going on for years and even back at FOX she was unable to find him at times.
Howard asked if Joan has a new manager now. Joan said she does. Howard asked if she thinks she has too many people working for her. She said it's a business she's running so she needs them. She has a lot going on. Joan said she's got a lot of stuff going on and they're working on new stuff too.
Howard said Joan has a new product that women can use to color in their scalp. Joan said it looks natural and it's brilliant. She said she loves it so much. Howard wrapped up with Joan and gave her some more plugs for a bunch of things. Joan said she's happy that she has all of this stuff going on. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he had a lot more to talk to Joan about. He ended up talking about how Jesse James had written a nice note to Joan and no one is talking about that. He wondered if Jesse was trying to get into her pants too. Howard said Joan looked very pretty when she was younger and she went nuts with the plastic surgery. He said she's about as insecure as they come.
Howard said he's worked up about the oil spill and when you drive by the BP gas stations there are people buying gas there. He said people are lined up for gas there when there are other stations right next to them. He wondered what's up with that. Howard said they're killing the environment because they're too lazy to put in anything to prevent the spill.
Scott DePace said that they're not criminal right now and he would go to their gas station today. Howard said Brent from Bubba's show sent him a bunch of stuff about this. He said Brent sent him an article from the Washington Post where they talk about the problems that BP has had over the years and how Dick Cheney and Haliburton were involved.
Howard said Scott is calling this an accident but it was preventable so it's not an accident. Howard said drilling in the middle of the ocean is very dangerous and they should have had these safety mechanisms put in but they didn't do it. He said they could have prevented this. Scott said they had safety measures but they failed. Howard said here were more that they could have had in there and they didn't do it because they wanted to save money.
Howard said he could read some of this Washington Post article but it was very long. Howard read some of it and they were talking about some of the rules that BP disregarded. Howard and Scott argued about whether or not that was criminal. Scott said it may be but they should be concentrating on getting the leak stopped right now. Howard said they all want the leak stopped but they also want someone to take responsibility for this.
Howard said if he read the rest of the article people would throw up. He said he knows that the fans don't want him to be spending too much time on that and getting too serious. Fred said that he'll automatically become a liberal if he talks about that too. He said it's ridiculous. Fred said this stuff is petroleum and it doesn't burn. He said it's not going to be easy to clean up.
Howard said that President Bush said for 8 years that they didn't need regulation. He said he wanted to let them drill anywhere. Scott said that they should be drilling up in Alaska and not in the ocean. He said that would help with the leaks if they have any. Howard said they have to spend more money on safety regulations and stuff.
Howard, Fred, Robin and Scott were all talking over one another. Scott was the one arguing with everyone else. Howard said that they get Scott's point of view even if it is insane. Howard said he wanted to move along. He was doing his impression of Scott for a minute after that.
Howard read more of the stuff Brent sent to him about the Haliburton deal and Dick Cheney. Fred had some details on that too. He said that they don't have any records of what went on but no one is giving them up.
Howard said he bets that all of these guys are rich from being in bed with the oil companies. He said it's a big mess.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that BP is hiring people to clean up the oil spill and they've spent a million bucks on it and they've saved just 2 birds. Fred said they say that a lot of the birds won't survive and they're saying they should just kill them because they won't survive anyway. The caller said he can't even get into the training program for this clean up. He said they hire people who look like homeless people you'd step over on the street.
The caller said that the BP stations are being sold and bought up by Shell stations down where he lives. He said they have these horrible tar balls that are floating around and it's killing the home values of the homes on the water. Howard said it looks like another planet down there where the oil is. He said they're still cleaning up after the Exxon Valdez 25 years later so this is going to be going on for many years. The caller said that they have a lot of dead animals washing up on shore. Howard said that's only what they're seeing. There is a lot more that could be down deep in the water.
Another caller said that he sent Will a link about what's been going on with Bush and Cheney. He said they were involved with this a lot. The caller said that they also started this Tea Bag thing and they should have been there when Bush and Cheney were in office. Howard said it looks like Mars down there were the oil is washing up on shore.
Howard played the 9-1-1 call and didn't hear the woman typing at all like in the Gary Coleman 9-1-1 call. In the call the father told the operator that his daughter was out of it and he needed an ambulance. Howard said the guy should have said that she was married to Larry King and they would have said ''Say no more...'' Howard said this is what he would expect in the first week of the marriage.
Howard let the call play and the father said that his daughter was unconscious. He said he was slapping her and hollering at her and she wasn't waking up. Howard kept joking that he should have just said she was married to Larry King and that would have explained it all.
There was some typing sounds in the clip. Howard said there was a little bit but not as much as the other operator in the Gary Coleman call. Howard let it play through some more and said that maybe she was IM'ing the other 9-1-1 operator.
The father said he didn't think his daughter was suicidal. Howard said if he thought about her being married to Larry King he might change his mind on that. Howard did an impression of Larry talking to his wife who was in the bathroom trying to avoid him. Howard would play clips and then do his Larry King impression and goof on Larry and his wife.
Howard let the clip play some more and said he likes this operator more than the Gary Coleman operator. Howard said this one seems to be trying to help more.
Howard said he had some audio of Larry talking about this. It was some edited clips of Larry talking about some wacky stuff.
Howard had Daniel from the Bleeding Deacons on the phone. He asked about what songs they'll be performing. Daniel said they have songs about Robin and about some of the other people on the show. They should be doing about an hour and 40 minute show together. Mikey will do about 40 and then the Bleeding Deacons will do about an hour.
Daniel said they'll be doing ''She's Self Lubricated'' as their finale song. Howard asked if that's when everyone comes out to perform together. They're going to be at BB Kings in Times Square on Friday night. Then they're doing another show on Saturday night at another venue.
Howard asked what the one song is that gets people out of their seats. Daniel said it's probably the ''143'' song. Howard said that one was about Sal's wife and the guy she was texting ''143'' to which means ''I Love You'' in text speak.
Howard had Fred play the 143 song. Daniel said they just did a new video and remade a Lady Gaga video in their own way. It has nothing to do with the show so Howard said they just want Sal and Robin songs there.
Howard asked what Little Mike's big song is. Daniel said it's probably ''Nuts On Her Chin'' and he'll be doing that one at the show. The Chorizo Guy will be there too. He said that Mariann from Brooklyn may come out and sing her ''All I Need'' song. Howard had Fred play some of the Chorizo Guy's song. Fred played that one too.
Howard had Fred play some of Little Mikey's ''Nuts On Her Chin'' song. Howard asked Robin if she can imagine going to that show. Robin said no. Howard asked what it would cost to get her there. /Robin said it would be more than they're going to make.
Gary said that the new interns have never heard these songs and they're out there cracking up. He said they loved ''Nuts on her Chin.'' Howard said the guys are doing BB Kings and then Club Vibe in Rockville Centre on Saturday night. Howard gave them some plugs for their shows and spent another minute talking to Daniel. Howard said Robin is very honored by this but she's keeping her mouth shut. Daniel said that they were going to do some benefit shows for the 15 Foundation too. Howard said Robin would probably love that. He let Daniel go a short time later. They played another Deacons song as they ended that segment.
Howard said he saw a picture of Sarah Palin that makes it look like she got implants. Howard said he thinks that she did based on the pictures he saw. Howard said it's so funny because she wants to be taken seriously. Howard said she's way too big now. Howard said we don't need a President with breast implants. Howard said her tits are like twice the size they were and she looks hot. Howard said the pictures were on Gawker.com.
Howard said John Stamos is going to be on Glee next season. Howard said John sent him a note about it and the producer of the show heard John on the Stern Show a few weeks ago and created the part for him. Howard said that was the day that John was upset with him. He said that Belzer also got a role from being on this show. Howard said he's happy for John and that something positive came out of that whole thing. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he had some 9-1-1 tape of Larry King's wife's father asking the operator to keep it private. Howard said people don't realize that they can release these tapes but he doesn't get why it's helpful to anyone. Howard said if he calls 9-1-1 now he's going to think twice about giving out information. He said that it should be a safe haven. He said that they shouldn't release this stuff.
Howard played the audio where the dad asks the operator not to let it out that his daughter is on Subutex which is what Artie was on. In the clip the father told the operator about the Subutex to help with her anxiety and depression to help her through her menopause. The father said she's married to Larry King and he doesn't want it to get out. The operator then says it's confidential. Howard said she should know that they can release this stuff.
Howard said if he was married to Larry King he'd be on heroin. He said he'd have to. Howard said there is no other drug that would knock him out. He said Subutex wouldn't work for him. He said he's not sure what she was using it. Robin said that it's used to treat narcotic dependence. Howard said it's going to get out there if you call 9-1-1. Robin said that the operator didn't even know that. Howard said that's crazy stuff. He's not sure how that makes any sense.
Howard asked Robin to put herself into Shawn King's shoes and imagine Larry on top of her. Robin asked if she'd have to be on drugs immediately. Howard imagined that she would. Howard asked Robin if she would rather make out with Larry or just let him fuck her and not kiss. Robin said she would rather have sex with Larry than have to kiss him. Howard said he has the same answer which is weird. Robin said she could just lay there and think about something else. She wouldn't have to participate.
Howard said he thinks that the woman who married Rush Limbaugh may end up in the same kind of situation. Howard said her father may end up on 9-1-1 making a call about his daughter being on Subutex some day. Howard said Rush is really vile. He said he can't imagine that poor woman being stuck with him. Howard spent a minute goofing on Rush.
Howard said Grillo was on his way to becoming an electrician. He said he backed out a few years before he could become one but he hated the job. Steve said he didn't fit in that job. Howard said he thinks that the show ruined Steve and he didn't think that he belonged in anything like that. Steve said he was on The Sopranos. Howard said he was a stand in. Steve said he was on the set with great actors.
Howard told Steve that he's not a great actor and that's not working for him. Steve said that Rodney Dangerfield didn't make it until he was in his 40s. Howard told Steve he's no Rodney.
Howard said Steve is broke and he has a shitty trailer up for sale and he should give up on the acting thing. Howard said they put Steve on camera once in The Sopranos. Steve said he was the only stand-in that got that though.
Howard told Steve he was 18 when he got into this radio thing. He said by the time he was 37 he was in New York radio at number one. Howard asked Grillo if he's taking acting classes. Steve said he is and his buddy Jagger Kaye teaches classes. He said it's an amazing acting program.
Steve said that he was making good money on The Sopranos and he was working in a night club making more money and then 9/11 happened. He said they stopped filming The Sopranos for a while and then no one came into New York for a while so he had to get into the electrician thing again.
Howard asked Robin if Steve will ever be an actor. Robin said he should be doing something else other than acting. Howard said Steve has trouble speaking so he isn't going to be an actor. Steve laughed at that. Howard said Steve handed Gary something earlier and Grillo said something to him and he didn't understand him.
Gary said Steve is working for the Census bureau. Steve said he can't talk about this. He said that he's an enumerator but that's about all he can say. He said he is knocking on people's doors though.
Steve said he went on an audition and he blew everyone out of the water. He said he was better than other people for this reality show. He said he was going to be a roadie. Grillo said that it's ''So You Want To Be A Roadie.'' He said he got a letter from the place where he has a trailer and they were going to tow it away. Howard said it's parked at some campground and they're threatening to take it away. Grillo said that's his happy place. Grillo said he can't afford the site fee. He said he owes a couple of grand from the previous years and this year is 3 grand.
Steve said he asked the producer for the reality show wants to make a show about his life. Now they want to make a show about his life. Howard sounded shocked when he said ''What!?'' to him. Steve said he had great stories from when he was growing up. Now they want to hire him to do this show but he needs his trailer.
Steve said this Roadie show isn't sold yet so they're trying to sell it to a network. Steve said he's going to have that part if they can sell it to a network. Steve said he brought the producers with him to prove it. Steve said they could explain it better than he can. Steve said this isn't costing him anything but he's also not making money.
Howard said if the trailer is so important to Steve then maybe the production company should pay his bill. Steve said they're fronting the production. Robin said she didn't want anything to do with this. She said that if they were going to do a TV show based on his life then they should secure the trailer.
Howard had the producers come in to talk about this. He asked the guys what they have produced so far. The one guy said that they just finished their 8th season of ''Bullshit!'' with Penn and Teller. He said he's the director of photography. He said he produced ''Dare to Dream'' for NBC. He said that was a concert that they did. Howard said that the production company has not had a hit yet. Howard told Grillo that this isn't going to work.
Robin asked why they're talking about something else if Grillo was so good in Roadie. They said that Grillo has a lot of funny stories and they can make a show out of it. Howard asked why they can't get the trailer themselves then if this show is going to be so good. One of the guys said that it was up to Steve to secure the site. He said that they were busy securing other things for the show. Howard said Grillo hasn't been paid a thing yet so he's not sure why he's the one who has to secure the site.
Gary came in and said he put in Kevin's name and found that he produced two things. One of them was called Foreign Exchange. He wasn't sure if it was a porno or not. Howard said these guys are feeding into Steve's dreams and he's worried about him.
Howard said he doesn't want them to cut him off but the chances of Grillo's show making it are very slim. They said it could go a long way with Howard's help. Howard said they know as well as he does that they should have secured the trailer if they're the production company. They don't have the money for that though.
The producers said they set up a benefit show to raise the money for this trailer. Grillo said he wants to get this one and he doesn't feel comfortable with a hat in his hand. He said it's only 10 bucks though so he's giving away shit and they have bands and stuff.
Howard asked Grillo who is paying the rent in his house. Grillo said he and his wife split it all. He said that he hasn't paid his half of the rent yet though. He's waiting on some Census checks to come.
Howard said he's not sure what to do here. He said these guys have nothing going on other than a movie with titties in it. Steve said he's at a loss for what to do. He said he needs a bartending gig. Grillo said he has just two nights a week right now. Grillo said he loves the work but it's tough to find a place with steady work. He said everyone wants women with big tits for the jobs too.
Howard said he's going to save Steve right now. He put the word out that Steve needs his electrician job back. He said that they have to let him back in the union, he's begging them. Steve said he can't pick up where he left off. He'd have to start all over again. Howard said maybe they can do a Retarded Apprentice thing with Steve.
The producer guys think they have a show with Steve's childhood stories. Howard said they don't have any experience making shows. Steve said this might be the show for them. Howard doesn't seem to think it's going to work.
Howard said Steve should follow in his father's footsteps and work at the post office. Steve said that's just not him though. He said he can't do that. He said he would rather run a restaurant. Howard said no one is going to let him run a restaurant. Steve said no one is going to let him deliver mail either.
Steve said that Howard may not like it but this is the way things are going down. He said the benefit show is on Friday night. He said that once they sell the show to a network then they'll get more money to produce the show. He said they're going to do some casting soon and they're going to have an 11 year old Steve and a 17 year old Steve.
Ronnie said his son offered Steve some work when he was starting out. Ronnie said they're offering him a job now too. Steve said he doesn't want to be an electrician. He said he can't go backwards, he has to move forward. Steve said that's not what he wants to do. Howard said he's not doing anything. Steve said he will get a bartending job or something. He's not going to be an electrician.
Howard said that you can check out the Save the Trailer benefit this Friday. The show is 10 bucks at the door. They're going to have music, food and giveaways at this club. Steve said they have the club for 4-5 hours. The show is at club Pacha on 46th street in Manhattan. Steve said he needs like 300 people to come and he thinks he can pull it off. He said he should be able to make exactly what he needs.
Howard said he would watch the show if they get it produced. He said that Steve is pretty fascinating. They said they filmed some stuff before Steve came up this morning. They said that went pretty well too. Howard said he hopes that Steve makes something of his life since he did dedicate his book to him. Howard said he's sorry he did that. Howard told Steve he hopes it works out for him. If it doesn't then he should find a job doing something else.
Howard was going to wrap up with Steve but Steve had to mention that his brother is a US Navy Seal so he had to say hi to team 5.
Howard asked what stories the producers heard that made them like him so much. They said that his friends and his family stories are great. There were times when his mother would ruin a moment with girls and things like that. Howard said they sound like great stories. Steve said it doesn't translate to radio. He said on TV it should be great.
Steve said that Mason Reese is going to be in the show. He said he has a successful bar that he runs. Howard asked if he can work there. Steve said he's not the one who does the hiring there. Steve said Mason is one of the owners. It's all very confusing.
Howard asked where they're going to pitch the show. They said TNT and FX and maybe ABC. They're going to try to keep it clean enough to do that. Howard gave the guys some more plugs for the benefit show. Howard said that if anyone is looking to fill out the census forms, keep an eye out for Steve Grillo.
Fred finally did his Grillo impression and asked some Census questions as Steve. Steve was wondering where Fred was. He was quiet the whole time. Steve said he loves Fred.
Howard said he's pulling for Steve. Steve thanked him for that. The producers run the company Kindle Creative for anyone looking for their services. Howard played them out with a prank call Sal and Richard made using clips of Steve Grillo. Grillo said he'd never heard that before. Howard and Fred did more of their Grillo impressions as they went to break.
Howard came back and had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said that Benjy was out yelling in the hallway yesterday as Howard slept in his office. He said that he's also been lying about an argument between Mike Morales and Steve. Howard said that Benjy was accusing Steve of hitting Mike. Howard said he saw the tape and he was lying about it. Steve said that Benjy lies and lies and thinks he's going to deflect. He said he might want to think about shutting up.
Howard said that Benjy was late for work and he shouldn't be starting in with anyone. Steve said that Mike denied it on tape. Howard said he heard Steve and Mike had words but that was it. Howard told Benjy to calm down. Benjy said he didn't lie. Howard said Benjy has to stop worrying so much about other people.
Benjy said that Mike claims that Steve made a physical threat against him. Steve said that is not true and he's lying. Howard said he saw the tape of Benjy yelling at Steve. He said it was pretty wild. Benjy said that Mike said Steve made a physical threat against him. Howard said that Steve just said. Steve said that Benjy is a pathetic, pathological liar. He said that Benjy tells lies and more lies. He said that he thinks that Detlev Bronk is related to him too. Benjy said he has never said he was. He told Steve to find tape saying he was.
Steve said that they have a poll that says 76 percent of fans think Benjy should be fired. Benjy was trying to talk over him but Steve just kept rolling with his news preview. He had a couple of other stories that Benjy was trying to talk over.
Benjy said that he should bring Morales in and prove what he was saying. Howard said that Mike agrees with Steve that there was no threat. Howard said the fans will see the tape on Howard TV. Howard said Robin has to see the tape. He said it's almost as good as what just happened there.
Howard asked Jon Hein to give his Wrap Up Show rundown. Jon ran through his list of things they have to talk about today. He said it's too bad Benjy can't be on the show after that rant that he just did. They ended up talking about Joan crying during the interview today. Howard said they didn't even mention that today. He said he's not even sure what she was crying over. He said it was something about the days of the week they had her on over at FOX. She just can't talk about it.
JD came in with an explanation for Joan's crying but they still didn't understand it. JD tried to explain it to them and it was still kind of confusing so Fred was explaining it in his JD voice. Howard saw that JD had stains under his arms. He told him to find another deodorant. JD said he was sorry he even came in.
Howard played a clip of Joan in her documentary talking about this situation she was in. She mentioned it being on a Thursday and started to cry. That's what she was crying about this morning. Howard said Edgar would have been fine if she had fired him from her show. He said having him run the show wasn't a good idea anyway. Joan said that she decided to leave with her husband and she wasn't allowed to say anything on the last show she shot. She said that if she said anything about it being her last show, they would play something else that was pre-recorded. Joan said a few months later her husband died.
Howard said JD actually knew the answer to that crying thing but he wasn't able to get it out. That led to Fred doing his JD impression and trying to explain things. Howard wanted to ask JD to explain something. They suggested the oil spill. Howard told JD to come in and explain it.
JD came in and said he doesn't know all of the details. JD said something happened where there's a hole in a pipe or something, he doesn't know, and there's a whole bunch of oil coming out and spewing into the ocean or whatever and now they're dealing with that. That's pretty much what he said.
Howard asked JD what he watched on TV yesterday. JD said he didn't watch much yesterday. He said he watched Baggage on the Game Show network. Howard told him to explain the show. JD said it's a dating show and one contestant picks from 3 people and they share big secrets or whatever. Howard didn't understand what he was saying.
Howard said JD likes the movie ''Run, Lola Run'' so he told him to explain that. JD said it's a German movie. He said Lola is a girl and the boyfriend needs money so she has to help him out. JD started laughing. He said she tries to get money from her dad and that doesn't work. Howard wondered why the guy needs the money. JD said he lost it somehow, he doesn't remember. JD said they have to get the money in a certain time. Howard gave up. He stopped JD from trying to explain it. He wondered if that's what it's like being on a date with JD.
JD said he tried explaining ''LOST'' to Ashley Dupre and it sounded something like that. Howard said he has something really good coming up for JD. He said Robin will love it. It should be a great show. Howard said JD could never be a film maker because he can't pitch an idea.
Howard told JD to pitch his student film. JD said the basic idea was about a guy going out on a date with a girl who he has only talked to on the internet. JD said the girl shows up and she's gorgeous but the guy gets beat up and his credit card is declined and things like that. Howard cut him off again and said that was enough of that. He told him he has a big show coming up for him though.
Robin said that student film sounds like JD's life. That led to Fred doing more of his impression and explaining his life. Howard asked JD to come back and tell them the rest of the movie. Howard wanted to hear what the ending was.
JD came back and said that the girl is okay with everything even though the guy gets beat up. He said at the end they kiss in the car and a van pulls up and cameras come out from the TV show Cheaters and it turns out the girl is married to some old guy.
Howard said JD should have made it that the girl turns out to be a man like that movie the guy made where he scammed JD into thinking he was a chick. Howard said that would have been great. JD thanked him for letting him do that.
Howard asked Gary if he should tell JD about the thing they have coming up. Gary told him not to. Howard and Fred continued to goof on JD doing their impressions of him for a few minutes.
Jon Hein got back to his Wrap Up Show rundown and went through a few more things they were going to talk about.
Steve Brandano came in and said that they're going to be talking to the new interns and they have 4 girls this time.
Robin read some news about Charlie Sheen's plea deal where he was trying to be able to teach acting classes to people as part of his ''punishment.'' Howard said that's not much of a punishment for beating up your wife. Robin said that he was also going to be stopped from smoking outside of jail. That was a weird punishment as well. Robin said that Charlie actually turned down the plea deal because he didn't like the details. Howard said that's really nuts. He had to do a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about a 41 year old woman who has been charged with adultery after being caught having sex with a 29 year old man in a park. The husband has forgiven her and hopes they drop the charge. Howard said he doesn't think he could forgive his wife for doing something like that.
Robin read about a man who attacked his fiancee with a 35 pound dumbbell. Robin read that he cut her head and broke the facial bones of a man during the fight. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about an Amish man who was charged with molesting some kids. She said the guy assaulted girls from 5-15 years old over a couple of years. One of the girls was his cousin.
Will Murray came in and said that the Amish can use phones but not in their house. He said they have a phone at the end of their street that they can use so he and his friends used to go there and call 900 numbers on their phone.
Robin read a story about a Cambodian Jungle Woman that was found. Robin said that the woman lived in the jungle for 18 years. She came out 3 years ago but disappeared the other day while bathing at a well. Howard wondered what that woman looked like. He figures she looked like Helen Thomas. Robin said they found her in an outdoor toilet. She spent 10 days in there. They thought she had run off back to the jungle. Robin said that she just stayed down there the whole time and apparently liked being alone.
Howard took a call from Yucko the Clown who said they're making a Rush Limbaugh Biopic like Howard's movie. Howard said he can't wait to see the time when Rush takes his Viagra down to the Dominican Republic and when he took the Oxycontin too. Yucko said they'll have to make that one in Imax to fit his fat ass on the screen. He also said he saw Howard on TV last night. He joked that he saw him getting his pelican beak cleaned off down in the Gulf of Mexico. Howard said he knew he was walking right into that joke.
Robin read some news about the pictures of Gary Coleman in his last moments being sold to a tabloid magazine. Gary's wife sold them to the tabloid. Howard said that's sad. He said he will look at them though.
Robin read a story about a poll that was done asking people if they know any gay people. Robin said 6 out of 10 say they do.
Robin read that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have filed for legal separation. Howard said he was hoping that they'd stay together and have some idiotic children that they could use in another idiotic reality show. Howard said he like how Heidi looks even after the plastic surgery she did.
Robin read a story about this Joren Van Der Sloot and how quickly he snapped in the investigation this time. He was a suspect in another murder case but was never convicted. Howard said that there's a history for the guy that says it all started when he wasn't able to get to work on time and there was no punishment for him. Robin read that the Joren was upset with the girl meddling in his personal life so he had to kill her. He said she became aware of some videos and photos that made her aware of a murder in Aruba. Howard found it odd that he kept stuff about that murder in his computer. Robin said they do say that serial killers do keep trophies sometimes so maybe that's what was going on there. Howard said that his tip for the day is to not leave pictures of your previous date murder on your computer.
Robin read some news about the California senate primaries and how Carly Fiorina had won. She had some audio of her talking. Robin had some other primary results as well.
Robin read about Lady Gaga signing on to do the Lalapalooza concert this year. That led to Howard talking about how people are accusing Christina Aguilera of stealing Gaga's look. Howard said she was up there yesterday. Gary said he ran into Christina in the elevator. He said he was shocked at how tiny she is. Howard said there were a ton of Paparazzi outside of the building yesterday. Howard said he heard her new song and it's very annoying. He said everyone is trying to become like Lady Gaga now though. Howard asked Robin if she will ever wear a mask. Robin said she doesn't need anyone to point the way for her. Howard wanted to hear the ''Bionic'' song that Christina has out but Fred wasn't able to find it in their system.
Robin read a story about a study that was done that found that smoking marijuana doesn't affect driving that much. People are more easily distracted though. Howard said he believes that.
Robin read a story about Eminem's new album that's coming out soon. Robin said some of the songs are starting to leak out. She had Howard play a little bit of one of the new songs. Howard said it sounds like he's singing more than usual. He said it sounded pretty good to him. Howard said Kid Rock is singing more now too. Robin said he's always done that.
Robin read about Ricky Martin coming out against BP and the oil spill. She also had a story about Kevin Costner meeting with congress over the oil separating device his brother came up with. They're going to a hearing about that. Howard said that's what Grillo should be doing, helping to clean up the oil spill.
Robin read the story about Oprah's boyfriend Stedman coming out and saying that Oprah isn't appreciated in Chicago so that's why she's leaving. Howard said he thinks that she just wants to be in a sunny climate. Howard said that guy is off his rocker.
Robin read some news about the Arizona immigration laws that are chasing a lot of Hispanics out of the state. Robin said things are falling apart for Hispanics there in that state ever since the law was passed.
Howard finally got a hold of ''Bionic'' so he played some of that. JD had pulled it from some special that she was in. Howard said Christina wasn't even singing in the song. She was just rapping. Robin said she might be losing her identity now.
Robin read a story about Pete Rose having 30 bats made that were possibly corked. Robin said a man bought one of the bats and they found that it had unusual patterns on it and they found that it was corked after x-raying it. Robin said she's not sure what that means. Howard said it makes the ball go further.
Robin had some audio of Jaden Smith talking about being in the new Karate Kid movie. Howard said no one likes that this kid is successful. Howard said he hopes the movie is a flop but he's afraid that it's going to be good. Howard played some of the audio but kept cutting the clip off. He played a second one where Jaden talked about working with Jackie Chan. They had audio of him talking about winning an award for breakthrough performer of the year. Howard said that's really insulting when a 10 year old wins an award.
Robin had some audio of Liam Neeson talking about working in the A-Team movie. He said the TV show wasn't his cup of tea. He had no problem taking the movie role though.
Robin had some clips of Joan Rivers talking about her new movie. Howard said they heard everything they needed to hear earlier this morning.
Robin said that Adam Sandler has a new movie coming out. Howard said it looks like it might be good. Robin had some audio of Sandler talking about the movie he and Fred Wolf wrote together.
Robin said that Sarah Jessica Parker has a new TV show coming out. It's a reality show about artists. Howard said it sounds like American Idol for artists. Robin had some audio of Parker talking about how the idea for the show came about. She won't be appearing in the show. She's just a producer. Howard ended the show after that. It was about 11:10am.
Jon went over the other stuff he wanted to cover today and moved on to talk about Steve Grillo. Jon asked if anyone can keep Steve from following his thespian dream. Gary said no. He said Steve is a mover and a shaker and he has done some stuff in the business. He said he may not have ever gotten that taste of it if he wasn't with the show. Gary said Steve sees that as his life's calling now. He won't let it go.
Jon said that Howard tried to tell him that he should get a job and do that in his spare time. Grillo wants nothing to do with being an electrician. Gary said he knows guys who are self employed and they're working at places like Home Depot to support their family. He said Steve should be doing something like that. He probably thinks that he's admitting defeat if he takes a job like that. Gary said that Steve is already defeated because he hasn't been able to pay his rent.
Jon played a clip of Steve and Howard arguing about the show business career thing. Jon said that you don't want to rain on someone's parade but Howard tried to tell him in many ways that it's time to give it up. Gary said Grillo was an electrician's apprentice and he was making like 19 or 20 bucks an hour. He could have been making like 62 an hour if he had stuck with it. Gary said he was making a decent salary already and he was going to make more. Gary said Grillo says it was killing him to be doing that job. It was killing his acting spirit.
Jon asked what Grillo wanted to do on The Sopranos. Gary said that he probably nagged the shit out of them to get that job. He said he was a stand-in and he got on the show but he may have nagged them until they gave it to him.
Jon took a call from a guy who gave himself 5 years to make it in the business but he wasn't able to do it so he just got out. He said you can try to reason with people like Grillo but they will never give it up. They just can't accept defeat. He said he has to realize it's just not going to happen.
Gary said that Grillo could go get a real job and still do the acting thing. The caller said he thinks that all Grillo wants is acting jobs. He said he could get a good paying job and keep doing that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he worked with Steve and he was kind of lazy. He said he would just walk around doing nothing and he'd space out all the time. The guy said he loved Steve but he was always getting ragged on. The guy said they were just a short time from getting their card in the apprentice program. He was like 2 and a half years from getting that.
Gary asked the guy what he gets an hour. The caller said he makes $49 an hour now. Gary said that's a great job. Jon asked if Steve ever talked about wanting to be in show business. Jon asked if they asked Steve what he was doing when he quit. The caller said he told him not to leave and told him it was dumb. The guy said that one of his relatives got Steve into the union and he had it made.
Jon said Steve just isn't giving up that dream. He's building that acting resume and trying to make it in the business. Ronnie came in and said that Steve should realize that he's not going anywhere. He said he doesn't want to bad mouth the guy but he had 3 years in on that apprentice thing. He could be making $35 an hour easy. Ronnie said he knows he spoke to his son and he did offer him some side work and Steve turned it down. Then he claims that he doesn't remember that.
Gary said that some people think Grillo has a mental issue over this. Gary said that some people get consumed with things like that. He said that Stuttering John got like that with his band. He said that John was 35 years old and his band didn't make it so you wonder when you give it up. Jon said that Scott's son is still trying to make it. Gary said his son is working a regular job though. He does it in his spare time. He said he's not like Grillo because he's working a regular job. Ronnie said he thinks that his son would be like Grillo if Scott didn't straighten him out.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked when they think it would be appropriate to step in on Steve and get him to back off of Benjy. He said it felt like Benjy didn't want to answer the question and Steve wouldn't back off. He said it seems like a volatile situation. Gary said that Steve is a news guy so he pressed him on it. That's what he does.
The caller said it sounds like Benjy is emotional now but Gary and Jon said he doesn't appear to be emotional at all. That led to them talking about how Benjy for a short time.
The caller got to Steve Grillo and said that the acting work isn't in New York and he should be out in Los Angeles. Ronnie said he tried that. Gary said that every actor in New York has been on Law and Order but Steve missed out on that. The caller said you do what you have to do and he should give it up and see that it's not going to happen. Ronnie said Steve moved out to L.A. but he came back. He followed some girl out there.
The guys talked about the reality show that Grillo is working on. Gary said he'd rather see Jeff the Drunk living in a trailer before Steve. They talked about the production guys too and how they're trying to come up with something. Grillo is so attached to these guys and they may not be the savior Grillo thinks they are. They had to go to break after that.
After playing the clip Jon asked Gary about Joan breaking down there. Gary said she gets very emotional about the Carson stuff and about her show. Gary said he saw the movie and it's very emotional. He said that really hurt her when the show ended. That show ending led to Joan's husband committing suicide a few months later.
Jon asked JD about Robin being kind of hard on him today when he gave his explanation about Joan. JD said that it wasn't so bad.
Jon asked JD if he had the answer in his head and explained it to Howard the best he could. JD said he knew what the deal was but he didn't hear all of Joan earlier in the show. JD was wondering why everyone was laughing. Then he got distracted by a hot chick that walked by. JD said he knew the story about Joan and why she cried.
Jon said that JD wasn't able to get it out on the air with Howard though. JD said ''whatever...'' Jon left him hanging for a few seconds not saying anything.
Gary said Howard can be kind of intimidating when he's staring at you in the studio. JD said he's better at thinking something than saying it. He said it can take a little while to get out when he's trying to get it out.
Jon asked JD about the explanation of Run Lola Run and how he would get that out. JD said he was thinking about how he'd get it out without sounding like an asshole. He said he does a lot of thinking before he speaks.
Jon asked JD what he thinks Howard has planned for him. JD said he has no idea. He wasn't even able to guess at what it is. Gary said that it's not going to be that big of a deal but it should be fun.
Jon asked JD if he's still on his Xanax. JD said he hasn't taken it that much. He said he's still on the Zoloft. Jon asked if he's feeling okay lately. JD said he's fine. He said he's been okay.
Jon took a call from a guy who said the whole issue with Benjy sounds like they're trying to make content out of it. He said that Howard doesn't seem like he wants to fire him, he's just making content for the show.
The caller also asked if there is a SIRIUS application for Android. Jon said they just released one recently. Gary said that Howard goofing on Benjy isn't shtick. He said he may throw in a joke about it but it's not really a joking matter.
The guys talked about how Benjy is trying to accuse other people about being late. Gary said Benjy is late much more than he claims he is.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that JD talking makes him want to kill himself. He also said that Benjy should be out of there and he wants to fuck Gary's ass really hard and then hung up. Gary told Teddy to make sure he has that guy's number.
Ralph called in and said that this Grillo thing is about being famous. He said he doesn't care about acting, he just wants to be able to get into parties and stuff. He said it's just not going to happen for him though. He's not a struggling actor who is trying to make it. It's all about being famous.
Ralph said you can't just walk in front of a camera and become an actor. He said Grillo is delusional and he should just be an electrician. Gary said there are some people who become actors and don't take acting lessons. He mentioned Will Smith as one of those people. He said that maybe Grillo doesn't have that same thing that Will has. Ralph said Grillo is just a loser. He said he's a bummer too because he never has any money.
Jon asked Gary if he talked to Grillo about the benefit show and all of that. Gary said he did. He said he had a whole list of stuff he wanted to sell. He said he was pitching his friends for the show but he wanted to tell Steve that he barely got booked to do the show so he should stop. He said he feels that Steve might be whoring the show out. Ralph said he absolutely is.
Ralph asked if anyone got the email with the Grillo benefit flyer. They all got it. Jon said that Mike Gange even designed the flyer. Gary said that Gange is in a different place because he's working 60 hours a week and Steve isn't working. Gary said that not everyone gets to do what they want in life. Ralph said Robin might want to get behind this useless charity since she likes to get behind a lot of useless stuff. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how he took his girls to Nobu last night. He had two of his daughter's with him. He said that one of them isn't around so it was just the two. He said he's the one who always says the wrong thing when he's talking to them. He's the one who knows nothing and they know everything.
Howard said Benjy was there on time this morning. He heard he slept on the floor there. Howard said he doesn't know why his alarm clock doesn't work for him. Howard asked how he ended up sleeping on the floor. Benjy said he just came in early. He said the alarm clocks he has break so he's going to get some new ones. He said he's afraid of them not working so he's not going to risk it. He wasn't able to sleep so he just came in early.
Howard said this is an overreaction to being afraid of getting up late. Howard asked where he slept. Benjy said it was back there. Howard heard that Evan almost tripped over him. Howard said Evan walked in and almost stepped on him. He said that has to be startling to do that with Benjy on the floor.
Howard heard that Regis wants to come to his house to have dinner. He must be jealous that Kelly Ripa has been there. Howard said it's really not that great to hang out with him so he's not sure why anyone would want to.
Howard said Regis probably thinks he's a bigger celebrity than he is. He said he once helped Regis out of a theater one time like he was a big celebrity and Regis was impressed. Regis didn't know how to make that happen so he helped. He said he told Regis he just needs to talk to people to get that to work.
Howard played the audio of Regis and Kelly talking about hanging out with him. Kelly told Regis he should just show up at Howard's place. Regis said he'd like to be invited.
Howard said he was invited to Regis' home for a party but he's going to be away. He said Regis is trying. He said he's got a place up in Connecticut. He said that might be a weird party and he's not sure that he'd want to be there if Kathie Lee and Frank were there. He said he's pretty sure he's not liked in a lot of places. He said that he'd get beat up by Frank who is like 80 years old. That would make Beth fall out of love with him pretty quick.
Howard said his kids don't even watch TV. He had Emily check out a show that she had never even heard of and she was kind of liking it. He said they had TV in their rooms when they were growing up and now they don't care about it.
Howard said he was checking out Lady Gaga videos on his iPad yesterday. He said he was also checking out Christina Aguilera videos and she's acting a lot like Lady Gaga. He said she's implying lesbianism in the video and it's great. He said this is all going according to his plan. When he went on Letterman years ago he'd talk about how they had to have Lesbian stuff everywhere on TV and now his dream is coming true. Howard said this was his dream so many years ago. He likes that Christina doing what she's doing and the video is sexy. He said the black paint is like jizzum and it shows up great on that white skin of her's. Howard said it would be great if black guys shot out black jizz.
Howard said Miley Cyrus even had a lesbian kiss at a concert recently. Anna Paquin came out as bi-sexual and he loves that too. He said he's rubbing his dick thinking about all of that. Howard said he had a dream and it's coming true.
Howard said Beth's show ''True Beauty'' is on TV now and he was going to jerk off to her and Vanessa Manillo on the show. He said Beth wasn't around and the two of them are so hot he was going to beat it. Robin said she saw Beth in an ad in her cab. Howard said that's for Bing the search engine. Howard said it only airs in cabs.
Howard said Beth is busy helping the cat they adopted. He said the cat is getting more attention than him. He said he may have to get into a cab to watch his wife. Robin said the commercial runs for maybe 30 seconds or a minute. Howard said she donated all of the money to North Shore Animal League. He said she got a decent amount of change for that thing too. He said he asked her to keep some money once in a while.
Howard said this cat they adopted is licking off all of her fur. He said that Beth is out trying to find out how to solve the problem because the cortisone that they're giving it is going to make her even sicker. Howard said Beth is reading a book about cats so she's reading that and trying to figure out how to help. Howard said he's just wondering when he's going to get laid.
Robin said they all know how much Howard loves the cat after Beth told the story about him talking to the cat. Howard said they embellished that story a bit. He said that didn't go down. Howard said they did that for show business. Robin said he talks to the cat. Howard said he actually does make an effort to talk to the pets. He said Beth does that all the time and she says that's what you're supposed to do. He said he has no desire to do that but once in a while he will. He said he thinks it helps form a bond.
Howard said Beth's family had a Burmese Mountain Dog and it was the friendliest pet. He said that the dog loved everyone in Beth's family so he went to visit them one time. He said when he got there the dog barked at him as soon as he saw him. He said the dog barks at no one. He said the dog wouldn't stop barking at him. It never barks.
Howard said here was already controversy in the family and this dog wasn't helping. He said the dog was like a Jew hunter. Haley the Jew Hunter. Howard said the mother tried to tell him it was because he was tall and had long hair so that's why it barked. Howard said Beth's brothers are both tall though so he knows it wasn't that.
Howard said Beth's whole family are good looking and they have great jobs and all of that. He said that her aunts are good looking, her sister-in-law is good looking and then he shows up and the dog starts barking. Howard said the dog knew something was off. He didn't know what to do. He said he's always the outsider.
Howard said it's like Beth is charmed because the pets love her. He said they all follow her around and love her. Howard said the dog does hang with him but he's number 2. Howard said she's not as happy with him as she is with Beth.
Howard said he goes to therapy and talks about that. He said he's so damaged and meanwhile Beth is the one who gets all of the attention from the pets. Fred played some barking sounds for him. Howard said it's like all of the animals are singing when Beth is around. Howard pretended he was Beth with Fred playing some Disney-like music in the background. Howard said he can imagine a big thunderbolt of lightning striking when he shows up.
Howard said Lady Gaga's sister loved it from what he read. He said Lady Gaga was berating the school because people treated her like shit when she was there. Howard said that's what her song Alejandro is about apparently.
Howard said Christina Aguilera is desperate in her video. He said she's cute too so she doesn't have to cover up her face like Lady Gaga does.
Howard said he was watching America's Got Talent and saw Howie Mandel running through the audience and keeping his hands to himself so he doesn't touch anyone. He said he's a great judge on the show though. Howard said America's got Germs too apparently.
Robin said Lady Gaga looks like Madonna to her. Howard said he's not sure what's going on with that face. it's covered up most of the time. He said she obviously doesn't like her face. He said she doesn't want to be looked at.
Howard said everyone is turning lesbian. He said even Sandra Bullock is making out with Scarlett Johansson. Howard said that he's always said that lesbians equal ratings. He said he's been saying that for years.
Howard said he never thought he'd be able to sit that close in a game so he behaves. He said there are a lot of celebrities who stand up and yell. He said Spike Lee is like that. He said he's not a basketball player and he's just one of the dweebs like he is. Howard said they get those seats because they're celebrities. Howard said that the players look at you like a douche when you do stuff like that.
Howard said if Spike Lee was in a dorm with those players they'd give him a wedgie so hard that his balls would be in his throat. Howard said he has a lot of jock friends now and they look at him like a douche.
Gary had a twitter post by David Spade who was explaining about what went on with Rock at the game. Howard read that and said that he's had the privilege of sitting next to Chris and he does a monologue during the game but he's doing it to himself. Howard said he would guess it's just a misunderstanding.
Howard said there is a line that you shouldn't cross at these games. Howard said that some people never figure it out. Howard said he goes out to dinner with his kids and he gets a lot of attention. He has to tell himself that he's a dad and he has to tell himself that it's not about him that night. He said he can't fall into the trap of wanting more attention and putting on a bee keeper's outfit and all of that. He has to keep that stuff in check. Howard said he's the same asshole who went on MTV in a Fartman outfit so he does need a lot of attention.
Howard said he's seen guys who go to games with their kids and they yell and scream while they drink and the kids look like they want to die. He said the parents are making it about themselves and not thinking about the kids. Howard said you have to keep that in check.
Howard ended up talking to Benjy about the sites he's plugged before like DialADancer.com and his current one BangBangShow.com. Howard asked Benjy about the dancer thing. Benjy said that you could book him for parties with dancers. Benjy said he lost his plug one time so he got out of that. Howard said he had to cut back on some of the plugs. Benjy asked if he can have the plug at the end of the show. Howard said no. He said he loves Benjy but he's got to teach him a lesson.
Gary said he doesn't make any money with that site. Gary said that plug is like a credit for him. Howard said he's doing this so he doesn't have to fire this guy. He hates it though. He said it's causing him pain. Howard said he really was going to fire Benjy. Benjy said if you look at the record you'll see that he was on time. Howard told him to stop. He doesn't want to get into this. He said that Benjy should have gone out and gotten a new clock yesterday. Benjy said it's hard to find clocks without plugs. Gary said he has a clock that sets it's own time. Benjy said he will find clocks but he was up late last night so he just came in early.
Howard said it's fine with him if he comes in early. He said it was very distracting to him when Benjy would show up as the show was starting. He said he'd have something to talk about and when Benjy shows up late it would throw him off.
Howard said Benjy gets no plugs for 3 months. He said he wishes that Robin was in charge. Robin said that she has to let other people manage it and let Benjy count his own days. Howard said they should let Robin handle all of this. Robin said no to that. She said there were times when she was coming in late a lot. She said she put herself on lock down. Robin said she grounded herself.
Benjy said the thing about his plug is that he said he was taking him off the Wrap Up Show but he didn't say anything about the plug on this show. Howard said he didn't know he had a plug on this show but he's happy to take it away from him. Howard told Benjy to stop it. He said he's on the verge of being fired and all he's worried about is his plug.
Howard said he wants Benjy to be upset about it. Benjy said he is. Fred said that this is like a criminal telling the judge he doesn't like the verdict. Howard said he's trying to find the things Benjy doesn't like and rack up the punishment. Howard said it's actually Fred's fault. He's glad the plug is off the show now. Fred was the one who asked about it.
Benjy said he hates being late and he's embarrassed by it. Howard doesn't believe that. Howard said if he was really embarrassed he'd never be late. He said he could put a stop to it like he did with the herpes mentions on the show. Benjy was able to stop that from happening.
Benjy keeps insisting that he hasn't been late that often. Howard asked how they're supposed to look that up. Benjy said that they do check in electronically there so they could look that up. Gary said they can't be wasting man hours on that.
Ronnie came in and told Howard that they do open the door with the pass key. Ronnie said if Benjy shows up at 5:58 then he's late. Ronnie said that Benjy is late every day as far as he's concerned. He said that's the bottom line. Howard said that's why he was going to fire him. Ronnie said he talked to Benjy off air and told him that. He said Benjy didn't think he was. Howard said Benjy has been on time the past two days and he's fine with that.
Howard said he'll go back and check that thing to see how late he's been. Fred said he doesn't know why there's an argument about it. Howard said Benjy knows what he's talking about.
Benjy thought he heard yelling in the background but Howard said that was just the voices in his head. Howard said Benjy just doesn't get it. He said he's taking up a lot of his time and he has a lot of stuff to get to. Robin said they need to listen to the clips of Will Smith and his wife on Oprah. Howard said he has a lot of ''Get the poison out'' clips and a lot of other clips that he wants to play too. Howard said he has to take a break first.
Howard said they're saying that Shawn King tried to kill herself. Howard said you can't blame her, she was married to Larry King. He said that anyone who marries Larry King would do that. Howard said he understands that. Howard said any woman would understand. He said Robin would probably rather fuck a dog first. Robin said she probably would. Howard asked if she'd do Benjy over Larry. Robin said she definitely would. She said he beats the dog too. Howard asked if it would be Larry or Scott the Engineer. Robin picked Scott. Howard tried to think of someone that repulses her. He asked about Hitler. Robin said she would have to be with Larry over Hitler. Robin said she'd pick Hitler over Larry for looks though. They went to break a short time later.
After the break we heard a prank call Sal made to Nicole Bass where he had phone sex with her. Fred also played Prince's ''When Doves Cry'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said that they put the call out a few months ago to find the next Wack Packer. He said that Fubar.com is sponsoring the contest and putting up the $5,000 grand prize. Howard said that Big Foot was the last winner in the contest. Howard said it's a pretty elite group they have in the Wack Pack.
Howard said that Eric the Midget is in the Wack Pack even though he doesn't want to be in it. Howard said there are a couple of dead giveaways to be in the Wack Pack. Living with your mom, being on SSI and things like that are just a couple. Howard said this is going to be exciting.
Howard said Big Foot has been having a lot of problems lately. He was wearing pink pants and a leather jacket. Howard asked if they were pajamas. Big Foot said it's a suit and not ''ajamas.'' Big Foot said that Howard looks like he cut his hair. Howard said he hasn't but Big Foot looks like he's got longer hair. Big Foot said he does. His beard is longer too. Big Foot said he's very happy to be there to see Howard. Howard said he looks like Brat Pitt. Howard asked where he got money for a suit. Big Foot said that girl Shannon bought it for him. He said that's the girl that came with him last time he was there. Howard pretended he knew who he was talking about but he didn't.
Big Foot said the suit was like 50 bucks. Gary said it looks like it came from a thrift shop. Big Foot said it came from a suit shop and they had it tailored. Howard said he should have gotten a black suit. He said everyone is going to remember this one. It's a peach or salmon colored suit. Gary said he has a shirt, a vest and another shirt. Then he said that the outside thing is actually the jacket. He said he has a vest and then a shirt under that. Big Foot said he has the jacket on top just in case it rains. He didn't want to mess it up.
Howard said they found Big Foot in a contest just like this and that was like 3 years ago or so. Big Foot won some money and he was immediately welcomed into the Wack Pack Family. Howard asked what he's going to look for in a Wack Packer. Big Foot said he'll look at how funny they are. Big Foot asked if they're going to replace him. Howard said they're not. They're just looking for some new people to add to the Wack Pack.
Howard said Big Foot got a seat belt ticket when he came to the city. Big Foot said he wasn't wearing it properly. He didn't think they'd be bothered by it. He said the other guy in the car got one too. He said he got one and he was even wearing it. He wasn't even driving the car. Howard wondered how he draws such trouble. Howard asked if they were pulled over. Big Foot said the car was an older car. Robin asked if the car is one color. He said it is. Big Foot said he had to put the seat in the ''declining motion'' to put the seat all the way back.
Big Foot told Howard he got maced in the eye for not giving some teenager a cigarette. He said he doesn't know why this happens to him. He said he gets treated poorly all the time and everyone knows him wherever he goes. He said he can go to New York or Maine and everyone knows him.
Howard said Big Foot did that great phone call with Little Lupe. He said that Big Foot was great in that call. He said it was very sexy. Big Foot said he was just acting in that clip. He said he has had phone sex before so he knows how to do it. Big Foot said he's had more girls than he can count on both hands. Howard played the phone sex call with Big Foot and Little Lupe.
After playing the call Howard said he likes how Big Foot talks to these girls. Gary asked if he's ever shit on anyone. Big Foot said he hasn't. He said he was just saying stuff to make her happy.
Howard asked if it's true that they're trying to get Big Foot into an institution to get him put away. Big Foot said that is true. He said they're trying to get him to take medication or something. Howard said he didn't understand what he was saying. He asked if he's homeless. Big Foot said he isn't. He said someone in the state is trying to get him hospitalized. He said they're trying to get him put away for his gas problems. He farts and burps a lot and they're trying to get him put away for that. Howard asked it's a mental institution that they're trying to put him in. Big Foot said he's not safe there and that is where they want to put him. He said he's been assaulted for mentioning Howard's name before. Howard asked if he has a medical problem then why a mental institution. Big Foot said they want to control his money. He said it's the mental health people up where he lives that want to control him. He said they want to control his money.
Howard said Big Foot is also selling cigarettes on the side. Big Foot said he sells them for either 35 cents or 50 cents depending on the person he's selling to. He said it depends on how much he hates them. He said he'll charge 50 cents or a dollar for two. Howard heard he was selling them for 6 cents. That wouldn't make financial sense.
Howard asked Big Foot if he feels bad selling them since they can make people sick. Big Foot said he's not worried about it. He said he smokes like half a pack a day. Howard said he heard a pack is like 10 bucks. Big Foot said they're 12 bucks there in the city.
Howard heard that Big Foot is making a movie. Big Foot said he had the guy making the movie but he can't remember his name. He said they're making a documentary. Big Foot saying ''it is'' after most of everything he said. Howard said he's sorry to hear about his neighbors harassing him and the kid macing him in the face. Big Foot said the kid maced him as soon as he opened his door. He said he could hurt these people but he doesn't even know his own strength. Big Foot said he counts to 10 to calm himself down. Howard asked how long it takes to count to 10. Big Foot said it takes a while but he tries to bare with it.
Howard said it's great that he can restrain himself like that. Big Foot said the cops probably throw his police reports right in the garbage. He said they didn't do anything about the kid who maced him. Big Foot said he feels like a prisoner in his own house now. Howard asked how old this kid was that maced him. Big Foot said he was like 16. He said he feels like he's in prison. Howard asked if he's doing anything to provoke anyone. Big Foot said he farts, coughs and sneezes but that's about it. Howard asked if the kid is there all the time. Big Foot said the kid is always around and it's like he's stalking him. He has his own little gang that follows him around.
Big Foot said he went out to get the mail one day and he went back and fond that someone had broken in and stole some stuff form his apartment. Howard said they won't be macing him there today. He said he's a hero there. Robin said no one picks on him there. Big Foot said that they all treat him very nice there.
Howard said this was fascinating. He said he had the State of Vermont on the phone to talk to Big Foot. Howard put the guys on and they played clips of Gary yelling at someone and calling them names. Big Foot didn't have much to say to the clips. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
After the break we heard some prank calls Sal and Richard made to the Jonah Falcon show ''Talkin' Yankees.'' Fred also played David Bowie's ''Ziggy Stardust'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back in the middle of a conversation with Big Foot. Howard said Big Foot asked if he was going to another ''ofession'' that he'd take over for him. Howard said he's going to be a doctor next.
Howard asked Big Foot if he's into Bowie at all. Big Foot said the song sounded good to him. Howard said Ziggy is from Mars just like Big Foot is from Mars. Howard let the song play a little bit and sang along to the song a little bit.
Howard moved on to the America's Next Top Wack Packer contest. He said that the people at Fubar.com are sponsoring the contest. He said that everyone would be judging other than Benjy. First up was Hillbilly Jack from Pennsylvania. Jack came in talking kind of funny. Howard told him he won as soon as he heard his voice. Jack told Howard he's living with his mom and he's 50 years old. Robin asked if he's been married. He said he was. Jack said his teeth are in a jar at home. Howard asked if he has people treating him like crap. Jack said they leave him alone and treat him fine. He has a job in construction. He builds houses. Howard asked if he's ever been told he looks like Granny from the Beverly Hillbillies. He said he has been told that and his mom looks like her too.
Howard asked Big Foot what he thought about this. Big Foot said he wasn't sure yet. The two of them were goofing on each other. Jack was saying that he doesn't like the microphone on his face. He had a funny, infectious laugh that everyone seemed to like. Howard said he has a great personality too. He must be the life of the party.
Howard found out that Jack went to college and went to Pitt. Howard asked if he graduated. Jack said he did. Howard asked what happened to him that made him like this. He ]must have had a mental breakdown or something. Jack said he was good in school. He said he did botany in college. Howard asked what went wrong. Jack said he doesn't make shit working. Howard asked if he drank a lot. Jack said he did... and laughed. He laughed after everything he said. Jack said he smokes pot and grows some himself too. He said he has weed on him now. He laughed and laughed like De Niro in Cape Fear.
Howard asked Jack about his weed smoking and found out his mom smokes it too. Big Foot asked what he's going to do when his mother dies and he's on his own. Jack said the house he has is his own. He'll be fine. Howard asked if he'll be able to cook and clean and all of that. Jack said he can do all of that.
Jack said he has one kid and his wife died. He said that the kid grew up and he has his own kid. He said he gets to see the grand kid once in a while. Howard asked if the wife committed suicide. Jack said she had a heart valve that wouldn't shut so she died.
Gary asked if Jack dates now. Howard asked if he gets pussy. He got it the night before last... and laughed. Howard asked if it was his mom. Jack said it wasn't.
Howard said Jack seems like an excellent candidate for this contest. Howard asked Big Foot what he thought. Big Foot thought he wasn't funny looking enough. He said he was too normal. Howard and even Jack laughed at that. Howard asked Jack about where he got pussy the other night. Jack said it was at the bar he goes to.
Howard asked the guys if they liked Jack. Everyone seemed to like him. Ronnie said he liked him from the moment he walked in the door. He said he wanted to come in there and drink a quart of motor oil. Jack said he's done it before and he's been fine. He said he had farts for a few days after though.
Howard moved on to contestant number 2 which was Freddie. Howard said he loves to sing karaoke and loves life. He said he's a mascot for a band too. Howard asked about being a mascot. He said he's actually a singer and he makes money doing that. Howard asked him to sing something for them. Freddie sang a little bit for them. He also told Howard about getting hit by a car a few years ago and how he had dreamt about it before it happened. He said that he's married to a woman who is a couple hundred pounds.
Big Foot let out a hiccup during that discussion. Howard read that Freddie smokes weed. He stopped drinking when he had prostate cancer. Freddie said that he had his surgery a year ago today. He said he's 53 and he does have issues getting it up after the prostate operation. He said he can fuck his wife once in a while. Jack was laughing while Freddie was talking about that stuff.
Howard read that Freddie has shit his pants. Freddie said that happened once when he tried to hold it one time. Howard asked if Jack does that. Jack said he's never even pissed himself. He said he has hillbilly balls so he can hold it in. Howard said Big Foot must have shit his pants. Big Foot said he has.
Howard asked Freddie and Jack if they think they're going to win. Freddie said yes and Jack laughed and said he doesn't give a shit.
Howard said that the next guy was Greg. He's been hit by a car and he has a lot of issues. Howard said this guy should be in the Wack Pack. Even Big Foot said ''now here we go...'' Howard talked to Greg about where he's from and he speaks very slowly and with an effeminate voice. Howard said Greg had a baby while he was in his coma. Hillbilly Jack was laughing and asking how they drink this shit they have in there. He was talking about bottled water.
Big Foot was liking this guy Greg. He said he likes that he talks slow. Howard asked Greg about how he knocked up this girl while he was in a coma. He did it before he was in the coma. Greg was in a coma for four months. He said that he didn't remember anything for four months before the accident either.
Howard asked Greg if his penis functions. He said yes. Hillbilly Jack was laughing his ass off in the background. He was joking about how this guy should beat off. Jack claims that he doesn't do that himself.
Howard asked Greg if his arms work and if he can beat off. He said they do work. Greg said he goes around grabbing boobs and he has gotten into some trouble for that. Greg was kind of hard to understand if he said more than one word at a time. Howard asked Greg about how he smokes weed because he thinks he can walk when he smokes.
Greg started to yell something out but it wasn't clear what it was. No one knew. Greg had lifted his shirt and spelled out Mickey Mouse. He had a big tattoo on him. Howard asked Greg if he has a job in radio because he has a deep voice. Greg said no.
Howard asked Greg if he ever gets a prostitute. Greg said he has had prostitutes but also had about 30 women. Big Foot said he's had more than that.
Howard asked Greg how old he was when he had his accident. He said he was 20. Howard asked what he does to pass time. He said he plays chess. Howard said he plays chess too. Greg challenged him to play. He said he'd like to play him right now. Howard said that would be interesting. Howard asked Greg what his rating was and he just moaned like Lurch from the Addams Family. Big Foot was saying this guy was better than the other two.
Next up was Robert, a cross dressing bi-sexual. Howard said hi to Robert and said he looked like a man's man. Howard said it seems foreign to him that he'd be a bi-sexual. Howard asked Robert how he explains that. Robert said his mom always wanted a girl and he dressed up in girl's clothes for her. Robert said he likes to have sex with women but he likes to dress as a woman. He also wants a sex change operation. Robert said his mom wanted him to be a girl and he'd like to follow her wishes. Howard said he'd rebel a little bit if that was what his mom wanted.
Howard asked Robert what he does to girls. He said he has had all the sex he's wanted with them. He said he likes to lick them and things like that. Howard said he'd like to understand this better. Robert said that he's on SSA and SSI both. He said that he's not sure how they figure it out but he was born with brain damage so they think of him as retarded. He said he has an IQ under 80. Howard said he seems very functional though.
Howard asked Robert about having sex with women. Robert said he has never had sex with any woman. He's been with women but he doesn't have intercourse with them. Robert said both of his parents are dead. He said he got thrown out of his mother's house when he was younger. Robin asked why. Robert said that his sister was supposed to come in and help but she tried to take all of his money away from him. He said she sent him away to his father's house and she threw all of his stuff out and it's been in storage since 2001.
Howard asked if he shaves his legs. Robert said he does. He also shaves his arms. When he's with women he's pretending to be a lesbian. Howard said it sounds like his mother rejected him but he's trying to fulfill her wish that he was a girl. He said that's what he's doing.
Gary asked what kind of sex he has. Robert said he has never had intercourse with a woman but he does jack off. He said he just gets urges to cum. He said he might be a little confused sexually. Howard asked if he kisses the women. He said that he will do that. He will also feel their boobs if they want him to.
Howard noticed that Greg was putting his foot over his head. Greg said, very slowly, that he was trying to show that he's crazy.
Some of the guys weren't sure how retarded Robert was. Howard asked what 8+7 was. Robert said he didn't know. Big Foot didn't know and Jack didn't know. Freddie said he knew and so did Greg. They asked Robert if he thinks he's a virgin. He said he isn't because he has jerked off. He has had sex with a blow up doll too. He said that his father had two that he had ordered through the mail. He said that's what his father would lay next to in bed pretending it was his wife. Howard asked Robert if he named his doll. Robert said he didn't. He asked if he created a voice for her. Robert said it was just a doll but she blew up in his bed. He only got to have sex with her once. He said he blew her up with the pump too much and she exploded.
Howard asked where Robert lives. He lives in Missouri with his younger brother. He said he can't jerk off around his brother. He said he can't do nothin' there at the house.
Howard wrapped up with Robert and told the guys that this was for $5,000. Robert said he could get cut off from SSI if he wins. Howard said maybe they shouldn't vote for him then. Robert said they can do whatever they want but he doesn't need his money being cut off. Robert said his brother's friends are the ones who put him up to this. He said he really doesn't want to win.
Howard asked Robert about the other blow up doll and why he didn't use that one. Robert said he blew both of them up. Howard asked Greg if he's ever tried a doll like that. Greg said no.
Howard said he had no idea what was going on in there. He said Greg was wrestling the microphone. Big Foot was getting a few laughs out of that. Then Greg was doing something that was confusing them. Greg wanted to challenge Howard to do something. Howard told him to be careful and not hurt himself. Howard told Greg to get in his chair. Howard said he didn't want to shit if that's what he was doing. Howard said everyone will be able to see this on Howard TV.
Howard said it was time to decide on a winner. He said this was a bigger disaster than the oil spill. Howard said he'd have to kill himself if he was ever caught in Creedmore.
Howard said they have Hillbilly Jack as contestant 1. They have Freddie as number 2. Freddie said he wants to put the money in the bank. Greg is number 3 and he's not sure who will win but he never wins anything. Big Foot was laughing at him. Robert was number 4 and he's the cross dresser. Robin asked if he has lost some teeth. He said he has lost his ''milk teeth'' which are teeth that are soft and break very easily.
Howard asked Big Foot who he's voting for. Big Foot said he's voting for Greg. Greg thanked him for that vote. Howard asked Robin who she was going to vote for. Robins said she thinks that Jack is hysterical and Greg sounds very funny. Howard said some people are saying they should call Greg ''Graveyard Greg.'' Robin ended up picking Robert even though he didn't want any votes.
Howard asked Robert if he's ever killed anyone. Robert said he has not. Howard asked Greg if he has ever killed anyone. Greg said only the guy who ran into him in the accident. Greg said he doesn't remember if he was drunk at the time. Big Foot was actually doing an impression of Greg at that point.
Gary said that he's torn between Jack and Greg. He said Jack makes him laugh so he's giving it to him. Howard asked Fred what his vote was. Fred said he's ruling out Robert. He said Freddie is too normal for this bunch. Howard said that the wackiest people are the ones who say they don't want to win. Fred said he likes Jack and Greg. He said that he can see Jack hanging out with the guys from Jackass before being a Wack Packer. Fred said he thinks that Greg is the winner there. Fred imagined Greg doing the weather for them every day. He said he can imagine him giving the forecast as being ''Cloudy'' in a really slow voice.
Howard asked Ronnie who he's going to vote for. He picked Greg. Howard said he had 3 votes so far. Howard asked if he could believe it. Greg said a really slow ''nooo.'' Howard said he has to cast his vote and he thinks that this person is fascinating. He said he's giving his vote to Jack. Howard said Jack has the laugh and he's a mess. Howard said he graduated college and can't even add 8+7. Howard asked him what 7x6 is. Jack said 13 and laughed.
Howard said Greg is still in the lead but they have more votes. He said they have to ask Will Murray who he thinks should be in there. Will picked Hillbilly Jack. Howard said Jack didn't care but all of a sudden he's happy. Jack just laughed and mumbled something.
Jason Kaplan was the final vote. He said he booked everyone to come in so it felt odd to be the final vote. Howard asked Jason who he's voting for. Jason said he has to give it to Jack because of the laugh. Howard said that Jack had just won and Jack said he was going to beat off. Big Foot said he thought Greg was funny. Howard said he loves Greg. Gary said they can still use him on the show. Howard said he's pretty sure he was after the money. Greg said he wanted the money for a butt tuck so he can walk freely. Howard said he has no idea what he's talking about. Jack said he's high class there. Howard said that Greg is going to get $711 for coming in second. That's from 7-Eleven. Howard gave them a plug.
Howard said that Jack won $5,000 from Fubar.com. He had someone from Fubar come in to present the check to Jack. Robins said he looks like Charles Manson. Gary said he sounds like him too. Howard said this was Mike from Fubar.com. Mike congratulated him and gave him the check. He said he hopes he uses the money wisely. Jack just laughed.
Howard gave Freddie some plugs for his band Freddie and the Funk And. He also gave Big Foot a plug for a web site called ParkerPie.com. Jack also said he has a web site at HillbillyJack.com. It turns out he has an agent too. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
During the commercial break Howard announced that Fubar.com was going to give another prize for the second place contestant. Howard said they're going to give Greg $2,500. Greg was back in studio so he said that sounds nice. He said that the butt tuck is like 5 or 6 grand but that was a start. Greg thanked them for that and said it did make him happy. Howard said he can't imagine a butt tuck getting him out of that chair. Greg started to stand up but Howard said that he should sit down. Greg was just showing that he can stand up. He just needs some skin removed. He apologized for upsetting them. Howard said he didn't and said it was great meeting him.
Howard came back and said that the word ''cunt'' just got on the Today Show twice. Howard said this was very big news. Howard said they were interviewing some little girl about something and she said ''cunt'' twice. Howard had the audio so he played that. In the clip they were talking to a little girl about some text messages she got and she said this guy had called this other girl a ''cunt'' and she said it twice. They asked her to watch her language because they were on TV.
Howard said the Iron Sheik has dropped by today. Howard said he has a lot of stuff going on. He said he's worried about him. He said he needs an operation and he has a foot problem. Howard said the guy was a legend when he was a wrestler.
Iron Sheik came in and Howard said he looks good. He said he had his medal on and his full head dress. Howard said he heard he got thrown off a plane too. Sheik said he didn't get thrown off. Howard read it was back in March of this year. He read that he got escorted off the plane but not arrested. Howard said he has to be careful on a plane because they might think he's a terrorist. Sheik said they refused to serve him a second drink after one. He said it was a four hour flight.
Howard asked why they didn't serve him the second drink. Sheik said that the guy was gay and he thinks he was afraid of him. Howard said it's odd how Sheik says he wants to fuck people in the ass when he gets angry but he's very anti-gay. Sheik said that's just talk. He's never done anything like that. Howard said he understands now.
Howard asked Sheik about his health. Sheik has problems with his body after wrestling. Sheik said his knee bothers him and he has back problems too. He said he has ankle and knee damage from wrestling. Howard asked if he had a prostate problem too. Sheik said that wasn't true. He said that was incorrect. Howard said he thought he almost died in surgery too. Sheik said that wasn't true either.
Will said that Sheik's manager, Eric, will tell him what's going on. Eric came in and said that Sheik was in the hospital for a few days and he had an operation for his ''problem'' but Sheik said that's not true. Eric said his daughter told him about what he was doing in there. Sheik said that wasn't true. Howard wondered why he would lie about that. Eric said he might be forgetful.
Howard asked Sheik if he has any trouble getting it up. Sheik said he has no problem. Howard said that the manager and Sheik always argue. Howard said he could get Sheik worked up if he played the audio of Hulk Hogan from the last time he was on. Sheik said he could play it if he wanted to.
Howard played the clip where a caller asked about Sheik's penis size. Hulk said that it's the smallest in the WWE. Sheik said that Hulk never saw it so he wouldn't know. Sheik was staying very calm today and not freaking out. Robin said they may have cut out his anger when they operated on his prostate. Howard said he likes the new sheik who is staying calm. Eric said they're working on it and keeping the riff-raff away from him now.
Howard said the Sheik is going to be at the Philly convention center this week and he's also going to be at a wrestling event in Sterling, New Jersey and a show in Queens, New York too.
Howard asked Sheik if he's back with his wife now. Sheik said that is true. Howard asked if it's this new Sheik that's calm that got him back with his wife. Sheik said that is part of it. Howard asked if he's in medication. Sheik said that he is. Howard said that it's amazing stuff. He asked what it is. Sheik said the medication is for his pain. He has to go in for an operation soon. Howard said he appears to be in a lot of pain. Sheik said he is. He didn't know it was going to turn out this way. He said the world has forgotten about him. Howard said he sees that pain. He's seeing the pain and the medication. Sheik said he's looped right now.
Eric said Sheik didn't even have one beer last night. He said he didn't ask for one beer last night. Not one. Eric said they're also doing a documentary about his life and the film crew has been going all over the country following him around.
Howard asked Sheik what medication he is on. Sheik said it's a pain medication. He didn't seem to know what it was. Howard said he might get addicted to the medication. It must be like pure opium. Howard said it's wild stuff. Sheik said his wife is giving it to him so he's not sure what it is. Howard said that he has to look into this. He said he doesn't know who is sitting on his couch. Sheik said he's different and not the same Sheik. Howard said the old Sheik used to be out of his mind.
Howard asked Sheik if he's living in the house now. Sheik said he is but they took some stuff out of the house without his permission. His daughter did that. He said they put it in his wife's house but now he doesn't have a choice. He said that he's living in the living room and he has his stuff in the garage. Howard asked what the hell is going on there.
Howard asked why Sheik's daughter moved his stuff. Eric wasn't sure. Sheik said he's not sure either. Eric said he's glad he has a roof over his head and someone to cook for him.
Howard asked Sheik if his ex-wife gives him sex. Sheik said that she will allow it sometimes but he didn't want to talk about it too much. Howard said he doesn't know what's going on with them. Eric said that hey live in the same house and they are on speaking terms.
Howard said the Sheik is a legend and everyone went wild for him. Howard said he sat in an arena and saw thousands yelling out his name. Howard said he shouldn't be this doped up that he's not yelling today. Sheik was really mellow and not saying all that much. Howard said he might have to fuck people in the ass for the Sheik. He said he isn't into that stuff but he might have to help him out.
Howard asked Sheik about the pills he's taking and if they're his or his wife's. Sheik said they're his. Howard said he felt more comfortable knowing that.
Howard told Sheik he loves him but he's not sure if that means anything to him. He said that Sheik is a great man and he's encouraging his fans to go see him tomorrow night. Howard said someone got a hold of him and turned him into a Stepford Sheik. Sheik said they have shirts and ''Fuck the Bubba'' shirt. Sheik said he didn't want to talk bad about him anymore. He said he's done with that. He said he likes Bubba, Hulk Hogan and all of those people. Sheik said he's done with that. Howard told Sheik to let him know what he's on because this stuff is amazing. Sheik said he's taking all of these people and making them good people. Howard said this drug is amazing. He said Sheik is a new man.
Howard asked Sheik if he likes the Shiites now. Sheik said he loves everyone. He loves the Jews too. Howard told him to let him know what shit he's on because they're going to make a fortune.
Howard asked Eric if he's getting married and not inviting sheik to the wedding. Eric said his fiancee won't let him come. He said they had a run in a few years ago and it wasn't pretty. Eric said that his wife and Sheik are equally important to him but he has to keep peace in the house. Eric said that his wife is scarred forever after that fight.
Howard said he had to take some calls. He said that someone will probably piss him off. One caller said he's a legend and he asked who had the biggest dick in the WWE. Sheik woke up all of a sudden and started cursing the guy out saying ''fuck him and fuck the faggot'' and stuff like that. Howard had Randy Savage on the phone. It was another caller just doing an impression and trying to get him worked up. Sheik tried to get worked up but Howard could tell he wasn't into it.
Howard started to wrap up and gave Sheik some more plugs for his appearances. Howard said he's at the Wizard World convention down in Philly and at those other events he mentioned earlier. Howard asked if he's allowed into the bedroom at his wife's house. Sheik said he can go around the house. Sheik said he's not in the mood to talk about that though.
Howard said that Sheik used to be in charge but now his wife is. He said Sheik is a great man and a great entertainer. He wished him luck with his operation. Sheik thanked him for that. Eric said they have an Iron Sheik app on the iPhone too. Sheik said they haven't seen a penny off of that yet. Eric said they will. He said he has to wait until they send out the payments. Eric said he would like people to go out and support Sheik. You can find out more at IronSheikApps.com.
Howard asked Sheik why he doesn't fire this guy if he thinks that he's not doing a good job. Sheik said he would like to. He said he has people who are willing to help him more. Eric said that they're supposed to be working as a team. Howard asked what's holding him back from firing him. Sheik said he gets along with Eric. Eric said his wife put Sheik in his place when he started yelling at her. Sheik said that Eric hasn't made him any money. Eric said he's made him plenty of money over the past 20 years. He said Sheik spends it on the wrong things.
Eric said you can also check out ESSPromotions.com for more info about booking him for gigs. Sheik woke up again and said he's going to fire him.
Howard asked Sheik what he said to Eric's wife that upset her. Sheik said that he told his wife to lose some weight. Eric said he was giving her a hard time for no good reason. Howard said it sounds like Sheik did him a favor. Eric said that she's lost some weight and she's looking good for the wedding. Sheik said he told her to lose a couple hundred pounds. Sheik said she probably doesn't want him to see her at the wedding because she's probably gained some weight. Eric said she's lost weight, not gained. Howard said that Sheik might get up and say something at the wedding. That's why he can't have Sheik at the wedding. Howard said he wants to know what kind of drug Sheik is on. He said they could make millions selling whatever it is.
Howard gave Sheik some plugs and wrapped up with Eric and the Iron Sheik. Eric mentioned that Sheik is also on Twitter but sheik doesn't do the twittering himself. They have some other people who handle that for them. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Sheik is a marketing genius. you never know what's going to happen when he comes in. Fred said it was like watching One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest when they finally got the guy on drugs.
Howard had Mike Walker on the phone. He had Mike get right to his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard and Mike talked about Shawn King for a short time. They were talking about her suicide attempt and how Larry didn't visit her for 6 days while she was in there. Howard said he can't imagine why anyone married to Larry would want to kill herself. He said that no one is saying anything about it either. He said Larry is getting away with this somehow while no one else ever could.
Steve said they have a new Bonus Show up on Howard TV this week. It's also Crackhead Bob's 20th anniversary of getting clean.
High Pitch Mike has broken his silence after years of not talking about anyone but he's come out with a new Lowdown with Mike. Howard had the clip and played that. Mike was going off on Benjy showing up late for work. Mike also said that no one physically attacked him. He said he did upset Steve and he overreacted and put a trash can in his face but that was it. Mike said that Howard can't expect Benjy to take him seriously at this point in his contract.
Howard had to stop the clip because of what he was saying about his contract renewal. Howard said there is more than one party involved in this and he isn't the sole decision maker. Howard asked Mike what his problem is. Mike came in and said that they're all being held hostage waiting to find out what's going on. Howard said it's not going to affect Mike at all. Mike said there won't be a job there for him if he leaves SIRIUS. Howard said that Mike will be fine. Howard said he heard that Mike is having a lot of sex since he came out. Mike said it's not a lot but he is having some.
Howard asked Mike if he's mad at him. Mike said he's not mad but the company has an obligation to say something and step it up and work it out. Mike said there are a lot of people's lives that are affected.
Benjy was asking Mike to release the letter he wrote to Gary about what Steve did to him. Benjy said that what Steve did to Mike was a more fireable offense than what he did by showing up late. Howard said this was all fascinating but he had to move on. He said he just wants Benjy to be there on time. Benjy said he will be.
Howard asked Mike about having sex with an 18 year old boy. Mike is 32. Steve asked if he knows for sure he was really 18. Mike said that he was in a club so he must have been 18. He said that he showed the picture of the guy he had and he was very good looking. Howard asked if he had anal or oral. Mike asked Howard if he's renewing. Howard said he doesn't know.
Mike asked for a deadline on his renewal. Howard said it's way too complicated. Mike asked if he can go ask Mel. Howard told him not to ask Mel anything.
Howard asked Mike if the other guy ate his asshole. Mike said he did. Howard asked where he finished. Mike said the guy finished on his floor. He said that you're not supposed to finish on someone. He said he'd rather be safe than sorry.
Howard asked how bad the guy's ass smelled when he ate his ass. Mike never said he did that. He said that they clean themselves. Howard asked when they clean up. He said he did it before he went out. Mike said he doesn't dance that much so he's not sweating. Howard asked if there was mud on the helmet. Mike said there was some on the condom. Howard said he must have gone in deep if he pulled out a plumb. Mike said he doesn't know about that.
Howard said it had to smell bad. Mike said he didn't smell the condom. Howard asked if the doody came off. Mike said the condom came off pretty quick. Howard said the doody could fall off on the way to the bathroom. Mike just laughed. Howard said he's pretty convinced that Mike is gay now. He said he's gone pretty far into it.
Howard asked Mike if he swallowed. Mike said he didn't because the guy finished on the floor. Howard said he doesn't know, maybe he licked it off the floor. Mike said that he doesn't do that.
Howard asked if the guy was built. Mike said he was like a young Howard with tattoos. Howard said that asshole must have been tight. Mike said he guesses so. Fred kept playing gay porn and George Takei audio clips as they were talking about this stuff.
Mike said that the guy was handsome. He said that if Howard renews then he'll eat his ass. Howard asked if the guy had a big cock. Mike said he did. Howard asked if he was jerking off when he was in his ass. Mike said that he fucked the guy and then he may have blown the guy. Howard asked what the secret is to giving a good BJ. Mike said he's not sure what the secret is.
Richard came in and said that Mike tells some great stories. He had one about a dashboard that he asked if he could tell. Mike told him to go ahead and tell it.
Richard said Mike was getting hand release in a car one time years ago. The guy had a brand new car and Mike blew the load all over the dashboard and the guy freaked out because it was a brand new car. Mike said he didn't know he was going to get it all over the dashboard. He said he pulled his underwear down and it went all over. He thought he'd finish in his pants.
Howard thanked Richard for the story and told Mike that it's great he had the 18 year old. He asked if he was hairy. Mike said he was. Howard said it sounds like he's having a lot of gay fun. Mike said it's just a little bit. Howard let Mike go a short time later. He said hell be checking him out on Facebook. He said Mike likes Lady Gaga a little too much. He said you start to feel he wants to be Lady Gaga.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. They talked about a few of those things as he ran through the list.
Howard said he got some praise for his opinion on Howie Mandel on America's Got Talent. Howard read some of the feedback about that. He said he said that Howie was good and he does say positive things about people when he sees them like that. Howard said Howie knows what he's doing and he's likeable. Howard said that's that they were hoping for with Ellen. Howard said it didn't work with her. He said that he doesn't hate her and it's not personal, he just thinks she's not good at it. Howard said Howie is even better than Piers Morgan but Piers is good too. He said that's just his opinion.
Howard read some mail about how good the show has been. He also had some mail about his stance on the BP oil spill. Howard said he got some praise for the JD explains thing segment they did. He read some of those emails. Howard said he listened to the Wrap Up Show yesterday and loved some of what JD was trying to say. Howard said he had JD explaining his Joan Rivers explanation. In that clip JD was going on and on and stumbling over his own thoughts as he was trying to explain it. Howard said JD is the best.
Howard said that he and JD chat on the Facebook IM thing and JD seems to be able to put thoughts together in that. He said it must just be when he's on the air that it doesn't work.
Robin read a story about a four year old girl who is smoking cigarettes on a regular basis. Robin said this comes out after they found an 18 month old who has a 2 pack a day habit.
Robin also brought up a story about Ricky Martin coming out gay and appearing in the Broadway Play Evita. Howard wondered if he'll be sticking his dick in people's asses and cumming on the floor.
Robin read a story about a guy who was caught snipping people's hair on busses. She said he would cut clumps out of the hair and then stick glue in their hair.
Robin read a story about a 9-1-1 call that a woman made that got her arrested. The woman was looking for love. Robin had the audio of the call and in the clip the woman was saying that she was looking for a husband. The operator told her she could get arrested for calling 9-1-1 and the woman thanked her for that and said that was fine. Howard said that's so great. He asked what her sentence could be. He said it should be death. Robin said they don't show what the penalty is in the article. The article says that the woman who took the call was shocked by that call.
Robin said that they released the video of the woman who accused Ben Rothlisberger of rape. Robin said they weren't able to find enough evidence to convict him but this tape has been released. She had some audio of that tape so Howard played that.
Howard said he can't believe this Van Der Sloot guy blabbing like he is. Robin said that story is wild. Robin said that he called the family of the girl that disappeared in Aruba and said that he wanted some money to tell them where she was and how she died. Howard said the FBI got involved in a sting and he was given $10,000. Then he ran off to Peru and met this other girl he killed. Robin told Howard about the stuff that she read about what he did with that girl in Peru. She said it was really wild. He ended up leaving the body behind instead of trying to get rid of it. Howard said that's some kid there. Robin said he spoke to his mom about what he did and she may have convinced him to come forward. Howard wondered what turns a person into something so horrible.
Robin read a story about a man who kept his daughter imprisoned for years and had 7 children with her. He said he also abused his own daughter and which was his own granddaughter. Howard said that is some dark shit. The daughter is 28 now and she was kept in a hut for years. Robin said it was in a remote jungle area and it was only reachable by canoe.
Robin read a story about Troy Aikman coming out and saying that he has a technology that can help clean up the oil spill. Robin had some audio of Troy talking about that. Howard wondered what's going on with these celebrities coming out with this kind of stuff. Howard wondered where Troy has been all this time. He said they might as well try it to see if it works. He said they have nothing to lose.
Robin read a story about a couple of kids that were put on a plane without adult supervision and sent to the wrong cities. Robin said it's almost like abandoning the kids and saying no one is watching them. Robin had some audio of Jimmy Fallon making fun of that story on his show. Robin read about how the kids were supervised and safe the whole time they were going to the wrong places.
Robin had a story and some audio of a politician speaking on mic not knowing it was live. She said some things that got her into trouble.
Robin read a story about a suicide bomber that blew himself up in a wedding party in Afghanistan. It killed around 40 people. Howard said it has to be a depressing wedding to begin with over there.
Robin read about the Chicago Blackhawks winning the NHL championship. Howard said he knows Scott Ferrall loves that kind of stuff. Howard didn't seem to care though.
Robin read about the guy who is playing B.A. Baracus in the new A-Team movie. She had some audio of him talking about playing the part that Mr. T used to play.
Robin had some audio of Jackie Chan talking about the remake of The Karate Kid. Jackie was talking about martial arts not being about beating people or hurting anyone. Howard said that's bullshit. He said that there isn't anything peaceful about it. Howard said he always hated Mr. Myogi in the first movie. He said he liked the evil guy. Howard said he wants to learn to beat the shit out of a human being, not how to be peaceful. Robin had another clip of Jackie Chan talking about learning martial arts and there were people screaming behind him.
Robin said that Don Rickles is in the new Toy Story movie. She had some audio of Don talking about working on that movie. Don said they did a wonderful job with those movies. Howard said Don still has a nice voice too.
Robin had some audio of Joan Rivers talking about her new movie. She was talking about her plastic surgery and joking about that.
Robin had some audio of David Spade, Kevin James and someone else talking about their new movie. Robin also mentioned Shania Twain's divorce being official now. Robin said that's what's happening and Howard ended the show around 10:50am.
Jon went through some of the other subjects they were going to cover today. Jon said the big thing was the America's Next Top Wack Packer contest. Jon said he didn't want the segment to end with Big Foot. Gary said he was frightened with Big Foot sitting next to him on the couch. He said he looks like the kind of guy that would just snap you in half.
Jon said it was odd that he thinks that he's going to a mental hospital for coughing and farting. Gary said there are a lot of things that Big Foot doesn't know. He said he doesn't know why a 16 year old kid sprayed him with Mace. Jon said that Big Foot was the winner of that contest not too long ago and he thought he did a good job today.
Gary said they didn't get a ton of people for this contest. He said they got a bunch toward the end and they were surprised that they got the quality they did. Gary said that they have to book four people because they think that maybe one may not show up. He said that Big Foot is another story. He said it's not so easy to book him to do the show. He said they haggle over gas money so it turns into a whole ordeal.
Gary said the sales department didn't want to deal with Big Foot anymore because he is such a pain in the ass but Gary said they have to deal with him because he's so good on the air. This time he wasn't such a pain in the ass.
Jon and Gary went over the guys who were in the contest today. They talked about each of the contestants and what made them unique. John said that Robert was the one who said he didn't want to win the contest. Gary said he liked him a lot. He said he could win a ''creepiest guy'' contest. Jon thought that Greg was pretty creepy too though.
Jon said that Hillbilly Jack's laugh was great. Gary said he loved that he said he went to Pitt and studied Botany. Gary said he doesn't believe it but Will does.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Big Foot was good as a judge. He was wondering where Hillbilly was from. Gary said he's from Pennsylvania. They've had quite a few from PA on the show. The caller said they must grow them there or something.
The caller asked the guys why he has to pick up Penthouse magazine to find out about Artie. The guy said he's a big fan of his and he's not sure why they talk to them and not Howard. Gary said he doesn't want to get too into that too much but Stacy made a comment to a guy 5 months ago that she didn't know was going to end up in the magazine. He said that Artie has gotten much better since then and Stacy hasn't gone out and talked to the press. He said that Artie isn't in that condition now but he shouldn't even be talking for them since it's not his place to say.
Will Murray came in and said that Hillbilly Jack was great on the show today. He said you can see where the guy lives on his web site and he's the real deal. Will said he spoke to his mom for about 15 minutes and it took him like 7 minutes to figure out it wasn't Jack he was talking to.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he knows Freddie and he's known him for 10 years. He said he helped get him on the show. The guy said that there are two people. There's Fred and Freddie and Freddie is the wild guy who goes around getting wild. He said today they got Fred and not Freddie. He said that he wasn't as wild as usual. The guy said he can't argue with the outcome but it was an off day for Freddie. Gary said they saw the video and he did come across as a weird guy today but not as a Wack Packer. He said he's very functional and saying that he was going to put money in the bank if he had won. The caller said that's Fred and Freddie would have spent it gambling and on a Robosapian.
Gary asked the caller how he got to know Freddie. The caller gave a rundown of how they found him. He said he was kind of disappointed that he came in last place. Gary said you have to bring your A-game when you do a Wack Packer contest. Gary said they were all good today but Freddie just didn't come prepared.
Gary said he voted for Jack because he was more upbeat than Greg. Jon took another call from a guy who said Jack is a good choice but Greg's voice is hilarious and he was cracking up from the get go. Gary said that it was a close call between the two. He said he gets what the guy is saying.
Jon asked what happened when Greg tried to get out of the wheelchair. Will said he wasn't sure what he was up to. He said they were trying to contain him so he'd stop. Gary said he was worried about his safety. Gary asked if anyone understood the butt lift thing. No one did.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if anyone in there can say that Double A is a Wack Packer. He said the guy isn't retarded and he has money. He said that he's not a wack packer. He asked if they think he is. Gary said Double A doesn't work because he has money but if he didn't have money he probably still wouldn't work. He said he's a Wack Packer and he has that wrestling belt and stuff. Will said there are two groups of Wack Packers. He said they have guys who are kind of retarded but then there are completely functional people who go to every event and follow the show in every way.
The caller said that Double A wouldn't have won today. Gary said that things have changed over the years and this was a contest where they had to be really wacky to win. Will said he hasn't heard form Double A for a really long time. Even Captain Janks stopped calling in after being on the phone every day.
Jon took a call from Wheels who is a regular caller. He asked when Will and Jason became judges. Wheels said he knew they were going to sway the vote the other way. Jon said that Howard said they were going to be judges when the show started this morning. He said Ronnie was the surprise judge.
Wheels said they have a guy at work who has narcolepsy and they can't fire him. He said he got fired himself for doing security and showing up 5 minutes late.
Another caller said that Jason will vote for whoever Howard likes. He said if Howard had voted for Greg then he would have voted for him. Will said that Jason did say that he liked Greg before he went into the studio. He said that he changes his mind as the contest went on.
The caller asked Jon if he thinks that Jason is a suck ass. Jon said they have a lot of suck asses there. He mentioned Will as being one of them. Will told him to be careful wearing that teal shirt that he had on.
Another caller asked how Jack had an agent. Gary said that it sounds like he's a real wack packer because he'll probably never make a dime with that web site he has.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jack was the best winner. He said Big Foot was a great judge too. He was also hoping that Richard and Sal get some audio of Greg to make some prank calls. Gary said that Jack, Greg and Big Foot stuck around to play games and to give them some audio drops. The caller said he's looking forward to that.
Jason came in and said that he doesn't have a mind of his own and voted with Howard. He said the truth is that he loved Greg and his voice but Jack's laugh was great and he loved that. He said he won him over in the end. He said every time Jack laughed, he laughed.
Jason said that Greg would be great on the red carpet interviews. Gary said he doesn't think anyone would stick around long for those interviews. Jason said that his voice was great but he's not sure that he's more than a one trick pony.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that his brother was an entry in the contest. He asked how tough it twas to get it down to four. Gary said they didn't have a lot to choose from and it just kind of worked itself out. Jason said he went through the first pass of tapes and brought it down to about a dozen. Then they cut it down to the four they had. Will jokingly said they only got like 5 entries. Gary said they went through everything.
Jason said that Jon is the biggest suck ass there in the office. He said Jon never says anything about anyone on the air but back in the office he does.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked who Benjy was going to vote for. No one knew. Gary said that he never knows what Benjy is going to say.
Gary said that Benjy was starting to do a bit where he was saying ''You're right'' and being overly agreeable about what they were saying about him.
Scott the Engineer came in and said that Benjy was very annoyed about the plug. He said that he asked him why it was taken out. Fred had come to him asking if he took it out. Scott said he checked with Gary on it and that led to them talking to Howard about it.
Gary said Benjy cares about that plug even though he doesn't check his own site that he plugs. He thinks that it's like a credit on the show when you get a plug like that. Gary told him that he should just say that he's the writer on the show or something instead.
A caller asked how long Benjy will show up on time. Gary said it will eventually get weird again. It's just a matter of time. He said this is a test of wills.
A caller asked if Howard will let Benjy off with good behavior. Gary said that Howard won't reduce this sentence. He said they marked it in the calendar and they will talk about it in 3 months when that time comes up.
The guys were talking about Benjy's alarm clock search and how he has these weird demands for his clocks. They said that he could just get a clock with a battery back up.
Jason asked Gary if he thinks that Howard wants him and Tim to sit him down and tell him he needs to be there on time. Gary said that it's a weird, gray area with that. He said he can't fire anyone there without Howard's approval. He said he can't do a lot of stuff without Howard's approval.
Jon said that the alarm clock thing is just another excuse. He said that if you want to work there then you have to show up on time. It's as simple as that.
Shuli came in and asked if they think it's a mental thing with Benjy. Gary said he doesn't believe that at all. Jason said he doesn't think it's a mental problem but Benjy does have mental problems and he might be able to work them out if he went to therapy. They had to go to break after that.
Jon moved on to talk about the Iron Sheik. He said he's usually worked up and he was more like Medicated Sheik and not the Iron sheik. Jon said he thinks back to his glory days whenever he sees him in there. Jon said that nothing was getting him going today. Will said they threw everything at him and nothing got to him. He said he always hates his manager but even that wasn't working.
Jon said that Sheik and Eric were getting into it a little bit. They talked about Eric and how he's kind of like the Jesus Twins manager. Shuli said they have a very strange relationship. He said Eric can really get Sheik worked up. He said he's been out on the road with them and he's seen Sheik slap the shit out of him. Shuli said they need each other though.
Will said that Eric manages a couple of wrestlers. Shuli said today was kind of sad seeing Sheik acting the way he was. He said it was like seeing a wild horse turned into a petting zoo pony.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Sheik sounded like the guy in the wheelchair in the Wack Pack contest. That joke didn't go over very well with the guys.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she thinks that Greg was actually talking about Botox and not a butt lift. Gary said he thought he said Botox too but he wasn't sure why he'd want it. The caller said she's pretty sure it was Botox for his muscles. Maybe it was for his ass muscles. Jon asked if he deserved to win. She said that the voice creeped her out so she's glad that Jack won. She said Greg sounds like a serial killer. Jon said it was kind of scary when he tried to get out of that chair.
That led to the guys talking about Robert from the Wack Pack contest and how strange he was. Jon took another call from a guy who was trying to help them figure out who else Eric manages.
The guy was also saying that Big Foot is great on the show. He said you never know what's going to come out of his mouth. Gary said that he can't even say Vermont and that's where he lives. The caller said he loved the way they were working on Robert and trying to get him to screw up. Gary said he was trying to get something good out of him and not trying to bust him.
Jon asked Gary if he's really afraid of Big Foot. Gary said he really was scared by him. He said he could snap him in half before anyone would have the time to save him.
Another caller asked if they could come up with a better name for Jack. He said Hillbilly Jack isn't that great. Gary said that's the name he came in with. The caller said Howard could come up with something better. He said they picked the right guy but the name doesn't work.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the Botox is supposed to be used for scar tissue. He said that other caller brought up the Botox thing. Gary said he doesn't care about it anymore but thanked the guy for calling.
That led to Jon pointing out that Mike confronted Howard about the deadline for leaving and Howard still doesn't have an answer. Gary said he had a deadline to meet but he's sticking on the ship as long as he can. Jon said Mike is right about the people with kids and how they're kind of hanging there. Shuli said Mike is freaking out because no one will let him jerk off on the dashboard of a car if Howard retires.
The guys were also talking about how Steve Langford seems to be a different guy on the air and off. Shuli said that is true.
Mike came in and said that he would like to be able to buy a house some day and he would like to adopt kids. He said he'd like to have some security in his life. Mike said that Richard Christy has to plan a wedding and he might have to scale it down if Howard leaves. Gary said Richard could use the contract thing as an excuse to delay the wedding.
Steve Langford came in and said that Benjy came into the news room and basically said that he wanted to put everything behind them. He said it was a very nice gesture on Benjy's part. He said he agreed to it. Steve said he didn't want to say ''bury the hatchet'' with that. He said that everything is going to be fine.
Jon asked Mike about the 18 year old he had. Mike said he didn't mess around much when he was younger and he started to ask why he wasn't messing around more. He said he figured it was time to do it.
Mike said he went out to eat one night with a friend and they got a news tip the next morning saying that he had been seen out.
Jon asked Mike if he hangs out with Richard much. He said it's like once a month or so. He said he likes Richard and he's not gay. Jon asked if they ever have any glances at each other. Mike said he thinks he could probably get Richard if he got drunk enough. Gary told him to find someone better looking than Richard if he's going to do that. They had to end the show a short time later.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 10:45am.