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Howard started the show talking about how much they were going to talk about today. He said he was going to start out with a song parody about Robin. He said she was missing so he had to wait for her to come in. Howard told her about this song parody he had and said he wasn't going to play it but it's so good that he had to. It was to the tune of a Miley Cyrus song ''Party in the USA'' and it was ''Party in the Tuchas.'' He played it for her and she said that was no way to wake up for the fans out there. Howard thought the song was good.
Howard said he watched Robin's appearance on Jeopardy and said ''Oy vey!'' Robin said she's glad she didn't have to come in and talk about it the next day. Howard said that it was pretty bad. He said he went on YouTube and watched the show there. He said he would never go on that show himself. He would never be able to answer questions under pressure.
Robin said she wondered why she was doing that to herself. She said every time you go on it's different. She said that she was depressed for days after that. Howard said Julie Bowen and Jane Kaczmarek kicked Robin's ass in that game. Robin said she had buzzer trouble again there and they had to coach her about the buzzer. She was told that she was too late or too early and she wasn't able to get the buzzer thing to work for her. Robin said you have to wait for a light to go off and she has no coordination when it comes to that. Howard said Robin got hammered in the email. He said he wouldn't be able to do any better so he'd never do that show.
Howard said Gary the Retard watched Jeopardy and they taped him watching it. Howard played the audio of what he was talking about and Gary was answering all of the questions before Robin. It was a bit of course.
Howard wondered what Robin was talking about when she wrote in ''Pon'' for one of the questions at the end. She was answering ''Pon'' and it was for ''Corn Pon'' but it was wrong.
Bobo called in and said that appearance was really bad. Robin said that Harry Shearer was there and he came in laughing at her in the green room. Howard asked if he hangs out there all the time. Robin said Harry was there to shoot an appearance on the show. Howard thought he was hanging out there.
Howard took another call and the guy said he was rooting for Robin but that first round was brutal. Howard went on to read some of the email they got about her and people were bashing her like crazy. The fans talked about how bad she was and what an embarrassment it was.
Howard said he's not sure why anyone would want to go on that show. He said that it was really brutal. Robin said she did okay one time and this time was just bad. Howard read some more email and people were saying Robin was bad but she looked good. Robin said Fred was the only one who tried to comfort her about the whole thing. Howard said he just wouldn't have gone on the show in the first place.
Howard read more email and one guy was saying that she's becoming a cancer on the show over the past 10 years. Howard said that appearance really brought out a lot of negativity from the audience. Howard said he had never heard of this Jane Kaczmarek before. Robin said she was on ''Malcolm In the Middle.'' Artie thought she was on ''30 Rock'' but he was thinking of the wrong person.
Howard read more of the email and people were saying they couldn't want for this day to come so they could hear Robin talk about her loss. Howard said the fans thought she looked good on the show. They didn't enjoy her loss though. Howard said a lot of people were saying that her button must have been broken. Someone said she was to Jeopardy as Gary was to baseball.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was going to ask if her buzzer was broken but now he's thinking that maybe someone spiked her green drink. Howard said he knows better than to go on that show. He knows to stay away.
Howard read even more email about Robin's loss. There were more people commenting on her looks on the show. He took another call from a guy who said he rubbed one out to Robin on the show. He said he did it right on the TV screen.
Robin said she went out to Los Angeles over the week and she saw the guy who plays Sam Merlot on ''True Blood'' on the flight. Robin said she thinks that they may have had ''a moment'' on the flight. She said that the guy was dragging his roller board on the plane and he ran into her and said ''I'm sorry baby'' to her. Howard asked how long it took her to take him to the bathroom. Robin said she just froze up. She said Andy Garcia was on the flight too. She said she just froze up when that Sam Merlot guy spoke to her.
Howard took another call from a guy who said Robin wasn't focusing on the game and that was her problem. She kept looking at the other players when they'd buzz in. Gary said Robin won one time and she didn't have a problem with the buzzer that time. Robin said that maybe Regis had the buzzer problem last time she played.
Gary said Robin put herself out there for a charity but she can't blame the buzzer. Robin said she's not making excuses, she's just being basted like a turkey in there.
Gary said he thought that she had won based on the way she was talking about the show. Robin said she wasn't allowed to talk about it and didn't try to mislead anyone. Howard said it was sad how Alex Trebeck was giving Robin sympathy as they'd go to commercial break. He said that Robin should have just walked off. Howard jokingly said Alex started whispering the answers to her. Gary said that he has a way of saying no that's just pathetic.
Howard asked Robin if they checked her buzzer. She said that they did that but it wasn't her asking them to do that. She said they checked it on their own to make sure it was working. Robin said that they do have buzzer problems once in a while. She said they had to switch out Julie's.
Howard told Robin to never do that show again. Robin said she has to see what happens. She might go on again. Howard told her to go to Guatemala instead.
Howard said it would have been funny of Alex had told Robin to attend one of those schools she was trying to help out in Guatemala. Robin said she was having trouble in the first round getting any points so she had zero points. Fred played the ''Zero point zero'' clip while she was talking about that. Robin said that they told her that a blind man won Jeopardy so she should be able to get in with the buzzer. She said they told her that the guy would hit the buzzer when Alex stopped talking and he was able to win.
JD came in and told Howard that Robin answered 5 questions and he had them for Howard to play. Howard said he liked the way Robin talked about herself in the introduction part of the show. Howard said it was kind of weird. It was like robo-Robin. Howard played the show from the beginning where they did the introductions. Robin said that she'd probably get asked back to do the show over Julie Bowen again because she had a dollar at the end and Julie had nothing. Gary said that he's pretty sure that Julie played a better game. Robin said they go by what kind of money you have at the end. Gary didn't believe that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Robin is an annoying cunt. Robin asked what she did. The guy said he was listening to the Best of 2009 last week and heard some stuff. Howard ended up hanging up on the guy before he could explain himself.
Another caller said that Robin might be too stupid to go to Guatemala because of this Jeopardy thing. She might be too stupid and she may just stand around and drool for a while. Robin didn't want to sit around and talk about this Jeopardy thing anymore. It was ''so last week.''
Howard played more of the Jeopardy opening where they introduced Robin. They mentioned that she had been with the show for 28 years and said that she's the brains of the show. Howard said that's embarrassing since she lost on the show.
Howard said Robin was very smooth when she was introduced and talked to Alex. He said he was impressed and she seemed to have her wits about her in that segment. Robin spoke to Alex about being born and reared in Baltimore. Howard said she should have said she was ''reared'' in San Francisco. In the clip Robin was being very regal according to Howard. He said he couldn't explain what it was but she sounded very smooth.
Howard was goofing on Robin and doing an impression of that very regal voice she was using in that interview. He played a clip of Alex calling Robin dumb at one point. They had an edited clip of Alex calling her a dumb son of a bitch.
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Howard said Martin Luther King came out to support her but they thought her face wasn't the right one for them. She was very black skinned and they decided she wasn't the right face for the black people or the white people. They said to Rosa that she would be better off going on the bus and staging the whole thing. Howard said that this Claudette was staying at Rosa's house at the time. It was all staged. Robin said of course it was. Howard said that he wants everything changed from Rosa Parks name to Claudette's name.
Howard said that he doesn't like this and he's upset and dismayed by the whole thing. Robin said that Howard should have known this already. Robin told him he's historically naive. Howard said Robin shouldn't be talking after losing on Jeopardy.
Howard said that every school or street that's named after Rosa Parks should be renamed to Claudette Colvin. He said she just wrote a book actually and he'd like to get her on the show. Howard told Gary to get in touch with her. Howard said it would have been nice for her to get the glory.
Howard said he was reading the story about Tiger and turned to Beth and told her it didn't sound right. Howard said that there's some sort of cover up going on. He said that he crashed the car because he was trying to cover something up. Howard said he could tell from what he was reading early on that it was a cover up.
Howard said that the chick that Tiger is allegedly banging on the side is the hottest chick on the planet. Howard said she's so sexy that women fall for her. Howard said that's how hot she is. Robin said she read that she was the hostess of some place out in Vegas and she got celebrities to show up. She was always popping out of her shirt too from what she heard.
Howard talked about how great this story is turning out to be and just how goofy Tiger looks. Robin said he does have that smile like Gary does and he can't close his mouth just like Gary.
Howard said he doesn't believe that tiger isn't banging that other chick. He said that the Enquirer has the story and they seem to get a lot of stories right.
Howard read some of the article about what happened with Tiger and the guys were talking about how great it will be if he was beat up by his wife. Howard said that would be like Beth beating him up with a microphone.
Howard read the article about what they say happened and how his wife, Elin Nordegren, may have smashed his truck with a golf club while chasing him.
Howard said that Beth is fed up with him complaining about the apartment not being done. He said that she shuts down when she gets upset with him. He said that nothing got done last week at the apartment. Howard said he has to have a meeting about the whole thing and he doesn't have time to do it.
Howard said that he was looking at the pictures of Tiger Woods' house and it's right in the middle of a bunch of other houses. He said he should have something nicer than that away from other houses.
Howard said he was reading about Tiger's alleged mistress, Rachel Uchitel, and what she's been doing to try and cover it up. Howard said that she went out and got a lawyer to deny that she wasn't part of the whole thing. Howard said that he's learned not to mess with the Enquirer. Robin said that this Rachel Uchitel claimed she didn't know the woman who was the source of the story and they produced pictures of them partying together.
Howard said that the werewolves they had in the movie looked like cartoons. The story was about a guy becoming a werewolf and they didn't show it and they didn't explain a fuckin' thing. He said the wolf didn't even look that real. He said he liked the first Twilight movie but this one was so bad and they missed all of the drama of the guy becoming a werewolf. Howard said the director blew it and the movie was awful. Robin said she loved the movie.
Howard said that they went to the premiere of the movie and he was a hero to his daughter and her friend. Howard said they walked the red carpet. He said they also went to this club where they were having a party but he had to get out of there. He said his daughter is a huge fan of the guy in that movie, Robert Pattinson, and she wanted to go over and meet him but she was told to go away. Howard said that the guy isn't even that good looking. Howard said he's very effeminate in the movie and he didn't expect the lead vampire to be like that.
Richard took his shoe off to show the foot and said that he wouldn't be able to put it back on. Howard said it didn't look that bad. Richard said last night it was really bad.
Howard said he listened to the new song that Richard has out and all he can hear is the drums and the singer in the band. Howard said that Richard must have mixed it but Richard said the guitar player actually mixed it. Howard had the song to play and told Robin not to take his side if he's wrong. He played the song, Ghost Town, from Charred Walls of the Dammed. That's Richard's new band. Howard was right about it being heavy on drums. Robin agreed with him.
Howard said that there aren't many songs that have drums that hot in them other than Van Halen's ''Hot for Teacher'' at the start of the song.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Richard is trying blame this gout on food but alcohol is probably the main factor. Howard said that he's probably right about that and Richard is an alcoholic. Howard said he's gained a ton of weight and he drinks like a fish. Robin said that it's usually in one joint that you feel it. Richard said it's his big toe that's the worst.
Howard had Fred play ''Hot for Teacher'' to show how they mixed that song so the drums weren't hot the whole song. He told Richard he might have to mix his next album. Richard said that the drums stayed hot in that song though. As the song went along the drums stayed hot. Howard said Richard might be right about that.
Howard played more of Richard's song and asked where the bass was. Richard said it was in there. Howard said the voice wasn't loud enough. Fred said he knows what they were going for but they need a little work. Howard mentioned that Richard sure can play the drums. Howard said the song was good too. Richard thanked him for that and said that they didn't have a lot of money to make the album. He said they did what they could with what they had.
Richard said his doctor is about a 2 mile walk for him. He said that it's going to be tough to get a cab in midtown. He said he'll be stuck in traffic if he takes a cab. He said maybe Jon Hein will give him a ride.
Howard read some details about what causes gout and they say that alcohol can cause it. He said that Richard has been pigging out since he got to New York and he's got to cut back on that. Richard said it's tough because there are so many great restaurants there. He said that even the Papa John's pizza there is better than it is out in Kansas.
Richard said that if he were Howard he'd be out eating killer food every night. Robin said that's what Richard is doing though. He is eating killer food. Howard said he eats small portions and he doesn't have to eat as much as he does. Richard said he doesn't have the self control that Howard and Robin do. Howard said they order Chinese food and ask for the sauce on the side and the chick at the restaurant laughs at him. He said they tell people that only one person orders sauce on the side and that's Howard Stern. Howard told Richard that the next time he's hungry, he should stick that swollen foot in his mouth.
Robin said there's a new book out about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and they talk about his use of marijuana. Howard said that guy is actually coming in today to talk about the book.
Howard said he got a note from Richard about seeing that Twilight movie and he hit it on the head. Richard said Vampires should be bad asses and not talk the way they do. Howard said they shouldn't be able to walk around during the day either. He said they also sparkle in the daylight. Richard said the werewolves were really horrible looking too.
Howard read the note he got from Richard where he talked about going to see the movie ''The Twilight Saga: New Moon'' and was asked ''what team'' he was on when he bought tickets. Richard said he didn't know what the guy was talking about so he said ''The Kansas City Chiefs.'' Howard said he's on the old team of John Stamos and Luke Perry because he's old school.
Richard said the lead girl in the movie isn't even that hot and she just sulks through the whole movie. Howard said he's so right about that. Richard said that the werewolves were lame looking and very fake. He said they looked like something that popped out of a video game.
Howard read that Richard started clapping and yelled out ''Holy Smokes!'' when one of the kids took his shirt off. Richard said all of the kids were looking at him like he was nuts. Howard said that's funny and he wants to go and start yelling out ''Oh my god'' in a very effeminate way. He said he should have started moaning during the movie.
Howard read more of Richard's note and he was pointing out how gay the vampires looked and how High Pitch Mike would be a more threatening looking vampire. Richard said he did like the movie and he'd go see the next one too. Howard said he'll see anything with vampires in it so he'll probably go see it too. He let Richard go because it was getting late and he had to take a break.
Howard told Richard to walk out so they could see him walk again. Richard said they should see him walk again. Richard said that they should see him go down the steps in the subway. Artie said that he's probably not showering because of that. Richard said he's not because it hurts so bad. He hasn't showered in four days. Howard said that's disgusting.
Howard asked Robin what it would take for her to sniff Richard's finger after he wipes it on his taint. Robin said that would be several million. Richard said four days of not showering is nothing compared to what he used to do in Florida. He said he used to go 3 weeks without a shower. Artie said that's fascinating that he doesn't shower for four days. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and asked Robin what the bigger secret service fuck up was, letting a couple crash the President's party or letting ''God'' into Ronald Reagan's office. Howard said he thought they were really organized but they're obviously not. Robin said they think that they're not putting the president in danger but it's a huge fuck up when they let strangers into an event.
Howard said it is an embarrassment for the Secret Service. He said he's gone to book signings where he wasn't even allowed in because his name wasn't on the list. Howard said the couple that they let into this party looked like they belonged there but the wife looks crazy to him. Howard said that couple might deserve a reality show. Robin said that they're saying that they actually belonged there and they were the ones saying that they were gate crashers.
Howard said that reality show could be as good as the ''Leave it to Lamas'' show. Robin said she saw an episode of that show and it was awful. Howard said he loves it. Robin said the whole family is a train wreck. She said she can't watch the sex rehab show either. Artie said that those people aren't celebrities to him so he can't watch it either.
Howard said they have a porn star on that show and no one would want to fuck her. Howard said she's fat. He said that Amber Smith is complaining about her looks and you have to love that. Robin said she's sick of hearing that.
Howard said this gate crasher thing is really embarrassing and those people shouldn't have been able to get in. He said the news is great lately. He said that Oprah Winfrey announced she's retiring after doing 25 years of her TV show. Howard said she was saying that the number 25 sounded good to her so that's why she's ending it.
Howard said that they're using Oprah's move to cable as a comparison to what he did when he moved to satellite. He said that they took that opportunity to bash him. Howard said some reporter had said that Howard Stern moved to satellite and wasn't successful. Howard said the rest of the asswipes on the show just shook their heads like it was true.
Howard played the clip from FOX and Friends where this guy Brian Kilmead said he wasn't successful. Howard said they make it sound like he was a big failure. Howard said he helped that company get to the point where they merged with XM who was crushing them just a couple of years before. Howard said that maybe he should call the guy and ask him why he's such an asshole. He said he may not have brought all of his audience over there but he did bring a lot.
Howard said that he's seen this guy knock him before and he does it in a matter of fact way that makes it seem like he's right. Howard said he brought over a lot of people and that's why they want him to stay there at SIRIUS.
Howard played another clip of this guy Lester Holt on the Today Show talking about Oprah moving to cable. The guy was saying that she'll be able to control her show there and they talk about Howard's move to satellite and how Howard doesn't get the notoriety that he used to get on terrestrial. Howard said that they love to bash him in any way they can.
Howard talked about these shows that are bashing him and said that he's not a failure. Howard said Oprah is the one who is a failure. She's got a show losing ratings and she's trying to save the whole thing by moving it to cable. Howard said that they can't call him a failure. Howard said Oprah is a criminal. He said she took that $50 million from XM and ran. You never hear a peep about her being on her own channel there. He said she took that money and she's hardly on her channel. It's all of her friends who are on there and they don't even know how to do radio. Howard said she should be concentrating on that instead of a cable channel. Howard said no one is going to watch her show on cable anyway.
Robin asked if he heard the tearful announcement. Howard said he did but was all scripted. He said that he wanted to play these clips of people bad mouthing him. Howard said this guy Brian Kilmead used to be an Ultimate Fighter announcer. Howard said that guy is a jealous prick and he'd like to get into the ring with him.
Howard said his dad has been screaming about Oprah taking money from XM. He said his dad thinks she should give that money back. Howard said he has more respect for Yoko Ono than he does for Oprah. Howard said this company gave her $50 million but she doesn't mention that she's even on the service when she's talking about retiring. Howard said he'd fly out there and ask her for the money back if they'd let him do that there. Howard said he'd like Steve Langford to come along to cover it. He said he doesn't like this Oprah.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they're talking about how successful they are and they should be talking about the kind of money they're bringing in there with that show. He said if only 6 million followed them there then they have that income coming in from them. Howard said that he can prove 6 million and it might be more than that. They're making about $80 million a month based on those numbers. Howard said that there is no one more influential than this show. Howard said he'd rather own this show than a Twilight franchise. Howard said this Brian Kilmead made his skin crawl. Robin said the guy is just jealous and that's what it's all about.
Howard said the thing that sticks in his craw is that they give Oprah any money there. Robin said they did make the deal with her. Howard said that it was the XM people who made that deal. None of them are there anymore. Howard said they're probably gone because of that deal.
Howard was told that this Brian Kilmead works there at SIRIUS. Howard said that if they want him to stay there when his contract is up, they have to get rid of that guy.
A caller said he heard Howard saying that he read that book ''Outlyers.'' Howard said he read about 20 pages of it and became an expert in it. The caller said he read about 26 pages so he knows a little more than him. Howard said he's now reading a couple of chess books. He mentioned those and spent a minute on that.
The caller asked about Beth's book and when that's coming out. Howard said that should be in April. The guy asked about Artie's new book. That isn't going to be out for a while. The caller said he hopes it's out before they leave so Artie can promote it. Artie said he's not sure when that's coming out. He has his CD and DVD ''Jack and Coke'' out now though.
Lisa got to her news preview and said they have some comments from the guys there about Robin's Jeopardy appearance. Sal said that Robin should take some courses in college so she can get to know some stuff. Richard also said that Robin has tits so she doesn't need brains. That led to Howard playing Richard's song parody ''You Sucked On Jeopardy.''
Lisa said that Superfan Roundtable guest Lori thinks that Ralph is the one who has been drinking the alcohol in the studio. Lisa said that Jason refused to comment when they asked him about it. Howard said that's not cool. Howard said someone is drinking that stuff and that's stealing. He hopes he doesn't find out Ralph has been drinking it.
Howard said that Ralph has access to the studio and he hopes he doesn't find out that he's doing it. If that is the case he wants them to take away his access card to the studio. Lisa said that whoever is doing it is being very sneaky about it and hiding the bottles in the back.
Howard told Jason to come into the studio and comment on this. Jason said that his ''no comment'' was to Lori's comments. Howard asked Jason why he doesn't want to get involved. Jason said that he was asked by Shuli what he thought about what Lori said and he didn't see anything so he had no comment. Jason said Ralph used to bring in Jaeger into the Superfan Roundtable show but he's not sure where it came from. He said they used to be allowed to drink during the show and they have a rule that says they can't now.
Howard asked Jason how he doesn't have gout and Richard does. Jason said that it appears that Richard is more unhealthy than he is.
Howard said that Jason had better not be protecting Ralph. He said that they should learn from the whole Jared thing and come up front immediately. Howard talked about how big Jason has gotten and how he's even bigger than Artie is now.
Howard said that this chick who is allegedly dating Tiger Woods is really hot. They spent a minute on that and then Robin mentioned that Lou Bellera is supposed to be boxing Rodney King soon.
Lisa got back to her news preview and mentioned that ?uestlove from Jimmy Fallon's show talked about how great Artie was on the show recently. She also mentioned that Ronnie the Limo Driver's auto show is returning tonight at 7pm on Howard 101. Howard said if JD doesn't like the show tonight, they're going to cancel it again. Lisa said that Ronnie has said he's going to spice the show up.
Howard said someone sent him a clip from the Jay Leno show and they're ripping off their idea of making people earn their plugs and they water it down so bad on that show.
Howard mentioned that they have this guy coming in to talk about his book about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Howard said that he's still not sure why Brad ended up with her. Robin said they say that he was blinded by pussy. Howard said that when you're a guy like Brad Pitt you want someone who is going to be great in bed. Howard said that if the chick isn't wild then he's going to move on if he has anything going on in his life.
Howard said that Tiger Woods is a goofy looking guy and the chick he's married to is in love with the golf guy, not with Tiger the goofy looking guy. Howard said if you listen to the 911 call that was made from Tiger's neighborhood, it sounds like he lives in a black neighborhood. He said he has to take a break but he'll play that 911 call after that.
Howard said he heard about Gary, Ross and some other guys going up to see Bruce Springsteen and they all text each other asking if ''Yoko'' is there. They refer to Patty Scialfa as Yoko because Bruce is in a different mood when she's not there.
Howard said he loves that they're saying that Tiger Woods' wife beat him up with a golf club. He said Robin brought up how he lives in a housing project. He said that he's got people around him and he should be living on an estate where he doesn't have neighbors. He wanted to play the tape but Fred told him he really had to take a break first. They went to break right after that.
Howard came back and said that he wanted to get to the Tiger Woods 911 call before having this guy Ian Halperin come in. Howard said that Tiger should have a private estate. If he did, no one would have ever called 911. He said it looks like he's living in a development that has a lot of houses around. Howard said the neighbor sounds black to him too. He played the 911 call and the guy sounded southern but Robin didn't think he sounded black to her.
In the 911 call the neighbor asked for an ambulance to be sent out. He said a truck had just hit a tree there. The 911 operator had a hard time getting him to say more. The guy eventually said that the person was laying on the ground. Howard still wasn't sure if the guy was white or black. He figured it could have been a white guy.
Howard said the guy must have been using AT&T for cell service because it sucked. Robin said she just had to switch to Verizon and her friends were telling her that she's so much clearer on that service. Howard said he's not sure what's going on with them.
Howard read another story that this woman wrote about Sarah Palin and why people won't let go of her. Howard said that he can tell her why. Howard said the beauty queen never succeeds but she was able to become Governor. Howard said she didn't do any of the studying but she ended up in that office anyway and that's upsetting people.
Howard said that Ian was dressed in some clothes that make him look like he might not be straight. Ian said he is straight but the only guy he would kiss is Howard. Ian said he's never fantasized about a man. He said he went undercover as a gay man for some Church of Scientology research but he's not gay.
Ian said he did well with the last book and he thanked Howard for helping him out with that. Howard asked Ian about this new book, ''Brangelina: The Untold Story of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie,'' and said he knows how he went undercover. He went into a mental hospital, the same one that Angelina was in about 10 years ago. Ian said he spoke to some people there and did his research there.
Ian said that he had to do some extreme research and he had to say he was suicidal to get in there. He said that he also said that hew as a threat to society to make sure he got in. He said he used the name Billy Bob Jackson while he was there.
Howard said Angelina Jolie was thought of as a kook and a nut while she was wearing a vial of blood and kissing her brother. Howard said she's now like a princess and people all love her. Howard asked who orchestrated this reversal. Ian said that he saw the kiss that Angelina had with her brother and the kiss was open mouth and he thinks they were tonguing. He said that what Angelina did after that was give some misdirection. She checked herself into this hospital and ended up with Billy Bob Thornton. She was told to never be seen in public with her brother again and he's vanished.
Howard said that she must have been able to follow direction because they haven't seen the guy since. They talked about how orchestrated her career seems to be these days and how she's making people think that she's a very giving person.
Ian said that Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston were going to have kids but then Brad worked with Angelina on ''Mr. and Mrs. Smith'' and they fell in love there. Ian said that Brad and Angelina were together before Jennifer and Brad broke up too. He said he found that out in his research.
Howard said that Brad and Angelina had a kid on their own and they've adopted a bunch of kids. Now brad is looking miserable. Howard said Ian claims that they don't even take care of the kids because they have a nanny. One of the kids actually calls the nanny ''Mommy.'' Ian said if that happened to him he'd be upset and step up and stop it.
Ian said that Angelina is trying to adopt a 7th child and Brad's name is not on the paperwork. He said that's the first sign that things aren't going well.
Howard read that Angelina's parents let a 16 year old boy live in the house with them when Angelina was just 14. She and the other kid used to cut themselves. Ian told Howard that she's manipulative and cunning. Howard read some more details about her being admitted into the mental hospital.
Robin asked if he spoke to John Voight. He said he has some stuff in the book about the relationship that John and his daughter have. Ian said that John was a very responsible dad and they make you believe that he wasn't. Ian said that Angelina has turned on her father because of some comments he made about her in the press. Howard said he should shut up in the press and keep that secret. Ian said he tried but Angelina didn't let him meet his grandson so he got upset and went out and spoke to the press.
Howard read about how Angelina hired a hit man to kill herself. Ian said that she hired the guy but reneged at the last minute.
Howard read about how Angelina talked about how good sex was with Billy Bob Thornton. Ian said that he's apparent very well hung but he's said that having sex with her was like having sex with a couch.
Howard read more about the kid who calls the Nanny ''mommy.'' He also talked about Quentin Tarantino saying that he saw Brad acting like a dad when he visited with them. Ian said that Quentin was also smoking has with Brad so maybe he was high when he saw that.
Ian said that Brad appears to be very run down from all of this and he may be a miserable guy. He's probably stressed out from it all too. Howard asked if he's smoking weed to get through it. Ian said that might be part of it. Howard asked if he thinks that Brad has been faithful through all of this. Ian said that he's been seen out with some people but there is no proof that he's had sex with anyone. Ian asked Howard if he'd be happy with Angelina Jolie. Howard said if she was good in bed he'd be fine. When the kids come into play, then he'd be out of there.
Ian asked Howard who he thinks is the number one hot chick in Hollywood. Howard said Megan Fox is hot. He said that Angelina isn't number one. He said that Kate Beckinsale is hot. He put her right up there at number 1.
Ian said that this book isn't sensational like a tabloid. He said it's fair and balanced but he thinks that he knows Angelina better than Brad does at this point. He said that Brad should be the first one in line to read this book. He said Brad obviously jumped into the relationship because of his cock.
Howard gave Ian some plugs for his book ''Brangelina: The Untold Story of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie'' and Ian said they have to make it number one to knock Sarah Palin out of that slot. He said he's also ready for them to come after him trying to get him to stop the book. He said he has an army of lawyers ready to fight them.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Ian to dance with Howard again like he did the last time he was on. Ian reminded Howard that he danced the last time when he was promoting his Michael Jackson book. Howard asked if he would dance to a Miley Cyrus song. Howard got up and did his usual dance moves for Ian. Ian said that was what he did the last time. Howard said Ian was creeping him out with his dance moves.
Howard tried to wrap up with Ian but Ian had more stories that he wanted to tell. Howard took some phone calls too. One guy said that it sounds like Ian doesn't have a single fact about this relationship and he's very ill spoken. He said that the guy is talking about how the relationship was ''toast'' and that's just not right. Ian said that if there is one thing wrong in that book he'll sleep naked in Times Square for a month. Howard gave him another plug for his book and Robin said that her cat's name is actually Brangelina.
Ian said that he knows Artie is clean right now. He asked him if he would be doing drugs if he had 6 kids. Artie said he would have to do them somewhere but not around the kids. He's pretty sure he'd have to do the drugs though.
They spent a couple more minutes talking about the book and some of the stuff they have in it. Ian said he has another book coming out next year but he can't say who it's going to be about. He said if he says who it is he won't be able to write the book. Howard tried to guess who it was but Ian wasn't talking. They spent a minute talking about Tiger Woods and what's going on with him. Ian asked if he thinks that Tiger is cheating. Howard said if he is, it's all about the sex.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that Ian sounds like he woke up with a cock in his mouth. He said he sounds a lot gay to him. Howard asked Ian if Brad Pitt is well hung. Ian said he's medium from what he's found out. He said that he also heard from some people that Brad had problems getting it up for Jennifer Aniston. He heard that she just wasn't that into him. Once he got on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith he fell for Angelina and he was able to get it up.
Howard told Ian that Jennifer Aniston was on the show years ago as a Nutrisystem girl. He said she came in to talk about losing weight. They spent a minute on that.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if Ian's next book will be about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Ian said that book has already been written by a good friend of his. He said that's not what he's working on now.
Howard and Ian also talked about Oprah Winfrey and her friend Gayle King. That led to Howard talking about how Oprah doesn't ever talk about this job she has there at XM.
Howard asked Ian who he thinks acts like a saint but is actually an asshole. Ian said he thinks that Regis Philbin might be one. He said he doesn't think he's an asshole but the album he put out recently isn't good and he should have kept it to his living room and not put it out in public.
Howard asked Ian if he thinks that Obama and his wife are having good sex. Ian said he really doesn't know that because he's never been in the bedroom. He's never heard about what's going on there either. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said there is some flooding going on in England and the name of the town is Cockermouth and on the Today Show they refused to say the name of the town. He played the audio from the show and they wouldn't say the name. Howard said that's funny that they're afraid of offending people with the name of a real town.
Howard said he heard a song he really liked and found out it was James Taylor's son Ben singing it. Howard said he was impressed and he didn't even know who it was. Howard said the name of the song was ''I Try.'' Fred had the song ready to play so he played it for him. They listened to it for a couple of minutes.
Howard said Susan Boyle has a daughter who sings really well too. He played a song and it was actually Wendy the Retard singing ''Sweet Caroline.'' Howard said he'd love to hear that on Coffee House. Artie said there must be someone who is smart enough to make that happen. Howard said he used to think that Robin was until he saw Jeopardy. Howard said he still thinks that Robin is smart. Robin said it really doesn't matter.
Howard mentioned Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas and talked about how she had to have fucked all of the guys in the band. He played some of a cover of ''Paradise City'' she did with some other guys. They had a guy rapping in the song and mentioning the names of everyone who was playing in the band. Howard said that's lame and unnecessary. He liked the song other than that.
Howard said Ozzy Osbourne's nephew is another one who is good on Coffee House. Howard played that song and it was Cliff Palate singing an Ozzy song. Howard said they should replace the songs in their system with those songs so they can get them played on the stations there. Howard wondered if anyone would notice if they did that. He said it would be embarrassing if they didn't get one call about it.
Howard played more of Fergie's ''Paradise City'' and said that she's so good that Slash must have asked her to take the place of Axl Rose.
Howard played another song the guys did with Blue Iris. He said they should take that one and throw it in the rotation on Coffee House. Howard did an impression of an Indian guy answering the phones as customer service. He was fielding calls from angry listeners who were hearing those songs.
Robin asked Howard if he saw the Adam Lambert performance that got banned. Howard said that guy sucks and the song was just bad. He said that's why it got banned. He said if it was a good song people would overlook what he was doing on stage. Robin said he's kind of disturbing looking too. She said he's like Liberace. Howard said he looked stupid doing what he was doing.
Howard had Fred play the new Adam Lambert song so they could hear just how awful it was. Howard said it was really bad. Robin didn't like it either.
Howard read through some of the email he got about the Sour Shoes special and there were a bunch of positive ones. Howard said he knows that Steve has a problem with the guy but he hopes his bias doesn't enter into his newscast.
Steve said they spoke to Sour Shoes about his calls to the show and spoke to his parents about how proud they are of their son.
Howard read some of the negative emails they got from the fans about how bad Sour Shoes Thanksgiving special was. Howard read another one that was positive. He said he can't figure out if the show was a hit or not. Steve said he didn't hear the special. He said it was fascinating to interview his family. They did 10 minutes of news stories about what was going on there.
Howard played some of the prank calls that Sour Shoes recorded to make to Steve Langford. Sal and Richard used those calls to prank Steve over a couple of years.
After playing the prank calls Steve got back to his news preview. He said they spoke to Sour Shoes dad and he was telling them how great their son is and how he's a wholesome guy. Howard said if he had a job they'd be really proud of him.
Steve said they have a story about Bruce Dumont having an alleged raid on his house because his roommate allegedly had some child porn on his computer. Howard said he can't imagine that the guy would be involved in anything like that since he's the head of the Radio Hall of Fame. Howard said he hopes that Bruce wasn't involved in that. Howard and Artie ended up goofing on Wendy Williams about the way she reacted when she was inducted into that Radio Hall of Fame thing.
Steve get in some plugs for Ronnie's auto show and the Greg Fitzsimmons show that are airing tonight. Jon Hein then came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon quickly ran through his list of subjects for today's show.
Jon mentioned the Richard Christy not showering for 4 days thing and Howard said that he caught a whiff of himself in the bathroom and he just showered last night. Howard said someone else caught a whiff of Richard out there and he was grossed out by that. Artie said that Richard might be at the point where he just has to have his foot removed. Howard said that might be easier.
Richard came in and said that he has brushed his teeth. He said he's been told to drink cherry juice to take care of the gout. He said he'd like to smell Howard to see if he smells down there. Robin said he wouldn't be able to smell anything through his own stink.
Howard mentioned that he'd love to interview Dan Aykroyd on the show but he saw that he was on some lame MSNBC show. Howard said he doesn't know why that guy has never been on the show. He said the interview he watched was kind of fun but he's not getting the exposure he'd get on this show.
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Robin read a story about a CD that's coming out with the Pope doing his thing on it. Howard had some of the audio of that to play. He ended up doing his impression of the Pope for a short time. Howard wondered who relates to that stuff on the CD. Howard said you'd have to know the language to get into it.
Robin read a story about the top songs of the past 10 years that a magazine put out. She read through the list and Howard said that was like one of Meg Griffin's magazines.
Robin read a story about a guy who fell in a cesspool and was rescued. Howard said that if Richard fell in there he'd probably smell better.
Robin read a story about a man who had to choose to rescue either his wife or his son from their car when it went into a river. The guy saved his wife and their 13 year old son drowned. Robin said that the guy tried to get to his son but he was unable to. He was able to get to his wife so he saved her. Howard said he knew that wasn't real. Robin said that he did save the one that was easiest to get to. Howard said that would be a tough choice. He said that you can get a new wife. Robin said it must be tough to live with.
Robin read a story about home schooling and how they're saying that parents might need to undergo criminal background checks before they're allowed to home school. Robin said that they say they should be vetted just like a real teacher would be.
Howard said he saw a news report about how Rhode Island has allowed 16 year olds to strip in strip clubs. JD came in and said that it was a whole discussion about it and it wasn't just a story. He said he didn't pull the opening to the discussion but he can do it if he wants. Howard told him to forget about it. He told him to listen to Ronnie's show tonight because if it's bad, he's going to have him pull it again. JD said he will listen and he will be honest about it. That led to Artie doing his ''guy who laughs at everything'' character for a second. JD ran out of the studio.
Robin read a story about a Latrell Sprewell having some money problems. He had his house repossessed after starting to miss payments in 2008. The house is due to be auctioned off in January. They had to go to break after that.
After the break, around 10:30am, Howard came right back and said that Hanzi Twittered to that Brian Kilmead guy and asked about the comments he made about him not bringing an audience back. Brian tweeted back to the guy and said that Howard has lost his profile over the years since he moved to SIRIUS. Howard said the guy isn't a fan because he didn't answer the question honestly.
Robin got back to her news and read some stuff about the Tiger Woods incident. Robin said that Tiger spoke to a friend on Friday and the friend said that he was told that his wife had gone ghetto on him and his face was scratched up by her. The friend had a bunch of details about what went on and he spilled it all to the media.
Robin read about how Alec Baldwin is threatening to retire from 30 Rock when his current contract is up. Howard said he doesn't believe that. He thinks that he'll stick around. Howard said the guy is a great actor.
Robin read a story about former President Bush and how he's taking his father's advice not to comment on our current President. He's also out on the lecture circuit making a ton of money doing that. Howard and Artie figured that must be one boring lecture.
Robin read a story about how some studies say that the Bush administration could have had Osama bin Laden back in 2001 but they let him slip out of their fingers.
Howard said he couldn't stop thinking about this Tiger Woods thing. He said that the wife wasn't a model before she married Tiger. She was a traveling nanny. Howard said that this is just the tip of the iceberg. He said there will be more to come out about this whole thing. Gary said that she's also got a twin and her sister took over as the nanny for the golfer that she was working for before he married Tiger.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him that Tiger has another house on Jupiter Island. Howard wondered why he wasn't there instead of the other place. The caller said he heard that the wife burned out a room in the house. Howard said he didn't know if that was true or not. The caller asked if he could get a tour of the studio. Howard said sure and put him on hold. Howard said that Gary can do it, it's no skin off his back.
Robin read a story about an anti-war protest that Cindy Shehan was part of. She had some audio of Cindy talking to a reporter about what she was doing. She said she's not going to stop until they get the troops back home. She's also against the drone warfare too. Robin had some audio of someone speaking on a megaphone too so Howard got on his megaphone and did an impression of that. Howard said that Obama doesn't seem to be doing so well so far. Howard said that they have to pull the troops out of Afghanistan and Iraq and just get away from that. Howard was having some problems with his megaphone today so Artie had to give him his.
Robin read that the couple that snuck into the Obama event is trying to make some money doing an interview so there's some bidding going on to get their first interview. Howard said that SIRIUS should put up the money for the interview. He said they want him to do something big so this is something they could do. Howard said that they'd get more publicity doing this than with 50,000 TV ads. Howard said they should put up like 500,000 bucks and maybe another $100,000 to have the wife ride the Sybian. Howard said he'd rather do this than go to the Super Bowl like they want him to.
Robin read some Black Friday news. That led to them talking about the upcoming holidays and Howard talking about how much he hates that Rockefeller Plaza Christmas tree. Howard said he's against that whole thing. Howard said that all of these nudniks come to the city to see the tree that they cut down and put up there. They kill these gorgeous trees to stick them up there in the city. He said they don't need to have a dead tree there. Howard said they used to use a live tree but now they kill it. He said he's no tree hugger but he does love trees.
Howard played some audio of Sal interviewing some people down at Rockefeller Plaza and making up a story about how the Jews were protesting the tree. He had some people explaining why they should have the tree there. Howard said that Richard Christy went and stared at that tree for four hours one day. He sat at a wine bar and looked at that thing for four hours.
Robin had some news about Chris Brown and Rihanna news. She said that Chris Brown is doing an interview for 20/20 but he won't be performing. Robin said that Chris is saying that he'd like Rihanna to stop talking about the incident they had.
Robin read some news about a transsexual who committed suicide. He was 52 years old. Robin read that he was a journalist and he was planning on going through with the surgery but he ended up backing out. Howard said it rarely works out. Robin read some of the things the guy said back in 2007. He blogged about the transition and then took a leave of absence. He took hormone therapy but ended up backing out of the surgery and returned to work last year. Howard said there are girls who can't pull off looking good. It's really tough when it's a guy.
Robin read a story about a guy who kept his dead wife in bed for 5 years after she died. He wanted her there to hug her in bed. Howard said that's kind of sweet. Robin said this was a Vietnamese man who ended up digging up his dead wife. He put her in some clothes and put her in the bed. The guy slept on top of her grave for about 20 months before digging her up and taking her home.
Robin read about Serena Williams outburst at the U.S. Open and how she's being fined $82,500 for the tirade.
Robin read some quick details about the box office take for ''The Twilight Saga: New Moon'' and how it was number one. Robin had some audio of Jake Gyllenhaal talking about being excited about a new movie he has coming out. That led to the guys talking about how of course they'd be into doing a movie. It means being on the set of a movie for a few months and doing some cool stuff. Robin read about Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon possibly breaking up.
Robin had some audio of Jason Reitman talking about a new movie he has coming out. Howard said he's bothered by his success for some reason. Howard said his father is successful enough and they should spread that success to another family.
Robin said ''Ninja Assassins'' is finally in theaters. She said that they saw it months ago. She had some audio of someone talking about the movie and how great one of the guys was in it.
Robin read that Tom Arnold got married again over the weekend. Howard said ''Yeah, that'll work out.'' Robin said he had some famous people at his wedding like Mike Myers.
Robin said that Jason Alexander and Fran Drescher hosted a wedding in Australia. Howard said they must have been paid very well to do that. Howard said he'd even do that if the money was right. Artie guessed they got paid about $200,000 to appear. Howard said he'd even do it for $200,000.
Robin said that David Hasselhoff has been drinking and he recently suffered a seizure from drinking too much. Howard said he's not sure why people would be so surprised at that guy drinking. Robin read that his wife was arrested for DUI too.
Robin read that Nick Hogan was involved in another car accident over the weekend. He was returning from an appearance he made when he was in the accident. They had to end the show after that.
Gary said he played Rock and Roll Jeopardy so he knows how it works. There are lights on the side that tell you when you can hit the buzzer. He said if you buzz in early then you get locked out. Gary said there is a big timing issue there. Jon asked if he thinks she locked up because she flustered so early. He said he felt bad for her in the beginning. Gary said he thought that she would have told them off the air how bad it was but she never did say anything.
Gary said that Robin not telling them that she didn't do well kind of led them to believe that she did do well. Gary said they had no idea how bad it was going to be.
Jon said that Robin claimed that she had the one dollar at the end and beat Julie Bowen by that one dollar. Gary figured that Fred was going to come in with all kinds of jokes about Julie because he beat her in Win Fred's Money and he was all over her about that.
A caller asked Gary if he was upset that they didn't spend much time on Robin like they did with his pitch. Jon said that it might not be over yet. He said that they could continue to talk about it more this week. Gary said he thinks Howard is done with it after today. He said the listeners may call in and goof on her but Howard should be done with it.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks Robin is over it. Gary said it probably still bothers her. He said he doesn't mind busting her balls about it.
Jon asked Gary what the logic was about Robin being asked to come back since she had a dollar and how Julie wouldn't be asked back because she had zero. Gary said he doesn't agree with that. He said he thinks that Julie might be asked back because she's very animated when she gets excited about getting a question right. He said that was fun to watch when she did that.
Richard Christy said he wouldn't have done any better and he respects Robin for having the guts to go and do it.
Gary said that the time he did the Rock and Roll Jeopardy he froze up during practice. He said the guy who went to bat for him came out to him and told him that he was making him look bad. He ended up coming through in the taping of the show though.
Richard said he's impressed with these people who know so much stuff. He said it's shocking how much some people know.
Gary said that they moved the show out of New York because they had so many weird people showing up to play the game.
A caller asked Gary if he gets aggravated that they play the shows over and over there. He said it must be tough. Gary said that he didn't listen to much of the show last week so he didn't hear the countdown with his pitch. He said he didn't hear too much from the fans or anything. He said it didn't really bother him. Gary said Artie was at his best during that segment and he had come to life after being asleep for weeks on the show.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she's a big fan of all of them but she's kind of a new fan. She said that she thinks Robin is very intelligent and Jeopardy isn't a measure of intelligence, it's just random shit. She said the score doesn't mean anything. She also thinks that it took a lot of guts to go on the show and she doesn't think she'd do any better than Robin did. Gary said that's a rational way of looking at it but not everyone can look at it that way. There are some people who think that she's not that smart based on the game.
The caller also said that Gary's pitch doesn't mean that he's not athletic. Gary said he loves her as a caller. She was giving all of the right answers for him.
Gary said he was trying to take someone they know and put him in the same position as Robin. He said maybe if they put George Lopez on the show and he didn't do well, would they think less of him if he didn't win. The guys wondered why Gary threw George's name in there. Gary said he was just coming up with a random name. He said he likes George. They had to go to break a short time later.
Richard said he doesn't feel the need to take a shower every day. He said he may have showered on Thursday but he really has no idea. Gary said there's no way he showered on Thursday. He said he should have shown up clean for Thanksgiving dinner.
Richard said he doesn't know for sure if he has gout. He said he's going to Gary's doctor today to find out what it is. He said he's heard that it can be hereditary. Richard said that he was told to eat cherries to get rid of it if it is gout.
Richard said he ate a lot of ham over the weekend and he's addicted to it. He said it's the same ham he sent to the office last year. Gary said that last year Richard couldn't believe that they didn't love it as much as he did.
Benjy said that there aren't many diseases that they start off with the word ''the.'' Gary said ''the plague'' is one.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he gets gout and he's gotten it for years. He said that the doctor will probably prescribe something for him that will take care of it completely. The guy said that it can be really painful and you can't even put a sheet on your foot. The caller said it has a lot to do with drinking and the kind of foods you eat. He said the folic acid in your blood crystallizes and it's unbelievably painful.
Jon asked Richard if he will change his diet now. Richard said he's been trying to eat healthier but the weekends are what kill him. He said he drinks a lot on weekends. Jon asked when he started drinking on Thanksgiving. He said he started around 9. He said he didn't really drink a lot this weekend though.
Jon asked Richard about the new song that Howard played this morning. They spent a minute talking about that and how fast Richard can play drums. Richard said he can do that when he doesn't have the gout. He said he hopes to have it gone by this weekend.
Richard said the song that he wrote was about a town in Oklahoma that he went and visited this year. He said that it was really creepy and that's what inspired the song.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked where this gout is at. Richard said it's in his big toe. The caller said he's had the same problem and it's a build up of uric acid and it's also a form of arthritis. He said he wasn't even able to put the sheets on his foot when he'd sleep. Richard said he was the same way. Richard said he was going a little nuts on Thanksgiving eating. He said that continued into the weekend.
A caller told Richard how great his song was and how Howard and the guys have no clue about metal music. He said that Richard would win hands down if they had a secondary talent contest on the show. Gary said that he agrees he's a really good drummer but he's not sure they should have a contest every week on the show. The caller said that he's not sure why Richard doesn't step in and talk about cool music when they talk about the greatest bands of all time. The guy said that Tool is amazing. Gary said they're just okay. The caller said ''fuck you Gary!'' and continued to talk about how great they are.
Richard said everyone has different opinions on music and he understands why Howard doesn't play the stuff he likes on the show.
Jon asked Gary what kind of competition they'd have with secondary talents on the show. Gary said that Scott would bowl, Fred would play guitar, Benjy would hula hoop... he's not sure what Robin would do. Jon wasn't sure what he would do either.
Another caller said that he knows Gary gets his balls busted all the time about the baseball thing but it doesn't mean he's not athletic. He said that Robin's appearance on Jeopardy doesn't mean that she's not smart. Gary said that people do judge you on that one thing though. The guy was also talking about the band thing and saying that Tool is good but they haven't been around as long as the bands they talk about on the show. They had to end the show after that.
Howard started the show talking about doing his thing with the equipment there. Artie said it must be kind of sexy for a chick to see him doing his thing there. Howard said it seems to be impressing Artie. Artie said it does seem to be gaying him up.
Robin said she was on a plane that took a big bump the other day. She said one girl in the front threw up. She said it was the back landing gear that hit the ground hard. She said that they told everyone it was okay if they had an accident and to just raise their hands if they did.
Howard asked Robin what she did yesterday after the show. Robin said she was stymied by the weather. She was supposed to run but the weather kept her inside. Howard told her that she has to talk to him about the running thing. He said he got some help that was unbelievable and he can help her out. Howard said he had a problem running and he got this help and it's amazing what it did for him.
Howard said he learned this Romanoff technique years ago and it was good but there are subtle techniques to use that help out. He said his friend Pat took him out for a run and taught him some stuff and now he's running faster than ever and pain free. Robin said she might have to meet up with Pat to figure that out. Howard said she should.
Artie said he might have another customer there. He said he'd listen to everything he has to say. Howard said he really gets the technique now. He said he used to get messed up on a treadmill but now he's having no problems. Howard said he doesn't love running but he likes being in shape.
Howard said he did 3.6 miles on the treadmill yesterday. It's really boring though. Robin said it's like death. Howard said he got a new mirror in the closet and he took off his pants to see how he looked. He was looking at his ass and he said it looked horrible. He said his ass has been breaking out and he's got ass pimples on it. He said it's such a bad ass and he thought running would help it. He's losing weight just fine but his ass never gets better. He said he still has a belly or a ''gunt.'' He said he's 6'5'' tall and weighs 190 pounds and it's impossible to still have that ass.
Howard said this kid in Twilight claims he worked out for a couple of months and looked the way he did. Robin said it's his genetics. Howard said it's not fuckin' fair. He said his ass looks like an elephant's ass. He said it's horrible.
Howard said he was reading about Jennifer Aniston in the paper today and she credits Yoga for her body. Howard said this woman has put out a video of the Yoga she's doing. He was thinking about doing that. Artie said his sister does that Yoga stuff. Howard said his sister has a great ass and a sweet little body. Artie said he thinks they've covered that. Howard kept talking about how hot she was and Artie just wanted to move along.
Artie said Howard is thin and that's working. Howard said he wants to be ripped though. He said he's not Mcdreamy or Mcsteamy, he's Mcdouchebag.
Robin said that Mario Lopez had a personal statement from her. She said that Mario talked to her and she told him that she's never had an affair with Tiger Woods. Howard said he was reading about all of that and according to her she's never even hung out with him. Howard said he thinks that she has the Enquirer on this one. She said she's just looking for a nice guy and this whole thing is going to wreck her.
Howard said he's starting to feel bad for this girl. He said she has a full two pages of denial in the paper. He said he was reading that this girl's job is to bring big names into clubs and stuff but there was this girl hanging around with her who heard her talking about getting Tiger Woods a table at this place and she took that and told people she was having an affair with him. Meanwhile she claims she's never met Tiger Woods.
Howard said Tiger is acting more bizarre than ever. Howard said Tiger should go out and talk about what happened but he's playing it all hush-hush. Howard said they're issuing warrants and stuff trying to figure out what's really going on.
Howard said if it's true that Tiger's wife got mad over a lie then he might have to have a pass to go out and cheat now. Howard said he's not sure who to believe.
Howard said this guy's name was Tareq Salahi and it's amazing the guy got into the White House with the name like that. He said he got in and even got his name announced. Robin said the wife is the one in the pictures too. The husband just pushes her forward.
Howard read about this couple and how the wife, Michaele, got into the Washington Redskins cheerleader thing. He said that they break into really lame stuff. Howard said that he can't even blame the Secret Service for that. He said that they'd never figure that a couple would want to break into something so lame.
Robin said they had a red carpet at that event and it looked so boring with the people who were walking the carpet. They had people like Nancy Pilosi and the news people walking that carpet.
Howard said he thinks that ABC did the right thing by canceling Adam Lambert's Good Morning America appearance. Howard said his song sucks. He said the guy can't be trusted because of the stuff he does in his act so they backed out of letting him do anything on ABC. Howard said he did a whole thing on a music award show and ABC didn't want that on Good Morning America. Howard said they can't trust the guy because he lied about what he was doing on the music award show.
Howard said this Adam Lambert doesn't have any good music and it sounds like he's just going through the motions when he's singing. Howard said the guy can kind of sing but the songs are bad and his whole album is horrible.
Howard said he can't be trusted himself and he knows what it's like for networks to tell him that they can't put him on. That's okay with him because he's not looking to be on those kind of shows.
Howard said that the Salahi couple was supposed to be on Larry King's show but they apparently backed out of it. Howard said there are times when they ask him to go out and do a show from somewhere like the Super Bowl. Howard said that's what they asked him to do there at SIRIUS but he had to ask himself if he could really do a good show from something like that. Howard said they tell him that all of the celebrities will be there but then he wonders who is actually going to do the show. Howard said he told them there that they shouldn't waste their money on something like that. Howard said they told him there would be buzz but he told them that they should save their money. He wanted them to take the money they were going to spend on that and use it to get the Salahi's there.
Howard said the Salahi couple are out partying but they're apparently having financial problems. Howard said he doesn't get how that works. Robin said they could end up on the street tomorrow but they don't seem to care.
Howard said if they got them on the show they'd have huge promotion for SIRIUS. Howard said he never did hear from Mel or Scott about it. Artie said Mel could probably negotiate with them and get them in there for 50 grand.
JD came in and Howard asked if he listened to the whole show. JD said he did listen to it all and he pulled clips. Howard read more email and there wasn't one positive one.
Howard read more of the email and it was one negative one after the other. Fred said there was one that was almost positive but not quite. Howard kept reading the negative stuff and more people were talking about how annoying the chick on the show was. People were asking Howard to give the power to JD to cancel the show again.
Ronnie came in and said he expected all of this. He said he knew they were going to get slammed even if it was the best show ever. Howard said some people liked the way Ronnie would answer the phone ''What's your problem?''
Howard did find one positive email about the show. Ronnie said he knew this was coming no matter what. Howard asked JD if there were any good clips from the show. JD said there were some and he pointed him toward one of them.
Howard played the clip where Ronnie was asking his co-hosts about the consumer credit situation. The guys were droning on and on about that so Howard stopped it and sighed like it was really bad. Howard said he had no idea what they were talking about. Ronnie said they did have people calling in about this stuff. He said that Jim McClure told him it was a good show too. Howard said he got some email from the higher ups there and they didn't like it. Ronnie asked if it was Tim Sabean. Howard said it was.
Howard took a call from Corky the guy who walked off the Auto Show last time. Ronnie said he didn't want to hear him. Corky said that he knows how to last and he can weigh in on how to have sex with your lady and stuff like that. Howard said they tried to have him on but he left. Corky said he had to leave because he didn't want to be around those people. Ronnie said he left because he's a psycho. He said he walked out sweating with his shirt off.
Howard said all he knows is that Corky acted like a lunatic and walked out of there. Corky didn't know what he was talking about and wondered how he was acting like a lunatic. Howard said he walked out after saying he was going to do the show. Corky said he thought he was going to do the show with Ronnie. Howard said they gave Corky a chance and he walked out. Howard said he's a baby. Corky wondered why he was calling him a baby. Howard told him he should have just done his thing instead of walking out like a baby.
Ronnie said Corky got all insulted that he wasn't on the show from the beginning. He said he got all sweaty and ended up running out of the place. Howard said Corky is fucking nuts. Corky told them to give him a break. He said he didn't want to be a part of that. Ronnie asked him what he wanted to be a part of then. He told Corky to go back to sleep.
Howard said he gave Corky a shot at going in there and he ran out. Howard said Ronnie can't stand the guy but he was willing to work with him that day and he didn't even stick around to do it. Corky said it was like 100 degrees up there that day. He had to walk 6 blocks to get there too.
Howard said they gave Corky a chance and he didn't take advantage of that. Corky said he wanted a chance to fix the show. Howard said they gave him a chance already. Corky kept saying he was in there to do the show with Ronnie and not the other people. Howard said he could have told them that on the air that day. Corky asked for another shot. Howard said he's not sure he wants to do that and he's not even sure if the show is going to be on the air. He said JD could pull it from the air again.
Corky was complaining about the spotlights being on him that day he was there. Ronnie laughed and said that was just studio lights. Ronnie said it may have been Howard TV filming that night. Howard told Corky that maybe show business isn't for him.
Howard said if he's complaining about the lights and the car dealers then maybe it's not for him. Ronnie said he was insulting the chick who did nothing to him. Howard told Corky he had an opportunity to do it and he blew it. Howard said he just doesn't have what it takes. He said he's not a broadcaster. He blew it. Corky said he didn't blow it and he wants another chance to do it.
Corky kept asking for another chance but Howard kept turning him down. Corky was telling Howard about what was going on last night on the show and complaining about the stuff they were talking about. Howard said Corky had his shot and ran out so that's that. He said he's not going to give him another shot. Howard said the guy had a chance to do the show but everything was bothering him. He could have talked about that on the air that night but he walked out. Howard said the guy talks a good game but he ran out on them.
Ronnie said Corky cracked. Corky said he didn't crack and he didn't know what he was talking about. Corky said that he was uncomfortable that night. Howard said if that isn't cracking he doesn't know what is. Ronnie said the guy showed up with a bag full of notes and stuff and the next thing he knew he was running out of there saying he had to get out of that place. Artie said that even AJ Benza lasted for 2 months.
Howard and Ronnie let Corky go. Howard said he likes the guy but maybe he should just call in on the phone. Ronnie said he should have called in last night. He said he'll take his calls.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if JD pulled a clip of Ronnie trying to talk about used cars and confusing everyone in the studio. Ronnie said he did get a little twisted during that part of the show.
Howard played the clip of that segment where Ronnie asked about the advantages of buying a used car. Ronnie asked one of the guys what some of the advantages of used cars are. The guys were kind of confused by what he was asking. One guy was saying the biggest advantage is that the car has depreciated.
Howard said the show does sound kind of confusing. Howard said he heard that Ronnie gets confused by the music they play behind him. Ronnie said that's not true.
Howard said the show sounds like one of those shows that Sal and Richard would prank. Howard played one of Sal and Richard's prank calls to a radio show that was very boring. That's the kind of calls that they could have been making to Ronnie's show. Sal and Richard called in a bunch of times giving the hosts of the show a hard time. They would throw out sex questions and freak out the host.
After that Ronnie said he'd love to get calls like that on his show. He said it would have been awesome if they had called in.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he loves the show but he listened to Ronnie's show hoping that Richard and Sal would call in and prank it. He said he listened to the show for a half hour and then drove off a bridge. Ronnie said he wanted to bring in strippers to talk about cars but they wouldn't let him do it.
Howard took another call from a guy who wished him condolences on the show. He figured that it was going to die off.
Howard asked JD what he thinks about this show and if he's going to cancel it again. JD said he felt bad about it the last time since he didn't listen. This time he took the time this time to listen to it and said that he has to cancel it. JD said that he can have another type of show there, it's just the topic of the show that's not interesting. Howard said he should bring in a whole new show instead of this one.
Ronnie said that they have some ideas for another show called ''What's Your Problem?'' where anyone could call in with problems to talk about. He said that he and Richie Wilson were talking about that.
Howard said maybe he could have JD on the show. Ronnie said they can have guys on the show like that. Howard said he should have a show called Ronnie's Whore Room where he talks to whores who love to fuck and stuff. Ronnie said he could do that too. He said they could throw some car stuff into that.
Howard took a call from Wayne Segal who was one of the guys on the Auto Show. Wayne said that there were people calling in with legitimate questions and they were answering them in an honest way. Ronnie asked if he wanted to be on a whore show if they did one. Wayne said ''Sure!'' He said he's willing to talk about cars, whores or whatever.
JD said he's sticking to his decision and canceling the show. Ronnie seemed to be fine with that. He said he can come up with some other subject to talk about. Artie said that Seinfeld's show was only picked up for four episodes when they started out. You never know what's going to happen.
Howard played a prank call the guys made using Ronnie's voice from one of his other Auto Shows. They had Ronnie yelling at a guy on the phone about how much the new Camaro sucks.
Howard asked JD if he's okay with Ronnie getting some other kind of show. JD said he's fine with that. Howard wrapped up with Ronnie and told him to go work on another show. He said he might get some chicks on the show instead. Howard said that was them putting the car show into the crematorium.
Howard said they have to take a break but they have Perez Hilton coming in and they'll be playing Win Fred's Money with a guy. If the guy loses he's going to get tea bagged by Sal. He wasn't able to find a girl to come in to get naked if he loses. He'll be getting a chocolate bandit mask. Artie said it sounds like the guy might be smart if he can't find a girl to bring in. They went to break after that.
Howard came back in the middle of a discussion with JD about Michael Jackson. They were talking about a psychic who claims they can speak to the dead. Howard talked about this old psychic that used to speak to the dead celebrities. Howard said this guy over in England claims he was speaking to Michael Jackson from the dead.
Howard said he just watched Bruno again and he thinks it's brilliant. Robin said that she gets a lot of mixed reviews on that movie. Howard said he was watching Bruno and he went to a psychic and tried to contact Milli from Milli Vanilli. Bruno then starts making out with Milli and then gives him a reach around blow job and jerks off the ghost. The psychic looked like he wanted to throw up from it.
Howard said this guy in England had a whole thing going on. Howard played the clip of the guy contacting Michael Jackson. In the clip the psychic was asking a guy if he could speak to Michael and another guy was putting on a voice like he was contacting the dead. Howard said the guy wasn't even speaking directly to Michael Jackson. He was speaking to someone else who was speaking to Michael. The guy was whispering as he was speaking for Michael.
Howard said this guy is crying hysterically as he's talking to Michael. Howard said it was great TV apparently. Robin said she loved it. The guy was crying as the other guy was speaking to Michael Jackson. Howard wondered if he could continue speaking if he saw a guy crying like a mental patient like that.
Howard went into his Michael Jackson voice and Robin said she was doing an impression of Howard's impression over the whole vacation. She was doing the thing that Howard was doing where Michael was coming up with his song ''Beat It.''
Howard played more of the psychic and the whacko crying. Howard said that kid is going to end up killing himself based on what he was hearing. The hosts of the show eventually have to take a break. Howard said he hates psychics. He said that they take advantage of retarded people. They use people. Robin said it's no different than religion. Howard said they're all crazy.
Artie said that he was that way with the Yankees and people would tell him that it was like a religion. He said he'd be fine with it if it was.
Robin said there was someone who saw Jesus on an iron so they took it and put it away to save it and went out to buy a new one. Howard said Beth is getting in touch with a pet psychic and he had to tell her that it's going to make her mental if she really falls for that. Howard said he doesn't want her using his money to pay a person like that.
Howard said Beth went to a psychic one time after some people told her how great the person was. Howard said they were out at a resort at the time. Howard said girls love that kind of shit. He said all women love it for some reason. Robin said she loves it. She said she and her friends go. Howard said that makes him mental. He said he never wants to hear about it on the air.
Howard said that Beth went to the psychic and the woman told her that the guy she was with would never marry her. Howard said that he had to marry her because of that. Howard said Beth came back all shaken up and really rattled. He asked her to tell him what the psychic told her and said that she has to trust him. Beth told him that the psychic told her that he was a bum and he was using her. Howard said he was serious about her and he said ''What the fuck!?'' Howard said he wanted to make an appointment with this psychic so he could hit her over the head with a metal pipe. Beth didn't want him to do anything though.
Howard said he went out hunting around for this psychic. He said that it was making him nuts. He said he went to the front desk and asked for an appointment. Howard said it cost him $200. He said that she was screwing with his life and he didn't go there to get fucked over. Howard said he told the guy at the front desk that it's all fake and he can't believe it's true.
Howard said he had it made and this asshole psychic was ruining it for him. He said he wasn't able to get an appointment with the psychic because he was so mental over the whole thing. Howard said he went to dinner that night and there was an old lady sitting at the bar. Howard said Beth walked in and told him that it was the psychic. Howard said that he went charging up there and Beth asked him to please not do anything. Howard said she was going to freak out if he did anything. Howard said that was killing him and this woman who was fucking up his entire vacation was sitting right there. Howard said it was unbelievable.
Howard said he's staying out of the dog psychic thing. He said the psychic claims he can speak to pets. Howard said Beth wants to know what Bianca is allergic to. Howard said the dog isn't going to know. Robin said she had a psychic for her horse and she told her that the horse liked carrots. That was it.
Howard said Beth had one other question for the dog. He said she had the allergy question and something else. That led to him playing a prank that Sal and Richard did on their Jack and Rod Show. They had a woman on the show who reads tarot cards and they had audio clips of Hank the Dwarf speaking to her. She had no idea that Hank has been dead since 2001. She read her cards and eventually told them that he sounded dead to her already. They had Hank telling her that he wanted her to sit on his lap and they'd talk about the first thing that popped up.
Howard said these psychics are real dangerous people. He said that there are many who have their lives ruined by them. Howard said he knows one guy who shells out thousands of dollars a week paying for one. He said that's a tragedy for the guy.
A caller said he used to watch a woman's kids on the weekend while she worked and this psychic told her that a guy by the name of Ray was going to come into her life and it happened. She broke up with him over that so she could see if this guy Ray was ''The one.'' The caller said that relationship didn't work out. Big surprise.
Howard said he knows a woman who was told by a psychic that she would find her soul mate eventually but the man she's with now isn't that man. Howard said these psychics are assholes.
Howard told some other stories about people he knows who go to psychics and are told stuff about their spouses that aren't true. They actually stop talking to their families because of what the psychics have told them. Gary came in and said that's like being mad at someone for something they did to you in a dream.
Gary said he had a girlfriend years ago who went to a psychic while they were at a fair and the woman broke up with her the next day. Gary said he knows that she broke up with him over whatever it was the psychic told her.
Gary said he went to a psychic one time and brought some pictures of him and his brother and some of him and his girlfriend. He said he took one picture of him and a complete stranger. He put the pictures there and the psychic could tell that there was a deep connection between him and that stranger. That's when he knew it was bullshit.
Gary was looking over at Artie and he was shocked by something. Gary said he just looked odd for a moment. He thought he was going to fall asleep or something. Artie said he was fine. Artie said it's funny that he shocked someone like that. Gary said he thought he was going to tip over.
Howard said his mom went to a psychic once. He said that she wanted to know if she was going to be alright. Howard had to cut himself off because Artie was making his weird squeaking noise again. Howard said he was trying to get used to the sound. Fred was playing some sound effects that sounded like his squeak.
Howard said his mom went to this psychic and she came back and told him what she had been told. Howard said he wanted to hear the tape of what this psychic told her. Howard said his mom claimed she didn't tell the psychic details of anything that she told the psychic. Howard said she taped the session and he listened to it. He said his mom went in there crying and she actually kept talking throughout the whole thing and told the psychic everything. Howard said his mom spilled her guts and didn't even realize it.
Gary was having problems with his computer so they had a computer guy in there fixing it. The guy's name was Suresh so they talked about his name being the same as the guy on Heroes. Howard told him that he hopes he has a super power to get that computer fixed.
Howard said that Gary has a lot of porn to catch up on. He said he was on that HousewifeKelly.com again the other day and he was watching some of the stuff they were doing. They have a lot of fun. Howard said thates seeing chicks spitting on a guys penis and that's what they were doing in some of that stuff.
Artie said he has a cool computer set up in his place now. He said Jeff Schick came over and set him up. He said that he's just getting into that stuff and he's not sure about the porn stuff. He wondered if he could get kiddie porn on there accidentally. Howard said that you have to be careful about that stuff.
Howard heard that Artie's road manager is driving his Mercedes around. Artie said that he had to drive him up to Albany recently and on the way down they got pulled over. They were doing 87 in a 55 but the trooper was a fan of the show and let them go. Artie said that his road manager is driving around in his car that he busted his ass to buy.
Artie said he's lost his license a bunch of times and he knows what this stuff is like. Howard said he knew that Artie was upset about his driver driving his Mercedes because he got a bunch of reports about him eating a bunch of times. Artie said he's eating and smoking constantly. He said that's what he does when he's under pressure.
Artie told some stories about stopping to eat and how he was bloated by the time they got to the gig. Artie said he probably put a few pounds on over the past few months. Howard said Oprah Winfrey is huge now too.
Artie said they got to the gig up in Albany and finished up with that. They headed home and he had to have a slice of pizza when he got home. Artie said it was 2:30 in the morning. He said he knew of the one place that was open and he went there to get the pizza. He said that everyone knows him there. He said he got 3 huge slices and a huge Coke. Artie said he got out of his car and had trouble getting out of it.
Howard asked what Artie's girlfriend thinks of all of this eating. Artie said she's a size 0 and she has a steak and that's it. She hardly has to exercise or anything. Artie said she eats gummy bears and steak and she stays thin. Howard said he hates that.
Howard asked if Richard went to see the foot doctor. Robin said he had and he did have gout. Richard came in and told Howard he got a shot in his foot and it was really painful. Howard said that wouldn't bother him. Richard went on to talk about the pills he got a prescription for and he didn't even know what they were. He said all he knows is that he can't drink for a week.
Howard asked Richard if he's going to get a grip on his lifestyle now. Richard said it's going to be hard around the holidays like this. He said they have to go to Howard's party soon and that's going to be tough not to drink at.
Howard said he's having a staff party and they should be sending out the emails soon. Howard said they have a list of everyone who is invited and Beth is going to email everyone about it. Howard said they've been too crazed with the whole apartment thing to send out cards. Richard said he got his email last night and the place looks really nice.
Howard said they're going to have an open bar too. He said that Richard is probably going to drink so much he'll screw up the price per person. Richard said he'll restrain himself at the party because he knows everyone will be watching. He didn't seem to care about the whole Gout thing. Richard said drinking is so much fun that it's hard not to do it.
Howard read that Sal didn't get an invite and he was upset about it. Howard said Sal is invited and he's not sure why he didn't get one. Richard asked what ''Christmas attire'' is. Howard said he's not sure what Beth meant by that.
Howard said Gary is all worried about doing secret Santa this year. Howard said he's out since he's doing the party this year. Robin said that they voted to do it already. Gary said that everyone comes to him and asks if they're doing it or not. Gary said that they need to make a final decision on it. Gary said that he's going to be the one to say they are doing it. He said Howard is the only one out. Scott DePace said that this was a bit they did for the air and now it's not funny with Howard not being involved.
Howard said it wasn't a bit for him. He said it was interesting on the air but it wasn't a bit. He said there are too many people there to buy for so that's why he started it. Howard told the guys to do their thing because he had to go to break. He was about to do that but he had something else to talk about.
Howard said they have over 200 names to select from for some of the categories. Howard said he has to pick 5 out of the 200. Howard said he picked the names based on people who have been on the show in the past or people he's friendly with. Here are the some of the actors he picked for one category:
Howard read off some of the names of the people who hadn't done the show. Howard mentioned Johnny Depp but the guys reminded him he called in. Gary said he was nicer than Robert Downey Jr. too. Howard said he forgot about that.
Howard said he picked some female actresses and one of them was Jennifer Aniston. Howard said she sent a note to them about Private Parts back when the movie was out and he feels bad about bad mouthing her all these years. Howard said he also picked Bryce Dallas Howard, Sarah Jessica Parker, Meryl Streep and Renee Zellwegger. Gary said that none of them have done the show other than Bryce. Howard said that none of the other women on the list had done the show. Those woman were nice to them or he just liked them.
Howard read through some other names that he had on his nominee list. Howard said that there were a bunch of guys who had done the show and he picked them based on that.
Howard gave Kate Hudson one nomination. He said that she hasn't done the show lately but she did come on once. Juliette Lewis has done the show too so he gave her a nomination. Gwyneth Paltrow was nice to him at a party so she got one as well.
Howard nominated Susan Sarandon because her husband did the show. She was also nice to Artie. Howard said he gave Talia Shyer, Alexander Wentworth and a bunch of other people nominations. Gary said that Talia walked off the show once and he had to ask her to come back because she was upset about him goofing on Mark Coppola.
Howard said he gave one to Robin Wright Penn because he felt so bad about the whole Sean Penn thing. Howard said he nominated one film which was ''An Education'' because it was a terrific movie. Howard said the movie is funny as hell. He also nominated ''Inglourious Basterds'' because Quentin Tarantino did the show. Gary told Howard they were running really far behind this morning so they had to get moving. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had this guy Doug come in to play Win Fred's Money. Doug calls himself ''Doug the Genius.'' Howard said that if Doug loses the game he's going to get a chocolate bandit mask from Sal who is dressed as Santa Balls today. Doug said that this wasn't by choice that he might get the bandit mask thing.
Sal came in as Santa Balls and he was nude except for his penis being covered by paint. He had a ''candy cock'' for Doug today. Sal told him he had his own theme song too and asked Howard to play that. Howard did that and the song was ''Candy cane Cock'' to the tune of ''Jingle Bell Rock.''
Howard described what Sal's cock looked like and found out that Richard had painted it for him. Howard said he's going to dip his balls in chocolate and dip them on Doug's eyes if he loses the game today.
Howard found out that Doug is a registered nurse so Santa Balls told him he was a fag and a queer so he must be used to the balls on his face. Doug said that Artie said he looked like the Unabomber too and that was pretty harsh. Artie said he was just kidding.
Howard said that Doug is in Mensa. He has an IQ of 142. Howard said he's also a male nurse. Howard said that the stereotype is that male nurses are gay but he's not. Doug said that he's married and his wife is a nurse as well. Howard read that he likes to read and he likes science and math and he beats Fred 20-25 percent of the time.
Doug said he's kind of nervous today but mainly because of the whole Sal thing. Howard said that he should have Perez Hilton in there to watch this.
Howard asked Doug about helping people shit at the hospital and that led go Sal saying more gay stuff to him. He laughed like Santa while he was doing all of that. Artie felt that he was stealing his laughing character doing that laugh. He said he might have to sue.
Will asked if Howard heard about Lisa G this morning. Howard said he did hear about her. Sal was smoking his E-cigarette and getting a bit annoying so Howard had to ask him to stop.
Howard said he heard that Doug went around asking people to sign his copy of Private Parts and when he asked Lisa G to do it, she said no. Doug said he thought it was a joke. She wasn't kidding though. Howard wondered what that was about. Doug said she was as serious as could be. He said maybe it's because he looks like the Unabomber. Howard said he doesn't get why she wouldn't sign it. He said he'll get to the bottom of it though. Howard wanted her to come in to explain herself but she was nowhere to be found. Gary said she might be in the bathroom.
Howard moved on to the game and sent Fred off to Robin's booth so he can't hear the questions. Howard said he had 7 questions and both Doug and Fred have to answer as many as they can in the given time. Robin came into the studio and said she had to sit there and stare at Sal. Sal was getting kind of annoying and Robin asked him if he wanted to get hurt.
Howard got to the game so here are the questions and answers:
Doug ended up getting zero correct. Fred came in and got 3 right. He didn't win by much but he did win so Doug had to go over and meet Santa Balls to get his chocolate bandit mask. Santa said he felt wonderful about this. He put some chocolate on his balls and Perez Hilton came in to watch him doing this bandit mask.
Santa Balls did his thing and Doug said he was going to vomit. Sal sat on him and gave him the bandit mask. Sal got up and Doug had the chocolate mask on his face. Howard asked Perez what he thought about that. Perez said that Santa is very well manscaped and he has a very small candy cane. Howard gave Doug a $711 prize courtesy of 7-Eleven even though he lost. Doug said that would buy a lot of eye wash. They replayed the video on the monitors after that. Doug said that's the worst video he's ever taken. Artie said that he made more than Sal did today. Sal told him that Sal is back in the office working, he was Santa Balls. Howard had to go to break after that.
Perez said that he's all for heterosexual men manscaping but Santa Balls was a little too manscaped. He said it was very gay and even he's not that manscaped. Howard said it might not be gay but it is very odd. Howard said that a guy should buzz down his balls some. He said if the hair is longer than your penis you cut them back a little bit. He said other than that you leave it alone. He said a guy should have some hair there. He said Sal looked like a baby down there. Howard said he overly manscaped one time and Beth told him she likes a man with hair.
Howard said he was looking through Perez's book, ''Perez Hilton's True Bloggywood Stories: The Glamorous Life of Beating, Cheating, and Overdosing,'' and it's fun. He said it's kind of like his web site. Perez said that he's signing any copy that gets mailed to him too. He said he has a staff helping him out now with the web sites he's got running. He still works like 16 hours a day but he loves it.
Howard asked Perez what he thinks about this Tiger Woods story. He said that this woman is claiming that she wasn't with Tiger. He asked Perez if he believes her. Perez said he knows that girl and he thinks that she has had some work done and she's not looking that good. He said she gets around. Perez said she did get around so he's not sure what's going on there. Perez said he believes the wife who beat Tiger's ass. He said he thinks that maybe Tiger confessed to his wife that he did do it and that's when his wife got all psycho.
Howard said he's giving the benefit of the doubt to this woman Rachel who claims she didn't do it. Howard said it's an awfully strong denial.
Howard asked Perez about the gate crasher people who were at the White House, Tareq Salahi and his wife. Perez said that it's a good wake up call for the Secret Service.
Howard also brought up Adam Lambert and Perez talked about that and how Adam has moved on to a new song instead of the one Howard didn't like. Howard said he didn't like that song but he's no homophobe. Howard said if the guy goes on a show and lies about what he's going to do, he shouldn't be surprised when Good Morning America cancels his appearance. Perez said they could have pretaped the appearance but they just canceled it all together. He said that they also blurred out his kiss with his band mate and they didn't do that with the Britney Spears and Madonna kiss.
Howard asked Perez about Chaz Bono's sex change. Perez talked about how they don't have a good working penis so she's going to be a transgender person. They spent a few minutes talking about that and what will end up in Chaz's pants. Artie went into his Chaz voice and said that he's going to have 14 inches down there. Howard wondered how it's going to smell down there. Perez had no idea because he had never smelled a vagina.
Howard gave Perez some plugs for his book and that led to them talking about Perez's fight with Demi Moore that's going on with Twitter. Perez said he loves to bait people into fighting with him on Twitter. He said he tweeted a picture of her daughter out clubbing one day and another one of her daughter with her ass cheeks hanging out while she was out shopping. Perez said that Demi got mad at him and said that he was a pedophile. Perez said that's just not true. He said that she's wrong about that.
Perez said that he said that her daughter was dressed like a hoe and she got upset. He said that he wasn't talking about her looks like he has done with Rumer.
Howard read about some of the other people that Perez is fighting with. He read about the guy from the Black Eyed Peas that he got into a fight with. Perez said that the guy admitted guilt up in Canada so that's taken care of up there. He said that they still have to settle down here in the States. He said he's pretty sure that they'll settle based on what happened up in Canada. Perez said he tried to donate the $25,000 to the Matthew Sheppard charity but they refused to take his money.
Howard read that Ashlee Simpson was upset about what Perez said about her kids. Perez said that he wasn't even making fun of her kids, he was making fun of the whole family.
Howard said Perez likes Lady Gaga and he likes what she wears with the masks and stuff. That inspired him to get an astronaut helmet to wear out. Howard asked Perez if he thinks she wears it to cover up her face because she's not happy with it. Perez said he thinks she does it for the fantasy and make believe.
Howard read about some of the awards that Perez gives out in his book. Perez said he wrote the book a while ago so he didn't remember what he put in there. Howard said he gave Kanye West the Douche Bag of the Year award. Perez said he loves Kanye but he is a douche bag. Perez said that Michael Lohan was in the running as well.
Perez also talked about how Paris Hilton is going to other countries to make money making appearances. She's not doing so much in this country now. Perez said that 2007 was the golden year of train wrecks for celebrities like Paris and Britney. Now it's about balloon boy and Octomom and people like that.
Perez and Howard talked about the new Twilight movie and how bad that was. Perez said it wasn't so bad if you pretended that you were a 15 year old girl. Howard said he finds it hard to do that. He said Perez might have an easier time doing that.
Howard read some more stuff from Perez's book and he gave an award to Matthew McConaughey for having the best hair plugs. Howard said he didn't know he had them. Perez said he thinks he had to have had them because he was going bald and all of a sudden he had hair. Perez said he wants to know who did that because he wants to get them done as good as he had them done.
Howard read a quote about Kelly Clarkson where he says that she's gay. Howard asked Perez what evidence he has about that. Perez said it's his gaydar going off. He said he saw her once at a coffee shop and she was there with a woman who was definitely a lesbian. He thinks that she could be one but he's not sure about that.
Howard asked Perez what he thinks is going on with David Hasselhoff. They spent a minute talking about his alcohol problems. Artie ended up going into his guy who laughs at everything character during that and laughing at the video that the Hoff was in on YouTube when he was drunk and eating a hamburger.
Howard asked Perez how everything else is going. Perez said that his record label is going okay but he doesn't have any hits yet. He said that it's a slow moving process. He said he's not used to that.
Howard gave Perez some more plugs and asked him if he knows of any scandals coming out soon. Perez said he really doesn't know of anything.
Howard took a call from Angry Black who asked Perez if he has compensated all of the photographers who he takes his pictures from. He said he seems to take the pictures and uses them without permission. Perez said that's old news, he pays for all of the pictures he uses now. Howard ended up hanging up on Angry Black after he asked one too many questions that weren't going anywhere.
Howard took some more phone calls and let some fans ask some questions. One guy called him a fag and asked why he didn't mention he sucked Jared Leto's dick at a party a few years ago. Perez said he'd love to be able to do that but he never has.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked who he would rather be stranded with, Jon Gosslin or Kate? Perez said he'd probably be stranded with Kate because she'd go out and get some coconuts for him. Jon is too lazy.
Another caller asked about Amber Smith who is on Sex Rehab right now. Howard said she showed no interest in him at all when she was on the set of his movie. Howard asked Perez if he watches that show. Perez said that he doesn't watch any TV. He said that there is a show coming up that he does want to see. He wants to see the Jersey Shore Guido show. Howard said he never misses that Leave it to Lamas show. He told Perez how good that is. Howard wrapped up with Perez a short time later.
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Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they have a story about Jay Leno and how the Comcast and NBC deal could end the show. Howard said they might blame it on that deal. He said that he's glad that the one thing that doesn't work on TV is Jay Leno. Howard wondered if Leno could get another show or if he's too damaged by this. Howard said he might be tainted at this point. Steve said he believes that he is tainted because people have seen him as he is and he's terrible. Jon Hein said he thinks that Jay could go back to 11:30 and do well there. He thinks that people would tune in to see him. Steve said he still thinks that he's tainted but he probably could get hired.
Howard asked what's going on with Conan and if anyone is watching at all. Jon said no one is watching and Dave has it locked up. Jon thinks that Conan is going to get screwed eventually and they might get rid of him to bring Jay back to that time slot.
Robin wondered what NBC is going to do with two damaged performers. Howard said he thinks that Jay will go back on at 11:30 and they'll get rid of Conan. Jon agreed. Steve said he doesn't know.
Steve said they have a story about how the Radio Hall of Fame was raided the day after they got approval to build a building worth $6 million. He said that they aren't covering the story in Chicago where the whole thing is taking place.
Steve said they have some stories about Sam Simon and Ralph Cirella going on vacation together. They're also talking about the rumors that Ralph stole the alcohol from the studio there. Howard talked about Ralph and Sam going down to Dallas and going out to see the Book Depository and where Kennedy was shot.
Steve said that Bob Levy is going to start going to therapy after an outburst at the comedy club he did over the weekend. That led to him losing out on half the money he was supposed to get.
Howard said that Jackie wants to meet with him about doing more radio. Howard said he'd love to see Jackie at dinner but he doesn't want to talk about doing more radio. He said he's not looking to talk business at dinner. Howard said Jackie was doing radio there with them until he left the show. Howard said Jackie couldn't handle it.
Jon Hein ran down his Wrap Up Show preview next. They ended up talking about Sal's Santa Balls character and some of the comments he was making. Robin said that she wouldn't have minded it if he was actually funny.
Robin started her news with a story about how they're thinking about bumping the football season up by 2 games. Robin said the season is too short as it is. They spent a few minutes talking about that. Artie was making his squeaking sound again so Howard asked if he was okay. Artie didn't even realize he was making the noise.
Robin read a story about how addictions can best be controlled by will power. She read about some study that was done about it. That led to Artie talking about his addiction problems. He said he was able to stay off of coke once he kicked it. He said that he didn't do heroin for 7 years after kicking the coke.
Robin read a story about a former Miss Argentina who died after some plastic surgery. She had some elective surgery done on her buttocks. Howard said he needs some work done on his ass too. Robin said she's not sure what she was having done to her buttocks. Howard said he needs to get his rounder. He said it looks like he has gout of the ass. Robin said this woman was the mother of 7 year old twins and she owned her own modeling agency.
Robin read some news about Tiger Woods and gave some updated details about what's going on there. Howard said he loves that everything to do with that couple is related to golf. They said the wife broke windows with a golf club, she was out searching for Tiger in a golf cart and more. Robin said there are people setting up betting sites based on this story. You can bet on whether or not he was cheating, if he was under the influence and more. Robin said that Tiger made $23 million, just from golf, in 2008. His endorsements bring him over $100 million a year.
Howard was talking about how he'd like to endorse Asics sneakers. He said he loves this Asics Kayano running sneaker. He said he tried to switch to Nike but they gave him blisters on his feet.
Robin read some news about google's most searched terms this year. Michael Jackson was right up at the top. She had the list of the other most searched terms and Megan Fox, the WWE, Britney Spears, Narudo and some other stuff were in the top 7.
Robin had a story about Tareq Salahi and his wife appearing on The Today Show today. She had some audio from their appearance and they were saying it was the most devastating thing that had ever happened to them. Tareq claims that they didn't crash the party at the White House. Howard said he's glad they didn't give them money because it was a boring interview. Robin said the couple was apparently desperate to get on a reality show and they may be too hot for Bravo to handle.
Robin read that President Obama is going to be making a speech tonight at 8. She mentioned some of the stuff that he's going to be talking about.
Robin read about a ship that was taken over by pirates near Somalia yesterday. The ship was headed for the United States.
Robin read that Sarah Palin was supposed to be traveling around the country on a bus but there are people saying that she's actually flying while the bus drives around to the places she's appearing. Howard read some weird stuff about her saying that her retarded son isn't a ''mistake'' and God never makes mistakes. She wrote a letter to her friends about that as god. Howard said she would have been the worst Vice President ever if she had made it into office.
Howard took a call from Wendy the Retard and asked her if her mom wrote a letter to her friends about her as god. Wendy said she did. Wendy was having some trouble with a dog at the house so Howard and the guys asked questions about what the dog does and she was answering yes to everything. Wendy even blurted out that she pooped in her pants. She told them that she did that after eating turkey. She was having so much fun that she didn't want to go to the bathroom. She said she sat in it for about an hour.
Howard asked Wendy how she cleans up the doody from her underpants. She told Howard how she dumps it in the toilet. Artie said he was going to hurl into his garbage can hearing all of this. Howard kept going. He asked her about how she changed out of her dirty underwear and how she cleaned up. Wendy said she rinsed off in the shower. Howard asked if the dog ever tries to eat her doody. She said it does. Wendy said the doody was on her legs and clothes so she had to put them in the wash.
Howard asked when Wendy found out she was retarded. She said she was born that way. She said her mom told her that she came out with the cord around her neck. She could have died but some kind of miracle came and saved her. Howard said that's some miracle there.
Wendy told Howard she just put a picture of her and Robin on Myspace. Howard asked if she has had sex yet. Wendy said no. Howard said he doesn't want her to have a baby. Wendy said her mom told her she isn't ready to do that yet.
Howard asked Wendy how she thought Robin did on Jeopardy. Wendy thought she was awesome. Howard asked her about some of Robin's wrong answers and Wendy loved all of them. Wendy told Howard she came in first place in a bowling match recently. Artie asked if she ever shit at the bowling alley. She said she never does.
Howard asked Wendy who she masturbates to. She said she loves Ferrall and wishes that he were on 24 hours a day. Wendy said she thinks of Howard as her daddy. Howard asked if she likes that voice that Ferrall has. Wendy tried to do an impression of him. She also did her Freddy Kruger impression too.
Howard asked Wendy if she has hair on her nipples. Wendy said no to that. Howard said that's good. Artie asked if she got shit in her bush. Wendy said she did. She said she uses a bar of soap to clean it up when she does. Howard asked if she's ever said ''I'm trying to think but nothing happens.'' She said that does happen. Artie told her she should shit herself for Christmas.
Howard said Gary the Retard watched Robin on Jeopardy. He played the bit that the guys put together using clips from Jeopardy and Gary the Retard talking to them like he knew all of the answers.
Wendy told Howard she's trying to get a game system for her nephews and she wondered if Howard could help her out. Howard asked Gary if they had any money to give to Wendy. Gary brought in the info for him and they had $711 from 7-Eleven for her. Howard gave that to her and asked if she knew the numbers between 7 and 11. She said it was 8 and 10... and 9 and 12.
Howard had Robin get back to her news. Robin read about it being World AIDS day today. Robin also read that Chelsea Clinton has announced she's engaged to her long time boyfriend.
Robin had a story about how the toilet seat hasn't changed in about 100 years. There are some guys trying to make them bigger for the fat asses in this country. Artie said those seats are fantastic. He said there are some hotels that have them and he loves them. Howard asked how long he's in the bathroom. Artie said he can get through quite a bit of the paper while sitting on the toilet. Howard said if he sat on one he'd fall in. Howard said he folded in half and got stuck for a half hour. Robin said this toilet seat is called the Big John. The guy who came up with it is 6'7'' tall and weighs 350 pounds and he's broken quite a few seats. Artie said he's broken some seats himself. He said he does the lean and snaps the seat.
Robin read about how Nicole Richie is getting her own TV show at ABC. Howard said he'll probably watch that.
Robin read about Derek Jeter being named sportsman of the year by Sports Illustrated. Fred played some laughing sounds from Riley Martin.
Robin read about some movies that are coming out this weekend. She had some audio of some actors talking about working with each other. She had Natalie Portman talking about working with Toby Maguire. Howard said that's a good looking gal that Natalie Portman. He said she sat right behind him at the Twilight premiere. Artie said he did Letterman with her and she's stunning in person.
Robin had some audio of another actress talking about the chemistry she had with Nicholas Cage when she worked with him. Robin said that movie is ''Up in the Air.''
Robin said that Cheryl Hines has directed a movie and she had some audio of Cheryl talking about that. Howard said that sounds like a movie no one is going to see. Howard had some audio of Robert De Niro joking about some new Meet the Fockers movies they have in the works. They wrapped up and ended the show after that. It was around 10:50am.
Gary said that it may have taken some of the allure out of it because Howard isn't involved. Jason said of course that's what it is. He said that the only motivation was to have Howard involved. Jason said he's not up for it himself now that Howard is out. Jason said he doesn't want to be pressured into buying something for a possible stranger.
Steve Brandano said he feels like Jason does and he's not sure he wants to be in it if they have all of these people they don't know in it. He'd rather do it with people he knows.
Gary asked Sal where he stands on this. Sal said when Howard was in it there was a thrill there. He said now he doesn't mind it because you can save a few bucks by not buying something for everyone.
Jason said he's already made up his mind about who he's buying gifts for. He said he's going to be buying gifts for the people he wants to no matter what. He said if anyone wants to buy him gifts, that's fine, if they don't, that's fine too.
Sal asked if they should set a budget for the gifts they're buying. Gary said that they should spend whatever they feel like spending. He didn't think they should set a budget.
Gary said that they have a whole crew of TV show guys who come in there and they end up putting everyone from Howard TV in there even if they don't work there at the studio every day. Gary said that the list can get really big.
Jason read some of the names from the Howard TV crew that they don't really know very well. They also have people on the Tapes Team that they don't know very well. Jason was getting upset and saying that he wasn't going to buy a gift for someone he doesn't know.
Jason said that he would do a secret Santa with the crew that's there at 6am. He said that means that it would be the crew that's there in the studio and the people who are in the office. Gary said they go through a list of people who can get access to their area every year and they could use that list.
The guys were talking about maybe cutting down the number of people they buy gifts for. Sal said he would feel obligated to give something to Howard because he's throwing them a party. Gary said he wasn't even thinking about that until now. Sal said he wants to get something for Howard but he's not sure what. He said it would be something technology related.
One year Richard gave Howard his semen in a picture frame. Sal said that gift was worse than the grave stone. Gary said that Howard probably just wants to do the party and he won't be upset if he doesn't get anything. Jason said that Sal should just send Howard a letter about how much he appreciates his job or something like that.
The guys asked Sal if he got the email invite for the Christmas party. Sal said he still hasn't gotten it and he's checked it about 3 times now.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why all of the Jews there are celebrating Christmas. Gary said that they celebrate Christmas there so that's why they're involved. Jason said that he's all against the Secret Santa thing so that must be the Jew in him. Jon said that Jason is also the guy in charge of the list so maybe that's why he doesn't want to be involved.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he was wondering about what was going to happen with Howard too. The guy said Howard is going to get pissed no matter what happens and that's the way it goes every year. Gary asked if every gift requires a reciprocal gift. The caller said that if one person gives him something then everyone is going to feel shitty. He said every year it's something different.
Gary said he thinks that some people will bring something to the party. He said that maybe not everyone will but there will be some. Scott DePace was in the studio so the guys asked him if he's going. Scott said that he wouldn't go to a big box party but this one he will go to. Jon said it sounds like he's going to attend and asked if he's going to bring a gift. Scott said he has to think about that because Howard usually throws his gifts out.
Ronnie said that Sal started all of this by mentioning the gift thing. Ronnie said Howard is just saying thank you with the party and they don't have to get him a gift. Ronnie said he gets him something every year but he has a personal relationship with Howard.
Ronnie said that he's just kissing Howard's ass by giving him a gift. Sal said he wasn't trying to kiss Howard's ass by giving him a gift. He's just trying to be nice. Ronnie told him that Howard is going to throw whatever he gets him right in the trash. Ronnie and Sal went back and forth on that for a few minutes.
Sal said that he had some ideas for gifts for Howard but Gary ended up telling Sal that there's one gift that he gave Howard that's still not being used. Sal thanked him for the heads up on that.
Brian Phelan came in and said that he gives a gift every year and no one ever buys him a thing. Gary said they do thank him for them. Brian said they do but they never buy him anything. Brian said he'd appreciate it if someone got him something. Brian said he would go out of his way to get someone something if someone got him something. He didn't sound like he was into doing the Secret Santa thing either. Jason said it sounds like no one is into the Secret Santa thing. Jason said that Will is into not buying anyone anything.
Gary said that maybe they can do Secret Santa and only open it up to people who want to do it. He said that if people start buying gifts for other people then Howard is going to get upset. That's the whole reason Howard started doing the Secret Santa thing.
Jason said they can buy stuff on the side for people they want to and keep that quiet. Fred said he wouldn't tell everyone if he was buying some people gifts.
Jason said that it seems that the people asking for hte Secret Santa thing are the people with money. He sadi that the guys without a lot of money aren't the ones looking to do SEcret Santa. Jason said he doens't go crazy spending on gifts.
The guys talked about some of the ngihtmares they've had giving adn getting gifts there. Gary sadi he once forgot to get something for Scott and lucked out that Vinnie Favale had just given him a Mets book that he re-wrapped and gave to him.
Jon took a call from a guy who aksed if Sal is going to act like a ''hand job'' at the party. Sal said he had never heard that term before. The caller told him not to worry about that and just answer the question. Sal said he'll be well behaved at the party. He said he's going to walk in and behave himself. They had to go to break after that.
Jon asked Ronnie what he wanted to do with his show that he wasn't allowed to. Ronnie said he wanted to bring some girls in and do a pageant or something like that. He wanted some girls who were into cars and stuff and do a Miss Ronnie 2010 or something like that. JD didn't seem to like that idea. He laughed and said ''Oh boy...'' He said it sounded more like the ''Ronnie wants to get laid show.'' JD said if it was hot chicks talking about cars it could have turned from boring to annoying.
Jon asked Ronnie and JD if they're getting along better now. Ronnie said JD was so belligerent about the whole thing that it drove him nuts. He didn't even give him the chance to make it better. JD told him to calm down, it's completely over now. Ronnie said he knows it's over now.
Jon asked JD why he didn't give him a second chance. JD said he had done a few shows by then and it wasn't getting any better. Ronnie said he could have told him that before he canceled it. He could have given him some advice on what to change before he canceled the show.
JD said he was trying to make a point today that the subject of the show was the main problem. He said they can't fix that. JD said he didn't know exactly what to say about that. He said there's ''no way of buttering up shit.'' He said that talking about cars is boring for their channel there. He said it was nothing personal against Ronnie.
Jon asked Ronnie what his next show is going to be about. Ronnie said he's not sure yet so he's not going to say. He said they're going to come up with something but he's not sure what it's going to be about. He said he's hearing from someone who thinks that he's stealing ideas from. He didn't want to say who that was though. Ronnie didn't want the person having a baby over it and he didn't want to ruffle any feathers there. Ronnie said he's not going to cause any problems and he'll come up with something other than the ''What's Your Problem.''
JD said they'll have to see what happens with the show. He said it has potential and it could be funny in a good way or in a complete train wreck way.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has an idea for a show where they do a car show where they have people wearing diapers or something on the show. Jon quickly moved on to the next call. The caller said that JD isn't into cars and that appears to be the reason he canceled the show. The guy said that not one of them knows anything about cars except for Ronnie. Jon said it was more about the show and if the whole audience could enjoy the show. Ronnie said he thinks that the panel were the problem. He said he did pick the panel for the show but it didn't work out. He said he doesn't think it would have made a difference if he had a different panel on the show.
Ronnie said that they tried to speed things up on the show but the guys on the panel like to get technical and sometimes people don't know what they're talking about. JD said he's pretty sure that any panel talking about that stuff would be boring.
Ronnie said it might be a once or twice a year kind of show. He said that it's not a show that's good every month. He said it's just the same shit every time. He agrees with that part of it with JD. Ronnie said he'd rather move on to some other kind of show like a whore show.
Jon took a call from a woman who suggested they form a few groups there for the Secret Santa thing. Jon said that Howard TV would be an issue because some work there and some don't. The caller said it's all about giving and they should give what they want. She talked about how great the show is and then talked about how ungrateful Eric the Midget is and how she turns off the show whenever he's on.
Jon told JD about the Secret Santa thing and asked if he wanted to be a part of it. JD said he didn't care, whatever.
Jon mentioned the Santa Balls character and talked about how talkative Santa Balls was. Jon asked if Sal was more exited about giving the bandit mask or if Richard was more excited about paining Sal's penis. Jon said he went in to talk to Sal and Richard and Sal was sitting there naked and spread out with the candy cane. JD said they called him in there too so they could show him Sal's penis.
Jon asked how JD would describe the act of making the bandit mask. JD explained how the guy was laying on the floor and Sal put his nuts on his eyes and his penis was brushing against his mouth and face.
A caller asked what went on with Lisa G and her not signing Doug's book. Jon said that never did get discussed with Lisa again. He asked her to come in and talk about it if she wanted. JD said he can get why she didn't want to do it. He said that he would get stopped to sign Artie's book and he didn't want to do that. He said it was Artie's book and he didn't think his autograph is worth anything. He said he would sign it and just get it over with though.
Jon said that everyone was signing that book and that excuse doesn't really fly. JD said he was just being the devil's advocate there. Steve Brandano said that it would be insulting to turn down any fan asking for an autograph. He said that turning a guy down to his face is lame. He told JD not to defend Lisa G. JD said he was just giving a different point of view.
Another caller said that he thinks JD made a mistake cancelling Ronnie's show. He said there's a lot going on in the car industry right now and the show was interesting to him. JD asked what's going on in the car industry that's so interesting. The caller started to say what he was talking about with the car industry but Jon cut him off because they were running out of time.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he was one of the guys in the Superfan Trivia contest, Matt, and when he was up there he got pictures with everyone, including Howard. He said Lisa G was kind of cunty to him and wouldn't take a picture with him. He said Ronnie was kind of a dick too. He said Lisa refused to take a picture with him. He said she just said no. Jon asked JD why that would be. JD had no idea.
Teddy said that Lisa G is just following the rules and not taking pictures with them. Steve said that's bull and she bends the rules all the time. Steve said she also just walked by the studio and said she was busy going to interview Kristin Chenoweth instead.
Fred came back in with one minute left in the show. Fred said he thinks that Sal might be trying to smooth things over with Howard by getting him a gift and maybe he could just do it without saying anything. Fred was also saying that he knew that Doug was going to lose today and he felt bad about the whole thing. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show welcoming everyone to the EIB network like Rush Limbaugh does. Howard said he was thinking about Rush when Tim Sabean sent him a story about people putting their shows up on the web. Howard said they mentioned him in the article and how good they are at doing the TV show with the radio show. Howard said they mentioned some other people who do video of radio shows and how bad Rush's video feed is. Howard said the guy is making millions a year and it looks like he's broadcasting from Beirut. Howard said they lock him down on one angle and he's banging his hands and stuff on his console the whole time. Howard said with all of the shit Rush sells he must be able to afford to do something better.
Howard said he's seen clips of Rush on TV before and it's pixelated and his hands move at slow speed. He said it's all grainy and it appears they can't afford a decent camera. Howard said it might just be Rush and it's boring but they could do something better.
Howard said he had a meeting yesterday with some cool folks. He said they were talking about some TV stuff. He said he hasn't wanted to do anything else with the radio show and the TV show but he could be doing something else. He said he doesn't want to appear like Rush's video feed.
Howard read that they charge people 50 bucks to watch Rush's video feed. Howard said he can't imagine doing that with the horrible video quality.
Howard read the article he was talking about where they explain how the mammograms might raise the risk of breast cancer. Howard tried to read the name of the person who did the study and it was a really tough name to pronounce.
Howard said he goes to the doctor once a year and gets a physical. He said they usually send him a letter to come in but this year they didn't do that. He said he had to send them a note to ask if he was supposed to come in. Howard said maybe they're trying to get rid of him because he has the wrong health insurance.
Howard said he usually gets a chest x-ray so maybe he'll stop doing that. Howard said it might be the end of him if he does have something in there anyway. He said he'd probably become a worry wart if he did find something in there.
Howard said the Tiger Woods story is coming out more and more and he's believing this girl who claims she didn't have an affair with Tiger. Robin said they're saying that's what she does though. Robin said they say she parties with guys and claims she never did. Howard said more girls are coming out and claiming that they had affairs with Tiger too.
Howard said Tiger is sexting with these girls and the text messages he's sending are really creepy. Howard said this new girl who came forward is really hot and filthy. He said she's not hot in the super model way but she's the kind of cocktail waitress you can't keep your eyes off of. Howard said those are the girls who do the stuff the wife won't do.
Howard read more about this latest woman who came out. Robin said that the other girls must have seen this other girl come out and figured they'd get some publicity. Howard said Tiger is picking the wrong women. He said he has to pick women who have something to lose. He hasn't been doing that.
Howard said Tiger is a golfer so it's not like they have to hold him to this higher pedestal. Howard said at least he's picking hot chicks. He said this latest one you want to fuck her brains out.
Howard read that Tiger bombarded one girl with over 300 text messages. Howard read some of the stuff he wrote to this one girl and he had stuff like ''I will wear you out...'' and ''When was the last time you got laid?'' and things like that. Howard said this was to the 24 year old cocktail waitress. Howard said he did this back in 2007 when he got married too.
Howard read what the waitress said about going out with Tiger. She claims the affair went on for just about 3 years off and on. Howard said she claims they were supposed to get together the weekend that his son was born. He told her he had a ''family issue.'' The waitress claims that her mother knew about the affair and told her to watch the news so she could see what was going on with the other woman.
Howard said it appears this woman got jealous that she wasn't being mentioned. Howard read that Tiger requested that she take his name off her phone because his wife was going through his stuff. Howard also read about Tiger and his wife fighting over all of this stuff and how the argument could be heard all over the neighborhood.
Robin said that most arguments about cheating don't go this far the first time. She seemed to think that it wasn't the first time.
Howard said Tiger was apparently going out a lot and partying. He read more about another person he apparently cheated with. Howard read that he has gone back to his hotel room with two women according to another report. Howard said that there's nothing wrong with a heterosexual man wanting to do this stuff, just don't get married and keep having kids with the wife.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what Beth thinks about this whole thing. Howard said she's following the story and it makes him look better because he's not out there doing this stuff. Howard said Beth has to keep her game hot to make sure she can keep him from cheating. Howard said Beth isn't confrontational either. He said she just gets even. If he fucks up she's going to fuck him up but not with a golf club.
The caller asked if Beth had boyfriends who cheated on her. Howard said he doesn't talk about that stuff. The caller just wanted to know how she got even with them. Robin said she got even by marrying Howard Stern. Howard said that's right and it has upset some of the guys she used to date. He said some of them have said that breaking up with Beth was the worst thing they could have done.
Howard was talking about how Letterman is probably going to get hit with some shrapnel in this whole thing. He said that Dave could do a lot of jokes and make it seem that Tiger is even worse than he is.
Howard read more about one of the girls who was accused of cheating with Tiger but she wasn't commenting. Howard read that the Enquirer has came out with some of the names of the girls who were cheating.
Howard said he loves that Tiger is getting all of these chicks even though he's such a nerdy looking guy. Robin said that's the guy who would have gotten beaten up in school. Howard said he knew guys who played golf in his school but he had no idea they even had a golf team. Howard said this was when he was living in Rockville Center. He said the kid was playing golf and back then he wondered what kind of fuckin' pussy he was.
Howard read a really creepy email to one of the chicks. Howard read that Tiger said he had just woken up from a weird dream and sent this to one of the girls. Tiger wrote that he was dreaming and he went home to find this one girl getting fucked by Derek Jeter and David Borianis at the same time.
Howard read that the Gotti guy got off again. Howard said that Junior Gotti had a fourth mistrial. Howard said that if he was on the jury he'd find him not guilty. Howard said the guy is saying he's going to have the jury over to his house for a party. Howard said he won't even interview the guy. He said he doesn't want any trouble. He said he's been offered the chance to interview his sister but he's not going to step on anyone's toes.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man who was on a speaker phone because he was in the bathroom taking a shit. Howard said he was going to throw up when he heard that. Speech Impediment Man asked who plays the best vampire in the movies. Howard said Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise were great in ''Interview with the Vampire.'' He said they did a great job in that movie.
Howard said Grandpa Al Lewis was a great vampire too. He said he sat down to watch all of the Munsters episodes over the weekend and the DVD he has are the two shitty movies they made. He said they weren't the TV series. Howard said that's what he wants to see. He said he threw that one right in the garbage. Howard said one of the movies was ''The Munsters Go Home'' and it's not something he wants to see. Howard said Fred Gwynn was sick of doing the show by that point. He said that he agreed to do the movie but they gave him enough money to go back and do it. Howard said he was great in that role and so was Grandpa Al.
Howard said ''Interview with the Vampire'' is the best vampire movie out there. He said Beth hasn't seen it yet so he's going to sit down and watch it with her. Richard came in and said that movie made him a fan of Brad Pitt. Howard said he's sure that wasn't the movie that did it. He said it was probably ''Legends of the Fall.'' Howard said that's the flick where girls get to look at the guy sitting on a horse.
Howard talked about Richard painting Sal's cock yesterday for the candy cane look. He asked Richard if he got hard while he was painting him. Richard said Sal did chub up a little bit. He said his penis is so weird looking that it's hard to tell.
Richard said the paint was cracked on his cock so he knew that it had to have gotten hard at one point. Sal said that Richard insisted that he paint him. Sal said he saw the paintbrushes in the drawer and told Richard that they weren't there. Richard dropped right to his knees and started painting. Sal also said that it's nice to have any contact with his cock these days so that's why he got a little chubbed up.
Howard asked Sal if he's ever painted Richard's cock. Sal said no but Richard reminded him that he painted him for the Insane Clown Posse appearance. He said Richard had a little movement there too. Howard said that seems very gay and they must be close to doing something together. Richard said if there's enough money involved...
Sal told a story about a skanky chick they met one time who refused to touch Richard's cock. She caught a whiff of his cock and asked if he wanted a hand job. She ended up taking Richard's hand and just rubbed it up and down using his hand. Sal said he was trying to show Richard that the chick was into him but meanwhile he had paid her to do it.
Richard said before he had his girlfriend that was as close as he came to getting laid when he was working at K-Rock. He said that he didn't have luck getting laid. There was a period of time when he didn't get laid for 10 years. Richard said he was in metal bands and it was always a sausage fest at the shows.
Speech Impediment Man told Howard there was a chick all over Sal at a show in Louisville. Sal said that Beetlejuice got a blow job back stage at that show. Howard asked how he gets a chick and Richard can't. Richard said they should see the chicks that are willing to blow Beetle. Sal said it was a pretty hot chick that day. He said she took her tits out and let him lick that. Then Sal said that they threw money at her and she blew Beet for like $100. Sal said she had to go home to her husband and kids. He said the married chicks are out there looking for guys like that. The single ones aren't.
Sal said that Beet had a girl blow him at one show and she threw up afterward. Sal said he becomes a stud out on the road. The guys told some other stories about Beet banging chicks and one of them farted while he was doing her doggy style. Beet backed away for a second before going back in when that chick farted.
Speech Impediment Man asked Sal what his wife thinks about this gay shit with Richard. Sal said she thinks it's less work for her when he gets this stuff at work. He said things are strange with her. He said he's doing okay with her and it would be good if he was getting it once a week. Sal said she won't blow him anymore. Howard said he would get a divorce. Howard said if she won't blow him then they should end it.
Howard said that she must not like him if she's not blowing him. Sal said he doesn't know about that. He said he doesn't even go down on her because she's not into that. Robin asked if she moves around when he's banging her. Sal said she runs for the door. Sal joked that she reaches for the phone to call the cops when he's banging her.
Howard asked if he ever tries to go down on her. Sal said she tells him that she's not into that. Robin asked if there's any foreplay. Sal said he taps the bed to let her know that it's time for action. She calls him ''CBB'' for Commercial Break Boy since that's the only time they get to have sex. Sal said that she always complains about his breath smelling bad and stuff. He said she used to love it but now she seems to hate it.
Howard asked Sal if he can finish during a commercial break. Sal said he's done in seconds. Howard said if his wife called him CBB and cut back on everything then he'd divorce. Sal said that his wife used to call him treadmill boy because he was the way she was burning up calories.
Sal said he and his wife are getting along these days. He said she can shrug off the whole penis painting thing and stuff like that. Sal said it's easier to just jerk off. Howard said that's not right. He said if he had a hot little chick in his arsenal he wouldn't have to do that. Howard said you have to sit down with your wife and just tell her you're done. Sal said she's a good mom and she raises the kids great. Sal said they sit down and share some laughs once in a while.
Speech Impediment Man asked Sal if he would have a threesome with Richard if his wife wanted to. Sal said no. Richard said he wouldn't do it either because he has a girlfriend.
Sal said he has wives that he thinks about when he jerks off. He said that he didn't want to say who they were though. Howard said that the cock painting thing is going to be on Howard TV tonight when yesterday's show is up.
Speech Impediment Man said it would be funny if Sal had spooged in Richard's face while he was painting it. Howard said that would have been funny.
Howard said Sal gets really nervous in front of one of his friend's wives. Sal said that this one girl doesn't make him melt, he just gets nervous. He said there's always a girl in the circle of friends that you wish you could have sex with. He said you don't talk about it though. Howard told Richard to put on a wig and lipstick next time he's painting his cock and see what happens.
Howard heard that Sal told this other wife that she was really hot when he got drunk. Sal said he did that and then he had to apologize for it. He said she was the hottest wife in the neighborhood. Speech Impediment Man asked if he thinks about this stuff before he says it. Sal said he doesn't have time.
Howard asked Sal if he plays with his wife's vagina at all. Sal said he does it once in a while. He said he has to be careful what he's doing. He said he doesn't want it to feel like a sympathy lay. He said that you have to be careful not to screw things up.
Howard asked Sal if he was upset when Oprah announced that she's retiring. Sal forgot that it was during the Oprah commercial breaks that he was having sex. He said that his wife watches other shows at night that he can use to do her.
Howard asked Sal if he said he wanted to bang Doug Goodstein's wife. Sal said she's hot but he wouldn't do that. Sal said that you think about how you'd like to bang them but you never would. He said he likes Mary Dell'Abate too. He said she's got great legs and he envisions her legs wrapped around his head. He got very graphic when he was talking about that. Gary said he guesses he's supposed to stop him but he can't. He let him keep going.
Sal said he used to photoshop pictures of him banging Gary's wife. Sal said that Gary would get mad at him for it. Gary said he didn't remember that but he would imagine that he would get upset.
Howard asked Gary if he would swap with Sal if the wives were okay with it. Gary said that he wouldn't want Mary doing Sal. He said he likes Sal's wife but he wouldn't want him doing his wife.
Sal said the time they were over in Amsterdam Mary passed out after smoking and he wanted to drag her behind a dumpster and fuck her. Sal said he would have loved to have been able to do that.
Sal said Mary would be first on the list to bang. He said Doug's wife Marlo would be up there too. He said that it would be great if he could have both at the same time.
Richard asked Sal if he would blow Gary if he had the chance to do Mary. Sal said he would give Gary a hand job. Gary asked Richard why he has to bring this stuff to a weird, gay place all the time. Richard said it would be the number one Howard TV episode if he did that. He said he'd be on the floor laughing harder than he has in his life if he did that.
Howard said Richard and Sal made a prank call that he didn't find funny and they can't accept that it's not funny. Howard said they used clips of Billy Mays calling Gary the Retard. He said that it was a funny idea but it wasn't that funny in the end. He said the idea was good but it didn't work. Howard said they had some good stuff lately but this one call just didn't work and they can't accept that. Howard said the Billy Mays thing just wasn't funny.
Howard said Sal and Richard think that all of their stuff is funny and it's not. He said if he didn't cut it back then it would be anarchy there.
Howard said he's going to play the call and ask if anyone else finds it funny. Howard played the call and you hear Sal and Richard telling him they have Billy Mays on the phone to talk to him. They played clips from his commercials and had him trying to sell him stuff. Gary would just hang up every time they called.
Speech Impediment Man was laughing. Howard asked Robin what she thought. She said it was okay but not one of their better calls. Richard said he's a big Billy Mays fan so he thought it was funny. Howard said that they think that everything they do is funny and this didn't work for him. Howard said they could call Gary the Retard with anyone's voice and do that.
Howard said that Sal and Richard can do this stuff all day long and he will pick out the good stuff. He said that they can't all be winners. Richard said there are calls that they haven't turned in because they're not happy with them. Howard said those are probably the funny ones.
Howard had a new call that Sal and Richard made to a guy who was looking to rent an apartment. Sal said they have some new characters in that call. In the call Sal was asking about the neighborhood and asking if there were any moulinyans in the neighborhood and things like that. Then Richard got on doing a Hispanic impression and asked when they could move in. The landlord turned them down. Then Sal calls the guy doing his black voice asking if he can rent the apartment. The landlord said that he has someone else interested in the apartment when he hears the black guy. Then Richard calls the guy doing some bizarre accent that was supposed to be an Irish accent. The landlord recognized him from some of the other calls he made.
Howard said that was a funny call. Robin wondered what kind of accent that was. Howard said it was Irish. Robin said that wasn't Irish. Richard said that was his impression of Steve Brandano who is from the Boston area. He said that's as close as he can get to an Irish accent.
Speech Impediment Man said he was watching Private Parts yesterday and he thought he only had 2 daughters. Howard said he has three kids. Speech Impediment Man said he didn't know that. He was sorry he got that wrong. Howard said that's fine, he doesn't have to keep track. Speech Impediment Man was asking if he wants to have a son. Howard said he's not looking to have any more kids. He said he wouldn't be a good dad to raise a kid who likes sports. He said he would be better off raising a gay son.
Howard said he does throw the ball around once in a while. He said he did that with Ross and his girlfriend Mike during the summer. Howard said that Ross is in love with that Mike Portnoy guy.
Howard said they have Jesse Ventura coming in today. Howie Mandel is also coming in. Robin said they haven't seen him since he had a heart attack. Howard said they have to find out why Lisa G wouldn't sign that guy's book yesterday too. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Howie Mandel was there. He had the guys bring him in. He said that he's written a book about his OCD. Howard said Howie was the focus of the meeting he was in last night. He said that they were saying that he should be on TV doing some kind of game show like Howie does. Howard said that Howie is his hero because of that TV show.
Howie said in 20 days he did 130 episodes of the TV show. He said it's easy to do too. He said that he had shot some shows and they went up to appear at the Mohegan Sun in Connecticut. He said Stephen Baldwin showed up at the show there and he hung out with him back stage. Stephen was asking him about the TV show and what was going on with the show. Howie said David Faustino's brother is their audio guy and he's known as a vagina whisperer at the show. He knows how to get things done with women. Howie said one of the models heard about that and she had to find out about it. Howie said she wanted some face time with the guy so she apparently did the guy and it was fantastic. Howie said that she was apparently doing it night after night.
Howie said that she told them that she was taking all of this from the guy but she wasn't giving anything in return. She told them that she was going to do it that night. Howie said her only trepidation was that it was going to be the first time she had sucked ''white dick.'' Howie said he thought it was kind of funny that she was so open. He said that she was bragging that she was finally going to suck some white dick. Howie said that he does have her number and they should call her. Howard said he'd like to do that. He said she is one of the models on the show too.
Howard said it's not often that an audio guy can get this stuff. Howie said he had the model tell Stephen Baldwin what she was going to be doing that night. He said that Stephen and Tony Orlando was back stage and he told the model to tell him what she was going to do. Stephen heard that, told him he had the best job, and walked right out.
Howard said he's amazed at how many hot chicks are willing to stand there with the suitcases on that show ''Deal or No Deal.'' Howie asked if they got the number and called the chick. Gary said he did call but he got her voice mail.
Howard asked if that guy and the girl are becoming a relationship. Howie said it's not. He asked Robin if she would do something like that if she heard about a guy who was that good at oral. Robin said no to that. Howard said she just has anal with strangers in bathrooms.
Howard asked Howie about his new book ''Here's the Deal: Don't Touch Me'' which starts off with a story about Howard. Howie said that he's always had this OCD as long as he can remember. He said he had rituals from an early age and he had to ask his mom to tie his shoes and stuff because of this fear of germs. He said he and his brother used to fight and his brother would threaten him with a dirty hamper and he'd run away screaming like a girl.
Howard said he had OCD but he's learned to control it. He said Dr. Sarno helped him control it but it doesn't work for everyone. Howie said he's very medicated and he has to go to a psychiatrist. Howard said that he has to go to a shrink too and he isn't cured.
Howard said that it can be as simple as just giving it up. Howie said he can't just give it up. Howard told him to just go rub his hand all over the door handle in the studio. Howie said he knows he's not going to die but he can't just do it. Howard said he should just do it and he can break his rituals. Howie said he has done that but he still can't get over it.
Howard read that Howie used so much Purell that he destroyed all of his hands antibodies. He started to get warts on his hands because of that. Howard said that's freaking him out. Howie understands that germs are good for him but he still can't get used to that. Howard said he only uses Purell when he shakes someone's hand. Howie asked why they have to touch other people.
Howard asked Howie about a ring he had on his thumb. He said he has to get rid of that thing because it looks odd. Howie said that he has a ring that helps him out with his arthritis.
Howard said that Howie has this book out and he must be signing copies. Howie said that Howard signed all of those copies of his book but he didn't release it in the middle of an H1N1 outbreak. Howard said he was able to get through all of that because he just pushed through his OCD and didn't worry about getting the flu or anything.
Howie said that people don't know how rough it is to suffer from this. He said he feels he's having a nervous breakdown at times. Howie said that people don't take it seriously when it's someone like him or Artie. Artie said that he's really fucked up himself.
Howard said that his OCD was related to his back pain and going to Dr. Sarno is what helped him. He said once he acknowledged it, he was able to move past it.
Howard read that Howie built a second home in his back yard to escape his family's germs. Howie said he's the only one allowed in the house. Howie said that's only when his family is sick. Howie asked why that's crazy. Howard said that it's a whole second home in his back yard. Howie said it's not that big. Howard said it's a horrible existence. Howie said it really is. He said he's tortured.
Howard asked Howie what he thinks is behind all of this. Howie said they say it's physiological. Howard said it's not. He said he was able to get over it and Howie should be able to.
Howard said he has a lot of anger in him and his psychiatrist helped him get over it. He said that he didn't want to talk about that. Howard told Howie he has to figure out a way to explain it to him. He said it does come back and it's always going to be there but he's able to control it. He's not taking any medication either. He said his OCD would probably keep him from doing that.
Howard said Howie admits that he gets skeeved out from touching his own kid's hands. Howard said that's wild to admit that. Howard said his OCD kicks in when he holds his kid's hands too. Robin said she didn't believe that Howard had OCD because he would touch girls that came into the studio all the time. Howard and Howie said that's different.
Howard said he used to have to touch records on the outside and it would take him forever to put them away. He said everything freaked him out. He said Fred used to help him put away the records because of that. He said he used to roll over the records that were on the floor and that was just wrong.
Howie said Howard has no idea how freaked out he can get talking about this stuff. He's not freaked out today. He said that he broke a bunch of glasses in a room because he accidentally touched one. Robin said that Howard does still struggle with it every day. Howie said he's not cured then. Howard said he knows how bad it is.
Howard said that Howie won't eat in the same room as his own wife if she's sick. He has a toilet that opens and closes itself so he doesn't have to touch it. Howie said he found out about those when he stayed at the W hotel in New York City. He said he was in the Presidential suite and he loved the toilet. He said the toilet is heated and you don't have to touch anything on the toilet itself. Howie said that it has a ''rear cleanse'' button on it and it cleans your ass for you. He said it's like a power wash. Howard said he uses baby wipes. Howie said he can dial in the pressure of the washer. He said he turns up the power so high that he actually hovers on a geyser.
Howie said he hit the ''front cleanse'' one time and it was like a speed bag thing when the water started spraying on his balls. He said his wife saw him screaming and came in to try and help. He said that he was pummeled by the thing.
Howie said that the toilet even has air to blow dry your ass. He said you can control all of the power settings so you can control the heat and pressure of the water. He said you have to get the Toto toilet. He said he wants another one and he wants to be the spokesperson for the toilet. That's how much he loves it.
Howard asked how long he stays on the toilet. Howie said he could be in there for hours. He said he's installed a phone and a refrigerator in the bathroom so he can stay in there all day long. Howard asked if his wife uses the water too. Howie said he's not sure, he'd have to ask.
Howard read that Howie washes all of his money. Howie said he doesn't carry money, but if he has to carry money he leaves it in the pockets of his pants so it gets washed with the pants. That way he can hold the money. He said the money is filthy. Howard said that's kind of crippling. Howie said he's never been to an ATM. Howard said he understands that.
Howard said that Howie reportedly made $15 million from ''Deal or No Deal'' alone last year. He still does stand-up too so he's making money from that. Howie said that's the only time he's comfortable in his life. He said that he has terror but it's a good kind of terror.
Howard told Howie about how everything lifted from him this one day that it all hit him. He said once it lifted he got on the floor and cried. He said he never cries either.
Howie talked about the heart attack he had and how it's got an irregular heart beat. He said that they wanted to fix it by defibritlating him. He said that he had to have a procedure done on him. He said they had to go in through his groin to get to his heart. He said they went up through his groin with a camera and a laser and went right into the heart and lasered the inside of the heart so the electrical current would go to the right place.
Howie said that he asked not to have a catheter when he had surgery. They warned him that he was going to piss all over himself if he didn't. He didn't care and said that he didn't want one.
Howie said that he had apple juice in the room and he took a drink as he was getting ready to leave. They had just pulled the cover off of the spot where they went into his groin. He said that he was drinking and thought he was peeing. Then he felt like he was peeing as he was drinking so he looked down under the covers and blood was spurting out of his leg every time his heart beat. He said he screamed and the doctor came in and put pressure on the wound with all of his weight. Howie said the guy's face was like inches from his crotch as he was doing this. He said it really traumatized him.
Howard said that Howie seems to have a traumatized life. Howie said that he really is traumatized. He said he once got bitten by a sand fly when he was a kid and the things were crawling all over his body. He said that his mother was the one who cured him of that and it took like a year to get rid of all of the larva.
Howard asked Howie why he has to be in prison and why does he like it so much. Howie asked him if he was out of his fucking mind. He doesn't like it. Howie said that he's never comfortable. Howard said he's in a tortured hell. Howie said he really is. Howard said that you have to go out and buy this book because it must have taken him forever to write it with the rituals he has.
Howard said Howie wrote about the time he was on the show and couldn't leave the studio because he couldn't touch the door handle. He admitted he had this problem on Howard's show for the first time. He wrote about all of that in the book. Howard said he had OCD too and he didn't think he could even admit it to himself.
Howard said Howie did a stunt where he asked a woman to get naked on his show and the woman turned out to be his son's teacher. Howie said he saw Alan Funt do Candid Camera when he was a kid and he thought it was great. He said that's what he wanted to do but he was an idiot about it. He said he thought the joke was that if he was joking and no one knew he was joking, that was the joke. He said that he still does this stuff for his own enjoyment. He said he tapes stuff all the time and watches it at home.
Howie said he went into a costume store and asked if he could shoot a hidden camera thing there. The guy was okay with it so he shot this thing where this woman asked him for a bird costume. He told her to pull down her pants and lower her panties and bend over for him. Howie said he asked her to do that and she asked what the hell he was doing. She said she just wanted a bird costume. Howie said he was going to glue feathers on her ass. She recognized him and told him that she was his daughter's teacher. Howie said he had to tell her he was just kidding and it was for TV. He said it was horrible and he didn't show up at the parent teacher conference he had that same night.
Howie said that his son once had a growth on his chest and it turned out to be a little piece of extra bone. He told the kid that it was a boner when he asked what it was. He said that he forgot to tell the kid he was just kidding and the kid went to school the next day and told people that he had a boner. Howie said that he got a call from the school the next day and they made them come in because he was being inappropriate.
Howard asked about another incident he had with a neighbor. Howie said they lived in this house with the house in the back yard. They had a swing set there too and they could hear the neighbors in their pool when you were on the swings. Howie said he was teaching his daughter how to swing and he put her on his lap and showed her how to pump with his legs. Howie said that he was swinging and making grunting noises. Howie said he could hear the neighbors so he started to grunt with his daughter telling him she was ready. His daughter said ''I can feel your penis in my butt!'' as they were swinging. He said the neighbors ended up moving within weeks. He said he got so embarrassed by the whole thing that he ran into the house with her and hid.
Howard asked Howie if he's still doing the Jay Leno show. Howie said he does. Howard said he's bombing out with that show. Howie said he's not bombing out. Howard asked if he secretly likes that he's failing. Howie said that Jay has been good to him so he's not going to say that. He said that he's a good guy. Howard said he doesn't think he's a good guy. He said the way he handled the whole Stuttering John thing was crappy. He said that he just snuck around behind his back and he was a weasel about it. Howard told Howie to beware of him. He said Jay may spread germs all over him.
Howard gave Howie some plugs for his book and said that he's signing copies at the 92nd street Y. Howie asked if it's normal to have a book signing at a Y. Artie said they have events there and it's not really a YMCA like he thinks it is. Howard said that Howie is going to be doing some other book signings around the country.
Howie said that he's also on Twitter as HowieMMandel.
Howard told Howie that he wants to talk to him off the air about the OCD thing. He has to figure out a way how to tell him about how it came to him and how that pressure was released from his shoulders. He said if he could tell him how to do it, he would. Howard said he would love to help the guy out. He told him to just go bang one of those models on ''Deal or No Deal'' and that'll cure him.
Howard said he doesn't do this tweeting thing. Howie told him he should follow him. Howie said he googles himself too. Howard said he used to go on the SternFanNetwork but he had to stop because there was so much hate for him there. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that was Bubba's theme song. He said every time he hears that song he thinks about Bubba's show.
Howard said that Jesse Ventura was there and he's got a new show called ''Conspiracy Theory'' on Tru TV. Howard asked Jesse if he's still living down in Mexico. Jesse said he is but he's been out doing this stuff for a while. He said he's going home next week.
Jesse said that Tru TV used to be Court TV and now they've got the new name. Howard said that he's hosting the show that's on tonight at 10pm on Tru TV. Howard asked how the show works. Jesse told him how they get these conspiracy theories and they look into them more and leave it up to the audience to believe what they want about it.
Howard asked Jesse if he still thinks that the World Trade Center attacks were orchestrated by the government. Jesse said they can't prove anything now that the evidence is gone. He said that if they didn't have anything to do with it, they at least knew that it was going to happen and they did nothing about it.
Robin said that they said the same things about the attacks on Pearl Harbor. Jesse said that worked and it would work again if they let the World Trade Center attacks happen.
Howard said that if they had a draft again then the war would be over in Iraq. He said that's what ended the Vietnam war. Howard said he didn't have to go to that but Jesse did. Jesse said he was drafted. He said his number came up and he went in. Howard said he was too young to go in at the time. Howard and Jesse talked about that and how Jesse became a Navy Seal. He said his mom was a war vet so he couldn't not go in. He said his brother and father were also in the military.
Jesse said he was on Larry King the other night with Ben Stein and they were talking about the war in Iraq and the couple that made it into the White House. Jesse said we have to watch our own back yard before we occupy another country. He said that they haven't fired anyone over 9/11 and no one will get fired for letting that couple into the White House. Jesse said that no one was even demoted in the 9/11 thing. He said that they do that so there's no investigation. He said that's all part of the cover up.
Jesse said that if that happened while he was president, he would fire someone. It was a catastrophic failure and someone should have been fired.
Howard brought up Tiger Woods and asked Jesse what he thinks about that. Howard said he should just come clean. Jesse said that it's no one's business and someone needs to draw a line in the sand and tell the public that they don't have to know every detail of this guy's life. Jesse said that it's his business but there are journalists out there who think it's their business. Jesse said that the media will eat their young and someone once warned him about that. Jesse said that Tiger should be fighting the ticket too because he was on private property when he had the accident.
Howard said that the first episode of Jesse's show is an investigation into the HAARP which is some kind of military run organization. Jesse said that the government only allows a radio station to broadcast at 50,000 watts. Up in Canada they're sending out low level radio waves from a bunch of 50,000 watt antennas up there. He said that they can knock planes out of the air with those things. He said that they're doing mind control from them. He said that's what this episode is about. Jesse said he's seen a demonstration of this.
Howard asked what he saw in the demonstration he saw of this thing. Jesse said that he heard music being played through the front of his brain and not through his ears. He said that people can be controlled with this stuff and that's what they're using the radio waves for. Jesse said that they list it as an unclassified research project but he wasn't allowed in there. He said that means it's not unclassified. He said that Darpa is paying for it and that's one of the most secretive parts of the government. He said that it could also be a death ray. Howard said they invent this stuff and they roll the dice with their lives when they come up with this stuff.
Jesse said that when they pump up this HAARP thing it makes the Northern Lights more visible and in Indonesia they say they saw the northern lights before the tsunami hit there. He said that he thinks that this whole Tsunami could have been caused by that HAARP thing.
Howard and Jesse talked about Afghanistan and what would happen if we pulled out. Jesse said that the Taliban has actually helped stop the drug trade over there in the past. He said that the drug money that stopped flowing over there could be the reason that the banks collapsed. He said that's another theory he has. He said that the government lies so much they have no credibility anymore. Howard asked when he realized it was all a lie. Jesse said it was Vietnam. He said that was when he realized it. Then in 2004 they said that one of the attacks never happened over there and it was fabricated so they could get the war going. He said it was all bullshit and that's why he thinks that 9/11 could have been orchestrated.
Jesse and Howard talked about Sarah Palin and how bad she would have been as Vice President. Howard asked Jesse about this ID card he has that shows he was the Governor of Minnesota. Jesse said that's a get out of jail free card down in Mexico. He said they can pull you over and ask you to pay them off to get out of the charges. Jesse said you understand that down there and accept that the government is corrupt.
Jesse told Howard about how weird it was being governor of Minnesota and how he used to go home and bail hay after he went to work as governor. He said he was making $120,000 a year as governor and you have to cut that in half because of taxes. Then they charged him for meals there at the mansion. He said it was cheap but they deducted it from his pay. He had to pay for his car there too. He said going to and from his house wasn't work so he had to pay for it. He wanted to drive in on his own but they refused to let him do that. He said it was a Catch 22 and they made him take the car and then deducted it from his pay check.
Jesse said he was being governor making about 50 grand a year after taxes and the fees. He said he worked on his farm on the weekends. He said he got ridiculed for working hard. He said that he doesn't understand that.
Jesse told Howard that he has people come up to him all the time telling him that they make great radio together. Howard said they are good and if he was a woman he'd ask him out. He said he doesn't know many women like Jesse though.
Howard said they're talking about remaking The Predator which Jesse was in. Howard said the movie was great and he thinks they should leave it alone. Jesse said he views it as a compliment. He said that they remake great classics all the time. He said that he's not afraid of the kids not seeing the original. Jesse said that he can't go back because he's in his 60s now. He said he views it as an achievement compliment.
Howard asked if he saw the movie Predator Vs. Alien. Jesse didn't see it. Howard said that he thought the Predator would win over Alien. He said it wasn't conclusive in the movie. Jesse said they were looking for a sequel so that's why.
Howard was about to wrap up with Jesse but Jesse said he would stay there all day long. Howard said he'd love to talk to him too. Howard said that he read Jesse said that he knows who shot Kennedy but he's not going to say until the second season of his show. Jesse said he didn't say he knows who did it, he can just prove that there was a conspiracy. He said that he thinks that there were two Oswalds. He said that he thinks that they had two guys with the same identity and they set up the real Oswald to make him look guilty. Howard said that's wild and he can't imagine why they would do that. Jesse said he has to go seek out people to find out if it's true or not. He said that they'll never hear anything about it even if he does prove it. Not with the media the way it is.
Jesse told Howard some other conspiracy stories and said there was a trial going on during the OJ Simpson trial that was about how the government had something to do with the death of Martin Luther King. He said no one knew about it because they were all busy following the OJ Simpson thing.
Howard asked Jesse who they can trust. He asked if they can trust him. Jesse said that he's admitted everything he did wrong right up front so he's trustworthy. Howard said that he was also a Navy Seal. Jesse said that he has Hannity scared of him because of that.
Howard asked if Jesse walked off of the Brian Kilmead show. Jesse said that Brian actually walked off the show because he didn't like what he was saying. He said he also scared Hannity when he told him that he's got to sleep sometime during an interview. He said he only does those shows live and refuses to do them via satellite so he can look them in the eye.
Howard thanked Jesse for coming in and Jesse said he loves doing the show. He said his wife doesn't like the show so much because Howard turns everything sexual. Howard said that Jesse should be screaming from the mountain tops that he's still having sex 3 times a week at his age. Jesse told Howard that a man can't go to places that tempt you because that's what leads to problems. He said he doesn't go to bars or strip clubs because of that.
Howard asked Jesse if a guy should come clean and tell a wife if they cheat. Jesse said he doesn't know the answer to that. He said it depends on the wife and the way the relationship is.
Jesse told Howard that his real name isn't Jesse Ventura so technically he wasn't even governor for 4 years. He said he doesn't give out his real name even though you can find out on the internet. He said that he picked his own name for the wrestling thing. He said he was going to be a surfer guy in the wrestling thing and he liked the name Jesse. Then he looked at a map of California and saw Ventura and that's how he came up with the Jesse Ventura name.
Howard gave Jesse some more plugs and wrapped up the interview. Jesse told Howard that this show of his will scare him. He said that it scared him just doing the show. Howard said he had a bunch of phone calls for him but he might have to save it for the next time he's on. Jesse said he'll be back in the spring to promote his new book. He also said he wants to come out and visit Howard in the Hamptons sometime. Howard said he'd love to have him out there. He went to break after that.
Howard said that he wanted to talk to Lisa G about her not signing that guy's book yesterday. He said that she claimed that it was because she was going to be going into the studio so she didn't want to get distracted. Howard said he thinks that she might think that she was bigger than she actually was when she was on the Dr. Dre show.
Ronnie came in and said that he felt bad for that guy Doug because Lisa refused to sign his book while everyone else was signing it.
Howard asked Lisa what was up with that. Lisa said that she told him that he would sign his book after his segment. Ronnie said that she didn't do it then. Lisa said she was waiting for Howard to call her name. Gary said that she wouldn't have had to not listen to the show to sign the book. Howard said he heard that she refused to take a picture with someone else too. Lisa said she gets in trouble for taking pictures so she's not sure what's right or wrong. She said that she would do it if she felt it was appropriate. She said it was also Howard's book and she felt weird about that. Howard said that must be what it's about.
Lisa said she went to Artie's book signing too and she was on a deadline so she didn't sign anything there. Ronnie said he can't figure her out. He said she can stand there and talk to every guest in the green room but she didn't do it with this one guy. Howard said some people think that she's too good to sign anything. Lisa said that's really not it at all.
Howard said Lisa has something on her Facebook page which was a roll call tape from the morning show she used to be on. Howard said she offered it to them first and Gary played it for him and he wondered why it was so popular. Howard said he's listened to it twice and he still doesn't get it. Lisa said she gets a lot of requests to post that on her site.
Howard played the clip for Robin where Dr. Dre and Ed Lover were doing this roll call thing. Howard didn't think Lisa was even in the clip. She said she was. They did this lame rap type thing where they sang about the roll call thing. Howard still didn't get why it was popular. Lisa was laughing at it like it was funny.
Howard said that the chick on the phone in the clip was pretty good. He replayed that part of the clip and tried to listen to the rest of it. Lisa said they did that at exactly 7:20 every morning. Howard said that he doesn't get why they would do something like that at a set time. He said that he did his show from 6-11 and didn't have anything that laid out. Howard said that's why they're not still on the air. Howard asked what happened. Lisa said they did very well back then but they wanted the new flavor of the month so they got rid of them.
Howard said when someone is good they don't get rid of them. He said they keep them around as long as they can. Howard said it sounded pre-taped but Lisa claims that bit was live. They had a musical track that they did it along to.
Howard said he's going to try doing that every morning at 7:20. He said he could probably get Scott to recreate the track. Howard said they'll have to get people like Bobo to call in every day. Howard said this 7:20 thing is ridiculous. They have a theory that at 7:20 they want to drag people through quarter hours and if they promote it the right way they get people to listen for 2 quarter hours. Howard said that's just stupid. Howard said they have to be good on radio to keep an audience.
Howard asked Lisa about the music beds and if she had anything they could use. Lisa said that she didn't have anything. Gary thought he knew which song the music bed came from but he was wrong according to the guys in the studio.
Lisa said that she used to tell them in meetings that Howard was number one because he just talks. He said that Ed and Dre weren't the ones she was talking to, it was the program directors.
Howard took a call from a Sal who was singing along with the morning roll call as if he was a woman. He kept calling Lisa G names and telling her she sucks. Howard said he didn't like that he was calling Lisa the C-word.
Howard took a call from Matt who was part of the Superfan Trivia challenge and he said that everyone took pictures with him but Lisa refused. Matt said he asked her to do it and she kept saying no.
Lisa said that if it's crowded back there she has to feel out the situation. Ronnie asked what kind of shit she was handing them. Gary said that when they want to clear the halls it's when she's kind of sniffing around the celebrities, not around this guy who was a really nice fan who asked her to take a picture.
Ronnie said he took that guy Doug's book and went around having everyone sign it. He said Lisa could have signed it because she wasn't out doing any interviews. Lisa said she was doing an interview on the phone and she couldn't just drop everything.
Gary asked Lisa why she wasn't in the hall yesterday to ask that guy Doug about his win Fred's Money thing. Lisa said she was busy doing a phone interview. The guys didn't believe her and said she's making up excuses. Howard said Ronnie has a thing for Lisa. Howard said she looks really good today. He said that red is her color. Howard said if she ever slept with Ronnie he would rock her universe. Howard said he's like a vagina whisperer. Howard said he's heard stories.
Lisa was blushing so Howard kept going and told her that Ronnie is a player. Lisa asked if he's like Tiger Woods. Ronnie said he's a Scorpio so he's good in bed. Lisa said she is too.
Matt asked Lisa when she last had sex or made out with a guy. Lisa said it's hard to meet people. Ronnie told her he was right there baby. Howard asked if she's been with a man since she started at SIRIUS. Lisa said she had dated some guys and she has kissed some guys. Matt said ''bullshit!'' Howard asked if she had sex. Lisa said she had. She didn't want to give details though.
Howard said it would be great if Ronnie banged Lisa and she came in with her hair all messed up. Lisa said that his NASCAR stuff would have to go. Ronnie quickly said that she's not coming to his house. He said he'd do her at a hotel. He said he'd take her to some dumpy motel somewhere.
Howard asked Lisa who she's bringing to the holiday party. Lisa said she's coming alone. She said he did meet Mike Portnoy but that didn't work out. Howard said maybe she'll meet someone at the holiday party. Ronnie said maybe she'll hook up with the dish washer at the party.
Ronnie said Lisa came to Rick's one night to do an interview and she ran out of there as soon as she saw one boob. Howard said he heard that Lisa eats lunch alone every day. Ronnie said he heard that people leave the room when she eats.
Richard came in and said that Lisa is mad at Sal. She gave him a gift of a globe and he threw it away. Lisa said Shuli showed her that the globe was in the glom box so he threw it out. Lisa has it on her desk now. Howard thanked her for answering the questions and let her go. He said that they're going to do the roll call thing tomorrow.
Howard said people should ask him before taking the booze. He said that's like going to someone's house and taking their stuff. Howard said if Ralph did that it's wrong. Howard said he wants to know the answer to that. Robin asked where he was. Howard said he'll find out.
Steve said that Jackie Martling may be appearing in a new movie with Charles Durning. Steve said that he's listed as a cast member of a movie. That led to Howard and Artie doing impressions of Jackie in one of the last movies he was in. They acted out the scene that they've played on the air many times.
Steve said that they also have a story about how all 23,000 hours of Howard's show being digitized. All of the shows are available on one server. It took nearly 5 years to make it happen. Howard said they had a whole warehouse full of tapes and now they're all digitized and forever saved. Howard said that you can lose the tapes but now that it's digitized they'll be able to save it all.
Howard said Jeff Schick was telling him about how many terabytes they have. He said it was like 3 terabytes of stuff or something like that. Steve said they have it backed up somewhere else too.
Steve said that Riley Martin was invited to the holiday party but he'd rather have a raise. Howard said he's not invited but let him believe he was. Howard said they couldn't invite everyone. He said that he invited some of the people from the channels and the people from the show. Howard said he likes that Eron guy but maybe not Riley so much.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He mentioned that he just sent Jon's daughter a Bat Mitzvah gift. He said he wrote the check and mailed it out. Jon said it's too bad he won't be there for the party. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's Wrap Up Show after that. They ended up talking about Howard's Munsters Marathon being canceled when he realized he didn't have the TV shows. Howard spent a short time talking about that. He said he can't believe he had the movies instead of the TV shows.
Howard said he just saw Artie sniffing his arm after biting it. Artie said he doesn't sniff it. He said he just puts it up to his face. He said he just kind of lays it there. Gary said that the TV guys pointed out that he's been drawing lines on his fingers. Artie said he used to do that in high school. Howard said it's like Morse code or something. Artie said he draws on the cracks of his fingers. He said he's not sure why he dos it. Howard said it might be a map to Delaware where his drug dealer was.
Howard said it looks like Artie is making love to his arm. He said he ate some cupcakes today and he gets kind of melancholy when he does that. That's when he starts smelling his arm. Artie said the arm smelling thing happens more often than the cupcake eating.
Howard talked about how he wanted to bang Meg but he never did get the chance. He said that Meg was pretty intense back then. He said he was really bad on the radio back then too. He said she was way out of his league. He would have loved to have given her some action though.
Howard talked about some of the weird music Meg used to play and had Fred play some of that stuff. Howard said you just have to know music to impress Meg. Howard said that she was all over the Sex Pistols and you had to know every obscure song by the band to impress her. Howard said he thought she was a rich girl because she had a horse and things like that when she was growing up.
Howard was talking about how hard he wanted to give it to Meg and Robin said that's like Sal sticking his dick in the tiny cup of paint and talking about banging someone hard. Howard said he's the size of a pimple and even he talks about banging hard. He said Meg should have given it to him.
Gary told Howard that he has breaking news about Tiger Woods. He said they say that Tiger has said that he has let his family down and regrets his ''transgressions.'' Howard said that he should come out and apologize to his wife ''Regina'' like Letterman did. He said he should just use Dave's excuse word for word.
Robin started her news and talked about how Meredith Baxter coming out and saying that she is a lesbian. Howard said that's hot. Howard said it would have been hotter when she was still hot. Robin said this has been for the last 7 years only and she's 62 years old now. Howard said some lucky chick gets to lick that 62 year old vagina. Howard said that story would have been interesting back in 1963. Robin said she came out because she heard that the National Enquirer and Perez Hilton were onto the story. Robin read that Meredith is doing some show there at SIRIUS on OutQ.
Gary came in and read the statement that Tiger released. He said Tiger was talking about how he's been hounded lately by the press. He said that the stories about his wife beating him up are wrong. Tiger said he's going to strive to be a better person and things like that. Gary said you can almost see his wife standing over his shoulder as he wrote this.
Robin had audio of a phone call Tiger made to one of his girlfriends. Robin said that Us Weekly got this audio and said that this one girl must have saved every text message she got from him. She also saved the voice mails. Howard played the clip and said he hopes it's dirty. In the call Tiger was asking this girl to take his name off her phone so if his wife calls she won't know who it is. Tiger asked her to do it quickly so he doesn't get in trouble.
Howard said he was hoping that call would be like the Pat O'Brien voice mails. Artie said those were great. They started to recite some of the lines from those voice mails. Robin also had some news reports about the ticket tiger got for crashing his truck into a tree. He has to pay a $164 fine.
Robin read about Steven Seagal's new TV show that's starting tonight. She had some audio of his partner from the show talking about what a good guy he is. Howard said the show is going to be great.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was pretending to be Meredith Baxter. He let him go on for a few seconds before hanging up and going to commercial break.
After the break, around 10:40am, Howard had Robin get right back to her news. Robin read some details of President Obama's speech last night. She had some clips from it too and Howard said it was good to hear since he was busy watching ''Sex Rehab'' last night while the President was on.
Robin read some news about John Gotti Jr. getting off once again in a mistrial. Robin had some audio of him talking about that.
Robin had a story about Michael Vick who was out speaking to some people at a Boys and Girls club. He was telling the kids to stay away from dog fighting. Robin had some audio of that as well.
Robin said that PETA is trying to get people to stop frequenting pet stores to get their pets. Howard said he tries to tell people that too. He said he tells people not to go there to get them and asks them where they've been. Robin said PETA has Joanna Krupa posing in their latest poster and she's wearing wings and little else in the poster. Howard said Joanna is also a former Miss Howard TV. He wanted to make sure they point that out.
Robin read a story about this sexomnia that some people have. She said that people can turn into sex addicts when she's asleep and doesn't remember what happened the next day. Robin said this woman falls asleep and then starts touching herself. Her boyfriend didn't like it so he broke up with her. Howard said that's a turn on to him. He wondered why the boyfriend would break up over that.
Robin had a story about Marilyn Monroe and how they think they have film of her smoking pot. Robin said that someone bought the film and the person who shot it is confirming that she was smoking weed on the film. Robin didn't get why that was such a big deal.
Robin read a story about how mother/son incest is on the rise. She said that a kid revealed that his own mother was molesting him from the age of 4. She would beat him until he was unconscious. Robin said that the kid said that his mother would have boyfriends over who molested him too.
Robin read a story about Christmas lights causing fires. She said they found that 30 percent of lighting sets aren't made properly and they can cause fires. Robin said the sets coming from China are apparently the worst.
Robin read a story about the top reality shows of the past 10 years. they mention Survivor, The Bachelor, Flavor of Love, The Apprentice, America's Next Top Idle, Extreme Makeover, Amazing Race and The Hills. American Idol wasn't on the list. Howard said Sex Rehab and Lamas should be on there too.
Robin read a story about Dave Chappelle showing up at a Charlie Murphy comedy show and did 30 minutes on stage.
Robin said that there was also more about the Steven Tyler Aerosmith story. She said that they're saying that they're having trouble with Steven and they're not sure what's going on.
Robin said that Rihanna has confirmed that the nude photos that were on the internet this year were actually her. Robin said that she admitted to that during an interview on Hot 97. She said she sent them to her boyfriend and she feels bad for the people who don't do that for their boyfriends.
Robin read that it's the tree lighting tonight at Rockefeller Center. She also had a quick story about Toby Maguire and had some audio of him talking about a new movie he's in. Howard said it's not Spider-Man so no one cares. He ended the show after that. It was around 11:00am.
Gary said he wants to get Ronnie in there because he'd like to know what she was doing wrong when he scolded her. Lisa said she had to make the split second decision to sign that book and she felt it was wrong to sign it so she didn't.
Lisa said that she'd sign the book for the guy if he comes back today. She said she has no problem signing the book. She was also wondering who the guy was on the Superfan Trivia thing because she didn't remember him. Lisa said she's sorry that she doesn't remember him at all. Lisa said that she gets scolded by Ronnie about a lot of stuff there so she just played it safe by not signing that book.
Gary told Lisa that she's part of the show so that's why they ask her to sign stuff. She said that she feels weird doing it and it's not her book to sign. Gary said that they all sign books like that though. He said Will and Jason sighed that guy Doug's book even though they were like high school age when Private Parts came out.
Lisa said that when someone asks her to sign Artie's book she feels weird because it's his book. Gary said that it has a connection to the show though.
Lisa said she had to get going. Jon said he wanted to talk about that morning roll call thing they played this morning. Lisa said that the look on Howard's face was what cracked her up. She said you had to be there to know how popular it was back then. She said it was a lot of fun back in the 90s when they were doing it.
The guys asked some questions about that morning roll call clip and played some of the audio of Howard playing it.
After playing the clip Jason asked what kind of ratings they had that made them popular. Lisa said that they were very popular in a specific demo. She said that it wasn't Jason's demo they were going for. She said that fat, nerdy, white Jewish guys weren't their demo. Lisa said she had to go. She said she had to finish up her news stories for Noon.
Ronnie said he was listening to her in the car just now and she fibs a lot. He said he's not going to call her a liar. He said that she kind of fibs because he doesn't throw her out of green rooms. He said she doesn't ask her to get out, he just lets her know that he needs the green room.
Ronnie said that Lisa spoke to the guy about Mensa or something even after he had asked her about signing the book. Lisa said she didn't remember doing that. Lisa said she had to get going. Ronnie said he had more questions for her. Lisa ran out of the studio back to the news room.
Jon said that they're like an old married couple. Gary said he thinks that Ronnie has a crush on her and he wants to pull her pig tails. Ronnie said he really wants to stab her with a pencil. Then he said that he'd love to take her to a hotel and show her what he can do.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that this roll call thing really was a big thing. They kept listeners calling in to rap about the show. He said it was a really big thing. The guy said that Lisa G was a big deal in the hip hop community too. Gary said that wasn't on their radar back then so of course they don't get it.
Gary said that there were a lot of shows that came and went quickly but that one was around for a while. He said he'd give that to the caller. Jason said he doesn't think that it was all that popular and the whole roll call thing wasn't all that popular. Jason said he went to Lisa G's web site and saw that there were no comments on that roll call thing that she had on her site.
Sal said he used to listen to that station when he was growing up and he never heard that roll call thing. He said he used to listen to a lot of hip hop stations and never heard that.
Benjy said that a lot of people don't know what the Wack Pack is on their show. Sal said that he thinks that's more popular than the roll call thing was.
Jon asked Gary if they're doing the roll call thing tomorrow at 7:20. Gary said he heard Scott working on some music so maybe they will.
The guys talked more about Lisa being part of that Dr. Dre and Ed Lover show and Sal said that there's no way they thought Lisa G was good for the show. They hired her as the token white girl for the show so they could do more edgy material according to Sal. Sal said that there is no one whiter than Lisa G.
Gary said that he saw a clip of Ed Lover, Dr. Dre and Lisa G going to pick up some award and Lisa danced on stage with them and it was very funny.
Jason said that everything on Lisa's web site is copyrighted and they don't even have that kind of stuff on Howard's web site. He said that everything has a warning on it on her web site. Gary said she makes people think that everything is so important it's going to be stolen.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Lisa G isn't a fibber, she's a liar. He said that you can tell when she's lying because of the change of voice. He said that she also won't answer a question directly if she's asked something she doesn't want to answer. The caller said he doesn't think she's had sex since she got to SIRIUS. He said that she's self centered and egotistical and that roll call thing was meaningless and no one cares.
Jon asked the guys if they think Lisa is untruthful. Gary said she may bend the truth but he doesn't think she's a liar. Ronnie said she hasn't been laid in fuckin' years. He said she needs it though. Ronnie said she needs a release. Sal said he wants Ronnie to shag her so bad. Ronnie said he got permission to do it too. He said that he got clearance from his girlfriend. Gary said that's half the battle right there.
Another caller said that Lisa does't have to tell them about her sex life on the show. He said it's no one's business but her's and the guy she's been with. Jason said that they talk about stuff that's no one's business all the time. That's what the show is about.
Gary said that if you're going to be part of the show, and reap all of the benefits, you have to be part of the show. If you don't then you should go somewhere else.
Ronnie said that Sal is complimenting Gary by doing that. Gary said that's the way he looks at it too. Sal said he's never had a really tall woman like Mary before. He said he would lick her legs like they wouldn't believe.
Gary said Sal has very weird sexual fantasies. He was talking about banging her behind a dumpster after dragging her there by her heels. Sal said she's a really wonderful woman. He said he loves getting together with Gary and his wife. Sal said he knows a lot about Mary but he wants to get to that part where he's behind the dumpster.
A caller said that Sal and his wife have a lot of codes going on and you know it's over at that point. Gary said that he has to know that it's almost over when it comes to having sex during commercial breaks. Sal said that she won't move so he has to do it during the commercial breaks.
Jon asked Sal how he makes the move on his wife. Sal said he sneaks his hand into her shirt and he'll move his hand up to her nipple and if he gets there without stopping him then he knows he's good to go. He said it's a really slow process though. Sal said he does that and if she stops him he'll just roll over and go to sleep.
Ronnie asked if Sal ever tries to slip it in the other hole when she's watching something really interesting. Sal said she's not into that so he doesn't do that.
Sal said that he's never used a condom in his life and he just pulls out. He said that he'll do his thing with his wife, finish and she'll get back to her TV show. Ronnie said she's another girl who needs an afternoon in a dirty hotel.
Another caller asked Sal if he would have an affair with Mary if he really had the chance. Sal said if he got the green light from his wife and from Mary he still wouldn't do it because of Gary. He said he likes Gary too much to do something like that.
Jon asked Sal if he was drunk at a party and he had a shot, would he really go ask permission to do something. Gary asked if he would do anything if she started to rub his balls in the coat room. Sal said he would try to talk to her about what was going on and hope that he cums before he was done talking to her. He said that he actually wouldn't be able to turn down something like that if it really happened.
Gary said he never understood the guys who get off on seeing other guys banging their wives. Gary said he has to apologize to anyone there who likes seeing that. They had to go to break a short time later.
Gary said that Howard has told Howie that he can't ever cure this OCD thing but he can work through it. Gary said that Howard still has issues with it but he doesn't really notice it. Gary said that he's heard stories about a kid who couldn't make it up steps because of the way the carpet would change color.
Benjy said he can't leave his TV on something bad. He has to leave it off on something positive. He said he does some other things when someone says something bad on TV like saying ''God forbid, take it bad'' and then he spits three times.
Gary said Howard is very germ phobic and he carries Purell. Gary said he does the same thing and brings it when he visits his mother in the nursing home. Gary said that he sees germs in his head that he didn't see in the past.
Jon played a clip from the show where Howie was talking about building a house on his property that he could go into when his family is sick.
After that clip the guys talked about some of the other things Howie was talking about like the vagina whisperer and the super toilet he had. They talked about Howie's candid camera stories and what goes on at ''Deal or No Deal'' too.
Gary and Jon were also talking about the other stuff Howie has done like St. Elsewhere and some other TV shows. Benjy wondered if anything is going to come out about the vagina whisperer thing. He said it's kind of a family show and that was kind of racy. Gary said that it might open it up to the people who run the company. He said that there are changes of trouble with 40 hot chicks working on a show like that.
Sal said that when he watches ''Deal or No Deal'' he sees the families doing the fist thing and they must be told that by the producers or something. He said it's weird to see an old lady do that with Howie. He said they must tell them not to touch the guy if they want the money.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard has always been able to function with his OCD but Howie can't. He said that maybe it's more about the attention. He said that Howie is fucked up and maybe Howard thought he had it and it wasn't as bad. He said maybe it's just so they can feel special. The caller also said that having Jesse Ventura on again for the third time this year was too much. Gary said that he'll have to take that into account for the next time.
Jon said that Jesse brought up the remake of Predator and they were talking about how remakes are never as good as the original. Gary said he had never seen the Predator movie. Jon told him to see it because it was great. Gary said he knew nothing about them or the sequels. Gary said he'll have to check it out though. He said remakes usually suck. Sal said that Titanic was a good remake of an old movie by the same name. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about doing the roll call thing today. He said that he's worried about the caller they get on the line being able to sing along. Howard said he's going to teach everyone how to do it today. He said he's been rehearsing. Robin said Lisa G was in there rehearsing it.
Howard said he should get a caller on the line and figure out who that person should be. Howard is going to be the leader. He said they're going to be doing this at 7:20 every day. Howard tried to get his megaphone working but it was out of commission so he got pissed at Scott for not checking it.
Howard said Artie can do the repeating of ''It's the roll call'' that they heard in the clip they played yesterday. Robin asked who the creator of ''roll call'' was. Howard said it was Dr. Dre and Ed Lover. Howard had an example of what they were going to be doing today. It sounded like a rehearsal of what they heard yesterday. Howard, Artie, Fred and the guys were all singing on that.
Howard told everyone what they're going to have to do when they have a caller on the line. Robin said that Howard wasn't on the beat and he had to get that right. He was instructing everyone else on what to do but Robin had to correct him.
Howard said he wanted to try it with a caller. Howard said they had to have pre-recorded the callers on that show Lisa G was on. Gary said she swears they did it live. Howard said maybe she just didn't know and they actually did pre-record it.
Ass Napkin Ed was on the phone so Howard got him on and played him the original before they did the real thing. Howard told Ed what he had to do and how he had to do his own rap, not what the woman did on the clip they played yesterday. Howard played that clip that Lisa G brought in and warmed Ed up. Howard said they're not lucky enough to have the same production that they did on that show. Howard said they're doing everything live. They had some pre-recorded stuff in their clip.
Artie said there was no way that was live in that clip. Fred said you could hear the edit in that clip too. Lisa G came in and said that they did it live and even if they messed up they kept going. Howard asked her if she wanted to stay in there for the run through. Lisa said she wanted to listen in. Howard told her to stay in there and go through it with them. Ed was saying he knew what to do so he was ready to go. Artie said none of them are going to nail it on the first try.
Robin said she didn't know where to come in or what to say. Fred told Jason to print some things out and he'll circle it for Robin. Lisa said they had a script and it was just the phone callers who did the freestyle thing. Howard said he has the script and that doesn't even help. Howard said he's not into the rap thing and he's not sure he can stay on beat.
Howard said Lisa G was making it sound like their show was the best thing ever. She said they did pretty good in the ratings even though Howard beat them all the time.
Gary told Howard that they had audio of Lisa G talking about what made Hot 97 so great. Howard played the audio of Lisa talking about the show she was on and saying that they wanted something new and fresh at the station so that's why they were fired. Howard said if they had good ratings they wouldn't have fired them. Lisa said that was the way of hip hop stations.
Ed told Howard he was waiting for this guy Chester to show up to collect rent money from everyone there. He said he might have to answer his door.
Howard played more of the Lisa G audio where she was talking about how they were number one as the morning music program. Howard said he has to look that up and find out what kind of ratings they had back then. Lisa said that Howard was opening up a big wound with her. Howard told her he just wants to see what kind of ratings they had. Lisa said it was weird that they got fired and they used to keep them separated in meetings so they couldn't negotiate in a group. Howard said she sounds like the Fergie of the group.
Howard said he was watching the American Music Awards and saw Fergie go up with the rest of the Black Eyed Peas and she was just about naked up there. Howard said she was singing about that Will I Am like she's fucking him. Howard said she must suck and fuck like crazy based on the way she dances. Howard said she'd rock his world and he might not be able to handle her. Howard said she'd be right out the door once he came.
Howard said he's wearing his boots in honor of Will I Am. He said he's trying to look like the guy. He said maybe Fergie will get turned on by that.
Howard said Fergie has some zits on her face and stuff so maybe he could get her. Lisa said she read that her husband is cheating on her. Howard said she looks like she can bang. He said the way she moves when she's dancing shows that. Howard said he loves that she's all sweaty and stanky after dancing. He said he'd have to make her take a bath after all of that.
Ed asked Howard if he could get a Christmas prize after they're done. Howard said if he does it right then he'll give him something. Howard told him what he has to say when he asks him where he's calling in from. Ed was just going to say ''Buffalo'' in that monotone voice of his.
Howard said that Lisa claims that she had a bunch of requests for the morning roll call thing so that's why she put it up on her web site. Howard said he's glad that she brought it in so they could hear it. Howard asked how many requests she's gotten over the years. She said it's more than 5 but she said it's been over years so she didn't have a number. Howard didn't believe it and asked how many people have really asked for that. Lisa said that it has to be around 100 people. Howard still didn't believe it. He said he knows she doesn't have proof. Lisa said she doesn't keep the emails. Howard said this reminds him of the Jon Hein oral sex numbers. Howard said you don't look at Jon Hein and think blow jobs.
Howard told Ed that it was time to test out this roll call thing. He started it out and Artie joined in saying ''It's the roll call'' over and over. They all started rapping and trying to get it going. Howard said Ed was doing his rap in the middle of it and not coming in at the right time. Lisa wasn't sure where to come in either. Fred said she came in at the wrong time so there was no way they did this live.
Ed said he thought he came in at the right time. Howard told him the line he's supposed to come in at. They tried to figure it all out and said that they were going to give Ed another shot.
Howard started the song over and had everyone join in on it. They all did a little better this time. Ed did everything wrong so Howard told him he was horrible and he was out. Ed said he tried. Howard said it's not his thing either but Ed was done. Howard said he wasn't going to give him a prize for that. Howard said he had to go. Artie said Ed is clearly just one of many people who suck at this.
Howard said he loves Ed but he's not good at roll call. Howard said maybe Mariann from Brooklyn can do it. He had her on the phone to give it a try. Mariann said she knows how to do it and she doesn't even want a prize.
Howard played the roll call thing again and started all over again. Mariann tried it but her phone connection didn't sound right and her mix was way off. Howard said they didn't hear her. Mariann said she was screaming it. Mariann said she did it the best she could. Howard said he couldn't hear her. He said the bed kind of knocked her out. Howard said maybe it was the yelling. Mariann wanted to try one more time and said that she loves him.
Howard wondered why her voice cut out. Artie said maybe they have to ask Scott about that. Howard said maybe he has to lower the bed audio but he shouldn't have to. Howard said Lisa was doing it really well. He said they have to stick with her.
Howard said he thought Mariann was yelling away from the phone. Mariann said she wasn't, she was right on it and shaking her booty in the kitchen. Howard started the song again and gave it one more try. They were getting better at this awful roll call thing. Mariann trailed off again as she was doing her thing. Mariann messed them up and Howard said that there's no way they did this live on Hot 97 with listeners. Howard said he was done with the bit. Mariann wanted to do it again but her voice kept cutting out. Howard said he tried to lower the music bed but it wasn't helping.
Howard tried roll call again. Mariann could be heard this time. She did much better this time. Howard and the guys pulled it off finally. Mariann said she knew she could do it. She thanked Howard for letting her do that and got off the line.
Howard said he's had it and he may not do it at 7:20. He said that they had a bunch of people on the line who wanted to do that though. He said that Lisa has to find that Shonda chick from Brownsville who was in the clip that they played yesterday.
Howard got a guy on the phone and told him to practice now and try it again at 7:20. Lisa said that Mariann was off beat too so that made it tough. She said they used to help the listeners out if they were off beat.
The caller asked if he could get a prize like Ed was going to get. Howard said no prizes. Howard said it's just about the fun.
Howard started roll call over again and tried it once again. Howard and the guys did their thing and when the caller came in he did okay on the first try but the second part where they ask him where he's from he screwed up. Howard said ''fuck you'' to the guy. He was just joking around with him though. Howard said they don't have any black people to sing with them, that's the problem. Howard said there was no second take on the Hot 97 thing. Howard said they do have King of All Blacks but he's whiter than he is.
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Howard said he hates crafts like what this guy said he made. He said he knows that's going to be in the trash. He joked around about how that was exactly what he was looking to hang in his apartment but then said he was going to throw it out.
The caller said that he would pay them to keep Eric the Midget off the air if he could. Howard said he had Eric on the line and said that he must be retarded. Howard said that he has figured it out because Eric called Gary up in the office yesterday and he was threatening him. He said Eric wants to sue Gary. He said he got an email from Robert Mills and another guy from the head of TNA Wrestling. Eric said he's not the head of TNA. Howard said it's obvious that they're letters from fans and they're not the real people.
Howard said Robert Mills would not write him a letter like that. Eric said it was from his email address. He said the email was real. Howard said he doesn't think that it's real but Eric thinks that they're not going to hire Eric because of what Gary said about him being an ingrate on the Wrap Up Show.
Gary said both of the letters have almost the same wording and someone wrote the same exact letter from two different companies. Gary told him he's a retard. Eric said he's not fuckin' retarded in any way, shape or form.
Howard said there's no way these letters are real. He also told Eric he can't sue Gary over having an opinion about him. Eric said it's as fucked up as saying that someone is gay when they're not. Gary said that's a lot different.
The guys tried to explain to Eric that having an opinion about Eric isn't something you can sue over. Gary asked Eric if he was being the character he plays on the air or is he being the little shit that he is. Eric said that he was being the character. Gary said he shouldn't be worried then. Gary told Eric not to waste his money on a lawyer. Eric said that Johnny is going to help him out with that.
Howard read the letter he got from Robert Mills. In the letter the person said that they can't hire Eric based on what they've heard Gary say about him. They were going to give him a shot at doing a voice of an elf on a show.
Howard read the other letter that Eric got and that one sounded almost exactly the same as the other one. Eric said they weren't the same letter and they were for real. Howard said that it's not this guy Jeremy Borash writing to him. Howard told him he's retarded. Eric said he is not retarded. Gary said he isn't retarded, he's of low mental capacity.
Howard asked what 8x12 was. Eric said that he just woke up a half hour ago. Howard told him to do it in his head. Eric came up with some math and figured 8x11 was 88 and 12 more would be 66. Howard said that was wrong. Eric said it was 96.
Gary told Eric not to sue him because he doesn't have a leg to stand on. Eric told him to shut up. Howard took a call from a guy who told him to try roll call with him. Howard said he can't try that.
Matt from the Superfan Trivia game said that he tried to get Eric as his friend on Myspace and he hasn't accepted him yet. Matt said he's a little twerp. Eric said he hasn't turned anyone down lately so he wasn't sure what he was talking about.
Howard asked Eric how many times he would have fucked his mattress if he did it 9 times a night for 7 nights in a row. Eric didn't like the way that one was done. Eric said that 9x7 is 49 so that's the answer. Howard asked if that was right. Eric said that was wrong. He said math was his strong point in school. Howard said maybe they should have kept him going.
Howard and Robin asked if he had the answer to 9x7 yet. Eric said it was 69. Howard said that was wrong again. Eric told them to wait. He figured it out and said that it was 61. He got it wrong again. Robin said that he wasn't doing well. Eric asked how he got that wrong. Eric said he just woke up a half hour a go. Robin asked when the math kicks in. Gary said that he was alert enough to dial the phone and wait on hold. He must be up by now. Eric said that's not that hard.
Howard said he didn't have all day for this. He said he has people coming in. Eric said he didn't know right now. Robin told him to give it another try. Eric was figuring it out and said that it was 66. The guys were all laughing at his answers. Howard said that 7x7 is 49, not 48. Eric kept saying it was 48. He came up with the answer of 63. They asked if that was his final answer. Gary said it took 7 minutes to get to that answer. Howard said that 7x7 is 49 so he got that wrong too.
Eric was using football to figure out his math. He said 7 touchdowns would be 48. Gary said that's wrong. Eric said he added 7 more points to 48 and came up with that answer.
Gary said they have a bit coming up soon and he'd love to fly Eric in to ''Win Sal's Money.'' Howard said Sal and Eric are probably on the same level so it would be an even test. Gary said Eric could win $5,000. Eric wanted to do it over the phone. Howard said they can't do it over the phone. He has to be in studio.
Howard said he knows that someone gave him the answers online for the math. Eric swears that they didn't. Howard asked Eric how he came up with 63. He said he was adding 7 more to 56 after adding 7 to 49. Eric kept saying that 7x7 was 48. He did all of the math for the guys and it was all wrong. Gary said that if Eric showed that math on a paper then you'd have to mark it wrong or give him a half a point.
Howard asked Eric who was president during the Civil War. Eric said it was Abraham Lincoln. Howard said he could probably do well against Sal.
Gary asked Eric if he says that he's not angry. Eric said he wasn't saying that. Fred kept playing an edited clip of Eric saying ''I'm fuckin' retarded.'' Eric told him to stop. Fred said he wasn't hitting any buttons.
Howard told Eric that this suing of Gary is just wrong and he shouldn't waste his money. Eric said that Johnny is helping out with that.
Gary said that Sal was out there in the hall being asked about the Civil War and he wants to ask him some more questions. Howard told Eric to play against Sal to see how he'd do in the Win Sal's Money.
Will came in and said that Sal thought Eric was wrong about the Lincoln answer. Will also said that Sal didn't know there were actually two Presidents during the Civil War. Sal said that he knows that there was two Generals during the war. He said there was General Custer and General George Washington. He said there was a video game called General Custer's Revenge on Atari so he knew about that one. He said he's not sure about General Washington.
Howard asked Sal what his final answer was. Gary said they were looking up this ''Custer's Revenge'' game that Sal was talking about. Gary said the game was actually banned because women were being raped by the soldiers in the game. Sal said that's why he had the game. He said that was the only one he played.
Howard asked Eric what the answer was for this question. Eric said Custer was part of the north army and he was killed after the war. Howard asked him who the presidents were. Eric said that he wasn't able to remember who it was. Howard said this was ridiculous. Sal said he's just not good at this. Howard said ''Really?''
Howard told Eric that he has to get his ass in there to play this game. Eric said that Washington wasn't the President because he was long gone by the time of the Civil War. Howard said maybe it was General Petraeus. Sal had no idea who that was. Howard said he should know it because it's in the paper every day.
Howard asked Sal some more questions and Sal had no idea what the answers were. Howard told Eric he could beat Sal no problem in this game. He said he has to get out there to play.
Howard tried to get Sal to answer who the president was but Sal was trying to figure it out and Artie said that it was actually exhausting hearing him try to figure it out.
Howard asked Sal some more history questions and Sal had everything wrong. They had him trying to figure out what the north and south were called. He said that the north were the Yankees and the south he wasn't sure about. He said maybe it was General Lee who the leader of the south. He said that was the Dukes of Hazard.
Howard said he had to end this. Gary came in and said he wanted just 2 more seconds. Gary told Howard about the game that Sal used to play. It was Custer's Revenge and it was all about having this General Custer go out and have sex with the Indian women in the game. The graphics were awful back then too so they looked like crap. Sal asked if he can study history prior to this game. Howard said of course he can. Sal thinks that he'll surprise them with his answers. Howard said he's sure he will. They had to go to break after that.
Howard said that Susan Boyle's album is the largest female debut album in history. He wondered who is actually buying it. Robin said it might be older people who are buying it. She said that she has seen older people doing that with other albums over the year. Howard said Susan Boyle sold 701,000 copies in the first week. He said Eminem only sold 608,000 copies in the debut week. Howard
Howard said he was watching that Adam Lambert on the American Music Awards and he thinks that he just panicked during the performance. Howard said he probably wanted to do something different and he ended up forcing a guy's head into his crotch. Then ABC canceled some appearances on some other shows on the network. Howard said you can't do that kind of thing and expect them to keep him on ABC.
Howard said it was 7:19 so they had to get to the roll call thing. He said Lisa could come in if she wanted to. He got a caller on the line who was from Raleigh. The guy said he had his stuff ready to go already. Howard said this was the last time they were doing this horrible bit. Howard started the roll call music and everyone did their part. The caller had a rap ready to go and he did okay with that. He didn't throw them off too much.
Howard said they were going to do that every day. He said he's pretty sure this will be the last they'll hear of it after today. Howard jokingly said that they shot up to number one in the ratings after that. Howard told Fred to turn off that music. He said it kind of worked out.
Howard said it was a very matter of fact interview and it wasn't sexual at all. He said that she was just talking about how she met her girlfriend and all of that. He said he just wants to know when they started eating each other.
Howard said he was listening to Bubba's show yesterday. He said Bubba was complaining about the way President Obama says ''Tal-ee-bahn'' and ''Pahk-ee-stan'' when he makes his speeches. Howard said that was an interesting observation.
Howard said he was watching the American Music Awards and they keep the camera so far from Janet Jackson that you can't see her at all. He said they do that because she lip syncs everything. Howard said J-Lo went up to perform at one point and she came out in a boxing outfit. They had Michael Buffer introducing her. She was walking on a human stair case and she ended up falling flat on her ass. He said it was the funniest thing he has ever seen. He said they cut that out of the California feed though. Howard said it was the greatest thing you've ever seen. She got right up and kept dancing.
Howard said J-Lo's husband Marc Anthony is a scary looking dude and he'd be afraid to mess with him. Artie said he looks like a movie villain. Howard said he does look that way. Howard said he looks like a vampire or something.
Howard said Fergie's ass was sticking out in that show too. He said he thinks Adam Lambert was trying to compete with that. He said Lady Gaga was almost totally nude in that show. He said she went and played piano almost naked and he liked it. He said he didn't like the song but he liked that she's so desperate to be famous that she'll wear those masks.
Howard said his daughter really wants to meet Eminem. He said that he's not even sure if that guy is doing shows. He said he'd like to get her to meet the guy. Howard said he was into some of his music himself and had some playing when he was shooting his publicity photo for SIRIUS.
Howard said he was watching the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame show and that was pretty cool. He said you have to record it and fast forward though it. He said that Stevie Wonder forgot the lyrics to one of his songs and he looked really embarrassed. Howard said he was with Sting and it sounded great. He said it was really cool.
Howard said David Crosby can still sing even after all of the drugs he did over the years. Howard said his voice is still dead on. Howard said Simon and Garfunkel are still great together too. Howard said those two are very these together though. He said that he's afraid that Garfunkel is going to screw up and be banned from playing with Paul Simon for 25 years.
Gary said he was at that concert. He told Howard that Simon and Garfunkel do appear that they want to fight each other. Howard said Paul is a really good guitar player too. Howard said he's only about half way through he show but Jackson Browne didn't seem to be all that great.
Howard said he wants to see Fergie in that show too. He said he's really into her. Gary said he used to think that she was stubby. Howard said he must have been out of his mind. He said if he had his way he'd have every woman dressing like her.
Howard said those shows were good but not the Meredith Baxter interview. He said it'll turn you off to lesbianism. Howard said they showed a picture of the woman Meredith is with and Meredith is obviously the woman in the relationship. Howard said the other woman is a general contractor and she's as close to a man as you can get. He talked about how good looking Meredith was years ago and how she's not holding up like that anymore.
Howard said he watched a clip of Richard painting Sal's penis and he thinks it's up on Howard TV now. He said it's disturbing and fascinating at the same time. Howard said ''This is Beetle'' episode 5 is going up today. Robin said that is fascinating too. Howard said every episode goes up in the ratings. He said he might be the biggest attraction there on Howard TV. Howard said they also have some more good stuff coming up on Howard TV like Private Dance which is a strip club visit with Ronnie and you get a virtual strip to watch in your house.
Howard said that if they had that kind of programming over in Pakistan and Afghanistan they wouldn't have all of this war. He said he's working on getting those shows over to those people.
Howard said you have to start early in life doing it. Howard told the guys what he used to do and how he had to get into his stance to start off if he was ever in a fight. He said a street fighting guy would just kick his ass immediately. Howard said none of these guys who do that stuff know what they're doing. He said that Steven Seagal thinks he knows how to defend himself but he's fooling himself. Howard said the guy isn't even a real cop and he thinks he's training guys how to shoot and protect themselves.
Sal said they used Howard in his commercial to promote the show. He said they quoted Howard as giving it two big thumbs up. Howard said they're smart for leaving out that he said the show is ridiculous.
Lisa said that Sal's father wants to come out with some new wine called ''Sal the Stockbroker's wine.'' He never asked Sal if he could use his name but Sal doesn't have a problem with it because if he did, he'd end up with an eye on the ground.
Lisa said she spoke to Kristin Chenoweth the other day and she loves Howard. Howard said she's hot too. Lisa said she just missed her at the studio the other day when she was interviewing her. Lisa said that she's only 4'11'' tall. Howard said that's almost a fidget but he thinks she's hot.
Howard told Lisa that she should have stopped him to say hi to that chick. He said he wants to meet hot chicks but no one ever stops him for that. They always stop him to meet dudes. Howard said he would love to meet Kristin. Lisa didn't think that would be a good idea to stop him. Howard said it would have been fine.
Howard said they had a picture of Tiger Woods' wife in the paper today. It was from before she had kids and she was hot back then. Robin said that she hasn't been keeping it together since having the kids.
Howard said Tiger looks like Baba Booey but Gary is cooler than Tiger. Howard said Tiger is a nerd like Erkle. He said that he loves that model looking chicks are fighting over him.
Howard said this guy must know he's going to get busted. He said that he has to know that when he's sleeping with cocktail waitresses. Robin said that he's been cheating all along and he's never stopped. Howard said that Tiger is saying that after marriage all of the sex stopped. Howard said that will do it. Robin said that it sounds like it's her fault. Howard said that's what Tiger seems to be claiming.
Howard said that chick was working the whole circuit and she landed the top dog. Robin read that Tiger is giving her 5 million for his transgressions and another 55 million for something else. Gary said Jason just read an article where they claim that she's demanding that they reopen the pre-nuptial agreement and renegotiate it. Howard said that would be nuts if he agrees to that.
Robin read that Tiger is asking the wife to stick around for another 2 years so that's where the 55 million comes from. Robin said that it sounds like he wants this to go away and then he'll get a divorce.
Howard said that Lisa looks like Alicia Layne who is Chris Booker's girlfriend. Howard said her boobs looked good and her hair was nice. She said her boobs were fake. She said her ass is real though.
Howard asked Lisa how she got involved with this masturbation device. She said she knew the company and said they came to her asking her to promote it. She said she believes in it. Howard said it appears to be shaped like a hot dog bun.
Howard asked how it works. Lisa said that you put your penis in it and watch the DVD and it works along with the DVD so it feels like what the guy is experiencing on screen. Lisa said it's like magic for the every day porn fan.
Howard said he'd give it a try. He said he'd put his penis in a real hot dog bun. She gave Howard one to give a try. She said that she got him one fir Christmas. She said you plug it into your computer and watch it on the computer. She said that the power comes from the computer so you don't have to plug it into the wall.
Howard asked Benjy if he would try it out. He said he would and he actually masturbated to her last night. He looked her up and another chick up so he could beat off to them.
Gary came in and said that Lisa Ann is the one who played Sarah Palin in the ''Nailin Palin'' movie. She said that she has also directed a movie and it's a 3 on 1 interracial scene. Lisa said that it was also a double penetration scene for her.
Gary said that she did an 8 man gang bang when she was in high school. She said it was her calling to do that kind of thing. She said that she lived on her own when she was very young. She said she stated stripping when she was 16. Lisa said she worked at a strip club and her parents didn't know. Lisa said that she used to do some Snapple stuff on Howard's TV show too. She said she was only 17 at the time. Lisa said she was a slut in high school and there was a lot of organization that had to go on to make the 8 man gang bang thing happen.
Howard asked if Lisa's parents protested her wanting to go out on her own. She said they really didn't. She said she gets to go out and do whatever she wants to now. Lisa said that she was like 16 going on 25 at that age. She said she had some problems with her parents at home when she was growing up. She said she was a bad kid. Lisa said she smoked weed, drank and did things like that. Lisa said she would change her clothes at the bus stop so her patens didn't see what she was wearing.
Howard asked Lisa if she was so bad she banged guys in the locker room. Lisa said she just wanted to make money. She said that she had a lot of friends and she thought it would be interesting to do a bunch of guys at the same time.
Howard asked Lisa about how she got the guys to come to her place and bang her. She said that she just told them that she wanted to bang her. She said that it was as simple as that. Lisa said she invited the guys over but didn't remember the details. She said that no one rejected her either. Howard said guys really are horny. Howard said he would have said no. He said he would be too weirded out to be with 7 other guys. He said he doesn't want to follow any guy or see another dick. Howard said doing her one on one is a different story. Lisa said she hears that all the time and she gets it.
Robin asked Artie if he's ever been in a room with guys who were doing other chicks. Artie said there was that one time when he ended up with a bit of a load on his chest. He said that was an accident though. He didn't know what was going to be going on there.
Howard asked Lisa about the gang bang and what happened afterward. She said that she didn't keep it secret and that's what she learned that she should have done. She said that her 20 year reunion is coming up next year and she may go to that. Howard said Lisa is the one who people are going to want to see.
Howard asked Lisa if she's dating anyone. She said she is seeing a guy but she's not going to stop doing what she does. She said that it can actually keep things fresh for the relationship. She said that it's a good way of keeping a guy from cheating if you do role playing and stuff. Lisa said that her boyfriend will talk dirty to her and ask her about the scenes she does. She said that she's in total heaven with that guy.
Howard asked Lisa if she does black guys. She said the only thing she won't do is bad mouth any race. She has no problem having sex with black guys. She said she had one guy by the name of Ice Cold who has about 13 inches when he's hard. She said she can handle that but some girls can't take it that big. Robin said that would be too big for her.
Howard gave Lisa some plugs for the Real Touch which can be found at RealTouch.com. Howard asked if he could satisfy her with his 3 inches. She said that she's sure he could. Lisa asked if he can talk dirty and pull her hair. Howard said he could do that. Lisa got in a plug for her web site TheLisaAnn.com.
Lisa showed the guys her boobs. Howard asked Artie if he wanted to touch her boobs. Artie went up and checked them out. Howard asked her to show her butt too. She did that as well. Benjy said her ass and her face are her best attributes. Howard said he likes the vagina fully shaved but she had a patch down there.
Howard asked Lisa to talk dirty to a guy on the phone. They had clips of Wood Yi to play for her. Lisa was freaked out as soon as she heard him saying he loved her. Lisa said he was super creepy and he had only said ''I love you'' at that point. Lisa knew it was a tape after a few more clips. Howard told Wood Yi to say something sexy to her. They had him say that he could lick a man's balls with a cock in his mouth. He said he also sucked a black cock and it was so big he puked all over his balls. Wood Yi asked her when he's going to get tired of sucking cock. Lisa said she's had the same question about herself.
Howard wrapped up with Lisa after that. She got in another plug for her web site TheLisaAnn.com and said that they're going to be at Rick's Cabaret tonight giving away some of the Real Touch devices. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Tim Sabean had camel toe. He also said he loves this song that Fred was playing. Howard sang along to that a little bit. He talked about that song and some other CSN songs.
Howard mentioned that Tim Sabean has lost weight from his diet and he has really thin legged jeans on so he's showing Mangina. He said he's going to go meet with Mel and have his cock showing. He got back to singing the song in the middle of that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he finds himself listening to SIRIUS Hits 1 when his daughter is with him. Howard said his kids aren't into that stuff. They're into classic rock and Annie DeFranco and stuff like that. Howard said they don't like that poppy stuff. Howard said his youngest seems to know about it but doesn't cop to it.
Howard took another call and that guy asked if Beth is getting another dog for Christmas. Howard said she wants a dog and a couple of cats. Howard said he's freaking out. Howard said it is a marriage and she has a life she wants and he loves animals but they just fixed up the apartment and the house is new so he didn't want to fuck it all up with cat hair. Howard said cats sometimes freak him out. He said he had a cat for years and he loved it but he doesn't feel like taking on more stuff. He said he doesn't want them on the bed and stuff. He said he's feeling overwhelmed right now and doesn't need more.
Howard said it was explained to him that when you're in a relationship the other person has rights too. He didn't know that. Howard said he doesn't want the cats but Beth does and he can't accept it. He said Beth is a person and she needs her cats though so she might get them. Howard said right now it's overwhelming so maybe in the future.
Howard said Beth is overwhelmed too because they're in the middle of a bunch of projects. Howard said he's trying to be a human being.
The caller asked what game show he was in a meeting about the other day. Howard said he can't say who they were but he met with them at his apartment. He said he was just talking in general about what kind of game show he'd like to do. He said he would like to be a judge like on American Idol or something like that. He said that then there's the kind of game show where he'd be like Howie Mandel or Regis Philbin. He said those people have to speak and he could do a better job than Alex Trebeck when it comes to that kind of hosting. Howard said Alex doesn't seem to have ever had a real conversation in his life.
Howard said there are the kind of game shows where people have an extreme personality. He said that it occurred to him that he'd be fantastic in any one of those roles. Howard said that he could do that kind of thing. The caller said that he could never share the stage with anyone. Robin said he does it all the time.
Howard said they were talking about a few things in that meeting and he just started talking about the game show thing. He said that there's some interest there and there are a couple of companies that want him to be a judge. Howard said judging would be easy for him. He said he has some talent and he'd be good on a show like America's Got Talent. He said he just needs an opinion and he can do that. Howard said they may be seeing him hosting something or judging on a show. You never know.
Howard said that John admitted that he had some drinks on a show he did in Australia. Howard said he likes that he admitted to that. John said that he was up late that night and he had a few drinks.
Howard said that John is no longer with the girl he brought to his wedding or the girl he brought to his house over the summer. John said he actually sees her once in a while. Howard said this girl, Nikki, was hot. He said he showed up with her and she was amazing. John said he's met some really nice girls and he's got to slow down. He said he's 46 years old and he really has to slow it down. He said he thought he'd be married and have kids by this point. Robin said ''Sure you did...''
Howard said that all of the women are going after him because they think he wants to settle down like that. John said that he's the problem. He said that it's all his fault and he needs to figure it out. John said he has gone to a psychiatrist a few times but he doesn't go regularly. Howard said if he really wanted to stop the partying then he'd go regularly. Howard asked John what's wrong with Nikki. John said there's nothing wrong with her. He said it's all him.
Howard said he had Denise Richards in on the show a while back. He said she came in and said wonderful things about John. She said that he was among the best of the guys she's had. Howard said he had the audio of her talking about that to play for John. John said he heard about it already. Howard played the clip for him anyway. In the clip Denise talked about how good he was to her and how much she still likes him.
Howard said that Denise also described the night that they went to a strip club. Denise talked about going with John and a bunch of other people. Denise talked about John getting her lap dances and stuff.
Howard said John knew her when she was just 19 years old. John said he has met many of these women before they were famous. He said he met Denise before she was in Starship Troopers. He said he was in an acting class when he met her. John said he doesn't remember how quick he got her into bed. He said he was on Full House then and he had no desire to settle down at that time. He said they met up again later on when they were both single and hooked up again.
John said that he remembers sneaking over to Denise's house in the back of a van while all of the Charlie Sheen stuff was going on. He had to sneak over because the paparazzi were all out in front of her place. John said that he thinks he snuck over in the back of a flower van. He said it was worth it. Howard asked about banging Denise and if they did it in her bed. John said that it probably wasn't even in the bed at the time.
Howard asked if the van waited for John to come back. John said they did wait and he was in there for quite a while so he's not sure how long they had to wait.
Howard asked John if he ever banged Heather Locklear. John paused and said he didn't but Howard didn't believe it. He said he has to be lying about not banging her. John swore on his mother's life that he didn't bang her.
Howard said John is living in New York City right now since he's doing ''Bye Bye Birdie'' on Broadway (ByeByeBirdieOnBroadway.com). He asked John if he's banged Gina Gershon, his co-star, yet. John said he hasn't. He asked Howard if he ever did her. Howard said he never did either. John said he has never banged someone he's worked with... while he's working with them.
John thanked Howard for coming to the premiere of the play. He said they're 95 percent sold out so they're doing really well. Howard said he could take over for John when he leaves. John said he really appreciated him coming to the premiere.
Howard wanted to play a song that Dan made for John but Scott the Engineer forgot to put it up. Howard said he has to figure that fucker. John said that new guy, Medicated Pete, was following him around back there too. Howard said he can't stand the sight of Scott and he's done with him. He said he's taken most of his work away from him and he still can't get it done. Howard said he should have been playing that song all morning instead of doing that roll call thing.
John sadi that he got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and it was so nice to have people there. He said it was great to have all of the people there to see it done.
Howard played the song that Scott forgot to put up earlier. It was ''Put on a Happy Face'' with lyrics about John and all of the chicks he's had over the years. The song was ''Sit on His Happy Face.''
Heather Graham's name came up in that song and John asid he never did her. He said he did work with her in a movie recently though.
Howard asked John when he finishes hsi run in this play. John said it's over in January. He said it's pretty draining though. Howard said he should do a comedy after this. John wnats to do something kind of gritty so he can show off his acting skills. Robin said he should do something like Nip/Tuck. John said they wrote that for him adn he passed on it. He said he was married at the time and he didn't like the script but now he'd do a show like that.
Howard asked John how he's feeling about his ex wife Rebecca. John said he hasn't seen her in about 5 years. He said he's happy that she's gotten what she wanted with the family and husband. John said that the last time he saw her was at a mediation meeting for the divorce. He said it worked out easy and they just went their separate ways. Howard asked if he would bang her again. John said she's married with kids now. He said they're different people now.
Howard said he wishes he could tell the stories that John tells him. He said he's got great stories. John said Howard has great stories too. John said he had a story about going to the emergency room. Howard said that story is boring but he went ahead and told it. Howard said that he was hanging out with Rob Zombie and John and Rob's eye got all swollen up all of a sudden. He said that Rob's wife freaked out when she saw it and Howard said he told Rob that he should go to the hospital. Howard said he wanted to care about someone for the first time ever. He said he was going to take him to the hospital and that's so not typical of him.
John said Rob asked him about the eye and he told him it looked pretty serious even though he didn't think it was. Howard said the story is dumb but he took Rob to the hospital and John asked to go along. John said Howard asked him to go. Howard said he didn't but John insisted he did.
Howard said they had pictures of all of this and the Howard TV guys were showing them. Howard said they all walked into the E.R. and Rob and John were joking around about the eye. Rob really didn't care and John was taking pictures and putting on surgical gloves. The woman behind the desk said she needed his name and he said ''Zombie, Rob Zombie.'' She looked at Howard and asked if that was his real name. Howard said that it's his legal name so that was the real thing. Howard said Rob's wife then said that her name was Moon Zombie. Howard said the poor woman didn't know what to do.
Howard said they got them in and the doctor saw these three guys and did a double take. John said he wanted to pretend he was a doctor so he put the gloves on and pretended to work on Rob's eye. Howard said he told the doctor that John wanted to consult with him. They had a good time doing all of that and Rob's eye was fine. He just needed some Benadryl.
Howard said that John would be great on this show if he just told the stories about banging chicks. John said he knows he 's not that great on the show because of that. He said he loves Tracy Morgan on the show. He also likes this Medicated Pete guy. Howard said that the midget chick from the Pete dating game wants to go out with Pete even though he didn't pick her.
John told Howard that Ashley Olsen loves Howard. He said she'd probably come on the show if they asked. Howard said he'd love to have sex with one of the Olsen twins. He said that's the one he's attracted to. He said the other one he's not so attracted to. John said that they are kind of different looking. He said that Mary Kate is kind of hippie looking these days.
Howard asked if the girls are good in bed. John said he wouldn't know. He said that would be weird if he did them.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she's going to see John in Bye Bye Birdie and she can't wait. She also liked him on the Thanksgiving Day Parade. John said he did the ''Put on a Happy Face'' in the parade. Mariann started singing that so Howard hung up on her.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how many women John has been with at once and how many in one day. Howard asked if he's ever had 5 at once. John said it's never been that many. John said he doesn't do that stuff anymore. Howard asked if he's ever had a threesome. He said ''Yeah!'' and maybe a foursome too. Howard asked why he was so embarrassed by this. John said that people hate him for talking about this stuff. Howard asked if he's ever had a twosome. John said he has.
John asked Artie about the girl he's with. Artie said he's still with her. John said that they kept showing her on that Letterman interview he did. Artie said they just showed her once.
Howard asked John how many women he's had in one day. John said that it's just one. He said those days are gone. John said that he was with Rebecca for 10 years and he had a couple of girlfriends before that. He said that he was going out with Chelsea Noble for a couple of years before she married Kirk Cameron. He said he went on a bit of a run after his divorce. He wasn't giving details though.
Howard asked John what else he wants to do after this play is over. He said he might go out and do some stuff with the Beach Boys. He said that a few of them are gone but there are still some original members around.
The caller asked if John would ask Robin out right now. John said he thinks that they'd have great sex and it would be great for the show. Robin said that John has said that to her off the air and she's not interested. Robin said that she doesn't like guys with big numbers. She said she's not sure what's on that thing. John said that it's clean.
Howard said John was with Paula Abdul when he first met him. John said that's weird isn't it? He said that she was great at the time and she was huge at the time. He said they were traveling the world together and things were just different back then. He said he was only like 24 or 25 at the time.
Howard asked John if he ever did a threesome with her. John said he actually passed out the first time they had sex. He said he wasn't inside of her or anything, he just passed out.
Howard asked John if he ever had Pam Anderson or anyone like that. John said he didn't and he never really hung out at the Playboy mansion or anything like that. Howard said John doesn't need to do that.
Howard took a call from Irish John who asked if he would ever date Beth if Howard and Beth broke up. John said he wouldn't do that because it would upset Howard. Irish asked if he ran into her at a bar and had the chance, would he do her. John said he's too loyal to Howard. He wouldn't bang her. Howard said he doesn't believe that for a second. Howard said he would bang Beth if he had the chance.
Howard said he wouldn't do that to John either though. He said he was left alone with Rebecca that one time. John said they were married at the time so of course he didn't. Howard said he wouldn't do it now either.
Howard said he read that John has the rights to do a Full House movie. John said that was part of his E.R. deal and he hasn't been able to figure out how to do it right so it hasn't happened. He said he'd probably have to re-cast the whole thing since no one really wants to do it. Howard gave John some more plugs and went to break a short time later.
After the break we heard a Jack and Rod Show bit with Sal and Richard interviewing an author about her book about malpractice with Riley Martin audio clips as their guest suffering from hearing loss. Fred also played Lady Gaga's ''Bad Romance'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and played the top 5 songs and said that the guy who does Fireflies was a janitor somewhere before he got this song out there. Fred said he wishes that he still was. That Lady Gaga song Fred played came in at number 2. Howard said that chick is weird. The number one song was Jay-Z and Alicia Keys.
Howard had Mike Walker on the phone to play his game too. Howard said he was wondering what's up with Dr. Phil who says he has 3 years to live. Mike said he thinks they're being generous. Mike said they take medical charts and figure in all kinds of factors to figure out when someone is going to die. That's how they came up with that. He said it's not a real thing. Howard said they say he has a deadly heart problem. Howard didn't get what Mike was saying. Mike said that with the factors they came up with they think that he has 3 years to live.
Robin said that Dr. Phil isn't that interesting and maybe he's calling this stuff in on his own. Howard asked if she's right about that. Mike said you never know. Howard said maybe he should do that and tell Mike he's dying of a brain tumor. Mike said that he'd love to do that but he can't if it's on the air like this. mike said Howard is gossip proof. Howard said there were rumors that Oprah was doing the same thing with the gossip rags.
Mike said that there are people who may occasionally call in with stuff like that. He said it does happen. Howard asked if his publicist sent over a picture of him in a hyperbaric chamber, would they print it. Mike said they sure would. Howard said he has to do that then. Howard said he will make something up and send it on to Mike. He said he'll make it all seem real for him too.
Howard asked Mike what he thinks about the Tiger Woods thing. Mike spent a short time talking about the stuff that's been coming out about that story. He said that the women are all jealous of each other because Tiger was cheating on them all. Howard said it's startling how it irritated these women. They're all jealous of the attention the others are getting. Howard said he believed the one woman who came out and denied ever even meeting Tiger. Howard said he always believes people and he's been wrong so many times.
Mike said that they're now saying that the first woman who came out is now upset that the other women are getting the attention.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard said they're going to change their spring break so Robin can go down there for a week. He said that Robin thinks she's going to see something down there that's going to change her. Howard said that he'll be on a vacation and no one will catch him in Guatemala. He said it's a horrible country and just imagine the monsters that are there. Robin said they'll never fix it if they don't expose what's going on down there.
Howard asked Robin what she's even going there for. Robin said she's working with a program that's helping to educate young girls and she wants to see how things are going. Howard said it's just not right to go down there. He said he liked it better when she was in the woods with her coven. Robin said she'll be fine. Howard asked if she wants him to pay the ransom if she's kidnapped. Robin said no. She said it'll be funny when they wonder why no one cares that much about her.
Robin said she's going to be there for 7 days. Howard said that's like being in hell for 7 days. Artie asked where she's going to be staying down there. Robin said she'll be carrying her gear on her back. Howard told her to just wait until they get a load of her. Howard said that she'll probably hear gunfire in the background as soon as she steps off the plane. He and Fred created what that might sound like. Fred played gunfire sound effects as Howard was speaking as Robin. He spent a few minutes doing that and making up the kind of stuff she might catch down there.
Howard asked if any of her GNO girls are going with her down there. Robin said that one or two may go with her. Howard said that's going to be something. He said that she'll be calling Dr. Roni to figure out what to take to get rid of the toadstools that are growing out of her nose.
Robin said she went to a French restaurant last night and they had no vegetables there. She said that everyone laughed at her but they saw that she was right about the French not having vegetables. Howard asked what she ate. She said she had a salad and French fries. Steve didn't believe that so he said he's going to go there and investigate.
Howard asked Robin what she's going to do in Guatemala when she can't get anything to eat. She said she's bringing her green drink. Howard told Robin that she won't end up going and she shouldn't change the vacation schedule until March because she may back out. Robin said she's not going to back out and she's looking forward to going.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Beth was on Letterman last night. Howard said she wasn't on. Howard said she hasn't been invited back since she started dating him. Howard said he knows why now. The caller said he thought it was her. Howard said Beth was out last night seeing a movie called ''The Lovely Bones.'' Robin heard it was a good book and the movie is supposed to be good too. Howard said he can't imagine it's a very up tempo movie.
Steve said Ronnie recently took in a Cher concert out in Vegas while he was out there. They have more about that on Howard 100 News today. Howard said Ronnie does love that Cher. He said that you could probably hear him yelling out ''Yeahhhhh!'' at the concert. Fred played some Cher music and some Ronnie yelling clips to create that scene.
Howard said that a lot of gay guys are into Cher. He said Beth went to a concert with some gay people and she got invited back stage with the group. Howard said Cher hates him and Beth figured that maybe she shouldn't go back stage. Howard said she didn't go.
Ronnie said that they change the set and Cher changes her clothes for every song. He talked about some of the stuff she was doing and how cool it was. Robin said that they have a lot of male impersonators who are so good that they fool people with those shows. Ronnie told her not to bust his fuckin' bubble and tell him that kind of shit. He said he hopes that a camel shits on her head in Guatemala.
Steve said that Comcast is buying NBC and Steve is predicting that they will end Jay Leno's show. They also have some news about the Roll Call thing they played and Dr. Dre is saying he won't comment to the news, he wants to speak to Howard directly.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the list of things they were going to be talking about today and ended up talking about John Stamos for a short time. They talked about the chicks that John has banged and how that party never stops. They talked about Robin turning John down and claiming that she did that because of the number of women he's been with.
Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone. Mutt gave them a preview of the stuff they were going to be talking about tonight at 7 on Howard 101. Mutt said that they're going to be talking about Win Sal's Money with Eric the Midget and Sal. He said they'll also be talking about Lisa G and the 7:20 roll call and her not signing autographs. He said they may do a 7:20pm roll call tonight. They're also going to talk about Ronnie and his ''What's Your Problem'' show idea and who would be complaining about that title. They'll also talk about the kind of gifts they'd give to Howard for Christmas.
Howard said he likes little leather goods, anal beads, and stuff like that. He said he's pretty easy to buy for. He said you don't have to get him anything too crazy. He used to collect skulls and stuff but Beth didn't like them so he had to get rid of that stuff.
Gary said that Howard is hard to buy for because he will throw stuff in the trash on the air. He said he's humiliated people on the air. Howard complained about the electronic picture frame that Scott gave him and said that it's white trash to put that in your house. Gary said he has one and so does most of the world.
Gary wrote something down for Howard and asked if he wanted that. Howard said he would like that. Gary didn't say what it was.
Richard said he jerked off into a picture frame for Howard. Howard told him to get that shit out of there. He told him that's disgusting. Howard said it's not healthy and he wants him to get rid of it. Richard said it's been there for like 5 years. Howard told him he's vile and told him to get out of there.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how Robin can be grossed out by John Stamos after she was with Jim Florentine who was with tons of girls and with Bob Levy in the room at the same time. Robin said she tried to block that from her mind.
The guys talked about the party and what that might be like. They mentioned that JD will probably do the usual and not speak to anyone other than the people he speaks to usually. Howard said JD has been out sick for two days and he's never out of work. They had to go to break after that.
After the break, around 10:30am, we heard a Baba Booey song parody and a prank call Sal and Richard made to a radio show about starting a business. Howard came back and had Robin get back to her news. Robin read some Tiger Woods updates. She had some news about some of the stuff that's been coming out about some other women who are linked to Tiger. Howard said they were some hot chicks too.
Robin read some news about Roman Polanski and how they're still working on extraditing him to the United States from Switzerland.
Robin read a story about Meredith Baxter coming out of the closet. Howard said it's no big deal and she's making it seem like it is. Howard said everyone is a lesbian now. Howard said the interview she did with Matt Lauer was boring.
Robin read a story about a priest who has come out and said that no gay people will get into heaven. She had some details about what he said and what the Vatican had to say about that.
Robin read about how Comcast and NBC are going to be merging. Howard said it sounds like a good deal to him. Robin read that they're going to be pretty powerful owning NBC now. Robin said that they'll have to see what happens to the programming over there at NBC. Howard did a quick Leno impression when she mentioned that. Howard said he thinks that Stuttering John should buy a lawn mower. That led to Fred doing his John impression and asking if Mr. Stamos wanted his yard mulched.
Robin read about how Obama's star power may be declining. He was down by about 10 million viewers compared to the last speech he made according to what Robin was reading.
Robin read about the party crashers from the White House and how they're passing on a meeting with Homeland Security. Howard said no one has asked for the tapes of how they got into that party either. He said you'd think the Secret Service would want to take a look at that. Howard said hot chicks can get past security anytime. He said that's how they got in.
Robin read a story about Beyonce and Taylor Swift being up for Grammy awards. Robin had the details of some of the nominations that the two of them got. Taylor is up for 8 and Beyonce is up for 10.
Robin read some news about John Gotti Jr. and how he may not be tried again after getting off on a mistrial. Robin said that they think the jury pool may have been tainted too much.
Robin said the Jackson 5 are going to be doing a show soon. Artie said there's one missing isn't there? Robin had some audio of Jackie Jackson talking about how their family is no different than any other family. Robin said she thinks that was actually Tito saying that. Howard said he's pretty sure it was Jackie. Robin had some audio of Tito talking about his father and how he was no different than any other father.
Robin had a story about how obesity in this country is on the rise. She said that it's getting worse and worse and she had some audio of a woman talking about that. Howard said that sounds like Dr. Roni. Howard said he loved it when Roni was living in their studio when she was working with Robin.
Robin had a story about organ donors and how they're telling anyone of any age to donate because you don't know what's going to happen in the future. Howard said he'll never donate no matter what. Howard said ''Good news, we have a liver from you from Artie Lange.'' Artie added ''...and a spine from Christopher Reeve.'' Howard ended the show a short time later, right around 11:05am.
Jon said that Stamos has said that he'd like to bang Robin and she says she won't do it because of the number of women that he's been with. Gary said that someone brought up the Jim Florentine thing and how he's banged a ton of girls. Gary said one of the stories that got Jim on the show was one about banging a girl in a bathroom at a comedy club and banging his head on the wall of the stall. He said that's the kind of stuff Jim was up to.
Gary said that he'd be intimidated if someone like Carmen Electra wanted to bang him. He said it wouldn't slow him down for a second but he would be intimidated.
Jon said that Stamos is a really nice guy and he seems like a regular guy. Gary said that he always thinks he's boring too but he's not. He said he's very down to earth too.
Jon asked about John talking about how much Ashley Olsen is into Howard and how Howard said he likes Ashley but not Mary Kate. Gary said he still can't tell the two of them apart. He said he sat in a room across from them a few years ago and he still can't tell them apart.
Jon said that John is very protective of the girls even to this day. Gary said that the whole crew from Full House seems to stay a family.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that Robin isn't banging Stamos because he'd tell Howard. Jon said that's an interesting issue. Jon asked Gary if he thinks he would tell Howard. Gary said no one would tell at first but one would crack. He said he's not sure how that would go down though. He said Robin might be the one who would crack first.
Jon asked Benjy if he thinks that Robin was being honest about why she won't be with John. Benjy said he thinks she was being honest. Gary asked what happened to the young guy that Robin was into. No one knew the answer to that.
Another caller asked if they think John has Wilt Chamberlain numbers. Gary said he doesn't think so but he's probably got maybe something close. He said if he has 120 chicks a year and he's 46 years old then maybe he has those kind of numbers. Gary said you have to put into account that he's had some long term relationships.
The caller said that John kind of answered his question about how many women he's been with in one day but he wanted to know if he was squirming. Gary said he didn't see him on the monitor but the guy is a good guy and he might not tell a story about how many women he's had. Benjy said he's sure he's had sex with more than one in one day but he's not sure how many. Gary said he wouldn't be surprised if it was 3 or 4.
Jon and Gary said that John seemed worn out when he came in. gay said he's really worn out from doing Bye Bye Birdie. They have to do two shows on Wednesdays and he does shows 6 days a week. Jon said that Howard asked him what his next carer move is and wondered if he'll end up on TV. Gary said he thinks that he will be back on TV and he didn't know that he had turned down the Nip/Tuck show until today.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks Robin should hook up with Stamos because he's good in bed. He knocked all of the sense out of Paula Abdul.
Gary said some days Howard just lets it roll off his back but today he got pissed off. Scott came in and said he just forgot. He had to make some changes to the roll call thing and he just forgot about the song. Scott said he knew it was there and he was going to do it but he just missed that one.
Jon asked if he was caught up in the roll call and getting that worked out. Scott said it turned out really well and he was impressed with that.
Gary said that Howard had the roll call thing to play and Fred was busy getting the show started when Scott came in and told Howard how to do the whole roll call thing. Gary said Jon came out of the studio and said that it was the whitest thing he had ever seen with the two of them trying to get it worked out.
Jon said it seemed that they needed Lisa G there to keep them on beat. Gary said that Lisa slipped right back into old times when they did that. Scott said they had three different pieces in there and Lisa didn't really know how it worked. He said that the singing in the middle wasn't live. Benjy said Lisa said it wasn't so she wasn't claiming it was completely live.
Jon played some of the show when Howard was doing his roll call rap. After playing the clip Jon said it sounded like Robin was directing there. She was also saying that Howard's rapping wasn't clicking. Gary said they hadn't rehearsed that much so it wasn't surprising. Jon said that there was a lot going on there too. Gary said he thought that the caller seemed very mixed in so he's not sure it was really live. He said he's not buying it. Benjy said if it's something they did every day then it could have been real. Gary said that they had the mix perfect though and he doesn't believe the phone thing would work that well.
Jon asked Scott who had the best rhythm in the room. Scott said that Fred was the best. He said that Benjy may have had the worst.
Jon asked if Scott is off the party list now. Scott said that he's back on after going in and apologizing to Howard for not having that bit ready for him. He said he usually doesn't need to be reminded about that stuff.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he had to turn off his radio a bunch of times when they were doing the roll call thing. He said he had to turn it off every time he heard it.
Gary said Lisa was really into doing the whole thing. He said she was very proud of that. Scott said that there were no stations even close to them when they were getting huge ratings in the 90s like Lisa was making it seem. Gary said that she said that they were huge with ''their demo.'' Jon had to go to break after that.
Ralph said that you shouldn't get married in your 20s. He said that you should wait until your 30s. Jon said he got married in his 20s. Ralph said there's still time for his to fall apart. Jon thanked him for that and let him go.
Jon moved on to talk about Lisa Ann. Will said she was hot and she's 37 years old. He said her boobs were a little weird but other than that she was hot. He said she's kind of a MILF or Cougar type.
Benjy had been in the green room with the Real Touch and Howard TV shot that. He came out and John Stamos went to shake his hand. He had to tell him that his finger was in that thing. Benjy said that jerking off isn't that bad and the Real Touch felt pretty good on his finger. He said it was kind of wet inside. He said his finger slipped into the wrong place at one point so he'd be careful of that if you get one of those things.
Gary said that everyone pleasures themselves, other than Jon Hein, and wondered if it's creepy to own that device. Benjy said that it might be if you leave it on your grandparents shelf or something. Will said it had a nice bag to carry it in.
Gary talked about Lisa talking about her 8 guy gang bang and how she didn't think about what the consequences would be later in life.
The guys talked about Lisa catching on to the Wood Yi clips and saying that it was creepy. She also knew it was a tape. Benjy said that Lisa did some things where she would say that her own questions were great. It was kind of a Steven Seagal way of asking a question according to Will.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it sounded like Howard was pandering for gifts by giving suggestions. Gary said that he was just saying he's easy to buy for. Gary doesn't believe he is. Benjy wrote something down for Gary and asked if that's what he wrote down for Howard. Gary said that was it but he already bought it for Howard. Benjy said he already got it too. Jon gave the caller a Sonos system as a prize for calling in.
Jon asked what's going on with the Secret Santa thing there. Gary said it's a huge mess already. He said about half of the people don't want to be involved in it this year. He said that some people have opted out and they picked the names today and people were asking if they could switch names so it's a mess. Gary said that he doesn't think people should be allowed to switch names because then it's not a secret Santa.
Gary revealed that he got Will in the Secret Santa thing but he buys something for him every year and this year will be something really nice. Will seemed to like hearing that.
Gary also talked about that game Sal was talking about called ''Custer's Revenge.'' Gary said that he looked it up on the web and it had the most basic graphics it could but you were supposed to run around fucking Indians with an erect penis.
A caller said that Eric the Midget's math was completely ridiculous this morning. He wondered how he worked that stuff out on the air. Benjy asked him what 75-18 was. The caller got it wrong so Jon put him on hold for the Win Sal's Money contest.
Jon asked Gary about Tim Sabean's camel toe this morning. Gary said that Tim likes to lay back in a chair he has in his office and it was so in people's faces this morning. Gary said that he looks good except in the front of his tight pants. They had to end the show a short time later.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:55am.