|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about how he saw that Jackass 3D made $50 million at the box office. Bam Margera will be coming in to talk about that.
Howard said he happened to watch one of the Housewives of Beverly Hills with Kelsey Grammer's ex-wife Camille in it. Howard said it might be the greatest show ever. He said it's one big train wreck. He said this is the one to watch. He said that everyone has plastic surgery like crazy and they all have lips and one woman has bubbles sticking out of her head from botox injections. Howard said Camille is marred in the beginning but then Kelsey gets in a car and leaves her alone for a year. Howard said the display of wealth and the way these people flaunt it is maddening.
Howard said that Camille says she's the force behind Kelsey and takes credit for that. Howard said she used to be an MTV dancer before she met Kelsey. Howard said the Malouf's have a daughter who gets everyone on a jet and she has everyone come out to watch a game. Howard said they go to this game and the wealth is staggering. He said Camille has 2 kids and 4 full time nannies. Howard said you learn she gave birth through a surrogate too. Howard said it's really a great show.
Howard said there's also a new show called Rock and Roll Camp and he kind of liked that. He said he's not sure what the point of the show is. He said it was kind of weird and he's not sure if he'd watch it again. He said he probably will.
Howard said he was watching that show and didn't recognize many of the teachers there. He said Michael Anthony from Van Halen is going to be there. He said he also recognized Kip Winger. Other than that he didn't know anyone. Howard said he is watching that show though. Howard said he also watched Smallville. He said he is frustrated with the show. He's never Superman and he's not a kid anymore. Robin said that Lois Lane is looking older now too. She said she doesn't look like a young woman anymore. Howard said she looks 35 and she may be every bit of that 35. Howard said he did watch the show though.
Howard said he watched ''Love Story'' over the weekend too. Robin said she's never seen the whole thing. Howard said he and Beth liked it. He said they call each other Oliver and Jennifer after watching the movie. Howard said you do that with your wife and you get laid. He said that's all it takes. He said that Robin must like doing stuff with her man too. Robin said that's not the kind of movie she'd want to watch. Howard said Beth had never seen the movie so he watched it with her and got laid.
Howard said he feels really bad for David Arquette. Howard said everyone who heard the show knows the spirit in which he called in but these gossip shows are just blasting the guy. Howard said he really got the shaft. He said all of these shows are bad. He said he'd like to know what happened to Jane Velez Mitchell. He said she used to do a real show but it doesn't appear to be a real show anymore. Howard played a clip from her show where she talked about what went on with David. They played a clip of his interview with Howard and read his follow up Twitter post. They picked him apart over all of that stuff. They said it was too much.
Howard said these people are idiots. Howard said the guy finally said something and gave the answer about what he was up to and then they say it was too much. Howard said the guy mentioned sex and they get upset about it. Howard said you'd think that sex was a bad thing hearing this.
Howard played a clip of Kathie Lee and her co-host Hoda talking about that story too. Howard said they were saying he got ''universal disdain'' from that interview but Howard said that's just not true. Howard said he's got universal disdain from women like this who didn't hear the interview. Howard let that clip play through some more and complained about their idiotic comments. He said it's just a bunch of bullshit.
Howard said this guy Tony Potts on Access Hollywood was calling David an idiot. Howard played that clip too. The guy was saying it was an idiotic move to go on Howard's show.
Howard played another clip of a show talking about the interview and talking about how sad it was that he did the interview. They were saying that it was too much information. Howard said Courteney was okay with the interview and they think she didn't know he was going to do it.
Howard read an article about the interview where the author talked about how Courteney became famous and how he didn't care what her history was. He also said he didn't care that the had broken up. The guy said that he heard David on the Howard Stern show talking about the break up and how little interest he had in that. The guy said that David wanted to get the truth out there and he went on Howard Stern to do it. That's what he did. The guy said that he was being brutally honest on the show.
Howard said the guy is right. He goes on and on and on but he says they have to give Howard Stern credit but there would be no story without David Arquette. The author said that it was a roller coaster of a story and you can't get that kind of honest anywhere else except with your buddies in a bar somewhere. The guy thought the interview was a good one and worth listening to.
Howard thanked the guy for the compliments. Howard said that the guy hit it on the head and David was very honest. He may not have said everything in the right vain but it was sincere and honest. Howard said that's what women are screaming they want from men. That's what Kathie Lee wanted from Frank. Howard said that's what women want from a guy and now women are going to want that from David Arquette because he is honest.
Gary came in and said that Sal and Richard did a Jack and Rod Show bit with Blue Iris playing Barbara Billingsly talking to an author. He said it never got played on the air. Howard took Gary's suggestion and played the clip even though he had never played it before. In the clip they had Blue talking about how she used to suck cock and balls on the show. The author on the phone said she didn't want to be in on the conversation anymore. Blue told the author time after time that she did something with the guys on the show until she hung up.
Howard had a clip from ''Airplane'' where Barbara speaks fluent jive during the flight. She had to translate for the flight attendant who couldn't understand the black guy she was talking to.
Howard said Joy and Whoopi got into an argument with Bill and they stood up and walked off their own show. Barbara Walters says that was absurd behavior. Howard said she was right. Howard said you can't walk off your own show. Howard said Jay Leno did that to him one year. Howard said he's talked to other broadcasters about that and they all agreed that it was wrong to walk off like that. Howard said that O'Reilly said he was offended by the Mosque being built and he said that Muslims killed us on 9/11 and Whoopi went off on him telling him to apologize. Howard said Whoopi has shown some moronic views on that show. He said he's got nothing against her but she's not the brightest bulb. He said she makes some really moronic statements.
Howard said that O'Reilly said he was sorry when Whoopi and Joy came back. He said that Bill was just saying that it was Muslims that attacked us and they didn't think that was right to say. Howard said Bill didn't say anything wrong. He gave his opinion and they walked off their own show. Howard said that's just weird behavior. Howard said he didn't say anything controversial. Howard said that O'Reilly just stated a fact. Howard said the whole thing was unbelievable.
Howard said he watched the clip and it was bizarre. Howard had some of the audio from the show where they were yelling and screaming and carrying on. Howard said he felt bad for Bill O'Reilly going on the show and being treated like that. Howard said it was retarded.
Howard played the clip and O'Reilly was talking to the women about the mosque when he brought up the Muslim thing. He said that they killed us on 9/11. He didn't say ''all Muslims'' he just said that Muslims killed us on 9/11. The women all freaked out and then Whoopi and Joy walked off. The audience applauded them when they walked off. Howard said he thinks they were pleased that they had no show to watch. Then Barbara Walters says that no one should walk off.
Howard said that someone was telling him that Barbara should have had their backs but she was right saying you don't walk off your own show. Howard said you just don't do that. He played more of the audio and Barbara said that you can't take a whole religion and demean them. Bill said that's not what he was doing. He wasn't saying it was the whole religion. Howard said he's not sure why people are so offended. Howard said they shouldn't have invited him on if they didn't want his opinion.
Gary said he got an article from Jon Hein and they're saying that they could ruin their own culture by limiting all of this stuff. Gary said he just got a Blackberry Torch and it's a touch screen phone. He said it's not as good as the iPhone but it is pretty cool.
Howard said he can't figure out this guy Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones. He said he wrote a book and he says some horrible things about Mick Jagger in the book. Howard said the guy has to be insane to do something like that. Howard said he talks about what Mick was like in the 1980s and things like that and he
Howard read a review of the book where the guy talks about some of the crazy stuff Keith talks about in the book. He bad mouths Jagger and talks about some of the things that made him crazy. He claims he hasn't been to his dressing room in 20 years.
Howard and Robin said they would be a little more respectful of someone like that if they had to be on the road with him.
Howard said he was reading about Christina Aguilera and how she may have had an open marriage and that she would bring girls home with her. Howard read some of the details about that from a RadarOnline.com article. Howard said that sounds pretty hot to him. Howard said he still thinks that Lesbianism brings the ratings. he's been saying that for years now.
Robin said she read that Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore may have had an open marriage too. Howard said he didn't get that from them when he hung out with them. Howard said he doesn't know though. Howard said he thought they were really tight.
Howard read some shocking news. He said that Jay Leno's 10 o'clock show had better ratings than NBC's current line up. He said the show ''Outlaw'' had lower ratings than Jay's show did at 10. Howard found that to be kind of shocking. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and had Bam Margera and Brandon Novak come in. Bam talked about how he punches Novak in the face in the Jackass movie. They do that in slow motion so you can see the way his face reacts to it.
Novak said that he has jerked Bam off in front of people in a local bar just to piss people off. Bam said he's lying about actually jerking off. He said that he will come running out of the bathroom with Novak chasing him with his shirt off. He said they like to freak people out like that.
Howard said it is funny to do gay stuff. He said he's not sure why but it is funnier. Bam said it is always funnier if you do it half naked or naked.
Howard asked Bam if they got updates all weekend about the box office for the movie this weekend. Bam said he was getting updates all weekend. He said that he had his publicist calling him. He said he was on the plane and had his phone crushed on the flight so he can't get a hold of anyone right now.
Howard said they must be shocked that the movie made $50 million this weekend. Bam said he's seen the movie like 50 times already and he still wants to see it more. He said he could watch it over and over.
Howard said he read that Bam broke his clavicle, ribs and a kneecap. Bam said he broke his foot too. Bam said that was about 5 months ago. Howard said he broke his toe and it's awful and he's not sure how these guys can deal with it. Howard asked if he'll put a cast on a broken foot. Bam said that he got all of those injuries and only one of the stunts made it into the movie. He said the rest of them will be in 3.5 when it comes out in January.
Novak said he had some injuries and he ended up getting sent to jail for some warrants. He said he could do 30 days to 30 months in jail. Bam said he forged some doctor's signature or something. Novak said he really shouldn't talk about this stuff. Howard asked him about his trouble with prescription meds. Novak said he got off of Heroin but he got the pills and it all started over again. He said he broke his ankles and he got the pain pills.
Bam told Howard how he built this ramp that's got a 15 foot drop off if you don't do it right. He said that he landed in a way that broke both ankles. Novak said that they told him to take 4 Ibuprofin and that's a waste of his saliva. He said he wasn't able to walk and it was a day before a wedding so he ended up in a wheelchair before the wedding.
Howard asked the guys how they get through the movie with these injuries. They just have to go and do it or they have to sit on the side as the peanut gallery.
Bam told Howard a story about going to do a stunt and how Novak had asked this girl he just met to go and ''bang it out'' with him. They picked the top of the bleachers and everyone was watching. They had a security guard came up and told them to stop. Novak said that he was doing the girl and this 80 year old came up and told him to stop. The guy picked the girl up off of him and he came as he did that so he came on the guy's arm and a little on the girl. Bam said he got thrown out of there head first. He said that Novak was telling him that he was under contract and he couldn't throw him out of there.
Howard said that sounds like a scene that should have been in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Novak said he told the guy to give him 10 seconds. If he had done that then he would have been fine.
Howard asked Novak if he got any pay from Jackass 3D. He said they pay the best. He said that his money goes right to his lawyer to keep him out of jail though. Howard asked if he's going to jail or not. Novak said he will find out on the 26th. He said it could be 30 days to 30 months.
Bam told Howard that Novak's clothes were all his. He said he didn't even ask to borrow them. Howard asked if he wants a lifestyle where he has to depend on everyone else. Novak said he has a life and he has a girlfriend who is out in the green room.
Novak said he had a guy in his hotel room jerking off last night. Howard said he really has to meet his girlfriend. He had Gary bring her in there. He said she's got a great ass.
Howard said hello to Apple who said she's been with Novak for about 8 months now. Howard said she seems so normal and he found that odd. Apple said they met in a bar one night. She said she knows who he is and she's okay with him being with other girls. Howard asked if she's allowed to be with other guys. Novak said ''no fuckin' way'' to that.
Howard asked Apple if her parents are mortified. She said they're actually happy. She said they like Novak. Howard said he'd like to meet them too. Howard said he finds Novak charming but it must be difficult to be in a relationship with him. Bam said he's like a gypsy. Howard asked if she's in love with him. She said they are in love. Novak said things might change if he has to go to jail.
Novak said he'd let Bam bang Apple if he's in jail. Howard asked Apple if she would bang Bam. She said she didn't know. Bam said he'd do her if Novak wanted him to. Novak said that Bam will fuck anything. He said he wanted to fuck Bam's Lamborghini and film it. Howard said he's seen video like that before where guys fuck their cars.
Howard said it was nice meeting Apple. Novak was saying that he had a guy in his room last night jerking off and he was all creeped out by that. Howard said it sounds like they have a wild life going on. Howard asked about their sex life. Novak said he had like 25 bloody Mary's last night so it wasn't all that great. Bam said he spent $1,500 at the hotel on those bloody Mary's.
Bam told Howard that he got a call from someone saying he had a van on fire at his house. He said he called his dad to go check it out and he was right. He said that they caught it on one of the security cams and it was Novak who had kicked over a gas can with a cigarette in his hand. He set fire to the gas and didn't know it. 10 minutes later the van was up in flames. Howard asked if he gets mad about that. Bam said he can't get mad because it's such a funny story. He said Novak owes him 10 grand now but the story was great.
Howard said he worries about Novak because he's going to get older and he'll have nothing going on. He said he must be worried about that. Novak said he does Bam's show so he has that pay and he wrote a book that he gets residuals on and he gets residuals on the Jackass movies. He said there is hope at the end of the tunnel.
Howard asked Novak why he has a tattoo on his neck that says ''Die Antwoord.'' Bam had just done it last night. Bam explained that whole thing to Howard.
Howard asked Bam if he'll see money from Jackass. Bam said he will, big time. He said that a bunch of them will get big money from it. Bam said his manager handles all of that and he knows what Johnny gets but he doesn't talk about that. Howard said it seems like it's him, Johnny and Steve-O who get the most. Bam said it's him, Johnny and Tremane who get the most.
Howard said he heard about a bit they did where they put a camera on his penis and they show him peeing on people. Bam said he peed on the cast and crew and on some other people. He said he knew something was going to come to him. He knew something awful was going to come his way. The next thing he knew he fell into a pit of snakes and he wasn't able to get out. That's his worst nightmare because he hates snakes. Bam said that he can't tell them what he's afraid of because they'll do a stunt like that to him.
Howard said he heard about some of the stunts they do and how they could die from doing them. Bam said he wants to do stunts he's in control of and not do the stuff like Johnny Knoxville does.
Howard asked Bam what he did in the movie that was crazy. He said he did a skate board stunt where he crashes into 4 pieces of dry wall. He said that's how he broke his ribs. Howard said he doesn't understand how he functions with that kind of stuff happening to him. Bam said he loves everyone laughing their ass off at his stunts. He said his bones will heal.
Howard said he heard that Bam glues his hand to his father's chest with crazy glue. Bam said he did that and he kept his hand on for like 2 minutes. He said he had his father's hair all over his hand after that. Bam said he doesn't think any skin came off. He said that Wee Man did have some skin come off when he was glued to Preston in the 69 position though.
Bam told Howard that Steve-O wants to get back at him for breaking his nose in one of their stunts. He said Steve-O was all happy that someone hit him with a baseball bat at his bar. Howard asked what happened there. Bam said that he told this woman that she was nuts for moving to West Chester, Pennsylvania because it's a college town. He said that he owns this bar and this woman hit him with a baseball bat when he least expected it and now he's afraid to press charges because she has cousins and family around the town who are threatening him. He said that he's not sure what they'll do to him. He said he avoided his bar for 3 weeks. Then he went back and heard a woman standing outside on her phone saying ''Yeah, he's here... 20 minutes... okay'' so he got the hell out of there.
Howard asked what happened with Bam and his wife. Bam said that things are going great now. They're seeing each other like once a week now and it's much more fun. He said he's not sure what's really going on but they have sex when they get together. Howard asked if she's having sex with other people. She said that she did with one person. Bam said he has a couple of girlfriend's. He said he has one with her today. He claims he doesn't have sex with her but Howard said he must be having sex with her. Bam said no. Her name is Julia. Bam said he just kisses her. Novak was just laughing. He said he's going to be neutral and not say anything.
Howard had the guys bring in this girl Julia. She came in so Howard asked if she's his girlfriend or not. Julia said they're just friends. Howard asked if she's ever had intercourse with Bam. She wasn't talking and Bam and Novak were just laughing. Howard said he could see he wasn't going to get any information out of her so he let her go.
Bam said that when he got married his wife, Missy, told him that he had to grow up. He said he gets paid not to grow up so he couldn't change.
Howard said he has no idea what either of these guys are up to. Novak said he'd like some help from Howard. He wanted to take Robin out to lunch. Novak said he wants some letters to give to the judge too. Howard said he's not going to do that. Howard said he's going to write ''Lock him up!'' if he writes anything. He said that Novak seems so casual about this but he must be freaking out. Novak said he's the cleanest he's ever been and he's doing better than he's done in a long time. He said things are going good.
Howard asked if Bam is tickled that he's going to jail. Bam said he's going to have time to write his new book in there. Bam said he went to a homo thug bar last night just so he had a cool story. He said he wanted to see the homos who look like they're really tough. Bam said he went to the bathroom there and when he was done he just said ''Well, it looks like yours is bigger than mine...'' and walked away. Bam said he just wanted to chill and find out what that whole thing was about.
Howard gave Bam some plugs for the ''Jackass 3D'' movie. He said they have a 3.5 movie coming out and that will be out on DVD. He said they may shoot a few more bits for that movie too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jackass 3D was the shit. He asked if they're going to do more shows for MTV. Bam said he's doing something for Spike TV soon. They talked about some of the stuff they'll be doing on that show.
Bam told Howard some of the stuff he's done with stun guns are the worst ever. He said he doesn't look forward to that stuff but he knows that it makes people laugh. Novak said if he was doing that and knew that 50 million was going to show up he'd suck anyone off. He said he'd even suck off Osama bin Laden for that kind of money.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that there's allegedly a sex tape with Bam and Opie's wife from Opie and Anthony. Bam said that's bullshit. The caller asked Bam about something else but no one knew what he was talking about so Howard let him go.
Novak told Howard a story about how he went to a class one day to hang out and the class was about addition of all things. He said he was taking notes and trying to get into this shit. He said that they were saying that you can only die from PCP and something else. He said he raised his hand and told the guy he was a lying idiot. He told him what he had been through and how you can die from alcohol detoxing and benzo detoxing. He said he knew he was right about that stuff and the guy was wrong. He said ''fuck college'' and said that people should follow his lead.
Howard went over what they learned today. He said they learned about Novak cumming on the security guard's arm and how Bam's wife is out there somewhere but not at Bam's house. Howard said they learned about the pain killers that Novak was taking and how he fell off the wagon. Novak said that they've told him they can't give him probation with the rap sheet he has.
Bam said Novak was in The World's Stupidest Criminals show. He said that he stole $13,000 from his girlfriend's boyfriend who was a weed dealer. Then the guy put a hit out on Novak. Novak went to Colorado and threw a brick through a window to break in and steal more money. He ended up going back to the place he broke into and fell asleep. He told the cops he was in his own bed while he was sleeping in this gas station. The cops arrested him.
Novak told Howard how he was locked up in this country jail and he swiped a bottle of pills from a desk and he took them in the bathroom. He shoved the bottle in his ass and they ended up making him squat down and cough so all of the pills came out of his ass. The three days in jail turned into even more time. Howard said Bam is looking at Novak like he's in love. Bam said if he had a pussy he'd fuck him. Novak said they should get married on Howard's show.
Howard asked if they really know each other well. He said he has the feeling they don't. Novak said they're really close and they have serious conversations at times. Bam said Novak is able to get girls and he approaches them in a different way than most people do. He said that he'll just tell the girls he's broke but he'll say that he can offer them company. Novak said he's going to name his book ''You Can't Do That Here'' because he always hears that when he's out somewhere. He said he hears that from Bam a lot. Bam said that it's like hanging out with a kid all the time. Robin said when Bam knows the rules better than you, you know there's trouble.
Bobo called in and said that Steve-O was great on Howard TV. The Howard TV guys had the video of Steve doing his stunt where he set himself on fire. Bobo asked how the smell was in there. Howard said it was like burning flesh in there.
Novak had Bam flip a coin to figure out if he was going to some thing that Bam was going to. Bam flipped the coin and it came up tails so Novak isn't going. Novak said Bam's trip is going to be boring then.
Bam told Howard that Novak's father tried to change his name to Jerome when was like 5 years old. Novak said his father just died and he's not upset about that. He said he was a crack head. He ended up burning down his house and had some heart problems and died. Novak said he loves his mom. He said she raised a winner.
Howard asked Novak if he would have sex with his mother if he was offered enough money. Novak said he actually did try to fuck her once. He told the story that he told on the show the last time he was on. Novak said he was on drugs at the time and they were trying to get him off of drugs. He said someone had to watch him the whole time and his mom had him sleeping in her bed. He said he ended up trying to touch her leg and inner thigh. She yelled at him to stop. He said he wouldn't fuck his mom for any amount of money. He said she's been there for him through all of this stuff. Howard and Bam asked him if he would bang her for a billion. Novak said that she'd have to agree to it because he can't rape her. Howard bailed on that discussion since it was getting creepy.
Howard told the guys that it was very exciting that they're in the number one movie in America. He said it must be great. Novak told Howard to tell Bam to take him to L.A. Bam told him he'd take him so Novak said ''Sorry Apple!'' He said he's going to try to get Bam to buy him and his girlfriend tickets to England and he'll get into the mile high club. Howard asked if he can really fly to L.A. with the whole court case thing going on. Novak said he can travel abroad no problem.
Novak told Howard that his girlfriend gave him two pumps before he came in there. He said he was still wet from that because he doesn't wear underwear. Howard had to wrap up and go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Brian Phelan was talking about going to see Roger Waters doing the whole ''The Wall'' album in concert. Howard said when the band broke up Roger and David Gilmore split up the songs and Roger gets to do The Wall on his own. Howard said he heard a good cover version of the Kings of Leon song ''Use Somebody'' by this guy Tyrone Wells that he liked. Howard said Steve Brandano turned him on to this song. He played the song and said the guy has a nice voice. He said he had never heard the guy before but he has a good voice. Howard said he could win American Idol. Robin said the whole point of the song is the delivery and this doesn't work. She said it makes it sound like a love song. She said this song is all about presentation. She said he should use that voice to sing something else. Howard said that bums him out. He thanked her for that.
Howard spent a minute talking to Brian Phelan about The Wall show. Brian told Howard they build a wall during the show and they break it down at the end. Brian said the first half they build it up and then they tear it down in the second half. He said it has to be one of the best shows he's ever seen in his life. Brian said the wall becomes a big monitor and they show images of what's going on out there. He said you have to see it to get the full effect.
Brian told Howard about some of the show and how unbelievable it is. He said he really has to see it. Howard said he was hanging with Roger Waters and his son so he heard about the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he liked the Bam interview. He said they're entertaining but there's only so much you can take. He said that he's had like 3 guys in 3 days from the Jackass movie. Howard said he didn't understand how you can love an interview but be sick of it too.
Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about how wacky Novak was. Robin said that Bam is cute. She said that Novak is way out there.
Nick said he used to hang out with Greg at clubs and they were very friendly. Howard said it has to be hard being a comedian. Howard said he walked away from something that could have led to making millions. Nick said that Greg hated that though so he admires him for walking away from it. Nick said the guy didn't have a minute to himself because he had to take care of his kids after being out on the road.
Howard asked Nick about what happened to Greg and if he was clean or not. Nick said he's not a good judge of that. Howard said he wasn't very good at it either because he believed Artie when he said that he was clean. He said he'd fall asleep during the show and he had no idea he was on drugs. Nick said he's the same way.
Howard asked Nick if he went to the funeral for Greg. Nick said he did. He said it was way out on Long Island. He said that he was from Queens so it should have been out there. Nick said it really did suck going to that funeral. He said the kids were running around and it was rough.
Nick said that Colin Quinn killed at the wake the night before. Howard asked if he's jealous of Quinn having the show on Broadway. Nick said he's not because he's not gay. Nick said that Colin's show is so good though. He said it really is a great show.
Howard asked Nick if he's an angry man because he wants a radio career. Nick said he was hoping Howard would step up for him. Howard said Nick tried to do a show on K-Rock after he left. Nick said he did that while the company was hemorrhaging money. Howard told Nick he could go on some shithole radio station and do it. Nick said he makes a good living and you can do radio from anywhere. He said he doesn't want to go to some shithole in Detroit to do a show.
Howard told Nick you can't just go on and do a show. He said you have to build up that career. Howard said Nick must be conservative. Nicks said he's more of a Libertarian. Nick said he doesn't like Obama and they want to give him his own holiday. Nick said the guy hasn't even been shot yet. Howard and Nick spent a minute talking about Obama and the way the government is wasting money. They talked about this Carl Paladino guy who Nick seemed to be behind. He said that he's not for this Cuomo guy. Howard said that Paladino is a hypocrite though and he's all over the place sounding like a lunatic. Nick said that's what they need there. Howard and Nick talked about some other guys who are running and what they think of them.
Howard asked Nick if he's supporting Christine O'Donnell. Nick said he likes her because she hasn't been to Washington DC. Nick said that's why he likes Paladino too. He said that he'd like to see more old, crusty white guys in the running. Howard said that Nick doesn't seem to like Obama at all. Robin said she doesn't like what's going on in government at all. Nick said they have to stop saying he's the first black president. He said that Obama makes Bryant Gumble look like Flavor Flav.
Howard asked Nick what's going on with his career. Nick said they shouldn't bring the interview there. Howard gave Nick some plugs for his upcoming shows. He's shooting some stuff for a possible TV special on Saturday night. You can find dates at NickDip.com. Nick said he's doing an hour for both shows on Saturday night at Comix up at Foxwoods casino. He said he's there Thursday to Saturday but Saturday night is the night to come.
Howard asked Nick about the comedy clubs and if they're being affected by the economy. Nick said that they're really not. He said that people are depressed and they like to laugh.
Howard asked Nick if he has spoken to Artie. Nick said he sounds like he's just waking up whenever he talks to him. Nick said Artie told him about doing a show with him. He said that Artie sounded that way when he was healthy. He said he misses the guy and he wants him back. He said it's the people he loves who are having problems.
Howard asked Nick if he gets hit on at the shows. Nick said he still does. He said they're 55 year old Jewish guys though. Howard took a call from a guy who said that he loves ''Rick.'' He said he thinks that Greg Fitzsimmons is okay but he should give Nick a shot on his channel. Howard asked Nick if he'd like to do that. Nick said he'd like his own show.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Nick is a gifted word smith and when he says that Obama hasn't been shot, that's intentional. Nick explained to the guy that he was joking about how he hasn't been shot yet but they want to give him his own holiday. Nick said it's a joke. The caller said it's racist and it's almost and endorsement for shooting a black man. Nick told the nitwit to get off the phone. Nick said it's a joke.
Howard read that Nick has filled in for Dennis Miller a few times. Nick said he has done that a few times. Howard said he didn't know that Dennis became a conservative. Howard said he likes Dennis but Dennis has a problem with him.
Howard asked nick how it's going over there. Nick said he had a guy there who liked what he was doing but then he got fired from the company before he could give him a show.
Howard said that Louis CK said that Nick is too angry to have a good career. Nick said he's not that angry, is he? Robin said he really is. Howard said he must have had something happen to him in his life that makes him miserable. Nick said he's really not miserable. Howard asked how long he's been married. Nick said it's 7 years. They don't have any kids. Nick said they don't want to have kids now. He said they were looking to have them at one point but not anymore. He said it's a long story. He's not interested in adopting either. Nick said if it doesn't come from him then what's the point?
Howard asked Nick if the sex life is still strong. Nick said that things are okay. He said they don't still have sex enough for his wife. Nick said it's the opposite of most relationships. He said he has whacked off so much that he doesn't have anything left in there. Nick said he took some Cyalis while they were on vacation but it wasn't very manly to take a pill so he crushed it up, put it in a spoon and shot it up.
Nick said that he's cutting his cocaine with Plavix now that he's 48. He said he really did take that Cyalis stuff. He said he didn't know it stays in your system for 3 days. He said he was out on the beach talking to his wife with a boner while some kid was building a sand castle in the sand.
Howard said he thinks that Nick's wife is still hot. He said he'd have sex with his wife a lot more if he could. He said that it's his wife who turns him away. Howard said he's not as horny as he used to be. Nick said he's like 60-61 or something now. Howard asked why he's trying to age him, he's only 56. Howard told Nick to get the hell out of there. Howard said Greg Fitzsimmons told him he looks 34.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked him not to take Nick on as a performer because he's not that funny. Nick said that's an open minded broad right there. Howard joked that it was Nick's wife calling in.
Howard took another call from a guy who said Nick should sit in Artie's chair for a week. Another caller said that ''Tough Crowd'' was a great show on Comedy Central. Nick said they had fun doing that show but the powers that be over there didn't like it so they put an end to it. He said he's not sure what happened there actually. He said Colin may have had some words with management or something.
Howard asked Nick if he's ever met Jerry Seinfeld since Colin is working with him. Nick said he did go to his house one time. He said it was thanks to Colin that he got to go to that party. Howard asked if Jerry has called to produce his show. Nick said he hasn't but he did give him a bit to do on stage. He said he gave him a punch line to use and he used it a few times in his act and on his TV show. Nick said Jerry thanked him a thousand times for giving him a punch line for this joke he had.
Nick said he went to Jerry's house for a New Year's Eve party and he brought his wife. Howard asked who else was there. Nick said he can't even remember. Howard asked if he swiped anything from his house. Nick said they had just moved in so they didn't have much in there. He said the house still looked awesome even though it was brand new and they had just moved in. Howard said Nick is A-List going to a party like that. Nick said that was like 11 years ago.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she saw Nick's show with Artie on the internet. She started to ramble a little too much so Howard had to hang up on her. Howard gave Nick some more plugs and wrapped up with him a short time later. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said they had a busy show today. Robin said they had a lot of busy shows last week too. Howard said he just ate his turkey sandwich but he's too lazy to change his order. He said he doesn't want to look at a menu. Howard said he wants to vary it but he has to do something about it. Howard said he never gets around to it. Howard said he is so sick if turkey but he's not sure what he'd get. Howard asked Robin what she'd suggest. He asked how bad that green drink is to hack. Robin said that wouldn't work for him. Robin said maybe a burrito with beans and lettuce's and avocado. Howard said he'd try that. Robin didn't know where to get it. Howard said he'd eat it if someone could make it.
Howard said he wants a microwaved potato and turkey but then he'd have to have someone making it for him. He said that's what he used to do with Steve Grillo. Howard said he gets tired after he eats too. He said he takes naps on the weekend after he eats. He said he loves that. It's just a half hour nap but it works. He said he'd love to incorporate that into the show.
Howard said he was walking out of there the other day last week and everyone was a buzz out there in the lobby. They were setting up for something. They told him that queen Sylvia from Sweden was coming in. He said he didn't know they had a Swedish channel there. Howard said he heard that Scott Greenstein has a hard on for the Sweeds. He said he heard he likes anything Swedish. Howard wondered why anyone would listen to the Swedish channel. He said it must be Greenstein. He said he heard that he got knighted over there in Sweden. Gary said that the guy from Ace of Base has a regular radio show there. Howard wondered what it is that Scott likes about Sweden. Gary said he's never had a conversation about it but he heard that he was saying it's like the next Seattle and it was going to explode like the Seattle scene did.
Howard wondered if Scott is a ''sir'' over in Sweden. Gary said that he was told not to talk about it on the air. Howard said he didn't know that. Gary said it should be okay. Howard said that's something else to be a knight in Sweden.
Howard asked Gary what that guy from Ace of Base talks about on his show. Gary said he thinks he talks about the music scene in Sweden. Howard said he'd love to see Scott walking around in a knight's outfit there. Gary said he understands why he's a knight because no one is doing as much as he is to bring their music to this country.
Howard said he wants the dial number and a tape of the Ace of Base guy's show. He said it has to be a complete waste of time. Robin said maybe he's right and the music scene is crazy there. Howard told Gary to find out if Scott hangs out with other knights. He said it would be very hard for an American to become a knight over there.
Howard said they had some pictures of Queen Sylvia and she looks like she's about 23. Fred told him that's Princess Madeline. Howard said that she might be the smokingest broad on the planet. Howard said her dress was plunging. Howard said that's a catch there. Howard said she must be worth a small fortune. He said she must be in her 20s. Gary said she's actually 28. He read some other details about her and the wedding that was called off.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about how much of a douche the guy was who got his wedding called off. He had apparently cheated on this princess. Howard said that's crazy. He said maybe the princess was a fish in bed though. Howard had the guys put some pictures of her up on the monitors in there. Howard said Scott should have introduced him to the princess. He said that Beth is a princess in her own right though. Howard said he loves the crown she has to wear. Howard said she's something else.
Howard read some quotes they had from the visit to SIRIUS. Howard said that Scott was listed as President and Chief Content Officer there. Howard wondered if Scott came up with that title himself. He said he must not have been happy with being the head of programming. Howard figured he wanted to be something more important. Howard said that's some title he has. Howard said he's never had an interesting title. Robin said he's the King of All Media. Howard said that's right. Howard said he'd love to introduce himself as the King of All Media to the Princess and the Queen of Sweden.
Howard said he'd love to know why Scott has such a hard-on for Sweden. Gary came in and showed Howard what a knighted person gets from Sweden. Howard checked out the picture he gave him and spent a minute goofing on him. He said that Sweden is a bunch of pussies. He said they don't fight. Howard said they're a cowardly country and a bunch of pussies. Howard said that's just between then. He won't say that to Scott.
Howard said they didn't do anything to fight against the Nazi's during World War II. He said that he does love their meatballs though. Howard said it looks like Hitler blew a load all over their meatballs. Howard said that's really manly not taking sides in a war. Howard said they didn't know that one country throwing people into ovens was wrong. He said their princess is hot though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they have a Scandinavian channel there on channel 85. That must be what they're talking about. Gary said the Swedish show is only on 4 times a day. He said he'd get some audio of the show for Howard to listen to.
Howard smelled chocolate in the studio. It was Benjy's hot chocolate. Howard told him to throw it out because it's probably full of chemicals.
Gary told Howard that it's not the guy from Ace of Base. He said it's actually the guy from Roxette. He said they had that song ''The Look'' years ago. His name is Sven Lindstrom. The show is called Nordic Rocks. Gary said that he had to apologize again. He said Sven is a co-host and the host is Per Gessel. Howard wondered who else would give them a show other than SIRIUS. Fred played the ''The Look'' song and Howard talked it up like he would have back at WNBC.
Howard said he remembers what happened. He said that Richard wanted to streak up there once and Scott told him that he couldn't do that in front of the queen. Howard said they can't have a naked guy running around in front of the Queen. The Howard TV guys had some video of Richard doing his streak in front of some other people.
Gary gave Howard a write up of the Scandinavian channel. They had some quotes from Scott about that. Howard said it sounds like a mission that about 3 people are going to care about. Howard said Scott loves Sweden like unbelievable. Howard said the guy loves it.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he was up there when the Queen was there. He said he had to go all the way around to get to their offices. They had a lot of security up there. Ralph said if he knew how hot the princess was he would have tried to worm himself in. Howard said he has seen Ralph work his magic so he probably could have done it. Howard said he's seen Ralph seduce some high level executive's daughters. Ralph laughed with his evil laugh when he remembered who Howard was talking about. Ralph said it would be funny if he would work his way on to their money over in Sweden.
Howard said it's funny that they had security like that there. He said no one is looking to kidnap them or anything like that.
Ralph reminded Howard about a girl he told him to stay away from at a party once. Howard said the guy could have been in the mob and he didn't want Ralph getting himself killed. Ralph told him to just back off because it wasn't a good idea. Howard said he would tell Ralph to go full force with this princess though. Ralph said he could hang in there through the whole party too. He said he could wait for her to get drunk. Howard let him go after that.
Steve said that Jay Leno could be fired again. He said his ratings are very low and an NBC chairman is saying that they're not happy with his ratings and Conan is coming back to TBS soon so there will be more competition. Howard said Jay is still dropping and they think that Letterman may take over. Howard said he's happy about that. He said he'd love to hear Leno get fired. He said he'd love to see him tank. Howard said dreams do come true. He said he's a letterman guy himself. Howard said he hasn't been on the show in a long time. Steve said it's been about a year and a half. Howard said he may have to wait 4 years before he goes back on. Howard said he'd go on to promote SIRIUS XM or something big. He said nothing big is going on right now though.
Steve said that Eric the Midget has been reading Johnny Fratto the riot act now that he's found out that Steve is going to write a blurb for his upcoming book. Steve said Eric is upset about the blurb. Howard wondered why he's upset with Johnny.
Eric was on the phone so he asked him. Eric doesn't like Steve and it's like he's dealing with the enemy. Eric said he threatened to fire Johnny on Facebook. Howard asked if Johnny is free now. Eric said ''not... yet.'' He is close to firing him though. Howard said Johnny would like nothing better than to be fired by Eric. Howard asked what's taking so long. Eric said he didn't know.
Howard asked why Eric hates Steve so much. Eric said that it's not going to help sell any books. Steve said he has to agree with Eric on that. Howard said there are some Steve Langford fans out there. He said they only have like 3 reporters there.
Gary asked Eric if he has made an appointment for his IQ test yet. Eric said he hasn't. Gary said he must be really busy if he won't make the appointment. Eric said he just hasn't done it yet. Robin asked if he's going to do it. Eric said he's considering it. Gary grunted like he was really angry with him about that. Howard said Eric is a liar. Eric said he's not a liar. Howard said he said he was going to do it. Howard said he has to go then. Howard hung up on him and said ''fuck him'' and said that he's not going to put up with that shit anymore. They went through all of this trouble to find a guy to give him an IQ test after he begged for it and now he's saying he doesn't trust them.
Steve got in a couple of plugs for the Sour Shoes show and the Greg Fitzsimmons show that are both on tonight. Sour Shoes was on the phone to give them a little preview of his show. Sour sang a little and Howard asked what he's going to be doing. Sour said he'll take some calls and some dedications. He said this is the 5th anniversary of his first show there too. Howard asked if he can just play any song off the cuff. Sour said that's what he does and did it for Howard with a Bowie song. Sour said he'd like to bring a grand piano into the studio. Howard told him to do whatever he wants. Howard had him covering some Swedish group songs. Sour will be on Howard 101 at 7 tonight. Greg is on at Midnight Eastern.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down a bunch of the stuff they'll be covering today on the show.
Howard told Eric to either take it or not. Gary said the tester is willing to do it there at his house. Eric said he doesn't want the guy in his house. He said he's supposed to be going to see his doctor on the 2nd of November so he'll see if he can take the test then.
Ralph called in and said that Eric has to just do it. He said they're not looking to screw him. He said they're also close to getting him booked on a show to have his head explode again. Eric said he's not doing anymore head exploding roles. Howard said he shouldn't care. Eric said he doesn't want that to be ''his thing'' as an actor.
Howard spent a minute talking about that and had Fred playing exploding head sounds. Eric said that he's going to be calling the guy today to set something up. Eric said that his parents don't want anyone associated with the show visiting the house. Howard said he's not associated to the show. He said he's on his own. Eric said it's for something on the show though so he can't have him there.
Howard said Eric can either have the test or not. He said he can't tell him what to do. He thanked him for the call and said he's really had it with him. Robin said she can't believe he finally wore Howard's patience out.
Robin got to her news and read about the death of Barbara Billingsly and Benoit Mandelbrot. Robin said that he helped come up with the Fractal Theory. Robin tried to tell him what that meant but Howard said he has no idea what it means. Robin said that's who they should be talking about, not Barbara Billingsly.
Robin read a story about Osama bin Laden who may be living in a house in Pakistan. Robin said Osama and his head guys may all be living in homes and they may be being protected by the Pakistani military.
Robin read about the Chilean miners and said she was wondering what was going to happen to them. Robin said that most of them returned to poverty. Howard said he was reading about what it was like down there and how they weren't even sure if anyone was going to find them. Robin said they are going to write a book together and they have agreed to negotiate over that together. Robin said she read about one guy who lives with like 15 or 16 people in this tiny house and they blew up plastic bags to greet him home instead of balloons. Robin said they are supposed to get $12,000 a piece from donations. The mining company is out of business so they have no jobs now. Robin read about some of the guys being offered jobs and stuff but not all 33 of them have gotten these offers. Robin said the rest of them went back to their impoverished circumstances.
Howard and Robin spent a few minutes on that miner story. That led to Howard talking about a special Beth had him watch. He said he could tell that there was going to be a lot of death and stuff in the special so he told Beth he wasn't going to watch. He said he doesn't want to see that stuff. He'd rather put his head in the sand and pretend it's not happening.
Robin read about how the Heart and Lung Association has released some new CPR recommendations. They have a new ''ABC'' of CPR out. Robin said they have changed it to CAB instead of ABC. Robin said you start with compressions, then clear the air way and then start the breathing. Howard said he's always with the CAB because he'll hop in a cab before he'll help someone out.
Robin read about how some of the upcoming elections and had some audio of some of the candidates that she had Howard play.
Robin read about Tommy Chong using his tour to try and get marijuana legalized. Robin had some audio of him talking about how people should smoke the legal stuff.
Robin read about how it's Dental Hygiene month this month. Robin read about one dentist who says you can save yourself some worry by drinking the right thing before bed. She had some audio of this dentist talking about how it's best to drink water instead of acidic drinks. Howard said he goes to the dentist every 3 months and he doesn't get cavities. Howard said he always uses a toothpick to make sure there's no food stuck in his teeth.
Robin read about President Obama bringing an end to the military's ''Don't Ask Don't Tell'' policy. Robin had some audio of one of his people talking about that.
Robin read about how there's a bunch of debate about the Mayor of New York City trying to limit people from getting soda with their food stamps. Howard said that food stamps are for people who are trying to make it on the bare minimum and they should be drinking and eating the basics, not on frivolous stuff like soda. Robin said there are many things that people can eat that's not even food though. Howard said he'd like to see people going out and getting good meals with those stamps. He said he doesn't want to see people buying cigarettes and soda.
Robin read about this guy Lee Abrams who used to work at XM. Howard said that he was part of Berkhardt Abrams too and they got them on in Washington DC together. Howard said that Lee left XM after they failed to get him to work there. Robin said that Lee was working for Tribune and he put out a memo where he went off on the employees for their behavior. Howard said Lee was good at inspiring DJs when he knew him and he was impressed with him. He said he's not sure what he's up to now though.
Robin read about Brett Favre having a meeting with the NFL over what he may have done with some sexual materials. Howard said that people shouldn't be so shocked that he's hitting on chicks. Robin said the NFL has very strict rules about that stuff so that's why they're doing this.
Robin read about two women who gave birth after having their eggs pre-screened for genetic defects. Robin said the kids were born in Italy and Germany. Howard said that sounds great to him. Robin said people are afraid it's going to come down to engineering kids though. Howard said he's all for that. He said he's pretty sure he would have been screened out though.
Robin read about Rod Stewart coming out with a new album of classic songs. Howard said the guy used to be something else. He wondered who is buying this stuff. Howard said he liked his original songs and not this stuff he's covering.
Robin read about Kanye West putting out a new single. She had a clip for Howard to play where they bleeped out the word ''douche bag.'' Howard said that reminds him of his days at WNBC when he wasn't allowed to say scumbag. Howard said the whole point of his song is that he says douche bag. He said he loved it when he saw it on MTV. Howard said Kanye has made a movie of that. She said it will be premiering on MTV web sites and on MTV2. Fred found a version of the song they play there at SIRIUS. That one was unedited.
Robin read about how Cablevision is in a fight with News Corp so they've deprived their customers of programming. Howard said the government should be investigating them over this stuff. Howard said the bills for cable are ridiculous. Howard said the cable companies don't even have to create the content. He said there should be competition. Robin said they'll say that satellite is competition. Howard said it's not the same thing. Howard said the government is more concerned about SIRIUS and XM to worry about the cable companies. Howard said the whole thing is crazy. Robin read about how they blocked out FOX on Cablevision because of a dispute they're having with News Corp.
Robin read about how Marilyn the transsexual is happy that Gavin Rossdale has finally admitted to having an affair with her. Robin read the details of that.
Robin read a story about how Mel Gibson is going to be working again. She said that he's got a part even though his agency dropped him back in July.
Robin read about Jackass 3D being number one at the box office. She had some audio of Johnny Knoxville and Steve-O talking about their injuries they got during the filming.
Robin read about how Leif Garrett is going into drug rehab after getting into some legal trouble over drugs. Robin wrapped up after that. Howard ended the show around 10:55am.
Jon brought up how Bam and Novak had trouble getting in there this morning. Gary said that's because they gave him 3 names and showed up with 9 people. Gary said Bam walked in with a little wine bottle and asked him for a corkscrew. Gary said that Bam followed him around and noticed a bottle of wine in his office. He asked if he could have that one with the screw off cap on it. Gary told him he could have it but Bam tried to hand him the bottle he had tried to open with something other than a corkscrew. Gary said he told Bam he could keep both.
Gary said he doesn't watch Bam's show enough to know if Novak is a regular on it. Jon said he didn't either. He said they do seem to enjoy hanging out though. Jon said some of the stuff they talked about doing that they do just to freak people out. Gary said that Richard and Sal are like that. Jon wanted to get them in there to talk about that.
Jon said that Sal isn't as wild about the gay stuff as Richard is. Gary said he used to be up until recently. He said that Sal does like to do some stuff on his own showing his balls and penis. Jon said he can't imagine Sal or Richard jizzing on a security guard's arm.
Sal and Richard came in so Gary asked them if they think they're above what Bam and Novak do. Sal said he thinks it's hysterical and they're making money doing it. Richard said they go the extra mile that he and Sal don't do. Sal said that he wouldn't make out with Richard. Richard said he would for the right price.
Gary asked the guys if they would go in and make out in front of a priest for half a million. Sal said he would do it for that kind of money. Richard said he was in too. Jon asked if they would do it for $10,000. Sal said no, Richard said yes. Richard said he'd love to be in Jackass because he admires them so much.
Jon asked them about jerking each other off. Sal said he'd need a lot of money to do that. Richard said he wouldn't need as much as Sal. He'd be up for it.
Richard was telling Gary and Jon that he saw some gay porn clip that JD found and it was the funniest thing he's seen. He said that he was dying laughing the whole time. He said he and JD have showed video to other people and it makes them cringe while they laugh their asses off. Richard said he finds that stuff funny all the time.
Jon asked Richard when he first saw gay porn. Richard said they went to see this movie in a booth once and he and his friends didn't know what they were going to see. He said he and his friends all laughed their asses off when they saw it.
Sal said he saw his first gay porn when he went to a bachelor party at this place called Show World. He said he sat down in a booth and this lady was dancing for him. He said something seemed like it wasn't right. He asked how much a dance was and it was 40 bucks. Then he went to pay and he saw a guy getting fucked in the ass. Sal said he had the he/she turn around for him and he refused so he demanded his money back. Gary said that wasn't a gay porn experience, that was a gay experience.
Sal said once he went to a jerk off booth and he was scanning through the channels and he saw a chick getting fucked on a medical table and it turned out to be a guy getting fucked in the ass. He said he actually jerked off to that one. He said he didn't finish to that one. Gary didn't know that they had channels in those booths. Sal said he used to use his dollar bills to change the channels. Sal said he hasn't been to a booth in like a year now. He said he just got an iPad that he calls the ''iJerk'' since he took it right into the bathroom and jerked off to internet porn.
Sal talked about how he uses the internet for porn but he has to watch where he drops his stuff since he's got a mouse pad with his kids faces on it. He said that would be bad.
Gary said that he knows a guy who ended up leaving porn in his computer and his kid turned it on thinking he was going to watch Barney. The wife freaked out about that.
Sal said he used to dub tapes of porn and he'd write on it that it was like ''KISS in Brazil 3 on 1'' so he would know what kind of porn was actually on there. It was actually Brazilian 3 on 1 porn.
Richard said the kids have it so good now. He said back in his day he had to sneak to the rock quarry to find porn in the drivers there. He said that guys who drive those trucks like to keep porn under their seats so he'd steal that and hide it.
Sal told another story about watching 8mm films years ago. He said that some of those things were really amazing.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wasn't sure he was calling the right channel. He thought it was the gay channel. Then he said he thinks that Gary does a great job there. He also asked how many more Jackass movies those guys could pull off. Gary said the formula is already there and as long as they can come up with more tricks, they can keep it going. He said that was a really funny movie. Gary said Nick Di Paolo agreed with him that the stunts were just basic slapstick and it's funny stuff.
The caller said that he got a mailer from XM that had no mention of Howard in the flier. He said they don't have a picture of him at all in there. Gary said that doesn't make him feel better but thanks for letting him know.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's a plumber and he goes into those jerk off booths all the time. He asked Sal if he has ever put his cock through a hole in the booth. Sal said he never has. He said that he's seen some gay guys at the booths and never knew they were gay. He said once he put his money in the booth and there was a lot of gay porn going there. He said he turned to his left and he saw a guy on the left and a guy on the right jerking off. He said that stopped him and he got his ass out of there. Sal said he knows what those booths are now.
Richard told a story about a guy who went to a booth and another guy was jerking off right next to him. He said the guy kicked the other guy and broke his cock. He ended up getting arrested for that. Gary said that doesn't sound fair to him.
Sal said there are some live girl booths and he has picked up the phone in those booths before. He said the phones have a very unique smell too. He found that out the hard way. Sal said he once asked a girl if she liked the size of his cock and she said ''Ehh, not really.'' Sal said there are some girls who take their money before they do their thing. Sal said that he used to just tip the girls 2 bucks if they take tips afterward. He said if they ask for tips before, he'd leave.
Ralph called in and said he used to got to the Limelight on Sundays and up in the top in the back they had super VIP areas. He said they'd let you smoke pot back there and stuff like that. He said he went there on a different night one night and he went up to the VIP area and the guy told him he didn't want to go there. Ralph said he noticed there were a lot of guys there. They had guys in there humping the all in a glory hole or something. He said he had no idea what was going on.
Gary said he went to a club once with a girl he worked with and he realized that she was the only girl there. Gary said the guy at the front door asked if they were sure they wanted to go in there. He later realized that the guy was trying to help him out.
Richard said he and Sal went to a gay bar out in San Francisco once and they just anted to see what was going on there. They had fun while they watched what actually goes on there.
Ralph said going to the booths these days doesn't make much sense with the internet being so accessible. Sal said he used to go when he was a stockbroker and they were right across from where his train was so he'd stop in there and then go home on the train. He said he'd pass out on the train.
Ralph said the place he went to didn't have hot chicks. Sal said that the girls looked like Snookie at the places he went to. Gary said he went to one when he was like 17. He said he and his buddies used to go and they would go to one that was a big circle so you could see the other guys in there. The girl was in the middle doing her thing.
Sal said he once put his 2 bucks in and this guy started licking this girl's ass in front of him. He said he had his head through a hole and he was licking her. Back then you were allowed to stick your head or hands through the hole. That was the place called Show World. He said he still has the tokens from that place.
Ralph asked Sal how the guy would get his arm through. Sal said the hole was like the size of a shoe box and you could get your arm through. He said that when she stands up you see all of the other faces and he saw this guy who looked just like Cheech Marin doing it. Gary wanted to get out of that discussion so they went to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary if he would take a job with Letterman if he didn't know if Howard was going to re-sign there. Gary said that he would want to stay with Howard. He said if they signed a 3 year deal there he'd be set. He said that most of those other jobs are usually a 1 year contract so he'd rather wait and see if Howard is going to stick around. Gary said that if someone came to him with a 5 year deal for twice the money then he'd have to think about it.
Jon asked Gary how tough it would be to turn down another job. Gary said he would have to think about it. He said that if he did find something he really liked, he'd have to go to Howard and ask him what he thinks.
Jon asked Sal and Richard what they're thinking. They said they have like 27 shows left there. Richard said he has spoken to some people but he wants to wait and see what Howard is doing. He said he'd rather work there than go anywhere else if he doesn't know what's going on. Gary said that he's not sure what he's doing after December 31st. He said that he can't ask for the week off for his kid's winter vacation because he doesn't know where he'll be working.
Jon saw that Lisa G was in there so he asked her what she thinks about Howard bringing his contract thing down to the line. Lisa said she'd like to stay there too. Gary asked her if she would turn down a job at 1010 WINS if she got one. Lisa said she would say she needed time to think about it. Lisa said she's hoping for the best and hoping that they can just stick around and do the same thing there.
Gary said that no one expected to be there at this point. Gary said he thought Howard would have it sewn up by the summer. He didn't think it was going to go on this long. Gary said Howard asked him ''isn't this the way it's always gone?'' Gary said that the last time they made a deal was this SIRIUS deal and they had a year and 3 months to prepare for it.
Lisa asked Gary if it's difficult having the same agent. Gary said it's not tough at all. He said he hasn't asked him any questions about what's going on with Howard. He said Howard wouldn't ask about him either. Gary said he doesn't feel that issue at all.
Lisa asked what they're doing for vacation. Gary said that it's the vacation after December 31st that she should be asking about. Richard is going to be getting married but he's not sure what to do about his honeymoon.
Lisa said she has a lot of irons in the fire but they're not hot. She has spoken to some people but she doesn't have anything serious at this point.
Gary said that he'd like to know who is going to be the first to step up and leave first. Jon said he thinks that everyone is going to wait until the last minute. He said that they might all be in denial but they're all sticking around.
Sal said he thinks they should ban Eric from the show until he takes the IQ test. The caller agreed. She also wanted to ask if they could pick between banning Eric or Ralph from the show who would they pick. They all picked Eric. She said she thinks they should ban Ralph. The caller said that Sal, Richard and Gary are her favorites on the show so she's glad they're on now. The caller also thinks that they'd keep Ralph because he's so close to Howard. She said that he just calls in far too much. Sal said Ralph is a really fun guy to hang out with and he thinks that's why Howard picks up on him.
Jon said that Ralph is a great caller. Sal agreed but he said he thinks that Howard picks up on him because he knows he's going to be a good caller.
Jon took another call from a guy who brought up the Kings of Leon song that Howard played the cover of. He said that he disagreed with Robin's opinion of that cover. He said he likes Robin but she's way off on that song. He also said that Sal and Gary have young kids and he'd like to talk to them about Hershey Park and he'd like to get them free tickets. The guy said he can get them a bunch of free tickets. Gary said that he went to Hershey this year and it was fuckin' great. He said he didn't even eat that much chocolate there. The caller said he can help them out with free tickets. Gary said that Jon is an expert on that park and he clued him in that you get free tickets to the park if you stay in the hotel. Jon said that's where every diabetic goes for vacation. He let the caller go.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he saw that Roger Waters show and he loved it. They spent a little more time talking about the concert and what goes on with the wall and all of that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that SIRIUS is going to wait until the very end to let them know about Howard. He said that most people come over to SIRIUS right before the end of the year so they're going to lock them in for another year before making any announcements. The guy also asked Richard how his Halloween preparations are going. Richard said he was carving pumpkins last night and he went to Halloween Horror at Universal studios too. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about this new show called ''The Talk'' which is like The View but with Julie Chen and some other women. Howard said that the show is syndicated... He thinks. Gary said it's on CBS. Howard said that Julie is Les Moonves' wife so he has to say that he might have to cancel her show if it doesn't get ratings and then laughs. Howard said it's weird. Howard said he thinks that Barbara Walters is upset that they're ripping off her show but The View is a rip off of other shows too. There really aren't any original shows on TV.
Howard said the show was fine. He said they even say the same thing at the end of the show that they say at the end of The View. Howard said they say ''Take a little time, enjoy the view'' at the end of The View. On the Talk they just say ''enjoy the talk'' or something like that.
Howard said Sarah Gilbert is also on the show and she claims that she invented the show. Howard said they don't just admit that they ripped off The View. Julie Chen seems to be the leader on the show like Barbara Walters is on The View. Howard said Julie keeps the show moving since she's the only professional broadcaster on there.
Howard said Holly Robinson Peet is on the show. Sharon Osbourne is on the show and they also have Leah Remini. He said most of them are very loud. They all talk over one another, just like The View. Howard said it seemed okay and they had Christie Brinikley on the show and she came out and basically said nothing. Howard said they said to her that she had a terrible, ugly divorce. He was trying to remember which one it was. She didn't talk about it much. Howard said she's probably trying to keep the peace with the guy.
Howard said he was curious about the show but The View had on Levi Johnston. Howard said he's an amazing guy. He's running for Mayor of Wasilla. Howard said he has no college and no high school education. Howard said they asked him about that and he just said he didn't know. Howard said he liked that interview.
Howard had a clip of Levi Johnston on The View so he played that. In the clip Barbara Walters asked him why he doesn't just go out and get an education and a job to take care of his kid. Levi then handed her a flower that he had with him. Elisabeth told him he owed it to Barbara to give her an explanation. Howard said they all like to get their two cents in on that show. Howard said they're all angry with men. He said Elisabeth had no qualifications to be on a talk show so why should Levi have any qualifications for being Major. Levi explained why he was running for Mayor but Barbara was asking him why he's taking a job from someone else. Levi admitted he may not even be ready to run at this point.
Then Whoopi asked what his platform was. Levi didn't have one. He said he couldn't tell them what it was. He said he just started running a month ago. He said he hasn't come out and done any campaigning yet.
Robin said she wasn't sure why they were being so hard on him. He hasn't won yet. Robin said this would be like them taking the Naked Cowboy seriously in his run for president. Robin said they shouldn't be taking this so seriously.
Howard played more of the clip where Whoopi was asking him about the stuff that he should be worrying about around Wasilla. Robin said that they're treating him like he's the only candidate there and that he's automatically going to win. In the clip they asked what he was going to be running under. He said he was going to be running as a conservative. Levi said that it started out as a reality show but now he's taking it seriously. Barbara then said that she's glad he came and didn't walk off the show.
Howard said Levi made them look like idiots. He said he really enjoyed watching it. Howard said Whoopi is a joke. He said she walked off the show with Joy Behar when Bill O'Reilly was on. He got the best of them and they couldn't argue so they just walked off. Howard said they tantrum like babies and walk off the set. He said it was good TV though. Howard said they have a big gaggle of women who are trying to argue with facts.
Howard had more audio of Joy talking about why she walked off the show. She said that she was standing up to bigotry. Howard said it wasn't bigotry. He said Bill was just stating a fact that the 9/11 attackers were Muslim. He said he didn't say that all Muslim's were guilty.
In the clip Whoopi says that Bill O'Reilly started in with her as soon as he came out. Howard said that wasn't true. It was Whoopi who started with Bill giving him that look of disgust as soon as he came out. Howard said he had the same problem with David Letterman when he was on his show once. He said he had to have his agent call to tell them that Dave had to change his attitude toward him. Howard said Whoopi told Bill she had gas that day but that's bullshit. He said you can't invite someone on the show and look at them with disdain. Howard said you don't have them on the show if you don't like them. Either that or you just don't come on the show at all.
Howard said he was asked to go on Wheel of Fortune to promote his book years ago. He said that Pat Sajak had a problem with him and he just left. Howard said he appeared with Vanna White and closed the show. He said Pat just left. He said that's fine with him. He won't put up with an attitude and he'll kick someone in the nuts if he has to.
Howard played more of the audio of Whoopi talking about why she walked off the show. She claimed that she was fed up but Howard said it was actually Joy who was fed up, Whoopi just followed her off the set. Howard said he's just telling the truth and it wasn't Whoopi's idea to walk off the show. Howard let the clip play through some more.
Howard said the women on that show don't seem to be so bright. He said Barbara is bright and Elisabeth is nice as a person but the rest of them he's not so sure about. Howard said that the show is nuts.
Howard played a clip of Whoopi talking about the Muslim comment and asking if O'Reilly meant that Muhammad Ali was part of the 9/11 bombings. She said you can't just throw stuff around like that. Howard said O'Reilly didn't say anything wrong. He said it was Muslims that attacked us on 9/11.
Howard played some audio of Barbara saying that you don't walk out of your own home and that's what Whoopi and Joy did. Barbara said that Bill loves that kind of thing and that's just what he wanted them to do. She said she will fight for their right for anything on that show because she loves them and they do that because they have passion and conviction for what they do. Joy then chimed in and quoted the movie ''12 Angry Men'' and said that's basically what she was doing when she walked off. Howard said he uses ''Pretty Woman'' as his movie in life.
Howard let that clip play through some more and goofed on Joy about her movie comments. Howard played some more of Whoopi talking about what she thought about the whole thing and how enraged she was over the whole thing. Howard said he felt that Whoopi was the one who was disrespectful to Bill. Howard said he was being shot daggers by her and she was the one who was disrespectful.
Robin said she's been trying to keep up with the TV in the evening. Howard said he's very taken with Jennifer Grey who is on Dancing with the Stars this season. Howard said she's pretty hot to him.
Howard said he saw Maxim magazine and Avril Lavigne is hot on the cover of that. He said she's got the belly shirt look and she's smokin' hot. Howard said that's some girl. He said that's another good catch like the princess of Sweden. Howard said that she was in Page Six this morning out shopping and smoking. Howard said they were just talking about her yesterday and now she's on Page Six.
Howard said Avril Lavigne is hot and if he were single he'd devote his whole life to banging her. Robin said there are some other single celebrities out there too.
Howard said that Avril is dating that Brody Jenner guy. He said he likes a chick that can sing. He said she can make money and look super hot. He said she looks very angry and he kind of likes that too. Howard said he likes women who are kind of cunty but they like him. Robin said they'll turn on him some day too though. Howard said he tries to get Beth to be cunty but she's nice to everyone.
Howard said he ran into Scott Greenstein yesterday and he asked him about being a knight in Sweden. He said that Scott didn't want to talk about it. He said that they also talked about the whole Swedish music scene. He said he saw Steve Leeds and Harvey Leeds out in the hall too. He said they were all waiting for him to say something to them but he just wanted to get the hell out of there.
Howard said he ran into some black guy in the hall and said hi to him but he has no idea who he is. Howard said he mumbled what his name was but he didn't understand what he said. Howard asked Ronnie if he knew who it was. Howard said he must have been a rapper because he had the baggy pants and bright colored shirt on. Gary told him he had the answer. It was Rod Isley. Howard said he was too young to be in the Isley brothers. Gary said that guy was there yesterday. Howard said that couldn't have been him. Howard had Fred play some of The Isley Brothers ''Fight the Power.'' He said that was a pretty great song. Howard said he grew up listening to this while he was in Roosevelt. Howard said they have a video for this song and it's video of him getting garbage cans thrown at him. Howard said it's a great video. Howard said this was the soundtrack to his beating life.
Robin said that Howard has to bring up that dream with the doctor. Howard said he's not going to talk about that. He said he's still working on the Robin years with his therapy. He said he's still trying to get over that.
Howard said he was reading in Bloomberg about how Mel Karmazin is looking for alternatives to Howard Stern if they can't work things out. Howard said they should get rid of them so they can save ''so much money'' and the service will still be exciting. Howard said no one can get music anywhere else. They also say that he's responsible for only about 2 million subscribers. Howard wondered how they came up with that number.
Howard asked Robin what happened to the Yankees yesterday. They spent a couple of minutes talking about their loss and what happened there. Gary came in to get in on that conversation.
Howard said Bubba was talking about all of this sports stuff. Howard said he's just isn't into it enough to know what he's talking about. Gary told Howard about some Rangers stuff but Howard said he really doesn't care. He said he should try to care more so he can get into it. Robin said that Howard plays chess so much that he doesn't notice sports at all. Howard said he should be into sports more. He said he's obsessed with chess so much now though.
Gary said that Ross and Will have a bet going on and whoever loses is going to have to walk around in a dress all day long. If the Yankees lose then Ross is the one who has to walk around in the dress. He's trying to buy his way out of the bet at this point. Howard said Ross can't walk around in a dress. Gary said he's going to have to. Howard said he's a professional so he can't be doing stuff like that. Gary said Will is picking out the dress and it's going to be a mini-dress.
Howard said he can't run because he broke his toe. He said he's putting on a couple of pounds already. Howard said he has to starve himself so he doesn't gain weight. Howard said he was looking at David Bowie pictures from the early years and he was a really skinny guy. Howard said he's envious of guys who are rock star skinny. He said Bowie must have weighed like 100 pounds back then. He said he was so gay too. Howard wondered if he's gay at all now.
Howard wondered how he could be so gay and just stop being so gay. He said he has a whole book of Bowie from his Ziggy Stardust years and he was clearly gay. Robin and Fred said maybe he was bi. Howard said you can't be bi and be that gay. Howard wishes he could sit down with him and interview him about that stuff. He said he'd love to know what he was up to. Howard said he's never seen anything that gay. Howard said it's crazy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's waiting to see what Robin's excuse is for not running in the marathon. He said she's going to come up with a twisted ankle or something to get out of it. Howard said he doesn't agree with him. He said that she's been training and doing all of the mileage. He said she's done the hard part already. Howard said she had better not make him wrong on this. Robin said she's ready to run the race.
The caller said that Robin is going to end up with another one of those couches like she had on her wrist. Howard said Robin wants to run the marathon. Robin said he has to make sure she doesn't injure herself again for this guy. Howard asked what she's backed out on before. The caller said nothing but he thinks she's bitten off too much and she knows it.
The caller, Ox, said he wanted to bet Robin on this and take her out to dinner if she doesn't back out of this. Robin wasn't interested.
Wheels called in and said that he called in yesterday to talk about that new show The Talk. He said he wants to know if Howard is going to start watching Oprah and all of those shows now. Howard said he only watches that stuff when Beth tells him something interesting is on.
Wheels asked Howard who he would get rid of if he had to get rid of either Shuli or Lisa G. Howard said he can't imagine mentioning a name on the air. He said he doesn't want to ruin someone's life. Howard said if he said Shuli then Lisa would jump out a window. He said it would be the same with Shuli.
Wheels asked about Jason or Will. Howard said he's not sure. He said that they'd have to have Brad Driver make the choice between Lisa and Shuli. He said that he'd have to keep Steve Langford back there. Howard asked Brad Driver who he would fire back there.
Howard said that Gary would have to answer on Jason or Will. Gary said he can't say. He said he wouldn't be able to make that decision until he was really under pressure to pick one. Gary said that they're really under pressure there with the staff they have. He said it's really minimal. Howard said he's nuts. He said that they've got a big staff. Gary said they don't have a big staff compared to a TV show. Howard said that compared to TV he's right. He said they have 17 writers at Letterman. Howard said he would just chill all day long if he had 17 writers.
Brad Driver came in and Howard asked who he would choose to fire, Shuli or Lisa G. Brad said he can't make that decision. Howard said he would have to choose one of the two but maybe he shouldn't say now. Brad said he loves Lisa but Shuli works on a lot of shows there. He has Miserable Men and Jay Thomas. Wheels said he's doing them all for free too.
Howard said he knows the answer to the question but he's not going to say. Howard said he has to work with these people and they all do a great job. Howard said they don't have a budget to keep people who don't do a good job so that's why they're all still there.
Howard was asked about Sal and Richard. Howard said that he's feeling that Sal is contributing more lately. He said he's not sure if Richard is contributing that much lately. He said Sal is making the phone calls and Richard edits those tapes. Howard said Richard's song parodies are funnier. Howard said Sal's penis is funny. He has the 143 stories. Howard said Sal will come on with the marriage stories and stuff.
Gary said that Sal has a lot of stories that he'll tell on the air and not know that they're wrong. Howard was going back and forth on the two picking their pros and cons. Howard said he can't decide. Then Sal was out in the hall showing his cock. Then Richard came over and showed his. Howard said they were jerking off out there too. Howard said Sal was showing his ass. Howard said they'd be out of control if he didn't have some control over them. Howard said he had to get out of this whole thing. He went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Lisa G come in with her headlines. Howard asked Lisa if she would have gone off the deep end if she had been the one they'd fire. Lisa said she would have been upset and she would have packed her bags.
Lisa had a story about Robin's charity and how she's raising money for her run in the marathon. She's also supposed to be on a media blitz with appearances on Rachel Ray and other shows. Howard had some fun talking about Robin's vegan talk and things like that. Howard said it's not too late for her to have kids of her own since she likes helping other kids so much. Robin said she'll do it if Howard gives her his sperm. Howard said that will never happen. Lisa said that Robin is going to be on Jimmy Kimmel and Good Morning L.A. as well as the Rachel Ray show. The Rachel Ray show people were there this morning following Robin around.
Howard said Robin is a wonderful woman. She helps so many people out. Howard said Artie went down to be on Rachel Ray and they didn't let him be on the show. He just sat and watched.
Lisa said that Robin's trainer thinks that Robin should finish the marathon in a little over 5 hours. Robin said that she's not a runner and it's not her sport. She said she runs but very slow. Howard said he wants to see her doing 7 minute miles. Robin said she has a utility belt with all of her crap in it to keep her on course. She said that Beth is actually helping her out with tips on running the marathon.
Lisa said that some of the kids that Robin is running for will be at the finish line for Robin. Dr. Roni will also be there. Lisa said that Dr. Roni has also taken on another celebrity for her diet. That person is Steve Harvey. Howard said Robin must not like that. Robin said Roni should do whatever she can to get the word out there.
Lisa said they were on the red carpet for ''Stone'' and she spoke to Mila Jovovich and Mila loves the show and she thinks that Howard once asked her to marry him in a joking way. Howard didn't remember doing that. Howard said he thinks he'd remember that. Robin said that she was in another movie where she was just about naked. It was ''The Fifth Element.'' Robin said the movie was terrible but she was basically dressed in electrical tape. Howard said Mila is pretty hot. Lisa said she just had a kid but she looks amazing. Robin said that Mila is a supermodel so Howard said he'd have to fuck her if that's the case.
Lisa said that Edward Norton spoke to her on the red carpet. She said that he loves the show but he knows Howard too well to come on. Howard said Ed was at a party he was at over the summer and he seemed to be avoiding him. Howard said the guy didn't seem so friendly. Robin said they're probably just misreading each other. Howard said she might be right about that. Lisa said that Edward gave Robin some advice about her marathon run too. She quickly mentioned that and then ran out of the studio.
Howard had Anni come in and asked her when she got started. It just happened this year. Anni said she had never done anything like that before and she wanted to try it out. She said she was in the computer field for over 40 years before that. Anni said she was married 3 times. Howard asked why she was dumped. She said she dumped them. She said they didn't give her enough sex. She said she has been doing home videos for about 5 years now.
Howard asked Anni why she was wearing a rain coat. She said it was raining outside. Howard said she can take it off. Anni took the coat off and showed the negligee that she was wearing. Howard laughed when he saw she didn't have any panties on. Howard said that was some vagina she had. Fred played the ''Oh my get out of the way'' clip from the Hindenberg crash.
Howard took a look at her ass and saw she had a tattoo saying that she's the gang bang queen. Howard asked how her kids react to this. Anni said her daughter is worried that she's going to get hurt doing it. Anni said that she's happy as long as she's happy.
Anni said that she's an apartment manager so she still has to work at her age. Howard said she doesn't require guys to wear condoms with her. She said that she doesn't and she's not worried about AIDS or anything. Anni said she's looking to do a gang bang soon too and she's not going to require condoms. Howard said that's like playing Russian Roulette. Anni said that it is in a way. She said she prefers it without the condom.
Howard said she also likes black men. Anni said they're her favorite. She said she's been treated better by black men than white men.
Howard asked Anni about her friends and what they think about what she does. She said that her friends don't know what she does. She said that they have no idea. Howard asked about who discovered her. Anni said she put an ad on SexyJobs.com and she got some agents contacting her and he helped her get her job. Howard said there must be a lot of people who want to see old people fucking. Anni said there is a big market. Howard asked if there's a lot of money in it. Anni said that she should get a nice amount for this gang bang thing she's working on.
Howard said that Anni has done a 251 guys and gang bangs and it must be tough at her age. Anni said she doesn't need lube. Howard said he figured she'd be dry down there. Anni said she doesn't use lube. Howard found that hard to believe. Robin said she told Howard that it's still possible to self lubricate at that age.
Anni said for this gang bang she's going to have fluffers so the guys can just insert and cum and insert and cum. She said it's not going to be like a marathon of fucking. Howard asked if they want her to die during the fucking so they have something really special. Anni said she's going to be fine and that's not what she's looking for.
Anni has had sex with two dogs too. He asked how something like that happens. Anni looked over at Robin and Robin told her not to look at her. Anni said she did it because it was taboo. Howard said that Anni did adopt one of the dogs from a friend. Anni said she only had the dog for 10 days. She said she wanted to see if they were compatible. Howard asked how big the dog was. She said that he was about 40 pounds. Anni said that it's also very easy to train the dog to do it to you. She said that you jerk the dog off to get him prepared. Howard laughed as she was telling the story. Anni said that the dog had to mount her as she was laying on her back. She would have the dog lick her vagina too.
Anni said that the dog was chewing up her house when she'd go out so she had to get rid of him. Howard asked how long the dog goes for. She said that they can go and go like 10 or 12 times in a row. Robin said she couldn't take this. Howard said it was pretty depraved. Anni said maybe it is but she loved it.
Howard asked Anni about any other animals she's had. She said that was it. Howard asked why she discriminates. Howard said it must be illegal to do that. Anni agreed. She said her friend that gave her the dog didn't know what she did with it.
Howard asked Anni if she would like to have sex with the dog again. Anni said she sure would. Howard asked if she has ever thought about doing a horse or anything. Anni said no to that.
Howard took a call from a dog who was barking his answers to his questions. Howard didn't spend a lot of time with that. He asked Anni if she has ever had a doggy threesome. Anni just laughed. Howard asked if she has a type. She said as long as the dog is male she's fine.
Howard said the gang bang suddenly seems tame. Howard said he thinks it's wrong to have sex with any animal. Howard said they don't know what they're doing. They don't have consent. Howard asked if the dog had a big load. Anni said ''oh yes... many.'' She has also given the dogs oral. Howard said she's really out there. Howard asked what happened to her in her childhood. Anni said that when you see a woman walking down the street with a big dog, you can bet that 9 out of 10 of them have had sex with their dogs.
Howard said maybe Anni had some issues as a child. She had an abusive father. She said that was very common back then. She said the dog fucking thing is very common too. Howard was asking about what the dog's load tasted like and he almost threw up just asking the question. Howard said that one finally got to him.
Howard asked if his mother is having sex with dogs without him knowing. Robin said that she doesn't own a dog. Howard said he's not sure what he's learning there but he should play a clip from her new video. Howard said he doesn't know the laws of this country but the dog fucking thing is wrong to him. Anni said that in certain states is a felony and some it's a misdemeanor.
Howard played the clip from Anni's movie. He asked if there is anyone that she wouldn't fuck. Anni said she would fuck Osama bin Laden but she'd kill him while he was cumming.
Anni said she's going to invite Howard to her gang bang. Howard said he's going to be as far away from that as possible. JD came in so Howard asked if she'd fuck him. Anni said of course she would. Howard played a clip from a movie called ''Exploited Moms.'' In the clip she was with a black man. She was 76 when she filmed this scene. Howard said Sal loves the old woman porn. Anni said that they're ''mature'' women, not old.
Howard played the clip and Anni and the guy were talking a lot. It turns out they ad-libbed their lines. Howard didn't seem surprised by that. Then they started having sex and Anni was using the N-word with the guy. Howard asked if she's comfortable doing that. Anni said as long as the guy is okay with it she is too. Howard said that was some scene they had just heard.
Howard had Sal come in since he's into granny porn. Sal said he loves them almost as old as Anni. He said he really does love it. He said he used to get off on Blue Iris. He said he would call her and have her talk dirty to him. He said he would plow the shit out of Anni. Howard had Sal talk dirty to Anni. Howard told him he could keep his pants on for this. Sal told Anni to put her leg up so he could see her vagina. He had her play with it a little bit for him. Howard said he just anted dirty talk, not the whole thing. Howard was ready to vomit again so he kicked Sal out of there.
Howard said that Anni is friends with Britney Spears. Anni said she just met her online one day. Howard asked if she told her about having sex with dogs and stuff. Anni said that she knows what she does. Howard said maybe she feels like she's not being judged. Howard asked if she has ever met her because a lot of people go on under assumed names. Anni said she knows it's really her. Howard asked how she knows. Anni said she can't say. She said she did send her something that proved it. Howard said he doesn't think it's really her.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he threw up in his mouth when he was talking to Anni earlier. Howard said he thinks that there are more guys into this stuff than they know. Howard asked Anni if she's the top Mature Porn person right now. Anni said that she is.
Howard had the guys bring in this guy King James who was there with Anni. He had sex with her. Howard asked James if he knew what he was doing. James said he did. Howard spent a few minutes talking to him about that. He said it was disgusting hearing about this stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who said if they put this bitch on the Sybian he's not sure he can ever listen again. Another caller asked if they check for Alzheimers when they test them for other things. Howard asked if they do that. They were all laughing.
Another caller said that Anni should be ashamed of herself for doing this. Howard asked James about how much money he can make doing this stuff. He said he can make $100,000 a year or more. He said he knows guys who are making more than that.
Howard asked Anni about her husbands and if they were all horrible. She said they were pretty much all horrible. Howard asked about her father beating her and if she thinks she deserved that. She said that they didn't and he beat all of them. She said that her mother and sisters were all beaten. Howard asked where her sisters are now. Anni said that they're all dead. She said her middle sister was only 55 when she lost her. Anni said her older sister died at 70.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they have radio gold this morning. He said that Howard has managed to make millions of people throw up at the same time. Another caller said that she loves the show and this is phenomenal radio and she can't not have them to listen to every morning.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that the show has hit an all time low. He said it's repulsive behavior on Howard and Robin's part. He said that they should bring this old geezer up on animal cruelty charges. Anni just laughed. The caller asked if she's shaved. Howard said she is fully shaved. Howard said you can see everything in the studio this morning.
Howard said that Anni was wearing a blue negligee and her breasts are both hanging out. She has one implant because she had a mastectomy back in the 70s. Howard said that was a good implant. He said he didn't even know. He said that she must be a D-cup but Anni said she's just a C.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked King James about how he looks at his grandmother after doing this woman. James said it's not the same thing. James told the guy he has horrible logic. Howard asked if they have any down time where they get to know each other. James said they do have some time to do that.
Howard took another call from a guy who said this is hot. He said he called in during Blue Iris' first visit to the show too. He said this stuff is hot and they should check it out. There's nothing wrong with older ladies doing their thing. Howard asked Anni if she would ever pee in a diaper for a movie. Anni said she wouldn't do that.
Howard asked what the first election was that she voted in. Anni thought about that for a minute and said that she probably voted for Eisenhower. Howard asked who the first vote was for, Lincoln?
Anni said that she used to do porn on the web cams back in 2002 or so. She's been doing this longer than Howard thought. Howard figured she just got into it this year. Anni said she just got into it professionally this year.
Howard asked Anni if she's done anal. She said that some guys have tried but they can't get it in her ass. Howard said Anni has been around since before TV even came out. She said it came out when she was in high school. Anni said that the screen was green and white back then. Howard asked what her favorite radio show was back then. She said it was the Sunday Funnies. She said she liked The Green Hornet and The Shadow. Howard asked what the greatest invention was in her lifetime. Anni said that she'd have to say TV. Anni said that it's not the computer. She said TV brought the whole world together.
Howard took a call from a guy who joked that Whoopi was getting up and walking out of her house as they spoke. Another caller asked if Anni and James had sex last night.
Howard said Anni is something else. Howard asked when she lost her virginity. She said she was 15. She said she lost it to her high school sweetheart. Howard wrapped up with them and let the two of them go a short time later.
Howard said that he wanted them to tell Scott Greenstein that she's the Queen of Sweden so he walks her around there. Howard said that was some group they had there. Robin said she's not sure she's ever going to get over this.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they have to get Dave Lampert and Granny Anni in there. Howard said he was going to put her on the Sybian but he wasn't sure if he'd be able to handle it. Howard asked the TV guys if they wanted her on it. Scott DePace said he would have just walked out if they had put her on it. Howard said a bunch of people called in saying they'd cancel if they put her on it. Howard said that was quite a woman there. Howard said he loves that he's at the shrink 3 days a week and Anni isn't there at all. He said he's not sure if she's right about 9 out of 10 women having sex with their dogs.
Gary said he was surprised at how fast Sal went for it with her when he came in. Gary said he was repulsed by that. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and talked about how Michael Anthony is on that reality show with the rock and roll fantasy camp thing. Howard wondered if those guys need money. Gary said he heard that Sammy Hagar sold part of his tequila company for some crazy amount of money so he doesn't think he needs any money.
Brian Phelan saw Sammy Hagar open up for Aerosmith and he didn't have the money backing him so it was like seeing him at a bar. He said he saw that concert before the Steven Tyler / American Idol deal was made so he thinks that the band is done now. Brian said Aerosmith was really good too. Howard said that they should be watching bands from Sweden according to Scott Greenstein.
Howard asked Brian if he liked the granny lade. Brian said he wasn't turned on by that at all. Howard told Brian he'll have the Miss Howard TV in there later and that will cheer him up.
Howard gave Mark McGrath a plug for an appearance he's making at some pizza place today. He's with a bunch of other celebrities there. Robin asked if he's doing Celebrity Apprentice or something. Howard said he's not allowed to say. Howard said Mark just called and asked if they could help.
Howard said that they're looking for the hottest moms with the ugliest daughters for a contest. He said that's being sponsored by CougarLife.com.
In a second message Howard heard something about Eric the Midget and Jimmy but Robin wasn't hearing that. Robin asked him to restart it. Howard played it again and he thought he heard Mr. T and that he wanted to hug Eric the Midget. Robin didn't think that's what it was. Howard said he's pretty sure that's what it was. Robin thought Pete was saying that he wasn't a midget. Howard had no clue. No one else did either.
Howard said Eric the Midget was calling Gary's voice mail too. Eric said that he heard that Gary said his IQ wouldn't score as high as Sal's. Eric went off on him about that. He said that he's glad that he didn't accept his blurb on his book and his book will bore the hell out of anyone who reads it.
Howard had Eric on the phone so he asked him if he's doing the IQ test. Eric said he has video proof that he called the guy to set up an appointment. Howard said he has to go and prove that he is smarter than Sal.
Howard asked Eric if he understood Asian Pete's voice mail. Eric said he didn't understand any of it. Howard thought Pete was saying Eric's name for some reason. Robin said she thinks he's wrong about that.
Howard said he hopes Eric can prove people wrong. He said that he said that 9 plus 5 was 45. Eric said he thought it was 9 times 5 and his hearing was affected by hearing Mr. T yelling for an hour. Eric said he wanted to shoot himself in the head after hearing that old bag on the show. He even had sound effects that he played.
Howard asked what 6 plus 9 plus 8 is. Eric said he's not answering any math questions. Howard told him to prove how smart he is. Eric said he's not answering math questions. Gary said he's not going to score 100 on the IQ test then. Howard thanked Eric for the call and let him go.
Howard played some audio of the guy who was saying ''the rent's too damn high'' in his speech. Howard said Cuomo even said that he was right and quoted him. Howard played that clip too. Howard said he might have to vote for that guy.
Howard read that she can make $1,500 a day doing those shows. Howard asked if it's hard work. Devon said it's not that hard but some of the guys are creepy. She said they jerk off and some of them have really weird cocks. She said some of them have such big cocks they use two hands to jerk off.
Howard asked Devon about how she gets paid. She said the guys have to buy tokens and then they use them to ''tip' her with the tokens. She said that she once got a $10,000 tip from a guy. She said that some guys just want you to notice them so that's what they do. She said that she has met some of the guys when she had a party once. She said that she doesn't have sex at those parties though. Howard read that some of the girls are making like $70,000 a month doing this.
Howard asked Devon where she went to school. She went to school to be a dental hygienist. She said she likes doing this much better.
Devon said that she likes to work in the afternoon because she gets married business guys in her chat. She also gets gifts in the mail all the time. She has a guy who sends her like $3,000 a week for no particular reason other than to get her attention. Howard said she has to keep her body looking good to keep this going.
Howard read that Devon had a guy give her $1,200 just to get a date with her. She said she had a bidding thing where they had to give her that much in tokens to win the date.
Howard asked Devon how she masturbates. She said she has a bunch of vibrators and stuff that she uses. Howard said that Devon used to have a male roommate and she used to do swinger parties with him. They put a stop to that when Craigslist put an end to the adult section. She said that's when she found the cam thing. Devon said that they had a lot of unattractive 40-ish people at the swinging parties. She said that one woman had a train going on her once. That was like 5 guys on her at once.
Howard asked Devon about the parties she had and how that worked. She said that they took ''donations'' from the people for the parties. Howard asked how many guys she's banged in her life. Devon said that it's not a lot actually. Howard said that it sounds like she's getting away with murder doing this stuff. She said that's the way it feels sometimes. She said that she loves doing the shows on Sunday because that's when the soccer moms are out of the house and the husbands are on the computer.
Howard asked Devon about the guys she's been with and what she likes from them. Devon told Howard about that stuff and said that she has fantasies about her gynecologists going down on her and things like that. She said she's never told any of them that stuff.
Howard said it sounds like she's very hot and very sexual. Howard asked if she's ever had sex with a celebrity. She said she hasn't. Howard said he read that she and her friend used to shove things up each other's asses when they were kids. She said that they were just having fun doing that and it wasn't a sexual thing.
Gary said the TV guys were asking if she wanted to ride the Sybian. Devon said she was interested actually. Howard said he'd throw her some tokens if he had any. Devon said she had never been on one before so this was her first ride. Gary showed her how to get on it and how she was going to ride it. Howard had her get on and Gary started the thing right up. He jacked up the power pretty quickly too. Devon was moaning the whole time. She finished about a minute later. She said that it felt kind of good going up her ass the way it was. She asked if she could buy one. Gary said she could and they're about $1,200.
Howard told Robin to get on that thing and ride it. Robin said she was fine. Devon said that she liked it and she may just buy one. Howard said she could write it off on her taxes since she'd be using it for her business.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that she's a stupid cunt. He was angry at her for making money from guys who just jerk off. Jeff said he's going to have to watch himself jerk off. Howard said he shouldn't be so bitter. He wrapped up with Devon a minute later and then went to break.
Howard came back and said that they had a strong drummer in that band. He said he was very crisp. Howard said he learned about that stuff from the reality show he's been watching.
Howard said Crazy Alice has been ranting about Robin in the voice mail. He played one of her calls where she said she'll miss Howard and all of the males on the show. She won't miss Robin though. Alice called Robin all kinds of racist names. Robin said they didn't mean anything to her. She said she's not any of those things Alice is calling her. She said it doesn't bother her at all. She also said that Howard eats dicks too but it was just the one line at the end of the call.
Howard said that Big Foot was calling them about his problems too. He's got a bunch of things going on. He said he feels bad for the guy. He said he has a lot of stuff going on in his life.
Howard played the clip of Big Foot he had. It was actually Big Foot talking to Will. Big Foot said he's been shot at and he had Scabies. Big foot said he was being threatened and stuff and he didn't do anything to anyone. Big Foot said he can't even go outside without the cops threatening him. Will asked him how he got scabies. Big Foot was saying he's been infested with a bunch of bugs. He asked Will to play over the airwaves exactly what he was telling him. Big Foot sounded very angry and kept ranting and raving about this stuff. He said he found a dead body about 10 years ago and the woman had no head. He said she was caught under a tire. Big Foot told Will to send up their news crew if they wanted to know more. Howard said Big foot had a lot going on there.
Howard said he had a message from Wendy the Retard too. She was calking in worried about how she was going to do her Christmas shopping if Howard leaves. She said that she needs money from him to shop. Howard said she starts in about him leaving too. Wendy said she will have to use her government money if he leaves. Howard said he doesn't want her touching that. Howard said she always manages to wrangle money out of him instead. Howard said he doesn't get any money from the government. Wendy said she was trying to figure out what to do there. Howard said he knows what she has to do. No one else is taking her calls. He said she could get a job. He said they do have jobs for retarded people.
Howard said there's a reality show out there about two retarded people who got married. He said the show was great. Robin said she knew it was going to be up his alley. She said that Howard said he wasn't going to watch it. Howard said he loved the show. Howard said it's not easy for them to find jobs but they do.
Howard played more of Wendy's voice mail where she's saying that she's trying to get thing done for her and her family and she's trying to figure out how to do it all. She said that if Howard leaves then she'll have to use her government money.
Gary came in and said that Jason is usually the one who takes care of Wendy. He said that she has been priming the pump for a while now. She also spent the last money they sent to her on video games at the mall and then claimed that she was robbed. They've spoken to her mom too and she says they're doing fine and Wendy doesn't need the money as bad as she says they do.
Howard said that Bubba and Brent worked with Randy Michaels and they loved him. Howard said their lives fell apart when they got fired though. Howard said Kevin was a virus in his life.
Steve was staring at Howard and Howard told him he's really creepy. Howard said the guy is really intense. Howard said Steve pays attention way too hard. He said he should look at Robin instead of him. Howard said the guy's eyes just bore into you. Howard asked what else he had.
Steve said that Sam Simon told a wild story about Norm MacDonald on Greg Fitzsimmons show last night. He also had a story about Pastor James David Manning who claims that he had hackers take over his web site saying that he was gay. Fred played some clips of Manning that they've played on the show.
Steve said this is the 5th anniversary of the day they started doing news reports on Howard 100. Howard said Steve was one of the first. Steve said that he was there in October but there were more there before him. Howard said he remembers tuning in for the first time and how they used to have to call it ''Ehh, ehh, ehh'' on K-Rock. Howard said that's pretty cool it was 5 years ago today.
Howard asked Steve what he's going to do if he doesn't stick around. Steve said he'll move on to the next thing. He'll stick with Howard if that's what he wants.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. Jon mentioned the Granny Anni thing and that a dog's load is saltier than a human's. Robin asked why he had to bring that up again. Howard said he's not going to be listening to the Wrap Up Show if that's what they're going to talk about.
Robin read a story about a bank robber who handed a teller a note and walked out of the bank with $7,000. Then he had a change of heart and walked back in returning the money. He was still arrested. Howard said that was a little bit tough for him. Robin said that they don't say anything about a weapon. Howard said it sounds like he's a little unstable. He said he would give him probation or something. Howard said there's a problem because people can get hurt robbing a bank. He said someone could have had a heart attack or something like that. Howard said he would throw the guy in jail for a couple of months. Robin said he may need some counseling. Howard said he would be a little lenient there.
Robin asked Howard what should happen between Cablevision and FOX. Howard said no matter what the cost is going to be passed along to the customer. Howard said the cable companies are ridiculous with the amount of money they charge. Robin said that FOX is making tons of money and they're still demanding to be paid outrageous amounts to be on these cable companies. Howard said something has to be done. He said that there is no competition in the cable industry. Robin said there should be more government intervention with rates because it is like a utility and it's the only way you can get it. Howard said he gives Robin and A+ on that thought. Howard said he would like to put new cables everywhere and give people a choice. Howard said he should run for governor and run under ''The cable is too damn high'' party.
Robin said that FOX and Cablevision are having this dispute and only the customers are suffering. There are politicians who are upset about this and trying to get them to come to some kind of settlement.
Robin read about a man in the paper who is suing Bumble Bee after getting mercury poisoning after eating about 10 cans of tuna a day. Robin said that he came down with some kind of mystery illness and they did some testing and found that his mercury levels were twice what they should be. Robin said they felt it was Bumble Bee's fault because of the tuna he was eating.
Robin said that Homer Simpson is catholic according to the Vatican's official newspaper. Robin read about the article they wrote and Howard said he has never watched a Simpson's cartoon. He said they've been on forever and he's never seen one episode.
Robin read about the doctor who is responsible for the Octomom's kids being up for review. He could lose his license over the whole thing. Howard said that the mom is a nut job but you'd think the doctor would regulate it. Robin said that's the problem. Howard said that a normal doctor wouldn't let this woman do something crazy like that when she's got 6 kids already.
Robin was wondering who is vetting these reality TV stars. She said this guy Jamal Rashid was just sentenced to life in prison for first degree murder in the slaying of a man in San Francisco. Howard said there was another guy who was on reality TV recently and he was wanted for some big crime. Robin said this was the guy. She read about what the guy did and how he was recognized on the show. Howard read a live commercial and took a quick break after that.
Howard came back and had Robin get back to her news. Robin read a story about a phony Tiger Woods sex tape that was out there. They have admitted it was a phony tape.
Robin read about the flight attendant who jumped off a plane on one of the escape slides. He has to go through counseling to get off on his charges. The Judge didn't find it funny at all.
Howard said he was reading about how Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's best friend is Mindy Cohen from the Facts of Life. Howard said that's a weird relationship. Howard said he hasn't heard anything that weird since he heard that Granny Anni is friends with Britney Spears.
Robin read a story about a gay man who found out he can't work with his son's Boy Scout troop because he's gay. Robin said that he can't play in a leadership position because of that.
Howard said he read that Robin was at a pork festival to promote vegetables. Robin said she didn't go, it was some kids who went there. Robin said they weren't trying to convert them ether. They were just offering side dishes of vegetables. Howard said he imagined Robin running around ruining their good time. Robin said she wasn't there and they weren't trying to ruin anyone's good time. Robin said she doesn't post everything on that account but most of the time it is her. She said right now she has a link to a chance to win a tour of the studio up on her Twitter account.
Howard said he was reading about Tony Curtis and that led to him talking about some of the great movies he was in. Howard went through a bunch of those and talked with Robin about a few.
Robin read a story about Johnson and Johnson recalling Tylenol after some people complained about a moldy smell. Howard said they had some other problems in the past. Robin said they pulled millions of bottles off the shelves earlier this year. Robin said the recall is voluntary.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what happened on Wheel of Fortune that made him respect Pat Sajak for walking off. Howard said he said that Pat had walked off because he didn't want to be on the show with him. He said he was fine with that and he was told ahead of time about it. Howard said the guy is a big no-talent so he was fine with it. Howard said you can't just walk off the show like Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg did. Howard just made the appearance with Vanna White. He just walked on at the end with his book or his movie poster or whatever. He said he wanted to be exposed to that audience because it's huge. He said he took advantage of that opportunity.
The caller asked if Letterman said anything to him about his attitude. Howard said they spoke to Dave's producer about it and they made some changes. Howard said it's like Whoopi making faces at guests on The View. He said it's disrespectful. Howard said she was making faces at Bill O'Reilly and you just can't do that to a guest. He said they're not going to do their best if they have to deal with that. Howard wasn't sure why he was going over that again. He went over it earlier this morning.
Howard said Jay Leno walked off his own show too when he was on. Howard said they edited that out of the show though. He said the guy was a no-talent fuck and he could have taken the show over that night. He said that they edited it all out after they talked Jay into coming back. Howard said Jay could have just asked him to leave instead. Howard said they got huge ratings with that show and Jay changed his tune within a couple of days. They replayed the show and Jay invited him back on not long after that. Howard said the guy is a phony.
Howard said Arsenio Hall is a phony too. He had the cops come in to remove him from the building. Howard said Arsenio had him go back stage saying that he wanted him to come back later in the show. Then the cops came and escorted them out. Howard said he had Gary upgraded to first class on the flight home so he could sit next to him and talk about what had happened. Then Gary just fell asleep. He said nothing phases Gary. He said he's barely human. Howard said he wishes he could get his money back for that upgrade. Robin said Gary should have said that he wouldn't be there for him.
Howard said Gary had some fresh squeezed orange juice and just fell asleep. He said he had never flown first class before so that was new to him. Howard said he had his shoes off and his big, hairy toes were out. Howard said he would rather sit next to Granny Anni on the plane. He said Gary was snoring and he got up and had dry mouth so he was licking his choppers. Howard said they were literally thrown out of the building there on Arsenio. Howard said he asked Gary if he had gone too far that night. He said Gary just slept. Howard said he should have thrown Gary out of the plane when he fell asleep. He said it was so annoying. Howard said ''I said you were annoying, not a noine.'' Howard goofed on Gary for a couple of minutes about falling asleep. Howard said he should have fired him right then and there. Howard said he'd be done with him now if he had.
Robin got back to her news and read about how NFL player Junior Seau drove his SUV off a cliff after the cops tried to pull him over. He survived the crash and he was released from jail on Monday.
Robin read about how the Crystal Cathedral is bankrupt. Robin read that the 7,000 member church was filing for bankruptcy. Howard said he loves hearing about things like that.
Robin read about how one of the Chilean miners got an offer from AshleyMadison.com to be a spokesperson but they are demanding that he stay together with his wife. Howard said he can't guarantee that. Robin said he would have to do that to be the spokesperson. Howard and Robin spent a couple of minutes talking about how cheap they could get those miners for. Howard said he should hire all 33 to be Santa at their Christmas party this year.
Robin read that the miners were stuck in the mine for 17 days before they were found and they were all just sitting there waiting to die. Howard said he'd like to know what they make a year down there. Howard said he might just buy one of those guys and have him stand in his front yard as a lamp holder.
Robin read about Air Marshalls and how they're saying that they shouldn't be sitting in first class. Howard said he wants them to sit wherever they want as long as he's safe. Robin said they're asking the government to change where they seat the Air Marshalls. They want them further back in the cabin though. Howard said it's probably about the money and selling that one extra seat. Robin said you don't want the terrorists to get past first class. They can always get back to coach.
Robin read that starting on December 1st people will have to supply their first name and some other personal information to get on an airplane. Robin said that some airlines are already demanding that information.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked if she can take the IQ test. Howard said he's not interested in knowing what her IQ is. Howard said he's curious about Bobo's IQ. Howard hung up on Mariann in the middle of a sentence about a game she had in mind for Robin.
Another caller said he has a bent penis but every girl he's been with loves it. He said it's not painful at all. He said that it kind of goes up and to the left. Howard said some women find it painful. The caller said he's been with a Miss Howard Stern (TV?) and he goes to the Playboy mansion every year too. Howard let that guy go a short time later.
Robin read about a girl who appeared topless in a jeans ad. She asked Howard what he would do if his daughter did that. Howard said he thinks he'd be alright with that. He said he would prefer they didn't do that though. Robin said that Mick Jagger's daughter is doing that for Hudson Jeans. Howard said he'd be bummed but it's not the worst thing in the world. He said those jeans ads can be kind of tasteful. Howard said he'd be okay with Beth doing an ad like that.
Robin read some music and movie news after that. She had some audio clips of some people talking about their movies. She had Steve-O talking about Jackass 3D. She also had some news about the new Predators movie. Howard said he can't wait to see that. He didn't know it was already in theaters. Howard said he'll have to get it on DVD. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:50am.
Gary also mentioned that he's booked to do the Rachel Ray show. Robin is doing the show soon too. Gary said that he's been getting the same excuses for not having him on various shows. He said that he's getting bitten in the ass just like guests do when they call him to get on. Jon asked if there are any shows he hasn't been booked on that he really wants to be on. Gary said he wanted to be on the CBS Sunday morning show but they haven't booked him. He said that it's only 17 days away so he's not sure that they're going to have time if they haven't booked him now.
Gary said he's doing Letterman next week and then Beth is interviewing him for Extra and then it's non-stop book signings and media after that. He said that Steve Langford told him that he understands why he's nervous but he doesn't think he should be nervous about talking anywhere.
Gary said that's insane. He asked why he would think that. Sal said that Granny Anni isn't going to college and trying to make money. He said he gets the feeling that the old broads are really into sex when they do this kind of thing. Gary asked if he really thinks that they're in it for the sex. Sal said that the money helps but they must really love doing it. He said he doesn't think that any woman that age would do it unless they really loved it. Sal said he gets the feeling that they're insatiable and they can't get enough of it.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary about his book and if he's doing anything up in Maine. Gary said he doesn't have enough time to go everywhere so he's only getting up as far as Boston. The caller also said that he almost fell out of his truck when he heard Sal in the studio this morning. Sal said he was having fun with her and he has to admit that her snapper wasn't exactly what he was looking for. He said he was hoping for something cleaner and tighter. Sal said she had a nice body though. Gary said for a woman her age she was in pretty good shape. Jon asked if he knew what was going to be under that rain coat. Gary said that's what you see in the Playboy cartoons on old ladies. Sal said her raincoat looked like Felix Unger's raincoat from The Odd Couple.
Jon asked Sal about the salty load from the dog and if he knew that. Sal said that was really bad and wrong. He didn't know that it was a salty load either. Gary said he felt it was even more wrong that she adopted a dog and then did what she did. Sal said that a dog can't get upset so it can't be that bad. He said that it must be really fucking with a dog's head though. He said he's speechless over that.
A woman called in and said that she threw up a little when she heard that dog thing this morning. She said she had to change the channel this morning for the first time ever. Sal asked if she heard the salty dog cum story. The caller said she hadn't heard that. She had changed the channel already.
The caller asked if they think Howard wants to be on Letterman to promote his contract renewal. Gary said that he doesn't think Howard will go on unless he has something to promote. He said it would be kind of weird if he did go on and didn't have anything to promote.
Sal asked if he could do a game where they have human semen and dog semen in there and have Anni taste it. Gary said he's going to squash that now. He doesn't want any semen in the studio.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they were afraid that this old woman's uterus was going to fall out. Gary said they weren't worried about that at all. The caller also said he thinks Gary's book is going to be great. He said they only have like 25 days left there and he thinks they're nuts if they're not looking for jobs. Gary said they have 25 shows and not days. He said their contracts are up at the end of the year. The caller said he thinks that they'll be back. He said if they don't come back then satellite radio is finished.
Jon told the caller they really have no idea what's going on but Howard has said he wants to continue working. He said that they have faith in Howard that they'll be taken care of in one way or another. Jon said he's not sure if it'll be there or somewhere else. Gary said the fear is that if it's not there then they're not sure if there will be any down time if he goes somewhere else. Gary said they may have to go find work for 3 months and then come back. Gary said he thinks that more people would jump ship if they thought Howard was going to retire.
The caller said he thinks that Howard could have a studio in his house and do that. Gary said that can sometimes be a bad thing and sometimes you want to get out of the house and keep work separate. The caller said he's been a fan for a long time.
Sal and the caller talked about living out on Long Island and shared some stories about that. Sal told some stories about how his father moved them around when the black people moved into their neighborhood. He said they had to move a few times because of that. Sal said his dad pulled him out of class one day and he heard his father talking to the principal about why he was moving and he was really embarrassed by what he said.
Jon took a call from a guy who congratulated Gary on his book. The caller said that he almost threw up when Granny was talking about blowing the dog. Gary said that's not something someone fesses up to every day. The caller also said that his buddy's sister banged a German Sheppard and she said it was the best she ever had. He said he watched some of that for a minute and then he got freaked out and left. He said he thinks there's more of that going on than they know about.
Richard came in and said that his buddy once jerked off his dog Chunk with a spoon. He said everyone was dying laughing. Gary asked how he did that with a spoon. Richard said he was like 11 at the time. He said that Chunk was in the living room and his buddy had a spoon and he started rubbing the spoon on the dog's package. He said that the dog started hunching like it was humping so they were all laughing. He said the dog hunched his hind end and it made them laugh. Richard did an impression of the dog hunching which made Jon laugh.
Richard said that sometimes dogs get stuck together when they have sex and they had two stuck together and they were trying to walk in different directions as they were ass to ass. The male dog had turned himself around somehow and he couldn't get away from the female.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he doesn't get why people were so freaked out by the dog thing. He said it's funny shit. He said he doesn't get what the big deal was. Jon said that it was funny but some people think it's a little off putting. The caller also said that he thinks that they will be back next year. He said they wouldn't pick up Geektime for another season without Howard. Gary said that all comes to an end if Howard leaves. Jon said they were only picked up for as long as Howard is there.
Another caller said that Granny Anni interview is burned into his memory and he won't be able to forget it. They spent a minute talking about that.
Gary said that JD has talked about seeing a girl having a dog licking peanut butter off a girl so maybe they should get him in there. Richard said JD hates talking about this stuff.
Jon played a clip of Anni talking about the dog thing and how she had the dog on top of her. After that clip Sal said that the dog knew where to put his pecker and that's pretty amazing if you think about it. He said it's phenomenal if you think about it.
JD came in and said that he has no dog fetish. He said he stupidly said something on the air once and he's not going to revisit that. Jon asked what he said. Gary said he remembers. Gary said that when JD was with that KissyPhur chick he asked her to put peanut butter on her vagina and have the dog lick it off. JD said that was the most fucked up thing he could think of at the time. He said it didn't actually happen because she said no to him.
Richard told some more stories about what went on when they jerked off Chunk the dog. Richard said his parents must be freaking out now. He said that they will laugh when they hear who it was that jerked the dog off.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's into the mature women doing porn. He said that it's hot. Gary said it doesn't work for everyone. He asked the guy if he would prefer that over a 35 year old woman. He said for the porn thing he would prefer it. The guy said that it's just something different for him. He said there is a taboo there too.
Gary said he's wondering how much time you have to spend on the internet to see the same thing over and over again. Richard asked if he gets tired of teen anal. Gary said that isn't his thing. He said it's funny when he brings it up because that's really not his thing. He said there isn't even such a thing out there. Sal said they have tons of Teen Anal out there on TubeGalore.com. Sal told Gary about how much of that stuff is actually out there.
Jerry O'Connell called in and said that the reason they love Sal is because he commits. He said that anyone listening can learn a lesson now. He said that Sal really does commit. He asked if they consider it animal cruelty or just showing a dog a good time. Gary said that you're not hurting the dog physically but mentally you don't really know. He said that you really don't know if the dog is having a good time or not.
Sal thinks that declawing a cat is worse than jerking off a dog. Sal said that shoving a broomstick up a dog's ass would be wrong. He said that would be hurting the dog. Sal said that he'd guess that being gentle with the dog would be much better than hurting it.
Gary said that his Vet once shoved two fingers up his dog's ass to get a stool sample and the dog's expression didn't change at all. He said he would have a totally different reaction if he had that done to him.
Ralph called in and said that you know Richard did that hunching stuff all the time because he has a term for the dog hunching. Jon asked if he thinks it was his buddy or if it was really Richard. Ralph said it's kind of like rape and everyone who was there is guilty. Richard said that dogs will hunch even when they're not being jerked off. Ralph said there is no way Richard is smarter than him. He said there's no way that's possible.
Gary said he misses Benjy when he's not on the show. He said he'd be defending this stuff if he was in there. Jon told Ralph to tune into the replay now to hear what went on. They had to go to break after that.
Jon asked JD what he thinks about that. JD said he'd pick Lisa to fire. He said that she can be annoying at times. JD said that Shuli gets some good interviews so he'd have a hard time making a decision on who to let go. JD said Lisa hasn't really done anything to him other than saying that he doesn't look good. He said she's not a team player either. JD said that sometimes she doesn't like to do things they ask her to do.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he has listened to Howard for a long time but he thinks that he's busted balls a lot more lately. He said he thinks he's weeding people out now. JD was just laughing as the caller was talking. Gary asked what he thinks that Howard is getting ready for. The caller said he thinks Howard is burned out with the direction he's going and he's trying to keep things fresh. He said he thinks Howard is going to go in a different direction and focus on TV maybe.
Jon asked the caller if he thinks that anyone but Benjy is borderline at this point. The caller said he thinks Howard likes JD and some other good people but he's not so sure about Richard. He asked what's wrong with someone like Richard who has guys around him who jerk off dogs. The caller said that Ralph is another one who thinks he's better than everyone else.
Jon thanked the guy for the call and asked the rest of the guys if they think anyone else is borderline. Gary said that Benjy being late is one thing. He said that if they stay there and they still have to work on their own deals, he'd be going out of his way to show how important he is to the show. Benjy isn't doing that. He said that's just odd behavior. Jon said it's not just ''good for the air'' either. Shuli said if it bothered Howard as much as they think then you'd think he'd be gone by now. Gary said that Howard is very upset about it and he just never fires anyone.
Wheels called in and asked who Gary would fire, Will or Jason. Gary said that they do two completely different things there. He said that neither one of them would be fired. Wheels asked JD who he would fire. JD said he would let Jason go because he has the best Fantasy Football team. JD said he doesn't want to say who he'd fire for real. He said he loves both of them and doesn't want to see either one go. Shuli told him to pick one. JD just said ''I love Jason'' and that's all he was going to say.
Gary said that Jason does a lot of organizational stuff there and Will does other stuff so they're both important to him. He said that he goes to Jason about 20 times a day but not to Will... but Will does very important work. Gary said that the show would suffer greatly without either one of them. Wheels said that he's a diplomat.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Howard doesn't really need a cataract to stay there. He said he could work week to week or month to month. Gary said he doesn't think that they want to do that. He's never seen Howard do that before so he doesn't think he'll start now.
Jon asked Sal and Richard if they were nervous when Howard was picking between the two of them. Sal said it's come up before and it's always nerve wracking. Richard said they're a team and you can't just get rid of one of them. Gary said that they should talk to Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin about that. They were a team too. Jon asked Richard if he would leave if Sal got fired. Richard said they work great together and it's like one mind so he can't imagine doing it by himself. Gary asked if he would go to work for Jimmy Fallon by himself. Richard said he'd demand that they hire both of them as a team. Sal said he would want Richard to take that job. He said he'd have to take it and they've talked about that. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how impressed he is with Willow Smith who was on BET yesterday. Howard said this kid is so affected and he's not sure how you get your kid to be that way so young. Howard said this kid has it down and he's not sure if you train them that way or what. Robin said that she's been trained by the best, her parents. Howard said the kid is paying off though. Robin said they are in the business and they've had some success when most people are wannabes. Robin said you'd think that you'd want your kid to have a care free life instead of making them working kids.
Howard said the host on BET sounds like he's saying ''birfday'' when he's talking to this kid. He played a clip of the interview and Willow was talking about how excited she was for this event she was at. The hosts of the show were talking about her song ''Whip My Hair Back'' and how huge the song has gotten. They said it's like a movement. The kid said it makes her feel like she's ''making a difference.'' Howard said he's 56 and he wrote a song about hitting his head against the wall. He said he can't believe a 9 year old is doing so well.
Howard played more of the clip and said he wishes he had a rehearsal at 9 years old. He said he used to have a band but not when he was 9 years old. He said he had a rehearsal but his mom didn't like it too much. It was too noisy for her. Howard said it gave her a headache. Howard said that was ''Electric Comic Book formerly known as the Plumber's Union.''
Howard said this kid sounds very precocious. He said he was having trouble pausing the audio clip. Gary said JD just told him he got to the end. Howard played another clip where the hosts asked Willow if her parents understand things like Twitter. Willow said they don't and then she told the hosts how she has to teach her parents how to use Twitter. She has someone called Miss Mia who helps her open her computer first thing in the morning. Robin said that must be nice having someone help you open your computer every morning.
Howard said sometimes he has Tracey opening his computer for him at work. He said they have a weird system there and they have to have someone log him into the system. He said they guard everything like it's NASA around there.
The hosts asked Willow if her parents understand her style and her swagger. Willow said they do. The audience cheered. Howard said he saw some video that Jada Pinkett Smith was in and she was pretty hot in that. He said she must be good in bed based on what he saw.
Howard said the movie is the history of Shea stadium and also the last concert that Billy played there. Howard said the movie is good and he figured out how much that stadium really meant to him. He said he went there as a kid and it was a big deal to him and his dad. Howard said they had a good time when they'd go there and it was a really nice stadium when it was first built.
Howard told some stories about the things they talk about in this movie. He talked about how they designed it so there wasn't a bad view in the whole place. Howard said Billy Joel understood how important that stuff was and brought out this movie. Howard said they interviewed a bunch of players who played there over the years. Howard said they had a whole history in the movie. He said the film isn't even a baseball film or a concert film but they have all of that stuff in the film. He said it was tough to even describe the movie.
Howard said Billy had a sheriff's badge on in the movie and he wasn't sure what that was about. He said that the Beatles used to come out dressed alike back in the day and one time Paul McCartney came out with a sheriff's badge on and Billy picked up on that. That's why he was wearing the badge.
Howard said Billy will be calling in today and he'll be talking more about that film. Howard said they have Alec Baldwin as the narrator in the movie. Robin said that she's going to call it a documentary but Howard wasn't sure if that was what it was. Gary said that's what the movie company is calling it. Robin said they're calling Jackass 3D a documentary too. Howard said it's a documentary about mental patients. Howard said they have to be mentally ill to do what they do. Howard said it's crazy what they do.
Howard said Johnny Knoxville is a very nice and sweet guy but he has this wild sort of mental illness. Howard said Johnny used to write him letters about coming on the show to stun gun himself. He said they went to Tom Chiusano to find out if they could do that and Tom would say no. He said a year later Johnny was on MTV. Howard said they used to go out and do the stunts and just sell the shows to MTV. That way they didn't have to get permission to do it from MTV. Howard said he dos find Jackass funny and he has friends that just don't get it. He said that slapstick makes him laugh. Howard said he likes the guys and their childish behavior.
Howard said those guys don't give a fuck and he admires that. He said he wishes he could be so free. Howard said he's filled with the fears that his mother and father had. He said he took all of their fears and anxieties. Howard said he's fascinated by that. Howard said Beth was laughing at him for still being in the boot for his broken toe. He said that he freaks out just thinking about going into cold water. He can hear his mother telling him everything that could go wrong if he did. He said he's afraid to walk out the door because of that stuff.
Howard said Billy Joel's songs all seem to have a sense of doom in them. Howard said they allude to that in the documentary. He said he senses that too. Howard said Billy had a very sad childhood. He's going to talk to him about that when he calls in. He said the guy drives him crazy because he smokes cigarettes. He said he has that beautiful instrument and he's abusing it. Howard said he knows that Billy still smokes too and it drives him crazy. Robin wondered why they still have so much smoking on TV and in movies.
Howard said Billy has his brother in the movie. He has to bring that up to Billy too. He said he has to save that for when he's on the phone though. It's all fresh in his head from seeing the movie though.
Howard said he's got a theory on tattoos. He said the more you have the more damaged he sees people. Howard said he thinks it's a way for someone to tell their parents to get the hell out of their body or something like that. Howard said it's like the Jackass guys doing their stunts and doing anything to be seen. He said it's a desperate grab. Robin said there are guys doing that kind of stuff all the time and people show up to see it. Howard said he'd love to psychoanalyze those people.
Howard said he finds it funny that these guys worship Evel Knievel. Howard said he thinks Bubba is one of those guys too. He said Bubba is a pisser. He said everyone is up to something and it's crazy.
Howard said there was some guy there at the game running around complaining about Cameron Diaz dating A-Rod. Howard said the guy is going to be evaluated by some psychiatrists today. Howard said the guy was upset about A-Rod fouling our ''white goddesses.'' Howard and the guys spent a short time going over that stuff.
Howard mentioned some of the wacky stuff the crazy guy was rambling about and there was something about Osama bin Laden trying to show off for Whitney Houston or something. Benjy had some more information about that. Howard said he had to find the quote in the paper about that. Howard found the article and read some details about that.
In the article they said the guy's name was Grim LeRogue and he had 5 pictures with him when he ran out on the field. He had a picture of A-Rod with a gun pointed at his head. Howard said you can't fuck around with guys like this. He said you have to be careful when someone is that nutty.
Howard said this kid doesn't like ''the brown'' Alex Rodriguez but he's a fan of Osama bin Laden. Howard said the guy sounds pretty strange. Howard read about some of the other pictures he had with him and what he had scribbled on them. Howard said he was arrested and taken away to be evaluated. Howard said he'd love to interview this guy.
Howard said the kid's mother said this doesn't sound like her son at all. She said he's 33 years old and she didn't think he was like this.
Howard said he remembers that Tom Bosley was put in a show where he played a priest who was a crime solver. It was called the Father Dowling Mysteries. Howard said he would fight crime as a priest. He said it was the bizarro show of all time. He said he can't believe that they actually approved that to put on TV. Howard said he can't imagine why anyone would want to see that show but it did okay for like two seasons. Howard said it had no business being on TV or even being written. He said it made no sense at all and no executive should have approved it.
Howard said Bosley used to be the spokesperson for Glad garbage bags too. He said his bags never leaked. Howard said Bosley is dead now. He said Happy Days got really lame toward the end. He said Fonzie became almost super hero like and Mr. C became a complete retard. He had to go to Fonzie for advice. Howard said that's ridiculous. Howard said Fonzie was supposed to be a greaser and a mean guy. He turned out to be like the neighborhood cop. Gary said that show really did get weird. He said Fonzie and Mr. C entered a dance contest together in one episode.
Howard said they ran out of ideas for Happy Days. The show just went on too long. Howard said he thinks that Ron Howard kept in touch with everyone from the show. He even stayed in touch with Anson Williams. Howard said that's how nice Ron is. Howard said that guy is tremendous in that way. He said he didn't put him in any of his movies though. Howard said that Ron didn't keep in touch with Erin Moran though. Howard said he interviewed her and she had those bugged out crazy eyes.
Robin said they still run the infomercials that Billy Mays made. She said that he's dead but they still run his commercials. Howard said he never sees any of those commercials. Robin said they have those Sham Wow commercials too. Howard said those things look like they can do a lot of stuff. That led to Howard playing a prank call Sal and Richard did with Gary the Retard using Billy Mays clips. They had Billy asking Gary if he had hard water stains in his toilet and things like that. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Billy put out an album that they had in high speed. Fred said he thinks that they put it out at the right speed later. Fred said they recorded it at a slow speed and when they mastered it they had played it at the wrong speed. Howard said Billy talked about that in his documentary and he said he just threw that album away. Howard said they called that the Chipmunk album.
Fred played one of the songs from the album but it was a live version. Howard said he thinks that they must have reissued that album. Fred wasn't able to tell from the system they use there.
Howard said they have this Hottest Mom / Ugliest Daughter contest coming up. You can find out how to enter at Sirius.com/Howard.
Howard said he heard the guys talking about how they had 20 shows left but then High Pitch Mike Morales was saying they have 30. He said someone just told him he has 29. Howard said he's not sure why Richard would say 20. Robin said he must have been guessing.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa said they tracked down Ron Isley yesterday. Howard asked why they did that. Robin said they did it because Howard ran into him. Howard said it wasn't him, it was a different guy. Lisa said they spoke to Ron about the ''Fight the Power'' song and who wrote it. Howard said he has to ask Billy Joel why he said ''don't take any bullshit from anyone'' at the end of his concert at Shea. Howard said maybe that's a ''fight the power'' kind of thing.
Robin said that she was listening to the Wrap Up Show with Sal talking about how his father used to move just to get away from black people. Howard said he wishes his parents were like that. Howard said it was terribly racist but he wishes his parents did the same thing. Howard said they stuck it out in Roosevelt for the longest time.
Howard played a clip from the Wrap Up Show with Sal talking about his father moving them around. Sal talked about how shocking it was when he heard his father telling the principal why they were moving and how embarrassing it was. Gary asked Howard if he believes that Sal was speechless. Howard said no.
Lisa told Howard they have a story about Robin and a film she's helping to promote. The movie is about school lunches. Howard had to interrupt because Billy Joel was on the phone.
Howard said that there was a comedian who did a bit about Billy in his act. He said it was Michael Ian Black and he was wondering what Billy must think when he's invited to a party when a piano is going to be there. Billy said he had a story to tell about that. First he corrected Howard about his smoking. Billy said that he does not smoke anymore. He quit a year ago. Howard said he guesses he hasn't seen him in a year then.
Billy told Howard a story about Jackie Onassis' sister Lee Radziwill. He said that he went to a party where they had a piano. He said he was just goofing around playing goofy songs on the piano there at the party. Later that summer he was invited to this party that Lee Radziwill threw. He said that he was at the party and all of a sudden they wheeled out this big piano. He was just invited there to be the entertainment. He said he bolted from the party.
Howard said you see women swooning in this documentary that Billy is in. He said that Elle McPherson and Christy Brinkley were in the movie and he thinks that Billy was dating Elle before Christy. Billy said that was right. He said that Christie was dating someone before him. He said he started to date Elle first and later got together with Christie.
Howard said he thought Billy and Christie were happy. He said it was hard to believe when it ended. He said it was like royalty. Billy said there were a lot of good times. He said that being on the road is not good for holding a relationship together. He said it just savages relationships.
Billy told Howard and Robin about how he had to go out on the road because he had some financial problems. He said that's what was making the marriage tough. Howard said that Billy's brother-in-law was ripping him off and he was running around in private planes and driving 15 new cars and stuff like that. Billy said that Christie did have her suspicions and she suspected something was rotten in Denmark. Billy said he can be loyal to a point that makes him look stupid. Howard said he's the same way.
Howard said the betrayal is horrible when you trust someone like that and they run off with your money. Howard said Billy's songs almost all have a sadness in them. Howard said you sense doom in the songs. Billy said that they do kind of have that. He said he has that ''when is the other shoe going to drop'' in them.
Howard gave Billy a plug for this movie ''Last Play At Shea'' and Billy wasn't even sure why he was calking in. He said he didn't know he was calling in to promote that movie.
Howard explained what the movie was about and what Shea meant to him. He said that the Beatles played Shea so it meant something to Billy that it may not have meant to other people. Howard said they interview a lot of people in the movie and Billy talks about what the team meant to him and how he became a fan. He's a fan of the Yankees too. Billy said he's really just a New York fan.
Howard said Billy is a huge New York fan and that's why he moved back there from Los Angeles. Billy said some people just don't make it there and there's a lot of jealousy out there.
Howard asked Billy who took him to Mets games. Billy's father left when he was 8 so he wasn't there for him. Billy said that his father wasn't really there when he was a kid anyway. He said his father had to leave Germany when he was living there because of the Nazis. His grandfather had a business that the Nazis took from him so they had to get out of the country. Howard said that Billy's parents let him know what was going on with their family and the Nazis. Billy said that there was some crazy stuff going on and they almost won the war. He said it was amazing to him what went on there and how the Nazis ruined his family.
Billy said he didn't learn much about his dad until just recently. Billy said he just met his half brother for the first time too. He said that the guy is a good guy and he got to live with his dad. Billy said he's not bitter about it but his half brother had a life with his dad. He said things didn't really work out with his father and his mother so it's okay that he moved on. Billy said that his father was never around and he was always on business trips. He said when he grew up he wanted to be around for his kids so it devastated him when he had to be out on the road all the time.
Howard asked Billy when he saw his father again after he left. Billy said he was in his mid 20s. He said his father was a pianist. Billy said his brother is a conductor. Howard asked Billy if he thinks that it was his father that pushed him into this career. Billy said it was actually his mother. Howard said his mother says that he was very good at piano right away. Billy said he did and he loved music and still does.
Billy said his father played classical stuff and it was great. He said that he used to get high listening to him play. Billy said his father had to work a job so he never was a professional musician. He said that he thinks he became a musician because he loved what his father was playing. He said he didn't work hard to prove something to his father though.
Howard said he must have been pissed that his father came to him when he was starting to hit it big. Billy said things hadn't hit it that big yet. He said he didn't even know if his father was dead or alive at the time. He said was looking for him at the time. He said he got a message saying that they had found his father so he got all excited about that. He said he wanted to get to know the guy. He was back in Germany at the time.
Howard asked if he wrote ''Vienna'' was written for his father. Billy said it was written after he visited him there. Howard asked Billy about what happened after he met his father. Billy said he learned why his father didn't stick around. He said he had some teachers and people like that who were like father figures to him as he was growing up.
Howard asked Billy about the album that they had mastered at the wrong speed called ''Cold Spring Harbor.'' Howard said the songs were brilliant and the album was at the wrong speed. Howard asked if he cried and broke down. Billy said he wigged out when he had a listening party for the album. He said that he took it and threw it down the street. He said people were laughing at him when he played it at the party. Billy said that he didn't like the album but Howard did. Howard said he loved that album. He said everyone loves it. Billy said he hates it. Howard said it had to be an insane part of his life. Billy said it was maddening but not insane. He said that he had to get his contract straightened out eventually. Billy said he worked in a piano bar for 6 months while he got his contract straightened out. He said people think he worked there for years but it was just 6 months.
Howard said Billy rides motorcycles and he injured his thumb doing that. He said that he can't imagine risking his career by doing that. Billy said he can't live like that. He said he sees people who are uptight about their image and he just can't live like that. Billy said he just goes out and does the things he wants to do. He said he doesn't worry like that and he's not all high strung like that.
Howard said Billy once took him to a house he was buying and the guy had a piano in the house. He said Billy heard the acoustics there and he figured Billy was going to play the piano for him. Howard said Billy started to play and he played classical music. Howard said he was really frustrated by that. Howard said Billy has a pool in this house he has now and he has his piano in the pool room now. He said he took him down there once and he figured Billy was going to play for him again. Billy played classical again. Howard said that really frustrated him. Howard asked if he's doing that just to frustrate him. Billy said he likes that music and he plays his own stuff so much that he wants to play the other stuff.
Howard said that in Billy's movie he talks about some of the songs he wrote about New York. Howard said he thinks that ''When the Lights Go Out ON Broadway'' is a better song for New York than ''New York State Of Mind.'' Howard said Billy also talked about how he writes songs in the movie. He said that for Billy the music comes first and then the lyrics come. He said that the lyrics are tough for him. Howard asked if he scribbles on paper bags and stuff. Billy said he doesn't do that. Billy said he will take time and sit down at the piano to try and create something. He said that Elton John writes in a totally different way. He said that Bernie Taupin will send him the lyrics and then he'll put them to music. Billy is the opposite of that. Billy said he listens to classical music and he can feel how the composer was feeling. He said that's the way he writes his own music.
Howard said that he saw Billy wearing this Wells Fargo badge in the movie. He said that Billy picked up on that from the Beatles concert at Shea. Billy said that they all had those badges on because they came to the concert in a Wells Fargo truck. He said that's why he wore that badge in the movie.
Billy said that he's been friends with Paul McCartney for a while now. He said that he asked Paul to come to the shows there at Shea. He said he got a call from him one day from someone who said it was ''Paul'' and he didn't know who it was at first. He said that Paul told him he wasn't sure he could make it to the concert. He said he was thrilled he was even considering it. Then Paul did show up because they had actually gotten Paul's flight out early so he could get there for the show. Robin said she hustled around to get tickets to that show and then they had another ''Last Play at Shea.'' She said they did two. Billy said that's because the scalpers got the tickets and he was really hoping that the fans would get the tickets.
Howard said Billy still thinks that people won't show up for his shows. Billy said he really doesn't get why anyone would want to come and see him perform. Howard said he finds that hard to believe. He said people love his music.
Howard asked Billy about how it feels to be a rock star that has so much love. He said it must be god like to stand there in front of thousands of people who are mouthing every word to his songs. Howard said people get woozy from his music. Howard said it must be tough to go home to a woman and be normal. Billy said he does everything around the house and he feels pretty normal. He said he doesn't have people kissing his ass all the time like Howard thinks he does. Billy also said he knows who his real friends are at this point in his life.
Billy told Howard that he does the Star Spangled Banner and he doesn't lip sync them. He said he wanted a monitor to hear himself at a Super Bowl. He said that he practiced the song over and over and then the show time comes. He said he had no monitors when they went to him. He said he couldn't hear himself and then it started pouring down rain. He said he probably took 10-15 seconds just to adjust to the sound in there. Billy said that he thinks that someone used Autotune on him and his voice sounded synthetic and people have been accusing him of using that Autotune thing when he doesn't. He said he can sing the song and it's difficult but he can do it.
Robin said that the sound at the concert at Shea was the best she's ever heard. Billy said the guy who set that up has been with him for 40 years. He said he has a bunch of people who have been with him that long. Billy said that they don't have a manager there so he just lets them do their thing and they get it done right.
Howard asked Billy why he told people ''Don't take shit from anyone'' at the end of his concert. Billy said that he's not sure why he did that. He said he guesses it's because he's gotten a lot of shit from critics and people like that over the years. He said he doesn't take it from people like that. He said it all goes back to bullying. He said he's glad that this is coming out now because he hates bullies. He said he doesn't want anyone to have to deal with bullies like that. Billy said he used to get beat up in school on his way to piano lessons. He said he took boxing and learned how to box and the next time he had a bully come up to him he picked the biggest guy and decked him. He said after that he didn't have any problems.
Howard asked Billy what the best song is that he ever wrote. Billy said it's hard to pick one. Vienna and New York State of Mind, the Lullaby and a few others are his favorites. Billy said that the Downeaster Alexa is another one. Howard asked if he's going to keep going at it or retire eventually. Billy said he really doesn't know what he's going to do. He said that he has learned to never say he's calling it quits.
Howard asked Billy if he ever went out and just had sex with tons of groupies. Billy said he thinks he tried a couple of times but that's just not who he is. He said that he would get girls that wanted to be their friends. Billy said they wanted him to come play at their dorm. He said it was a great way to meet people though. Billy said he never had the nerve to meet girls like that before so it was a great way to do it.
Billy told Howard how he told his mother that he was going to buy her a house some day when he graduated high school. He said he never knew what would happen.
Howard asked Billy what he's up to with his motorcycle shop. Billy said he has a shop now where they build bikes and customize them. Howard said Billy is a manly man. He said he likes going out on his boat and stuff like that. Howard said he hates going on boats. He said he could talk to Billy all show about this stuff. He said he wants Billy to come in there and play some songs for them. Billy said he'd love to do that. Howard said he wants to throw out some songs and then talk about them with Billy after he plays a little bit. Billy said he would do that. Billy said he still writes songs and he'll never stop doing that. Billy said he writes theme songs that can be used in movies or in commercials or whatever.
Billy said he's having some surgery soon and he's not sure when he'll be able to get in there. Howard told Billy he should go see Dr. John Sarno before he gets his hips replaced. Howard said he can probably avoid the surgery if he goes to see this guy. Howard said he'll be shocked by this because the guy was able to fix his back. Billy said that a back and hips are different. Howard said Billy thinks that he's loony but he's really not. Howard told Billy to just go see this guy before surgery. Howard said he'll be so grateful to him that he'll come in there and go through everything. Billy said that some songs don't sound good with just the piano. Howard said that's okay. He knows what to do. Howard said Billy is going to like Dr. Sarno so much he's going to write a song about him. Billy said that sounds really exciting.
Howard asked Billy where he is and what he's wearing. Billy said he was in a T-shirt and plaid shorts. He didn't have a woman there but he does have a girlfriend. She works so she wasn't there. Howard said she must want him to help her out so she doesn't have to work. He didn't want to say what she does for work though. Billy said he really admires that she goes to work every day. Howard said he loves that too.
Howard gave Billy another plug for Last Play at Shea and said that he really liked it. Howard asked who put up the money for the movie. Billy said he did. Howard said that it was a job well done. Howard said the movie is going to be in theaters for one night only. Billy said he's not sure why they're doing that. You can find out more at TheLastPlayAtShea.com.
Billy asked how Beth is doing. Howard said she's good. She liked the movie too. He said he was surprised by that because she's from Pittsburgh. Billy also loves Bianca so he asked about her. Howard said she had eye surgery but she's all healed up now. Howard said Bianca loves Billy too. He said that she's always licking his feet. Howard thanked Billy for calling in and let him go.
Howard asked which songs Billy liked. They went over some of the titles he mentioned and Howard wanted Fred to play ''Summer Highland Falls'' as they went to break. Fred wasn't able to find the song in their system. He said he'd have to find it on the web or something.
Howard said that Billy's music had been taken from him by this guy Billy had to sue. The guy somehow owned Billy's songs so he had to sue over that. Howard said that Billy had to go to this guy who was the head of CBS and that guy told the owner that he'd give him $400,000 or he'd never work in the business again. The guy signed them over to CBS and they handed them to Billy at no charge. Howard said that this guy Walter Yetnikov is a good guy. Howard said he's the one who talked that guy into signing the songs over. Howard said he's blow the guy if he were Billy. He said that's a pretty amazing story.
Howard said when Billy comes in there they're going to have a piano for him to play. They'll name some songs, Billy will play and then they'll ask some questions about what the songs are about. Howard said that's going to be great.
Howard wondered if the stories about the girls in the dorms just wanting Billy to be friends. Howard said he finds that hard to believe. Robin said that Elle McPherson and Christie Brinkley weren't asking to be friends. Howard said Billy must have cum on impact with those women. Fred played Summer Highland Falls and Howard talked about the song and how he was hoping that Billy would break into a song like that when he was hanging out with him while he played piano. Howard said he ended up hearing classical music instead. Howard said they'll try to get Billy in there... hopefully. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said they should have Jay Thomas come in and talk up that song. He said that Jay is a professional DJ. He should be able to do that. Howard asked Jay if he wanted to come in and do that. He came in a short time later. Howard said he saw that Boy from the old Tarzan shows just passed away. He was 79 years old. Howard said his name was Johnny Sheffield. Howard said he was phenomenal in those shows.
Jay told Howard that when he first started out humping himself his mom would say he had to go to confession for that. Jay said when he was about 7 or 8 he went to church and his parents get all excited that you're learning this stuff. Jay said he went to church and had to think about these sins he did. He said that he was thinking about what his mother wanted him to tell the priest and now he realizes what that means. He said you're in this little box and the guy is in the other side of the box talking to people. Jay said he went in there for his first confession and the priest asked what he did. He said he told the priest that he had touched his ''teetee'' and the priest didn't know what that was. Jay said he had to explain to him what it was and the guy had no clue what he was talking about. Jay said he had to say it loud and the whole church could hear him. Howard asked if the guy was retarded. He said you can kind of figure it out coming from a kid like that.
Jay told Howard about how he got on Mork and Mindy and how he remembers getting that call. He figured he had it made at that point. He said he was walking by St. Patrick's cathedral and went in there to thank god for this gift. He said he kneeled down and he told the priest that it had been 10 years since his last confession. Jay said he was asked why he hadn't been there in 10 years. Jay said something incredible had come to him and he wanted to talk about that. The priest was asking him how many times he had been with a woman and things like that. Then he asked if he had been with a man. Jay said he was just there to tell this incredible thing that had happened. Jay said the guy was telling him he couldn't come back unless he did as he was told. jay said he was sweating before the whole thing was over.
Howard said he had to talk to Jay about this clip he has of him interviewing Kevin Bacon. Jay said he likes the guy and wanted to have fun with him but he was the wrong guy to have fun with. Howard said he had a perfectly reasonable question for Kevin. Jay said he had seen Kevin and his brother on some show and he asked his booking person to get him for the show. Jay said he was told he can't ask Kevin about the Bernie Madoff thing. He said he wanted to talk to him about a butt fucking scene he was in. Jay said that the interview was going badly right up to this point. Then he decided to ask him about Bernie Madoff. Jay said he lost money to some people who were like parents to him. He said that he lost $300,000 to these people and it was awful. Jay said he took them to court and then the guy died and now he hates the woman and her daughter who was like his sister. Jay said he was going to share that story with Kevin and that's what led up to this clip Howard was going to play.
Howard played the clip and said he loves that this went horribly wrong. Jay said he doesn't even know if Kevin knows who he is or what he does in acting. In the clip Jay is trying to talk to Kevin about the Bernie Madoff thing and Kevin doesn't want to talk about it so Kevin says he doesn't want to talk about it. Jay keeps going and Kevin doesn't say more than a couple of words. Jay just says ''alright... so that's that... are you still there?'' Kevin was there but he wasn't talking. Jay then asked him to recover from that. Jay kept asking about Bernie but Kevin didn't want to talk about it.
Jay said he was embarrassed by that. He said he was very nervous in that interview. Howard said it's all pretend when you're acting. He said he has done it too. He said that it's just grown men pretending for a living. Jay said that people are terrified by public speaking and some people just can't imagine talking or speaking for a living.
Howard said that Gary told him that Jay had just read a magazine article from Vanity Fair where they were telling people what it would be like if John McCain had won the election. Howard said that Jay was very interested in the article. Jay said they had an article about how some celebrities write books that don't sell. Then they had an article about what it would be like if John McCain had been president. He said GM and Chrysler would probably be gone and he would probably hate Sarah Palin and the democrats would be about to win congress back from the republicans. Howard and Jay talked about that for a minute.
Howard said he was watching The View and they were talking to Levi Johnston about running for mayor. They talked about Bristol Palin and things like that too. They were also talking about some other reality show stars and Jay told a story about how someone came to him asking to do a reality show about him selling real estate. He said they were going to cast people to treat him like shit when he was selling them homes. Jay said that's the last thing he'd want to do.
Howard said he meant to ask Jay about being a DJ on 99X there in New York. He figured he was older than him. Jay said that he never talks about his age. He said he's probably 5 years older than Howard. Howard is 56. Jay said his mother taught him to never talk about age because people think of you differently if you do. Jay said he read an article about young women who fuck older, not so good looking guys. They had Billy Joel in that story. Jay said he doesn't want to bring up age because he stays in shape and he doesn't want people thinking of him differently because of his age. He stays in shape so he looks good for his wife and for when he's acting. Jay said he'll get calls for 55-65 year old roles and he's in the room with guys who look really old.
Jay said he goes in to read for roles and he doesn't get the parts. He said he's going to blame his agent for that but he's really not sure what it is.
Howard said that Jay has been in a lot of TV shows and movies. He's successful. Howard said that there are some people who are in movies and you never see them again. Howard said you get the big part and think your career is secure but then you never see them again. He mentioned a woman from a movie who Gary saw selling cartoon art.
Jay told Howard he remembers seeing character actors doing auditions for voice overs and stuff. He said he said he'd never end up like them and he'd never go from audition to audition with his bag but that's exactly what happened to him.
Howard said he used to go for job interviews and he'd run into guys who had been on huge radio stations and they'd be at these tiny stations in up state New York. Jay said it's very odd that a guy like Don Imus is still on New York City radio. Howard said there are just guys out there who are very lucky in the business.
Jay said that he remembers being on the set of his TV show which was near Roseanne's TV show set. He said that she used to see him from down the block and she'd call him out. He said that he can't imagine having that kind of career.
Howard said he was good at playing the game and making the program director feel better. He said he'd tell them that he did the wrong thing and it would never happen again. Then he'd go on the air and do it all over again. He said he knew how to make management feel like they were in control.
Jay said he was talking to Mel one day and he was working in L.A. He said that Scott Shannon was coming to town with his morning zoo. He said he told management that they should do a morning zoo before they got there. Jay said that would panic Scott Shannon because he had no idea what else to do. He said he got a call from Scott who asked him why he did that. Jay said he was trying to win so he did it before he got there. Jay said that Howard doesn't do time and temperature in the morning and his management told him that he had to do it even more up against Howard when he showed up in L.A.
Howard said his father used to listen to Bob Grant on radio and he'd wonder why they had the news guy interrupt Bob Grant. He said his father wanted to hear Bob Grant and only Bob Grant. Howard said he thought about that and figured he was right and he should just get on and do his thing. He said that's what his fans wanted to hear.
Howard said Jay did something he could have never done himself. Howard said Jay would fuck girls during his show at 99X. Jay said that he would do that. Howard said he was so neurotic about his show that he could never do that. Jay said he went back to Charlotte to the station he was big at when he was 20 years old. He said he started at 18 in radio. Jay said he was a program director at 20 years old. Jay said he was making good money too so they had 5-8 minute news breaks. He said that this guy was gay and he would come in with lotion on his hand asking if that belonged to him. Jay said he thought it was funny but he couldn't put that on the air. Jay said they were way out in the middle of nowhere at this station and he'd bang the chick who was doing the continuity there. He said she'd work from 3am to 8 and then she'd go home and take care of her kids. Jay said he'd bang her on the desk and then he'd do his thing on the air.
Jay said they were there when no one was there so they'd do that and she'd have her legs up on the desk. Jay said he went back for a 10 year reunion at the station and he was looking around and saw this woman who used to come in after the girl he was banging. Jay said he asked her what happened to her. Jay said that this girl said she was glad she wasn't there because her ass prints were always on her papers. Jay said she knew what they were doing there for years.
Howard said Jay should have been that person on the air like he was off the air. Jay was more tame on the air than he was off the air. Jay said he's more like that now than he was back then. Jay said he really likes doing radio now. He said years ago he didn't enjoy it like he does now.
Jay said he couldn't go on the air and talk about banging chicks because his wife probably would have left him. He said he's had 4 wives.
Jay told Howard about how he used to fight with this guy off the air and they'd pretend that nothing was going on when they'd get on and talk up the records. Howard said he was never like that. He said he was insane and driven to do his show so he wouldn't mess around like that.
Howard said Jay once got on the air at 99X and he told people that he was going to be going to Hollywood to be on Mork and Mindy and he remembers hearing that and thinking Jay was the greatest. Jay said that Robin Williams hated his guts and that was a problem. Jay said that he must seem like he's out to grab someone's job. He said that's not what he's like though. Jay said his wife asks why they never get invited to anyone's house. Jay said he used to get calls about Rhea Perlman and how he could kiss her. He would joke about it and she would have heard it. Jay said he was just joking around and figured that people were just like him.
Jay said that Danny DeVito and Rhea lived down the street from them. He said that he was invited to Rhea's 40th birthday party so they went to the party. He said that Stevie Wonder lived right behind them so he'd crack jokes about him bumping into the window as they walked up. Jay said that the party was full of short people and then Rhea shows up. He said that she looked around the room with a smile on her face and then she saw him and it all went away.
Jay said that he got hit in the face in a fight scene for the TV show and his fiancee showed up and Rhea Perlman's head came around the corner and she looked disgusted that he was still alive. Jay said they had a reunion show once for Cheers and he was there and asked why he was killed off of the show and they all pointed to Rhea like she was the one who got him killed off.
Jay said Howard's honesty got him his career. Jay's honesty only got him in trouble. Jay said that he likes doing radio and writing and doing comedy. Howard said he's almost too talented. He said that he can do so many things. Howard said he had to take his one career very seriously so he can't take it so lightly.
Howard said it was always torture for him when he was doing radio. He said that he never had the fun that Jay was having.
Howard told Jay about working in Detroit at WWWW and how everyone there was talented. Howard said that they were at the bottom of the barrel at that point. Howard said he was on his own and he came in to save the station. Howard said it was a nightmare situation. Howard said he'd do his job and then go to his hotel and sit there waiting for his next show. He didn't so any socializing or anything. He would go out and get Popeye's Chicken and then go to his hotel and sit there waiting. He said that went on for months.
Howard said he thinks back on it and he never had a drink or anything. Jay said he's immensely wealthy now. Howard said he was never motivated by money. He did this so he'd have a job. Howard said he told his shrink this stuff and the shrink cried. Howard said he didn't even cry himself.
Howard said his shrink is trying to help him have emotions. Howard said that he never has and Jay doesn't believe that. Howard said he always likes to save everything for the air instead of having real conversations off the air.
Jay told Howard how he used to drive around looking for hitchhikers so he could ask them what they'd like to hear on the radio. Jay also told Howard that he had a guy tell him to do a line of coke to keep himself awake one night that he went out. He said there was a woman there at the club he went to and met this girl who wanted to have a fling before she got married. Jay said he banged all night long and he was wide awake for work. He said he got on the air at 6 and started to crash. Jay said that the engineer there had no interest in his show and they'd just hit buttons. Jay said that this one guy, John, was there and he asked if he could share something with him. He told him that he was crashing from the coke and the guy asked if he had anymore on him. Jay said that the guy told him if he could get him some coke he'd just replay the first hour of the show so he could sleep. Jay said they were best friends after that. Howard said he could never do something like that. He said he wasn't even able to go out the night before a show. He said he has to be in bed by 8.
Jay said he was out one night and he thought about how Howard was probably in bed by the time he was out. Jay said he stayed out until like 11 and then he was wiped out.
Jay said he's there to promote some shows that he's doing. He does the voice for Ghost Stories on the Travel channel. Howard said he's not sure why it's on the Travel channel. He's also going to be on Mysteries at the Museum which is also on the Travel channel. Howard said that Jay has his radio show on Fridays on Howard 101 and his regular slot during the week.
Jay said that he and Howard have become on-air friends and they never see each other off the air. Jay said that he hated Howard for the longest time so he's glad that they've become friendly. He said Howard would beat him in the ratings and it would make him angry at him.
Howard had this guy Brian Battles on the line. He used to work with him at WCCC in Hartford. Howard said that Brian worked with him there and one time Brian walked in and whipped his cock out while he was doing the news. He said he accidentally put his hand on it and yelled. Howard said Brian was funny off the air.
Brian said he had to call and vouch for what goes on at the stations off the air. Brian said that they all partied and got laid off the air. Howard said he had no idea that was going on. Brian said Howard always seemed freaked out that his show was going to bomb that he'd never have that kind of fun. He said they just wanted Howard to have fun like they were.
Jay said there are comedians like that too. He said he interviewed Steve Martin at 99X once and it was just an awful interview. Brian said he interviewed George Carlin once and George wasn't funny on the air. Howard said George was always good on the air when he'd talk to him. Jay said that guys like Lewis Black know exactly how to do a radio show. He said he's very funny on the air.
Howard and Jay also talked about Woody Allen and how Jay had been directed by him in a play he was in. Howard said he has a problem with the way Woody runs his personal life. Robin said they'll probably never get him on their show.
Brian said he's out of the radio business. Howard said that just about everyone else got out of the business. He said he remembers this guy Peter telling him that he was going to be the only one to ever get out of there. Howard said he was right.
Jay told Howard that he remembers getting a call from Jim Kerr when he was working at 99X. He said that once he was done with his shift he'd have nothing to do. He said that Jim would tell him that they were going to a bar to hang out but that's not what he wanted to do. He realized he could have a second job.
Brian told Howard about how he got a call about going to work for this new thing called MTV. He remembers laughing at the idea of people watching music on TV. He had no idea how big it was going to turn out to be.
Jay and Howard talked about game shows and the comedians who are doing them. Howard said people approach him to do game shows and they want him to do everything. Howard said he wants a game show like Howie Mandel does. He said he just wants something simple and easy to do. Howard said they all want him to be funny on their shows but Drew Carey and Howie Mandel don't have to be funny.
Ralph called in and said that he used to listen to Jay in the mornings. He said he had a good show. He said the crew were pretty funny. Howard said he had a lot more to talk to Jay about but he was running out of time. He said that Jay's kid has a successful song writing career. He said that his oldest son was raised by another family since he gave him up for adoption. Jay said his middle son is a mountain lion tracker. Jay said his wife wasn't so happy about the mountain lion killing.
Jay told Howard about his son going out to hunt down a mountain lion and how he got a bullet ricochet in his face. He said his son tells him that mountain lion tastes like pork chops. Jay said he has another son who has no interest in him and doesn't like him. He said he's tried with the kid but he really doesn't like him. He said his oldest, JT, came out great after he was adopted. He said the adoption thing seems to work really well.
Howard said he could talk to Jay all day long but it was getting late. It was 9:30. Jay thought it was 9:30 at night because it's so dark in the studio. They ended up talking about Fred and how he's hidden behind that machine over there. Jay wasn't sure what he was doing over there. Howard told Jay not to ask because Fred will get angry. Fred said he just does what they tell him to do.
Jay asked Fred if he was ever a drunk. Fred said he has had some drinks. Howard told Jay that he once passed out at his bachelor party and fell flat on his face. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he was deep in conversation with his entourage. Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they have a story about Bubba the Love Sponge and his show pilot possibly not becoming a TV series. Howard said that's too bad, he was looking forward to that.
Steve said they have a story about Artie Lange having a story written about him. There's also a story about Blue Iris' husband suing Colonial Penn over her death.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. Jon ran down the stuff he had for today's show.
Robin got to her news and read about last night's Dancing with the Stars. She said that Florence Henderson was voted off. Howard said that she was the worst. He said she's one thing he fast forwards through. He said that Audrina Patridge is hot. He said that there's also a fat chick on the show that he's not into. Robin said she's not fat, she's just short and maybe not his body type. Howard said she's fat for a dancer. Howard said she has girth and he's not sure how she keeps that girth on her. Howard said that he likes to watch that Rick Fox guy dance. He said that women swoon over him. Howard said Beth loves to watch the guy dance. Howard said he looks scary to him but women love him. Howard said his dance partner looks like she's in love with him too.
Howard said he likes Jennifer Grey too. He said he's not sure why but he likes her. He said she's an older woman but younger than him. He said she's got a rockin' body and she's so affected. Howard said it makes him crazy. He said she walked off the show when she got criticized. Howard said she's acting like her whole life depends on it. Howard said he likes watching her rehearse in her tight leotard. Howard said Jennifer Grey must fuck like crazy. He said that Robin must be like that too. He said she must be loving. Robin said that Howard is too funny.
Howard said Bristol Palin doesn't do anything for him. He said she doesn't even pick up her feet when she's dancing. Howard said she claims she's not in show business so she doesn't know what to do. He said if that's the case then she shouldn't be on TV. Howard said she goes around preaching about abstinence. Howard said he also watches Brandy on that show. He said she has a giant head though. Robin said he's right about that. Howard said she seems like a very nice person. She gets really excited about her high scores. Howard said some of the other contestants seem nice too. He said Florence Henderson wasn't fun to watch though. He's glad she's gone.
Robin said that the first billion dollar house has been built in Mumbai, India. Howard said that's what India needs. Howard said he was looking in the real estate section of the paper and they had a house that was 9,300 square feet with 90 acres of land for 2 million bucks in South Carolina. Howard said if that house was in New York it would be like $35 million. He said the labor can't be that much cheaper in South Carolina. Howard said if he was off the radio he's going to sell everything and move to Mumbai. Robin said this house was built in the same city where ''Slumdog Millionaire'' was shot. Things aren't that great there.
Gary came in and told Howard he was thinking about hiring people from down south to build his house. He said that they do that up there and it's cheaper to put them up in a hotel than it is to hire someone locally.
Robin read more details of the billion dollar house and what it includes. Howard said he finds it kind of depressing to put up a place like that in Mumbai. He said it doesn't seem like the nicest place to live.
Robin read about how the name Jaden has become very popular. She said that it's the most popular name for boys in 2009. Howard sounded shocked by that. Robin said that it's not just black kids either. Robin said the white boys most popular is Michael. Asian it's Ryan and girls are Isabella. Robin said that African Americans like Madison for girls and Asians like Sophia.
Robin read a story about a man who was accused of assaulting a horse. She said she wasn't sure where the story took place. Robin said the owners of the horse farm saw a man touching the horse in a sexual manner and the horse seemed to be in pain. Robin read that the guy claims he was comforting the horse and he may have accidentally put his fingers inside of the horse. Howard said he likes how the guy couldn't figure out how to be alone with a horse. Robin said the horse apparently didn't like the attention it was getting.
Robin read a story about a woman who was naked from the waist down claiming that she was having a baby. She came out of a bar and rolled around asking people to ''get it out'' and she wasn't even pregnant. Robin said she's facing some charges over that. Howard read a live commercial and went to break after that.
After the break, around 10:10am, Howard came right back. Robin read a story about a former Playboy Playmate, Andrea Dorian, who was charged with attempting to kill a man and she may end up getting life in prison.
Robin read about a gathering of the Chilean Miners who all got back together for the first time since escaping the mine.
Robin read about a runaway chimpanzee that was caught after it escaped from the owner's home. Robin said it broke the windshield of a police car and eventually climbed into a cage in the owner's vehicle. No one was hurt by the chimp. Howard wondered what's wrong with the owners of these animals that they have to have these things in their homes. Howard said he can't imagine why you'd want to put a monkey in captivity. Robin had some audio of an official talking about the chimp and the chase. She had some audio of a guy talking about how the chimp tried to get into his house. Robin said they had a monkey in there back when they were doing football picks with Artie. Robin said that she had to have the woman tell her how awful it was to have the monkey as a pet so she wouldn't go out and buy one.
Robin had some audio of Christine O'Donnell talking about the separation of church and state. She didn't understand where it says that there should be a separation. O'Donnell was also saying that she'd like to remove some of the amendments to the Constitution. Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about that.
Robin read about a Rutgers football player who was paralyzed over the weekend during a game. She had some audio of the coach talking about how he's in good spirits.
Robin read about how some people reenlisted in the military when they heard about the Don't Ask Don't Tell policy not being enforced anymore. Robin had some audio of this guy talking about why he joined.
Robin had some audio of Hillary Clinton talking about how kids who are being bothered by bullies are going to have it better in a few years. She told them to hang in there and get help if you are being bullied. Howard said that Perez Hilton was talking about how he's going to stop bullying people but that's what his whole web site is about. Howard said he told him that he shouldn't be making fun of some of the people he makes fun of. Howard had some audio of Perez talking about that. He played the clip and Perez was crying and everything during this clip. He wants to stop being malicious and nasty because he's really not like that in the real world. Robin said she's glad to hear that from him.
Robin read more about Hillary Clinton's bullying discussion. Robin said they're on the anti-bullying bandwagon as well.
Robin had a story about a woman whose son was arrested for marijuana possession and ended up coming out of prison a heroin addict. She wants marijuana to be legalized and regulated. She had some audio of that.
Robin had a story about a couple of guys who have been accused of robbing a guy of his comic book collection. The guy ended up dying of a heart attack after the theft. He was hoping to sell the collection and leave the money to his family.
Robin read about Governor Schwarzenegger signing a new bill into effect to try and stop the human slave trade. Robin said she didn't know so much slave trade was going on. Robin had some audio of Schwarzenegger talking about the new bill.
Robin had some audio of Matt Damon talking about working with Clint Eastwood on ''Hereafter.'' Howard said he sounded really bored in that clip.
Howard said Beetlejuice wanted to talk to him but he wasn't sure what about. Howard took the call and he didn't think it was really Beet. Robin said she wasn't sure. Howard figured it was tape. Whoever it was played a ''Yep'' when Howard said it was tape. Beet said he'd beet someone up for him if he wanted. Howard didn't think i twas really him after a few more comments.
Robin had some audio of Bruce Willis talking about the movie ''Red.'' He said it's hard to look ahead and know what the future holds. Howard said he's pretty sure that he'll be retired in 5 years. Howard said he should have done more movies.
Robin mentioned Kristen Stewart and had some audio of her. Howard said she's a weird chick. He said she's a nervous wreck and something is wrong with her. He said she seems whacked out of her head. Robin said there may be some problems there. Howard said she really is odd. Howard did an impression of her doing an interview with Regis yesterday. He said they were stumped because she didn't have anything to say. Robin mentioned that she saw that Regis has a guy who carries around his briefcase for him. Howard said that contains the codes so Regis can start the nuclear war if he has to.
Robin had some audio of James Gandolfini talking about working with Kristen Stewart. Howard said it's weird to hear him not doing Tony Soprano. Howard said he should be Tony Soprano in every role he plays.
Robin said that Kelsey Grammer will be on 30 Rock this week. She had some audio of him talking about playing himself on the show. Howard said he sounded pretty happy for someone who just left his wife and had another baby with another woman. Howard said he just keeps on going without a care. They had to end the show a short time later, right around 10:45am.
Jon and Gary talked about Billy talking about how he doesn't think he's that famous around the world but in that area, New York, he is pretty well known. Gary said that may have been the case years ago but not so much these days.
Jon said he liked the story Billy told about how he walked out when they rolled a piano out for him to play. Gary said that he must get that all the time. Gary said that Michael Ian Black wrote a book of essays and he wrote one about how Billy must think when it comes to going to a party where people are going to ask him to play.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they have a new Elton John channel there but they should have a Billy Joel channel. Gary said that they usually have those channels when the artists are promoting something. He said he thinks maybe they should have one for Billy to promote that movie. The caller said it's not too late. Gary said they don't have as much pull there as the caller thinks. Gary told the guy that Billy Joel has some albums that have 6, 7 or 8 songs that are great. He said that doesn't happen often with an album. Gary said that he's started making a list of songs he wants to hear when Billy comes in. Fred was in and said that he'd like to hear some of his obscure songs. He said there are some albums that every song is great on. He said that there are a few like that.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he knows they like to argue music but he doesn't like Billy Joel. He said that the guy is a national treasure though. He said that he roots for him when Howard is talking about them. The guy said that he doesn't like Rush either but he thinks they're talented. The guy said that he likes the Cars and bands like that. He loves the Sex Pistols and The Ramones and bands like that too.
The caller said he can't stand Billy Joel's music but he loved the interview. He said he can't stand James Taylor either but he's a great interview. He said he loves what Howard does with an interview like that. Fred said that he was sitting in a restaurant once and Billy came in and tapped him on the shoulder asking if he could sit next to him. He said he was just a regular guy going to dinner with his mother. Fred said that he was cool with that but his wife was spinning around inside going nuts.
Jon and Gary talked about the Shea Stadium thing too. Gary said he's a big fan of Billy's and of Shea so that movie was great. He told some stories about the stadium and how great it was in the first few years. Gary said it got rundown after a while. He said he knew it was a shithole. He said he still misses it even though the new Citi Field is great.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's a huge Billy Joel fan and he was in Venezuela and some guys there knew his music when he turned it on. They didn't know English but they knew the lyrics to the song. The caller also told them to have Billy perform ''Honesty'' when he comes in.
Another caller said that he would like to hear Billy play some classical. He said that they always have people play stuff they don't usually play. They have them cover songs so it would be interesting to hear the classical. He said he thinks that would appeal to some of the listeners. Jon said that Howard has experienced that already so he's pretty sure he'll be hearing something else.
Jon brought up how Billy talked about dating Elle McPherson and Christie Brinkley when they were in their prime. Gary said that Jon was kind of irritated by Billy saying that the stuff he wrote after Glass Houses was better than the first stuff he wrote. He said that it's rare when an artist's later stuff is better than the early stuff. Fred said that some people say that about the Beatles too. Jon said he likes Billy's early stuff and not the later stuff. He did have some good songs later on but the early stuff is his favorite. Fred said he agrees with Jon somewhat. Gary said he has a 45 of ''Piano Man'' that resides in his juke box at home.
Jon talked about how Billy tracked down his father and he had no resentment at all. Gary said that stuff eats you up inside. Gary said that DePace asked him if he was listening to that when he said that you can't let it eat you up inside. Gary said he told Scott that intercom is for work only.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Robin cut Billy off too many times today. He said that Gary and Jon won't give him an honest answer. Fred said he has been looking through the email so he knows some people were upset about that. Fred said he doesn't feel that she was. He thinks Howard did a phenomenal job with the interview. The caller said Robin cut him off 2 or 3 times. Gary said he didn't hear every second of the interview but he heard most of it. He said he heard all three of them talking at once at least one time. He said it might be an adrenaline thing and maybe she wasn't trying to talk over him but she had a thousand questions. Gary said she wasn't asking him if he was a vegan or anything. Jon said he agrees with Gary on that.
The caller asked Fred if Howard has ever bought him anything expensive like he did with Robin and Gary. Fred said he's fine with Howard just giving him a job there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to know what Fred thinks will happen with Howard's contract and what he will do if Howard leaves. Fred said he wishes he knew what was going on. He said he's hoping for the best but if it's over, it's over. He said he'll just move on if he has to. Fred said he's not sure what he would do though.
Another caller asked Fred if he would do his own show and play his own music and field some questions. Fred said maybe that will happen before the end of the year. The caller said she would love that.
Another caller said he loves Billy Joel and the interview was great. He said that Shea was a shithole from day one though. He said it wasn't that great even when it was new. Gary said that it was irrelevant 5 years after it was built but he still loved it. They spent a little time talking about baseball after that. They went to break a short time later.
Jon brought up Jay Thomas and how much time they spent talking about radio today. Fred said that Howard and Jay have very different styles. He said he thinks he's a talented radio guy but he was never as big as Howard is. He said that he thinks that he didn't take his radio career too seriously and then he went to Hollywood and didn't take that very seriously.
Gary said he used to listen to Jay when he was in college. Fred said he was huge in some of his markets but he wasn't well known nationwide. Gary said he thinks that Howard's eye was on getting rid of the music and these other guys were just looking for ways to fill the time between the songs. Gary said that Howard had just gotten to the point where they asked him to please play 3 or 4 songs and hour. He was trying to convince them that him talking was better than playing music.
The guys talked about how Jay didn't share a lot of his life off the air when he was on the air. Howard would do that and that's one way they differ.
Jon asked the guys about what they thought about Jay's stories about banging chicks during songs and stuff. Gary said that he figured that whenever Freebird would come on the radio he had a feeling someone was getting laid. Gary said those long songs meant that someone was getting laid or someone had to go to the bathroom really bad.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary if he would move to California for a job. Gary said yes. The caller also goofed on the Yankees for being dead now. He said he's a Pirates fan. Fred said he feels sympathy for him.
The caller said he's a Howard Stern Show fan but he's really not a fan of Howard Stern. He said that the glory days of the show are over and he's such a star fucker now. He said that he's a pussy and he can't relax while he's talking to Jay Thomas. Gary said he thinks that he's saying he can't relax like Jay Thomas relaxes. Gary said that Howard has always been like that so he's not sure why the caller thinks he's changed so much. The caller said that he hears Howard making sucking sounds when he breathes. The guys said they didn't hear that at all. Another caller said that Jay Thomas was whistling when he'd breathe. She said it was driving her nuts too.
Fred asked Shuli if Jay has something going on there. Shuli said it might be old blow stuck up his nose or something. That led to them talking about Scott the Engineer and his odd noises. Jon asked if they miss those. Shuli and Fred said that he still makes those noises.
Ralph called in and said that he doesn't get why that other caller listens to the show if he hates Howard so much. Fred said that it's always been weird that way. He said that people always say that they have to hear what he's going to do next and they can't stop listening.
Ralph said his question for them was who would they rather be, Howard Stern or Jay Thomas. Ralph said that Jay was doing pretty good at 20 years old making $200,000 a year. He said that Howard seemed to suffer more for his career. Fred said he'd rather have Howard's career because it's more meaningful. He said if you don't really want to dedicate yourself to your career then maybe you shouldn't be in radio.
Gary told Fred that there's a Bruce Springsteen documentary that just came out and he seems to be like Howard in that way. He said that he seemed to be just as dedicated as Howard was.
Jon asked Gary what kind of obsessive behavior he saw from Howard early on. Gary said that Howard would want to go through the tapes and go through thousands of hours to find the best stuff and they didn't have the manpower to do that. He said he wanted to be extraordinarily thorough. Gary said it didn't matter how long the job took, it had to be done. Gary said to tolerate that you realized that Howard was going through the tapes while everyone else was going through them too.
The guys talked about how a lot of the way Howard got his career going is thanks to his parents. Ralph said he'd like to have Howard's success but maybe not his neurosis. Ralph said he'd like to be somewhere in the middle with some kind of balance in there.
Gary said that Howard used to have a half disdain and a half love for guys who were just voices. He said the guys would do their voice and they had no personality. He said that Howard was jealous of them but he was also angry that they didn't have to do any work.
Al Rosenberg called in and said that when he was trying to escape from Don Imus he had a meeting with Jay Thomas. He said that Jay made it clear to him that radio meant nothing to him. He said that he didn't want to be in radio and he wanted to do other things. Fred said that he found his way to do what he wanted to do and he lived his life with no regrets and he admires that. Al said that Jay told him that as soon as his show was over he was out of there. He wasn't going to spend any extra time doing that.
Fred said that he was told that radio was dying a slow painful death back in 1980. He said he agreed with that until he met Howard Stern. He said that Howard was doing something new and interesting.
Jon and Fred talked about the way WNBC was trying to break Howard when he was working there. Fred said that Don Fiorvanti wanted to go home and just have a nice, quiet dinner and not deal with the complaints about Howard's show. He said that he basically wanted them to do a shitty show so he could have a quiet dinner. Al said that one year Don sent them postcards from the Bahamas as a Christmas gift. Al said that Kevin Metheny was also a failed DJ who became management. The guys spent a few minutes talking about Kevin's career too.
Tim Sabean came in so Jon asked him about how he realized Howard was something different. Tim said that his radio was so new and different that management didn't know how to handle it. Gary said it broke the mould. Tim said that these people were becoming more powerful and famous than management was and they didn't know how to handle it.
Jon asked Tim how he handled it. Tim said that people just didn't understand Howard and they didn't handle him right. Tim said that you have to be the pit crew for talent and make sure they have the tools to do their job. He said that if you beat the shit out of them on the air then you're going to get a second class product.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it's ridiculous that Jay thinks that he could have been as big as Howard. He said that Jay can't compare himself to Howard's comedic power.
Another caller said he loves Fred to death but he plays a lot of songs coming out of break that he doesn't like. He asked why he doesn't play The Eagles or Skynrd and songs like that. Fred said that he does try to mix it up. He said he's sorry for that but he's not trying to play favorites.
The caller said that he's a southern guy and he must not like Skynrd since he doesn't play it. Fred said he digs it but he doesn't think Howard would like it. Fred said that he would like to play Red Hot Chili Peppers and U2 but Howard isn't into them. Gary said that the other band is Steely Dan. Fred said he's right about that. They're all very important in rock culture but Howard doesn't want to hear it.
Another caller asked Gary if he heard Howard making the comment about what Howard will be doing in 5 years. Howard said that he'll be retiring in 5 years. Gary said he heard that and he thinks Howard was just joking and not slipping. Fred agreed with Gary. He said they're all reading into what Howard says and trying to figure out what's going to happen. Gary and Fred said they don't know what's happening now but they think that they're in meetings.
Another caller said that the guys could keep doing this show even if Howard doesn't stick around. Gary said they could do that but they wouldn't have a show to wrap up. They could speculate on what Howard is doing at home. Shuli said they could just drop the whole Howard angle and talk about what they're doing in their own lives. They could talk about getting their tires rotated and things like that. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how they had another jam packed show. They have a guy who stutters calling in. Howard said Gary was over at the Jackass 3D premiere and this guy came up to him and he stuttered a lot so he asked him to call into the show. He's on another show somewhere but the guy wants to call into this show too. Howard said the guy had a stroke and he stutters. Howard said the guy wants to go out on the red carpet and do interviews for them. Howard said they want to show Eric the Midget that they have someone willing to do it.
Howard said he didn't mention yesterday that this Anita Hill woman wasn't looking for publicity when that whole Clarence Thomas thing came down. Howard said she never tried to get money out of that deal but then yesterday there was a story about her in the paper and she got a call from Clarence Thomas' wife and she was asked if she wanted to apologize to Clarence for what she did to her husband. Howard said Anita thought it was a phony phone call. Howard said it turns out that it was a legitimate call. Howard said he was thinking about it and it's like finding out that the guy next door to you is a rapist but you think about how nice he seemed. Howard said the wife must not know what Anita knows about him and calling for an apology is just a weird thing.
Howard said it makes you wonder if she's been sitting around all these years hoping to make that call. Robin said a lot of people probably don't even know what they're talking about. Howard said he saw Clarence Thomas saying that stuff never went down but he felt that Anita sounded very credible to him. Robin said the stuff she accused him of made it sound like the kind of things that happen there in the studio and he Thomas was just a rebel who liked to tell sex jokes. She may not have appreciated the atmosphere.
Howard wondered who is banging her. He said he'd like to know if she's good in bed too. He wants to know if she's loving or if she just lays there thinking she's so hot. Fred said he found that she dated Lenny Kravitz, Derek Jeter and some other guys. Howard said that Lenny and Derek really get a lot of hot chicks. Howard said he can't believe Jeter moved on. Fred found some other names but they weren't big names that he recognized.
Robin said there are people who will call Jeter the dumbest guy in the world trying to put him down. Fred read a list of names that Jeter has dated and there was a huge list of smokin' hot women. Howard said it would be a nice gift to him if, before he leaves, they're able to get Jeter in there. Howard said one of the great shows will be Billy Joel coming in there. He said the other interview he'd like is Derek Jeter. Howard said he doesn't care about baseball though. He just wants to know about the chick's he's dated.
Gary told Howard that Jason just told him that Adriana is married to a basketball player. They spent a minute talking about that. Howard said he was surprised that there was a white basketball player after seeing a picture of the guy. Howard said he was going to throw out the picture.
Howard said he was reading the Playboy Advisor and the stories in there can't be real. He said that this guy Bob Guccione did something different with his nude magazine. He wasn't afraid of vagina. Hugh Hefner seemed to liked to keep that hidden. Howard said Guccione is the guy who really said that it was okay to show that stuff. Howard said it was much more of a big deal to see that.
Howard said Guccione was a weird guy. He said that the magazine generated about $4 billion in its history. He said that Guccione put a movie together called Caligula and it was a very expensive porno movie. He said they got great actors to appear in it too. Howard read some of the names of the people in the movie and it included Malcolm McDowell and Helen Mirren and other big stars. Howard said that was a big deal and Penthouse was a big deal.
Howard said Guccione bought a townhouse in the city that was beautiful. It recently sold for like $61 million. Howard said he filled it with art and he had a huge art collection. Howard said the guy ended up going broke at the end of his life. Howard said it was kind of odd. He said he fronted money to his son to start Spin magazine and then asked for his shares back. Howard said his son ended up getting him the money back but it caused a rift that you wouldn't believe.
Howard said that Penthouse had something called Penthouse Forum and it was more of the kind of thing to beat off to than even pictures for him. Howard said that pictures can bore him. He said he can beat off to a girdle ad though. Howard said he did a lot of beating off in high school. He said he's not sure why it was so erotic but it was. Howard said they started getting kind of gay eventually. He said they had a lot of gay stories in there. He said they may have been trying to break new ground. Benjy said they had one story about a guy fucking the ground. Howard said it got weird after a while.
Howard said that Bob Guccione died at the age of 79. Howard said he had been battling lung cancer and he was a big smoker from what he remembers. Howard said the guy had a few wives but he was very devoted to the third wife. They started Omni magazine and they kept it going because Bob loved her so much. Howard said he kept her on the masthead of that magazine even after she died. Howard said Penthouse was Guccione's thing though.
Howard said he was reading Playboy yesterday and he really doesn't look at the pictures because all of the girls look the same to him now. He said that they're hot but they all look alike to him. Howard said that the magazine has gotten really thin lately and it's just not the same thing it used to be. Howard said Guccione knew that the tide was turning to the internet years ago. That's what's making it so tough on Playboy.
Howard said the Playboy Advisor has to be fake. He read some of the stuff they had in there and he can't imagine that anyone would write the stuff they print. Howard one guy wrote in about staring at a woman and how long is appropriate. Howard said no one ever catches him. He said Robin may have yesterday though because he was looking her over. Howard said that she was wearing a mini-skirt with those big titties. Howard said she had little boots on and he thinks Robin caught him. Robin said she didn't notice.
Howard read another Playboy letter about swingers and he figured that had to be a fake one too. Howard said there was one letter about women wearing canvas sneakers and the guy being obsessed with that. Howard said he almost told his daughter about that because she was wearing sneakers last night. Howard said he wanted to warn her about that.
Howard read some other letters in the advisor section and there were some very strange letters in there. Howard said he can't imagine that anyone would send that into Playboy.
Howard said Beth wants to have a viewing party this weekend for the movie but everyone has already seen it. Howard said that he asked his daughter to go see it with him but she's going to see it with her mother. Howard said that's what happens in divorce. Whoever gets to the kid first gets to go to the movie. Howard said he's not going to fight over something like that.
Howard said he's also seeing Jackass 3D at home. It'll be in 2D but he's going to see it at home. Howard said he's going to be busy this weekend.
Howard said he doesn't get why anyone would want to do meth. Showtime told Howard that sex is great on meth. Howard said he can't imagine why anyone would want to enhance sex. He said that straight sex is enough sometimes. Showtime said that he started with pot and he moved on to meth and coke. He ended up in jail for drug stuff too. He said he's used some stuff called Preludes too and Howard had no idea what they were.
Howard let Showtime talk for a minute and got a few laughs out of his stutter. They talked about the meth thing and how much that can fuck a person up. Showtime said he's tried it all. Howard said he must have been a thief to get money. Showtime said he was a functioning addict for a while but he ended up selling drugs and he shoplifted too. He said he never went into anyone's house to steal anything though. Showtime said he would go into some stores that will remain nameless. Howard guessed it was Walmart and he was right. He once walked out of a Walmart with a TV.
Showtime told Howard about how he had a driver watching in the parking lot when he did that. He said he would have the car pull to a fire exit door and he'd run out and take off. Howard said he was like ''B... B... B... Bonnie and Clyde.''
Howard said that Showtime ended up getting this stutter from doing drugs. Showtime told Howard about how he would have his girlfriend as the driver for the Walmart thefts. Howard asked if he ever got busted for that. Showtime he got busted once for that. He said he did 6 months in jail for that. He said it was just county jail though.
Howard asked if he was able to get a girlfriend with the stutter. Showtime said he did and he stutters when he eats pussy and it drives them crazy. He said that he asks them if they like it and they do. He had a crazy stutter in that sentence that got a laugh out of Fred.
Howard asked Showtime if he's a good looking guy. Showtime said he's not Howard Stern by any means. Howard said that's not a good thing.
Showtime is 46 now. He's an announcer for a show down in Atlanta right now. He also does comedy and uses the stutter as his hook. Howard asked if he has jokes. Showtime said he's trying to make it in show business. He said that he had a brother that was gay and he's ''scared of queers.'' Showtime said that he doesn't understand that whole thing.
Showtime told Howard that his brother died of AIDS. He said that he broke the news to the family and they were like ''S... S... S... Shit...''
Howard asked if he stutters when he's singing. Showtime also told Howard that he gets triggered when he's in front of a microphone so he does stutter. Robin asked if the phone triggers it too. Showtime said he stutters all the time but it gets worse in front of the mic. He said he's working on his second Monster Energy drink this morning too so that makes it worse as well.
Howard said he thinks that this stuttering is terrific. Showtime said it took 5 years to get where he is now. He said that he wasn't able to get a job at a convenience store because it takes too long to ask how much gas people wanted at the pump.
Howard asked Showtime about the job he had as the starter in the race series. Showtime said that was a great job but he can't do it now because of the stutter. He said that he can't communicate fast enough to do that now.
Howard said he'd like to have Showtime go out on the red carpet for them. Showtime said that he'd love to do the work for them. He said he just has to clear it with his probation officer. Howard said it must be frustrating to have this stutter and pick up women. Showtime said it can be tough. He said that no one knows who he is until he talks. He said he has some girls who know who he is and he gets his fair share of women. He said he just broke up with one woman recently.
Gary said he heard that he was going to propose to that girl and she ended up saying she wanted to get back together with her ex-boyfriend. Howard asked if he has normal intelligence. Showtime said he does. Howard said he was just trying to figure him out.
Howard said he likes Showtime and he thinks they have many uses for him around there. Showtime said he's all for coming up there. He said that Howard is God. He said the whole reason that they have him on the morning show he's on is because of Howard. He said that they're Shaffee and Jefe in Atlanta. He said they call each other MP3Js instead of DJ's since all of the music is in MP3. Howard said he sees now. He didn't understand at first. Howard asked if they play music. Showtime said they do play hard rock music at the station. Howard asked how many they play. Showtime said it's 8 songs an hour.
Howard said that he was never on in Atlanta for some reason. He said he's not sure why but they always told him no when he wanted to go on down there. Showtime said he's been down there since 2008. He said that when he and his girl split up they told him he should talk about it on the air and he didn't want to.
Howard said he's shocked that Showtime is able to get chicks with the stutter. He said he does okay. Howard let him go a short time later. Howard said he's looking forward to having him do some work for them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's great and they can't lose him. The guy said that they should have him talk up a song. Howard said he might have to get him back on the phone.
Howard had a Little Lupe game to play so he told the guy that he had to guess if Lupe would get the answers correct when they ask her general knowledge questions. First up was ''What sport do the Yankees play?'' The caller said he thinks that she will know. He was right.
The next question was ''What is Jupiter?'' The caller said he thinks that she's going to know that was as well. Lupe said ''Pineapple.'' Howard played the next one which was ''Where is the Empire State Building?'' The caller said Lupe will know where it is. She said it was there in New York. Howard played the next one which was ''Who was the first man to walk on the moon?'' The caller didn't know it so he figured Lupe wouldn't know. Lupe said ''A guy with a strange hat... Peter Luku.'' The caller was right.
Howard gave the caller, Turtle, his $711 prize. The guy said that he loves the show and all of his friends love the show too.
Howard mentioned that Thea Vidale and Senator D'Amato will be on the show today. Senator D'Amato will be calling in to talk about some people who are running for office. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Senator Al D'Amato on the phone. Howard said he used to be a senator there in New York and he ended up losing to Chuck Shumer. Howard said that they have this new Senator Gillibrand too. Howard said she's kind of hot. He said he thinks she used to be an intern for Senator Al. He said he'll have to ask him about that.
Howard had Al on the phone and he was laughing. Howard asked Al if he ever boned Senator Kirsten Gillibrand. Senator Al said he did not. He said she was a young intern in college at the time. He said that he and her father are still great friends. Howard said that she got the job when Senator Clinton stepped down. Al told Howard that she spoke to him about running and he said it was an impossible race. Howard said she's very attractive too. Al agreed and said she has some kids too. Al was trying to find out when Howard is going to have a kid. Howard told him not to start with that. Al said that she ran for a second term and got elected again so he thinks she's doing very well.
Howard said that Senator Harry Reed said that she was the hottest senator out there. That's not exactly appropriate. Al agreed with Howard on that. He said that wasn't the right thing to say.
Al told Robin that he hasn't seen her in a while but she must look really good after running. Robin said she's been running about 30 miles a week to get in shape for the marathon. Al said that she's crossed his mind a few times. He said she's ''got the equipment.'' Howard said Al really appreciates real women.
Howard asked Al about this Christine O'Donnell and if he's endorsing her. Al said he doesn't get why they're making such a big deal out of her saying she was a witch. Al said he would like her to win so they have more republicans in office that are honest. He said that she's being honest about the witch thing and he thinks that's good.
Howard asked Al about endorsing someone in the New York senate race. Al said that he thinks that Gillibrand has done a good job and he thinks that she'll be less tied to the administration and she'll be a much more moderate Democrat when she's elected so he's going to back her up. Howard said he likes Al because you can't just be a knee jerk Republican.
Howard asked about this Paladino guy. Al said that he's been off the beam too much and he can't endorse him. Al said that he got too personalized and started gay bashing. He said you can't support him. Al said that he's not supporting him. Howard asked if he's supporting ''The Rent's too Damn High'' guy. Al said that guy was pretty entertaining. Al said he will vote for Cuomo.
Howard asked Al about Dancing with the Stars and if she would pick Jennifer Grey or Audrina Patridge. Al said he hasn't the slightest idea about that. Howard asked if he's watching that show. Al said he isn't watching it. He said he has to go home to his two babies. He said he has a one year old and a 2 and a half year old. he's been with his wife for 11 years now. He said they have two angels for kids. Howard asked if he's exhausted playing with the kids. Al said he plays with them for a few minutes and he's exhausted. Al has 14 grandchildren too. He said he will see to it that everyone is provided for equally when he passes away.
Howard said the reason Al is calling is because this guy Dan Donovan is running for Attorney General. He wants to get the word out about him. Al said Dan went into office and he turned it around. He said the guy is running against a political hack. He said this guy, Eric Schneiderman, got the Al Sharpton approval and that doesn't mean much these days. Al said that this guy Schneiderman had a driver who smacked into a parked car and they didn't stop. He said that Schneiderman claims he didn't know that they hit something. Al said that this is the guy who wants to be the chief law enforcement officer and he wants to bring Al Sharpton into the administration. Al said this is outrageous.
Al talked about how Al Sharpton has this shakedown group of his that demands you give them money so they won't protest your business and things like that. He also mentioned something about him being an FBI informant. Howard said he doesn't know anything about that stuff. Howard said that Al was a senator so why didn't he go after him. Al said that he had no basis in doing that. He said he was just a senator. Al said that Sharpton didn't get into trouble but some of his buddies did. He said that Schneiderman wants to have an annex with Al Sharpton and that's just not the right thing to do. He said that they can't endorse these people like that.
Howard said it sounded like Al was making some sense there. He let Al vent some more about that stuff. Al said he thinks that Dan Donovan is a good choice and they need more republicans in office in New York. Al said that they need checks and balances. Howard said he's not sure what to do but he thinks that they have to vote for Dan Donovan.
Howard said he read that Schneiderman is beating Donovan in the polls 44 to 37 percent. Al said that's why he's calling in. Howard said he goes with whoever calls in so he's going with what Al says. He said he will read up more on this to figure out how he really wants to vote.
Howard said he doesn't know that much about Al Sharpton other than the Tawana Brawley thing and that was kind of disgusting.
Howard said they learned that Senator Al isn't afraid to speak his mind. Howard said he'd like him to find out if Adriana Lima's breasts are real. He said that the pictures in the paper today seem to indicate that they are real. Al said he may have to do a personal inspection. Howard said he wishes he could.
Howard asked Al what he thinks about the cable companies and if there should be some regulation. Howard said they don't have any competition. Al said they do have satellite TV as competition. Robin said that cable is easier to install than satellite. She said that's not really competition. Howard said they just want their cable bill lowered. Al said that everyone does. Al also said that they think that arbitration is the right thing in the Cablevision case. Robin said that they're whole job is to provide programming and they took away the programming. Al said he's not sure if Cablevision took it away or if FOX pulled it. Robin wasn't aware of that. Gary confirmed that Al was right and FOX did pull it from Cablevision.
Al said that Howard's mom's birthday is coming up soon. He said that he had to wish her a happy birthday. Howard said this guy is such a great guy. He said he knows people's birthday and he'll bring it up like that. Al said he's been neighbors with his parents for years and they're good friends.
Al asked Howard when he's going to have another baby. Howard said he's not going to do that. He asked Al if he pushes a stroller around. Al said he sure does. He said that he can't wait for the kid to get up and start calling for Mama. He said it's the greatest thing. He said he doesn't even mind it when the kid wakes him from his sleep. He said you only have them for a little while before they're interested in their friends instead of their parents.
Howard let Al go and took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Al is right about Al Sharpton. She went off on him for a minute and also told Robin that she'll be out there supporting her in the marathon. Howard hung up on Mariann in the middle of a sentence.
Howard wondered how Sharpton gets away with what he gets away with according to these people. He said that he hasn't seen Sharpton in years. Howard said he used to come on the show with James Brown. Howard said that whole Tawana Brawley thing was a mess and that leaves a bad taste in his mouth. Howard said he likes that Imus went to Sharpton and apologized for what he said. Howard said he was thinking that someone gave Sharpton money to make him forget about what happened there. Howard said that it was a complete change in attitude. Howard said if ie were Imus he would have just asked to be fired instead of asking for forgiveness.
Howard said the whole Imus / Sharpton thing was weird. He said that they had a black woman added to Imus' show but he's not sure if she's still there. Robin said she thinks that the woman is gone but the guy is still there. Howard said she must not have worked out.
Howard said they got a lot of feedback about the show yesterday with Billy Joel. Howard said that Bubba had Chelsea Handler on his show yesterday and they didn't seem to be getting along very well. Howard said Bubba added a new market too.
Howard read some of the email he got about yesterday's show. He read some about Willow Smith and how people are sick of her. Howard said that the 9 year old sounds more well spoken than the hosts of the show she was on. Howard played some of those clips again even though the emailers said they didn't want to hear her anymore. Howard and Robin spent a couple of minutes listening to the clips and talking about how precocious Willow is.
Howard said they have to get Willow on the show. Howard said the kid had her own style and it was a little too weird for him. He said he hates when a 9 year old is cooler than him. He played more of the clip and she was talking about how she didn't have a weave in when the host asked about that.
Howard said some people complained that Robin was talking too much during the Billy Joel interview. Howard said one guy on the Wrap Up Show complained and then one guy wrote in. Howard read some of the positive feedback they got about that interview. He read the one about Robin interrupting. Howard said he didn't get that at all. He said that people have to find something to complain about. He said nothing is ever perfect on the show. Howard read a few of the positive emails about the Joel interview. Howard said they had some really nice stuff about that interview.
Howard said he got some negative stuff about Jay Thomas and people were saying he's not all that funny. Howard read some of those and people were complaining about what a bore he is. Howard said one guy said it gives some people hope because if a no-talent like him can make it in radio, so can they. Howard said that there are some people who think Jay doesn't have any talent but Howard does. They don't think it had anything to do with luck.
Howard had some email about Robin's theme music and how it can convey the mood of the show when Fred plays it. Fred played the Guatemalan theme music the guy was talking about.
Howard said it seems like they did a good job yesterday. He said he's not sure what today's show will be like until they get the email on Monday.
Howard said he likes this show ''Cops'' but he'd like to see ''real'' cops who don't know they're on camera. Howard said the guys on ''Cops'' are too well behaved. He said that there are times when a cop has to beat someone over a crime they committed. Howard said they need to knock some of these guys over the head. Howard said the guys on ''Cops'' are too polite. He said they're too nice to these people when they know they're on camera. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Thea Vidale was there. Howard had the guys bring her in. Thea came in and Howard said that he read that her husband tried to cut off her clitoris with a knife. Howard thought it was her dad.
Thea said her dad died about 8 years ago and he wasn't very fond of her. Howard asked if he made that known to her. She said that her mother would leave and then he'd say that no one wanted her in that family. She said she got kicked out of the house at 15. Thea said that around the age of 14 or 15 her father was brutal with her. She said that her father was picking on her sister and he made her nose bleed. He said they were tussling and she told him to let her go. He did but then looked at her and asked what she was going to do about it. She said she just told him that she's not scared of him anymore. She said he kept going and he started seething over that. Thea said she made a declaration that if he hit her again that she'd fight him like an N-word on the street. She said her father did attack her and she fought back and punched him in the nose. He kicked her out of the house after that. She said he literally threw her clothes out on the lawn.
Thea told Howard that she told her father that if she hit her mother again that she'd kill him. Howard said she had a rough life. Thea said she did have a rough life and the good thing is that her father got to see her on TV. Before he died he told her that he never thought he'd see her on TV.
Howard asked why Thea didn't ask her mom to help her with her father. Thea said that in her day women didn't leave. She said her mother had more children she had to look out for. Thea said that she had to protect the weaker ones. Thea said she knew it was going to be hard for her mother. Thea said she was very angry for a long time. She said she had to forgive her mom for doing what she did. Thea said that her mom is sick right now and she didn't want to leave her bedside. Howard thanked her for coming in and leaving her mom for a while.
Howard asked Thea how she forgives a mother who let her get the shit beat out of her. She said that when you know better you do better. That's what Maya Angelou said. Howard asked Thea if she takes care of her kids the same way. Thea said she loves her babies and she has four of them by the man who abused her. She said that when you marry an abuser you don't know that they're going to do that stuff. She said that her husband was 10 years older than her so it was like he was marrying a child. She said that she loved and adored him and did everything for him.
Howard asked how long it took before it started getting bad. Thea said it was like a wave. She said the first time she got popped she had gotten mad about something he did and he got mad at her for getting mad and slapped her. Thea said she wanted to go home but inside she knew she had no home to go to. Thea said she didn't have anywhere to go. Thea said that her husband wanted to cut her clitoris off with a machete. She said she can move fast though so he didn't let that happen. She said she knew that ''a bitch have to move.''
Thea told Howard that they were arguing about petty things in the marriage and all of a sudden he came out with this machete. She said that he had threatened her before with that. She said that she was on the bed naked. She said that she didn't think it was real at first. She said something in her head said ''Bitch Move!'' and she moved. Thea said he came at her and he had this look on his face like he was serious. She said that he was as crazy as cat shit. Thea said he had a blackness in his eyes and spirit and she knew he was coming for her. Howard asked how she spends the night with him again after that. Thea said she slept in the living room. She said that they'd sleep in different rooms. She said she wouldn't even sleep. She said that she's gotten kicked out of the bed by his foot. She said that he tried to cut her once and she has a scar from that.
Howard asked Thea about being with women too. Thea said she's been with a few. She said that they were good looking too. Thea said she likes butch girls. She said she likes the ones who are very aggressive. Howard said he can see why.
Thea told Howard that she's not having sex with anyone now. Thea said she realized that both men and women will hurt you and she has had it. Howard said he was watching the Real L World show and he saw that women were hurting each other on there. Thea said she's not touching herself or anything like that. She just doesn't want to be bothered.
Howard asked when she last had an orgasm. Thea said it was over a year ago. She said she was in love with this one guy Darrell, not her husband Darrell, but another one. Thea said that this guy was so broke that he owed his reflection money. She said that he was very arrogant too. Thea said that they talked for a minute and they went to their table and Darrell asked her to give him the money. She said that he wanted the money so people didn't think he was ''Mr. Vidale.'' Thea said she told him that he could never be Mr. Vidale because he could keep a job.
Thea said that she should have know that he was no good. She said that you don't want a man who has had kids with 72 different women. She said if the guy doesn't take care of his own kids then you know he's not going to take care of a woman. She said that she also needs a big penis. Thea said she doesn't want a 12 inch dick though. She said she has intestines she needs. Thea said that she wants a dick that's not too small. She said that women know that they have small tits so men have to know they have small dicks. She said that a man has to be tender and she knows what kind of man she really wants. She wants a man who believes in god and is tender.
Howard said Thea needs a man who treats her like a friend and respects her. Howard wondered if that man exist. Thea said the way the world is now she's not sure. Thea said that Tiger Woods is stupid and so are the hoes that he fucked. She said that she's not sure why these hoes think that they deserve more than the money they got from him. She said that they have to stop calling that man too.
Thea was also talking about Roseanne and Tom Arnold and how Tom didn't deserve any of her money. That led to Howard talking about how Ben Thomas, Roseanne's other ex-husband, had asked Roseanne to fly him to Hawaii so he could visit his daughter. Roseanne was going to do it but she thought better of it and took them away. Now the guy is suing her over it.
Thea told Howard that she was in court down in Texas in a child support case. She said that they have men and women separated on each side. She said that she went in there trying to look as horrible as she could. She said she wanted to look down on her luck. She said that her husband ended up looking even worse than her. She said he had a booger in his nose and he looked like a mess. Howard said it sounds like he took a machete to himself.
Howard asked Thea about going in for surgery on her stomach so she can lose weight. Thea said that she has tried to lose weight but she goes up and down. She said she can't control the weight. The said she lost 65 and she got 7 back and she doesn't want to be bouncy balling. Howard asked Thea if she's going to become too hot with a skinny body. She said she won't get skinny. She said she'll probably just get to a size 14 at the least.
Thea said her 54th birthday is coming up soon. She said she wants the gastric bypass to be like a rebirth for her. She said that she's always been heavyset and she's never been smaller than a size 12. Thea said she's not sure what her father's problem was with her but her sisters were always smaller than her. She said that she was also darker skinned than her sisters. She said that might have had something to do with it too.
Thea said that her husband once asked why her family doesn't love her. She said that once a batterer finds out you have nothing then it gets even worse.
Howard gave Thea a plug for her appearances at Uncle Vinnie's out on Staten Island. Thea told Howard to come out and see her. Howard said he really should be he's never around. Thea figured that he'd come out to see her if she was Lisa Lampanelli. Howard said he's never seen Lisa before either.
Howard said that Thea's mother didn't want her coming there today. Thea said her mother is a military wife and she told her to go and fulfill her contractual agreement. She said she got very close to her mother after her father died. She said that her mom is a cool chick. She says some cold blooded shit like saying she hates fat people even though her husband was fat and her kids were fat.
Thea said her sister used to be really thin but after she got pregnant she got fat and she couldn't get used to it. Thea said her mother used to call her a whale as she was walking in the room. She said she had to tell her mother not to do that kind of thing.
Howard gave Thea some more plugs for other appearances she had at Gotham Comedy Club and Uncle Vinnie's in Staten Island.
Thea asked Robin if she's fuckin' at all. Robin said she's enjoying her life. She said she's not talking. Thea sniffed and said she smells dicks. She said that she must have some young dick. Howard said that's what Robin is into. Thea told her to get some rapper dick. Howard asked if she's had that. Thea said she had bodyguard dick. She said that she had a bounty hunter dick. Howard said they're big men and they must make her feel tiny. She said the guy just picked her up and that's what she likes. She said she'd like to fuck Vince McMahon. She said that Vince pulled his pants down on a WWE thing she did. Thea said she scratched Vince's chest in that and she wanted him to pull his dick out. She said she would like to rape that man.
Thea told Howard that she used to like being kissed when she was a little kid. Howard asked her about guys licking her pussy and things like that too. Thea said that she had one white guy who was very good at that. Thea asked Howard if he has ever done anything to Robin. Howard asked her what she thinks. Thea said she doesn't think that he has. Howard said if he was with Thea he'd turn her hair from blonde to black. He said she'd wish her clit had been cut off with a machete.
Howard said he's sorry to hear about her mother. He asked if she told her mother about the women she was with. Thea said her mom knew about that. Howard asked if she ever ran into a smelly pussy. Thea said she had one girl who smelled. She just told her to go home.
Thea told Howard about hosting the Porn Awards and how she went off with one of the producers once and it just happened to be Anal Day. Howard asked if she's ever done anal. Fred threw in a fart sound. Thea told him to knock that off. She said that he's so retarded with that. Fred threw in another fart sound. Thea was trying to talk about that but Fred kept playing the farts. Thea said that if you eat the right thing then the man will never approach you again. She said that guy did it just once and that was that. Thea said that it hurt her too. She said that any woman who gives up her ass before marriage then you shouldn't marry them.
Howard said Robin got anal from a stranger and she didn't need any lube. Thea said that even she would spit on a dick. Robin said that was a long time ago and it was all love. Thea asked if she was high. Robin said she'd have to sit and explain it to her sometime. Thea told Robin she can't fuck in the ass unless you're married. She said the booty hole is precious. Howard told her about what Robin did and how she didn't have much of a choice. The guy just put it in there and Robin had only known him for a few hours. Thea asked if she came. Robin said ''Oh yeah!'' Thea said that's a good thing then. Howard asked Thea about the kind of women she's into. She likes women like Queen Latifah.
Ralph called in and said that Robin had crawled into bed with a patient and fucked him. Robin said she didn't fuck that guy. Robin said she just crawled on top of him to show him he was still a man. She said that he had lost a leg and she was trying to help the guy. Robin said that the guy was about to lose his leg and he didn't think he would be attractive to women again. Robin said she got on top of him and asked if he still felt like a man and he asked her what she was doing. Robin said they had been taking care of him for months and he was like a buddy to them at the hospital.
Howard asked Thea if she's a happy person. She said some days she is. Thea said she likes to work and she's very work oriented. Howard asked if you have to be sad to be a comedian. She said she thinks the great ones have been tormented. She said that Pryor and Carlin were tormented. She mentioned another guy who was a top guy in her mind. Howard had never heard of the guy.
Thea told Howard that Richard Jeni was a brilliant comic and he must have been tormented. She said that no one tried to get him help. She said that she had someone tell her that they couldn't stand looking at her when she's depressed. She said that she would stand by them though. Howard asked if she's ever been suicidal. Thea said she thinks that everyone has. She said she loves to work and if she's not working then it makes her crazy. Thea said she loves making people laugh and there is nothing better. She said she's working on a one woman show that she'll call ''I'm Still Here.''
Thea said she's having this surgery done in November and she feels she needs it. Howard told her to try Robin's diet and do the green drink thing. Robin said that Thea is so busy working she doesn't have time to take care of herself. She was wearing running sneakers this morning though. Thea said she doesn't need to run because the earth isn't shaking.
Thea said she was in bed naked once with this girl and they felt a tremor. She said that she felt another one and ran out of that house as fast as she could and ran right past her ass. Thea said she is out of there at the first sign of trouble.
Thea told Howard she loves smoking weed. She said that she has a medical marijuana card out in L.A. Howard asked what's wrong with her that she got the card. Thea said she gets anxiety attacks. Howard laughed. She said that she should just get it for being black and being in America. Howard asked her about how the whole thing works when you go to buy. She said that you can go in and sample it at some facilities. She said that you can go in and they're smoking inside. Thea said that they will give you goodies to eat too.
Thea told Howard she likes fried foods and she loves this thing called a Twinkidillo which is a chocolate covered Twinkie. She said they have a Chex mix with all kinds of good stuff in it. They have all of this stuff at the pot places. Thea said she's in heaven when they mix all of that stuff together.
Howard asked how much weed she smokes a day. Thea said she has to stay on a budget. She didn't say how much she smokes. She said that she feels that she could probably get a better deal on the street. She said she was once in Amsterdam and she had someone throw a joint up on stage and she said that was better than being an American. Thea told Howard she doesn't smoke all day. She has some weed in the morning with her coffee. Howard asked if she flies with it. She said she doesn't want to say. She said she does have a medical condition though. Howard said this is crazy that the whole country can't get this marijuana. Thea said she's sick of people saying it's a gateway drug. She said that alcohol is a gateway drug too. Thea said that she doesn't want to drive when she's high but drunk people do. She said she doesn't like to fuck drunk people either. She said that weed is much better.
Thea talked to Howard about his kids and said that he ended up with 3 daughters because he was a whore as a kid. Howard said he wasn't though. She said she thinks that he must have been to have 3 daughter. That's punishment to show he shouldn't have been with so many girls.
Thea said she told Howard about this guy in Missouri who had been bullying some people. She said that he ended up cutting the throat of some store owner and did some other bullying. She said that the guy ended up getting shot by a bunch of people at a bar one night. They all fought back with this bully and took him out in their own way. They all kept the secret and went silent in the town so no one would get in trouble for it. She said that the bullies out there have to hear that story so they'll stop bullying.
Howard gave Thea some more plugs and told her he loves her and hopes that her mother gets well. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he has to go to the doctor today. It's been two weeks since he broke his toe. They want to x-ray it. Howard said they must want to figure out how long it'll be before he heals. Howard said that he's going to listen to the doctor and do whatever he wants him to do. Robin said she broke her big toe once and didn't bother going to the doctor. Howard said he doesn't mind getting x-rayed but he doesn't like being probed.
Howard had Mike Walker on the phone and Mike was goofing on him about his broken toe. He said that he has to man up and get over it. Howard said he wasn't complaining. Mike gave a shout out to Gary about his book (They Call Me Baba Booey) since he had no idea it was coming out. Howard told him to tune into the show once in a while and he'd know about that.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard asked Gary about some of the stuff Tim was talking about. Gary told Howard Tim was doing the usual thing that he does. Howard wondered why they didn't get this stuff on tape. Howard said he knows they only have 28 days left there but they have to give the audience what they want.
Gary was giving more of Tim's quotes but Tim told him to leave him alone. Howard asked Tim about some of his quotes and even Tim didn't remember some of them. Howard said he had heard Tim say some of them but Tim said he didn't recall them.
Howard said they have 28 days of live shows left after today. Howard said he wishes it was less so he could just get out of there.
Steve said that Gary's onslaught of promotion for Gary's book is just starting. Howard interrupted and asked Gary what else he talked about yesterday. Gary told him some of the stuff but Howard interrupted him too and started doing his impression of Gary. Howard said he can't wait for his book to come out so they can go through this stuff.
Howard said that he heard that Kings of Leon showed up there at SIRIUS. He said that they came up to do a concert in the fish bowl studio there. Howard said he heard that they got kind of weird in there. Howard said they wouldn't let the people in the hallway hear the music. Gary said that they usually let people in the hall hear it but not yesterday. They had baffling in the studio and if you were in the lobby you couldn't see the lead singer. He said that they didn't seem to have any attitude at all. He said he wonders if it was management that was throwing out all of the rules. Howard said that must have been it. Gary said that security just about tackled some of the students when they tried to take pictures up there. Gary said the guys seemed to be pretty cool too. He said they sold out the Garden in no time at all.
Howard and Gary were talking about the Kings of Leon music and Gary said they had a second hit other than the one Howard liked. Gary said it was a hit song but Howard said it's not a hit unless everyone knows about it. He said he had never heard the song when Fred played it.
Howard asked Gary about doing his pre-interview for Letterman. Gary said he was going to do it today but then they had to schedule it for tomorrow and the woman usually has that day off so she's coming in just to do that. Gary said he can't do a pre-interview until noon on Monday so they had to get it done before then. Gary said he thinks he's getting 6 minutes on Letterman. Howard told Gary to be funny he should just say that he's not leaving the show and just sit there. Howard said he should just walk out and not leave or sit there for the next taping.
Howard told Gary to go out and sit there and maybe do a Jackass stunt. Gary said he could set fire to the couch like Bobcat Goldthwait did. Howard said that was on the Tonight Show though. Howard said he never sees Bobcat anymore. Gary said he's a director now. Howard said he never did gel with that guy. Gary said he did for a while. Howard said he tried.
Howard said he's been in a lot of meetings lately and one executive said he was shocked that CNN didn't come to him to replace Larry King. Howard said that would never work. He said he wouldn't want to go do that. He said he thinks that Piers Morgan is going to have a tough time with it. He's up against Hannity and guys like that.
Steve got back to his preview and said that Popeater.com has written an article about Gary and they insulted him in the first sentence with some bad teeth and breath references. Gary said that stuff doesn't really bother him. Howard saw that Ross was coming into his office so he had better go off and talk to him.
Howard said he's told Ross not to bother Gary during the show but he's in there. Gary said he might not even be there for him. He might be there for Will since they had a bet together.
Steve got back to his news preview and mentioned another couple of stories. Steve also mentioned that Scott the Engineer is heading out to his big bowling tournament this weekend. They'll have Howard TV covering all of that. Howard said he wishes that they had that running live on Howard TV. Doug told Howard they'll have clips for him the next day.
Howard said he heard that Scott is complaining that he has to take so many bowling balls with him. He has to take 9. Howard told him to just bring 2. Scott said he has to have enough for the many conditions he has out there. Howard said it's a fucking bowling ball and he could do just fine with two. He said that Scott's hand is also all marked up from practicing. The hand is all swollen up too. Howard asked how many games he'll be playing. Scott said they do 12 a day with a total of 60. He said he doesn't think he'll be in the top 20 but he has high expectations. Scott said he will definitely not be last. He said he guarantees he'll be around 150 of the 250. Howard said he'd be pleased with that performance. Scott said he doesn't think he'll do any worse than that.
Howard said that if those pros lose to Scott then shame on them. Scott said the guys who were training him told him he's very good. He said they put markers on the alley and he was hitting them 95 percent of the time. They were surprised at how accurate he was. Robin said maybe he should go pro after this. Scott said that PBA.com will be streaming the show during the day. He said he bowls at around 2pm Eastern on Monday. Then he bowls at 7 at night again. Tuesday it's at 10:30am.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. Jon ran down the stuff they were going to try and cover on today's show.
Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone. Mutt told Howard they'll be talking about what will happen if Howard retires. They'll be talking to the fans about that. Howard said it's hard to believe it's been 5 years already. Mutt said that it's ridiculous how long ago it seems he was at K-Rock. Howard said he was thinking about the first time they turned on the mics there and it doesn't seem like that long ago.
Mutt said they'll also be talking about Howard and Jay Thomas and whose career they'd like. They'll talk about Eric the Midget and other things like that. Howard said Eric is scheduled to take that test according to Gary. Howard had Eric on the line but he may have fallen asleep. Howard listened in and he said it did sound like he was sleeping. Howard said it's like a little baby. Mutt mentioned some of the other stuff they'll be talking about tonight at 7pm on Howard 101. Howard let him go and moved on to Robin's news.
Robin tried to start her news but Fred interrupted her with her Guatemalan theme music. Robin started off with a story about the Yankees and the Phillies and how neither team is doing very well. Robin said that Will and Ross have a bet on that and she's not sure what will happen if both teams lose. Howard said he would kick Will out of there if he loses the bet. He said he'd love to see Ross running around in a dress though. He said that Ross must want that on some level because he wouldn't agree to the bet if he didn't. Will came in and said he agrees with him on that. He said that he must like dressing in a dress like a little girl. Will said he's been in a dress before and he looks damn good. Robin read some more news about baseball and Howard said he's so glad he doesn't give a shit about this stuff.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that he has to stop talking about how many days he has left. She said that it feels like being on death row. Howard said he's kind of fascinated with it. He said that he hasn't been this relaxed in a long time.
Robin read some news about the NFL trying to crack down on vicious hits. She said that they will start fining people over this if they feel that they are vicious. She had some audio of a player talking about what's going to happen now. They're going to have more knee injuries because the guys are going to go in low.
Howard took a call from frequent caller Lilly who said that she really enjoyed the Billy Joel interview yesterday. Lilly said that Howard said Billy is the best we have and she thinks that Howard is also the best they have. Howard said he doesn't think about that.
Lilly asked Howard if he told Beth about Granny Anni. Howard said he was telling her some stuff about her but not about her fucking two dogs. He said he almost told her but he held back. Howard said that Carol Leifer sent him a note saying that interview was disgusting but she thought she was one of the best guests they had on. Robin said that some people thought she was having trouble walking out of there but she didn't see her having any problems. Howard said he'd like to know what she didn't talk about. She said so much about fucking dogs and stuff and he'd like to know what she was embarrassed to tell him about. Fred said she even told him that the dog's cum tasted salty. Howard said it was funny when she said she didn't want to talk about being friends with Britney Spears after telling them about fucking dogs.
Lilly said she had to run to take care of her baby. Howard said he forgot she had a baby. Howard asked if she's hot. Lilly said she's very attractive. She said she saw Howard out at Nobu one night but she didn't want to invade his privacy. She asked how his parents are. Howard said they're fine. She said she loves Howard and she had to go. Howard said they've asked her to send in pictures and she said she will but she never does. Lilly claims she looks like Gina Gershon. Howard said she probably looks like Dudley Moore.
Robin got back to her news and read more of that NFL news and had some more clips of the players talking about how they're going to deal with it.
Robin read about how an NPR employee was fired after he went on the Bill O'Reilly show and talked about Muslims. Robin had some audio of the guy saying that he gets nervous when he sees people on a plane in full Muslim garb. Howard said the guy is just being honest. He wasn't saying anything racist. Howard said he doesn't need to defend Bill O'Reilly but what he said wasn't inaccurate. Robin said that Bill doesn't have a problem, this Juan Williams is the one with the problem. He was the one who was fired. They went to break after that.
After the break Howard came right back and said he heard a guy on the Wrap Up Show complaining that he breathes too much. Howard played that clip and said he laughed at the guy when he heard that.
Howard said he heard Gary out in the hall making noise so he kicked him out of the studio. He said he had a lot of phlegm in his throat. Howard said Gary swears to him that he only gets phlegmy when he's around him. Howard said Will was cracking up when he kicked Gary out. Howard said Gary leaves and then comes back after he clears up the phlegm. He said Robin should be in there for that. He said he should have the camera in there when they have that meeting before the show.
Robin got back to her news and read about bullying in school and cyber bullying. That led to Howard talking about why he's so nuts from being bullied in school. Robin had some other details of a study done about the bullying thing. That led to Howard and Robin talking about Billy Joel and his father leaving the family. They spent a little time on that subject.
Robin read some news about some crimes over in the United Arab Emerits. Howard said that he would never go over there.
Wendy the Retard called in and said that she's trying to get some money before Howard leaves. She said that she's trying to get some money for Christmas gifts for her nephews. Howard said last year she went to the store and bought stuff for herself. Wendy said that's not what she did. Gary came in and asked Wendy what she spent her money on the last time they gave her money. She said it was on food. Wendy said she went to the store and bought food and a bar of soap. Gary asked what happened to the other $499. Wendy said she bought food and a Game Boy and paid her other friends back. She has also used it for buying lottery tickets.
Howard played a prank call the guys made to a radio show using clips of Wendy asking for money. They just kept playing Wendy's clips while the host kept saying hello to her.
Jason came in and said that he had Wendy's text messages from when she got her money last. She went out and bought a Game Boy and 3 games and some candy. Wendy said she needs to buy food. Howard said she needs a lot too because she's so big. Wendy said she eats like 24 hours a day. She said last night she had Hamburger Helper. Howard asked if she eats like a pound of hamburger and a pound of pasta. Wendy said that's right.
Wendy said she had some McDonald's for breakfast. Howard asked her what she weighs. She's 227 pounds. Howard said she must have to shit at McDonald's when she eats all of that stuff. Wendy said she did. Wendy said she had diarrhea and almost missed the toilet. Wendy said she fills the toilet with shit sometimes. Sometimes she doesn't make it to the toilet and she just leaves it for someone to clean up.
Gary said that Wendy told them that she got robbed recently too. Wendy said she set her pouch down for a minute and she was missing $50 from it. She said that someone helped themselves to the money. She was talking about one of those fanny packs.
Ralph called in and said that it's ridiculous to give her money for Christmas gifts. He said that she's retarded and no one is expecting anything from her. He said she could just draw pictures for her nephews. Wendy said they are expecting something from her. They're 7 and 4 years old. Howard said they must be smarter than her already. Wendy said that they might be.
Howard said Ralph makes a good point. No one expects anything from her. Howard hung up on Ralph when he called Wendy a retard and told her that she was wrong about the day that Christmas fell on. Wendy thought it was a Sunday.
Howard said he's not going to give her any money right now. He said she'd just spend it now. Howard said he has to give it to her. He said she's retarded and this makes her day. Howard asked if she's going to buy junk with it. Wendy said she's going to buy the kids what they want. She said that they're going to get some game systems and things like that. Howard gave her $500 from their sponsor Six Star Nutrition. He said that she can't call him again asking for Christmas money. Wendy said alright to that. Howard asked what she's going to do if he leaves radio. Wendy said she'll see if she can get a job. Howard said no one is going to give her a job. Wendy said she's on government money right now but she doesn't get much. She used to bag groceries. Robin said she could still do that. Howard told her not to call back about money. Wendy said she won't. She thanked Howard after he reminded her to do that.
Robin got back to her news and read about a pilot who says that body scans are violating his privacy rights. That somehow got Howard asking Gary if he's prepared to pack up and get out of there if they have to leave. Gary said he'll make it happen. He said they may have to have a meeting about that. Howard told him to just make it happen.
Robin read some news about the Steven Colbert and Jon Stewart rally down in Washington DC. Robin said that they're expecting a lot of people down there. Howard said he has the feeling no one is going to show up. Robin said there are many countries that are planning to show up to the rally. Howard said he doesn't know of anyone planning to go down there. Robin didn't either.
Robin read about how President George W. Bush is missing being pampered like he was in office. Robin said that he was out at an event talking about that and about how great Air Force One was. Robin read some quotes from Bush about what he does and doesn't miss about being the President.
Robin read about how Jean Claude Van Damme is denying that he had a heart attack on the set of his movie. Robin said that they're claiming he didn't have a heart attack and he's doing just fine. Howard was about to wrap up the show but Gary came in and asked what they're supposed to pack and where are they bringing it. Howard said he'll have to let him know. They ended the show around 11:05am.
Scott came running in and said that he's not going to be bowling against anyone. He's bowling against himself. Gary said that there will be people there though. Jon asked if they are all pros there. Scott said they are all PBA pros. He said they're on tour all the time. He said they have to meet some requirements before they're allowed in. Scott said he will not bowl what he bowls in his league. He said he knows that he can compete and be better than some of those guys.
Jon was willing to take a bet with Scott about how well he'll do. Scott said that they break it down in 5 days so he's saying he will finish in the top 150 in one of those 5 days. Jon and Gary both took the bet. They were betting against him doing that well. They wanted to bet on the overall outcome. Scott thinks that he'll finish in the top 200 of the 250.
A caller said that Scott can beat some of those guys but he's not sure he's going to do as well as he thinks. Jon asked if Scott is worried about not being there for a week. Scott said it is on his mind but he thinks it'll be okay. Jim McClure is going to sit in for him and handle his work. Jon said that it would be great if Scott finished in the top of the tournament.
Jon and Gary talked about how happy Scott seems to be these days. Scott said he woke up about a year ago and he lost weight. He said his attitude is better and with that, better things are happening. Gary said that the older you get the more compliments you get for being within a few pounds of your target weight.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has to call bullshit on Gary and Howard today. He said that Howard must know that they're not going anywhere. He said that if it was really uncertain then the press would be all over this. He said they just have to tell them that they're not going anywhere. He said Gary knows something. Gary swore on the life of his kids that he does not know. Gary said he thinks Howard really is still negotiating. He said he thinks Howard would like to stay there but he doesn't think that he has an answer yet. The caller said Howard will probably reveal the answer on December 9th. Gary said he'll take the guy's number and if Howard says he's leaving, he'll give him a call back.
Gary said that he thinks Howard would have called him to let him know what he plans on doing. He said he hasn't gotten that call. Jon said that it's getting pretty late in the game and they really don't know what's going on. Gary said that they honestly don't know what's going to happen.
Jon took a call from one of the guys that worked with Scott. The guy said that he doesn't think Scott will finish in the top 200. He said he probably won't be competing for a title. The guy said that he was there when Scott was bowling and he did surprise him. He said he was better than he thought he'd be but the level of competition is high. He said that he probably won't be able to compete like he thinks he will.
Gary asked the guy what he would tell Scott if he said he wanted to go out on tour. The caller said that Scott is 57 years old so it might be a little too late to be starting a professional career. He said he doesn't want to squash his dreams but that's what he thinks. He said that these guys fight and claw for everything. They spent a few minutes talking to that guy and then went to break.
Jon played a clip of Showtime stuttering as he was talking to Howard. After that clip Jon asked why he would be great on the red carpet. Gary said that no one can walk away from someone like that when they're asking a question.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that this guy reminded him of Bill Murray in Caddyshack. Gary said that it reminded him of that character in Fat Albert that had a little stutter. The caller said he also thinks that Howard started stuttering after that interview. He told the guys that Howard was stuttering during the Thea Vidale interview. Gary said he'd have to listen to that.
Jon said that it seemed that Showtime was very appreciative of them offering him the chance to go out and do the interviews unlike Eric the Midget. Gary said that won't get Eric inspired to do anything for them. He said that's just Eric.
After that clip Jon and Gary asked what Thea must have been thinking when she saw that machete coming at her. Jon asked Gary what he thinks she should do about her weight. Gary said everyone does it in their own way. He said that she has to give it a try and see what she can do with the gastric bypass.
Ralph called in and talked about how some people should stay heavy. He said that Richard Christy looks odd now that he's lost weight. He said he should gain like 50 pounds and get fat again. Jon said that Tim got too thin according to some people. Gary said that they didn't have time to get used to the thin Tim though.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary if he has a contract there or with Howard. Gary said he has a contract with Sirius. He said that his contract expires when Howard's does. Gary said he can't do anything to get them to give him an answer. The caller thought that he should be able to get some kind of answer. The caller asked who there has individual contracts. Gary said he thinks it's Howard, Fred, Robin and himself. He said he thinks that everyone else is hourly or salary. The caller said there are too many contracts involved there. Gary said there is just one that counts. The caller said he gets that but there has to be an answer there already. Gary promised the guy that they're just worried about Howard's contract at this point.
The caller asked the guys if they would ever write a book about the show instead of about themselves. He said he'd like to hear them do something like that. Gary said he doesn't think Howard is interested in writing something like that at this time.
Jon brought up the call Howard took from Senator Al D'Amato. Gary said that he was saying some really wild stuff today. He said he was calling some people funny names and some other wild stuff.
Jon asked Gary who he thinks is the person that Howard's endorsement really helped. Gary said he has no doubt in his mind it was Governor Whitman. They spent a minute on that subject.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he finds it hard to believe that Howard is leaving them all hanging without letting them know what their future is going to be. Gary said he has put his full trust in Howard and there has been no discussion on or off the air of what they're going to be doing or not doing. It sounds like Howard wants to work but it remains to be seen where that will be. They had to end the show a short time later.
Today's Best of the Week was over around Noon.