Daily Highlights/News Archives.

For the week of 06/01/2009 to 06/05/2009

  • Howard Back From Vacation. 06/01/09. 6:00am
  • MTV Awards Discussions. 06/01/09. 6:05am
  • Howard Likes Miley Cyrus' ''The Climb.'' 06/01/09. 6:10am
  • Time To Reclaim Old Bits. 06/01/09. 6:15am
  • Abortion Clinic Killing Discussed. 06/01/09. 6:25am
  • Radio Ratings - What If Howard Returned To Terrestrial Radio? 06/01/09. 6:35am
  • Howard Gets Sucked Into The Benjy Vortex. 06/01/09. 6:45am
  • Howard Annoyed By Steven Tyler Collection Gift. 06/01/09. 7:05am
  • Dr. Tiller Patient Calls In. 06/01/09. 7:15am
  • Susan Boyle Discussions. 06/01/09. 7:20am
  • Lisa G's Date Update And News Preview. 06/01/09. 7:25am
  • Gary To Have A Camera Shoved Up His Penis Tomorrow. 06/01/09. 7:30am
  • Gary's ''Don't Forget The Lyrics'' Appearance Discussed. 06/01/09. 7:50am
  • Andy Richter Calls In. 06/01/09. 8:30am
  • John The Stutterer And Sean The Funny Voice Guy Promote Their Show. 06/01/09. 8:55am
  • Various Discussions. 06/01/09. 9:30am
  • Howard 100 News And Wrap Up Show Previews. 06/01/09. 9:40am
  • Robin's News. 06/01/09. 9:55am
  • Wrap Up Show - Gary's Kidney Stone. 06/01/09. 10:35am
  • Wrap Up Show - Tim Sabean's Diet And More Gary Kidney Stone Discussions. 06/01/09. 10:55am
  • Wrap Up Show - Avoiding The Benjy Vortex. 06/01/09. 11:20am
  • Wrap Up Show - Lisa G's Dating. 06/01/09. 11:25am
  • Wrap Up Show - Andy Richter Discussions. 06/01/09. 11:30am
  • Wrap Up Show - John The Stutterer And Sean The Funny Voice Guy. 06/01/09. 11:45am
  • ''Count Counter Pointless'' Audio Clips Played. 06/02/09. 6:00am
  • Conan O'Brien Tonight Show Reviews. 06/02/09. 6:15am
  • Gary Out Today, Having Kidney Stone Removed. 06/02/09. 6:35am
  • Jay Leno's Final Show Speech. 06/02/09. 6:40am
  • Sacha Baron Cohen's MTV Stunt News Reports. 06/02/09. 6:45am
  • More Leno Discussions. 06/02/09. 6:50am
  • Jackie The Joke Man Martling Calls In. 06/02/09. 6:55am
  • Playboy Evaluations With Ham Hands Bill, Lou Bellera And Ralph. 06/02/09. 7:20am
  • MTV Award Clips. 06/02/09. 8:25am
  • Eric The Midget Not-A-Mobster And Other Callers. 06/02/09. 8:35am
  • Gilbert Gottfried Visits. 06/02/09. 8:40am
  • Howard 100 News And Wrap Up Show Previews. 06/02/09. 9:15am
  • Goofing On Mike Gange, AKA ''Moray.'' 06/02/09. 9:50am
  • Robin's News. 06/02/09. 10:00am
  • Wrap Up Show - Playboy Evaluations. 06/02/09. 10:35am
  • Wrap Up Show - Scott DePace Defends Howard TV Crew. 06/02/09. 10:55am
  • Wrap Up Show - Jackie The Joke Man Call Discussions. 06/02/09. 11:05am
  • Wrap Up Show - Gilbert Gottfried Discussions. 06/02/09. 11:15am
  • Wrap Up Show - No Gary, Show Ran Fine. 06/02/09. 11:25am
  • Gary Back To Work After Kidney Stone Removal. 06/03/09. 6:00am
  • Show In The Hallway Returns This Week. 06/03/09. 6:25am
  • Yucko The Clown Visits. 06/03/09. 6:30am
  • Beth O Discussions. 06/03/09. 7:15am
  • Nutty Principal Discussed. 06/03/09. 7:25am
  • Brooke Hogan Visits. 06/03/09. 7:35am
  • Mike And Aaron From Staind Perform Live. 06/03/09. 8:30am
  • Music Special Replay Coming Soon? 06/03/09. 9:25am
  • Howard 100 News And Wrap Up Show Previews. 06/03/09. 9:30am
  • Robin's News. 06/03/09. 9:50am
  • Ross Zapin's Bruce Springsteen Obsession Discussed. 06/03/09. 10:05am
  • More News With Robin. 06/03/09. 10:25am
  • Wrap Up Show - Brooke Hogan Discussions. 06/03/09. 10:50am
  • Wrap Up Show - Artie's Book Signings And Drug Use. 06/03/09. 11:05am
  • Wrap Up Show - Tom Bergeron Stops In With Big News. 06/03/09. 11:25am
  • Wrap Up Show - Aaron And Mike From Staind Discussions. 06/03/09. 11:40am
  • Wrap Up Show - Yucko The Clown. 06/03/09. 11:50am
  • Howard To Appear On Letterman Next Monday. 06/04/09. 6:00am
  • Denise Richards Preview. 06/04/09. 6:25am
  • Michelle Larcher de Brito Screams And Spyder Harrison Clips. 06/04/09. 6:30am
  • Howard's Awful TV Shows Discussed. 06/04/09. 6:40am
  • Lisa G's Howard 100 News Preview And More Gary Pitch Clips. 06/04/09. 7:00am
  • Denise Richards Visits. 06/04/09. 7:30am
  • Howard Takes Some Phone Calls. 06/04/09. 8:35am
  • Kathy Griffin Visits. 06/04/09. 8:40am
  • The Gossip Game With Mike Walker. 06/04/09. 9:20am
  • Howard 100 News, Wrap Up Show And Superfan Roundtable Previews. 06/04/09. 9:45am
  • Fashion Advisor Ralph Calls In. 06/04/09. 9:55am
  • Robin's News. 06/04/09. 10:10am
  • Wrap Up Show - Denise Richards Discussions. 06/04/09. 10:45am
  • Wrap Up Show - Kathy Griffin Discussions. 06/04/09. 11:30am
  • Wrap Up Show - Howard's Letterman Appearance. 06/04/09. 11:40am
Friday Latest Master Tape Theatre
  • Best Of The Week - Playboy Evaluations. 06/05/09. 6:00am
  • Best Of The Week - Andy Richter And John The Stutterer vs. Sean. 06/05/09. 7:10am
  • Best Of The Week - Denise Richards Interview. 06/05/09. 8:10am
  • Best Of The Week - Gary Returns, Yucko Visits. 06/05/09. 9:20am
  • Best Of The Week - Brooke Hogan Interview. 06/05/09. 10:45am
  • Master Tape Theatre - March 15, 1994. 06/07/09. 3:00pm
  • King Of All Messengers Prank Call. 03/15/1994. 3:00pm
  • Howard Takes Some Phone Calls. 03/15/1994. 3:10pm
  • Stump The Joke Man And Robin's Boobs Discussed. 03/15/1994. 3:15pm
  • Howard Visits The Friar's Club. 03/15/1994. 3:40pm
  • Catherine Bach Visits. 03/15/1994. 3:50pm
  • Milton Berle Calls In. 03/15/1994. 4:45pm
  • John Wayne Bobbit And His Girlfriend Visit. 03/15/1994. 5:00pm
  • Manager's Meeting And Greaseman Discussions. 03/15/1994. 5:35pm
  • Late Night Talk Show Discussions. 03/15/1994. 5:50pm
  • Robin's News. 03/15/1994. 5:55pm

-- Monday, June 1, 2009 --

-- Wrap Up Show Wrap Up --

-- Tuesday, June 2, 2009 --

-- Wrap Up Show Wrap Up --

-- Wednesday, June 3, 2009 --

-- Wrap Up Show Wrap Up --

-- Thursday, June 4, 2009 --

-- Wrap Up Show Wrap Up --

-- Friday, June 5, 2009 --

-- Tuesday March 15, 1994 (As replayed on June 7, 2009) --

  • Master Tape Theatre - March 15, 1994. 06/07/09. 3:00pm
    This week's Master Tape Theatre was not in my archives. I've written it up as if I just heard it. Here's what happened:

  • King Of All Messengers Prank Call. 03/15/1994. 3:00pm
    Show opening bits and songs included: Fred the Elephant Boy singing ''Oh Bla Di Oh Bla Da,'' Stuttering John trying to say ''It's hard to completely disassociate yourself...'' clip, a clip of Bono rambling at a press conference, Ben Stern ''Shut up, sit down!'' clip, audio of a preacher with a speech impediment, Club Soda Kenny ''I hear ya!'' clip, a news report about Howard Stern appearing on The Tonight Show, a preacher rambling, Joe Walsh performing ''The Confessor'' live in the Howard Stern Show Studio.''

    Howard started the show with a commercial break and then a preview of what they had coming up. Howard said they had Catherine Bach from the Dukes of Hazard coming in. Robin said she was surprised that Howard was going to have her in. She said Howard always turns down guests and then when they have someone like her he's happy that she's coming in. Robin joked about her looking like Yvonne Decarlo. Howard told her not to even say that.

    Howard said he was going to spank Catherine this morning. He said he might ask her to go make out too. Howard said Milton Berle is going to be calling in. John Wayne Bobbit and his girlfriend will be calling in too. Howard said he heard she's very attractive.

    Gary said the King of all Messengers was on the line with a new prank call. Howard got him on and King said that he called a bible show. He played the clip for him a short time later. King got in a plug for Howard's 800 line where people could order his new video. Howard got in some plugs for that and then had King play another call.

    King of all Messengers also called another show and asked if they had any plans to get Howard Stern's show piped into the V.A. hospital sound system. They just laughed.

  • Howard Takes Some Phone Calls. 03/15/1994. 3:10pm
    Howard thanked King and moved on to some other phone calls. The first caller from Boston said that Robin was in Celebrity Skin. Howard said he saw that. Robin said she didn't want to talk about it. Howard said it wasn't that bad.

    Howard talked about being on up in Boston in the evening and how he will eventually be on in the morning up there. Howard said the company asked him not to go on in the mornings when they asked him not to. He said he always ends up getting screwed. He said he could grab more audience if he was on in the mornings.

    Howard said he found that now that he's syndicating his show, the company is taking other guys and doing the same thing with them. He said they actually take other guys and syndicate them. Howard said there are two sets of rules, one for him and one for everyone else. He said that kind of eats away at him.

    The caller asked about Bobcat Golthwait not coming in recently. Gary said that was just a mix up with scheduling. They moved him to a later date.

    Howard said he can't wait for Catherine Bach to come in. He said he's going to have her sitting on his lap. He said he's going to ask her to come over for some sugar from his sugar daddy and make some love talk with her.

    Howard said he'll grab her up in his arms and then molest her. He said anyone that walks in there is dealing with a single man. When he's at work he's single. He said this should be good.

    Robin was laughing at everything Howard was saying. Howard told her to get it out of her system now. He thinks that she wants some of his sugar too. Robin said Howard is like the guys in the parking garage with that stuff. Howard said he's going to write down some of his pick up lines for Catherine.

  • Stump The Joke Man And Robin's Boobs Discussed. 03/15/1994. 3:15pm
    Howard said Gary was on the Rikki Lake show this week. He said the last time Gary was on a TV show he told him he'd fire him if he ever did another one. He said Gary didn't understand why he didn't like what he was doing. Gary said Howard told him he was killing him with those appearances.

    Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to stump Jackie. The guy said it was kind of morbid but not dirty. Howard said he'd play along since he hadn't done it in a while. Howard asked if it was a Mickey Mantle's son joke or something. Howard spent a minute talking about the death of Mickey's son.

    Howard told the caller to go ahead and tell his joke. The caller asked ''What's 12 inches long and makes women scream in the morning?'' Jackie had the punch line which was ''Crib death.'' Jackie warned them that it was bad.

    The caller also told Howard about Film Threat having a picture of Robin with a see through top on. Howard knew the top she was wearing. He said he remembered seeing that picture. Howard told Robin not to worry about it because her boobs look nice. Howard told Robin she has such nice breasts. He said he's kind of seen them.

    Robin said Howard lied about seeing them. Howard said one of her breasts slipped out of her top one time. Robin said it never did. Howard said he did see it. She refused to believe that.

    The guys showed Jackie one of the pictures. Jackie said he had never seen that picture. He said they were different than he expected. He said he expected a larger circumference. Howard said they're beautiful. Howard said she's really cute. Howard said that Robin could make some good money selling those pictures instead of writing a book.

    Howard asked Robin if she knew her top was see through. Robin said she had worn it before and it had never happened before. Robin said the top is black and you can't see through it. Gary said the flash and the sun just hit the top the right way that day.

    Robin said she hates it when Jackie laughs the way he does. Jackie was laughing about how great the picture was. Howard said Robin defies gravity with those boobs. He said that she wasn't wearing a bra and they were very firm in there.

    Howard said Robin comes off very good there. Gary said some of the interns saw the picture and Robin walked in as they were checking it out. The guys talked about Robin's picture and goofed around talking about that for a short time.

    Gary said he saw Robin naked one time at channel 9. Robin said Gary barged in while she was changing clothes. Howard asked if she was drinking herself in. Robin said she was busy. Robin said that she immediately covered her chest and screamed when Gary came in.

    Gary said Robin was the only woman on the show and the only person without a lock on her dressing room door over there at channel 9.

    Howard said they were watching a video of a woman and a dog making love yesterday. Some listener sent them the video. Howard said everyone he told about it asked what kind of dog it was. It was a mutt but it must have had some Great Dane in it because the dog was big. Howard said Robin was in there watching the video too. Robin said she wasn't looking at it, she was turning her head.

    Howard said the video was weird and some of the positions they were in were kind of weird. He said they did missionary but there were other positions that were just weird. They had to go to break after that.

  • Howard Visits The Friar's Club. 03/15/1994. 3:40pm
    After the break Howard talked about going over to the Friar's Club the day before. Howard said he saw Henny Youngman over there. He said Henny didn't seem to know who he was. Howard said he came up to him later after he was reminded who he was. Howard said they ended up having a big embrace in the middle of the club. Howard said Henny told him he wanted to call in when Milton Berle called in.

    Howard said Henny called him over to say hello to some people at his table as he was leaving. Howard said Joey Adams was there too and wouldn't wave to him. He said he must have known who he was and what he's been saying about him on the air. Howard said it was kind of sad to see him there.

    Howard said Joey was an old time comic and he's married to Cindy Adams. Howard said she's a nice piece of ass for an older woman. He said she must be in her 60s but she looks good.

    Howard talked about what it looks like when you see an old person eat. He said that's what it was like watching Joey. Howard said he saw Howard Cossell eat soup one time and that was a pretty interesting sight to see.

    Howard said his agent saw Alan Zweibel at the club and he didn't come up to say hello to him. Howard said Alan used to work for Saturday Night Live and now he's got a lot of other stuff going on. Howard said he heard Alan was on the phone the whole time they were there. He said you'd think he could go somewhere else to make all of his phone calls. Robin said she's seen guys like that when she goes out to eat. She said there's one guy who always does that at a restaurant she goes to.

    Howard said he's not sure what this Alan Zweibel has even done. Howard said he'd like to ask him what he's done but he's always on that phone.

    Howard said this guy Howard Goldflus wrote an article about the FCC and included him in that. Howard read that article that explained how Howard would be gone if listeners didn't want to hear what he was saying. Howard said he told the guy that the article was good but the government was still fining the company he works for and it will continue to go on. Howard said it's a real disappointment.

  • Catherine Bach Visits. 03/15/1994. 3:50pm
    Howard asked Gary if Catherine Bach is still a piece of ass. Gary said she is. He said he had a mini-skirt on and was wearing a huge diamond ring. Howard asked if she's wearing underwear. Gary wasn't sure about that.

    Howard asked Gary to turn down the lights in the studio. He didn't want Catherine to see him in full light. Howard had Gary bring her in after that.

    Catherine came in and Howard asked her if she wanted something sweet. He told her that the world was theirs. He asked her if she was feeling anything sexual this morning. Catherine said that it would take more than that for her to feel something. Howard tried some more pick up lines but it was too early for Catherine. Howard asked if she was feeling any magic. She said she wasn't feeling anything yet. Howard said he loves animals. He loves the Rhino and he had a Rhino horn in his pants.

    Howard asked Catherine if she was single. She was married but Howard told her that it doesn't matter. He said that the grayness that is his life is now a rainbow.

    Howard found out that Catherine was married. She married him right after The Dukes of Hazard. Howard asked her if she thinks he should shave his beard. She told him to keep it.

    Howard asked Catherine to come over to him. He grabbed her hand and started to kiss it. She told Howard he had nice hair. It was silky. Howard said her fingers tasted like butter.

    Howard said Catherine wore a mini-skirt for him. She said she did. Howard said he wanted to cuddle her like an endangered Panda. She wanted to talk about the animal stuff but Howard was just goofing around with the pick up lines.

    Howard asked Catherine about getting into animals and not people. Catherine said she loves animals and people. Howard told her she's a piece of ass. Howard said she's got great legs. Howard said he'd get her a copy machine of her own if they got married. He was still trying the pick up lines.

    Howard asked Catherine if she had anything to say about Boss Hogg since he had died. She said he was a great guy. Fred liked him too. They spent a minute on that subject.

    Howard asked Catherine about guys hitting on her after the Dukes of Hazard thing. She said that she got flowers all the time during that show. Howard said he'd make love to her like she can't imagine. Howard said he never gets tired of doing that. Howard asked if her husband does everything she wants. Howard said he'd do anything she wanted.

    Howard asked Catherine if she likes sex. He said her body is built for sex. Catherine asked Robin if she can help her out there. Howard said he told Robin to stay out of it.

    Howard asked Catherine if she ever looks at an elephant or rhino penis. She said that she has seen them and they're huge. She wanted to talk about where she's been for a while now but Howard told her to hold off on that stuff.

    Howard asked Catherine about all of the guys who were hitting on her and if that's hard to take. She said that it can be kind of hard. Howard said he knows that men come on too strong sometimes. Howard asked when she realized she had this power over men. She said it wasn't like that. She didn't have a power. Howard said she does have a power because he'd do anything for her right now.

    Howard asked Catherine to take her jacket off. She said it was too cold in there. She only had a t-shirt on. Howard said that was fine with him. He said the jacket was ruining it. Howard asked if he could get her into a towel during the commercial break. She wasn't going for it.

    Howard asked Catherine what famous people she has dated. She dated Robert Shields from Shields and Yarnel. Howard told Catherine that he's impotent and needs help. She said that they can talk about that when they talk about the animals. Howard said he might go gay if she doesn't help him out. Catherine said that she hears all of those lines when she comes to town.

    Howard offered to pay Catherine for sex. He said he wasn't going to beg all morning. He said she must be wild when she makes love. Howard asked her if she wanted to hug him now. She said she would hug him goodbye when she leaves.

    Howard wanted to plug her TV show but she wanted to talk about animals. Howard said they can talk about that too. Howard had Jackie turn up the heat earlier so the studio was getting hot. Howard took his sweater off and told Catherine to take her jacket off. She didn't take it off. Howard said she has to take it off. She did unbutton it. Howard begged her to take it off.

    Howard said he felt something going on there between them. He asked her if she's a natural D-cup. She said that she is. Howard asked what it's like to be ''so female.'' He also asked if she walks around her house naked. She said she does that sometimes. Howard said she really is very womanly. Howard said there are people who are somewhere in between, like him, but she was very female. Robin was too.

    Howard mentioned the TV show Catherine was in to promote. It was called ''African Skies.'' Howard talked about her filming over in South Africa with Robert Mitchum. Howard asked if she's ever been with a black man. She said that she didn't want to say.

    Howard said it was getting really hot in there and he was going to take his pants off. He was about to do that and said that they should just get really wild and strip down. He said he wanted to be as wild as a gorilla in Africa.

    Howard asked Catherine about where her show is at. She said it's on the Family Channel. Howard asked her why she's on that channel. She said the show fits there. She told Howard that she had a spitting cobra spit at her one time during the filming.

    Howard asked if Robert Mitchum hit on her. She said he didn't. She said that she hasn't smoked pot with him either. She said she doesn't do that stuff. Howard said he doesn't do that anymore either. Howard said Jackie might be doing it right now.

    Howard said that he had Catherine on his top 5 hot chick list. He gave some of the other women that he's had on the list and they included people from various TV shows he's watched over the years.

    Howard said he loved the original Tarzan TV shows and how goofy the show was. He said he loved that he could make anything happen with that one word ''Ungowa.''

    Howard said he felt like he had a giraffe in his pants. He said he wanted her pressed up his chest. Howard said that he wanted to get to the animals and get the audience involved.

    Catherine said that she got involved in this endangered species breeding project. Howard said that they have poachers come over there and kill these animals for their horns and ivory and stuff like that so Catherine is getting involved with trying to save them.

    Catherine told Howard about how Rhino horn and tiger bones are used as an afrodesiac and that's why they kill off the animals. Catherine said that they have a direct line to the White House now to get people to help out with this. Howard said he was going to give out the number but he was going to call them himself first.

    Howard said that if they get this bill passed then Catherine will make love to him. Catherine said that the line is a direct line to President Clinton's hot line. Howard tried dialing it but ended up calling Jackie's joke line (516) 922-WINE instead.

    Howard called again and got the White House comments line. They were doing a survey type thing and had Howard pushing buttons to do that. It turned out no one was there because it was too early in the morning. Howard said they should flood the White House with calls.

    Catherine wanted to give Howard a gift but Howard told her to keep it. She really wanted him to take it so Howard told her to come over and give it to him. Howard said that she had quite a ring on her finger. Howard also talked about the old poster she had out where she was in her short shorts. Howard said she must have sold a ton of those.

    Howard asked Catherine about her husband and if he has a tongue that can turn her on. She told him that's out of bounds. Howard said he loves to have hours of foreplay and cuddling too. Howard said he'd like to do that with her but he and his wife just have sex.

    Howard asked Catherine if she wears thong bathing suits. She said she wears bikinis and she will sun bathe topless at home too. She said it's her house so she can do anything she wants there.

    Howard said Catherine was making some good points. He said he had to wrap up though. He gave her some plugs for her TV show and had to ask her to keep her jacket off while he did that.

    Howard asked Catherine to come over and hug him. He asked if he could kiss her too. He asked for one and spit on his own lip accidentally. He got the kiss from her and Robin asked him what he was doing. Howard told Catherine to pretend that she was acting. She wasn't able to do it. Howard let her go a short time later. He went to break after that.

  • Milton Berle Calls In. 03/15/1994. 4:45pm
    After a break Howard came back and said the had Milton Berle on the phone. He said he's attracted to him sexually and he might be bi-sexual. Howard said he goes for older men. He said he'll tell Uncle Miltie that too. Howard thanked Milton for getting up early this morning to call in. It was 5 in the morning out in California.

    Howard told Milton that he would give him a little sugar if he was there in the studio. Milton told him he's always doing that shtick. Howard said it wasn't shtick. He was serious. Howard asked him if he wanted any sugar. Milton said he didn't.

    Howard said he once had Milton in an interview and he called him back to his dressing room. He thought he was going to seduce him. Milton said Howard is making it sound like he's ''all fagged out.''

    Howard told Milton he saw Henny Youngman at the Friar's Club. He also said he was told that Milton didn't donate the building he claimed to have donated. Milton said that it was his house and he gave it to them. Milton said it was back in 1952 when he did that. He said the house was too big and he gave it to them. Now it's worth $18 million. He paid $325,000 for it back then.

    Milton told Howard he wants Howard to sit on the deus at a roast out in Las Vegas. Howard said he can't afford him. Milton said that he can. He said the roast is going to be honoring Sid Caesar for 50 years in the business. Howard said he's doing that out in Vegas.

    Howard said he heard Milton was mad about something that the Kennedy Center Honors thing. Howard told him not to be upset about that. Milton told him that he wasn't upset about that. Howard and Robin kept talking over him so Milton asked if he could get a friggin word in.

    Milton said that he wanted to say something. Howard cut him off again and said that he didn't bring up his penis in this interview. Milton said he hasn't brought it up in years. Howard said he would give him an award just for the size of his genitals.

    Milton said that what he's doing with the Sid Caesar thing is the first time they've ever done something like this for the public. He said it's going to be kind of naughty and they will be working blue. He said no kids will be allowed into the event. Howard said Milton is much funnier than Sid Caesar. Milton said they have different styles so that's nonsense.

    Milton said that they have a bunch of people coming to the roast. He said they have Henny Youngman, Foster Brooks and others. Howard kept cutting him off and didn't let him finish.

    Milton went on to explain what they were going to be doing at the roast and Howard figured it was going to be filthy. Milton said they weren't going to be filthy. Howard thanked Milton for calling in and told him that he was glad he called in. Howard let him go a short time later.

    Billy West was sitting in and did his impression of Milton for a couple of minutes. Howard and Billy played with that for a short time. Billy had the impression down pretty good and sounded a lot like Milton.

  • John Wayne Bobbit And His Girlfriend Visit. 03/15/1994. 5:00pm
    After an edited out break Howard came back with John Wayne Bobbit and his girlfriend. Howard said John is in the tape they're releasing.

    Howard had Billy West do his impression of John a little bit. He mumbled and didn't say much. John said he knows he mumbles.

    Howard spoke to John's new girlfriend, Christina, who didn't have much to say either. Howard said that they were very similar in that way. Howard said John had his penis cut off but now he's getting a woman who is way above his ex.

    Christina said that she loves John for his mind. Howard and the guys were shocked by that. John said that they met at a strip club. She was working at the club and came into the room when he was there for an autograph signing. Howard said he heard that they were all over each other in the green room there.

    Howard asked John why they pretend that they don't have sex. Christina said that her parents know. Howard asked John how his penis is working. John said that it's working now. Howard said it must be working, look at the smile on Christina's face.

    Howard asked Christina if she wants to marry John. She said she does. Howard asked how they could be engaged. John said she's everything he's been searching for. Howard said she's everything he's been searching for too. He said she's a stripper.

    Howard asked Christina if she knew who John was when she saw him. She said she did. Howard asked who the woman was in the paper that John was with. Howard said it wasn't Christina. They hadn't seen it yet. Howard showed the picture to Christina. It turned out it was her. Billy West was mumbling in the background and making Howard think that it was John mumbling.

    Howard asked John about his divorce and how that's going. John said that she's not letting him out of it until June because she wants to stay in the country.

    Howard said he needs to have some tissue regenerated too so he might need Christina's help. Howard asked if she was attracted to him. She said she wasn't and it was the long hair that was turning her off.

    Howard asked if Christina knew she wanted to marry him right away. Christina said they spoke on the phone for hours and hours. She said that they talked a lot in the beginning. Howard asked if she was afraid of breaking his penis. She said she didn't have that worry. She said that she was kind of curious about what it looked like. She said it looked normal to her.

    Howard asked if she saw any scars on his penis. She said that she wasn't inspecting it that close. She said that things are going well with him though. She said John is living with her now. Billy was still mumbling and Fred got in on that as well. Howard asked the two of them to cut it out.

    Howard said he saw that John was selling a lot of t-shirts. John said that he sold out of them and ended up selling some penis protectors instead.

    Howard asked Christina about her breasts and she claimed they were real. John confirmed that for him. Howard said he's a lucky man. He said he'd marry that one if he were John.

    Howard asked about the managers they were traveling with today. John had one and so did she. Christina said she had people knocking at her door after John exposed them and she didn't know how to handle it. That's why she got the manager.

    Howard said it sounds like they've got it made. Howard asked how long it took to get into the sack. John said it was 4 or 5 days. Christina gave him a look when he said that. Howard said that they're two adults and that's not that bad. Howard said John had some place to go so he had to leave soon. He asked Billy and Fred to do their impressions of John. John said that he never did that before they made it up on the show. Then he started talking that way.

    Howard found out that John and Christina were on the Jenny Jones show and Christina's ex was on the show. Howard asked if John ever compares notes with the guy. John said he hasn't yet. Christina gave him a look again according to the guys.

    Howard asked Christina how many times they can go in one night. Christina said that she's not sure about that. Howard started to wrap up with them again. He asked if he could hug Christina goodbye. John was fine with it. So was Christina. Howard said he might be in love with John's new girlfriend. He asked John if things are working okay down below. John said they are. He said he still needs time to fully heal though. Howard let them go and said he'd come out in a minute when he goes to break.

    Howard said it might be worth going through getting your penis cut off to get a chick like that. Howard said they barely know each other. Gary said they must really be in love because they're going to go for a carriage ride in the city later today. They're postponing their flights to make sure they can do that. They went to break after that.

  • Manager's Meeting And Greaseman Discussions. 03/15/1994. 5:35pm
    Howard came back from break and said that management went to a meeting down in Cancun. He said that the whole management team went down there. He said it's so much more pleasant there without Tom. He said they were fighting a lot before Tom left.

    Howard said he heard the funniest manager is supposed to win a prize at the meeting. Jackie actually wrote some jokes for Tom. Jackie didn't think it was worth mentioning but Howard did. Howard said that's funny that he would ask for jokes.

    Howard asked what jokes Jackie gave him. Jackie said he didn't remember what they were. Jackie said a higher up in the company told him about that and took one of his Joke-In-A-Box things to use instead of asking him for some jokes.

    Howard said he heard they're going to be discussing what to do with the Greaseman down there. That led to Billy doing his impression of the Greaseman. Howard said the guy is losing ratings for the station. He said they wanted him there to bring in ratings but that's not working out. Howard said they're having a whole meeting about how to get rid of the guy now. Billy continued to do his impression making weird noises and saying things like ''Waddle Daddle.''

    Howard said Tom thought the guy was funny but he told him that he's never been funny. Howard said they handed the guy syndication and it's like they were doing that just to piss him off. Howard said he created the syndication thing there and all of these other guys are benefiting from it.

    Howard said he can't believe that Tom asked for jokes from Jackie. Howard said they have to get tape of Tom telling those jokes. He and the guys goofed on Tom about that stuff for a few minutes. Howard said they got less than a 1 the last ratings period with that Greaseman. He said they don't want to give him up though because they paid him so much. Howard said it's a big problem.

    Howard said the guys out in California were going to grab him up but Andy Bloom didn't want to do that. Now they have him down to just an hour of work but they still have to pay him big money.

    Howard said they wanted him to run Greaseman promos on his show and he refused. He said they slip them in when they go on vacation though. Howard said that's Tom's sneaky trick.

    Robin said that Tom told her that he's no fan of Mexico. She did her impression of his monotone and told Howard what he said to her about that. Howard said he doesn't believe that at all. He said that he's probably enjoying that trip.

    Howard goofed on Tom about the Greaseman thing for a few more minutes. Howard said it was Tom's idea to bring him there and now he has to take the blame for the failure. Howard said he warned Tom about that. Robin said Tom has told her that he finds him funny. Robin did her impression of Tom's laugh while Billy was doing his Greaseman impression. Fred did his Tom laugh too. Robin said Tom says that Howard and the Greaseman have different styles. Howard said Tom is a dullard and he's witless.

  • Late Night Talk Show Discussions. 03/15/1994. 5:50pm
    Howard said he was reading that CBS is trying to figure out who to put on after Letterman and they've got Regis in the mix. Howard said Dave seems to think that Regis is a talent and he's not sure why. Gary said Regis is good friends with Letterman. Howard said he thinks that Dave is just goofing on Regis. He said that Tom Snyder is also up for the job but the guy is uncomfortable to look at. Howard said he can't believe that's the biggest talent they can find for a late night show.

    Howard said he was reading what Regis had to say about the job and how he might be done with his morning show. Howard said Regis isn't done with that job. He said he was joking around about that but Regis isn't going anywhere. He said he'll be on that Regis and Kathie Lee show. He said he heard he hates Kathie Lee though. Howard said he heard they were yelling at each other in the hallway but those are just rumors.

    Howard did his impression of Regis a little bit as he was reading the article. Howard said he thinks that Regis is going to lose his morning show ratings and maybe he will have to go to late night. Howard said he'll fail there too though. Howard said he'd be ''Regis Failbin'' then.

    Howard said that Dave is just goofing on the guy when he says he's going to give him a job after his show. Howard said that's never going to happen.

    Howard and the guys talked about Kathie Lee a little bit too. They talked about her needing a young man instead of that old man Frank Gifford she's with.

  • Robin's News. 03/15/1994. 5:55pm
    Howard had Robin start her news. She started off with a story about homosexual acts in the animal world. She had some details about something that causes more homosexual acts with sheep. Howard said that they're not gay, they're looking for a female. He said that they'll hump anything finding a female to mate with. Howard said that being a homosexual is completely psychological, he's convinced of that. Howard said he knows that for a fact. Howard said they'll never find anything in the brain to explain that. Howard said he thinks that a man can be cured if he really wants to. He said homos are made, not born.

    Robin read a story about a guy who fell as he was trying to climb down to his girlfriend's room. He fell 11 stories trying to climb down a rope.

    Robin read a story about President Clinton and the Whitewater scandal. She had some audio of Clinton talking about that and claiming it was unjustified. Howard welcomed him to the club. He said now he knows how he feels with the FCC coming after him. They had some audio of a guy spelling out ''C L I N T O N'' and asking what it spelled. Fred kept playing Gary's ''I don't know'' audio clip during that.

    Robin read a story about a guy who shot some co-workers and himself at his workplace after he was fired. Fred threw in a Jackie laugh when she read that story. The guy killed a couple of people and eventually died himself.

    Robin had a story about a teacher that got into some trouble asking his students if they were going to take anyone not the same race to their prom. He said it wasn't going to look good if they had a mixed race prom. Robin said he was suspended after students turned him in. She had some audio of a guy from the KKK talking about how he didn't want to see mixed race couples kissing or anything like that.

    Robin read a story about how short people have a shorter life expectancy than taller. She said that they have shorter arteries that can get clogged easier. Howard said he doesn't see many older tall people, they're usually shorter.

    Robin said that Mickey Mantle's son died last week. He had just come out of a substance abuse center when he collapsed and died. Gary came in and said that he was going to contact that principal that they were talking about earlier. He had to get some information from Robin so he could do that. Gary said he didn't want to break into the middle of her story so he was in there just staring at Howard.

    Robin read some news stories about Tanya Harding, Leona Helmsley, a woman who committed suicide and wrote a nice letter about the person who advised her how to do it and Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson's marriage problems.

    Howard and the guys were doing their drunken Don Johnson impressions and goofed on him for a short time. Robin had some details about Johnson and another guy getting into a fight at a bar. The guys goofed on Johnson through the whole thing.

    Robin read about Jeffrey Dahmer's victims and how the families are looking to get some money out of him. Robin read a story about a rap concert where they were going to have a guns for tickets concert and only 26 guns were turned in so they canceled the concert.

    Robin read about some officers who saw a man in his car thrashing about in his car with a smile on his face. The cops went to the guy's car and saw no one else in the car but the guy had his hands shoved in his pants. They ordered him out of the car but he refused. They pulled his hand away thinking he might have a weapon but when they checked his pants, the guy had a terrible accident. He had tried to shove drugs in his butt and they came out as the cop was checking.

    Robin read some news about Roseanne and Tom Arnold doing an interview with Magic Johnson as the interviewer. Howard said that Magic should do an interview with the person who infected him. That would be a good interview. The guys goofed on Magic for a few minutes and Robin ended her news a short time later with a quick mention that the Crash Test Dummies were going to be on Letterman that night.

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