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Howard started the show talking about last night's ''LOST'' series finale. Howard said he bailed out on it a couple of seasons ago. He felt that he was betrayed and misled for so long he had to get away from it. Howard said the show would end and there would be more questions. He had enough questions in his life. He said they had the finale last night and he's not sure why. He said he was talking to Gary about it and Gary has no idea how to explain it. He said Gary wasn't sure what the hell was going on. He said it was confusing and no one knows what it all means.
Howard asked what the black smoke was. Gary said that was evil. He said the black smoke took over John Locke and that happened all this season. Howard asked what the Dharma Initiative was. Gary said he had no idea. Howard asked Gary a couple of questions and he didn't know the answers. Howard said he wasted all that time watching the show and no one knows what it was about. Robin said that doesn't matter. It was a show about personalities and they wrapped up the show based on that. Howard wouldn't let Gary answer the questions he was asking. Howard said he doesn't even know what it's all about.
Jon Hein came in to explain what the Dharma Initiative was. He told Howard what it was and how it was going to be used. He said that program failed. Jon said that there were people on the island who were native to the island before the Dharma people came. Jon knew all of this from watching the show. Why Gary didn't know this stuff wasn't clear. Jon said that the Dharma thing was just a sub plot to the rest of the show.
Howard said they asking questions even though Jon had just answered them. Howard said the show was bullshit and he's glad that he didn't waste his time with it.
Jon said that he and Ralph have a show on tonight to talk about this whole ''LOST'' thing. Jon said that he'd give the finale a 8.5 out of 10. He said he watches the show carefully and he was a huge fan of the show so he knows all of this stuff. Howard said he seems to understand a lot of this stuff.
Howard asked more questions about the show and Jon was able to answer him. Jon said the island healed people in different ways. He didn't know why so Howard wanted to know what the island was. That's all he wanted to know. Jon said that was a tough one to answer.
Robin asked why the women who came there weren't able to have babies. Jon said that was a tough one to answer but he did have an answer. He started to explain it to Howard but Howard said he just wanted to jump out a window a few seconds into the explanation.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that anyone who watched that show is lost. He said it blew. Gary said that they knew 4 episodes ago that it wasn't going to answer all of the questions. Howard said he likes Dancing with the Stars because it had a beginning and an end. Howard said that they have a story with a beginning a middle and an end. He said this show was a sucker punch.
Another caller said the show didn't answer a fucking thing. He said he was more confused now than at the beginning. Robin said she thought it was going to be 2 hours of answers but this didn't answer anything.
The caller said they never said anything about an alternate universe. Jon said that the show had two alternate realities and explained it to the caller. Jon said all of the character relationships were resolved.
Yucko the Clown called in and said that if they were dead the whole time then why would there be a Dharma Initiative. He went nuts on that and on Jon Hein. He said he was so mad at that show. He honked his horn a few times and Howard let him go.
Howard said he likes a good story but a show should make a pact with the writers and they should reward people at the end. He said they promised all along they were going to give answers. They never did. He said when you go to school to be a plumber then you know you're going to be a plumber. He said there is no mystery about it. He said that they don't teach you how to play xBox there. He said that they broke the contract to the people when they made this ''LOST'' show. Howard said ABC is to blame there.
Jon asked Howard if he liked the finale of the Sopranos. Howard said he did. Howard said he understood the characters in the show and if he was rubbed out or not doesn't matter. Howard said all of the character arcs were satisfied on that show. Howard said that ''LOST'' didn't make any sense and they weren't able to explain it. Howard said everyone is a sucker and ''fuck you'' to them. Howard said they need a TV bill of rights and Robin has inspired him to do that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he couldn't believe they were going nuts over this nonsense. The guy said it was a waste of time. Howard said of course it was. He said that he's not going to watch the show. He said the show was losing ratings so that's why they had to end it. Gary said they claim they had this ending in mind. Howard said they didn't know how they were going to end it.
Howard said this show was approved for ABC by Lloyd Braun when he was the President of ABC. He said he went to JJ Abrams about the show and JJ came up with something. Gary said that JJ actually didn't want anything to do with it in the start. He eventually came up with an idea. They were after JJ to do the show. Howard said that JJ came back and told Lloyd that he had something but it was going to cost him plenty. He said that JJ didn't have a story line because everyone thought the show was going to fail. Howard said they started writing it and they came up with a bubbameister. He said he got sucked into it for about two years and then bailed out. Howard said that Lloyd would have forced them to have a story arc but he ended up getting fired from ABC before he had the chance.
Robin said that this wasn't as unsatisfying as some shows have been. Gary said that Michael Eisner didn't like the show. He said he hated the idea of it right from the start. Gary said the guy hated it and gave it a 2 on a scale of 10. Howard told Gary to go talk to Jon Hein about the show. He said that he and Jon aren't disappointed by it. Howard said that's because he's not smart.
Howard said he challenges himself with chess and Gary would never do that. Robin said that the show was challenging to watch so he should have watched. Howard said that's not the same thing. He kicked Gary out of there because he was arguing with him about the show. Howard said the smartest people are the ones who bailed out on ''LOST'' early on. Howard said Gary plays simple games like Solitaire and watches simple shows like ''LOST.'' He goofed on Gary about the Solitaire thing and about Prince of Persia which he used to play many years ago.
Robin said she almost went out and got one. Howard said the battery is great and he's had it over a week and he's still at like 50 percent battery. Howard said it's pretty amazing. Howard said he loves the thing. Howard said he uses the stand and keeps it on his desk. Howard said he thinks it's the wave of the future. He said it's a lot of fun to use.
Howard said he was listening to Ozzy's new album on it and the picture is so clear. He said he watched some video streaming and things like that. Howard told Robin she could download some movies onto the thing. He said it only takes a minute or two to download. Howard said there is no rebooting, the thing just works. He said there's no nonsense.
Howard said Apple was like a nothing company before they came out with the iPod, the iPhone and now the iPad. Howard said he doesn't use those other things but this iPad is amazing. He said he doesn't really listen to music on a portable unit. He just listens to music on SIRIUS. Howard said that he's not like Vinnie with his music being all cataloged and stuff. Howard said he likes to just tune into SIRIUS and listen to Coffee House or Sirius Hits 1.
Robin said she was out practicing with her Ultimate ears over the weekend and they block out all of the sound around you. She said it was like being deaf. Howard asked if she was able to keep them in a while. Robin said she kept them in for about an hour. Howard said that's going to be interesting to try them out in the studio.
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Howard said Debra was telling him about how great things are out there and he told her that things on Mars might be great too but he doesn't need to live out there. Howard said she was over for a while and then she was gone. Howard said it was just a quick visit. He said she's into Yoga and wanted him to try it out. Howard said he doesn't do that stuff though. He lifts weighs like a man.
Howard said Jeff Probst was great as the host of the show. He said he must have some radio experience or something. He has done game shows and some talk shows according to Gary. Gary said he had a list of things to talk about and he would go down that list and handle everyone with his hand up and things like that. Howard said Natalie Maines was the co-host and she was telling Jeff that it was her show too.
Howard said he had a meltdown during the show. He said for 10 minutes of the show they had two audio tracks playing at the same time. Howard said he thought that they were going to fix it pretty quick. He said that it went on for 2 minutes, then 4, then 6... He played some of the audio for Robin where the two tracks were playing over each other. It was awful.
Howard said that went on for 10 full minutes and it was more confusing than LOST. Howard said he was consumed with it. He said he figured something went wrong but figured someone would fix it. He said that it was going on for so long that it must have chased people away.
Howard asked Gary why he was out there producing the show. Gary said it was him and Jim McClure. Howard thought it was Jason's thing. Gary said that's a whole other story. He said that Jason was kind of upset about that. Gary said Jeff came up with the idea and he had to book the show. Howard said that makes sense then.
Howard said he called Gary on his cell phone to try and get the whole thing fixed. Gary said he saw it was going on because Howard was texting him. He said that it sounded fine on his end. Howard said he actually tried calling Tim Sabean but got his voice mail. Gary said Howard was upset with him but he didn't know what was happening and it may have been coming from New York and he yelled at him to fire the person who is supposed to be listening to the show. Howard said that someone should be doing their job.
Howard said Tim called him all nervous. He doesn't think that Tim was listening. Tim said he was listening to the show for like 30 minutes. He said he didn't understand what was going on. Tim said he called up and asked what was going on. It turns out a F9 key on a keyboard froze and it was sending out the same signal.
Howard said they go through all of the trouble to make this show happen and then this shit happens. Tim said it's frustrating. Howard asked who is supposed to be in charge of this. Tim said it's John Hunnerlach but he didn't know what was going on so he had to shut the computer down and restart it. Tim said that same night he sliced open his finger with a box cutter. Howard asked if there's someone he can fire. Tim said it wasn't an operator error, it was a computer error. Tim said there is someone always listening to the show.
Howard said everyone is so full of shit and he thinks that there was someone not paying attention. He said it's all baloney like the ending of LOST. He said he guarantees there are no answers.
Howard asked Tim how he sliced open his finger. Tim said he was opening a box and sliced open his finger. He's not even sure how he did that. Howard said Tim is expanding quickly too. He's gaining back all of that weight Robin helped him lose. Tim said it's stress.
Howard asked Tim how he gains all of this weight. Tim told Howard he just over eats. He explained what he was doing over the weekend but Robin said that he's lying about this. He said that she can see that he's not doing the juice thing. She said that he has to stop with that and give her a break. Tim said he has to go back to the gym too. Tim said he has a lot of stress and he over eats. That's what caused it.
Howard told Tim to find out what the error was and make sure it doesn't happen again. Tim said he knows that. He said it shouldn't happen like that anymore.
Howard said he had the feeling that he was the only one who was hearing the problem. He said that really pissed him off too.
Tim said Geek Time was great on Saturday too. Gary said they had Damon Lindelof on the show. He's one of the creators of the show and he's a huge fan of Howard's too. Howard said he should have come up with an ending then. Howard said he bailed on that show long ago. Robin said she came back after bailing for a season and a half or so.
Howard got back to his iPad again. He said he's going to get his Lotus Notes installed on there. If that doesn't work he's just going to use some other email. Howard said he likes that he can watch TV shows and stuff on there. He has the 3G version so he'll be getting that set up this week. Tim said you can sign on to do that monthly instead of a long term contract too. Howard said that the iPad has Wi-Fi but the 3G is for when you're walking around. He said he can use it anywhere then. Tim said they have the SIRIUS app on there too so he can listen to it on the iPad.
Howard said Robin got some nice compliments on the Superfan show. Gary said that Natalie Maines listens to everything and she's disgusted by Benjy. He said she listens to everything over there. She was talking about how Benjy stared at her at Howard's wedding and stuff like that. Benjy thought he could fuck Natalie and said that once on the show.
Howard said Benjy was looking weirder than ever today. He asked if he really thinks he could get Natalie. Benjy said there is a way to communicate and get to fuck them. Howard said that there's no way that he'd ever get her on her worst day. Benjy said he's fucked girls hotter than her and uglier than her. He said that there are ways to get to know someone and have fun with them.
Howard said when he sees a woman with big, natural breasts he has the feeling that they're very sexual. Howard said he's been around the block like Benjy has and he has fucked hotter ones and uglier ones. Howard said Jewel is also kind of angry and irritable. He said that she's sexy though. He said she's extremely feminine and he'd like to dress her.
Howard said Gary went out to L.A. so they had to talk about that. Gary said he flew out on Thursday and went out to Andy Dick's house. Andy is living in a shed now so he went out there to see what was going on there. Howard said Andy was on a sitcom and had a career going there for a while. Howard said Andy had a really good career going for a while. He's had some substance abuse problems over the years though so that might have been part of the problem. He said that Andy has also had sexual confusion going on so that was another thing.
Gary said that he went up to this house in the hills and the area is very ''hippie-ish.'' Gary said the neighborhood is kind of cool though. He said there's a house there on the property and then you see the shed. He said that you see a trailer there and it looks like something from the 50s. Gary said he thinks the ex-girlfriend lives in the trailer while his ex-wife lives in the house. Gary said the property must be like one acre or so. He said that it looks like they all pulled up at Woodstock or something. There are a bunch of kids hanging around and some of them were Andy's from what he could tell.
Howard asked why the ex-wife would let Andy and his ex-girlfriend hang out there. Gary said he's not sure. He said they all get along somehow.
Gary said the shed is nicer than he thought. He said you walk in and there's a bed and art work on the wall. He said it's like two sheds put together. He said that there's a flat screen TV in the shed and a tiny living area. He said it has flooring in it too. He said he paid like 3 grand for the shed but put 5 grand into fixing it up.
Gary said the weird thing is that you go in and you start to think where he goes to the bathroom. Gary said Langford shows him that they had a piss jug there. Gary said Andy pisses in a jug. He said he's not sure where he shits. Howard said that Andy said he shits somewhere but he's not sure where that is. Gary said that he's allowed in the house to take a shower so maybe it's in the house that he shits.
Gary told Howard that there's a rabbit in a rabbit cage outside of the shed. He said Andy had him sitting out behind the shed and hanging out. He said he's not sure why it was behind the shed and not in front.
Gary said that Andy has a young son that he was saying some weird shit to. He said at one point he told the kid that when he was born he shit him out of his cunt. Howard said that's funny. Howard said that it would be great if the kid grew up to be brilliant and all of these experts with the books about childhood were all wrong.
Gary said that they were all in the shed and it was very hot in there. He said that they have some huge bugs out there too and at one point Andy's kid stepped on one of the bugs and Andy asked for it so he could eat it. Gary said he just ate the thing. Howard laughed and asked what the fuck is going on out there.
Gary said Andy's girlfriend called him and his phone kept ringing throughout the show. Gary said he got to see the house that Andy broke into. He said he saw the Christmas lights that were on the house that Andy thought looked ''enticing.'' He said it didn't look enticing at all.
Howard said Andy's friends all come by and hang out and it's a very artsy community. Howard said Howard TV will air some of this starting on Wednesday. Gary said that some of the friends came by and said that they use sheds like this for an office and they're getting kind of trendy. Howard said it's trendy until you eat a fly in there.
Gary said Andy looked great and seemed sober. Howard asked if there was any clips he should play. Gary said there might be some good ones there. Howard said he saw one where Andy eats the bug. He played that clip and Andy and his friends were talking about the huge bugs flying around. Andy told his son to kill the bug and give it to him. Andy said he would eat it so the son dared him to do it. Andy asked if he could just eat a piece of it. He ate some of it and said it was kind of sweet tasting.
Gary said that the show was kind of disjointed. Howard said Gary was saying it was unlistenable. Gary said that Andy would take calls and forget that the caller was on.
Howard played a clip where Andy was talking about his Tweeting and said he was offered some money for Tweeting. Andy never did say who was offering to pay him to tweet.
Howard asked Gary what was going on out there. Gary said that he got out there late and didn't remember what was going on. Howard read some of the titles of the clips he had and asked Gary what he should play. They went over a bunch of the stuff and there was quite a bit that Gary was interested by.
Howard played a clip where Andy ended up playing Little Brown Ring with his band. Howard asked if it stunk in there. Gary said it was hot but it didn't really stink. In the clip Andy was talking about his son Jeff going to jail for check fraud. Andy said it was for a couple of thousand dollars. Andy said that he's running a little low on cash as you can see by him living in a fucking shed.
Howard said he has to hear more of this show. Gary told him to play the ''Bag Her Face'' song. Howard played that clip and it was Andy and his band playing a song for caller who had asked a question about fucking Courtney Love. Andy said he did a line of blow off of her tit and made out with her. He said he fucked her too. Andy was telling all of this while the band was playing. Then he broke into this ''Do me a Favor and Bag Your Face'' song. Howard liked the lyric. Howard said Andy is whacked. He said that he loves that he ate that fly too.
Howard said Andy is happy even though he's living in a shed. He said he'd love to know what that fly tasted like.
Howard played another clip where Andy talked about how he didn't actually fuck Courtney Love. Andy said he was at one of those roasts, for Pam Anderson, and he was hanging out with Courtney. He said that he did kiss her but he didn't fuck her. He claimed that he kissed Pam and Courtney.
Howard had some other clips and went through the titles. Howard found one where Andy was talking about this movie he wrote and directed and how he insulted someone at the premiere. Andy said he was making jokes at someone in a wheelchair and they were light hearted. He said that he was trying to lighten the mood with the person but it wasn't working. Andy said he was also picking on this overweight woman and she got very upset with him. Howard said Andy is all over the place. He asked Gary if it was kind of sad. Gary said he left about half way through and it was fine. He said they were on for an hour that night.
Howard was wondering who Jen from Sober House was. JD came in and told him she's the house mom there. Howard played a clip where Andy was talking to a fan but then answered his cell phone to tell Jen from Sober House that he was doing his show. Andy asked her why she was fucking around like that. He told her to call him on the radio show number. Howard said when you have a house mother you know you're sunk. Gary said it was kind of sad and Andy was trying to put the best face on all of this. He said he thinks that Andy is a really funny guy but it's hard for people to hire him. Howard said he had to take a break. He said he had a lot of stuff to get to today.
Howard said John Stamos was upset with him over the weekend. He said he fixed that though. He said they've worked things out. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he had to have Lisa G come in. He said he had to get Red Peters in there too. He has a new album out. Howard asked Red about his Christmas album because he heard it sold very well. Red said he thinks that it sold 25,000. That's downloads though. He said it's a tough business and the whole music business is fucked right now.
Howard said the new album is called ''Red Peters Presents The Summer Song Sizzler.''
Robin asked what good sales were. Red said that he sold over 100,000 copies of ''I Laughed, I Cried, I Fudged My Undies.'' He said that everything is digital downloads now though.
Howard said the new album is out tomorrow. He's also doing a Memorial Day special there on Howard 101. Red said the show is going to be great. He said he has some brand new cuts that are totally fucked. He told Howard about one that's called ''I Want to Suck Your Pussy Til Your Head Caves In.'' He said there's another one called ''i Want You'' that's good. Red said that guy has some other good ones that he's had on other albums. Howard asked Red how old he is. Red said that he loves these songs and it never ceases to amaze him what people come up with.
Howard played some of ''I Want You'' which is on the new album. Howard said the guy is singing this to a young lady and asking her to bring him weed and suck his cock and then leave. Red said that's right. Howard let that song play through some more. Howard said there was another one from the Beaver Boys which was ''A Blow Job is Better Than No Job.''
Howard had a couple of other ones from the album. One was ''Fuck The Shit'' and another one called ''Fuck you.'' Howard gave Red some more plugs for the album and for his special on Monday the 31st on Howard 101 at 7pm.
Howard said that Red has dedicated his life to this bullshit. He asked Red if he has a kid who will keep this going when he dies. Red said he has a 19 year old daughter that will take over for him. Red said his daughter's name is Aurora. Howard asked why he's sending her to college if she's going to inherit this some day. Red said that she's actually in nursing school. Howard gave Red some more plugs and wrapped up with him after that. Howard told everyone to listen to his special because it really is good.
Howard asked Lisa what the explanation was. Lisa said that she was told that they were going to be doing a Superfan Roundtable out in L.A. and Steve had asked if he could cover that story and another story so they sent him out there to cover the roundtable. Lisa said if it was the other way around they wouldn't have done it.
Howard didn't understand. Lisa said that she thinks that Steve heard there was the Roundtable going on and Steve pitched some other stories so he could go out and cover those. Lisa said she doesn't think that she would be able to cover all of it if that was her. Howard still didn't follow. Lisa said she should be disappointed and she was but it's over now so she's just moving on.
Robin said she thinks that Lisa is saying that Steve created more work to make it out there. Howard had Brad Driver on the phone so he asked Brad what was going on. Brad is Lisa's boss. Brad said that Steve came up with some stories he wanted to cover out in Los Angeles so it was all budge related. He said that hey sent him out there to cover the Superfan thing so Steve could cover them all at once.
Lisa said that she is territorial about this stuff so it stung when they sent Steve. She said Brad is very nice and she does get to go to the Red Carpet for Sex and the City 2 premiere tonight. Howard said he's going to be there but that's going to make him a mess. Howard said he got invited to the premiere and he's a fan of Sarah Jessica Parker. Robin said there are people who say she's just annoying to men. Howard said she's sexy to him and he can picture her on all fours with her vagina being very prominent because she's so skinny. Howard said he could lift her up by her belly too. He said she's got to be a very sexual girl. He said he'd hate to run into Matthew Broderick at the premiere though. He said he hopes he'd be able to beat him up. He said they might end up in a slap fight.
Howard said he said some things about Matthew years ago. He said he called his house and left messages on his machine. He said he was young and marking his territory at the time though. He said it was kind of harsh.
Howard said his daughter Ashley is a big fan of the Sex and the City stuff. He said she used to sneak and watch the show when she was younger. He thinks that she learned about sex from that show. Howard said she loves the show and he's a big fan too so they watched the first movie the other night. Howard said that movie was excellent. Howard said he asked Beth if she wanted to have four really close girlfriend's like that. Robin tried that with the Girls Night Out group. Howard said those friends don't fit the bill with Robin. He said they're not good enough for her. Howard said someone has to keep tabs on Robin because she's out of control.
Howard said that everyone was having fun in the first movie. He said they were all having fun in that movie. Howard said no one really works and they all just hang out.
Howard said he called up trying to get a third ticket but it was a pain in the ass. They eventually broke down and gave it to him so he's bringing his daughter. Lisa said that there are a lot of people who will be there. Howard said the movie is 2.5 hours long but he's fine with that. He said that they'll probably start late and fuck up his schedule though. Howard said he might have to leave early and it's going to suck for him. He said he's going to be consumed with the whole thing now. He said that he'll be worried about this whole thing and he's having major agida over it.
Howard said he's thinking about how his day is going to go and he's planning it all in his head. He said that he might be able to get home and get to bed but then he'll have to try to fall asleep. He said this is all driving him nuts. Howard said Beth is getting neurotic about it too now. He said even something pleasant like this is turning into a nightmare for him. He said he was the hero dad for his kid and now he's going mental over it.
Howard said Beth and his daughter are friendly and he's ruining this whole thing. Howard said he's going to just let them have a good time instead. He said he wants to see the movie though. Robin said he'll see it. Howard said the red carpet thing is going to be another thing. Gabourey Sidibe is going to be there so people are warning him. Howard said he has nothing against her and all he did was say she was fat. He said he doesn't want to be a part of that. He said he's nuts and told his shrink last week the guy has to heal him. He said the shrink told him that he's got to heal himself. Howard said he's so neurotic.
Howard said he wants everyone to show up on time but he knows it won't happen. He said he'd like to call Sarah Jessica Parker and ask her to just show up on time. Howard said he knows that they'll show up like 45 minutes late. Howard said even he's going to show up late. He said the red carpet starts at 6 so they're not going to leave until 6:30. He said he may not even stick around for the start of the movie. Howard said he might get sucked into the movie and watch the whole thing. Robin asked Howard if he's going to stay if they start around 8. Howard said he can't stay. He has to get home so he can get to sleep. Howard said he's nuts and neurotic.
Howard asked Lisa if she heard Natalie Maines going off on her. Lisa said she called in and that's when all of the double stuff started. She said that Natalie wants her to have a make over from the inside out. Lisa said Natalie really hates her. Howard said Natalie listens to everything. He said that she has no governor or filter on her and she just blurts stuff out. He said that Jeff asked the people who they would cut from the show if they had to cut someone. Natalie was the only one who had someone, Lisa G, that she would cut. Everyone else was being so nice.
Howard played the clip of Natalie talking about Lisa and how she would cut her from the show. Natalie said Lisa G makes it hard to like her. Natalie said that Lisa is no fun. Natalie said she wants Lisa to let her make her fun because she's a stick in the mud. The rest of the crew like everyone that works on the show. Natalie was the only one who said she wanted to get rid of someone.
After playing that clip Howard said the show was really entertaining. He said he thought it was really good. Lisa said they should do it more often. Gary said they're going to try and do it again in August. He said Tim wants to do it 2 or 3 times a year now. Howard said he heard that they were doing it at Nobu and they had a good time doing it.
Lisa said that Gary was saying some very nice things about Howard too. She said that Gary said Howard once told the staff that when they're talking to Gary they're talking to him. Howard said that's what he told them and Gary got all teary eyed over it. Howard goofed on Gary about that and said Gary really has his sensibility on things so he trusts him. Howard did his impression of Gary and goofed on him getting all worked up over that.
Gary asked Howard what he thought about the conversation the celebrities had about his future. Gary said he thinks Howard wants to stay there but he wants to do things the way he wants to do them. Howard said he thinks that Gary was pretty much on the money with that. Howard said Mel Karmazin isn't going to just give him anything he wants. He said they may take a hit if he leaves but they have to be able to survive if he leaves. Howard said Mel has a bottom line.
Howard said Natalie hit something on the head about Lisa. He said that Natalie pointed out that Lisa calls him ''Howard Stern'' all the time even when she's talking to him. He said that she calls him Howard Stern instead of just saying ''you.'' Lisa said she gets caught up in reading her copy so that's why it happens sometimes. Howard said Natalie really does listen closely to the show. He said he picks up on that kind of stuff.
Howard told Lisa not to let that get her down. He said it's only Natalie Maines talking. Gary said that he was out there and he heard Natalie asking someone if they saw him licking his choppers. He said it made him cringe but he laughed too.
Howard said that he isn't even talking to them about this yet. Howard said there are a lot of things happening right now and he's been offered TV deals and things like that. Howard said there is no easy answer. Howard said there are other companies involved and lots of things are happening. Howard said he hasn't had any time off and he's thinking about doing that. He said he has to think about the other staff though.
Howard said he thinks he could take a year off. He said he could even be done. Howard said with SIRIUS, if he doesn't get what's in his head, he's out. He said he's done if that doesn't happen. He said that he couldn't have done that 5 years ago but he's there now. Howard said he could be talked into thinking he's not done. Howard said if Mel doesn't want to get into it then he's done. He said he'd be happy to sit and stare at a wall.
Howard said that he could just sit at home and play with his iPad for a couple of hours. He said he could play chess too. Gary said he thought that he was going to be a bicyclist too. That didn't last long.
Howard said he could spend hours playing chess. That's what he did on Saturday. He spent most of the day playing and learning about chess.
Gary asked Howard if he could get sick of that. Howard said he went and watched a movie that day and that's it. He said that his day was over after that. He didn't even have time to read the paper. Howard said he could retire now and be happy. He said he's had enough. He said he'd like to relax and put his energies into other things. Howard said he's done it all already.
Robin said Howard has no clue who Howard is and this is just what he thinks. Howard said he's never had a free moment in his life to relax. He said he's been working forever. Howard said he has worked and worked his whole life. He said his father was a workaholic too but he had to retire at 59. He said his father could have kept going but he had to move his business so he just shut it down. Howard said his father didn't make a lot of money but he saved. He said that he made enough that he can live. He said he doesn't live like a king but he lives okay.
Howard said he loves his audience and he'd like to keep going with the show but he's not going to negotiate. He said he's worn out and he doesn't care. Howard said he really doesn't want to negotiate.
Gary said he's worried about himself. He said that there was a report on the web about how he's making 6 million a year. Howard said that they think he makes 100 million a year and he doesn't make anything near that. Howard said that number is absurd. He said he doesn't make anything close to that. Howard said he's not poor, he's doing very well, but that number isn't what he's making. Howard said that people are just speculating on what he's making.
Ralph called in and said that he's with Robin and thinks that Howard doesn't even know himself. He said that Howard needs balance in his life and he needs a more balanced schedule. He said that Howard is going to freak out when he can't have that voice on the air. Howard said that they're going to find out. Ralph said he thinks that Howard needs at least a 6 month break.
Ralph brought up the iPad thing and said that it's really great and it lights up your life. Ralph said that this is going to suck him into the whole Apple thing. He said their computers are just as great too. Howard let Ralph go in the middle of that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he picked up a new car and had SIRIUS installed because he figured Howard would be coming back. He said he thinks Howard will come back year by year and he will get paid $150 million a year. Howard said no one is paying him that kind of money.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how he puts a hat on every morning with his head getting so big. He said that he was talking about wanting to hang out with Sarah Jessica Parker. Howard said he never said that he wanted to hang out with her. He said he likes her and he didn't want to run into her husband. The caller was also bad mouthing that ''black hen'' in there. Robin said that's supposed to make her go away now? She went off on the caller for a minute after he went off on her.
Howard asked Lisa if she did any news. Lisa said she'll be on the red carpet tonight. She asked what Howard is going to be wearing. Howard said he'll wear a suit with a t-shirt or one of his snazzy outfits.
Lisa said Beth won in the Us Weekly ''Who Wore It Better'' to Heather Graham's same dress. it was the dress she wore on Letterman. Howard said she looked good in that dress. Howard said Heather looked good too though. Howard said it was nice that his wife won finally though. He said that he thought she should have won a couple of other times. Howard let Lisa go after that.
Howard said he got this movie called the Human Centipede and it was really weird. He said it's a movie about a scientist who gets young girls and guys and sticks them in his basement. Then he sews the girls's mouths to the guy's assholes so they turn into a huge centipede. He said they all have to walk around on all fours like a centipede. Gary said the theory is that you feed the first one and that one shits into the next one's mouth. Then that one shits into the next and so on and that keeps them alive. Fred read that there's a sequel being worked on. Howard said he can't bring himself to watch one minute of the movie. Howard had go to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and had Jewel sitting in. Howard said he and Jewel did the Tonight Show together once. Jewel said that was around the time that Howard's movie was out. Howard said he asked her to come out to the movie premiere back then but he thought that her mother put a stop to that. She said that she was the one who decided not to go.
Howard said that he and Jewel were back stage at the Tonight Show and Jewel turned to James Carville and yelled at him to stop staring at her tits. Jewel said Howard was very nice and intelligent and not staring at her boobs. She said that Carville was staring a hole in them so she turned to him and told him that she knows they're big but he doesn't have to stare.
Howard said Carville turned to him and said that he swore he wasn't staring at her boobs. He was really embarrassed. Howard said he really wasn't staring at her boobs. He's not really a tit guy. He said he doesn't really care about breasts that much.
Howard said that he was on the air talking about what song Jewel should do on the show and they came up with ''Needle and the Damage Done'' and it turns out she covers that song. She said that was one of the first songs she ever did. Jewel said that she and her dad used to go out performing in bars together.
Howard asked Jewel about her parents splitting up when she was 8. She said that happened and then she'd go out with her father performing at bars. She said that there were some really creepy guys that she'd meet out at the bars.
Jewel said it was actually her mom who split on the family. She said they fought a lot when they were growing up. Jewel asked Howard if he's Barbara Walters or something. Howard said he was just trying to learn about her life. Howard asked about her father taking over and taking care of the kids. She said that she has two brothers, one older and one younger. Howard said that it must have been tough. She said it was and she moved out when she was just 15.
Howard asked if she had to bathe in a river. Jewel said they used the creek for water and that is true. She said that they had to live off the land but it worked for them. She said that's the good part of this country that you can live off the land if you are poor.
Jewel told Howard that she found the poverty thing empowering to her. Howard asked if she holds on to every penny now because of that. Jewel said she doesn't want to go back to that life and she likes that she can buy medication now when she needs it. She said she had some experiences when she was younger and it has relieved a lot of stress now.
Howard asked how long she'd go without bathing. She said she would take sponge baths and stuff like that. She said they had a sauna that they would use too.
Howard asked if she had a lot of anger in her over her mother. She said that kind of stuff might help with her song writing. Howard asked if her father had to teach her how to use a tampon. She laughed and asked Howard if his father taught him. Howard said he never even learned to wipe properly so he had an anal fissure.
Howard asked Jewel about her mom and what she remembered about her. Jewel's mom came back into her life so Howard wondered why she would let that happen. Jewel said that it was complicated. Jewel said she wanted to trust someone and your parents are the people that you trust. Howard said that Jewel's parents used to follow her on the road too. Jewel said that she used to have men chasing her around too and she thinks that's just the way men are and it wasn't because of the way she looked.
Jewel said that she learned not to drink because she saw what women would do in the bars. She said that she learned about herself and she did have to deal with a lot of predators. She said she had a guy who wanted to take her head shots in a store one time. She said she didn't like the guy that was taking the pictures and it shows. She said it turns out the guy was caught for child prostitution a year later. Howard said that's weird that her parents would let her go out in a car alone with a guy like that.
Jewel said she had a guitar player trying to kiss her when she was just 14 years old too. She said that you get scared when gross guys say things to you. She said that happened to her for so many years that she got used to it. She said that in general guys are good but there are some gross people out there.
Howard asked Jewel what a guy has to do to win her trust. He said it must take a while before she'll even let a guy feel her up. She said that she has learned to trust some people instantly with her good instincts. Howard asked how long she made this guy she's with now wait. Jewel was just laughing. Howard said that Beth let him in within two weeks or so. Howard said he read that Jewel let the guy into her pants 2 months in. She said they actually talked on the phone for 8 months. She said that she went out on a date eventually at a rodeo. Howard said the guy seems very manly. Jewel said he's a real guy and there's nothing phony about him at all. She said that most people will burn you. She said having someone to rely on is really meaningful.
Jewel asked Howard if he thinks that a lot of women dated him when he was single for his money. Howard said he thinks that some of them may have but there were some who he thinks liked him. Howard said he had some hot women when he was young but some of them may have been mental.
Howard said he doesn't understand how Jewel got homeless. She said she moved out when she was 15 and she had some various jobs. She said that she was taking dance lessons from this instructor and he saw her singing and that helped her out. Howard asked if she ever thought about trying to get jobs based on her good looks. Jewel didn't think she was that good looking. Howard said she has to be kidding. Howard said she's very good looking and she could have gotten some modeling work or something.
Jewel said after she graduated high school she said she had a boss who offered her money to sleep with him. She said that she went to get her pay check after turning him down and he pretended that she was a ghost and didn't give it to her. Jewel said that one thing led to another and she was homeless. Jewel said that she needed to take a shower and one of the musicians let her take a shower. She said there were other girls hanging out and there were strippers and call girls there. They tried to convert her but she didn't ever fall into that. She said that she was a singer and she started writing songs. If she didn't have that then it would have been really hard.
Jewel said that she did shop lift some stuff to eat. She said she started off with carrots and that is like the gateway vegetable because that led to more. She said that she wanted to steal a dress one time and it was like $39 and then she realized that she was cheating herself and she never stole anything after that. Jewel said that she turned to her writing and that let to her writing a song about that. Howard told Gary to check the green room to make sure she didn't steal anything.
Howard asked Jewel when she lost her virginity. She didn't want to remember but she said the guy was a jerk. She said it wasn't anything terrible. She said that she'd hope for something better for her daughter.
Howard said he gets the feeling that Jewel doesn't have orgasms. He said he can't tell if she's loose or if she's uptight about stuff. Jewel said she read a lot of books to try and figure out how she wanted to grow up. She said she learned she didn't want to be with an abusive guy and that led her to being where she is now. Jewel said she knows she can make it on her own so she's okay with leaving someone if she has to.
Howard asked Jewel how she became so proficient at the guitar. Jewel said she went to a school where she wasn't allowed to stay during spring break so she went hopping trains and stuff. She said she learned four chords and started improvising lyrics about what she was seeing around her. She ended up going around the county and to Mexico and that led to her writing her first song ''Who Will Save Your Soul.''
Howard asked Jewel to perform ''Needle and the Damage Done'' for them. Howard said he loves Neil Young and this song wrecks him every time. Jewel asked if it was because of Artie. Howard said he's always liked the song and it wasn't Artie or even the heroin part of the song. He said that he likes to save people and not just drug addicts. Howard asked her what attracted her to the song. Jewel said she identifies with the misfits in a way. She feels bonded to them. She went into the song a short time later.
Howard liked the song and said that he heard she has like 500 songs in her head that she hasn't written. Jewel said it's tough to get songs out the way the song writing process and album making process goes.
Howard asked Jewel about how her grandfather taught her how to yodel. She demonstrated some of that for Howard. Howard told Robin to do it but Robin just said ''what?''
Howard asked Jewel about working with Neil Young and she said that she used to kick people out of his shows when she'd open for him. She said that Neil loved it when she would do that.
Jewel said that Neil kept to himself most of the time but she said that he has said some funny stuff to her. Howard asked if Neil ever came on to her. She said that he never did. Jewel said she had a dream to open for Bob Dylan when she was 16 and she dreamt that he came on to her which grossed her out. She said that she went out on tour with him and she was told that Bob never spoke to any opening act and didn't want to talk to them. Then a couple of weeks later she was asked to go meet Bob and he was very nice to her. She said it wasn't like her dream.
Howard asked Jewel if anyone has been really horrible to work with. She said there was one rascally old fellow but she didn't want to say who it was.
Howard said Jewel did a pop album a few years ago and he didn't think that was her thing. Howard said he likes her sound but he didn't think that it was her thing. He said she's got a new album coming out called ''Sweet and Wild.'' He gave her some plugs for that and for her web site JewelJK.com.
Howard asked Jewel if she had any new songs she could do. She said she has one that she can do. She ended up talking about how she and her husband are trying to have a baby so Howard tried to get more information about that out of her. She said that she's not talking about that.
Howard asked if she's religious. Jewel said she's spiritual but not really religious. Howard said she must believe in God. She said she does. Howard said that she must think that because these songs just flow through her. Jewel said that if you don't judge it then it will just keep flowing. Howard asked if she has to perfect her songs. She said that she likes to do the songs live. She said she'll start working it out on the road. She just wrote one a couple of days ago that she'll be working on. Howard asked to hear some of that. Jewel sang a little bit of that song for him. She didn't even have all of the lyrics worked out yet. Howard said it was a beautiful song though.
Howard asked if she plays for her husband or does she like to do it alone. She said she'll write while her husband is watching TV. Howard asked if he'll get upset with her about that. She said that the novelty may have worn off a while ago. Howard said he imagines her nude and singing after making love. Howard said he can imagine that. Jewel asked if he thinks she would sing ''You're amazing honey.'' Howard said that's what he was thinking.
Howard asked Jewel if guys were intimidated by her when they dated her. He said he thinks he could handle her career. Jewel said that she and her husband can't imagine being jealous of their careers. She said her husband was the winningest bull rider in history. She said that he's retired from that now but he's the head of some bull riding group. Jewel said that his thing is to grab people around their esophagus. She said that he's never like that with her. She said he hates people who are disrespectful.
Howard asked if she loves having a man who can do that. She said she does like a man like that but he's not overly hot headed.
Howard said he didn't like it when she dated Sean Penn. Howard said Sean saw her on Conan and felt a connection to her. She said he had her write a song for a movie he did. She said that he was great for her and he was very supportive. She said they dated for just shy of a year. Howard said that she made love to Sean Penn. He asked what broke them up. She said he as older than her and it just wasn't for her. Howard asked Jewel about dating some other guys. She said that some of them were wrong.
Howard asked Jewel what song she was going to perform from her new album. She was going to do one about a fight she and her husband had gotten into and that led to Howard talking about how he and Beth rarely fight. He did have a fight with her over Beth getting a massage from a guy once. He said he locked himself in the bathroom over that.
Howard asked what this fight was about. Jewel said she's not sure what the fight was about. It was just something silly. Jewel then broke into her song ''Ten.''
After the song Howard told her she's an angel on Earth. She told him to stop. Howard said that she must have enough money to be set for life. She said that she is. She said that the record business is tough right now though. She said that she saved her money early on and she's wanted to experiment over the years and it's been good. Howard asked if she knows how to bust balls with the crew. She said that she works very hard and she expects that from her people but she doesn't think that she busts balls.
Howard asked Jewel if she's ever been with ugly guys before. She said that she probably has but she had to have had some attraction to them to date them. Howard asked who the ugliest guy was but she didn't have an answer.
Howard asked Jewel if she works out to stay in shape. She said she does work out. Howard told her she seems like a really nice woman. He said that he can't believe that anyone can make money bull riding. Jewel said that he was the first cowboy to have an agent and he was the one who started the PBR which is the professional bull riding group that he's the head of. She said that they're making a lot of money doing that. She said that the cowboys and the people who started the PBR are all doing very well.
Howard asked about the bull riding and Jewel told Howard how they do it. She said that her first date with her husband was at a rodeo. Howard asked what she was doing there. She said that she had a night off so she went to a rodeo. Howard asked how they divvy up the money. She said they share expenses and stuff. they have a joint bank account that they contribute to. Jewel asked Howard how he does it. Howard said ''Well... I pay for everything.'' Howard said he thinks that's fair.
Howard asked Jewel if she thinks that her marriage will last forever. She said she thinks it will. Jewel said her husband puts 110 percent into everything and he wouldn't have married her if he wasn't into it. Howard said that you never know, he could end up like Jesse James dating some tattoo head.
Jewel said she's a big fan of Howard's show and she's very happy for him. She said it's an amazing thing that he built. Jewel said that in the 90s she was going around to radio stations and everyone was trying to be Howard but they didn't have the clever finesse that Howard has. She said that she would be provoked and she'd go after these guys. Jewel said that she had one guy making fun of her teeth and she'd point out that one guy was bald. There was another guy who kicked her off the air after she bad mouthed the guy when he introduced her in a way that upset her.
Howard asked Jewel if her boobs are really that big. She said they're really not. He said he couldn't really see them but he figured they weren't even D's. Howard told her that Robin is a double G but Robin said it was just a G. Howard asked Jewel if she's ever heard of that. Jewel said that is pretty big. Howard said he thinks that Jewel is perfectly proportioned. Jewel thanked him for that. Howard asked if she will walk around the house naked. She said it depends on how she's feeling about herself. She said that there are times when she'll slide out of the bed into her robe and others when she'll take a few strides before doing it. Howard said he backs out of the room so Beth won't see his cellulite ass.
Jewel said that she's giving away some tickets to people who have money problems. She said you can follow her on Twitter at @jeweljk to find out how to win the free tickets. Howard gave Jewel some more plugs and then wrapped up and went to break.
Howard came back and Gary told him to pick up the phone because he had someone very annoyed with him on the phone. Howard picked up the phone and it was Don Rickles. Don said that he loves John Stamos but he wasn't going to snap just because he wasn't at that party last week. He said he's an old Jew trying to stay alive and he doesn't need to be at that party.
Howard told Mr. Rickles that he came out to L.A. and Jimmy Kimmel threw him a party. He said that Stamos got upset that Don wasn't invited. Don said that wasn't what happened. He said that John invited him to go along but he said he wasn't invited. Don said he told John to get over it. Don said that he didn't want to be made out as a cripple for not being at the party. He said he wasn't hurt by that.
Howard said it never would have occurred to him that he'd want to be there. don said that he would have said okay if he had been invited but he wouldn't have sat around and dribbled like Howard thought. Howard said he has a lot of respect for Don Rickles. He said that he used to study the guy when he'd make a movie.
Howard said that's like saying they should have invited President Obama to the party. He said that he knows now that Don would have come so he won't leave him alone now.
Don sad he's doing Jimmy's show in June so he's going to break his balls over this. He said he's doing Letterman tonight and the show will air on Wednesday night. Don said he doesn't live in the world that Howard thinks he lives in.
Howard asked Don if he still does his wife. Don asked if he circles the bed and gets an estimate or does he just jump right in. Howard said he jumps right in.
Howard told Don he's going to invite him to everything now and he's going to have to call the police because it'll be like he's stalking him. Don said he just called in to let him know that he wasn't as upset as John Stamos said. He said he had heard rumors about the party but he didn't know much about it. That's when John Stamos flipped out.
Howard said he thinks that the party would have been all about Don if he had showed up. Don said that he just wanted to let him know he wasn't a wreck over the whole thing. He said they are followers of Howard's and they figured he should know.
Howard asked Don about the great parties he used to go to. Don said he had great times back in the day. He said that he used to go to Johnny Carson's place back in the day. He said that Letterman has even taken him out to dinner. He said he took him out to a club one night. He said he's had dinner with Letterman and his writer. Howard sounded shocked by that. Howard said that's unusual because he doesn't even go to his own staff parties. Don said he was very flattered.
Howard asked who Don thinks is better, him or Letterman. Don said that's easy, Letterman. Don told Howard he remembers the first time meeting Howard and Robin and how he introduced himself. Robin said that they talked about that for a long time after.
Howard asked Don if he will talk to Letterman about the sex stuff that went on over there. don said he won't even bring that up. He said he has other material he can use. He said Howard has to talk about that stuff. Don told him he has to calm down with that once in a while. Don said that's not his style and he should come out and see his show sometime. Howard said that Don embarrasses a lot of people at his shows. Don said he's never mean spirited though. He said he's been doing this for 50 years now so he must be doing something right.
Don said that he and Dave know what they want to talk about but they don't plan out that much of what he's going to say. Howard asked if he ever plans out something that he doesn't tell them about. Don said that he reveals all before because he has nothing to hide.
Howard asked Don about working with Mike Douglas and Johnny Carson. Don said that Johnny was king. He said that he set up everything and he always made him look good. He said that letterman does that too. Howard asked about Jay and if he's a shit head. Don said he gets along with everyone. He said that he just avoids anyone he doesn't like.
Howard said what's interesting to him is how good Don is at making his performance look effortless. Howard asked if he ever thought he'd outlive Johnny Carson. Don said he doesn't think much about death but now that Howard brings it up he's looking at his watch and he might have another hour left to live. Don said that he's been married for 45 years now and it's been great. Howard said it must be weird seeing all of these younger guys dying off. Don said that everyone goes out. Howard said that Carson smoked so maybe that did him in. Don said that you don't have to smoke to have something wrong with you.
Howard asked Don about writing jokes. Don said he's never put anything on paper. He said that he will only put it on paper if he's doing a sitcom or something like that. Don said that he's always been told to just go out and do his thing. Howard said he's seen him do roasts and he kills. Don said that he never writes down a word. Howard asked if he sweats bullets doing that. Don said he does. He said that he gets the adrenaline going and that makes it happen for him. He said that's what's going to happen on Letterman tonight.
Howard said that Don is in the new Toy Story 3 movie that's coming out in June. He's also going to be at the Orleans in Las Vegas. He's still out there doing his thing and people love it. Howard said he loves Don too.
Don talked about doing the voice for the Mr. Potato Head in the movie for a minute. Howard asked Don if he's a super religious guy. Don said that he's not all that religious but he is a Jew and he does believe in god. Howard asked if he speaks Hebrew. Don said he's not an Israeli pilot. Howard asked if he believes that he'll get to see Johnny and Frank Sinatra up in heaven. Don said he put in a reservation but he's not sure if he'll get a table.
Howard told Don that he's very important to him and it's great to be able to talk to him. He said he's his hero and an amazing talent. He said he loves him. Don thanked him for that. He said his wife was the one who told him he should give him a call because he's so nice. Howard said he didn't think that Don would want anything to do with riff raff like him. He let don go a short time later.
Howard said that it didn't sound like he was pining to go to that party. Robin said that she thinks John brought up the party and he's in a situation where he made the faux paux. Howard said he and John were going over some stuff over the weekend and he was just teasing him about the whole thing. He had to move on because they were way behind.
Steve said they have some news about Andy Dick. They also have a story about the former Stern Show intern Leah Walsh and how her husband has plead guilty to killing her.
Steve said they have a George Takei special that's being worked on. It's going to be a special that Steve has been working on.
Lisa G came in and said that if she can play the music that the Dixie Chicks do then she will take Natalie up on her offer. Howard said Lisa sounds very turned on by that. Lisa said it sounds like a great offer.
Steve said that they have a special Geek Time tonight at 7 on Howard 101. Ralph was on the phone to talk about that. Ralph said that Howard can't think of retiring when he gets a call like that from Don Rickles. Howard said it was a great call and Don is really on.
Jon Hein came in and ran down some of the stuff they were going to talk about on The Wrap Up Show. That led to the guys talking about how great Jewel was today. Fred said he thinks that Jewel and Dolly Parton should work together on some stuff. He said that they would be great together. Howard said he was thinking the same thing and he was surprised that Fred brought that up.
Jon ran down the rest of his Wrap Up Show preview. Howard got back on the Jewel thing and said he had more questions about her but he'll have to save that for some other time.
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Howard asked Robin if she's working on her food bill of rights. Robin said she is working on that but she has to figure out what her definition of food is going to be.
Robin said that she saw the movie ''Chloe'' that Howard was talking about. She said that was interesting but now this ''Human Centipede'' movie is on her mind. She said she was reading about the guy who made the movie and how he hoodwinked people into investing without telling them about how he was attaching people at the anus.
Howard said he saw some video of Bubba the Love Sponge's son racing and flipping his car over at a race. Howard said it's really dangerous. Howard said the kid could have been really hurt. Howard said he wants Bubba to retire the kid. Howard said his kids would never have a race car at 4 years old. Robin said Howard wouldn't even let his kids ski. Howard said he couldn't handle anything ever happening to his kids. That led to Robin talking about a movie she saw where this family had a kid just so they could farm parts off of him for their daughter. Howard said he could never go on if one of his kids died. Howard said that the story about the former intern they had was so fucked up too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he liked that Jewel interview but she wasn't all that forthcoming with her answers. Howard said she just wasn't comfortable answering them.
Robin read a story about a guy who was sucked into a seasoning machine at a sausage company and he managed to get out uninjured. Robin said that it was pretty remarkable that he wasn't hurt.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that Jewel and Don Rickles were great. Howard asked if his brother is moving out. Jeff said he thinks that he is but he hasn't said anything to him. Jeff said he avoids his brother like the plague. Howard told him to keep him posted on that.
Robin read a story about a woman who was trying to land a fish her husband caught when she fell off the pier. Robin said the woman fell right into the water and the fish got away. Robin sounded excited that the fish got away.
Howard read a live commercial and then Robin got back to her news. She told Howard that she saw a census taker out knocking on doors the other day and no one was answering. Howard said people should just answer their census and send it back in. Howard read a story about one guy who said that he was a census taker but it turns out he was on a sex offender list. Howard said that you just have to fill out the census but people are so damn paranoid. He said that no one is going to come after them. Howard said he'd like to know how that woman recognized the guy from the sex offender registry. He said that's fascinating to him.
Ralph called in and said that the census takers have been bothering him. Howard said that he should just fill the thing out. Ralph said he doesn't want any strangers in his apartment. He said he had FIOS installed the other day and he was afraid he was going to see all of the geeky stuff he has up there. He said it turned out the guy was pretty cool and he was impressed with what he saw.
Robin read a story about Brittany Murphy's husband being found dead. Robin said Brittany died a few months ago. Howard also brought up how Dana Plato's son killed himself. Robin said she meant to bring that up too. They talked about those stories and other stuff that were in the magazines they read. Howard said he saw Sandra Bullock holding her black baby again on the cover of a magazine. Howard said he reads all of these magazines and they can't get enough of white women with black kids. Howard said that kid that Sandra has is already working a full afro. Howard said that's what's going on and people love to see white women with black babies. Howard said everyone loves talking about that. Howard said Beth wants to get one but he's not sure anyone would give him a black baby. Howard said he might just apply to see if they would.
Robin read that Jesse James is giving an interview on Nightline. Howard said he can't wait. That's happening Tuesday night. Howard said he's very interested in that. Jesse breaks down and cries during the show. Howard said it will be the highest rated Nightline and people are lying about not wanting to watch it. Robin read about some of the quotes that Jesse has been giving and he thinks that he's the most hated man in the world right now. Howard said that can't be the case. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Michael Madsen being found passed out after going on a 9 day alcohol binge earlier this month. Robin said that they're saying that it might be time for him to get some help. Robin mentioned another guy who she talked about last week who has gone into rehab after being denied getting on an airplane because he was too drunk.
Robin read about this guy Rand Paul and how he's had to cancel his Sunday talk show appointments because he shot off his mouth about turning back civil rights and things like that. Robin said the guy was also saying that blaming BP for the oil spill is part of this blame game that this country plays. Howard said the guy is self destructing. He said that they don't know what they really want and they're just a bunch of assholes in the Tea Party. Robin had some audio of people from the GOP coming out and saying that these aren't their views, this is just Rand Paul's views.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that it's been great radio the past couple of weeks. He said he's been doing some incredible interviews. Howard thanked him for that. The caller said that he should stay on radio and just down size his hours. Howard thanked him again for that and let him go.
Robin said that President Obama has been talking about the Gulf of Mexico oil spill. She had some audio of some people from BP talking about that as well. Howard said it makes him want to vomit when he sees that oil spewing out into the water. Robin said they're still looking into the machine that Kevin Costner is trying to get them to use to help clean up the oil.
Robin said that they're saying that parts of the gulf are going to be shut off to fishing so seafood prices could shoot up. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about that.
Robin had some Sarah Palin speech clips. Howard played some of those and said that her voice cuts right through him.
Robin read a story about how women should get into shape before they get pregnant and it can help their kids stay healthy. She had some audio clips to play while she read that story.
Robin read a story about the Celebrity Apprentice and how Bret Michaels won. Howard said the doctors told him not to go but he went anyway. He said he must be nuts. Robin had some clips of Bret talking about his win and why he showed up against doctor's orders. Robin said he's even talking about going back on tour soon.
Robin read about Liza Minelli being in the new Sex and the City movie. Robin had some audio of Liza singing ''All The Single Ladies'' in the movie. She had some audio of that. Howard said he's going to the premiere tonight. He said he really needs them to start the movie on time. He doesn't think that will happen though.
Robin had some audio of Ryan Phillippe talking about being in the Macgruber movie. Howard let that play and said that Macgruber only made like $4 million this weekend. He said he didn't think they needed to make that Saturday Night Live bit into a movie. Robin and Howard spent a minute talking about the box office takes for some of the movies that are out.
Robin said that the Bachelorette is coming back this season. She had some audio of the host talking about the woman who is the Bachelorette this season. Howard said she's got a big ass but they try to hide it. He said he still loves the show and he will be watching it.
Robin read a story about how some sunscreen's aren't protecting people like they should. Howard said that he just stays under an umbrella. He said he doesn't need a tan because it's not going to make him look better. Robin said they say that the sunscreen's have chemicals in them that could be doing more harm than good.
Robin read about how Sarah ''Fergie'' Ferguson has been caught saying that she'd allow access to her ex-husband to some reporter. Robin said that she's apparently out of money but it's not clear why that is. Howard said she makes good money on sponsorship deals and she must run right through it. They wrapped up the news and ended the show around 11:10am.
Gary said Jim McClure was out there and he was saying that they were working on it. He said that Tim told him that someone is always listening to the show and they had trouble finding out what the problem was. Jon said that it's understandable that Howard got upset about it. Gary said that it didn't affect the show that much because the celebrities didn't know what was going on.
Gary said he didn't impose himself on the show too much out there. He said that they were speculating on a lot of stuff and he just let them do it. He said that he's going to keep a list of what they were talking about and he'll go on sometime and talk about it.
Gary said he was out of sorts when he went on because of Howard calling him about the problem they had. Gary said his dad passed away 4 or 5 years ago and he never really said that he loved him but he knew he loved him. He said that's what it was like with Howard. He said that when he said that when the staff talks to him it's like talking to Howard it felt good to him. He said it was probably the people he said it in front of that made him feel good.
Jon asked Gary about Lisa G not getting the chance to go out to Los Angeles to cover the whole Superfan thing. Gary said it sounds like Lisa thinks that Steve did something just so she couldn't go out there to cover it. Benjy said Lisa might feel that it was her territory and Steve was trying to steal it away from her. Gary said he thinks that Steve was trying to cover more than just one thing.
Benjy said he can see Lisa's point of view about the whole thing. Gary said that the news director made the final decision though. He said that it wasn't Steve. Jon said that Lisa thought it was her world and she thought she should have been out there.
Jon asked if Gary thought Natalie was too brought on Lisa. Gary said that everyone else there was being kind and Natalie was the only one who had the balls to say it. Gary said that he and Natalie were talking about Jeff Probst and Natalie thinks that Jeff is like the Jon Hein of the show and won't talk about his own personal life.
Jon said that Natalie has put the offer out there to let Lisa play with the band. Gary said he doesn't think that Lisa will end up doing it. He said he thinks Lisa will find a way to not finish it off. Jon said that Lisa loves that world though and he'd be surprised if she backed out. Gary said he practiced to pitch at that Mets game and look how that turned out. Jon said that Lisa should be able to play. Benjy said that Lisa could play on the show and get the exposure she'd get at the Dixie Chick's show.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary about the way he feels about Howard saying that he's his ears on the show. Gary said it's always good to hear that. He said that you can't get enough good compliments.
Another caller said that Howard is her drug of choice and hearing him talking about leaving is getting her to prepare for a grieving process. She said she can't even fathom what that's going to be like. She said she has no idea what she's going to do if he does leave. Jon asked her if she thinks he will leave. She said she's really not sure but he's got such a loyal following that it could convince him to stay. She said that he could also stick around to keep the staff employed but she's really not sure. She doesn't know what she's going to do if he leaves. Benjy asked her if she's tried Sporcle. She had no idea what he was talking about.
Benjy said that he thinks that people might be more involved in this show than they are in anything else. Jon said that people start their day off with this show like a cup of coffee. Jon said that it's going to change people's lives.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about some clips that Howard has promoted and not played lately. Gary said that they just haven't had time to get to them yet.
Jon and Gary talked about some of the discussions they had on the Celebrity Superfan show and how Mark McGrath might be one of the most vocal about Howard retiring. Jon said that Howard was saying that if SIRIUS doesn't give him what he wants then he's out of there. He said that Howard is okay with the alternative and that's scary to them there.
Gary said that he's had some people come up to him asking to go out to lunch to talk about this stuff. Gary said he feels like he's doing damage control now. Gary said they're getting to the point where he's going to start worrying. He said that they're very close to their summer vacation and he's getting worried. He said that in a month he's going to be really worried.
Gary said he thinks that Howard is negotiating on the air which means he's really not talking to anyone and that's really scary.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she wants to know if Howard has a handle on just how much it would affect his listening audience. She said that he seems to play it down a lot. Gary said that there might be a part of him who doesn't know that much. When you're on radio there is no live audience to see and they just get mail from the fans. Gary said you don't know it until you go out to do a live event.
The caller said that it could be devastating to a lot of people. Gary said that Howard cares about the fans but does he have to do what's right for them or for himself? The caller said that he has to do what's right for himself. Benjy said he doesn't think that Howard is thinking about hurting anyone emotionally.
Benjy asked the caller how long she's been listening. She said that she's been listening for about 6 months now. She said she never really got into the show until she heard it on her boss' radio. She said that she got really into it and she listens to every minute of it. She said she's going to be devastated and she's only been a listener for a short time now.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if they think that people like Fred would be able to find a job. Gary said Fred is an amazing writer and he could probably write on a sitcom. The caller said he thinks that Howard doesn't get involved in negotiations but he would feel bad if his employees didn't have a job while others did. Gary said that he doesn't think that Howard would pay for anyone if he wanted to take a year off. That's what he thought the question was going to be. They had to go to break after that.
Benjy said he finds her really fun to look at so he was looking at her. He said that she's hot but there's something very pretty about her. He said she's got that voice and the singing and she seems like a very good person too.
Gary said it's 10 times sexier when a person has talent like that. Gary said he rarely turns his chair around to watch the screen but that's what he did today when she was performing.
Jon asked what's up with Howard's attraction to that song. Gary said Howard is into some really sad stuff. Benjy said Howard is into some song that reminds him of his mom. Gary said there might be but it's not the one she did today. They figured it was that Primitive Radio Gods song ''Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth With Money in My Hand.''
Jon wanted to get out of that vortex a short time later so he said that usually when a song hits you then you can explain it. Howard wasn't able to do that though. Gary said that was odd but he's not sure why that was.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about the comment Jewel made about Artie and why they didn't expand on that. Gary said he thinks that someone who listens to the show a lot told Jewel about it and that's why she brought it up. Howard has been into that song way longer than Artie has been on the show so he doesn't think it had anything to do with Artie.
The caller asked about why they had Don Rickles on so late. Gary said that they called him last week asking when they could have him in. Gary said he had to wait as late as possible so he just threw it on Howard later in the show. He said that it was like 9:48 when he was on the phone but the timing ended up working and it was worth having him on so late. They said that it was a great call too.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if it was really a surprise for Howard. Gary said it was. He said he knew about the call but Howard didn't. The caller was also asking about the Artie mention and he wonders if she listens. Gary said he thinks someone else clued her in.
The caller was also wondering what they think about Howard's negotiations and if they think SIRIUS is waiting for Howard to come to them. Gary said he's not sure but he's just sitting in the back seat waiting to see what will happen.
Jon asked Gary what he thinks about Howard retiring and if he really could do what he says he would do if he retired. Howard was saying he'd play chess, watch movies and play with his iPad. Gary said that when you have all the time in the world you run out of stuff to do and a lot of older people figure that out when they retire.
Benjy said he thinks that Howard would be able to do whatever he wants and he could do another show from his house or something. Gary said he asked Howard about that and he says he would stop working completely. Benjy thinks that Howard could go on the web and just start broadcasting after tweeting out to the fans that he's doing a show in 20 minutes. Gary said he thinks that the switch is either on or off and there won't be anything like that going on.
Benjy said that Howard will do something creatively. Gary doesn't think Howard would do it unless he can do it full out. He's not going to do it the way Benjy is saying. Jon agreed with Gary. Benjy said he's not facing any danger in taking a year off and then starting something up later. Gary said he's worried about not being able to bring the whole gang back together. If he takes time off he may not be able to do that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard holding out for money is like Jackie Martling holding out. Gary said it really isn't. He said Howard's value is a lot more than Jackie's is. Benjy said that it's exactly the same and there was nothing wrong with Jackie doing that. Gary said the difference is that when you're going to issue an ultimatum, you have to be prepared for the consequences. He said Howard is ready to go if they don't have a deal for him. Gary said Howard also has a lot of opportunities outside of there if he wanted to do something else. Jackie may not have had that. They had to end the show after that.
Howard started the show talking about his night last night at the movie premiere for Sex and the City 2. Howard said he loves Sex and the City and he's a big fan. He said that's what he was telling the reporters on the red carpet last night too. Howard said there were a lot of other guys there but they may think it's gay to talk about it. Howard said he told the guys it's okay to talk about it.
Howard said he would never go to a premiere in the middle of the week but his daughter loves the series and the movies. He said he wants to do something for his daughter because she's doing her job in school. He said he sucked it up and went to the premiere for her. He said she was so excited about it too. He said Ashley and Beth got all dressed up and Beth was almost naked. He said that's great. Howard said he can see her in Us Magazine again in the ''Who Wore it Better'' section. Howard said that was kind of fun.
Howard said it was almost like the Academy Awards last night. He said that's what it was for the women there. Howard said everyone was dressed up. Robin said that's what women do when they go to a movie premiere. Howard said it was at Radio City Music Hall and they weren't able to get near the place. He said they had barricades of fans and people were snapping pictures of everything.
Howard said they got to the red carpet around 6:40 after leaving the house at 6pm. Howard said he would have hopped out and walked but he thinks they would have gotten tackled.
Howard said he saw Mario Cantone first. He said they hugged and Mario is much shorter than he remembered. Howard said they took some pictures together. He said that the photographers were ordering him around trying to get him in pictures with just Beth but he ignored them and kept his daughter there.
Howard said he felt like he had to get dressed up with Beth and Ashley so he had Ralph help him out getting dressed. Howard said there were so many photographers there that he doesn't know how they make a living. Howard said there must have been 1000 there. Robin said it can't be that many. Howard said it took them forever to get into the movie. Every major TV show was there and they were taking pictures, doing interviews and talking to people like Donald Trump and Melania. Howard said he was watching Neil Cavuto on FOX News before the movie premiere and Donald was talking about the Chinese making money off of us and lending it back to us. Howard said Trump was saying that we need to tax the crap out of that country. Howard explained what Trump was saying and said he told Trump he was making some sense over there. Howard said Trump started to yell at him about taxing the Chinese too. Howard said Trump was talking about the Celebrity Apprentice show ratings too.
Howard said he ran into Chris Noth and some other people from the Sex and the City shows and movies. Howard said his daughter wanted to meet these people. Howard said he asked one guy who was in the TV show if he was in the movie and he said he wasn't in this new movie. Howard said the guy had a French accent and he was talking to the guy in front of the camera. Howard said he told the guy that if he was gay he'd want to be with him because of his rock hard ass. Howard said he and the guy were talking in front of a camera about how to get in shape and stuff like that. He said the whole thing was very gay. Howard said he doesn't care if it's gay or not. He was there with his hot wife and he knows he gets to bang her so he doesn't care.
Howard said he was even wearing his summer scarf there. He said the scarf is black. Howard said he told the cameras that he's a 4 there in New York. He said he was the only ugly guy there. He said he's a guy's guy who you can talk to there at a premiere.
Howard said he knew the movie wasn't going to start on time because he got there so late. Howard said he was dying to see it but it was going to be 2 1/2 hours long and it was getting late. Howard said he really just wanted to go home and fuck Beth. He said his daughter was there so that reined him in.
Howard said he was walking around and pointing people out to his daughter. Howard said it was great to see this through her eyes. Howard said he heard that Gabourey Sidibe was there. He didn't want to run into her though. He said people think he's in a feud with her. Howard said he didn't want to see Matthew Broderick because of what he did to him years ago. Howard said he gets why the guy doesn't like him. He said he did good radio with that call to his answering machine but he'd rather avoid talking to him now. Fred threw in a car crashing sound while Howard talked about that.
Howard said he heard that Gabourey Sidibe came in late so he didn't see her. Howard said he told every TV show the same thing when they asked him about the movie. Howard said they were asking if he was on team big or some other team and he said he didn't know what they were talking about. He said he was on there admitting he was watching Sex and the City and that should have been enough. He said he was being gay enough.
Howard said he did a ton of interviews and he was saying the same thing over and over. Howard said they were asking him about American Idol but he was saying that would be beneath him. He said he has a career on the radio and going on that show would be a waste. Howard said he doesn't want to be doing that. He said it would be a dumb career move to do that. Howard said Simon Cowell is good at doing it but he doesn't want to step into that spot. He said he was telling them how bad Ellen is on the show and how he could save the franchise but he's not going to do that. Robin said they could get Piers Morgan or someone like that to fill in for Simon. Howard said that would be a good one.
Howard said he went out running yesterday and his buddy Pat was running so fast and he's so short he doesn't know how he does it. Howard said he went to the premiere after that and sat near Donald Trump. Then he looks at his watch and it's 7:35. He said the movie was supposed to start at 7.
Howard said Lisa G was stuck at the end of the press line at the premiere. He said she was stuck with the people who do podcasts. He said one woman was asking about someone from some TV show from the UK and he had no idea what she was talking about. Howard said he told her that the UK is nothing to him. He told her that to make it in show business you have to make it in America to be anything. He said he was talking to this woman like it mattered and he was woozy by the time he got there so they'll probably hate him over there when she plays the audio. Howard said he saw Lisa G there and she started asking him something but he was out of it by then.
Howard said Lisa thinks that she should be up front in the press line because of his name. Howard said he doesn't know how to explain it to her that it's just not going to happen.
Howard said Lisa was holding up a Howard Stern sign and she looked like a crazed fan. He said when you get down there you just blow by. He said they really did stick her in a shitty spot.
Howard said there were a lot of cops there at the premiere. They may have had the whole force there. He said they had it pretty much under control though.
Howard said he went into the movie and said he started to weigh his options. He said it was 7:45 and he told them that he had to get out of there. Howard said Beth asked him how he was going to get home in the crowd. Howard said he told her not to worry because he'd be fine.
Howard said he went outside and ran into Kim Cattrell and he had to be rude so he could find his car so he could get home and go to bed. Howard said he's neurotic about that. Howard said he blew by a bunch of people and Beth told him he missed Amanda Peet who was sitting in front of them. Howard said he didn't want to be confronted in front of his daughter. Howard said he says things about people and his daughter said he's just mean. Howard said he told her that's his job. Howard said he doesn't know who likes him and who doesn't.
Howard said he looked like he was running around looking to get interviewed. Howard said he was with the cops and even they got bored with him. He got to his car and went home. He watched Dancing with the Stars instead. Howard said Beth said the movie didn't start until 8. He said she didn't get home until 11.
Howard said he did see Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker on his way out but he didn't talk to them. Howard said the whole thing was kind of weird with the questions reporters were asking. Howard said he was talking to people from the UK and China out there on the red carpet. He said he just wanted to be left alone. Howard said he was trying to make jokes about stuff to entertain people. Howard said Robin really has to see where Lisa G stands. He said they had the reporters, TV interviewers and then you work your way down to print reporters and then Lisa G. Howard said she was with the high school newspapers. Howard said it's clear that Howard 100 News gets no respect. Howard said he should have written down the people who were down there with her. He said it was high school reporters and podcasters.
Howard said Lisa was in with ''Other'' media. He said that it was mostly internet stuff. Howard said before you get to Lisa there's some African guy sitting there doing smoke signals to his tribe. Howard said she was dead last and even the UK chick was ahead of her. Lisa thinks he should do something about it but there's nothing he can do.
Howard said he ran into Wendy Williams. He said he hugged her and she told him how great Beth was on the show. He said she's got the biggest tits too. He said she's much prettier in person than she is on TV. He said she's over the top with those titties though. Howard said she went super big with them. Howard said one tit is bigger than his head. Robin believes it. She said she looks flat chested next to Wendy.
Howard said he got home and got kind of depressed. He said he was watching Dancing with the Stars instead of being with his wife and daughter. Howard said that the male dancers on Dancing with the Stars are assholes. He said that he's way too into the wrong things. He was digging the show. He said tonight he'll be right there watching American Idol too.
,Howard said the dog followed him upstairs so he had to go down and watch TV to get the dog to leave him alone. Howard said he went up the steps and snuck around so the dog wouldn't come up. He said it breaks his heart when she wants to be with him. Howard said he could have stayed at the premiere because he was up so late.
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Howard said Robin showed up with this woman and Robin didn't introduce her to anyone. Robin said she introduced her to everyone they way. Howard said he heard that the woman was making phone calls from the office and Jason asked her who she was. She said that she was with Robin so Jason thought that was okay but he wasn't sure. Robin said that she left her with Jared because she needed to use a computer. Howard said this woman is tied into the comedy show charity event or something.
Howard said he heard that Robin was telling Sal and Richard where they were going to be sitting at the comedy show. Howard said Robin is getting these guys to get auctioned off with these charities. Howard said that she has to end this 15 Foundation thing now. Howard said everyone is asking him to say something to her. He said that she's getting everyone involved and no one wants to be. Robin said they don't have to be. Howard said people are afraid of her and they can't say no.
JD came in to talk about this but he said he's scared because Robin once threatened to stab him in the eye with a pencil one time. JD said he didn't think she was asking Sal and Richard either. He said it sounded like she was telling them what they were going to be doing. JD said he thought she was going to come to him next but he must not be famous enough.
Howard said he's not getting involved in this one. He said he's done after donating to that charity with the movie making thing. Robin said they have Darrell Hammond added to the comedy show.
Howard said Robin has blossomed. He told her ''you go girl.'' He asked her to please leave him out of it though. Robin said you can get tickets at 15Foundation.org. The show is on a Wednesday.
Howard said he ran into Savanna there at the premiere. He said she still looks fantastic. Howard said he introduced her to his daughter. He said he was telling reporters that his daughter learned everything she knows about sex from that show.
Howard asked Robin why she's keeping the staff out late at that comedy show. Robin said ''Oh, here we go...'' Howard said that she shouldn't keep them out late. Robin said they don't have to participate.
Howard said he started to think about all of the hands he shook at the premiere. He said he thought about washing his hands but then he was beating off and figured he'd just get that done. Howard said he lost his arousal because he figured he shouldn't be touching it with his dirty hands. He didn't want to wake the dog so he just threw the tissues back in the box disgusted. He said he's a three tissue man. He said that should turn Robin on.
Howard said he slept for 19 minutes from 10 to 10:19 last night. He said he could have stayed at the premiere. Howard said he figured Beth was home but he didn't want to wake the dog up. He said he called the driver of the car and found out that she was just getting dropped off. Howard said Beth was taking a shower so he had her get into bed and he got frisky. Howard said he was trying to rub her belly and vagina or whatever he could get to. He said that it was kind of lame and he told her that she doesn't love him anymore. He said that she didn't want to have sex so he felt rejected. He said if he had beat off he would have been fine.
Howard said his shrink listens to all of this stuff and he asks the guy if they should just give up at this point. He said he has his mother's voice in his head and he can't get rid of it. Howard said they should just stop.
Robin said that at some point it will just click and it'll be done. Howard said the only click he's going to hear is that of a gun. He said he's going to blow his brains out. Howard said he wasn't able to stay out and watch this movie last night. He said everyone else can go out like that but not him. He said he's a nut. Howard said he's not sure what to do with himself.
Howard said Beth is heading out to Pittsburgh to do a book signing and now he won't see her for two nights. He said that she used to make sure to bang him before trips like that but not last night. He said that he was telling Beth how beautiful Savanna was last night. That didn't get him laid though.
Howard said that Beth will be at the Waterworks Mall in Fox Chapel tomorrow night at 6:30pm. Howard said she's on the NY Times Best Seller list for the second week in a row with that book of her's.
Howard said that tomorrow night he'll be jerking off. He said he has a date with himself. He said he's had it and he's walking around with heavy balls. Howard asked Robin if she wanted to help him out. Robin said she's busy.
Howard said it was like she was whispering to him in the song. He said it was so sexy. Howard played more of the song after stopping it a couple of times to talk about it. Howard said she wouldn't be able to handle his neurotic stuff if she was with him. He said Beth handles it very well. Howard said her husband couldn't be more opposite of him. He imagined her running away after being with him. Fred played clips of her peeling out and running away very fast.
Howard played more of the song and it broke up in the middle of it. Howard asked Scott the Engineer if he screwed up when he transferred it. Scott came in and said that he didn't know what was wrong. He said that the master sounded fine this morning. He said he listened back to the master but not the whole thing. Howard asked why he would bother doing that. Scott said he can't listen to everything he transfers. Howard said he gets it and he can't argue with him. Howard said it seems that a lot of things go wrong.
Howard played more of the song and it started to break up more and more as the song went on. Howard said he doesn't know what to do. He said he tried to get here on time today by not staying out late and Scott doesn't bother checking his work. Howard said he was a production guy and he used to listen to everything he recorded. Howard said he must be an asshole for doing that. Howard said that must be why he's where he's at while Scott is back there where he is. Howard said Jewel was wonderful yesterday and he wanted to finish the song but he can't.
Howard said that Sal and Richard are looking forward to her comedy show because they have an open bar. Robin said that's true. Howard said they're going to take full advantage of that.
Howard said he was trying to get laid last night an he couldn't even make that happen. Howard said he just feels dumb. Howard said Beth should take care of him before she goes to Pittsburgh. Howard asked Robin if she would do that for him. Robin said that Beth is up late and under stress so maybe she's not up for it. Robin said she can't say if she would help.
Howard said he would even take a hand job. Howard said that must be annoying. He said that she'd have to find some lubricant to do that. He said he doesn't like dry hand jobs. He said that he has met women who are so good at it they don't need lube. Howard said they're very special women. Fred played some sound effects during that discussion. He had a dry sawing sound for the dry hand job.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Beth ever offered to back out of the movie premiere so he could bring his daughter. Howard said that wasn't an option. He said he couldn't have left his daughter there alone.
Howard said he had to take a break. He said they have to hear more from Gary about his trip to L.A. and John Stamos' party. Howard asked Gary what happened with Scott and the Jewel song. Gary said that it's not the file, it might be Howard's board or the Prophet system. Scott said they can't do anything during the show so they may have to wait until after. Howard said that he hardly touches his board. Scott said that electronics go bad sometimes. Scott said he curses things.
Howard said they asked for some clips from Scott about the Celebrity Superfan Roundtable show and he was going into a whole explanation about it and they just told him to shut the fuck up and get out. Howard said Scott wouldn't get out. Howard said they were under a lot of pressure and had to go over the show rundown. He said it took forever just to explain it to Scott. Scott said he would have done it if they wanted him to do it. Howard said they just wanted to know why he didn't do it. Scott explained it and they were fine with it.
Howard asked Scott what he's going to do if he leaves radio. Scott said he's not sure. He said he'll put out feelers and a resume and see what happens. He said that he's a 57 year old radio engineer. Gary said he can asked ''Who needs a 57 year old radio engineer with a can-do attitude?''
Fred asked if he could play the Jewel song on his system and the breaking up won't be there. Scott said that's what his initial analysis was. Fred played the song and let it play through right up until it broke up at the exact spots that it did on Howard's computer. Howard said he knew that Scott was wrong. Scott said he knew that was going to happen. Fred said he bought it for a second. Howard said he knows Scott like Fred knows the Mike Walker Game. Howard said he thinks Scott's final hair fell out of his head. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Howard said he wants people to know that she was at the end of the red carpet last night. He said people just ignore her down there. She said she got Sarah Jessica Parker for like 2 seconds and she appreciates Howard's support of the movie. Howard said he just saw her for like 2 seconds. Lisa said she's looking really good.
Howard said he thinks he walked by her and her husband but he was frantic getting out of there to find his car. Howard was texting so Lisa wondered what was going on. Howard said he takes his job seriously and he must be the only one around there who does that. Howard said he wanted to get home to go to bed. Howard said he walked out calm and found out where his car was so he could leave. Robin said that he can move his schedule around and work it in there.
Lisa said her Howard Stern sign came in handy last night. Howard asked who she was hanging out with because it was like the dregs down there where she was. Lisa said she had written down some names. Lisa said she had Brad Blank Media and he feeds stuff to Australia. Lisa said the publicists from Warner Brothers Films escorted her to the red carpet and put her at the end of the line. Howard said he spoke to Cosmo radio and they're on SIRIUS. Howard said he asked them to just borrow Lisa's tape. Howard said that he was out of energy by then.
Lisa said that there were magazines at the end of the line. OK magazine, In Style, Sun Media Canada and a bunch of other ones were down there at her end. Howard asked who the British chick was. Lisa thought it was BBC News but Howard said he doesn't think that's where she was from.
Lisa said that Verizon was there ahead of her in line. Howard said he didn't understand why Verizon was there. Howard said that's who was around Lisa down at the end of the line. Howard was goofing on the British chick and Robin had to correct him on what Great Britain was because he didn't seem to know. Howard said he felt like Sal.
Howard said that Doug Goodstein showed him some pictures of Andy Dick's shed. He said it's like a shed you buy for bicycles. He said it has no windows. He said that's where Andy Dick lives. Howard said the guy had the world at his fingertips and now he's living in a shed with no windows. Robin said that's like what she saw down in Guatemala. Howard said that must be the most depressing way to live.
Howard said Andy bought the house that his ex-wife is living in and he can't even live there himself. Howard said Andy busted his balls to pay for that place. Howard said maybe she's saving his life but taking the house and letting him live there though.
Lisa said that she was talking to a bunch of people at the premiere last night. She told Howard what some of the people had to say about Howard last night. Lisa said Gabourey Sidibe didn't stop to talk to her. Howard said he heard that she won't talk to a lot of people. Lisa said she knows she saw her. Howard said that people have blown their load by the time they get there.
Lisa said she was sending Brad notes about where she was stuck. Howard said that Steve Langford doesn't send notes to Brad Driver about that kind of stuff. Howard said that's why Steve gets to go to California. Lisa said she felt bad so she just sent an email. She wasn't complaining.
Lisa gave a rundown of what was going to be going on at the charity comedy show that Robin's 15 Foundation is throwing. The seats are $250 each. Howard said that this is the new Robin and she's on a tear. Howard said he heard that Robin was yelling at Sal and Richard about talking about this stuff. Robin said she wasn't yelling. She said that she just asked them if they wanted to be involved or not. Robin said she just opened the door and said it was an invitation and not a demand. Robin said she wasn't yelling.
Howard said that's just the feedback he got. Howard said he knows with the charity stuff that she's on a tear. Howard said she has to take a breather. Robin said the next thing is about a year away. Howard said some people feel the have to be booked on the shows that she's doing. Howard said he hears things from people about the pressure they're feeling. Howard said Lisa must hear rumblings. Lisa said she is hearing some.
Lisa said that it would be nice if they lowered the ticket prices for future shows so other people can go. Lisa said that she can't afford to go to this one. Robin said they have an amazing line up and they never get people like this to do a show.
Lisa said she had a story about Adam Carolla's wife telling a story about Jillian Barberie throwing up in her own lap at the Jimmy Kimmel party.
Robin said she noticed that Howard rarely mentioned Jillian being there. Howard said he avoided that topic like the plague. Howard said he wasn't even going to bring it up. He was protecting Jillian. Howard said he heard that Adam and his wife were talking about this stuff and they didn't hesitate to talk about her throwing up.
Howard said he saw Jillian at the beginning of the party and she was wonderful. He said she wasn't drunk or anything like that. After an hour or so he went to the music room and came out hours later. Howard said there were a bunch of people outside on couches. He said Jimmy told him not to sit on this one couch that had pillows on it. He said that Jimmy had marked it off because there was an accident. Howard said he was completely consumed with that because Jimmy was thinking he shouldn't have so many people there. Howard said Jimmy had it taped off like a crime scene.
Howard said he didn't know what was going on so he asked around and heard whispers. Howard said someone told him Jillian had vomited. Howard said one of the women said that Jillian was very respectful. She vomited into her dress. Howard said he started cracking up. He said she kind of wiped it off and sat there for a few more minutes. Howard said his head was spinning hearing this. Howard said Tom Arnold sat with Jillian and talked to her about sobering up. Jillian explained that she had taken some medication that night. Howard said that he didn't know the details but he heard that Tom Arnold was doing an intervention. Howard said he didn't see her the rest of the night.
Howard said he didn't want to humiliate Jillian by talking about her vomiting at the party. He said he didn't want to get her into trouble. Howard said he's already apparently ruined his relationship with John Stamos so he didn't want to ruin another one with Jillian.
Howard said he didn't know the story was going to come out on Adam Carolla's wife's Podcast. Howard said he doesn't usually hide stuff, well, sometimes he does. Howard said Jillian has to do her own spin on this thing so she told everyone she had her period and she was on some sort of medication to control it. Howard said her cramps are really bad so that's why she ended up vomiting. Lisa said Jillian told her it was a Vikodin. Gary said she said it was some other kind of prescription drug like Neproxin or something like that.
Gary said that his theory is that she hasn't been able to drink for months since having her baby and he thinks that she may have had some drinks thinking she could drink the way she used to and she got sick. Howard said he thinks it's funny how Tom Arnold had to do an intervention. He said he had a whole meltdown over it.
Howard said some of the vomit got on Jimmy's couch and he's glad that Jimmy warned him. He said that he didn't want to bring any of this out on the air and make Jillian go berserk. He said she's so nice and she loves the show so he didn't want to talk about it.
Howard said Lisa was asked to perform with the Dixie Chicks by Natalie Maines. He said his prediction is that she'll never do it. Lisa said that she's already working on it. Howard said she's going to sabotage it somehow. Howard said that maybe she could just wing it. Lisa said she's not that good and she needs to get the music from Natalie to rehearse. Howard said maybe she can just dance with her cat on stage if that doesn't work out. Howard let Lisa go after that.
Howard said Ralph did that Geektime show and admitted he cried during the ''LOST'' finale. Howard wondered how he could admit to that. He played a clip from the show where Ralph was talking about who he sobbed for like 30 minutes on Sunday night. Ralph was saying he wrote Damon Lindelof a note and he got a note back and that made him tear up too.
Howard said he can't imagine crying during LOST of all things. He said that Damon is a big fan of the show and he's one of the writers for LOST and it's bumming him out hearing him bad mouthing the show. Howard said he used to love the show but they blew it. Howard said he didn't think anyone would watch that finale. He figured they lost everyone by the end. Robin said they had 13 million viewers.
Howard had some audio of Damon Lindelof talking about listening to the show and how stressed out he gets hearing Howard bad mouthing the show that he was writing. Damon said that it's kind of cool at the same time though. He said that he had to put it in perspective and say that it was coming from the man who liked Sex and the City.
Howard said that Sex and the City had a beginning, middle and end. He said that LOST didn't. He said it was too confusing. Howard said that they blew it with that show and it didn't make any sense. Howard said he knew they were lying that they had the answers. Robin said it was okay because they were dealing with an alternate universe. Howard said he was a fan in the beginning but they lost him.
Howard said he still thinks that the Star Trek movie that JJ Abrams did was great. Robin said that was probably the most perfect thing she's seen. Howard said he hasn't lost his taste in movies like that and The Godfather.
Howard said he saw Charlie Daniels doing something in a commercial. Howard said when he plays the fiddle he keeps all of the strings really super long. He said he must want to look like he doesn't care how they look. It must be a move he does.
Howard said he doesn't know Damon Lindelof but he knows he works with JJ Abrams. He said he just didn't like LOST anymore and he had to bail on it. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said Ronnie and JD are out there yelling too. JD said it was like a one second thing. He said he was sorry about that. They were just fucking around with him. Howard told JD to leave Ronnie alone. He said that Ronnie is like a child and they have to leave him alone.
Howard said Ronnie thinks he's funny but he's a nut job. JD said he thought Ronnie was saying something about him but he wasn't. Howard told him that he has to leave Ronnie alone because he can't handle it out there. Howard said he may have to send Ronnie down to his car.
Ronnie came in and said that Howard got up on the wrong side of the bed. Ronnie said that nothing got ugly out there. He said nothing was going on out there. Ronnie said that they were joking around out there. Howard said that Ronnie jokes around until it's about him and then he freaks out.
Howard said JD is like feeding the animals at the zoo. He said he has to pay attention to the signs and not feed them. Ronnie didn't get why Howard was giving him a hard time about this. Howard said that today it's fine but tomorrow it'll turn into something else and Ronnie will snap. Ronnie said no one bothers him anymore so nothing was going on. Howard said JD is playing with fire. Ronnie said that nothing is wrong and it's fine.
Howard said these two don't get along and they have to just leave Ronnie alone. Ronnie said they're fine. He said that he just laughs it all off. Howard said that's today, tomorrow it could turn into something else.
Ronnie said they were goofing around out in the hall and Benjy walked by and heard him say something about shtick and he thought it was about him but it was about Benjy. Howard said Nerds and Old Jews mix like oil and water and he doesn't need it.
Howard wondered why that tape was fine playing through his board. They goofed on Scott about the earlier problems. Howard asked Gary to come in after that.
Gary said that John is a real musician and John's jams are for musicians and not for novices. He said that there was one guy out there who was invited to the party and he was invited so he had some good musicians there.
Gary said that the house is really nice out there. He said he's got a nice pool and he has a lot of Disney stuff there. He said it's a really nice house too.
Robin asked what John said about Jimmy's house. Howard said he's not going to get into that anymore. He said he's done talking about Stamos.
Gary said he went to John's house and ran into Bob Saget and talked to him for a minute. He said Saget told him that his daughter was flying in and later on he went up to Bob and Bob told him this was his daughter with him. He said the woman was stunning. Gary said that he asked around and found out that was his girlfriend and she's a Playboy Playmate of the year. Gary said she couldn't be more than 22 and it was Bob's 54th birthday. Howard said he must be serial dating. Howard said she must fuck like a champ too.
Gary told Howard how hot this woman was and Howard wondered if anyone has explained that Bob's best days are behind him. Gary said he heard that there were no Stamos girls there. Howard said that he heard shit from Stamos about that. He said he didn't do anything but Stamos was blaming him for the problems he's having with his women. Howard said Stamos got a hold of him and bummed him out after he was on the air. He said that he turned it all on him after that.
Howard said he had to play some clips of Riley's show. Riley said he is on medication for his pain and things like that. Howard said he wouldn't sound incoherent like Riley did if he was on those meds.
Howard had a clip of the intro of Riley's show and he defied Robin to tell him what he's talking about. Howard played the clip and Riley was rambling about something but it wasn't clear what it was. Riley was talking about someone but no one knew who it was.
Howard played another clip where a caller was asking Riley about where he was abducted in Maryland. Riley was thrown off by something and he wasn't able to give him a straight answer. Riley said he had brain lock and told the caller to get his book to figure it out.
Riley said it was Salisbury where he was abducted. Howard played another clip where Riley was slurring his words and explaining about how big something was. Riley was going on and on and not making much sense. He kind of trailed off into mumbles that were barely words. Robin got a laugh out of that. JD told Howard this was just a minute and a half of an 11 minute rambling.
Howard said when Riley asks for a raise they just have to play that tape. Riley also flirted with a female caller. Howard played that clip and the woman was saying she wanted more Riley Martin. Riley thanked her for that and said he's been trying to get them to do that for years. Riley and the woman spent a couple of minutes going back and forth and Riley started to call her darling and told her that his love and spirit is with her all the time.
Howard said that Riley is on an iPhone app now. Riley said that he has some of his famous sayings in the app. He said you can find that in the Apple app store. Howard asked what it costs. Riley said it's a buck. Howard said he might have to get that app. Riley said you can find it on RileyMartin.com too. Howard let Riley go and played a prank call the guys made to a guy using Riley clips.
Howard said it sounds like a cool party. Howard asked if any big names showed up. Gary said that Robert Pattinson was there. He said that he's a nice guy. John and Robert have the same agent. Gary said that everyone wanted to take pictures with him so he felt kind of bad for the guy. Gary said that John was in the band room and he was performing with some guys in there. He said that Dewey from the band America was there and he did most of their hit songs.
Gary said that a bunch of other celebrities were there too. He said that Brad Grey, a bunch of people from TV shows that John has been on were there. Dane Cook was there so he ate with him. He said Adrienne Grenier was there and he was playing drums too. Gary said he thinks that Stamos is better looking than him. He said there were some really hot chicks there though. He said he was talking to one hot chick who claims she doesn't know who anyone is because she never had a TV growing up. Meanwhile she's walking around John Stamos' party.
Gary said he met Bob Saget's daughter and she couldn't have been more than a year or two different in age from Bob's girlfriend. He said that must be weird for her dad to be dating someone so young.
Gary talked about some of the other people at the party. He said he thinks that Bob is the only guy who can play with the band who isn't a pro. Gary said John wasn't in a great mood out there either. Gary said Bob's girlfriend wants to come on the show and since she's dating bob they're going to book her. He said they had passed on her before but now they'll have her on. Howard wrapped up that story and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that he had this woman Jillian Lauren coming in. Howard explained how hot she was and how she had two nose rings. Howard said she met up with some guys and she ended up getting stuck in a harem. Howard had some technical problems in the studio so he had to ask her to hold on. He said he was going to have to just ignore it for now. He couldn't do that though. He asked Scott to come in and help Jillian with her mic.
Howard noticed that Jillian had a lot of tattoos too. Jillian told Howard that she was actually in the harem in Borneo. She said she was doing some stripping and escorting work before that. Howard asked her how she got caught up in that. Jillian said that her parents knew early on that she wasn't going to medical school or anything like that. Jillian said she had a couple of different elements going on and she was an exhibitionist and she liked extreme things. She had some abuse in her life and it was various people in her life. She said she had a difficult situation in her family and that was the recipe for her becoming what she became.
Howard asked Jillian about how she got involved in this whole thing. She said she had dropped out of college and she had to make money so a friend told her about how she should try stripping. She said it was at the Kit Cat Club there in New York City. She said she was a bartender there but that's not where the money was at. She said that she went up on stage and it was a disaster the first time.
Howard asked what the difference is between a hooker and an escort. She said there isn't a difference. Howard asked how she got into that stuff. Jillian said she met a woman on a vampire movie she was acting in. She said that she thought that was going to be her rocket to stardom. Jillian said that this woman told her that she was going to ruin her knees and asked her to come work at this escort agency. Jillian said she thought it was going to be like the Mayflower Madam and it was going to be easy.
Howard asked if Jillian how long ago this escorting thing was. She said it was 18 years ago and making $250 a night was big money back then. She said that she talks about some of this stuff in her book ''Some Girls: My Life in a Harem.''
Jillian said that the first guy she was with was kind of sad. She said that he just jerked off while she was naked on the bed. She said he did Amil Nitrate and jerked off while she just sat there naked. Jillian said that's all she had to do. She said he just looked at himself in the mirror as he did that. She said he almost passed out after that. Jillian said that he didn't even drop a load on her. She figured it wasn't so bad after that.
Howard said that Jillian says that this guy was a radio guy. Jillian said that she made people into a conglomerate of various people and she's not going to say who it was. Howard figured it was Don Imus when he read the description but Jillian said that it wasn't him but that guy was a celebrity.
Robin asked what she got paid to do that. Jillian said that she wasn't sure. She said that they had to split whatever it was they were making at the time. Jillian said this was in the early 90s and she knew a lot of these hookers back then.
Howard asked what the second time was like for her. She said that it was not like Pretty Woman. She said sometimes it was gross pigs but other times it was regular guys. She said that she wasn't feeling anything at all at the time. She said she felt powerful in that position though. She said that she was doing all of this stuff and it wasn't like they were getting near her at all. Howard asked if she got wild at all. She said that she didn't have to do that. She said that she never had an orgasm with the guys she was with. She said that they weren't attractive to her.
Howard asked if she was able to get wet for the guys. She said she never was so she'd have to use lube. Howard said that this Prince came to her eventually. Jillian said the guy was the Prince of Brunei. She said she went to this audition for the guy and it was just an interview. She said she got the job and she was being invited to be a party guest to be the Prince of Brunei. She had never even heard of it at the time. Jillian said that they're worth like $40 billion because of the oil they have there. Howard asked if the Prince is worth that too. She said that it's like their money and the county's money. The guy was good looking too.
Jillian said that she went over there and she wasn't exactly a prostitute. She said that she was a guest of the party and she was there with other beautiful women. She said she was there for weeks and it took a while before the Prince found her. She said that they give you a gift of cash after your stay out there. She said that she was told that she'd stay there for weeks. Jillian ended up staying there for six months.
Jillian said she was sleeping and this guard came to her and told her to get into a car. She said she got scared and figured it may have been a bad idea to go there.
Jillian said the guy's name was Prince Jeffrey. She said she was brought to a big office building and to the Prince's office. There was a bedroom in the office and he had a chess set made of gold. She said that she wondered who was playing chess in a bedroom though. Howard asked if she knew his chess rating. Jillian said she didn't.
Jillian said she waited in the bedroom for four hours before someone came to get her. She said it was very cold in there too. Jillian said that all of the doors were locked and there were no bathrooms. She said when the guy did show up she was very grateful. She said that he just walked in and kissed her after saying that she looked cold. Howard said she could have said she wasn't going for it and just left. Jillian said the guy was fascinating to her. She said she had never seen anything like this and he owned a country so that was captivating. She said she didn't mind banging him. Howard asked if he was good in bed. Jillian said that he may have been a sex addict because he was having multiple women a day. She said that there wasn't much time to have sex.
Howard asked if they used condoms. She said they didn't and she's very lucky she got out of ]there with her health. She said she was scared for the woman she was writing the book for. She said that some of the girls were teenagers and they didn't have the option to go back home like she did.
Howard asked if the Prince was in love with her. She said that she was his second favorite for a while there. Jillian said she felt like Courtney Love in Buckingham Palace while she was over there. This other woman showed her how to act over there while she was there. Howard said it's a bunch of guys hiring a whore house. It's very strange.
Howard asked how she knew that the other woman was number 1. She said that it was all about the seating positions. She said they even had to bow to the guy. Howard asked if she was proud that she was number 2. She said she was fine with it.
Howard asked if the guy was good in bed. She said that he was an ass man so he liked to look at her ass while he was doing it. Howard said she must have spent a lot of time with the women over there. She said that was true. She said that he wasn't around that much.
Jillian said that the Western girls were in different houses than the other girls. She said that she also got money to spend shopping. Jillian said she would go out and spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on stuff. She said that she went to Singapore with a sack of cash in the plane. She said it was like a bag full of cash that you'd see in a movie.
Howard wondered why they used cash like that. Jillian said that the Prince was accused of embezzling later on and maybe that had something to do with the money.
Howard asked what she told her parents about this trip. She said she told them that she was shooting a movie. She said that she eventually told them that she was a personal assistant to the Prince of Brunei. She said her father knew what was going on.
Howard asked how the sex would go and if the guy would just have her get on all fours and then stick it in. She said it wasn't like that. She said that she didn't have to do anything unusual with him. She said he wasn't abusive or anything like that either. Howard asked if she got wet with him. She said that she kind of fell in love with him so it was like having a boyfriend. She said she knows more about love now and it wasn't really love back then.
Howard asked Jillian about how much she got when she left. She said she didn't know the exact amount they gave her but she had a couple hundred thousand in the bank by the time she was done after a year. Jillian said it was her choice to leave and then a while later she wanted to go back. She said she did go back but then she realized it really wasn't for her.
Howard asked Jillian if she left because the Prince asked her to go in and blow his brother. She said that's not why she left and it was part of their culture to give up a girl to their brother like that. She said that it was like an honor for that to happen over there. Jillian said the last straw was her heart sickness with herself. She said she was disgusted with him and her self by the end.
Howard gave Jillian a plug for her book ''Some Girls: My Life in a Harem'' and said that she ended up marrying Scott from Weezer. He's the bass player in the band. Howard said that's great that she scored a rock star.
Howard had Scott come in and spent a minute talking to him. Howard asked Scott how the band is doing. He said that it's great. Howard said the lead singer from the band went to Harvard and finished up there. Scott said he graduated already. He's back to the band and they're working hard right now recording some new songs.
Howard asked if he was freaked out marrying a girl who was a former hooker. Scott said it didn't bother him at all. He said he was a little nervous at first. He said he totally ignored her at first but that worked out for him.
Jillian said that Scott gets the same kind of stuff that Beth must get about Howard. She said people ask him all the time how he could be with her and they must ask Beth how she could be with Howard.
Howard said it's great that Jillian scored the guy from Weezer. She said it's great. She said that it's like a happy ending to her story. Howard asked how the book is doing. She said it's selling very well and it's on the best seller list.
Howard asked if Jillian stays in touch with the other women she was there with. She said she stays in touch with some of them. Howard asked if she fears any backlash from them over there. She said that she's not telling any secrets or anything so she doesn't think it'll be a problem.
Howard asked about being Jewish and if that was a problem at all. She said that it wasn't a problem. Jillian said that it never came up but she thinks that the Prince knew. Howard gave Jillian another plug and went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said that they're still looking for women who would like to win their father's a date for a game they're doing on the show.
Howard said he doesn't think that he could ever marry a chick who was a prostitute. He said that he could never get that out of his mind. Robin asked what he'd do if Beth revealed that to him. Howard said that's a pretty major leap. He said he liked Jillian but he could never marry a former hooker or a porn star.
Howard asked Robin if she could ever marry a guy who killed someone with a knife in a bar fight. Robin said she doesn't think that she'd ever meet that person. She said she apparently wouldn't marry a former porn star either.
Howard said some things must bother Robin. He said he'd have a hard time with that. Robin asked if he's like the King of England and the past does matter. Howard said it really does. Howard said he's lived with meager means and he'd never be able to do anything like that to make money. He said he's very moral that way.
Howard said he saw a story that Robert DeLeo from Stone Temple Pilots saying that he's afraid to go back on tour in fear of Scott Weiland relapsing. Gary said that Scott left the show one time saying he was fine but that day he got arrested. Howard said Artie always said he was off the stuff too and he just assumes that these guys are telling the truth.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howie Mandel is on America's Got Talent now. He wondered if Howie is making a mistake doing the show. Howard said he thinks it's good for Howie. He said he's been a top notch draw and it's probably a good vehicle for him. Howard said Howie seems to find some good TV gigs. He said that Deal or No Deal was an easy gig.
Howard said that he might have to tune into America's Got Talent now that Howie is on it. Howard said the problem with the show is that you don't see any of the winners anywhere after the show. He said that the show is going to lose its luster if that keeps happening.
Howard said American Idol is a mess lately. He said that they have to do something with that Crystal Bowersox and her teeth. He said they have to get her some teeth and she needs to brush her hair. Howard said there are a ton of singers in this country and so few have charisma. He said the two on Idol have no charisma at all. He said Donny Osmond is on the show and he jumped through hoops to entertain people when he was younger. Howard said these two kids are not exciting to watch at all.
Steve said that there is a petition to get George Takei on Saturday Night Live. They have over 600 people on the page already. There is also another page where people are pushing for Shuli to take Artie's chair. Howard said if he was looking to fill the chair he would fill it with Shuli. Howard said if he thought they needed another voice in there it would be Shuli. Steve said he thinks that Shuli would love to hear that. Fred said he thinks that it's an honor for Shuli and Sal is probably hanging himself right now.
Steve got in some plugs for Jackie's Joke Hunt show and also for Riley Martin's show tonight at Midnight. Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview after that. He did a quick rundown of the subjects they were going to try and cover today. He mentioned the audio clip problem from this morning and that led to Howard talking about how the tape is fine now that they fixed it. It wasn't an equipment problem, it was that file that was messed up.
Robin brought up a story about cell phones and the way people are always talking to themselves out on the street. Howard said it's really annoying. He said he saw a story on 60 Minutes about the guy who invented the cell phone. He said it was pretty interesting but he's not sure if he made money off of it. He said the guy is now going back to making a cell phone that's just a phone and nothing else. He said he thinks the guy has jumped the shark now.
Robin read the story about this study that was done to find out just how nuts it makes people when they hear people talking on their cell phones. Howard said he was at the pool in L.A. and this woman was yelling on the phone. He said it's like they want you to see how important they are.
Robin read about Lindsay Lohan being in court yesterday. Howard said she's looking really bad. Robin said she looks like a 40 year old woman now. Robin said she had to go straight to court because she's been missing her alcohol classes. Robin said the judge put an ankle bracelet on her and told her that she has to go to these classes. Robin had some audio of the judge going off on her.
Gary came in and said that Lindsay Lohan's movie shoot excuse was bullshit because she's not shooting a movie right now. Howard said she was just trying to get away with murder again. Howard said that girl had it made as a kid. He said Tom Sizemore is another one who is a major fuck up.
Robin read about how the Texas Rangers are filing for bankruptcy. Gary said that they apparently didn't run the team the right way. Howard said baseball is so god damn boring. Robin said she can't watch because it takes so long. Howard said they used to be on the local channels and now they're not so that didn't help. Gary said they still show some games on local channels on the weekends.
Robin said that the team still owes A-Rod like 25 million and he hasn't played for them since like 2002. Howard wondered what it would cost to buy the team. Gary and Jason said it would probably be like $175 million or so.
Robin read a story about how one of the Jonas brothers broke up with a girl and he had his father call the girl to do the breaking up. That led to Howard doing an impression of his father breaking up with girls for him.
Robin read a story about Paul Grey, the bassist for Slipknot, being found dead in a hotel yesterday. Howard said that those guys wear masks so they could slip in another bass player and replace him. Richard came in and said he's known the guy since 1993 and they're not sure why he died. Richard said he just hung out with him last year at Madison Square Garden. He said they used to do gigs together. Robin said Paul was 38 and expecting his first child this year.
Richard talked about how he knew the guys in Slipknot and Howard asked why no one ever got Richard into a good band. Richard said he was in some good bands. Howard said the guy was a great drummer and he should be able to get into some great bands. Howard goofed on Richard about how he picked a genre of music that no one wants to hear. Howard said it's the hardest thing you can play and there's no music in it. Richard said that's like jazz players too. There's no money there either. Howard goofed on Richard for a couple of minutes. Richard said he was a drummer in the bands and didn't write any of the music so that's why he doesn't make any money off of that. He said that the new album he wrote so he's got publishing on that. Richard said Charred Walls of the Dammed is doing good and they sold like 2500 in the first week of sales. He said it's out all over the world now too. Richard said the record label is very happy with the way sales have gone. He said they even play their stuff on Liquid Metal there at SIRIUS. Howard kicked Richard out a short time later.
Robin read a story about Brittany Murphy's husband, Simon Monjack, dying this weekend. Brittany's mother found him dead and had also found her daughter dead just 5 months ago. Robin said that Simon was found to have a hole in his heart so he may have died of a heart attack.
Robin read some news about BP and how they're handling the oil leak in the gulf. Robin said tomorrow they plan to pump thick liquid into the leak and then seal it with cement. She said that once they get the leak stopped they'll embark on the clean up.
Robin read a story about a Mosque that may be built near Ground Zero there in New York City. Howard said that is hard to take. He said he knows that the religion isn't the problem but these terrorists are doing it in the name of that religion so it doesn't make it easy to take.
Robin read a story about sunscreens and how they're saying the sunscreen itself can cause cancer. Howard said he just stays under an umbrella. Howard said he doesn't need a tan. It's not like it's going to make him look any better.
Robin read a story about how they're trying to figure out where the 2014 Super Bowl may be held. Robin said they are talking about having it in New York.
Robin read a story about a nurse who encouraged people to commit suicide and tape it for his entertainment is going to court today. Robin said the guy would pose as a nurse in suicide forums. He actually got some people to do it in front of him for his entertainment. Howard wondered who would be entertained by that. Robin said the guy would enter in a phony suicide act with the people.
Robin said that people are complaining about Facebook and their constant changing of the privacy policy. Howard said the people should just get off the site. Howard said that you can post anything on that site and it accepts it all. Robin said people are upset about the way they're using people's information and they're feeling betrayed. Howard said everyone should just go to Fubar.com (a sponsor).
Robin read a story about the immigration laws down in Arizona and had some audio of a woman talking about that. Howard said he saw that one law maker is going to start going after businesses that are hiring illegal's.
Robin read a story about Michelle Obama is going to be going out and talking to students this week. She had some audio of a guy talking about that.
Robin read some news about American Idol which led to Howard going off on the two finalists they have on there now. He said they both lack charisma. Robin had some audio of the finalists talking about the show.
Robin read about Bret Michaels going out on tour. Howard said the guy is nuts. He said he had a near death experience and now he's going to go out and do that? He said the guy isn't motivated, he's a lunatic.
Robin read a story about the Dancing with the Stars finale coming up soon. Robin had some audio clips from that as well. Howard went off on some of the contestants on that show.
Robin read a story about some people who stole money from a Cheesecake Factory restaurant by stealing credit card information. They skimmed card numbers and bought gift cards using the numbers.
Robin read that U2 has postponed their tour after Bono had emergency back surgery. Jon Hein came in and told Howard that the finale of Dancing with the Stars is on tonight. Howard thought it wasn't the finale since they were dancing. Jon said it is the finale though. Howard ended the show after that. It was about 10:45am.
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Jon said he wanted to start off talking about Robin's charity and how people are scared to not be involved. Gary said that he isn't scared. He said that Robin has helped with his charity so he's going to help her too. Gary said she asked him to be at a table and he agreed to do it. He said Sal and Richard said it was put to them differently.
Gary said Jason had a theory about it being no different than Letterman hitting on interns in his office. Benjy said he was asked to be part of the show. Benjy said it sounds like an easy, fun thing to him. He said it's like being invited to a party.
Jon asked Richard if he was told or asked to do the event. Richard said it was put in a weird way and it was like she was ''telling'' them to do it. She said that Robin said that she wanted to have them at a table at her event and gave them the date. He said they looked at each other and wondered if they were just told to show up.
Sal said that Robin made it clear that it was going to happen. Sal said she put them on the spot because she had that assistant with her. Gary asked why he's afraid to say no. Sal said he's not afraid. He said he has a tough time communicating with women and he doesn't need any animosity there. Sal said he didn't want to say no either. He said he would feel bad saying it. Sal said he'd rather have the choice though.
Richard said it is tough to be there on a Wednesday night because they have to be to work the next morning. Richard said that when you go to a comedy show you want to get blasted and shit faced. Richard said that he doesn't usually get drunk but he's doing this for charity.
Jon asked Sal if he feels he has to perform at the show. Sal said no but Richard said yes. Richard said they want people to have fun there. Sal said that this is going to be Robin's fund raising event so they're going to do their best.
Jason came in and explained what he was saying about this event. Jason said that Robin is like David Letterman and like the boss there so it's implied pressure there to do something. Jason said Robin is like David Letterman with Sal and Richard and they have to do this event. She said that Robin is treating them like molested interns.
Richard said that Sal was talking about that after Robin asked them to do it. He said they had to do it to be team players. Sal said that Jason is right but it's just the manner it all came about. Sal said Robin told them that they were going to do it and they just said okay to her.
Richard said JD came in and died laughing at them when this all went down. Richard said JD knew that they were just told and not asked. Richard said he was nervous when she came in and asked if they wanted to come to her event. Sal said Richard was stumbling around and saying that Robin did nice things for him so he had to go.
Richard said he had to forget about the mean things she's done and remember the nice things. Sal said this whole thing is rough. He said that they love Robin and they're looking forward to the whole thing but they were just told they're doing it.
Gary asked Sal how often he's been called into a room and not known what he's there for. Sal said that's happened a couple of times. He said that happened in school and things like that. He said he fears something negative is going to happen whenever a door is closed.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Sal and Richard shouldn't be made to do this stuff because it's inappropriate to do that to subordinates. Jon said that Benjy explained that it was different than the way Sal and Richard were approached.
The guys said that Robin is more like a co-worker there. Some of the guys said she's not really a co-workers and she's higher up than they are.
Jon asked Jason if he was asked to do this event. Jason wasn't asked. Gary said his charity does like one or two fundraisers a year and Robin is doing 3 in like 8 weeks. The guys talked about the charities they get involved with and Sal is involved in quite a few.
Jon asked JD if he heard what went on with Sal and Richard and if they were telling the truth. JD said that Robin was telling them without telling them. She said that she said they could be table hosts and Sal was like ''Yeah sure!'' and all excited about it.
Sal said that Lisa G wasn't invited to cover the event and she was all down about it. That led to them talking about how ballsy she was telling Robin the tickets were too expensive for the charity event. Jason said this is a woman who claims to give money from her cookie sales to charity. He said they're both nuts.
Jon invited Lisa and/or Robin to come in and talk to them about this if they wanted to. JD said he figured Robin would ask him to be a coat check guy or something at the event. Richard said he can sit at their table if he wants to. Jon asked if Gary thinks that Richard and Sal are going to be uninvited after Robin hears this. Gary said he thinks that they're just going to be who they are there so that's what the attraction is so they're going to be there.
Jason said that Lisa wants to be Billy Bush and do the entertainment reporting but she's just part of Howard 100 News. Steve said it's not possible to do both. Steve said he felt there was some weirdness about him going out to L.A. instead of her. Steve said he had some other stuff to cover out there and the Celebrity Superfan Roundtable thing was the last priority for him. Steve said that when George Takei was out there last he suggested doing a documentary about George's childhood. That's what he was pushing for weeks ago. He said the idea to go to Andy Dick's place also came up. He doesn't know why Lisa thinks he was trying to take her spot at the Superfan thing. Jim McClure said that Eric the Midget's high school reunion is what started the whole L.A. thing.
Jon said he just got word that Robin won't be coming in. Steve mentioned that she just ran into Jim Florentine out in the hall and she was out there hugging him. The guys wondered if he'll have a table at the charity event.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Robin could be doing these charity things behind the scenes and not making people come see her get awards and stuff like that. Jon asked if he thinks that she wants to help people out. He said that is a motive but no one else is asking them to go see them being honored. Gary said he knows how that works and it's to get them to bring other friends with money so they can raise some money. Gary said Robin getting that award was actually something nice she did for the charity.
Jason said Robin likes the gala and she's in her element when she's at those things. Jon said there's nothing wrong with that. The caller was still saying that what Robin is doing is wrong. He said it's inappropriate if you ask him.
Jason said he thinks that Robin should just pick one charity and stick with it. He said it dilutes the whole thing when she has so many. Jason said that she could just do the one and people would be happier to donate. Gary said he agrees with him on that.
Jon took a call from a woman who said Robin is getting to be an annoyance on the show. She said that she tunes in to hear Howard and not Robin talking about herself. The caller said she thinks that Robin has to be up in the 100s for the narcissist test too.
Gary said that there was a caller earlier who brought up Robin being in Playboy. Gary said that if she posed in the magazine for the 15 Foundation she could get a ton of money for her charity. Richard said that Playboy would ruin her chances of going main stream. Richard said he pitched an idea for her to do something where she told her urine and pubic hair to raise money. Jon asked Richard if he would bid on it. Richard said if he was a millionaire he would buy it in a second. Sal said they do sell locks of Elvis' hair. Sal said that he's seen it up for sale before.
A caller said that he thinks there's more to this whole thing than Howard is letting on because he's not busting her balls about this. Gary said that Howard did bust her balls about it today.
Jon said that Robin is getting killed on the calls and wondered what she could do differently. Gary said he thinks that if she didn't act so preachy about it maybe people could deal with it.
Sal said the worst is when Robin opens her news with a plug for her comedy event. Richard said he and Sal got pissed when Robin wanted to talk about her Tweets the other day when Howard started to play one of their calls. Sal said Richard called Robin the C-word when she did that. Richard said he didn't do that. He said it did seem funny that Robin was into her own thing.
A caller was saying that Jason seems to do this stuff just to get on the air. Jason complained about Robin's assistant coming in there the other day. He said at the end of the day he doesn't give a shit about what she does with the charity. Sal said that if there wasn't shit stirring on the show then it wouldn't be the show that it is. Jason said he doesn't stage anything on the show but Sal does.
Richard said he had a story about Robin and Jason from a couple of weeks ago. He said that Jason had to go out and get this poster signed and Jason interrupted a prank call they were doing to get it signed. He said that he was trying to do a prank call at the time. Jon had to go to break after that.
Jon asked what was going on with JD and Ronnie out in the hall. Ronnie came in and said he didn't do anything in the hall so he didn't have to go in the studio. JD said he was in there to defend Ronnie. JD said that it wasn't Ronnie's fault and it was probably him that Howard heard. Jon asked Ronnie why he gets blamed. Ronnie said Howard probably knows he's yelling something at him. Ronnie said he was talking to Brian Phelan and saying that it was a shtick thing and JD hear the conversation as Benjy was walking by. He said JD thought it was aimed at him but it was Benjy, not JD. That's when he had to yell at JD that it wasn't about him.
Ronnie said he doesn't care anymore. JD apologized anyway. Ronnie said he's going to stop talking to everyone when the show starts from now on. He said Howard is busting his balls lately and maybe he's not getting enough sleep. He said he seems to be waking up in bad moods a lot. Jon said Howard did go out to that movie premiere last night. Ronnie said he didn't stay out that late though. He said he was probably all worked up from that and that's why he wasn't able to sleep. Ronnie said he should have just stayed for the movie.
Jon asked Ronnie if he wanted to go to the movie. Ronnie said he didn't want to go. He did go to the last Sex and the City movie though. He said it was like him and 500 women there. Ronnie said he liked the show but wasn't a fanatic like Howard is.
Jon asked Ronnie if Howard likes going out to these events. Ronnie said he seems to like it more now than he did in the past. He used to try to sneak into everything but now he goes on the red carpet.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the bottom line with Robin is that she's doing the charity thing for good. He said that it's all for good and she's not doing anything wrong. Jon said that she's rubbing people the wrong way though so that's what they're talking about.
The caller asked if they would be open to Howard having someone fill in for him if he takes some time off. The guys said that Howard isn't going to have someone fill in. Ronnie said if he stays he'll stay and he won't take a year or 6 months off. He said if he's gone, he's gone.
The caller asked what they think Howard is really looking for. Jon said that they're as in the dark as everyone else is. He said that no one knows what Howard is going to decide. He said he hopes Howard comes back and everyone wants that.
Jon asked Ronnie if he thinks Howard will come back. Ronnie said that Howard does worry about what everyone is going to do and he thinks that Howard is worried about people like JD and what he's going to do after the show. He said he's not sure what will happen but Howard seems to like working there. He said he thinks Howard just wants more time off.
Ronnie said he thinks that Howard would like his summers off. Jon said that Ronnie isn't too worried because he'd still need that car.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jason and Sal are against Robin and that shows that she's doing wrong. His phone connection was bad so Ronnie said ''nice phone.'' The guy said ''that's it'' and fumbled with his phone as he hung up.
The guys talked about Richard and Sal going to Robin's charity event and how they're planning on getting drunk that night. Ronnie said he doesn't think it'll happen. He said that Richard would get so yelled at if he did something like that. Ronnie said that Richard won't even go near Rick's now because of the way things went down after the party they threw there. Ronnie doesn't think that Richard is going to do anything wrong at Robin's charity thing.
Jon took a call from a guy who busted Ronnie's balls and joked about his ''midget legs.'' Ronnie said the call was going okay until he got stupid.
Sal came in and asked Ronnie if he would do a trivia game with him. Ronnie said he's not smarter than anyone. He said ''I'm just me'' and told him to leave him alone if he didn't like it.
Jon asked Richard if he's going to behave at the charity event. Richard said he's not going to do anything stupid. He's going to have a few drinks and just have a good time. he's like Ronnie. He likes meeting guys and meeting girls. They had to wrap up and end the show after that.
Howard started the show talking about getting up early to watch the finale of Dancing with the Stars. He said it was a rip off show because the woman who won was a professional. Howard said she was good to look at though. He said her name was Nicole Scherzinger and she was very sexy. Howard said he hopes she's not fucking the dance instructor. Howard said he's glad his wife didn't do that show. He'd be afraid she'd be fucking the dance instructor.
Howard said he had to watch American Idol too. Howard said he had to watch both of those shows. Robin said neither one of them was on her mind. She was out doing other stuff and it never even crossed her mind. Robin said she's apparently just filling a hole in her soul according to some people.
Howard said the guys on the Wrap Up Show were really going off on her yesterday. Robin said that she looks at the people she works with as evil, horrible people. She wasn't even able to look at those guys after hearing that. She said they have such evil thoughts. She said they're not just putting on an act, they're horrible human beings.
Howard said Robin has a charity event coming up and this one is a comedy show. Howard asked who is going to be there. Robin said they have Dave Attell, Gilbert Gottfried, Paul Mooney and Darrell Hammond. She said that she heard that Richard was going to get drunk there and Sal is going to find a Guatemalan kid to bring with him. Howard said that's not exactly it.
Howard said he heard the clip and Sal and Richard will have a table there so someone asked Sal if he was going to make it special. Sal said no at first but then Richard said they were going to step it up and Sal changed his tune and went along with him.
Howard played the clip of Richard and Sal talking about how they were going to perform at the event. Howard pointed out how quickly Sal turned around when Richard said they were going to bring it up a notch. Robin said Sal could have broken his neck changing so quickly.
Howard said he thinks that was nice of them to up their game. Robin said she's not sure she wants them doing anything there. Howard said he doesn't know why she would invite them there at all. Robin said she doesn't want them barfing on anyone there. She said he's going to drink a lot and he'll probably wear a diaper and piss himself too.
Richard came in and said that he's going to get shit faced but it's for a good cause. He said he thinks he's helping Robin by telling people this ahead of time. He said that people will want to bid on their table when they hear that. Robin said she doesn't want Richard to come now. She said she doesn't want to be bothered. Richard said it's supposed to be fun. Robin said the comedy is supposed to be on stage.
Richard said he feels intimidated talking to Robin about this kind of stuff. He said he feels very nervous. Howard thanked him and let him go.
Howard said it's now questionable about them being at the event. Howard said it sounds like they want to be involved. Robin said there's a passive aggressive thing going on here.
Sal came in and said that if Richard doesn't go then he's not going. Robin said she doesn't want them there because they're giving mixed signals. Robin said she's not going to drag anyone into anything. Sal said they're just hyping it up for her. Howard said it sounds like they're trying to hype it up and they're just going to have a good time. Robin said she's seen them be charming and funny but she's not sure what they're really thinking.
Howard made the decision for Robin and said that Sal and Richard are out. Robin said she's very uncomfortable with this whole thing. The Wrap Up Show yesterday really threw her for a loop. Howard said they did it again on that show. Robin said that they wanted her to come down and defend herself on the show yesterday. She didn't want to go there and talk about what her motivations were for doing the charity event. Howard said he thought it would cause happiness but it's causing pain. Robin said that's what happens in this bizarro world.
Howard asked who got under her skin the most. Robin said it was Jason. Howard said that Jason and Will are a team like Sal and Richard are a team. Robin said that Jason can have his opinion and now she knows how people feel about her. Howard said it seems that there's some fear about her there. Robin said she's apparently a scary person.
Howard asked if Jason is out of Girls Night Out. Robin laughed and said that since GNO has been inactive he can stay in it. Robin said she doesn't want to bother him so she won't be asking him for anymore help.
Howard said there are a lot of changes coming down the pike. Robins said that Jason isn't on the outs, she's just not going to bother him. She said that some strange person came into the office and bothered him so she's not going to do that anymore.
Howard asked where Jon Hein and Gary stand. Robin said she's not going to bother anyone anymore. Gary said he doesn't want to be lumped in with the other guys. He said he didn't have a problem with Robin and what she's doing. Gary said he told the guys that Robin has done a lot to help him out. Robin said he can leave it alone now. Gary said he's not sure which of the charities is the main one for her. Robin said she doesn't want to have this discussion. She said she can lump Howard in on this one too. Howard said he's happy to be part of that group. Howard said there's a lot of activity going on around there. He said he's proud of her charity.
Howard said Stamos had some bad vibes from the show too. Robin said she understands that now. She said she's going to join his group now because they're all a bunch of vipers there. Howard said he's not a viper to Robin. Robin said she can see his point of view. Howard said he talked about having a good time with John Stamos but he's angry with him.
Jason came in and said that he's shocked. He said he didn't think he said anything off base yesterday. Howard said he wasn't one of the guys saying that she was trying to fill a void. Robin said that Jason was saying that she was trying to fill a void. Jason said that he said she said that. Robin said he put words into her mouth about that.
Robin explained to Jason that she's been doing charity for many years and there has been a different level of activity since the 15 Foundation started. She said that some other charities asked her to do things too so that's why it's been on the air. Robin said she doesn't want to have this conversation on the air. She sounded very angry and said she was done with Jason. Jason laughed and left.
Howard said he's sorry it's all come to this. He said there are a lot of good intentions there on Robin's part. Robin said she doesn't see it all around. Howard said he just said he sees it from her.
Howard said Robin is bummed out. Robin said she has to work with these people. Howard said this is what happens in the work place. Robin said it doesn't usually happen to her. She said she doesn't work with them. She said the Wrap Up Show exposes all of this stuff so it's nice to know who she's working with.
Howard said he was trying to get to the bottom of this to find out if there are real negative feelings there. He said some people might be on the Wrap Up Show trying to mix things up. He said he thinks that Jason works very hard with her behind the scenes. He said that he thinks that some people put their foot in their mouth trying to step on some toes.
Robin said she doesn't care what happens, she just knows the feeling she gets. Howard asked what they can do to repair this. Robin said there is nothing wrong with their relationships. Howard seemed to think there was a problem. Robin said that Jason is the same person before as he was today. Robin said that they had their conversation and it's enough already.
Howard said neither of the two finalists will have a career. He said they sound like they're out of touch with what is going on in music. He said that Simon seemed like he didn't even want to be there last night. He said Simon was just telling this Lee Dewyze that he was a nice guy and didn't evaluate his song. He said that Lee blew it and Simon didn't tell him that. Howard said the guy blew it, he choked, and Simon should have told him that.
Howard said Simon didn't bring his A-game with him last night and he should have been doing that to show that he's the whole show. Howard said the others like Ellen were a complete disaster. He said she loves everyone and she looks peculiar and she's terrible as a judge. Howard said that Kara told her a week ago that she looked like a man on the panel. Howard said he doesn't care about how she dresses but she looks peculiar because she's not comfortable.
Howard said Ellen wears a tie and a suit on the show. He said she obviously wants to be a man and she must pray to grow a penis overnight. Howard said that it's not so great having a penis.
Howard said he'd love to read an honest book by Ellen. He said he thinks that she'd prefer to be a man and have a sex change. He said she probably knows the sex change would be a disaster though. Howard said someone sent him a comic book about Ellen so he has to check that out too.
Howard said this girl Crystal isn't going to have a career either. He said she seems very angry and she's not likeable on TV. Howard said everything makes her nuts. He said she's almost in tears whenever anyone gets voted off the show. Howard said that's that the show is about. He said that's the show. Howard said that show can teach you a lot about people.
Howard said that show is finished without Simon. He said he could save it but he's not going to do anything like that.
Howard said he could be a judge and if he gets goose bumps from someone then he'd keep them. He said he'd call the show ''Chill Factor.'' Howard said he got goose bumps when Jewel came in there and sang. Howard said that he'd play her cover of ''Needle and the Damage Done'' but his engineer can't make that happen.
Gary said Scott had an explanation for that screw up yesterday. Gary said Scott told him that the Prophet system was reset and it went to a default setting and that screwed up the recording. Scott was in the studio and said that they have a guy there who is the guru for the system and that's what he told him. He said that it was a setting on Howard and Fred's system that made it sound the way it did. Scott was trying to explain but Howard just started laughing.
Scott said the system didn't like what it saw in the file he created and that's why it sounded the way it did. Scott said the song should sound fine today. Howard thanked Scott for that and said he loves him. He made fun of the explanation and kicked him out of there.
Fred did his impression of Scott explaining that stuff and pointing out that the only two computers that weren't updated were the two most important ones there.
Howard said he's an expert on this Idol show. He said he wanted to play some clips of the performances. JD said he didn't pull any clips yet but he could get them in the next hour or so. Howard told him to do that then.
Howard said the band on Idol is really bad. He said that they're worse than the band that played at Jimmy Kimmel's house. Howard said the leader of that band is taking over on Jay Leno's show. Howard said he's terrible. Howard said they sound awful. Howard said he hopes the Tonight Show dies.
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Howard said he was in bed last night thinking about Beth. He said that she's going to be in Pittsburgh doing her final book signing today. Howard said that she's been doing a lot of interviews and stuff and she's been having a good time doing it. Howard said she was on her way out yesterday to fly out to Pittsburgh. Howard said he has to accept that she's doing this. He said that the psychiatrist got a hold of him in the afternoon and Robin had him in the morning. Howard said the guy has to calm him down about everything. He said the more you go the more you realize how nutty you are.
Howard said a lot of people say that therapy isn't good for you. He said people think it makes you worse. Howard said he sees all of this stuff about himself but he's not fixing any of it. Robin said she thinks that he has worked on a lot and it has worked for him. Howard said he's probably a better father because of therapy. Howard said he's more appropriate.
Howard's phone was ringing so he ended up talking about how busy he is with that and the iPad and all of that. Howard said he's sticking with the Blackberry and not moving to the iPhone. He said he has to silence his phone. He forgot to turn it off earlier.
Howard said he was watching Dancing with the Stars and he saw his wife when he was fast forwarding through the commercials. He said she's going to be on that show ''True Beauty'' and they were doing promos for that.
Howard said he really doesn't like to be left when she goes away. Howard said today it's the book signing. Howard said this is it for the book tour though. He said she's happy and everyone else is happy.
Howard said he had to beat off last night to get to sleep. He said his psychiatrist told him he should do that. He said that he can't count on other people to help him sleep. Howard said the guy is very proper so he didn't say it in those words. Howard said he can't look at his wife as a sleeping pill.
Howard said last night he watched Idol and then got into bed. He said he has a Penthouse magazine at his apartment. He said there was a thing about Artie in the magazine. He said Artie's sister spoke to them and said Artie is only saying 5 words a day or something. Robin said she heard about that. Robin said that Stacey doesn't usually talk that way. Howard said it seemed kind of odd.
Howard said he debated on using that magazine to jerk off. He figured he didn't need it and just laid in bed and thought about things instead. He said he was pretty backed up since he didn't have sex with Beth before she left.
Howard said that he was thinking that maybe he shouldn't be doing that and he should be saving it up for his wife. Howard said his shrink was making it sound like it was okay to beat off though. Howard said he's not sure what he should be doing. He said he ended up beating off last night. He didn't use the magazine. He said he just turned off the TV and whacked off for like 3 seconds and ''boom'' he got the poison out. Howard said he got to sleep like a baby after that.
Howard said he thinks about Beth when he's jerking off. He said she doesn't believe him. Howard said she claims that she's never beat off since she got together with him. Howard said he's not sure if he should believe that or not. Robin said that's possible.
Howard asked Robin if she thinks she'll ever live with someone. Robin said she'd love to find someone compatible to live with. Howard said he thinks that she's pretty set in her ways. Robin said she had a friend stay over a couple of months ago and they had so much fun. Robin said the guy was there for like a week. Robin said that they're just buddies and it wasn't a sexual thing. She said that she loved having him there though.
Howard asked Robin if she's ever lived with a guy. Robin said she hasn't. She said when she was dating one guy it would drive her crazy. This friend, Scott, didn't drive her crazy at all. She said that it was great while he stayed there. Robin said it was just wonderful. Robin said that she had a great time hanging out with him. Howard asked why she's not in a relationship with him. Robin said he's gay.
Howard said it's too bad he can't get it up for her and give it to her once in a while. Robin laughed and said that they had a great time together. She said she'd get excited thinking that he'd be home when she got home.
Howard said that his agent said that he should start his own radio hall of fame and nominate himself and Mel Karmazin. Howard said that they'd be the first two inductees.
Howard said he has been nominated for this National Radio Hall of Fame before but he always loses. Robin said he should take himself out. Howard said he's going to get to that.
Howard read the letter he got from this guy and read the names of the other people he's up against in this category. He said that some guy by the name of Bob Brinker is in there. Howard said that they can't be serious about this. Howard said that he's had his own movie, books, his own cable channel, his own two channels on satellite radio and a billion other accomplishments. Howard said they also have Carl Cossell in the category. Howard said this guy Bruce Dumont came up with this ridiculous hall of fame himself. Howard said no one cares.
Howard said that this is insulting. Howard said if he won he would go to the awards, if they even had them, and he'd say he was insulted and there's no one to put him up against. Howard said that there is no one to even go up against. Howard said Bob Kingsley is the other guy he's up against. Howard said the guy does a countdown for a country music station. Howard said he didn't recognize most of the names on the list. He said that he saw two or three that he recognized. Howard said it's an embarrassing list. The whole thing is an embarrassment.
Howard said he wants to take his name off the ballot. Howard said the whole thing is an embarrassment. Howard said the building that the hall of fame was supposed to be in is all boarded up. Robin said it's probably in Bruce's basement.
Howard said it's a little late to be inducting him now. He said that he doesn't want to be in the hall of fame because it's so embarrassing. He has no desire to be in the hall of fame. It should be called the Howard Stern awards and he should come out and recognize people once in a while.
Howard said he'd love to see them bring Rush Limbaugh to satellite so they could see how little attention he'd get. Howard said he thinks that Imus once gave a speech for this hall of fame nonsense. Howard said this guy Bruce is a real nitwit. Howard said he doesn't want his award. He would prefer to be beaten by anyone on the list. He said he takes pride in that.
Howard said this whole thing sums up what radio is like. He said it's so filled with shitheads that they would have something dumb where he wouldn't even be acknowledged. Howard said he went to every toilet radio station and elevated them to number one. He said that no one else has been able to do that. Howard said he went to SIRIUS and they had only 600,000 subscribers. Now they've merged with XM and they have 19 million subscribers. Howard said he helped them do that. Howard said it's because of him. Howard said no one else in the history of radio can take credit for doing anything like that.
Howard said that Bruce and fuck off. He said that this medium will never be elevated. He said that on TV they respect accomplishments but not on radio. Howard said what he's done has never been done and it will never be done again.
Howard said he denounces this Radio Hall of Fame. He said that the only two people who should be in there are him and Mel. Howard said that's it, that's the end of it. Howard said it's all a joke. He said they're making it seem like they're doing him a favor but they're not.
Howard said he likes Wendy Williams but she had that Bruce Dumont on her show on the phone and she was crying. He said that he wanted to tell her to get a grip. It's just some dude doing this from his basement. Howard said he remembers her speech and how she cried while talking to him.
Howard said he should be the one telling people when they do good, not Bruce Dumont. Howard said that Robin can take this press release and file it in the garbage. Howard said this agent told him that the competition is really tough this year. He said that the stock will fall if he doesn't win. Howard said he thinks that Mel is in a hall of fame. He said that Mel is a good guy.
Howard asked Robin how long she's been in the business. She's been doing it for like 34 years and she's not even nominated. Howard said Fred should be in there too. He just sits back there staring at Benjy. Fred told Howard that Jewel was in the other day talking about how Howard had inspired all of these ''shock jock'' types out there. He said that shows how popular he really is because he inspired a whole genre of radio guys.
Howard said he doesn't want anyone voting for him. He said he'd be embarrassed to win the award. Howard said he'd rather see this Brinker guy win instead of him. He said the guy has been on NPR for 30 years so he should win instead of Howard Stern.
Howard said they tell you that you'll have some down years but after 15-20 years you should be doing fine. Howard said he said okay to that and now it's just a mess. Howard said he hasn't seen it work for him. Howard said that they have excuses about it all. Howard said the graph just goes down. He said that it hasn't been going up for his accounts.
Howard said he has a stockbroker working for him now who thought The Cold War was in Iceland. Howard said he should have called a mental institution invest for him instead. He said he thought he had something when he got the SIRIUS stock. Now all he owns is paper. He said that stock just took a dive. Howard said he doesn't know. He said Robin thinks she's aggravated but look at him. Howard said these guys are criminals.
Howard said Beth had some money she had saved up and he gave her that speech about investing. He said that she invested it and now it's worth nothing. Howard said Beth has lost a ton of money because of that. Howard said he tells her to hang in there. He said she's been in it for like 10 years and she hasn't made a penny. Howard said Beth is doing what they tell her to do and she's still losing. He said it's all bullshit.
Howard said he tells Beth to leave it in there long term and she's doing that but it just keeps going down. Howard said he looked at his graph and the line down was so long they had to hang it out the window to show it to him. He said it's all a joke and we're heading for a depression. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said it sounds good because they play Sandra Bullock thanking him for everything. Howard said whenever someone does that it usually means they're going to break up.
Lisa G said that Steve Grillo is working on a TV pilot based on his childhood. Howard said they're going to have Steve in soon. He said that Grillo wants to film the pilot at his home but he needs to raise money to do it. He said that he's asked Richard and Sal to help him out with a benefit. Howard said he was going to have Grillo on the show but now Lisa has already given out the whole thing. He said that it's kind of been done now. He told Gary to unbook Grillo. Howard said Lisa has scooped him.
Lisa said that Jerry Seinfeld has agreed to sponsor Colin Quinn's one man show. She said that Colin has told them that Howard would probably hate it because he hates smart comedy. Howard said he's been nothing but supportive of Colin's so he's not sure why he would say that. Howard said Colin must think he's an ignoramus.
Lisa said that Richard is going out on tour this July with his band Charred Walls of the Dammed. She said that they'll be doing shows for about 500 people at each event.
Howard asked Bobo why he writes down his questions. Bobo said he thinks of them during the day and he writes them down. Bobo said he has pages of questions for Howard. Howard said he got a note from the Howard TV guys who said that this is the first time they tried Skype. Howard said if that's the way it's going to go then he's not sure he's going to want to pick up on Bobo. Bobo has a whole room set up now for the TV thing. Howard said he can tell it's going to be very successful. He said he won't be annoyed at all by this.
Howard said he's going to put a kill on the Skype as of today. Bobo got another call so the sounds of Skype came through over the phone. Howard said that can't be right. Howard asked Doug if he was here. Scott DePace said it wasn't working so they're giving up. Howard said he's putting an end to it.
Robin said they do these Skype things on many shows and it works. Scott blamed Bobo for having his sound up. Howard asked Scott if this is something that he discovered in Vegas. Scott said he's known about Skype for along time and he proposed it like 4 years ago. Howard said they can't put Skype in Bobo's house and expect it to work.
Howard asked Bobo what his question was again. Bobo read his question and Howard said that he has had Beth come home after he's beat off. He said it's embarrassing too. Howard said he'd love to hear all of Bobo's questions. Bobo said he has tons.
Howard said Bobo probably has 50,000 Beth questions for him. Howard said he probably doesn't care what the answer is either.
Howard said that was a very annoying call. He said he can't stand that sound from Skype. Howard said it bombed out too so they had to call him back.
Howard said that the Howard TV guys had to call back even though he said it was annoying. Scott took the blame for that. Howard said 99 percent of the time these new things don't work.
Howard said he loves this Sarah ''Fergie'' Ferguson. He said he went out to dinner with her one time. He wasn't sure if he told Robin that story or not. Robin didn't think he had. Howard said he got a call from a politician who asked him to go to dinner once and Fergie was there. Howard said Fergie and her daughter showed up to the dinner.
Howard talked about how she's didn't look like a Duchess. He said that she's really not that hot. Howard said that he loves that she was taking a bribe from someone to meet with Prince Andrew. Howard said that she's now in the U.S. and she's staying in a great hotel there in New York and she's functioning just fine even with financial problems. Howard said he thinks that Prince Andrew might be allowing her to live in an estate somewhere so he can keep and eye on her.
Howard said he thinks that maybe she's got an Andy Dick thing going on and she's living in something like a shed. Gary said he read that she keeps spending money like she has it even though she doesn't. Gary said she wrote a book a few years ago and got some money out of that. Howard wondered who is loaning her the money. Gary said he bets that she's on the next Dancing with the Stars. Howard said she's already said she'd appear on it. He said she'd probably get booted off in 2 weeks.
Howard said there was some story about her having her feet sucked too. Howard said he had an idea to do a feet smelling thing with King of All Blacks but he's not sure he wants to do that. He said they were going to have him smell feet to figure out if they were men or women's feet.
Howard said Sal finds the weirdest stuff. He said that he found a mom and son porn video. It's a mom talking to the camera and you don't see the son. Howard said Sal knows where to find this creepy stuff so he must be looking for it on his own time.
Howard played that creepy porn clip where the mom is going off on the kid and telling him she likes to see his little pecker. She works on getting it hard and she's telling the kid that he's making her wet. Howard said he gets the clip now. He said guys just sit at home watching it and think of her as their mommy.
Sal came in and said that there's a web site out there that has everything. He said that he almost doesn't want to give it away because it's so great. He said that it's called TubeGalore.com. Sal said there are even worse ones with this woman and her son. He said the son is like 19 years old though so it's not a kid.
Sal told Howard about some of the other stuff he's seen on that site and how weird it is. He said he saw one clip of a woman banging a deformed, black, midget and he got off on that. Sal said that this woman was sucking the guy off and crying as she did it and he got off.
Howard said it's too bad Sal and Richard aren't going to Robin's charity event. He said that people would love hearing these stories. Robin didn't say a word.
Gary said he heard from one of the guys that Sal loves the old lady porn. Sal said he does like some of that but some of the women are really old and their snappers are so red it looks like open heart surgery. Sal said he likes pee porn too. Howard said he used to get turned on by Blue Iris too. Sal said he used to get on the phone with her out on the road and it was pretty cool.
Howard said Sal beat off to his aunt taking a shit one time too. He said Sal has been doing this for years but he did it long before he ever did it for them.
The first phrase was ''Patience is a _____.'' Rich said Gary will not know it. Gary said ''Patience is in the hospital.''
The second phrase was ''It takes a licking and keeps on _____.'' Rich knew it was ''ticking'' and said that Gary will not know it. Gary said ''keeps on ticking.'' He got it right. Howard said he knew he'd get that one.
The third phrase was ''Never judge a book by its _____.'' Rich said that he would like Fred to help him out. Fred said there was no way he would know it. Rich agreed. Gary said ''by the pages.'' Rich won $711 from 7-Eleven.
Rich said that he would like to come to Robin's charity and he will bring his A-game. Howard put him on hold and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Foo Fighters song was one of the best songs ever. Howard let it play for a little longer. He said he loves it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he would go on Dancing with the Stars. Howard said he would never go on that show. He said the show is fixed with the pros that dance. He said he's also lacking in coordination and it's also a desperate move to go on that show. Howard said anyone on there is desperate. He said it's an act of desperation to revive a career. Howard said that one of the guys, Mario Lopez, revived his career by doing that show.
Howard said he understands why some of these football players go on. He said that some guys are screaming out for attention because you rarely see them under helmets. Howard said that Ochocinco guy is really screaming out for attention by changing his name. Howard said that guy made a joke out of his own name. He said it shows a lot of sadness doing that.
Howard said Pam Anderson was on Dancing with the Stars and she must have some money. Howard said that he'd love to talk to her about what's going on with her money. Howard said she's known worldwide and he's not sure how she makes money. Howard said there are many people like that and he'd love to know how they do it. Howard said he panics for a week if he doesn't see a paycheck.
Howard said Lisa Rinna got a career going after doing that show. Howard said she got something out of it but you have to be at a strange point in your career to go on that show.
Howard said Erin Andrews was in tears on the show. He said that everyone who was crying was upset that the cameras were going away. He said that this Erin Andrews is going to be back at ESPN staring at the wall soon and the fact that the dance instructor is banging her is making him sick. He said that the dance instructors are a bunch of vomits. He said they should just stand there and let the celebrities be the stars.
The caller asked Howard about Erin's yelp after her dance like she saved the world or something. Howard said that the whole show is fixed. Howard said that this girl who won was better than the professionals on the show. He said she's a pro too. Robin said that some people come out and dance and it blows you away and she was one who did that. Robin said that girl learns the routine and she can interpret and set the scene for the dance.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Howard would go on that show in a heartbeat so he could meet girls if something happened to Beth. Howard said he can meet girls without that show. Howard said he met a girl out shopping for furniture when he was dating. Howard said if Bob Saget can get the Playmate of the year then he should be able to get the Playmate of the universe.
Howard played more of the clip and Fred threw in some of Howard's mom's audio clips. Howard said Sal said he got hard during this one, right. Robin said he said he had to think of them as just actors and not mom and son. Howard played more of it and the mom was telling her son how big his cock and balls were. She told him not to cum inside of her over and over. Then he came inside of her and she just says ''Oh no!''
Fred threw in some Gary the Retard clips while they were listening to that mommy porn. Sal came in and said that she ends up squeezing out the cum from her pussy. Sal said they call that a cream pie when they do that. Howard said Sal had a big hard on right now and he was barely able to walk.
Howard said he had the Jesse James interview clips to play too. He said Jesse should go on Dancing with the Stars. He said he'd watch that.
Howard said he had something else shocking for Robin. He said he had an article from the Enquirer. He read that Daniel Craig allegedly shared a kiss with a guy in a gay bar parking lot. Howard said they're thinking that he may be bi-sexual. Robin believed that could be possible. Howard read the article and they claim that Daniel and his friend were dancing and this guy told the Enquirer that it was definitely him and it was a real kiss. Howard said this is shocking to him. The guy who told the story took a lie detector test and they found that he was being truthful. Howard said this was shocking to him and his gaydar must be bad. He said he thought Mario Cantone was straight.
Howard said that he had a tough time growing up. Robin asked Howard if his father knew how bad things were when he was living in Roosevelt. Howard said he didn't want to talk about that. He said Robin doesn't want to talk about her situation so he's not going to talk about that. Then he talked about how his dad never had the conversation with him about that stuff. Howard said he as just a piece of smegma to everyone so why would anyone want to talk to him. Robin told him to stop it.
Howard said Sal and Richard went out on the street and asked women if they thought Howard Stern was good looking. Howard said Sal and Richard must be after him too. Howard played the audio of the interviews Sal and Richard did and every woman said ''no'' to them. They were commenting on his hair so Howard stopped it and said that's the one good thing he has. Howard played more of the clips and every woman said no, no, no.
Howard said Sal and Richard did an F, Marry, Kill with him, John Stamos and Howard. One woman said she would do Howard but she'd have to put a bag over his face.
Howard said Sal and Richard showed the women pictures of him and every woman was disgusted and described him as a monster. Howard said it turns out they took a picture of a retarded guy from the internet and used that. Howard played the audio of that and the women were shocked. They said he looked like a monster. They said he had major problems.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he needs to stand up straight and he'd look better. Howard said he's exhausted so that's why he does that. Robin said she thinks that he does it to look shorter. Howard said he's like a god damn giraffe. Howard said he towers over everyone.
Another caller said that the mother porn was making her sick. She asked him not to play anymore of them. Another caller asked about some actor or something but Howard and Robin had no idea who or what he was talking about. The caller said it's a guy named Banshee and he's got a movie out. He's a graffiti artist. Howard said he knows nothing about him.
Howard said that every graffiti artist should be locked up in jail. He said the shit looks ugly. He said they paint their own name and it's just ugly. He said they have talent but they're wasting it with this graffiti. Howard said he wishes the guy would go away.
The caller said that Howard told him he should go into advertising months ago. Howard said that he had no idea about that either. Robin remembered who he was. Howard said that he has no problem with the guy if he's painting on canvas. The caller said that's what he does. Howard got sick of the guy and hung up on him. He said he sounded like he had marbles in his mouth. His name was Vortman.
Howard told Gary he has to check before he leaves. Robin didn't want to look but Howard told her she has to see it. Howard said Gary took a nice big dump in the morning in there. Fred played a bunch of Baba Booey song parodies and audio drops.
Howard said there was a speck of shit in that toilet too. Gary said he's not taking credit for everything. Sal was in the bathroom with toilet paper around his head. Howard said they're saying it smells like a dead animal back there now. Gary said that's what happens in a bathroom.
Howard said Gary walks around with a newspaper before he goes so everyone knows what he's about to do. Gary said he's not the only one. He said he can't go without some reading material. Howard said Gary should hold it in all day. Howard said Sal was back there with a newspaper now. He said he's doing his own TV show back there and it's funny. They had to go to break after that.
Howard said he's told this story about replacing Joan Rivers and how FOX came to him about that in a secret meeting. Howard said he can't do the lame monologue thing and read from a teleprompter. Howard said the guests usually end up begin shit heads with nothing to say. He said it's enough, who needs it. Howard said he likes what he does there at SIRIUS.
Howard said if he was in Letterman's position he'd do the same thing with the staff. He said he'd want to fuck everyone starting with Robin.
Howard said he'd rather do what Larry King does or just talk off the top of his head. He doesn't want to write lame jokes like they do on late night shows. Howard said they do the lame bits. He said each one is worse than the last. Howard said all of those shows went off the air because they would have had to have been real. They don't know how to do that so they all bailed out on everyone. Howard said they could have said something from the heart but they're all cookie cutter. Howard said Jimmy didn't want to wear a tie on his show but now he's wearing a tie. Howard said Jimmy had a lot of good ideas but they fucked with him and made him do that shit.
Howard said Jimmy has to clear his material even when he does the Up Fronts stuff. Howard said everyone is offended by everything. He said you can't say anything anymore.
Howard said he likes what he can do there on radio. He doesn't need that TV crap. Howard said he thought about taking over for Joan for about one day. Then he thought about the reality of it and turned it down. Howard said they're lucky they have anything going on there on radio because radio is so bad these days.
Howard wondered why Jesse is doing this interview. He said he must be being bothered by people all day long. Howard said the explanation is this. Sometimes you're so dumb you don't know how good you've got it. He said if guys are getting laid they think they're getting loved. Howard said guys start to think that if a woman will fuck them they think it's more important than anything. Howard said guys forget that they have it so good. He said Jesse must be wondering what the fuck he was doing now.
Howard said maybe Sandra isn't the greatest in bed. This is all speculation on his part but he thinks that maybe Jesse was looking for something more. Howard said there's more to it than sex though. He said that Sandra would go off for four months and Jesse would go nuts thinking it was a betrayal or something.
Howard played more of the clip and they played another one of Sandra's speeches about Jesse. Howard said she must hate that because she was so fond of Jesse. Howard said that if he got up and made a speech about Beth he'd do the same thing. He said that Sandra was all about making Jesse part of her life that it showed she must have been insecure about their relationship.
Howard said he wouldn't devote a whole speech to his family but he would give them a nod. He gets doing that but not the way Sandra was pointing and crying over Jesse. He thinks that she was basically asking him not to cheat on her and telling him not to fuck that up.
Howard played more of the interview and Jesse was talking about how he hurt Sandra and she was the last person he wanted to hurt. He said that he's still in love with her. Jesse said he knew he'd get caught and he was almost hoping he would get caught. He said he sabotages his life. Jesse said that everything in the marriage was as he said it was.
Howard said it would have been great if he was brutally honest and went off on her about having cellulite and stuff like that. Robin said she doesn't get why he did this interview. She said he should go back to obscurity and go back to making bikes.
Howard played more clips and Jesse was talking about how he's being asked by the press how many women he's been with in front of his 6 year old kid. He said he can't fix this on his own and he needed help. That's when he went to a rehab center in Arizona. Jesse was asked what he went for. Jesse said he was there for being a victim of childhood abuse. Jesse claims that his father was abusive and he was afraid of his father. Howard said that's what being a kid is about. Jesse said he got his ass beat a couple of times.
Howard said he wasn't allowed to have novocaine. Robin said that lots of kids are abused but they don't cheat. She said she's not buying all of this.
Howard had another clip where Jesse was talking about his father chasing him in the dark and he fell and broke his arm. Howard said Robin's dad did horrible things to her and she's not cheating. Jesse was talking about how petrified he was of his dad. Jesse said it was the fear in between getting punched and kicked that was hard. Jesse broke down saying it was hard for him to talk about. Then he started to cry. He was talking about how his kid is the age he was when his dad broke his arm.
Howard laughed and said that Jesse is going for it and he'd be doing the same thing if he was in that situation. Howard said that he'd be crying and saying his dad beat him too. Jesse asked to take a break for a second during that crying thing. Then the reporter says that his father denies that he abused Jesse.
Howard said there were days when Jesse would laugh at a Jimmy Kimmel party but now he'd die to get into that. Howard said Jesse's life is falling apart. Howard said even OJ wouldn't talk to Jesse after all of this. Howard said Jesse probably wouldn't be able to get a meeting with Bernie Madoff.
Howard played a clip where Jesse talked about the Nazi salute picture. Jesse said it was a joke. Howard said there's nothing funnier than that. He played more of the clip where they asked Jesse about being a racist. Jesse said that's not true. Jesse said it was just a joke. He said being called a racist on top of everything else makes him really sad. He said there isn't a racist bone in his body. He said people judge a book by its cover and that's what they do with him.
Howard said Jesse is really taking a beating. He said he judges a book by the cover. That led to him talking about how he bought a book on his iPad last night and it was a book about how to use his iPad. Howard said it was only 99 cents so it wasn't that much. The reviews were horrible but he didn't care and bought it anyway.
Howard said he had a clip of Jesse talking about adopting this kid Louie that Sandra has now. Howard asked if he's the kid's father or not. Robin said she thinks that the kid just has a mother. In the clip Jesse said they found out around Christmas that they were getting the kid. He said they got him not long after that.
Scott the Engineer came in to check out the smell. Howard said he loves when he looks around like that. Scott said he thinks it might be a light. Howard and Fred did their impressions of Scott and goofed on him as he looked around. Scott had no idea what was wrong. Howard told him to put a canary in there. He has a feeling that he'll be dead in a minute.
Howard said the smell was really bad. He said that Scott wasn't helping. He was sniffing the TV screen in there. Howard said he's acting like a canine. Howard and Fred continued to goof on Scott about that for a few minutes. They were making fun of his bald head and how he was sniffing the TV that was working just fine.
Howard said he's not sure if he cares about this Jesse James stuff anymore. Howard played more of the interview anyway. Jesse was talking about how he didn't care what color the kid was. Jesse said he just wanted a baby that needed them the most. Howard said that's bullshit. He said that you do care what color the kid is.
Howard said he had just one other clip to play. Jesse was talking about how he's spending more time with his kids now and cutting back on the time he spends at work. Jesse is hoping to keep a relationship with Sandy but he knows that the divorce is going to go through. Jesse is hoping that everyone can forgive him for what he did.
Howard said he wishes that Jesse would come back and do the show again. He said he has a lot to talk to him about now.
Howard read an email from a guy who asked if Robin's nips get hard like erasers when she gets aroused. Robin said she'll answer that when the Super Bowl comes to New York. That would be in 2014. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard had Jeff on the phone and let Jeff go off on the guy. Jeff said he hasn't asked for money from the show in over 6 months. The caller said that Jeff always asks for money from Artie and the show. He said now he's fighting over his trailer that his mother left to the family. Jeff said he'd like to see him in his spot. The caller said he would never be there because he doesn't like that lifestyle. Howard let Vince and Jeff go a short time later. He said that was fun.
Howard got in a plug for Beth's book signing tonight in Pittsburgh. He said that she's very nervous about this one for some reason.
Howard said the guys took Gilbert Gottfried singing in Yiddish and put it through Autotune. Howard played some of that quickly and said that was comedy.
Steve Langford came in with his news preview. Steve said that Lisa G is one step closer to being in the Dixie Chicks for a night. Natalie is working on getting Lisa into the show for one night when they're in town. Howard said he doesn't think it will happen. Fred agrees and he thinks that Lisa is going to blow it.
Steve said they have some news about Gary hosting the Audi awards last night and he was doing a good job with it.
Steve said they also have a story about a fan who shared a picture of Jon Hein in make up while he worked with a theater group. Ronnie the Limo Driver thought he looked pretty good.
Howard asked what the Audi awards were. Steve said it was an audio book awards show that Gary was hosting. Steve said Gary was terrific. Howard did an impression of Gary as the host. Gary told Howard he did well last night. He told Howard what some of the nominees were. Howard asked if he sang an opening song. Gary joked that he had but said he was joking. Howard did an opening song in his Gary voice. Howard said that has to be a fucked up awards show when Baba Booey is hosting. Steve said there were a couple hundred people there at least. Howard said Gary was hosting last night and leaving toilet paper in the bathroom this morning.
Steve said that Eric the Midget has a new blog up on his Myspace page where he lists the top 102 women that he'd like to bang.
Howard said that Joey Boots got through with two Baba Booeys on two news reports yesterday. He said he was on Good Morning America first. Howard played the audio of that. He got out a couple of Baba Booeys and a ''Howard Stern's Penis'' too. Howard said Joey got on another one and he's not sure how he does it. He got on MSNBC too. Howard played the audio of that one too. Joey yelled out a quick Baba Booey as they were out on the street doing a preview of what they had coming up.
Howard said that makes him so proud. He said that they were wondering what Joey Boots was doing with his life. He said he had faith in him all along.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon went through the stuff they were going to be going over today on the show. They're going to go over Robin's stuff again today so Howard told Jon he may want to avoid that subject.
Howard said that they're saying that the smell in the studio might be coming from upstairs where something might be burning.
Steve Brandano came in with his Intern Show preview next. Tonight is the last show of the semester. He said this is the one show that everyone should tune into if they don't tune into any other.
Howard said there's nothing like being in a windowless room with freon pouring into it. He said he's not neurotic enough. Now he's going to be walking around thinking about this smell all day thinking it's making him sick.
Robin said VH1 has a new show about OCD. Howard said he won't watch that or that show Monk which was about a guy who had OCD.
Howard read a story about Valerie Bertinelli marrying a guy who used to beat his wife. Howard said he knew that Eddie Van Halen wasn't going to work out and this one definitely won't. Howard read about the guy that Valerie is marrying and he's a convicted wife beater. Howard said that was a good article. He said that Valerie isn't listening to anyone about the guy. She's going through with the marriage.
Howard read about Meg Ryan and how skinny she's gotten lately. Howard said people are wondering if something is wrong with her. Howard said what's wrong is that she isn't America's sweetheart anymore. Howard said you lose tons of weight and everything is fine. He said you beg for the public's forgiveness forgetting older and everything is fine.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she heard the story about the bus driver woman getting spit on. She told a story about how she rode in the back of the bus one time and she turned around to speak to her friend and someone spit right into her face and it went into her mouth and down her throat. She said she was embarrassed and didn't want to tell her parents. She said she never even told the story to them but it was awful. She said she was able to go on with her life though.
Howard said that the politicians are afraid of the unions and they will give in to anything. He said that's how this woman got to take off months for getting spit on while driving the bus. Howard said he blames the politicians for this kind of nonsense. He said they just want to look the other way.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about a truck driver who hit a disabled car while he was looking at porn on his laptop computer while driving. Howard said that people should get life for texting or doing that while driving. Robin said that Oprah is having everyone take a pledge not to text while driving. Howard said you have to be nuts to text while driving. Robin read more of the story about how this truck driver killed the woman while watching porn and driving.
Robin read that Tila Tequila is going to be on Celebrity Rehab 4. Howard said you know that something is up when your name is ''Tequila.'' Robin said that VH1 is willing to give her a spin off show if she stays sober. Robin read some quotes about her running her ''empires'' at such a young age. Howard wondered what those empires were. He said she doesn't have any empires.
Robin read about the Super Bowl being held at the Meadowlands in New Jersey in 2014. Howard asked Robin if she thinks that they'll still be there working for SIRIUS in 2014. Robin said she doesn't think about it. She's not sure. Howard figured he'd be there in New York. He has to hold down the fort. Robin had some audio of some people talking about the Super Bowl and how it's the first one in a cold climate in quite a while.
Howard wondered why they don't have an indoor stadium there in New York. Gary said he was surprised they didn't put a dome on this new stadium.
Howard read an email where a guy complained about Howard TV not showing the Wrap Up Show anymore. They show clips in the Bonus Show but not on its own. Howard said they should do both. DePace said he'd talk to Doug about that.
Howard said he had an email about Jillian puking at Jimmy's party and she claims that the drug that Jillian took shouldn't have made her sick. Howard said he doesn't know about that. He said he got a lot of nice feedback about the Don Rickles call and the Jewel performance too. He read through some of that quickly.
Robin read some news about the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Howard said his blood is boiling over that mess down there. He said he gets angry thinking about that and how they could be handling the oil. Robin said they say those oil rigs are more dangerous than coal mines. Robin read that the people doing the clean up are getting sick from the oil and the chemical dispersants. Robin said that they hired mostly fisherman who were hurt by the mess down there.
Howard took a call from a guy who wasn't making any sense to Howard. Howard asked Robin what his point was. Robin said she thinks that he was trying to say that Sandra was in charge of her relationship and Jesse was shut down so that's why he had to cheat. Howard asked the caller if that's what he was trying to say. The caller said that it was. Howard said that when you're married the woman isn't just there to service your needs. Howard said if you get married expecting that she's going to spread her legs every time you ask for it, you'll be in divorce court pretty quick. Howard said it doesn't work that way. Howard said he has never been too tired or anything to not want sex. He said he can't remember ever not wanting to do it. Robin said Beth told a story about Howard turning her down when he was playing chess one time. Howard said he was waiting for her.
Robin read a story about a teacher who let her students dress up like KKK members for a movie they were making for class. She says that they meant no harm by doing that. They were doing a Klan reenactment.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that the way things work down south is when a wife says no to a husband, that's like saying yes, go out and get some. Howard said that he has to be kidding. Howard asked how long he's been divorced. The caller claims that he's married. Howard figured the guy was putting him on when he said that the words in the wedding said ''love and OBEY'' so the wife is supposed to obey. Howard hung up on the guy.
Ralph called in and said that it's funny how many people dress up in Nazi and KKK outfits and think its a joke. Howard said that it was serious business for people who grew up in those days. Howard said that people had to give up their lives to fight the Nazis.
Robin read about the woman whose monkey ripped off her friends face has died. Robin said the woman was 72 years old. Howard said she must have felt a lot of guilt over that whole thing. Robin said that they're still looking to do a face transplant on the woman whose face was ripped off. Howard said he's been lonely in his life but he'd never make a monkey his girlfriend. He said that's what the woman did with that chimp. Robin and Howard spent a couple of minutes going over that story and talking about how they say that you shouldn't live with monkeys.
Robin read a story about the investigation that's going on about Toyota unintended acceleration. They think that there may be as many as 89 deaths attributed to that.
Robin said that Tiger Woods is looking for a new place to live. She told Howard about the house he's looking to buy. They talked about that for a short time.
Robin read a story about the bassist from Slipknot that passed away. They haven't figured out what killed him yet but they did figure out that he had been dead for a couple of hours before he was found. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Bon Jovi playing at the new Meadowlands stadium tonight. Robin read about the new stadium and how they're set up for the big concerts. Howard said that Jon Bon Jovi is always on the road so he must be worth a ton.
Robin read a story about how they're looking to regulate salt in food. She said that they say limiting the salt intake can lower blood pressure. Howard said this is what Robin has been screaming about for years. That led to them talking about Robin's food bill of rights that she wants to work on. Robin has been looking up the definition of what ''food'' is and it has to have some nutritional value to be considered ''food.''
Robin read about last night's Dancing with the Stars finale. She had some clips from the show that she had Howard play. Howard talked about how hot that Nicole chick was. Howard said he wants to see Robin on that show next year. Robin said that's not going to happen. Howard said Robin doesn't want to be in those outfits.
Robin said that Kevin Eubanks' final day on the Tonight Show is the 28th. Howard said he's sick of seeing him sucking Jay's balls. Robin said his last day is on Friday. Howard wondered what he's going to go do now. He said no one had heard of him before he was on The Tonight Show.
Robin said that Lady Gaga will be on Larry King's show tonight. She said that there are some other finales going on. She said that it was the end of 24 and Law and Order. She had some ratings information for those two shows. Robin said they had about 9 million for 24 and 7.9 million for Law and Order. Howard said that's not that many for finale shows.
Robin had some audio of Sarah Jessica Parker talking about the Sex and the City 2 movie. Howard played those clips and cut them off. Howard said he hasn't seen the movie yet since he had to leave the premiere early. He said he's probably the only one who has ever gone to a premiere and didn't stick around for the movie. Howard ended the show after that. It was around 10:50am.
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Gary said that he fessed right up today too. He said that was the other thing he wanted to point out. Gary said that he would never sit on a port-a-potty seat either. Gary said he's never seen a clean one. Scott DePace was in and said that it's not that bad and he'd sit on one. Jon said that he'll wipe down but he will sit on the seat.
Gary said he didn't do anything gross other than forgetting to flush. Scott said there were remnants in there. Gary said that they may need someone to fix the toilet. Scott asked Gary why he had to shit in there today. Gary said the show was on. He doesn't want to shit in there but he had no choice. He said it's the first time in like 3 weeks that he's been in there. Scott said he's seen him walking around with newspapers before so it's more often than that.
Gary said that it was 8 in the morning and he can't go to the other bathroom. He said that he has to be there so he can hear Howard if he asks for anything. Jon said that he agrees with Gary there. He said everyone else should be going to the other bathroom.
DePace said that he's never taken a shit in that bathroom. Scott goes out to the other bathroom in the main lobby. Scott said they don't want to smell shit in their studio back there. The bathroom is right next to the Howard TV studio room.
Will said that he uses that bathroom to shit too. He said it's usually in the afternoon. Gary said he bets that Scott is the guy who shits in the airport bathroom. Scott said at K-Rock he took a shit next to Andy Dick who was grunting as he was shitting.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Gary shits every day at work. Gary said not at all. The guy asked who has the smelliest shit there. Gary said that he's never really smelled anything. He said that they have a deodorizer in there and it works pretty well. Will said he can tell when Jason shits. He can recognize the smell. He was his roommate for a while so he can recognize that.
Scott said that he was actually able to beat an odor test when they had someone come in to test them. Scott said he took a huge crap a couple of weeks ago and he wanted to take a picture and send it to Richard Christy. He said it was impressively huge. He said it filled the bowl.
Benjy asked the guys about putting toilet paper down on the seat and why they don't like to do that. Jon said he'd rather just sit on the seat. Fred came in around that time so Gary asked him what he thinks. Fred said he might take a chance if he has to go really bad. He said he tries not to take a crap back there in the compound.
The caller asked if they have a problem with their penis touching the inside of the toilet. Gary said that it's the worst feeling when that happens. Fred said he hates that even at home. He said it's the worst when you're not at home.
Another caller said that he makes a whole nest to sit on when he goes to the bathroom at work. Jon said you have to look at who is using the toilet too.
Gary said it was his mother who told him to put the paper down. He said it was at Mets game when his mother told him he had to put paper down.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if they use their cell phones while on the toilet. Gary said he never has. DePace has. some of the guys said they'll do that. Benjy said that he likes to just sit there and lounge out while he's on the toilet.
Tim Sabean came in and said that he will never go to the bathroom there. He said that he sometimes talks on his phone while he's in the bathroom. DePace said he's not sure if it'll pick up the sound of pee. Gary said of course it will.
Gary said he went to a hotel last night and he was on the toilet going through his blackberry. He said he put it down after he was done going and washed his hands before picking it up.
Benjy asked Gary if he uses the sheets at a hotel. Gary said that he won't use a blanket. Some hotels have a single blanket, top sheet combo now.
Gary said that Howie Mandel has talked about how he wraps his hands in toilet paper and then takes the blanket off the bed before sleeping in it.
Another caller said that he's taken pictures of his shits and sent them to his buddies. Gary said that he has never photographed a shit of his. He said there is no reason for that. The caller told him he's nuts. Gary told the caller he's nuts. Scott said he's never taken a picture but he has thought about it. He said that he does take a look before wiping to see just how big it is if he almost shit himself.
Gary said he saw Brent Hatley at Stamos' house this weekend and Bubba used to take pictures and there would be no toilet paper in the pictures so they found out that Bubba sometimes wouldn't wipe.
Scott said that Howard can turn anything like that funny. Gary said that Scott is the director of the show but the supervising producer and associate producer aren't there so it falls on Scott's head when that happens. Scott said that today they told Will to let them know when he was going to call in so they could get him on. He said Howard picked up and Will never told them. Scott said they didn't know that Bobo would have his speakers up.
Scott said that they thought it would be cool to have Bobo up on the show and it just didn't work out today. Will said he didn't know anything about it until Doug told him about it. Will said that Bobo is up every day there. Scott said that he's not up every day. Will insisted that he is. Will said that he's not going to let him know every time he calls if he's there every day. Scott said it's dead anyway because Howard killed it today.
Gary asked Scott why he thinks that there's some kind of competition there with radio and TV. Scott said that they think that they're supposed to be just following along while they do a radio show. Gary said that's what Howard told them was supposed to happen. It's a radio show first and a TV show second. Scott said he understands that but they ask for stuff and they get attitude like they're asking for the world. Will said that's because he tells multiple people the same thing. Will said he tells 4 people the same thing and then Scott asks him again and it frustrates him. Gary said he agrees with Will on that. He said he should be working on their communication.
Jon asked why Doug and Gange aren't there. Scott said that Doug makes the decision about whether or not he's there and he may not come in if they don't have a special guest. Gary said there have been many times when they need someone in there helping out with that stuff like Bobo. Scott said Richie Wilson was supposed to be there but he was out shitting today.
Doug Goodstein called in and said that he's only out twice a month and today just happened to be one of those days that it didn't work out. Doug said that Bobo was their trial subject and it didn't work for whatever reason. Doug said they weren't giving him any audio and they didn't know his speakers were going to be on. Gary asked if the experiment is over. Doug said it shouldn't be. He said they should be able to work it out.
Doug said that he told Will just yesterday about the Bobo thing. Will said that Bobo is on every day. Fred asked Doug if they told Bobo what was going on and if he knows how to do things because he doesn't seem like the sharpest tool in the box. Doug said they did tell Bobo not to do anything just for them. He said he calls every day so they know he's a good subject. He said that he's not up on Howard's screen every day. Will said that he is though.
Will wanted them to just assume he's going to be on every day and set up his video every day. Will said that he'll take the blame if Doug wants to. Doug said that it's a pain in the ass and he's not blaming Will. Gary asked who else is part of the test. Doug said they wanted to see if Mariann, Eric the Midget, High Pitch Eric, Hanzi and people like that were going to be test subjects. Gary said it sounds like these people just go out and sell them on the street. Doug said they were $16 webcams so they weren't that much.
They wanted to get Ralph to do the Skype thing but he wanted them to pay for his internet. He didn't even have internet at the time.
Jon said he heard that Scott was in the back laughing at the oil spill. Scott said he was laughing at Will and the way he reacts to it. He said Will is overreacting to it. Scott said that Will is all about saving water but it's pointless when something like this happens.
Ralph called in and said that this Skype thing was his idea like 7 years ago. He said it was his idea at K-Rock. He said he doesn't wanted to be part of this hacky thing that they're doing either. He said he would do it right if he was going to do it. Ralph said he did ask them to help him out with the high speed internet too because he didn't have it at the time. Scott said that they assumed that if the Wack Pack have high speed internet that Ralph would have it. Gary asked Ralph why he ''needs'' an iPad. Ralph said it's necessary. He argued with Gary about that for a minute.
Ralph said he still has AOL too and he even pays for it even though he doesn't have to. The guys got a laugh out of that.
Gary said that it's unfair for an audio engineer to diagnose a smell. Fred said it was equipment in the room that was making the smell though. He said that it wasn't unfair to ask him. Jon said it was funny to see Scott looking around for the smell. He said he was trying.
Jon asked if Scott explained what was wrong with the song that Howard played yesterday. Gary said he thinks that his explanation was right. Fred said he's not so sure about that. He said there was no default settings or anything like what Scott was saying.
Scott the Engineer came in and said that he did reload the song that was screwed up. Scott said he was trying to make it sound sharper than it was. Fred said that Scott may have overloaded the song. Scott said that the setting in prophet didn't like the settings it saw so that's why it sounded the way it did. It was clipping the sounds that it didn't like.
Jon asked Scott about the smell in the studio. That led to Scott talking about how he was the Air Conditioning repair man over at K-Rock too. He said that he had to adjust the temperature in there all the time. Gary said Howard would get so pissed off too. The guys told some more shit stories before they had to go to break.
Jon asked if there is something else going on there with Sal other than just finding stuff for the show. Gary said he thinks that Sal would be doing it even if it wasn't his job. Fred agreed and it's a way that Sal can have some fun at work.
Sal said he thought the second clip was going to be way over the top for Howard so he didn't play that one. then Howard wanted to hear it. Sal said he once saw a woman licking a cow's ass and the only thing that stopped him from pulling the clip was because of the lack of sound.
Sal said that the grossest thing he ever saw was a fat woman who would cut a hole into a chair and she would shit into old men's mouths. He said that he saw that when he was like 16 and it was disturbing.
Sal said there have been other clips that have creeped him out too. He told the guys about the stuff he's seen and how disturbing it's been. He said he has gotten aroused by some of the stuff. Gary said Sal likes the humiliation stuff.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Sal if he's seen Horse Gag. Sal said that he has. He said that it's a black chick who finishes off a horse and the load runs down her face and all over the woman. Sal said that he doesn't like that stuff but he has seen it. Gary said he gets tons of videos and he's never seen that one. Sal said it's all over the place. Gary said it's all over the place if that's what you're looking for.
Jon asked if Richard is into this stuff. Sal said Richard used to be into that stuff big time but he's done a 180 or a 360 on it. Now that he's with Kristin he has changed and he never says anything about porn anymore.
Sal said Richard goes on the gay web sites and sees gay guys pissing up other guy's asses and he laughs his ass off. Fred said Richard calls that ''research.'' Sal said there was no budget for the gay porn and Richard went to ask Tim for his credit card to buy some more but he was turned down.
Jon said that Richard had a big collection of porn. Richard said he still has it but he doesn't add to it that much. Richard said he was on a 10 year getting laid drought so he had a big porn collection. He said he has a fiancee now so he doesn't need that. Richard said he still has it and he's not sure what Kristin thinks about it.
Richard said he hasn't laughed that hard in years when he found the gay piss porn. He said this guy pulls out of a guy's butt hole and then pisses on the guy's buttocks and then puts his dick back in the guy's butt hole.
Sal said that the show is all about turning that stuff into audio clips that the fans will like. Jon asked Richard if he's seen that Horse Gag video. Richard said he probably has. Gary said he may have seen that video when he was a kid. He said that they went into the peep booths in the city when he was a kid and that might have been one of the movies he saw.
Jon took a call from a guy who told a story about this friend of his who watched one of those gross videos and his mother walked in and ended up puking. Steve Brandano said that was nothing of what he told him when he screened the call. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how tired he was from watching the American Idol finale last night. Robin didn't see it. She said she waited until this morning to find out the results. Howard said he has some comments about the show if anyone cares to hear them. Gary has some too. Howard said that a lot of their comments have to do with weight.
Howard said he was drunk last night. He said that apparently he's drinking during the week now. He said he was drinking vodka. He wasn't home alone doing that though. He said he and his daughter have a standing date on Wednesday but yesterday she had something else to do. Ross Zapin contacted him and asked if he wanted to go to dinner at Nobu. He said that they're lucky they get to go to that place. He said it's such a treat. He said that if you can afford it then go there.
Howard said his friend has been there on occasion and he really likes it. He can't afford to go every day but he goes once in a while for special occasions.
Howard said Richie Notar was working last night at Nobu so they all had some fun together. Howard said he had 3 vodkas last night so that's how he got drunk. Howard said he knew he was in trouble because he was starving by then. He said he eats lunch at 8:30 in the morning so he's starving by that time. He said he doesn't eat anything all afternoon.
Howard said he has to try Robin's juices some day. He said he'd probably drink like 50 of those. He said what Robin is doing makes sense to him. He said Robin doesn't eat the normal stuff he eats. He gets bloated from that stuff.
Howard said he met Ross at Nobu and had a nice night out with the boys. Robin said she was afraid that he was drinking with his daughter. He said he still pretends that he's a dad from the 1950s with his kids. He said he pretends that they don't date and things like that. He said it's really hard to come to grips that they're so grown up now. He said that he might not be able to relate it to Robin but the other night he woke up and had a dream about Debra being around 2 years old. He said she had this curly, red hair and he was holding her telling her how much he loved her. He said he was telling her how special she was and he was crying. When he woke up he thought he was crying. He wasn't because he's a real man. He said there was no evidence of real tears.
Howard said Gary's wife saw that Lee DeWyze crying on Idol last night so she asked Gary if he's a crybaby. Gary told her that he is. Howard said he thought that was kind of funny.
Robin brought up how Ralph was crying over LOST the other night. Howard asked Robin what she thinks is going on with Ralph since he's still single. Robin said she's not sure. Howard said he's getting up there in age too and he doesn't seem to date that much. Robin said that Ralph is near 50 now. Howard said he figured he'd meet a girl eventually. Fred said Ralph is allegedly 45.
Robin talked about some of the girls that Ralph has dated and how one of them was scared off by his apartment. Howard said that girl told him how she reacted when she saw his apartment for the first time and how she locked herself in his bathroom when she saw all of the little toys he had laying around.
Howard said he was really looking forward to going out and having some drinks. He had a tough day yesterday. He said he's started praying. Howard said he didn't go to temple but he did have a drunken conversation with God at home. He said prayers are not for him. He said God doesn't want to hear his bullshit... if there is one. Howard said he didn't want to be like Jeff the Drunk asking for money. He said he might tell Robin why he's praying in private but he's not sure he even wants to burden her with that. Robin asked if it was Ralph that he was praying for. Howard said he wouldn't do that.
Howard said he told God that he will go to Temple this summer. He said he has plans to do that. Howard said the Jews make you pay to go though. He said Beth goes to church once in a while and she just picks a place and goes. She doesn't have to pay.
Howard said that St. Anthony guy comes through every time. He said he's prayed to a bunch of religions and that one is the only one that works. He said St. Anthony finds dumb shit that you could probably live without. He said that he's the patron saint that helps finds stuff. Howard said it has to be a little something. He said he lost his glasses in the ocean and he prayed to him and he found them.
Howard said his praying is so lame too. He said the room was spinning and the prayer was really quick. Howard said he has to sober up and go to temple to pray. He's not sure that God is listening to him when he's drunk praying. Howard said it should be irrelevant if he believes or not. He said God's ego would have to be pretty big to care if he believed or not.
Howard said he was saying stuff out loud while he was praying. He said Beth wasn't around and there was a party going on.
Howard said he took a chess lesson yesterday. He said that he didn't go out to Long Island so he was doing it all at home. He said he loves chess but he realized that he's never going to be good at it. He said he's getting really frustrated now. He said you have to calculate 10-12 moves ahead when you play. He said he started too late in life.
Howard told Robin that she would have loved some of the stuff he had last night at Nobu. Robin said she doesn't eat seafood. Howard told her about some crab meal he had and Robin told him he's eating bottom feeders and she doesn't do that. Howard said he figures that she sits there thinking about the crap he eats when they go out. Robin said she feels bad for the things they eat.
Howard said that the oil spill is going to screw things up for seafood. Howard said he may have to switch to green drinks.
Howard said Tim Sabean is back on Robin's diet. He gained back a bunch of weight and he's trying to get rid of it again.
Howard said he saw that Robin ran 3.8 miles and did an hour and a half of Bikram Yoga. Howard asked if it smells in there. Robin said she has never smelled any ass or anything like that. She might be used to the smells of other things. Robin said the heat is like 90-100 degrees and she doesn't notice any smells. She said you do get hit with other people's sweat though.
Howard asked how many people are in there. Robin said there's only a foot between the mats but she's not sure how many are in there. Howard said all dudes smell like ass at some point. She said here's not as many dudes in there as you'd think.
Howard said he had lobster spaghetti last night. He said that was really good. He said that's a hell of a dish. He said they could probably substitute something else if he wanted. He said he was really wasted last night after drinking. Howard said there was no disguising it either. He was lit.
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Howard said they have a week off next week so he's going to be drinking then. He had to have some water to re-hydrate from last night. Howard said that's one thing that Robin hasn't given up. She's still drinking. Howard said she must love getting wasted. Robin said she rarely gets ''wasted.'' She said she does once in a while though.
Howard said that Randy Jackson is fat again on Idol. Howard said he got skinny for a while but he's back to being fat. He said Kelly Clarkson showed up and she's fat too. He said she's the size of a whale now. Howard said she's the size of Chastity Bono. Robin said she really was.
Howard said part of the last night of Idol is that the kids are teamed up with real rock stars or singers. He said when you hear a kid singing a song like a Doobie brothers song then you know that they were mentored by one of the Doobies. Howard said that Michael McDonald was on last night and he came out and didn't look anything like Michael McDonald.
Howard said one of the kids was singing a poison song and Bret Michaels came out. Robin said Bret is appearing on every show. Howard said Bret isn't setting a good example for the kids. He risked his life for American Idol after all of these problems he's been having. Howard said the guy is going to drop dead on stage one of these days. Howard said he was singing ''Every Rose Has a Thorn'' because he has nothing else to sing. Robin said this is the guy who had a mini-stroke last week. Howard said there are a lot of guys who work right up until the day they die. He said that's like what Bret Michaels is doing.
Howard said the doctors are telling Bret to relax but he's going out and doing all of this stuff. He said he must be having a good time.
Howard said Crystal Bowersox should have won last night. He said she's the better singer. He said that the kids appear not to like her. He said she almost seems to not care that much and this Lee DeWyze worked at a paint store as a paint salesman. Howard said they had a shot of him making paint at the store. He said that's bullshit. He doesn't need anyone teaching him how to make paint.
Howard said Crystal Bowersox came out and she's kind of chubby with tattoos on her back. Howard said she came out and they put her in a spaghetti strap dress and the straps were covered with back fat like sausage. He said the back fat was hiding the straps. Howard said someone should be looking at her and letting her know it doesn't look good. He said that's why he has Ralph dressing him. He said he needs someone to tell him he looks like a shlub.
Howard said Crystal has dread locks that look like a mess. He said she's missing teeth and it's disturbing. Howard said they should have given her some teeth on that show. He said they could have given her the two missing teeth.
Gary said that Crystal holds notes for a few seconds at times and you just stare into her mouth. Howard said even Ellen told Crystal that she looked about as comfortable in a dress as she does.
Howard said it was Simon Cowell's last night so they dragged out Paula Abdul. He said she looked good on the show too. He said it's weird how out of it she really is. He said everyone was excited to see her and everyone was applauding her. He said she waited like 5 seconds and still said thank you like they were applauding her. He said that Paula was thanking Simon for what he did for her. Howard remembered he had to play a clip of FOX News cutting out some applause for President Obama at some event. He said he'd get to that later.
Howard said Dane Cook was singing a song to Simon on the show too and he didn't get what was going on there. Gary said it seemed to be a surprise and they cut away from him.
Howard said they were doing taped tributes to Simon and things like that on the show too. Howard said they had Simon saying his snarky comments and that was another tribute. He said they were doing too much of that. He said that it was weird that Paula was kicked off the show and she had a lot to say to Simon but the other judges didn't. Howard said it was kind of weird.
Howard said they trotted out that Janet Jackson and she has some tukas. Robin said that comes and goes. Howard said that thing comes out from like an alien planet or something. He said she's thin on top but on bottoms she's huge. Howard said it's like J-Lo's butt times 50. He said they should have wheels on that thing. It's like she's smuggling coconuts back there. Howard said that it's just too much ass. It's almost a deformity.
Howard said Latoya has no ass at all. He said it's freakish how big Janet's ass is. Robin said when they saw her she was thin. Howard said she came out and it was almost like it's a partial twin in her ass. Howard said it might have a brain and a nose. Maybe it can talk too.
Howard said one of the kids came out and sang with the band Chicago. Howard said that was really freakish. He said Chicago isn't the same band it was years ago. He said it wasn't Pete Cetera or anyone else that you'd recognize. He said it was more like a Chicago cover band. He said you feel bad for them.
Howard said this kid who won has no charisma. He said he will never have a hit. Howard said you look at the other people who won and you recognize most of them. Some of them should be erasing that memory from people's minds. He said that Fantasia Barino was up there and you think about what a pain in the ass she was. Then you start to see how some of them have never gone on to do anything. Howard said he had to think about who was who up there. It wasn't easy. He said Ruben Studdard lost like 150 pounds and Jessica Simpson seems to have gained all of that.
Howard said one of the guys was missing. Gary said that David Cook was the one who was missing. Howard said that line up was sad. He said that they shouldn't be so proud of themselves because not many of them have become big stars. He said they had the one kid who beat out the gay dude. He couldn't remember his name. Howard said they've done 10 seasons of that show and only had 2 hit makers.
Howard said they had Jennifer Hudson on the show and she went on to have some hits but she didn't win the show. He said the judges were wrong with her.
Howard said that Simon Cowell will be on TV and the people who should have said goodbye were the rest of the judges. Howard said Simon will get all of the ratings and Idol will end up going away. Howard said he's into that stuff but not that into it. He said he likes Sex and the City too but he's not that into it that he's on any ''team'' like they were asking him at the premiere.
Howard said he took notes on the show. Robin said she feels like she was there. Now she doesn't have to watch.
Howard said he has a friend who asked why he gets up so early to do the show. Howard said he likes to read the paper before the show. He said the friend told him to just roll in around 5:45 and do the show and read the paper on the air. Howard said that would be too uncomfortable for him.
Howard said the kid that Ellen signed is a 12 year old kid she saw covering Lady Gaga's ''Paparazzi'' song. Howard said he played the audio of that on the show recently. Howard said just because the kid can play someone else's song doesn't mean he's going to have hit songs. He played the clip of the kid singing that he got from YouTube. Howard said the kid is good but he'd like to hear his original songs first.
Howard said one of the kids that played him in the Howard Stern Film Festival says he's better than this Lady Gaga kid. Howard said he got a letter from the kid and he says he was 11 in 2006 when he was in the film festival. Howard tried to figure out how old he was. 30 seconds later he figured out that he's 15. Howard said the kid is too old now. Howard said they need a real 12 year old like that kid on YouTube.
Howard said when he was 12 he was still cute. Howard said when he hit puberty at 13 it ruined everything. He said the cute went away. Howard said signing a 12 year old can be tricky. He said the kid could be just a year away from ugly. Howard said Ellen could end up suing the kid if he turns into a monster.
Howard said this kid is 15 so maybe they'd see what they're getting. Howard said that the kid who played him is upset he hasn't been on the show. Howard said the kid is a pushy kid. Howard read the letter he got and the kid was talking about what a super kid he is and how he just needs a break. Howard told Gary to book the kid to give him a break. Howard said he thinks they could get a record deal if this kid is good. He said they'll start ''Hobin'' if they can get this kid signed.
Howard said the kid's name is John and he had a picture of him. He said he does look good. Robin said he has the looks. Howard told Gary to book him again. He said they'll give him a shot. Howard said he doesn't want to tell the kid he sucks if he does suck. Howard said that's the hard part about being a judge on something like American Idol. Howard let Sal know that they're not going to do Cockyoke with this kid.
Howard played more of the Lee audio where he was taking the title and thanking everyone. Howard said he sang and awful song after that. Howard played some of that song and it was horrible. Howard said the song sounded like U2 but the kid sounded really bad. Fred said they had Alanis Morissette singing with Crystal and it came off as Crystal being a rank amateur.
Howard played some of Crystal singing the Alanis Morissette song. He said he thought she was head and shoulders above this Lee kid. Howard played a clip of the kids singing ''School's Out For Summer'' and that was awful too. Howard said he liked when the kids put on their school girl outfits. He said that appealed to a drunk Howard Stern. Howard said that will always appeal to him. He said he's there every time if someone puts on a school girl outfit.
Howard asked Robin if she ever had a school girl outfit. Robin said she never has. Howard asked if she would wear one if he bought her on. Robin said she would never do that. She doesn't think she'd look good in one. Howard said she's wrong. He said she needs to let him dress her. Howard said she'd look fabulous in one. Robin said he should stop thinking about that and go back to praying.
Howard said he might be done with his American Idol talk. Robin said it's the end of an era with Simon leaving. Howard said they have to find a replacement now.
JD told Howard to play Joe Cocker from the show. Howard said Joe doesn't do the weird hand movements anymore. He said the guy looks like he's 80 now. Fred said he looks as old as Jackie. Howard said Jackie looks young compared to Joe. Crystal and Lee were singing the Joe Cocker song ''A Little Help From My Friends.'' He played some of that performance. Joe came out in the middle of the song. Howard laughed when he heard him singing. He said the song still gives him goose bumps. He said it was exciting to see him doing that song too. Howard said you forget that it's a Beatles song because Joe turned it into his own thing. Howard said that was pretty good but he wasn't sure if he can sing anymore. Gary said JD thinks he can't sing at all. Howard let it play some more and said the guy is 66. He wasn't able to get out that scream.
Howard said it's still Joe Cocker in there somewhere. Howard said the thing about Ellen's record label is that you never know what that kid is going to do. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said he just had a Tim moment. He said he and Gary have like 3 seconds to talk during the breaks. He said he told Tim the other day that he stares at him too much. Tim came in and said ''Award winning American Idol spot!'' Howard had no idea what he was talking about. Howard said he was trying to eat, listen to stuff and talk to Gary and Tim says that. Howard said he wanted Robin to figure out what he was saying.
Robin said she would think that Tim liked the show last night or maybe he liked the segment Howard just did. Gary said Scott DePace had a completely different take on it. Tim came in but Howard told him to stay quiet while they tried to figure this out. Some of the guys thought Tim was saying that it was like a big ad he just did. DePace thought that he was tying it into the 7-Eleven spot he just did.
Howard said he told Tim just 11 days ago or so that he has to stop distracting him during the commercials. Howard said Tim is a sweetheart but he has to stop coming in and distracting him. Howard said Tim didn't back off. He said he keeps coming in.
Howard said he asked Tim what he was talking about with the American Idol spot comment. Howard said Tim wasn't even able to answer what it meant. Tim said he thought the 7-Eleven spot was phenomenal and he tried tying it into the American Idol segment. Tim said he's sorry, he's just going to go back to his office.
Howard said he knows he was complimenting him but it was a very Larry Sanders moment. He said it was like Artie talking to Larry. Tim said that's kind of what his job is.
Howard told Tim he could have just told him he did a good job on the 7-Eleven spot. Tim said it's early and he didn't get much sleep. Howard said that Tim uses that excuse like Eric the Midget uses it when he can't do math.
Tim is getting fat again and still wearing his skinny jeans. Tim said he's trying to lose it again. Gary said they had a bagel shop there the other day and Tim went out and got some bagels with cream cheese on it. Tim said it was turkey salad actually. Howard said Robin has given up on him already. Tim said he's going to Dr. Roni's and he's getting back on this thing so he can lose the weight. He has to get committed again because it really works.
Howard said Tim was on the Zone diet and he was eating double portions. He said it doesn't work when you do that. Tim said he's a man and he has to eat. Howard thanked Tim for the compliment earlier. Tim said he had to get back to work.
Howard asked how much money Jerry gave Colin for his show. Colin asked if they had to get into that. Howard was doing an impression of Colin that sounded like Eric the Midget. Colin said that Jerry just offered to produce the show and he has an open checkbook for it. He said that Jerry is directing it too. He said that he's seen it like 8 times now.
Howard said Colin could just go to a club and do his one man show. Colin said that most people in the clubs don't appreciate intelligent humor. Howard asked what Jerry puts up the money for because it's just him standing there. Colin said that it's a whole different ball game. He said there's more to it. There is music and lights too. He said he could do it in a club but it's one subject and people get antsy in a club.
Colin said Jerry is helping him out with directing and they're cutting stuff and cleaning it up. Colin told Howard he could do a one man show of 7-Eleven commercials.
Howard asked Colin if he's appearing in anything else. Colin said he's doing the one man show. Howard said he's like a kept woman with that show. Robin figured that Jerry was paying him to do that. Howard said he must be out on the road doing stand-up. Colin said he's just doing the one man show. Howard said he'll tell Jerry to give him a couple of dollars. He let Colin go after that. Howard said that guy is funny. He said he loves Colin.
Lisa said that they have a story about Scott the Engineer talking about working with Robin for 25 years and how he still doesn't seem to know her. Howard said Scott drove Robin home on 9/11 and it was a horrible experience for her. Robin said she spent most of the afternoon wondering how to get out of there. Lisa said Scott is upset that Robin doesn't talk to him and just has him pull her news clips. Howard said she's busy working too.
Robin said she has to quit this job because she's a miserable cunt who doesn't say good morning to anyone. Howard said Robin isn't leaving. Robin said that she's going to leave today. She said she's done. She said that Lisa is doing these stupid fucking news reports. Howard said Robin is being silly. Robin was getting ready to leave. She packed up her stuff and left.
Scott came in and said that this was all taken out of context. He said that he was just answering Lisa's questions and she took them out of context. Scott said she started it and it was all slanted toward making it sound like he was against Robin.
Howard asked Lisa if she had anything else to make someone walk off the show. Lisa was very upset. She said she feels badly. Howard asked if she has nay other Colin Quinn stories. Lisa said she doesn't.
Lisa said they have a new special hosted by Jeff the Drunk next week. It's the best drinking moments on the show. Howard had to take a break so he could go talk to Robin and get her to come back on the show.
Howard came back and Robin was there too. Howard took a call from Eric the Midget who wasn't there when he picked up. Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she's glad Robin is back. Mariann said she got a personal note from Beth O yesterday and that was so exciting for her. She said she wanted to know how the Pittsburgh signing went. Howard said he has no idea. He said she left him a note saying it was great but that was it. Howard said Beth was happy with it but he doesn't know what happened with it.
Mariann said she loves Beth's book (Oh My Dog: How to Choose, Train, Groom, Nurture, Feed, and Care for Your New Best Friend). She picks it up every night. She's getting it for a couple of other people. Mariann said she loves Howard too.
Howard let Mariann go and picked up on someone else but he had no idea who it was. Howard tried again and a guy asked if Beth is bugging him to move out to L.A. Howard said Beth was out there to promote her book and the True Beauty show she has coming out. Howard said Beth doesn't want to move out there. Howard said she's happy in New York. He said he's happy too. He said he loves California and he doesn't get why people in New York don't like it out there. Howard said people are nuts.
Howard said that he meets a lot of jerk offs there in New York, just as much as in the rest of the country. He said that there aren't that many regional differences now.
The caller said he'd like the weather out there. Howard said ''who wouldn't.'' The caller said he lives in Compton and there was a piano playing behind him. He said that this one girl that was there was playing the piano in his house. Howard hung up on him and said he just wanted to get out of that conversation.
Howard asked what anal dilation videos are. Sal said that a guy will finish in a chick's ass and then they'll open it up and see it pulsating as the cum drips out. JD came in and said that it's not even a guy cumming in there. He said they use a speculum to spread it open and look inside. Sal said that's under the ''medical tools'' category.
Howard said he's glad he's kind of normal and doesn't need to see this fetish stuff. Sal said they had a guy who did that medical tools thing and he got arrested and put in jail for distributing the pee porn domestically. Howard said he feels bad for the guy going to jail for selling videos of people peeing on each other. Robin said that is kind of sketchy that they can do the dilation thing and not pee.
Sal told Howard about some of the things that he's seen where they open up assholes and put stuff in there and then drink it out. Howard said Sal must like this stuff. Sal said he doesn't like that kind of stuff. Sal said he does like women who submit to stuff. Howard said Sal likes to watch women being humiliated. Sal said it has to be consensual. Howard said he likes the humiliation either way. Sal said it has to be consensual because he doesn't believe in that stuff.
Sal talked about the time he saw his aunt naked in the bathroom when he was hiding in the closet. Howard said he had to have beat off to that. Sal said he may have gotten a little aroused but he didn't beat off.
Howard read more categories like ball kicking, ballerina videos and banana videos. Sal told Howard about the banana fucking videos and some of the wild things he's see. There are baseball bat videos of chicks getting them shoved inside of them. Then there are bear videos of big, hairy guys fucking girls. Beer videos where they pour beer inside chicks. There are bicycle videos, braces videos where guys jack off into girls who are wearing braces, cock ball torture, champagne videos, clothes pissing and many more.
Howard was getting sickened by some of the stuff Sal had on his list. Sal was telling Howard the details of some of the stuff and grossing everyone out. There were electrifying videos where girls get shocked. There were freckle videos, grandma and grandpa videos. Sal said they have some where the guys are really old and the girls are really young. Howard said he might have some interest in that.
Howard read some email and tried to find some stuff about the porn clips they played yesterday. Howard said that they played the mom and son stuff yesterday. There were emails about a lot of other things. A lot of people asked for no more Bobo on the show. They don't want Howard picking up on him at all and especially no more Skype. Howard said he doesn't think Bobo is that bad. Robins said he finds it a little creepy.
Howard read the mail he got about Sal and his mommy porn clips. The writer said Sal is creepy with that stuff. One writer said it was so creepy he can't work for 6 months and he has to take that time off to get therapy.
Howard replayed some of the audio that he played yesterday where the mom was telling her 19 year old son what to do to her.
Howard said he can imagine that he'd get turned down if he asked to adopt a kid. Robin said it would be like that Evil Dave call they made to an adoption agency. Howard said he should replay that. Fred had it ready to go so he played the call. The guys had Evil Dave Letterman call an adoption agency asking to adopt a black baby and making all kinds of inappropriate comments until the woman hung up on him.
Howard and Robin were laughing through the whole call. They talked about how funny the call was when they were done listening. Sal was making some comments that Howard didn't like. Howard said that any conversation with Sal goes wrong. Sal kept trying to explain what he was trying to say but Howard told him to leave. He said he always says the wrong thing. Then Sal will say that he didn't mean to offend anyone even though he did.
Howard said Beth will say to him that they should get a black child once in a while. He said they could be like Brad and Angelina. Robin said Wyclef Jean has asked them to adopt a Haitian baby. Howard said he should get in on that too. Howard said he bets he's the only one who can't get a black child.
Howard isn't sure why Beth thinks he'd want to adopt a black child if he doesn't even want a child of his own.
The caller said the show has been great the past few weeks. He talked about some of the stuff he's been doing lately like a Jesse James impression Howard did where he was trying to talk to celebrities. Howard said he has no memories of the shows he does and he doesn't remember doing that. It was just yesterday that he did it.
Howard said he had a friend asking him who has made him laugh the hardest on the show. Howard said he doesn't remember the old shows but he did come up with Sam Kinison, Gilbert Gottfried, Artie Lange and others. He said Jim Breuer is another one who makes him laugh really hard. He said he told his buddy Pat about Jim doing his Joe Pesci and telling stories about his dad and stuff like that.
Howard said he wasn't a fan of Goat Boy but Breuer is so funny telling the story how he came up with the character. Howard said SNL ruined that bit.
Howard said Jim is writing a book and he asked him to write a blurb for the cover. Howard said he tried to write something funny but he was coming off lame. Howard said he loves the guy and he's got writer's block. Robin said he should listen back to this segment and come up with something.
The caller told Howard that the Don Rickles call was great the other day too. Howard said he never imagined that he'd have Don on the show when he was growing up. Howard said Don is a hero of his. He said that guys like that, Soupy Sales, The Three Stooges and guys like that were his heroes. Howard said Don is an amazing man and he has an amazing brain.
Howard said Don was on the show one time promoting his book. Howard said he tends to stick to his stories about Sinatra and stuff like that. Howard said he was offered a shot to do interview specials at ABC a few years ago and he probably should have done them with people like Rickles. Howard said the guy must have some amazing stories to tell. Howard said Don seems to have been very attached to his mother and he'd like to know the details of that.
Howard said he's not sure how much Don would open up to him but there must be a really interesting story there.
The caller said that they make toilet paper that you can put people's faces on and he thinks that Howard should put Leno's face so he can wipe his ass with him. Howard said he wouldn't even want to see his face every day. He said there are people who focus on him all the time and he doesn't want to be consumed with someone like other people are. Howard said he really doesn't think of Jay that much.
Howard read some of the highs and lows that Rob had in his column. There were moments like Betty White on SNL, Conan's goodbye show, David Letterman's confession, Katy Perry on American Idol and more. The worst moments were Jay Leno at 10 o'clock, Heidi Fleiss on Celebrity Sober House and more.
Howard said that Ozzy Osbourne is out promoting his new album and he went to Madam Tussauds wax museum. Howard said he and Robin should start a wax museum along with their record label. Howard said Ozzy went to this place and had Ozzy sit on a bench and people would sit next to him and then Ozzy would scare the shit out of them by moving. Howard said it was really cool way to promote his new album ''Scream.'' Howard said they asked him to do a Madam Tussauds figure but he didn't want anything to do with that. Howard said he didn't want people thinking he was Joey Ramone.
The Howard TV guys had some of the Ozzy video to play. Howard told them to show it to Robin and Fred for a few seconds. Howard said it was very visual.
Howard told Eric to give him one comment. Eric said he liked Crystal better but he didn't like the three songs she did. He also said that Lee threw a better pitch than Gary.
Howard asked Eric if the show is over without Simon. Eric said no. Howard asked who the new judge should be. Eric said Elton John. Howard said Elton is too nice and he wouldn't even take the job. Howard said Elton would never do it.
Howard said they had better come and beg him to take that job. He's not going to take it but they should offer. Howard said he was offered a network TV show being a judge but he turned it down. Howard said American Idol is losing ratings already. He said they didn't even mention how many phone votes they got on the show. They used to brag about that. Now they don't mention it.
Eric said he went to a Carrie Underwood concert and the band that was there said that their song went to number one on iTunes.
Eric said that two things got mis-reported about him. He said that Langford was wrong about coming out to L.A. for his high school reunion. Robin said that they weren't wrong, they were saying that's what the original idea was. Eric said the reunion was the week before. Howard asked Eric to please give them a break. Eric said he had to correct Steve on the number of women on his blog. He said Steve had that wrong too.
Howard said that Eric has a registry of things that he wants people to pay for. Eric said it's a wish list on Amazon.com. Eric said some people have bought stuff for him. He said that he's gotten some art supplies, video games and stuff like that. Howard said he has to see Eric's art work. He said it must look like child drawings or something really crude. Howard wondered if Eric could have any talent. Howard said he doesn't even have hands. Eric said he dos have hands. Robins said he's just ''club fuckin' footed.''
JD came in and said that Eric has 250 items on his wish list. Howard asked who sent him the stuff. Eric said they're fans. Gary had the list. He read some of the stuff on there and there were a lot of country CDs. Howard said it sounds like the worst music list ever as Gary was reading off the list. One of the bands was the Courtyard Hounds which is the Dixie Chicks without Natalie Maines. Howard goofed on Eric about that for a minute.
Gary read some of the other items on Eric's list and found that he has a ton of Oakland A's tings on there. He would like a leather recliner too. Howard asked what he would do with that. Gary said he reclines all day long. Eric said he would fit it there in his room if he could fit it.
Howard said Jimmy Kimmel mentioned this list to him and he was thinking about buying something for him. Eric is looking for a PS3 and some other things. Eric said he has to share his PS3 with his roommate so he'd like his own.
Gary read more of the list and he had a ton of expensive things on there. He had a travel clock on the list and Gary said he never goes anywhere. Howard asked how much the travel clock was. He said he might buy that one for him. Gary said it was currently unavailable. Gary said there were books about how to draw animals and cars on the list. Howard said he's going to buy him one of the books. He wanted some cuff links too but that one confused Howard. Howard said he doesn't need cuff links. Eric said he has a tux from his brother's wedding. He had a navigation system on there too. There was a camera, a DVD recorder, a camera and a lot of other stuff.
Gary said there are over 300 items on this list. He said there were tons of video games and books about how to draw things. Howard said he used to get books like that and they tell you to draw a circle and then draw a cylinder. Then on the next page they tell you to draw a whole train. Howard said he never understood the steps in between.
Gary said there was a program to design architecture in your house. He said that one confused him. Howard asked where that's going to get Eric if he learns to draw a dog. Eric said he didn't know. Gary said he had like 9 refrigerators on the list too. Eric said they were just different options. Robin asked where he would put them all. Eric said he's not sure.
Howard said the odds of Eric getting anything is pretty slim. He said he's lucky if he gets one of the refrigerators. Howard said Jimmy was thinking about buying something for him. Jimmy is on the internet 24 hours a day so he knows about this stuff.
Howard said he didn't know Eric was such an artist. He said Eric is like Vincent Van Didn't-Grow or Andy Warsmall.
Gary said there was a list of the 15 things that someone bought for Eric. Someone bought him a drawing set for $175. Eric said he didn't think anyone bought him anything for that much. He said he got gift cards and bought stuff off the list too. Eric said there were a couple of people who bought stuff from the list too. They were Oakland A's towels and things like that.
Howard said he saw a video of a guy getting run over by an emergency vehicle on a beach. He said he doesn't understand how they let people drive on the beach. Howard said it can't be good for the environment or the people laying out. Howard said the guy lived but he broke his spine.
Howard told Eric he had to go. He asked how you get on that list. Eric said it's on Amazon.com. Howard let him go and spent a few more minutes talking about that list. Howard said he's going to buy Eric a doll house. He said they should buy him 7 refrigerators just to see what he does with them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw some coverage of Beth on a local Pittsburgh station and most of the report was about Howard and not about Beth. Howard said Beth gets that and she understands why that is. The caller said they interviewed Beth's parents and one of the question was about Howard and how he gets along with the family and the father was saying some stuff. Howard said that he thought the guy was just trying to start some shit. The caller said he wasn't though. Then he asked to play a game. Howard said it was a bad call and he wasn't going to reward him for that.
Howard said he calls his father-in-law ''daddy'' as a goof and he also has some fun with the brother-in-laws and says they're his brothers. Howard said he has fun doing the ''Daddy!'' thing. He said that Beth's parents are great people. He said Beth's mom did hang up on Beth the first time she heard she was dating Howard Stern. She didn't talk to her daughter for 2 weeks after that. Howard said her mother is very religious and she wasn't happy about that news. Howard said she's a really good person and she goes out and helps homeless people and things like that. He said she's like a real Christian and she's all about Jesus. Howard said Beth used to go to church on Easter. He said if she doesn't go she feels guilty. Her mom will ask about that.
Howard said Beth's mom is like his mom with Transcendental Meditation. He said his mom was giving it to his daughter the other day about not keeping up with it. Howard said he told his mom she has to lighten up.
Howard heard that Pete got choked up on the show last night. Pete said he did. Howard said Gary told him that Pete is basically useless back in the office. He said Gary told him he can leave when the show is over because he doesn't have anything for him to do.
Gary said he loves Pete but there isn't much they have for him to do back there. Gary said having him around is keeping him in the way there. He said he likes having Pete around though. Gary said Pete doesn't know where to be so he wanders around like bumper pool. He knocks into stuff as he wanders the halls.
Gary said he has things for Pete to do but not all that much. Gary asked Pete what his day consists of. Pete said he answers phones a couple of times. This morning he said he hasn't done much. Howard said he sits around listening to dance music during the show. He's not even listening to the show. He waits to be called in on the air and then goes home.
Gary said that one of their old assistants is the one who found Pete. She said that Pete used to hang out in the library. Pete spends the whole day there at the library according to that woman. Gary said they ended up hiring Pete.
Howard said Pete is going to have to surrender his name ''Medicated Pete'' and leave there as just ''Pete.'' Howard said Pete must be wondering what to do with the rest of his life. Pete said he's going to be pawning stuff on the beach now. Howard said he heard that Pete's nickname is bedbug because he latches on to people. Pete said that's right.
Ronnie said that Pete walks around the whole building and stares at people. He just wanders around to places he shouldn't be going. He said Pete was down there at the ''other place'' where he shouldn't be. Howard asked Pete what he was doing up there. Pete said he doesn't know. He said he can't rationalize it.
Pete said he knows a guy from NFL radio up there so that's why he goes up. Ronnie said he wanders every hall up there though so he has to tell him to come back. Ronnie said he tells him to stay away from some of the areas down there.
Howard asked if Pete ever goes to the law offices and other parts of the building. Pete said he stays there in the SIRIUS compound. Ronnie said he also says goodbye like 18 times. He said he'll leave and then come back and then leave again. He said that Pete waits out there in the lobby waiting to go on the Wrap Up Show and thing like that.
Ronnie said that the receptionist can't figure out how to get rid of him either. Howard said he's going to be fucked when he leaves there. Howard asked if he can retire on the Medicated Pete app money. Pete said he has gotten some money off of that. He said he probably made about 3-400 dollars. Robin said that's not bad.
Gary asked how Pete makes money. Pete said he gets disability because of his Tourettes. Howard said he thinks he could get a job in a restaurant or something. Pete said he could spit on some hamburgers. Ronnie said he could stock shelves at a store or something. He doesn't think he could work a register or anything. Howard said that's why the library is so great because they can't kick him out of there. Ronnie said he should get a job there at the library.
Howard said Pete must be worried that his girlfriend is going to break up now that he's not on the show. Pete said he'll probably get booted to the curb. Howard said that chick is going to get sick of Pete bedbugging on to her. Ronnie asked what he was doing the rest of the week when he wasn't working there. Pete said he's trying to find something.
Howard said that it's been a pleasure having him there. He said he thinks Pete is a good dude. Pete thanked them for everything. Robin told him to stay in touch. Howard said maybe they can help him out with something. Robin said he can be part of the Wack Pack now. Howard said he should make an Amazon wish list so they can buy him stuff like Eric the Midget.
Howard asked Pete if he wanted to say goodbye like Simon Cowell did on Idol. Pete said it's been nice getting to know them and he appreciates them having him on. He said it was very nice of him. Howard said he took one look at Pete and knew he had to get him on the air.
Howard said it felt weird to say goodbye to Pete. Robin said she was hoping the day would never come. Howard said the same thing and thanked Robin for saying that. Howard told Pete to call in like Jeff the Drunk once in a while. He told him to just not ask for money.
Howard let Pete go and Pete kept turning around to say goodbye. Robin said she's never seen Pete like that. Howard said he's upset today. Robin said that Pete kept turning to Gary and saying ''bus'' and bursting out laughing.
Howard played a prank call the guys made using clips of Medicated Pete asking a ton of questions that the guy on the other end didn't understand.
Howard said that JD is upset that Pete is leaving because they left him alone. JD said that he's only there two days a week so he's not going to miss him. Howard said JD was kind of cool when Pete was around. Howard said JD actually didn't like Pete. JD said it's not that he didn't like him. He said Pete is funny at times but today he was just alright.
JD said Pete is weird. He said he stares at people and it's just weird. Will came in and said that JD got really upset with him when he invited Pete to a party. He said JD thought he was cooler than Pete and didn't think Pete should be there. JD said he knew it was out of a joke that he was invited. Howard imagined JD asking why they invited ''that nerd'' to the party.
Howard and Fred goofed on JD about that whole thing for a few minutes. Howard said that JD should have taken Pete under his nerdy wing. Howard let JD go after that. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard came back and said that Bruce Hornsby was on the show one time. He said he had Mike Walker on the phone too. He said he didn't know he was on or he would have gotten to him. Mike said he was there last week but he had some issues with his headphones.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Steve said that a crazed Stern Fan is trying to get Howard voted into the National Radio Hall of Fame. Howard asked that they please not vote him in. He said he really doesn't want to be in the hall of fame. He said it's a joke. Steve said it really is a joke and pathetic.
Steve said Jeff the Drunk is scheduled to appear at a wrestling event soon. he's also hosting ''Wasted Week'' next week on Howard 100. Howard had Jeff on the phone so he talked to him about the weight he's gained. He said he has this huge neck now that makes him look like a frog. Robin asked what was up with that. Jeff doesn't know. He said it's his upper half that's gained the weight. He said his legs stay the same.
Jon Hein said that it seems he's growing wider in his neck and face but the rest of him looks the same. Howard said he's excited to hear Jeff on the radio next week. Jeff said he called in and said that Howard was showing him in a bad way. Howard said that's not possible. He said that he was saying that Medicated Pete could be like Jeff the Drunk and call in asking for money. Jeff said he hasn't done that in almost a year now. Howard said he can't wait to hear him next week. He let Jeff go after that.
Steve said on Sunday they're going to have the Mistress Beauty Pageant on Howard 101 at 1pm. Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down his list of subjects for today's show. That led to Howard talking about how he thinks that he'd get rejected if he wanted to adopt a black baby. Howard said he's probably the only person who would get rejected. Howard said he's too old to have a kid though. He said he doesn't need that now. Howard said it would get him on the cover of every magazine though.
Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone after that. Mutt said that they're going to be talking about Eric the Midget's shopping list and the list of women he wants to have sex with. They'll talk about Bobo and his calls. Mutt said they'll talk about Colin Quinn's call today too. Howard said he likes Colin and he'd love to see this one man show of his.
Mutt said they'll also talk about what Howard said about putting Shuli in Artie's chair if he had to fill that chair. Howard said he's not going to fill that chair but if he wanted someone, Shuli could pull it off. Howard said he wasn't saying that Artie isn't coming back or anything. He said there are very few guys who can be additional voices on the show and Shuli is one of them. Howard let Mutt go a short time later.
Howard said that he almost went on the SternFanNetwork the other day to look for pictures of him at the screening of Sex and the City. Then he realized that everyone would be disparaging him, Beth and his daughter so he didn't go on. He said they got a ton of great mail about Jewel the other day and he almost went on to read their comments. He said they seem to hate everything he does over there at SFN. Howard said he didn't want to bum out so he didn't go on. He doesn't have the thick skin to go through that. He had to go to break after that.
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Howard came back and said Jason just told him a story about Gary interrupting an intern who was trying to tell a story. Gary explained what was going on with that. Howard saw Ross in Gary's office so he talked to him about all of the parties he goes to. He wondered why he does that when he's married. Ross said he goes to hang out with his friends. He said he tried to get Howard to go with him but he had to go home and watch American Idol. Howard said Gary is out of it today. He didn't turn off the mic when Ross was done.
Howard read a live commercial and then told Robin he was out in the hall running the channels. He said he was making big decisions out there. He said he was doing that like Bon Jovi does. That led to them talking about how big Jon Bon Jovi has gotten lately. Howard said that he's working out. He said that Jon went over there and Pat told him that they had to work out his whole body but Jon only wants to work on his arms apparently. Howard said Jon looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger now. Howard said he saw him on stage somewhere and he was doing a solo thing for charity. He said his arms had big veins and he thought he must be doing juice. They really are huge. He said he looks like Popeye after eating spinach.
Howard said he and Jon get together during the summer so he'll have to ask him how he did it. He said Jon is an interesting guy actually. Robin said that Jon is very political. Howard said he isn't when he's hanging out with him. He said he actually got a call from Al Gore one time. He said he and Al were going to work on a project together. He said he likes Al a lot and he told him he thinks he won the election. He said even Al said ''what are you talking about?'' Howard said this was like a year or two ago. He can't remember exactly. Howard said he called him ''President Gore'' because he thinks of him that way and doesn't recognize Bush.
Howard said one of their interns fought over in Iraq. He said the guy wanted Howard TV and the girlfriend he was living with broke up with him over that. Howard said she did him a favor. Howard said that would have been a bad marriage. Howard said that would be a doomed life anyway. He said that if the chick doesn't like Howard TV that much they can't have that much in common. He said that he can't possibly be in love with a woman who doesn't find him that funny.
Robin read a story about a man who infected himself with a computer virus. The guy implanted a chip into his body and then got it infected with a computer virus to prove that implants can be infected.
Bobo called in and told Howard he got rid of his first wife and she hated Howard. Bobo said that there wasn't room in the house for her if she hated him. Bobo said his current wife supports him 100 percent with that. Robin said that Bobo was already married when he discovered Howard though so his first wife didn't know that was going to happen to her. Bobo said that's true.
Robin read a story about some frogs that covered a road in Greece so the road had to be closed for a few hours. Robin said the frogs may have left the lake they were living in to find food. Robin said some cars skidded out after running over the frogs.
Robin read about this 2 year old kid that smokes and has been caught on video. The kid smokes 2 packs a day and he weighs 56 pounds. The doctors think he won't live to be an adult. Robin said they say there is video of the kid flicking ashes and he's very comfortable with the smokes. Howard said he saw it and the kid does look cool doing it. He knows when to tap his ashes off and everything. Howard said it would be funny if Sandra Bullock did that with her little Louie kid. Robin said they might take him back if she did that.
Robin read a story about Serena Williams breaking up with some rapper. They spent a minute on that and Howard said he rented a movie called Day Breakers that Ralph said sucks. He's going to watch that this weekend. He said he also got a copy of that movie ''Shutter Island.'' He said he heard it was good but other people said it was bad. He thought it was about people not being able to get off an island but Robin said that's not what it is. She told him to just watch it.
Robin read about P. Diddy talking about how Joaquin Phoenix seems to be real about this rap thing he's doing. Robin said she's still not sure if it was real or not.
Robin read about the keyboard player for Bon Jovi having a Broadway show and getting nominated for some Tony Awards.
Robin read about a woman who woke up being groped by a doctor after she was drugged with a date rape drug. Robin said the woman woke up to the guy kissing and groping her. Robin said they say she doesn't know how she got to the hospital. The woman later taped the doctor admitting what he did and then asking her to go out on a date. Robin said the doctor was suspended with pay. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read that Jesse James got some big ratings for Nightline the other night. They had 7 million viewers that night. Howard said that they should give him his own show.
Robin said there's a woman who is suing a football player and she's claiming that she got pregnant by this guy and he won't talk to her now. Howard said some of these guys must get nuts in bed and not use condoms or something. Howard said when he was single he made sure to use one. He didn't want to get anyone knocked up. Howard said he doesn't follow the logic there. Howard said guys claim they can't get hard with a condom on. He said they should check their sexuality if that's the case. He said he can finish in seconds even with a condom on.
Robin said that a weight loss drug is being recalled because it has been found to cause liver damage and possibly some deaths. Robin said they're going to still sell it though. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about the vote to allow gays in the Military coming today. Howard said he doesn't get why it's a problem to have gays in the military. They spent a few minutes going over that.
Robin had some other news about what people find to be morally wrong like cheating on your spouse and things like that. Howard said of course that's wrong. He said you're lying to your partner. Robin said 92 percent of people believe that is wrong. Howard said he'd like to meet the other 8 percent.
Robin read that Sandra Bullock is getting an award next month so she's going to be appearing at that show. Howard said she has to work herself back into the public eye slowly. He wondered if she's going to say anything about Jesse in her speech. He said she'll probably talk about her adopted son instead.
Howard took a call from Wheels who said Beth's show is coming up next week. He wondered if she's excited. Howard said she's kind of down playing it. She's just a judge on this show. Howard said the premise of the show is kind of funny. He said it's downright bizarre. He said they tell these kids they're going to be in a beauty pageant and they all get judged on secret cameras instead. Howard said they show the people what they did and they just walked out of the room and said ''fuck you.'' He said Beth said it was crazy and thought it was insane.
Wheels asked Howard if he watched the Biggest Loser finale. Howard said he gave up on the show. He said it's a lot of stuff to watch and he can't sit through it and see these fat people get thin and say ugly. Howard said there are some chicks who are good looking when they get thin but some get uglier when they get thin. He said he wants to see some girl become a swan.
Ralph called in and said he knows two people who saw Beth's show and said she's really good on it. Howard said she's just a judge. Ralph said Simon is just a judge too. Howard wondered how they saw it. Ralph said it's out there as a preview in the industry.
Ralph said Brooke Burke was looking very odd on Dancing with the Stars the other night. He said she doesn't look that hot. Howard said she's not a very good announcer either but she's got big titties so who cares.
Howard asked Ralph what time he's coming over. Howard said he wanted to fuck around with his iPad today. Ralph said he'll call him after the show. Howard said now that he spoke to him he's thinking he doesn't want to see him today. He said this was enough. Howard said Beth is coming home today so maybe she'll want to have sex with him. He said he'll try rubbing up against her and see what happens.
Robin had some Sex and the City 2 audio clips for Howard to play. She had some Kristin Davis audio clips that they went through. Howard said he read a story about her and some guy that she had allegedly banged and the guy was bad mouthing her. Howard said that if a girl gave him a good time he would respect that and not squeal on her. Gary said he saw that and one time in the middle of the day she wanted to have sex on a balcony. The guy is also shopping around nude pictures of her. They wrapped up and ended the show around 11:00am.
Jon asked if Howard would be let into a synagogue even during the high holidays. Benjy said that they'll let you in pretty much any time.
Gary said that he has no clue what it's about. Jon said he thinks that Howard will reveal it eventually. They also talked about Howard's praying to St. Anthony and thinking it actually works. Jon asked Gary if he prays. Gary said ''never.'' He said he was religious as a kid but he was turned off. He said he just stopped believing and when his brother got sick he thought about going to church but he just didn't go.
Gary said he has no faith and doesn't believe in that. He said he's not trying to be a nay sayer but he doesn't believe it so he doesn't go to church.
Gary asked Benjy if he thinks he's religious. Benjy said he doesn't really consider himself religious but he does think about what started the universe and how amazing that is so there has to be something to it. Benjy was getting into that a little too much so Gary said they were getting too deep into that.
Benjy said he knows Howard doesn't want to say who or what it's about but he's guessing it might be a personal relationship with someone in his family or something. He said it might be a decision that someone in the family made that he doesn't want them to do. Jon said he thinks that it might be about someone or something that he's doing this for. Gary said he thinks it has to do with Howard. He said maybe he's praying that his daughter moves closer to home.
Jon took a call from a guy who agreed with Gary about Howard's daughter moving closer. The guy said there is a way that you pray that you have a better chance of having them answered than doing it any other way. He said it has to do with your faith and giving yourself over to God and trust that he will answer your prayers. Gary said he wishes that Fred were there to play some spooky music for this guy.
Gary said that there's a character in a book that he and John just read where this girl was known for having her prayers answered. They said that this guy might be on to something. They spent a few more minutes going over that with the caller.
Jon asked Sal about the consensual thing. Sal said he likes a woman who enjoys that kind of stuff and isn't being forced into it.
Jon asked Sal if he prays. Sal said that he does pray for those who have passed on. He said that when you move on to another world and people pray for you then you're treated better in this other world. Sal said that's what he believes in. Sal said he has a long list of people he prays for. He said that the last person on the list is Chris Kanyon and he has Blue Iris on there too. He said that sometimes he forgets people and he has to apologize in later prayers.
Jon asked Sal to say some of his prayers and give them an example. Sal said there was a guy Barry who used to flirt with his wife. That guy passed away. He said that he was a decent person but he didn't appreciate him hitting on his wife. He said he prayed for that guy. Sal said that death doesn't equate to flirting with his wife. He said he still asked God to enlighten that person. Sal said that he felt bad for his family. He said it was more in thought than speaking out loud.
Sal said he prays at night and it takes maybe 6-7 minutes. Sal said he will pray while his wife is watching Oprah or something. Jon said that 7 minutes is a long time. Sal said he believes that you shouldn't pray to god for your own existence. He said that's what he believes. He said that he'd rather pray for people who are in his life. He thinks that if you pray for other people then it's looked at as those people doing good for you.
Sal said he's never prayed for something for himself. He said he did have a book of chants that he used to use to get a kid to stop beating him up. He said he did that and after the chants happened he used to hear the kid coming toward him in the hall so maybe it helped. Sal said he knows that this sounds crazy. Jon told him that he doesn't sound crazy at all.
Jon asked Sal if he would pray for that kid that bothered him in school. His name was Sewer Rat. Sal said he wasn't a good person so he wouldn't pray for him.
Jon asked Sal about the list of porn categories that Howard went over. Jon asked if Sal about the inappropriate joke he said to Howard this morning about adopting a black kid off the streets there. Sal said that he didn't mean it in the way it came out. Gary said he calls bullshit on that. Benjy asked what was offensive about what he said. Sal had said ''those people'' when he said it so it sounded like a joke. Sal said he didn't mean it in a racist way. Sal said he has a ton of black kids who play in his back yard. He has a black family in his neighborhood and they're wonderful people. He said they're great kids. Gary made an announcement about how Sal now knows black people and everyone should know.
Sal said this is just the way he talks. Gary told Jon to handle that. Jon said he can't even handle that. Sal continued to dig his hole deeper an deeper. He was talking about how Madonna goes over and picks out the black kid she wants. He said he wants to pick that kid out for her. He said that these kids are not accessories and they shouldn't be treated that way.
Gary said he was at a concert a few weeks ago and Smokey Robinson was there. Gary said there was a black woman in the audience and someone said that it was Smokey Robinson's sister sitting there. The guy had made the call just because she was the only other black person in the front row.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Sal would have a problem with his son dating a black woman. Sal said he wouldn't. He said he's had some fun with black women himself. Sal said he hopes they don't grow up gay but he'd be okay with that too. Gary asked if he was gay and dated a black dude. Sal said that's pretty heavy.
Gary said that DePace thinks that he would have a problem with it even when he says he wouldn't. Gary said he thinks that being gay isn't as hard as it used to be. He said that the country's perception has changed and it's not as bad as it used to be. Sal said it is going to be tough if one of the kids came out. Gary said that they have a gay organization at the high school his son goes to. He said when he was growing up they would have just beat up the gay kids.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they cringe when Howard says Beth is going away for a week. Gary said he hasn't really noticed it that much. He said it sounded like Howard had a good time yesterday without Beth. The caller said that everything sucks whenever Beth is away. Gary said he'll have to keep a better eye on it but he doesn't think that's the way it is. They had to go to break after that.
Jon asked what Pete was doing there. Gary said he was mainly there to be on the air once in a while but he did try to keep him busy doing things.
Jon asked Pete if he had a good time being there. Pete said he did. Jon asked how he's holding up. Pete said he's a little broken up. Jon asked if he got close to anyone like Ronnie. Pete said he and Ronnie did develop a special bond.
Jon asked if Pete met with Gary to say goodbye. He said they did that after the show. Gary said he had a few minutes alone with Pete. Gary said he told Pete to stay in touch. He said that one thing that Pete doesn't know is when to leave a room. He tried to give him hints so he just shook his hand and he still didn't know when to leave. Gary said he was doing everything he could to give him a hint.
Jon asked Pete if he realizes that he doesn't know when to leave. Pete said he gets caught up in the moment. He said he may not know when to leave.
Jon asked Pete about wandering around there and going up to the corporate offices in the floor above. Pete said he does that and he's just doing that to catch up. He was laughing at himself but it wasn't clear why. Pete said he's just putting his hand out there and saying ''what's up?'' Pete said people treat him pretty well there. He said most people were able to deal with his quirkiness. Gary asked Pete if he knows he has those or do people have to tell him. Pete said that he knows it but people do tell him.
Pete said he's just going about his daily routine. He said that it comes across as awkward to some people. Shuli came in and said he has driven with Pete to a couple of gigs and he's not aware of it. Shuli said Pete got out of the car and there were napkins and soda cans on the floor. He said he's just out of control sometimes and he may not be aware of it.
Gary said he gave Pete his business card and he kept flipping it over and over as he held it. That's what he does with anything he puts in his hand.
Jon asked about what JD said about Pete. Pete said he didn't get any vibe like that off of JD. Gary said Pete may have trouble reading vibes off of people. He said that he may not know when people don't want him around. Pete said he can pick up on that pretty good actually. Sal asked him why he hadn't yet then. He said he was just joking.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Pete what he's going to do with his fame now. Pete said he doesn't know. He said he'd like to do more shows with Shuli if the opportunities come up. The caller said he hopes Pete does well and wished him and the other guys the best.
Benjy asked Pete about his girlfriend and if he's afraid of losing her. Pete said he was afraid of losing her earlier on the show. Pete said that his girlfriend is real genuine toward him so he doesn't think that she's going to leave him. He said that he thinks she's totally into him. Pete said he was just rolling with it when Howard asked. Pete said she's really into him. Shuli said she was all over him at the comedy show.
Jon took a call from a woman, Lilly, who said that she thinks that they're all very employable and she's not sure why they think that Howard wouldn't look out for them. She said she thinks that it's ridiculous for them to think that Howard isn't going to think about them too when he decides on what he's going to do. Jon asked Lilly what she thinks Howard is praying for. She said that first of all St. Anthony is the saint of pregnant women. Gary said that's not what he found on the internet.
Lilly said she thinks that Howard is praying because Beth wants a child. She thinks that Howard is going to pray that she changes her mind. Lilly said she's surprised that Beth doesn't want to have a child with her maternal instincts.
Lilly said she doesn't understand why they think they can't get jobs. Gary said it's not that, it's more about if they can find a job that they want. Shuli said that it's about finding something that they love doing like they have there. Gary said he would rather have some choices and not have to take the first job that's offered to him. Lilly even thinks that Pete would be employable... on a volunteer basis.
Gary said he thinks that JD is very good at pulling clips for the show. He said he's a producer / writer for the show. He said JD isn't even his own biggest fan so he worries about him going out and getting the job he deserves. He said that he may not be able to get that across to people in an interview. Jon said he thinks that JD has some unbelievable experience but those jobs are very limited out there.
Jon asked if Sal thinks he's employable. Sal said he has such tunnel vision for the show that he can't even fathom working for anyone else. Sal said he would love to write for Jimmy Kimmel if he had to get out of there. Gary said he has the feeling Jimmy is going to get a lot of calls if this show ends.
Sal said he thinks that if he would fit in anywhere it would be on Jimmy's show. He said he's very unorthodox with what he does on his show. Sal said he has no idea what he's going to do when he leaves.
Shuli said he would love to see when Sal is getting shoved into the elevator being kicked out for jerking off in his office.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Pete who he's going to misses the most and least on the show. Pete said that was putting him on the spot. Gary said he can't get in trouble over this. Pete said it's probably Ronnie. Teddy gave him the answer. Jon asked what the hell he was doing. they asked Pete again who he would miss most. Pete said it was the big man, Howard, for giving him a little platform. Pete said the least missed would be a tough one. Jon said they only had a minute and a half left. Pete said that maybe Lisa G would be the least missed but she had just walked by the window and Gary pointed her out.
A caller asked if Pete cried in his meeting. Pete said he almost did. Gary didn't see that. He had no idea. Benjy said he does seem sad. Pete said it is sad and it's expected. Gary said he had an intern who was a pain in the ass to work with and he left on bad terms. He ran into the kid recently and the kid told him he acted like an idiot and he regrets that. Jon asked Pete when he last cried. Pete didn't know. They had to end the show so everyone got their plugs in. Pete didn't have much of anything to say as they ended the show.
Jon changed subjects and brought up Sal's porn categories. He had a clip from the show where Sal and Howard were talking about the submission stuff and Sal said it had to be consensual.
After the break Jon mentioned that Medicated Pete was joining them. He knows that Pete is sad to go too. Gary said it's a lot of pressure for him because a lot of the interns want to keep in touch. He said he knows they're looking for jobs and he knows what that can be like. Gary said they have 15 interns a semester and they can't give them all jobs. They do keep them in mind for the future though.
This week's Best of the Week was over around 11:50am.