|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about his birthday coming up tomorrow. He's turning 56. Robin is 57. Howard said that's old and it's crazy that they're that old. Howard said it must be weird for his parents to have a 56 year old kid.
Howard said he doesn't feel like he's an adult. Robin asked if Howard's parents feel like adults. Howard said he thinks they have been since they were 10. Robin said he has done adult things. He's gotten married and had kids. Howard said he still feels out of control with all of it. He doesn't have a handle on it. Robin said she still has all of that stuff to do. She hasn't grown up at all.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about what was going on with Jay Leno. Howard and Robin talked about how crazy things got over the weekend with Jay Leno's show being canceled and how he's being moved back to 11:35. Howard said that the guy who is getting screwed the most is Conan O'Brien. They want to move his show time around.
Howard said he doesn't know why NBC decided to move Conan to the Tonight Show slot when Jay was doing fine and beating David Letterman. Howard said Conan may be entitled to some big money if he leaves NBC. Howard said if he were Conan he would leave. He said that's what the threat is right now. Howard said FOX might be interested in him but it's not clear if that's true or not. Howard said Conan is damaged goods because of this move.
Howard said Conan could say that he got bad ratings because of Jay Leno being a poor lead in to the news before his show.
Robin said Jay Leno might be in the best position. Howard said he's not sure about that because his show failed. He said that they could lose the franchise of the Tonight Show. Howard said they've come up with a compromise and possibly put Jay on for 30 minutes and then Conan on for an hour starting at 12:05am. Howard said Jay would do his stupid monologue and then Conan would come on. Howard said they'd keep Jimmy Fallon around but they're not sure what they'd do with Carson Daly.
The caller asked Howard if he has ever seen Carson's show. Howard said he thinks he saw it once when it started. The caller said that the show was always really loose and they said they were going to get it together. Howard asked if the caller liked the show. The guy said that he did like it better than Jay Leno's show.
Howard said he thinks Conan is upset about this whole thing but the guy doesn't have a fucking rating. He said you don't get a free pass in network TV if you don't have ratings. Howard said if you don't have any then no one wants to know you. He said he should be angry that they moved him to that time slot and proved him that he's not a ratings earner. Howard said Conan pushed to take over that show and they bought into it. Now he's not getting ratings and they're going to make changes.
Howard said Conan should have stayed at 12:30 because he wasn't able to beat Craig Ferguson. He said he should have stuck it out until Jay Leno was having a hard time with his own ratings. Then he could have come in and taken over.
Howard said he thinks that Conan is going to leave because of this whole shake up and that's just what NBC wants. Howard said he's sure that Conan isn't going to stick around. Robin said Jay must want the whole Tonight Show back.
Bobo called in and said that NBC brass should have consulted with Howard on this whole thing. Howard said that almost everyone saw through the whole thing and knew it wouldn't work. He said he liked the people who said that the show would come through eventually. He said that anyone could have done as well as Jay did at that time.
Howard said he doesn't understand TV because they rewarded Conan with that Tonight Show even though he couldn't beat Craig Ferguson. He said Jimmy Fallon is just sitting there saying he'll do whatever they want him to.
Pete asked if they think it's accurate because of what? Howard said he really doesn't know anymore than what's in the newspaper. Howard said no one has contacted him about anything. He said he asked Gary how to contact Artie and no one seems to know how.
Pete asked Howard where this is going to lead. He asked Howard where he's headed. Howard said he's headed to the same place he's always headed. He's just doing radio. Howard said he does the show and whoever else shows up, shows up. He said that Artie has been through a terrible thing and to be that sad and depressed shows he's at the bottom and in great despair. Howard said he sits next to the guy every day and he didn't know he was that bad off. Howard said he was in great despair.
Howard said Artie may have needed time off. He said he knows that Artie has to get help and he's been hesitant to do it. Howard said he hopes this is rock bottom for the guy. Pete said it's worse than that, it's whacko stuff. Howard said the guy is ill and he has everything to live for.
Howard said someone sent him a Johnny Cash version of ''Hurt'' with video from the TV show with Artie in it. Howard said he watched it like 3 times this weekend. Howard said they show video of Artie and Dana from the Newlyweird Game and he's smiling and happy and kissing Dana. Howard said they flash back and forth between Artie in recent weeks and it's startling to see him deteriorate.
Howard said he woke up in the middle of the night a few times over the weekend and Beth thought it was the new cat. Howard said it was actually him thinking about what Artie did to himself and how it was too hard for him to comprehend. Howard said you don't know someone's demons and what's going on inside of them.
Pete asked if anyone else has done anything like that before. Robin said she's been in a bad place like that but she never followed through on it. Howard said he's never been that sad that he would attempt something like that.
Howard said sometimes you're so far gone that you just want a road out and not a road back to health. Howard said when you get to a certain point you might not feel like coming back. He said Artie may be forced to get help and he may not even want it.
Pete said that Artie takes life for granted. Howard said that's a rational person speaking. Robin said that they don't know what kind of pain Artie has been in. Pete said he's been in pain too and so has everyone else. Howard said Artie just handles it differently.
Howard said he feels bad for Artie's mother having to deal with this. He said it's not something to be picked apart and dissected on the show. He told Pete that trying to analyze him is judging him. Robin told him he hasn't walked in his shoes. Pete said he has walked in his shoes. He said Artie lost his father and a lot of people have lost their fathers. Howard said he's not sure what Pete is saying but he has trouble going along with it.
Pete asked how much sympathy they're supposed to have for the guy. Howard said he can't tell people how to react to it. Robin told Pete he can have whatever reaction to him he wants. He said that he has spent time with Artie and a lot of things happened that he wouldn't even talk about on the air. Howard let Pete go after that.
Yucko the Clown called in and said Pete doesn't know what he's talking about. He said there are a lot of people talking about Artie and they don't know what Artie has done for so many people. Yucko said that he's done a lot for him and no one knows what Artie is going through.
Howard said he was reading stuff about Artie on the web and saw that Perez Hilton was posting stuff about Artie being fired. Howard said that kind of stuff could set Artie off again and posting it without knowing the truth can be damaging. Howard said he always knew that this was probably going to end badly for Artie because he wasn't getting any help. Howard said he has asked Artie if he's going to see psychiatrists and stuff and he claimed that he was going but then it turned out to be not true when he said he was.
Yucko said that Artie has done so much for him. He said he did the show to help his parents out and he's a good guy. Howard said he is a good hearted guy and they can only hope that he gets some help. Howard said the guy is talented and just a good guy. He said he feels for him and even more for his mother. Robin said you have to feel for all of them. She said that the whole family is in pain. She said she can't imagine what it was like for him to feel that kind of pain to do that to himself. Howard said he cries when he has a paper cut so he can't imagine that either.
Another caller said he's a recovering heroin addict and that first year of trying to get off the stuff is the worst. He said he tried to kill himself too. He said in that first year he went through 5 years of psychology to get his mind straight. He said he can relate to where Artie is at.
King of All Blacks called in and said that it's funny when people call in and say they're in disbelief but then they don't talk about what they have done for Artie. King said that he doesn't get why someone who has so much could do something like that. Howard said he doesn't know what Artie has going on in his mind. He said he's different than King. King said he doesn't think he is.
Howard said he knew a family that lost a son when he stabbed himself right through the heart in front of the family. He said there is anger in all of that and there may have been a lot of anger with Artie. Robin said she used to threaten to hang herself in front of her mother. Howard said that might be the height of narcissism to do something like that. Robin said she thought about it and it wouldn't hurt her family enough so she didn't do it.
King asked Howard if he wants to live. Howard said he wants to live as long as he can. He said that's why he eats right and works out. He said he knows people who are his age and look terrible. He wants to feel good and look the best he can. He said he wakes up in the day and looks forward to a lot of stuff. He said he enjoys a lot of stuff so he gets up and looks forward to starting another day.
Howard said he likes waking up in the morning and reading about Conan O'Brien losing his show. Robin said she likes getting up and reading about Harry Reid saying that racist comment he made about President Obama. Reid apparently said that he never would have gotten elected because he didn't talk street and wasn't dark skinned. Howard said he didn't think it was all that outrageous to say. He said that Obama speaks like an intelligent man, that's why he got elected.
Howard said that if you walk into a room and you think about everyone's race then you might be racist. Robin said that you categorize them by their race when you're racist. King said that when he sees dark skinned black guys he feels nervous. He said he's more nervous with dark skin than light skin. Howard said he gets nervous with a lot of people walking on the street. He said he's neurotic though.
Howard and Robin were talking about some of the other names that were being thrown around. Howard said that they were arguing about this whole ''Negro'' thing and how that's causing an uproar. Howard said that Malcolm X came in and said that they had to stop using that name. Robin said that the whole ''African'' American thing doesn't work because they're not African. She said that she was born there and she's not African. Robin said she likes ''black'' and that's that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's so sorry about Artie. He said he's really sick of King of all Chocolate People. He said that he's always asking ''Howard, what do you think?'' King said he doesn't do that for himself. He said he knows what Howard thinks, he's just asking for everyone else.
Howard said that they have a new cat at home. He said Beth brought the cat home and it's named Apple Stern. Howard said they didn't name the cat. He said Beth works at the North Shore Animal League and she sees all of these animals who have sad stories. He said she wants to take them all in but this cat thing was something else. Beth told him it was time to do it. Howard said he didn't think it was time. They're in the middle of fixing up the apartment and stuff and he didn't want to leave the cat living in the house. He said Beth put her foot down and said they were just going to do it.
Howard said he went to his psychiatrist and the guy didn't agree with him. He said he was arguing that the other person has to be equal. Howard said he said ''What?'' and wondered what he was talking about. Howard said the guy makes him see that he's wrong.
Howard said this cat was left in a box at the North Shore. He said the only note on the box was the cat's name. He said the cat was very thin and no one would adopt it. It's been in a cage for 5 months. Howard said she had a skin disorder so she was chewing her fur. Howard said they think it's from being nervous. Howard said they think there's something wrong with her but there isn't. She just needs some tender loving care. Howard said they brought the cat home and put her in one room. He said they keep her in that one room and they introduced the dog to the cat. Howard said the people who owned the cat before had her declawed. Howard said that's kind of a mutilation thing and they think that could have to do with her chewing on herself. Howard said the cat gave the dog a swat but the dog didn't care and they're getting along just fine.
Howard said the cat loves him. He said he walks in the room and it comes right up to him. He said Beth spends time with the cat too and she's working on her with that animal magic she has. Howard said he's okay with the cat. They have a picture of Beth holding the cat up on HowardStern.com. Howard said they'll fatten that cat up too. He said that she's kind of skinny right now. Howard said he's had a cat and dog before. He lost that but he's working up to it again.
Hanzi wanted to explain what was going on. He said he'll call in and try to talk about something and they won't pick up on him. He said that they'll get calls from people who ask for money and plugs but then he thinks that they have something against him.
Howard asked Hanzi at what age he was diagnosed as being mentally ill. Hanzi said he hasn't been. He said that he might be bi-polar or something. Hanzi said he might be but he's not sure that he is. Howard said he doesn't even know who Hanzi is but he hates to burst his bubble with that. Hanzi said Howard loves when people are in pain. Howard said he doesn't like it when his listeners are but people like Jay Leno, yes. Hanzi said he doesn't know what's going on.
Howard said he really doesn't know Hanzi. Gary asked Howard what ethnicity Hanzi is. Howard said he doesn't know. Hanzi said he's called in about that before. Howard said he doesn't know so Gary had Hanzi tell him what he was. He was Pakistani. Howard said he speaks to his fans on the phone but he really doesn't know them that well. Hanzi said that Howard keeps tabs on him and his staff knows about him. Robin said they know how many times a day he calls but that's about it. Gary said that he's gotten a lot of messages from him where he talks about the people there having something against him.
Hanzi said that he sends a lot of positive email to the show. Gary said it's usually 3-1 with three of them being negative. He said that he'll threaten to cancel his subscription and things like that and then he'll send one nice one.
Howard asked Hanzi about his relationship with his parents. He lives in the house with them but he doesn't speak to them. Hanzi thinks that he should be entitled to speak to Howard too because he pays to hear the show. Howard asked him if he's on medication. Hanzi said he was on something and Robin said it might be time to up the medication... but not without the doctor's suggestion.
Hanzi said he goes to a gym and there are fans who go there and he'd like to plug the place. He said he's not even sure what he'd get out of it. Howard said he got a note from someone saying that he's enormous so why would he go to the gym. Hanzi told that person to say that to his face. Howard asked the person who wrote it to come in. Will came in. Will asked him why he would go to the gym if he's a big fat fuck. Hanzi told him he was a piece of shit. Hanzi told him to get the fuck out of there and called him a ''sack licker.'' Howard asked Will if he knew he was a Pakistani. Will said he knows he's scary looking, obese and very sweaty too.
Hanzi said that he lied to him about getting him on the show because they had him on for the big loser contest. He said he could produce better bits than Will can produce kids. He told Will to get out of the studio and called him a stupid piece of shit. Hanzi went off on him for a few seconds. Hanzi was all worked up and asked if he could get in a plug for this gym he goes to. He said he goes to this place called Fanatics.
Howard didn't even remember Hanzi was in the studio. Hanzi didn't seem to believe that. Howard said he really doesn't remember every person that comes in there. Hanzi said he gets that.
Howard said there are people he sees every day in the hall there and he doesn't know their names. Hanzi said that he has to know him because he was on his radar. He said the staff knows about him and they must pass that information on to him. Howard said that's not what happens.
Hanzi was all worked up and trying to explain how he'll call in and they won't let him on the air. Howard asked him what question he has had that has gotten rejected. Hanzi said he called in about the wrestling discussion they had and wanted to comment on Hulk Hogan not being in a bikini bottom like Howard claimed. Howard said he thought he was in some kind of panties. Hanzi said he was wrong. Howard asked JD if he was imagining that. JD came in and said that Hulk was fully clothed because he wasn't wrestling. Howard said he wasn't sure why he was imagining that.
Howard had Artie audio clips on the phone to yell at Hanzi. They played the clips of Artie yelling at Hanzi telling him he was a fat, pot smoking, fag and stuff like that. Hanzi knew it wasn't him and said he knew it was Sal in the back playing the clips. Howard said they can still have Artie on the show that way.
Howard said Hanzi looks older than his age. He's only 26 but Howard said he looks much older. Hanzi said he has a receding hair line. Howard said that he should grow his hair out instead of shaving his head. Hanzi said he doesn't give a shit.
Howard said Hanzi isn't bald but he's shaving his head. Hanzi said he doesn't want to hang on to his youth. Howard said he'd look better if he had some hair. Howard said if he has hair he should grow it. Hanzi said they have his Facebook profile so they should be able to find some of the pictures with hair. Howard saw another picture and said it wasn't a good look.
Howard said Hanzi looks like he weighs a lot too. Hanzi said he doesn't have any pictures up there from the past year or so. Howard saw a picture of him with a full head of hair and asked why he would shave it. Hanzi said he doesn't give a shit. Howard told him he should give a shit about his appearance.
Robin said she finds it funny that he won't speak to his parents but he's mad at this show for not talking to him. Howard said he doesn't get the hair thing. He said he has a full head of hair and he's shaving his head. Howard said he looks 100 percent better with hair. He let Hanzi go a short time later. Robin figured that this was going to lead to Hanzi calling in more thinking he's going to get this kind of air time every day now. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and thought he was going to have Gary Coleman on the phone. Gary said that they were having a problem getting him on the line. He said he could be there or not. Howard said he saw a show where they talked about Coleman. Gary was in the studio so he talked about the stuff they had talked about in that show. He said they had like $5 million put away for Gary when he turned 21 years old after working on TV for years. It turns out his mother and father somehow got a judge to open his account. Stone Phillips revealed all of this stuff and they found that his parents used the money to buy a strip mall that went out of business. They denied it at first but then he pulled out the paperwork and showed that they had taken that money.
Howard said he read that Gary is in this movie ''Midgets and Mascots'' and he's shown his penis in the movie and he's saying that it's not supposed to be in there. Howard said he got a note from a guy who said that this is all a publicity stunt and it's all fake.
Howard had Gary on the phone so he got to him. Howard said they feel for him about his parents taking his money and stuff. Howard said Gary was the number one network draw when he was on NBC. Howard said he made about 70 million bucks and his parents apparently took it all. Howard went over that story that Baba Booey had just told and asked if he talks to his parents at all. Gary said he doesn't speak to them now. He said he's 41 now and doesn't speak to them. He said he just keeps working.
Howard read that Gary had sold his underwear on ebay. Gary said he didn't sell it, he said Jimmy offered to buy his underwear so he sold it to him and it's hanging in his studio now.
Howard asked Gary about his wife and if he's having sex with her yet. Gary said that they keep that stuff secret. Howard asked if they have intercourse. Gary said he hopes so. Robin said they were on a court show and she was claiming that she didn't have sex with him. Gary said that's not true.
Howard asked Gary about this movie he's in called ''Midgets vs. Mascots.'' Gary said that he didn't sign a nudity rider and he went to see the producers last week about getting this nude scene out. He said they won't take it out of the movie. Gary said he broke up a fight between two of the midgets and they rushed a camera in on him and he doesn't appreciate that very much. Howard asked if it was part of a scene. Gary said it wasn't supposed to be part of the movie. He said his robe parted and his penis in that scene.
Gary said he's going to see a lawyer now and he wants his fans to go to their web site and protest it. Howard said he got a letter from an anonymous source saying that it was all a P.R. stunt. He read that the penis was fake and it was just to drum up publicity. Howard asked if he's being straight with him. Gary said he is being straight with him. He wasn't sure what that idiot was telling him.
Gary said someone snuck a camera in on him and he didn't like it. He said he wants everyone go to the web site and protest it. The web site is MidgetsVsMascots.com. Gary said he doesn't appreciate what they've done but he wants people to help him protest it. Baba Booey asked if they should look at the web site. Gary told Howard he wants people not to see the movie but go to the web site. Howard said this was kind of strange. He let Gary get in a bunch of plugs for the web site even though he was saying he wanted to protest it. Gary said he wasn't sure what to do when they protest it. Howard said it didn't sound like a great plan but he said he would send the listeners there.
Howard let Gary go and said that plan sounded kind of strange. Robin said she'll go there and protest but she's not sure what she'll find there. Howard said that was pretty bizarre. He said that Gary has sued people before. He read that he was going to sue Avenue Q because he was parodied in the play. Howard said he didn't like the presentation.
Howard asked Robin if she went to the Jon Hein Bat Mitzvah. Robin said she was there and there were a lot of other guys from the show there. They talked about Benjy going to the party alone. He was invited a long time ago before the whole holiday party thing even came up.
Howard said he saw tape from the party and they were watching the Jets game there. Howard said the game was on and Sal was unplugging the game to freak all of the Jets fans out at the party. Howard said Gary was watching the game and the TV went black. He'd run to another TV and that one would go black. Gary kept going from screen to screen watching the game. Gary said Sal wasn't even hiding from him and he didn't even see him standing there. Howard said Gary finally saw Sal doing what he was doing and smacked him in the head. Howard said one of the guests at the party said that he was trying to watch the game and he was pissed. Gary said that guy was really pissed.
Sal said that guy was a monster of a guy. Gary said that guy said he was going to kill Sal. Sal said that it was rude to tell him that he'd kill him at the Bat Mitzvah. Sal said he thought it was rude that they even had the game on there. Howard said that it was supposed to be a religious day and they were watching a football game.
Howard heard stories about Sal smoking his e-cigarettes at the party. Howard said he's heard those things aren't good for you either. Sal said he feels great. He said he can't stop smoking them. He said he can't stop though.
Howard heard that Robin had a really short mini-dress on. Gary said it was very short. Robin said she just grabbed a dress and put it on. She said she didn't spend a lot of time picking a dress out. Sal said she was shaking her ass on the dance floor and people had to move out of the way. He said the records were skipping and all.
Robin said Benjy took the floor and danced. She said that it was like their own party there. Howard said Benjy doesn't know how to dance so he just acts like a fool. Sal said he was bowing and kept doing it over and over while they were all dancing in a circle. Benjy said that his dance move is that he can touch his toes.
Howard said he heard about how much money must have been spent on this party. Robin said that they all thought they were seeing most of his JumpTheShark.com money there. Gary said they had a ton of great food there. He said they had fried Oreos there and Tim Sabean was eating those. Robin said she's heard that Tim was going on another 21 day diet but then he was running around with that fried Oreo thing.
Gary said Tim Sabean had vegetables in front of him while they ate but he said he didn't look comfortable eating them. Howard said Tim isn't following what Robin does so maybe he should just order the main plate and eat like normal. He said he could eat a little bit of that and stay away from the fried Oreos. Robin said he has a problem because he can't stop eating. If they had all of that food he'd just eat it.
Jon came in and said that the party was expensive. Howard said he thinks it was over 100 grand. Jon said it was less than half of that or in that range. Jon said that the place was a gorgeous room and they had some great food. He said that Tim was very excited about the fried Oreo thing. Tim came in and said that he went off the reservation a little bit and said he ate the vegetables but didn't drink any alcohol. He said he went out and had some of the fried Oreos and they were great. He said he had some zeppolies too. Gary said they're fried cookies with powdered sugar on them. Tim said he just had one of each.
Howard asked Tim what else he had that night. Tim said he had some grilled vegetables that night. He didn't eat all that much more.
Howard asked Robin if she got any action in that dress she was wearing. Robin said she wasn't looking for any action. Howard said he heard that Jared picked up a hot chick at the party. Gary said that they did seem to be getting along great. Howard said that dude must be really good looking to get chicks like that. Gary said he wondered what it was like not to have to work that hard to get a chick. He said he's never had that himself.
Howard heard that Mike Gange got a phone number. Robin said that Ronnie helped Gange out with that. She said that Ronnie's girlfriend must really love him too. She said the girl is beautiful. She said they had a dance troop there and Ronnie was dancing in there and his girlfriend was getting upset. She went in and grabbed him away from this other girl. She must have thought she was going to lose him to her.
The guys talked about how Scott the Engineer was dancing up a storm there. Howard said they'll have a lot of this on Howard TV this week. Howard said he heard that Jason went up and danced but he was tired after 3 minutes and he almost puked from it. Gary said they had all kinds of food there and they saw Jason on line grabbing scoop after scoop of this stuff. They were all laughing their asses off watching him eat.
JD said he sat next to Jason and saw him dance and then he wasn't able to eat because he was dancing so hard. He said that he may have left early to go home to take a nap. Howard said Jason is like 20 years younger than him and he could beat him in anything athletic.
Jason said he's only 31 so he's like 25 years younger. Jason said that he couldn't even stand up after dancing because it felt like someone shot him in the stomach. Howard said Jason was putting all kinds of stuff on the mashed potatoes he had. Jason said he had ladles of gravy and melted cheese that he was putting on it. He said that was just an appetizer. He said it was awesome though.
Howard said Jason is enormous. Jason said he's actually lost some weight. He said he wasn't eating anything else during the cocktail hour but he had two servings of the potatoes. Howard asked how many times he takes a crap every day. Jason said it's like twice a day and he loves it.
Howard said Sal took pictures of Gary eating. Jason said he saw that going on. Howard said he has like a thousand pictures. Sal said it's almost like it's in slow motion when he eats. He said it's like when they have shark week on TV and you see the sharks in slow motion with their jaws coming out. Sal said Gary is like a retard when he eats. He said Gary loves to be the life of the party until the food comes out.
Sal said Gary has those big lips and he took a few pictures. He said that Gary saw him taking pictures and told Richard to take the camera. He said that Gary would have smashed the camera if he had caught him. Gary told Sal to show the pictures of him and his wife together... but oh yeah, there weren't any. Gary said that Sal and his wife were staying away from each other at the party.
Gary said that Sal has said some terrible things to his wife. He was at the party and talking about how he thought he hurt his wife's back while they had sex. Sal said he was joking about having sex with her and said he would slip a digit up her crack and get her worked up. Howard said he got a note from someone saying that Sal's wife looked miserable at the party.
Jason said that Sal and Richard were sitting on either side of Christine and most of the time Sal was paying more attention to Richard. JD said Sal and his wife didn't get up to dance when the DJ said that it was time for the couples to dance.
Howard heard that Ralph didn't show up to the party and didn't say anything. Jon said that Ralph let him know a few days before that he wasn't going to be there. He didn't seem to think it was that big of a deal.
Jon talked about the CD full of pictures that Sal gave to him. He said there were a ton of them of Gary eating. Howard said he wants to see those pictures.
Sal said that Gary left the party and he and his wife went to their car. He said Gary's wife Mary got into the driver seat. Sal said that Gary wanted to watch the Jet game. Gary said he and his wife had a conversation about it a couple of days before so she was fine with that. Sal said that was very rude. Gary said it wasn't rude and what does he know. Sal said he just wishes that he could sit there in that passenger seat like Gary did.
Howard said he heard that Jon Hein's mom was hot. Robin said she was glamorous and sexy. Sal said he'd do her. He said that she was really hot. Jon said she had him when she was young so she still looks young.
Howard asked who gave the worst gift. He said that JD gave him a low amount but he understands that. He said JD looked good at the party though. It was a big deal for him to come out.
Sal said that Benjy thought Jon's mom was hot too. Benjy said he would do her if Jon would give him her number.
Howard said he finds the whole thing grotesque that they have to spend this kind of money on these parties. He said that the kids need these parties and it's obscene. $50-60,000 for a party is crazy. Howard said they should be saving the money for college. Jon said he has asked the girls if they wanted to go on a trip or have the party and they want to do the party thing. Jon said they didn't even go that crazy with the party. He said that they're not spoiled or anything. He said they do get great things but it's their attitude about it that counts. He said that he thinks they appreciate it and know they've been brought up very well. Jon said he wished Howard could have been there. Howard said he was busy taking care of his cat.
Sal asked Howard if he has spoken to Ralph about what he did wrong on New Years Eve. Howard said he hasn't had that discussion yet. He said he's not going to bring it up because he doesn't care anymore. He said that he's done with him coming over to his house though. Howard said he's going to be banned just like Sal. He never did say what Ralph did though.
Howard wondered why Ablow would be in the cell with the guy. Lisa said that they're supposed to feel more relaxed in the room. She said that Ablow says he'd go back to interview that guy again too. Howard said that's quite a job he has there.
Lisa said that they found that Jillian Barberie has to get a c-section. She's going to be doing that tomorrow, on his birthday. Howard said that she scheduled that C-section for his birthday. Lisa said that the doctor scheduled it for his birthday. Howard said he thinks that Jillian loves him and he could have banged her. He said if she had shown up a week earlier he could have banged her before he met Beth. Howard said he'd have a great story for the air. Howard said he thinks they should have named the baby Howard too.
Lisa said they did an audience poll to find out if Jackie should be on the show. 55 percent say they want him to come back.
Howard said he got a lot of email about the Jackie thing. He said he got a lot about Tracey Millman's show too. He said a lot of people want that. Howard read through some of that email and people do want to hear Tracey with her own show. He also played the audio of Tracey and Benjy on the Wrap Up Show yelling at each other. After playing that Howard said she really does need a show.
Howard read some mail about Benjy never giving a straight answer on the show. People were saying that he brings the show to a grinding halt when he speaks. People were threatening to cancel multiple subscriptions if they don't keep him off the show.
Howard said they got one pro-Jackie comment in the email. He said the rest were negative. He read through a bunch of those emails as well. Howard read the positive stuff and then read through some of the comments from people who don't want him back on the show. Fred played Jackie laughs throughout the email.
After all of that Robin wondered how they're supposed to vote on this whole thing. Howard said that Artie isn't there and they do have the room. Fred said he's not swayed by the polls. Fred said that Jackie didn't want to be there when he was there and he abused the privilege. He said that he doesn't want Jackie back in there. He said that no one else ever thought about walking off the show like Jackie did. Robin said she was going to consider it but Fred has swayed it. She doesn't want him on the show.
Fred said that they can't reward the SternFanNetwork for getting the vote on Jackie's side. Howard asked how they had anything to do with the poll. Lisa said they did it on Sirius.com and not on SFN. Fred said the people on the site are taking credit for it though. Fred said that the emails coming through their own web site were against Jackie being on again.
Howard read some email about Artie too. There were a bunch about that. There were some people who said they adore him and are rooting for him. They want him to get a new chair in there too so they don't lose anyone else.
Howard said Lisa is like Artie's girlfriend on the show with the flirting that they do. Lisa got upset talking about it and almost came to tears. She said that she hopes he gets the help he needs. She said she used to say to him that she was concerned with him. She said she did that before they went on vacation and pulled him to the side and asked if he was okay. She said she hopes he has the chance to rebuild his life and she hopes it works out. Howard asked if she had a sexual attraction to him. Lisa said she admired him and it was frustrating he had this drug problem.
Howard said maybe if Lisa had given him some sweet love he wouldn't have done this. Lisa said she's having a very hard time dealing with the whole thing. She said she spent a lot of time back stage with him at various events. She said she saw a nice side of him at those events. Howard heard that she has a high school picture of Artie on her desk. She said she got that from RollingStone.com. Howard said he had to take another break after that.
Howard came back and said there's a lot going on with the Tiger Woods Mistress beauty pageant. Howard said they're still working on it and they have a couple of ladies who want to be part of it. Howard said they have a $100,000 grand prize thanks to AshleyMadison.com. Howard said it's getting a lot of coverage in the media. Gary said they don't have a date set on it either so they can wait it out for when no one is offering these women anything.
Howard played a news clip where they talked about the pageant. One of the reports was from Maine. Another one from Boston. They all mentioned AshleyMadison.com and what they do.
Howard said they are in talks with several of the ladies so the contest should happen. Howard said he can't wait. He said some of the women are super hot so it should be good.
Howard said the guy who reported this had used Gary's email address as a fake address. The person gave the name as ''Jane Doe'' and TMZ ended up writing back to Gary's address and Howard said he now knows who the rat was. Howard said the guy has a very professional job and he should be ratted out. Howard said he knows exactly who it is. Gary said they know he's listening now. Howard said he should give the name up but he won't. Howard said they know who the guy is now too. He said that they gave details that they didn't even have in the paper. Howard said the guy has a trusted job that's supposed to have confidentiality and it's pretty low to do something like that.
Howard said he'll let Robin read the email. The guy gave out the name he was registered under and all of that. Howard said the guy gave it all up and gave it to TMZ. Howard said TMZ accidentally sent it to them when the responded to the email he had written. Howard said they sent it to Gary not knowing they were giving up their own source. Howard said that's such a shitty business. He's glad he's not in that side of the whole thing.
That led to him talking about the SIRIUS commercial that's been running for a couple of months now and someone thought it was just talking about excellence and not about selling SIRIUS. Howard said he learned that you have to see an image of a commercial like 50 times before you get what the product is they're trying to sell. Howard said there's one commercial he's seen where they have Charlie Daniels playing the fiddle. He has no idea what they're advertising. Robin said she saw it last night and she had no idea what it was for. Fred said it's for Geico and he's not sure what that has to do with insurance. Howard said you eventually figure it out and remember. Howard said they have to thank this streaker because it was good free advertising for them.
Howard said that they're saying that cell phones may help prevent some of the brain wasting effects of Alzheimers. He said that they think it may help with dementia after doing a study with mice. Howard said he's not sure who funded the study but they figured it might have been cell phone manufacturers.
Howard said they have a gay guy who is willing to do anything for the show. Howard read the letter the guy sent to them and he says he's 380 pounds and he's willing to do anything for them. Howard read about some of the stuff this guy was thinking of doing. One thing he said he had a guy want to do to him was fuck a fold in his stomach and shoot a load in there. Howard wondered if Sal and Richard would want to do that to the guy. Howard said that's one a big boy right there. He said he's a big gay boy. Howard said Sal and Richard had a bunch of gay ideas for this guy. They had an endless list for him.
Howard wondered why Conan would want to go to 11:30 and do the Tonight Show in the first place. He wasn't beating Craig Ferguson who isn't even American. Howard said that guy has a foreign accent and the guy doesn't even know what American's find funny and he was beating Conan.
Howard read about Conan being upset about the situation and the way NBC is treating him. Howard said he's lucky that they're even keeping him after he did so poorly in the ratings. Howard said if anyone else is willing to hire him he should take the job. He said he doesn't think he'll be able to take any ratings away from Leno though. He said if he does then that's great but he doesn't see it happening.
Howard read about what the guys at NBC are saying about the whole thing. They're talking about giving Leno a half hour and then Conan would have an hour for the Tonight Show and Jimmy Fallon would follow. Robin said that they'd only need like half the staff if Leno goes to a 30 minute show. Howard said Jay is going to keep John on no matter what. He said that John is like the retarded guy that gets a job and gets put under the wing of someone at the work place.
Howard said if he were Conan he'd jump at the opportunity to keep that job. He said he should just stay. Howard said Leno is a fucking moron and he's going to go along with whatever NBC wants him to do.
Howard read about Conan O'Brien's rep saying that Conan hasn't made any decisions yet. The caller said that Billy Mays infomercials were beating these guys in late night.
Howard read more of the news about the story and had a quote from Saturday Night Live where the news guy said that they're talking about moving the Tonight Show to 12:05 which would put it in a time slot where it's no longer ''tonight.'' Howard said he liked that thought.
Howard read that Leno is coming out smelling like a rose in all of this but he said that's just not the case. This is Leno's failure. Robin asked what this means to Letterman at this point. Howard said he's busy trying to make up with his wife. He's in a whole other trip. Howard said it sucks for Letterman because he wanted to beat Leno but he was just beating Conan. Howard said he's a Dave fan and Jay can go fuck himself. He said Jay can ''suck my dick... asshole.''
Howard said he should sue Jay over that Jay Walking bit he does. He ripped that off of his show. Howard said he can't believe that Conan is really shocked that he's losing his job. He lost for 5 months and didn't have any ratings. Fred said he tanked when he started in the 12:30 slot too. Howard said Conan never really did well so that's why he never understood why they did this in the first place.
Howard said what Conan should do is blame Andy Richter. He said he came back to the show and they didn't do well. He said he would hang Andy out to dry if he was Conan.
Howard and Robin went off on Leno for a few minutes. They were talking about his old cars that he collects and how much money he must be spending on all of that. Howard said Leno used to claim that he only spent the money he made on the stand-up gigs on that stuff. Howard said the guy has to be spending millions to take care of those things.
Howard was doing an impression of Jay and goofing on the way he pretends that none of this matters when it does. Howard said this whole story is great. Robin said she loves Conan. Howard said he does too. He said he's sick of people who think that anyone can do a job like that.
The guys talked about some other wacky names that some football players have. Gary said that Ochocinco is the only one out there so he's very well known. No one will mistake him with any other ''Johnson'' out there.
Howard said that Gary was wearing his Jets jersey today and it wasn't looking good on him. He said it was too long and it was almost like a dress on him. Gary asked what he has worn that looks good on him. Howard said it has to be a XXX-L that he's wearing. Gary said it was just an XL. Howard said it should just read ''I'm really fat.'' He said Gary is still fat. Gary said he's lost like 30 pounds. Howard said his face is still full. Gary said it is not. Howard told him to lose another 25 and he'd look thin. Gary said that would be like his high school weight.
Howard asked Robin if she noticed Gary's weight loss. Robin said she did and she said something to him. Howard said he doesn't spend that much time looking at him. Gary said that he's always goofing on him about when he's fat so he should say when he isn't fat.
Ralph called in and brought up how some guys are named with a ''De'' in front of a regular name. He said there's people like ''De'Shawn'' and names like that. They spent a minute talking about that before Howard hung up on Ralph.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Chat Ochocinco wants to change his name because people are calling him ''Muhcho Stinko'' when he does poorly.
Another caller asked Howard if he has his windows tinted in his car. Howard said he does. The caller said Jay Leno doesn't do that. Howard said that's because he's screaming for attention. He drives those old cars around so people will look at him.
Another caller said he wanted to play Win Fred's Money sometime. Howard told him to send Gary a note and try to get in there. Howard said that guy didn't have anything to say.
Speech Impediment Man called in and said he was watching Lady Gaga on YouTube and wondered if it was a dude or a chick. Howard said she's a chick. He said she's got a killer body too. Speech Impediment Man said there are a lot of people who say she has a penis. Howard said that's crap and she's really a woman. He said it sounds like he's just calling in to call in.
Howard moved on to another call from a guy who said he was going to rag on Eric the Midget but he wanted to talk about Artie too. He said he loves Artie and he has a great heart. He said his problem with Artie is that he's very intelligent and funny but he's been out of a job for 2 years and for Artie to do something like that t himself really shocked him. He said it affects a lot of people and Artie doesn't seem to see what kind of guy he really is.
Howard said from what he understands this is a very severe illness. He said the guy doesn't want to be on the planet anymore and you can't rationalize everything. He said that just because you have everything that Artie has doesn't mean you're not going to be depressed. The caller agreed and said that other famous actors have screwed up their lives too. They talked about Kurt Cobain and how he had the same kind of things that Artie has now. Howard said he had it made but the guy was unhappy. He said you just can't explain it. Howard said he enjoys life himself and he can't imagine even thinking about doing something like that.
The caller said his father committed suicide when he was about 13 years old. He said he can relate to Artie on that part of his life. Howard thanked the guy for the call and let him go.
Howard read about how they thought that Sarah Palin was an unstable person who thought Saddam Hussein was behind the 9/11 attacks. Howard read about how nutty she was according to this book.
JD said the authors of the book were on 60 Minutes last night so he had some audio of that. He told Howard it was up to him if he wanted to hear that. Howard played a couple of clips from the interview where they talked about how wacky Sarah Palin was.
Howard read some of the other strange things they were revealing about Sarah Palin. He had more clips from 60 Minutes where they were talking about Palin screwing up and calling Joe Biden ''O'Biden.'' Howard and Robin talked about that for a short time. Howard said Palin didn't know what she was talking about half the time.
Howard played some of the Sarah Palin audio book clips that Richard edited. They had her saying all kinds of inappropriate things. Howard played a bunch of them including one that went on for like two minutes.
Howard said that was some book she wrote. He said it took months for Richard to edit it into something interesting. They had to go to break after that.
Howard asked if he had a conversation with her. Pete said they did talk. He said he didn't ask her what kind of music she likes. He said the date went in a totally different direction than his last date. He said she has her own place and lives by herself. Pete said she's 31.
Pete said they had a good time and he thinks he's in love with her. Howard said he had a feeling he was. Pete said she's very tall at right around 6 feet. Pete said she's a nice girl. He said he's working up to telling her he loves her. Howard said he's smart to do that. He said that he has to move in while he has the chance. Pete said he's been told she's a keeper by a few people. Pete said he spoke to her after the date and they should be seeing each other sometime in the future. Pete wasn't sure when that would be though.
Pete said everything worked out very well. Howard asked if she lives close. Pete said she's like 10 minutes away. Howard asked if he was going over to her place and staring at her through her window. Pete said he doesn't do anything like that.
Pete said the girl asked him not to say anything else about her. He said he agreed to do that. Pete said he wasn't going to reveal anything intimate or anything like that. Howard asked if she had big titties. Pete said they were decent sized. He said he may have jerked off thinking about her too. Howard asked him to keep them posted. Pete said he will.
Howard asked if she looks like anyone famous. Pete said he didn't know. He said he can't put her face to another one. Pete said she's blonde and she looked good. Gary said he heard that he told Scott a different story. Pete said he didn't know he said that. Howard asked if he was lying to him. Pete said that he told Scott the lie and he's telling Howard the truth... He thinks. Pete said he didn't know what he even said to Scott. Robin asked Pete what he was talking about. Pete said he did kiss the girl and it ended up being very nice.
Ronnie came in and asked Pete what he said to him this morning. Pete said he didn't remember. Ronnie said he was told that he didn't kiss her and ''none of that went down.'' Ronnie said this story isn't the same story he told them out there. Ronnie said he didn't just tell him that, he told someone else the same thing. Ronnie said there wasn't even a dinner. Howard asked what was going on there. Pete said there was a dinner but Ronnie said he was told there wasn't one.
Ronnie said Pete lied about his pants too. He said that he had purchased the jeans cut the way they were but then one of the interns called him out about it and found out he cut them himself.
Pete said he was kind of shy about the whole thing this morning so he was telling them that he didn't kiss her. Ronnie said he's full of it and lying. Howard asked why he told the guys he didn't kiss her and now he says he did. Pete said he wanted to come out to Howard with exactly what happened. Robin said she didn't understand that either.
Ronnie said this girl is a fan of the show too and she's going to know what happened. Pete said he didn't want her to not like him anymore. Howard asked what the truth was. Pete said he's going to stick to the story about the kiss. He said that Benjy hooked him up with some money and he wanted to do right for himself... Howard had no idea what he was talking about.
Howard asked Benjy what his girlfriend does for a living. Benjy said he didn't want to speak for her because she doesn't like being talked about on the air. Howard wondered where she's getting money. Benjy said she doesn't want to be on the air so he wasn't going to say anything. Benjy said she's really shy and doesn't want to be on the air. Robin said she seemed really shy at the party.
Ronnie told Pete to come clean when he leaves the room. Robin said that the truth is going to come out so he should tell them now. Pete said he did kiss the girl and it was very nice. Robin asked when he got on Match.com Pete said that was last week. Robin said that he also talked about the girl he met at the accident. Pete said that was a different girl.
Steve said they found Big Foot ''Uncompetant'' to stand trial up in Vermont. Steve said that his lawyer is no longer returning calls to Howard 100 News.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the list of things they'd be covering on today's show.
Robin read a story about an anti-salt campaign that's being started. She ready that they're trying to lower blood pressure by doing this. Howard said he likes that Bloomberg is doing this kind of thing making people aware of problems like this.
Robin read about Richard Hene, the balloon boy's father, starting his 90 day sentence today. She said that he has been proclaiming his innocence and has been on TV shows doing that. She had some audio of him doing that. He claims he had to plead guilty to protect his wife from deportation to Japan. Robin said she's an American citizen so she's not sure how they could do that. Howard said we can do anything we want in this country. The guy was on Larry King so Howard played a clip of Larry losing it with another interview from last week. Larry seems to be losing it and doesn't know what's going on with some of his guests.
Robin had a story about the movie ''Avatar'' making $48.5 million at the box office this weekend. It's made $429 million in the U.S. alone already. She said that it's been at number one for four straight weeks. Howard asked how much it's generated total all around the world. Robin said that it's number 2 right behind Titanic worldwide and it will overtake Titanic. Robin read about some of the other movies that were up at the top this weekend. The Chipmunks was at number 3. Howard said he hard the new movie ''Daybreakers'' sucked. Howard said he thought it was going to be cool as hell and he'll see it anyway.
Robin read about the prisoners at Guantanamo Bay and they're wondering where they're going to send these people when they move them out. Robin said that they may release them back to their own countries. They spent a short time talking about that story as well.
Howard took a call from a guy who was claiming to be Pete's date from this weekend. The guy said that he just wanted to clear some stuff up and said that he did kiss Pete. Howard had some fun with that for a few seconds before letting him go. Howard said she must have had a cold.
Howard said Pete is freaking out that he talked about the date on the show. Howard said if saying that kissing the girl is going to ruin everything then he's better off getting it out now. Pete said he really liked the girl a lot. He said he totally feels he jeopardized it all. Robin told him to just say he made everything up. Pete said he really did kiss her. Pete said he's afraid that he blew it. Howard said if she's into him for real then this won't screw it up. He said that she wouldn't be for him if she was really upset by it.
Pete said this was a big milestone for him and he didn't want to screw it up. Pete said he didn't know how to approach it this morning so that's why he lied about it with the other guys. Howard said Pete told them he had a date this weekend so he was his own leak. Howard told him he didn't blow anything so he shouldn't worry.
Robin asked how long he made out. Pete said it was about 2 minutes. Howard asked if he blew a load in his pants while he did that. Pete said he didn't. Howard told him not to be nervous about this. Pete said he just wants this to work out. Robin said they rarely work out so he shouldn't worry too much. Howard told Pete he looked good and let him go. He told Pete now he can go back and worry that he revealed that the kiss lasted 2 minutes.
Robin got back to her news and read about the Guantanamo Bay story she had gotten into earlier. She had more details about that.
Robin read Jayson Williams having a court date today even though he was seriously injured in a car crash last week.
Robin had a story about a cop who allegedly fondled the breasts of a woman who was lactating. She said that he was working an off duty detail when he fondled her in the parking lot.
Robin read about some rock and roll stars who are turning 50 this year. Michael Stipe is one. She said that Bono, Chuck D, Amy Mann, Bob Mold and Paul Westerburg are a few others.
Robin read about the guy who was arrested over the security breach at Newark airport last week. Robin read that he was described as a hopeless romantic because he had gone to kiss his girlfriend goodbye by bypassing some security ropes. Howard said the guy didn't really do anything wrong. The security guard should be in trouble too. Robin said he's in trouble too. Howard said the guard is the problem. He's supposed to be there to tell the guy to stop. Robin said that someone should have reported that the security guard wasn't there. Robin and Howard went back and forth arguing about that for a minute.
Robin read a story about an Air Trans jet that had an unruly passenger with an Arab name giving them trouble. Gary said they had this Andy Martin audio clip where he talked about another candidate and revealed that the other guy is gay. Howard played that clip and Martin says he's heard rumors that Mark Kirk is a homosexual and he has surrounded himself with other homosexuals. Howard said he wouldn't vote for that guy just based on what he heard in that ad. He said that guy is a shithead. Howard said outing a guy isn't the right thing to do.
Ralph called in and said that the guy at Newark was an asshole. He was stopped once and he went through the security line anyway. Ralph said he just wanted to kiss the chick and he didn't need to kiss her again.
Robin read the story about the Air Trans guy she brought up earlier. She said that the guy locked himself in a bathroom on a flight and they had to divert that flight to get the guy off the plane.
Robin read about an the execution of a bunch of guys down in Mexico and how that has gotten people scared to go down there. Robin read that it used to be taboo to attack tourists but now there are people who just don't care.
Robin said the North American Auto Show is starting this week. She said that they only have 41 manufacturers showing their vehicles this year instead of the 50 they had last year.
Robin had a story about a 2 year old who was shocked by a USB cable when she put it in her mouth. Robin had some audio of the father talking about that.
Robin read about Catherine McPhee's new album. She said that she's all blonde now. Howard said she's a hot looking girl. He said her album got a bad review though. Robin had a sample of her stuff that she had Howard play. Howard said it was a catchy tune but he laughed after saying that.
Howard said he watched some of the movie ''Kelly Meets Justin'' with Kelly Clarkson in it. He said that Justin Guarini was in it too and it was a lot of music. He said it was quite a movie. He said he wasn't able to get through more than 10 minutes of that crap. He wondered who had that idea.
Robin read that there's going to be a new reality show about Fantasia Barino. She's going to be showing people that things aren't as bad in her life as they're reporting.
Robin read that Belinda Carlisle is out talking about her gay son this week. Robin said that her son came out in 2005 and she was stunned to learn that 5 years ago. He's only 17 now. Robin said that Belinda started to worry about her son because he wanted to get into politics. She had some quotes from Belinda about that. Howard said the only shocking thing about that story was that Belinda Carlisle is 51 years old.
Robin had some Jackie Chan audio since he's out promoting a new movie. Howard said he still can't believe that guy is in American movies. They had to end the show after that, right around 10:50am.
They also talked about the Bat Mitzvah and some of the stuff that went on there. Jason was in and defending his weight since he had lost a few pounds too. Gary said that he lost 30 pounds and said other people have noticed but Howard never misses a day when he's thinking he's fat. He said he'd like him to notice it when he's not a fat fuck. He knows that will never happen.
Jon also brought up the Medicated Pete thing and said that he has apparently been lying to the guys in the back. Jon said that Jason was talking to Pete in the back and asked what he thinks. Jason said that he seems to be head over heals with this chick and he does seem to be worried.
Jason asked if Robin said she contemplated suicide too. Jon said she did say that. Jason said that she's always right there with stories like that when someone else does it. Jason said that he's threatened to do stuff like that too. Jason said he loves Robin but she has the tendency to know or agree with something that other people do or say. He said he'd like her to be in front of a story for once.
Gary said that Robin used to do this thing with the Mike Walker Game where she would get it wrong and say ''That's what I was going to say!'' when the right answer was revealed. She stopped doing it when they pointed it out to her. Jason said Robin is always right there to say that she was going to say it. He was going to pull some audio of that to prove it.
Jon talked about Howard bringing his new cat into the family. He had a clip of Howard talking about Apple the cat and how happy Beth is with the cat.
After that clip the guys talked about Robin making a comment about how that was Howard's perfect family. Jon said they've been giving Howard a hard time about the cat and this is the compromise that people have to make in a marriage. Gary said there is a lot of compromise when you marry someone.
Jason said that when you are married you come to a point where you're not as opposed to something as much as you think you are. He said that he just gives in when his wife is very passionate about something. He said he just gives up easy. Gary said ''Welcome to life...''
Jon moved on to talk about the Bat Mitzvah stuff they talked about during the show today. Jon and the guys talked about what went on there and how Sal had plenty of time to watch what Gary was doing. He said it was all about pranking Gary apparently. Gary said that Sal has this whole other life he spends time on. He said that's why he was doing all of this.
Sal came in and talked about how he and his wife are getting along just fine but Gary didn't think that was the case. He said Sal wasn't spending any time with his wife at the Bat Mitzvah. Jon said that he heard his wife was having a miserable time there. Sal said he sees her smiling all the time but then he sees pictures of her standing in the background looking annoyed and pissed off. Gary said they see that too. Jason said he went over and talked to her because he thought she wasn't having a good time. Sal said he thought she was having a good time. Gary said when he goes over to her she seems to cheer right up. He said she doesn't appear to be in a bad mood.
Sal said that he thinks she has that switch she can flick on and change her mood right away. He said she's like the typical wife that has gone through the trenches of marriage. He said that she always seems to be happy when he turns to talk to her.
Jon said that Sal was goofing on Gary at the party and he wondered if his wife was okay with that. Sal said he spoke to her about it in the car and let her know that he was going to give Gary a hard time. Gary asked if she knows that he has to do it. Gary said he and Richard were talking about it in the car and she just yes's him to death. Sal said he had a great time at the party but he knew that Gary was going to be watching the game on the TVs. He said the DJ was telling him where the plug was so they could pull it on Gary.
Jon said he didn't know this was premeditated so far in advance. He said he knew that Sal was going to pull the plug but he didn't know he was going to do it for every screen in the place.
Jason said they have Richard holding the camera and laughing like a loon the whole time it was going on. He said he didn't even breathe while he was laughing. Gary said that he was over doing it a lot and making it sound like it was the funniest thing ever.
Gary said Sal and Richard may have an effect on his son. He said that he has one of these Sonos systems in the house. He set it up in his son's room and the volume kept getting louder and louder so he would turn it down. He said that it turns out his son was controlling the thing. He said that Lucas was in the closet with a different remote doing all of this to him.
Jason said that Gary has London Calling as the ring tone on his phone. Gary said his son found the song online and he would play the song which would make him go to another room thinking his phone was ringing. He said the kid is funny but the whole Sonos thing was driving him nuts. He said he was about to throw it out the window that day.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Sal should have a reality show based on his family life. Sal said he'd love to tape his father and his wife together in the hospital. He said the dynamic is great. He said his father is an old school Italian and he grunts when he sees her talking to him the way she does. Sal said that his dad and his wife have two completely different ways of thinking.
Sal said his father will do all kinds of weird things. He said his father will use a paper towel roll for a pillow and stuff like that. Sal said his wife won't let him bring a video camera into the house for a TV show like thing.
Sal talked about how he thinks that the marriage is going okay now. He talked about how he would have left his wife when they were having major issues but it wasn't financially possible at the time. They've worked things out since then though.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about the way Sal talks to Gary's wife Mary. Gary said Mary is amused by Sal and she thinks that what he does is kind of funny. They get along just fine. Sal said that she's great and she can carry a conversation and not want to stick an ice pick in his ear like some women.
The guys ended up talking about Jon's mother and how hot she looked. Jason said that Jon's father looks like a father but his mom looks like a super model standing there.
Sal said that Jon's father-in-law was very vibrant too. Jon said he's very lucky because the family likes to have a good time and the guys from the show like to have a good time. It all worked out really well.
Jon took a call from this guy Jay who was the guy getting pissed at Sal at the party. Gary said he wasn't alone watching the Jet game. Jon said there were other people there who wanted that game on. Gary said it was him, Jay and JD who were watching the game. Sal said he didn't notice this guy Jay standing there. Sal said he was laughing at Gary and this guy turned around and went off on him for doing all of this. Sal said he heard he was really pissed off. He said he was sorry about that.
Jay said that Sal was actually fairly well behaved other than that one thing. Jon said he didn't give anyone the speech about behaving at the party. He said that if it was his wedding he may have said something to them. He said that it all worked out though and everyone was pretty respectful.
The guys talked about Richard drinking at the party. He was drinking Mimosas and he lost count of how many he had. Richard said they weren't just mimosas, they were Grand Mimosas. Gary said that was very close to having a dick in your mouth drinking those things. Richard said he was so drunk he didn't remember riding home with Sal. He said he did remember saying goodbye to the bartender.
Sal said Richard wanted to hit a bar on the way to the train. Richard said he wanted to go to the bar to kill time waiting for the train. Sal said he didn't even ask when the next train was going to come. He just wanted to go to the bar.
Jon said that Richard told him he liked the party so much he was going to have a Jewish Wedding when he gets married. Richard said that would be awesome to do something like that.
Jon said that they had some video of Scott the Engineer dancing with people. Jason said that they had elected people as ''table leaders'' at the party and Scott was the one elected for his table. He took it really seriously too.
Scott came in wearing sunglasses and talking about what he did at the party that day. Scott said he took that captain thing very seriously. He said they had to pull Robin and Tim on to the dance floor. Gary said that he never imagined that he'd be the guy to walk out of the party because it was so loud but that's exactly what happened.
Gary said he loves Tim Sabean but seeing him eating the vegetables was just wrong. He said that he's not that kind of guy. Sal said he's like the fat chick that eats vegetables and has a box of chocolates shoved under her bed at home.
Jon mentioned Jason eating the mashed potatoes so Jason talked about how great that was. Jason said they had ladles that were huge and he was mushing it all into a soup to eat. Richard thought it was a wine glass but it turned out to be a glass full of potatoes.
Sal said someone went up to Jason's table thinking that was a buffet table. Jim McClure said that Jason's glee was like a dog waiting for a treat. He said he was dancing from foot to foot and he kept looking back at everyone all excited about the stuff they were adding to the potatoes.
Jared Fox came in and said that the Grand Marnier that was in Richard's drink was locked up but Richard was tipping the guy like 5 bucks per drink so he was adding it to the Mimosas.
Jon asked Jared about the chick he was hitting on at the party. That led to Gary saying that he's never had a girl ask him to go to the bar with him like that girl did with Jared. Gary said Jared is one of those guys that doesn't have to work to get women like that. Jason said that most women are turned off to guys at parties like that. He has worked with dancers like that before and they don't go to guys unless they are something special.
The guys also talked about Gange getting a phone number at the party. Scott said Ronnie helped make that happen. He said it does look good right now.
Benjy asked what the reasoning was to get the number. Was it a date or was it something like getting the chick to do photographs for him.
Ronnie came in and said he heard Gange thought the girl was cute. She was a photographer at the party so he had her come over and take a picture of him and Gange together. Ronnie said he helped Gange out and they ended up exchanging phone numbers and they're going to go out. He said that he's happy he helped his man Gange out.
Jon asked Ronnie about his behavior at the party and if he was acting all straight in the beginning and eventually got wild. Ronnie said that's what he does.
Ronnie said he had a great time at the party with his girlfriend. He said that Scott got out there and danced and that set him off. Ronnie said Scott put those glasses on and it got him going. He said he was doing all kinds of things out there on the dance floor.
Jon asked the guys if they think Howard would have had a bad time at the party. Gary said it may have been a little loud for him. He said he may have had fun in their little group but he probably would have left early. The guys all figured he wouldn't have had a good time.
The guys were also talking about how JD was at the party and he seemed to be enjoying himself. Gary said the confidence pills must have kicked in. They said that he has had a good time before but he seemed to have a good time at this party that he may not have had a good time at before the meds.
The caller said that Benjy is a show stopper. He said he brings it to a grinding halt every time. Gary said maybe they should call him ''the cooler.'' Benjy pretended he was amused by it but he was just goofing on them. They had to go to break after that.
Jon asked the guys what they thought about Hanzi and his complaints about the show. Gary said he got some voice mail over the weekend and he had about 5 messages from Hanzi in a row. He gets really upset thinking that they're ignoring him. He said Hanzi thinks that there's a plot against him or something.
Jon said there are people who think that Howard remembers everything about them. Gary said Howard does a great job when someone comes into the studio. He said that people will call him like 20 years later saying that Howard told them to come back when they have more to plug and he'll have to turn them down.
Jon took a call from Cyrus in Philly but he may have been asleep. Jon hung up on him a short time later. He took another call from a guy who brought up the Medicated Pete date. He asked if they believe anything he said. Gary said he's not even sure if he went on a date at all. The caller suggested they have him take a lie detector test. Gary said that would be going a long way for that.
Gary said he's not sure why Pete would lie about that stuff. He said that he's not sure why he told Ronnie and the Scott lies when he first came in. Benjy said he believes that he really kissed the chick.
A caller said she thinks that Pete just says ''yes'' to every question like Beetlejuice or Wendy the Retard do. Gary said he thinks that Howard could get Pete to admit to murder if he questioned him long enough.
Sal said he feels bad for Pete and he may be concocting these things in his head. He said he hopes that he gets laid eventually because he deserves it.
A caller brought up Jon's Bat Mitzvah and told him that maybe he should put that money away for his kid's education. Gary said that this is more of a Northeast thing and it's just the way things are done in New York. Jon said he's happy he spent that money on his daughters. He said it may have been a lot of money but he's lucky that he can do that. Jon said they had everything they wanted at the party. He said he's conflicted about spoiling his kids and having a spoiled kid. He said that might be a fine line but he thinks he's just spoiling his kids and they don't act spoiled.
The guys spent a little more time talking about the party. They talked about how there were more adults than kids there and how it seemed to be aimed more at the adults. There was plenty for the kids to do though. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about his birthday since it was today. Robin said it's a special day. Howard said all of America celebrates his birthday. He said he tells Beth about the old days when they'd have big extravaganzas at places like Tavern on the Green.
That led to them talking about how they're closing Tavern on the Green because apparently only the old guy who died could run it. Howard said they used to be like the highest grossing restaurant in the world. Howard said they used to have crappy food but the ambiance was great. He said it was a tourist trap. He said once you ate there you realized the food wasn't so great. He said the guy ran it for years and made tons of money from it. Then he died and his daughter took over and now they're going out of business.
Howard said it doesn't say much for the kids taking over a business. Howard said the girl was only like 22 years old though. He said he can't blame her. He said the city owns the place and they have to lease it from them. Howard said some other dude bought it and his money went away and the whole thing is closed up. Robin said they're selling off pieces of it.
Howard said there would still be jobs if the old guy hadn't died. He said business is weird because there are only some people who know how to run a business. They go away and the business is done.
Howard said he got an email from Tom Chiusano saying that he bets he won't miss the cake he used to roll in there at the end of the show. Howard said he used to get that cake at the end of the show and all he wanted to do was get out of there. He said he'd wonder ''why me?''
Howard said he's 56 years old. He said he never thought he'd see the day. Something is going crazy. Robin said she never thought she'd be around long enough to see the end of the century. Howard said things are good for him. He said he has a nice wife, kids, cat and dog. He said he has a lot to be thankful for like the fact that his wife isn't 56. He said he was just kidding but Robin said ''sure you are.''
Howard said Robin looks good for 57. He told her to imagine living together and working together if they were married. He said they blew it. He said it's very silly that he hasn't entered her yet. Robin said they're not too old yet.
Howard said William Shatner is coming in today too. He said he wants to call George Takei on the air with Shatner in there. He said he wants to give that a try. Robin said that George would put up with that but Bill isn't going to put up with it.
A caller asked Howard what Beth got him for his birthday. Howard said he doesn't know yet. The caller said Jillian Barberie is having her baby today on Howard's birthday. Howard said she is a real fan.
The caller asked if Ralph's mistake over vacation had anything to do with Jimmy Kimmel. Howard said they get along and it didn't really have to do with him. He said that he loves Ralph but he has some hostility toward him. He said he told Robin the story off the air. He said he had planned a nice New Year's and Ralph's behavior was odd.
Howard read that Jillian Barberie's baby was born yesterday. He said it would have been odd if they had waited for today. He said the husband may have had her have it yesterday. Howard said Rush Limbaugh's birthday is today too.
Howard said the Ralph thing was weird because they put a lot of energy into the New Years thing and he acted a little bizarre. He said he was being inappropriate. That's as much as he'd say about it.
The caller said that Artie seems to be getting into the drug thing when he has to commit to a woman. He said he was like that with Dana and then this new girlfriend. Howard said that this is a deep problem and deep sadness for Artie. He said there is no pattern to it. He said the guy goes through a lot of bad times and he might be going through the worst of it now. He said it's a deep seeded problem that none of them can understand. He said it can't be that easy that it's just when he's with girls. The caller said he might get nervous that the girls are after him for his money and he has to get rid of them somehow.
Gary said this is the same guy who drew jizz on the face of the guy's wife at her party. Howard said that's the kind of stuff this guy has to put up with.
Sal said that his friend, Ian, had some pipes frozen and he had to pay $700 to get it fixed. He decided to have this woman call him as if she was from the company that fixed the pipes. Howard played the call where the the woman called and said that he was a ''Jew asshole'' when she was pretending to speak to someone else. She said she had put him on hold. She kept doing it over and over while Ian was freaking out that she was calling him a cheap Jew.
Howard said the friend handled it very well actually. He said that guy actually likes Sal. Even after that. He said they have a good friendship from what he knows. Howard said Ian is a good sport. He said he took it really well. He's not sure he could take it as well as that guy did.
Gary said that Mariann showed up with a yellow Hazmat suit on because Howard doesn't like touching the mail. Howard said she's a very nice woman but she has a life that she should be in. He said she put together this whole thing for him and he missed it. Howard said if he had seen it maybe it would have been worth it for her to show up.
Howard said he had Mariann in there so he was going to let her come in. He said she's very giving but she's also very loud. He said he was done as soon as she came in screaming. Howard told her to listen to him and told her he didn't even see her this morning. He said he's not upset with her or anything, he didn't see her.
Mariann said that she can't do enough for Howard compared to what he's done for her. Howard said that Mariann will help people out like High Pitch Eric. He thought she had Eric over for Thanksgiving. She said she did that once for the TV show but that was it. She won't have him over with her kids.
Howard said that Mariann is trying to help Eric get a job. She said that she is but she's not letting him live with her or anything. She helped him take a test to get a government job. That's all she's done.
Howard said Mariann seems to spend a lot of time with the show. She said she does but only when she's done with the family stuff. She said it's not that crazy.
Mariann said that her husband isn't into this stuff. She said that they're the opposite when it comes to this stuff.
Mariann said that she thought of this book for Howard and she wanted to give it to him. She said that it's a book called ''What Howard Means To Me'' and each fan wrote to her and she put that together herself with Doc Ivan making the cover. Howard said that was very nice. He thanked her for that and let her go after that. He said it was very sweet of her to do that. He said he loves reading about himself. Mariann said that she's still taking mail at her PO Box.
Howard had Artie audio clips on the phone to talk to Mariann. They were playing clips of Artie calling her a cunt over and over again. Mariann just talked over the clips. She said that she hopes Artie gets better. She said they're all praying for him. Howard let Mariann go after that.
Yucko the Clown called in to yell at Mariann but she was already gone. He said he was glad and asked Howard to throw her out a window if he can't hang up on her. Yucko said ''Happy birthday faggot...'' when Howard let him go.
That led to Howard talking about an email he got about the cat he got. He said the guy called him a faggot in that email. Howard said that he did get some nice email about the cat too though.
Howard said Simon has even said he might bring Paula Abdul over to the new show. He said that if someone said to him to do the same show every day he never would have thought about doing that. He said that Simon is working this thing into an empire. Howard said he did shows like this when he was starting out in radio. He said this was back in 1980 in Detroit. He said that if someone had told him he could turn it into a TV show he never would have believed it would work. He said Simon is a judge and he's got a franchise now. He finds that hard to believe.
Howard said he's sorry he didn't turn his radio show into a TV show like that. He could have sat there and judged like Cowell does. Howard said he'd be the right choice for judging like Simon does. He said he wouldn't care what they'd offer him, he wouldn't take it from the people at Idol. Howard said Simon had that job first and he wouldn't take it.
Howard said he would think about going to his own show. Robin said there are other openings like David Hasselhoff's on ''America's Got Talent.'' Howard said there are more openings than she even knows. Howard talked about Hasselhoff leaving that show and how it's a miracle he even had that job. Howard goofed on him about that for a short time.
Howard said Simon Cowell is making big money doing what he does. He said that he's surprised that there aren't more mean judges out there like Simon. He said it must be difficult to get on those shows and tell people how much they suck. He didn't think it was that hard but it must be harder than he thought.
Robin said that she had a hard time telling a chef his food sucked. She said it's not easy to do something like that. Howard said that's not the same thing. He said telling someone the truth isn't easy and they don't want to hear it. He said when you're doing a TV show that's different. He said there's nothing in it for you when you tell someone like a chef that his food sucked. Robin said she had this butternut squash rizotto and it was too salty for her. She said that she did tell the guy that it wasn't good but it wasn't easy.
Howard said if he got paid millions to do what Simon does then he'd be motivated enough to tell people the suck. He said he'd do the job.
Howard and Ellen talked about how their mother was very critical of Ellen. Howard said she was always complaining about her hair and other things that Ellen would do. He said that he used to go to his sister and tell her that he could control their parents. He said that he wanted a Great Garloo robot and he was able to get them to give him one. Ellen said that she was amazed by what Howard would do to influence them. Robin said he's continued to do that in his professional life. She said that Howard would nudge and nudge until management gave in. Ellen said he would have been the best lawyer in the world if he had gone into that field like their father wanted him to.
Howard said he and Ellen stayed out of each other's way most of their lives. He said that they would get on each other's nerves once in a while but they didn't have that usual sibling rivalry. Howard said Ellen has huge breasts too. He said she's a full C and they're natural. He said he's proud of that.
Howard said the guys in high school must have loved her boobs. Ellen said she's very proud. She wished him a Happy Birthday trying to get off of that subject. Howard said he sued to see those boobs when she'd come down wearing a robe. He said that he couldn't avoid seeing them. He said he wants her remeasured because she might be larger than a C. He said she might be a D.
Howard talked about his niece getting him some great gifts. Howard said he wanted to know if Ellen was a virgin when she got married. Howard said she won't tell him that and he doesn't get that. He said he admits he wasn't a virgin when he got married. Robin said that was very obvious. Howard said that his mother thinks that she was a virgin. He said that Ellen went to Puerto Rico for her honeymoon and his mother told him that Ellen needed to get to know her man and he didn't need to ''get to know'' his wife. Howard said he thinks that his mom thinks Ellen was a virgin.
Ellen said that her mom used to ask her if certain guys were circumcised and things. She said that they were very interested in that stuff.
Howard wondered why Ellen couldn't talk about sex with their parents. Howard said that they were very loose about sex with him but not with Ellen. Ellen said it's different standards with the boys and girls.
Howard said he wants to know the truth but Ellen said that he'll never know. Howard said that his sister dated a Puerto Rican guy in high school and their parents freaked out over it. Ellen said it was hard back then because they only wanted Jewish boys. Ellen said she was never attracted to Jewish boys back then. She said she dated anyone but Jewish boys. Howard asked if that's why she went to Puerto Rico. She said that the guy she knew in high school was gorgeous. Howard said their mom had a fit over that. Ellen said she was always giving them a heart attack over that. Ellen said Howard was always with Jewish girls. Howard said he would take what he could get.
Howard asked about the Puerto Rican guy and if she did anything but kiss. She said she didn't remember. Howard said that guy probably had a hose like a fire truck. Ellen just laughed.
Howard said his mom is more enlightened and it wouldn't matter. He said that she wouldn't care now. Howard said his mom loves his wife and she's not Jewish. Howard said Beth didn't get any shit for not being Jewish. Howard said he used to sleep in the same room with those non-Jew guys that his sister would bring home. He said he was different than his sister. He said he couldn't deal with what was going on. He said his sister wouldn't talk to their parents. He said she would just stay quiet and that's what he should have done.
Howard said he and his sister had smoking in common when they were younger. Ellen said that their parents didn't know that she smoked cigarettes so they're going to hear this and find out this morning. Howard said he's happy for Ellen finding a non-Jew that she fell in love with. Howard said the guy is a great guy and a fucking saint. Ellen said he's a good guy. Howard said this guy, Pete, is the nicest guy. He said that he takes care of them so well.
Ellen asked what Howard is doing tonight. Howard said he's going out with Beth. Ellen asked if they're doing anything big. Howard said it's going to be low key.
Ellen asked how the cat is doing. Howard said the cat is great but it needs some help. He said that it's a hard luck case and Beth is working with the cat. He said that she's like Florence Nightingale. He said he caught her breast feeding it. He was just kidding about that but he said he told her she should. Howard said Ellen used to breast feed her kids. He said he got to see her boobs then too. Howard said she might have wanted to do that in another room. Ellen said she did that for 9 months and suffered through the cracked nipples.
Ellen told Howard she loves him and got off the phone. Howard said his sister loves him. Robin said they hadn't spoken to her in a long time. Howard said she's very busy taking care of the family.
Robin was hearing some music so she asked Howard if he heard it. Howard didn't hear it. Robin said it was an alarm out in the other room. It was coming from her phone. She said it was going off and she wasn't even sure why. It may have been from vacation.
Howard said he had to take a break. He and Robin talked a little bit about Ashley Dupre for a few minutes before going to commercial. They had a lot to talk to Ashley about. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Letterman was on last night and he was kind of bashing jay Leno. He said that he never talks about Jay but last night he did. Howard said it's like it's open season all of a sudden. Howard said it's not even particularly funny. He said he likes that though. Howard said he wants to hear how Dave is feeling.
Howard played the clip where Dave called Leno ''Jay, big jaw, Leno.'' Howard said he likes that. Dave went on to say that Jay was having trouble staying up late so he left the Tonight Show so he could be on at 10pm. Howard said Dave must have been trying to be funny there. Dave said that Conan O'Brien took over the Tonight Show and now NBC says that's not what they want and they're mixing things up. Dave said that Jay likes to tell jokes at 11:30 and he likes to work on old trucks. Dave was even doing a Leno impression as he was talking about Jay.
Howard said Paul Shaffer was repeating everything Dave was saying. He must have Tourette's or something. Dave kept going with the impression and had Jay asking Mavis to go get him some air filters and oil.
Howard said Dave is all fired up over this whole thing. Howard said he's the only guest who would go on there and stick up for Dave. He said now all hell is breaking loose. Howard said maybe Dave is upset that Jay is returning to 11:30. He said Dave had ratings without Jay there. Howard said he can hear Jay goofing on Dave about fucking other broads. He and Robin did their Leno impressions of him talking about Dave.
Howard said things are going to get ugly if this keeps up. Robin said this is exciting. Howard kept doing his Leno impression and said that he's not sure what's going on there. Everyone is getting balls all of a sudden. Robin said they're passionate about this stuff all of a sudden.
Howard said that Mark McGwire has finally admitted he took steroids. He said that Mark was saying he did it for health reasons. He was crying talking about it the interview he did. Howard said he's not even sure what show it was from. He was going to play it but he had William Shatner there. Howard
Lisa said that they spoke to Noel Biderman about AshleyMadison.com sponsoring the Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant as well. They'll have more on that later today.
Howard had Eric the Midget on the phone and told him he wanted to talk to him later in the show. Eric talked about the Weird Al Yankovic thing for a minute. He said that he thought he'd be a good guest on the show instead of Paula. Howard said that he never thought of that but it might be mad genius. Howard asked Eric if he thinks that Simon leaving the show will ruin it. Eric said he wasn't sure about that. Howard said he doesn't need to speak to him later since he got that out of the way. Howard let Eric go and went to break.
Howard wondered if Bill went to see the new Star Trek movie last year. Howard said that he may have gone to see it but won't admit it. Howard said that Bill had something for him. Shatner came in with a birthday bagel for him.
Howard asked bill if he was Jewish. Bill said he was. Howard was going to make a wish with the candle so Robin told him to wish that Bill would talk to George Takei.
Shatner asked Howard if he ever spoke to Weird Al. Howard said he has. Bill said he got a great interview with Al. He's doing a talk show now.
Howard asked Bill about George Takei and the problems they have. Howard wanted to get George on the phone and talk to him there. Bill wanted to save that for his own show. Howard said Bill has said that George has a problem with him and he doesn't know why. Howard said there are several of the Star Trek staff who have problems with Bill. Howard said Nichelle has a problem, George has a problem and the guy who played Scotty had a problem.
Howard said he wants to get George on the phone and set up a meeting for them. Bill said that the problem is that if they do that they will have a problem because they'll just do the interview there. Howard said he was going to set George up with Bill so they can do the interview on ''Raw Nerve.'' Howard said he wants to be the interviewer on the show and he wants to talk to the two of them about their problems on that show. Bill said that's perfect but he doesn't want to talk to George now.
Howard said he has George on the phone now and he wants to save the good stuff for ''Raw Nerve.'' Howard picked up on George and told him he had Bill there with him. Bill said that a guy over 70 can't be up at 4:30 in the morning and make sense. George said he's actually in New York now. He said he lives there sometimes. He said that they live in both places. George said they just got back from London over the weekend. He was playing the Emperor of China in a play over there.
Howard asked George about his anger for Bill. George said that they invited Bill to their wedding and Bill went on a rant saying he wasn't invited. George said that he is more than happy to speak to Bill but not on his own show. He said that he doesn't want Bill to have control over the whole thing unless Howard is there.
Howard said that both of them are dear friends of his. He said that he loves both George and Bill. George said he's not sure why Bill goes off on these wild tangents and rips him apart. Howard said he knows that George is passionate about this and he wants to know if he would speak to George in a serious way on his show and put it behind him. Bill said that he can't put it behind him because he'd be afraid of that. Bill said he will be himself and he will give up control of the show to do this interview.
George asked Bill about not getting invited to the wedding and why he didn't phone them and ask them about being invited. George said they would have sent him another invitation. George asked why he made it a public rant. Bill said that's a question they must examine on ''Raw Nerve'' which airs Tuesday nights on the Biography channel.
Howard said he wants to know if Bill has a desire to know why people didn't get along with him on Star Trek. George said that all of his colleagues have said they had a problem with Bill. Bill said he didn't think that was the case. George said that as far as he knows most of them did have an issue with Bill. Howard asked if they will do this in a serious manner. Bill said he will do it and he will play his violin.
Howard said he wants it to be handled in a way that they can work things out in an understanding way. Bill said for the last many years George has expressed dissatisfaction with him. Bill said he's remained dignified in a silent way. He said that he might be below it all and not above it. Bill said that he's not better or worse than George.
Bill said that they are at the age that they don't have the time to figure this all out. Bill said he's ready to work through this all. Howard asked if he's really going to do this and not just blow him off. Bill said he's willing to do it. Bill said that he'll tape it when they can all get together. Howard said he would be the host on the show. Bill said Howard can wear whatever he wants to.
George said he could come down right now if he wanted. Howard said they're going to do it on Raw Nerve with Bill. Howard will be the mediator. George said he would be happy to appear on that. Bill said that he'd even do it there in New York. Howard said he will only do it in New York. Howard said that they're all a pain in the ass so he's not going out of his way to do this.
Howard said they should do it in a boxing ring just in case. George said he'd be up for that. He said he's pretty sure he'd be able to beat him. Howard said that this sounds like a deal. He said it's an unprecedented deal.
Howard asked George about the kind of people he was attracted to and if he was attracted to Bill. George said he was attracted to different types. Howard asked Bill if he ever found George sexy in any way. Bill just laughed. Howard asked Bill if he knew that George was gay from day one. Bill said he didn't know at all and he didn't know it until George announced it. He swore to god that he didn't know.
Howard asked George if he was shocked by that. George said he was pretty dismissive of everyone. Howard said they're going to need more than a half hour to get into this. Bill said they might need to do a two parter. Bill said that Howard has to be honest in this show too. He said he wants to ask him questions too. Howard said he's just going to mediate and interview the two of them. He doesn't want to do a whole sit down. Bill said he'd like to ask him some questions too.
George said that Howard would be the neutral guy in there. Bill said he can be but he wants to do an interview with Howard too. Bill said that he'd like to do that and he has to agree to it. George said that he's going to use this to divert the whole interview toward Howard. George said the moderator is never the subject in a news program. Bill said that they shouldn't use another show as an example. Bill said that he will address the issues but he wants to be able to ask Howard questions. Howard said he wants it all to be about the two of them.
Howard and George both found Bill's ideas to be ridiculous. Howard said he doesn't want to do an interview. He said he wants to interview George and Bill on Bill's show. Bill asked him to please respect his wishes. Howard said he can't respect his wishes.
Howard played an edited Bill Shatner audio book clip where he was talking about George Takei's butt hole. Bill jokingly said that he said that in a rare moment.
Howard went over the interview thing again and said that he wants the two of them to nude wrestle. Both Bill and George laughed at that. Howard said that Bill is going to get great press out of this and he'll get good ratings too. Howard said it's a one shot deal and he shouldn't let it fall through. Howard thanked George for calling in and George said Howard said he would put this together and he was right.
Howard said he's not going to take sides in this. He said that he will stay neutral. Howard said that they should have Brad and Bill's wife there too. Bill asked who Brad is. Howard said he must know who that is. Bill didn't know who he was but then realized that it was George's husband. Bill said that he didn't know that he was called a husband.
Howard said he wanted to talk to Bill about treating this guy John Edward, the psychic, seriously on his show. Bill said he did that because he had a tragedy in his life. Bill said when you have a tragedy in your life and something terrible happens to you, you seek any avenue you can. Howard said that guy is praying on people who are weak then. Bill said he was so distraught and desirous in communicating he sought any avenue he could. He said he doesn't believe in heaven and hell but in moments of great distress you think there is a possibility. Howard said that he can't believe he went to this guy John Edward.
Bill was trying to explain to Howard why he did what he did. Howard kept interrupting. Bill said he called John Edward's show and they told him to come on the show about 10 years ago. He said he was on his way when the blinding light of ''what am I doing'' hit him and he didn't go. Bill said that he thought for a moment again that it might be an interesting thing to explore.
Bill said that there have been some interesting things that have happened in the history of psychics so he wanted to explore that. He said he doesn't believe in it but there is an aspect of his mind that does believe that it's possible. Bill said that he is reading a book about a guy who had an autistic kid and this guy goes to find a Shamen to help him cure his kid. Bill said that there are people who seek help in a spiritual way and it works for them. He said he's not sure if it's a real thing or psychological but he wants to explore it. Bill said he spoke to John Edward and he was very interesting.
Howard asked Bill if he saw the new Star Trek movie. Bill said he has not seen it. Howard didn't believe it. Bill said he's really not upset that he wasn't in the movie. Howard said he has to be upset about it. Bill said that he's really not. Howard said Leonard Nimoy was in the movie so he must have wanted to be in it. Bill said that he would love to be in the next one. Howard said that they did a great job with the movie and the kid who played him was great too.
Bill said that JJ Abrams told him he was going to have a screening of the movie and he wanted to do that. He said that never happened. He said he may do that now. He said he may take JJ up on the offer to do that. Howard said they left the plot open so that they could get him in the movie. Bill said he would like that.
Howard said he gets why Bill doesn't want to see the movie. He doesn't want to help them promote something that he wasn't part of. Howard said maybe it shouldn't matter to Bill. Bill said he has 3 shows going on right now and he is very busy. He said that he's won awards for his horseback riding and things like that. Howard said he had no idea he was doing that. Bill said he won an award on Saturday night in Las Vegas for that.
Howard said Bill had Regis Philbin on his show, ''Raw Nerve,'' and Regis asked for a segment to be edited out of the show. Bill wondered how Howard knew that. Howard said he has his ways. Howard asked what it was that Regis asked to be edited out. Bill said that there is an affection he has for Regis and he respects him for his career and life and he wanted to respect his wishes to have that part taken out. He opened up over something that was very personal. He said that Regis thought he went too far and he asked them not to use it. Bill said they edited the show and let him see it before they released it. Bill said that it was a precious side of Regis and they ended up cutting it out when Regis asked them not to.
Howard asked Bill if Regis committed a crime and raped someone or something. Bill said he was a vulnerable person in that show and he didn't want that to be seen. Howard asked Bill if it was about fucking Kathie Lee. He told Bill to wink if he was right. Bill winked and said ''anything for ratings...''
Howard said that he's not going to sit close to Bill when he does his show. Howard said he likes that they don't air his show when people ask him not to. Howard said he had the story from Regis' audio book. He had edited clips of Regis talking about Kathie Lee stroking a dog cock.
Howard read about Bill's interviews on ''Raw Nerve'' and about living up in Canada. Howard said he can't wait to do this show with Bill and George. He said George really has it in for him. Howard said he had better be real on this show. Bill said the name of the show is ''Raw Nerve'' so he will be real.
Howard asked Bill about what's going on with Conan O'Brien and Jay Leno since he's been on Conan's show recently. Bill said he can't believe what they're doing. Howard asked Bill if he met Sarah Palin on Conan's show and if he thinks she's a moron. Bill said she's very attractive. Bill told Howard that his date looks like Palin and she has been mistaken for her.
Howard asked Bill if Palin said anything to him. Bill said that she told him he was funny. She did know who he was too. Howard said he's been reading about her lately and they say she's like a moron. Howard said they say that she has to be prepped for speeches and stuff when she was out on the road. Howard asked what Bill thinks of her. Bill said that she wasn't dopey. Howard let him off the hook and said that he doesn't think that he's an admirer of Palin's. Bill said that she shouldn't be President of the United States at this time. Howard said she probably thinks that he was really in outer space. Bill said ''She's just different.''
Howard asked Bill about liking Rush Limbaugh. bill said he's a good broadcaster. Howard asked who is better, him or Rush. Bill told Howard that he is the best of course. Howard gave him some plugs for his show ''Raw Nerve'' and for ''Aftermath'' and ''Weird or What'' which are a couple of his other shows. Howard said Bill was on a prime time drama too. Bill said he just had dinner with James Spader the other night. He was on that show with him.
Robin said that there doesn't seem to be anyone else who is against Bill when they work with him. They never hear from Adrian Zmed or anyone else.
Howard took a call from a guy who said there's a rumor that Bill only has one testicle. Bill said that's not true. He said there's nothing wrong with that but he has both balls. Howard wondered how that kind of rumor gets started.
Another caller said that he was listening to George Takei speak earlier and Bill really doesn't care about doing this and he's only doing it to get Howard in the interview. Howard said he thinks they'll work trough it and it'll be fine. Howard said it should be good when they do it. Robin asked what's going to happen if he breaks down and cries himself. Howard said he might. He gave Bill some more plugs for ''Raw Nerve'' and his other stuff. Raw Nerve is on Tuesday nights on the Biography channel.
Ralph called in and said that this was great news about Bill and George. He asked if they will wear Star Fleet uniforms. Howard said he will. He asked Bill if he will wear one. Bill said he won't, he'll be wearing a suit. Bill said his Admiral's outfit doesn't fit anymore. Bill said his body has changed and so has his mind. Howard said Bill would have camel toe but he wouldn't mind. Howard said he will appear in full Star Trek outfit. Bill said they can't mock this whole thing and that would be mocking it.
Howard said he will be doing this interview so Ralph can look forward to that. He said it was now time to go to work. Bill is going to be on the Opie and Anthony show and on Rachel Ray. He said he's heading to Kentucky to ride some more horses after that.
Bill asked Howard how old he is. Howard said he's 56. Bill told him maybe it's time to cut his hair. He said he might be trying to be something he's not. Howard told him to look at his face and see why he has to cover his face. Bill said this is what he's going to interview him about. Howard said that he's not doing an interview. He's conducting the interview. Bill said ''No!'' he said he's there to mediate and that doesn't mean he can't ask him questions.
Bill asked Howard if he loves him or George. Howard said he can't say that he loves Bill or George. He had to say he loves both. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that was another song from a past birthday show. Howard said he remembers that day and how they had Richie Sambora, Phoebe Snow and a lot of other people. Gary said it was most of the guys who ended up being Conan O'Brien's band.
Howard said they're supposed to be interviewing Ashley Dupre but she wasn't there yet. Gary said that she just emailed him and said she'll be there shortly. She didn't have hot water so she was running late.
Gary brought in a cake for Howard that came from Beth. Gary said Beth sent it up but didn't say where it came from. Howard said they had the big Howard 100 logo on it and it was very nice. Howard thanked Beth for that. Gary asked what he should do with it. Howard said he should feed the fans with it.
Howard said he has a million questions for Ashley Dupre. He said she made love to their former governor. He said that job has to be really tough. He wondered what she has to do to get into the mood. Robin said it's tough. She has had to try and do that with guys and she just lays there. Howard asked Robin if she was talking about Jim Florentine. Robin told him not to be ridiculous
Howard asked who has it tougher, Sal's wife or a hooker. Robin said that the wife might have it tougher if she can't get away from the guy.
Howard brought up that Letterman clip he played earlier and wondered if that's because he has to go up against Jay again. Robin said that he should just be booted from TV if he failed in Prime Time. Howard said everyone is making fun of the situation. Jay and Conan are even commenting on it. Howard said that NBC made their own problem when they made this move with Jay and Conan.
Howard replayed the Letterman clip where Dave was talking about ''Jay, big jaw, Leno'' and making fun of him doing his impression of Jay ordering oil and air filters with his wife Mavis.
Howard wondered what's going on there with Dave. Robin said that if he was doing this all along then maybe he would have beaten Jay in the ratings if he had done this while he was competing with him.
Howard said he heard from a friend that Conan used to beat Craig Ferguson in the ratings except for about 2 weeks of the year. He said he didn't know that.
Howard played a clip of Jay Leno talking about being ''fired'' again and how that's like a repeat of what happened last year at this time. Jay said that everyone is upset but NBC said they wanted drama at 10 and now they have it. Jay said that he's leaving NBC prime time the same way he found it, in a complete disaster.
Howard played some of Conan's monologue about the changes that NBC has in store. Conan talked about an earthquake in California being so powerful it knocked Jay Leno's show from 10 o'clock to 11:35. Conan did a Leno impression too. Conan said that NBC expects to lose money on the Olympics and he finds that story hilarious. Robin said that they're funnier than they've ever been now that they have something real to talk about.
Howard said he thinks that Conan will do an interview with Rolling Stone or something instead of having him on to interview him. He said he could go on that show and ask Conan what's really going on. Howard said that would be huge. He said this shouldn't come as a surprise to Conan that he's being moved. He said that his show tanked. He said they're going to put Jay back on at 11:30 and they want Conan to quit.
Howard said they're going to take the Tonight Show away from Conan no matter what. He said his ratings weren't good and he's gone. Howard said that you're only great when you have ratings. Robin said that he has this experience of being given time. Howard said it doesn't work that way at all hours.
Jon Hein came in and told Howard about Conan's ratings. Howard said that Letterman's ratings aren't that high but Conan lost like 2 million viewers. Jon said that the numbers aren't where they used to be for NBC. He said Dave's ratings are up a little bit.
Howard said when you have a strong late night line up you have carry over to the next morning. Howard said they can even lose ratings with the morning shows. Howard said the local news stations were losing revenue because of Jay's show and then that led into Conan's show. Robin asked if the Today Show felt the effect. Howard said they didn't because they're still number one. He said it does start to erode though.
Jon said they say that Conan's contract guarantees that he'll be the host of the Tonight Show but they don't say what time period it has to be in. Howard said they can get around it even if they did have the time in the contract. Howard said that they could put him on at 3 in the morning and say he's still on The Tonight Show. Howard said they can take it to court but they'd be tied up arguing for years.
Howard asked Ashley about her breast implants. She said she did that when she was like 18 and got them too big. She got them redone and now she's a C instead of a B. Howard told her to lose the jacket she had on. She did that for Howard.
Howard asked Ashley about her family giving her shit when the whole Elliot Spitzer thing broke. She said that everyone was upset with her. She said no one knew what she was doing. She said she kind of rebelled in high school too. Howard asked if she would let her teacher see her panties in school. She said that they kind of pushed the boundaries but didn't go that far. She said that she was a cheerleader. Howard said she must have known she had the power over men even back then. She said she really didn't.
Howard asked when she started having sex. She said she was 15. Ashley said they all experimented back then. She said she thinks that 15 might be too young but parents have to teach their kids about this stuff early so they know what to expect.
Howard said this guy Jason Itzler claims he found Ashley and got her into the business. He said he was on the show and told them about how he got her started. Ashley said she was working about three jobs and dating but she was promiscuous. She said that she would go out and drink at the bars in New York and she would meet guys. Howard said he never got to experience that kind of thing. She told Howard that Jason gave her his card and she put it away for a rainy day and that rainy day came.
Howard said Jason claimed Ashley had the nicest looking vagina he's ever seen. Ashley said he never saw it so she's not sure how he would know. Howard said he had a story about how he saw it.
Howard asked Ashley if she ever had a lesbian experience. She said she has. Ashley told Howard about how this one guy had her as a mistress and when his wife found out he had to end it. She said that she relied on him financially. She said she had to go back to escorting. Ashley said she had to pay for this life of her's and she said she figured she'd go find a new place to live. Ashley said she went back to work for a month and a half and that's when the whole Spitzer thing happened.
Howard asked Ashley about the kind of money she was getting. She said she can't talk about what she was making. She said that she had taken 11 months off from doing that escorting thing and she didn't want to get back into it. Howard said Spitzer isn't the best looking guy but he wondered about how she can pretend to like guys like that. Howard asked about him wearing his socks during sex. She said she's not sure where that came from. She said she wasn't sure if it was true or not. Ashley said she's going to save some of that for her book.
Howard asked how she gets turned on to guys that she's not attracted to. She said she thinks of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. She said she really just has to disconnect from the whole thing. Howard asked how she works it up for them though. Ashley said that she will leave if she's not attracted to the guys. Howard said that she can't be attracted to all of the guys. She said you just think of how you have to pay your bills. She said that can help.
Howard asked Ashley about how many guys a week she was doing to make a living. She didn't want to talk about that. Howard asked if she was pressured to do more guys. She said it was never like that. She could do whatever she wanted to do.
Howard asked if she was worried about STDs. She said that she was very naive when she was young and she had run away from home at 17. She said that things were bad at home. She said she just jumped out of her window one night and left. She stayed with some friends in Point Pleasant, New Jersey. She said that she started working when she was 15 and her parents emptied her bank account.
Howard asked Ashley if she was ever raped. She said that she was at one point. She said that it was kind of date rape. She was on drugs and put herself in a situation that she shouldn't have. That was also when she was 17. She said she was doing cocaine and ecstasy. She said she tried to push the guy off of her but he didn't.
Ashley talked about going to this house that she stayed at an then she got raped there and left that place. She went to Miami and ended up in the Girls Gone Wild videos. She said she met Joe Francis while she was doing that. She said she was underage at the time. She said that Joe knew she was underage at the time and threatened to release the video of her. She said she didn't think it was fair.
Howard asked why she won't pose for Playboy. She said that she didn't think it was the amount that Howard thought it was. She said it was also Hustler. She said she didn't want to objectify herself anymore. She said she had to move home with her family for a year and that wasn't good. Ashley said it wasn't a walk in the park.
Ashley said she moved home for a year and her step-father was really upset with her. She said that he deals with his emotions from a distance and that's what he was doing. Howard asked if he had said he wanted to help her out even though she had screwed up, would that have helped. She said that would have been great. She said that she would fall in love with someone who is there for her no matter what. Ashley said that she wants her step-dad to be there for her but it's a really weird situation now.
Howard asked if anyone hugged her and said that they loved her. She said that her mom did and her brother did too. He just got out of rehab.
Howard asked Ashley if she would dress up for her clients. She said she never had that kind of stuff. Howard asked if she kisses. She said she did that. Howard said he thought it was part of the profession to not kiss. She said there might be different stages. Howard said for $4500 she's going to kiss him.
Howard asked Ashley about the kind of guys she was dating and if she ever fell in love with any of them. She said she never did. She said she had regulars who she saw but she didn't fall in love.
Howard said Ashley must have been great in bed. He pictures her as being fantastic. She said her skills may have diminished over the past two years. Howard asked if there were ever any complaints or if anyone demanded their money back. She said ''Never.'' Howard asked if she was rated very high on the web sites she was on. She said she was.
Howard asked Ashley if she told any of her friends about what she was up to. She said no one knew and everyone was shocked by it. She said that everyone knew when the news broke. Howard asked if she called her mom or did her mom call her. She said that her mom called and that's when she knew who he was. She didn't know he was the governor until that happened. Ashley knew that her dreams were going to be shattered after that. Ashley said that she has to try and change that image now that it all came out.
Howard asked if Spitzer has asked her out again since then. She joked that he asked her out to coffee the other day but she said she was kidding.
Howard asked Ashley if anything is off limits when a guy asks her for what he can do to her. She said she was never really in that situation. Howard asked if she had mace on her or what. She said she was very naive and she didn't think about that kind of stuff. She said that all of those things played in her head when she got back into it after taking a year off. Ashley said that all of that went through her head and she had grown up in that year.
Howard asked Ashley if she remembers the first guy she ever did. She said she didn't remember his face. Howard said she must be blocking it out. She said she blocks a lot of stuff out.
Howard asked what she would wear when she'd go to a job. She said she was just wearing whatever she wore in her regular life.
Howard asked Ashley if guys would just talk to her. She said that they would do that for hours at times. Howard said that must have been torture. She said that there were actually guys who just anted to talk and not have sex. Howard asked if she would prefer that or get fucked. She said she likes both actually. Howard said he figured that she'd prefer to just get the hell out after getting fucked.
Howard said it seems like this was like an all you can eat buffet. He asked what she does when she's totally dry and she can't get wet for a guy. She said that she uses lube like she would in a regular relationship. Howard asked if she carried that stuff in her purse. She said she didn't remember. Howard asked what kind of lube is the best. She said Astroglide is the best.
Howard asked Ashley if she knows the true nature of men now or could she fall in love. She said she thinks that she could fall in love. She doesn't think that people communicate anymore and that's a problem.
Howard asked Ashley about going on The View and saying that it was kind of hostile. Ashley said she didn't say that. She figured Howard had read some comments on a blog or something. Howard said that's always bad. He said he read some comments about himself in an article about Jennifer Aniston and they were all about how ugly he is. Ashley said those people can be so mean. She said they're no better than her and they comment on them like they are.
Ashley told Howard that she thinks she may have turned a friend on to Lesbian stuff. She said that they were drinking and they got it on. She said she's only told like one or two other people that story. Ashley said she licked the other girl and she liked it. Howard asked if the other girl told her she had the nicest vagina. Ashley said she didn't do that. She said she thinks she turned that other girl bi-sexual because she did more of that after that.
Howard asked Ashley if she has dated any famous guys. She said she has dated some but not for work. Howard asked how she knows Tiger Woods mistress Rachel. She said she knew her from going to parties out in The Hamptons. She said she hung out with her but that was about it. Howard said he heard she's really sexy. Ashley said that she is very hot. Howard asked if she knew she was with Tiger. She said she didn't know anything so that was a shock to her.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were playing Joe Frazier audio clips. They had him asking her unintelligible questions. Howard asked Ashley if that's her real name. She said that her last name was Youmans but she changed that.
Howard gave Ashley some plugs for her column that appears in the NY Post on Sundays. She said that she doesn't make much doing that. She said she's wanted to do that since everything happened so she does it cheap.
Howard said that they had smoking hot pictures of her in the paper and she should do Playboy if they're offering her good money. She said she's not going to do spread eagle stuff. Howard told her to just do it. Howard said he'd stick a salami in his ass if they offered him $2 million. Ashley said she wants to focus on her music. Robin said that wouldn't be interfered with.
Ashley said that she spoke to Donald Trump because he wanted her on Celebrity Apprentice. She said maybe next season.
Gary said they have a guy on the staff who is obsessed with this girl. He said it was JD and he was out staring at the monitor in his office. Howard had JD come in to talk to her. Ashley turned to JD and said hi to him. JD asked how she was. JD said he was very well. Ashley spoke to him for a short time but JD didn't have much to say. He told her she was doing just fine. Howard told him to ask her out. JD said he didn't know what type of guys she was into but he would take her out on a date or something or ''I don't know...'' Howard said she just ran out into Governor Spitzer's arms. Ashley said she would go out for a hot chocolate or something. JD said that's fine.
Ashley said her uncle's friend at work wants an autograph from Howard. She said he was diagnosed with cancer so she wants to help him out. JD said that Ashley has sexy eyes. Robin laughed when she heard that. JD said her eyes are brown but it was just a guess.
Howard told JD to ask her if she likes PlayStation. JD asked if she likes Stanley Kubrick movies. She didn't know of any so she wasn't sure. JD said he'd love to take her to a showing one day after hot chocolate. He said maybe they can go see Avatar in 3D. Howard told him to tell her about Fantasy Football. She said she saw that Ashton Kutcher is into that.
Howard asked Ashley if she would have a whole cup of hot chocolate with JD or run out after a few sips. She seemed like she was really into going out for the hot chocolate.
Howard told Fred to play the techno music that JD is into and told Ashley to dance with him. Howard said JD has some good moves. Ashley asked if he has been watching Jersey Shore. JD said he hates that show. Ashley agreed.
Howard asked Ashley if she's fully shaved. She said she is and couldn't believe she just answered that question. Howard asked if guys demand that. Ashley said they don't demand it.
Howard talked to Ashley about what kind of things guys talk to her about. She said they talk about their family lives and things like that. Guys are looking to just have sex with her because they have families at home and the wives may not have the time to do that kind of stuff.
Vinnie Favale (HereAfterMusical.com) called in and said that he had met Ashley on the bus one morning on the way into the city. Ashley said people were taking pictures and she had to ask them not to do that. Gary said Vinnie sent him a note and said that he used to sit next to her fantasizing that she'd fall asleep and put her head on his shoulder.
Howard said it must have been tough taking the bus every morning like that. Ashley said that there are people who take the bus in every morning and they're established. Like Vinnie. Vinnie said that Ashley's mom is really hot too. He said she was wearing tights one morning and for three weeks she was on the bus every morning. Howard asked why she was going into the city like that. She said she had meetings to go to. She said she met a really nice woman on the bus and she's still friends with her. Vinnie said that could have been him.
Sal called in as a caller and asked if she does ass to mouth and stuff like that. Ashley said she thought that was a regular thing. Howard said they were going to end on that note. He gave her some more plugs and Ashley said you can hear her music on Myspace.
Howard said he's not sure why she was afraid to come on the show. She said she knows Howard doesn't have any boundaries so she was afraid of what they would talk about. Howard asked if she thinks she'd still be working if the Spitzer thing didn't happen. She said that she wasn't sure. She said that she's learned a lot about herself over the past 2 years and this is just her journey. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and took a call from his father, Ben, who wished him a Happy Birthday. Ben talked to Howard about his new cat Apple. Howard said his dad isn't thrilled with the animals they have. Howard asked why he pushes his dog away. Ben said that the dog is always on his foot. Howard said the dog wants to be pet.
Howard thanked his dad for calling in and asked him to reminisce about the day he was born. Ben said he wasn't in the room with his mother that day but it was a thrilling day when he found out he was born. Howard asked when he got disappointed with him. Ben said it may have been around the age of 53 when he first got disappointed with him. He was just joking around though.
Howard asked Ben how he feels about the Jay Leno thing. Ben said he can't get too excited over that when there's so much going on in this world. He said we have economic problems and they're spending time on this nonsense. Howard asked if he's upset that Obama sent more people into the Afghanistan war. Ben said we got into a mess and he's not sure why we're in Iraq but we can't undo what's been done. Howard said he thinks it's a losing situation. Ben said that Russia wasn't able to get anywhere in Afghanistan. He said that it's barely a country and they have little pieces all over the place. Ben said they need to have some kind of peace there.
Howard asked Ben about Tiger Woods. Ben said Tiger has a problem, who cares? He said they're making a whole thing about it but it's a personal thing. He had the world by the nuts and he threw it away. He said he could still play golf. Howard said he's in hiding right now though so he can't even do that.
Ben also talked about Mark McGwire's steroid use for a minute. Howard asked Ben about his favorite Seinfeld episodes. Ben said that there are little nuances about that show that he loves. Howard said his dad loves that show and he could tell you about every episode.
Ben is also into Jeopardy. Howard asked Ben if he saw Robin on Jeopardy. Robin didn't want to get into that. Ben said that he's seen guys who have won over $100,000 four times in a row but then they lose because the categories are just not their thing. Howard asked what the question was that Robin got wrong that got her down to one dollar. Robin didn't remember the wording but it was about Frank Capra and corn and she answered ''Pon'' as in ''corn pon.''
Howard told his dad that he had Ellen on the show earlier. He asked if he heard that. Ben said he didn't. Howard said he thought that they thought she was a virgin when she got married. Ben said he didn't believe that. He said he was going to put his mother on the phone next.
Ray got on the phone and wished Howard a happy birthday. Howard said he was going to call her later since it was a celebration for both of them since it's a celebration of him coming out of her vagina. Howard said he remembers that like it was yesterday. He said the hardest part was parting the hairs on the way out.
Howard said he was asking his dad when they last had sex. Ray said they have sex all the time. Howard asked if they still use rubbers. ray asked if he wants her to get pregnant. Howard said that his mom has only made love to one man in her life. He asked if she ever kissed another man. Ray said she has kissed her father and Howard. Howard asked if she dated anyone else. She went on a date with another guy but her father had set up the date so she didn't kiss that one. Howard asked if she ever had any fantasies. She said Howard's father is the man for her. She said she picked good.
Howard said he feels his mother missed out on something in her sex life. He said he's going to get her a vibrator for her birthday or something. Howard said Robin uses one. Ray said she wouldn't even know what one looks like. Robin said Howard bought her one for her birthday one year. Howard asked Robin why she uses one. Robin said that she doesn't want to talk about that. Howard said that a woman can have an orgasm with one. Ray said there are other ways to have one. Howard said that it's a powerful orgasm if you use one. Howard said Robin has used meats and vegetables to have an orgasm. Ray asked Howard how he's going to celebrate his birthday. Howard said he's going out with Beth and his friends Pat and Deb. He had dinner with Emily last night and Ashley tomorrow.
Howard told his mom that Ellen admitted she dated a Puerto Rican in high school so she soul be punished. Ray said she doesn't remember being upset about that. She said that Ellen has very good taste so he was probably a nice boy. Howard said he feels his mother loves him more than his sister. Ray said that she doesn't love one child more than the other. Howard said she loved being with him. She said she loved being with Ellen too.
Ray told Howard she's very happy with the results of her children. Howard brought up the miscarriage she had and said that they could have been without him if that didn't happen. Ray said they could have ended up with someone even better. Howard let her go a short time later.
Robin said she was very uncomfortable talking about the vibrator and meat and vegetable thing. Howard figured it was when he mentioned parting the hairs on his way out.
Steve said they're going to talk about the Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien show shake up. They're saying that Conan may not get into the late night slot at FOX even if they have him come over there. They may not have the money he's looking for.
Steve said that Tracey Millman is making the news. Steve said that they saw a report about Tracey taking Benjy on and how he wasn't able to battle her on the air.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. He ran down the list of things they were going to be covering today on the show.
Howard said that he had London Lee on the phone to wish him a Happy Birthday. Howard said he used to watch London on the Ed Sullivan show. London said he's still out there doing comedy. Howard spent a minute talking to him about what he's up to these days. Howard asked how old he is. London said he turns the big 70 on February 4th. He said he had to jerk off to get his heart started this morning. Howard wished him luck and tried to get off the phone. London said that Ivy Supersonic got him a great gift and he's going to love it. London said that he'll give Howard a call when he comes to New york sometime. Howard said this is a wonderful birthday today. He said Ivy is terrific and got London Lee to call in. Howard said he would have dropped dead if he had known that he was going to get a call from London Lee some day when he was a kid.
Robin read about this strong man who was hit by a car and killed at the age of 104. She said that Joe Rolino was going across the street and got hit by a car and died a few hours before. The driver was issued a summons for a defective horn.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she wanted to talk about the whole Artie thing. She said she saw the ''Hurt'' video on the web. She said it was amazing. Howard had mentioned it yesterday. The caller said that the guy who threw Artie under the bus yesterday was just gross. Howard said that was Pete from Pittsburgh and he got a lot of negative email about that. Howard read some of that mail where the fans called him a douche and things like that.
The caller asked if Howard had spoken to Artie yet. Howard said he just found out how he can contact him so he hopes to be able to do that this week. He said he wants to let him know that he's worried and thinking about him. He said if he gets him on the phone he's just going to complain about his own life. He figures that will make Artie feel better. Howard said that he's going to complain about his cat and how his day went and that should cheer Artie right up.
Robin got back to her news and read about the last survivor of the Anne Frank protectors has died. She had some details about that.
Robin read about Mark McGwire finally admitting to have taken steroids. They had some audio of him crying while talking about that. Howard went through that and goofed on the guy for crying. Howard said he should be apologizing to all men for crying like that.
Howard wondered if JD had given Ashley his number. JD said he gave her his card. He said he put his cell number on the back of the card. He wasn't sure if they were actually going to go out though. Howard said JD seems to be really happy on the medication. JD said it comes in waves. Howard told him he's way more pleasant than usual. Howard told JD he can get his card back, it's probably in the garbage can out there. He said that would be horrible if that was true.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about New Jersey legislators allowing medical marijuana and that bill should be signed into law before Corzine leaves office. Howard joked that he had to put a bigger garbage can in the green room to hold all of JD's business cards. Howard said he's all for the legalization of marijuana. He said that he doesn't smoke it himself but he's all for it.
Howard said Jason is all happy about the legalized pot thing. Jason came in and said his phone has been buzzing all morning. Will came in and said that Jason has an invitation for a wine and weed party already made up. Jason said that won't be happening until it's actually legal of course.
Robin read about Simon Cowell announcing he was leaving American Idol and bringing The X Factor to the States in the fall of 2011.
Robin read about a sex scandal in Ireland that's going on now. She said that a wife of some religious leader is cheating on him with a young man. Robin said that she started in with him when he was just 19 years old.
Robin read about Sarah Palin getting a job with FOX news. Howard said he likes that and he's going to watch it. He said they gave Governor Huckabee a show too and he liked that. Howard said it's all about good times with the governor.
Robin read a story about a guy who went to the Hustler club and spent $21,000 there but he doesn't remember spending it. Howard said that happens once in a while. These guys just spend money and forget about it. Robin said the guy was there for 90 minutes and didn't remember it even though he only had two alcoholic beverages.
Robin read about this guy Harold Ford Jr. who is running for office there in New York. She said that he comes from a political family down south and he's looking to get a Senate seat.
Robin read a story about Mark Gastineau having a son with Brigitte Nielson and kept it a secret for 20 years. His other daughter didn't know about it for 20 years. Robin read that the daughter had heard rumors but didn't know about it until last April.
Robin read a story about Joe Namath's daughter getting busted for marijuana possession when she was pulled over.
Robin read about Alex Rodriguez and Kate Hudson breaking up while they were on vacation. Howard said he knew that was coming. Robin said Howard had predicted it. Robin said they say A-Rod is cutting a swath through South Beach now and he's bragging about texting Madonna all the time.
Robin said that Derek Jeter might be getting married. The NY Post is saying it should be in November of this year after the Playoff season.
Robin read about Rabbi Shmuley Boteach saying that Oliver Stone is deranged after finding out about his movie about Hitler. Boteach says that Hitler was a monster and Stone should be ashamed of himself over the way he portrayed Hitler.
Robin read about the Super Bowl ads that are running this year and how the cost is going to be down this year compared to last year. Robin said they're charging between 2.5 and 2.8 million per ad this year.
Robin read about a sex robot that a New Jersey company has developed. They say that it engages men in conversation instead of just sex. Howard said that's not what he wants. Robin read about this ''True Companion'' creation that people can talk to and relate to.
Howard said he saw that Kodak is bringing back the Polaroid camera. Howard said they're great fun. Especially when you have naked chicks in a room. Howard said they should bring back the typewriter too.
Robin said that they say that watching too much TV and bring an early death. Robin said they say that they found that people who watch 4 hours or more of TV are more likely to die of heart disease. Howard said it's impossible not to eat in front of the TV set. He said he can see why that would be true.
Robin read a story about a woman who bit off the lower lip of her boyfriend when she kissed him. She also read a story about a woman who set up a power tool to shock her husband when he used it. They ended the show a short time later, right around 11:00am.
Jon asked JD if he thinks that she'd appreciate the effort at least. Gary said she'd be wiping the blood off his brow after he got punched out or something. JD said he'd probably just laugh it all off. He said he thinks that he'd be able to do something.
Gary said that they just took their yearly photograph in the studio and Sal and Richard missed it. JD said that he walked out of the studio and Sal was on his way in and they didn't know what was going on. Jason said that Sal and Richard are going to have the photographer Photoshop them into the picture.
Jason said that he stood right in front of Lisa right before the picture was taken and she's dwarfed in the picture. Gary said he had to work his way up to the front of the picture because he was shoved to the back. He said he wouldn't have been seen in the photo if he didn't do that. Jon said some people take it more seriously than others. He said Howard wants to get out because he's done for the day.
Gary said he told Howard they were going to take the picture and he just wanted to get it over with. He said it was like he was just hearing it for the first time. Gary said they need to take a picture and number it so they all know where to stand.
Fred came in and said he ran in at the last minute but they'll have to look for him. He said it'll be like ''Where's Waldo.'' Fred said Ralph Howard was trying not to be seen in the picture.
Jason said he did block Lisa but now he looks like the Lisa G of the picture standing up front and smiling. He said he did it just to block Lisa though. He wasn't doing it to get into the picture.
Benjy said that it's going to be a forgery because Sal and Richard missed out on the picture and they're going to be Photoshopped into it.
Jon said it was pretty funny when Gary was working his way up to the front. He said they were laughing at him. Jon asked if Lisa G knew that she was blocked in the picture. No one was sure.
Ralph called in and said that they should Photoshop Howard into the picture because they could spend time getting everyone in there. Gary said they go for reality and they don't do that. Jason said he's not sure about that with Sal and Richard being Photoshopped in. Gary said he's not sure that's going to happen. Jason said that it is happening and the P.R. people took them into the studio to have their picture taken.
Teddy said they have a lot of people there who wanted to get into the picture. They didn't email anyone. Gary said he had nothing to do with the whole thing. He said that it was the P.R. Department that took care of it. Jason said he's going to Photoshop Billy West into the picture.
Jon asked the guys about some of the stuff Howard was asking Ashley about falling in love with her clients. Gary said she had a good attitude for that and she was trying to find the good in any of the guys she was with.
Jon said that Jared was there and asked what he wanted to say. Jared said he told Sal and Richard that they were doing the picture and they knew that they were doing it. He said he's not sure why they went back in and worked. Jared said he gave them two warnings that they were doing the picture. He said they even saw the line of people going into the studio.
Gary said he's not sure he cares to ask them why they did that. Gary said they might be looking for attention or something. Benjy said they may have thought they were going to take longer to take the picture or something. Jon told the guys to get down there and explain if they wanted to.
Jon got back to Ashley and asked the guys if they think she's going to continue to avoid talking about what she was up to. Gary said that every day she doesn't tell the story it's worth a little less. Fred said he thinks that she's holding out for something to come up in her career and it may take away from it if she doesn't get it out now.
The guys talked about Ashley and JD too. JD said he likes all sorts of girls and not just girls like this. Fred said it must be more hot an intriguing that she's kind of famous. Gray said that if he does date her, other girls may not want him anymore. JD said that's their problem, whatever.
Jon played a clip from the show where JD was asking Ashley out and fumbling over his words. That's when she agreed to go out for a hot chocolate with him.
Jon asked JD what he thought of himself after hearing that. JD said he sounds like a total asshole. He said he went for it but it was Richard who suggested that he go in there. JD said he took the chance and he'll have to see what happens.
Gary said he's going to write Ashley back and he'll ask her how serious she was about going out with JD. He said they'll just let JD go do his thing. JD said he gave her his card already. JD said he wrote his cell phone number on the back and joked about it being the greatest gift of all.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that JD is going to have trouble dating women his own age because of the way he acts. He said that older women might find it kind of cute though so maybe he should go after Cougars.
Another caller said he thinks that Ashley is an excellent human being for not talking about what she and the governor did. She said that laying on her back for a living isn't a bad thing either. He said that anyone would do that if they couldn't make ends meet. Gary said you can't say that anyone would do it. He said there are plenty of people who wouldn't do it. He said that her not doing Hustler was respectable too. The guys didn't understand why that was.
The guys talked about Vinnie Favale calling in to talk about riding the bus with Ashley. They talked about how creepy some of the stuff was that he was saying. Vinnie would actually try to run into her on the bus by getting there early. Gary said that he never went out of his way to do something like that. He said he never thought about going after a chick like that. Jon said that Vinnie sounded a little creepy to him.
A caller said that he didn't hear the show but he asked if anyone called Ashley a whore. Gary said no. The caller asked why they didn't do that today. Gary said he can't answer for Howard but it's an insulting word and they asked her to come in there and they're not going to do that to a guest. Gary said that Howard isn't going to pass judgment on a guest like that. He said calling her a whore isn't going to accomplish anything. The caller said they were constantly calling her a whore in the past. Gary said they wanted to interview her and no insult her and make her leave. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said Bill doesn't seem to care about the whole George Takei thing and he just lets it roll off of him. They talked about the stuff Bill was doing today and pretending that nothing was wrong. They all said they hope that this Shatner and Takei interview takes place.
Jon asked if they think that Shatner's agenda is getting Howard on the show. Gary said that Howard isn't looking to do it for that. He said that he has wanted Takei on the show for a while now but this might be a big get if Howard does the show. Gary wondered if it'll end up in the tabloids now. The guys think that it might be news. Gary said Ralph would know. He asked Ralph to call in to comment about that.
Fred said he thinks that Shatner wants to set the stage and interview Howard but it's not going to work if he does that. He said that Howard has to be the moderator and ask the questions of the two of them. Benjy said he thinks that Howard would be impartial because he does seem to like both of them.
A caller said he hopes that they do another 5 years after this. He asked if they could see the frustration from Shatner when Howard was refusing to do an interview with him. Gary said he didn't see his face but it was clear that Shatner wanted to do it one way and Howard wanted to do it another way. He said Howard doesn't need to go on that show but he will do it if Shatner doesn't demand that he do an interview.
Jon asked if George will be satisfied after this. Gary said he thinks that Shatner likes to break George's balls and getting a rise out of him at this point. He said when you do it on YouTube it's obvious he just enjoys busting balls.
The caller asked Gary about the Sonos system and if he thinks it's really worth the money. Gary said it is for him. He said he had a system put in every room that he's abandoned because he has this Sonos system now. He said it was definitely worth it to him. The caller wanted to make sure it was worth it before he did buy it.
Ralph called in and said that he can't believe there is a question that this is news. He said it's huge news for the geek world. Gary asked if it'll turn up in regular news programs. Ralph said it might when the interview actually happens. Gary agreed with that. He said that it'll definitely make news.
Ralph said that George is front and center right now and he thinks that it would be big news. He said Shatner is big too. He said he thinks that it will be big news even if it's not in the geek world.
Ralph said Howard has to wear something Star Fleet related on the show. Gary said he should wear Spock ears and show up there. Ralph said Shatner could wear some kind of robe or something.
Another caller said that Shatner's books are written in the same way he speaks and it's really hard to listen to the audio books. He told Gary to avoid it. Gary thanked him for that.
Jon asked Gary what he thought about the discussion they had with Shatner about his interview with John Edward. Gary said he lost him in that discussion. Benjy explained it to Gary as he understood it. Gary said that he gets why someone would get to the point where they want to find out something from the dead but he's not sure why they'd go to John Edward.
The guys talked about how people come to believe in stuff even if they're not religious and they can change when someone dies in their life.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard does great interviews and he thinks that this Shatner and Takei thing would be great. He said that he's hoping that Howard won't retire but if he did he thinks that they could sprinkle in some Howard interviews with a show like this.
The guys talked about Howard's sister Ellen's call to the show today. They went over some of the stuff they talked about and how worried Ellen was that their mom had heard her talking about how she had smoked when they were young.
Jon asked if everyone got Howard gifts. Fred said he got him something really small. He said it was a book but he'll let Howard talk about it if he wants. Gary said he got him something that will be coming soon. Benjy said he got him a pen. Fred joked that it was a pen from a bank with the chain still attached to it. Benjy said he hopes Howard looks up the pen to see how much it cost him. He said it was a good price.
Jon asked if Howard enjoys celebrating his birthday. Gary said he's somewhere in the middle and he doesn't want it to be too much. Gary said Fred gave him the gift and he seems to like that but he doesn't want to go overboard celebrating.
Jon said that playing the birthday show songs was great. Fred said it reminds you of the crazy shows they used to do. He said they were always relieved when they would be done with the shows those days. Gary said he can't remember if they helped put the Conan O'Brien band together or if they came to them as a band. He thinks that they helped put it together but he's not sure. Gary said the core of the Max Weinberg band started on those birthday shows.
Jon asked Gary if he misses those shows at all. Gary said that the week before those shows was torture. He said he got a lot of no answers from people and it was really hard to put them together. Fred said that was the hard part because so many people didn't want to be part of those shows. Gary said Robin would suggest that they get people to cut IDs for them for those shows and people would call in. Then they did a big birthday show that first year. They kept getting bigger and bigger. He said that they had to scrap a boat ride for the advertising clients because they had turned this thing so big. Gary said they would do the radio show and people would get bored in 15 minutes because they couldn't hear the show and then they'd all start talking.
Benjy asked when the last one was. Gary wasn't sure. Gary said that he never felt that the shows were good enough and they always wanted to do them better.
Gary said it was hard to get the big guests that would make the parties work. He said that they had to get a lot of guests they had already had before. Benjy said that Howard would probably say that a regular show is better than doing those special shows. Gary agreed. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about his birthday. He said he got a gift from Robin yesterday too. He thanked her for that. Howard said he got champagne and two bottles of wine and an invitation to take him and 8 friends out to dinner. Howard asked if he has to take Benjy. Robin said it's up to him. Howard thanked her for all of that.
Howard said Fred got him a book and Benjy got him a pen. He said it was a very nice pen. He said Benjy seems to like him despite the way he treats him. He said if you treat someone badly you get some nice gifts. Howard said Benjy sent flowers to his apartment the other day too. He said he's going to keep treating people poorly. Howard said he got caviar from Robin too. He said they're going to eat that this weekend.
Howard said he went out to dinner last night with his friend Pat and his wife. He said they gossip about everyone when they go out. He said Beth was yenta'ing with Pat and his wife. Howard said no one had a good word said about them. He said he's a big Yenta too.
Robin said she met Howard in the park and ran with him. Robin said her trainer told her she should run with him more often because she ran harder than usual. Howard said he's pretty sure he could be in this shape without a trainer. He said he looks horrible. The trainers tell him it's not how you look, it's how you feel.
Howard said his kids don't care about the late night people. His one daughter didn't even know who Jimmy Kimmel was. Howard said Conan went from being the next big guy to the guy they have to get rid of and demean. Robin said they gave him 7 months and now they don't want him.
Howard said if he were Conan he'd be getting ready to sue the guy who drew up his contract. Howard said he always made sure to put in the contract that he had to be on at a certain time. Conan didn't do this. He said he had to make sure he was on from 6-10am every morning and it was spelled out in the contracts he signed.
Howard said NBC is going to fuck Conan over and tell him that they're still going to call his show ''The Tonight Show'' and just put it on at 12:05 in the morning. Howard said they'll do that with a smile on their faces. Howard said that's like Les Moonves telling him he was suspended for a day for talking about SIRIUS when he was told he could do that. Howard said the executives will fuck you over.
Howard said NBC won't pay Conan the money he's owed either. He said that they're going to get him to quit and they're just going to fuck him over. He said they'll argue it in court too and drag it out. Howard said NBC may have just been lucky that they didn't have the time in the contract.
Howard said Conan released a statement yesterday where he said he thought he was going to have a good lead in and he didn't get that. He was basically talking about NBC's fuck up with Jay Leno's failed show and what a debacle that was. Howard said NBC reduced the impact of Conan moving to the Tonight Show when they promoted Jay's show so much. Howard said Jay got Kanye West on his show after the Taylor Swift incident and the had all of this excitement over Jay's show. Howard said Conan isn't entirely to blame.
Howard said he never had a lead in himself and did fine with the channel 9 show. Howard said he had a zero point zero lead in. He said he ended up with a 13 share and beat Saturday Night Live every week. Howard said he never had any listeners at the stations to lead into his show either. He said he's done it on his own.
Howard said Conan had a lot working against him over there and he doesn't deserve all of the blame. He said he was preceded by a show that NBC invested a lot more money in. He said it was like Conan was still the 12:30 show. Howard said they're going to paint Conan as a loser so no one else wants him. Robin said they're saying they lost $200 million with Conan over there.
Howard said they're going to make Conan look really bad and paint him as a loser. He said that's what they did to Chevy Chase over at FOX. He said they essentially ended his career with that. Howard said they didn't even need to paint him as a loser but they were bitter and angry so they went through with it. Howard said they will fuck you up the ass and not use lube.
Howard said he never thought Conan was going to light up that time slot anyway. He's been saying that from the beginning. Howard said he didn't get why Jay left either. He said he should have gone to another network. Robin said he's also doing damage control. He said he hopes Conan can get a show on FOX and he does take away some of Jay's ratings, just enough to ruin him.
Howard said Jimmy Kimmel did a Jay Leno bit last night and it was hilarious. He said that he was showing what kind of guy Leno really is. JD came in and said Jimmy did the whole show as Jay Leno. He was dressed up as Jay and showed how cookie cutter his show is.
Howard said Richard Huff was saying that this has made all of the late night shows very real. He said they're talking about this stuff on all of the shows and it's very entertaining.
Howard said Jimmy went out and high fived all of the audience like Jay does on his show. He said he had the monologue to play too. Jimmy had the big chin on and he was doing an impression of him. Jimmy, as Jay, said he was taking over all of the late night shows. Jay said that ABC stands for ''Always Bump Conan.'' Howard said Jimmy had it down and had Jay doing this lame thing that he does on his show where he repeats that joke over and over again.
Jimmy was doing the show just like Jay would do with goofy jokes and the band playing behind him for no apparent reason. Howard said he had the music and the repeating down. Howard said he liked that.
Howard said Jay Leno is an asshole and he hopes that somehow the audience doesn't watch his show and doesn't welcome him back.
Howard wondered what Letterman did last night. Robin said he's been pointing out that this is all about money. Howard said they really did screw Conan over. He said he loves all of this though. He said you have to really be sharp when it comes to this stuff.
Howard said Conan isn't taking credit for any of this. He said he didn't light the world on fire over there. Robin said Conan has said that he didn't get a chance to stretch out and do the show he wanted to do. Howard said you don't get 7 months of practice to do a good show. Howard said some TV shows only get one shot. One episode to prove themselves.
Howard said by the time Conan took over the show it wasn't even exciting anymore. He said NBC didn't really support him at all. Robin said Conan was saying that he had to move to L.A. with his family and this is the way they're treating him. Howard said he has plenty of money and he could move right back if he doesn't like it out there.
Howard said he has a spot there for him on Howard 101 if he wants to do that. He said Scott Greenstein loves any show and even pitched him the Ashley Dupre show. Howard said he doesn't even know what she would do there. Scott had no idea either but he told him to get it on.
Howard took a call from Yucko the Clown who asked if he thinks that Stuttering John is going to get his job back. Howard said he thinks Jay is done with John and he doesn't even like John. Howard said he thinks Jay will never fire the guy because he'd feel guilty over that. Howard said he thinks he'd like to get rid of John since they did take him off the show and put him behind the scenes. Howard said they got rid of Jay's desk and John and that was all of the changes they did for the new show. He said John will get to keep his mercy job though. Howard said John is going to leach, or latch, on to Jay's chin and never leave that job.
Jon Hein came in and said that the official word is that Conan will be on until the Olympics start in February. He said that they can't fill in for him over there legally so they may keep him around until then. Howard said that the schmuck who negotiated the contract really fucked up with not saying what time he should be on.
Jon said that Jay is going to get a new contract now too. Howard went off on Jay goofing on him for being such a scumbag. Howard did an impression of him and goofed on him for a few minutes about all of the lame stuff he claims. He said he really hates Jay. He said he's a ''douche wipe.'' Howard said he can't stand the guy and he wants Letterman to do something when he goes back so he can beat him.
Jon said that they're going to get rid of Conan and Leno is back to his old time slot and Jimmy Fallon is staying in his spot. Conan will be gone. Howard said that's after 17 years working there at NBC.
Fred asked Howard if he knew how long Leno's ratings were low before he started to beat Letterman. Jon said he's going to look that up. He said he was given enough time to get to that point. Howard said Conan was out of there faster than Yucko's wife. Howard asked how long Yucko's wife lasted. Yucko said it was just two months. He said he was like the Conan O'Brien.
Howard said Yucko is a lovable bachelor now. Yucko said that's right, he's available. Yucko said he didn't have one good day of marriage. Howard said he would like to make a movie about that relationship. He said he would have the wedding being a disaster and all of the stuff that went on with them. He said he'd film it for Howard TV. He said Yucko could even play himself. He said he could write it up in a night. He said they'd call it ''She's Just Not That Into Clowns.''
Yucko asked Howard what he did last night for his birthday. Howard said he went out to dinner and didn't get home until 9 o'clock. He said he went to sleep as soon as he got home. Howard said he told Beth that his birthday was almost perfect. Beth said she'd have sex with him but he was falling asleep. Howard said they had a great time though.
Howard said Beth gave him a piece of jewelry for his birthday. She had the necklace remade for him. Yucko couldn't believe she gave him a necklace. Howard asked Yucko what his wife gave him. Yucko said it was divorce papers. Howard let Yucko go a short time later.
Robin said the receptionist was telling her something similar about that. She said that the receptionist was going to find JD a nice girl and she was going to advise him on what to do.
Howard said he watched the video of JD with Ashley and he looked good with her. He said she should go out with her.
Gary said that the receptionist was saying that they were going to find JD a cougar. JD isn't interested in that. Howard said a lot of people seemed to like Ashley on the show yesterday. He said he was thinking about the interview and he'd like to ask her about what the difference is between a call girl and a prostitute. He said she must have something in mind about that.
Howard said he has a lot more questions. He said he wants JD to tell her to come back in after his date. JD said he'll do that after she gives him advice. Howard said JD has to tell her not to be so high and mighty and date a regular guy like him to get her image back. Howard said he has to talk her up like that. He told him to get all of that out before she leaves.
Howard pretended to be Ashley and told JD to practice on him. Howard pretended that he was setting JD up on a date with a cougar. JD said that he was actually interested in her. Fred played footsteps walking out and then the door closing.
Howard told JD what to say to her. He told him to say he was into her and he likes her attitude and her looks. He said that he can say he's not Trump or other guys who will just give her lip service. Howard said he has to have the right attitude.
Howard tried again with JD and pretended to be Ashley again. JD interrupted ''her'' and told her to listen to him. He said what Howard told him to say. Fred threw in the door closing again. Howard had him play the footsteps and then a car peeling out sound effect. Howard told JD that she ran off with the waiter in his Maseratti.
Howard asked Robin if she just saw what happened. Robin said it was just dismal. Howard asked if JD could get that guy Jared's number for her. JD said that was enough of that.
Howard said JD and Ashley will be on Howard TV tonight. Robin asked what it was about her that he liked. JD said she seemed to be herself on the show and she wasn't putting on anything for them. She was very ''real'' to him.
Howard said JD has some problems. JD said he has more than one problem. Howard said JD gave her ''the greatest gift of all'' and she wants to re-gift it to a cougar.
Fred told JD to get a Jared mask. JD didn't seem to like hearing that. Howard and Fred were in their Ashley voice and gave him all of this advice.
Howard told JD not to let her run away and to charm her a little bit. Fred did an impression of JD asking her if she wanted more cinnamon in her hot chocolate. Howard did his JD impression a little bit too.
Howard said he thought JD and Ashley looked good on camera together. He said he thinks that JD could be sleeping with her. JD told him to slow down there. He said he's going to take it slow.
Howard told JD to look cool and get a leather jacket or something. He said he might need a make over. JD said he doesn't want a make over. He said he'll look fine. Howard said ''No you won't.'' Howard said he should dress like Johnny Depp. He said he dresses well.
Howard told JD he needs a motorcycle jacket or something. He said that would look cool. JD said he had a leather jacket and it didn't look good on him. Howard told him to get a turban or something then. He told him to get some sunglasses because he looks nerdy with those glasses. Howard said if he looks like Johnny Depp the girls will go nuts for him. He told him to go to a place with low lighting too. Howard said that's what he would do when he first met Beth.
Howard had a picture of Johnny Depp and told JD to wear that outfit. He said he has hair like Johnny Depp. JD said he doesn't have hair like that. Howard told him to just try dressing like that. Howard said he doesn't have any confidence and he has to dress up like that. Howard told him not to have his gut hanging out like he does. JD said he doesn't have a gut.
Howard told JD not to smile too much either. He said he might end up looking like the Joker. Howard told JD to dress up nice every day and he could have the receptionist. JD said it's not comfortable to dress like that. Howard said if he's getting tons of pussy it'll be plenty comfortable.
Howard said Beth likes it when he wears a nice coat. He told JD to take up smoking if that will help him look cooler. Howard said he saw this movie ''Youth in Revolt'' and they have Michael Cera dressing cool and it works. He said JD could do that in a snap. He told JD to get it together and get that girl. JD said he'd do what he could.
Howard said he and JD were chatting on IM the other night. He said he told JD to go out and get some clothes. Robin said she had to talk to him at the party the other night because she never gets a word with him at any other time.
Howard played the Conan monologue from last night. Conan was joking about how he didn't have much time left there so he had to stop the clapping. Conan joked that he might be available for children's parties soon. He talked about how crazy things had gotten. Conan said he thought about hosting the show for 7 months from the time he was a kid. Conan talked about how NBC was hoping to have everything worked out by the time the Olympics were on and said that when NBC says something you can take that to the bank. He was joking about his situation and had the audience laughing pretty hard.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what he thinks Conan should do. Howard said this wouldn't have happened to him so he's not sure. He said he would never stay quiet about this stuff and he would bash companies right over the head if they were screwing him over. Howard said Conan has been screwed over since he took over the Tonight Show. Howard said they gave all of this support to Jay Leno and fucked Conan over. Howard said he didn't get any ratings but he didn't have a lead in. Howard said NBC was giving Jay Leno all of the best guests and stuff like that too.
Howard said NBC is trying to blame Conan for all of this. He said they should have been honest from the beginning and kept Jay at 11:30 and told Conan he could stay or take his buy out. Robin said that Jay Leno did exactly what NBC expected him to do. They knew he wasn't going to win in the ratings but he got enough that they were fine with it.
Another caller wished Howard a happy birthday and said he's sorry he shares one with Rush Limbaugh. The guy said he also shares one with his ex-wife. Howard said he thinks that Kirstie Alley also shares his birthday. Howard said Fred wrote him a note about the other celebrities he shares his birthday with. Rob Zombie is one of them. Howard said he and Rob were emailing back and forth and he's directing an episode of either CSI or Law and Order out in Los Angeles.
The caller asked why George Takei wasn't in the studio this week since he's in New York. Gary said that George just got back from London and he usually calls them when he wants to be in there. He said he might have something going on.
Howard said he has to take a break for the commercials since he's gone so long. He said he doesn't like taking breaks but people think he does. He said he has to take the breaks for the commercials.
Howard said Woody Johnson just lost his daughter and they gave him a game ball and a reporter asked if that eases the pain of his daughter's death. Howard said Woody walked out on the guy. Howard said he was estranged from his daughter but that's just not right. Howard said maybe some heroin would ease the pain of that.
Howard said he tried to get in touch with Artie yesterday but he wasn't able to get through. He said it wasn't as easy as he thought it would be.
Howard said they have Herschel Walker coming in today. Gilbert Gottfried is also coming in. Howard said Herschel had a multiple personality disorder and he didn't know that. Howard said they'll be talking to him about that. He said he's become an MMA fighter. Howard said they'll find out more when he gets there. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said Herschel Walker is there. He said he has to get to Lisa G too but he's going to have to put her off. Howard said Herschel was a Heissman trophy winner. Herschel came in and Howard took a look at him. He said he still looks like a young man. Herschel said he's 47 years old. He said he started playing in 83.
Herschel said he's fighting now and he'll be doing that on January 30th. He's going to give his money to charity from that event. Howard asked what he's getting paid.
Herschel said he's getting paid pretty well. He played in the USFL so he made good money thanks to Trump. He said the USFL helped NFL players get paid more. Howard said Trump owned a team and hired Herschel. Herschel said that Trump didn't ruin that league like people said he did. He said it takes a lot of money to run a team like that.
Herschel said he was making $5 million a year back then and that was huge at the time. He said he was in the USFL for 3 years. Howard asked if he still got paid when the USFL went under. He said he did and he went and played for some NFL teams while he was still getting paid.
Howard said a football player has a limited career and they have to make as much as they can while they're playing. Howard said he's getting paid too. He said people say he doesn't get the attention he used to have but he still has that power to get paid.
Howard said Herschel's parents picked cotton down in Georgia so they know how important it is to get paid. Herschel said that he got a note from Frank Sinatra one time and he told him he was doing the right thing.
Howard said he knows guys who were in the NFL and they didn't get paid so they have to work now. Herschel said that some guys get out and they don't know what to do and they have trouble walking. He said the NFL should start a fund to help these guys out. He said they'll never do that though.
Herschel talked about getting into this MMA fighting and how tough that is. He said he loves to compete and he thinks that they're the toughest athletes in the world. He said he's going to give his money to charity when he fights this.
Howard said he read that Herschel once played Russian Roulette. Herschel said he wrote a book (Breaking Free: My Life with Dissociative Identity Disorder) and talked about that in there. He also talked about his multiple personality disorder. Howard explained what Russian Roulette was and Herschel said he did that over six times. He said he was alone when he did it. He said he thought of it as a competition.
Herschel said that his marriage ended because of that stuff. He said that he had to get help for the problems he was having and that led to a divorce. Herschel said he owns a company now and he has 800 employees. Howard said he took his football money and invested a lot of it in this chicken company. Herschel said he made it a family business but then he had to fire everyone. He said they'd come to work and forget what work was all about.
Howard asked Herschel who he hired. He said he hired cousins and brothers and then had to tell them to leave. He said they just don't understand what work is. Herschel said that his mother told him that he might want more out of people than they wanted to give and that's what he found.
Herschel told Howard about how he got started with the company and how he built it up himself. He owns it 100 percent. Herschel said it's the largest minority owned chicken company in the states. He said that they sell to a lot of restaurants and stuff like that around the country and to tother countries.
Herschel said the company is worth about $200 million now. He said he invested about $4 million in the beginning and he's grown it into this. Herschel said Donald Trump was a big influence on him and he said he was going to get out of football after the USFL and Trump told him to keep playing. He said he was always a good thing for him.
Howard asked Herschel if he felt he was given his due in the NFL. He said he was happy in most of the teams except with Minnesota. He said they wouldn't let him play that much and he didn't like that. He said he felt he owed it to the fans to prove it to them that he could play. Herschel said in one game he had about 160 yards carrying the ball and the next game they didn't let him play. He said it was ridiculous.
Herschel got in a plug for his upcoming fight on January 30th. Howard said he was going to get to the fighting but he wanted to talk to him about other stuff first. He asked about his wife and how they had gotten married so young. Herschel said he felt he had lost his best friend and that's what led to the divorce. He said his wife didn't understand why he wanted to build this company he started. He said she felt they had enough money. Herschel said he was blinded by his own ambition and he had to go on with the company. He said he started ignoring her.
Herschel told Howard that he's dating now a little bit. He said he's really focused on this fight though. Howard asked him if he went out and got laid after the divorce. Herschel wasn't saying much about that. Howard asked if he has a big penis. Herschel said it's pretty big. Howard said he has micro-phallus himself. Herschel said that's too bad.
Howard asked Herschel about the divorce and what he did after that. Herschel said he got depressed after that. Then he got busy with the company. He said his wife didn't get with anyone for like a year or two after the divorce. Herschel said she's married now but he still loves her.
Herschel said his wife was part Italian and told Howard about how her parents reacted to him. He said they were good to him and her mother could really cook.
Howard asked Herschel about the woman he's dating now. Herschel said she's black and Italian. He said she's a very pretty woman. Howard asked if he got into her pants quickly. He said he didn't try so early. Herschel said this is really only the second woman he's slept with. Howard found that hard to believe. He said he's practically a virgin. Howard said this is the guy people should be looking up to. He said Herschel should be getting the endorsements, not Tiger Woods. Herschel said there's more to that story than people are saying. He said he doesn't have his father there and it's a lot more than just getting women.
Howard asked Herschel if he dated a professional dancer after his divorce. He said he didn't do that. He said he just dated this one chick he's with now. Howard said he seems very Jesus like to him. Herschel said he doesn't even masturbate. He said he'd rather not play with himself. Howard said he really is Jesus-like. Howard asked if he whacked off when he was young. He said he doesn't remember doing that. Herschel said he used to stutter when he was younger and he was also overweight. He said he got bullied in school too.
Herschel said he has multiple personality disorder and he thinks that came from being bullied in school. Howard asked him about when he got into Taekwondo. He said he did that at 17. He also does a lot of sit-ups and push-ups. He said he can do like 2500 a day. He still does them to this day but not quite as many.
Howard gave Herschel a plug for this fight he has coming up. He's going to be fighting a 26 year old. Howard said that's crazy. Herschel said he has confidence in his trainers so he thinks he'll be fine. Howard said one of his guys thought he looked a little stiff in his sparring video. Herschel said he was stiff but that was early on in the training. He said he's been working hard since then so he'll be fine. Herschel said he's ready to go now.
Howard asked about the kids bullying him. Herschel said they hurt his feelings making fun of him. He said he got into football and martial arts and all of that because of the bullying.
Howard asked how many personalities he has. Herschel said he thinks we all suffer from it to a certain extent. He said he has a disorder but he makes light of it. Herschel said he forgets some things like getting the Heissman trophy. He said he doesn't remember it because of the personality disorder. Howard asked if any of his personalities are a little girl. Herschel said none of them are.
Howard gave Herschel some more plugs for the fight that's taking place on January 30th. He said the fight will be on Showtime.
Howard asked Herschel what it means when he says he only sleeps 3 or 4 hours a night. Herschel said he sleeps 4 hours at the most and he only eats one meal a day. He said he doesn't eat meat anymore even though he owns a meat company. He eats salads and soup and bread. He said he does that late at night when he's going to bed. He said he's been doing that for over 20 something years. Howard asked how many calories he takes in. Herschel said he doesn't worry about that so he doesn't know.
Herschel said he has water when people eat around him during meetings and stuff. He said last night he had a Caesar salad and a matzo ball soup.
Howard said Herschel's wife thought he was trying to kill himself one time. It turns out he was just in the car listening to the radio because he couldn't get it in the house.
Howard asked Herschel about the new girlfriend and if he ever asks her to give him oral or is he too religious for that. Herschel said that stuff isn't in the bible. He said that he doesn't ask for anal either. He said he's not looking to do that stuff. He said he's been dating this one for about 3 years and he didn't have sex with her for about a year.
Howard said he has to meet this girl. He said that Herschel claims he has like 11 inches. Herschel said he's never measured so he's not sure where he came up with that number. Howard asked if he had to warn the woman about his size before he took it out. He said he's never had to do that. Howard said he has to warn women but the other way.
Herschel said that Howard should bring his show down to the fight and do a show there. He said he'd get them tickets. Howard gave him some more plugs for the fight and talked about that a little more.
Howard asked Herschel if he's ever been to a strip club. Herschel said that wouldn't do anything for him so he's never gone. That led to the Howard TV guys playing a Sybian ride for him. Herschel said that wasn't doing anything for him either. He said he feels sorry for the girl. He said she could ride a horse better than that.
Howard asked Herschel if any movie stars turn him on. Herschel said he'd rather not get into that whole headache.
Howard asked Herschel about what he's done for his parents. He said he set them up with a 500 acre property. He said they don't have to pick cotton anymore.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he would ever like to have sex with a black woman. Herschel said he would if he liked the woman. Howard told Robin to show him what she's got. Howard asked Herschel if people give him a hard time about not dating black women. He said he has had people give him a hard time.
Howard asked Herschel how he got over his stuttering. He said he did that on his own by reading to himself in a mirror.
Another caller asked Herschel if he's ever taken steroids. He said he never did and he thinks that anyone who does shouldn't be allowed to play because that's cheating. They talked about Mark McGwire and his crying over his steroid use. Herschel said he wondered why he was crying now. It didn't make sense to him. Herschel said he hasn't cried in a long time.
Howard said Herschel does seem to be a really good guy. He asked if he kills any animals or anything, other than chickens. Herschel said he doesn't do any of that. He said he did fire his family from working with him but that's about all the bad he did. He said he has some other bad things that he won't name right now. He said he doesn't go to church every Sunday either. He does pray every day though.
Howard told Robin she's missing out on a lot. Robin said she didn't know all of this stuff. She said that she does like Herschel. Howard asked if she would marry him today. Robin said she's not going to do that.
Howard took a call from a guy who was asking Herschel if he thinks the cowboys can take it. Howard cut him off and said the guy had nothing to say. He gave Herschel some more plugs and started to wrap up the interview.
Herschel told Howard that his family is wondering why he's doing this fight. He said that he thinks he's going to do fine but he's going to take it one fight at a time.
Howard asked Herschel about Michael Vick and Plaxico Burress. He said he thinks the dog fighting thing was wrong. He also said that when someone breaks the law, like Plaxico did, they have to be punished for it. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he was listening to a bunch of clips he wanted to play. He said there was an article about Simon Cowell leaving American Idol where they say that he didn't put any effort into the new season of American Idol. Robin said there weren't a lot of screw ups on the show last night. Howard said they're starting to say that he might take over for Simon. Howard said he wouldn't do that.
Howard said the anchors like to throw his name out there and then put him down. Howard said it would have to be someone like him because they need a dick to tell people the truth. Howard said he wouldn't just be mean. He said he would just be honest.
Howard played a news report where the news anchor threw out his name and talked about how he's too mean and nasty to take Simon's place.
Howard said he would even critique the band they have on that show. He said they go to the band leader and talk about how great they are but they're like a karaoke band. He said the arrangements are horrible. He said the band is horrible and he would say when they're bad.
Howard played another news clip where the reporters talked about Howard taking Simon's spot and how he's the kind of guy that would annoy them. One woman said she'd turn off the TV if Howard was on that show. Howard called her a bitch. The woman threw out Al Sharpton as a possible judge. Howard said he can't believe she has no problem with that guy who is a race baiter.
Howard said he's not sure what he did so wrong. Robin said he gets that kind of reaction a lot. She's not sure why that is though.
Howard said the reporters must have been wondering why he called them all there for that. Then he goes into a whole campaign speech type of thing. Howard said he's not sure what was going on there.
Howard said Patton Oswalt was on some show and he was asked about the Jay Leno thing. He said Patton must hate Leno as much as he does. He said his whole take on the thing was great. Howard said it was long at 4 minutes but it was good.
Howard played the audio of Patton talking about the Leno thing. Patton said that he compares Leno to Nixon's rise to power. Patton was saying that Leno was one of the best stand-ups out there and he threw that switch off and gave them that show that he does. He was talking about Leno being the kind of boss who is passive aggressive and mean. He said Letterman doesn't do that and doesn't play any games with people. Patton said that Letterman and Conan had seen these shows when they were growing up and they had a passion for it. He said Jay Leno never had that. He said he just wanted the Tonight Show to have it.
Patton was talking about how Leno just wanted the show so he could go out and touch the fans like he's passing out some healing elixir. Patton said it feels like there's a guy winning and the guy doesn't even know why he wants to win. He said that Leno doesn't do anything with the show and it's not clear why he wants to win it so bad. He said Conan wants to do stuff with his staff and he's on his way to doing what he did with his 12:30 show. Patton said they should have just let him go.
Howard said he thought that take was interesting. He said it's hard to root for Jay Leno because he's such a shithead. Howard said he knows Jay off the air and there's just nothing there. You can't root for the guy. Howard said he liked that clip of Patton talking about Jay. He said it's hard to put down in words and Patton had it.
Howard said some people like Sal's ''cheap Jew'' phony phone call. Howard read some of those emails. Howard said one guy told him to get over the cat and just be thankful that he has his wife and let her have the cat. Howard said he is. He's not complaining.
Howard read some mail about William Shatner's interview. There were some people who didn't like him on the show. There were others who think that he's great. Howard said he's going to show up on Shatner's show, if they want him to, and moderate him and George Takei. He said he knows Bill wants him to be interviewed but he's not going to do that.
Howard wanted to take some phone calls and then get to Gilbert. Howard said he knows that the fans will be split on him coming in there. They always are.
Howard took a call from a guy, Nick Scutari, who claimed to be the senator who wrote the medical marijuana bill. Robin wasn't sure if it was really him. Jason came in and thanked him for passing the bill. He said that he's happy that he's furthering the cause.
Nick said he's never smoked marijuana himself but he thinks that there should be medical marijuana available. Howard asked Jason why he's so happy about it. Jason said he's happy for the people who are really sick and he thinks that it opens the door for pro-marijuana laws. Howard asked when the pot will be available for people. He said it will go into effect 6 months after John Corzine signs it into law. Nick said they hope it happens this week.
Howard asked what kind of illness you have to have to get the weed. He said they're going to have certain illnesses that you need to get the weed and they will have 6 places that you can get it. Nick said they hope that the weed will be strong enough that they won't need much of it.
Howard said this is a big deal. Nick said that people thought he was nuts when he introduced this bill but it has come around. Jason said he's really excited about this because his family has a history of glaucoma. He may not have it now but he may get it in the future.
Jason said that this guy Nick is a hero of his and he may name his party after him. Howard said he has no problem with weed even though he doesn't smoke it. Nick said it was an uphill battle for them so it was an accomplishment. Jason told him if he needs an ambassador for weed, give him a call. Howard let Nick go and said that the door has now been opened for pot.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw ''The Hurt Locker'' and it was amazing. Howard had recommended the movie so he watched it and thought it was great. Howard said it really was good. The caller kept saying the same thing over and over so Howard had to let him go. Howard said the movie was gut wrenching but it was really good. He said it's not a feel good movie for sure.
Howard said he's going to bring Gilbert Gottfried in next. Robin said that he might be able to control him during the news since Artie isn't there today. Howard wondered if Gilbert called Artie. He said he may not care. He said Gilbert will probably just laugh when he asks him what he thinks about the Artie thing. He said he doesn't think there's an bunch of care in Gilbert. He said he laughed at 9/11 and he doesn't think the guy cares about anything. Howard told Fred to just keep playing the audio clips of him and they won't bother having him come in. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and had Gilbert Gottfried come right in. Howard asked him if he was listening out in the green room. Gilbert said he was listening. Howard said he heard Gary was talking to him out there and Gilbert didn't ask how Artie was doing or anything. Gilbert was laughing as they were talking about that. Gary said he asked Gilbert how his kids were. Gilbert just said that the boy and the girl were okay. He didn't give out their names.
Howard said Gilbert is really awkward with everything. Gilbert said it's like he's waking up in a Twilight Zone episode every morning. Howard asked if he wanted kids or did his wife put pressure on him. Gilbert just said ''yeah... yeah...'' and didn't answer.
Howard asked Gilbert what he would do if he was in a Sophie's Choice kind of situation. Gilbert said he's not sure which one he would pick.
Howard asked Gilbert if he cares about the Artie situation. Gilbert said people ask him if he has inside information and he doesn't. Howard asked if he was upset by the news. Gilbert said when he hears news like that he feels like it's a new joke and he wants to go around telling everyone about it. He said he was telling anybody he could find about it.
Howard asked Gilbert if he wanted to say anything about Artie. That led to Gilbert doing the impression of Artie telling him what to do with his DVD. Gilbert said Artie gave him some great advice about how to pick what to put on that DVD.
Gilbert said they started showing his Dirty Jokes DVD on Showtime and Artie asked him how he got that to be shown on cable. Gilbert said he just started cracking up and Artie told him to go fuck himself.
Howard said he's tried to have a conversation with Gilbert off the air and it's awful. He said it's very hard to talk to the guy. Gilbert was laughing through all of this stuff.
Howard took a call from Artie audio clips and the guys in the back had Artie telling Gilbert he was a douche bag. Gilbert didn't answer and just laughed.
Howard asked Gilbert if he's going to contact Artie or not. Gilbert said he'll send him a post card. Howard asked if anything touches him at all. Gilbert just laughed. Howard said he must be into this late night war. Gilbert had plenty to say about that. He said NBC should just run ''I Love Lucy'' reruns instead of live shows. He said it looks like a disaster right now. Howard asked Gilbert if he even watches those shows. Gilbert said he watches them on an old black and white TV.
Howard asked Gilbert what he does when he's not working. He spends some time with the kids. Gilbert said child one is 2 and a half and the other one is 8 months. He said he hasn't incorporated them into his act. He said he hates that. Gilbert said he leaves that out of his act. Gilbert said he's fine with the old time comics mentioning their wife but he doesn't even do that.
Gilbert said he hates all comedians and he won't watch them. Howard asked what he does when he goes to the roasts. Gilbert said watching a comic is like going to work on his day off. It's just not something he likes doing.
Howard asked Gilbert who he liked when he was growing up. Gilbert was just laughing. Howard asked if he liked Georgie Jessel. That led into Gilbert doing his impression of Georgie. Howard said it seems he has disdain for comics and it's odd that he chose this as his profession.
Howard asked Gilbert about hanging out with the comics back stage and who they are. Gilbert was just laughing through all of the questions. He said he doesn't think he's actually friends with anyone in show business. He said he may not even have any friends. Gilbert said his wife does though.
Howard asked Gilbert if he goes out to dinner with his wife's friends and if he's miserable the whole time. Gilbert said he is miserable. He said he'll try to force himself into the conversation but only because he's so quiet most of the time. He said he really doesn't care about what they're talking about.
Robin asked if there's anyone he gets together with on his own. Gilbert said that happens every once in a while.
Howard said he used to be like Gilbert but now he's made friends with some people in radio and he can talk to them about radio. He said it's interesting to hear their take on it. He told Gilbert that maybe he should do that. Gilbert said he used to get calls from Richard Jeni but he ended up killing himself. Gilbert said the calls would come in the evening and Jeni would call him ''Bert'' instead of Gilbert. Then he would start talking and he'd start rambling on. Gilbert said that may have been the Ambien kicking in. Gilbert said Richard may have called just to kill time until the pills kicked in.
Howard asked Gilbert if he got upset when Jeni died. Gilbert said he had something to talk about again when he killed himself. Howard asked if he sent a note to the family after he died. Gilbert said he never did. Gilbert told Howard he went into this store one time and asked them to take a package for him and Jeni's mother worked there. He said he said hello to her and talked about Richard. Howard asked if she cried. Gilbert said she didn't cry and he was glad she didn't because he'd have to get out of there.
Howard said he heard that Gilbert tried to get Artie's canceled gigs when he heard about the suicide attempt. Gilbert just laughed again. Robin said she's shocked that he cares so little. Howard said he's sorry for Gilbert.
Howard asked Gilbert if he gets involved when his kids are crying in the house. Gilbert said he'll try to comfort them but it's impossible. He said he finds the whole meaning to that Perry Como song ''It's Impossible.''
Howard asked Gilbert if he enjoys any activities with the kids. Gilbert said there was one time when he went to the bank or something and his wife called and asked where he was. He said he went to the bank and got some coffee. Gilbert said she reminded him that the kids were at home. He said he just walked out and forgot he was there to watch the kids. Howard said they should call child services.
Howard asked if he ever carries the kids on his shoulders. Gilbert said he can't do that. He's amazed by people who can. Howard asked if he does baby talk with the kids. Gilbert was laughing and almost choked from it.
Howard asked if he takes the kids to Disney or anything. Gilbert said they may have gone to Disney once. He didn't even remember. Howard wondered waht the kids call him. Gilbert said they call him Mr. Gottfried. Howard said this is all very strange.
Howard asked if Gilbert has gone to school to visit. Gilbert said he just did that this week. Gilbert told Howard he was there with his daughter and they were stuck there wtih the other dads. Howard asked if they did any activities in there. Gilbert said he can do stuff liek play with clay no problem. He said there was one time he was playihng with clay and he started to make a big penis out of clay and started swinging it back and forth. Howard asked if he's a pedophile or soemthing. He also asked if he spoke in a blakc voice while he did that. Gilbert did soem of that black voice for HOward.
Howard gave up on tryhing ot find out more about the kids since Gilbert wasn't saying much. He asked him if he watned to stick aroudn for the news. Gilbert said he had a busy day today but he'd stick around. Howard said Gilbert is going to be at Caroline's this weekend. You can find out more at GilbertGottfried.com
Howard came back and talked to Gilbert for a minute and then said that there's someone observing Robin today. They're covering her for ''American Way'' magazine. That's the American Airlines magazine. The reporter said it's a freelance gig he's doing. Gilbert said he takes flights sometimes just to read the magazine. The reporter said he's usually a sports journalist in his day job. Howard told him that he should write about Robin saying that Sully wasn't a hero.
Howard asked the reporter if he had interviewed Robin yet. He said he hadn't. Howard said he must be getting some idea of what her job is like by observing her. Howard asked if he's fan. He said he's been listening since high school so he is a fan.
Howard asked what he's going to focus on. The guy said he's going to find out what makes this all work and why Robin has stuck with Howard for so long.
Howard and Gilbert kept telling the reporter what to write about and made up all kinds of stuff. Howard asked if he was going to cover her big boobs. The guy said he wouldn't. Gilbert asked ''What about her hairy pussy?'' Robin told Gilbert that her vagina looks like him. Gilbert said they should have a picture of him and Robin's vagina and see if people can tell the difference.
Howard asked the reporter if he has interviewed anyone they'd know. He said most of them are college sports players. He said he will try to spend about an hour with Robin today if she has the time.
Howard wondered if Robin is going to talk about the guy she's dating. Robin said that would be fine because she's ''dating'' and it's not just the one guy Howard thinks it is.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to the guy and said it sounds like it'll be a great interview. Howard said they should record it and play it on Howard 101. He said he'd love to hear the interview as a special on Howard 101. He said they'd learn more about her from that.
Howard asked what his first question is going to be for Robin. The reporter said he was going to ask her about getting up early and what kind of routine she has. Howard said he figured it would be airline related. The reporter said that's not what they concentrate on. Howard said he would ask her about shitting on the plane and what she does. He said that's the kind of stuff people on a plane are going to want to know about. Robin said she would never do that on a plane. She only had to do it once. She had an abdominal problem. Gilbert was laughing and asked if she shits more or less being a vegan. Robin wasn't saying. She said she actually got off the plane and went to the bathroom before they took off. They actually let her off the plane.
Gilbert was asking Robin if everyone heard her shitting. He was making the sounds while Fred played shitting and farting sounds.
Howard found out where this reporter went to school and found out he's 31 years old. Howard said he sounds like a bright guy. Gilbert told the guy that if this interview doesn't go well he's going to end up writing about him.
Howard asked if he can make good money doing the freelance stuff. He said he has a full time job writing for ESPN so he's doing well.
Howard said he thinks that Robin flies to Miami to get laid so he should ask her about that. Howard said he should just say ''Do you fly to get laid?'' Howard told the guy that Robin is a good interview but it'll take some work to get her to open up.
Howard said Robin isn't an easy nut to crack but once she's cracked open she'll open up. Gilbert was still asking about the shitting stuff. Howard said one of the things he knows about her is that Robin will occasionally bring a vibrator with her on the plane. Robin said he's crazy and she never packs a vibrator. Howard wondered how she gets them through security. She said she doesn't bring them.
Howard asked the guy what his name was. He said it was Kieran. Howard said he's going to keep his eye on this guy. He said he sounds very smart to him.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about Artie not coming back. He said he'd like to nominate Gilbert to take his place. Howard asked if he's trying to get his job and that's why he's there today. Gilbert said he really just missed doing the show. Howard gave Gilbert some more plugs after that.
Steve said they also have some ratings numbers and Conan's ratings haven't gone up at all even with all of this going on. He had a 2.8 rating. He said Letterman had a 3.8. Howard said it really is disastrous because people have tuned out on Conan. Jon Hein said he thinks that Conan may be out by the end of the week if this keeps up.
Howard asked if Leno will regain his ratings. Steve said no. Jon said he thinks he will get ratings when he starts but he's not sure if he'll retain them.
Steve said they're going to have a show with Tracey Millman on next Monday night at 7. Steve said that Tracey is nervous but she's ready to do the show. Howard said he didn't even know that. The show will be called Happy Hour with Tracey.
Steve said that Vinnie Favale's musical, Hereafter, has been getting some notice and Beth sent him a nice email about it. Howard said Vinnie invested a lot of money into that musical. Steve said he thinks he's onto something there and it's really impressive.
Steve said that Underdog Lady had her colon removed in the fall and the doctor is going to be reversing that surgery soon. Howard said he didn't know that. This all came about because of a cat bite. Howard said she hasn't been eating well either so that might have something to do with it.
Jon Hein had his Wrap Up Show preview next. He ran down his list of subjects for today's show.
Robin started her news off talking about the people who were born on Howard's birthday. John Hancock was one. She said that there were others like Jack London, Tex Ritter, Kreskin, Joe Frazier, Kirstie Alley, Rush Limbaugh, Rob Zombie, Heather Mills and others.
Ralph called in and said that it was very interesting that Underdog Lady was taken down by a cat since Underdog's nemesis was a cat.
Robin read a story about a cab driver that turned over $21,000 that someone had left in the cab. Robin said that people are surprised when the drivers give this money back. The woman who left her purse behind was visiting the country from Italy. The cabbie drove the purse back to her 50 miles away.
Robin read a story about David Copperfield who has been cleared of trying to rape a woman by coaxing her to his private island. The woman is under investigation for possible prostitution.
Robin read some news about the earthquake in Haiti. Howard said Haiti is a horrible place. Robin said they're always having problems down there. Fred kept playing Gilbert laughing clips when Robin would read the horrible news stories like that. He had Gilbert cracking up at his own audio clips. Robin read about the earthquake and said they were afraid of a tsunami. Gilbert laughed at that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they have a comic genius in the studio today. He said that in the beginning it sounded like he was forcing the interview but he should just stick Gilbert into the news because he's great. He said he would marry Gilbert if he was gay. Howard asked the guy if he felt he was doing a bad job with him. The caller said he loves Gilbert in the news but the interview earlier was odd. Howard said he didn't know he was doing such a bad job. The caller also wanted them to bring Jackie back and bring back the ''H-O-W-A-R-D S-T-E-R-N'' song.
Robin read that the U.S. is going to be sending Aid down to Haiti. She had some audio of Hillary Clinton talking about that. Gilbert continued to laugh through the whole story. Robin said the Presidential palace down there even collapsed. Gilbert laughed.
Robin read that there are people in Vermont that want to secede from the United States. She said that they want to have their own country up there. Robin said they say they would be really democratic up there if they did that. Howard said he thinks that Sarah Palin's husband wants Alaska to secede too. He said they should let them do that and see what happens.
Robin read that President Obama polls show that he has been a failure so far. There are others who say he's been a success. Howard went around the room and asked the guys what they think. Fred said he thinks he's doing a good job. Gilbert said ''What, you mean the nig*er?'' Howard said that was crazy. Gilbert was trying to be funny but that wasn't the way to do it. Howard said Gilbert loves that racial humor. He gave up on asking him about that. Howard wanted to know what Robin thought. Robin said she thinks that the results have been mixed. She's a little disappointed in his performance so far. Howard said he thinks he's doing okay but he doesn't like that they've added more troops in Afghanistan. Howard asked the reporter, Kieran, what he thinks. He said he's in the middle as well.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Gilbert was a great way to get their minds off of Artie. He said he didn't like that Howard anted Gilbert to hold back. Howard said he doesn't know why people are blaming him for that interview. Robin said they like his discomfort.
The caller also asked Howard at what point he would want Beth to pull the plug on him if something happened to him. Howard said if he's not functioning then she could pull the plug.
Another caller said Gilbert is bringing the show to a screeching halt. He said he doesn't even have the decency to be quiet during the news. That led to Gilbert doing his Dracula Gottfried impression for a minute.
Another caller said he just smoked 2 ounces of medical marijuana and Gilbert is the funniest he's ever been. Howard gave Gilbert some more plugs for his comedy gig and his web site. Gilbert said he's sold about 3 of his DVDs and when Artie saw how bad that was going, he tried to kill himself.
Robin said that Conan O'Brien is basically resigning his post at the Tonight Show. She said that NBC is saying that Jay Leno is going to be moving back to 11:30 but it's not clear if he's getting The Tonight Show back. Gary came in and said that Jay is even considering leaving. He said that they're saying that Jay is upset about the way NBC is treating him. Gary said if both of them left then it would be really wild. Howard said Jimmy Fallon would be in line next. Howard said that would be something if Jay and Conan left. Robin said that Conan is still taking pot shots at NBC management in his monologue. She had some audio of that to play.
Robin read about how they want to tax marijuana sales in California. They're trying to regulate the sales of medical marijuana out there. Howard asked Gilbert if he ever smoked pot. Gilbert said he did but he hasn't done it for decades. He said he got paranoid and depressed smoking the stuff. He said now he does Crystal Meth.
Robin read a story about Shaquille O'Neil being sued for harassment of a model. The model said she thought she was pregnant with his child and was frightened of him after she revealed that to him. That led to Gilbert and Fred doing their ''Si, sue, sy'' thing for a minute. Howard said they're like the senile Abbott and Costello.
Robin read about Vice President Biden's mother dying last week. Fred threw in a Gilbert laugh and made Gilbert laugh at himself. Robin had some audio of Biden talking about his mother at the funeral. Fred played more Gilbert laughs.
Robin had some audio of the 9-1-1 call for Casey Johnson. Howard said he almost listened to the 9-1-1 call for Brittany Murphy but it was so painful he couldn't listen to it. Howard wondered why they have to release those calls to the public. Robin said they have to for legal reasons. Howard said Gilbert refused to call 9-1-1 when he had his appendix burst. He ended up in the hospital and no one cared at all. Three months later Gilbert was calling Howard asking him why no one was talking about him being in the hospital. Gilbert said he remembers Mike Walker talking about how no one cares about him so they don't print anything. Gilbert said he could shoot the President and they wouldn't even put his name in the paper.
Robin read about Simon Cowell leaving American Idol. Robin had some audio of Ellen Degeneres talking about that on her TV show. Ellen said she was trying not to take it personally since it was on her first day on the show.
Robin read about this new movie with Denzel Washington and Gary Oldman in it. She said it looks intriguing to her. She had Howard play some audio of Oldman talking about the movie. They got bored real quick and cut it off. Gilbert and Howard goofed on the guy about how he repeated himself about the movie being like a Western throughout the clip. They did their impressions of him and goofed on him for a couple of minutes.
Robin read about the son of their governor being taken into custody for shooting dice. Howard said you never hear about anyone doing that anymore. He said that's pretty wild. Howard said it's almost like he's in a Western. Gilbert and Howard talked about that being like something you'd see in the Bowery Boys. Gilbert did his impression of those movies and goofed on that for a short time.
Robin read that Beyonce is taking some time off. Howard said he'd love to be able to make that announcement. Robin said she's not going back on tour until a few simpler goals have been achieved. Robin said Beyonce wants to take some classes, go see some Broadway shows and go to some restaurants. Fred threw in the Steve Langford ''Who gives a shit, who gives a fuck'' clip for that. He had Gilbert laughing at all of those clips he was playing.
Robin read about a new movie Paul Giamatti was in. Howard said he tried to watch that movie but he didn't make it more than 2 minutes. He said he was hoping that Spider-Man would show up. Howard said he loves Paul but that movie was unwatchable for him.
Robin had some audio of an actress talking about working with Jackie Chan but Howard didn't care and cut that off. Robin had some news about the movie ''Legion'' and said she's interested in seeing this one. Gilbert was still doing his Gary Oldman impression and saying it was like a Western too.
Robin had some audio of Brendan Frasier talking about working with Harrison Ford. Howard told everyone to prepare to be bored. He let the clip play through and Fred threw in a snoring sound. Gilbert added Curly from the Three Stooges snoring sounds too.
Gilbert did his Groucho Marx impression as Robin was wrapping up her news. He was talking about a show that she had mentioned they're doing where they're going to have people from The Bachelor holed up in a house like Big Brother. Gilbert did the Groucho thing like he was the old and tired Groucho. Howard said Dick Cavet loved Groucho and he'd interview him about stuff ''back in the day'' and it was boring just like that. They talked about how he was on his last legs at that time. Gilbert continued to do the amazing impression for a couple of minutes. He even had Groucho talking about his movies like they were Westerns like Gary Oldman. Robin wrapped up her news a short time later and they ended the show around 10:40am.
Gary and Jon talked about Herschel winning the Heissman trophy and how he definitely earned it. They talked about some other players at the time and how Herschel took the football thing on by storm.
Gary said he was thinking that Herschel was kind of soft spoken in the green room but then he got on the air and opened up. He said he turned out to be a great guest. Jon thought he came off very well on the show too.
Gary said Howard asked him to remind him of the history for Herschel and they went over that stuff before he came in. It was a big deal for him to be making $5 million a year in the USFL back when he was playing.
Jon and Gary went over the stuff Herschel talked about today and then went to the phones. A caller asked if the black athletes in the NFL are all homophobic. Gary said he gets it more as a southern thing and no just black guys. He said Jeremy Shockey had a similar feeling about it when he was on the show years ago.
Another caller said Herschel was talking about his multiple personalities and how they're just like acting differently at home and at work. He said that's so far from what a multiple personality disorder is. The guy explained what it would really be and how he didn't think he really had that problem. Gary said it did seem like he was saying it was more like just ''life'' that he was talking about.
The caller said he thought that the Russian Roulette thing was crazy. He said maybe he was just trying to sell a book. The caller said he'd never do that to himself. He said he must have had good luck at the time. The caller said that he's studying psychology and he's learning about this stuff now.
Jon took another call from a guy who reminded the guys about how good Herschel was in the USFL and argued that with them for a short time. Jon took another call from a guy who had more details about Herschel's career.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Herschel has come a long way speaking wise since he was playing. He said he thought he was a good guest today and he was fairly articulate. Gary asked if he was stuttering. Jon said it wasn't the stutter, he just had problems speaking normally.
Jon had Teddy play some of the interview with Hershel where he talked about being bullied in school. After that clip the guys talked about his work out regimen and how he just does push-ups and sit-ups every day. He does thousands of them every day. He doesn't lift weights.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that they have to credit Howard for making a B-list celebrity like that and make him interesting.
Benjy said the guy was very likeable and he wasn't sure what it was. He said there's just something about being in his presence that was easy going. Jon said the sports stuff was barely brought up and they still spent an hour in the interview.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Herschel was great back in the day and he loved him when he played for Dallas. Another caller agreed with that caller and said he thought he was great back then too.
Jon asked Gary how he thinks Herschel will do in the fight. Gary said he looks like he's good at anything he does so maybe he'll do well. Gary said he doesn't seem angry enough though. Benjy said there must be something going on more than they know because he did that Russian Roulette thing more than once.
Gary said he may have walked out with some bottles of water too. He may have taken 3 bottles. Gary said that Gilbert collects stuff that he gets free from shows like theirs. The caller said Gilbert was funny today. Jon said he loves when Gilbert is on the show.
Another caller said that he heard Gary has a lot of stories about Gilbert to share. Gary said he has one about Gilbert going out with this girl he used to date. Gary said they met out for coffee and Gilbert went to the bathroom. The woman waited and waited and paid the bill herself. She said that Gilbert showed up once the bill was paid and she never went out with him again.
Gary said Stuttering John did some gigs with Gilbert and he collected syrup packets from breakfast. He said that Gilbert has plenty of money and he's not sure why he does that so it must be some kind of psychosis. He said he still lives in the same apartment he's been in for years.
Jon asked if they can ever get a straight answer out of him. Gary said he's very private and he doesn't give much up. Gary said he thought it was odd that Gilbert left his kids alone in the house that one time. He said it can happen but Gilbert wasn't upset about it at all. He said that was really strange.
Another caller said Gilbert sucks and he's not sure why they love this guy. Gary said some people don't like him but he thought today he was very funny. The caller said that interview Howard did was awful but he was okay in the news. The guy said Gilbert sounded like a fuckin' idiot in that interview. Gary said that's Gilbert though and that's what they get.
Gary said Gilbert didn't even ask about Artie in the green room. He said it was another strange moment with him in the green room.
Another caller said he thought Gilbert was hilarious today. He said they need him in there more often. He said he's looking forward to Tracey's show too. Gary said he's looking forward to that as well. The guy asked if Gilbert can come in whenever he wants. Gary said he can but if someone comes in too much they over do it and might not be allowed to come back. He said that Gilbert has an open door policy to some degree.
Jon asked Gary about the reporter that was in there for Robin and how she dealt with that. Gary said it might have been tough for her with Gilbert in there today.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gilbert is the best guest they have but he's only on like once a year now. Gary said he has him in when Gilbert calls. He said there's no other reason than that.
Jon said JD got a call from Ashley last night and they're not sure how that went. He said Howard gave JD some advice and wondered if that's how the date is going to go. Gary said JD swears he's different when he's not under pressure from the microphones. Gary said he doesn't believe that though. Jon said that he is going to give it a shot so you have to give him that.
Jon also talked about the Johnny Depp advice that Howard gave to JD. Gary said that JD was talking about it looking so uncomfortable and not thinking about how good it looked. Gary said some people can pull off a look even if you're not good looking. He said he's not saying JD is bad looking.
Gary said that Benjy has a look. He said he liked it when he was doing the Darrell Hammond look with all black pants, shirt and shoes. He said they also see him with the inside out sweatshirt though.
Benjy said Howard thinks he's an interesting dresser and he looks good most of the time. Jon said they need to get Sal in there to talk about this because he's always observing.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he met JD one time and he was a little more talkative than on the air. He said he's not stupid but he was better off the air. He's not sure he'd get together with Ashley Dupre though. Gary said it would be great if he showed up in the paper with Ashley.
Benjy said he thinks that Ashley enjoyed the show and she might be getting a lot of love from the fans. He said that maybe she'd turn into a Jessica Hahn type and get in with the show.
Gary said that if anyone sees JD and Ashley having hot chocolate, help JD out and tell him that you're a big fan to help him out. The caller suggested they get a famous guy to call JD while he's on the date and have JD blow the person off so he looks cool. Gary said they could do that. They had to go to break after that.
Jason said that you have to be disappointed when you get a necklace for your birthday. Jason said no dude wants that. Gary said Jason may not want it but maybe Howard was happy with it. Jason said that Howard may really appreciate it but he finds it hard to get excited over something like that.
Jason said that his wife doesn't get him a lot that he likes. He said he has to preened that he likes it. Jason said that she may not know him as well as he knows her. Jason said his wife got him a fake newspaper with all of the articles that the Yankees won the world series. He said he liked it but didn't get excited. He said he got her some DVDs and pajamas from Victoria's Secret. He said that he pretended to be excited but he's never going to look at that thing again.
Jason said his wife got him something else too. It was a really bad video game. He said he got a menorah one year. Jason said he's not a religious guy and he's not sure why she thought he'd like that. Jon said he would have smashed him over the head if he did that to him. Gary and Jon said that he sounds like a dick. Jason said that she doesn't listen to the show but he'll tell her about this tonight. He said he loves her and he always tells her that he doesn't want any gifts. She gets him stuff anyway.
Jason said he doesn't want to tell his wife what to get. He said if he's going to do that then he'll just go out and buy it himself. He said his wife will ask for stuff and he won't get her what she wants. He's trying to be spontaneous.
Jon said that Jason has been very happy since the medical marijuana bill passed. He said that Jason came dancing into the offices on Tuesday morning when the news came through about it. Jason said he doesn't do illegal drugs so he's happy about this.
Gary said that this is no different than alcohol and it's going to be even harder for kids to get it. He said that people think that it's going to make it easier but it's really not. He said DePace thinks that it's a gateway drug so he's upset about the whole thing.
Ralph called in and said that Jason really does sound like a dick on many levels. He said he might want to check his levels of meds. He said that he's bad mouthing his wife on the air and he sounds like an ingrate and a dick. Jason said he's married so he must be doing something right. Gary said that Ralph is the most grateful person in the world. Ralph said he would never bad mouth a gift on the air.
Jason said he'll just lie next time. Ralph said no one even asked him. Gary said that's true, Jason just offered it up.
Jason thanked Ralph for the wedding gift. He didn't say what he was referring to though. Jon asked Ralph if he didn't get him a gift. Ralph said that he still has the gift in the bank but he's sure he won't like it if he does give it to him. Jason said that it's been a year and 3 months since the wedding. Ralph said he keeps meaning to but he forgets. Ralph said he would like to go to Jason's house to give him the gift but the last time he went there he got bitten by his dog.
Jason said he wasn't trying to upset his wife with this. He said he didn't want to say that she doesn't put any thought into her gifts. He said he's feeling bad about it now and he's second guessing himself. Jon said that Jason gets really involved in giving gifts and he gets disappointed when someone else doesn't do that. Benjy said they don't know that she's really excited about the gifts she's getting.
Jon said he saw that a very angry Scott DePace was in there. Scott came in and said that he never said anything about a gateway drug. He said it's a ''stepping stone'' and not a ''gateway.'' Gary said he thought it was the same thing.
Scott went on to say that he thinks that the medical marijuana thing has been abused and it's not a good thing to have it legalized. Gary asked Scott if he thinks that his kids are going to have a hard time getting pot. Scott said it wasn't easy when he was a kid. He said he had a hard time finding it but when he did, he would sell it.
Gary said he never found it hard to get pot. Scott said that pot isn't the problem. He said that changing the law isn't a good thing in his opinion. He said that alcohol is even worse. Scott said he doesn't want to live in a world where everyone is smoking pot because they get lazy. He said that alcohol is not great but why add another one to the problem.
Gary said he doesn't smoke pot and hasn't in a long time. He said he thinks that the law is a good thing because there are people who need it badly. Scott said that they're going to give it to anyone so they have to do it the right way and make sure people like Jason don't get it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the confidence pills are making Jason delusional. He said a DVD and pajamas aren't creative. Jason said she loves that stuff, or claims to anyway. The caller said that he's making it sound like they're creative gifts but they're really not. Jason said when you put it like that then he does feel bad. He said he's sorry about that stuff he said earlier.
Jason said that Gary gives him the best gifts. He got a TiVo, a Slingbox and a Harmony One remote over the past few years and they're the best.
Jason said he'd prefer a GameStop gift card or something like that instead of her buying him a game. Jason said he wants a new game that's coming out and she doesn't know what he likes. Jason said that he would prefer that she not buy him anything but she does it anyway. He said he's sorry that he's saying all of this and doesn't want to upset his wife. He said he will start thinking like 6 months before Christmas about what he's going to get her. He said he'd rather just buy her something an not have her tell him what to buy her.
JD came in so Jon asked him about his date with Ashley. Gary asked if he wanted them to have a celebrity call him during the date. JD seemed to like the idea. Gary said he knows someone who was at a strip club and had a friend call so it appeared that Chris Rock was calling him on his cell phone. JD said he knows who that is and he'd love to be able to tell who it was.
JD said he doesn't want to fake the kind of clothes he wears on a date. He said he knows that he can sort of look good in and he hopes he looks okay on the date. JD said he knows he's not dressed very well today. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show singing along to his opening theme song. He said he's not sure why it wasn't a hit. He brought up Conan O'Brien and said that he's thinking of going out to the West Coast next week. He said he's been so busy lately he hasn't had time to go home and just relax. He said he's a little discombobulated this morning.
Howard said his agent called and said that they got a call from Conan and the Tonight Show to come on out and do the show next week. Howard said he thinks that Conan knows it'll be great and he wants to go out with a bang. Howard said that Conan has invited him before but he hates flying and he wouldn't usually do it. He said it would be something else to go out there.
Howard said he'd like to go on and talk to Conan about this whole thing. He said what really annoys him is that Jay Leno has had it in for Conan this whole time. He said Jay crapped all over Conan and now Conan must see that.
Howard said lead in for a show on TV is very important. He said Jay had lead ins that helped him get ratings. He said the mood seems to be that everyone hates Jay. He said that they all seem to think that he's the devil. Howard said they're all goofing on Jay on the late night shows.
Robin wondered why Jay went on and did this show that looked like a public access show. Howard said people like to see big shows in prime time and it's like Jay knew that this show was going to fail and he took away all of Conan's thunder taking over the Tonight Show. Howard said Conan is out now.
Howard said Conan must feel like he was stabbed in the back like Letterman felt he was stabbed in the back. Everyone is hating Jay now.
Gary told Howard that it's interesting and he would play it if he were Howard. Howard said he's curious to hear what she has to say.
Howard played the Rosie O'Donnell audio where she talked about doing Leno a few years ago. She explained how Brandon Tartikof asked her to host Friday nights on the Tonight Show and she was thrilled to go out and do it. She said that Jay didn't have great ratings when he first started out. She said that Brandon called her after they tried to work out the deal and told her that Jay doesn't want to take that one day off. Rosie said she didn't know why he wouldn't let her do one day. She wondered if Jay was afraid of losing the show. Howard said that's exactly what it was.
Rosie went on to talk about how she got a call from Jay and he told her he never would have had them ask her to do the show if he had known about it. She said he was apologizing to her for the whole thing. Rosie said she didn't do the show for years and years after that.
Howard said this sounded similar to what happened with him and Jay. Rosie went on to talk about how Jay is holding on to this thing so desperately. She said that Conan worked for NBC for 17 years and now Jay is doing this to him and taking that show back from her. Rosie said that Jay's 10pm show was pathetically lame and Conan would have been fine if he had a better lead in. Howard said she's right about that too.
Howard said he would sit down with Conan and not even goof around with him. He said he would have a serious discussion with him about this whole thing.
Rosie was talking about how robotic Jay Leno is and how Conan is trying to do new things on his show. She said that Conan deserves to be given a chance on that show. Rosie said that they should have told Jay to go find something to do instead of taking this chance away from Conan. Rosie said it's really shitty of Jay to do this to Conan.
Howard said comedians really hate Jay. He said he likes this whole thing. He said he doesn't feel so alone in his hatred of Jay now.
Rosie was saying that she hopes that Conan makes NBC pay for this whole thing and takes them for all he can. Howard said she's right about that too. He said Conan is getting canned and his whole career could be over for this thing.
Robin wondered where Jay was and if he was hiding so he doesn't have to hear this. Howard said this stuff just rolls off of Jay's giant head.
Rosie was doing her impression of Jay and goofing on him on her show. She said that Jay doesn't even see why this is wrong and he should just let go of the tow rope. She said he's desperately holding on to it.
Howard said this all reminds him of what Jay did with Stuttering John and how he didn't care about stealing someone from his show behind his back. Howard said he wouldn't have stood in the way if John wanted the job but Jay went behind his back and did it. He does everything sneaky and wants everyone to be his friend.
Rosie was talking about how Jay had a good lead in for his Tonight Show and that's why he was doing so well. She said that Conan never had that chance because his lead in was Jay Leno's awful show. Rosie said that the idiots at NBC let Leno stay and they ruined it. Rosie also pointed out that Leno does a lot of lame bits and he steals many of them from Howard Stern.
Howard said she's right about that too and Jay has stolen bits from his show. Jay Walking is one of the bits he stole. Howard said Jay claims that Steve Allen did those bits and that's where they got them from. Howard said he told Jay that's not the case and he knows that he stole them. He said Jay is a creep and he would never do anything to help him.
Howard said if he agrees to go on Conan next week they'll either fire Conan or they'll tell him not to come. He said he should bring Rosie and Patton Oswalt on with him when he goes on. He can bring on Sandra Bernhard on so she can talk about Jay Leno tying her up and stuff like that.
Rosie was talking about Jay stealing Howard's bits and how lame Jay is. She said that he's 60 years old and he should have learned it by now that everyone has to retire. She said that maybe everyone but Madonna and Oprah Winfrey have to retire.
Howard said Jay is a scumbag and he agrees with Rosie on most of that stuff. He said part of him says that Conan should have been able to get the ratings but then he does agree that the lead in is very important. Robin said that Conan came into an environment that was different than everyone else. She said that he had a tougher time with the lead in than anyone else.
Robin said the whole thing started with shenanigans because Conan was saying he had to have the Tonight Show. She said that's fine because Jay stole the show from someone else too.
Howard said if Conan did the show in New York he'd be there in a minute. He said that he appreciates Conan offering him the chance to come on. He's thinking about doing it but he's not sure if he will.
Howard said he'd like to go on and talk to Conan seriously about the situation. He said he wants to know if any of the executives are talking to him or not. He said that Conan should do this on his own show and get it out there. Howard said he wants to know who told him this and who fired him. He said he'd like to know who the point guy was in the whole thing.
Howard said he would ask Conan about how he feels about Jay for real. He said he had a brilliant line about him in a monologue from last night he thinks. He said Conan said that his dream as a kid was to host the Tonight Show and said something about the 7 months he had to host it.
JD had come in with some information about the Conan clips. Howard said he got some email about JD going out with Ashley Dupre and one person said that JD is too good for Ashley and he shouldn't be so worried about this date. Howard said JD could dress a little better than he usually does though.
Howard played the Conan joke where he says his dream was to host the Tonight Show when he was a kid. Conan says he thought about hosting the show for his whole life. Conan said kids can do anything they want to do in life... unless Jay Leno wants to do it too. Howard said that's funny but it's not enough. He said he should really tell everyone how he feels.
Howard said if he were Conan he would sit down on a stool and tell everyone what's going on. He said they should throw out the format and just sit down and talk. Howard said they should interview the lawyer who didn't put in the time slot he was supposed to be in. They left that out of his contract.
Howard said he'd love to do the show but he doesn't want to fly. Robin said they should drive. Howard said if she goes with him then he'll drive. Howard said someone suggested a satellite link but that always turns out lame. He said he wants to sit down with Conan and look him in the eye. He said he wants to talk to Andy about being a jinx on the show too. Howard said he'll run to Andy an pink belly him to watch his tits flop around.
Howard said he's predicted that Stuttering John will continue to have a job with Jay. He said Jay will keep him around because of everything that went down with them.
Howard played more of the Conan stuff and Conan was doing his Jay impression. Conan also joked about how 83 percent of voters in a poll said they want him to stay on at 11:30. Howard said he wants him to stay and he doesn't even watch that shit.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has to go on the show. He said he should get a Jay Leno look alike and bring him out. Howard said he wants to have a real conversation with Conan and not just goof around.
Robin said this would be TV history if he went out and did that. Howard said he's not even sure if the show would get on the air. He said he was escorted off the Arsenio Hall show one time and he doesn't think he could take that again. Howard talked about that incident and how awful that was. He was escorted out by two armed guards.
Some people think that Gilbert is just too much to take. Howard said he loves the guy on the show. The caller said he does too and he hasn't laughed that hard in a long time. He said his girlfriend closed the door on him because he was laughing too much.
Howard said he loves when Gilbert does the old Groucho routine. Howard said the beauty is that you have to just go with it if you like it. He said you can't care if anyone else likes it.
Howard read some mail about Herschel Walker and people seemed to love that interview. Howard said people liked hearing from his sister the other day too. He read some of that email and people were asking for more Ellen. Howard said there's only enough room for one Stern on those channels.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he could do a satellite interview. Howard said he doesn't want to do a satellite thing because it's hard to take control or do his thing. The caller said he could goof on Jay too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he should do the Conan show and he'd love to see it. He said he'd have kids just to be able to tell them about this moment and he's not even planning on having kids. Howard said he's almost tempted to get on a plane to do the show. He said he has a commitment to do this show though. Howard said it would be fun out there.
Howard said he really does want to do this. Robin said that it would be good promotion for SIRIUS too. Howard said he's done this kind of thing before and he's not sure he wants to go there to ruin the set. He said he would like to take his cock out and piss on the desk or something. He said he could even shit on the desk.
Howard said he'd like to be able to go out there and talk about how much he hated Jay Leno and Johnny Carson too. He said it's all so stupid though that he doesn't really care. Howard said Obama has called in 30,000 more troops and people are all worked up about late night TV.
Howard said he's going to try and call the guy who streaked with his name on his ass at the football game. He said that guy is named Lork.
Howard said that in 1980 Pat Robertson claimed that the world was going to end in 1982. You know someone is a fake when they claim God told them something.
Howard said Haiti is this poor country and bad things happen there all the time. Howard said people from Haiti are always trying to get to this country to get out of that place. The caller said that Christians are supposed to be loving of people and not doing what this Pat Robertson is doing.
Howard had some audio of Pat Robertson talking about the earthquake in Haiti. Pat said that it maybe a blessing in disguise for the country. He said that it would be a massive rebuilding of the country and it may be a good thing. Howard said Pat sounds like he's taking a dump whenever he talks.
In another clip Pat talks about the people of Haiti making a pact with the devil to get out of control of Napoleon. Pat's people were all yessing him as he talked about it. Howard said this is a childish conversation the guy is having. Howard played more of it and Pat was saying that the Haitian have been cursed by one thing after another since that pact with the devil. Pat said that the Dominican Republic is in the same area and they don't have these tragedies.
Howard said the explanation is that they made this deal with Satan and now they're suffering on earth because they didn't side with God. Howard said these are the same people who don't want evolution taught in schools. Howard said that the Dominican Republic doesn't do that well either so he's not sure what Pat is talking about.
Howard said Pat Robertson is dangerous and there are a lot of people who listen to Pat and think he's telling the truth.
Howard said some people were saying that Simon had a bad attitude on the show but he didn't see that. Howard said he enjoys when Simon speaks and makes his comments. Howard said Simon is leaving the show and he's starting his own called ''The X Factor'' and he thinks that Idol is going to go away. He said Simon is the best part of the show and they will probably go away without him.
Howard had Jeff Jarvis on the phone. Jeff said he gave Jay Leno a bad review of his premiere show and he got a phone call from him. Jeff said Jay asked if he didn't like the show and what it was he didn't like. Jeff said he told him it was boring and Jay asked him what it was that was boring. Jeff said he had to keep telling him he just didn't like the show. Jeff said Jay lives in this little world of his own and he doesn't understand it when someone doesn't like it.
Jeff told Howard that he has to do the Tonight Show. Howard said he does have to be there for the subscribers of SIRIUS so he's not sure if he'll go out and do it.
Jeff told Howard he doesn't think he needs that many subscribers to do his own show on the internet without the company behind him. Howard said he's not sure what he's going to do after this and he hasn't put that much thought into it. Howard said he knows that they could do stuff on the internet and he wouldn't need a distribution system. Jeff said he'd have full control over it all and the money would go straight into his pocket. Howard said it is appealing to him and he is excited to think about stuff like that.
Howard said in 20 or 30 years people won't need to go to NBC, CBS or ABC. Jeff said that's right and NBC is already dying. They sold out to Comcast.
Howard said he used to love the networks because everyone was watching shows on those channels. He said people would talk about the shows they were watching and it was kind of cool. Howard said he could take his audience to the internet but they still need the networks around. He said that they're killing it though.
Howard said he's been asked to go back to terrestrial radio but he doesn't want to do that. He said he doesn't have to meet with the censors anymore or people like Tom Chiusano. Howard said he loves being on the censor free airways. Howard said he's dreamt of places like this. Howard said he thinks that if they could build up satellite they'd have a place for future broadcasters to do shows.
Jeff said that's great but they shouldn't tie the radio to the satellites and they should let them do their thing on iPods and products like that. Howard said he thinks they get that now and they're trying to get their content on other places. Howard said they can't put NFL and things like that on other products like that.
Jeff said he has the new Google phone and he's been trying to get Howard's show through the internet on that. Howard said it may happen some day but there are some contractual issues about it now.
Jeff told Howard that his fans don't want him to retire this year. Howard said he hasn't been thinking about it and he doesn't really care at this point. He said he'll see what happens. He said that his agent will eventually talk to them and see if they should stick around. Howard said he's not sure why broadcasters wouldn't want this thing to succeed because it will have a place for other people to work.
Howard let Jeff get in some plugs for his web site BuzzMachine.com and his book ''What Would Google Do.''
Jon Hein came in and talked about the Leno show and how he's making money with the show no matter what happens. He said that Leno had all of his bases covered with that show and he doesn't worry about his bad ratings or anything.
Howard said he's not sure why anyone would want to stay there when NBC is making them look so bad. Jon said Jay is living for this kind of thing. He can literally do no wrong for them.
Howard said if Conan is going on Letterman then he doesn't need to do Conan's show. He said it would be the same kind of concept. Robin said it won't go where Howard would go with Conan. Howard asked when Conan is going on Letterman. He said that all plays on whether or not he goes on Conan's show. Howard said maybe he could go on Dave's show and talk to Conan there.
Howard said he has a lot going on there but he has to take a break before getting to it. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that this guy Lork is the guy who streaked the other night during the college football game. He said that there were pictures in the paper and he saw that he had the Howard Stern logo on his ass. Lork said that he had a good time doing that. Howard said that Lork wore a super hero outfit and he was promoting a web site and on his butt he had the Howard Stern Show logo.
Howard said he thought Lork got on TV but the cameras had actually cut away. Howard asked if he was upset that he didn't get on TV. Lork said it was all good and he didn't care. He said he and his boys have been watching Howard since the WOR days. He said they were trying to figure out a way to get on the show and this is what they did to do that.
Lork said they've been listening to the show since the AM days. Howard said streaking seems like a white boy kind of thing. Lork just said he and his buddies wanted to do something and his buddy told him that niggas don't streak. He said he didn't care and he was willing to do it.
Howard asked Lork what he does for a living and found out that he's 39 years old, out of work, and he lives in Florida. He used to live in New York City and he was raised in New Jersey. Howard said he would imagine that he had to be very nervous when he jumped onto the field. Lork said it was crazy man.
Lork told Howard how he worked the whole thing out and how he disguised his uniform. He said he hid it under a bunch of shirts and no one really noticed. Howard asked what his message was supposed to be. Lork said college football is awful and they call the BCS ''the cartel.''
Howard had to try and figure out what the guy was talking about. Lork said that the NCAA is run by a company and not by the NCAA itself. Gary said that they don't have a playoff system in the NCAA and people wants to have a clear cut winner instead of the bowl games.
Howard said he knows the tickets are expensive so how did he get them? Lork said he charged then on his credit card. Howard thanked him for adding him into his protest. He asked what happened after he got arrested. Lork said it was hilarious. He said he had to hide his face when he ran out there because he didn't want to get killed by the hillbillies out there watching the game.
Lork said he knows he looked like a ghetto bumble bee when he ran out there. He has to go to court next month on the 11th to see what they're going to do to him. Howard said he doesn't seem too worried about it. He said that's his glaucoma medicine helping with that. He said that everyone has glaucoma these days.
Lork told Howard about his web site, DaHoneyHouse.com, and joked around with Howard about the Haiti situation. He said he read they have looters down there and wondered what they're stealing, taxi licenses?
Howard told Lork that was quite a costume he had at the game. He said he just wanted to thank him for trying to advertise his show out there. He said that the pictures made it to the internet so that's good even though he didn't get on TV.
Lork talked about what it was like being in jail with the hillbillies. He said that the guys that were in the cell with him knew that he was the streaker. He said he was put in there with his costume on so they knew who he was. He said they thought he was a star. Howard gave Lork another plug for his web site and wrapped up with him a short time later.
Eric said he heard that JD wasn't going to be recording it anyway. Howard said he would have had it recorded. Eric said he had some suggestions for Howard going on Conan. He said he could do Thursday or Friday so he wouldn't miss his radio show. Howard said he doesn't want it going into his weekend though. He said he'd rather get out of work and leave on maybe Tuesday so he doesn't miss his days off.
Robin said that maybe Eric could hang out with Howard. Eric got in a plug for an appearance he's making at the Fantasy Island club next month. He said it's a strip club he's been to before. He also got in a plug for the show he's doing with Bob Levy tomorrow night in Stockton, California.
Howard played some audio of Eric's Idol show from last year on the JFSC. They had a few technical issues with that show. Lots of audio issues and echoing. Howard said ''Boy I miss that show...'' He told Eric he has to bring the show back. Eric said he might. He said he has to work out the technical problems. Eric said that the microphone is set up differently and he has to get that worked out. Howard told him not to fix the tech problems and just do it the way he did it last year.
Howard played some more audio and said it sounded like landing on the moon. Sal said that Eric has been working hard on his stand-up act and calling Shuli with some of his jokes. Howard asked Eric to tell some of the jokes but Eric said he didn't want to give any away. Sal said he heard that he was telling Shuli some of the jokes but Eric said he wasn't going to do that. He said he didn't even tell Shuli those jokes.
Sal said if people hear some of the jokes the might be more inclined to go see him. Eric said he's supposed to do an interview with Shuli today sometime. Howard cut him off and thanked him for the call.
Lisa G got back to her news preview and said that JD claims he had to go on his meds after watching Eric's show.
Howard said there's a lot going on there and Lisa G is part of it. He said she gets excited for this staff photo they take and she dresses so she'll stand out. Howard said they did the group photo the other day on his birthday. He said Scott Greenstein came in and got them started. He said the show had gone long and he just wanted to go back and chill for a few minutes. Howard said Gary came in and told him it was group photo time and Scott told him to stand in the front. He said he didn't want to be there in the front. He wanted to be in the group.
Howard said Lisa loves to be in the front. He said she times it so she gets in there to be in the front. Howard said she came in and Jason jumped in front of her when the snapped the picture. He said that you just see her little head in the picture. Howard said Lisa flipped out on Jason.
Howard asked Jason what the threat was that she made to him. Howard said Lisa was so pissed off and no one should even care because he won't let it be released. He said that he looks dead and bizarre. Howard said they were talking about Photoshopping him in from the year before.
Jason said that Lisa told him that what he did to her was hateful and if he didn't back off then she'd get third parties involved. Lisa said it's not just about that picture, it's about other stuff and it's enough. Jason said that he's gotten into it on the air but he's not sure what she's talking about. Lisa said that he doesn't listen to the stuff that she's said to him over the years. She said that he was thinking about this all morning and it was creepy to her. She said it's supposed to be a nice event.
Gary asked Lisa what else Jason has done to her. Lisa said Jason has done stuff on the air about her that she doesn't like but she didn't remember the specifics. Jason remembers what they were but he wasn't going to remind her.
Lisa said that it was jerky of Jason to do that to her. Howard said he can't believe she's upset about this. He just got in front of her in the picture. Gary asked if she's going to go to Human Resources. She said she wasn't going to do that. She said maybe Tim Sabean.
Howard heard that Lisa told Gilbert to fuck off yesterday. He asked Ronnie what happened there. Ronnie said Gilbert wanted to take home a cupcake and he asked Lisa to get him something to put the cupcake in to take it home. Lisa said no. Ronnie said that he was walking by and hear it all so he said that there were containers and gave Gilbert one. Ronnie said Gilbert thanked him for helping him and pointed out that Lisa didn't help. Then Lisa told him to go fuck himself. Ronnie said everyone was laughing and Lisa didn't get why they found it funny. Lisa said she didn't say it the way Ronnie said. She said she just asked why they found it funny.
Howard said Ronnie's beard is over colored and it's looking weird. Ronnie said he likes it. Howard said Ronnie is throwing a party... Ronnie cut him off and stopped him from saying anything. Howard said he didn't know that it was a secret.
Ronnie said that Lisa reported about Benjy's girlfriend at the party and she got the story wrong. He said she said that Lisa reported it as him laying on top of Benjy's girlfriend and that's not what the story was. Lisa said she doesn't remember all of those stories.
Howard asked Lisa about what Jason has done to her that has her so upset. Jason said that he doesn't like to be threatened on the air like she's been doing.
Ronnie said that the green room outside the compound is against the wall where the news room is and he heard Lisa say ''I want to go!'' when Howard was talking about going on the Tonight Show. Lisa said of course she wants to go. She said that they want the news out there for it. Ronnie said they need someone to report it right so they should send Steve Langford.
The guys talked more about Jason and Lisa. Lisa said that Jason is out of control and he says a lot of mean stuff. She said she gets upset with him. Howard asked her for examples of what Jason has done to her. Lisa said he put something on his Facebook page about her and he called him out on that. Jason didn't even remember that one.
Jason said that Lisa was the last one to walk into the studio for the picture because she watched to be in the front row. He said that she's the one who is obsessed because she drew Beth's ring just to draw it.
Gary came in and said that one of the things that Lisa might be upset about is something Jason said about her being old and being passed by in her career. Lisa said she doesn't like what Ronnie does to her either. Ronnie said they all take that kind of shit there all the time.
Jason said he didn't know that standing in front of Lisa was going to be the end of their relationship. He said that he also goofs on her cookies and she might be upset about that. Jason said the cookies she usually makes are good but the ones she sells aren't. Lisa said they're very good.
Ronnie told Lisa to just laugh this stuff off. He said she can't take it so seriously. Lisa said that it doesn't bother her. Ronnie said that they can see it in her face that she gets so bent. He said that they're all watching her and see that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jason is a nerd who has been picked on all his life and now he's picking on weak Lisa. He said he likes her on the news but he's surprised that Jason jumping in front of Lisa didn't block everyone.
Howard said Jason went back to the Howard TV room and Scott DePace was in the middle of arguing with Doug Goodstein. He said that Scott was arguing that Jews are more allergic to things than anyone else. Howard said Jason heard that and Scott said ''Look, you... what allergies do you have?'' Jason said he didn't have any and Scott said ''yeah, right.''
Scott said he knows a lot of Jews and they're allergic to a lot of things. He said it's just an observation. He said that Doug is very allergic to things and that's what he was going by. Scott said it was just an observation.
Howard said he thinks that Scott is allergic to Jews. Scott said that Howard has said that Blacks are built differently than whits. Howard said he doesn't remember saying that. Scott said they were talking about how black people are more into God during the Wrap Up Show yesterday.
Howard asked about that and Benjy said that blacks tend to be more religious than the general population. Howard didn't want to get into it with Benjy. Benjy went on and on about it anyway. He was telling Howard he's read polls about how black people are more religious.
Howard asked Scott about the Jewish allergy thing and Scott said he's noticed that, especially in the spring. He said that he knows a lot of Jews and a lot of them have allergies. Scott asked Howard if he's allergic to anything. Howard said he's not but Scott was saying that Lisa has hay fever. Jason said Will has it too and he's not Jewish.
Howard told Scott he's insane. Scott said there is a gene that they test for and if they find it they say that they have more of a chance of getting breast cancer. Scott said that they say that a lot of Jewish women have that gene.
Howard asked Lisa if she had anything else. Lisa said that Jackie has made a statement that he won't accept any invitation to do the Stern Show and he won't do it out of respect for Artie. Robin said he's glad they've taken it out of their hands. Howard said he likes how Jackie respects Artie but not them. Jackie walked off the show and didn't respect them at all. Howard said he likes that Jackie is thinking of other people. Howard let Lisa go and went to break.
Howard asked Robin if she thinks that David Hasselhoff was fired from America's Got Talent. Robin said that could be what happened. Howard said that David has been a mess so who knows what happened there. He said that maybe they didn't like his drinking.
Howard said they had Mary J Blige on American Idol the other night and he thinks that she should be on that show as a regular judge because she knows what she's talking about. He said that some of these other guest judges have no business being there.
Howard said he heard that Robin likes to go out dancing at clubs. Robin said she doesn't go out just to dance. Howard said she's a good dancer too. He said he's seen her dance and she's good. Howard ended up dancing to a song that Fred played. He said Benjy likes his dancing. Benjy said it makes everyone feel good when he dances.
Howard said he heard that Medicated Pete lied to him and he's not even sure why. Howard said he asked Pete to tell him the truth but he's not sure what he's doing. He said he likes Pete but he's not sure what he's doing.
Pete came in and said that it was just something he didn't know how to approach. Howard told Pete that he's his friend and he doesn't have to lie to him. Pete ended up repeating ''yeah'' after Howard would say it.
Howard asked Pete if he went on a date. Pete said he did. He said they went to a lounge and they had drinks. Howard did the ''yeah'' thing for a minute with Pete and he was repeating after him every time. Howard said he could do that all day long. He kept it going for a short time and Pete was repeating after every word he'd say.
Howard wanted to know why Pete lied to him. He asked if he was trying to impress him with the making out thing. Pete said he was embarrassed and he was trying to impress him. Howard said Pete went out in the hall and told everyone he lied. He didn't understand that. Pete said he didn't want to be embarrassed. He said he wanted to seem like a big man in Howard's eyes. He wanted to feel he was making some progress. Howard told Pete he doesn't have to lie to him.
Howard asked Pete if he's spoken to this girl. Pete said he has and he's asked her out too. Howard told him he doesn't have to lie to him. Pete said ''yeah'' so Howard got started with that again.
Robin asked Pete what she says when he asks her out. Howard answered for him and said she says ''no.'' Howard said he's not judging Pete and he doesn't have to lie to him. Pete said he's doing the best he can. Robin and Howard said they know that but they can't help him if he lies to them.
Howard said Pete was so guilt ridden that he was worried about everything. Pete said he felt really bad about the whole thing.
Howard said they had audio of Pete lying so he got to that. Howard played that clip and Pete told the Howard TV camera that he had to tell Howard that the kiss didn't happen. It was all fabricated for radio. Pete said the whole thing was getting to him. Pete said he lied because he viewed it as part of the show and part of the concept of the show. Pete said he didn't want to bring personal stuff on to what happened. He said he didn't mention any names so he should be fine with that. Pete was saying that it was all a part of the show and juicy stuff for the show.
Howard said Pete said he had lied to make the show better. Howard said all he could hear was Ronnie yelling in the hall in that clip. He asked if that's what happens out there all the time. He said he always hears Ronnie fighting and arguing out there. Ronnie came in and said he was telling Pete to stop stalling and just tell them he was lying.
Howard said Pete was saying he wanted to do it for the show but now he's saying he lied because he wanted to be a big man. He asked Pete which one it was. Pete said it was to be one of the guys.
Ronnie said Evan the engineer knew that Pete was lying because he has a tell. He'll look at the floor when he lies. He said Evan grilled him about it and found out he was lying. Ronnie said he was going to come back in and tell Howard but he stalled until the show was over. Ronnie said Pete was almost in tears over the whole thing.
Howard heard that Pete even called Steve the intern about it on Monday night. Howard asked if he's afraid he's going to lose this girl. Pete said that's an interesting question. Howard bailed on the whole thing when he heard that. He told Pete to get back to work but gave him some more ''Yeah's'' as he was leaving. Howard said that poor guy can't even get laid. He said they all knew he was lying though.
Howard said he had a homeless game to play. He gave the guy a sample question they asked of this homeless woman who claimed she was a doctor and a lawyer. They asked ''What did John Hinkley do?'' and she answered ''He read.''
The caller defended Howard over the people who complain about him ending the show before 11. He said that his contract goes to 10 and he understands that. Howard said he's going to leave at 10 today but he knows people are going to complain. The caller said they don't know that he's only supposed to be on at 10. Howard said even Tim Sabean wanted to know why he was ending the show early.
Howard got to the game and said the caller was playing for $711 from 7-Eleven. Here are the questions:
Fred thought he found the call the caller was talking about. He played the call which was audio clips of Richard Simmons calling a guy. They had Richard telling him that he was his daughter Cheryl. Howard wondered why the guy didn't understand some of the stuff Richard was saying.
Howard said the songs don't rhyme and they're not singing songs that are good like The Beatles. Howard said there is no point to the songs in those plays. He did a Groucho Marx impression like Gilbert Gottfried was doing yesterday and said that was making as much sense as these plays. Howard said his father is like that Groucho that Gilbert was doing. He said his father talks about things that happened ''back in his day.''
Sal said he liked what Gilbert said about waking up. He said that his wife drags him to those awful plays too. He said that was back when he was making money though. Sal said he'd drink a ton of wine to help him get through the play. He said she dragged him to Evita one time. He said he was watching that garbage and this big fat head was in front of him. He said he wanted to go to sleep and this guy was cheering through the whole thing. He said he was cheering it on and he saw the guy in the lobby and it turned out it was Vinnie Favale.
Sal said he went to another play and tried to take pictures of Mary Poppins underwear one time. Howard said he liked Lion King. He said he'd rather not go to Broadway though. Howard said he doesn't need to see that stuff to know what it's like.
Howard said he can come up with songs just like they come up with in plays. He said they talk through the songs and Robert Goulet is the guy who started that. Howard sang some songs that they could sing in Camelot. Sal said they should do a Baba Booey play. Howard ended up singing a song as Baba Booey but cut himself off so he could get back to his discussion.
Howard said he got home last night and wanted to watch Idol. He said Beth was out with her friends at dinner by this time. He said he was sitting at home alone and it was time to go to bed. He said Beth got home around 10 and she woke him up. He said they're in this tiny bed so it's easy to wake him. Howard said he was up and Beth said she wanted to get into bed with him because she missed him. Howard said he asked if she was drunk. Howard said he was up but it was kind of sweet of her.
Howard said he was wide awake by then and he told Beth not to be sorry. He said he was thrilled she was there and that she loves being with him. He said he gets really aggravated though. Howard said he was up until about 11:30. He said he can see why Artie was so depressed. He said that these morning hours are horrible.
Vinnie Favale called in and said that Sal was just as into that play as he was. Vinnie said they were both there and they were both guilty. Howard asked when his play, Hereafter, is coming out. Vinnie said they'll be doing a show in March. He said he's lost some money in the play so far. He's invested probably $80,000 in the past 5 years. Robin said he had this thing set up before the holidays and they had a blizzard the night of that. Vinnie got in a plug for his web site HereafterMusical.com.
Howard asked Vinnie how Dave is doing. Vinnie said that his connection just got bad. Howard wondered if Dave wanted him to be on or not. Vinnie said he's not sure. Howard said he just got the offer from Conan to go on. Vinnie said he had to go because people were looking at him on the bus.
Howard asked Greg what he did to his nail. He said it was looking bruised. Greg told Howard that he was building a tree fort and got hurt a lot. He said that he's been shaving his head lately too. He said Scott the Engineer has lost some weight and he's out there smiling and happy. He said he doesn't like a happy Scott.
Greg said that he built this tree fort and he kept hitting his head on tree limbs and stuff. He said that when you lose your hair you don't have an antenna up there anymore. Howard said it's fantastic that he still has his hair. He said he could never pull of that bald look if he lost his hair. He said he could never do the toupee thing either.
Greg said he should have started doing the toupee thing 10 years ago. Howard said he shouldn't do that. Greg said that he'd like to be known for wearing a toupee. Greg said you need a good one because it's like bad implants or a bad nose job. Howard said he had his nose fixed but he was wondering why he did that if no one was going to notice. He said it really didn't make much difference.
Greg said that if he were a plastic surgeon he would tell the women that wanted implants that they had to do like 10,000 sit-ups first. He said they have to look good. Howard said that doctors should only do liposuction o thin women who just need a little work and not on the fatso's.
Greg said that he's on some medications but he didn't want to say what they were. He said people ask him what he's on in email and he tells them to go see a shrink. He said that they need to figure out what is right for them.
Howard asked Greg if he suffers from clinical depression. Greg said everyone in his family has had depression. He said that it runs in the Irish a lot.
Howard asked Greg about working on shows like Ellen Degeneres' show and things like that. He asked him what he thinks about the Jay Leno and Conan thing. Greg said he wouldn't be mad at Jay over this. He said he'd be mad at the guys at NBC who made all of these changes. Greg said that guys like Brandon Tartikof would have a vision for a show and they'd let them try it out.
Howard said he feels that they gave Jay a lot of stuff that Conan wasn't getting. Greg said he knows a lot of inside in for about that and there was a lot of strong arming to get guests on that show. Howard said they screwed Conan over from the start because they were pushing the Leno show and not Conan.
Howard wondered if they can blame the lead in for Conan's ratings. Greg said he doesn't think so. He said he had his shot and he should just give in.
Howard said that Greg is going to be at the Stress Factory in New Brunswick, New Jersey this Friday through Sunday. You can find more dates at FitzDog.com.
Greg talked about how he's doing podcasts now and following his 1 hour show on Howard 101 with that. He said he may be getting into some podcasting stuff with Adam Carolla. Howard said podcasting is picking up and he said that everyone is listening to them. He laughed when he said that.
Greg said that he was making decent money from the podcasts and he could almost live off of that money. He said he wouldn't live well but he could live off of it.
Howard asked Greg about working on the Wanda Sykes show. Greg said that he goes in and helps with start ups like that and he will also help punch up some stuff for shows like that. Greg said that he didn't get fired from Wanda Sykes but he did get fired from Ellen Degeneres' show. He said he was starting to say stuff to people in front of them and he just wanted out of there. He said that he hated it so much he had to start taking medication.
Greg told Howard about how he broke down working there. He said he turned down a couple of jobs on different networks because he has a book deal and a sitcom for FOX. He said that the show is called ''Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons'' and it's about the letters his mother saved where he got in trouble in school.
Howard asked why he got so ill from the Ellen show. Greg said he doesn't care about what he's writing about because he loves doing that. He said he worked on The Man Show and then started on Ellen and then went to work on the Porn Awards after that. Greg said he wants to feel he has a voice on the show and he felt discrimination on that Ellen show. He said he had an awful commute and he just didn't like it. Howard asked if he didn't like Ellen personally. Greg said it wasn't that. He said he likes to go out on the road and do stand-up and not just stick to one show. He said he'd prefer to work on a show for 13 weeks and move on.
Greg said he felt that he wasn't being given the credit he deserved because of who he was. He said that there were a lot of the same kind of people working in that place. Howard asked if they were all lesbians. Greg said it's not about that. He said he has a lesbian godmother so he has no problem with that.
Greg said that he wanted to be treated fairly and that wasn't happening. Howard said he was being kind of cryptic. Greg said he was writing for the show and he was doing the warm up. He said he'd write jokes for Ellen in the front row of the audience. He said that he was still treated like the red headed step-child by some of the people there.
Greg said that he never went to any parties or anything and he's really not a team player. Howard asked what Ellen could have done to help him. Greg said that he lashes out when he feels that he's not being treated right. He said that people keep hiring him even after all of this.
Greg said he went to Wanda's show and he was working 15 hour days. He said he had to finish out the 13 weeks and move on. He said it was all happy and thankful when he left there.
Howard said Greg stopped going to Ellen's writing meetings and stuff. Greg said he outlasted a lot of writers there. He said he actually likes that he was fired from that place. He said it's actually sweet to get fired like that. Greg said it was on a Tuesday when he got the call from his agent and lawyer. They told him that he had to pack up his stuff and get out. They walked him through the lobby with cardboard boxes.
Greg claims that Ellen wasn't mad at him but she didn't say goodbye to him. He said she doesn't care about him. Greg said she was probably in on the decision but she didn't say a word to him.
Robin asked if Ellen knew Greg's name. Greg said she did when he started but not before that. She read some of his stuff before he was hired.
Howard asked if he ever keeps any of his written stuff for himself. Greg said that if they don't use something he writes he might keep it for himself. He said sometimes he will come up with a concept and think that he'd like to think of it. Greg said he kept one idea for Wanda's show that he wanted to keep for himself. He said that he thought of it on his own time.
Greg said people love 30 Rock but they don't like SNL. He said he doesn't get that because 30 Rock is about the making of SNL. Greg said that the amount of people that talk about Howard's show and don't even have SIRIUS is incredible. He said they don't know the show but they have an opinion.
Howard gave Greg some more plugs and said they were going to play the Mike Walker Game next. He asked Greg if he wanted to stick adorn for that. Greg said of course he would. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said JD told him that Rush Limbaugh had said something really weird on his show. Howard played the audio where Rush said that this whole Haiti thing is playing right into Obama's hands and Obama is going to use that to work on his credibility with the black community. Howard said Rush is such a fuckin' asshole. Greg was laughing as he heard Rush talking about that.
Howard said America is still the richest nation in the world and everyone looks to us for help. He said that we have to help because we're so close to them. He said that if Obama didn't do anything then it would be a major fuck up. Howard said Rush is making it a racial issue. Greg said he would never think that. Greg said he doesn't get how Haiti can have so many things go wrong. Howard said Pat Robertson claims that it was their pact with the devil that causes all of these problems. Greg missed that conversation earlier in the morning.
Howard said that he was reading about a study Arbitron did that found that listenership of satellite is larger than estimated. They say that more than 35 million people tune in and hear it. He said that they're tuning in at least weekly. Howard read through that and said he knows his reach isn't as big as it used to be but it is growing. Howard said he thinks that 33.5 million of them are listening to him. He said he's making that up of course. Greg said that if it wasn't for Howard the people wouldn't keep their service.
Mike Walker said that people would stop him on the street when he was on terrestrial but it kind of fell off after he moved to satellite. Mike said that it has picked up sharply again lately though. Howard said the bottom line is that they only had 600,000 subscribers when they started and now they say they have 35 million listening.
Mike said that he misses Artie and he wanted to give him a shout out to get well. Howard asked Greg why he hasn't said anything about Artie. Greg said it's been weighing on him lately and he got an email from Margaret Cho who talked about her suicide attempts and wished Artie well. Greg said he can understand going to that dark place and feeling that it's not going to end. Greg said he hopes that Artie hears that no one is expecting anything other than him getting better.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard heard that Claudia was on the Intern Show the other night talking about liking porn. She said that she likes oral sex porn and she's actually broken her computer from downloading so much of it. Howard asked if she's grossed out by the guys in porn. She said she doesn't like the shaved down look. Howard asked if she likes the loads being blown all over chicks. She said she likes that in porn and with her boyfriends.
Howard told Claudia not to go into Sal and Richard's office because her head would explode from all of the porn they have in there.
Greg said that he thinks that Asian men are starting to date more white women now that the economy is down. He said he's noticed that lately.
Howard asked Claudia what her favorite porn is of all time. She said the Debbie Does Dallas series was great. Howard asked who she likes to date. She said she likes dating white guys. Greg guessed that she had a C-cup and guessed right with that too. Howard said he likes a girl who likes to watch porn. He thanked her for coming in and let her go.
Steve said they have a story about an app that's out that lets you count down the time left on Howard's contract and things like that. He said they have Howard's likeness on it so they're not promoting it or mentioning the name. Steve said they also have a story about a reporter who did a story about the Stern Show.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. He ran through his list of stuff they were going to cover today. They ended up talking about Howard's offer to go out and do the Tonight Show. Howard said he's still not sure if he's going to do it or not. He wanted everyone to calm down about that and just wait to find out.
Greg said that Jimmy Kimmel is Howard's boy so he should be doing his show. Howard said he's missing the point. He said that there's this absurd thing going on with Jay and Conan and he'd rather talk to Conan in a serious way about his life going up in smoke. He wants him to talk about what's really going on in a serious way. Howard said he wants to ask Conan what's really going on and find out what his game plan is. Howard said he'd like to know if Conan's wife is freaking out and what's going on financially. Howard said Conan is going to end up giving this story to someone else when he should be doing it on his show. He said he wants to talk to Andy Richter and Max Weinberg too. He said people are freaking out and he wants to know what they're really thinking.
Greg asked Howard if he would do Jimmy's show too. Howard said no. He said he doesn't ant to do any talk shows right now. He's only thinking about this Conan thing because of what's going on right now.
Greg told Howard that if the Tiger Woods mistress beauty pageant works out then maybe he could do a Letterman beauty pageant. Howard said ''No. Those are no beauties...''
Jon finished up his Wrap Up Show preview and thought Mutt was on the line but he wasn't there. Howard had Robin get to her news.
Robin read a story about the International space station and what's going on up there. She said that they say that the water recycler up there has been clogged by urine. The actually drink their own urine up there. Howard said that's enough to keep him from going into space. Robin said they say that it's being clogged by high amounts of calcium from the astronauts. They're not sure if that's from bone loss or what.
Robin said that Beyonce and her husband Jay-Z are the couple with the highest earnings in show business. They made $122 million according to this article. Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart are second on the list. Howard wondered how they make money. Robin said that they both work. Robin read through the list of some of the other couples that made big money.
Robin read a story about a guy who killed his wife in front of their kids. She wondered what you're supposed to do with the kids when you kill your wife. Howard said he doesn't think guys like that don't really care.
Robin said that they've done studies and found that animals may have a sixth sense and may be able to sense things like earthquakes and things like that. Greg said his dog is racist against Latinos. He said they found the dog and he said he's never trained the dog and it's very embarrassing when it does something like that.
Robin said they found video of a dog running out of a building shortly before an earthquake. Robin said they think the dog sensed it coming and ran out of the building to safety.
Robin read about the earthquake in Haiti. She had some details about a prison that was broken and how prisoners escaped. Robin had some other details about what's going on down there with the looting and things like that. Robin said that Bill Clinton has been asking for supplies to be sent down there to help out. Greg got in another plug for the $10 donation you can donate by texting 'Haiti' to 90999. It's charged to your cell phone account. Robin read about some eyewitness reports of what happened in Haiti. She had some audio of people talking about that as well.
Robin talked about the Pat Robertson statements about Haiti that Howard talked about this morning. She had some audio of him talking about how the people of Haiti just need to turn to God and all of these things will stop.
Robin read a story about a suicide bombing in Afghanistan. Greg asked her to throw in a story about a dog saving someone or something to mix it up a bit. Robin said it's just one of those days.
Robin read a story about a study that was done about Al Qaeda and how they kill even more foreigners than they do Westerners like us. Robin said that we're getting the bad publicity for trying to get rid of them though.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she thinks that Howard should go on Conan but she thinks that NBC is going to throw him out. She asked Howard if he had seen the book she made for his birthday. Howard said he thinks it got thrown out. Howard ended up hanging up on her mid-sentence. Greg asked what happened. Howard said he has to cut her off or she'll just keep going.
Robin read some news about the economy and how people are still mad at the people on Wall Street. Howard had to take a break around that time.
After the break, around 10:25am, we heard a prank call Sal and Richard made to a Tradio show where they used audio of the host's voice to talk to the host. Fred also played Robert Plant's ''I'm in the Mood'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and talked about the Robert Plant song that was playing. Howard said it was one of the best Led Zeppelin songs that wasn't even a Led Zeppelin song. Greg said he doesn't think it's one of their better songs. He said he's just singing the same line over and over again in the song.
Howard had Robin get back to her news after giving Greg some more plugs. Robin read a story about how most of the jobs in the city are being held by legal immigrants.
Robin read about John Gotti Jr. getting off and not being tried again after some failed trials. Greg asked Howard about his shoes and if they were boots or sneakers. Howard said they were sneakers. He said he saw them in a magazine and made Ralph go out and get them for him.
Robin read a story about Charlie Sheen and his attack on his wife. Robin said that people are telling the wife to look into his past and see what he's done to other people. Robin read about what Charlie did to another woman one time where he smashed her face and broke her tooth. Howard said this shows how desperate people are out in Hollywood that they'd be with a guy like that. Howard said people still applaud the guy even after all of this stuff. Greg said he was also a big customer of Heidi Fleiss' and that says something about him too.
Howard wondered why people still support that guy after he does this stuff. Why are there still sponsors that stick with his show after this. Howard said if he did something like this himself, his advertisers would drop him in a second. Gary told Howard he got an article about ''Two and a Half Men'' is up by a million viewers since this story came out. Howard said the guy has a charmed life and he finds it weird.
Robin read a story about Simon and Garfunkle and that led to Howard talking about how they hate each other. Howard said Paul Simon writes all of these great songs and gives them to Garfunkel to sing. Howard said Simon figured he should get out of there and hated Garfunkel just standing there doing nothing. He said Simon seems to think he has to throw him a bone once in a while and gets together with him. Robin said that they're getting together again now. They spent a few minutes talking about that story. Howard wanted to play some Art Garfunkle solo stuff but they didn't have what Howard wanted. Howard mentioned one song that he waned to hear but they weren't able to find it. Benjy found the lyrics and read them off to Howard so he could sing them to Fred so Fred could try to find the song. Benjy threw in a reference to another story they had talked about earlier. They were trying to figure out how to say ''Quinnipiac'' during that story so that's the word Benjy threw into the song. Greg thought it was funny that Benjy fucked him in the middle of that singing bit.
Fred found the song that Howard was singing. He said he had to go to YouTube to find it. Howard and Robin knew the song.
Robin read a story about U2's Bono and The Edge writing music for the Spider-Man musical. Howard said that's going to be awful. He imagined what the songs would be like and started to sing it in Broadway Musical style. He had at least a few minutes of song that he made up as he was going along. He had Greg laughing. Robin threw in some suggestions for the song too.
Robin read more about the Spider-Man play and Ralph called in to tell Howard how terrific that song was. Howard said he's still working on it. Ralph told Howard the shoes he has aren't made anymore. He said they were limited edition. He said they were made by John Vabatos. They were called ''Bossy Chuck Taylor Boots.'' Howard said he'd like it if Ralph went out and bought him like 50 pair when he likes something. Ralph said he got him two pair. He didn't know they were limited edition.
Robin read about some GLAAD award nominees like Lady Gaga and Adam Lambert. Howard said he thinks that Lady Gaga should get the award. He said Adam Lambert hasn't really done anything. Greg said Howard should get an award from them too for his support of the gays.
Robin read about Teddy Pendergrass passing away. She had some audio of his music that she played. He was paralyzed in a car accident years ago. She said he ended up dying from colon cancer at the age of 56.
Robin had some audio of George Lopez talking about Jackie Chan since he worked with him in his movie. Howard played that and said poor George had to come up with stuff about Jackie Chan. Howard said no one can explain why Jackie Chan is so popular. He said that he'd say that he can't explain his appeal if he was asked about him.
Robin read about ''The Book of Eli'' and had some audio of Denzel Washington talking about it. Howard said that guy sounds really serious. He wondered if he has any fun at all. Robin said she heard that if a director tells him too many times how to do something he'll just yell out ''thirty eight!'' which is the number of films he's done.
Robin had audio of Danny DeVito talking about a new movie he's in. Howard wondered where they dug him up. He said he liked some of the movies he was in though. He talked about some of those. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:55am.
Jon wanted to move on and went over some of the stuff they were going to try and cover today. Jon started the guys off with Howard's invitation to do Conan. Gary said he thinks Howard should do it. He said the people at SIRIUS want him to go out and promote and this would be a good chance for him to do that and have a great time talking to Conan. He said it would get the word out that they're still on radio and the only downside is that he has to travel across the country.
Jon said Howard said he might have to short change people there too. Gary said he could take a private plane out there on Thursday and do the show and fly back on Friday. Gary said he gets why Howard doesn't want to do it but he thinks they could work it out. Gary said he could do it on Friday too and be home on Saturday morning.
Jason said he thinks Conan is booking Howard out of spite for NBC and Jay Leno. He said it would be great to give Jay Leno his due and he'd love to see it.
Jon asked if they think it would go the way Howard ants it to go. Jason said it always goes the way Howard wants. Gary said he thinks just having Howard on is a big fuck you to Jay. Jason said he loves that.
Jon said that the network may not even let it happen. Benjy asked if Howard would ever say to them that he won't do it unless he gets a recording of the show to play on radio just in case it doesn't make it to air. Gary said if Howard goes on and they don't air it then it's going to be even bigger news. Gary said it would work out either way and someone would get them the audio even if it didn't air on the network.
Jon asked when Howard last did the Tonight Show. Gary said it was when he brought the lesbians on with Leno. It may have been 1996 or so. Benjy said that Jay has done their show since then but Howard hasn't gone back.
Gary said The Tonight Show doesn't mean anything anymore. He said the time slot is something but the show isn't what it used to be. Gary said people think of the Tonight Show as The Jay Leno Show or the Conan show. He said it's not a set show anymore like it used to be.
Benjy said he thought Rosie O'Donnell's reasoning for being upset with Jay was a little unreasonable. Gary said he thought it was at first but then he thought about it and didn't think it was that crazy. Jason and Benjy understood why Jay wouldn't want to give his show to anyone else even if it wasn't working out.
The guys were also talking about Jimmy Kimmel going on Jay Leno tonight and how he seems to have become his friend after all of the ranting he's done against him in the past.
Gary said that he was friends with Jay's producer Helen Kushnic and she really got the royal screw from Jay. Gary said she was doing some things that were above board but Jay acted like he didn't know anything. He said Helen was the one who put the story out there that Leno was taking over the show and that led to Letterman quitting. Gary said that Jay knew what Helen was doing but pretended he didn't.
Gary said he thinks that everyone is taking shots at Leno and they're all loving it. They're all fucking Jay in some way.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard last did the Tonight Show when Letterman was still out from his heart attack. Gary said he didn't remember that. Gary said he could be right about that but he wasn't sure.
Jon asked Gary about the Letterman interview Conan is doing and what he makes of that. The guys said it seems that they're all ganging up on Jay. Jason said it's like there's a lot of pent up feelings toward him.
Gary said he doesn't hate Jay and he thinks that he was one of the greatest stand-up comics out there. He said Jay is now in the position where he wants to be the nice guy to everyone. He said that Patton Oswalt hit it on the head yesterday when he said that there's just noting there with Jay anymore.
Benjy asked if they think Jay is being a douche to Conan. Gary said some people are saying that Conan is being a douche to Jay. Gary said if he were Jay he would have taken his show to another network when NBC booted him out of that Tonight Show spot.
Jason said that NBC ruined everything themselves. He said that they ruined their prime time line up and the Tonight Show. He said that Jeff Zucker and the other NBC execs are the idiots over there. Jon said they didn't expect all of this to fall apart the way it did. He said that he thinks that Jay knew he could always get the Tonight Show back. Gary said this is a lot of fun to watch. He said he loves the fighting over all of this.
Vinnie Favale called in and said that the caller was right about Howard doing Leno on the night Dave returned from his heart problems. Vinnie said that it looked like to them that Jay had Howard on to combat them on a big night.
Jon asked Vinnie what he thinks about Howard going on Conan. Vinnie said Howard has done so many things over the years. He said he wishes he wouldn't. Jason asked if Dave would have Howard on at this point. Vinnie said he can't answer any of those questions.
Jon asked if the rumor of Conan going on Dave was true. Vinnie said he's not sure about that. He said he's not sure how that would work since Conan is still working.
Vinnie asked about Jimmy Kimmel doing Jay's show. He said he thinks that Jimmy may have gotten on Jay's side because of the rumors that Jay was heading over to ABC last year.
Gary asked Vinnie how he sees all of this shaking out. Vinnie said if you look at what happened with Dave you see that the seeds for an exit is set. He said that maybe FOX would take Conan and maybe that conversation is going on behind the scenes.
Jason asked Vinnie how they're going to avoid a situation like this when Dave leaves and if Dave owns the time slot. Vinnie said he didn't know how to answer those questions. Vinnie sounded like he might be avoiding those answers.
Vinnie was asked about JD's date with Ashley Dupre and said that he's jealous of JD because he wanted to be her friend too. They let Vinnie go a short time later. Jon said that was the Vice President of CBS Late night Programming, East Coast. Shuli was in and added ''... and we're out of time.''
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why Howard would go out to do that show when the show is crashing and burning. Gary said the show is already crashing and burning and Howard just wants to add to it.
Jon asked Gary what the chances are that Howard will do Conan's show. Gary said it's 50/50. Jon said that if they wait too long Conan may be gone already. Gary said that may happen and they could even pull the show from him just for booking Howard. That would make the story even better.
The guys talked about how Howard was the one who had the balls to goof on Jay Leno when they took Stuttering John away from the show. He said no one would have even thought about goofing on Leno back then.
Gary asked Jon if he thinks that Jay could go back and get his ratings back. Jon said he thinks that he'll do okay but he may not beat Letterman again.
Jon took a call from a guy who went off on Jason about being a giant douche. The guy said Jason must have been picked on in school. Jason said he wasn't picked on, he was ignored. He said he'd rather be the way he is and be on this show than be on Jay Leno. Jason said he's not beating anyone up there just because he has a microphone. He said he does it with a lot of people there. The caller said Jason takes low blows and goes after people like Lisa G. He said they're cheap shots.
Gary said people take low blows at Jason too. Shuli said Jason takes the gloves off when he gets into an argument. Jason said that's true and Fred does the same thing.
Ralph called in and said that Jason wasn't picked on, he's just hopped up on pills and he's high all the time. Jason said that Lexipro doesn't make you high.
Ralph said he doesn't think that Conan is going to be fired. He said he's been tuning into all of these shows to see what they're saying. Gary said they're getting rid of him after February 12th when the Olympics start. Ralph said they don't need to rush Howard out there next week because he'll be around for a couple more weeks.
Jason said he's not sure how long NBC is going to put up with Conan bashing them and Leno. Benjy said that Leno is claiming that he might leave too. Jon said he doesn't believe that at all. He said he'll be at NBC at 11:30. Benjy was throwing out all kinds of ideas for how they could mix it all up. He said maybe FOX would take Leno and NBC would keep Conan. Jon said that Conan will be out and Jay will stay at NBC. He seemed pretty sure of that.
Jon said that Nightline is doing just fine in the ratings. Even the Daily Show does fine on cable at 11. Ralph asked what they have planned to take Jay's spot in prime time. Jon said they may use some of their cable shows to fill those time slots. He said they'll have to see how it goes.
Jason said they barely have anything good on NBC right now. He said they have a few good shows. Gary said they have all of the Law and Order shows. Ralph said the only good show is 30 Rock. Gary said he disagrees with what Greg Fitzsimmons said about 30 Rock and SNL. He said the reason people watch 30 Rock is because it's really funny and SNL isn't. They had to take a break after that.
Gary asked the caller if he's ever made a mistake before. the guy said he has but this isn't just one mistake that these guys are making. Gary said it's good for the air though.
Jon moved on to talk about the staff photo and how Jason stood in front of Lisa G. Gary said Howard dreads anything that he has to do like that staff photo. He just wants to get out of the studio and unwind. Jon said everyone came in to do the staff photo and Jason stepped in front of Lisa to hide her in the picture. Jon said that they seem to have become arch enemies now.
Jason said he and Lisa are mean to each other and he thought the picture thing would be funny. He knew that she was going to be in the front row and he did it because they all knew that. He said that he didn't like her going on the air and saying he does horrible things to her but she doesn't remember what they were.
Gary said they all break balls there and he doesn't buy into them taking it easy on her just because she's a girl. They talked about Ronnie saying that she should just ''take it on the back'' and deal with it. They weren't sure what that meant exactly.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks Lisa was overreacting. Gary said based on what she was saying, yes. He said that if she was so upset about what Jason had done to her then she would have been able to name things that he had done.
Jason said that Lisa pulled her aside yesterday and said that was a hateful thing that he did and she didn't mention anything about any of this other stuff. He said she threatened to bring ''third parties'' into it and didn't say anything about any other things he had done to her. He said she told him to back off or she'd bring in third parties. Jason said okay and walked out of the room.
Shuli said that he'd love to hear Lisa go to H.R. to file her complaint saying that ''he stood in front of me in a picture.'' Shuli said he told Lisa that if Jason really hurt her then she needs to express that to him. He said he didn't say anything about a third party.
Gary said maybe Lisa should have said it in a different way. Jason said he may have felt bad if she had approached it differently instead of threatening him. Benjy said it sounds like she's upset about constantly being picked on by Jason. Jason said he's going to stop because he doesn't want H.R. involved.
Gary said he's not sure what's in Pete's head or what he was thinking telling those lies. Jon said he thinks Pete is good at staring and he wants to run into the studio whenever he hears his name mentioned. Other than that he has no idea what he's thinking.
Benjy asked if they think he didn't kiss the girl. Gary said Pete was saying he didn't mention any names so maybe she called him and said something to him about it. Gary said he once went out on a date with a girl and he met her downstairs at NBC and didn't bring her up to the studio. Gary said he usually brought the girls up to the studio to meet Howard and Robin but this one he just didn't. That led to them goofing on him an saying that the girl was so ugly that he was afraid to bring her up there. Gary said the girl called him and said that he made her look horrible on the air but no one even know her name or who she was in any way.
Ronnie came in and said he thinks that Pete went on the date but he's not sure what he did there. He said he thinks he had drinks but that may have been it. Ronnie said that Evan had Pete against the wall in the studio and he told him to have respect for him and tell him the truth or he'd never respect him again. Ronnie was telling that story and Jason was laughing at the shirt he had on. He had done a costume change because he's going out to do a shoot for something.
Ronnie said that Evan had gone out on a limb for Pete trying to help him get a job and that's why he wanted him to confess to these lies. Ronnie said they tried to convince him to go in and tell Howard the truth but he kept hesitating until the show was over.
Gregg from Howard TV asked who Evan is to pick on Pete. He said that this is Pete's first experience with popularity and he thinks that Evan is a dick and he likes to pray on people who are weak. He said he's glad this is all coming out now. Gregg said that Evan was the one who called him out on the jeans too. He wondered who Evan thinks he is messing with the guy. Jason said it sounds like Evan is fucking with their shows and he's not sure he likes that either. He said that he shouldn't be fucking with their shows like that.
Jon said maybe he's just breaking balls like everyone else does. Gregg said he does it in a very condescending way. He said that it's done in a really douchy manner. Gary said he didn't know any of this was even going on. He said that it does mess with the flow of the show when people do that kind of thing.
Jon said maybe Scott should be keeping things in check since it was in his studio. Benjy asked Ronnie if he was mad at Pete. Ronnie said he's not mad at him. He said he just wanted him to tell the truth. They had to end the show after that.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:55am.