|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show asking Robin how Florida was. Robin said it was great so Howard told her that the guys on the Wrap Up Show are speculating on what she's doing down there. Robin said she hasn't been down there in months. Next weekend she's out to L.A. to do the Joan Rivers roast. She said that blows his theory about her going down to Florida to see someone.
Robin said that someone was trying to take a picture of her in a bathing suit down in Florida. She said it was a paparazzi guy trying to get a shot and she's not interested in that at all. Howard said they have some paparazzi maniacs down there. He's had the same problem down in Florida.
Robin said she saw the guy the night before when she went into a fashion show. She said she had walked in on that ''accidentally.'' Robin said she went down to take a look and this guy asked to take a picture. She said okay the first time and denied him the second time. Then he showed up the next night and he asked him not to take pictures and he snapped away anyway.
Howard said women are very sensitive about that kind of thing. Howard said that most women don't want to be photographed like that. Howard said that guy will sell the pictures to The National Enquirer or someone like that and they'll be doing some kind of cellulite or not cellulite picture spread.
Robin said she was down in Florida with Artie's sister and some other friends. They were there to celebrate some birthdays.
Howard said he wonders what Robin is up to down there. She's not open like she used to be. Robin said she's being open. She told Howard that Annemarie called her and asked her to go down and celebrate a birthday. That's the reason she was down there. She said that's all that happened.
Howard said he was photographed down in Florida one time and they said he was fat. Howard said he wasn't fat at the time and he's not sure he could lose anymore weight. Howard said that guy would have a camera up Robin's hole if he could.
Howard said Robin's G-cups are inspiring more song parodies. He said Robin found out last week that she had revealed that. Howard said everyone is excited about this whole thing. Howard played one of the new song parodies to the tune of AC/DC's ''Dirty Deeds'' which was Robin talking about her ''34-G.''
Robin said she was with some friends this weekend and they were trying to explain to someone who had never heard the show about these songs and it was pretty funny.
Howard played another Dan the Song Parody Man song parody about Robin's G-cups. This was to the tune of Billy Joel's ''It's Still Rock and Roll To Me.'' Howard said Robin's breasts are inspiring more people to create songs about her. Robin said she's thrilled about that.
Howard said that John wasn't doing much of anything for about 5 years. He said that's what he wants to do when he retires. Howard said that his agent doesn't believe that he can do nothing but he thinks that he can. Howard played the song a short time later.
Howard said people don't believe that he could sit and stare at a wall when he retires. He thinks that he can. Robin said that John Lennon had to let it go at some point. Howard said he did and he was able to do it. Howard said he can do it too.
Howard said he loves the version of the song he had just played. It was a demo version of ''Watching the Wheels.'' He and Fred liked the song better than the album version that came out. Lennon was playing guitar in the song and Howard liked that too. Howard said that Yoko Ono probably found that version on a tape in a box somewhere.
Howard said that's starting to happen with Michael Jackson now. He said he's not even sure where it's coming from. Howard said they released one song where Jackson covers America's ''Horse with No Name.'' Howard played some of Michael's cover of the song but it was his own version of it. Robin said they'd be better off keeping that one in a drawer.
Artie asked Howard some questions about John Lennon and what album he was working on at the time. He thought it was Double Fantasy. Fred said that he thinks that he was working on some stuff for Yoko at the time he was killed. Howard said that whole thing was creepy and he can't imagine why anyone would want to kill John Lennon of all people.
Howard said Chris Daughtrey has covered Lady Gaga's ''Poker Face'' song. He played that song too. Howard didn't last too long with that.
Howard played the audio of Casey talking about the CD and said that it always sounds like the guy is reading to him. He goofed on that a bit and then played the rest of the tape where Casey is talking about the Compact audio Disc that has no grooves and is digital and read by a laser... etc.
Howard said it sounds like someone in Germany telling the Jews not to worry about Hitler when Casey is talking about LP records not becoming obsolete overnight. Artie said that's funny because that's exactly what happened. He said it happened in two seconds.
Howard said it would have been great if he had said that music would soon be free and record companies would be bankrupt.
Howard said that guy has quite an ability to prognosticate. Artie said he does sound pretty condescending. Howard and the guys goofed on the way Casey delivers his lines and starts off with ''You know...'' at the start of every sentence.
Howard read some quotes of Nick talking about how ''Some of the greats have came out of this place.'' when they were in one city finding talent. Howard said he doesn't get how you can make a mistake like that after going to school. Howard and Robin both figure the guy knows better than that and he's just acting like that for the show.
Howard read another quote where Nick Cannon was talking about a woman who has a hair lip and was losing her hair. Howard said Nick says ''It's one of 'dem moments...'' Howard said you don't even know how to take that thought apart when you hear that. He said it makes you want to shake him and ask why he wants to teach kids to speak like that.
Howard wondered if the guy has to talk like that to get some acceptance. Howard said he kind of likes that they have this young guy on the show because it makes it a little more youthful. He said that the grammar is horrible though.
Howard said he's not even sure what he does. He thought he was a musician. Artie said he's an actor. He told Howard some of the movies he's been in and said that he may also think of himself as a comedian.
Howard said they wouldn't let a white guy get away with that on a show. He said that this is actually racism and the producers of the show thinking that it's okay for him to do stuff like that because he's black.
Howard said another quote was Nick saying ''You hit them spins...'' He said he knows that this is going to get back to Nick and if he was on the show he'd probably speak proper English.
Howard played another news clip where a reporter said ''cock'' instead of ''clock'' during a report about clocks.
Robin said that Nick Cannon is also a rapper from what she read. Howard said that might explain the bad grammar. Howard said he doesn't have perfect grammar himself but he admits it.
Howard played another news report where a reporter said orgasm instead of organism. She was reporting about some algae in the water there.
Howard played another one where a Phillies reporter said ''Rock around the cock'' instead of clock. Howard said those guys take that announcing really seriously so that guy must have been really upset by that.
Howard read some of the article he read about Tom Sizemore and Heidi Fleiss. They were arguing and ended up getting into a staring match. Heidi was asked to leave the house and stayed at her sister's house for one night. The producers of the show say it didn't happen the way they were claiming and it would be shown when the episodes air.
Howard said this seems almost like it's more about entertainment than helping people. Artie laughed when he heard that. He said that Dr. Drew has said that he's not in charge of getting those people on the show.
Howard said he has OCD and he has to send those things out so that's what he was doing. Robin said she breaks every chain. She never forwards that stuff.
Howard was talking about becoming very religious and going out to temple this weekend to do all kinds of stuff like reading the Torah and things like that. He said he's not allowed to handle money on Friday nights either and he doesn't want that secret getting out. He was joking about all of that of course.
Howard said that Ivanka Trump is becoming Jewish. Howard said she's marrying a Jew and she's going to become Jewish. Artie said that Donald has come out and said that he's very happy about that.
Howard said he saw a picture of Jay Leno wearing some kind of white racing suit at an event and he had guys standing next to him. The guys had shirts on that said ''He Loves cock'' and ''He's Gay'' with arrows pointing at Jay. Howard said he loves that. He showed it to Artie and Robin who got a laugh out of that.
The caller said Robin was so funny talking about that last week. He said that she was very excited and elated about it. Howard said they had some women over this weekend and he told the story about Robin's bra. The women had heard about this bra place where Robin found out she was wearing the wrong size all these years. He said she's like a witch who can just tell you by looking at you what size you are.
Howard said he told these women about Robin and the fact that she had a breast reduction and she was still this size. Howard said Robin's hears must have been burning with him talking so much about this.
The caller asked if he could get a tour of the studio. Howard put him on hold and said he could. He played Dan the Song Parody Man's ''34-G'' song parody after that. Artie said that song shows just how great those old songs were. You can put any lyrics to them and they sound great.
Another caller said that he saw Paul McCartney over the weekend and he thought he rocked. He asked if Howard got to see him. Howard said he didn't get out there but he did hear from McCartney's people. He wasn't in town so he didn't go. Howard said he has seen Paul a couple of times recently though.
The caller said that Billy Joel came out and performed with Paul. Howard said he heard from Gary about the concert and said that it was worth the high price of the tickets.
The caller said that he heard that Paul did some rehearsals and they did like 5 songs in the rehearsal. He mentioned one song that Howard liked.
Gary came in and said that may have been the best concert he's ever seen. He told Howard and the guys about some of the songs he did and how great the whole thing was. He said that the last 14 songs were Beatles hits and his voice was phenomenal. Gary said at one point Paul started to do Purple Haze on guitar and that was great too.
Gary said his kids know all of the songs too so they were thrilled. He said that when he did ''Live and Let Die'' the kids went nuts.
Howard said poor Paul is out there trying to make money back since that broad took so much from him. That led to the guys talking about guys who have lost money to their ex-wives. Howard said that's bad when you have to write out a check every month. Gary said he knew a guy who had to do it every week.
Howard said that Vinnie's wife is on board with him and she called into the Wrap Up Show to let them know. He played the audio of her calling in and backing Vinnie up on his dream. You can read about that in last week's archive.
Debbie had mentioned that Vinnie had some investors for his play but he wasn't ready to take the money yet so he was still working on it. Howard said he loves Debbie but he doesn't think that Vinnie has any investors. Howard said that if he did, he would have taken the money. Howard said he's working on this Porky's remake but he didn't put up the money himself. He said that he was asked to come into the project but he's not putting his own money into it.
Howard said that Cronkite went on to a bunch of reporter jobs that were mind numbing. He was involved with a bunch of stuff and eventually got the shot at anchoring the CBS evening news. Howard said he became the ''most trusted man in America'' after that. Howard said they really don't make reporters like that anymore. Most of the anchors are actors and they don't do anything but look handsome and can read off a teleprompter. Howard said that is a skill but Cronkite was the kind of guy who would go out and report not his stuff himself and fact check stuff himself too. The guy actually cared about what he was doing.
Howard said the entire news industry had changed and most people don't have any common sense about what to report on or not report on and they have zero integrity. Howard said that's why the news is coming from guys who are basically actors.
Howard said they used to send Stuttering John out to do these interviews and he once got one with Walter. Howard talked about how Cronkite used to get upset about the people who were getting the jobs in news. Howard said John would mangle the language and Walter hated that stuff. He said they would purposely write them wrong so it would drive Walter nuts.
Howard asked Fred if he had access to those old clips. Fred said he did and he told Howard to be patient with them because the first one took a little while to get into. In the clip John asked Walter Cronkite if he thought the quality had slipped in news. Walter said he did think that. John also asked him what he thought William Daily (Paily) had done that made him seem so friggin' important. Walter didn't like the language and told him to upgrade his language and that would help society. Walter didn't like the word ''frigging'' that John had used.
The guys talked about how often John would screw up names and words. He was supposed to be asking about William Paily and said ''Daily.''
The caller on the line asked Fred to play an old call with Ronnie's voice where the guy says ''I'll pay you to meet you...'' Fred said he'd try to find it and play it later this morning.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Howard will have to stay at SIRIUS when his contract is up. Howard said that's still along way away and he's not sure what's actually going to happen. He said that Mel Karmazin doesn't sweat that stuff and he will wait until the last minute to try and make a deal with him. Howard said they'll see what happens when that time comes.
Howard asked Robin if he could play with her boobs if Beth goes away for a month and leaves him. Robin pointed out that questions like that could be considered sexual harassment. Howard said it's sad when you can't even ask a woman if you can play with her boobs.
Gary had some audio of Senator Al talking about the kid thing. He tried to find it for Howard to play but they had taken it down from the system about a week ago and he wasn't able to find it.
Howard said he thinks that guys who do this kid thing at that age are miserable and they just want other guys to be miserable with them. Howard said he sees Larry King running around with the young kids and he knows he's miserable.
Gary found the clip of Senator Al talking about the kid thing. Al was saying that he has a 16 month old and a baby girl on the way and he's 72 years old. In the clip Al was talking about how it keeps him young. Howard said he can't imagine a quicker way to end his marriage than to have a kid. Artie said there has to be a psychological thing there because it sounded like he was being evil in that clip. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he had Senator Al D'Amato there. Howard said that he's one of the few people in office who actually spoke to them while he was in office.
Howard said that Al's anniversary just went by this past weekend and he sent him a note about that. Howard said there were some people who thought it wasn't going to last. Howard admitted he was one of them.
Howard said Al can't be as happy as he claims he is. Al is going to be 72 in about 10 days. Howard said he looks good for his age. Howard said some people would say he has it all. He has a hot wife and a bunch of kids. Howard said there are some of his kids are older than him. Howard said Al even has some who are older than Al.
Howard said Al isn't the one chasing the kids around the house. Al said he's working a full time job and he usually leaves between 9 and 9:30. He said that he works in the city and he has to travel in from Long Island. Al said he has a consulting firm now and they have about 16 people in the business and his son is his partner.
Howard asked Al when he gets home. Al said he does a Tuesday TV show with Mayor Koch. Howard said he's proving him right, he's never home.
Al said he goes to Washington DC once a month. He's going down there for some poker event. Howard said that he and Al play poker.
Al told Howard about how they passed a bill that bans people from playing poker at home on the internet. He said that he can't believe that those stupid asses passed that bill while all of this other stuff is going on in the world. Al said that they were saying that the kids were going to become addicted but he wonders if they ever thought about the parents taking some responsibility.
Al said that they're basically saying that you can't use the most modern means to play poker. He said that's why he's going down to Washington to ask President Obama to let the online poker playing come back. He said that people should be allowed to use the internet the way they want.
Howard asked Al about people who are out of control and playing poker online. Al said that they can go to casinos if they want to gamble badly enough. He said that people should be allowed to do it online if they want to.
Howard asked Al when he's home with his kids. Al said he just got back from Italy with his 17 month old. He said that he didn't have a nanny with him but he did have his mother-in-law with them. He said they had the baby and a van and a driver and they went to Tuscany and Florence and places like that. Howard said he never leaves this country because he can see everything he wants to see here. Robin and Al told him he can't see everything and there are great things to see all over the world.
Al asked Howard to join his poker players organization and told him to go to ThePPA.org to check it out.
Howard asked Al more about the kids and Al really seemed to be into the kids. Howard said he heard the tape that he had made for him and he's not going to have kids. Al told him he needs a child. Howard said he really doesn't. Howard asked Al why he's standing up for the poker industry and not for him. Al said that's what he is doing.
Howard asked Al about this kook Sarah Palin. Al said that she wasn't prepared to handle things and they didn't give her the support she needed. He said she wasn't prepared for prime time. He was defending her and said that she just wasn't ready for the whole thing and she's not a bad person. Howard said that John McCain made a big mistake picking her as his running mate.
Al was on fire about the poker thing. Al said that's because they pay him a lot of money. He said that it is the right thing though and you can't tell people they can't play poker on the internet. He said that the bill they have to support is HR267.
Howard asked Al about Elliot Spitzer and spent a short time talking about him. Al said that Spitzer was increasing fines for the Johns of prostitutes while he was busy sleeping with a prostitute. He said that's just not right.
Howard said that Al never had to go to a hooker. Al said that he was with women who weren't prostitutes but sometimes they can be more expensive.
Howard said that Al was engaged to Claudia Cohen for a while and he thought that she was going to get him to the alter. Al said that she was a great lady.
Howard asked Al if he ever thinks about the other women that he's been with in his life. Al said that he never does. He said his wife is so much stronger than him that he's not going to think about that stuff. Al said he loves his wife very much and he doesn't even need to pleasure himself. Howard said he has to pleasure himself sometimes.
Howard gave Al some plugs for this web site that he mentioned. Howard said that this poker thing is a problem and you can go to ThePPA.org to find out more.
Howard asked Al about Bernie Madoff and if he knew him at all. Al said he didn't know him. He ended up talking about the prison he's in and how many people he hurt. They said that it is hell not to have your freedom in that prison but Al didn't seem to think that it was that bad of a place to be staying.
Howard said that Al supported McCain in the election. Howard asked if he and Rudy Giulianni were friends. Al said that they used to be friendly but not anymore. He said that some things went down but he's saving those stories for a book. He told Howard he wants to do a book with the same book publisher he had.
Howard and Al talked about the war over in Iraq and what's going on in Afghanistan. Al said that we need to stay out of Afghanistan and just use the drones if they use anything. Al said it's impossible to win anything over there in Afghanistan. Robin said they should fence in those countries. Al said there is no reason for us to be there in that country because we're spilling the blood of our best and youngest military.
Howard said that Al was making a lot of sense. Al said we need to protect our own borders and support our allies. He said that there is no winning over in Afghanistan. He said no one has ever won there and we will never win either.
Howard asked Al if he had seen the movie ''Bruno'' yet. Al said he hadn't seen it. Howard told him what the movie was about and how he had been hearing from some fans who hated it. Howard said he loved the movie. He told Al about some of the scenes like where Bruno came on to Ron Paul and Ron ends up running out of the room.
Howard told Al about Robin's new bra size too. He told him how she had just found out she's a 34-G and not the 36-DD that she thought she was. Al said that his wife is pretty big now that she's pregnant too. He said she's 6 months pregnant right now and he still makes love to her even at that advanced stage. Al didn't want to get into too many details but he does love his wife and he loves it even when her stomach is getting bigger.
Howard sounded surprised that Al was talking about this stuff. At one point he did something visual and said that the show wasn't going to be on TV. Howard said of course it is. Al said ''Oh shit!'' like he had just made a huge mistake. He quickly forgot about it though.
Howard asked Al some questions about the health care system and also if Al would lobby for other people like he's doing for this poker players thing. Al said it all depends on the kind of money they pay him. Howard asked if he would back pot smokers. Al said that he would think about it. He said there is some merit to the thought of making it legal and using the money to support a state like California.
Howard asked Al if he ever smoked pot himself. Al said he missed it. He said the pot thing didn't start until he was out of college and he never got into it. He said it if he had been around a couple more years, maybe he would have been in on it. Al said he didn't not do it because he thought he was too good for it or anything like that.
Howard reviewed some of the stuff that Al was talking about and asked if he's going to have sex with his wife right up until she's 9 months pregnant. Al said he will do it as long as she will let him. He said he's not sure it would last until 9 months. Howard said it would be like having a threesome if he's still doing it at the 9th month. Howard said it's like there's a person in there at some point and it has to be weird.
Artie mentioned that with the drone thing that Al mentioned earlier, they can actually control a drone plane from Las Vegas all the way over to Afghanistan so that's exactly what they should be doing. Al said that they can't force people into democracy. Howard said that Saddam Hussein was able to control that region while he was in office. The guy may not have been a good guy but he was able to keep people in control over there.
Howard said he was backing Al on this poker thing. Al asked if they can put him on their web site. Howard didn't say no but it sounded like he didn't have much of a choice. Al said that Howard can't say no to him.
Al told a story about playing poker with Howard and Dominic. Al said he always loved the way Howard would play for just a couple of bucks and not a ton. Howard said that's because it was just a friendly game that they were playing.
Howard wrapped up with Al and said it was about time for him to go home and have sex with his wife for the first time of the day. Al said that sometimes they do it twice a day. Howard sounded shocked by that. Al said he really loves this woman. Howard said he hopes he has 6 more kids and 3 more wives. Al told him not to say that. Al said he does want to have more kids though. He said he thinks he'll be around for them even if he has more in the future.
Al asked Howard how his parents are doing. Howard said that they're doing fine and told him how his father just turned 86. They spent a little more time on that and then went to break.
Howard had another song about Robin's G-cups. That one was by Brian Cullen. Howard played that one which was ''Nothin' But a G Thang.'' Howard also played Dan the Song Parody Man's song ''34-G'' to the tune of ''Dirty Deeds.'' He played his other song parody to the tune of a Billy Joel song. Howard said that one goes on for a full 6 minutes.
Artie said that Senator Al kissed Howard during the break and gave him a kiss on the cheek Howard said that he wouldn't let him go. Artie said that's an Italian thing and it's very odd when a man goes to kiss you like that. Howard said it's quite heady when a former Senator does that.
Gary said that Little Mikey was there this morning re-recording all of his song parodies to change the DD mentions to G. Howard played some of the stuff he was working on this morning. Howard had a few of his songs that he had to re-recorded.
Howard said they had an emergency meeting last week about the song parodies and they have to get everyone in there to change their songs.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Al was a great guest. He asked if he had spoken about Walter Cronkite this morning. Howard said he had already done that rap. The caller asked if his mom cried over that. Howard said he doesn't live with his mother so he's not sure. Howard ended up doing an impression of her talking about Cronkite's death though.
Howard said he remembers the days when they were showing dead bodies in Vietnam during the war. He said that this was the first time they were covering the war on TV and it was very graphic. He said it became the backdrop of growing up and it was very surreal to see it happening. Howard said he lucked out that he didn't get drafted into that war.
Gary said he's actually the one who got the offer to vote. He said he's not even sure why that is. Howard read some of the names of the people who were being nominated. He read some details about each person like Gary Burbank who had changed his name from Gary Purser. Howard read that he had been ''dominating Cincinnati radio...'' and said he had never heard of him. Howard read about a bunch of other guys who were nominated and he had never heard of.
JD came in and said that he was a fan of Gary Burbank when he was living out in Cincinnati. He said the guy had a sports comedy show. Howard asked if he had echo chamber on his voice. JD said he probably did. Howard did an impression of what he thought the guy might sound like.
Howard read that Dr. Demento was in the list. He sarcastically said that Dr. Demento was much more innovative than he ever was so of course he'd be on the list.
Howard read about some more of the people on the list and ended up talking about some of the job offers he had in the past. He was offered a job in Toronto and he's glad he didn't take that one. He said that it would have been very odd to live up there. He said he was afraid that he'd get stuck up there or something. The guys told him he probably wouldn't have lasted because they did kick him off when he eventually got on with his syndicated show.
Howard said he had a meeting to do a show in Chicago at one point. He said it was really windy up there and he witnessed what the ''Windy City'' thing was all about that day. Howard talked about his job offers in Detroit and places like that as well.
Howard read some of the other names on the list and found Wendy Williams on there. Howard said she does a show similar to his. Robin said that he was Wendy's inspiration. Howard said that this guy Joe E Reynolds claims that he's the guy who inspired Howard Stern. Howard said he must have listened to him and improved on his show because he's more popular than that guy ever was.
Robin said that they hired Joe E Reynolds to replace them at WNBC after they were fired. Then they hired Alan Colmes.
Artie asked Howard if he lasted 98 years and maybe just got into that crazy stuff the last few months. Howard said he would rather die at 42 and not have to go through something like that. He said he doesn't want to be caught in something like Carradine was caught in.
Howard said he got some email and one guy told him he owed him $18 for going to see Bruno. Howard said he liked the movie. Howard said Richard was taped at the Bruno movie and he was laughing through the whole thing. Howard said he's like Robert De Niro in Cape Fear. Howard played some of the audio of that and Richard did sound like De Niro's character. He was laughing really hard and loud during the movie. Robin thought it was staged but Howard said that's really what he sounds like.
Howard said the number 1 movie was Harry Potter and it made some crazy amount of money. Robin said it made 89 million. Howard said his daughter saw it and said it was good.
Artie said the best thing about that Cape Fear movie is that De Niro was laughing at ''Problem Child'' during that scene. That led to Howard playing more of Richard's laughing over the De Niro clip.
Artie said he and Richard went to see the last Star Wars movie together. He said Richard was doing his Chewbacca impression before the movie. He said people got fed up with it and just wanted him to stop.
Howard asked Richard what scene he was laughing at during that clip. Richard said it was the Ron Paul scene. Howard read the email he got from a guy about how stupid the Bruno movie was. Howard said he doesn't get that. He loved the movie.
Howard said that Bruno did drop at the box office. It made $30 million the first weekend but dropped down to $8 million this weekend. Gary said there are some people who think it's weird to see the movie because it's so gay. Howard said he has some friends like that who won't go to see it on their own either.
Howard took a call from a guy who was talking about how gay Richard and Sal were when they did their Cockyoke thing last week. He said it was the gayest thing he had ever seen. Howard said it was kind of gay when Richard was handling Sal's cock to get it into the microphone stand. Richard said it wasn't that odd to do it. He said it was like handling his own cock.
Sal said that he was trying to keep that whole thing secret from his wife. He said that his dry cleaners he uses actually play Howard's show and his wife went in to get his clothes and came out saying that someone said she wanted to play Cockyoke with him. Sal said he pretended he didn't know what that was.
Howard said he's pretty sure that show has to be one of the most watched on Howard TV. Sal said he wants to do a whole concert doing Cockyoke.
Howard asked Doug Goodstein what the top shows are over at Howard TV from last week. Doug looked into it as Richard was talking about how much he loved that show and the Bruno segment. Doug wasn't able to get the updated list for the shows. He said that he guarantees that Sal and Richard's show will be at number one by this week and it will stay up there for quite a while.
Howard said it seemed like Sal may have been getting hard during that whole thing. Richard said that's what happened and that's why he had to push it back into the mic stand.
Howard read about the top movies of the weekend and found that Bruno had dropped down to $8.4 million. Howard said that's a shame because he thought it was great. Howard and the guys talked about what Sacha Baron Cohen should do for his next movie and suggested he do another Ali G movie. Richard suggested he come up with a retarded character or something. Howard said he doesn't do one of those though.
Howard said that Richard and Sal should do their impressions in a movie. Richard has a couple of goofy voices he does. Sal does a black guy but that's about it. He does a southern voice once in a while but not that much.
Howard gave the guys some suggestions about what they could do but then told them to scrap the whole thing when Sal said he could do the black voice in a prison movie.
Gary said that Sal was thinking about doing a bit where he'd get pissed on by Richard but he'd have Saran wrap on his face. They can't do that kind of thing in the studio though. There was also mention of Sal and Richard pissing in each other's mouths but with a cup in the mouth. Howard said that he hopes they use protection when they do this stuff in private. He had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and had the guys bring in Miss Howard TV for august, Melissa Anne Teixeira. Howard said that her last name is pronounced ''Tex-era.'' There was some confusion about that earlier.
Howard said that Melissa is in really good shape and asked what kind of work out she does. She said she actually doesn't do anything. She was wearing a bikini so Howard checked that out. She had a tramp stamp on her back too. She had that done when she was only 15.
Melissa said that she's from Fall River, Massachusetts and that's where Hank the Dwarf was from. She works at a car dealership up there. She said that she usually dresses conservatively up there though. Howard said he would go on drives with her and hope that she'd fall in love with him. Howard said he knows nothing about cars and she's a Hemi expert so he has no idea what that means.
Melissa said that she's called the Hemi Girl because she knows so much about Hemi engines. She said that she started selling cars around the time that Chrysler reintroduced the Hemi engine and she fell in love with it.
Howard asked Melissa if she knows more than Ronnie about the Hemi. Howard said that would be great if she did. Howard said maybe she should do a show with Ronnie. She said that Ronnie is pretty knowledgeable about cars so she's not sure.
Howard called Ronnie in there and said they'll call him Hemi Man if he wins. Howard had some questions for them and asked Melissa Anne ''What is the name Hemi short for?'' It was short for Hemispherical combustion chamber. She was right. Ronnie was asked when the Hemi was first introduced. Ronnie wasn't sure. He said it was in the 50s. He guessed 53 and got it wrong. Melissa didn't get it either. It was actually 1951.
Howard asked how many valves the Hemi has for each cylinder. Melissa didn't know, Ronnie did, it was two. Howard asked Melissa what other Chrysler products had a Hemi engine. She said it was Jeep and Dodge. There was some confusion about that since they had some old information and some new. Howard gave it to her.
Howard asked a bunch of other Hemi questions. Ronnie and Melissa were tied at the end. Artie asked Melissa if she would blow him. Ronnie said ''No I won't.'' Melissa didn't answer him with a yes or no.
Howard said that Melissa is 5'7'' tall and has implants. She has a 34-C and they're not cartoonish looking according to Howard. Howard read that she had some eye issues when she was in high school. She said that she used to sit too close to the TV and they used to be crossed. She said that she got surgery to get them fixed. She said that it actually made her eyes go the other way and they used to call her the cookie monster because of that.
Howard read that Melissa lost her virginity to a 24 year old. She likes older guys. She said she can't date guys her age. Howard read some other information that they had on her bio.
Howard asked Melissa about her friend grabbing her boyfriend's dick one tonight. Melissa said she found her friend on the side of the road after she was in an accident. She took her home and they only had a one bedroom apartment at the time. She said that her boyfriend popped a rod and the friend grabbed it and they ended up doing a threesome. Melissa said that she went down on the friend and the friend just laid there. Melissa said that her boyfriend got behind her and she went down on the chick. She said it only lasted about 5 minutes. Melissa said that all happened when she was in high school.
Melissa claims that she was a rowdy kid and she would get into trouble for cutting her skirt for Catholic school. She hated the skirts and would cut them up to make them look better.
Howard read that Melissa likes to masturbate a couple of times a day. Howard said Robin talked about how she had masturbated with her foot but she denied it when he brought it up. Howard said he'll produce the tape of her talking about that.
Howard said Melissa likes to have her hair pulled and things like that. She doesn't like anal. Howard said Robin liked it. Robin said that's wrong too and said that she has only done it a couple of times and she doesn't do it now. Melissa said that she got the tip in once and that was it for her.
Howard said that Melissa isn't into black guys. She said she's just not attracted to them. She said there are some cute black guys out there though but she wouldn't do them. Howard said she's a nice looking woman and there's nothing wrong with her that he can see.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if she wanted to ride the Sybian. She said she would do it if they didn't have cameras on. Howard said that she might be right for not doing that if she wants to keep selling cars. Melissa said that things are good up there and not too many people from Fall River are famous. Howard asked if she ever had sex with her boss. She said she actually did have sex with the owner of the place. Howard asked if he was married. She said he wasn't.
Artie asked her what else she would like to do other than selling cars. She said that she would like to act or be an oceanographer. She said she actually did ''21'' and ''Surrogates.'' She was dancing with Kate Bosworth in ''21.'' It was just extra work though.
Howard said you can see Melissa Anne on Howard TV next month. He said you can also see her on the web at TheHemiGirl.com.
A caller asked Melissa if she would let Artie smack her ass. She said she promised that she would get her brother-in-law a signed book from Artie so she figured that would be okay. Howard had Artie go over to her to spank her.
Artie warmed up and then spanked her a few times. She said she liked the sting. She was also saying that her butt isn't that big so getting it attention like that is good. Artie said that her ass was perfect.
Ralph called in and told her to act like she was a woman who wanted to ride the Sybian. He said that her career isn't going to be affected by that. She wasn't going to do it though.
Steve said that they have an update on Captain Janks and his plans to repay the people he ripped off. That plan may be backfiring.
Steve said they have a story about the late night talk show ratings and how David Letterman is beating Conan. Conan's ratings are down 40 percent over what Jay Leno was doing a year ago. Howard said it has to be a bit of an empty win for Dave but he must also be glad that he's winning. Howard said it has to be one of the weirdest stories of all time to take Jay Leno out and put Conan in there. Howard said Conan wasn't getting big ratings or even beating Craig Ferguson. Howard said he's not sure what NBC was thinking when they did that. Howard said he loves Conan but this was a very odd move for NBC.
Steve mentioned that Chuck Zito's show is on tonight at 7pm on Howard 101. He'll be honoring his friend Arturo Gotti. Greg Fitzsimmons' show is also on tonight at Midnight. Steve wrapped up by quoting Walter Cronkite at the end of his news preview. They spent a short time talking about Cronkite before moving on.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down the list of subjects they had for today's show. That led to them talking to Robin about her visit to Florida and how she was being chased by the photographer down there. Howard asked Robin what kind of suit she was wearing and tried to find out if it was something with a deep V cut or something like that. Robin said she was afraid that she had seaweed stuck on her or something like that. She really wasn't ready to be photographed like that. She said that Stacie and Annemarie ran off in different directions when the guy showed up. She said that no one is going to publish their pictures like they would with her's.
Robin said she was just trying to hang out with her friends down there and now she knows what it must have been like for Michael Jackson. Howard played a bunch of the song parodies about Robin that he had been playing earlier in the morning.
Howard asked Robin what part of her she really doesn't like being photographed. Robin said that it would be every part of her. She said she was just in the water and walked out of the ocean so she didn't know what might be showing. Howard said she could have had a fish hanging from her camel toe or something. Jon ran down some more subjects for today's Wrap Up Show and then Howard went to break.
Howard came back and said that Robin was about to start her news. Howard said he just found a story about Bam Margera possibly overdosing yesterday. Howard read that story and they say that he may have overdosed on something but Howard thought that he wasn't into drugs.
Howard said Richard sent him a TV show, Intervention, where they do this intervention thing. He said that there was one chick that was addicted to the cans that you use to spray your computer keyboard. Howard said that's all full of chemicals and you're not supposed to inhale it at all. Richard said that she was taking puffs every 10 or 15 seconds. Howard said it was a real shame because she was a pretty girl and she's addicted to this stuff.
Artie wondered how you get into that for the first time. Howard said she had a boyfriend that got her into it. Howard said the buzz is instantaneous but it only lasts a few seconds. Howard said it's really sad too. Richard said you can see that she's really screwed up by it too because she sounds like she's really out of it in the show.
Howard said he hopes that Bam is okay. He said he's a good dude. Artie agreed with him on that. He said that maybe some of the guys get into pain killers from being injured so much. Howard said they don't know for sure that he even overdosed. Lisa G later spoke to April Margera who told her that it was dehydration and not an overdose.
Howard played Robin in with a song parody that Richard made about her boobs. Robin started off with a story about a guy who was charged ''23 quadrillion dollars'' for a pack of cigarettes at a gas station. The bank fixed the problem for the guy.
Robin read some news about Michael Jackson's death and the kind of investigation they're doing. They are now saying they are doing it as a criminal investigation. Robin said they're holding off on the autopsy results for a few days. Robin had some news about the custody battle for Jackson's kids too. She said it looks like Jackson's mom is going to get custody of the kids instead of Debbie Rowe.
The guys spent a little time talking about what it would be like for Jackson's kids to be raised by Joe Jackson. Howard was goofing around talking about how he'd get his belt out and turn those kids into stars the way he did with Michael.
Robin said that Michael's mother may be contesting the will that was written in 2002. Robin said they're not sure why she would do that since she was left with his estate. Howard said he can't imagine her raising kids when she's a grandmother. Howard said his mother could never handle that kind of thing at that age. Howard ended up doing an impression of his mother and made fun of the way she used to complain about getting too much exercise and not getting enough rest.
Howard said he took his mother out to her favorite restaurant recently. He said it's her favorite Italian place. Howard said he asked her where she wanted to go and she told him it was the best lobster she had ever had. That was Scalinatella. He said that she didn't want to eat too much so he had to tell her to just not eat it all. He said she complained the whole time she had the food. He said that he told her to take it home so that's what she did. He said she took it home and ate it there and still complained that it was too much food. Howard said he told her to just cut it up into threes instead.
Howard said his mother used to be right up his ass with that stuff. He said that she was constantly involved. Howard said it would have been nice if he had a breather once in a while when he was a kid. He said she was always sure he was doing something wrong.
Howard and Artie were goofing on Michael Jackson about the anesthesia that he was allegedly addicted to. They were making it sound like he'd fall asleep after every sentence he said.
Robin read some news about a former James Bond, George Lazenby, who is having some troubles lately. Robin said he's looking for spousal support from his ex-wife.
Robin read some news about a couple of workers who were killed in France as they were setting up a stage for Madonna. They're looking into the cause and are saying that it's being looked at as a homicide. Howard said he's sure they would have rather have been setting up for AC/DC or someone like that instead of Madonna.
Robin read about Paula Abdul getting upset that Ryan Seacrest is making so much doing American Idol. Howard said that she should be upset because Simon Cowell and Ryan are making big money for that show and she just sucks and isn't being offered anything. Howard said that Paula wasn't really well known when she started doing that show. He said they could get someone else to do that show. Howard said they should give her an extra $200 a week or something. Howard said it's not a lot of work. Robin said she doesn't have any deal at all at this point.
Howard said they need to just fill Paula's spot with a homeless crack addict or a Wendy the Retard type. He said they'd be just as good as Paula.
Robin read a story about actor Jim Caviezel having someone throw a bicycle in front of his motorcycle causing him to crash. He came away with just minor injuries.
Robin read some news about Walter Cronkite's death. She had some details on his career that she went through and had some audio clips for Howard to play. She had some audio of him Cronkite talking about the death of John F. Kennedy. Howard said you'd think that was the only story the guy ever covered. Robin had a bunch of clips of various people commenting on his death.
Robin had some Michael Jackson funeral news and clips that she played as well. She had some of his fans commenting on his death and things like that.
Robin read some news about the best selling album of all time. It's the Eagles Greatest Hits. It's been the number one best selling album for the past decade. Robin said that it's the best selling album of all time until now. Michael Jackson's album Thriller could match it this month but that may die down.
Robin read about the Harry Potter movie box office take. They're wondering if they can break the billion dollar mark with this movie. Robin had some audio clips of Daniel Radcliff talking about the movie. Those led to the guys goofing on his accent for a few minutes.
Howard said Lisa G had an update about Bam Margera. She had just gotten off the phone with his mother, April, who said that he was dehydrated and it wasn't an overdose. She said that she was told that he did take an Ambien after drinking beer all day though.
Robin wrapped up her news a short time later and Howard ended the show around 10:50am.
Jon asked Gary if there are any other politicians who call it like Al does. Gary said he always loved him as a senator even though he was a republican. He said he always did things for New York because he loved the state and it wasn't about doing it for the party he was with.
Gary said that Howard and Al get along very well and he was even invited to Howard's wedding. Gary said Tim Sabean is really into politics and he's like a political groupie. He said that one time he was on a flight going out to Las Vegas and D'Amato was on the flight. He saw him at the hotel out there and Tim got a hold of him and started asking him about all kinds of questions about politics. D'Amato put up with Tim for about 10 minutes before he stopped him. He said Tim would have gone on and on if he had let him.
Jon asked Gary about playing poker with Howard and Senator Al. Gary said he got tired of those games after Dominic set up Howard for a win by fixing the deck. Gary said Howard got dealt 5 aces and that's when he stopped playing.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that Al going on and on about the baby had any effect on Howard at all. Gary said it had none at all. Gary said that Howard seems to be holding on to never having a kid pretty well even though he gave in on the marriage thing.
Jon played a clip of Al telling Howard to have a baby. After the clip Ralph called in and said that he saw Senator Al out one time and he stuck his hand out, shook it and gave him a big hug. The guy made him feel important and he remembered him after not seeing him for a long time. Gary said that is one thing that makes a politician great, the ability to remember someone like that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he sued to play poker a lot online and this thing that they're fighting against is a great thing. He said that they prohibit you from playing by not letting you collect your money and things like that. He said that they're taking people's money away from them and not letting you do what you want to do on the web.
Benjy said that he thinks that people should be allowed to play poker online but he's wondering what's different about this compared to people being denied a casino. the caller said that they're being hypocritical with the law because people can still bet on some things on the web, but not poker.
Gary said that Al was defending Sarah Palin today and going off on David Letterman when he called him a prick for the jokes he made about Palin. Gary said he thought that was great.
Jon took some calls and one guy was saying that D'Amato is a people's politician and you'll remember who he is because he wasn't a stuck up snob like some are.
Jon asked Gary about some of the sex stuff Al was talking about today. They were talking about the sex during pregnancy thing and all of that. Jon said he didn't know Howard was so against doing that. Benjy said Howard has talked about that before.
Gary said that he saw guys tripping all over her when she came in. He said he didn't want to be one of those guys but he noticed the rest of them.
Ronnie said that Gange was following him around now because he stole his girl away. Gange said that he was going to be doing the shoot and he had to stop that for now so he figured he'd come in.
Gary said that Gange is pretty involved in the pre-interviews with the girls when they do this Miss Howard TV thing. He said that Gange will be a Melissa-ologist for the next 3 hours. Gary said it's funny to watch.
Jon asked Melissa who is following her around a lot today. She said that she has been seeing a lot of Gange today but that's his job. Ronnie said it's really not his job. She said that he's there to make sure that she's not running around the offices there. Ronnie said that's actually his job.
Gange said that he's going to pass this whole thing down to Gregg Karmel some day. Ronnie said Gange will only do that after he bags one of these girls and marries her.
Ronnie said that Gange never even comes down to the studios until these girls come in. Gange said that he produces these segments so he has to come down for them. Ronnie said Gange was writing a script last Friday so he wasn't able to go out with the guys. Gange said he does write that stuff but that's his job.
The guys talked about the detailed notes that Gange takes on the Miss Howard TV girls. Gary said he takes about 6 pages of notes.
One of the notes that Gange took was about how she's grossed out by guys who are fat. She said that she doesn't mind people who are trying to lose weight. She said that people are just fat in America and they just eat and everyone gets fat.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked how Melissa's butt was feeling. She said it was still hurting actually. She said that she had to do that to get Artie's autograph and that was her way of paying Artie for it. She said that her brother-in-law is the one who suggested her as Miss Howard TV and she had him to thank for that. The guys talked about how he probably thinks about her a lot if he's suggesting her for something like that.
Melissa said that her brother-in-law has gotten her into trouble with her father with some of the stuff she's done on the air on other radio shows so she's not sure why he'd do this for her.
The caller asked Melissa if she was attracted to any of the guys in the studio. She said she was attracted to Howard and Doug Goodstein. Gange said that Doug is hanging all over her today too. Gary said that this has to be torturing Doug because his wife is pregnant right now. Melissa said that she can't date a guy her own age so she likes these older guys.
Benjy asked Melissa about her dating life and found out that she's single right now. She said that she's trying to get her career going and being single is better for her.
Another caller told Melissa to stay away from Gange and Ronnie. He said they were both creepy. The guy said that Gange is so creepy and it's so obvious what he's trying to do. Melissa said that the caller would love it if he had a Gange following him around if he had tits and a nice ass too.
Jon asked Melissa why she picked Doug over Gange. He wondered if it was the fat. Melissa said that Doug is Jewish. She said it has nothing to do with money but she loves Jewish people. She said she lived in a Jewish town for a few years and she loves the Jews. She said she's not sure why, but they're just cool. She said it has nothing to do with money.
Melissa said that she's not Jewish but she is studying. She said she hasn't converted yet but she's thinking about it. She has some Hebrew tattooed on her.
Benjy asked her to pick the Jews out in the room. She picked out Benjy and said that he was definitely a Jew. She pointed out a few other guys in the room. She said she didn't think that Ronnie was Jewish. Ronnie told her that he is Jewish and she can come to his temple anytime. She didn't pick Jon as the final Jew in the room. Benjy joked that they play this game every day on the show. Jon Hein told her that he's the final Jew and he is over 185 pounds so he's out of the running.
A caller said that he thinks that this Melissa is an ugly skank and he'd put her up against his wife any day. Melissa asked why he thinks she's a skank. The caller said he's seen her pictures and he can just tell. Gary said that she's really not a ''skank'' and he's seeing her in person. The caller said that he can tell by the look on her face. He said she looks like she just swallowed a sour load.
Jon let that caller go and Gary said that a ''skank'' is a dirty girl and this girl really isn't like that. Jon asked Ronnie what the definition of a skank is to him. Ronnie said it would be trashy and dirty. He said she might have marks all over her and things like that.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he knows that they're enamored by this girl but he really wants to shove a cock into her mouth when she starts talking. Ronnie said that's what's great about this girl though. He said she's like a dude and you can talk to her that way. Melissa said that she is like a guy because she can talk to guys that way. She said she's like a dude stuck in a woman's body.
The guys asked Melissa what she's going to be doing today. She said she's going to go back and eat and they do her photo shoot. The guys told her that she'll be seeing Tim Sabean who will stop by to say hello in the middle of the shoot because that's what he does every time.
Another caller said that this girl is a skank because she fucked her way to get ahead in the car dealer she works at. She said she's still in the same position she was in when she started so she isn't sleeping her way up.
The caller asked what it is about black guys that she doesn't like. She said that it's just something she wouldn't do. She said that she has seen some good looking black guys but it's not something she'd do. She said she's not racist, she has black people in her family. Gary asked who that was. She said that her cousin dates a black guy. She said that no one is racist in her family. Jon had to wrap up with Melissa Anne a short time later. They went to break after that.
The caller said he was just looking for 30 seconds to give out his web site for the sale of this patent he had. Gary said there are a lot of people who want to get on the air and plug stuff and they can't have everyone coming in. The guy said that he has an idea that could save the whole economy. Gary said if it's that great of an idea then he probably doesn't need them.
The caller said that it seems like Gary thinks he's bigger than he is and he has changed. Gary said that he wouldn't have listened to his idea 20 years ago and he won't listen to it now. Gary told the guy that he's not the only guy with an idea or patent who thinks that it's a huge thing.
Jon changed the subject and brought up Robin's problems down in Florida with the paparazzi. Gary said that most people enjoy the attention to a small degree but the bathing suit thing may have been the problem. Benjy said that's probably what it was because a lot of women don't want to be photographed in their bathing suits. Gary said that doesn't seem to be true because a lot of women don't seem to mind it so much.
Jon brought up some of the song parodies that were played today and that led to the guys talking about Howard asking Robin if he could play with her tits when Beth goes away for a month. Benjy said he thinks that she would actually do that.
One caller said that he didn't know that Riley Martin had done some voices for a cartoon. Jon said that he had spoken about that before. The caller was also saying that Robin made up that word ''quadrillion'' today. Gary said it was a real word and he as looking at the definition on the web.
Gary said he loves that Sal's wife doesn't seem to mind it as long as it's only Richard touching him. Benjy said it seems like Sal is trying to hide this segment from his wife and maybe it's not as cool with her as they think.
Jon asked Richard why he recorded this laughter. Richard said some friends told him that he could be kind of annoying doing that. Richard said that he wanted to hear just how annoying he was. He said he now realizes just how annoying he can be.
Richard said that he and Jon Hein went to see The Big Lebowski one time and he loves one scene in the movie where the landlord is dancing and it's the funniest thing he ever saw. He said he laughs really hard at that.
Richard and Jon talked about the movies they like to see and how they'll sit around sending each other notes from movies like ''Revenge of the Nerds'' and things like that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the broad they had from Howard TV needs to grow the hell up. He said that she has no career and riding the Sybian wasn't going to hurt anything. Jon said she felt that maybe getting spanked was her way to do what she needed to do.
The caller was also saying that Robin needs to grow up too. He said that she should get used to people taking her picture and she should just let them do it. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about a Rod Stewart album (The Rod Stewart Sessions 1971-1998) that just came out with some old, weird stuff. He wondered who saved all of that stuff from his recording sessions and stuff like that. Robin said that sometimes they're lucky and just run across something that was saved.
Howard said the album is interesting to listen to Rod coming up with his songs. Artie said he would probably buy something like that because he likes to hear that creative process. Robin said she knows that Bruce Springsteen has fans that want to hear stuff like that but she's not sure there are Rod Stewart fans who would want to hear him.
Howard played some tracks off the album. He played ''Maggie May'' first and it was Rod coming up with lyrics and trying to figure out the way the song was going to sound. He played him coming up with ''You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Man'' next. Fred said that song sounds like something Vinnie Favale would come up with. He said that Rod was able to turn it into a hit song.
Howard said he likes Rhino records because they'll put out anything. He said you'd think that they'd go out of business after putting out Weird Al box sets. Gary said they once put out a collection of ''Louie Louie'' songs. Howard said you'd think that no one would want that but they're still around and in business.
Howard checked out some of the other songs that Rod had on this album but he wasn't interested in many of them. He played some of ''This Old Heart of Mine'' that he covered. Howard said he wasn't even sure the guy released that song. Gary said there were actually 4 CDs in this set. He said he only pulled songs from three of the CDs though. He said there were no songs on the fourth one that he recognized.
Gary said there were maybe 60 songs total on the set. Howard played another song which was ''First Cut is the Deepest'' and it was a really slow version. Howard said that he was falling asleep waiting for the song to start. They liked the way it sounded once Rod started singing though. Howard said Coffee House could play that song. That led to the guys talking about how it was another song that Rod didn't write himself. That was actually a Cat Stevens song.
Howard said that if Rhino put out an album of his show, they'd probably have clips of Will answering the phone and things like that.
Howard played ''Hot Legs'' off the album and wondered if they even do this legally or if they just put the songs out without Rod's permission. Gary said it all depends on who owns the masters.
Howard played a few more tracks and talked about how the Rolling Stones manager, Allen Klein, bought all of their masters years ago and did that behind their backs so they didn't know he had done it.
Howard said they should get a list of things that Rhino has put out over the years. He said they must be doing okay to still be in business. He said they get some weird ideas though. Howard said he doesn't have the ability to come up with wacky stuff like that.
The caller said he gets that but Howard cut him off and said he didn't get it because he just called in and said he didn't understand it. Bobby said he was just calling in to say that he never plays anything new. Howard said this guy was being a douche. Bobby said that Howard never plays anything new. Howard said he played Lady Gaga. Bobby laughed.
Howard said that this guy sounds like an asshole. Bobby admitted he is an asshole. Fred started to play Dennis Leary's ''I'm an Asshole'' song but Howard cut it off. Howard said that this guy was being an asshole. He said that he played something new after Bobby said that he hadn't played anything new. Bobby said that there is a lot of great music out there and Lady Gaga isn't.
Howard said he bets that this guy was a D student and he probably screwed up his assignments by not knowing how to do the work. Howard was pretty sure the guy was an awful student. Bobby said he graduated with honors. Howard said there's no way that happened.
Howard was going to hang up on Bobby but Bobby told him that they're wasting time on stuff that doesn't matter. Howard told the guy that this show isn't for him and he should stop listening. Howard said that he talks about what he wants to talk about. He's not doing the show just for Bobby.
Howard told Bobby to try listening to Bam Margera or someone like that. He's a younger guy who talks about and plays new music. Bobby said that Jason Ellis is the new guy. Howard said he should go listen to him then. Howard said he had to get out of this conversation.
Howard told Bobby he had to get out of this conversation. Bobby kept going off on Howard about him not doing enough days there and replaying the show too much. Howard told the guy not to listen anymore because he's retarded. He hung up on him after that.
Artie asked who listens to this show for new music. Howard said Bobby obviously does. They spent a minute talking about what a pain in the ass that guy must be in real life when you can't hang up on him.
Howard said that there were a lot of Anti-Semitic kids in his school when he was living in Rockville Centre. He said he hated the kids there and he remembers being in a classroom trapped with assholes. He said a lot of them were football player types and morons. He said they were disgusting human beings. He said he wouldn't be able to go to a reunion because now they're moronic adults. He said he got out of the black community and then got stuck at this white school with a bunch of assholes.
Howard said it was like a room full of Bobbys. He said it was impossible to function in class in Southside High School. Howard said he wasn't even cool enough for the nerds there so he was just bizarre. He said that school was full of a horrible bunch of people.
Howard said his mother joined a car pool and she'd drive him to school in bad weather. He said that he used to walk in the nice weather. Howard said he's not sure why she made him do that though. He hated the car pool. Howard said the four other kids in there were the four biggest vomits he ever knew.
Howard said one of the guys in the car pool he knew from nursery school. Howard said the kid hated him and wouldn't say hello to him or his mother. Howard said this other kid would stink. He said that kid was a self loathing Jew. Howard said the first kid would just grunt to them when they'd say hello. Howard didn't know why the cock sucker fuck would disrespect his mother like that.
Howard said the other kids didn't want to be in the car with him. He said that they were all too cool for the room. Howard said he couldn't wait to get out of school.
Howard said the kids he didn't remember were probably okay kids. He said the one kid he went to nursery school with tried to contact him years later. Howard said that he may have been on K-Rock at the time and the guy came running over to him at this block party at his parent's house. Howard said the kid remembered his name all of a sudden. All of a sudden the guy could talk instead of grunt.
Howard said the guy started writing to him and telling him that they should hang out because they have so much in common. Howard said he wasn't going to get to know the guy because he didn't know him in high school. He said the guy was an asshole back then and he had no desire to get to know him then.
Howard said he heard that his middle school is having a reunion and they all want to see each other. Howard said he had to stay in the black community when he was living in Roosevelt and none of those kids ever called him when they moved. Howard said that he would have loved to visit some of them in a white community but they never called.
Howard said that his mother used to say to him that ''Those are some friends you had...'' because they never called. Howard said she'd point out how awful it was for them to leave and not stay in touch. He said that she'd tell him that no one loves him but her.
Howard said Bobby would have fit right into Southside High School. He said it was a load of laughs going there. Howard said he won't be going to the reunion even though he has gotten over things like the kids not calling him. He said that he's going to be away that weekend anyway. Howard said Beth wanted to go with him but he didn't want to ruin their plans.
Howard said Beth loved high school so she's all about going to reunions and things like that. Howard said she was the announcer for the morning announcements and she was friendly with the principal. Howard said his principal didn't know who he even was. Howard said Beth started modeling at 9 so everyone knew who she was. He said no one knew who he was.
Howard said Beth was kind of a goody two shoes in school and did everything the right way. He said that if she was in a car pool, everyone talked to her. Artie said it sounds like he and Beth had completely opposite experiences in high school. Howard said that's exactly what it was.
Howard said Beth went to her prom or some school dance and she drank. She threw up and got suspended for the last 11 days. The principal was so upset he had to do that, he went and visited her every day and had lunch with her for those final days. Howard said that's hard to believe. Howard said that no one would go to lunch with him.
Howard said that he was going to do this Howard Stern the High School Years cartoon and it would have showed just what a nightmare it was being him. Howard said it was going to be very expensive to produce though so he had to back out of the whole thing.
Howard said that high school was awful for him. He said he wasn't in any group, he was just invisible. He said that all of his friends thought they were happening kids but they were all monsters too. He said that everyone was horrible back then. Howard said he didn't talk to anyone. Howard said chicks were a different story. He said he was able to find chicks.
Howard said that his mother would tell him that he was the second coming of Jesus Christ and they'd both tell each other that and play that game together. Howard said that his mother thought he was some kind of ambassador to the world but he didn't know where that was coming from. Howard did an impression of her telling him what a great little man he was but he said he was 18 at the time.
John Boy said that Beth was looking pretty damn good. Robin said she always looks good. Howard showed the guys the shot of Beth and said that his father thought that she was in Playboy or something in that shot. Howard said she's fully clothed in the picture though. He said he asked his dad what he was talking about. He said his father somehow had her clothes off.
Howard said the picture is great and they showed this photo shoot on ''Extra'' last night. Howard wasn't sure what magazine that was but he thinks it was an online magazine. John Boy told Howard that if Beth has to leave him alone for a month he'd like to come over and cook for him. Howard said Robin has told him that she would come over and keep him company for a month with her G-cups.
Robin said they were talking about that on the Wrap Up Show yesterday and they figured that she would let Howard play with her boobs while Beth is away. Howard said if he really needed Robin he thinks that she would let him play with those boobs of her's. Howard said he knows she'd be weirded out by that but he thinks that she'd do it.
Howard said he thinks that Robin is secretly in love with him and she would show that by letting him use her boobs. Howard said it would probably ruin everything between them.
Howard said he got the info about the magazine Beth did the shoot for. It was VivMag.com.
Robin said the guy wasn't even looking where he was going and when he found a spot to shoot from, she just ran. She said that he wasn't clicking the whole time. Howard did an impression of Robin freaking out and asking Stacie to cover her in sand and things like that.
Artie said he talked to his sister about that and she was worried that she was going to get a piece of her arm in the pictures or something. Artie said his sister always looks fine so he's not sure why she'd be so freaked out.
Howard said that he imagined a lot of commotion going on down there. He said they must have discussed it for the rest of the day. Robin said there was a lot going on down there and that's not the only thing they discussed. Robin said she did say that it must be like what Michael Jackson had to put up with his whole life. That was about it.
Howard said he can imagine them going out and buying astronaut disguises to hide from the photographer. Robin said that the guy on the phone yesterday was saying that she should let people take her picture. She said she lets anyone take her picture unless they're paparazzi. She said she doesn't want to end up in a magazine.
Howard said he thought it was just some hot chick. He said it turns out it was real and now he feels bad for her. He said that the video was taken in a hotel somewhere and some guy took a video camera and shot the video through her peep hole in the hotel room door. Howard said that made it to the internet and now they're going to try and find this guy who shot the video. Howard said it's a crime and she was really violated.
Howard said that he now knows Erin's name and this could help her out. He said he does feel bad for her though.
Howard said that they're now saying that a lot of people are getting viruses from visiting links to the video so you have to be careful doing that. Howard wondered what kind of pervert produces a tape like that but then wondered why someone would put a virus out there for people's computers.
Benjy said he was wondering if it was her looking into a mirror. Howard said that it was definitely looking like it was through a peep hole. Howard said it wasn't a two way mirror. Robin said the vantage point was kind of high and it might be a hole in the wall.
Howard asked JD how he got a hold of that so quick. JD said he just found out about it through the internet. He said he found a super long version of the video. Howard said JD did have the long version. He said it looked like she was totally shaved in that video. JD said he heard that they make reverse peep hole viewers and you can see inside the room somehow. He said that might be how they got that video.
Howard said that JD has a new work out regimen. He said that he runs up and down the stairs 3 times in his apartment building. JD said he's also doing 20 push ups. He said he's doing two sets of 10. JD said he's also doing two sets of 25 sit-ups. Howard said it's better than nothing. Robin said it sounds like he's a prisoner.
JD said he doesn't want to work out in a gym with people looking at him. He said that he would want a trainer if he was doing that too and that shit costs money and time that he doesn't have. Artie said he's pretty sure that some hot chick would teach him for free.
Howard said there's always some shithead at the gym who will try and teach you stuff like that. He said that there are guys who just hang out at the gym all day and tell you want to do. He said he joined a gym years ago and the guy looked at him and told him how to do the neck exercises he does to make his neck look bigger. Howard said he wanted to fix his neck a bit. Howard said he followed what the guy told him to do and he was lifting weights with his head. Howard said professional trainer walked up to him and asked him what he was doing. He said that the guy told him that he shouldn't be listening to that guy and gave him some advice on what to do. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard came back and got Lisa G in there. Howard said that they were going to have Beaver Phillips calling in after that. Lisa came in and said that they spoke to some people over at the shop where Robin got her new G-cup bras. Howard said he actually had some of Robin's old bras. He said that they're huge and he feels bad that she has to lug those things around. Howard said the DD-cups were huge and they still weren't big enough.
Howard said Richie Wilson was holding the bra up. Robin was laughing at Lisa's reaction to seeing it. Lisa asked if they hurt. She said that you must get used to something like that. Artie asked when she blossomed. Robin said she was probably in 9th grade when people stopped looking at her face. She said that's when they started looking at her chest.
Howard said they're going to try and fit stuff in the bra. Richie said they have bowling balls and things like that. Richie said ''Dude, I'm holding Robin's bra!'' Howard told Richie to try putting some potatoes in there. Richie said they had a 5 pound watermelon. Howard said that they need something bigger than that. He said they need to figure out how many pounds they can fit.
Richie put two watermelons in the bra and they fell out. They tried to put a bowling ball in but that fell out too. Gary said it will hold those things but it's hard to hold it the right way. Howard said he used to do that to his mom's bras too. They got two 12 pound bowling balls in there and it had no problem holding them.
Howard thanked the guys for that and got back to Lisa. Lisa said she spoke to the owner of the shop where Robin got her bra and they gave her some information on how to pick a bra the right way. Lisa said she's been to that store and she doesn't have the problems that Robin has. She said she has to use a bra extension and she's a C-cup. She said she's petite so she has the opposite problem of Robin.
Howard was shocked that Lisa was a C-cup. Lisa said they didn't make her size all these years because she's just a 32-C. Howard asked if she has implants. Lisa said no to that.
Lisa said she used to be bustier when she wasn't as athletic. Howard said he imagines that her Cs are firm because she hasn't had kids. Howard asked if they were saggy. Lisa said they're not but she wouldn't want to be photographed in a bathing suit.
Gary said no one in the office believes she's a C-cup. Gary said that she's not that big and she'd have to be wearing an ace bandage to keep them looking so small.
Lisa said that she never shows cleavage at work because it's not appropriate. Howard said he heard she was saying that she'd like to have a tape like Erin Andrews does to get her career going. Lisa said she was saying that. Howard said they might be able to stage one for her. Howard said it might help her career.
Howard said Lisa's body might be better than people expect so it might work for her. Howard asked if she gets nude when she plays the violin. She said she doesn't but Howard said that's the video they could tape. He said that he could set that up if she wants. Lisa said they can't set that up because they're talking about it now.
Lisa said she spoke to Annemarie and she told her about Robin's paparazzi problem in Miami. She said that they all tried to surround Robin to protect her. Howard did an impression of Robin asking them all to surround her to protect her. Howard said they could form a human wall to protect her.
Howard asked Robin who was doing what down there. Robin said that Jodi was the one who spotted the photographer and she tried to get rid of him. Robin said that she had the other girls shield her from the guy and then got out of there as quickly as she could. Howard did more of his impression of Robin telling the girls what to do. Robin said it was crazy.
Artie asked if it was video taped. Robin said it was just a still camera. Howard said he would put that clip out on the web if it existed. Howard continued to do his impression of Robin telling the girls how to protect her as the human wall. He said that Stacie was the brick and Annemarie was the cement.
Gary said that Jason got some images of a 32-C chest so they could ask Lisa if they were that big. Lisa said that her's weren't that full when she saw the picture. Lisa said that she would have to push them together to make them that full. She said that she's very athletic so they're not that full all the time. Howard let her go after that.
Howard said this guy Beaver Phillips wrote a book about doing stuff like this and that's what he was calling in to talk about. Howard said he's pretty sure that this guy's name isn't really Beaver. He asked him that when he got him on the line. Beaver said that is not his real name. He said his parents found out about the book and his mom asked him not to use his real name. He said that he actually got that name when he was about 3 though and it has nothing to do with women.
Howard asked Beaver about how long he's been doing this. He said it's been about 10 and a half years. Beaver claims that he can get laid more than most professional athletes. Howard said he estimates he's had sex with one or two girls a week every week for the past 10 years. Robin tried to do the math but Howard told her it's like a billion chicks. Artie said it's actually about 104 a year.
Howard said that Beaver tells you that you will get shot down a lot on the web. He said that you shouldn't take it personally though. Beaver said that you get shot down a lot in bars too and that's what he compares this to. He said that you need some self confidence though.
Howard said Beaver names the web sites he uses. He said that they're PlentyOfFish.com. The other is Match.com. Howard asked what he pays for Match.com. Beaver said that he just does the recurring billing every six months.
Beaver said that you can go on and find the women you want and get their phone numbers. Beaver said the book is about filtering so you can get what you're looking for. Howard said he tells people to immediately talk about sex because it will weed out the women who don't want that.
Beaver said that when you fill out your profiles on the web and you should check to make sure that they're not ''ultra conservative'' or something like that. He said that you don't need to bother with women like that.
Howard said that Beaver tells you to call and then ask about your last good date. The woman will tell you about the date and then you ask her to tell you about her sex life. Some women might get upset and hang up but others will tell you. Beaver said that he will tell some women that he doesn't want to waste their time and wish her luck.
Beaver said that you don't want to go after the women who say that they're eager to have an intimate encounter. Some of those people will get you banned from other women on sites like that PlentyOfFish site.
Howard said Beaver tells you go to after 4s if you're a 4. He said that you move up the scale as you work around that stuff. Beaver said that you can eventually be more selective when you get used to dating like this.
Benjy said that he disagrees with the political thing. He said that he has found the opposite to be true. He said that you shouldn't be scared off by that because everyone likes to fuck.
Beaver asked Benjy if he goes on those sties as Benjy from the Howard Stern Show. Benjy said he doesn't because he doesn't feel so bad about being rejected that way. He said that he also doesn't want to scare women off. Benjy said he'd rather be anonymous.
Howard said that women must turn up and maybe reject you when you show up. Beaver said that you can't lie. He said you have to post recent pictures. If you're lying to them then it's going to be too much work.
Benjy said that this guy's book is a good book. He said that one thing he disagrees with is guys using their best picture. He said that you have to use that. He said that if you have a personality then the girl will give you a shot. Beaver also says that you need a sense of humor.
Howard said that Beaver suggests that you use a creative line in your profile like ''I'm no Fred Flintstone but I'll make your bed rock.''
Howard read about some of the experiences Beaver has had and he had a woman waiting naked for him in bed one time. Howard asked Benjy if he's ever done that. Benjy said he's done similar things.
Beaver said that he sends out emails usually but this woman actually emailed him first. He said that he got to the sex immediately and she responded back so he told her it would be really hot if she just got naked and waited for him. He said that was a great story because not everyone can say they've had sex like that.
Howard asked Beaver if he ever falls in love with any of these women. Beaver said he's just having so much fun that's the furthest thing from his mind. He said he's seeing girls and has made some great friends. He said that there may be some girls looking for Mr. Right but he's having fun with them in the mean time.
Howard gave Beaver some plugs for his web site, CopyPasteAndBang.com, and book and then took some calls.
One caller said that he had a friend test out the web site thing and they had 65 hits within an hour and a half. He said that you do have to weed out some of the girls though.
Howard asked what you do if the girl shows up and she's ugly. Beaver said that you always take them out for a drink and just choke it down if she's not that great looking. Beaver said that you can bail out somehow and beauty is a light switch away so there's always that.
Howard asked what happens if the chick is stinky. Beaver said he had that once but he just bailed out on that and said he had an early meeting the next day or something like that.
Another caller said that he's been on that PlentyOfFish.com web site for years. He said that if you can't find a woman in your home town you need to move. He said that's what he's found. Howard said he imagines that a lot of his audience is on that site right now.
Another caller said that Match.com works great and he's had over 40 women in less than 4 months. He said it takes some time to get things going but once it starts kicking in then you just go for the good ones.
Robin asked the guys if they're worried about disease. Beaver said he uses condom sense and isn't worried about it.
Beaver said that women can get laid easier. He said that guys will have competition but the book will help you separate yourself.
Another caller asked Beaver why he thinks this is so great because the broads could have just had a cock pulled out of them 5 minutes before he showed up. Beaver said you don't know that. He said that he goes down on some of the women but he's never had a problem like that.
Artie didn't know what ''copy and paste'' meant. Howard explained that to Artie. He's never had to do that since he doesn't use a computer. Robin said they used to do that in the old days too though. Artie said he doesn't get the reference to that or to the ''right click'' thing that Howard had mentioned. Howard said Artie is missing out on so much fun. He said that he could be in a world of fun things.
Artie said he has a 25 year old girlfriend and when he tells her that he doesn't know those terms she looks at him like he's wearing a Civil war uniform.
Beaver wanted to put his book to the test and have someone there try it out. Howard suggested JD. JD came in and said that he's already doing this stuff so he doesn't need the book. Howard said that the guy might have some good advice for him.
Howard asked JD how many women in the last year he's gotten. JD said that he has some who are interested in him. He said they're not local. JD said that he has something planned on Friday with someone. JD said that he has gotten zero in the last year though.
Howard asked JD why he would come in there saying he knows what he's doing when he doesn't. JD said he didn't want to be involved. Beaver said he would be a tough one because he's already resistant to this whole thing. Howard said JD is rolling his eyes and failing horribly and he still doesn't want to do this. JD said he doesn't want to get involved.
Howard told Beaver that JD has spent thousands of dollars on internet porn. Beaver wondered why he doesn't want to try this out. JD said he doesn't want to be part of a bit. Howard said that JD has failed every time he's tried to get a girl. He said he might have something lined up for Friday but he fails almost 100 percent of the time. This guy on the phone said that he can help and JD won't even try that. JD said he actually did get one girl that lives near him but she got a boyfriend.
Beaver asked JD what he's seeking. JD said he's not even sure. Howard said he must know what he wants. Beaver said there is no wrong answer there. JD said he's looking for something but ''I don't know...'' Artie said that there is no wrong answer but JD gave the wrong answer. He said JD is extraordinary in that way.
Howard said that Benjy gets to have wild sexual experiences and wondered if JD wanted to do that. JD said he didn't know. He said he'd like to get laid more often ''I guess...'' Howard said Beaver is only a 6 but he's able to get laid.
Beaver asked Howard to find a willing listener who is more into it than JD is. Howard said the sad thing is that JD doesn't want the help. Howard said JD's mom met her husband on the internet. Howard said his whole family is on the internet and JD isn't even making it work.
Howard let JD go since he wanted nothing to do with his. He had Hanzi on the phone and he was willing to give this a try. Artie said Hanzi would be a good looking kid if he dropped a couple of pounds. Beaver said he can work with anyone. He said that your age, income and all of that have nothing to do with it. Beaver said that the only reason you meet is to have sex anyway.
Beaver said he wishes that he could have helped JD but he's willing to help Hanzi too. Robin said that Hanzi is unemployed and still lives at home. Beaver said that he was squirming a little bit now that he's hearing all of this. Beaver asked for a normal guy. Howard said he'll try to find a homeless guy, that might be easier. Beaver said he's not a miracle worker. He asked him to give him a shot with a normal guy.
Howard gave Beaver some more plugs for his book and started to wrap up with him. Beaver told Howard he wanted to come in the studio but now that they did the Cockyoke thing, he's glad it was a phone interview. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said it was great that JD came in and said he had it under control but hasn't gotten more than one chick in the past year. Howard said that he had a lot more to get to after a break. He mentioned that they had Craig Gass coming in next.
Howard had no idea what Fred was playing. He knew it was annoying though. Howard played the top 5 songs after that. He said he really likes that Black Eyed Peas ''Boom Boom Pow'' song. They had two songs in the top 5. They also had ''I've Got a Feeling'' at number 1. Howard said he didn't think the men sang in that band. He thought they just rapped. He said that was the first time he was hearing that song.
Howard said a great channel to listen to is Chill. He said they play some good stuff for parties. He said that's what he would have on at a party so people can dance. Howard said with SIRIUS you don't even need a DJ.
Howard said he had a clip from the Intern Show where one of the interns talked about Sal shitting. In the clip the intern is talking about going to the bathroom and seeing Sal in the next stall. He said he saw Sal get out of the stall without flushing. He left a huge pile of shitty diarrhea in the toilet in the handicapped stall.
Howard said he's gone into men's rooms and seen shit like that and it's like a horse went. He wondered why people don't flush. Robin said that's a man thing. Howard said he's a man and doesn't do that. Howard said it might be a psychological thing.
Sal said it wasn't him. He said the intern didn't see him. He said he's the cleanest guy there and he always flushes. Howard said the intern said he knew it was Sal and he saw him get out of the stall. Sal said that someone should be doing a story about the intern. He said he never leaves his crap behind for people to see.
Howard thought Sal was crying. Sal said he's just not getting any sleep lately. Howard asked what it was that was keeping him from sleeping. Sal said he's just got a lot of anxiety. Howard said he should because his wife was texting someone 143. Howard said something that Sal asked him to dump out of. Howard did that and said he didn't know it was off limits.
Howard asked Sal how things are going. Sal said that things are fine and he's still in love with his wife. Fred said that there are many who are in love with her. Artie let out a big ''ouch!'' when he heard that. Artie said that was pretty harsh.
Benjy asked Howard if he went to a bathroom and tired to flush but it was stuck, what would he do. Howard said he would leave. Benjy asked if he would try to clear it. Howard said he might try to get a stick or something but if there's nothing around then he's going to leave.
Howard said there were some new ones. He had one from Sal called ''Please Release Those Gs'' and one from Mike Morse's ''Double Ds Are Not Enough.'' There was also one called ''Cock in the Ass'' from Tony Daniels. Howard played that one and said it was very graphic.
Howard played ''Robin's G Thang'' that he played yesterday. He had Tony Daniels ''Robin's Big Boobs'' to the tune of ''All the Young Dudes.'' The guys seemed to really like that one. Howard let that one play through.
Howard said he had a new phony phone call from Sal and Richard to play. He said this is another one in their series of pizzeria line of calls. Howard said Sal says ''pits-eria'' and he's never heard anyone say that before. Howard said they call a pizzeria and order a pie and they're all the same and they end up in an argument with the guy.
In the call Sal ordered 2 pies cheese, 2 pies regular and 2 plain pies. The guy said that they were all the same pie. Sal argued with the guy and the guy said he must be stupid. He told Sal he was a fuckin' retard and hung up on him. Then Richard called in and did something similar by ordering a large pie which was also the 16 inch pie. The guy said he didn't have time to do that and hung up on him again.
Andrew said it was definitely Sal. Howard said Sal is going to deny it until the end of time but that's Andrew's story and he's sticking to it. Howard said he sounded pretty convinced that's what he saw though.
Howard said Craig Gass is there but he's running late. Robin said he must not care about being on the show. Howard said he does care but he just showed up.
Howard said David Hinckley wrote an article about Paula Abdul not getting picked up for American Idol. Howard said Paula doesn't have another job waiting for her and David Hinckley pointed that out in his column. Howard said that Paula is lucky she's getting the money she is getting doing that job. Howard said she shouldn't be complaining that she's being insulted by the show.
Howard said it's funny how she'll only insult the people who are paying her. Robin said that they're not even asking her to be on the show. Howard said she wants more money to be on the show. Robin said she thought that she wasn't offered anything. Howard said she should be paying them, that's the deal she should be getting.
Howard read the article he was talking about and gave the details that Hinckley had about the Paula crisis. Her agent is upset that she's not even being offered a contract this year. Howard read that she's got no other job to go to.
Howard said that they're busy with Simon Cowell right now and that's the most important person on that show. Howard said that they're telling Paula to just sit back and wait but she's freaking out already. Howard said they still have time to offer her a contract. Howard said that no one is in a rush except for Paula.
Craig also told Howard that he had a ''secret'' movie meeting where they asked him to do some voices for some movies that celebrities don't want to record for. He would be doing impressions for movies where they have to change lines and stuff. Craig said of course he took that job.
Craig said he thought he was going to get a big movie or something but the job turned out to be the voice over thing. He said that he can't say whose voices he's doing though. He said that they want people to think that they're organic and they got those celebrities to come in and do their own voices. Howard said you'd think that they'd want to come in and do the voices themselves.
Artie screwed up and called Craig ''Greg'' and Howard said that Sal does that too. He said you'd think that they'd know his name by now. Artie said he swears he thought it was Greg all these years he's known him. Craig did his impression of Artie doing his ''And uhhhh...'' comments.
Craig said he ran into Artie at Saturday Night Live and Norm MacDonald was asking him to do his Sam Kinison voice. He said that he tells him to just do the voice and not tell stories.
Craig said Norm brought him over to Kevin Farley and told him to do the voice. Norm told him to start yelling the voice and made him yell like Sam even though there was someone on stage at the time. Artie said that was Norm just breaking balls because that's what he does all the time.
Craig said that he was out at a club and a bunch of great people showed up that night. He said that Norm showed up and he asked him if he was going up next. He said that Norm didn't want to go up there because there was a black guy going up before him and he didn't want that Michael Richards stuff coming up. Howard didn't get his reference at first so Craig said he should have told that joke a year ago.
Craig told a story about Richard Belzer bringing him over to meet Christopher Walken and making him do the impression for the guy. Craig said that Walken didn't want to see it at all. Craig said he did the impression and all Walken did was say ''Wow'' and went back to eating. Belzer asked him to do his Tom Arnold voice so he did some of that too. Walken said that was amazing and went back to eating. Then Belzer asked him to do his Adam Sandler. He did that too and Walken cut him off and said ''Listen... I get it, you're talented...'' Craig said he wasn't trying to bother the guy, Belzer was the one making him do the impressions.
Howard said it's weird when you're an impressionist because everyone wants you to do the voices. Artie said ''Gre... or Craig...'' is great but Walken has probably heard a ton of impressions.
Craig said that he does the Christopher Walken voice and he does it so well that people think that he's going to be at these shows he does. Craig said he'll be doing really racist jokes and people still think that it's really him.
Craig said he did a show with Norm MacDonald one time and someone yelled out Michael Jackson's name. He said that Norm said that the only thing Michael was guilty of was being the greatest entertainer ever. Then he paused and said ''...and for fucking those two little kids.''
Howard said that Craig is doing well with his voices and acting. Craig said that he's been doing various sitcoms and stuff and he gets a lot of work even without an agent. He said he's going to go out to L.A. and live there for a few months to see how things go.
Howard asked Craig if he's still living at Eddie Van Halen's house. Craig said that he was living in his studio for a while. Then Eddie asked him to move into his house because the band was getting back together. Craig said that he got to listen to Van Halen rehearsing for a few weeks.
Craig said that he hasn't called Eddie for a while and the reason why is because his assistant was fucking his girl and he feels weird about the whole thing. Craig said that his friend was Eddie's assistant and Eddie was always cool to him.
Craig said he lived at Eddie's guest house for a while and his buddy was helping him get over this chick that he had broken up with. He said that his friend ended up banging her after he had broken up with her. Craig said that he had broken up with her because he went to the bathroom at a party and 2 minutes later she was making out with some other dude.
Craig said he's been seeing a girl for about 2 years now. Artie said that she was really attractive. He met her up at SNL.
Craig mentioned that Tommy Lee has this show called Battleground Earth where he and some other guys are doing earth friendly competitions. Howard said it's no wonder they don't know about this show.
Craig said that he was asked to do a Tommy Lee roast. He said that they wanted him to do some voices but he wanted to quote the book of Motley Crue in his Sam Kinison voice. Craig said that they had some wild stories they told in their book and that's what he wanted to read. He wanted to do some material about them sticking their dicks in burritos to cover up the stink they had on their cocks.
Craig said that when he showed up to this roast he saw a church choir performing. He said that it turns out that they were going to be watching him do his act up there. Craig said that he was going to be as shocking as possible there and they were going to have this choir behind him while he was performing. Craig said he was going to be so shocking that he pictured Tommy giving him his phone number to hang out with him.
Craig said that Paul Rodriguez went up and did his act and didn't curse at all. He said another guy went up and did his act and had some great lines about one of Tommy Lee's band mates. That guy was Joe Barton.
Craig said he went up on stage and decided to include the choir in the punch lines. He figured they may have a sense of humor about the whole thing. Craig said he told some jokes about Tommy having a tree trunk in his pants and then asked for an Amen. The Choir gave him that on the first one. Then he told some more jokes about Tommy getting laid and stuff and the choir eventually freaked out and one woman walked off.
Howard gave Craig some plugs for some shows he has coming up. You can find out more at Myspace.com/CraigGass.
Yucko the Clown called in and went off on Craig for being an asshole. Craig said that he saw Yucko out in Arizona and he talked to him about his parents house burning down and also brought up his ex-wife and how some of the other guys who she had hit on at the club out there.
Yucko said that before the show Craig came up to him and said that he was never going to bring up that wife thing again. Then he got on stage and told the whole fucking story about his ex-wife. Craig said it's all on tape so they can see it. He said that he told Bob Levy he wanted to tell some stories at the end of the show. He said that he and Bob were going to tell some stories and Bob was the one who wanted to talk about that ''fuckin' bitch.'' Craig said that he and Bob told some stories about her and that's why Yucko is mad at him. Yucko said that they shouldn't have brought it up at a comedy show.
Craig said that Bob Levy was the one who wanted to get Yucko a date and made him take off his mask on stage. He said that he snapped the nose off his face and then the wig part. Craig said that Bob asked the crowed who wanted to fuck him and one guy yelled out ''I'll fuck him!''
Howard said that Yucko is right because they're ridiculing him up on stage like that. Craig said he does regret it but it wasn't his idea. Howard asked Yucko about that. Yucko said that he shouldn't have talked about it, he should have just said no to Bob.
Craig said he was just going to make whatever he could out of that situation. Yucko asked Craig how Seth MacFarlane's cock tastes. Craig said it tastes great, he's working on Family Guy and American Dad. Yucko told Gass that he's dead to him now and told him to fuck off. Craig said he's sorry about that.
Ralph called in and said that might be the funniest thing that Bob Levy has ever done. He said that he shouldn't be so upset about the whole thing.
Craig said he loves that guy too because he's really a sweetheart of a guy. Ralph said they need to get tape of that. Craig said the tape is out there somewhere. There were at least 3 people out there who were taping it.
Artie said Ralph has a point because Yucko can really dish it out. Artie said that they did the Yucko benefit show last week and it was Bob Levy, Shuli and some other guys. He said that he feels bad for Yucko. He told him to come out and do his act for a few minutes so he has to put on the make up and stuff during the show. He said it's a lot of work to do 15 minutes. Artie said that Yucko did about 60 seconds of material and then ended it. He spent all of that time putting the make up on and did a minute.
Howard said Yucko does some vicious material. Craig said that the marriage thing really put him in a soft spot. Artie said he really loved that chick. Craig mentioned that he got naked pictures form that chick when she hit on him. He said she tried to deny it but he had the pictures.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Craig is a piece of shit and he fucked his wife. He said he met him in Sacramento back when they were at K-Rock and this piece of shit called his wife down to his hotel room and fucked her. Craig said that there's no way this is true. The guy said his wife is a whore but he's still with her. He said that she'll never hear the end of it from him. Craig said that there's no way that he did that. He said he won't even get involved with a chick who has a boyfriend.
Howard asked the guy why he doesn't ask his wife about this. Craig told him to be mad at her and not at him. Craig said that he's sure she was a good fuck but the guy said that she really isn't a good fuck.
Gary said he ran into a comedian a few months ago and the guy told him that Craig came over to his house and left some pot laying around. He also fucked a broad in the guy's car.
Craig said he had the real story there. He said that he had some friends in town and they all came out to see him. He said that he had some bands come out to see him. He said that he met some girls and they asked him to get them back stage. He jokingly asked them to make out and they agreed to do it. He said that he ended up bringing them all back stage at this concert in Camden and he started making out with this chick. Then he started making out with another chick and ended up getting into the car and fucking all three of the girls at the same time.
Craig said he was in the front seat while one girl was going down on him. The other two were coaching the other one. Craig said that they wanted to go to the show and he told them that they can do whatever they want. Craig said he told this comedian what he had just done and told the guy he had just fucked the three girls in the car. The guy was upset that he had done the girls in the car because it was brand new.
Craig said he got to the car and they looked at it and the guy's girl was with him. It turns out that the girls had stolen money and jewelry from the car. One of the girls dropped her cell phone in the car and asked her to come back to the car to get her phone. Meanwhile they called the cops. Craig said there were people taking pictures of him doing the girls in the car so they had evidence of what was going on.
Craig said that a van pulled up in the back stage area and the cops showed up. One of the girls showed up to get her phone. The guy asked the girl to give back the money that she had stolen and called her a whore. then the woman's husband gets out of the car and says that it's his wife. Then the friend tells the husband that Craig had just fucked all three of them. Craig said that the cop walked up to the friend's girlfriend and told her that they didn't have the jewelry there or the money. They had to let the group go and as they pulled away the jewelry was under the van.
Craig said that they busted the group at the exit of the venue and everyone could see what had just happened. Craig said they all knew what had gone on and people were cheering for him and he was thinking that it was the best day of his life.
Craig said that they all had to go to the Camden police department and the cop came out and asked who was involved with the girls. Craig said it was him and he had to fill out a police report and give all of the details of what had just gone on. Craig said he had to give all of the details to the guy and they asked which of the girls he had intercourse with. Craig said it was all of them. Craig said that he and the cop were smirking at each other through the whole thing.
Craig said that one of the husbands was outside and asked him what happened. Craig told the guy what he did and apologized to him. Craig said everyone was telling him to leave but he wanted to give all of the details. Craig said he told the guy that he came in his wife's mouth and the guy shook his hand for telling him that. Craig said that this was the greatest moment in his life.
The caller was still on the line threatening to fuck Craig in the mouth and shove something up his ass while he was doing that. The caller said that Craig knew that she was married. Craig said that he's never done a chick, knowingly, that was married. He said he just won't do that.
Howard wondered why this guy was so mad at Craig and not so mad at his wife. The guy said he loves his wife. He said she's a lousy fuck but he loves her anyway. Craig said he'd like to know who this chick was. The guy said that she has his name tattooed on her back. He said he just found out that she was fucking around with a guy at work last week. He can't leave her because he's got a two young kids.
Artie said that when you're out on the road Gass is the kind of guy who will do any chick. He said that he gets hot chicks a lot but he will fuck anything that's around. Craig said that he knows that every comic has an intense story like that where a guy will show up and get pissed.
Howard gave Craig some more plugs and wrapped up with him a short time later. Craig did some of his Christopher Walken impression and then said that he's going to be appearing at Joe Buck's comedy club soon. Artie said that he's going to be in St. Louis with the guy that was Craig's friend in that story he just told. Gary said that guy told him he hates Craig Gass.
Howard said he hopes that he can work things out with Yucko. Craig said he does too. He thinks that the guy is a great guy. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and took a call from a guy who asked if they heard the news about the Beastie Boys. Howard said one of the guys announced that he has cancer. Howard wasn't sure what kind it was. The caller said he gets his news from Robin so he didn't know either. Robin said it was cancer in the salivary gland and lymph node. They've canceled their tour dates for now. Robin said it was Adam Yauch.
Sal came in and had some details about it since he's a big fan. Robin said she read that he found a lump in his throat and that's how they found it. Howard said Sal wants to purchase the lump.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if Howard would turn the Howard Stern the High School years into a comic book. Howard said that's actually a good idea. The caller said he's a comic book artist and he'd love to do it. Howard said he has a guy who would probably do it because he drew the characters already. Howard said he'll look into it but it sounds like an idea that he'd like to do but will never get to. Howard said he'll mention it to his agent and hell tell him why he can't do it. He said his agent rejects just about everything he wants to do.
Howard had Shuli come in with a Howard 100 News preview. Howard said that Shuli is going to get married. Shuli said he's already married. He got married on Friday after work. He said his wife is due in March. Robin asked if they have to get him a present. Shuli said they do and thanked her for asking.
Shuli said that Steve is on assignment because Ivy is appearing in court for the recording of the Bernie Madoff sentencing. They're wondering how she got in with a cell phone to begin with. Howard said he read that he was involved somehow and she's convinced people that she's involved with the show. Howard said it was a weird thing.
Howard said that they think that Ivy is his sidekick or something. He said that they had nothing to do with that. Benjy said that she says it's Robin's cell phone because someone gave it to her to give to Robin. Benjy said that he hopes that she's smart and tells them that she didn't mean to tape it, it was an accident.
Shuli said that Underdog Lady is out of surgery for the infection she had in her finger. She got an infection when she was bitten by her cat. She's in a rehab to try and get the use of her finger back. She might be in rehab for up to two weeks! Shuli said that she got bitten twice when she was trying to get the cat out from under her bed.
Shuli said they have a story about Richard Christy drinking four bottles of Champagne at a restaurant all by himself. They had some pictures of him there at the restaurant. Shuli said that Richard was embarrassed to drink from a champagne flute. Robin said he's embarrassed by that but he's not embarrassed by the way he looks when he gets drunk.
Richard came in and said it was only two bottles. He said that Jared Fox can confirm that. Richard said he just gets a little buzzed from that and he wasn't that drunk in the pictures.
Ivy Supersonic called in and said that she was on her way to court. She's running late and told the guys she has no money to pay anyone. She said that her attorney told her that she needs money or they can't represent her. She thought it was like blackmail. Howard said the guy is trying to get paid.
Howard asked Ivy what she was doing at the Madoff trial with a phone. Ivy said she has a lot of friends who are photographers and they told her to show up. She said she went down to cause a scene in front of the court room. She said she saw 1000 cameras there and she didn't want to do anything in front of them... Howard cut her off and said that he can't get into this. Ivy asked for any lawyers who can help her to show up at court as soon as possible. Howard let her go after that.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He was going to get into that but Howard asked Benjy what it was like to date Ivy. Benjy said she's fun to talk to and she's not like she is on the air. After that Jon ran down his list of Wrap Up Show subjects for today's show.
Robin read a story about Warner Brothers doing very well with their movies this year. She said that they're over one billion this year after Harry Potter did so well in its opening weekend. Howard said he's happy to see that because they're gambling with their money when they make some of these movies.
Howard took a call from Kevin Lofton who asked Howard if he ever thought about doing the Howard Stern the High School Years for Howard TV. Howard said he's not even sure who owns the scripts now. Howard said that it would cost them like a million bucks to make them and it might not be feasible. Kevin said that they could do them in Flash. Howard said he thought that they needed more fluidity with the characters and he didn't want to do it in Flash. Howard said when you do a 30 minute show the Flash can be kind of fatiguing. Howard said he's seen some good Flash animation and it allows you some flexibility but that's not what he was looking for with that cartoon.
Howard told Kevin he'd keep it mind. Kevin told him it would be great on Howard TV. He said he hopes that he can do some more stuff for Howard sometime soon. Howard said that they were talking about the Robin bit being animated so maybe something like that. Kevin said he'd like to do Robin's G-cups animated.
Robin read that Futurama is coming back in 2010 but none of the original characters are returning. That means that Billy West and Katy Segal won't be back. Howard said that he never saw that show. He said he thought she was talking about Wonderama when she brought it up. Howard said that Billy West is a tough get and he's seen the negotiating with him. Artie said he was amazed that they were bringing that show back at all.
Robin read some news and played some audio of Chris Brown talking about what went on with Rihanna. Brown put up a YouTube video and explained his side of the story. He apologized for what happened but Howard said he really didn't care. Robin said she'd like to know who wrote this for Chris.
Howard wondered why Chris Brown, and so many other people, have trouble saying ''ask'' by saying ''axe.'' Artie said he grew up with a lot of people who said it like that. Robin said they must be transposing the letters S and K.
Howard said they had some audio of people in Harlem supporting Chris Brown. Sal had gone there one time to ask the people there about what they thought of the situation.
Robin had some news about Walter Cronkite's death. She had some audio of Carly Simon talking about him since her sister was dating him. Howard said that's something. Walter was 92 and he had a 68 year old girlfriend. He sounded impressed. Howard said he got some negative mail about his comments on Walter from yesterday's show and he's not sure why. Fred said the guy who wrote in was being very negative about the negative remarks so he found that ironic.
Robin read some news about a military guy who was captured by the Taliban over in Afghanistan. She had some audio of the family talking about that.
Howard mentioned that Joe Jackson is backing off of his comments about putting Michael's kids into a band. Someone must have talked to him about what he was doing and told him to back off.
Robin asked how he could interrupt the story she was reading with that Joe Jackson stuff. Howard said he's working on a secret plan to free the guy so that's why he was interrupting.
Howard had some audio of Joe Jackson on Larry King talking about Michael's kids. Joe was saying that Paris Jackson is a Jackson so that's why she's so good at speaking in front of people. Howard pointed out that it's possible that Paris isn't even Michael's biological child.
Robin read a story about some bidding wars going on for the rehearsal footage for Michael Jackson's concert series. Robin said that they have a documentary coming out about that. Howard jokingly said he can't wait for that.
Robin said that some of the autopsy results from Steve McNair have been released. They reported that his blood alcohol level was twice the legal level. Robin said that he wasn't driving so she's not sure why they would print that.
Robin read about Tony Romo breaking up with Jessica Simpson. Howard said he knew he was going to bail on her after she got fat.
Robin read some news about Nicolas Cage and Cameron Diaz working in the Green Hornet. Howard said that he finds Cameron hot even though some people put her down.. and he's put her down a few times himself. He said he thinks she's hot.
Robin asked what's more effective, the condom or withdrawal? Howard figured it was the condom. He said that you can have drippage and not even know it. Artie asked who can actually withdraw. Robin said that they're saying that withdrawal is about the same as using a condom according to a study that was done by Contraception magazine.
Howard asked Robin if she saw True Blood this week and what she thought about it. Robin said she did and she thought it was good. Artie asked if they're really not bringing ''In Treatment'' back. Robin said he asks that every time they bring that up.
Ralph called in and said that the study that Robin was talking about was right. He said that you can't get a chick pregnant from leakage. He said that it's such a small amount of sperm that it's not going to happen. Ralph said that condoms are for sailors. He said he never uses a condom. Howard said that Ralph is nuts and thinks that he can tell when a chick is ''dirty.''
Howard asked Ralph about other countries where sexually transmitted diseases are spreading. Ralph said you have to have open sores and stuff to spread AIDS and stuff like that. Ralph said that you can check a chick by sticking a finger in and sniffing. Ralph said he was with a girl once and he was making out with her and he caught a whiff and got the hell out of there.
Howard said that he caught a whiff one time and had to bail on a chick too. He said that she stunk and it wasn't ass smell.
Howard said he used Ralph's services one time and Ralph told him that this chick looked ''dirty'' to him. He said that his rubber actually fell off with that chick. He said that he was peeing the next day and the doctor told him that he may have had a little something in there but nothing major. He said the doctor told him to tell her to get tested for something. He said he should have listened to Ralph because she actually was dirty.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about Michael Vick getting out of jail. She said that he's on probation now.
Robin said that Ryan O'Neal is back in the press and trying to get some publicity for Farrah Fawcett's death. He's been doing some interviews. Howard said that he likes to be interviewed apparently.
Robin brought up the story about Erin Andrews and how that video is helping to spread a virus out there on the web.
Robin brought up the ''Dance Your Ass Off'' show and asked Howard if he's watching that. Howard said he has no desire to watch that show. He said that he'd rather watch good looking people dancing, not fat people.
Robin had some audio of Nicolas Cage talking about a new movie he's in and talking about how he thinks that children's films are magical. Robin had him talking about his son and how he keeps him from seeing him in movies and stuff. They ended the show around 10:50am.
Jon moved on to talk about Beaver Phillips and asked Gary if he thought he had some good tips. Gary said it does seem like he had some good tips in there. He said he's doing the internet kind of thing like they used to do where guys would tell you to hit on everyone because you'll eventually get a hit.
Gary said the guy's good advice was to give yourself a number and start out with chicks who are in the same league and move up from there.
Jon asked Benjy if he thinks that his advice was good. Benjy said that he did have some good stuff. Benjy claims that he's dating someone and isn't doing that stuff anymore. He talked about some of the things that he mentioned during Beaver's call where he suggested using a real, current picture of yourself. Benjy said that he's not so sure about that. He said that the girls do the same thing and they sent out pictures that don't look anything like them.
Gary said they get that when girls send in pictures to the show trying to get on. He said that he'll see some chick looking pouty and the reason she's pouty is because she's missing teeth.
Gary said he was agreeing with Benjy about the conservative chicks too. He said that if they lean that way politically, that doesn't mean that they don't like to have sex.
Gary also brought up JD and how he yells out when he hears Howard bring up his name on air. Jon asked JD why he doesn't want to be involved with that. JD said that he doesn't want his personal life being out there. He said that he isn't on dating sties and stuff but he is on Facebook and sites like that.
Jon played a clip from the show where JD was asked by Howard and Beaver what he was seeking and JD had no idea.
After the clip Jon asked JD if he really doesn't know what he's looking for. JD said he didn't know. Benjy asked him if he could snap his fingers and get either a great relationship or random, hot sex, what would he want. JD said he would probably want the random sex. He said that people in relationships can lead to a lot of drama and he's not looking for that. JD said the longest relationship he was ever in was about a month. Gary said you can't even call that a relationship.
The guys asked JD about that month long relationship and how that came to be. JD said they worked together at a video store. He said that they never even got around to having sex. Gary said that his biggest relationship was with a girl he never had sex with.
JD told the guys how the girl ended up breaking up with him and how he had to keep working with her while she was dating another guy.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he had called in about that PlentyOfFish web site during the Beaver interview and he thinks it's a great site.
Gary asked if Beaver explained what to do when you see a chick that's really heinous and you want out. The guys said he did talk about that and said that he said that you always want to meet them for drinks so you have a way out and don't spend a lot on them.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that JD is his hero. He said that JD is like Tom Cruise compared to him. He said he used to call the party lines to hook up with chicks. He said he's married now but he used to use the internet to hide behind. He said that can screw you sometimes but it can also lead to you getting laid.
Gary said that if you ask a chick in a bar to sleep with you you'll get slapped. If you do that on the internet it's a different thing.
The caller said that JD sounds kind of nervous to him but he's on the Howard Stern Show so maybe putting himself out on the internet wouldn't work for him. He said that he might be playing it the right way.
Gary asked JD if he would rather get a new chick every week with a regular chick or just get one good one once in a while. He didn't get a chance to answer because Craig Gass was in and Gary was goofing on how Craig will bang anything that moves.
JD said that he would probably pick the hot chick. Gary said he knew a guy who would go after the ugliest chick in a bar and he'd end up going home with them every time. Benjy said that Margie is into JD. She's still an intern there though so that won't be happening for a while.
Jon took a call from a guy who said his girl has a ton of mail from that PlentyOfFish web site. He didn't know what it was until he heard it on the air today. The guys told the guy that it's definitely not a place to buy fish.
Another caller said you never go out with a girl who only sends a picture of herself from the shoulders up. He said that there are some other rules to follow and you can get laid. He said that a lot of people can find people that you can get into bed with within 10 minutes. Benjy said he just whips his penis out and sees what happens.
A caller said he dates online a lot and was surprised that Howard didn't ask what race women he dates. He said he dates black and Spanish girls himself. Craig asked him if there are races that are more willing to put out. Benjy said that some of the black girls are kinkier.
The caller was saying that he doesn't believe that the guy had scored with over 700 women in the past 10 years. Jon asked the guys if they believed it. Gary said it is a pretty high number.
Jon asked Craig if he had ever done online dating. Craig said he never did. He said that going to a stranger's house is a weird thing and you wonder if you're going to get killed or something. Craig said that he usually brings chicks back to his place. He said he has gone to a chick's house before but he does have a fear that she's hiding something from him. He said he has seen them hide relationships and stuff and he'd rather just have them come to his hotel room.
Gary said he must be a pussy. He said that if there is a girl who is willing to let him come and meet her, there's no telling what else she's up to.
Another caller said that they could talk to a woman on a web cam or something. He said that if they don't have a picture then you know that they might be a mess.
Craig said there's a comedian who has a great line about asking chicks to hold up a current piece of technology so you know that the picture is current.
Jon asked the guys about what they thought about the Sal shitting story. JD said he believes the intern. Benjy believes the intern too. Gary said he's thinking that it might be true too. Gary said that he never leaves anything in the toilet and always makes sure he flushes. Gary said Howard wonders what kind of person could do such a thing. Now they know that it might be Sal.
Jon played a clip of Craig's interview start where Howard was talking about how he doesn't call them back and things like that.
Gary said he was going to give them a heads up on some of that stuff. Gary said that Craig was within the 5 minute range of being sent home. Gary said that they almost sent Scott Weiland home one time because he showed up late. Craig didn't call Will back yesterday for his pre-interview either. Craig said that he's used to just throwing the ideas out when he's there in the green room. Craig said he was caught up in a bunch of stuff up in Boston yesterday. He said he drove back in this morning and fucked up so that's why he was late and didn't get his pre-interview in.
Gary said he thought Craig was copping an attitude by not calling in. Craig said he'll make sure he calls in a couple of weeks ahead of time next time.
Craig was also talking about how upset he was about Yucko being mad at him. He said that it was a really uncomfortable night when he was out there. He said that it was the most nightmarish thing that he had been involved with.
Craig said he wrote Yucko an email that night and apologized to him. He said that he had been in touch with him before that and said he was sorry about the house burning down and things like that. Craig said that Yucko seemed to be okay with him before the show. Then it turned into the worst night when he and Bob Levy did what they did. Gary said he finds it funny that Yucko isn't mad at Bob Levy even though it was Bob and Craig up on stage.
A caller told Craig that his story about banging those chicks was great and he should get it into a movie. Craig said a few people have told him that. Gary said he heard the story from the other guy and the guy was telling the story with the same details that Craig had. Craig said he has been telling that story for years and it really was the best night of his life.
Craig said that the whole night was crazy and the husband of the one chick was happy that he told him the truth about what had gone on. Craig said that he couldn't believe what was going on at the time. He said that there was a group of guys taking pictures in the tour bus that they were parked in front of and the guys were all cheering. The girls didn't know it because their heads were all down.
Craig said the night was amazing. He said that the girls all gave him their phone numbers and he called the one that he really liked. Craig said she was the one he liked the most and didn't think she had anything to do with the robbing. Craig said he called her and said he was sorry for the way things turned out and she told him that her husband had hit her for not telling him the truth. Craig said that none of that stuff would have happened if they had just told him the truth.
Craig talked about how that caller said that he had slept with his wife but if he did, he didn't know that she was married. Craig said it was frightening by the end of that call because the guy was so angry. He said that his wife is always cheating on him anyway so he's not sure why he'd be so upset with just him.
Sal was saying that maybe he flushed but left some remnants in there. He said he wasn't saying that the intern was lying at all but he did not deliberately leave a pile of shit in the toilet. Jon said the intern said that he saw Sal's shoes and then saw him walk out of that stall and the pile of shit in the toilet. Sal said maybe the toilet was clogged and he didn't check to make sure it went down.
The caller on the line asked Benjy about his internet dating. That led to Benjy saying that he's dating Scott DePace's sister. It turns out that he's not actually dating her, he just saw a picture of her on the internet this morning.
Benjy told the guys that he had a chick who stunk one time and he thought he was doing her a favor by telling her that she had a smell down there. He said he mentioned it to her and she called it off and didn't want to talk to him again. He said he told her she might have an infection and she got really mad. Benjy said that they were making out and doing some stuff and the smell that came out was really weird and bad. He said he had checked with his finger.
That led to Jon playing a clip of Lisa G talking about how she's a C-cup. Jon said that there was a ton of skeptical looks in there. Craig asked what the reaction is in the office when that came up. Gary said that everyone was yelling out ''bullshit'' and saying that there's no fucking way that she's telling the truth.
Gary said that he wants to have the bra lady come in and evaluate Lisa. Gary said he thinks that she might be mis-sized. He said that a B-cup would fit in a C-cup.
Shuli said he went to Tracey Millman's office and she checked Lisa's bra and it was a 32-C. He said that there was someone who thought that maybe they shrank or flattened out and she's still wearing the same bra. Shuli said that some people change the tags on their clothes to make people think they're a different size. They had to take a break a short time later.
Craig said Sal asked him one time about a chick he was hooking up with and said ''Do you feel like awkward at all about your fat belly?'' Craig said he was trying to be nice about it but he was insulting him about his fat belly.
Sal said that Craig used to bang anything that moved back in the day. He would do anyone. Craig told him to shut the fuck up. He was laughing about that.
Craig said that he once had a chick invite him back up to her hotel room in Vegas and told all of the chicks to get out of the room because she needed 2 minutes with him.
Sal said he used to know that Craig would hook up with chicks at every show they'd do together. He said he remembers some of the ugly chicks he saw and mentioned one from Connecticut. They talked about that and how Craig was in the bathroom with a chick and her husband was out looking for his wife. Craig said he didn't know she was married. The girl ended up coming out of the bathroom and said she wasn't doing anything.
Craig said that things have changed with that kind of behavior. He said he's been clean for 4 and a half years and he's in a relationship now. He said he doesn't drink or do drugs anymore and things are much different. Craig said that you never know if you're with a chick who has a husband. He said he was always afraid of stuff like that. He used to hide his money in his sock and stuff like that.
Craig said that was back in 2005 when they were out on tour and banging those chicks. Sal said Craig hasn't been out on the road with them for a long time now. Sal said that the Killers of Comedy is a tough show because people are coming out to see midgets and retards and stuff like that.
Craig said he thought they were going to do that tour for just a few months. He said that Bob Levy could be out headlining but he feels he wants to help people out and that's what he's always doing.
Jon asked Craig about his Christopher Walken story and if there's anything more awkward than being asked to do stuff like that. Craig said that it's tough. He said he did an impression for Lars Ulrich one time and he didn't even see it. He said that he's also had Gene Simmons people call him asking for tickets and asking him to be sure to talk about him during the show. They had to end the show a short time later. Craig got in some plugs for a gig he's doing up in Boston this weekend. Check his dates at MySpace.com/CraigGass.
Howard started the show talking about the big show they had coming up. He said they have Jim Breuer coming in. He said he just saw him mentioned in the paper the other day and thought that he hadn't been on in a while. Then he shows up on the list of guests.
Howard said that they have a guy calling in to talk about his book ''Bobby and Jackie'' which is about Bobby Kennedy and Jackie Onasis. That led to the guys talking about Bobby Kennedy. Howard said he was a big fan. He said it's kind of cool to write about the dead because they're not around to say you're wrong.
Howard said he was listening to a podcast by this guy Dan Klores who used to be his publicist. He said he's a film director now. Howard said he's never really had a publicist really. He said Dan would help from time to time. He said that he asked him to keep him out of the papers and that was the oddest request Dan ever had. Howard said he would ask Dan to keep him out because he had listeners anyway and he wasn't looking for any publicity.
Howard said he wrote a chapter about meeting Michael Jackson for his book one time and Dan was out promoting films and told a story like he was there at the meeting. Howard said he didn't remember Dan being there and he was saying stuff he couldn't believe. Howard said now that he's out saying it, it does kind of make sense.
Howard played some clips from the Bill Simmons podcast where Dan was talking about that meeting. In the clip Dan talked about how hilarious his meetings with Michael were. Dan said he had represented Howard Stern off and on for years. He was going to do a couple of half hour TV specials and one of them was with Michael Jackson. Dan was the one who set it up according to Dan.
Howard said he remembered it being Michael Jackson's people coming to them and setting up that meeting. Howard said it had to do with him defending Michael and endorsing him to get his fans to stop the media from mistreating him.
Howard played another clip and Dan was talking about who was at the meeting and where it was held. Dan talked about how uncomfortable Michael seemed to be. Dan said he thought his glasses were dirty because he couldn't see Michael's nose. He said it turned out there was a Band-Aid on his nose. Dan claims that Howard said he was going to bring out some girls and ask Michael if he was attracted to them. Then he said he was going to bring out a young boy... and the meeting was over.
Howard said he doesn't remember doing that stuff. He said he may have said something jokingly to Dan afterward but not in the meeting. Artie said that sounded like a story that someone would make up about the meeting.
Howard said that this is possibly because he may not be remembering it correctly himself. He said that Gary is great at remembering stuff like that. He said he needs Gary to remember some things in their meetings for things like the History of Howard Stern and things like that.
Howard said he could have joked around with Michael about the young boy but he really doesn't remember doing what Dan said he did. He said he has this weird thing that goes on and he doesn't remember a lot of stuff. Robin said she's the same way. Howard said he kind of zones out and gets bored and that's why he may not remember that stuff. He said anything is possible and Dan may have been right about what he said.
Howard said he thinks that doing an interview with Michael would have been the best interview. He said the whole meeting was insane and he remembers what went on with setting that up. Robin said that's why she thinks that he would have remembered the stuff that Dan said he did. Howard said Dan is a stand up guy and he has to talk to him about that whole thing.
Howard said he was really shook up that day in the meeting. He said Michael was taller than he expected. He said he was really odd looking too. He said Michael was 6'1'' tall at least. Robin said she saw him one time next to Eddie Murphy and he dwarfed him.
Howard said Michael's nose was really weird too and he remembers that. Dan remembered that too. Howard said he remembers staring at the nose and the tape unraveling from it. He said it was like adhesive tape and it was unraveling from his nose. Howard said he wanted to tell him that but felt weird about it.
Howard said he may have said to Michael that he has to show he has a sense of humor about himself and that might be where the young boy thing came from. Howard said it is possible but he's not remembering it exactly.
Robin told Howard to ask his agent because he was in the room during that meeting. Howard said that Don may not want to be on the air. He said he thinks that he doesn't like doing that stuff. Howard said he doesn't even know how to get a hold of Don at this time of morning. He doesn't want to call the house or anything.
Artie said he used to mention some great moments on the show when he first started there and Howard wouldn't remember some of the things he used to do on the show. Howard said he really does have a problem remembering stuff.
Howard said it's possible that Dan was right. He said that Don has a good memory too and he may remember it. Howard said that maybe Don didn't even read his book and that's why he didn't correct him on the story he told.
Howard said Dan got out of the publicist world and has gone into directing. Howard said Dan was amazing when he was helping him out and sticking by him. He said Dan was always on the team, he's a good man.
Howard said Dan should have stuck to being a publicist. That led to Robin telling him that he should stick to doing radio. Howard said that he and Dan are different because Dan wanted to go out and do something else. Howard said he's a DJ who wants to just sit and stare at a wall. He doesn't want to do anything else.
Robin said she's thinking about what Ass Napkin Ed would have done with those things. Richard came in and asked Robin what she uses on her bras because they smelled delicious. Howard said it was probably soap. Robin said that she had the bras in her drawer and they were laundered so it wasn't perfume.
Howard said the guys are retarded because they were saying her breasts smelled fresh but it was laundry detergent that they were smelling.
Richard said he was smelling it and thinking about Robin wearing it. Howard had to correct Richard on the way he was speaking because he was using poor grammar.
Howard said he feels weird about Tim Sabean's spelling. He said the guy's spelling even eludes spell checks. Howard said his emails are filled with misspellings and he sends those emails to people like Mel Karmazin and Scott Greenstein.
Howard said Tim sent Beth something and he was writing about someone's muscles and spelled it ''Mussels'' instead. He said that he used the wrong word but it was spelled correctly. Howard said he makes at least 10 spelling errors in every memo he sends out.
Howard said he's not perfect when he types. He said he doesn't really mess around with his texts and stuff either but a formal memo is a different story. Howard said there's no better place to tell people about that than on the air.
Gary came in with a memo that Tim sent out. Howard read through it and Tim spells patience ''patients.'' Howard said he did a spell check and it came out okay but it was the wrong word. Howard said that's the stuff Tim has to concentrate on. Robin said it's the English language that's wrong and that's why he has such problems with it.
Howard said that the Howard TV guys have video of the guys smelling her bras. He had the guys play some of the video but there was no sound. Howard told them to turn it off if they didn't have audio. Howard asked them to turn it off since no one could see it. Howard said they can see it on Howard TV.
Robin said that men are just creepy. Howard said he's not so creepy that he would start smelling her bra. Artie said he wouldn't do that either. He said he would marvel at the size though.
Howard said their idea was to fill up Robin's bras with stuff but that didn't work out. He said that after seeing the video he thought that maybe they need someone to wear the bra and then stick stuff in it. He said that they need someone like Jason to put the bra on and then shove stuff in the bra.
Robin said she was thinking that putting bowling balls in the bra yesterday was the stupidest idea they've ever had.
Howard said Jason put the bra around his belly and started feeling himself up and said that's probably what it would feel like to feel Robin up. Jason came in and said that the cups were the size of his head.
Howard said he felt bad for Robin after seeing how big the bra is and seeing the size of what it has to hold up. Robin said it's like another piece of clothing she has to wear.
Robin told the guys that the bras they had in there were not hers. She said that they were the bras that the Howard TV guys bought. Robin said that she thinks someone brought her bras home. Howard said the guys bought some bras just in case Robin forgot to bring hers in.
Gary came in and said that no one knows where the bras are except for Richie Wilson and he's not there this morning.
The guys brought the bras in a short time later but there were only two. There were supposed to be four. The other two came in a short time later. Howard was shocked at the size of those things.
Howard had Jason put the bra on. Jason said he didn't know how to put one on but Howard said he sure did yesterday.
Gary tried to help Jason get the bra on but he was too fat. Howard said someone else had to put it on. Jason said he got one on yesterday. Howard asked Benjy to give it a shot. Benjy said he didn't want to. Jason tried to get the other one on but that didn't work either. Robin told Will to try it.
Gary said he was so grossed out right then. He said that he tried to get the bra on and he got crap under his fingernails when he stuck his fingers in Jason's arm pits. He said he had to go and wash his hands.
Howard said some people emailed him yesterday about the Miss Howard TV that was in there and they saw Gange with sweat stains on his shirt in the pictures. Howard wondered if Gange uses deodorant at all. Howard said he never has stains himself because he uses deodorant. Howard saw the pictures and asked what that dude's problem is.
Howard asked Brian Phelan if he'd fit in the bra. Artie said he'd give it a shot if Brian doesn't fit. Artie said he has lost some weight and he is smaller than Jason at this point. Howard told Artie to give it a try. Will said they had some oranges and potatoes to shove in there too. Will said they had a 5 pound bag of potatoes.
Artie tried to put the bra on but it was on upside down. Gary came in and tried to help out again. Artie told him he had some more arm pit sweat for him. Artie didn't fit into the bra either. Gary had him hold his breath and that worked but then there was no room for putting anything into the cups.
Howard said he thinks that they'll be able to get the whole 5 pounds in. The guys were shoving in a potato at a time. They got at least 12 in there and there was still room for more. Howard said they had a lot more room in there. They needed another bag of potatoes. Robin said it was stuffed. Robin said that's because it's away from Artie's body at this point. Gary said that the potatoes are weird shapes.
Howard said he didn't want the potatoes to look like a tit. He said he just wanted to see how much stuff they could shove in there. Robin was complaining about the way they were doing it.
Howard wanted to know how many pounds they could put in there but they already used up all five pounds. Gary said they could use oranges. Howard went off on Gary about it because he said he wanted to know just how many pounds they could put in there and he made that clear in the meeting. Artie laughed and pointed out that he made it clear in their meeting. Howard said ''this ain't IBM Artie...''
Howard said this is what pisses him off about his organization. He said that they don't have the fucking potatoes that he wanted there. Howard said he has to spell it out for them. Howard said he just got a note saying that Brian Phelan took home one of the bags of potatoes. JD said he was offered a bag of potatoes too. Jason said Howard TV was offering that stuff up after the bit didn't work.
Howard said that this is the Howard fucking Stern show and it's his potatoes and his bit that he wants to do and they're busy giving away the stuff. He said that he's got that Doug Z fuckin Goodstein back there with his weird eyes giving away that stuff. Howard said he wants to know where everyone is. No one was coming into the studio. Gary said Doug wasn't there yet.
Howard said the whole concept was to shove the bra full of potatoes and they gave them away. They were going to go out and get more but Howard said he was done with the bit. He needed them at that time, not later.
Howard said he wanted to fired someone over this and told Gary to pick someone. Artie volunteered. Howard said that he can leave then. Artie said that would bring his mother to tears.
Gary told Howard that he could pick Doug, Richie or Brian Phelan. Howard told Gary to fire Doug and blamed it on Gary. He said that Artie should testify in his DUI case dressed like that. Artie said that he could tell the judge that he had never done a drug in his life.
Howard said he just read Gange's Facebook page and he was typing about how he was enjoying a bit plate of potatoes.
Gary said that Scott DePace didn't have anything to do with this but he was busy yelling at him asking where they were. DePace didn't know where they were.
Howard said he just wanted some potatoes and asked them to go out and get them. Then the bit doesn't work out one day and they get rid of that stuff. Howard said they keep so much crap there and the potatoes they get rid of. He said they keep everything in there and the bar is covered in crap they never use.
Gary said they have a bunch of jars of mayonnaise over there. He said they keep that stuff but give away the potatoes.
Robin told Artie that this was another book cover for him while he's wearing the bra. Artie asked if he had to keep that thing on. Howard said he was done with the bit. He then asked Artie to put a thong on with that but Artie said that's where he draws the line.
Artie said he'd keep the bra on if he wanted. He joked that he's taking those potatoes home with him. Howard said he's not sure what to tell him, he has no potatoes to put in there.
Artie took the bra off and let all of the potatoes fall on the floor. Howard and the guys all laughed when they heard the thuds of them hitting the floor.
Howard asked Fred why he was so quiet. Fred said he didn't know what to think about all of this. Howard said Artie had marks all over his back from the bra strap.
Fred asked how many pounds of oranges they had. Howard said they're not in pounds. Howard said it's not as fun if they just put them on the scale and weigh them. Fred said it might be fun to have potatoes and oranges together. Howard said he just wanted to end it. He went to break after that.
Howard came back from break and said that he was reading this book about Bobby Kennedy and Jackie Onasis. He had the author of the book, ''Bobby and Jackie: A Love Story,'' on the phone. The guy, C. David Heymann, was saying that this story was no secret and it definitely happened. He said that they have people on tape talking about how it did happen. David said that he had to get access to Secret Service files to find out for sure. Howard said he claims that he found out that Bobby was fingering Jackie out on the beach. David said that there were some references to them being out on the beach and doing things like that.
David said that this was not a great surprise. He told Howard about some of the stuff he has in the book and filled him in on the details about what was going on. Howard said it's amazing that they had time for a public life with all of the sex that was going on.
Howard read about how JFK had cheated on Jackie on their Honeymoon. David said that a lawyer who he interviewed told him about that. He said that Jack had left Jackie standing there with a drink and went off with a young chick from the party they were at. Howard said it's amazing that they did this stuff. He said they must have learned from their father to do that kind of thing.
Howard said that you can't be so horny that you have to go out and have sex with a woman on your honeymoon. Howard said the guy must have felt that he was entitled to it.
Howard read that Kennedy would have full blown orgies at a pool at their house. David gave Howard some details about that and said that there would be women ushered in and out and the wives knew about all of this and they'd just go out and go horseback riding.
Howard said it's amazing that none of this came out when it was going on. These days it would take five minutes to come out. David said that there was going to be a story that was going to come out but Bobby called them and said he was going to shut down their paper if they ran the story. He was the attorney general at the time and had that power.
David told Howard that the Kennedy family didn't like Jackie Onasis for the most part. He said he heard stories about what went on with the family when she'd visit.
Howard asked David if any of the guys knocked up the women they were with. He wondered if there were more Kennedy's walking around out there. David said he thinks that they were very careful and they don't have any kids running around. David said that there were some Secret Service files that showed that JFK would get a hooker before doing his debates and things like that. Howard said the big secret for debating is to get a hooker before hand.
Howard said David claims that there were a bunch of gay guys who said they had sex with JFK Jr. David said that he doesn't believe them but there were a few guys who said that. Howard said he knew JFK Jr. and he was very much into women. Howard went over a few other things from David's book and then let him go.
Doug said that he didn't want to keep the potatoes up there because they could go bad and bring bugs and things. Howard said that they shouldn't have gotten it up there on Friday then. Howard told Doug to ask him if the bit was over. Doug said he should have sent him a note. Howard said he didn't know he had to do that. Howard asked Gary how many bits he has had running for years that they just haven't gotten to. Doug told him that he has to let them know if he wants them to keep the food around.
Howard said he didn't know that he had to do that. He said that he just wanted the potatoes there. Doug asked him if anyone knew that he wanted to do this today. Howard said no one did but he never said he was done with the bit.
Doug said that he can't win. Howard thanked him and sent him home. Doug asked for a hug. Howard told him that Gary was the one who fired him. He thanked Doug for that.
Howard told them to bring him the bra. Gary said he had two five pound bags of potatoes to try. Howard said they already did it though. He's not sure anyone cares now.
The guys had a shot of Artie giving the finger to Jason while wearing his bra up on HowardStern.com.
Howard said it's funny that Doug is worried about bugs all of a sudden. He said they should have bought them over the weekend of on Monday morning if he was worried about that. Howard said he didn't know he had to send out memos on this stuff.
Howard had the guys bring the stuff back in and told Doug that he's going to be the one wearing the bra to make up for this whole mess. Doug came in and put one of the bras on and Gary started to fill it up with potatoes. Gary counted them off as he filed it up.
Howard said he feels bad for Robin having to carry that stuff around with her all the time. He said that it's like a piece of equipment she has to put on.
Some of the potatoes were falling out but Gary said it was because he loaded it wrong. He said he should have put the big ones in first. He said he was up to 19 potatoes and he was up to about 10 pounds. Gary said if he just put one more in then it was the full 10 pounds of potatoes.
Doug said that he thinks that he has room for more. He was wearing a wig too and that hair was going into his mouth as he was trying to speak. Howard told the guys to unharness him and let the potatoes fall on the floor. Howard said that's what Robin carries every day. Howard told Doug to ride the Sybian now.
Gary said that this is what Robin has to carry every day but she's actually carrying a G-cup full and not the old DD-cup. Doug apologized to Howard for the confrontation but he was standing his ground.
Howard said that Lisa claims that showing cleavage would be unprofessional but Robin shows cleavage every day. Lisa said that her job is different.
Fred said that just because Lisa wears a C-cup doesn't mean she has a C-cup. Lisa said that she had a hard time finding her size, 32-C, so she never was able to find the right size. She said that she had to rush to buy bras in that size when they'd get into stock at stores. She said they never lasted long.
Lisa got to her news preview and said she spoke to Bam Margera about his possible overdose and he did say that he was drinking and got into a fight with his wife Missy. Bam threw his wife out of the house and went on the bender and got dehydrated. Then he filmed a stunt for Nitro Circus and he ended up in the hospital after that. Bam is going out of town and he's going to think about some things. She said he was saying that Missy is the greatest wife he could have but she's tired of his drinking and of the stuff he's up to.
Howard said they found that a 32-C is the same as a 34-B cup. Lisa said those don't fit her right. She said that she has tried them. She said that's what she used to have to try and fit into.
Lisa said that Jillian Barberie Reynolds has found out that she's having a boy. Lisa said that people are suggesting that they name the kid Howard. Howard said that would be so great because she is such a huge fan. Lisa said she likes the name ''Rocco.'' Howard said he likes Howard better.
Lisa said that the Huffington Post has listed Gary as one of the 7 worst celebrity pitches. Howard said that Robin made it to a list of Cougars. Lisa hadn't heard that. Howard read that she was also on a list of 100 top breasts. Howard said that she should do another flash of her bra because the one they were showing in that article was an old one.
Robin was voted the number 1 cougar on an AOL site. Howard said that there was a whole list of women on there but Robin was number one. Fred said Martha Stewart, Elizabeth Hurley and a bunch of other women were on there. Howard asked if that's a compliment. Fred said he thinks it is because it means that Robin is fun.
Lisa said she spoke to Annemarie about the incident they had down in Florida with Robin. Artie's sister was down there too so Howard asked if he spoke to her about that. Artie said he asked her how her vacation was but that was about it.
Howard said he can imagine Robin asking her human wall of Annemarie and Stacie protecting her from everyone, including him. Howard said he got some email from some people who say that they have to animate the paparazzi attack down in Miami.
Howard said that he still thinks that Robin was going down to Florida to visit some guy. Robin said that there was no guy involved. She said that a guy flew the plane. Howard asked if there was romance in Miami. Robin repeated his question and wouldn't answer. Howard said there obviously is since she's not answering. Robin said she has friends in Miami. She said she loves her friends. Howard kept asking her if she had romance in Miami while she was with the girls. She said she did not.
Howard asked Robin to swear to god that she didn't have romance with a man in Miami. She did that and said that she was only with the girls down there this time. Howard said he thought she had something going on down there. He has theories about that.
Howard told Beth to guess what size Lisa was. Beth guessed she was a 32-B. Lisa said that was wrong and Beth said there's no way that she's a C. Beth said she's a C herself. Beth said there's no way that Lisa is a C-cup.
Beth said she's 5'10'' tall with a C. Lisa said that breasts come in all different sizes. Beth said that she wants to take her to the bra place and they can film it. She said she'd bet that it's not a C. Everyone was betting that there's no way she's a C.
Beth said that just because you buy a C-cup doesn't mean that you're a C. Lisa said that she has tried a B and she's not comfortable. Beth wants to go with her to the bra place with her and find out.
Beth said that Lisa's breasts are proportioned to her body and she should be happy with what she has. She asked her if she's insulted by what she's saying. Lisa said she's not at all.
Howard said he thinks that Lisa is insulted by the comments. Lisa said that she's comfortable with that size and that's what she's going to wear. Howard told Lisa to go to the bra store with Beth and find out for sure. Lisa said she'll do it if they have time to do it.
Lisa said that she's been sitting on this story for a long time. She felt it was right to come out with it now that Robin has been talking about her G-cups. Robin said that she thought the woman was out of her mind when she said she was a 34-G. She said that her life has changed now that she has the right size.
Howard asked Lisa if she's hiding any other radio gold from them. Lisa laughed and said no. Beth told Lisa to come over to her and pulled her shirt tighter. She wanted to see if they were bigger than she thought. Fred said he doesn't believe that they're as big as she thinks. Fred said that Terri Hatcher once asked them to guess what size she was and he was the only one to guess correctly. Fred said there's nothing wrong with being a B-cup or smaller, they'd still be fine on Lisa.
Howard said he still thinks that Lisa is insulted by this. Lisa said she's really not. Howard said that if someone said his penis was smaller than he thought, he'd be insulted. Howard told Beth to bring a trauma psychologist with her just in case she freaks out.
Beth said she thinks that Lisa is a B-cup and not even a ''full B.'' Lisa said she thinks that she has a C on one side and a full C on the other side. Fred said they might look like Marty Feldman. Howard said he'll even pay for Lisa's new bra if she is wearing the wrong size. Beth said she loves Lisa.
Howard said he was telling this story yesterday about Beth getting drunk at her prom and being suspended. Beth thanked him for telling that story. She said that's really the only thing she's ever done wrong. Howard said Beth's life was magical. He said that she was suspended form school and the principal came and visited her every day of the 11 day suspension. Beth said that he didn't visit every day.
Beth said she never drank in high school but she decided to do it on prom night. She said her boyfriend wanted her to drink and he got all excited about that. Beth said she drank a lot and she was never a drinker. She said that she didn't eat and she got really wasted on the drive to the prom. She said that she got out of the car and their video class teacher was taping them. She said that they kept playing it over and over. She said she ended up home in bed that night.
Beth said that the principal had tears in his eyes when she went to school the next Monday when he had to suspend her. Howard said he didn't even know his principal's name. Beth said it wasn't anything weird. She said that he was just a good friend and it wasn't creepy at all.
Howard and Robin asked Beth what she spoke to the guy about. Beth said it was so nothing and it was so normal. Beth said that she was on the student council and played basketball so she had friends of all sorts. Artie said that she would be the kind of person to let Howard out of the locker.
Howard said he knows that he wouldn't have been friends with the principal. Beth said she was a kiss ass and became friends with all of her teachers. She loved high school.
Howard said Beth is in the middle of writing a book called ''Oh My Dog.'' She gave a shout out to Mike Gafne who just adopted a dog from the North Shore Animal League. She said she's so happy about that. Howard said Mike was asking Beth a bunch of questions about the dog and he wished that he had her book.
Howard said that if anyone has questions about their dogs then they should write to Beth. Beth said that's not what she wants. She said she would like people to email her comments about how they bond with their dogs. She told Howard how she bonds with the dog and said she wants to know how other people do that. She said that you can email her at BethOMyDog@gmail.com.
Howard said that Scott DePace likes to bond with his dog by beating it. Scott came in and said that he smacks the dog once in a while and doesn't beat it. Beth said she's writing about positive reinforcement and you don't have to yell at your dog. Scott asked what he's supposed to do when the dog jumps on the table and starts chewing on his phone. Beth said he needs a professional to come in and help train the dog.
Scott said he hugs the dog before he leaves for work. Beth asked him what he does to his kids. Scott said he would spank them if they stole something or did something major. Scott said there are many different ways to train a dog and who's to really say what's right.
Scott said that the dog is starting to cower when he raises his hand. Howard asked Scott if he heard what he just said. Scott said that he puts his hand up and threatens the dog if she starts to jump up and the dog responds. Beth said that's sad when she heard that his kids see that happen. Scott said his wife, Pam, has done that as well.
Howard said that Gary shocks his dog. Beth said she doesn't believe in those fences either. She said that she doesn't believe in shocking your dog. Howard said Beth is going to address this stuff in her book but he was reading that the shocking can change a dog's personality and turns them mental.
Beth said that brushing a dog's teeth will also extend their life by up to 5 years. Artie said that he doesn't know what Scott is doing to that dog but he heard the dog runs away when he lights up a cigarette.
Howard took a call from Scott's dog, Cookie, which was actually the guys playing dog barking clips. Howard asked the dog some questions about what Scott does to it.
Beth said she has a friend who has been contributing to her book. She said that he would work with his dog if he wanted. Scott said he thinks the dog is doing better. Beth said he's still hitting the dog though. Scott said that no one has been able to speak to a dog and they don't know that it's the best way.
Howard said he had a lab who would jump on the table and he never had to hit it. He said that you can give a firm ''No!'' and then praise the dog when it gets down. Howard said they will respond the same way from a smack but not hitting the dog is the right way.
Ronnie came in and said that he had a shock collar because a trainer suggested it. He said that an hour into the training the dog totally freaked out and ran into the house and sat in a corner and wouldn't move for a full day. Howard said that was insane that a trainer was using a shock collar. Ronnie said the trainer's dogs were like zombies from that.
Howard asked Cookie if it was true that Scott had a rape table at his house. The dog barked yes. Beth said this isn't something to joke about and she wants to help Scott train the dog. Beth said that it's just not right to hit a dog to train it. She said that she doesn't believe in that at all.
Howard said he thinks that Scott might be jealous of his dog because it has hair. Scott said that dog comes running up to him when he comes home. Howard said that Hitler had people kissing his ass too. Beth said that they had a dog at the North Shore Animal League that was treated the worst a dog could be treated and she's still a very loving dog. Scott said he thinks that means that it doesn't hurt the dog and she's fine.
Howard said he saw a dog that had the teeth hammered out of its head and they had even knocked one of her eyes out. He said that the dog was still very loving. He said that doesn't mean it's right to do that stuff to them.
Scott said that it doesn't hurt the dog to hit it. He said that if the dog still loves him then there's nothing wrong with it. Scott said he feels that he's from a different place than they are.
Howard said Beth was disgusted by this. Scott said his dog loves him and they're a very loving family. Artie said ''Who gives a shit!?''
Beth said that Artie's ex-girlfriend, Dana, is contributing to her book too. Artie said that's very nice of her to include her in the book.
Howard said there was a story about the circus using hooks and stuff on these elephants they have and that was really awful. They spent a minute on that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he sees all of this love that Beth has for dogs and it's sad that she won't get to extend that to a child. Howard said Beth hears that all day long. Howard told her about Senator Al D'Amato being on the show and saying that he should have a kid. Beth said he didn't tell her all of that, he had just told her that he was having a kid and how old he was.
Another caller asked Beth for some advice on modeling agencies for his 20 year old daughter. Beth gave him some suggestions on who she should be using. Beth gave him some advice on what to send the agencies and things like that.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked Beth if she had gotten her letter. Beth said she did get it and she's going to go over every question she sent in. Howard had to hang up on Mariann when she started to ramble on a little too much.
Howard asked Beth if she's against Mariann from Brooklyn having a shock collar. Beth said she just had to add that anything other than dog related contributions won't be read by her. She said that someone else will be reading the mail before she gets it. She said she will only read the dog mail.
Howard asked Beth if she was okay. He thought she was a little shook up from the Scott thing. She said that she is a little shook up over that.
Howard said that Beth is going to be leaving him for about a month and Artie had no idea. Howard said she's going to be doing a job for a solid month. Howard said it's a good job and he's proud of her but he didn't marry her for her to leave for a month. Beth said Howard is going to come and visit. Howard said he doesn't know about that. Howard said he's kind of bummed out about it. He said he doesn't like to fly so he may not visit. He said he may do that for her though. Howard wished Beth luck and said it was nice knowing her.
Howard said Robin told him that she would come over and let him fondle her breasts while she's away. Robin said she didn't say that.
Howard asked Beth about what Robin is up to because she must know something. Howard said Beth must share stories with Robin about him. He wants to know some stories about her too.
Howard asked Beth if she knows things about Robin that would be good for the show. Beth said ''yes'' and said she won't lie about that. Howard said he knows he could find out about stuff off the air but he doesn't want to know that stuff off the air. He wants her to talk about it on the air. Artie said he didn't know there was an option.
Howard asked Beth if Scott agreed not to hit his dog again, would she fill him in on the stories. Beth said she can't do that. Scott said he would do that for them.
A caller said that bull dogs don't live very long and asked what they're going to do when Bianca dies in 6 months. Beth said they know someone who has a bull dog that's 12 years old. Beth said that they're going to adopt more dogs. Howard said ''We are?'' and asked her why they have to do that. Beth said that they've discussed that before.
Howard said he likes to have one dog at a time. He said he doesn't do well with dogs. Beth said he's going to be home with her alone for a month. Howard said she might die. Beth told him to stop. Howard said if she does die while she's away, he's going to be blamed.
Beth said that Howard picks up Bianca's doody. She said that Howard also cleans out her ''tail socket'' sometimes. Artie didn't know what that was. She said Howard cleans her bum.
Beth said that she has a big zit. Howard said she picks at it and she keeps picking at it. She said that she would rather have a hole in her face than a pimple. Howard said she's beautiful anyway.
Howard said he can't believe that Robin goes to Miami for a man. Robin said she has been going to Miami for a long time. She said she has things that she does and she goes to other places. Howard asked Robin why she goes to Miami when she has a beach house in New Jersey. Robin said she has friends down there.
Howard told Beth about the paparazzi almost getting a shot of Robin down in Miami. She had a human shield consisting of her friends Annemarie, Stacie and Jodi. Howard gave Beth another plug for that email address and then went to break.
Howard came back and said that the whole Lisa G thing was still causing controversy. He said the Bleeding Deacons don't believe it and sent in a song parody about it. Their song was ''Lisa G Ain't No 32-C'' to the tune of ''Dirty Deeds.''
Howard had Jim Breuer come in after that. Howard said that Jim is doing just one show a week there now on Raw Dog. Jim said that they treat him good there. He said that he has a plan to get his career going and that's what he's been busy doing.
Howard said he thinks that Jim is way more talented than they think he is. Howard said that Jim has a job in a movie now. Jim said that he's going to be doing a voice over in a movie called ''Zoo Keeper.'' Jim said that he'll be doing that with Adam Sandler and Kevin James. He told Howard that when he left the show it was just like Howard said it was going to be and it was like they rolled the red carpet out for him.
Howard asked Jim what he's going to be playing in this movie. Jim said that Kevin James asked him to do this voice personally. He said he wants him to play a crow. Howard said that's probably because Jim played that Goat Boy and it became a huge sensation. Jim said he still has people asking him to do that voice at his local Shop Rite.
Howard asked Jim what he's going to do for this voice. Jim said he's just going to do his regular voice. He said that's what Kevin asked him to do. He said his part isn't a lead but he is in the whole movie and it's a pivotal role for the movie.
Howard asked Jim if there's a lot of money in this. Jim said that there isn't really a lot of money. Howard said it seems to be that he's hinting that he has some other things in the works too. Jim said there are some things. He went into his Joe Pesci impression and said that he has heard some things. Howard said he can imagine a Joe Pesci joke machine or a Goat Boy machine that says stuff when you hit a button.
Howard said with any luck he could be on the same road as Gilbert Gottfried. He said that he could be a duck. Jim said there is a lot of money in that but Gilbert walks around like he's homeless.
Jim said that the last time he was on he was shopping around for agents and he got a lot of offers when they heard him on Howard's show. He said he's with the same people that represent Judd Apatow. Howard said that could lead to him doing some things with Judd Apatow.
Howard said he heard that Jim's marriage might not be going so great. Jim said that things are great. He said they have their ups and downs but things are good. Jim said that his wife did find religion again but she's not going around knocking on doors or anything like that.
Howard said she must be less fun. Jim said that she's not less fun. He said that he's a metal guy and his music had to come to an end in the car. He said that he can't listen to his music in the car. He said that she's telling him it's bad messages and stuff like that.
Howard asked Jim what his wife is afraid of happening. He said that she doesn't like letting in the impure stuff. Jim said that she listens to that Christian channel and it's a disaster. He said that he'll let her play a couple of those songs but after a while it gets to him.
Jim said that their sex life is still good but he can't get into the hard core stuff. He said it has to be loving. He said he was never into the weird stuff though so that's not a big deal. Howard asked if he goes to church with her. He said he had to just to make sure she wasn't getting sucked into a cult.
Jim said that his friends were worried about her. He said that Pete Correalle was really worried. He said that Pete was saying that she was in a cult. Jim had to convince him that things were going fine and their marriage was actually improving.
Jim said his marriage was in a bad place for a while. He said that they were drifting apart. He said after their second child was born she had no feelings for it and it was that Post Partem thing. He said he didn't get that at all. Jim said she just told him that she didn't know what was wrong with her but she had some anger issues and things like that.
Jim said that he'd hear his wife on the phone with her mother and he knew it was going to be a bad night. Jim said that she was a second child herself so that could have had something to do with it. Jim said that he was beyond flipped out when she revealed this to him.
Howard said that he must have been flipping out thinking that he was going to have to raise the kids himself. Jim said that things were so bad that he had to pull himself off the road. He said that he was afraid that something really bad could happen. Jim said that she tried every outlet for help. He said she went to this thing called the Forum in Jersey and they're really like a cult.
Robin said that she actually did the Forum herself. Jim imagined that Robin came out of there with her eyes all zulu'd out and ended up calling people about the whole thing. Robin said she re bonded with her family after doing that.
Gary came in and told Howard about the call he got from Robin after she did that Forum program. She told him that he did a great job on the show and she also told him that she loves him. Robin said that she had been terrible to Gary and she thought about it and had to make that call. She said she started to reflect on herself and on how she treats other people and that's why she made the call.
Jim went into his Joe Pesci impression again and went off on Robin as Joe about that whole thing. Howard said that sounds unbelievable.
Howard asked Jim about his wife going to this Forum thing. Jim said he sent his cousin with her and they looked like aliens when they came back. He said they were brainwashed for 3 straight days. He said they weren't allowed to leave for 3 days. Robin said that's not true, they don't keep you there like that.
Jim said that the stuff wears off after a while. He asked Robin if she went back. Robin said she did go back a couple of times.
Jim said that things were so bad that he was going to go out and rent a place to live. He said he went out and found a place for $800 a month and he told the guy he'd take it. Jim said that he was done at that point. He said that the guy ended up giving away the apartment the day he was coming to rent it. Jim said he got pissed about that and said he wasn't going to find another place that close to home.
Jim said he went home that day and his wife looked weird to him. He said he asked her if everything was okay. Jim said that he asked where the kids were and wondered why the cat was bubbling. He said his wife told him that something weird had happened. He said he had no idea where that was going. She told him that she went to the coffee shop in town and there was a woman behind the counter who took her hand and asked her to take a drive to her house. Jim said she actually went with her.
Jim said that his wife told him that she got into the car and went with her and he had a feeling the story was going to have a horrible ending. Jim said he knew the woman she was talking about. He said she went to this woman's house and the husband was there. Jim said he knew it was going to get bad when he heard that. Jim said she told him that the two of them held hands, dropped to the floor and started praying for her. Jim said they were praying for her soul and for her marriage to be fixed.
Jim said that he was waiting for something freaky to come up. He said his wife felt something overwhelming and started crying. Jim asked her what that all meant. She said she didn't know but she was going to try church. That's when she got into the whole church thing after never being a church person.
Jim said he's a big God guy but he's never read the bible or anything. Jim said when that went down with the Forum and therapy and things, it was the first time in their lives that they would have full blown arguments about god knows what. He said that every door in the house was broken, they have a crack in the wall in the laundry room and things like that.
Jim said after their fights his wife would come down and tell him that it was her issues and she was just trying to work things out on her own. Jim said he felt that it saved their marriage. Howard asked if she's the hottest chick at church. Jim said she is and he's keeping an eye on her.
Jim said he started going to church and he found that when someone is born again they're like new swimmers who have just discussed the water. He said that she was trying to get him into the whole thing and he was hearing ''Jesus'' way too much at first. He said that she leveled out and the common sense is returning to her.
Jim said that his wife loves his old friends and she's not avoiding them or anything like that. He said that his parents are still involved too and he's been trying to break his parents up forever.
Jim said he thinks that his father just can't leave his mother. He said that she beats the mental shit out of him and he's been trying to break them up. He said that he actually took his dad into his house to get him away from her for a while. Jim said he told his mom that she was beat up from the gall bladder thing that she had done. He said he wanted to take his father home and take care of him for her.
Jim said that his mother missed his father and wanted him to come home. Jim said that it was phenomenal having his dad there. He stayed there for two weeks and he shit himself the first night. Jim said that he can't make it 20 feet when he has to shit.
Jim said he went out to a restaurant and had an espresso. He said he has to shit a little while later and his dad just can't make it to the bathroom if he has the same thing going on.
Jim said that his wife will pray when they go out to dinner. He said he's fine with it at home but not out in public. Jim said they went out recently and Brian Johnson from AC/DC had asked them to go out. He said that he loves that guy and he's personal friends with him. He said he didn't want his wife praying at dinner that night. Jim was doing his impression of Brian and made it sound like he can't understand a word he's saying.
Jim said that he calls Brian's wife to set things up. Howard asked how he got close to him. Jim said that he did a bit where he had AC/DC doing the Hokey Pokey in his stand-up act. He did a little bit of that for Howard and had the guys laughing.
Jim said that they started playing that bit on some radio stations and Brian eventually saw it and came on the Raw Dog show. He said that Brian called him at home one time and asked him to do this show with him. He did the impression of Brian talking to him and not making it easy to understand.
Jim said that Brian asked him to do the Hokey Pokey bit at the show. He went down to do it and there were a bunch of bands there doing songs and stuff. He said that AC/DC came out and did some songs and he had the audience going nuts. Jim said they were doing all of their huge hits and then they told him he was going up after Hell's Bells to sing the Hokey Pokey. Jim was scared to death to do it but they actually pulled it off.
Jim said that the crowd cheered when Brian introduced him. He said that they probably thought he was from Dokken or some band like that.
Jim said that Brian is a great guy and he's just like the guys he grew up with but he great up in Newcastle or wherever. Jim said that he and his wife used to drink and she'd turn into a monster. He said that they'd have a party and as soon as the last guest would leave she'd turn into a monster and go off on him about something he had said at the start of the party.
Jim said that Brian noticed that his wife wasn't drinking when they went out to dinner. He asked her not to say grace at dinner that one night. He said he just wanted her to lay low. Jim said that she stayed silent and did the praying thing anyway. He said he respects that but he'll just talk louder to distract people from seeing it.
Howard asked Jim what's more embarrassing, his dad crapping his pants or his wife praying at dinner. Jim said it has to be the crap. He said that he has to help the guy clean up when he does that. Jim said his wife will call him up to help when he does that crap. He said his father will be waddling and his junk will be hanging out. He said you can see the prize he left and all of that.
Jim said he has to wipe his father's ass for him. He said he doesn't have the strength to do it himself. Jim said he'll get a pound of wet naps and a stick with a brush on it to clean up. He said he'll have the dry heaves in the middle of it. He said the smell is horrifying. He said he tells his dad that these things happen and he can't help it.
Jim said that he'll throw his clothes into a kitty litter bag. He said that his father can't wipe very well every time and he has to sniff his ass like a little kid to make sure he doesn't stink. He said he'll just throw his clothes out and then give him some of his hand me downs.
Howard asked how old the guy is. Jim said he's 86. Howard said his father is 86 too but he's never had to wipe his ass. Howard said he respects Jim for doing that for his dad. He asked if his mother changes his diapers for him. Jim said she'll call him to come over and do it for him.
Jim said that his father was taking like 10 pills a day and he was going into a coma for 10 hours a day. Jim said that he knows he's going to miss his dad when he's gone. He said he never gets resentful about having to take care of him or anything like that.
Howard gave Jim some plugs for some shows he's doing. Howard said Jim's stand-up special ''Lets Clear The Air'' will be on Comedy Central this weekend. He's also got his show on Raw Dog on Friday afternoons every week. Howard said he'll be in Morristown, New Jersey too and you can find out more at JimBreuer.com.
Jim said he didn't tell the ending of that dinner with Brian Johnson. He said that every other word out of his mouth is ''fuck and cunt.'' Jim said that he says it like a thousand times. Jim said his wife was laughing through the whole thing. Jim said that Brian told him that he had to bring his fuckin cunt kids to visit him over in France. Howard asked if she just sits there and takes it. Jim said she does. He said he left dinner and said that he's such a wonderful guy for wanting to hang out with them. He said that Brian actually blew off a meeting with Scott Greenstein that night to hang out with him. He said he kind of rubbed that in Scott's face too.
Jim said he thought it was great to hang out with the guy and he wanted to go over to France to visit. He said his wife said that their family wasn't going anywhere near that guy. Jim said the guy is funny but his wife doesn't want the kids near him. Artie said he would go with him if he wanted.
Howard said he had to wrap up with Jim but he had to take some calls too. The first caller asked Jim if he showed Gary his pitch for the Mets. Jim said that he saw it and he thinks that Gary belongs on the Mets. Jim said he's thrown a pitch and it was a good one. He said that he felt pressure on him throwing that pitch. He said that he was wasted the day he did it and had smoked pot and drank before he did it. Howard said maybe that was Gary's mistake not being wasted.
Jim said he walked past Mike Piazza and told him that Lars from Metallica said hello. He knew it was the stupidest thing to say but he was trying too hard.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked Jim if he has a favorite guest or moment from Saturday Night Live that he loved. Jim said he loved Mayor Giuliani. He said he was the most normal, cool guy. He said he took them all out to dinner one night. He said that Giuliani and Lorne Michaels were talking and he had to break it up by saying that the Mets and the Yankees would be playing each other and asked what the fag Yankees had. That led to him talking to and drinking with Giuliani for the rest of the night.
Jim said that Giuliani told him some great stuff that night. He said that he bonded with the guy. Then he came and saw him at Carolines. Jim said he saw Giuliani at Shea Stadium at a Mets game on opening day and he busted his balls about being a Yankee fan. Giuliani said he was going to get him back. About a year and a half later he was doing a thing at Yankee stadium and the game ended up getting canceled. Jim said that George Steinbrenner invited him up to his personal office. He said Steinbrenner came up to him and asked if he was Yankee fan. Jim said he hates the Yankees with a passion but he told George that they're awesome. While he was talking to him he calls Giuliani over. Jim didn't know he was in the room. Then Rudy tells George that he had the biggest Yankee hater standing right there in his office. Jim said that George got really pissed at him and Giuliani told him that he was going to get him back and punched him in the arm.
Howard gave Jim some more plugs and wrapped up with him. Robin wondered when he's going to have to find religion. Jim said that's never going to happen. Robin told him not to say never. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Steve Langford come right in with his Howard 100 News preview. Steve said they have a story about Ivy Supersonic and how she may not delete the file from her cell phone that they asked her to remove after letting off in the case of recording the Madoff trial. Steve said that Ivy is saying that she will never delete it and it has to be worth a million dollars. Howard asked what she's doing and said that's very weird.
Steve said they also have a story about Howard being wrong about Janine Lindemulder's last name. Howard said he didn't know that. He thought it was Lindemueller. Steve said that he has confirmed that it is in fact Lindemulder.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran through his list of subjects for today's show. They got sidetracked a little bit when Jon brought up Beth's visit. Howard said he's been trying to keep Beth from getting another dog by saying that they're in the middle of construction and they can't have two at a time. Howard said he can barely take care of himself and he can't have two dogs. He said he doesn't want to tell Beth that. Howard said if he were retired, he could have two dogs. Robin said that construction work is going to be over eventually. Howard said maybe he'll be retired by the time that place is done.
Howard said Beth looked great today. He said she was wearing a great dress. Artie said she really did look good. Jon finished up his Wrap Up Show preview after that.
Howard asked David what his problem is because he came in on one of those little scooters. David said that he has Multiple Sclerosis so he has to use it. The guy said he's had it for 25 years and he's had the scooter for about 5 years.
Howard played Robin in with Dan the Song Parody Man's song ''34-G.'' Robin started her news with a story about how pre-chewing food for infants can transmit AIDS. Howard wondered who is pre-chewing food. He said it must be in other countries. Robin read the story about the pre-chewing and they found that some people have tiny amounts of blood in their saliva and that's how it gets transmitted.
Howard read a story about a worker at a plant that's going to be producing a new iPhone. The worker killed himself when one of the prototype units disappeared. They say that there is a lot of pressure on the employees not to let anything about their products get out. Howard said that the guy got so freaked out about losing one of the phones that he killed himself. Howard said there's more to the story but he didn't feel like reading the whole thing.
Robin read a story about Italy's premiere who has been caught on tape by a prostitute. Howard figured they wouldn't be so upset about that over in Italy because they realize that guys need to do stuff like that once in a while.
Robin read about Jamie Lee Curtis admitting she's addicted to morphine. She had some plastic surgery and came out saying that she got addicted to morphine after that. Howard said he would have cared more 20 years ago. Artie said he would have cared back when she was in ''Trading Places'' and came out of bed topless. Now he doesn't give a shit.
Robin read some news about AEG denying that they had any control over what Michael Jackson was doing before he died. Howard said the guy was whacked out of his skull and he was responsible for himself. He said if you're addicted to drugs then it's possible that you're going to overdose. Robin said he may have been mentally ill though.
Robin said that Sony has paid $60 million for the AEG footage of Michael Jackson's rehearsals for his concerts. Howard said he doesn't think they're going to make their money back on that. Robin said that Michael Jackson didn't have any money but he was working on a film about foster parents.
Robin read about how CBS isn't going to remove Walter Cronkite's voice from the CBS evening news every night. Robin said they were going to stop but his family gave them permission to keep using it. Fred threw in the Walter Cronkite ''Er.. What?'' clip that they got during an interview with Stuttering John years ago.
Robin read a story that led to Artie talking about how Stuttering John was ordering a bunch of whip-its when he'd do comedy shows. He said he would just sit there and do one after another back then. Howard said that stuff can really fuck you up too. Robin said that there are 11 and 12 year olds inhaling whip-its (nitrous oxide) at school.
Howard asked how those whip-it things work. Artie said that you have to hold the whipped cream top a certain way. Gary said if you hold the can straight up no whipped cream will come out. Artie said that John was so into it he would go through a case of Redi-Whip at a comedy show. He said that's the guy they had as an announcer on the Tonight Show. Howard said if you had to listen to Jay Leno you'd be doing that too.
Robin said that Stephen Baldwin is bankrupt. Howard said he read that this morning. Robin said that he filed for chapter 11 protection. He owes $2.3 million on a couple of homes and owes $1 million in taxes. Robin said that his wife is also named in the filing. Howard said he likes Stephen and he feels bad for the guy.
Robin said that Stephen could do better if he just worked more. Howard said that it must be weird to have movie star fame and then it just goes away. Robin said that he's not taking care of himself anymore and he doesn't even look like himself. Artie said he also found religion and that's the worst thing for creativity.
Robin read about former Mayor Koch having surgery. She said that he was one of the best Mayors they ever had there and hopes he recovers okay.
Robin read a story about a woman who is accusing Ben Roethlisberger of rape. She had another story about a woman who had a child after she was raped. She gave that child up for adoption and thought she never had to see the kids. They came to her eventually so she's upset that they opened the files and let the kid find out who she was.
Howard said it's not fair to the people who give up the kids because they may not want their families knowing what went on.
Robin read a story about how clue less people are about their own anatomy. She said a study was done asking people about where their organs are located and not too many were able to figure out where their kidneys were.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what the deal was with them trying to get off the air on time and ending interviews too quickly. The guy wondered why they didn't extend the Jim Breuer interview. Howard said he had Jim in for over an hour. The caller said he was good though and he could have kept going. Howard said he knows what he's doing with this show and they have to trust him with that. Howard said Jim is great and kills but you have to go out on a high note.
Howard said a lot of people question him on that stuff but he knows the interview was great but maybe these people should go out and try to find their kidneys.
Robin read a story about the family of the military guy who was kidnapped by the Taliban in Afghanistan. She had some audio of the family talking about their son and thanking the President for what he said about him.
Robin had a story about a college professor who was accused of trying to break into a house. Now some people are saying that this is a racial thing and they were only approaching him because he was black. Howard said that's just not the case.
Howard said he saw a perfect example of this racial stuff. He said that this basketball player fired his white manager and hired 3 guys from his neighborhood to take care of him. They had no experience with doing anything like that. Howard said that he saw an interview with them and they were saying that they think they're stupid because they're black, not because they had no experience. Howard said that's not why people think it's a bad idea, it's because they have no experience.
Howard said the professor who was arrested looked like he was up to something and the cops can't always tell if someone is up to no good or not. Howard said the guy became belligerent when the cops approached him so they had every right to arrest the guy. Robin said that they're dropping the charges now. She had some audio clips from a press conference that was held for the guy.
Robin read a story about Kevin Federline who may have a new reality show coming. Robin said that he's working on the show to include his fiancee and his two sons that he had with Britney Spears. Howard said that guy got fat. Robin said his whole six pack is gone. Howard said he thought they had a reality show that tanked. That one was with Britney Spears though.
Robin said there's a new movie called ''The Ugly Truth'' coming out. She had some audio of Katherine Heigl talking about that movie. She wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:40am.
Jon had Teddy play a clip where Beth was telling Scott about this dog that had been beaten but it was still a docile dog. At that point Scott said that it sounds to him like it doesn't hurt them. Jon said that's the point where Scott probably lost Beth.
Scott said he hits his dog a little bit and it seems to work. He said that's the cheap way out of it and it saves him the time too. Gary said he plays 36 holes of golf a week and he could spend that training the dog. Scott said he doesn't want to spend the time doing that.
Scott said that he will take Beth up on her offer to get someone to help out with the dog. He said he thinks that just doing what he's doing would work but he will try this trainer out. Scott said he would rather go out golfing or watch the Phillies instead of training the dog.
Benjy said it would be funny if Scott saw the trainer outside beating the hell out of it. Scott said that the dog is fine after he swats it and the next minute she's on his lap. Benjy said he doesn't think that he's doing anything that bad but his demonstration of what he does makes it seem worse.
Gary said he would never hit his dog but he knows people who have and he's seen people shove a dog's nose in shit when it shits in the house. He said he would never do something like that.
Scott said the dog still likes to hop on the table and eat their food. He said that he just raises his hand and yells her name and she gets down now. He said she'll still do it but he's able to stop her immediately. He said the ''loving way'' didn't work for him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that a smack on the ass once in a while isn't so bad but Scott saying ''Go'f'' instead of Golf is driving him nuts. Scott said he just said it the exact same way the caller said it so he's not sure what the problem is.
Gary said he liked that Beth came in and Lisa just kind of disappeared when Howard heard she was there. Jon asked Gary if he thinks that Lisa was insulted that they didn't believe her today. Gary said she may have been.
Jason said that he remembers the time that Robin looked at Nicole Bass' vagina when she wanted to prove that she was a woman. He said that she was shocked when she saw that and it really hurt Nicole when Robin came out and talked about that.
Most of the guys in the studio were saying that they didn't believe that she has a C-cup. Jason said he did some investigation and found that she may have saggy breasts and the bra is made for something like that. Benjy said he believes that she has a C and if she's not, she's probably right on the line.
Gary said that you can't even get Lisa to wear a tank top so they'll never see anything. Jason said he looked at her old pictures and she seemed to be more conservative when she was younger.
Jon said that Robin's old bra was brought up today too and they spent a good hour with the potatoes. That led to Gary and Scott talking about the missing potatoes today. Gary said he didn't know that the potatoes were being given away yesterday. He said he may have told them to keep them around if he was asked about it.
Gary asked why Richie wasn't there today. Scott said that some of the guys don't work there all the time. He said that Richie comes in and helps out when they need him.
Jason was wondering why none of the Howard TV guys came in to talk about it when Howard asked where the potatoes were. Scott said they have a skeleton crew there and Doug doesn't come in first thing in the morning. Scott said he didn't know what happened to them so he didn't go in. Gary said he was asking Scott where the bras were this morning and he didn't know where they were. Gary said he doesn't blame Scott for that. He said he's not in charge of that stuff. Scott said they didn't even know where Richie was and his phone must have been off so they couldn't reach him.
Jason asked why they don't have a full crew there first thing in the morning. Scott wasn't sure why that was and he didn't know if any changes were going to be made after what happened this morning.
Jon asked Gary about Howard putting the responsibility to fire someone on Gary. Gary said he had to put it on Doug because he didn't want Richie mad at him and Doug seemed like the right guy to put the blame on.
Doug came in and said that he was the one who gave the guys the authority to take the props home. Doug said that Howard was wrong about it but Gary argued that he really wasn't. Gary said that he thought that they might go back to the bit and he wouldn't have thrown that stuff out or given it away.
Gary said he learned long ago that you always ask Howard before getting rid of something like that. Doug said he's never asked Howard anything like that before.
Doug said he didn't want to deal with the bugs or anything like that being attracted because of garbage. He said that's why he got rid of the stuff before that could cause a problem. He said that he would have had to deal with that if Howard complained about it.
Scott said he knows how the show works and he knows they'll get yelled at for stuff. He said there are a lot of decisions they have to make and they're right a lot of the time and they screw up once in a while.
Jon had Teddy play a clip of Howard talking to Gary about the missing potatoes this morning. He went off on him and told him that this is what frustrates him about the show.
Gary said he had to give a shout out to Artie for making that bit funny and putting that bra on. Gary said that he tried to put it on Jason but he ended up sticking his fingers in his arm pits. Gary said he doesn't blame Jason for that and he wasn't goofing on him, but it was gross.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the dog thing and said that Howard was telling Scott to bark ''No!'' at your dog instead of hitting them. Gary did an impression of what that sounded like. The caller said that Howard is wrong about that too.
Gary said that he's heard that some people will bite their dog on their ear to show that they're the alpha dog. The guys sounded grossed out by that.
Jon asked the guys if they think that Howard is going to end up with another dog. Scott and Doug said that it wasn't them. Someone in the room said that the book Beth will be promoting next year will be ''Oh My Baby.''
Jon asked the guys if they think that Beth is right for keeping secrets about Robin from him. Gary said that's something Howard has to put up with. Scott said that maybe Howard does know but he has to keep it a secret. Benjy said that he wouldn't expect someone to keep a big secret like that from their spouse.
Gary said that Howard once told him something and said he could never tell Mary about it and he never did... but he's afraid of Howard.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that some bras may not fit right on a woman so that's why Lisa may need the C-cup. She said that the cup size may not have anything to do with the size of her breasts and it may be the shape of the bra. She said that it may have to do more with comfort than with the actual size of her boobs.
Gary said he thought that the cup size had to do with the actual size of the breasts. The woman was saying that there's more to it. She said that a 32-C may be her actual bra size even though her boobs don't look that big. The caller said that she thought that she would be a 34-B from what she has seen but it could be a 32-C.
Jason asked why the clasp is in the back on a bra because it's kind of a pain. The caller said that she actually likes it back there and she can take it off with one hand. Gary bragged that he can take one off with one hand too. Jon had to take a break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why Howard was so upset about the grammar that they were using. He said that Howard is really bad with his grammar too. Gary said that Howard was getting on people's spelling too and it was more about that than the grammar.
The caller said it was funny because Howard says ''like'' all the time and that's poor grammar. Gary didn't think that was so bad though. Jon said it is poor grammar.
Gary said his grammar isn't that good but he doesn't understand it well enough. He thought about buying a book that was recommended for him.
Another caller asked the guys to get a TV crew to Howard's house because he wants to see Howard wiping a dog's ass. Gary said that most people don't do that but with that breed you have to or it can cause an infection. The caller said that if his dog needs its ass wiped, he just drags it on the grass.
Another caller pointed out that Gary has a shock collar on his dog. Gary said he doesn't have a shock collar, he has an electric fence and that's not the same thing. He said he might not do that again if he had the chance to do it over again.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she found it funny when Steve was correcting Howard about Janine's name today. He had to prove that he was right. She also thought that Lisa should change her name to Lisa C instead of G.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that there was a strange hesitation during the show today when Robin heard about plastic surgery and seemed to imply that she had surgery. The guys told him that she had surgery to reduce her breasts. The caller said he thinks that Robin had her eyes done. Gary said that he's not sure she could pull that off and he thinks that she's got amazing skin and a youthful face and that's just genetic.
Benjy asked Gary if he was one of the people that Howard told about his nose surgery. Gary said he was one of the people who knew. He was asked not to say anything so he never did.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jim Breuer was great. He said he's going to tune back into Howard 101 to hear more of him. He said they need to have him in more often. The guy was also asking the guys if they think that they could get Lisa G to take her top off. Gary said that if they had the right dollar amount she might do it.
Shuli came in and said that if Howard told Lisa that she had a job with him the rest of his career, she'd probably be buck naked in there.
Gary said he found it odd that Lisa was saying she wished something like the Erin Andrews thing would happen to her but she would never get naked. Gary said that she won't even come in dressed like she would be on the beach.
Shuli said he thinks that she might get more and more desperate as the show draws to a close. He said by the last week of the show she may be doing cartwheels with a sparkler in her ass.
A caller said he doesn't disagree with Scott DePace about the way he's disciplining his dog. He said that everyone has smacked a child's hand to discipline them. Gary said that he has never smacked his son's hands. He said that he was never hit as a child either. He said he finds it humiliating to a kid.
The caller asked the guys if they think Howard would get a crew cut or get Beth pregnant if he had to choose. Gary picked the crew cut. Shuli said he had to sleep on that one because it was a tough one.
Another caller said he has a couple of dogs and when he takes them out he wipes their paws and cleans up where they pee and poop. He doesn't want anything getting on his furniture. The guy said that he wipes them down a lot to clean them up. Gary said this guy treats his dogs so well he's surprised that they don't lick his balls.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he has a theory about Lisa G's C-cups. He said that she may have tits that look like a baker's bag with pointy tips. Gary said Lisa must love them talking so much about her tits for two days.
The caller also said that no one cares how they care for their fuckin dogs. He said he hates dogs so he doesn't care. Jon said they actually had a bunch of calls about dogs.
A caller said that dogs discipline each other and you have to get their attention somehow and smacking them on the butt isn't going to hurt them that bad.
Gary said he heard that Scott's wife is mad at him for saying that she hits the dogs too. Shuli said that he only punches something that punches him. He said he would never hit a dog because it's just an animal and it doesn't know better.
Ralph called in and asked why people think they know what hurts a dog or doesn't hurt a dog. Gary said they don't know if it does or doesn't. Ralph said that if you can't get by it then you shouldn't have a dog. He said that you can train a dog by not hitting it and they will respond to you. He said that they live in fear if you do hit them.
Ralph said Scott has a dog just to have it and he doesn't care about it that much. Jon said that DePace does love the dog but he doesn't see what he's doing. The guys also pointed out that DePace thought Bush was a great president. Ralph said that proves he's dumb. Ralph said that Chris Brown loved Rihanna too but that didn't stop him from hitting her.
Jon took another call from DePace who told Ralph to fuck off about this dog stuff. Ralph said that maybe he could get his girlfriend in line by hitting her too. Scott said that this isn't a person, it's just a dog. Ralph told Scott not to call him after the show either. Scott told Ralph that he should have an animal and prove how he can raise it better. Ralph said he's smart enough to know that he's not responsible enough to own one. Scott said that a dog is a dog and not a person.
Jon said he was mad at both of them for having this argument in the last minute of the show. He had to cut them off and end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how he was ready to perform for everyone. He went right to the phones after that. He said he's been told he hasn't been getting to enough phone calls lately. Robin said it has been a lot of talk without calls this week.
The first caller said his brother ran into Jerry O'Connell who told him that he may not come back on the show because it gets him into too much trouble. Howard said he's sorry to hear that because he likes him on the show. Howard said he didn't remember him saying anything too crazy last time he was on.
Fred said that Jerry was saying that he had some strange thoughts about having to take care of the kids and that may not have been too popular at home. Robin said he must not have said that before and he revealed those sentiments on the show.
Howard said he didn't know that Jerry had to do so much work at home and maybe some of that stuff got him into trouble. He said it might be better if he stays off the show.
The caller also had some Nick Cannon quotes from ''America's Got Talent.'' He said one of them was ''Them dudes is athletic.'' Howard said he doesn't buy it and thinks he's putting that on for the show. He said it can't be humanly possible to muck up the language if you grew up in America. He said he finds it very hard to do that. Howard said he knows he has bad grammar himself but when he thinks he has a reasonable sound to his speech. He said he knows the differences between to, too and two and are and aren't.
Howard said he knows that a lot of kids watch that show and they may think that's the right way to speak. Howard said there are a lot of people there at SIRIUS who have really bad grammar too. He said that Nick Cannon has to be kidding him though.
Howard said that David Hasselhoff is really whacked out of his skull too. Howard said the president was going to do a press conference and NBC wasn't going to put it on because of ''America's Got Talent.'' They ended up moving the show to put Obama on. Then Hasselhoff went on The View and talked about how they had pre-empted the President and bragged about it. Howard said the guy doesn't get that this is the President and maybe that's a little more important than their show. Howard said David was trying to be funny and it just wasn't working.
Howard played some of the audio of David on The View talking about the situation. Hasselhoff thinks that NBC was smart for moving their show to give the President a good lead in.
Howard said that guy is a pisser. Robin said his words were all slurred too and it was early in the morning. Artie said he sounds stupid too. Howard thinks that he's trying to entertain people all the time and it doesn't work.
Howard said that he was thinking that maybe they should let the three judges on America's Got Talent give the President the buzzer like they do on their show.
King said he saw Tracy Morgan on Letterman this week. He said it was a great appearance. Howard said he has to check that out.
King also said that he knows Howard is very potent and he could probably get his wife pregnant pretty easy. King said he must have to wear a condom all the time because she could get pregnant really easy. He asked Howard if he wears one every time. Howard said he does wear one all the time but he has gone in there raw when he was drunk and maybe had sex a bunch of times that week already. He said he does the withdrawal thing but only a few times in 9 years.
Howard said Beth isn't so thrilled with the rubber thing but he really doesn't want to have a baby. Howard said he has a 26 year old daughter that he went out to dinner with and it's a pleasure to talk to her. He said they raised a nice kid and he's so proud of her but he doesn't have a desire to start all over again. He said it's a ton of work to get to that point and he's already there with his kids.
Howard said there are people who never wanted to have kids. He said he doesn't find it weird but there are other people who do think it's weird. Howard said Robin never wanted to have kids. Robin said she never had that desire where she just had to make a baby.
Howard said he spoke to Rob Zombie and his wife Sherri and they have no desire to have kids. He said there are other friends he has who don't want to have kids. He said that his friends Will and Kerri don't want to have kids either.
King said he agrees with what Howard is saying is fine. Howard said he sees how miserable people are with kids and they all want him to have kids too. Howard said it's like they want him to be as miserable as they are. He said he doesn't get a tenth as much as Beth gets every day.
King said that if Howard went home and told Beth he wanted to have a baby then she wouldn't argue it. Howard said that might be true but he doesn't want one.
King said that he's having another baby and he wonders if they can change it into a boy now. Howard said that they can and told him to bring her down there and he'll help work that out. He was kidding of course. Howard asked King if he really thought that they could change the sex of the baby after conception. King said he was just asking.
Howard asked King why he asked that question. Artie thought he was just trying to be funny. Howard asked if he had ever heard of someone changing the sex after conception. King laughed and said no. He said he hopes the kid comes out with good hair like his daughter.
Howard told King to bring his wife to him and he'll get one of these rich white doctors to change the sex for him. King said he's hoping for a boy because he has a couple of girls now.
King brought up this professor who was arrested trying to break into his own house. King was saying he could have told the guy lived there by what he was wearing and what the house looked like.
Robin gave some of the details of the story since Howard didn't know them all. Robin said that the guy was actually in his own house and he could prove it was his own house and they still arrested him. Howard said maybe they arrested him for the paint job on the house. That's what King was saying.
King said that they arrested him for mouthing off to them. The charge was Disorderly Conduct. Gary said that Jason was telling him that the police are saying the guy wouldn't show them ID when they asked for it. Howard said if that's the case then maybe it was right that they arrested him. Robin said that maybe the cops gave him an attitude first. Howard said maybe the guy gave them an attitude first. Robin said the guy is an older guy and he wasn't bothering anyone.
Robin said she could tell just by looking at the guy that he's a professor and he wouldn't be causing any problems. Howard said he couldn't tell by looking at him. He said he saw pictures of him and he wouldn't be able to tell he was a Harvard professor and he's going with the cops on this one.
King said that if you have a light skinned guy coming toward you then you're going to be less scared than a guy with Wesley Snipes dark skin. King said it's the same for him as it is for Howard.
Fred said that Obama made light of the story and said that he might get shot if he had to break into the White House.
King said that he behaves around the cops because he knows that they're going to give him a hard time based on his skin color. Howard said he behaves around the cops too and he's white. He said there's no way he's going to risk getting into trouble.
King said that he won't talk shit to the cops and he'll get away from anyone who does. Howard said that the cops don't want to hear shit from anyone and it's not just black guys. He said that white guys will get that too. He said that's life and using common sense to behave around the cops.
King said that if you're black and you have a white chick in the front seat you have to be really careful. He said that you have to have every piece of ID that you have and you have to act real nice. Howard said that he would dress like Erkel if he was black and driving a white chick around.
King told Howard that David Letterman was asking Tracy Morgan about his new car and he's never heard him ask anyone about that. Howard said that stuff comes up in a pre-interview. He said it's so set up and he's never heard anyone speak like that.
Howard said he had the audio of Tracy on Letterman. King told him to play it because it was great. Howard played some of the audio of Dave and Tracy talking. Tracy was saying he was nominated for an Emmy and he may actually show up this year. Tracy asked what he could get for an Emmy on the streets. He was also telling Dave he thinks he might get into trouble if he does win. Tracy was talking about how he might have to glue his Emmy to his refrigerator to make sure it doesn't disappear. He said he'd have to sell the Emmy along with the refrigerator.
Howard said Dave sounded uncomfortable with Tracy in that clip. King said he was and he has to see it visually because it looks like Dave is scared of him.
Howard played more of the clip and Tracy was talking about the movie he was filming with Bruce Willis. He was going nuts yelling out Bruce's name and telling Dave about how great Bruce is. He told Dave they're doing a movie called ''A Couple of Dicks'' and said that everyone was making it sound sexual but they're just playing a couple of private detectives. Tracy also talked about the new woman in his life who is going to be a doctor and thinks that she wants to be a psychologist. Dave asked him what Bruce's wife's name was and Tracy didn't know. Dave sounded kind of scared of him at the end there.
King was saying that Tracy knows all of the streets there. Howard said that Tracy used to be on the streets there scalping tickets and stuff. He said that he used to hang out with his homies out on the street too so that's why he sounds natural talking the way he does. Howard said he's very genuine about it unlike Nick Cannon.
King said that there was another guy who used to come on the show, Angry Black, who is like Nick Cannon. King said he's the same way when he's talking street. King's wife interrupted him and asked him to go out and get some bread. Howard told him to tell her to get it herself. He did that and she told him to stop being an asshole.
King asked his wife if he can have sex with her feet while she's pregnant. King said he has no desire to have sex with her while she's pregnant at all. He said that turns him off. Artie said that's how you change the kid to a boy. King told his wife that but she didn't buy it. Howard let King go after that.
Howard said that singer Larry Pierce has put out some new songs. He had one of them called ''I'm Married.'' He played that one and Larry sings about how marriage has changed his sex life for the worse. Howard read about some of the other songs he had on the album and they were all about sex, pussy and dick. Howard played another one called ''That Doesn't Hurt Her Pussy.''
Howard also played Larry's ''Cum Dumpster'' song. Howard said that all of these chicks are whores to him in these songs. Howard said that's kind of funny. He said you can't win with guys because they want to fuck you but then you're a whore when you do.
Sal told Howard he has a remake of the Hate Man phone sex call that's longer than the original. He set that up on Howard's computer so he could play that. Sal came back in and told him where it was. Howard asked if they could ever have Hate Man and Tracy double teaming a phone sex chick. Sal said that's a good premise and maybe they'll do that.
Howard played the Hate Man call where they have him cursing out the chick on the phone with racial slurs and talking about blowing his load on her and things like that. They have him calling her the N-word and she just takes it all and plays along with it. Howard said nothing offended that chick in that call. He had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said they have Lisa G coming in with her news preview. He said that a lot of people want to talk about her cup size. Howard said Beth was worried that she insulted her. Howard said Lisa really doesn't care. Lisa said she doesn't.
Howard said Beth told him that there's no way she's a C-cup. Lisa said she got a lot of response too. Howard took a call from a guy who said that Lisa is Lisa B because she's no bigger than a B cup. Another guy said that it makes no difference because no one is sucking them or putting their cock in between Lisa's boobs. He said that they're useless if they're not using them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it's ''Lisa B'' and ''Moulie G.'' He also said he wanted to race Wheels since he's in a scooter himself. The guy said that Lisa G has monster pussy lips too and he knows she goes to a health club and some people saw her. The guy said that she was there back in the 80s and she had monster lips back then. Lisa said she goes fully dressed so she doesn't know what he's talking about.
Lisa said that Stuttering John is joining the writing staff of the new Jay Leno show. He's one of 19 writers there and he won't be the announcer anymore. Robin said she thinks Howard predicted that. Howard said he thinks that Jay didn't have anything in mind for John. He said that anything they wanted him to do just never came to fruition.
Robin said she thinks that John wanted to be his sidekick. Howard said that didn't work and it ended up being a job where John just held up his coffee cup and got his head shaved once in a while. Howard said they were even pre-recording his announce at the start of the show. Howard said they had really cut John back on the Tonight Show when he was on. Howard wondered if his pay has been cut for the writing job. Howard said he'd like to know if John was upset when he was told about the new job.
Artie said that John may never see Jay again if that's what his job is. The guys all did their Jay Leno impressions and goofed on the guy. Howard said that means that John is going to have longer hours too. Lisa said that they could have let him go.
Fred did his Stuttering John impression and told Howard that the coffee mug thing was his invention. Howard said he used to do that two finger salute too. Howard kept Fred in the Stuttering John thing for a couple of minutes. Fred was stuttering up a storm even worse than John ever was.
Howard asked ''John'' if he was going to miss his announcer job. Fred said his first bit was going to be a tribute to coffee mugs. Fred came up with some other wacky bits that John might create. Howard said John had better come up with some funny bits.
Artie said Howard was right about the hours. He said that a writer is there 24/7. He was laughing when he said that and thought about John having to work so long. Fred, as John, said that they had to move his parking space... to San Diego.
Lisa said that Beth Stern has revealed some new details about the 1 month trip that she's going to be taking away from Howard. She's going to be on a prime time show but not as a contestant. She was vague about what the job was. Howard said that Beth is going to be leaving him for a full month. He's not sure he's going to go out and visit. Howard said that she had to sign confidentiality agreements and stuff so she can't talk about it yet. Howard said he's not even sure if she's signed on for it or not. Beth said it was supposed to be signed yesterday. Howard said she didn't even tell him that.
Howard said that he was thinking about earlier retirement now because Beth might get paid really well for that show.
Howard said Jason didn't take any pictures of Beth yesterday and she was looking really good. He's not sure why that is. Robin said Jason got a ton of pictures of Artie in her bra.
Jason came in and said that Howard and Beth were talking yesterday so he didn't want to bother them. Howard said he does that with everyone else. Howard said that Jason must be gay for Artie or something. Jason said he didn't see Beth in the hall after the interview so he didn't get a chance to do it.
Lisa said that Richard Christy is going to be hosting a show on SIRIUS channel 27 (XM 42), Liquid Metal, today. Howard let Lisa go after that.
Howard wondered why Russell would be doing a scene at this time of morning.. Howard said they did that when he shot his movie but only because they didn't have time during the week to shoot.
Howard had Russell on the phone a short time later. Howard asked if this movie he's doing is a sequel to ''Forgetting Sarah Marshall.'' He said it's more of a spin off. He said that the guy who directed the last movie actually wrote this one. Howard said that he's doing a scene at the Today Show in Rockefeller Plaza on Sunday and they need a bunch of people to show up to be the crowd there.
Russell said that he's going to be doing a phony concert there. Robin asked if he can actually sing. Russell said that he'll be miming to a track he pre-recorded but he will do some stand-up for the audience while he's not faking the singing.
Howard asked if Russell is going to try and become a rock star. Russell said that he doesn't have it in him to do that kind of thing.
Howard said that Russell is in some other new movies like the remake of ''Arthur'' and ''Drop Dead Fred.'' He's also got a book deal and he's making good money on that. Howard said he didn't know how popular he was getting.
Howard said that Robin should have fucked Russell while he was there. Russell said it's not too late. He said that on Sunday he can meet her.
Howard asked why Russell turned down Lindsay Lohan recently. Russell said that he didn't turn her down and he wouldn't turn down any woman like that. Howard said he read that they were at one of P. Diddy's ''White'' parties and he turned Lindsay down. He said the party was out in Los Angeles this year and it sounds like Lindsay was trying to pick him up and he turned her down. Russell said he didn't even know that she was there. He said it's all the media making something out of nothing.
Howard said he read that Russell banged Holly Madison. Russell said that it wasn't orgasmic. He said that he didn't have sex with her but he did meet her and it was a very pleasant meeting. He said she was quite lovely. Robin asked if all he did was talk to her. Russell said that's all it was. He jokingly yelled out that he's gay.
Howard said he read that Russell was going to be giving away most of his money to charity. Russell said that's actually true. He said he used to be poor and the money doesn't make him happy. He said that he may just spend his time trying to find enlightenment and making other people feel happy and joyous so having money isn't necessary. He said that might happen ''some day.'' Robin said that was basically like saying he wasn't going to give away his money.
Howard asked Russell why he's on the set so early. Russell said he's at JFK airport waiting to film. He said that this phone call is helping him avoid the tedium.
Howard said that this scene they're shooting on Sunday is taking place at 3pm in Rockefeller Plaza. Howard asked him if he's actually at the airport now and told him that maybe he could get some girls to come into his trailer to bang him. Russell said that he will come on his radio show while performing sex but all there were there were teamsters.
Howard told Russell that Robin is now a G cup and left him with that. Russell sounded shocked. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard played the Bleeding Deacons ''Lisa G Ain't No 32-C'' that he had played yesterday. He asked if he had played Little Mikey's ''Enema.'' They hadn't heard that one so Howard played it. He also had another Little Mikey song that was ''In the Ass Or Vagine'' to the tune of Phil Collins ''In The Air Tonight.''
Howard said he was reading an article about how Pete Fornatel was celebrating his 40th anniversary being on the air with his show but he's on WFUV now. Howard said the guy used to be on K-Rock and WNEW and now he's back to the station he started out on. Howard said that would be like him going back to his college radio station. Howard said the guy is back on his college radio station for crying out loud. He asked what kind of business this is.
Howard said that Pete is doing his Mixed Bag show on a college radio station. He said the guy is a nice guy but this is depressing. Howard said this is a horrible business. Howard said they have a good publicity department at WFUV because he read a lot about them in this David Hinckley's column.
Howard said he was reading about another radio guy he knew who is at Radio Sole. He didn't even know what that was. Howard said that he can't even imagine where that is. He said the guy, Al Angeloro, used to work at some good stations too.
Howard said that their engineer Evan is a surfer and he's ripped. Robin said that Fred's wife almost dropped their kid when she met a surfer they know. Fred said that she can run off with a surfer but not drop his kid. Howard asked how that whole thing is going. Fred said it's going great. Howard said Fred is like the dad of the year.
Gary came in and said that Scott DePace was asking if he was father of the year. Gary said that he golfs twice a week and he can't be father of the year if he's doing that. The guys also pointed out that Scott was the one who handed the phone to Artie, while they were at a strip club, to talk to his kid. Howard said DePace is out for that.
Gary said that he spends a lot of time with his kids too. He coaches them on the weekends and stuff like that. Howard said that Gary is way more of a father of the year than Scott. Scott said that's because Gary's wife makes him do that.
Howard said that Gary slept on a ship with his kids up in Massachusetts. Scott said you have to say no to them sometimes. Scott was saying that a 5 year old sleeping on a ship seems odd to him and that's irresponsible. Scott said that the kid could have hurt himself or something.
Howard told Scott he sounds ridiculous and he's not even in Gary's league. He said that Gary is way better than Scott and he's even better than him.
Howard asked Scott if he ever bathed his kids. Scott said he did a few times but it's a waste of time for him. Howard said that Scott is going to lose to Gary if he goes up against him in a competition.
Howard said that Beth is not a fan of Scott's anymore. Scott said he knows. He said he spoke to the trainer yesterday and he was trying to set up something so he can get some help for his dog.
Gary said Scott was talking about how the training wasn't going to work because they weren't going to put nay work into it. Howard said that they should play the Newlywed Game with kids. He said that he wants to ask Scott questions about his kids to see if he knows as much about his as Gary does about his kids.
Gary said that he knows every teacher his kids had for every grade. Scott tried to name some but only came up with one. Gary rattled off a bunch of names for his kids. Scott didn't understand why it mattered and why he had to know that stuff.
Howard told Scott that he didn't know his kid's teachers either and neither of them are good at that stuff. Howard told Scott that he has to do this stuff to be a good father. Scott said it doesn't matter though.
The guys told Scott about why he's never going to be Father of the Year. Gary said that he does stuff for his kids that he hates to do but he does it for them. Scott said that he hates going to the pool but he does it for the kids once in a while.
Howard said that Fred reads to his daughter every night. Scott said he's done that too. Scott said his kid likes the books about spaghetti falling on your head or something like that. He liked the Grover stuff too. Scott said he plays video games with his kids too. He said he takes them to the golf course and he teaches them how to play football and things like that.
Howard said Gary is father of the year and Scott is not. Howard had a picture of Scott holding his son while he had a cigar in his mouth with the smoke going into his kid's face. Howard laughed when he saw that picture. Scott said his father smoked around him all the time when he was a kid and he's fine. Robin said that doesn't make it right. He said that picture was horrible.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Scott could go kill himself because he's the fucknut of the year. He said the guy is an asshole whenever he comes into the studio.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Scott was talking about a class he had to take to be a coach and it's really just a 3 hour thing that costs 35 bucks and it's not that big of a deal. He said if the guy wants to be into it then he'd just do it. The guys said that Scott doesn't have 3 hours to give to his kids so that's why he's not doing it.
Scott came in and said that they don't keep score in his town either so that's just coddling the kids and he thinks that's pointless. Scott said he was at his kid's games and he was coaching them. Howard said Scott has outside interests but Gary doesn't. Howard said that's why Gary is a great dad.
Gary was also pointing out that Scott had said that having a background check done to become a coach, was a pain in the ass. He asked why he would think that because they're trying to keep the kids safe. Scott said he just didn't want to be bothered. Gary said he learned CPR in that coach class and he's glad he did.
Howard said Gary needs people around because he gets bored easy. He said that makes him a great father because he wants to spend time with the kids.
Another caller asked Scott if he ever even goes out with his kids on the weekends. Scott said he just took them out last night. The caller said that everyone takes the kids out to dinner, that's a normal thing. Scott said he took the kids to the pool last weekend but he hated every minute of that. Howard let Scott go and told him he just did a good job. He just took a beating from the audience.
Howard said Jon Hein took his kids to see ''Bride Wars'' so he's a good dad too. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and did his Top 40 announcer impression and talked all over that Run DMC song. Howard said he was reading about Miley Cyrus being interviewed and saying that her father won't let her fix her teeth or cut her hair because ''it's her.'' Howard said that's a weird relationship.
Howard said he read about a guy who likes to go into sporting good stores and slashes rubber balls. He said that the cops have been looking for him after seeing him on some videotape slashing exercise balls. Howard said the guy's last name was Bjerkness, which he found fitting for the guy.
Howard said he has a Penthouse Pet coming in later to promote the Howard TV Penthouse 40th Anniversary show. Howard said that they had this Heather Vandeven on the special and he thinks that she's great on there. He said that she's really talented and too good to be true. He said that she's the kind of girl you could bring home to mom but then she does all of this wild stuff. Howard said she's like the perfect woman. Robin asked why he didn't want to get her. Howard said Beth is perfect too.
Howard said he would date Heather Vandeven if he hadn't met Beth. Howard said he thinks she's perfect. He played some clips of her and said that he really would go out with her. He said he was that intensely excited about everything about her.
Fred said she looks a little bit like Kelly Ripa. Howard said she does. Howard said that maybe Heather can stand in for Beth when she's away for a month.
Howard said Heather is pretty good at reading for the announcer job she had. He asked the Howard TV guys to play some of that for him so they could hear that. They played some of her announcing and she seemed to be doing a decent job at reading. Howard said she really was pretty good. Robin said that she was okay but she wasn't great.
Howard said he's just talking about her audio presentation and she's not an embarrassment. Howard played some more of her reading and she was doing fine. Howard said she's a good reader. He said he thinks she's great. Robin laughed at him. She said she knows that he's being swayed by the girl's looks.
Howard said that Penthouse special is up on Howard TV now. He told Doug Goodstein that they did a great job on that show.
JD said that he just forwarded an email that someone sent to him. He didn't write it. JD said that the link doesn't put a virus on his computer, it only does if he clicks the link. JD said he thought it was interesting for the show. Howard asked JD why he didn't get the virus. JD said he didn't click on the link. Howard asked JD what's wrong with him and wondered if he's on his side. JD said he is on his side.
Howard and Fred did their impressions of JD and goofed on the way he tells them stuff. Howard said that they need to do a report from JD's apartment. JD said that's never going to happen. Howard asked JD what he has in the house, a table what no chairs? JD said they don't have a dining room. They eat on the couch from a chair. He said he puts his food on a chair and eats. Howard said he could get some of those TV tables. JD said he hasn't gotten to hat yet.
Howard asked JD what he ate for dinner at home last. JD said he eats there most of the time. He said he usually gets something for the microwave. He said they have salmon and Lean Cuisine meals and things like that. He said he has to eat something healthy.
Howard asked JD exactly how he eats in front of his TV. He said he just wanted to know how that works. JD was laughing at every question. Howard asked if his house is decorated at all. JD said there isn't much there. He said he just sleeps and watches TV there so it's not that big of a deal. Howard said he knows someone who was there who told him that he never throws out old newspapers so the place is full of old newspapers.
JD said he has old bills and stuff piled up but not newspapers. Howard said a lot of people told him that. JD said he knew it was Jason and no one from work has ever been inside his apartment.
Howard asked JD not to send him emails like the Robin's video mail. JD said he knows better now. He won't do it again.
Howard brought up the Erin Andrews video that they were talking about yesterday. He said that she checked her ass out quite a bit. Robin said that people do that. Howard said he does once in a while but not as much as she was. Howard said she did it a lot more than you'd think.
Howard said he heard that there were more than just one of these tapes out there. He said he heard that it may have been an inside job and it may have been someone who worked with her. JD said he heard there are six more videos and they came from two different hotel rooms.
Howard said it turns out that the video was out there for like 6 months and no one was saying anything because they said it was an Erin Andrews look alike. Then ESPN put something out which confirmed it was her.
Howard said there's a new movie coming out called ''District 9'' that looks really cool. They spent a short time talking about that. Richie Wilson came in and told Howard about some of the promotion they're doing for it out in L.A. that's kind of cool.
Howard said he was talking to a friend about the song ''Boom Boom Pow'' by the Black Eyed Peas and how terrestrial radio stations are bleeping out the words ''Satellite radio.'' He said that they're trying to block out reality and it's just dumb.
Howard said that Fergie must go out and study black people to be able to rap like she does. Howard played some of the ''Boom Boom Pow'' song and said that it's kind of funny to see the black guys jumping around and then seeing her there.
Howard said Fergie is all foxed up and showing off her big titties while the black guys are jumping up and down. Howard said it's like a King Kong movie and they should have him swoop down and steal Fergie away.
Howard said he dances around in the shower to that song. He said he has Sirius Hits 1 on in his shower and he goes wild. He said it's embarrassing.
Howard said he bets that this Penthouse Pet that's coming in could dance to that song. Artie said they step it up when they have these chicks come in.
Howard said he had the chance to go out with a Penthouse model once but she wasn't really interested in him. She was more into KC than into him.
Howard said that Taylor Vixen is a great name for a chick. He said that he's pretty sure that's not her real name. Taylor came in and Howard said she had some hot pants on. He asked if she's bringing them back. She said that's her thing and she's trying to bring them back. Howard asked if her boobs were natural. She said they were.
Taylor said that she's single but Howard wasn't sure if she was bullshitting him. She said that she hasn't been able to meet anyone. Howard found that hard to believe. Taylor said that guys don't talk to her that much when she goes out. She said she's not that inviting. She said there are a lot of douches out at the clubs.
Howard said he would talk to her. He said he'd be one of those douches. Taylor said she last got laid about a month ago. Howard asked if it was a random situation. She said she has a couple of guys she'll sleep with but they're just guys that she has sex with.
Howard asked Taylor where she grew up. She grew up in Dallas. Howard asked if she was a dirty girl when she was growing up. She said she got into some trouble with boys. She said her parents were moving at one time and they found all of these condom wrappers behind her bed when she was only 15. She was banging guys in her bedroom back then. Taylor said that she wasn't super trampy but she did get some guys.
Howard asked Taylor how big her boobs were. She said they're 36-D and they're real. Howard asked when they started coming in. She said they started around 15 or 16 and she was really horny back then. She said that she was constantly touching herself.
Howard asked if she was like a nympho. She said she wasn't that bad but she was close. Howard read that she had her first threesome at 16. She said that was true. Howard asked her what she says to guys when she's in bed. He asked if she tells guys that her pussy is theirs and stuff like that. She wasn't able to come up with anything that she actually says. She had to think about it. She said she likes to tell guys to fuck her hard and things like that.
Howard asked Taylor if she makes a lot of noise. She said that she does moan but she's not a fake moaner. Howard asked if she smells really good. She said that she does and she bathes a lot. She said that she knows what needs to be done.
Howard asked Taylor if she strips in strip clubs. Taylor misunderstood and thought he was asking if she had a strip down there. She said that she does have a strip. Howard said that some girls get hair on their nips and asked if she gets that. Taylor said she's never seen that.
Howard asked Taylor how she got into the threesome at 16. Taylor said that she and another girl got drunk and she had never been with another girl at the time. Howard asked if her boobs were big too. Taylor said they were B-cups so not as big as hers. Howard told her that Robin is a G-cup. Taylor laughed.
Howard asked if the teachers ever came on to her. She said she went to private school and they didn't. She said she had a crush on one of her teachers.
Howard asked about the threesome again. Taylor said that she and the other girl started making out. She said that they were drinking at her friend's house and got into the kissing thing. Taylor said she started it herself. She said she had seen porn by that time. She used to take her parent's porn all the time and watch it. She said that the guy came in and the friend started giving him head and she started eating out the girl.
Howard asked Taylor how she got into this Penthouse stuff. She said she liked being naked and found out about getting an agent and stuff like that. She said she likes girls so she wanted to get into that too. She said she only does girls on film.
Howard said it sounds like she likes girls more than guys. Taylor said she likes dick. She said she did date a girl for a couple of months though.
Howard asked Taylor about finding her agent and all of that. Taylor said this just happened in March and that led to her getting the Penthouse thing. She said she got signed up with this agent right away and hadn't even gone to L.A. yet.
Taylor said she did a couple of other things on the internet before the Penthouse thing. Howard said he hasn't seen her Penthouse spread yet. He asked if she had to spread the vagine and butthole. She said that it was a little bit of spread and she did show her butthole too. Howard saw some of her pictures and said that her boobs stick straight up. He said she's touching herself in the pictures and she looks like she's getting off.
Howard said they did show her asshole a little bit. He said it wasn't a lot. Howard said that Robin was disgusted by the pictures he was showing.
Howard said you can check out Taylor Vixen in the special 40th anniversary edition of the magazine. He said that you can also check out the clothes she's wearing at TapOut.com
Howard took a call from a guy who asked her if she'd ride the Sybian. Taylor said she has ridden it before but she's not sure she could get off with so many people in there.
The caller asked Taylor if she would take her top off. She said she would do that no problem. She took her top off a few seconds later. Howard said her bra looked like Robin's old bras. Howard said she was beautiful. Artie said she did have some nice tits. Howard said that she had nice nipples and a belly button piercing.
Howard asked Benjy if he liked it. Benjy was smiling at her. Howard asked her if she was interested in Benjy at all. She said that he had nice eyes. That's what all the girls say.
Sal came in and asked if they could see her vagine. She said she would do that too. Howard said she did have a landing strip but he liked it. Howard asked her if she works out. She said she doesn't work out at all but she probably needs to.
Howard said she had no cellulite and if anyone ever says that she has anything wrong with her, they're gay. The caller told Howard to have her dance to ''Boom Boom Pow.'' Howard played the song and danced for her first. She laughed at him. She said he was better than her actually. She said she can dance like Howard. They spent a couple of minutes dancing.
Howard asked Taylor if her parents know about this Penthouse thing. She said they don't know and she hopes they never find out. She said that her father stopped taking to her for a month when they found the condoms in her bedroom. She said she has told her grandmother about it. She said that she is more understanding than her mother would be. She said she's really close to her grandmother because she was sort of raised by her.
Howard told Taylor she has great boobs. Sal came in and told Howard he had a great move for her to do. He said that it was bicycle crunches. He demonstrated them for her but she said there was no way she was going to do that. Taylor asked if he would do it nude. Sal got naked and did them. She didn't know that he would actually do it. Howard told her not to challenge those guys. Taylor said that Sal was kind of a creep from the angle she was seeing him at.
Howard said it was great meeting Taylor. He thanked her for coming in, gave her some plugs and took a couple more calls for her. One guy asked if Taylor could replace Beth for a month. Howard asked her if she would do that. She said it depends on his size. Howard said it won't hurt her. She said that would kind of suck.
Another caller asked Taylor if she likes being spanked. She said that she was spanked. Howard asked who it was that spanked her. She said it was her father who would paddle her with a wooden paddle. She said that she'd hide them and he'd bring home a new one every day.
Taylor said that she would have welts on her after that. She said she does like to be spanked by guys though. Howard asked if she likes anal. She said she's never done that. She said she has had fingers in there.
Howard asked Taylor what her duties are as Penthouse Pet of the Month. She said that doing Howard's show was one of them. She said she'll be on some other radio stations and she will start featuring at some clubs. Howard said she didn't dance too well today. She said she was holding it back. Artie said he hates strippers who dance. She said she's just going to lay on the stage. Artie said he likes that.
Richie Wilson came in with some paddles to paddle her with. Howard told him to give her a couple of whacks. Taylor asked him not to hit her too hard. Richie hit her a couple of times but not hard enough. She told him to give her some good ones and he hit her pretty hard a couple of times. Taylor said she was aroused after that.
Howard told Richie to be her father and ask her about the condoms. He did that and then whacked her one more time. Howard had to wrap up with her after that. He asked her about what she has planned for her career. She said that she wants to stay in porn and get her own web site going in the next year. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and talked about their old program director from WBCN, Oedipus, who gave an interview about the death of WBCN. Howard said that the guy slammed everyone in the interview. Howard read some of the quotes from the interview where Oedipus talked about Joel Hollander from CBS radio and how bad he was at managing. Howard said that guy knows what he's talking about.
Howard said that Oedipus talked about how great Howard Stern was on WBCN and how great that worked out for them when they added him to the station.
Howard said that Oedipus was a kid when he got that job there at WBCN. Howard said the kid was doing a New Wave show there at the time and he got the Program Director job there. Howard said he turned out to be the best Program Director. Robin said he quit too and got out of the business.
Howard asked Mike about some stories that they're not using today but he found interesting. He said he heard that Joe Jackson had found some old Michael Jackson tracks that weren't released. Mike said that the Jackson 5 are going to do their act with tapes of Michael. They're turning him into an oldies act with his voice. Mike thinks that's an awful idea. They spent a short time talking about that and about Michael Jackson's vault where his fans will be visiting.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Sour Shoes did some more of his Flo and Eddie and then went into Allison Steele. Howard said that Robin was friendly with Allison over there. Robin said she was her cat person. Allison had 21 cats according to Robin.
Sour Shoes was doing more of his impressions as Howard and Robin were talking about the cat thing. Robin said she was thinking about getting a third cat and thought it might be too many for her small apartment. Then Allison told her that she had 21 cats in her apartment and she'd bring them all out to the Hamptons every weekend. Robin said Allison even cooked for her cats.
Howard said he used to walk in on Allison when she'd be doing her show at K-Rock. He said she was really into that job. He said she was in her 70s when he knew her. He used to tell her she was hot and she sucked that all right in. Howard said he knew it was a shitty business back then because he used to listen to her on WNEW and she ends up being his lead in at K-Rock.
Howard said he remembers Vin Scelsa doing his show there too. He said he was kind of a dick to him too. Gary said that Vin likes him now but there was a time when he wasn't a fan.
Howard was doing an impression of Allison Steele as Fred played some light music behind him. Sour Shoes was adding some sound effects in the background too. Howard joked about her having to go home and scoop up at least 21 cat turds. Howard brought that up a couple of times as he was doing his impression of her.
Howard said it would have been great if she had become racist in that soft voice of her's. He did an impression of what that might sound like. He made her saying that she wasn't a fan of black people and couldn't believe we elected one.
Howard talked about Allison Steele being hot when she was young and how she supposedly banged Frank Sinatra. Howard did more of his impression of her and kept that going for a few more minutes. Howard said she ended every show with ''Flying'' by the Beatles. Sour Shoes went right into that song as soon as Howard mentioned it. He did it with Baba Booey lyrics though.
Sour Shoes did his baby voice and then did his Scott Ferrall voice for him as he was getting off the line. I think he may have done a Mariann from Brooklyn impression too. Sour did a JD impression as well. He mumbled his way through that and did a great impression of him as well. Howard interviewed him as JD. Then he did an Artie impression that was cracking Artie up. He had that impression down pretty good. Artie said it was the best impression of him that he had ever heard.
Steve said that they have a story about the Michael Jackson story that Dan Klores told and how Don Buchwald is saying that Dan wasn't even there. Howard said he's glad he brought that up because he didn't remember him being in there. Howard said Don called him and said that Dan had nothing to do with that meeting and he wasn't even there. Howard said he was believing Dan's story. Howard wondered how Dan thought he was even in there.
Howard said that Don told him that the things Dan was saying were just not true. Howard said they have to get Dan on the phone and ask him what he was thinking.
Steve said that Dan wasn't available for comment. Steve said that his story was wrong too because the hotel he mentioned wasn't where it happened. Steve said that Don told them that Dan is a great guy but he must have been at some other meeting.
Steve said that they have more about the Ivy Supersonic story and how the Federal courts had set up a ban on cell phones that day. Now they're having a hearing over that ban.
Steve said they have more about Gary's kidney stone and his follow up visit to the doctor. They suggest that he needs more citric acid in his diet. Gary said he was surprised by what he heard. Gary said that he was told to have lemonade and Gatorade.
Howard saw Sam Benrubi in the office so he said hi to him. Howard spent a minute talking to him over Gary's microphone. Howard said that guy has been with him since his WNBC days. He said that's the only guy who knows what's going on. Howard said Sam was with him all these years. Sam said that he's been with him in every major episode. Sam said he did leave Howard alone for about a year when he was at NBC. Howard said he was really happy he was at K-Rock when he moved there.
Sam collects snow globes so Robin asked him about that. He said he has a ton of them. Howard told him that he should bring some in to show them. Sam said he has everything you can imagine. He said he even has one with a Pope in it with his arms up.
Howard said that Sam still has that moustache he's had all these years. Howard saw he had some women with him too. They were some promotions girls.
Howard said that Sam named his son Ben Benrubi. Howard said that's just not right. Sam said he's gotten a lot of crap about that. He said his son went in for his first day of school and when he was asked what his name was, he said ''Ben Rubi.'' He said he spent the next month teaching him what his real name was.
Steve said that Gary is going to be on the CW 11 news tomorrow morning but not as Techno Beaver. Howard played some Sour Shoes ''Steve Langford's Big Cock... We Salute You'' and then had Jon Hein come in.
Jon Hein ran down his list of Wrap Up Show subjects for today's show. They talked about Taylor Vixen a little bit during that. They also talked about how great a dad Gary is. Howard said that Gary just needs people around him and he's very much into people and events so that's what helps make him a great father. Howard said he's really going to suffer when those kids move out. He said he's going to have empty next syndrome really bad.
Mutt from Superfan Roundtable called in with a preview of tonight's show. Mutt said that they're going to talk about Robin's Miami paparazzi attack. They're also going to talk about Robin's bra test and Howard threatening to fire people over the potato incident.
Howard asked Robin if Stacie Lange is a permanent member of GNO (Girls Night Out). Robin said that she's not even sure who is in there because GNO is kind of in hiatus. Robin said that Stacie was in a bikini down there. Howard said ''Oy vey.'' Artie said ''Lets calm down...'' Howard said he was checking her out at Caroline's and didn't know it was her at the time. Howard said he was even checking out Artie's mom because he didn't know who it was.
Howard said he thinks that Stacie should be in GNO because she was out there protecting her from the paparazzi. Artie said he was surprised that Jason was in it and Stacie wasn't.
Mutt got in a couple more subjects for tonight's show and Howard let him go. Superfan Roundtable airs Thursday nights at 7pm on Howard 101.
Howard ended up talking about how awful he was dancing today. He thought he was okay dancing until he saw the video. He said he looks like a gay epileptic in that video.
Robin read a story about a study that was done that found married people who had been divorced or widowed have worse health than others.
Robin read about a woman who was attacked by a shark in St. Petersburg, Florida. They think that it may have been a bull shark that attacked. Robin said that they were in the water down in Miami and they were told there were bait fish in the water with them. One guy told them that they should be okay as long as they're not on their periods or wearing something shiny.
Howard did his impression of Robin as the leader of her GNO group. She was leading the meeting about the paparazzi attack and then Fred threw in Lisa G's ''Yay!'' that they play once in a while.
Robin read a story about a guy who found a condom in his French onion soup at a restaurant. The guy thought he was chewing on a piece of cheese. The guy spit it out and found that it had a knot tied in it. The guy went and vomited in the bathroom. He took it to be tested and they found female DNA on it. He asked for some testing to be done on the female employees there to find out if it was one of them.
Robin read a story about a group filing a complaint about hot dogs and how they fail to warn people about what they can do to a person. Howard said you have to hate yourself to eat hot dogs. you have to know that they're not good for you. Howard said he used to like them but you have to think about what's in those things. Howard said his dad loves hot dogs and he goes out to Nathan's once a year and has 3 of them with sour kraut on them.
Robin read a story about a guy who was fired as a town manager because his wife was a porn star. Robin said they thought it would affect his job. Howard said it's not illegal so he doesn't know why they would fire the guy.
Robin brought up the Erin Andrews story and said that ESPN is looking for the guy who recorded the videos. They think that it had to be someone who knew her schedule and may have worked with her.
Robin read a story about an Anne Frank structure that was burned down in Germany. They're looking into it as a possible arson case.
Robin read about a drug bust that was made on the offices of the doctor who was with Michael Jackson when he died. They were there seizing items that may implicate him in Jackson's death.
Robin read some news about how Michael Jackson's death certificate has been viewed illegally by some staff members. Robin said she doesn't understand that at all because they can get fired for doing that. Robin said that they have taken steps to fixing the problems they have with people breaking and doing that.
Robin said that Walter Cronkite's funeral is today. She had some stats on how popular he was compared to Katie Couric.
Howard said he read that President Obama has a gay lover in the White House who is being paid $100,000 a year to work for him. Howard said you'd think you'd need some facts about that before you print a story like that. He said that they claim that it's ridiculous and untrue. The story was in The Globe. Howard said they're calling this guy Reggie Love gay too and there must be laws about that.
Robin read some news about President Obama's press conference that was on last night. She went through some of the stuff he was talking about and played some audio clips of him.
Robin read a story about a math teacher who is out on bail after police caught him with his pants down with a teenage girl. He met her online and met her in a school parking lot. Robin said that there may be other people who have been victims of this guy who found people through Myspace. The teacher was claiming to be 17 years old.
Robin said that the Naked Cowboy is going to be running for Mayor of New York. Howard said that guy scares the shit out of him. Robin said that he is a weird dude. Howard said he seems very angry. Robin said she's not sure what he's doing when he's not standing out on a corner in his underwear. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show a short time later, right around 10:35am.
Scott was in and said that Gary didn't prove anything by saying that. Gary said he didn't say if Scott was good or bad. He said if he hadn't said anything then they wouldn't have even had that discussion.
Jon played a clip of Robin talking about how good Fred was as a father because he reads to his daughter every night and spends a lot of time with her. That's when Gary came in and told Howard about Scott.
After that clip Scott said that none of that stuff bothers him. He said he doesn't worship them to the point where he cares what they think about him as a father. Gary said Scott doesn't care about what anyone thinks. He said Scott isn't open to having his mind changed about anything.
Gary said maybe Scott's kids would love him more if he spent more time with them. Scott said that his kids love him as much as possible already. He said he plays with them plenty. He said he plays video games with them and sports so he's spending plenty of time with them.
Gary said that it does help to spend time talking to the kids doing things like giving them a bath and things like that. Gary said that he doesn't do everything that the kids want to do.
Gary said that Scott sent him a link to SternFanNetwork where they were comparing him to the English teacher in Beavis and Butt-Head and things like that.
A caller told Scott that he's so hard headed and claims to be intelligent. He said that an intelligent person would be open to changes and stuff but Scott isn't. He said that he won't take things any other way than the way he thinks.
Gary asked Scott if he's as narrow minded as they think. Scott said that he doesn't listen to anyone's opinions there. Gary said he doesn't listen to anyone's opinions. Scott said he will listen to some people but not to the guys there. Scott said he feels like they're from a different planet. He said the things they say there are so ridiculous that he can't take them seriously.
Gary said Scott asked him about his trip to Italy. He told him how great it was but Scott doesn't care about actually going there, he'd rather go to Epcot Center and get a taste of Italy there.
Scott said he hates going to the beach and he thinks it's a waste of money. He said he grew up in wildwood, New Jersey and he thinks the beach there is just fine but his wife wants to go to North Carolina. He said he just doesn't get why they have to go that far to go to the beach.
Scott said that the only person he would take seriously about anything is maybe Jon Hein. Gary asked why he won't take him seriously. Scott said that Gary is no expert. Gary said no one is an expert.
Benjy asked Gary if he would take Scott's advice on anything. Gary said that he tried taking some of Scott's advice to try golf. He said he didn't like it. He said he has hobbies that Scott thinks is boring and he thinks that Scott's hobbies are boring. Gary said he likes to read and walk and Scott finds that boring.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Scott if he thinks being a good parent is just being there with his kids and not being there ''for'' his kids. Scott said that's not what he believes. The caller asked if he helps them with their homework and things like that. Scott said he does all of that.
Gary asked Scott how many diapers he changed himself. Scott said it was maybe 40 or 50. Gary said that's part of the process of being there. Scott said his wife enjoys doing that and that's her thing. Jon asked if he really thinks that she likes it. Scott said he doesn't know.
Jon took some more calls and let some people go off on Scott. There were some guys who said that Scott doesn't listen to anyone and his opinion is fact. The guy said that's really annoying. Scott said that he's just giving everyone the same stuff they're giving him.
One caller said he just watched the Wack Pack at the Christy Farm and he saw Richard piss in a river and then jump right into it. He said that was fucked up.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he was going to defend Scott. He was on his Bluetooth device so they had to ask him to get on the regular phone. Scott said he could hear him just fine. The guy said that they were attacking Scott for being a bad father and that wasn't fair. Gary said he never said he was a bad dad. He said he thinks that Scott is fine as a dad. Gary thinks that he's a better dad than Scott is but Scott is fine.
Jon asked Scott if he would blow off a golf game to go to an event that his kid is involved with if he asked. Scott said he absolutely would but he doesn't think the kid would ask him to do that.
Gary said his son asked him to come in to school one morning and he had to tell the kid he just wasn't able to do it. He said that his son was bummed out but he really couldn't call out sick that day.
Scott was saying that he thinks that it's the mothers who end up going to a lot of the kid's school stuff. Scott said he goes to the sports events and stuff. Gary said that's all about Scott and he knows that he wouldn't go to a ballet recital if his son got into ballet.
Benjy was on Scott's side in all of this and Gary told him that he doesn't have kids so he doesn't know what it's like. Gary said that he would go to a ballet recital if his kid was in it. Scott said that would be too boring for him.
Scott said his dad didn't come to all of his games. He said he came to a few but that doesn't make him a bad dad. Gary asked Scott if he would rather go golfing than go to his kid's game. Scott said he isn't ashamed to have time for himself. He said he would probably go to the game but he might go play golf sometimes too.
Gary said that he misses plenty of his kid's stuff. He said he's not smothering them or anything. Scott said he's doing just fine as a father.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's a middle America kind of guy and he kind of likes that Scott is sticking to his guns. He said he's outnumbered there and they're trying to change his opinion and that's not right. He said that Beth's complaints about him swatting his dog is crazy. He said that her whole attitude changed when he talked about that. The guy thinks that it's because they're in New York.
Gary said he's not trying to change Scott's opinions. Gary said that if he is trying to do that it's not because of where he's from. The guy said that it does have to do with where they're from. Gary also pointed out that Scott grew up in Delaware so he's not that far from New York and he is in the Northeast just like they are.
Scott said that he's okay with them giving him a hard time but he doesn't think that he's wrong about any of this stuff. Gary said Scott is like Ralph in that way. He doesn't care about what anyone says or thinks.
Scott asked Gary when his opinion has ever changed because of what other people have said to him. Gary said it's happened a lot. Scott said he doesn't believe that. He and Gary went back and forth on that for a while.
Scott said that the guys there are just 4 or 5 guys and not the life around him. He said he has a life in New Jersey and they aren't his life there at the show.
Jon took some more calls and had more people asking Scott about who can change his mind about anything. Scott said it's no one there. He said that he probably values what Rush Limbaugh has to say over what Howard has to say. He said he doesn't do things that Howard tells him to do.
Another caller said that maybe Howard should take the show out to L.A. for a week when Beth is out there. Jon said that Howard was saying that he didn't even want to go out to visit. Gary said he thinks he will. Jon asked if they could do a week of shows out there. Gary said anything is possible. He said that SIRIUS did want them to travel but Howard didn't want to do it. He said Howard loses a lot of control of the show when they do that stuff. Gary said it's hard to get guests out there just like it is in New York so things aren't going to be that different in that way.
The caller said that they do have a lot of fun when they do the show from other places. Benjy said it would be fun but they have a lot of people to get out there. Gary said they do have a lot. They have the radio show crew and the TV show crew too.
The guys talked about how Howard doesn't want Beth to leave him for a month but he will let her. He said that it might be interpreted as a pussy whipped move if Howard took his whole show out to L.A. when she's out there. Gary said that would be great for goofing on Howard about.
Gary said that if Beth does this show and the show gets really popular, what's going to happen? He said that maybe she'd have to quit the show or she'd be away from Howard for long periods of time. Jon said that she could also be on the ''Tom Bergeron commute'' where he goes across the country to work.
Another caller said that they should just leave Scott be and stop picking on him. He was also saying that Gary was sounding kind of wussified talking about his kids. He said that letting his wife tell him what to do makes him a wuss too. Gary said just because Scott says it doesn't make it true.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he listens to the show all the time and he gets pissed at Gary about the way he thinks he knows everything. He said that it's moronic to him and he thinks that's what other people think about him. Gary said that maybe there are people out there who do agree with him. The caller said that some people are sitting back and biting their tongues and not saying anything. The guy said that Gary sucks ass and dick. Gary said he's never sucked dick but maybe a little ass. Gary asked him why he's listening to the show right now. The guy wasn't listening to a word he was saying so they let him go a short time later.
A caller said that Gary is the bright spot on the show and he thinks he's an excellent Dad. Scott asked him how he knows he's a good dad. The caller said the way he talks about his kids makes it sound like he's a good dad. Scott said he loves his kids too. The caller said that you can be a shitty dad and still love your kids. Scott and Gary got back into their vortex after that call. They were arguing about what makes a good father. They ended up going back and forth arguing for a couple more minutes.
Another caller said that Gary and Scott are both closed minded and they don't hear what the other person is saying. Gary said he's listening to Scott. He said he believes that he's the best dad in the world. Scott said he never said that.
Jon asked Gary what he's going to do when his kids grow up and leave the house. Gary said that it's going to be tough. He said that the kids are starting to do their own things and he should be fine. He said he'll take naps in Vegas. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon said that Taylor was willing to do a lot of things but then she wouldn't do others. Gary said Will thought she would ride the Sybian. Will said that's the impression she gave him in the phone interview. Benjy said that she can't get off in front of so many guys. Will said she could have sat on it and pretended like 90 percent of the other girls do.
Gary said he usually walks people in and adjusts their microphone. Gary said that she didn't understand that she could sit down when he pointed to the couch. He said she stood up the whole time. Will said that someone needed to push her down.
Jon played a little bit of the clip where Howard was dancing with Taylor to ''Boom Boom Pow'' and then saw himself on the monitor. Howard was shocked at how awful he looked dancing.
Gary said she wasn't really playing along today and he wasn't sure why. Jon asked Will where he rates Howard as a dancer. Will said he's fine. He said he's no JD but he's okay.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked the guys what they thought about her looks. Gary said she was a solid 8 in his opinion. Benjy gave her a ''10 stone'' rating. Will said he gave her an 8 or maybe a 9 since her boobs were so great. Jon said he was with Gary on the 8. The caller was the guy who asked her to ride the Sybian today.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why Benjy is there every day. He asked if he's just hanging out or is he contributing. Gary said he does contribute. Jon said he loves Benjy on the show and he adds a lot. He said he thinks he's really funny.
The caller said that with Scott DePace one caller made a point about him going to games and stuff but you should do it for them and not just because you like or dislike it. The guy said you have to think about the kids and no about yourself so much. The guys spent even more time talking about Scott as a dad after that call.
Benjy said he has a great dad and a great relationship with his parents. He said that his dad didn't spend all of his time with him and that was fine. He said it wasn't a big deal for him. Gary said he's not living his life for his kids either though. He said that Scott is blowing off games because he has other things he wants to do. Gary said his father didn't come to his games but that's because he was busy working. Gary said when he saw his dad there it was a big deal to him. He said it really meant something to him.
Jon got back to Taylor and asked if she made a mistake challenging Sal to do his crunches naked. Gary said that he did strip down pretty quick. Will said they both had great breasts.
Jon asked about Richie spanking Taylor too. Will said that Richie likes to beat women so he was having fun doing that. Will said that Richie might like to choke a bitch once in a while too.
Jon took some more calls and one guy brought up the surfing thing that Howard was talking about and how Robin knew a surfer guy. He wondered if that was the guy she was going to see in Miami. Gary said he didn't think it was but anything is possible.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that Howard is going to be a surfer. Gary said that came out of left field and he had no idea he had ever thought about that.
Will said he tried surfing and it's really hard. He said if Howard surfs like he dances, he's going to have a tough time.
Jon brought up the discussions Howard had about Heather Vandeven and what Howard was saying about her reading for the Howard TV special. That led to Doug Goodstein coming in and talking about how you can get the Penthouse special on On Demand without having Howard TV.
Doug said they have old clips from the show where they had Penthouse Pets on. He said they go back to 1994 with those shows. Doug mentioned some of the great shows they did with the Penthouse girls over the years. He said they have like 30 different segments featured in the show. He said it runs an hour and 15 minutes. Gary said he's going to watch that with his kids. Doug told him that wouldn't be a good idea.
Gary said that he thinks that John's job didn't work out the way he expected but he's doing just fine. He saw him out in Las Vegas doing shows with his name up on the marquee.
Doug said that he thinks that John is going to miss the old gig. He said he spoke to him and he's happy he has a job. He said that John will be warming up the audience too so that's another paying job for him.
Gary said he was watching a movie and heard John's voice as the announcer on the Tonight Show in it. He thought that was kind of cool.
A caller said that Sour Shoes was really on with what Howard was doing today. He mentioned how quickly Sour Shoes came up with the Beatles song ''Flying'' when Howard mentioned it today. The guys said that Sour is really a big talent.
The caller was also saying that the Jay Thomas show that runs on Howard 101 is a great show and they don't give it enough promotion. Gary said that they all love Jay and his show. Gary said they'll try to promote it more.
Jon said that Sour Shoes doesn't have a computer but he has an amazing retention for songs. Gary said he just plays an old Casio keyboard.
Another caller said that she thinks that Beth is leaving Howard to do a job on the West Coast and she could be staying on the East Coast doing jobs like that. Gary said that there really aren't that many jobs on the East coast like that. He said that she probably wouldn't get that kind of job if she didn't go out there. They had to end the show a short time later.
This week's Best of the Week was over around 10:55am.