|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about starting all over on a Monday morning. He said they were getting ready to do another show that will never end. He heard reports about Robin out in Los Angeles. Robin asked what they were reporting on. Howard said people report to him about her whereabouts. Fred played some Morse code sounds as he was talking about that. Howard said he can't say who it was that was reporting on her though.
Howard said he stayed up to watch True Blood last night but something is wrong with his cable. He said he has to get someone on it. Howard said when he watches his cable, it freezes up like the internet does. He said the picture freezes every few seconds. Robin said it could be what it's coming through. It could be his TiVo. Robin said that she had that problem with her's. She said one of her TiVos was screwed up and not on the other one. Howard said he has to get it fixed. Robin said she does too.
Howard said he wasn't able to fall asleep right away after that. He said it takes him a few minutes to fall asleep and then he gets anxiety over that. Howard said Beth wasn't home. She went to Pittsburgh for her grandma's 90th birthday. Howard said she never even made it. He said she had to take a flight to Pittsburgh and then to Eerie or something. He said she had to fly to Detroit to get to Eerie. They didn't take off on time and she missed her connecting flight so that didn't work out.
Howard said Beth slept at a hotel and she's trying to get out of there now. He said you get screwed when they have problems with the flights. Howard said he's not sure if it was the storms or the incompetence of the people or maybe the fact that they only have 3 airlines left.
Robin said she had delays too. Howard said Beth was giving him updates all day yesterday. He said he was texting back and forth and he wasn't even sure what to say to her. He's glad he wasn't there with her. He said he just can't go when it's during the week. Howard said they have this birthday party thing going on today so he can't be out there.
JD came in and said the wrappers should be gone by the time he gets in there. Howard said they're not though. He was asking why Richard and Sal have cockroach's in their office. JD said they have water bugs or something in there. JD was also saying that Howard keeps his door closed in his office so that should keep the ants out. Howard said he doesn't eat in there though. Howard said the guys should go downstairs and eat or maybe out in the cafe area. JD said he doesn't see that many bugs there. He said it's rare.
Howard said if he had a cockroach on his shoulder he'd never come in there again. He said that skeeves him again.
JD said if it happens again he'll clear out his office. Howard said there's so much eating going on there and now he has ants. He said if they're in his office he's going to flip out. JD said he's sorry if they're in there because of his stuff.
JD said the wrapper he had in there this morning was from an Angus burger from McDonald's. Howard said that kind of stuff attracts bugs. He said he may have brought them in off the newspaper but he's not sure. JD said he will throw everything out in the kitchen trash. Howard said anything JD has in his office is going to get into his office because they're right next door.
Howard said there was a time when he was trying to come up with a movie idea and he wanted to do something as a super hero. The only thing left for him was Ant Man. He said he didn't know that much about ants but it turns out they can live 8 times their weight. Howard said he could also organize ants but then the only thing that can throw him off is a closed door.
Howard said JD saying that they should close his door to keep the ants out is like when he was a kid and they'd make them prepare for nuclear war by getting under their desks. Howard said that was so stupid. He said they should have skipped all of that and not had the anxiety about nuclear bombs. Howard said they were freaking everyone out about that. They could have added that they should close the door to keep the ants out.
Howard said he did look into doing Ant Man the movie but that lasted about 3 seconds. He said that was the lamest super hero ever. Howard said he was no Super Hero.
Howard said he doesn't even know the whole back story for how Ant Man became Ant Man. Howard said he knows Spider-Man but he doesn't know anything about that Ant Man.
Robin asked if Ant Man had a cool outfit. Howard said it was kind of non descript. He may have had antenna on him but it might have looked kind of gay. Howard said ''speaking of gay...'' and brought up the Tony awards. He said he watched some of that too.
Howard said he just got a note saying that they are making an Ant Man movie. He asked who wrote the note. Jason came in and said that the movie is scheduled for 2012 and it's the guy who made Sean of the Dead who is writing and directing it. Howard said he'll watch it. He said he used to buy that comic. Howard said there was a while when they could make any super hero and people would buy into it.
Howard said Stan Lee would come up with ideas for him to be some kind of radio guy with special powers too. He said his mind is incredible. Howard said he'd tell Stan it was absurd but Stan thinks that it's all the same and it would work. Howard said he shouldn't question Stan Lee. He said Stan is his hero.
Howard said they could have a Dandruff Man. He said they could have him snowing people under and covering them with dandruff. He said they could have Tampon girl too. He said she was big overseas from what he heard.
Robin asked if he knows Ant Man's real name. Howard didn't know. Robin said it was Henry Pimm. Howard said Aquaman laughs at Ant Man.
Howard said Tampon Girl went into toxic shock leaving her tampon in and that led to her getting super powers. He said Stan also invented Light Skinned Black Man and it was very popular back in the 1960s. He said he had powers like having his afro doing everything. He said he was cool but acceptable to white people. There were a lot of super heroes that didn't make it.
Howard said there were a lot of spin offs like Super Girl and a bunch of pets in the Superman series. Howard said they all came in different capsules. He said there was a monkey and the dog. He wondered why there would be a monkey on Krypton. He said they were all useless too. He said Superman was the only one who did anything.
Howard said he thinks there was even a Super Clam. He said that it had a giant pearl. Howard said he knew they were going to make the Ant Man movie. He said he wanted to be Ant Man but he knew no one would want to see him in that.
Howard said he didn't see this one part where a guy got very excited about an award he was accepting. Howard said it turns out the play he was in was something that David Bryan from Bon Jovi produced. Howard said it's a big hit from what he heard. Howard said he heard he's working on a new musical about Toxic Avenger too. Howard said David is a very talented guy. Howard said he watches him play two pianos on stage at the same time and he doubles the singing for Jon and Richie. He said he's very entertaining up there on stage.
Howard said maybe they should have David on the show now that he's got a hit play. Gary said that's kind of insulting. He just called there the other day and they turned him down. Howard said that's show business though. He said he can't have him talking about some play that no one knows about. He said that's like the time they had Green Day on the show and he asked to hear a hit song instead of one of their obscure songs. Howard said they got pissed at him and they haven't heard from them since. Howard said Green Day played their hits on the Tony Awards. Howard was doing an impression of them with a British accent and then realized they're not British, they just do that in their songs.
Howard said Green Day didn't have any problem doing their hits on the Tony's. He said they did with him. He wondered why everyone is a rebel on his ass.
Howard said Scarlett Johansson won a Tony and they try to keep the shows moving but they didn't cut her off. They let her ramble for a few minutes. Howard said anyone else would have gotten cut off. He said this clip is kind of boring but played some of it anyway. In the clip Scarlett Johansson was stammering and saying she didn't know what to say. Then she went on to talk for 4 minutes. Howard said she had a whole speech prepared. Scarlett thanked everyone but then she just kept going and going. He said she was fun to look at because she's pretty and has big tits. Howard let the clip play for a couple of minutes. He said it just goes on and on. He said anyone else would have been cut off much earlier.
In the speech Scarlett was thanking Liev Schreiber for working with her and letting her into that world. Howard said he started to cry during that speech. Howard said that she's so smoking hot and of course they're going to welcome her into that world. He said the guy is probably thinking about sticking his dick in her ass.
Howard played more of the clip where Scarlett was talking about her family and how her mom pounded the pavement with her at 8 years old. Howard said her mom dragged her around at 8. He said she should have been out working. He said that's some mom there. Howard imagined what that sounded like when her mom would freak out about people not knowing how talented her little girl was and how she was going to be a star.
Howard played more of the clip and Scarlett was telling her man how much she meant to her. Howard said this is another Sandra Bullock moment. He said this guy will probably be cheating on her in a year. Howard said this is just like Sandra talking about Jesse James. He said he was busy fucking other chicks with no rubber on.
Howard said this was something else. He said that this guy is going to dump her ass at some point. Gary said that Ryan Reynolds was engaged to Alanis Morissette and he dumped her to go out with Scarlett. In the speech Scarlett was thanking Ryan for supporting her. Howard said that guy dumped Alanis when he met her. He was engaged to her. He said he's going to do the same thing to her and she should keep her mouth shut.
Howard said that what all of these women should do is thank Jesse James for having their back. He said they should all do that. Howard said that would be funny.
Howard said this speech goes on and on. He said it was a really long speech. Robin said she didn't hear anyone trying to wrap it up by playing music.
Howard said there was one guy who did a really quick speech like they were going to play him right off. Howard played that clip and wondered how you get that gay affect like this guy had. He wondered if it's genetic or is that something you learn. He said they should study that. Howard did an impression like he was Sylvester the Cat. He said maybe that's cock in the mouth that makes them talk like that. Howard said he's all for gay rights and all but he's wondering where that gay affect comes from. He said High Pitch Mike doesn't talk like that. Robin said he is kind of effeminate though.
Howard said it seems that a lot of gay guys go for that sound. Robin said maybe that's like how they get other gays to recognize it. Howard said he's thinking it's genetic. Robin doesn't think it is.
Howard played the clip again and listened to this guy giving his speech. This was the guy in the David Bryan play. Howard said that's what he was talking about earlier. He said he's not sure what he did in the play. Fred played some Jackie gay clips and Howard did an impression of the guy too.
Howard said that David Hyde Pierce wasn't looking good and Kelsey Grammer started to cry when he gave him an award. Howard said that there were a few people who cried last night. He played a couple of those crying clips too.
Howard was making fun of this one woman who was crying. Fred was playing some Billy West crying sound clips while they were making fun of that. Howard said he can imagine interviewing her and hearing that crying. He said that her life must have been bad hearing that crying. He said she must have had a big struggle. He played more of the clip and said this was Viola Davis who was crying. Howard let the clip play some more and Fred played more of the crying clips.
Howard had some other crying clips to play too. He said he really doesn't care about their struggles. Howard played another one and there was a woman crying over her life and Howard said that his cable froze last night so that's his struggle. This woman was telling people to stay focused on their dreams. Howard said that's like Grillo wanting to be an actor and he's 36 years old already. Howard said there are some people who shouldn't be following their dreams.
Howard said that some people have dreams that are totally unrealistic. He said that you have to throw in the dream towel at some point. Howard did his Grillo impression for a couple of minutes goofing on him about the whole dream of acting thing. Howard played more of that audio of the woman crying about her life too.
Howard and Fred both did their Grillo impressions. They'd play some of the crying chick and then goof on Grillo about his dream. The woman was thanking her husband in her speech too so Howard said he hopes that all of these husbands are out fucking women with tattoos like Jesse James. Howard said it would be great if Michelle ''Bombshell'' McGee was out there fucking all of these guys. Howard said that would be great.
Howard and Fred goofed on Grillo some more about getting out of being an electrician and going into acting. Howard said the guy was just a couple of years away from making big money as an electrician. Howard said Grillo wanted his name in lights, he didn't want to fix lights. Fred did his impression of Grillo some more too.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that they were at Grillo's benefit show over the weekend and it doesn't look like his dream is going to come true. He said he had maybe 30 people there. He said that the guy is delusional and thought he'd have 300 show up. Doug said that it's just not going to happen for him and he should give up and become an electrician. He said they shot the show for Howard TV. Doug said that Steve is still happy and proud that he had 30 people show up. He needed 300. Doug jokingly said he doesn't think the reality show guys showed up to that thing. Howard said that you'd give Grillo the money if you thought there was anything to that whole thing. He had to go to break after that.
Howard said they were talking about Adam Curry the other day and how he had made money podcasting. Howard said they were trying to figure out how he did that. Howard had Adam on the phone to talk about that this morning.
Adam said he was in Los Angeles this morning. Robin asked if that's where his castle is. Adam said that was over in London. He said it was a castle-lite so it was about 3 million. Howard asked how much land he had with that. Adam said it was 32 acres. Howard asked if he has kids. Adam said he has a daughter that's almost 20. Howard said he definitely lived the dream. He said he got out of that MTV VJ thing. Howard said Adam had that Ryan Seacrest kind of career going.
Adam said that Howard told him he was an idiot when he got out of MTV 17 years ago. That was the last time they spoke. Howard said ''well, look who's the idiot now.''
Adam told Howard he had an internet advertising company that he sold for like $450 million in 1999. He said that was right before the internet bust. He said he was inventing the whole podcasting thing around 2004 and he wasn't the one who came up with the name ''podcasting'' though. He also told Howard he was always a big fan.
Howard asked Adam what he invented. He knew he had the MTV.com web site when that was all starting out. Adam said he got sued over that. He said they didn't want it at the time but when he left MTV they sued him and said it was copyright infringement. He said they settled out of court for that. He said he would have just given it to them if they had asked for it. When they sued he figured he should fight.
Howard asked how his advertising company was worth so much. Adam said this was very early on in the internet advertising. He said they started out designing web sites and connecting them to their back end systems and advertising so they had a big company. Howard said they sold that for $450 million. Adam said that was a long time ago.
Adam said he had a helicopter company that failed. That was after 9/11 so that didn't work out. Adam said he figured he could do just about anything. Howard asked if he got a good chunk of the $450 million. He said he didn't get that much.
Adam said he invested in Ask Jeeves and he made a lot on that... on paper. He said he made a lot on that. He said that site was ruined to start with and Google kind of ruined that. Howard thought he was going to say he had invested in Google. Adam said he wishes.
Howard asked Adam about the other stuff he got involved with. Adam said he was over in Belgium and he had nothing to do there. He said he was just hanging around and learned to fly. Then he wanted to do some radio stuff and he ended up doing it on the internet. Adam said that he thought about it and he thought it would be cool to listen to radio on the internet. He wanted to create a program to find out if he had made a new show and it would download in the middle of the night. He said that's how he came up with the podcast idea. It wasn't the tech behind it but putting it all together was his idea. He said he started to get an audience and that's how that got started. Then he had the company that did the podcasting tech so they made some money off of that. Adam said he had his own money in that and money from the Google guys. He said about 2 years ago they started to make money. He said they assist people in podcasting. Adam said they call it digital broadcasting and not podcasting.
Howard asked if they assist in the bandwidth thing. Adam said that Adam Carolla is getting fucked on the bandwidth thing. He heard Howard talking to him about that.
Adam told Howard there are 100 million iPhones and Android phones and all of that. Howard said he thinks it's really happening right now but he doesn't want to get into it himself because it's hard to make money with it. He said Carolla is having a tough time doing it. Adam said there are plenty of people making money doing it. He said satellite is too small for Howard. He said if Howard went on the internet today then he'd make huge money. Howard said he has had people talk to him about it. Robin said it sounds like Adam is pitching to him. Adam said that he's kind of pitching to Howard and that's why he's up at 4 in the morning to talk about this.
Adam said that he knows Howard's contract is coming up soon. He said he did talk to his board and investors and he would like to guarantee Howard $100 million in the first year. Howard told him ''Lets do it!'' he said that sounds real good to him.
Howard said a lot of people have spoken to him about the internet and he sees it working out some day. He said he thinks that satellite will have to put their content on the internet too. Adam said that they're 4 billion in debt right now too. Howard said they are making money right now too. Adam said it's very expensive to run that company. He said that you can get the Sirius iPhone app but Howard isn't on there. Adam said they don't have Howard on there because it would be over for satellite if they did that. Howard said that you can't get internet in your cars though. Adam said it's not that hard. He said with 3G anyone can get it in their car.
Adam said that he does a show twice a week and they're making hundreds of thousands a year on that. He said that's just people just sending in money without asking for it. He said that show is called No Agenda.
Adam said he talked to Don about this 10 years ago and Don hung up on him. Adam said this is where Howard belongs today. He knows that Howard wants an infrastructure but he could do this and he could change behavioral patterns around the world if he went to the digital broadcasting. Howard thanked Adam for talking to them about this stuff. He said he's glad that he's doing well.
Howard found out that Adam's girlfriend is 39 and Adam is 45. Adam's ex wife was like 15 years older than him. Adam said he had a wake up moment with this new girlfriend. He realized that this is what it's supposed to be like.
Howard said he's glad that Adam told them about this stuff. Adam said he thinks Howard should really consider broadcasting on the internet. Howard said they'll both be rolling in money when he starts to work with him. Adam got in a plug for his show NoAgendaShow.com before he got off the line. Howard said that deal sounded pretty good to him. He said he'd have to pay Fred and Benjy to work but he could still get away with 99 percent of the $100 million.
Howard said if they're offering him $100 million to do two shows a week then he'd be in. He said if he did one on Sunday and one on Thursday, he's in. Howard said it sounds like anything goes with internet broadcasting or ''digital broadcasting'' as Adam said.
Howard spent a couple of minutes going over hat they had just learned. Howard said it sounds like a good deal to him. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Gary saw the Green Day Broadway play and he didn't like it. He said Gary didn't know the songs and he didn't like the play. Gary said the musical is the whole album and there are like 3 songs that are good. He said that there's a little bit of talk in the play. He said he's a huge fan of theirs but the story line was kind of thin in the play. He said there's a lot of ''fuck the man'' stuff in the play. Gary said these young kids grow up in a small town in the play and it's kind of unclear what's going on.
Howard said the band seems kind of angry. Gary said he saw them interviewed recently and they all have kids and they're not as angry anymore. Howard said he saw them getting ready for a show one day and they were throwing themselves against a wall and climbing fences and falling off. they were punching each other and slamming into one another because they're punks. Howard said everyone is angry.
Gary said the play was about the kids wanting to get out of this town that was unnamed. He said they're being repressed by someone and they have to get out but one guy can't leave because his girlfriend got pregnant or something. He said that the people in the play do a good job but he didn't love it. He said his son Lucas loved it though.
Howard didn't know anything about it. He said he's just happy for David Bryan having a hit. Howard said David has been on the show talking about that play and they didn't think much of it at the time. Howard said he figured he was just wasting his time.
Howard said David never gets the attention he deserves with Bon Jovi. Howard said the guy is really talented though. He said he can play two pianos at once. Howard said that's pretty amazing. Robin said it really is because it's very hard to do. Howard said that's what Paul Shaffer does on Letterman's show. He said he must be doing that just to look cool.
Howard said David sings too while he's playing two pianos. Howard said he'd love to be that guy that comes in and does the back up singing.
Howard had some audio of Green Day at the Tony Awards. He said he'd play some of that and then move on. Howard said Angela Lansbury was rockin' out in the audience. He said she's got to be in her 90s at this point. He said he doesn't mean to disparage her but no one would be paying her any respect if she had died at 50. He said it's the same thing with Betty White. He said that you just have to live long enough and you become a legend.
Howard pointed out that Green Day had no problem doing a hit song there at the Tony's. Howard played the clip of them performing ''Holiday'' there at the Tony's. They did two songs actually and they were both hit songs. Howard said they didn't want to play a hit song when they were on his show. Howard said they wanted to do some obscure song instead.
Gary said they goof on the Tony's about being very gay and then Ricky Martin came out on the show. Gary said that guy is really coming out of the closet screaming.
Gary said he was reading an article about George Michael and he refused to come out of the closet until he was like 35 because his mother was still alive. Howard wondered what Richard's excuse is. He said he might be really hetero. Howard said Richard once told him he hates pussy. He said that was during a commercial one time. He said that most straight guys don't say that.
Howard read the article where this guy talked about his alleged gay sex thing with Richard Simmons. The guy claims that Richard shushed him when he showed up because his mom was sleeping upstairs. Howard read that the guy said Richard wears that outfit of his all the time. Howard said he finds that hard to believe although he did show up to dinner in that outfit one time.
Howard said Richard came over and ended up throwing cucumbers into his pool. He said he was so disgusted with him. He said the guy terrorized them. He said he was squeezing them and picking them up to show how strong he was. He said Richard threw the cucumber pieces in the pool but that was many years ago. That's when Richard would hang with him. Before he got mad at him.
Howard read more of the story that this gay escort told about going to Richard's home. He claims that Richard gave him a full body massage. The guy said that Richard didn't have that great of a body.
JD came in and said that Richard wears pantyhose under his shorts now. He said he's seen the pictures. He said he'll find the pictures and print them out. Howard said maybe they're support hose.
Howard read more of the article while JD searched for the picture. Howard saw the picture a short time later. He said JD was right. He was wearing stockings. Howard said that's kind of sad. Robin said it's time to change the outfit. Howard said the shorts are starting to look like a dress so it does make sense. He said the guy is getting older and he should put something on with a sleeve. Howard said maybe he wears the stocking to keep his balls from falling out of his shorts.
Howard asked Robin what she wanted him to sing about. Robin told him to sing about his firing at NBC. Howard had Fred start the music again and then went right into a song about Pig Virus and how he was out to destroy his life. Howard made it all up as he went along and the song wasn't all that different than a Broadway play song.
Howard played some more Tony Award clips and then had Lisa G get to her news preview. Lisa said she was on the red carpet last night and David Bryan said that he keeps calling and calling and Howard never picks up on him. Howard said he may pick up on him now. She also spoke to Green Day and they want to come back on the show and do another song. Howard said he thought they were mad at him for not letting them play. Gary said he remembers the morning very vividly and they didn't want to do the hit songs. He said there was a whole negotiation and they played the song they wanted to and cursed a lot.
Howard wondered why they can go on the Tony's and play their hits but not on this show. Howard said he would welcome them back to play if they want but he thinks they're angry. He said they think he's ''the man'' like he's keeping from playing what they want. Howard said the audience wants to hear their hit songs. Howard said he's glad they said hello though.
Lisa said that Melanie Griffith sent Howard her love at the red carpet. She said Antonio didn't stop but Melanie did. Howard said he was going to do a movie with her years ago. He said he was going to play her boyfriend in the movie. Lisa said she looked beautiful in person. She said she looks better in person than in pictures.
Lisa said she asked Paula Abdul about Howard being a judge on Idol. She thought Howard would be great. She also saw Valerie Harper there and she's not a fan of his but she's seen him out running in the park and she's a fan of his athleticism. Howard said he's never seen her out there. Howard said he thinks he had her on the show once. Fred thinks they did back at NBC.
Lisa said they were also at Steve Grillo's benefit show and there were about 30 people there and most of them were comped. She heard he did raise $1700 though.
Lisa said that Benjy is trying to cure his chronic lateness. Howard said he was early again this morning. Benjy said he got in just before Howard did. Lisa said that Benjy wants to do some therapy with a shrink but he wants to do it on the air. Howard said of course he does. He doesn't want that shtick on the air though.
Howard let Lisa go and said he didn't want to get into that Benjy vortex right now. He said he's just happy he's showing up on time now.
Howard said it was nice things other than the ''not worth every penny'' thing. Fred said it may have been Mel trying to make a joke. Robin said she's hoping it's a negotiation thing. Howard said he thinks he's worth every penny. He said he's seen the math and he is worth it. Howard said maybe he was saying that there could be a time when he's not worth every penny.
Howard said he has nothing bad to say about Mel. He said this is a good place for him and he agrees with him on that. He said a mental institution is a good place for him too though.
Howard read about the remake of the movie and said that he may have to go see it just because he was a Karate Kid fan. Howard said at least Jada can't get anything going. He likes that. Howard said he likes that Will and his kids are having success but Jada isn't. Fred said she's like the Yoko of the family.
Howard said the American Idol show is being sued for not paying royalties on the music that they were performing.
Howard said he saw this story about the 16 year old who tried to sail around the world alone. Howard said the parents sound really kooky. He said they've negotiated for a reality show and they thought it was a good idea to send her out on her own. Howard said the parents are nuts. He said that the father is broke and signed this deal to do the reality show. The kid is saying she wants to go out alone again. Howard said he'd like to know who is paying for the rescue mission to save the kid.
Howard said this 16 year old could have died if they didn't find her. He said she was all alone out in the middle of the ocean and could have easily died. Howard said this family has 7 kids and they rarely speak to anyone. Howard said it sounds like a cult-like thing this guy is setting up. He said the family sounds pretty nutty.
Howard read some details about the family and the 16 year old girl who is on her way home. She's still a week away from home. Howard said she was in the middle of the Indian ocean when she got lost. Howard said she's on a French boat right now and they're still a week away from land. Howard read that the father claims the reality show was the last thing on his mind. Howard said no one should be out there sailing around the world alone. Howard said that kid should be in high school. She's home schooled though so the father probably skipped a couple of grades.
Howard said it's odd that a parent can't leave a kid home alone for a couple of days but he can let her sail around the world alone. There's something wrong with that.
Howard said Lady Gaga showed up at a baseball game dressed like a hooker. He said she didn't want to be photographed but when you show up looking like that you have to be prepared. Howard said she has to be prepared to be yelled at for distracting people too.
Howard said there was a girl who said ''cunt'' twice on the Today Show last week. He had audio of her saying that while being interviewed by Meredith Viera. Howard said Viera had to come back and apologize after the commercial break. Howard played both clips. In the apology clip Viera took responsibility for that herself since they didn't tell the girl what she can and can't say on the air.
Howard said we have to get over these words. He said that it's so messed up that we're upset about hearing the word ''cunt.'' Howard said he can't imagine who she was apologizing to. Howard said she didn't have to apologize. He said that he'd love to see who put down their pen when they made the apology. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and had comedian Lewis Black come in. Howard asked him if he's into that Van Halen kind of music. Lewis said that he likes show tunes. He said he can't believe that Howard watched the Tony's last night. Howard said they happened to be good. Lewis said he did theater for about 20 years and he tuned in last night and watched for like 30 seconds. Lewis said he just yelled ''Stop it!'' to the TV because they were basically telling America ''go away.''
Lewis said he wanted to be a playwright. He said he went to the theater and the light came on and he saw what was going on there. He said he produced and wrote like 40 plays. Howard asked if anyone has gone back and looked at those plays to put on Broadway. Lewis said he had a story about abuse that Howard would like. He said he's doing really well as a comic and the theaters started to get in touch with him to send the plays back. He said they turned them down again.
Howard said he made the right move becoming a comic. He said if he had stuck with that dream he wouldn't be able to buy a house. Lewis said it would be like personally raping himself. He said he didn't get into comedy until he was like 40. He said he was in a dream world up until then.
Howard asked if he's bitter at all like Rodney Dangerfield was. Lewis said he's happy doing what he's doing. He said he was really broke before that but now he's doing okay. Lewis said he had a play that was optioned for Broadway for 7 years. He said they gave him $2,500 for this play but it kept getting turned down. He said it went to everyone and got turned down.
Howard asked Lewis if his parents were disappointed in him. Lewis said they were actually very supportive. He said his brother was supporting his habit because he was successful and he'd loan him money.
Lewis said his mom would tell him to marry a doctor if he wasn't going to be one himself. He said she would tell him to go into the medical business in some way. He said she was upset about what he was doing but she'd also defend him when her friends would bad mouth him.
Lewis told Howard he was doing comedy on the side like a hobby and that was even more insane than just going into the business. He said that breaking through that thing where he got to do shows in theaters instead of club was the big break for him.
Lewis said he does like 150 days a year. He said he goes away for like 3 days a week. He's home the rest of the time. Lewis said he'd like to be doing other things out there but he's got managers and agents who are all there for him.
Howard asked about appearing on Comedy Central and how that helped. Lewis said he ended up doing theaters after doing that. He said that they were doing theaters and he loved it. He had a tour bus that he got set up and it was pretty cool. He said he had everything on the tour bus so he's got it made. He said he doesn't own the bus but it's set up for him. Howard asked if he takes a dump on that bus. Lewis said he does but he's not sure who cleans that out. He doesn't want to know.
Lewis said that he's not alone on the bus. He has an agent and a merch person by the name of Lenny Hughes. He said that the guy worked with Howard years ago. Lenny said he sells T-shirts, posters, DVDs and other stuff at the events. He said that they have a lot of overweight women buying that stuff.
Howard asked Lewis about writing jokes and how he keeps topical when he does that. Lewis said it's very easy to open the paper and see a story about a 16 year old girl sailing around the world on her own. He said the first thing that pops to mind is ''who gives a shit?'' but then he can write jokes about the whole thing.
Howard said that it doesn't always work out for people when they get into this business but it worked out for Lewis. Howard asked Lewis about the BP oil spill and what he thinks about that. Howard said he's really angry about it. Lewis said that you go through Haiti and then go through this and Haiti you can rebuild but this is a real mess.
Howard talked to Lewis about this oil spill thing and how they're blaming a bunch of people for what happened. Howard asked who is the person they should be blaming. Lewis said he heard the Dick Cheney thing about the $400,000 piece of equipment that should have been put on but wasn't. He said he read that Haliburton was involved with the concrete cap they put on this thing too and that failed. Lewis said that it seems like they bought up all of the concrete companies and they're the only one left. They talked about how Haliburton seems to like fucking people over all over the place.
Lewis said that the one thing is that we learn things ''after'' and not before stuff happens. Lewis said that after the bridge collapse in St. Louis everyone was checking their bridges the next day. Howard asked if something good will come out of this. Lewis said he's not sure and he's still waiting to see if we ever learn a lesson.
Lewis said that BP is above the law and they act like their own country. He said that we should invade them and take over their building. He said they should grab every dime they have and use it to stop this leak. He said they're attacking us with oil every day and they don't even know how much it is.
Howard asked Lewis about how their generation has been very selfish and how they haven't done anything great with this country. Howard said he dreamed about people from their generation getting into power and making changes. All they've done so far is fuck things up.
Howard said nothing is stable right now and it's almost like we should be invaded. Lewis said it is shocking how screwed up things are right now. He said they haven't even legalized marijuana yet. that should have happened by now. Lewis doesn't even smoke pot now. He said he smoked until he was 25 but it stopped working after that so he gave up.
Howard asked Lewis what this Tea Party thing is. Lewis said he was dreaming of a third party but they're just as insane as the other two. He said they're pushing the republican party and they make shit up. He said that they can't be about that. Howard said they need a fourth party if that's what the Tea Party is all about. Lewis said that everyone screams about how they want less regulation but then when something happens they ask where the government is. He said you can't have it both ways you dicks. Lewis said that we've flipped out completely.
Howard brought up the Helen Thomas story too. Lewis said that she's 89 years old so she doesn't know what she's saying. He said his mother is 91 and she doesn't know what she's saying either. He said they were out in Las Vegas and she said to him out of the blue that he and his brother weren't her idea. She didn't want to have children. It was all his father's idea. Lewis said she looked at him sand said that's probably not something you say to your child. He said you just stop regulating what you say when you get up to that age. That's probably what happened with Helen Thomas. Howard said that it's your ''I hate Jews'' filter that breaks when you get that old.
Howard heard that Lewis' TV special aired the other night but now they're selling his DVD. Lewis said they had 42 minutes of an 80 minute concert so they're selling the DVD. He said they also have a 70 minute documentary. You can get the DVD ''Lewis Black: Stark Raving Black'' tomorrow. He's also going to be doing a DVD signing. Lewis said the last time he did that he had 8 people show up. Lewis said he was wondering what the hell he was doing back then. When he signs books the people come out. He said the DVD may actually sell so he might have people showing up to buy that.
Lewis said he's working on a play now and when that's worked out he'll come back on the show. Lewis said that they won't do his plays but he's got his third book coming out in November.
Howard talked to Lewis about how people say that 60 is the new 40. Lewis said you know that's bullshit. He said that there are people who say they feel better at 60 than they ever have in their life. He said that's bullshit too. You know they're lying about that and there is no way they feel that good.
Howard asked Lewis about these guys who treat him like crap in the business. Lewis said there are guys who work really hard to get to where they are. He said he remembers Larry the Cable Guy when he was Daniel Lawrence Whitney and opening for him with a horrific act. He said he's made it now but he's doing well with a horrific act. He said you can't piss on guys who have worked so hard to get there though.
Lewis told Howard about doing a show at Bonaroo and getting hit in the head with a bottle. He said he doesn't care if he gets hit but he told the audience that they can't be doing that when they do that to the talented people. He said the thing that really pisses him off is that he looks like he's mid-term pregnant in the video of that event.
Howard asked Lewis if he gets upset about people stealing his material. Lewis said he does all of his stuff up on stage and doesn't write it down. He said Howard has to know how that works because he can't write this shit down. Howard said that's true. He doesn't write it down. Lewis said he just shapes it all when he's on stage. Lewis said he did his stand-up special in August and he just takes pieces out and puts new stuff in. He said he works on new stuff all the time.
Howard asked how Jon Stewart worked him into the show. Lewis said that he was there at Comedy Central before Jon was even there. He said they started the show before Jon came around.
Lewis told Howard that he's had a lot of deals over at Comedy Central. He said he had one development deal with David Kelly. He said that he got the call about this pilot that they were working on. He said he didn't believe it. He said he figured they were just making it up. Lewis said he found out it was true and he got the script and it was great. Lewis said they flew him out to have a conversation and David said he didn't have the clout he used to have. Lewis said he left and the next day the Leno and Conan thing exploded and NBC had a bidding war with FOX. He was ready to cock the gun at that time. He said that everyone knew that the Leno and Conan thing was a mistake. He said they gave $39 million to Conan.
Lewis said he was asking for x-amount of money and the show was totally written because of him and built around him. Lewis said that he was going to be in this show and he was going to have to do a ton of work if they picked it up. He said they asked for some money and what he wanted and didn't want to negotiate. He said they offered him half of what he wanted. Lewis said they kept going back and forth and wanted him go to go NBC to have a meeting. He said that he had the whole week to think about it.
Lewis said he told them that they knew what he wanted and he wasn't going to take the deal. Lewis said he didn't want to be treated like that and told David about that. Lewis said that he went out and worked with David to see what it would be like and that was as good as it was going to be. He said that it could only get worse. Lewis said now there's no show. He said David didn't have the clout to get this one actress that he wanted. He said that David was a gentleman about the whole thing. He said that they had that one great day and that was fine with him. He said maybe they'll work on something else some day.
Lewis said that he had already cut in half what he wanted before the network cut it in half again. He said they say that the money isn't what it used to be but NBC just gave Conan $39 million to get rid of him. They could have waited a little while before they started lying to him.
Lewis said that they cast Cathy Bates in this show. He said they wanted a star on the show and he isn't quite there yet. He said they actually went with her and they're going to produce the show with her now.
Howard gave Lewis some more plugs for the DVD and the signing he's doing. Howard talked to Lewis about the Leno and Conan thing. Lewis said that Jay kind of screwed himself by taking that 10 o'clock gig. Howard said he should have gone to another network.
Lewis said that he had a piece that went viral on the internet. He said he did a Glenn Beck thing and he could feel the difference out in the world when that video went viral. He said that he did this bit where he talked about Glenn's Nazi Tourettes. Howard said he watches his show a lot but he's almost doing a history class according to Glenn Beck. He said that everything is Nazi though so he sees what he's talking about. Howard wrapped up with Lewis and gave him some more plugs before going to break.
Howard came back and said he was thinking about Mel and how he had to think about not being too positive in that interview. He said Mel is running the company and he doesn't want it going to his head. Howard said he gets why he would do that. Howard said that's like this guy Darrell Reves who gets talked up as being the best cornerback out there. He said he's got such a swollen head that he thinks he's worth even more. Howard said that's what Mel has to be careful with. He has to put in something negative about him.
Howard replayed some of the audio of Mel talking about him on CNBC. Howard said he wouldn't be doing his job if he didn't knock him a little bit. Howard said Mel has to keep him in his place. He hopes Mel isn't losing his mind going around saying nice things about him.
Howard said he might walk in there like he's worth something when they negotiate with him. He said he might start thinking he's worth 5 million a day.
Howard said he should get to the news. The show went by very fast today. He had other clips to play. He said he already played that Meredith Viera apology. He said he'd love to know who they're apologizing to. He imagined what it would be like for them since he had to deal with that crap when he was on terrestrial with people sending in complaints about his show. Howard said there were guys who would get on the news and get attention so they'd get even worse.
Howard said the FCC was busy dealing with the complaints against his show and not spending time with more important stuff. Howard said he was watching 60 Minutes and they had a guy who was talking about how terrorists can attack our country over computers. They've stolen money already and they're already stealing stuff and possibly doing espionage with their computers and stuff. Howard said that the FCC is busy with cursing while all of this other stuff is going on.
Howard said he guesses that everything in Chicago has been fixed if they can give that kind of money to a hall of fame like that. He said if he lived there he'd be outraged and out in the streets protesting. Howard said it's no wonder people are outraged with their government. Howard said the Radio Hall of Fame should be a private concern. Howard said anyone in Illinois can be outraged since that money is coming out of state taxes. Howard said he should end the show right now.
Steve said that High Pitch Eric left them a message saying that someone claimed they worked for the CIA and they would break his legs if he ever called this woman Angel again.
Steve said they have a story about JD getting bad mouthed by some interns who said he has to stop eating because he's starting to look like a pot bellied pig. Howard said JD is a good sport about that stuff. JD came in and said that they do an F, Marry Kill thing with him, Benjy and Jason every semester and he's the one that gets ''killed'' every time. Howard said he can't believe the girls would rather have Jason over JD. JD just laughed.
Howard asked Robin if she would rather have Benjy or JD. Robin said JD is better looking. Robin said that JD looks good with the hair cut and the clean shave. Benjy said he doesn't believe that. Robin said she would rather sleep with JD over Benjy. Howard said maybe it's his personality. JD said it might be because he doesn't talk to the girls.
Steve got in some plugs for tonight's John the Stutterer show and Greg Fitzsimmons show that are on at 7 and Midnight respectively.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the subjects he had for today's show. They spent a few minutes talking about the Adam Curry call today. Howard said they'd have to sell a lot of podcasts to afford that $100 million they offered him. He said he's feeling like he's getting a bit head after all of the nice talk. Howard said they offered him the $100 million and Mel is saying nice things. Howard said that Mel was much better at talking down to him at K-Rock. He said he would tell him that no one would advertise on this show back there.
Robin got to her news and started off with some Tony Awards news. She had a few various stories about the plays that won and said that David Bryan may not be happy about one of the headlines in the paper today because they called his play ''lame.''
Robin read about how some movies are going to be coming out in theaters and at home the same day. Howard said he did that with the movie Odine. He wishes he hadn't seen it but it was a good idea to release them at the same time. Robin said that there are a lot of movies that come up on the cable system or on Netflix so it is kind of cool to see the offbeat movies that people may not see. Howard said he wouldn't go to the theater if he could get it at home.
Robin read about how Jenny McCarthy just signed a deal with Oprah to do some kind of show. Robin said that probably means she won't be coming back on this show. Robin read about some other shows that Oprah is developing with a bunch of other people.
Robin read about how David Carradine's final movie is finally coming out. It's called ''Dino Croc vs. Super Gator.'' Howard said it's no wonder he killed himself. Robin had some details from Roger Corman about what David was like to work with. They also talked about how Carradine may have died during auto erotic asphyxiation. Howard said he thinks that sex is fun enough and you don't need to do that kind of thing.
Robin read some news about the World Cup Soccer nonsense. Robin said she was watching some of the games and the people she was with were sleeping. Robin said the people there play horns constantly. She had some audio of that so Howard said they're probably blowing them to keep people awake at the games. Robin said they're trying to get the horns banned because they're so annoying.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that in the movie Private Parts you can see Howard's penis move and he's never heard him talk about that. Howard said ''No!'' like he had never heard that. Howard told the guy that they wrote that scene and they put a device in his pants to make it move. Howard said it was a prosthetic device. The caller refused to believe that. Howard said it was a metal device that made a boner in his pants. It wasn't real.
Robin said that Bill Gates is saying there is plenty of room in the computer industry to have two companies like Apple and Microsoft. She had some audio of Bill talking about that. Bill said he likes what Steve is doing and as a board member he sees a lot of great things going on. Howard said Bill should get off his ass and start innovating since that's what Steve Jobs is doing.
Robin read a story about this politician that had commented on the hair of another politician's hair and had to apologize for that. She had some audio of that apology and explanation.
Howard said there was another politician who may have been elected by mistake. Gary said the guy is homeless and he had a charge against him for trying to give a college student some sexual material and he's been asked if he's mentally ill or high during his interviews. He said the guy comes across as being really wacky in interviews. Gary said there are a bunch of wild interviews with him and he has to stick with this clip that he has.
Howard played the audio of this guy Alvin Green being interviewed and the guy sounded like he was out of it and not used to being interviewed. He was being asked about the campaign and how he raised the money to get into it. They can't figure out how he got funded so some people think he was funded by the republicans. The guy claims that it was his own money though. He was denying that he had started a web site that they asked about. He was asked about a charge he had against him but he refused to speak about that. He was also asked if he was planted by the republicans. Green said that he is a supporter of the democrats and he will always be.
Howard said it sounds like a good interview. He said they're saying that the whole thing is weird. Howard said it did sound weird to him too.
Robin read about a flash flood in an Arkansas campground and a bunch of people died. Robin said the death toll was up to 19 as of yesterday and one person is still missing. Robin had some audio of someone speaking about the camp sites and how they're going to think about changing the way things work so they have someone awake at all times. Robin read about how quickly the water rose and said that it may have gone up by 8 feet an hour at one point.
Robin read a story about a guy who shot his father after he told him to. She had another story about a teacher who was fired after she got pregnant out of wedlock.
Howard said he hopes that Bam Margera is okay. Howard said he saw that he got hit in the head with a baseball bat at his bar. Howard read about that but there weren't any details about how he's doing. Howard said that the woman was arrested. He said she was 59 years old. Howard said a baseball bat to the head isn't easy to survive. Robin said he was on Jackass though so maybe he'll be okay.
Robin read a story about a woman who was breast feeding at a baseball game and they gave her a hard time about breast feeding so she had to go to the bathroom to do it. Robin said the ushers say that she went to a closed off row of seats to feed, that's why she was asked to move. Howard said he thinks that people are upset with that because it reminds us how closely related to the animal kingdom we are.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Robin seemed very tickled with Lewis Black and she wondered if she was attracted to him. Robin said he is very funny. Howard said he felt there was a sexual attraction to him. The caller said she thinks that Howard sounded very taken with him today. Robin said she liked him because he was funny but she's not in love with him. She said she loves his mind.
Robin said the President is going to address the country over this oil spill. Howard said it is the government's responsibility but people expected him to come in and walk on water. Howard said he can't do that but he has to take care of this oil spill.
Robin read some news about how there may be problems with suntan lotion causing cancer. Robins said the FDA is looking into it but they haven't released any warnings yet. Howard said this stuff is supposed to prevent cancer but it may be causing cancer. Howard said that would be like them finding out that toothpaste causes cancer or condoms cause pregnancy. Howard said he knew that there was something with that suntan lotion. Howard said his face used to break out from that stuff. He knew something was up.
Ralph called in and said that Robin was wrong about the President not being part of this oil spill. He said he should be out there doing something and he's doing nothing. Robin said that he has an impression that he's doing nothing but they don't see everything that they're doing. Ralph said this is like 9/11 and they have to be out there doing something. He said that Bush was right out there after 9/11. Howard said he was out reading to kids that day. Ralph said he went right down to Ground Zero not long after. Howard said he agrees that he should be out there doing something.
Robin said they're saying that blood pressure pills may cause cancer too. Howard said the suntan lotion thing is another thing the president should be talking about. He said he can't get over this suntan lotion thing either.
Robin read about the Karate Kid being number one at the box office. Howard said he hates that the Smith family is so successful. He said that kid doesn't need success. He said he's happy for Will Smith being successful but does his kid really have to have success?
Robin had some audio clips from the guys in the A-Team movie. Howard played some of those. Robin read about Christina Aguilera coming out and saying that she's sometimes attracted to women. Howard said he likes that and his dream of lesbians everywhere is coming true. They wrapped up and ended the show a short time later, right around 10:45am.
Jon wanted to start off talking about the ants that Howard found on his paper and how he blamed JD for that. JD said that's because he eats in his office. Everyone else does too though. JD said he hasn't seen any ants in there. He said that Richard and Sal have seen cockroaches in their office. They travel through the vents.
Gary said he knew that something was up when he saw Howard standing there with his paper. He said he threw that out outside of the compound. He said it messes with everything when something like that happens. JD said he might even have a hard time meditating thinking about the ants back in his office. That led to Jon playing a clip of Howard talking about the ants and blaming JD for it.
Jon asked JD what he was trying to say about the ants and the closed door. JD said Howard is hardly in his office. He said he's in there for a total of 2 hours during the whole week. He said he didn't know what closing the door would do.
JD said it's not his fault that the ants got into Howard's office. He said he was just trying to deflect with that comment. He said he doesn't think before he speaks sometimes.
JD said he can't just do nothing after something like that. He said he tried to rectify it by cleaning off his tray that he eats off of and threw his trash out in the kitchen. He said he did what he could to clean up.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he owns a pest control company and the biggest myth is that in an office building is eating at your desk causes ants to come. He said that they do plenty of brand new buildings that have ant issues. It's not always the food that brings them. He said the ants can end up in there even if there is no food there for them to eat. He said they chemically mark the area for other ants. The guy said that even if they get rid of the food they could still have an issue there.
The caller was also saying that they had an intern there by the name of Mike who played in a band and wondered if Gary remembered the guy. Gary remembered the name but not the guy. The caller asked if Howard decided to retire, has Ronnie ever been offered any security jobs and if he would be hired. Gary said he does have a resume of security jobs there for 15 years so he could probably get a job.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked JD if he has to record shows that he really can't stand. JD said there isn't anything he's forced to record. Gary asked what the most difficult show is to watch. JD said that he does a lot of fast forwarding so he doesn't have to watch a lot of stuff. He said that it depends on the guests on shows like Oprah's show. He said that Julia Roberts on Oprah wasn't fun to listen to.
Ralph called in and said that the caller earlier was a dummy and ants are attracted to food. They're on the 36th floor there and he doesn't have any ants in his apartment. He said you have to be careful with the kind of food you drop on the floor. Gary said that food does attract ants. JD said he doesn't have any food in his office though. He had wrappers. JD said he doesn't eat greasy food every day either.
Ralph said Howard's office is attached to JD's so the ants could go right through. JD said that there are no ants in his office. Ralph said that JD isn't the only one who could case problems. He said that if there are ants up there they could have a lot of food around the whole building.
The guys saw Kristin Chenoweth out in the hall but she wasn't coming in there. Jim McClure said he asked her people if she could come in there but they said no.
Gary told Ralph that he ordered an iPad on Saturday. Ralph said that he told Gary he's not allowed to have one yet. He said he bad mouthed him about it. Ralph said that they all come around eventually. He mentioned Jon and Howard as getting them but they were both gifts. Jon said Ralph knew it was a gift. Ralph said he's a leader and he was the one that got everyone else to get them.
Ronnie came in so the guys talked to him about the security job question from that caller earlier. Ronnie said he's got about 15 years of experience now. He was being very serious so JD was laughing at him. Jon asked if Ronnie would be willing to work for anyone else. Ronnie said he would work for Cher. Ronnie didn't seem interested in talking about that.
Jon asked Ronnie about JD's office and what he thinks about the ant thing. Ronnie said he would clean that whole thing out. He said that room is a pig sty. He said he's got stuff piled everywhere and he's got garbage on the floor and food all over. He said he's walked by and told him it stinks in there.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked JD why he doesn't stick with is theories and lets the guys knock him down. JD said they convinced him that he was wrong so he just went with it. JD said he thought he was sticking with this theory about the wind going into a door. JD said he had said that he's not sure about the size of the space between the door and the floor in Howard's office. He said maybe he has one of those breeze stopper things and that would keep the ants out. Ronnie laughed and asked if he's some kind of jerk. He said they can get through anything. JD said he didn't think that far ahead. Ronnie said the ants can come out of a wall. The caller said he's never seen that. Ronnie said there are ants that eat wood. The caller said they're called termites.
Jon asked where the newspaper came from. Ronnie said that's the one that's delivered to Howard's house. JD said they have to stop pointing fingers at him. He said the ants could have come from his home. The caller said that they don't deliver the NY Post until after 5 in the morning and that's ridiculous.
JD said they've been there since 2006 and the ants didn't just show up all of a sudden. He said that they didn't come from him.
Another caller asked Ronnie if he would present himself as being full on Italian to someone to get the job. Ronnie played along with the guy and said he would do whatever he had to do to get that job.
The caller was also asking about Benjy and how Howard seems to be bringing him up to get away from other subjects like Artie and Robin. Gary said that Howard just talks about Benjy when Benjy shows up late.
Ronnie said that Benjy is wandering the halls and he's not sure where to put himself after the show now. He said he showed up at like 5:40 this morning. Gary said Benjy asked him how his weekend was this morning and he told him that they'll be great friends if that keeps up. Gary said he doesn't think it'll keep up for long. He said Benjy will start coming in late again eventually.
The caller had some odd sounds behind him so the guys wondered what was going on. The guy said the computer in his truck talks to him and that's what they were hearing. Gary said he didn't think the whole Green Day American Idiot album was all that great. He said he's not sure why they made a play out of that record. He said that he didn't know every word of the album so he didn't get the whole play.
Jon moved on to talk about the Tony Awards and how much it's changed over the past couple of years. Gary said that they get no ratings so they had to change. Jon said he'd like to see the numbers for last night's show. Gary said Howard mentioned that Vinnie Favale (HereafterMusical.com) could end up getting some awards up there. Gary said he would probably cry. Jon said he'd love to hear that speech.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he loves the sound effects that Fred plays and he'd love to hear a whole show of how they got the clips and where they came from. Gary said they could probably do that or do it on the show with Howard.
The caller said that he would love to get JD to record voices for his GPS. JD said he would do that for a million dollars. Jon asked if he would like to have Ronnie's voice too. He said that would work but Ronnie would just ask ''What's your problem? Why didn't you make that turn?''
Another caller asked Ronnie if he would sleep all day like he does there at the Stern Show. Ronnie told him to take his key out of the ignition so they didn't hear his beeping sound. Gary said they get that at least one time a week there.
The caller asked again if Ronnie would be professional at another job. Ronnie said he would try to be cool like he does there. The caller said Ronnie is ridiculous. Ronnie just okay'd the guy and said ''what can I do?''
Another caller said that the Wrap up Show is much better without Benjy. Gary disagreed but said that JD is doing a great job today. The caller said he likes not getting caught up with Benjy's vortex. Jon said that only happens occasionally. The caller said it happens like twice per show. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said that Adam is a big fan of Howard's and he's such a superfan of the show that he didn't want to bother Howard at the MTV awards one year and the next morning he tuned in and heard Howard bashing him. That's what they were laughing about today.
Gary said that not many VJs have gone on to other things and had success like Adam has. They tried to come up with some names. They were going over some of the people who had worked there. Gary said they also had a special on MTV one time about people who didn't get the VJ jobs there but went on to have success. Gary was one of them. He said that Rosie O'Donnell was another one who auditioned but didn't get the job.
Jon asked Teddy to play the clip of Adam offering Howard the $100 million from his company if he came there to work.
Gary wondered how people would call into a podcast. Gary said if you can't call into a show like that then it's something missing from the show. Steve Brandano said that Adam Carolla takes Skype calls to talk to his fans. He said they do call in to ask questions with the guest.
Jon asked the guys about what Howard was saying about Mel today too. He was talking about how Mel wasn't talking Howard up that much.
Jon took a call from a guy who had a really bad phone connection. Then Cyrus from Philly had a bad one too. Jon said it might be on their end. It was. The next caller sounded just as bad.
Gary ended up talking about seeing a baseball game up in Boston over the weekend and it was great. He said that he saw a guy who went up to his first at bat and hit a grand slam.
Richard came in and said that Lewis has it made with those commercials he does. He said he must be doing good from those. Jon said that they were talking about the ants earlier and they have to talk to Richard about that. Richard said that they have bugs in the hallways and Kevin Kraft ate one that they found in the bullpen one day. Sal lassoed a cockroach one day out in the hall. Sal said he had tapped it with his foot to knock it out.
Richard said he hates cockroaches because he had some incidents with them when he was living in the storage unit in Florida. Richard said he had one run over his face and it freaked him out. He said he had another time when he'd put his towel on the floor and it was wet. He said he had fire ants biting him on the face because they were all over his towel. He said that the towel was probably laying there for a couple of weeks and the ants must have made it their home.
Sal said you can have fun with flies too. He said you catch a fly, put it in the freezer and then tie a string to it so it flies around with the string attached. Gary asked how he figured out how to do that. Sal said he had a guy tell him how to do that stuff. He said you can fly the fly around with the string. He said you tie it around the leg and it can fly. That's what he did with the cockroach.
Richard said he has freaked out with bugs there too. He said he screamed like a girl when he had the roach on his back.
Gary said that he always handled the bug things there but KC Armstrong used to be terrified of them. He said he and KC would have to help each other out with various things on the show. Sal said that he doesn't blame JD for the ant thing.
Jon got back to the Lewis Black thing and asked Richard and Sal what they think about that. They said they admire him for liking what he does. They know how tough it can be out on the road. Richard said that he's going to be going out on the road with his band, Charred Walls of the Dammed, in July. He said that they'll be out with Don Jamieson for two weeks in July. they're only doing 9 shows but it'll be fun. Richard said they'll have some fun like he did when he was young.
The guys talked about Lewis liking being out on the road and how some other comedians like Seinfeld and Leno still go out doing it too. Sal said he thinks that everyone likes to do it for the money and a piece of ass. He said that's what most guys are out there doing it for. He said that's why most of these guys drink and blow their brains out.
Jon asked Sal why he does it. Sal said he does it for the money. He said he likes what he does but it's grueling. He said that's why everyone is blown away by Lewis Black being that into it.
Jon said he can't see Richard getting worked up about being out on the road. Richard said the worst part was flying. He said that he'd have to get smashed to do those shows. He said that they had to do it when they needed the money but now they can relax and not go out and do it so much now.
Sal said that last year they were doing a lot of shows. They were doing 4-6 shows a month. Richard said they're thinking about doing it again because they do have fun. Shuli came in and said that he's sure they can sell a lot of tickets saying that they're only doing it for the money. Sal said he doesn't hate it. He's just stressed out over it. He said he does love what he does but there is a lot of stress and that's why so many comedians hate it.
Jon brought up the Steve Grillo benefit show. Shuli said that one of the guys that was there as one of his buddies so he counts for one of the 29 that showed up. Gary said that this is just a mere roadblock in Grillo's career. That's what he's going to look at it as.
Jon asked the guys if they think anything will stop Grillo at this point. Sal said no. He said that Lewis Black didn't start until he was 40 so maybe Grillo will get started when he's 40. He's like the energizer bunny.
Shuli said there were probably people that told Sal to stop with what he was doing with the Stern Show before he was working with them. Sal said that his cousin Dino used to do that. He'd tell him to stop wasting his time with that.
Jon asked Richard how his family was with the stuff he was doing with Howard. Richard said they loved it and they were excited for him. He said he didn't quit his day job though. He said he thinks Steve should go back to doing electrical work. He said he could continue to do the acting thing if he wants. He doesn't need to kill that dream. Gary asked if Richard would tell his family what the songs were about when he was writing them about KC. Richard said he would tell them the titles and they would laugh. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about this guy down in South Carolina who ran for senate. He said the guy won the Democratic nomination with 59 percent of the vote. He said some people think it's Al Green because his name is Alvin Green. Howard said he loves the interviews the guy is doing and he may be mentally impaired. He said they think he might be retarded. He was homeless but he's living with his parents now. Howard said the guy is a funny interview. He seems like he's a young guy too. Howard said they asked for a picture of him but he ended up bringing out a pair of his baby shoes.
Howard said this is his new favorite guy. He played a clip from an interview where he was being asked about his experience and who he's met with. He talked about going around the state and meeting with people and the reporter is just busting his balls. Howard said the guy did win the nomination so they're treating him kind of poorly for someone like that.
Howard played another clip where the Green was asked about how his family has supported him and he said they're supporting him and telling him to stay concentrated on the issue. Robin said they're not even sure what the issue is.
Green was asked if he has a vehicle. He said he does have his own vehicle and it's an '03. It wasn't clear why the reporter asked about that.
Howard played a CNN interview where Green was told about some stuff some people said about him and Green just said that he says the same back to them. Green said that those people are the knuckleheads, not him. Green was asked if he was going to back out. Green said he will not and he believes he's the best man for the job.
Howard said he'd be upset if they were asking him questions like this. Gary said he heard from DePace that the guy had to read his answers off of a piece of paper when he was asked who he was running against.
Howard played another clip of Green being asked if he was mentally sound and physically sound. Green said he was okay. The reporter said if he was impaired he should tell them. Green said he's fine. Howard said the reporter is doing a bad job there. He said he's not asking direct questions.
Howard took a call from a guy who said down there in South Carolina they're looking really good on the political trail. Howard said that they should have some kind of debates or something to expose guys like this. The caller said they think that the republicans may have something to do with this. He said they seem to be trying to get rid of someone who is in there now and this is their way of doing it.
The caller asked if he has seen this guy. The caller said he looks like he's really out there. Howard said he has seen him. Howard said he has to read more about him because he's not sure how this whole thing went down. He said he'd like to know more.
Howard said they can't blame the republicans for actually getting the guy nominated because the voters had to vote for him. Howard said he's not sure why anyone would vote for someone thinking he was Al Green either. Gary said he heard he was first on the ballot because his name was Alvin. Howard said this is a wild story and he'd like to know how it all happened.
Howard asked the caller if he had even heard of this guy before this. The caller said he hadn't. He said it was after the story broke before he heard about it.
Howard said he really has to find out more about this whole thing. Gary told Howard there's an article in the NY Times about it and they say that even in his own home town they don't know who the guy is. Howard said this is a pretty important thing to a state and you'd think that someone would know. Howard said he's not sure what that is.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he had seen Natalie Maines new hair cut. Howard said he had dinner with her last night so he did see it. The caller said she's looking like Lenny Dykstra. Howard said it is very short but she carries it off. He said she looks good. Howard said it's like a crew cut. He said she was giving herself a hair cut one day and just cut it all off. Howard said he could never do that with the face he has. Howard said Natalie has a great face so she can get away with it.
The caller said he saw The Bleeding Deacons show the other night and they were great. He said the whole show was awesome. Howard said they were over at BB Kings and he heard there weren't that many people there. Howard said he heard there were like 30 people there. Robin thought he was confusing that with Grillo's 30 people but Howard said he wasn't.
Howard took another call from a guy who said Jillian Barberie's husband got beat by some guy who had never shot a gun when they went to a shooting range. Howard said he saw that episode of the show and it was kind of like that time Stuttering John went golfing with Tom Chiusano and beat Tom.
Howard said that Ralph was over at his house yesterday and he smelled like garlic. Howard said his whole body smells like garlic. He wanted to tell him he smells like garlic but didn't do it. Howard said he's not comfortable saying stuff like that. He said he likes Ralph but he's got that weird smell. Howard said Ralph told him he had a scratchy throat yesterday too so he told him not to come around if that's the case.
Howard said he felt bad for the guy because he is limited. Howard said everyone is just goofing on him. He said they don't even let the guy answer questions.
Howard played another clip where Green was asked if he knows who he's running against and Green had to read it off a piece of paper. Howard said they should ask him what 5x7 is. He said he'd love to conduct the debate right here too.
Howard said they have the 600 pound woman coming in today. She's a woman who is trying to get up to 1000 pounds. He said her health is affected and she's diabetic and people are against her getting up to 1000 pounds. Howard said Ronnie was checking it out to figure out how much capacity the elevator can hold. Howard said they may have to have her come up in the freight elevator. Howard said Omarosa is also coming in today. He said people still seem interested in her.
The caller said they should talk to Ben Stern about the oil spill. Howard said he might have to do that but he doesn't want to wake them up. Howard told Gary to try them later on. He said they might be doing Transcendental Meditation around that time. He said they have to figure out their schedule.
The caller also told Howard about the name that they weren't able to come up with yesterday while they were talking about Haliburton. He said it was Blackwater that they were trying to think of. Howard said that's right. He let the caller go after that.
Howard said he was watching Bill Maher's show last night and Oliver Stone came on and ruined the whole show. Howard said the guy can't be interviewed. He said he starts to talk and you have no idea what he's saying. Howard said you could tell Bill was upset that he had the guy on. Howard said they had that Rachel Maddow on too and she was pretty good. Howard said she had big, blue glasses on and she looked kind of like Jay Thomas. He said they could be brothers.
Howard said Bill was being real cool about the BP oil spill. Howard said Oliver Stone came out and tried to make points where he would never make a point. He said he was like this guy Alvin Green. Howard said he went to a party years ago and saw Oliver Stone at a party and he remembers thinking it was a big deal. Now he sees that the guy makes no sense. He wasn't sure he should even play the audio clips because they'd be so boring.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he didn't want to talk about what he had been asked about. The guy said he wanted to ask them to stop talking about American Idol. Howard said it's over now but he's going to talk about it if it's part of pop culture.
Howard said they're still talking about him being a judge on that show. Howard said people argue over it and he thinks that they're jealous of him. He said he'd be good at anything. Howard said he's good at anything in show business. He said he's good when he does Letterman or when he did Leno. He said he was great when they had their Saturday night TV show. He made a great movie too. He said he's great at whatever he does.
Howard played some of the clips that JD pulled where people were talking about Simon's possible replacement. Howard's name still comes up even though it's pretty clear he won't be taking over. Howard said there are like a million of these clips. He said some people get upset when they hear his name being mentioned.
Howard played another clip where they were talking about Adam Lampert replacing Simon. One of the guys threw Howard's name out there and then someone said Whitney Houston.
In another clip they threw out Bret Michaels name. Howard said that guy is unstable. Howard said that anyone who listens to music could be a judge on that show. He said Ellen is horrible at what she does. He said she's not a good judge. Howard said no one is sitting there waiting to hear what she has to say.
Howard played another clip from Showbiz Tonight where they were talking to someone about the Idol judge replacement and Howard's name came up while talking about Bret Michaels.
Howard said he noticed that Pauly Shore has a lot of hair now and he was balding for awhile. He said that he appears to have had some kind of hair transplants or something. He said he must have gotten good ones because the hair looked natural. Howard said that John Travolta appears to have some kind of hair piece. He said you can see the webbing in the toupee in some pictures. He said there's a whole strategy for that. Howard said he should have asked Pauly but maybe he'd be offended. Howard said he used to wear the bandana like Bret Michaels does. Howard said maybe he's balding too.
Howard said the hair looks real to him but some guys with pieces don't look natural. He said you have to keep it short and not get a long wig.
Howard said the Howard TV guys are working on a new Jeff the Vomit Guy special and he saw some clips from it. He said Jeff has some pigeons living in his apartment. He said it's very strange. Howard said the guy has kind of trained them to interact with him. Robin said the pictures didn't look as bizarre as she thought they would. Howard said you have to see the video to get the full picture. They were showing some of it in the studio for Robin but Howard couldn't hear it.
Howard said Jeff has some odd stuff in that apartment too. He had a baby head and some other strange stuff. Doug told Howard the pigeons shit in the apartment and they just replace the carpet when it gets too full of shit. Howard wondered how they're trained. Doug sent Chris Costa in to talk about it since he shot this stuff.
Chris came in and said that the pigeons are wild and they shit all over the apartment. He has 10 cats in another room all alone. Chris said Jeff sleeps in the room with the pigeons and there is shit all over his pillow. He said they there are a few pigeons that come in there and the place is like a house of horrors.
Chris said they walked in the apartment and you feel like your lungs are collapsing. He said Jeff smells bad and the apartment smells bad. He said Jeff's shirt probably hadn't been washed in weeks. He said Jeff will save pigeons and bring them to the apartment. He said they weren't even able to see the cats. He said they saw one but not the other 10 that were locked in a room. He said the father was locked in another room too and the father apparently hates Jeff.
Howard asked why Jeff is allowed to live there. Chris said that the father hates him and calls him a piece of shit. Chris said that the show should air in about a month on Howard TV. Robin said she can't wait to see it.
Howard asked Chris how they know how the father feels. Chris said they hear him yelling at Jeff in the background. He said that he wouldn't come out when they were there. He did say hi to them but only because Jeff made him.
Howard asked how many hours they shot. Chris said they were there for like 2 or 2 and a half hours. He said they're going to follow him around the city too. He said he waits around the bars to see chicks come out and vomit. They're going to go out with him one night soon.
Howard said the guys are working on some really good projects over there at Howard TV. He said he doesn't mention it much though.
Eric said that he's got a job now. He's been opening pools and maintaining them through the summer. He said he's doing okay with that. Eric said he was able to not work for a few years but he had to start doing something else. He said he wants to get a real estate license or something too. He said he invested in a movie and that was a bad move. Eric said he won't get his money back from that investment. Howard said that's just a bad idea. Eric said he was high at the time so it was bad move.
Howard asked Eric how he made enough money that he didn't have to work. Eric said he was successful on Wall Street and he didn't spend his money. Eric said he had a few jobs here and there. He said he's partners with a guy now in Rockland County. He said that it's called Quality Pools. Eric said he'd like to do a dog walking service or something like that too. Howard said they make a lot of money just walking dogs. It might be a drag in the rain but it's no big deal.
Eric said he also did some volunteer work at a humane society place too. Howard said that's great and let Eric go a short time later.
Howard asked Benjy if he's getting up early so he can get in there. Benjy said he is getting up extra early. Howard said the only thing that matters is that he's there on time. The caller said he has a few alarms that go off to make sure he gets up.
Howard said he'd be fine with it if Benjy showed up late once in a while and didn't come running in at the last minute every day. Robin said that it was weird seeing him there this morning when she got there. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said he read that Piers Morgan is going to replace Larry King. He said CNN is denying it though. Robin wondered if CNN had made up their mind because Larry's ratings had been slumping. Howard said CNN didn't have much competition. He said he hasn't watched Larry much in the past few years.
Howard said Lisa G was coming in with her headlines. Lisa came in and said she just saw the 600 pound woman and it was hard to look at her. Howard said Lisa must look like a twig next to her.
Howard asked Lisa to do her news headlines. Lisa mentioned Howard as ''Howard Stern'' and Howard said people hate when she does that. Lisa dropped it and said Bam Margera is doing better after being hit in the head with a baseball bat. She talked about how Bam is in the middle of pressing charges against the woman who hit her and they have been in fights before. The woman says that the bar is too noisy and that's why they've fought. Howard said he got hit in the head with a pipe and survived it. Lisa said Bam has wondered what being hit in the head with a bat would be like and now he knows and hates that he found out. Lisa also gave an update about Bam being separated from his wife. They've been separated for 6 months now.
Lisa said that Nicole Bass is suing the WWE for an alleged incident that happened in 1999. Nicole claims she was hit on and someone grabbed her breast and she thinks that she was fired over that. Lisa said Nicole filed a similar case but it was dropped in 2003. Fred did his Nicole impression which is just a Herman Munster impression.
Lisa said that Eric the Midget is coming out against the TV show ''Half Pint Brawlers'' which airs on Spike TV. She said that he wants to manage a team and take them on. Howard said he heard that Eric called Robert Mills at ABC talking about wanting to manage this wrestler who is on the Bachelorette. Howard said the guy is a wrestler and Eric wants to manage the guy. Howard said Eric has no background in managing anyone.
Howard had Eric on the phone so he asked him why he called Mills and asked about that. Eric said they have to get this stuff straight. Eric said it was Robert who came up with the idea to manage the guy. Howard said the wrestler's name is Rated R. Eric said that he called Robert and it was his idea to manage the guy. Eric said he did call Robert to discuss other things.
Eric said he wanted to find out if there were any new things he could help him get. Eric said he wanted to be able to go to this year's all star game in Anaheim too. Howard asked if he was asking for free tickets to something. Eric said he was asking if he knew of any way he could go to the game. Howard said that's asking for free tickets. Howard said Eric was begging for free tickets.
Eric said that the show Hair is closing so he's not going to be able to see it if they don't do this IQ test. Gary said it's not his responsibility to fly Eric in for that. He said they were going to set up the IQ test in his area instead of flying him out there. Gary said he loves how he's angry with them about that. He said they don't have to fly the guy in. Howard said he did want Eric to come in to see the play though. Eric said there may be a national tour too so Howard said he'd look into that for him.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why the best they can do is book a fat chick and Omarosa for the show. Howard said he was interested in the guests. the caller said they should be getting people like Scarlett Johansson and people like that. Howard said they can't get guests like that because they don't want to do the show. Howard told the guy to stop listening. He said he really doesn't care if everyone stops listening at this point. He said they sound like mental patients calling in. Howard said they take what's offered to them. They can't just book people that don't want to do the show. Howard let Lisa G go after that.
Howard said that Donna gets paid to eat. There are guys who like to watch her eat so they pay to see that. Donna said some guys just want to see the fat rolls on her. She said that she's got it so she uses it.
Howard asked why she wants to get to 1000 pounds. Donna said the bigger you are the sexier you are in the world of fat chicks. She said that she wants to be up there for that. Robin asked if she's afraid of damaging her heart and things like that. Donna said she'll figure out ways to do things. She said that she won't be like those people who don't get out of their houses. She has people who want to help her out.
Howard said Bubba the Love Sponge got up to 400 pounds and had to have his girlfriend help wipe him. Howard asked Donna how she does that. She said she has big girl secrets. She said they have attachments to help reach back there. Howard said he wants that.
Donna said she gets that stuff at a site called Ample Stuff. She said that she also gets her clothes online from places that make clothes for fat people. Howard said Donna is actually engaged to a guy named Phillip. She said that he's into chicks who are 400 pounds or more.
Howard asked Donna if she feels sexual when she's that big. She said she feels even more sexual when she's that big because she has more being that big. Donna said that Phillip likes to do her like 4 times a week and he loves it. She said he loves her belly and likes the stretch marks and stuff. Donna said he likes the fat rolls and her stomach the way it looks.
Howard asked about the calorie intake she has. Donna said it can be up around 12,000 but sometimes it's just 3-4,000. She said that she's been moving around doing interviews lately too so she's using up a lot of that. Howard said he heard she has diabetes too. She said she has had it since she had her daughter. She said her brother had it and her grandmother had it too. She said it's hereditary and not because she's fat. Howard said it would be easier to deal with if she was thin though.
Howard asked how she pays for the food. She said she makes money from her web site and her boyfriend makes good money too. She said that she is in shorts and g-strings on her web site. She said she just eats and does funnel feeding and stuff like that for her fans. She said that there are people who are into that. She said that she'll be force fed and that's a dream to a lot of guys. She just goes along with it. She claims to have thousands of fans that pay to see this stuff on her web site.
Howard asked Donna about what she'd look like when she was thin. She said she was thin when she was a teen. She said she was one of the hot chicks but she was also a burn out. She said she never had trouble finding a man. He said she must have been a hot chick. He said he can see it in her face.
Howard asked if Donna has ever broken furniture. She said she did break a toilet once. She said it broke out of the wall and she ended up on the floor.
Howard asked where Donna lives. She said she lives in Old Bridge, New Jersey. She said she met her boyfriend in a chat room for big women. She said that her belly is one of the biggest on the internet which she's very proud of. Howard said he could see her vagina in one of the pictures they had of her. She said that it wasn't but Howard it sure looked like it to him.
Howard and Robin asked what she eats during the day. She talked about eating about six English muffins for breakfast with cream cheese on them. She talked about her lunches and dinners too. She said she's been fat pretty much all her life so it's good for her.
Howard asked how much her web site is. She said it's $14 a month. She said one guy gave her his credit card number so she could order food. She said that he told her if she doesn't order at least $100 worth of food he'd cut off the card.
Howard asked dif she's afraid that people will turn her into a recluse because of the comments they make about her. She said the worst comments are online from people who tell her she should die and things like that. It's just because she's fat.
Howard said a doctor offered her $50,000 to slim down. Donna said it was the cookie doctor and he upped it to $100,000 and she still didn't do it. She said that she didn't want to get that thin. She said she was at 300 pounds at one point and she wasn't able to get any lower. She said if she did get that low she'd go right back up the scale.
Howard had the guys bring in Phillip so he could ask him about Donna. Howard pointed out that he's a black guy. Howard asked if he was one of the guys who beat off to the fat chicks on the web. Phillip said he did explore the internet until he met Donna. He said it was all good. Howard said the thin chicks must get angry that he's into fat chicks like that.
Howard found out that Phillip had a nanny when he was a kid and she was a fat chick. Phillip said that what happens in your youth affects you in your adulthood. Howard asked if he thinks that it's weird that he's into fat chicks. Phillip said that it's not because everyone has their own fetishes and that's what's great about being able to find someone that satisfies that. Howard asked if he's afraid that he's going to lose her at a young age. He said that their concerns are just normal health concerns. Robin said that she's listening to her breathing now and it's very labored. Phillip said that's just because the microphone is so good. Robin said she can't hear him breathing though.
Phillip said that they're heading down this journey of 1000 pounds and they're just living their life to the fullest and to the best and they're not too worried about the consequences.
Howard asked Phillip about helping Donna bathe. Phillip does have to help her do that since she's so big. Howard also asked about the picture where they thought her vagina was showing. Phillip said that was just a fat roll. He said he has techniques for having sex with Donna and he has to turn her upside down. He said that they position her with her feet at the headboard and he gets on top of her to push off of the head board. Howard said he must have a big dick. He said he is nicely endowed. Donna confirmed that.
Will said there are guys out there who like to have chicks so fat that they can't move so they can't go anywhere. Howard said maybe Donna wants to be the baby so Phillip has to take care of her. Phillip said they are a perfect match actually.
Howard said there's a caller on the line who wants to have phone sex with Donna. It was audio clips of Wood Yee that Sal and Richard were playing. They had Wood Yee telling her to keep talking because he was about to cum. Donna said it was a nice day out and Wood Yee was about to finish. Howard let them play with that for a minute.
Howard took another call from a guy who said it seems that the guys who are around her just love her for the fetish and not for herself. She said that she should be living a life where she's a good example for her kids. He said she's not doing that now. the guy said that it's like a smoking parent telling their kids not to smoke. Donna said she doesn't want her daughter to be fat but she's not going to stop that. Phillip said they don't encourage kids to be fat but once they're 18 they encourage them to do whatever they want.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he works in the city at and she's going to have a lot of medical issues when she gets bigger. He said that she's going to be more inclined to have to deal with things like heart issues and things. He said that she's going to cause problems with her size when she has to get health care. He said there are facilities that wouldn't be able to accommodate her. Phillip said they have the best medical care in the United States. He said they had to have 30 people help her deliver their baby but they didn't brow beat her into losing weight before it happened.
Phillip was arguing that they can handle this stuff even though she is overweight. Robin said that there is something wrong when they need 30 people standing by to help deliver a baby. She was 532 pounds at the time of the birth.
Mariann from Brooklyn said that there is something very wrong here and she must be winking at Howard to intervene and help her. Howard asked if that's what's going on there. Donna said that's not what's going on. Howard asked how many tines a day she makes a doody. Donna said it's once or twice. Howard asked if Phillip has to wipe her. He said he doesn't have to do that.
Howard asked if Donna has ever been to a psychiatrist. She said she hasn't. Howard asked if it was true she broke the couch when she laid down on it. Donna gave him a ''ha ha, funny.''
Howard took some more phone calls and one guy said maybe she'll die young so someone can come in and take care of the kids. Wheels called in too and said that he knew it was going to be a black or Hispanic guy who was into the fat chick. He said that's what they're into. Phillip said that is true that there are a lot of black guys who are into fat chicks.
Howard asked Donna if he could snap his fingers and make her 130 pounds for the rest of her life, would she take that? Donna said she likes being different. She's not sure she would take that offer. Donna said that Phillip doesn't get to see chicks like her often so she's very unique to him. She said she's original and different. Howard said she could just wear weird hats like Lady Gaga.
Howard asked if her doodies are huge. Donna said she's not sure because she's never seen anyone else's. Howard asked if they're as big as a dog. Donna wasn't sure. Howard said they must be tremendous. Phillip asked if they could get serious for a moment. He said that fat discrimination is wrong. He said it's wrong that they treat fat women the way they do in this country.
Richard Christy came in and asked if they would ride the Sybian. Donna said she would probably break it. Richard said he was actually talking to Phillip.
Howard asked about what travel is like for her. She said she got stuck in a handicapped stall recently. She said she had to shove herself out.
Richard said JD loves huge asses. He asked if Donna would let JD spank her. Howard said she's engaged so she probably wouldn't do that. Richard said maybe she'd be okay with it if Phillip was.
Howard asked Phillip if he's made it with any thin women. He said he has but there is less to play with so he's not into that.
Howard took a call from Zolar who asked if he could put a cheese sandwich under one of her folds and melt it until it was ready to eat. He also asked if Phillip should be arrested for encouraging this. Howard said you would think that you'd put your own needs aside and be concerned for her health. Phillip said he's got a fetish and every man has one. Howard said he doesn't have one. Phillip said he should find one. Fred said he doesn't have one either and he doesn't need excess flesh like that. Howard said he is into models so maybe he does have a fetish for models. Howard wrapped up and gave Donna some more plugs and then went to break.
Howard came back and asked about the Ozzy song. Fred said it was in the top 10 of the modern rock charts. Howard said he must be the official old guy in the room now. He said he listens to music from the 60s and 70s and thinks that the music will never be that good. Howard said he knows Lady Gaga is the most popular act to see now and he likes it, but it's not even close to being as good as that stuff from the 60s and 70s. He said it's not like Billy Joel or anything like that.
Howard said his daughter went to a Lauren Hill concert and called him from that. He said he asked his daughter if she was still hot. She told him she was. Howard said he thought she was a doll when she was hot in the 90s. Howard said he thought Lauren Hill went off to be a housewife or something. He didn't know she was back out singing.
Howard said he liked her song ''Ready or Not'' and even that was better than the Lady Gaga stuff. He had Fred play some of that song. He said it makes him kind of sad when he hears that song. He's not even sure why. He said he really likes her voice. He said she's really good looking too. Howard didn't like the rapping part. He said they could cut that whole part out. He only likes Lauren's singing.
Howard said he saw a video that R. Kelly did on the internet. He said the guy is something else. He said he just did this ''real talk'' video on his own on YouTube. Howard played some of the video and talked about how wacky he is. He said he thinks he's adlibbing the stuff he's singing about in this song. Robin said she thinks he does.
Howard got a few laughs out of the song. Kelly was singing about a chick and how she's running off at the mouth and stuff like that. He was just venting about this chick and singing about it. Howard and the guys were joking around about the song and their favorite lines.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why Ashton Kutcher hasn't been on the show promoting the ''True Beauty'' show because it's his production. Howard said he doesn't know why but he was on the show promoting something else at the time he was on. He said he's not sure what his deal is.
Howard got annoyed with the caller and said he had nothing to do with the promotion of the show. The caller said he was on the show, Michael Allen, who was eliminated second. He said he sent in a CD to the show and he was waiting to hear from Howard. Howard hung up on the guy. He got annoyed with the call.
Howard said he hasn't seen last night's episode yet. Robin said that she was watching it and they had a word they were saying that had her screwing it up today. It was Ostensibly and she wasn't able to get it out. Howard said he saw some of the behind the scenes stuff when they shot that show. He said he had to take a break before getting to Omarosa.
Omarosa said she didn't get into a fight with Gary. She said she just reads every legal document that she has put in front of her. She said that Gary was just surprised that she can read.
Omarosa said that Don Buchwald is her agent. She said that she and Howard share the same agent. Howard wondered if Don knows that.
Howard asked Omarosa about why Bonnie Hunt was bad mouthing her. Omarosa said she just speaks her mind and people don't like that. Howard asked where she grew up. She said she grew up in Youngstown, Ohio and she grew up in the projects. She said that her father was murdered and the guy that shot him only got a few years in prison.
Omarosa said that inspired her to get out of the projects. She said her mother went and worked 3 jobs so she could raise her 4 kids after that. Omarosa said when you lose a father at that young age you can either get very disgruntled or be very motivated and she had the motivation.
Howard said Wendy Williams got into a fight with Omarosa and he wondered why. He said they're both strong black women and you wouldn't think they'd fight. Howard read about how Omarosa was on the Wendy Williams show in 2008 and she told Wendy she should get a nose job and get a better wig. Howard said that's mean. Omarosa said there are times when she's at her best and at her worst. Howard read that Wendy told her to get her wrinkles fixed after that. They went back and forth insulting each other about their looks.
Howard said it seems like controversy surrounds her. He said he gets the feeling that she's very nice though. Omarosa said she is a very nice person but she's also very assertive in the board room so people think she's a bitch. She said ''so be it.''
Howard had a clip of Bonnie Hunt talking about Omarosa. He played that clip and Bonnie said that Omarosa is doing this dating show and her audience sounded shocked. Bonnie was quoting Omarosa and said she doesn't understand the rewarding of the less than classy behavior she exhibits.
Howard wondered what that was about. Howard asked if she's a liar. Omarosa said that Bonnie's show got canceled because she's wack and she's boring. Omarosa said if she wanted to have a battle of wits she would win. She said Bonnie's show is canceled so she wouldn't waste her time with that.
Howard asked Omarosa if she's a liar. She said she lied, cheated and did what she had to do to win that Apprentice show. She said that's what the show was all about. She has no problem with that.
Howard asked Omarosa about her breast implants and she said she got them because she was almost concave from being an athlete all her life.
Howard asked about her marriage. Omarosa said she never thought that things were going to go the way they were on The Apprentice. She worked in Washington with President Clinton before that. Howard asked if Clinton ever came on to her. She said it was always professional. Howard asked if she had an affair with Clinton. She said she won't answer that. Howard felt she was insinuating something by saying she wouldn't say. She said the answer was no but she doesn't feel she needs to talk about that.
Howard said on Omarosa's new show she dates black guys. She said that's not true. She dates other types of men too.
Howard asked Omarosa about her father again. She was 7 years old when her father was murdered. She said they found out on the news before they were even told about it. Omarosa said it was a random crime and he was left for dead. She said he was attacked by 3 or 4 guys and left for dead. She was holding back for some reason and Howard found out it was because she didn't think her mother would be comfortable with it. She said that it was actually a white on black crime and the white guys didn't get much time in prison for doing it. She said it was two white guys and one black guy who killed her father.
Howard said that sounds mysterious to him. She said it wasn't in the area where she grew up. She said the murder rate has actually gone up since she got out of there.
Howard asked Omarosa about playing chess and she said she'd like to take him on sometime. Howard said he'd like to play against her. She said she was a chess champ when she was in school.
Howard asked Omarosa if she thinks there is something wrong with people who do reality shows. He said that they open up their lives and show everything. He asked if she really thinks that she can meet a guy to fall in love with who has a camera on him. She said she absolutely can. Omarosa said that people bash reality shows but people in America love them.
Howard asked to see Omarosa's breasts but she wasn't going to show them. She said that she has a small C-cup. Howard said they look bigger than that. He said he'd bang her if he was single. She said he's not so he can't do that. Howard said he thinks that she's very normal even though so many people think she's not. Howard gave her some plugs for her TV show which is on TV1. Howard said he doesn't get that channel. Robin said she gets it.
Howard asked about Omarosa's TV show and if she found a guy on the show. She said she dated a lot of guys and she had fun doing it. She said the final 3 were all great and she had to close her eyes and pick one. She said it was a tough decision to make.
Howard asked Omarosa if she did anything with the guys sexually. She said she did a lot of stuff with just 3 of the guys on the show. She said she won't say exactly what it was. Howard said she must have seen them nude. She said they were in swimsuits and other outfits. She said she may have felt them rubbing up against her too.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he saw her on the Apprentice and he loves annoying people on TV. He said there is something about her that makes people hate her though. He said the way she talks is smarmy and it's very annoying. Ralph said Howard doesn't have to deal with her and that's why he's thinking that she's okay. Omarosa said she thinks that he has a small penis because of this attitude he has. She said that she is smarter than him. Ralph said she's not.
Howard took another call from a guy who said they have to get her off the air. He said that she's a G-list actress and she's got to get off of the show. Omarosa didn't seem to care about any of this. She said that it doesn't bother her at all. She said these people are sitting around listening to her on the radio and not working.
Irish John called in and said that she walked off of Jimmy Kimmel's show one time because she didn't want to take a lie detector test. Omarosa said she was on an NBC show and she had to walk off when the lawyers told her she couldn't do his show. It had nothing to do with the lie detector test. She said that NBC told her she can't do his show before Leno's show. Howard asked why she walked off them. She said she didn't walk off because she never got in there. She said the attorneys stopped her before she got inside.
Howard asked Omarosa if she would be up for anal sex. She said she has never done that because it terrifies her. Howard asked if Robin thinks it's natural. Robin said whatever feels good is natural. Howard said Robin has loved a man and she has gotten into that. He said you give it a try and see if you like it. Howard said he has tried. Howard said Robin is self lubricating back there too. Robin said she never said that either. Robin said Howard makes things up all the time.
Howard took another call from a woman who said that Omarosa is her hero. She said that she turned her whole life around after she saw her on TV. She said she was locked up in jail and she got out and turned her life around because of her. Howard said that must feel good. Omarosa said it absolutely does. She said she made the best of her life and she likes to see that happening with other people.
Jeff the Drunk called in and asked Omarosa if she ever sucked a cock. Omarosa said she bets his is so small it would be like sucking on a Tic Tac. Jeff called her a cunt and got off the line.
Cyrus called in and asked if Omarosa thinks she has problems with people because she's a smart black woman and not just a smart woman. Omarosa said it's all of that and she can't change it.
Howard had the guys bring in some of Omarosa's friends. They had Hooda and Deedee come in. Howard said that Deedee was in a cast. Hooda was a chef. Omarosa said Hooda has natural breasts and she's jealous because she had to buy her own.
Howard asked Hooda if she's ever attracted to Omarosa. Omarosa said she's going to get killed for this. Howard found out that Hooda has had guys with big penises and she can take big ones. Howard asked if black guys are more hung or is that a stereotype. She said that is true. Howard asked if she's tried anal. She hasn't. She said that's an exit only.
Howard said that Omarosa isn't going to marry anyone from that TV show. He said she can't be into anyone who shows up to do a TV show like that. Howard asked if she has boned the guy that she fell in love with on the show since the show ended. Omarosa said she had. Howard said he's with her then. He said that if she did that then she must have found someone she really liked on the show.
Howard said he bets it takes a lot to get her off. Omarosa wasn't saying if that's true or not. She gave a shout out to a friend of her's that loves Howard's show. She said that he gave her some advice for doing the show.
Howard told Omarosa about how tough his life was growing up in the black neighborhood he lived in. She had never heard that story before so Howard told her how rough he had it and how similar their lives might be. Howard said that he had guys like Dr. J and Flavor Flav who grew up in the same area. Howard said Eddie Murphy even grew up there.
Howard said they could spend all day talking about this stuff. He asked Omarosa about being stabbed. She said that her brother was a gang banger and he's in jail right now. She said he did the crime so he has to do the time. She said that he has 2 more years in jail. She said that he got a total of 8. Howard asked why she got stabbed. She said she would get stabbed for things her brother would do.
Howard said these sisters had it rough. He asked the other girls how many stab wounds they had. One of them said she'll never tell. Robin asked what happened to Deedee that she has to be on crutches. She said she was clumsy and hurt it on the way from one party to another.
Howard gave Omarosa a plug for her show which is called ''The Ultimate Merger'' and it starts this Thursday on TV1. Omarosa said she'll be tweeting some behind the scenes pictures that night too. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he missed the whole song. He had a big meeting going on in there. He said Gary had things to go over. He said he doesn't remember a thing they talked about either.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they have a story about KC Armstrong being a fugitive. An arrest warrant was issued for his arrest for traffic violations. Howard said he got junk mail from KC and it turns out it wasn't really him. He thought he had heard from him. Steve said that KC didn't show up to court so that's why there's an arrest warrant out for him.
Steve said they have a story about a fan who offered Jeff the drunk a trailer if he wanted it but now Jeff can't get a hold of the guy.
Steve said they have a story about Joey Boots tonguing Ronnie the Limo Driver and positing video online last week. They also have a story about some things that the 15 Foundation is auctioning off to raise money. John Stamos is part of that once again and Robin said she will be thanking him this time. Steve gave Jackie and Riley plugs for their shows that are on at 7 and Midnight tonight too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Omarosa thinks her shit doesn't stink and he agrees with Ralph on what he was saying about her. Howard said he doesn't know her very well but he thought she was kind of nice. The caller said he brings the best out in people. Fred said there was no hostility from her today at all. Howard said he gets the feeling that she's kind of guarded but she's been through a lot. Howard said he didn't sense a mean person there. Robin said that she's always been very nice to her when she's met her. Howard said maybe she's afraid to mess with them for some reason.
Howard said he would like to play chess against her but he's not sure where he could do that. Howard said he would have had her up to his place tonight if he was single. He said she'll probably beat him at chess anyway. He said it's not an easy game.
Howard had his dad, Ben, on the phone to give his opinion on the oil spill. Ben said it's a tragedy. He said he was reading that there could be something they could have done to stop the leak that wasn't installed. Howard said that's right, but it was a $450 million item that they didn't want to buy. Howard said that's nothing when the company is making billions though. Ben said they were working the odds and they lost. He said you can't take a chance like that. He said they're going to lose 9 billion or whatever it's going to cost to clean it up.
Ben said they're supposed to be geniuses over there at BP but they can't come up with a solution for the leak Ben said people are upset about the president's handling of this too. He said that Obama should have rented a row boat and rowed out there. He said that he's been down there six times already but there's nothing he can do about it. He said BP made a mistake and they're trying to fix it because it's not good for them either.
Ben said the company has a lot of money to spend on this and they still have chaos going on over there. He said they have a major problem to solve and they have to do the best they can to fix it. He said he feels sad about this whole thing and for the administration and for BP. He said it's not good for anyone.
Howard said that there are people who are mad at Obama for not responding to this whole thing fast enough. Howard said he may not know just how bad this whole thing is even now.
Ben said that Kevin Costner went down to Washington to show this oil separator thing and the first test failed. He wondered why he would make such a big deal out of it if they didn't test it first. Howard said he didn't know it had failed. He said this is the first he's hearing of that.
Howard said he would never trust the perpetrator of the crime with the clean up. He said that it's hard to place blame when previous administrations made it easier for these oil companies. Ben said that you can't have a free market with these companies. He said they have to have circumstances that punish them for failures like this.
Benjy claims that they fixed the Costner machines and they are working so they have ordered a bunch of machines that cost like $500,000 each. Benjy said they fixed the thing that caused the one to fail. Ben said they were trying to clean up just two quarts of oil so he's not sure what they're doing with those things.
Robin said there's a guy who is going to propose lifting the ban on the off shore drilling that Obama has right now. Howard said that the oil guys are all going to protest that.
Ben said that they have these mine tragedies too. He said there are safety things that they have in place to try and stop those type of tragedies. He said that they have problems all the time and they just pay fines. Ben said that's bullshit and they should have the right to close the mines down until they fix the problems they have at those mines. He thinks they should do the same for the oil companies.
Ralph called in and said that he loves Ben but he's way off on this. Ralph said this is not a natural disaster and you can't compare it to a hurricane. He said Obama should be trying everything they can. He said they have to blame the President because he's doing nothing. Ben said that they have to go back before they even put the hole in the ground. They should have figured out a way to stop a leak before it happened.
Ben said he had a lot to say but it was going to be repetitive. He did say a few more things about BP and the way they're handling this whole thing. He said they can't cut corners. Robin said she was reading about how they saved time and money by cutting corners. Ben said it's hard to blame one person but the President isn't one. He told Howard he loves him as he said goodbye.
Howard said his dad seems to have a handle on that. He told him to go aback and stare at the wall now. Howard said he's very authoritative when it comes to that stuff.
Howard had Robin start her news after Fred played her in with a Little Mikey song parody. Robin started off with a story about Lebron James. She said that there's a committee in New York trying to convince Lebron to come there to play for the Knicks. Howard could have been part of that. Howard said he wouldn't want to be part of something like that. He said it reeks of a publicity stunt and that's not him.
Robin read a story about Gary Coleman's autopsy. She said that it was the fall that killed him. They ruled that accidental. Robin said he didn't have to die. She said he got dizzy and fell down the stairs and hit his head. His wife pulled the plug on his life support just days later.
Howard had a new Wack Pack Feedback bit from Sal and Richard. They had Wendy the Retard commenting about how they should fix the leak. Wendy said they should just stick some rags down in it. They also had Daniel Carver blaming the President saying that he can't fix nothin'. Jeff the Drunk also had some thoughts on the oil spill. He said it's a big fuckin' mess and he thinks they should have a big straw to suck it all out.
Robin said it's funny what filters out of the brain of someone crazy like Daniel Carver. Robin got back to her news and read about Senator Ted Kennedy. They had some FBI files about the threats that Kennedy had. They have released details.
Robin had some news about the President's speech about the oil leak and had some audio of someone talking about what BP is doing to try and stop the leak.
Robin read about Larry King's contract coming up and how CNN is looking to replace their 8pm program but not Larry. Howard said that show is very easy to produce and it doesn't seem to matter what they talk about. No one seems to care.
Robin read about Joran Van Der Sloot and some of the details of what he did to this Peruvian girl that he killed. She mentioned something about him elbowing her in the face.
Howard said he wanted to elbow Ralph in the face when he smelled him yesterday. Ralph said he gets roasted garlic and he had like two packets of it on Sunday night so that's probably what Howard smelled. Howard said he couldn't get near him because the smell was so bad. Ralph said he could have told him. He said he didn't know that it was that bad.
Howard said he didn't want to ruin Ralph's day yesterday telling him he stinks. Ralph said that he just told millions of people he stinks like that's not going to ruin his day. Howard said he felt like passing out yesterday when he was near him. Howard said if he had rolled in his own feces he would have smelled better. He said he wasn't sure if it was garlic or something else. Howard said if Robin had gone out with him last night she would have died. Ralph said the gods were shining on Robin last night.
Howard told Ralph to stay away from that shit if he's going to see him the next day. Ralph said he'll cut back. Howard said his dating must have cut back a lot with that stink around him. Howard said he wanted to light incense around him. He said he had the breath and the body odor and it was awful. He said the incense didn't even help.
Robin got back to her news and read about a construction worker who was arrested in Pakistan trying to hunt down Osama bin Laden. Howard said that sounds great to him. Robin said the guy goes over on his own time and does this. Howard said that's great in his opinion.
Robin read about a 70 year old woman who is trying to get pregnant. Robin read a story about some people who got in trouble for watching the World Cup soccer game in a Muslim country because they are against sports. Robin read some soccer news after that too.
Robin read about how cancer survivors can't get treatment because of the costs. Howard said it's a real bummer. Robin said they say that many people had to skip treatment because of the costs. Howard said he saw a video on the internet of a guy who slit his boil because he wasn't able to afford a doctor. He said the video is actually pretty gross.
Robin read a story about the moon having water on it. Robin said they say that there's more there than they thought. Robin said there is probably a lot beneath the surface. Robin wondered how long it would be before we could move there. Howard wondered why it would be underground there. Robin said it's underground here on earth. Howard said it's above too. Robin said it's both. Howard said maybe it would fall off since there is no gravity there.
Robin read about a strike that Spirit Airlines has going on right now. She had a story about the Boston Celtics and the Lakers game that she quickly went through.
Robin read a story about Perez Hilton posting a picture of an up skirt shot of Miley Cyrus on his site. She wasn't wearing any underwear in the photo. She's underage. The picture was later taken down. Howard said he'll wait until she's 18 to look at the picture. Howard said it may not be illegal in some places to see it.
Robin read about Megan Fox being in the new movie ''Jonah Hex.'' Howard said it sounds like a big bomb to him. Robin had some audio of Megan for Howard to play. He lasted about a second before cutting it off. He played some other clips and let them play through.
Robin had some news about Ozzy Osbourne's new album. She also had a story about Jennifer Aniston and a new movie she's going to be in. She's doing some sexual stuff in it but not getting completely naked. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:55am.
Jon and Gary talked about Donna the 600 pound woman and the things she was saying about this ''journey'' she's on to gain more weight. Gary said that guy Phillip was talking about how it was a journey in a good way but it's a journey to a bad place. Jon played a clip of Howard talking to Phillip and Donna.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that this woman being that heavy is just sickening. He said he can't imagine what that must be like. He said the whole thing was disturbing but hilarious when Howard was asking the sexual questions.
Gary said he was shocked at how she wipes her butt. He said that was shocking to him. The caller asked if Howard was looking directly at her. Gary said she sat on the couch and that was fine. He said Howard looked right at her and then at Phillip when he came in. Gary said when they went to break Phillip thanked Howard for treating them as well as he did.
The caller also asked how Miss Howard Stern is doing these days. Gary wasn't sure but he asked if anyone there knew they could come in and give them an update.
Jon and Gary talked about how Phillip is just as ''out there'' as Donna is. Gary said Lisa G thought that he was controlling her but Gary disagreed. He said that it takes two people to get together. He said the whole thing was kind of bizarre though. He said they may both be using each other.
Another caller said that bit was disgusting and that woman is being such a burden on all of us. He said they have a hard time getting help for people who weigh 400 pounds and she's heading for another 400. The caller asked if they had to test the floor to find out if she weighed too much. Gary said they were going to ask her to run on it to see how it handled it. He said he's pretty sure it can handle a lot of weight though.
Gary said they have this big box in the studio and the TV guys were thinking about putting her on the scale they have in there. He said he's not sure if it would even go that high. Gary said he doesn't think that it does.
Another caller said that he was kind of heavy and when he lost weight he lost friends. He said that he thinks the friends liked him fat. He was up to 470 pounds and now he's down to 301. Gary asked why they would stop contacting him. His phone connection was really bad so they had to let him go.
Brian Phelan came in and said they tested the scale in there and it does go up to at least 640. He said they tested it out with Jason, Benjy and him on it and they were up to 640 with Jason putting one leg on.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked how old Donna's kids were. Gary said he thinks they were like 2 or so. The caller didn't think that she was setting a good example for them.
Scott said the guy was very well spoken and he was very intelligent but he has that weird fetish that he's so proud of. He said it was kind of weird. Scott said there are a lot of fetish people who are borderline crazy.
Jon took a call from a woman who talked about how this woman is getting positive reinforcement for this stuff and that's why she's going to keep getting bigger. She said she's overweight herself and she hates it. She said she wishes she could get to the point where she could take it off. Jon asked her what's stopping her. She said she's depressed. Gary said that she could take off a couple a week and get to where she wants to be. She said she knows that but she needs to be motivated.
Gary said he used to go to his shrink for stuff and he'd complain about his weight. He said the shrink would tell him that when he's ready to lose it, he'd know why. Gary said he spent hours in the car trying to figure out what he was talking about and to this day he can't figure it out.
Jon asked Scott how he feels about his weight. Scott said he doesn't care about it at this point. He said he's probably gained about 25 since he started there. Jon said he's pretty comfortable where he is but he's trying to lose a few.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he drinks diet soda all the time and he knows that if he drank the non-diet that he'd get even fatter. Gary had mentioned earlier that he doesn't get fat people drinking diet soda. Gary said he's not sure why Donna would drink diet soda if she's trying to get fatter.
Jon took another call from a truck driver who said he thinks that Donna is just depressed and that's why she's eating. He said that she's slowly killing herself by eating to get so fat.
Gary said they worked with a guy who was pretty big and the guy had a Firebird and he had taken out the back seat so his front seat went back all the way. He said it really can affect your life when you get that big.
DePace talked about how gross it can be when fat people have to wash in their folds and stuff like that. He's seen TV shows about that. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon brought up Omarosa and asked Gary about the ''fight'' that they got into about the release in the green room. Gary said there are just a couple of people who have given him a headache about that release. Gary said she told him she'd get it back to him in a couple of days. Gary said he needed it then so she filled it out but added some stuff to it. He told her that he had to have a clean one that wasn't amended.
Gary said he told her that he couldn't let her in the studio without it and he was just doing what he was told. Gary said she signed the second one and she signed it with due diligence. He said he had to have her sign a third one when she filled that one out the same as the first.
Gary said that she gave him a hard time about her friends being there too. Gary said that he had to tell her that they don't let them come into the studio because they're shooting a TV show. He said it was a struggle to get her in there. Gary said she was all nice once she got in there.
Jon played a clip of Omarosa talking about how it wasn't a fight and it was just that she was reading her legal documents. Gary said he didn't get a chance to explain on the show. Gary said that she either had to read it or just sign it. He said she can't sign it with due diligence. He said they're not some wacky show or something. He said he keeps in his desk drawer that was signed by Arnold Schwarzenegger, Pam Anderson and Rudy Giulianni and shows it to people who give him a hard time. Gary said he has Paul McCartney's too so he can show the musicians that show up and don't want to sign.
Gary said that Omarosa made it racial today too. He said that she was saying that people aren't used to an intelligent black woman. Gary said she's a pain to deal with no matter what color she is.
Gary said Omarosa seems to like to piss people off. He said the smartest thing she said today was that the detractors in her life are the people that got her where she is now.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that Omarosa would double Robin's score on that Narcissist test. Robin had a 34. Scott said he thinks that it only went up to 40. The caller said Omarosa would probably score a 50. The caller and the guys spent a couple of minutes talking about whether or not she's playing a character or not.
The guys talked about the rough things Omarosa had to go through growing up. They talked about her father's murder and Scott pointed out that she made that a racial thing even though one of the guys that was accused was black.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they've been fooled by this woman. He said that she never worked for Bill Clinton. He said she worked as an intern for the Vice President and she was fired. He said that she caused huge problems there in that office too. He said that he knows people that worked with her. He didn't work with her himself. Gary said that it's all hearsay then. The guy said it's not. He said he knows the people that worked with her. Gary said that's the definition of hearsay. He said he's getting the stories second hand and he doesn't know if they're telling the truth or not.
Jon and Gary spent a little time talking to the caller about Omarosa. Gary said she's popular on these shows but the caller said she's not popular. He said she's just one of those people that's talked about.
Will Murray came in and gave them the information they had on Omarosa and the work she did for the Clinton administration. Will said that this argument was retarded. Jon said they are going in circles so he was going to move on. They spent a minute more talking to the caller about that stuff.
Ralph called in and said that he didn't call her a lying, horse faced, cunt on the show because she'd get off on that. Gary said that she had Ralph pretty pegged when she said he's probably sitting around his house playing Nintendo. Gary said he thought she had it pretty close. Ralph said she was wrong about his penis size though.
Ralph said that Omarosa is now on a channel that no one gets so he's not sure why Trump is backing her up. He said that she's so popular she's on TV1. Will said that they had a guy call in today who said that Trump only works with her because he had to settle with her on something that happened on the first season of The Apprentice.
Jon brought up the Ben Stern call and Scott DePace said that Howard and Ben were wrong about a lot of what they were saying today. He talked about the stuff he felt they were wrong about. Scott said that Obama should have everything at his disposal to clean this mess up. Ralph said Obama should be down there cleaning up himself. Will said that both Scott and Ralph are idiots. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how he was listening to some clips of Wolfie going to Comic-Con and doing some interviews. Gary said the one he was at was in Philly. The main one was in San Diego. Howard said there are a lot of nerds at these things. Howard said there are nerds that like comics and a lot of celebrities who charge money to be seen.
Howard said Gary was watching some of it and a woman wanted to see Christopher Knight and had to negotiate to get in to see him. Howard said it's the same thing with Captain Kirk to get in to see him. He charges a fortune. Howard said to some people it's their life to get to see these people. He'd feel weird charging people to see him though. Howard said there are plenty of people who will pay but it's just sad.
Robin said that they have everything at these conventions now. She said that it's huge. Howard said he used to get why Kirk would charge people but now he's been on some hit TV shows and made a ton of money but he's still charging outrageous prices. Howard said there are certain things you don't want to get into. He said he has to talk to Shatner about it. Robin said she's not sure he even likes doing those events. She said he may not think it's a great thing as an artist.
Howard said they didn't really interview any celebrities. They just interviewed the attendees there. Howard played a clip of Wolfie interviewing a guy about why he was there and what he was dressed as. Howard said these guys aren't young either. They're in their 30s and 40s. In this clip the nerd being interviewed was asked if he had ever masturbated to a character he liked. He didn't answer. He lives at home but he's only 19. Howard said he thinks he might be living there for a while.
Wolfie interviewed another guy asking him who the most recent famous guy was that he had met. The guy said it was Bobby Clark from the original Star Trek. Howard didn't even know who he was referring to. Howard said he thought he knew something about the show but he didn't recognize that character. Robin saw a picture of the character they were talking about. It was that lizard thing that they did in an episode. He was the leader of the Gorn. Howard remembered who it was. He said he was in an outfit. He had to have been a stunt man because he didn't say a word and he was covered in that costume.
Gary said they have an interview with Bobby Clark and he didn't pull it because he didn't think he was anyone. Howard told him to pull it. Robin said that they episode is considered a classic because it was so good. Howard said he thought it was a good one. He didn't know who played that character though.
Gary said he couldn't believe they were making a big deal out of this guy from being in one episode. Howard remembered some of the episode and how Kirk and the Gorn became pals. That's what he thought anyway. Howard said he read that Bobby Clark was also an extra in some other episodes. He wasn't in his costume in those though.
Scott the Engineer came in and told Howard he was right about the episode when he said that Kirk and the Gorn became friends. He told Howard more about that episode to remind him about what happened. Howard said he remembers that episode and it was a great one.
Wolfie asked that same guy what comic book character would be the best for solving the oil leak in the gulf. The guy had an answer immediately. Howard knew who the guy was talking about. It was Prince Naymore or something like that. Howard explained who he was and remembered reading those comic books. He said he's not sure how he got them though. He said they didn't come from his cousin because Prince Naymore was Marvel and his cousin didn't work there.
Howard played more of the interview and the guy revealed he was 46 years old. He was telling Wolfie about other characters.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they're going to try and make a Submariner movie and they're trying to get David Borianis to play Prince Naymore. Howard and the caller spent a minute talking about that. They gave the history of the character and talked about how he had wings on his feet and stuff like that. The caller said there was a web site that listed all of the comic book character's religious backgrounds. He said that Superman was Presbyterian. Howard let the caller go a short time later.
Howard got back to the 46 year old Comic-Con guy and played more of his interview. Howard said he's not sure what he would do if his kid was 46 and doing this stuff. He said he would have the comic book thing in common but he would never let him go to Comic-Con.
Howard played another clip of Wolfie interviewing a guy dressed as Darth Nihilus. The guy explained who the character was and how he came about. Wolfie said he had met another guy dressed as Darth Nihilus there too. The guy, who had a mask on and was hard to hear, was telling Wolfie about how big of a fan he is of the character. He said he was from the 501st but Howard had no idea what that was.
Howard said the best interview was when Gary Garver interviewed a Darth Nihilus fan. He played that interview too. Garver ended up getting upset with the guy was kind of mean to him. Howard said he would have liked to have known more about that guy.
Howard played a prank call that Sal and Richard made to a mental health place with clips of the Darth Nihilus guy. They put this woman on the phone with the Darth Nihilus character clips and had her trying to help him out.
Howard played another interview that Wolfie did. In this one the guy said he was dressed up as some character and he may have made it up himself. He's with the group the New York Jedi. The guy said he's in a group that does staged light saber fights. Wolfie asked how many hours he puts into that. The guy said it's no more than 4 hours. They do have classes they teach though. They do that in New York twice a week. Wolfie asked if he would have skills to defend himself if he took this class. The guy said that he probably wouldn't.
Richie Wilson came in and said that Howard has to see these guys because they walk around in brown robes and stuff. If they walk to a store they wave their hands in front of the automatic door so it looks like they're using the force to open them. Howard said that's the greatest. He said he's not sure what he'd do if he saw that.
Howard played more of the interview with the Jedi guy. Howard said it sounds like this guy is doing what Under Dog Lady does with her interpretive dance. Howard said Steve Jobs should come up with an Apple light saber that looks really real. Howard figured these guys must do weird things with their light sabers like sticking them up their ass.
Wolfie asked the guy if he had ever masturbated to any characters he's into. The guy said he had. The guy named some people like Bat Girl that he had masturbated to. Super Girl was another one he had masturbated to.
Wolfie asked who this guy didn't want to see there. He mentioned Patrick Stewart because he was too expensive to see. Howard said that kind of sucks. You'd like to think that he's better than that. He said these people are mental and living at home and they're paying $100 to see Patrick Stewart. Howard said he hopes he talks to them about Star Trek. Gary said Jason was saying that some of the guys make a living just doing this. If they don't get autographs then they're broke. Howard said he's fine with the people who do that for a living but the guys who work regularly shouldn't be doing it. He said that Shatner and Patrick Stewart shouldn't be charging extra.
Howard said he can see Christopher Knight charging 20 bucks for an autograph. He said that guy should be able to do that because he didn't work a lot.
Howard talked about Butch Patrick and what he went through as Eddie Munster. Howard said he makes a living doing those conventions. He said he had a phase where he was kind of a teen idol. He said he went off and did some movie in Europe or something and that was kind of weird. He said now he goes to these events and charges for autographs. Robin said he has a change maker thing on his belt so he can make change. Howard said he thought those things were pretty cool. He said they had all of the change in a thing on their belt. He wondered if they still make those things.
Gary came in and said he could get one of those change tings on eBay in a second. Howard wondered why the ice cream man would need one of those things. Gary said he needed his hands free.
Gary said Jason went to Comic-Con there in New York last year and they met people like Jon Schneider there. They get a lot of adoration there at those events. Gary said Jon saw the woman who was on Flash Gordon many years ago there and she used to be hot. She wasn't so hot last year and not one person stopped at her booth to get an autograph.
Howard played more of Wolfie's interview with this guy who was talking about his favorite female characters. They also talked about super powers. The nerdy guy said he was very nervous when he got Corey Feldman's autograph. He said he had spent thousands on this hobby of his.
Howard said he was watching the Tony Awards and saw Jada Pinkett Smith on the show and she was looking hot. He said she was oiled up and kind of naked-ish looking. He said she was shiny and it looked way hot. He said it was almost crazy hot. He said she pulls it together very well. He wondered what kind of oil she'd have on her. Robin said she's seen that kind of stuff before. Howard said you've never seen a woman looking this shiny. He said it was almost like a super hero look.
Howard said he did have something to do with Beth's outfits on that True Beauty show. He said he would give her advice on them. He said that's what people want to see on those shows. Howard said Beth was concerned with the show because the first episode was on a holiday weekend.
Howard said Beth was asked to do the show and she doesn't have to do a lot on there. He said Beth said it was weird how people think it's her show. Howard said she's just a judge. Howard said the first episode did okay but that was on a holiday. He said the last couple of weeks the show has been done really well. He said She can't be on it again because it's a surprise show. They have to get new people every time. They're trying to fool people on the show so they can't do that.
Howard said he watched this week's episode and thought it was good. Robin said it's odd how good looking people act. She said that they don't know anymore than other people. Howard said Beth had a good time doing the show. He said it was fun for her.
Howard said he hasn't seen Beth for days. He said he won't see her until probably tomorrow. Howard said he's been hanging out with this kids. He said that they've been going out to concerts and stuff. They don't go to Comic-Con, thank god.
bobby was asked why Shatner has this reputation for being a pain to work with on the set. Bobby defended him and said that he's really a nice guy. He said Shatner has become ''very business'' and he's got shows going all the time and constantly working. Howard said Shatner must shake his head when he hears stuff like this. He probably doesn't even know Shatner. Howard said Shatner will barely stand near Takei, never mind the guy who played the Gorn. He said this guy would probably have to pay an extra 20 to stand next to Shatner.
They have this ''Bang My Daddy'' bit they're going to do. They have a chick from the Bunny Ranch coming in to play. He said this chick is smokin' hot too. Howard said only one dad can win. He asked Gary who the woman is that's playing today. Gary said it's Cami Parker. Howard said she looks really good in her pictures. He said she's supposedly Dennis Hof's girlfriend. He said that guy has a whole scene going out there.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who told Howard what the oil stuff is that Jada Pinkett Smith wears. He said it's some stuff that a woman in Harlem makes. He said the girl was on Oprah and now she's a multi-millionaire. Howard said it looked like she was dipped in oil and put on stage. He said it looked really good.
Howard told King that when he calls in he's hard to understand on this phone he's on. King said he's going to get an iPad or a computer. He said he wanted to know what to get. Howard told him to get the iPad. Howard said it's fun. He said he can't understand what he's saying and he knows people are annoyed with his calls. Howard said he got one as a gift so he's not sure how much they cost. King said he wants to know if he can get one for under $1,000. He said he wants to use cash to pay for it. Howard asked why. He said this is just a dumb conversation.
Howard had to hang up on him because of the phone connection. Howard told him to buy a phone today instead of the computer. He said his phone connection sucks. He said he's interesting and funny but that phone makes him crazy. He said he knows it sounds bad. Howard did an impression of the call and muffled his voice like King.
Howard said he doesn't get why he had to bring cash to pay for the computer. He said he could use a debit card or a credit card and not bring cash.
Howard said he's kind of curious to find out why but he didn't want to struggle with the call. He said he can't find a good use for his iPad but it's fun. He said he likes the touch thing and he wishes his computer worked like that. He said it doesn't do certain things that he needs to do. If it did, he'd carry it with him all the time.
Howard said he's going to be on the road all day so he's bringing his laptop with him. He said he hates the shitty phone connection thing. He said he thinks that the high end iPad is like 600 bucks. Gary said it's much higher than that. He said they get up close to $1,000. Gary said his was up around $970 when he bought it. Gary said that you can't get them at the store either. He said he had to order it online. Gary said he hopes to have one before Father's day. Howard didn't know they were that popular.
Howard said once they get his chess club to make an app for the iPad he'll be all set. He said he doesn't even mind the fingerprints on the screen.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about Beth's long hair and if he gets annoyed with it being in his face. Howard said he loves it. He said he's a heterosexual so it doesn't bother him. He asked the guy when he went gay. Howard said he's not sure what guy wouldn't like that. The caller said he just doesn't like hair in his face. Howard and Fred goofed on the guy for a short time about being gay for not liking the hair thing.
Howard had King of All Blacks back on the line and this time he was on an iPhone. Howard said he still didn't sound good. King said he's just going to get a Macbook. He said he's not going to get the iPad. King was about to get off the line but he stuck in there and talked about how much he hates it when a girl smudges your glasses. That led to them talking about Jada Pinkett Smith again and how that oil would probably smudge too. Howard said that stuff was so hot on her.
Howard asked King why he says ''they body'' when he's talking about something when he knows that it's ''their body.'' King said he talks like that. Robin said he has to know the real grammar. Howard asked why that's better to talk like that. King said you don't have to think about it so much. He said you just talk and not worry.
Howard had trouble understanding King and said he was on another bad connection. King told him to give him a break. King was telling Howard about how they lived near the guys that ran the store Korvettes there in the area. He said that they wondered why they had black people living next to them. King said it was too funny.
Howard spent another minute with King but he said he had to go. He said he has to buy a hard wire phone. He said he has to buy that instead of the Apple. Howard said the connection is just bad. Howard said he has all wired phones in his house because he doesn't want a cell phone next to his had all day long. Howard said all of the phones are plugged into the wall.
King asked Howard about what his favorite dish was when he was eating anything he wanted. Howard told him he has to go. He said he doesn't want to talk about that. Howard said he guesses that every street is clean because King doesn't have to work today.
Howard got a note from the guys saying that the Korvettes store wasn't run by Korean Vets like he had said earlier. Howard said he knew it for a fact. Howard said it was a group of guys who were Korean War Vets. Gary said the store was established before the Korean War even happened. Howard said he's sticking with his story. Howard had to take a break and said they have a lot to get to after that.
Howard came back and kind of sang along to the REM song. He said he's fascinated with this Alvin Green story. He said he's turned out to be a complete embarrassment and people just voted for him for no good reason. A local news station in South Carolina went around asking people if they voted for him.
Howard played the audio and they found out that some people just voted for him for his name. They thought he was Al Green the singer so they voted for him. One woman said she never expected this to happen when she voted for this guy. She felt terrible about it.
Howard said he's going to sponsor a bill to take away the vote from South Carolina. Howard said when it comes to the senator he knows about the candidates before he votes. He said that's some crazy stuff.
Howard had a clip of Adam Sandler and Kevin James doing some promotion for their new movie. They had to go over to NASCAR and tell the guys to start their engines. They went way over the top with that. In the clip Sandler did the ''Gentlemen start your engines'' as if he was singing it. Kevin James was in on that too. They went way over the top with that.
Howard said Robin was on Jeopardy last night. Robin seemed to forget that she had done something where she asked a question. Howard played a clip where Robin asked a question about Marvin Gaye. She said ''Lets get it on'' in that clip so they had isolated that and played it a couple of times. Howard said he didn't know she was an announcer on that show.
Howard said they have a bunch of new Robin song parodies. He played a new Little Mikey song called ''I Want To Eat Ya.'' he had ''Whip Out Your Brown Boobs'' too. He said that Psyche sent in ''Whip Those Tits Out'' too. He played all of those songs real quick. Robin liked ''Whip Those Tits Out.''
Lisa said that Richard Christy is in the news. He's lost 20 pounds using an iPhone app called ''Lose it.'' Howard said he heard about that and you just keep track of everything you eat. Howard said he eats anything he wants but just eats 3 meals a day and only a portion. He said he went to a kosher Italian restaurant last night. He said it turned out to be great. He thought it was going to be bad. He figured Kosher just meant bad food but it was great.
Howard said he just had a portion last night and he still manages to lose weight. Howard said he's the thinnest he's ever been. He said you can just limit what you eat and lose weight. He said he has a nice breakfast and a nice lunch and he's done. He can eat pizza or anything and he just eats one portion and he's thin. He said he's healthier than he's ever been too.
Howard said he will eat some nuts if he gets real hungry for a snack. Howard said there is will power involved. He said if he's at a buffet he'll go berserk. He said if he just has one portion he's good.
Lisa told Howard more about Richard's weight loss and how he's trying to lose another 10 pounds. Howard said he gave Richard a watch yesterday. He said he was cleaning his drawers out and he found a watch that looked kind of stupid on him. He said it has a big strap on it and he was never going to wear it. Howard said it looked stupid on him but he thought it might look okay on Richard because he's into heavy metal stuff. Richard came in and thanked him for the watch. Howard said Richard said he was going to put it on right away.
Richard said the watch doesn't even work because the battery is dead. Howard said he just needs to get it replaced. Richard said he'll get it fixed. He said it's a great watch and he loves it. Howard said Sal is going to get jealous. He doesn't have anything for him though. Howard told Richard to go make up some times for people that ask.
Ronnie came in and said that Richard was prancing around with the watch yesterday showing it off. Howard said he thought Richard would know enough not to do that. Ronnie said he was prancing around all over showing it off. Howard said he knows Sal must be freaking out now.
Richard said he showed it to Sal and Sal was surprised but not freaked out that he didn't get anything. Howard said he made sure Sal wasn't in his room yet when he gave him the watch. He thought Richard would keep his mouth shut. Richard said Sal saw him leaving the office so he had to tell him. Richard said Howard gave him a 50 inch TV a few years ago too and that was another great gift. Howard said he had the Sal factor back then too.
Sal came in and said that Howard got him a rotisserie that ended up going in the garbage. He said it was nice but his wife wondered where to put it so it ended up in the trash.
Richard was goofing on Sal about wearing make up. That led to them talking about how Sal has a fake tan on. Sal said he wears Fake Bake on his face and he has to go outside to put it on. He said he likes his tan so he maintains it with this fake stuff.
Howard can't believe that Sal has to spray his face outside. Gary asked why he doest' do it at work if his wife won't let him do it at home. Sal said they would make fun of him. Sal uses a lot of hair spray too. Sal said he's losing his hair so he has to shellac it down in the front. Howard told him he might be okay now that he's 40. It may stop falling out. Sal said they do say that it slows down when you get to 40. Sal said he thinks he's doing okay for 40.
Sal was also saying that he draws a jaw line with his facial hair. He doesn't have much of a chin so that's why he does that. Sal said he's not going to the tanning salons anymore either. He said you can get cancer from that. Sal said that the Fake Bake turns his snot black too.
Richard said Sal uses those fake cigarettes and someone will tell him that they're dangerous and Sal said that he'll have to look into it as he's taking a drag off of it.
Sal said he got the chemical on his dick and it irritated it. He said they wanted to do all kinds of tests on him and they figured out it was that stuff in the fake cigarettes. Sal said the stuff gets on his fingers and then on his dick. Howard said he can't believe he's still smoking that stuff. Sal said there is no tar and no carcinogens in the stuff he smokes. Sal said they found blood in his urine and stuff so it was bad.
Sal said he's going to stop using the fake cigarettes. Howard told him to stop today. Howard said he's probably jerking off a lot with the stuff on his fingers. Richard said Sal touches his ass too so he may have something gin there too. Sal said he did have a tingle back there too.
Gary came in and said that the Fake Bake stuff is for women. Gary said Jason looked it up and found that it has a chemical that can cause cancer. Gary said Sal is killing himself. Sal said ''The quicker the better...'' Howard said that he doesn't look more handsome with a tan. He told him not to worry so much.
Sal said he became insecure since he and his wife had that 143 thing. Howard asked if he still thinks that his wife didn't fuck that guy. Sal said the guy wasn't that good looking. He said he was like 5'4'' and 200 pounds. Fred told him to go for that look. Sal said he used to be called coon boy because of the dark circles under his eyes. He said he was made fun of so he had to wear make up to cover up the dark eyes.
Lisa said that there are some fans of a band called Necro that want to get the band on the show. Lisa said that it's been signed by 600 people so far and they're going for 20,000. Howard said he wouldn't be swayed by even 20,000. He had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that they have three kids there who are trying to win their dad's sex at the Bunny Ranch. Howard said they have Cami Parker there from the Bunny Ranch. He said she must cost a lot at the Bunny Ranch. He said she must be close to a grand at least. He said they never talk about prices there on the air though.
Howard had the guys bring in Cami Parker first. He said she was looking very sharp this morning. He said she must be the best looking girl there at the Bunny Ranch. She's on the cover of Hustler this month too. Howard said the last time she was on she said she didn't like black guys. She said she's not racist, just her vagina. Howard asked how many guys she does out there. She said she doesn't like to see more than one a day.
Cami asked if she could get naked. Howard told her to go right ahead. She wanted to show off her new boobs. She said she went from an A-cup to a DD. She said she loves being naked too. Howard said if he had a body like her's he'd be showing it off too.
Howard asked Cami if she rejects guys. She said that if she doesn't feel a spark then she'll reject guys. She said she has turned them down. Howard asked if she has orgasms with these guys. She said she does. She said she opens herself up to having fun.
Howard said they're going to have a lucky dad win the shot at having sex with Cami today. Cami said that every dad at the Bunny Ranch should have a two girl show for Father's day. Howard asked if the winner is going to have two girls. She said she has Camryn Cross there and they're going to double team the winner.
Cami said her daddy (Dennis Hof) told her that she should do the winner with another girl but only with him. Dennis doesn't want her having sex with her for any other reason.
Howard had the guys bring in Camryn Cross next. Howard said he wanted to meet the girl she was going to get it on with. Howard talked to Camryn for a couple of minutes and then moved on to the game.
Howard had Bill and Kerri come in first. Howard said hello to them and so did Cami and Camryn. Howard introduced everyone and said that the winner is going to get two girls. Howard said they're both very beautiful. Howard said the prize is a day at the Bunny Ranch with the girls. Sex at the Bunny Ranch. Howard asked Kerri why she wants to get her dad banged.
Kerri said her dad is the greatest dad ever and they're best friends. She said that things haven't been great for him lately. He's out of work. They live up in Massachusetts and the economy killed his job in the real estate market. Howard said he read that he had invested all of his savings into a house. Bill said he planned on flipping it a few years after buying it but he ended up getting about half of what he bought it for. Bill said the property values just sunk. He's 60 years old and his retirement money is all gone so he has to keep working.
Kerri said her mom is living with her and her dad is living with his best friend. Bill said he rents a room but he doesn't pay for it. He said his friend puts him up for free right now.
Kerri said she thought this would be great for her dad. She said that her parents got married too young and divorced at 6. Howard asked when Bill last had sex. Kerri said they don't talk about that. She said she's never seen his penis either. Howard asked about that. She said there actually was one incident when she was like 5 or 6 years old. She said that she kind of saw them having sex.
Howard asked Bill when he had sex last. Bill said it's been a couple of years. He said that he'd like to give these girls 12 inches and make it hurt. Howard asked if they were the best looking girls that he's ever had sex with. Bill said that would be a yes.
Howard asked bill if he's ever been with a prostitute. Kerri said that she was going to take over here. She said that her father told her that he was at the Bunny Ranch 30 years ago. She said he was hoping that it wasn't the same girl that he was going to be with.
Cami was showing Bill what he could win. She showed him her vagina. Howard asked Bill if that was good enough for him. Bill said it was good. Cami and Camryn also kissed for him.
Howard said Benjy was going to get to vote today since he's been showing up on time. Howard said he's going to give the girls a vote too.
Howard had the second contestants come in next. This was Mark and Kelly. Howard said that they're father and daughter too. Howard said hello to Mark and asked what he thought of the girls. He seemed to like it and said that he was speechless. Howard said Mark seems like a nice guy. He said it is unusual for a daughter to bring her father in. Kelly said her mom passed away 3 years ago and they were married for many years. She had cancer. Mark said he was very in love with his wife. They never fought unless it had to do with their daughters.
Mark said he hasn't been with many women. He drives a tractor trailer. He said he did have sex with one woman shortly after his wife died. He said that woman broke her leg so it was over after that. Howard asked how long he waited to have sex. He said it was like 6 months.
Howard asked Cami if she likes to take the guy's cock and put it into herself. She said she does like that. She said that maybe Camryn can do that for her.
Howard said it must be odd for Kelly bringing her father in there for this. Howard asked Mark what he likes to do in bed. Kelly said she didn't want to hear that. Mark said he likes to explore. Howard asked if they're up for anal. Camryn is but not Cami. Howard said it sounds like everything is on the table. Mark said he is an explorer so he might be up for that.
Howard had Kelly talk about why they should vote for her father. She said that her father would give the girls a good time. She doesn't know that personally but that's what she's guessing.
Howard had the third contestants come in. It was Holly and Hayden. Howard said hello to them and asked what they thought. They liked what they were seeing. Howard asked if anyone else offers this kind of prize. Hayden said not like these girls.
Holly told Howard about how her mother had cheated on her father and they broke up. Then her father had two strokes a few years ago so he had to go on disability. He also found out his liver is bad. Howard asked if they're going to lose him. Hayden said he stopped drinking so he's got it under control. He said he drank most of his life. He said it was like 22 years of drinking that piled up. Hayden said he has fallen off the wagon a few times with the drinking. He said it's nothing like he used to drink though.
Howard asked Hayden when he lost got laid. He said it was about 3 years ago. Howard said these girls could bring him back to life. Hayden said they definitely could.
Howard said that Holly says her dad is a great guy. She said there were moments with him but overall he was a good dad. Howard said it sounds like it could be a perfect father's day for Hayden.
Howard asked Holly to tell them why her dad should win. She said that her father has been a great dad and he's gone through a lot. She thinks he deserves this. Howard asked Hayden if he beats off a lot. Hayden said he does. Holly said he has porn on his computer. She has to knock on his door now because he has porn on his laptop all the time.
Kerri said her dad doesn't even have his own area or privacy. He has nowhere to beat off. Howard asked Bill if he beats off at all. Bill said his hand might slip off once in a while. He does have his own room with a door on it so he's fine.
Howard said they were all very nice guys. Howard said it's going to be rough picking a winner. Howard went over all of their stories very quickly. Howard asked if they all had working equipment. They claim they do. Howard asked the girls if they've ever had a problem with the guys getting hard. They said that they give the best blow jobs so they never have a problem.
Howard asked Hayden if he has a big penis. He said he's packing 4 inches. Howard said that's even bigger than him. Howard asked Holly if she knew he had a small penis. She didn't know anything about it. Howard asked Kelly how big her father is. She didn't know. Mark said it's got good girth but he's not sure how long it is. He's never measured. Howard asked Mark if he needs Viagra or anything. Mark said he doesn't need it. Bill claims to be 12 inches.
Howard said he was going to ask Robin for her vote first. Robin said she doesn't know what to do. She said that they were all great stories. She wondered how she's supposed to choose. Camryn was doing a Little Lupe impression during that. Fred threw in a real Little Lupe clip too.
Robin said she was going to give her vote to Mark and Kelly. Howard went to Benjy next. He said he's been on time so he's getting a reward. Howard said he's proud of him this week. Benjy said he doesn't think Bill will have a problem getting women. He said that there's a risk that he fathered one of the girls there at the Bunny Ranch. He said he feels that Mark is the one who should get his vote.
Howard went to Cami and Camryn for their vote next. They whispered to each other a little bit and then said that they were going to pick Mark too. They were hoping that he wouldn't break their legs after they have sex though. They liked his daughter too. Cami said she looks tight.
Howard went to Fred next. Fred went over the contestants and said he agrees with Benjy about Bill. Fred said he was going to vote for Mark and Kelly as well. Howard said his vote doesn't count much now but he thinks that he'd vote for Mark and Kelly too.
Howard talked to Mark about his win and asked what he'll be doing when he's with the girls. He said he'll be exploring with them. Cami and Camryn said that they'll let Mark watch a little first. They'll get it on and then bring Mark into it.
The girls said they will undress Mark when he gets in the room. They'll undress each other first and Mark can watch. Then they'll undress Mark. Howard asked Mark if that appeals to him. Mark said that sounds good to him. Mark has never been with two girls so that will be new for him too. Cami was saying that Mark can lick her ass. Fred threw in some fart sounds.
Howard asked Mark if he's going to be able to hold out. Mark said he'll do just fine. He said he's not sure who he's going to enter first. He said he'll just see how it goes.
Howard congratulated Kelly and Mark on their win. He wrapped up and said that the girls really brought a lot of happiness to them. Howard said he has to thank the people at the Bunny Ranch for this. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
After the break we heard a prank call Richard made to a woman asking how she's doing and what she's been up to over and over again. Fred also played some Pink Floyd ''Young Lust'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and sang along to the song a little bit. He said he could play a song called ''Ruin That Song'' and sing along with it.
Howard said John the Stutterer did a show last night and he had some clips to play. He played one where John was arguing with a caller about Rush Limbaugh and not letting the guy speak. Howard said John is an angry guy. He said there was a lot of yelling and screaming going on.
Robin just showed up because she was stuck in the hall talking to the winners. She said she was trying to get back in there but it was tough getting away.
Howard said John had some trouble saying some words. He played another clip where he stuttered a little bit. He was trying to say something that even the guys weren't sure about.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Perez Hilton might be getting into trouble with that Miley Cyrus picture he posted. The guy asked if he heard about it yet. Howard said he talked about it yesterday. They got a picture of her without panties on and they might consider it kiddie porn or something. Howard said Perez is saying that she had panties on when he got the picture but someone photoshopped them out. Howard said Kathy Griffin was saying that's what she'd say too if she had posted that picture.
Howard said he knows that a lot of young girls go out without panties on and they go out lifting their dresses up showing they don't have any panties on. He said that's apparently a thing that they do.
Gary said Perez Hilton released a statement yesterday saying that he would never show her vagina. He said he had a picture later on in the day saying that she was wearing panties that night and he didn't have any nudes.
Howard read the mail about how insane the woman sounded talking about how she wants to get even fatter. Howard said that there was some email about Omarosa too. He read through that as well and there were some people who agreed with Ralph about what he was saying about her.
Howard said he was reading an article that someone wrote about how he was lying about the Iron Sheik and seeing him as a child. Howard said he thought he saw him as a kid. He wouldn't lie about that. He said that it is possible that he didn't see him. He said that it could have been someone else. Howard thought he had seen him but he could be wrong.
Howard read the article to Robin and they did the math at this site and said that Howard couldn't have seen the Iron Sheik when he was a child. Howard said that his grandfather did bring him to see some wrestling. Fred told him it could have been this guy who was known as The Sheik. Howard said that's possible. He said he's not lying about this though. He wouldn't make that stuff up. He said he's sorry if he didn't remember it correctly though.
,Howard said he had a game to play to give some money away. He took a couple of calls and asked if they had won anything. Two of the callers had won something so Howard wouldn't let them play. He wanted to give someone else the chance to win. One of the callers was going on and on about Scott DePace so Howard hung up on him. The second caller had won some cash not too long go and he didn't remember what he wanted to say so Howard let him go.
Howard finally fond a guy who hadn't won anything. It was his first time calling in. Howard said the game was a Jeff the Drunk ''Either Or'' game. The guy said he lives near Jeff actually. Howard said he was going to give him the chance to win $711. He had to guess what Jeff would answer with a this or that question.
First up was ''Pee yourself or shit yourself?'' The caller said he thinks that he would rather pee himself. Howard hated the game. He said he didn't even want to play. He said he'd guess pee yourself too. Jeff said pee. Howard figured that's what it would be.
The second question was ''Blondes or Brunettes?'' Howard really didn't care. He said he doesn't know how anyone would know or care about what his answer is. Jeff said ''Blondes'' and the caller guessed correctly.
The third question was ''Working a job or collecting unemployment?'' The caller guessed he would say work a job. Jeff said collecting unemployment. The caller got that one wrong.
Howard played the fourth one which was ''Hand job or blow job?'' Howard said it was going to be blow job. The caller guessed that as well. Jeff said blow job. The caller won. Howard said he never wants that game again. He said it was a complete waste of time. He told the caller he won $711 from 7-Eleven and let him go. He had Greg Fitzsimmons come in after that.
Greg was saying that it's about saying that if you really love someone then you'll do what you can to keep them attracted to you.
Howard and Greg spent some time talking about ball hair and why people have it down there. Howard said he read that it was keeping the smell down there. He said he realized that the hair on him keeps his balls sliding around. He said it keeps them from sticking to his leg. He said he'd rather not stick his hand down his pants. Greg said he powder's his balls. Howard said that has talc in it and that's not good for you. Greg said he didn't know that. He said he gets the powder all over his bathroom and it makes a mess. He said Nick DiPaolo does a joke about that and says that he once had a buttermilk pancake fall out of his pants after powdering it.
Howard asked Greg about going to that Kimmel party. Greg said he doesn't get out much to stuff like that. Greg said he works with Wanda Sykes so he goes out with her but other than that he doesn't get out too much.
Greg said that Ben Stiller went to grammar school with his wife and he had a crush on her. He said that he was freaking out when he saw him. He said he walked in and saw him talking to Demi Moore and then introduced her to Ben and it was kind of freaky to do that.
Greg said the Kimmel party was good and he realized that Howard is done. He saw how much fun Howard was having out there. Howard said he doesn't get to do that kind of stuff often so it was a big deal for him too. He thought the party would be fun. He said that it was kind of special to him too.
Howard said he went to Malibu a few years ago and went around hanging out and stuff. He had fun doing that but he's not going to do it all the time. Greg said that the 50 people he saw at that party are the same people he'd see everywhere out there. He said he had better like them because they're the ones he's going to see all the time.
Howard said that wouldn't be the reason he wouldn't come back. Howard said he would like to slow down and enjoy his life. He said the show is a lot of work. He said he's been doing it a long time too. He said he wouldn't stop working because of that party. Greg said Howard had something to do and it was that part of the trip that made him realize that he'd like Howard to stay. He said he hopes he does 3 days a week at least. Howard said they'll have to see what Mel says.
Howard took a call from Ralph who gave him some advice on how to shave his balls. Howard said he has to use a certain setting on the shaver. Howard said Beth thinks that he over groomed. He said if he takes it down to a number one on the shaver then it keeps him good for a while. He said he can get away with a couple of months not shaving. Howard said the hair can get really long down there too. Greg said the hair can get really long and you have to untangle it from your penis.
Howard said he has hair on his shaft and that's really freaking him out. He said that it leaves stubble on his penis if he shaves it. He said it's a whole patch of hair on there. Greg said that he might have to get a razor... and cut his throat.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about the hair shaving and how Ralph has had to help him out. He said he was having work done on his house at the time and the guy was from the south. He said Ralph was on his knees in front of him shaving him and the guy walked in and saw it and said he was sorry and walked out. Howard said he told the guy Ralph was shaving him for a photo shoot. The guy said that was alright in that southern accent. Howard said it was the worst fuckin thing in his life. Howard said the guy probably still thinks he's gay.
Howard said he remembers Amy Lynn was at the photo shoot that day and she told him that his ass didn't look all that bad. He said it's looked bad forever. He said it's just as bad as ever even after all of the exercise. Howard said he just read comic books and sat on his ass all day his whole life so that's why it looks as bad as it does. Howard said the ass has maintained it's look but doesn't get any worse. He said he could get it fixed with ass implants or something but he would never do that. Howard said when you have an ass like his it's worked for his career. He said he was sitting on his ass watching Star Trek so he knew about the Gorn episode that they talked about earlier.
Howard said he has to hide his ass from Beth but she claims she likes it. Howard said he doesn't believe that. Howard said it looks awful so she can't possibly like it. Howard said he should tape his paycheck to his balls. He said he could make his cock look bigger with that.
The guys were still talking about the ball hair and what it does to protect you. Ralph suggested that they use talc on their balls but Howard said it's not good. Ralph said that's like the aluminum in deodorant. Ralph said it's all horse shit and you're not going to die from deodorant. Greg doesn't use any deodorant. He said he doesn't have smelly pits. He said he might get it once in awhile but not often. Greg said he doesn't smell.
Howard said he stinks the same day if he doesn't use anything. Greg said Jews have a musk. Greg said he showers just once a day too. Howard said he tried using a non-aluminum deodorant but it didn't work. He would sweat and stink after just a short time. He said maybe it is that Jewish musk. He said he went to the doctor for his physical and he could smell himself. He said people warned him that the aluminum would build up and cause problems. He said he just went back to his aluminum stuff. Howard said the whole room was stinking up that day so he sopped up the stink from under his arms with his socks. Greg said Howard is really miserable.
Howard said he knew the room smelled. It smelled like Jew. He said the nurse said ''Open the windows, we have a Jew!'' he said his socks sopped up the sweat and they probably smelled. Howard said he's not a smelly guy but this deodorant he used just didn't work.
Howard said he felt under his arm the other day and he thought he had cancer. He said he's neurotic. Howard said he looked at his medical chart in the doctor's office and the diagnosis was ''Jew'' so Greg might be right. Greg asked Howard if the doctor holds his horns and tells him to cough.
Howard said he thinks the his shrink wants to call the authorities on him after he talks to him. He said he has horrible feelings about people. He said the guy must think he's a monster after hearing this stuff he tells him. Greg doesn't think that's the case.
Howard said he was talking to the shrink about something but he fogs out when he talks so he can't remember what it was. Howard said he might be more of an expert than his shrink. Howard said he did say something about how he thinks everyone is horrible. He said the guy told him that it's okay to have those feelings for people he loves. Howard said he never thought that was okay. He said he hates people and wants them out of the room.
Howard talked about how bad Ralph smelled the other day. He said he smelled like garlic. Ralph told Greg how Howard said he couldn't tell him in person how bad he smelled but he went on the air and said it to millions of people.
Howard said he didn't want to stand near Ralph and he had to light incense. Howard said Ralph is his friend but he doesn't feel comfortable doing that. He said he can't talk to good friends of his about things even if they're in danger.
Howard said he doesn't want to have the karma of telling someone they have the wrong friends or something like that. Robin asked if he would tell an alcoholic that they need help. Howard said most of his friends are alcoholics and he can't do that. Howard said he's not comfortable talking to Ralph. He had this stink coming off of him and it was worse than usual. He said he can smell bad sometimes. Ralph said Howard can smell bad too. He wears cologne that makes his clothes smell. Howard said that's a good smell though. Ralph said he didn't tell him on the air. He did it off the air.
Howard said Gary told Ross he had bad breath and Ross went berserk. Ralph said Ross doesn't take anything well.
Howard said he's not sure what it is with Ralph. He said the smell was just vile. He said the smell was so bad that he didn't want to be near him. He said he actually cut the meeting short. He said he gave Ralph a watch like he did with Richard. He said he didn't want to ruin his day by telling him he smelled bad. Ralph said he would have been fine with it if he had. Howard said he didn't want to do that in person. Howard said he felt more comfortable doing that on the air.
Howard realized what time it was and said he had to get going. He said he had to do a commercial break. Howard gave Greg some plugs and said he's out in San Francisco doing a show tonight. Greg is also working on his book. You can find out more about his upcoming gigs at FitzDog.com. Howard asked why he's cutting it so close. Greg said he gets off on that. He said he likes to show up at the last minute just like Benjy.
Howard asked Greg how Bubba's show was when he was down there. Greg said he went to their compound and it's like a cult compound. He said you go in and you wait to get in there. He said he was waiting with a midget on the couch. He said the guy was drinking Captain Morgan and Dr. Pepper and he had urinated on the couch. Howard said everyone was drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon in cans down there too. He said they were guests waiting to go on.
Greg said they were all drinking there. Bubba was showing him his hand gun collection that was under his chair. He said he had a 50 call gun under the chair that weighed a ton. Greg said everyone cleared out of there when he pulled the guns out. Greg said Bubba wanted him to hold it but he didn't want to do that. He said he felt effeminate being around Bubba.
Greg said they took a call from a guy who was going to rob a bank and Bubba berated him for about 30 minutes. Then a woman came in to give hand jobs to men in a van out on the street. Greg said they held a cell phone up to the guy's heads as they were cumming. He said they had them sign releases so they could show the video. Greg said they were just going around picking guys up and giving them hand jobs. Greg said Bubba earned his spot on Howard 101. They went to break after that.
Howard talked about the Andy Dick Shit Show too since they had a clip of Tim talking about that. Howard said that Greg instigated that whole show because he had brought up the shed thing on his show with Andy. Howard said they did a whole show from his shed. Greg said Andy took a shit on his front lawn because he doesn't have a bathroom. He said the shed was actually nicer than he thought it would be. Howard said the shed is one that you'd buy at True Value or something like that. Howard said he had one like that at his old house when he was married. He said it didn't have a foundation or anything. He said that's what Andy is living in. That's his house.
Greg said they shot a show at Andy's house the year before and he had a tree in the pool and the house was a mess and Andy didn't care.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they have a story about Ebony magazine because they did an interview with Robin Quivers. They asked Robin if she's a sell out and questions like that. They asked her if she thought Howard was racist against blacks and things like that as well. Steve said it's a sad, bitter interview. Robin said that the black press has a problem with her working with Howard. She said she's supposed to be an angry black woman and they don't understand why she's not. Howard said Robin is like an Aunt Tomasina instead of an Uncle Tom.
Howard asked if it was an antagonistic interview. Robin said it wasn't really. She said that one of the funny questions she asked was about them sending an ''investigator'' up to Harlem and finding out that they had confused McCain and Obama's policies. Robin said they don't have an investigator there. Robin said it was just Sal who went up there.
Howard said the whole thing is so silly. He said it's such a limited view point. He said that Robin has made a dent in pop culture and they should talk to her about that.
Steve said that Rosie is scheduled to do Rosie O'Donnell's show today. She's also having her dinner with Rosie today too. Howard said he thinks the dinner will go more than two hours. Robin doesn't think she has that kind of time. She said she thinks it's just a tea and not a whole dinner. That whole thing is supposed to be happening today. Robin said she's going to have to wait to see what happens. Howard said he thinks that Robin will convince her to get thin and she will end up looking as good as Katy Perry.
Steve said that Chuck Zito claims the show Sons of Anarchy was his idea so he has a lawsuit starting. Howard said he's on Chuck's side in that. Howard said he believes whatever Chuck says. He said that everyone at FX went into hiding when that came up. Howard said they should just give chuck his money.
Steve said they have an update on KC Armstrong too and a guy has come forward to represent KC for free. They're going to try and get rid of the arrest warrant. Howard said KC needs to get his shit together.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the list of things they'd be going over today. Steve Brandano also came in with his Intern Show preview after that. They're still going to be talking to the new female interns they have there.
Robin read a story about a study that was done that found that obese women have a hard time finding partners but obese men don't have the same problem. Fred threw in some Tim Sabean clips during that discussion. They goofed on Tim for a few more minutes with those audio clips. Greg was laughing his ass off at those clips. Tim came in and said that he never liked Greg. He said a quick hello and ran out.
Robin read a story about a man who got caught behind a furnace and he was suck in his basement for 12 hours. Robin said he was trying to clean out a vent and his arm got stuck behind the furnace. Robin said the guy was terrified and spent the next 12 hours screaming for help. Robin said the guy ended up cutting his own arm off to get out. Howard said you'd think that he'd wait longer than 12 hours to do that. Robin said he got about half way through and the blood coming out was intense. He had to cut it off with a cable tourniquet. He didn't think it was going to work out so he gave up and 18 hours later they found him after friends had reported him missing. Howard said they had to take the whole arm off after that. Howard said it sounds fishy to him.
Robin read a story about a woman who has come forward saying that she has Tiger Woods baby. Howard said the woman's mother says that she's nuts though. The woman, Devin James, claims that Tiger is the only black man she had fucked so it has to be his. Howard said he thinks she would have come forward long ago if it was true though. They spent a few minutes talking about that story.
Robin read a story about a congressman who made a racial comment about President Obama. She had some audio of the guy, Steven King, talking about Obama on G. Gordon Liddy's radio show. He said something about him having a mechanism that favors the black man.
Robin read about the President talking about the oil spill last night on TV. Robin said that he's saying he will make BP pay for all of the clean up and all of the damage being done. He said that it will take many years to clean up. She had some audio of Obama talking about that. They spent some time talking about the mess down there and about Kevin Costner having that thing that can possibly clean up the oil.
Robin had some audio of Tiger Woods telling a reporter that it's none of his business what's going on between him and Elin. They had isolated Tiger saying ''It's none of your business'' so they'll probably be using that in the future.
Howard said it would be cool if Tiger went down to the gulf and cleaned up some of the oil with his mistresses. Greg and Howard were talking about how they could have the girls sucking the oil off the pelicans down there.
Robin read about the Celtics and the Lakers game last night. Robin said the Lakers kicked butt last night so Boston has to wait at least one more night before they can celebrate. Robin had some audio of Kobe Bryant talking about the game. They got back to Tim Sabean again and Craig was saying that those clips are just like the messages he gets from Tim on his answering machine.
Robin read about the World Cup and said that they're saying that there is luke warm interest in the games. Robin said that they say that people aren't tuning in like they thought they would. Robin said there are a lot of people saying they aren't watching at all.
Robin read a story about Michael Jackson's brother Randy. He's in the hospital with chest pains. Howard said the paper screwed up and showed a picture of Randy Jackson from American Idol instead of Randy Jackson from the Jackson 5. Howard said he loved that.
Robin read a story about Elton John's life partner David Furnish and how he's speaking out about Rush Limbaugh's party that Elton performed at. David is saying that Elton said that life is about building bridges so he did the performance. It was like an extension of an olive branch. Howard said he probably didn't even think about it and just took the million bucks.
Robin read a story about a canine influenza vaccine that's being tested. Robin read about how the flu had been spreading quickly with dogs that are housed with other dogs. Robin said no humans have contracted the virus so far. Howard joked that he had been a test subject for that stuff. He said that it was him and Curly from the Three Stooges that were tested.
Robin read a story about a boat that was stopped for fishing in an area that was closed off and they had shrimp from that area. They returned the shrimp to the area they caught them in.
Robin read a story about how someone is trying to get cell phone companies to be forced to tell people about the cell phone radiation at the point of sale.
Robin read a story about the guy she mentioned yesterday who goes to Afghanistan to hunt for Osama bin Laden. They had some audio of a guy talking about how this guy isn't crazy, he's just passionate. Howard said he thinks the guy is smart and he wants to go over there and find this guy that our own military can't seem to find. Howard said the guy went there with a sword and a gun and he wants the $20 million reward that's on his head.
Robin read a story about Eminem talking about how he had a drug problem. Howard said he didn't know that was going on. During that they mentioned that he had a partner that Howard hadn't heard of. Howard also said that there was a rapper who wanted to have a concert there in the city and he caused a riot.
Howard was still caught up in the guy who cut his arm off story. He said he still can't believe that guy did that. He said he would have waited longer than 12 hours to do that.
Robin had some audio of Tim Allen talking about the new Toy Story movie. Howard wondered what happened to his career. Greg said he does a lot of animated movies. Greg said he's still out there doing comedy at the Laugh Factory so he sees him once in a while.
Howard played the audio of Tim Allen talking about playing Buzz Lightyear in the Toy Story movies. Howard played about half a second and said he was done. Then he played more of it and listened for a few more seconds.
Robin read about the Jonah Hex movie and had some audio of Will Arnett talking about that. Howard said he met Will recently at the Jimmy Kimmel party. He said he doesn't know what he looks like but he apparently met him there. They talked about Will for a short time since he had dated Greg's wife for a while. She also dated Ben Stiller so Greg joked that he hears her talking in her sleep about Ben and Will.
Robin read about a DVD that's out now called ''Burma VJ'' and Richard Gere is involved with it. Robin had some audio of Richard talking about that DVD. Howard was making snoring sounds before it even started. Howard said he seems like a nice guy but he's not sure how anyone hangs with him. He said he's such a bore.
Howard said that Jeff the Drunk hosted a show while they were away and Jeff got a call from Tim Sabean. He said he was told he did a great job. That led to Fred playing more Tim clips. Greg said he was feeling so good until he heard these clips and this Jeff the Drunk thing. Greg was laughing his ass off.
Howard said High Pitch Eric got a call from Tim for the Craptacular too. He said it was the greatest show on earth. Jeff said that's what he was told. He said he was told he was the best. Howard said Jeff isn't kidding. He knows that Tim was going to call him. Greg said he's been on at midnight for 3 years and it's like a prison sentence.
Robin read that Cameron Diaz says she isn't in a relationship with A-Rod. Howard said he was happy to hear that. That led to Fred playing a bunch of Little Lupe audio clips while they talked about all of the women A-Rod gets. Robin said she would probably do him too if he wanted her. Howard said Cameron Diaz is looking really good these days too. Greg agreed. They ended the show a short time later, right around 11:00am.
Gary said they were lucky that all of the women were super fans of the show and they knew how it was all going to work.
Tim Sabean came in and said that it's tough to do business in the Howard Stern world when they make fun of him like that. He said it's all in fun but he's running the business for Howard every day. He kept saying ''It is what it is...'' Tim said he ''says what he means and he means what he says.'' he said they can take that audio drop too. Tim said he really had to go back to work. Gary told him to stay because they want to talk about this stuff.
Tim said that it's all in fun so ha ha ha. He said his feelings aren't hurt but he cares about how they're perceived there. Tim said it is the greatest place to work but it's also a business. He said people have to realize that and he hates being the asshole but that's his job. He said they can have fun with it but it makes it difficult.
Tim was joking about canceling Greg's show but he said he knows it was all in fun. Gary said he heard Greg telling Howard about some stuff he wanted to do about him and it kind of bummed him out. He said Greg must have seen his ball sack one time and he was going to throw him under the bus for that.
Jon said he's never seen Tim react like this before. Tim said he's just trying to do his job and he's not looking to be in the limelight. He said it does him no good when they do that to him.
Gary said that everyone in management has been part of the show. Tim said that sometimes they portray them like nitwits and that's not what he's about. He said he really has to go back to work.
Jon said that Tim is the most beloved there. Tim said he loves the fans and he loves the guys that work there so he thinks he has a good sensitivity for that stuff.
Gary said they always liked Tim when they were working with him. Even when he was in Philly and they were in New York it was great. Gary said that one of his favorite audio clips is Tim yelling out a ''Yahoo.'' Tim said that the station (WYSP) was the strongest ever and they had never been number one and it was an amazing feat. He said that's what led to that yell. Gary said they had set some records down there with WYSP in Philly and it really was an amazing thing.
Tim said that wherever Howard went he would blow people away. He said it was just wild and it went on and on and on. He said that it was incredible. Tim also talked about how it was like the mania that he saw with the Beatles when he was growing up.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it's nice when Tim makes those calls to the people there since they're not making a lot of money. Tim said he loves to back those people up and he's like a team player and he tells the people that it's not like a job, it's a lifestyle when they work there. Tim said that they're all enjoying the opportunity to have those jobs there.
The caller was telling Gary about his Sonos review on The Bonus Show being great too. Gary said he's been getting a lot of positive feedback about that stuff. Tim ran off back to work so Jon and Gary spent a few more minutes talking about how good he is at his job.
Jon asked the caller why he was an asshole for doing that. The caller thought that Howard had given Richard other stuff so Sal should have gotten it. Howard said that it would look good on Richard though so why would he give an ugly watch to someone that wouldn't wear it?
Richard said if Howard gave Sal a shirt that he thought he'd like then that would be fine. Sal said Howard did give him something one time that they didn't talk about on the air. He said he got a book that Peter Criss' wife had signed so he has given him stuff. Sal said he has been hurt by some stuff but not anymore. He said that the TV Richard got kind of bummed him out.
Sal said that Howard is a great guy and one time back at K-Rock it was his wife's birthday. He had forgotten about it and Richard told him to go out and buy something. He had no money in his wallet. He said Richard went in and told Howard about it and Howard reached into his pocket and put all of the money he had in his pocket and told him to take it. He said it was 500 bucks that he had in his pocket. Sal said the guy is a great guy.
Jon wanted to know how Richard was prancing around like Ronnie described it. Richard said he doesn't prance. He can't prance in his sneakers. Richard said that Ronnie had seen him and Sal talking about the watch and that's why he saw him talking about it. Sal said he did get a nice pat on the back from Howard that morning so maybe that was his sympathy thing.
Gary said he got an amazing gift from Howard one time. He said they were talking about grilling and Howard heard about how his had rusted out. Gary said they were talking about this nice Viking Grill and it showed up at his house like a week later. He said he still has that grill but he doesn't use it very often so his wife would give him a hard time about that.
Richard said that as long as Howard doesn't mind talking about it then it's cool that they're doing that today. Gary asked if it's the gift or is it the validation that he got something from him. Richard said that he never would have dreamed that he would get a TV from Howard Stern. He said it's pretty incredible.
Jon asked Sal about how Richard threw him under the bus about the fake cigarettes. Jon said that they're concerned for him. Jon said that he's better off smoking the real things. Sal said he doesn't want to smell like real smoke. He said he can't start smoking again. Sal said that the fake one is great because he can lay in bed smoking it. He said that the stuff is addictive too so he is addicted to that now.
Richard said that his mom stopped smoking by chewing gum. He said her teeth aren't so good now but she stopped smoking. Sal said he feels really good since he started smoking these fake things. He said everything is good except for his penis. Gary said that it's killing him. Sal was saying that caffeine is killing people too. Gary said he's deflecting now.
Sal said he can mix his own flavors with this stuff too. He said his kid caught him lying about it in his bed. He said that he had to tell the kid that it was for a movie he was doing and he had to smoke the fake ones. He said that the kids think that all cigarettes in the movies are fake now.
Sal said he has one now that plugs into the USB port in the computer. He said it's pretty amazing because it looks like he's smoking the computer.
Shuli came in and said that he has tried to stop smoking so he tried with the fake ones. He said he got migraines from them. He said his wife told him to just go back to smoking the real thing. Shuli said that's what he did to get away from the fake ones.
Richard said he smokes these things in the middle of restaurants and people think he's really smoking. Sal said he loves telling people that it's fake. Sal said he had a Russian woman make him out it out because she didn't want other people thinking he was smoking a real thing. Sal said he even smokes on the plane.
JD said that Sal is so proud of these things. He said he has one that plugs right into the computer. JD said it's so funny. Richard said it looks like a little campfire is going on next to him in the office. JD said you haven't lived until you've seen Sal watching porn and smoking the fake cigarette.
Jon asked Sal about the fake tan stuff he uses. Sal said he likes to touch up with the Fake Bake and if anyone goes to the beach they're doing the same thing. Gary said he goes to the beach but he puts on suntan lotion. Gary said he's not going to get tan like that.
Sal said that the sun is fine and there's nothing wrong with tanning. He said that's what most people do at the beach. Gary said that it's really vain what he's doing with his face. Sal said it's not vain. He said it's part of grooming yourself. He said people don't want to look at ugly people all the time. It's all about presentation and looking good. Sal said it's no big deal. Gary said that no one has ever died from being pale skinned. Sal said that the Jews were pale skinned and look at what Hitler did to them.
Sal said it's his face. He said he'll do what he wants to. Gary said that Fake Bake is for women. Sal said that women want to look good and he wants to look good. Sal threw out the name Wood Yee and said that their old engineer Steve Freed who played Wood Yee used to tell them about the Tan in a Can that they used to use. He said that Steve admitted he used it. Gary asked if anyone else had ever used a tanning bed. Teddy had once. No one other than Sal had used one.
Jon asked Sal about his thinning hair and if he would ever get a wig. Sal said he will not get a wig. He said he didn't like how they were ganging up on him today either. Sal said he's just receding in the front a little bit. Gary said he's like Helen Hunt with the big forehead.
Ronnie came in and went off on Sal for going outside and spraying the Fake Bake outside. Sal said that his wife noticed that the stuff was turning the bathroom pink. He said he was basically tanning the bathroom. He said his bathroom turned into The Situation (from Jersey Shore).
Sal said his wife came in and showed him the mess he was leaving in the bathroom so he had to start doing it outside. Sal said he looks outside and sprays his face while looking in the window reflecting. Ronnie said there's something wrong with that.
Gary wondered if there's anything he can do at home without his wife complaining about it. Sal said he clipped his toenails once and put his nails on his nightstand. He forgot to throw them away. He said his wife threatened to mix it in his iced tea if he did it again. Sal said he makes sure he gets rid of them now. He said it's like loving with Misery out there. They had to go to break after that.
The caller asked the guys if they stand up to wipe or sit down to wipe. Most of the guys sit and lean. Gary stands. Greg Fitzsimmons said he sits and goes in deep. The caller won a Sonos system for that call.
Jon asked Greg about the Tim Sabean discussions and if those clips they played and the calls he got made him feel any worse. Greg said he was stuck in Tim's office talking to him for 40 minutes about doing another show. He said Tim might think that his power is being undermined when he gets goofed on like that. Greg said that Howard was only attacking him for feeling so good about the calls he was getting from Tim.
Shuli asked Gary if he feels that Howard making him smell his fart took away his credibility. Gary said that he lost a bet there so he doesn't think it did.
Jon took a call from Ralph who said that Howard doesn't need to point out that Tim is insincere. He said that's pretty obvious. Sal said that's Ralph talking. Ralph said he loves Tim and he loves that he compliments him. He said he can compliment everyone and he's fine with that.
Ralph said that Sal is the smartest one in the studio and everyone looks better with a tan. He said Jon is a little pasty and needs some sun. Ralph said that he's just evening out the tan with the fake stuff. Jon said it's a little weird the way he does it. Ralph told Sal not to use the spray. He said he has this stuff called Australian Gold Dark Tanning Accelerator and it works really well. It's like a lotion with a little color in it. Gary said that no man should have a bronzer in their cabinet.
The guys also asked Ralph about shaving Howard down. Ralph said that he was just doing his job. He was also talking about the stuff that Sal is smoking and how he tried it once and it felt like poison to him.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that Howard should use corn starch on his balls instead of talc. Greg asked if she ever uses them on her breasts. She said she absolutely does. She said that it works great too. Sal asked how heavy she is. She said she's like 210 pounds and she puts it in the folds of her skin too.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Greg was doing a phenomenal job on the show today. Greg thanked him for that. Gary said that Greg is probably their most frequent guest. Greg said he just tries not to fuck up the show too much. He said he hates going to web sites where they talk about the show. He said it's funny to read about other people though.
Greg said that he talked to Howard about going out to the Hampton's but Howard just smiled and shook his head. He thinks that's an invite though. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about Robin's dinner with Rosie O'Donnell yesterday. Robin said Rosie has a very lovely woman in her life and she eats very healthy so she didn't need to try and convert her. Robin said Rosie just wanted to know what it was like for her. Robin said she did end up having dinner with her. She said Rosie had a large salad as her meal. Robin said she's saying she was probably going to eat healthy while she was with her. Howard said she's looking forward to her looking like Katy Perry in a few weeks.
Robin said Rosie has given up soda so that's a good start. Robin said even the diet soda is no good for you. She said that she didn't feel like the diet police or anything either. She said that it's all about the person who is eating and what they want to do. Robin said she used to go out with Richard Simmons to eat and he'd go around yelling at people for what they were eating. He was the food police.
Robin said she spoke to Rosie about the retreat she went to and things like that. Robin said the dinner lasted for a couple of hours. Howard said he knew that was going to happen. Robin said Rosie spoke just as much as she did. They didn't just talk about the food thing either. Rosie is going to come to her 15 Foundation comedy night at Caroline's. Howard said that's good.
Howard said he's glad that the talk got through to Rosie. Robin said it wasn't her talk that got through to her. She said that Rosie was already starting with the healthy eating. She has a garden and she's had fresh vegetables from the garden. Howard laughed.
Robin talked about the place they went to eat and Howard said he doesn't like that. Robin said that Joellen's is very good and she loves it. Howard said he doesn't like it. Robin said it's a vegan friendly place. Howard said he would love it if Rosie got super thin after talking to Robin.
Howard said Kathy Griffin was on The View and Elisabeth Hasselbeck turned to Kathy and told her that she has some nerve coming on there and pretending that she doesn't say anything about them. Kathy told her to bring it on. That led to them talking over one another. He said they were all involved in their own conversations like a 3 ring circus. Howard said he can't multi-task so he doesn't want that kind of thing going on. Howard said Shari Sheppard ended it and went to commercial.
Howard said Kathy isn't afraid to mix it up and they cut away from it. He said he doesn't get how that show is even on the air. Howard said they start doing something good and they cut it off but they're also talking over one another. He said he'd tune right out if he was watching the show.
Howard played the clip even though he was going to save it until Kathy came in today. He played the clip and Howard was right, they were all speaking over each other. Howard said no one can possibly watch this show. He gets a headache watching and listening. Howard said if their show was like that it would sound like this and played a bunch of clips of people yelling over one another.
Howard said they just won't shut up and he's not sure how anyone watches that show. Howard said Elisabeth was saying something interesting and the segment could have been really good if everyone wasn't talking over each other. He said they could have had a great segment there.
Howard said he'd go crazy if he was in there that day. Robin asked if Whoopi was here that day. Howard said she wasn't there. Howard wondered how they're supposed to handle that. He said it's like a tower of babble. Robin said it seems to be working for them.
Howard said Mark invited him to the wedding but he's not going. He said it's out in California. He said he wouldn't fly out there for anyone but his kids or his wife. Howard said he went out there for his daughter a while ago.
Howard said he got a thing in the mail announcing Mark's wedding registry. It's linked to Hermes which is a really expensive place. Howard said the guy has tons of money and he didn't even want to go to the link to look. Howard said he's not going to the wedding and he's not going to buy something from this registry. Howard said you donate something to charity in their name or something like that. Howard said that's what he and Beth did. He said he didn't want people buying him gifts. He said he wouldn't do that to people.
Howard said he was going to send Mark a bottle of wine or something. Then he found out that Mark sent Beth an email saying that he didn't want the email sent to Howard. He wanted it sent to Beth but not to him. Howard said the memo was between him and his assistant and Beth. He said that this guy is a pisser. He said he loves the guy but he wondered what the hell he's doing. He said that he's been watching all of these internal emails that Beth has been getting.
Howard wanted to go on the registry to show Robin. He thought he left it at home. He said he might have it in his Blackberry though. Howard said he'll forward it to Jason so he can bring it up on the computer. Howard said Cronin is a pisser. He said a rich guy shouldn't ask for gifts. This is his second marriage too so that's even worse. Howard said the guy is in his late 40s and he doesn't need this stuff. Howard said they should call the wedding off based on this.
Howard went through his mail on the Blackberry and tried to find the link. Howard said it wasn't from Cronin so he had to search around for it. Howard said they made sure he got that link. Howard wondered if Robin would have that reaction too. Robin said ''absolutely.'' Howard said this is Cronin's worst nightmare having him talk about this.
Howard found the mail and told Jason to print it out or give him the link. Howard told Beth he was going to do this on the air. He said he doesn't see Cronin that often. He was at their wedding. He said he did have Mark out to his house last summer. He said he met the fiancee. Howard said Mark should writer everyone a note saying it was temporary insanity.
Gary said that anyone who has a registry when they get married over 30 is wrong. He said it's for people who are just starting out. Gary said Jason printed out the email and they don't have an online registry so they have a phone number to call. Howard said there was a link. Jason came in and told Howard they say in the email that they have to call or visit the store to see what's unfulfilled. They have some other registry stuff with Neiman Marcus though so they can go on that link.
Howard said they're going to find out how the Bang My Father date went yesterday. He said you're never sure what's going to happen since this was a gift. He said that he's not sure anyone got banged or not. Howard said they might be prostitutes but they don't have to do anything. Howard said they could have gotten to the hotel and had no chemistry. They've had that happen before where things went horribly wrong. He said that they should find out later on what happened. Howard said the girls seemed like they were a lot of fun.
Jason told Howard he had the Crate and Barrel registry up. He was having trouble with the link for Neiman Marcus. Howard said he had a creamer server on this one. He said that he might get him something cheap off of this registry list. Howard said he wants to see the Hermes and Neiman Marcus lists. He said he had a cheese dome on this one. He had a picnic basket on the list too. Howard said he would get him that. It's only 45 bucks. Howard said there were some things that they did get off the list. There was a desert dish for $2.50. He said maybe you buy 10 of them or something. They had a Cuisinart Griddler on the list. Howard asked if Cronin can't afford the Griddler. Howard goofed on Mark about that for a short time. He found some other stuff on the list to goof on Mark about too.
Jason came in and told Howard he found the Neiman Marcus registry list and told him about the $100 fork that he wanted. He wanted a decanter too. Howard said he might get him that decanter. Howard said the picnic basket is still available. Howard went through that stuff and tried to find something cheap to buy Mark.
Howard got to the Neiman Marcus list and read through some of the items on that list. Howard said he was just going to get the guy a bottle of wine. He read about a $370 tray. He said he could get him that even though he's not going to the wedding. Howard said that's just him. He said no matter what he sends to the guy it's not going to be good enough.
Howard said it's odd that he needs a Griddler. Howard said the guy is his age and he's got a wedding registry. Howard said maybe he's opening a restaurant. He did an impression of Mark's laugh that he remembered from years ago. Fred did it as well. Howard said he has all of Mark's emails about this. He loves that.
Howard said he's going to send him the picnic basket filled with CDs of him talking about this. Robin said he should send him a greeting card that talks and have him talking about this.
Wheels asked if Robin got hit on by Rosie. Robin said that Rosie is with someone and she wasn't hitting on her. Wheels said that Rosie has live chickens at her house now. Robin said Rosie does have chickens.
Wheels said that Rosie also has a squirrel that comes to her window that she feeds and she said she spray painted it to make sure it was the same one coming back.
Howard said Robin comes off like an expert on these shows she goes on. Robin said she's just talking about what she believes in.
Wheels said that if we don't support BP then how are they going to pay us back. Howard said they're not going to be able to pay us back. Howard said President Obama was going to shake them down for like $20 billion. Howard said he doesn't think they'll lay out that kind of money. He said they'd rather go bankrupt before that will happen. Robin said they can afford it but he's probably right. Howard said FOX News was defending BP last night. Howard said you would have thought that they were the greatest company in the world.
Howard said Sean Hannity was upset for BP. He may love them more than he loves his own kids. Howard said they could have avoided all of this for $450,000. Howard said Sean Hannity was saying they don't have the money to pay for this.
Wheels wondered how Howard can watch that stuff on FOX. He figured Howard was just watching for the hot chicks they have on there. Howard said they do have hot chicks on there a lot. Wheels tried to get in a plug for someone but Howard ended up hanging up on him.
Howard said he heard that Robin's assistant was on Sean Hannity as an expert on something. Benjy said she wrote for the Washington Times.
Ass Napkin Ed called in and asked who paid for Robin and Rosie's dinner. Robin said Rosie paid because she had to change the date a couple of times. Ed asked Howard if he can help out his charity. Howard said he can't do anything. Ed wanted to talk about 17 fragrances that were cancer causing. Howard said he had to get going when he brought that up.
Robin said she had heard about her before. Howard said she made it through to the next round on America's Got Talent. Robin said that Howie Mandel is taking over the show. Howard said that Piers Morgan is on that show and he's rumored to be taking Larry King's slot on CNN. Howard said CNN is denying that though. He said they're saying that they're not replacing Larry.
Howard said Piers seems like a nice guy and he's got his own show in England that does well. He said he's going to be allowed to do America's Got Talent too. Howard said CNN is afraid to say that they're replacing Larry and they're denying it in the news like it's not going to happen. Howard said someone is lying. He said the story can't be that much of a lie.
Howard read the article where they say that Piers is taking over for Larry in November. The show will phase King out around that time. Howard said he's quitting his interview show in England. Howard said they found out about this because of his canceling of the show in England. Howard said CNN is saying that they don't comment on contract negotiations. They say that Larry will remain a part of the CNN family. Howard said that could mean anything though.
Howard said this is like when a comedian says he killed or made people laugh until they puked. He said Sour Shoes actually did that. Robin said she's never heard of laughing so hard that you puke. Howard said you know she's not cleaning up the puke either.
Howard played the call and it was clips of Steve Langford talking to some random guy that Sal and Richard called. The clips were of Steve talking to Benjy about being a liar and things like that. The guy was going off on Steve telling him not to call anymore. He said he'd have him chased down. Robin laughed really hard at one point. Howard asked Robin if she liked it. Robin said there was no point to it but it was kind of funny when the guy went off on Steve calling him names.
Howard said if he got a call like that he would just hang up. He said some people just have to argue. Howard said people like to fight no matter what. He said maybe he made the wrong call and he should put it on the air. Robin said it was funny but not their greatest work.
Howard said he heard Tim Sabean was upset with him on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. He had some of those clips to play too. Howard said Tim is thinking that his credibility is hurt when they make fun of him on the show.
Howard played a clip of Tim talking about that. He was saying it's hard to run the business when he has that going on. He said people have to know it is a business.
Howard said people should think that it's a mad house there. He doesn't want people thinking they're running a business there. He said Tim is really upset about that. Howard asked where Tim's suit is if this is a business. Tim came in and said that the business is built on relationships and he's trying to treat them with respect. Howard asked what his problem is. Tim said he doesn't have a problem. Tim said he likes to thank people for helping them out with shows and things like that. That's all he's doing.
Howard asked Tim who doesn't know this is a business. Tim said Howard knows how it is out there. Howard said it sounds like he has to deal with people like Ronnie and JD that they can't piss on each other out in the hall.
Howard said Gary had a doctor's appointment yesterday and they had a meeting going on there with the sales people. They asked Gary to say a few words to the sales people before he left. Gary went to the meeting and told Tim he had to go. He said Tim wanted to talk first and he'd only talk for 5 minutes. He said Gary reminded him he waned to leave soon. Gary saw that Tim had a 17 page Powerpoint presentation in his hands. Howard said Gary wondered how he was going to talk for 4 minutes with a 17 page presentation.
Gary said Tim went on at 1 and he got on at 1:35. He had a 1:30 doctor's appointment. Tim said he got on a roll and he waned to give Gary a proper introduction. He said this is an exciting place to be. Gary said Ross knew it wasn't going to be a 5 minute talk.
Gary said Tim got up there and they were clicking away on the Powerpoint presentation. He said he asked Jim McClure to hand him the print out and there were 15 pages left after 5 minutes. Gary said he went on for 35 minutes. Gary said he got to the doctor a half hour late. He said it was his podiatrist that he went to.
Howard wondered why Gary has to go to the foot doctor. Gary is still trying to get rid of his toe fungus. Gary said he didn't go there to have her clip his nails. He said the toe fungus is almost gone but his nails are doing much better than they used to be doing. He said for a while there they would turn to dust when he'd cut them.
Howard said he's not sure what to think. He said it's like he's going to have his hooves clipped. Howard said it's funny how Tim thinks he's going to talk for 5 minutes and goes on for 35. Robin said he should have let Gary go first.
Howard played some more Wrap Up Show clips of Tim rambling on and on about why he does what he does there. He had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that in South Africa you can't have any ambush marketing. He asked Robin if he knew what he meant. Robin didn't. Howard said it's when you do ads without permission at a sporting event. He said a bunch of people were arrested at some event down in South Africa for doing that.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa said that Scott the Engineer is going to be spinning with DJ Hollywood down in Atlantic City this weekend. Lisa showed Howard the ad they have in the Village Voice this week. Howard said Scott is the guy who they forget to invite to parties. Howard said he hopes that they realize it's a goof that they have Scott there. Scott is going to be performing at Harrah's down there in A.C.
Scott came in and said that he won't be leaving until Howard leaves. He said this is his back up plan. Scott said the people come and have a good time.
Lisa said that Eric the Midget is being harassed by email and now he wants to buy a gun. He added what he thought was a gun to his Amazon wish list but it turned out to be a gun sight. Eric is hoping to scare off some of the haters out there by owning a gun. Lisa said they asked Eric if he can hold a gun with his hands and Eric said that they are hands and not lobster or crab claws like some people think.
Lisa said that Joey Boots has registered a web site where he wants to post video of him kissing dogs. He wants to put the videos up on his web site and sell products. Ronnie and Richie have agreed to let him kiss their dogs.
Howard said that the girls didn't have to have sex with the guy but he guesses they hit it off on the date. Cami said they did. She said they like to fuck and then feed. She said they took him to the hotel first and then went out to eat.
Howard asked how it went for Mark. Mark said he joined right in on it. The girls said they did have sex with him. Howard asked if he was good in bed. Cami said he was very good in bed. She told him to stick out his tongue for her. Cami said they had a really good time. Camryn said she did too.
Howard asked if the girls like their jobs because some people say that prostitutes don't like their jobs. They both said they love what they do. Mark is ready to move out there closer to the girls.
Howard asked if the girls fell for Mark. They both liked him. Cami said he lasted like 2 hours. They had to take a break in the middle of it. Mark said when he felt like there was going to be an explosion he would switch girls. Howard asked Kelly how she felt about this. Kelly said she heard the stories and it's unbelievable that he was such a stud.
Howard asked the girls if two hours was a bit much. The girls said they were able to make it work. They were playing with each other too.
Howard asked Mark if he could feel the presence of his departed wife and her giving her approval. Mark said that she told him to move on with his life when she was dying. The girls said they saw a picture of her and she was beautiful. Kelly said she thinks that she was looking down smiling. Howard said he thinks she was spinning in her grave. Howard said he's very happy for Mark though.
Howard said he's very happy for Mark. Mark said he's ready to move. The girls were still touching him this morning. The girls were saying they'd like to meet Beth too. Howard mentioned that she was coming in to interview Robin today.
Howard gave the girls some plugs and said that you can find them on Bunnyranch.com and on Cathouse on HBO. He went to break a short time later.
Howard said Katy is just about naked in the video for that song Fred was playing. He said she has Jenny McCarthy's face. He said she's got dark hair though. Howard said he heard Katy was wearing a whipped cream bikini in her video and it was better than that. He said she was barely dressed. He said she's super hot now. He said she was good looking when she was on the show but she seems to have lost a few pounds. He said he's not sure the thing with Russell Brand is going to work out. They're both too crazy to make that last.
Howard said Gary stays up too late. He said Gary is getting older now and yesterday he fell asleep during the show around 9 when he should be working. Howard said Gary is a super involved dad and he's just wearing himself out staying up too late. He stays up until 11. Howard said he needs Gary awake during the show.
Howard said he didn't confront him about it but he has proof. Howard said he was snoring away in the 9 o'clock hour. Howard said he ate every black and white cookie they had their from Crumbs bakery. He said that's just disgusting.
Gary came in and said that he didn't fall asleep. He said he did close his eyes. Gary said he was never out. Howard said he was snoring and he knows he was sleeping. Gary said he wasn't sleeping. The Howard TV guys showed the video and he did look like he was out. Gary admitted it did look that way. He said he didn't eat every cookie either.
Howard said Gary was out. He said they'll show the video on Howard TV and he was sleeping. Gary said he's never done that before. He admitted it was disrespectful to the show. Howard goofed on the way Gary was licking his lips while he was sleeping. Gary didn't know what was going on there. Howard said Gary was out of it and he had his chair reclined. Howard said they have to stay awake during the show. He said that's a prerequisite for the show.
Gary said he does go to bed too late. He said he was up late the night before. Howard told him he has to watch the cookie thing too. Gary said the cookies were the small ones so they weren't the big ones. He just treats himself on Wednesday. Howard asked if he can make the show more exciting for him to help keep him awake. Gary said it's not about that.
Howard told Gary it's kind of a bummer that he did that. Howard said the Howard TV guys told him about the tape and he said he had to see it. Howard said he doesn't watch everything they do there. He said he just expects people to put in a hard day's work. Howard said if a guy is going to sleep on the job then he thinks that they are a baby. Howard said this is offensive to him as Benjy showing up late. He said it's just as disrespectful.
Howard said this happened with Gary one time when Mel Karmazin was giving a tour to some people. He found Gary sleeping in the green room. Howard said Mel had to say ''excuse me'' to Gary. Howard did his impression of Gary waking up and saying he was sorry. Howard said Gary would have been fired that day if he wasn't there to save Gary. He said Gary licks his teeth and lips when he's sleeping so that's kind of weird.
Howard did his Gary impression and licked his lips and choppers. He was goofing on him for a few minutes about that.
Robin said she's thinking that maybe she should do something like that. Howard said he could do it on Howard TV. He said he'd pick the guys for her. Robin said no way to that. She wanted nothing to do with that idea.
Howard said he thinks they could come up with a budget for that show. He said they'd need at least 12 guys and they could send Robin off on dates. Robin said she wants to go to Iceland. Howard said Robin would have to shoot during vacation though so she'd have time to go on the dates. They could shoot it in Paris or somewhere like that. Howard said it would be a great show. Howard asked if she would do it. Robin told him to see if they can put it together first. Howard said he will talk to Doug Z. Goodstein about it and see what he says. Robin didn't seem to think they could make it happen.
Howard said that Robin has to do it and she can't back out of being on camera if she gets upset. Howard said this is going to be the biggest thing to hit Howard TV. He said maybe he could get Henry Hill and Al Gore to participate. Howard said maybe even Sam Simon would be one of the dates. Howard asked if she'd let Larry David on the show. She said she would.
Howard said he wants to get guys like Piers Morgan and people like that too. He said he thinks he can find plenty of guys to participate in this thing. He said he knows people that Robin might be into.
Howard said he'd try to get Toby Maguire and Shaq types too. Robin doesn't want Shaq because he's too tall. Howard asked if he has to be super beautiful. Robins said they don't. She just wants a great guy and he doesn't have to be hot.
Howard asked Robin if she'd go out with Sully Sullenberger. Robin said yes to that. He asked about Tracy Morgan. Robin said she's not sure that would work. Howard said he has to find a husband for Robin. He said he might start off with 50 guys and have Robin speed date and narrow it down to 12. Howard said Robin could give out colonics instead of roses.
Howard asked if Kevin Costner is attractive. Robin said she wouldn't like his personality. Howard said he might be able to get his valet but not Kevin.
Howard asked Goodstein if he can make this happen or is he wasting his time. Doug said he's pretty sure he can make it happen.
Howard mentioned David Spade and Robin said she can't date him. Howard said that he ran across the Time Magazine that David Spade had said something about him in. He said they gave David a couple of paragraphs about him and it was so wonderful but back then he had gone off on Spade for what he had written. Howard said he's a maniac and he's so sorry he went off on Spade. Robin said Howard always does this. He looks back on things and changes his mind a couple of years later. Howard said he knows he's like that. He did that with Artie's gift of the Neil Young lithograph. Howard said he did that with Gary with the grooming kit he got. Gary said that Howard told him he liked it while they were in the pool after going off on him on the air.
Gary said Spade is coming in on Monday and he thinks that he's bringing Chris Rock with him. Howard said he's going to apologize to him then. He said he has grown a little bit because nothing was ever good enough to him. He said now he can appreciate some things. He said he really went berserk over some stuff in his life. That's what he did to David and he's very sorry about that. He appreciates what he wrote for that Time magazine.
Fred said that the story might be interesting. Howard said he doesn't feel sorry for the dude because he killed people. Fred wondered why they wait so long to kill these people. He said this happened like 14 years ago. Howard said he might want to live now that he's had time to think about it. Now it might be more punishment than it was back then.
Fred said he read about this guy and he didn't have a good life. He said he was sniffing glue on the streets before he was 10.
Howard had the brother on the phone. His name is Randy. Randy said that this is pretty traumatic for the family. He said this is his younger brother that's going to die. Randy said he started out the same way as his brother did. He said his brother wasn't learning very well when they were young and that's why he was out doing what he did. Randy said he stayed on the straight and narrow a little more than his brother. He said he did about 7 months of jail time though. Howard asked Randy if this surprises him at all. randy said he knew something like this could happen.
Howard asked how his brother got into the show. Randy said his brother Ronnie always thought he was a straight guy. Howard asked when he listened. Howard said they were on in Salt Lake City for a while so he must have listened then on terrestrial radio.
Howard asked why his brother wants to be killed by a firing squad. He said he wants to do the eye for an eye thing and he thinks that it's going to be a faster way to die. Randy said his brother feels he deserves it.
Robin asked if he visits his brother much. Randy said he does. He said he has 2 kids and a few grand kids too. Howard asked how he pulled that off. Randy said he got his girl pregnant when he was like 15 years old. He would escape from lock up facilities so he'd get out and knock the girl up.
Howard asked if he feels his brother should be killed. Randy said he thinks his brother has repented and he wanted to take kids in his situation and try to help them out. He said they were going to do that on their family farm.
Gary asked about the first guy Ronnie killed. Randy said that he's made peace with that family. He said that the son of that guy had made up with him and forgiven him.
Howard asked about Randy told Howard how the firing squad thing is going to work and if he's going to go. Randy said he has been asked not to go. They have one gun with a live bullet in it and the rest are blanks. Randy said that they do that so the people don't feel guilty after they shoot him. He said they probably know who had the blanks though.
Randy said there are only like 4 other people on death row out there in Utah. He said they may do away with it after this. He said they're the only ones with the firing squad. Howard said this is the first guy to die by firing squad in 14 years.
Gary asked if his brother was able to have sex in prison. Randy said he broke through a glass wall a few years ago. He did have sex but she didn't get pregnant. Howard didn't understand how he broke through the wall. Randy said he threw something through the glass partition. Howard said it must be tough to do that and have sex with her while the guards are trying to take you down.
Howard asked Randy if his brother is ready to die. Randy said he is ready. He just got close to his granddaughter and he's feeling guilty about that but he's ready to go. Howard asked how he ended the conversation. Randy said that he had the warden in the room with him for most of the time. He said they were able to have contact in the last few minutes. He said his brother asked him to take care of his kids for him.
Howard said it is kind of weird to think about what to say to someone you know is going to be dead soon. Randy said there was a lot of saying ''I'm sorry'' and a lot of hindsight. He said his brother never wanted to be locked up and he wanted to escape and that's what led to that killing. He said he had escaped at other times too. He said he was quite a notorious kid.
Randy said that they used to watch Little House on the Prairie and cry together. He said that he was taken by the state and raised by them and that can happen to someone when that happens.
Howard said people must look at Randy like he's a murderer too. Randy said that does happen. He said the state is full of haters out there. He said that they're not very Christian like out there in Utah. Howard said he gets like that too though. He said when someone kills another man he believes in killing a man like that. Howard said he could pull the trigger on the firing squad.
Randy doesn't think it's fair that they kept him on death row for 25 years and now they kill him. He said that they should have done it long ago. Fred agreed with him on that. He said it's not humane to keep them around that long and then kill them.
Randy said that his brother was a result of being raised by the state and they really need to do something about that. Howard said he knows Randy is suffering. He said he's not happy about that. He said it must be confusing to him. The kids and grand kids are suffering too. They didn't deserve that either.
Randy said he hopes they can all just move on with their lives after this. He said he doesn't believe that anyone has the right to kill anyone else unless they're being threatened. Howard asked how they pick the firing squad. Randy said they draw names from the police and they get paid to do that. Howard let Randy go a short time later.
Howard said the whole situation just blows there. Robin said they do have to make sure they have the right man and all of that. Fred said if they see the guy doing it they should put him to death right away. Howard said you do feel bad for a guy who didn't have parents to raise him and he's walking around in a diaper on the streets. Howard said he feels bad because the guy was a fan.
Howard said that was a fuckin' bummer of a segment. He said that was Gary who brought it up to him. He said all he wanted to know was how he was a fan of the show. Howard said Gary did that so he could sleep through the segment. He said he feels really bad for the brother. He said that guy is going through a lot. He said he can't help feeling bad for someone who is getting killed though. Howard said he thinks that he could pull the trigger on someone like this Ronnie who took two lives. Howard said he's not positive he could but he thinks he might be able to.
Howard said he thinks he'd be able to pull the trigger on Osama bin Laden. Robin said she could do that. Howard asked why she could do that for him and not for this Ronnie guy. Robin said it was personal with Osama. She said that he created trauma for everyone there in New York. He was trying to kill them all. Howard said he wanted to change the subject. He said he does feel bad for the guy when he talks about his childhood but that's no excuse for killing someone.
After playing the drum solo Richard came in and said that it's actually being played but it might have been some electronic drums that he was playing. Howard said he was thinking about how David Lee Roth had to make a song out of that. He said he's not sure where they'd come up with a vocal to that whacked out drum and guitar. Howard had Fred play more of the song and said there's no way someone could come up with a vocal. Robin said maybe the song came first and then the wacky drum and guitar came later. Howard said he's not sure how it came up but it's a great song.
Howard said he believes that Van Halen is one of the best bands ever and David Lee Roth was the best front man ever. Howard was talking about this as the song was playing. Howard said he was marveling at this song and played it about 10 times yesterday. He said it was an amazing song and it became a huge hit. The video was great too. Howard said the hot chick in the video probably looks heinous now though. Richard said one of his first boners was to that video.
Howard said this is the David Lee Roth they should know. He said the radio show just fucked him. Richard said that David is in amazing shape and back to where he used to be. Howard said he once hit himself with a sword while he was doing a kata on stage. He said he was whacked out with that stuff too.
Howard said that was some song and a great video. He said that chick in the video was so hot too. Richard said he saw a story about that video and he thinks she was a Playboy model. JD came in and said he looked it up and found that it twas two women and one was a Playboy chick and the other one was Janet Jones. Howard sounded shocked by that. Howard said he didn't know that. She's the chick that married Wayne Gretzky. Richard said that he admires anyone who can make something over music like that.
Howard said this Alvin Green guy is still fascinating to him. He said that he's been reading about the guy graduating USC and being a 13 year army vet. Howard said the guy deserves some respect for being a veteran.
Howard had some audio clips of this Alvin Green guy being asked about what he thinks about some policies and things. Green didn't really have any good answers for the questions he was being asked. Howard said they asked the guy how he had $10,000 for his filing fee. He won't answer the question when they ask about that. Green was asked how he produced the money between November and March and Green would just say that people are trying to call him all day long. He wasn't answering the question. He kept saying he had a beef too and he'd just thank the reporter and say he had to leave.
Howard said this is a really strange situation. He said the guy got 60 percent of the vote and a lot of people had no idea who they were voting for. Howard said some people thought he was Al Green the singer. Howard said the senate usually gets a lot of attention but not with this guy. Howard had to go to break after that.
Kathy was looking skinny according to Robin. Kathy said she's trying to be anorexic but it's very tough because she's hungry all the time. Howard said he saw her doing some material in her special. He said it was good whatever it was he saw. He said that her body is looking good too. Kathy took off her jacket to show off a little bit.
Kathy said she can't take her shirt off because she's 49. Howard told her to just do it. She wasn't going to. She said her ass has cellulite but it looks okay in pants.
Howard asked who she's dating. Kathy said she dates waiters and bar backs. She said that a lot of guys are happy to just get laid. Howard asked if she finds love. She doesn't care about love. She said she only cares about winning Emmys and awards.
Kathy said that Beth was great on Jimmy Kimmel's show. She said Jimmy was great with her too. She said she has a bone to pick with Howard though. Howard asked if she was happy to be on The View again since she was banned at some point. Kathy said that she has been banned and unbanned a few times.
Kathy said she was at the Yankees game and someone came up to her and said she wanted to say hi to her thinking she was Ellen. Howard wondered why someone would make a mistake like that. Kathy said that a lot of straight guys are like that and they confuse her with a lot of people.
Howard said Kathy was on The View the other day and everyone was talking over each other like a tower of babble. Kathy said she likes Barbara and she was upset that she wasn't there that day. Kathy said she likes a lot of people that don't like her. She really likes Barbara Walters but Barbara doesn't like her. She said that Whoopi and Barbara were both not there. She said that she was there with a couple of other people on the show and Tori Spelling had called in sick. She said she actually saw it before they knew Tori wasn't going to show up.
Howard said they were talking about this and they got the feeling that Elisabeth hates Kathy. Kathy said that she's always selling her show or whatever and she kind of noticed that Elisabeth wasn't paying attention. She said that she may have had other things on her mind. She also didn't stand up to greet her. Howard said that Elisabeth started to complain about something that Kathy had said about them and Kathy stood right up to her telling her to bring it on. Kathy said that's what she loves about live TV. Howard said they started having side discussions and talked over each other like they were having their own conversations. Then they went to commercial. He said that's just bad TV.
Kathy said she was on the show the day after the Rosie and Elisabeth fight and she lives for that kind of stuff. Kathy loves to fight on the air. Kathy said she has never said anything that bad about The View. She said he may have made fun of Elisabeth about where she came from on TV and how funny it is that we have to listen to her views.
Kathy was wondering why Fred ignores her. Howard said he's a married man so he can't get involved. Kathy went on to talk about how she's 49 years old now and she's not ruining anyone's career with her words. She said on The View she wanted to shake on it with Elisabeth. She said she did that off the air but she rolled her eyes. Kathy said that Elisabeth mimicked kicking her in the butt on her way out. She said that Elisabeth is the same person who kisses Donald Trump's ass when he's on the show and then bad mouths him when he's not. She said that she should know her place. Kathy said she knows her place and that's why she says she's on the D-list. Elisabeth should learn where her place is and stop pretending she's something she's not.
Howard told Kathy that he thinks it's amazing that she has Liza Minelli and Ryan Seacrest on her show this season. Kathy said she went to lunch with Ryan who she was having a feud with for months. Kathy said that the most famous ones can laugh and it's actually the D-listers who take it too seriously. She said that Elisabeth thinks she's A-list and she's a D-lister.
Howard asked Kathy about doing Larry King's show and why she didn't ask him about this wife. Kathy said she's banned from too many shows. She said that her mother, who is 90, was on the show and she picked up her cake by the frosting. Howard said he would have asked Larry about it if he was on. He said he has mixed it up with Larry pretty good before. Kathy said Larry doesn't care about that stuff and he just goes on with the show no matter what. She said that she is curious about his personal life though. Howard and Kathy talked about Larry's ratings and who they think should replace him. Howard said he heard that his ratings have dropped and he's not sure who should replace him.
Kathy said her mother loves FOX News and she thinks she does that just to hurt her. She said that Bill O'Reilly made her mother the Patriot of the Week and that's like a dagger to the heart. Kathy said her mother does have a book coming out this summer. She's as sharp as a tack and she loves putting her in her place. Kathy lived with her mother until she was 28 years old. Kathy said she wasn't growing up properly and she was convinced she could never made anything of herself. She was a Kelly girl temp for a while. Her mom gave her a hard time about that so she does have issues.
Kathy wondered how Howard got Beth. Howard said women like him. He said he watches The Bachelorette and the guys on the show are such assholes. Howard said that he's so not an asshole that women love him. Howard said that the guys on that show are douche bags. Kathy said they're almost in love with each other. Howard said he and Beth talk and he's interested in her so they get along really well. He said that's why Beth loves him.
Kathy said that Cher loves Ron Zimmerman because he listens to her. She said Howard is right about that stuff. Howard said he knows Ron and he has talked about Ron going out with Cher. Howard said he thinks it's a great thing. He said that it did shock him at first but Ron has found love now. He said that they adore each other and it will work out great. Kathy wanted to call Howard and tell him about this whole thing. She wants to know what he thinks of their relationship. Howard said he doesn't know them that well. He said Cher doesn't like him but he adores Ron. He said Ron is his guy. He said Ron is a guy who he saw do stand-up comedy like 30 years ago. He said he did the most brilliant comedy ever. He said he was one of the first guests he had on his show in Washington DC. He said he thinks that they'll be happy together.
Howard asked Kathy if she has seen Paris Hilton naked. Kathy said she has. Howard said he had a guy on the show who wanted to ask about that. Kathy said Paris was on her show and Paris was very easy to work with. She said they were changing in the bathroom together in a hotel and she did see her naked. She said that she's very thin and she doesn't do drugs so she can keep the youthful face. She said she doesn't know that for sure but that's what she believes. Kathy said Paris did great on the show and she knew when to flick the switch. She said her body is fantastic and her tits are real. She said she really respects that. Kathy said she has fake tits herself and she's afraid of leakage.
Howard gave Kathy some plugs for her TV show and her book, ''Official Book Club Selection: A Memoir According to Kathy Griffin,'' that's now available in paperback. He gave her some plugs for her comedy gigs too. You can find out more about it all at KathyGriffin.net.
Kathy told Howard that her problem with him is that he didn't invite her to the party at Kimmel's place. Howard said he had nothing to do with the invites to that party. Kathy said that he could have invited her. She thinks that he's afraid she's going to use material for her act if she sees something going on. Howard said that he wouldn't like her talking about him if she comes to his house or something.
Gary said he remembers Kathy telling stories about people who she saw at a party when she was on this show the first time. He said that Kathy told Howard he should come to her party too. Howard said there was no way he was going to that party. Kathy said that she had Sidney Portier at her party recently. Howard said he never even thought about inviting Kathy to the Kimmel party. He said he didn't even think of her either way. Kathy said that's why she's on the D-list. She said she's going to tell that story to Joy Bayhar later on when she asks her to prove how she's still on the D-list.
Howard and Kathy were also talking about Bill O'Reilly and Kathy was surprised that he has been on Bill's show. Howard said he doesn't agree with him politically but he likes his show. Howard asked why she's so offended by him. Kathy said she's a liberal and she's so far left that she can't stand the guy. Kathy said she wanted to do the Hannity show but they wouldn't let her bring her cameras on. Howard said he will go on shows like that and he doesn't hate them.
Howard said just because he has different political views doesn't mean that he has to hate them. Kathy said she and Elisabeth Hasselbeck used to have nice conversations too and she's not sure what happened there.
Howard took a call from a woman who was telling Kathy how great she is over and over. Howard had to cut her off when her kid started screaming. Howard asked if women dislike her. Kathy said that women and gays like her. She said it's the straight guys who don't like her.
Howard asked Kathy who she went out with that was on the Yankees. She said it was Curtis Granderson. She said it was a publicity thing and she's doing that for Fred. Kathy said that this guy invited her to a game and they went out and hung out. She said it was very sweet. She said she didn't really go on a date.
Howard said Kathy got close to Levi Johnston too. Kathy said she has done some stuff with him and she thinks that his story has been consistent. She said that he knows stuff about Sarah Palin that could take her down. She said she knows about some of that stuff. Kathy said she goes on and makes fun of him but she humiliated the kid. She said she should have set him up with the kid and Bristol in a house or something. She said that he has told her stuff that would take Sarah down. Kathy said she thinks that he's just waiting for the right tine to use that cannonball.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has beat off to Kathy. He asked if she shaves her pussy. She said she just got waxed and left a little bit of a Greg Allman soul patch down there. He asked if she has done anal. She said she had but Gary thought she was confusing that with the waxing. Kathy said she did the anal on The D-List but it was getting waxed back there that she was talking about.
Howard wrapped up with Kathy and said he loves her. Kathy said he loves her but not enough to invite her to a party at Kimmel's house. Howard said he'll invite her next time. They spent a minute talking about the party before Howard gave her some more plugs and wrapped up the interview.
Howard came back and said he talked to Natalie Maines about if she knew she was going to be a prodigy. He said she knew at the age of 2 that she was.
Howard asked Robin if she thinks that we can't say ''You're out of your cotton picking mind'' because we have a black president. Robin said no, she says that all the time. Howard said there are people saying that people who use that line are racist. Howard said some woman got into trouble for saying it while talking about President Obama. He had the clip and played that. She was saying that Obama was out of his cotton pickin' mind and got in trouble over that. Robin said that's just nit picking. She said that it's fine to say that.
Robin said the wrong thing to say was the clip of Larry King they played earlier in the show where he said his son wanted to be black. Howard wishes that they could become black. He said that would be great.
Howard had Mike Walker on the phone so he moved on to him. He tried to get him on the line but he wasn't answering. Mike said they must have had a technical glitch. Howard joked that he couldn't hear him so they went back and forth joking around with that. Mike said they have to get that straightened out.
Mike said that Kathy was talking about the Sarah Palin stuff and they have some things about Sarah in the National Enquirer this week. He said that Levi Johnston is back together with Bristol and he's been staying overnight at their home. He said that Sarah will not like that because she doesn't like him.
Howard asked Mike if he thinks that Sarah Palin got breast implants. Mike said he doesn't know. He said she has been a busty woman as long as he can remember. Howard also asked Mike if this line was true. He played an edited clip of Palin saying that McCain's balls smelled bad. He also has a clip of her saying she got crabs from Senator Ted Stevens. They had her saying that Jews are worthless too. She also said the people of Alaska can go fuck them selves and a few other things.
Mike said he saw Kathy in Joan Rivers' new movie and he loved the movie. He said he plugged the movie in his column because he liked it so much. Mike said it's the best documentary ever made on show biz. Howard said he has to agree with him about that. He said he saw the movie and it really was the best put together documentary.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Steve said that Pittsburgh Pete is putting a bounty out on this reporter's head. He said that he's trying to find dirt on him.
Steve said they have a story about Bubba's TV show that he'll be shooting this weekend. They don't have much information about it at this point. Howard wished Bubba luck with that.
Steve said on this day in Howard History 16 years ago today was the greatest prank call of all time during the OJ Simpson chase was going on.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. He ran down his list of subjects for today's show. They ended up talking about Kathy Griffin for a few minutes when Jon asked Howard if he would ever invite Kathy to his house for anything. Howard said there's no way he would do that because he knows that she'd talk about him in her act. JD came in and said he can guarantee Howard it would end up in her act. He said that she was on Larry King one time and she brought up how she was at Cher's house the week before. JD said he knows she'd talk about Howard. It might not be that negative but she would talk.
Jon also brought up the Mark Cronin registry thing and Howard went off on him as well. Howard said he will find out what's on his Hermes registry by next week. He said he'll even call and write it all down if he has to. He said that no one would believe that Cronin would be a success. Howard said he really didn't think he would. Howard said the guy sold his production company to Endemol for a couple hundred million. He said the guy is doing really well and he's got a wedding registry. Howard said he's got balls to do that. Howard said someone actually bought him the Griddler. He said the guy is wealthy and he's asking for a Griddler. Howard said the guy can afford a Griddler. Howard and Fred goofed on Cronin for a couple of minutes doing an impression of his funny laugh.
Howard said the topper to the whole thing was the email Beth got where they said they weren't going to send Howard the registry. Howard said he told Beth not to let them know they were sending out the emails so they could read them. Howard said even Beth thought it was odd that they have a registry. He said she's really romantic and she thought it was strange.
Howard went off on Cronin about some of the other stuff on the registry and said the guy is in his 40s and getting married for a second time and he shouldn't have a registry like this. He said he should tell people to just donate to a charity.
Howard said someone bought him a bond for his wedding. He said his father looked like he was going to kill the guy that did that. Howard said it was like $18 at the time. Howard told Gary to get Cronin on the phone so he can talk to him about this. He said he has to be up by now.
Gary said that Scott is a liar and he stabbed him in the back with that. Scott said he's not a liar. He said he didn't think this was that big of a deal. Gary said they promised they were never going to do this to him and they went right ahead and did it.
Howard said he didn't know about the deal they had. Howard said they offered him the video and that's like offering him crack. He said he can't turn that down and not play it.
Gary told Howard that Scott left work early last week for vacation. He asked Howard if he knew that. Howard didn't seem to care.
Howard told Scott that Gary is right about him being a liar. Gary said that Scott never accepts that he's wrong. Scott said he's wrong and sorry. Howard said he should be like Shari Sheppard and go to break in the middle of this.
Gary said that Scott was calling him a hypocrite and pointing out that Howard has a camera on him. Gary said the difference is that they won't show Howard picking his teeth and things like that. Gary said he trusted them back there and they fucked him over. He said he can't trust them now. Scott said he's sorry for trying to make the show better and he'll never do anything like that again.
Howard said he knows that they have tons of footage of Gary playing Solitaire. He said he'd like them to pull all of that tape and count the amount of time he spends doing that. Gary said maybe they can take the tape of Howard picking his teeth and show that too. Howard said that doesn't hurt the show. He said what Gary's doing is.
Gary said he had two cameras in the studio on him now. Howard said Gary is right about the way they screwed him. Gary said this could have been over an hour ago if Scott didn't argue with him about it. Scott said he didn't argue. Howard said he does argue and he gets what Gary is saying.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that he was the one who told Howard about this tape. He said that they were laboring over this whole thing and they felt they had a golden nugget of tape there and they had to tell Howard about it. He said he was dammed if he did and dammed if he didn't. Howard said he likes that they thought about it and stabbed Gary in the back anyway.
Howard said he loves that Gary sleeps during the show. He now knows the truth. Doug said he's never seen him do that before. Howard said he has to play dirty once in a while. Howard said Gary shouldn't be sleeping during the show.
Scott and Doug both apologized to Gary but then they played the tape of Gary sleeping in his office. Scott said there's no way they wouldn't have given Howard that tape. Gary said that Scott still isn't done. Fred played a lullaby as they showed Gary sleeping.
Ralph called in and said this is fantastic. He said he loves that Gary fell asleep. He said he doesn't get Howard TV but he may have to switch to see this. Howard said Gary claims he wasn't sleeping, he just closed his eyes. Gary said he didn't think he was out, he honestly thought he just closed his eyes.
Ralph told Gary to go back to sleep, he's trying to defend him. He said that they betrayed Gary after saying they wouldn't. He said they've been trying to do this behind his back for a long time now.
Howard said the new interns are out there laughing at Gary outside of his office right now. Howard did his impression of Gary trying to explain this and asking where he's supposed to sleep. He said Gary was on a sugar high after eating all of those black and white cookies. Gary said that is absolutely true.
Scott was saying that Jon Hein and Will saw the tape and they didn't tell them not to run it. Gary said Scott is a real fuck head. He said that it's not their responsibility to do that. He said it was Scott's fault because he promised that he never would. Scott said he was sorry again but he also said that it was Doug's fault too. Doug said he was sorry too.
Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone to promote that show. Howard played some Tim clips telling Mutt how great the show was. Mutt said that they'll talk about this whole Gary incident tonight. He said they'll also be talking to Kevin Lofton about listening to the show at the work place. They'll also talk about Adam Curry and the podcasting idea. That's all tonight on Superfan Roundtable at 7pm on Howard 101.
Howard asked Robin about her date with Rosie and what she found out from her about her relationships. Robin didn't have a lot to share.
Howard saw that his wife Beth was there. He said she's there to interview Robin. Beth came in and said she's doing the interview for Extra. She said that they want to know about Robin's dating life. They can reveal that Robin is going to do a Bachelorette-like show for Howard TV. Beth said she can talk about that in the interview. She asked if it was for real. Howard said they're going to send them to the green room and say it's France. They have no budget to do a real show. He said they'll send them to the moon and dress up the green room like the moon.
Beth said she's just going to wing it with the interview. She said that they'll do fine doing it that way. They want to know about the weight loss thing too so they'll go over that. Beth said they'll be talking about the Caroline's show on the 23rd as well. Beth has to ask Robin about working with Howard and what she thinks is shocking about him.
Beth said there were some questions that she didn't want to ask Robin about. It was something about Robin's auto racing. She said that it wasn't current. Beth said they wanted her to ask about the rumor of Jackie coming back to the show and she didn't think that was true so she cut that out too.
Howard said Beth and Robin should do a lesbian kiss. Beth said she would do that but not a full on kiss. She said they should do that for Howard TV and not for Extra. Howard asked Beth to be very quiet out in the halls because Gary tries to sleep in his office during the show.
Howard had Robin get to her news. She started off asking Howard about his Carvel black card because they're saying that you can get in trouble for letting someone else use it. She said that Lindsay Lohan's mom got into trouble for using her daughter Ally's black card. Howard said that the store employees went ballistic for her using that. Howard said he would never use that card. He said the people who run the stores work their asses off and he can afford to pay for a cake. He said these poor bastards are trying to sell ice cream cones to make a living. The store employees called the cops on her for trying to use that card. Howard said that she should have thrown that card right out. They should support the local Carvel and pay for their ice cream.
Robin read some news about the Lakers and Celtics game that's coming up. They spent a little time on that subject. They also talked about the Bachelorette thing they want to do with Robin. Howard said he has big plans for this show. He may need Beth's help too.
Robin said that there's a story about Betty White and how someone was saying there were pictures of her and her husband out that were kind of naughty. Robin said that they're not Betty according to her manager.
Robin had a story about some guys who were caught drunk, naked and covered in mud in New York. It turned out they were Canadian and they were at some religious retreat. Howard was distracted by Beth in the outfit she was in. Robin was wearing something plunging too.
Robin read about this 16 year old girl who was stuck out in the middle of the ocean while trying to sail around the world. Now a 14 year old girl wants to do the same. Robin said that a court is going to decide if she can do it. Howard said it used to be wrong to leave kids alone for a day and now they let them sail around the world. Howard said they should let them drop dead and not rescue them because it costs a fortune to do that. Howard said they're a bunch of shitheads. Robin said she thinks parents shouldn't be allowed to put their kids in danger just so they can be famous.
Howard said it was his father-in-law's birthday yesterday. Beth said he turned 69. Howard said that's a sexy number there.
Robin had a story about organ transplants and how they don't always tell people the condition they're in when they put them in. Robin said that one couple in England is upset hat their daughter got a double lung transplant from a long time smoker. She's now dead. Howard said he knows that he'd slowly evolve into the person he got the transplant from.
Robin read about Oprah Winfrey saying that Obama is doing the best he can with the oil spill disaster. Robin said that BP is upset about the whole thing and they're committed to cleaning up the mess and offering some kind of relief for the jobs that were lost. Howard said the people from BP should be caned. Robin had some clips of someone from BP apologizing to the American people for what happened.
Robin read some news about General Petraus collapsing during a senate hearing. He blamed it on dehydration. Howard said he should drink something. Robin said he had a large glass of water at his table. She had some audio of him talking about that incident.
Robin read about the Ronnie Lee Gardner firing squad story. She said that will be happening tomorrow. Robin had some audio of someone talking about how they prepare for this. Robin said they are trying to get this overturned so he doesn't have to die. Howard said he should demand that they yell out ''Baba Booey'' when he gets shot. He said a ton of people would subscribe if they did that.
Robin said that Larry King had Jennifer Lopez on his show last night. Jennifer and her sister started a foundation that she was promoting. Robin had some audio of Jennifer on the show talking about the foundation.
Robin brought up how Gabby Sidibe's mom was on America's Got Talent last night. She had some audio of her performance on that show. Howard said she was really thin too. He said that she's really not that thin but next to her daughter she looks it.
Robin read about Paramount pictures bringing out a sing along version of Grease the movie. She had some clips of that. She also had some audio of Josh Brolin talking about working with Megan Fox in his new movie.
Robin had a story about Megan announcing she's engaged to Brian Austin Green for a second time. Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart just got married on Tuesday too.
Robin also read that there will be no funeral for Gary Coleman. That was in his will. He will be cremated and his ashes will be spread somewhere. Howard said that's a bummer. He said it feels weird that he's gone.
Robin said that they will be doing a sequel to the Karate Kid remake. Howard said that's great. Even more success for Will Smith's kid. Howard wrapped up the show and ended it around 11:05am.
Jon went over a few more things and said he wanted to start off talking about the fight that Gary, Scott and Doug were in. Jon set it up and explained how it all came about. Jon said there was an agreement that they could have a camera in Gary's office if they only used it when he was on mic.
Gary said over at K-Rock they had some trouble getting the camera set up. He said they wanted to do it a certain way and they had trouble setting it up. When they came here they had to leave the camera on him the whole time to make it work.
Gary said he thought those guys had his back but they fucked him. Scott came in and said that it was too funny not to give to Howard. Scott said even Jon came in and watched it and didn't tell them not to play it for Howard. Jon said that he did say they had a tough decision to make. Scott was almost putting the blame on Jon. Gary said that it wasn't his responsibility to say he shouldn't air it. Jon said there's no way they wouldn't air that clip if he had told them not to.
Gary said the really insulting thing is that they say they knew it was wrong and they had to labor over the decision.
Doug came in to talk about it too. Gary said that they were derailing this whole thing. He said that it's turned into a Jon and Will thing instead of a Doug and Scott thing. Scott said that Gary was yelling at him in the office back there. Gary said that he was the one he had the conversation with so of course he was yelling at him. He said he never had that conversation with Doug. He trusted Doug to know better.
Scott said if he knew it was all going to fall on him he would have told Doug that he shouldn't tell Howard. Gary said that's wrong too though. Scott said if more people are going to take the blame then he would do it. He said he's mad at Howard for the way he handled it.
Jon said that Howard was telling Scott he was wrong for breaking Gary's trust. He likes that he got the tape but he thinks Scott was wrong for screwing Gary. Scot said he's sure that Howard would like him to do it again. Jon and Gary agreed that Howard probably would like that but it doesn't make it right.
Gary said Scott thinks this is all in good fun but Howard is now saying that he knows he sleeps during the show and that hurts him. Doug said he has seen Gary on that camera for years and that was the first time ever he's seen him do anything like that.
Jon had Teddy play some audio of Gary saying that he wasn't sleeping while they played the tape of him sleeping. Gary claimed that he just had his eyes closed.
Gary said he felt sandbagged today. Scott said he thinks that they should kill the tape and never play it again. Gary said it's too late. He said the tape is already out there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Gary is kind of a hypocrite for going off on Scott about this and he has gone off on Benjy for showing up late. Gary said that what he did was wrong and he had never done that before and he doesn't do it repeatedly. He said he's not being a hypocrite. Gary said that Benjy was late numerous times. He said if he did that himself then he'd deserve being yelled at about it.
Jon said that Scott doesn't feel he should be the one being yelled at. Scott said he had a room full of guys telling him what to do. Gary said that he's responsible for the final decision though. Scott said one of the other guys saw Gary sleeping and it was Doug who made the decision to tape it. Gary said that was the right decision. He said you can't go back and get it again.
Doug said that he would have kept that tape as long as he had to before giving it to Howard. He said he felt like a guy giving a puppy a bone when he showed Howard the tape. He said he explained in detail what happened before he showed it to him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that this was like a 7/10 split for Scott. He said that he must have other tape of Gary picking his nose or something like that. Gary asked Scott if he records his camera. They don't really keep tape of Gary from that camera but not a lot. They don't have 6 hours of a day or anything like that. They only have it when Howard is talking to him and Gary knows when that's going on.
Another caller said they have a lack of thick skin there. He said Gary is upset about this tape and they used to pick on Jackie for the whole day. Gary said he gets picked on every day and he's taken it for years and years.
Doug said he thinks that Gary holds grudges with people. Gary said he really doesn't. He said he remembers stuff but he doesn't hold a grudge. Scott asked if he would be invited to a party at his house. Gary said he would still invite Scott.
Scott brought up the tape that Scott the Engineer had used of Stuttering John's audition tape. Gary said it was probably wrong for Scott to play that. He said John thought he wasn't going to. Gary said John was good about not using something on the air if you told him not to. John would bring it up if you didn't say that to him though.
Scott said he never knows the direction Howard is going to go on something. He said he didn't know how he was going to go with this whole thing.
Wheels called in and asked Gary if he's upset with Will and Jon for not doing something. Gary said the thing that bothers him is that he knew the camera was on him but he knew that they weren't going to fuck him because of that conversation they had. Gary said that he just turned his camera away at first after Howard played the tape. He said that after that he just unplugged it.
Wheels asked Gary if he gets in trouble for playing Solitaire. Gary said he got in trouble for that already. Gary said he won't be turning that camera on until they get it fixed the right way. They have to track down the box they need and then they have to open it up and solder it so they can get it to work the way they want it to.
A caller said that DePace knew that Gary would try to get rid of the camera and asked Howard not to let him do it. Gary said that he's not saying that it's never going to be on him. He just wants it to work the right way so it's only on when he's on the mic.
Gary and Scott were also talking about how Scott left early last week. Gary said he went around trying to find Scott and everyone was staying silent and not telling him where he was. He said it was very weird. Gary said he wanted to bull shit about something with Scott and that's why he was trying to find him. They went over that for a short time and then went to break.
Gary talked about the food they get there on Wednesday from Crumb's Bakery. He said that they have the best black and white cookies and he had 7 of them yesterday. He said he was woozy on sugar and that's why he passed out.
Ralph called in and said that it's good that Gary is up now. He said that he's sorting through the bull shit and Gary is upset he got caught. He said that Doug and Scott are equally to blame in this. He said it's a huge invasion to be recorded when you don't think you are. He said that he also loves that they gave him the best ammunition ever. He said that it writes itself. Scott said that's not funny. Ralph said Scott is a snake.
Gary said there were two things that went on with Scott that were difficult for him. He said that he spoke to Scott directly about not taping him. Then he lashed right back at him when he confronted him about it.
Doug asked Ralph what he would have done if he knew the back story. Ralph said he would have run right into Howard about it of course. Gary said Ralph isn't the barometer for moral compass. Ralph said that he is on Gary's side about the betrayal. He said he'd go nuts too about being recorded. Scott read one of his Facebook posts from a fan who was happy he did what he did.
A caller asked Gary if he would have been okay with the tape being played if they had brought it to him first. Gary said they may have talked him into it. It may have taken him a while to get over it before he'd let them do it. Doug said they would have gotten slaughtered by Howard if they went to Gary first.
Jon said that this fight must have been great for Tim. It took the pressure off of him. Tim thanked the guys for that. Tim said there is a fine line about what they did. He said he knows what goes on there and they have great content. He didn't know there was an agreement before hand. He said they should have gone to Gary first.
Jon said that Doug didn't want to lose that element of surprise for Gary. Tim said it was great content. He's not sure about the way they handled it though. They had to end the show a short time later.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:15am.