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Howard and the guys were going to be playing Mystery Guest and Gary let Howard know that the guest didn't want to dwell on some things that happened in their career but they were willing to talk a little bit about it.
Howard and the guys put on their blind folds and prepared for Pete to come in. Howard could tell that it was a guy based on the voice. He then started the questioning. Each person had a chance to ask the person a question. If they got it wrong they had to let the next person ask. They went around the studio a couple of times and Howard was the one who guessed it was Pete. Robin knew but Howard got it at the same time.
Howard joked with Pete about his gambling problem but didn't spend a lot of time talking about it. He had to take a break after that.
After the edited out break Howard came back and told Pete he looked like he was in good shape. Especially compared to Mickey Mantle. Howard had the Jackie Puppet say hello to Pete. Billy West did that impression a little bit and had the puppet talking to Pete for a short time about baseball. Pete played along with it a little bit. Jackie Puppet was joking about how Pete had played with his father. His father was a bat.
Howard asked Pete about how he got into baseball and Pete said he was more of a football player when he was a little kid. He said he didn't like school so that's why he ended up playing baseball instead. Howard said he wasn't able to play sports because of his penis. He said he's hung like an acorn and he would have been made fun of. Pete said he's right about that. He said they would have made fun of him.
Howard and Pete shared some stories about their families and kids. They talked about getting married young and things like that. Howard asked Pete when he lost his virginity. Pete wasn't saying exactly how old he was. He said he was too young to drive though.
Howard said that Pete was doing a radio show and that's what he was in there to promote. Howard talked to Pete about that and Gary came in to help out with some of the sports discussions. He told Howard that Pete was working with Marge Schott so Howard said she was in the studio with them. That led to Billy West doing his impression of Marge for Pete.
Pete said that he did hear Marge using the N-word. He said she didn't have any friends or family so she was a different kind of person. He said that she was married to a guy who had money and she ended up inheriting it when he passed away while he was with another woman.
Pete said that Marge wasn't hard to get along with. He said that she was often misunderstood too. That led to Billy doing more of his Marge impression and talking about various ethnic groups in a negative way. Pete said he was going to be scared to leave that place after all of that. Howard had to cut Billy off after a while because he was going too far with some of his lines.
Howard got back to Pete and asked him about what else he's up to. They spent a short time going over some of the stuff that Pete had been doing to keep busy. They talked about his career and what it was like for him to be so famous. Pete said he got to play for 24 years and things are tougher now than they were when he was playing.
Pete said that he's a happy guy and he's still a fan of baseball. He said he's running a restaurant now. He said the restaurant is a family type place that becomes a lounge and sports bar after the family time is over.
Gary told Howard that Pete's co-host was there and Howard might like to meet her. Howard had Gary bring her in so he could meet her. Her name was Michelle Oaks. Howard spoke to her for a short time and goofed on her radio voice. Howard spent fsome time asking her about working with Pete and what that's like for her. She liked the guy and it seemed they were getting along just fine. Pete said that she was thrown upon him for the radio show and he didn't even get to pick her.
Howard gave Pete some plugs and Mrs. Schott got in some more lines before they ended the interview. Howard was also telling Pete that he shouldn't be considered a role model for kids. He said that kids parents should be the role models. Howard said that if Pete had a drug problem, he'd probably be in the hall of fame.
Howard asked Pete about the autograph signings he does where he gets paid for the autographs. Pete had a theory on why that wasn't wrong to have people pay for autographs. Pete said it's no different than having someone go out to make an appearance somewhere. He said that they should get paid to do things like that.
Marge Schott got in some more racist lines before Howard had to end the interview with Pete. Howard thanked Pete for coming in and gave him some more plugs before wrapping up the interview.
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In this clip Gary was talking about going to a beach in Gayhead. It was a nude beach and Gary said that he was taking some pictures there and there were a few people who would have been happy to pose for pictures naked. Howard asked if the kids were naked there too. Gary said that they weren't but there were plenty of people who did get naked.
Gary said he got naked for about a minute there. He said that his girlfriend was there with him too. He had a picture of her there and Howard said she's really tight. Gary said that she was his age. Howard said she's in good shape. She was making a face in the picture and that's what Gary was showing to Howard. Howard said she looked like she was doing an impression of Gary in that picture.
Howard said that she doing something in one picture and in the next one a gay guy came up to her and he didn't have any pants on. Gary said that she was making a face in the sand and the guy was standing there bottomless talking to her about what she was making.
Howard was going through some of the other pictures Gary had. There were some pictures of guys covered in clay and looking really strange.
Gary told Howard he got naked for like a minute. Howard said Gary has a big penis so he doesn't have a problem doing that. Gary said the reality of a nude beach isn't what you'd think it is. He said it's a lot of old ladies naked.
Gary said he was going to work into getting naked slowly. He said he took his bottoms off and laid on his stomach. He said he was reading a book and this fly landed on his butt. He said that the thing went right in it and that's when he decided to put his pants back on. Howard and Robin got a laugh out of that. Gary said he was naked for like 90 seconds before the fly landed there. Howard told him that he should have wiped better.
Howard was making it sound like there were a bunch of flies on his ass but Gary said it was just one fly. Howard was saying that there were like 35 flies on his ass but Gary told him it was just one and no one else was making that big of a deal out of it. Fred played some swarming bee sounds as they were talking about the fly thing.
Howard was talking about Gary going to some people about some stuff he was up to during his vacation. He told Gary not to reveal his plans even if he thinks that they should be the butt of his humor. Howard said Gary feels compelled to tell everyone what he's up to. He said he tells Gary to do some stuff and he delegates it to other people no matter what it is.
Howard said he had to yell at a few people during his vacation including Dan Forman and Andy Bloom. Howard said Gary was busy telling everyone what his Rolodex plans were. He said he just wanted a copy made but Gary had to tell everyone what it was for. Howard said he wanted it copied so he could have all of the information that Gary had just in case Gary leaves. They went over that for a few more minutes before they had to go to break.
Gilbert Gottfried Hangs Out During The News. 3/7/01. 9:20am
Howard was still on the subject of Kylie and Carmen when he came back from break. He said that Carmen knows that she's his girl and always will be. He said that Kylie just isn't pretty enough for him. He said that just because he was upset over her lie detector test of course. He said if he had the chance he'd bang both of them often and hard if he had the chance. Gary came in and told Howard that Kylie might be a 10 but there are a lot of 8's out there who don't have the attitude that she does. Howard then said ''Speaking of 8's, 10's, 2's and 4's... Here's a 1, Gilbert Gottfried.''
Gilbert came in with his head just about shaved down to nothing. Howard said he's the kind of guy that needs hair because his face is too big now.
Gilbert shot an episode of ''Son of the Beach'' and according to Howard it's his best performance ever. He said it's the funniest thing he's seen. Gilbert plays a Jewish lifeguard in the episode ''Chips Agoy''. Howard said he's got the Hasidic beard and he's wearing swim trunks and it's great. He said his legs don't even look human.
Gilbert told Howard that there was one day when it was really cold on the beach so everyone was covering up during breaks. When they'd get ready to shoot the girls would take off their blankets and jackets. The directors would then tell them that the pants they were wearing could be seen in the shot so they had to take them off. Gilbert said they did that to all of the girls so the guy, Roland, asked if he should do the same. The director says ''No, you're fine.''
Howard continued to tell Gilbert that this role is the best and that it might set the Jews back a thousand years. He then said that after watching it even he was offended by his own show.
Howard asked Gilbert if Jackie has been thrown off of Hollywood Squares now that he's not on the show anymore. Gilbert went on to tell Howard about this one show they shot where Jackie wasn't getting laughs from his jokes. He said that everyone had the audience rolling and then Jackie would tell a joke and there would be silence. He said it happened a couple of times. Gilbert said the audience was just about giving him a standing ovation and with Jackie they'd go silent. Then Jackie turns to Gilbert and says ''This audience sucks!''
A phone caller suggested to Howard that he get Tom to come in and have Gilbert sign a contract to replace Jackie. Gilbert said he could do that and come in every day and demand more money. Howard asked him if he has a web site he could plug incessantly. Gilbert said ''no'' so Howard told him he couldn't replace Jackie then.
Gilbert stuck around for the rest of the show to comment on some of the news stories that were brought up
Gilbert is appearing at Caroline's on Broadway this Thursday and Friday. You can get more info at Carolines.com
The Guy Who Had Sex With A Dolphin Comes In. 7/23/97. 7:45am
Howard recently mentioned that he read an article about a guy who slept with a dolphin. The guy came in to be interviewed this morning. He was disguised when he came in of course. The guy was a little bit strange to say the least. He explained how he ''made love'' to a dolphin in some shallow pool down in Key West Florida. He said that he had to ''bond'' with the dolphin before getting laid. Some woman called in during the interview and said that the guy was the publisher of the magazine that the article was written in and that he was just scamming Howard. The guy denied it though, so who knows. It was a very strange segment all together. If it was April 1st I'd say that it was a joke.
More Various Stuff. 3/5/02. 8:05am
(Edited) Howard played tape of Deion Sanders hosting the Miss USA pageant and goofed on that for a little while. Howard and the crew noticed that Deion's delivery is like the stereotypical black guy from the 1920's so they picked up on that. They were really harsh on him. They picked apart every question he asked because of the odd way he was speaking hwen he was talking to the girls.
Howard and Artei would repeat every question and do their impressions of the guy as they were doing them. They were coming up with their own questions and creating their own questions for the girls too.
It's Official, David Lee Roth Replacing Howard. 10/25/05. 7:25am
Gary came in and interrupted saying that their mystery guest had showed up and wanted to come right into the studio. Howard wanted to do a set up and get his glasses on first. Artie wanted to guess who the big guest was. He thinks that it's Bill Maher. Howard was thinking it was Richard Simmons or Pat Cooper. Gary told him that he shouldn't be nervous and went out to bring the person in. It turned out to be David Lee Roth. Howard said this is good because he's rumored to be replacing him when he leaves. Howard said he knew that something was happening today. Howard asked Dave how he was doing and talked about how he will be replacing him. David told Howard that he can't ''replace'' Howard Stern, he'll just be taking over that spot. Dave told Howard that this is his first and last stop on the show before Christmas. Howard said that if Dave fails it'll be great because it will drive even more people to satellite radio. Dave said that's the good part about being friends with Howard, there's nothing wrong with that.
Dave told Howard that his show won't be the same type of show that Howard has been doing. He's seen other talk shows around the country and most of them are scripted while Howard Stern is just being Howard Stern. He talked about his days touring around the country with Van Halen and Infinity is giving him freedom to do whatever he wants to do on his radio show. Howard said he heard that Dave will be making $4 million a year when he starts there. Dave said he doesn't even need to do a show like that because he can make a lot more than that touring. He's doing it because it's been a dream of his to have a radio show like that for years.
Howard asked Dave how Infinity has been able to keep him hidden for so long. Dave told Howard that his father passed away a while a go and he ended up getting involved in the Emergency Medical Technician field for a couple of years. He's still going out on calls at least once a week in New York City. He said he's only been recognized 2 or 3 times out of all of the calls he's been on. He works in the 'hoods where he doesn't get recognized all that well.
Howard told Dave about how he created this network of radio stations over years and years of hard work. He begged the company to syndicate his show to Philadelphia and they put up a fight for so long. Dave said that Howard has proven that the local deejay is a thing of the past. Howard told Dave that a local guy can be a force to be reckoned with though and a lot of guys are going to be gunning for him. Dave doesn't seem to mind that and he's looking forward to it. Howard asked Dave if it's true that he was over at Jack FM practicing his show. Dave has a way of avoiding a question and won't answer it directly so he ended up talking about Howard's board and how he had it created for himself like a guitar player would have a guitar built for himself.
Dave said that he's wanted to do this since he was a kid so he's really looking forward to doing the show. He told Howard that he still sits down once a week and listens to records, one song at a time, just like he did when he was 10 years old. Howard told him that he may have to open up his private life to make for a good radio show and Dave is ready to do that. Howard said Dave has never really opened up before because no one knows what's going on with his love live. He claims he's heard that Dave is gay before but Dave thought he was just saying that himself, not hearing it from anyone. Dave said that he has banged many hot chicks that had 2 legs in their pants and people should know that already. Dave said that his show is not a comedy show. He's not going to have a whole crew working with him but he will be taking over in markets like New York, Boston, Cleveland, West Palm Beach, Pittsburgh and Dallas. Gary said that Adam Carolla will be taking over in markets like L.A., San Diego and Portland among others and Jimmy Kimmel will be a consultant for his show.
Dave said that he's actually shooting for the Rush Limbaugh audience, not even really for Howard's audience. He's thinking that he could end up in the same markets as Adam Carolla because they'll have two different types of shows. Gary told Howard that they have this guy Rover who will be taking over in a few markets like Chicago, Detroit and Memphis. The whole Stern affiliate market is going to be split up with a bunch of these guys. Penn Jillette will also have a 1 hour show in some of the markets. Dave said he doesn't care who follows him and isn't even thinking about a Penn Jillette following him. Gary said that they have some tape of what David Lee Roth was doing over at Jack FM but it was actually comedian Billy Mira doing an impression of him.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who told Dave he was already going to change stations to Z-100 when he heard him on the show. Robin asked Howard if he would be a guest on Dave's show. Howard said he would absolutely do that and Dave thought that would be great. Howard asked Dave what he thinks is going to happen with satellite radio. He had some round about answer about how it all depends on what the companies let their personalities do. Howard said that he needs the freedom to do what he wants on satellite radio and he just doesn't have the freedom to do it on terrestrial radio anymore. Dave said he supports him on the freedom thing and appreciates the fact that he's making that move. Howard told Dave that putting together that network of affiliates across the country was one of the greatest things he's ever done in his life. He wished Dave luck with his show and offered to get up and walk out right now if Dave was ready to take over for him. Dave asked him what he's been waiting for if that's the case. Howard said he's got a contract that he has to honor and he can't just walk away. He asked Dave if he wanted to take over the show for the rest of the morning but Dave wasn't interested.
Howard had Tom Chiusano come in to meet his new employee. He also asked Dave if he's going to keep the studio the same way it is now. Dave said that he wants to lighten it up and have some windows in there. Tom came in and told Howard that they're going to have Dave working in that studio and they will open it up so he has windows in there. Tom told Howard that he's excited about the future and he can't wait to work with him. Howard felt that Dave was being a bit odd with him this morning but Gary and Tom didn't think that was the case, he was just letting Howard know that he was going to be his own man. Howard doesn't understand how Tom can just give Dave his own studio to start off with since he had to work so hard to get one himself. Dave said he can do what Howard does so that's why they're giving him his own studio. They haven't set up his whole staff yet so there were a lot of unanswered questions.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that he was hoping that Sammy Hagar would take over for Howard. Howard asked Dave if Sammy will take over for him if his show fails. Dave said ''absolutely.'' The caller said that Imus has already been talking about how Infinity will have to come to him once David Lee and Adam Carolla's shows fail. The guys goofed on Imus and pointed out that he's got some really low ratings and couldn't fill in for Howard or for Dave. Dave changed subjects and asked Robin about her upcoming TV show and if she was staying with Howard. She said she will be doing the radio show and the TV show at the same time. That's coming up next fall for those who didn't know.
Howard asked Artie for his thoughts on David taking over for them. Artie said he had no idea that Dave would be in that realm of taking over so he was a bit surprised. Dave said he thinks that it's like a lateral move for him from rock star to radio show host. Howard took a call from Ralph who said that they all love Dave but just because he has been a great guest on the show doesn't mean that he'll make for a great host. Howard told Ralph that it's all about Dave keeping people listening to his show. That's what Ralph said that Howard is great at and that's why so many people have been listening to his show for so long.
Howard said that maybe he is a little bitter about the industry not backing him up against the FCC and the religious right. He said they could have done it and fought them but the industry didn't do it, they just caved in. Ralph led the guys into a political discussion about the President and how he isn't doing this country any good with the FCC. The guys were debating a little bit but Howard told Dave he'll have all the time in the world to do that stuff on his own show once that starts. He doesn't know how Dave will do on his show but he predicts that he will do great when he moves to satellite himself. Howard said he'll be happy once people start to make that move to satellite. He's wishing everyone luck in their markets but Gary said that he doesn't wish the guys luck down in Washington DC because the program director down there has been cutting off the show early to get their afternoon guys on instead.
Dave asked Howard about what happens when Howard says certain words on the air and if there's a list of the stuff they can say and can't say on the air. Howard told Dave he's in for a big wake up call and explained to him how there's a new guy in charge at the FCC and how he's going to have to really watch himself once he starts his show. He also told Dave that the government is looking to fine individuals for their indecency complains and that law is in the works now. Howard said that they will have to bow down to the FCC and their ridiculous rules, there's no question about it. He pointed out that Clear Channel's profits dropped 21 percent recently and he's so happy about that. Ralph said that all of the terrestrial radio companies are going to be losing money once people move to satellite. Ralph also told Dave that he's got to watch himself because the FCC and the religious right will have to find another lightning rod to go after and make an example out of. He's got to watch himself now.
Howard found out that all of these affiliates are going to be going to an all talk format. Tom told Howard that their new Free FM logo is referring to their talk format because every one is free to speak. That got everyone laughing because the jocks won't be free to speak because the company has to keep everyone restrained so they don't get fined by the FCC. Ralph told Tom that people get what they pay for... Tom told Ralph to stop because he was basically doing an ad for satellite. Howard said that if he wants him on his radio show, he thinks that the suits at the company won't allow it and that will be the first time Dave will have to bow down to the company's rules.
Howard gave Dave a plug for his show which will be starting up on January 3rd, 2006. Howard starts on satellite on January 9th. Gary had a whole list of what will be happening in each market and there are a lot of shows replacing Howard in all of those markets. Tom was looking kind of shaken up according to Howard and Dave. Tom told Howard that they've been together so long that it's going to be quite a change. It's like he's losing his family. Howard thanked Dave for coming in and went to break.
Howard And Gary's Sega Channel Incident. 04/05/07. 6:00am
Howard said that he got mad at Gary yesterday because he had made a mess of something. He said Gary asked him if he wanted to have this Sega channel in his house. He said they're coming out with this interactive channel where you can pick a game to play on your cable system. He said Gary asked him if he wanted to try it had he's pretty sure he said it was a sponsor of theirs. Then Gary came in and said that Howard is so off on this whole thing. He said he wouldn't say it was a sponsor.
Howard said he's sure that Gary told him it was a sponsor of theirs. Gary said he had no reason to do that though. Howard said Gary gave him a whole rap about that and he does that to him all day long. Gary said this is the scariest thing Howard has ever done. He never told him that it was a sponsor and he's lying about that. Howard asked him where his brain is. Gary said he can't accept a whole Sega channel from someone if they're not a sponsor. Gary said he didn't know that.
Howard was complaining about the stink in the studio coming from the garbage. He asked Gary to get that out of there because it was so bad. He continued to go off on Gary about what he did. He said he was going to give it a try for a couple of months so he asked Jeff Schick from IBM to come over and help him out. He got it all installed and they had to use a whole computer set up to get the thing working. Then he read that he had to sign a contract saying he was responsible for the equipment and he didn't like that. He had Laura call up Gary and ask him why he was signing that stuff. He didn't think it was right to have to take something like that if it wasn't a sponsor.
Howard said once he got the contract, he asked Gary what was up with that and tried to confirm if they were a sponsor. That's when he found out they weren't a sponsor. Gary said he never told him they were a sponsor and there's no reason for him to tell him something like that. Howard said he had to have told him that otherwise he wouldn't have taken it into his house.
Howard said he had Gary return a computer printer recently because they weren't a sponsor and he couldn't just take it. He said he doesn't even like taking stuff from sponsors. He insisted that Gary told him it was a sponsor but Gary swore on his mother's life that it never happened. Howard said the computer rig they sent over was huge and he doesn't know if it costs $200,000 or something like that. He just doesn't want to have that in his house.
At one point Gary told Howard that he was a dictator because of the way he was treating him. Howard told Gary ''No, you're a dick and I'm a 'tator!'' Gary left the studio mumbling something about Howard being a Nazi or something. Howard continued to say that Gary had told him that the Sega Channel was a sponsor. Robin said she remembers Gary sitting at a table with them and flipping through the notes he had and telling Howard that Sega was coming on and they wanted to hook him up with the gaming system. Howard said he figured he could have something to talk about if they were a sponsor so that's why he had it installed.
Howard said now he has to deal with Tom Chiusano about the whole thing. Tom came in and asked Howard what they sent to him. Howard told him it's a whole big computer terminal that they had to hook up in his house. Tom said this was the first he was hearing of it. Howard thought it was one of their clients though. Tom said they're not one of their clients, other than the 20 minutes of the show they spent talking about it though.
Gary came back in and asked Howard why they can go to Scores and they're not a sponsor. Howard said he cleared that with Tom ahead of time. He doesn't just bring them up on the air and plug them without Tom's approval. Howard said that when someone comes to them like Sega did, they're looking for free plugs. He tried to tell Gary what he was talking about but Gary was arguing that he was just giving him a hard time and his argument was very thin.
Howard asked Jackie if he remembers hearing that Sega discussion in the meeting. Jackie said he may have heard the word Sega but he doesn't remember the conversation. Gary Puppet came to life and told Howard that his job is making his life miserable. The real Gary left at that point. Robin said she knows that Gary never said that this Sega thing was coming from a publicist. Tom told Howard he really should return the system even though they just did a half hour commercial for them. Howard said he would do that but it might take him a week or so to make it happen.
Howard said he has never accepted anything from a company if they're not a sponsor of theirs. That's why he wouldn't have taken this Sega thing if he hadn't been told they were a sponsor. He couldn't believe that Gary didn't know all of this stuff. He said that's why Letterman's guy Morty gets paid so much more than Gary. He pointed out that they had a new sign up on Gary's office door that says ''Baba Booey'' to remind him of who he really is. He said a listener sent that in for them.
Howard said Gary has a great memory but it's all for stupid crap. Gary Puppet came to life and said that Gary remembers stuff from movies that are useless. They had some fun with that for a few seconds but Howard said that he was pounding his head into the wall over that whole thing yesterday. His kids were playing the Sega thing and he had to break the news to them that they had to get rid of it. They had friends coming over to play it and everything.
Howard tried calling Gary but Gary told him to ''drop dead'' when he picked up. Howard called back and pretended to be from a Toshiba saying he wanted to send over some free cameras. Gary told him to send them right over. Howard said that Gary hadn't come in during the commercial break to produce the show. He said he doesn't know what Gary is doing back there in his office making deals.
Howard told Gary to come in there with the Sue Simmons contest. Gary just wanted to play the game but Howard was still goofing on him about the whole Sega Channel thing. Gary said he really didn't know that he did wrong because he said he knew that it wasn't a sponsor from the beginning. He wouldn't have told Howard that it was either. Howard kept goofing on Gary for a few more minutes.
Triumph The Insult Comic Dog Roasts Howard And Others. 01/12/04. 8:50am
Howard had a few more birthday wishes when he came back from break. He recapped some of the stuff that had happened on the show already today. Howard said if Scott the Engineer had done all of that stuff before the party, she might have invited him.
Howard wondered what was supposed to happen next because he was kicked out of the studio during the break. It turned out Triumph the Insult Comic Dog (Robert Smigel) was there to talk to him. Howard talked to the puppet for a couple of minutes. Triumph roasted Howard a little bit about his show and had the delay hit on him a couple of times. Howard brought up some of the things Triumph has done at the MTV awards and asked him about almost getting punched by Eminem after goofing on him at one of the award shows.
Howard said that Triumph has a new album out called ''Come Poop with Me.'' Howard gave him a plug for that and then goofed on the puppet because he wasn't moving his mouth as he was talking. The delay was hit multiple times so we missed out on some of the dog's jokes. He was sniffing the couch in the studio and said it's had so many strippers and porn stars that it smells like low tide. Howard let Triumph go on for a few minutes and said that he thought he wouldn't last in the business but he has been around for a while now. He's become part of pop culture.
Triumph roasted Artie for a couple of minutes goofing on his movie career. He goofed on the rest of the guys in the studio as well. He goofed on Robin a little bit as well. Howard wanted him to goof on Stuttering John a little bit. He goofed on John about his job screening phone calls. Triumph mentioned Jackie as well and said he runs into him in the supermarket sometimes... because they're eating the same dog food. He goofed on Gary a little and said he was having a dream about him one night. He said he has to learn not to sleep with his head so close to his ass from now on.
Howard wrapped up the segment after letting Triumph go off on everyone. Triumph told Howard not to think that he's just getting older, but that he's just getting closer to finding Beth in bed with another guy. He took a break shortly after that.
Today's Mammary Lane show was over around 10:50am.
Howard Pissed At Gary - August 31, 1995. 08/27/07. 6:00am
In the first clip we heard Howard asking Gary about this videographer that was his wedding and why he's selling copies of the tape to the public. He told Gary that he wasn't too thrilled about that and explained how he has people who run around with tapes of him all the time and he just doesn't want to be on them. He said he's got tape of him dancing and now he's using it as an advertising vehicle. He said he feels like a dickwad telling people not to take video of him but this is why he has to do it.
Howard said that these wedding photographers are failed film makers or photographers and this is the kind of thing they have to do. When they see him, they get all excited and start taping. Gary said he saw that these guys were out selling tapes of his wedding and he wasn't too thrilled about it. Howard and Robin asked him how the guy got permission to do that. Gary said he gave the guy permission to use his image in the tape and that's why he ended up using the clips.
Howard goofed on Gary for letting the videographer use his tape. He was pointing out why that's so wrong. Fred went into his Gary Puppet impression and goofed on him about it for a few minutes. Howard said that Gary must have gotten a price break for letting the guy show his video in his clip reel. Gary said he didn't get a break at all. The guy was a friend of a friend and that's why he gave him permission.
Howard said that guy was at a wedding expo and no one would bother to go up to his booth if he didn't have clips of Howard Stern at someone's wedding. He had Gary Puppet repeating after him to say just how dopey he was.
Robin was making fun of Gary so he came in and went off on her a little bit. Howard continued to talk to Gary about what had gone on. Howard said that all roads eventually lead back to Gary. He had to take a commercial break so he tried to wrap things up.
Howard said that it was Ronnie's daughter in law who went to this wedding expo and saw him on this guys's display. Howard figured that Gary was out to get him or to make a few bucks by letting this guy sell his tapes. Jackie told Howard that they need to get the guy who creates stuff for Gary to make up something to wipe his sweaty upper lip. Gary was all nervous from Howard's lecture and he had some sweat beading up on his lip. They wrapped up a short time later.
Beetlejuice vs Gary The Retard. 1/26/01. 8:55am
Who is smarter Beetlejuice or Gary the Retard? That's what Howard wanted to find out once and for all. He had both Gary the Retard and Beetlejuice the tiny headed dwarf come in to compete in an intelligence test today. What happened in this segment can't be described in words.. but I'll try.
Howard said Beetlejuice came in dressed as Erkle from ''Family Matters''. He was wearing glasses and tried to look smart. Howard plugged a party that Beetlejuice will be at tonight in Staten Island. He asked Beet where it would be and Beet said Manhattan. Beet was very intent on talking to Robin today. He kept looking at her and sweet talking her. He kept calling her honey and sweetheart through the whole segment.
Howard asked Beet when the last time he got laid was. Beet rambled in his usual way saying that he gets laid often.. but then he said the last time was in 1976. Then he said he was born in 1975.. So he was only 1 when he got laid?
Howard tried to talk to Gary the Retard but it was tough. He said that Gary has gained quite a bit of weight since they last saw him. Howard asked him how much he weighs now and he said 146 pounds. Beet had to do him one better so he said he weighs ''..147 dude!'' Howard also noticed that Gary's new teeth were missing. Gary says that he keeps them in his coat pocket because they hurt his mouth. Beet gave him some advice and told him to get braces to hold them in. Beet bragged that he has his own teeth.
Howard was ready to start the game when Gary said that he watches Jeopardy all the time. He also watches Hollywood Squares. Beet heard that and said that he can get 20 squares when he plays that on his computer. Always bragging..
Howard finally got to the questions and started with Beet. The first three are not a mistake. Howard asked the same question 3 times!
Howard plugged the Beetlejuice thing again and Beet continued to ramble on and on about nonsense as he usually does. Howard took some phone calls and people were saying that this was the funniest thing they've ever heard. One guy suggested they send Beet to Harvard to be studied.
Beetlejuice was talking about how he can beat the crap out of anyone who he doesn't like. Howard asked him how tall he is and he just went crazy. He said that he weighs 825 pounds.. up to 25 pounds.. Then 45 pounds. There's got to be some short circuits in his brain.
A guy called in pretending to be Beetlejuice's wife Katiejuice. (S)he started telling Beet that she was mad at him for not coming home and Beet seemed to think that it was really his wife. He told Katiejuice that he told her he'd be home in 2 weeks. It was very bizarre.
High Pitch Erik showed up because he'll be at the Beet party tonight. He was wearing a rainbow wig with his shirt off. Howard said he was ill just looking at him. Erik said that he and Beet do a thing together. Beetlejuice rides him like a horse. Beet got on his back, after walking out of the studio for a second, and hopped on. Howard was trying to wrap things up but it was tough. He told them to stop but then Beet started smacking Erik. Erik, in his Mickey Mouse voice, yelled at Beet to ''STOP IT!'' Beet told Erik that he was his bitch and told him to shut up. Howard then told Beet to feel up Erik. Erik told Beet that he's a faggot if he feels him up. Then Beet said he'd beat Erik up tonight. Erik said something about not being afraid of ''negros like you'' to him. Howard finally got them to stop and ended the fun.
You can find out more about the Beetlejuice party at JollyDwarf.com and Erik has a new site at HPErik.com
Howard went over some of the details about Mr. Blackwell's book and talked about the stuff he's had to deal with in his life. They went on and on about Mr. Blackwell's book. Billy West started doing his Carey Grant impression after Blackwell brought up the name. He was goofing on him a little bit with that stuff.
Hank Vs. Gary In Rock And Roll Trivia. 4/25/01. 9:15am
Hank the angry, drunken dwarf came in this morning to compete against Gary in Rock and Roll Trivia. Gary said Hank smelled worse than ever today. Gary also said he went to the bathroom during a break and as he walked by a stall he thought he saw someone kneeling at the bowl. It turned out it was Hank just standing at the bowl taking a leak. He's so short he looks like a guy kneeling.
Howard killed a few minutes by listening to a song he heard his music director playing in the hall. It's a remake of Peter Cetera's ''Glory of Love'' song that he thinks will be a huge hit. He played the whole thing and said he likes it. Robin didn't enjoy it though. When the chorus came in it sounded kind of gay to Gary. Howard never mentioned the name of the band but I've been told it's New Found Glory.
Howard finally got to the trivia game. He asked a total of about 30 questions alternating between Gary and Hank. Hank, who was extremely drunk, ended up beating Gary by a few correct answers. Gary is scheduled to appear on VH-1's Rock and Roll Jeopardy sometime in the near future so this was good practice. Here are a few samples of the questions they were asked:
John the Stutterer, another Rock and Roll trivia buff, called in and said he could beat Hank. The two of them ended up calling each other names and yelling at each other for a few minutes.
Through the whole game Hank was on the edge of his seat almost falling off because he couldn't keep his balance. Toward the end of the segment Howard had KC take Hank out of his chair and put him on the couch. At one point Hank put his head down and passed out. He fell asleep and started lightly snoring. Hank's manager, Doug Goodstein from E!, came in and said he's never seen Hank like that. Then they started talking about how Hank is in love with Doug's wife Marlo, who's really hot (check out HankTheDwarf.com under Hank's Posse for a pic), and he does some very inappropriate things when they go out to dinner. While Doug was talking about the things Hank does to Marlo, Hank awakened from his short nap. He said he'd never do anything to hurt Marlo. He then asked what time it was. Someone told him it was Saturday at 1am but he knew better. Howard told him it was February 2010 and that he's Rip Van Winkle.
A listener called in and told Howard that Hank's liver is failing and that's what caused him to pass out so quickly. He suggested that Hank go to a doctor and get his enzymes checked to see just how sick he really is.
Kendra Jade gave Hank a flash of her breasts and he got his second wind. He said that he was awake again after seeing that. Howard then wrapped up the segment and said that you can see Kendra at Al's Diamond Cabaret in Pennsylvania. Hank stuck around on the couch through the Robin's news.
Gary Garver's 7 Minutes With O.J. 8/11/98. 6:50am
Los Angeles interviewer Gary Garver managed to get about 7 minutes worth of an interview with OJ Simpson. OJ was out golfing as usual so Gary followed him around for a while. Here's how it went..
Pamela Anderson Comes In. 08/03/04. 7:50am
Howard came back from break and said that he heard that Pamela Anderson was there and she was wearing a green teddy. He fluffed up his hair and had the guys bring her in a short time later. Howard told her it was the best she'd ever looked. Artie could only say ''Oh my god!'' as she walked in. Pam had some hair extensions in for some reason so Howard pointed that out. Pam was out of breath when she came in for some reason. She said that she took some Trim Spa to see if she could get a little more energy from that.
Howard said Pam's book got a great review in the paper today. He said that she's a good writer and his girlfriend had noticed that in her Jane magazine column. Pam said she just writes in stream of conscious and sends it in and they print it the way she wrote it. Howard asked Pam if her implants had been made smaller or something. She said they weren't and said that she thinks that they're half under and half over the muscle. Howard was trying to work his way into feeling them up but Pam wasn't falling for it. Howard bailed out on that and got back to her book.
Howard explained that Pam wrote this book ''Star : A Novel'' where she writes the story as this woman Star, but it's really Pam's life she's writing about. That way she can call it fiction and write about stuff that has happened in her life without getting in trouble with anyone. Howard read one of the reviews about the book and how she changes the stories around just enough so she doesn't get in trouble. Pam told Howard that the story he was reading about someone he thought was Scott Baio was about a few people, not just Scott.
Howard asked Pam if she's having sex these days. She said she just had sex the other day and she's dating guys regularly. Howard got back to the book and asked Pam about the Scott Baio thing. Pam insisted that Scott was fabulous and the story he was reading wasn't about him. He said that it appears that Scott was premature in bed but Pam kept saying that wasn't the case. Howard then moved on to another story about John Peters and how she went to his mansion and was offered so many gifts that she had to run off. Pam thought that she had gone over some of this stuff on his show but Howard said she hadn't. Pam talked about the gifts that she was offered when she first came to town. She said she was also shocked when she came to the U.S. That the guy also wanted sex after he gave her all of these gifts. Pam said that she eventually went back to one of the guy's houses and lived there but she said that she never had sex with the guy. Pam said she's still friends with John Peters and he's a neighbor of hers now.
Pam seemed to think that Howard was ruining some of the book by talking about some of this stuff. In one part of the book Howard read that she talks about this character Star dating someone who appears to be Sylvester Stallone. Pam said that the stuff in the book is made up stuff but it was inspired by stuff that has happened to her in her life. Howard gave a quick synopsis of what he thought were the real stories in Pam's book. She was still saying that it was fiction and the stories weren't necessarily true. Howard said that the book was a completely parallel life to her real life.
Howard read a section about a guy who he thinks was Bret Michaels from the band Poison. In the book Star walks into the room and sees this guy in an orgy with a bunch of women. Pam did answer some of the questions as if the stories were true. Howard noticed that Pam was nervous around him so she asked him why that was. Pam said that she thought that he was cute and that scared her for some reason. Howard wanted to hook her up to the lie detector to find out if that was true. Howard sent her off to the green room where Ed Torian was waiting to hook her up to the polygraph machine.
Howard told Ed that he hopes his head doesn't explode when this happens. Howard listened in as Ed was hooking her up to the machine. He said that Pam looked really annoyed by the whole thing. Ed was having trouble getting the strap around Pam's huge breasts according to Howard. Pam said that she didn't want to answer more than one question for some reason. Howard told her he was going to ask her a bunch and if she wanted to answer then she could. He gave her a couple of plugs for her book ''Star : A Novel'' and the book signings she was doing today for the book.
Pam said that she finds Howard sexy and he didn't believe her. That's why he wants to test her. A short time later Ed started his test and got Artie laughing when he asked Pam if her first name was Pamela Anderson. They wrote down the question wrong for him so that's why it was screwed up. Ed asked her questions like ''Have you ever done a colored guy?'' and ''Have you ever called anyone a nig*er?'' Pam said she has slept with a black guy and she has never called anyone the N-word. Ed also asked her about finding Howard sexy and if she would ever have sex with him. She would never have sex with him but she does find him sexy. Ed had some trouble with the pronunciations with some of the names. She said ''no'' when Ed asked her if she'd ever have sex with Howard if he lived on the West coast. She said that she loves sex, she has never had sex with girls and she's never had a threesome. She also said that she didn't want to have sex with Howard the night they were at Scores together. Pam said she has not had sex with Tommy Lee in the last 3 months. She has had sex with Kid Rock in the past 3 months because he's a nice guy.
Ed asked Pam if she's had sex with more than 10 guys in the last year. She said no to that one. She said that Kid Rock and Tommy Lee are about even when it comes to the package. Gary had Ed ask her about the Tommy Lee and Kid Rock penis thing again. She ended up saying that they're just ''different.'' Ed asked Pam if she has ever smelled her finger after picking her ass. She said she's never done that and she also said that she doesn't think that Howard is ugly. The final question was if she had ever had anal. She said yes to that.
Howard had Pam come back in the studio while Ed figured out the results. A phone caller asked if he could date her. Howard told the guy that she's not going to date him and hung up on him. Another caller asked Pam what was up with Angie Everhart and Pam. They were on the E! show recently but Pam didn't even remember all of that stuff.
Ed Torian came in and gave the results of the test. He said she was deceptive on some of the questions. Pam said that she told the truth on all of those questions. Ed told her that she was deceptive on her name but that was a confusing one. She was truthful about sleeping with black guys. She says it was just one guy, not a few. It was a long time ago and she said no one would know him. Ed said that she was deceptive on the N-word question. Pam said that she may have used the word but has never called someone that name. Ed told Howard that Pam has been turned on by Howard. She said that she got a kiss from him one time and he had soft lips. She was turned on by that. Howard told her that she's never been out with a guy like him. He wondered why they couldn't date at some point. Ed went on to say that Pam was deceptive when she said she'd never sleep with Howard. Howard said that must be why she can't even look at him.
Howard had Ed continue with his rest results. She was deceptive when she said that Tommy Lee was not stupid. She said she loved sex and was truthful on that one. Howard said that he loves that she loves sex. She thought that everyone loved sex. Howard told her about this Tara Wakelin who said she doesn't enjoy it at all. Ed continued and said that Pam was deceptive on the question about having sex with girls. She said she has kissed some but never had sex. Ed told her it was the same thing. Ed also said she was deceptive on the question about the night she was with Howard at Scores. Howard knew that he could have taken advantage of that situation and he blew it.
Pam was deceptive about Scott Baio not being quick in bed according to Ed. Howard gave Pam a couple more plugs for the book signings Pam is doing today and let Ed continue. Ed said that she was truthful about Tommy and Kid Rock. Ed finished up his test results and said that she was truthful on a couple more of the questions she was asked.
A caller asked Howard if Pam was stupid for sitting through all of those questions. Howard said that Pam is just a great sport and she's a lot of fun so that's why she did that for them. Pam spent a little more time talking about her book and how she's not even on the cover of some of the books that are carried at Wal-Mart because they refused to carry it.
Howard's buddy Ralph called in and told Howard that he really blew it that night at Scores. He was there that night and saw what was going on. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking about how he'd love to have been able to bang her. They talked about the sex tape that she was in with Tommy Lee and how good she was at giving oral and stuff like that. Howard wrapped up the interview shortly after that and gave Pam a couple more plugs before going to break.
Fight Week - Dice vs. Mark Harris, February 12, 1992. 04/13/09. 9:45am
After the break we heard Scott introducing the next segment which was a fight that Dice Clay and Mark Harris had back in 1992. They had Dice talking about that day before they played the clip. Dice was saying he's not even sure why he went ballistic on the guy but he found that Mark had a great sense of humor about the whole thing. This was not in my archives. Here's a quick synopsis of what happened:
Howard had Mark Harris in the studio and said that Gary had given him the name ''Mar Karris'' instead of Mark Harris. Howard said that Mark is going to be on Donahue tomorrow with some kind of big announcement. Mark said he can't say what that is though. Howard guessed that it was that Martha Raye is pregnant. Howard wanted to know if they're having sex. Mark said that he and Martha are having a great relationship.
Mark spent a few minutes talking about his marriage to Martha Raye. Howard suggested they call her but Mark didn't want to do that.
Mark also talked about Martha's daughter and why he thinks she hates him so much. Mark said that Martha only left that daughter a dollar in her past wills so he's not sure why she's so upset about him marrying her. Mark said that he may get $2.4 million when she dies but he's not even sure if that amount includes the house or not.
Howard said he thinks that it must be more like 4 or 5 million. Mark said it won't change him no matter what it is.
Howard asked how old Betty White is. Robin said she must be up there. Howard said that he might have to start dating her. Howard said that he'd auction all of her stuff off while she's still alive.
Howard talked to Mark about putting Martha into a negligee and how he works that out. Mark said that she's able to dress herself.
Gary gave Howard a note saying that Dice was on the phone to talk to Mark. Howard picked up on him and Dice said that he's sick of parasite faggots like this guy. Dice said that he can't believe that this guy is in love with a woman. Mark said that he's not telling Dice anything. Dice said that if he's not a faggot, he's on the waiting list.
Mark didn't like that Dice was saying that Martha should have been dead 30 years ago. Dice said that he wasn't wishing Martha dead, he was just pointing out her age. Dice went off on Mark about the way he's talking about Martha and yelled at the guy for a couple of minutes.
Mark was defending himself but Dice was calling him names and making fun of him about all of this stuff. Howard asked Dice if he even had his breakfast yet. Dice said he didn't because he woke up for a few laughs and ended up hearing this guy instead.
Howard said that Mark is in love with Martha and he's not sure why Dice doesn't believe that. Dice said that Mark couldn't have been from Brooklyn like he claimed earlier. He said that he must have been there for a week and got chased out.
Dice said that all of these people are just trying to scam. Dice said he knows that young chicks might be into him like that later on but he knows that it might happen. Dice called Mark a parasite a couple more times during that discussion.
Dice asked how old Martha is. Mark said that she's 75. Dice said he hopes that she lives another 175 years because that's what Mark deserves. Dice said that 150 would be a nice round number. Dice called him a parasite and a leech and said he doesn't have time to stay on the line with this guy. Dice said he had to say something because he does talk the truth. Dice hung up a short time later.
Howard told Mark that this is the kind of thing he's going to have to deal with on Donahue's show when he goes on. Mark said that this man, Dice, can't understand compassion at all. Howard told Mark that he learned that Dice doesn't like him. He said they also learned that he's not gay. Mark said that he doesn't believe in one way streets. Howard asked if he's bi. Mark said that he's going bye, bye soon. He didn't confirm if he was gay or not. Howard let Mark go a short time later.
Robin's Diarrhea ''Accident'' And Other Stuff. 9/4/03. 6:40am
Howard said he finally got the Warren Zevon CD (The Wind) so he played the track he played yesterday called ''Keep Me In Your Heart.'' He spent a short time listening to that but he was distracted by his computer screen because Stutternig John was doing all kinds of stuff on his screen. He said they have all kinds of problems with their computer system and he has to watch all of John's problems. John came in and told Howard that Jeff Schick from IBM was going to fix it for them. That led to Howard talking about this 18 year old kid who was caught spreading one of the viruses that's spreading around right now. They talked about how fat the kid was and what a mess he looked like in the pictures they had of him. Howard also brought up the killing of a child molesting priest who was in prison. Howard said it's weird how criminals seem to hate child molesters so much and will actually kill someone over it.
Howard said he talked about the Counting Crows album yesterday but he didn't have the CD to play. He said he didn't get that until today. He said if they were allowed to download songs from the internet, they could get to that stuff the same day. He said no record company is going to come after them for downloading songs if they're going to play them on the air. He said the band wanted him to play it on the air and he would have if he'd had it when he wanted it. He ended up playing the album anyway though. He only played about 10 seconds of the first song before he changed subjects.
Robin ended up telling Howard about how she talked to this lie detector test guy yesterday and he was kind of strange. She said that she called him and he was very short with her and didn't have much to say even though he was the one who wanted her to call him. Howard said they were going to have Robin tested because they seem to think she doesn't like Howard's girlfriend Beth. Gary came in and said that the people at the company were all kind of strange and yelled at them when they asked questions. They were saying that they can't ask more than 8 questions because of the band they put on the person's arm. They have to release it so the blood flow doesn't get cut off. Howard ended up getting pissed off at Will who does the research for the show. He apparently told Robin that the questions they had for her were ''kind of rough'' which wasn't the right thing to say. Howard called him in and yelled at him for a short time about telling Robin what's going on with stuff like that.
Robin said she had a problem while she was out running when she was on vacation. She said she got a little diarrhea while she was jogging in her bike shorts. She said she had run about 5 miles and was about 3 blocks from the hotel when she realized that she had a problem. She said she started walking really fast trying to get back and all of a sudden it just exploded. She said there weren't many people around because it was very early in the morning. She said there was no one on the street at the time but she ended up locking herself out of her room. She said the crap was running down her leg so she didn't want to run into anyone. She said her friend was in an adjoining room so she'd be able to get in. She said she saw a guy who was watering a plant with a hose as she got closer to the hotel. She asked to borrow the hose and hosed herself off out on the street. She said she watered herself down and got some of the mess off. There were still remnants coming down her leg and ending up on her white socks. She rushed back to the hotel and banged on her friend's room but she was in the shower. Her friend eventually came to the door so Robin told her to run and open her door and get out of there. Robin said she ran into the bathtub and showered herself off. She said she threw everything away after that. Howard said he didn't think he would have thought of using the hose like she did.
A listener called in and said he had a about with diarrhea in high school but he was able to hold it in. He seemed to think that Robin should have been able to hold it in. Robin said she just wasn't able to do that though. Another woman called in and changed the subject. She said she thinks that Robin has a secret crush on Howard and that's why she doesn't like when he has someone like Beth around him. Howard told the woman that Robin called Mr. X Howard at one point during their company's Christmas party.
KC came in and told Robin that when someone goes jogging early in the morning and gets diarrhea, they call it Athlete's Ass. Howard told him to get out of the studio and went right to commercial break.
Today's Mammary Lane special was over around 10:55am.
The Stripper Knowledge Game. 5/3/01. 9:15am
Howard had a trip to give away to the MGM Grand hotel in Las Vegas today so he had a caller play the Stripper game. This is where someone interviews a stripper and asks her general knowledge questions. The caller has to guess whether or not she'll get them correct or not. The caller had to get 3 out of 5 correct. He got a sample question of ''What's the name of the President's house? - White House''. Howard then let the guy play. Here are his questions and the stripper's answers. The stripper was Ivy from Scores...
| Question | Caller Says | Stripper Answer | Correct? |
| What is Al Gore's wife's name? | N | Helen | N |
| Who discovered electricity? | N | Thomas Edison | N |
| Who found the cure for Polio? | N | Some unique doctor | N |
| Question | Stripper Answer | Correct? |
| How many candles are on a Minora | Twelve | N |
| What letter comes after Y in the alphabet? | Z | Y |
| Who invented the light bulb? | Thomas Edison | Y |
| How many states are in the USA? | Fifty | Y |
| What President spent more than 2 terms in office? | Kennedy | N |
| What President is on the $5 bill? | Jefferson | N |
| Who was the third President of the US? | Jefferson | Y |
| How many senators are in the Senate? | Seventy two | N |
| How many senators represent each state? | One | N |
| What is the square root of 64? | Eight | Y |
| What is the capital of California? | Los Angeles | N |
| What is the capital of New York? | Manhattan | N |
| What is the capital of Maryland? | Baltimore | N |
| What is 20% of $200? | Point two oh | N |
| What temperature is freezing? | Thirty two degrees | Y |
| Name both New York Senators. | D'Amato and.. I don't know the other | N |
| What is the sun, a moon, planet, star or plant? | Star | |
| What month are taxes due? | April 15th | Y |
| How many holes are in a game of golf? | Eighteen | Y |
| How many people are in a quartet? | Four | Y |
| How did JFK Jr. Die? | He was assassinated by James Earl Ray | N |
| What food group is corn in? | It's a starch but it's considered a vegetable | Y |
| What number is Black Jack? | Eight | N |
| How many clitorises do you have? | One | Y |
| How many weeks are in a year? | Sixty four | N |
| What name is Abe short for? | Abraham | Y |
| Name the pro basketball team in New Jersey. | Knicks | N |
| How many days are in a year? | 360 or maybe 362 or 364 | N |
| What animal is Pork? | Pig | Y |
Ronnie Spector's Visit From July 30, 1987. 08/27/07. 8:35am
After a break we heard Jon and Gary introduce another segment. This one was a segment where Ronnie Spector came in and sang a song parody. The segment originally aired on July 30, 1987.
In the clip we heard Howard introducing Ronnie Spector after she showed up a little late. He talked to her about the outfit she was wearing and how it wasn't quite as sexy as what she wore on Letterman. He also told Ronnie that Jackie went to see her when he was in 7th grade and she was the first one that he ''fantasized'' about.
Howard told Ronnie that they had written a song parody for her to sing that was to the tune of her song ''Be My Baby.'' Their song was ''Eat My Baby'' which came about after they read some stories about pit bulls killing some kids in the news. Howard was going to have her sing it but he spent a little more time talking to her about what she's got going on in her life.
Howard talked to Ronnie about her ethnic background for a minute and then asked if she would show what she had on under her pants. Howard said she gave him a peek at what she had going on down there. Howard asked to hear her new record. He checked out the album cover and said she looked good on there.
Howard sent up his harmonizer so his voice was really high. He wasn't able to take Ronnie and Robin off of it so they all had their voices up high. He eventually got it set up right thanks to Scott the Engineer. Once they were set up Howard sang the song to Ronnie so she'd know what they had in store for her. He sang the whole song and then had Ronnie perform it. Howard and Robin backed up Ronnie in the song ''Eat My Baby.''
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Ronnie before wrapping up the interview. He told her that he was 33 years old and she claimed that she thought that he looked younger. Ronnie actually performed the song for a second time to get it down even better.
The Next Superstar... Zenaida Perez. 09/13/04. 9:50am
A woman showed up to the show asking to get on the air because she wanted to talk to him. Howard let her come in and said that she was pretty hot. As she started to talk to them Howard pointed out that the black lip liner she had on just didn't look good. She went on to tell the guys that she lost a lot of weight and went from a size 15 to a size 7. She's got 7 more pounds to lose. She started to ramble a bit about where she was from and who she's dating. Then she told the guys that she wants to be a singer. Howard had her sing a little bit but she really wasn't that good. Fred threw in a sheep's ''Baaahhh'' sound effect since that's kind of what she sounded like.
Her name was Zenaida Perez and she claimed that she could dance as well as sing. She wanted to hear some Marky Mark or ''Right Said Fred'' music to dance to. Gary told her that she might want to ask for something from the last 20 years. After she danced Howard said that she needs to lose another 15 pounds. She agreed to do that. It turned out she was lying about her age and Howard was able to get her to admit that she was actually 27 and not the early 20s that she was claiming.
Howard heard that she sent her pictures to the Ford modeling agency and they sent them back to her. She told Howard that she sent them back to them again and wants to prove that she's good looking enough to be a model. Howard told Zenaida that he's going to put her picture up on the web site today and let the fans rate her. He told her that she's too heavy to be a model. She seems to think that she can be a model if she can lose a few more pounds.
High Pitch Erik called in and told Howard to have her take her top off. She refused to do it and said she's not confident enough to do something like that. Howard told her that she'd have to do stuff like that when she models. Howard sent her off to get her pictures taken a short time later so Robin could start her news.
Howard asked Robin if they should have the band Jet on the show. He played a couple of songs from their CD to let her know what they do. Artie was having some fun goofing around with the songs that he was playing. Fred was also throwing in some sound effects and goofing on their stuff a little bit. Howard thought they were rockin' pretty good in the songs through.
Richie from E! came in and told Howard that Zenaida was out in the hall crying because someone called up interested in her. Howard had them bring her back in so he could talk to her while she was in tears. She cried a little more but then started telling Howard that she was told she wouldn't be able to get back on the air and then she heard that someone called in and said they might be willing to give her a chance at modeling. That's when she broke down and cried. She said she hates her life up in Haverhill and this is giving her the chance to make it. She was still crying and talking hysterically as she was explaining what was going on. Howard started to sing ''You'll Never Walk Alone'' to her as this was going on. For some reason Zenaida kept telling the guys that she is a ''real'' person. She kept using that line over and over again.
Howard took a call from Sal the Stockbroker (HorseToothJackass.com) who was pretending to be a record company exec by the name of Tobey Stevens. He told Zenaida not to sign with anyone else because they wanted her. He goofed on her for a short time before Howard hung up on him.
Robin wondered where Zenaida's boyfriend was. Howard said that he's taking a rest somewhere. Artie said ''He's removing his ears.'' Zenaida thanked Howard for giving her a shot on the air for the first time. They ushered her out of the studio again so Robin could get back to her news. Gary interrupted again and wondered what was up with Jet. Howard said he guesses that they could have them on but didn't seem to care either way. Howard was playing a Bruce Hornsby song, ''Way It Is'' and said it really touched him when he heard it over the weekend. He told Gary that if Jet could perform that song, they could come on. Howard also talked about this guy Steve Earle who did a song called ''F The CC'' but there were too many F-words in the song to play it on the air. He played a few other clips from his CD because he liked one of his songs. He wasn't able to find the song that he'd been listening to earlier so he bailed out on it and had Robin continue with her news. They wrapped up the show around 10:45 this morning.
Scott The Engineer Attacked By Kids. 04/05/07. 7:00am
After the break we heard a segment from May 15, 1996 where Scott the Engineer talked about being attacked by some 6 and 7 year olds. In the segment we hear Howard take a phone call from a guy who said that Scott was doing one of his DJ gigs where they had a parade with a bunch of young kids. The kids were all goofing on him making that ''chh'' sound to him. Scott came in and said that there was really only one kid making fun of him, not a group.
Steve Grillo came in and told Howard that the last time he did a gig with Scott he saw him do a quick change behind his DJ booth. Scott said that there was no one there so that's where he did it. Howard let the caller, Ray, go a short time later. He took another call from a guy, Bud, who said he was the guy who trained Scott. He said he had a story about Scott. Howard interrupted him and said that Scott is just a sad sack and he's like a comic book character with that name. He said he's the Sad Sack of the radio station and he's always getting yelled at by his wife and stuff like that. He reminded everyone that Scott had come to them years ago about not being able to make money so they helped him get his DJ business started years ago. Scott got that started up with a couple thousand dollars. He actually included them as owners in the business so he would give them money after he did his gigs.
Howard said that Scott's business started doing well but he ended up owing everyone money. They all took a vote and decided that he didn't have to pay them anything. Gary said that he took his cut though because he was broke back then. He said they all took their money back. Gary said Scott never makes any money because he has to spend so much money on CDs and stuff like that. Howard said Scott is now a Disco DJ but he's the last person you'd want at your party. Gary said that Scott is always complaining about something when they go out and do things.
Howard pointed out that Scott is the guy who can't wait to start smoking when they fly somewhere. Gary also said that he's the guy who got paid to do a gig and ended up leaving the money on the roof of his car and had it blow away. Stuttering John said that Scott used to have to drive an hour to drop off the tapes when they'd do shows out in L.A. while everyone else would be done with work.
Gary said that when Scott started there he was in a hole money-wise and his wife was pregnant and they had two car payments to make and he had been out of work for a while. The guy has the worst luck. Howard goofed on Scott about the job he picked to do and how he can't make any money doing it. Stuttering John said that he wanted to pay Scott to do some engineering on some songs for him but $20 an hour wasn't enough for him so he couldn't do it.
Howard asked this guy on the phone, Bud, what had gone on with him. Bud said he was at this pool one time at a place called Windsor Park. Scott was playing music for the pool club and Scott ended up cursing at the kids. Scott said that Bud wasn't there. Bud said he heard this from someone and heard that Scott was cursing on the microphone and the kids could hear him using the F-word. Scott heard that Bud had ripped off some company he worked for but Bud denied that. Bud also claimed that he had done a favor for Scott about a year ago when he subbed him out for liability insurance. He was supposed to get $50 from Scott but he never got the money. Scott claimed he didn't know what he was talking about.
Howard asked Scott if he really lost his gig at the Windsor Park pool. Scott said he did but he didn't curse out the kids. They kept digging to find out why Scott had lost the gig. Scott said that there was an incident where the kids attacked him and that's when he lost the gig. He was giving away prizes at the pool and about 50 kids literally jumped him. He said they were about 6, 7 and 8 year olds who jumped him. He said when you're standing there with a box of toys, they jump you. He said they didn't hit him or anything but he did say ''one at a time'' but they ignored him. He said he didn't yell or curse but he did get on mic and tell people that he couldn't work like that.
Howard asked Scott to record all of his gigs so they can hear him doing that stuff. Howard said the kids must see him doing that stuff and just want to jump him for the hell of it. Robin was laughing and goofing on Scott about the kids being out of control thing. She was picturing him telling people he couldn't work like that as the kids were attacking him.
Howard took a call from this woman who said that she knows that Scott owes that guy Bud some money. Howard said he didn't really want to hear about that and said he was going to let the callers go. Bud thanked Howard for letting him vent like that as he was getting off the phone.
Another caller said that Scott owes him $34 because they loaned him the money one day when he was there. Scott said he will go and pay them the money today. Robin said she still couldn't get over the story about him getting attacked by the 6 year olds. Howard asked Scott to sing a little ''Hands Up'' for them. He wasn't going to do it though.
Howard asked Scott what kind of bathing suit he wears when he does those pool parties. Scott said he just wears shorts and a hat. The guys were still goofing on him about the kids attacking him. Howard said it must be like Scottmania when the kids are all going after him. Howard said it must be like the Pied Smoker when the kids are following him around. He had to wrap it up after that.
Tiny Tim Interview From 1988. 11/19/07. 11:15am
Next up was an interview with Tiny Tim from 1988. After the intro we heard Howard bring in Tiny Tim after talking about the 19 year old guest they'd just had in the studio. Howard pointed out the new color that Tiny seemed to have created with his new hair color.
Howard also told Tiny about the Naked Jeopardy segment that they had just done and Tiny told him he wished that he'd had him in the studio for that. Tiny talked about how he goes to topless bars just to look at the girls lovely faces. He said that there are a lot of girls with very beautiful faces. He gives the good looking girls a lot of money too.
Howard said that Tiny would have liked the girl that they'd just had in there, Nicole. Tiny said he probably would have. They also talked about Tiny meeting Jessica Hahn and how he'd like to bring her back to his apartment. Howard didn't think that Tiny would have any women into his apartment because he's so paranoid about germs.
Tiny told Howard that he believes that it's better to get a lady of the night instead of pleasuring yourself. He said that it's something that's so naughty that he can't do it. He said he has been tempted though.
Howard talked to Tiny about his weight gain and found out that he likes to drink Aunt Millie's pasta sauce right out of the jar with sunflower seeds. Howard told him that's why he's gaining weight but Tiny said that it doesn't have all of the fattening stuff in it. He said that he does drink a lot of beer though so that's probably why he's gained some weight. He told Howard about some of the other things on his diet as well.
Howard and Tiny were talking about the many different things that Tiny eats. He talked about eating pumpkin seeds with barbecue sauce. He gave name brands for many of the things that he was talking about. He talked about this Loving Care product he likes and told Howard that he would never do advertisements for them. He said that he just talks about the stuff he likes and doesn't expect any products from the manufacturer or anything like that. He talked about Job Squad on a show one time and they wanted to send him some of their product but Tiny turned them down.
Tiny thinks the Elvis could still be alive after reading some stories about him in the tabloids. He said that he thinks that he could make a come back some day and surprise everyone. Tiny had a song about Elvis that Howard was going to play. Tiny said the only person playing the song is Dr. Demento at this time. Howard's show is the first real radio show to play it. Howard played Tiny's song ''I Saw Mr. Presley Tip Toeing Through The Tulips'' a short time later.
Howard said he didn't know that Tiny did an Elvis impression but he did one in the song. He told him that it was genius to revive the tulip thing in the song.
Howard told Tiny that he could stick around for the rest of the Naked Jeopardy game they were going to play. He went to break and set up for that. After the edited out commercial break Howard brought in the girls and let Tiny talk to them a little bit. Tiny ended up leaving because the girls wouldn't take their clothes off in front of him.
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James Taylor Comes In. 5/22/97. 7:35am
Singer James Taylor came in and sang a few songs for Howard today. He spent most of his segment singing 3 songs. Howard did interview him a little bit about his past heroin addiction and being married to Carley Simon. James performed the following songs: 'Woodstock', 'Fire and Rain' and 'Sweet Baby James'. He sounded great even though his music is not my kind of music. He's got a new album entitled 'Hour Glass'. Howard played a track off of the CD but it kind of sucked. Later in the show Howard found out that Gary's cousin, Jill Dell'Abate, did some of the back up singing on James' new album. She's actually got some talent and Howard said she's pretty good looking, especially compared to Gary...
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Monkey Programs K-Rock On August 15, 1995. 11/19/07. 9:25am
After a break Jon and Gary were back to introduce the next segment from August 15, 1995 where they had a monkey picking the music for the station's play list. Gary and Jon talked it up and then played the segment. This was not in my archives so I've added a few notes about the segment.
In the clip we hear Howard asking the guys to bring in the monkey. The monkey's name was Lisa, the trainer's name was Lynn. Howard wanted to make sure he didn't get those confused when they came in. Everyone said ''Awww'' when they saw the little monkey come in. It was making a chirping noise. Lynn said it was only 5 weeks old. Howard said it was so cute he wanted to eat it. He didn't want to hold it at first because he was afraid of dropping it. He gave it right back to Lynn a few seconds later and told her to get that thing away from him.
The monkey was a cinnamon capuchin according to Lynn. They had the baby and also an adult that they were going to use to spin a wheel to pick the music for the station. Howard said that they were going to call that monkey ''Tim Sabean'' but changed it to ''Tim Simian'' a short time later.
They had wheel that the monkey could spin and they'd play the music that it landed on. Howard was trying to prove that even a monkey could program the station there. They'd spin the wheel and find an artist, then Gary would pull out their CD and let the monkey pick the song on the album to play. The first one was Cream's ''White Room.'' Howard had the monkey spin the wheel again and it came up on Van Halen so they had the monkey pick a song off an album. Lisa the monkey picked ''Jamie's Cryin.'' Howard played that song and had Lisa pick another one while it was playing.
The next song picked was Daytripper by The Beatles. Howard said that these picks were no worse than the songs they play during the day on the station already. They picked a couple more songs and then Howard wrapped up with the trainer who brought the monkey in. She said that she'd rather not plug anything so Howard was kind of surprised by that. He said she may have been the first guest to come in and not ask for a plug.
Howard had Andre Gardner come in since he's the Program Director there. He asked Andre what it feels like to have a monkey able to do his job. Andre said that he doesn't think that it could do it for 3 months straight. Howard said he guarantees him that the ratings would go up if they had the monkey do his job. He said the monkey would be pulling down six figures in no time.
Howard put Andre and the monkey up against each other. Jackie suggested they have both of them pick and then have Tom Chiusano come in to try and guess who picked what. Howard had Gary handle all of that and didn't let anyone know who was picking what. Andre picked a song after the monkey picked one. Howard said that Andre has been in the business for 18 years and he's up against a monkey wearing a diaper.
Howard took a look at the songs that were picked and said that it's going to be tough for Tom to figure out who picked what. Tom came in a short time later and Howard said he must have been thinking when they talked about having a monkey doing this job. Tom just laughed.
Howard took a break which was edited out of this replay. They came back and Howard gave a speech about how he's always thought that they could program a station with a monkey and he was proving that today. He then played the first set of songs which included Bruce Springsteen's ''Badlands,'' ''Rosalita'' and ''Born to Run'' as well. Then he played the next set of songs which included U2's ''With or Without You,'' Jethro Tull's ''Locomotive Breath'' and Peter Gabriel's ''Red Rain.''
Tom said that he had to go with the second set of songs. Those were the monkey's songs. Andre said he picked the three Bruce songs because they were showing his knowledge of music history and Bruce's career. Tom said he definitely liked the second set and he'd have to go with it's picks. Tom said he's going to stick to Andre though and not give his job to a monkey. Howard said that's coming from the same man who hired the Greaseman.
Vegas Contest Update And Other Stuff. 2/11/02. 8:15am
Howard had KC come in to talk about how he almost killed his girlfriend's dog. Howard said he lives in such a horrible place that he's got rat poison laying around the apartment. The dog ended up eating some of it. KC called a vet's office and they had him do some stuff to try and get it to puke it up. That didn't work so they had to bring it to the vet and they got the dog to puke. KC said the dog was fine for a week and then one morning they woke up and found the dog stiff as a board in bed with them. Howard thinks that the poison killed the dog but KC said that the Vet's office told him it could have been something else that killed it. Robin thinks it was the effects of the poison that killed the dog but KC refuses to take responsibility for killing it. Robin thinks it damaged the dog's liver or kidneys and slowly killed it.
KC bought his girlfriend a squeaky guitar toy from the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino because he thought she was going to get another one. When he got home she didn't have a new dog but he gave her the squeaky toy anyway. KC said she's still looking to get a new dog. KC said he really did care about the dog and he's actually upset about it dying.
Howard tried getting in contact with the dog psychically as a goof. Fred played some dog barking sound effects so Howard could ''speak'' to the dog. He asked the dog, who barked once for ''yes'' and twice for ''no'', if he blames KC for his death. Of course the dog barked once. Howard also barked yes when Howard asked him if he thought KC was gay and if he's ever seen KC have gay sex.
Mickey Mantle Interview From 1987. 08/27/07. 6:45am
Jon Hein introduced the next segment which was when Mickey Mantle came into the studio for an interview. Gary talked about the interview and how Howard didn't know all that much about the guy. He said he was still able to do a great interview with the guy. Jon played the clip which took place on June 24, 1987.
Howard introduced their mystery guest and had everyone in blindfolds so they wouldn't see who it was. Gary gave his first clue that he was a sports legend and Robin knew it was Mickey immediately. She said she recognized his voice and the clue that Gary gave her confirmed it.
Mickey went off on Howard for making him wait in the green room for an hour and a half. Howard started to read some of Mickey's stats since he didn't know all that much about the guy. He told Mickey that he doesn't know jack about sports because he was so uncoordinated as a kid. He said he was playing softball though so he was starting to get into it.
Howard told Mickey about playing baseball with his dad one time. He said he ended up hitting his dad in the nuts and that was the first and last time he played with him. Mickey told him he should have been a pitcher if that was the way he pitched.
Howard asked Mickey about his family and talked to him about his kids. One of his sons was 34 years old and still living at home. They talked about that stuff for a short time. Howard told Mickey that he'd be so proud of him if he were his father. He said they'd have the best time together.
Howard gave Mickey a plug for this new video he was promoting. He talked to him about some of the other things he's been doing lately as well. He went to the phones a little while later and let the fans talk to Mickey. Howard was afraid the fans were going to ask stupid questions but the fans were pretty good about not saying anything too dopey to Mickey.
Howard wrapped up with Mickey and said he had a good time with the interview. Mickey thanked Howard for having him on the show and said he had a good time there. They wrapped up a short time later.
Howard Talks About F'ing The Skull Of Sally Jesse Raphael. 07/24/1995. 7:35am
Up next was a segment from July 24, 1995 when Howard talked about f'ing the skull of Sally Jesse Raphael after he was inspired by some stuff she was doing on her show. This show was not in my archives so her's a quick synopsis of what Howard talked about.
Howard was talking about a drawing program, Colorworks, he was using on his computer and said that he was inspired to ''paint'' some stuff in this program by Sally Jesse. He pulled up the picture to show to Jackie after explaining what he had done.
Howard had some audio clips of Hank the Dwarf on his computer so he told Robin about those and how he was going to be making full multimedia presentations based on this beast Sally Jesse Raphael because he hates her. He said that she's the biggest beast on the planet.
Howard eventually pulled up his picture and showed Jackie the ''F the Skull of Sally the Dragon'' picture. He said he did that over the weekend. He had taken a picture of her off the internet and had a penis inserted into the side of her head. He said he's going to keep that on his computer so it shows up whenever his computer locks up. He said that the diskette that he had the picture on had just melted from the heat in the studio. He talked about that for a short time.
Howard said he worked on some other pictures over the weekend. He said that he was able to take his face and melt it into a sand dune picture. He was also talking about how he was listening to some metal music while he was doing his painting. He said that he was very angry and he had to vent somehow so that's how he did it.
Howard said that he has to bring in all of his art work to show to Robin sometime. He said it's unbelievable what he has going on there. He said his hobby seems to be avoiding his family. '
Robin couldn't believe that Howard was spending so much time working on pictures of Sally Jesse Raphael. Howard said he can't imagine spending time on anything else. He said he called Jeff Schick from IBM and asked him what program he should be using for something like that and he was told about this Colorworks program. He said he spent about 2 days learning it and then started drawing stuff. He said he felt good after he got that stuff out of his head and on the computer. He said all he knows now is that he's created a masterpiece. Now he's at peace and doesn't need to do anything else.
Howard said he saw Sally on with Charles Scrotum (Grodin) the other night and the two of them ended up talking about him. He said he had the audio of that to play for Robin. After an edited out break Howard came back and played that clip. Sally and Grodin were talking about Howard and the ''hateful'' things he does. Howard said you don't even know what the guy is talking about in that clip.
Howard played some more of the Grodin interview with Sally and goofed on the two of them for a few minutes. He talked about how she could be replaced in a second if she left that show. He pointed out that she's not a personality who isn't replaceable. He goofed on her looks and how her face was frozen after some botched facial surgery and how they have to cover her up with a layer of make up that makes her look ridiculous.
Howard said all of that stuff is what inspired him to draw the picture of Sally getting her skull f'd. He said he had to create that for Robin so she could have it on her computer as well. Robin said she didn't think about her once this weekend so she's not sure why he's so obsessed.
Howard said he'd love to have that crater face call into his show to take him on. He said he can't blame the doctor for the way she looks, he had to put the blame on her.
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Male Queen For A Day. 8/17/01. 7:30am
Howard had 3 guys come in to play a game of Queen for a Day to win a trip to the Moonlight Bunny Ranch were prostitution is legal. The winner gets to have sex with a whore. One of the whores from the ranch came in to show the guys what they can win. Dixie Cupps was the whore who came in and Howard was very surprised at how hot looking she was. He was surprised that she was a whore. He spent quite a while interviewing her about how much money she can make at this Bunny Ranch place. He tried to find out how much it costs to do certain acts but she said it all depends on the guy and if she's attracted to him or not. She told Howard that she'd charge Artie Lange $300 to give him oral. She said in every sex act the guy has to wear a rubber. Dixie told Howard that she has a pretty normal life outside of the whore stuff. She has an 8 year old son, but no one wanted to hear that, and she owns her own 37 acre blueberry farm. Dixie went on to tell Howard about how she started out doing this stuff when she was 18 years old after going to a strip club to ask about getting implants. She also filled everyone in on the Moonlight Bunny Ranch and how they have 40 to 50 girls to choose from when you go there. Each one has a bedroom where they take their guys to bang. You can find out more about the ranch at BordelloConfidential.com
Howard tried to get into the game but contestant number one, John the Stutterer, had a problem with this guy James who is a paraplegic. Apparently the two of them got into an altercation in the green room. John tried to explain what happened but he was stuttering up a storm so bad it took him 5 minutes to get the story out. He said that James had asked him if he wanted to have sex with him and then he defended Yucko the clown about being a child molester so John called him a ''fag'' and they got into an argument. Howard kept interrupting John so he kept stuttering more and more and kept starting his sentences over again and again. It was crazy.
Howard said John the Stutterer's problem was obvious to everyone so he didn't need to explain much more about why he should win this game. The second contestant was this guy James who's in a wheelchair. He ended up telling Howard he'd forfeit the win to Yucko the Clown because he can't feel anything below his waist anyway. The only reason he was on the show was to find funding for a vehicle he could drive with his mouth like he does with his wheelchair.
The third contestant was this 21 year old virgin Alex who is just over weight. He says he tries everything to lose weight and get chicks but he just can't do it. He even has some big man-boobs that look really odd because he doesn't have any chest hair. Everyone said he looks like a chick.
After quickly going through each one of the contestants Howard made his decision and had everyone else convinced of the same conclusion. Alex is young and good looking enough to get a chick on his own if he just tries a little harder. James the paraplegic doesn't want the win so he's out too. Howard said that even though John the Stutterer has gotten laid once in his life, there's little chance of that happening again. So it was a unanimous vote for John the Stutterer to win the trip to the Moonlight Bunny Ranch bordello. John the Stutterer was stuttering and stammering up a storm like he's rarely done in past appearances. He seemed to be upset about the whole name calling thing with James which made his stutters longer and more intense than usual.
Dixie Cupps ended up getting naked to show the losers what they lost out on. She had giant breasts and a tattoo of a banjo on her ass according to what everyone was saying. She said she's a country girl and that's why she got the banjo tattoo. John the Stutterer said that he's going to have sex with her if he can when he gets out to the Bunny Ranch.
Seth The Urine Drinker. 02/08/1995. 7:35am
This segment was not in my archives. Here's what happened.
Howard had this guy Seth in to talk about how he drinks urine to keep himself healthy. Howard told the guy he was insane but Seth told him that he's been drinking his own urine, and cow urine, for many years and he's rarely sick. Robin said that she doesn't drink her urine and she hadn't been sick once in the past year.
Howard and Seth spent a few minutes going back and forth about the urine drinking and if it could actually be good for a person. Howard told the guy he might be certifiable but Seth said he's completely sane. Howard chuckled after hearing that.
Seth said that he not only drinks his urine but also rubs it on his ears, up his nostrils and on other body parts. He said that his wife puts up with it even when he smells like a bus station bathroom.
Howard said that this guy Seth was actually going to go to the bathroom, pee in a cup and then come back in and drink it. He asked Gary to keep an eye on the guy to make sure he actually does it. They went off and did that during a commercial break.
After the edited out commercial break Howard had Seth come back in with his cup of urine. Seth eventually started taking sips of the pee and gargling it. Jackie was gagging the whole time and sounding like he was going to vomit. Robin kept asking someone to get him something to throw up into before he had an accident.
Seth drank some of his urine but Robin kept telling the guys that the level wasn't going down. Gary thought she was out of her mind because it looked like it was going down to him. Seth kept gargling it and drinking tiny portions of it. Robin was eventually convinced by the time the guy left.
Eazy-E Interview Replay. 07/03/07. 7:15am
After the break Will and Jason introduced the next segment which was Howard interviewing the late Eazy-E. The segment was not in my archives due to it's age. I don't know what year this interview was from but it was probably pre-1996.
Howard and Robin spent a few minutes talking about Eazy-E and all of the people he brought up to the station with him. Howard had him come in a short time later. He told him he was one bad nigga when he came in since he was in the group Niggas with Attitude (N.W.A.). Howard asked Eazy-E if he's been to jail but he said he wasn't sure.
Howard spoke some African to Eazy-E and rattled off some Tarzan lines. Howard went on to talk about Eazy's history with Dr. Dre and all of the bad things that have happened to Eazy in his career.
Howard talked to Eazy about the problems he's had with Dr. Dre. He also talked to him about Snoop Dogg and his dealings with him. Dr. Dre put out his record Eazy gets a piece of that. They figured that Dr. Dre must be pissed about that.
Howard played some of Eazy's music and went through the song that was about the other rappers he doesn't like. Robin thought it was a bit of a joke but Eazy said it was no joke to him, he was serious about that stuff. Howard wanted to meet his posse too so he had the guys bring them into the studio. Eazy's manager came in and told Howard about some of the stuff he's done with Eazy over the years. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to his manager and some of the other people who were with him.
Danny Mags, Fart Sniffer, Comes In. 2/18/99. 7:00am
This guy claimed that he could tell what Howard ate the night before if he smelled his farts. Howard had the guy come in to do that but he was out of gas by the time he came in. Howard said the guy looked like a bad ass biker dude who'd been in jail. Danny said that was pretty much correct. He's in a heavy metal band and he has gotten into some trouble. So anyway, Howard had Benji come in since he had some farts to blast. Benji bent down in front of Danny and ripped a good one. The guy almost puked when he smelled it but he said it stunk like poultry then he said maybe beef. Benji confirmed that he ate a ton of chicken yesterday so Danny was right. Then Benji said he could fart up another one from what he ate earlier in the day yesterday. That one stunk like rotten eggs according to Danny. Benji said he was right because he had eaten some eggs. Gary also had to fart so he blipped one in Danny's face. Dan tried to sniff it but said he couldn't tell what it was. 2 out of 3 ain't bad. Danny plugged his band X-Cellerate or Accelerate.. one of those two.. They're playing at the Green Derby in Edison, NJ on March 27.
Hank The Dwarf And Beetlejuice. 3/17/00. 7:50am
Hank the dwarf and Beetlejuice the tiny headed dwarf came in to hang out for a little while this morning. Howard heard that the two of them got into a little fight out in the hallway. Beetlejuice came in first. He had his hair and eyebrows painted green for St. Patrick's day. He told Howard that he's going to be in the New York St. Patrick's day parade today. Howard tried to find out how he did that but Beetlejuice can never give a straight answer. Howard brought in Hank a few minutes later to find out why the two of them were fighting it out. For the next 20 minutes the two of them had a pissing contest over the dumbest things. If Hanks drinking came up Beetlejuice would say that he can drink more than him. If Hank's height came up Beetlejuice would say he's taller than him. Beetle said that he's better than Hank at just about everything. Hank called Beetle a ''stupid little midget'' and everyone pointed out that Beetle is taller than Hank. Hank said that if he is taller it's only by a couple of inches. Apparently this all started back at Howard's birthday show a few weeks ago. Hank said that Beetle didn't want him to meet William Shatner for some reason and the two of them started in with each other at that point. Beetle said he doesn't even know who Shatner is and he doesn't know why he didn't want Hank to meet him.
After the arguing Howard brought in this British TV show host who wanted to interview Hank. The host of the show ''Freak Out'', Matt, came in with his crew to interview Hank. Matt has flipper hands so Howard spoke to him about that for a couple of minutes then turned over the show to him. The interview Matt did was really lame and it wasn't going anywhere so Howard gave up on it.
This guy Mike had come down to try and win breast implants for his wife. He had agreed to suck Hank's toes to win the implants. Hank didn't want any part of it unless he was going to get paid. Gary told him they'd give him $800 courtesy of iWon.com for his trouble. He was also afraid that the guy was gay but Mike says he's not. Gary took off Hank's one shoe and everyone was disgusted by his uncut toe nails. Hank says he never cuts them. Some people were even saying that they were green from fungus or something. Howard told the guy that he had to suck and kiss all of his toes and put all 5 in his mouth to win the implants. Mike didn't seem to hesitate much. He went right to it and sucked those green toes. He won the implants which will be put in by Dr. Sal Calabro.
For more info on Beetlejuice you can check out JollyDwarf.com and Hank's web site is at HankTheDwarf.com
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Stuttering John Up At Boston University. 5/9/97. 6:25am
Yesterday Howard was talking about how his college ignores him and doesn't acknowledge his existence. Then he came up with an idea, send Stuttering John up there with a giant 4' X 8' painting of himself. John would then present the school with the painting and make them put it up on the alumni wall with all of the other celebrities. So John flew up to Boston and went over to Boston University to do his job. He called in a couple of times during the morning to give Howard updates on his progress. There aren't many celebrities on the alumni wall. There's Jason Alexander from Seinfeld and Olympia Dukakis. That's about it for famous people. There was a picture of Howard there today but according to some students that John found there was no picture of him yesterday. They must have heard Howard talking about it yesterday so they threw one up just to quiet him down. Throughout the morning John was all over the Boston University campus trying to get interviews.
Around 8:00 Stuttering John called in from Boston University again. This time he was at the Chancellor's office. The Chancellor wasn't in but there was an assistant there. Howard gave the assistant a message for Chancellor Silber. He freaked out about being ignored by the college he graduated from and he won't take it anymore. A little while later John went up and tried to interview Silber. Silber was a wise guy and said that he thought Howard was a sports announcer. John then walked right into his office and got thrown out. Howard told John to go and find some Public Relations guy who will give Howard a statement. Howard then went back to interviewing Branford. He played a couple of tracks from Branford's new album and actually enjoyed them.
Tom Chiusano's Broken Pinkie. 9/26/02. 7:50am
Howard said there was something strange going on with General Manager Tom Chiusano. He said that Tom was walking around with a cast on his hand because he'd broken his pinkie. Howard said Tom didn't want to talk about it with him because it was something dumb that he'd done. Howard said he later found out that Tom punched a door after his suit fell on the floor. There was more to it though. Tom came in and explained what happened that day. He played a card game with some friends and ended up losing for the 20th week in a row so he got pissed. He went home and started hanging his freshly cleaned suit and punched the suit in anger a few times. When he did that he hit the door it was hanging on and broke his pinkie. Howard and the rest of the guys ended up goofing on Tom for about 15 minutes after hearing the whole story.
Today's Mammary Lane show was over around 10:45am.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:50am.