|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started off the show talking about the opening theme song he and Rob Zombie created for the Private Parts soundtrack. He also said he got a message from Artie but hadn't returned anything. Howard said he was going to text him back but he wasn't able to do it because Artie would need his Blackberry messenger code.
Howard said that he has been very busy with cell phones lately and he's now a Blackberry Bold guy. He said that he spent the whole weekend with this new Bold and told Robin that she has to get one of them. He told Artie to get one as well.
Howard said that the keyboard on the Bold is great. He said that it doesn't slide out. He said that Gary and Jon Hein both have one of these Bolds as well. Artie said he has to go get one today if Howard says he has to.
Howard told Artie he really should get this Bold. Howard said that the phone works faster and has more features than what Artie has.
Howard said the iPhone is great but he doesn't like that keyboard. He said that the Blackberry also has integration with Lotus Notes and the iPhone doesn't. He said that there are some nice things about the iPhone that he liked but he had to go with the Blackberry.
Howard said that he was checking out the Palm Pre but he's now a Blackberry user and now he knows what the ''Crackberry'' means when they say that. He said he was all caught up in it over the weekend.
Howard told Artie that he'll take his phone during the break and set it up so he can get his messenger thing. Artie said that he's sure he has it but he doesn't know much about it. He said he'd figure it out though.
Howard said that Artie has to set up his messenger and told him how to find his pin. He told Artie to send that to him in an e-mail and they'll be able to use that messenger thing together. Howard said that he's like a Blackberry expert now that he spent the whole weekend with his new phone.
Howard said that Artie needs to sit down with him so he can fill him in on what to do. Howard said that it hit him like a ton of bricks when he was thinking about the phones over the weekend. He said the Bold is really fast and he could take a picture of Robin and send it around the world in 3 seconds.
Howard said that he's more of a master on his Blackberry than he is with Chess. Robin said that she thinks she could go to one phone if she got one of these Bold things. Howard told her she should leave now and go get one. Robin said that she's going to do it after work today. She was just waiting for Howard to come up with something.
Fred said that he just has a regular cell phone but he will probably end up with what Howard has. He said that he'll keep that Bold in mind. Artie said that his assistant got a Blackberry when she suggested it and that's why he got the one he did.
Artie said that he started exercising this weekend. He said he was playing some ball and doing some other exercise this weekend so he's feeling good.
Howard said that Artie is a blank slate right now to get dirty again. He said that he thought Artie was going to come to the concert on Saturday. Artie said that he got caught up in basketball and ended up losing some money.
Artie said that he was betting on the games and stuff this weekend. He told Howard about the bets he had and how he had $5,000 on U. Con and another 5 on the over/under. He said that U. Con lost and he was down by $5,500 with the vig. He explained all of the details of how he was losing this money and then he put 10 grand on North Carolina and won. He said that his friend had money on them and he figured he knew something so he did the same thing.
Artie said that he's going to see how things go tonight. Howard told Artie he really has to get off of the gambling thing. Howard told him he has to be done with that. He knows that he has to kill time with something but that's not the right thing to do.
Artie asked if Paul thinks that Ringo is really a good drummer or would he just say that he's the luckiest guy on Earth. Howard said that he thinks that Paul thinks that he's a good drummer.
Howard said that he had High Pitch Eric on the phone. He said that Eric has to be some kind of genius or something. Howard said that he walked out of the concert, which was put together by David Lynch, to help at risk kids get into meditation, and High Pitch Eric was right up by his car when he walked out of the place. No one else can get near him but Eric was walking around like he was a cop or something.
Howard asked Eric how he does it. Eric said that he just does. Eric explained how he went to a game on Saturday and then took a train to Rockefeller Center. He knew where Howard was going to be so he saw the car out there and just took a walk. Robin asked how he got to the limo.
Howard said there's no stopping this guy. He said that he might be retarded but every other retarded person was behind the stanchions. He wondered why Eric wasn't stopped from going near his car. Eric didn't know why that was.
Howard said that Eric left him a voice mail where he makes this big announcement and then he calls into the show. He played the announcement that Eric made, which was that he's not going to do the show anymore. Howard said that his sister hates him doing the show and he was announcing that he wasn't going to do it.
In the voice mail Eric said that he was trying to turn his life around and he was on anti-depressants and stuff.
Howard told Eric that they have to get into this with Eric. Howard asked him what it was that was ruining his life. Eric said that he needs a job to get money and he wants to be a better person. He said he went to the doctor a few weeks ago and he was losing weight and was much healthier. Howard said that he didn't look that way on Saturday. He said he still had that blank stare on his face and the open lips.
Eric asked Howard if he spoke to Jerry Seinfeld for the first time in a long time at the concert. Howard said that he and Jerry actually talk a lot when they run into each other. He said that happens pretty often. He said that they're not at war like some people think he is.
Artie said he heard Gary saying something on the Wrap Up Show about why Jerry doesn't do the show. Howard said that was because of what they made fun of him about years ago. Howard said he saw Jerry back stage with Carol Leifer. He said that she's been on the show. Howard said that she and Jerry used to write together and she's got a new book out.
Howard said that he was fine with Jerry back stage. Eric said that's all he wanted to ask about. Eric also said that Mariann from Brooklyn was at that concert. Howard said she was on the phone waiting to get on too.
Howard said he was leaving and Yoko walked in. He said he knows that she hates him. She thinks that he's a scumbag.
Howard talked about some of the people he saw at the concert. He said that he was staring at Jennifer Aniston's ass and didn't even know it was her's. He said he saw a bunch of people there like Mike Love from the Beach Boys. He said he spent a lot of time talking to him. He said that Donovan went out and sang Hurdy Gurdy Man which was kind of cool. Howard said he wanted to go out and sing that with him.
Howard said that he was back stage getting ready to go out and talk on stage. They asked him to stretch it out a bit because they weren't going to be ready right away. They told him that they needed him to finish as soon as he could when he saw the teleprompter saying that he had to finish. He said that as soon as he went out there they hit the prompter to let him know he had to cut. He said that it was really distracting.
Howard said he was going to talk about how he didn't have direction in life when he found Transcendental Meditation. He was going to go into a whole thing and then he saw the cut sign so he had to wrap it up. He ended up talking about his mom instead. Howard said they had a whole thing going on there because they had to stick to the schedule the best they could.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said she thought Howard's speech was great. She loved Paul McCartney and some of the other acts there. She said that her brother gave her the ticket. She got a call from Eric while she was in there but she just turned it off. Mariann said that there were some speakers who went on too long about the TM thing. She said that she loved the concert though. She said that David Lynch was really great too.
Howard said that David Lynch is a film director and he somehow came up with this thing to teach kids about the meditation thing. He's not sure how he got Paul and Ringo to get into the whole thing. He said that he didn't know that Jerry Seinfeld was a meditator either. Howard said that he would have liked his mom to come but he didn't want to start asking people for tickets.
Howard said his mother called him the morning after the concert. She was lecturing him about some stuff. She was telling him that she was upset that Jerry Seinfeld was at the concert because she thought he wasn't a meditator. Howard said that she was telling him that everyone who meditates like that has to tell other people that they do it. Howard said that Jerry was telling people that by going to the concert. Howard said his mother was going on and on about this fame thing and how they have to fill people in on the meditation.
Howard said that he calls his mom ''Momarhishi'' now. He said that he got the lecture about all of that for Jerry. He said that she also figured that Paul McCartney was a mediator so she was talking about what a fan of theirs she was. Howard was doing his impression of his mother as he told these stories.
Howard said that he went to raise money for the meditation thing and he ended up getting the lecture. He said that he was talking to her about what he did at the concert and then his father got on the line. He said that he asked him what happened at the concert and he told him to ask his mom since he had just explained it to her.
Howard said that his father started on a rampage about something in the news. He said he might have to call him about that. Howard said that his father was talking about Rush Limbaugh leaving New York and went off on him. There was also something about a guy who ripped some people off and some other news stories. He said that his father was screaming about the Tyra Banks show too.
Howard said his father was upset about Bristol Palin's ex-boyfriend who knocked her up. He said he didn't know the story but his father wanted to fill him in so he just told him he already knew about it. He said he was on a mad tear about this stuff. Howard said the phone call was crazy.
Howard said he thinks his parents watch the Tyra Banks show because Beth is on it once in a while. He said he thinks that they just watch it because they're waiting for her to come on. Howard said that Beth is going to be on the Mike and Juliet show this week too so they're probably watching that all week as well.
Howard said he hoped that the people at the concert liked what he had to say. He said he went out to his seat after that. Robin said that's when she saw him come out. Howard said that Robin was bopping up and down out there as they were performing. Robin said that she was screaming like she was 12 years old out there. Howard said that Paul did ''Blackbird'' on his own and it was great. Then Paul and Ringo performed a song together and that was great.
Howard said that it's really amazing to see someone able to play the guitar and sing the way Paul can. Artie said he was pissed that he didn't go after hearing all of this stuff.
Howard said that Robin was out there dancing around and her hair was so high that Martin Scorsese probably couldn't see anything.
Howard said that he didn't go to the after party. Robin said that the concert went until about 11. Howard said Paul went over his half hour of time on stage. Robin said that Eddie Vedder even seemed to be having a good time out there. Robin said that he didn't say anything about meditating though. She said that he and Ben Harper did a cover of a song that turned out to be great.
Howard said that David Lynch turned out to be a really nice guy and he did a great job putting all of that together. Robin said that they've turned some kids around with the meditation thing and it changed the whole attitude of this one school they worked with. Artie said it's cool they did that with a school and it makes sense that it works.
Howard said that Laura Dern was there at the concert. Robin said that a lot of people from Lynch's shows and movies were there at the concert.
Robin said she must have been making a fool out of herself at the concert because Jennifer Aniston was staring at her like she was nuts. Robin said that Jennifer did applaud when Howard was done with his speech.
Bobo called in and asked what Beth was wearing. Howard said that she went through 5 different outfits before they went and she ended up wearing a belly shirt with some pants. Howard said that she didn't even hear his speech because she went out to get into her chair and this woman was talking to her. Howard said that the woman may have been drunk. Beth told him that she was asking him if it was strange for her to see him on the stage. Beth told her that it wasn't weird because it was her husband. The woman wouldn't let up with her questioning and she didn't hear what he was saying because of that.
Howard said that Beth is going nuts because he's so obsessed with the phone. Howard said that Beth was going to get one of the phones too but she's upset that she's going to lose her number. Robin said that she can keep the number. Howard said he heard that it's tough to transfer it.
Howard said that he's obsessed with the phone and he told Robin that she has to get one. Robin said that she's not sure what she's going to do because she has to switch to AT&T even though one of her phones isn't on the service. She has two, one is a back up.
Howard said that Gary doesn't know that much about his phone and he doesn't use it as much as Jon Hein does. Gary said he likes to monitor his messages on his phone but he doesn't want to know every aspect of it like Howard does.
Gary said that he has a Blackberry and a cell phone. He said that he doesn't like the way the Blackberry feels in his hand so he has a cell phone on him to talk on. Gary said that he doesn't carry the Blackberry with him all the time. Howard said that he found out which of his friends had Blackberries and put them on his messenger list. He told Gary he could help him out with that if he got into his phone more.
Howard told Gary that he's the Techno Beaver so he should be using this stuff. Howard said he's been watching a bunch of these gadget shows and a lot of people don't know what they're talking about. He said that Gary can't just be ''Gadget Gary'' on these shows he goes on. He really needs to be Techno Beaver.
Howard said that they have a whole Techno Beaver thing going on and people are making costumes for Gary. He said that they've been posting the pictures on HowardStern.com. Howard said that his point is that if he's the Techno beaver he could have kids following him as well as adults. Howard said that kids would love that.
Howard said that they put King right on the air without checking their sources. He played the call a short time later. In the clip the FOX news reporters took a call from this guy claiming to be the director of communications for the Mayor of Binghamton. He told them about the multiple hostages up there. The reporters were asking him questions about the situation up there when he told them that the gunman was in communication with Howard Stern and Baba Booey and called them retards.
Howard said that some of the reports about that call were saying that he must not be that well known these days because the woman didn't recognize him. Howard said that she didn't even recognize that King had called her a retard. Howard said that it has nothing to do with his name.
Howard said that the cops up there are being blasted because they waited 23 minutes to go into the building even though the guy had already shot himself. Howard said he wouldn't want to go in there either though. He said that no one wants to get shot.
Howard let King go a short time later. Howard said that it's nice to have him back doing his prank calls. He's probably back because Captain Janks has gone into hiding since he got into trouble with the law.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked about the concert again. Howard said that Ringo gave him a shout out on stage. He said that Ringo asked ''Who would have thought that Howard Stern meditated.''
Howard said that Mike Love had also told him back stage that you don't have to be a pussy to meditate. He said that was kind of cool and he went out on stage and told the crowd that.
Howard said the concert was amazing and it was great to see Paul and Ringo out there on stage together. He said the whole concert was cool. That led to them talking about Ringo and playing his ''Peace and love'' message that they've been playing on the show for months.
The caller asked Howard what he thought about Eddie Vedder and Ben Harper. Howard said he thought they were great. The caller said that he thinks that they're great together too. The guy said that he thinks that Ben is really amazing. Howard said that he was thinking about Ben Harper while he was checking out Jennifer Aniston's ass. He said he was thinking about how Laura Dern and Billy Bob Thornton were engaged and how Angelina Jolie stole her away. Howard said that maybe Jennifer should talk to Laura because Brad Pitt was also stolen away from her by Angelina Jolie.
Howard played the Ringo Starr ''Peace and love'' message that he left for his fans when he told them that he wasn't going to sign autographs for them anymore. Ringo said he had too much to do to get to the autographs. They spent a short time talking about that and goofing on Ringo about his goofy message.
Howard said he didn't get a chance to hang out with Paul McCartney at all. He said that he was out in his seat most of the time. He said that he may have seen Paul's youngest daughter back stage. He had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and sang along to the song and threw in some lyrics about Artie being off the Suboxin. Howard said that he was going to have Lisa G come in with her news preview after that.
Howard said he thought he had someone who he was going to set up with Lisa but someone put the kibosh on that. He said he was going to set her up with Mike Portnoy and Ross Zapin put a stop to that. Howard said he tried for her but things aren't working out so far.
Howard said that Robin has been out with Mike before. Robin said she didn't go out with him on a date, she's just hung out with him.
Howard said that he was working on it for Lisa but Ross killed it. He said that Ross didn't want to hang around with Lisa for some reason. Lisa didn't seem to have a problem with that. Howard told her to work on Ross and maybe he'll let it happen.
Howard said that Mike did text him about Lisa and he was asking about her. Then Ross must have gotten a hold of him and ruined it. Lisa said that this is very ''high school.'' Howard said that she has to win over Ross first apparently.
Howard said that Ross might think that Lisa isn't enough fun to hang out with. Lisa didn't seem to be affected by anything that Howard was saying about Ross turning her down.
Lisa asked Howard about going up on stage and doing his speech. Howard said he didn't stay up there for long. He said he's not great in front of a crowd.
Lisa said that Scott DePace was shocked to hear that the fans were telling Beth about him ''hitting'' his dog. Scott said that he doesn't hit the dog with a closed fist, he just swats it with a newspaper and things like that. Howard said he found out that it was Richie Notar who told Beth about that. He said that Richie is the biggest Yenta he knows when it comes to stuff like that.
Lisa said that she thought that Howard had posted some videos on Facebook but Howard said he hates Facebook and he's not posting anything. Howard said that maybe Beth posted something up there, not him. Lisa said that Howard took the videos where he's telling the dog to do things and the dog wasn't listening. Howard said that's what happens when you train your dog. He said he was making it funny though.
Lisa said that a fan recently got into a discussion with Dan Rather about Howard Stern as an interviewer and Dan said that he likes Howard and he's not sure if he would do the show if he was asked to. Robin said that she saw Dan on the train recently. Howard said he'd like to ask him about how big his penis is.
Robin said that she was on a star filled train recently. She was coming home from Baltimore and she saw Danny DeVito and his wife on the train as well as Dan. Howard asked her about taking the train and how that works. Robin said that it's great for going down to Baltimore because it doesn't take that long and it's easier than going through the airport. Robin said the train is very easy and she can read, text and e-mail on it. She takes the Acela train down there so it only takes like 2 and a half hours to get there. Artie said he's taken that train to Boston before and it is great.
Howard had a guy on the phone who said that he would be the first one to support the cops up in Binghamton but they fucked up. The caller, who said he was a cop, said that they shouldn't have waited to go into that building. He said that they should have gone right in to save people. The guy had already shot himself but that shouldn't have mattered. He said that they may have been able to save someone in there if they had gone in sooner.
The caller said that if they're not willing to sacrifice their lives, then they're in the wrong line of work. The guy said that they were following the rules they have but they should think about being brave and maybe saving some lives instead.
Lisa said that Joey Boots has moved to Florida and he's asked his enablers to lose his phone number. He was able to find a new home for his cat Timmy before he moved.
Richard said that the father of the kid was wrestling with the kid. Howard said that Richard drinks on the plane so he taped himself going into the bathroom to puke. Richard said that he takes little shot bottles on the plane with him so he brought 8 or 9 of them with him. He said the flight was really rough too.
Howard played the audio of Richard puking and it was really graphic. He was puking and you could hear it all spilling out of him. Howard said that he's not sure what's worse, the baby or being next to Richard. Artie said it would be Richard.
Howard played a clip from a porn movie where this woman is going crazy sounding like she was being killed or something. Howard said he'd tell them what she was doing in the clip after he played the whole thing. He let that play out and the woman sounded kind of like the baby crying from the plane. Howard said that he hasn't seen it yet but he was told what it was. Richard said that the woman has her ankles behind her head and this guy is putting his fist and forearm up her butt hole. Richard said that even Sal couldn't watch it.
Howard asked why a guy would want to do something like that. He wondered who is into that kind of stuff. Howard played more of the clip and Richard said that he imagines Robin getting coffee shot up her ass and that's what it sounds like. Howard said he would imagine that you could die from something like that.
Howard asked how a woman takes a whole arm up her ass like that. Howard said that makes his balls tingle just thinking about that. Richard said the woman was old, like 60, in that clip.
Richard said that he was in the Jet Blue terminal and the pilot saw them and came up to them telling them not to be jacking off in his friggin' plane. Howard said that Richard drinks so much. He asked him how much he had before he puked. Richard said he had a few shots of Jaeger and a bunch of Mimosas before he did that.
Howard said he might as well play Richard and Sal's latest calls to Tradio. He said that they actually called the same station that Tradio is on but it wasn't the Tradio show. They still treat it like it's the Tradio show though.
In the call Sal calls this other show and says he wants to put some stuff up for sale. They tell him that he has to call the Tradio show instead. Sal said he wasn't able to get to the phone often because he's disabled. They ended up hanging up on him when he said ''Oh shit...'' Richard calls in with some stuff to say to a friend of his on Tradio and they hang up on him too. Then Sal calls in and asks if they have any bowling packages left. Sal then said he put a bowling pin up his asshole. They hung up on him after that of course. The host of the show seemed to be a little thrown off by that.
Howard said he liked the part where Sal said he had the bowling pin up his ass. Howard was wondering how they sell an ''$80 bowling package'' for $17 on that show. He said that's nuts. The guys goofed on them about that a little bit.
Howard played some of the Wendy audio where she begs for money so she can have something to do down there in Florida where she's bored. She said that she doesn't have any money to take her friends out to dinner and stuff. It sounded like she was on the verge of tears in the voice mail.
Howard said that Wendy called back again after that. In the next clip Wendy was talking about how bored she gets and how she really needed money so she could go out. Wendy said that she's been sitting in her house for 5 days a week and it's driving her nuts. Howard said that she told them that she eats her own feces so she should have something to do.
Howard played more of Wendy's call where she's talking about how much she hates to borrow money from her mother. Then the voice mail system cuts her off as she's talking about going out for a walk. Robin said that she has TV, drums and video tames to play. She wondered how she could get that bored.
Howard said that he's never gotten bored his entire life. He's always able to find something to keep him busy. Howard said that Wendy breaks his heart. Robin said that she was literally bored to tears. Howard said that they must have come up with that ''bored to tears'' just for Wendy.
Howard said that he had already played the High Pitch Eric clip where he said the show was ruining him. Howard said that he had some good news to announce after the break. They went to break right after that.
Howard came back and said that he had good news. He said that he was reading that the Boston NBC affiliate has refused to take Jay Leno's new show on. They've already decided that it's going to fail so they're not going to put it on the air. Howard said that NBC is now saying that they may get rid of them if they don't put the show on. Howard said that the station is saying that's fine, they're just not going to put Leno on. They can make good money doing local news in that time slot.
Howard said he's not sure what the channel would do at 10:30 if they put the news on for 30 minutes at 10. Howard read the article and they were saying that the station can make good money doing the local news and make even more than the Leno show would bring in.
Howard said he's been talking about the cell phones a lot and he saw that this woman got prison time for crashing her car while texting. Robin said that guy who crashed the train a while back was also texting. Howard read the article about this woman who killed someone while she was texting.
Steve Langford came in and told Howard that this guy who owns the station up in Boston has been down the road with other things in the past. Steve said that the guy isn't afraid of NBC and he has done similar things with them in the past. Howard said that the guy isn't going to cave into NBC because he has a station in Miami that has done really great down there.
Howard thanked Steve for filling him in on that. He said that Steve was actually back stage at the concert on Saturday night. He said that he was all excited about him talking to Jerry Seinfeld. He said Steve though it was big news but he and Jerry talk all the time and it wasn't news. Steve insisted that it was news.
Howard said that he was trying to talk to Steve about his personal life but all he was interested in was talking about work. Then Yoko walked in and Steve got all excited about that.
Steve was saying that he did see Yoko back stage earlier in the evening so she didn't just show up at the end of the concert like Howard thought she did. Howard asked Steve if he saw anything good back stage. Steve said it was great to see Howard, Paul and Ringo back stage there. He said that he was busy with Howard back there and didn't bother Paul and Ringo. Robin told him that he could have asked him about the shout out that he was doing for Howard. Howard said he kind of snuck Steve in back there so he couldn't really do that. Steve said that they were very nice to them back there so they didn't want to screw anything up.
Howard said he likes Steve and had a good time hanging out with him back there. Howard said that he's pretty intense when it comes to those news stories though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Langford is one of the biggest jerks he's ever heard on the news. Howard said that he likes that Steve is so into the stories he does. The caller didn't like the way he handled the whole Janks thing but Howard said that's what he likes about Steve. He treated that story like it was major news.
Howard said he went to the eye doctor last week. He said that this guy is really cool. Howard said that the guy is a real eye doctor, not one of those optometrists. Howard said that you usually have to get your pupils dilated and the last time they did that he passed out. Howard said that he must have had so much anxiety that he passed out. Howard said it was the one time he passed out in his life and it was about 10 years ago.
Howard said that he has a whole thing about eyes and if Robin wanted to know more she should join him at the psychiatrist. Howard joked that he woke up and people were buttoning up their pants and his asshole was burning.
Howard said that now they have this machine that takes a picture of the inside of your eye instead of using drops. He said that they don't have them in every office because insurance doesn't cover it so it ends up costing you $50 more. He said that it's worth it not to get the drops in your eyes. Howard told Robin she should try it.
Howard said that he went to lunch with Tim Sabean and Kidd Chris on Friday. He said they were talking cell phones and stuff at the restaurant. Kidd Chris got a huge meal and Tim was drinking this purplish concoction that he's been on since he got on this diet that Robin is on. Howard said that Tim was giving him the whole discussion about why he drinks it and how it gives him energy.
Howard said that Tim was telling him that he had 7 servings of fruit in the one drink. Howard asked him why he can't just eat fruit instead. Robin said that it's too much sugar if you do that. She said the drink is like the fruit without sugar.
Howard said the waiter asked Tim what he wanted to eat and Tim asked if they had vegetables. The guy told him what they had and Tim asked for some vegetable with some olive oil. Howard said that they brought out a little bit of food and Tim was munching away on something that made him want to throw up. Howard said that he wants to die when he eats vegetables. He always mixes things in with veggies and Tim was eating them straight with some olive oil and lemon.
Howard said that Tim had to have been tortured watching them eat. Tim came in and said that he wasn't tortured and said that he swears that he wasn't. Tim said it wasn't that big of a deal for him. Howard said that Tim is a better man than he is.
Tim said that he had vegetable soup last night. He said that he invited Robin over to have soup with them but she wasn't able to make it. Howard asked what was in the soup. It was all vegetables. Howard said that it sounded like a lot of calories but Robin said there are hardly any in there.
Howard asked Tim how much he's lost. Tim said that he lost 30 and he has another 30 to go. Howard said that his assistant Laura is going to do the same diet. She's going out on a trip to Disney first though. Robin said it's best not to go on vacation the first week you're starting. She said that you want to set up for success so you have to commit to it.
Howard said that they got a busy signal over at his parent's house. He said that means that they're meditating. Howard said that he has another line he could call but he's not going to do that to them.
Howard said he has to ask Dominic if he was drunk that night or something. Howard played the clip where Dominic was telling them that they are a great group there and he listens to them every night. Mutt and King of All Blacks were telling him that they were only one night a week. Then Dominic thought that they were interns. He said it was like listening to his grandchildren.
Mutt told Dominic that he was talking to the wrong guys. King of all Blacks asked him if he knew who he was talking to. Dominic had no idea what show he was listening to.
Howard said that Dominic might be starving and he may need to eat something. Howard said he hopes he's not eating mushrooms.
Howard said that Dominic was talking about his drug days on the show. He kept calling the crew ''kids'' and didn't know that it wasn't the interns he was talking to. Dominic talked about the days when he was doing drugs and stuff like that.
Howard said that Dominic is insane. He and the guys goofed on the stuff he was talking about in those clips. Fred and Howard were doing their impressions of him while they were goofing on him.
Robin asked what Dominic was thinking. Robin wanted to know why he didn't know what show he was listening to. Howard said he still wouldn't understand it if they told him.
Gary said that it shook up the movie studio and it went to the head of the company. He said that they heard from the company and they asked them not to watch the movie. Gary said that they are willing to do anything for him if he doesn't watch this unfinished version. They will set up a whole screening and even set up Hugh Jackman to do the show and things like that.
The caller asked Howard if he has listened to Riley lately. Howard said he checks it out once in a while. Howard said that they were talking about having Seth McFarlane on the show and Richard said that he would be willing to blow Sal if they had the guy on the show. Richard came in and said that he was willing to suck Seth's cock, not Sal's.
Gary said that Richard was willing to drink his own urine to have the guy on the show. Richard said he's a huge Family Guy fan and he wants to have the guy on the show. Howard said he'll have him in then.
Howard asked Richard if he would have gay sex with a guy. Richard said he's not sure he would do that. Howard asked him if he would let a guy blow a load on his back. Richard said he's not sure about that. Robin asked if he could blow it on his belly. Richard said that if it was going to be anywhere it would be on his back. Howard said that if he does that he'll have Seth McFarlane on the show.
Howard said that he will do it if he does the load on the back. Richard said he'll do it then. Howard said that they're going to book him then. Howard told Gary to book the porn star guy who claims that he's not a homosexual.
Howard asked Ben what it was that he was yelling about the Tyra Banks show. Ben said that it was a show where they had the kid who was the father of Sarah Palin's daughter's kid. Ben said that he didn't see the show, he just heard about it. Ben said that he doesn't watch that show. He just wondered if Howard had seen the show.
Ben told Howard that he didn't see the interview but he heard some of the stuff that was brought up. He was just giving Howard the information that he had heard about it. Gary said that today is actually the day they're airing that show.
Ben said that he's not going to be watching that show. He's going to the gym today. Robin asked if they got him a TiVo yet. Howard said his father doesn't want one. Ben said that they have a VCR that works just fine. Howard said that they'd be so happy with the TiVo if he got them one. Ben said he enjoys the simple life. Howard told him that it's not that simple. There are simpler things out there that he would enjoy.
Howard said that his father has to open his mind up to this new technology. Howard said that even he didn't get why people were so into these phones but now he knows why that is.
Howard said that his father would love this TiVo thing because he doesn't need tape at all. He can just hit a button and it records the show and saves it.
Howard talked about his dad having a flat screen TV and Ben was saying that he doesn't like the way the picture looks because it gets all stretched out. Robin said that he's not watching HD if it's stretched out. Ben thought that HD TV wasn't coming until June and he was a bit confused by that.
Howard said that his parents have a cell phone in their car but they don't know how to use it. Ben said he doesn't understand why people have those phones stuck to their ears all the time. He said that driving a car with that stuff in their ears is wrong too.
Howard told his dad about the woman who was texting in her car when she crashed into someone and killed someone. Ben said that a car is a weapon and you can't treat it lightly.
Ben said that he was also talking to Howard about some banking stuff that was in the news. He told Howard that story and Howard said this is what his father was on fire about on the phone with him the other day. Howard asked his dad about Rush Limbaugh too. Ben went off on him as well. He said that Rush is the biggest crock of shit he's ever heard. Ben said that he's full of it and he's also the cause of the food shortage because he eats so much.
Howard said that he was watching Alex Trebeck on TV the other day and he thinks that he's aged very poorly. That led to Ben talking about the way Trebeck does his job on Jeopardy and goofed on him about the way he asks ''Is that all?'' when the contestants bet their money in final Jeopardy.
Ben was also talking about this Family Feud show where they had one of the guys from Seinfeld on the show. He said it was the guy who played Peterman. Ben said that the starts talking and he's not an announcer type on that show and his voice goes down and down until you don't hear him. Ben was annoyed by the guy mumbling and how half the time you don't understand what he's saying. Ben said that the guy should be told that he has to speak so the audience can hear what he's saying.
Howard said that his father used to send him letters criticizing his college radio show. This is the kind of stuff he would talk about.
Howard asked his father if he's still watching Dancing with the Stars. Ben said that he is and he will watch it until the end. Howard asked Ben if he thinks that it's right for them to have an unknown guy on that show. Ben said that he thinks that it's fine but he didn't think that Mario Lopez should have been on the show when he was on. Howard asked Ben if he thinks that his hearing aid is the problem with the Family Feud guy. Ben said that he can hear people speaking when they speak. He said that he needs to pay more attention to the audience because he loses his energy.
Ben was saying that he thinks that they audience is too loud on Family Feud and they drown out what people are saying. Howard said that maybe they should do it without an audience. Ben said that the audience is fine, they just need to keep them quiet. Ben had theories on how to do all of this stuff and he was going over it all. Ben was complaining about the way they don't show the answers in some of the rounds of the game. He said that the announcer will say what it was but it gets drowned out.
Ben was saying that he was talking about the final round at the end of the game and you want to know what the top answers were but they don't give them out.
Ben was complaining about the host of the daytime version of ''Who Wants to be a Millionaire,'' Meredith Viera, and how she does this really annoying thing with the contestants when they're right. Ben complained about that and then complained about Bob Barker and the original host of Family Feud. Ben was on fire with all of these discussions.
Ben talked about how Bob Barker used to have women reach into his pocket to take money from him and they talked about it on the air years ago and Bob Barker stopped doing it a couple of days later.
Ben said he likes Drew Carey as the new host of The Price is Right. He said that the people run up to him and jump on him and he doesn't move. He said he likes Drew and how he speaks up so he can hear what he says.
Howard said he didn't know how Drew was going to do as a host but he thinks that he may have taken his advice to just stick to the game and not do material. Ben said that he's great at what he does.
Howard said that his father is right about a lot of this stuff. Ben said that they should be good at what they do and just run the show.
Howard said he thinks that his father is very excited about President Obama. Ben said that he likes what he's been saying while he's over in Europe. He said he likes the way things are going right now with him. Ben said that Obama doesn't seem to be afraid to take steps to make things work.
Howard asked his dad if he thinks that Obama did the right thing about firing the head of GM. Ben said that they're trying to reduce the cost of building cars but they're paying out contracts instead. Howard asked his dad who he thinks is better looking, Jackie Onasis or Michelle Obama. Ben said that they're quiet different but he'd like to take them both out at the same time.
Ben said that he had to get going. He said that he had done a great job at getting him aggravated today but he loved it. He also told Howard that he loves him. Howard said that his dad only says that as a joke now. He had to call him out on it years ago and now he says it in a joking way.
Howard let his father go and talked about his father a little more before taking a call. A caller said that he loves hearing his dad on the show because he misses his own father. The caller said that it's great that his father knows when he's busting his balls like that. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and talked about going through his mail over the weekend. He said that someone sent him a commercial where Artie is endorsing some politician. Howard asked Artie what was up with that. Artie said that he lives next to the guy in his building and he's known him for like 8 years. Artie said that he's running for city council and he asked him to endorse him.
Howard said that Artie is actually funny in the commercial. He said that he says the guy's name kind of funny. Artie said that the guy asked him to do it and he said he would.
Howard said the commercial is actually pretty good. He played a clip of Artie endorsing the guy. Artie does a little bit where he pretends that he's just answering the door and talking to Ravi Bhalla. He talks about how great the guy is and how nice he is.
Howard asked Artie if he was high in that clip. Artie said he was just tired. He swears he wasn't high, he was just tired. Howard said he looks high as a kite in that commercial. He said that Artie looked like he had just stepped out of an opium den.
Howard said that Artie hadn't even shaved in the commercial. Artie said that they just dropped by his place. He said the guy knocked on his door and it was his day off so he asked him to say a few words. Artie said he didn't have a tux to change into that day.
Howard congratulated Artie on stepping into the political thing. Howard told him that he should have just asked the guy if he had his food delivery or something. Artie said that he could have done an accent or something too. He said he may not have gotten away with that if he had.
Howard asked Artie if he asked Ed to stop calling him for a while before he changed his number. Artie said that it would have been futile to do that.
Howard played some clips from the voice mails that Ed leaves for Gary. He was asking for his own show, he asked to speak to Robin and then he just said he wanted to just talk to Gary. Ed got upset when Gary wasn't returning his calls. Then he gave Gary the weather report out at his place. Howard said that the calls just keep going on and on.
Robin wondered what Ed would want to talk to her about. Gary told Howard that Ed talks about how he's going to be ordering chicken wings like three times in a row. Howard played more of the calls so we could hear those. He just kept calling in time after time telling Gary what he was going to be doing. He had rented a Mustang for the week and told Gary he might go out and drive that.
Howard said they might have to give Ed something that he can twitter on. Robin wondered where he goes driving in that Mustang.
Howard said that they have Underdog Lady on tonight on Howard 101. He said she'll be on at 7pm. He had some audio clips of her talking about her dance and how she does Underdog and also does Dracula. Underdog was talking about how some people think that Dracula is too morbid for dance. Howard said he likes how she gets upset with him for making fun of her but then she doesn't have a problem with the people being upset with the people who don't like her Dracula dance.
Gary said he just got a note from Jim McClure telling him what she anted for her show tonight. She requested a bunch of junk food, a steak sandwich for the ride home and an Easter basket. Howard said that she's gotten kind of big lately so she may want to cut back on that stuff.
Gary said that Underdog was asking for the steak sandwich to be wrapped in separate halves. Howard said that she doesn't look that particular from looking at her pictures. He said that maybe she wants them wrapped for the car so she doesn't make a mess.
Howard played more of Underdog talking about the Dracula dance and how she got started in the dance and how other people had done the same thing after she was told it was too morbid for dance.
Jim McClure came in and told Howard about some of the requests that Underdog Lady has for him. He had a whole notebook full of stuff that she was requesting. She asked for a bunch of candy for her Easter basket and she didn't want the new 3 Musketeers with mint because her mother made her brush her teeth with mint and she doesn't like that flavor. Jim had a bunch of other wacky stuff she was asking for in that list.
Gary told Howard that Underdog apparently has no idea how this radio show works because she was upset when she learned that ''somehow'' clips from her last show ''leaked'' over to the Howard Stern Show.
Howard said that the show can get boring but if you stick with it, it can be pretty entertaining. Howard played some more of her rant about her Dracula dancing thing. Howard said that's the kind of stuff she can start talking about on her show but you just have to stick it out.
Howard said that he would call into her show but she won't take his call. Howard said he would even go on the show but he's pretty sure she wouldn't want that either.
Steve said that they have some behind the scenes stuff from the concert that Howard was at on Saturday. They'll have more about that all day today on Howard 100 News.
Steve said that they asked Dan Rather for an interview 3 times and he failed to respond each time even though he said that he's never been asked to be on the Stern Show.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down the list of stuff that they're going to be talking about and that led to Howard talking about Richard asking for Nick Manning to be the one to drop his load on his back. Robin said that she talked to Nick yesterday and he's bed ridden right now after working 26 hours on some movie or something.
JD came in and suggested they get Peter North to drop a load on his back since Richard is such a fan. Howard said that they'll try to get the right guy to do it. He's not sure who that will be. Howard asked Robin if the load is warm or cold. Robin said that it's warm at first but then it cools down. Howard said he was told that his load was cold.
Jon went through the rest of his Wrap Up Show preview. Howard mentioned that he and Jon Hein are on the Blackberry messenger list. Howard said he hasn't said much to Jon but he just wants to have a lot of people on his IM list.
Howard asked Robin start her news after Fred played the ''I Want Robin's Vagina'' song parody. Fred also said that he had found the Hurdy Gurdy Man song that the caller had mentioned earlier. He said that it was in the system wrong. He played the song and Artie said he remembered hearing it before. Howard said he was never a Butthole Surfers fan. He thinks that the name may have turned him off.
Howard wondered what happened to that band. He said that song wasn't so bad. He was kind of liking it. Howard said that his daughter makes him feel very self conscious about his singing. He said that his daughter makes him feel bad about the way he sings. He told her to take it easy on him because he's very fragile.
Howard said that version of the song may have been better than his version. He said that his might be heavier though. He had Fred play some of their version. Howard said he thought that Donovan was going to call him out on stage during the concert on Saturday. That didn't happen. Howard sat through the whole song judged it as if he were the judges on American Idol. Howard said he thinks that their version is right up there with the Butthole Surfers. He said that it's not better but it is competitive.
Robin got into her news and asked Artie what was the matter. He said he was still playing Hurdy Gurdy Man. Howard asked him if it was tough to get through the show without the Subutex. Artie said that he's just tired.
Robin read a story about a mother who drugged her 13 year old daughter so her boyfriend could get her pregnant on 3 occasions. The girl ended up reporting the incidents to her grandmother who called the cops.
Robin read about Mickey Rourke who was in Houston and knocked down Chris Jericho. Mickey got into the ring and knocked the guy down to close out a match. Robin said that a feud had apparently been building over the past few weeks.
Robin had some news about people who are reconsidering having chimpanzees in their homes after the recent attack. Artie said that when he was in Florida this woman had a chimp in her house right next to the place he was staying. He said that he thinks they're trying to get the woman to move away from that place. Robin read about the people trying to get rid of the chimps and how no one wants to take them.
Howard took a call from a guy who suggested that they get Sal to drop the load on Richard's back. Howard wasn't sure why Sal wasn't doing that. Robin said he might be thinking about his kids. The caller figured that maybe Sal had done it so much that it wouldn't be big news. Howard said that might be the right thing to do.
Richard came in and said he would feel safest if it was Sal. He said that Nick Manning would be great too and he would love to hear him saying ''Droppin' loads.'' Richard said he won't be able to watch any of it anyway so he's not worried about it.
Howard told Sal to step up to it. Sal said that in most situations you'd go to jail. In this situation it's ''stepping up.'' Howard asked Sal if he would be willing to do it in a hotel since they can't do it there. Sal said that's a tough one. He said he'd love for Nick Manning to do it. Richard said he'd be fine with Sal doing it though.
Howard told Richard and Sal to give them their decision tomorrow. Richard said he's sure that Sal will do it. Artie asked Richard what he's going to do when that load hits his back. Richard said he's not sure. He was told to make sure he has someone clean do it just in case he has an open wound on his back. Artie asked him if he's going to be whipped before it or something.
Howard told Sal that he can't cheat and fuck Richard in the ass first. Howard told him that he has to pull out first. Artie told Sal not to come in his ass, stick to his pussy.
Robin got back to her news and read about how people are being told to keep their cats away from Easter Lilly's because they're poisonous to cats.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she's upset with Artie for talking about her the way he did earlier. She said that she didn't turn Eric away from her when he called her 8 times that night at the concert. She said she took most of his calls and turned away just one. She said she doesn't change her number like Artie does.
Howard said he saw some pictures of himself at the concert and he thinks he looked horrible. Howard said he went with a rock and roll type of look and it wasn't good. He said that Ralph put that together for him. He said he might have to fire him now. Howard said Beth agreed with him about the look not being very good. Howard said he needed a belly shirt like Beth was wearing.
Robin read a story about Lenny Dykstra being flat broke after years of being called a Wall Street Wiz. He's at risk of losing his private jet and $18 million home. Robin said that he's been writing bad checks all over town lately according to the article she was reading.
Robin said that people are already picking who will be in the World Series this year. That led to Howard asking Artie if he's been to the new stadium yet. Artie said he's dying to go and he can't wait for that first game. He said the pictures of it look awesome and it's a new era for them.
Robin read a story about a teacher who accidentally played porn on his class computer. The school hasn't done anything about it yet since they're still investigating the incident. That led to Howard playing the audio of the old lady getting fisted up the ass that he played earlier.
Robin said that there are two chicken restaurants that have added Obama's name to the name of the restaurant. Howard said he doesn't like that.
Robin read a story about Farrah Fawcett having more health problems. She's been in the hospital since last Thursday. Robin said she's still battling cancer. Robin said that some reports say that she's unconscious in the hospital. Her son was also arrested on drug charges after visiting his mother in the hospital.
Robin read a story about the shootings up in Binghamton, New York. She had some details on the guy who did the shooting and why he may have done it. Howard said he was reading about the guy and saw that he had changed his name a lot. Howard said that he's pretty sure that he could have told them that he was bad news before the shootings. He said that you can pretty much look at some people and see that they're mental.
Robin read about Madonna's failed attempts to adopt another child from Malawi. Howard said they just ruined that kid's life. Robin said that Madonna is still trying and it's not over yet. Robin said that Madonna apparently really clicked with that girl but they've changed the rules there saying that you have to live there to adopt. That rule existed the last time Madonna adopted but this time they're sticking to the rules.
Robin read some news about the father of Bristol Palin's baby and how awful things were with that family when he had to deal with them. Robin also had a story about an in-law of Palin's who was arrested for burglary recently.
Howard said that if there were any celebrity that he would like to meet it would have been Curly Howard. He said that the Three Stooges were great. Fred had been playing some audio clips of them and that led to that discussion. Howard said that Mo was genius too because he wrote all of that stuff. Howard said that anything Curly said was funny. Artie said that you can tell how great he is when they play their movies at the theaters and not as many people go to see the ones without Curly. Robin said she liked Larry too. Howard said he was good but Curly was the best. Howard said that maybe if there is a Heaven he will meet Curly there.
Robin read some news about Obama's trip to Europe and read about some of the stuff that's been going on with that. She had some audio clips of Obama talking about some of that stuff.
Robin read about the rocket that North Korea shot off over the weekend. She had some audio of Newt Gingrich talking about that and how they have to do something about it. Gingrich said that they just keep talking and they're going to have a disaster if they don't take action. Howard said that Kim Jong Il has the same size brain as Beetlejuice does. That led to Fred playing some of Beetlejuice talking nonsense.
Robin read some news about the outgoing Cardinal there in New York City. She brought up Cardinal Egan leaving and that led to Gary coming in and saying that he was up there doing a show there in the fish bowl studio in the lobby. Howard said he heard that they were taking pictures of him there and every picture had a posters and images of Howard Stern all over the place. Howard said he thinks that guy has to be into chicks. Tim Sabean came in and told Howard he met the guy and he was very tuned into Howard and he knew exactly who he was. Howard said that maybe they'll have to take him to a strip club with them.
Robin read about the Fast and the Furious making $72 million over the weekend in the U.S. alone. Howard said he doesn't get that. Artie said he doesn't understand it either and he must be part of that special group that hates those movies.
Robin read a story about a school that has expelled a student for taking a birth control pill at school. The school can expel kids for bringing in a Tylenol.
Robin read about Giselle Bundchen and Tom Brady getting married over the weekend. Some of the security people there ended up shooting at some Paparazzi that were nearby. Tom and Giselle got married down in Costa Rica. One guy was almost shot by security when a bullet entered his car through the window.
Robin read a story about Chris Brown going to court today over the charges for allegedly beating up Rihanna. She's not expected to show up at the hearing.
Robin read a story about Josh Groban who is trying to get people to get the ''Be Like Lil' Wayne'' app for the iPhone. Robin had some audio of him talking about that.
Robin had some news about Carrie Underwood winning an award at some awards show. She read about the concert that Howard was at over the weekend. She talked about some of the stuff that went on during the concert and had Howard play some audio clips that weren't actually from the concert.
Robin read about George Harrison getting a star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame. She also talked about Miley Cyrus' latest movie. She had some audio of her talking about that. Fred played Grandpa Al Lewis' ''Bla, bla, bla...'' clip as Miley was talking.
Robin read some news about the movie ''Yes Man'' coming out on DVD and had some audio of Jim Carrey talking about that. They wrapped up and ended the show a short time later, right around 10:55am.
Gary said that they talked about that stuff in the meeting and then Richard said he'd be willing to blow the guy to get him on the show. Richard said that he knew that Seth would never do that but he just threw it out there. Richard said that they have to have him on the show because his voices are so great. Richard said that he saw Seth doing his voices at a comedy show and it was great.
Gary said that's how the whole dropping a load on Richard's back thing ended up coming up. Then Richard said he talked to Gary about having Nick Manning dropping the load on his back. He said he's not sure he'd do that because he doesn't do gay stuff. Richard said that he's not sure Peter North would do that either.
Richard said that it's not straight to jerk off on a guy. Gary said it's also gay to have someone jerk off on you.
Jon took a call from a guy who told Gary he did a great job on the show he did on E Street Radio. The guy also went off on Richard and asked him what his family is going to think about all of this. Richard said he's sure they're in Kansas shaking their heads right now. Richard said they know he's not gay.
Richard said that he tells his family that if they don't like it they can stop listening to the radio. He said that they have a great sense of humor though and they don't mind it at all. Richard said that he's always been crazy so they know.
Jon asked if Richard's family have ever wondered if he was gay or not. Richard said he's pretty sure they have discussed it. He said that he didn't get laid until he was 19 so they may have had their suspicions.
Benjy said that his family would get upset with him if he did something like that. He said that's what keeps him from even offering to do that kind of thing. Benjy asked Richard where that line is for his family. Richard said that if a big veiny penis entered his rectal cavity, then they might have a problem. Gary didn't understand why he had to describe it in such detail like that. Richard said that he's just doing theater of the mind.
Jon asked about Sal and if he's on board for that. Gary said he's not sure about that. Gary asked Richard if it's gay if a guy can finish on a guy's back. Richard said that maybe they could have Sal watch some porn on those video glasses or something.
Richard said that he hasn't spoken to his girlfriend about this yet. He said that she's probably listening right now and she'll just shake her head when she finds out about it. Richard said that this might not be as bad as licking Sal's balls that one time. He said that was more contact than this. Gary said he's not sure about that. He said that this guy is going to drop a load on his back and it's going to be right there. Richard said he thinks that as long as he doesn't see it it'll be fine.
Jon said that this is all so Richard can meet Seth McFarlane. Richard said he thinks that it would be funny to do that for him. He said that maybe Seth won't even want to come on if they know about this. Gary said that he won't tell his people about that and it's not like they'll do it in the studio or anything like that. Gary said that they may just save it for him when he comes in the studio.
Another caller asked Richard if it was a bit of a risk by letting some guy drop a load on him. He said that he must be scared after finding out that the Jackass guy had Hepatitis after he licked his ass. Richard said he does want to take proper precautions with all of that. He said that he trusts Sal but he may want to have him tested.
Jon asked Richard if there are any other guests he'd be willing to do this for. Richard said that he'd do that for John Carpenter the director. He said he'd be willing to do even more to have that guy on. He said that Carpenter is like a god to him.
Jon asked Gary who else has done stuff like this and just how far people are willing to go. Gary said he won't do anything like that to meet anyone. Jon asked if Jason would do anything like this to meet the guy. Richard said that he's got a very hairy back so that would be wild if a guy dropped his load on him. Richard said that he thinks that it's part of his job to make the show funny by doing this kind of stuff.
Jon said that no one is going to want to fly with Richard after they hear the audio of him puking. Richard said that he's getting better with flying but then they had a rough flight on Friday and he gets freaked out. That's why he was drinking.
Richard said that the baby screaming on the flight went on for like 15-20 minutes. He said that it was before they took off so he wasn't able to use his headphones that block out the noise.
Jon had Teddy play a clip of Richard agreeing to do the load on his back thing. After playing that clip Gary said that he thinks that Mike Morse should do a song parody about the dropping of a load on him. Richard said someone did that with Artie. He also pointed out that Artie ended up getting a load on him. Gary said that was accidental though.
Gary suggested that they let the load puddle up on Richard's back. Richard said that he just doesn't want the load running down to his ass.
Sal came in so Jon said that he was surprised that he agreed to do this. Sal said he didn't agree to do anything. He just didn't say no. Sal said that the problem is that they do these things that get crazy and then people call in and say it's too gay. He said that he listens to the fans and this is like the ultimate act of gayness.
Gary said that the gay part is on Richard though. Sal said that they should poll the fans and ask them what they want. Gary said no to that and he's not going to ask the fans what they want. Gary said that Howard wants this and that's why they're going with it. Sal said that they're strong arming him into doing this. Gary said that's not what they're doing.
Sal said that he wants to do the poll and find out if the fans really want it. Gary said that Howard doesn't poll the audience to find out what they want, this is what Howard wants and he knows what's best for the show.
Sal said that he puts all of his faith in Howard but the audience complains about this stuff so that's why he wants to do the poll. Richard said they haven't done any gay stuff this year so maybe they'll be good for a whole year when they do this.
Gary said that they should be good to go for a while quarter. He said that they have to do a gay stunt every quarter, just like George Takei comes in every quarter. That led to Gary asking Richard if he would let George jerk off on his back. Richard said that maybe they could let two guys jerk off on his back and then they could have Seth and Matt Groening on the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that they should get a gay guy in there to do the jerking off. Richard said he really wants Sal to do it because he knows the guy. Ever since the Novak thing with the ass licking, he's kind of gun shy. Richard said he wants Sal to share the glory with him. Sal said that he would rather be the one dropping the load and walking away. That way he doesn't have any contact. Sal said that it is still gay though.
Sal said that he's not going to be wearing the MyVu glasses while he's beating off either because he doesn't want Richard standing up and slapping him in the face with his dick.
Ralph said that he doesn't think that this is gay at all. He said that he's concerned with the size of the load and maybe he'd have a huge load. Sal said that he would deliver. He said that he's been saving up for a long time now and he will deliver.
Richard was way too excited about this so Sal pointed that out. Ralph asked if he could shoot a load in his face if they booked John Carpenter. Richard said he would if he could wear goggles. The guys sounded shocked that he would even consider that. Richard said he was just kidding.
Ralph told the guys that this really isn't gay and they should just do it. Sal said that maybe Ralph should do it then. Ralph said that he's not into that.
Richard asked if Ralph would do this to meet George Lucas. Ralph said he wouldn't and he's already met George. He said he might do something strange to meet Sean Connery but not take a load on his back.
Jon took a call from a guy who told Sal that he can't do this because he's an Italian guy from Long Island and if he does it, he's out. Sal said he knows that. He agreed with the guy and said he knows he can't do this. The caller said that he's not even 100 percent Italian and he knows that he can't be doing this.
Jon said that some people think that Sal is looking for a way out of this whole thing. Sal said that he respects the fan's opinions. He said that he's proud of what he does there but all of this gay stuff is too much.
Gary said that Howard wants him to do it though so how does he respond to that. Sal said that Howard is the man but he's really going to have to think about it. Sal said that he would love to hear the fan's opinions before hand.
Another caller said that he thinks that Richard is getting off too easy. He said that they should have High Pitch Mike do the load dropping. Richard said that it doesn't matter who it is really, because a load is a load.
Gary said that Sal is the first one to push someone to do something for the good of the show and now he's not willing to do something for the show himself. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon also asked Gary about being in Howard's Blackberry circle. Gary said he's in there with Ross Zapin, Jon Hein and Tim Sabean. That led to Sal making fun of Ross but not really making fun of him. He was saying that ''Ross is Ross'' but then said he didn't mean anything by that.
Sal said that Ross is very vain and he made a big leap when he joked about him begin kind of fat now. Sal said that Ross joked about fucking his wife when he made fun of his weight. He thought that was a little harsh. Gary said that's what people are going to go for when Sal makes fun of them.
Jon took a call from a guy who told Richard that he's wrong for doing this whole thing. Richard said he apologizes for that but that's what he does. He said that not everyone from Kansas is like that. The caller asked Richard if he ever fucked sheep in the barn. Richard said he didn't do that but he did know a guy who did it. Richard said the story is legend around where he grew up.
Jon took a call from the Mets hater guy. He went off on the Mets so Gary just pointed out that his Phillies are half a game behind already. The guy said he knew that he was going to bring that up.
The caller was also telling Richard that this is too gay and he can't do the load on his back thing. Richard said that it might be too late.
Sal was saying that the meditation thing is supposed to settle you down and he doesn't seem like the right kind of guy to talk about that stuff. Sal said that Howard seems extremely stressed every day of his life. Gary said that it has helped him though and who is Sal to say that it's not helping.
Sal said that he can imagine someone like Dr. Roni being into that whole meditation thing but he doesn't think that Howard is being helped.
Sal said that he's kind of curious about the meditation thing and he would like to try it for stress. He said that he's not sure he wants to be even more creative than he is already. Jon told him it might help him get a grip on some stuff. Sal said that Xanax is already good for that. Sal said he's been taking it like once or twice a week when he gets the shakes. He only takes like 1mg though.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Jon would do gay stuff to get the guys from Rush on the show. Jon won't do anything. Richard said he'd love to get some of the guys from other bands like Dream Theater.
Jon said that he's not sure what he would do but he doesn't think that he'd take a load on his back. Sal asked if Jon would take a break from driving by the school yards. Jon said that Sal and Richard like to make him out as some kind of child molester and he's not. Sal said that they do talk about some stuff in the car on the drive home though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he picked up a porno with Peter North in it and wondered if Richard would let that guy drop his huge loads on him. Richard said he would consider it.
Jon asked Sal how his trip with his wife went this weekend. Sal said that it was great and a guy gave his wife like 20 pocketbooks. Sal said that he's meeting with his financial guy next Monday so things are going good.
Jon asked Gary what he thinks was going on with Dominic Barbara on the Superfan Roundtable show. Gary said he's not sure what was going on there. He said that he was talking about drugs in a strange way. Gary was also saying that Dominic is a Superfan of the show and he can get into that ''we'' thing like other fans do.
Sal said he thinks that Dominic thinks that he's in the ''Fab 5'' of the show with Howard and the crew. Sal said he thinks that he represents the show in some way.
Benjy asked if Dominic had any input into the show hen they moved. Gary said he had zero input into the show when they moved there. They had to end the show after that.
Howard started off the show asking Gary if the Imus commercial was airing on TV or just on the internet. Gary told him it's all over TV. Robin said she hadn't seen that yet. Howard said they seem to be trying to seize the opportunity without anything decent on terrestrial radio. He said that there's absolutely nothing to pick over Imus right now so they're trying to get people to listen to him.
Howard said that the commercial is really dumb and typical Imus. Howard said that when he shot a commercial with Imus he had to sit quietly. In this new commercial Imus just sits there reading The Onion newspaper like he's some kind of cool guy who is into that kind of stuff. Robin said that he's probably stealing stuff from The Onion.
Howard said that they have two guys there talking about Imus and Imus doesn't say a word in the commercial. He croaks something out at the end of the commercial. Howard said that Imus is a fuckin' retard and it's such a gay commercial.
Howard played the commercial and goofed on Imus some more. He wondered where Imus has cancer. He thought it was in his asshole because he is such an asshole. It's prostate cancer. Howard said that it would figure if it was asshole cancer because the guy is such an asshole.
The Imus commercial was a couple of guys talking and Imus saying just two words at the end which were ''You're stupid.''
Artie said that the commercial is a parody of the ''I'm a PC'' commercials that Apple puts out. Howard said he didn't even know that commercial and he's sure Imus didn't either.
Howard said that Imus is the cool host because the ''politically correct host'' in the commercial doesn't ask the tough questions. Howard said that Imus apparently asks the tough questions and makes people squirm.
Howard said that he predicts that Citadel is going to become huge now that they're advertising Imus' show. Howard said that Imus went out and apologized to people for a comment he made on the air. That's how irreverent he is.
Howard said that he'd like to know who created that commercial. He said he knows what it's like to be in a commercial with the guy because they did one back at NBC. Howard said that Imus just sits there and says nothing and they wait for him to say two words. Howard imagined what they were telling Imus about those two words and how great they must have told him it was.
Robin wondered if that was an ad lib or something they wrote for him. Howard said he probably gave them a few lines and they picked one to use in the commercial.
Howard said that Imus is such misery. He said he had to hear the spot again because he loved it so much. Howard played the commercial again and then goofed on the way Imus said ''You're stupid.''
Howard did his impression of Imus and said that he's so cool. Robin said he's cool because he's sitting there in a cowboy outfit. Howard said he should do a commercial where he's Imus sitting there in a cowboy hat. Artie said the whole thing is actually a big ''fuck you to cool.''
Howard and the guys were all goofing on Imus. Howard said that he's a trip, that douche. Howard and Fred were doing their impressions of Imus during all of that. Robin was even doing her impression of the guy. Howard said he doesn't want to be in radio when he starts sounding like that guy. They said Imus is starting to sound like an old woman the way he talks.
Howard said that he doesn't want to create stuff for his Facebook or Twitter account. Howard said that's why he hates Facebook.
Howard read some quotes from Twitter accounts from people like P. Diddy, Snoop Dogg, Lindsay Lohan and a few others. Then Howard threw in some fake Tim Sabean quotes about being hungry.
Howard had some quotes from Courtney Love and Trent Reznor. Trent was bad mouthing Chris Cornell's new album saying that he felt embarrassed for the guy. Howard said that might have been the best quote in there.
Howard read a couple more quotes from a few other people like Ryan Seacrest, Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher and others.
Howard was talking about how great Byrne was in the show and Robin was saying that he's not that good looking. Howard said he thought he was a good looking dude. Robin said he wasn't. Howard thought he was as good looking as Harrison Ford but Robin gave him a big ''Nooo.'' She thinks that he's a great actor though.
Howard took a call from a guy who was from Hoboken. That got Howard talking about Artie endorsing the city council guy Ravi Bhalla. Howard read some mail that he got about that. Some people there were happy about Artie backing the guy because he wants to lower taxes there. Artie said that taxes there are insane.
The caller asked Howard if he and Beth discuss their career moves in bed. Howard said of course they do. The caller was surprised. The caller asked if Beth has an agent or if Howard is her agent. Howard said that Beth is with C.A.A. and she does have an agent.
The caller was saying that there is some talk about Howard grooming Beth to be a big talk show host. Howard said that's not what they're doing. Howard said that she's still doing the Tyra Banks show and things like that. Howard said that Beth just shot a show for a cable network and she'll be the host of that. She's also writing a book about training dogs.
The caller also asked Howard if it's true that he's already working on his new contract. Howard said he hasn't had any negotiations about that yet. Howard said that there's no rush to get to that for another year and a half. The caller said that they must have some kind of back up option to keep Howard there. Howard said he hasn't done anything.
Howard said he was reading an article about how Sirius doesn't know that they're in the Howard Stern business and not even in the radio business. Howard said he liked reading that.
Howard said he was in bed last night with Beth... and the caller asked him what she was wearing. Howard said she doesn't really wear anything that wild to bed.
Howard said he was laying there talking to Beth and they were discussing the contract there. He said he's done with radio when his contact is up. Beth told him to stop that because she doesn't believe that he's going to retire and that he should stop saying that. Howard said that she's right because he doesn't know what he's going to do when the contract is up. Howard said he didn't want to come to work this morning though. He would like to do something else.
The caller got in a plug for NJComedyRocks.com where you can get tickets for Artie's show in Hoboken in May. Howard hung up on him after that.
The caller was the guy who sent the movie to Howard. Howard asked him how he sent it. Robin asked if it was Pony Express or something.
Howard said that he doesn't really go to screenings anymore so even though FOX offered that to him, he may not go. He said he may end up watching the copy that this guy sent to him. The caller said that in his copy you can still see some of the ropes in the action scenes. Howard said that if it's out already then it's going to kill the movie. Howard said that it's going to cut into the bottom line of the movie if that many people have it already.
Howard said that he doesn't agree with the bootleg stuff and it's just not right to put that stuff out. He said it's the same with the music that people spread around for free. Howard told the guy to send him all of his stuff so he can destroy them.
The caller said that he had some copies of a lot of movies like ''Yes Man'' and a bunch of other movies that aren't out yet. The caller said that he's going to destroy his copies of Wolverine so that people will go out and see it in the theater.
The caller told Howard that he can destroy the copy he gets if he doesn't want to watch it. He claims that he's not the one distributing the movie though. Howard said this is no different than Bernie Madoff stealing people's money.
The caller said a couple of his buddies were taken down by the cops. He said that they were raided and they were arrested for what they were selling.
Howard thanked the guy, George, for calling in. Howard asked where the FBI can get a hold of him. George said he would help them out any way he can.
Robin said she was busy playing with her new Blackberry Bold. She went out and got one after Howard suggested it on the show yesterday. Howard said he thought it was a great phone so he suggested it to her. Robin said that she wasn't able to put the thing down after she picked it up. Robin said that she was busy setting the phone up all day.
Howard said he had some clips from the Underdog Lady show to play. Artie had heard it and he remembered hearing some of this guy's questions. The caller told Howard some of the stuff that he asked her and he had a few different things that he brought up. Artie said that she got intense with every answer she gave.
JD came in and told Howard where the audio clips were. Howard played the first clip where this caller asked her a question about Howard. Underdog talked about how she wasn't treated very fairly by Howard. The caller told her that he was treated poorly in high school so maybe that's why he does the bullying that she thinks he does. Underdog Lady said that there is no connection to the way Howard was treated to the way he acts on the air now.
The caller was getting Underdog all riled up about Howard by asking her question after question about him. Howard said that this guy is good with his questions.
Howard asked what happened with all of the food that they got for Underdog Lady. Artie said he imagined her surrounded by food because the amount she asked for was almost like a joke.
Tim Sabean came in and said that she asked for a lot of food and drinks for the studio. She had to have soda, Hawaiian Punch, cupcakes and a bunch of other stuff. Tim said that Underdog was very upset that they had her in the green room there with Howard Stern signs all over the place. She was disgusted with that.
Tim said Underdog asked for a steak sandwich that was cut in half and wrapped separately so she could eat some there and some on the way home.
Tim said that Underdog had an odor about her that was pretty bad too. He said that she smelled bad before she ate the steak.
Tim was also saying that Underdog has put a lot of thought into the way she does everything. She came in and did her thing and then left maybe 10-15 minutes after the show. Tim said that she's very deliberate in the way she eats too and she made sure to chew every bite.
Tim said that there were some people asking her if she was catholic and she would avoid the questions totally. Tim said she has a beautiful voice and she sang a song at the end of the show and it was magnificent.
Howard played another clip from her show where she was giving her monologue and talking about how people mistreat other people. She said that in school they may do name calling, prank pulling, provoking fights and a bunch of other stuff. Howard said that as a broadcaster she's actually pretty good. He said she doesn't fumfer around at all.
Howard said that Underdog is a very sweet person from what he's seen. Tim said that she sits in the green room doing needlepoint. Robin wondered what she has written on the stuff she's needlepointing.
Howard played a clip of Underdog Lady singing the song at the end of her show. She was talking about the song she was going to sing called ''Were You There.'' Howard wondered if there were a lot of people listening to the show. Tim said that they were probably all ready to jump off buildings.
Underdog Lady had some church organ music to back her up when she sang. She started the song but then asked them to rewind it. She had to catch up when they didn't ''rewind'' it. Tim told the guys to hold on to the glass. Howard said he liked it. Fred played some dog barking sounds as she was singing. Robin said her voice wasn't bad. Artie said it was very church like.
Howard and the guys were goofing on her singing a little bit. Tim said he almost went back to eating meat after that. Howard said that there may have been more people in the studio listening than there were listing on the radio.
Howard played more of Underdog's singing and Fred had more dog barking clips he threw in. Robin said she loves that song and she was living every second of it.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she called Underdog and got her talking about the bullying thing. She said she couldn't joke on her because she felt so bad for her. She didn't want to bring up Howard's name in that show. Mariann thought she was awesome last night.
Howard played more of the song and Robin said that based on that song alone she should be given another show. Robin said they should have a music special where she sings and has guests come in to sing with her. Howard said they could have special guests like Chris Cornell and Eddie Vedder sing along with her.
Tim said that he was there with Underdog last night and she was asking him to go out to some event she was going to be at. She wanted to make him a costume and everything. Howard said ''Oh! We're doing this!''
Gary said that Jim McClure was telling him that she almost shrieked when he gave her the Easter Basket. Howard said that Jim should call in with that information. Gary said he'd let Jim know.
Tim said that Underdog was going to be a princess and she wanted him to be her prince. Howard told him to call her today and say he's going to do it. Tim said he's not going to do it. He said that he just can't do it. Howard said he has to see the costume at least. He said they can make a whole Howard TV special about it. Tim said he can't do it.
Howard said that they all make sacrifices there. He said he has to go through a lot of shit for Scott Greenstein. Tim said that he will look into it.
Howard said that he will go to Mel Karmazin and tell him he's not willing to do it, just like Scott did to him. Tim said that's not what happened. Howard said that's exactly what happened.
Robin sang a song about Tim as Underdog Lady. Howard asked Tim to ask Underdog if she'd be willing to do a show where she sings and has guests on the show with her. Tim said that may cost an extra milk shake for her. Howard said that's fine.
Tim said that they have her comfortable coming up there now and she trusts them. Tim said that the parade that she's going to be in isn't coming up this weekend but he will check into that to see what he has to do. Howard said that he's doing it and there is no thinking about it. Tim said he had to get back to work and thanked them for ruining his life.
Jim McClure said that the discussion that Tim and Suzanne had off the air was the most uncomfortable thing he's seen. He said that she was asking Tim to be measured for the costume and she insisted that his wife be there while he's being measured so it wouldn't be inappropriate.
Jim was also saying that she was refusing to be taped for Howard TV so they won't be seeing any of that. Jim was also saying that he gave her the Easter basket and she was all excited about it and jumping up and down like a kid. He said she looked like a 5 year old with the smile on her face. Howard said it must have been like trick or treat for her.
Jim said that he also had to give her a milk shake for the ride home and she can't even make it all the way home without stopping for more to eat.
Jim said that they had to get her a bunch of food and drinks when she got there. He said that during the show all she wanted was lemonade. She thought that would help her voice. Jim said that she wouldn't drink water at all. Jim said that it all had to be a flavored drink.
Jim said that she was working on an outfit in the green room. She wasn't doing needlepoint, she was working on that costume. That's not the same parade that she wants Tim for. Howard told Jim to let her know that Tim is in for the next parade. Jim said that he'd do that.
Howard let Jim go and asked if someone was using descitin in the studio. Artie said that he was putting Neosporin on his dry skin. Howard said that's the worst stuff to put on that. Artie showed the guys what he had on his hands and they were all greased up. Howard said he could smell the A&D ointment he had put on too. Howard told Artie to go to a dermatologist and they'll give him some good stuff.
Howard played the end of the Underdog Lady show from last night. She said goodbye to everyone and wished everyone a Happy Easter. She ended it but then came back and suggested how to draw stained glass windows. She was suggesting that to kids like there were going to be kids listening to Howard 101. She called it ''Stern 100'' instead of Howard 101.
Artie wondered when that chick shits because she was talking about going to choir practice after the show. Howard said he had another clip to play after that. He had already played the first one he played. Then he played some more where callers were asking her about the way she's being persecuted by the followers of a rich Jew. Underdog Lady went into a whole thing about the way people call out to her at the parades. She said that some people just yell out ''Underdog'' even when she's not dressed as Underdog. She said she gets most upset when people bring up the name ''Howard Stern.'' She said that those people make her lose face with the people in charge of the parade.
Underdog said that she is in the same position as Jesus was in with the people provoking her for no reason. Robin said that Underdog gets into it with people when they yell at her. She said that it's much different than Jesus.
Howard played a clip where Pedro called in and gave Underdog a prayer to say. He gave it to her in Spanish. She knew Spanish and gave him a ''mucho gracias.'' She said that she knew the Hail Mary from school and that call brought back a memory. She said that he will say her hail Mary's in Latin at times too.
Howard said that one guy asked for them to play the song she sang. That writer said that they had their speakers turned all the way up and broke every window in the house.
Howard said that he was proud of someone who had written in about his version of ''Hurdy Gurdy Man'' that he played yesterday. He said that they were saying that it was better than the Butthole Surfers version.
Howard said his dad got some praise too. He read some feedback he got about his call to the show. There were some people who suggested they talk to him weekly. Howard said he pictures his dad sitting around and watching endless TV. He said he doesn't get out much other than to the track once in a while.
Howard said his dad is kind of like Underdog in a weird way. He has a lot of opinions on stuff that no one cares about. They talked about some of the stuff they were talking about in that call yesterday. They were talking about the game show discussions they had. Howard was doing his impression of his father and goofing on the way he was talking about those game shows.
Howard said he didn't know just how much TV his father actually watched. He said he won't get a TiVo but he has 3 VCRs taping all the time. Howard said that he's constantly taping. Howard said he's not sure how much more time he's got and he's not sure if he wants to learn how to use something new.
Howard said he remodeled their whole house and he can't get near the TV sets. Howard said that his sister was complaining that they had an ''old person's house'' so he had to step in and fix it up for them.
Howard said that he wanted to have his parents stay at his house while they remodeled but they insisted on staying there. That's what they did. They stayed there while the remodeling was going on. They don't like leaving their house and they have a lot of fears of the world.
Howard said that his father brags about how he only moved once. He said that's great, they stayed in Roosevelt way too long. They're still in the house they moved into after they left Roosevelt. Howard said it's a nice house.
Howard said he'd like to put his parents in a new house out on Long Island but they don't want to do that. Howard said that they don't want to move into a condo because the house is set up just the way they want it. He said that they're happy there and he's happy that they're doing fine out there.
Howard said that his parents would love an answering machine or a TiVo. He said that they just don't want that stuff. He said his mother thinks that an answering machine would take up too much room. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked Tim about being a program director and how he used to pick the songs and stuff. Howard asked Robin if Tim is allowed to chew gum or anything. Robin said he's not supposed to. Tim said that he had bad breath and wanted to get rid of it. Robin told him to rinse and brush his teeth.
Howard asked why he can't chew gum. Robin said that it's not part of the diet which is a ''no chewing'' diet. Howard asked Robin why she didn't know that he was doing that. Robin said that he's not on the program right now.
Tim said that he did a colonic over the weekend. Tim said that he's doing another 21 day detox so he can lose some more weight. Robin said that's what she did too.
Robin said that the chewing starts the digestive system and that's why you don't do that during the detox. You're supposed to be giving the system a rest.
Tim said that he's losing weight just running back and forth to the bathroom. Howard told him that he might want to keep up that enemaing. Tim said that he's going to have to stop the chewing and stuff. They were all goofing on Tim about the whole diet thing.
Howard said that there were some days that Tim was really out of it on this diet. Robin said that there was one night she went out to dinner with Tim to have some tea and Tim wrote back saying that she should get wild and put some lemon in it.
Howard told Tim to keep losing the weight. Artie told him that he's stronger than him. He could never do that diet that he's on. Howard said that Artie could do it and if he did it would be amazing.
Howard asked Lisa if she spoke to Ross about dating Mike Portnoy. Lisa said that Ross gave Shuli a ''no comment.'' Howard told Lisa she should talk to him herself. Artie said he knows hat the deal is and Mike probably doesn't think that she's any fun. Howard said that Mike doesn't even know her.
Howard ended up talking about how he hasn't been playing chess at all lately. He said that the chess makes him feel like a moron when he loses. He said that the little fuckers he plays against all seem to know what to do and they tell him stuff that he doesn't see happening in the games. He said that they're a bunch of motherfuckers.
Howard said that it's over for him right now. He said that he's 55 years old and he's not going to be Bobby Fisher at this point. He said that he can master the Blackberry though. Howard said he has to show Robin how to do some stuff. He was telling her about how he was downloading video clips from his computer yesterday. He said that he has 8 gigs on his phone to store stuff.
Howard said that this guy made a video of his break down that he had during a commercial read one time. Howard had that on his phone so he played it through the phone. It was actually an animated video.
Robin said that Ralph was trying to talk her into the iPhone but she told him that Howard had talked her into the Bold and that's what she was going with. Howard said that the iPhone is good but the Bold worked better for him. Robin said she liked the apps on the iPhone too but she wanted the real keyboard.
Howard said that he was talking to Ralph about the pictures he saw of himself at the concert on Saturday. He was afraid to say anything to him about him not doing a good job for that night. Howard thinks that Ralph picked out the wrong outfit for him but he's afraid to say anything.
Lisa G said that Scott DePace was saying that the sales of his Video Caddy are down and he's blaming President Obama for depressing the country so much that people aren't buying that stuff now. She also said that she has an update about Stuttering John. He still isn't sure if he's going with Jay to the new show. Howard said that they have to have him on that show, he can't imagine them not bringing him along.
Howard said that Jay should have spoken to John about that already. He said that Jay is a fuck and he's probably told other people if they're going along with him to the new show. He said that Kevin Eubanks probably knows, the writers probably know. John isn't being treated with respect.
Howard asked Lisa what else she's got. Lisa said that John was talking about meeting Billy Crystal on the show back stage one day. John ended up apologizing to Crystal in the green room.
After talking about the Billy Crystal interview with John, Howard said he wanted to hear it. Fred tried to find it in the system so they could play it. Howard said he likes Billy, it's Billy who doesn't like him after those interviews. Howard asked how he keeps that hair on the front of his head. He wondered if he has plugs or something.
Fred found a clip of John interviewing Billy one time but it wasn't the clip they were looking for. In the interview Stuttering John was asking Billy what he thought of Howard Stern. Howard cut it off saying that wasn't the one he wanted to hear. Artie said that sounded like a young John there.
Howard said that John can stay out in L.A. and ask questions out there if he wants to do that for the show. Artie said that Gary Garver is probably saying ''Hey! What the fuck?'' right now. Howard said they can have more than one guy doing that stuff out there.
Howard said that someone wrote to him saying that they were a fan of Lisa's until they started playing the ''Lisa G takes shits at work'' song parody. That turned him off.
Howard told Richard that he has to take the load on his back before they book Seth for the show. Gary said they were going to hold it off until the morning of the interview. Richard said he doesn't want to do it if Seth doesn't show up.
Gary said that Sal isn't up for doing this either. He's out in the hall saying he never said he would do it. Howard asked Sal what was going on. Sal said that he lost a poll they had on the web site. He said that he didn't say that he was going to do it. Sal said he would do it but he doesn't have the ability to whack off with a man bent over in front of him.
Howard told Sal he can do it. Richard said he suggested that he wear those MyVu glasses and watch some porn while he's doing it. Howard said that Sal has to do this and it's bigger than even the Paul McCartney interview.
Sal said that he isn't saying no but he has a problem with this. Howard told Sal that he can wear those glasses that Richard suggested. He can watch some Dr. Piss clips instead of jerking off to Richard's ass.
Howard said that Sal can put on those glasses, watch the video and blow the load on Richard's back. Sal was laughing when he heard the description. Sal asked why he's involved in this asshole's life. He didn't know how he got suckered into doing this stuff.
Artie said that people think that Sal wants to do this. Fred played some piss video clips for Sal. Sal was laughing when he heard them.
Howard told Sal that he'll get someone else to do this. Richard had a problem with that. He said that he wants Sal to be the guy or he might be out. Howard said that maybe they'll just forget about the Seth McFarlane interview then.
Gary said he has an issue with Sal. He said Sal is the one who is always saying that they should contribute to the show and he's not performing. Gary said they should take away his plugs if he doesn't do it. Sal said that's not fair. Howard agreed with him on that. They don't have to do that to him.
Howard played some Dr. Piss video clips for Sal to get him excited to do this thing. Gary said that Sal really isn't a team player. Sal said he is on the team. He said that he's done things in the past. Gary said he hasn't done anything in about a year so he's not part of the team.
Gary said that he's going to put on the Techno Beaver outfit so he's a team player. Sal said that he will think about this but he's not sure if he's going to do it. Gary kept saying that he's not a team player.
Howard said that Seth McFarlane's fate is in Sal's hands. Sal said he doesn't give a shit about that guy, it's all about Richard. Howard let them go after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who was pleading with Sal not to do this. He said he's on the borderline of getting kicked out of the club (Italian) as it is. Another caller said he agrees with him on that. He said that Sal shouldn't go through with it. He thinks that Gary as the Techno Beaver is a better idea.
Another caller said that only 46 percent of the audience wants him to do it. Howard said that the poll wasn't about if he should do it, it was about who they want to do it. They said that they still want the load on the back, they just don't want Sal to do it. Howard said that everyone is backing out all of a sudden.
Howard said that he wants to talk about the legalization of pot. He said that he'd like to know if Specter has done weed. He thinks that he has done it.
Howard said that he wants to talk to Specter about Elliot Spitzer too. That led to the guys talking about what Spitzer is up to now. They spent some time talking about the whole Spitzer prostitute thing. Howard said that they had to get into all of that with Senator Specter but they had to take a break before he came in.
Howard said that he was reading a blog about that call and a guy was saying that some women are so lame around a car. He said he had another call to OnStar. He played that and there was a woman saying that she was stuck in her car and her keys were on the outside of the car. She was freaking out and didn't know how to get the keys. The OnStar guy told her to grab the handle and tug it open. She didn't know that she could do that. Then the door open alarm was on and had no clue that it was on because her keys were in the ignition.
Howard said he had a new song parody about Robin that was to the tune of ''Hurdy Gurdy Man.'' The guy sang about Robin's news and pulling out his dick and spooging all over her chest. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said that it was an honor to have Arlen there. He asked him if he has to wear that American Flag pin all the time now. Arlen said he has been wearing it since 9/11 since they are at war right now. He said he could wear a senate button but he regards that American Flag higher than that.
Howard asked Arlen how his health is now. Arlen said he's had a couple of bouts with Hodgkin's lately and he had to go through more chemotherapy. He said that he went to work every day instead of sitting home feeling sorry for himself.
Arlen said that it was tough to go to work when he went bald but it got him some notice. He said some people wanted him to shave his head and become a sex symbol. Howard asked if it bothers him that people are more caught up in his hair style than with his political views. Arlen said that there are a lot of people out there who have Hodgkin's so they notice that stuff.
Robin said that she would be consumed with the cancer thing if she was being treated. She didn't think that she could work while being on Chemo. Arlen said that he has to go to work and keep people in line. He said it's a great distraction for him.
Howard asked Arlen if he's going to run for another term. Arlen said that he is going to do that. Howard told him that maybe he should take some time off. Arlen said he was taking time off, that's what he's doing on the show today. This is his vacation.
Arlen told Howard that he's been in the Senate for 30 years now and he's seen many things in that time. He told Howard about some of the things he has seen and who he has met over the years. Howard said that he's also met him. Robin said his list is amazing.
Howard said that he likes to see that Arlen isn't afraid to change his views on things. Arlen told Howard that he doesn't vote for a person just because of the party he's in. He said that he will vote for someone who he thinks can help the country.
Howard asked Arlen if he likes Rush Limbaugh. Arlen said that he does like him and he thinks that he's just expressing his opinion when he's talking. Howard said that the guy wants Obama to fail though. He said that's not right.
Robin asked if Rush is the leader of the Republican party. Arlen said that he thinks that it would be Senator McCain.
Howard asked if Bush should be tried for war crimes. He said that the guy knew that there were no weapons of mass destruction over in Iraq. Arlen said that he was a person they thought would have intelligence to get the facts. He doesn't think that they were given erroneous information on purpose though. Arlen said that they could blame the analysts that were wrong. He said we wouldn't have gone into Iraq if they knew there were no weapons of mass destruction there.
Howard said he thinks that Bush just had it in for Saddam Hussein since his father was in office and that's why they went in there.
Howard asked Arlen if he's into water boarding. Arlen said he has voted against that and he doesn't believe in it. He doesn't sanction torture at all. Howard asked if he thinks he will go down in history as a bad president. Arlen said it might be too soon to tell. He said that they'll have to look back on it in the future and figure it out. Arlen said that if Iraq becomes a democracy, and it works out over there, then Bush will go down as being a great President.
Arlen told Howard and Robin some stories about Bush and how he thought he was doing a good job. Howard said that he never thought he was working very hard. He said that Bush was on vacation far too often. Howard said they have to get rid of Camp David. Arlen didn't believe that was the right thing to do. He said that the red telephone followed him around everywhere he went so he was always at work. Arlen said that Bush went grey while he was in office those 8 years. He said that it's a tough job to do.
Howard asked Arlen if it's cool to be a Senator because he's heard that they have good food to eat and he must know stuff that they don't know. Arlen said that they know stuff but it'll be in the Washington Post by tomorrow morning. There aren't many things that they know that won't get into the news. He said that the President does know a lot of stuff that the public doesn't know. He said that even in the CIA there are people who don't know some of the stuff that's being kept from them.
Arlen said that he knows some secrets but he can't tell Howard anything. Howard said that he had Carly Simon tell him who ''You're So Vain'' was about so he should be able to share some secrets. Artie told Arlen that Howard will just forget what he tells him anyway. that's what happened with Carly Simon.
Howard asked Arlen what he thinks about gay marriage. Arlen said that he thinks that a marriage should be kept between a man and a woman. Robin said that there are situations where gay people are in the hospital and their partner can't visit because they're not married. Arlen said they could have laws that give gay couples all of the rights of married couples. He said they could get into the hospital and things like that. That would be a state matter though.
Howard asked Arlen how his investigation of the New England Patriots was going. Arlen said that he's still working on that. He said that they're looking into possible cheating. He said that they may have put a stop to that stuff.
Howard asked Arlen what he thinks about legalizing pot. Howard said he doesn't smoke the stuff because it makes him paranoid. Arlen said that he has never tried it himself. He said that he drinks but that's about it. Arlen said he went to Nepal one time and pot was legal there and he even turned it down there. He said he didn't want to submit his body to temptations that he may not be able to control.
Howard asked Arlen if he's still got a sex life. Arlen said that he and his wife still have a spicy marriage. He said he thinks that Obama probably has one as well.
Howard asked Arlen if he ever hears stories about other Senators cheating on their wives and stuff like that. Arlen said that he didn't know about anything like that.
Howard asked Arlen about his support of giving the auto companies loans. Arlen said he's about at the end of his tether on that. He said that he was for it but now he's thinking that it's not working. He said that he voted against the release of an additional 350 billion. Arlen said that he thinks that this might be the end and they're going to end up in bankruptcy.
Howard asked Arlen about Ted Kennedy. Arlen was saying that he sent him a copy of his book ''Never Give In: Battling Cancer in the Senate'' and told him about the things that they've supported each other on over the years and things like that.
Howard asked Arlen what he's doing in New York. Arlen said he's there to raise money and he has to raise $30 million. He said that he's looking for people to help him out with his campaign. You can find out how to do that at Specter2010.com. He said he has to get 50,000 people to contribute and they can't contribute more than $4,800 each. Arlen explained all of that and said that there are some people who don't write checks that small so it's tough.
Howard asked Arlen about what it's like to go out and beg for money. Arlen said he doesn't like doing it but it's necessary. He said that he'd like to change the way that works and possibly have a big fund of money that they would split between the candidates running instead. Howard asked what he needs to help him get the message out there. Arlen said that he needs a few million dollars. He said that they could level the playing field if they had even amounts of money when they run against each other.
Arlen said that he has about $7 million in the bank but they're going for 30 so they have a way to go yet. Howard said that he's going to send a check and help get him reelected. Howard said that his audience basically votes in a block so they'll all help him out.
Howard asked Arlen what kind of phone he has. Arlen said he has Verizon. Howard told him to try out the Blackberry Bold. Howard asked him if he does the Facebook and Twitter thing. Arlen said that he does a little bit of that stuff. Arlen said that it's part of America so he does that kind of stuff.
Howard said he meant to tell him that he thinks the flat tax thing is great. He asked why it's so difficult to get that done. Arlen said that it's not an easy thing to get done. He said that it's hard to get passed because it's so different. Howard said it would make people's lives much easier. Arlen said they could do away with a lot of the IRS if they passed it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he doesn't agree with anything that Arlen represents. He said that they are in a dark, deep hole that they can't get out of because of the Republicans. Howard cut the guy off and said he doesn't agree with what this guy is saying. Howard said that Arlen is good at what he does and they don't need to get rid of him. Arlen said that you can't make that kind of generalization about the Republican party and the caller was wrong about that.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he thinks that Arlen has helped people out in Pennsylvania and wondered about some contract that he was waiting for. They spent a minute going over that.
Howard asked Arlen if he thought that McCain picking Palin was as bad as people made it out to be. Arlen said that the final decision on her was McCain's but he didn't just pick her out of nowhere. He said that she was probably recommended by someone else. Arlen said that he made a decision to help jump start his campaign and that's who he picked. He said she didn't shine in that light but it was just a miscalculation on McCain's side.
Howard gave Arlen some more plugs for his web site and started to wrap up with him. He said that he heard that Tim was out in the hall talking to Arlen's wife about his detox diet. Howard said that he'd like to know where Arlen stands on colonics and enemas. Arlen said that he wouldn't be standing on either of those things.
Howard told Arlen about Robin being into these colonics and stuff and said that it's unbelievable. He said that Arlen's wife might end up on that diet if Tim has a hold of her. Howard thanked Senator Specter for coming in and wrapped up the interview a short time later.
Howard came back and said that he had some people writing to him telling him that he doesn't know the lyrics to any song he sings. He didn't know the songs to ''Shooting Star'' very well. That led to the guys talking about how Artie can remember every line to any song or movie he's seen. Artie said that he does know all of the lines from some movies but it fills his head with nonsense sometimes.
Artie ended up reciting a scene from ''Blazing Saddles'' because he had just seen it over the weekend. Artie told the guys what scene it was and set that up before reciting the scene almost word for word. Artie warned them that it might have some N-words in there. Howard told the audience to tune out if they didn't want to hear that.
Howard told Artie that was fantastic. He asked how many times he's seen that scene. Artie said he's probably seen it like 50 times. Howard said he could watch it 50 times and never know all the lines like he does.
The guys talked about the Facebook stuff and Robin said that people really thought it was her. Howard said he's not on there either. Robin said she's still not on there either.
Steve said that they have a story about a guy trying to sell a Twitter profile with Howard's name attached to it. Howard said that he might start doing that Twitter thing. He said it might be kind of cool to do that during the show when they do some stuff.
Howard asked Gary when he's going to do his Techno Beaver thing. Gary said he hasn't heard back from the CW 11 people yet.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said that Dolly Parton was on 60 Minutes this weekend and she was looking pretty good for her age. Howard said that he wouldn't bang many 63 year old women. He said that he might do her. Robin told him that he hasn't seen her yet, and she's kind of scary looking.
Jeff asked Howard what was up with baseball. Howard didn't know why he was changing the subject like that. Jeff said that one of the selling points for the merger was getting Baseball. Howard said that no one there cares about that shit, all they care about is his show and their channels. Jeff said he cares. Robin told him to go pursue it on his own then.
Howard said that Jeff is just angling for a free XM package. Howard said that it's not available to Jeff, only other people. Jeff said that since ''we'' merged, he figured he'd get it. Howard told him to go call them and find out how to get it himself.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran through the list of things they were going to be covering today. That led to them talking about Tim talking to Arlen Specter's wife about the detox diet. Robin said she has to stop Tim from doing that kind of stuff. That led to Howard saying that the doctor who helped David Letterman out with his heart thing was on a show talking about how these detox diets are ridiculous. Howard played the clip he had and the doctor was saying the diets are laughable. Robin said that this diet helped her and she feels so much better now. She said that the doctor is laughable. Robin said that people don't come out of the doctor's office looking better than they did before going in.
Jon also mentioned the Imus commercial so that led to Howard talking about another commercial that Imus has. They talked about that one and made fun of Imus for a few more minutes. Howard said that it brings back horrible memories for him because he had to work with that guy. Howard said that it was awful working with him on the commercial they made back then.
Artie said that they don't do that commercial with any irony or anything. He said that it's not like they pitched the idea and Imus was going to turn it down.
Howard played the other commercial for Imus and it was even worse than the one they played earlier. Howard said that Imus branded a guy in that commercial. Artie said he wants to see that one now. Howard said you can find it on the web. Howard said that if he owned The Onion, he'd sue Imus for using their paper in the commercial.
Howard goofed on Imus and did his impression a bit. They had pulled the clip of Imus saying ''You're stupid'' from the first commercial so Fred kept playing that.
Howard talked about a lot of the same stuff they talked about earlier. He was also wondering if Imus still has those two black people on his show that they hired when he moved to WABC. He said that he bets that they're gone.
Fred kept playing the ''You're Stupid'' clip and Howard goofed on Imus even more. Howard said he knows that everyone around that guy is kissing his ass. He said he was around that back when he was at WNBC. He saw them kissing the guy's ass for no reason.
Jon finished up his Wrap Up Show preview and mentioned a few more things they had coming up today. They ended up talking about the Blackberry phones again. Artie was trying to figure out how to text Howard on his Blackberry. Howard told Artie he'd help set him up so he can text him whenever he wants. Robin said that she wants to be texted too.
Howard said that he found new ways to look Artie up in his phone to figure out how to text him. Artie said he just got a new phone number. Howard told Artie to send him a new e-mail from his phone. Jon told him that wouldn't work. Howard told Artie to sit down and listen to him and they'll figure out how to get this to work.
Artie didn't know how to e-mail so Jon said that he would get Howard his pin. Howard had Jon do it for him. Fred threw in the ''You're stupid'' clip for Artie. Artie said ''Exactly!'' when Fred played that.
Howard asked Jon what was taking so long. Jon was taking too long so Howard figured he was no expert. Howard told Artie that once they get this set he'll be able to message each other no problem. Howard said that this is like Instant Message but cooler.
Howard said that he's been texting with Rick Rubin and he found out that he won't even answer the phone, he only texts. Howard said Rick thinks that's the only way it should be and he won't talk to anyone. Robin thought that was a little crazy.
Howard tried setting up Artie's phone but things weren't working out the way he thought they were going to. Artie got the message and nothing was happening. Artie said he accepted it so Howard said that they could now talk to each other. Artie said that this was so exciting.
Howard wrote Artie a message and pointed out how nicely things are formatted. Artie wrote him back and Howard could see that he was writing him a message. Artie wrote back ''what's up'' to Howard's ''hi.'' They were fascinated by that.
Jon told Artie that you don't even have to open up the conversation, you can see what's being said in the inbox of your mail. Howard said he's going to teach Robin how to do all of this too.
Howard sent Artie another message saying ''What are you up to now?'' and waited for Artie to write him back. He said they should do a whole show of texting one day. Artie wrote back ''yes I'm stupid.'' Artie said that he did like this way of texting better than the text message thing.
Artie had texted Howard again because he was afraid to say anything on the air. it turned out he didn't like it when Robin's hair was falling into her face. Howard said that he can't be texting him this stuff during the show. Robin figured she was missing out on some stuff so Howard had Jon go over and hook her up with Artie's pin number. Howard saw that she had a case for her phone and made fun of her about that.
Howard set up Robin with his pin so she could message him. Artie. Howard said he was going blind trying to see the numbers. Howard said that everyone was with the numbers. Howard said he hates that case that Robin had for her phone too.
Howard said that Jon Hein pretends that he knows everything about the phone but he really doesn't. Howard said Jon just learned the space bar trick. Howard said that Robin needs a new name for herself. Artie suggested ''News Beaver.'' Howard said she should be Lady Majora or Enema Girl. Artie liked that one. Artie also suggested Coffee Ass.
Howard said that Robin is in his phone now. He said he'll have to rename her himself. Robin said she might have to be ''Elliot Spitzer's Whore.'' That was her segue into a story about Elliot Spitzer being interviewed by Matt Lauer. She read through that story and had some audio clips from the interview as well. The guys talked about that interview and said that Spitzer should have just come out and said that he was a horny guy instead of trying to explain why he did what he did.
Howard said that they should have a game show where they have a guy enter a woman and he has to try and guess how old she is. Howard said he thinks that he could tell. Artie said that next year they'll probably have Jeff Foxworthy hosting ''How Old's That Pussy'' on FOX.
Robin read some news about America's Next Top Model holding some more auditions. Robin also had a story about the Ringling Brothers clown auditions as well. Robin said that maybe Yucko should go over there and try out. It turns out they were already held though so it's too late for Yucko. Robin had some audio of some of the people who tried out. Howard said he was too busy messaging Artie to play the clip. Howard said they have a show within a show going on. Artie said that he's like the bad kid in class and he's going to be a bad influence on Howard.
Howard had to ask Artie to stop texting him because it was too distracting. Robin read some more news about a 14 year old kid who drank until he was unconscious at a party. Howard said his daughter knows some of those kids involved in that story. Howard said he heard that the parents didn't know about the party and it may have been the Nanny who was letting the kids drink. Robin said that the kid is going to be okay. The Nanny was arrested.
Howard said that Fred went into a coma at his bachelor party. He said that they actually moved him out of one room into another when he passed out at Scores. Howard said he was busy getting lap dances to pay attention to what Fred was up to.
Howard said he found Fred in a corner with a gay man on his lap. Artie said that show replay was a great story and one of the greatest of all time. Howard said he thought Fred was going to die that day. He fell down 5 steps and right onto his face. Fred said he must be the luckiest man on earth because poor Natasha Richardson fell down and ended up dying.
Gary said that Fred was so out of it that they didn't know if there was any paralysis. He said they were poking him at the hospital and Fred wasn't responding to anything. They did all kinds of stitching up and a spinal tap without any anesthesia.
Howard asked Fred what he drank that day. Fred said he had no idea. He said the only thing he remembers is Dan Foreman coming up to him and asking him if he wanted a shot. That's the last he remembers.
Gary said that Gay Rich was also up there recently talking about that night because he was at the bachelor party. Howard said that Fred was almost making out with Gay Rich that night at the bar. He said he thought Fred had gone gay that night.
Robin got back to her news and read some news about the security officers who shot at paparazzi at the Giselle Bundchen and Tom Brady wedding.
Robin had a story about Courtney Love wondering where all of Curt Cobain's money has gone. She's only been able to track down $30 million and there is more than that and a lot more money to be had. Robin said that they're saying that the real estate could add to be over $500 million.
Robin read a story about Farrah Fawcett's latest visit to the hospital for her anal cancer. The cancer has come back and spread to her liver. She's doing okay and is expected to go home soon.
Robin read a story about a study that shows 1 in 5 four year olds are obese. Robin said that Native Americans have even more obese kids than other races.
Robin read about President Obama's visit to the G20 Summit and had some audio of him talking during a town hall meeting. Howard said it sounded like no one was listening to him in that clip. Artie said it's like doing a corporate gig because those guys don't listen to you either. Howard said that if he were President he'd probably just want to go to Camp David and get away from those people.
Robin read some news about the gunman up in Binghamton, New York. He sent a rambling letter to someone and said that the cops were after him and following him around. Howard said that they got stuck with a real winner there.
Robin read some news about gay marriage out in Iowa. They found that the younger people don't have a problem with it. They're going to start issuing same sex marriage licenses out in Iowa soon. Howard said he doesn't get why people are so against it.
Robin read a story about an earthquake that hit Italy yesterday. Robin also had some news about Cardinal Egan going in for a pace maker. Howard said that guy is his guy, he's on SIRIUS. Robin had some audio of Mayor Bloomberg talking about how he hopes he gets better soon. Howard said he should go visit the guy. He figures that he'd think he was death showing up at his hospital room.
Robin read some news about Chris Brown going to court yesterday for a hearing. He plead not guilty in the Rihanna beating case.
Robin read some news about the chicken stores that have named themselves ''Obama Fried Chicken'' and that led to some protesters showing up to stand in front of the places. Robin had some audio of some people talking about how stupid it was to change the name like that. She also had audio of someone explaining that it wasn't meant to offend anyone and it was really just a way to honor President Obama.
Robin brought up basketball so they asked Artie if he won or lost in the end. Artie said that he was up by 10 grand. He said that he actually slept through the end of the game last night and missed it. Artie said that things are getting more conservative lately.
Fred said he was up watching the game last night. He and Artie spent a couple of minutes talking about that stuff before Howard had Robin get back to her news. Robin had some audio of some of the basketball players talking about their game.
Robin had some news about the new Seth Rogen movie that's coming out called ''Observe and Report.'' Howard said that this guy really works hard and he's got a new movie coming out every week. They had some audio of one of the people in the movie talking about where the inspiration came from. Howard had to cut that short because he was getting bored with it.
Robin read some news about Zach Efron's new movie. She had one of the stars of the movie talking about working with him.
Robin said that American Idol is back on tonight. They spent a short time talking about that. Robin had some audio of Megan Joy talking about why she thinks that they dropped her and didn't bother trying to save her. She admitted she might be stupid for treating the show the way she did. Howard said that people didn't hate her. People just had an opinion on the show like they were supposed to.
Robin said that Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson have broken up. Robin said that she thought that people were going to be upset about that. Ronson apparently had the locks changed at her home. Howard had to end the show after that, right around 10:50am.
Jon wanted to start off talking about Senator Arlen Specter. Will said he's into politics so he was looking forward to hearing what Senator Specter had to say about the stimulus bill and things like that but he's not sure if the audience cared. Will said that he thought Specter was good on the show today though.
Jon asked Gary how he thought Arlen was looking after his battles with cancer. Gary said he looked a little thinner than last couple of times he's been there. Will said that the guy is 80 years old and he's going through chemotherapy so he's been through a lot.
Jon asked the guys if they think that his hair is more important than his policy like he was saying today. Will said that there never has been a bald president so Scott DePace is out.
Jon played some audio from the interview and then Scott DePace came in and said that he thought the guy came off very well. He said he likes Specter but he's not sure about some of the votes that he's made. That led to Gary and Scott arguing about some of the stuff that Specter was talking about today.
Scott said that he wants the country to do as well as it can and then Obama gets voted out in 4 years. Gary asked him if he would still want him out if things are going well and it's because of Obama. Scott said he'd have to rethink his position then. Gary said that Scott will never cave in like that.
Gary asked Scott whose fault it is that the country is in the position it's in now. Scott said that he's not going to blame just one person but he thinks that a lot of it can be blamed on Democrats.
Gary wanted to get out of that vortex so Jon asked Scott what he thought about Howard asking Arlen about Bush being brought up on war crimes. Scott thought the whole thing was wrong. He and Will went back and forth on a couple of things including that war crimes discussion. They spent a couple of minutes in that vortex as well.
Jon asked about the conversation about gay marriage. Scott said that's not his issue. Gary asked him why he wasn't just answering the question. Scott said that he was trying to answer when Gary interrupted him.
Scott went on to say that he doesn't care either way about the marriage thing but he kind of leans against it. He said if it happened it wouldn't be that big of a deal to him. Scott said he really doesn't give a shit if it happens. He said it's just a name.
Benjy asked if gays should be allowed to adopt. Scott said that he's not so sure about that. He didn't think that it would be that healthy of a place to be raised in.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they noticed that the first thing that Specter wanted to talk about was the New England Patriots. Gary said that Howard was the one who brought that up. The caller said that he answered that question very quickly though. Will said that they stole a super bowl and they're cheaters. The caller said that he's only on that because they stole that game from his home team.
Gary said that he thinks that Specter may be using his position in that way but it's not wrong to go after them like that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that this senator is a piece of shit. The guy said that there are far more important things than this football thing. The caller was from Boston so Gary said that of course he's right about that whole thing.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Bill Maher brought up this thing on his show about how Republicans and Democrats think that they're on separate teams and they don't work together. He said that this is the problem with the country and it's like they're trying to beat the team into submission for four years.
Gary said that he does agree with that and said that he gets the same way sometimes. He said that it should be about what's best for the country, not what's best for either side.
Scott said that the Democrats treated Bush like shit for 8 years and it had nothing to do with trying to get back at him for anything.
Jon asked what they thought about Specter talking about the choice of Palin. Gary said he thought that he was trying to be politically correct with his answer. That led to Gary and Scott arguing about another subject for a short time. Scott said that he doesn't think that she's as stupid of a person as they do. He was saying that they have nothing to base their opinions on. The guys told Scott he has nothing to base his on either.
The guys also talked about the clip that Howard played of the doctor bad mouthing detox diets. Gary said that doctor is actually his doctor as well as Letterman's doctor. Gary said he thought that Robin's statement about how no one walks out of a doctor's office feeling or looking good. Gary said that was kind of an odd statement. Will said that he felt good after having chemotherapy and getting rid of his cancer.
Tim Sabean came in and said that he wasn't just telling Mrs. Specter about the detox diet, someone told her that he was on the diet and she started asking him questions. He just answered her questions.
Jon asked Tim about his gum chewing and if that's some kind of gateway drug for this detox diet. Tim said he just chews it in the morning to make sure that he doesn't have bad breath.
Benjy asked Tim if he ever craves food and just takes and extra portion of something he eats. Tim said that he really doesn't have those cravings on this diet.
Gary asked Tim if he ever thinks that he'll have a big porter house steak from Del Friscos again. Tim said that he will start to integrate food into his diet eventually because he knows how to control it.
Will asked Tim what he thought about the clip that Howard played of the doctor talking about the Detox diets being nonsense. Tim said he doesn't agree with that. He said that he's been doing very well with the diet.
The guys were all goofing on Tim about the diet and Tim kept talking about how great SIRIUS XM radio is and kept saying that he's just trying to get people to go out and buy another subscription.
Tim was also asked about the parade that he's going to march in with Underdog Lady. Tim said he's going to make that into a huge Stern event and he can't wait. He was getting all excited about that. He had to run off and get back to work after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they're a little harsh on Scott DePace sometimes. He said that they have to back off. He was wondering if they were doing it as a bit or something. Gary said that Scott is very passionate about his beliefs but they know they can back him into a corner. Some of that is shtick.
Gary said that he and Scott fight sometimes but he still has him over to his house. Scott said that he can get along with most of the guys there. He said he thinks that some of the guys lean in his direction in most cases but they don't admit it on the air. They had to take a break a short time later.
After playing the clip Gary said that he got Sal again out in the hall and told him that he was fired if he didn't do the bit. He told Sal that he was just being a good producer. Gary said Sal asked him why he had to be that way.
Gary said that he was just showing Sal that they all have their limits because Sal is always telling people they have to be a team player and he doesn't seem to see that people have limits.
Gary said that Sal has also changed since they got there. He said that if this was in the first two months that they got there, he would have done it without being asked twice. Gary said he thinks that Sal has changed and he's been using the kids as an excuse. He said that the kids shouldn't know anything about the show. Gary said his kids don't know a thing about what happens on the show unless he tells them.
Will said that Sal and Richard have gotten to the point where they're not willing to do any of this stuff and they have nowhere else to go. Jon said he thinks that this will happen and Sal will do it. Some of the guys think that this won't happen because Sal won't do it and Richard won't do it without Sal.
Gary said he thinks that Sal could jerk off on Richard's back. Will said that it has to be tough to do something like that. He doesn't think that it's going to be that easy for him.
Gary said that the fans may say they don't like it but they actually do like it because they like talking about it. Jon said that they did have a poll about the whole thing and Sal found out that the fans do want him to do it.
Jon asked Richard if he's going to back out of this whole thing. Richard said he's not going to back out. He said he heard that Seth McFarlane was already booked to do the show and he was doing this for no reason. Gary said that's not the case and they're not trying to rope him into anything.
Gary said that Sal and Richard are a team and it seemed like Sal was the right person for the job. Richard said that he will do crazy shit but he has to do it with Sal. He said he has that new rule because of what happened with Novak.
Richard said that the only thing left for them to do is to bang each other and that's never going to happen. Richard said he'd rather be water boarded than have Sal jerk off on his back. He said he'd rather be branded than have Sal do that to him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Sal will probably do this thing if Howard throws some money at him. He said that's usually what his motive is.
Sal came in so Jon and Gary asked him if he would do the jerking off thing for money. Sal said that it wouldn't be for $1,000. He said he's not looking to do this at all and he's not even asking for money. Gary said the money thing isn't even an option this time.
Sal said that he doesn't want his kids to find out about this stuff. Gary said that he has a 14 and an 11 year old and no one is going up to them telling them what's happening on the show. Sal shouldn't worry about that either. Gary said that excuse isn't working. Gary said that if there are people going up to his kids telling them that shit then he should do something about it.
Jon said that it seems like Sal has changed lately. Sal said that he's realizing what's important in life and he's changing as a person. Sal said that the things he did in the past were in and out moments and he wasn't ejaculating on someone. He said that all of that stuff is one thing and this jerking off on a guy is where he draws the line. Sal said that he draws the line someplace and that's where it is.
Benjy said that he thinks that Sal would have done this three years ago. He said that he has established himself now and he's not as willing to do stuff as he was when he first got there. Sal said he does have to draw the line and this is the thing he doesn't want to do.
Richard said that he remembers some of the planning they were doing for the show before they go there and they had a bunch of crazy shit they threw out there. They were going to see who could jerk off the furthest and weigh their loads and stuff.
Benjy asked Sal about skull fucking a guy one time. Sal said he was going to do it at the time but he's not sure if he would still be willing to do it. Sal said he thinks that he's doing very well there and he's evolving in the right direction.
Sal said that he had his asshole torn up by a paintball gun not too long ago. He said that's the kind of stuff he's willing to do on the show. Gary said he did that for money. That's the only reason he did that. Gary said that Sal was saying that he should get something when he goes out of his way to do a stunt. Gary said that he should do it because it's part of his job.
Sal said that Richard is being compensated with Seth McFarlane coming in as a guest and that's how he's getting something for having the load dropped on his back. Sal said that he's not getting anything out of it and he's not going to jerk off on a man's back because it's pornography. He said that he doesn't have a strong leg to stand on with this.
Sal said he loves Richard and he's at a crossroad with him and he doesn't know what to do. Jon asked Richard if there's anything that he wouldn't do for Sal. Richard said that if KISS were coming in and he was asked to drop a load on Sal's back, he would probably go through with it. Richard said that he would help out Sal with a lot of things.
Gary said that Will was willing to do some crazy stuff to win a TV one time. Will said that as long as it's not his mouth he wouldn't care that much if some guy blew his load on his arm.
Will asked Sal if he regrets anything that he's done on the show so far. Sal said that he doesn't regret it at all. Will told him that licking someone's sack is just as bad as dropping a load on someone. Sal said he's proud of what he's done so far and he's trying to avoid making things worse by not going through with this.
Gary said that Sal is the first one to want to punish someone if they don't go through with something on the show. Sal said that this is different for him. He's not willing to go through with it and he never said he would. Sal said he's putting his family first and this is where he's drawing the line. He's just not going to go through with it. His wife told him not to go through with it when he asked her about it too.
Jon asked Sal if he's worried about upsetting Howard. Sal said he is. He's also worried about letting Richard down. Sal said his wife told him no as soon as he told her what the stunt was. Sal said that he told her he didn't want to go through with the whole thing and she told him not to. Sal said this has nothing to do with money. It's too heavy for him to drop a load on someone's back.
Ralph called in and said that no one is looking for a well thought out Sal. Ralph said he didn't want them to do the gay shit in the beginning but now that they don't want to do it, he wants them to do more. Ralph said it's funnier when they're not that anxious to go through with it.
Jon asked Ralph about Howard being upset with him about the outfit he wore to the TM concert. Ralph said he and Howard both thought the outfit looked good but then it didn't photograph well. Ralph said he took a picture and they thought it looked fine when they did it that way. He said that Howard felt good and looked good at the time.
Ralph said that was it and then Howard said that it didn't look so good in the pictures they saw online. Ralph said he wasn't mad at Howard or anything, that shit happens.
Jon asked Ralph if he thinks that Howard is right saying that Sal isn't a team player. Ralph said that he isn't a team player especially when Sal is yelling at people for not doing stuff on the show that he thinks they should. Sal said that Ralph is comparing him to doing stuff that doesn't compare to what he's being asked to do. Gary said that Sal goes off on people all the time about stuff. Sal told him to tell him when he's done that. Gary came up with a few examples. Sal said that he's being asked to drop a load on a guy's back.
Sal told Ralph to come in there and do what he's done on the show. Sal said that he's done all of this stuff already and this is just something that's too strong for him. Sal told them to drop him off the building and then they can all drop loads on him. Sal said that the comparisons aren't fair.
Gary said that all he was trying to point out is that Sal is a hypocrite. He said that Sal has a limit and he's entitled to that but he has no respect to other people's limits. Sal said that's fine.
Ralph said that Sal is missing the point of what Gary has to say. He said that Gary is just giving back to Sal what Sal dishes out to people when he thinks that they're not being a team player. Sal apologized to that but he was being very insincere. Gary asked for anyone out there who has heard Sal tell someone that they're not a team player that they should let him know.
Gary told Sal that he's a shithead. Sal said that they're asking him to drop a load on a dude, that's not being a shithead when he turns it down.
Gary said that Sal doesn't have to do what he doesn't want to do. He said he can't make him do that stuff. He's just giving him a hard time about it to point out how nutty he is. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show wondering where to begin this morning. He said he was reading Page Six in the NY Post this morning. He said he reads what he's interested in and then calls it ''work.'' Howard said he saw his name in Page Six this morning and they were making it seem like he hates Stuttering John but he really doesn't.
He read the article and said that John is going to read it and think that he hates him but he really doesn't. Howard read about how he was talking about John possibly not going with Jay Leno when he moves his show. Howard had jokingly said that he would let John ask goofy questions if Jay doesn't take him with him.
Howard said he didn't resent any outside work like they claim in this article. Howard said that he told John he couldn't use his name, that's all.
Howard read a quote from last year that he said about John after he was on Adam Carolla's show. Howard said that he wanted to clear this up. Howard said that Jay should hire John for his new show. Jay had to have this guy and he was willing to ruin a relationship with him and do this behind his back and now he should keep him. Howard asked where John is going to go if he doesn't go with Jay. Howard said that it was like Jay broke up a marriage with him and John and now he might be leaving him behind.
Artie said that it's kind of embarrassing to Jay that he's not telling John if he's taking him with him to the new show. Howard said this shows that Jay must have been disappointed in John in some way. If he was happy, he would have told John that he's going along with him.
Howard said he thinks that they want someone that can play off of Jay and do sketches and stuff. They probably thought that John would work into something and it just hasn't happened.
Gary came in and said John came to him years ago and asked what he thought about doing some freelance stuff for Leno. He didn't think that Howard would let him do that and then he went out and got hired to be the announcer on the show. Gary thinks that John was going to get on the show and do all of the interviewing stuff and other things on that show after some time. Then they just kept him as the announcer.
Artie said that the former announcer also had to be fired to put John in there. Howard said that Jay obviously has a problem with keeping John around. He said that the new show is starting in June and they haven't told John if they're taking him.
Howard said that Jay just creates messes in people's lives and if he's not taking John, he should let him know what the decision is so he can go out and figure out what he's going to do.
Howard said he was joking about paying John a dollar per interview yesterday. He said he likes John and he always did a good job there. Howard said that the paper should say that he hates Jay and the way he treats people. It shouldn't be about John.
Howard said that Jay is doing that ''free concert'' for the Auto Workers in Detroit and it's so obvious that it's just for promotion for his new show.
Howard said that John was great there and he doesn't hate him. He thinks that Jay is a dick. Howard said that if John has problems with the amount they paid him there then he'll take that up with him when he sees him again.
Howard and Fred ended up doing their impressions of John as if he were talking to Jay Leno. Fred said that Leno has screwed people over like this with other people too. He said he thinks that he did something to Branford Marsalis. Howard said he didn't think that it was Jay's fault there. He believes that Branford had a problem with the way he was being used on the show.
Howard said that unfortunately there won't be anything in Page Six where he clarified what's going on. Howard said he doesn't have a grudge with John and he wishes him well. He hopes that Jay does hire him and keeps him on. Howard thinks that John must be freaking out right now not knowing what's going on. He said that if he's not going to hire him, he should let him know. He said that would be fair.
Artie said that if anything that hire was just wrong to begin with. They should have known that John wasn't going to fit in there.
Howard said that he doesn't know how to make it clear to John that he doesn't hate him. Howard said he doesn't know how to get the word to him other than like this. He said it doesn't matter what he says because this article will be on the record as being the thing.
Artie asked Howard if he'd call John to let him know. Howard said he actually would. He said he may e-mail him instead. Artie and Robin said that the problem is that it's going to be on the street now and people are going to be saying stuff to him. Howard said that he is going to call John then and let him know what he really thinks.
Howard said that this makes him look small and petty and he's really not. Robin said that John is still going to have to live with the repercussions after this article. Howard said that he knows that. Howard said that this article actually makes John appear even more important than he actually is. That could be a good thing for him.
Howard said he really doesn't care about Jay and he knows the guy is a fake. Artie said that John has a beautiful house out there in L.A. and he's got another kid to take care of. Robin said that she thinks that he must be freaking out if he doesn't know what's happening.
Howard said that Jay is being a sneaky little bitch with this whole thing and he's not being human with John. Robin said that a lot of people have been told already and this is undermining John. She said if they do take him, it's going to be at the last minute and that's just wrong.
Howard said they could turn the whole thing into a bit on The Tonight Show. He said that they could try to find John a job somewhere else. They could turn that into a whole thing and try to find him something. Howard said Jay owes the guy an explanation and he's just not giving him one. Howard said that maybe Jay sees that there are other options out there and he should be telling John that instead of leaving him hanging.
Robin said that there was a courtship and a wooing with Jay and John. Howard said he heard that they had a writer over there who pushed to get John on the show. He said that he's not sure if that guy is even there anymore.
Howard said that John's head was actually spinning when Jay hired him. He thought that the guy loved him and that's why he hired him. Howard said that he was always honest with John and he helped get him an air shift after their show when they were on K-Rock. Howard said that he had zero experience and that's a tough job to get with no experience. Howard said John was getting paid well to do that job too.
Artie said that it will be tough for John to find anything out there but he must have a place somewhere. Howard said that Jay is a pussy and he doesn't want any confrontation on the air. He said that they're going to end that show and they'll just leave John hanging until the last minute so he won't make a big stink.
Robin said that Billy Ray could keep his daughter from showing up to stuff so that's why they have to make a big deal out of him.
Howard said he was watching American Idol last night and they keep telling the contestants the same thing that they need to do something original. He said it was pretty bad.
Artie said that he was watching something where a kid did a cover of ''Can't You See'' and made it his own. That's the kind of thing the people on American Idol should be doing. Howard said that people who can do that are usually already in the business though. Howard said that you kind of have to know what you're good at and go for it.
Howard said he thinks that the guy who is going to win is the ''gayish kind of guy'' on Idol. Howard said he does something interesting on the show when he performs. He said the show was weird because it ended at 9:07. Robin said that they do creep into the next hour and they're doing that to get all the ratings they can.
Howard said Beth told him she was going to make this spaghetti meal. He said they try to eat healthy during the week and then eat whatever on the weekends. He said that Beth loves Gwyneth Paltrow for some reason and he went on her web site and found this recipe. He said that Beth must have a girl crush on her or something. Howard said that if he ever got close to having a threesome, it would have to be with her and Beth.
Howard said Beth was giving him some background on this web site that she was on and she's been catching a lot of crap about it. He said that Gwyneth's web site is all about herself but who's web site isn't? Beth found the recipe and he figured that it wasn't going to be all that great but it turned out to be very good. That led to Artie talking about how his mother has lightened up her recipe's lately and she's trying to keep them healthier too. Howard said that he had to give a shout out to Gwyneth's recipe.
Artie said that he was texting Howard yesterday while he was taking a stress test with a really hot chick in the room. Howard asked Artie if he gave her his pin number from his phone. Artie said that he actually did. Artie said that he tried to get her number but that wasn't happening.
Artie said that they had these things attached to him so they had to shave parts of his chest. He said this chick was kind of hugging him to put the stuff on and rubbing stuff on him. He said that he kind of chubbed up while she was doing all of this stuff.
Howard said that yesterday he heard about the Blackberry thing they did late in the show and people were complaining about it. Howard said that they were just doing it to have some fun on the air but it may have bored some people. Howard said that they had done four and a half hours of show already so he didn't think it was that bad of a thing to do.
Howard said that Beth was taping an appearance on the Tyra Banks show. He said that they only do one hour a day. He said that they're there for 4-5 hours a day. Howard said that if they did a show like Tyra did, they could tape the whole week in one day.
Howard said that he doesn't think that he's actually smacking his lips. He thinks that he's doing something with his tongue making a strange noise.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he had watched all of the Stuttering John videos he put up on his web site. Howard said he thinks that was a bad move and it might not be helping him keep his job with Leno. Artie agreed and said that was a bad idea.
Howard said that he is going to call John and let him know that he was just trying to say that Jay is a cocksucker and he should man up and tell John what he's going to do with him. Howard and Fred went into their Leno impressions and goofed on him a little bit. Howard and Fred were making it seem like Jay was going to blame someone else for not keeping John on the show.
The caller asked if they would give John his own show there like Jackie has. Howard said he could see that happening. He said he has no animosity toward John at all. He said that he doesn't want to see John get hurt or anything. The guy has a wife and 3 kids to take care of now.
Robin asked where the caller was calling in from because his phone was very noisy. Howard figured it was some kind of super power building up. The caller said that it was actually just a shitty phone.
Another caller asked about Tyra Banks and if he had a problem with her. Howard said that he said yesterday that he likes her. He has no animosity toward her either. That guy had a bad phone connection as well. Howard said that they've moved to satellite radio and all of the phones sound just as shitty as they did on terrestrial radio. Howard said that he could have the guys screen out those calls but he really doesn't want to do that.
Howard said that Sal had veins popping out of his head and he was really worked up during that discussion. Artie said he sounds like Joe Pesci in Goodfellas in that clip.
Gary said that Sal got mad at him for pointing out that he got paid good money to get shot in the ass with paint balls. Howard said that's right, he didn't do that for the love of the show.
Howard said that Sal was trying to use some words that just didn't come out right. He played some clips where Sal tried to use the word ''egregious'' and said ''gregarious'' instead. Sal also tried to say ''Absurd'' and said ''Abzurd.''
Howard said that Tim Sabean is going crazy too and he's not sure what's going on with him. He was trying to plug SIRIUS XM yesterday on the Wrap Up Show and he thinks that maybe Scott Greenstein got a hold of him or something. Howard said that the people listening to the show already have subscriptions though.
Howard played a clip of Tim talking about his diet and then saying that the wants people to go out and get more subscriptions to SIRIUS XM and that's why he's on his diet. Howard said Gary thinks that Tim just got out of a meeting and that's why he was promoting the way he was. Howard said that they've told Scott Greenstein that they're preaching to the choir when they do that on the show. They need to give people an incentive to tell their friends to get the service.
Tim came in and said that he's really just passionate about the service and that's why he was doing what he was doing. Howard said that's not true and he has to tell him what really went down. Tim swore to god that he was being honest. He said he's just excited about what they do there.
Gary asked Tim about the meeting he had with the guys last week and how they had to figure out a better way to market the service. Tim said that they all have to do that and go out and make things happen. This is what's paying the bills there. Tim said if they don't have the company's best business at heart then get out. Howard said that Scott had him in a meeting yesterday too and he was all hopped up after that.
Sal called in after that and told some stories about Hill Billy Jim and how he had sucked his cock one time and he had a big pecker too. They hung up on him as well. The people on the show told him not to call in with prank calls like that.
Then Richard called back in and started to rattle off some more names. They hung up on him and then Sal called back and laughed as he was throwing out some more hand job jokes. The host put him on the ''ban'' list and said that none of them can be there for any of their shows. One of the guys said that was ''rude, just plain rude.'' Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back from break and said that Regis and Kelly have this new thing where they read emails from the fans. Howard said that people are signing fake names and it's becoming an epidemic now. He played one where Regis had one from ''Fawn DelMajunk.'' Howard said that he might have to tell Kelly what they're doing. He played another one where they said they got mail from ''Clea Torres.'' Kelly read that one. Howard had ''Mi Luftik'' which was the newest one. Howard said that they're apparently not as astute at figuring those out as they are.
Howard said he had a bunch of stuff to play and he didn't remember what it was. Howard said that the TiVo will sometimes record stuff that it thinks you want to see. He said that his doesn't do that very much but Gary's will. Howard said that his TiVo will record this modeling show that he's embarrassed to have on the thing. Artie said that he has a friend who records every Mets game and it automatically records ''Queer as Folk.''
Howard said this guy Seth Myers on Saturday Night Live did a funny bit recently. Howard said he did a bit about the Obama family going over and exchanging gifts with each other. Seth said he knows it's not easy buying a gift for the Queen but maybe he should check with people other than his kids.
Howard said he thinks that he's learned from that and he's going to give people pictures of himself to people. He said that the queen thinks that people want to see that and they really don't give a fuck. Artie said that they're supposed to be the pinnacle of etiquette and that's the gift they're giving. Robin said that they're not the pinnacle of etiquette, they defy it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he might be the only Navajo fan they have. Howard said that's cool and asked if he lives on a reservation. The guy said he actually lives in Tempe. Robin asked if he owns any casinos. He said he doesn't. The guy said that the Navajos are the last ones to go into that kind of thing.
Howard asked if he sells those rubber drums. The guy said that his brothers are into that kind of stuff but not him. Howard said that he's seen some of that stuff for sale out there in Arizona. Fred asked if he sells the turquoise jewelry. The caller, Tyrone, said that his mother is into that but not him.
Tyrone asked Howard about trying to get laid in high school and what kind of music he played. Howard said that he had a chick in high school who he banged to some Neil Young and she was really hot. Howard said that she had big tits and fully blonde, even down below. The caller was talking over Howard but Howard just let him do his thing. Robin wondered what he was doing.
Howard was going to tell a story but the caller was talking over him. Howard said that he has a lot of callers who do that to him and don't let him answer. Howard said he was going to talk some Neil Young with the guy but he wouldn't let him talk.
Howard said that this chick was a natural blonde and the hair down below was blonde and she was just the hottest chick. Howard said he thinks that it was like the second time he was having sex and she ended up calling her boyfriend in college. Howard said that he put it in her and finished in one stroke. He said that he gave her an excuse that he wasn't comfortable doing it with her.
Howard said the chick thought he was cool because he had pot and long hair. He said that she realized that he was a putz. Howard said that no one talked to him in high school and this chick went to a different school. He said she must have figured that he was kind of cool when he rolled into town with some pot.
Howard said that he gave the girl an apricot sour to get her a little drunk. Robin asked what was in that. Howard said that there was some apricot brandy and some mixer stuff. He said his parents used to have him make that stuff for them.
Howard said that he and this chick went out to the garage and smoked and then had some of the booze and went up to his room and listened to some Neil Young. He asked Fred to play him some Neil Young while he was talking about this. Fred actually picked up the guitar and played for Howard so he could sing ''Needle and the Damage Done.'' They did that for a short time. Howard said Fred doesn't know how to play and told him to practice more.
Howard said that the chick wasn't having any part of that. He said that she was so fuckin' hot though. Howard said that he did score with her but he finished so fast. He said that it was awkward. He said that she wanted to call her boyfriend from his parent's house and he wouldn't let her do it.
Howard let Tyrone go a short time later and spent a short time goofing on him about the way he was talking over him and stuff like that.
Lisa said she's going to see Beth today over at the Mike and Juliet show. Howard said that Beth is filling in for Juliet today. Lisa asked what she's wearing. Howard wasn't sure but he said she did model stuff for him and he picked one out for her.
Howard said that he thinks that Gary was actually the one who put a stop to Mike going out with Lisa. Howard said Gary admitted to him that he may have told Mike that Lisa isn't a party type. Gary said that he asked him if she liked to party and he said he didn't think she was like that. Howard said he would just say that he didn't know Lisa well enough to know that. Howard said that Mike is being very ''high school'' with this whole thing and maybe he should just go out with her and see what she's like.
Gary asked Lisa what a late night is for her. Lisa said that having dinner at 8 is late for her. Howard told her to forget it then. He said that those guys, Ross and Mike, go out really late and they don't have dinner that early.
Howard said that Ross is never going to come to his house for dinner again if he's complaining about it being too early. Howard said that he has to throw people out by 11 and they end up going out and partying after that.
Robin said that Ross wanted to go out partying after Howard's wedding. Robin said they like to go out to the clubs when they go out too. Howard said that they might be getting too old for that.
Howard said that he might have to put the kill on this whole thing with Lisa and Mike. He said Ross may have been right about it. Howard said that when he had his New Year's Eve party as soon as they were done counting down, he opened the door and told people to leave. Lisa was laughing her ass off after Howard described how he did that.
Howard said that he figured if he had people over at 7 at night they'd be tired by midnight. Howard said he got upset when people weren't there by 10 after 7. He said that he is always prompt and he just wanted to get the party over with. Howard said that he doesn't want people hanging around there.
Howard said he can't stay out late himself. When he was dating he would never stay out past 9:30 or so. Howard said that 5 hours is enough time to spend with people on a New Year's Eve party.
Artie said that they were actually there from 9pm to 1am. Howard said that he was tired after that. Robin said she knew that he wanted people out of there by then so she made a big show out of putting her coat on to give people a hint.
Howard said that he thinks that Mike just goes along with Ross sometimes and he's not that big of a partier. Robin said that she's not sure about that. Gary said that they're looking for someone who could hang with them.
Robin said that Lisa really doesn't party and she didn't hang out at the club with the girls the night she was out with them. Robin said that Lisa just went home even though they were going to a club.
Gary said he thinks that it would take a month and a half to get into Lisa's pants. Howard figured it would be about 3 dates. Lisa said that she doesn't know about that. She said she wants to be someone's friend. Gary said that means it's a month and a half. Fred figured it would be a year.
Lisa said that if she found a guy who was really hot and she wanted to have some fun, she might do it quicker. Gary said that she just doesn't do that though. She would never do that.
Lisa said that she has a weird schedule like Howard does so she can't stay out too late. Gary said that he's able to go out and stay out until early in the morning.
Howard said that Ronnie was out in the hall screaming about how he knows why Lisa can't get a date. Gary told him to come in. Ronnie came in and said he was tired of hearing this horse shit. He said that she doesn't want to go out with anyone. He thinks that she has her own stupid life going on and she would be going out if she really wanted to.
Lisa said that she would like to go out with someone. Ronnie said that he doesn't think she's interested in anyone. Ronnie said he was yelling about her hanging out with Gange so she can have a best friend like he does. Lisa said she knows Gange's type and it's not her. She said that he likes the Miss Howard TV type.
Howard said he's with Lisa on the late night thing. He can't see staying up past 10 o'clock. Howard said that if he's with a chick already, there is no reason to go to a club or anything. He said that if he's on the hunt then he's a different guy. He said he will score as fast as possible and then bring them into bed and fuck. He said that's fun.
Lisa said that she would go to a club to see what it was like if they wanted. The guys told her that they don't want her to do it like it's a news report.
Robin told a story about going down to Atlantic City and partying with the girls. Robin said that the guys all went off and gambled while the girls went to a bar and drank. She said that they went to a club in the Borgata and sang along with the live band. She said that they didn't end up going to bed until about 5 in the morning. Howard said he could gamble into the night but the rest of that story sounds like torture to him.
Howard said that he was getting a headache hearing Robin's story. Robin said that she went out for drinks with the girls on Saturday night and then they went to the concert and out for drinks after the concert.
Artie asked Lisa what is fun for her at a party. Lisa said that standing around talking is fun. Ronnie told him to go to a cookie party, that's what's fun for her. Artie said that he used to do coke and stuff at parties. That was ''partying'' to him back in the day. Howard said that Lisa isn't into that though.
Howard said that a couple doesn't have to have everything in common. He said that these guys are looking for parties and drinking at 3 in the morning and that's not what Lisa is looking for. Howard said that those guys aren't looking for Lisa.
Fred ended up playing Eddie Murphy's ''Party All the Time'' while they were talking about this stuff. Howard said he didn't remember that song being that bad. It was a hit song back when it came out. Howard said he forgot just how bad it was.
Howard said he thought they might have a match there for Lisa but he was wrong. They spent a little more time talking about that.
Howard said he'd love to hear that Gayle had to turn down Oprah saying that she had to go out with Howard Stern. Howard said he was telling his daughter Ashley how he was going to try and steal Oprah's best friend away from her. She didn't understand why he would do such a thing.
Howard said that he spent a while talking to Gayle. Lisa said that she called him a big ol' puppy dog. Howard said that he loves that she called Oprah. He asked if they know what she said to her. Lisa said she didn't give details.
Howard said that Gayle has to resent Oprah a little bit. Robin said that she's made her life though. Howard said that she must want to have her own identity and how she's friends with Howard Stern. Howard said that it has to drive Oprah nuts knowing that.
Howard said he doesn't have Gayle's e-mail address yet. He said that he has to work on that. Lisa said that she does consider Howard her buddy. Howard said that he wants to get in even closer with her and he'd even call into her show. Howard said that he would have her over to his house. He said that he wouldn't go on a cross country trip with her like Oprah did though. He said they don't have to do the same things.
Howard said they may have to get Gayle a boyfriend. He said he's going to forget about Lisa and Robin and give Gayle the guy he was thinking of for Robin. Robin said she resents that. Howard told Artie he's going to set him up with Gayle. Robin said that was fine with her. She's not looking for that.
Lisa said she spoke to Dr. Louis Arroni who was talking about the detox diets. He's also David Letterman's doctor. Lisa said that she would like Robin and the doctor to debate each other. She said that she spoke to him about the comments that Robin had about him and he would like to meet with her and talk to her about the diet.
Howard said that Gary was on a roll with that on the Wrap Up Show. He played some of that discussion where Gary talked about how he agrees with the doctor. Will was also talking about how he felt better after going to the doctor to have his cancer treated. Robin said that Will has a point but she will not debate the doctor. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that when Kevin Nealon was in there the other day (a month ago) they played one of his Crank Yankers prank calls. He found another one that he thought was funny and they should have played it when he was there. Howard played that call where Nealon calls about a personal trainer and keeps talking over the woman who he's talking to. Every time she tries to answer him, he cuts her off and asks another question. They end up arguing and talking over each other.
Howard said he had some other audio clips to play today. He was also reading some news story about these kids who are sending pictures of themselves over their phones and they end up getting in trouble like they're sex offenders or something.
Howard said they were looking for that Billy Crystal interview that Stuttering John did years ago. They didn't find it yesterday but he had it this morning. Howard played that clip as well. John was asking Billy about his movie ''Mr. Saturday Night'' and if there will be a number 2. Billy got upset with the questions and Billy told him to take those questions and shove them up Howard's fuckin' ass. Billy said that it wasn't fun answering those questions.
Howard said that was a great moment. Robin said that was very uncomfortable. Howard said he's not sure why Billy thinks that he hates him. He said that he always had nice stuff to say about him. He may have bad mouthed some of his movies but everyone hated those movies. Howard said if you criticize someone on this show,they think you hate them. He doesn't hate Billy at all.
Howard read a Craigslist post from some Nazi looking for a nice girl to date. He read the guy's post where he talked about how he's not that extreme but does believe in some of the Nazi ways. Howard said that maybe this is a guy for Lisa G. Howard said that Jim Breuer was there so he was going to be coming in soon.
Howard took a call from a guy who was asking if he could use Beth to train his dog. That guy calls in and asks Howard what the difference is between him and Imus. Howard said that he's funny and Imus isn't. He also said that he didn't meet his wife in a radio contest like Imus did.
The caller said that he also liked some shows that Robin was featured in. He rattled off some of those shows. The guy wasn't sure what number one was.
Howard asked Artie if he's ''dancin'' today. Artie said that he hasn't been sleeping well lately and he's really just tired. Howard said that some of the guys were thinking that he was on something because he was struggling to stay awake. Artie said that he's very anxious about stuff and he's unable to sleep. He said that he should be fine today. He said he can make it through this today.
Howard said that it might be part of the withdrawals but that's the good news. Artie said that his trainer told him he's going to have to go through a lot of shit. Artie said he just wants to get normal already and that's why he's going through this stuff.
Artie said that instead of napping yesterday he did sit-ups an push-ups and now he's sore from that. Artie said that the trainer wanted to see his body shaking from doing so many. He said that the guy told him that he should be fine doing that stuff after the stress test results came.
Artie said he was able to do 12 good push-ups and 18 sit-ups. Robin asked if he's certified to train like this. Artie said that the guy has done it with people before and he trusts him.
Artie said that he's going to get some NutriSystem stuff that's for sports guys. Howard said he hopes that Robin and Dr. Roni don't try to intercept the meals he's getting. Robin said that it's processed food and it's not good but she's not going to stop him from doing it. Artie said that he's supposed to do just 1,800 calories a day.
The caller said he had a way to see if Artie was ''dancin'' today. He was going to suggest something but he didn't get to his point so Howard hung up on him.
Howard said he thinks that Jim should do a Goat Boy film. Jim told Howard to make it happen and he'll do it. Howard does have a production company.
Howard said that Jim probably didn't network with the right people when he was on SNL. Howard told him that he should have hooked up with Adam Sandler. Jim said that Sandler was gone by the time he got there.
Jim said that the people who hired him over there actually left. He said that they all left him hanging. Howard said that Tracy Morgan has ''30 Rock'' now and he should have something like that. Jim did an impression of Tracy that was pretty good. Jim said that Tracy is very funny and maybe one of the funniest guy's he's ever been around off stage.
Jim said that Tracy used to make fun of Lorne Michaels and make fake threats toward him in the elevator. Howard said that he sat next to Tracy at a Knicks game and he's very funny just throwing comments out there.
Jim did some more impressions of Tracy and told some stories about hanging out with him. Jim said that he and Tracy used to hang out and Tracy would tell him he was from the ghetto and he didn't really get it until they went to a Met game one time. Tracy loves attention. Jim said he doesn't like attention but Tracy is constantly drawing attention to himself. Jim said they'd go to a game on the train and Tracy would be yelling about stuff and drawing attention to himself.
Jim said that they got to the Met game and he figured Tracy must be from the ghetto because the scalpers all came walking their way. Jim said he got spooked out for a second but then they asked Tracy if he was King Dog from the hood. They didn't know him from SNL, they knew him as a scalper and a crack dealer.
Howard said that Jim is an amazing impressionist because when he does Tracy, his face becomes Tracy. Jim said that anyone he's a fan of he can do that way. Howard said that Jim used to do that great Joe Pesci impression on SNL and he really looks like him when he does it. Howard said it's not just the voice, it's the face too. Jim said he just does what he sees and hears.
Howard said that Jim becomes the guy. He said it's amazing. Howard wondered why his career never took off. Jim said that he just got an agency recently. Howard said that he wants to understand the 3 year plan he has and he wants to be a Jim Breuer promoter.
Jim said that he's going to redevelop himself now. He said that he got an agent, UTA, and they're very legitimate. He said that he doesn't have to pay them for head shots or anything like that. He fell for that stuff when he was younger.
Jim said that the people at UTA heard him on Howard's show and they told him that when he went in for the meeting. Howard asked Jim if today is on the plan. Jim said that not today. He said that he was going to get back into stand up and he's only doing the SIRIUS show one day a week on Friday. Jim said the plan was to go out for a year and develop a new act. Then he was going to film a one hour special. Jim said that the special is going to air on April 25th. He said it's called ''Clearing the Air.''
Howard asked Jim if he's doing the Joe Pesci impression in his act. Jim said he did that in the last act and Joe isn't out there doing anything anymore so he's not doing it. Howard said he could do Joe Pesci in retirement or in the nursing home or something. Jim did some of his Joe Pesci and goofed around with that for a short time.
Howard asked Jim if anyone from SNL stays in touch with him now. Jim said that no one even calls him to say hi. He said that Tracy was his best friend over there when they worked together. Jim said that Tracy used to complain about all of the other guys getting movies and stuff. Jim said that he actually auditioned for one segment on ''30 Rock'' and he didn't get it. He was going to play Tina Fey's retarded brother and Andy Richter got the part.
Jim said he thought he was going to get the part. Howard asked how he played it. Jim said that you never go ''full retard'' in an audition. Howard asked him how he did it. Jim said that he wasn't actually retarded, he was just in a skiing accident so he never fully recovered and he was stuck at 17 years old.
Howard asked if Tina Fey was there when he was doing the audition. Jim said that she wasn't there but just about everyone else was there. Jim said that Tina was only there the last year he was there. He said that she was wanted everywhere and she was very busy all the time.
Jim said that the first time he saw Tina on Weekend Update he had to check his eyes because she didn't look like the chick he knew as a writer. Jim said he thinks that they just dolled her up a bit for the show. Howard asked if any of the guys tried to hit on her. Jim said she made it known that she wasn't for sale back then.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who had Tracy Morgan audio clips but it fell apart about 5 seconds in so Howard hung up.
Howard asked Jim what he wants to do now. Jim said he'd like to be in movies and do funny movies. Howard asked if he wants to be the new Tim Allen. Jim said he wants to be in a Meatballs type of movie like Bill Murray was. He said that's the kind of thing he's looking to do.
Howard said there's no reason he shouldn't be doing that kind of thing. Jim said that they're hoping to generate some interest in him when the special comes out. Jim said that they hope to get him some work after that.
Howard told Jim not to bring his father with him once he does start getting interest again. Jim said that his father was a great guy and he would bring him around because he was fun to be around. Howard said that he'd bring him around and introduce him to big stars and stuff. Jim said that he introduced him to John Goodman one time. His father was a garbage man and he'd always tell people that he was the driver, he didn't get his hands dirty.
Jim said that he brought his father to SNL and things like that. He said that his mother wanted him to take accounting to use as a back up. He said he took it for like 3 hours but then dropped out. Jim said that he was good at math until about 9th grade and then no one is good at it.
Howard asked Jim about bringing his dad to SNL and how that went. Jim said that he'd bring in some awful beer on the plane with him. He said that he brought his dad to meet John Goodman that one time and he was ticked off because he forgot his beer and had to go out and buy more. Jim said they went strolling past John Goodman while his father had a six pack of beer in his hand. He said he kind of shuffles too. He said that his father asked if he could say hello to John. Jim told him to go ahead. Then his father, with the beer in his hand, said hi to Goodman and offered him a brewski to ''start the day off right.'' Jim said that he was sweating by that point.
Jim said that John Goodman said he'd love a beer. Jim said that his father asked John if he has an Elks club where he lives. Goodman said that he was the Elks of the year. The two of them were talking about what it takes to be an Elk and stuff like that.
Jim figured that his father was going to go home with this great story to tell. Jim said that he had to go off to rehearse and left his father with Goodman. He said he figured that maybe they'd get along so well that they'd hang out. Jim said he went to find his dad and found him all pissed off in his dressing room. Jim said his father told him that the ''fat fuck'' had drank 5 of his beers. He was all pissed off at Goodman for doing that.
Jim said that he never knows what's going to come out of his father's mouth. He said that at one of the last shows he did they had Paula Abdul on the show. He said that she was there and it was the end of the party they have after the show. Jim said he went to the bathroom and when he came back his father, who likes to get dirty with people, was hanging out with Paula Abdul. Jim said that she told him that he was so nasty but so adorable. Paula told him that his father had just told her that if he was 20 years younger he'd be all over her like a dog.
Jim said his father saw the laughter and thought he'd do more. He went up to Paula and asked her if she wanted him to be her puppy. Paula wanted to hear more so his father started to tell her what puppy was. He said that's when she sniffs his ass and he just growls. She loved it all and his father kept going with that stuff.
Howard asked Jim if his father ever met Lorne Michaels. Jim said that he had him to the first show he was ever on and he ended up getting cut that night. His father wanted to know why he got cut and said that the show sucked. Jim said he didn't care about that so much but his father was all worked up over it.
Jim said that Lorne Michaels was walking out of the party and Jim wanted his father to meet him. His father didn't really know who he was at the time. He said he was walking up to Lorne and he was really nervous about it. He told Lorne his father was there and Lorne said he'd love to meet him. Then his father asked him what kind of name ''Lorne'' was and things like that. Jim did his impression of Lorne while he was telling that story. His father then asked Lorne why his son wasn't on the show that night and how the show sucked. He said that Lorne was a total class act and said that he could assure him that he would be on next week. His father said that he didn't care about the next week because he was there that week. Jim said that Lorne just walked away.
Howard said that you can check out Jim's web site, JimBreuer.com, and buy some of his merchandise there.
Howard took some phone calls and one guy asked if Jim would take over for Artie when he croaks. Howard said that Artie isn't going to croak. The caller said that Artie looked rough when he saw him at Crumbs last month. Howard said that was last month. He said that Artie did 12 push ups and 18 sit ups yesterday. He's going to be fine.
Howard gave Jim some plugs for his Comedy Central special and asked him about his family. Jim said that he's been keeping in touch with them through Skype lately. That led to Howard saying that he should be in a movie called ''Skype Dad'' where he never actually meets the kids in person. Jim said that sounds like a sitcom to him.
Howard talked to Jim about Dave Chappelle and working with him on ''Half Baked.'' Jim said that people thought he was wasted through that movie and he really wasn't. He said that Dave was great and that movie was great. He said that he thought he was going to be huge after he appeared in it.
Jim said that Dave used to tell him that he wanted to be like Mel Brooks with his movies. Jim said that he could still be Mel Brooks if he got back into the movie thing. Jim said that Dave was a great guy to work with because they used to have fun off camera. He said that Dave is great off camera and they should have had some back stage stuff going.
Jim said that he was there with Dave when he drove for the first time. He said that the first time he drove they ended up hitting a car within 5 minutes of going out. Jim said that Dave also took on a dog during the shooting of that movie and it was really bad timing.
Jim said that Dave had this little white Husky that he wanted to call ''Whitey.'' Jim said he just wanted to be able to say ''Hey Whitey, sit down!''
Howard said that they were out at a party one time and everyone was lighting up but when Dave lit up, he was the one who got kicked out of the party.
Jim said that they were staying at a nice hotel up in Canada and he had this white dog with him and the dog ended up taking a big dump on the floor of the lobby. Dave didn't do anything about it. He didn't discipline the dog at all, he just left the dump and piss on the floor. Jim said that the dog was ripping up all of Dave's clothes and shitting on the floor.
Jim said that he was asked to go up to a store where they were going to give him some free clothes. He said that Dave took advantage of that and took as much as he could get. Jim said that they brought the dog with them to this store that they were asked to go to. The dog was ripping up leather jackets that were worth $1,000. Dave would just say he didn't know what to do with that thing. The dog would just rip shit up and Dave would just ignore it.
Jim said that Dave was getting all stressed out from the dog. He said that Esther Roll was staying in the room across from Dave's and he saw her in the hall one night. Jim said that she asked him if he was staying in that room. He said it was Dave Chappelle. She went off on him about the dog and the smell of shit that was constantly coming out of his room. They were trying to get Dave kicked out of the hotel after that.
Jim said that they would bring the dog in the van they took to the set and the dog would be biting the driver's ankles. Dave wouldn't even keep the dog on a leash.
Artie said that they were shooting ''Dirty Work'' up there at the same time they were shooting ''Half Baked.'' Artie said that he remembers seeing Chappelle with the dog and how they ran out of rooms at the hotel because of what was going on. Artie said that he remembers Norm asking about the dog and wondering what was going on with that.
Jim said that Dave signed the dog up for obedience school and sent the dog off to do that. Dave had named the dog ''Monk'' and not ''Whitey.'' So Monk went off to obedience school and Dave was feeling better. Jim said that they were getting to the end of the shoot and Dave asked him to come to his room.
Jim went to Dave's room and he showed him how the dog would listen to him now. He was showing him all of the tricks and stuff. Jim said that they were hanging out on Dave's balcony one day and behind them was the bed. The dog was standing there taking a shit on the bed. Jim said he turned around and saw Dave getting really pissed. He said that Dave went in and got the dog, that went under the bed. He said that he was howling watching this going on. Dave went under the bed and popped back up saying that the dog had left 40 shits under his bed. He said that he had paid $4,000 to teach the dog how to be sneaky. Jim said that Dave couldn't figure out where the smell was coming from in the room even after he had it cleaned.
Jim said that Dave kept that dog and got another dog to keep it company. Howard told Jim he's amazing with those stories. He said he missed Dave after hearing that story.
Jim said he admires what Dave did by getting out of the business. Howard told Jim not to tell his management that.
Howard gave Jim some more plugs and told him this was his best appearance ever. Jim said that he has to pay them because they helped him out with some material this morning.
Artie asked Jim about working on Chappelle's show. Jim said that he actually got fired 10 days before the show aired. He said that Dave used to get these Town Cars to ride in and he hated them. Jim said he had a Ford convertible himself. He said that Dave finally got a car he liked and he showed up at his door at midnight one night.
Jim said they drove over Laurel Canyon and went to a coffee shop, in separate cars. He said that they were talking deep shit and then Dave said that he just saw his car go by. Jim said that his car was out there with the top down and his car didn't go anywhere. He said that Dave told him it was the same color. Dave wanted to check but he told him to calm down. Jim said his car was there when they went out and Dave's car was gone. Jim said that Dave figured the cops had towed it. Jim said that his car must have been stolen. Then things started to fester with Dave and he was pissed that he had just put gas in that mo'fucker. Jim said that Dave used to make him laugh so much with that stuff.
Howard gave Jim some more plugs for his Comedy Central special ''Lets Clear the Air'' which is airing on the 25th of this month.
Howard was about to wrap up but Jim had another story to tell about Lars from Metallica. Jim said that he and Lars used to hang out all the time until one disastrous night when he didn't have the same partying standards he did. Jim said that he had found a knapsack that someone had left on in a cab and he was going to keep it and return it to the owner the next day. Lars didn't understand why he would do that and told him to get rid of it.
Jim said that this kid came up to Lars and asked to bum a cigarette from him. Lars asked the guy if he ever thought that maybe he had worked really hard for that pack of cigarettes. Jim said that Lars was giving him a hard time so Jim figured it was time to get out of there. Then Lars took the knapsack and tossed it across the street with books scattering all over the place. He said that Lars went off on him about taking it.
Jim said that he and Lars went out walking across the street and Lars didn't stop walking as the cars were coming. He said that Lars was yelling at people and cursing them out for not stopping. Then Lars got on top of a car and walked on it. Jim said he didn't know what the guy was doing.
Jim said that he told Lars he has to chill out because he doesn't need that kind of attention. Jim said that they went to this private club and it was kind of dark. Jim said that he's easily star struck too. He said that he was creeped out by this little club he was in. He said they walked in and people like Matt Damon, Gwyneth Paltrow and Dave Matthews were all in there. Jim said that he was going nuts when he saw that. He said that it was this little place and it was like 2 in the morning so he had to get home to his pregnant wife. He said that Lars couldn't believe he was going to leave in the middle of that. Jim said he was never able to get Lars on the phone again after that.
Howard had to wrap up and go to break after that. He told Jim to come back anytime and told him not to forget about them when he gets really big.
After the break we heard a prank call the guys made to a Chinese restaurant using Casey Kasem audio clips where he gives them every number from 1 to 10 placing his order. Fred also played a Baba Booey song parody that was to the tune of the Law and Order theme song. Fred played The Cranberries ''Zombie'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said he loves that song. He didn't know the name of the singer though. Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Beth was on TV and she was all about Howard this morning talking about him a lot. She said that Lisa G was in the audience too. Mariann said that Melissa Rivers was also on and they were talking about the wedding.
Howard said he heard that they bleeped her. He had a clip of that where they bleeped Beth for talking about something. He wasn't sure what it was that she said that got her bleeped though.
Mariann said she looked beautiful today. Mariann also suggested Richie Beilenson as a date for Lisa G. Mariann also told Artie why people think that he's ''dancin'' this morning. She was going on a little too long so Howard cut her off and hung up.
Howard said he'll find out when he gets home what Beth said that got bleeped. He said he'll report back when he finds out.
Howard said he loves Jim Breuer on the show. They talked about some of the stories he told and how great he is at telling stories.
Steve said they have another bar owner claiming that Captain Janks ripped him off. He said that this bar owner says that it was after he was on the show saying that he wasn't doing that.
Steve said they have a story about Richard Christy possibly being in a movie that will be produced by a new production company.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they saw the video of Ted Kennedy throwing out the first pitch at the Red Sox game. Howard said that he saw it and he feels bad for the guy. He said he's sick and he was only able to throw the ball about 3 feet. Gary said it was 3 feet and it bounced.
Howard said that he wouldn't have that great of a throw but he could probably do okay. Gary said that he threw out a pitch at Mets game one time and he'll be doing that again in May. He said that he has to practice though. Artie said he would work on that with him sometime after work.
Howard said he saw Ryan Seacrest throw one out one time and it makes you look like a douche bag if you can't throw a ball.
Howard said that he went out and played a softball game one time and he was lucky he was like the only guy who got a hit. He said he told himself that he wasn't going to screw things up when he hit and that's what he did. He said that they were fast pitching that day too and he thinks that they had ringers on the other team that day. He said he was very relieved when he got a hit in that game.
Artie said that he played a celebrity game one time with some other comedians and he knows what kind of pressure that can be.
JD said that he went to a Cincinnati Reds game and the Mayor threw the pitch into the opposing team's dugout. JD giggled through the whole short story.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. That led to Howard talking about how he saw some pictures of Jon when he was a young man and he looked pretty good. Jon said that Richard sent Howard those pictures. Howard said he was a good looking dude back then.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was watching Beth on the Mike and Juliet show and they had the camera on her tits but she had a puppy in front of her. Howard said he has told Beth not to block those things because guys are going to want to jerk off to her. Howard said they should let that Mike guy hold the puppies instead.
Howard was thinking that they could put out a Jon Hein calendar because he kind of looks like one of those Jonas Brothers guys.
Robin started her news with a story about teacher who video taped some teens having sex at his home. He had been doing it for the past 30 years. The cops found about 400 home videos and films in the guy's house.
Robin had a story about Miley Cyrus' mother. She's going to be on an E! special tonight. Howard said he didn't even know that mom was around. Robin read about what she'll be talking about in the special.
Robin read about some conjoined twins that were separated at a hospital in Tennessee. Howard said that they should abort them before they're born. He said that's what he would do if he knew ahead of time. Robin said that they were fused from the lower breast bone to the naval. Howard said that he would rather adopt a one headed black kid, like Madonna does, than have conjoined twins. Howard said they're not going to have a good life.
Howard, Artie and Fred all said that they would abort if they knew that they were going to have conjoined twins. Robin said she wouldn't.
Robin read a story about Joba Chamberlain who was arrested for DUI and ended up shooting off his mouth to the cops. She said the cops had a videotape rolling and caught his rant.
Robin read about an 89 year old Nazi and wondered if they have to send him back to Germany to face charges. Robin said that he's not the same guy when he's that age.
Howard said that he was reading that they charge $3 for the 3D glasses at ''Monsters Vs. Aliens'' movie. Robin said she thought that was a deposit but Howard said it looked like it wasn't.
Howard said that Doug Hurwitt was telling him about that and also about trying to go to a Yankee game with the kids and it was some ridiculous amount of money. It was going to be like an average of $10,000 or something like that. Gary said it was $2,500 a ticket from what he was seeing.
Howard got the letter a short time later and read what Doug wrote to him about the ticket prices. He said he went online to order and the total was $10,744.45.
Gary said he saw a guy who bought season tickets to the new stadium and it was going to be a little under $800,000 for a season.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the tickets aren't selling from what he's heard. Howard said he thought they were selling. The caller said that they're worried that they're going to have empty seats when they show the TV coverage. Howard said they should have empty seats with prices like that.
Another caller said that he was at the Cloris Leachman book signing last week and some guy came up and handed her court papers at the end of the signing. The caller figured that maybe Steve Langford would be interested in that but Howard said that's her personal business.
Robin read about this 89 year old Nazi and how they're trying to stop him from being sent back to Germany because he's in poor health.
Robin read about the start of Passover starting today. That led to Fred playing some of Gilbert Gottfried singing some songs on the show. Robin had some details on what Passover is thanks to an audio clip of a guy explaining what it is.
Robin read about the free Jay Leno show that was held this weekend. Robin had some audio of Leno talking about why he did the show for the people there in Detroit. Howard said his show is going to tank no matter how much promotion he does.
Robin read a story about the shooting that went on up in Binghamton, New York. She had audio of the cops contacting dispatch about the car the guy used to block the back door of the place. Robin said they're looking into the letter the guy sent before going on the shooting spree. Fred played some shooting sounds and some Fred the Elephant Boy doing his Korean impression during that story.
Robin read another story about a shooting in California last night. She said that they found a couple of victims and one died at the scene. Robin said that this is the 8th mass shooting this month alone.
Howard said that Rob Schneider did an original short film for the internet and it's pretty funny. He said it's a fake trailer for a movie where he's a nudist and the nudist colony fights off some attackers that attack the country. Howard said you can find that on FunnyOrDie.com
Robin read a story about a guy who lit himself on fire and had burns on 100 percent of his body. He ended up dying after being brought to the hospital.
Robin read some news about Sarah Palin letting Levi Johnston, the boyfriend of her daughter, live in their house for a few months while they dated. Howard said it's stories like this that make her look like a bit of a nut. Robin had some audio clips of Levi Johnston talking about that stuff. She said that they won't even let him be alone with his own kid.
Robin read a story about Senator Ted Stevens from Alaska having the charges against him thrown out of court. He's been let out of that case now.
Robin had a story about a group that's trying to get the Paparazzi stopped from shooting crime scenes. They're calling it the Rihanna law because they're basing it on the pictures of her that were released after she was attacked by Chris Brown. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about that but the quality of the recording was awful.
Robin read some news about President Obama going to Baghdad to see the troops. Howard played some audio of Obama making a speech for the troops and he was echoing a lot. Howard did an impression of that with echo on his own voice. Robin wondered where he was making that speech that it was echoing so much.
Robin said that the senate race is still going on out in Minnesota. Howard said that Al Franken won and the other guy should step aside already. Robin said the other guy keeps asking them to count more and more votes and Franken keeps getting ahead of the guy when he does that. Howard said that he can't believe that they haven't figured that out yet. He said it's very third world.
Robin said that the car companies are doing everything they can to sell cars now. She said that there are people driving around in the 2011 Ford Fiesta and posting stuff online about it. Robin had some audio of a Ford guy talking about how people can follow those people.
Howard said that they have to invent a flying car that can also go on water. Robin said that GM has created a car based on a Segway that has only two wheels but 2 seats. Howard said he would buy a car that has the ability to fly and go on water that was under 10 grand.
Robin said that this GM vehicle was developed to get through congested city traffic. Robin said that this thing will go where you tell it to and you can do your work while it's doing its thing. Robin said you can even tell it to go park itself once you get to work.
Robin had some news about Tiger Woods being back and playing in the Masters this weekend. She had some audio of Tiger talking about that.
Robin had some stories about Taylor Swift getting involved in the whole Hanna Montana thing. She was talking about how great it was to meet the little girl fans and things like that. She was talking about how positive Miley Cyrus is and how great it is to work with her.
Robin had some audio of Russell Crowe talking about his latest movie and what it was like working with the director. Robin also had some audio of Michael Cain talking about his career. Howard cut that one short because he was going on a little too long. Robin had a couple of other clips that she had him play though. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:50am.
Jon said that Howard eventually came around and agreed that it might not be the right set up. Jon had Teddy play some audio from the show where Lisa and Gary were talking about what a late night is for her.
Gary said that he remembers Ross coming over to his place years ago and they drank until midnight and then went out to the clubs. He said that he's seen the sunrise a few too many times with Ross.
Jon said that Robin runs around like that too. Gary said that someone said that they think that Robin doesn't sleep anymore at all. He said that they think that she's living on very little sleep these days. Jon said he's never seen Robin yawn. Gary said the coffee enema thing must be working for her.
Jon asked Gary if it's fair for Lisa to compare her lifestyle to Howard's. Gary said that she can compare it to a lot of people's jobs. He said that other people get up early like they do including people like bakers.
Benjy said that he doesn't think that their hours are really that out of line with other people in the country. Gary said he thinks that if you went to Lisa's apartment, she's probably got a closet full of pictures of Howard. He said that she could have a bit more of a night life than she does but she's playing it safe.
Jon wondered if Lisa is going to be alone for the rest of her life or is she going to try and find a guy. Benjy said it seems like things have changed with her and she is going to try and find a guy.
Gary said that he thinks that it's going to take a guy at least a month and a half to get to have sex with Lisa. Benjy said that he would date her. He said that they may actually go out on a few dates. He said he thinks that he could get her in 3 or 4 dates if he was going to try. Benjy said that the whole texting thing can help fill in the relationship thing in just a few weeks.
Jon asked Benjy if he would try to make a move on the first date. Benjy said he wouldn't do that with Lisa. Gary said he can't see Lisa dating Benjy. Benjy said he thinks that she would but he won't even call it a date the first time.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Lisa and Benjy would look like the number 10 walking down the street. He said that he thinks that Ronnie actually has a thing for Lisa and he's like that little kid pulling her pig tails. Gary said that he thinks that Ronnie would like to have sex with her but he doesn't dream about having a relationship with her.
Jon said that Lisa really does get under Ronnie's skin. He was in the hallway yelling about her today and it really bothers him when she's on the air talking about that.
Mike Gange came in so Jon asked him if he can see a possible date. Mike said he likes Lisa but she's a tad old for him. Gary said that Gange likes the younger women. He once dated an 18 year old when he was 31.
Gary asked Mike how old he thinks Lisa is. Mike guessed that she was around Gary's age which is 48. Gary said that he thinks Lisa looks great and she's got a great body. He said that she hasn't had any weird face work either.
Benjy said that from the back he would put Lisa up against anyone. He said she's got an incredible ass.
Gange said that Lisa is like an old fuddy duddy. He said that he went out with her to Nobu out in Los Angeles one time and she wanted to go to bed by 8. He said that she ate next to nothing and she has no desire to experiment with food. He said that she won't drink and she's just not a wild person.
Gary said that he doesn't see Lisa letting loose and having fun. That's what Gange was basically saying. Gange said he was actually glad that Lisa was looking at him as just a friend. He wouldn't want her thinking of him in any other way.
Gange said that he doesn't think that Lisa has ever had a wild streak in her life at all. He said that he thinks that she might be making stories up when she says she has. Gange said that there's no way she's ever had sex with a guy after just a couple of dates.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he can't imagine being with someone like Lisa after hearing these stories. Jon said that there are people out there who would like what she's into. There's probably someone out there for her. The caller was saying that he's married and he and his wife have adjusted to their schedule over time. He considers himself a bore but he did have some wild times in his life.
Ronnie came in and said that Lisa made a statement about how she needs a guy ''like Howard.'' Gary said that she should have left the ''like'' out of that, she wants Howard.
Ronnie said that he would take Lisa for a ride if that's what she needs. Jon asked Ronnie if he has a thing for her. Ronnie said that Lisa makes him angry. Gary asked if he has a sexual tension with her. Ronnie said that's possible. He said that Lisa is always in everyone's business all the time. He said that she doesn't need to know what time people are doing things on their weekends and stuff. Gary said he knows what he's talking about with that. She does ask a lot of questions. Ronnie said that she's a Yenta.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie has a problem with everyone. He's always angry at everyone. Ronnie said that Lisa is so in love with Howard that she laughs at everything he says. The guys were also talking about the way she acts around Artie and how it seems like she wants to fix him.
Ronnie was also saying that Lisa is always knocking him about his age when she can't be much younger than him. He said that he knows that Lisa colors her hair with Clairol number 20. Jon had to ask him how he figured that out. Ronnie said he looked into it and found the same color of her hair. He said that he doesn't want to talk to her about that though.
Ronnie said that Lisa joked about him being old this morning and that's when he wants to come back at her with the age and hair color thing.
Ralph called in and said that he's hung out with Lisa and she's great. He said that she's pretty and she might not be willing to stay out until 4 in the morning but she's great for someone normal. He said that she's not his type though so that's why he's not trying to date her.
Ralph said that he thinks that Mike should try going out with Lisa at least once. He said he's seen Mike out and he'd be fine with Lisa.
Jon asked Ralph if he thinks that Robin sleeps. Ralph said there must be coke in those Dr. Roni drinks or something. He said that she's always running around doing all kinds of stuff and he's not sure where the energy comes from.
Jon asked Ralph if he thinks that any of the guys there are a good fit for Lisa. Ralph said no to that. He said that he doesn't think that the guys like her that much. Gary said that they all like her, they're just not into going out on a date with her.
Gary said he knows that Ronnie has a problem with Lisa because of some things that she's done to him. The other guys he's not so sure about.
Ralph said that Ronnie is just a bully. Gary told Ralph that he's a bully when he comes in with his laser pointer and picks chicks apart. Ralph said those girls are asking to be evaluated.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he was watching Howard TV last night and saw the Grillo and Gange get evicted episode and some others and he can't believe that Gange used to be a pretty good looking guy. He asked him what happened to him. Gange said it's age. Gary told the guy, who was only 22, that he's not going to look better when he gets older. Gange said he was only 24 years old in those old shows.
Jon said that they had Ross Zapin in the studio. Ross said that there's this misconception that they party all the time. Gary said that they do stay out late on the weekend. Ross said that they don't eat at 10 o'clock at night anymore. He said that he doesn't party like he used to. He was also saying that Mike isn't looking for a party girl either.
Ross said that Mike and Lisa wouldn't be a good match in his opinion. He said that they don't seem like the right match to him. He told Mike that if he wants to do it then he should give it a shot but he doesn't think it's a good match.
Jon asked Ross if he thinks that Lisa is in love with Howard. Ross said that he does believe that. He said that he doesn't think that she's waiting in the wings for Howard though. Gary said that it can kind of screw up your dating life when you're into someone that much though.
Jon said that it seems like Robin can keep up with Ross. Ross said that she's a lot of fun. Ross said that he hasn't seen Robin drink a lot but she does have fun when she goes out. They had to go to break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Lisa isn't a very sexual woman either so any guy is going to have trouble getting laid. Gary said that she doesn't come off very sexual but Jon said you never know what's going on behind the scenes. Benjy said he thinks that she would be very sexual.
Jon moved on to talk about Jim Breuer. He said that he can tell a good story. Gary said that his impressions are really good but he's telling the story that he was there for and the impressions play into that.
Jon said that Jim actually morphs into the person he's doing the impression of. Gary said that Fred is the same way and he becomes the person he's doing. He said you can really see that when he does the Kurt Waldheim impression. Gary said that he liked the stories about Jim's father and all of the guys he ran into at SNL.
Jon took a call from the guy who goofs on the Mets every day. They went through their daily ritual with that. The guy bashes the Mets no matter what Gary comes back with about the Phillies.
Another caller said that Jim Breuer is a great guest on the show and his impression of Dave Chappelle is even funnier than the real Dave Chappelle is. Gary said that story went on forever too. He said that they must have worked on that movie for months so the story went on for a long time.
The caller said that they should have Jim sit in on the show for a week like George Takei does. He thinks that would be gold. Gary said that sometimes you don't want to burn it out. He said Jim is great on the show but they might think it's too much Jim Breuer if they had him in all week long.
Another caller said that he likes Jim Breuer and the show he had on SIRIUS. He said it's a shame he's not on every day like he used to be. Jon said that he is still on Friday on Raw Dog.
Jon asked Gary why he thinks that Jim hasn't been all that successful. Gary said he's not sure. He said he didn't know just how funny he was until they got there to SIRIUS. He doesn't know why he hasn't gotten into more main stream stuff.
Gary said he thought it was odd that Jim wants to get into those kid movies like ''Meatballs.'' The guys spent a short time talking about that. they were saying that Meatballs was kind of cool when it came out but it was cool for 15 year olds.
Jon talked about how Jim was saying that he doesn't hear from many of the people he worked with at SNL. Gary said he's not even sure who he was on the show with back then. Jon named some of the people who were on with Jim and asked Gary if he still watches the show. Gary said that his TiVo recorded it last weekend and he thought that it was pretty good in the beginning but some of the stuff might be for a younger audience.
Jon talked about the old days when people would watch SNL no matter what. These days it's not like that. Benjy said that they're established now and that's why it's not that ground breaking now. He said that they still have some great comedy on the show like the Palin stuff they did last year.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Jim was a great guest today but he thinks that Jim just realized that he has to play the game to make it in show business. He said that Jim used to talk about how he didn't need an agent and stuff and now he's got an agent. That stuff he used to say may have hurt his career. Jon said that Jim was saying that Howard really helped him out with getting that agent.
Jon said that Howard is pissed about Jay and that's what this has been about since John went over to the Tonight Show.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about who picks the music that goes on before the show starts in the morning. Gary said that Fred picks that stuff. The caller said that it would be great if they could put out those songs on CD. Gary said that it would be great but it's not that easy, they can't just put it out.
Jon asked Benjy if it was cool when Fred was playing guitar and Howard was singing that Neil Young song. Benjy said that Fred is great when he plays. He said he's blown away by any special talent like that. He said he was blown away by Jim Breuer too.
Jon asked the guys about what they thought about Artie's diet and getting on this NutriSystem thing. Benjy said he thinks that its' a whole meal, not just drinks like Gary and Jon thought it was. Jon also said that Artie is starting to do push ups and sit ups. Benjy said he'd like to see him do those. Benjy was also talking about how Artie was just about falling asleep on the show today. He said that his eyes looked like he was asleep and he was struggling to keep them open the whole time.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thought that Jim was great on the show today. He said that there was a caller earlier who said that Jim can put on a bad show. Gary said that he can't imagine Jim putting on a bad show after hearing the stories he told today.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she was in this place ''Organic Avenue'' and both Tim and Robin came walking in when she was there. She said that Tim Sabean wasn't saying much but Robin and some weirdo dude were yakking it up together. She said that Robin was sitting down with the guy and she may have been helping Tim out with his diet or something.
Another caller asked Gary about Fred's performances and what his favorite has been. Gary said that they did some shows in London and Fred got in on the cover of ''Crossroads'' and Fred was playing really well that day. He also said that he was great when he sang with the guy from Grand Funk on a song. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show talking about how late his night was. He stayed up to watch American Idol to see who got kicked off. He said that now it doesn't feel so important. He said he got up this morning and he'd gotten a text from Artie bragging about how much sleep he got.
Artie said he fell asleep at 6:20 last night and slept until 3:45 this morning. Artie said he had so much energy this morning that he was either going to be really annoying or really funny today.
Howard said he told some people that Artie got sleep and some people are thinking he's just high. Howard said that he thinks that Artie is sober but others think that because of his dozing off all week that he was wasted. Fred said he thinks that it's a real sleep.
Howard said he's not going to out the people but they think that he's naive. Artie said that there is no reason to dislike those people for doing that.
Fred said that Artie is doing some different things trying to straighten out his life and Robin isn't supporting him. Robin said she's not sure he's doing any of these things he claims to be. She said that he says things that are just crazy. She said that it could be a sign that he's doing something because of the extremeness of what he's been doing. She said he's doing training, taking stress tests and all of that and he's going overboard.
Artie said he went to the dentist for the first time since 2000 yesterday. He said that he's trying to get himself fixed up like a car that has been ignored for a while. The trainer is doing all of this for him setting up all of these appointments.
Artie said that he's only had one cavity in his life. He said he didn't have anything when he went after 9 years of not going. Howard said that Artie is very lucky with all of this stuff. He does all of the drugs and doesn't die and then he doesn't go to the dentist for 9 years and doesn't have any cavities. Richard went to the dentist after not going for years and had 22.
Artie said that he can't imagine being like Richard who doesn't brush his teeth every day. Artie said that he skeeves out the mic when he goes on stage sometimes because some of the other comedians out there are just so gross. He said that he would rather yell out his act sometimes.
Artie said that he just got lucky that way with his teeth. He said that the second time he got arrested for coke out in Los Angeles he had lost money on a boxing match in Vegas. Artie said that he lost 23 grand and another 5 grand in Las Vegas. Then he did coke on the plane and could have ended up in jail for doing all of that stuff. Artie said that he had actually taken the coke on the plane with him.
Artie said that he got arrested after a 4 day binge and the doctors at the hospital told him that they had never seen so much cocaine in a person before. They said that even a horse would have been knocked out by the amount he had taken. Artie said that his agent cried when the doctors told her about that.
Howard said that he's going to believe that Artie is sober and he's just trying to get himself into shape. He said that he's supposed to start on NutriSystem today. Artie said that's not happening. He said that he's just going to eat properly instead. He said that the NutriSystem stuff is dehydrated food and he's not going to do that. He said that he's not going to bad mouth them since they used to sponsor the show. Howard said that they're not there now, he can bad mouth them if he wants.
Artie said he got some of the NutriSystem stuff at his house yesterday and he just can't do it. Artie said that he saw the lasagna and anything that doesn't need to be refrigerated he's kind of afraid of. He said he took a container of NutriSystem eggs and shook them on the phone for his mom. She told him not to put that in his body when she heard what sounded like a packet of Pop-Rocks.
Artie said that he wants his mother to stay relaxed so he's not going to eat that stuff. Artie said that his mother used to make him some great food and he'd rather do that and eat right then eat this processed stuff.
Artie said that he once lost 70 pounds in a year so he thinks that he can do this. Howard said he believes that he is clean and he's off the heroin, Subutex and all of that. Artie was eating as he was talking to him about that.
Howard said that Artie wasn't sleeping because he was getting off the Subutex. Artie cut him off and said that Robin gave him some cream for his hands. He had dry, cracking skin on his hands so Robin helped him out with that.
Howard said he thinks that Artie is getting out and getting fresh air and going to the psychiatrist and now he's in some sort of mind set to lose weight. Artie said that he's going to stay away from heroin and lose weight. Those are his two main goals.
Howard asked the guys if they wanted to come in and say that Artie is on something they can come in now. Artie said that they can spend the day with him if they want to and they'll see that he's not on anything. Artie said that this guy Mike is doing a good job helping him out. The guy doesn't want any publicity though.
Howard played ''Artie Snorts Heroin'' song parody while they were talking about that. Artie said that his shrink told him that this song in particular is the one that he should put his iPod on so he doesn't have to hear it.
Artie said that he loaned Sal 5 grand so he could do that song and not get another job. Artie said that was the day he fell off the stage at a show. Artie said that was the only time he ever gave Sal money when he needed that to go to Disney with the family.
Howard said that was the greatest piece of tape when Sal fell off the stage. Artie said that it really was a wild night when the crowd cheered that he had fallen off the stage. The Howard TV guys showed the clip of Sal falling.
Howard said he told John that he hopes that this family is doing well and hung up. He said he never heard back from John but he hopes that he's okay with all of that.
Howard said the funny thing is that someone told him not to call John and apologize to him. He said he won't say who that person is but Robin and Artie knew who it was without him even saying.
Artie said that sounds big to him and he'd love to do something like that. Howard said he likes when people leave him voice mail. Artie said he won't call Howard if he doesn't want to talk to him about something.
Gary said you can go to SlyDial.com and check out that service. Howard asked if that was Techno Beaver talking. Gary got up to come into the studio so Howard said he hates when he does that. He likes talking to him over that microphone.
Gary came in with Artie's cell phone which he left in the back of the car this morning. His driver Herb brought it up for him.
Gary said he has to show Howard an app he downloaded for his Blackberry that lets you do voice recognition for just about anything. Howard said he was talking to Rick Rubin who no longer takes phone calls and only does text. Howard said that he's an expert on Blackberry so he had him doing some Blackberry stuff with him. He said that he found out he has the old operating system on his cell phone. Rick told him that he's having issues with his phone because of the old operating system. Howard said he's all pissed now because of that.
Howard said he's not sure what to do. Gary said it's just software so they should be able to update it. Howard said that he now hates his phone because it's out of date.
Jon Hein came in and said that Howard can download the new operating system for the phone no problem. He said it just came out recently. Jon said that the new one does some new stuff but not a lot.
Howard said that Rick texted him that he wanted to go out to dinner. He said that he is willing to do that but he just doesn't want to talk to anyone on the phone. Howard said the funny thing is that he was at a party with Rick about 10 years ago and Rick was texting people at the party even though he was at the party. Everyone was texting each other and no one was talking.
Gary said that he was in the green room with Russell Simmons one time and he had a blackberry with a head set on and he thought he was talking to him. The guy told him to be quiet because he was on the phone. He said that a short time later Simmons told him that he was talking to him but he wasn't able to tell the difference.
Gary said that the Techno Beaver thing isn't happening yet. He said that the CW 11 people haven't gotten back to him yet. Howard told him that he should just show up in the outfit without telling them. Howard said that's the same channel that hired a Playboy chick to be their weather girl. Gary said she's cute too.
Howard said that he made that phone call to John and he really didn't think he had to do that. Artie said he didn't think he would even consider making that call. Howard said he did feel kind of bad about it so he made the call.
Howard said that you have to hear the whole thing so he was going to play it all for Robin. The clip starts off with the announcer talking about Billy Bob's new album and about his acting career. Howard said he will try to get some of that music so they can hear it after playing this. He's in a band called The Boxmasters. Fred said they actually had that in their system.
The interviewer asks Billy Bob and his band mates about the three albums they've put out and Billy Bob gives the guy a hard time when he's answering. The other guys in the band answer some of the questions instead.
The interviewer asked if they learned anything from Willie Nelson since they were on tour with him. Billy Bob said that he had only met him once.
Howard said that the announcer was trying to work with Billy Bob but he wasn't cooperating with him. Howard said that he'd just kick the guy out of the studio if he was acting like that in there. Howard said he'd like to know why they're all whispering in the interview too. Artie said he knew a guy who worked on ''Sling Blade'' and did some of the sound work. He said they had a hard time with it because Billy Bob has an insane fear of antique furniture and midgets. He said that it's a real thing and the guy he knew was trying to work with him and there was something in the studio that could have been antique so he refused to do the post production work in that room.
Howard said that things get weirder and weirder and it gets really confrontational. He played some more of the interview and the interviewer asked the band about what they were influenced by and things like that. Howard said that these guys aren't like the Beatles or anything so no one really cares about that stuff. He said that it's a joke and laughable.
The interviewer asked Billy Bob what his musical influences were as a kid. Billy said that he liked baseball. Then he went off on a tangent talking about a magazine he subscribed to and how they had a model building contest. Howard said that this guy sounds like such a sad human being. Billy Bob said he entered one of those contests for the models and it was a big thing for him when he was a kid. The interviewer asked how music fit into that explanation.
Billy Bob started to get confrontational with the guy because he wasn't supposed to mention that he was an actor. The guy said he was just trying to add context to the interview. The guy asked Billy Bob if he would like him not to mention at all that he acts, directs and writes. Billy Bob said that's what he would like.
The interviewer said that he thought that they got the attention that they got because of what Billy Bob had done. Billy Bob said that the band wasn't that new and they had put out 8 albums so they've got a career. Billy Bob said that they were told not to talk about that and not to say that this was his first love.
The interviewer asked Billy Bob if he wanted to continue the interview if they just talked about music. Billy Bob said that would be great. The interviewer said that he would like to ask him about music but he wasn't sure he wanted to answer.
Howard stopped the clip and asked the guys if they were into this. Robin and Artie said that they were fascinated by it. Howard said that he only had about 50 seconds left of it. He said that Billy Bob was asking the guy if he would treat Tom Petty like he was but Billy Bob isn't like Tom Petty so no one gives a shit. He said that Billy Bob did one great movie and then screwed up with a lot of other stuff in his life.
JD said that he thinks that Billy Bob might be pulling a Joaquin Phoenix kind of thing in this clip. He said that he's seen him do other interviews where he doesn't act so douchy so he might be putting this on. Howard asked if everyone out there is trying to prank people now.
Howard played the rest of the interview. Billy Bob and the band were going to play a song but then Billy Bob said they weren't going to play drums because they don't carry that around at that time of morning. The band ended up doing a song without Billy Bob playing drums.
Howard asked to hear some of this music. Fred played one of their songs and it sounded a little Tom Petty like. Howard listened to that for a short time and said it wasn't horrible but it was just ''nothing.'' He said it wasn't really catchy but it wasn't embarrassingly bad either.
Howard said that he does have this weird fear with the dog where he has to wash his hands after petting the dog because he's afraid he'll touch his own hair and go bald. Artie asked what the link is there. Howard said it doesn't make any sense but it's part of his OCD.
The caller said that he has to wipe his dog sometimes if he has a bad one. Howard said his dog can't reach around and lick her own asshole so that's why he has to help her out. He said that she's such a good little dog.
Artie said Norm had an assistant in L.A. and she had a dog that didn't lick it's ass. He said he loved that dog and didn't mind it licking him. Then he saw that dog licking another dog's asshole so he had to boil his fucking head.
Howard took a call from this guy who calls him every day with Imus references. Howard said that he can't stand that. He took another call from a guy who wondered what was wrong with that guy. Howard said that maybe he's trying to be like Richard and Sal with his prank calls.
The caller was saying that Howard might be gayer than Barrett Long having gay sex because he watched American Idol. Howard said that he kind of likes that show and some of the people are big stars from being on the show and he's thinking that someone might be able to become a big star and he's interested in that.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about the stuff that was going on last night on Idol. He said that he loved watching that stuff. The caller asked Artie if he was glad that he didn't know what Howard was talking about. Artie said he guesses so. He said he gets why Howard is into it though. It matters to Howard.
Another caller said that Beth had a second girl crush and it was Katherine Moening from The L Word and Beth also likes Gwyneth Paltrow and they're actually cousins. Howard said that he had some of the Gwyneth Paltrow spaghetti last night and it was even better left over. He said that he heard that the web site they got it off of isn't even run by Paltrow.
Howard said he went home and watched the Mike and Juliet Show since Beth was on it yesterday morning. Howard said they were moving too quick with the segments they do on the show. Howard said that they could have been more successful if they didn't rush like that. He said they didn't allow for any interview time.
Howard said that Beth shot a pilot for a show where she's the host but he's not supposed to talk about that. He said that Beth isn't even sure that anything is going to come of it.
the caller went off on Howard for saying the word ''ruin'' the wrong way. He said it drives him nuts. Howard said that he does a 5 hour show every day and he's talking like a normal human being so he can keep calling in with that stuff if he wants.
Howard took another call from a guy, George, who asked what the update was on the X-Men movie. Howard said that he still didn't get it. The guy said that he hopes it got lost in the mail. George is the guy who mailed him the bootleg copy of the movie.
Howard said he just looked up the word ''ruin'' and the way he says it is an acceptable way of saying it. He said that if he says ''rune'' then it's still correct. The caller earlier was upset that he was saying it like ''rune.''
George asked Howard for some advice on his dog that used to be beaten by the previous owners. Howard said he doesn't know enough about them to give advice on that. He told the guy to wait for Beth to ask her how to take care of something like that.
Howard said that Beth was doing something for a zoo yesterday and she's going to help solve a problem that they're having with animals that need to be placed. Howard said that Beth likes to help out with stuff like that.
Robin said that she heard a Howard 100 News interview with Suzanne Muldowny (Underdog Lady) and she was talking about art projects for Easter and they sounded awful to her.
Howard said he was very busy with TV yesterday. He watched the pilot for her show and she thought she looked terrible in her outfit. Howard said she looked so good that all he wanted to do was fuck. He said that he wanted her after that and told her to put that dress on and walk in there and he'd follow her around like a dog. He said he kind of digs that she thinks she doesn't look good. Howard said that's hot and he loves it. He said he didn't end up getting laid though. Howard said that he went to bed after American Idol since it was so late.
Howard took a call from a guy whose phone connection was awful. The guy asked Howard if he watched the Bubba Raw 3 video. Howard said he hasn't seen it yet but Doug Goodstein told him that it was the best of the bunch. He said he heard about some of the crazy stuff they do and he'll be watching it this weekend.
Howard said that the zoo thing was about the Central Park Zoo. He said that they've trained the monkey's to paint there. They teach all of the animals art there. Even the alligators paint. Howard asked what the point of all of that was. Howard said she told him it's all about training. He said that they don't scold any of the animals, it's all about giving them positive reactions when they do something right. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Tim wants them to twitter. He said he might twitter over vacation. Gary said that he's going to do it too. Howard said it sounds kind of pussyish to him. He said that Gary will talk about what's going on in the studio and stuff.
Howard asked why they're doing this. He said it's cool and maybe he'll Twitter over his phone. Tim told Howard that he can send out tweets if he wants to do that from his phone. Tim said they're just going to keep people up to date on what they're doing. Howard said that Tim told him that they're trying to ''expand the brand'' and things like that.
Howard said that he wants to be able to do that but his phone won't let him because of the old software he had in the phone. He said that he wants a brand new phone. Howard said he's going to Apple after this.
Gary said that they sent heir first ''tweet'' which was that they're officially on Twitter. Howard said that he just saw that the logo is cut off on there. He said that if they're into it that much then why didn't they do that right? Howard said it's already lame. Tim said that they're going to fix it.
Howard said he thinks it's funny that their twitter already sucks. He said that Gary posted a lame ''tweet.'' He said that whole ''tweet'' thing sounds very gay too. Tim said that if you click on the logo it goes to full size. Howard told him to go work on that.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. He said that the fans wanted her theme song back. They had stopped it while they were trying to get her a date. Lisa said that she's willing to twitter from the bathroom if they want. Artie ended up throwing his Burrito at her when she talked about the shitting thing.
Lisa said that today is the 1 year anniversary of Artie freaking out and throwing stuff. She also said that she was talking to people at the Mike and Juliet show about Beth. She was in the audience there. Howard said that she had her glasses off while she was there.
Howard had Jeff Jarvis on the phone. He welcomed Howard to Twitter since everyone else is on there. Jeff told him to Twitter and get it out there. Howard said that they already had 664 people following them on Twitter. Jeff told Howard how great he thinks the service is because it's so up to date.
Jeff was telling Howard that he should have ''Baba Beaver'' go and get him a name on Twitter so the fans will know it's actually him. Gary told Jeff that he's actually ''Gary.'' Jeff apologized for that.
Howard said that he'd like to know how Robin is signed up for Twitter already. Robin said that she signed up as RQUI on there. Sal said that Howard's name is already taken. Everyone's name on there is already taken. He said that none of their names are available.
Howard and the guys spent a little more time talking about the Twitter thing. Howard said that it was Tim's idea to do all of that. Jeff said that they really should be using it. He said that it's a great thing to do. Howard said that he doesn't want to be Twittering all day long and posting pictures and stuff. Howard asked if he can put video up there. Jeff said that he can post links to video. He has no idea how much of a pain in the ass it's going to be. Howard will probably give up on ''Tweeting'' himself after a day.
Howard asked Gary how much he's Twittered so far. He was afraid that he was going to get caught up with it and he won't have time to do the show. Howard said he can't even get a hold of Gary. Gary said that they've only done two. Howard said it's already lame.
Lisa G said that Robin has never been mentioned in Ebony magazine so they asked the magazine why that is. They got a written statement that a photo of Robin was in Jet magazine in 2007. She said that they also had a photo of her in a 1998 issue of Ebony. She said that they don't have an explanation why they've never written about her being one of the most successful black women in history. Howard said that he'd like to know why that is. He said that she's been on a number one show for all these years and they don't write about it. He said they must think that they're too controversial for society or something.
Howard said that he does like Jimmy and he wants to help him out. Howard said that he is the one who should be hosting the Larry King Show, not Jimmy. Howard said that his agent said that they've kind of asked him to do it. Howard said that he doesn't really want to do that either. He said he likes that he can get the job but he's passing on it. Artie said that's pretty funny that he does that.
Howard said he would like Billy Bob Thornton as his guest if he hosted the Larry King Show. He said that he'd love to talk to him about his music. Robin said he could make them the house band for a week like Letterman did with U2.
Howard asked Fred for some more of The Boxmasters songs. Fred played another one of their songs and the guys seemed to think it was pretty bad. Howard said the singing was pretty awful.
Fred read off some of the other song titles and Howard picked one to hear. The song sounded very much like the one they had just listened to. Howard said it sounds like the band is really good but the songs aren't that great.
Howard said he saw that they may have covered a Who song. Fred wasn't able to find that so he played another one instead. It was just a country song that Howard thought was kind of boring. Howard said that he could write a song just as good as that if he had a country song bed.
Robin said she hated to interrupt but ''energetic Artie'' was already sleeping. Artie said he wasn't sleeping.
Fred played some generic country music for Howard and he made up some lyrics to show that he could do a song as good as The Boxmasters. Howard sang about how he met Fred in Hartford and how they clicked. He gave the history of their relationship and just made it all up off the top of his head.
Howard said that it wasn't that much worse than the Boxmasters stuff. Artie said that it was better. He made up some more lyrics himself.
Howard said he wishes he knew what he just did. Artie said that he liked how he referenced Jackie without explaining who he was. Howard said he just blew right by Jackie in that song. Howard said that he's going to put that song on and he'll have some more songs about things from the show for their new album. Howard had to go to break after that.
After the break we heard a prank call that the guys made to a woman using Crazy Alice audio clips. Fred also played a Baba Booey song parody to the tune of ''Monday, Monday.'' Fred played Tom Petty's ''I Won't Back Down'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back from break and said that he likes that Tom Petty song. He became a big fan of his when he saw him in concert a couple of years ago. Fred said that Tom has a show on SIRIUS where he plays other people's music and the show is really good.
Gary said he had a bunch of Boxmasters cover songs for him to play if he wanted. Howard asked Robin if she wanted to hear them. He played a couple of short clips of each of the cover songs that Gary had found and they were pretty bad. They covered The Beatles and some other stuff. Howard said that maybe this is all one big goof.
Howard said he gave Jon Hein a video to post on their Twitter thing. They have to put it on the web page and then Twitter it. Howard said they're developing new technology all the time.
Howard said that yesterday they played some audio of President Obama talking to the troops over in Iraq and they didn't know what the people were saying. They were actually saying ''HUAA'' and not booing the guy. Howard said that he got an e-mail about that and the guy corrected him for being so ignorant. Howard said that people love to rub stuff in his ass when he doesn't know one thing.
Howard read the one e-mail from the guy who asked for Lisa G's song parody to be brought back. The guy threatened to cancel his accounts if they didn't bring it back.
Howard said that someone pointed out that Beth's co-host on the Mike and Juliet Show kept putting his hand on her leg. Howard said he didn't notice that and didn't feel threatened by that guy.
Howard read an e-mail from a guy who said that he's the one who has been sending in the prank e-mails at the Regis and Kelly show. The guy said that he's been putting in a lot of work getting those names read on there so he asked Howard not to tell Kelly.
Howard played some of the clips from the Regis and Kelly Show where they read some of those fake names. Names like Clea Torres, Fawn Delmajunk and Mia Luftik.
Howard said that was Hate Man wailing on him. He didn't get why he was calling him a ''nig*er lover'' the way he was. He wasn't sure how that came up. Howard
Howard played another one where Hate Man talks about what Robin should do in that booth and how she should read the news with her pants down and her pussy right on the glass. Then he said he would come in there and pound her hole while she reads those stories. He went off on her talking about her nig*er cunt over and over again. He called her the N-word about 10 times at the end of the call.
The guys talked about some of the references Hate Man made in that clip. After that Howard played a prank call the guys made to a phone sex line using some Hate Man clips. Artie said that's one of his favorites. The phone sex woman just takes all of the insults and N-word references without a problem.
Howard said that he was demonstrating to Scott DePace how to say ''No!'' to your dog in a barking way. He said that Richard took those clops and put them in some heavy metal song. He played that and asked Robin if she liked it. Robin barked out ''No!''
Howard asked Jon how the video thing was going. Gary said it's not as easy as they thought it would be. Howard told them to forget it then. He said it wasn't a big deal. Howard said they could put it on the web site and put it on Twitter. Jon said that they just have to wait for it to get it up on the web site. Doug Hurwitt was having a problem getting the video up there. Howard said they were able to send the video out there in three seconds but they have to put it on his web site before they link to it.
Jon told Howard that he can Twitter from his phone now. Howard said he may do that this weekend. He said that he'll see what happens this weekend with that.
Howard said that Artie is good about keeping in touch with him now that he's messaging him on his phone. Robin said that she's afraid to send Howard a message because it might be too boring.
Artie said that Howard told him that he was into some heavy stuff lately in therapy. Howard said he broke down and cried again. He said that his therapist got him and he didn't want to go back again after that. Howard said it turns out he does have some feelings.
Artie asked if he ever socializes with his shrink. Howard said that would screw things up. Robin said her therapist listened to the show once and that screwed things up for them. Howard said he asked his therapist if he ever saw his movie. Howard said that his therapist didn't say anything to him. He made a face or something that cracked Robin and Artie up.
Robin said that her therapist actually got out of the business so that's why she stopped going. She said that she tried someone else but it didn't work for her.
Howard said he talks to his therapist about movies and TV shows and he knows nothing about any of that stuff. Artie said he'd like to know who his shrink socializes with as a curiosity thing.
Howard said he has asked his therapist if he knows who Robin is and the guy wonders why he keeps testing him like that. Howard said he's not even supposed to talk about that stuff on the show.
Howard said that Mary has the kids down in New Mexico with her. He said he has to ask her about all of that. Will said she wasn't on the phone yet.
Robin said that she figured something out about parenthood. She said that you don't owe kids anything once you get them there. Howard and Artie told her she sounded nuts saying that. Howard said that's wrong. He told her that she's very healthy in a sarcastic way.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard should have a couple thousand Twitter followers today and they can follow the people over the phone and it's just like one big text messaging pyramid scheme. Howard said that he doesn't care. He just wants Tim to get off his back about ''synergy'' because he's going to throw up if he hears that word again.
Howard had Mary McCormack on the phone. He said that they're Blackberry friends and they message each other. Mary said she's a big Blackberry person.
Howard said that Mary's show ''In Plain Sight'' is coming back for a second season. He said that he was thinking how weird it must be for her to shoot the show for 7 months in New Mexico while her husband produces ''Brothers and Sisters'' in L.A. Howard said he has nothing to do with the kids for that 7 months.
Mary said that her kids are 4 and 1 and the set up isn't ideal. Howard said he doesn't like to think of Mary with kids because it takes away some of the hotness. Mary said she was only 28 when they met. Howard said she wasn't married then either. Howard said that she never should have told him she was married. He said he'd Blackberry her even more if she wasn't.
Howard asked when the husband gets there when he visits. She said he comes every weekend on Friday night. Howard said he gets to see the kids on Saturday and Sunday and he must bang her on Saturday. Howard asked if he ever comes to New Mexico and bangs her every weekend or are they too tired. Mary said there are weekends that they're too tired. Mary said that they try to get it done but sometimes they just can't do it.
Howard asked how he packs in all of the stuff he has to during the weekend. Mary said that they actually do the Skype thing to keep in touch during the week.
Howard said that Mary's husband has a great set up. He said that the guy says that the set up is awful but he knows that the guy loves it. Mary has to take care of the kids and he's got the house all to himself. Mary said that he really is living the life.
Howard asked if Mary gets resentful. Mary said she doesn't. Howard told her not to give him the horse shit interview. She said that it's obviously not ideal but she doesn't have that big of a problem with it.
Howard said he never thought that Mary had any mothering instincts and he never imagined her to have kids. Robin said that she always heard that Mary was very self absorbed. Howard said that she was. He said that now he thinks that she's a good mother.
Howard asked Mary if she still has that hot nanny working with her. She said that she does. Howard said that when he invites Mary over to his place she brings like 50 people with her. Howard said it was a great day when they came over to visit. Howard said he thought it was nice she brought the hot nanny with her though.
Mary said she can't believe that Howard thinks she's self absorbed. Howard said that she is but you have to be when you're a big star like her. Howard said that Amanda Peet is so self absorbed too. He said that it's not like Mary, Mary is healthy.
Mary said that her husband is going to direct an episode of her show and she's never worked with him like that before. Mary said that she had to do a kissing scene in another episode and her husband, Michael, went home early that night. Howard said that Mary might be into that guy since she doesn't see her husband.
Howard asked Mary if she gets horny while her husband isn't around. She said that she does miss her husband. Howard asked if she pleasures herself. Mary said that she does that all the time. She was joking around though. Mary said that she doesn't have phone sex because she's so busy with everything else.
Howard asked Mary what she was wearing. She had cut off sweat pants, Ugg boots and a sweat shirt. Howard asked if she had underwear on. She said she didn't. Howard said that she wasn't doing very good with the phone sex thing. Howard asked if she does anything crazy with her husband. She said that she is his wife so she does stuff but she's not into the phone sex thing.
Howard said that he and Beth don't do that either. He said he'd feel stupid doing that. He said Beth would probably leave him if he did that anyway.
Howard said that Mary might be making more money than her husband is. Mary said that she might be doing a little better. Howard said that she's doing this ''In Plain Sight'' which has it's second season premiere on April 19th on USA Network. Howard said it was the number one cable show last year so she has to be doing good with that.
Howard said that TV is where the money is at. Artie said that TV these days gets credit like films used to. Howard asked if she can go to the writers and say that her character wouldn't say stuff. She said that they're pretty much in sync and she loves the writing on the show. She said that it's really good stuff.
Howard said her show is good and he would tell her if it was shit. Ronnie came in and said he saw the first two episodes of the show. He said that the sister on the show is smokin' hot. He told Mary that they have to stop that and get her back in the hot outfits again. Mary said she would do that.
Ronnie said he likes the way they picked up from last season with her and he liked what he saw. He said that Mary looked awesome too. Ronnie said that her boobs seem to get bigger too. He said that they have a shower scene in one of the episodes and that was good too.
Howard said that Mary was supposed to take her top off in his movie but she didn't want to do it. Howard said that he was supposed to see her boobs but not the camera. He said that he would have liked it if she had done that but Betty (Thomas) told him that Mary didn't want to do it so they let her keep her shirt on. Howard said he was bummed about that. Mary said that it was fine that she wore a tank top because there were plenty of other women who took their tops off. Howard said he likes it better when the woman who doesn't want to get naked has to get naked.
Howard said that Betty said they could have forced the issue but they didn't bother. Ronnie said that Mary did a scene like that on her show last season. Mary said that she did do that and her co-star may have seen some side tittage or something.
Robin said that the only boobs Howard didn't get to see in that movie were the woman playing his wife. Howard said Betty should have just gotten the shirt off and not bothered him with that.
Howard gave Mary some more plugs for the show and Ronnie told her that it's really a great show. That led to Howard talking about how Ronnie got beat up by Mary one time. Ronnie said that she gave him a sneak attack and they were just goofing around. Howard said that Mary took him down and put him in a head lock in 3 seconds when she found out that he was his security guy. Ronnie said it was a surprise. Ronnie said that her show sucks after they talked about that.
Artie said you know you're in trouble when a pretty actress in Hollywood has to say that your security guy can beat her up. Howard let Mary go a short time later.
Howard said he has the feeling that she and her husband can't be doing very well right now because of their set up. Howard said that the husband may have it made but she has to be angry that she has to take care of the kids. Howard said she's raising those kids 7 months out of a year all by herself. Howard said that she must be upset about that.
Howard said Mary really is a doll. He said he would have liked to have gotten into her pants but he was married at the time they were making the movie and he was making the movie about his great marriage. Howard said that it would have looked bad if he had started dating his movie wife. Fred said that wouldn't have been the first time it happened with an actor.
Fred said that he was looking at the cast of Brothers and sisters and wondering who Michael might cheat with. He said that he wouldn't be into a lot of the people but there was at least one hot actress on the show. Robin said that the guys are all too needy. She said that she doesn't need that like they do.
Howard said that Robin wants to present an image like she doesn't need that but he thinks that she really does. Fred said that he thought Robin tossed Mr. Big Balls (Jim Florentine) because he wanted to go off on his own and do his thing and Robin thought he wasn't around enough. Robin said that wasn't the case at all. Fred said he didn't want to say who his sources were because then they'd dry up.
Howard said the point he was making was that a woman like Mary is going to have some anger about being alone and raising the kids. Howard said that they know that they're in that kind of situation but Mary has to be upset about it in some way. Robin said that there are people who have bi-coastal relationships and it works out just fine.
Howard told Gary to create a Facebook page for the listeners to use. He said that they can throw the video up there and twitter that. Gary said he would start working on that right now. Howard said that it has to be easy to do that. He said that he can't believe they can't get the video up on his own web site. Gary said they were surprised too.
Howard said he doesn't even want to put that video up there now. He said he thought it would be cool but now it's not working out the way he thought.
Eric asked Howard if he had seen the new show ''The Unusuals'' that Amber Tamblin is on. Howard said he used to watch her on Joan of Arcadia. He said that his TV tastes are very feminine.
Howard asked Eric if his main thrust in life is watching TV. Eric said he does watch a lot. He said it's probably 8 hours a day or so.
Howard said it's hard for Eric to do other things so he has to watch TV. Eric said he reads about entertainment stuff and things that catch his attention. Howard said that he can't imagine what Eric would do all day if he didn't have TV.
Artie said that people probably used to read or just die. He said that TV is the perfect invention for people like Eric. Howard said that Eric probably would have been in the circus or something as ''Turkey Boy.''
Eric said that Johnny was going to call in with an announcement today but he sprained his ankle. Artie kept telling Eric ''Thanks for calling!'' and got him off the phone as quickly as possible.
Howard let Eric go in the middle of a plug he was trying to get in. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and took a call from a guy who said that he lives Tim Sabean but Twittering is stupid. Howard said he agrees. He said that some people enjoy getting updates though. The caller said that Tim is doing all of this new stuff and this seems really lame to him.
Howard said that Tim was all excited about the 2700 people they got but that isn't a big number. He said that they will get bored with that soon and they'll slow down with the twittering stuff. He said Tim will be running around complaining about how no one is Twittering.
Robin said that there are people out there who say that they have problems with the internet feed lately. Howard said he doesn't know about that. Howard said that the web site wasn't even able to post the video up on his own web site.
Ralph called in and said the Twittering thing is kind of gay. Ralph said that they're driving traffic to another site when they should keep it all on his own. Howard said he knows, it's all Tim wanting to do this stuff. He's just doing it to keep him quiet.
Another caller said that Jeff the Drunk was on the phone complaining about the baseball thing yesterday. The guy said that all of the XM people got some cool stuff but they can't get baseball from XM like XM can get NFL football. The guy said that the SIRIUS subscribers got fucked in this deal. The caller said that they can't do it for some reason and it's pissing off the fans who want it.
Howard said baseball should reconsider that and let them do it. He said that he'll get right on that after he Twitters. Howard said he's really going to find out what's up with that.
Robin asked Howard if it was tough for his wife when he had the love scenes in his movie. Howard said that he was a professional so there were no problems... for him.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his Howard 100 News preview. Steve said they have a story about a guy who is going to be keeping track of Robin's twitter feed for the fans. Steve said they also have a story about Dick Cheney's dealing with the Geo Group who ran the prison where Kenneth Keith Kallenbach died.
Steve said they had an interview with a Marine who has been listening to the show in Japan while he's stationed over there. They also have a story about a horse named ''Baby Gorilla'' won a race this week. Steve also mentioned that they have the ''Fight Week'' specials coming up next week while the show is on vacation. The special is hosted by Scott Ferrall.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. He ran down his list of subjects and they ended up talking about Mary McCormack for a short time during that. Howard also played some Wrap Up Show clips. He had one where Gary got mad at Ralph for getting under his skin when he was making fun of him for not knowing that much about the stuff he talks about sometimes.
Gary said that he had that other clip from the Wrap Up Show where a listener talked about seeing Robin and Tim at an organic food place. Robin said that Tim brought her there. The caller had said that Robin was very loud and everyone there knew it was her.
Jon said there was another clip where Ronnie knew what kind of hair care products Lisa G used. Howard said that was a good one and played that as well.
Jon finished up his show preview and then Howard played another clip from yesterday's Wrap Up Show where Gary talked about what he had heard about Robin not sleeping much anymore.
Robin said she went to bed at 11 last night and got up at 3:30. She said she doesn't nap during the day either. Howard said that sounds crazy to him. Robin said she laughs at Artie when he complains about not being able to stay up. Artie said he knows he's an out of shape slob.
Howard said that he thinks that Robin stopped going to her shore house and stays in the city now because she's on this man hunt and there are more men in the city. Artie said he can't wait to get to his house at the shore and he may commute from there this summer. Robin said the trip was 2 hours for her from her shore house. Artie said he's about an hour and a half.
Howard asked Jon if he was done. Jon mentioned that Robin always has the energy even though she doesn't sleep much. Howard said that it's amazing that she can do that but it's also crazy.
Robin started her news and read about Lindsay Lohan's break up and told Artie he should try dating her now that she's single. Robin said that Lindsay is upset about her break up with Samantha Ronson. Howard said that she must eat a mean pussy if she's jonesing for her.
Howard and the guys spent a short time talking about Lindsay and how bad they feel for her and the way her life has been so far. Artie said that she seems like a good actress from what he's seen. He said that she somehow turned into this crazy person though. He said that she has some talent.
Robin read about Howard K. Stern's court date being postponed until May 13th. Howard said that he just wants Howard K. Stern to go away already. Robin had some audio clips of a guy talking about the case and how they're going after the wrong people because Anna Nicole Smith was able to choose what she wanted to do, they didn't make her do the drugs.
Howard said that he can't believe that they're going after them for this because she was a disturbed woman. He said that Stern may have been assisting her, allegedly, but he probably just wanted to please her. He said he just wants them to take Stern out of the news.
Robin read a story about a woman jumping to her death and landing on a 17 year old kid at a mall. The 56 year old woman threw herself over the railing on the third floor and landed on the kid. Howard said that it's so wrong for people to do stuff like that. Robin said that the woman died at the scene but the 17 year old kid lived.
Artie said that he knew a guy who slid off the escalator 3 stories and he ended up being completely fine. He was drunk at the time. The guy ended up dying of cancer later on.
Robin had some audio of someone talking about the 17 year old having the woman land on him. Howard said he didn't know they had massage chairs at the mall now. Robin said that they do and you can get a rub down in the middle of the mall. Artie said they have people sitting in those things after they're all sweaty and all they change is the paper on the chairs.
Robin asked Artie why he'd get into a pool if he thinks that way. Artie said that his pool is very clean down at the shore house. He said that it won't be that clean this year though. He said it's going to be filled with sperm and the tears of a stripper that took a wrong turn in her life.
Robin read a story about woman who had doctors save the sperm of her dying son so she could have the grandchild that he always wanted.
Ralph said that the mall by his mother, down in Florida, has some nice chairs and couches so people can lounge out and watch TV in the middle of the mall. Howard said that down in Florida things are great because you can go to a movie at any time of the day. He said that there in the city you almost need a reservation to see a movie.
Howard said that he used to go to Sarasota, Florida a lot and he used to want to rush to get there and the places are usually empty.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and went off on Robin for sitting in the middle of the mall getting a massage. She said that's the narcissism coming out. Howard let her go pretty quick after that.
Robin read some news about the earthquake over in Italy and how Madonna gave half a million dollar to help out over there. They also talked about Madonna trying to save the kid in Malawi. They were wondering if Madonna is going to keep up with that kid to find out how the kid is doing. Howard said that he doesn't know this Madonna but he thinks that she's not doing this for publicity like some people think she is.
Howard said that some people are saying that Madonna is doing this like she's shopping for designer clothing and that's not what he thinks at all. He said that Madonna is just trying to take care of a kid who has a shitty life.
Robin read some more details about the earthquake in Italy. Howard interrupted and said that he had just drawn a beard and moustache on a picture of Woody Allen and he looked much better like that.
Robin read a story about a guy who tried to break into Jamie Foxx's hotel room last week. She said that the guy is psychotic. Foxx was able to keep the door closed when the guy tried to break in.
Robin had some news about Tiger Woods getting back to golf. She also had some news about a new Chia Pet that's being made in the image of President Obama. The Chia pet will grow an afro when you sprinkle it with water.
Robin read about Michelle Obama being very popular in polls. Robin had some news about some stuff going on over in Pakistan. She said that there were some people kidnapped over there and she said she didn't even know about that story. The guy is back with his family after a 2 month ordeal in Pakistan. The guy was found on the side of a road in Pakistan.
Howard asked what's going on with Lisa Ling's sister over in North Korea. Robin said that she's still locked up as far as she knows. Fred played some of Fred the Elephant Boy's Korean guy impression. Howard said they should call North Korea and try to get her released with those clips.
Robin read about the kids who are sending pictures to other kids on their phones and how they can be charged with child pornography if they get caught. Robin read a story about a 14 year old who sent naked pictures to her boyfriend and then accidentally sent it out to others.
Robin said that Oprah's name is being used in a scam where people are being told they can win a million bucks. Robin said that they claim that Oprah is going to be running a new reality show and you can buy tickets from these people. It's a scam though. Oprah has told her fans that they don't ever charge for tickets for her show.
Robin read about Passover celebrations that are going to be going on at the White House this week. Robin had some news about the Somali pirates that took over an American container ship. They took the captain of that ship.
Robin asked Howard if he's been watching ''Lost'' lately. Howard said he has them on his TiVo but he's given up on watching. Robin said that they're doing time travel stuff on the show now.
Robin talked about last night's American Idol show and who got eliminated. Howard said it was the blind kid and that was pretty rough. They played audio of Ryan Seacrest announcing it was Scott and Howard ended up goofing on him for stretching that out so long. He sarcastically said that Seacrest is such an amazing announcer.
Robin had some audio of Kelly Pickler singing on the show last night. Howard said it appears she has had some plastic surgery and it's very disturbing. Howard said he didn't know she was such a big star in the country music world. Fred ended up playing some cat hissing sounds as that song was playing. That got Artie laughing.
Robin had some news about Brown University not celebrating Columbus Day anymore. They're going to call it the ''Fall Holiday'' instead.
Robin read a story about Ray Liotta doing the ''Observe and Report'' movie. She had some audio of him talking about that experience. That led to the guys talking about Liotta in Goodfellas and then playing some of the music from the soundtrack of that movie. Fred played some of the Harry Nilsson music and Artie talked about some of the scenes he liked and gave all of the details from those. They talked about how great the movie was.
Robin said that President Obama's science director is talking about doing stuff like blocking the sun to stop global warming. Howard said that they could probably do that and stop the ice caps from melting. Howard said that they've been thinking backwards all this time. They need to get rid of the moon and they could forget about gravity and things like that.
Robin said that this guy is talking about blocking the sun with a ''volcano in the sky'' that would block the sun but it could also cause some other problems. Howard said it would probably end up being the apocalypse but what are the odds of that happening?
Artie told the guys to go on the computer and google ''Subutex'' to see the side effects of that stuff. He said that it's like 18 pages of side effects.
Howard said that it sounds like they may have to impeach Obama for even entertaining the thought of blocking the sun.
Robin read a story about a video that's going to be made into a movie. She said that it's the Dragon Ball video game that's being made. Howard said that he has a wicked case of Dragon Balls. They joked about that for a few minutes making ball jokes.
Robin read some news about a new movie that Zach Effron is in. She had some audio of him talking about that. Howard had to cut him off and ended up playing some Goodfellas clips instead. He played the scene that Artie was talking about earlier. That got Artie doing his Ray Liotta/Henry Hill impression some more.
Robin had some audio of Matthew Perry talking about working with Zach Effron. Howard said that they shouldn't even be allowed to be interviewed.
Howard said that they finally got his video up on his web site. He said that it only took 7 hours. The video is only 10 seconds long.
Artie talked about how he heard that Matthew Perry had invented ''Matt Speak'' which was basically just sarcasm. He said that Norm worked with him and they made a big deal out of it because it was like Matthew had invented sarcasm.
Howard played some more clips from Goodfellas after that. They played the scene where Pesci's character is told to go home and get his shine box. They listened to that whole scene. Howard said that you realize that 90 percent of the mob is just guys mouthing off to each other. Artie said that those guys have to be unbelievably brilliant guys and that's the kind of stuff they end up doing.
Robin read a story about the 50th anniversary of the song ''Venus'' by Frankie Avalon. Howard said he was on American Idol last night. He said he looked like he was Frankie Avalon's grandfather though. They wrapped up a short time later and ended the show around 10:45am.
Gary talked about the crazy schedule they had when they were working on that movie. Gary said that Howard had his own apartment at the set over at Silvercup Studios and he had to sleep there every night so he could get to work in the morning.
Gary said that he met Mary for the first time and telling her that her life was going to change forever when she joined the Stern Show family like that. She didn't even know the show at the time.
Jon and Gary talked about how they've seen more of Mary in her TV show than they saw in the movie. She didn't reveal much in the movie.
Jon asked how difficult it is to be in that environment and how someone like Mary can handle a relationship when she's so far from her husband. Gary said that she may understand how that whole thing has to work and she may be able to handle it. Jon said he wouldn't want his wife being away from him for 7 months. Gary said that he wouldn't want that either.
Benjy said he thinks that Howard may have been right about Mary and her husband having problems with their relationship. Benjy thought that she was hinting to something in the conversations that there may be something wrong.
Jon asked Gary what he thought about Robin talking about how not everyone needs a relationship where they're together all the time. Gary said that she might be right about that. Gary said that when you go away for a long time it can be very difficult though. He said that guys who go off to war sometimes get that ''Dear John'' letter where their wives call it off.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that this Seth Rogen guy can't be playing the Green Hornet and he wondered why Jon didn't say something about that when he was on the show. Jon said he wasn't part of the interview and he's also a big fan of his going back to ''Freaks and Geeks.'' The caller said that a Harrison Ford type should be playing that part. He said that it should be played by a sophisticated guy like Ford or George Clooney. Gary said that Clooney is too old to play that part too. The caller said that he can't believe that he's playing that part. Jon said that they'll have to see how the movie turns out.
The caller asked Gary who was supposed to play Howard's wife in the movie before Mary got the part. Gary said he didn't know who that was. He said that Mary wasn't sure if she should take the part though. She had to bounce the idea off some people on the show she was working on at the time. That show was ''Murder One.''
The caller also asked Gary if he thinks that Howard is going to sign on to stay with SIRIUS again. Gary said that Howard has to want to keep doing it and it may not even have to do with money.
Jon had Teddy play a clip of Howard talking about the way Mary took Ronnie down one time when they were out together.
After the clip Jon said that Ronnie was in there and asked him what happened that day. Ronnie said that they were down in Washington DC doing some re-takes and he and Mary were just joking around when Mary came up and knocked him down. He said they were just fooling around, he didn't know she was going to attack him. Jon said that Ronnie should be ready for something like that. Ronnie said that Jon was just being an asshole. Jon said that he was surprised that Mary could take him down.
Ronnie said that Mary is a great chick and he really got to know her when they were shooting Private Parts. He said that her show is great too and they're doing a great job with everything on that. Ronnie isn't happy about them dressing down the hot sister on the show.
Jon said he got a note saying that Mary showed her ass on the show once but she has never done any other nude scenes in movies. That answered their question from earlier in the show.
Jon asked Ronnie how everyone got along on the set of Private Parts. Ronnie said everyone got along really well and they were like one big happy family for 4 months. Gary said that they went out of their way to make things work out right during that shoot. Gary said that he heard that they were lucky to have a great experience like that because they don't all go that way.
Gary said that he believes that if you've never had a kid you can't be taken seriously. Benjy said he was thinking that maybe Robin was thinking of her own life and maybe that was her way of dealing with what she's gone through.
Jon said that Howard said that she was in Marriage Mode and maybe this is the part of Robin changing. Ronnie said he can't figure Robin out at all.
Gary asked if they think that Robin could come in one day and just say she got married. Ronnie said that they have no idea what she's really up to and he thinks that could happen some day.
Jon said that you never know about stuff like having a kid until you go through it yourself. Gary said that they do 5 hours a day worth of shows and he didn't hear what Robin had said. He said that he could probably find moments when Robin has asked where the parents were in their lives so she might be contradicting himself.
Jon asked Ronnie if he's heard from Lisa since he brought up her hair care products. Ronnie said that they don't talk to each other much these days and he hasn't really spoken to her since Monday.
Gary said that Lisa listened to the Wrap Up Show when they were talking about her and she loved what they were saying. She said she liked it better than if she was actually in the studio. Jon said he heard the same thing from her. Jon said that she was a good sport about that stuff. Ronnie added ''...for once.''
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if they get pissed at Robin for some of the stuff she says on the show. Gary said he doesn't. Gary said that they all rub someone the wrong way and he doesn't think that they get that upset with Robin about the stuff she says. He said that she doesn't set him off at all.
Gary said that they've all worked together for a long time and they can't let that stuff hit them the way it hits this guy on the phone. Jon said that he's felt that sometimes when Robin says she knows something that she can't possibly know about. He said that kind of drives him a little crazy.
Gary said that Robin used to get upset when she would lose the Gossip Game and she would always say that she was going to pick the story that ended up being the fake one. He finds that kind of thing funny though. The caller didn't think it was that funny and told Gary he has to be a saint the way he puts up with that kind of stuff.
Gary said that Howard picks them apart too so that's rough on them too. He said that they all just deal with it because he's not like that 24 hours a day.
Jon asked Benjy and Ronnie if they find Robin to be like that. Benjy said that he's noticed it after seeing the fans complaining about it on the web. He said it doesn't really bug him though. Jon said he thinks that a lot of people there have that tendency to do things like that.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he wanted to defend Robin on the kid thing. He said he thinks that she was talking about the kids themselves and how they shouldn't be asking for more from the parents than they give them because the parents brought them into the world.
Ronnie said that there were times when Robin wouldn't leave her house at all. Gary said that he remembers her telling a story about pulling over and crying for an hour while she was out looking for an apartment when she first moved there.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he thinks that Benjy is wrong about what he was saying about the way Robin was talking about the kids. He thought that she was saying that kids don't deserve anything other than being brought into this world.
Another caller said that he thinks that Ronnie is great on the show but Mary punked him out today. He said that Ronnie seems to think that he's tough but he's never defended Howard against anyone. Ronnie said that he doesn't have to prove anything to this guy. Ronnie said that he doesn't have to fight with his hands, he can fight with his mouth. Ronnie said that he doesn't have to be like a bouncer in a bar.
Jon asked if anyone gets their balls broken as much as Ronnie does. Gary said that he gets his balls busted. Jon said that it's not as much as it used to be. Gary said that the chairs in his home theater led to him being goofed on for 11 days or so. That's a lot of time to goof on him about something.
Jon had a caller that said that he is known as the Techno Beaver. Gary said that no one knows who this guy is though. Benjy said that he thinks that he could only get some notice in his local area and Gary could get national.
The caller was also saying that he came up with the idea for Ass Napkin Ed to sell the back stage tickets to the Artie show. Gary cut him off and said that he gets it. Benjy said that he was basically saying that he came up with the Techno Beaver name and also invented scalping tickets.
Gary said that he hasn't agreed to do the Techno Beaver thing. He said that Steve Langford made him feel that they won't let him do it on the local news anyway. They had to go to break a short time after that.
Jason said he doesn't know who this woman is on the show claiming to be Robin because some of the stuff she's been saying is a little crazy. Jason said that he heard what Robin said about the kids and how the kids don't deserve more from their parents other than being brought into this world. Gary said that is insane if that's the way it came out.
Jon asked Jason if Robin drives him nuts. Jason said that she does sometimes. He said that he loves her but she says some stuff that's just insane. Jason said that he doesn't like what she says about doctors not being good either.
Benjy said he heard that Robin was trying to convince Mike Gange that he could cure his baldness by going on that detox diet. Jon thought he was kidding about that but he wasn't.
Another caller said that Ronnie doesn't deserve to be the host of a show, he doesn't know anything about them at all. Jason was doing his Ronnie impression and the guy thought that he was arguing with him. Jon told the guy that he was arguing with Jason but he didn't seem to care.
Jon moved on to talk about the Twitter thing. Gary said that he thinks that Tim had a meeting with Howard and his agent about Twitter. He said that when he got back from lunch Tim was talking about how they were going to start Twittering. Gary said he had to see what Howard wanted to do with it first. He said that Tim may have gotten upset with him when he said he couldn't do it without talking to Howard first. Tim said that he was out to lunch so they had the meeting while he was away.
Jason told Gary that he may not have been on the e-mail list. He said that there were other people who were e-mailed and told about it. Gary said that's weird but they left him out of the meeting and they want him to do this Twitter thing.
Gary said they were going to do a ''soft launch'' with the Twitter thing but then Howard just announced it on the show this morning and off they went.
Jason said that they were going to start doing the Twitter thing next week without telling anyone about it. They were going to hold off but then Howard just announced it.
Gary said that they need to have one person filtering the Twitter thing because they let Sal do the PDT (radio scroll) thing one time and he was writing all kinds of weird shit.
Gary said that Jason is going to be typing the Twitter stuff in and he will be filtering the stuff out himself. Gary said that they're not going to get into details where they talk about ''an ugly chick'' in the studio or something.
Jason said that he thinks that it would take off if Howard actually did the Twittering himself. He said that they already have 3,000 people following them.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Twitter is the bottom of the barrel for social networking. He said that it's trendy stuff that they don't need to do. Gary said that they're just trying to reach as many people as they can. The caller said that they must be getting something out of it other than free promotional advertising. Gary said that they're not getting anything else.
The caller said that he despises the whole Twitter thing. He said he doesn't do any of that Social Networking stuff. Gary asked him how old he was. He didn't say but he said he was actually quite young. Gary said that a lot of people are resistant to that kind of stuff.
Gary said that you can't argue with the number of people that are on these social networking sites. He said that these things work on some level or they wouldn't exist. Gary said that if they fail they won't be in their life anymore.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that there are topless pictures of Mary McCormack on a web site out there. Jon and Gary said they had never heard of that site.
Another caller asked what Twitter was. Gary said that it's a way for people to keep in touch. He said that they send out a note about what they're doing and people can see what's going on through e-mail or texts. Gary said that you can follow people you want to follow and they're just trying to give a behind the scenes view of what's going on at the show.
Jon took another call and the guy said he knows they want to be current and all but no one cares about this Twitter stuff. He said most people have real lives. Gary said that no one has to follow that stuff, they're not forcing anyone to do it.
The guys were telling Jason not to use smiley faces and stuff in the Twitter posts. They were even saying that he might want to avoid exclamation points.
Another caller said that Jason brings the show to a grinding halt and he can't stand his voice. He said it's mind numbing when he comes on the show. Jason said that his phone call wasn't really doing much for the show either. The caller was complaining about Robin describing everything as ''amazing'' and she does it way too much.
Another caller asked why Benjy is on the Wrap Up Show every day. He said that he doesn't want to shit on Benjy but he doesn't think that he should talk that much on the show. He said he should be the Artie of the Wrap Up Show and not talk that much and just say witty stuff on the Wrap Up Show.
Jon said he loves when Benjy comes by because he doesn't get to talk much on the Stern Show. He said he thinks that Benjy mixes in very well and he does have some hits and some misses on the show. They had to end the show a short time later.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:20am.