|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
-- Wednesday March 4, 1998 --
-- Thursday, April 1, 2004 --
Howard started off the show talking about listening to Underdog Lady on Howard 101 last night. He said that he was watching her YouTube videos and they got her to do a show there on Howard 101 after asking Tim to set that up. Robin didn't know they were actually doing something about that. She said she would have called in if she had known that.
Artie said that's amazing that they got her to come in and do that. Howard said he wanted to see the reaction of the people over at SternFanNetwork and that was a mistake because people were complaining about it before it even aired. He said their fans are very tough. Howard said he listened to the entire hour and couldn't turn it off.
Howard said that Underdog Lady is obsessed with Martin Luther King day and with a black President going into office. Howard said she spent almost the entire show talking about that. Robin asked if she was on as Underdog or just Suzanne. Howard said that she only gave out her first name and didn't mention the Underdog thing at all.
Howard said that Suzanne would hit the delay if there was any negativity toward her on the phones. Howard said he thinks that's what was going on but it didn't happen often. Howard said that most of the fans knew not to mess with her. He thinks that Mutt had put something up over at SFN to let the fans know not to mess with her on the phones too much.
Howard said that the other observation he had about the show was about the callers. He said that Suzanne would ask the fans how they knew of her when they'd call in from California. The callers would say that they found out about her on the internet and TV. Suzanne also wasn't mentioning his name and would only say the names of the channels.
Robin said that maybe she'll think that she's a bigger star and have all kinds of problems. Artie asked if she was saying that she's going to go nuts. Howard said that she was kind of rallying the fans to get together and get her to perform at the Inaugural Ball. The fans played along with that and had some fun with her. He said that the show really was fun.
Howard had some clips of the show that he was going to play. He played the open to the show first. He said he hopes that they can have more of that show. He's not sure if Tim can work that out. In the clip Suzanne was talking about her life in the monotone that she speaks in. Artie was laughing his ass off within seconds.
Howard said that Suzanne was talking about her life dancing and how she didn't like Ballet because it was too restrictive for her. He said that she's more of an improv dancer now. He said that ''freestyle'' is more accurate.
Howard played more of her talking about the things she's done in her life. She talked about being on Jimmy Kimmel Live and then brought up the Martin Luther King day. Suzanne was talking about when his birthday was and some other boring stuff. Howard said that you really had to hang with it in the beginning. Robin was fascinated but Howard was going to cut that clip off.
Howard had another clip where Suzanne got upset about not being in the inauguration parade. Suzanne took a call from a guy who asked her if she's going to be at the inauguration. Suzanne said that she wasn't contacted to be in that parade and she's upset about that. Suzanne said that most of her time performing is in parades in the Northeast Corridor. Artie was laughing as he heard the clip.
Howard said that Obama's first big gaffe was not inviting Suzanne to the parade. Howard said that it is kind of a faux paux.
Howard said they have an interesting set up over in England. The Royal family over there does all of the socializing while the Prime Minister runs the country. Over here we have the President doing both. Howard said that's why the guy is going to be worn out doing this job.
Howard said he saw Obama doing some speeches and each person would get so insulted if he wouldn't shake their hand. He talked about some of the nonsense that Bush did at his inauguration and how no one cared. Obama is putting together a huge event with all kinds of bands and performers that people want to see.
Howard said that Oprah was at dinner with Obama the other night and he wonders where the down time is for this poor guy. Artie said that there are going to be celebrities who are going to feel slighted for not getting a dinner with the guy. Howard said that he'd never have any down time if he had dinner with all of them.
Artie said that he was reading a lot over the weekend and they're saying that the economy is even worse than people think and Obama is going to have a hell of a job ahead of him.
Howard said he was reading about this guy who was upset about the way he used to ''bash'' Obama and backed Hillary. Howard said that everyone is on this Obama bandwagon when they don't have any idea how he's going to be as President. Howard said that he has said that he hopes this guy can be a great president. He said he was a fan of Hillary's and thought she'd make for a great President. Howard said that this guy who wrote the article didn't make this guy President any more than he did.
Howard said that he had a guy tell him that he heard about Obama for the first time on his show. Howard had a clip from 2004 where Roger Ebert was on the show and mentioned Barack Obama's name for the first time on the show. Howard played the clip and Ebert said that he thinks that Obama is going to be very important to the future of this country.
Howard said that Robin is a wine expert so he asked her to pick something out for them to drink. She picked something out and it was great. Howard said the waiter came over to him and asked if they wanted to continue with it. The guy handed everyone an envelope and it was the label from the bottle of wine and they never do that there at Danielle. Howard said he wondered why they were doing that. Howard said Gary was looking over his shoulder when he got the bill and Robin had ordered a bottle of wine that was insane.
Robin said there were bottles there that were $1,200 and she didn't order that. Howard said that he got the bill and it took his breath away. He said that he gasped when he saw the bill. Gary was there and said that he really did gasp. He said that Beth had even commented on it.
Howard said that each bottle of wine was $800. Robin said it was 700. Howard said ''No'' it was 800. Howard said that they give everyone wine at the table even if you don't drink it. Benjy didn't drink his and they kept it coming to him even though he wasn't drinking it.
Howard said that he's never ordered a bottle of wine that expensive. Robin said that it was just one night. Howard said the wine bill alone was over $2,400. Robin said that she wasn't the one who kept it coming to the table. Howard said he learned his lesson with her. He knows now not to trust her choice. Howard said that the waiter asked if he wanted to continue the wine order and he figured it was okay because Robin was probably looking out for him. Robin said that she told him to check with Howard so it wasn't her fault. Artie said that maybe the waiter should have told him how much it was.
Fred said that he's flabbergasted at this. He said he's never had a bottle that expensive. He said that he did have a scotch there and it was more expensive than it is at most places. Robin said that she would pay for the wine if he's going to complain about it.
Gary said that Howard didn't know how much the wine was and maybe he should have warned him about that. Robin said that Howard should have known what he was ordering because he was the one who was going to be paying the bill. Howard thought she was going to pick something reasonable. He said that she should have warned him about it. Robin said that she didn't want to yell it across the table, she wasn't near him.
Robin said that she's not going to let Howard pay for dinner ever again because of this. She said that when she takes him out she never even thinks about what it's going to cost. Howard said that she is very generous when they go out. He said that when you go out for a dinner like that you should watch how much you're spending.
Robin said that it was very rude to bring this up on the air. Artie said that Robin might be catching some shit there that's unnecessary but he thinks that she could have said something to him about it to warn him about how much it cost. Robin said that she did try to warn Howard about it by sending the waiter over to him.
Howard said that he told Beth to set them up for an early dinner because everyone is used to getting up early. He said they set it up for 7 o'clock. He said that they all got there within 5 minutes of that time, except for Benjy. Howard said that Benjy knows that he's not looking for him to be there to begin with but then he shows up late. Howard said that Benjy is there but he should be in the Sal and Richard category, not the studio crew category. Howard said that they were all starting to drink and Benjy still wasn't there. Benjy ended up showing up a half hour late.
Howard said that he was getting annoyed and everyone knew it. Howard said he wanted to order instead of waiting any longer. Howard said he even asked Robin what Benjy could possibly be doing in that time. Robin said that he could have been impressive and showed up on time. Howard said he may have a mental problem, he doesn't know.
Howard said Benjy showed up sweating profusely and sat down next to Beth. Howard said Robin was supposed to sit there but Benjy ended up getting the seat. Artie said that if Robin had sat there, she could have shown Robin the wine list and warned him about the price. So that was Benjy's fault too.
Gary said that Benjy claimed that he miscalculated the time it would take him to get ready and get there so that's why he was late.
Howard said that Benjy is so fat. Benjy said he weighs about 235 pounds. Howard said that he didn't order an appetizer because he wasn't hungry. Howard said that he should just order something because he knows that he's not on a diet. He said that he told him to just get something. He got some Tuna Tartar and barely touched it. Then he ordered some bass or something like that. Meanwhile, the last time he took him to Nobu he didn't eat any fish at all. Howard said that this place will serve you anything but Benjy is eating fish. Benjy said he had salmon at Nobu.
Howard said that they started eating dinner and Benjy's whole plate was still there. Benjy said that he loves fish and didn't let the waiter clear his plate. Gary said that Howard likes to move things along so he clapped his hands and said that they should order desert. Gary said that Howard is dying to move things along but Benjy was dragging it out with his meal.
Benjy said that he doesn't really give a fuck. Howard said that he has to read the signals and get a hint that they wanted to move things along. Howard said they had to wait another 10 minutes for him to finish. Howard said he sat there and didn't eat it. Howard said Gary was going insane too and he wasn't the only one.
Benjy said that they should all relax and just enjoy the dinner. Gary told him that if that's his attitude then he shouldn't come. He said that it was Howard's dinner and they should go along with whatever he wants to do. Howard said that Benjy doesn't care about anyone and he doesn't pick up on what's going on at the table. Howard said that it was time to move the evening along and the waiter was looking at him to see if he should clear the table. Benjy said that he was still enjoying the dinner.
Gary told Benjy that they wanted to move along and they were being polite waiting for him to finish. Howard said that there is etiquette there at a restaurant like that and they wouldn't even take the order until Benjy was finished. Howard said that they had a nice time and he enjoyed his company but that whole thing drove him nuts.
Howard said that Benjy was telling them stories about his sex life and he's getting into some dangerous stuff. He said he told a story about a guy having him come to his hotel room to fuck some girls in front of him. Artie asked if he actually did that. Benjy said that he did. The girls looked like models to him. Benjy said that was a long time ago and he's dating regular chicks right now. Benjy said that the guy is famous and he would reveal who he is but he's not sure if he wants him to do that. He said the guy didn't know who he was or anything and it was a total coincidence. Gary told him not to reveal who it was. Benjy said he wouldn't reveal him because the guy scares him.
Howard told Benjy to show up on time and read the signals at the table so he can keep up. Robin said that he should watch what everyone else is doing and not do things on his own. Gary said that Benjy should have noticed that everyone's plate was empty while his was full. Benjy said that they were all pigs and he wasn't rushing through his meal.
Benjy said that he didn't know that what he was doing was so wrong. He didn't know that they weren't going to take desert orders while he was eating. Howard told him that it wasn't Denny's, it was Danielle. There's a big difference.
Robin was asking about this guy that Benjy was talking about in the sex thing but Howard told her not to bother with that. He said the guy isn't really that famous, it's just the position he's in that people would recognize.
Artie asked Benjy if he came to the city wanting to get into that underground ''having sex'' kind of guy. Benjy said that he does like the underground stuff.
Robin was still on her wine thing and saying that she doesn't want to go to dinner with Howard anymore. Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard should just pick up the check and not bring this nonsense up on the air. Howard told the guy that this is a radio show and he's bringing up stuff that happens in his life. Howard said he is also teaching about etiquette and things like that. The guy thought that was bullshit.
The caller asked Robin about this vegan lifestyle she has and asked her why she continues to consume alcohol. Robin said that she doesn't drink it that often. Howard said that she's detoxing and taking enemas and stuff. Robin said that was her farewell to food that night because she was on her way to get detoxed. She also said that her nutritionist said that a little wine is fine for her too. Howard said that a little cream should be fine for her too. Robin said that's not okay.
Robin said that she's not an over indulger in anything. She said that she would like her vice to be wine and not cream. The caller said that he thinks that Robin can't let go of ordering $800 bottles of wine. Howard said that it was nice that they gave him the wine labels. Howard said that he forgot to take them with him. Howard said he didn't remember the name of the wine. Robin said it was a Dujoque or something like that.
Artie asked Howard if he would just harbor resentment toward Robin if she did this and he didn't have the radio show to get it out on. Howard said that he's really not that upset about it and of course he wouldn't hold it against her. He said that she's very generous with him and that wouldn't have bothered him.
Fred was wondering about Benjy having sex and how he manages to get as much as he does. Fred said that Artie seems more normal to him. Howard said that Benjy has gone to rooms where a guy wants to watch him having sex with girls and that's just dangerous. Robin said that you don't know what's going on with these girls or if they're going to accuse him of raping them or anything.
The caller was saying that he could catch diseases and stuff too. Benjy said that he doesn't have anything and they can look at his cock if they want. Benjy said that he's dating regular chicks now in a regular way. Howard asked Benjy if he knew that it was as dangerous as they think it is. Benjy said that it's dangerous any time you get laid.
Howard said that getting laid is his main focus in his life and he gets that part but it can be very dangerous to do what he did. Robin told him to watch ''Looking for Mr. Goodbar'' to know how dangerous it can be. Howard said that maybe he should get a high priced hooker or something. Benjy said that he doesn't feel he earned it then.
Artie said that they flew out to Vegas one time and he and Benjy were on this private jet. Artie said he was talking to this hot blonde and Benjy asked him if he ever thinks about fucking that chick in like 5 seconds. He said that Benjy was getting way too into the question and he was wondering what he wanted to do. Howard said he was done with Benjy after that.
Robin said that she was going to talk about what a wonderful evening it was but now she's not so sure. She said she thought she had a good time but now she realizes that she didn't. Fred said that's the most expensive booze he's ever had and he's never even had anything half that cost. Robin said that was one thing and the stuff she gave to Howard was wholesale. Howard said that Gary was going off on her about that on the Wrap Up Show.
Dominic Barbara called in and went off on Benjy for telling the stories about these women and he's not sure if he's serious or not. Benjy said that he would verify it if they wanted him to. He said that he can get it verified. He said that there's a famous woman that he did but he didn't want to go anywhere with that one.
Dominic was talking about Benjy and Ivy Supersonic but Benjy called him out on what he was saying and Howard just wanted to end the Benjy discussions so he cut both of them off and let Dominic go.
Howard said that the wine they had the other night was very good. Howard said that he's not sure that he could tell the difference between that and something less expensive. Robin said that she's not that good either.
Howard played some clips from the Wrap Up Show where Gary was going off on Robin about the way things happened on the air with her gift of wine to Howard.
In the clip Gary was talking to Jon about the gift he gave to Howard. It was a bottle of wine and he gave it to him on his birthday. Robin had nothing for him that day, she just announced she had something coming to him. Then a few days later Ronnie came in with the gift of two big boxes of wine. She presented them to him on the air and insisted that he open it on the air. Gary said he didn't get what the big show was with the gift on the air. There was a note inside saying that it was hand picked by Robin, which it wasn't, and it was a lot of fanfare about nothing.
Howard told Robin that she should go to a new drink. Robin said that she just wanted Howard to open the wine and read the note. She said it wasn't that big of a deal. Gary said that he could have asked Howard to do that too but he didn't think it would have been good for the air.
Robin said that she had picked that wine out a while ago no matter what they think. Howard said ''right'' and seemed to be just agreeing to get off the subject.
Howard asked Robin about her trip to Miami and asked if she had a colonic down there. Robin said that she didn't get a colonic but she did go to this spa that was one of the wildest she's been to. She said that she was getting steamed and going to different baths and stuff. She said that she went down there with her friends Dr. Ronnie and James.
Howard asked if there was a woman or a man who rubbed her down out there. Robin said that it was a man who came in and massaged her. She said that he may have been Hispanic. She said that the guy was a model, actor and martial arts guy who became a masseuse. Robin said that she has never had a massage like that in her life. She said that he uses his entire body in the massage. Robin said that he may have recognized her. She said that he was manipulating her ass with his feet and there were times when she felt the stubble on his face on her.
Artie sounded shocked by what he was hearing. Robin said that she thought that if she didn't have her suit on then they would have been having sex. Howard said that if he told Beth that he had something like that done, it would be cheating. Robin said that he's married and he can't do that. Howard said that's insane.
Howard said that the guy can't be doing that with every girl. Robin said that Dr. Roni had the same thing. She said that they also did mud baths on the beach. She said that you put mud on you, while you're naked, on the beach. She said that you put the mud on you and go out on the beach and lay down. She said that she was behind a wall and no one saw her naked. She said she didn't have mud on her vagina when Howard asked about that.
Howard asked if the masseuse rubbed her boobs. Robin said he went between them. She said that she was so flabbergasted by it that she didn't know what was going on.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked when Beth is going to be on that Mike and Juliet show. Howard said she's co-hosting on Thursday and Friday. The caller said he's going to be jerking off to that when he sees it. Howard said the show has apparently been canceled but they're on the air for a few more months. Howard said he doesn't get that.
Howard said that he likes when Beth gets all dressed up like she does. He was talking about some of the hot chicks on FOX news and stuff and Beth was asking him about who he'd like her to be with and she's not into anyone he brings up. She likes that one girl on ''The L Word'' but that's about it. Howard said he had to go to break after that.
Howard came back a short time later and said he had to get back to Underdog Lady. He said he also had Daniel Carver on the phone and Sanjaya coming in. Howard said that Sanjaya wrote a book.
Howard got Daniel Carver on the phone and asked him if white people have failed to ''wake up'' like he's been telling them for years. Daniel said that the only reason Obama got elected was because of the color of his skin. He said that it's a sad day for this country and it puts them at risk.
Daniel said that if something happens to this guy there are going to be riots all over the country. Robin tried to say something but Daniel told her to shut up and called her the N-word. Daniel said that if something happens to this guy there is going to be war.
Daniel said that they're having this ''Iniggeration'' for Obama today. Artie told him that was a nice one and asked if he came up with that. Howard figured he didn't come up with that. Daniel said that he could have come up with that on his own.
Howard said he sees hope with this Obama guy and he's ready for change. Daniel said that change ain't good and the cities with black mayors just get worse. Daniel said he hopes that Obama does a good job but he was only elected because of the color of his skin and he's not going to do a good job.
Howard said he knows it's a tough day for Daniel. Daniel said that he's safe up in the mountains of Georgia, it's the rest of the people who live in big cities that have to worry about it. He said that's where the riots are going to be.
Artie asked Daniel if his wife sees any of the white dolls she collects moving toward the black ones. Daniel said that dolls don't move and asked Artie if he's retarded.
Daniel was saying that he hopes that they can keep this Obama safe while he's in office so there won't be riots. Howard asked what color he thinks a person might be who would want harm to come of this guy. Daniel said he hopes it's a black guy.
Howard asked Daniel if he sees a cute kid when he sees Obama's kids. Daniel said he sees a kid who is going to grow up to be a savage. Howard said he just sees a cute kid. Daniel said that they're all savages.
Howard asked Daniel about going to Las Vegas and gambling out there. Daniel said that he plays blackjack and stuff like that when he's out there. He said he went to go see George Wallace but they canceled his show because he was in Washington for the ''iniggeration'' this week. He laughed at his own joke after saying that.
Howard thanked Daniel for calling in and giving them his thoughts on all of this. He said that he hopes that Daniel is wrong and they're right about what's going to happen. Daniel said that they're wrong. Daniel said that he will survive up in the mountains and they won't down there in the big city. Daniel said ''Wake up white people'' before Howard let him go.
After that Howard played a prank call that Sal and Richard made to Out Q using Daniel Carver audio clips. They had him saying that he hopes they all die of AIDS and they hung right up on him. They were shocked by what they had just heard and the female host was saying that he can't even think things like that. Howard said he would have kept the guy on the line instead of hanging up on him. He said that they should have set him straight instead.
Howard said that when Sanjaya was on American Idol people were goofing on him because he couldn't really sing. He did pass the audition though. He had something there and he had some ability to sing. Howard said that somewhere along the line the judges turned on him. He said he must have been in great pain after that.
Sanjaya said that it was a little painful and he was just trying to do his craft and he got beat down for it. Howard said that he had a good attitude about it all. He said that he would have punched Simon if he got treated the way he did.
Howard said that he read that they give people counselors when they get booted off the show. Howard said that some kids might hurt themselves and that's why they do that. Howard asked Sanjaya if he wondered what he was going to do when he got kicked off. Sanjaya said that he was fine with it and it didn't bother him.
Howard asked if they pay him well. Sanjaya said that he gets paid for each show he does. He said that he never really had a job before this so his whole money thing is kind of warped. He said that he was able to go to New Zealand and buy his sister a car and stuff. He said that then he realized that he needed to find another job to keep making money. Sanjaya said that he banked some of his money.
Howard asked Sanjaya if he was advised not to spend it all and maybe have a parent come to him. Sanjaya said that he did but he didn't listen to them. He said he turned 18 at the end of the tour. Howard asked if his mother went to jail for putting him on American Idol. He said that wasn't what it was. He said that she was growing marijuana for medical use and that got blown out of proportion. He said that it's a grey area there.
Howard asked Sanjaya about his parents and sister. Howard said that he finds his sister attractive. Sanjaya said that she was going to call in but he's not sure if she's going to do that. He said that she's got a boyfriend and she's living in Seattle right now. Howard asked if she's sexually active. Sanjaya said he assumes that she is. He said that she's 21 years old and living with a guy. Howard asked if that's her first guy. Sanjaya said that she's had previous relationships.
Howard said that he assumed that Sanjaya was gay. Sanjaya said that a lot of people think that. Howard said that he still think that he is. He claims in his book that he's straight though. Robin said that she thought he was gay until he walked in there today. Howard said he didn't get that off of him today either but he doesn't have very good gaydar.
Howard asked Sanjaya to fuck Robin right then to prove he's not gay. Sanjaya said that he could do it but he has a girlfriend so he can't. Howard asked when Sanjaya banged his first broad. He said he was 16. Howard said he must be able to get chicks easily. Sanjaya said that he probably could but he's been in this relationship for a year now.
Howard asked if the chick is hot. Sanjaya said that she is and he has banged this senior in high school. Howard asked if he's ever kissed a guy or taken it in the ass. Sanjaya said that he gets hit on all the time. Howard said he didn't get a gay vibe off of him, not that there's anything wrong with that, but he wasn't getting that today.
Howard asked Sanjaya about the wacky process of going on American Idol and how he has to admit that it's kind of crazy. Sanjaya said that he was in choir in school and was telling a story about how he got into the audition and Artie cut him off and asked him about being in choir. He asked ''You were in choir and you're not gay?'' Sanjaya said that the girls in choir are hot.
Howard asked Sanjaya about the duet he did with Joe Perry of Aerosmith. Howard said that he had originally requested to do it with Ozzy and Ozzy turned it down. Sanjaya said that they were trying to set something up with Ozzy but he doesn't know the logistics of the whole thing. Sanjaya said he didn't even know that he was going to sing with Joe until rehearsals.
Howard asked Sanjaya if it was a good or a bad experience for him being on the show the way he was. Sanjaya said that overall it was a good thing. He said that he's been working at being a musician all his life.
Howard gave Sanjaya a plug for his book ''Dancing to the Music in My Head: Memoirs of the People's Idol'' and for his EP album, ''Dancing to the Music in My Head,'' that's out now.
Howard asked Sanjaya if he would get nude in a magazine if he was asked to. Sanjaya said that he would be up for it in the future. Howard said he gets the feeling that he's very large in the pants if he would do that. He asked him if he has a big hose. Sanjaya said that he hasn't really seen anything to compare it to. Howard asked him if he's seen a guy naked before. He said he did see a guy naked at a party one time accidentally. Sanjaya said that the guy's nickname was ''Frankie Foot Long'' and that wasn't an exaggeration.
Howard asked Sanjaya if he has ever measured his penis. Sanjaya said that he has in the past but not recently. He said that it's been a long time since he did it. Howard said that he had his measured. Sanjaya said that he was under 6 inches at the age of 13. Howard said that he's a grown man and he was right around 6 inches. Howard said that he should be 8 inches at his height of 6'5''
Howard asked Sanjaya about the girls hitting on him on tour. He asked if he took advantage of it. Sanjaya said that he wasn't really into doing that. Howard said that made him suspicious. Howard asked if he's ever banged an older broad. Sanjaya said that the oldest he ever had was a 19 year old when he was 18.
Howard said that Benjy went on TV during a newscast and yelled out Sanjaya's name. Sanjaya thanked him for that. Benjy said he had fun doing that and it was fun being in the whole Sanjaya movement.
Howard played the audio of Benjy going on CNBC during a live broadcast and yelling out Sanjaya's name. The crew chased Benjy away after tackling him. Benjy said he got away from them after the tackle.
Howard asked Sanjaya about the season of American Idol he was on and read some quotes from one of the other contestants that was on with him who was bad mouthing him. Howard asked if he confronted the guy after he bad mouthed him. Sanjaya said that it wasn't that big of a deal to him. He said that the guy has his own talents and he just picks his battles. Howard said that Sanjaya seems to be very evolved when he says stuff like that. Howard said he's not nearly as evolved as he is.
Howard took a call from Gay Ramone who asked him how old he is. Sanjaya is 19. Ramone asked if he could eat out his pink butt hole. Sanjaya said that he wasn't interested in that. Howard said that High Pitch Mike went to his concert too and he just came out of the closet. Gay Ramone said that Sanjaya is gay and he can tell because his gaydar goes very far. Howard asked him if it's possible at all that maybe he'll come out of the closet some day. Sanjaya said that he's really not gay and penises are just weird looking.
Eric the Midget called in so the guys told Sanjaya what a big fan he is of the show. Howard said that Eric used to trash Sanjaya on the show and he was against the whole movement they had. Eric said that he guarantees that there won't be any technical problems on their show this week. Howard said this was about Sanjaya and he had to say goodbye to him if he didn't have a question for Sanjaya. Eric didn't have anything for them so Howard hung up on him.
Howard asked Sanjaya about his mother going to jail and what that's been like. Sanjaya said that he's been living with his aunt so he didn't even know what was going on until after it was over.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that he voted 5000 times for him. That was about all he had to add. Another caller said that he was wondering if Indian girls are allowed to shave down below. He wondered if it was a religious thing. Sanjaya said he doesn't think they have anything against it as far as he knows.
Howard asked Sanjaya if he's ever seen his sister naked. He said only when they were little kids. Howard said that's too bad because he'd have a lot of questions for him if he had.
Another caller said that there's no way Sanjaya isn't gay. He said that maybe Artie has to throw something at him to get him out of the closet. Howard asked Sanjaya if he performed at a Bat Mitzvah. He said that he did and it all depends on the father how much he can get paid for it. He said it was beautiful because it was held at a castle.
Howard played some of Sanjaya's new album. He played his song ''A quintessential Lullaby.'' Howard wondered what was up with the music as soon as it started. It was ''world music'' according to Sanjaya. Howard said it was something he could dance to. Howard said that if Sanjaya's sister was in there he'd be dancing.
Howard told Sanjaya that he seems to be doing his best and he hopes that he got an advance on that book. Sanjaya said that he did. He said he thinks that it was at least 100 grand. Howard said that's a nice amount of money. Sanjaya said that they're making sure he doesn't spend it all this time.
Howard asked Sanjaya how much it would cost a guy to have him come over for a private consultation. Sanjaya asked if that was a proposition. Howard said that Fred was asking.
Howard gave Sanjaya some more plugs for his book and album and started to wrap up with him. Howard asked him about this 17 year old he's banging and asked if her parents are okay with that. He said her parents like him and he thinks that they know that he's banging her. Howard asked at what age he started dating her. He said that she was 16 at the time but he wasn't her first. Howard asked Sanjaya if he's ever taken someone's virginity. He said that he and another girl did it for the first time when they were both virgins. Howard said that he's never had a virgin like that.
Artie said that he had a virgin but she looked like Elton John. Howard said that was a funny story. Howard said that he never found a girl that wanted him to do that to her. Howard asked if the hymen was still there when he did that chick. Sanjaya said that it was a very comfortable situation for him, that's all he's saying.
Howard gave Sanjaya some more plugs and wrapped up the interview a short time later. Howard said it was nice meeting him finally because they've wanted him on the show for some time now. Sanjaya seemed to have had fun too. They went to break after that.
Howard had Eric the Midget on the phone again and he had to straighten him out on something. He said that Eric sells these pictures and phone calls to people and one guy complained that he never got the call. Then Eric called him and left him a nasty message. He said that if a guy doesn't get what he pays for then he shouldn't be yelling at them.
Howard played the call and Eric was going off on the guy, Kyle, about his claims that he didn't get his picture. Eric said that he's not ripping people off like High Pitch Eric would. Eric told the guy not to come back to his store and said ''Goodbye for good jackass.''
Howard said that he would pay for that message if he got it. Artie said that the guy waited a month to call because he was doing him a favor and waiting to see if they were backed up or something. Artie said that wasn't right to go off on the guy like that. Eric said that he thinks that guy ordered the picture a month after the guy's birthday.
Howard said that these are paying customers and he has to treat them better than that. Howard hung up on him after he heard him listening to something in the background.
Artie said that Joey Boots called him telling him that his apartment building was on CBS. He said he really doesn't care even when he's on CBS anymore... but he did miss out on the crash landing.
Howard said that his father has been complaining about these Canadian geese that they're blaming the crash on. Howard said that he's obsessed with them. Howard said they're claiming that's what caused the crash.
Robin said that this happened to her on a flight one time. She said that they were on their way up when this loud noise came and then they smelled burning flesh. She said the plane kept trying to rise and it would keep coming back down. Robin said that she tried to read but she looked out and they were about 6 feet above the water and they couldn't get any higher. Robin said that they were trying to get the plane up and they had to turn around and get back to the airport. Robin said they were lucky to get back to the airport.
Howard said that Gary was telling him that they're going to come out and say that the plane had the same trouble 2 days earlier. Howard said that Gary thinks that they're going to come out and say that it wasn't the birds. Howard said that if the manufacturer has something going on then the lawyers are going to be really happy.
Howard said that Dominic Barbara could find an angle to sue the geese somehow. Robin said that people wonder why they can't put a grill on the engines or something. Fred said that can cause other problems. They can freeze up and things like that.
Gary said that when Richard was a little kid he was bitten by a goose and he sent this organization called ''geese peace'' a letter about how he hopes they kill every goose on the earth because he was bitten by one when he was a kid. Gary read the note to Howard and Richard sounded articulate in the letter. Gary said he was drunk when he wrote it too.
Howard played a voice mail that Richard's father left for him where he said he'd be willing to come out and shoot some of those geese if they need him. The guys talked about the plane crash and how amazing it was when they were able to save everyone with the ferries that were in the water.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that this is an interesting case. He said that they could sue the airport for not having a better defense system against the birds. Dominic was talking about what a panic it would be to see something like that. That led to them playing the audio of Dominic's mayday call when his boat was on fire.
Dan said that they somehow figured it out even though Artie didn't bring up the name on the air. Dan went on to say that Artie saved him by loaning him money back in March of 2008. He said that he was due for a windfall of money but that wind hasn't fallen yet. He said that it's still up in the air and it still might happen.
Artie said that Dan has been doing a lot of great work lately and he just happened to mention him recently. He really isn't mad at him though.
Artie said that he doesn't need the money desperately. He said he did Dan a favor. He said that he knows it's tough times right now. He said that Dan had asked for $15,000 and he only sent him the $7,500 because he knew that it would be best not to give him that much. Artie said that would be really hard for him to get out of his mind.
Howard asked Dan why he asked for $15,000 if he's been able to live on that 7,500. Dan said he was going to start up his business and get that going so he could pay Artie back faster. Dan said that he used to be the guy who loaned people money but that's not where he is now.
Howard asked Dan about the business and why he hasn't paid Artie back if he didn't get that going again. Dan said that money was to get him back on the road with his van and to move back into the area.
Dan said that he hasn't given himself a single luxury since he borrowed that money. Howard said that he heard he owes Artie more than the $7,500. Dan said he was going to give him interest and pay him 10 grand back. Artie said he doesn't have to do that.
Dan said that he was going to sell him the Harley but he can't even gain access to it to sell it. Howard asked how much it would cost to get the bike back. Dan said he owes about 4 grand but he's going to sell one bike for 2 grand and come up with another 2 grand to get to another bike that he can sell to get access to this other bike.
Artie said that he can't give Dan more money because of what he owes him now. Dan said that his business is kind of dead now because of what he was into back in the day. He said that he can't go work making minimum wages because he has so many bills and stuff and he's just too old to start out at the bottom again. Howard told him that maybe he could work in a motorcycle shop. Dan said he doesn't have the skills.
Gary came in and said that they've heard all kinds of rumors. He had to ask if it was true that Dan called Artie and cried that he wasn't going to be able to see his daughter so that's why he needed the money. Dan said that everything is fabricated because it's only him and Artie that had the conversation.
Howard said that Steve Langford found out some stuff. Dan said that he'd prefer that he call him the piece of shit that he is because he isn't getting the story right.
Dan said that Steve called him and he asked him not to run the story on this. He said that Steve ran with the story anyway even though he asked him not to because his daughter may find out about it. Howard said that Dan used the kid card and no one knows Dan's kid. He said that she's not going to get teased by the other kids. Dan said that she does get goofed on at school because they know who her father is. Dan said that Howard is calling him a liar and he's not lying about that.
Dan said that he asked Steve not to go on the air with the story and the fucking scumbag went on the air with it anyway. He ended up calling Steve some names in the studio and said that he's a human piece of shit and he should die tomorrow so he can shit on his face. He told him to walk past him fast because he doesn't want him near him. Howard told him not to make threats. Dan said that wasn't a threat.
Dan went off on Steve about squashing the story about his big penis and also about the ''Mud Langford'' story about him shitting his pants. Dan said that Steve covers up all of those stories and stuff and he gets people to cover for him. He said he's an asshole and a liar. He wouldn't stop but Howard kept trying to calm him down.
Howard asked if Steve could answer that. Steve said that he didn't shit his pants. Dan said that he is the shit and a piece of shit can't shit.
Steve asked Dan why he was on the air if he wanted to keep the story quiet. Dan said that Steve already blew it out of proportion, that's why. Dan asked Steve if he warned or cautioned him not to run that story. Howard said that they weren't getting anywhere with this.
Steve said that they reported a story and they mentioned that Dan refused to go on tape to talk about it. Dan was getting all pissed at him and told Steve to never walk near him. Howard told Steve to leave and go out the other door so he wouldn't walk past him. Dan said he wasn't going to touch the guy but he did warn him not to walk near him.
Dan said that he asked him not to run the story because of his daughter and he ran it anyway. Dan said that he's helped the guy out before and this is the way he gets treated. Howard told Dan to take his own voice and make some song parodies about it. Dan said that he's sure someone else would do that.
Dan said that he's tried to call Artie about this whole thing but he can't get in touch with him. Artie said that's the way it is with a lot of people. They can't get in touch with him either because he's a heroin addict.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Dan if maybe he just concentrated on resolving the whole $7,500 thing that maybe it wouldn't matter what Langford says. Dan said that he is working on a lot of stuff to pay him back but he doesn't need this guy Langford saying stuff on the air that can get back to his daughter.
Artie asked Dan if anything has gotten back to his daughter. Dan said that it has gotten back to his daughter and someone called her a ''welfare loser.'' Howard and Artie aren't sure how they even know who Dan is because they don't even know his last name.
A caller said that Dan was just going off on a guy for no good reason. Dan said that he asked the guy not to run the story and he ran it anyway even though he knew that it could impact his daughter.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he likes Dan and he used to play hockey with him. The guy said that they lost one time and Dan just sat down, lit up a cigarette and said ''Man we sucked.'' That led to Howard asking Dan why he continues to smoke even though he claims he doesn't have any money. Dan said that he would rather smoke than eat. Howard said that Dan could be paying that money to Artie instead of blowing it on cigarettes. Howard told him to stop smoking and pay Artie that money. Dan changed subjects and spoke to the guy on the phone.
Dan said that he wishes he could quit but he can't. Gary came in and said that the guys in the office were asking why Dan would go to Artie's book signing and pay him some of his money there if he wanted to keep it quiet.
Dan said that it had been brought up on the air already and it was already out there. He said that his kid wasn't going to see that. Gary said that he doesn't know that she's not going to find out about that. He thinks that Dan is just going off on Steve because he's an easy target.
Another caller said that they had auctioned Dan's bikes off already. The guy was wrong with the bike descriptions. Another guy said that he wanted to know what storage unit it was because he anted to buy the bikes. Dan said that it's through an individual and not a storage unit.
Dan got in a plug for Beacher's Mad House out in Las Vegas as Howard was wrapping up with him. Then Dan asked Artie if he didn't invite him to his parties out at his house at the shore because of this stuff. Artie said that it wasn't a formal party and he didn't send out invitations. Artie said he's not like that and he wouldn't have kept him from coming to the party.
Artie said that he never brings up people's names on the air when they talk about this stuff. He said that no one would have known who it was if Dan hadn't called in. Howard wanted to wrap up with this whole thing and end it. Dan said that he was going to get an advance on what he's going to get paid on this upcoming tour they're doing and he's going to give that to Artie.
Howard said that Dan is a super talented guy and he thinks that he will get back on his feet. Artie said that he doesn't need money now but people have seen his violent streak. He said that he will go looking for it if he ever needs it.
Howard played Dan's song ''Everybody Douche Now'' that he had played earlier. He told Dan to go take whatever Artie is on and calm down over there. They went to break after that.
Howard said that he was talking to Larry the Duck during the break. Larry was a radio guy he used to listen to years ago. Howard said that the guy doesn't dress like a duck and he was kind of disappointed in that. Howard said he used to listen to his show years ago and he really enjoyed his show. Larry was still in the studio so Howard said hello to him.
Howard asked Larry about the name and if he ever did wear an outfit. Larry said that he's on SIRIUS First Wave now. He also works for Broadcasting and Cable. Larry said he's got a few kids and his oldest son is 23 years old. Howard thanked Larry for coming in. Larry thanked them for talking about him too.
Howard said that he's thinking about going into all animal names like Fred the Giraffe, Benjy the Elephant, Gary the Monkey or Horse Toothed Jackass. Artie said he didn't want to be the hippo. He wanted to be a jaguar or something like that.
Howard said that Sasshalee won't even date guys in their 30s so Artie is out of the question. Howard said that Gange asked her if she would date someone like Matthew McCoughnahey. Howard said that Gange figured he didn't have a chance with her because of that.
Howard asked Sashalee about her boyfriend that she's working things out with. She said that she's been going out with him for a while and they're trying to work things out. She's only had 3 boyfriends and she wasn't saying if she's had sex with them all. Howard said that she claims that she's never masturbated either. Sashalee said she's serious about that. Howard didn't believe her. Howard said that she had to have touched herself down there. She said that she's only 20 years old. Howard said that most women by that age have touched themselves down there. Howard asked if she's almost touched herself down there. She said she hasn't.
Howard asked if she thinks that there's anything wrong with using meat and vegetables on yourself down there. She didn't seem to have a problem with that. Howard said that might show signs of a disturbed individual. Robin agreed.
Howard said that Sashalee is 5'8'' tall and only weighs 125 pounds. She said she's been told she's too big to model. Howard said that Sashalee's pictures were up on the web site so he checked that out. Howard asked her if she would ever do Playboy. She said she's a little conservative so she wouldn't do that.
Howard read that Sashalee's parents are divorced and she's not talking to her father. She said that her father is in his 40s and he dated a 19 year old. Howard said that he can't blame him for doing that. She said that she's got no intention of talking to the guy again at this point. Howard said it seems kind of sad not to talk to your dad. Howard asked what age the cut off would be. She said that it would have to be someone who can't wear her clothes. She said that she and the other girl was using him and it wasn't just the age that bothered her.
Howard said that Sahshalee used to be a pizza delivery girl. Howard asked her if she was ever raped or molested. She said she wasn't but she wasn't wearing a bikini to the houses either. She said that most of the people knew her anyway. Howard said that's a sexy delivery girl. He said he would have tipped her like 2 or 3 hundred bucks if she showed up to his house. She said the biggest tip she ever got was maybe 10 bucks. That was big for her at that point.
Howard said that Sashalee is also in this week's Howard TV'' Show in the Hallway'' episode with Beth. Howard wrapped up and let her go after that.
Jon came in and said that he did go out there but he did have tickets. He said that he had to drive about 7 hours to get out there. Jon said that it was very cold out at the game. He said he had a bunch of shirts, sweat pants and jeans on. Jon said that everyone was wearing a Steelers jersey out there.
Howard asked Jon why he told people that he wouldn't drive home that night if the team had lost. Jon said that he's really into the team and he lived there so he would have been distraught if they had lost. Jon said that he lived there from Kindergarten through 4th grade and he's been a big fan ever since. Howard said that sounds crazy to him. Howard said he hasn't watched one game so far and he usually plays chess while Beth watches the games.
Howard said that he played a game over the weekend and he was told that he's really getting good. He said that he's in the 1700s with his chess rating right now.
Jon said that Pittsburgh really depends on that team out there. Scott Ferrall called in and said that the people with class are people like Jon and Beth and not the people who like the Eagles. Scott said that he wished that he was out there with Jon. Howard said that Scott was on after Underdog Lady last night and woke him right up after she put him to sleep.
Howard talked to Ferrall for a few minutes about the Steelers and the mayor of the city out there. The guy changed his last name to something with the name Steelers in it. Ferrall explained all of that in agonizing detail. Artie helped out with the story too. He said that the guy's name was Ravenstal and he changed it to Steelerstal because he hated the Ravens so much.
Howard asked if Scott's voice hurts when he talks because it's so intense. He had already let him go at that point though. Artie and Jon continued to talk about the game and the upcoming Super Bowl.
Artie was saying that he wants to ask Ferrall about the Super Bowl and what he thinks about that. Howard said he heard that Jon won't let his wife watch any games with him. Jon said that she kind of spoiled a game for him one time and he won't let her watch with him now.
Howard said that he was out at a Knick's game the other night and Whoopi Goldberg was there. Howard talked about that game and some of the stuff he saw there. Howard said that the Knicks were winning at half time but they ended up losing. Howard said that they were down by 10 points the rest of the night. Artie said that he used to like going to games when they won but not anymore. Howard said that he had a good time there.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his Howard 100 News preview. Howard asked him about the whole Dan thing that just went on a little earlier. Steve said that he wasn't traumatized by that at all. He said that Dan was still out in the hall but he may have been under supervision.
Howard said that he doesn't like to see Dan upset like that but he hopes that things get a little better. Howard said that Dan isn't the enemy. Steve said that he's just covering the news.
Steve said that Artie is doing a make up show at Foxwoods in April of this year. He said that they checked with him to find out if Artie is okay to do this one. Artie has told them that he will be there.
Steve said that they have a fan who claims that Artie has owed him money for the past 2 years. Artie told the guy to come and get it, he doesn't have his number.
Steve said that Eric the Midget has sold 2 tickets to the Kings game that Eric is going to be appearing at. Steve said that they're taking credit for those sales.
Steve said that they're going to be covering the inauguration today on 17 channels on SIRIUS. Howard said that's wild, seventeen channels.
Howard got Eric the Midget on the phone and congratulated him on the 2 ticket sales. Eric ended up going off on Artie for making fun of him. Artie asked who bought them and which friends of his they were. Eric said that they were just fans and he didn't know who they were.
Fred was doing an impression of Eric that was kind of robot-like. Steve said they hope that more people do buy tickets. Eric has a month and a half to sell more tickets. Howard said goodbye to Eric and let him go once again.
Steve wrapped up his news preview and then Jon Hein came in and did his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon went through that while they looked for Tim Sabean to come in to talk about Underdog Lady's show last night.
Tim Sabean came in to talk about Underdog Lady's show. Tim said that she got into it and had a good time with it. He said he felt it went very well and he'll talk to her about doing future shows based on what they talked about last night. Tim said that she was very skittish about any negative phone calls so she took it upon herself to hang up on people. Tim said that she didn't hit the delay button, she would just hang up. Tim said that she was getting flustered and she would stop talking for a few seconds instead.
Howard asked Tim about her not mentioning his name on the channel. Tim said that she didn't want anything to do with Howard Stern and didn't even want to say his first name to plug the channel she was on. Tim said that she was up there knitting and had a nice steak sandwich after the show that they bought for her.
Tim said that she was wearing sneakers and a skirt that she had knitted herself. Howard said that there seemed to be a lot of negativity on the SternFanNetwork last night. Tim said he wasn't able to read it last night so he didn't know about that.
Howard played a clip from Underdog Lady's show where she was singing a song that she sings in church on the Sunday before Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday. She explained the reason for the song and said that it's ''Precious Lord Take My Hat.'' She then breaks into song. Howard said that he can imagine a guy buying SIRIUS and tuning into the channels to hear that for the first time. He figured that the guy would be pissed if that's the first thing he heard.
In the clip Suzanne takes a call from a guy who said that was a lovely rendition of the song. Howard played more clips from her show where she was telling the fans about what she wanted to talk about and then breaks into ''God Bless America.'' That had Artie, Howard and Fred laughing. Robin said that she didn't have the right lyrics. She was screwing up the song. Howard had to cut it off.
Mariann said that she didn't know that they were even going to have that show on. Howard said they kept it low key because they didn't want to freak her out. Howard said that he listened to her show the whole hour and he wasn't able to get through more than 5 minutes of Mariann's show. Mariann said that she's working on a new concept for her show.
Howard asked Jon to get to the rest of his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran through all of the stuff they were going to cover today.
Howard said that Robin left out the part about going into the sauna with the guy and how he ended up hugging and kissing her in there. Howard said that all guys who give massages are up to no good. Robin said that she got up and the guy helped her put the robe on her. He put his arm around her and gave her a bunch of kisses on her cheek. Howard said ''What!?'' He sounded shocked by that. Robin said that it was just a bunch of quick pecks on her cheek.
Artie said that the guy was just testing to see if there was an opening there. Robin said that there did seem to be some openings there. Artie figured that she could have had him fired at the least. Robin just laughed.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Sal was incredible in this new show he has. Howard said that it really is good and you should watch it. Howard said he does a scene with Lisa Lampanelli in an upcoming episode that's really good. Robin said she'd like a copy because she doesn't have Howard TV. She said she needs to get hooked up.
Artie said that there's no way that guy doesn't know Sal. He said that he was way too into the whole thing. Howard seemed to agree with him on that.
Robin got into her news and read a story about a former Miss USA who has become a porn star. She said she was a Miss USA contestant back in 2001. Howard said that Amy Fisher is also getting into porn. Robin said she was going to talk about that too. Robin said that this woman is getting into hard core porn too, not soft stuff.
Gary came in and said that she wants to do the show. He said that Amy Fisher is a different story. Gary said he spoke to her husband about it and he doesn't want to talk about the Mary Jo stuff.
Robin said that Amy Fisher is only going to be doing girl/girl stuff and no guys. Fred ended up playing some clips from Amy's home sex tape. Howard said that he might have to have her in just to talk about the porn stuff. Fred played some of those sex tape clips and Howard was getting sick hearing them. He was grossed out by it and goofed on the husband's Elmer Fudd-like voice. Howard and Artie had some fun with that for a few minutes. Howard was also doing his Ted Kennedy impression a little bit during that. They had to take a break a short time later.
After the break, around 10:30am, Robin got back to her news and read about the inauguration of Barack Obama that's taking place today. Howard said that they have to let this guy get to work and stop partying after that. Robin said that they're expecting huge crowds down there in Washington DC today. Howard said he's excited there's a new president but this is a very important job and they have to let him do it, not all of this ceremonial bullshit.
Howard said that if he were President, he'd go into hiding and just work. He said he'd work his ass off and not take the time to shake everyone's hands. Robin said she read that he collects comic books and his favorite is Spider-Man. Howard said he likes to hear that.
Artie said that he's grown to like this guy and he has high hopes for him to do a good job. Robin had some other useless information about President Obama that she read through. Howard ended up going into his Kennedy impression again during that.
Robin continued her story about Barack Obama and Howard said he still can't believe that there's a black man going into office. Robin said that people keep reminding her that he's not 100 percent black. Artie said that if he moves into your neighborhood that wouldn't matter. Robin wondered if they're ever going to have anyone who was born there who will be President. Artie wondered if a Jew would ever get into office. Howard said that will never happen. He said there's too much anti-Semitism out there.
Howard asked if they think that Obama and Michelle are really that in love. Robin said that she thinks that they are. Artie said that Barack could be getting hot chicks. Howard said it would be so great if he left her for Halle Berry or something.
Howard said he hopes that no one tries to take this guy out because he went through that with Kennedy. Howard said that he's going to turn to his god, L. Ron Hubbard, and ask that nothing happen to this guy. Howard said that he got strange thing in the mail this week. He got a card from Tom Cruise, Katie and Suri. Howard said he was quite taken aback by that. He wasn't sure how he got on their list. Howard said that he did talk about wanting to see ''Valkyrie'' but he's not sure if that was it or not. Howard said that this is the first time it's ever happened so he's not sure what's going on there.
Robin said that there's a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle out of Barack Obama. Howard said that Daniel Carver would call that a ''Nig-Saw Puzzle.'' Artie said that he figured it would just be a 'Jig Puzzle.'' The guys talked about that Daniel Carver call for a short time after that.
Howard said that he just wants to know when he's going to see change. Robin said that it's already happening. She said that Marvel comics is making Obama the next super hero. Howard said that he's jealous of that. Howard said he was on the cover of Mad Magazine but being on the cover of Spider Man would be amazing.
Robin brought up a story about a memory pill that's coming out. She said that they're saying that it will help people remember when they study and things like that. Howard said that everyone is looking for the easy way out with stuff like that. Howard told Robin to give it to Fred so he remembers that he works with him.
Robin said that the crew of the flight that went down in the Hudson last week are asking the press to back off a little bit. The pilot still isn't talking to anyone but his wife is. They're asking the press to respect their wishes and back off a little bit.
Robin read a story about some tattoo parlors that are offering a free ''Obama 08'' tattoo if you get another tattoo worth over $200. Howard said that he got a Biden tattoo on his thigh.
Robin read a story about Anne Hache and her husband having a baby. Howard said he thought she was gay. Robin said that she was at one time.
Robin had some audio of the Jonas Brothers singing. Artie yelled out ''Suck a Cock'' during that song. Robin said that Michelle Obama and her daughters were at the Jonas Brothers concert. Robin had some audio of Michelle talking about how the kids there were the future of the nation.
Robin had some audio of various people talking about this historic day. She had audio of Eric Estrada talking about it. Howard wondered where they dug him up.
Howard said that this ''change'' thing should be good because Bush and his people didn't want any kind of change at all.
Robin played some more audio of people talking about this inauguration. She had one clip of a kid talking about how he's going to be telling his kids about this historic day when he gets older. Robin had a story about the Black Eyed Peas coming out with a new song about Obama. She played some of that as well.
Gary came in and said that at the concert they had yesterday they had like one of everyone in. They had George Lopez and the Indian guy, Kal Penn, from the Harold and Kumar movie show up to say a few words.
Robin read a story about Martin Luther King day and what people were doing. Howard said that he got serviced by Beth. Artie said he slept all day.
Robin read a story about Kelly Osbourne getting into a fight with a reporter after she heard that she had called her husband stupid. Robin had a story about Donovan being honored by the French. That got Howard into singing some of his songs.
Howard ended up talking about the iPussy thing that he created last week. It was the latest Apple product that he hoped that Steve Jobs would eventually invent. Howard talked about what it might be like to call customer service when you have a problem with that product.
Robin read more about this Donovan thing and got Howard singing his songs again. She read a story about Bruce Springsteen's latest album and how Bruce is leaking some of those songs a little early. She also had some news about U2's latest album coming soon. She had a preview of their first single that she had Howard play. Robin didn't think it sounded very good.
Robin said that Kevin James' new movie ''Paul Blart: Mall Cop'' was number 1 in the movies this weekend. They made $38 million in the first weekend. Artie said that Sandler produced it so that was a good move. Robin said that Brendan Fraser is also back with a new movie. She talked about that movie, ''Inkheart,'' and had Howard play a boring clip of him talking about that.
Robin read about Renee Zellwegger's new movie and had some audio of her talking about that. She also said that the guy who played the robot in ''Lost in Space'' has died. That led to Howard doing some impressions of the characters on that show for a minute. Robin said that the guy lost his home in November when a fire took out his ''upscale'' mobile home. The guys found that ''upscale'' thing pretty amusing. They said they didn't know there was such a thing.
Robin read a story about a woman who was saved by her cat when it woke her up at 4 in the morning because her house was on fire. The cat woke her up and saved her and her two children.
Robin said that Joaquin Phoenix has come out as a rapper and made his first appearance. Artie said that he's clearly lost his mind and his friends and family have to do something. Howard said he might need an intervention. Robin said that she didn't have any audio, just some copy on the story. They ended the show after that. It was around 11:10am.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking to Sanjaya about the first time he got laid. After that clip Jon said that there were still some doubters about him not being gay. Jon asked Benjy what he thought. Benjy said he seemed like a great guy but he's not a good judge. He said that he doesn't seem that effeminate to him.
Jon asked where high Pitch Mike was. Gary said he was supposed to be in this morning but he's not sure what happened. Benjy said he really can't tell but he may have been kind of soft and friendly but not really ''swishy.''
Dan the Song Parody Man was in and asked what the age of consent was in Washington State. Dan said that it could be statutory rape if he's 19 and dating a 17 year old. Gary said that Dan just knowing about that stuff might be creepy to some people.
The caller was also telling Dan to just come clean about the money he owes to Artie. He told Dan not to go off on Steve for bringing it out. Dan said it was already out on the show and he asked Steve not to get into it more than he had because of his daughter.
Gary said that Dan is being a little disingenuous by blaming this all on Steve when it was talked about ton the air before that. Dan said he asked Steve not to run the story and he chose to ignore that. Dan said that he thought that Steve would have listened to him and not run that story. He said that if he did run it then he was the human piece of garbage that he is.
Dan said that he heard that story 5 times over the course of the weekend that the story ran. Gary said that he heard that Dan was mad for how much they ran that news report but the show where he admitted he was the one Artie was taking about was also run about the same number of times.
Another caller said that if you put yourself on the air you have to suck it up and take it like a man. Dan said that he asked the guy (Steve) not to run the story because he didn't want it blown out of proportion. He said that he wouldn't do it if someone asked him not to run a story like that.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks Steve did something wrong. Gary said he didn't. He said that the story was already out there and it had been talked about numerous times and he's not sure why Dan is upset with Steve about the whole thing. Dan said that he's not mad at anyone. He said he's annoyed that people are gossiping and stuff.
Gary said that no one was speaking about this on the air. Dan said that is not true, they did bring up his name that day. He said he will find the audio from that day and prove it. Gary said that Artie denied it though and he never admitted that it was Dan.
Gary said that the listeners had no idea that he was the one. The person who connected the dots was actually Dan himself. Dan said that he still didn't want Steve running that story because he thought about his kid and what she'd have to put up with. Dan said that Steve has done a lot of stories that have screwed people on the show over but he's also done some great reporting.
Jon asked Dan if anything can be changed now. Dan said that it's already done. Benjy asked Dan why he put it out there that his daughter was called Welfare trash because now people are going to use that even more. Dan said that was already out there and he was just explaining his situation.
Dan said that being broke really sucks and he hopes that no one else ever has to feel the way he does. He said that he hung onto his business for 2 years too long after 9/11 and that was a big mistake. He said that's the day that his business ended.
Dan said that he's owed a lot of money too and he knows that he may never get paid back. Dan said that he will pay back Artie. Gary said that there's no one there who doesn't feel bad for him. Dan said that's not what he's looking for. Gary said that asking Artie what to do is wrong though because Artie just wants to collect the money.
Gary said that Dan might be unable to read signals, like a certain other guy in the room, and that's why he won't sell his bike and just pay Artie back. Dan said that Artie told him not to sell his bike the last time he ran into him. He said that he's going to have to sell the bike because he's feeling so bad about the whole situation.
Ralph called in and asked if they really think that Dan is going to pay money back that fast. He said that the way he looks, he wouldn't expect to get his money back right away. Ralph said that he would never give Dan that kind of money. Dan said that's because Ralph would just steal it off a table.
Ralph was also wondering why her kid is known in school as Dan the Song Parody Man's daughter. Dan said that she's proud of her father and she tells people about that. Dan said that he's not blaming Steve for her being known as his kid. Gary said that he kind of was blaming Langford for that stuff today.
Benjy asked Jon if he knew that it was Dan who owed the money to. Jon said that he really didn't know until Dan came on the air and said it. Jon said that no one knew it was Dan until Dan came on the air and said it.
Gary said that when you lend money to someone, you should lend it like you're never going to see it again. Ralph said that there are a few people in there that he wouldn't expect it back from. Dan said that he would lend it to people if he had it. Dan said that he would lend anyone in the studio the $7,500 if he had it.
Dan said that he needed that money to move back East so he could get back into business to make some money. He was living out in Vegas and part of the payment he was getting out there was housing. Dan said he has some stuff that he can sell to make some more money and he's working on fixing that stuff up. Jon had to end that discussion and take a break after that.
Jon said that it really irked Howard and he was really set off by it a bit. Gary said that when you're treating someone to dinner that kind of thing can really throw you off. Benjy said that he's always careful about what he eats when someone else is paying. Gary said he's the same way.
Gary said that he saw the bill himself and when he saw the total he knew it had to have been the wine. Gary said that he saw it online at home, it was $400. He figured it was at least $800 at the restaurant. Gary said that Robin should have asked Howard about what he thought when she picked it out. Gary said it's a weird thing to be in so he's not sure what would have happened even if they had done it that way.
Jon asked Benjy about showing up late to the dinner. Benjy said that he did show up late but it wasn't 30 minutes, it was 20 minutes. Benjy said that he was going to ask if he could show up late but he didn't do that. Gary said that some of this is about Howard but it's also about Benjy. Benjy said he likes to sleep during the day. Gary told him that he was being rude though. Benjy said that he knows it was a bad idea and it didn't go over like he thought it would.
Benjy said he was looking at this like a casual dinner out with friends. Gary said that Benjy has to know about the way Howard runs a dinner and how uptight he can be. Benjy said that he thought of it like a dinner that you can show up a half hour late to. Gary said that he just made that up. There is no etiquette that says you can do something like that.
Jon moved on from ''the Benjy vortex'' and took some calls. A caller said that an $800 bottle of wine is an $800 bottle of wine and Robin should have known better than to do that to Howard. Gary said that he could have easily drank more that night and they could have added another bottle pretty easily. The caller said that no one can tell the difference between that wine and a cheaper bottle. The guy said that Robin buying a bottle like that and then helping people in other countries doesn't make sense. Gary didn't get that.
Gary said that the proper thing would have been to maybe get a bottle of $200 wine instead. He said that Robin didn't do it on purpose and she was really stung by it today.
Ralph was on the phone again and said that it was disgusting that Robin did this to Howard in this economy. He said that Howard has a respect for money and he doesn't just throw it around like that. Ralph said that Robin should have respected that. He also said that it was tacky to even get started with an $800 bottle of wine.
Gary asked why it was disgusting if Robin wanted to spend that on herself. Ralph said that she's not going to be able to tell the difference between that and a $200 bottle. Benjy asked him if he feels the same about watches. Ralph said to a certain extent he does. He said that a $5,000 watch is just ridiculous. Gary said that a watch salesman basically told him the same thing one time.
Dan asked Ralph if there were a bunch of bottles of $800 wine on the table, would he try and grab one when no one was looking. The guys told him that his joke didn't work earlier and it didn't work this time either.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that this show was horrible being sucked into the Benjy vortex and into the Dan vortex. The caller said that they should be talking about Robin and her wine because you just don't do that to someone. The guy said it's mind boggling to him. He asked if that kind of wine price was insane even in New York City. Gary said that is the type of place that he may never go to again unless Howard brings him there again. They had to end the show a short time later. Benjy threw it out there that he's not doing that crazy sex hook up type of thing anymore. Gary said that he thinks Benjy did that because his mother got satellite.
Howard started off the show talking about leaving the show yesterday and seeing everyone out in the hallway watching the inauguration on TV. Howard said he walked right by to get to where he was going. He said he stopped there and watched some of Obama's speech and he thinks it's an exciting time.
Robin said that she was at their agent's office watching the Obama stuff. Robin said that Don't system was so messed up that they were barely able to see anything on the TV. Howard said that Don is an older guy and he won't buy new equipment, kind of like his parents.
Howard said that Obama screwed up his speech a little bit but that was because of the Supreme Court Justice gave him the wrong words and Obama knew it. Howard said that was the biggest moment in Obama's life and that guy screwed him up. Howard said he actually left out some words and rearranged the order of them. Howard said he may not even be President after that. Howard said that Nixon may be president after the way they ran that thing.
Howard said that Dick Cheney is giving them a big ''Wah, look at me'' with that whole wheelchair thing. Howard said that the guy is so upset that he's out of office that they stuck him in a wheelchair.
Howard was also talking about Bush's smirk and how he looks like he just swallowed a canary. He said he always hated that smirk. Howard wished the new president luck in office after that.
Howard said that he was watching with a group of guys and he said it was nice that they had a guy who can talk. He said that he should be able to represent the country well.
Robin said that Obama seemed very confident up there giving his speech. Howard said that this might be the last big event where everyone is watching TV. He said that the way things are progressing they may not be watching it on TV again. Robin said that they were trying to watch it on the internet at Don's office and it was funny to watch him trying to get it working. Howard said he doesn't update his equipment much so it's not new stuff he's running over there.
Howard said that he has met Renee Zellwegger a couple of times in the past. The first time was at a beauty parlor during the shooting of ''Private Parts.'' He said that she was there and she knew the person who worked on his movie. Howard said that they talked a bit there and she was very attractive. He said that he's not used to that.
Howard said that Renee sent them a wedding gift of an old bible that they have in their living room now. Howard said he sends out thank-you notes and he asked Gary to find out an address for Renee so he can send out the note. Gary tried contacting her people and they told him that they don't allow any type of correspondence to go directly to her.
Howard said that his gift came right to him and he can't live his life like that not giving out an address to someone. Howard said that he even gives out his e-mail address and people freak out when they hear that.
Howard said that Gary was yelled at and told to just send the note to her. Howard said he sent out the note and now he has to wonder if she ever got the note. Howard said he thinks that if she did get it, she would have sent him a note about it and would have told him to write to her at some other address. Howard said he sent out this note months ago and never heard from her.
Artie said he worked with Renee on ''Jerry Maguire'' and she hadn't gotten really big at the time. Then she hit it big after that shoot. Artie said that they were even very protective of her back then. Howard said that he's 99 percent sure that she never got his thank-you note. He said that they had spoken about getting together at some point and now he thinks that they never got her that note. Robin told him to get those people in trouble the next time he sees Renee out. Howard said he will and Fred played a ''Grrr'' clip from ''Ed Wood'' that Howard repeated.
Howard read an article about Renee Zellwegger and this guy that she was dating. She was married to a country singer for like a day. Howard read about this news reporter that she was seen out with and wondered if he could have dated her himself. Howard also talked about running into Elle McPherson one time and how he didn't understand a word she was saying.
Artie said that this reporter didn't say anything where she lied but there are little digs and knocks. Artie said that there was something about his father being a scoundrel ''as in every Italian family.'' Artie said she was trying to be funny and she's just not funny. Artie said he hates being judged like she seems to be doing in that article and he's not going to put himself through that anymore.
Gary came in to talk about what he saw in the article. Howard said that he didn't think it was all bad. He said that there were some good things in there too. Artie said that the title of the article is ''America's Biggest Loser.'' Howard said he smells at least 10 minutes of stand-up from that article.
Gary said that they start off talking about Artie being on the Stern show and she doesn't really talk about how funny he is. Artie and Howard said that's not true.
Howard said he didn't see it as harsh as Gary did. He said that it concentrates on what Artie talks about in his book. Howard said that he would want to read his book after reading this article.
Artie said that she claims that he's got kind of an Andrew Dice Clay thing about his stand-up. He said that she was complimentary about him being like David Sedaris. Artie said that's kind of a compliment to him. Gary said that she compared him to someone that no one knows though. Artie said that she says that he's a master anecdotal story teller so that was a big compliment to him. Howard said that it's okay if she did that but it's a major thing for her to compliment him like that.
Howard said Artie revealed that he was shot up with heroin in the article and he's never talked about that before. Artie said that was about 2 years ago and this chick did it without him knowing that she was going to do it to him. Artie said that he ended up throwing up from that because it was so extreme. He said that he saw her unwrap the needle to use but he didn't know that it was going to be for him. He said he ended up throwing stuff around her apartment but eventually calmed down from the high. Artie said that was about 2 years ago and it's never happened since.
Gary asked him about his coke nose story in the article. Artie said that he thought that his nose was starting to get beat up from the cocaine he was using and he put it in a drink one time. He said he didn't even remember telling her that story but it made it into the article.
Artie said that he's very sensitive to people being condescending to him. Howard told Artie that he knows that feeling because he's in Rolling Stone magazine and that's a big deal. Howard said that he was anxious to work with the reporter and he opened up to her.
Artie said that there are passages in there that are very crazy. Howard said that they are shocking but it's very much like his book so it should be good book promotion. Howard said it's really accurate and he thinks that it can be a good thing.
Gary said that John Belushi's wife was upset about the book that came out about him because they focused on just one part of his life. Gary said that's kind of the way he feels about this article about Artie. She was focusing on just a part of Artie's life.
Artie said that this chick quotes his stand-up in a way that she says that it's funny but crude. He said that the Italian family thing was the thing that bothered him. Howard asked Artie if this is going to drive him back to heroin. Artie said that it won't because it makes him think that it's time to regroup.
Howard said that maybe the next article will be about Artie being clean and sober. Artie said he knew this wasn't going to be a puff piece. He said that kind of chick hates guys like him when she goes out.
The caller asked Howard if he knows what Beth is going to be wearing tomorrow on the Mike and Juliet show. Howard said he got a whole fashion show. He said that she's doing something for the Tyra Banks show today and tomorrow she's doing that Mike and Juliet show. He said that she'll be hosting with Mike while the chick is out on vacation or something.
Howard told the guys about what Beth was trying on for him last night. He said that she's got a long red dress for Thursday and a short dress for Tyra's show. Howard said that he was helping her pick out what to wear. On Friday she's going to wear a short, purple dress on that Mike and Juliet show. Howard said he banged Beth after seeing all of that.
The caller was talking about watching all of this stuff on TV so Robin asked him what he does that allows him to stay home. The guy said he's a skateboarder. He said that he can make some money doing that stuff if he hustles. He said that he has people who can help him out with that kind of stuff and he can get free boards, shoes and stuff like that. Howard asked him if he's ever busted up anything. The guy said that he's busted his knee, ankle, hand and more. Howard asked if he wears a helmet. The guy said he does because he has hit his head too many times.
Howard said he was reading all of this stuff about Artie and how he was getting skin popped, driving around going through stop signs and going through the E-Z Pass thing. Howard said that Artie's car isn't magic so he's got to be getting through some how.
Robin said that her E-Z Pass had fallen off the window and she didn't know it until she got an error message at one of the E-Z Pass gates. She said that she may get something in the mail like that. Artie said that the E-Z Pass thing isn't supposed to be on the floor, it has to be up on the window. Artie said that it's under a bunch of Burger King wrappers and he doesn't want to pick it up.
Artie said that this Mercedes he has is the worst car he's had. He said that he has to pay like $2,400 for service and they can't fix the balance that's off. Howard said that maybe the car has figured out how low life he is and it's reacting to him.
Howard kept up the Kennedy impression for a few minutes. He was talking about the Obama speech, Caroline Kennedy, the luncheon where he passed out and Senator Byrd. Artie would throw in a line once in a while as Kennedy as well.
The caller was talking to Howard as if he were Ted and would tell him how bad he looked at that luncheon. They talked about how bloated Ted looked at that event. They joked about his seizure and how he had ''seized the day.''
Howard and Fred joked around with their impressions making fun of the Kennedy family for a few minutes. Howard eventually got out of the impression when the caller brought up something about cat porn and Jason Kaplan posting video on the site.
Gary came in and said that Jason has a Facebook page with a picture of him and his cat. Gary said that the guys in the back are saying he's gay to post that stuff. Gary said he knows he's not gay but that's what the guys are saying. Artie said that maybe he's bi. Howard said that Jason isn't bi, he's only into chicks.
Howard asked Robin about this story about Jimmy Carter snubbing the Clinton at the inauguration. Howard said that he heard that Jimmy stood away from Bill Clinton. Robin didn't remember what the reason was for that.
Benjy said he was reading about it. Benjy said that Clinton was mad at Carter for being a freewheeling diplomat and going out and speaking for the country when he didn't want him to. He heard that Carter gave him shit about the Monica Lewinsky thing too. He said it goes back to the Reagan thing too but he wasn't sure about that being a grudge or not.
Howard read an article about the Carter / Clinton thing. He said that he's glad that Clinton is getting a little taste of his own medicine. Howard said that Clinton snubbed him at a concert he was at and stepped in between him and Jon Bon Jovi one time and didn't even acknowledge that he was there. Howard said that politicians will fuck with you if you say anything negative about them. Howard said he's had that happen to him before.
Artie read some of his article to Howard from Rolling Stone. He read about driving around and not letting anyone wear seat belts and then going through stop signs. She wrote about him blowing through the E-Z Pass thing without paying for over a year. Howard said that's the kind of stuff they write about in a Rolling Stone magazine and he did some weird stuff himself when he was doing an interview for the magazine. Howard said he was listening to an obscure black station. He said that the reporter knew that he was a poseur.
Howard said he had a lot to get to today. He said that Joan Rivers is stopping by. They have this guy Rich Cronin coming in and he was part of this boy band called LFO. Howard said he would get to that next. He said the guy has been leading a pretty wild life.
Gary said they have a new show on where these boy band guys are trying to get back to where they were. Howard said that Kidd Chris told him that he's a good guest. He said that Lou Perlman put the band together and this Rich guy claims that Lou tried to come on to him. There was something about Justin Timberlake that Rich will tell them about too. Artie said that he was once asked if he wanted a small part in a Justin Timberlake movie. He said he didn't even want a big part in a Justin Timberlake movie.
Howard played a new song parody about Robin that Mike Morse sent in. It was ''I Like To Lick On Robin's Nipples'' to the tune of The Beatles ''Eleanor Rigby.'' Robin said that wasn't some of his better work. Howard had to go to break a short time later. They went out on Dan the Song Parody Man's ''Everybody Douche Now'' song parody.
Howard said he had some audio of Patty Lupone going off on some guy during her performance of ''Gypsy'' recently. Some guy took a picture during the start of the show and she stopped it and went off on the guy. Howard played the clip and Patty freaked out on the guy saying that they had made an announcement at the start of the show about taking pictures. Then she had the guy thrown out but wouldn't stop going off on the guy. She said that he took 3 pictures even though he was told not to.
Howard said that this was some guy who cared enough about her to take a picture. He said he wouldn't know who the hell she was if he saw her. Robin said that the people love it when anything out of the ordinary happens at those shows. That's why they were cheering her.
Howard said that was a hell of a way to break the fuckin' mood in the show. Howard said that you forget that she's supposed to be in this play. Howard said that maybe she could have waited until a break to have the guy kicked out instead. She had to break the whole mood of the show. Artie said he'd want her to keep yelling at people.
Howard said his mother once yelled at him for leaving his t-shirt on the bed and Patty yelling reminded him of that. Howard said that she would fixate on that one thing and just keep going off on him. Howard said she'd ask him how he could do such a thing to her. Howard did his impression of his mother and explained how that would go.
Howard said that was like the time Sal's wife went off on him about holding the dog the wrong way in their family picture. He played that audio where she flipped out on Sal about the way he was doing things. Howard said that's tough to take when a woman goes into that high voice and freaks out on someone. Howard said that it shows how powerful pussy is though. Guys will put up with that just to get some.
Howard asked Rich about the band and found out that he was 24 years old when he was in the band. Howard gave him a tissue because he was snotting all over the place. Rich thanked him for that and apologized for that. Then he said he was from Boston and Artie said ''We know...'' because of the accent.
Rich talked about this guy Lou Perlman who used to put bands like that together. Robin said that she knew Lou and he would put together bands like that all the time. Rich said that Lou wanted to bang all of the guys who were there.
Rich said that Lou was a big fat guy and he was just looking to get a bunch of boys in the room. He really wanted good looking guys to hang out with. He said that he never thought the bands were going to blow up but they did. He said that he only had the Backstreet Boys around him because he thought they were hot.
Rich said that Lou is in jail now for 25 years for swindling banks. Rich said that the guy had a nice house in Orlando and when some of the bands blew up he started buying hotels, cars and Rolexes. He said that he didn't get paid nearly what he should have because Lou was spending all of their money. Rich said that the guy was such a creep.
Rich said that he should have made 2 or 3 million dollars but Lou kept all of the money. He said that he thought he was going to get a publishing deal from Lou but all he got was a $20,000 deal from Lou. He said that he was going to take it but a friend told him that he could make a deal for $500,000 based on the hit song he had written. Rich said that he hired a lawyer and he was told that he could get a $750,000 deal. They had another top 5 song and he figured he could get close to a million. Then the lawyer came back and told him that his publishing had been sold already because Lou had a contract with him and he signed away all of his rights.
Rich said that Lou was awful and he was really creepy. Howard said he had him on the band once when he came in with the band O Town.
Howard asked him if he had to take off his shirt and stuff like that. Rich said that the first time he met the guy he had gone down with a friend of his. He said that Lou had everything that guys would like. He said that he had a really nice house with Star Wars stuff all over. Then he goes into the office and there's this fat guy with his shirt off just sitting there in his boxers.
Rich said that Lou ended up getting a guitar and asked him to sing some of his songs. He said that Lou asked him to come into his office and he was told that he could be a star. Lou asked him to take his shirt off after just knowing the guy for like 45 minutes. Rich said that he had never met a hustler like this before so he figured it was normal to do that. He said that Lou said that they could work on his body and make him a star. He had him turn around and that's when he started to feel weird. Then Lou took him out in his limo. He said that the guy driving the limo turned out to be the third guy in their group.
Rich said that they went to the N' Sync house and the guys were all hanging out there. He said he wondered what the hell was going on when they got there because it was such a weird set up. Rich said that they were nothing at the time and he wondered what the fuck N' Sync was because they didn't have any hits at the time. Rich said that they all became friends eventually because they all knew that Lou was a creep.
Rich said that they didn't go to meetings alone with Lou because he is so creepy. Artie said that sounds like someone else they know and threw out ''Neverland...''
Rich said that he would get paid every 2 weeks and he'd have to go pick up his check from this office. Then he'd have to go to this guy Bob because they would have the wrong amount on the check. Lou would tell them to send him over to his house and he'd take care of it. Rich said that he went over to the house and Lou would sit next to him and put his arm around him and ask him what's up. He said that the guy would start massaging his shoulders and ask if he wanted to watch ''Top Gun.'' Artie started to laugh his ass off when he heard that.
Rich said that Lou had this big movie theater in his house so they'd watch ''Top Gun'' and Lou would sit right next to him. He said that Lou eventually tried to grab him down there and he ended up freaking out and moving back to Boston. Rich said that if guys would go for it with Lou, he'd buy them cars and stuff. Rich said that Lou bought him a Lincoln Navigator one time but then he made him pay for it. He didn't tell him right away that he had to pay for it though. It was 6 months later that he found out he was being charged.
Howard asked Rich if he knows of anyone who actually fucked Lou. Rich said that Lou spelled it all out for him one time and there was no fucking going on. He said that Lou just wanted to touch him. He said that Lou told him that he just wanted to touch his cock.
Rich said that Lou called the band, LFO, into a meeting one time and he wondered what the hell the guy was going to tell them now. He said that the Backstreet Boys were huge at the time and they had opened up for them. Rich said that Lou told them that they weren't huge because they worked hard. Lou claimed that there was a guy out there who was a media mogul who had helped them out. Lou claimed that this guy, Carl Leyton Pope, had made the boys in Backstreet Boys put out for him to make it big. Rich said that they could make it big if they just put out.
Rich said that Lou told them that he was going to help them do it by letting them practice on him. He said that Lou was punching stuff and freaking out like he was upset about it. Then Lou said that he didn't want to fuck them in their ass or anything. He said that Lou told them that all that other guy wanted to do was touch their penis and play with it. Rich said he had to get out of there at that point. Then Lou told them that he was a psychology minor in college so he could help them get through all of that.
Rich said that this was about 2 years after the band started. He said that they weren't doing all that great and one of the band members was freaking out over in Germany while they were there. He said they were there for 2 years.
Rich said that none of the guys said anything to Lou when he brought up that penis stuff. He asked them not to say anything to anyone about what he had told them. Rich said that he told them that they were never going to make it no matter how hard they worked. He said that the only way to become number 1 was to do this gay stuff with the guy in Germany. The guy that doesn't even really exist.
Rich said that he went crazy after all of this stuff. Howard said that he read that he dated Jennifer Love Hewitt for a couple of years. Rich said that he did. He said that he wasn't a big hit at the time though. He said that Jennifer was trying to get into that singing thing too. Rich said that was going back about 8 years or more. They both had the same publicist and they started talking and she was actually interested in what he was saying.
Rich said that after the Blockbuster Awards he got Jennifer's number and he was shocked. He said he was a big fan of hers and he was working at Blockbuster just 2 years before that. Rich said that it was amazing that she gave him her number. Rich said that he was so anxious about calling her that he couldn't wait. He ended up writing down a bunch of subjects to talk about with her when he did call.
Rich said that he did this thing for like 4 hours and had about 2 pages of notes. Then he called her and talked to her for like 2 hours. He used his notes the whole time. Rich said that they went out on a date about a month and a half later.
Rich said that he didn't have any money and Jennifer asked him to come out to L.A. He had to ask Lou for money so Lou invited him to go out there with him. Lou said he was going to be doing a movie out there and he invited him to stay in the same room with him. Rich said that he wanted all of the boys to go out there with him.
Rich said that he went out with Lou and ended up going out with Jennifer. He said that she was wearing like a ballerina dress with a Unicorn on it. He said that she was dressing pretty wild. He said that she looked hot but the outfit was kind of out of control. Rich said that it was Jennifer Love Hewitt so he didn't care. Rich said that she was totally into him and he couldn't believe it.
Howard asked if he banged her that night. Rich said that she asked him to stay at her house that night but he played it cool and didn't go over. He said that he was so freaked out that he had to regroup and think about what was going on. He asked to stay at the publicist's house instead of with Lou. Rich said that Jennifer wanted to pick him up at 7 in the morning and she wanted him to go with her to hang out all day. Rich said that he was out there for her so that was fine with him.
Rich said that he was really nothing and he wondered why she was so into him. He said that she showed up at 7 in the morning, gave him a Mentos, and went off to get her hair done. Rich said that he was in her tiny Mercedes and tried to come up with stuff to talk about. He said that she was making all of the conversation though. He said his head was spinning from it all.
Rich said that he had to park Jennifer's car for her. He didn't know his way around the place and he's an awful driver. Rich said that he did it anyway and drove around the block trying to find a place to park. He said that he was sweating bullets the whole time.
Rich said that he sat down in the hair salon and she introduced him to everyone. He ended up staying there for like 3 hours with her while she read magazines. Howard said he would have rather have been with Lou at that point. Rich didn't care, he was with Jennifer Love Hewitt.
Rich said that they went out for coffee and to an audition. Rich said that he wrote a bunch of songs to her back then and he was so lame for doing that. Howard asked what it was like banging her. Rich said that she made him wear two condoms. Howard got a laugh out of that.
Howard said that he heard that it's more dangerous to wear 2 than just one. Rich said he heard that later on too.
Howard gave Rich a plug for his new album that you can get on his web site RichCronin.net. Howard said he heard that he had Leukemia. Rich told that story as well and said that the doctor thought he had Mono but it turned out to be this AML. He said that it was supposed to kill him in weeks but he ended up living through it. Rich said that he has good luck. He said he went through chemotherapy and it went away for about a year. Then it came back and he was told he needed a bone marrow transplant.
Rich said that they went through the chemo thing again and went through all of that. Then he had a stroke from the treatment they were giving him. He said that they put the chemo in his arm and fell asleep. they asked him to sit up and he wasn't able to sit up. He said that everything felt weird and he wasn't able to sit up. He said his face started to droop and wasn't able to get up. They were giving him this IVHG stuff and he thinks that's what caused it. Rich said that he got the bone marrow transplant and he thinks he's over the leukemia.
Howard asked Rich about banging Jennifer Love Hewitt. Rich said that she asked him to wear the two condoms. He said that he couldn't believe that it was happening. He had nothing bad to say about her. He said that she was fully shaved down there and she looked great. Rich said that she did end up cheating on him though.
Howard said that it turned out that she was banging a bunch of guys. Rich said that Jennifer gave him an infinity ring one day. She said that she had never done it before with anyone. Rich said that he thought she was really in love with him. He thought they were going to get married. Howard said he was going to be Mr. Jennifer Love Hewitt.
Rich said that he eventually did this reality show called ''Mission Man Van'' which was the worst show ever. He said that he was talking to this guy Jeff Timmons and he told him that they had something in common, Jennifer Love Hewitt. Rich said that he had asked her about that and she always denied it. Then the guy told him that she gave him one of those infinity rings. Rich said it was really rough for him and that was just 2 years ago.
Rich said that Jennifer ended up dumping him. He said that he got a call from a record company guy who told him that he had to read the latest Us Weekly. Rich got the magazine and saw that Jennifer had been in New York City and she had been with like 7 guys. Rich said she had been with some guy on Broadway and he had gone to the play with her. She was with this guy Patrick Wilson and she fell for him that night that they went to the play.
Rich said that he tried calling Jennifer about the story in the magazine. He said that he asked her about it and she told him not to call her at work with stuff like that. He said that she didn't want to discuss it with him and hung up on him. She didn't think he should believe what he was seeing. Rich said that Jennifer called him and he could tell that she rehearsed the whole speech. She put everything on him and told him that she had to go do the Tonight Show. Rich said that she was a great girl though and he really didn't have anything bad to say about her.
Howard asked Rich if he did anal with her. Rich said no to that but yes to 69. He said that she was just out there doing her thing. Howard asked if he had a dirty name for her. He said that he called her pussy ''missy.'' Howard said he'll use that if he ever gets her. Artie asked if Jennifer is working. Robin said that she's doing that TV show ''Ghost Whisperer.''
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Rich if he had gotten ''Lou-Kemia'' from swallowing Lou's load. Howard said that he just can't get away from that ''Lou'' name with the Leukemia and stuff.
Howard gave Rich some more plugs and said you can find out more at his web site RichCronin.net. Howard played some of his latest single after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the interview was awesome. The guy also asked if Jennifer's tits were real or fake. Rich said they're real. Howard said that Rich seems to be in love with her. Rich said that she's a great actress and she even had him fooled. Howard asked how the titties looked. Rich said that they looked good back then. That was 8 years ago though. He's not sure how they look now.
Howard started to wrap up with Rich and gave him some more plugs for his web sites and new album. Howard took some more calls and let a couple more callers ask questions. One guy asked if he could hang out with him and maybe get some pussy shrapnel. Rich said that he's not getting any right now and he needs people who have some to send some shrapnel his way. Howard went to break a short time later after Rich talked about what a great guy Kidd Chris is.
Howard had Gary bring in the Stump the Booey couple. He said that this guy and the girl he was with used to date. Howard said that it was Jenna and Chuckles. Howard said that's an unusual name for a guy. Howard was having some trouble setting up the microphones. He wasn't able to get it to work.
Howard figured that Scott the Engineer hated him for not labeling the stuff the right way. Scott told him why he labeled the stuff the way he did so Howard just kicked him out of the studio. Howard told Scott to label the stuff on the board the same way it was labeled on the podiums. Scott had reasons for doing it the way he did but Howard didn't get the logic.
Gary said that he was listening to Scott on the History of Howard and he's been there since 1986. That led to Fred playing Richard's ''Scott The Engineer's Fuckin' Up Again'' song parody.
Howard asked Chuckles what was up with his name. Chuckles said he's had that name since 7th grade. Howard asked him about breaking up with Jenna. He said that he broke up with her because she was being a cunt. Jenna admitted that she probably was a cunt because she just bitches and complains a lot.
Howard said that Jenna was going to be nude if Chuckles loses. Howard asked her what she does for a living. She said she works in a bowling alley because she loves balls. Ha ha... Howard asked her about claiming that she's orgied. She said that she's kind of a nympho. She said that she's not having sex as much as she'd like to these days.
Howard asked Chuckles about being a photographer and found out that he's banged some chicks that he's photographed. Jenna was saying that she would bang anyone in the studio except for Artie. Chuckles said she told him in the elevator that she would blow Artie for $500.
Howard moved on to the game and said that the grand prize was courtesy of a Pay-Per-View event called Affliction: Day Of Reckoning. Howard had Jenna get naked behind a curtain so they could be prepared for when Chuckles loses. Howard found out that Jenna was an A-cup and figured she was good looking if she wanted to show it off to guys.
Howard asked Jenna when she started having sex. She was 15 and she's only 20 now. Howard said that she was completely undressed at that point.
Gary said that they were going to play songs and they both had to write down the name of the song and the artist. Chuckles said that he has played along at home and he beats Gary there. Howard played the first song after that and the guys wrote down their answers. Gary had it already but Chuckles didn't quite have it. Chuckles had no title and thought it was Bananarama. It was actually ''In My House'' by the Maryjane Girls.
Howard said he was glad Chuckles got it wrong because he wanted to see Jenna naked. Chuckles said that they'd probably see her naked either way.
Howard played the next song and let the first line of the song play. Gary didn't know the song. He thought it was Heaven by Warrant. Chuckles didn't know it either. It was actually ''When I'm With You'' by Sheriff.
Howard played the next song and Artie was saying that he's glad he was drugged up during the 80s when those songs were hits. Howard asked Jenna if Chuckles gave it to her good when he was banging her. She said that he was good for an Asian guy. She said that he was average size too. Howard told Jenna that they were all going to bang her if Chuckles lost too.
Howard asked Gary for the name of the song and he didn't know what it was for sure. Chuckles didn't know it either. It was a Cutting Crew song that Gary actually did have the title to. He just missed out on the artist.
Howard played the next song and the guys were wondering who picked out the songs. Jason said that he and Jon Hein picked them out actually.
Howard said that Chuckles wasn't writing down anything. Gary wrote something down. Chuckles had nothing. Gary had ''It Might Be You'' by Christopher Cross. He had the title right but the artist was wrong.
Howard played another song that was an easy one for most of the crew. It was ''Modern Love'' by David Bowie and both of them got it right. Gary won the game with 2 right answers though.
Howard told Jenna that they were going to lift up the curtain. They did that and the guys said that she was tattooed heavily and her boobs were good for A-cups. Howard said that she was a very sexy girl. Artie said she had a great ass.
Gary said that she might be willing to ride the Sybian. She said that she was up for that. She had one tattoo of her uterus on the front above her ''missy.'' Howard asked her what else she had on her. She had a mushroom from the Mario video games.
Howard had Jenna go over to the Sybian. He had a $500 prize courtesy of TSS-Radio.com that he was going to give them for coming in. The guys set up the Sybian with a new rubber piece and Jenna asked if she could do it in her ass because she's on the rag.
Howard told Jenna to never get implants because her boobs look good the way they are. Will said she had her vag' pierced. Jenna hopped on after spreading her cheeks. She said that it felt pretty good so far. Howard told Gary to jack up the power so they could get the party started.
Howard asked Chuckles if he missed her. He said that he did. Jenna said that she didn't think this was as good as she was expecting. Howard told her that she was probably making a mistake. She asked to see Artie naked to get some visual stimulation. Artie said that maybe later he'll do that. Jenna said that she was getting itchy. Howard told her that Joan Rivers will be sitting on it next.
Howard told Gary to give her 100 percent power. That wasn't helping. She didn't seem to be into it at all. Howard told her that she might be worn out at a very young age. She said that's just not true.
Howard had Gary turn off the Sybian since it wasn't doing anything for her. She said it was intense but Gary said ''not for us.'' Gary asked her if it felt good at all. She said the lower settings felt better.
Howard asked Jenna what she does like. She said she likes sucking on balls while just sitting around watching TV. She said that it's relaxing and she'll do it until she gets bored. She said she'll do that while watching a movie or something. Howard asked Chuckles if he had that happen to him. He said he did and he still broke up with her.
Artie asked what Jenna does at the bowling alley. She said that she's a bus boy. She said that she gets hit on but she doesn't go out with any of the guys.
Howard was wrapping up with the guys but Chuckles said that Jenna wants to get her teeth fixed and they're willing to do anything for money. He said that they could throw meat at her, throw her in the tickle chair or something like that. Will said he heard that she would be good in the tickle chair. Howard said they could give her a few more bucks for that. Jenna said she hates being tickled.
The guys pulled out the tickle chair. While they were doing that Chuckles was asking Robin out. Robin wasn't having any part of that.
Jenna got into the Tickle Chair and Howard asked her when she got tickled last. Jenna said that she didn't remember. She said that she's been tied down and tickled before. Howard asked her if she thinks that she can withstand the tickling. She said that she might be able to do that. She said she's ticklish all over. She started to giggle as soon as the guys went in to touch her. They started to tickle her but she wasn't really laughing very hard. Robin said she was squirming around a lot.
Chuckles went in and started tickling her and she started to laugh. She ended up breaking loose within a few seconds. Howard ended it after that and gave them their $1000 prize that came from TSS-Radio.com. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said that the last time Joan was on he embarrassed her about her wedding gift to them. Joan said that she doubled it and she's going to call her assistant if he didn't get it. Howard said that he didn't get it.
Howard read that Joan has osteoporosis now. He asked if that's where you get the hump back. She said that you can't tell because she wears a back pack. Howard said he can't believe what's happening to her. He told her that it might be time to just end it and lay down. Robin told her she's lived too long. Howard said that the longer Joan lives the less money Melissa is going to get.
Howard said that Joan has written a new book and she claims that he's spent $80,000 on plastic surgery. That sounded low. Howard also found out that she had breast reduction surgery. Howard asked if her tummy tuck caused a big ring around her stomach. Joan said that she had a hysterectomy one time and she asked them to do the tummy tuck at that time.
Howard said that Joan suggested to Gary that he have his wife get one after she had her baby. Joan said that it's a good time to have it done.
Joan said that this book, ''Men Are Stupid . . . And They Like Big Boobs: A Woman's Guide to Beauty Through Plastic Surgery,'' is serious but told in a humorous way. She talks about how to find good plastic surgeons and stuff like that.
Howard said that Joan forced Melissa to get a nose job at 18. Joan said that she had her old nose and it was too thick. She wanted her to get it done so that's what she did. Howard said he didn't think that was right.
Howard said that he had a miracle in his life, all of his kids have perfect noses. he said that they're all beautiful little noses.
Howard said that he was shocked that Melissa didn't want a nose job and Joan made her do it. Joan said she's fine with it now. Howard asked if she had a boob job too. Joan said that she didn't. Joan said that Melissa is anti-whatever she does. She has natural boobs.
Howard asked Joan if she grounds her daughter when she doesn't do things that she wants her to. Joan said that she doesn't do that. She said that being pretty is everything to her. Joan said that she'd probably be a librarian somewhere if she didn't have that nose job at 18.
Howard said that Joan is saying that looks are everything. Joan said that it's looks and youth. Joan said that she taught her daughter all of that as well.
Howard asked Joan why she thinks so many people fell for that Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme. Joan said she thinks that whole thing is hilarious. She pictures him saying ''Hellu Hellu, give me your money.''
Howard asked Joan about all of the people she knows that fell for the Madoff pitch. Joan said that she never fell for it herself. She said that everyone that got ripped off are all upset that they have very little money left. She said that it's really breaking their hearts. Howard said that it is a terrible thing that he ripped off charities and all of these people.
Howard said that Joan is a terrible person and she was even making fun of him at his own wedding. Joan said that she had a good time there with Robin. Howard said that Joan went to the 60th birthday party for Prince Charles. Howard asked who else was there. Joan said that there was a lot of royalty there. She said that she was just a guest there and didn't have to perform or anything.
Howard asked Joan what happens at this party. She said that she went to Buckingham Palace and it was insane. She said that the queen was there and she spoke to her. Joan doesn't think that she cares for her much though. Joan said that she's just a Jew commoner who was at the party. Joan said that the party was amazing. She said that the food was fabulous. She said there weren't any bottles of $800 wine there. Howard said that even they don't have that stuff there.
Joan asked Howard what he thought about Michelle Obama's dress yesterday. Howard said that the person dressing her should be shot. He said that she's looking terrible and she's really not a terrible looking person. Joan was happy that Howard agreed with her on that. Joan said that last night she thought Michelle looked like she was picking cotton in the dress she was wearing.
Howard asked what kind of surgery Joan thought the Obama's should get. Joan said that Barack should pin his ears back.
Howard said he was watching the red carpet for the Golden Globes and he saw Lisa Rinna and Ryan Seacrest doing their thing. He said it must be killing her that she's not included in that. Joan said that they (Joan and Melissa) miss doing that. She said that she won't even watch it but she's not bitter about it. She said that she can read about it in the paper the next day instead.
Howard asked Joan why she thinks that they don't ask her to do those shows anymore. Joan said she really doesn't know. She said that she doesn't think that she was hard to work with or anything like that. Howard said he heard that her tits were too small after the reduction.
Howard gave Joan a plug for her book ''Men Are Stupid . . . And They Like Big Boobs: A Woman's Guide to Beauty Through Plastic Surgery'' and said that she'll be signing some of them up in New Milford, Connecticut this weekend.
Howard asked Joan what the biggest plastic surgery mistake was. She said it was liposuction she had done by a guy who she hadn't checked out first. She said that it came out kind of lumpy on her thighs. Howard said he wants to see her naked to see what's going on there. Joan said that he should just think of his grandmother and add 12 years. She said that Aretha Franklin looks better than her at this point.
Howard asked Joan if she's gotten laid lately. Joan said that it was about 6 years ago. She said she's got nothing going on now. She doesn't want to date 85 year old men at this point.
Howard asked Joan when she last played with herself. She didn't want to talk about that stuff with Howard. Joan said that everyone is a sexual person until they die. Howard asked if she uses fingers or toys. Joan said that it was toys. She keeps them right next to her bed and her housekeeper has no idea. Howard said he can't believe that she has toys at her age.
Howard gave Joan some more plugs for her book signings. He said that she's also got a novel out called ''Murder at the Academy Awards (R): A Red Carpet Murder Mystery'' that is out now.
Howard asked Joan about Barack Obama and found out that she thinks he's adorable. She made a puking sound when Howard asked her about Caroline Kennedy. Joan isn't a fan apparently. Joan said that Hillary Clinton should be upset about Kennedy's appointment. Joan said that she's too good for the room when she's around. Howard said he loves that Joan is such a bitter woman.
Howard gave Joan a plug for her appearances at The Slipper Room next month. Joan said that she was working at The Cutting Room and they had to close that down. She thinks that they're going to be closing up the Slipper Room after she appears there too.
Howard took a call from Dominic Barbara who said that he has a plastic surgery question for Joan. Dominic said that he wants to know if he should get a tummy tuck. Howard said that he was a former fatso who had the band on his stomach. Dominic said he lost about 120 pounds and he's kind of scared of that surgery. Joan said that it's an operation so you can't be a fool about it, but of course he should get it done. Joan said that you don't want to look in the mirror and go ''bleh.'' Joan told Dominic to check out the surgeons before you commit to them. She said that he should go to 3 guys and check them out very well.
Howard said he knew a guy who lost about 200 pounds and he gained it all back eventually. Dominic said that he's gone through it and he's keeping the weight off. Joan told him to keep himself thin and he'll be so happy. Dominic said that he's got to go out running right now. Howard said that he'd pay for a tape of Dominic running.
Howard and Robin ended up talking about the wine controversy that they discussed yesterday. Howard said that he talked to his therapist about that and even he was saying that Robin's anger came out with that purchase. Howard said that the guy told him that he was at fault for not asking Robin what wine it was that she had ordered though. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said that Artie is asleep in the green room. He said that Benjy was suggesting that they have him take a drug test. Benjy doesn't think that he took heroin. Robin said that he had to have done something because he's sleeping at work. Howard said he didn't want to wake the guy up.
Howard said he had a bunch of things to play. He had a clip of Beyonce getting all emotional at the inauguration. Howard said that it really was a big day and he can understand why people would get emotional. Howard said he got chills and got emotional for the country and the hope this guy is giving. Howard said it was a good day.
Howard played the audio of Beyonce getting all upset during the inauguration. She was talking about how proud she was of the country and how Barack was born for this. She started to cry during that interview as she was talking about how this was the most important day of her life.
Howard said he understands how she feels. Howard said that he never thought we'd see an African American President. He said that it really is a big deal.
Howard brought up Ross Zapin and his wife Melissa. Melissa sang at his wedding and some people thought that she was really good there. Howard said that some people have told Melissa that she's terrific. Robin said that she dragged Melissa around to meet these people there because she just wanted to hide. Donald Trump offered her a job to perform at his place in Palm Beach, Florida. Howard said that Regis was there and he gave her a shout out on his show today. Regis wasn't able to remember her last name though.
Howard played the clip of Regis giving Melissa a shout out on Regis and Kelly. Regis was telling Kelly about the night he had down there. Kelly didn't remember her name either. She's actually going to be singing at Carnegie Hall in May according to Regis.
Howard said that it was Melissa Zapin. He said he was glad that she got a mention on the show even if they forgot her last name.
Howard asked why Artie fell asleep. Gary said that Artie just went in during the break and said he was tired. He said that he just shut the door when he went in there. Gary said that Artie was supposed to be getting back from that ''rehab'' that he was at in two days. He didn't stay there that long.
Howard said he had a lot more to get to but he might hold off until tomorrow. He said he might get to some of it during the news.
Howard said he had a new Underdog Lady phony phone call that he had to play today. The guys took audio clips of Underdog Lady and made some prank calls to a guy who told her that she had the wrong number. They had Underdog Lady yelling at the guy as if he were Howard. The guy kept telling her that she was wrong and hanging up on her. They just kept calling back with more clips.
Howard said that he heard that Tim has set Underdog up with another big show. He said that maybe they'll promote it this time so people know to tune in.
Howard said that there was a lot of feedback about the Steve and Dan fight yesterday. He read through some of that. Some fans were going off on Steve and some on Dan. Some of the fans were saying that they should tail Steve and report on his every move. Some people think that he made a mistake hiring Langford.
Howard said he thought there was something to that Steve thing but then he read the feedback about Dan. The fans were going off on him about borrowing money from Artie. Some people told Dan not to borrow money from someone who is on the air on a company that's got 20 million subscribers.
Howard said that it was pretty much 50/50 with the feedback about Steve and Dan. Howard said that Robin also took some crap for wearing a fur coat the other day. Howard said that the fans went off on her for wearing the fur when she claims to be a Vegan. Robin said that she got that coat a couple of years ago. She said that she didn't want the animals to have to die in vain. Robin said that she does wear things from animals so maybe she's not a vegan. Howard said that she's just eating healthy.
Steve said that they were alarmed and saddened when they read an obituary in the paper about a 90 year old Artie Lange having passed away. They also have a story about Big Foot celebrating his 51st birthday and having food poisoning.
Steve said that High Pitch Mike is very anti-Obama and he's written a letter to him. Howard said that he heard that Mike refused to even watch the inauguration yesterday while everyone else in the room was watching it. Steve said he doesn't know if that's the case or not. He said he was busy watching the TV himself and not watching what Mike was doing.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down his list of subjects for today's show. They talked a little bit about Rich Cronin's interview and about the Stump the Booey game chick. Benjy thought she was kind of plain looking but when she got naked she was hot. They were also talking about Artie napping in the green room. Robin said that Artie said he couldn't take a drug test because of the advice he got from an entertainment lawyer. She said she thinks she knows what's going on there.
Fred said that he noticed that Artie's nose was stuffed up early this morning. Howard said that happens to him sometimes too. Fred said he won't jump to conclusions then.
Howard said that Steve Brandano was there as well. He was in to promote the Intern Show that's on tonight at 7pm on Howard 101. Steve said that JD is going to give his thoughts on the female interns. He said that they have some other stuff coming up on the show as well.
Robin had some news about a person who was knifed at a movie theater out on Long Island. Robin also had a story about a woman who took a cab to the airport and her credit card didn't work. She didn't have any cash and she got upset when they took her iPod. Howard said he saw that girl and she was very attractive. Howard said that these cab drivers get stiffed all the time and he can't blame them for wanting to get paid.
Howard said that the girl probably wasn't looking to do anything wrong but the cab driver is probably looking at her as a dead beat. Robin said that the cops there actually made her give something up to the guy and that's why she gave up the iPod. That apparently made her cry. Howard said he thought it was a reasonable solution.
Robin read a story about a woman who ended up stashing mail in a storage locker because she was overwhelmed by the job. Instead of asking for help she stashed it. Howard said that he can't imagine being overwhelmed by a postal job. Howard said that there was a Seinfeld plot like that from what the guys were telling him.
Robin read about the inauguration of Barack Obama. Robin said that she hates saying ''African American'' because it makes her feel like she came from somewhere else. Robin said that he's not full black so he could be a white president as well. Howard said that maybe they should say that he is the white president. Howard said they could say that he's ''blite.'' Howard said that he wants to cry after all of this stuff. He said that the thing is that he looks more black than white so that's why they say he's black.
Robin had some audio from the inauguration that she had Howard playing. Robin said that they censored some of the speech in China. One artist in Belgium said he had nothing to parody with Obama.
Robin said that there were a lot of stars on hand for the inauguration last night and they had a lot of music to play. Howard said that they pulled the music so he could play it. They had Bruce Springsteen performing a song on Sunday. The guys talked about how draining it must have been on Obama and his family. They had to meet everyone and shake everyone's hands. The guys were also talking about Joe Biden's hair and how it looks like he had hair transplants or something. They talked about how hot his wife looked too.
Howard played some James Taylor performing at the Obama event. Howard played some Josh Grobin, John Mellencamp, Shakira, Stevie Wonder, Herbie Hancock, Sheryl Crow, Garth Brooks and others. Howard said that Garth Brooks changed the words to the song he was singing. Instead of singing ''good ol' boys are drinkin' whiskey and rye'' he was saying ''singing whiskey and rye.'' Howard wondered if they made him change the lyrics or if he did that on his own. Howard said he thought he sounded good in the song though. Gary said he thinks that it was a White House thing and they told him he can't say ''drinking.'' Howard played some more of the musical performances form Jon Bon Jovi, some old broad, Bono and others.
Robin read a story about Ted Kennedy passing out at a party yesterday. He suffered a seizure. That led to Howard doing his Ted impression a little bit. Robin said that they're saying that it was simple fatigue. Howard, as Ted, said that it was actually when he found out that there was an $800 bottle of wine ordered. Howard was doing his Kennedy impression for a few minutes and talking about why he passed out and why his friend Senator Byrd had gone to the hospital as well.
Robin had a bunch of stories that she went over about the Obama thing. She had a bunch of audio clips of people commenting on that. She had some stories about the various artists that were performing at the event. She had some audio of President Bush talking about not knowing what he's going to do now that he's no longer President. Bush said he just plans on relaxing. Howard said that's what he's done for the past 8 years.
Robin read a story about a kid who just died who was able to use sound waves to get around. He would have been 17 this weekend.
Robin read a story about an openly gay mayor who had to apologize for lying about something he had done with an intern. He had slept with the teen just 3 weeks after his 18th birthday.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about the wine bill and if he had to adjust his gratuity. Howard said that he does base it on the bill so he did have to leave extra money. Howard said he gave them a 50 percent tip. Howard said he told Beth that she may have to stay and wash dishes.
Robin read a story about another Mayor who had to resign when he was caught trying to set up a meeting with someone he thought was an underage girl.
Robin read a story about Chrysler making a deal with Fiat taking 35 percent of the control of the company. Robin also had some audio clips of Kevin James talking about where the name Paul Blart came from. Howard said that's like the name ''Ron Mund'' which he tells Ronnie is funny all the time. Howard said he thinks that Fred Norris is a funny name too.
Robin had some audio of Paula Abdul talking about her relationship with the new judge on American Idol. Robin said she thinks that there's something wrong with Paula and she's not looking so good. Howard said he and Beth thought just the opposite when they were watching the other night. They had to end the show a short time later, around 10:50am.
Gary said that Howard wasn't sure why he said yes to having the guy on but Will is good at picking up on how good a guest will be. He said that the Boston accent helped out a little bit too.
JD said that he likes Jennifer Love Hewitt so it was great hearing Rich's stories about her. JD said he's been in love with her ever since that ''Birds of Paradise'' thing. JD said that he likes hearing about the ''whorish'' type things she was up to.
JD said that Jennifer isn't his only celebrity crush. Lately it's been Katy Perry as well. JD said he thinks she's hot. He likes Alyssa Milano from years ago too. Gary said that's because she's almost 50 at this point. JD said that she's not that old.
Gary said that Rich was saying that Lou put those boy bands together just to have the cute boys around him but he ended up making some hit bands.
Jon had Teddy play a clip of Rich talking about the making of the band LFO. After the clip Jon said he believed everything he was saying about what went on with Lou Perlman. Gary said that he believed it too from what he's heard.
Jon asked JD if he was surprised at the way Jennifer Love Hewitt treated Rich. JD said that he didn't know that she was up to that and it was kind of shocking. JD said that he thinks that everyone is crazy at this point.
The caller said that Artie doesn't realize what Howard has done for him and this is really a slap in the face. The guy is just making it like he doesn't give a fuck. Gary said he loves Artie and there is a level of disrespect there but he's just following Howard's lead.
The caller said that maybe Howard doesn't want to make a big deal out of it because Artie might go on a binge and kill himself. Gary said he could be right but he's not sure if anyone has thought it through that much.
Jon brought up the Rolling Stone article and how rough it was on Artie. Gary said it was showing the bad side of Artie and not the good side. Gary said it was kind of one sided.
Benjy said that Artie is still asleep in the green room and Langford is still standing there waiting for him to come out. Jon said that Artie should be in a great mood when he comes out of there with Steve standing there.
Gary said that Scott DePace went in there and woke him up for a minute but Artie went right back to sleep. Another caller suggested that they have Sal and Richard go in and rub their cocks on Artie's face. Gary said that wouldn't be right and they'd have another Artie incident when he woke up and threw something at them.
The caller was saying that he's never known of anyone being allowed to sleep at work. Gary said that he's never known of that either but Artie has done it before. The caller said that he's got way too much freedom and he has to blame Howard for a lot of it. He should be cracking down on him and telling him to get to work.
Jon took another call from a guy who wanted to talk about Rich Cronin. He said that no one knew his song that Howard played when he came in but he bets that JD would know the song. He said that JD would probably deny it but he bets that JD would know all of those boy band songs.
JD came in so the guys asked him if he knew all of the guys in N Sync. JD said he knows the guys but he's not a fan of the band. He rattled off the names that he knew and he actually knew them all. The caller said that he knew JD was all over that boy band thing. The guy asked him to name the Backstreet Boys. JD said he knew some of their names.
Jon wanted to get out of the boy band vortex after that. He ended up asking JD why he knows so much about those bands. JD said that he watched a lot of TRL on MTV.
Benjy said that he was a big fan of Jenna's and thought she was really hot. Gary said that he's not a fan of the ink. He said that a little butterfly on a shoulder is cute, a giant uterus above your uterus isn't cute. They talked about some other tattoos that people have like Billy Joe from Green Day's baby Finster. Gary said he asked Billy Joe about that and he was told he wished that he could get rid of it.
Gary said he told his kids that they can do whatever they want with their hair or earrings but tattoos are a bad idea because you're stuck with them forever.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about the Stump the Booey game and why Gary is so angry and venomous. Gary said it's just a character he plays. He said that he just fucks around with people and it intimidates people. Gary said that the guy was such a nice guy that he didn't really get it back from him. Gary said he wasn't being the general jerk that he's been before.
Gary said that when the fans walk into the studio they freak out and get intimidated so the people that can get past that are the ones who will win.
Benjy said that he'd like to know what the listeners think because he thinks that they have to up the ante. He said they have to make it more edgy. The caller said that he was thinking that maybe they should up it a bit because there is still so much left to be done. Gary said he gets that and he'd like to hear more ideas from anyone who has any.
The caller was saying that he thinks that it's okay for Artie to sleep during the show. Gary asked him if he thinks that it would be okay if he took a nap like Artie. The guy said that Gary is doing more of the production work so he's in a different league.
Gary asked who else is in Artie's league. The guy said that they're all in different leagues so it's hard to say. He said that he loves Artie and he obviously needs some help. He said that they probably tolerate him because of stuff like this. He said that Artie is the clown or the fuck up on the show and that's just what he does on the show. The guy was able to relate to that stuff and he thinks that they could get him to stop. The guy said that he did coke almost every day for like 4 years but he didn't go to rehab. He said he got married and had kids, that's what did it for him.
The guys ended up talking about Artie again. Gary said that he's afraid that someone is going to come to Artie and tell him that it's enough already and he'll be out of there.
Jon took a call from another guy who said that it seems like Robin is taking credit for a lot of things on the show and she did that for Melissa Zapin today. Gary said that he noticed that but Robin was saying that she just brought Melissa out to push her out there so she could get to the next level.
Gary told the caller not to think that Artie is going to be fired either, he was just throwing that out there. He said that he doesn't want the people on SFN getting all worked up thinking he's going to get fired. Gary said that the people got all freaked out when he was playing with Sal telling him that Puerto Rico was a state recently and he's really not that stupid. Gary said he was just fucking around with Sal.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he thinks that Robin is very important to the show and they couldn't do without her. Gary said that the show is a lot different when she's out sick and she's very important to the show. Gary said that some days he thinks that he's okay on the air and then sometimes he sucks. He said that Robin is very important to the show. They had to go to break a short time later.
Sour Shoes' battery was going dead so the music kept cutting out. Sour was doing all kinds of wacky voices and stuff while he was doing the song intros. They told him to do just one more. Sour did a whole intro for the song and Gary got it within seconds. Jon said that they had to let Sour go after that. Gary said he used to do that for a half hour while he opened mail on Friday afternoons.
Jon moved on to talk about Joan Rivers. He said that Joan and Howard seem to have this special bond. Gary said they have her on like 3 times a year these days. Gary said that she was in to talk about her book and they show her on the cover of her book with fake tits. They talked about that a little bit.
Gary said that he thought that the $80,000 worth of plastic surgery was just for this year. She claims that's the total.
Jon asked Benjy if he thought it was okay for Joan to make Melissa get a nose job. Benjy said he wasn't sure about that because he's not sure about how or why she told her to do it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Joan hasn't been in the studio when Joan comes in. He said that he thinks that Artie might have a problem with her and he doesn't like it when she's in there. The guys said that Artie went out and slept the last time she was on. Gary said that Artie was actually in the studio during her interview, he left during the break after that. The caller was also saying that they should have this guy Jason Ellis on the show. The caller said that the guy loves them and wants to be on. He does a show there on SIRIUS in the afternoon. Gary said he's spoken to the guy and he does love them.
Another caller said that the whole Artie thing is out of hand and they should make it a level playing field. Gary said that's the thing, they don't have a level playing field there. He said that everyone has their own situation on the show and Howard is letting Artie do this stuff.
Gary said he doesn't want to nap during the show but he wonders how much Artie cares about the show when he goes to sleep in the middle of it.
Another caller said he enjoys Joan on the show but he disagrees with what Howard was saying about them being that great on the red carpet shows that they used to do. He said that they rarely knew who was on the red carpet.
The caller was also saying that he's been listening to Howard for many years now and he heard the Dumb as a Rock thing. He said that he thinks that they might be as dumb as a rock on the show because they think that Artie is having a sugar high and then crashing. The guy said that Artie is nodding out from being on drugs. Gary said that they know that he's not passing out from the cupcakes, they're just being ironic.
The guy was also talking about the day that they were messing with Sal about the Puerto Rico thing. He said he thought it was great when Brent called in and tried to correct them. The guy was also talking about the great replay they played on Monday of the April Fool's joke where they had replaced Howard's show with ''Cross and Lopez.'' Gary said that they did a great, bad morning show back then.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the Steelers going to the Super Bowl. Jon said that it's fantastic. The caller said that it really is great because the town is alive because of it. The guys spent a couple of minutes talking about football after that.
Jon said that it wasn't sports talk so he asked the guy what he wanted to talk about. The guy said that he thinks that Robin has become more vocal about her life on the show over the past few years. Jon said that he thinks that there have been a few things that Robin has said that have shocked him over the past couple of years.
Gary said that you can't take the show from 20 years ago and compare it to today's show. It's not a sitcom and they can't say that the writing has changed. Gary said that everyone has evolved and changed over that time. The caller said that he agrees that the show wouldn't be the same without Robin.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he has walked in Artie's shoes before. He said he was into opiates and Subutex and that stuff does get you high. The guy asked if it was true that Artie left to take a nap. Gary said that was what happened. The caller asked what they would do if Fred did that. Gary said they already went over that earlier in the show. Artie has his own rules there.
The caller said that he has been through that stuff himself and he thinks that Artie is just getting worse and worse. He asked if it's good for ratings or something or what? Gary said that this is all real and they don't do stuff for ratings. They're not having Artie do it just for entertainment's sake. The guy said that they have to give him some tough love. Gary said that he gave Artie some tough love and told him ''no more cupcakes on Wednesdays.''
Jon said that Artie is a 41 year old guy and he has to do this on his own. It's not their responsibility to make Artie do anything. The caller said that they need to give him a kick in the pants. Gary told the guy he's more than welcome to kick Artie himself.
Another caller asked Gary if he had to have a golf club fight to the death with Obama's wife, who would win. Gary didn't get the question or why he would be fighting Obama's wife. Gary said he thinks that Obama's wife is pretty but they're really not dressing her very well.
Gary said that he and the guys in the office were watching the inauguration yesterday and they kind of clapped when he was sworn in. Gary said that he's hoping that he does okay in office. Gary was saying that DePace is saying that he wants to see how he's doing and he just knows that he's going to come out and say ''See, I told ya...'' in a few months. The guys spent another minute or two discussing the inauguration before they had to end the show.
Howard started off the show saying that he was sitting there listening to the new Amy Fisher porno. He said that he had a revelation listening to that. He said that she's such a turn off to that kind of thing that he gets what a ''porn star'' means now. He said that she sounds like an amateur and she's doing an impression of a porn star. Artie said she seems to be a worthless human being.
Howard played some of the audio from the porno which is called ''Totally Nude and Exposed.'' JD had come in to tell him the name of the movie and kind of mumbled out the ''totally'' so they goofed on him about that for a minute.
Howard said that you require talent to be a porn star. Howard said he didn't get that until he heard this clip this morning. Howard said it makes sense now. He has a new respect for real porn stars now. He said that when you listen to it she sounds like she's saying the right things, she just doesn't have that thing that makes her a star.
In the clip Amy is talking to someone about what she wanted to do and she sounds like a robot reading her lines. Robin said that it sounds like she's reading off a teleprompter. She was also sitting in front of a fire and there was crackling going on behind her. Howard picked up on that and said that it was really annoying.
Howard played more of the audio and asked ''aren't you supposed to be in jail?'' as he was listening. Artie said that she sounds like Wood Yi to him. He also said that she looks hot but then you hear her and don't want to go near her.
Howard said he had some of Amy doing phone sex too. He played that clip and Amy picks up and tries to do the phone sex thing. Artie said that even the phone was a bad actor. It had an odd ring. Howard said he figures the guy on the other line is asking her ''Aren't you the shithead who shot Mary Jo Buttafuoco?''
Howard reenacted the scene as if he were the guy on the other end of the phone call. He was telling her she should go to jail as she was getting all worked up. He had Artie laughing his ass off. Artie got in on that and threw out a couple of lines too.
Artie said he's glad that Amy isn't a reality show star or anything. Robin told him that now she will be since he brought it up on the show. Howard joked that Mark Cronin had a call into her already.
Howard played another clip of Amy having an orgasm and she as sucking air in as she was breathing. Howard said that's really annoying. He did an impression of her doing that. He goofed on the noises that she and the other woman were making in the clip. Howard was wondering where you go when this porn career doesn't work out.
Howard said that his mom's phone sex was sexier than this clip. Howard played the prank call that the guys made using audio clips of him doing an impression of his mother having phone sex. In the clip Howard, as his mother, says that she's ''parting the hairs'' down there. He also keeps saying ''what?'' over and over in the call too.
Howard said that guy in the call is really at the bottom of the barrel. He said that he's even lower than Amy Fisher.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that bit may have been one of the best improv bits of all time. The caller told Artie to smoke weed and stop with the heroin because it's going to kill him. Artie thanked him for that.
Howard said that Oprah and Obama have been hanging out a lot. He said that our President seems to be working hard already and he's only been in office for a couple of days now. Howard said that he's done more in that couple of days than Bush did in 8 years. Howard said he went to work doing a bunch of stuff like preparing to get rid of Gitmo and calling other countries that are at war. Robin said that Obama is also working at turning Iraq back over to the Iraqis. The guys talked about some of the other stuff that Obama has done already and how much he's doing.
Howard said that Caroline Kennedy has withdrawn her name from the running to be senator from New York. Howard said that she got some criticism and she just doesn't have the backbone for it. Howard said she's never sought the limelight and the whole idea of her is better than the actual Caroline Kennedy.
Howard ended up going into his Ted Kennedy impression and said that they need a Kennedy in the senate. Artie was getting into the impression as well. Howard talked about how heart broken Ted was when Caroline backed out of the running. Howard had Ted crying over the whole thing. Fred was doing the Kennedy impression a little bit as well. Robin said that one of the rumors was that Caroline didn't want to be defeated and that's why she withdrew.
Artie said that he did stand-up in Cape Cod one time and the cops told him that they had a lot of stories about the Kennedy family. They said that they have a lot of unknown Kennedy's running around up there.
Yucko asked Robin if she's still fucking that young white guy. Howard thought he was talking to him. Yucko said that Robin has dated more crackers than Nabisco. Artie told him to go back to the drawing board after a couple of those jokes.
Artie said that he was invited to do a benefit thing for Yucko. Yucko was calling him names and goofing on him though so Artie said he wasn't sure he was going to do it. Yucko told him he doesn't have to do it. Artie told him he'll be there.
Howard got back to the Amy Fisher clip since Yucko brought it up. Howard played one where Amy and her Husband were doing a scene. Howard said that the husband isn't in it much but that's what he wants to hear. Amy was playing with a vibrator in the scene and had her husband helping her out with that. He asked her how it would work on her tits. Howard said he might buy the tape just for the husband. He thought the guy great in the clip. Fred did an impression of the guy that made him sound like Elmer Fudd.
Artie said that it sounded like they were in the bathroom of a Best Western or something. Howard said that their marriage seems to be working out very well from what he can tell.
Howard asked JD if there's any other clips of the husband. JD said that unfortunately there aren't. JD said there were some other clips to play but not with that guy.
Howard played another clip where Amy was doing the phone sex thing. Howard pretended he was the guy on the other phone and had a whole conversation with Amy. He was responding to everything she was saying on the phone.
Howard said that it is amazing that she was just in prison a few years ago and now she's making porno. JD told him that he had the audio of the escort that Amy was calling in that scene. He said that she was kind of cute.
Howard said that Amy is like Madonna because she keeps reinventing herself. Howard said that she shot a woman, then she went to prison and then got out and reinvented herself as a mother and wife. Now she's a porn star.
Howard said that the next Amy Fisher video should be her getting it on with other notorious women who have gone to jail. They threw out a bunch of names of women that she could get it on with. Howard said that her husband may loosen up some day and let her bang that guy who shot up the Long Island railroad... Colin Ferguson. Howard said that they could get a serial killer to fuck her too. Robin said the ultimate would be pairing her up with Charles Manson. Artie said that David Krief's head must be exploding hearing all of these ideas.
Howard said that the amazing thing is that everyone keeps telling Amy how gorgeous she is. He was playing another clip where the escort was telling her she was hot. Howard said that it's always great hearing Amy getting pleasure from people. JD said that she's the only one who does get anything, she doesn't return the favor to the other people.
Howard had another clip of Amy trying on underwear and getting horny. He played that and she was doing that air sucking thing again. Howard did an impression of her doing that and said that's like her ''Er-uh.'' Howard said it would have been great if they could have teamed Amy and OJ Simpson up for a porn.
Howard said that Amy is almost like Darth Vader with that breathing thing. He did an impression of what it would sound like if Amy was playing Darth Vader. Howard got back into the clip and listened to Amy talking about her underwear and getting turned on. She kept sucking in the air so Howard would make the sound after she would and goofed on her about that over and over again.
At one point Amy said that she was going to ''fuck myself'' so Howard and Artie talked about how she's probably been told to do that for many years and she's finally doing it. Howard kept doing the air sucking thing and Robin said that she's like ''Darth Amy.'' Howard did his impression of Darth again and Fred played some SCUBA sound effects in the background as he was doing that.
Howard said that was Amy fresh out of prison and right into porn. He asked how they can get this video. JD said that it's going to be on Pay-Per-View. Howard said that it's JD's job to watch that kind of stuff. Artie said that he has to watch that Eric the Midget show too. Howard said he had clips of that to play too.
Artie and Howard ended up talking about basketball for a couple of minutes after Artie brought it up. He said he was up watching some game last night. Robin said that the Knicks won their game last night.
Howard said he heard that Artie was on some Intern radio show. Artie said that they must have replayed that clip or something. He said that he did a show with an old intern over the weekend.
Howard said he thought Artie was so depressed about the Rolling Stone article that he was depressed. Artie said he was depressed. Robin said he was depressed after reading that article too. Howard said that Artie was in the gossip column in the Daily News today. Howard found that article so he could read that. In the article they quote Artie's article in Rolling Stone.
Howard said that the reporter wrote a rebuttal to what Artie was saying about her yesterday. Howard also read that article (Artie Lange: The Story Behind the Story). Artie denied ever calling that chick an ''uppity bitch'' like they said he did on the show.
Howard read the quotes from the reporter and she was saying that Artie had put vinyl records out just so she would see them. Artie said that he did buy them and put them out but he didn't care if she saw them. Howard read more of the quotes and Artie said that he thought the chick was okay and he didn't call her a bitch. He did think that the magazine article was kind of rough on him.
Howard said that the article was an eye opener. Robin said that it really did and what she read just floored her.
A caller told Howard that they were talking about Artie on the Wrap Up Show and they wanted people to call in if they can sleep at work like Artie does. The guy said that he does that because he runs a company where he can take a nap. Howard said that the guy doesn't sleep during a radio show though. He's just selling mobile homes.
Artie said that he could take a piss test today if they want him to. Howard said that Artie put a stop to that because he claimed his lawyer told him not to. Artie said that he swears he's not on drugs right now and he wasn't on them yesterday.
Howard said that Artie is going to be back on it and that's why he didn't want to do the piss tests. Howard told Artie that if he wants to take a month off he can hold down the fort without him. Artie said that he doesn't want to go to rehab. Howard said that the secret to getting off anything is saying that you're an adult and you're going to say ''no'' to yourself. Howard said he figures that Artie isn't beyond that yet.
Artie said that he got over the coke thing but this heroin is a worse thing. Artie said that there were 10 years between the coke and heroin. Artie said that the heroin fits his personality more than the coke does. He said that he doesn't mind the darkness in that drug like he did with the coke. Artie said he hated the way his life was on coke but the heroin is different.
Howard asked Artie how much money he's spent on this drug. Artie said that he can book a gig and make it all back in a week if he has a bender for a week. Howard asked how much he can spend doing that. Artie said that he could go out and spend 50 grand in a week. Artie said that a dime bag could cost him 80 to 100 bucks because he has it delivered. He said that his money isn't that bad.
Artie said that he doesn't like expensive clothes and shit and he doesn't take big vacations or anything. He said he doesn't spend money on all of that. He said he's fine with money right now but he knows that he could end up going back to the clubs when Howard leaves radio. Robin told him that he won't be able to do that if he's had a stroke or something from doing the drugs. Artie said he knows that.
Howard asked Artie about the nap he took and if that was just going to be a 10 minute thing. Artie said that he did think it was going to be a quick nap.
Robin asked Artie why he didn't say anything during Joan Rivers' interview. Artie said that he doesn't like her and thinks that she's a mean bitch. He said that they don't need him saying anything during her interview. Artie said that she doesn't even know who he is or even who Fred or Benjy are.
Gary said that he heard Artie say that Joan is one of those guests who just blows past him when she comes in. Artie said that William Shatner is the same way. He said that they're just old fashioned show business people and he's fine with that.
Howard said that he saw that in the e-mail and he thinks it's fine when Artie doesn't say anything. Artie said that he tries to bite his tongue during the Paul McCartney interview. He said he thinks he knows when to stay quiet. Artie said that Joan doesn't say hi to him so he's not going to say hi to her.
Howard said they have Will the Farter coming in to fart in his mom's face. He said that he somehow got her involved in the family business. Artie laughed when he heard that.
The caller, Pittsburgh Pete, told Artie that he's disrespecting the people who have wanted to be on radio for years. Artie said that he's been on the show for 8 years and he's sorry he fell asleep yesterday. The caller said that 2000 people just got fired from Clear Channel yesterday and Artie is sleeping in the green room. Artie didn't get what he was referring to.
Howard said that he was just reading about the Clear Channel thing. He said that there's an article about this guy who is leaving the radio business all together after being fired from WINS. The business is cutting back and there aren't enough jobs. Howard thought they were cutting 400 jobs but Robin said that it was thousands of people, not just 400.
Howard said that Clear Channel is full of bad people, in management not the workers. Howard said that he hates the way Clear Channel treated him. Howard said that the business sucks and he doesn't get how these stations can run without an on the scene general manager. He said that his old station let Tom Chiusano go and they have one guy overseeing like 5 stations. He wondered how that can work because Tom handled a lot of stuff at K-Rock when they were there.
Howard said that he can't imagine it all working out in the long term. Pete said that they had a Fox Sports show that was supposed to be the number one sports show in the country. Howard cut him off and asked how he knew that. Pete said he knows because he was a listener. Artie said that he might have to listen to that show but Pete said the guy is off the air so he can't listen.
Pete said that the sports talk guy was great and now he's gone. Howard said that overnight radio guys can claim that they're number one and maybe not be. He said Larry King used to do that.
Howard said that they've found out with this new people meter that music does better than talk. He said that they don't need all of these talk guys now.
Howard was going to wrap up with Pete but Pete was saying that everyone is sick of Artie and all of his fans hate what he's doing on the show. Pete said that his shows not selling out is because of the way he's acting. Fred told Pete that it's because of the economy.
Howard mentioned that Beth had interviewed Scott Baio so Artie was saying that's the kind of guy you have to worry about getting Beth. Robin said that Scott isn't all that. Artie said that his resume would disagree with her on that.
Howard said that Beth came home yesterday and she needed to be banged so maybe Scott did get her all worked up. Howard said she's also on that Show in the Hallway show on Howard TV this week.
Howard asked Artie if he has anyone running his career. Artie said that he's the one making the big decisions. Howard told him that he has to evaluate these things so he knows what he's getting into so he doesn't look like a douche bag. Artie said he has turned down a lot of stuff.
Howard told Artie he should find out who else is participating in that special and who is producing it. Howard said he needs to know how much of him they're going to use in the special because he may not have anything flattering used in it. Howard said he needs someone to look out for him and do the legwork for him.
Artie said that Howard might be jaded from being a big star in the business so long. Howard said that Don Buchwald believed in him and really backed him up in what he does. He said that Don pushed for him to be the first guest on Letterman and he trusts his judgment in all of that stuff.
Artie said that it is with A&E so it's legitimate. He's assuming that it will be a good documentary and he thinks that he has a lot of passionate things to say about the comedians.
Howard ended up replaying the Patty Lupone clip that he played yesterday. That's where she yelled at someone in the audience of ''Gypsy'' after he took some pictures that he wasn't supposed to take. She went off on the guy for a couple of minutes. Howard thought that it was great that she yelled at someone for taking pictures and someone else was illegally recording the whole thing.
Howard played a song parody that he had of Patty's yelling put in to Van Halen's ''Right Now'' song. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said he didn't know they were doing a song. Howard said he was just hearing about some funny stuff during the break. Howard said he was trying to figure out if they should put Will the Farter's mother on the floor or not so he can fart in her face.
Howard said that he had some other stuff to get to before bringing Will in. Howard said that he was going to give a shout out to the people who produce Battlestar Galactica. He said that the show was great. He said it's the final season for the show and he thought the first episode was great. Robin missed it and asked him not to spoil anything.
Howard said that he hates DVRs and loves his TiVo. Howard wondered why they don't put TiVo in cable company DVRs. He asked Jon Hein why they don't make it that easy with the cable company stuff. Fred thought that they could do it just like TiVo. Howard said it's not that easy.
Jon and Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about the benefits of TiVo and how the cable companies are very greedy and won't license that software in their boxes. Howard said that cable really is bad and they won't reinvest the money into that stuff.
Howard said he's going back to TiVo because he really hates these boxes that the cable companies give out.
Howard asked Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. She didn't come right in so Howard told her not to bother. Artie said he had a funny Scott DePace moment to talk about. He said that he was giving Scott a hard time about his shirt looking gay. He was starting to tell the story but Lisa came running in.
Lisa showed up so Howard asked her if she was taking a shit. Lisa said that she is going to the bathroom there after stopping for a couple of days. Howard asked if anyone has smelled her in the bathroom there. He asked her what time she takes her dump. She said that she does it between 7 and 8. Howard said that this is gross and guys don't want to hear about chick's shitting.
Vinnie Favale called in and told Howard that you can get a TiVo that has Cablecard abilities so he doesn't need that cable box. Vinnie said that he swapped out a box for a TiVo. Gary said that Vinnie is right because he has like 6 TiVo boxes in his house. Howard said he heard that you can't get On Demand stuff if you have a TiVo. Howard said that he doesn't want to go through all of this and it's too confusing. He thanked Vinnie for calling in about that. He said he doesn't want to lose On Demand.
Howard asked Lisa to get to her news preview. She said that they have an interview with the photographer that took Artie's pictures for Rolling Stone. He thinks that Artie may have done some type of drug during the shoot. Howard said that there's a lot of B.S. that happens during those shoots and that doesn't mean that Artie did anything.
Lisa said that Artie's mom didn't like the picture they used in his article either. Lisa said that Dr. Drew is also talking about Artie's latest Rolling Stone article and about Artie's drug use. Howard said he knows that Artie is using but he wishes him luck with his struggle and nothing else needs to be said about that. Artie thanked him for that.
Scott came in and said that he immediately said ''black'' and didn't pause that long. Scott said that being gay would be horrible and performing the act would just be awful.
Howard asked Scott about what he thinks about Obama so far. Scott said that the media is way too excited over him. He said that he's fine with him so far except for the whole Gitmo thing.
Howard said that there is hope with this guy and they have faith in him doing a good job for the country. Howard said that Beyonce was saying that Obama makes her want to be smart. Scott said that he's not doing that for him. Howard told him to shut up and listen. He said that when kids look at this guy it's giving him a John Kennedy vibe. It's making it cool to kids to be able to speak well and do good things with their life.
Howard said that he thinks that a lot of people who voted for McCain are even excited about this Obama. Howard said that Bush bankrupted this country. Scott said that wasn't Bush's fault and it was a bunch of other people who had to do with that.
Howard said he's ready for change. Scott said that he went to a restaurant yesterday and when he said he was doing ''okay'' the woman there asked him how he could be just ''okay'' after the whole Obama thing.
Howard played a new song parody about Robin from this guy Little Mikey. It was ''My Cock's In Robin's Vagina'' to the tune of ''Carolina In My Mind.'' Howard had another song parody about the $800 wine that they had out at dinner last week.
That led to Howard reading an e-mail he got from a wine expert. The guy was saying that the wine they got isn't rated all that high and there were better bottles on that wine list that were much less money. Robin said that she was put on the spot that night and that's it.
Robin said she took a double hit yesterday about the Artie article and about the $800 wine. Robin said that she had Howard's voice echoing in her head about his therapist. Robin said that she's not going to stand for it and she's going to get the money back to him in some way. Howard said that he's up for a BJ if she wants to pay him back for that.
Howard played another song parody called ''Robin Lick My Scrotum.'' He also had a clip of Robin having sex with Amy Fisher's husband. A listener created that clip by editing together some clips from the first Amy Fisher video and some Robin audio clips. Howard said that all of that was so very sexy. He played a ''Put Your Head On My Penis'' song parody after that.
Howard said that they had Will the Farter coming in next with his mom. Howard said he's a huge fan of Will's and he's going to tell Priscilla that she should be proud of her son. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard told Priscilla that he loves farts and what her son does. He asked her when she knew that he was special. She said she knew that as soon as he was born. She knew about the farting thing when he was about 12. Will said he started around 10. Howard said it's a very unique ability. Howard said that the length of time is phenomenal to him.
Priscilla said that Will had an operation when he was younger and he was afraid that he was going to lose his abilities. Howard asked what she was talking about. Priscilla said that she was worried about his farting because he was born without a rectal opening. Howard didn't know that. Will said he's talked about that before.
Priscilla said that Will was born and didn't go to the bathroom for the first 5 days. They had to give him a colostomy bag that he wore for the first 3 years of his life. She said that she had to go through a lot with that for 3 years.
Priscilla said that when they went to do the colostomy they almost lost him to a deadly virus that someone had given him. She said that he could have died back then. Howard said that this is an amazing story. He asked if the operation created this bionic ass. She said that could be it.
Howard said that every woman loves her son. Howard asked her if she thinks that Will is ''slow.'' She said that he was always quiet and in the hospital a lot. She said that he rejected the hospital and his life was all about the hospital in the beginning. Priscilla said that he hated her for making him go but they had to go.
Howard asked Priscilla if she knows what her son really does for a living. She said that he farts for Howard Stern. Howard asked her if she knows who he's doing it for. She said ''The queers?'' Howard said that the right word would be ''gay.''
Artie said that this is an incredible story. He said it would be like a guy being born without legs going on to be a great runner.
Howard asked Priscilla if she has ever done anything like she's doing today. She said she hasn't and she thinks her friends are going to tell her she's nuts. Howard said that Priscilla is going to lay on the floor and Will is going to fart on her face for 30 seconds. She's doing this to win some money.
Priscilla told Howard that Will talks about him all the time and he loves the show. Howard asked her if it was tough to get her on the show. Will said that she needs the money and he talked her into doing this. Priscilla said that the $1000 will help her get her car running. Howard said that the money is coming from TSS-Radio.com.
Will stripped down to the diaper he was wearing. Will said that it brings back memories from when he was a little baby. He also had a baby bonnet that he was going to put on. Howard said the diaper was cut out in the back so he could get the farts out. Priscilla said that he had better not squirt on her. She said that she would have to puke on him if he did.
Howard said that there is a chance that Will could have an accident. Will said that he hadn't gone to the bathroom since yesterday. Will said that he will be giving her full blast farts.
Howard told Priscilla that she had to stay still for the full 30 seconds and not pull away. If she pulls away from him then they have to start the 30 second counter over again. She was going to be laying on her back and Will was going to be on top of her.
Howard said that Will's mother is 70 years old. They had her lay down on the floor with a pillow under her head. Howard asked if she's married. She said that her husband lives in Iowa because they broke up. She said she has another man in her life though.
Howard had Will warm up a little bit. Then they had him get on top of his mother's face and start farting. She held still at first but then she moved so they had to reset the clock. Howard said that she was holding still again but then Will Murray said that her lip quivered so they had to reset the clock again. Howard had them do that and Will continued to fart on her.
Will Murray said that she moved again so they had to reset the clock once again. Priscilla was holding her breath and not moving when they asked her questions. She said that she knew that they would reset the clock if she said anything. Will ended up going right up to her face and farting right on her. Howard said that she was almost done and had just 3 seconds left. Then Will let out one big final blast.
Howard said that Priscilla looked woozy. She said that she wasn't thinking about it and tried not to think about the smell. Will asked her if she still loves him. She gave him a reluctant ''yeah.'' Howard said that the two of them look very much alike and Will is a chip off the old block.
Howard asked Priscilla if she ever thought this kind of thing would happen with her son. She said that she never did think of anything like this.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this is the most degrading thing that they've ever done on the show. Howard said that they've won $1,000. Artie told her that it should show up to her mail box by 2011 or so.
Howard told Will to come clean with what he does on his web site. Will said that he gets naked and farts for gay guys. He also said that he face farts a guy and sells that on the internet. Howard asked him what else he does on there. Will said he didn't want to tell her. Gary said that he would break the news to her if he wanted him to. Will said he would like to leave and not tell her himself. Will said that he's married and he's not gay.
Artie asked Priscilla what's wrong with her car. She said she's not sure, she has to bring it to a mechanic to get it checked out. Howard asked Will if he gets a boner on the web and shows that off. Will said he won't do that.
Howard told Priscilla that she should be proud of her son. He would be proud if he had son that did something like that. He congratulated Will on his abilities. Howard said that you can check him out at WillTheFaceFarter.net. Howard said he's also selling this Hand Farter thing. Will said that it's a thing you put in your hand to make fart sounds. He demonstrated that but it didn't make very good fart sounds. You can find that at HandFarter.com.
Howard tried the toy out and it wasn't really working. Will said that it's like an instrument and you have to learn to play it. He played it again but it still didn't sound very fart-like. Howard told him to demonstrate some real farts. Will let out some really nasty sounding farts after that. He had his mother cracking up laughing and gagging on the smell.
Ralph called in and asked why Will is so angry at his mom and why he has to fart in her face. Will said that he's not mad at her at all. He said that he just tries to help his mother out as much as he can. Another caller said that this is just wrong on so many levels. He said that it's great radio as always though. Howard said that maybe next time he'll masturbate on her. Priscilla didn't sound like she'd be into that.
Howard told Will that he's the Einstein of farts. He congratulated them on their $1,000 win from TSS-Radio.com. Howard gave Will some more plugs for his web sites. Artie said that he saw that it was ''Slap It Saturday'' this weekend where he's going to jerk off for any minority that's on his site. He was making it up and freaking Will's mother out.
Howard told Priscilla that Artie was just messing with her. Artie said he wasn't messing around, she has to know what he's up to. Howard cut Artie off and asked Will if he's appearing anywhere. Will said that he'll be out with Artie on February 13th in Easton, Pennsylvania. That show is sold out according to Artie. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and had Jose Canseco come right in. Howard said that Jose is going to be fighting Danny Bonaduce and he had him on the phone to talk about this. Howard said Danny had limited time to do this call so he had to get him on as quick as he could. Howard said that Danny is working a lot down at WYSP in Philly. Dnany is doing a show in the morning there then he goes and works out and then he goes back to do a show for Los Angeles.
Howard asked Danny if he ever naps. Jose said he will when he knocks him out. Howard said he heard that this is just a money making thing and they don't have any animosity toward each other. Jose said that he still thinks that he's going to knock Danny out even if he doesn't have a problem with him.
Howard said that Jose has fought and he has been beaten. Jose said that he's a black belt in martial arts and he almost kicked the guy with a front kick.
Danny asked if they should do a regular fight or maybe add feet to the fight. Jose said that he'd like to do kick boxing. Danny said that he doesn't think that Jose can beat him either way. He said that he was scared of him at first but now he's not afraid of his size or about his trainer. Danny said that Jose can add whatever he wants to the fight and he's not going to beat him.
Howard said that Danny is 5'6'' tall and Jose is 6'4'' tall. This is going to be an interesting fight. Jose said that he won't underestimate Danny. He said that he has done some amazing things.
Howard asked Danny how he's going to handle this. Danny said that he's very scared right now and he's the most scared that he's ever been. He said he's not adverse to pain and fighting though so he's going to be ready for this fight. Danny said he feels pain to let him know that he's alive and he's used to that. He said this is going to be the most exciting fight of his life.
Howard asked Jose if he laughed off the fight when he first heard about it. Jose said he didn't laugh it off because he fought Vai Sikahema and he wasn't much bigger than Danny. He said that Danny has more boxing experience than he has too. Jose said that he has marital arts training and a little boxing training. Danny said that if he does win the fight, he will grant Jose a rematch where he can use his feet.
Howard said he heard that Jose is broke. Jose said that he's just out there trying to make a living like anyone else out there. Jose made $45 million playing baseball. Robin asked him why that can't set him up for life. Jose asked her if she was kidding. Jose said that he made good money but 40 percent goes to Uncle Sam. Then he had to pay his wife $6 million in cash. He said that he took care of his family too and he always helped them out. Jose said that he's worth something but that 45 million is gone.
Jose said that he's still getting testosterone injections to keep him ''normal'; and it's not that much. Danny said that he's going to knock him out because he's about 3 times the levels that Jose is with the testosterone. Danny said that he's going to knock him out and then fuck him.
Howard said he read that Jose had to take testosterone to get his penis working again. Jose said that it was actually his balls shriveling up. He said that the penis gets stronger when you take steroids. Jose said that he lost muscle mass and his body changed when he got off the steroids. That's why he has to take the testosterone.
Danny had to run back to his show so he got in a few words before running off. He said he has nothing against Jose but he is going to try and knock his ass out. Howard asked when the fight is happening. Danny said it's this Saturday in Pennsylvania and you can get tickets at TicketLynx.com.
Howard asked how many rounds there will be. They have 3 rounds at 1 minute each. They have 90 second rests between the rounds. Jose said that he's going to play with Danny for a little while and then maybe knock him out later in the fight.
Howard said that Jose has this cigarette that goes in a test tube and it doesn't create any smoke. Jose said that it's called SmokingEverywhwere.com. It's not actually a cigarette, it creates a vapor but it's not smoke. It has levels of nicotine in it. Jose said that they have different tastes and they have different levels of nicotine.
Artie said that it doesn't have the kick of a cigarette. He was trying one but it was nicotine free. Artie wanted to try the nicotine one so he could see how it felt. Howard asked what it was called again. Jose got in some plugs for it and said that it's an electronic cigarette.
Jose said that his daughter wanted to take it to school and she's only 12 years old. He told her she wasn't taking it to school with her.
Howard said that the fight is going to be on GoFightLive.tv this Saturday at 10pm.
Howard asked Jose why he was busted for trying to smuggle in HGC from Mexico. Jose said he didn't know that it was illegal to do that and he wasn't trying to smuggle it. He said that it's actually a female urine that you can take to get your testosterone levels back to normal.
Howard told Jose that he should take Danny seriously because he really can fight. Jose said that he's taking it very serious.
Gary came in and asked Jose some baseball questions. He asked if he has been blackballed for what he wrote in the book. Jose said that players hate him and the baseball league hates him. Gary asked if he feels any guilt for that. He said that he talks about that in his TV show ''The Last Shot Jose Canseco'' and he apologized to the players for what he did. He was very angry at Major League Baseball and he took it out on the players.
Artie asked if he thinks that it's possible to keep a Barry Bonds out of the Hall of Fame. Jose said that if they do that then they should keep them all out. The guys spent a few minutes going back and forth on that subject.
Howard asked Jose if he's been training for this fight because he looks pretty relaxed. Jose said he is training and he knows that Danny is really scary. Jose said that there's no way that Danny is going to beat him though. He said that the last fight he thought was going to be an exhibition. He said that's not what it was and if he had known that it was going to be the way it was, he would have done things differently. He said that now he would take steroids and break the guy's jaw. He doesn't have any malice toward Danny. The other guy sucker punched him and he has malice toward him.
Howard asked Jose how his girlfriend is doing and if she's hot. Jose said that she was with him today and she was there the last time. He said that she's been working out with him and she's got some muscle now. Her name is Heidi.
Howard had Heidi come in and asked her if she got new boobs or something. She said that she didn't. Artie figured she was just wearing a tighter shirt. Jose said that they're up to some wild stuff in bed and she almost killed him the other night. Jose said that he's getting old and she's still young at 29.
Howard asked Heidi if she gets an orgasm from Jose. She said that she just had an amazing one last night. Jose told her to tell him what happened when he had no testosterone. She said that he was basically a useless, lifeless body. She said it was a big problem. Howard asked if she was blaming herself for that. She said that she did and then she got creative and imaginative with herself. She said she was getting bored and had to take her frustrations out in another way. She said that he was feeling like a woman during that time too so things weren't good.
Jose said that he had no interest in woman at all during that time. Howard asked if Heidi ever brought another woman or man into their life. She said that she didn't but she may have mentioned it. Howard asked Heidi if she was wearing panties today. She said she was so Howard asked Jose if he was.
Howard asked when this sex thing started up again. Heidi said that it was just in the past 4 weeks or so. Jose said that he was hoping to get Heidi pregnant eventually so he wanted to get back into the whole thing. Heidi said that she's not into that right now but in the future maybe. Jose said that's what he meant, in the future.
Howard asked Heidi about how things have changed with Jose since she met him. She said that she went into the relationship when he had a $2.9 million mansion and now they're living in a smaller place. She said that she's okay with that though.
Howard gave Jose some advice for the fight and told him to go right in and try to take Danny out. Heidi said that if he does lose, she's leaving Jose and may just go to Danny. Howard said that's one way to motivate him. Howard said that Danny can fuck with you and he shouldn't be taken lightly. Howard said that he has to get in there and fight.
Howard asked Heidi how big her boobs were. She said that they're D's. Howard gave Jose some more plugs and wrapped up with them a short time later. Artie was trying the fake cigarettes and he was kind of liking it. He said that it wasn't smoke and he was getting that nicotine kick. Jose said that the filters should last for about 3 or 4 hours. Howard said that it might be a good way to stop smoking. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said he had a clip of Eric on his own show where he refuses to talk and it's his own show. Howard said he wants to talk on this show more than he talks on his own show.
Howard played the clip from Tuesday night's show where Eric doesn't say anything and it just goes to dead silence. Howard said it sounds like when you listen to the astronauts up in space. He said that you can't wait to hear what he's going to say next. Howard said that it will go dead though. He played the clip and said that you have to hear how bad it is.
Howard said that this was Eric the Actor from his Idol show. Gina, his co-host, was asking Eric if he had anything to talk about. She had to beg him to say something, anything. Eric just stayed quiet. King, another co-host, tried to get Eric to speak but he would only say a couple of words and they there would be more silence. Eric asked what they wanted him to talk about. King told him that he was hosting a show there.
Howard said that his show is a disaster. He asked him what that was supposed to be. Eric said it's not a radio show, it's an interactive chat on the web. Howard said that Eric is saying that he'll just come in with a jab here and there.
Eric said that they even say that it's ''internet interactive chat'' and they tell him to tell Howard that's what it is. Howard said that they're urging him to chat and he won't. Howard said that Eric is extra blotchy today from what he heard. Eric told him to ''shut the fuck up asswipe.'' Howard checked out the video and said that it's almost a wine stain look on his face. Eric said he was in a bad mood today.
Artie came in and said it looks like he was bitten by something. He asked if it was an enormous spider. Eric told him to shut the fuck up too. JD said that Eric was doing his show last night and no one was asking any questions so the host had to ask them for those.
Eric asked where the clips were from last night's show. Howard had some of those so he played one where Eric opened the show. Eric gave a quick mention of what the show was going to be. King said that Gina was going to be late and he apologized for that. Howard asked how they liked that opening. JD said that he's not going to record the new shows since it's just the same things over and over again.
Howard played the opening of Tuesday night's show where they played music. Eric said that they didn't have music playing. JD said they certainly did. Howard said that Eric doesn't even know that they have music playing on his own show.
Howard said he didn't have a lot of time to devote to this but he had Ralph on the phone. Ralph said that Eric's forehead looked like it had a car run over it. Ralph also told him that he should get a fake hand because that's a very disturbing thing to look at. Fred suggested black gloves. Fred said that he could also pet a cat like Dr. Evil. Artie suggested a fake face or a mask like a tiny Jason.
Howard let Eric go a short time later. He said he had to move along. Eric asked if they were going to play the AVN interview clips. Howard said he may do that on Monday. He let Eric go and called him Eric the Actor as he was letting him go.
Howard said he doesn't know what happened to him because he's never snored in the past. Artie said he's getting older and this shit just starts to happen. Artie said he snores and they think it's from his weight but that can't be Howard's problem. Howard has no explanation for that.
Howard moved on to Mike Walker since he was on the line. Here's how his game works... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard came back a short time later and took a call from a guy who said that they've distinguished that Lisa G was shitting at work and he wondered if they remembered that she was picking toppings off of cupcakes. Howard said that Beth doesn't shit much and Lisa just seems to be able to shit at will. He said he doesn't like to think of her in that way.
Another caller said that he was watching Beth on TV and she was a gem and an angel. He said that Beth is just running the show and she's got a great personality. Howard said he feels the same way about her. Howard said that she doesn't even shit for like 3 or 4 weeks. The caller said his wife never farts and he never knows when she shits either.
Howard said that someone asked Beth when it's okay to fart in front of your husband and she was saying that she doesn't do that. She said that he even tries not to fart in front of her. He does fart in his sleep though. Howard said he won't fart in front of Beth if he can avoid it.
Artie said that he thinks that Beth is shitting from 6-9 every morning when Howard isn't around. Artie said that she has to be shitting. Howard said she really doesn't and she's actually talked about being worried about how little she actually does.
The caller told Robin that she looks amazing too. Howard said that Robin is doing something now that not too many people know about. Robin has been fasting for the past week and she may not eat for the next two years. Robin said she drinks her drinks and eats some soup though. Robin said she's trying to lose another 20 pounds. Howard said that would put her over the top if she did that. Howard let the caller get out a shout out to his friend before he hung up on him.
Howard said that Robin is going to look like a citizen from Eritrea if she keeps losing weight. That led to Howard playing some of the song parodies about Robin he played earlier in the morning.
Steve said they have more reaction from the reporter who did the Rolling Stone interview with Artie. He quoted some of her lines from the blog post that she made yesterday. Artie ended up calling her a ''cunt'' after hearing that.
Steve said that they have an update on the unpaid debt to Jared and JD that Robin was supposed to pay off. Robin has paid that off. Robin said she asked JD if she could write him a check and he could pay off Jared. JD didn't want to do that.
Eric the Actor called back in and asked Steve what his problem is with him. He said that he had a customer who was going to call in and let him know that he had a good deal with him and Steve refused to take the call. Steve said he had no idea what he was talking about. Howard hung up on Eric.
Steve said that High Pitch Mike went out with his date recently but didn't kiss the guy. He apparently took matters into his own hands when he got home and took care of himself.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the list of things they were going to be covering today.
After that Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone to give them a preview of what they had coming up tonight at 7 on Howard 101. Mutt said that they'll be talking about the Rolling Stone article that Artie was featured in. They're also going to talk about Artie's nap on the show. Mutt said that he's not sure why Artie is napping on the show. He said he can only wish him well. Artie said he appreciates that stance. Mutt said they're going to talk about Robin's $800 wine thing too. That led to Howard playing the ''$800 Wine'' song that he played earlier. Mutt said they'll also talk about the Underdog Lady special show. Howard said that she'll be doing a second one soon too.
Robin started off the news with a story about the nominations for the upcoming Academy Awards. She had some audio of the nominees being announced. Howard talked about some of the actresses that were up for best actress. Robin made the mistake of saying Barcelona with a Castilian accent on it. Howard goofed on her about that. He said that now that she's buying $800 wine she has a Castilian accent.
Howard played the announcement for the nominees of Best Supporting Actor. They talked about some of those guys as well. Howard said that the winner should be Philip Seymour Hoffman. Robin also had Best Actress audio clips. Howard said that Merryl Streep should win for the movie she was in called ''Doubt.'' He said that if she doesn't win then the fix is in.
In Best Actor Howard said that he thinks that Sean Penn should win. He said that he did great in ''Milk'' when he went full gay for that part. They went through Best Director next. Howard said that the guy who directed ''Milk'' will win or maybe the guy who did ''Slumdog Millionaire.'' For Best Picture Howard said that he thinks that ''Slumdog Millionaire'' will take that as well.
Robin read a story about a kid who was given a prosthetic limb that is the most advanced ever. He just has to think that he wants to move and it moves. Howard said they're probably 100 years away from making a whole arm and hand that looks like the real thing. Robin said that this kid is only the second person to be fitted with this type of limb. Howard wondered if he can squeeze a nip without hurting it. Robin said the kid lost his hand in a nasty accident and this has changed his life for the better.
Robin read a story about a guy who was doing experiments on dogs in his gun range basement. She read another story about a guy who broke into a sex toy store to have sex with a blow up sex doll. They tied him to the crime with DNA samples.
Robin said that they say that Eva Mendes is the number 1 most desirable woman according to the AskMen.com web site. Howard said he doesn't agree with that. Howard thought they were supposed to have the exclusive on that announcement too. He asked Gary what was up with that. Gary said they never got the call that Doug Goodstein said they were going to get. Robin read through the other women on the list and the guys commented on them.
Howard had some audio of Megan Fox, who was on that list, talking during an interview and he thought that she sounded kind of dopey. In the clip Megan was goofing around talking about swapping boobs with the person interviewing her and also talking about her boyfriend Brian Austin Green not wanting to be at the show with her.
Artie sounded shocked that she was dating that guy Brian Austin Green. Artie said he had a bad experience with Brian on MAD TV. He said that he wasn't able to get this rap song right that they did. He kept getting worse and he would get pissed at the people on the staff. He never got it right and he was very cocky the whole week about getting his lines right. Artie said that he had never done it in front of an audience before and everyone caught shit for it. He said that he called himself ''BAG'' which is just his initials. That led to Fred playing the ''Everybody Douche Now'' song parody and a couple of others.
Robin read a story about people who are becoming millionaires working for companies like Google. Howard said that he thinks that SIRIUS is the place that people should want to work at. He said that they have great vending machines there and you can sleep in the green room if you're on heroin. Howard said that they also don't have Lisa G shitting at Google.
Robin read more about Google and some other companies that have had to lay off some people. Howard said that they do have a downside there at SIRIUS. He said that they won't let anyone bring their dog up. Howard said that they're afraid of that for some reason.
Robin had some audio of Aretha Franklin talking about her performance at the inauguration. She said that the cold had affected her voice. Fred said that it has to do with her weighing 800 pounds, it's not the cold.
Robin read some news about what Obama has been up to since he got into office. Robin said that he's expected to announce the closing of the Guantanamo Bay prison. She had some audio clips of Hillary Clinton being sworn in too.
Ralph called in and asked Howard who he thinks would win in a fight, the Galactica or the Enterprise. Howard said the Galactica would win. Howard said that they're in the future more and they can jump, the Enterprise can't. Howard said that they can surprise someone with a sneak attack. Jason came in and said that the Enterprise would win because they have more technology. He said they have the proton torpedoes and force shields. Howard said the Galactica has shields too. Artie said that he's going off to nap again if they keep this up.
Ralph said that Howard gave him this book and he realized he could have bought a Cylon raider for just $30,000. Howard said that he got this thing from a fan where they were going to be auctioning off some Battlestar Galactica stuff. He gave the book to Ralph because he wasn't going to bid on anything. Ralph wanted to get one of the Cylon Raiders to put on display.
Robin got back to her news and read about Caroline Kennedy backing out of the running for Senator of New York. Howard went right into his Ted Kennedy impression when that came up. Howard kept that up for a couple of minutes. Artie did his Kennedy impression a little bit as well. Robin attempted her Kennedy impression but it wasn't even close to being good.
Robin read a story about the parents of the kids that were named after Nazis wanting their kids back from child services. Howard suggested a new name for the family... ''Holly Caust.'' The family named one kid Adolf Hitler.
Robin read a story about a guy who is supposed to be put to death tonight. She read about what his last meal was supposed to be. The guys talked about how much of a mess that guy is going to leave when he dies if he eats all of that shit. The guy is being put to death by lethal injection.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that today is a great day and she loved seeing Beth on today. She said that she was addicted to the channels and Howard TV and she had to tell Artie that because he's an addict too. Mariann said that she loved Beth in the new ''Show in the Hallway'' show that's up on Howard TV this week.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about the new Jets coach. He's saying that the Jets are going to start playing more aggressively now that he's taking over.
Robin said that they have found a feather on the wing of the jet that went down in the Hudson last week. She said that it could show that it was a flock of birds that caused the engines to fail.
Robin read a story about the Travolta family having some kind of extortion thing going on with people down in the Bahamas.
Robin read about Yusef Islam, formerly Cat Stevens, working on another album. Howard jokingly said that he heard he's going to be covering Red Peters' songs and he's going to start with ''How's Your Hole... Family.'' Robin had Howard play some of Cat Steven's music to remind everyone who he was. Howard said he was a fan of some of his music. He's not sure about the new stuff. Artie said that his music reminds him of that movie ''Harold and Maude'' because his music was featured in that. Howard said there was a theater he knew of that played that movie for like 4 years in a row.
Robin read a story about American Idol and had some audio clips from some of the performers. Artie said that if he was a judge he'd just use that Tracy ''Douche'' thing with them. They wrapped up their news and the show a short time later. It was right around 10:55am.
Gary said that he thinks that you have to support your kids. Jon asked if he knew that Will was born without an asshole. Gary said he kind of remembered that story but they may have glossed over it in the past. He said that he believed it more when Will's mother talked about it though.
Jon said that Will was in a diaper and a bonnet for this. Gary said that they didn't ask him to do that, he did it on his own. They played a quick clip from that segment where Will started farting on his mother.
Jon wondered about what the relationship must be like that she'd let her own son fart on her. Gary said they needed the money and that's what it was all about.
Jon brought up Artie goofing on Will about his web site. Artie took it too far and was merciless with the comments. Gary said that the mother knew that something was going on and Howard let her know that they were just joking around. Gary said that the farting stuff can be pawned off as just being juvenile but the other stuff he's doing is kind of disturbing.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Will is like the natural Fartman. He said that he was born as Fartman. Gary said that he is the longest running go-to guy on the show for farters. The caller said he almost shit himself laughing at the guy. Gary said that they had Junior the Farter as well. Jon mentioned Mr. Methane too.
Jon took a call from a guy who claimed that he can fart at will just like Will the Farter. Gary asked him to blast one out but the guy was on the road driving. Gary said that he can drink a glass of water and wondered if he can do that too.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked how close Will was to his mother's face. Gary said that it was within 2 inches. Jon said that he was right up there in her face. There was no splatter though. The caller said that he thinks that Will was on that ''Howie Do It'' show. Jon said that he was on there. The guy said he never saw his face on there but they did have him farting.
Gary said that they have done the hidden camera thing with a farter but they didn't do it that much with guests. He said that they never did it with Will.
Another caller said that this was almost as bad as the ''It's Just Wrong'' thing that they did with the father's and daughters. Gary said he thinks that the ''It's Just Wrong'' thing was even worse and nothing will top that.
Jon asked Benjy if he found anything wrong with the farting in the mother's face. Benjy said she had a great personality so it made it kind of fun for him.
Another caller said that they need to go back and find the tapes where Will talked about not having an asshole. He said that he didn't remember them talking about it. Gary said that he kind of remembers it but they may have been disinterested in it at the time. The guy said that they should take away Will's right to fart on the show if he wasn't born with an asshole.
Gary said that he's noticed a running thread with the listeners lately. They want people punished for stuff. He said that's kind of the way Sal is with people. He always wants to punish them if they don't do something right.
A caller asked what Will's mother's friends must think about this. He said that someone has to know that she's on the show doing this and it must be embarrassing. Gary said that he thinks that she's more of the type of person who would say she just did nothing when she's asked what she did today.
The caller wanted to know if she had ever done that stuff for her son before. Gary said they should have asked her when she was there.
The guys talked about their old guest Doug Bady and how he had his rectum fall out of him one time. Teddy said that he wanted to know if they ever talked to Will about that. Teddy also thinks that some of Will's farts may be on the iFart app that's on the iPhone.
Teddy said that Will has been on a couple of shows with Artie. At one show he came out as ''Farticus.'' He also does some farting and it's really disgusting. He said that he has to hold the mic up to him and the farts really stink.
Jon wondered what the pitch will be next time he's on the show. This was pretty wild and the next time it might have to be even wilder. Gary said that he found it odd that Priscilla was blaming Jason for setting up the whole thing. He didn't know where that came from.
Benjy said that Robin made a comment about Howard talking about her at the psychologist's office. She was upset about that as well.
Gary said that kind of stuff can really fuck with your whole week. Jon said that the song parodies probably didn't help either. Gary said that you have to have a good sense of humor about that stuff.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Robin is good at dishing it out but she can't take it when people are goofing on her. The guy was going off on Robin but said that Artie is always defending her. He said that Artie will give her some leeway but Robin is never that way with him.
Another caller said that he gets why Robin was upset about the article because she probably read about how many problems he really has. Gary said that he thinks she already knew about his problems but that article may have really made it seem worse to her. Gary said that the article isn't a feel good article. Gary said that Robin probably gives Artie a hard time because she thinks that he can take it.
The guys talked about Robin trying to lose that additional 20 pounds. Gary said that she doesn't need to lose another 20 and it's going to be a lot of work. He said that it's fine if she wants to do it though. Benjy said that he thinks that she's going to look great when she does lose another 20.
Benjy said that he's going to start a fast this weekend and he may go out with Robin so they can sit around not eating together. He said that when you fast you don't think about food and that's easier than dieting. He said that you just stop and don't go down that slippery slope. Gary said they were getting into that vortex again.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's a truck driver and people have been using ''Baba Booey'' as a gay mating call at the truck stops. Gary said he wasn't aware of that. The caller said that he's been driving since 1999 and he's seen that stuff since then. Jon had to go to break after that.
Gar said that he thinks that Danny would do it for nothing and prove that he can kick the ass of guys bigger than him. He said that's what he likes about Danny's fights.
The guys also talked about Danny's radio shows and how hard he's working doing that. Jon and Gary also talked about Jose Canseco's book and how much controversy that caused. Gary asked Jon if he thought what he did was wrong. Jon said that he did think it was wrong. He said that naming other people the way he did just wasn't right. He said that he's going to keep himself out of the hall of fame because of it.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if that's the kind of stuff they wanted to talk to Jose about instead of the fight. Gary said that Howard isn't that into sports but they did ask him a couple of those questions. Gary said he kind of asked Jose what he wanted to ask him. He thought they covered that stuff.
The caller said that they had a lot of other stuff to talk to him about and they didn't cover it today. Gary said that the guy has been on the show 3 times now and they've covered a lot of it in the past. This time he was in to talk about the fight.
The caller said that Robin is going to have a giant head and she'll look ridiculous if she loses that 20 pounds. She thought that it might not be all that good for her to lose that much.
Another caller asked if the Mark Maguire story came up today. Gary said that it didn't come up so they ended up discussing it with the caller instead. The caller said that Mark's brother has written a book and it's coming out that he injected his brother with steroids.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked Jon about being a Pittsburgh fan when he went to Penn State. He also said that they have to have Rich Cronin back in because his interview was great. The caller also said that the main reason he called in was to talk about how much kinder and gentler Howard has become lately. He isn't picking on Artie the way he would have in the past. Gary said that there were days that Howard could spend 2 hours goofing on him about not picking up the phone fast enough. Jon said he doesn't think that Howard will let go of the $800 wine thing for a long time so there are still things that he won't let go of.
The caller was also talking about the way Howard makes fun of Gary's voice when he used to say ''Boff'' and stuff. He said that he really did sound that way in the past. Gary said that he did sound different back when he was first starting out. Gary said that he hears those old tapes and he's not sure if he just wasn't on mic or what. Sal said that Gary has learned to lift up his lips to speak since then.
Sal was also talking about the way Howard took Gary off of the Best of Stern tapes and how he was announcing them. Gary said that Howard didn't want anyone knowing that they were running repeats back then. He said that they should have just run the clips as if it were a new show.
The caller was also asking them to stop playing the song that they play at the end of Howard's show because it's so outdated. Gary said that the guy might have a point there.
Jon was going to explain why he was a Pittsburgh fan. Sal started making fun of him talking about sports on this show that wasn't supposed to be about sports. Jon said that he was just answering the guy's question. Sal was all pissed off at him about that. Gary said that this show has men listening to it and they like to hear about sports once in a while. Gary asked Sal if he thinks that a lot of the fans out there wear make up. Sal told him to shut up and called him a dick licker.
Jon asked Sal what he was doing in there. Sal said he just wanted to stop by and talk about some stuff. Jon and Gary knew that he was just there to get in some plugs for his upcoming comedy shows.
Jon wanted to hand the show over to Sal since he was giving him such a hard time. Sal told him to just move on.
Ralph called in and said that he would like to elaborate on the $800 bottle of wine and why it was such a waste. He said that he doesn't get it and thinks that it's such a waste of money. He said that you can buy a watch for that kind of money and you can keep it for years. A bottle of wine just goes away. Gary said that he gets that but he also understands if Robin wanted to spend that kind of money on herself that it would be okay. Ralph said it's such a waste of money though.
Ralph said that last night's ''Lost'' was like a 9 on a scale of 10. Jon said that it was like an 8 1/2 to him. They said that it was good but Gary hadn't seen it yet. He asked them not to spoil anything for him. Sal said that he was so glad when they killed the fat guy. Jon and Ralph told Gary that didn't happen.
The ''Lost'' discussion led to the guys talking about the old ''Twilight Zone'' shows. Gary said that he has the DVD set and he was watching some of those. They talked about some of their favorites. Gary said that there was a silent one with Buster Keaton that was interesting. They liked ''To Serve Man'' and some of their other favorites like that.
Sal was talking about some of the other shows that he likes to watch and most of them were from back in the 70s. Sal said that he likes the Bobby Flay show too. Gary said that Sal was all gay when Bobby came to SIRIUS one day.
Sal said that he went to eat at his restaurant one time and he said something to him about how great his burgers are and he said that it was kind of like a pussy in his mouth, but not in those words. Sal said that Bobby just walked away like he'd said something wrong to him.
Another caller said that he had a gorgeous cake for Howard and Jason kind of screwed him over on that. They were at the end of the show so they had to put him on hold to find out what he was talking about. They ended the show a short time later.
Today's Best of the Week was over by about 10:45am.