|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about how JD wasn't there again. Howard said there must be something psychological or maybe he's really sick. Howard said he's been out for the last 4 shows. He said he had a stomach virus but there's something else going on with him. He gets freaked out on the subway so that's not helping. Howard said Robin might have to speak to him. Robin said she'll do that and ask him what he thinks this is. Howard said he has some kind of anxiety.
Howard asked Gary what's going on with him. Gary came in and said that JD is on the train on his way home. He said he did come in to do some work but now he's on his way home. Gary said they keep in contact over email and last week he started texting him on his phone. He said JD told him about being sick and he's usually never sick. Gary said JD started to tell him that he was really sick and then on Friday he sent him an odd email about how he was upset about what was going on and how he was having anxiety attacks about being on the subway. Gary said he went 5 stops and he had to get off the subway.
Howard said he must be sick and because of not going to the doctor he's freaking out that he's sick. He won't go to the doctor because he has such poor communication skills. Howard said he can't even tell what's wrong with him to the doctor. Howard said he'd just say he doesn't know if he was asked.
Gary said Jon Hein was telling him that he almost drove to JD's house to take him home. He said he thinks that JD isn't proactive when it comes to getting help. Howard told Gary to call JD so they can talk to him. Gary said he's on the train so that's going to be tough.
Howard said Beth thinks she has to get in shape even though she's in shape. He said they do these work outs that are really rough from what he's heard. He said that if you tell her to do 10 million push-ups she'll do them. She'll only do them if the trainer tells her to though. Howard said he also has to deal with her attitude when she comes home after something like that. He said she's not in a good mood. He said that she's fine around the trainer. Robin said the trainer has told her that she's always in a great mood.
Howard said Beth tells him about how she works out for a full hour doing things like arms and abs. He said she's in pain after doing things like that. He said he has her working out like a Mexican jumping bean. Gary said it's working though. Howard said she's looked great even before this though.
Howard said Beth has to stay healthy and maybe not work out so hard. He said she also makes the mistake of reading what his fans say on SternFanNetwork. He said he tells her not to do that but she can't help it. Howard said they'll talk about how she looks like she's had plastic surgery and she's never had any. Gary said people are just jealous.
Howard said Beth is still running too. Robin said she heard about that from a friend that she runs with. Howard asked Robin why she was laughing when she saw him the other day when he was out running. Robin said it was because they were walking. Howard said his trainer wants to talk to Robin because she's doing some stuff wrong. Howard said her ass looked good too.
Robin said she's been trying to do the whole Yoga thing too so she's working on that. She said they have different types and she was trying out one where you throw yourself around like crazy. Robin said that you don't have time to look at anyone else in the class while it's going on. Howard asked if anyone there stinks. She said that they don't in this one class. Howard said there are some people who go to the gym that really stink.
The real JD said that he doesn't think he's going mental. He told Howard that he had this anxiety thing going on and he wasn't able to get over whatever it was. Robin wondered why he kind of knew what it was but didn't know what it was. JD said it was about being out in the city and he was getting really nervous about that. He said he felt better on Friday morning and went into work but then he had a panic attack and turned around to go home.
Howard wondered if this is from hanging around with Artie. He said Artie isn't even there this morning. Howard said maybe JD is trying to be Artie. JD said that's not it either.
JD said he came in last night but he left around 4:30 this morning. He said he took the subway there on Saturday and yesterday too. JD told Howard that on Wednesday and Thursday last week he had a cold or the flu. He said that seems to be gone now but then he's got the anxiety thing going on. JD said he went to a walk-in doctor and told that guy what was going on. He said he tried to take half a Xanax last week and that didn't work. He said he got that from a friend but didn't say who it was. He didn't want to get that person in trouble.
JD said he took that half a Xanax on Friday night and the doctor told him he might want to try Zoloft. JD said he thought about the Xanax from friends and figured that might work on him. He said he got 5 hours of sleep on that and it's the most he's gotten in a week.
Howard said he has to straighten out JD and quick. JD said he's trying to straighten himself out. Howard said JD can't be sitting at home afraid of the subway. Gary said he did get mugged on the subway but that was a couple of years ago.
Gary said that Jason went on the train with JD and he wanted to stay near the conductor. Howard asked why he would want to do that. JD said that the conductor is in the middle of the train and he kind of watches what's going on. Howard said he must be like security or something. JD said he's always sort of nervous with anything but this was just not going away. He said he's over anxious and nervous about something and it's very odd. Robin said it sounds like he's getting afraid to leave home.
JD said he got Zoloft and he's going to take that. Howard told JD to stop and said that he has to go to a real doctor, not a walk-in clinic doctor. Howard said that guy probably had jeans and a t-shirt on. JD said he wasn't like that. He said he did try to talk kind of cool and it was kind of strange. He said he was an older guy and he was trying to talk real cool. Howard asked him why he would go on some medication that a doctor in a walk-in clinic told him to take after seeing him just once. JD said the guy told him not to take Xanax because it's addictive. JD said that the Zoloft is addictive too from what he's read.
Howard told JD he might want to change his hours there. JD said he doesn't like riding the train in the middle of the night but then he might not get something ahead of time. Howard told him to watch TV shows at night and figure out what to pull when he gets in. JD said he'll figure something out. He said maybe he'll get in around 4 when Scott gets in. Howard told him to sit down with him and figure out a new schedule.
JD said he's afraid of getting fired and that's the last thing he wants. Robin told him that he has to get out of the house to avoid that. If he doesn't then it's going to be a self fulfilling prophecy. Robin said people are always laughing at her for the problems she has and they're having these problems. JD said he never laughs at her.
JD said he really doesn't want to take meds. Robin said that he used to say that about drinking and he drinks like a fish now. JD said he hasn't ''drank in forever'' and Howard thought he said ''I haven't dranken...'' He said that's from JD's Full Sail education.
JD said he doesn't have an appetite on this medication he's on. Howard told JD to go on whatever Jason is on because he's always hungry.
Robin said whatever problem JD has is up in his noggin. She said that he has to go to get some help for this. Howard said he's not sure what's going on there but he really does need to get help. Robin asked if he has to retire to take care of his health. JD said it's not like that.
Howard asked JD if he's been jerking off and stuff. JD said he hasn't been doing that either. Howard said that's like his whole social life to go on the internet and pick up some girls. Howard said that he should go out and do that.
Howard asked if the whole Ronnie show is what's stressing him out. JD said he doesn't think so. He said he almost didn't go in on Tuesday because of the whole Ronnie thing. Robin said he sounds terrible.
Howard asked JD what exactly happens. He asked him about what he does when he gets up and what he does to get into work. JD said he gets up around 11 to get on the train so he can get there around midnight. JD said he goes to sleep around 3 and gets up around 9:30. Howard said those are the worst hours to work. He said they really have to fix that and work something out.
Howard said JD was his rock and he was the one guy who wasn't mental. He thought he had it all together. JD laughed and said ''yeah right...'' JD said he knew he was sort of mental but he's not going ''KC mental'' or anything like that. Howard asked if he's reading the bible and cutting himself. JD said he's not doing anything like that. JD said that the only thing he's having problems with is showing up to work.
Howard said it makes sense that JD is fucked up. Robin said all of the indications for being fucked up are there. He's not able to talk and things like that. Howard said that JD has a messed up childhood so that's one reason he might be messed up. Robin said he doesn't talk to anyone at the parties they go to.
Howard said that Artie was supposed to be canceling the gigs but he always seems to have 2 more to do. He said that those shows are making him mental. Howard asked JD what it is about Artie and those shows. JD said that he has to travel to the shows and he has to get into his own zone but then he does meet and greets that make it hard for him to get into his zone. JD said that he'll meet people before the show and it makes it even more stressful.
Howard said the stress comes from not having any hobbies and Artie thinking about the amount of money he can be making at the shows. Howard said that Artie hasn't looked so good lately and he seems to be really stressed out. He said he saw him chewing on his arm last week and smelling it or at least putting it up to his face like he's smelling it. Robin said Artie came in looking good on Monday last week but by the end of the week he looked like a werewolf.
Howard had Artie on the phone and it was actually Sal making the squeaking sounds with a balloon in his office. Robin asked if they heard from Artie yet. Howard said he's probably not even awake yet.
Howard asked JD more about his problems. JD said that his anxiety comes from taking the train in. He said that he's not sure if he would have a problem if someone drove him in. Howard said he gets why he'd be nervous taking the subway at that time of night. Gary said that JD got punched in the face on the subway so of course he'd be scared. JD said that doesn't help. He said that he's all of a sudden really nervous about this stuff though.
Gary said that Artie texted him and said that he can't make it into work today. It was a very simple text just saying ''I can't make it in today, sorry.'' Gary said he left his phone at home and had to wait for someone to wake up before he found that out. He wondered what it is that makes it so hard for Artie to come in. Robin said that the shows might be making him so mental that he can't work. She thinks that the shows are making him sick. She said that he has so much anxiety that Artie is blaming it on something other than what it is. Gary said that the anxiety should keep him from doing the shows instead of not showing up there.
Howard said everyone being so mental is making him nuts. He said it's really overwhelming for him. He said he can't imagine being the head of a big corporation and dealing with people like this. He said you can't even fire people over this kind of thing.
JD said he's not going to take anymore Zoloft. He said he will go to a real doctor and figure out what to do. Robin told him he has to go to talk to someone professional and get over this before he's not even able to leave his house. Howard told JD to get some help and ask Jon Hein about going to his doctor if he has to.
Howard told JD he had to get going. He let him off the phone and said that Jackie used to say that they're like ''flypaper for the walking wounded.'' He was right about that according to Robin.
Gary said he thinks that Jackie's deal is up soon and he thinks that might be what this is all about. Howard said he really doesn't care anymore and he's not going to negotiate. He said if he wants to leave then just leave. He's not going to deal with that shit anymore.
Howard said he doesn't want to do this whole thing with Jackie but he does consider him a friend so he's going to do it. He said that he knows how it's going to go and how Jackie will show up laughing like there's nothing wrong. Howard said Jackie will tell him about his life for about 20 minutes. He imagined what that would be like and how Jackie would talk about how great it is not waking up early. Howard did an impression of Jackie talking to him about that stuff for a few minutes.
Howard talked about Jackie's wife Nancy and all of the stuff they used to talk about on the show when they were on. Howard goofed on Jackie about all of that stuff. Howard explained what that whole deal was like with his wife and how complicated it was.
Howard said he and Jackie have a date for lunch and they'll be talking about Jackie's future there. Howard said he's pretty sure Tim is happy with the way things are. Howard asked Tim if Jackie spoke to him already. Howard said he didn't want to blow Jackie off about the whole thing but he wants to know if Tim spoke to him. Tim came in and said that he spoke to Jackie a few months ago. He said Jackie wants to do more on the channels but they only have 24 hours to work with. He said they have things worked out the way it is now so they may not be able to fit in more show unless he wants to come in and work on the weekends live.
Tim said he talked to Jackie on the last contract go around. He said he asked Jackie what he wanted and Jackie said he just wanted more air time. Howard said that he wants more of that Joke Hunt show. Howard said there is no money there so that's what they have to tell him. Tim said that Riley Martin wants more air time too. Howard said that they don't have money for that.
Robin said Jackie had a big salary there and he walked away from it. He thought it was too much back then but now he wants more air time. Howard said he has to explain to Jackie that he can be replaced there. He said he could replace Jackie's show with Medicated Pete. Robin said Jackie had it made there and he blew it.
Tim said that he'll handle Jackie for Howard. Howard said he really doesn't want to deal with this. He said he's stuck having lunch with the guy now. Tim said that he'll come to lunch with him then.
Howard said he can't believe that he's the one stuck in this position. He said that the fans really wanted him to be part of the family so they gave him his own show and now he seems to think it's some kind of career path. Howard said Jackie is going to hit him up for more hours but they're not going to be able to do it. Howard said Jackie is trying to go over Tim's head with this and that's not going to work.
Howard said he can't get Artie to come to work and he can't get Jackie to leave him alone. He said it doesn't make sense. Fred did his JD impression and talked about what's going on with him too.
Howard said that he has to have lunch with Jackie. Fred said he really doesn't have to do it because Jackie is trying to lean on him to give him hours. Howard said he's going to tell Jackie that he has to go through Tim. He has no control over it, it's all up to Tim.
Howard said Tim doesn't have to come with him to lunch. He said that he'll handle it but he's going to have to tell Jackie that he can't give him more time. He said they just don't have the ability to give him more. Howard said he should have Riley at the lunch too so he can tell them that they're in the same boat.
Gary told Howard that one of the big sticking points with Jackie was that he was demanding an intern. Tim held his ground and said no. Howard said he's not changing Jackie's deal at all and it's staying the same. Tim said ''It is what it is.''
Tim said he has a few more that could be in that meeting too. He wouldn't say who it was though. Tim said that his entire career is spinning these plates with all of these people. He said starts from the time he gets there until he goes home.
Howard let Tim go and told him not to wear tight pants anymore. He said that his package was showing and his ass was wrapped up like a sausage. Howard said that someone told him about how he was leaning back in his chair and showing off that lump in his pants. Robin said he likes everything tight. Tim came back and said that his jeans fit great. He said people were asking him to stand up when he was out to dinner the other night. Tim thanked Howard for that.
Howard said he heard the clips Fred was playing at the start of the show and one of the best clips ever was Pat O'Brien voice mail clips. He said that out of everything that's happened over the past decade, that stuff never gets old and it's always terrific. He said that the fact that they have Pat on tape talking sex with someone is great. He said he'd have to vote it greatest clip of the decade. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and brought up Tiger Woods. Howard said that they were going to do Roll Call too but Robin told him that they can't do that again. Howard said he was kidding. He read some email about the Roll Call thing and some people hated it. Others loved it. Howard said that they wanted them to do it every morning. Ass Napkin Ed was even on the phone to try it out again. Howard said that some people wondered why they were being tortured with that stuff.
Howard said that some people were laughing at the whole thing while they were trying to figure it out. Others would say it was the dumbest thing ever but when Howard did it then it was kind of funny. Someone pointed out how funny it was how seriously Lisa G took it. He read the email where they guy said Lisa thought it was cool so she was trying to take it seriously. Howard said it was mostly favorable feedback and they may have to try it again.
Howard said the best part of the Tiger Woods thing is that there are 9 women who have come forward. He said that they're coming forward because they're all jealous of the other girls. Howard said the first woman came forward and Tiger offered her some money to shut up. Then the other girls figured they'd come forward to get the same. Howard said the first girl lied and then the other girl came out and got some attention so the other girl threatened to spill her guts too. Howard said about 7 others came forward over the weekend.
Howard said he's learned that Tiger is well endowed and he likes to spank and pull hair and get into some S and M stuff. Robin said that's what she's read too.
Howard said Tiger has broken into a world that used to be a white world and he had it made. He said it doesn't quite work for him anymore now that all of this has come out. Howard said that the most interesting part is his wife. He said she was a nanny and they're now saying that she was a model. Howard said she wasn't a model, she was a nanny. He said the wife is hot and she was babysitting for these golfers and now there's one golfer out there apologizing to Tiger for introducing them. Howard said that's ridiculous. He said that the golfer is a guy no one has ever heard of but he's the most disturbing guy because he's trying to get involved in this whole thing. Howard said that the guy is saying that he's sorry for introducing Tiger to this woman.
Howard played some audio of that golfer saying that he was sorry he introduced Tiger to Elin. He wants to apologize to her for introducing them. She also said that he hopes that she uses a driver instead of a 9 iron next time. He also said that Tiger shouldn't ''just do it'' as Nike would say. Robin said he did that probably because he doesn't have a Nike endorsement.
Howard said he heard that Oprah has contacted Tiger to do her show. Howard said if he does her show then he's a fool.
Howard said that they were 5 minutes late for Roll Call already. Jason came in with the lyrics so they could do that. Howard had other things to talk about though. Howard said that one friend was telling him that if Tiger had tired to hit his wife with a golf club if she had cheated on him then Tiger would be in jail. Howard said there's a double standard there and it's just not the same thing. He said that you can't swing a club at anyone if you're a man or a woman. Robin said that's probably because Tiger has been stone walling and not saying a word. Howard said it would be funny if she ended up in jail after all of this.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he didn't want anything to do with the roll call thing. He said that he was a fan of golf and he wanted to talk about that guy who was talking about Tiger earlier. He said that guy screams out for attention in any way he can.
Howard said he was going to try this Roll Call thing again this morning. He had Ass Napkin Ed on the phone to do it again even though he was awful at it last week. Howard played the theme music and tried to do it once again. The guys didn't sound like they were that into it though.
This time Ed did better than last week when he had to come in with his rap. Howard told Ed he had it today. Ed asked if he could get a prize today. Howard said maybe next time he'll give him something.
Howard said that they had some stuff in the music bed that worked. He said he was proud of himself for the way it went. Howard said they may have to do a celebrity roll call. He said he's going to try and get Dr. Drew on the show to do it. Howard said they wanted Dr. Dre to do it but he read it as Dr. Drew and that's what he thought would be great.
Gary said they have 50 Cent coming in next week so they may get him to do it. Lisa got all excited about it and said that he'd be great. Howard said Snoop Dogg is coming in soon too. Lisa said she won't sleep before those shows. Howard said that almost died until he brought in Celebrity Roll Call. He said they could have had John Stamos do that the other day.
Lisa got to her news preview and said they spoke to Scott Ferrall about his double scrotal hernia. Howard said he spoke to Scott and told him to stop with the karate so he doesn't have problems like this again. Howard said he took karate for years and he still can't kick anyone's ass.
Howard said that Richard has the gout from drinking and his diet. Gary told him to go see his podiatrist about the gout thing. He said that Gary has a lot of foot problems. He goofed on Gary's hairy toes for a minute before getting to Richard.
Howard said Richard doesn't know anything about modern hygiene and things like that. Gary said he told Richard to go see this doctor and Richard looked at him like he was a genius. He said that Richard didn't even think about going to see a podiatrist. Howard said Gary sent Richard over there and Richard was told to stop drinking for the weekend. Richard is now walking around talking about how boring his weekend is without drinking. Howard said this guy has a problem.
Richard came in and said that his girlfriend was drinking at brunch over the weekend. He said that he didn't expect her not to drink but he wished that he could have had a mimosa with her. Howard said if he had the problem Richard has, he wouldn't drink ever again.
Richard said he had a turkey burger for lunch yesterday. He said he's trying to take baby steps with getting healthy. Howard asked when he can go back to drinking. Richard said he hopes that'll be very soon.
Fred said that they say on many web sites that the excessive consumption of alcohol is the number one cause of this Gout thing. He said that Richard doesn't seem to understand that. Richard said he doesn't drink during the week that much. He said when he does drink he does drink to excess. Robin said that Richard can drink like 100 Mimosas and that's a problem.
Howard said Richard had to be wheeled off an airplane one time because he was so drunk. Richard said he knew the weekend was going to be fun so he got started a little early. Howard said he gets bombed on like 2 drinks. He said he got hung over this weekend when he had like 4 glasses of wine. He said he got buzzed off 2 glasses but had 2 more. Richard sounded surprised by that.
Richard has to take medication for high blood pressure according to Lisa. Richard said that's true too. Howard asked if he wants to die or something. Richard said if he wanted to die he would just get off the meds. Robin said it's worthless to try and explain this stuff to him.
Howard said he heard that Richard tips his flight attendant on the airplanes. Richard said they frown on that but he makes them take the money. Richard said that they don't have to wheel him off the plane either. He said that he walks out and then gets wheeled adorn the airport.
Howard read some more details about what Richard does when he drinks and stuff like that. Will and Sal were sending some notes to him about that stuff. That led to them talking about Jackie the Joke Man's song's about drinking. They played Jackie's ''Fools Gold'' song and Howard said that's the worst music.
Howard said Jackie's nails all started falling off and he was blaming it on the paper he was using. Howard said he thinks it was from the drinking and pot. Richard said he was thinking about trying pot instead of drinking. Howard told Richard that his body can't take the drinking stuff anymore. Richard said he'll take it slower if he can.
Howard read about Richard sneaking booze into movies and stuff. Richard said he loves sneaking that stuff in. He said he did that with the movie ''Bruno'' and had the greatest time. Howard said that movie really was great. He also said that he got the Munsters DVD set over the weekend. He thanked Robert Mills for sending that over to him.
Howard and the guys talked about the Munsters and the awful remakes of the TV show that were done. Richard wondered if they could ever do a big screen remake. Howard said they can't do that because they have to have Fred Gwynn playing the part. He said it just won't work without him.
Howard said that a bunch of people were going to get him the DVD set for Christmas but now he has it. Gary said that he was going to do it but he found out that a bunch of people were going to do the same thing. Howard said he loves the Munsters but he doesn't want anything else like the doll Richard got for him. He said he doesn't even know what to do with that doll. He said he doesn't like it and it makes him upset that he won't throw it out.
Howard said they have a clip of Richard drunk in the wheelchair. The Howard TV guys showed that clip and Richard said he tipped that guy who wheeled him out very well. The guy had to lift Richard out of the chair like he had CP. Howard asked what he drank that day. Richard said it was lots of Stoli vodka. He said even when he's that drunk he knows that he has to tip people. He said he gave that guy like 40 or 50 bucks.
Howard said the Howard TV guys have something up called ''Private Dance'' where you get some lap dances from the girls at Rick's Cabaret. He said he got about 3 dances himself.
Howard said that he got a copy of the Shauna Sands sex tape and it's really bad. He said that her vag lips are really bizarre looking. He said he thinks that they may have put collagen in those lips like they did to her face. Howard said they blew up the wrong lips. He said her life is the stupidest life ever and she runs around in her heels and poses for her French boyfriend who constantly tells her how good looking she is. Howard said at one point they start to fuck and the guy has a huge cock. Howard said Beth saw it and said ''Whoa!'' like it was huge. He said that she told him that she doesn't like looking at those things and only likes his.
Howard said that he bailed on that tape after a while. Howard said Beth was commenting on it the whole time and he wasn't enjoying the sex tape. Richard said he hates celebrity sex tapes because they never show the cumming. Howard said he doesn't care about that part. Richard said that's the best part. He said he liked the Tommy Lee and Pam Anderson tape because he blew his load all over Pam.
Howard asked Lisa if she's ever made a sex tape. Lisa said she never did and she's glad she never did. She got back to her news preview and talked about how horrible Scott Ferrall sounded after his surgery. She said that his balls swelled up to the size of lemons. He's going to be doing his show tonight but he's doing it from home.
Lisa said that Gary's pitch has been nominated as the best clip of the year by Sports Soup on E!. Lisa said that robin's friend Brendan may be writing a book soon too. Howard let Lisa go after that and went to break.
Howard said Gary told him a story once about a homeless guy whipping out his cock like he was going to piss in a subway car once. A big black business guy got up and told him not to do it but the guy was already doing it. Howard said that you never know what you're going to end up with in the cars. He said that sometimes someone will just shit on a seat.
Richard came in and said he was on the subway once and he sat down not paying attention and they told him that he had just sat in a homeless guy's shit. Richard said he looked down and ended up just wiping it off and went to the bar he was heading to. Howard said he would have gone home. Howard said he's not sure what' more disturbing, sitting in the shit or being Richard wiping it off and not going home. Howard said he's sure that Richard didn't even clean those pants. Richard said they might be the ones he's wearing now.
Howard said he had an audio clip of a woman freaking out on the subway one day. He played that clip and you hear a woman yelling about how she's going to kill her mother and stab her. She was yelling at the top of her lungs about what a bitch her mother was. Everyone on the subway was silent as this woman was screaming.
Howard said this woman's mother might be the nicest person. Robin said she's not sure about that. Howard played more of the woman screaming and got a chuckle out of it all. Howard said his mother would let her have it if she heard this. He said this woman sounds kind of like Sam Kinison. He said it would be funny if it was actually his sister. He let it play some more and the woman screamed almost non stop the whole time.
Howard said that's normal there on the subway. He said it would be great if that chick's mother was famous. He said it would be funny if it was Bristol Palin or someone like that.
Howard had some audio of a football dude crying too. He said that you never cry on TV. He said you should just suck it up and run away if you feel you're going to cry. Howard played the clip of this football player breaking down and crying when asked if he expected his season to end the way it did. That was Tim Tebow. The guys talked about how he's a virgin and Howard said that guy should have been fucking through college. He said that he wasted a bunch of years being abstinent.
Gary came in and said that they've never had that conversation. He said he's never copied the mail himself. He said that other people have been doing it for years. Robin said they have talked about this on the air before. Gary said that he wanted to talk about what happened then. Gary said that he knows he doesn't want originals of some stuff but what is it that he does want. Howard told Gary that he's not to give him originals of anything except maybe a letter from Jimmy Kimmel or someone like that.
Howard said that if he gets something from Jeff the Drunk or Mariann from Brooklyn, he wants a copy. He said he doesn't know what those people are doing to things and they should all be copies. Gary said that he gives the mail to Will and Will copies it. Howard said Gary is in charge of all of that stuff. Gary said he's never copied the mail. Howard said that Gary is the one who has to talk to that guy though so he should be in charge of it.
Gary said that Howard shoved his fingers into a fake vagina recently and that's way more gross than opening an old MAD Magazine. Howard said that's up to him though and that plastic vagina was brand new. He said that he wants everything copied. He said that if Jimmy Kimmel sends him a gift, he can give that to him. He doesn't want gifts from people like Jeff the Drunk or Mariann from Brooklyn.
Gary said that no originals go home with Howard. He knows that. He said that if the mail comes and they get a package, Tracey opens that. He said that he opens the mail himself. Gary said that if there is something that has to be logged in, does he give that to Tracey? Howard said yes. He said that he should pass that along to Tracey and send him a note. Howard said it's so simple. He told Gary that to make it easy on him he's going to tell him that he doesn't want to touch anything original. Howard said he took that MAD Magazine and threw it in the garbage chute. He said if Will leaves tomorrow and they have to replace him, he has to know what to tell the guy to do. Howard said that Gary is in charge of these guys and if he wants to fire him, it's up to him. He said he likes Will because Gary tells him that he does a good job. Gary said he's doing a great job. Howard said that Gary should be fired at this point but he has a family and it's the holidays.
Howard said that Gary has talked about how he can go out and produce a show like Regis. Gary said he never said he was going to do that. Gary said he said he could produce a show but that show may not even exist yet.
Gary told Howard he doesn't even think that Howard needs to see a card that Jeff the Drunk sends him. Howard said he'd like to be in the loop on it and he does want to know what they get there but it should just be a copy. He doesn't want to touch his mail because it grosses him out. Robin said this is coming from a man who thinks he was cured of his OCD.
Howard said he knows they've spoken about this on the air before. He said that Will should know better than to do this too. He said he's not sure what's wrong with Will.
Gary said they do things the way they do it because it would take him away from the show to do that kind of stuff. He said he gives it to other people to handle so he doesn't have to leave the show. Gary said Howard is acting like this is news to him. Howard said ''thank you'' to Gary and kept goofing on him.
Howard said he knows he's had this discussion with Gary before. He said that the system got started somehow and Gary thinks that they've never talked about it. Gary said there was a time when they would copy all of the mail but now they only give him the stuff they feel he needs to see.
Will got on Gary's mic and said that he would take the blame for the Jeff the Drunk card but not the magazine. He said that was up to Gary. Howard said they should have a meeting over this and make sure he doesn't touch a MAD Magazine like that again. Howard said the magazine looked like someone had wiped their ass with it. Gary said it was just a 30-40 year old magazine so it looked like it was worn out.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that he went out of his way to mail him a Christmas card and this is the treatment he gets. Howard said that Jeff isn't the most hygienic person he knows and half of his ass fell off because of that. Howard said that they had to get him to a doctor and now he gets a card from him and Gary gives it to him to hold in his hand. Howard said Jeff sent this giant card and it was nice but he doesn't want to touch it. He said he wants to see what he gets but not touch it.
Gary asked Howard about cards they get that need an RSVP. Howard said that they should copy then and hold on to them so he can respond. Howard said he doesn't want the original. Gary said that the letter from Jimmy Kimmel should be a copy? Howard said it should be a copy. He said that there are certain people who he knows that will send him stuff personal. He said that if Gary is that confused then he'll say just copy everything. He said if Gary can't see the difference there then he'll just have to say copy it all.
Gary asked about celebrities that he doesn't have a personal relationship with. Howard said that if Gary got a note from Shauna Sands what would he do? Gary said he would copy that. Howard said that's the right answer. He told Gary that he should put a letter from David Letterman in his mail. He said if it's from Jeff the Drunk or Mariann from Brooklyn, he should copy it.
Gary asked about Mickey Rourke. Howard said if there's a question, just copy it. He said if anyone is living in a car, make a copy. He said he can hold on to the original for a few days just in case he wants the original.
Gary asked Jeff if he watched Rudolph this year. Jeff said he did and he said that he didn't get upset this year. He and his late mother used to watch it together.
Howard let Jeff go and Howard said he can't believe he spent this much time on something so ridiculous. He said he sent Gary a note about it the other day and he just wants him to help him out a bit.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Gary is contradicting himself again. He said that he knows they've talked about this on the air before. Gary is saying he's never heard this system and blames Howard for setting it up. Howard said he's right. Robin said that Gary doesn't know how the copying got started. The caller told him to fire Gary and fire Ralph too.
Howard said he told Ralph to just check the closet and see if things are okay. It would take like 10 minutes to do and he could do it when he's in the city shopping. Howard said Ralph sets him up with his wardrobe for the week and that's all he has to do.
Howard said he pays Ralph a good salary to do this stuff and doing one more day to check his closet isn't that big of a deal. Howard said he can go out and hire other people to do it if he won't. Howard said he wants his closet to look good since he just got it all fixed up. He said Ralph fights with him over it.
Robin said that the Geektime show is what has Ralph all worked up. Howard said if that's the case then he's going to tell Tim to cancel it. Howard said that Ralph is buys on Facebook and things like that. Howard said Ralph is busy with his web site too. He said that he's all worked up with this radio show. He puts up links on his web site and things like that.
Howard told Tim to cancel Geektime since Ralph can't get to his apartment for 10 minutes. Robin said Ralph can't talk to people before doing the radio show either. Gary came in and said they were supposed to have a meeting about the Cougar bit they're doing and Jason had to go to a meeting for Geektime. Howard said he's going to have to fire him from that show then. He said if they're taking his people away from his show then he's going to have to cancel the show. Gary said that he heard Ralph is very particular about the show.
Howard said that everyone is fired from Geektime. That will solve all of his problems. Gary asked about the web site Ralph is working on and said he thinks it's just a bunch of links that Ralph has aggregated. Howard said that's exactly what it is. Howard said it's enough with the Geek show. Gary said that Ralph is going to call the Wrap Up Show and ask them what happened. Howard told him to just tell Ralph that the show was canceled.
Howard said the party is over and Geektime is dead. Howard said he wants Ralph to come in and straighten up his closet and then go home. He said that he's too busy with that Geektime to do that. Howard said Ralph is thinking that he's building an empire with that web site.
Howard said Eve showed up and she's not even the current title holder. Howard said this was just a step in the direction to get to the top for Eve. Howard said that if you queef you have to suck it up and just do it even if you are on your period.
Howard said that Eve showed up and he wants to get her in there so she can blow some queefs for them. Howard said she's a pretty girl too. He said she always shows up and knows what to do. Eve came in and said that she would have shown up even if she was on her period. She said she knows she's going to have a good time when she comes in there.
Eve said she was in the green room queefing. Howard asked if she queefs for her boyfriend. She said he's kind of jaded by the whole thing now. Howard asked if she's conservative when it comes to sex. She said that she thinks she's average. She said that she doesn't do anal. Eve said that she thinks that it would be painful so she won't get into it.
Howard asked if she'll give oral and do that kind of stuff. She said she's into that but not hair pulling and things like that. Howard asked if she does lesbian stuff. She said she's not into that either. Howard asked if she would do Tiger Woods. She said not to be on TV or anything. She said she might do him if it was in private. Eve said she keeps her secrets and never rats anyone out.
Howard asked Eve how she started queefing. She said she was about 11 or 12 and a friend of her's told her what she could do and showed her the queef thing. Eve thought it was great and tried it out herself. Eve said that she caught on pretty quick. She said it took a few tries but she was able to do it. Howard asked Robin if she ever tired it. Robin said she never did. Eve told her she could teach her how to do it.
Eve told Howard how she's able to suck air in and how it works. Howard said he's not sure Robin could ever do it. Robin said it sounds like a lot of moving parts.
Eve said that she ended up surpassing her friend with the queef thing. She went out and did it all the time. Eve even tried to teach other people how to do it. She said that her cousin tried to do it but she wasn't able to teach her.
Eve said that she will teach anyone who wants to learn. She said she's taught a couple of people how to do it and they were able to make some noise. She said she has a lot of control with her's though and other people can't do it as good as her.
Howard asked Eve about sucking smoke into her vagina with a queef. She said that she has been able to do that before. Eve said that she figures she'll get emphysema of the pussy by doing that though.
Howard asked Eve if she has a strange shaped vagina to be able to do this. She said that she hasn't been studied so she's not sure about that. She hasn't even brought it up with a doctor.
Howard asked Eve to do some queefs for them. Howard said he wants to give her a prize for doing it too. Eve said that was sweet. Howard asked her what position she wanted to do this in. She squatted down and blasted out some queefs. Howard said they sounded kind of wet. Eve said that they sound wet but she promised him that they're really not. Will joked that they were kind of smelly today.
Howard had Eve blast out a few more and said he would give her a prize for coming in. Eve let some really juicy sounding queefs and then Howard said that they had Abby on the phone. Abby is the one who holds the title right now and she was wondering why they had a contest going on without her. Howard said that they needed to test out some people as a qualifier. Howard said that they don't go right to the champ with someone new. The other girl didn't show up though.
Howard said he couldn't believe that Eve was beaten by Abby. Eve said that she's got a machine gun between her legs compared to her. Eve said she's built for long, quality queefs. She can't do rapid fire stuff like Abby can. Howard had her blast out some more for them. Eve did that and said that she'd love to be able to hold the title of queefing queen.
Eve said that she's not able to do fast queefs. Howard said he wanted her to try for him. She tried to suck in and out. She said it sounded like she was laying down some beats for them. They ended up doing their Roll Call with her queefs for a few seconds.
Howard gave Eve a $711 prize for coming in. She said it was a huge help for her right now. Howard wished her a happy Queefmas and let her go. Howard said that she was going to take on Alyssa but she didn't show up. Howard said he thought queefers were sexually loose but that's apparently not the case. He said he had to take a break a short time later.
Howard came back and pointed out that Yoko was in that song. He said that Gary just saw a review of Sean Lennon's album in Rolling Stone and they gave him 3 1/2 stars. He said that Yoko got 4 stars and John Lennon only got like 3. Howard said that they don't give bad reviews to Yoko or her kids because she's friendly with Jaan Wenner who runs the magazine. Howard said that Jimi Hendrix probably only got 2.5 stars.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his Howard 100 news preview. Steve said that they have a story about Eric the Midget and the letters they got last week. Steve said that Robert Mills is saying that Eric wrote the letter himself. Howard said he heard from Robert Mills that Eric was trying to get air time and he asked if he could write the letter. Robin said he worded the letters the same way so it was obvious they were fake.
Steve said they have new details in the Daniel Carver Jr. story and how he went looking for his grandchild with an assault rifle in hand. It's also reported that he allegedly hit his son-in-law and tried to make it all go away by paying off the cops.
Steve said that there's a new cartoon series in the works and Sour Shoes is working on it. He's doing some Asian cartoon. Howard said he heard that Sour Shoes does a great Tracey Millman impression. He had him on the phone and Sour Shoes was doing an amazing impression of her. He started to go into some music when Howard cut him off. Steve quickly said that Chuck Zito's View is on tonight at 7 and Greg Fitzimmons' show is on at midnight.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Howard and Robin asked how he felt about Geektime being canceled. Jon aid that he'd be happy getting his Saturday back but he liked doing the show. Howard said if Ralph can't do his job and do that show at the same time then he's going to have to cancel it.
Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's Wrap Up Show. They ended up talking about some of the stuff they were going to be talking about today. The whole mail thing came up for a short time. Howard was asking Jon what he would copy and what originals he would give him. They threw out some names of people like Pam Anderson sending stuff to him and what he would do. Jon said he would copy it. Howard asked what he would do if Stuttering John sent a t-shirt and some other stuff with a letter. Jon said he would pass that along. Howard said ''Wrong!'' and told him to just copy the letter and let him know about the other stuff. Howard said John is a shit head so he doesn't want him passing his stuff along. He said he should just throw everything in the garbage.
Howard asked Jon what he would do if he got a gag gift from Jerry O'Connell with a card. Jon said he would give him the card and let him know about the gift. Howard said he was right but then Gary asked if he would copy the card. Jon said he would but Howard said he wouldn't mind the card but to keep Gary from getting confused, he'd just say copy it.
Robin read a story about a passenger space ship that's going to be built. That led to Howard talking about how he enjoys life too much to do something so stupid. He said that a lot of people have gone up and not come back. Robin said a lot have gone up and have come back too. Howard said he has no use for that and he can't imagine what he's going to see that would be worth it. Robin said there is no place to go. She said you just go up and come back.
Howard said that he went hiking with his daughter and they had a destination. He said they hiked to the top of a hill and went to a restaurant there. He said that a lot can go wrong with these space station things too. He said he would like to experience weightlessness but that's about it. Robin said that's all you get and it's like an amusement park ride that can kill you.
While Robin was reading about that space craft Howard said Brian Phelan sent him something about a Battlestar Galactica movie that was out. He wondered what it was about. Jon Hein came in and told him it's like Battlestar Galactica told from the Cylon's point of view. Howard said he thinks he watched some of it but it was boring to him. Jon said he's seen some of it and he liked the idea of it but he's not sure if it was good. Howard said he didn't like what he saw because it was boring. Jon said it's called ''The Plan.''
Robin read a story about Billboard Magazine naming the one hit wonder of the decade. That song was Daniel Powder's ''Had a Bad Day.'' Then at number 2 was ''Lean Back'' by the Terror Squad. Robin said number 3 was Crazytown with ''Butterfly.'' She had a few others on the list as well. Howard said that song ''Fireflies'' has to be a one hit wonder too. He played Ed Torian singing ''Boom Boom Pow'' and said that was probably a one hit wonder too.
Ralph called in and said that the Battlestar thing kind of sucked because they didn't have the original producer involved with it. Howard also told Ralph that he had to cancel Geektime because of his schedule. Ralph said he didn't have to do that. Ralph said he'll do whatever he needs him to do. Howard said that he just wants him to come and straighten up the closet a couple of times a week.
Howard was busting Ralph's balls and said that he gets out there every Sunday he wants him there. He said he got killed in his football pool because of that. Howard said that's why he canceled Geektime. Ralph said he'll cancel Howard instead. Howard said he can cancel him if he wants to. Then he'll have plenty of spare time.
Ralph said he doesn't live around the corner, he can't just stop by at the apartment. Howard said that he doesn't live nearby either. Gary said he lives like an hour away from work. That's what work is about. You have to commute to work. Ralph said that maybe he can clean his house for him too. Howard said that's not what he's asking for. He said if he goes shopping in the city he can stop by and straighten up the closet.
Howard asked Ralph if he can do the job. Ralph said he can and he hasn't been complaining about it. He said he might be a little crazy but he's not insane. Howard told him he has to cancel the Geektime show if he can't do it.
Gary asked Ralph if he stole the liquor from the bar there or not. Ralph said he didn't. He said that he used to drink from the bar when they did Superfan Roundtable a couple of years ago. He said that they haven't been doing that lately though. Ralph said that they weren't wiping out the whole bar.
Howard told Gary to take away Ralph's privileges from the studio. Ralph said that this has come up before and Howard said it was okay that they were doing that. He said he won't touch it now but in the past he was fine with it. Howard said that's fine but he wants him to produce the tape. Howard said he doesn't believe he ever said that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he lost his job about 9 months ago. He said he was a driver for UPS and he got fired because he's a drinker and he was drinking on the job. He said that's all he had. Howard said they don't need a heavy drinker driving a truck. Robin said he didn't lose his job, he pissed it away. The guy said that they told him to never come back to the terminal again. The guy said he knew he was in trouble and went to unemployment. Howard told him to speed up the story. The guy said that he's in trouble and he wants to do something to himself. He sounded suicidal. He said he doesn't have anything anymore and he doesn't know what to do.
Howard wasn't sure if he was doing a real accent or not. Robin said it was for real. Howard said he has to have lunch with Jackie so he's suicidal too. The guy ended up singing a Baba Booey song in the middle of the call so it was a fake one.
Ralph called in and said that he will produce the tape that he was talking about and he will be playing it on Geektime this Saturday. Howard told him to go ahead and do that then.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about a PSA that's going to run on CBS where they tell guys to give their wives a PAP smear as a gift this holiday season.
A caller told Howard that Gary is such an asshole for arguing with him about the mail thing. He asked Howard if he surrounds him with people who are idiots on purpose. The guy was correcting Gary about something else about a Heiesman Trophy winner. Gary said that he was right about that. The caller said that was fine but he speaks with such conviction that he sounds like an idiot when he's wrong. Howard said he hired Gary for $150 a week when he was at NBC and he's stuck around all this time.
The caller was also asking Robin to avoid reading the stories about child molesters and stuff like that. Robin said she didn't have any today. She said there were some sad stories in there but she didn't have any child molester stories.
Robin read a story about Billy Joel's daughter trying to commit suicide. Howard said he felt really bad when he read that. He said he read that she may have just taken too many homeopathic meds and thought she had overdosed. Howard said she's upset about some dude and he'd like to tell her to just get over it because it's not worth getting upset about. He said he knows Billy and he's a nice guy so he felt bad about the whole thing.
Robin read some details about the Tiger Woods story and had some updates about what came out over the weekend.
Howard asked this woman, Karen, about sleeping with Tiger. She said that it was about 9 years ago. Karen said that she and her boyfriend were friendly with Tiger. Howard rushed her along because she was dragging it out. She said that she and her boyfriend had a threesome with Tiger and her boyfriend was upset because Tiger was better than him. She said that she thought it was kind of gay to have two guys like that but Tiger was good. Karen said that her boyfriend got so upset that he left. She said that it was the first time she had ever let someone do her anally. She said that he was very long and skinny with his penis. She said he didn't have any girth.
Howard asked what she did when her boyfriend left. She said that they kept going. She also claims that Tiger had medication with him and it was in someone else's name. She said she was drunk at the time so some of the details were sketchy for her. Karen said that Tiger called her boyfriend and tried to make it happen again not too long ago but it didn't work out. Karen said that Tiger knows her boyfriend so that's how they all met. She said she wouldn't do it again either because Tiger was such a freak.
Howard asked what Tiger did that was so freaky. Karen said that he would say stuff to her that was freaky. She said that he was telling her to say her name and that she wanted him to fuck her and stuff.
Robin said that this woman was jumping all over the place with the story. She didn't believe it. Howard said he liked what she was saying. That led to him playing a clip from the movie ''Story Tellers'' where a black guy was telling a woman to say ''nig*er fuck me hard...'' over and over. Karen said that's what it was like with Tiger. She said he was good in bed and they did a lot of stuff and she's not lying about this. She said she loves Howard and that's why she's telling him this. She said she's not going to come out with the story though because she doesn't want to get involved.
Howard asked how long she was with Tiger while her boyfriend was out. She said that he was with her for maybe 10 or 15 minutes. She said that she only dates black guys. Howard asked if she's hot. She said she wouldn't be able to get all of these guys if she wasn't. Karen said she looks good.
Howard asked her if she can suck a penis really good. She said ''Oh yeah!'' Karen told Howard that Tiger had a foursome with some people and she was asked to be involved with that. She didn't do anything. Karen said that her boyfriend told her about some stuff that was going on since he was involved. She said that she didn't care about her boyfriend messing around. Howard said that's cool.
Karen said that she went to prison for a DUI recently. She told Howard about how she hooked up with one of the officers there. She said it was real prison. She said that one of them was calling them now. She had to tell her daughter to leave the room while she got that guy on the phone. Howard asked if the kid was black. She said that it wasn't a kid, it was her daughter.
Benjy asked this woman why she won't say what her name is. Howard said that she's not looking to get publicity. Benjy said that she should tell them who she is because it would be fun with them.
Karen had the guy on the line who Karen said she was fucking. Howard asked him if he was fucking her and he said no. He said that she's hot. Howard said he didn't sound like a black guy. He said that he is. Howard said he must have gone to a good school then. Howard asked him to black it up for the radio show. He got a laugh out of that.
Howard said this guy has fucked this chick and he was just fucking around earlier. Howard asked him if he gives it to that chick in the ass. He said that on occasion they do that. He said he sees her periodically. Howard asked Karen if she likes this guy. She said she loves him. She's also got a boyfriend and she's also married. Howard said she's cheating on her boyfriend and husband with this guy. He said she must be a nymphomaniac. Karen asked the guy if he thinks she is. That guy said that she can never have enough. Howard wanted them to have phone sex but Karen said that she wasn't going to do that. Then she broke down and talked dirty to him. Howard said he had to get going a short time later.
Karen said she hasn't heard the whole show yet but she didn't know why Artie was out. Robin told her that she's out sick again. Howard let her go a short time later and said he doesn't know if that story was true or not since so many people are coming out of the woodwork all of a sudden.
After the break, around 10:25am, Robin said that she was down in Miami over the weekend and she had a star studded weekend. She said that she ran into Naomi Campbell and she was very sweet around her. Howard said that maybe she needs to do her laundry to see her attitude. Robin said that she was with some other people and was at a party with J-Lo and Marc Anthony in a private home. She said that she was even fenced off in the private home party. Howard said that Marc Anthony looks very angry and territorial with her. He said that he stands there with a scowl on his face the whole time. Robin said they had her roped off in this house. She said that they had people standing around the ropes while she talked and laughed. Robin said J-Lo would only speak to the people inside the ropes. She thinks that it was the owners of the house that were in there. Robin said it was a private party and it was kind of odd.
Robin said that Russell Simmons was there too. He was in and out of the ropes. Robin said that Russell was interested in one of the girls in her group and she blew the guy off. Robin said that Russell noticed her and tried a second time after getting blown off. Howard said that he knows who it must have been. Robin said that he must be used to it because he didn't seem to be phased by it at all.
Robin said they had a big tent at the house and they had her roped off in there too. Robin said she got inside the roped in area. Robin said they all got in there and spoke to the woman who threw the party. Robin said she got to say hello to her and J-Lo had disappeared by then. She said she probably just took off after being tired of being watched.
Robin said it was very odd seeing J-Lo sitting inside the ropes being watched at a private party. Howard said her friends must have used her to get inside the ropes. Robin said that her friend knows a lot of these people but he didn't know J-Lo. Howard asked if that party crasher couple was there. Robin said she didn't see them there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has 2 kids, 5 and 4, and they were on a flight to Laguardia and they waited for the pilot for over an hour and a half. They took off eventually and at the baggage claim they found out that the reason the plane took off late was because of Robin, not the pilot. Howard said he doesn't think that they're holding a plane for Robin. The caller said his wife saw that no pilot got on the plane but Robin got on late.
Robin said that the plane was delayed so she didn't get on until later. The caller asked if she was the only one who knew about the delay. Robin said she was told it was late so she went to the lounge. She said it wasn't her that held up the flight.
Robin said that Adam Lambert is in the news. She said that he's made amends with ABC after the incident he had with them. She played some audio of his new song and said that he's going to be on The View on ABC.
Robin said that Germaine Jackson is talking about why he left the Jackson 5 in the mid-70s. Howard said he didn't even know he left. Robin said everyone knew it back then. She had some audio of him talking about that and crying as he was talking about it. Howard said that whole family is fucked up.
Robin had a story about a referee who was on 60 Minutes last night talking about how he used to take bets on games. He was accepting bribes from the Gambino crime family. She had some audio of that interview that she had Howard play.
Robin had some news about Michael Vick's touchdown pass in a game over the weekend. She had some audio of him talking about that. Robin also had some other football news that she went through.
Robin read some news about the President's plan to pull troops out of Afghanistan in 2 years. She had some audio of the President of Afghanistan saying that they're not ready and they may not be ready in 2 years for them to pull out.
Robin said they've been talking about how they still don't know where Osama bin Laden is at this point. She said that they have nothing to go on at this point either.
Robin read about Chuck Schumer talking about sky rocketing ATM bank fees and asking Ben Bernake to look into that. Robin said that they've gotten out of hand lately. She said the fees come from both your bank and another bank if you go to another bank's ATM machine. Robin had some audio of Chuck talking about the fees and how they're in the dollar amounts these days.
Robin read about a baby being born on a air plane flight over the weekend. Robin said they had no trouble giving birth so the baby must have been pretty far along. Robin had some audio of a spokesperson saying that they had a doctor on board. Robin said that they were supposed to go to Utah and they had to land in Denver because of that. Howard said he would have thrown the baby out the window if that happened to him.
Robin said that they're trying to be more ''green'' these holidays so they're saying that you should use recyclable products to wrap things this holiday season. She had some audio of a woman talking about how easy it is to recycle junk mail. Howard said it's not that easy. He said he'd rather not be bothered so he just throws it in the garbage.
Robin read about Jerry O'Connell getting a part in a new comedy. She said that the original actor who was cast is out and Jerry is in.
Robin read that Monk had its series finale. She said it was one of her favorites. Robin said that it was the most watched hour long series on basic cable. She said that it drew about 9.4 million viewers. Robin said that they just ended the show after 8 years even though they were doing so well. Robin said Tony Shaloub probably made good money doing it. Howard didn't understand why he'd end the show.
Robin read about the top paid actors in Hollywood these days. Howard tried to guess who the number one guy was but he knew it wasn't Amanda Peet. Robin said it was Angelina Jolie. Robin read the details about what she was paid this year and how she's getting huge money for her next couple of projects. Howard said it would help to make a good one here and there. Robin said Julia Roberts is down to number 2 on that list. She had a few other names that she went through as well.
Robin read about the top movies at the box office this weekend before she ended her news. Howard ended the show around 10:55am.
Will said that they never really know what to send to Howard as original or not. He said the choice is subjective. He said that now they know that they're to just copy everything. Jon said that he was goofing on Will in the office about it but then Howard asked him what he would do and he screwed it up. Gary said it was confusing but now it's simpler since Howard just told them to copy everything.
Gary said he wasn't trying to skeeve Howard out with that MAD Magazine. He said the only two things they had that day were the magazine and Jeff the Drunk's card. He said that the magazine wasn't in that bad of shape like Howard made it out. He said that it wasn't that bad.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking to Gary about the mail thing. After that they talked more about what they would and wouldn't send directly to Howard. Will said it's difficult to decide on some of the stuff sometimes. Gary said he's not the one that makes the decisions. He said he just puts it in the mail and Will takes it. He said that now they know what to do but in the past it was up to Will on what to copy and not copy.
Jon asked if Will was in danger of losing his job. Gary said no to that. He said Howard was saying he should fire him if he can't do the job but that was over a Jeff the Drunk Christmas card. Will said that it's clearly important to Howard and he'd understand if he was fired over something like that. Gary said Will takes pride in what he does and everything he does is important. Will said that Gary is the producer and he's the one who is taking responsibility for all of that. Gary said he has to back Will up saying he does a good job but Howard has to see this stuff every morning since Will is doing research on all of the guests they have. Gary said Will and Howard go over that stuff every morning before the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that JD has to get out of where he's living and move to Hoboken or somewhere like that. Gary said that JD travels at the worst time of the day so it's not even that. Benjy said JD was saying that it wasn't just about being on the train, he's feeling weird about being away from home for so long. JD had mentioned that he saw some people working on some TV show and he wondered how they could be away from home for so long. Benjy said they need to get a psychiatrist on the show and have him diagnosed.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the MAD magazine thing is understandable because people read that stuff on the toilet. He said that Howard has had the conversation with Gary on the air and maybe just a year ago. He said that Gary has to know that it's wrong. Will said that was his fault.
The caller also asked why they're copying this stuff and not scanning them. Gary said they're doing what Howard wants. He wants it copied and they copy it. Gary said that Howard is aware of the system and he can change it if he wants to.
Another caller said they have to do copies and keep the original stuff. Gary said that's what they do but Howard only wants the copies.
Another caller said that he was a mail man and he delivered all kinds of weird shit. He said that people would send fish through the mail and stuff like that. He said that you never know what you're touching. He said that maybe 5 percent of that stuff is disgusting. The guy said that the letters used to be disgusting too. He said that they used to go through like 20 people's hands but now it's all machines. Benjy asked if they ever opened mail. The guy said they did peek inside of some stuff but they didn't really open the stuff unless it was opened already.
The caller said that he got like 20 women on his route over the years. He said that he's out of the postal service now. He said that they had plenty of time to do that stuff back in the day. He said he's divorced over that stuff now.
The guy said that he once had a woman tell him to come in if he dared. He said that she was inside fingering herself so he went in and dropped his pants. The guy said he used to be a pervert but he was like 2 personalities. He had two kids like Gary does and he did all of the Boy Scout stuff with them like Gary does but then he was a perv when it came to the women.
Another caller said that he thinks that Howard is struggling with a lot of stuff in his life that he can't control and maybe that's why he fixates on small things like this mail. Gary said he doesn't give that much though to it like the caller does. He said that Howard was in a minor pissy mood today and he went off on them. The caller said he thinks that it makes for great radio but the guy has a lot of complicated stuff going on in his life.
Jon said that JD is going through something and they didn't know he was going through this stuff. Will said he thinks he's a drama queen. Gary said he thought that JD was just one of those guys who went through and did his stuff without thinking about it. He didn't know he was suffering through this stuff. They talked about the incident he had on the subway and how tough that could have been on him.
Jon said he was talking to JD about going to the doctor and how he doesn't have one to go to. Gary said that at that age you don't really go to a regular guy. He said that JD does have health insurance though and he has people he can pick out of the book. Gary said he doesn't think JD even picked a guy that was in the book. Gary said he should be talking to people who live near him so he can go see them. The guys also talked about JD going to a walk in doctor and how that's not the ideal choice.
Benjy said that the signs that he's showing are early signs of agoraphobia. He said even the age it's kicking in at is right. Benjy said that he seems to be acting legitimately. Will said he's not sure why it's kicking in all of a sudden. Jon said he hopes that he's okay because he is concerned for the guy.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he wants to know why they can't help JD so he can pick up his self esteem or something. He said they should get him some transportation or something to get him off the subway. Gary said it sounds like it might not even be the subway and it might just be him being away from home.
Gary said they were talking about a car service for JD but that would cost him maybe $100 a day to get to and from work. Gary said that's not going to work since it would cost him like $16,000 a year.
Jon said that JD is very good at what he does. People think that he just watches TV but he works very hard and he's very precise at what he does according to Jon. Gary said he's put together some bits and stuff for them and he's very good.
A caller said that he had a lot of anxiety problems and there is a program that he used to help himself out. He said that he saw a infomercial for a program and it really helped him out. Gary asked him to sum it up in 2 sentences. The guy said that it changed his life. He said it's teaching yourself to think differently. He said that it's like Howe Mandel's OCD and how you think about this stuff in an obsessive way and you have to teach yourself not to think like that. They had to go to break after that.
Richard was in so he said that people have been telling him he looks old but only for the past 5 years since he got there. Richard said he's up around 210 pounds right now and he has been as low as 190.
Jon asked Richard if the damage he's doing to his body makes him want to stop drinking. Richard said he's not going to stop unless his liver is going to fall off or something. Richard said that it would have to be something much more serious than it is now.
Richard said that he drinks a lot but not as much as he used to. He said that he will continue to drink even if he has to do the whole shot in the foot thing again. He said that pain was only a minute.
The guys were asking Richard about smoking pot and why he won't do that. Richard said it's illegal so he'd feel weird about doing that on a regular basis. Richard also said he hasn't been eating good for a long time now.
Jason said that Richard is also on meds for his blood pressure and cholesterol. Richard said Jason is on medication too. He said that he'd expect him to be on that kind of stuff. Richard said he can do 200 push ups in a few minutes and Jason can't. Gary said that just because you can do that doesn't mean that you're not affecting your body with the drinking and bad food. He said that it may catch up to him at some point and cause some major problems.
Richard said that Jon eats the crappiest fast food every day. Jon said it's not every day. Richard insisted it is every day. Richard said Jon eats a lot of Wendy's stuff. Jon said he admits that but then asked Richard how long he's been on the meds. Richard said he's been on the cholesterol for about a year and the blood pressure stuff for a few months. He said he's being weaned off the Lipatore stuff now. He said he never drinks when he's taking that stuff.
Richard used to only drink during the weekends but he's broken those rules a few times. Gary said he's never broken that rule and he never drinks during the week when they're working. He said he can't because it makes him sleepy.
Jason asked Richard when he starts drinking. He said he used to drink about a 6 pack a night when he was in a band. He said he loves to drink on the weekends and he's not going to stop unless his liver fails or something like that. Richard said he had no trouble stopping this week at all. He said that he will wait and see what happens. He said that his liver is fine right now.
Richard said there are people there who drink more than he does. He said if John got a blister on his thumb from working his TV remote, and he had to stop watching TV, he would go right back after the blister healed. Jon said that he would work his way around the remote. Jason asked Jon if he would stop watching TV if he got gout from watching it. Jon said he would.
Jon asked Jason about going on Lexipro and why that happened. Jason told them about how depressed he was and how it was affecting his work. He had to do something and that helped him function better as a human being. Gary said that Jason came to him once and asked if he was behaving differently because he was on this medication. Gary said he didn't notice it but Tom Chiusano did after a meeting one day. Jason said that he didn't feel comfortable in a meeting with people and he had to do something and this stuff helped him.
Jason said he spoke to JD about the Zoloft thing and it's different for every person. He said that you have to find what works for you.
Jon said that Howard was upset with Ralph about the closet thing and Ralph didn't seem very apologetic about it. Gary said that Ralph said he never said he couldn't make it. That's why he wasn't arguing. Jason said Howard sounded very clear to him and Ralph was the one turning it into a question and making a big deal out of it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he feels that all of the venom aimed at Gary and the other guys was Howard's anger with Artie for not showing up. He said that the show is important and he doesn't get why Artie doesn't see that. He said he thinks that Howard is becoming more in touch with himself in therapy and he seems to be able to catch himself with that. Gary said that Howard's attitude toward Artie seems to be ''whatever'' these days. That's how he felt that he handled it. The guys had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show saying it was nice to have Artie back. Still no JD though. Artie asked what happened to JD. Howard said they had a long story about JD to tell. Howard said it might be from hanging around Artie too much. Artie said he's had anxiety and he's been on some meds and he was self medicating. He said that he was having insane anxiety attacks so he went to his shrink and he said he was going to have to drink if he didn't give him something. He said that the doctor gave him something that takes 4 weeks to get into his system. He said he got this Klonopin stuff. That's very addictive though.
Artie said that he's going to be on something else that takes a long time to get into him. He said that he took some of the Klonopin stuff last night and he's leveled right out.
Howard asked Artie what happened to him over the weekend. He said JD is another story. JD wasn't able to make it to Artie's show. Howard said Lisa G is in the loop somehow and JD is going to go see a doctor as soon as possible. Artie said he was feeling okay after he saw his shrink. He said he wants to go see the guy every day because it makes him feel better. Howard told him to go then.
Artie said that he's been on this stuff that takes 4 weeks to work for 3 and a half weeks. He's only going to be on this new stuff for 2 weeks at the max.
Artie said he has zero shows coming up. He said he has canceled shows and he's not going to be doing any of the stuff in Atlantic City. Artie said he was going insane doing shows and this past weekend set him off. Howard said he heard stories about him being at the show and it wasn't good. Artie said he was with his mother and uncles this weekend so that wasn't happening.
Artie said he was pacing and stuff in his dressing room. He said that he used to do that at MAD TV when he was going to be in a skit he didn't like. Artie said he had some OCD stuff going on where he had to tap his foot every 3 times he paced. He said it might not be as bad as Howie Mandel but he was getting pretty bad.
Artie said yesterday he was curled up in the fetal position and he can't stop shaking his leg. He said he took that shit and it leveled him off. He said his girlfriend had to stand on his leg to stop it from shaking. He said that was fine after that. Artie said his girlfriend got him a Christmas tree trying to cheer him up too.
Howard said this girl must really love him to stick with him through this stuff. Artie said he's a mess and he's not sure why anyone tolerates this stuff. He said that the doctor told him that he could have to go away to get real intense treatment to get him better. He said that the doctor told him that going to something like a sober house might be what he has to do.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Artie to be careful with that Klonopin stuff because it's really strong stuff. Artie said he knows that and he's going to get off of it as soon as he can.
Howard asked Artie why he can't just doesn't deny himself some stuff and just not do it. Artie said he feels like he should be able to say no to himself but he just can't. He said he feels like he needs a smack.
Howard said that he might be as whacked out as Artie is but he thinks that this has a lot to do with his relationship with his mom. He said that she creates the illusion that everything will be great as long as she can make it so. Howard said Artie has been shown that he can get what he wants and no one has ever said no to him. He said that the problem is that he feels entitled to never say no to himself or be frustrated by people or life. He said he might think that he's entitled to take the drugs and stuff.
Artie said that another thing in his head that makes him feel he's a mother fucker to himself is because of his father. Artie said he feels more entitled because he's helped his mother out financially. Howard told him he can love and hate his mother at the same time. Artie said it's hard to think of your parents as people who resent you but he feels he's become that asshole who would say ''You'd be living in a closet without me.''
Howard told Artie he thinks he does the drugs and drinks to get away from his angry feelings he doesn't want to confront. Artie said he agrees.
Howard said he doesn't know what's going on with JD but he's having problems too. The caller interrupted and said that Artie has to do good with the Roll Call thing today. Howard said they have some controversy over that but they'll get to that later.
Another caller said he takes a trough full of medication every day and mentioned some of the stuff he takes. Howard asked the guy what his problem is. The guy said he has ADD, severe depression, anxiety, the shaking leg and more. He said he needs to take all of that stuff like Artie. Howard said America is over medicated. He said that JD went to a walk in clinic and was given meds immediately. Artie wasn't aware of that.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that the last time Artie was out he was saying it was anxiety and it sounds more like opiate withdrawals. Artie said he assures him that's not the case. He said that he'd be on Subutex if he was... and he's not.
Another caller said they were stuck in the vortex of Artie already and they were 20 minutes into the show. He said he liked the show without him yesterday. The guy said that it's like Groundhog Day with this guy. Artie said that movie was funny, wasn't it?
Jon Hein came in and said that JD is going to the doctor today and he's not doing good. He said he's in really bad shape. He said he's really worried about him.
Artie said that the most depressing story was about Billy Joel's daughter for him. He said the desperation can be really insane. He said it's a real thing and he knows what that can be like. Artie said he doesn't want to be a person on pills but he's not sure he can be like Robin and just drink the green drink and eat healthy.
Howard asked Jon what else he knew about this JD thing. Jon said that things have gotten worse for JD over the past few days and even JD isn't sure why that is. He said he's always had that anxiety but he's been able to control it.
Howard said he didn't want to get out of the house today. He said he has anxiety too but he has to go to work or all of the good stuff at home goes away. He said he fears ending up like JD and having to live in that apartment he lives in. That's why he gets to work. Howard said he's afraid to be anywhere near JD's apartment and JD doesn't like leaving that place.
Howard gave Artie some more advice about getting away from his mother. He said that he has to start decorating his own apartment and not let his mother do that kind of stuff. Artie said that's what happened the last time.
Artie said that he has no stand-up gigs in 2010 and he's sticking to all local stuff. Gary said that there's a schedule on Artie's web site. Artie said that never gets updated. Howard said that's where he got the list from. Artie said it's all been canceled. He said the web site is just another story. He said he still has ''Wah'' t-shirts up there and he asked them to take them down like 2 years ago.
Howard read some mail he got about Jackie's show and people want him to cut back on the amount of shows Jackie is doing. Howard said that they want them to cut back so they can pay other people to do different shows. Howard read through a bunch of emails where people asked him to cut back the hours and not give Jackie even more.
Howard said he likes Jackie's show but he can't give him more time. Howard said that Jackie didn't want more time on the air when he left the show 8 years ago. He said that now he's asking for more but that's not going to happen.
Howard said he likes Jackie and he doesn't want to give up his friendship with the guy. He said he knows that Jackie is going to give him about 10-15 minutes of a pitch for how great his show is doing and how he needs more time. He said that just isn't going to happen though.
Howard said maybe they'll have room for Jackie at some of the other channels there at SIRIUS. Howard said they just don't have anything else for him there. Howard said that maybe Jackie can work at Out Q the gay channel.
Artie said that this show has been fun for him the past 9 years and he feels he's actually over paid. He said that at the end he's kind of losing it and he's not sure what's going on. Robin said she's told Howard there's something wrong with that chair because anyone who sits in it goes mental.
The caller on the line asked Howard about the History of Howard Stern that's coming up. He asked if it's the same team that put together the first two parts. Howard said it is the same team and they're going to be doing some interviews with him today. The caller asked how far up this part goes to. Howard said he's not sure when they ended that second part. Artie said he thinks they ended it around 1991 or so. Howard said they have good stuff coming up in this next part.
Howard said the tapes team they have there has turned out to be a great thing. He said that the wanted to set that up when they started there and it's worked out very well. He said he's looking forward to this third part to the History of Howard Stern.
Howard said he remembers speaking to people who were high up in this company about Jackie back when he was doing his negotiating. Howard said he would stick up for Jackie and say that he would work through the negotiations he used to go through. He said that at one point everything clicked and he asked himself why he was putting himself through that stuff.
Robin said she had a discussion with Howard one time and she was devastated when Howard said he wanted to keep working with Jackie. She said she told Howard that it was ridiculous that he wanted to keep going with that. Howard said he thinks that he can fix people and that's what he wanted to do with Jackie. He said he had to grow up and realize that some things just don't work.
Fred said he's had run ins with Jackie too. He said that Jackie got upset with him when he blew him off for lunch one time and it was because he had something personal going on in his life and he didn't want to deal with it. Jackie came in and goofed on him after that and it just wasn't right.
Howard said that Tim Sabean is the guy in charge of the programming there and he's doing a great job. He said he's said he only has so much for Jackie and that's what he's going with. Howard said Jackie then calls him and asks for a meeting but what Tim says goes. He said he's going to meet with Jackie because he's a friend. He said the guy is very talented and a very nice guy but they can't deal on business stuff.
Artie said that Howard appreciates making a living so much that he hates to deny anyone else. Howard said that's true too. He said there are some people who he hates in the radio business and he could have them fired at any point but he would never do that because he doesn't want that karma. Howard said he believes that everyone is entitled to make a living and he's not going to do that.
The caller said he wanted to hear about the Jackie lunch tomorrow. Howard said that lunch isn't happening until vacation so he won't be hearing about it until next year. Howard let the guy go and did some of his Jackie impression.
Fred asked Howard why a real friend would impose on him for the radio show. Howard said he's just assuming that Jackie wants to talk about that stuff but it's possible that he won't even bring it up. Fred said he could be wrong then and maybe it will be good. Howard said maybe Jackie just wants to get together and talk about their lives. Fred didn't seem to think that was going to be the way it was going to work.
Howard said that he had some audio of the Bacca Boys doing the morning Roll Call thing. He played that and said that there's no way they could have done it that good. Howard played another clip of them doing their Roll Call thing and doing a Celebrity Roll Call. Howard had suggested they do a Celebrity Roll Call yesterday but the Bacca Boys did it already.
Howard said he doesn't know anything about it. He said they're good at what they did though. Howard said they will be doing a Celebrity Roll Call there tomorrow. They have 50 Cent coming in so they'll have him do it. Snoop Dogg is coming in soon to so they'll ask him to do it. Howard said the Kardashian sisters are coming in too so they may have them do it.
Howard said that Keenan Thompson is coming in today and he might be able to do the Roll Call thing too. He said he's not sure, he might be over it.
Robin said that there have been train accidents where people were texting while working and that's another thing that could end up causing lawsuits. Artie said he hates frivolous lawsuits but that sounds believable to him.
Howard said he played a clip of a woman yelling on a subway yesterday. He said that he used to take the subway and it can be the scariest thing when someone starts doing something like that. You're trapped in the car when that happens. He said he was always a big proponent of the Guardian Angels when they were around. He said they still have them but they may not be as big as they used to be. Robin said that if they're as old as Curtis Sliwa then they're in trouble. Howard said Curtis can still handle himself. He said he might be getting older but he can still handle it.
Howard said he played that tape yesterday and he wanted to refresh everyone's memory about it. He replayed the clip and said this is anyone's worst nightmare. The clip he played wasn't the one he played yesterday. Gary said that he wasn't sure where that one went. Howard said it must be gone. He eventually found it and played it. This clip is where a woman is yelling about her mother being a bitch and how she's going to kill her.
Howard said you don't know what to do when you have someone like that in your subway car. Robin said she sounds like a female Sam Kinison. Howard said when someone threatens to kill their mother you think that they're going to get arrested.
Howard said he got a link to another woman on a bus in Atlanta who was doing something similar. Howard said that the visual was this woman getting up and screaming and she looks like Rosa Parks. He said that she gets up and starts yelling at this old black woman and the guys just sit and watch. Howard said that you don't know what to do when you see that, especially when it's a woman. Howard said that you can't fight back with a woman. Artie said if she throws the first punch you should be able to defend yourself.
Howard said this old black lady probably told the woman to calm down but the woman just keeps yelling at her. Howard played the clip and you hear this woman just ranting and raving and even singing as she's going off on this old woman. Howard said she's in this lady's face yelling all of this stuff. Howard said he feels so bad for the old lady. Howard said she's talking but they have to give you subtitles on the video.
Howard said this stuff reminds him of going to school in Roosevelt, Long Island. He said that he was like that kid Waldo in the Van Halen ''Hot for Teacher'' video when he'd go to school.
Howard played more of the tape and this guy tells this woman to calm down and she starts to go off on him. Howard said that guy ends up pulling her hair and pulls her wig off. She then threatens to sue that guy. The whole group of people starts going nuts when her hair is pulled out. The screaming woman has to go find all of her missing hair after that. She says that she's going to press charges and she repeats that about 10 times.
Howard said that Gary had food in his mouth and he was trying to read at the same time. Howard said that everyone can tell when he has food in his mouth. Gary gave Howard and Robin some ''fuck yous'' and told Artie ''Good morning.'' Howard did an impression of Gary talking with food in his mouth as Fred was playing some Baba Booey song parodies.
Howard said that he didn't understand a word Gary said. He went on to read the news report that Gary was reading and they say that someone was taken from Tiger's house at 2 in the morning and they were taken out on life support on a stretcher. Howard said they took her to a hospital and a black SUV showed up at the hospital a few minutes later. They're also saying that when Tiger went to the hospital he was taken in under the name William Smith and he may have been on some kind of pills and they had to give him a breathing tube.
Howard said it appears that Tiger didn't have so much discression about what women he was sleeping with. He said that's understandable though because it's all about the sex. He said that a woman doesn't have to be good looking to keep a man. They just have to be good in bed. Howard said he knows that Robin knows how to make a man happy based on what he read in her book.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Chuck Zito's show is awesome. He said that they're missing the boat not giving him more time on the air. Howard said he probably has clips to play unless JD was too messed up to pull anything. Howard had to go to break after that.
Janine aid that wasn't quite true. She said that when she had Sunny Jesse had nothing to do with her for 3 years. Janine said that she wanted Jesse to be part of the parenting but they didn't come around for a few years. Janine said that they all seemed to be on the same page. She said that she doesn't have a problem with Sandra and Jesse being involved in her daughters life. She said that she went off to jail for tax evasion and she said that it wasn't a willful thing that she did. She said that she didn't understand that she didn't have time to pay it off and that's why she ended up getting into trouble.
Janine said she was put in a halfway house after she did some time in prison and she met a guy. Janine said that guy spent time in prison for having guns. He was in there for 5 years. She said she met him in the halfway house. Howard said that Janine married that guy. Janine said that she had to explain why she did that. She said that when she got to the halfway house they have a co-ed setting there and there are guys there who were in prison for 25 years. She said that when guys see her in there after seeing her in magazines and porn movies, it's a little crazy for them. Janine said it was kind of overwhelming for her at that point. She said that Jeremy came home that day and made a beeline for her and they've been together ever since. Janine said that he protected her and guys started leaving her alone.
Howard said it sounds a little crazy being in a halfway house. He asked if the other girls in there looked like her. Janine said that some of them were very good looking. Howard said some of the guys in there might need the address for that place. Janine said that they're only allowed to talk to other people in the house.
Howard said Janine met this guy and she married him within 25 days. Howard said the guy is a felon and Janine was charged with a misdemeanor. Howard said that because of that, she may end up going back to jail. She's not supposed to be hanging around with felons.
Howard asked Janine why she would take a risk like that if she's trying to get her daughter back. Janine said that she wishes she had an intelligent answer but she doesn't. She said that there's a lot of confusion going on when this is all happening. Howard said that for her case she should be thinking about this kind of stuff.
Robin asked Janine if she would give her daughter to her if she was hearing this story. Janine said she knows it's crazy but she's a good mother. Robin said that's not what the case is about though. Robin and Howard said that maybe she should have waited to do all of this stuff. Janine said she knows that and she agreed with them but she fell in love with this guy and she can't help that.
Howard said that Sandra Bullock has had a great year with her movies and stuff so that's going to make her look even better. Janine said that things are kind of chaotic for her right now. She said that she was awarded Christmas day and eve with her daughter so she'll be good to go with that. She said that she's going to be going back in front of the judge in February and they're going to work things out. She said that they're working through this rough spot and she knows she jumped the gun on all of this. Janine said that she sees how it created some friction with the new husband.
Robin told Janine she has no idea who this guy is after knowing him for just 25 days. Janine said that they did have a lot of time to talk in the halfway house. Robin said that's not in the real world though. Howard said it is going to be tough. Janine said that you can't expect to put men and women together and expect nothing to happen. Howard said she's going to have to fight Sandra with the custody thing. Janine said that Sandra is actually staying out of the custody case. She said that it's all about Jesse.
Janine said that this is the eye of the storm and things will get back to normal eventually. She wants to move closer to Jesse so she can see her daughter.
Howard asked if she got it on with any women in jail. She said she didn't want to risk it. She said if she were to get caught she might get more jail time. Robin said that she was able to control herself there but not in the halfway house.
Howard said there were rumors that Janine was with a hot red head in there. Janine said that the woman did tell her she wanted to be in a threesome with her. Janine said that she asked to take her into the chapel there at the prison to do the threesome. Janine said that didn't happen.
Howard said Janine's ex-husband seems like a really nice guy. Janine said that she knows that side but she's gotten on his bad side and that's a much different story. She said that she's not going to lose custody to him and she thinks that all of this is getting blown out of proportion. She said that the allegations are that she's prostitute and she's walking around with needles in her arms. She said that's just not the case. She said that the allegations are absurd and heresy. She said that Sandra has never even met her.
Howard asked Janine who is hotter, her or Sandra. Janine said she's not sure about that. Howard asked if the judge is going to ask them to wear bikinis to court. Janine said you never know.
Howard asked what this StreamMate.com web site is. Janine said she's actually on it right now. Howard saw her on the monitor and said that she's looking very different. Janine said that she's live and she does shows and flashes some stuff and shows some booty. Howard asked her to show him something. She showed her boobs. Robin said that's the one thing she didn't tattoo. Howard said she looks like she's dressed even when her clothes are off.
Howard asked Janine where she was at. She said she wasn't in the halfway house because she got kicked out of there. She said she's actually renting a home in Hollywood. She said that she'll be there until next week until the judge lets her know what's going on. She said that she's trying to earn a little cash to pay her way.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's been in halfway houses before and he knows that you're in there with con men and stuff. He said he thinks that she's been conned by this guy she's married. Howard said that it would have been better if she had waited to marry him until after the custody case.
Janine said she knows it sounds crazy but she wishes that they had been there to see it evolve. Janine said that it will reveal itself. The caller went off on Janine about what she did and how she doesn't have the actions that the judge is going to be looking for. He said she has no chance in hell of getting custody of her kid.
Janine said that she fell in love with the guy in the halfway house and she couldn't do anything about that. The caller said she could have waited though. Howard said that's true.
Another caller said that it's about playing by the rules and she's just not doing that. Howard said that she has to show that she can take control of her life. Howard said that this is what she's going to be up against. Janine said she knows that. She said she wasn't thinking straight when she fell in love. She said that you can feel lonely and lost in the halfway house but she'll explain all of that to the judge.
Janine told Howard that she isn't supposed to have any contact with her husband right now. She has to wait for the green light to go see him. She said that she's not supposed to be doing any interviews either. She said that's kind of a grey area with her right now.
A caller asked about the custody battle and what's going on with that. Howard explained to him what was going on with that and how Janine wants custody of her daughter that her ex-husband is trying to get full custody of. Howard took another call from a guy who said that this is boring to the listeners. He said that they've had a long enough conversation with her.
Howard wrapped up with Janine a short time later. He said that Janine is a beautiful woman who is streaming live on StreamMate.com. He said she's involved in this case with her ex-husband and Sandra Bullock. Howard said that maybe things will work out with them. Janine said she thinks that in the long run it will be okay.
Janine got in some more plugs and said she'll be hanging out at home for a while. She said that she'll be doing her thing at JanineLive.CamModels.com.
Howard asked Janine what kind of stuff she'll do on cam. She said that she'll stick a finger up her ass and things like that. She'll talk dirty to guys too. Howard said he wanted to see her stick her finger in her ass now. She went right ahead and did that for him so he could see it live on cam. The finger went right in. Janine said it was a little bit dry but it did go right in.
Howard said he would go with Janine if he were the judge. He said she seems like a lot of fun. Howard gave her some advice and told her to wash her hands. Howard said that Janine is a great girl and he wishes her the best. He said he hopes that they work things out because they both seem like good people. He let her go a short time later. Artie asked her to shove her fist in her ass as she was hanging up but it was too late. They had to take a break after that.
(Throughout most of this write up I refer to Kim and Khloe as ''the girls'' because their voices sounded the same and Howard never referred to them by name so I had no clue who was talking.) Howard came back and said that they have Kim and Khloe Kardashian coming in. Howard said that he love the song Fred was playing. The girls came in and said they love Howard singing along to it. Howard asked the girls what it's like to get on the air and become a reality show start. He also asked what they thought about the couple that got into the White House. The girls talked about how great they've had it with their reality show on E!. They said that there are 10 of them in their family and their mom met up with Ryan Seacrest who came up with the show idea.
Howard asked Kim about her sex tape and she was saying that no one is happy when something like that comes out. Howard also asked about their late father Robert Kardashian who was involved with the OJ Simpson case. They actually knew the Simpsons before the OJ case.
The girls talked about how they used to have the meetings with OJ at their house so they were involved in it all. They said that their father really believed in OJ while the case was going on. They said that they heard stories about him all the time and they didn't know what to believe. Howard said it must have been tough because they were caught in the middle of it all.
The girls said that they were all shocked at the outcome of the case. They were saying that they think that OJ and their dad had a falling out after the case was over because they never really saw OJ again.
Howard asked if their mom left their dad or did their dad leave their mom. They said they think that their mom left their dad. Howard said they must have felt bad for their dad. Then their mother ran off with Bruce Jenner just 5 months after they broke up.
Howard said that the girls have talked about Bruce Jenner's plastic surgery before and it's pretty startling. Howard said that he was one of the best looking guys in the world and he really went nuts with that. The girls were talking about his nose being done and how he was talked into doing it. The girls said that the guy talked him into doing some other stuff and that's why he kept going with it.
The girls said they've known Bruce since they were very young and they love him. The girls said that they have respect for Bruce and he's really a great guy. They said that he's never tired to force himself on them as their dad or anything like that.
Howard said Bruce does have a good way of staying out of things on the show. The girls said Bruce isn't jealous of their love of their dad or anything like that.
Howard talked to the girls about the kind of guys they dated and the schools they went to. Howard found out that one of the girls dated some black guys. One of the girls has had both.
Howard said Kim seems sexual to him but she doesn't like to talk about that kind of stuff. Howard said that Kim's boobs are huge too. Kim said that they're a D-cup. She said that she would pray for them not to be so big. She said that her sister used to make fun of her for having the biggest boobs and biggest nipples. She said that the nipples aren't even that big.
Howard asked the girls about Paris Hilton and if she's happy with their success. He said that Paris is jealous of them. Howard said that she must be upset that they got so famous with their show. Kim said that she heard that Paris went on a radio show and said her ass looks like it had cottage cheese in it so she had to confront her over that.
Howard asked the girls what kind of money they charge to show up to a party. They told Howard that heir rate would be about $40,000. Howard asked if Paris gets that kind of money. They said that some people can get upwards of $100,000. Howard said that he's heard Paris makes really good money to just show up at clubs and bring her friends. Howard said that it sounds like a great deal to get 40 grand for showing up to a party.
The girls said that they will show up and just hang out. One of the girls doesn't dance, she just gets up and shows her ass.
Howard said it seems that Kim gets more attention than Khloe does and Khloe gets upset about that. Robin said the funniest episode was when one of the girls made a deal to make a fragrance and the other sister got upset about it.
Howard asked Khloe about her husband, Lamar Odom, who plays for the Lakers. Howard said that the guy is a black guy and he's like 6'9'' tall. Howard said he must have a huge penis. Khloe said that his penis is amazing. She said she can handle it too. Howard asked how big it was and spread his hands out and told her to show how big it was. She said that the size Howard was showing was the size of a horse.
Howard asked Khloe how she met this guy. She told Howard she was at a party and she met him there. Howard asked if she slept with him that night. She said she waited and got married 30 days from the day they met. She said that she met this guy and you know that you're going to fuck them. She said that she had a chemistry with him.
Howard asked Khloe how old she is. She's 25. Robin said there were rumors that it wasn't a real wedding. She said that wasn't true. She said there were a lot of rumors about it and they weren't true.
Howard asked when she saw his penis for the first time. She said it was about day 4. Howard asked about seeing his schlong and if she gasped. She said that she didn't gasp. She said that she's used to black guy penis.
Howard asked if she has met his family. She said she has. Howard asked if the family is okay with the whole thing. She said that his family wasn't too happy with it so they have had to cut them off.
Howard read about what Khloe is supposed to get based on their pre-nup. Howard read some of that stuff and Khloe said that it was all fake.
The girls said that they don't need anyone else's money. They're very well off and they own their own businesses so they're doing just fine. Khloe said that they're not stupid and they're both bringing money to the marriage.
Howard said that Kim is banging Reggie Bush from what he read. She confirmed that but didn't want to talk about his penis size. She said she doesn't talk about that kind of stuff.
Howard asked Kim if she's going to marry this guy. She said she likes to take her time with that kind of stuff. She was married at 19 for a few years so she's going to take her time from now on. Howard said that Eminem bad mouthed Kim on his latest album. Howard read the lyrics from one of his songs and he said that she's a man. Kim said that he talks shit about everyone so she wasn't upset about it.
Howard read about some of the guys that the girls have dated over the years. They've dated a few famous guys so he went through all of that with them.
Howard said that ''Keeping up with the Kardashians'' season premiere is this Sunday night on E!. He gave them some plugs for that and asked about a DUI that one of the girls had. Khloe told Howard about how she was much more wasted than she thought she was. She said she was a .09 and she ran a red light. She said she went to jail for that. She was in jail for 19 hours and she was the only woman in there who was in for DUI. The rest of the women were in there for prostitution.
Howard asked Khloe if she does drugs or anything. Both of them said that they've never gotten into drugs but they do drink. Khloe said she's seen such negative effects from the drug thing that she just never wanted to do it.
Artie said that they're dating some of the most amazing sports guys out there now so that's pretty impressive. Howard gave the girls some more plugs for their TV show and some diet products they have out. They're available in GNC stores around the country. The girls talked about losing some weight on this stuff. They said it works really well at helping you lose weight.
Howard was embarrassing Kim by asking her about how many times she makes doody. She wasn't liking that line of questioning. Khloe said that Kim leaves a horrible stench when she's done so she must be making some big ones. Kin said that she's making all of that up, they don't even live together.
Kim said that Khloe used to love one guy so much that she would sit on her boyfriend's lap while he went to the bathroom. Khloe said that's not true. Howard talked about how he has never seen his wife go to the bathroom. He said that's the way it should be.
Howard asked the girls if they would ever double team a guy. They said they would never do that. Howard took a call from Ralph who said that Khloe was on the last season of Celebrity Apprentice and had to get kicked off because she had to do community service. Khloe said they knew about that before she got on the show and she wasn't given a chance on the show. She said she got kicked off probably because she was boring.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he'd pay Howard to show up to a party for 50 grand but not these girls. The girls said that they're just going to parties that they're asked to go to.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that they need to get the girls on the Sybian. Howard asked if they ever masturbate with a vibrator. Kim didn't answer. Khloe said of course she does. Kim wasn't talking. Howard asked Khloe what Kim uses. Kim wasn't comfortable with the whole thing. Khloe said she likes to fuck with Kim because she gets so uncomfortable. Kim said she doesn't ever talk about stuff like this.
Howard asked Khloe if she would date a guy who was as light as President Obama. Khloe said he's very handsome. Kim said that Khloe would never date someone that light. She said that he'd have to be darker. Khloe said she loves Denzel Washington and he's perfect.
Howard asked Kim if she thinks about black men when she's masturbating. She said she doesn't. Howard asked if they ever bought black porn. Khloe said she's never bought porn. Howard said maybe Kim did. He gave them some more plugs and said he likes these girls. They wanted to corn row his hair for him. Artie said he would do black face to date one of these broads. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Keenan Thompson from Saturday Night Live come in. Howard said he used to see him on Felicity and Robin remembered him from Nickelodeon.
Howard said Keenan is one funny dude. Howard said he was running late from having the Kardashians on the show. Keenan seemed to be okay with that since they were so into black guys. Howard said it's a good time for black guys right now with Obama and the Kardashians being into black guys.
Howard said he heard that they had to cancel a Tiger Woods sketch they did over the weekend. Keenan said they did the sketch so he's not sure about it being canceled. There were some women's groups who were upset about it though. Gary said that they were upset because Rihanna was on the show.
Keenan said he got into trouble for joking about the Chris Brown and Rihanna thing one other time. Howard said he heard about that and he was saying that they would have Chris Brown on SNL because they're about getting ratings. Keenan said that Chris is back on MTV now so he's not sure that there's any kind of ban going on now.
Howard asked Keenan if he ever got hit by Chris Brown when he met him. Keenan said that he is a tall guy abut he didn't try to hit him or anything.
Howard said that Keenan seems to look heavier on TV than he does in person. Keenan said that he's lost a few pounds lately. He said he wouldn't have been able to pull off playing Tiger if he wasn't as thin as he is now. Howard said he heard he lost out on playing Obama on the show because he was too big. He said that was probably the case.
Howard said he heard that one of the SNL cast members lost her job because she gained like 30 pounds. Keenan said that he's not sure it was because of the weight but things didn't work out for her so she's gone now.
Howard asked Keenan about how he got the job on SNL if he doesn't do stand up comedy. Keenan said he just did a bunch of impressions and stuff for his audition. He said that he didn't know what to do at the time but he threw it together and got it.
Howard asked how Keenan got the attention of Lorne Michaels. He said that he sent him a bunch of tapes and stuff and his kids saw him on Nickelodeon. He said he did some jobs in between being on Nickelodeon like that Felicity show.
Keenan said that he's 31 now and he's been acting since he was like 15. He said that's how old he was on Nickelodeon. He said he had a show called the Keenan and Kel show and another one on there. Keenan said that he went to school in the hood and no one cared that he was on TV as a kid. He said he was stalked by one guy at school who wanted to beat him up.
Howard asked if he got laid a lot. Keenan said he didn't lose his virginity until he was 17. Howard asked if he has a girlfriend now. Keenan said that he does. He talked about her a little bit and said she's white. He said that he hasn't met the Italian side of her family yet and that's what he's afraid of.
Howard asked Keenan how his audition went for SNL. He explained to Howard how he had to go up on stage at a comedy club to do that. He said that it was in front of Lorne Michaels and Tina Fey among other people. He said he did 5 minutes of people like Schwarzenegger, Al Sharpton, Bill Cosby and more. He said that he was terrified doing that.
Howard said he heard that Keenan played Fat Albert in the Fat Albert movie. Keenan said that Cosby told him some stuff before he did that movie and what people don't know is that the guy is a pervert. He said that he was doing the movie and it was just him and Bill Cosby. Bill didn't like the script so he wanted to go rewrite it. He said they sat in his bedroom with a writer and talked about everything except the script. He said that Bill told him that he was going to have to get 2 dicks because he would have women all over him after the movie came out. Keenan said that was coming from Dr. Huxtable.
Howard asked Keenan if he has made friends with any of the old SNL people. Keenan said that he goes back and studies some of the past shows. He said that they have to come up with new ideas and they want to make sure they're not repeating any of the old stuff. Howard asked if he writes stuff for himself. He said that's what you have to do to get on the air. He said that he has a lot of premise ideas but he needs help writing the bits.
Howard asked if any of the cast members feel they have to come and welcome him to the show. He said that Dan Aykroyd comes around a lot and he's really cool. He said he talked to Dennis Miller the other day and he's very cool too. Howard asked if David Spade ever talks to him. He said he ran into him one night and that guy gets a lot of poon. Howard said he was on the phone with him this weekend and he had to run to get some pussy.
Robin asked Keenan if he's met Eddie Murphy. Keenan said he hasn't but he's heard some run in stories with him before and he doesn't want to ruin his childhood by having a meeting go wrong. Howard said that Eddie is tough to interview but he's been very nice to him when he's met him.
Howard asked Keenan if he gets upset when they have a guest who doesn't put effort into their sketches. Keenan said that there are some people they have to do that for and it is kind of a bummer. He said that there are some people who aren't into it so it is kind of tough. He said that Paris Hilton might be someone like that.
Howard asked if Keenan has to read a lot of newspapers for the job. Keenan said that they really do. Howard asked if he has time for his girlfriend. He said he doesn't get a lot of sleep with the girlfriend but he likes the work. He said he loves the gig and he may never see anything like it again. He said he hopes to be able to do a couple more years there. He's been on there for 7 years already. Howard had no idea it had been that long. He said he just recently became aware of Keenan on the show. He said that he kept stopping and watching his stuff because it was good.
Howard said he read that Keenan is dating a girl from MTV who does the news over there. Keenan said that he met her at a club there in New York City and they kind of fell in love pretty quick. Howard started to wrap up with Keenan and Artie wished him luck meeting the girlfriend's Italian father.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Keenan has been working since he was 15 and he seems to be doing very well for a 31 year old. Keenan said that he did his first play when he was like 5 years old. He said his mother enrolled him into some stuff he wanted to do and he never resented it.
The caller asked if any of the women who have hosted have given him a stiffie. Keenan said that he was attracted to Megan Fox. The caller said that Taylor Swift was good on the show. Keenan said she was good and she's a pretty girl too.
Another caller asked if it was true that Keenan ate his co-star Kel from his Nickelodeon show. Keenan thanked the guy for making him feel better about himself this morning.
A woman called in and said that she and her family were singing one of the songs that he does on SNL called ''What up with That.'' She said that he's great on the show. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that JD was going to give them an update. He was in the studio and said that overnight he got no sleep and he was tossing and turning and had stomach issues. He said he took a number 2 but still felt nauseous. He said he went to get some Pepto bismol and still feels something is going on. He said he's not sure if it's because he's going to the doctor or what. He said he's still taking half a Zoloft. That's what the doctor gave him from the clinic he went to. He said he figured he'd try it out.
Howard wondered why everyone there is so messed up. JD said he's not sure why. Howard said that JD was the last one he expected to snap. JD said he knows that. He said he's not having a mental breakdown, he's just not able to sleep and stuff. Fred played David Bowie's ''Under Pressure'' in the background as they were talking about that.
Howard asked JD why he has to worry about not sleeping. He said he could just think about how he can sleep the next day or the day after that.
Howard said that he's not sure where his mom and dad are but he seems to have been raised by wolves. Howard told JD he has no reason to be nervous. He said he's now nervous about getting to sleep. Howard told him to just close his eyes and lay there when he goes to bed. JD said that's what he does. Howard told him he wasn't finished. He said that even if you just lay there and rest, you're getting some rest. He said you will walk around exhausted all day but then you might go home and not sleep again. He said that he has to just lay there and rest. Then go to work again. He said that maybe day 3 will come around and he'll go to bed and maybe he'll sleep. He said he should sleep like a log by then. He said if he doesn't fall asleep, who gives a fuck.
Robin said she was an insomniac for a while and she still made it to work. She said she never did fall asleep like Howard just told JD.
Howard said that he goes to a psychiatrist 3 times a week. He said that's probably what JD has to do. Artie said he might start going every day. He's being honest about that. Artie said he'd even help JD out if he doesn't have the money.
Howard said that people like to be led and he has the answers that JD is looking for. JD said he tried to lay and rest so he got worried about that. Howard told him to just lay there with his eyes closed and rest. He said that's all he has to do.
Howard asked JD what he's going to do if he's not falling asleep tonight. JD didn't know what to do. Howard told him to try jerking off. JD said he hadn't tried that yet. Howard said that's what he needs to do. He said that JD is a young man so he has to jerk off to get that stuff out of his system. Howard told him to do it over in Fred's area right now. JD said he had to get going.
Howard told JD he has his support but only to a point. He said that he has to go to the doctor and find out what kind of meds to go on. He said if he can't fall asleep he still has to come to work. Work is everything and that's the most important thing to do.
Howard said that JD eats that shit McDonald's stuff every day and he has to stop with that too. He said he's trying to help him straighten out. He said that he might have a medical problem. Howard said that maybe they'll put him on some medication and get him fixed. Howard said he'd be afraid to be in his house if he were JD. Howard said he can't believe that he likes being in that house. Howard said he works to make sure he doesn't end up in a place like that.
Howard told JD he loves him. He said he wants him at work tomorrow and he wants to work on new hours. He said that he wants to figure out a comfortable schedule for him. He gave him some more advice on wheat he wants him to do tonight if he can't fall asleep. He said he should just lay there and rest and think about whatever comes to mind.
JD said he had to get going. He was running late for his appointment. Howard told him that he'd leave work right now to go with him if he wanted. JD said he didn't have to do that and he had more important things to do there.
JD left and Howard said he's really worried about him. He said he looked like a mess today. Howard said that's part of his look all the time but today he's looking like a real mess. Howard said JD is going to go get some help right now from the doctor.
Howard said that they have to move on to the news next. He said that he thought Fred was the most mental there but he's obviously not. Fred said he had a very unstable upbringing but he found stability from that.
Steve said that Lisa G also confirmed that they did get their Roll Call thing from the Bacca Boys. They say that Dr. Dre and Ed Lover also confirm that they got it from them. Howard asked if anyone wanted to do the Roll Call thing today. No one did. They said they might do it tomorrow morning at 7:20.
Steve said that Captain Janks is going to be stating his case over with a public defender since he no longer has an attorney.
Steve also said that they checked with the French restaurant that Robin went to where they had no vegetables to eat. They haven't gotten a call back from them and it appears Robin was correct. Howard asked Steve how he makes calls like that. He can't imagine what that must be like.
Steve mentioned that Jackie's show is on tonight and that led to the guys goofing on the way Jackie names his show and how it always has something to do with ''cunt.'' They did their impressions of Jackie for a short time.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview and ran down the list of stuff they were going to discuss today. They ended up discussing JD's problems for a short time. Howard said he has had the problems JD has had and he knows what it can be like. He said he will fall asleep eventually and he's too anxious about falling asleep right now.
Howard took a call from a therapist who said that he was wrong and he wasn't giving JD good advice. She said that he may have PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) from his train ride incident. Howard said that no one had more trauma in their life than him. He said he just goes on with his day. The caller said that she thinks that Howard is different and not everyone can deal with stuff like he does. She said that JD has anxiety and it's taking over his life right now. Howard said they'll have to wait to see what the doctor says.
The caller asked if he's going to a professional. Howard said he thinks that he's going to a walk in clinic in India.
Howard said the dog has opinions on things like liking being out on Long Island better than in the city. He said the dog also likes him. He said that he dog is against the troops being in Afghanistan. Howard said that she also likes the dark haired guy from the Twilight movies. Howard said he's not going to be influenced by the dog psychic. Howard said the psychic said the dog doesn't like that the bottom step doesn't have carpet on it. Howard said he's not going to change that based on what the psychic said.
Howard said he thinks this was just a one shot deal and Beth won't be seeing the dog psychic again. Howard said Beth told him not to talk about this on the air but he warned her that there was no way he couldn't. He said she knows it's kind of goofy too.
Howard said he told the dog to bark once if she really didn't like the carpet thing. He said the dog didn't make a sound.
Ralph called in and told Howard he has to put a stop to this. He said this is out of hand. Ralph was laughing and said he should cut off the phone service in the house.
Another caller said that he did a pet psychic thing and he thought it worked. Howard said the guy is nuts. The caller said that he had a dog for 12 years and the one dog was sick. He said the psychic asked the dog what it wanted to say and the psychic found out a name that they didn't know. The guy also said that the psychic asked his other dog what it wanted to say about itself and knew that it was a show dog and cost a lot of money.
Howard said that their psychic told them that Bianca put the wiggle in her walk to get out of doing shows. Howard said that's just funny.
Howard had his dog on the phone. It was the guys in the back playing barking sounds. Howard had the dog barking answers for him for a short time. The dog wants Beth to stop calling the psychic.
Howard said he got an invite to what he thought was Robert Schimmel's daughter's wedding. It turns out it was just something showing where she was registered. Howard said it was a whole formal thing too. He said that was kind of odd.
Robin said that they're talking about covering football games in 3D. Howard said that would be too much. Robin said that they're going to be trying it out with some games. They're going to be showing some of the Dallas Cowboys' game in 3D this weekend.
Robin read some news about Derek Jeter and how he gets some food from this place Dinos. Derek called in his own order one day and this woman begged the delivery man to take her with him to his apartment. She showed up to the apartment and told her she can't do anything. When they got there she ran up to the doorman and he refused to let her through. The doorman took the food to Jeter on his own and she never got to see him. Howard said if he were Jeter he'd be pissed that the doorman didn't let her up. The guys tried to figure out who would have reported that story. They were thinking that the doorman may have done that.
Robin read that Hulk Hogan is engaged to his girlfriend of 2 years. Howard wondered what the rush was. He said that he just got the divorce recently. Artie said he met that chick and she's beautiful. He agrees that he should wait though.
Robin read that it's the last week for Diane Sawyer being on Good Morning America. Howard said he hasn't seen her at all on that show. He said he won't miss her at all. Howard wondered if that show's ratings were affected by Jay Leno's show. Jon said that they still win in the morning but they're not winning by as much as they used to. He said that the Leno Show might be affecting it.
Robin read some news about Tiger Woods and how there are even more women coming out of the woodwork saying that they slept with him. She said that they're also saying that he may have been admitted to the hospital after an overdose the day he crashed his truck into a tree. She had some more details about that and how he may have been under the influence of something when he crashed his truck.
Robin said that there's also a story about a woman being wheeled out of Tiger's house on a stretcher this morning. Robin said that wasn't the wife because the wife has moved out. Howard said they have pictures of that in the paper but you can't tell who it is.
Robin read that Sarah Palin's popularity is growing. Howard asked how that could possibly be. Robin said that she's got a 46 percent approval rating now. She only had a 39 percent rating over the summer when she resigned as Governor of Alaska. She's out promoting a book now so that might be helping.
Robin read about a guy who tried to hit Palin with a couple of tomatoes. The guy hit a cop in the face with one instead and he was arrested for disorderly conduct and assault.
Robin asked Howard when he had sex talks with his daughters. Howard said he never really has. He said they had that with their mother. He said they were all different. Howard said they don't just sit down and talk things out. They'd just come up and they'd discuss them. Howard said at some ages you don't know what to tell them. He said that he told the kids at 13 that babies come from broken condoms.
Robin read that many kids don't get the talk until after they're sexually active. Howard said his ex-wife was good with that kind of stuff. Howard said you don't know and it's all very confusing when to tell the kids about that stuff. He said they never talked about masturbation either. He said that would never happen and it's bordering on inappropriate. He said that's only for the air. Howard said that his kids were more worried that they'd inherit his nose, not about sex. He said so far they've been very lucky and didn't get that nose.
Robin read more about the sex discussion news and gave some of the suggestions they have for people. Howard said that his parents never told him anything. Gary came in and said that when Jackson was in 5th grad they showed a film to the kids and they suggest talking to the kids. He said he tried but the kid clammed up. Gary said that they gave him a comic book and he never looked at it. He said the pediatrician told him that the kid will talk to him when he wants to talk about it. Gary said that they watch TV shows that have a ton of sexual references in them and it's embarrassing to watch with the kids. He said that he'll just let it pass and pretend it didn't happen when they have sex scenes on shows they're watching.
Gary said that they were watching a movie in The Godfather where a woman takes her top off. He said he stayed silent and didn't talk about it with the kids. Howard said he knows what he means. His father never talked about that kind of stuff.
Gary said his mother thought he was having sex when he was in school and they tried to have the sex talk. He said his father asked if he knew everything. Gary said he did and his father just dropped it.
Artie said his father came home from work one day when he was like 13 and asked about the masturbation thing. He said he must have known. He said his father told him he had to start doing that stuff with a girl eventually and told him to come to him if he ever had any questions. Artie said he was eating at the time and may have had a mouth full of salad while he was telling him this stuff.
Robin read that there's going to be a new Dracula movie. She read the details of that to Howard and said they're going to have Brad Pitt as a producer. Howard said he'd like to see that. He said it sounded like a good idea. Howard talked about how great Brad Pitt was in ''Interview with the Vampire.'' He also did a Dracula impression for a short time.
Robin read that some people getting brain scans may have had a massive overdose of radiation in a CT scan. She said that people are at a greater risk of cancer now because of that. The FDA reported this and said that they may have had a couple hundred cases of over exposure. Howard said he doesn't like that and he may ask about skipping the chest x-rays he gets yearly. Robin said he'll start coughing the first time he skips it.
Robin read that a study was done that found that rats in a social environment have less chance of getting cancer. They say that loneliness can lead to health problems.
Robin read a story about a guy who infected his wife with HIV with his own blood. He pricked his wife with a sewing needle with his blood on it to infect her and it worked. He was trying to get her to have sex with him again so he figured he'd infect her.
Robin read that military families are experiencing more stress than their peers. She had some audio of a woman talking about the research that they had done for that study.
Robin had some audio of Senate Majority Leader Harry Reed talking about how the people who are against public health care are the same kind of people who were against ending slavery. Howard said that was kind of a weird comparison. He said it's hardly the same thing.
Robin read some news about same sex marriage in New Jersey. She said that they cleared a bill that would allow it and some people are upset about it and asking questions about it. She had some audio of one guy from a Synagogue asking if they were going to be charged with hate crimes even though they're not against it because of hate. Howard said he should just let it go. He said he hates hearing Jews complaining about stuff like that when they've had so many problems themselves. That led to Fred playing Gilbert Gottfried singing some Yiddish stuff.
Robin had Howard play some new music from Sade. Howard played that and Artie said he digs that chick. Howard said he does too. Artie said it's very soothing.
Robin read through some movie news and had some audio of Matt Damon talking about working with Clint Eastwood. She also had some Mark Wahlberg audio where he talks about his work in ''The Lovely Bones.'' Howard said Beth saw the movie and she loved it. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:45am.
Jon said he thought they looked good to him. He said Kim was particularly striking. Gary said he's not sure Howard knew the difference between which one was which. Jon said that they did talk a lot about a bunch of things. Gary said that they were talking a lot about what was going on during the OJ Simpson trial and things like that. They heard a lot of conflicting information from different sides in the case.
Jon said that the girls talked about how they get paid to just show up at parties. He said he doesn't get their show at all but Gary thought he had an explanation. Gary said he thinks that they appeal to younger people. Gary said he doesn't get it either but he's a 48 year old man.
Gary said that they do wonder what kind of talent they have and he's not sure what that is. He said that doesn't mean that they're not talented. Jon said that they might be famous just for being famous. They talked about some other people who are famous for that. They're not the only ones out there, they're just the most popular ones.
The guys spent a few more minutes talking about the stuff the girls were talking about in their interview today. They also talked about some other celebrities who are famous for being famous. Gary said there was a couple who married after appearing on Survivor who had a sex tape released and no one cared about it because they were just two regular people having sex.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thought they were excellent guests and he's a big fan of Kim's. He asked if she was gorgeous in person. The guys said that she was stunning. Jon asked about her ass and what he thought about that. Benjy said he didn't see much of it but she was hot.
Jon played a clip from the interview where the girls were talking about what it would cost Howard to hire them to show up.
After the clip the guys talked more about what they were charging and why they would charge more for a birthday appearance. they weren't sure if she was talking about showing up for her birthday or someone who hires them.
Benjy said that he's gotten paid to show up at an event like that. He said he doesn't get that kind of money though. Gary said he bets Artie could get paid to do something like that. Teddy said Artie actually did that. He said he got a lot of money for showing up to a club. Gary said he was there that night. He said he thinks he could do very well just doing that and not even doing comedy.
A caller asked if they have ever watched that show they're on. Jon and Gary said they hadn't really seen much of it. The caller said the show is awful. Jon said that a lot of people watch that show and even more are watching that than watching ''Mad Men.'' The caller said he knows that because his girlfriend watches it.
The guys talked about some of the other awful reality shows that are on and how they've managed to avoid most of them. They said that shows like Survivor are not the type of reality shows they're talking about though. Jon said he separates those kind of shows out from the type where cameras just go into someone's house. Gary asked if the shows like ''Deadliest Catch'' show someone's talent. Jon said of course they do. Those guys are doing something. He said he didn't want to knock the Kardashian's show but they're not really doing much of anything.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that some people watch that show because they hate it. He said it's like listening to Howard because you hate it, you just want to hear what they're going to say next. The caller said he likes that show.
Gary said he was addicted to the show ''My Super Sweet 16'' and it was because it was like a train wreck. He said that the girls on the show were just horrible. He said that one girl wanted her father to make it snow in July and he did that but then she hated the color of the car her father gave her.
A caller said that the interview today sounded annoying and he had to turn it off because it was so bad. He said that they talk through their nose and he can't see them so he had to turn it off. Gary said he can agree with him on that because he can look up at the monitor to see them. Gary said that when Howard speaks to them you can see expressions on their face and it made him like them better. The caller said that's fine but just listening to them made him want them to just shut up. He said he was glad when the segment was over.
Gary asked the caller if they could have done anything to make them better. He said if they had ridden the Sybian then maybe. Gary said that it sounds like he was never going to like them so nothing would have changed it.
Jon said that the girls were good sports about some of the stuff they were talking about and you don't hear that from all of the guests they have. Gary said that they gave honest answers from what he could tell.
Al Rosenberg called in and said that he enjoys this show. He said that Zsa Zsa Gabor was another one who was famous just for being famous. He said she just married rich guy after rich guy and she was a horrible bitch and a mean person.
Gary brought up Maime Van Doren too. That led to Benjy saying that she's still hot and she has a web site. He brought the web site up, MaimeVanDoren.com, and Gary said he can't possibly find that hot. Benjy said she looks good for a 70-something year old. Gary said that's not hot at all.
Jon took another call from a woman who brought up Anna Nicole. She said that she was another one who became famous for just being famous. Gary said that she was in Playboy though. She was also a Guess Jeans model. Gary said that she got there because of that and not for doing nothing. The woman said that Paris has done some runway modeling too. Gary asked if it was before she did her reality show and stuff. The caller didn't seem to be clear on that. The caller and Gary went back and forth arguing about that for a few minutes.
Gary said there was someone on the phone who wanted to be famous and she bought billboards. He said she just put them up and said she was going to be famous and she became famous for that. Her name was Angelique or something like that.
A caller said that he watches that Kardashian show when he's at home and baked. He said that their godfather is OJ Simpson. The guys didn't know that. The caller asked why they would keep him as their godfather after what he did. Gary said that he's not sure that they still have a close relationship with the guy now.
The caller told Benjy that he needs to talk more. He said he knows Howard doesn't let him speak but he'd never put up with that. Benjy said that he loves his job and he's not going to walk out on the show just because of that. The caller said he should sit down with Howard and talk about that with him to try and get some time on the air. Benjy said he would love to have more of a voice but he's not going to walk out on the show because of that. Benjy said it's Howard's show and he's not going to beg him to give him time on the air. He knows that he has trouble speaking sometimes and Howard gets frustrated.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the Kardashians might like black guys because they grew up around OJ and his wife. Gary didn't think that was the reason for it.
Another caller said he watches the Kardashian show and Kim really is hot. He said that she's one, fine, beautiful girl. He gave them some details about the show and how much he enjoys it. They had to go to break as short time later.
Jon moved on to talk about JD coming in today and how he wasn't looking so good. Gary said he knows JD is in a bad place. He said he came into his office around 9:30 and put his hand on his shoulder. He said that JD isn't a touchy feely guy and he's feeling bad about not being there. He said that's a lot for JD to put his hand on his shoulder. Jon said that JD is on Zoloft so that might be why he was acting like that. Gary said he thought it was sweet that he was doing that.
Jon said that JD is getting a lot of conflicting information from people there. Gary said he thinks that JD will listen to the doctor he went to see today so hopefully that will work out for him. Gary said that it seems to be getting to be a bigger and bigger thing for JD and he has to work on that. Howard makes it seem so simple to work it out but it's not.
A caller said that he's been dealing with a lot of anxiety his whole life and he wanted to give him some tips. He said that the more JD fights it, the worse it's going to get. He said that he's going to have that fear that his attacks are going to keep happening if he doesn't just accept it and move on.
The caller said he learned piano which helped him be calm. He said he's been on and off of meds for a long time and he's on some stuff now. He went on and on about his problems and how JD can help himself if he just accepts it.
Gary asked the guy to stop talking and he'd give him some Carson's ribs. Gary said that Jim McClure had a gun to his head so he had to cut him off. Jon and Gary hooked the guy up with the Carson's ribs thing and put him on hold. Gary apologized to him for cutting him off like that but he had to move along.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he agrees with Howard about just getting over this stuff. He said that you have to man up and just go to work. The guy said that he was in the service and he's the one who should have PTSD, not JD. He said that maybe he doesn't have someone to tell him to just get over this shit. He said that you have to figure it out and go on with your life.
Benjy said if he didn't know the facts about JD not wanting to leave home he wouldn't have known. He said today he seemed to be able to speak more clearly than usual. The guys said that those confidence pills may be helping him out with that.
Another caller said that they have to watch JD because he might come in there one day and go postal. Gary said he doesn't think he has to worry about that. He doesn't think that JD is that kind of guy. He said that Artie isn't either with his problems. The caller said it does seem kind of odd that JD doesn't like to leave his house and that's the way those guys who go postal are.
Gary said maybe tomorrow they'll hear more about what JD was told by the doctor. Benjy said he hopes JD takes Howard's advice on changing his hours because he kind of put that on himself. He said that he also seems to have gotten nervous after people show up at work. He spends a lot of time at home alone so that could be part of the problem. Jon said that JD does spend a lot of time alone and with the weird hours.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's been on Zoloft for about 15 years now. He said that it saved his life. He said that JD really has to talk to the guys there and talk to Howard about what's going on. He said he feels that Howard really is concerned. He said he has to be friendly with them there too. Benjy said that JD is social there when he's at work. Gary said he's more social now than he was when he first started there.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she has suffered from anxiety since she was young and she had to take medication too. She was also saying that Robin gave him some wrong advice yesterday. She said that you have to come down from that anxiety attack before you can get help. She said that Robin told JD he shouldn't take a Xanax but that friend actually saved him. Gary said that you shouldn't take medication like that without seeing a doctor. Jon said you can get hooked on that stuff and that wouldn't be a better thing.
Benjy asked the caller what she's so sad about because she really sounded depressed. The caller said that she was depressed and said that her dog is very sick right now. Gary told her that Benjy used to be on a psychic hotline so he picks up on stuff like that.
Another caller said that JD doesn't have PTSD. He said that he has it from being in the service and seeing dead bodies and shooting people. Gary said that not everyone has to see the same kind of stuff to be affected. Jon said that JD was punched in the face and mugged on the subway and that's his war. Benjy said he went through a bad thing and maybe that's what's causing this, maybe it's not. Jon said that maybe his doctor will be able to figure it all out.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he gets that people have problems in their lives but they seem to be a bunch of pussies. The caller said that they need to toughen up and get over it. The guy said that Artie is the biggest pussy and he needs to toughen up.
Jon said Howard mentioned that he's motivated by having to go to work every day. He said that not everyone there is like Howard though. It's easier said than done for some people according to Gary. The caller asked why that is. Gary said that everyone is different. He said you can't just tell someone to get over a mental illness. They can't just get over it.
Benjy said that some guys are shy in front of girls and people will tell them to just get over it but it's not that easy.
Ralph called in and said that telling someone to just get over it is the worst advice. He said that sleep is very important. He said that he takes some ''simply sleep'' stuff from Tylenol that works great. He said that it calms your brain down and that really helps. He said that's what JD should try. Ralph said he's almost hooked on the stuff. He said he will take it if he can't sleep and the stuff knocks him right back out. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how Artie was asking why he didn't like a particular person and he was filling him in off the air. Howard said he won't even mention this person on the air because he dislikes him so much. Howard told Robin to ask him off the air if she wants to know who it was. Howard said he wasn't talking to anyone in the audience.
Howard said he was going to start off with this story about Family Feud. He said this guy John O'Hurley is the host of the show and he has this really annoying announcer voice. He said they're doing this show and this question came up. He said one lady guessed him as an answer and he's not thrilled about that. The question was ''Name a rich man who proves that money doesn't make you better looking.'' One woman said ''Howard Stern.'' O'Hurley laughed at the answer.
Howard said that guy has a fake laugh too. He wasn't happy that someone thought of him in that. He goofed on O'Hurley's announcer voice and fake laugh that he had. Howard told him to try laughing like a human being.
Howard said he's one of those people who think that now that he's got money he's good looking to some women. Howard said he likes that the woman was wrong. He said it might be true but it's nice that he wasn't in the top 5 answers.
Howard said he had some audio from the Regis and Kelly show. He said that he still can't get over that Kathie Lee leaving that show. He said she's on TV again but he still thinks of her being on with Regis. Howard and Robin spent a short time talking about her and how she might be down for the 10 count at this point with her husband. Robin said no one sees Frank Gifford these days so there's no telling what he looks like.
Howard said Tiger lucked out that she didn't die. He said that nightmare continues for the guy. Howard had a time line for Tiger Woods and who he's slept with. Howard said the real test is naming all of the women he's slept with. Howard said he's been reading about all of this stuff and he can probably tell everyone how Tiger fucks them.
Howard said one article had a whole time line for Tiger. He went through some of the articles and found the name of Tiger's mother-in-law and read about her. He also read about Tiger's wife calling 911 about her mother. Howard said that Tiger hasn't been seen lately and he's the guy they should be worried about. Howard said he can't believe that Tiger's wife is still with him after all of this.
Howard was reading about Tiger's mother-in-law and Artie's breathing was distracting him. He said he had to pot down his microphone while he was doing that. He said he has to work the controls for Artie to make sure he gets it back up when he wants to talk. Artie said he can get that under control for him. He said he could leave his mic up and he'll make sure it doesn't happen again.
Howard read more about Tiger Woods being dropped by some sponsor. He also read about how Rush Limbaugh was using this story to say that African Americans were already in a bad way with Obama not doing so well and now they have this Tiger Woods cheating so they're not doing so well.
Howard read about some of the other women that have come out and said they had affairs with Tiger. Howard said there are a bunch of new ones who have come out. He read about some of the latest.
Howard said he believes that Tiger Woods is going to have this go on for a while and then it'll die down and Tiger will come around and start playing golf again. Howard said this might motivate him to play even better. He said that's what happened with Kobe Bryant. Howard said Tiger might get more endorsements even if he loses a few now. Howard said that he might admit he's a sex addict or something but he'll be fully redeemed eventually.
Robin said Tiger might start endorsing booze and stuff like that. Howard said he has seen football players who have started endorsing some kind of suits. He said that they have a tough time getting anything else to endorse.
Howard said if he were Tiger he wouldn't pay his wife to stay with him. He said it's tainted already so there's no reason to keep her there. Howard said Tiger should take away the entire pre-nup and tell her he'll give her a dollar if she stays with him.
Howard said he was reading about Tiger and in high school he was a golfer so he must not have been getting women. He said that Tiger is probably going to end up in rehab or something. He said that things will work out for him eventually.
Howard said Lady Gaga was wearing the weird masks and outfits over there. Robin said she heard that she was 35 years old. Howard said he thought he told her that. Howard said he may have told her that but he knows he read it somewhere.
Howard said he should have started wearing masks a long time ago. He said he likes that she wears those masks. Robin said that she's kind of unusual looking. She saw her on some Barbara Walters special. Howard then said that Lady Gaga is actually 23. Robin wondered where they got the 35 thing from. Howard said he's going to keep saying she's 35 and start a rumor.
Howard got back to Tiger Woods and talked about how someone was saying that it's odd how people are surprised that Tiger was cheating on his wife since she's pretty as if they're surprised that she's not ugly.
Howard said that Tiger is a goofy looking guy and he made a lot of money and went berserk. He said that Tiger can go out and fuck anyone he wants now that he has all of that money. He said that he's never had people say no to him. Howard said Tiger's father was on his ass to play golf really well when he was growing up and now he must have a lot of resentment toward him.
Howard said it's really hard to find a teaching gig and these dopes had to do this at school. He said it might be exciting to do it there but they could have taken it somewhere else.
Howard read about how the women were removed from the classroom and said he wishes he could have been there for that. Howard read about one of the husbands of one of the teachers and how he doesn't think this went on. Howard read a quote from a student who was a junior at the school and he was 18 years old. The guy said that his teacher wore low cut tops and shorts to class. She would wear 3/4 length jeans to class as well. The student said that she was a flirt too. Howard said he likes that this guy is 18 and a Junior in high school.
Howard read that one of the teachers had a tramp stamp tattoo and a few other tattoos on her that she'd show in class. Howard said the younger one didn't do that kind of stuff. They claim that she dressed elegant but she was kind of flirty. Howard said that one was super hot too. He said that story was hot. He wondered where they were doing it. He said it must have been on a desk or something. He said the floor would be too dirty.
Howard said every story in the paper is about Tiger Woods and what he should do. He said people are giving him advice on what to do and everyone is giving advice. Some say he should be a man and keep doing what he's doing and others are saying he should just shut up and let it go away.
Howard played some audio from the show where Kelly said she had no idea what was wrong with Bryant and he revealed that he had cancer surgery a couple of months ago and he was keeping it secret. He told her about how they took out some of his lung and they're hoping that it's over and done with now.
Howard said everyone seems to get cancer. He said a lot of people he knows have cancer. Robins said that a lot of the foods we eat have chemicals in them. She said that's what you have to watch out for.
Robin said she had an incident at a restaurant yesterday. She said a woman was sitting next to her at the vegan restaurant and the woman went on and on about being a vegan for about 15 minutes when she heard that she was a vegan. She was a stranger and she was telling her about how this was all about the health of people and the environment. Howard told Robin she should have told her to stop. Robin said she kept thinking she was going to stop but she just kept screaming.
Howard said Robin is going on a trip to Guatemala soon and someone sent in a letter with some helpful tips for her. Howard dread the letter where they said not to go outside after dark or you'll be murdered. They said don't make eye contact or you'll be murdered. The person said that you have to go with a guide down there and if you don't do what they say... you'll be murdered.
Howard said he heard a story about a person who went to Mexico who ended up with a blood disease. Robin said that happens. The writer of that letter told Robin that she doesn't need her green drink because they have one down there, it's called Aqua.
Howard read more of the suggestions for Robin and said that she shouldn't smile because she could be murdered for her teeth. She was told not to draw attention to herself or she'll be murdered. Howard read that she should shit her pants to keep people away from her. The writer said that he waited to have surgery on his machete wound until he got back to the United States. Howard said he thinks that letter actually came from Wolfie.
Howard said he hopes that Robin makes it back safe and sound or he'll have to do the last year of the show on his own. Robin said that Fred should have enough tape of her to make it sound like she's still there. Fred tried that out a bit and played some clips of her talking about needing cock and saying ''Four inches is fine!''
Howard read some more news stories and said he saw that the new Iron Man movie had no script according to Jeff Bridges. Howard said he doesn't believe that Jon Favreau would do something like that with no script. Robin said if that's the way it went then it worked out pretty well. Howard said he might be upset about not being in the new movie and maybe that's why he's bad mouthing it.
The guy said that he has had sex in the back of his truck. He said he's fingered some girls back there too. Howard said that's why he came down on Gary the other day about the mail he had in his bag. He said he had to tell Gary to use his head when it comes to that stuff.
Howard asked the guy about his M.S. and how that came on. The guy said they said it might be genetic. He said that he's lost control of his right arm and he could lose his left arm too. He said if that happens then he's screwed.
All of that talk led to them talking about smoking. Howard said that if you're going to smoke that much then you should just let yourself go and do other drugs. Artie said that the smoking might kill you eventually but you can still live your everyday life.
Howard asked the guy if he can still have sex. The guy said he still can with his wife. The guy said that his wife is a cool chick.
JD came in and told Howard where some clips were on his computer. Howard said that JD is looking good this morning. Howard said they gave him Xanax and JD was making total sense and not fumfering around. He said that stuff is working for him. Artie said that's because he's high. JD said he took a Xanax before work today. Howard said JD seems to be euphoric. JD said he's not.
Howard said they've been discussing JD's problems on the Wrap Up Show the past couple of days. The caller told Howard he wants to do some scooter Olympics and maybe get some money for the holidays. Howard told the guy to hold on and he'd play a game with him. He said he wanted to talk to JD though. The caller said that they could just give him the money and not play the game. Howard went ahead and did that and gave him $711 from 7-Eleven. Howard asked him to spell it for him but the guy actually spelled it wrong. He spelled it ''Seven Elevn.'' Howard said he got it wrong so he blew it. Howard told him where he was wrong and the guy claimed he spelled it correctly. Howard had him doing it over and over again but he kept leaving out the letter E in both words. Howard asked the guy to spell it right one last time. He finally got it on that last try.
Howard said he was trying to help JD by telling him that he should just lay there and eventually he'll fall asleep. Howard said that he might be exhausted but eventually he'd fall asleep. Howard said that was a reasonable approach but then Ralph called into the Wrap Up Show and told the guys that it was bad advice. He had a clip from the show where Ralph talked about that. He said he hoped that JD wasn't listening to that yesterday.
Howard played the clip of Ralph telling the guys how bad that advice was for JD. Ralph was also talking about this stuff he takes to get sleep when he has trouble sleeping.
After the clip Howard said that Ralph doesn't know what he's talking about. He said that he tried Ambien for a while when he was having rouble sleeping but he got off of that stuff. Robin said that she had insomnia for a while but she just taught herself to sleep again. She didn't have to use drugs to help her sleep.
Howard said your body will eventually give you a break and let you sleep. Robin said she stayed up until midnight last night just to prove that you don't need sleep to do that job.
Howard said he caught Robin not running again yesterday. He said he saw her walking instead of running. Robin said she did 2 miles of running yesterday. Howard said he always sees her walking. Robin said he saw her running just the other day. Robin said she sees him running and she laughs when she's walking.
Howard said last night he was laying in bed exhausted. He banged Beth and after he blows his load you're trained to sleep. He said that he usually falls out like a rock. Howard said it's like a Pavlovian thing at this point. Howard said he was out cold within 3 minutes of having sex. He said that's why women love guys so much.
Howard said he was in a coma last night after sex and then the phone rang. He said it was a wrong number. He said Beth picked up and this one lady keeps calling their number thinking it's the right number. He said Beth asked the old lady why she keeps calling if it's the wrong number time after tine. Howard said he thinks they have the problem licked now.
Howard said he was wide awake after that phone call and he knew he wasn't going to fall asleep. He said he just said to himself that he was just going to lay there with his eyes closed. He said he knows he's not going to die from not sleeping. He said that he also said to himself that he's not God and he can't control everything that happens to him in his life like a phone ringing. Howard said he thinks that he's special so nothing inconvenient should happen to him in his life. Howard said that phones will ring and it just happens in life. He said shitty things just happen.
Howard said you just have to let things go and go to sleep. He said JD could do that without taking any sleeping pills like Ralph was suggesting. JD said he might try that if insomnia was his only problem. JD said he has things he's thinking about and has nervous thoughts and stuff. He said that he has thoughts about being out of the house and things and that's what he was worried about.
Robin asked JD what it is that he's thinking about. JD had trouble getting it all out. JD said he has trouble being away from his apartment which is his home base. Howard said JD must know what's bothering him but he doesn't want to share it. Howard said that's fine and told him he doesn't need to be stressed out. Howard said JD is smiling like a mongoloid thanks to the medication. Howard said his hair is combed and he's smiling and happy. JD said he's been there for 6 hours now and his hair may not be that groomed.
JD said he's trying to change his hours and came in at 5 this morning. Howard said they're going to get him on a normal schedule and get him shaped up and shaved. He said that they might need to get him to exercise. Artie told them not to jump in too far now.
Artie called JD yesterday to talk to him. Howard told JD not to listen to anything he says. Artie said that he was just trying to comfort him, he wasn't giving him advice. Howard told JD he doesn't want to go down that road with Artie. Artie is on a couple of medications himself. He's on Klonopin and some other stuff as well. Howard said he thinks Artie will be okay too. While they were talking Fred was playing Artie's squeaking sound effects.
Howard told JD to keep going to the doctor. Robin asked if he's going to go see a psychiatrist. He said he wasn't sure about that. Howard told JD he should be saying ''yes.'' JD said he'll say yes then. JD said he's not a big talker so he's not sure he wants to do that.
Howard said he knows what JD is up to on Facebook and stuff. He said he sees his posts on there and he knows what's going on with him. He said he's not having much of a life based on what he's seeing on there. Howard said he can picture JD standing in the mirror talking to himself, nude. Howard said JD was talking to girls on the computer every minute for a while there.
Howard came back and asked who was singing that song. Fred said it was Paul McCartney from a recent concert. Howard listened to that for a short time and sang along to it.
Howard played a clip of Artie's breathing from this morning. He was breathing really heavy. Howard said Fred makes some weird noises too though. He said it's like a zoo in there sometimes. He said Fred will grunt and groan. Howard played some clips of him making noise too. He kind of moos like a cow.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa said she was looking forward to 50 Cent coming in because they were going to be doing the Celebrity Roll Call thing. She said that she's pretty sure that 50 Cent will know when to come in with his lines. She figured that he's heard of the whole Roll Call thing but Howard told her she's delusional. Howard said the fans are saying that the best part of it is that she's the only one taking it seriously.
Howard said Lisa thinks that 50 Cent knows how to do Roll Call. Lisa said he will know how. Howard said he's never heard it and he probably never heard her on Hot 97. Lisa said if he grew up there in the area then he did hear of it. Howard asked her how much she wanted to bet him that he didn't know it. Lisa seems to think that every black person knows her radio show. Lisa said she's pretty sure he's going to know the show she used to do. Howard got a chuckle out of that.
Howard said that he's going to ask 50 Cent if he knows what Roll Call is. If he doesn't know her show then she has to play violin for them. Lisa didn't want to play any games. She said that she would bet money but not the violin thing. She said she's not even good at the violin. Artie said she must know something by this time. She said that she can play some very basic stuff. She said she used to be really good but she doesn't play that much now.
Howard said Lisa is under some kind of delusion that she was super famous on that radio show she was on. Howard said she thinks that some girls chased her down the street. Lisa said that did happen and it was a few girls who ran toward her. Howard said it wasn't an overwhelming thing. Lisa said that they were very big back then. She said that they were very special but maybe not like Howard Stern was.
Howard said that he did know about Dr. Dre, Ed Lover and Lisa but only from reading about them in the paper. That was the reason they were talking about them back then.
Gary came in and said that he spoke to Dr. Dre yesterday and he had heard that they played the clip of the Bacca Boys stuff. Dre said that they took it to New York and made it famous. Howard said that they didn't even invent it. Lisa said she never said they invented it. They said that Lisa did say that she helped invent it or develop it.
Lisa said that they hooked JD up with a doctor there at SIRIUS and she was telling them what JD might be suffering from. She said that they're looking into his health and trying to make sure he's going to be okay so they're sending him to a psychiatrist next week.
Howard said that JD should be out exercising and that would help him sleep. He said that's what he does and he's able to sleep no problem. Lisa said the doctor says that the brain can do weird things to a person.
Howard said JD eats some crappy food too so that doesn't help. He said that he eats Filet-o-fish and he loves to hear him say that name.
Howard asked Lisa about the radio show she did and why she wasn't hired with Dre and Ed Lover. She said she was hired. She said that she did work with them.
Lisa said that Jackie Martling did a film role that they may never see. He backed out of the film when he heard that Richard Christy was going to be in it too. The producer said that he and Jackie were on bad terms when he found out that Richard might be in it. Howard wondered what the problem was with Richard. Robin said he was in a film with Miss Black Howard Stern.
Richard said that Jackie is apparently upset with them playing a clip from the movie ''The Wicked'' that he was in and he was the one who pulled the clip. He said that Jackie gets mad that they goof on it. Richard told him where it was so they could play it again. Howard played the clip. Howard said he thinks that the scene was ad libbed and not scripted. Artie said they could have tightened up the scene a little bit. He said that he's not an expert though.
Howard played more of the scene and goofed on Jackie's acting and on the other actor's as well. Robin said its' funny that Jackie is mad at Richard but he's willing to have lunch with Howard. Howard said that Jackie is mad at Richard because Richard pointed out this scene. Artie didn't think that the movie even came out. Richard said it is out and it's on DVD.
Howard and the guys continued to goof on the scene that Jackie was in. Howard was clucking like a chicken making fun of Jackie's laugh. Howard said they probably couldn't edit that scene because of the bad music they had playing in the background. Fred said they probably added that in later. Howard said they probably didn't add it in.
Howard played more of the scene and goofed on Jackie more about his lines. Jackie kept saying that his material was ''killer shit'' so Howard asked if it really was killer shit. He didn't seem to think it was. He continued to play the clip and goof on Jackie for a couple more minutes.
Richard said he heard Jackie is mad at his buddy who directed that movie. Richard said his buddy didn't have anything to do with pulling that clip though.
Howard said 50 did kiss Lisa on the way in. Howard asked 50 if he knew of this Roll Call thing. He said he didn't really know it but then he said that he had heard of it. Howard said he didn't hear of it. He went on to explain to 50 about what this Roll Call thing was. It was a routine that Lisa did on a radio show back in the 90s. Howard said that Lisa thought 50 would know what it was but he knew he wouldn't.
Howard said that Lisa, Dre and Ed were all fired and you don't get fired if you have a big show. Lisa said that's what Hip Hop stations were like. Howard said she keeps saying that but that's bull. He said that 50 didn't know this Roll Call thing and he had never heard of it.
Howard said they were going to do Celebrity Roll Call and see if 50 knew where to come in. 50 just laughed. Howard told him not to come in if he didn't want to. Howard started the music and did his talk up for the awful Roll Call thing. They did their thing and sang it. 50 was taking the part of the caller but he had no idea what to do. 50 said that he had heard that thing before. He said that they usually do it with a caller though. Howard said 50 looked like a deer in the headlights.
Lisa thought that 50 remembered it from hearing it on a radio show but Howard said there was no way that he had ever heard of it. Howard said Lisa was really pissed about this and she thinks that her show was the biggest thing on radio when she was on. Howard said that she's delusional.
50 said that things do change in radio and it happens to artists all the time too. Howard said he saw 50 and Eminem performing together. He said that was really good. Howard said he thought that Eminem was hogging the mic a little bit.
Howard asked 50 about a story he read about him getting his tattoos removed from his arms so he could be in movies and not have them removed. 50 said he did that and it's more painful than putting them on. He said that it took about a year to get that done. He said that the make up would take hours to put on to cover them up so he had to get them taken off.
Howard asked 50 what his arms look like now. He showed Howard and they were still kind of visible but not that bad. Howard said he has a whole movie schedule coming up. 50 said he has a few things in the work and he wrote one of the movies he has coming up.
Howard said he read that Robert De Niro asked 50 for some business advice soon. 50 said that did happen and he just came up to him as a businessman. Howard read that 50 is worth $400 million. 50 said he's not up there with Howard and Robin but he's doing okay.
Robin said they say that a lot of that money came from Vitamin Water. They claim that he didn't make a lot of that money from Vitamin Water and it wasn't as much as they think it was. 50 said they say a lot of things in the media and they're not always true.
Howard asked 50 if he's being affected by the economy. 50 said he's still doing alright and he's getting into some new stuff. He said he has a lot of things in the work and the music isn't making him a ton of money so he's working on a new web site that will have people visiting to see music videos and stuff like that.
Howard said he read that 50 has stopped spending a lot of money on jewelry. He used to keep everything he bought but now he'll sell some and get some new stuff.
Howard also said that 50 has a house he bought off of Mike Tyson and it's too big for him. 50 said he wants something smaller than 18 bedrooms. He said that place has a night club and an indoor racquetball court. Howard said he must have to staff the house. 50 said he has 4 people there and he hasn't even been to the house that much.
50 said he paid $4 million on that place and put about $6 million into it. He was trying to sell it for $18 million but no one is taking it. 50 said it's tough in this economy to sell that place. Robin said that she's been trying to sell her place on Staten Island and it's not going. She said it's been on the market for quite a while now.
Howard said he'd like a house like that because it's like a pussy palace. Howard said that you bring any bitch to that house and they're going to love it. Howard asked 50 if he has ever done that with a chick and brought her there to impress her. 50 said he doesn't usually bring them to his house until after he's been with them. He said he has trust issues. 50 said he's seen some wild stuff and he's thinking about the women he's with being mothers, daughters and sisters.
Howard asked 50 about Tiger Woods and what he's been up to. 50 said he thinks that maybe it was a relationship that wasn't fulfilling. Howard said that he has like 10 or 11 women that he was fucking the brains out of.
Howard asked if he thinks Tiger is an Urkle looking guy who finally got money and now he's taking advantage of that. 50 said that could be it.
Howard asked 50 if he's dating Ciara. 50 said he did a music video with her but he didn't bang her. Howard asked if he's done any of the chicks Tiger was with. 50 said that he hasn't done any of them. 50 said that he should have picked different women. He said he would have picked women who won't go to the press like all of these women have.
Howard asked if it was true that 50 said he wanted to do something with Susan Boyle. 50 said that was in an interview and they were just asking him questions. He didn't suggest it himself.
Howard asked 50 why he carries $25,000 on him all the time. 50 said he doesn't do that all the time. He said he might do it when he finds something he wants to buy. Howard said he thinks he does that to remind himself that he's rich. 50 said that's true but the money is just one thing. He said that he has watches that are worth like $300,000 that he wears too. Howard said that stuff seems frivolous to him and he would never buy something like that.
50 told Howard that he has to live sometimes and just buy stuff like that. 50 said that he came in there today and no one even offered him breakfast. He was referring to the food that Artie and Benjy were eating in the back there. Howard told him to ignore those guys.
Howard asked 50 about how he can make himself cry on cue for movie scenes. 50 said he just has to think about stuff in his childhood to make himself cry. 50 said that he can think about going into his grandmother's home after his mom passed. He said that was really uncomfortable for him. He said he was just 8 years old at the time. Howard said that is tough. Robin said she wouldn't have thought it was so tough for her at that age.
Howard said his mom lost her mom at 9. 50 started to cry while they were talking about that. Howard said he really is a good actor. Howard said that was good for him. Howard said that 50 really had them going. Howard said he couldn't do that.
Artie asked if Howard has ever come close to crying on the air. Howard said they had to use onions on him in the movie when he had to cry. He said his mother used to take his temperature anally so he doesn't cry that much. He said that the Howard TV guys had his tears on the monitors in the studio.
Howard asked 50 what he's getting paid to do movies these days. 50 said he just did one movie where he was paid a million bucks.
Howard asked about the feud between 50 and Jay-Z. 50 jokingly said that he's scared to death. Howard read that Jay-Z refused to shoot a video with 50 and 50 said that Jay-Z thinks that he's like Jesus or something. Howard asked if he's going to come back at him and try to ruin him in the business or anything. 50 said that they're probably both sick of hearing about all of that stuff so he's not worried that anything is going to happen.
Howard said 50 said that Kanye West never would have taken the mic out of his hands like he did with Taylor Swift. Then Jay-Z came out and said that Kanye would have taken it from him because no one is afraid of 50 Cent. 50 said that Jay-Z must feel like he has to be tough or something. He said that he should have said something to the person who was interviewing him about how he would have been afraid of him. 50 said he's pretty sure he could kick the ass of Jay-Z or Kanye West. Howard asked if he would challenge them to a fight. 50 said they don't even compete in music stuff so he's pretty sure that won't happen.
Howard asked 50 if he respects Jay-Z's music. He said he does like some of his new stuff so he can't bad mouth that.
Howard asked 50 if he had a bullet proof vest on because he looked so pumped up. 50 said he wasn't wearing one, he's just working out. He said he's not doing any juice or anything. Howard told him that his balls will shrivel up if he does that. 50 asked if Howard's balls were shriveled up. Howard said he's not doing that stuff and warned 50 not to do that stuff.
Howard read that 50 Cent almost went into a business where he was going to develop a condom to keep guys lasting longer in bed. They weren't able to figure out how to do that. 50 said that it was more about a safe sex campaign than that whole thing. He said that he doesn't have that problem in bed himself. He said he couldn't care less if he finishes before a woman does. He said you have to love yourself first.
50 brought up Magnum condoms so Howard asked if he uses those. 50 said he does. Howard sounded shocked. Howard asked how long his penis is that he has to use a condom. 50 said he's never measured it but he does feel special to have the size he does. 50 said he has to use the Magnums but that doesn't mean he's that big. Howard said that he's like 2 1/2 inches. 50 said he's probably watching too many porn movies. He said that he's not as big as Howard thinks he is.
Howard asked 50 if he's full length when he's flaccid. Robin said those were some strange questions. 50 said he refuses to answer Howard when he asks questions like that. Howard said that Jason is the only one on their staff who uses Magnums.
Howard read that 50 is working with Nicholas Cage on a movie. He asked if he talked to him about his financial problems. 50 said he didn't talk much about that with him.
Howard gave 50 a plug for his new single ''Baby Buy Me'' and asked what that was about. 50 said it's about buying your looks or something like that. That led to Howard playing the clip from Family Feud that he played earlier this morning where a woman mentioned his name.
Howard played some of 50's new song ''Baby Buy Me'' from his CD ''Before I Self Destruct.'' He let that play for a short time before interrupting and saying that Artie woke up in the middle of it. He was dancing around during that song. Artie said that 50 is one of his favorite artists. 50 said that he has to keep some of this stuff on the show to keep it from turning into an old people show. Howard said that Artie is the youngster on the show, he's only 42.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he really liked 50 in the movie he was in where he was in the service. 50 said that went straight to DVD so he doesn't think he'll be wining any Academy Awards for that.
Another caller asked 50 if he thinks that President Obama is losing credibility in the black community. 50 said that people are trying to rush the guy and he can't work things that fast. Howard agreed with him on that. The guy has been in office for just 10 months and it's not going to be an easy road for anyone. Howard said people are looking for a miracle.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who asked 50 if he thinks that Jay-Z really called the police on some guy one night. Howard had no idea what he was talking about. 50 explained it to Howard and said that someone was removed from a concert. Howard said that's a shitty question.
King also asked if he's fucking Vivica Fox. 50 laughed and said he's not. King said that she sweats on her top lip and he hates that. Howard let King go after that.
Another caller asked 50 about the lawsuit between him and Sesame Street. 50 said they did a skit on Jimmy Kimmel and no one is suing him. He said he did have a suit against Taco Bell because they used his music and made it seem like he was promoting them. He said he made out really good in that case. He said he won but he can't say how much.
Howard asked when he was last rejected by a woman. 50 said back in 2005 is when he started to get selective. He said that he has had to work to get girls since then but he didn't have any rejection stories.
Howard wrapped up with 50 and gave him some plugs for his stuff. 50 said he likes coming in there and said that they seem to have a good chemistry. He said that he would like him to bring in some strippers though. Howard keeps promising him that stuff but it doesn't happen. Howard told Robin to show 50 her tits. She wasn't going to do it. Howard asked her if she would date 50. Robin said that she wouldn't do that but Howard didn't believe it. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked what happened to Pearl Jam. Robin said they're out touring and still making music. She also said she read that Jessica Simpson is dating Billy Corgan from the Smashing Pumpkins. Howard said that he won't stay with her. Everyone dumps her and that makes it seem like no one is willing to stay with her. Howard said that she's going after guys who can get everyone and don't need her.
Howard said he wanted to play a couple of things. He said he read earlier about what an asshole Rush Limbaugh is. He said he comes across as an imbecile. He said that his statement doesn't make any sense. He played the clip where Rush was talking about Obama not coming through for the black people and how they're all livid about it. Howard wondered how he would know that living in his mansion down in Palm Beach. He let the clip play some more and Rush was talking about how Tiger Woods' choice of females wasn't making the black people feel good either. Howard said that must be because Tiger banged some white chicks. He said that no one is sitting home worrying about that. He said that no one gives a shit about who the guy is banging.
Howard played some edited clips of Rush that the guys put together. They had Rush talking about being butt fucked and things like that. Howard said he loves how Rush is always banging his desk in those clips he's played.
Howard said that guy Jason Ellis, who was on the show once, took the audio of that woman yelling about wanting to kill her mother and put it to music. Howard played the clip of the woman yelling and then played the heavy metal song that Ellis put together. The clip fit right into the song.
Howard said he loved that 50 Cent didn't know what Roll Call was. Robin said he didn't know it but he did try to make up with Lisa out in the hallway.
Howard said that Bubba and his guys are going to fly in for his holiday party. Howard said that should be fun. Robin said that Bubba always hides at those events. She said he'll probably never say a word to her. Howard said that most people are making it to the dinner. He said that a lot of people are coming but a few said they can't make it.
Will came in and said that things are going good. Howard said it didn't sound so good the way he said that. Howard said things must not be going that great. Will said that he's trying to get away from doing the porn stuff and get into comedy. Will said he wants to change his name and get out there under that other name. He doesn't have one picked out. Howard said maybe ''Bill the Farter.''
Howard said he knows that Will started farthing on the internet and he was showing his cock and balls on there so a lot of gay guys were contacting him. Will said that he had guys paying him to jerk off and show his balls and ass. He said that he thought it was guys goofing on him but then they started paying him.
Will said his in-laws found out about what he was doing and had a whole stack of paper showing everything he had done in the past. He said that they found out that he was on the Stern Show, that he did a porn movie, that he was in porn, that he was making a living farting and more. He said that he hasn't spoken to them since. Will said that he was doing phone sex too so they found out about that.
Howard asked if his wife still talks to her parents. He said she does. He said that her mom likes him but he won't talk to them. He said he has a whole other story about them and he doesn't want to get into that. Will said that his wife Erica had a thing with a family member and they let him get away with that but they've shut him out for what he's been doing. He seems to think that's pretty shitty.
Howard said that maybe Will could win them over since he can play the trumpet with his ass. Will said they don't like that kind of stuff. They're Mormons so they don't go for that.
Will said that he has done some TV stuff like ''Howie Do It'' with Howie Mandel. He thinks that he can get away from the porn stuff and all of that. Robin asked how long it's been since he stopped doing the porn stuff. Will said he hasn't stopped yet. He's thinking about stopping.
Will Murray came in and said that he's sold his soiled undies to guys too. Will said that he never did that. He said he will sell used underwear but not soiled. He said he can get like $100 for that though. He doesn't want to do that anymore.
Howard asked if he has to get shit stains on his underwear. He said that the guys want to smell his ass but he doesn't have to stain them. Howard asked how many pair he's sold. He said it's a lot more than 10 but he doesn't have numbers.
Howard said that Will was going to play the trumpet with his ass today. Then Will Murray said that he forgot the trumpet. Will said that his wife packed it and forgot it. Howard asked what he was going to play instead. Will said he had a kazoo but it wasn't the one he usually uses so it's very hard to play. He gave it a try but it wasn't working very well.
Will Murray said he just got a mouth full of his fart. Howard had Will trying to play the Kazoo but it wasn't really doing anything. He was laying on his back farting but the kazoo wasn't making any noise. Will Murray said the smell was awful today. Will and Richie Wilson said they could taste it. Will the Farter said that he ate Mexican last night so that might be why it's so bad.
Howard asked Will what else he can do. Will said he can fart bubbles out. He blew some farts and then got it ready to blow some bubbles. He had a bubble maker that he put up to his ass and blew some farts out. He wasn't really making any bubbles. Will said that he can do it. He cleared his ass out and then sucked in some more air and blew out some farts. He still wasn't making bubbles. He did it the wrong way and had all of the guys cracking up at what he was attempting. He eventually got one out. Howard told him to try it again. Will tried a couple more times but the force of his blasts was just popping the bubbles. Will said he needed the right mixture and this wasn't it. Howard asked why he wouldn't bring the right mixture. Will said this was the bubbles he's been using the whole time but he has to hit it just right. He kept trying but it wasn't working.
Howard asked Will about shitting his pants in school and what that was about. Will said he had some ass problems and he used to shit his pants in school all the time. He said he had a fucked up life growing up. At 15 he had a kidney infection and that triggered the whole thing. He said he couldn't control it and he would just shit his pants not even knowing it. Then he'd have to walk home. He said he'd like to have those 15 years of his life back after what he had to go through.
Howard said it sounds like he had a tough life. Will said that he's sure there are people out there who remember him from those days. Howard said it sounds like he's the kind of guy you'd never forget.
Howard gave Will some plugs for his web site. Will said that he has some stuff out on Farts.com too. He talked about some of the stuff they have there. He also said that he wanted to do ''Jingle Bells'' or ''Let it Show.'' Howard had him do ''Let it Snow.'' Will blasted that out while Robin was singing along with him. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said they had enough fun and it was time to get back to business. He said he was listening to Tiger Woods' wife Elin calling 911. He said it was pretty good. He said it was good because it was Tiger Woods' wife. He said that she had to call when her mother collapsed in their house. Howard said they had to wheel her out on a stretcher and Tiger must have seen his endorsements flashing before him.
Howard played the 911 call that Elin made and she was very upset as soon as they picked up. Howard cut it off and said that he can't believe that the FCC came after him for being indecent when a guy like this is out there cheating on his wife with 11 women.
Howard played more of the 911 call. Elin was freaking out and trying to explain that her mother had passed out. Howard was goofing on her saying that she could have been calling to complain about her husband cheating on her with all of these women.
In the 911 call Elin dropped the phone since it was hard wired. Howard said Gary was surprised that Tiger had a hard wired phone like that. Howard said he has one. Fred does too. Fred said that you should have one because a hard wired phone will still work if the power goes out. Howard said he won't because he has some really old equipment.
Howard listened to more of the 911 call and there were babies crying in the background and stuff. Howard said it sounds like a nightmare place to be. Elin came back to the phone and said her mother was fine. She was sitting up but she had fainted. Elin said she heard her fall and she ran in to help her get up. She didn't think she was injured though.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he thinks that Tiger is going to be the guy who pays the most money to his wife in history once this is over and done with. Howard said that he's guessing that Elin is going to find a guy and get back at him for what he did. Howard said she's going to get him back and the guy will move into Tiger's house and not have to pay a dime.
Steve said they also have a story about Artie being in Time magazine for an awkward moment of the year. There were a couple of others that mentioned him in their yearly rundowns.
Steve said they have some updates about the History of Howard Stern Act III that Howard taped some stuff for. Steve got to interview him about that. Howard said he just did the final interview yesterday and he thinks the fans are going to love this one. Steve said the special starts on Monday, December 21st.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. They ended up talking about the 50 Cent thing with Lisa G. Howard said Lisa is delusional thinking that show was huge. He said there were probably 4 people listening to the show. He said he hates to tell Lisa that but that's what he thinks.
Howard said he was thinking about hanging his TV on his wall and asked a guy how much it was going to cost. He said the guy told him $9,000. Howard said that he already has the TV and that's what they told him. Robin said that they must have been including the cost of the TV. Howard said they had to do some wiring and stuff. Fred said maybe they were going to run cable in there too. He said that sounded steep though.
Howard said he wanted to put new glass in his shower and they told him $40-50,000. Howard said he had to say forget that too. He said people buy homes for that kind of money. Robin said she's not sure who he's talking to but that sounds really high. Howard said he's going to stick with what he's got. He said he doesn't like the shower. He said it's clear glass and he feels like he can see his fat ass in the mirror. He said he doesn't want to see his body.
Howard said he had a big, round, glass shower and he didn't want to see himself in the mirror. He said he thought they had the discussion and he walked in and it was clear glass that was square. He said he's going to shower in a blindfold instead of spending 50 grand. Howard said it feels like he's a go go dancer when he's in that shower.
Howard said he thought they were punking him or something when they told him 50 grand. He said he's thinking about bringing in a window tinting guy to tint the shower. He said he doesn't need to see his fat ass in the mirror across the way. Artie said he could put a whole addition on a house for 50 grand. Howard said he knows that and that's why he's not going to do this. Howard said these guys look at him like he's a jerk off when he says no.
Robin started her news with a story about Uma Thurman being single again. Howard said he was walking down the street one day a few years ago and he said hi to her and she was looking really good. He said he was wasted though so he's not sure if it happened or not. Howard said Beth sent him out to walk the dog and he thinks he said hi. He said that he seems to remember thinking she was hot but also thinking that she'd think she'd be too good for him.
Robin read about Mickey Rourke getting married. He's marrying a 24 year old that he's been dating. Howard said there's no way that's not going to work out. He said he seems to be pretty stable so things should work out just fine.
Robin read that Nicholas Cage is being sued by an ex-lover who says she's now in debt because of him not paying her. Cage is suing his former manager for mismanaging his finances as well.
Robin read that Eminem is the biggest selling music act in the past 10 years. The Beatles are number 2. Eminem sold 32 million albums and the Beatles sold 30 million. Artie said he tried to play Guitar Hero over the holidays and he was horrible at it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he thinks about what his life is going to be like with Beth if he doesn't have a job. Howard said he doesn't put much thought into it. He said he doesn't know if he's going to sign on again there because he's been reading a lot of weird shit. He said he hasn't talked to anyone yet about it. He said that he has to get out of this whole thing, it's all a mess. The caller asked Howard if he could get a tour of the studio. Howard said no to him. Howard said he didn't like the way the guy was trying to set him off.
Robin said that guy was just trying to ask him that question because Larry David's story line on ''Curb Your Enthusiasm'' was similar to what he was asking. Howard said that no one could sit in a room with that guy. Howard said his wife wants him home and he's not looking to leave that place. He said that it could affect his marriage. He said it could drive Beth nuts. He said she'll just go out and eat some lunch and hide for a few hours if she doesn't like it.
Howard said Beth had to go out and hide yesterday because they have so many people hanging out there. Beth had to go out and eat at a restaurant even though she wasn't hungry. Howard said that's that.
JD came in and said that Mel was saying that they're going to want Howard to ''work more for less.'' Howard said he doesn't understand that. Howard said he's not going to do a deal like that. Howard said JD is having a breakdown because he's worried about him leaving. Howard said that it's just time for him to leave though. He said that he's going to go off and retire and just get away. He said he had a great time there but he thinks he's done. He said he'd like to continue on but all of this talk of re-signing is ridiculous. He said that he can't take it and he doesn't want to negotiate. He said he's done and doesn't want to work there anymore after his last year is up. Howard said he's going to announce he's done now like Oprah did with her show.
Howard said that's his official word. He's done there. He said he has one year left and he's out. He said he's not going to sit there with that shit. Howard said he's not going to take less. Howard said Artie isn't going to survive another contract. He said he has to get out of there too. He said that son of a bitch looks like shit today. He said he's sorry about that but he doesn't look good. Artie said he's just burnt out.
Artie asked Howard if he really worries about the people there. Howard said he worries about Artie. He asked Artie if he would re-sign in a year. Artie laughed and said that he doesn't care about the stand-up anymore and he really can't answer the question right now. Howard said he's done with the questions about re-signing. He said Scott Greenstein went up to Gary and asked if he could do the show on his own. Howard said that's really tacky. Robin said there's no way that happened. Gary said that didn't happen the way he said it did. He said it wasn't like that.
Howard said that no one has to do anything psychologically there to get him to stay. Howard said he doesn't need to be there. Howard told Gary he can have his own show there in a year. He said he's had it himself. He told Gary to come in and practice the show now so he can take over. Fred played ''Happy Trails'' as they were going through that.
Howard said he hates that this stuff is in the press. He said he never talks about this stuff to the press and he keeps his mouth shut. Howard said that other people have to do the same thing. Howard said he heard they're doing a survey there where they ask people if they're canceling because Howard Stern isn't interesting anymore. Howard said he hates that. He said they don't have to do any shenanigans to keep him there, he's done. Howard said he doesn't understand all of this and he's just done.
Howard played a news report where they said that SIRIUS could cut Howard Stern from their lineup because of the economy. Howard said they have a whole psychology going and he doesn't need that.
Howard said he's thinking that it's enough. Howard said there is nothing to negotiate. Howard said Artie has to get out of there or his head is going to explode. Howard said he's doing this for Artie. He said that he's going to sign on with a radio station whose stock is 75 cents so he can make some money. He said they have to be kidding with these shenanigans.
Howard said this company is going to do fine without him. He said that he thinks that they'll do great and they really don't need him. He said he said the same thing about Viacom when he left and look at them now. Howard said they didn't fire a soul over there... except for the whole radio division. Howard said he doesn't think they really need him but if they're smart they'll hold on to everyone else. He said that would be his move.
Howard ended up talking about Gary taking over for him and did an impression of him asking Robin what was in the news today. Gary told him not to take it out on him. He didn't do anything. Howard said he was sorry about that but he was just kidding. Gary said if it's time for him to branch out that's fine. Howard told Gary to take it easy, he's just in a bad mood. Howard said that SIRIUS can keep everyone but Jason and Will because he needs them to garden at his house.
Ralph called in and told Howard to take off now and give Greenstein a preview of the Gary show. Howard said Gary could handle it just fine. Howard said Gary can talk and talk and it's all very fascinating. Howard said he looks at him sometimes and wonders what he's saying. Ralph was laughing and doing an impression of Gary himself. He was cracking himself up.
Howard said they don't have to play games with him there. He said they don't have to finagle him. He said if they can't pay the people on the channels then they should just fire everyone there and pay him. He said he doesn't want to be a stick in the mud. He said he's a straight shooter.
Howard played some Baba Booey song parodies and then played Gary's old MTV audition tape. Gary told Howard to stop taking this stuff out on him, he didn't do anything to him. Howard said that they're going to end up with a Medicated Pete Wrap Up Show when he leaves. Howard played more of Gary's old MTV audition tape and goofed on that some more. They threw in some more Baba Booey song parodies as well.
Gary said he knows Howard is mad but he should stop taking it out on him. Howard said he was just giving them a preview of what they would have if they had a Gary Dell'Abate show there instead of a Howard Stern Show.
Howard had Robin do one more story before they took a break. Robin read that the people who were trying to extort John Stamos didn't even have nude photos. They were looking for $640,000 for the pictures they had. Howard said they did that because they knew he didn't have a million. Robin said it was just photos of John posing with fans.
Robin read another story about puppy mills and a new phone number to call if you see inappropriate behavior from these people running puppy mills. That led to Howard talking about how all pet stores are the wrong place to get pets from. He said they almost all buy from these puppy mills and you don't want a pet from one of those places. They had to go to break after that.
After the break, around 10:30am, Howard came right back and had Robin get to more news. Robin read about the cost of Super Bowl ads and what they're going for this season. Robin said that they're $3 million for 30 seconds. Howard said that's insane. He said a lot of people see them though. Robin said that Bud and Bud Light are big buyers of the commercials and 90 percent of them are sold so far. Howard said he has to get into that beer business. He said they should have a Howard Stern beer. He said they need brand recognition and he has it right there.
Howard said he might have to talk about Jackie about how to go about doing that. That led to Fred playing Jackie's song ''Fools Gold'' which is about beer. He also played ''Cold Gold.''
Robin read some more news about the Tiger Woods story. She had a quote from one of the girls who admitted she had an affair with Tiger. She said that she's not a whore like people are saying she is. Robin said there are rumors that she got Tiger other women. Robin read about some more women who are coming out and admitting they were with Tiger Woods. One of the new women is saying that Tiger paid her some money and she used it to get some liposuction on her thighs. Robin said a lot of these women are from Las Vegas too so maybe that's a place he should stay away from. Robin read that Tiger may have had a porn star in the mix. She read about that story as well. Robin read that this one woman, Rachel, worked for Tiger from the minute he got off the plane. She would allegedly get him girls, drugs and more and handle it all.
Robin had an update on the 911 call that was made from Tiger Woods' house and how it was his mother-in-law that had to be taken out in an ambulance. Robin said that some of his sponsors are also getting jittery. Gatorade is going to be dropping Tiger's special drink ''Gatorade's Tiger Focus.'' Howard said that's a good thing. He said it couldn't have been a good thing. Nike is still backing Tiger up but AT&T is staying silent. Howard asked what the difference is between regular Gatorade and the stuff they were going to sell with Tiger's name on it.
Robin read a story about corruption and how an FBI agent made a speech to some business leaders about what can lead to it. He was pointing out Tiger Woods as one of those examples and how kids are looking up to people like this.
Robin read that McDonald's is having some problems because of the economy. She quickly went over that story and then read about the teachers that Howard talked about early this morning. Robin read some details of that story. Howard said that those chicks were hot too and he'd love to see what went on there.
Robin said that the White House party crashers are saying they will plead the fifth if they're brought up to the stand when they're questioned about how they got into the party.
Robin said that someone sold nude pictures of Roman Polanski and his wife for a large amount of money. Howard wondered who would want that in their house.
Robin read about the Jackson family going on Larry King Live and talking about their brother and their family. They had some audio from the show where they were talking about how they feel they should have an investigation not the what happened to Michael.
Robin read that Lenny Kravitz has come out to say that he's not replacing Steven Tyler in Aerosmith like some rumors are saying. Tyler is apparently taking some time off from the band and people are talking about who might replace him. Howard said maybe Gary could replace him. He did an impression of Scott Greenstein asking Gary to replace him.
Robin read that they're talking about doing a movie version of ''Entourage.'' Howard said he had a replacement for Steven Tyler and played some audio of Ed Torian singing ''Can a nigga get a table dance...''
Robin read some movie news and had some audio clips to play. She had some audio of a few actors talking about the movies they're in. Howard would play a few seconds and cut them off. They got stuck on a Morgan Freeman quote about someone having a ''quietude.'' Howard goofed on that for a short time.
Robin had a few other clips that she had Howard play before she wrapped up her news. Howard ended the show around 10:55am.
Jon said that Lisa bet Howard $100 that 50 would know what Roll Call was. Jon played a clip of the show where 50 was asked if he knew what it was. Howard had to explain it to him since 50 had no idea what it was.
After playing the clip Jon and Gary said that they got a big laugh when Lisa said ''That's hip hop for ya...'' Gary said that 50 Cent didn't get it and he didn't know what it was. Gary said that 50 Cent obviously didn't know if he wanted to do the Roll Call because he had no idea what they were throwing at him.
Jon said that 50 went up to Lisa later on and apologized for the whole thing. Jon said he felt bad for her because she was looking forward to him doing it. Gary said that Snoop Dogg is coming in next week so she'll hope to make up for it next week.
Benjy said they could look it up to see how big they were back then. Gary said they did look up some ratings and they did have okay ratings but he's not sure if they were still big when they were dumped. Gary said that the only shows on their radar at the time were Z-100 and shows that were close to them in the ratings.
Gary said that Ed and Dre went on to do some other radio show but Lisa apparently stayed here. Jon said that Lisa was busy with her deadline so she couldn't come in there. Benjy wanted to know more about their ratings but Lisa was nowhere to be found.
Jon said that 50 Cent talked about how he feels the need to carry $25,000 in cash on him and it's kind of a pride thing. 50 also talked about the expensive watch he wears and Howard said he would never do that. Jon asked if Howard was saying that 50 is disrespecting money or something. Gary said he's not sure that's what it was about. He said that 50 does seem to respect the value of a dollar. Jon also talked about the crazy money that Howard was talking about them doing in his apartment.
Gary said that Howard was irritated today too and he's not sure if he was serious or not. He said that he was upset today and today he didn't feel like re-signing with SIRIUS.
Cyrus asked if the channels would continue if Howard left. Gary said he's not sure but he doesn't think they would.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that Howard wasn't going to sign on again to keep Artie from doing the show. Gary said he took that as Howard trying to help Artie by not coming back. Jon said he thought he heard Artie say that he would stay there. It was all kind of cloudy.
Jon said all of this turned out to be Gary's fault somehow. Gary said he's not sure what he did but he tried to play along with it.
Ralph called in and said that he heard that Geektime was going to replace Howard's show. He said they're actually doing a new one this weekend from 2-4 on Saturday.
Ralph said that he knew about the Roll Call thing from the Ed, Lisa and Dre show because they were a pretty big thing at the time. He said he had heard of it and he had never even listened to the station. Gary said he knew they existed but not about the Roll Call thing. Ralph said he was familiar with it and knew what it was when they were goofing on it.
The guys were talking about how Lisa was claiming that the whole Roll Call thing was very big and her fans were asking to hear it. Ralph and Steve Brandano were saying that she wasn't pushing it that hard but Gary insisted that she was. Gary said she was making it out to sound like she had tons of requests for that clip she put on her web site.
Gary told Stanley that what Lisa thought was that 50 was going to say that he knew about the Roll Call thing. Benjy asked Stanley when it was popular. Lisa said it was in 1996 or so. Benjy asked if they think that urban kids out there would know what it was if they asked some people who are about 32 years old. Ralph said he even knew about it and he never listened to the station.
Jon said that Ralph is just one guy and they can't go by what he's saying. Gary said that they're not saying no one knew about the Roll Call. They're saying that maybe it's more popular to Lisa than it really was. She thinks that it's known by everyone and it's not. Stanley said that he was surprised that 50 Cent didn't know what it was. Stanley said he would have bet with Lisa that he would have known it.
Gary said that Lisa can't believe that rap artist doesn't know the Roll Call and that's what Howard was giving her a hard time. Lisa refuses to believe that a rap artist wouldn't know about it. Stanley said that if Jay-Z was up there even he would know about it. He said that they were the only ones playing hip hop at the time and anyone who was into that was listening to them in the area.
Gary asked Lisa why she didn't go to L.A. with Ed and Dre. Lisa said they were very New York centric and she didn't want to uproot everything to move out there for a ''maybe'' without a contract. She said that they moved out there and the station flipped formats in 2 months or so. they had to be off the air for a year after that. Lisa said she went to WOR while Ed and Dre were out there. She went to Power 105 with them after they came back. She said they did the Roll Call thing there too but only for a short time. It just wasn't the same thing there.
Jon asked Lisa if she ever regretted not going out to L.A. She said she didn't regret it at all. Lisa said she's very proud of what they did back then and she can walk with her head held high. Jon thanked Lisa G and T for coming in and let them go. He also let Ralph go since he was still on the phone.
Jon asked the guys if they thought that it was odd that Lisa had to have Stanley come in and plead her case. Gary said that it didn't change his opinion on the whole thing. He said that to a particular demographic they were big. He said that they were playing that station in ever Lemon Tree hair cutting place in the tri-state area too so they did fine.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they should put Lisa on an urban station and show how popular she really is. Gary said that he's not bashing her, it's Howard who is doing that. Gary said that Stanley is also just one guy so they can't go by what one guy says.
Another caller asked Gary why Howard is reaming his ass the past couple of days. Gary said that they have peaks and valleys there. He said sometimes he gets a vibe that he's annoying Howard. He said that it comes and goes. He said that Howard can be annoyed and if he's there, he's going to go off on him.
A caller said that he never knew that Lisa was the same Lisa that was on the Ed and Dre show. He said that he didn't even know she was on that show at the time. Gary asked if it was an equal partnership or was she just doing news. Jon said that he wasn't a listener growing up so he can't comment on that. Jon said that he thought it was Ed and Dre with Lisa coming in here and there. He said she says she was a co-host though so he's not sure. The caller said that he doesn't remember Lisa being on that much.
Another caller said that he wants to defend Lisa even though he hates her. He said that Lisa never said that her show was as big as Howard's show. Gary said she's acting like it was but he knows she never said that. Gary said that she's making it sound like it was bigger than it was. The caller said that Hot 97 was huge. Gary said that's the same conversation they were having with Lisa.
Another guy said that he listened to Ed, Lisa and Dre when he was in college. He said he'd change over to their show at 7:20 to hear the Roll Call thing and Lisa was a big deal on the show at the time. The guy said that the show was very widely listened to at the time and it was a big deal. He said he used to switch between Howard's show and the Hot 97 stuff. They had to go to break a short time later.
Benjy said Will is trying to change his image too. He said that he's trying to get away from the porn stuff and change his image. Jon asked if it's the farting too. Benjy said he thinks he wants to make the farting the main gimmick.
Gary said that it sounds like Will's in-laws had done some research on him and didn't like that he had been lying to them. Jon said that if they went on his web site they may have found some stuff that they didn't like.
Jon had Teddy play a clip of Will playing ''Let it Snow'' through his ass with Robin singing along. After the clip Gary said that Robin was singing and Will was just accompanying her.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thought Will was kind of disgusting. He said yesterday was queefing and today was farting. He said he's not into that stuff. He said it was gross with him talking about him shitting his pants for 15 years. Benjy said that had to have been tough for him growing up. Benjy said that he thought Will was saying that he'd be punished for shitting his pants too. He said that's really sad.
Benjy said he thinks that Howard does want them to do well after the show. He said he thinks that he would get a kick out of it if they were successful.
Jon asked if anyone would stick around and do a show there. Gary said he doesn't think that they would. He said he would stick around to do something there at SIRIUS but not replace Howard. He said that you can't market a show as replacing Howard Stern and get away with it. Benjy said he thinks with the right dollar amount they could hire someone. Gary said that they're not going to offer them a huge amount of money to do that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said if Howard quit he would be devastated. The guy said that they should come down and do a show in New Orleans during Mardi Gras. He thinks that they could do a good show down there. Gary said they did a show down there one time but they might not be able to talk to naked, drunk chicks and guys that much down there.
The guy also asked Gary if they have any internships for him up there. He said he's doing an MBA down there in New Orleans. Gary said that he'd have to check with his school to see if he'd get credits for that. Jon ended up giving the caller a Sonos S5 as a prize. The guy sounded thrilled with the win too.
Benjy asked the caller if he had moved there from Cuba. He said his parents did. He said that he used to listen to another station down there in Miami that did a Roll Call thing like Lisa G's Roll Call. He said it must not have been copyrighted because everyone started doing it down there.
Another caller said he thinks that Howard would feel that his show was cheapened if they were successful after he retires. The guy said that Howard might feel it was taking away from his show if they were to have success. It's always about Howard and he's not sure if he would admit it or not. Jon asked the caller about what he was saying and if he means that Howard would be upset with Gary for having success if he went on a daily TV talk show and produced that. The caller said he thinks he would be upset.
Benjy said that Dan Forman and Mark Cronin worked with Howard and he's always very complimentary of their work. They also said that one of the guys who created Modern Family is another one who worked with Howard and he's got a big success on his hands.
JD came in and said that he thinks Howard wants them to succeed. He said he only wants people he hates not to succeed. Gary said that he agrees with that and said that if he quit tomorrow and went off to do his own thing then maybe Howard wouldn't want him to succeed.
Jon asked Gary if Howard would be upset if they went on to radio careers. Gary said that's a different story and he doesn't think that they'd do it without Howard's blessing anyway. they spent a few minutes talking about what Howard's reaction might be if they went off to work on other radio shows.
JD said that everyone has advice for him about what he should and shouldn't be using. He said that everyone has an opinion. Jon asked who gave him the best advice. JD said the doctor he saw yesterday. Jon asked who there gave him the best advice.
Jon asked who was for and against the medication. JD said that a lot of people in the email and on Facebook told him not to take anything. He said Jason was telling him it was fine. He said there are others who told him it's fine too. He said he can't even think straight about who gave him what advice though.
The guys asked JD some more questions and found out that he seems to be feeling better and he's taking it one day at a time until he can get all of this stuff in the back of his head instead of in the forefront. Jon had to end the show after that.
Howard started the show talking about the busy show they had today. He said they have a contest called the Saddest Virgin contest. He said they have a couple of virgins coming in to talk about their horror stories and they're going to be playing to win a trip to the AVN awards. Howard said that they have Paul Fishbein coming in with a porn star who is very hot looking. He spent a minute talking about her.
Howard said the porn star's name is Kayden Kross and he had some clips of her to play. He played one where she was screaming out during sex. They listened to a couple of minutes of that.
Howard said he would be so turned on if he could make a woman sound like that. He said if he hears a tiny squeak out of a woman he goes crazy. Howard asked Robin if she goes that nuts when she's having sex. Robin said she's not like that.
Howard said Sal found a clip of a guy getting his ass licked. He played that clip next. The guy was talking about the woman licking his ass and saying that she was wiping his ass with his tongue. Sal came in and said that he had found a new web site with all of this porn on it. He said that it's good stuff. Howard told him that he's disgusting when he told him about how much he likes that kind of stuff.
Sal said after the guy gets his ass licked he made a woman lick the rim of the toilet after he pissed in it. He said that was even too much for him.
Howard said he loves Chuck Zito. He said that guy talks about everything and he's one of the last real men around. He had some audio of Chuck from his show on Monday night. In the clip Chuck talked about going to Scores and another club called Sapphires. Howard said Chuck has the life.
Chuck was talking about a 20 year old in the club that had a great bubble ass, real tits and from Florida. Chuck was talking about wanting to take this chick home with him. He did. Chuck said she started jerking him off in the car and blowing him over the console. Chuck said the car kept going into neutral. Chuck said he had to stop her so he could hold off on finishing. Chuck said they went into his place and took a bath and stuff like that. Chuck said they were doing everything. Chuck told his co-host about the chick playing with his ass and how good that was. He said if that's gay then he's gay. Chuck talked about how worth it that was to have the chick over.
Howard said that story is great but he doesn't get jealous. He said he wouldn't want his asshole licked because he'd feel so bad for the chick. Howard said there's a tuft of hair back there and he wouldn't want the chick smelling anything there.
Sal said that he's had some ass juice on his balls before. Howard said he's never had that. Sal said everyone has had that.
Howard asked if they had ever played this clip of Sal watching piss videos. Sal said he thinks they have. Howard played the clip that Richard had recorded secretly in their office while Sal was talking about those piss videos. Howard said Sal is in an area that he doesn't understand. He said he thinks it's a hostile thing. He said he'd never piss on a chick or even want to see that.
Howard thanked Sal for coming in and let him go after he said that he had found some girls before his wife that were willing to do some of that stuff.
JD said that when Sal watches that porn he smokes that fake cigarette of his. Howard said that JD was looking better this morning. JD said it's weird when he's waking up and getting on the train but once he's there he's okay.
JD said that he's on half a Zoloft pill and also on Xanax. Howard asked if he feels high. JD said he feels normal. Howard said he looks a little high but as long as he's happy...
Robin got back to the Underdog Lady thing and said that she heard that she wanted to talk to the Catholic channel because kids are being lied to about Santa.
Gary said he heard that Underdog Lady had to have a lot of her intestines removed and it's all linked to her cat bite she had months and months ago.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked where Artie is. Howard said he didn't want to get into that but he's not there today. He said he didn't want to explain it. He said he didn't want to be cryptic either but he wasn't going to talk about where he was. Howard said he knows where he is and he's fine. Howard said he's going to wait until Artie returns so he can talk about it. Howard said he's not sure what to do or what to say.
Howard said Artie is fine and he doesn't want to give anyone any concerns. Howard saying he didn't know what to do or what to say led to Fred playing a song that Jackie the Joke Man had out with that same line. They listened to that and goofed on Jackie for a short time.
Howard said there is no big story there with Artie. He said he'd just rather let him talk about it himself. Howard said he doesn't think the guy is back on heroin or anything. He said he doesn't know that much about drugs but he doesn't think the guy is back on it. Howard said he loves Artie to death and he hopes he's okay and fine. Howard joked that Artie had been asked to go on a CIA mission to Guatemala.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked if this was Artie being disrespectful. Howard said it's not like that and they'll talk about it on Monday. Howard said that he's not being disrespectful. Mariann said that she'll call in on Monday then.
Howard said Artie is not being disrespectful. Fred kept playing the Artie wheezing sound effects while they were talking about that.
Howard said Tiger tries to get sexual with all of the responses he has. Howard said the woman would write something and Tiger would turn it sexual. In one text he talked about how he was going to ''wear her out'' and another one where he was asking her to send pictures and stuff.
Howard said Tiger tells these girls that they're the only ones and they really don't even want to hear that. Robin said he's trying to have that girlfriend experience so that's why he tells them that.
Howard read more of the texts and said that his wife is really going to be upset about some of this stuff because Tiger was talking about how some of these chicks were the only ones who have ever made him happy. Howard said he likes how they've saved all of his texts too.
Howard said Tiger was pretty careful and he has to give that to him. He had a wing man who used to help him out. Robin said that there are people coming out and saying that they were helping Tiger and that was wrong.
Howard said Tiger was changing his number when the girls would call too much. He said that he should have just gotten a divorce. Robin said that it must have been a rush for him to do all of this stuff behind his wife's back. That's why he kept it going. Howard said he would never write anything down if he was doing something like this. He said everyone is taking too much of a risk there.
Howard was going through more of the stuff he had about tiger when JD came in and said he had a clip from TMZ where they had some porn star talking about doing Tiger Woods. Howard played that clip where the porn star was doing an interview and revealed that she had been with Tiger. She gave some details about that and said that Tiger was very good. That clip was from May of this year. She somehow flew under the radar with that revelation.
Howard got back to the story about this Jaime Grubbs girl and how Tiger was telling her that she was going to be his first and last. He seemed to want to keep this going for a long time.
Benjy read some of the Jaime texts where she was telling Tiger how great he was and how she talks too much and things like that. Then Tiger responds saying that she had him wrong and he's actually ''Bone thugs and harmony.'' Howard said he didn't understand a lot of this stuff.
Howard said Tiger was talking to one of the girls like a chick. He was upset that she was only after him for being famous. Howard said he is a douche. He read through more of the texts and found that he was telling these girls about his wife and what she was up to. Howard said that Tiger refers to his race a lot in the texts too. Howard said the guy is all hung up on that stuff. Robin said that all of the chicks are into him because of who he is. She said it's all about his fame and money.
Howard said he loves all of this stuff. He said women are all upset about it though. Howard said the athletes that can't get endorsements must be really pissed at him. Howard said there are guys who can't get any endorsements who have to do local ads for car dealers and stuff who must hate this kind of thing. He said there was some kind of tailor ad that football players used to do and those were the worst. He said he can't imagine that they got paid well to do that stuff. Gary said he heard that they got paid in clothing.
King said he didn't want to shit on anyone but he was going to talk about Gary. He said that Gary is very loyal to him but he said something on the Wrap Up Show. He said that Gary was talking about Howard getting annoyed and how he takes it out on him. He said that it might not even be him that's annoying him. Howard said he heard that clip and it actually is Gary that annoys him. He said that he has to correct Gary and he's trying to help him become perfect. Gary said it's been 25 years and it's not working yet.
King said that Gary will never admit that it's his fault. Gary said that's not true either. He said he has admitted he was wrong about stuff.
king was also talking about Tiger Woods and how happy he is that all of this is happening. He said that the guy is always so perfect and now it's all coming down on him. Howard said he likes it too. He said that everyone is complaining about him talking about sex on the air while this kind of stuff is going on out there. Howard said that everyone is up to shenanigans and they don't have anything on him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it appears that everyone on the show is putting on weight. Robin said a bunch of them have lost weight lately. They talked about how Jason has put on some pounds. Howard said Artie seems to have put on some pounds too. JD has gotten kind of chubby too. Robin said that JD actually slimmed down from not eating lately.
Howard said that some of the other guys have put on some pounds too. He said that Brian Phelan and even Tim Sabean have put on a few. Howard asked Robin if she thinks Tim has done that. Robin said he may have put on a few. Howard said he saw Tim wearing these jeans where it looked like he had sausage in his pants. He said the jeans were too tight and realized that they were his skinny pants and he was still trying to squeeze into them.
Tim came in and said that he did put on about 10 pounds but it will come off. He said that he bought clothes when he lost his weight and he threw everything else out. He said that everyone looks at his crotch now that he has the tight pants. Howard asked if it was Thanksgiving that did it. Tim said that was it.
Howard said Tim looks like the Hulk in mid-change. He said his clothes are about to burst. Tim said he had to go back to work. Howard asked what he does back there. Tim said they're working on stuff for 2010 and for the upcoming break.
The caller asked if he had any money to give away because he has a lot of bills to pay. He had surgery recently so he has a lot of bills. Howard said today was the wrong day to ask because they didn't have anything. The guy said that he had a lot of problems and he owes quite a bit. Howard asked why the health care programs don't cover all of that stuff. He said insurance is messed up if they don't cover that stuff for a college student.
Howard said he always ends up with shitty insurance too. He said he always pays his bills with cash. The caller said that his bills were like $39,000 and all of it was covered except for about 10,000. Gary said that they usually cover 80 percent and the deductible. Howard said that when he was in college he didn't have any money so he wondered how that insurance is good. The caller said that he has a lot of bills coming in every week and none of this stuff is covered. Howard said he doesn't get that. The caller said he doesn't have the money to pay his bills so it's out of control.
Howard said he can just write a check but this guy on the phone can't afford it. That's fucked up. Robin said that she had her broken wrist and she had to pay the bills too.
Gary came in and said that they did have a game to play if he wanted. Howard said he would do that for $500 from Steven Singer Jewelers. Howard said they gave Big Foot a word and he has to say the word back. Howard told him he'd give him 5 to guess at. Howard said they asked Big Foot to say California. He was able to say that one and the caller guessed right. The next word was Wisconsin. Big Foot wasn't able to say the word correctly. The caller guessed correctly. Next up was Cavalry. The caller said no to that. Big Foot had no problem with that one. Next up was Circumference. The caller said no way. He was right, Big Foot wasn't able to say it. The caller got 3 right so he won the $500.
Howard played some more of the Big Foot stuff. He had him saying Espresso, Disingenuous, Exhibition, Entrepreneur, Governor, Molestation and Hemorrhoids. Big Foot had some trouble with a couple of those words. He had a lot of trouble with Entrepreneur and Molestation. Howard said he had to go to break after that.
Howard said that there's too much analysis about the show. He said it should be about just hanging out and having a good time. Howard said that everyone is so angry. Robin said she was shocked at how many people were pissed that they had them on when she listened to the Wrap Up Show.
Howard said when the girls left he thought it had gone very well. He thought the audience was going to dig it. He went on to read some email about them. He read one where a guy said he had to tune out. Howard said there was another guy who said they had taken a step toward jumping the shark. Howard said he thought he had already done that from what he's heard from other people over the years. He said he thought he jumped the shark back in the channel 9 show days.
Howard read some more of the negative emails and then read one where a guy said the interview kicked ass and the girls were terrific. Howard said he doesn't know. He said he would have them on again though. He said it's all about what he's interested in so that's that.
Howard said that he will have them on again in the future and he bets that their show will be the most watched on Howard TV. Howard read more of the negative feedback where people vented their anger about the Kardashians being on the show. Robin said they never got to find out how the sex tape was made. Howard said there were a lot of things he could have asked that he didn't get to. Howard said he wants them back so he can ask them about all of that stuff. Howard said he wants to ask about how much they get paid by E! and how they split it.
Howard said he's going to do whatever he wants over this next year and by the end of it the fans won't have a problem canceling their service.
Howard said he's getting mail about Jackie too. He said that he's having a meeting with Jackie soon and he thinks he's going to be asking for more air time. Howard said Jackie could have had that air time if he had just stuck with the show. He said that Jackie is trying to go over Tim's head by going to lunch with him.
Howard read some email about the Jackie thing and someone suggested they give Jackie time before Howard's show in the morning. He said Jackie used to complain about the hours he worked so that would be a way to teach him a lesson.
Howard read an email about the email he read about Robin going to Guatemala and getting murdered. The writer thought it was very funny.
Howard got some feedback about the $9,000 quote that he got to hang a TV on his wall. There were a bunch of people telling him that it was outrageous to ask that kind of money. One guy said that it should be around $2,500. Howard said that the glass in his shower was going to cost him $50,000. He said he just saved himself $59,000 because he's not getting any of that work done.
Howard read an email from a guy who said he had a TV hung on his wall for $1,200. The guy said that Best Buy charges $400 to do all of that stuff. The writer said his people must think he's a sucker or something.
Howard said that the shower is his fault too. He said he knows he said that he didn't want clear glass but they gave him clear glass. He said he had two meetings about that and it still came out to be clear glass.
Howard said the fans were upset about him saying he's leaving the air after next year. Howard read some of that feedback. One guy said that he can't listen to Gary doing a radio show so he'll definitely cancel if they give him one. Howard said he appreciates the feedback and they'll have to see what happens.
Howard read some email about Sarah Palin because Robin had read a story about her approval ratings being up. The caller figured that was a Republican Party poll that was done. Robin said she thought it was CNN that did the poll.
Lisa was in for her news preview. She said that Dr. Dre is still on the air doing stuff. Howard thought that hey were all off the air at this point. Lisa said that Howard is the only one who survived. She said that Howard has had an amazing career all these years and her hat is off to him. Howard said that John Gambling was on the air forever. He said Imus is like a cockroach and he's still a survivor. Howard said no one can stand Imus but he has a little following that keeps with him. Howard said it's pretty amazing. That led to Howard talking about how old Imus is looking these days. Howard said that he's seen him walking down the street and looking like a cowboy. Howard said the guy can barely walk now though.
Howard said he's not sure when Imus became a cowboy but he didn't dress like that back when they were at NBC. Howard said that he tried to get TV shows and stuff and he just didn't do well. He goofed on Imus for a few minutes about all of that stuff. He said he had this fake persona he put on and he didn't have any substance when he did his radio show. Howard said it was horrible radio.
Howard said Imus stole things from his show after he heard them. He said Imus had nothing goofing on when he started there at NBC. He said once Imus heard him he started doing the stuff he was doing.
Howard talked about his days at WNBC and what Pig Virus used to tell them about how to do their show. Howard said they thought he didn't know what he was doing on the air and they tried to change him.
Lisa G got to her news preview and said they spoke to a doctor there at SIRIUS who gave them some details of Klonopin and what that does for people. She said that Artie has admitted to have taken it so that's why they asked about hat.
Lisa said that Joey Boots is out of rehab and feeling strong. She said they spoke to him and he's got a long term care program working for him. She said that he has gotten a new phone number and got rid of all of the old, bad numbers he had.
Howard let Lisa go after that and said that he thinks that Roll Call is going to die off because of the email. Lisa said that she was going to donate her $100 to the North Shore Animal League since she lost the bet yesterday. Lisa said she was shocked when 50 Cent didn't know how to rap during that Roll Call yesterday. Howard told Lisa he doesn't want her giving his $100 to charity either. He said that you don't bet with someone and then give it to charity.
Howard said he'd like to be in the prep session with Tiger before he goes on Oprah. He said he'd tell him to just finish himself off.
Howard said he heard that Paul Shaffer didn't want to talk about Dave but he wouldn't have even asked him about that. Howard said they read that Paul was supposed to be in the Blues Brothers movie but John Belushi kicked him out because he was working on something with Gilda Radner at the same time. Howard said Paul has a big history with a lot of people and the book was really good according to Gary.
Gary talked about how Paul was on Second City and SNL. He was also a co-writer of ''It's Raining Men.'' Howard said it's sad that Paul can't come on the show because of the whole Dave thing. Gary said he's not sure why he's not coming on. Howard said he feels like he knows him after doing Letterman so much.
Gary said he listened to the audio version of Paul's book. Gary told Howard some stories from the book and said it's really good. They spent a little more time on that and then had to go to break before doing the Saddest Virgin contest. Howard said they have the kid who has the moles all over his body coming in for that. Howard said that guy has to win. He said he can't imagine what the other two guys are going to be like. Howard said that this Kayden Kross porn chick is hot. He said she's even hotter than Tiger's wife. That led to them talking about Tiger for a couple of minutes. Howard said if he were Tiger he'd just get out of that house and leave his wife. The guy can't possibly be getting laid now. Gary said that he's wondering how long it would be before he'd get laid again. He figured it would be 6 months or maybe even a year.
They talked about Tiger asking a chick to lick his ass and Howard said he knew a guy who used to go for anal first when he'd date. Howard said that's kind of weird. He wondered what that's about. Gary said he agrees with him on that one. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Paul Fishbein and Kayden Kross come in. Paul is from Adult Video News and Kayden is a porn actress. Robin said she looks like someone famous. Howard said she looks like Kayden and she's hot. Howard said he was on her web site and she looks really good. Howard said she doesn't even need to do porn. Kayden said she enjoys it.
Howard asked what kind of money she has been offered to have sex with a guy. She said that she doesn't let it get that far. She said that she'll just delete the email if they ask her something like that.
Howard said that Paul is in the porn business and he rates movies and stuff. Paul said they do a lot more than that. Paul is also married with kids. Howard said he lives a double life.
Howard said that years ago a woman wanted to make love to Jenna Jameson and they wanted him to watch. Paul said that wife number 3 doesn't care about what happened before her. He said that everything is fair game now so he guesses a book is coming.
Paul said that about 12 years ago Kiley Ireland was friends with Jenna and said to him that she wanted to fuck Jenna and she wanted him to watch. Paul said ''Uh, okay...'' and they went up to the room to do this. They were looking for Julie Ashton to go up there too. Paul said he went up to the room and the girls were doing their thing. He said it was candle lit in the room and he kind of knew the girls. He said he saw Kiley looking over at him while he was fully dressed and not doing anything. Paul said he was a geek and had no idea what to do. Kiley called him over to her but he was frozen with fear. Paul said she had to ask him what was wrong with him. Paul said that he didn't feel welcome. Jenna later thanked him for watching because that was hot.
Howard said he'd imagine it would be kind of intimidating. Paul said that he's not afraid of the penis size or anything but he thought he might be compromising his integrity by doing something. Paul said that the girls he knows in the business are very cool and keep their mouths shut.
Paul said that Kiley didn't know what was wrong with him. He said he hasn't spoken to Jenna lately. He said she was mad at him for something he posted about her twins being born. Paul said Jenna instant messaged him one day out of nowhere and she was giggling and was okay with the story. He said he likes Jenna but he has problems with her new image that she created the world. Paul said that Jenna came into the business and she was just another girl. He said Wicked pictures picked her up and made her a star. She thinks that it was her man Jay who made her the start and not the people at Wicked. Paul said Jenna takes a lot of the credit for how big she became when it was actually Wicked and her ex-husband Jay. Paul said she was the nicest and sweetest person when she was with Jay back then.
Howard asked Kayden if she wants to be like Jenna. Kayden said of course she does. Howard asked who is the biggest person in porn right now. She said that there are a couple. Paul said he thinks that Kayden can be like Jenna. He said that she's one of the top girls in the business and she can make money doing it and she can get up to the top like Jenna did.
Howard read that Kayden was a waitress before this. She said she was 17 back then. She said that she's doing about 8-10 videos a year now and that's 2 or 3 scenes per video. Kayden said that she loves the business. She said she has orgasms every time too. Howard said maybe Robin would enjoy it. Robin wasn't interested. Paul said Robin looks younger every year. Howard said he gets older and Robin gets younger.
Howard asked Kayden if this was her dream to be a porn star. She said she never even knew about it because she grew up in a very religious family. Howard said that religion sure seems to push a lot of people into porn.
Howard asked Kayden if she does anal. Kayden said that she doesn't do anal right now but she has done it in the past. She said that there's such a ritual about doing it and it scared her. She said she thought she could just do anal sex. Howard said that you don't want to do anal and have a guy pull out a plumb.
Howard said they were going to do this contest today and the virgins are going to be playing for the chance to win a trip to the AVN awards out in Las Vegas. Howard said they're going to try to find the saddest virgin in this contest.
Howard said he has a sad story himself and he could compete with these guys. Howard said the winner is going to get airfare to Las Vegas and a few nights in a hotel. He said they get to go to the AVN Awards and to an after party.
Howard had the guys bring in the first contestant in his wheelchair. The other two guys came in with him. Howard said that they were doing the World's Saddest Virgin Contest with them and they had Kayden Kross there with Paul to judge the contest. Howard said that only one guy can win.
Howard said they had Alex, Richard and Peter there to compete. Howard asked if they have 3 hotel rooms for these guys. Paul didn't get a chance to answer. Howard asked the guys if they had seen Kayden before. Two of the guys said they had seen her movies.
Howard spoke to Peter first. He had a girlfriend at one time. He's Chinese and he has an odd way of speaking. He has a speech impediment of some sort. Howard told him to speak English and he said he was. Howard said Peter had a girlfriend a few years ago. He never lost his virginity to her though. He said that they kissed but he was never able to feel her breasts. He only got kisses. Peter said he never got anything else. He said he's 24 now and he's still a virgin.
Howard asked Peter if he ever asked to have sex. Peter said he did but she always said no. He said that she wasn't Chinese, she was a white American woman. Howard found out that she was cheating on him. He said he makes good money so she may have been interested in him for that. Peter said he has a job at Lowes home improvement store and he makes $12 an hour.
Howard said that Peter claims that he knows Karate and he was trained by Bruce Lee. Peter said he was trained by his son, not by Bruce. Howard tired to understand what he was talking about but his speech impediment was making it tough. Howard asked if it was Brandon Lee who taught him. Peter said he learned by watching his movies. Howard asked him to show some moves. Peter did some of his Karate moves for them and tried to explain what they were. He was very hard to understand. Howard said he's pretty sure he could kick Peter's ass.
Howard asked Peter if he's a little slow. Peter said he is. Howard said that' no big deal because there are some slow people that work there. He found out that Peter still lives with his parents.
Peter has never even seen a girl's boob before. Howard asked Kayden to show him her's. She got up and showed him. Howard said those things were beautiful. He said that her nipples were hard and they looked perfect. Howard
Howard asked Kayden how tall she was and how much she weighs. She said she's 5'5'' tall and weighs 120. Howard said that's what every woman who is 5'5'' should weigh. Howard asked Peter if his head would explode if he had sex with her. He said it would.
Howard and Robin asked Peter what he does at work and found out he loads and unloads stuff. Howard asked Peter if he knows how to perform sex. Pete said he does so Howard asked him to give some details. Peter tried to explain it but he was just saying penis and vagina. Howard said he seems like a nice young guy and he hopes he can win.
Howard moved on to Alex who is in a wheelchair. Howard said that he's in one of those power chairs. Alex said he has cerebral palsy. He said it's just physical and he has full intelligence. Howard said that he used to work at a CP center when he was in high school. Howard said he ran out of there within 5 minutes. Howard said he tried to play music for a guy and the guy rocked himself right out of the chair he was in.
Alex said that he's never been able to kiss a girl. He said that he's not into CP chicks either. Howard said that just because you have CP doesn't mean you have to be with another CP person. Howard asked if he had use of his legs. Alex said that they're pretty useless. He said his penis is fine though. Howard asked if he can masturbate. He said he can do that once in a while. Howard said that's a nightmare.
Alex said that he can't even put a DVD in to the player to watch porn himself. Howard asked Kayden to show him her vagina since he had never seen one before. She did that for him and Alex thanked her. Howard told her she's a saint. Howard asked Alex if he had ever seen a vagina at all. He said he had seen pictures but not one in person. Howard said that Kayden's was very pretty too. He said it was one of the nicest looking ones he's ever seen.
Howard read that Alex lives up in Canada and he's writing a book. Alex said he's writing about all of the stuff he's been through. Howard said the worst part is that he wants to masturbate but he can't. Howard told Richie Wilson to give him a hand job. Alex said he's not that desperate.
Howard and Robin asked Alex if he can use a computer to watch porn. Howard said the guy can't even use his arms. He said they're pointed in so he can't use them. Howard said that no one can understand what Alex is saying either. He said the poor guy must have a lot of load built up in him. He asked if he ever has a wet dream. Alex said he does. Howard said that's good.
Howard asked Peter if he jerks off a lot. Peter said he doesn't do that. He didn't seem to know what it meant though. Howard asked if he knew what it was. Peter didn't have an answer. Howard said he knew he didn't know. Peter said he did know but he wouldn't say what it was.
Howard moved on to Richard who has been on the show before. He has moles all over his body. Howard asked if that turned Kayden off. She just giggled. Howard said that Artie brought Richard out to Vegas and tried to get him laid but they couldn't even make it happen with a hooker. Richard said Artie went to some high class chicks first and that didn't work. He went to the street hookers and even they wouldn't do it.
Howard said he didn't think Richard looked that bad. Kayden asked if the moles are all over. Richard showed what his body looked like and it was covered in moles. Howard asked if he's ever kissed a girl. Richard said he's had nothing. He hasn't even been able to kiss a girl. Howard said that Peter is looking pretty good at this point. He had a girl who kissed him.
Howard said Richard has hair covering his body as well as the moles. The moles grew hair. Howard said Richard wants to get laid and he'd love to go to the AVN awards. Howard said that they have to understand Richard's affliction. He asked if they're dangerous. Richard said they are not dangerous. He said that some women may be curious about what he has and they're just moles. Howard read that he asks girls out but they all reject him. He only has friends.
Howard said that one girl turned Richard down saying she had to stay home to wash her hair. Richard said that she was bald too.
Richard said that he's ready to bang. Howard had Kayden show the guys her ass since they were just seeing some of this stuff for the first time. She showed her ass and then showed her vagina again. The guys were all loving it. Richard said he just came in his pants. Howard said that most porn stars don't look this good. Howard asked if she has a boyfriend. She said she's just doing porn right now.
Howard said that Richard has a job as a security guard. He also goes to school. Howard said that the moles aren't still growing either.
Howard said that he's having a tough time picking a winner. He went over the guy's stories again and said he was having a tough time with this. He asked the guys why they wanted to go to the AVN Awards and things like that. They went through the three guys once again and did their final questioning.
Howard told everyone that it was time to vote. He said he loved all three of the guys. Howard said he wouldn't be able to spend a lot of time with them but he did enjoy speaking to them today. Howard said it's going to be very difficult to pick a winner.
Howard found out that Kayden is going to be doing a Tiger Woods spoof soon. She said that they're writing the script as all of this stuff is going on. Howard asked if she has done Tiger in real life. She said she hasn't. Howard said she might be the only one.
Howard played some of Kayden's porn movie that he played earlier in the morning. Howard said that she's very loud when she's having sex. She said that she has been told that she sounds like she's being killed.
Howard asked Robin what her vote was going to be. Robin said that they were all great but she has to go with Alex. Howard asked Paul how he was going to vote. Paul said that Peter and Richard didn't look so bad. He said that they should be able to get girls. He said he's feeling for Alex too so he's giving him his vote. Howard said that Peter doesn't think he can get girls like Paul thinks.
Howard asked Kayden who she would have sex with. Kayden said that she would probably go with Richard. Howard said that was just who she would have sex with. Howard then asked her who she would vote for. Kayden said that she thinks that she has to vote for Alex. She said that Peter is watching porn even if he's not jerking off to it. She said Richard has been to Vegas before too.
Howard said that he and Fred had votes but it sounds like Alex has already won. Fred said he thinks that Richard has to go to a fetish hooker dressed as a Ninja and he'll get laid. Howard said he would like to give them all a trip out there but Alex was the winner. Howard said he's going to give the other guys $500 cash thanks to the Trojan Vibrating Mini. Howard told Alex about his trip and gave some more plugs for the web sites he mentioned earlier.
Howard gave some plugs to Steven Singer Jewelers too because they flew everyone in. Howard said you can find out more about Kayden at AdamandEve.com.
Will said that he wanted to see a Sybian ride. Howard asked the guys if they wanted to ride it. They didn't want to do that but Kayden was willing to take it for a ride. The guys all wanted to see that. Howard had the guys set it up and sent Kayden over there to take it for a ride.
Paul said that Kayden is a great girl and he picked the right one to come there today. Howard asked if they could have Alex control the Sybian with his mouth. Gary didn't want to do that.
Kayden said that she has ridden the Sybian before and it was so intense that she didn't have sex for 3 days after. Howard had Kayden get on the Sybian and had Gary in charge of the controls. Gary started her out with a low setting and she was already getting off. She was moaning and screaming within seconds. Gary hadn't even turned up the power that much. She was finished within 30 seconds or less. Howard said she was shaking after that.
Howard asked Peter what he thought. Peter said that was ''super.'' Richard said that she had a nice ass. Alex said it was unbelievable. Howard said these guys are going to beat off to this for the next 10 years.
Howard told Peter that she was now pregnant. Peter said he didn't think so. Robin said he's not that slow. Howard said that Kayden looked great and she should win Best Performance of the Year. Howard told Paul to fix it so she wins. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had the guys bring in Dave Attell who had been waiting there for a while. Robin said Dave looked depressed waiting out there. Howard said he always has that look. He said Dave doesn't care that he didn't get to see the Sybian ride. Dave said he looks forward to coming on every year and a parade of freaks walks through. He asked if that was a Twilight New Moon convention. Howard said he went to see that movie. He said he had to go with his 16 year old daughter. He said that he got an invitation and brought her. He said the movie was horrible though.
Dave said that the women in this country have to go with mythical men instead of real men. Dave said that men don't have to do that. He asked Howard if he ever sits at home masturbating to a mermaid. Howard said he hasn't done that.
Howard said that he liked the first Twilight movie. Dave said he's not that gay. He said he can't watch that stuff. He said he would swallow a man and do a tea bag but not watch those movies. Howard said that he watches a lot of gay TV and movies. He said he likes anything vampire related. Howard said that he likes that new vampire TV show and American Idol. He used to watch Felicity too. Howard said he thought that Adam Lambert thing the other day was a little too much though.
Howard asked Dave what kind of material he's doing about Tiger. Dave said he had someone tell him that if he could link tiger to a woman of color he'd give him a million bucks. Howard said that Tiger does seem to be doing white women only. That got Rush Limbaugh's attention too and he was pointing out that he's embarrassing the black community.
Dave said that he's supposed to be the co-host of the AVN awards and he's not sure why they didn't mention that earlier. He said he thought he could have the chance to gel with her in there but he wasn't invited. Howard said that she was hot too. Dave said that she was very hot and she could be with Tiger Woods based on that.
Howard and Dave talked about Tiger Woods and his Gatorade sponsorship. Dave said that's not even a real drink so you know you're in trouble if they drop you. He said they should keep him on because that's what you need to drink after a good work out having sex.
Howard wondered how Tiger should handle the whole thing when he goes on Oprah. They spent a short time talking about what they think he should do.
Dave said that he saw Artie out on Halloween and he was looking really happy with his young girlfriend. He said he looked really happy about that. Dave said he still hasn't been able to find a girl like that. Dave said he's kind or surprised that he hasn't been able to find a girl while Artie, with all of his problems, has.
Howard said he was thinking more about the Tiger Woods thing and how maybe he should go on and fuck Oprah to get in with the black community. Dave said that would be a good finale show for Oprah. They talked about Oprah retiring too and how she may go to her own network. Howard said Oprah is kind of shady. He said that she took $50 million from XM and she never mentions it at all. He said she takes the money and runs. Howard said he heard that Oprah's ratings were going down and the affiliates wanted her to improve them. Oprah knows it's the time to leave and that's why she's getting out now.
Dave said that Howard is right about that and Oprah having that woman with her face bitten off by a chimp was Oprah jumping the shark. Dave said that when he brings that up in the clubs people start to groan. He said that they all freak out if he even brings up the story.
Dave said he thinks that the AVN Awards are going to be a lot of fun. He said that a lot of cool guys have done the show so he feels like he's in the zone. He said he's never done it before. Howard thought he had. Dave said that he hasn't done it but he's looking forward to it.
Howard said that Dave is going to be at Caroline's later this month. He gave him a plug for that.
Dave talked about going out on tour doing comedy shows for the troops. Dave said that he's not sure how he's going to fit into the tour because it's kind of a family type thing. Howard said that the troops want to see naked chicks so someone like Kayden Kross should go. Dave asked if she's related to David Cross. Howard said he was pretty sure she spelled her name with a K. Dave said that must be like a burning cross in your front yard kind of cross.
Dave and Howard talked more about Tiger Woods and the girls he's been with. Howard said that David Letterman must be thrilled that he's out of the headlines now that Tiger is being exposed.
Howard asked Dave about this Barbara Walters interview with Lady Gaga. Dave said he loves that Lady Gaga has a nice rack. He said that if she didn't have a rack then maybe they wouldn't be so gaga over her. Howard asked Dave if he would bow to the Queen in England like Lady Gaga did. Dave said he wouldn't do it. Howard said he wouldn't to it either. Dave asked if he would bow and then kick her right in the face and say he thought it was a karate thing.
Howard said he was asked to be part of Barbara Walters special a few years ago. He said that he would do an interview with her one on one but not in a special like that. Howard said he feels that he's the most fascinating person and he should be the only one in the interview. Dave laughed but said he was just breathing with a wheeze.
Dave said that Barbara Walters has balls doing what she does. She interviews people to make them cry and she demands meals and won't leave until she gets what she wants.
Dave asked Howard if he would ever put out a magazine like Oprah did. Howard said he was offered the chance to do that once. He said that he wanted to do a National Lampoon type of thing. He said he was going to do it but thought about it and figured that it might not live up to his expectations. He said he didn't think that he would be able to concentrate on both things and make them both great. Howard said that's where he and Oprah are different. He said that Oprah will do anything. He said that's why he closed his production company. He said he owes all of his attention to his fans on the radio show. Dave said he would have done it and it would have ended up begin half assed.
Howard said he had people asking him to do a magazine but to just put his name on it. He can't just do that. Dave was complaining about Playboy and how he doesn't get hard anymore from reading that magazine. Howard said he's the same way and wonders if it's their age. Dave said they airbrush out the vaginas and that's just not right. Dave said that whoever invented the vagina knew what he was doing because it looks the same before and after sex. He said that you can't say the same about a man.
Howard asked Dave what he would do to change Playboy. Dave said you want to see a celebrity naked in erotic situations. Howard said he would like to see Megan Fox in there. Dave said that you'd put her in a situation where it's full tilt eroticism. He said that they'd have a chimp ripping her face off.
Howard said that Playboy is stuck with a situation they can't win. He said they're up against the porn on the web and that's unbeatable. Dave said that they tried to become a Maxim or something but that doesn't work. He said he loves Hustler because they give you what you're looking for. He said they have some cool articles in the magazine too. Usually conspiracy stuff but it's a good read after you splooge.
Howard said the Playboy empire is in trouble and Hugh Hefner is getting older. He said that someone could buy the whole thing if they wanted. Howard said a prominent guy approached him and said he wanted to have a meeting with him about Playboy. It was someone he respects a lot but he doesn't work for Playboy. Howard said the guy came to him and this story drives Ralph crazy. Howard said the guy said he was no bullshitter and he was looking at Playboy. The problem with the whole thing is that the magazine sales are down. They need someone to replace Hugh Hefner and the guy was thinking about Howard Stern. Howard said the guy thought about him and what a good replacement he'd be for Hef. Howard said the guy was going to buy it and move into the mansion and all of that. Howard said he started to think about it and he called the guy back and said he's not that guy.
Howard said that he never made his living just having naked girls on for no reason. He said they do contests and stuff. Howard said they have some kind of story for the girls when they come in. Howard said that he doesn't live that lifestyle.
Howard said he doesn't think that there's anything you can do about the magazine at this point. People who buy it now are the ones who like it the way it is. Other guys are probably doing something else and don't want anything different in there. In the end Howard said he decided not to do the Playboy thing.
Dave said that it would be odd to have Howard running that empire. He said that they'd end up with the guys from the show being there at the mansion so it would be kind of weird. He said that Howard would have everyone in bed by 8 and things like that as well.
Dave talked more about the shows he's doing for the troops. He said he thinks he's going to be going all over the place and not just Afghanistan this time. He said that they're going to have a whole show and not just comedy. He said that he's going to try and keep it kind of clean but he hopes he can talk about lubricants and stuff.
Dave asked Howard if he could design his own lube, what he would want in it. Howard said that he doesn't need lube, he gets wet back there without it. Then he said that Dave was taking him down a road he didn't want to go down and stopped the conversation.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Dave is great and he wonders how he would feel about replacing Artie. Dave said that he's not a good sidekick. He said that's why he's worried about the AVN thing. He said that he may not be that great of a host. He said that's why the Gong Show remake didn't do well.
Ralph called in and said that he knew about the Playboy thing and he had to keep it secret. He said if that guy had gotten Howard when he was single he would have moved right into that mansion. Howard said he thinks that Playboy is done now and no one could have predicted the internet. Ralph said that it's a recognizable brand and something could be done to save it. Ralph said they could figure something out.
Dave said he watched The Girls Next Door but he thinks that Hef should have sent the girls out on missions like Charlie's Angels. He said that would have made the show great. Howard said he's right about that. Howard said he watched that show but he loves ''Leave it to Lamas.'' Robin said the look on Dave's face when he brought that up was priceless. Dave didn't even know that show existed.
Howard said that when they went to the Playboy mansion there were girls passing around notes asking them to help them get out of there like they were being held hostage. Howard said that's what would be interesting for him to see on that show. He said that would be fascinating. Howard said he wants to see exactly what Hugh is up to over there.
Howard said that the girls can't be looking forward to fucking Hugh Hefner so the girls must have to argue about who is going to do him. Howard said that it would be a fascinating thing to see what happens there in reality.
Howard started to wrap up with Dave and said he's the greatest. Dave said he loves coming in during the holidays and hanging out for a few. He said he loves seeing Howard. Howard said he likes seeing Dave too. They spent a little more time talking about the tour Dave is going on before they wrapped up and went to break. Howard said he's very proud of Dave for doing what he does for the troops. He said that takes balls. He said that Dave is this generation's Bob Hope but Dave is actually funny. He gave him some more plugs and went to break.
Howard came back and had Mike Walker on the phone to play his game. Mike talked about the Tiger Woods story for a short time. He said that he loves how all of the TV shows put them down for writing about this stuff but they spend all this time dedicated to talking about the story. Mike said that you never text your girlfriend if you're married. Howard said he agrees with that. Howard said that the girls aren't going to erase that stuff. They spent a few minutes talking about Tiger's choice in women and things like that.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Steve said that they also have a story about Jay Leno winning an award from Forbes magazine for changing TV. Gary told Howard that Jackie walked off the show because he needed a mental health day after they did a roast on the Channel 9 show where he thought that Howard told everyone not to laugh at his jokes.
Howard said he swears on the life of his kids that he didn't fix the audience that day. He said that would have been brilliant but the audience just wasn't laughing at Jackie. He had nothing to do with it. Howard said Jackie came in all freaked out that day and insisted that they had set him up. Fred backed Howard up on that story and said he had it 100 percent correct.
Steve said that Gary has been attacked by Eric the Midget lately over email. They have more on that. Howard said that Eric fabricated some emails that he said were from Robert Mills at ABC. Gary said that he knew they were fake and pointed that out on the air. Howard said Eric is still mad at Gary over that and he's saying that he's going to sue him. Gary said that he can't help himself responding to those emails that Eric sends. He said that Eric writes to him in like 3 inch letters and calls him names and stuff. He said that he just can't help but email him back and it's just working Eric up.
Howard said Eric is also voice mailing Gary. He had some of those to play as well. In the voice mails Eric was very angry and calling Gary ''asshole ape face'' and saying that he was going to get back at him for all of the stuff he's said about him on the air. He's threatening to sue him and take away all of the money that he's saving up for his kid's college funds. Eric claims he can do math and he's not retarded like Gary says he is. He told Gary to go to hell.
Gary said he loves Eric on the air now. He said he loves the places that Eric decides to take a breath. Howard played another clip where Eric was saying that he didn't have a problem with Howard at all. He said that it's his ignorant, piece of shit, producer. Eric said that he thinks that Gary is the one who should be fired, not Artie for missing work. Eric said he doesn't give a shit which one gets fired but Gary has to stop with the bullshit about him. Eric said that he's going to go after Gary legally if he doesn't stop with that stuff.
Gary said he thinks Eric is going to have an aneurysm if he keeps up with that. Gary said that he always tries to stop from sending Eric an email but he can't help himself. He said Eric is so angry and he's making these threats and he just can't help it. Gary said that Eric is gathering up all of his old teachers and stuff to prove that he's not stupid.
Steve said that they have a story about Lisa G's cookies that she's selling and giving 10 percent to charity. Howard said that Lisa must have press released her own story about that stuff.
Steve said that Scott and Ronnie are going to be appearing out in Las Vegas around the same time and they're going to be at different places. Howard said he saw that Scott got his head shaved in preparation for that appearance. Scott came in and said that he didn't shave his head. He said that Train is opening for him out there. He said that they open up for him and then he goes on.
Howard said he had some audio from the second appearance Scott made out in Vegas recently. He played some of that and Scott brings up Howard's name. Howard asked him not to bring his name up when he's doing those appearances.
Ronnie came in and said it sounds like Scott is ripping off his act. He said he's yelling and cursing just like he does. Howard asked if that's Scott's attempt to show he's not an old guy and he fits in. Scott said it pumps up the crowd.
Ronnie said Scott hasn't shut up about the trip to Vegas for the past 3 weeks. Doug Goodstein said that he really hasn't stopped and he keeps going on and on about it. Ronnie said he's been trying to get his seat on the plane because the last time the flight was over booked. He said they had him on a waiting list the last flight home.
Scott said he's been upgraded to first class and he really appreciates that. Howard asked what they're doing out there. Scott said that he's going to Rick's out there with Ronnie for his birthday. Scott said that his wife isn't going because she doesn't like to fly. Doug said that Scott has never been happier.
Doug said that they have video of Scott dancing with some chicks and doing air guitar. Howard watched that and said he'd laugh if he fell off that stage. Howard asked him what he's doing. Scott was also dancing with some girls and a couple of them were pretty hot according to Howard. Howard said that they were black chicks and one of them was really hot.
Ralph called in and said it's kind of a cool and hip place and then you see Scott and it must ruin the brand. Howard said he'd prefer it if they don't mention his name.
Howard apologized to Ralph for the whole liquor thing. He said he heard tape of himself telling Ralph it was okay to drink from the bar there. He said that he doesn't have permission to do that now though. Ralph got in a plug for this weekend's Geektime show that's on from 2-4 on Saturday. They have Adam West on this week. Howard said he hated that old Batman TV show. He said he was desperate to see anything comic book related so he watched it. He said it wasn't good though.
Ralph called in again and said that first Batman was awesome. He said he was like 7 at the time and he loved it. Howard said that he watched that show and it was on against The Munsters and that's what took the Munsters off of TV. He said he watched it every week but it was a shitty show. Ralph disagreed with that.
Howard said Ralph can talk more about this on Saturday on Geektime. Howard said that no one thought that show was great except for Ralph. He asked Jon how he does a show with him. Jon just laughed.
Howard let Ronnie and Scott go after that. He had Jon Hein run down his Wrap Up Show preview next. Jon ran through his list of stuff they had to talk about on today's show.
After that he had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone to give them a preview of what they had coming up tonight. Mutt said that he's getting emails from Eric the Midget like Gary is. He said that he gets the same kind of stuff and he's threatening to ruin his life. Howard said he was thinking about sending Mutt a few of those himself.
Mutt said they're going to talk about Howard's threats of retirement and about Jackie wanting to have lunch with him. They're going to talk about the guests they had on this week as well. Superfan Roundtable is on tonight at 7pm on Howard 101.
Robin started her news with a story about a guy dressed as Santa grabbing a 12 year old girl as she was walking down the street. Robin read the details of what was going on and how the girl got away. The cops caught up with the guy and arrested him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was a student teacher like Eric the Midget was saying he was. He said that they were just the teacher's helper and it doesn't mean you were smart or anything. All he did was take roll call and things like that. Howard said that Eric has a lot of law suits to juggle. He makes it hard to be his friend.
Robin read a story about how letting kids play in the mud and eat off the floor might help them be more immune to things later in life.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had a friend's wife give him a blow job. He said he called in with that a while back and he went through with it. He said he got the blow job and watched his friend bang his wife. He said it was a pretty good birthday present. The guy was also saying he thinks that Eric the Midget thinks that he's a wrestler so that's why he's acting so angry.
Robin read a story about people adopting Chihuahuas and abandoning them. Howard said he hates people who do that. He said that you can't just indulge yourself and then get rid of them.
Another caller said that Howard has to take it easy on Tiger woods. He said that he's just going after young pussy like Howard did. Howard said he's just saying that Tiger is stupid for texting the women. He's not on him about the young women. The guy said that Howard did all of this stuff in the past. Howard said he's not passing moral judgment on the guy, he's just saying that he fucked up royally. Howard said everyone is up to having sex and he loves the hypocrisy of it all. He said that Tiger is putting out the image of being a family man and meanwhile he's out fucking all of these broads and texting them. Howard said he would never text girls like that if he was in that situation.
Robin read that there may be nude photos of Tiger Woods and Playgirl magazine is talking about publishing them. Robin said that the first woman who came out with the Tiger Woods story is upset about how many women who are coming out of the woodwork. The woman wants to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases now that she knows how many he's had. She says that they had unprotected sex. They had to take a break after that story.
After the break, around 10:45am, Howard came right back and had Robin get to more news. She had more about Tiger Woods and these women he was sleeping with. One story said that Tiger and this woman were taking Ambien before having sex. Howard said that would make you sleepy. She had some news about his wife staying with him. Howard sarcastically said that should work out just fine.
Robin read a story where they talk about guys who cheat and why they do it. Robin said there are some guys who are just sexual addicts and need that conquest. She read about the guys who are looking for love and adoration and things like that.
Ralph called in and said that sex on Ambien is really good. He said he's done that and it's really hot. He said that there's nothing wrong with that. Howard said he doesn't need to be medicated to have sex. He said that his penis inside a woman is the best feeling and he doesn't want it enhanced. Howard said there's no better feeling than that.
Robin read about Ron Wood getting into a fight with his girlfriend. Howard said that Ron Wood looks like an old grandma and anyone could beat him up. Robin said they claim that he was choking this woman and dragging her down the street. Ron had to spend a night in jail and the relationship is now over. She was only 20 years old and Ron is 62. She refused to press charges on him.
Robin read a story about a guy who blew his jaw off when he laced his gum with some unknown substance. Robin said he used to like to dip it in citric acid according to his family. The family heard an explosion while he was working on his computer and the family found him on the floor with his jaw blown off. Howard said that was a strange thing.
Robin read about President Obama going to Norway to accept his Nobel Peace Prize. Robin said some people find that odd since he's in charge of 2 wars right now. Howard said maybe it's because he's trying to end those wars. Robin had some audio of Obama that she had Howard play.
Robin read a story about a Boy Scout leader who raped a boy in her Boy Scout troop. The woman was caught having sex with the boy by his parents. Robin said they call it rape because the boy is so young. Robin said that they say she may have had sex with the boy on more than one occasion.
Robin read some more details about the lesbian teachers Howard talked about this week. She said there's another teacher under investigation here for having sex with a student. Howard said that story about the lesbian teachers was hot.
Robin had some news about Sarah Palin and her book signing tour. She had some audio of some guy talking about camping out waiting to meet her at a book signing.
Robin had some news about Barbara Walters most fascinating people special. She had some audio of Michele Obama talking about her husband on that special. Robin read about some of the other people on the list as well. She said that Michael Jackson's kids are on the list so Howard asked if they're going to be interviewed. Robin said that they must be if they're on the list.
Robin read that Senator Oren Hatch has broken into song for the holidays. The song was about Hanukkah but Oren is a Mormon. Robin had Howard play some of that song. Howard said that he hasn't been that turned on by music since Susan Boyle came out.
Robin said that people are complaining about their AT&T cell phone service and they're now talking about adjusting their rates for what they call data hogs. Robin said that they're slowing down phone service and AT&T is going to cut back the people that are using too much of the data services. Howard said that they shouldn't offer phones that use data if they're going to do that. Howard said they do have to do something because their phones don't work.
Robin had some news about Jessica Simpson and Billy Corgan dating. She also had some news about Susan Boyle being on the top of the Billboard 200 charts. Robin said that they think that she could sell another 500,000 albums this week alone. They spent a little time talking about Jessica Simpson and poor Billy getting her when she's fat. Robin said that she's losing some weight. Howard said he's getting the feeling he could have gotten her if Billy got her.
Robin read a story about a study done on how to block the fearful memories that people have that cause Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Howard said that's what they think JD might have. Robin said that's why she brought it up. She said that they're trying to figure out how to disrupt those memories so people can get over it.
Robin read about director Peter Jackson slimming down. Howard said that golfer John Daly did too. Howard said he had that band put around his stomach. Robin said Peter cut back on his portions. Robin said he's the guy behind ''The Lovely Bones'' and had some audio of him talking about that movie. Howard said he doesn't want to hear the guy talking about that no matter how thin he is.
Robin had some news about a new movie Clint Eastwood has directed. Howard said he thought he retired. Robin said he may not be acting but he's still directing. Howard talked about how he avoids any movie about Nelson Mandella. He said that he admires the guy but doesn't want to see a movie about it. He said he'd rather see Spider-Mandella. He said that might be a good idea for a movie actually. He said he might have to option that. Howard said he might have to become a movie director when he's done there in a year. He said that he'd love to bring out movies like ''Spider-Mandella.''
Robin read some news about the Salahi couple that crashed a party at the White House. They're saying that they're going to refuse to talk about it when questioned by the government about how they got in.
Robin read about the show ''Community'' and how Anthony Michael Hall is going to be on the show with Chevy Chase. The last time they worked together was on the movie ''Vacation.'' They had some audio of Anthony talking about working with Chevy on that movie. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show right around 11:15am.
Gary said that he knew it was going to be bad when Will told him that Richard wasn't going to be the worst of the three. They were going to do a game where they asked ''Do you have it worse than Richard the Mole Guy'' and he thinks they found two guys who did.
The guys talked about how hot Kayden was and how she was almost Barbie Doll perfect. Gary said even he wanted one of her movies. He said that he asked Paul for some of her movies and he thought he was asking for the guys in the contest.
Benjy asked why anyone would buy a DVD now because you can get so much free on the internet. Benjy said there's a site called SpankWire and you can get a ton of free stuff there. Gary asked how you get this stuff free. Benjy said that it's like YouTube but with porn. They spent a short time talking about that but Gary said that he likes the DVD over the internet stuff. Gary said that the quality is better and you have the controls over it.
Benjy said that the DVD is a lot of work. Gary said that he was getting into a weird area with the whole DVD thing so it is easier for him to do the internet stuff now.
Jon asked Will if he understood what Peter was saying at all. Will said that the day he started to put the game together he got the call from him and it was like a sign from god. He said he ended up talking to his buddy who helped put it all together.
Gary talked about the first time he spoke to Elephant Boy and how he spoke to him for like 60 seconds. Gary said he thought he had Down Syndrome the first time and didn't think he could put him on the air like that. His buddy told him it wasn't like that and they eventually got him on the show.
Jon took a call from Brent from Bubba the Love Sponge's show who said that you can't copyright porn. He said that's why it's on the web free. Brent said that he can't copyright a term like ''Toys for Tits'' and he knows that since he tried to do that. Benjy asked why they don't just reissue stuff then. Brent said that they do.
Gary asked if he could just copy and put out the movies on his own. Brent said that you basically could do that but you need to have some paperwork on file before you do something like that. He said that's why Max Hardcore is in jail right now.
Gary said that Brent was in an accident the other night. Brent said that he's doing okay but his wife is in pretty bad shape. He said that he hydroplaned in the freeway and his wife isn't able to move her neck right now. He said it was really scary. Jon let him go and said he'd be seeing him at the holiday party that Howard is throwing for everyone.
Jon moved on to talk about the Sybian Ride that Kayden did. He said that he's never seen the guys move so fast when she said that she would do it. Gary said they have it down to a science now. They got that thing set up quick.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the show was great today with that contest. He was also saying that he could hang Howard's TV for him. Gary said he's pretty sure he doesn't want a guy coming down from Ontario to hang his TV.
Another caller said the contest was great today and Kayden sounded hot. He said maybe they could get her to give the losers a lap dance or something. Gary said they really didn't think it through that far and it's too late to do anything now.
Another caller asked how come they didn't find someone to just fuck the winner like they did with Jeff the Drunk. Gary said that's not what the contest was about. They were looking to give away a trip to the AVN Awards and not trying to get someone banged.
The caller said that he'd like Howard to get rid of Jackie from the channel. He said he can't even stand his commercials. Gary said he'd let Howard know.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he thinks that Howard and Gary fight so much because they're so completely different. Gary said that they don't bicker that much but they do see things differently.
The caller also said that Eric the Midget is a little asshole. Gary said he has to cut back on emailing Eric back. He said that he just couldn't help it though. Gary said that he's worried about Eric spending money on suing him because there's no way he's going to win. Gary said that Johnny Fratto has let him know he's not going to fund any lawsuits that Eric has in mind. Gary said Johnny also told him that after hearing Eric's math last week, he now knows why he was billed so much by Eric.
A caller said that he cried today during the virgin contest. He said that he felt so good about what they did for those guys today. Gary said that if Eric was nicer he could have been in this contest today. Then he wondered if Eric is still a virgin if he paid for sex. Will said maybe not technically.
The guys ended up talking about Extreme Makeover where they make over people's homes and how the people end up losing even more because they can't keep up with taxes and stuff. Gary said he's read a few stories about that where people have gone into even more debt after being helped with the new home.
Jon brought up how Peter was asked about what jerking off was and he didn't seem to know what they were referring to. The guys figured that maybe he does it but doesn't know that it's called jerking off.
Will said Sal and Richard did a quiz with Peter after the show and they couldn't tell if he was getting the answers right or not. They had to go to break after that.
Jon said that this is the third of 3 appearances that Scott is making. He asked if that's going to be his big finale. Scott said that he thinks it's the finale. He said he'd talk to them about it if they want him back. He said that they agreed to do 3 appearances so that's what he did.
Gary said he can see Scott fucking up the deal by doubling his fee. Scott said that they've been amazing to him and they just upgraded him to first class and stuff like that without asking.
Scott said that he got his seat on the flight and he will be able to come back on time. Jon asked if he's worried about Ronnie stealing his thunder when he's at Rick's out there. Scott said they're just going out to have a good time and he's not worried.
Scott said his birthday is on Saturday and he's really looking forward to it. He said he's turning 57. Benjy asked if Scott and Ronnie are talking about the kind of money they're making out there. Scott said that he's being taken care of very nicely and he's got no complaints. Scott said that Mike Gange is going to be out there too.
Gary said that he used to be the Rick's guy and he must have gotten cut out of it. Gary said that they must have figured out that they can get Ronnie cheaper and now he's out.
Jon asked if Scott has anything special planned out there this time. Scott said he doesn't know what they're going to be doing. He said that the DJ out there, DJ Hollywood, is going to be doing his thing. Will said that Scott is an idiot for not knowing the guy's real name.
Jon pointed out that his birthday is this weekend about 20 times. Scott said that he's going to see Train on Saturday, which is his birthday, and he's going to have a great time out there. He also said that he hasn't shaved his head but he will rush home to do that today.
Benjy asked if he's going to the Red Rooster out there. That's a swingers club out there. Scott said his swinging days are over.
A caller asked Gary about doing a radio show there and if he would replace Howard. Gary said that he's not going to be replacing Howard. The caller said that they could do a show talking about Howard and Gary knows Howard better than anyone. Gary said he knows him well but he can't do a show like he does. Gary said maybe they could do a show called ''What Would Howard Do?''
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if they think that JD's anxiety is coming from him not having a job in a year. Gary said they don't know if they're going to have a job next year. He said he's not sure if that's what JD is upset about. The caller said there is a good chance that they won't have a job next year. Gary said that there are 90 people there and no one else is having anxiety. Gary asked Will if he's having any. Will said that he's much more mentally strong than JD. He said he is feeling some anxiety but it's still a year away.
The guys said that they're hoping that Howard has an answer for them soon so they can start looking for jobs if they need to. Gary said that it could take 6 months to find a job. Will said he's hoping by June they'll know. Jon said that would be nice. He said everyone is going to have to do what they have to do. Will said that if Howard does come back that doesn't mean that everyone else will come back.
The caller said that he thinks that Artie won't be coming back next time if Howard does come back. The guy said that SIRIUS is going to tank if Howard doesn't come back and he knows that. He said that Howard is carrying SIRIUS and he knows that they're going to tank if he leaves. The guy said that no one is signing on to the service for anything other than Howard. Jon said it was tough to argue with him because he seems to know everything. They had to end the show after that.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:55am.