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Howard started off the show saying that he's annoyed that Howard K. Stern is in the news and they've been calling him ''Howard Stern'' lately. Howard said some people do confuse him with that guy and he thinks that the K in the name is necessary. Howard said he had a whole compilation of some news people just saying ''Howard Stern.''
Howard played the audio clips of these reporters saying Howard Stern and not making it clear that it's not Howard K. Stern. Howard joked that Artie was pissed with him for not getting him drugs like he was Howard K. Stern.
Howard played more of the clips of the news reporters saying ''Howard Stern'' over and over. Howard was pretty upset that Geraldo Rivera didn't make it clear that it was Howard K. Stern. Howard said that he's going to try and find a child molester by the name of Geraldo Rivera so he can say that he molested kids on the air.
Robin said that she got e-mails and messages from people asking her how Howard was doing after the whole Anna Nicole Smith thing. Howard said that everyone wants to get hooked up with illegal drugs too.
Howard had one audio clip of someone on a news report getting confused about which Howard Stern they were talking about. The guy said that he thought it was Howard Stern the radio personality but then realized it was Howard K. Stern. Howard said that guy wasn't confused and the other reporter with him said that he was full of it. Howard joked that the doctor accused of giving her drugs was Robin J. Quivers.
Howard said that Jon Hein invited him to go see the final episode of the show at a theater and the cast of the show are going to be there. Howard said that Ralph got an invitation too. He said that Ralph asked him to adjust his schedule for him to go see this Battlestar Galactica thing. Howard said he changed it for him but he wasn't even going to go. He said that he is tempted to go but he's also tempted to stay home. Artie told Howard that it would be tougher for him to be there than even the cast of the show.
Howard said he was listening to the Wrap Up Show last week and Ralph was asking High Pitch Mike why he had a web site. He thought that was pretty good so he played a couple of quick clips from that. Ralph was really upset with Mike for having the site and having no reason for it. Mike and Ralph argued for a couple of minutes about that stuff.
Howard said he likes to point out the good stuff from the Wrap Up Show. He said that everyone should listen to that every day at 11. The guys talked about how funny Mike was in that clip going off on Ralph.
Howard said he wanted to remind everyone of that stunt and what happened that day. He played some of the audio of that show where Tom Chiusano came on and announced that Howard Stern had been fired and they were replacing him with Cross and Lopez.
Howard played the audio from the start of that show back then and talked about how goofy they were trying to be with the bit. He said that the real thing is just as bad as that goofy bit they did back then. He said that their prediction kind of came true over there at K-Rock.
Their tag line was ''Fun without the Filth'' back then during that bit. Howard said he liked the promo they did where they said they were going to have news about a Scottish Terrier that can surf.
Howard said he knew that day was going to come. He said he had to wait 3 years for it but it's finally there. Artie said that they should have hired Rob Cross and whoever it was that played Lopez in that bit. He said they were actually pretty good. Howard said that Rob Cross actually works there at SIRIUS though. Artie said that Rob Cross was the guy who had to fire Stuttering John from his afternoon show.
Howard played some more of the Cross and Lopez show bit. Howard said that they were writing stuff for those two to say during that segment. Artie said that Fred was in there writing their lines. Howard said that it was kind of disappointing when there actually were some people who were into the new show. Artie said he remembers getting aggravated with those callers that day.
Howard played some of those calls that they took that day and there were a few who liked that they had gotten rid of Howard.
Howard said he doesn't remember if the one call they had just heard was a set up or not. Fred said he thinks that it was set up because the awful audio quality was from the inside line there. It had a machine gun sound to it.
Scott the Engineer came in and said that they had one caller who was very angry at them for making the change during that Cross and Lopez show. Howard played that call and the guy was pissed about the new show bad mouthing Howard Stern.
Howard said he thought it was funny that they're going to be doing almost the exact same thing there at K-Rock now. But they're called Now FM instead. Howard said it was really a good April Fools joke back then. It was predictable but it was good.
Howard played another clip from the Cross and Lopez show. The two DJs were really good at doing a bad Top 40 morning show. In the clip Cross and Lopez were reading some news and playing some goofy games together.
Artie said he was kind of getting into that game they were playing and he wanted to hear who the laugh clip was that they had played. Fred said he thinks that it was Scooby Doo.
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Howard said that he and Ron always had long conversations at those parties and one of the conversations they had was about a movie that Ron was in where he played Henry Kissinger. Howard said he was a fan of Henry Kissinger so Ron was going to send him a copy of the movie he was in. He figured the guy would forget but he got it the next day.
Howard said that someone told him about Ron having cancer at a party and they told him that he only had a couple of months to live. He said that he had a whole debate in his head and he wasn't sure if he should call the guy and let him know he knew. Howard said that he figured it wouldn't be good to call the guy since he wasn't supposed to know. Howard said that Beth told him not to call either.
Howard said he started to open up about his life the last time he saw him and he figured that Ron would open up with him but he never did. Howard said he had opened up his whole life to the guy and Ron didn't come out with the cancer thing.
Robin told Howard that he can't just start having an intimate relationship with someone like that and expect him to come out.
Howard said that Ron was a very liberal guy and he had some kind of relationship with Benjy's sister. Howard said they quoted Benjy's sister in the paper today. Howard said that Ron was very involved with a lot of political causes and stuff and he used to flip around a lot, especially after Bush got into office.
Howard said that Ron was also on The West Wing. He talked about how great he was as Kissinger too. He said that he had his voice down pretty good for that part.
Robin asked Howard what it was he wanted to say to Ron if he had told him about his cancer. Howard said he would have wanted to tell him what a great guy he was. He said that it would have been awkward now that he thinks about that. He said that Beth knew what to do and he's glad that she told him not to say anything to him. Howard said that Ron was a great guy and he always enjoyed talking to him at those parties.
Artie said that he thinks that Howard should prepare to never see Sarah again. He said he thinks that Jimmy will be close but Sarah won't come around.
Howard said that he probably hasn't spoken to Jimmy more than 3 times on the phone but he still thinks that he's one of his dearest friends. Howard said that he e-mailed Jimmy but he wasn't really saying anything in the e-mail. He said that Jimmy was willing to talk on the phone though.
Howard said that Beth has e-mailed Sarah a few times and she told him about what she was saying about the break up but he's still confused about what's going on. Howard said he was going to send her a note himself instead. Howard said that he wanted to tell her that he's taking the break up even harder than she is. He wants to mediate for the two of them but he really knows nothing about their relationship.
Howard said that Jimmy is a great guy for Sarah and he wanted to tell her that. He said then he wanted to write a letter to Jimmy and let him know what he thinks about Sarah and why he thinks they should be together. Howard said he didn't send anything to Jimmy but he did send the letter to Sarah. Howard said that she sent him a letter back and she knew that he was doing it tongue in cheek.
Robin said that this is worse than the Ron Silver thing. Howard joked that he Carbon Copied the Silver family with that Sarah e-mail.
Howard said that Sarah and Jimmy were such a good couple together. Howard told the story about Jimmy telling him that Sarah was going to buy a rugby shirt the time they were hanging out at a store. He said that Jimmy was right about that and Sarah ended up picking out another Rugby shirt for her collection. Howard said that it showed that Jimmy was interested in what she was doing. Robin said that was very superficial and that means nothing. She said that people know all of that and still end up getting divorced.
Howard said that he fixed Artie and Dana. They're still talking. Artie said that there were things about Dana that bothered him. He said that she bought that dog. Artie said that Dana talked way more loving to that dog than she even did with him. Artie talked about how he didn't want the dog in the kitchen and Dana thought that meant that he wanted to harm every dog.
Howard said that he knew that Robin and Jim were in trouble when they couldn't answer any of the Newlywed Game questions they had for them. Robin said that she and Jim had a fantastic relationship for the short time they were together.
Artie said that he thinks it's nice that Howard is so concerned about Jimmy and Sarah. He said that he sat next to them at Howard's wedding and it was like looking at a young couple that loved everything about each other.
Howard said that he's thinking about giving up Chess. He said that he's got this obsessive personality and he's not doing very well at the game and it leaves him feeling stupid when he doesn't win. He said that he feels like he's a filthy, disgusting, empty brained, nothing. He said he's really just not very good at it. He said he's really not that bright and it's making him feel dumb.
Howard said he got Rob Burnett into chess and he has managed to get his score up to 1400 and now he's so upset about that, that he's going to give up playing.
Howard said that he's done some sketching in the past as well. He said that he decided to paint Beth a painting for her birthday. He said that he thought it would be nice to do that but Artie and Robin said that's kind of corny. Howard said that Robin wishes that she had a guy who would do that for her. Robin said that he doesn't know what she has going on in her personal life.
Howard said that he told Beth that he was taking painting classes and asked her if she wanted to go. Howard said that she didn't want to. Howard said that most of the students in this art class he took were older women. Howard said he went into the room and the look of shock and disgust on the women's faces was great. He said that they were in a nice neighborhood and they were all pretty good at this stuff. Howard said that he walked in with the hair and all and asked if that's where they taught the painting. He was in the right place.
Howard said that the women scattered when he went to sit down. He said that within one or two lessons every one of the old biddies was all over him. He said that they all became his best friends. He said that he knew every one of them.
Howard said that he was mixing colors for the paintings and he wasn't able to do anything right. He said that he wasn't able to make the right colors and this went on for a couple of lessons. He said he got very frustrated with that. Then they asked him to paint a vase and they pointed out the detail of the Vase and what you're supposed to put in the painting. Howard said by the 5th lesson he quit. He had 3 lines on his paper.
Howard said he had an art box and they knew what they had coming into that class. He had a whole art box full of stuff that they sold him. Howard said that they called him at one point and asked him if he wanted his painting. Howard said he told them to keep it and sell it if they wanted. Howard said that he was so bad.
Robin was laughing at Howard so he pointed out that she's the woman who took racing classes. Robin said that at least she got in the car.
Howard said that the women in this class were all very good at what they did. Howard said he learned a lot about paining after his kids got into the whole art thing.
Howard said that he had a painting in his house that was white on white and he wouldn't even be able to do something that simple.
Howard said he was reading about the drummer from System of a Down buying the first Superman comic book for $317,000. Robin said that he didn't buy it for himself, he bought it for someone else. Howard said that guy is a fan of the show and he didn't know that the drummer would have that kind of money to buy a comic book for that kind of money.
Howard said that if he had unlimited money he's not sure he'd even buy something like that. Artie said he wouldn't either but there are obviously people out there who would.
Howard took a call from a guy who thanked him for quitting the ICC. He said that he was a member for about 20 years and they're just a bunch of smart people there who are just enjoying the site but now there are a bunch of rich people there who have too much money and think that they're going to come in and be big. The caller said that he has a 2400 rating over there at the ICC. Howard said that he didn't believe that this guy was a 2400. Howard asked the guy what his handle was. The guy said that he's FutureBoy. Howard said he was going to look him up and make sure he's really 2400. Howard said that you ''Finger'' someone on that site to look them up.
FutureBoy said that Howard was into riding bicycles about a decade ago. Howard said he thinks he paid about $1,000 for the bike back then. The caller said that he has friends with bikes that they paid thousands for and he passes them on a $400 bike.
Howard said that you have to be pretty bright to play chess so he wanted to know what this guy did for a living. The guy said that he's an IT guy. Howard said that you have to be really smart to be a 2400 in that chess thing.
Howard asked the guy if he ever loses. He said he has. Howard said they looked FutureBoy up in the back office and found that he only has a 1600 rank. The guy said that they're full of it. Howard said that Jon Hein is a member. Howard said that this guy is only a 1600 and the guy said he had to go off to work. Howard said that he could beat this fucker.
Howard said that his blitz rating was 1619. Howard looked up the ratings and there was no standard rating. Howard said that ranking was pretty huge. Howard said that it was a really good score.
Artie said that he was a longshoreman with a guy who only got to 8th grade but he beat everyone at speed chess at the port.
FutureBoy was off the phone but Howard thought that it was kind of a strange spelling for his name. Jon said that it was the only FutureBoy on there. Howard said that he beat a guy in Blitz the other day. Jon said that Howard is a good player but he's trying to get to a level that's not an easy thing to get to.
Artie said that he's really into basketball this season after giving up on it for a couple of years. Howard said that he was thinking about taking up reading again but he gets so bored by it. Artie told him to read The Great Gatsby again. Howard said that he hates that kind of book. He said he hasn't read it since High School.
Howard said that he's thinking of reading the NY Times from back to front every day and making that his hobby. Artie said that would be pretty hard. Howard figured it would keep him busy for the whole day.
Artie said he was reading an article about a Punk Rock band by the name of Death that was like the first black Punk band. He said he wants to know more about them after reading the article. Fred thought that he had found some of their music but it was probably the band that Richard Christy was in called Death. Fred played that instead. They listened to Richard's amazing drumming abilities. Howard said that he really does have an ability. Howard said he might have to get into drumming. Richard said he'd give him some lessons. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Ozzy and Sharon are going to be coming in soon. He said they have a variety show starting soon. Robin said that Kelly ended up back in rehab when they started doing that show.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he or Artie were going to go see the Allman Brothers at the Beacon. Howard said that he was thinking about it. Artie said that he knows a woman who works there that works on the Jam channel. He said that she got him a connection so he's able to go to the side door and he can go on the side of the stage and watch. Howard said that he'd like to go and watch like that too.
Artie said that he heard that Eric Clapton is going to be sitting in with them. Howard said he'd be interested in that. Artie said that they do a lot of jamming in their shows so it might be boring to Howard. Howard said that he might have to drink and take some Oxycontin to get through the jams. He said he can't smoke pot because it just doesn't work for him.
Artie mentioned that Greg Allman had Hepatitis C which wasn't that surprising. Howard said that there have been rumors about the band before and he wasn't sure that was true. Gary said that he saw a news report where they did say he had it.
The caller was telling Howard about some of the other bands that might be playing with them and Richard's favorite Coheed and Cambria might be there. Artie said that they have a lot of good stuff they do at those Allman shows.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. He said he had to get to Robin and Tim Sabean's weekend together. Howard said that Richard and Sal have been driving the Tradio guys crazy lately.
Lisa read her headlines and one of the stories was about Richard calling into that Tradio show back when he was living in Kansas. She said that he was prank calling them so much back then that they called his parents and asked them to make him stop. Richard was 27 at the time.
Howard said he was going to play the latest calls that Sal and Richard did with the Tradio guys. He said that Sal tries to sell a Shvoogie Button, which is a button that alerts people that they have black people in the store, a reference to a story Gary has told about working at a store when he was young. After they hung up on Sal the guy took a call from another guy who said these calls were horrible and they hope that the calls stop.
Sal then calls back in and tries to sell a high colonic kit from Robin Quivers. Then Richard calls in and says that he's interested in that. Sal calls back with some more stuff and gets hung up on over and over again. Richard does the same. Then they take some calls from some religious people who say that Satan is in full force on the show.
Howard said that this guy Andy, who is hosting that show, is giving him some purpose and giving him some kind of personality. The calls go on and on. Richard and Sal keep calling in with comments and things to sell. Then they took some calls from some listeners who were upset with the prank calls. They were all very religious and said that those guys are going to be punished for what they're doing to the show. Howard said that this was like a Demi Moore movie with all of this weird religious talk. They're saying that it's like the end of days in those calls. Some of the callers were very violent sounding and talked about using their firearms against them. Then Richard called in and said that he was Satan and he had gotten them. They ended the show after that. Howard said he'd like to get that program on their channels.
Lisa read that Jeff the Drunk is upset with people like Captain Janks and High Pitch Eric acting the way they have as Wack Packers. Jeff is upset because no one is calling him to do gigs.
Lisa had a story about Brandon Novak who came in with Bam Margera when he was on recently. They had Brandon institutionalized after he went nuts trying to get off of Xanax. Howard said that was sad to hear. He said he hopes he'll be okay.
Artie said that you have to go through the hell to get off of that stuff. He said he heard that people hallucinate coming off of it so he hopes that guy is okay.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the prank calls to that Tradio show are great because they rely on taking phone calls. The guy said that he was interested in some of that stuff Richard and Sal were selling.
Howard read through some of the comments he got about Tim and Robin's detox diet. There were a bunch of people talking about how wrong it is to do that stuff and how it can screw up your body. Robin said that she's been doing this for a long time and she's not having any problems.
Howard asked Robin what happened with her and Tim at her place over the weekend. Robin said that she had Tim, Dr. Roni (MVDietDetox.com) and James out there this weekend. Howard said that he heard some someone, who will remain nameless, who couldn't believe that Tim was hanging out there with them. Robin said that they just hung out, drank their drinks together, talked and did things like that. Howard asked how much interaction she had with Tim. Robin said that it's hard not to interact at her place.
Robin said that they got together for their meals and went on walks, had massages, things like that. Howard laughed and asked how much weight Tim lost. Robin said that he's lost 12 pounds so far.
Howard asked if they did enemas. Robin said that they did that one morning. She said that Tim had a woman give him his. Artie laughed when he heard that. He said that was his morning coffee.
Howard said that Tim was looking especially fat this morning. He said he looked thinner the other morning. Tim said that it might be the suit, it's an older one that he can fit into again. Tim said he lost 12 pounds.
Howard was laughing when he heard that Tim had gotten his enema from Dr. Roni. Howard asked him how that worked. Tim said that it was a doctor so it's no big deal. Tim wanted to tell the story but Howard wanted to hear it from Dr. Roni.
Dr. Roni came in and told Howard that she's been getting a lot of e-mail from fans who want to get on this diet of hers. She said that she has a lot of questions from people and that's what she spends her day answering.
Howard asked Roni if she was dreading the enema thing for Tim. She said that it wasn't a big deal at all. Artie said he can't imagine having to wake up every morning to give someone like him or Tim an enema.
Howard asked Roni what she has to see on Tim when she has to give him the enema. Roni said that she doesn't have to see that much of it. Howard asked if Tim was wearing a shirt or a towel. She said that she wasn't sure about a shirt but he did have a towel on.
Howard figured that Roni had seen Tim's cock and balls but Robin said that he would be on his side with his back to her so there is no cock and balls there. Howard asked Roni if she saw his balls or not. She said that she sees it but doesn't really see it.
Howard asked if Roni saw anything weird back there like hair or dinglebeerries back there. She said she didn't see anything like that. Howard asked Tim if he tucked it all forward before Dr. Roni came in. Tim said that's exactly what he did.
Gary came in and said that the school that Dr. Roni said she got her doctorate from is a non-accredited school. Howard said he didn't know anything about that.
Howard found out that Roni is supposed to be a hypnotist as well. Howard asked her if she's already done that trying to get her to fall out of love with him. She said that's not what she's doing.
Howard said that Dr. Roni has accomplished a lot in her life and he wanted to know how bad that colonic thing was with Tim. She said it wasn't bad at all. Howard asked how Tim took it in. Roni said that she lubed it up and put it in very slowly. Howard asked if she would have put a dildo in there if he had asked her to. She said that she wouldn't have done that.
Howard asked Tim how the coffee was in there. Tim said that she had him rubbing his stomach and getting the coffee to move around in his intestines. He held it for about 10 minutes. Robin can hold for about 15 minutes. Howard said that Roni looked so happy about Robin being able to hold for so long. Artie said that smile was her thinking about the new boat she has up on Martha's Vineyard.
Roni talked about the enemas and how good it is for your liver. She said that it's not for the colon when you take in the enemas. Howard said that he doesn't think that the ass was meant to have stuff put into it. Robin said that the colon was never meant to have this much food coming out of it either.
Howard asked Robin how long it took her to be able to do that stuff on her own. Robin said that it takes a little while.
Howard asked Tim about taking the enema tube in all the way. Artie asked Tim if he's going to keep doing this stuff after he's done with the 21 day thing. Tim said that he's going to take a week and do some maintenance and then he'll go back on the diet the week after. He said he wants to lose a lot of weight, like 67 pounds. Artie said that if Tim Succeeds then he'll do the diet. Tim said that this is incentive enough for him to lose all 67 pounds then.
Artie asked if he could still take percoset and vikodin on that diet. Roni said that they would ween him off of all of that stuff. Artie said that he's not sure he could go through that whole thing. Artie asked Tim how long it's going to take him to lose it. Tim said it should be a couple of months. Artie said that he would think about it but he's not saying he'll definitely do it.
Howard asked Tim what Dr. Roni was wearing when she gave him the enema. Tim said he's not sure, it may have been a sweat suit. Howard asked if she had any cleavage showing. Tim said that it was the most relaxing and calm weekend. He said that it was no big deal at all.
Howard asked Roni what she did after she stuck the whole six inches of tube up his ass. Roni said she took the tube out and put it in the sink and then left the room. She told him to massage his stomach and go to the toilet so he could get it out. She stayed by the door just in case he needed anything. Tim said he didn't have any problems holding it in while he was waiting. Tim claims that he didn't even look in the toilet after letting it out. Roni said that he did look. Tim swore that he didn't look and he got up and took a shower.
Howard said he would have looked. Robin said that she has looked. Howard asked Tim if he's going to stick with it. Tim said that he's been getting a lot of e-mail from fans who are going to try it out. He said that Bubba's sister just lost 80 pounds and there are many others out there who want to try it out too.
Howard found out that Roni has been married twice. She said that she just married the wrong men, twice. She said that she ended up divorcing them. Howard asked Roni if she was a virgin in her first marriage.
Howard asked Roni about people sticking things up their ass and if it can be dangerous sometimes. She said that she has seen many things after working in an emergency room for years. Howard said that Tim took six inches no problem so that's a big deal.
Howard let Roni get in some plugs for her web site, MVDietDetox.com, and her book ''21 Pounds in 21 Days: The Martha's Vineyard Diet Detox.''
Howard said that he was done with this whole thing after talking to them about the green drinks and stuff. Howard said he thinks that Tim is going to lose a lot of weight but he will gain it all back and then some. He said that Tim can't control himself with food and he will start drinking and eating again. Roni said that he will be so well nourished that he won't go back. Robin said that Howard said the same thing about her.
Howard said that the test will be in November of 2009. Howard said that Tim needs the time to lose the weight and gain it back so November it is. Tim said that he will mark that date in his calendar.
Tim told Howard that he feels so much better already that he's not napping during the day. He's not napping on the weekends now. Howard said he's only had one weekend of this so far.
Howard told Tim that he likes to close his eyes and nap during the day and it's not a bad thing. He said that he gets tired so Roni told him that he has to ask himself why he's so tired. Robin told Roni that Howard is very slumped over when he stands but Howard explained that he's very conscious of his height and that's the way he stands.
Howard said that Robin doesn't do a real work out either. He said that they baby her at the gym she works out at. Robin said that's not true and she works very hard. Howard thanked Roni for coming in and helping Tim. He said he hopes that Tim proves him wrong and keeps the weight off. Tim said this stuff motivates him to keep the weight off.
Artie said that he naps from noon to Midnight and then gets up to eat. Roni said that Artie is obese but she's not sure if he's morbidly obese. Artie said that he'd have to be close to death to be ''morbidly'' obese. Howard said he wishes that Artie were happily obese.
Artie has had some strange things happen to him since he got fat. He lost all of the hair on his arms and now he has excema on his skin. Howard said it looks good on him, he looks like an alligator. Artie was putting some kind of cream on it.
Howard said he heard that Artie was on a Snack well cookie binge over the weekend. Artie said he had like 50 of them but they're low calorie. Robin said that he might as well just eat regular cookies. Artie said that they were low call so he thought he'd be okay.
JD came in and said that it was very funny to see Artie eating them and the pilot on the plane was showing where he hid them. Artie said he brought them back up to his hotel room with him.
Howard said that the cream that Artie was putting on his excema was stinky. Artie said that Lisa G had given it to him. Howard said that he gets all of this stuff because he's fat. He told him to go on that diet then. Artie said that his liver was killing him and he almost went to the hospital the other day because of the pain. Howard told him to go on the green drink diet. Artie said he's not ready for that.
Howard said that they had a porn guy there who claims to be straight but he does gay porn movies. He said they had to get to that after a commercial break.
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Howard came back and sang along to the song a little bit. Howard wondered what the hell they were talking about with the ''whipping post'' thing. Artie sang some of the lyrics and told Howard that it was about a woman.
Howard said that he had a story about Don Imus announcing that he has stage 2 prostate cancer. Howard said he knows he's had his problems with Imus but it's still sad to read about that. Howard didn't know what the ''stage 2'' meant exactly though.
Artie said that a lot of guys have been able to get rid of that if they catch it soon enough. Howard said it has to be uncomfortable to get the operation. Robin read that stage 2 means that it's detectable with a digital rectal exam. Howard read that Imus was thinking that the cancer came from stress. Howard said that it could also be his years of bad living. Howard said that Imus is 68 years old.
Howard said that they have this guy Barrett Long coming in. The guy has a mold of his cock that he sells. He showed that to the guys and the thing was about 3 times the size of his penis. Howard asked Robin, when she sees something like that, is she excited or scared of it. Robin said that might be okay. Howard said it looked pretty scary to him.
Howard read a story about Battlestar Galactica and how the United Nations is going to be talking about the show. He said that they're busy with his nonsense where they have a panel talking to the cast of the show. Howard said that's such a waste.
Howard asked Barrett if his penis is really as big as this replica (available at LongToy.com). Barrett took it out and showed it to Robin and Howard gave him a ''Wow!'' Then Barrett licked his own penis. Howard said he's never seen anyone able to do that.
Howard said that you have to have a big cock to be in porn like that. Barrett said that he's been in the industry for 7 years now. He said that he doesn't get aroused licking his own penis though. He said that he's straight and he doesn't undress men with his eyes, he only does that with women.
Howard asked Barrett about the porn industry and if he thinks that it's safe. Barrett said that they do test people and he thinks that having gay sex is safer than regular sex. He said that they always wear condoms in the movies he does so he figures that he's very safe.
Howard asked Barrett how it's possible to get aroused for another man when he's doing these movies, if he's straight. Howard figured he has to be bi-sexual at least. Barrett said that he is a heterosexual man and he can think about other people when he's doing these guys.
Barrett talked about how he got into the porn business and how he got out of selling drugs because of it. He said that he's getting paid to fuck guy's asses now instead of doing that in jail. Barrett said that he did go to jail for 7 months and he didn't want to go back to that.
Barrett said that he was miserable working a regular job and he wanted to blow his brains out. He said he was always fascinated with the porn business and he wanted to get into it. He said that he went to meet this guy that someone introduced him to and the guy turned out to be a gay porn producer. Barrett said that the guy asked him if he would be willing to do the gay porn stuff and that led to him getting into some of the gay porn stuff.
Barrett did a jerk-off video for the guy first. Howard said that this was all sounding kind of gay to him. Howard asked what kind of money he can make doing this stuff. Barrett said the money was good a few years ago but now they're cutting back and things are much different now. Howard asked him why he doesn't do some chicks and stuff.
Barrett said that he has a production firm now and he's starting a straight line of movies. He's also got some gay porn coming out too. He said he actually has done a lot of straight porn. He asked Howard if he knows Puma Sweet. Howard didn't answer but Artie laughed when he heard that name.
Howard said that he doesn't get the gay porn thing and how he can get off while he's with some dude. Howard also read that he had blown some guys before he got into porn. Barrett said that he didn't blow guys, he got blown for money. Gary told Howard that Will was getting upset because he told him different things in the pre-interview.
Howard asked Barrett about people hiring him to fuck their wives and stuff. Barrett said that he does that and he charges $400 for the first hour and $200 for each additional hour. He also makes people guarantee him 2 hours minimum so he's guaranteed $600 if he goes anywhere. Howard asked him if the women are ugly. He said that sometimes they're not and Howard would be surprised. Barrett said that he doesn't even have to fuck the chicks every time he goes in there. He said that sometimes they just want to talk.
Howard asked him if he's afraid of getting the herp's. Barrett said that if he sees any sign of it then he's out of there.
Howard read that Barrett has been with some A-list celebrities including some gay football players. Artie assumed that it was Tony Romo or Emmett Smith.
Howard said that Barrett was in to promote this LongToy.com web site where you can buy his big penis replica. Barrett took it out of the package and it had a big suction cup on it so he stuck it to Robin's booth glass. Artie told him to leave it there for the rest of the show.
Barrett also said that you can check out his new movie at BarrettLongsVegasvacation.com. He also got in a plug for XXXAmateurHour.com.
Howard and Artie talked more about this gay porn thing and how they could never stay hard while fucking some guy no matter what they think about. Barrett said that he hopes to be able to get out of the business in a few years. He said that he doesn't put his money up his nose, he thinks that he's invested wisely and he should be okay in a few years.
Gary asked Barrett what he's going to do when he gets out of the business and tries to move into a regular neighborhood. Barrett said that he'll just live his life and do what he has to do.
Barrett said that he has smoked weed and he actually got his father his sight back after he lost it from his Multiple Sclerosis. He said he got his dad smoking weed and his vision actually came back and he was able to go back to work after that.
Howard asked Barrett if he was homophobia. Barrett said that he was in the beginning but he learned about them when he was doing the porn. JD came in and said that he had to watch some of his porn movies and he can't possibly be thinking about fucking women because he's usually fucking one guy in the ass and watching another guy jerking off in front of him.
Gary asked Barrett if he's going to miss the gay porn when he gets out of the business or will he never go back to another man again. He said that he plans to stop doing it all together.
Barrett said that he has never tasted another man's jizz but he has tasted his own. He was wondering what it was that the women liked so much about it so he wanted to taste it himself.
Artie said that Barrett is very defensive about not being gay so that kind of makes him think that he might be gay. Barrett said that he really didn't choose this for a career. He said that it kind of chose him.
Barrett said that there are a lot of women into watching the guy on guy porn. Artie said that he's talked to girls and none of them have been into that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he saw Barrett out in Las Vegas and he had girls with him. The guy was the owner of the Blue Moon Resort where he shot one of his movies.
Another caller said that this guy is gay. He said that he's sucking cock and getting a hard on so he's got to be gay. Barrett said that he's getting paid to do it and he's not gay.
Howard took a call from Wood Yi who said that he wanted to suck his cock and he was jerking off. It was just audio clips and Barrett said he thinks it sounded like one of his producer guys in the back. Howard said it wasn't though. Barrett said he didn't like having people calling in and talking about jerking off to him.
Howard took a call from Iron Sheik who called him ''Gay and Faggot'' a couple of times. That was just the guys in the back calling in with audio clips again.
Howard took a call from Irish John who said that this guy really is a fuckin' fag and asked if he ever gets man mud on his helmet. Barrett said that he doesn't because he uses a condom. John said that he'd rather be homeless than ever do gay porn. Barrett told him to go try it and then see how long that lasts.
Howard gave Barrett some more plugs and thanked him for coming in. He took another call from the Pink Cowboy who wanted him to fuck him in the ass after donkey punching him in the asshole. Howard asked the guys in the studio if they think that Barrett is straight. Benjy was the only one who raised his hand. Benjy said that he thinks that the guy could be straight but he wouldn't be able to do what he does.
Howard took one last call from a guy who said that there is no difference between this and women who have done stuff with women but aren't lesbians. Barrett thanked him for that. Howard said that the guy might have a point but he doesn't know. All he knows is that there's a lot of dick sucking going on. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and wondered what the Mr. Jones reference meant. He wasn't sure if it was a drug reference or not.
Howard read through some e-mail about his rant about Jay Leno from last week. There was also some feedback about the Mexican Delivery game and how the economy ruined it. That's why the delivery guys took the money instead of the girls.
Howard said he was reading an article about Matthew Fox who is on ''Lost.'' He said that Fox is saying that he's getting off of TV once ''Lost'' is over. He wants to do movies now. Howard said that the streets are littered with guys like that. He said that maybe he should take a year off of TV and then think about what he wants to do.
Howard said that he thinks that he would never want to do terrestrial radio again but he can't say that he'll never do it. He said that he can't predict what might happen and every scenario in his life.
Artie said that it might be the schedule that they have to do. Howard said that they're shooting that series in Hawaii, how bad could it be?
Howard read a story about the America's Next Top Model auditions and how a bunch of the women there ended up getting into fights and got arrested. Howard said that they opened the show to women under 5'7'' tall. Howard read that the women got into a panic when a car pulled up that was kind of smoking. They thought it was a bomb or something and freaked out.
Howard said the funniest story in the paper was that Charlie Sheen just had twins. He said he doesn't know what that guy is up to. Artie said that guy is probably getting ridiculous money for that TV show of his. He said that he's probably got more than his father ever did.
Howard read that Altovese David, Sammy Davis Jr.'s wife, died recently. He read some details about that and found that she died of complications of a stroke. Howard and Fred were doing impressions of Sammy during that discussion.
Howard said that Imus was never nice to him or to other people and he always had a chip on his shoulder about him stealing his format and doing that. He said that hearing that he has cancer is a bitch. He said that he's heard about the operation and how tough it is. He knows guys who have gone through it and it's not easy.
Howard said that some guys refuse to have an operation because they want their cocks to keep working. Howard said that he's not sure why Imus stays in radio. He said he sounds exhausted and tired and he should just retire. Robin said that some people just want to keep working their jobs until the day they die.
Howard had some of the audio of Imus' announcement to play. He asked Robin if she wanted to hear it. Robin said sure. In the clip Imus came back from a commercial break and announced that he was going to have to change his ranch name to include himself since he was diagnosed with prostate cancer last week.
Imus talked about being on an organic diet for the past 10 years. He said that he was also exercising so he figured that maybe things were okay. He said that they did a biopsy and that's when they found that he had stage 2 prostate cancer. Imus said that it wasn't great news but he didn't think much of it at the time. Imus said that he had a bone scan and that was fine. He didn't know when it all happened so he had to ask his co-host when the tests were taken.
Robin said that Imus never cleansed so that's why the organic diet didn't work for him. She said that he didn't do what she does so she didn't want them saying that.
Imus said that he's going to go see some people to find out what they think and to get a second opinion. Imus said that they're predicting that they can cure it. Imus said that he can't get a ''wiener warranty'' from any of these people so he's not sure if he'll be able to keep using it since he does have a hot wife. Howard said he must still be banging her then.
Howard played more of the clip and said that he's really kind of sad about it. Robin wasn't as upset and said that she didn't have any feelings about it at all. She told Howard that he's getting really soft lately. She said that all of his competitors are going to get old and have stuff like this happening and he's going to get all soft with them too.
Howard said that Imus was a bully and he wasn't a nice guy but he does feel for him. Howard said that maybe it is because he's a guy. Robin said that Imus was not nice to people and he was almost like Hitler. She said that if he was in charge of a country, he would have been Hitler.
Howard said that Robin had him almost convinced that he shouldn't like Imus. He told Gary to cancel the Teddy-Gram he was going to send. Howard said he needed some time to think about all of that. He said he'd get back to Robin tomorrow about it.
Artie said that they should remind Robin about what Star Jones said about this show. Robin said that she'd like to hear those tapes. Howard said that he didn't have any.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was at stage 6 with his cancer and his penis isn't quite working right to this day. He said that he's only 37 though and he may recover eventually. He said they told him that he might be back to normal in a year or so.
Another guy called in and said that his father had stage 4 cancer and they opened him up like a wishbone down there to get that stuff out. He said that when you take the prostate out, that's when you can't get it up anymore. He said that the previous caller might not be able to get it up again. The guy on the phone said that he doesn't want to get the prostate check done even though he knows that he should. Howard said that he was told that the operation pain is the worst and much worse than getting the finger up your ass.
Artie said that he doesn't go to the doctor and he eats a stick of butter every night before bed. He said that's what people should do.
Howard said he keeps looking over at Robin and sees that giant cock on her window. Robin said that she didn't know what the back of those cocks was for but now she knows. It's a suction cup so you can stick it on a wall.
Howard said that he's not sure who listens to that Imus show because it's really hard to listen to. He said that the guy sounds exhausted. He was interested in that clip though. Robin said that she thought it was compelling but it was because he was talking about life and death stuff.
Steve said that Captain Janks is still out there failing to show up for shows that he's getting paid to do. There are now a couple of bar owners who are going to get a group together to go after Janks. Howard said he can't believe he's still doing this stuff.
Gary said that Janks called him last week and talked a little bit about it and it turns out Janks has no way to get to the shows so that's why he's failing to show up. Gary said that Janks claims that all of the paperwork he has is in the car that he no longer owns so he doesn't even know who to call about that stuff.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran through his list of subjects they had for today's show. The guys ended up talking about Barrett Long for a short time after Jon brought him up. Robin said that she wasn't turned on by that guy at all. Artie said that he saw her smiling. Robin said he was too defensive about the gay stuff. That led to the guys asking Robin if she's ever had guys that big before. Robin said she's had even bigger and she had one that was so big that it was too hard to handle.
Howard sounded shocked when Robin told him about how big that one guy was. Robin said that she wanted to leave when she saw how big he was. Robin said that it was actually very painful for her. She said the guy didn't use a rubber either because she was very young and it was the age before that.
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Jeff the Drunk called in and said that he had some upsetting news for them. Jeff said that Steve-O was voted off of Dancing with the Stars. He said that he was injured and he heard about that on Willie's Place this weekend. Howard said that dancing isn't that easy and people do get injured. Benjy said that he read that Steve has a pinched nerve in his back now and that's why he's off the show. Artie said that must be because he's off all of the drugs and he's actually feeling pain now.
Robin got to her news and read about Howard K. Stern being arrested for allegedly helping to get Anna Nicole Smith drugs. They have arrested 3 different people in the case. Howard said that it's going to be tough to get any convictions in this case. He said that he can hear the jurors saying that they don't have pictures of him doing anything so they're not going to convict. He compared that to the OJ case.
Robin had some news about Jay Leno's free comedy show out in the Detroit area. They're giving tickets away starting tomorrow.
Howard took a call from a guy who was upset about some stuff that Howard said about the OJ Simpson case a few minutes before. Howard said he didn't want to sit there and debate the OJ trial with this guy. Howard said that he'll just go with his theory instead and say that OJ is innocent. The guy said that he doesn't know who killed Nicole, no one does. Howard said that maybe Anna Nicole Smith did it or maybe Howard K. Stern killed her. Howard ended up hanging up on him.
Robin read a story about a helicopter pilot who gave up his license after having sex with a porn star while flying. Howard said that these helicopters fly over people's homes and getting a blow job in the air like that just isn't right. Robin said that the FAA revoked his license when they found out about a tape that he had made.
Robin read a story about a couple that ran a babysitting service out of their home and taped themselves performing sex acts with the children. Robin said that some of the kids were as young as 2 months old. Howard wondered what they would do to a 2 month old. Robin said that there were people saying that it was the worst thing that they've ever heard of happening in their lives.
Robin read a story about a guy who went to a birthday party, killed 3 people and then went home and set fire to his own house and killed himself.
Howard read that the 2 month old in that earlier story was the couple's daughter. Robin read a story about a woman who was hit in the chest with an arrow while standing outside. Howard said he read about that one.
Robin read a story about a guy who was stealing medicine from patients at a hospital. He would steal it with the needle, inject it into himself and then use the same needle to give the patients a saline solution.
Robin had a story about the Octomom, Nadya Suleman, and how she was out at Disneyland and Knott's Berry Farm with some of her kids. Meanwhile she had people working on her new home baby proofing it for her. Howard said that it's so sickening that she's running around in a park with these kids that she can't take care of.
Robin had some audio of Ben Bernanke talking about the economy. She also had some news about AIG and the fact that they've been giving bonuses to executives. She had some audio of a guy talking about why they have to pay those people because they do have contracts and the government can't stop that.
Robin had some audio clips of Dick Cheney talking about what has been going on since they left office. Cheney said that things are going well over in Iraq these days and they are making progress. There was also another clip of him talking about the economy and how they're taking the blame for it even though it probably isn't their fault.
Robin read about the America's Next Top Model scuffle that went on at the auditions on Saturday. She had some audio clips of some witnesses talking about what they saw.
Robin had some audio clips of Sharon Osbourne talking about how this year's Ozzfest was canceled but they hope to have it back on in 2010. She blamed the economy for having to cancel the show.
Robin said that Clairvoyants aren't suffering in this economy and they're getting more business than ever since people want to know about what their financial futures are going to be like. Howard said that's sad that people are such dupes. Howard said he knows people who pay hundreds of dollars to go to people like that and they don't feel bad about spending their husband's money.
Robin read a story about how many people in Washington DC have AIDS. She said that the number is triple the number of a severe epidemic. Robin was reading some of that story when Fred threw in a couple of gay porn clips. Howard said they were actually that guy Barrett's porn clips. The guys joked about that a little bit and said that wasn't gay at all. Artie said that Barrett's argument was getting very thin after hearing that.
Robin read some news about football player Donte Stallworth hitting and killing a pedestrian while driving. Robin read another story about a wrestler, Andrew ''Test'' Martin'' being found dead in his apartment. Robin read that he was a WWE wrestler for about 10 years.
A caller told Howard that he should find a new producer now that they're banning chimpanzees. The guy also said that Jon Hein has bitch tits and he's a nerd. Fred threw in the Letterman Bass sound clip that they play when someone jokes on that show.
Another caller said that his radio was doing channel updates and he was missing out on some of the show. Howard said that does happen once in a while and he's not sure what they're doing with them. Howard said that someone should talk to someone else about that problem. He said he's too busy to look into it himself.
Robin read a story about the number one movie at the box office this weekend. It was ''Race to Witch Mountain.'' She had some audio clips of some of the actors in that movie talking about it. That led to Howard and Artie goofing on the guy who was talking about how ''multi-dimensional'' Dwayne Johnson is. Howard said they should save that clip because it was so funny. He replayed the clip of the guy talking about Dwayne being so multi-dimensional and kept goofing on him.
Robin read a story about Bono talking about how bands get paid these days and how someone needs to stand up to the way things are going because people aren't getting paid the way they should. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show a short time later, right around 10:45am.
Jon said that Benjy was the only one who raised his hand and said that he wasn't necessarily gay for doing that stuff. Benjy said that he would probably have a price for doing something like that. Gary said that he might do something gay for $10 million but they'll never know until someone actually puts that money in front of him.
Gary and the guys talked about how they wanted to get Scott the Engineer to take anal from a porn star but they had to pull the plug on that. They were going to go through with it if Scott hadn't backed out.
Jon asked Gary about Robin's reaction to the mold of the guy's penis. Jon thought that it was almost common place for her. Gary said that it seemed like it was average for her. Jon said that she did say that she has had bigger guys than that before.
Gary said he doesn't want to know that Robin can handle something like that. Jon asked Gary what he thought about the guy licking himself. Gary said that he missed the licking of the penis.
Gary talked about the time that Sebastian Bach was on the show and ended up tying his penis in a knot on the show. Benjy said that Barrett just started swinging his around when Howard asked him to take it out.
Jon said that the fake penis is still hanging from Robin's booth. Gary said that they're not going to take it down until it falls off itself.
Jon played some audio of Barrett talking to Howard about tasting his own jizz. After playing that clip the guys were talking about what was going on at the time. Gary said that Barrett had asked him about tasting his own jizz and he looked at him like he was disappointed when he said ''No!''
Benjy asked if Gary has ever made out with a chick after she swallowed his load. Gary said that he's never done that and he's a selfish prick. He said he's just not up for it.
Benjy said that he didn't find it that strange when he said that he's tasted his own jizz. Gary said that he doesn't know how he tasted it, he just said that he had. Gary said he hasn't tasted it himself as far as he remembers.
Jon took some more calls and one person asked why Sal and Richard didn't go in there and do some gay stuff. Richard said that they had figured that they had already done gay stuff with a porn star before. He said that no one was really egging them on to go in there either. Jon thought that was funny that he claimed they needed some egging on.
Richard said that sometimes Doug Goodstein will ask them to go in and try to suck their own cocks or something. Jon asked Richard if he has ever tasted his own jizz. Richard said that it's delicious actually. He said he was just kidding about that and said that he has never had the desire to know what it tastes like.
Jon asked Richard if he has smelled his own jizz. Richard said that sometimes that jizz smell comes from his pecker when he doesn't shower for a few days. He said that's the only time he's ever smelled it.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if maybe Barrett is doing a character for the air when he says that he's straight. The guys discussed that for a few minutes and tried to figure out if he was actually gay or not.
Gary said that it's difficult to get an erection when there's another guy in the room if you're straight. Richard said that when they do gay stuff it's just to make Howard laugh. Benjy said that Barrett was saying that it's just his way of making money so it's almost the same thing.
A caller asked them to have Fred ask some questions of the musical guests when they come in. He said that he thinks that it would be more interesting that way. Gary said that when they have those guests in they just think that they're getting Howard's take on their music and not get into too many details. The caller said he thought it would have been great if Fred had asked some questions of Steven Adler when he was in.
Another caller asked if Gary is trying to get any of the Allman Brothers in there while they're in town. Gary said that the only one they'd be interested in is Greg Allman to perform. Gary said that he's really not a good interview though. He said that they could have them on to perform a song but then you almost have to do an interview.
Jon got back to Barrett Long and asked Gary about the question he asked of Barrett about moving into the suburbs and trying to have a normal life. Gary said that he was in the post office on line one time and asked him how that lesbian on the show looked that day. He had a nun in front of him in line so it's kind of embarrassing. He said that's the kind of stuff Barrett might have to put up with.
Jon asked Richard how he's going to explain his legacy to his kids. Richard said that he'll just tell them that he was a crazy guy and that's what he did. He said he doesn't have any regrets at this point. He said they don't think about their future when they do those bits. Richard said he'd not looking to have kids now anyway.
Gary said that Benjy found a free porn site a few weeks ago and they had video of him running the Sybian for one of their guests. He said that his son is getting to be the age when he might just run across something like that on the web some day. He said he's not sure what he'll tell his kids about that if they ever ask why he was doing it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's gay and he thinks that Barrett is straight. He said that Barrett fucking guys is no different than if one of the guys there in the studio fucked a fat chick. Gary said that there is a difference there. He said that's really not the same thing. Gary and the caller argued about that for a short time.
The guy said that he could still have sex with a woman even though he's gay. He said it's the sex part of the whole thing and not the person. The guy said that Barrett is just playing a character in those movies and he could plug any hole. The guy knew a lot about him and other gay porn stars who have gone back to their normal lives.
Jon asked Richard if his favorite porn guy, Peter North, had ever done gay porn. Richard said that those were nasty rumors and they were not true. He said that he only does women.
Another caller said that there's really no difference between fucking an asshole on a man or a woman. The guy said that it's all the same. Gary said that there's nothing wrong with being gay but there is a man/woman chemistry and that's the most common one.
Gary said that women will sometimes say that they had ''experimented'' with other women in college and that's not gay but if a guy does that, then they're gay. The caller said that he gets what Barrett was talking about with the whole thing. The caller figures that a guy's ass is going to feel the same as it does when he fucks his girlfriend in the ass.
Jon asked the guys what they thought about Barrett claiming that he had cured his father with pot. Gary said he seems to have a lot of weird theories. He thinks that he cured his father with pot and he fucks guys but isn't gay.
Another caller said that Barrett didn't sound gay to him at all. He said that you really have to have the chemistry to be gay. They spent a couple of minutes going over this over and over again.
The caller was also telling the guys how great the show is and how he really didn't want to just talk about gay sex stuff when he called in for the first time.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's surprised that they let Benjy get away with saying he wanted to taste his own jizz. That led to Gary asking Benjy if he had ever tasted his own feces. Benjy said he had no desire to do that. Gary said they had a guy come on the show one time who rubbed urine all over his face and he should get that to replay for a Master Tape Theatre show. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon brought up Tim's 12 pound weight loss. Gary said that it was like throwing a deck chair off the Queen Mary. He said he was just joking of course.
Jon said that Tim talks about how he won't be eating food like he used to but they know that's just not true. Gary said it's like talking to an alcoholic who just got out of AA 10 days ago. He said that it's not going to be easy for Tim to avoid food.
Gary said that he thinks about all of the food that he'd have to give up and how hard that would be for him. Gary said that he almost tried one of the diets that Robin was on years ago. Benjy thought they weren't supposed to mention that diet. Gary said that it was the Master Cleanse diet and Benjy made a cringing sound like it was hurting him that he said it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Robin is very annoying with the whole colonic thing. He said that she loves to rub it in that she's been on it for so long and lost the weight. Gary said that it's still working for her though so that's why she seems to be on a mission to get it to work for other people. Jon said he understands why she'd do that.
Tim Sabean came in and said that he can't predict what's going to happen 6 months from now but he thinks that he'll be able to balance what he eats better than he used to.
Gary asked Tim if his butt is sore after the enema thing. Tim said it's really not. Gary said that you have to go to the bathroom after that and just the wiping must irritate it. Tim said that you only go to the bathroom one time and that's it. You don't have to keep wiping.
Jon said that Tim apparently took 6 inches up his ass. That's what Dr. Roni said this morning. Tim said that he can carry the entire program in his pocket all day long and that's why he likes this thing. He said that it's working for him and it may not work for everyone. Jon said that's the kind of stuff that makes it sound like he drank the Kool Aid.
Tim said that he's feeling good when he gets up in the morning now. He said that if it works it's great and if it doesn't work that's fine too.
Gary asked Tim what's under his watch. Tim said it was a Kaballah thing that Jared had brought back for him. He said that he has to wear it until it wears off.
Tim said that he will eat meat once he's off the diet but he didn't eat that much before he was on the diet. Tim said he's not sure how long it will take him to get the weight off. Tim said that he's just trying to get healthy. He said he's trying to eat just good stuff and not that crap that he was eating before.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that this is no different than Howard going through the Transcendental Meditation thing. He said that it's believable that you have to get this stuff out of you after seeing the kind of crap they put in food. Gary said that the diet isn't just about being fat, it's about clearing that stuff out of your body. The caller didn't think that they were right making it sound like they were in a cult.
The caller said that he thinks that the Riley Martin show is even better than Opie and Anthony are and they should talk to Mel about getting rid of them.
Jon took a call from the guy who always goofs on the Mets. The guy said that he had a peace treaty he wanted to have with Gary. The guy explained what he wanted to do and Gary didn't want to do it. Gary said that he will be throwing out the pitch at a game that's coming up soon. He said that he'll have more information on his web site when it becomes available.
The guys talked about Howard's painting lessons and what they thought was going on with that. Gary said that he didn't think it was that big of a deal. The caller said that Howard used to pray for people to get cancer. He said that he's also not commenting on what those two idiots Opie and Anthony are saying about him.
Gary said that he's not sure that he'd wish that anyone would die and Howard really isn't about that. Benjy said that he was surprised that it hit Howard that way with Imus today.
Benjy asked Gary who he thinks Howard would save if he could save either Imus or Leno if Leno got cancer. Gary said that he thinks that Howard would probably save Leno. Benjy said that he thinks the opposite.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that Dr. Roni has the same way of speaking that Underdog Lady does and he thinks that they're all nuts. He mentioned a couple of other women who are the same way and also out of their minds.
Jon asked if Dr. Roni has moved into the green room now. Gary said that she has gotten very comfortable in there and she's almost like a part of the family.
Richard said that he had some old tapes of the calls he used to make to those shows when he was in his 20s and they inspired them to do more.
Gary said that he heard tape of this guy from a Tradio show yelling at Richard's friend when he didn't know he was on tape. Richard said that station started calling his parents so they left them alone. Richard said that everyone in that area knew each other so they all told them who he was.
Richard said that he has goofed on some shows before by asking how the weather is over and over again and there are actually some people who will do that for real out in Kansas.
A caller asked what the guys think Tim is doing on this diet and why he's on it at all. Gary said that Tim has been trying to lose weight since they got there at SIRIUS and he's really trying with this new diet. Richard said that the worst is when Howard or Artie call you fat. He said that gets him to go to the gym as soon as he hears it.
Jon said that Tim wants to get down to a weight that's just crazy. He said that he wants to get down to 200 and he's down to 255 now.
Another caller said that he thinks that Captain Janks is doing a prank with this whole thing. Gary said that it would be a lame prank because there's no punch line to it. Jon said it's funny when Steve goes in and brings up the whole Janks thing and Artie just laughs. Gary said that Steve gets stuck on a story and won't back off.
Jon asked Benjy about the excema problems that Artie was having with his arms. Benjy said that Lisa got him some cream for that and that's what Artie was using. He said that she's done the same for him in the past as well.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he loves everything that Richard does except for that gay stuff. Shuli came in around that time and gave the guys some Steve Langford quotes before they ended the show.
Howard started off the show talking about an article he was reading about a radio guy in the Daily News. Howard said that this one was about K-Rock making fun of Z-100 and how funny that is because they're aspiring to be Z-100. Howard said that they're talking about not playing commercials but they're working toward playing just as many as Z-100 has. Howard said that they're never going to be Z-100. They might be commercial free for a little while but they've never been able to beat anyone. Howard said they should just buy Z-100 and maybe play their stuff on 92.3.
Howard read that they named a new program director over at the station and he thinks that it might be this guy Curtis Kay that he hired at a station he was working at. He said that it might be the same guy. Howard said that he had hired the guy and he wonders if he's the same one. Howard said that he was a program director at WDHA and he's now wondering if that's the same guy.
Artie said that WDHA is a great station. He said he listens to that all the time. Howard said that he remembers Curtis and also said that he hired Mark Drucker who went on to work with the Zoo Keeper. Howard said that Mark died a few years ago though.
Gary told Howard that this Curtis guy is probably the right one because he went to work for WDHA back in 1980. Howard said that he's proud of Curtis and proud of himself for having hired him.
Artie said that WDHA is a great station and he guesses that Curtis has been there the whole time he's been listening. Howard said he's not sure that he wants to have Curtis on the show but he might be Facebook friends with him or something.
Robin said that someone went on Facebook and impersonated her after Howard said that he had set up his account. Howard said that he doesn't like Facebook and he doesn't want to know when Chris Booker ''is tired'' or ''is bored.''
Gary said that he got a note from an old friend who was making sausage and peppers at the time. He said he doesn't know what to do with that information.
Howard said the guys want that competition to be very desirable one day so the girls aspire to be Miss Howard TV of the year. Howard said that one of the girls ended up on an MTV show called Hedser Hall. Artie said that he was really into that chick. Howard said that the show will be coming out soon and he watched it and loved it.
Gary came in and confirmed the picture of Curtis Kay. Howard said that was definitely him. He said that he looks older now. Howard hasn't seen him in about 30 years.
Howard had a Facebook post from Mike Gange where he's talking about how he needs a vacation. Howard said that's the reason he doesn't want to be on Facebook. He doesn't need to know that Gange needs a vacation.
Howard said that Sal went up to Harlem to interview some people up there about the Chris Brown and Rihanna thing. He asked the people if they thought it was wrong what Chris Brown did. Howard said that he was right and no one was bad mouthing the guy for doing what he did.
Howard played some of the interviews that Sal did and the first guy was basically saying that it's okay to beat up a woman if they get out of line. Sal asked the guy what he would have done if his woman was hitting him in the car. The guy said he would have done the same thing and that's what the cops would do too.
Howard played the next interview and the two people he asked both said that they thought the media were treating Chris Brown unfairly. They were also saying that they weren't there so they don't know what really happened. Howard said that this was a woman saying this too.
Sal asked that couple if they would let their daughter date Chris Brown. They had no problem with it and said that no one saw what happened so they don't know that it was wrong.
Sal asked another guy if he thought it was unfair what the media were doing to Chris Brown. The guy said everyone is guilty and they can't judge anyone, that's what God does. The guy was also joking about how he'd let his daughter date Chris Brown so she can get that money.
Howard asked Sal if he found anyone who said that Chris Brown did the wrong thing. Sal said that there were actually one or two. He said that the goal was to find the people who were saying what Howard was saying they would say. Robin said he could have thrown in one or two. Sal said he almost got his ass kicked out there but ''they were good people.''
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Howard said that she suffered a traumatic brain injury. Howard said he knows Natasha and just had a long conversation with her last week. He said that he knows Natasha and Liam, but maybe now that well. He said that he had spoken to Liam about his movie ''Taken'' and how great he thought it was. He said he was talking to Liam about how you'd think that it would have made a great James Bond. Howard said that he pulled off that movie that could have been mundane in another actor's hands.
Howard said that movie could have gone horribly wrong but Liam made it great. Howard said that when they made it Liam thought it might not be all that great and it might go directly to DVD. Howard said they released it and it has made a fortune. Howard said that it's surprising to Liam that it's doing so well.
Howard said he was talking to Natasha about how great Liam would have been as a James Bond and she admitted that she told Liam not to do ''Taken'' and tried to talk him out of it.
Howard said that it's weird that Natasha may not even exist anymore if this brain injury is as bad as it could be. Howard said that she was very nice and very beautiful.
Howard said that he tells Gary not to do this skiing thing. He said that his cousin Paul was once on the show and he used to ski. Howard said that his parents never had the money to go skiing. Robin said that they could have rented the equipment. Howard said that Paul had to have the cartilage in his knee removed because he had an accident. He said he knows that people don't belong on skis. Howard said that he tells people to stay off of skis.
Robin said that she used to ski all the time. She said that she was pretty good too. Robin said that she stopped doing it because she lived so far from the good ski areas.
Howard said that man doesn't belong on skis sliding down hills. He said that a lot of people think they're in control on skis and they're really not. Robin and Gary argued that man wasn't supposed to be in a moving car or on a bicycle either. Gary said that everything you do is dangerous. Howard said that you make your own fun and you don't need fun. He said that napping is fun.
Howard said he had to kick Robin out of his office so he could sleep yesterday. He was showing her the noise machine he has so he can fall asleep and turned it on for her.
Gary said that he takes his whole family out skiing and the kids like to go really fast. He told them about how easy it is to get hurt and told them about the accidents that Sonny Bono and the Kennedy Family have had. Artie said he knew a guy who almost died skiing. He said that his friend skied into a snow making machine.
Howard said that he wouldn't let his kids play in football if they wanted to. He said that if he had a son he wouldn't have let him play football. He would let them play other sports like baseball though. Howard said he knows guys who played football in school and they're injured and still talk about it to this day about how they wouldn't do it over again after knowing what they have to go through with those injuries. Howard said he knows about 5 guys who are that way.
Howard said that they all tell him about the injuries but Robin and Gary said that not everyone who has been injured have told him about it. Howard said that not everyone gets hurt either. Howard said that there are some who can play and never get injured. Those that are hurt do complain to him though.
Howard said that he had a 700 gallon aquarium years ago. He said he asked the guy who maintained it if he thought it was suffering for those fish. The guy told him that fish don't swim in much more of an area than that 700 gallons so he figured he was right. Robin said that she has seen fish in a big aquarium and the fish swim in bigger patterns if the tank is bigger. Howard said that she's no expert and she doesn't know that. Robin said that she's not an expert but she has seen them swim around in a bigger tank. Howard said that's not what she's seeing.
Robin said she read that there was a swimming race down in Australia and they were joined by sharks while they were swimming. Howard said he would never go swimming in Australia after all of the shark stories he's heard. He said that people have to be nuts to do that down there.
Artie said that he had a great time playing sports in high school. Howard said that if he told him he had to get his knee drained of fluid every day then it wouldn't have been worth it. Artie said that he had a great time doing it though.
Gary said that he's not going to ski or play football anymore. Howard said that if Gary skis into a tree with those beaver teeth, he should have no problem going right through it. Howard told Gary if he wants to have fun he should just beat off. Howard told him to tell the kids that's what they should do.
Howard said that Beth was out of town so he decided to beat off last night. He went through the rolodex in his mind and beat off quickly and fiercely. He said he didn't even like it that much but he wanted to do it for his prostate and for his fans.
Howard said that he doesn't have to jerk off as much anymore since Beth services his needs. Howard said that he has read that guys who masturbate too much could get prostate cancer though. He said that it has to be the most depressing thing for a guy when they find out about having cancer down there.
Howard said that he expressed that he was kind of sad for Imus yesterday and Robin was saying that she didn't care at all. Howard said that David Hinkley wrote it up as if it was Robin's comments that they were talking about on the show. Howard read through some articles about what he said. Howard said that he was thinking about himself while he was reading about Imus and that might be why he was feeling sad. Howard said that Robin gave him an attitude adjustment.
Howard said that the St. Patrick's Day Parade is depressing to him. He said that it's just awful when the people out on the street are vomiting. He said he hates the parades because no one seems to know how to behave. He said that the worst people show up at those things and they do horrible, horrible things. Robin said that they should just arrest everyone who shows up. Howard said that the parades are dangerous too and you should avoid them like you should avoid skiing. Robin agreed with him on that.
Howard played some old tape of Sal and Richard going out and interviewing some people at the St. Patrick's Day parade. They had some crazy drunk people talking about what their parade is all about. One woman was saying that it was about the people with white skin. There were some others who were cursing and screaming while slurring their answers.
Everyone sounded like they were looking for a fight. Artie said that he was one of those assholes who used to come into the city for the parade. He said he did that from 1983 to 1994 or so. Artie said that they got so drunk one time they forgot to go to a Knick game while they were watching the game on TV.
Howard said he got a lot of e-mail. He had some about Robin and Tim's enemas. There were people saying that pumping stuff into your ass is just wrong. Robin said that no one is pumping anything. There were others who compared doing that to smoking. No one was sure where that comparison came from.
Howard said that Robin did get some praise. He said that during the discussion about Ron Silver Robin said it was best not to bring it up. Some people thought that was right for Robin to let him know that it's best not to bring it up.
Artie told a story about a guy he knew really well who got cancer and died just weeks after he saw him for the last time. He said that he knew the guy really well though so he shared stories about his cancer. Howard didn't know Ron that well.
Howard said that they had that guy Barrett Long on the show yesterday talking about being in gay porn and claiming that he's a straight man. Some people sent in e-mail about him. There were some who thought that he was gay and he's trying to hide from that so that's why he smokes weed.
Howard said that there was a lot of mail about Robin claiming that she has taken on an 11 inch penis before. There were some who said that it's no wonder Jim Florentine broke up with her. Robin said that it's not like she did it all the time.
Howard had some audio of Benjy talking about tasting his own jizz after making out with a girl when she has had his load in her mouth. Gary told Benjy that he's a selfish prick and he won't kiss a girl after that. Benjy said that he has tasted it before.
Howard told Benjy that it's crazy to taste that. Benjy said that it's not that crazy. Howard said that he'd like to know if he would taste his own doody too. Gary actually asked him about that yesterday. Howard said Richard and Benjy talked about tasting their own urine and they'd be willing to do it for 5 grand.
Howard asked Benjy how many times he's tasted his jizz. Benjy said it's probably twice. He said the second time he was hungry. Fred said he'd like to be able to put Benjy in a bubble. He said that maybe those smells that come off of him are on days that he's tasted his cum. Fred said it was mind blowing thinking about that stuff.
Artie said that he has never tasted his own jizz and he has never tasted his own boogers. Howard said that he had to get off of that subject because he was going to throw up.
Howard said that Rolling Stone recently changed the size of their magazine and he stopped reading it after that. Howard said that it just doesn't have the same vibe anymore. He said that the size turned him off.
Howard said he's been reading GQ lately. He said he likes that. He talked about some sneakers that he liked in the magazine and said that he told Ralph to get him some of those.
Howard said he loves sweat pants but he usually hates the type with string on them. He said he found this guy Michael Jordan who makes sweat pants. He said that he knows how to make sweat pants and they're perfect. Howard said they have elastic on the waist and they're not too tight. Artie said he likes Polo. Howard told him to just try the Michael Jordan sweats. He said that the guy has a good product. Howard said that he really likes the product and he's not getting anything from them.
Artie said his sister helped design the Polo sweats so that's why he had them. Howard told Artie to get the Michael Jordan sweats in black, they're very slimming.
Artie had brought in Slash's book to show Howard how good looking Steven Adler was when he was younger. Howard said he really was a good looking guy. They had to go to break after that.
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Howard came back and said that he really liked Pink Floyd and wondered what happened to them. Fred said that Roger Waters may have been taking too much control of the band and they ended up splitting up over it. Howard said he knows Roger Waters. He said that he meets a lot of people out in the Hamptons. Fred said that he is a very unique individual.
Howard said he met Roger at Jon Bon Jovi's party. He also met Bruce Springsteen there. Bruce ended up walking away when he said he got a phone call from his wife but he thinks that it was just a move he was making.
Howard said that he never knows what kind of move people are going to make when he approaches them. Howard said that he talks about everyone and he doesn't remember talking about them. He'll have them come up to him and complain about what he said and he doesn't even remember it.
Robin said that she had a guy tell her that Howard had ruined his life. She didn't even know who he was. Robin said she was at a tennis match one time and this woman came up to her and said that she thought she knew her. She was holding her hand and when she told her that she was Robin from the Howard Stern Show, she dropped her hand and walked away from her. Robin said that woman is the older black woman on ''Lost'' who is married to the white guy.
Howard said that you don't know what people's reactions are going to be when he goes to parties. He said that he got an invitation recently to a party and he was wondering who was going to be there so he knows what he's going to be in for. Howard said that he'd rather hide at home than go out to parties like that.
Robin said that they used to have to hide from Sue Simmons over at NBC back when they worked there. Howard used to drag her into the stair well so they could avoid her at NBC.
Lisa had a story about Underdog Lady, Suzanne Muldowney, and how she was in a St. Patrick's Day parade where some Stern Fans yelled stuff out at her. The fans contacted the news team and told their story about being confronted by Underdog Lady. Howard said that someone actually did catch that on tape and put it up on YouTube. JD was working on pulling the clip for him.
Howard pointed out that Artie was eating Honey Nut Cheerios this morning. Artie said that he loves them and he's hooked on them right now. He said that he's stopped getting the breakfast burrito lately. Howard told Artie that he used to be a good looking dude and he really has to cut back on the food.
Howard got the audio from JD of the guys being confronted by Underdog Lady. She was correcting them about her name being just ''Underdog'' without the ''lady.'' Suzanne told them that it was Underdog's 45th anniversary and the guy said that he had no idea. While she was telling them this there were fire engine sirens going on behind them. Howard said he didn't know how loud they actually were.
Howard said that people love to talk to Suzanne. He said he feels bad for her. He said that she's so irritated with the fans when they just say ''Howard Stern'' to her.
Lisa G said that they had a Stern Show shout out for the Yahoo crossword puzzle yesterday. Sal the Stockbroker was one of the answers.
Howard read that LiveNation is refusing to talk about the latest way to gouge fans. Howard said that there are other places that charge per car instead. Howard said he's just going to go to Jones Beach since they don't charge for parking.
The guys talked about how the artists aren't getting any of that money. Howard said that there are some people who take the bus to the events and they don't get why they'd have to pay to get in there. There's also a 25 cent charity fee that they're collecting and people are wondering what's up with that since charity is supposed to be voluntary. Howard said that it's like they're defying anyone to go to any concert these days.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that High Pitch Mike was calling someone a fag on the show the other day. Howard said that Mike was calling himself and Ralph a fag.
Howard read some news about Bernie Madoff. He said that there are some people trying to figure out what he did with all of his money. Howard said they were also talking about this guy from India whose name was something like ''Onurag Dickshit.'' Howard thought that name was pretty funny. The guys goofed on that for a short time.
Howard said that Jon Stewart had Jim Cramer on The Daily Show. Robin said that it was a great interview and Jon really nailed Cramer. Howard said that he read that Jon's real last name is ''Liebowitz'' and he didn't know that he had changed his name. Robin said that he couldn't have been Stewart. He's Jewish.
Robin told Howard about the Stewart interview and how he had old tape of Jim Cramer doing stuff on a show where he just nailed him. Robin said that Cramer was misleading people and admitting to it on this old tape. Robin said that Cramer claims to be an up and up guy but Jon nailed him on all of that stuff.
Fred said that both songs sucked so it didn't matter. He didn't think that anyone would go through anything to steal a song from KISS. He didn't think that Bruce would do something like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he went to see that Battlestar Galactica special last night. Robin said that they can't talk about it. She said that the final episode was good but that's all she can say. She said that some of the stars from the show were there. She said they were able to ask some questions after the show.
Howard said that he could have gone but didn't go. Robin said that the guys who created the show were great at answering questions about the series. Howard said that they haven't explained much of anything in the series so far so he hopes that they do in the final episode.
Howard said that he really wants them to answer some of this stuff. Howard said that there are so many unanswered questions. Robin said that they have answered some of those. The caller said that they're supposed to have a special this summer that's going to explain the back story to the Cylons.
Howard asked if Jon Hein liked the last episode. Robin said that he did. She said that they had to take an oath and sign a piece of paper saying that they wouldn't talk about this episode. Jon came in and said that they can't reveal anything. Jon said he felt the episode was strong and some of the questions Howard had will be answered.
Jon said that Jason and Scott the Engineer were also there yesterday. Howard wondered if Scott smiled or anything during the show. Robin said that she wasn't watching Scott so she's not sure. Howard asked if it was better in a theater. Jon said he rally liked it in the theater. Robin said that they do great special effects so it was very good in the theater.
Howard said they should give him a screener. He said that they're assholes for not giving him one. He said he's not going to go out and show it to anyone. Howard said that he can't stand these guys who don't give him screeners. Howard said he doesn't know how to upload that stuff to the internet.
Howard took a call from John Boy who wanted to do some comedy material for them and get their opinions. Howard told him that he knows that he's not a funny guy. He said that he could have just called in and asked if he was good enough instead of being so inarticulate. John Boy was making references to Sal's comedy coach and he wasn't being funny and he was explaining his stuff to much.
Howard told John Boy to tell him some of his material. John told a joke that was supposed to be his best one but Fred ended up playing cricket chirping sounds. Howard said that he was going to give that joke an F minus.
John had another one and said that he would never call in with this stuff again if it was bad. He had a joke about Octomom and how she's like a cockroach. Howard said that his delivery was really bad and he's never heard a delivery like that before. John kept going with the jokes but they weren't going over very well. Fred threw in the Letterman bass ''Bwaaawww'' clip.
Howard said that he wanted to hear one more from John Boy. John said that he didn't want to give away too much of his stuff. He was afraid that Artie was ''sketching down'' all of his stuff. Howard corrected him on the sketching comment and said that all of his comments were just off.
Howard and Artie joked that Bob Levy might be calling him to do some comedy shows. Howard said that there are some people who think that he tries too hard to be funny when he calls in. John said that he's going to give up on his dream to be a comedian if that's what they think about his comedy.
Howard had Sour Shoes on the phone. He was doing his Jackie the Joke Man impression and telling bad jokes. Howard hung up on him. Another caller said that his jokes were so bad that they weren't even bad jokes. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and took a call from a guy who asked if anyone there had ever heard Eric the Midget laugh. The guy said that he's never heard him laugh and he thinks that he'd suffocate and die if he did. Howard said he thinks that he did laugh once. JD came in and said that he has seen him laugh on his Idol show before but it's a real quick thing.
Howard had Eric on the phone so he picked up on him. Eric said that he doesn't have a problem with anyone there but callers like that guy are. Howard said that he just wanted to know if he ever laughed. Eric said that of course he laughs, everyone laughs. Howard said the guy was just asking about his laugh and he wouldn't know the answer.
Eric said that he gets mad at stupid ass fans like him because they prank call him on his cell. Eric said that he gave out his number on a message board accidentally one time. He said that he had copied an e-mail one time.
Howard had some audio of Eric laughing so he played that. It was a really quick laugh like a chipmunk. Eric said that he does laugh when he watches TV shows and stuff. He said that he watches ''Two and a Half Men'' and shows like that. He said he doesn't like anything on NBC though.
Howard asked Eric if he contacted that guy from The Bachelor. Eric said that he did get in touch with him and he will be meeting with him eventually. His name is Robert Mills. Eric said that he called Robert once and left him a voice mail and Robert called him back.
Robin asked what the conversation was about. Eric said it was about a job. He said that he's not looking for him to be on The Bachelor, they'd do a totally new project. Eric thanked Howard for putting him in touch with him. Howard said that Robert told him that he's for real and he wants to meet with him and talk to him about doing something.
Eric asked if he's ever going to change and start calling him Eric the Actor. Howard said that he will do that when he gets his own TV show. Artie said that he'll call him Eric the Midget Actor. Eric told the fat ass to shut up as usual.
Eric told the guys that he had to take his store down because one of the fans reported him to SSI. He had to go to a bunch of hoops to clear that up because of that. Howard said that the fans are shitheads. He said that's just low to do something like that. The guy is just trying to make a little money, he doesn't get much. Howard said that he doesn't mind his tax money going to Eric. Howard told Eric to send SSI a picture of himself and they'll understand.
Artie told him not to send audio because they'll hate him. Fred threw in the ''I'm club fuckin' footed you asswipe'' after Artie mentioned not sending the audio.
Howard said that's ridiculous that someone turned him in. He said the creep who turned him in is going to rot in hell. He can't believe that someone would turn Eric in for something like that. Eric said that the guy didn't know which office to turn him into either so he reported him to two different ones. He said that they threatened to shut off his assistance.
Eric said that he can't make the extra bucks now. Howard asked how that affected his lifestyle. Eric said that he wasn't able to get a few things that he wanted to get. Artie joked that he was the one who turned him in. Howard said that he knew it was Artie. Artie said that he would never rat a kid out like that. Artie wished Eric luck ripping off SSI as Howard was saying goodbye to him.
Howard said that he didn't care at the time and he was only thinking of himself. He said that it's just not the right thing to do. He said he doesn't go along with that. He said he understands why some people use that service but he had some bad feelings when he did it.
Howard said that the woman he banged told him why she was getting sex outside of the marriage and they all had different reasons. He said he had maybe 3 different married women. Howard said he feels guilty about that. The caller told him to check his pockets for a cock.
Howard said that the guy on the phone may feel something some day. The guy asked if he could stay on hold to listen to the show. Howard said he could if he took back the cock comment.
Robin said she had an affair with a married man and she would never do that again. She said it was horrible. Artie said that he woke up with a chick one morning and she told him that she was out at her Bachelorette party. He said that freaked the fuck out of him because she got married a week later.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that he can't believe that they're upset about Eric making a few bucks while all of this AIG and Bernie Madoff stuff is going on. They're worried about Eric making 11 bucks on a few pictures.
Howard said that he had the SEC investigating him when he said he was moving to SIRIUS and they had maybe 10 people in the room at the same time. He said that they grilled him for hours that day when he had the meeting and he didn't even know the answers to the questions. Meanwhile this Bernie Madoff thing was going on and they were doing nothing about it.
Ratso told Howard about some of the stuff they're writing about and filled him in on the case where this woman accused Mike of rape.
Ratso told Howard that he always wanted to work with Mike on a book and he had sent him some stuff when he was in jail. He said that he was told he had to audition first and it came down to two people and he had to fly out to meet Mike out in Vegas. They were doing auditions for this book. Ratso said that he was kind of nervous to meet the guy.
Howard said that he would be nervous too because Mike is such a hot head. Robin said that he is a bit of an extremist. Howard said that he heard that some people saw him in a restaurant and no one was approaching him at this place because they're so afraid of him.
Ratso said he flew out to Las Vegas to meet with Mike and he was there shooting a video with the band The Killers. Ratso said that this one guy got out of the limo and told Mike that he had put on a few pounds and Mike just laughed it off. Howard said that was that day, he must have been in a good mood that day.
Ratso said that Mike has gained a few pounds but he is back in the gym trying to take some of that off. Ratso said that Mike wasn't saying much the day he met him. He said he told Mike that he was the one who sent him the Nici book while he was in jail. After the interview he was getting ready to leave and Mike asked him why he sent him that Nici book. Ratso told him that he thought he needed some inspiration and that's all there was to it and Mike thanked him.
Ratso said that he and Mike work together well and he's been staying with Penn Jillette out there in Vegas. He said that he doesn't stay with Mike right now but they may get to that point eventually.
Ratso said that Mike is very sensitive and he starts tearing up when he talks about Customato. Robin said that he's always like that when he talks about him.
Ratso said that Mike tells him that he never thought he was going to live this long because the people he grew up with are already dead or in jail.
Howard asked Ratso if Tyson has talked about his marriage to Robin Givens and the alleged abuse there. Ratso said that they will get into that more because her book was so filled with inaccuracies. He said he wants to give Mike the chance to give his side of the story.
Ratso said that Todd Phillips put Mike into a movie and he has only one scene but he's great in it. He said that he steals the movie. Howard said that it sounds like Mike is multi-dimensional.
Howard asked Ratso if all of Mike's friends left him when he lost his money. Ratso said that they all left him and he has just one good friend now. Ratso said that Mike told him that he was down sizing but he's still got a nice sized house. He has two great managers now and they're helping him out with all of that now.
Ratso said that Mike made a good deal for video games and they're going to have a Fight Night game where Tyson and Ali will finally be able to fight.
Howard asked Ratso if Tyson still video tapes the girls he's with so he can prove that he didn't rape anyone. Ratso said he doesn't know anything about that.
Howard asked what he does all day. Ratso said that he's doing community service type stuff. He said that he stays busy during the day.
Howard asked Ratso when Tyson found time to do coke. Ratso said that he started doing coke when he was 11 years old and he admitted that he smoke pot before a fight one time to calm himself down.
Ratso said that he was a little nervous going in to meet with Mike the first time they were going to work together so he had to break the ice with something. He decided to ask him to talk about pigeons. Ratso said that Mike's face lit up when he asked him to talk about that.
Ratso said that Mike's mother died when he was a teen and he really didn't have any anchors in his life until he met Customato. Then he died and he was handed off to another guy who was also sick and didn't tell Mike about it. He said that Mike felt betrayed by that and he had no one to tell him what to do.
Gary said that Ratso isn't being honest about Tyson's weight. He had some pictures and said that he looks like he's in High Pitch Eric territory. Howard checked out the pictures and said that he is obese. Ratso said that he's not like Al Goldstein. Robin said that he is fat for a fighter.
Ratso said that he was in town and said that he was there to try and make a deal for this book. They hadn't done a deal yet so they had to pitch a proposal for it. He said that the proposal is 92 pages long and they're usually just 20 pages. Howard said that 92 pages is a whole book. Howard let Ratso go a short time later.
Artie said that he just finished the Houdini book that Ratso wrote and it was really good. It took him over a year to read it though.
Howard played some audio of Tyson going off on some reporters in a press conference. Howard said that was the Lennox Lewis fight press conference. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back from break and asked why his overhead speakers weren't working. He tried to get them working while the song was playing.
Howard said they had a new Miss Howard TV to introduce but they also had Miss Howard TV for the year. Brenda Acevedo was the winner of the Miss Howard TV of The Year contest. Howard said that she's a big Artie fan too. Artie said he didn't remember her at all. He said that he must not have been there. Howard said that Brianna was the runner up.
Howard talked to Brenda about her love of Artie and how she had never met him before. She said that she has gone to many of his shows but she's never met him. Artie asked her where she lives. She said that she's in May's Landing so it's just about 15 minutes from him.
Howard said that it's a funny thing with Brenda. He said he knows she has a boyfriend who is a professional poker player. She gets really jealous when women talk to her boyfriend. Howard said that when they're so possessive he thinks that her boyfriend is just like her and a bit of a player. Brenda said that she's Puerto Rican and she thinks that what's her's is her's. She said that she does flirt with guys a lot but she's always like that.
Howard asked Brenda if she's into chicks. She said that she doesn't do stuff like that. She doesn't show her boobs or anything either. Howard said that she was thinking of getting a breast reduction too. She said that's still an option. She said that they're big but they don't hang really low or stick up too high.
Gary said that they all think that her boobs are fake. Howard told Gary not to try that, they know that they're real.
Brenda asked Robin how big she was before her reduction. Robin said that they were so big she wasn't sure what the right size was. She said that she was told not to reduce hers but she feels much better about herself since then.
Brenda said she's not afraid of having scars since she doesn't show them to a lot of people. Robin told her to be careful because she has seen some botched reductions. Brenda said that so many women have had something done to their boobs and it wouldn't be that big of a deal. Howard told her that she's a real woman and she shouldn't reduce them. She's got what women are aspiring to.
Howard said that Brenda is hot and she won this Miss Howard TV of the Year thing. He said that she shouldn't reduce them because that's what she's being hired for. Howard said that no Miss Howard TV is going to have a breast reduction.
Howard said that no one was more self confident than Robin. He said that maybe hers were drooping or something. Robin said that she had back pain from her's. Howard told Brenda to just paint her toenails when she thinks about getting a breast reduction. Howard said that Robin did the wrong thing and she was just bored and looking for the next thing to do.
Howard said that the Miss Howard TV competition special is on this Thursday night. He said that she won a diamond and gold necklace from Steven Singer Jewelers. Brenda said she didn't know what it was going to be like but she will wear it every day for the next year. Howard said that all of these women who are in Playboy always wear the bunny but this is what they're really going to want now.
Brenda said that she asked her boyfriend if it would be okay for Artie to touch her boobs. She said that he was fine with it. She wasn't sure she wanted Artie to touch them with his rash on his arms though. Artie said it was just some dry skin.
Brenda told Artie to be gentle with her. Artie said that he would and he went right over and touched her boobs. Artie said that he has never had that kind of control before and he wasn't squeezing them. Brenda said that she was getting turned on when he was touching her. She said that she might pleasure herself thinking about that.
Artie told Brenda that her boyfriend is very lucky. Brenda said that Artie was actually too soft with her. Howard let her go after that. Artie said that he will be pleasuring himself to her later today.
Howard asked to see her behind so she turned right around. Howard said that she had a great body. He said she has 32-D breasts and she's only 5'1'' tall.
Howard read some details about Christie and read that she likes to tape herself with other women. Her husband likes to watch that stuff. Howard read that she once tied up a friend with panty hose and pleasured the other girl. Howard asked her for details on that. She filled him in on all of the details. She told Howard about all of that and Howard said ''Look at the fun I missed!''
Howard asked how often Christie masturbates. She said that she does it pretty often and once got caught in a tanning booth. Christie said that she thought she had locked the door in there and she started to play with herself and then the door flew open. She said she got a little embarrassed by that.
Artie asked what they're doing while all of that stuff is going on. Howard said they're there entertaining people, that's what they're doing.
Howard read that Christie has had sex in a car in a park, against the wall of a church and other places. Howard and Artie were speechless after some of that stuff.
Howard asked if they could see her boobs. Christie said that she was willing to show them. She took them right out and Howard said that it was a good boob job. He said they looked good and she had small nipples which he likes.
Howard asked Christie if she had ever been on the Sybian. She hadn't been on one but she was willing to try it out. Howard told her that it might be good for her.
Howard said that Christie is going to be on Howard TV all next month. He had the guys set up the Sybian for her. Howard asked her some more questions while they were getting that ready. Howard said that he finds it hard to believe that Christie has had sex with other men while her husband watches. She had told a story about having sex with a Hasidic guy while her husband watched.
Howard asked how that went down. She said that they were at a party and they did it there at the party in a back room. She said that her friend dared her to go back in the room with him and do something with him. She didn't think anything was going to happen but it obviously did.
The Sybian was ready so Howard had Christie get on. He told her to give a genuine reaction and not make anything up. Christie said that she can sometimes masturbate up to 10 times a day. Howard was surprised by that.
Howard told Christie to take her bottoms off when she asked if she should. She was fully shaved. She was wondering what was up with the head gear that Gary had on. Gary asked her if she wanted him to take it off and she told him it was fine to leave it on.
Howard had Gary turn on the Sybian and Christie had already started grabbing her breasts. Gary turned up the power a little bit and she started moaning and telling him to give it to her more. She was finished about a minute or so later.
Howard said that Christie was shaking after that. Christie said that was so fucking hot and she's never had something like that before. Gary asked her if she wanted to go again since it was just one of the 10 she'd probably be doing today.
Howard asked Christie if she's ever considered porn. She said that she has been told to do it before but she's never really thought about doing it.
Christie told a story about having a patient in a chair, while she was a Dental Assistant, who pleasured herself there. She said that the doctor didn't know what she was doing until he got up and when he saw what was going on he asked her what she was doing. The woman just kept going and didn't know what to say. Howard had to wrap up with her a short time later. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that he forgot to give some plugs earlier. He said that Brenda can be found at BrendaLynn.com and Christie at Myspace.com/PlayGirl729
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they had any games to play. Howard talked to the guy about Dancing with the Stars for a minute before getting to a game. Howard said that he just can't get into that show anymore.
Howard had this game where Sal asks some questions with some random black people. The caller has to guess if the black guy is going to be able to answer the question. Howard played a couple of examples for the guy so he could get a feel for the guy they were asking.
Howard said that the game really didn't make much sense because they questioned a bunch of different black people instead of just one guy. Gary told Howard that it's just one guy. He didn't know why he was saying it was more than one.
Howard told the guy he had to get just one right and he'll give him the $500 prize he had from the people at MyVu. The caller said he needed that money too.
Howard played the next question which was ''Who was the first black player to break the black baseball player barrier?'' The guy knew the answer which was Jackie Robinson. Howard gave the guy his $500 prize for his win.
Howard played the rest of the questions which included...
Steve said that they do a lot of stories about Artie and Robin too. He said they do a lot on everyone. Steve said that they have a story about Greg Fitzsimmons marching in the parade today in New York City. He also has a story about Brent Hatley's friend dying at the young age of 33.
Howard had Jon Hein come in next with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon went through the list of things that they'd be covering today. They ended up talking about Brenda and Christie for a few minutes. Howard said that you really don't know what to do with a woman because you don't know if you're doing something too hard or too soft.
Robin also talked about how Kevin Metheney once pretended to adjust his radio knobs on her chest one of the first times she had met him. Artie said that he was working with Bill Macy on The Norm Show years ago and one day he was on the set and Nikki Cox introduced herself to Bill and Bill said ''Wow! My name is Bill Pussy!'' when he heard her name.
Jon tried to finish up his Wrap Up Show preview but the guys ended up talking about Carley Simon after Artie sang one of her songs. Howard said that Carley told him who the song ''You're So Vain'' was about but he's actually forgotten about who it was. He said that it was a mix of 3 people and he forgot two of the three people and he wasn't even sure if he was supposed to say that on the air.
Robin started off her news with a story about a new product that a German company is coming out with called ''Obama Fingers'' which is chicken fingers. Howard said that's just gross sounding and people are such assholes. He said he doesn't even want to hear about something like that.
Robin read a story about Jay Leno's free concert. Howard said that it's funny how it times out with his new TV show. Robin said that it's in April and his new show doesn't start until June. Howard said that it's still to get him publicity. Robin said that Jay talked about how there were some of the free tickets available on eBay. Howard said that Jay is a fuckin' liar and he wasn't on eBay himself, someone handed him that information.
Howard said that Jay is a liar. He said that Letterman would probably just give money to a charity quietly. He said that Jay loves all of this attention.
Howard said that Jay tried to give him a knock last night when he introduced Jim Norton saying that he's part of the most popular satellite radio show, the Opie and Anthony Show. Howard said that's such a lame move and he should really just come out and say ''Howard Stern is a dick'' instead. He said that he'd respect him more if he did that.
Robin read that Borat is up to his antics again and he was able to get into a National Guard base under the guise that he was a German reporter. Howard said that he's actually doing his character Bruno and not Borat. Robin said that one of the troops recognized Sacha Baron Cohen in the camp and told his superiors about it. Howard said he's heard that the new movie is very funny with the Bruno character he does.
Howard was still going off on Leno about how lame he is. He saw that he had a caller who wanted to complain about him bashing Leno so much. Howard said he has to fill 5 hours of show. Howard took the call anyway and explained to the guy that he's not upset about Stuttering John moving to the Tonight Show. He said he's happy that John got that job. He said that Jay took a guy from his show and went behind his back to do it. He said that it worked out well for him and well for John but Jay was a scumbag about it. Howard said that he would call someone before doing something like that.
Fred asked Howard if he ever talks to Letterman about Leno. Howard said that he and Dave really don't talk anymore so they don't talk about anything. He said that Dave never really talked about Leno in the past. He said that he doesn't think that he minds that Jay got the Tonight Show, but he's upset about the way he got it. He said that it was all secretive and behind the back kind of stuff. Artie said that Letterman has made better deals with CBS so it worked out for him in the end.
Howard said that Jay is very cut throat and it's just not cool. Artie said that Leno pretends that he's not into the petty bullshit of show business but it's so obvious that he is.
Robin got back to her news and talked about Jackie Mason getting into some trouble by using the word schwartza to describe President Obama. She had some tape of him responding to some questions about it and Jackie doesn't think it should be that big of a deal since he uses worse words to describe the Jews.
Robin read some news about this Earth Hour thing that's happening soon. Howard said that he's not interested in that at all. He said that he's interested in Earth Day but not just an hour.
Robin read some news about Steve-O being sidelined on Dancing with the Stars with a back injury. Howard said that it's amazing that a guy that staples his nuts to his leg is sidelined with a back problem. Robin said that Steve Wozniak also injured his foot on the show. There was another guy who injured himself as well but the name wasn't very familiar. Artie said that he was trying to watch that show but it was very hard and he just couldn't do it.
Robin read some news about a woman who was shot in the chest with an arrow in New York City. She had some audio of that woman talking about what happened to her. Robin said that they're still looking for where the arrow came from. Howard said that someone must know what they did now that this story is out in the news. Howard said that he's not sure he'd come forward if he did something like that. He said he'd just keep quiet and hope that no one finds out. Howard said that he knows the American Indians are upset about their deal with Manhattan so maybe that's who shot her.
Robin read some news about the St. Patrick's Day Parade that's going on today. She also had some history on who St. Patrick was and why he became a saint.
Howard said he had to replay the clips of Sal and Richard interviewing this guy at the parade one year. He said he loves playing that. The guy they were interviewing was cursing and yelling about the parade and about blacks, homosexuals and all kinds of other stuff. Artie said that guy sounds a lot like Colin Quinn actually.
Robin said that they had a story on 60 Minutes on Saturday and she believes in eating all fresh food. She started an anti-fast food movement and she's trying to get people to grow their own food. Howard didn't like the sounds of that. Robin had some audio of the mayor of San Francisco talking about how great she has been. He was also talking about how we consume lousy food in this country.
Howard figured that Robin was just playing that stuff because she's so behind it. Gary said that JD came to him this morning and asked him to pull that stuff for her and he wondered what she was up to. Robin said that some day people will be talking about this the way they talk about cigarettes.
Yucko the Clown called in and wished everyone a Happy St. Patrick's Day. He also said that he thinks he got Pink Eye from Gary the Retard out in Las Vegas. Howard said that maybe it's from the clown make-up or his filthy costume.
Artie suggested that he drop the Yucko character for his health. Yucko told him to drop the heroin for his career. Howard let Yucko get in a plug for a gig he's doing on April 4th up in Boston. Yucko didn't know where it was going to be at right away. He eventually said it'll be at Club Pearl up there. Find out more at RevBobLevy.com
Double A called in and told Howard that it was great with the Miss Howard TV girls on to make up for that gay stuff yesterday. Double A also got in a plug for Scott Ferrall's show tonight.
Robin had some news about AIG and the way they're handling their handing out of bonuses. President Obama is trying to stop the handing out of those bonuses.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has a problem with Robin and this eating thing. He said that the government is eventually going to tell people what they can eat, how much they can eat and smoke. The guy said that he wants to be able to eat whatever the hell he wants and it's none of their business. Robin said that she's not behind national health care and she never said anything about that. Robin said that she thinks that people should control what they eat, not the government.
Robin had more audio clips of people talking about the AIG thing so she had Howard play those. Robin had some audio of someone responding to Dick Cheney's comments about the Obama administration.
Robin read that Madonna is thinking about adopting another child. She said that she had a lot of controversy with the first kid she adopted from Malawi but she wants to try again.
Robin read a story about Lindsay Lohan who has been getting paid to go to parties. Howard said that he'd like a job like that. Robin told him he could probably do that. Howard said that he'd love to be able to get paid to do stuff like that. Howard said that maybe he could charge people in his building to live near him. They get to share an elevator with him sometimes so maybe he'll start billing people.
Robin read about a big Elvis auction that's coming up. There's an Elvis jump suit that's going up for auction. Howard said that's just gross. Robin said it was worn in 1972 at a concert in Madison Square Garden and they think it's going to go for $150,000. Howard said he'd like to meet the person who pays that kind of money in this economy.
Robin said that Bob Dylan has been bothering his neighbors lately. She had Howard play some of his music and Howard said that he hates it when he plays the harmonica. Robin said that his neighbors think that a smell from his property is coming from a port-a-potty on his property. The neighbors have been complaining about that lately. Dylan has been ignoring the complaints for 6 months now.
Robin read that Julia Roberts is returning to the big screen. She had some audio of her talking about her new movie ''Duplicity.'' They played that and then Fred played Howard's snoring audio clip. Howard said that they should do a sequel to Pretty Woman before it's too late for her. Artie said that he's afraid that it might be too late already.
Robin had some clips from the stars of ''I Love You Man'' but Howard couldn't stand to listen to them so he asked Robin for something else. Robin said that Carol Burnett is going to be on Law And Order SVU tonight. She had some audio of her co-star talking about how great Carol is. Then Carol talking about the character she's playing. Howard said it sounded like an old man, not Carol Burnett.
Robin read a story about a man who was arrested wearing a t-shirt saying ''I (heart) my Marriage'' after getting into a fight with his wife. She ended on that story. Howard ended the show around 10:40am.
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JD said that Robin will come to him sometimes and ask him to pull clips. She asked him if he had seen 60 Minutes that past week and then asked him to pull that clip from the segment that she was talking about. JD said that he knew that it wasn't a news story but he pulled the clip for her anyway.
Gary said that things have gotten very weird there. He said that they have a vacation coming up soon and he went to tell Robin something. He wasn't able to find her anywhere. He said that it hit him that she must be in Tim's office where the cult is meeting. He said that he walked in on her trashing him and he thought it was kind of funny.
Gary said he had to tell Robin that they had been on the air for 3 minutes because she didn't know what was going on. She said that she's clearly supporting Tim in any way she can.
JD said that Tim has a Facebook page and he usually promotes stuff on Howard 100 and 101 but the other day he had a link to Dr. Roni's web site instead.
Jon said that Tim is all fired up about this whole thing and he has asked him what he's going to do when he's done with the 21 day thing. He said Tim told him that he may eat a steak once a week or so. Gary said that he's shocked that Tim is into it as far as he is and he's sticking to it. Benjy said that he's still on the easiest part right now with everyone watching what he's doing.
Gary said that Tim might end up with Blaze or Glory in a glue factory or something. JD said that Robin wasn't too happy for turning her in.
Gary said that Robin lost her weight and she was able to do the whole diet thing but it's not going to work for everyone. Gary said he didn't think it was going to work for Robin and he's not sure it will work with Tim. Jon said that he has lost 12 pounds already.
Gary said that they had Michael Hebranko on the show one time and he lost weight with Richard Simmons but then he gained it all back and he had to be removed from his house with a crane. Gary said that they had Michael on and they put food right in his face on the Channel 9 show so it was pretty brutal.
Gary said that he found some stuff on Wikipedia about Michael Hebranko. Richard Simmons helped him go from 900 pounds to 200 pounds. Then he toured the country making speeches but he shot back up to 1000 pounds. In June of 1999 he was at 1100 pounds. Gary said that they say that he's still alive though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that Tim is going to become a statistic because people usually fail at fad diets like this. The guy said that you need someone there for you all the time but it sounds more like the diet is only for the rich.
Jon said that Robin lives the kind of life where she could follow that diet for a long time. Tim is a mid-western kind of guy who eats meat and potatoes and it's not going to be easy for him in the long term. He said that he's not sure that Tim can pull that off.
The caller said that you have to change your life and have something that you can eat at any time and it's not easy on a diet like that. Gary said that rapid weight loss programs can be tough.
Jon asked if Gary has ever done anything like Robin did with that story. Gary said that he's mentioned stories before and Howard has told him that he might not be interested in it. He said he's never asked JD to pull clips like that though.
Jon said that Christie was really hot and had some crazy stories to tell. Gary said that he could tell that her Sybian ride was going to be good too. He said that the way she fit on it was natural and looked comfortable for her.
Cyrus called in and asked Gary if he was offended when Christie told him to keep the mask on. Gary said he doesn't get bummed out about that stuff. He said that he thinks that she was just thinking it was kinky and it added to the moment.
Jon mentioned Brenda, Miss Howard TV of 2008, as well. Jon said that she asked if Artie could feel her up and then had Teddy play the audio of that.
After playing the audio the guys talked about Artie's feeling her up and how she said that her boyfriend gave her the okay to do that. The guys were also wondering if Artie could have a shot at getting her. Teddy said that she could have met up with Artie at a show if she had tried hard enough. Teddy said that if she showed up and wanted to meet him, he would let her in. She would have showed up with her boyfriend though so that wouldn't be so cool.
Teddy said that he used to go out into the crowd to get chicks for Artie. He'd bring them back to the green room to meet him.
Jon took a call from the guy who bashes the Mets every show lately. He did his thing bashing the Mets again and Jon let him go. Jon said that he had requested to ask which of the Miss Howard TV girls was the prettiest. Benjy said that Miss Howard TV of the year was natural. Gary said that she was hotter but the other girl was sexier.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about the Miss April and the voice that she had. He said that wasn't an accent. Gary said it sounded weird to him too but that's what she said it was so he's going with it. The caller said that something was wrong there. Gary said it was a weird affectation but he's not sure what it was. Gary said that David Peel used to have something similar when he was on the show.
Mike Gange came in and said that this was a busy day for him there. Jon asked him if guys have been hanging around him today with the girls there. Gange said there really aren't. Gregg Karmel has been hanging around but Gange said he's there to shoot some stuff for him. Gange is going to be shooting some stuff for their special and that led to the guys asking him why he's going to be doing the voice overs. Gange said that they've asked people to do stuff like that and they really don't want to so it trickles down to him. Gary said that he would do it if they asked him to.
Jon asked Gange if he's trying to spend more time with the girls. Gange said that he's not looking to do that, because Brenda is engaged anyway. Gange said he thought that Christine was going to win because she's always on SFN and stuff like that. Mike said that Brenda and Brianna were nose and nose right up to the end of the voting.
Gange said that he went back and interviewed all 12 of the girls and he went all around the country to do it. He said that one of the girls refused to do anything with them because she was pregnant at the time.
Gange said that he went out and did all of the interviews and found out what they were all up to for this special that's coming out this week. He said that they also have Brenda's photo shoot that she got when she won the competition.
Jon asked Gange about the Facebook thing and how Howard mentioned him as being the reason he doesn't like it. Gange said that he hopes that he has noting to do with it but if that's the way it is, then fine. Gary said that Gange is on the back end of people who do that kind of stuff and Howard probably wonders why he's doing something so frivolous and boring.
Jon asked Gange if there's any competition going on between the Miss Howard TVs. Gange said that many of the girls know each other already from working together on other stuff and there really isn't a competition.
Gange got in a plug for the Miss Howard TV of the Year special that's going to be on this Thursday on Howard TV. He said they're doing a live chat on the Howard TV web site today at Noon. Gange said that they have Brenda making an appearance on the Cavino and Rich show today as well.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked them to have that Christie chick say ''You Waskally Wabbit'' for him. Gary said they get it, she had a speech problem. They weren't going to do that to her.
Another caller asked Gary about the girls who have ridden the Sybian and if any of them have squirted. Gary said that they haven't on that machine but there was one who did during another segment when they had some fucking machine people on.
Ralph called in and asked Gary if he asked Howard if they were going to let the bit go where Gange claims that he's not trying to hook up with the Miss Howard TV girls. Ralph said that Gange is bothering everyone for those interviews and not letting anyone else do them. He's pretending that he wants to let other people do those interviews but meanwhile he's not going to give it up. He told Gange that he's such a loser. He was laughing as he said that though.
Gary said that Gange worked for Howard out of his house and he thinks that Howard still thinks of him as that kid who worked for him. That's why he gives him such a hard time on the show. Ralph said he thinks that he's digging too deep on that and Gange is really just a putz.
Gary said that Gange had a huge pompadour at his wedding and they should put that up on Howard TV so people can see how much hair he had back then.
Jon asked if Ralph is the toughest person to work with. Gange said that they love him personally but he's so annoying to work with. Ralph said that the Howard TV guys are pretty unprofessional to work with. Gary said that Ralph once showed up with 3 years worth of bills for them. Gange said that he had all kinds of receipts that were all hand written and scribbled.
Ralph said that they had a lot of stuff going on over there and he's not the one who is the asshole. He didn't put in for anything fake over there. All of that was legitimate stuff. Gary said he wasn't accusing him of anything.
Jon and Ralph talked about the Battlestar Galactica thing they went to yesterday and how they weren't allowed to get into detail. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon brought up the discussion Howard had about sleeping with married women and how guilty he felt about it. Benjy said that it can be cleaner than doing it with someone who isn't married because they're just looking for sex. That's the way he feels.
Gary said that he has hooked up with a married woman before. Benjy wasn't sure if he would stop if he knew that someone was married and he knew the guy that she was married to.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Tim would be up for doing some coffee enema art. He said that shit coming out of their asses might be good for art.
Jon took another call from a guy who brought up the Jackie Mason thing and said that he really just wanted to let them know how much he loves the show. He was being kind of vague about everything he was talking about though.
Another caller asked what kind of rules they have for the Miss Howard TV thing. Gary said that they're looking for models who are looking for a break and they have to have some kind of personality. He said that Gange and Doug do interviews with the girls to find out if they do.
The caller, who didn't give his name, said that Eric is so ungrateful and arrogant and that may have had something to do with it.
Gary asked the caller how many calls he had to make to find the right place. The guy said that he had sent an e-mail to one place. He said he knew his name because his name is all over the place. The guy said that Howard had asked Eric if he filed taxes and Eric said that he didn't so he got tired of hearing Eric breaking the rules and thinking he could get away with it.
Gary said that Eric can be a pain in the ass but he's got a lot of obstacles to deal with. He said that Eric lets them break his balls on the show all the time and he's probably not making that much selling those pictures.
Benjy said that doing it out of nastiness just isn't right. The caller said that it bothers him in the same way that someone might use workman's comp in the wrong way.
Benjy said that this guy seems like such a good guy he should be allowed to plug his web site. The guy said that he didn't have one but he did have a Myspace parody page of Eric's page at Myspace.com/EricTheEgo.
Gary checked out his site and it was a very angry looking site. Gary said that he had used a poster of Private Parts with Eric in it. Jon asked if he had permission to use that poster. The guy said that he had permission from Doctor Ivan to use it. He said he'd take it down if they wanted him to. Gary said he didn't have a problem with it.
Jon asked Gary what he thought about the football playing thing. Gary said that is dangerous but his kids play and he's going to let the play as long as they want. He said that they probably won't play through college or anything but it's a team sport and that's a great thing for kids to go through.
Benjy said that he used to wrestle in school and it wasn't really a team sport but it was a lot of fun. Gary said that when Jackson was a year or two old his wife said that no kid of hers would ever play Football. He said that there's a whole community thing about playing football so she changed her mind about it later on.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard is off his rocker on the whole thing. Gary said that Howard is always about the safety thing and he's gotten even more concerned about it later in life. Gary said that he might be missing some things in his life but that's the path he took. Gary said that there's risk in any sport you play. They talked about how you can get tennis elbow if you play tennis.
Sal came in so Jon asked him about the segment today where they played the Bruce Springsteen song that sounded kind of like a KISS song. Sal said that he thinks that it's great that he went back and pulled out a ''gem'' from KISS and remade it. He said that they had some great songs on that album.
Sal said he thinks that Bruce actually ruined the song and the song stinks. Gary said that this isn't his favorite Springsteen album but he does like that song the best out of all of the songs he's heard so far.
Sal said that maybe one of the guys in his band loves KISS and that's the way he came about. Jon asked Sal why he didn't go in and defend his band. Sal said there would have been no winning in that argument and he would have looked like a complete idiot. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show talking about Dr. Drew coming in today to see how Artie is doing. He said that they have Jerry Lewis' kids coming in too. Gary Lewis and Suzan Lewis will both be coming in. One is his real kid and the other thinks that she is his kid. Robin said that Susan did give up some DNA for a test but Jerry won't give up his own. Howard said he's looking forward to that story.
Howard said he hasn't been very good about taking phone calls lately. He said he may start off with that. He said that he's been avoiding that whole aspect of the show and he's not sure why.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if there are any good female super heroes. Howard said he doesn't think there are. He said that Wonder Woman isn't that great and he never liked her. He said her powers weren't that great either.
Howard said that girls aren't into the comic books as much as guys are so the comics don't really have to related to girls. Howard said that it's all about guys who are into the super heroes and want to pretend that they have these special powers. Howard said that Wonder Woman's powers are her looks. Artie said that real hot chicks have those powers already.
Howard said that he did want to bang Linda Carter when she was playing Wonder Woman. He said she was very sexual with those full breasts and the hot pants. Howard said that with the porn on the internet he doesn't need that stuff. He said his head would have exploded with the amount of free porn that's out there.
Howard said that he loved the Wonder Woman thing and Artie said that Howard must have been like 24 when that was on TV. Artie said he was like 13 when she was on and Howard had to have been older. Howard said that he was actually 22 after Fred gave him the date of that show airing.
Howard said that even the woman on Terminator isn't a good hero. He said that they're trying to make a comic out of Michelle Obama with super powers. He said he's never seen such carrying on with a couple before this Obama.
Howard took another call but the guy had his speaker phone on and Howard was getting annoyed. He said that this is the reason he doesn't take phone calls.
The caller said that he saw Beth on Tyra Banks' show yesterday. He said she looked hot on there and he had no idea she was going to be on. Howard didn't know she was going to be on either. He said it must have been a rerun. She was wearing a red dress so Robin figured that it was a rerun because Howard had talked about picking that dress out for her.
The caller asked Howard if he was looking forward to the X-Men Origins movie that's coming out this summer. Howard said he is looking forward to it. Robin said that Hugh Jackman has to stop dancing around like he did on the Academy Awards. Howard said that is pretty confusing to him so she's right about that. Howard said he's also excited about seeing ''Watchmen'' even thought people are saying they didn't like it.
Howard said he watched a weird movie the other night. He said it came out of Sweden but he wasn't able to remember the name of it. He said he has to bring it in for Robin to watch. Howard said that he has this new player that he's using and the sound is too low so he's trying to get that sorted out. Howard said that he's had his guys in three times to try and fix the stereo system.
Howard said that the movie name was ''Let The Right One In.'' He said that he likes vampire movies. Richard said that he thought it was all subtitles but Howard said it wasn't on the one he saw. He said that they dubbed the movie and they actually did a pretty good job with it. Richard said that the movie was made in Sweden and they didn't spend a ton of money making it. Howard said it was still very good even without the big budget.
Robin said that she thought that ''30 Days Of Night'' was crap when it came out but now she thinks that it was great and can't stop watching it.
The caller asked Artie if he read the book that he gave him at the comedy show he saw him at. Artie said he did and it was actually helping him out. Howard ended up cutting him off and told him to write Artie a letter. Artie said that the book was to help addicts out and he is actually reading it. Howard said he didn't want to get into a whole thing about that.
Howard said that they're talking about what happened in the news reports and they say that she was taking a beginning lesson. He said that she was up in Canada while Liam was working on a movie. She had taken their kids up there and she wasn't wearing a helmet when she was skiing. Howard said that they say that women don't wear helmets because of the vanity thing. Howard said that even with a helmet they say that things can go wrong.
Howard said that the beginning mountains are supposed to be very easy and the described the conditions up there as being mushy so it should have slowed her down. They claim that she didn't hit a tree or anything but she ended up falling and did something that knocked her out. He said that maybe there was a rock there or something. Robins said that sometimes it doesn't even take that much.
Howard said that they say that Natasha got up and was talking and all. She said she had a headache and went back to her room and about an hour later she was brain dead. Robin said that your brain has no way to expand when it's injured because of the brain being enclosed. She said that can kill you if you injure yourself.
Howard said that he read that Liam flew Natasha back to New York and they're thinking about pulling the plug on her. Howard said that he was telling a story about Natasha advising Liam not to listen to her for career advice because she didn't want him to do that ''Taken'' movie. Howard said that he thinks that Liam would have made a great James Bond type.
Howard said that the other thing he remembers about Natasha was this movie she put out one time. Howard said that he loved the movie and the critics didn't. He said that she was naked in the movie too. Howard couldn't remember the name of the movie at first but then remembered it was ''Asylum.'' Howard said he feels really bad about this whole thing. He said he feels bad for the family too.
Howard said that Natasha was only taking beginner lessons. Gary is taking lessons too and he's dumbfounded by that whole thing.
Howard said that it amazes him that the guys from Jackass are still alive after seeing the stuff they do. Artie said that the guys in Nitro Circus are even more insane then the Jackass guys were. He said that he's become a fan of theirs. He said that they just do crazy, insane shit on that show. Artie told a story about this one guy (Travis Pastrana) who bungee jumped from one hot air balloon to another. He said the stuff never works and they just end up falling. Artie said that one kid is a fat kid and he does anything the rest of the guys do.
Artie said that it's really amazing that there's not at least one death a year in football. Howard said that he was glad that he got to meet Natasha. He said that she was a really nice person.
Artie said that he can't imagine having to go back to work on a movie after something like this. Howard said that it might help the guy get over thinking about the whole thing.
Artie said that his buddy David Herman lost his mother during MAD TV and he was able to get lost in his character to forget about his mom dying. Howard thanked the caller and let him go after that.
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Howard said that Paula was talking to this blind kid on the show last night and she just can't put a whole sentence together without pausing. He said that she did have one original thought last night and told him that he has to not play the piano sometimes. Howard did his impression of her doing that and then Simon told her that it was the dumbest thing to say. He said there was no reason to get up from behind that piano. Paula ended up saying something to Simon about being demeaning but Simon was just trying to say that he could be good without getting up from the piano.
Howard said that they've had Simon going first sometimes now and it's really helping the other judges decide on how to react to the contestants. Howard said that the new judge on that show is just slowing things down and everyone is just waiting for Simon's comments. Gary said that he usually just listens to Simon, he doesn't care much about the rest of them.
Howard said that he didn't see the whole show last night. Gary said that Simon always knows what to say when someone performs an awful song or covers one in a way that just sucks.
Robin said that she's so glad she doesn't know what Howard and Gary are talking about. She said she can't stand that show. Howard said Beth called him last night and said that she wanted to watch with him but he told her to go to bed when she said she felt she was getting sick.
Robin and Howard talked about the Dancing with the Stars show. Howard said that he has no desire to see guys dance. He said that the one thing that he does like to see is that Julianne Hough chick but she's not that hot anymore. He said that she's dancing with her boyfriend and it's just not that hot now. He said that her looks haven't changed but he has no desire to see her with the guy she's getting banged by. He said he'd rather see her with someone like Barrett Long with his 11 inch cock.
Gary said that he always sees that guy Steve Wozniak and he's a very odd looking guy. Howard said he's an odd man. Gary said the guy is always smiling and his head is huge. Howard said he's as happy as a mongoloid. He said he even looks like one a little bit. Howard said he's High Pitch Eric with money.
Howard said that he had some audio of Paula Abdul on the show last night but the clip he had wasn't one of her rambling. Howard told JD to pull something of her rambling.
Howard said he should ask John Stamos if Paula was that wacky when he was dating her. He said that John would probably tell him off the air about that but maybe not on the air. Howard said that John has complained about how he made Rebecca Romijn because she was just a model before he married her. Howard said that he wonders how things are going with Jerry O'Connell and Rebecca now that they have twins. He said that Jerry might not be able to get out of the house at all at this point. He said he might not even be allowed to make phone calls.
Howard said that Imus seemed so much older than him back then. He said that he was in his 20s when he started at NBC. Howard said that Imus owes him a lot because he taught people how to do radio over at WNBC. Howard said that he would admire Imus if he just told the truth about that. Howard said that even Rush Limbaugh was almost out of radio when he got into the business. Rush was a top 40 jock back then and Howard thinks that when his show took off, Rush saw that and figured that it wasn't about doing music. Rush and other jocks figured out what they could do on the radio after they saw how good he was doing.
Howard said that even Bill O'Reilly was doing other things like writing bad porn. He said that all of these guys didn't have talk radio careers when he got into it. Howard said that radio guys never offered an opinion other than Bob Grant. Howard said Bob didn't have the impact that he did. Howard said that he was like a nuclear bomb going off when he got into it.
Howard said that those guys would never admit that he had an impact on their shows. He said that he and Fred used to get in early to start working on the show and then Imus would come in and watch them doing their thing. Robin said that Imus would even sit in on the show for an hour. Howard said that he wasn't able to get rid of the guy.
Howard said that Imus saw how funny it was when he'd call his mother on the air so he'd call her as well. Imus wouldn't call his own mother, he would call Mrs. Stern. Howard said that it was wild because his mother wondered if she had to keep taking his calls.
Howard said that he was telling Kidd Chris this stuff the other night. He said that when WNBC wouldn't let him talk like he was doing in Washington DC, he had to reinvent himself. He said he told Chris that he has to adapt when he gets a new job.
Howard said that he had gotten beaten down at NBC and they were always telling him that he had to listen to Imus but meanwhile Imus was listening to them. Howard said that Imus was part of the show and he would sit in on the show almost every day. Howard said Imus was his bitch back then.
Howard said he went to Al Rosenberg's kid's bar mitzvah one time and he saw Charles McCord there and he had been a real douche to him. Howard said he had the number one show at WNBC at the time. Howard said that Imus was too big to show up to something like that. Howard said that Charles was basically sucking his dick telling him how genius he was and he figures that he was hearing all of that from Imus.
Howard said that McCord was really nasty toward them and he wouldn't even talk to them. He said it was all phony and fake over there. He said that he only benefited them because the station was dying and he was there to save it. Howard said that he saved everyone's career when he'd go to these stations but there was always jealousy from these people.
Howard said that he eventually got sick of Imus lingering around the show. He said that when he would come on the show it was actually kind of interesting. He said that there was some bickering that would go on and eventually a fight to get him off the show.
Howard said he was asking for a national syndicated show and they used to talk about doing that with Imus' show instead. He said that they just pissed him off over there with everything they did. He said that he couldn't stand them over there. He said that he was so happy that he was on in New York though. He said that it was a mixed bag of emotions.
Howard said that he was amazed that anyone was listening to them over there but their ratings shot up. Howard said that they still hated him even when his ratings got huge.
Howard said that he thinks that Imus looks really odd with that cowboy hat on. He said he's still wondering if he got a face lift. Howard said the hat looks like a mouth eating his head. Howard goofed on him about that and talked about the old days when Imus was all about his hair.
Howard said that Imus does look womanly. He said that if they remove his cock then that'll be it for him. Fred said that they could call him Donna Imus. He did his impression of Imus a little bit and talked about being lesbian with his wife Deirdre.
Howard played a prank call that Sal and Richard had made using Imus audio clips. Howard didn't remember that but Sal had reminded him of it. They had taken some Imus clips from an interview he did with Al Sharpton and used those to make up this conversation with a guy down in Georgia.
Howard said that down in Washington DC he asked his father if he had ever heard of Imus. His dad said he never did. Howard asked him to send him some tapes of his show because he was offered a job there. Howard said he got the tapes and wondered if he was going to be able to do the same kind of crap they were doing there. He said that it was going to be a huge test over there for him.
Artie asked who hired him over there. Howard said that it was Jerry Nachman. Howard said that he had no one on his side when he got there though.
Howard said that he had an 8 share down in Washington DC. He said that was an all out rating and they were number one over all. Then this Jerry Nachman called and asked to go to lunch with him. Jerry told him that he had an all news station and he wanted them to move to this news channel and do the news there. Howard said that he thought it would be wild to do the news with the two of them. Jerry said that he was going to call his people. He never heard back from him about that.
Howard said that Jerry was an amazing guy in the business and he wasn't one of those executive types. He said that he eventually told him that he couldn't make the news channel thing happen but he did have him meet with some of the guys from WNBC instead. Howard said that Don Fiorvante came in dressed like Captain Stubing from The Love Boat. Howard said that they told him that he was going to be coming to New York to work on WNBC. Howard said that he really wanted to be on WPLJ at the time. They offered him to do nights over there so he didn't want to do that.
Howard said that he would have been huge over at WPLJ if they had hired him. Artie said that he would have been the biggest DJ of all time over there. Howard said that he turned down that job at PLJ but he knew it was wrong to do nights there.
Howard said that as he was starting at WNBC this guy Douglas Kiker did a report about how filthy he was and how the NBC execs should be fired. That's actually what happened. He said they cleaned house over there before they started and they tried to stop him from doing the show he wanted to do.
Howard said that he used to see Jerry in the halls over there but he really had nothing to do with the show at the time. Howard said that the day they got fired he and Robin were standing outside with cardboard boxes and Jerry walked by and asked what was going on. He said he told him that they had been fired and Jerry just said ''Oh, okay...'' and kept walking. Howard talked about some of the other people who have helped him out in his career.
Artie said that he remembers seeing Howard for the first time on TV and how shocked his father was when he saw him for the first time. He said that it was fascinating to finally see what the guy looked like after hearing him on radio for so long. Howard said that he was shocked when he saw Jim Kerr for the first time. He said that you just assume that the guy is good looking.
Howard said that's the same way you think about Scott Shannon when you see him for the first time. Howard said that he thinks that Scott is like 80 years old and might be even older than Imus.
Howard said that guy Douglas Kiker died in 1991 and he didn't feel bad for him at all. He said that the guy really screwed him up when he did that report about the execs needing to be fired over his hiring. Howard said that he'd like to play some tape of that if they have it. Howard said he painted him out to be a monster in that news report.
Howard got a note about Scott Shannon only being 56 years old. Howard said that can't be right. He said that guy really hates him. He said that he's run into him before and he doesn't think the guy likes him at all. They had to go to break after that.
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Howard came back and talked about Van Halen a little bit. Howard said that he doesn't think that their tour worked out and he's not sure if they're still together with David Lee Roth.
Lisa G came in with her Howard 100 News preview. Lisa said that she got in touch with Curtis Kay yesterday and he said he was thrilled that Howard mentioned him on the show yesterday. Lisa said that Curtis said that Howard was great to work with back at the station they worked at. Lisa said that he worked at WDHA for 30 years.
Lisa said that Will the Farter has created a fart machine for the iPhone. She said that Will claims that the farts are his own in that app. Robin said she hopes that works better than the other fart thing he had with him the last time he was on the show. Artie still had that fart thing and it wasn't very easy to work. Howard said that Will said that you have to learn to play it and it doesn't just happen immediately.
Lisa said that another Miss Howard TV has landed a role on a TV show. She said that Miss Howard TV for September 2008 will be on ''Tough Love.''
Howard thought he smelled some hot chocolate but it was actually a cupcake that Artie had eaten already. Howard wondered why the smell was lingering like that. Artie said that he still had the paper there with chocolate on it. He still had a burrito to eat too but he wasn't sure he was going to get to that. Artie also had a bagel there but he wasn't sure he was going eat that since it gets cold.
Howard said that Robin is very attracted to Dr. Drew but she was also into Steve-O in the past. He said he told Beth about that and she was shocked when she found out. Howard said that Robin must be more into Dr. Drew types than a Steve-O type. Howard asked Drew if he would bang Robin. Drew said of course he would if he were single.
Dr. Drew said that Robin would probably want to change him to be more dangerous like a Steve-O type. Howard asked if he skis. Drew said that he does. That led to them talking about Natasha Richardson's brain injury. Drew said that it could have been a preexisting condition or maybe it had nothing to do with the accident at all. Drew said that it's so sad for the kids and Liam.
Howard asked Drew about this book ''The Mirror Effect: How Celebrity Narcissism Is Seducing America'' and Drew told him that they actually participated in the testing that they have in the book. Drew was explaining what narcissism is and what the definition is.
Drew said that some people become famous because they had some kind of trauma in their life and that helps them become the big stars that they become. Howard said that he read that they found that Robin is the biggest narcissist that they've ever found. Drew said that the guy who did the statistics is the guy who found that and they should talk to him.
Howard said that it's too late for Robin to fix that in her life. Robin said that she really wants to fix it though. Howard said that they found that celebrities are the biggest narcissists out there. Howard asked what happens to the person who can't become a celebrity when they are huge narcissists. Drew said that people have this portal to the internet and they can use that as a tool. In the past they would start up their own business or set something up so they have people around them all the time.
Howard said that the average score for this test they took is 18. He said that average Americans score a 15. 18 is high but Robin scored a 34! Robin said that's off the charts and they had to have made it up. Howard had Dr. Young come in to talk about this stuff.
Drew said that Howard actually scored kind of low on this test. That shows that his therapy is working. Dr. Young said that they have tested many people with this test and no one has ever scored as high as Robin. Dr. Drew and Dr. Young both said that they'd like to study Robin.
Howard said he thinks that this test shows that Robin is very damaged. Dr. Young said that there are 7 levels of narcissism and Robin scored very high in all 7 categories. Robin was laughing but she was saying that this test has to be a set up.
Howard said that Robin went to therapy for a short time but then she abruptly ended it and said that she was fine. Howard said that Robin did have trauma in her life and she had some abuse in her young life. He said it was sexual abuse too. Artie gave her a big ''Wah!'' as Howard was talking about that.
Howard said that he has said to Robin on many occasions that she should continue with treatment and she resists. Drew said it can make some people feel bad and they stop when they feel like crap. Drew said that Adam Carolla is like that because he stopped going and tried going back but now he and the doctor just talk basketball scores all day.
Howard said that Robin is a mess and she really needs to go back to therapy. Robin said that she's fine. Howard asked Drew if it would be odd if Robin didn't know the name of the intern who has been working for her for the past 7 weeks. Drew said that it's odd that he has to concentrate on one staff member when he comes on the show.
Artie as joking about how Robin knew that Howard was her ticket to her career. Robin said that it was her ticket to hell. She said that they had to suffer through a lot of crap early on.
Howard said he thinks that Robin is going to have some trouble in her life with her narcissism. Robin said that Howard has problems too. Howard said that he's working on it, Robin isn't. Howard said that even without the help he's pretty sure that he wouldn't have scored as high as Robin did on her test. Robin said that he lied on his test, that's why he did so well. Howard said he wouldn't know how to lie on that test.
Dr. Young said that Robin's score makes her 99 percent higher than the rest of the population out there. Robin wanted to know what his score was. Howard said that Robin is actually enjoying hearing that she's scored so high. Howard said that even Hitler only scored a 17 on that test.
Howard asked the guys if they think that Robin would blame other people for anything that goes wrong. They said that she would blame others for everything. Howard said that it's a good thing it's his show then because she'd probably fire everyone.
Howard asked Dr. Young to talk about Robin and told him that maybe he should study her. Dr. young said that Robin might actually make a good leader based on some of her scores. Howard said that Robin is going to have tremendous lows in her life because of this and she won't understand it. Robin told Drew to stop shaking his head like that.
Howard told the Doctors about going out to dinner with Robin and how she ordered a bottle of $800 wine. Howard said he ended up paying for three of those bottles. Robin said that Howard put her on the spot that night and that's what she ordered. Howard said that she's blaming him for putting her on the spot. Dr. Drew said that she may have had some anger that night and that's how she took it out on him.
Robin said that she is no expert but Howard thinks that she is. She wasn't trying to get back at him or anything like that. Gary said that Robin has called herself a wine connoisseur. Robin said that she didn't make a claim that she was an expert. Gary said that's basically what she did.
Howard asked Dr. Drew if he wanted to study Robin. Drew said that they actually wrote about Robin a little bit in the book. They identified her in the book too. Robin didn't sound to thrilled about that. They said that they based what they read in her autobiography.
Howard said that Robin gets upset with some stuff in her life that he didn't want to get into on the air. Robin said that he's making all of this up. Howard said that he's not making it up.
Howard said that after Sully the pilot landed in the Hudson, Robin got on and said that he's not a hero. Robin said that she was just saying he was just doing his job. Dr. Drew asked Robin if she envied him. Robin said that she just said that he was doing his job and it wasn't a heroic thing.
Artie said that Dr. Drew is a much better guest this time. He was obviously happy that he wasn't concentrating on him. Howard said they were going to get to Artie soon enough.
Howard said that he'd think that Robin would be tough to treat and get through to her. Drew said that it would be tough because it would be painful for her to talk about what she went through. Howard said that he doesn't know what else to do with Robin.
Dr. Drew and Dr. Young were talking about some other celebrities and their scores. They were saying that some will score high on some things and not others but Robin scored high on the whole thing. Howard said that they're basically saying that Robin was a full narcissist. He said that maybe scientists would want to preserve her brain to study it in the future.
Howard said that Robin was a 34 in this test. That's out of a total of 40. Howard said that he scored a 15 on the test. Sal the Stockbroker was only a 14, Fred an 11 and Gary 11. Howard said that he sees Fred as willing to be able to share the spotlight. Robin said that he was saying that she doesn't share. Howard said he wasn't saying that at all.
Howard said that Benjy had a score of 26, Richard a 24 and Jon Hein a 22. Howard said that he wasn't really surprised by the results at all. He said that Robin really needs to get back into therapy. Robin said that she doesn't have a problem if she doesn't recognize it. Dr. Drew was shaking his head and said that's the classic thinking of a narcissist. Robin said that she's happy with her life and she's not saying there are no problems.
Robin said that maybe the test is scoring high because she's a narcissist who just hasn't learned to deal with it. Howard said that Robin needs to be the queen bee. Robin said that has learned to deal with that.
Howard said that when Robin says that Drew doesn't know anything it makes her melt. Robin said that it's not like that, she just figures ''here we go again'' when she hears that stuff.
Howard said that Robin used to be nuts before she went to any therapy. Howard said that a few years ago she probably would have tested at 45.
Howard asked Drew if he wanted to extend a helping hand to Robin. Robin and Artie said that they could go together.
Howard said that they thought Artie was ''doing the dance'' the other day but he wanted to know what Dr. Drew thought. Drew said that Artie doesn't have to tell them if he's doing any groups or anything but his disease is always going to be active.
Howard asked Artie if he's doing any drugs at all. Artie said that he can't say that he doesn't use anything at all. The Howard TV guys showed Dr. Drew the video of Artie almost falling asleep while he was standing up in the studio.
Dr. Drew said that it really doesn't matter. He said that he was seeing someone who wasn't in a normal mental state. Drew said that Artie should be in some type of treatment. Dr. Young said that Artie looked like he was sleeping while standing up. Artie said he's been able to do that since high school.
Howard had to wrap up with the guys after that. Artie asked if there are any celebrities who are not narcissists. Drew said that there are. Howard said that they had to get Drew and Dr. Young out of there because their publicists were going crazy out there. Howard gave Drew some more plugs and let the guys go a short time later. Robin said that she needs a day off and said that she's going to leave and she's not happy with Howard today. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that everyone is talking about Robin and her scores in that narcissism test. Robin said that she's not speaking to Howard. She thought that Howard said that he had lied on that test when they took it. Howard said he really didn't lie but he said it would have been easy to do that. Howard said that he didn't care at the time so he answered it as honestly as he could.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn while Robin was going off on him about how he was saying she needs help. Robin said that Howard has never called her and said he's concerned about her. Mariann said that Howard has tried to talk to her before and she just brushes him off. Howard said that she hit the nail on the head with that.
Robin told Howard not to pretend to care so much and never call her about it. Howard said that he has tried and she has blown him off. Mariann said that Jim Florentine came in and they tried to talk to her back then too. Robin said she didn't understand a word she was saying.
Mariann sent Howard a card so Howard said that she sends him the nicest stuff. Mariann said that her anniversary with him is March 21st... then Howard hung right up on her.
Another caller said that he loved that pile on earlier with Robin. He said that all of this stuff that she's into must make her a pain in the ass to go out with. Howard said that she's really not. He said she doesn't force her eating habits on everyone.
Howard said that he tried to get Robin to eat some pumpkin soup one time but she refused to do that because it had cream in it. The caller said that she might eat it if it had man cream in it. Robin said maybe to that.
Howard said that Robin needs to go into therapy so she can find a man like Dr. Drew for herself. Robin said she's not having this discussion because he really doesn't care about her. She said that he should call her instead. Howard said he's not comfortable with that.
Howard played the first clip where Paula was trying to tell this contestant about his Garth Brooks song that he had performed. She wasn't able to complete a sentence without pausing. Howard said that there's something wrong there.
Howard said he had another example from last week's show. He played that and Paula was doing the same kind of thing.
Howard had the clip from last night's show where Paula was talking about this blind kid and giving him bizarre advice about playing the piano. Howard said that her advice was fucked up. He played that clip and Paula was saying that the piano was a bit of a crutch and she thought that they needed to get him on the stage without it. Then Simon told her that it was a stupid thing to say to him. He told her that Elton John always sat behind a piano and that's fine.
Howard said that this new judge is really terrible. He said that she's retarded and has nothing to say. Howard said that he wouldn't want Paula off the show though because it's kind of fun to hear her being bizarre. Howard said that's kind of like Eric the Midget when he comes on the show and just doesn't get it.
Howard said that he when they started American Idol Paula had no idea that it was going to be a hit show. He said that none of them expected it to be a big hit other than Simon.
Howard took a call from Bobo who asked if Howard thinks that Beth masturbates. Howard said she claims that she doesn't do it since they got married. He said that she claims she used to do it though. Howard said that he'd like to get to watch her but she won't let him. Howard said that he has done it in front of her though.
Howard said that he jerked off last night and said that he was thinking about that prostate cancer thing. Howard said that he didn't watch any porn, he just thought about some chicks and it happened for him. He said that he was tugging on a rubber band for a short time before he got going. He said that he was angry that he had to jerk off.
Howard said that he wanted to get into that with Gary when he comes in. Howard said that they also have this woman, Suzan, coming in who thinks that she might be Jerry's daughter. She anted to do the DNA test but Jerry didn't want to do it so Gary stepped up to do it instead. Howard said that Gary is probably not going to be in Jerry's will if he keeps this stuff up. Robin said that maybe he figured that he wasn't going to be in it anyway. They had to go to break before getting to them though.
Howard said that Gary must be on his dad's shit list. Gary said he should have just played the game with his father growing up but he's doing pretty well on his own. He said that he's still touring and still getting royalties so he's doing okay.
Howard asked Gary if he has a wife and kids. He said that they have four kids and six grand kids together. Howard asked if his father thought that he was a pain in the ass. Gary said he's not sure about that.
Howard asked Gary if he thinks his father should have stepped in with the Vietnam thing. Gary said that he thinks there may have been a competition thing going on back then but he's not sure why that would be. He said that if he had used his father to get him out of Vietnam it might not have been good for him in the future. He said that he didn't bother him about it at the time. Gary said that he figured if Elvis could do it, he could do it.
Gary said that he didn't see combat himself but he did hear it. Howard asked how long he was in. Gary said he was in it for 2 years. He said that when he got out of it things were kind of over for him. He said that the music industry had changed very quickly.
Gary said that he bought a music store in Los Angeles to keep busy after the career had slowed down. He said that he had to stop trying to figure out how his dad thinks. He said that he changes from minute to minute and it was impossible to follow. He said that he's not sure what that was about though. He didn't think it was an illness.
Gary said that it was rough growing up and his father was always in control of everything. The kids weren't allowed to show any emotion other than happiness. Howard said that Jerry must have figured that they shouldn't be unhappy since they're his kids.
Artie said that Suzan looked so much like Jerry that they didn't need to test her. Artie said that they might have to test Gary though, he looks nothing like his father.
Howard said that Suzan is trying to get close to her father and Gary is trying not to be close to him. Howard said that Suzan's life is very interesting. She had no idea that she was Jerry's daughter. Suzan said that she had a great step-father growing up and things were kind of complicated. She said that she knew that he was around since she was 2 and he treated her really well. The guy she thought was her real father was the father of her half brother and turned out not to be her real father.
Howard said he read that Suzan's mother told her who her father really was on her death bed. Suzan said that she was devastated when she found out. She said that she always liked Jerry and wondered why it was always on in the house.
Howard asked Suzan why she thought she never told her about that. Suzan said that they apparently had a relationship for a few years. She said that she figured that she didn't say anything because Jerry was married at the time and she had no idea.
Gary said that his mother used to tell him that she knew that Jerry was up to something every time she got a diamond from him. She said the bigger the diamond was, the bigger the thing was that he had done.
Howard said that Gary stepped up and wanted to help Suzan out with the DNA test since Jerry didn't want to step up to the plate himself. Gary said that everyone has the right to know where they came from and he didn't care if he pissed his father off. Howard asked Gary if he was worried about being cut out of the will. Gary said he thought about it but he has never expected to inherit anything. He said that he never counted on any of that stuff.
Suzan said that she always wondered why her face wasn't like her mother's face. She said that her mother looked like Lana Turner and her face looked like ''Stomach Turner.'' She said that she didn't mean any offense to her father but she didn't think that this face looked good on a woman.
Howard asked Suzan about how she went to try and meet Jerry. She said that she had a 6 month old son at the time and his name is Jerry Jr. Howard asked her why she would name him that if Jerry refuses to acknowledge that she's his daughter. Suzan said that she wanted to have a part of him in some way. Suzan said that Jerry knew about her from day one.
Suzan said that she was an ''Oops'' and no one knew how to spell that on the birth certificate so they figured they'd name her Suzan instead.
Suzan said that she went to try and meet Jerry in France when he was there at one time. Suzan said that she was living there at the time. She told Howard what she said to the concierge at the hotel and the guy actually let her into his room. Suzan said that she saw Jerry walking over to her and she saw that he knew who she was. Suzan said then Jerry's face changed and he said that he didn't know her and that made her cry. She said she told Jerry who her mother was and he refused to acknowledge her.
Howard asked Gary if he thinks that Suzan was looking for money. Gary said that he probably did figure that but Suzan really isn't looking for that. Howard said that he figured that Jerry would feel some compassion for her. She said that he's trying to keep his family intact and doesn't want to let this other person come in.
Suzan said that after Jerry told her he didn't know her she cried and he let her come up to his room. She said that they spent the whole afternoon together and had a good time. She said that they ended up calling her mother and then he was hugging her and everything. She said that he was wonderful with her for one day.
Suzan said that Jerry told her to bring her husband by the next day and she was feeling really good about that. Then she tried to go back the second day and when she called, his manager answered. She said that the manager told her that she wouldn't be able to reach him anymore. He told her not to call anymore.
Suzan started to cry when she was telling this story. She said the manager told her that it was just the way it was. She was very upset as she told that part of the story.
Howard asked when she asked for the DNA test. She said she never asked for one. Gary said that it was Inside Edition who asked them if they wanted to do the DNA test. Gary said it was just a swab on the inside of the mouth for them.
Gary said that they went to Inside Edition two weeks ago and they found that they are 88.7 percent sure that they are related. They matched on some rare marker too so they're pretty sure that they are related.
Howard said that Suzan has a book in the works and that will be out soon. Howard said that you can find out more at SuzanLewis.com. He also gave Gary a plug for his web site GaryLewisAndThePlayboys.com.
Howard asked Gary if he's still in touch with his father. Gary said that he tried calling him last Father's day but he ended up yelling at him. He didn't want to get into what it was about because it was really involved. He said that he didn't want to bad mouth his father on that either. He said that he does think that Suzan has the right to be his daughter if that's what she is.
Suzan said that she wanted to get in a good word for Jerry even though he's not treating her the way she'd like. Howard said that she must not really want to do that because he didn't treat her very well. She said that she understands that he had problems in his life. Suzan said that she doesn't know that Jerry is mad at her. She said that she was just told not to call him anymore.
Howard asked Suzan if she would ever treat a kid like her father treated her. She said she wouldn't but she doesn't know what Jerry had to go through. She said that she has gone to his concerts and she knows that he saw her there and she knows that he was shaking in anger and fear at the time. She said that she doesn't want him to feel that way about her though. She said that she isn't looking to upset him.
Howard asked Gary if he's afraid that Suzan is going to get a cut of his inheritance. Gary said that he doesn't care, she can have his cut. Howard said that Gary seems like a really good guy. Suzan said that he really is.
Artie asked Suzan when she met Jerry in France. She said that it was back in 1980. She said that she was there for 14 years married to a French guy. She said that she hasn't spoken to Jerry since 1980 but she has sent him different things over the years. She said that she knows that Jerry has gotten some of the stuff since her manager told her that he probably did.
Howard said that Gary and Suzan had been holding hands and he's heard that some people who have gone through stuff like this can be strangely attracted to each other. Suzan said that she got a long hug from Gary when she met him in 2005. Gary said that she told him that she was his sister and said that she really could be. Artie said that she's not that bad looking either and not the ''Stomach Turner'' that she said earlier. He said that they both seem to have some talent too.
Howard said that Jerry would have been much better off just accepting this whole thing and letting Suzan into his life. Suzan said that he's 83 now and she would just like to become a spokesperson for the homeless and disabled. She started to break down crying again when she said that she has been there and knows what that's like.
Howard said that if she had Muscular Dystrophy she might have gotten more attention from her father. Howard said he's sorry she had to go through this stuff.
Robin asked Gary what his relationship is like with Jerry's new family. He said that he doesn't get together with them at all. He doesn't know much about them. Gary said that some of the family seem to be hanging on to Jerry hoping that there is something in the will for them.
Howard asked Suzan if she will come forward and try to get something out of the will when Jerry does pass. Suzan said that she has a family member who has a lot of money and she never asks for money from anyone. She said that she thinks that they would come forward with money if they saw what she was going through.
Artie asked where Jerry Jr. is. Suzan said that she had to leave the kids over in France because they are French citizens. She said that she figured they were better off staying there with their father. She said that she still has contact with the kids though. Howard wrapped up with them a short time later.
Howard said that they were talking about female super heroes earlier and he's thinking that there is a real one out there. He said that Tabitha Stevens is the one he's talking about.
Howard said that in the paper there's a picture of a 21 year old man with Down Syndrome and his mother put out a plea over the internet to get the kid laid. Tabitha Stevens stepped up and offered to do it. She sent them a note and asked if they could arrange something.
Howard said that Tabitha is really like a super hero stepping up for something like that. Robin said that she did that for an intern on the show one time. Howard said that they could get them together on the show but he's not sure that it's appropriate to do that with a guy with down syndrome. Howard wasn't sure that they should get involved. Robin said she has thoughts on that too and she's not so sure that it's the right thing to do. Artie said that they did send one retard to the moon. Howard said that the moon is a wonderful place.
Howard said they've never gotten Gary the Retard laid before but he thinks that they would help him if they had to. Howard said that Gary shouldn't be stopped from having sex. He still has the mentality of a 3 year old but he does get laid.
Howard said that he doesn't know what to do. Robin said they need to discuss it more. She's not sure how ethical it would be. Howard said that maybe they should get the mom and son on the phone. He told Gary to try and make that happen.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that this would have to be taken on a case by case basis as far as it being a crime. He said that some retarded people may have the mentality that would make it almost like a crime if they got this guy laid. He told a story about an Indian family that did some stuff for their child that was just to help him out but they ended up getting into some trouble over the whole thing because the guy was mentally challenged. Howard thanked Dominic for that and let him go. It sounded like he was having trouble hanging up that phone though.
Steve had more about Captain Janks taking more money and running. He said that Janks was supposed to be at an event where they promoted having Howard TV there. Howard said he didn't like the sound of that. Steve said that no one is able to reach Janks at this point. Not even the show.
Steve said that the NY Daily News is claiming that the final four contestants on American idol have been picked already. Steve said that they exposed Idol for doing this two years ago. Howard said he doesn't get why they would lie about something like that. Robin said that it's all about the ratings and they might want to keep the show exciting.
Steve said that Imus ended up getting into a shouting match with another radio guy up in Boston. Steve said that there were some Boston newspapers that were reporting on that. Steve asked anyone who is a patient of Dr. Kevin Leman's to call the news department so they can talk to them.
Dominic Barbara called in again and said that sometimes these doctors who have their licenses removed continue on as ''family therapists'' instead of psychologists. Howard said that he knew a woman who went to drug rehab and she got out and went out and started seeing patients as a therapist. He said she had no training at all and she may have still been on drugs at the time. He said that she claims that she it was legal though.
Dominic told a story about a criminal who was doing something similar. Howard said that it's scary that you don't know who you're being treated by because it seems like just about anyone can pretend to be a therapist.
Robin and Howard ended up getting into it about the whole narcissist thing again. Robin said that Howard was basically saying earlier that her big relationship that lasted for 10 years was broken up because of her. Howard said that from what he knows about that relationship, she did the right thing. He said he wasn't there to see it but that's the impression he gets from what he's heard. Howard said he liked that guy though. Howard said that maybe he was a 40 if Robin is a 34. Robin said that she can manage some things. Howard said that there is room for improvement there though. Robin said it's like that for everyone.
Howard said he saw Robin out running yesterday and she was really running, not just jogging. Howard said that she must be getting close to the weight she wants to be at. Robin said that she might actually lose even more than she planned on losing. She said that she could lose even more if this keeps going the way it's going. Howard said that she's going to collapse if she keeps going the way she is. Howard said he didn't think that Robin would have the energy to run the way she was running.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Artie pointed out that Jon is a pretty big narcissist himself with that 22 score on that test. That led to them talking about Jon's ''Jump The Shark'' book and how he points out when the Beatles may have jumped the shark. That led to a whole discussion about the Beatles and when they may or may not have jumped the shark.
Jon thought that the Beatles had put out a bad album at one point but everyone else was saying that there were a bunch of great songs on that album. Fred said that he thinks that ''Let It Be'' may have been one of the worst albums that they put out. Howard agreed with him on that.
Artie said that the book is great but Jon also says that there aren't too many bands you can name 20 songs from. Howard said that he could do it for Elton John, Zeppelin and others. Artie said he could do it for The Rolling Stones too.
Howard said that he could name 20 Cream songs too. He started to name some of their songs and wrote them down to keep track. Howard named a bunch but then he said that he hated doing that. Artie said that any casual music fan could name 20 Rolling Stones songs. Howard said that Jon is a narcissist, that's what they were trying to say.
Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's Wrap Up Show and when he got to Dr. Drew Howard interrupted and said that's the kind of man Robin needs in her life and he's going to find one for her. Howard said that it has to be a guy in his 50s who could make her swoon. Howard said that the guy is with someone else right now and he's just waiting for them to break up. Howard said he figures that they'll eventually break up. Howard said that Mel Karmazin would be perfect for her too.
Howard said that Tyra Banks' boyfriend would be a good one too. Artie didn't know who that was. Howard said that the guy is his height. Fred knew who it was and said that Howard was right about him. Howard said that the guy owns the largest black investment firm. Robin said that this guy sounded a little too ridged for her. Fred said that this guy makes Dr. Drew look like a sissy.
Howard said that he knows what Robin wants and this guy would be a lot of fun. Robin said that Howard likes every guy she's been with. Howard said he has.
Howard said that was enough about Robin's love life and they'll have to work on finding her someone. Artie said that she might like this bookie who took him for 60 grand.
Jon got back to his Wrap Up Show preview and ran down the rest of the subjects they had for the show today. That led to them talking more about Robin's comments about Howard being her ticket to hell. That led to Fred playing the AC/DC song ''Highway to Hell'' during the interview and also during this discussion.
Howard said that Gary Lewis was on the phone since he didn't sing a song while he was in there. It turned out to be Sour Shoes who sang some Gary Lewis stuff and did his Imus impression a little bit. Howard hung up on him a few seconds in.
Robin started her news talking about the fake Facebook account that she had put up there. Robin said that she had friends who should have known better. She said that those people didn't know that it wasn't her. Artie said that he hates that the guy pretending to be him didn't make her a friend.
Robin read a story about the PNC Arts Center charging $6 per person going into the shows there. Howard said that they were actually charging that on the tickets. Howard said that's really ridiculous. Robin said that they keep changing things on the web site and they took that parking fee off but put it on the ticket price. Then they put it back on as a parking fee and may have taken it off completely.
Robin read that Oprah is mourning the loss of one of the dogs she just adopted from a no kill animal shelter. The dog got the Parvo virus and died last week. Robin said that she's actually lost several of her dogs. She lost one that choked on a ball. Another died of kidney failure at 13.
Robin read a story about a lawsuit that was filed against the woman whose chimpanzee attacked a woman. The family is looking for $50 million from that woman. Howard asked how that woman is doing after being attacked. Robin said that she's missing her hands, eyelids and face but she's apparently still alive. She's heavily sedated at this point because of the severity of the injuries.
Robin read some news about Natasha Richardson being brain dead. She's on life support at this point and they're going to do some testing to figure out if she's definitely brain dead. They may pull the life support once they find out if she definitely is. There are some people saying that she should have worn a helmet during that skiing. She had some audio of a doctor talking about that. Howard said that it's really a horrible thing.
Robin had some audio of Angela Lansbury talking about working with Natasha Richardson. She worked with her on Broadway. Howard said it was so weird that he was just talking to her a week ago. He said you feel weird about it. Artie said that when his father died his mother was upset about having him cremated because she felt like she was just getting rid of him. Howard said that people think that you can leave them on life support and they might come back but that never happens.
Robin had a story about a 6 year old who has an astonishing 176 IQ. Robin said that's higher than Einstein's reported IQ. Howard said he read that Bobby Fisher had an IQ of over 200. He said that drove him nuts and there can be such a thing as being too smart. Howard asked Artie if he would rather have a 176 IQ or an 11 inch cock. Artie said that he'd go with the IQ.
Artie asked Howard if he would rather have Brad Pitt looks and a low IQ or look average and have a 176 IQ. Howard said he would rather look like Brad Pitt.
Robin said that this 6 year old doesn't mean that he'll grow up to be Einstein. She said that he could turn out to be anything. Robin read some news about the kid and how the family found out how smart he was when he was only 4. She said that he has a photographic memory and can even name a day for any date you give him.
Robin had a story about Michael Vick who is in bankruptcy court right now. Robin also had a story about the Gay games and where they could be held.
Robin read some news about President Bush having people protesting him when he went up to Canada to visit. Howard said that the argument could be made that he's a war criminal. They spent a short time talking about that.
Robin read some news about Stacy Keach being in the hospital for an undisclosed health problem. Robin said that Robin Williams has also been in recently but no one is talking about what that was about.
Robin said that Amy Winehouse has been accused of attacking a fan at a club recently. She read that story and played some of Amy's music.
Robin read a story and had some audio of this congressman saying that maybe the people from AIG should take that deep bow like Japanese people do and either resign or go commit suicide. He's had to apologize for that comment. Robin had some audio of him talking about what he meant by that when he said it.
Robin read some news about President Obama trying to get his budget passed. She had some audio of him talking about that.
Robin had some news about Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme being discussed. She had some audio clips of that being discussed as well. Robin said that Ruth Madoff is saying that the money in her name is her money and shouldn't be part of the whole settlement with the government. Robin thought that was an incredible defense. The sons are also being looked at because they took loans from their father and they didn't pay it back.
Robin read that the new Julia Roberts movie ''Duplicity'' got a 4 star review in the paper today. Howard said that the romantic comedy is what she should have been doing all these years and she should keep doing it while she still has her looks.
Robin had some audio of a guy talking about the ''Monsters vs. Aliens'' movie that's coming out soon. Howard lasted a few seconds in that clip before cutting it off. Robin had the guy talking about the characters in the movie too. Howard listened to some of that but cut that off as well.
Robin read about Portia DeRossi's new TV show role. She's in ''Better Off Ted.'' Howard said he had some clips from Ellen Degeneres' show where the two of them were singing together and stuff. He said that he should play those tapes but he might save them for tomorrow instead. A few seconds later Howard played some of those clips where Portia and Ellen were singing in their home shower. Howard said that what they should have done was talk about what they really do at home. He said that they think that this shower singing is interesting.
Howard played some more of the Portia and Ellen tapes. The two of them were talking about what they do when they go out shopping. Howard said that they sound so uncomfortable and they don't sound like they're being real with each other. He said he gets the feeling that there's something really dark going on in that relationship. JD said that they're always talking about how in love they are with each other so it's really weird.
Howard played some more of their interview where Portia and Ellen were talking about their marriage and their 7 month anniversary. Howard said that they were making him feel like shit and thinking that maybe he shouldn't be with a woman, he should be with a guy. He said he's thinking of marrying Barrett Long.
Howard said that they're like George and Gracie burns without the comedy. Howard figures that Ellen is the one with the big strap-on cock who is ramming Portia. Artie said he doesn't even think Portia is gay. Howard said he guarantees that Ellen makes Portia suck on her big plastic cock. Howard said he'd love to interview the two of them. He said he'd ask Portia if she has ever sucked on Ellen's plastic cock.
Howard said he wonders if they have a fake cock that squirts fake jizz. He said that he imagines them banging and Ellen telling Portia that she's cumming inside of her. Fred played some dropping loads sound clips and some squirting clips. Howard said he had a whole bunch of these Ellen and Portia clips to play. Howard asked Robin if she wanted to her some. Artie said ''No'' to that but Robin wanted to hear them.
Howard played some more clips of them talking about how they're not having a baby. They also talked about Portia's new role and how the parts she plays are nothing like her real life. Howard sarcastically said that's fascinating.
Howard played a clip of Ellen and Portia talking about the best gifts they've gotten from each other. Portia said it was Ellen's heart. Ellen said the same thing. Howard played their ''I've Got You Babe'' performance again after that. Howard said that it goes on and on forever. Howard had to end the show a short time later, right around 10:55am.
Artie asked Gary if he was really surprised with the score she got. Gary said that she can be a narcissist and not one too. He said that she's not always like that. Artie said he wasn't surprised with the score at all.
Jon said that Robin rated high in every category on the test. He said that it was like that across the board for her. Artie said that they were saying that can be a positive thing with that too though.
Gary said that he questions some of the test. He said that Ralph got the next lowest scores next to the 11 that he and Fred got. He said that Ralph got a 12.
Gary said he remembers taking the test online and they ask a lot of questions about what you want people to think about you and how you want them to respond to you.
Artie said that he's not sure Ralph is really a narcissist. Artie said that he can understand why he came in somewhere in the middle himself. He said that he likes the attention on stage but hates when people bother him at parties and stuff.
Artie and Gary talked about hanging out with David over there in Afghanistan. They also talked to him about what happened over there. David said that he was involved in a bombing where he drove over this car bomb and the back end of the truck was blown up. He said that he got a mild case of a brain injury and a dislocated shoulder and some other injuries.
Gary and Artie talked about the area they were in over there and how they drove through this area that was barely a town. It was sticks with sheets on top of it for buildings. Gary said that they saw a bunch of equipment over there that the Russians left there when they got out. They just left the stuff there instead of taking it with them.
David said that it was wild to run into Gary and Artie over in Afghanistan after listening to the show since the NBC days. David said that he was supposed to be restricted to bed rest while he was over there but he ended up going to see them anyway.
Artie and Gary said that they're glad that David is okay. David said that they really appreciated them coming over there and they always appreciate that when they do come. Artie said that they've lost four of their company over there.
The guys spent a short time talking about that before taking some phone calls. Jon took a call from the guy who bashes the Mets every day. They ended up talking about the Mets for a short time after that.
Brent from Bubba the Love Sponge's show called in to talk about the narcissism thing and read the definition of what it really means. They spent a few more minutes talking about that stuff with Brent.
Jon took some more calls about the narcissism thing. They spent more time talking about Robin and her huge score today.
One caller asked the guys if they think that the flashy stuff that Robin has are part of her narcissism. Gary said that she doesn't have anyone else in her life to spend money on so she spends i ton herself.
The guys also talked about Robin talking about the kid thing that Howard and Robin brought up today. Howard said that she's too old to have kids but Robin said that she could have a surrogate at some point. Benjy wondered if she would take up residence in the green room. They had to go to break a short time later.
Gary and Jon talked about how Howard and Beth aren't trying to show off their relationship like Portia and Ellen were on that show.
Another caller said that he thinks that they're making narcissism look bad when it's really not. Robin is doing good things to get that attention for her narcissism. She's using it for positive things.
Another guy said that they have to look at what started the whole narcissism thing and how you create that disorder. He said that shame is at the core of it all.
Gary said that they went to Robin's apartment one time and noticed that she had this enormous picture of herself on the wall. Gary said that she looked very regal in the picture and they goofed on her about that. She got upset about that but she brought in a copy and hung it in her office for a while.
Jon said that he heard that Ronnie was really excited that Gary was coming in today. He said that he heard he was fawning all over the guy today. Gary said that Lisa G also used to have a crush on him so she was excited about it as well.
Jon said that they were huge back before Gary had to go off to war. Steve Brandano came in and said that Ronnie saw the schedule this morning and asked ''Is this The Gary Lewis?'' when he saw the list. He said that he knew that he wasn't kidding around about it either and he was very excited that he was coming in.
Gary read some information about the top songs that they had back in 1965 and 66. Gary said that they had 7 or 8 top 10 hits in that two year time frame.
Ronnie called in and said that Steve has gone out of his mind. He said that he never said anything of the sort. He said that he just asked if it was really ''that Gary Lewis.'' He said he wasn't all excited about it. Ronnie said that Steve has really lost it and he's psycho.
Ronnie said that Steve must have had too much celebration last night. Ronnie said that he was in full green yesterday and he was probably drinking like he's Irish last night too.
Jon let Ronnie go and Steve said that Ronnie just liked being reminded what it was like when he was in his 30s. Steve got in some plugs for his Intern Show that's on tonight at 7pm on Howard 101 before he left.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary Lewis seemed like a really nice guy on the show. Gary said he had a weird perception of him before he came in today. He said that he thought he was an angry guy in the past but today he saw that he's really a nice guy.
The caller said that it seems like they had an effect on his voice back in the old days but now they must not do that. He said that they might want to think about doing that again with his voice though.
Benjy asked Gary what he would do if his dad refused to take a test like Jerry Lewis did. Gary said that he trusted his father and he thinks that he'd give him a good reason not to do it. Benjy said that he's really close with his dad but if someone came to him and asked him to do the test, he'd do it.
Jon said he wanted to talk about the Beatles Jumping the Shark discussion they had today. He asked the guys if they thought he was off about Yoko having something to do with them jumping the shark. Gary said that Jon has said that there aren't many things that haven't jumped the shark and he's the expert on that stuff. Gary said he doesn't think that the Beatles ever did.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Steve Langford is a yellow journalist and he's not treating this guy Kevin Leman the right way. He said that he has no idea what he's talking about and he's just making assumptions about the guy. Benjy said that Steve might be right but he was implying that he wasn't doing something right before he checked into it more. Jon said that Steve does not let go of a story, he's tenacious. That's one thing you have to love about Steve. They had to end the show a short time
Howard started off the show doing his impression of a Tradio show host. He quickly moved on to talk about Robin and how she was in the paper today about the Dr. Drew and the narcissist thing that they talked about on the show yesterday. Howard said that Robin has become the poster girl for narcissism.
Howard read the article and they talked about how Robin has inner personal problems and she's a ''risk.'' Howard said he really doesn't like this. He said it was fun while Dr. Drew was on the show but now Robin is being used as the example. Howard said they didn't think that they were going to take it so seriously.
Howard said that he is blown out by this story about Natasha Richardson. He said that she took a fall while skiing and now she's dead. Howard said there were Paparazzi outside of Liam Neeson's apartment building yesterday just waiting for the guy to come out. He said that it's like cockroaches. He said he knows they have to make a living but the guy's wife just died in a horrible way. Howard said that Liam didn't do anything to hurt anyone. He said that they're harassing the guy and they should be swept off the street so the guy can have some peace.
Howard said that the Paparazzi were on the opposite side of the street but that was it. Robin said that you end up seeing that footage on the regular news these days and that's just wrong. She said that they're actually showing that footage and it's awful.
Artie said that Bill Cosby said something about his son when he died and that one thing got the Paparazzi to leave him alone. He had said that his son was his hero.
Howard said that he did give the Paparazzi a quote yesterday so they would leave him alone. He was saying that she was a great woman and didn't know what else to say to them. Robin said that the whole world doesn't need a camera on them all the time.
Howard said that the whole thing seemed kind of sad and weird. He said he can't imagine the reporter guys feeling good about it. Robin said she doesn't think that they have that feeling. They don't even think about it before putting it on the news.
Howard said that he had a professor who told the class about being a reporter and how he had to go talk to the family after they lost other family members in a fire. Howard said he could never do something like that. Artie said that the Paparazzi are the types who go and seek that kind of thing out.
Howard said he found the whole thing weird. Robin said that people call them the scum of the Earth but they're not the ones going out and trying to get footage of people's misery. Howard said that they're the scum of the earth but for different reasons.
Howard said that he's had his own run ins with these Paparazzi guys. He told a story about one guy yelling at him for not giving him anything even though he had given him something earlier.
A caller told Howard that the TMZ people had video of Sarah Silverman getting back at some Paparazzi with a megaphone when she went to get into her car. Howard didn't really get what the guy was talking about.
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Pete said that he tries to listen to every word that they say on the show and he was thinking that he and Beth could be having some problems. He said that Howard was talking about getting back to masturbation. Howard said that's because Beth has been away for a few days. He said he was trying to stop from getting prostate cancer by doing that. He said he even told Beth about that and then made love.
Pete said that Beth has also been away. Howard said that she's had business and has gone to visit her family. Pete said that sounds like an excuse. Howard said it could be.
Howard said that he's not bored with Beth and he really missed her while she was away. Howard said that they still get along really well and they really do love being around each other. Robin said that when you have really good friends you never get sick of being around them. That's what Howard and Beth have.
Howard said that he's not having any marital problems so far. Pete asked if Beth will ever call the show. Howard said she was actually talking about coming on the show last night. Howard said that he was telling Beth about something they did on the show and she sounded interested in it. Howard said that she thought it sounded like fun and she would like to be on.
Howard mentioned the Ellen and Portia clips he played at the end of the show yesterday. Robin said she heard something on the Wrap Up Show where someone was saying that Howard and Beth are very much like Ellen and Portia. Howard said he has to get rid of that Wrap Up Show. He said that show isn't about bad mouthing him, he said it's there to talk about what happened on the show. He said he really doesn't need people pulling back the curtain on the Wizard of Oz.
Howard said that there is a certain mystique about the show and he doesn't need Gary telling people that ''it's just a bit.''
Gary said that Pete has no job and he's just like Ralph. Gary said that Pete is an obnoxious asshole who can't possibly have a job. Pete said that he has a job waiting tables. Gary said that he will be fired in a month. He said that Pete has a shitty personality and he will never get anywhere. Pete said he already knows that.
Pete said that he hates Gary and he has met him before. Gary said that he didn't remember meeting him so he's very not memorable. Pete and Gary went back and forth on that stuff for a short time but Howard told Gary that maybe he and Pete can continue this on the Wrap Up Show.
Pete said that Howard doesn't need Gary anymore and he should make Will the producer instead. Howard said that maybe Gary's scores were switched with Robin's in the narcissist test. Gary said that his picture isn't in the paper today.
That led to the guys checking out Robin's picture in the paper again and talking about that. Robin said that picture was from when she was heavier. Howard said he liked that they had a ''mental illness'' headline next to Robin's picture.
Howard told Pete that he's not having any marital problems. He said that Beth is doing some TV shoots today. He said that she has an appearance on the Mike and Juliet show and she's also shooting a pilot for a show she's doing. Howard said that he can't really talk about that but he did get a fashion show from her when she was trying on some stuff that she can wear on that show.
Howard said he's really bad at judging the clothes she wears. He said he's like Paula Abdul when it comes to that and he just tells her that he likes all three of the selections the same. He said that he told her to make costume changes during the show.
Artie asked if the pilot is an acting gig or a hosting thing. Howard said it's a hosting thing. That's all he would say about it though.
Pete asked Howard how Beth looks in the doggy style position. Howard said that she looks perfect. Pete said that he can't last with chicks just like Howard can't last. Pete said that he gets chicks sometimes. Artie said that Pete is an average looking guy but he finds it hard to believe that he's only 29. Pete said that he might look older but he's only 29.
Howard said that Pete is the guy who claimed that a dermatologist jerked him off. Pete said that he canceled an appointment he had after that one time. Howard said he'd go back every week if that happened to him. Pete said he thought it would be awkward if he went back. Pete said that he'll find some other women. He said he's not like one of those weirdos that call in like Ass Napkin Ed so he can meet women.
Howard asked Pete if Gary is right about him not holding on to a job. Pete said that he's had about 85 jobs in his life and he has never held on to one for more than a year. Pete said that he gets bored with the jobs and he has to move on. He said that he's never made more than $5,000 a year. Howard asked how that's possible if he was a bartender for a year. He said he must have been a horrible bartender. Pete said it was the first gig he ever had. He said that he was like a local celebrity in that job.
Pete said that he lost his mother when he had that job and he had to quit the job. Pete said that he knows it was a bad decision but they stopped taking his calls after that. Pete said that the only thing he had in his life was SIRIUS and the Stern Show.
Pete said that it's hard to find a bartending job unless you know someone. Gary came in and asked how he lives on that kind of money. Pete said he lives with his father and he's got a credit card.
Ralph called in and said that he's been around for some of those Beth fashion shows and they're great. Howard said it's kind of weird when Ralph is there because he asks her to change her shoes and stuff. Howard said he feels like that should only be for him. Howard said he gets a little territorial.
Howard said that Ralph goes into wolf mode and he's seen that before with other women. He said it's okay when they're in a club or something but not in his apartment with his wife. Howard said that Ralph has been there for a few fashion shows.
Pete asked Ralph how he gets along without a job. Ralph said that he gets along. Pete said that he lives at home and he's going to be 30 years old soon. Pete said that Ralph is a role model for him almost. He asked him what he does in his personal life. Howard said that he's a stylist. Howard said that he has Ralph booked exclusively.
Artie said that Ralph helps them all out on the show. He said that Ralph once told him he looked like shit so he helped him dress differently. Howard asked Ralph where he gets those Michael Jordan sweat pants. Ralph said that you have to search them out. He said that they're out of the store now. Artie said he'll ask his sister to get some for him. Howard said that they have to get Artie the right kind. Ralph said that they have a style number but he doesn't know what it is.
Ralph was goofing on Pete but Pete thought that he and Ralph were very similar. Howard said he doesn't get how the guy can work a whole year as a bartender and only make 5 grand. Pete said that it may have been a little more than that but on his tax records they only show 5 grand.
Artie asked Pete about his claims that he's creative and what he's trying to do with that creativity. Howard said he could be a creative waiter if he wanted to. Howard said that he was once selected as the best food server of the year when he had a job doing that. He said that Pete should strive to be the best at what he does.
Howard told Pete that he could be the star of the kitchen and he should take some pride in the job. Pete didn't get what they were trying to say to him. Howard said that Artie was asking him about what he's doing with his creativity and he was just saying that you can be creative in any job. He said they have a sales guy there by the name of Sam Benrubi who puts his heart and soul into that job.
Howard told Pete he wants to hear about Pete doing the best he can in that waiter job. He told Pete to leave the customer's alone and just serve them the right way. Pete said he can do that. He also told Pete not to smoke weed during the week. He told him that he should just smoke on the weekends. Pete said that he's been doing it every day for the past 12 years or so.
Howard told Pete to just do it on the weekends but Pete said he can't do that for him. Howard said that smoking weed isn't helping him out with this other stuff. He said that doing that is going to keep him from succeeding. Howard said it's a type of person and Pete is one of those burn outs.
Pete said he doesn't want to be the best. Then he caught himself and said that he does want to be the best and he will try what Howard suggested. Pete said that Howard has been like a father to him over the years. Howard told him he has the wrong father. Artie told him to reassess that.
Howard said that Pete should be proud to be a waiter. He said that he should make it his passion. Pete said that his passion is talk radio. Howard told him to just stop smoking pot during the week and take that waiter job seriously.
Howard told Pete about this place he goes to in the city and the guy knows the menu by memory. Howard said that this guy takes his job seriously and he is at the top of his game. Howard said there's nothing wrong with being the best at a job like that. Ralph said he's right about that because there are so many assholes out there.
Howard said he was at Barnes and Noble the other day and the woman behind the counter was so good at her job that he could tell that she was going to be great and go places some day.
Pete said that he doesn't have the structure or organization to put something like that together. Howard said that is ''loser thinking'' and the ideas are never going to happen. Howard said that you have to devote yourself to what you are doing right now. Howard said that guys think about what they ''could'' be great at doing instead of concentrating on what they're doing now. Howard said that's what Pete should be doing. Pete said he's going to put effort into it now that he's heard this.
Pete said that he thinks that he deserves to be rich. Howard told him he can't think like that because people who do never get rich. He told Pete to just be the best he can at whatever job he's doing and things will fall into place for him.
Pete said that Howard was very much like him when he was younger. The guys told Pete that he's nothing like Howard. Howard said that when he was in college he knew that he was horrible at his job and he knew he had to get better. He said the guys who worked with him were even worse than him. He said that they wanted to go right into the huge markets right away instead of putting in the time and hard work to get there. Howard said they all had short cuts and pipe dreams. Howard said he had nothing going on and worked his way up the right way.
Howard said that he didn't think he was even worth $96 a week when he was starting out. He said he was living a nightmare back then. Howard knew that he had to work his way up. Pete said he was living his dream though. Howard said that's not true. He was thankful he had any job at all.
Howard said that Pete won't listen to him. Pete said that he will. Robin told Pete to even clean his bathroom the best he can and do it immaculately. Howard told Robin she's wrong about that. He said that if he's not getting paid to do that then he doesn't need to concentrate on that. Howard told Pete to let his mother or father clean the bathroom instead. Robin said he should do whatever it is he's doing the best he can. Howard let Pete go a short time later.
Howard said that he could straighten Pete out if he got a hold of him for a couple of weeks. He said that might be taking on way too much. Howard thanked Ralph for calling in too and let him go.
Howard said he's been giving the same advice to Ralph. He said he's full of ideas for web sties and retail stores but none of it ever works out. Howard said that his latest thing is a web site thing that he's got going on. He said that Ralph wanted to be a special effects guy in movies too. Robin said that Ralph always has things to say about the movies they go to see. Robin told him to go make a movie then. Howard said Ralph is very talented and he just needs to slow down.
Fred said that he was listening to Pete and he was saying that he could do what Howard does. He said that Howard did it because he loved what he was doing. It wasn't about the money. Fred said that Howard just did what he had to do to make it work. He did it at the same level at $96 as he does it today at more than 96.
Howard said that he has ideas in his head but he throws a lot of them away. He said that he was once offered a job to do late night TV over at FOX and he didn't want to give up his radio show. He said he knew what he was good at and stuck with it. Howard said that people always have dreams and they should stick to what they do best.
Howard said that Richard and Sal were busy with the Tradio show again. He said he has to play their latest calls to Tradio.
Howard had some audio of this 14 year old kid who is doing a political show and it's so annoying. Howard said that it's weird when you have a 14 year old acting like a 50 year old. He said the kid wrote a book and he's speaking at republican conventions and stuff. Howard said that he's really just mimicking what he's heard and doesn't have his own opinions.
Howard took a call from a guy who was calling in from Dublin, Ireland. The guy asked if they would ever have a Polish guy on the show as an intern. Howard said he's sure they've had them before. The caller said he's Polish himself. Howard said that he's married to a Polish woman. He has nothing against them. Howard said that they were against the Jews in World War II but he's not against them at all now.
The caller said that his great grandfather helped the Jews out back in World War II. Howard said that it's hard not to find a Polish person who didn't have a grandfather who helped the Jews. Howard let that guy go a short time later. They had to go to break after that.
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Howard came back and asked how that battle between K-Rock and Z-100 is going. He figured that they were still battling it out.
Howard had Lisa G come in after that. Lisa said that the members of Howard TV are going to be taking on a hockey team this weekend. Steve, Jon and Doug Goodstein will be just a few of the guys taking the other team on.
Lisa said that Sal and Richard have a new web site called RichardAndSalShow.com where you can find out more about their comedy shows and buy t-shirts. Howard said he's not sure how he feels about that. He said he knows those guys want to make money but he's not sure that's the right way to go about it. He said he's tried to keep them from making t-shirts and stuff.
Artie said that he had to ask the guys on his web site to take down the ''Wah!'' t-shirts that they were selling on there. He said he knows how Howard feels about that stuff and he didn't think it was right.
Howard said he's not sure that selling a ''Jack Meyhoffer'' t-shirts is the right thing to do. Howard said that maybe they could have come up with something better than that. Howard said he thinks that stuff is just lame.
Howard said that guys who run web sites can't understand why you don't do more than you do. He said they always have ideas for more stuff because other guys are doing more. Howard said that he's fine with what he has going on. Robin wondered if the t-shirts are quality or rags to wash your car with. Howard figured they're rags.
Lisa said that Artie is going to be making an appearance on Bubba the Love Sponge's show tomorrow before he does his comedy show down in Clearwater this weekend.
Howard said that they don't get to see Bubba much these days. He said that they're too busy working down there.
Howard had AJ come in after that. He said he felt bad for her. Howard said that AJ is the one who can squirt milk from her breasts even though she hasn't been pregnant. AJ claims that the doctors told her that because she likes to have her nipples sucked on, that made her body react and created milk.
Howard said that AJ had braces on and he thought that was kind of odd. AJ said that she did that for adult entertainment. She said that there are some who like that fetish and she makes money doing fetish stuff. AJ said that she deep throats and guys like to see the braces.
Robin asked AJ if guys get milk from her when they suck on her. She said that she has had some people get some milk from there. Howard wanted her to demonstrate the squirt. She said she could do that. She was just going to squirt into a cup so she pulled one nipple out.
Howard told AJ to stop with the tattooing because she's got way too many. She also had two bras on to hold up her massive implants. Howard said that she must have a bad self image. He said that she's very attractive. She said that she still has some work to do. She wants to get a nose job.
Howard said that this girl's body is amazing. He said that she's got big stars on her, cartoon characters on her arms and stuff like that. AJ said that she had Strawberry Shortcake on one arm. She said that she has a butt plug and a penis on her too. Howard asked her what her family is going to think about that when she has kids. She said that she will never have kids, they're not for her.
Artie said that she has a great body and she has to stop with the tattoos. She said that she's actually done with them.
Howard found it odd that her breasts would create milk like they do. She squirted some milk out into a cup and Howard asked her to stop because it was grossing him out. She said that it actually tastes like sweet milk. Howard asked her to get rid of the bra because she looked uncomfortable. AJ said that she was fine but took them off anyway. Artie said that they were like torpedoes. She said she wanted them even bigger. She said that she almost went 100 CCs more. AJ said that her implants are 450 CC implants and she wanted 550.
Howard told AJ that the Kielbasa Queen had to cancel because she has kidney stones. AJ said that she's a vegetarian so she had some trouble practicing with the kielbasa. Howard said that he wanted to see her do that on the kielbasa so he asked the guys to bring one in. Robin and Howard said that they were pretty gross looking.
AJ spit on the kielbasa and shoved it down her throat. Howard told her to take it easy. He said he had seen enough after she jammed it down her throat. She took in about 7 inches according to Richie Wilson who was there to measure.
Howard asked AJ if she wanted a dildo instead. She said that she brought one in. She said that the dildo she has was made of real skin. She said that she bought extensions and put it together herself. Howard said that it was rubber when he saw it. She said that it was ''like real skin.''
AJ prepared her dildo with some oil so it would be lubed up enough to jam it down her throat. She wasn't sure if she'd be able to get it down but she did manage to get about 9 inches down according to Richie. Howard said that AJ has some body on her. He asked her if she does guys and girls. She said that she has a girlfriend who she does. Robin said that they met that girl the last time AJ was in.
Howard said that you can book AJ to do the Anal Ring Toss game at AnalRingToss.com. She also dates Chester Molesther so Howard talked to her about that. She said that she and Chester have a great life with this other girl that's with them. She said that she only lets him bang her. She said that she's only with him and the other girl.
AJ said that she has Chester and her girlfriend's name tattooed on her. She said that she would never remove those tattoos either because the two of them changed her life. She said that they mean a lot to her and they saved her life. She said that she was in a bad way before she met them and they helped her out.
Howard asked AJ if she goes to the beach and gets hit on. She said she does in the summer but she'll usually tell guys to fuck off. Howard said that's why he's afraid to approach women like that. He's afraid of being told to fuck off.
AJ talked about what they do with these Anal Ring Toss games. She said that they do it for bachelor parties and stuff and they have some fun doing it. They do lesbian shows too for the guys. They don't do anything with the guys at the parties though.
Ralph called in and said that it sounds like AJ's life is still pretty fucked up. She said that things are much more stable for her now than they were in the past. She said that she lives for herself and not for him so he can fuck off. She said she just tells it like it is and doesn't fuck around.
Howard gave AJ another plug for the AnalRingToss.com site. He also gave out Chester's e-mail, Chester@ChesterMolesther.com, for any distributors who want to contact him. Howard said he loves that AJ wears two bras. She said she just does that for cleavage. She said that it helps with that and other girls should try that. Artie said that he should try that himself.
Howard let AJ go and said that he has never seen a girl who can squirt milk like that. He said that he does think that she has to cut back on the tattooing thing though.
Howard said that he thought it would be great if they called in with the announcer's voice and have the announcer talk to the announcer. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that he was just talking to Jeff Schick who was bringing around some VIPs. Robin was singing the Beatles song and Howard said that he was trying to talk to her. He said his kids do the same thing to him. He said that everyone tunes him out.
Howard said that he was too busy entertaining the VIPs there so he didn't even have time to do his own show. Howard asked Scott the Engineer to come in and help him out with something. Howard said that when he takes his headphones off and wants to lower the volume, one ear will cut out. He said that he has to keep them loud to hear both sides.
Scott looked puzzled as Howard was explaining this to him. Scott said he understood what he was saying. Howard showed him what the problem was and Scott said that they would fix that immediately. Howard said that's all he wanted to hear. Scott said he'd do it right then but Howard said he could do it after the show.
Howard said that Scott gave him a face like he was crazy. He said that he's gotten into that habit over the years.
Howard said that Ralph sent him a copy of this interview with this 14 year old kid who has written a book about what it is to be a conservative. Howard said that the kid is really nerdy and annoying. He said the only reason they're indulging him is because he's a kid. Howard said that the kid is so annoying.
Howard played some audio of this kid at a republican convention. In the clip the kid is telling the crowd why he wrote the book and he did sound a bit like Rush Limbaugh.
Robin said that this kid really is like Rush because he's just talking gibberish and not really saying anything at all. The guys talked about how annoying the kid was. Robin said that they should kick the kid out of the house now and let him live his conservative principals. Howard said he knew that this kid was going to drive Robin nuts.
Howard had some audio of this kid on the Today Show. He said he saw that Maria Menounos is on that show now and she's looking great. Howard said she was sitting there during this interview. Howard played that clip and they were all entertaining this annoying kid. The kid was talking about how into history he was. Howard said that the kid doesn't know what he's talking about and it's kind of like those God Hates Fags kids who are just brain washed into this stuff.
Howard played more of the audio of the kid talking about this stuff and he made it sound like he had been listening to radio and been into the republican party forever. He's only 14 though. They were asking the kid about what he thought about Rush Limbaugh and if he thinks that he's really the face of the Republican Party. The kid had opinions on all of this stuff but Howard thought that he was just talking in circles and really not saying anything. Howard said it was really creepy.
Howard said he has a feeling that his dad would have liked him to have been like that. He said that's the kind of answers he was looking for when he was a kid. Howard talked about what his father would ask him and how he would always give him a goofy answer.
Howard said he was watching this special about Ted Haggard on TV recently. Artie said he saw that special too. Howard said that was very disturbing to watch too. The guy had the ear of the President but then they found out that the guy was doing homosexual stuff and trying to score meth. Howard said that you feel bad for the guy when you see the special. Howard said that the guy defined his life as a preacher and he's really a closeted homosexual because he grew up in that religious environment. Howard said that the guy was parading around with his wife and ended up getting kicked out of Colorado. Now he's living out of a van with his wife and kids.
Howard said that what the guy should do is denounce the fact that he's parading around as a straight man and try to get a job in the homosexual community. He said they would probably embrace him if he did that. Howard said the guy is caught in hell though. Artie said that he seems like a nice guy in that special and you do feel kind of bad for him.
Artie said that he saw the special on On Demand and watched it twice. He said that it was really that good. Howard said that the guy is 51 years old and he probably doesn't have a lot of time left on this planet so he should enjoy it while he can. Howard said that the guy was so effeminate too. He said that the guy couldn't have hidden his homosexuality that well. He said that he's amazed that his congregation didn't know he was gay before he got caught.
Howard talked about the way he talks to Richard Simmons when he comes in. He said he always asks Richard why he can't find a wife. Richard will answer him seriously and say that he's just been busy with his career. Howard said that he's really just doing a Merv Griffin impression of him asking Liberace why he hasn't found a wife.
Howard said that they should try to set Richard up with a woman the next time he comes on the show. That led to Howard playing a prank call that the guys made using some Richard Simmons audio clips. They had Richard saying that he was this guy's daughter Cheryl. The guy was freaking out on the caller telling him to get off his phone.
Artie said that call was great. Fred played a ''I Wanted A Sausage'' song parody with Richard Simmons clips in it too. Howard said he's always found it hard to explain to his kids what the show is about. He said that he'd have to tell them that he got on and played Richard Simmons' ''Beautiful Sausage'' song parody today.
Ralph called in again and said that the annoying kid is even more annoying because he's wearing a suit and tie. He said that the kid is always saying that things are interesting and he just wants to strangle him. Robin said that it will be great to read about the kid in a couple of years when they find out how he ends up.
Howard played some more of the kid being interviewed on The Today Show. He had to fast forward through a bunch of what he had already played.
Howard said that they should have asked the kid how bad he wanted to shag Maria Menounos. Artie said that it was the most annoying thing ever. Howard said that everyone is buying into that kid. Howard said that he was getting distracted by Maria's legs in that clip.
Howard said that when he was 14 he was listening to Jimi Hendrix, smoking weed and beating his meat. He said it wasn't in that order necessarily. Howard said that he would ask that kid if he was doing any of that normal stuff if he could get a hold of him. He said that it's a freak show and the kid is like those little girls in beauty pageants. Howard said that the mothers are always fat and making their kids get into that stuff. Howard said that this kid has some kind of weird drive in him to do that. He said that when the kid gets older no one will care what he has to say. He'll just be another Rush Limbaugh type spewing his bullshit.
Howard said that he was beating his cock when he was that age. Artie said that, to borrow from Bob Levy, he was beating his cock like it owed him money.
Howard said that he heard about this concert and then they contacted him to say some stuff about TM. Howard said that his mother was saved by doing TM. He said that she used to be a real pain in the ass when he was growing up and he had to deal with that all day long. Howard said that she didn't want to live back then but then she found TM and got into that and now she's a different person.
Howard said his father's plan was to become an alcoholic with his mother to get her out of that depression. Howard said he had to listen to his mother talking about how she didn't want to live and how she was going to go upstairs and do herself in. He said that his mother went to a shrink once but she had enough of that after just one visit. She has a mistrust of doctors that goes a long way back. He said that she's finally getting over that now though.
Howard said that his mother came home one day and told him about this TM stuff. He said both she and his father were feeling terrific after doing the meditation thing. Howard said that she told him that he had to come home and learn about the meditation thing. Howard said that he got home from a college break and she took him to a TM center. Howard said that it was the first time that a mother had brought a son to the center. Howard said that he's heard that story over and over again over the years. Howard said that she did have a profound change in her life and she was a changed woman. Howard said he had never seen a change in a person like that before.
Howard said that he started doing the TM thing and stopped smoking cigarettes. He said that he lost the desire for them. Robin said that she started meditating too. She said that it just happened after she got back into the meditation thing.
Artie said that he thinks he might have to try this. Howard told him to just give it a try and see what happens. Robin said that she does it and that's why she doesn't need therapy. Howard said that Robin was a 64 on the narcissism scale before she started doing it.
Howard said that when David Lynch contacted him he wasn't sure he could do it. He said that he doesn't like being up in front of crowds. He said that they talked him into it though and now he's in. Robin said she'd like to go to the event so she can see what happens there. Robin said that she would like to introduce Robin and have her do the speech.
Howard said that he thinks the event is on April 4th. Artie said that he wants to go to the thing too. Howard said he's just going to say a couple of words there. He said that he's not sure if Paul and Ringo are going to be performing together or not. He said that would be pretty rare.
Howard said that he won't be going up in his Fartman costume or anything at this concert. Howard said that he's retired all of his ass cheek bits. Howard said that the one other time he did show his ass cheeks was on the channel 9 show during his Right Said Fred parody. He said that was very frightening.
Howard said that he was running in the park with his 16 year old daughter and he thought that he was doing pretty good. He said he thinks that he's in shape until he looks at his ass and thinks that it doesn't look much better than it did when he was out of shape. Howard said that Artie's ass might look better than his. Artie said that his ass is grotesque. Howard said his is grotesque too. He asked Artie to show him his ass so he could see it. Artie just laughed.
Howard got some feedback about Gary Lewis and Suzan Lewis being on the show. There were some people wondering how Gary can be so well adjusted after going through what he has with his father. Howard and the guys talked about how Gary really does seem to be a nice guy.
Howard read some more feedback about Gary and Suzan. Some people felt bad for Suzan and the way her father was treating her.
Howard read an e-mail about Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman from a guy who thought that Bill Maher was hitting on Sarah on a show not too long ago and he was thinking that he may have stolen her away from Jimmy.
Howard read some mail about Robins narcissism test results. There were some who thought that Robin was great either way. Some people thought that Robin doesn't know just how bad she is and she's always interrupting the show just to hear her own voice. Some people wrote in about how awesome Robin is either way.
One of the quotes was an Arnold Schwarzenegger quote so that led to them playing a prank call that they had where someone called an Asian woman and used Arnold clips from ''Kindergarten Cop'' where he asks ''Who is your daddy and what does he do?'' They had him asking that over and over again and the woman wonders who he is and why he's asking her this stuff. Howard had wondered if that woman could possibly be good looking.
Howard got back to the audio clips and played some more of his quotes. They were able to figure out the quotes pretty quick. He had some from Austin Powers, When Harry Met Sally, Forrest Gump, Titanic and a bunch of others.
Howard said that he would think that the fans would get bored with that kind of thing. Artie said that some people might get annoyed depending on what kind of fans they are.
Howard said that the guy is kind of insane and crazy. Robin was annoyed by it. Gary came in and said that the games are very long and the scores are always very low so they have to add excitement to it somehow. He said that the original clip he had was much longer and the quotes were so vague that people wouldn't be able to figure it out.
Howard took a call from a guy who had a game to play. He said that it was ''Did Howard Say This...'' He had some quotes from Howard saying that he would never move in with his girlfriend. Howard said that he didn't like the game as soon as he heard that. Howard said that he's a fuckin' retard for having ever said that. He said that Beth still tells him about that to this day.
The caller had another quote which was from Robin. He asked her if Robin said ''I don't understand these vegetarians who don't eat meat...'' The guy said that she did say that.
The caller asked if Howard said that Robin was out one day in 2000 and no one had noticed. Howard said he would never say that. The guy said he was right, he never said that.
The caller had a quote about marathon runners grossing him out when they run with doody and urine all over their legs. Howard said he did say that one. He was right. Howard said he has grown over the years and people do change. They had to go to break after that.
Howard said that Tim used to have a big Rush Limbaugh head but it's not nearly as big as it was. Tim said that he just felt better in no time at all. He said that he feels really good on this diet. Tim said that Howard should try this diet just for a little time and he'll feel even better than he does.
After the break we heard some prank calls that Sal and Richard made to a public access TV show. Fred also played Stevie Wonder singing to Howard and then some Green Day ''Good Riddance (Time of Your Life).''
Howard came back and sang a little bit with the Green Day song. He was doing his Led Zeppelin thing with that song.
Howard asked Artie if he's going to stay off the shit this weekend. Artie said that he has a gig this weekend and he's doing a book signing too. He said he has a new hour of stuff and he's going to be taping the show for a new DVD. He said he's been doing totally sober shows lately and it's working out really well for him.
Howard asked Artie if he's drinking at all. Artie said that if he was going to fall off the wagon he wouldn't be doing the drinking thing. He said it would probably be heroin. Artie said that he would like to be a casual drinker eventually. He said that he thinks that he has to stay off of everything though.
Artie said he has found that it is better to be off of everything. Howard said he likes that Artie is working his way down to alcoholism.
Artie said that he wants to lose weight before he does this DVD thing. He said that he would like to lose 20 pounds at least. Robin said that she can do that for him and get him to lose it in 21 days. Artie said he knows that.
Howard said that Artie seems to be cutting back on the food he eats. Robin said that it appears that way but they don't know what he's eating in the afternoon.
Robins said that she's seen a pattern with Artie lately. he's very tired on Thursdays. Artie said that he really is tired. Howard asked if he's ''dancin'' or not. Artie said he's not. He said that he can't fight this schedule that they have. He's been staying up to watch basketball and he's just wiped out.
Howard said he has thought about staying up late but he can't do it. Artie said he didn't go to bed until midnight last night and then he got up at 4:50 in the morning. He said he has to shower before going to work. Howard said that he showers the night before. Artie said the shower wakes him up.
Howard said he had a clip of this rapping flight attendant that has been making it's way around the internet. He said that he wouldn't want to hear a rap before taking off on a plane. He wants to know that they're serious about their jobs.
Howard played the audio of this flight attendant guy doing this rap thing with the people on the flight. He asked them to give him a stomp and a clap and then went into his rap about the cost of the drinks, where the carry on luggage goes and all of that nonsense.
Howard said that to him the thing he likes the most on a plane is that it's quiet and he can get some sleep and maybe watch a movie. He said he doesn't want to stomp and clap.
Artie said that he got a note on a flight one time from the pilot who told him that he was a big fan and listened to the show every morning. He said that he's not sure he wants someone like that flying him around.
Richard said that he was on a flight one time where the flight crew was dressed up like Elvis. Howard said that would bother him and he really doesn't want that kind of thing going on with a flight. He said that it's serious business.
Richard said that he heard a story about a pilot doing a crossword puzzle one time and when they looked at it, it was all wrong.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this TM discussion seems kind of hypocritical. He said that Howard is against religion and all but this TM seems to make it sound like he has gotten very spiritual. Howard said that the TM isn't religion based at all and he looks at it more like something like brushing your teeth.
The caller said that his wife prays twice a day and it's the same kind of thing. Howard said it isn't the same thing because his wife is taking a leap of faith and believing that there's a magic man in the sky. Howard said that he does pray sometimes when he thinks that he's in trouble. He said that he can't say that he doesn't believe anymore because he freaks out wand starts doing it when something bad happens.
Artie said that they asked him to go over there again and he said he would do it. He said that they had that guy David up there yesterday and he's out for good because he was involved in a car bombing incident.
Howard asked Steve about the story they heard about him converting to be a Jew. He asked Steve why his wife made a big deal out of that. Steve said that was his idea and his wife didn't make him do it. Howard tested Steve on some Jewish stuff and snag a song to him but Steve didn't know how to respond to him. Steve asked him if he wanted him to recite the shabat prayer to him instead. Howard didn't seem to know what that was. Steve said that he doesn't get to go to temple much these days so he's a little rusty with that stuff.
Steve said that there was a zoo vote about what to name a baby gorilla and they claim that the name ''Artie'' wasn't the winner but Matt at SaveBabyGorilla.com thinks that they derailed his idea to have it named Artie.
Steve mentioned that Riley Martin will be filling in for Scott Ferrall on Friday night from 8 to midnight. Robin said that she has to tune in for that if he's going to be doing a full four hours. Howard played some clips from one of Riley's shows from a couple of weeks ago. Riley was sounding a little under the weather on that show. Howard asked Tim what he's doing by giving that guy a four hour show. He said that Riley's show is a novelty show and it's not made to be a four hour show. The guys said that Tim must be dizzy from doing that diet.
Tim came in and said that Riley has been begging for this for a long time and he has promised to be very well for the show. Fred said that he thinks that Riley will be two cases unwell by the two hour mark.
Howard said he thought Riley's show was a novelty show. Tim said that it is but Riley claims that he can do this and he's been begging for it. Tim said that as long as he doesn't do the long, drawn out stories and he takes some phone calls, he should be fine.
Gary asked if they're paying Riley more for the four hour show. Tim asked him why he had to bring that up. He said they're paying him the same amount.
Howard played a Jack and Rod Show bit that Sal and Richard did with a guy where they played clips of Riley Martin basically saying nothing and just rambling about a bunch of nonsense.
Artie said that he loves that Riley was once caught with like 600 pounds of pot. Howard said he wants to tune in for hour four of that show on Friday night.
Steve wrapped up and then Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects they had for today's show. He mentioned AJ Morgan's visit today and that led to Howard and Robin talking about her lactating and how strange that was. Howard said he finds her very attractive. Artie said that she was very sexy.
Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone. Mutt said that they have a lot of Robin stuff that they'll be covering tonight. He said they have to talk about the 4 hour Riley show too. Howard said that the show will be on tonight at 7 on Howard 101 and let Mutt go.
Robin started off with a story about a family of fat people looking to be paid by the government for disability. They've been complaining that they can't get enough money to put food on the table. Howard said that it's their own fault for getting fat though.
Robin read a story about Pete Seger turning 90 years old. Howard didn't know what it was he did. Robin and Artie told him about the kind of folk music he used to perform. They played some of his stuff and Howard said that he can't believe people paid for that.
Howard said that he was thinking about music and how it's gone down hill over the years. He said you don't hear anyone doing the harmonies and stuff anymore. Fred said that it's always the same shit over and over again these days and it takes talent to do what they used to do years ago.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that Beth is doing a Battlestar Galactica make over on the Mike and Juliet show. She said that Beth's hair looked great and Dr. Drew was going to be on the show today too. Howard had to hang up on her because he was trying to get a word in but she wasn't letting him.
Howard said that they were doing this make over because they found this woman at Comic-Con and she was wearing something strange there so they're going to make her over. Howard said they should just let Beth dress the woman but they wanted her to do something else.
Howard said that Beth has been doing that show almost weekly now. Howard said she's very busy lately doing that stuff. She's supposed to be interviewing some race car driver for Access Hollywood today. Bubba told him that he's supposed to be one of the best looking race car drivers in the country right now. Howard said he doesn't need that going on.
Robin read some more about Pete Seger's 90th birthday celebration. There's a whole group of people participating in that celebration.
Robin had a story about the kind of eggs that people like to eat the best. Most people like them hard boiled. That led to them talking about eggs for a short time. Artie loves them. Robin said that she's seen some pretty nasty looking egg meals before.
Robin read a story about a guy who beat his wife with a set of deer antlers. Robin had a story about a woman who ended up throwing her cat, and some other things, at her boyfriend during a fight.
Robin had some news about a teacher at a school who made a student take their lunch out of the trash and eat it after they threw it away. Howard said he doesn't get that. He said that his mother used to make him eat everything on his plate. Robin said that teachers should know better than that because they always end up getting caught. Now she's on administrative leave.
Howard and the guys talked about that teacher story for a few minutes. Howard said he thought about teaching after he retires but then he had second thoughts about that. He said he's not sure what he would teach other than how to get fired.
Robin read a story about an Islamic private school in Virginia that has been stopped from expanding because the people there think that they're teaching hate. She had some audio of some people talking about what they have in their text books and how they teach hate in there. Howard said that he had to adjust his balls during that story because they got all caught up in his underwear. Howard said that Robin doesn't know what that's like to have to adjust your balls.
Robin read a story about how it's been 6 years since President Bush announced they were going to war in Iraq. She had some audio of his speech when he did that. Artie said he remembers cheering back then when that was announced. Howard said that they were fed a line of bullshit back then so that's why they were all cheering.
Robin had more clips of Bush talking about how they were doing this to defend our freedom and we were bringing freedom to more people. Robin had some clips of some people talking about who they want the military out of that country.
Robin read about Natasha Richardson's death after they removed her from life support. She had some audio clips of some people responding to the awful news.
Howard wondered who he would have on his list of people who should be at his bed side when he's dying. He said he doesn't want Benjy there. He mentioned a bunch of celebrities that he would like there next to him. Howard said he'll probably end up with Dominic Barbara there.
Robin read a story about a woman who was trying to get $70 million in a divorce but it's down to $35 million because of the economy. She claims that it costs her $53,000 a week to live so she's suing for more.
Robin read about how Brookeville, Long Island is one of the wealthiest places to live. She read about the net worth of some of the people who live there.
Robin read about Bernie Madoff's accountant being indicted. Howard said they have to go after everyone who was in on that whole thing. They spent a couple of minutes on that story.
Robin read a story about Jimi Hendrix music being in Guitar Hero World Tour and she wasn't sure if that was a big deal or not. Howard said it didn't mean much to him. She read about some of the songs that were available on certain video game systems. Howard and Artie were singing some Hendrix songs and Robin figured they'd like to play Guitar Hero. Howard said he has no desire to play that. Fred ended up playing a couple of Hendrix songs.
Robin read some news about the Jonas Brothers latest album and what they're including on it. They're experimenting with new instruments.
Howard had Sour Shoes on the phone doing his David Crosby impression for them. He sang some songs for them and started cracking up in the middle of one. Howard asked Sour why he can't ever finish a song. He said that he has some talent there and he just gives up. Howard had him play some more stuff and he really is amazing with the stuff he plays. Howard and Robin talked about Sour Shoes' poor father who has to listen to that stuff all day long.
Robin read a story about the Christian Science Monitor going to web based only and no longer being a print newspaper.
Robin read a story about Leann Rimes possibly dating a married man and being photographed with the guy. Both of them are married. Robin ended her news and Howard ended the show a short time later, around 10:35am.
Benjy said he thought that AJ was really beautiful and her nipples were really nice. He said that they were adorable and sexy.
Will said that one of his friends texted him during that interview and said ''Mmmm Braces'' while she was talking about that braces fetish thing.
Jon asked Will where the kielbasas came from. Will said that the Howard TV guys came up with all of that stuff. He said that AJ wanted to make sure they had dildos on hand since she didn't like meat.
Jon had Teddy play some of the audio from when AJ did the deep throating of the kielbasa. Gary asked Benjy if he was grossed out by the spitting. Benjy said that it was gross when she rubbed it into the meat. He said that he's gotten a hand job before and the chick spit on her hand. He said it bothered him because he figured it was ''safe'' until she spit on him.
Jon brought up AJ's lactating and Gary wondered why people find that hot. Some of the guys, like Jason, found it hot. Will said he thinks that Jason just saw milk and got hungry.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was listening to that interview and there was something about her that made her come across as the biggest bitch. Gary said he didn't think she was bitchy. The caller said that the way she talked about the way she tells guys to fuck off when they hit on her was a real turn off. He said that she wanted nothing to do with the show or anyone there. He said it was a total turn off to him the whole time. Gary said that he liked the way she lost it with Ralph when he called in. Gary said that he'd like to know what other people's impressions were about her.
Jon took a call from the guy that bashes the Mets every day. He did his thing and goofed on Gary about his pussy Mets.
Another caller said that the ''real skin'' thing that AJ was talking about is a product name. He works in an adult store so he knows.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that a lot of people call in like that and put on some type of personality. Gary said it's also hard to fight with a guy who doesn't care what you have to say to them. He said that he could have gotten under Pete's skin if he wanted to but it wasn't worth it.
Gary talked about how Ralph has great ideas and he's never finishing them. Gary said that he actually does have good ideas though.
Gary said that when he started working on the show he really loved it and never thought that much about how little money he was making. He said that he figured he could make the money somewhere down the line. He said that you do it and hope that the rewards come sometime in the future. Gary said that no one starts there at some insane salary that you can't just walk away from.
Another caller brought up AJ Morgan and the braces thing. He said that it's the pigtails and braces that turn some guys on. He said it brings you back to the high school days when you were getting blown. Gary told the guy that was kind of creepy. The guy said that he doesn't think about being with young girls now, he thinks about his life in the past when he was their age.
Another caller asked if they could trade Pete for someone else there in Pittsburgh. He said that he'd like to get rid of him from their city. The guys talked about how Howard wasn't trying to make Pete a character on the show today, he was just taking an interesting phone call.
Ass Napkin Ed called in and told Gary that he did a good job yelling at Pittsburgh Pete. He said that he seems to be a real phony. Ed said that he acts real nice but he's a real phony and he will beat the shit out of him for Gary when he sees him again. Gary told him not to do that. Ed said he's going to do it no matter what.
Ed was upset about the way Pete was talking about him today. Ed said that Pete is a loser because he still lives at home with his father.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he had to agree with Ass Napkin Ed. He said that his skin crawls when he hears Pete call in. He said he just doesn't seem right to him and he's really annoying. More annoying than any other caller.
Will said that there are a lot of regular callers that get hate from the other fans. He mentioned some of the people who call in and get bashed by the fans because they get too much air time.
Jon took some more calls and ended up talking more about Ralph and some of the other callers that get hate from the fans.
Jon took a couple more calls and one guy brought up the Paparazzi stuff they were talking about. He said that Robin was saying that she can't help herself from watching that TMZ stuff and that's the problem in this country. They have to post that stuff because they know that if they don't, someone else will. The guy was also talking about Pittsburgh Pete and his low pay and many jobs.
Jon talked about the Paparazzi stuff and said that he gets the guy's point about that. The guys spent a couple of minutes on that subject.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thought it was funny when Howard talked about becoming a teacher. He said that he would be miserable doing that just like Ted Williams was as a coach. They had to go to break after that.
Jon went back to the phones after that. One guy talked about how great Mike Ditka turned out to be as a coach after playing football. The caller also said that he though the show as riveting while Howard was talking about how dedicated you have to be to a job to succeed. The caller said that there are a lot of losers out there who don't have any idea that you have to do that.
Jon said that some of these callers are very persistent at getting through to the show as callers. They might be able to succeed if they did that with a job. Benjy said that he thinks that Pete might be able to take that hour from this morning and use it as a way to get a job on a radio station. Gary said that it's easy to dance with Howard but not so easy to do that same thing on your own.
Jon asked Benjy what it's like to host a show because he did that back at K-Rock one day. Benjy said that it was crazy because their phones were all fucked up when they started it. Will said that Tom Chiusano wanted to shut the show down 15 minutes into the show too. Benjy said that he likes having the power to shut people off on the phones.
Gary said that they have a computer screen right there and they see what people want to talk about and it can get kind of depressing when they see someone who hates what they just talked about. Jon said that it is tough to see that stuff sometimes but you also want to bring those guys on to have those discussions.
Gary said that they get a lot of that where they tell them that this isn't a sports show and they should move on and stuff like that. Will said that Howard can get affected by a caller and Howard will end an interview early if just one person says the interview sucks.
Jon said he understands that stuff because it has to affect you. Benjy said that sometimes Howard will ask them how they think the interview went even when it was a great segment. Gary said that always blows him away when Howard doesn't know when he does an amazing interview.
Jon said that he wishes that he could do what Howard does with someone like Scott the Engineer when he makes fixing his microphone a memorable interview. Will said that it really isn't easy to make Scott an interesting guy so that really is amazing.
Jon asked the guys what they though about Howard deciding to make that appearance. Gary said that the TM thing is important and he thinks he likes that he's not the main focus of that show. Benjy said he's thinking about checking out the TM thing.
Gary said that they used to have a public affairs show at WNBC and Howard interviewed the Maharishi back then. Gary said he saw the interview and they should put it on Howard TV because it's very compelling to see Howard meeting this guy. He said that Howard is a different person in that video and it's great to watch.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they're going to do another Celebrity Superfan Roundtable. Gary said he has a list of people who want to do the show. He said that they will do another one sometime.
Jon said that Robin offered to help Artie out with his weight loss and he wondered if the guys think he would do that. Gary said that Artie isn't wired to do something like that. He said that the Italians can't do that and stop eating pasta to eat wheat grass.
Jon asked Gary how he thinks Tim is holding up. Gary said that Tim is very convincing but he thinks he's going to walk into his office one day and Tim is going to break down and cry. Jon said he's not sure how long he can keep that up. Benjy said the tough part is going to be when he tries to become a moderate eater.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if they think that Artie would ever do Leno if he was out in California. Gary said he doesn't think that he would ever do it. Benjy said that he might do it if he wanted to confront Leno about the feud that Howard and Jay have. Gary didn't think that Artie would take that on. Gary said that he thinks that Artie could come back with a lot of good Leno material.
A caller asked why Mike Walker wasn't on today. Gary said that he just wasn't available today. He's still a regular and he will be back next week. The caller said that he was off two weeks ago too. Gary said there is no conspiracy going on or anything.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if Gary is really into those teen anal films they say he is into. Gary said he's really not. Benjy said that he won't even open up anything that says ''teen'' on it on the web.
The guys ended up talking about the Tradio calls that Sal and Richard have been making lately. They talked about how funny the call was today. Gary said that they're not sure that they're doing the right thing when they make those calls and he has to let them know that when something works, they should keep doing it.
Jon took some more calls and one guy asked Gary how big he's gotten. Gary said that he is pretty big. The caller said that he has been breathing very heavy. Gary said he's pushing 215 or 220 lately. Gary said he'd like to be around 190. The caller said that it's really distracting when he hears Gary breathing like that.
Will said that there are a lot of guys on the show who have gotten really big. Jon said that he's put on a good amount since he got there. They talked about some of the other guys who have put on a few pounds since they got there.
Ralph called in and talked about Gary's weight gain and how bad he looks when he does gain it. Gary said that used to bother him when he used to do that but now he doesn't care anymore. He said he used to care a lot but not anymore.
Ralph and Gary talked about the kind of food he's been eating and how bad things have gotten. Gary used to cut back on the bad stuff but now he just eats anything. He said he doesn't really sit down and have desert with dinner but he does snack on stuff during the night. He talked about the candy he eats and how hard it is for him to stay away from chocolate. Gary said he has a problem with that kind of stuff.
Jon took one last call from a guy who said that he wanted to know if they could say if they were going to make a Battlestar Galactica motion picture. Jon said that they all took an oath when they went to see that final episode and he can't talk about anything. They had to end the show a short time later.
Today's Best of the Week was over around Noon.