|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about his big weekend. He said he was busy with friends over for dinner. He said he wasn't giving names though. Howard said he was talking to this friend of his and told her that she'd be great on the Bachelorette. Howard said he was pretty high from drinking wine that night. He said he hits the wine on the weekends. Howard said he won't miss work because of that though. He only drinks when he has a day off. That means Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. Artie added that it's also 14 weeks a year.
Howard said drinking and cigarettes never become less. He said it always turns to more. Artie said he'll end up on Meth eventually.
Howard said he was talking to this woman, who is actually well known, and told her she'd be great on The Bachelorette. She told him that she'd love to be on the show. Howard told her that he knows the guy in charge of that show and he can help. Howard said she wasn't sure she wanted to do it though. Howard said she sent him a provocative picture of herself to send to the guy, Robert Mills. Howard said it would be great for him to find the next Bachelorette. He said that would be great for him.
Howard said the second she left he got on his computer and contacted Robert Mills. He said Robert got right back to him and asked about this woman. He said Robert was actually interested. Howard said that she's actually going to be flying out to L.A. this weekend to interview with Mills.
Howard said that was great for him. He said she was bowled over by his powers. He said she was shocked that he had the power to get this meeting with this guy. Howard said he told her when he wants to do something, he gets it done. He's a can-do kind of guy. Howard said she doesn't quite fit the profile they're looking for on that show.
Howard said that this woman has two kids but that's not what they're looking for on that show. Howard said they've never had a woman with kids on that show. He said maybe they'll change that though.
Artie said that any reality show producer should take his advice. Howard said that they know what they want on those reality shows, they have a formula, so they may not. Howard said that she might not be the right person for the show but who knows. He said that she's on TV and she has generated interest before. Howard said the woman is a dirty blonde but he wasn't saying who it was.
Artie thought that Howard was going to blow Fred if he got to like 1800 or something. Howard said that was more like 2000.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that there was something in the paper about Ricky Martin wanting to be with a man or a woman. Robin said they ran with a quote from him that wasn't said quite the way they quoted him. That led to Howard and Artie calling each other gay. Howard said that Artie is the gayest in the studio because he had a load on his chest. Artie said Howard was the gayest because he picked the next Bachelorette.
Howard said that Scott DePace kissed a dude one time. Scott said he didn't kiss her, he just had her on his lap. She was a transvestite.
Another caller asked Howard about having Gay Rich on his lap at his bachelor party. Howard said that they did think that Fred was gay that night. He was drunk and had their gay intern Rich sitting on his lap. Howard said he saw that himself and he thought Fred had come out that night. Howard said they were very chummy. Howard said he thought that Fred had ruined Alison's life that night when he came out of the closet.
Howard said Fred was so inebriated that he didn't know what was going on. Fred said that Neil was the one who stuck Rich on his lap.
Artie said the show that recapped that bachelor party was remarkable. He said that might be in his top 10 shows of all time.
The caller said that he has to watch The Bachelorette with his wife. He said he's forced to watch that show. Howard and the guys said that he likes it if he sticks through it. The caller said that this chick that's on the show now is looking much better than when she was on The Bachelor. Howard said that she does have some good angles where she looks really good. He said her laugh is really annoying too. He said he loves the show though.
Howard let that caller go and said that he's a sucker for the girly stuff. He said he and some friends watched ''Starman'' together over the weekend. He said he showed that to his daughter, Beth and some other people. Howard said he doesn't think that his daughter liked it. He said it was kind of romantic though. Howard said he cries when he sees him fix the deer in the movie. Howard said he just tears up and doesn't actually cry. He just wells up and stops before it turns to a cry.
Howard read that the Sandra Bullock movie made $34 million. The Hangover made $26.9. He read through some other ones that had made in the 20s. Howard said it shows that movies are doing very well in this crappy economy. Howard said they say that movies do very well in hard times like this.
Howard said this guy Little Mikey is there. He writes song parodies about Robin. Artie said the guy asked if he could come up when he was at his book signing the other day.
Howard said Gary brought six 14 year olds to see ''The Hangover'' and he asked him if it was too dirty for them. Gary said that Heather Graham takes out her tit for one second and that was about it. He said it was rated R because of the language mostly.
Gary said he told the kids they had to tell their parents they were going to an R rated movie. Gary said he knows all of the parents though so it was okay. He said you can't be the guy who gets into trouble for taking a 14 year old to an R rated movie.
Howard said this was Jackson and his friends who went to see that movie. Gary said Lucas went to see ''Land of the Lost.'' Howard said he heard it was horrible. Robin said it didn't make any money.
Howard said that the app is really great though. Howard said SIRIUS is great even without them. He said he really does think that.
Howard said that he hopes that one day they will be on there. Artie said that he loves the service and he can listen to the same station for 8 hours driving around.
Bobo called in and brought up Denise Richards. He said she looked amazing on Howard TV. Howard said he got a whole different vibe from her when she was in there that day. Howard said he never thought that much about her recently until she came in. He said he loved her in ''Starship Troopers'' but hadn't thought about her. He said she was super fuckin' sexy when she came in there though.
Bobo asked Howard if he's ever tried anal with Beth. Howard said that they're married so they try many things. He said that being successful may be another story but that's private. He said that he'll just say that it's not her thing.
Howard said he was with a chick one time who reached around and took his penis out of her and slid it into her ass. Howard said that was hot and she was very good at it. Howard said it was hot at the time but it didn't quite feel right to him.
Howard said sometimes you can feel something poking back at you and it can kill the moment. Howard said that's not his thing. He said he's pretty conservative when it comes to sex. He said he did do some kinky things when he was single. He said he has tied women up and done stuff like that.
Robin said that Howard and Beth don't even have sex in any other room other than the bedroom. Howard said your partner has to be up for that kind of thing. Robin said it could be suggested. Howard said that's what he told Beth this weekend. He said he'd like to do it in other rooms but Beth said they have people there all the time and they like doing it in the bedroom so why not stay there?
Howard asked Robin to talk to Beth about that for him. That led into him playing the clip of the woman barking while having anal sex.
Howard said he didn't even get a card. He said he gets phone calls from the kids though. He said they hang out too.
Artie said that's kind of odd. He said that his daughter Emily is one of the sweetest kids he's ever met. Artie said he even leaves a card for his father on his grave. Howard said his kids have never really been into doing that. Howard said the kids do call though.
Howard said he gives stuff to his father. Beth also gives gifts to her dad. She gave her father ''Too Fat To Fish'' for Father's day. Artie said he autographed it for Beth.
Howard said that his kids are doing a verbal card and that's how he should look at it. Artie said he writes in his card ''Dad, I'm on the Howard Stern Show'' and signs his name. Artie said there are like 80 guys who have that card now and have probably burned it.
Howard asked Mikey about his songs and if he has sent in others. He said he sent in a Baba Booey song that made it into the top 30. He said he also did a Baba Booey name game. Howard said he had that one so he played that. The guys seemed to like that. Howard said it was a lot of fun.
Howard said he had two new ones about Robin. That's mostly what Mikey spends his time writing. Mikey said he writes maybe 7 a week and he gets a bunch of them on. Howard said he's doing very well getting them on.
Howard played his latest ''Flash Your Tits'' to the tune of Devo's ''Whip It.'' The guys liked that one too.
Howard asked Mikey about his song writing and found out he plays them for his girlfriend but she doesn't like them. He said his mother enjoys them and she helps him out with them sometimes. Howard said he likes to look at Robin when he plays them. He said sometimes she ignores him when he plays them at the start of the news.
Howard played ''I Wanna Suck On Your Boobs'' so Mikey could look at Robin while it was playing. Howard said he loves doing that. When he played it Mikey felt so bad he didn't want to look at her.
Artie said that Mikey needs a job. Howard asked him if he has a job. Mikey said he's on unemployment right now. He sued to work in a kitchen and at a radio station too. He said he worked with Greg St. James. Howard said he knows Greg. Mikey said that he used to yell at him and he had a really deep voice. Howard talked about Greg and did an impression of the guy because he had a really deep voice.
Mikey said that he tried to get a job there as a promotions guy but they laughed at him. Howard said that's because he's no Ross Zapin.
Howard played some more of Mikey's songs that they've played before. Howard said Mikey sings the songs himself and he must have a home studio. Mikey said he has a little four track thing that he uses. Howard asked how many takes it takes him to do. Mikey said it's a few takes.
They played his ''Robin Jerk Me Off'' and ''I Want Robin's Vagina'' and more. Mikey asked him to play ''Cum Shot'' because they had some of the words wrong. Fred played that one and Mikey said that there was some confusion about the lyrics. He said it was ''I'm the pilot of a white hot jizz flight.'' He cleared that up.
Howard asked Robin if she likes any of these songs. Robin said ''No!'' She said that maybe some of the pretty ones. Fred played another one of his songs where he sang to the tune of Toto's ''Africa.'' Howard said he's got a good voice too.
Howard said maybe Mikey will become a big star like Lady Ga Ga or something. Artie asked to hear a song that Mikey played guitar on. He uses Karaoke tracks for many of the songs but he has played guitar on some. He sang to the tune of ''True colors'' on one song and played guitar on that. Mikey has a CD out too and he has novelty songs like this on that.
Howard said that sometimes these novelty songs can become big hits. He said that there's one out by Lily Allen that's kind of a goofy song and it's becoming a big hit according to Perez Hilton. Howard played that song which was ''Fuck You (Very Much).''
Howard said he likes Mikey's songs and he really should look at Robin while they play them. Howard said he loves to do that himself. He played ''Droppin Loads On Robin'' and told Mikey to look at her. Howard thanked Mikey for coming in and asked Gary if he had a prize for him. He told Mikey not to get his hopes up though.
Robin said she always wanted someone to write a song about her but now she has millions writing songs about her and it's not exactly what she expected. Howard told her that she has to be careful what she wishes for.
Howard gave Mikey a $500 prize courtesy of the Man Groomer. Mikey said he actually needs the Man Groomer too. Howard said he'll give him one of those too.
Howard asked Mikey what his favorite song was. It was to the tune of a James Taylor song and it was ''In My Mind My Cock's In Robin's Vagina.'' Fred found that song and played it as they were saying goodbye to him. Howard told Mikey to look at Robin while they played it. Howard said that song gave him chills. He said that thinking of Robin in that way is very beautiful.
Howard said he loves that unemployment since it's getting them 7 song parodies a day. Mikey got in some plugs for his Myspace pages which are Myspace.com/LilMikeyRoohan and Myspace.com/LilMikeySP. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he hates televangelists and Pat Robertson really makes him insane. He said he's been out ranting about homosexuals. Howard played some audio of him doing that. Howard said that Pat reads the news and comments on what he reads. He said the guy is just an evil fuck.
In the clip Pat talks about the news that was read about President Obama making June Gay, transgender, bi-sexual month. Pat said it's a tiny fraction of the population and the whole thing ends up in the garbage heap of history anyway. He said that it's the reason civilization is crumbling.
Howard said it's absurd to say that it's the reason civilization is crumbling. Howard said it shows that we can celebrate them and try to help others understand that what they're doing isn't so bad and this Pat Robertson is such a scumbag that he can't just let it be. Howard said that anyone who donates to this animal has to be mentally malnourished. Howard said this guy has led a great lifestyle taking money from these people and he's really just a nobody and a scumbag who is making money on people's fears.
Howard said he had a clip of Evander Holyfield talking about donating to the church. Howard said he talks about ''tithes'' to the church and he gives 10 percent of his income to the church. In the clip they were saying that Evander was feeling low and this preacher, Creflo Dollar, tells him that they can find an answer for him and that answer was for him to give 10 percent of his income to the church.
In the clip Evander says that the bible says that you are to give 10 percent so that's what he does. He gave $3.5 million at one point. The preacher says that he feels the same about that money as he does taking $5 from another man.
Evander also said that he would pay that tithe before he'd pay his mortgage if he was in trouble with money. Howard said if he hadn't gotten into radio he could have been a religious leader because ''...it's the greatest sca... I mean job, in the world.'' Howard said he would give his money back to Evander so he could make that house payment if he were the preacher.
Howard said that's actually what's going on. Evander can't make his house payment but he's still giving his money to the church.
Howard played some audio from The View where the girls were talking about Artie's appearance. In that clip Whoopi brought up Artie's appearance. They played a clip and it was all bleeped. Some of the women on the show got it and said that they should have known what they were getting when they had Artie on the show. Whoopi said that she's not sure why Artie was over the line on HBO when they do anything on that channel. They have sex on that channel and Artie talking upset them over there at HBO.
Howard played more of the audio where the women were saying that people are trying to be like their show and just being real. Howard pointed out that they weren't the first ones to do that. His show was ''real'' before they were.
Howard said it was pretty obvious that Artie was funnier than Joe Buck was and that's what the girls were talking about. Artie said they were fair and he thanks them for doing that. Artie said that this guy Bob Riceman's column pointed out that 381,000 people watched that Joe Buck show and it was big news because it was big numbers for HBO. He said that they get more listeners than that every day and they don't make the news.
Artie said he loves Richard Christy to death but he's being kind of a baby there. He said he's taking it too seriously because they all go through shit there. He said that you need a thick skin there. Howard said the problem is actually off the air. He said that they have to work together and they get so brutal with each other that they stop coming into the studio.
Artie said that he's talking about that. He said Richard is refusing to go to Will about stuff and that's off the air.
Howard said he's not sure what's going on back there but he told them to look at it and figure it out. Gary said that morale is down this morning because of this whole thing. Howard said he just wants them to straighten it out and make it work in the office. Howard said he wants them to clear the air and fix it so they can make it better for the show. Howard said he's hearing a lot about this stuff and he wants it fixed.
Gary said that one guy didn't get it and now it makes it look like the office isn't functioning. Gary said they spoke to Richard and he was the only one who didn't seem to get it. Howard said he told Gary that if there's no problem then he's not worried about it. Howard said if there isn't a problem then he's not worried about it. IF there is a problem then he wants them to work it out. He's not sure what's going on out there.
Howard said he's not out there to monitor what goes on. Gary asked if he trusts him to handle it. Howard said of course he is. He said all he did was ask Gary to handle it.
Howard said some of them feel guilty and that's why they feel this way. Howard said his words were ''is there something I can do'' and they said no. Gary said they said they had it under control and Howard asked them to confirm that a couple of times. Howard said he's not sure how he wanted him to handle it.
Howard said he didn't tell Gary to do anything. He said he just asked them to handle any problems they may have. Howard said he might not be the problem there. Gary said he went in and spoke to Richard last week and he feels better about things. Howard said that Gary had a conversation with Richard so that must be how they fixed things.
Gary said Howard snapped at him and Howard can never remember when he does that. Gary said that they're all working on a deadline and he doesn't take any of this stuff personally.
Howard said he heard that Jason's mom emailed Sal. Gary didn't know that was going on. Sal said that she told him to leave her son alone. Sal said that he may have said some stuff about Jason that upset her and she wrote to him about it.
Howard said this doesn't sound like a fun environment when this stuff is going on. Gary said they felt that Howard didn't trust them. He said he never said he felt guilty, Howard just assumed he felt guilty.
Sal said that Gary should have handled this without Howard getting involved. Howard said that all he did was ask if things could be improved.
Howard said he heard Sal say that his father is illiterate. He didn't know that. Howard said Sal also said that his dad used to spend $200-300 a week on lottery tickets. Sal said it became $500 a week at one point. He said there were times that they didn't have anything to eat but he was spending money on lottery tickets.
Sal said his dad won $30,000 one time and they all got $100 and a meal at a buffet and the rest of the money went back into the lottery. Gary said they heard a story about Sal's father having people fill out lottery tickets because he thought they might know the future.
Sal told the story about his father thinking that their grandmother might come to them in their dreams and give them the numbers for the lottery. Sal said the guy was out of his mind. He said his father made them take a pen and paper to bed just in case their grandmother gave them the numbers.
Sal told another story about his father using Mexican Jumping Beans to pick lottery numbers. Sal said that he played 911 on the lottery for three weeks straight after 9/11. Sal said no one ever got the numbers from their grandmother.
Lisa G got back to her news and she said she got an interview with Phil Ramone who used to work right next to Howard's dad when he owned his recording business. Howard said he didn't know that and his dad probably wouldn't remember him either.
Howard said his father was all fired up about the golf tournament this weekend. He said he was upset about the fans heckling Tiger Woods on the course. He said it's like going to a Yankee game now that people yell stuff out. It used to be much more civilized.
Artie said that baseball is harder than golf and he's not sure why it's that bad to yell stuff out. He said he heard that some of it is racial though so that's not good. Artie said he heard that some people are yelling stuff out that's racial and that's grotesque. Artie said he's all for yelling at golf players but not if it's racial.
Lisa said Richie Sambora was at this event she was at and he told her he heard the Denise Richards interview and he loves Howard. Howard said he's heard that Richie has a big cock from several sources. Howard said Denise had very high marks for him too.
Lisa said James Taylor was also there and said that being on the Stern Show was like being thrown out of a car at high speed. Steven Stills was there too and she had a quick interview with him as well. She said that Steven was glad to hear that Howard was teaching his daughters about Crosby Stills and Nash. They had to take a break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Heather Vandeven is hosting a show for Howard TV. It's the Penthouse 40th Anniversary Special. Heather came in and both Howard and Artie went a little crazy over her dress. She said she got it in San Trope. Howard checked out her shoes and noticed she wasn't wearing any panties.
Howard said he saw her vibrating ass and pussy product that's out too. Howard asked if she took a mould of her. She said she really did that. She said they use a sculpting clay to make it.
Howard had Heather hold the product to her real vagina and it looked like it was dead on to him. Robin said it didn't look like something you could enter easily.
Heather made that back in 2007 when she was the Penthouse Pet of the Year. Howard said she's been holding up very well since then. He asked her about what she eats, how she exercises and stuff like that.
Howard said heather is going to be hosting this special and they're going to go back and look at some of the best moments on the show where they spoke to Penthouse Pets.
Artie said that Heather is really hot. She wasn't wearing a bra according to Howard. Heather said she's going to be changing outfits about 5 times and she will do it in front of the camera. Howard said he approved that process.
Howard said that they're going back to 1995 with some of the clips and they'll cover many of those moments over the years.
Howard said he can't wait for this special. He said he read that she's single too so that's going to excite the audience. Artie seemed to be single when he heard that.
Howard said that Heather is one of the most spectacular women he's ever seen. She said that she needs a man who can appreciate that and not get jealous. She said that he can't be jealous over her career or anything like that.
Howard asked Heather if she goes out at night a lot. She said she will do that and she may not call but she's usually pretty good about that. The guy she dated most recently she saw for 2 years. Howard asked if he cried when they broke up. She said he was upset but didn't cry.
heather said that sexually they weren't together anymore. Howard read that it was ''too vanilla'' for her. Howard asked what he has to be into. Heather said for her she wants a dominant male who isn't afraid to take you and take you hard. She said that he has to be sensual too though. She said that they have to mentally fuck her as well as physically. Howard said he can imagine a guy doing that at first but then just getting it over with. She said that's fine but they have to make it good.
Howard asked if he wasn't licking her the right way. She said that was it. She said that the guy had a large cock and that worked fine. She said it was the other stuff that wasn't working. She said that he was about 9 1/2 inches. She said that it looked like it could be longer to her. Howard asked Heather when she last brought a girl home for him. She said it was probably 5 months ago.
Howard read about Heather doing some TV shows and shooting some movies. she's doing girl on girl stuff but refuses to do men on film. She said that scares her. She said that she's never had an STD so she likes doing just women.
Howard asked heather what kind of stuff she likes in bed and she said she likes being choked and things to get a little rough. Howard said he wants her to take her clothes off and talk dirty to him so he can see what that's like. She said she would do that.
Heather claims that she's masturbated thinking about Howard. She said that she also thinks about Jeff Goldblum. Heather said that she will think about Howard in that way because he's the kind of guy she likes. Artie said that he and Howard know how to lick things, they have to work hard for chicks.
Howard said that Heather is in a magazine called Variations and you can find out more at Variations.com.
Howard said that he had sex with one of these fake vagina things one time. He said he got black and blue doing it though. He didn't know it needed lube. Howard asked Heather if 6 inches is enough for her. She said that would be more than enough with Howard. She said it's Howard so that 6 is plenty.
Howard said one of the stories he heard about Heather was in the military. She said she was in and she was voted the most attractive woman. She said that she didn't look that good in the military outfit. Artie said that if she put them on now they'd prove that wrong. She said she had to wear awful looking glasses too so that was the other thing.
Heather said she had a bulldyke roommate who would hit on her all the time when she got pregnant. She said that she wasn't attractive at all.
Howard asked Heather when she had a chick last. She said it was Justine Jolie and it was about 4 months ago. She said she was in Kawi in Hawaii. Howard asked what they were doing there. She said they had some models there shooting for their web sites (MyHeatherVandeven.com).
Howard asked about what they did that they got to be alone. She said they were all staying in the same house. She said she had a room downstairs and Justine had one upstairs. They were all in each other's shoots so it was just a matter of time before something happened.
Howard asked heather about what was going on there and she filled him in on the details. She talked about some of the other girls who were there that day. She said that Aria Giovanni was there too. Artie didn't remember who Justine was even though she had sat on his face in the studio one day. Artie said he was on heroin so he didn't remember a lot of things.
Howard asked heather what she and Justine did together. She said that Justine sucked on her feet and she took her whole foot into her mouth. She said she loved that.
Heather said that Justine went down on her for maybe 20 minutes. She said that she likes to get or give all of the attention so they didn't do 69 together.
Artie said that Heather is actually in his book. He said that he forgot about that. He said she must have dyed her hair. She said she did darken it.
Howard read that Heather had made out with Mick Jagger years ago. She said she did but he used too much tongue. She said he used his whole tongue. She didn't have sex with him but she did make out.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Heather to get on the Sybian. She said she's been on it before and you should be able to find it online.
heather asked Howard to show his socks to her. Howard said that was no problem. He showed her his sneakers and said they were the greatest ever. He said they're Converse and they're great. He had grey socks on and Heather asked him to pull them up first. Then she asked him to take them off. She loved his feet. Then Artie took his boots off and showed her his feet. She sounded a bit freaked out by that.
Howard asked to see Heather's butt next. Artie asked if he could spank her. Howard wasn't sure so Artie asked if he could do it outside. Then Howard asked if they could see her boobs. She showed them and Howard said they were prefect. Artie said she's the hottest chick they've ever had up there. He said he wasn't just saying that either.
Howard asked Heather who she thinks is hotter than her. She said that she's not sure. Howard said she's hotter than Megan Fox. He said Heather's body is better, she doesn't have any tattoos and she's more fun. He said she's really perfect. Howard asked her what her biggest flaw is. Artie said it was that she wasn't dating Artie Lange.
heather said she likes her body so she didn't have any flaws that she could think of. Howard asked Robin if she would do lesbian stuff with this chick. Robin said she wouldn't do it unless she had a body like Heather's.
Howard said that the Howard TV special starts on July 23. He gave her some more plugs and said you can get her pussy and ass mould from PenthouseStore.com. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said he read that ZZ Top was going out on tour with Aerosmith. He said he wants to see that concert. Fred thought it sounded pretty good too.
Howard said that it was hot chick day around there. They had Lydia Hearst coming in next. He said that she's the daughter of Patty Hearst. Howard gave some background on Patty Hearst and said that Lydia's story fascinates him. Howard said she's like a super model.
Lydia came in and Howard said she looks like model. She's 24 years old and a super model now. Howard asked what kind of money she can make. She didn't want to say. She said that she's been working a lot though and just got back from shooting a music video that was a little scandalous.
Howard asked Lydia about growing up as Patty Hearst's daughter. He asked if she told her about what she went through when she was growing up. Lydia said she had a normal life growing up in Connecticut. She said that there was no fear of going out or anything like that. She did know about what happened to her mom though.
Howard asked Lydia if she was freaked out by what her mother did. She said that she was pardoned when she was in 8th grade so she doesn't think that much about it.
Howard asked Lydia if she can talk to her mother about that kind of stuff because he knows he can't talk to his dad about some stuff. Lydia said she talks to her parents about everything like 8 times a day. She said that she has no problem talking to them about anything. She said they're very close and she was with them out in Los Angeles.
Lydia said that she's close with her sister too. She said she's pretty hot too. Robin asked when she went into modeling. Lydia said that she was fascinated with the entertainment industry and she wanted to get into it. She said her mom was in a bunch of John Waters movies so she saw that going on. She had to go to school and finish that before her parents would let her go. She said that she didn't finish college though. She said she went for 2 years and ended up leaving after that.
Howard asked Lydia if she knows what she's worth. He said her family is worth a lot of money. Lydia said she kind of knows. Howard said he read that the family is worth $5 billion a few years ago. They were worth $18 billion in 2004. Howard asked her what goes on there and why she models when the family is worth so much. He asked her why she bothers working.
Lydia said that she loves what she does. She said every day is completely different. She loves hanging out with the photographers. She said she hasn't banged any of them. Howard said all models bang their photographers. That's what he thought anyway.
Howard asked who gets a cut of the fortune. She said that there were a few family members who got a cut of that $18 billion.
Howard asked Lydia about how she found out what she was worth and if she spends money on anything crazy. She said she really doesn't spend that much on lavish stuff. She said she just got her first apartment in New York City recently and it's just a 2 bedroom.
Howard asked Lydia if she has a ''Jew clause'' in her inheritance. She said she doesn't have anything like that. Howard read about what the family owns and had partial ownership in. Howard asked if she could get her own show if she wanted. She said she had never considered that.
Robin asked if she has any say in what's on those TV channels they own. She said she doesn't really get involved but she knows what's going on with them.
Howard said that this has to be the greatest thing ever when they have so much money. Lydia said they have a board of trustees to take care of most of the stuff they do.
Lydia said she started modeling when she was 17 back in 2004. Howard asked her when she lost her virginity. She said it was around that age. Howard found out it was a fellow student in school. She said she didn't videotape anything back then. She said that she's in a movie and in French Playboy. She said that she doesn't show vagina but she does show boobies in that. Howard said he saw her pictures and she has big boobs. He asked if they're real. Lydia claims they are.
Howard asked if she hangs out with Paris Hilton or anyone like that. She said she doesn't but she admires what she's done with her career. She said that Paris is having her 15 minutes of fame and it's lasting. Howard asked if she's a good role model for her. Lydia said she will never make a sex tape like Paris did.
Howard asked Lydia if she's in love right now. She said ''maybe.'' Howard asked who the guy is. She said it's someone she's known for a while. Howard told her to make sure she gets a pre-nup. Howard asked if her parents have told her this. She said she would have a pre-nup if she got married. Lydia said she knows you need one in this day and age.
Howard read that Lydia had dated a helicopter pilot. She said that only lasted like 3 weeks. She wasn't sure why they blew it up into something bigger than it really was.
Howard asked Lydia about this new guy and what he does. She said that he works in the art/entertainment industry. Howard said it sounds like he wants to leach off of her. Artie asked if it was Pauly Shore. Robin said She said it was the art and ''entertainment'' business. It wasn't Pauly.
Howard asked Lydia how long she waits to have sex with a guy like this. She said she can hold out for a couple of weeks. Howard asked if she has to masturbate every day. She said she's not that kind of girl. Howard asked if she ever got obsessed with masturbation. She said that she has never done that. She swore to god that she had never done it. Howard said that she had to be curious about what it would feel like. She said she never even thought about doing it and wasn't interested at all.
Howard figured she was just embarrassed by this and wasn't telling the truth. She said that it was embarrassing. Howard asked if she had ever tried smoking pot. She said that she had tried that. She was embarrassed that she had. Howard asked her why she never tried masturbating, he didn't understand that. She was too embarrassed to talk about it. Artie pointed out that her mother robbed a bank so she shouldn't be embarrassed.
Howard asked Lydia if she would try it in her life sometime. She said she might sometime. She had never even tried a vibrator.
Lydia said she heard about one of the other girls that's in her movie and that she had sex with a machine in the studio. Howard said she did ride the Sybian. Howard told her she should try masturbation herself.
Lydia said her friends talk about it and she just never got into it. She said she was a Connecticut girl and not one of those ''city sluts.'' Robin asked if she had ever gone a long time without a man. Lydia said she's gone 6 months without a man but she still didn't masturbate. Robin asked if she gets horny during that time. Lydia said she does.
Howard asked Lydia if she can have an orgasm from a man and from penetration. She said that she can. Howard asked if she can get off from licking. She said she can do that too.
Howard gave Lydia a plug for ''The Last International Playboy'' movie that she's in. Howard asked how she got into the movie. She said that she knows the producer. She gave a quick rundown of the plot and it sounded a bit like Artie's life. Lydia said she's nude in the film. She said her parents haven't seen the movie yet.
Howard asked why Lydia doesn't use her father's last name. She said her real name is Hearst-Shaw but the modeling agency changed it to make it more recognizable.
Howard had Lydia model for him and said that she's really skinny. She said she doesn't have a scale. She said that she does eat meat and cheese and she definitely doesn't starve herself.
Lydia said that the movie has been sold out since opening night. Howard wanted to see it but it's sold out. She said that they actually banned some of the posters for the movie. You can find that poster at TheLastInternationalPlayboy.com. She said you need some kind of code to get the poster but I wasn't able to get it down.
Robin asked Lydia if she ever had to do any chores or anything. She said that she had to load and unload the dishwasher at home. She said her first job was doing inventory at a store too so she has worked. She went to public school too and was a cheerleader there. Robin asked if there were any servants in her house. She said there were none. Robin sounded shocked by that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he heard she had a servant that was in charge of spanking her. Lydia said that she was spanked as a child but everyone her age was spanked.
Howard talked to Lydia about coming out against Britney Spears when she was caught out without her underwear on. Lydia said she's not a fan of women like that who go out without underwear on. She said that she had underwear on today even though her clothes were kind of skimpy on top.
Jeff the Drunk called in and asked Lydia if she's ever sucked a cock. Howard cut him off and said that she's a cultured, nice young girl... but it is a legitimate question. He asked her if she would avoid that with a man. She said she would not avoid it. Jeff asked if she would swallow too. Howard said that was really low... but it was a legitimate question. He asked her if she would swallow. Lydia would only say that she hasn't had any complaints.
Howard asked Jeff what he would do if he had $5.2 billion available to him. Jeff just said ''Sweet.'' Howard said Lydia works harder than Jeff does and she doesn't even have to.
Howard said that Lydia is very sweet and he was happy to have had her in there. Howard asked her what kind of things she's gotten as gifts from her family. She said her favorite thing is the cats her family gave to her. She said she wasn't even that big of a fan of cats but she loves them.
Howard asked Lydia about what kind of gifts her family gave for her 16th birthday and things like that. She said that she didn't remember. Artie said it's hard to wrap ''everything.''
A caller said she met Patty Hearst at a dog show recently and she was very nice. Lydia said that her mom actually breeds dogs. She said that she goes to the shows but doesn't walk her dogs in the shows.
Another caller asked what she thinks of ''Citizen Cane'' and if she would be showing her rosebud today. Howard said he brought that up because the movie is loosely based on her great grandfather.
Howard gave Lydia some more plugs for her movie. She said she has this video coming out soon too and she had a still on her Blackberry that she showed to Howard and Artie. Artie told her ''Oh, good for you.'' The scene is a threesome remake scene.
Howard said he could spend all day with her but he was going to let her go. He gave her some more plugs and said that the movie is opening at the Village East theater. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he was looking at an app for the Blackberry that will tell you where there are public bathrooms called Sit or Squat. Howard said he likes that.
Howard said he wrote down a name of an author in his notes but he wasn't sure why. He said it must have been a story about him but he couldn't remember what it was about.
Howard said the PETA people sent him this horrible thing about pigs being treated at the Hormel meat processing thing. He said they kick and spray paint the pigs and he's not sure if it's true or not but they want him to sign a petition. Howard said he hesitates to do that without doing the research himself.
Robin said that she has a movie that she wants Howard to watch but he said he doesn't want to see it. Robin said it's about how they process food and not even about the slaughtering. Howard said he's not interested.
Howard said he was watching some chess videos over the weekend and he really thinks that they need to do a better job with them than they're doing. He said they're awful DVDs.
Howard talked about some of the old movies that he used to watch and how they were always someone vs. someone else. He said he thinks they should have Superman vs Spider-Man or something like that.
Howard said he figured out who the author was that he wanted to mention. He said this guy Rob Eshman had written an article about him being relevant so he wanted to thank the guy.
Artie said he was thinking about the ''vs'' movies and how Abbot and Costello used to do that kind of thing. He said he loved that stuff.
Howard said that Richard and Sal made another call to Swap Shop show. He said he wanted to play that before getting to the news segment. In the clip Sal was selling a ''camel toe.'' Then Richard called in doing his British accent. He asked what exactly they do there. The host said he didn't have time to do that and was about to hang up on him. Richard said he had a cock ring he wanted to sell. He also had a used mechanic's box to sell with a French tickler and a jizz rag. He also had a reach around broom that he was trying to sell. Sal then called in with some more stuff to sell. He had some cock cheese in a basket for sale.
Howard said that the idiots at CBS got rid of CBS FM and that was the one station that was giving them ratings. He said they had to bring it back because they realized they made a mistake.
Howard said that there were some news stations up at the top and Steve Harvey was at number 3. Howard said that the news stations are above Harvey and Z-100 has dropped down a bit. Howard said the dopes over at K-Rock got rid of that format and put on ''Now FM'' in place of it and they tried to go up against Z-100 but failed even though they were commercial free. He doesn't understand how that's possible.
Howard said that Imus is in the top 10 over at WABC. Howard said that shows just how bad radio is. He said if he went back to terrestrial radio he'd crush that guy. Howard said he would punish his audience if he found out that Imus was in the top 10.
Howard said that he would never let all of that happen if he was still on terrestrial radio. Artie said that in every other form of entertainment they were able to replace famous people. He said that Howard isn't replaceable. He said they can't find anyone to replace the guy even though in movies and TV they've found stars to replace other stars. He said that's just a fact. Howard kept stopping him but then he'd tell him to go on.
Howard and Artie went back and forth arguing about whether or not it's right to yell out at a golf game or not. Artie said that guys in baseball and football have to hear people yelling at them so golfers should be able to handle stuff like that as well.
Robin said she doesn't want to hear that kind of thing going on when she goes to tennis or golf games. She said that's not what those games are about.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if things are going okay with him and Beth. Howard said things have never been better. The caller thought it was odd that Howard's name wasn't being brought up in the news about Beth lately. Howard said he actually used the Billy Joel break up in his favor.
The caller asked Artie how things are with him and his girl. Artie said that things are going great but they do have some issues since they are from different backgrounds. He said that things are good though.
Artie said that she's in the process of moving but a lot of her stuff is at his place. Howard said that if she moves in she won't move out. Artie said he's not letting her move in because things are going too fast. Artie said he told her that he's only been clean for 3 months and he need at least a year before he gets into something so serious.
Artie said that she's moving back in with her parents and that's an hour and a half away from her. He said that she needed a place to stay and she was staying with him. Howard said he thinks that she's there to stay. Artie said she's out by Wednesday at 2.
Ralph called in and said that Artie is moving way too fast with this chick. He said it's just another addiction. Robin said it might be a distraction and not an addiction. Howard asked if she has a key to his place. Artie just laughed. Artie said that she does. He said she has the key to his heart too.
Artie said he took her (Adrienne) to Los Angeles with him and she had this huge carry on bag that didn't fit. Artie said that she's not at his place right now. She had a death in the family and she had to go down to be with her family.
Artie said that his therapist thinks that he's moving way too quick. Howard asked when he gave her the key. He said that he gave her a key like 2 and a half weeks ago and they just met like 3 weeks ago. Howard said he's seen rocket ships move slower.
Artie said his therapist is telling him that he's moving too fast. She's 25 and she's never even seen Rocky. He doesn't know how that's possible with the name Adrienne.
Howard asked Artie if he bought her a new dress for her grandfather's funeral. Artie said he didn't. Howard asked Artie what he did buy her. Artie said that's none of his business. Then Artie broke down and said he did go out shopping one day and TMZ was following him around.
Artie said that he bought her some food and that was it. Artie said he bought her a necklace at this place called Lazarro and it was under $15,000. Robin asked if it was under 5 grand. Artie said it was under 15.
Artie said this place Lazarro is great and he's surprised that Ralph doesn't know about it because this gay guy runs it.
Artie said that he's going out to Vegas this weekend but he's not taking Adrienne. He said it's a guy's weekend and she backed off when he told her that. Artie said he won't be doing anything bad at the bachelor party he's going to. He said he doesn't do that stuff anymore. Artie said he's having both of his body guards out there with him.
Artie said that Ralph was right about this whole thing. He's moving too fast and this chick is moving an hour and a half away. He said he doesn't want to screw things up.
Howard said Eric should be able to live on the SSI he gets. Steve said he might be spending money on food. Artie said he has a story to tell tomorrow about how Eric scammed J-Rad.
Steve said they have a story about a guy who wrote an article about the show and how they pulled it and the writer no longer writes for the site. Steve mentioned that Kevin Nealon will be on Greg Fitzsimmons show tonight at midnight on Howard 101.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He mentioned heather Vandeven and that led to Robin asking Howard if he would have dated her when he was single. Howard said he was thinking about that in the bathroom earlier. He said he gets nervous with girls like that who do porn and mess around with other girls. He said he gets a little germ phobic but she sure seems like a lot of fun. Howard said she'd probably dump him in a minute though.
Robin read that Giselle Bundchen has confirmed that she's pregnant. Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man who said he'll see Artie out in Vegas. He asked Howard what his favorite Munsters episode is. Howard said he likes the one where Herman creates the song ''Them Bones.'' He likes it when he works at the funeral parlor and they think he's dead. He also likes the one where he ends up on the German sub and they think they found the missing link. Artie had a few that he loved too. He named those three and Howard talked about other episodes that he loved too. They spent a few minutes talking about those old shows. They were talking about the A&E special that Howard had seen and went over a lot of details from those old shows.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was sorry to hear about Adrienne's grandfather and asked if he died of embarrassment when he found out his granddaughter was dating ''Blubber Lange.'' Artie said that must have been it.
Robin got back to her news and read about Ryan Seacrest coming up with a new TV show with Lindsay Lohan. Robin had some details of a Twitter post that Lindsay made about the new show.
Robin read about Madonna adopting another child from Malawi. The guys spent a few minutes talking about that and how it's too bad she can't adopt all of the unwanted kids over there.
Robin read a story about a 15 year old kid who shot his mother with a BB gun down in Port St. Lucie, Florida. He's facing aggravated battery charges. They had gotten into a fight over TV.
Robin read about a man who was masturbating in a park and claimed that he was just giving his penis some air when the cops caught him. Howard said he's glad he doesn't have any compulsions like that where he has to show his wiener to people. He said he's known of people like that who just feel compelled to do that.
Robin said the Wall Street Journal is reporting that Steve Jobs underwent a liver transplant operation about 2 months ago. Howard said they have to keep that guy alive because he turned that company around with the products they have. Howard said he creates the environment to create the stuff they create and that's why he's a genius. Howard said the guy is a dreamer. Artie said he picks the guys who invent that shit.
Robin said that Jobs' condition has been kept under wraps to keep the stock prices stable. Howard said that when you have technology you have to do something with it. That's what this guy seems to be doing. Robin said they expect him to return to work by the end of June. Howard said if he were Steve Jobs, he'd create the iLiver instead of the iPhone. Howard said he's still waiting for the iPussy.
Robin said that there's a new law that may be signed into law today to let the FDA ban certain things that are in cigarettes and the warnings on the packs will be made even bigger.
Ralph called in and said it's amazing that they kept this Steve Jobs thing a secret. He said that they can't even keep their products a secret and they kept that operation a secret.
Robin read some news about Iran being in a calm state this morning. The citizens have calmed down over the weekend.
Robin read some news about some Shell oil pipelines that were attacked in Nigeria.
Robin had some news about President Obama's approval rating dropping lately. He's still got a 53 percent approval rating though. Howard talked about Obama a little bit and how he thinks the guy is trying and people just aren't giving the guy a chance.
Robin said that President Obama is ready for North Korea to launch a missile toward Hawaii in early July. Howard said it's a good thing he's not president. He said he'd do a preemptive strike on this country. He said that he'd nuke North Korea if he were President. He said there would be one big hole over there and they could put Artie's girlfriend's stuff in that hole. Artie got a laugh out of that.
Robin read about the U.S. Open and how some of it was rained out. They got rained out on one day but they were able to play some over the weekend. She had some audio of some of the players talking about the competition.
Robin read about Lance Armstrong winning a bicycle race over the weekend. It was his first win since coming out of retirement.
Robin read some news about Roger Federer doing very well in tennis lately. She said that he's the number 1 seed for the all grass tournament.
Robin had some news about Transformers 2 opening overseas at number one. Howard said he can't wait to see that. He said he really liked the first one. He said he can't wait to see Megan Fox because she seems to have gotten hotter since the first one. Artie said he thinks that Heather Vandeven is hotter than Megan Fox. Howard said he agrees.
Robin read some other movie news and mentioned the new Sandra Bullock movie and Howard said he doesn't think that the scene where she's supposed to be naked is really her. He said he thinks they got stand in for that scene. He said he likes her and all but he doesn't think that was her.
Robin read about Cameron Diaz's new movie. She had some audio of her talking about that. She also had some audio of Sandra Bullock talking about her movie. Robin had Howard play some audio of Woody Allen talking about working with Larry David in his new movie too. They ended the show around 10:30am.
Artie said that even Howard said it on the air that she was the hottest chick they've ever had up there. He agreed with him on that.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that most guys are intimidated by her. Gary said that they probably are you do have to have a certain look for her and you need confidence to do that. Gary said he doesn't have either of those things to put together.
Artie said that nerdy and loser guys get into comedy because you can kind of get that confidence. Gary said he was reading that David Cross was with Amber Tamblin and that pissed Artie off. Artie said that his chick is way hotter than that chick.
Gary said that he and Artie were on a plane one time and she looked so hot in this military outfit she had on. Gary said that she looked hot even in the bad outfit she was wearing. He said that's why they don't believe what Heather was saying about not looking good in her military outfit.
Artie said that they were on a plane with this chick and her nickname was ''Worm.'' He said she was the hottest chick ever and he was making references to Dennis Rodman because that was his nickname and the chick had no idea who he was.
Jon had Teddy play a clip of Heather talking about how they took the mould of her vagina and ass for that toy she was showing off today.
After the clip Gary said that Heather did this move that showed off her private area and it was the sexiest thing ever. Artie said that she lifted her leg up and it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He said that he's done the mould thing before so he knows what it's like. He explained how they do it with this blue stuff that hardens He said that they did that with him one time and they keep it on file forever so you can make moulds in the future.
Artie said that he would eat that chick's shit with a knife and fork and do whatever she wanted. JD was in so Jon asked him what he thought about her. JD said he was a big fan. He said she's very hot. He said he wasn't that into her until today. He said that she seems to be very submissive and that's what he's into. JD said that he loves big asses and she didn't have one but he said that he can adapt. JD said that he would love to dominate her.
Artie said that show has to be one of the highest rated on Howard TV when it airs. He said that one may out do his ''Drunk in Vegas'' show.
JD said he hasn't gotten laid but he has hung out with some girls. Artie he might have to fuck JD himself. JD said the girls bring guys to the shows and that's why he can't get the chicks. Artie said he can take care of that and make the guys disappear.
Artie said that he should see the movie ''The Hangover'' because it will make people think differently about Vegas whores.
Benjy asked JD if he would ever fuck a guy's wife if the guy asked him to. Artie told him not to do it. Artie said he's been in that situation and it wasn't cool. He said the guy asked him to fuck his wife and he started to make out with her but the guy was a little odd so he got out of there. JD said he's not sure he could do anything like that anyway.
Artie talked about how they're going to be going to Rick's Cabaret out there in Vegas and they'll be doing the Miss Howard TV show shoot too. He told JD they're going to Rick's every night out there.
JD said that a lot of the guys from Howard TV are going to be out there. Benjy wanted to go too and Artie even offered to pay for his flight. Benjy said he wasn't sure he could do that.
Gary said it's great that all of the guys like Gange and Doug are going to this shoot out there while they never go to shoots at places like Jeff the Drunk's house.
Jim McClure was in the studio so Artie said that he wants him to go too. Artie said he wants all of the guys out there this weekend.
Jim said that when they did the Craptacular show they had one poor guy come out to do the shoot and for this Vegas thing they're sending like 8 people out.
Jon said that Howard suggested that Artie bring his new lady out to Vegas. Artie said that was the funniest thing ever. Artie said his girlfriend knows that it's a guy's weekend and it's just not the right place for her. He said she understands that. Artie said that he won't be drinking or doing any drugs out there. He said he's not going to do anything wrong, he's just going to have a fun, guys weekend.
Ronnie said that Artie always says he's going to show up to stuff out there but he never does. Artie said that's because he was on heroin.
Ronnie said that Scott the Engineer was hoping that he could make it out there on Artie's dime. Artie said that he will pay for his flight. Artie said he'll pay for anyone who hasn't already been booked out there.
Ralph called in and said he wasn't trying to get a freebie. He said that he wouldn't fly coach. Artie told Ralph that he'll buy a ticket for him and call the money he owed him even. Ralph said he has to work on Friday. He's doing a special with Jon Hein in the afternoon on Friday.
Artie said he wants everyone coming out there with him. He said that everything is going to be free out there and they're going to have a great time.
Scott came in and thanked Artie for the offer but he has to talk to ''his partner'' first. Artie said that he can't believe he's saying that. He should just go out. Doug Goodstein said that Scott has wanted in from day one and he wants to go to Vegas. He said that they do have an audio mix out there but that's being done by the house.
Jon asked Doug how Scott asked to go. Doug said Scott just said he heard they were going and asked if they ended any help.
Gary said he had his kid's birthday party on Friday so he can't go. Jon asked if anyone else approached them to go. Artie said he would even pay for Mel Karmazin to go. Jared Fox is going to be out there according to Doug. Artie said he doesn't want him out there fucking the chicks that they could be fucking. He said he thinks that Jared is going to get about 14 chicks out there.
Gary asked JD if there's a chance he'll come home and not have gotten laid. JD said there's a good chance of that. Artie told Jon to come out too. Jon said he appreciates the invite. It didn't sound like he was going.
Ralph said he'll be working on Friday so he can't be there. Artie said he would fly Jason out but he can't afford four seats.
Artie said he wants Ralph to come out and told him to just book the flight and give him the receipt. He said he's going to win money out there and he thinks that he'll double his money there.
Artie said that he has been out to do shows like that before and he gambles like crazy. He said he and Norm MacDonald have played poker, craps and just keep doing this stuff and don't get any sleep. He said they didn't take showers and didn't change clothing when they were doing these shows.
Artie said that it's a lot of fun doing that stuff even when he loses a ton of money. He said he got paid like 5 grand to open for Norm and he lost $20,000. He said Norm probably made $15,000 and lost $50,000.
Lisa G came in and Artie told her to go fuck herself if she thinks that she's coming out there. Ronnie said he's going to have a suite at the Hard Rock and he's going to have a butler following him around out there. Artie said that if he has that then he had better have the room with the bowling alley in it.
Jon asked Ronnie about the room he's talking about. Ronnie said that they're doing an article on him and this room is going to be part of the story. Artie said there's this guy Seth out there that does the butler thing. He said he was great at ''getting you pussy... I mean cigarettes.''
Ralph said that Artie is already out of his mind and this trip isn't until next weekend. Artie said he was getting a headache just thinking about this stuff.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she was going to be out in Vegas and she wanted to get into the Howard TV shoot. Artie told her to text Steve Brandano a picture and if she's hot then he'll have her out.
Another caller said he wanted to play basketball against Artie this week. He said he's 49 and wants to play Artie. Artie asked why they would care. The guy said he wanted Red Sox tickets at the Yankee stadium. Artie said that he'd do it but he's not sure they'll care.
Another caller said he wanted to fly out to Vegas too and he could run interference for him. Artie told him he's not buying him a ticket and he should just work to make the money for the tickets.
Artie said that Robin isn't exactly a Kennedy and she has to remember where she came from. He said that he's going to yell out whatever he wants at tennis games or golf games. Jon said that the hecklers can be the best part of the game when you watch golf. The players can enjoy it too and they get a kick out of it sometimes from what he's seen.
The guys spent a little time talking about the yelling stuff. Ralph called in again during that discussion and said that it's not a ''class thing'' like they were thinking. Gary said that's what Robin was making it out to be though.
Ralph said that when you train for tennis you don't have people yelling out at you. In baseball you do have that going on. The guys went back and forth arguing about all of that for a few minutes. Artie said you don't rain in front of 80,000 people when you're growing up.
Artie said that he has to deal with hecklers all the time and some comedians can't even handle that. He said that's part of the show. Artie said that he can go back and forth with a heckler and that becomes part of the show. If he can't shut the guy up then it's his own fault.
Artie was talking about all of that when he got distracted by Howard and Tim Sabean walking by the studio. Artie got back to his discussion about doing comedy and dealing with the hecklers.
Artie said that it's bullshit that you can't yell out during a golf game. That's what he was trying to get across. Ralph was comparing it to yelling out during a movie. Most of the guys said that isn't the same kind of thing.
Artie bragged that he was over in Afghanistan performing for the troops. He was bragging to her and seemed to be trying to pick her up. He said that he hopes they can twitter together or something. She said she did get Artie's number.
Artie asked heather what she was doing for lunch. Then he coughed and said that he'd put her in his will after dating her for like 6 months.
Jon asked Heather if she's intimidated by Howard. She said she's really not. She said she gets excited about him. She said that now that she's seen his feet she's really turned on. Artie said that chicks tell him that he has great feet too. He said that's what chicks tell him. Heather asked to see Artie's feet too.
Gary asked if she knew that he got rid of his toe fungus. Heather told Gary to keep his shoes on. Meanwhile Artie had his shoes off and heather was shocked that they looked so good. Artie said that he's clean too and got a clean bill of health. Artie asked to see her ass after showing her his feet. He said he was just kidding. Heather told him that he'd already seen it.
Benjy said that a lot of chicks like to be dominated in the bedroom and that's what Heather was saying. Gary told her about Jillian Barberie doing the fake rape thing and asked Heather if she'd be into that. She said she's never done that before.
Artie asked if she would take any of the guys from the show out in public. She said that they were pretty normal to some degree. She said she would take them out. She said she's not sure who she wouldn't take out but Gary noticed that she stopped at Benjy. He asked her what she thinks about him.
Heather said that she couldn't date Gary because of the foot fungus. She said that Artie is much better now that he's off the heroin.
Gary asked about Jon. She asked if he's crazy in the bedroom. Jon moved on to ask her about JD. Jon asked the guys to pull up a picture of JD for her. Heather wasn't sure who he was so they showed a picture of him. Heather said ''Wow... oh... look at that.'' She said that she likes a man who is into physical fitness. Artie said that's why he has to start doing the pilates thing.
Heather told the guys a story about a sex scene she did in a scene for a porno and she keeps a band-aid on her vagina when she does the scenes. The guys are usually given a nylon to cover their penis covered. She said that in Romania they gave them athletic socks to put on.
Artie and Benjy pretended the story was funny and laughed with huge fake laughter. Artie said she really is a doll and apologized for goofing on her.
Jon asked Heather what else she's doing up there. She said that she's doing the show for Howard TV with the best moments of Penthouse Pets that have been on the show. She said it should be hilarious. Artie said she should tell that sock story again to make it really hilarious. Artie and heather were joking around about that and Artie said that's why they'd have fun doing the pilates thing.
Jon asked Doug if Gange was going to be handling this show. Doug said that Lee is actually going to be handling her today. He said that Lee is cock blocking Gange.
Benjy said that Lee's father just died and his dying wish was for Lee to make out with Heather. She wasn't falling for that.
Jon and Gary wanted to reel the show back in but Artie had taken over and was asking Heather all kinds of questions and kept going with her. Artie asked if she would stop doing the soft core porn for a guy. She said she's not sure she would stop because she wants to be able to support herself. Artie said that if she was dating this guy who was a sidekick to the greatest radio host ever, would she stop. She said that she would keep doing it. Artie said that imaginary sidekick would be willing to pay for everything but he respects that. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon said that he thinks she's really smart too and he really didn't get that same feeling that Benjy was getting.
Jon talked about Lydia Hearst coming in after Heather. They talked about her a little bit. Gary said that some girls come in there saying they're models and they're not. He said Lydia really is a real model.
Jon asked Gary what he would do if he was a Hearst and had all of that money. Gary said she didn't even know what the subway cost. Gary said he's not even sure but it must be around two bucks. Gary said he buys stamps all the time but he's not sure how much they are today. Benjy told him that they're 44 cents.
Jon and the guys talked about Lydia talking about how she works hard for her money and doesn't just take that family money and use it. She was also saying that she's not like Paris Hilton using her family money to build her career. Benjy said he thinks that she kind of has done that same thing that Paris has done. Gary asked what Paris has done to build her career and what is she going to do when the public is sick of her? Benjy said she has built her name. He said that Lydia had to use her Hearst last name to get into the modeling world.
Benjy said he didn't think that what Lydia was saying about girls going out without their panties was right either. He said there's no difference between that and her doing stuff topless. Gary said she's doing that for art.
Jon had Teddy play a clip from the Lydia interview where she talked about not masturbating. After that clip Gary said that was kind of surprising. Benjy said he thinks she was being honest about it. He said it sounds like maybe you have an issue if you don't do something like that.
Gary said that they take everything to Howard and he either wants to talk about it or doesn't. He said he may have to pay Richard another visit to make sure he's okay. He said everyone seems to be fine other than Jason and Richard. Jon said that seems like something that won't resolve itself.
Gary said that Jason hasn't done anything to Richard in the past 3 years and Richard is still holding it against Jason.
Benjy said that you can work together and still not be friends. Gary said that it's affecting the office though. Benjy said that it's Jason and Richard's business if they don't like each other. Jon said that's fine as long as it doesn't stop the office from running.
Jon said they only had a minute left so he brought up Little Mikey and talked about that for a short time. They were talking about how funny it was to see Howard not being able to look at Robin and Mikey not being able to look at her either.
Gary said he doesn't think that Robin enjoys the song parodies, she just tolerates them. Benjy said he thinks she gets a kick out of them but she may prefer that they not play them. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how Perez Hilton was beaten up by the Black Eyed Peas' management. Howard said that's what Perez claims anyway. Howard read about that and gave some of the details that Perez gave in his personal blog over at PerezHilton.com.
Howard said he told Perez to be careful about what he says. He said someone is going to go off on him eventually and that seems to be what happened there. Howard said the guy shouldn't have been punched though. Howard said he saw how shaken up he seemed to be.
Howard said he saw ''True Blood'' from this week and it was really good. He said that show is a home run. Artie asked if that show or ''In Treatment'' is better. Howard said they're completely different. Howard said he'd have to choose ''True Blood'' over ''In Treatment'' though.
Howard said he's already seen ''The Bachelorette'' because he had a preview copy. He and Robin spent a minute talking about that episode. They talked about the strange foot fetish thing that one of the guys has on that show. Howard said he never understood that. He said that guys who are into feet can get into a woman who is a hag if she has nice feet.
Howard said he's fascinated by these dudes who are into diapers and other weird fetishes. He said something weird has to have gone on in their lives for them to be into that kind of crazy stuff. Howard said he doesn't get the foot thing but there are fetish porn videos out there for guys who are into that. Howard said that guy on The Bachelorette is abnormal in his opinion. He said no one is that into feet.
Howard said the reality shows out there can work or not. He said that Brooke Hogan show is great. He said it was very compelling to watch her. He said he can watch 10 other shows and not be into them. He said he's not even sure why.
Robin said she got roped into The Bachelorette this season even though she wasn't into some of the past seasons. Howard said the best reality show is what's going on in Iran. Howard had Robin pronounce ''Mahmoud Ahmadinejad'' since he wasn't able to say it himself. Howard said the guy looks like he's wearing a Members Only jacket in the shots he's seen of him. He looks like he's running the country back in the 1980s or something.
Howard said that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is like the guy who doesn't have any power but he tells people the way they're going to run the country and he smacks them down. Howard said the real guy in charge is the Ayatollah. Howard said they get this guy to be the President and they confuse the citizens into thinking they're voting for someone to be in charge.
Howard said that these Ayatollah guys are brilliant. They stay in charge and they get some schmuck to pretend he's in charge to confuse everyone. Howard said they rigged the election over there and everyone hates this Mahmoud Ahmadinejad guy. Howard said everyone is screaming about not having a democracy and they were just fooled by the whole thing. Howard said it shows how dumb they are over there.
Howard said that these people think that they've got some freedom over there but this whole election thing shows that they don't. He said that they're getting killed over a fake president. Howard said that would be like us getting upset about the West Wing TV show or something like that.
Howard said that he would just sit home and not worry about freedom over there. He said they had a short shot at freedom and they blew it over there.
Artie said that Saddam Hussein was trouble but the guy was able to run the country in a way that kind of worked. He said that the Shah of Iran was the same way. He said Hussein was running it like a gangster and we were able to deal with it. Now they have guys running the countries over there by religion and that shit is scarier than a mobster. Howard said he likes watching what's going on over there. He said it's good entertainment.
Robin said that the victim has to agree to those kind of deals. Artie said that she's probably afraid and it's fear that's making her do that.
Howard read about the community service that Brown is going to be doing and he's going to be doing labor because that's what the judge wanted. The judge told Rihanna about the plea deal and also said that they have to stay a certain distance from each other when they're at events together. Howard said that this is crazy because they're talking about letting them in the same event when they shouldn't be allowed near each other at all.
Howard read that the judge was praising Brown for fessing up to beating up Rihanna. Howard said she was basically saying that it was good that he manned up for beating up a woman. Howard said he doesn't understand why anyone would praise him for something like that.
Howard said he can't believe what he's reading. He said that the judge praised Brown and also said he has to pick up some garbage.
Howard said he is impressed that Brown was able to beat up a woman while driving at the same time. He punched her with his right hand while steering with his left. He said he must be a hell of a driver because he can't even drive with two hands himself.
Howard said brown was accused of threatening Rihanna even more after he beat the crap out of her. Howard said the chick is 19 years old and you don't beat up a 19 year old girl. Artie said you don't beat up any girl, even a 50 year old girl. Or a 55 year old who looks 20.
Artie said that Chris Brown is despicable and there's a comedian out there who said a joke about him that was pretty racist. He wasn't sure if he should tell the joke. Howard told Artie he can decide on his own. Artie was going to write it down for him instead. Howard said he didn't know what the joke was. Artie said it was a black comic who told the joke and it made him laugh forever.
Artie wrote the joke down and passed it to Howard to read. Howard said he's not sure why it's a joke. He said that they should just move on and not tell the joke. Howard said he didn't understand it.
Robin said that they were eating a guy at the end of the episode so she wondered if that guy is gone. Howard said he may become a vampire. He's really not sure though.
Another caller said he was just in the middle of brushing his teeth. Howard said he's noticed a lot of people who have shitty breath and it's like they ate a shit sandwich before talking to him. He said it's unbelievable.
Howard said he walks around during the day and people's breath just stinks. He said you should probably tell people that it's bad but he can't do that. Robin said that it depends on if it's just one day or if they have bad breath all the time. Howard said he knows a guy who complains about breath all the time but the guy has the worst all the time himself.
Howard said he wishes that there was something that could tell you that you stink. The caller said that peanut butter makes his breath stink. He said that he just pushes some air out through his teeth and he can smell it. Howard said he thinks it's mostly bad dental hygiene.
Howard said he goes to get his teeth cleaned every 3 months. He said he brushes like 4 times a day minimally. He said that this two times a day isn't enough. Howard said he's constantly picking at his teeth with a toothpick too.
Howard said his parents didn't give him braces even though his teeth were awful. Howard said his mother didn't have them so she figured he didn't need them. Howard said as a result of that he has to keep his teeth extra clean with a toothpick and he has no choice in that. Howard said he doesn't want to smell like he just ate a shit sandwich.
Howard said there are so many people walking around so unevolved. He said it has nothing to do with income level either. He said it just takes some time to take care of your teeth.
Artie said that there's nothing worse than going to kiss a chick with bad breath or if she has bad breath. Artie asked if a guy should kiss a chick after he goes down on them. Howard said most women don't mind that. Robin agreed with that.
The caller asked Howard about this porn site he goes to and how he had to show his wife what he looks at. Howard said that you can't show a woman what kind of porn you like. He said you never tell a woman what you really like.
Howard said he and Beth used to watch porn and she'd get disgusted by what they'd be watching. Beth would ask why the woman was doing what she was doing and it was turning her off to sex. Howard said he'd be getting turned on and she'd ask him what's wrong with him.
Howard said that you can't tell a woman what kind of porn you're into. Artie said that you have to make the porn really tame for a woman and just lie to them about it.
Howard said he will watch porn from someone who was on the show once in a while and it just turns Beth off. He said she doesn't like it and he's fine with that.
Howard played some of the porn clip where this woman is howling like a dog. He said he has to ask Sal what was going on in the clip. Sal said that this woman Audrey Hollander is in the woods and covered in dirt, shit and spit and this guy is banging her in the ass and she farts, then she starts yelping like a dog on her back. Howard tried to figure out exactly what he as saying. He went over the scene with Sal to find out all of the details.
Sal said there are two girls in the scene and the one girl is getting banged in the ass and then farts. She keeps yelping for minutes and it just goes on and on according to Sal.
Sal said they had another clip of some pussy farts. He said that's another good one. Howard played the farting dog howling clip again. Sal said that she's all dirty and you can't tell if it's shit or mud around her ass. He said she's flopping around in the wind.
Sal said that the movie about pussy farts (Queefs) was funny. Howard played some of that clip as well. Sal said the chick doing it was pretty hot too. Howard said that Beth would be grossed out by this immediately. He said she'd be asking why the woman was doing such a thing.
Sal said the guy was inside of this chick while she was doing the pussy farts. Howard said he had never heard of anything like that. Sal said that's quite a talent to be able to queef while getting banged.
Howard said he doesn't like hard core stuff like this. He doesn't want to see the pimples on chick's asses or anything like that either. Artie said that this is worse than the situation in Iran. Sal said this is tame stuff compared to some of what they get.
Sal said that they get some clips of guys dropping loads in a chick's ass and other girls sucking it out. Howard said Sal is turned on by that stuff though. Sal said he just wonders what happened to girls like that who suck that kind of stuff out of another chick's ass.
Howard said he hadn't heard the call yet. He played the call and we hear the reporters talking about this train crash and then they take a call from King who was pretending to be a doctor from a hospital. They asked King for some details on the injuries and King tells them about the injuries and then tells them that they're hanging on to life just so they can listen to Howard Stern. Then he yells out ''Howard Stern rules!'' a couple of times.
Howard said that this seems to be the only advertising for satellite radio in this tough economy. King said that's why he's doing it. He said that's how he gets the word out.
Howard asked King how he gets through with a call like that. King said that he's just a good bullshitter and he doesn't want to give the details of just how he gets through so he doesn't blow his whole thing.
King said he got laid off from a job recently and he's looking for something in marketing. He's living in Orlando, Florida right now and he's trying to find something. King said his email address is KingOfCable@aol.com and if you have anything for him you can email him. Howard thanked King and let him go a short time later.
Howard said they hadn't heard from King in a while. He said that Janks is getting sprung out of jail soon so maybe he'll start making some more phone calls. Artie said he just sent him another check so they're almost done with all of the doling out.
Howard talked about how Obama swatted the fly during an interview and it was pretty impressive that he got it. He said it's hard to swat a fly. Robin said it was like Mr. Miagi in ''The Karate Kid'' catching one with the chop sticks.
The caller told Robin about being in a cast all summer long last year and how he knows how Robin feels with the cast on her arm. Howard said Robin has a cast but it's not a cast. Robin said it's a splint. Howard said she has this splint and just started physical therapy yesterday.
Robin said they were impressed with the flexibility of her wrist yesterday. She said that she didn't have to do the exercises that they usually have you do. Robin said that her fingers are working just like they worked in the past. Fred said she's like Steve Austin (The Six Million Dollar Man).
Robin said the plate in her wrist is like 5 or 6 inches long. She said that the plate is more in her hand and not in her wrist.
Howard asked Robin about setting off the metal detector because he got a bunch of mail saying that it won't set off the metal detectors at the airport. Robin said she asked the doctor about that and they told her that the smaller stuff doesn't usually set it off but the lower body stuff that's larger would.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why Iran is a threat to Israel. Howard said that they're one of the fund raisers for terrorists. Howard said that they've sworn that they're going to take out Israel and Israel isn't allowed to defend itself. Howard said that Israel doesn't want to attack anyone but they want to live there and not have any problems from other countries. He said that these other Arab countries are not allowing them to live in peace and they use the Palestinians to attack them instead.
Howard said that Israel is a shithole and no one wanted to live there. He said that they were forced to live there and now these countries want them out of there.
The caller was saying that there is no comparison to Iran and Germany. Howard said there is though. He said that they're the new Germany saying that they don't want the Jews to exist. Howard said that Germany was marching right through Europe and taking whatever they could take. He said that the Iranians aren't doing that yet.
Howard gave the caller a history lesson about Israel and why the Jews ended up there. Howard said there was nothing there when they found that spot. Howard said they turned it into something. He said that no one wanted it until the Jews moved there. Howard said they don't even have oil there.
Howard told Artie he would have to do a lot of work to make it good. Artie said it sounds like what they're shooting wouldn't be what Howard would want to see. Artie said that he's doing this show for the money and he's looking to take a break eventually and that's the reason he'd do it. Howard told Artie to take a shot at it then. Howard said if it's going to bring a set back in his life then he should avoid it.
Artie said that he's afraid it will hurt his career. Howard said he cares about more than the money then. Artie said he guesses he does. He said he thinks the producers are good but he's not even sure about that. Artie said they want to call it ''Saving Artie Lange'' and that's a positive as long as he stays clean. He also said that he has final cut on the show so they can't put in anything he doesn't want.
Howard told Artie that he needs really interesting things happening in his show to make it good. Artie said he doesn't want to be a Brooke Hogan. Howard said they may be expecting him to go back to drugs or something and falling apart on them.
Howard said Danny Bonaduce ended up screwing up and made some of the best TV he's ever seen. Artie said he's not looking to do that. He said he has all of this great stuff going on in his life and career and he doesn't want to be a train wreck. Artie said that's what he's worried about.
Howard said Artie is going to have to do stuff for the show and he won't be able to sleep for 12 hours a day. Artie said that he got into show business and he has people around him who want him to talk to his mother on camera and stuff. He said he's not sure he wants to guilt them into doing the show when they don't want to do it. Howard said it sounds like Artie is very conflicted and maybe he shouldn't do this show.
Artie said that they're offering him a lot of money to do this show though. He said that's what's screwing him up on this whole thing. Howard said he didn't always make such a great living and he would turn things down. He said he was offered projects that were worth a lot of money and he had to turn them down. He said he turned down movies, TV shows and other stuff.
Howard said he's not sure how to respond to this. Artie asked him if he would watch a pilot they shot. Howard said he wouldn't want to see that because he really doesn't know that they're looking to do with Artie. He said this Brooke Hogan does her show and she seems to do it effortlessly. Howard said it's really up to Artie.
Artie said that maybe he should be the guy who doesn't have the t-shirt out and not do the reality show. Howard said he doesn't know enough about it to tell him what to do. He told Artie to do what's good for him.
Artie said he really doesn't have full control over this show and Howard is right, he's not sure what they want to do with him either.
A caller told Artie to lay off and not do this show. He said it sounds like a nightmare for him. The caller said it sounds like they're pushing for him to fuck up and he doesn't need that. Artie sounded like he agreed with him on that.
Another caller said that the only thing that would make Artie interesting is if he was a train wreck. He told Artie that he's turning stale and he'd have to come up with some new outrageous stuff for this show. Howard said the caller might have a point.
Another caller said Artie was out in Cleveland recently and it was great to see him but she doesn't think it would be good for his DVD. She said that Dice's reality show wasn't good. She said that's what this would remind her of. Artie said she's got a point. Another caller said the same thing about Dice's show because that was pathetic.
Howard said it could be a big hit but he really has to sit down with the producers an talk about it. Another caller asked when this turned into the Artie Lange Show and told him to shut up and let Howard talk. Artie said he just asked Howard a question. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa said they have a story about a dance music act called Balerno and they have a song called O-Qua Tangin Wann as a tribute to Riley Martin. Howard asked Lisa if she had the song with her. She said she gave it to Gary. Gary didn't have it available to play so he and Howard went back and forth on that a little bit. Lisa said they sampled Riley for this techno song. Howard did have the song so he played it.
In the song you can barely hear Riley, but he is there. Howard said that it might be set up as a trippy thing that you hear when you're high. Artie said that music works when you're on ecstasy but when you're straight it sucks.
Howard said he was working on some techno songs with his old Bar Mitzvah tapes. He played a song that was created as a techno song with his Bar Mitzvah tapes. Howard said it's currently number one at Bar Mitzvah's.
Lisa said that when you sample someone you should be paying royalties. They say there are no profits yet but they will pay Riley if they do make money on the song.
Lisa said they have a story about a guy who is using a modified Jokemaster Jr. to help kids who are disabled. The kids are able to blink and eye or wiggle a toe to hear the jokes on the device. The guy travels around with this thing and they plug the Jokemaster into a PA system so the kids can tell jokes over the school PA system.
Robin tried and didn't smell anything. Artie said he smells like pork roll and eggs. He said he actually didn't smell anything.
Howard read that you should scrape the back of your tongue with a spoon and see how that smells. Howard tried that as well. He said he didn't have a spoon but he did have a plastic knife. Howard didn't smell anything on that either.
Robin said maybe his nose doesn't work. Howard said his nose works fine. Artie tried the scraping thing on the back of the tongue. He said it didn't really smell like anything. Artie said that he's never been told he has bad breath but maybe people just don't tell him. Howard said he's never smelled Artie's breath.
Fred tried looking up this ''imprecatory prayer'' that the guy was talking about. Artie thought he knew what it was and explained it to them. Fred said that it was praying that you want something to happen to another person and praying that they die. Howard said he's done that before. He has prayed that people die or get cancer in the past. Howard said he was serious about it of course.
Artie said Howard used to do that to Arsenio Hall many years ago. He would pray that he would get AIDS and things like that. Howard said he didn't know there was a name for that kind of prayer.
Howard played more audio of this guy talking about the prayer and how he had run into people who didn't even know what it was.
Howard said the prayer doesn't work because he has prayed for people to die and they're all still alive. Artie said that the guy is basically asking God to be his hit man.
Howard asked Richard about this place he found that he can eat all day. Richard said that it's not all you can eat. He said you order a meal for like 10 bucks and it's all you can drink. He said he sat there for six hours.
Richard said he's been going to this place for quite a few weekends lately. He said they actually finished all of their champagne so the place and to make a champagne run. Howard said Richard is going to run them out of business.
Richard said that they do have a limit but they know the bartender there. He said the limit is like an hour and they know the guy so they just hang out for like 6 hours.
Richard said he drinks ''manmosas'' which are Mimosas in a beer mug. Howard asked how much champagne he drank. Richard guessed it was like 5 or 6 bottles. He said it was cheap stuff though.
Howard said Richard is what he would call a schnurer. Richard said he's a good customer and a good businessman. Richard said he's drinking all he can for 10 bucks.
Howard said Richard is an alcoholic in his opinion. Howard said that if you pack your bags with alcohol when you go on a train trip then you're an alcoholic.
Howard asked Richard if he drinks every day of the week. Richard said he didn't have anything last night. He said an alcoholic is the kind of person whose life is controlled by alcohol. He said he's not like that.
Gary said Richard was removed from an airplane in a wheelchair once because he was too drunk to walk. Richard said that was just once.
Howard said that Richard seems to have given up on his weight. Richard said it's hard to keep that belly under control. He said he's been walking in the stairs at his apartment to stay in shape.
Howard said Richard's head was sweating really bad yesterday at the movie they saw. He said he told Richard that maybe he should shower because of the sweat. Richard said he was too tired to do that last night. Howard said he loves to shower even if he is tired.
Artie told Richard that the definition of an alcoholic is a guy who drinks and it drastically changes your personality. He said Richard clearly does that at least twice a week. He said he believes that Richard is an alcoholic.
Howard asked what the name of this place is. Richard said it's Lucky Mojo's in Long Island City. Richard said he lives in that area so he knows the place. Richard said he used to have to go to 9th Ave for an all you can eat breakfast but he thinks he was banned from that place.
A couple of callers said that Richard is an alcoholic because he binge drinks when he does drink. He may not drink every day but when he does drink, he binge drinks.
Howard said Richard's personality does drastically change so he might be an alcoholic. Artie said he used to drink with his friends and he once fell asleep inside one of those basketball games they have in bars. He said that's an alcoholic. He said pissing in plants, taking your shirt off at parties and yelling out is an alcoholic.
Richard said he's not really denying that. He said he walked out of that brunch and he was fine. Richard said that Howard drinks a lot on the weekend now too. Howard said that between the two of them they only drink one bottle of wine though.
Howard played some audio of Richard leaving a voice mail for Will Murray one time when he was drunk. Richard was out on the street taking a piss and describing it all to Will.
Richard said he went out on a booze cruise that night and threw chairs off the boat. Howard said that's the kind of behavior he's talking about. He shouldn't be throwing that stuff off of boats. Howard said Will must have loved those voice mails. Richard said that Will did seem to enjoy them.
Howard said Richard comes off kind of gay in that clip and he doesn't think he's ever said that he loves a hairless body when he's been drunk. Richard said he was trying to be goofy and funny. Howard said he got the goofy part but maybe not the funny part.
Howard thanked Richard for that. Richard said he was thinking about something the other day. He said that Brian Phalen has never gotten naked on the show in the 12 years he's been there. He said he thinks that would be funny. Richard said he mentioned it to Brian and he didn't seem like he wanted to do it. Howard asked Brian if he wanted to come in and get naked.
The guys weren't sure why Richard was pushing for a guy to get naked on the show. Brian came in and said that this guy (Richard) is fucked up. He said the night of the film festival Richard as chasing him around all night saying he wanted to fuck him. Richard said he thinks that Brian is cuddly and he'd be fun to hug. Brian said that Richard does hug him a lot.
Richard hugged Brian and told Howard he should try it. Howard wasn't interested. Gary said that Richard sent him an email the other day and he sent him a gay calendar picture of a guy that looked like Brian.
Richard said they have this guy on this MTV show called True Life and the guy is 500 pounds and gay and he has all kinds of guys flying in to meet him. He said that's where he got the picture from. Howard saw the picture that he was talking about and it did look a little bit like Brian. Brian said Richard is strange.
Howard asked Richard what he weighs. He said he's about 215. Brian said he's like 250-260. Howard said everyone there is getting big. Richard said it's tough working the hours they work. Artie said he's down to about 230.
Artie said that the schedule out on the road is tough because you eat like shit. He said he's been playing hoops and stuff and he's lost 65 pounds. Howard said Jason is pushing 300 now. He said that everyone there is a fat ass.
Jason came in and said that he's not 300 but he's close. Howard had him get on the scale to find out for sure. Jason weighed in at 289. Howard said someone told him he thought Jason was over 300.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he might be like Richard and maybe they should send Richard to a lab and find out if he's got liver problems and stuff.
Another caller said a few years ago he went to a psychiatrist who told him that there are many definitions of an alcoholic and it sounds like Richard is one. Richard said he might be an alcoholic. Howard said he's worried about Richard. He said he needs to pull himself together.
Robin was going off on Richard so he pointed out he was taking this from a woman who puts coffee up her butt hole.
Richard told Howard about how Sal has been smoking those fake cigarettes. He said that Sal has gone crazy with those things. Howard said he heard they're banning those things. Richard said they were telling Sal that they were dangerous and Sal just took a puff off the thing and said he'd have to check into it.
Howard told Richard that he can't have more than 2 drinks a day. Richard said he'll just save it up for the weekend. Howard told him to stick to just 2 and no more. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked Fred if that was Metallica. Fred confirmed it. Howard said he didn't know they covered that song. Howard said he was diggin' it and was all caught up in listening. He stayed quiet through most of the song. Artie said he loves that version too. He takes it out on the road with him.
Howard said he had a Homeless Game to play. He got a guy, Jim, on the line to play for a $500 prize courtesy of ManGroomer.com. That led to Howard talking about shaving down his bush so his button penis can look bigger. Howard said his penis is pretty small but it changes throughout the day. Howard said the hair is usually longer than the shaft. Howard said he never touches his penis with his hands. He is able to get it to come out. He said he holds it up with his underpants so he doesn't have to touch it with his hands.
Howard got to the game and told Jim he had to get 3 out of 5 correct to win. He gave him a practice question first. The question was ''How many days are there in July?'' The homeless guy said 28.
Howard played the first question for the guy and started the game. He'd play the question and the caller had to guess if the guy was going to answer correctly.
Howard talked about Ed's career and how he was pretty good with Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show. Howard said he knew when to lay back and when to come in and work with Johnny. Howard said the guy was terrific and the job wasn't as simple as you'd think it was. Howard said stuttering John went off to be the announcer on the Tonight Show and Jay Leno never responded to him like Johnny did with Ed.
Howard said that Ed was worth like $80 million at one point but all of that went away and he was apparently bankrupt at the end.
Howard said that Ed was also a military hero and hosted Star Search. Howard said that it was interesting that he lost all of that money that he had. Howard said the guy may have made some bad investments and he also had a bunch of wives.
Howard said he wonders if he left any money behind when he died. He had a young wife and a young kid too. Howard said he thinks that he had one kid that died. Howard said he's not sure about that.
Artie said McMahon was great with people like Don Rickles on the Tonight Show. He said he was really good at what he did. Howard said he was no big fan of Johnny's and he considered Ed the luckiest man in show business.
Howard and Artie gave their quick tributes to the guy and said that he will be missed. Howard did a ''hey ohhh'' and Fred played the Tonight Show theme song and the body falling clip again.
Howard asked Gary if Joan was there yet. Gary said she wasn't yet. Howard said Joan was on the Tonight Show quite a bit years ago. She was the permanent guest host and she'd get higher ratings than even Johnny was getting. Howard said it looked like she could have taken over the Tonight Show but she took a show over at FOX and that didn't work out too well.
Howard said this flying car can fly at over 115 kilometers per hour. Howard wasn't sure how fast that was. Artie said that must be around 60-80 or so. Howard said that they should make sure that people who fly these things aren't high school kids.
Howard read about this flying car and said it looks like you'd have to learn how to fly. He wants it to work just like a car. Robin said he'd need that hovercraft then. Howard said he wants to be able to just float down instead of crashing down.
Howard read an email about Bobo always calling in with Beth questions. Howard said that he does that because he knows he'll get on the air with a question like that.
Howard said he thought that it was Ed McMahon's head she was carrying. Joan didn't know that he had died. Howard asked her what she thought about that. Joan said that Ed was the only one who treated her right when Johnny was treating her like a shit. She said that Ed was a lovely man.
Howard said that Joan was great on the Tonight Show and she got bigger ratings than Johnny did. Howard said she would have replaced Johnny if she hadn't gone to FOX. Joan said that she wasn't on the list of people to replace Johnny so that's why she went to FOX.
Howard said that Ed McMahon was man enough to come up to her and tell her that he didn't feel the way about her that Johnny did. Joan said that Johnny was a killer and he got what he got because of that.
Howard asked Joan if she believes that Ed was worth $80 million at one point. Joan said that he was marrying hot chick after hot chick so that didn't help him keep the money. Howard asked if Ed ever came on to her. Joan said that even her own husband didn't come on to her.
Joan said she just got dumped last Sunday by a 75 year old man. Howard said he thinks that Joan looks great for her age. He said he was just talking to Letterman about that when he was on recently. Howard said Dave even said that she looked good. Howard asked why Dave won't have Joan on the show. Joan wasn't sure.
Joan said that she was on Celebrity Apprentice and she won, and didn't get anything. She said that the money went to charity.
Howard asked Joan about her financial troubles. Joan said that she is kind of in trouble. She said she lives very high and spends a lot of money on her apartment and her wardrobe and things like that. Joan said she's selling her apartment and asking $25 million. She said she's looking for a foreigner that doesn't know it's not worth that kind of money. Joan said that there has to be a rich Russian out there that will pay that kind of money.
Joan said that she wants to do half and half living in New York and Los Angeles. Joan said she wants to get a small place in New York and a small place out in L.A.
Howard asked Joan if she's over extended. Joan said she has a house in Connecticut and she has help working there while she's not even there.
Joan mentioned that she was out in L.A. to teach her grandson how to be Jewish. Howard said that he heard that the kid was saying some anti-Semitic things to her and that's why she was doing that. Joan got some laughs out of the stuff Howard was saying the kid was saying to her.
Joan said that Melissa might be adopting another child and the kid may be from a pigmy tribe or one of those tribes that clicks to talk. She said every time the kid talks the garage door opens. She was trying to make that clicking sound but it didn't seem to be working very well.
Howard asked Joan about being dumped last week. Joan said that she can't believe this guy dumped her at her age. She said that they had some amazing dinners together and they really had some chemistry.
Howard asked Joan if she has a full time nurse now. She said she does and she sleeps at the foot of her bed. She said that's just not true but Howard said he heard it's true. Howard said he heard that she has to inject her with Botox every 8 hours.
Howard asked about this guy she was dating. She went out to dinner a couple of times but hadn't had sex yet. Joan said that they didn't have sex but he did get her top off in the restaurant. Joan said she was delayed in getting home recently and she called the guy to let him know and he was very cold on the phone. Joan said she was so taken back that she got off the phone quickly. She said that she had asked him if he wanted to have coffee and he told her no. She said that he turned into a big asshole. Howard asked Joan if she's lonely. She said she's only lonely when she's having an MRI.
Howard asked Joan about this Celebrity Apprentice show. Joan said that she did it so Melissa would have to live with her for 5 weeks. She said that was great. Joan said that she loves challenges too and that's what the show was all about. She said she had a great time with those challenges.
Howard asked Joan about calling some of the other celebrities names and stuff like that. Howard said that they were playing a game so maybe Joan shouldn't have gotten so upset. Joan said that you don't turn people against each other and that's what this one woman was doing on the show.
Howard got back to the guy that Joan was dating and said it seems like she's really upset about this one. Joan said she really is. She said they were getting along so well that she's surprised at what happened.
Howard asked Joan how much she's lost in this down economy. Joan said that they've all lost but she lost a lot. She said that she lost half. Howard asked if that's why this 75 year old guy dumped her. Joan said it was that and the fact that she was going through his wallet.
Howard said Joan is selling her apartment because of this. She said that she was told she can't live half and half without getting rid of that apartment. She said she hasn't been able to sell the house in Connecticut. She said she's had it on the market for a year and not one person has come out to see it.
Howard said that Comedy Central is going to roast Joan. Howard asked if she can take that. Joan said she's fine with it. She said Kathy Griffin will be roasting her. Howard asked what is off limits for her. Joan said that she hasn't said anything is off limits. Joan said it's all in there. Howard asked if Melissa will be okay to goof on. She said that she won't be there so that isn't okay.
Joan asked Howard and Robin if they wanted to come. Howard said Artie would do the roast... but he was asleep in his chair.
Howard got back to Joan and gave her some plugs for some comedy shows and stuff that Joan is working on. You can find out more about that at SpinCycleNYC.com.
Howard said that a lot of people don't know that Joan's father was going to commit her to a psych ward because she wanted to be a stand-up comedian. Howard said that women back then didn't do comedy.
Howard asked Joan about working with Lenny Bruce and Joan talked about how sexy of a man he was. She said that he was always high on heroin though.
Howard asked Joan about going out to Vegas to do some shows. Joan said that they never book her out there. She said she's a big star over in England but she never gets anything in Vegas. She said that she needs the younger audience than the people out there in Vegas. She said she is doing the Venetian Hotel in Vegas in August and September.
Ralph called in and said that Joan was great on The Celebrity Apprentice. He said that she had some great melt downs and she had an amazing amount of energy. Robin said that's why she slept through Howard's wedding. Joan said she didn't sleep through it.
Howard talked to Joan about Melissa and pointed out that Joan made her get a nose job at 18. Joan said that she really needed that nose job. Howard asked Joan if she would save Melissa or her grandson Cooper if she was faced with a Sophie's Choice type of thing. Joan said she didn't know what she would do. She thinks that Melissa would make her take her son. She said that she would probably take Melissa but she does adore Cooper.
Howard gave Joan some more plugs for her TV show ''How'd You Get So Rich'' that will be airing on TV Land soon. Howard said that he's looking forward to that and to her roast on Comedy Central. They had to got to break after that.
Howard came back and said that he was reading an article about Gary being quoted in an article about why he's not on the iPhone app. It turns out he's quoting a fake Gary from a fake Twitter account. Howard said that the author is being scammed by some kid out there. Howard said this article is on Orbitcast.com.
Gary came in and said that he doesn't even understand what the guy is saying in the quote. Howard read the article where they claim that Howard's channels aren't on iPhone because of a contract conflict with the In Demand thing.
Gary said that he got an email from the guy this morning asking if that was him being quoted. Gary said that wasn't him and the guy wrote back ''Fuck!''
Gary said that he didn't even do that and he was catching shit for it. Howard said Gary's fake twitters are making more news than Gary does.
Artie said he was driving through the city yesterday and saw guys working hard on buildings and stuff and wondered if they care that people like Paris Hilton are twittering.
Howard read an article about a new Leonardo Davinci painting that was discovered in the wall of a house that was a half naked Mona Lisa. Howard said that she wasn't an attractive woman if that painting is close to what she looked like. Howard said it looked like a guy or like they were fake tits. Artie said maybe it was based on a dude.
Artie told Howard that this band J-Rad are fans of the show. He heard that Eric called the band and asked for help making them think that he was a major part of the show. They actually put him up at a hotel and offered to do a benefit show for him. Artie said he made them think that he was a bigger part of the show than he is. Artie said they're fans but don't listen that often. They thought Eric worked there.
Artie said he thinks that Eric needs supervision. Steve said Eric was seen camped outside of a cafe with his pets in a pedicab. Steve said that Eric claims he was staying in a hotel. Steve said he's also always got food around him so he doesn't seem to have a problem with that.
Steve said they have a story about Rob Eshman's article about Howard and some other guys like Woody Allen and Larry David. Howard said he wants to read the article that Steve was talking about. He said this guy Eshman seems to have him figured out.
Howard got the article and read through that. He said he's not sure what his real issues are. He said he just can't figure out why he's like the way he is.
Artie told Howard that since he got out of his haze he's been thinking about calling Howard and asking him how he's doing. He said that's what Howard did for him and that's what he wants to do back for him. Howard thanked him for that but didn't seem interested. Artie said that he figured Howard would just laugh at him if he did that.
High Pitch Eric called in and asked what Artie said about him before. Howard said he was trying to figure out if he was retarded. Eric said he's not retarded. He said that he didn't con anyone out of anything with that benefit. Eric said that he wanted to thank the band for doing the benefit.
Howard asked Eric if he's sleeping on the street. Eric said he was out in the park and Ivy Supersonic came and visited him. He said that he was sleeping in a pedicab too. Howard said he can't just live outside. Eric said he has some friends looking for a place for him to live. He said he can afford $360 a month so that's what they're trying to find.
Eric told Howard that he got a job offer when he was on Superfan Roundtable last week but Howard didn't understand what he was saying so he did an impression of what he had just said.
Gary came in and said that he has zero compassion for Eric. He said that Eric knows what he's doing and he gets a check every month. He said that Eric has better mental capacity than Gary the Retard does but he doesn't keep his jobs.
Gary said Eric had a job cleaning cars and he ended up going to Las Vegas to do a reality show and quit. Then he called a bomb threat on the Opie and Anthony show one time and got fired from the job he had at the airport.
Eric said he has been cut off from his father because he's busy taking care of his sick mother. Gary said that Eric could get a job at McDonald's or something and that would help him make money but he doesn't seem to be interested in that. Eric said he got fired from a job because of the credit card fraud thing. Gary said he gets fired because of stuff he does. He just needs not to do stupid stuff and he could keep a job.
Gary said Eric started to pay back this guy he ripped off years ago and it seems like it never stops with the scams. Gary said he's capable of getting a job but he won't do it.
Eric said he's looking for a job and he's willing to do anything. He said that there are people who are willing to give him a job so he's hoping to have one soon. Eric said that the Howard TV guys can follow him around if he wants.
Ralph called in and said that Eric is a thinker and he needs a more challenging job than he's getting. The guy can get things done and he could channel that into work. Howard said he may be giving him too much credit.
Howard asked Eric what letter comes after F. Eric said it was G so Howard figured he was pretty bright. Irish John called in and said that Eric doesn't think about consequences and the magnitude of what's going on. He said he needs someone to guide him and help him out. John said that Eric was a great roommate when he had him living with him but now he has a daughter and he can't do that now.
Howard asked if John thinks that Eric is retarded. John said he's not retarded, he just needs guidance from someone. John said that a bunch of them are trying to help Eric out lately. Eric said he has a lot of people trying to help him out. Howard did an impression of Eric talking on the phone mumbling. Eric still had a cell phone on him. He was able to keep that working.
Artie said he could get Eric a job in construction. He said he could do that in 2 seconds. He told Eric to let him know about that.
Steve said that there's a new web site for Robin called RobinsPendulousBreasts.com and the site RobinsWrong.com is up for sale.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. Jon ran down the list of subjects they were going to try and discuss today.
Robin read a story about Megan Fox turning down a kid who wanted to get an autograph. It turns out the kid wanted to hand her a yellow rose. Robin said she has come out and apologized for that. Megan said she would never do that to a person. Robin had some audio of Megan talking about working in Transformers and how it's changed her career.
Robin read that Farrah Fawcett is back in the hospital. She's been battling anal cancer for a couple of years now.
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to talk about what Howard was saying about Iran this morning. The guy said he's surprised that Fred didn't jump in this morning. The guy gave Howard some history lessons on that but Fred corrected him about that saying that he was confusing Iraq and Iran. Howard didn't understand what the guy was saying because he was all over the place. He said he didn't want to go over it all again anyway.
Robin got back to her news and read some stuff about Chris Brown and Rihanna. She had some of Chris Brown's music and talked about the plea bargain he took. Howard went over some of what he was saying earlier in the morning. He said that the columnist in the Post was saying what he was saying this morning too. Howard didn't get why the judge would be complimenting Brown on fessing up to his crime.
Robin read a story about this ''Jon and Kate Plus 8'' show and how she's very interested in it now that they're splitting up after 10 years of marriage. Robin said they filed for divorce on Monday. Howard said that he doesn't watch the show but they're one of these couples that took fertility drugs and had a litter of kids. He said that they have so much pressure on them that they're breaking up now. Howard said that Kate became glamorous and Jon got a little famous and he may have had a girlfriend and she may have a boyfriend from what he heard so that's the most interesting things about them. Robin said that's why she got interested in it.
Robin had some audio from the TV show where Jon and Kate announced that they were separating. Howard asked how old the kids were. Robin said that the six are 5 and the twins are a little older. She wasn't sure what the age was. Howard asked if the show is going to continue. Gary said Jon Hein said that it will continue.
Robin read about Ed McMahon's death and that led to Howard talking about how all of the hosts of the Tonight Show so far have been shitheads. He said that Steve Allen was a shit head and wrote a song about anything. He said it went to Jack Parr who was a complete lunatic. Howard said that guy was a complete neurotic. Then Johnny came in and then Jay Leno who was a complete bizarro. Artie said that guy is really odd and he might be the oddest.
Howard said he's worried about Conan. He said he's a nice guy now and he may need more time to develop into a shithead.
Robin read about the Ed McMahon death and had some audio of some of his friends talking about his health problems.
Robin read about Steve Jobs' liver transplant and how they were expecting him back at Apple in the next 10 days. They're saying that Jobs has been spotted back at Apple as of yesterday. Robin said that they have sold over 1 million copies of their new iPhone since it came out. Robin said that they've got another hit.
Robin read some news about Brett Favre signing on with the Minnesota Vikings for the 2009 season. That led to Artie talking about why this is a big deal. He said it's like a Yankee going to the Red Sox. He said the Green Bay Packers hate that kind of thing and it's a big fuck you to the team.
Robin read about Perez Hilton being punched at an awards show by someone he claims was the Black Eyed Peas' manager. She had some audio of him talking about that on a personal blog.
Robin read some news about the unrest going on over in Iran. She had some audio clips of people talking about that.
Ralph called in and said that Brett Favre did talk about going to the Vikings when he was on Joe Buck. He thought that they kind of glossed over it because of the whole Artie thing though. Artie said that he wasn't even there for that part of the show. Artie said Joe Buck wanted Favre to come out and just say that he was definitely going to play for them and he didn't get that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he loves the show but, he disagrees with him about the Iran thing. He said that he's wrong about Iran and Israel. The guy argued that there are always religious people out there who get into power. Howard and the caller went back and forth on that subject for a few minutes. The caller also told Howard about the Palestinians and how they were there when Israel was founded. Howard said they didn't exist before then. Howard ended up hanging up on the guy saying that he didn't want to argue this stuff anymore. He and the guys spent a short time talking about who the Palestinians really were. Howard said they were rejects from the other Arab countries. Howard said whatever he told that guy was the truth and he's not sure what he's arguing with him about.
Robin read about the train crash down in Washington DC. She had some audio of some NTSB people talking about what they'd be looking at to figure out what happened.
Robin had some audio of a little kid talking about working in a movie. Howard said he hopes she doesn't end up like Lindsay Lohan. Robin asked if he thinks that she's going to grow up to be cute like her. Howard wasn't familiar with this kid. Artie said she was the one from ''Little Miss Sunshine.'' Howard didn't remember what she looked like.
Robin read some news about the U.S. Open and the winner of that. She ended on that story. Howard ended the show around 10:20am.
Richard came in and said that he's happy they get to talk more about stuff they've never talked about before, his drinking and gayness. Artie came in too.
Richard said that he hasn't had a problem with drinking. He said it's just fun for him. He said he's doing his thing and enjoying his life.
Artie said that Richard's face is turning more red and he's changing for the worse because of the drinking. Gary asked Richard if he's ever missed a day because of drinking. Richard said no to that and to a bunch of other things. He said that it doesn't affect his life at all. He doesn't miss gigs or work or anything like that.
Artie said that it is affecting his work somehow. He said that it could affect him getting another job when he leaves the Stern Show. He said that it might be hurting his girlfriend too. Artie said he knows he sounds like a preacher and he's fucked up a lot but he knows that being wheeled in a wheelchair in an airport does affect your life.
Gary asked Artie if Richard in a wheelchair or licking Sal's taint was worse. Artie said he did that licking thing for fun. The wheelchair thing is an alcoholic problem. He said it doesn't mean he has to stop drinking but he has to admit that he's an alcoholic.
Artie said he loves Richard and he loves that he can write music but the alcohol isn't helping his life. Artie said he knows it sounds funny coming from him though. Artie even said that Richard is a ''man's man'' which surprised Gary.
The guys also talked about Richard's gay calls to Will. The gay stuff was discussed for a few minutes too. Gary said it was very strange when Richard was talking about how cuddly Brian Phalen was. Richard said there's something about hugging something big and fluffy like Brian is.
Jon played a clip from the segment where Howard was talking to Richard about not drinking more than two drinks.
Richard said that would be really tough. He said he can't not drink. He said that he has to drink when he goes out to a bar or something. Artie said that it's really tough and it takes will power but it can be done.
Artie was lecturing Richard on all of that stuff and Richard said that he doesn't get drunk around them that much. He said it's only been a handful of times. Gary said that Richard would be the office drunk though if he was working in an office.
Jim McClure was talking about being out with Richard when he's drinking and he really doesn't get belligerent or anything. Jim said that he's very nice but he does believe he has a problem.
Artie said that he wasn't trying to be funny there and asked the guys if they think that Richard has homosexual tendencies. Gary said no. He said that Richard may do that stuff with Sal but he's probably just playing around.
Artie said that his buddy Kamal told him that Richard grabbed his ass and bothered him all night one night. He said Kamal wanted to kick his ass that night too.
Artie said that if Richard is drunk and some guy goes in to kiss him, do they think that Richard would go for it. Gary said he thinks that he might.
Jon Hein said he thinks that he does have gay tendencies. He said that Richard may think it's goofy and fun and not homo erotic or anything. He said he might tongue a guy but it wouldn't be because he's gay, but maybe a little bit because of that. He said he thinks he's 98 percent straight and 2 percent homo.
Jared Fox came in and told the guys he bartend's and Richard has come to his bar before. Richard said he makes a great ''Flirtini.'' That led to Artie asking how he even lets that word come out of his mouth. Artie said that's gay and Richard is really a drunk gay guy.
Jared said that he used to go through 4 bottles of champagne with Richard and his girlfriend. That was after mixing drinks. It's not just straight champagne. Jared said that's pretty unreal.
Artie told Richard that he was a ''leg warmer wearing Richard Simmons'' after hearing some of the drinks that he was drinking with his girlfriend. Richard said he had one of those drinks at this place called Whim one time. That's how he found out about it.
Richard said he takes all of this to heart but he thinks that drinking is fun and that's why he does it.
Artie went into one of his stories about being locked up with some crackheads and how they tried to get them off of crack by playing Scrabble. Artie said that it just wasn't the same thing as doing coke. Artie said that he had to do some drastic stuff to get off of heroin and it's still working 3 months later. He said that it's not easy though.
Gary said he did a google search on ''Flirtini'' and it was created and featured on an episode of ''Sex and the City.'' Artie said he could go somewhere with that but he was going to hold back and not go crazy with it. Gary said that it was the Season 3 finale of the show that they featured that in. Jared said he has never made it for anyone other than Richard.
Jon said that Sal is hooked on those things and Sal is smoking them in the car on the way home every day. He said Sal says he's fine and not addicted to them. Gary said that he loves to smoke them in inappropriate places and loves to show it off. Richard said Sal is the best salesman because he loves telling people about it.
Artie said that there's a guy with a great joke about a guy who used to drive around drinking an O'Douls fake beer in front of police stations just to get pulled over so he could give the cops a hard time.
Jon asked Artie if he's going to do the reality show or not. Artie said he's really not sure yet. He said he'll make sure he lets them know. He had to run out after that.
Gary said he was reading about these fake cigarettes and how the FDA isn't sure if they're safe or not. Richard said that Sal looks really cocky when he smokes the fake things and he's so proud that they're fake.
Gary said they weren't halting sales of the things yet but they are stopping the import of the liquid nicotine. That's why Sal has been Howarding as much of the liquid nicotine that he can. Jon told Sal to get down there so they can talk to him about that.
A caller told Artie that all he needs to do is have a baby and he'll never touch another drug again. Artie was already gone so Gary did an impression of him and thanked the guy for the advice.
Gary read more about the fake cigarettes and said that they don't even know what the side effects are. Sal showed up too and said that he is addicted to those things. Sal said that the nicotine is addictive but you don't get all of the other nasty stuff in real cigarettes. Sal said they sell nicotine patches and gum so this stuff can't be that bad.
Sal asked Gary to feel the bottle of ''E-Smoke'' that he uses. He said that the stuff is poison and you're supposed to wash your hands if you touch it. He said that he's actually started ''smoking'' this stuff more than cigarettes.
Gary asked Sal if he runs out of that stuff and smokes a regular cigarette. Sal said that is what he does. Gary said that Ronnie Specter used to smoke with a patch on and that's the worst thing you can do. Sal said that he will smoke those things as long as he can but the batteries run out. He said that they're about 60 bucks a piece and they're made by Enpro. He asked the company to send him some batteries and refills.
Sal said he's even on a blog where they discuss this stuff. He said they discuss the pull of the cigarettes and which ones are the best to use and stuff like that.
Sal said that he's wiling to promote this stuff for any company that wants him to as long as they supply him with the smoke juice. Gary said that he was reading about some side effects that you can get and they can make you sick. Sal said he's had some problems overloading the stuff. He said he double doses his e-cigarette. He said he can get a little numb doing that.
Gary said that you can overdose on nicotine and Sal is on the road to doing that. He said that if he keeps doing that and upping the amount he smokes, he could overdose.
Sal said there's nothing out there saying that those things are dangerous. Benjy said that's the same thing they said about real cigarettes for the first 60 years.
A caller said that Sal is addicted and Richard is compulsive with his drinking too. The guy asked how much is too much for Richard to drink. Richard said that when you puke it's too much. Richard said that he hasn't thrown up in the last year. Sal corrected him and said that he was wasted one night in Oswego. Richard said ''Oh yeah...''
The caller asked Richard if he has ever missed work because of drinking. Richard said he hasn't. Gary said they asked him about that earlier. The guy said that it's all going to add up down the road.
Richard said he's still enjoying drinking and there's no reason for him to stop. He said he's convinced that it won't get in the way of anything important. He said he won't drink when he's recording his album. He said he's sorry but he enjoys drinking.
Richard said he enjoys drinking PBRs on a Friday night with his buddies. He said he'll drink about 15 in a night.
Benjy said he knows that Richard wants to use his brain to be more creative and drinking can kill off brain cells. He said that might be damaging Richard's brain. Richard said he knows that and he's seen brain scans of alcoholic's brains and there are black spots on them.
Another caller said that Greta Van Susteren's pitch was 10 times better than Gary's was. Gary said he'll have to check that out. The caller also thought that Richard would do gay stuff if he was asked to. Richard said he would never do anything like that. He said that he never looked at him naked when he was staying with him or anything like that.
Sal said that Richard had tongued Joey Boots one time. Richard said they just touched tongues one night at a comedy show. He said it wasn't a kiss.
Sal and Benjy had stories to tell but they were asked not to name names. Sal said that he heard Richard banging a girl in a room next to him years ago and he jerked off listening to them. Sal said he also beat off to the back of a porn DVD when he didn't have a DVD player to use.
Will came in and told a story about Richard. He said that this girl had come home with Richard when he was living with him. He said he saw Richard getting a blow job in his bed after he had passed out. Will said he closed his eyes and heard Richard say ''Should I come on your tits or in your mouth?''' and then heard him moaning. Richard said Howard told him that he should have come on Will's back as a prank instead.
Jon asked Will about Richard and if he thinks he's gay. Will said he thinks it's just a joke with Richard. He said he's an artist.
Benjy asked Richard why he was in will's bed if there were three rooms in the apartment. Richard said he didn't remember why. Will said he just wanted it to go away so he just pretended to be asleep.
A caller told Sal that the stuff in the e-cigarettes are safe from what he knows. He said that he doesn't blame Sal for doing what he does. Sal agreed with the guy and thought that he knew what was in the juice that goes into those things.
Another caller said that he did some research on the e-cigarettes and he found out that congress was talking about getting rid of them. He said that they may have been doing that because of the tobacco companies trying to stop them from being used.
Another caller said that he does home brewing and there are people who do go out and have two drinks after work every day. He said that they're being really rough on Richard. Gary said that Richard isn't drinking just two drinks, he gets blasted when he drinks. The caller said he gets annoyed when he hears them hassling Richard about this stuff.
The caller said he didn't even know what he was saying but he told Richard not to listen to them and to keep doing what he's doing and not listen to them.
Sal and Richard were talking about wine and home brewing and stuff like that. Richard and Sal went out to Sonoma not too long ago and they were drinking a ton of wine out there. Sal said you can get wasted on great wine for like 4 bucks a day out there.
A caller said that Sal is a retard. He said that he can't believe how stupid he is and thinking that he's better than every black man out there. The guy said that he's so stupid that he hopes he dies. Sal asked why he's an idiot. The caller was going off on Sal about the stuff he's said in the past but he said he was doing that because it took him a year to get through on the phones.
The caller said he'd like to be banging his wife as her emotional friend. Sal said that this stupid guy is working for the Stern Show and fucking that hot chick so he must not be that stupid. His cell phone started to cut out so Sal said it was probably a stolen phone.
Jon took a call from this guy Andy Milder who is one of the stars on ''Weeds.'' Andy said that the stunts that Richard does on the show are stunts that straight people just don't do. Gary asked Andy if a straight guy can tongue kiss a guy in a play twice a day doing a play. Andy said he thinks that he could. Gary said that's what Richard's argument is. Andy said that when you do a play the actors don't come up with the idea on their own. That's what Richard is doing.
Andy said that Sal is also racist but he's not an outright racist like Daniel Carver is. He said that Sal has some stuff in his head that makes him racist. Sal said that racism is wrong but he thinks that racial comedy can be funny. He said that they can have some fun with that kind of stuff. He said that's all he's doing.
Gary said he's going to nominate Sal for a Nobel. He said that he's such a great person. Sal said black people are entertaining and he finds that they have a certain charisma about them. Gary asked Sal if he knows what he's saying. Sal said that black people in general have a certain charisma and that's just a fact. He said he's complimenting them. Andy said he had just won his argument hearing Sal saying all of this.
Sal was saying that white people wish they could do what black people can and ''god bless the blacks.'' Sal said he was just complementing them and there are truths to stereotypes. He said that's just the way it is.
Sal said that when you go into a Chinese restaurant you know you're going to see a guy named Mr. Kim behind the counter. He said that's just a fact and a stereotype that's true.
Benjy said that Sal isn't that far off in his opinion. Gary said that all Jews are cheap then. He said that he was qualifying what Sal was saying so that's one of those stereotypes that Sal is going to confirm. Sal said that not all of them are cheap, just some.
Sal said he doesn't say things in a hateful way, he only uses them in a joke because he's making it funny and not doing it in a hateful way. Jon had to take a break a short time later.
Jon asked how you can tell someone that they have bad breath. Sal said he knows how, you say ''Dan, you're fired.''
Gary said they had a suggestion box back at K-Rock that they used and people could use it anonymously. That's one way you could tell someone they have bad breath. Gary said that they used to do that years ago and they talked about someone on the air. That was JD that used to have the problem. Gary said he's not sure how they decided to talk to him about it but that's what Jason ended up doing.
A caller asked what happened with Megan Fox. Gary said he put in a request for her but he thinks that she may come in for another movie she has coming out in a few months. He said she'll need more help for that than she will for Transformers.
The caller said they have to get Bruno (Sacha Baron Cohen) in there too. Gary said he'd look into that as well. Richard said he and Sal would like to see just how far he's willing to take that gay character. Richard said he's not sure he's willing to go as far as Bruno is. Richard said Cohen may be willing to blow a guy and call it acting and he can't do that.
Jason came in so Jon asked him about JD's bad breath problem. Jason said that it wasn't clear at the time that he was going to be able to stay on with them. Jason said he wasn't asked to talk to him but he felt it was the right thing to do so he took him in a room alone and talked to him about it. He said he was trying to help the guy get a job and wasn't trying to be a dick. He said he really wasn't trying to be a dick but people thought he was.
Jason said he wasn't making fun of JD and JD took it the way he takes everything. He said his breath has been better since then so he obviously did something.
Jon asked Jason if he and Richard are talking. Jason said that they're not hugging it out or anything. He said that he took his picture today and that's all of the interaction they've had. Richard said it's all up to Jason.
Jason and Richard went back and forth on that and Jason said that he has no animosity toward him. He said that they do say hi when they see each other but they don't see each other much at all. Richard said he doesn't want to talk to Jason if he's mad at him and he doesn't want him to think it's a fake thing.
Jason said that it's in the past for him and it's Richard who thinks that it's not in the past. He said that Richard is a nice person, for the most part, and that's it. Richard said he's willing to be friendly even if they're not friends. Gary said he thinks they've got it.
Benjy said that he'd like to have a flow chart of all of the feuds that go on there. They mentioned a bunch of the people who have had battle son the show. Jason was mentioned for a lot of those battles. There were many others too though.
Benjy said he'd like to know who the closest buddies are too. Jason and Gary are one set. Richard and Sal are another. Gary said that he and Jon are close. He said that he hasn't really had any long lasting battles with the guys in there.
Gary said that they have disagreements but they don't have long lasting battles. Jason said he and Scott DePace don't have a long term problem. He said they get over it and move on. Gary said that Jason and Scott didn't talk for a year one time. That's pretty long.
Gary said that Robin once stopped talking to Stuttering John for 3 months. Jason said that happened to him with Stuttering John too. He said he stopped talking to him for months. He didn't even remember what it was he did that pissed him off so much.
Jason said he thinks that he said something to John about the Las Vegas trip and John stopped talking to him for two full months. John eventually got over it.
Jon took a call from Cyrus who said that he wanted to go off on him about the charisma thing. He said that there are a lot of boring black people in this world. Sal said that's true and funny.
Richard said that Big Black wasn't very charismatic. He said that King of All Blacks making fun of him was funny though.
Jon asked Sal if he's ever met a black person who didn't have charisma. Sal said that maybe Colin Powell. Gary said that Sal has to be trying to say something other than charisma. He said it had to be another word that he was trying to sue. Sal said that's the word he meant to use.
Richard told Sal to talk about his favorite ''All in the Family'' episode. Sal said that was a great episode because they had the black guys overacting. He said he didn't write the script, that's just Hollywood for you. He said that they couldn't have had a couple of Irish guys breaking into the house. Sal said that episode was very funny even if it's wrong.
Jason asked Jon if they did a ''black man strut'' on that show like Sal was saying. Benjy told him that they did do that. Jason said he didn't see many episodes of that show so he didn't know.
Gary said that there was one episode where they gave three versions of an incident and they had Archie's version, Meat Head's version and the real version and that was great. Sal joked that the real version was Archie's version.
Sal talked about how all of this racial comedy is funny and how much he likes it. He and Jason went back and forth on that for a couple of minutes.
Jon asked Gary about Joan doing all of these things with Melissa. Jason said he finds all of that creepy. Jason said that Melissa is the only person she has in her family and that's why they're so close. Jason said he doesn't get why Melissa has to do the same thing that her mother does and he finds that whole thing odd.
A caller said that they missed the fact that Fred dislikes Sal. He also pointed out that Artie was silent during the Joan Rivers interview. Gary said he thought that he had a respect for her but Jason said that Artie said on the air that he doesn't like her and that's why he stays quiet.
Jason pointed out that there were some things that Joan said at Howard and Beth's wedding about some people who were speaking there and that could have had something to do with it. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about getting up a little bit late this morning. He forgot to set his alarm. Howard said he was upset with himself about that. He was rushing around like a lunatic to get in there. He said it felt good sleeping in a bit though.
Robin said she has to feed her cat medication with one hand every morning. She said she has to grab the cat with one hand and then has to get the pill in for its upper respiratory infection. Robin said she thought the cat was getting better and had stopped the meds early. That wasn't the right thing to do.
Robin said the cat hates the pills so she has to throw the pill to the back of her throat so it can't avoid swallowing it. Howard said he'd leave it all to Beth if he had to do that. He said his dog will just eat it if it has peanut butter on it.
Howard said the dog likes vitamins but sometimes it needs pills for other stuff. He said the dog has an anal gland infection right now. He said the vet they go to was able to diagnose that. Artie said he thinks his girlfriend has the same problem.
Howard said the dog's fur was getting thin on one side and that turned out to be a vitamin deficiency. He said that they don't get the right nutrition with the food they feed them. Howard said his mother would tell you that they don't belong in the house and that's kind of right. They can't get the right nutrition with the food we feed them.
Robin said she was told that her cat, Brangelina, may have feline herpes. She said the mother may have had it and that's where this cat got it. She said it's constantly flaring up and it causes her to get a bacterial infection. She said the cat starts sneezing and the snot is longer than the cat is.
Artie said he was trying to stay quiet during this because he had a lot of jokes about the stuff they were talking about.
Howard said you get attached to these animals and you take care of them like kids. Robin said she really loves this cat too.
Howard said they monitor all of the dog's turds and it's like raising a kid. Robin said she loves cats because you can leave them for a few days but one of them is so old she can't even do that. She said she has to have a cat sitter for this one.
Howard said when he sees what's going on with Madonna adopting the kid in Malawi and people trying to stop her, it just pisses him off. He said she's trying to save this kid and they're against it. Howard said that's wrong.
Howard read some of the article he was reading and said that these lawyers are just doing their jobs but the guy shouldn't have a shortened sentence. Howard said it's unreal. He said he'd probably write a letter like that if he were a lawyer though.
Howard said the lawyer was asking for just one month of jail time for every $450 million the guy stole. Howard said that they were saying that if they got that then there would be a line of people around the block asking how they could rip people off like that.
Howard said there was another story in the news about two old couples that were caught kidnapping. Howard said they held their financial adviser captive, allegedly. Howard read through that article and said this all took place in Austria. They kept the guy captive for a few days until a counter terrorist unit freed him.
Howard said that these people had been ripped off and they did this to get back at the guy. They ended up getting arrested for it. Robin said this sounds like a great movie. Howard jokingly said he already bought the rights and it's in production.
Howard said he read about this guy, Joseph Brooks, who wrote the song ''You Light Up My Life'' for Debbie Boon. Howard said he was a washed up composer and ended up winning an Academy Award for the song. Now they're saying that the guy was on Craigslist looking for young girls to appear in a movie he was making. Howard said he got some 18, 19 and 20 year olds to show up at his apartment. Howard read that they had to drink wine at the audition and then he'd have them take their clothes off and then pounce on them.
Howard read that article and found that the women were between the ages of 18 and 22. He said this guy did it for a few years between 2005 and 2008. Howard said the guy had a girlfriend and she was there for some of the auditions but she may or may not have known what he was up to.
Howard said that this guy would tell the women that they were trying out for the role of a prostitute. That's how he'd get them to drink the wine ''in a seductive manner.'' Howard said he would have to go kill this guy if he did something like that to his daughter. Howard said he's not endorsing vigilantism or anything like that though.
Howard said it's self loathing to change your name. Especially when you go from Weiner to Savage. Howard said the guy is a Jew and he should just admit it. Howard said the guy claims that he would be bigger than Howard Stern if he went on satellite radio too. Howard told the guy to give it a shot and see what happens.
Howard said he loves these guys who think they're better than him but none of them can get the kind of ratings that he got. He said that they should prove it by coming on satellite radio and making it huge like they claim. Artie pointed out that Michael Savage wasn't on Letterman the night he was trying to beat Conan.
Howard played a clip of Michael
Savage Weiner going off on him. Savage said that he could have gone to satellite and been more popular than Howard. Savage was saying that Howard is all about ''are you wearing a brassiere'' and things like that. Robin said that Howard has never even said ''brassiere.'' Savage went on to take some calls on ''The Savage Nation.'' Howard said it should be the Weiner Nation.
Artie said this guy has said some things about gays before and maybe Fred could find some of those quotes. Howard said this guy claims that his Weiner Nation is growing but they should put him up against him and see how he does.
Gary said that Savage is the guy who said that kids with autism are faking it. Howard played more audio from Savage's show where he was talking to a caller about how much Howard was making at SIRIUS and how it's the same kind of stuff you can hear in the back of a mental ward.
Howard said he wants to interview the guy and ask him how he came up with the name ''Savage.'' He said that's all he wants to ask him about.
Howard told Savage to just fess up and admit he's a ''Yid'' and go with the name that's synonymous with a cock.
Gary said Savage is the kind of guy who sells all kinds of crap on his web site just like Bill O'Reilly does. Gary said he has his book for sale on there. Artie said he has sold more books than that guy and he's just Howard Stern's sidekick.
Ralph told Howard to stop because this guy is just trying to get his attention. He said no one knows who the guy is anyway. Howard said it's not going to get the guy anything anyway and he thought it was interesting. Howard said he doesn't have to ignore him and told Ralph that he should go back to sleep. He said he'd take it under advisement though.
Howard said he's more fascinated by this guy's choice of name. He said he loves to see what guys in radio look like too. He said that they give themselves these names and they look nothing like their persona. He said this guy is a self loathing Jew who hates his ''Weiner'' last name and became a ''Savage.'' Howard said this guy would be sucking his cock in a minute if he met him in person.
Howard got a picture of the guy and he said he looks like Robin Leach. Artie said he looked like a fat Mr. Rourke (From Fantasy Island) in the picture they were looking at.
Artie said that there's a lot of discrimination in this country so that might be why some people change their names. Robin said it's okay when you do that because you can't get a job.
This guy, Leo, was on the phone and said that he had to go through about 50 operations. He had a lot of internal injuries and they had to go in there a bunch of times. He had a lacerated aorta and they had to go in and fix that. He said that most people don't survive that injury.
Leo said that his hip was shattered and he has to walk with a brace on now. He said he was 35 years old when the accident happened. He said it was a drunk driver who hit him. He said that guy got up and ran from the accident and he got 6-12 years.
Leo said that the guy was an illegal alien driving drunk and he thinks that the guy is still in jail. He said that his mom keeps tabs on the guy because she's pretty mad at him.
Leo said that he had just gotten engaged the week before the accident and she has stuck with him the whole time. Howard asked if they have any kids or anything. Leo said he hasn't gotten married yet.
Howard asked if he can walk. Leo said he can with a cane but he still has to do rehab and stuff. Howard asked what they were doing on the show when he came out of his coma. Leo said he thinks that Sal had on his monkey mask and was doing something. He said he really didn't remember exactly what was going on.
Howard asked if he remembers hearing the show in his coma. Leo said he doesn't remember that but he does remember some people visiting. Leo said that he might not remember it but the show really helped him recover because he was in a really dark place during that.
Howard said Leo wasn't looking for anything, he just wanted to thank them for being there for him. Leo said that they really touch a lot of lives. He said they may not even know it. Howard thanked Leo for the call and Robin told him to take it easy.
Robin was still dealing with her broken wrist. She said she couldn't survive what he's going through.
Howard played the audio from the radio show where Irvin and Artie were talking about the Joe Buck Live show. Artie was asking him about some of the stuff they were saying on that show. Artie said that if they had told him not to curse on that Joe Buck show then he wouldn't have.
In the clip Artie was giving the usual explanation for why he did what he did on the Joe Buck show and argued that he was funny and he did what he did to make money so he can feed his kids. Howard cut the clip off and asked what kids he's talking about. Artie joked that he had an illegitimate child out there.
Howard played more of the clip and Artie argued with Irvin like he's been arguing with everyone else for the past week about why he thinks that he was funny on that show.
Howard said this show was pretty good and he may have to fly to Dallas to hear more of it. He played more of the audio of Artie on the show and the co-host was telling Artie that laughter doesn't mean ''acceptance.'' Artie got a laugh out of that.
Artie was arguing with the guys about the appearance and the co-host said he was in the audience that day. He said he was sitting next to the floor director. He kept saying that he was in the audience so Artie asked him if he was in the audience.
Artie was saying that he wanted to fight the co-host. He said that he's pretty sure he can't take on Irvin but he might be able to take this other guy on.
Howard said that Irvin wasn't bad on the show. Artie said he wasn't. He said that HBO didn't tell him not to go that far on that show and it was a lack of communication that caused the whole thing to blow up. Artie said they're replaying his appearance on that show constantly from what he's heard. Artie said that he's seen them rerunning it without the bleeps too but that was after Midnight.
Howard said he thinks that they're going to spin off the show into its own channel now. Artie said that he needs that so he can feed his kids. He said he wasn't sure why he said that but he was just trying to say he needs to make a living.
Artie said he got to the airport and got in the helicopter and went up to do the benefit. He said it turned out that Barack Obama was going to be in New York City so there was a no-fly zone around the city. If they were in the air at 12:01am, they'd be shot down. That meant he had to be out of the show by 11:15 and in the air.
Artie said he did his time and got in the car and he was told he couldn't fly home. He said he asked the limo guy how much it would cost. Artie said the guy said it was $400. Artie offered him $600 to get him there faster.
Howard asked Artie why he does that. He said he just offers people more money than they ask for. Artie said the guy had kids and he was a nice guy.
Artie said that Helicopter Mike and this other guy had to stay there to fly home the next day. Artie got them hotel rooms and that cost him another $600. Artie said he gave Janks all of the money he made that night which was another $10,000.
Artie said he got up the next day to get his car from Linden Airport. It turns out someone backed into his brand new Mercedes and destroyed the back of the car. Artie said that was $8,000 worth of damage. He said it's in the shop and he has a rental car for 3 weeks now. Artie said that he has to pay the deductible on that. This is going to end up costing him like 20 grand after all is said and done.
Howard said he was out at the gym the other day and saw Wayne Segal there. He said Wayne had a wall of muscles on his back. Howard said he asked the guy what he's been doing to get those muscles. He said Wayne told him he's just been going to the gym. Howard said Wayne talks like he's Italian or something. He did an impression of the guy and gave him a full on Italian accent.
Howard said Wayne only lifts weights and he has the big muscles now. Howard said he's been running himself and he ends up looking like a skeleton. Robin said that's what a runner's body looks like.
John Boy said that Howard must be cut as hell though. Howard said he's really not in great shape. He said he has a bit of a gut. John Boy said he has a real gut. Howard said that's because he doesn't run 6 miles. John Boy said he has asthma so he can't run.
Howard said he can do 30 pull-ups and there aren't many guys his age who can do that. Artie said he can't do that. Howard said he thinks that he'd have some definition but he really doesn't. Howard said those twigs he has for arms don't have any muscle on them but he can still do these pull-ups.
John Boy said that if you tan then you can show off some of the muscle. Howard said he's not looking to do that. John Boy told Howard to just whip his shirt off out in the Hamptons this summer and get a tan. Robin said they don't have any sun there right now.
John Boy said that the interns there would probably look better with their shirts off. He asked who else there has a good body. Howard said Fred probably has some good definition. Fred said that he has been doing pull-ups too and he can do 30 wide arm pull-ups.
Fred said the only other guy in shape like Howard is Will and he's only thin because he had cancer. The other guys are all in bad shape.
Howard said that Sal keeps himself in reasonable shape. He said the other guys are all fat. He said Sal is like an Adonis. Howard said Gary is fat, Jason is in the worst shape. He said that Artie has lost a lot of weight and he's much lower than Jason is now. Jon Hein is a mess too according to Howard.
Richard said he does 200 push-ups a day. Howard said he's still fat. Richard took his shirt off and showed them the kind of shape he's in. There was some laughter and Howard said he didn't look so bad.
Howard said Sal wasn't able to take his eyes off of Richard. Sal said it was like looking at a canned ham. He said it looked like he had a vagina rash on his tits. Richard said they were pimples. Howard asked if they were cat herpes. Richard said they're just little bumps.
Sal said that looks like some women who shave their vaginas and have some strange bumps there. Howard told Sal to touch Richard. Sal wouldn't do it so Richard tried grabbing his hand but Sal wasn't going for it.
Howard told Sal to take his shirt off. He said he didn't look so bad when he took it off. Howard asked if he's still doing the fake tanning. Sal said he hasn't been doing the fake thing, he goes to the tanning salon once in a while.
Howard said Sal didn't look so bad. Sal said he does have man boobs. Howard took his shirt off and told the other guys to take theirs off. Artie took his off and said he didn't care because he looks better than he did. Fred took his shirt off too and Richard said he looks really good.
The guys all had their shirts off. Sal asked if he could put a dollar under Artie's tits. Artie told him he'd drop him if he came close to him.
Benjy had lost some weight so Howard said he won. Sal said Benjy's tits went all the way around to his back. Howard asked Robin if Fred was the winner. Robin said that he might be. Sal said Fred looks great.
Sal asked who had the nicest nipples. Artie said that their photographer was Walter Hudson. Richard said that was actually Jason.
Howard had JD come in next. JD said it was the gayest studio ever. Howard asked JD to take his shirt off. JD didn't want to do that. JD is 29 years old and he should have looked the best. Richard said he had a ''body by Burger King.'' Richard said JD eats fries every day. Sal said JD is doughy. Howard said he's seen JD eating fish burgers once in a while. JD said he's been eating ham sandwiches and stuff.
Sal said they have to get Gary in there too because he's blowing up. Gary said that Tim Sabean wanted to come in too. Howard told them all to come in.
John Boy was asking Howard to make sure he gets a picture of himself up on the web site. Howard said he won't put one up because he's so hairy.
Jason took his shirt off and Howard told him to take the shirt off again when he saw how hairy he was. Jason turned around and Robin said ''Wow!'' when she saw how fat he had gotten. Jason said he's lost 10 pounds and he's working on losing more.
Howard asked Gary to come in but he refused. Tim was refusing too. Gary said he didn't ask or comment on any of this stuff. He said the gay guy on the phone wasn't asking to see him either. John Boy said that he's looking forward to seeing Howard after he tans up a bit.
Sal wanted to do an arm farting contest. He did a little bit and then Howard did some armpit farts. Sal's were better than Howard's were. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and had radio host and skater Jason Ellis come in. Howard said that Jason is on SIRIUS XM on channel 28 and 52 on SIRIUS and XM radios from 3pm to 7pm.
Howard asked Jason if people thought he was insane getting into skate boarding. Jason said that he was a bit of a fuck up and his parents didn't think it was the best thing for him to do. Howard asked Jason if he would go out and skate board every day. Jason said he would dream about that stuff every day. He said he asked them to support him for 6 months while he went to America to be a skate boarder. He said he never looked at it like he wanted to be a millionaire doing it. He said that he just wanted to skate.
Howard said he was reading notes about Jason and he saw he was married twice. He was separated from his second wife and got back together with her. Jason was also in love with Robin and he wants to work with her.
Jason said hi to Artie but Artie called him ''John.'' Artie said he was just kidding. Howard said that Jason thinks he's the future of radio. Jason said that he is.
Howard asked how he got a job on radio. Jason said that Tony Hawk got him a job. He said that he became his co-host and some of the big bosses there offered him a job as a DJ. He said he didn't want to play shitty music there but he took the job and put all of his energy into radio and he was able to stop playing music and talk all the shit he wants. He said that's what he does every day now. He said he wants to do 5 hours a day and they won't let him. Jason said Howard wants to do 4 instead of 5 so he'd like to come in and take that hour from Howard. Howard said he's ready to pass that hour along to him.
Jason asked Howard what he's going to do when he leaves radio. Howard said he's going to stare at the wall. Jason said that Howard has done it all and he must want to stay there a little longer. Howard said he loves satellite radio and working there. He said it's been a joy working there. He said it's the greatest but at some point he's got to hang it up.
Robin said Howard can't go on forever. Robin said Jason can't be the best skater forever so Howard can't be on radio forever.
Jason told Robin that she looks really young and stuff. He said she looks amazing. Howard got them back on track and asked Jason about becoming a professional skate boarder. He asked if he broke every bone in his body. Jason said he wore a helmet and he was doing vert skating so he was always wearing pads and stuff.
Howard told Jason about Robin's broken wrist and how she did that roller blading. Jason said that's fine for a woman to do but any guy who has ''fruit boots'' on, he's gay.
Howard said Jason has a segment on his show where he figures out if stuff is gay. Jason said that's called ''Dude, is that gay?'' He said that they talk about all of that kind of stuff on the show.
Howard found out that Jason had been molested as a child. Jason said that it was his mother's friend. Howard asked if that was something that he recently remembered. Jason said that he had taken some drugs when he was 18 and he ended up telling his pretend friend who ended up telling his mother about it.
Howard told Jason about Artie getting the load on his chest one time at a party. Jason said that sounds like it was gay to him. Artie told Jason what happened at that party. Artie said that he was at a drug party where they had an orgy going on. Artie said this chick was giving him a blow job when this guy walked over and started fucking this girl in the ass. Artie didn't know what to do and then the guy pulls his cock out and starts to finish on her back. Some of the load ended up hitting his shirt. Jason said the other guy might have been gay. He said that it was gay but it's one of those gay things you can bounce back from.
Howard asked Jason about getting into the skate boarding scene and if he was surprised at the competition. Jason said that the competition was tough. He told Howard about what kind of skating he was doing and how that whole thing works.
Howard asked Jason what he would have to do to get into the business and if he could make a living doing it. Jason said that you can still make good money. He said that they can easily make a million if they're good. Jason said that the judges are usually washed up dudes or dudes who never could make it.
Howard asked Jason how much a guy wins in a competition. Jason said it can be 50 grand. Howard asked if he would recommend kids getting into it. Jason said it's a great job. Jason said that snow boarding is a legitimate job too and he heard Howard talking about one guy who was a snow boarder and wondered why he was doing that. Jason said that it can be the perfect life for some people.
Jason said that his wife isn't a skate boarder. He said he never wanted to date skate boarder chicks because their shins are all scraped up and shit. He said they all have huge asses too. He said that they like to spit, grab their crotches and stuff and it's fuckin' offensive to him.
Howard asked Jason about his marriages. The first wife was an Australian girl. Jason said that he married her because her friend was his girlfriend who left him so it was more of a revenge thing. Jason said she was a stripper and she loved his job. He said they could go out and take drugs all night when they were dating. He said they got sober when they married though.
Howard asked Jason if it bothered him that she was a stripper. Jason said he actually went and watched her work sometimes and it didn't bother him. He said that he trusted her. Jason said he once had a foursome with a friend of his and his wife. They swapped. Jason said she was too much of a prude about that though because she thought he was pumping the other chick too much. Jason said that she turned out to be a prude and she made him stop smoking weed and stuff like that. He said she used to beat him up too.
Jason said that this chick flipped out and punched him. He said that she went to anger management classes and then came home and punched him again. He said that he learned to just take the best punch and get it over with. She would get pissed at him for smoking weed.
Jason said he did heroin for a while but he didn't like it. He said he's glad he's done with that. Jason said he did it for about 6 months and then it started to escalate and he got two prostitutes and banged them. He said his wife didn't know about that. He said he did that because his wife was beating him.
Jason said that one hooker shot him up. He said that he did one of them and then got sick and they brought him to a park to let him puke. They had taken all of his money from his wallet. Jason said that they actually tied him off and shot him up. Artie had something similar happen to him but it was just a skin pop.
Howard asked Jason if he can't stand women. Jason said it's not that. He said that he'd feel bad for the women that were having sex with him because he was up to no good.
Jason said that his father died and then his little brother died. He said he was having issues. Jason said that his brother stole a steam roller and he ended up rolling over a cliff on that thing while running over trees and stuff.
Howard said it sounds like the whole family is into this crazy stuff. He thought it was a death wish. Jason said it's not a death wish, it's more of a life wish.
Howard asked about why they all got into that kind of stuff. Jason had two brothers and his other brother is a motocross rider in Australia. Jason said that his father was crazy. He said that he sees that he wasn't really raised by the guy at all. He said he's realized that now that he has a kid of his own.
Artie said he feels the same way about his father that Jason does. Artie said that his brother would probably say that he'd rather live 24 years the way he did than 80 years like someone else.
Jason said that the family was a mess after his brother died. He said he thought the family couldn't be beaten but then he realized that wasn't the case and he stopped drinking and doing drugs.
Jason said he's still doing dangerous stuff. He said he does cage fighting and motocross stuff as well as the skating thing. Howard said he saw he's friends with Pink too. He said that she actually put her vagina on his neck one day. Howard said he saw Jason ask Pink to punch him in the face as hard as she could too. Jason said that he did that and he'll do anything on his radio show. Jason said that he wasn't even on drugs that day. He said that getting punched in the face is the way he stays off of drugs.
Howard asked Jason why he slept with Chyna. Jason said he always wanted to sleep with a weight lifter and he met her on his show when he was separated. Jason said he told her he wanted to fuck her and he saw the sadness in her life because guys probably don't say that to her much. Jason said Chyna invited him to an event and he figured that he was single and he might not ever get his wife back and it wasn't a big deal. Jason said he wanted to console her. Howard said he's been in the room with Chyna and she's got bigger shoulders and arms. Fred did his Herman Munster impression as if he were Chyna and told Howard that he and Jason had a sword fight under the sheets.
Jason said that he told the story on the air the day after he was with her but he wasn't just doing it for the air. He said that she got kind of weird and crazy though. Jason said he went to dinner with Chyna and her friends. Then they went to his truck and she asked to go with him in his truck. She told him to drive somewhere and then she jumped on him while they were driving down the freeway. He said he couldn't see shit because she was so big with this fluffy scarf on. Jason said he had to get her off of him. Then they ended up going to a bowling alley and had some drinks there.
Jason said that Chyna took him to this house that was like a lair. He said that it was the creepiest thing ever. Jason said it was a little apartment with curtains over walls and stuff. He said it didn't look like she made any money or didn't save any. Jason said she had an assistant there and she was just there to help her put her pants on and stuff like that.
Jason said it was like 3 in the morning when they were doing this. He said that Chyna ended up taking an Ambien to go to sleep. He said that the assistant came in and helped out with that. Then Chyna ended up in the bathroom with her assistant. Jason said that he realized that he had gone too far after he shot his load. He said Chyna was singing that Britney song ''Gimme, gimme, gimme more'' and trying to hold on to him. Jason said that he was really tired and tried to get her to let go of him. He said that she's got really jacked arms so he had to try and get away from that. Jason said that he had to rip her arm out of there so he could get out.
Jason said that he was trying to get out of there when the assistant came in with a phone call for Chyna. He said he was trying to leave and she was holding him and not letting him go. Fred was still doing his impression and joking around with Jason about being a man.
Jason said he left one room and finally got out the door. Then Chyna followed him down the hallway, nude, and she was still talking on the phone. Jason said he hit the elevator and got in and kept wishing that the door would shut. He said the door finally shut and he got away from her. Jason said that she called him for about 2 months after that.
Jason said that he told Chyna that he was getting back together with his wife after that. He said that she would only call him when she got drunk after that. Fred did more of his Chyna impression and had everyone cracking up.
Howard asked Jason how long he's been together with his wife. He said it's been 7 years now and they have a daughter together. Howard asked if his wife asks him not to do the cage fighting thing. Jason said he's going to stop doing that because she's really not happy with it. He said he doesn't even do it for the money. He said punching a guy and breaking a jaw is a strange feeling. He said that he's not even a mean guy, he just likes the challenge.
Jason said that every man is supposed to do violent stuff and that's why he enjoys it so much. Jason said that Artie needs to get into the ring and do that. Jason didn't think that Howard needed to do it though.
Howard said they had some video of Jason getting punched in the face by Pink. The Howard TV guys put it up on the screens in the studio. They all watched that. Artie said it didn't look that bad to him. Jason said it really wasn't.
Artie asked if he could punch Jason in the face as hard as he could. Jason told him he had to get past the wall first. Jason asked Artie if he misses heroin. Artie said he learned it was an awful life and he doesn't miss that. Jason told him he needs to get punched in the face. Artie said it was hell being on that stuff.
Jason told the guys that he is monogamous now. He used to go to sex clubs and stuff like that with his wife. Howard asked if she would have sex with other guys. Jason said that he had a woman stop him and put his penis in her mouth as his wife was getting into a hot tub. Jason said that chick threw up and then his wife asked to leave. That was the last time they went there. He said that she's 10 years younger than him too.
Jason had dropped out of school and he said he always knew he wanted to be a skate boarder. He said that he always had that passion. Jason said he was inspired by Howard to do radio and that's why he's doing it. Robin told him she thinks that doing radio is gay. Jason said that sounded like the most stuck up thing ever.
Howard asked Jason if he was doing a live show there today. Jason said he wasn't. They're flying him back to Los Angeles today and they just wanted him to come there to be on the Stern Show. Jason said he's trying to hustle this stuff the best he can. Jason said that no one is doing better radio than he is in that time slot he's in.
John Boy called in and asked Jason what he thinks about Gary not taking his shirt off earlier. He was also wondering if it was gay to have all of the guys in there with their shirts off. Jason said Gary is fat and hairy, that's why he didn't do it. He said that the guys being in the room with their shirts off wasn't gay though.
John Boy asked Jason if he would rather let JD punch him or let Richard Christy a dick suck with that cock of his. Howard asked John Boy why he was bringing him to that place. He ended up bailing out on the call.
Another caller said that Jason really is going to be the next big thing in radio. He said that Ellis' show is great and it's not easy to get through on the phones when he's on. He thinks he'd be a good replacement for Howard.
Howard said that Jason has a band too. That band is Taintstick and they have an album coming out in a few months. Howard said he had their single ''Fuck Your Face'' that he was going to play. Jason sings the lead vocal on the song. He told Howard it was going to be pretty heavy. Howard said the song was a little too heavy for him. Every other word was the F-word. Artie said that was ''Jason Lennon'' with those lyrics.
Howard thought the song was good. Artie said he liked it too. Howard thanked Jason for coming in. Artie said Jason is great. He said that he usually listens to Bubba the Love Sponge from 3 to 7 but now he's been inspired to tape Jason's show and listen to it later. Howard wrapped up, gave Jason some more plugs, and went to break.
Howard came back and said that Sal and Richard made another call to the Tradio guy and he's wise to them now. Howard said he's not taking any crap from them anymore. Howard played the call and it was actually to the Swap Shop show. The host hung up on Richard as he was doing his thing trying to goof on the show. The host said that they don't need to harass people. He told them not to even start with him because he'll hang up on them. Richard called back and got hung up on again. The host called him an idiot.
Sal called in and asked what was going on with the pranksters. The host, Jack, said he didn't like it. Sal agreed and then went on to read some stuff that he had to sell. He had a salad tosser from chef Mike Morales and some tea bags that he had to dunk. Sal said everyone loves a good tea bagging and salad tossing. Sal told Jack it really bothered him that these jackasses were calling in to goof on him and make him look like a jackass.
Richard kept calling in but kept getting hung up on. The host said that he knows that they're still listening and they're the biggest idiots they've had call into the show in the past 34 years.
Artie said that Richard and Sal just made the greatest phony phone call of all time. Artie said that might have been the funniest phone call he's ever heard. He said he was throwing up laughing.
Howard said that modern science has changed the way they do things and Robin using her hand is probably going to help it heal faster. Robin said that she's already getting more range and motion in it every day.
Howard read through some more mail. Someone said that his show has gotten too gay. There were some people writing in about his comments about Iran as well.
Howard read some mail about Artie's reality show. Some people think it's a bad idea to do the show and told him not to do it.
One writer said that Richard looks like an Irish skin head now that he's shaved his head. Robin said his nose pores are getting big too and looking odd.
Howard said someone wrote in about Megan Fox being in the show ''Hope and Grace'' for a few years. Howard said he'd like to get on the ''she's not hot'' bandwagon but he can't do it. He said Megan is wearing short shorts in the new Transformers movie and she looks great. Artie said he wants her to transform into a chick blowing him.
Artie said he had a shot at doing that show ''Hope and Faith'' but he turned it down. He said now he's wishing that he had done it so he'd know Megan Fox.
Howard read some mail about Steve Jobs where a fan corrected him on some stuff he was saying about Apple. Howard said he knows that Steve Wozniak was around and helped Steve start Apple. Howard said that Steve came back and saved Apple from dying when they brought out the iPod and iPhone.
Howard read some mail about Joan Rivers. The fan didn't like her on the show. There was another person who said that he usually likes Joan but not yesterday. He said she came off as a complainer when she talked about her millions. Howard said he's not sure why people are so damn angry all the time. Artie said people are jealous of money.
Howard said Joan wasn't crying in there at all. He said he was the one who brought up her financial problems and she wasn't complaining. She was saying that she lost a lot like everyone else out there.
Howard said Joan went through a lot trying to be accepted as a female comic. He said that she was bankrupt for a while and fought her way back up so you can't be angry with her about that.
Howard said that he's amazed that Malika and Bill are still arguing about money so many years later. Howard said they were all so nice to him. Howard said he had Sam come over to his house one night and he showed up with two chicks he was banging. He said he just wanted Sam to have a normal night and there was nothing normal about him.
Howard said Sam loved his life and Sam thought that his life was kind of lame. He said that Sam would kiss his ass with comments about how he had it all but it was a passive aggressive move on his part. Howard said Sam loved what he was doing and he didn't want what he had.
Howard said they'll have to wait and see what happens. Howard said Sam was a lot of fun and a brilliant guy. Robin said she'd like to know how he would have turned out after all these years. She said she can't imagine him as an old man. Howard said that would be like seeing an old Jimi Hendrix. You just can't imagine what that would be like.
Howard said Sam had started to do normal TV shows and stuff. He was on that show ''Charlie Hoover'' and he was going main stream with that stuff.
Howard said that some reporters went to interview Lenny and his door was open and no one was home. The reporters just walked in and no one was there.
Howard played a clip from this show where they reported on some people who were ripped off by Lenny. They had some people who worked for his magazine and hadn't been paid. Some were owed a little under 10 grand and others were owed $250,000. They had a whole group of people who were ripped off and never paid. One of the women was a stewardess who claimed she had been ripped off for $10,000.
Howard played more of the clip where they went to Lenny's house to get his side of the story. The reporter said that Lenny told them to meet him at his house so they went over to meet with him. The reporter went inside the empty house and no one was there for 25 minutes. Then Lenny showed up and they spoke to him about all of the money he owes to people.
Lenny was saying that everyone was a criminal and the flight attendant saying that he owed her money was lying. Lenny said that the cases were all bullshit. The reporter said that Lenny showed him his latest money making ideas. Lenny talked about the jets he was flipping and the dog he was going to buy for $10,000. Lenny said that's the only dog he'd buy.
The reporter asked Lenny if he's broke. Lenny pulled out his wallet and had $75 in there. Artie said that was pretty sad. Howard said that show is pretty good too. He said it was HBO's Real Sports.
Ronnie told Corky that he doesn't know shit about the new Camaro. He said that it's not a good car, he told him to look at the Challenger instead. Ronnie said that he's not going to get on his show, he doesn't know shit.
Howard said the show was about the car industry and not just the Camaro. Ronnie said he just thinks that car is a piece of shit, he didn't say anything about any of the other GM cars. Corky kept bringing up car stuff and Ronnie sounded like he knew what he was talking about. At least to Howard he did.
Ronnie said he didn't want to talk to this guy. He whipped off his headphones and said he didn't want to talk about this. Corky asked Ronnie about what the horsepower rating is for the new ZR1 Corvette and the Z06 Corvette. Ronnie didn't know those numbers. Corky told him that he would know if he was a real car guy.
Howard asked the guys what make of cars has the nickname Silver Star. Corky guessed it was Cadillac. Ronnie thought it was Bentley. it was actually Mercedes Benz.
Howard asked what color most Ferraris are. Corky said it was red, Ronnie agreed. They were right. Howard asked when the most recent generation change was for the Honda Civic. Ronnie said it was probably 4 or 5 years ago. He was right. Corky said it was last year.
Howard said that you have to be well versed in every car. Howard asked what material the Corvette is made out of. Corky said it was aluminum and carbon fiber. Ronnie said it was fiberglass. Corky said that he was talking about the chassis. Ronnie was talking about the body which is what Howard asked about.
Howard asked what vehicle had AWD first. Corky said it was Porsche. Ronnie said Mercedes. Howard said it was the Audi Quattro.
Howard asked how many Corvette generations there were. Corky said there were 6. Ronnie said he thinks it's 7. Corky was right. Corky asked what he drives. Ronnie said he drives a GMC Denali. Corky mentioned what he drove but I didn't catch it.
Howard took a call from Military Mike who said he likes Corky and he sounds more interesting than Ronnie. He said he'd like him to replace Ronnie on that show.
Corky said that he would let Ronnie punch him in the stomach with all his might to show that he means nothing to him. Howard said that doesn't prove anything though.
Corky said he had a 1970 440 Six Pack GTX as his first car. He told Howard about some of his other cars and gave every detail about what they were equipped with. The caller loved hearing Corky and told him to keep going with that. Howard said he wants Ronnie to have this guy Corky on his show with him next time.
The caller also told Artie that he should do the reality show and he'd do great. He said there are a lot of haters out there who don't want him to do it.
Howard asked another caller if he thinks Ronnie should be the host or Corky. One caller said Ronnie didn't even get Howard a decent limo. Howard said that was 3 years ago, give the guy a break. The caller said he thinks that Ronnie is trying to pull a John the Stutterer and have a solo show. Ronnie said he really doesn't care, he can have corky on the show if he wants.
Another caller said they should co-host the show after John the Stutterer and High Register Sean do a show. Another guy said Corky only knows the 80s stuff and people need to know about the current stuff. The guy said that no one wants to hear about 1980 Corvettes and stuff. Corky said that he knows the current stuff too.
One caller said that Ronnie is the guy who should do the show. He said that they don't need another douche bag like this guy Corky on the show. The caller told Ronnie to keep his show and screw this guy Corky.
One caller went off on Corky for driving a truck with a manual transmission. He told the guy to get with it and get a truck with an automatic. He said that even a woman can drive a truck these days. Another caller said that Ronnie is the man and Corky is an asshole.
Artie asked Ronnie and Corky what engine he had in his AMC Matador. Fred came closest when he said it was a 304. Artie said it was really a 305 V8.
Ronnie told Corky that he can be his guest on his show next time he does it. He said he really doesn't care. Some more callers told Ronnie he was wrong about what the new Camaro was based on. Ronnie said it was based on the Cadillac XLR. One caller told him he was wrong about that.
Howard let caller after caller pick which guy they wanted on the auto show. One guy asked Corky if he could dye his hair and stand in the hallway like Ronnie does. That guy told them to have a cock off to pick who should do it.
High Register Sean called in and said he'd like to hear Corky on the show. Ronnie told him he's not going to treat him very nice next time he comes in.
Irish John called in and said that this guy Corky sounds like an asshole and its no wonder his wife left him. Howard asked how he's doing since his wife left him. Corky said he's still in the same house he was in back then and he's doing just fine.
Howard took a call from Ronnie audio clips. The guys had Ronnie calling him an asshole over the phone. The real Ronnie was laughing.
Another caller said that Ronnie should read some car magazines because the Challenger came in last against the Mustang and Camaro. Ronnie said he was just talking about looks. He doesn't care about handling. Corky and the caller told Ronnie he was out of his mind with the comments about the new Camaro. Ronnie said that they should take a look at the Challenger because it looks more retro than the new Camaro does. Ronnie said that's all he's saying.
Howard said he doesn't care about cars but he would listen to this. Artie said it was great. Howard said he's going to take Corky's number and they will promo it that he'll be on with Ronnie when he does the next auto show. Ronnie said that he'll have to be on with the other guys too.
Artie said he's actually buying a Challenger. Corky told him to check into the Steve Saleen SMS motor cars Challenger instead. Ronnie told him to just get a regular Challenger and keep it stock.
Ronnie had some pictures that Jason had just brought in. He had some Camaro pictures to compare. He had a 1969 Camaro and the 2009. Howard didn't know what he was looking for. Ronnie said that they were supposed to look similar. Howard said he didn't think they did. Ronnie said that they just came out for sale now and they'll have to wait to see how they sell.
Artie said he thinks that they're both nice cars but they're not the same. Artie said he's getting the new Challenger because it looks like the old one.
Howard got some pictures of the 1970 Challenger and the 2009 and they didn't look alike to him either. He said they were similar. Artie said they were way more similar than the Camaro. Artie said he's getting an orange Challenger with the black stripes on it. Ronnie told him that's what he should have. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they have a story about High Pitch Eric's pets being taken from him by the ASPCA. Eric was in tears as they took the animals. Howard said he hopes they don't kill those animals. Robin said she thinks that they are a kill shelter. Howard said that at least Eric was taking care of them. Steve said they weren't being taken care of very well. He said the dog didn't look very good.
Steve said they'll be finding out where the animals went and what happens to them. Howard said he admires that. Steve said that Irish John's brother may take Eric in tonight. They're also trying to find him a job.
Steve said they have more on the Orbitcast report about the fake Twitter posts that they thought were real Gary posts. Gary said it didn't even say it was him. He said it was ''Baba Booey.'' Steve said that the reporter was saying that Twitter needs to clamp down on the fake profiles. Steve said that they have to look into those stories further.
Steve said that Rob Eshman has been writing about Howard and had a story about what he said about Johnny Carson on the show yesterday. Howard said he likes this guy Eshman.
Steve said that there will be a tribute to blue Iris down in Charlotte, North Carolina. High Pitch Eric called in and said that someone at SternFanNetwork gave the ASPCA a tip about his pets so that's why they took them. He said that once he gets back on his feet they'll let him take the pets back.
Howard asked if the ASPCA can just take the pets. Eric said that he was told that he could be arrested if he didn't sign them over to them. Eric said he signed them over after that. Eric said they are a no-kill shelter. He said it was sad when they took them away. He said they weren't upset when they took them. Howard said they were probably relieved to get away from Eric.
Artie said that he might be able to help Eric get a job but he's afraid that he'll fuck him over. Eric said he won't do that. Eric said he has worked construction before but he was fired for not painting a door fast enough inside a closet.
Howard asked Eric if he could give an application to the people at Starbucks. Eric said he will take the construction job if Artie can help. Artie said he would let him know about that. Eric asked Howard if he would give him some money to help him get back on his feet. Howard said Eric has money and he doesn't need it. Eric said that he just needs help for a week.
Artie said Eric isn't going to pay anyone back so he has to learn the hard way. Howard said he's not going to fall into this. Eric said his mom is sick and his father can't help him out right now. Howard said he thinks he should move home with his parents. Eric said he can't. He said his father can't help him at all. Eric said he can't help him at all so he can't move home.
Howard asked Steve what he recommended. Steve said he couldn't say. Benjy said it would be so great to loan him the money and they try to get it back. Howard said that he might do that then. He said that he's going to give Eric some money but he needs it back as soon as possible. Eric said he can have it back next Tuesday. Howard said there's no way he's getting it back. Eric said he will.
Artie said this pisses him off because there are people out there who need the money and Eric doesn't need it. Fred said he's seen Eric yacking on his cell phone and he's not sure how he can afford to do that with no money. Artie said he has better Knick tickets than even Jay-Z has. Eric said those are Irish John's.
Howard said he's going to give Eric the money but he bets that Eric won't pay it back. Howard said it won't work even with him. Artie said he will never hand him that money. Howard pulled out $100 and gave it to Gary to give to Eric.
Eric said that he'll give it back to him next Tuesday morning (but they're on vacation). Howard said he's not naive, he knows he won't get the money back. Howard said he owes money to his landlord, the guy he stole money from and many others, and he will never pay it back.
Eric said he gets money on his unemployment card and he will give Howard his $100 back when he gets that. He said he only gets $182 on that card though.
Gary said that Eric got a hold of a friend of his who is a fan of the show. He said Eric nagged him for money and he nagged him for weeks to pay his cable bill. The guy couldn't take it anymore so he actually paid the bill for him.
Howard said that he knows he won't get this money back but he gave it to Gary anyway. Howard said Eric is fully capable of working and he really should get a job. Eric said that he will come up and give him the money in person next Tuesday. He said he'd be down to pick up the money in about 20 minutes.
Jon Hein came in and read through his Wrap Up Show preview before Howard had Robin start her news.
Robin said some people throw parties for their pets. Artie said that Jason throws parties for his cat. Howard said he doesn't do that. He doesn't even let his dog in their bed. Gary said that their dog puked in their bed and then the other night it was staring at them while they had sex. Gary said they had to throw a blanket over his head.
Howard asked Gary if he hates that the dog is in the bed now. Gary said sometimes it is a pain in the ass but sometimes he loves it. Artie said he thinks that he had a threesome with Dana's dog one time. The dog was always in the bed. He joked that he was kissing Dana and getting a blow job at the same time.
Robin read a story about Elisabeth Hasselbeck getting into trouble for possibly plagiarizing another book that was sent to her. Howard said this is why he won't read scripts or anything like that. Robin said they claim that she lifted the book word for word but Hasselbeck is claiming she didn't do what she's being accused of.
Robin read some stuff about these people who are eating Gluten free foods. Howard said that there are people who think that they're allergic to that stuff. He said that he tells people who tell him they can't eat this gluten that the food he's feeding them are gluten free and gives them extra. Robin said she and some friends did that to a fried who claimed that she was allergic to mushrooms. She said they went to a restaurant and had her eat some lasagna that had mushrooms in it and she didn't have any reaction at all.
Robin read some news about this guy Joseph Brooks that was arrested for scamming and seducing women through Craigslist. She had some audio of some people talking about what had gone on with the guy when the women would go to his apartment. Brooks wrote ''You Light Up My Life'' so the guys talked about that and threw some porn clips in the mix. Fred had the chick who yelps like a dog thrown in there. Artie suggested that they throw in the ''Can I taste your juice'' clip too. Howard said he thinks that they had it done pretty good with the other clips.
Robin read some news about a Scientology leader that was beating people. She said that people claimed that he had attacked one guy at least 50 times.
Robin read some news about Ed McMahon's death and about some people who were missing him. They say he was surrounded by family members when he died. Robin had some audio clips of some people talking about Ed's death. Robin said Arnold Schwarzenegger said some words about Ed. That led to Howard wondering if Arnold would be saying anything about Stuttering John when he passes away too. He imagined Arnold talking about how great John was at raising his coffee cup on the Tonight Show.
Robin had some audio of Dick Cavet talking about Ed McMahon and Johnny Carson. Fred threw in the ''You dick!'' clip from ''Fast Times at Ridgemont High'' when Robin mentioned Dick. Robin said that Britney Spears has even said some words about Ed since she was on his Star Search show when she was a little kid.
Robin brought up David Letterman and Howard wondered what was going on with his ratings against The Tonight Show. Artie said he read that they're almost dead even in overall viewers. He said that the demographics are different but they are overall basically tied.
Robin read some quotes from Dave about missing Ed McMahon. Howard said this kind of effects him more than Johnny's death did. He said it seems like a major milestone and it's the end of that old school horse shit. He said the guy was a nice guy.
Robin read some news about Oprah Winfrey spending some time over in Spain with her 1,700 employees. She's spending over $5,000 per person for the vacation. Howard and Artie were trying to do the math to figure out what she was spending. Artie was trying to do the math the wrong way and Howard was doing it really slow and gave up. Robin said she thinks it's about $9.1 million. Howard said the Howard TV guys actually came up with that number. Howard said that 9 million to Oprah is like 5 bucks to them.
Artie said that Drew Carrey used to bring his employees on vacations to the Bahamas and he'd pay for all of their stuff.
Robin said that Paul Giamatti is replacing Sean Penn in the Three Stooges movie as Larry Fine. Howard said he doesn't understand that whole thing. He said you can't recreate those characters. Robin said that they're going to be doing the life of the Three Stooges so they may not be trying to recreate the movies they did.
Robin read some news about a woman in Atlantic City who was reunited with a child she gave away after she was raped. She had no desire for a reunion and is suing the city for releasing the paperwork. Howard said that's a terrible thing. He said this poor woman didn't want to be reminded of a rape.
Robin read about some new Nixon tapes that were just released. Howard said they had some great clips of him being such a low life and they were fantastic. He said you think that he's a brilliant guy but then you find out he's just a dick. Howard said that you hear the guy saying racist stuff and it just goes on and on and on. Howard said the guy had some really whacked out thoughts.
Howard did an impression of Nixon and came up with some of those wacky things that Nixon used to say in those tapes. He was making stuff up and not quoting him directly. Howard said the guy would just go nuts.
Howard said he tried to tell his kids how crazy the tapes were because the guy had an image back then. They had no idea he was talking about this stuff in private.
Robin had some clips of Nixon talking on these tapes. She had Howard play those and Nixon was talking about the problems they've had with the Jewish people. That got Howard doing more of his Nixon impression.
Robin had some news about the protests going on in Iran. President Obama made some comments about that so Howard played those clips. Robin said that Obama was saying that we're not going to meddle with the Iranian government.
Robin had some audio of Obama talking about how he's still struggling with quitting smoking. Obama was saying that he doesn't smoke in front of the family but he does have one once in a while. He claims it's not daily though.
Robin read some news about swine flu and how that spread even though they tried to stop the spread. She had some audio of a guy talking about how many cases they've had around the country.
Robin had some news about the Metroliner crash down in Washington DC. She had some audio of one of the passengers talking about the crash. The guy saw the whole thing happen. Another guy saw the crash from his seat and was missed by about 3 seats. He helped a woman who was severely injured. Robin said she would have been out of that train if it were her. Robin said they're saying that it was probably a computer malfunction that caused the accident.
Robin read about the new FHM Top 100 hottest chicks list that just came out. She ran down some of the people on that list. She also had a top earning musicians list that she went through. That led to Howard doing his Nixon impression some more talking about the chicks on that list.
Robin read some news about Jon and Kate's separation announcement. She read some quotes from Kate about how Jon just didn't want to be with her anymore. The show is going on hiatus for a while because of this. Robin wrapped up with that and Howard ended the show around 10:50am. Artie got in a plug for a benefit show that he and Bob Levy are doing for Yucko the Clown on July 16th in Sayreville, NJ. Check RevBobLevy.com for more details.
Jon and Gary talked about the crazy life that Jason has had and how he made a living at skate boarding at first. Jon said that he's also fighting and doing the DJ thing there at SIRIUS XM. Gary said he's not sure if he's got to do the fighting thing to make money because they pay him so poorly there.
Jon said that Jason apparently thrives on the adrenaline he gets from fighting and stuff like that. Jon asked Gary if he agrees with the way he judges if something is gay or not. Gary said it's all subjective of course but it was good.
Danny the Mets hater called in and talked about Jason talking about roller blading and how that was gay and he disagreed with that because people play hockey on roller blades. Jon said he was referring to roller blading in the park and not playing hockey.
Danny told Gary that he has called into the show with different names of the Phillies every time he calls in and he also sent in a scrap book for Gary to see. Gary said he didn't know what Danny was talking about and he has to stop dissecting his comedy on the show. Danny said he just wants Gary to be honest. Gary said he can't be honest if he doesn't know what he's talking about.
Danny said that he sent in a CD for Gary too and he said nothing about it. He said it's like he's being all hush hush about it. Gary said that they don't hide anything like that and he's not sure what he's talking about with the CD. Danny said they seem to hide this stuff from the fans. Gary said that he doesn't hide anything from the fans. Gary said that the only thing he doesn't want the fans to hear is Danny... and hung up on him.
Jon said he was amazed that Howard actually gave Eric the money today. Gary said Eric just wore him down and that's what he did to his friend.
Gary said Eric was scheduled to be on the show one time and he called in saying he wasn't going to be there. Gary told him that if he didn't show up he'd never be on the show again. Gary said Eric kept calling every half hour asking to talk to him and he finally had to pick up because the guy had just worn him down.
Benjy asked Gary about the friend that paid Eric's cable bill and if he knew Eric. Gary said he met him at a personal appearance and his friend was recognized by Eric at this game he was at. He didn't know what he was getting into when he met Eric.
The caller said that it can be a funny thing on the show but it seems like Eric just wants to be on the air. Gary said that Eric doesn't seem to think ahead when he does this stuff. He's not going to have enough money to pay Howard back.
Jason came in and said that he just got back from talking to Eric and Eric told him that he will be able to get to Irish John's house and he will be eating for free there so he won't have to worry about that money right away.
Gary said he thinks that there are some Wack Packers who have jobs and he's not sure what these other people see in Eric. The guys like Irish John and Eddie the Produce Guy are friends with him and he's not sure why.
Gary said that they all know what Eric does though and they know he's a freeloader and they've seen him steal from people. He wondered how you can be friends with a guy you know is a thief. Jon said that some of the guys say they haven't had a problem with Eric and they're willing to put up with all of that stuff.
Gary said there are three people who are way more invested in Eric than they are, and even they won't give Eric money. Jason said that Eric is a user and a scam artist. He said Eric was saying that he was going to prove that he's a better man than they think he is by paying him back. Gary said that doesn't pay back all of the other people he owes money to though.
Jason said that Ronnie did much better than Robin did when she was quizzed about wine. Jason said that Ronnie is a car connoisseur. Ronnie said he's really not but he knows some stuff.
Gary said that he doesn't know anything about cars but his friends know a lot more than him. He said that he likes hearing about the really inside stuff like Ronnie and Corky were talking about. They were talking about transmissions and stuff like that.
A caller said he has to agree with Ronnie about the new Camaro. He said that they fucked up the design and he's not sure how they did that. The guy said he asked the guy at the dealer how they could have screwed it up. Jason told Ronnie the new Challenger is garbage. Ronnie said he doesn't know what he's talking about.
Jon asked Ronnie if he's really going to have Corky on his show. Ronnie said that he will but the show isn't about old cars and stuff, it's about the auto industry. Ronnie said they talk about leasing and what's going on with the auto business right now.
Ronnie said that they have guys on the show who know the business. Gary said the show was pitched by Wayne Segal because they always hear about what car to buy and how to go about it. That's where the whole show came from.
Jon played a clip of Ronnie and Corky arguing about the Camaro. Ronnie said that he was just trying to give Corky a hard time, he knew that he wasn't going to get that show from him.
Ronnie had to explain to the guys about what he was saying about the Camaro being built on the XLR in that clip. Ronnie said that they built the Camaro on the platform of that car. He said they took that body and threw it on that chassis. That's why it doesn't look like the old Camaro.
Ronnie told the guys about taking Gary out for drive one time and he was eating his cookies. Gary said that he remembers all of the Playboy stuff that he had on his car back then. He had Playboy stuff all over the car. Ronnie said that stuff didn't cost him all that much, it was pretty cheap.
Gary said that Howard had some issues with Ronnie's car and it was all identifiable so the fans would recognize it. Jon asked Ronnie if it bothered him that he had to get rid of the stuff and change it for Howard. Ronnie said he didn't have a problem. He said that if that's' what Howard wanted, that's what he did.
Ronnie said that he used to keep colored water in the decanters in the car and he used to drive people around that would start to drink it without asking. He said he loved that and got a laugh out of it when they'd do that.
Ronnie used to drive people around like Henry Kissinger for other shows. He used to drive John Gambling around too.
Jason said that Ronnie had a bunch of bumper stickers on his car too. Ronnie said that he only had two stickers on his window. He said it was a NASCAR sticker and a Bubba Army sticker. Jon said he never did that kind of thing on his car. He did have a license plate frame though.
Gary said Howard is afraid of bothering people with those kind of stickers or vanity plates. Gary said Howard asked him about what he would do if people hated the Jets and did something to his car. Gary said he never thought about that.
Ronnie said that he thought about putting ''Black Attack'' on his black Corvette but he was afraid that some people might get upset about that and damage his car.
Gary saw a picture of Ronnie's truck with the 8 bumper stickers on it. Ronnie said that was from 3 years ago and he doesn't even have that truck anymore. He said that's Jason trying to get under his skin.
Jon talked about a 300ZX he had a long time ago. He said that he was going to Michigan and you just don't go there with a car like that. He said he came out one day and the side of the car was keyed.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he agrees with Ronnie about the Challenger. He said he had to call him out on the Camaro. He said that it doesn't share a platform with the XLR, it shares it with the G8 Pontiac. He said that it's actually an Australian designed chassis. The caller said that the Challenger is a great car though. He said he has driven that. Gary said he was looking at the Camaro and it didn't look bad. Ronnie said he didn't think it looked bad, it just doesn't look retro like the '69 Camaro.
Jon wanted to get away from the Challenger and Camaro discussions. He asked Ronnie who else there is into cars. Ronnie said Fred is really into cars and there are some other people like Scott the Engineer who try to get into cars. He said no one else really seems to be into cars. He said Artie is kind of into them but not as much as Fred. He said that he's buying that Challenger so that's cool. Gary didn't hear that earlier so he just gave him a ''Nice!'' They had to go to break after that.
Benjy said Howard had an incredible chest. He said that his chest beat everyone in there. He said that overall Fred had everyone beat.
Gary said that he hasn't worked out in a long time so he didn't want to show just how fat he really is. Will said he probably looks okay but he had no desire to go in there and have his picture all over the internet. He said he'll keep the mystery there.
Jon asked who looked the worst. Gary quickly said it was Jason. Gary said he's got like 40 pounds on Artie and he's very hairy. Benjy said that you still look fat even after you lose a lot of weight. Benjy said he's down to about 208 and he's lost about 40 pounds. Benjy said he was down to 195 in a weight loss challenge one time. Benjy said he's going to get down to 170 and wants to do a make over with Beth when he gets there.
Jon asked about the weird bumps on Richard's chest. Will figured that was from not showering for a week at a time. Gary wondered if that's really what it was from. Benjy said it was like looking at an animal or a side show act or something.
The guys were talking about each of the guys and how odd they looked. Benjy said that Jason looks like one of those things you punch and it keeps popping back up.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he wanted to defend Will because he's always very cool to him when he calls in and he calls almost every day. Gary said it depends on the guy that Will is talking to. He said that some people are hard to deal with and that's when he gets frustrated.
The caller said he wanted to say that he's heard Jason's radio show but he's terrible and boring. He said he tries to make funny jokes and he's really just terrible. He said that he was great on the Stern Show today though. Gary said he's going to check it out in the afternoon since he's always looking for stuff to listen to in the afternoon. He said there's always Bubba though.
Wheels called in and said that he can't take the English accent. Gary told Wheels that he's Australian. Wheels didn't seem to care what accent it was, he didn't like the guy. Gary said that Jason wasn't in there trashing anyone else out there. Wheels said that Jason said he was the best thing on at 3 o'clock. Gary said of course he's going to say that, he has his own show and if he doesn't believe that, then maybe he shouldn't be doing a radio show. Will said that Wheels keeps that positive attitude even after that horrible accident he was in.
Jon asked about Jason's story about Chyna. Gary said it was interesting and he doesn't feel so bad about the way Chyna is because she made it that way.
Will said Jason had a great story about banging every whore on one block in Amsterdam one night. He said that was pretty impressive. Jason didn't tell that story today though.
A caller told the guys about how skate boarders have always had a thing for the inline skaters. The guys said it sounded like a plot for an 80s movie or something. Benjy said that's like motorcyclists who have problems with scooter riders.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she's been listening to Jason Ellis for a few years now and he really is the best on in the afternoon. She said that she likes Bubba but Jason is really great. Will said he heard that Jason and Bubba had a feud going on for a while but he didn't bring that up today.
Irish John said that they're upset about the SternFanNetwork people getting Eric's pets taken away from him too. They were working on getting them a home. He said they can all go to hell. Gary said that's the first nice thing they've heard about Eric and it was shocking to hear.
Gary asked John if he's afraid that Eric would steal from him. John said he's not afraid of that at all. He said he knows that Double A has let him stay over and he's left money out and Eric didn't take it.
Jon asked John why Eric is like that with some people and not others. John said that some people bait Eric over that stuff and they scam Eric.
Gary said that Eric has no credibility after all of the stuff he's been accused of doing before. He said that he's not sure that these people are scamming them to get on the air.
John said that Eric is a nice guy and they'd be surprised if they went out to dinner with him because he's actually a nice guy. Gary said he's been around Eric and he repeats the same stuff or sits there and doesn't say anything.
John was telling Gary that Eric's family have other priorities so they can't have Eric living with them. Gary said that Eric is a pretty big priority. John said that Eric is a lot of fun with them and whenever he goes to that dark place with his nephew, Eric is the one he can talk to about it because he's the only one that will talk to him about it without throwing stuff in his face.
Taylor said he thinks that they could charge for people to come and see the ball and stuff like that. Jon congratulated him on buying the ball. Gary said he had to give a shout out to his buddy Tony Daniels too. He was there visiting and he's one of the guys who made the Pavarotti calls. Tony said a quick hello but they had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about bringing in some DVDs for Robin. He said one of them was the History of the Munsters that aired on A&E. The other is next week's Bachelorette courtesy of Robert Mills. Howard said that Robin had disappeared into the bathroom for about 10 minutes this morning before the show so he figured she wasn't putting on make up and she was probably shitting. Robin said that's not what she was doing. She said she was putting on her make up. Howard asked her to leave the door open when she does that so they don't have to speculate.
Robin said that she has no mirror or chair in her office so she has to go into the bathroom. Howard said when Robin takes a dump in there it actually smells better than it normally does so he'd prefer that she does.
Wolfie called in and asked Howard if he could play some Ed McMahon audio clips they created using Ed's audio book. Howard said they'll have to play those. Artie joked that he didn't know they were doctored. Gary said they'll have them up on the board soon.
Howard said Ed never go to talk about how much he really hated Johnny Carson. He said he was listening to Bubba yesterday and Bubba said that it's a good thing Ed died when he did because he didn't have any money. Howard said it's kind of sad and not comprehendable that he didn't have any money in the end.
Howard talked about how Ed had to give up a lot of his money to his ex-wives and they probably deserved it for having to bang that old bag of bones. Robin said he wasn't that bad. Howard said Robin never would have banged Ed. She said he might be right about that.
Howard said Ed's whole job was sucking Johnny's cock and when it comes down to it, the women wanted Johnny and not Ed. Howard said that the women in his life really wanted a pay day. He said the one who was with him in the end is the one who really loved him. He said that's the sad thing about it.
Howard said Bubba was saying that Dick Clark is the guy who will probably go next. Howard said at least Dick has his money. He's held on to every penny he ever made and held on to every wife. Howard said he probably has a nice day every day. Howard said he probably has a pretty nice day. Robin said you never have to worry about Dick. Howard said he never worries about Dick on any day.
Wolfie wondered why Ed went broke. Howard said he must have been the worst business man on the planet. Howard said all he had to do was announce stuff and talk to Johnny. Howard said he was spending stuff like he was a guy with an act that he could do anywhere.
Howard played some of the Ed McMahon clips that they edited together to make him say some crazy stuff. They had him talking about Johnny and Doc Severenson. A few of them had to do with ''little boys.'' There was one about Dom Deluise shitting on him. The guys got some laughs out of those clips.
There was one Ed clip where he talked about some yellow discharge that came out of his nuts. Howard said he had one where he talked about Art Linkletter too. That one was about Art butt fucking an English Sheep Dog. In another clip Ed talked about things getting out of control. That clip went on and on talking about some crazy sex stuff that was going on during the Tonight Show.
Howard played a clip of Ed talking about Raquel Welch shitting on his penis and Doc pissing on his face. Howard said that was when Raquel was hot too. There was another one where they had Ed saying that Zsa Zsa Gabor had giant cunt lips.
In another clip they talked about Ed getting milk out of his colon. Howard said he thinks that was big in the 1930s. Howard jokingly said they used to do that on the Burns and Allen show. Howard said there was another clip of Ed talking about jacking off some young kids. He played that one as well. Artie was laughing his ass off and saying that this was some tribute to the guy.
Howard said he would pick Scott the Engineer. Howard said Dan scares him with this stories about knives and stuff. Howard said he loves what he does for the show but the guy scares him. He played Dan's latest song parody about Robin. It was ''Robin Lick My Testicles.'' Howard said that he defies anyone to put that song together on a home computer.
Howard said he loves Sal a lot too but the stuff that comes out of his mouth is whacked out. Robin said Sal was telling Howard that he should shave when he had his shirt off. That creeped her out. Artie said that Sal also fucked himself out of going to Howard's wedding. He said he was so obnoxious that he got banned from the wedding. Howard said that stuff would always be in the back of his head if he was over at his house.
Howard said that Scott has started doing stuff for the show and he's using about 90 percent of the stuff he sends to him. He said Scott can also have a good conversation with you. He said he's done that a few times but the conversations only last a few seconds. Howard said he can be kind of comforting. Howard said he feels good about Scott being on the team. Robin said she always feels that way.
Scott came in and Howard said he looks good. He's lost about 40 pounds. Scott said he gained some weight back after the weight loss challenge and surgery. He said he felt like crap over the winter and he decided to lose some of it.
Howard asked Scott about the dog they were going to get rid of. Scott said they still have it and the dog is fine. He said they haven't had any surgery done on it yet. He said they will do what they have to do when the time comes. Scott said the dog is a handful for a Golden Retriever. Scott said they've trained the dog and that has helped.
Robin said that she spent the night at Scott's house one night and he had a dog that didn't like him. Scott said he still has that one.
Howard said Sal was upset that he didn't get invited to his daughter's Bat Mitzvah. Howard said that's just weird and he has verbalized it to other people there.
Howard told Wolfie that he would pick Scott out of all of those guys. Howard said he won't be having Scott to his house but out of those three, that's the one he would pick. Howard said that Scott is the best out of the three maniacs. Howard said he's glad that Scott is getting into shape though.
Howard said Gary is like the Ed McMahon of their show. Howard said he's always trying to do stuff to make some extra money and he will go out and do all kinds of stuff. He said Gary got this shot to do channel 11 and they're the worst. He said that everyone ends their career there at channel 11 after being on a network. Howard said that's the one last stop before going to the old age home. He said that everyone seems to be unhappy there.
Gary said that some people have gone to channel 9 which is even worse. Gary said he watched a CW 11 special a while back and they were bragging about the line up of reruns they used to run. They were also bragging about the guy they had working there that came up with the video Yule log idea.
Howard said that it's always the end of your career there. He said that Gary got a shot on being Gadget Gary over there and he went in and did that a few times. Howard said you don't see Gadget Gary there anymore. Howard said he thinks that they burned out on it. Gary said that he had to back out of doing a shot in May. He's going to be back on in July. Howard said that if he were Techno Beaver, they'd have him on every week.
Gary said he's not against the Techno Beaver idea. He said he would do it but they don't want him to do it. Gary said Jason even found a beaver outfit for him to wear. Howard said that Jason is a gem. Gary said he figured that they would have jumped right on it but no one is going for it.
Howard told Gary that he has to just go out and do it. He said that no one thought he was doing the right thing when he got into radio. Now they know better. Howard said Gary should stick with him and he'll make him big.
Howard talked about how bad TV has gotten lately. He said they're doing all of this crappy reality TV now and that's the laziest thing they can do. Howard said that he loves reality TV but it's really lazy stuff. Howard said that when they do these reality shows about people like Anna Nicole Smith, it's just a train wreck. Howard said that they're all ill people. Artie is still thinking about doing his reality show. Howard said that Artie isn't ill.
Howard said that the bigger scumbag you are, the better you'll be on a reality show. They mentioned Jon and Kate Plus 8 as one of those shows. Howard said that Simon Cowell just signed a deal to do a show and the guy really has no talent other than telling people they can't sing. Howard said Paula Abdul hasn't figured out that being negative can make you a ton of money. Same thing with Randy. Howard said he hasn't figured it out either.
Howard talked about how awful TV is and how people like Sanjaya can't figure out that he's gay. Howard brought up late night TV too. He said that Conan and David Letterman can't get any ratings. He said their battle is embarrassing. He said that they're getting 2.8 and 2.9 ratings now. He said the real battle is between Conan and Jay Leno. Howard said Dave has the same ratings he's always had. He didn't gain or lose anyone. Howard said that Dave hasn't found one more person to watch him even though Jay is gone.
Howard said Conan lost all of Jay's audience and no one can find them. Howard said they haven't seen the bottom of the barrel yet for Conan. He said he loves Conan but the ratings are affected by the lead in to the show. Howard said Jay Leno has to perform and work hard to get the ratings to feed the audience to Conan. Howard said that the news is going to drag Jay's viewers down and then Conan will be left with nothing. Howard said we haven't seen the worst of it yet for Conan.
Howard said this governor was caught when he told everyone he was out camping in the mountains. He said it turns out he ran off to Argentina to meet with this woman. Howard said the guy was sending out creepy emails and he knew he was going to get caught. Howard said this is what happens when you have four kids at home and you wake up next to a broad who looks like his grandmother. Howard said the guy just wanted some new action.
Howard said this guy is such a hypocrite though. He wanted to impeach Clinton back in the day. Howard said the guy is a republican and he wanted Clinton out. Howard said half of America is cheating and it shows that they have bad judgment.
Howard said this Governor came home from Argentina and his wife wouldn't let him come home. He went right into the press conference when he came home. Howard said the wife won't let him come home but the guy is the governor so she has no right to keep him out.
Howard said that this guy's name is Mark Sanford. He had some audio of the apology he was making in the press conference yesterday. Howard said he hadn't heard the clips yet so if they get boring he'll just bail out.
In the clip we hear Sanford apologizing to his kids and wife. He said he was sorry he let them down. Sanford then said that he didn't want to do it in this realm but since ''y'alls'' were there then he was going to do it. Sanford went on to explain that he wasn't in the Appalachian mountains like he claimed he was. Sanford was rambling on and on about this stuff. Robin wondered if he had bad sex there. Howard said that he's pretty sure it was good. Howard said the guy should have shown a picture of his wife and this woman he went to visit and that would have explained it all.
Sanford went on to apologize to more people. Howard cut that off and read some of the emails the guy was sending out to this chick. Howard said he was praising her tan lines in the mail. Howard said this guy sounds like a real douche. Howard read more about what this guy was saying to the woman and he was telling her he was in love with her and not his wife. Howard said he'll probably disappear after all of this chases him out of office. He said he'll probably end up in Argentina.
Howard goofed on Sanford and said that he's as creepy as that guy Frank Gannon who told Robin how great she was. Howard said this guy is in the creepy category. He said he goes on to tell this woman to sleep soundly and how his heart was crying out for her. Howard said this guy was a ''fucking lame ass.'' Robin said that wasn't his heart crying out either. Howard said they need to give guys lessons on how not to be such assholes with chicks. Howard said this guy is clueless.
Howard played some of the Vinnie Favale tapes that he sent to his wife. Robin asked Howard not to play those, she just went to lunch with him. Howard kept playing them and asked if it was crazier to talk like that or the fact that he actually gave them the tapes. Howard, Artie and Robin all goofed on Vinnie doing impressions of him talking to Debbie.
Artie said that tape was so embarrassing that he was going to hide the fact that he's Italian. Howard played more of the Vinnie tapes and goofed on him some more. Howard was making up some stuff Vinnie could have said to his wife back when he was making those tapes if he knew what the future was going to be like.
Howard said that you never kiss into a microphone either. Vinnie did that quite a bit in those clips. Howard went on and on goofing on Vinnie about all of that stuff.
Howard said in France there is no scandal when guys misbehave. He said here in the United States we like to pretend that this stuff isn't going on. Howard said this guy Sanford should be thrown out of office because he's lying about it all and being a hypocrite.
Howard said he actually has a check that Moe had signed. He said he had a picture of him too. He said that reminds him how much he likes the Three Stooges but he ended up throwing the check out. He said he had it hanging on his wall but he had to just throw it out. Howard said he has a lot of his own stuff that he could be hanging on the wall.
Howard said he has a feeling that he'll see the same kind of stuff at this Stoogium. Howard said he loves Moe and he thinks he was a genius. He said that Larry and Curly were geniuses too but Curly Joe Besser and Shemp, not so much. Howard said he imagines going there and seeing a lot of stuff that he doesn't care about.
Gary said that he, Fred and Jackie got some of that stuff for Howard. Gary said that stuff cost them $300. Howard said he didn't actually throw it in the garbage, but he didn't hang it on his wall. Howard said that stuff is important to some people but not that important to him. Robin said you might want to see a script that was written by Moe or something like that.
Howard said he spent years studying this Torah in Hebrew and he's not kidding about having some old Rabbi's dried out lips wrapped around his cock. Artie said he'd rather blow Howard than try to teach him Hebrew.
Howard said this Tutor was found guilty of 31 counts of molestation according to the article he was reading. Howard said. That led into Howard playing some of the audio of him singing some of those Hebrew songs from his childhood.
Howard read more of the article where they talk about where this stuff took place. Howard played more of his childhood tape and said he had sent this stuff along to his grandfather and he's sure he didn't even listen to it. The tape goes on and on. Artie said that's impressive that he learned it. Howard said they should have taught him ''Hotel California'' instead. Howard said his grandfather should have pulled him aside and told him that he could have made some money learning Beatles songs instead. Howard sang some ''Black Bird'' as he was talking about that.
Howard said when he was 13 he had the hottest girlfriend. He said she had tits as big as Artie's mom's. Robin said it was wrong to think about a 13 year old like that. Artie said it was very disturbing thinking about a 13 year old with his mother's tits. Howard said this girl saw him on stage at this Bar Mitzvah thing and never spoke to him again. He said that whole thing didn't do him any good at all.
Howard played more of the audio and complained about it. Then Gary told Howard that his mother Ray was on the phone. Howard got Ray on the line and she told him that this was important for him and it helped him get his brain up and going. Ray said he was learning something that was very valuable.
Howard asked his mom how it was valuable. Ray said that every young Jewish boy does this stuff. Howard said his mom told him not to follow the crowd but she made him do this stuff. Ray said Howard wanted to do this stuff. She said that's why he ended up doing it.
Ray asked Howard what he got out of the joke books he was reading. Howard said he got enjoyment out of that. Robin said those books may have helped Howard develop his sense of humor. Ray said that Howard learned this stuff and it wasn't a waste of time. Howard insisted it was a waste of time.
Howard said the whole thing was ridiculous. Ray told him he was using his brain learning that stuff. She said it was wrong for him to make fun of this.
Ray said it was a beautiful thing and he shouldn't be poking fun at it. Howard said she should be ashamed that she made him learn this stuff. Ray said his kids learned the same thing. Howard said it wasn't because of him. He said he told his kids how ridiculous the whole thing was.
Howard said his mother has confessed to him that she gets more spirituality from Transcendental Meditation than she does from Temple. Ray said that's true but that has nothing to do with this. Howard said he should have had more joke books and her throwing them out wasn't right.
Howard said that Irene left him because of his Bar Mitzvah. Ray said that she was some girlfriend. She said he was only 13 back then. Howard said her breasts were as big as his mom's and she was only 13. Ray said Howard knew nothing about girlfriend back then. Howard said she's right, he was putting it in the wrong end back then.
Howard told Ray that he made that tape for her father and he's sure he never even heard it. Ray said he was very proud of Howard when he sent that tape to him. Ray said Howard is a big complainer. Howard said that guy didn't even come to his Bar Mitzvah. Howard said the guy was smart for not showing up. Ray said the song was beautiful.
Howard said he would rather be in jail than learn that song. He said he's glad he got out of that house he was living in. He wants to be emancipated from his parents now.
Howard said he loves his mommy though. He said she has all of her marbles and she's 80 years old. Howard said that's great. Howard said she locks herself up in the house and that's why she still has those marbles. Howard said she just sits still and doesn't put herself in any danger.
Howard thanked his mom for putting him through that bullshit from the age of 6. Ray said that was an awful thing he was saying. Howard said it was a huge waste of time. Ray said that was wrong of him to say. She said it's great to have that knowledge. Howard said it makes no sense and it's meaningless. Ray said he did it and now he can say he did it. Howard said it was worthless. Ray kept saying it wasn't worthless. Howard insisted it was.
Howard said he wishes that Fred could build a time machine so he could go back and change history. Howard said the song is good for something. He said it's good for attracting Arab terrorists. He said playing the song is like terrorist bait. Ray said Howard knows it's wrong to say this stuff.
Howard said he learned the song but he doesn't know what the translation is. Ray didn't know it either. Howard asked why she didn't put herself through that. She said she didn't have the chance to do that.
Ray was goofing on Howard about his little girlfriend that he had at 13. Howard told her about the book he found that they had in the house called ''On Your Wedding Night'' that was full of instruction on what to do during sex. Ray wanted to get out of the conversation and said she had to go. Howard let her go.
Howard played some of the audio where he's saying hi to his grandmother and grandfather in the tape he sent to them. He thanked them for the cuff links that they had sent to him. Howard said he should have said that they should see his girlfriend's tits and that he wanted to fuck her but his penis was too small.
Howard said he lost that girlfriend over that thing. Howard wondered why she never learned those words. Robin said Ray said she didn't have the chance. Howard went on to do an impression of Ray talking to him about the history of her family and how tough it was for her to grow up.
Howard said his mother was being a bit passive aggressive when she was telling him that he's now a big shot. He said she even wants to take that away from him. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa said that rain is the new black. It had been raining there in New York quite a bit.
Lisa said that they have a story about Rosie O'Donnell getting her own radio show there at SIRIUS this fall. Howard said he knew that. Howard said he wants to talk about this. He said that Rosie is coming to SIRIUS and he's a bit upset, but not with Rosie. Howard said he's happy she's coming. He said she's really good on her own doing blogs and talking about what's going on in her life. Howard said he believes she will be good for SIRIUS XM.
Howard said Rosie isn't going on Out Q the gay channel though. He jokingly said she told him that they're even too gay for her. Howard went on to say that he developed this affection for Rosie and had her on the show. He said he told her on and off the air she'd be great on satellite radio. He told her to talk to Scott Greenstein and she said she would think about it. Howard gave her some contact information and turned Scott onto her. Howard said he wanted to bring her to their channels, 100 and 101. Howard said that would have been nice.
Howard said no one told him Rosie was coming. He said he's just an employee there. He said they told him he was a partner in this thing but he must be just a pee on. He said he's really just an employee like High Pitch Eric. Howard said he forgot his place there.
Howard said he would have asked for Rosie to be on his channel. He said he'd love to have her on there. It was his dream to bring her there. Now they've set this whole thing up and he wasn't consulted about it. Howard said he now knows his place there and knows that he's not that important to them. Management thinks of him as an asshole. He said that they use him to get her there and then drop him out of the whole thing.
Howard said he's just an asshole. Fred played the Denis Leary song ''I'm an Asshole'' and Robin said she wanted to say something. Howard said that management knows what they're doing there. He said Scott is very smart. Robin said that this is reminding her of Viacom, Infinity and CBS. Howard said that's not right, they know what they're doing there. (No they don't.)
Lisa said that Rosie will be doing her show in the mornings over on channel 102. Howard said that was very bright of them to leave him out of the decision. Robin asked Howard why he would be upset if he tried to get Rosie on the channel and he was left out of the whole thing. Howard asked what right he should have to be included in something he set up.
Howard said that Rosie's show is going to be on from 10 to Noon. He said that she'll be on Stars 102. Howard said that's a good channel. He said that being on his channel would be dumb. He was being sarcastic of course.
Howard said he'd like to find out who else he can attract to SIRIUS and not be involved with. He said he just forgot his place and messed up. He said he thought for a second that he mattered. He obviously doesn't. He said he's just one small cog in the big machine that is SIRIUS. Howard said he's really not that important.
Howard said that all he is, is dust in the wind. Howard said he's in the middle of trying to get Arnold Schwarzenegger to be a host on Coffee House. He said that's his job there, to get hosts for all of the other channels there.
Howard played some ''Dust in the Wind'' and pointed out how he's not useful there, just dust in the wind. He and Artie were singing the song together.
Howard jokingly said he just negotiated a deal to get Sarah Palin on the NASCAR channel. Lisa asked Howard what he really wanted to do with Rosie. Howard said he wanted a shot at knowing it was going on and maybe having her on his channel. He said he now understands that he shouldn't be consulted. He said they can use his contacts to get people to work there. He said that's the reason she got the job there, because of him. He said she came on the show and they took her details from him. Howard said they've done everything they can to crush his spirit.
Howard said he forgets that he's really not part of the team there. Howard apologized to his fans for making that mistake. He said he forgets that he's really just ''dust in the wind.''
Artie said that they wouldn't have gotten any press if they had a press conference saying that Rosie was going to be on Howard 101. Howard said that Lisa G go to make the announcement on their channel instead. Howard said he had stupid thoughts about making big news about this whole thing. The smart thing is that they kept it quiet from him and slithered... or walked... around behind the scenes instead. Howard said it would have been stupid for he and Rosie to pop up on Letterman to make this announcement.
Howard said it would have been bad for the company because they'd have to figure out how to get the signal to more people that signed up for the service. Howard said he's going to meet with Scott today and tell him how brilliant it was. Howard said Rosie is going to follow ''Angels on Call'' over on SIRIUS Stars. He said that should make big news.
Robin said that they don't need to tell anyone about this, just the subscribers. Howard said he sees now... That's a great plan. Howard said they're maxed out with office space there anyway so why try to make more money? He said that this is a brilliant plan.
Howard said he's glad that Lisa made the announcement. Robin said that everyone is now under whelmed. Howard said Lisa must have had a meeting with management. Lisa said ''Yeah...'' Howard said this low key plan to announce this is brilliant.
Howard said that at least they can't credit Ross with this plan. He's busy going to see Bruce Springsteen concerts. Howard said that he could have been let in on the plan to help them make a big deal out of it. They didn't bother so he wonders who he thinks he is to want to help make this thing huge.
Howard said he's never seen a more brilliant approach to a start up organization. Howard said if he was in on the meetings then he would have told Lisa to mumble the news instead of speaking it clearly.
Robin said that maybe they didn't want to generate more money or have a rush on equipment. Artie said that they wanted to put more money into the Stars channel instead of Howard's channels. Howard said he thought it might be a good idea to include him in some of the decisions and they looked at him like he was nuts. Howard said they might be right for not letting him in. He never would have come up with this brilliant idea to have Lisa G make the big announcement that Rosie is coming there. He said he just makes too big of a deal out of everything.
Howard said he likes that story. He asked Lisa what else she's got for them. Lisa asked if he was sure he wanted her to go on. Howard said absolutely.
Lisa read about Jillian Barberie going back to work at Good Morning L.A. and how things between her and Dorothy Lucy and her are even worse since she was on the Stern Show.
Howard told Lisa to tell them about Tom Cruise joining the weather channel there. Lisa did a fake news report about that to play along with him.
Lisa said that Artie's book is climbing the beset seller list. Artie said that's from being on the Stars channel. He laughed and said that's what made his book huge, the Stars channel. Robin told Artie he's doing it all wrong by being on Howard's channels. Lisa said that Artie is up to number 6 on the Best Seller list for paperbacks.
Lisa said that Maria Menounos has talked to them about a scene that she shot with Richard Christy for a new movie she's producing. Howard said that's going to be a huge movie. She said that Maria has also said they have another person from the show that might be in the movie. Artie said that Maria did ask him to do a scene. He had lunch with her the other day and she might have the prettiest face ever. He said she's very nice too. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said that call was brilliant. Artie agreed. Howard said it was right up there with the Tradio call from yesterday.
Howard read about Farrah Fawcett being near death. Howard said it's really sad because they all beat off to her poster back in the 70s. Artie said she was a very special kind of good looking back then.
Howard said she's dying of anal cancer of all things. He said that's irony because her ass was so great. Howard said he loves this guy Ryan O'Neal who is getting a lot of mileage out of this. Howard said he's pretty sure they were married at one point but got divorced. Howard said Farrah agreed to marry him again. She can't even speak though and she had to just nod her head.
Howard said this kid Redmond should get his shit together for his mother. Robin said that Ryan and Farrah were never married before. Howard said he thought they were.
Howard said that they will probably have a successful marriage because she's dying. Howard said the time to marry her was when she was healthy. Howard said a 2 day marriage is very easy.
Howard said that this guy Busta Rhymes was busted outside of Pink Elephant, a club in New York, when he wasn't able to get in right away. Howard said that if any celebrity showed up to his club he'd let them right in. Howard said that it's not possible they didn't recognize Busta Rhymes.
Howard said it's all based on who is in the club when you go to one of these places. Howard said that the door man can't keep Busta waiting. Howard said these clubs change ownership every year or two and it can't be a fun thing to run.
Howard said he's missing that Saddam Hussein now. He said that the guy lived right next to those nuts in Iran and the reason he was saying he had weapons of mass destruction was to keep Iran from invading his ass. Howard said Bush took care of that by taking Saddam out of commission. Howard said this poor Obama isn't going to be able to pull the troops out of Iraq either. There is no getting out of there.
Howard said Obama is getting grey hair already and he's starting to look like Hoke in ''Driving Miss Daisy.'' Howard said Bush is as happy as a clam now that he's out of there. Artie read that they sent 40,000 more troops over to Iraq.
Howard was picking that whole speech apart telling the guy to get some decent grammar. Sanford was thanking some people for being there for him.
Howard said that most people cheat and that's just a fact. He said this guy is the governor and of course people are going to think that something is up if he vanishes for 7 days. Robin said he should have just said he wanted to go out and fuck.
Howard asked JD what clip is the best to play. JD said that the last clip he pulled was pretty rambling. He said he didn't make one mark for an interesting moment in the last clip. He said that the guy was talking about his friend in one clip and that was kind of weird.
Howard played more of the press conference where Sanford tells a reporter that he was going to get more information than he wanted. Sanford admits that what he did was wrong and then asked the reporters to hold off for a moment while he spoke. Howard said the guy was saying that he met this chick in an innocent way and didn't expect this.
In the clip Sanford was saying that this person was separated at the time he met her. She had kids and she wanted to get some advice for her divorce. Howard said the President of France didn't put up with any of this nonsense, he just divorced his wife and went out and got a hot chick.
Howard tried to go back to the clip but the pause wasn't working. He had to fast forward through some of that stuff. He got to the point where Sanford talked about meeting this chick. Howard said he was telling the story slowly and kept stopping the reporters from asking him other questions.
Howard said that once a guy starts emailing chicks then you know it's over. He said that's what this guy was doing. Howard played more of the audio and goofed on the guy through the whole thing. Fred was doing his French accent and speaking out as if he were the French President giving the guy some advice on what he really should have done.
Howard figured this guy was going to have to resign. Robin didn't think he would. Howard said Elliot Spitzer had to resign. JD said he did resign from some Republican thing already. Howard said he hasn't resigned from being governor though.
Howard asked Artie if he's going to be okay out in Vegas. Artie said he has a team of people to keep an eye on him. He said he will gamble but he won't be drinking or doing any drugs out there. The girlfriend isn't coming and she's moved out now. Artie said that he won't be seeing his favorite whore out there either. He said there are many reasons for that. Robin said one of the reasons might be drugs. Artie said ''Well... yeah.''
Artie said that he's prepared for the trip. Howard said he can see that he's had plenty of time being sober, just a few months, so he should be fine.
Howard said that Sabrina Deep has taken a lot of loads to her face. Howard said that Robin has taken some to the face too. Robin said she never said she had. That led into them playing ''Nuts on her Chin'' to the tune of ''Dust in the Wind.'' That was one of Little Mikey's songs.
Howard said that this guy Mikey has gone song crazy. He was just in there the other day and he wrote three new songs. He played another one of them and it was ''Robin Please Blow Me Right Now.'' He also had ''Cock is Standing.'' Howard said Robin set him on fire. He said he's not sure what it is about her that sets that guy off.
Howard asked Robin how her dinner was with Beth last night. Robin said Beth is very happy and Howard is very lucky to have her. Howard asked how much the wine was last night. Robin said she didn't choose it.
Howard said they have a power button so you can adjust the amount of vibration. The app is called the ''My Vibe.'' Howard read some of the details about the app and then went to break.
Howard came back and had the guys bring in Sabrina Deep. He said it's not often they have royalty in the studio. She's the Queen of Bukkake. She's promoting her new world Bukkake tour. Sabrina said that she says Bukkake the way the Japanese would say it. She didn't know she was doing it that way. She said that's just her messed up accent. She was born in Canada and lives in Italy.
Howard said went on Sabrina's web site and felt bad for her when he saw what she had to do. Sabrina said she really loves what she does.
Howard said to be the Bukkake queen is something else. She took 2700 loads to her face. Howard asked how she got into the business. She said it was an accident. Artie said it sounds like a lot of accidents. Robin said she's never had a load on her face. Howard asked Sabrina if it stings when she gets a load in her eye. She said it really does but you get used to it.
Howard said he was watching some of the videos on her web site and he felt so bad for her. He said she looked like she was drowning. Sabrina said that guys are really into that stuff though. She said that she will also do something called ''gokoon'' where she catches the loads in a bowl and drinks it.
Howard said that Sabrina does these things with 25-50 guys and the guys can get in on them for free. Sabrina said that she gets on her knees and that's the hard part. She said that her knees hurt when she does that.
Sabrina said that she's been told that she gives a great blow job. She said that she doesn't like to brag but that's what she's been told. Sabrina also talked about how she uses her mouth on a guy and how she can feel stuff on her tongue that helps her get them off.
Howard asked Sabrina if she's into girls at all. She said she really is. She asked ''who isn't into girls?'' Sabrina said that she really doesn't keep track of how long she stays at it with guys but she can do the Bukkake thing for an hour or hour and a half or so.
Howard asked Sabrina what this whole thing is about and why she does it. She said she's not sure what it is. She said her dad is actually a really cool guy and he was at Woodstock so he's the old school hippie type. Robin figured she was neglected if he was an old hippie type.
Howard asked Sabrina if she was afraid that her family was going to disown her. She said she didn't have that fear and the family isn't like that. She said she's not asking her parents to get on their knees and take loads on their face. She said her parents aren't like the parents who say that the kids are an expression of what they are.
Howard asked Sabrina what she was studying to be when she was younger. She said she wanted to be a veterinarian.
Howard asked about these parties she throws and said that she just does them for free for the fans. Sabrina said she loves the fans and sometimes she will video tape them but not all the time. Sabrina said it's not about making money and it's more about just sharing sex because she thinks that sex is such a great thing. Howard said that he might have to do this with his fans.
Sabrina told Howard about the day she had the biggest Bukkake thing and how one guy after another just came in and blew their loads on her face. Howard said she had a gang bang too and she got tired of sex after 6 hours. She had 30 or 40 orgasms during that. Howard said that's an amazing record. She said it got pretty messy that day because there was a lot of squirting going on.
Sabrina likes to get peed on and likes to pee on guys. She also drinks her own pee. She said that's a big thing for some guys. Howard asked her what she won't do. He asked if she would put her own fist up her backside. She said she has just started doing that and she was amazed that it actually fit.
Howard asked why she did the fisting thing. She said that someone told her to do one more finger on a web cam and she just kept going. She said she has said no to some things though. She said that she had a guy who was into ice dildos and she had to say no to that. She said she did try it once. Howard said he once put both feet up his ass because he was desperate for love.
Sabrina said she's actually married to an Italian guy and he loves all of this stuff. Howard asked if he ever gets surprised by anything she does. She said she loves to tell him about the fisting thing and stuff like that.
Howard asked Sabrina if she ever moves her hand around inside there. Sabrina said that it's not like having a cock up your ass and the fist is almost too big. Howard asked how long it took her to get it in there. She said it did take a while. Robin asked if she was on drugs to get it in there. She said she wasn't on anything.
Howard asked what kind of rules they have in their marriage. Sabrina said she can't kiss guys. She can't let guys finger her either. She said she's afraid of getting scratched and the guy having dirty fingernails.
Sabrina's husband Fabio was there so Howard asked the guys to bring her in. Robin said it looked like he was wearing a skirt. Sabrina said it was a shirt.
Howard asked Fabio why he doesn't get upset with his wife doing what she's doing. Fabio said he knows what she's doing and she's not doing it behind his back. He said that Howard probably doesn't know what his wife is doing when he's not there. Howard said he knows what Beth is up to.
Fabio said that he would rather know what his wife is doing than have her doing it behind his back. Howard said he gets that. He just wants honesty and he's fine with her doing this Bukkake stuff.
Howard asked Fabio if he ever fucks around. Fabio said he's very loyal and he doesn't do anything like that. He said he doesn't mess around with other women. They have had a threesome but he only does stuff with her while she's doing stuff with the other woman.
Howard said that this is a wild life they're living. Robin asked what kind of rules Fabio has for her. Fabio said that she can't kiss, no fingering, or anything that she didn't discuss in advance. Howard asked what he would do if she kissed a guy. He asked if he would break up with her if he kissed a guy after 50 guys had blown loads on her face.
Howard and Artie were goofing on the two of them and the strange rules they have. Fabio has no problem with 77 guys blowing loads on her face in one movie but if she kisses one, then he has a problem.
Robin asked if Fabio pees on her. He said it's not something he does every morning but he has done it. Howard asked why he did it. He said that he gets to get some stuff out of him that he has bottled up inside. Howard asked if he ever just shits on her. Fabio said he hasn't done that because that would be nasty. Sabrina said that's a new rule, no shitting.
Howard told Sabrina and Fabio that they should be on a reality show. He said that they'd be very interesting. Artie said they could call the show ''Fucked Up.''
Howard said Fabio tried to get Sabrina booked on some other talk shows in the city. He tried to get her booked on Regis and Kelly. Fabio didn't know that they would never book her. Sabrina told him that those shows just aren't the type of shows that are going to have her but he thought that they had to try anyway.
Howard said he thinks it would be great if Sabrina was on Ellen or something like that. He said he'd love to see her getting bukkake'd on that show while Ellen dances around.
Howard asked Sabrina about having sex on film. She said that guys don't cum inside of her, they can fuck her but no cum in the pussy. Howard asked Fabio when he fell in love with Sabrina. He said it was the day they met. Sabrina said he was using a pay phone and needed some help with that. Artie asked if it was 1972 when they met.
Howard told Sabrina that Robin was the Queen of All Media. Sabrina asked if she had a crown. Robin doesn't so Sabrina told her she should demand one.
Howard asked Sabrina about having a lesbian experience at the age of 7. She quickly told that story and said that she felt good back then. Howard said she claims that she's seen a UFO too. Howard asked what's wrong with her. Robin said with all of the stuff she's had in her eyes, she's probably seeing things.
Howard asked where she saw this UFO. She said it was on a country road up in Ontario Canada. She said she had a dream the next night about them chasing her. She also had a dream about Howard before she came on the show. She said that Howard was her teacher in the dream and she asked him to fuck her in the dream. She said that he eventually did it in the dream but she caught him fucking another girl.
Howard gave Sabrina some more plugs and asked if they're going to have kids. Fabio said in a couple of years maybe. He said maybe 2 years or so. Sabrina said she won't continue to do what she's doing when she has the kid. Sabrina said she will pass her crown on to someone else. Artie picked Fabio as his favorite guest of the month. Howard said he hopes they get on Regis or Ellen. Sabrina said she'd like to get on Ellen.
Howard asked Sabrina if she wanted to show a boob or anything. She wanted to ride the Sybian. Howard said he thought it was broken. He had them put her on it anyway.
Sabrina got on the Sybian and Gary said he was going to wear two masks because he heard that she can ''do things'' (Squirt). Gary got into the masks and Howard wasn't able to hear him since he was behind the masks. Howard had Gary start the Sybian a short time later and told her not to fake her orgasms. He said he wanted a real performance. She didn't know if she could put pressure on the thing or not. Howard told her that's what it was made for.
Sabrina said it felt like she was riding on top of a train with her clit on the edge of it. As Gary turned it up she said it felt like an airplane. Then she asked if she could pinch her nipples. Howard said she can do whatever she wants. Howard then said they'd be quiet and let her do her thing. Sabrina started moaning, screaming and laughing. She lasted a short time and then started screaming out ''Oh yeah!'' in a very fake sounding way. Howard said she had just heard the news about Rosie O'Donnell coming to SIRIUS.
Sabrina almost fell down when she got up. Howard said she had tears coming down her eyes. He asked her what happened. Sabrina asked if she should be embarrassed. Howard said this is the least embarrassing thing that she's done today. Howard asked how many moments she had there. She said she had a really big one there at the end. She said she wanted to push it out there at the end.
Howard told Sabrina that she was great and gave her some more plugs for her web sites. Howard said he loves her. Howard gave her a standing ovation for coming in. Howard also said that Fabio was a great guy too. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that he had to give a shout out to his veterinarian. He said his dog had some scar tissue on her anal gland and the doctor was able to help her out. Howard said the dog was having some issues and the doctor knew what the problem was and he fixed her. He said the dog is fine now.
Howard had Mike Walker on the line to play his gossip game. Mike was sick last week. Howard had him get right to the game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard said he never thought those animals were being cared for. He said the guy is really out there. Howard said he's waiting to see if he gets his money back on Tuesday. Steve said that Eric used the $100 to get a taxi to Irish John's brother's house. Howard said he could have taken a train and it would have cost him like 6 bucks. Howard said he'll never see that money.
High Pitch was on the phone so Howard told him that he won't be there on Tuesday. Eric said he will give it to Jason then. Eric thanked Howard for the money yesterday. Howard asked how much it cost him. Eric said it was $76 so he has $20 left over.
Howard asked Eric if he heard what Steve was saying. Eric said he can get his pets back. Howard said that's not what Steve was saying. Eric said he should have a house to live in soon and he will get them back. Steve said that's not going to happen from what he heard from the ASPCA people. Eric said he spoke to some people yesterday afternoon. Steve said that Eric's track record isn't that high so he's not going to believe him.
Eric asked Artie if he heard anything back about the construction job. Artie said it wasn't good news. Artie said the guy told him that his life isn't a joke. He said his buddy doesn't have anything open right now. Artie said that's what happens when your reputation is the way it is. Steve said they had a half a dozen Stern Fans show up to a Blue Iris tribute yesterday in South Carolina.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. That led to Howard talking about the Rosie O'Donnell thing again for a short time. He said he's not upset about that stuff at all. He said he's happy that Rosie is coming there, he just thought they could have made a bigger deal out of it.
Robin read that this woman was locked out of Martina's multi-million dollar home. Howard said he hopes that the judge in the case sees that there was no contract there so she doesn't have any right to any of her stuff.
Howard said they put out a press release for this Rosie O'Donnell thing. He said that's great, a piece of paper. He said that should cover it all and create a ton of excitement. Howard said that asking to make a big deal out of it was probably a stupid idea on his part. Howard read some of the press release where Rosie talked about how Howard had suggested the radio job to her and she asked to do it from home and that's what she's going to be doing. Howard said he's glad about that but he would have liked to have been in on it. Howard said he may have brought too much attention to it though.
Mutt called in with his Superfan Roundtable preview. Mutt said they have Ham Hands Bill coming in tonight. They'll be talking about a lot of what's been happening on the show lately with Artie's TV show, Howard's rant about the way he's being treated like shit there. Howard said he wasn't upset at all, he said management made a great decision keeping it all a secret and then making the big announcement with Lisa G. Howard said his bosses are wiser than he is and they feel that he's just ''Dust in the Wind.'' Mutt said that they'll talk about how great it is then.
Howard said that hopefully in a couple of years they'll get the word out that Rosie is coming to SIRIUS. He said that if he had been in on it he would have made too big of a deal out of it and it would have brought too much attention to the whole deal. Howard said his bosses obviously know more than he does about the way to do things. Howard heard that channel 11 might even cover the press release.
Robin got back to her news and read about the new Transformers movie coming out and making a record breaking box office take on it's first day. Robin had some Megan Fox audio clips to go along with that story. Howard said he wants to start putting her down so people will stop saying that she's so hot... even though she is so hot.
Howard asked Ross Zapin come in to explain the Rosie O'Donnell thing. Howard said he's never seen a more subtle campaign in his life. Gary said they were looking for Ross but he wasn't in his office. Ralph called in and asked why they didn't consult Howard at all. Howard told Ralph that he's just an asshole in the business world. Ralph said he must be stupid too. He said that people haven't listened to him over the years and they're always wrong. He said maybe they're betting that he'd be wrong about this whole thing.
Gary said that they weren't able to find Ross. Gary said he tried to get Ross on his intercom but he wasn't able to get him. He said that someone pointed to a different office and told him that Ross was hiding. Gary said Ross said he had nothing to do with it. Howard said he knows that but he wants a representative to come in and talk about it.
Robin got back to her news and read about this Now magazine that says that Brad Pitt's mother prefers Jennifer Aniston to Angelina Jolie. Howard said he believes that and heard that she still talks to Jennifer.
Robin read some news about one woman on the Housewives of New Jersey who is being threatened with the release of a home sex tape. The woman claims she didn't know the guy was rolling a tape at the moment.
Robin read about Shaquille O'Neil being traded to Cleveland. Howard asked why the Knicks can't get that guy. Howard said that's what they need there.
Rob Burnett called in and said that he heard about this gossip story that Mike Walker told them about the toilet paper. He said that this story is not true. Rob said that David Letterman would never do that. Howard said it didn't sound right to him. Rob said it wasn't true and he can't concoct how anyone would come up with a story like that. He said there's nothing true about that story and it's 100 percent made up. Howard said he believes him.
Howard told Rob about the Rosie O'Donnell thing and how he would have shown up on Dave with her to make the announcement if they had included him in the decision. Howard said they issued a piece of paper instead. Howard asked if they wanted that piece of paper on the show instead. Rob said they weren't interested in that.
Howard said he and Rob have been hanging out socially a bit and they both play chess. Howard said they never talk about Dave when they get together. He said he knows that Rob doesn't want to talk about that. Howard said he thinks Rob's hair would light on fire if he brought Dave up. Howard said he'll have to ask Mike Walker where he got that story from. Robin said he'll stand behind that story even if it wasn't true. Artie said he chooses to believe that none of the stories that Mike tells are true.
Robin read about these crop circles that are popping up around the world. She said down in Sydney Australia they say that it's Wallabies going out and making the circles. Howard said that there are some natural paths that are cut in the vegetation and it could be from a million different things. Robin said that they claim that the Wallabies are getting high on poppy seeds and hopping around in circles to make these crop circles.
Howard said the idea that they're alien signs to land in open fields is just dumb. He said that any advanced life form like that is going to be able to find an open field if they need one.
Robin read about a vigil that was held for the two reporters that were arrested in North Korea. She said that they've heard that they're in failing health and they're very worried for them right now. Howard said they shouldn't have ever gone over there. He said that they don't need to travel there to know that they're fucked up. He said they treat their women horribly over there and eat their domesticated animals. He's wondering what they were looking for there. Robin said they were looking for trafficking of people. Howard said of course they do that. Howard said he thinks that they will get out. They spent a few minutes on that subject.
Robin read about Simon Cowell's new deal and how he's looking to be as rich as Oprah. Howard said that Simon will never be that rich. Howard said he doesn't have the same kind of talent that Oprah has.
Robin read some news about a couple that was chased by the cops for 7 miles when they got into an illegal van at the airport. The cops tried to stop the van but the driver just took off and took the couple on a 7 mile ride. The couple were happy that the chase ended quickly.
Robin read about President Obama's town hall meeting on ABC last night. He's looking to change the way they do health care in this country. He's saying that it would cost about $1.2 trillion to change it. She had some audio clips of him talking about that.
Ralph called in and told Howard that they're doing a kick off special for the History of Howard Stern tomorrow at 2pm. Ralph said that he's really happy to be working with Howard after hearing this history stuff. Ralph said that they've really done some good stuff. Howard told Ralph not to make the announcement here, he should put out a press release on a piece of paper instead. Ralph said he called Ross and Ross said he was going to email a few people about it.
Robin read some news about the Pope. That got Howard doing his impression of the Pope for a couple of minutes. Robin also read some news about the Obama administration asking some Iranian diplomat to go to some fourth of July celebrations. Robin said they withdrew those invitations after the riots in Iran broke out.
Robin read a story about a bomb that exploded at a market in Iraq. 50 people are dead in that blast. The bomb was planted on a motorcycle.
Robin had a story about the CIA being blamed for the rioting over in Iran. Robin also had some news about North Korea threatening to wipe the United States off the map. Howard said he can't imagine going to North Korea to investigate anything. Robin said they're saying that we will be wiped out once and for all if we decide to start another war.
Robin read about a high school coach being killed by a former student. Robin said the guy was gunned down at the school by this former student. Howard said that a lot of kids don't like their gym teacher. He said that he hated his teacher but he's non-violent. Howard said it's a no win job. Robin had some audio clips of some people commenting on that shooting.
Robin said that Walter Cronkite is ill and may not recover. Howard said that guy didn't like him. Artie said that guy has to be really old. Robin said he's 92. He's got cerebral vascular disease. Howard said he thinks Fred has that too. Robin said he's not dead yet but he's not expected to recuperate.
Robin read some news about how they're trying to liven up the Oscar awards with some more popular films being nominated.
Robin had a story about Marlon Brando having had a night with Jackie Onasis. Howard did an impression of him and then Fred came in with his Kennedy impression. They goofed around with that and spent a short time talking about the story before ending the show around 11:00.
Gary said that some of the stuff that porn stars do in their films does bleed over to their personal life. He said it wasn't that surprising that they do what they do in their personal life.
Jon asked about the 2700 loads to her face and if that was some kind of record. Will said it is a record. Gary wondered where they keep track of those records.
Jon asked if they knew that Bukkake was some kind of Japanese punishment. Gary said that they kind of knew that from watching old films years ago. Gary said he remembers seeing some really weird movies from Japan like one where these guys stop a woman walking on the beach and yell at her to shit on a toilet they carried to the beach.
Jon had Teddy play a clip from Sabrina's interview where she talked about putting her fist in her ass. Jon said that's a real talent to be able to do that. Gary said he heard that she can put one fist in her ass and one in her vagina. He said he kind of wanted to see that because it's kind of a freak show type of thing.
Gary said he liked that rule that Sabrina had about cutting nails. She said that was a weird one. Jon asked if they thought she had any chance of getting on Ellen. Gary said they barely had a chance of getting on Howard's show.
Jon asked Gary about the two masks he wore. Gary said he was warned that she was a squirter by Will so he wore a mask that would protect him the best.
Gary said her ride was one of the most amusing he's ever seen. He said that sometimes the women just sit on it but Sabrina was really riding it. Gary said the audible part was the funniest thing he's heard in his life.
Will said that Fabio got very defensive after that ride. Gary said that he felt that he was mad at him because he was controlling the power.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they thought she was faking it. Gary said she was wobbling when she got up. She also had tears coming down her face so she may have really gotten off.
The caller said he's not sure he'd be into any of the stuff she does. He said you don't know where she's been or what she's had on her so he'd be afraid to even be near her.
Jon asked the guys if they had ever pissed on their wives because they were angry. Gary said he's never pissed on his wife for any reason. He doesn't get that whole thing.
Jon asked Benjy what he had to say about that. Benjy said he thinks the defecation thing is gross but the peeing thing isn't so bad. He said if the woman is into it then it's not so bad. He said that the mess it makes might not be worth dealing with.
Gary asked Benjy if he's ever pissed on anyone. Benjy said he had a girl who claimed she was into it but then she backed out of it.
Another caller asked Gary if he still gets excited about the Sybian rides. Gary said that he loves every one. He said it's still interesting to him.
Another caller asked if the guy who dropped the load on Artie's chest made Artie the King of Bukkake. the guys didn't think that was the case. Gary said the way the guy asked the question was kind of the long way around asking the question too.
Gary said that he's not sure if there's anyone out there who wants that throne of Queen of Bukkake. He said that if there is anyone out there then they should contact the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Fred was on fire today with his French President impression. Gary said Fred loves to do that impression. He talked about how Tom Chiusano had to start bleeping it when Fred would talk about a girls ''eyes'' (ass) on the air in the French accent. The caller said Fred was great doing that today.
Another caller said that urine is sterile when it comes out. Benjy said that's not true if you have an infection. The caller repeated himself a few times and said that he is in the medical field.
Jon said shortly after that they talked about who Howard would have over to his house and he picked Scott the Engineer over Sal and Dan the Song Parody Man. Gary said he thought that Howard would pick Sal but he forgot about all of the wacky stuff he's done.
Jon said Scott was so happy he got chosen. He said he was walking around very happy about that. Jon congratulated him on the big win today. Scott said he was very happy. Scott said that Howard told him to come out any time he wants. He was just joking about that and said he's pretty sure Howard would never have him over to his place unless he had a big party for everyone.
Gary said he thinks that Scott would be on the list of guests if they had a big party. He was left out of one party that Robin threw a few years ago though.
Gary asked if Howard would still pick Scott over High Pitch Mike or Shuli. The guys said it would still be close but they thought maybe Scott, maybe Shuli.
A caller told Scott he was a fat bastard. Scott said he's not that fat now but maybe he's still a bastard. The caller told him he sucked as a bowler too. The guy asked who is going to bet that High Pitch Eric will be back to pay next Tuesday. Benjy asked what they're going to do since they won't be there next week. Gary said Eric is going to pay Jason if he pays anyone.
The caller asked how many people Eric owes money too and why he's paying Howard back and not anyone else. The guy said that they should bet on it there but no one wanted to take any action on it.
Jon said he thinks that Eric will pay Howard back but only because it's Howard. Jason agreed with him on that. Gary said he's not sure about that. He said he was thinking that until he spent $76 on a cab ride. Gary said he's pretty sure he won't come back.
Gary said he was talking to Jon Hein about it and Jon was saying that he'd want that year of his life back. Jon said that you have accomplished something with it but he didn't feel it was worth it overall. Gary said that you accomplish something but Howard felt that he didn't get anything out of it.
Jon asked Jason about his Bar Mitzvah. Jason said he begged not to have one and his parents shoved it down his throat. He said they forced him to go to Hebrew School and it was a big waste of time. Jason said you just repeat stuff back that you memorized. He said that his Canter hated him because he had to do a rehearsal a week before the Bar Mitzvah and he asked if he was already done because he had gone through the whole thing. Jason said he was kicked out of Hebrew school shortly after that.
Jason said that he got to his party, that he didn't want, and had no input on, and it was at a hotel. He said he ran around with his friends playing on the elevator instead of enjoying the party. Jason said he never saw one dime from the party either. He said he thinks that his parents used the money to pay for the party.
Jason said he got some gifts but he didn't get any of the money. He said his dad let him buy a CD player though.
Jason said that his relatives from England sent him some money and he kept that. Jason said his mother was dragging him around the city to the temples looking for a place to have the party and it was all a waste. He said it's all a money making scheme.
Jon said he didn't feel quite as strongly as Jason felt about all of this. He said that it wasn't that bad for him. He said some people do get a lot of meaning out of those things.
Benjy said that the Bar Mitzvah is just a party and you are Mitzvah'd even if you don't have that party. Jason said that you have to read from the Torah though and you have to go through the whole ceremony.
Jason said that the Jewish religion hates women and there's no such thing as a Bat Mitzvah. It was created in the 50s for women. Jason said that his mother didn't get Mitzvah'd until she was like 40. Benjy said that girls can get it done at 12. Gary said they were getting close being the Jewish channel there. Jon agreed so they took a break a short time later.
Gary said that he remembers telling Howard that Vinnie's tapes might be better. Howard wasn't so sure but months later Howard told him that he might be right. Gary said these tapes of Vinnie are video tapes and he saw them. He said Vinnie was in his underwear at times and it was very disturbing.
Will said that he's freaked out but the whole thing. He said Vinnie isn't the kind of guy you think is sexy. Scott the Engineer said he loved those tapes too. He said it's too bad they can't show the visual. Gary said that they only play the best of the best and there's a lot more they don't play.
Gary said that Vinnie and his wife met accidentally because of a wrong number so he was sending her these tapes to watch since she wasn't in New York at the time. He said it's really funny stuff to watch.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he did the whole confirmation thing for Catholic school and that meant very little to him too and he agrees with Jason and Howard on their complaints that it was a waste of time. Gary said he gets that because some stuff gets rammed down your throat.
Gary said that his wife, Mary, joined a church and she wanted him to go and he didn't want to go. He said he's pretty sure the kids would see right through it if he did go. He said he'd feel hypocritical if he did go so he chooses not to go. Gary said that if his kids want to get into that stuff he's fine with it but they're not forcing him into it.
Jon asked Gary what was really going on there. Gary said he thinks that Howard had a lot to do with her coming there and he was left out of the whole process of hiring her and what channel they put her on. Gary said he thinks that she had an association with them and Howard thought he should have been involved.
Another caller asked if Rosie is going to come on Howard's show to promote it. He also said that maybe she didn't want to be on Howard's channel. Gary said he thinks that she likes Howard and that might not stop her from coming on.
The caller was wondering if Gary thought that she would have been interested in being on Howard's channel. Gary said he thinks that she would.
Ralph said that caller was dumb and it was more like disrespecting the Godfather by doing things the way they did there. Ralph said that Howard would have liked to have had her on the channel and he should have been in the loop.
Ralph said he likes that the Jewish faith because it's so straightforward but they're kind of secretive about everything. He said they kind of explain things like they're a big secret. Gary said he thinks that they're not being secretive, they're just not that clear on some of the stuff he's asking about. Gary said that the people may not know what the holidays are really about.
Jason and Benjy were going on and on about the holidays Gary and Jon tried to get out of the ''Jewish Channel'' thing. Ralph said they were in a ''Jew vortex'' but he was the one who brought them there.
Ralph said he had to get going because he was going to be doing a special with Jon Hein tomorrow at 2pm on Howard 101. They'll be previewing the History of Howard Stern special that's running next week. Ralph called it ''The Friday Show 2.0.''
A caller asked Gary about this Sybian thing and what the attachment is that they claim is clean. Gary explained what it was but the caller kept talking over him. Gary explained how they clean the Sybian and how it's probably cleaner than his own desk is.
will said they used to save those attachments and had the women sign them but Sal used to lick them and sniff them so they stopped doing that. He said they had one that Blue Iris used and it started to grow mold on it.
Jon asked the guys if anyone is going to Las Vegas with Artie. No one did. Will said that a round trip ticket was like $800 so they didn't want to do it. They talked about how the whole Howard TV staff is going out there. Jon said he hopes they have fun.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary how he thinks the Mets are going to do against the Yankees. Gary said he thinks they'll do okay. He said they should be able to take 2 or 3.
Jon brought up the Ed McMahon clips that they played today and how fitting that was as a tribute. He went back to the phones after that. The caller said that he called Will a few years ago about a medical condition he has. He said that he poops out his penis. Will didn't remember that. The guy said that he poops out his butt and his penis. He said that he's had that for about 6 years and it's horribly painful. The surgery would cost him about $100,000.
The caller said that he'd be willing to have it taped if they wanted to see it. Gary told him to tape it himself and send them a copy and they'll check it out. Gary told him to make sure he wipes his dick. They had to end the show a short time later.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:00am.