|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started off the show, and his 55th birthday, talking about his birthday. He said he's double nickels today and he's now a senior citizen. He said that he refuses to be one of those AARP guys though. He said he got information on that like 5 years ago. Howard said that he's thinking that he's an elder statesman now and people should come to him for advice. He's thinking that young people should come to him for advice. Robin told him to do speeches for the young people. Howard said he's not going to do that.
Artie asked Howard not to be on radio the day he dies. Howard said that won't happen. He said that Artie will probably end up dying before he does.
Howard asked who the new coach for the Jets is going to be. Artie wasn't sure about that. Howard said that they were looking at the former coach for Pittsburgh. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that. Gary came in and got in on the discussion as well.
Gary was talking about what a fucked up organization the Jets are. He said that they shouldn't have Brett Favre come back for another season. He said he just wanted him on the team for one season and they should get rid of him now.
Artie said that he hates Bill Parcells and he wishes that he would just go away already. He went off on him and gave his history with the team and how he's gone out and coached for so many different teams. Artie said that it's like he's got something wrong with him and he just doesn't stick with one team. Howard said that he has to look at it like a business because he's just trying to make the kind of money he deserves and he has to move around.
Gary said that Parcells gets bored and he changes everything while he's coaching an he usually leaves things in disarray. Gary also said he never sticks with a team through a whole contract, he always leaves early. Artie said the guy is just a dick.
Howard said he's upset about the Giants because they can't have that parade with the fans. That led to Howard playing some audio from their last parade where Sal and Richard went out and interviewed some fans. The fans were cursing out Boston fans and going off on them like they were an enemy.
Gary said that Bobby's wife is on Law and Order: SVU and she's really hot. He said that she's a model and there is no lawyer in the history of lawyers that's so hot. Howard said he should have booked her for the show. Gary said that they were throwing her name around in that discussion.
Howard said that there was a lot of heat to get Bobby Flay on the show. Ralph was laughing. Artie said they were thinking more like someone like Bruce Springsteen.
Howard said that Gary told Scott that Howard would blow a gasket if he booked Bobby Flay as a guest on the show. Gary said that they turned Bobby down as a guest on the show so they're not going to have him on the Birthday show. Gary said that Bobby is a nice guy and all but that's not the kind of guest they're looking for.
Artie said that he doesn't even want to hear Bobby talk about cooking and he's now going to be doing radio where he talks politics.
Howard jokingly said that Scott is trying to get Pete Best for his 66th birthday. Howard said that they could have had Bobby Flay play the game where he guesses what's in Sal's pouch.
Howard said that Gary has gone through a lot of painful discussions about this with management. Howard said it doesn't make any sense. Howard said that Bobby is going to be on SIRIUS XM now and he likes the guy but that just wouldn't have worked out as a special guest.
Gary said that they weren't looking for a guest for the birthday. Scott just threw his name in there when they were talking about who they could get to come in. They were turned down by Regis Philbin and Martha Stewart. Howard said he doesn't like when they bring in guests like that. He said he has to work with those guests and then they have fans calling in and complaining about it for a half hour.
Howard said that the birthday shows used to be fun and they've gone through all of that already. Howard said that he could have talked to Bobby Flay but he'd rather be prepared for a guest like that so he knows what he can talk to them about. Howard said that they wanted to have Martha Stewart on his show and he wondered who cared about that and why they'd make her go through that.
Howard said he doesn't want anything nice on the show. Gary said that they start asking him about that stuff and they want to know what they're going to do for it. Howard said he's over that stuff now, he's not 9 anymore. Howard said they have to forget his birthday because his age is getting obnoxious.
Howard said that he's snoring all night now and Beth tells him that she's going to record it. Artie said that he recently kicked a chick when they were sleeping together. He said that she had to move to the couch because he gave her a Charlie horse.
Howard asked Artie how his diet is going. Artie said he kind of fell off of that. He said that he can't get off the drugs and diet at the same time. Howard said that Artie blames everyone for his problems. Howard said he read the book and he can see that's what he's doing there. Artie said he apologizes to everyone in the book (Too Fat To Fish) and then suggested that everyone buy the book to read it for themselves.
The guys were talking about Eli and Peyton Manning after Ralph brought them up. Robin asked what game it was where the quarterback kicked the ball. Gary said that was this weekend. Robin said that she has never seen that before. Artie and Gary explained that to Robin so she'd know how that worked. Howard thanked Ralph for calling in after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was glad they were talking about football. He talked about how he's supposed to be interviewing some football player soon. He was also talking about the Mannings like Ralph was.
Pittsburgh Pete called in and said that they've seen Beth in magazines and TV but we haven't been able to see her vagina yet. He asked Howard to describe it to them. Howard said ''Perfect.'' He said that it doesn't smell, it's really nice looking as vaginas go. He said that it's shaven clean and she looks great. Pete said he kind of likes a puffy vagina. Howard said that there's nothing unattractive about it at all.
Pete asked about her clit and if that's huge or anything. Howard said there's nothing like that going on with there. Pete asked how it feels in there. Howard said that it's a perfect fit for him.
Howard said that everything worked out well for him. He said there's a home run in her pants. Howard said there are some girls you go inside of and they're not a great fit. He said that he and Beth are a great fit. Howard said that he can tell when a chick is banging him just because of who he is or if she's really into him too.
Howard said that he went out with a chick before he found Beth who was really hot. He said that he knew she was hot because a couple of his buddies were hitting on her when they were out. Howard said that his buddy was stroking her leg that night. Howard said that he was finally with this chick and she was way too dry for him. He said he knew that she wasn't into him when that happened. He said that chick's vagina looked good but it just wasn't right.
Pete said that Howard and Beth are so close in size that Howard can probably hold her down the right way. Howard said that he's saying that some women are too short for him. He said that he's been out with short people before and he feels like he's walking his little kid or something. Howard said that Beth also tells him that he's big in the pants and he hurts her sometimes. Howard said he likes hearing that.
Artie asked Pete when he last held a girl down. Pete was saying that just the other day he was holding a girl down. He said that some women like to be covered by a man that way. Howard let Pete go a short time later.
Howard said he watched some of the show and he was so well groomed that he thought that it was an attractive gay man doing the interviews. Howard said he thought Tiki Barber wouldn't be on the red carpet, he's a football player.
Artie said that he was with a chick one time in Vegas and this chick was watching a pre-game show and when she saw Tiki, she said that was a good looking black man. Then she saw he had a brother. Artie said he told Norm MacDonald that story and he figured that the chick wanted to be double teamed by Tiki and his brother.
Howard talked about some of the celebrities that were at the Golden Globes last night. Howard said that he had a couple of movie suggestions for people. He said he saw this movie ''Doubt'' that had Meryl Streep and Phillip Seymour Hoffman in it and it was really good. Howard said the story sounds a little dry but the movie was really good. Howard said that Meryl was the best in per part.
He said that Mickey Rourke won an award for ''The Wrestler'' last night and he loved that movie. Howard said that ''Milk'' was another great one and he thought that Sean Penn was really good in that. He said that Sean is a dick to him but he thinks that Sean Penn deserves to win for that part. He also said that Meryl Streep deserves to win.
Howard said that he knows that everyone in the world has copies of these films but no one sends them to him. He said that he has an audience to talk to about those movies and they just don't send them to him.
Robin said that she saw some good movies this weekend. She said that Brad Pitt is so pretty that she almost fainted when she saw him in this movie she was watching. She said that he's worth every penny just to see him in a movie like that.
Artie asked what the movie ''Milk'' was about so Howard explained that to him. He gave him the story as he knew it. He said that this Harvey Milk was a gay guy who became a city councilman and was killed by another guy who was humiliated by Milk being put in office. Then this guy who killed him gave a defense where he claimed that he was on too much sugar the day he did that and only got 5 years in prison. The guy got out of jail after 5 years and ended up killing himself over the whole thing.
Howard said he watched ''Scorpion King II'' over the weekend too. He said he watched ''Run Fat Boy Run'' which was directed by David Schwimmer and it was the worst movie ever. Howard said it had good reviews on Netflix but the movie was unwatchable. Robin said that she likes the guy that's in that movie but she's not going to watch it now. Howard said she'd hate this guy if she saw the movie.
Artie said that he saw a report on TV where these guys dressed up like Miley Cyrus to win tickets to one of her concerts. He said it was embarrassing to see. These guys were doing that to win tickets for their daughters. Howard asked what happened to parents telling their kids ''No.'' Artie said that's what his father would say to him if he asked for something like that.
Howard said that he would never even go to his father and ask for nonsense like that. Robin said that Howard is the kind of father who won't say no. Howard said he won't dress up like Miley Cyrus though.
Howard said his mother called him to wish him a happy birthday last night. He said she did that to ''beat the rush'' of people calling him. Howard said that she told him that her father said ''ditto'' to the birthday wish. Then she called back later on and said that Ben was mad at her because he wanted to say it to him himself.
Howard said that he had some clips from the Golden Globes to play. He had Bruce Springsteen accepting his award that he won for ''The Wrestler.'' Howard said he didn't know that Springsteen was friends with Mickey Rourke. In the speech he says that Mickey called him up and asked him to do a song for this movie. At the end of his speech he gives a shout out to Clarence Clemens for his birthday.
That led to Howard playing some old audio of Clarence sweet talking Robin and asking if he could go out with her and cook for her. Howard said that Robin blew him off in that segment. She wasn't looking for a date with him at all. Artie said that was nothing like when the ''dropping loads'' guy, Nick Manning, came in. Robin said she tried to get out of that too.
Howard said that Robin wasn't attracted to Clarence at all. He asked her what it was about him that she wasn't into. Robin said that he's a very big man. Howard said she must have been scared of him. Robin said he was a sweet guy but she wasn't attracted to him.
Howard said that Tracy Morgan made a great speech last night. Howard said he's so great on his show and in this speech. In the speech Tracy said that he was going to speak for the show from now on because Barack Obama had won and that's the agreement they had with the staff. Tracy thanked them for the award because a black man can't get a break at the Emmys. Howard thought that speech was pretty funny. He ended up playing a prank call the guys made using some Tracy Morgan audio clips. They had Tracy making gagging sounds when this woman ended up coughing during the call. Artie was laughing his ass off at that call. Howard said he had to hear that again and replayed the call.
Howard said J-Lo was on the Golden Globes last night and she was looking fatter than ever. Howard said he saw her with her husband Marc Anthony but he thought that they had broken up.
Howard played some audio of J-Lo trying to get the audience's attention when they weren't listening to her. She said ''Hello... Mama talkin'...'' to get their attention.
Howard said that Paul Giamatti won an award last night. Howard said he was proud of him for that. He didn't say anything about him in the speech though. Howard said it would have been a good time to do that. Howard played some of that speech.
Howard had some audio of Mickey Rourke's speech. He said that it's tough to look at his face after all of the stuff he's had done to it. Howard said that he claims that it was because he was a boxer but it looks more like he was addicted to surgery. Howard said it's kind of sad that he did that.
Howard played the audio of Mickey making his thank-you speech. Mickey was getting some applause and cheers from the people at the event. Howard said he thought that was a class speech he gave. Artie said he read an article that a guy wrote about Mickey and how he had been treated like a dick back in 1984 when he did an interview with him. The guy said that he couldn't stand the guy but after seeing ''The Wrestler'' he was convinced that the guy was the best actor ever. Howard had to go to break a short time later. Before going to break he talked about how they don't have to rush guys like Mickey off the stage as quick as they do. There were other people who needed to be rushed off but not Mickey. He went to break after that.
After the break we heard a prank call that the guys had Big Foot make to a woman about her cat coming over and shitting in his bushes. Howard came back a short time later as Fred was playing some Bruce Springsteen ''Pink Cadillac.'' Howard said he likes that song. Artie was singing along to the song so Howard said that Bruce was there for his birthday. Howard said he might be becoming a Springsteen fan now.
Howard said he was wearing a shirt that cost him $150 and it had a tag inside of it that was annoying the crap out of him. He said he doesn't know who makes a shirt like that and puts this giant tag in there. Howard said he tried to cut the tag out but ended up cutting a hole in the shirt. Robin asked what brand shirt it was. Howard had Artie check but he wasn't able to find a label. Artie finally found it with some help from Howard. It was ''Public School'' brand.
Howard said that Dr. Drew was there. He said he loves that ''Celebrity Rehab'' show that he's on and now they have this ''Sober House'' show coming out.
Howard asked Dr. Drew how old he is. Dr. Drew is 50. Howard told him he's 5 years older than him and he doesn't have grey hair like he does. Howard said he thinks that he looks younger than he does. Dr. Drew told him he does look good.
Howard said that when you hit 50 things really change. Dr. Drew said he has 16 year old triplets and that's what turned his hair grey. Dr. Drew said that he's got an easy schedule these days and it's much easier than it was when he was practicing medicine full time.
Howard asked where Dr. Phil got his medical license. Dr. Drew said he thinks he got it down in Texas somewhere but it was taken away for sexual misconduct or something. He said he tells people that and they say ''How dare you!'' but he tells them that it's a true story.
Dr. Drew said he read Artie's book, ''Too Fat To Fish,'' on the way there and he's so sorry about his dad. He said that it was a breathtaking story to read. Dr. Drew said the story was really touching. He said that he will recommend the book to people and not give it away like Artie asked at the end of the book. Artie said that he really did read the whole book.
Howard asked Dr. Drew how he got involved in this field that he works in. Dr. Drew filled him in on that and said that he's been doing it for about 20 years now.
Dr. Drew talked about how the TV show has been working for people and how they have helped some people out. He said that some of the people stay sober. Artie said that the guy who came back smoking crack must be like seeing a home run for that show. Artie said that moments like that are when the producers have to be high fiviing each other. Dr. Drew said that he's right about that but he's shitting himself when he sees something like that. Dr. Drew said that he was afraid the staff were going to relapse and that the guy was going to kill himself. Dr. Drew said that he gets attached to these people and he hates to see them relapse like that.
Howard said that there might be a part of those patients where they might just want to get back on the TV show. Artie said that it was sad when they showed Jeff Conaway going back on the pills. Dr. Drew said that it was very sad because they almost had Jeff to the point where he was getting off of the stuff. Dr. Drew said that he's done with Jeff now and he's not going to be on the show next season.
Robin said that they had video of Seth smoking in the car and stuff and they must know that he's doing this stuff to get on TV. Dr. Drew said he really had nothing to do with that. He said that the producers are the ones responsible for that stuff.
Howard asked how many people have actually stayed off of drugs after being on that show. Drew said that he'd have to count them up. He didn't have a number. Howard asked if Gary Busey was using when he was on the show. Drew said that he was using before he came on the show but he's basically had a lobotomy with the brain injury he had.
Drew said that a few of the people on the show have been helped. He named a few and filled Howard in on that. Howard told Drew what Artie did recently and how he went to this place Hippocrates to get off the drugs. Artie said that it wasn't a spa like Howard kept saying it was. Artie said that they help you out with your health and the brain part together.
Artie said that they had a therapist there that he saw and that was how they helped him mentally. They got him off of heroin and he's been off of it since then. Artie said that he's been clean for 18 days now. Drew asked him if he's been smoking weed since then. Artie said he's not a pot smoker. Artie said that he hasn't even been using Subutex since then.
Dr. Drew told Artie that it seems to him that, after reading his book, that he can be great sober but it's almost like he wants to join his dad. He said that he thinks that he idealizes him so much that he just can't let go of him. He said that it seems like it's drawing him into the heroin thing and toward death. Drew told Artie that he really has to get off of it because his father would want him to.
Artie said that he doesn't have a good answer for that. He said that he's never had more than 11 months clean in his life since his father died. Drew asked him if he could get that back and be sober for 11 months again. Artie said that he had a sponsor who helped him in the past but he's dead from a heart attack now. Artie said that at the time he was clean for 11 months, he had a sponsor in New Jersey. Artie said he was on anti-depressants back then so he wasn't sure if that was considered ''clean.'' Dr. Drew said that he would consider that clean because some people screw up their brains so much that they need something to keep them straight.
Artie said that he's had this number of a therapist, that Howard gave him, on his desk for about 5 years now. Dr. Drew told him to call the guy. He told Artie to call him over and over again during that discussion.
Howard told Drew that Artie is willing to take drug tests and Drew said that's a good thing and they should be testing him. Gary said that he was going to be the one watching him in the bathroom peeing so he can make sure he's not cheating. Artie said that Gary is not going to see his cock. Gary said he doesn't want to look at his cock but he doesn't think that he's past the point of buying clean urine.
Howard told Drew that Artie does a great job there and he has no problem with his work. He said that he's there almost every day. Artie said he's only missed 18 days in the past 8 years. Robin told Drew that Artie has attacked people in the studio and stuff like that. Dr. Drew said that Artie might have to get closer to the bottom before he will seriously take a look at this stuff and have that moment of clarity. Drew said that some people have to come close to dying before they'll get to that point.
Artie said that he's become an atheist over the years and he doesn't really think he's going to be with his father when he dies. Howard said that he does talk about the angels and stuff in his book so he does believe in something. Artie said that he really does believe that you just die and rot in the ground.
Dr. Drew said that it does appear that Artie has to find reasons to use and he needs some kind of structure around him to help him get past this stuff. Drew said that digging into this stuff right now is a bad idea because it might get Artie back to the point where he wants to use again. Drew said that Artie needs a sponsor to help him and he just needs to stay sober for the next few months to get past the point where he's going to fall back into it.
Artie said that he doesn't want to go to rehab and he's not going to go back on anything in the meantime. Howard said that he's already picked a date for Artie to take his drug test. Drew said that he can't know that date. Howard said that they're not going to let him know. It will be a random drug test. Gary came in and asked Artie if he really thinks that he's past the point of buying clear urine to get out of the testing. Artie said that he's not going to do that.
Dr. Drew said that he has a great place in mind for Artie. He said that Spring Brook in Portland is a great place that he could go. Drew also told the guys not to get mad at Artie when he lies. He told them to just go ''whatever'' when he does. Gary said that he gets mad because he feels betrayed by Artie when he lies to them.
Gary said that Lisa G is willing to watch Artie pee when he's taking his test. Artie said that if he's in a room with Lisa G, and his cock is out, he's going to have his dick in her mouth.
Artie told Dr. Drew that he was on his pilot show back in 1996. He said that it was him, Orlando Jones and Nicole Sullivan from MAD TV that went on the show. Artie said that he told Dr. Drew on that show that he felt that his wife was more attracted to their dog than to him. Dr. Drew didn't laugh and just put his head down and sighed. He said that the show ended up as a disaster and FOX dropped it and it went to MTV instead. Dr. Drew said they were on for 5 years on MTV after that.
Howard said that Drew started out in radio to just hang out and then it became a profession for him. Drew said he had fun doing it and he was very passionate about doing it. Drew said that he didn't come up with the idea for ''Celebrity Rehab'' but that turned out to be a hit. He said he never thought that it was going to work out because he figured there was no way celebrities would come on the show. Artie said that they haven't had any ''celebrities'' on that show yet. He said they should just call the show ''Rehab.''
Howard said that Amber Smith, who was in his movie, would never even give him the time of day on the set of the movie. He said that he had no idea that she was hooking for drugs all these years. Howard said that she's very seductive too. Drew said that he was digging into the coldness and anger with her so he never saw that seductive side.
Howard said that this new show, ''Sober House,'' is coming on soon. Howard said that he thinks that this show is going to be his new favorite show. Howard said that Steven Adler goes right back to using and they find the stuff on him in the first show.
Artie said that's sad and Steven might be beyond repair. Howard said that he hit rock bottom too. Artie said that what Steven went through was mind blowing to him. Drew said that story was a bit of distortion and he wasn't kicked out, it was a perception he had of his childhood. He said that he may have blown it out of proportion based on what he's heard from other family members.
Howard talked more about Artie's childhood issues and he thinks that he doesn't take a realistic view of what his father really was. Artie said that he felt so safe around his father that he was never afraid of anyone breaking into the house because he figured that he could do something to protect him, even when he was paralyzed.
Drew said that Artie will never be able to get passed that until he can have a relationship with another man like he did with his father.
Gary came in and told Howard that he was calling the show ''Sobriety House'' but it's actually ''Sober House.'' Drew said that they have some interesting stuff happen with Amber in that house during the shoot. He didn't say exactly what that was. Artie said that he was going to call the show ''Exploitation House'' from what he's seen.
Gary asked Artie if he doesn't feel a little different about Rod Stewart's kid after seeing him on ''Celebrity Rehab.'' Artie said that kid is a jerk off and he should be doing drugs.
Howard asked if Daniel Baldwin is still sober. Drew said that he is as far as he knows. Howard asked about Mary Carey too. Drew said that she's actually in this ''Sober House.'' Howard asked about Chynna and some other people who have been on the show. Drew said that Seth Binzer is back in ''Sober House.'' Amber's mother is in treatment too.
Howard asked who the hardest celebrity was to treat. Drew said that Tawny was tough but people like Gary Busey are tough too. He said that it's like dealing with little kids sometimes. Howard said that's what it looked like to him. Howard asked Drew if he was ever a user. Drew said that he never had that in him. He said that people don't understand how he understands them so well but he's able to tune into their issues.
Howard asked Drew if he's attracted to that Shelly chick who is on the show with him. Drew said he's been married to his wife for many years and he's very lucky that she's still hot. Howard asked if he has women coming on to him after all of this. Drew said that he doesn't have that kind of stuff happening to him.
Howard asked if Drew has seen Amber's boobs. Drew said he had to examine her for the show. He said that he had to check her breasts for masses and things. Howard said that's fantastic and he'd love to be able to examine someone like that.
Howard asked if celebrities are harder to treat. Drew said that celebrities do tend to have more mental issues than other people do. He said he just wrote a book about that actually.
Drew said that heroin addiction has a worse prognosis than even cancer does. Drew said that people won't take the time to get treatment. Artie said that society won't treat heroin addicts like they do cancer patients. Drew told him he's right about that.
Howard asked Drew how long it took him to get into his wife's pants. Drew said that it did take a while. He said that she rejected him at first. He said that two years before he went out with her he saw her at a fashion show and she blew him off. Then he met her a year later and had the same experience. Then he met her later and didn't know it was the same woman until he saw a picture of her from a couple of years before.
Artie asked Drew if he would be surprised if his kids ended up as an addict. Drew said that he's come to expect anything from anyone. He said that he has told his kids that he will send his kids off out of the house and right to jail if he finds out that they're on heroin or something. He said he won't bail them out or anything like that. Drew said that he would have kicked people off the show based on that but the producers have kept some people on.
Gary asked what happened on the show that he would kick Tawny and Sean off the show for. Drew said that there were things that they didn't show on the show that would have gotten them kicked out.
Howard took a call from a Dr. Gordon who said that Dr. Drew is in amazing shape and he should make him take off his shirt to see how good he looks. Drew said that he's been working out for years in his garage. He was a football player in his prep school.
Dominic Barbara called in and asked Drew if he believes that Howard's openness on the show has led to these reality shows. Drew said that he does believe that Howard being real has led to the realness of TV shows to come through.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that if Artie gets himself fixed then it would be the best gift he could ever give. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that Howard has been doing a rehab with Artie for the past 8 years. She also asked what Artie could be on since he's so talkative. Drew said that he has looked at Artie carefully and he doesn't think that he's on anything from his quick review of what he looks like. He said his pupils aren't pinned or anything like that. He would guess that he's actually sober today. Howard said that he's noticed that he's talkative too.
Artie told Mariann to go shove her head in her gravy. Howard said that Mariann sent him some lottery tickets and he ended up winning $2 thanks to her. Mariann told him to reinvest that.
Howard asked Drew if he's going to be doing another ''Celebrity Rehab'' season. Drew said that they may do one but he really has nothing to do with the casting of those shows.
Artie was goofing on Drew and the guys were wondering what his problem was. Artie said that Drew is just trying to be famous and that's why he's doing these TV shows. Artie said that he also felt that Drew was attacking him for saying that he read his book and liked it. Howard didn't understand why he was angry with Dr. Drew. He asked what he did to him. Artie said that Drew just put it out in the open that people are heroin addicts.
Robin said that Artie is pissed at every man and every doctor that comes in there. She said that he can't trust anyone. Artie doesn't trust Drew because he thinks that Drew just wants to be on TV.
Drew said that he thinks that maybe Artie had some physical stuff going on when he was young and maybe that's why he feels betrayed by his father. That and the fact that he died. He said that was another betrayal to Artie.
Drew said that he thinks that Artie's dad thought that Artie was perfect and Artie saw his father as perfect. Artie said that his father told him that he swung a bat like a cunt, he didn't think he was perfect. Howard said that it can be too much when a parent tells you that you're perfect.
Drew said that Artie's book really took his breath away. Artie said that his father did his best to raise him and this is the way he turned out.
Artie asked what he's supposed to do if he gets kicked out of rehab. Drew told him to go to another one. Artie said he's not going to go to another one and they can't tell him what to do. Howard asked Artie what he thinks should happen. Artie said that he doesn't think he's as fucked up as everyone thinks he is. Howard said that he is that fucked up. He was still doing heroin just 19 days ago.
Drew told Artie that he's exhausting and that's a very powerful thing. Artie said that most of the people around him are relaxing just fine at his shore house. Howard asked Drew what he thinks is going on with Artie today. Drew said it was like Curly Howard had entered his body or something.
Howard said that the ''Sober House'' show starts this Thursday. He asked Drew if Amber was fully shaved. Drew said he didn't see her vagina at any point.
Artie said that the Shelly chick on that show reminds him of a strung out Lisa G. Drew said that her story is really fascinating and they should have her on the show. He said that she had tattoos all over her in the past.
Artie asked how much he would get paid to come on that show. Drew said he didn't know but he would give Artie a number if he wanted to be on the show. Artie said that he'd do it if they paid him to be on. Artie was still busting Drew's balls right up to the end of the interview. Howard said that Drew was being attacked and belittled but he must be used to it by now. Drew said he used to want to punch people out but he's gotten past that. Artie said that if he gets on the show, he will be the first one that will try to punch him.
Artie asked if he can gamble or not. Drew told him that gambling is bad because it's the same thing that kicks in his addiction for drugs. He was also talking about the over eating and all of that being the same thing.
Artie asked Drew if he would have his daughter do Celebrity Rehab if she was an addict. Drew said it's better than nothing but he's not sure he'd want her to do that over a regular rehab. Howard had to wrap up the interview but Artie was still very talkative and was doing an interview of his own. He was also goofing on Drew about all of this money he was making doing all of these shows.
Howard asked Drew about Robin's colonics and said that he's concerned about that. He told Drew that she's consumed with this doody thing. Robin said that she's doing it to be healthy though. Drew said that Robin is looking very healthy right now and that might be a compulsion but not an addiction. Drew said that the colon is designed not to let anything in it and all it does is absorb water so he's not sure why there's this preoccupation with it.
Howard told Drew that Robin is obsessed with this anal stuff and maybe it had something to do with her being abused as a child and having anal sex with strangers. Dr. Drew said that Robin seems great but any colonic is excessive to him. He said when you do colonoscopies you have to make sure that you are clean in there when you have something like that done. He said it's torture when you go through it so he can't imagine wanting to do that on a regular basis.
Artie asked Drew if he thinks his kids are drinking or having sex yet. Drew said that he has that on his radar right now but he doesn't think that they've started drinking or having sex.
Artie was still going off on Drew so Howard had to cut him off so he could let drew out of there. Howard gave him some more plugs and tried to wrap up. Artie was still trying to ask questions. Howard told Drew that he goes to therapy three days a week and he has to deal with those two (Robin and Artie) but Fred is another whole deal.
Artie told a story about Howard wearing drugs when he goes out and has to shake people's hands. Howard said that he has admitted he has OCD. Drew said that it is OCD. Howard said that he has gotten over some of that but he still has to go to therapy. Howard said that some day he and Drew will talk without the other mental cases interrupting them.
Artie said that he wishes Drew luck with the ''Sober House'' show and then maybe the ''Celebrity Funerals'' show and anything else that he can do on TV. Drew said that he didn't anticipate all of this energy that Artie had this morning. He said that it's an aggression that he has to deal with. Artie was still goofing on Drew about all of this stuff right up until the end. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Robin said that she took something from Dr. Drew and she's not going to be hard on Artie from now on. Howard said that's what he's been doing.
The guys brought in the cake and Howard sounded impressed by what he was seeing. Howard said it was mocha and he could smell it from where he was sitting. Howard said he might even take a taste of it. Artie was digging right in. He said that was probably an $800 cake.
Howard said he had some Golden Globe clips to play but he had to taste this cake first. Howard took a small sliver of it and said it was very dense. Howard said that he was going to taste it and let her know. Howard said that Artie would love it.
Robin was eating an avocado while everyone else was digging into the cake. Howard said it was really good. Artie said ''Holy shit!'' when he tasted it. Benjy said that if he started he wouldn't be able to stop so he passed on it. Fred also passed.
Howard said Artie only had two pieces so it was clear he was working on his diet. Howard said he usually would have had 5 pieces.
Howard said that he and Beth are going to dinner tonight for his birthday. He said later in the week his kids and parents are going to be doing something together. His daughter Ashley is having a birthday later this month too. She's going to be 16. Howard said that it scares the crap out of him that she's old enough to get a driver's permit.
Howard said that his one daughter is living out in California temporarily and he's hoping that she doesn't stay out there. Howard said that makes him sad. He'd rather have her close by.
Howard played the clip where Mark and Cameron say ''hi'' a bunch of times and then talk about what was going on with the shows they were involved with. It was like a back stage discussion but it was boring.
Howard said that the two guys from the new Star Trek and he thought they looked like a hot gay couple standing there. Howard said that he doesn't like that look that they had up there. Howard said that they had a lame conversation too according to what JD told him. He played that one real quick but they just got in a plug for the new Star Trek movie.
Howard said that he thought that Sacha Baron Cohen was funny on the show but the people in the audience were just sighing at his jokes. Sacha joked about people in the audience getting younger looking as they get older just like one of the movies up for nomination. They sighed at that and he got booed with a bunch of his jokes. Howard and the guys were laughing. Artie said the guy was fuckin' hilarious when he goofed on Guy Ritchie but the audience was sighing and booing him.
Howard had a clip of David Duchovny who made a reference to his wife and kid. Howard said that was kind of lame.
JD came in and told Howard about this clip of Drew Barrymore doing this valley girl type of voice during her pre-show interview. Howard played that quickly. Howard said he had some Tiki Barber audio too but he didn't think he sounded that odd. JD said that Tiki asked Steve Carrell to do something wacky for him.
Howard said that Jeremy Piven was at the show last night even though he had just walked off some Broadway show claiming he had mercury poisoning. In the clip he did talk about that poisoning so Howard said that maybe he did have something there.
Howard said that might be it for the good clips. He said he had some Kate Winslet rambling but he wasn't sure he wanted to hear that. Robin said that he would probably wonder what was wrong with her when he heard it. Howard said he'd play a little bit of it. Kate was out of breath and going nuts up there when she was accepting the award. Robin said it was just bad acting. Fred said that he saw her open up her purse that appeared to have about 5 speeches in it and grabbed the right one to take up on stage with her.
Howard said that the only people who deserve awards are Sean Penn, Meryl Streep and Mickey Rourke. Howard said that Marissa Tomei only took her top off in that movie so she doesn't deserve an award for that.
Howard said he heard that Tracy has a Facebook fan club now too. Howard played a few more songs where Tracy and Grillo were going off on each other over the music.
Howard and Robin talked about how Kevin Bacon and Kira Sedgwick were wiped out by that guy Bernard Madoff's scams. Howard said he felt really bad seeing them on the show last night after what they've gone through.
Howard read some e-mail about how Robin gets all worked up when a hot guy comes into the studio. Howard said he wasn't sure who they were referring to her getting all worked up over though. There was someone else who wants Gary to play Stump the Booey against Bubba so they can see Bubba's wife naked on the show.
Howard asked Gary what he thinks he weighs. Gary said he should be around 219 pounds. He said that he weighs the same every morning he's gotten up in the past 5 months. Howard said that maybe the shirt was just too small. Gary said that it's not his weight.
Howard said he was just trying to help Gary out. Gary said he loves it when he helps him. Gary got on the scale in the studio and came in at 221 pounds. He's only 5'9'' tall. Howard told him that's a lot of weight to be carrying around. Gary said he went out to a steak house this weekend at the Palms hotel and had a lot to eat.
Artie said that Gary has to have a stressful life. Gary said that he's trying not to smoke. He said he went to see a hypnotist about 2 years ago and it's kind of worked. Gary said he has had a cigarette but he's only smoked maybe a pack and a half in 2 years. Howard said that if you don't quick cold turkey, you will always go back. Howard said that if you keep smoking it's just going to get to be more and more.
Howard asked Gary if he had eaten all of the news department's candy. Gary said that's not true. He said that he's had some of their candy but not all of it. Howard had Lisa G come in to talk about that. Gary said that's just bullshit.
Gary said that he was at the Consumer Electronics show and Panasonic had a 150 inch plasma TV. He said that it was huge and almost like a movie screen. He said that he didn't get bored out in Vegas this time. Gary said that there were parties to go to and plenty to keep him from getting bored.
Robin asked Gary if he saw the new Palm Pre phone. Gary said he didn't see that. Howard said he has a Palm Treo that he can't really use to do things on the web. He wondered if he could use this new phone to do this stuff. Robin said that she thinks that he will.
Gary said that there were some little places at the event where small vendors would show off $100,000 speakers and he'd be sitting there all alone. Gary said there was a guy there who had a vinyl record cleaner that cost $3,500.
Gary said they had some 3D TV demonstrations going on and it was very cool. He said that he wasn't sure he wanted to even see it but it turned out to be very cool. Howard said he isn't sure he'd want to see TV in 3D. Gary said he'd probably change his mind if he saw it.
Artie was talking about how he bought some vinyl records and he puts them out on his coffee table as art. He said they just look cool. He said he'd love to be able to play them on a turntable but then he realized that he didn't want to go out and find a turntable and then install it. Howard told him to just throw them out because it will lead to him doing heroin.
Gary said that they're sending out albums on vinyl again now. He said that there are some people out there who are interested in it. Howard said that some bands are just trying to be cool with that stuff. He said that he's sick of these hippies who are doing stuff like that.
Gary said that Jackie was out at CES and he didn't know it until he was on his way home on his flight when he saw Jackie. Gary said that Jackie was out there pushing some stuff for the company that puts some of his stuff out.
Gary said that he went to the Adult Video News Awards and Thea Vidal was hosting that. He talked about how funny she was doing that. Gary said he met every porn star that has ever done their show before. He said he was asking questions out on the red carpet there. Gary said he was asking things like ''Have you ever vomited while giving oral?'' Some of the girls said that they had. One girl told him that she had thrown up McDonald's French fries on a guy.
Gary said that he had some audio of a puking blow job from a porno. Howard asked Robin if that had ever happened to her. She said it hadn't. Artie asked how big of a cock she had taken in her mouth before. Fred went into his Jim Florentine impression and said that he's 6 and a half inches so that's how much she was able to take.
Howard had some audio of Steven Adler from ''Sober House'' where they find some drugs on him. Adler claims that he hadn't worn those pants in 10 years and that's why there were needles in them.
Gary told Howard that the woman who is the house mother there in the Sober House is this chick who was really hot in the movie ''Blow'' but she's gotten quite heavy now. Howard asked Gary why he hasn't seen that show if they have a copy there. Gary wasn't sure why that was.
Howard played another clip of someone puking in the ''Sober House'' show. Howard said that he can't imagine being an adult and puking like that.
Gary said that he was asking the porn stars about having accidents during anal sex scenes and one girl told him about how she ended up squirting all over the place during anal. Gary said that was pretty funny. He said that he got a bunch of good stuff.
Al Rosenberg called in and said that he was actually the one who ate all of the candies in Lisa G's dish. He said that he left her a note once accepting the blame but he also left her some replacements last night when they were doing the Miserable Men show (Sunday nights at 7 on Howard 101).
Howard said that Gary is still over weight and he shouldn't weigh over 200 pounds. Gary said that he should weigh about 180 or 185. Howard told him he should be thinner than that. Robin asked Howard what he weighs. Howard said he's 194 pounds. The guys thought he was too thin. They also talked about Gary getting down to about 175 pounds and how good he looked back then.
Howard let Al go after that. He said that he thinks that Gary shouldn't have to lose weight for money and he should just do it for his health. Artie is a big mess too. Robin said that for someone Gary's height, he should be between 155 and 176 pounds. Artie said that he would look like a string bean if he was that weight. Gary said he always felt good at 185.
Howard told Gary that he should be able to limit his intake. He said that he's a grown man and he should be able to eat a reasonable amount of food. Howard said that he's able to eat one meal and not snake in between. Howard said that he could probably lose 3 pounds or so. He said that he thinks that he should be at 190 ideally. Artie said that would be a great weight.
Robin checked her chart and said that someone Howard's height should be around 181-207 or 162-175 with a thin frame. She said that was one inch shorter than Howard was though. Gary said that Fred was probably overweight. Fred admitted that he's probably overweight. Fred said he's 6'2'' or 3. Robin read her weight chart and Fred was about 10 pounds overweight. Gary was making fun of the whole thing and the chart wasn't gospel like Howard thought it was.
Howard told Gary that he needs someone to talk reality to him. He told him that he was just trying to help him out when he was telling him how bad he looked in the shirt today. Howard said he's just a little ''Baba Bloated'' today, that's all.
Howard said that he wanted to move on to the news block. He talked about how fat Richard Christy has gotten lately. Howard said that he's always eating and doesn't really exercise. Howard and the guys made fun of Richard for a few minutes. They were talking about how he goes to a Chinese restaurant where he can eat all he wants.
Richard came in and said that he's about 215 pounds and he's usually around 200. Robin said he should be between 151 and 163. Artie told him he was disgusting. He told him that it had gotten out of hand and they were going to test him to find out if he had kung pow chicken in his urine, they were going to send him to rehab.
Richard talked about this new Chinese restaurant that he found where they make this one meal that tastes like candy. Richard said he is trying to work out now too.
Howard said that he was on the Wrap Up Show on Thursday and he wondered if he had said anything worth replaying. Howard said that he went on thinking that the fans would like him on there but he tuned in later and heard the fans going off on him for ruining the show. Artie said that's insane. He wondered if the fans have lost their minds. Howard said he's never going on that show again because he gets negative calls. He said that he ended up getting into a fight with one of the callers.
Steve said that they have a story about a reporter at WFAN who is upset with the prank calls she's getting from someone who sounds like Sour Shoes. That led to Howard playing a bunch of Sour Shoes audio clips that Sal and Richard used to call Steve when they were prank calling him. Then they played some of Steve's responses to those prank calls.
Steve got back to his story about this woman at WFAN who has been getting calls. Steve said that he told her to report the calls. Steve also has a story about High Pitch Mike who got stiffed by a date over the weekend but it's been rescheduled to tonight. Steve said that you should contact them if you see Mike out on that date. Howard had to go to break after that.
Artie came in and said that he was listening to some of that Coffee House channel and he heard a remix of a Doors song and it was interesting but he wasn't sure if he liked it.
Artie said that his buddy sent him a ''Moons Over Mi-hami'' meal from Denny's. Howard said he wanted to see what it looked like. Artie said that the cake is still out in the hall too. Gary said he saw Tim having a piece of that.
Artie unwrapped his Denny's meal and it was all wrapped up as a sandwich. He thought it was a meal. Howard said it looked good. Artie said it's astonishing. It came with home fries. Howard asked if he was going to eat it. Artie said that he can't eat it because he just had that cake.
Artie was also saying that he was in Gary's office and saw his stash of peanut M&M's in his drawer. Gary said he had a weird thing happen out in the hall with Artie. Artie said that he's not going to do the piss test in front of him. Gary said that they could get a doctor to do it then. Artie said that the whole thing is off then. He said he's not going to do it in front of anyone. Howard said he thinks that Artie is using again if he won't do it now. Artie said that he will do it if they get a doctor then.
Gary asked Howard if he would take a group picture for their third anniversary after the show. Howard said he'll do that tomorrow, he doesn't have the time today.
Howard had Jon Hein give his Wrap Up Show preview after that. Jon ran down his list of subjects that they were going to try and cover today.
Robin had some news about a group that's trying to stop cell phone use during driving all together. Howard said he's all for that too.
Robin had some news about David Duchovny talking about his sex addiction when he was on the Golden Globe Awards.
Robin had a story about the pirates that are attacking ships over around Somalia. She said that they're holding cruise ships and tankers and others. She said that some pirates just drowned the other day when they were making off with the ransom they had just collected. They had collected a 3 million ransom on that boat. One of the pirates washed up on shore with over $150,000 on him. Artie asked Howard what he would do if he were a cop and found that guy with the money. Howard said he'd hand it in. Artie said he's not sure what he would do with it.
Artie said that he flew back from Florida with a guy last week an the guy was telling him about how he had given his money to this guy and asked him if he had given any of his money to that Madoff guy. Artie said that he was never able to find anything negative about this Madoff guy. He was always showing a return with the money people were giving to him. Some people weren't so lucky and went with the guy and lost their life savings. Kevin Bacon and his wife were part of that and they lost their savings to this guy. Artie said he feels really bad for them.
Howard said that the SEC had tips about this Madoff guy but they were busy investigating him instead. Robin had some other horror stories about families who lost money to that guy. She told Howard about some of those people.
Robin had some news about some twins that died this year. They used to be on Hee Haw. Robin had a story about Prince Harry using the tern ''pakie'' to describe a Pakistani guy. She had some audio of him saying that. Howard said he heard that he said some stuff about a black guy too and played a clip of Daniel Carver saying the N-word.
Robin had a story about a waiter at a Jewish wedding who had been at a Palestinian rally the day before. He ended up blaring some comments about that over the loud speaker at the wedding and ended up getting arrested. Fred threw in some Tracy ''Douche!'' clips during that.
Artie said that he thinks that Tracy is mad at him for bringing up the whole argument thing. He said he doesn't think that she wanted it brought to prominence like he did with it last week.
Robin had a some audio of Ricky Gervais talking about a joke he didn't get to use during the Golden Globes. That led to Artie talking about how funny he thinks that guy is. He said he wasn't a fan when he saw just part of his HBO special but then he saw the whole thing and thought the guy was really good. Howard said he doesn't know much about the guy but he did write the original ''The Office'' show and anyone who can do that is impressive to him.
Robin had some more Golden Globe Award news. She had some audio clips of some people accepting their awards and talking about it in other clips. She had some audio of Steven Spielberg talking about his award and that led to Howard talking about how much that guy must hate him. He said he saw him out in the Hamptons one time and the guy totally ignored him. He said he told Beth that he must really hate him to ignore him like that.
Robin had Howard play some of the Kate Winslet audio that he had played earlier. Fred threw in some of the Tracy ''Douche!'' audio clips so Howard said that she must not like Kate Winslet either.
Robin said that Heath Ledger won for his Joker performance. Howard said that he liked that movie but there were some better performances than that. Artie said that he never even saw the whole movie, he just saw the beginning of it.
Robin had some audio of Mickey Rourke and Bruce Springsteen that she had Howard play. Robin mentioned the movie ''Gran Torino'' and that led to Howard saying that he hasn't seen the movie yet. Artie said he thinks he has a copy of it and he'll get that to Howard. Howard couldn't believe that they send that stuff to Artie and not to him. Artie said that he's in the writer's guild and that's why he gets copies. Artie said that stuff goes to his mother so she may or may not have thrown it out. He said he'd bring it in if she didn't throw it out.
Robin read some news about the Barack Obama inauguration. Howard said that he wishes they'd just get this over with already. He said they're just dragging it out way too long. Robin had some audio clips of Barack talking about how he's willing to entertain any notions on how to start the country's economy up again. He was also talking about his family picking out a new dog for their move to the White House.
Robin had some audio of Roland Burris talking about his appointment and how he thinks that it's legitimate. Robin had some audio of Governor Rod Blagojevich talking about what's going on with him and how he's not guilty of any criminal wrong doing.
Robin had a story about Josh Duhamel and Fergie getting married over the weekend. She read about some of the people who were there at the wedding like Jerry O'Connell and Rebecca Romijn. Robin wrapped up a short time later. Howard ended the show around 10:40am.
Jon asked Gary if he expected him to come off the way he did today. Gary said he did. He said that they've asked Dr. Drew to come on the show before and things just didn't work for them. He said that he and Howard really like ''Celebrity Rehab'' and the guy is very credible and very straightforward with his patients. Gary said the guy handles it well and he comes across as a credible doctor.
Jon said that's true but Artie wouldn't let it go when he was going off on the guy for just wanting to be on TV. Gary said that Artie came out guns blazing and didn't let Dr. Drew attack him first. Jon said he figures that Dr. Drew has heard it all before because he's been a doctor for many years.
Gary said that Dr. Drew's assessment of Artie was so on the money. He said that he told him how he felt and even he didn't know how he felt. Jon said that Dr. Drew wasn't even flinching when Artie was goofing on him. He said that Artie was even giving the guy a hard time about not remembering him from the MAD TV thing.
Artie came in and said that he just heard Jon about to bad mouth him. Gary said that he really wasn't going to do that. Jon was defending him.
Artie got sidetracked and saw Benjy with a jacket on that he had a jizz stain on. Artie said that about 6 years ago Benjy came in with this ugly green jacket on and it had a huge stain on it that looked like a jizz stain on it. Artie said that he told him to buy a new jacket back then. He said that Benjy wore it but he didn't wear it last year. He said he kind of liked Benjy's new look that was like a Sam Kinison look. He said he congratulated him on getting rid of the jizz jacket and now today he's wearing it again.
Benjy said that he had gone a couple of years without wearing it. He said he got it in 1991. Benjy said that that it's too hard to pick a good jacket and he's a perfectionist about some stuff. Artie said that's not true, he's the direct opposite of perfect.
Gary told Benjy that he looks disheveled and unkempt all the time so he's really not a perfectionist. Artie told him that he's just awful. He told him he was gross to be wearing that jacket. Benjy said he hasn't worn it in about 3 years but yesterday it was so cold that he had to wear it. Jon told Benjy to get a new coat.
Artie said that Benjy had to have fucked that jacket. He said that there has to be diseases all over it. Benjy said that unlike Artie he doesn't just throw things out after he's fucked them.
Jon tried to move things along and asked Artie about why he was attacking Dr. Drew today. Artie said that Dr. Drew is taking advantage of the fuck ups in Hollywood by having them on his show. He said that the people they don't throw out are causing others on the show not to get proper treatment. Gary asked if that means that he doesn't have the ability to treat people. Artie said that he's not judging the guy. He said that the kind of guy he wants to go to is the kind of doctor who wouldn't want to put him on TV. Artie said that he's not judging Drew based on that but he doesn't think it's right to do what he's doing with that TV show.
Artie said that if Drew thinks he's such a great doctor, he shouldn't be doing what he's doing with the TV show.
Gary wanted to get off of that topic and asked Artie what he thought of Drew's assessment of him. Jon told him to hold on and had Teddy play a clip from the interview where Drew was telling Artie he deserves a better life.
After the clip Artie said that he doesn't want to be dead, he doesn't want to join his father in death. Artie said that the reason he might still be doing heroin might be because of some of the stuff they talked about but he really doesn't want to be dead.
Artie said that the death thing might be what keeps causing him to go back to drugs. Artie said that he may put his father up on a pedestal that's not very true. Artie said that he did remember thinking that he'd be fine if someone broke into the apartment as long as his father was there. He said he doesn't believe that now though.
Gary said that Artie said something today that shocked him. He said that he hadn't been sober for more than 11 months since he was 17. Artie said that he's been drinking since before his father's accident. He said he doesn't blame his father for the road he took. He said that he's not sure what his father would have tolerated what he was doing back then. He said that he's not sure his father would have let him fuck up as much as he did either.
Jon said that Artie talked about suicide in his book and he wondered if he had thought about that recently. Artie wasn't really answering them on that. He was talking about the conditions at the wellness center he was staying at and how there's no way Gary would have spent any time there either.
Gary asked Artie how many days he paid for at that place. Artie said that he paid for 3 weeks and only spent about 4 days there.
Jon figured that they should get off of that subject and move on since Dr. Drew did say that they shouldn't do that. Artie said that this whole thing got bent out of proportion. He said that he's really not that much of a fuck up.
Gary asked Artie if he would do that ''Celebrity rehab'' if they paid him half a million bucks. Artie said he would do it. He said he'd do the other show too if they gave him another half million.
Gary brought up the lies that Artie has told to them over the past few months. Artie said that Gary has lied to his parents about drinking and doing coke. Artie said that Gary could have gotten caught with coke and he could have been sent to rehab if he had gotten into an accident any night he was on coke. Gary told Artie that he hasn't done coke since 1985 or 86. Artie said that Gary has told him that he's done it more than that. Gary said he's not having a recurring thing going on in his life.
Artie said he knows he has a problem and it's a recurring thing in his life. He said he's not Steven Adler or Gary Busey though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it was an honor to speak to Artie. Artie got a laugh out of that. The caller asked if the Dr. Drew thing was sprung on Artie today or if he knew that he was coming on. Gary said that he wasn't brought in just to fuck with Artie. Artie said he didn't know the guy was coming in until Howard mentioned it this morning.
Gary said that they had notes about Dr. Drew that Will had put together and they had some information about the whole Artie thing. Artie said that they had to know that it was going to be a big part of the interview. Gary said that of course they knew that.
Gary and Jon brought up the drug testing thing and wondered if Artie was going to go through the whole thing. Artie said that if they bring in a doctor they'd better have a stripper doctor. Gary said he could ask Savanna Samson to come in and do it. Artie told Gary to just get a doctor.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary how much he was smoking when he was smoking the most. Gary said it was probably a pack a day. Gary said he started smoking when he was about 13 and smoked until he was 27. Then he started again when he was 38 or 39 and smoked until about 2 years ago.
The caller also asked if he was wearing that shirt that Howard was busting on him about. Gary was still in it. The caller asked him to put his hand under his arm and move his hand up under his breast. Gary said he's not that fat and his finger wasn't getting lost under his breast.
Artie said he had to get going after that. He was getting bored. Artie said that they stop selling clean piss in Newark after noon. Then he quoted Robert Mitchum and Nick Nolte from some movie or some crazy thing like that. He ended on that but Jon said he was going to ask him about Bill Parcells. Artie was on his way out and ended up coming back to talk about that.
Artie went off on Parcells for a few minutes and said that he's the Dr. Drew of sports. Artie was also quoting Ralph Cirella from about 6 years ago where he called the Philly fans a bunch of dirt bags. A Philly fan told him that if he ever saw him at a game, he was going to throw him off the 700 level. Artie said he's seen Philly fans trip guys who are wearing shirts that don't belong at the games.
Ralph called in and said he remembers that stuff vaguely. He said that he was talking to Booker about a year ago and he reminded him about that caller that time. Artie said that guy was scary. Artie said that they have a jail at the stadium there in Philly. He said he talks about that in his stand-up act. He said that's how messed up those people are down there. Artie told that story to the guys again and said that they showed that jail on TV one time and this drunk guy was up in front of the judge and the judge told him to tell him something that could get him out of there. The kid just said ''Troy Aikman is a fag.'' Artie said that he would have let the guy go if he was the judge.
Ralph said that he knows what's going on with Artie. He said that Artie is just a drama queen. Artie said that he's right. Anyone who goes into show business has to have a bit of that drama queen thing in them. Ralph said that Artie could have called and asked for another week off from the show but he puts himself into these situations where he has to go out and buy drugs and stuff.
Gary said that Artie has told them that he can't take boredom and he has to create the drama to keep from getting bored. Ralph said that's probably why he lies a lot too. Teddy played some Bad Company as they were getting ready to go to break. Artie started singing along to that so they stuck with him through most of the song. They also talked about the band and some of the bands that have covered it. Iced Earth, the band that Richard Christy was in, covered it. They went to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that maybe Artie is creating his own destiny. The guys talked about how Artie really seems to want to live and that's what he was telling them earlier. The caller said that whole thing kind of blew him away.
Jon brought up Howard's birthday and asked Gary if Howard really was bummed out by it. Gary said that he really did seem to be bummed out. He said he bought Howard a gift and when he gave it to him, Howard told him that it was enough and he didn't have to give him anything.
Gary said that they used to do these birthday shows for Howard to really celebrate his birthday but it eventually got so big that it was very hard to get guests that would impress Howard. He said that the guests are always on to promote stuff too so it's tough to get anyone to come on and not promote stuff.
Jon had Teddy play a clip of Ralph calling in first thing in the morning wishing Howard a Happy Birthday and Howard talking about how he's over the whole birthday celebration thing.
After the clip Gary said that Howard used to like the birthday shows but eventually wanted to end it. He said that Howard kept it going a little longer than he wanted to. He said he kept it going because the fans liked it.
That led to the guys talking about Gary's shirt that Howard was commenting on. Gary said that he went back an looked at the shirt in the bathroom but didn't think he looked so bad. He said that he looks uncomfortable in the shirt but he didn't think that he looked fat like Howard did.
Jon also asked Gary about the missing candy from the news department. Gary said that he wasn't the one who took it but he likes how he's the prime suspect in the crime.
Jon was also talking about the weight issues that people have there. Benjy said that he's still trying to lose weight but he's not sure he's lost much since he last talked about it.
Another caller said that the whole Artie thing is getting old on the show and maybe they should back off. Gary said that's what Dr. Drew told them to do and the constant badgering isn't helping. Benjy thought that Drew was also saying that the talk therapy thing could be bad too. Jon said that he did hear something like that. They talked about Artie again after that.
The guys were also talking about how Artie said that he wasn't going to go to rehab if they did find that he was back on drugs again. Gary said that Artie wouldn't lie about anything like that. Benjy wondered what they would do if Artie got kicked out of rehab. Gary said he really didn't know.
The guys also talked about Howard cutting the tag out of his shirt and putting a hole in it. Benjy said that he can imagine why it would bug him if he had spent $150 on a shirt and put a hole in it.
Jon asked Gary who he thought hit the Howard Birthday cake the hardest. Teddy said that he saw Tim eating a lot of it. He said that he didn't have as big of a piece as some of the guys had though. Gary said that the cake will still be there by Wednesday and it'll be all mangled by that time.
Jon asked Gary who was pushing for the 3rd anniversary picture today. Gary said that was Tim and the news department.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they can get a drug test from the drug store. Gary said that he's going to get a doctor who can give them a real drug test instead of having Artie saying that it's not a legitimate test. The caller said that he used to cheat on those things but they ended up putting a temperature sensor on the tests so they can tell if you fake it.
Jon said that they had to wrap up the Wrap Up Show. Gary got in a plug for an appearance that he was making at some bar in Connecticut. They ended the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show talking about the stuff they hadn't gotten to in the past few weeks. Howard also noticed that Robin had some roses in her booth. Robin said they were from her Secret Santa.
Howard said he heard that Stuttering John had to shave his head on the Tonight Show because he lost a bet to Kevin Eubanks. Howard said they still don't let John talk much on that show even when he has to shave his head. Howard said that John has shaved his head before. Robin said that he did it right there on the show. Howard said that he thinks he's on the Tonight Show more than John is these days and he doesn't even do that show.
Artie said that the worst show in the world is on TV now. He said it's called ''Bromance.'' Artie said that Bruce Jenner's kid is on that show and other guys are trying to be friends with the guy. Howard said that Brody Jenner is supposed to be on the show tomorrow actually. Artie apologized but Howard told him not to worry about it.
Richard Christy said he likes the show but only because it's really bad. Richard said that one guy left the show in the first episode and he thinks that the guy may have left because he thought he was going to get to fuck Brody Jenner. JD said that he hates the show, he hates Brody Jenner and he hates MTV. He said that one guy got a tattoo just like Brody had just so he could be his friend.
Howard said this conversation was kind of gay and he didn't want to talk about that anymore. He said he watches The Bachelor where men date women. Artie said he tried watching some of that and the chicks weren't all that hot. Howard said there were a couple who were decent but they're nuts.
Howard said that the Bachelor guy is a decent looking guy and he could meet women but he apparently wants to do it on TV. Howard said that at least it's a man meeting women and not guys trying to be friends with another guy.
Howard said that Artie got him a birthday gift. He said he's kind of embarrassed in a way because he's an older guy and no one has to get him gifts. He said he's very happy about that though. Artie got him a pen set from Asprey. Artie said that he had to do something for the guy who shut down a whole pizzeria for his birthday so he got him two pens. Howard thanked him for that.
Howard said they were ball point pens but he wished they were roller ball. Artie said that there is no winning with Howard. Howard said he will learn to use them.
Howard said that Gary got him some bottles of wine. Robin said she got him some wine as well and they were recommended by a wine expert. Howard said that Robin gave him a great 50th birthday party 5 years ago and she had a guy there who was a wine expert. He said his name was something like ''Deriousche'' and goofed on Robin about the way she introduced that guy. Howard talked about how great that party was and how he will never forget that name ''Deriousche.'' That led to Fred playing some Tracy ''Douche'' song parodies and sound clips.
Robin told Howard that she got him 3 wines and she just hasn't brought them in yet. Howard asked why she wouldn't bring them in on his birthday. Robin said that she doesn't know what day his birthday is. She said that she forgot a bunch of stuff and even forgot to pick up her car yesterday. Howard told her that she might be getting a little carried away with herself. Robin said that when Ralph called yesterday and wished him a happy birthday, she didn't even know it was the 12th. Robin claims that she's even forgotten her own birthday.
Howard said that if Robin were embarrassed she wouldn't be carrying on like this. He had a new song parody about Robin from the Bleeding Deacons. It was called ''Big Juicy Ass'' to the tune of Bruce Springsteen's ''Pink Cadillac.''
Artie said that he can't imagine buying Howard wine, he didn't even get the pen thing right. Howard asked Robin what she thinks is an expensive bottle of wine. Robin said that they're these bottles she got for Howard. Howard asked how much they cost her. She said that they were about $400 a bottle. Howard said that is pretty high priced. Howard said that he's had a bottle of $400 wine for a while now and he looked it up to see how much it cost because that's how he bases wether or not he's going to like it.
Howard said he put this bottle away for a special occasion and he wondered who was good enough for that wine. He said that he could open it for his agent because he's into wine. Howard said that he only comes over like once a year though. Howard told Beth that they should just drink it. Robin said that she wants Howard and Beth to just enjoy it and not wait. Howard said that this bottle was really good too. It was Chateau Le Feit or something like that.
Howard asked Artie why his sister buckled in and let him go to the party. Artie said he broke her down by calling and telling her that the whole family was going to be there and he wanted to be there for her 40th birthday.
Artie said his family just jokes around about everything and they didn't bother him about the rehab stuff. Artie said they didn't discuss any of that stuff that night. Artie said he could tell that Stacy was annoyed with him. Artie said that everyone knows Stacy's problems now.
Artie said that Stacy's friend made her a Barney's bag cake and it looked amazing. Howard asked Artie what he did during the toast. Artie said that he was eating and didn't drink. He said he hasn't even been drinking that much soda lately. He said when he was in that wellness center he was being starved. He said an apple was like a steak dinner to him down there.
Gary said that this guy is 6'11'' tall and a really huge guy. Howard said he knows, he's seen the guy at Knicks games. Howard said he hasn't been playing much lately because he's been injured.
Howard read some more of the article and found that the driver had a criminal history himself so the story could be fake.
Howard said that he was reading about this Victoria Beckham in the NY Post today and he finds her really sexy. Howard said that she loves to dress hot even when she's just walking her kid around. Howard said she looks really sexual even when she's doing that. Howard said she looked like a hot piece of ass in the picture. Fred said he doesn't dig her. He said she's too skinny and her fake boobs are too big. Howard said he would bend her over and but it in her. Artie agreed with Fred and said he would step over her live body to dry hump Jennifer Aniston.
Artie said that Spitzer's whore looks hotter than that chick. Howard said that he thinks the more he sees of her the less hot she gets.
A caller told Howard that Terry Bradshaw was on the Tonight Show last week and he may have been a little tipsy and he was ripping on Jay. Howard said it was probably all joking around and he didn't know anything about that. Howard said that he's not a fan of Jay's show and he's also thinking that Stuttering John should be a little miffed about the way they treat him on that show. John just gets to hold up a coffee cup at the start of the show.
Howard said John went to that show thinking he was going to be the new Ed McMahon and told them that he was going to be moved to the couch. Howard said that never happened. He said that John was all hopped up about the show and he thinks that Jay courted him and brought him out on a motorcycle ride or something. They actually went for ice cream out there. Howard said that John was all excited about that.
The caller interrupted Howard so Howard asked him if he wanted to continue. Howard asked him why he was talking. The guy said he was listening now.
Howard said that John got all excited and within a month of getting out there he was the announcer for the show. He was doing the announcing for the show so Fred did his impression of what that would sound like. He did his impression of John for a few seconds. Howard said he wanted to hear the audition tape that John had sent in for that job.
Howard said that he gets reports from people about what John is up to there. He has no writing credits so he's not a writer. He's just an announcer. Howard said that Jay, within weeks, couldn't relate to John and they shut him down. Howard said they have John pre-tape his introductions so he's not even doing those live. Howard said that he figured they weren't happy about what was going on with him.
Artie said that John could have fucked up in front of a live audience or something. He's not sure that's what happened though. Howard said that John's ''thing'' on the show is to hold up his coffee cup and that's what he created over there. Howard said they put John in less and less stuff on that show now.
Howard said he saw the bit where John had to shave his head but they didn't let him say a word. Howard said that Jay was basically calling John an asshole during that bit too. Howard said that Jay is a shithead when it comes to that stuff.
Howard said that John likes to shave his head so it wasn't really that big of a deal. Robin said that Johnny Carson used to banter with his guys on the show. Jay isn't like that at all.
Howard said that if John could speak he'd probably come on the show and tell them what's really going on over there. Howard said he must be thrilled about getting paid a ton of money to do nothing. Howard said the writers are happy they don't have to deal with John but he could be wrong about all of that stuff.
Robin asked what she thinks will happen with Jay's new prime time TV show. Howard said he thinks that Jay has been humiliated by what he's said and he will give John a job. Howard said that to fire John would be very upsetting to Jay because it would prove that he fucked this guy over royally. Howard said that's only because of what has gone down between him and Jay.
Gary came in with the audition tape that John sent in to the Leno show. Scott the Engineer had recorded it and John hasn't spoken to him in 5 years because he had promised to never play it on the air. Howard said that Scott should have come to him immediately back then when John asked him to do the recordings. Howard said that John didn't want to pay for a recording session so he did it in secret with Scott. Artie said that they have to give Scott credit for giving Howard the tape. He said that John used to torture Scott for 15 years and Scott finally got his revenge.
Howard played the tape and we heard John doing intros for people like Pamela Anderson. He said ''Pamaler'' when he said her name. Howard and the guys were goofing on John and the way he kept saying ''Pamaler'' and things like that.
Howard said that this was the most absurd pick in the history of TV. He said that it doesn't make any sense making Stuttering John an announcer. Howard said that means that anyone could be an announcer. Howard said that it's obvious that they only picked him to be on the show because he had been on his show.
Howard played more of the audition tape where they heard John saying Nicholas Cage's name as ''Niggerless Cage.'' That led to Fred doing his impression of John saying that name. Artie was laughing at all of that. He was doing an impression of Jay telling John that he had gotten his audition tape and asking him to send a real tape instead of a joke tape.
Howard had Fred doing the John impression where he was saying the ''Niggerless Cage'' thing. Howard continued to play the tape of John going through those names and screwing them up each time. Fred got a laugh every time he heard John say ''Pamaler Anderson.''
Howard said that John had actually done a David Letterman audition in one clip. Howard said each one had it's own unique style.
Howard said he thinks that John is probably upset about the way he's been treated since he moved out there. Howard said he figures that John was hoping to get in on the writing and stuff like that. Meanwhile he's been pushed to the side and been shut down. Howard said that he's just the announcer now and he pre-records that stuff. Howard said maybe he's liking it out there. He said he'd like to know what John would say if he could speak out about it.
Artie said that Jay has to have told them if he's bringing everyone to the new show or not. Howard said that Jay is heartless and he probably hasn't told anyone anything. They're just going to do the Tonight Show all over again anyway so it's no big deal.
Artie said that he likes Jimmy Fallon, who is taking over for Conan, but he's going to be at the tail end of four hours of talk shows. Howard said that Conan was going to be the 11:30 guy and now Jay is screwing that up by going on at 10. Howard said that they're finally going to make Jay into the joke that he is. He said that it should fail when Jay moves to prime time.
The caller on the line said that he heard Howard on the Wrap Up Show last week and thinks that the callers are all ridiculous. The caller said that some callers just complain about the stuff they don't like. He said he thinks that they should just change the channel if they don't like it. The guy also didn't get why the caller was asking about Beth's vagina yesterday.
Howard said people think that they're comedians. He said he just played along with that guy yesterday. He said they know Pittsburgh Pete, who made that call, and he was just trying to be funny. Howard said it's all good to him and he doesn't mind that stuff.
Artie said that everyone thinks that they're funny. Howard said that he has people come up to him and say that they think that they're just like him and they're as funny as he is. Howard said that hot chicks are guilty of that. They think that they're funny but people are only laughing at them because they're hot. He said that once they get old and ugly, people stop laughing at them.
Howard said he's not sure what to make of that call. He said that Blue is wild. Howard said he believes that she's not in the hospital but he's not sure about that. Robin said she thought she was in the hospital the last time they checked in with her.
Howard said that American Idol premiere's tonight. Howard said that Eric the Midget will be watching. Howard had Eric on the line so he asked him if he's doing a show tonight. Eric said he will be doing that tonight. They do that at JFSC.tv. Eric said that he knows a person who might be on the show that may have tried out for this season's American Idol show.
Howard said that he doesn't think that Eric is going to be that into the show this season because he's gotten laid now. Howard said Eric has grown up now and he may be more into pussy than American Idol. Eric said he thinks that he'll still be into the show.
Howard said he thinks that Eric will be more into the girls at the Bunny Ranch than Diana DeGarmo. Eric won't be able to get a Diana DeGarmo now and he'll be thinking more about the pussy at the Bunny Ranch.
Howard asked Eric if he's going to change the format for his show. Eric said that he may be changing one of his co-hosts because that person won't let another person come on that he wants on. Eric said that he won't let her come on because she works at the Bunny Ranch. Eric said that he wants her on because she tried out for Idol.
Howard asked Eric if he can control his show and override the guy. Eric said that he should be allowed to do that. Howard said he's surprised to hear that.
Eric asked them to hold on a second. He said that he had to make sure that his microphone on his computer was closed. He didn't want the call streaming on his computer. Artie told him to stick the mic up his ass. Eric told Artie he had enough to fit a few up his ass.
Eric said that his store is back open in time for Valentine's day. You can find out more at JFSC.tv/ETA. As he was getting in his plugs for that Artie just laughed his ass over him so it was almost impossible to hear him.
Eric said that he's going to be going to a Sacramento Kings game and he'll be making an appearance there. Howard asked if he's just going to the game like he did last time. Eric said that was a different team and this time he's doing an appearance. Robin asked what he's going to be doing there. Howard said he goes to his seat and waits for people to come over and say hi to him.
Howard said that it would be like him going to a Knicks game. People just come up and say hi to him. Eric said that he's getting a percentage of the ticket sales for this game. Howard said he's got this figured out. This guy James W. Morris is selling tickets for the game. If they can get tickets sold, they'll give Eric a cut. Howard said it's stupid. Robin said that it is a weird deal.
The last time Eric did this they didn't sell any tickets. Eric said that you can find out the e-mail address on his Myspace page.
Howard said that JD is driven nuts by these shows that Eric does. JD said that he has passed out listening to Eric's show. Howard said that he had some clips from last season where they were doing this ''show'' and Eric's co-host, Gina, was asking for some questions and they were getting feedback. Artie was laughing his ass off at all of that. Howard played a couple of clips from those shows where Eric and Gina were talking over one another as they were talking about the Idol stuff.
JD asked for a set end time for his Q and A thing because he wants to know when he can stop recording. Eric said that he's not sure there will be a Q and A thing this year or not. Eric said he's not sure if that went well last year.
Howard played another clip from Eric's show from last year where Gina told Eric that the season of Idol sucked all around and she wasn't even able to follow it. Then Eric kicked a person out of the chat for asking about him flying with balloons. JD said he likes that part of the show where he kicks people out of the room.
Eric said that he's just going to be doing the commentary for the show this season. Robin asked where the commentary was. Howard played another clip where Gina was getting very irritated by the Idol show. Then Eric kicked Joey Boots out of the chat for saying ''Ack, Ack'' to him. Howard said that it sounds like it's more of Eric watching the chat and talking about that instead of watching Idol.
Howard said he can't wait to hear the new season with Eric. JD said he can't wait to come in at 11 o'clock and listen to that. Artie said that show sounds like a big piece of steaming shit. Artie said goodbye to Eric and said he'd see him at the Kings game. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard listened to more of the Queen song and said that he wanted to get off of the Jay Leno thing but he brought up David Duchovny being on the Tonight Show last night. Howard said that his first question would be about his sex addiction or marriage. Howard said that Jay didn't bring up that stuff at all. He played some audio of the interview where they played each of Jay's questions and cut out most of the bullshit. Jay talked to David about his TV show, basketball, the Golden Globe Awards, his kids, and his TV show again. That was it. Howard said that nothing was going on in David's life according to that interview.
Howard said that The View is even better than the Tonight Show. Howard said that even they wouldn't ignore all of that totally.
Howard said that the women on The View had Ann Coulter on and picked on her. Howard said that it sucked because all of the women were talking over one another. Howard said that Ann is really wacky and that's what she's known for these days. Howard said that she just throws out weird comments to get some kind of reaction.
Howard played some of the audio from an interview that Ann Coulter was doing but it wasn't from The View. Howard asked JD where that stuff was. JD came in and said that he hadn't put that stuff on the computer yet. Howard said Ann was supposed to be on the show but she didn't show up.
Howard asked JD how his zit was doing. He said he had a caller on the line who wanted to know. Howard took a look and it wasn't looking so bad. JD didn't want them taking close ups of it so he got all uptight about it. Howard told him not to get so uptight.
Howard asked JD why he's so weird. JD said that he just is weird. Howard asked him if he's been leaving the zit alone. JD mumbled something and didn't finish his sentence. Howard asked Fred what he thinks is wrong with JD. Fred said that he can't finish a thought. He said that it's like hopping along logs in a stream.
Howard asked JD how he's going to be a director if he can't finish a thought. Fred was goofing on JD doing his impression as if he were doing a film and yelling out ''Cut, no, action...''
Artie said that JD has been shooting video at his gigs and he didn't want to go to this gig he did last week so he blew it off. JD said he was sick. Howard asked JD if he has to get his film career started soon. JD said that he thinks about that a lot. Artie told JD that Spielberg made Jaws at 28. JD said he wanted to make a movie by the time he was 22 or 23. That never happened.
Howard asked Jim if he knew that Florentine was going out with Robin. Jim said that he had heard about that. He didn't know that they had broken up. Howard asked Jim about his father being racist when he was growing up and if he thinks that his father would have freaked out about Robin going out with a white guy. Jim said that he may have gotten upset back in the day but not these days. Jim said that he heard the N-word in his house a lot and he and his buddies would go out in the street and try to get one to chase them down.
Howard asked Robin what's going on with Florentine and if she thinks that they could get that started up again. Robin said that they will see Jim back on the show soon. Gary said that he's going to be on in mid to late February.
Fred went into his Jim Florentine impression and had some fun talking about what he and Robin do when they go out. Breuer said that the impression was amazing. Fred, as Florentine, said that he doesn't waste his time with Bush and Obama impressions.
Howard asked Breuer about Robin dating Jim. Breuer said that he was kind of shocked when he found out about it because Jim is known to be so juvenile. He said that it just throws him off to think about it. Jim said that Florentine talks about his sex romps and stuff and that just doesn't fit with Robin.
Howard told Breuer that Robin had come in one day and said that Florentine was ''deep.'' Robin said she's sticking by that. Breuer said that he never saw that side of Jim and he's been friends with him for a really long time.
Howard asked Breuer if he ever did drugs. Jim said that he did pot but not anymore. Jim said that he got tired of the whole thing. He said that he did it for the giggles but then his mind started to go to weird places and he didn't need the pressure. He said he never got involved in the hard stuff. Jim said that he drinks wine now but that's about it.
Lisa read a story about Joey Boots moving to Florida to get away and change his life. He wants to move away from New York. Lisa said that Joey had taken a bunch of Xanax pills and now he wants to move to Miami to get away from that. Howard said that this isn't going to help him out. Moving doesn't help you get over that stuff. Lisa is that he's going to move in with a friend that he met in a rehab. Joey is looking to give up his cat to a good home. You can e-mail Joey at JoeyBoots@aol.com if you can help.
Howard said that it can be hard to make things like that happen. Jim said that he gets that they're not all about that whole thing. Jim said that he wanted to get back out there and do his thing. Now he gets to do the show on Raw Dog 104 and XM 150 on Friday from 4-6pm. He said that Pete left the show. He said that Pete was upset that they wouldn't give him a gig there so he started stealing shit. Jim said that if Howard is missing anything then they can probably blame Pete.
Jim said that Pete stole some recording equipment and stuff like that. He said that Pete felt that he put his heart and soul into being there and they didn't do anything to help him out. Jim said that Pete doesn't want anything to do with the building now and won't come back and do his show. Jim said that they don't even know that he took anything yet.
Jim said that it's just going to be him doing the show. He's hoping that Pete will eventually ween himself back onto the show. Howard said that he'll probably come back. Howard said he's happy if Jim is happy that he's back.
Jim said that he tried to work out stuff with them there and things weren't working out. He said that he's glad they finally settled on this new schedule.
Howard asked Jim about his father because he had heard that he had started shitting his pants. Jim said that is true and he's been doing it for a while now. The guy is 85 years old and he just can't hold his bowels. Jim said that he feels it coming on and you have about 8 seconds before it comes out.
Jim said that he was playing a place down in Kentucky and they were out at this big tourist spot. He said that they were visiting his father's sister and his father told him he had to shit. They started heading for the bathroom and they made it maybe 5 feet before he dumped it all in his pants. Jim said that he started dry heaving.
Jim said that it's funny but it's really not funny. Jim said he loves the guy. He said he brought him into this little Irish pub and the people could smell the shit as they walked through. He said that the shit was all the way down to his socks.
Jim said that he locked his father in the stall of the bathroom and had to go out shopping for him. Jim said that now he's learned his lesson not to let his father go out before he shits at home. Jim said that he learned his lesson after having to hose out his car for the fourth time. He said his mother gets all upset when he shits and goes off on him when he calls over there to find out what's going on. Jim said that his father is a World War II vet and he deserves some respect from her.
Howard asked why his mother isn't more respectful of him. Jim said that's just the way they are. He said that they're still together after all of these years. Jim said that it's that WWII era kind of relationship.
Jim said he told his father not to touch anything in the stall of that bathroom. He said that his father would try to take off the clothes and he'd end up getting shit all over the place. Jim said that he went to the mall and found some sweat pants for his father. He said that his father is pretty big so he had to get big stuff for him.
Jim said he got the sweat pants and found some redneck in the stall of the bathroom. Jim said that he told the guy that he had a situation there. The guy told him that he was next. Jim said that he tried to explain to the guy what was going on but he didn't get it. Jim eventually opened up the stall to show him what was going on. Then the guy finally got it.
Jim said he helped his father out and got him in the sweat pants. Jim said that he must have dry heaved 1000 times while he was doing it. Jim did the impression of that and said that he was getting sick just thinking about it. Jim said that he had a bag that he put the stuff in and his father was looking ridiculous with the sweat pants on.
Jim said that when they walked out of the bathroom there was a crowd there who wanted to take pictures with ''the goat man.'' Jim said that they loved that character on SNL. Jim said that it's a good thing he wasn't a Donkey Boy or something. Howard asked Jim why there was never a Goat Boy movie. Jim said that he's not sure people could put up with that for 2 hours.
Howard asked Jim if he did the goat thing in his stand-up. Jim said that he used to get stoned and walk around the zoo. He said that he would watch the gorillas and cry. Artie said that's when you have to get weed out of your life. Jim said that he used to stare at the giraffes and stuff too. Then he would go and watch the goats and laugh at them. He said that he would laugh his ass off at them the more they would bah. Jim said he thought that noise was hilarious. He had Howard and Artie laughing their asses off as he was talking about that.
Jim said that he did get kicked out of a zoo one time. He said that they asked him to leave because he was creeping people out.
Jim said he went to SNL one time and told them that he wanted to do this character that had Tourette's but he would bah like a goat. Jim said that they thought he was nuts when he pitched the idea. Jim said his hook was that whenever the guy would drink or get nervous, the more the goat would come out. Jim told Howard that the original idea was to just throw in the goat noises once in a while and then he'd be drinking and do more. Jim said he had no ending for the bit but he knew that the goat thing was funny.
Howard said that it's brilliant but he wondered how he got it on TV. Jim said that a couple of weeks later one of the writers came up with an idea for the bit. He said that the guy said that he liked the angle that he sings and thought about him singing 80s songs. Jim figured the guy was just as bonkers as he was. Jim said he thought that was stupid to just sing 80s songs. Jim said that the first bit was that 80s songs thing.
Howard asked if they ruined goat boy by naming him ''Goat Boy.'' Jim said that they did kind of do that and he didn't want to name the guy anything. He said they wanted to do a movie with him where he would be a super hero that was a goat man.
Howard said that Jim had to water down the idea and that's kind of sucky. He said that's when Jim needs his own show. Jim said that it is hard to convey why it's funny. He said that it just is funny. Howard asked if Lorne Michaels thought he had wasted his money on him. Jim said that Loren actually loved the character.
Jim said that Tom Hanks came on the show one time and that's when they came up with the Goat Boy talk show idea. They thought they were going to keep him in the 80s though. Jim said he didn't want to do that but it did end up working pretty well. Howard said that he liked the whole character.
Howard gave Jim some plugs for an appearance he's making down in Sayreville, New Jersey this week. Jim said that he does clean stuff in his act and doesn't curse. He said that his kids go on his web site and stuff so he keeps it clean. Howard said that you can find out more at JimBreuer.com and PrimeTimeComedyOnline.com.
Howard asked Jim if his father is going to be at the gig. Jim said he might have to bring him out on the road with him. Fred played some fart sounds as they were talking about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Jim to tell the story about calling a bomb threat into a Sears store. Jim said he was about 18 years old at the time. Jim said he was a nice guy class clown back then but Howard thought he sounded like a trouble maker. Jim said that he didn't take things to the point where they would hurt anyone.
Jim said that he knew he was going to be a comedian after he heard Steve Martin's album ''Lets Get Small.'' He said that it was Pryor, Carlin and Kinison after that. Jim said that Kinison was the one who was huge for him. He said that he saw Sam perform a couple of times live.
Jim said that this guy Carl Lebeau was up before Sam and he thought that Sam wasn't going to be able to follow the guy. Then Sam came out and killed. The second time he saw Sam it was horrible. He said Sam was all drunk and a complete mess. Artie said he saw Sam one time and he didn't even finish his act because he was so drunk.
Howard asked about this bomb threat thing. Jim said that his brothers were cops so he was hooked up with the PBA cards. He said that he was working at Sears and he just wanted to have some fun working there. He said he worked in the paint department and they had a hardware section right next to them. They had this new guy there in hardware who was in his 30s at least. He said that they would mess with them over there all the time and move tools around and stuff. One of the paint guys got kicked out by the new guy in hardware. Jim said that he called up the hardware department as Muammar Khadafi because they had that whole Libya thing going on back then. He told the guy that they had just sent 6 missiles to hit the hardware department in Valley Stream. The guy was taking it down as information like it was a legitimate call. Jim said that he even ended the call with ''Long live the paint department!''
Jim said that he went to the break room later on and there was no one around in the store. There were no workers, no people, no one. Jim said that a security guy came in and told him to get out of there because they had a bomb threat. The guy told him that the new guy in hardware had told him that they got a bomb threat. Then Jim made the mistake of telling him that he was the one who made the call. Jim said that he had to explain what was going on and had to talk to the cops, the president of the Sears unit that he worked for and people like that. Jim said that he met with the Sears guy and that guy asked him what happened. Jim said that he had finished up his paint work and explained what he did. He said that they ended up laughing about the whole thing and it was over.
Howard asked Jim about not liking David Spade. Jim said he liked David, he just didn't believe that he was dating Heather Locklear.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Breuer is hysterical. He said he went to see him one night at the Comic Strip and he was hysterical there. The guy said he blew him away when he saw him back then and he got out of comedy because of him.
Howard took a call from Hanzi who asked if Jim had spoken to Dave Chappelle. Jim did an impression of Chappelle and said that he hasn't spoken to him in a long time. He said he was kind of hurt for a while but he's gotten over that.
Howard told Jim that he thinks that he's going to get put in a movie after this appearance. Jim said that he hopes he does and he'll give him 10 percent if he does get a job out of it. Howard said ''You're damn right you will!''
Another caller talked about how this was the first time he's ever heard the studio laughing their asses off so much. Howard said the guy is funny. The caller was also saying that Jim does great impressions. Jim did a little bit of his Tracy Morgan impression. That led to them talking about how funny Tracy is and how great he was on the Golden Globe Awards. Howard asked if they wasted Tracy's talent on SNL. Jim said that he did get frustrated a lot with some of the stuff they had him doing. He said that Tracy was hilarious though and he had some great ideas for things they could do to mess with Lorne Michaels.
Howard asked Jim if he ever hears from Joe Pesci. Jim said he doesn't but then he broke into his impression of the guy. He did that impression for a short time. He had Howard cracking up again when he did that.
Howard told Jim that he can come in anytime. Howard said he didn't know that he was off the air. He thought he was just doing his show there. Jim did some more impressions like his Lars Ulrich of Metallica. Jim stuck to that for a couple of minutes while Howard interviewed him as Lars. Howard wrapped up with Jim a short time later and went to break.
Howard said he had a new phony phone call from Richard and Sal to play. They took Tracy Morgan's voice and had him calling a sex hotline. In the call Sal and Richard had cut up Tracy's voice so they could make him say just about anything. They had Tracy talking about how he likes mature women. The phone sex woman played along with that and did anything Tracy would throw out there.
Howard said that Richard Lewis was coming in next. Robin said that it was like the Tonight Show with all of these guests. She said that next they might just have ''Niggerless Cage'' coming in. Fred did his Stuttering John impression after that.
Howard said that Jim Breuer was a great guest and those stories he told about the Goat Boy thing were great. Howard said that he was great as Pesci on SNL too. Howard said that he's not sure why Jim left SNL. Artie said that he thinks that he didn't quit an may have been let go. Artie said that's not the kind of job you leave but he's not sure what happened there. Artie said his pot story about staring at the goats was great.
Howard played a clip from the gay channel there where a guy did a Baba Booey call. The hosts of the show let the guy throw out as many ''Baba Booey'' comments as he could get in. They just let him keep going for about 30 seconds. Howard said that he's never answered his phone ''What's your gay problem?'' like they did in that clip. He said he may have to start doing that.
Howard said that the last time Richard was there he was describing this battle with alcohol addiction. Howard said that Richard blacked out once and that was his ''rock bottom.'' Richard said that he was addicted to just about every drug, not just champagne like Howard makes it seem like. Artie said that he was out of control from what he read in his book. Howard was still on the champagne thing and making fun of Richard about that.
Howard said that Richard was on the show last and called Artie off the air and suggested a therapist. Artie said that Richard is a huge influence on him. He said he and Richard spent about an hour talking that time he called off the air.
Howard said that Richard gave Artie the name of this therapist and Artie went to see the guy like once. Howard said that Artie blamed that fake therapy on not going to Will and Jason's weddings. Howard said that Artie was lying about all of that because he wasn't going to the shrink. Artie said that he was worried about his sobriety at the time. Robin said that Artie told them a lot of lies about that therapist he only saw once.
Richard told Artie to just admit that he's a drug addict and he has to get cleaned up. Richard was so angry he took off his headset and said ''fuck the microphone!'' Howard had to ask him to put it back on so they could hear him.
Richard said that Robin knows that Artie is on a death wish and he's in denial about that. Artie said he's really not and he's fine. Richard said that he is on a death wish and he didn't stay in that rehab thing he went to. Richard told him that it's all bullshit and he can't bullshit another drug addict. Richard said he lied for 20 years so he knows.
Richard said that he was supposed to go in for a knee operation and they did this intervention with him. Howard asked him what got him to listen and what can they do to get Artie to listen. Richard said that he was holed up in his house and he was doing crystal meth for few days. He had lost 15 pounds and he looked in the mirror and saw what he had become. He said that he thought he was going to die at 43 for this fuckin' powder. Richard said that he said it was bullshit and he called two friends and had them come over and get him into rehab. That was 15 years ago and he's been sober ever since.
Artie said that he went to see the therapist 4 times and he lied about it the rest of the time. Artie said that he didn't want to go to the weddings so he just paid them off instead. Robin said that he doesn't have to lie about that stuff. He could just say he doesn't want to go to their weddings. Artie said that you have to lie about that stuff.
Howard told Richard that Artie does his work there and he has no problem with him. He said that he's only been out 18 days in 8 years and he can't tell him he's not doing his job if he's actually doing it. Robin said that there is no guarantee that they'd be able to wake Artie up and make him get sober.
Howard said that maybe they need bigger names at Artie's intervention. Maybe they need a David Brenner to show up to Artie's intervention. Richard said that he didn't have Brenner at his intervention, he just got a call from him telling him that he was afraid for him.
Howard asked Richard about his mother, who isn't around anymore, and how things were with her. Richard said that she used to tell him that he wasn't an addict when he'd bring that up with her.
Richard said that this is Artie's life and he should want to clean up. Artie said that if it's his life then why are they discussing it? Richard and Howard continued to talk about Artie and how he seems to be on that road to an early death. Artie said that he had Belushi and Farley by 10 years already. Artie was eating Peanut M&Ms as he was telling them that.
Richard said that he was reading Artie's book and he had to stop because he thought that he was reading a dead man's book. He said that he told Artie that he's brilliant and he seems to think that he'd lose his funny if he got sober.
Richard talked about his stand-up act and how he doesn't like looking at people in the audience because he gets nervous. Howard figured he hated doing comedy. Richard said that he has to get some of this stuff out of Howard's head because he's wrong about that and about the champagne thing.
Howard asked Richard if he had nail polish on. Richard said he's never had his nails done. Howard said that it looks like he's had his eyebrows plucked too. Richard said that he does that. He said that he has started plucking that stuff but then he went higher and higher with the plucking and ended up going too far. He said that Joy saw him and asked him what the fuck had happened.
Howard said that Richard used to have such nice eyebrows. Now they're all plucked down to nothing. Howard said that he shaves his bush down a bit. Richard said that he does that as well. Howard showed Richard his eyebrows and then Artie asked if they could get back to him dying. He said he never thought he'd say that but the whole eyebrow thing must have been bothering him.
Howard asked Richard if he ever thinks about having a drink. Richard said he's past all of that and he doesn't think about it anymore. Artie said that he's gotten past the cocaine thing like that. He said he has no desire to do coke anymore.
Richard said that he has a friend who is a sex addict. He said that the guy had a great relationship and he was fucking about 18 hours a day. Artie asked why he can't have that addiction. Howard said he could but it's easier to get heroin.
Richard said that his friend was told that he had to stop coming so much and that's a very hard thing to do. Howard wanted Richard's crystal ball prediction on Artie. Richard said that Artie hurt him. He said that he would call Artie to make sure he was doing okay. Richard said that if you don't hear back from an addict, then they're probably not in recovery. He said when Artie didn't call him back he knew that he was up to something. Richard told him to stop lying to himself. Artie said that he didn't want to stop using heroin at the time and he didn't want to disappoint Richard.
Howard tried to give Richard some plugs but the information he had was wrong according to Richard. Richard said that he's doing this Town Hall thing on Saturday the 17th. He's also going to be at West Palm Beach next week at The Improv.
Howard asked Richard how things are going with his wife. Richard said that he's not a happy person by nature but he's got the best wife he could imagine. He said he knows that he annoys the shit out of her. Howard asked why she would live with him if he's that much of a pain in the ass. Richard said that he's good in bed and he can be fun to be around sometimes. Howard said he doesn't believe that he's good in bed.
Howard asked Richard about this gig he's doing with Richard Belzer. Richard said that Belzer is doing this band thing with his band the Belzonics. Howard asked if he does a Mick Jagger impression or something. Richard said he hasn't seen anyone's act so he has no idea what he does.
Richard said he could never perform with a band like that. He said he just wouldn't be able to do that whole thing at the airport asking where the trumpet player is at. Artie said that's like Carrot Top traveling around with all of his props and stuff.
Howard gave Richard some more plugs for the upcoming gigs he had. You can find out more at RichardLewisOnline.com.
Richard asked Artie about the colonics he took and if they felt good to him. Artie aid that they really didn't feel good. Artie said that the whole thing was weird and they had people announcing his shit like it was a baseball game.
Richard said that he used to be addicted to the enema thing himself. He said that he once had a woman squirt it in his butt. Howard told him that's gross. Richard said that was back when he was getting high. Howard said that he shouldn't do that anymore. Richard said that he used to go to drug stores and buy about 30 enemas. He said having the water squirted in his ass was a blast.
Howard asked Richard about working with Larry David on ''Curb Your Enthusiasm.'' Richard said he's doing more this coming month. Howard asked if he's still talking to Letterman. Richard said that he's doing all of the talk shows.
Richard talked about how he hates doing pre-interviews and he once told Frank Smiley that he was going to kill him if he asked him what he wanted to talk about again. Richard said he told Conan that he can't take the questions anymore and told him not to have him on if they're going to do that.
Howard took some phone calls after that. A woman asked Richard how he felt about Artie being detrimental to himself even though he's not being detrimental to the show. Richard said he was watching the year in review with Artie on Howard TV the other night and it was like one gigantic enabler for him. Artie said that he doesn't like that shit and he hates it. Of course there's nothing he can do about that though. Artie said that he gets paid $80 an hour by those guys so he can't tell them not to put that on.
Another caller asked Artie to stay alive until at least Saturday because she's going to see him on Friday night. Another guy asked Richard if he still has the hot girlfriend on ''Curb Your Enthusiasm.'' Richard said that he's not sure if he's going to be dating Cha Cha anymore. Richard said that he didn't get to do love scenes with Tia Carrera on that show. He said that Larry David won't let him do love scenes on the show. Howard said it is an improv show so he should just start fucking her. Richard said that's a good idea.
Another caller told Howard that maybe he shouldn't be bringing up the drug problems with Artie anymore. Howard said that he's not going to bring it up anymore unless a guest brings it up. He said that if Paul McCartney asks about Artie's drug use, then they'll talk about it with him.
Howard asked Richard if he wanted to go out to dinner or something. Richard said he would but he doesn't even have his number. He said he has to contact Howard thought a terrorist network. Howard wrote his number down for him and passed it along. Howard told him that Belzer has his number too so he could have gotten it from him. Richard said that Belzer loves him and his wife. Richard said that he hadn't even gotten to meet Howard's wife yet, he just sees pictures on the internet. Howard wrapped up with Richard a short time later and went to break.
Howard said he was eating and talking to the guys during the break so he got carried away. Howard said that Jeff Jarvis wrote about him in his new book. He said that Jeff likes the honesty of his news department. He said that the name of the book is ''What Would Google Do? ''
Howard played some audio from The View where the women were all talking over Ann Coulter during her interview. Howard said that show is insane and those broads have to shut up a little bit. Howard said that it was like insanity on that show. Howard said he heard that their ratings kind of went up since Rosie left though.
In another clip Barbara was able to ask a question without being interrupted and then the girls all started talking over one another again. Howard said that it's impossible to get an answer on that show. Howard said he knows that it gets noisy in his studio once in a while but he tries to calm it down.
Howard played more of the interview and the audience was cheering for some reason but it wasn't clear what they were cheering over. Howard said that maybe it was time to get to the news block after that.
Howard said that maybe they could have Jeff in on Thursday. Gary said he thinks he'll be gone by Thursday. Howard had Jeff on the phone so he told him that they're really booked up this week with guests. Howard and Artie explained to Jeff what the problem was but Jeff wasn't there. Jeff was taking a shit so he came running back to the phone and picked up. Jeff had his pants around his ankles as he was talking to them.
Jeff said that he tried calling in every day last week and he never picked up. Howard said that he's got a show to do. Jeff said that it would have only taken 2 seconds. Jeff said that he's leaving tomorrow so he can't come in on Thursday.
Howard asked Gary if they could have him in tomorrow. Gary said they have two guests tomorrow and they don't have time for him. Gary said that he would have him on the Wrap Up Show but that's not what Jeff wants. Jeff wants to be on this show. Gary said they could fit him in from 6:30 to 6:45 if Howard wanted that. Gary said that they may have time around 7:45. Howard said that he doesn't think they have enough time tomorrow.
Howard told Jeff he just doesn't know how to do this. Jeff seemed kind of bummed out. Howard told Gary to see if he could get him in there around 8:45 or so. Jeff said that was perfect and he promised to leave when they ask him to leave. Jeff said that he loves them all.
Howard had Steve get back to his news preview. Steve said that Big Foot may be shipped back to the mental hospital but he's going to resist. Actor Steven Gilborn who played Howard's agent in his movie has passed away. Howard said that guy was a good guy too. Howard said that he had been in a lot of movies before.
Steve said that Al Wescott has died as well. Al tried to get Howard kicked off the air for many years with his complaints about the show. Howard said that he was a nice guy and he really didn't hate the guy for doing what he did to him. He said the guy may have been a little misguided. He read about him and he was a nice guy from what he could see. Howard said he was saddened about the news.
Robin thought that Steve was just saying that Al had died on stage like his music sucked. She didn't know that the guy had died. Howard said he didn't blame Al in the whole FCC thing. He said that he blames the FCC for entertaining his complaints.
Howard said that he was talking to Rob Jacobson from Howard TV during the break. He said that they have a bunch of new stuff planned for Howard TV. They were talking about the new ''Show in the Hallway'' series and stuff like that.
Steve finished up and then Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects that they were going to be covering today on the Wrap Up Show. Jon mentioned that Jeff the Drunk got a shot at doing a song on tomorrow's show. Howard said that he may have ruined tomorrow's show by booking Jeff on it. That led to Artie doing his Jeff impression for a minute.
Howard said that he saw an article where they showed Rush Limbaugh's picture in a ''Who's Gay, Who's Not'' column. Howard said it was confusing because they don't explain that. Howard said he'd find it very hard to believe that Rush is gay. Howard finally found the whole article and read through that. They listed a bunch of celebrities that Howard read through. He couldn't find any reference to Rush in that article. Then Gary said that he found it about 20 pages in.
Howard read about the Rush thing and found that he had kissed a transvestite and people claim that he had been seen in gay bars over the years. Howard said that they claim that Rush has been married 4 times and they may have never been consummated. Howard said maybe that's why he was doing the Oxycontin. That led to Howard playing some of the edited clips of Rush Limbaugh that they've played over the years.
Robin read a story about a baby sitter that put a child in a dryer for 3 minutes and the baby ended up dying from severe burns. The babysitter claimed that she did it because the kids were getting in her way while she was trying to watch TV.
Howard said that people have no idea what they're getting into when they have kids. He said that you lose all of your freedom. He said that the people with money who pay people to take care of their kids don't know until their help goes nuts from taking care of the kids. Howard said that you can't leave the house without standing guard when you have kids. He said that husbands don't want to take care of the kids and women end up going insane from it.
Robin told a story about a friend of her's that had a kid and told her that she wanted to throw the kid out a window sometimes. She said she did love the kid but she was going nuts from not being left alone for 2 months straight. Artie said that women do want to be moms but they also want to go out and do stuff and have careers. Howard said that it's really tough to do that. Robin said her friend told her that having kids wasn't all that great.
Robin read a story about a man who claims to have had an encounter with the Virgin Mary. He told the story at a local flea market out in Oklahoma. Robin said the guy was claiming that she told him that they are supposed to accept each other as they are and get along. Howard asked why she wouldn't appear on TV or in front of the President of the United States. Howard said if he got that visit, he'd never tell anyone for fear of being locked up.
Robin said that Tom Brady is engaged to Giselle Bundchen. Artie said that guy's life just keeps getting better. He also said that New England fans should be prepared because he's done. Howard told John the Stutterer that another woman is off the market for him. He said he knows that John hates when that happens. That got Fred started with his impression of John the Stutterer. Artie said that he thinks that Fred is going to die doing that impression sometime.
Robin read a story about a woman who is pregnant with a baby that has two heads and just one body. She's going through with the pregnancy even though she knows what she's got in there. She claims that it's a ''gift from god'' so she's going through with it.
Robin read some more news about Howie Mandel's hospital visit with an irregular heart beat. Robin had a story about this doctor and his wife who are going through a divorce and the guy wants his kidney back from the woman he gave it to. The wife is now lashing back at the husband and claims that she never cheated on the guy. She also says that he wanted to give her the kidney even though she could have gotten it from another family member. Robin said she claims that he was going through her underwear and sniffing them to see if she had cheated on him. They talked about how odd that behavior was. Artie said that would be like going to some guy named Mutt's house and sniffing his daughter's underwear. Fred threw in the Sal ''Hello... yoo hoo!'' clip when Artie brought that up.
Robin read a story about the girl who was on the show offering up her virginity to the highest bidder. She's writing a book about that now. That led to Howard and the guys doing their impressions of a bad morning zoo type show. Artie had mentioned that the guy Elvis Duran was doing a show that might be a zoo but he wasn't sure if it was still called a zoo. Howard got a note about that a little later and found out that it was still the ''morning zoo.''
Howard goofed on that stuff for a few minutes doing the whole Friday morning thing where lame DJs have people call in about their bad jobs and play songs like ''Everybody's Working For the Weekend'' and ''Take This Job and Shove It.'' Howard said they play other songs like ''I Want To Bang On a Drum All Day'' so Fred played that one for him as he was goofing on these guys.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Elvis Duran really sucks. Artie told him he should tell him to take his show and shove it. He did that and Howard played the ''Take This Job and Shove It'' again. They were goofing around of course. Howard said that they used to play that ''Shout'' song on those lame radio shows too. That led to Fred playing that song as well.
Robin got back to her news and talked about President Bush's last press conference. She said that he admitted that the ''Mission Accomplished'' statement was a mistake on his part. They talked about that for a short time. Artie said that they elected a dope for 8 years. Robin had some audio of Bush talking about the response to Hurricane Katrina. He also didn't believe that the bad economy was his fault.
Robin said that she had audio of Barack Obama talking about how he wants to close Guantanamo Bay as one of the first things he does in office.
Robin had some news about Roland Burris finally being accepted into the United States Senate. She had some audio of Burris talking about being sworn in later this week.
Robin had some audio from Gaza where they had some gun shot fire in the background. Howard said that's a scary sound. Robin said she can't imagine having that happen every couple of years.
Robin had some news about Bernie Madoff and how people can't believe he's under house arrest and not in jail. She had some audio of some of the people who were ripped off by the guy wondering why nothing is being done.
Robin had some preview clips from tonight's American Idol premiere. They had a couple of singers, some Ryan Seacrest comments and other stuff. She had some audio of the new judge, Kara, talking about what it's been like so far. They had to take a break after that.
After the break, around 10:40am, Robin read a story about Mickey Rourke thanking his dogs in the Golden Globe Awards. Howard said that guy is interesting and that speech showed that he still has a lot of anger in him. Howard said he was talking to a friend about that. Howard said that guy has to stop with the plastic surgery already.
Robin said that Heath Ledger's mother is saying that her son's win is a bitter sweet thing for the family. The award will probably go to his daughter when she gets a little older. Robin wondered if he was going to be the James Dean of this generation. Howard said no to that James Dean will continue to be the James Dean of every generation.
Robin read a story about the Knicks player who has been accused of sexual harassment by his driver. Robin read the details of that case.
Robin said that there's a new Lisa Kudrow movie out called ''Hotel for Dogs.'' She had some audio of Lisa talking about that movie. She had a story about Kevin James' new movie ''Paul Blart: Mall Cop.'' Robin said that he had to leave a hit TV show to go do bad movies and that's the first one.
Robin had a story about a movie that's about a guy who helped out some Holocaust victims. They helped save 1,200 people. Howard got bored with the explanation in the audio clip. They ended the show after that, right around 10:50am. Artie had already left so Howard said that he was probably out practicing making urine in a bottle appear to come out of his penis.
Jon ran down the list of other things that they were going to be talking about today. They ended up talking about the gifts that Howard talked about getting. They spent a minute on that adn then ran down the rest of the stuff.
Gary said that he would have pushed for Jeff the Drunk not to be on this week but they did kind of tell him that they would have him up. Gary figured that Jeff would have called in yesterday to complain about it though
Jon moved the guys on to talk about the Richard Lewis interview. They talked about Richard and Howard butting heads on a lot of stuff. Gary said that he told that great story about his mother telling him that he wasn't an alcoholic. He said that Richard and his mother clearly weren't communicating with one another.
Jon asked Gary why Howard likes to bring up the champagne thing. Gary said that Howard read about his problems and back then Howard picked up on the champagne thing and he's never let go of it. Jon also asked about the eye brow thing and what that was all about. Gary wasn't sure and Benjy said he's not sure why he started to pick them and what happened that his wife had to buy him a hat. Gary said that he was cutting his hair off after he started plucking the eye brows. Then he used scissors on his hair and went too far.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's surprised that no one calls Robin out on drinking wine when she's into this health food kick. The guy said that it's considered a poison to the human body and no one calls her out on that. Benjy said that doctors will tell you that it's good for you in moderation. The caller argued that those claims are bullshit.
The caller was saying that he thinks Gary scored higher in the gift giving than Robin did. Gary said that it's not a contest though. Benjy said he thinks it is.
Benjy was saying that Robin said that she hadn't remembered the date but he's thinking that maybe the gift hasn't showed up yet and that's why she didn't have it for Howard today. They weren't sure about that but it is a possibility.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he was at Rick's over the weekend and he kept asking if Gary was going to show up. He asked if Gary ever did go there. Gary said he went there to support Bubba but he wasn't scheduled to be there to make an appearance. The caller figured that he had screwed up and asked the wrong people. He said the girls there aren't so smart anyway.
Another caller asked if Richard was busting Artie's balls a little bit too much. Gary said he didn't think he was busting balls. He may have just be calling him out as a liar.
Gary said the last time Richard was on the show he asked for Artie's number and wanted to help the guy out. He said that he just wanted to pass along the name of a therapist for him. Gary said he didn't think that Richard was looking for them to talk about it on the air. He said that he was just trying to help the guy out because he may have seen a little bit of himself in Artie.
Jon played a clip of Richard and Howard talking where Richard talked about how he got off the drugs and booze. It was his ''moment of clarity.''
Jon said that Artie had that moment with cocaine. He hasn't done it since that last time. Gary said that he's clearly had that moment with the coke and he talks about how fucked up it was for his mother back then. Gary said that he's putting his mother there now with he heroin but he never talks about that.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that the whole Artie thing is getting to the point where they might as well have him do the Celebrity Rehab thing. He said that he's not getting any better with them doing this on the air. Gary said that he thinks that they should move on too and they didn't book these guests, Dr. Drew and Richard Lewis, just to pick on Artie.
The caller said that you can't wait for some people to hit rock bottom because rock bottom can be death. He said that's what happened with his brother. The caller said he needs to see a doctor and it has to be a private thing. He said that the guy seems to be hurting really bad.
Benjy asked if this guys' brother ever got sober. The guy said that his brother had physical back problems and he was on pills and it was too late when they found out what it was doing to his liver. He died 5 days after going into the hospital with pneumonia.
Gary said that Artie has every right in the world not to talk about this stuff on the air. The caller said he feels bad for the guy and he sees where it ends. Gary said he was sorry about his brother but there is no formula that fixes everyone. He said that everyone has a different story and just one way doesn't work for everyone. The caller said he hopes that Artie will save his life. Gary said that they all feel the same way there.
Gary said that he doesn't know a lot about rehab but he knows that a lot of people have gotten sober doing it that way. Some people are able to do it by not using rehab too. Jon said that they've been down that road many times and it all lies with Artie. It's up to him to take charge and do it the way he's comfortable doing it.
Gary said that people keep asking him why they spend so much time on this but he thinks that even he's done at this point. He just wants to drop it and move on. The caller said that he just feels for the guy and he's not sure what to think. Gary said that most of the people calling in were calling about Artie too so they can't avoid it.
Another caller said that Artie just wants attention and they just have to stop paying so much to him. The guy said that they just have to stop it. Gary said that he doesn't think that's the issue. The caller said that the drugs are just excuses for Artie to get the attention.
Gary said that he thinks that Robin spent more on the wine than he did. Ralph said that he thinks they should do a wine tasting test on the show because expensive wine isn't all it's cracked up to be. They said that it would be like the Jackson Pollock art thing they did with Robin. They had Howard paint a picture like Jackson Pollock and Robin couldn't tell it wasn't a Pollock. Gary said he doesn't think that Robin would do the wine tasting thing either.
Jon let Ralph go and asked Gary if he thinks that Richard Lewis and Howard will ever hang out. Howard had said that he won't ever get together with him. Gary said that if you want it to work then you move your schedule around.
The guys got sidetracked by Benjy and the clothes he was wearing today. They talked about the ''jizz coat'' that he was wearing yesterday and Gary told him that he should dress warm tomorrow but not in that coat. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said that John used to tape Scott's phone down so he couldn't pick up the hand set. Then one time John would tie a fishing string to a $5 bill and snatch it away from Scott as he was walking down the hall.
Gary said that it would have been asking a lot of Scott not to pass along that tape that he passed along. Gary said that Scott was under a lot of pressure holding on to that tape.
Gary said that Scott would blow up a lot when he got goofed on. John would never back down on what he did to him either. Gary said he'd get upset if Scott ever blew up at him over a practical joke but that didn't slow John down at all.
Benjy said that he and John talk occasionally and he's never heard that he's mad at Scott. Gary said that he knows John and he's probably still mad at him. Benjy said that he wants to hear from John that he's still mad at Scott because he's not sure that he is. Gary said that maybe they'll try calling John to ask him.
Gary said that they should get Sal down there to talk about some of the stuff that John was up to when he was still there. Gary said that John had a little thiefdom going there of his own. He would get mad at people and not speak to them for weeks at a time. He would put people on probation and things like that.
Benjy said that John thought that he was trying to get in on his stand-up thing and he got mad at him for trying to book a gig.
Scott the Engineer came in and said that John never stopped messing with him when he was there. He said that John would do the phone thing, the money on the floor with the string thing and more. Scott said that he would fuck with him every single day he could.
Jon asked Scott about the Tonight Show audition tape and what was up with that. Scott thought that it might have been at bit or something at the time. He said that he didn't know if it was for real or not. Scott said that John asked him if it sounded good and he gave him some advice on it. Benjy asked if he asked him to keep it private. Scott said he did and he told him that he would keep it quiet and destroy it. Scott said that he deleted it from his computer but he had a copy of it on his computer that he held on to. He said he knew he had to save it.
Scott said that Howard's mantra was to record and save everything. That's what he did. Scott said that he had forgotten about the tape until John announced that he was leaving to go to the Tonight Show. That's when he remembered he had that tape. Scott said that he couldn't believe that John had ''fallen up'' into that job.
Scott said that John hasn't spoken to him since that day. He said that John got really mad at him for giving Howard the tape. Scott said that he wasn't going to use it until he announced that he was the announcer on the Tonight Show. He already had the job so he wasn't going to screw that up.
JD was in so Jon asked him about loving the way Fred was doing the impressions today. JD said that he loves Scott too and he goofed on him about the way he just watches the waveforms go by on his computer screen.
Jon said that Scott is always recording and always saving even today. Scott said that Howard likes to do just one take so he's used to doing things that way.
Scott said that at K-Rock he had to do whatever they asked him to do while he was there. He was just doing his job. Scott said that John wasn't the only one doing personal things there at K-Rock. Jon wanted to know who else it was but Scott said he can't say who that was. He was talking about himself and helping his son's band Emergency Now get their album done. Jon had him get in a plug for the band as long as he was plugging them.
The caller said that it must be a beautiful sight to see JD floundering. JD said that it's a beautiful sight and music to their ears when he does that.
The caller asked if Larry David had ever been a guest on the show. Jon said he was pretty sure he had never been on. Jon said that he saw Larry being interviewed by another guy and he's not sure that it would go over very well with Howard even though he thinks the guy is hilarious.
Jon asked JD what he thought of Jim Breuer today. JD said he was funny and shot out of a cannon. They talked about the evolution of the Goat Boy character and how big Jim was on SNL when he was on there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he loved Jim Breuer today. Jon and the caller talked about some of the stuff that they were talking about in that interview. The caller said that he didn't listen to Jim before but he will start now. The guy said that he also liked the Stuttering John stuff they were talking about today.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he loves JD on the show too but he's actually become more articulate over the past couple of years. Jon said that they can hear when he gets caught in a thought and gets confused.
Jon and JD talked about who they can trust and not trust there at the show. They said that you quickly learn who you can trust and not trust. Teddy said it was kind of John's fault for going to Scott with the recording session thing. Teddy said that at SIRIUS they can go anywhere and record on their own, they don't even need a Scott to help them out.
Jon took a call from Ralph who was goofing on the Jim Breuer caller earlier. He said that he did a good job pulling the comments out of the guy. Jon asked Ralph if he thinks that JD is sounding more confident these days. Ralph sarcastically said that he does sound much more confident. Ralph goofed on him a little bit about that and about not stopping to talk to the fans that want to talk to him.
Ralph said that he thinks JD is full of himself these days. Teddy said he's definitely ''Hollywood Harmeyer'' these days. Teddy said that JD was too busy to visit with some friends who stopped up there to say hi yesterday.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked JD how much he's spending on internet porn these days. JD said that he has managed to save up some money in a savings account. He said that he goes to the web cam sites once in a while. He said they run from $1.99 to $3.99 a minute. JD was saying that he has 3 different sites that he goes to and they're just web cam girl sites. He said he didn't want to talk about it because it's so lame and embarrassing.
Jon asked how much he's spending. JD said that it's probably too much but he's kind of watching himself. Teddy said that JD is good with money and he's able to save while so many other's can't. JD said that he saves about half of what he makes with the Artie stuff. He tries to save as much as he can with that.
Jon took a call from a guy who wanted to know if they're going to do a History of the Wack Pack special. Jon said that they actually did something like that last year. He said that they may do more in the future. Jon had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show talking about a story in the paper about Eli Manning getting a $120 million contract. Howard said he knows nothing about sports but he did watch some of the Giants / Eagles game this weekend and it was the first game he watched this season. Howard said that based on what he saw, of only half the game since he had to leave in the middle, he thinks that Eli got the team to the Super Bowl last year and he's valuable. Howard said that Eli was the reason that they were losing this year. He said that he threw an interception that went right into the arms of another player in the game over the weekend.
Howard said he also noticed that Eli had a lot of protection and lots of time to throw. He just wasn't able to put it together to put the ball into the hands of his teammates.
Robin said that the quarterback doesn't seem to be doing what most quarterbacks are supposed to do and keep the ball away from the other team. Artie said that if the Giants front office had seen that first half of the game they wouldn't have given him that contract. He said he had a great season up until the game over the weekend. Robin said that maybe they should have given it to Plaxico Burress. Artie said no to that.
Howard said that what he saw in the first half was Eli Manning's fault. Artie agreed with him on that but he said that they did win the division.
Artie asked how long the contract is for. Howard said he thinks it's 5 years. Gary said that Eli had the worst game of his career that day. He said that some people say he's just okay and not really that spectacular. Howard said that another quarterback might be able to do amazing things with that team. Artie said that he'd want Eli again on the team. He thinks that he's in the upper echelon of quarterbacks.
The caller asked if he was excited about interviewing him again. Howard said he has been thinking about that and he really needs 10 hours with the guy. They only have him from 8:15 to 8:40 though. Howard said that he heard the new album and it's really good. He said it's a really good Paul McCartney album and he's not just saying that. He said that there are a lot of songs about light and shining a light on things. He said that he might be reading into it but he thinks that he might be saying ''don't fool me anymore'' about his wedding and stuff like that.
Howard said that Paul should be proud of this album. He talked about the guy that Paul got together with a few years ago to create the album and it turned out great. Fred said he listened to it and it really was good. He said that some of them could be pop songs. Howard said that he'd play some of it if someone would bring it in.
Artie said that he'd like to hear stories about Pete Best and why he was kicked out of the band. Howard said that he'd like to ask about that and a bunch of other things as well.
Howard said he was feeling a lot of pressure to do this interview so quickly. He said he might feel rushed to get out all of the questions. Robin told Howard that maybe he should do that ABC deal and interview Paul for that. Howard said ''oh please...''
Howard said that he only heard the album all the way through one time. He said he picked up on the song ''Highway'' and ''Light From Your Lighthouse.'' He played some of each of those two songs from the album ''Electric Arguments.'' Robin liked ''Highway'' and said it had a nice rockin' beat to it. Howard played some of the ''Light From Your Lighthouse'' and Robin asked if he was taking a writing credit for that one. Howard thought he was but Robin said she thinks that might be an old song. Howard said he wasn't sure if it was an original or not.
Howard played one of the stranger songs from the album that was kind of an avant garde type of song. Howard said that he may have to play some of his own avant garde stuff for Paul when he comes in. He played his own ''Beet'' song that the guys created in the studio after listening to some awful avant garde type music. Howard said he went through that phase for about 3 days.
Howard said he's going to praise himself about telling Sir Paul not to get married the last time he was on the show. Howard said he was right to tell him that. He even spoke to him off the air about that whole marriage thing. Howard said he got a vibe from that Heather Mills and he thought it was a big mistake.
Howard said that Paul is dating again and it's almost like he's auditioning women. Howard said that he's gone out with a bunch of celebrities and the latest one is a woman who has her own fortune so he might be on the right track with her.
Artie said he doesn't even care about all of that stuff. He said he just wants to know what ''I am the Walrus'' means. Howard said that was a John Lennon thing. Howard said he heard from Vinnie Favale, who is a huge Beatles fan, that John had a man crush on Paul.
Howard said that Vinnie takes the bus into work from Jersey to New York City and he sent him a note about Elliot Spitzer's prostitute being on his bus every morning. Vinnie told him that she's very sexy and he tries to look his best in the mornings because of that. Vinnie is on it and he's going to try to put her on the phone. Vinnie told him that her mother even drops her off for the bus every morning.
Howard said that sometimes a heavy set dude will sit next to him and fall over on him. Howard said that she's famous and riding the bus so Vinnie isn't the only famous one riding the bus out there.
Howard said they took a group photo of the crew there at SIRIUS for everyone who works there and was there. Howard said that they all took the picture but they found it strange that Lisa G wouldn't come in and pose for the picture. Howard said he has a feeling that she was accused of jumping into the front the past couple of years and she may have been scared off by that. Howard said she was outraged and got upset so she didn't get into the picture this year.
Howard asked if Lisa was there yet so he could talk to her about that. He said he wants to know why she didn't pose for that group photo.
Lisa came in a short time later so Howard asked about that. Lisa said that they took all of the fun out of it for her. She said that Howard was on her case about it last year and she didn't want to do it. Howard said that he was right then. Lisa said that they took all of the fun out of it so she told them to forget it yesterday.
Lisa said that she's been told she has a big head for her body and she stands out in pictures. She said that they made her wear shoulder pads when she did reporting for E!.
Howard said that Lisa should have been there and she should have taken the picture. Lisa asked if Artie was there. Howard said that Artie wasn't there because he leaves earlier than the rest of them. Howard said he didn't want to be there either. Howard said they made him stand at the front for the picture but he didn't want to be up there. Howard said he thinks that's a mistake because he block out the whole room.
Howard said that Dan the Song Parody Man took Lisa's place in the photo this year. Lisa said she was glad she wasn't there then. Jason came in with last year's photo and showed them how much Lisa stood out. The guys talked about her red outfit and how much that stood out. Lisa thought it was her blonde hair. The guys said it was the red that stood out.
Lisa said that she would like to take a picture with Paul McCartney. Howard said that won't happen. He said he will tell Paul that she's interested in him. Robin was too so Howard said he'd talk to him about both of them. Howard asked Robin and Lisa if they were interested in him in a romantic way. Lisa said she thinks that she could be.
Lisa said that she wants to know what Paul thinks about Heather Mills shaving off all of her hair and dying it really blonde. Artie asked her if she was writing for Tiger Beat magazine or something.
Robin said that she and Paul ran into each other one time when they were out and Paul moved her out of the way by putting both of his hands on her hips and nudging her to the side. She said that he didn't give her the shoulder like some people would.
Howard asked Lisa if she would like the chance to talk to Paul about being interested in him. Howard said that she's not going to have a shot out in the hall. Lisa said that she has to see what he's like when she meets him out in the hall. Howard said she has to do it on the air so he can set up the whole thing. Howard said she has to tell him if she wants it or not. Howard said she'll only have a few minutes to talk about it. Lisa said that Paul lives near her and she knows his favorite pizza place. Howard asked Robin if she'd be upset if Lisa got the date. Robin said she will continue to go after Paul even if Lisa gets a date.
Sal came in and said that Lisa is getting off easy and she shouldn't be allowed to meet him for no reason. Howard said that he's offering her up sexually and that's not ''for no reason.'' Sal asked him how he knows that Paul would want to bang her. Howard said he doesn't know that, he's going to find out if she's interested. Sal said that he wouldn't mind having Lisa but he's married. Sal said that Lisa isn't a team player and she's going to get to meet Paul McCartney?
Howard said that he saw Episode 3 of ''Show in the Hallway'' that's on Howard TV. He said that this episode hasn't aired yet but he watched it and he thinks that the fans are going to enjoy it. Howard said that it's all about Sal trying to win Beth's favor. Howard said Lisa Lampanelli is in it and she's great. Howard said that the fans should like this stuff.
Sal said he thinks that Lisa should get tea bagged to get to meet Paul. Howard said they're not going to do that. Howard said that Robin is going to throw herself at Paul when she gets her shot. He asked Lisa if she wanted to try her pitch out on them. Lisa said that she wishes she had her violin on her because that would help.
Howard told Lisa what she could say to him when she's in there. He suggested that she just tell him that she's interested and ask him out. Lisa said that was a little rushed. Howard said that she's not going to have a long time to do that so she has to rush. This is a chance she has to take while she has it.
Lisa wanted to ask if she could play music with him. She said that she has a picture of The Beatles that she framed to hang in her house. She doesn't have it hanging in there now though.
Howard said he has an album cover of the Beatles framed and hanging in his house. Artie said he has a Hirshfeld painting of the album ''Abbey Road.'' Howard said that he heard that the album wasn't supposed to be called ''Abbey Road'' and it was just a last minute thing that they did because they got lazy and didn't want to do a photo shoot for a different album name.
Sal said that Lisa really doesn't deserve to get to meet Paul. He said that she's just a ''flimsy'' on the show. The guys didn't know what he meant by that so Howard said that he probably meant ''floozy.'' Howard told him to get out of there because he was mangling the language again.
Howard said that Sal's wife is in the ''Show in the Hallway'' and she really is attractive. Artie said that he saw her out the other night at his comedy show and she is hot.
Yucko the Clown called in and said that Lisa doesn't deserve to go out with Paul. That led to the guys talking to Yucko about his parents house burning down over the holiday vacation. Yucko said his father is on oxygen and the house ended up blowing up when the 14 oxygen tanks caught fire and blew up. Yucko said that his father has COPD, like Scott the Engineer has, from smoking for a long time.
Howard told Artie about this race that goes on over in Scotland called the Drambui Challenge. He said that it's really hard and they had a trip to give away. Howard said they wanted Ralph to go over and do it. Howard said that he didn't get what the bit was. He said he didn't think Ralph would want to do it. Howard said he suggested that they send a Wack Packer instead. They wanted someone from the show to do it. Then he saw Dan sitting there and offered it to Dan. Howard said Dan never gets anything so he gave it to him.
Howard said that Dan said he'd love to go to Scotland so he got the trip. Howard said that Dan didn't mention anything about the money though. Artie said that he thought he was going to get that windfall of money or sell his motorcycle. Howard said that maybe Artie misunderstood and he meant next December.
Gary said that Dan didn't mention a thing about that yesterday. Gary said he expects an e-mail within an hour from Dan explaining what's going on.
Howard let Lisa go and thanked her for coming in. Howard told her to doll herself up for Paul McCartney. Artie asked her to get him a cupcake before she left.
Howard said that he wanted to reward Dan for that Tracy ''Douche'' song that he created. Howard played the song as a reminder for the great work Dan does for them.
Howard played a Bleeding Deacons song parody of a Beatles song. It was ''Robin's Black Boobs Are Fine.'' Howard said he might play that one for McCartney. They actually did a couple of Beatles covers about Robin's boobs. Fred played a bunch of those but Howard wondered where Dan's new one was. Gary told him where it was. It was a cover of McCartney's ''Jet'' and it was called ''Tits.''
Howard and Fred played a bunch of Beatles covers that various people covered. Howard said that Robin asked the question and got her answer with all of those parodies. Howard said that there were many non-Robin bits as well. He played Gary the Retard singing ''Twist and Shout.'' They also had a Jack and Rod bit where Sal and Richard played a game with a caller and had the guy trying to guess what song they were playing. The guy had obviously never heard a Beatles song before. He wasn't able to guess what song it was that they were playing for him. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard said that Brody Jenner is coming in. Artie was making fun of his new TV ''Bromance'' show yesterday. Howard said this kid has banged a lot of hot chicks. He had a picture of a chick that he threw away and he told him that he's his kind of hero. Her name was Kora.
Howard thanked Brody for coming on the show and said that he'd talk to him about his TV show later. Howard asked him when he found he had power over women. Brody said that he was kind of chubby at 13 and 14 but he started surfing and got into shape.
Howard asked about this girl Kora and found out she's a lingerie model. Brody said he met her at a club. Howard asked him when he lost his virginity. He said he was 15.
Howard asked Brody about his parents, Bruce Jenner and Linda Thompson, and found out about how screwy his childhood was. Brody said that his father moved out when he was 2 years old. His mother married David Foster the music guy and he hardly heard from Bruce as he was growing up. Brody said that he still loves his dad and he had a great relationship with the guy. Brody said that he thinks his father is enjoying life now but he might be living in the past.
Howard said that Brody's step-sister is Sarah Foster who used to be on MTV. Howard asked if he would bang any of his step sisters like Sarah or Kim Kardashian. Howard said that Kim has a hot face but her ass is huge. Artie said he likes the little Kardashian sister. Brody said he hopes that it's not his 9 year old sister. Artie said that it wasn't the 9 year old.
Howard asked if the little one has the big ass yet. Brody said that they're all pretty well endowed. Artie said that he likes all of the girls because they're all hot.
Howard said that Brody looks a lot like his mother. Robin said he has Bruce's old nose. Howard asked Brody if he ever asks his father about why he did to his face what he did. Brody said he didn't think he was a bad looking guy and he did that. He said he's never had that conversation with his father. He has told his mother not to have plastic surgery though.
Howard and Artie asked about the show ''The Hills'' and what that show is all about. Brody said that the show is real and it's not just a scripted show. Artie interrupted the conversation at one point to complain about Benjy's food. Artie said that he was putting shit on his salad and it was gross. He said it was like a deli back there.
Howard asked Benjy what he was doing. Benjy said he had a salad. Artie said that he could smell it and he had to leave because it was going to make him throw up. Benjy said that he wouldn't be able to tell if he was in or out of there with it.
Howard got back to Brody and talked to him about the hot chicks he's been with. Howard said he started having sex at 15 but Brody said his brother started at 13. Artie said that's a pretty cool family. Brody said the girl was the same age as him.
Howard mentioned the ''Bromance'' show and talked to him about that. Brody said that Ryan Seacrest came to them with the show idea. Howard asked if he's as big of a douche as some people think. Brody said that Ryan is a cool dude and he works really hard. Artie asked if he's ever seen Ryan with a broad. Brody said that they have talked about girls but he's never seen him with one.
Brody talked about the guys on the show who are trying to be his friend and how some of them have broken down crying on the show. Brody said that he doesn't think that it's about being friends with him, they're just looking for guys that they can open up to. Brody said that these guys are all nice kids. Howard said that they're crying like bitches because they want to be around him and his friends. Howard asked if he's really going to let them into his circle. Brody said that they get to live in his condo for a year. Brody said that he's giving them the Downtown L.A. place that he has. He has another place where he'll be staying.
Brody said that the guy who won is a really nice guy and he would hang out with him. He said that he can't hang with him because the show is still airing.
Howard asked Brody if he ever thanks god that he doesn't look like him or like Benjy. Brody said that he loves them and would never say that
Howard asked Brody about his famous friends and found out that he got to meet Michael Jackson when he was a kid. Brody said that he's not sure if Michael was into him or not. He said that it was just a quick meeting back when he was little.
Howard asked Brody if his mother ever talked about dating Elvis. Brody said that David Foster hated when she'd bring that up. Brody said that his mother was out at a party and Larry King was asking her about the Elvis thing at a party and Foster told Larry that maybe they should talk about all of his ex-wives that he's fucked.
Howard said he wants to ask his mother about dating Elvis and what went on there. Brody said that she's got some incredible stories. Howard said he bets that Elvis never went down on her. He said that Elvis never did anything like that. Howard said he's pretty sure that Elvis didn't like that kind of stuff. Brody said he's never talked to his mother about that.
Howard said that Brody is dating this Playboy model Jayde Nicole. Howard asked how he met her. Brody said that he was hooking up with her best friend a couple of years ago. He said that he stopped hanging out with that other chick but he knew Jayde. He said that she sent out a mass e-mail about going to the Playboy mansion party one time and he thought it was just for him. He eventually met up with her again and started dating.
Howard asked Brody about how he's able to last with a chick when he's banging her. He said that he uses a condom but he also has to ''clear the pipes'' before he's with them. Artie said that he always jerks off after a date. Brody said that he's done that too.
Howard asked Brody about being faithful to Jayde. He said that he is. Artie told him that he shouldn't settle down until he gets to like 1000 chicks. Brody said that Artie doesn't know if he's there or not. Artie wanted a ball park figure but Brody said he didn't know.
Howard asked Brody if he's ever had a couple of chicks at the same time. Brody said that he had four chicks at one time. He said that was a little hard to organize though. He said the girls were doing stuff to each other. Brody said that he was with this chick who liked girls and she organized the other 3. Brody said that girls flocked to her and she would take them home. He said that he just happened to be able to be there at the time because the girls were really into the chick he was with.
Howard asked about the four girls and how they got all of that going. Howard figured they were getting wasted on something but they must have known that something was going to happen. He asked Brody what his game plan is in something like that. Brody said that you just have to go with the flow. He said that he didn't bang any of the other three chicks. He said that there were some hands and mouths involved though.
Howard read that Brody went out with Nicole Ritchie. He said that they grew up together so he knew her pretty well. Brody said that she was good in bed when Howard asked. Howard said he'd like to do her. Howard asked if he went to her wedding. He said he wasn't invited. Brody said that he never got to bang Paris Hilton. He said that it just never happened. He said they were just friends. Howard said he figured that a chick like that would be all over him. Brody said it just never happened.
Howard asked how you break up with a chick like Nicole after being friends for so long. Brody said that you never really plan it out.
Howard said that JD hates Brody. He said that he was in there talking about how much he hates him yesterday. JD came in a short time later and said that he wouldn't have made the Bromance show because he can't get chicks. JD said that was one of the requirements to get on the show. Brody said that he has faith in JD and thinks that he could get chicks. JD said that he can't and Howard backed him up on that.
Artie said that JD got laid in Vegas and it ended up costing him a grand. Howard said that JD hates Brody because he's everything that he's not. JD said that he hates Brody when he sees him on TV but he really doesn't know what he's like in real life. JD said that he seems nice on the show. Howard said that douche bags are douche bags wherever they are. JD said that he's a douche on those TMZ shows and stuff like that.
Artie told JD that his job is to tape Brody's life. He was laughing at him about that. JD said he was glad he came in there to have everyone goof on him. JD said that he thought Brody was kind of a douche for talking about how he had to turn girls away because so many of them come on to him.
Howard said that JD hung out with Ryan Philippe and he was jealous of him too. JD said he wasn't jealous of him. Howard asked if JD wanted to go out and hang out with Brody in L.A. JD said that he's not looking to do that. Brody said that his girlfriend has a lot of hot chicks that he could set him up with.
Howard asked Brody about Lindsay Lohan and what happened there. He wondered if there was a bad smell there or something. Brody said that things just didn't work out. He said that she's a very fun girl. Howard said that he did start making out with her and he had to have thought of something that turned him off. Brody said that there were some other people around and he just wasn't going to go that far with her.
Brody was talking about how great his girlfriend was. He said that she's great in bed so Howard asked him what makes a chick great in bed. He said that they have to be wild and have multiple orgasms. He said that's what's great about Jayde. Artie said that he's never been in the room when a chick has had an orgasm.
Howard said that he's heard that Brody can get $20,000 to just show up at a club for a party. Brody said that he feels really fortunate to be able to do stuff like that. He said that he gets to just hang out, sign autographs and hang out with the fans. He said he loves his fans and people who support him.
Howard asked Brody if he's ever banged any of his fans. He said that some of them are kind of stalker-ish so he doesn't really do that. Howard said that no one ever stalks him.
Howard gave Brody a plug for his show ''Bromance'' and said that he's having a pretty amazing life. Brody said that life is about celebrating it because it's too short. Artie said that his hasn't been short enough.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked if Kathie Lee Gifford was his God Mother. Brody said that she's not. Mariann was screaming out a bunch of other stuff so Artie ended up goofing on her while Fred played some crow cawing sounds.
A caller asked Brody if Kristin Cavaleri is shaved completely. Brody said that she actually is. He dated her and talked about how a lot of girls like to be spanked too. He said that he'll spank chicks and choke them if they ask him to.
Another caller said he agreed with JD and Brody is a douche. Then he asked him about Spencer Pratt and what he thinks about the way the press portrays him. Brody said that Spencer was labeled as a villain early on and he knows exactly what he's doing.
Another guy went off on Brody for getting paid 20 grand to show up to a party. He said that there are so many rich kids flaunting this stuff on TV. The guy was upset that they have all of this crap on TV.
Howard asked Brody if he's really a ''rich kid.'' Brody said that his mother isn't poor but he pays his own bills and stuff and he ended up getting David Foster paid for the ''Princes of Malibu'' which was a show that he produced. Howard asked what his first car was. Brody said that his first car was an Escalade. The first car he got from his parents was an F-250.
Another caller said that this guy is a fuckin butthole. He said he didn't think he'd get through if he didn't say that he had met the guy. The caller said that he was lame with the whole ''bro'' thing. He called him some names and told him that Artie didn't like him either.
Ralph called in and said that he was kind of in the JD camp and thought he was a douche bag but he's coming off pretty good on the show today. He said that he might have been wrong about him and he might not be such a douche. Howard said Ralph would know because he's a douche bag himself.
Howard said that JD is just an angry guy so that's why he doesn't like Brody. Brody said that if people are hatin' on you then you must be doing something right. Howard told Brody to go out and keep banging the chicks. He said that he should give it to them hard and fast and keep pollinating.
Howard gave Brody some plugs for his ''Bromance'' show that airs on Monday nights at 9 o'clock on MTV. He asked him if he's ever banged a fat chick. Brody said that they do have to take one for the team once in a while. He asked him to let JD smell his finger before he left. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said that he loves Bubba's terrestrial radio show on their channel. He said that he wasn't just saying that either. Howard said that Bubba was talking about Bernie Madoff and what's going on with him. The judge in the case doesn't want to lock the guy up for some reason. The guy is staying in his apartment and he has guards and people going through his mail and stuff so that's costing money. Howard said he heard that Madoff has to pay for it but he's using the money that he's ripped off from people.
Robin said that they're saying that Madoff's problems are causing more anti-Semitism because Madoff is a Jew. Howard said that it really bothers him that the guy is sitting at home in his apartment. The guy could just run off at any minute.
Gary came in and said that Jason was just telling him that the money thing is even bigger than they're saying it is. The government is going to lose money on the whole thing because the people who paid taxes on their supposed earnings can now get those taxes back.
Howard said there was an article in Blender magazine about this kid who was so into Guitar Hero that his father let him drop out of school. Howard said they have to get this kid and his father on the air. Gary said that the father was a coach and he told the kid that he should follow his passion even if it was a video game. The father got the kid a tutor for school and for 12 or more hours a day the kid practices the game.
Howard asked Gary to explain the game to him. Gary told him that there are buttons on this fake guitar and you have to press the buttons based on what you see on the screen. Gary said that it looks like you're playing guitar but you're just hitting buttons.
Gary said that there's a kid out there who is a Halo expert and he made about half a million in endorsement deals and stuff. That's what they're looking to have this kid do with the Guitar Hero thing. Gary said that they got an endorsement deal with an energy drink and then the deal was pulled when the company found out that the kid was a diabetic. Gary said the kid even had a girlfriend but she dumped him when she found out that all he wanted to do was play Guitar Hero.
Dominic Barbara called in and told the guys about the Madoff case and what he thought was going to happen. He said that Madoff is going to spend the rest of his life in jail but he could escape. Howard said that there are people who have lost their life savings and there has to be some kind of retribution for them.
Dominic was saying that there are people who have been wiped out to zero money because they gave the guy everything. He said that the guy would tell them that he would give them interest on their checking accounts too.
Dominic talked about some of those people who lost everything and how they had worked for their whole lives to make that money. Howard said that Madoff even ripped off his own family members. Howard said the guy has to be completely soulless. Dominic said he's going to be on Larry King tonight and he will mention Howard's name.
Howard said that it's the greatest thing you've ever heard. Howard found the page of clips but Gary came in and told Howard that Paul McCartney was there. Howard had to cut him off and said he'd get back to him later.
Paul McCartney came in singing a Happy Birthday song to him and gave him a guitar as a gift. Howard sounded shocked. It was signed by Paul to Howard. Howard asked where it came from. Paul said that the bass was from his crew and it was similar to one that he plays himself. Howard said he will cherish that.
Howard asked Paul about this new group he's in and how that all came about. Paul said that they were doing a band thing where they were just doing instrumentals and then someone suggested that they throw in some vocals. Paul said that at first he just threw in a bunch of nonsense. He said that he doesn't sit down and write anything, they just make it up as they're going along. Howard said he likes it.
Howard told Paul that he likes that he's out there doing his thing. Robin asked if he's ever gone through a slump. Paul said that he's never had that happen but he thinks that it will sometimes.
Howard asked Paul about his marriage and divorce and told Paul that he warned him about that marriage. Paul said that he's denying everything about that whole marriage. Howard said that he should find that owl that told him to marry that chick and maybe eat him for dinner.
Howard said that Paul is writing songs about these lights shining on him and he thinks that it was the divorce that caused that light to shine on him. Howard said that maybe he needs that darkness to come on him to inspire him to write these great songs. Paul said that he might be right about that.
Howard said that everyone is trying to date Paul right now and he has a couple there who want him as well. Howard said he saw that Paul dated Renee Zellwegger for a short time. He said he liked seeing that. He also saw Christie Brinkley throwing herself at him. Paul told him that he reads too many newspapers. Paul said that he went out to some concerts out in East Hampton and his nephew asked him if he wanted to say hi to Christie Brinkley. He just went over and said hi to her and kissed her on the cheek. He said that they got pictures of him doing that and made something out of nothing. Paul said that it was the same with Renee.
Paul said that there were women that he dated that summer but it wasn't Renee. Howard said that he was following Paul because he wants him to find love and be connected to someone good. Howard said he was horrible affected by his divorce. Howard said that he respects Paul for taking the high road. Paul said that things don't always work out and he likes to stay dignified and not go mouthing off all the time. Paul said he has kids and he doesn't really talk about that. He wanted to talk about The Firemen, this new group he's working with.
Howard asked Paul if he's happy with this new broad he's with. Howard said that Paul has to be nervous about this new chick that he's with. He asked who could satisfy him sexually, he's Paul McCartney. Paul said he thinks Howard could.
Howard asked Paul about this rumor about John Lennon being attracted to him. Paul said that he grew up with John and they slept in the same bed in hotel rooms and stuff and never once did he see any hint of that. Paul said that he thinks that there would have been a hint of it somewhere that he was gay, if he was gay. Paul said he doesn't think it's true at all.
Howard said that he read that John was so attracted to him that he was sort of at his mercy because he was so in love with him. Paul said he likes that theory but he really doesn't think it's true. He said that you can make up theories about anything and it doesn't make them true.
Robin told Paul that she's throwing her name into the ring to date him. She said that she thinks that they could be very happy together. Robin said that she's a vegan, low maintenance and they could be a great couple. Howard said that maybe he can take her to the inauguration with him. Paul said he thought he was just going to do this radio show and didn't know it was going to be a dating game. Howard said that Paul's daughter told him to be more selective so maybe he should give it a try.
Paul said that he's just making all of this stuff up and he loves him for that. Howard told Robin to show Paul her breasts. Robin said that Paul wouldn't like that. Howard asked Paul if he's dated a black woman before. Paul said that he has.
Howard said he had to get to a lot of stuff with Paul. He asked him if it was true that the ''Abbey Road'' album was supposed to be called something else. Paul said that they were considering calling it ''Everest'' based on their engineer smoking Everest cigarettes at the time. Then they thought about going out on the street and just calling it ''Abbey Road'' because they were on Abbey Road making the album. They did it because it was a cheap way to shoot the album cover and keep them working right nearby.
Howard asked Paul about Ringo's recent claims that he has no time to sign stuff for the fans and telling them not to send him any stuff. Paul said that he has the right to do that. He said that it's a brave thing to do. He said that he heard about the ''Peace and love'' thing with him and that was very brave of him to do.
Paul said that Ringo went out and did a show in Liverpool and the people loved him there. Then he went on a talk show and was asked if he still loves Liverpool. Ringo said ''not really'' when he was asked. Then there was a topiary of the Beatles there and someone cut Ringo's head off.
Howard asked Paul about how he and Yoko are doing. Paul said that they're fine. Howard asked about a 13 minute song that he wanted to release that Yoko didn't want to release. Paul said that it was actually George (Harrison) that didn't want to release it at the time.
Paul told Howard a story about the song and how he just told people to come in and hit instruments in a studio and recorded that for 15 minutes. Paul said that they never did anything with it back then but now they're kind of relevant and people might be interested in it. He said that he thought it would be good on the Anthology album to tell part of their story. Howard said that maybe Pete Best could get some money out of that too. Paul said that he would have gotten something.
Howard asked Paul if he feels bad about kicking Pete Best out of the band. Paul said that he doesn't regret that at all. He said that they kind of fell in love with Ringo's drumming. He said that they used to go see the band and just thought that Ringo was great. He sat in for Pete one night and that was it. Howard said that's the lesson for Pete because he missed work one day and lost his job.
Howard said he hasn't spoken to Paul since George Harrison died. He asked how he's doing since then. Paul said that it's very tough because you want them back all the time. He said you have to remember the great stuff and just move on. Paul said that there is a sadness to any story he has that includes George.
Howard asked how George's son is doing and if he keeps in touch with him. Paul said that he's very talented and he does keep in touch. Paul said that there are Julian and Sean who have their father's talent and the other kids of the band members are good as well.
Howard asked Paul if he's depressed about the world situation right now. Paul said that he's not happy but he is an optimist about it. He said that they've seen so many things over the years and he thinks that it will get better. He said he's excited about Barack Obama.
Howard asked Paul where he's living these days. Paul spends some time over in England and also out in the Hamptons so he can have the papparazzi photograph him and invade his privacy. Howard told Paul he should give it to Christie Brinkley just one time Paul told him that he's so bad.
Howard asked Paul what he does in a typical day. Paul said that he gets up, eats breakfast, brings his daughter to school, talks to the teachers and parents and then picks her up in the afternoon. Howard asked him about the sharing the custody. Paul said that's private and he'd prefer not to talk about that stuff. Paul said his 5 year old is edible and he really loves his daughter. He said it's a thrill to have her and it's an education for him.
Gary came in and told Howard that Paul had to get going soon. Howard moved on to talk about his new album, ''Electric Arguments,'' and played some of the tracks off the album. Howard told him he had some suggestions for him on which songs to play. Howard said that he likes ''Blackbird'' as his favorite Beatles song. He played the single off of the new album. Paul said that they made that one up in one day. Howard played the whole song since Paul said he wanted to hear a whole song.
Howard kept pausing the song so Paul would tell him to play more of it. Howard told him he sounds great in the song. Paul said that he made up the words to the songs as they went along. Howard asked if it leads to regrets. Paul said that it's kind of like improvisational theater. He said that he wanted to know what it was like and now he knows. Paul said that he was talking to a journalist who read back the lyrics to him and it sounded like a poem to him. He had never read them before since they just made them up as they went along.
Howard played another track from the album called ''Highway.'' Paul sang along to that a little bit. Howard said that he should have had sex with Renee Zellwegger to that one.
Paul told his kids not to grow up like Howard. He said that he can be a little vulgar when he's doing his show.
Howard asked Paul if he plays Guitar Hero or any of those games. Paul said that he doesn't but they're doing a Beatles version of one of those games and it should be kind of cool. Robin asked Paul if he ever dreamed that they'd still be playing songs like that today. Paul said that they thought that they wouldn't make it past a couple of years.
Artie told Paul to let his kids grow up listening to Howard because that's what he did... and look at how he turned out. That led to Howard telling Paul about Artie's drug problems and his struggles with the heroin and stuff. Paul said that he wouldn't suggest that anyone get involved with drugs.
Paul said that it was peer group kind of thing and he didn't really get into cocaine. Paul said that one guy did heroin one time and asked him if he wanted to try it. He was fearful of that and didn't get into it. He said he was lucky that he didn't get involved with it. Paul said that he got fed up with the cocaine thing and only did it because everyone was doing it at the time. Paul said that it was just before it broke mainstream and he stopped it before then.
Paul said that his suggestions to kids are to just tell people that they've tried it and gotten over it. Paul said that he's not even smoking weed anymore.
Howard asked Paul if he's a vegan. Paul said he's a vegetarian because he does like to eat eggs and cheese. Paul said that he's against the cruelty to animals and eating eggs isn't really cruelty.
Paul tried to get back to the album so he steered Howard back to that. They talked about The Firemen and why that name came up. Paul said that he works in the woods sometimes and makes trails in the woods with his chain saw and you make fires back there. He said his father was also a fireman.
Howard told Paul that he wants to talk to him about Robin's coffee enemas next time he's on. Howard said he had to wrap up because he was being given the hi-sign. Howard told Paul he really wants to do an 18 hour interview with him so they can get all of this stuff out in one interview. He didn't have enough time with him today. Howard played Paul out on another song from his album called ''Light From Your Lighthouse.'' They went to break after that.
Howard came back after that and said that interview was fun. He took a call from a guy who said that was an awesome interview. He wished that Howard could have tied him down and kept the interview going. Howard said that they were under a lot of pressure to get him in there and pack in as much as possible.
Howard said he likes to have a long conversation to get into a lot of stuff. He said that it was a lot of fun and he really digs that guy. He said that he got that signed bass guitar and he's got one from Metallica and a couple of other things that he's been blown away by.
Artie said that he was trying to figure out who played what in the Beatles. He didn't seem to know that Paul was playing bass.
Howard said that he was watching the tribute to George Harrison and they had George's son out there playing guitar with people like Clapton, Prince, Tom Petty and others and the kid must have thought that he had no right being out there. Howard said that's got to be a tough position. He said that would be tough for him if he were the son of someone like that.
Howard took a call from Irish John who said that the interview really was great. He said that he is the master and doesn't get enough credit for his interviews. John asked if he gets an anxiety when he does an interview like that. Howard said he did for this one but not usually. He said there was a lot of pressure with this one so he was a little anxious. Howard said it's because Paul and his music means so much to him.
Howard said that Paul seemed to be having a good time there with them. He said that he was dancing around while they were playing the music and he was loose and comfortable with them.
Artie said that it was his goal to get him to look at him once. He did make that happen. He said that Paul also insulted him though.
Artie said that Howard also got nervous interviewing Brody Jenner. It's Paul McCartney and Brody Jenner that make Howard nervous. Howard said that he has so many questions for Paul. He said he'd like to start in the early years and then move into the Beatles, Wings and the current stuff. He said he'd like to get every bit of information from him that he can. Howard said that's what people like to do with their families before they die.
Bobo called in and said that the interview was great. He said he wanted Howard to ask him about the time he was on WCCC and tried to bail him out of jail. Howard said he probably has no idea he tried to do that.
Bobo also asked about the new American Idol. Howard said that there's a lot of filler there but it is fun when they have the goofy auditions and stuff.
Howard played some audio from the show Eric did last night on the JFSC where they had major technical problems. Eric's co-host Gina was blasting out too loud and his tech guy, King, was trying to get it all straightened out. King said that they were going to have to start late because they were having so many problems.
Howard said his Batman and Robin sketch that he did as a kid was better produced than this was. Howard said he did that when he was a little boy. Artie said it was nothingness and like Avant Garde TV. Howard said he thought that Scott the Engineer was moonlighting and working for Eric.
Howard asked Eric what he thought about how things were going at that point. Eric said that they weren't going well at that point. Howard said they eventually worked through that and got to the show. Howard said that they didn't bother restarting, they just kept going.
Howard played some more clips where Eric and Gina were talking. Eric was talking about Idol and Gina was telling people to mute their windows so they didn't have echo.
Eric was asked about the new format for the show and talked about what he thought about the new judge. Eric said he thought she was very good looking. Eric was asked by someone in the room if he'd bang the new judge. Eric said he didn't know about that. Artie interrupted and said that this was awful and disgustingly dull.
Eric said that ''Beer League'' wasn't any better. Howard told him that he saw Beer League and it was better. Howard had one last clip to play from Eric's show. He said that Eric was getting into fights with chat room members.
In the clip Eric was telling people that he was kicking them out for some of their comments. Eric told one guy to lower his font and take his caps off or he'd kick him out. Artie laughed and said ''What a fag...'' Howard said that he told them that this was a great show. He said that Eric was going off on a guy for having a big font and the caps on.
Ralph called in and told Howard that the Paul McCartney interview was great. He said that he really should do the ABC thing like Robin suggested. Howard said that this is fine on the radio show.
Ralph asked Eric why he's doing this show of his. He said that it's really terrible and it's not even funny ''bad.'' Ralph wanted a serious answer from him.
Eric said that he wants to do it, that's why he's doing it. Ralph said that he's not even vocal and barely has any answers for his co-host. Eric said that he was getting irritated with one of his co-hosts who was being too outspoken about some things. Howard asked if that was the male co-host who was in a bar doing his thing.
Eric said that he was talking about him going to the Bunny Ranch too much. Eric said that he was irritating him with the shit he was saying about the Ranch and some of the girls there.
Howard said that he thinks that he gets into a fight with the co-host in the clip. Howard played the audio and King ended up talking about ''the whores'' from the Bunny Ranch not being in the chat. King told Eric that there won't be any whores in the JFSC. King said that he'd rather fuck his hand because he knows where that's been. King was telling Eric about what he was tasting when he was going down on Airforce Amy's twat.
Howard asked who this guy is that is controlling the show. Eric said that he wanted this chick Bentley Joe to be on the show. Ralph said that Eric has to put his foot, or wheel, down and control these guys. JD said that the two co-hosts talk most of the time and not Eric. Howard said that Eric shouldn't let them get away with that.
Eric said he didn't want to go off on them during the show. JD said that the whole show was shit but there was another clip where the co-host got upset about the web site or something.
Eric said that this guy who he was arguing with was the guy who put together the web site. Ralph said he thinks he's a douche bag and he just wants to hear Eric talk about the show.
Howard said those were just a few samples of Eric's show. He said that he had one clip of Eric's show going dead for like 30 seconds. He played the clip where Eric and Gina were talking and things just went dead for about 30 seconds. Howard played the dead silence that went on for quite a while. Eric said that he thought the only person having problems was King. Then the Eric came back on and talked about some more of the show. Robin said that must have been the best part of the show.
Howard said that the audio must be really bad because they're all in different locations. Howard said that they should have them in the same location or something. Maybe have Eric's roommate to be his co-host or something. He said that the other people aren't so special that they can't live without them. Howard let Eric go after that.
Howard said that his show was better than that when he was 5 years old. He played the audio that he had recorded in his room almost 50 years ago doing a Batman and Robin bit. Howard did the voices of Batman, Robin and others and the audio quality was far superior to Eric's online chat room. Howard even did the sound effects in the Batman thing.
Jeff explained how he had won a game show prize where he got a trip to New York. He said that he called Game Show Network Live and won this game. Artie was laughing at Jeff while he was explaining that and said that Jeff makes him feel so much better about his life.
Howard asked Jeff more about what he was doing to win this contest. Jeff said he had to play a game where he had to answer questions about the pyramids in Egypt. Jeff said it was just one question about what the name of something you can find in Egypt so he said ''pyramids'' and won.
Jeff said that he won the trip to the Algonquin hotel and he thought that it was going to be all expenses paid. Then he woke up with a bill under his door for $380. Jeff said that he made some phone calls but didn't order any movies or take anything from the bar.
Jeff said that he made some local calls but that's it. Will came in and said that Jeff was staying in a non-smoking room and he was smoking in it. Jeff claims he didn't know. Gary said that they tell everyone that it's a non-smoking room. Artie said that he got a fine for smoking in a non-smoking room one time and it was $250.
Jeff claims that the whole hotel is a non-smoking hotel. Gary asked if he used a glass of water as an ashtray. He said that's what he did.
Jeff said that he had Mariann from Brooklyn come to the hotel and have dinner with him. Jeff said that he ordered mashed potatoes and gravy and the waiter brought the filet mignon out with gravy on it. He said he had to ask the waiter ''what the fuck?'' because no one eats steak with gravy on it.
Howard asked Jeff if he had to give a credit card when he checked in. Jeff said that he gave them his debit card so he's fucked. He said he only has like 2 dollars in his account.
Howard asked Jeff what he was going to perform today. Jeff said that it was ''I Wonder If You Think Of Me.'' Howard was supposed to have the music track for him but they didn't have it in the right location.
Howard asked Jeff about the new beard he had. Jeff said that it was a new look for him. He thought it made him look younger but Artie said he looks older than ever.
Howard had Jeff show his ass scar from the operation he had. Jeff showed them the scar and Howard asked what the thing was on his ass. Fred said that he has 3 asses. Artie was laughing his ass off and wasn't able to speak when he saw that. Robin said that it looked like Picasso had painted his ass.
Artie said it was the most disgusting thing he had ever seen and wondered if he could shit. Jeff said he can shit just fine.
Howard played the music track for Jeff and let him sing his song. Jeff was singing and the guys were responding when he would sing ''Do you think of me'' by saying ''No!''
The Howard TV guys were showing Jeff's ass shot on the monitors so Howard was asking where his asshole is. He said it looked like he didn't have one there. Howard asked Jeff to stop singing a minute in but Jeff just kept going. Howard eventually shut the music off.
Howard said that Artie was throwing stuff at him. Jeff wanted to keep going and told Howard ''that ain't right dude.'' He was upset that he didn't let him finish. Jeff had dedicated the song to his first girlfriend.
Artie asked Jeff where the shit comes out of his ass. Jeff said that it comes out of his asshole. Artie said that it was a confusing looking ass the way it was set up back there.
Jeff asked how much money he's getting today. Howard said that he was getting nothing. Artie said he felt bad for him. That led to Howard giving him some money so Artie wouldn't have to. Howard gave him $100. He said he wasn't going to give him any money but he felt sorry for him. Gary asked why they give money to him. He said that he's too stupid to know not to smoke in his hotel room. Howard said that he doesn't have to get mad at him like that.
Howard asked Jeff if he could throw darts at his dead arm. Jeff said he could if he wanted. Jeff said that he wanted to say that Marissa Tomei has nice nipples.
Gary asked Jeff if he was on Miserable Men on Sunday night saying that Artie has never done anything for him. Jeff said of course he did. He said that Artie has done some stuff for him but not really. Jeff said that Artie makes it sound like he's the best thing that's happened to him. Howard and the guys told Jeff that Artie has put him to work and sent him money. Artie said that he's sent him money for work he asked him to do and he's given him a total of about 2 grand over the years. He only worked for about 600 bucks of that two grand.
Jeff was complaining about having to drive to the gigs and having to spend money on stuff. Artie said that he did some shows near where he lives and he's still complaining. Gary asked Jeff who has given him the most money out of them there. Jeff said that it was Howard. Howard was giving him prize money though.
Jeff was blaming Bob Levy for making him say what he was saying on Miserable Men. Jeff said that he wouldn't say that stuff if it wasn't real. Howard said that was shocking that Bob would tell him to do that. Artie said he's not giving Jeff shit anymore. He said he hopes they make him wash dishes over at the Algonquin.
Howard gave Jeff $500 courtesy of TSS-Radio.com. Gary said he was against giving him that gift. Howard said he was too.
Shuli came in and said that Jeff was pissed at Artie the whole time and it wasn't Bob who made him say that stuff. Jeff said that he was mad. Shuli said that the bob story was bullshit and he didn't make him say any of that stuff. Jeff said that Shuli and Bob told him to come in and go off on Artie. Shuli said that he's lying about that.
Bob Levy called in and said that Jeff was the one saying he wanted to come on and bad mouth Artie. Bob said that Jeff went off on Howard and Gary too. Jeff said that it was Bob who told him to do that. Bob told him to take his arm off and beat himself to death with it. Howard let Bob go after that.
Shuli said that Bob was going to put Jeff on more shows and now Jeff pulls this crap. Jeff said that Bob is a fuckin' motherfucker and he told him to talk shit about Artie. Artie said that Jeff could have said no to them. Jeff asked why he was the bad guy there. Howard asked Jeff why he would listen to what Bob tells him. Jeff said he just wanted to finish his song. Howard said that they were done with that.
Jeff was on his way out but he kept talking as he was walking out. Yesterday he promised that he would leave when they asked him to leave. He wasn't being very cooperative today. Howard said it was great when Artie was throwing stuff at Jeff while he was singing.
Howard took a call from Eddie the Produce Guy who asked if Shuli was fighting with Scott Ferrall. Shuli said that he's heard that Ferrall has been trashing him for the past week because he hasn't been doing the show lately. Shuli said that he can't do the show that often because he's on so late. Shuli said that he loves the show but he can't do it that often. He said he loves the guy but wishes that he wasn't angry at him. Howard had to go to break after that.
Steve said that they still have plenty of tickets available for the Eric the Midget appearance that's coming up. They have sold 0.0 tickets so far.
Howard asked Robin if there's still a romantic spark there with Jim Florentine. Robin said she's not going to answer that. Steve had his chance yesterday and he missed the opportunity. Robin said that she's not considering anything but then said that she won't consider getting back together with Jim.
Robin told Howard she's not answering anymore questions. Then she said that she might have dinner with Jim but that's it. Howard asked if it's really over with them. Robin said that ''at this present time'' things are over.
Steve said that Lisa G is offering another cookie deal and this time they're not sending any of the proceeds to charity. Howard asked Steve if he thinks that it's wrong to do deals like that. He said that news people can never do things like that because it might take away from their credibility. Steve said that he wouldn't do it himself because he doesn't think it's right. He's not going to try and stop Lisa from doing it because they're not exactly ''60 Minutes.''
Artie asked if they knew a bigger ego maniac than Lisa G. He said that she's got a caricature of herself on cookies. Howard asked Steve if they're going to look into the charity aspect of the last cookie deal. Steve said that they may have to look into that.
Erie the Midget called back in and said that they just made the announcement about his tickets yesterday. They had it mentioned on their web site for a couple of months though. Eric said that he hopes his fans will start buying tickets soon. Artie asked Eric if he thinks that people wrote down a reminder to buy tickets and they're actually going to do it. Howard had to cut them off so he could get Steve going.
Steve said that they're going to have a special this weekend for Howard's Paul McCartney interviews on Howard 101.
Howard had Jon Hein run down his Wrap Up Show list of subjects they were going to cover today. They went over a couple of the things that he mentioned.
Steve Brandano came in with his Intern Show preview. They have new interns there so they'll be meeting some of them. Steve said that they'll talk to them about Brody Jenner and Paul McCartney and what happened today. Steve said that they'll be talking to the latest girls about JD and what they think of him. Steve said that they might be surprised by what they hear.
Robin started her news off with a story about Dominic Barbara's latest case that's in the news. It's the case of a doctor who gave up a kidney to his wife and now wants it back, or to be paid for it, because they're divorcing. Robin said that this woman has had 3 kidney replacements and a double mastectomy. She said that they should just leave her alone already.
Robin said that Roman Polansky wants back in the country. She read the story about him asking for the case to be dropped. Howard said that he hasn't heard much about him doing movies lately. Howard and the guys talked about that story for a few minutes. Howard said he can't imagine that anyone wants him back in the country. Artie said that Hollywood wants him back because they can make money with his movies.
Robin read a story about a 275 pound woman who found a tumor on her spine and she wasn't able to fit into the MRI machine. One of the assistants suggested they take her to the zoo to do the MRI test. The woman was highly insulted by that. Howard said she'll probably sue over that. Howard said that she should lose weight if she's insulted. He said he hopes she doesn't trample anyone at the zoo.
Robin read a story about a law that's allowing teachers to have sex with their students if the student is 18 years old or more. Howard said that no teacher should be having sex with their students. He said that it could be looked at as coercion and it's just wrong.
Howard said that these guys who are banging their students are guys who are losers and can't get a woman unless they're in a position of power. Artie asked about the work place. Howard said that's different. Howard said that the boss/employee line is different and another fine line to walk. He said that a boss has to be careful with that kind of thing. Howard said you have to think that kind of thing through carefully before you do that as a boss.
Robin read a story about kids in school who are passing along pictures of themselves. The 14 and 15 year olds are being charged with child pornography because they are distributing pictures to older kids. Robin wondered what the parents are supposed to do about that. Howard said that you sit them down and tell them they can't be sending out pictures. Artie said that he's been thinking about having kids but now he's not so sure. Howard cut him off and said that he has to give him some advice and told him that having kids just isn't for him. Artie said he thinks he's over all of that now.
Artie said that Howard told him not to get married too. Then he went out and got married. Artie said that maybe he's going to have a kid now that he's told him not to have a kid.
Robin read a story about a 70 year old woman who gave birth to a baby. Robin said that she and her 72 year old husband are now parents. Howard said that the breast milk must be spoiled. Artie said that it would be like Cloris Leachman breast feeding you.
Robin said that they had a story about a New Jersey couple that had named their kid Adolf Hitler. That led to Fred doing his Stuttering John impression introducing Hitler on the Tonight Show.
Robin said that this couple was upset that the local Shop-Rite refused to make a cake with their kid's name on it. Now the children have been removed from their home by child services and there is no explanation for why. Robin said that they have swastikas all over their house and deny the holocaust. They're due to have a hearing about the kids soon.
Robin had some news about the new season of American Idol and Kelly Clarkson coming out with a new album. Howard played some of her new song. Howard said that the song sounds more poppy than the last album did. Artie said that it sounds like any other pop album out there now.
Robin read some stories about last night's American Idol and had some audio clips from the show. They spent some time talking about the chick in the bikini that was on. Howard said that kids are into the good looking girls and that's what they need on that show.
Robin had Howard play a clip of one of the contestants that had a really deep voice. Howard said that his voice was freaky in the way that High Pitch Eric's voice is freaky because it's so low. Robin had some audio of Stevie singing a song too. Howard said that she was named after Stevie Nicks and they kind of liked her. Robin had Howard play a bunch of other clips from the show as well.
Robin read a story about Kevin James' new movie ''Paul Blart: Mall Cop.'' Howard said he thinks that Tim Stack wrote a movie about being a mall cop too. He said that FOX was supposed to make that into a TV show. Robin had some audio of Kevin talking about the movie. Artie was saying that he saw some of the previews of the movie and it looks pretty funny. While they were talking about that they brought up the Segway that Kevin rides in the movie and Artie talked about trying one out at Sam Simon's house one time.
Robin read a story about the new Notorious B.I.G. movie that's coming out. Robin had some audio of the stars from the movie talking about that. Howard said he thought that Artie would have been good in that part. Artie or Daniel Craig from the James Bond movies.
Robin had some audio of Daniel Craig talking about some other movie he did. Howard said that he should stick to the James Bond movies and not bother with that other shit. Robin wrapped up a short time later and they ended the show around 10:40am.
The guys talked about the Guitar Hero Beatles game that's coming out and how huge that is going to be. Gary said that Paul didn't even come up with a huge entourage. He said that people watch every move that Paul makes but he's pretty low key considering that.
Jon said that Paul almost seems like a regular guy even tough he's probably one of the richest guys in the world.
Jon said that he wasn't able to think of anyone who was bigger than McCartney coming on the show. Gary said that Mickey Mantle is the closest in his opinion.
The guys also talked about Robin getting all worked up about Paul. Gary said he had told Will that they should put a bucket under her chair. Gary said that in all of the years of the show Robin has never been that way with any guest. She seems to be getting more sexual as she gets older.
Benjy was saying that he didn't think that the Paul McCartney thing was about his looks either. He said that Robin would still be interested in him if he wasn't that good looking in 10 years. Gary said that he's not sure about that.
Gary said that Paul brought in that bass for Howard and Scott Greenstein had probably suggested that to Paul because he had been over at Howard's house and saw an empty spot for it over at his apartment.
Gary said that they didn't bother Paul with the pictures and the pre-interviews with Lisa G there today. He said that they figured that a guy like that should be able to come in and leave without going through all of that stuff. Gary was also saying that it appears that Paul and Howard both like each other.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he got up early this morning just to hear McCartney. The guy was also talking about Howard singing a song about Mickey Mantle when he died and he would never do that to McCartney. Gary said that's because Howard isn't into baseball as much as some people. Gary said that as far as icons go though, it's close between Mantle and McCartney.
Gary said that he came into work this morning extra early and he thinks that it was fun to come to work because of the whole McCartney thing.
Jon brought up Lisa G and what was going on with her and McCartney. Jon took a call from a guy who said that Robin sounded just like Clarence Clemens when he did the same thing to Robin that Robin did to Paul. The guy also pointed out that Robin said that she was ''low maintenance'' in that interview.
Jon played a clip of Robin taking to Paul about being low maintenance. After the clip Gary said that no woman who is high maintenance thinks that they're high maintenance.
Jon said that the 18 hour interview idea is a great idea but he's not sure that will ever happen. The caller also talked about getting Julia Roberts on the show one time. Gary said that she's not an icon though.
Gary talked about how he got Paul to come on the show for the first time. He said that he had to work really hard to get him that first time. This time it was the guys at SIRIUS who worked their magic and booked him to come in so he didn't have to work at all to make it happen. Gary said the first time was like a 10 year process.
Another caller asked about Bob Hope. Gary said that he called into the radio show for that. He said that was a good get for the show and he'd put him up there in the top icons that have been on the show.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he thought it was great that Robin and Lisa were in such heat today over Paul. They threw all of their morals out the window today. Jon said that they were out of control.
Jon asked Gary if he thought Sal was right about Lisa needing to do something to get the chance at Paul. Gary said that he did kind of agree with that.
The caller also asked Gary if they have any favorite shows of all time. Gary said that the 9/11 show was pretty special but they've had some great guests on the show over the years. He said that he'd go by interviews and not by full shows.
Jon took another call from a guy who called himself the King of All Weather. He said he had some suggestions about the interview and gave them some other facts that they could have asked him about. The guy ran through some facts about Paul and pointed out how interesting they were. Jon asked the guy if he was related to Vinnie Favale in any way. The guy said that he's just a huge Beatles fan.
Gary said that he thought it was funny when Howard talked about the man crush that John may have had on Paul and Paul went into the whole gay discussion. He wondered how often he gets asked about that. Jon said it's probably pretty often.
Jon and Gary talked about how comfortable Paul was in the studio today. Benjy said that he did that little dance and it really did look like he was having fun in there.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked about JFK Jr. being on the show. Gary said that he doesn't think that he really became an icon but he would throw him in the list of big guests that they got. The caller said that he thought that was a pretty big deal at the time. The guy said he's been listening to the show since he was 10 and JFK Jr. and McCartney are the only two that he made it a point to listen to.
Another caller said that the bass that Paul gave to Howard is worth about $30,000 with Paul's autograph on it. Gary said that he's not sure about that. The bass costs about 3 grand according to the caller but the autograph bumps it up. Gary said that he's not sure that it would be worth so much more just because he has signed it.
Benjy said that the car that was on the cover of ''Abbey Road'' had sold back in 1986 for about $23,000. He figured that it would be worth much more. Benjy said that it was just someone's car that was parked out on the road at the time.
Vinnie Favale (Vice President of CBS Late Night East Coast) called in and said that they tracked down the guy that was on the cover of that album just walking down the street. Vinnie said that the show was great today. He wanted to know what it was like when he showed up and if they took pictures or just talked to Paul after the interview.
Gary said that he got word on Tuesday that Paul had to be out by 8:45. They were going to get him in around 8 and out by 8:45. Gary told Howard that they had to get him out of there quickly. They didn't want to slow him down with cameras and stuff. Gary said that he showed up around 8 and they brought him in by 8:05. Then he was told that they were only going to give them 30 minutes so he was supposed to be out of there by 8:35. Gary said he didn't come up with that many people. Gary said that it wasn't the biggest entourage they've ever had. The biggest one was when Shaq showed up. They had like 14 or 15 guys.
Benjy asked Vinnie about Spitzer's whore, Ashley Dupre, and what Howard was talking about this morning. Vinnie said that he saw her on the bus and she looks incredible. Vinnie said that he was pointing her out to people on the bus. He hopes that she'll approach him some day. Vinnie said that the bus is half empty and he can't just sit next to her. He said that would be uncomfortable. Vinnie said that he was going to name drop around her to get her attention. He said that he may get the chance to sit next to her one day and make it happen.
Vinnie said that Ashley's mother drops her off at the bus stop like she's a kid. He said that his wife waits with him too but he's told her that he's not a kid anymore.
Gary asked Vinnie if he's ever met Paul before. Vinnie said that he saw him out on the street one time and he followed Paul for four blocks. Vinnie said that he passed him so he wouldn't be too creepy. Vinnie said that he's never done Letterman before either and he'd like to know why that is. Vinnie said that he's heard that they want him on American Idol too but they've butchered his music so much that he's not sure if he'd go on.
Vinnie said that the interview was electric and he's very proud of them for getting that interview. Jon asked Vinnie if he's concerned with the Leno show moving to 10. Vinnie said that they're killing now in prime time and he thinks that it will be lower rated at 10 than it was at 11:30. They spent a few minutes talking about how that might work out for NBC.
Jon let Vinnie go after that and talked to Gary about the ''east coast'' part of Vinnie's title and wondered what other shows he has to deal with. They figured it was just Letterman's show.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the bass that Paul gave to Howard might be priceless. Gary said that he actually saw Paul sign that guitar but he's not sure what it would be worth. Jon said that he doesn't think that it's priceless but he'd never let go of it if Paul gave him something like that.
Gary asked the caller if he would ever buy something like that. The caller didn't think he'd ever get the chance to do that.
Ralph called in again and said that he had an answer for Vinnie about how he can sit next to the hooker on the bus. He said he could have his wife drop him off a few stops down the line so it's more crowded.
Ralph was also talking about Robin getting all worked up about Paul today. He said that was very uncool and she could have slipped the guy her number instead of embarrassing herself in front of millions of people. Ralph said that the most embarrassing part was when she said she was low maintenance. He said that he almost fell out of his chair when he heard that.
Ralph was saying that he's more of a fan of McCartney's work with Wings than he was with the Beatles. Jon and Gary told him to stop with that. They thought that was ridiculous.
Benjy said that he had mustard and salsa and some ranch dressing that he was putting on his salad. Gary said that after he got yelled at Benjy ran into the office and he dumped the whole thing on the floor so there's a stain the size of a garbage pail cover. Benjy said that he tripped a little bit when he was trying to get Jon to smell the salad for him. Benjy said that Artie just saw it and went nuts over it. There's no way he could have smelled it.
Gary said that Benjy could get up early and eat before the show or eat during the break. Ralph said that Benjy has mental problems because he rushes out of the house every morning.
Jon got the guys back to Paul McCartney for a short time. Benjy said that they had Richard Pryor on the show but the guys didn't think that he was that big of an icon. Ralph said that people will listen to the Beatles forever. They won't listen to Richard Pryor like that.
Gary said that they ended up liking Brody Jenner today after that interview. Ralph said that he did kind of like him after that too. Ralph said that he doesn't seem to be taking his stardom for granted and that was kind of cool.
JD came in and talked about how Jason made him go in and take a picture with Brody while he was still there. He didn't talk to him out in the hallway. JD said he just took the picture and walked out. JD said he didn't need to hear the guys goofing on him.
Jon asked JD if he felt better getting that stuff off his chest about Brody today. He played a clip of that from the show and then got JD's reaction. JD said that he thought he made himself sound like a loser during that interview. Will said that wasn't a big stretch.
Will said that Brody doesn't come off like a douche bag on those shows he's on. JD said that he was on a bunch of those lame shows that he's on. Gary said that JD is on a reality show too. JD said that's different. JD was trying to defend himself but the guys were all piling on him. JD seemed to be getting confused about what he should be mad at. Gary told JD that he's on TV just like Brody is and there's not much difference there. JD said that he's different though, he's not a douche like Brody.
Gary asked JD if he was offered like 200 grand to do a show, would he do it. JD said that he's not looking for a lot of attention. Gary said that maybe Brody wasn't looking for that either. JD talked about some of the stuff they do on his show like he had been watching every episode. JD said he can't avoid the show because Richard Christy watches it all the time and texts him about it.
Will said that Brody was really nice about the whole JD thing today and didn't care that JD had bad mouthed him. He had no problem taking a picture with him. JD didn't seem to care about that.
Richard came in and said that his girlfriend watches these shows and he's became a fan because of her. Richard said he wanted to go in and offer Brody a ''bro job'' but that didn't work out. Richard was saying that he likes those shows because they're so bad.
JD said that all of these guys have girlfriends and he just doesn't get it. Richard said he can't be mad at those guys for being good looking and getting chicks.
Richard also talked about Paul McCartney's interview today and how he thought he was good looking for a 67 year old guy. Richard said that you have to respect a good looking guy who works that extra mile with a talent like that. The guys said that Paul was never really considered a model or anything. Richard said that he was hot when he was younger and women went nuts for him. Gary said that women went nuts for the whole band, even Ringo who has a nose the size of a house.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that his son was approached by the guys to do a casting call for that ''Bromance'' show and there were hardly any people auditioning. The guy said that his son turned them down and told them to leave him alone. The guy said that it sounds like the show is doing anything to have a regular kid on the show.
Gary asked the guy why his son turned down the show. The guy said that he was thinking about it but he has a career in mind and didn't want to go through with it. He said his kid didn't want to sit around in a house with a bunch of douche bags to try and get up this guy's ass. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon said that Jeff said he was going to sing his song and go but then he ended up sticking around to talk about the whole Miserable Men thing.
Gary said that Jeff has been dealt a bad hand, even if it is his fault. Gary said that Jeff has given up on life and has no pride in himself. He doesn't try to work and he's not nice about it when they give him money.
Jon asked why they give him money. Gary said that Jeff makes people feel sorry for him and they end up giving him money. Artie is usually the one who does that stuff.
Gary said they were going to do a bit where he was going to try and get Artie to give him $100,000. He thinks that it could have worked because he's so generous.
Shuli said that Jeff was asked to hand out some flyers this weekend and he got $500 for that. He had money on him today when he came in. Shuli said that Jeff knows that he wasn't supposed to smoke in his room and he has audio of him admitting it. Benjy said that $380 charge could have been from him making just a few phone calls too.
Richard said that he and Sal are having lunch with Nikolai Volkoff the wrestler today. Gary said that Sal told him about the lunch and he had no idea who he was talking about. Jon Hein seemed to think that it was a big deal.
Sal brought Nikolai into the room after that. Richard introduced him and said that Nikolai and Iron Sheik were the best tag team ever. Gary said that Sal was so excited he could almost see it in his pants.
Jon asked Nikolai how he met Sal. Sal told the story because he had met him at a comedy show down in Baltimore. Sal was all nervous being around him.
Nikolai said that he and the Sheik have always been friends and they're still close. The guys talked to him about where he was from and found out he was from Croatia originally. Jon asked him who he couldn't stand in the ring. Nikolai said he got along with almost everyone. The guys talked about some of the old wrestling matches and stuff but Gary didn't seem to get it because he wasn't a wrestling fan. They spent a minute talking to him before they had to end the show.
Howard started off the show saying that he had so much to talk about today that they should cancel all of the commercials. He said he could talk for four hours straight if he had to.
Howard said that Ralph was saying that Robin had embarrassed herself yesterday when she was talking to Paul McCartney. Howard didn't think that she had. Robin said she was just having fun with him and she did that for all of the girls who ever wanted to marry Paul.
Howard said he was going to ask Fred about this guitar that Paul gave him yesterday. Fred said that it's a Hoffner bass and that's what Paul has been playing for a long time. Howard said that it looks like it's used. Fred said it's a replica and it's artificially damaged to make it look used. Howard said it's in a case that even looks like it's been through the mill. Fred told him that it's a big thing in the business to do that. He said they have a Fender guitar that they put out that's like that and it will cost you $17,000.
Fred told Howard that what he has is a one of a kind bass. He said that because it's Howard's, it's going to be on TV and if he were to put it up for sale, it would cost a fortune.
Howard thought it was going to be one of Paul's old guitars but it turns out it wasn't. Fred said that he wouldn't give up one of his own. Howard said that it's a right handed guitar and Paul plays left. Howard said Scott Greenstein had something to do with it and he thinks that Paul told him to get him an authentic one and not a fake one. Fred said that they issued some like that which were only $350 but that's not what Howard got. He got one of the better, more expensive ones.
Howard said that it's not actually one of his guitars, it's just like one that he plays. Fred said that it's still valuable. Howard said that he'd prefer to have one that Paul actually plays. Robin said that would cost billions and Paul probably doesn't want to give it up.
Howard said that Paul is doing something for SIRIUS but he wasn't sure if he was supposed to talk about it. Gary said that they probably shouldn't say. He was there for a while after the show so the guys talked about that for a few minutes. Howard said that Paul went out and introduced Mel Karmazin for their town hall meeting.
Howard said that he took the guitar home and put it in a display area there. Gary asked about the guitar and what it might be worth. Howard said that the guy was wrong on the Wrap Up Show when he said it was worth like 30 grand. Howard said that he went on eBay yesterday and looked around at it. Artie asked if he checked on the pens he got him. Howard said that he got him the wrong pens and it looks like Beth is going to be using them since he doesn't use ball point. Howard said he only uses roller ball.
Artie said he was going to get Howard a watch. Howard said he's got a good one that he's been wearing for a while.
Howard said he went on eBay yesterday and saw his bass that Paul had given him. The high bid on it, with Paul's autograph, was $14,000. Howard said that wasn't the final bid though. Howard said he printed out the page. Fred said that the ''buy it now'' price was $14,500. They looked at it again and there were no bids on it at all.
Howard said he still thinks that he should have given him the real guitar and not the one he gave him. Howard said he listened to the interview again and there were about 15,000 questions he wanted to ask Paul that he didn't get to. He said he woke up in the middle of the night thinking about other questions he wanted to ask him.
Howard said he heard that Paul went to Israel recently and he can't imagine why he would want to risk his life like that. Howard said he did get a lot of threats over there. They were threatening to blow up his concert and stuff. Howard said that his daughter went over there a couple of years ago and he was terrified of that. Howard said his mother put the fear of that stuff in his head from when he was a little child. She did a job on him and made him feel like a veal the way she protected him.
Howard said that Artie had given him a note with his gift too and it was very emotional to him. Robin asked if it was more lies about rehab. Howard said that he loves Artie and he hopes that he'll be sober one day but he's giving up hope.
Howard said Gary called him two days ago and told him that Artie had called him about the drug test. Artie said that his lawyer told him he was nuts to agree to do that. Artie said that Gary told him the story the wrong way.
Howard said that Gary told him about Artie backing out of the test. He said that Artie had told his lawyer that they were making him take this test. Howard said that Artie volunteered. Artie kept interrupting and saying that he wasn't getting the story right. Howard told him that he's telling him his side of the story.
Howard said that if Artie ends up going to rehab he's going to lose out on his salary, gigs that he's got coming up and things like that. Howard said that Gary told him that Artie is looking at going to rehab as throwing money out the window instead of him getting help.
Howard said that Artie told Gary that he was thinking that he shouldn't take the drug tests. Howard said that for once he didn't get bamboozled and told Gary that there was no lawyer and he didn't have to lie to him anymore. Fred said that it's probably the same guy who he went to as his doctor at 5:30 in the morning.
Howard said he told Gary that the only guy who is afraid of taking a drug test is a guy who knows he's going to go back on drugs. Artie said that he doesn't trust himself. Howard said that Artie was euphoric and he thought he was going to stay off of heroin. Artie said that he hasn't gone back on heroin yet. Howard said he could see the Subutex on his lips this morning. Artie said he didn't take it and swore to god that he didn't. That doesn't mean anything anymore though.
Howard said he told Gary to tell Artie that he doesn't have to lie to them anymore. Artie kept trying to explain to them what was going on but Robin was shushing him. Artie said that really annoys him. He said he has to leave a room when a broad does that to him.
Howard said that Artie doesn't have to do this anymore. Artie said that he's not going to take a drug test anymore. Artie said that he would be willing to take something and if they do find heroin in there... Robin shushed him again. Howard told Artie he's off the hook and that's the end of that.
Howard said that it's so funny that Artie was using the lawyer excuse like any lawyer wouldn't be happy that he was doing something like that.
Howard got to Robin's gift and opened it up. Artie said that Robin forgot about his birthday and that's why her gift was 3 days late. Howard checked out the bottles of wine. Howard said there was no sheet on top like Robin said there was. Then he found it and read the notes. Robin said that they're notes about the wines that are in the bottles. They claim that they were hand selected by Robin.
Howard thanked Robin for that. She told him that there are three bottles of the same wine and they are drinkable now but they are also cellarable so that he can try them now and let the other bottles age so he can try them again in the future to see how they age.
Howard said that the gifts are unnecessary. He said that Fred got him something and he has to get it transferred home somehow.
Howard said that there will be no drug testing with Artie. Artie said that he's going to try to stay clean and healthy. Robin shushed him again. Artie said that brings him back to a particular time and if they were on a bridge right now, she'd be dead.
Robin said that the guy named Cuban Pete on the show ''I Love Lucy'' is also dead. They talked about that for a minute and then talked about Ricardo Montalban's death. Howard said that Ricardo was known for Fantasy Island and for the ''Rich Corinthian leather'' commercial. Howard said that he was also in the Star Trek movies. Howard said that Fantasy Island used to drive him nuts. He said that show was a vehicle for every shitty, washed up actor.
Howard talked about how ridiculous the plots were in all of those Fantasy Island shows. He said that he'd like to read some of the plots online.
Howard said that as a tribute to Ricardo he was going to play a Kidd Chris prank call. Jon Hein came in and told Howard about Fantasy Island and gave him some of the plots of that awful show. Howard asked Jon if he believes that Ricardo's character was supposed to be God. Jon said that he probably wasn't god but he did have god like abilities.
Howard asked Jon if he thinks that Tattoo on the show knew about the powers that Ricardo had. Jon ended up talking about how they brought in some other guy to be with Tattoo and that's around the time the show Jumped the Shark. Howard wondered if Ricardo was supposed to be an angel or something. Jon said that he had to face the evil Mr. Rourke on the show so that could be what was going on.
Gary came in with some of the plots of the show. He read one of the plots where one man wanted to experience life as a woman. There were others like people wanting to ask God why he took his kids from him. They didn't list who the stars were on the shows though. Howard said he wanted to know who they were.
Howard wondered if people went on that show thinking they were getting their big shot. Gary said that they probably did. He said that every one of the Brady Bunch cycled through that show at some point. Artie said that he thinks that Barbie Benton was on there a few times. Charro was also on the show a few times.
Howard said that as a tribute to Ricardo he was going to play the prank call they made to George Takei as Ricardo. They weren't even doing that great of an accent but they had Takei fooled into thinking it was really Ricardo calling. When they ask George if he's ever seen a midget naked, George says that he doesn't think that it's really Ricardo Montalban and hangs up.
Gary said that he had some more information and found that Barbie Benton did 8 episodes and Maureen McCormick did 6. Artie said that he was getting into that jerking of time when that show was on and he used to watch the show to get off on a chick like Barbie. Howard said he used to whack off to her until he was raw.
Artie said that they always threw her into the promos of Fantasy Island. Howard said that was back in the day when you'd get jealous of Hefner because he was dating Barbie. Howard said that now you see regular guys with hot chicks because they can go out and get implants and fix themselves up.
The guys were talking about what a joke Hefner has become. Howard said he's also a joke that most guys wouldn't mind living. Howard said that the guy is living the life at 86.
Robin said that Hef does get tired at his age and they have to drag him around for that show that he's on. Artie said that he'd hate it if the women were cheating on him. Robin said that he cleaned house because of that. Howard said they should show the girls cheating on him on that show. Howard said that would be a great show to watch.
Howard said he was at the mansion one time and he was slipped a note by one of the girls and she was asking them to sneak her out of there. Howard said that's the kind of stuff they should show on that show.
Robin said that there was a 24 hour a day body guard on the Playboy model that raced her in the Long Beach race she was part of. She thinks that he wasn't her body guard, he was making sure she didn't disappear.
Artie said that another guy that has lived too long is Robert De Niro. He said that he's doing shitty movies now. Howard said that he saw Righteous Kill and he and Al Pacino play cops and they're out there banging young chicks. Robin said that's what it's like in this ''88 Minutes'' movie too.
Howard got some more notes on Fantasy Island and read about some of the celebrities that did that show. There were many people who appeared on multiple episodes. They had Bob Denver, Larry Storch, Red Buttons, Alan Hale Jr., Florence Henderson, Charro and others who had appeared on 3 or more episodes.
Jon came in and told Howard about an episode of the show where this woman had to be saved from the devil's grasp. Roddy McDowell played the devil in that episode.
Artie said that they tried to be the Twilight Zone but it wasn't written as well. Jon read some of the other stars in that episode and it was just so goofy. Howard said they should get some fans together and do a Fantasy Island tribute where they go over some of the episodes.
Howard said he wants to bring Fantasy Island to Broadway as a play. He said that he doesn't want anyone to steal his idea.
Howard said that there's one episode where Sal tries to make up with Beth. Ronnie the Limo Driver is in that episode as well and they have a black woman who is willing to do anything to meet Ronnie. Howard said that Ronnie's acting is second to none.
Howard said that Ronnie had a bunch of skin tags removed from his face and the doctor told him that he was great on the Ronnie Mund Show. Howard said that he's becoming a triple threat there. He drives, he bodyguards and now he acts. Howard said his entire acting thing is being angry. Ronnie came in and thanked him for saying that he was great in that show.
Ronnie said that the doctor saw him yesterday and went nuts when he saw him show up. He talked about the episodes they shot and how they only took about 15 minutes to shoot.
Sal said that tonight's episode has JD and Jared in it and they have a very special twist in that episode. Ronnie said that he's working on a new show for this season that may have something to do with a strip club. Howard thanked Sal and Ronnie for coming in and booted them out of the studio.
Howard said that there was a guy who tried to stage his own death to get away from the law. He got a private plane and ended up crashing the private plane but parachuted out before it crashed. Howard said that he doesn't care if people kill themselves but when they make a plane crash, you don't know who you're going to kill. Robin said that the guy doesn't care about anyone else.
Howard said that the guy went to some campground and ended up getting on his computer and contacting friends. Artie asked how long he was out there before they found him. Howard said that the guy had slit his wrists and he was almost dead by the time they found him. Howard said that they can tell when you're being an asshole like that.
Howard said that in New York they're in for some really cold temperatures. Artie is going to Miami this weekend. Robin said that she's going to be down there too. She said she's going to see Dr. Roni down there. Artie said that he and Robin should get together down there.
Robin said that she's going down to a spa down there. Howard asked her if she was going to go out on the beach. Robin said she might go for a walk or something but not lay out on the beach. She said that she does that in the summer but she's not worried about getting darker. Robin said that she had a friend over the other day and she saw her in a summer picture and didn't recognize her because she was so much darker.
Artie asked Robin out again but she said that she'll be detoxing down there so she won't be eating. Artie said that he scheduled a colonic there in New York and he might be getting into that. Artie said he felt lighter after that. Howard told him if he wants to feel lighter then he should stop eating so much.
Howard said that Ruby Foos closed down and he loved that place. Howard said that this guy Steve Hanson runs a bunch of places and that was one of them. Howard said that the place had been there for a long time and it was always packed. Robin said that they had a bunch of them around. Howard said that if they had to close that one down it shows that the economy is really affecting everyone.
Howard read a story about Bai Ling going over and making out with Mickey Rourke after he won the Golden Globe award. Howard said that it just takes a little bit of power like that and women are all over you. Howard said that she wasn't making out with him a month ago.
Howard said that Steve Jobs stepped down from Apple. He had missed a big event with Apple and he told people that nothing was really wrong with his health but now it turns out that it's more serious than he thought. Howard said that's really sad because Apple does some cool stuff. He said that Jobs comes up with great ideas and another guy goes in and designs it. Howard said that they need Jobs there to keep that stuff up. Robin said that the stock had already dropped because of Jobs stepping down. He's actually taking a leave of absence.
Robin talked about Henry Ford and how he was the same way. She said that Ford was close to being illiterate but he would tell people that he can hire someone to do anything he needs to be done. She also said that Ford came up with the idea for the V8 engine and they thought it was impossible to create but he kept pushing them to do it.
Fred had isolated Robin's shushing clip and kept playing it when Artie would get into one of his long rants. Artie had told them that he had a woman do that to him as they were walking over the Brooklyn Bridge one time and he threatened to throw her over the edge if she kept that up.
Howard said that Steve Jobs had an operation for pancreatic cancer a few years ago. He said that Jobs is telling the staff at Apple that he has to step down for a while because his health problems are worse than he thought they were.
Howard said he has to find out who this other guy is at Apple who invents the stuff that Jobs comes up with. Howard said that they have these cool things like the iPhone and stuff like that. Howard said that he has a Palm Treo phone but it takes forever to get on the web. Richard said that he had a Treo and switched to the iPhone and it was the best move he ever made.
Gary asked Howard if he got the information that he sent him the other day about this new phone. Howard said that he doesn't want to wait for months for this stuff. Howard said that his phone has more problems. He said that he loves the Treo but he always has problems. He said maybe it's him and he doesn't know how to work it.
Gary told Howard that this guy Jonathan Ive is the guy who works at Apple. Robin said there's a Tony Fidel who was the originator of the iPod. Howard tried to figure out which guy it was that he wanted to mention. He read through an article but Robin was saying that Apple hired this guy Fidel back in 2001.
Howard said that the guys were telling him it was Jonathan Ive who was the inventor of the iPod, the iMac and other things.
Gary told Howard that the guitar Howard got was an original guitar that sells for about $3,500, not the $350. Fred then conformed that the designer of the Apple products is Jonathan Ive. Howard said that's what they had just said a minute ago.
Howard said that tomorrow is supposed to be only 14 degrees. Howard said that on Saturday it's only going to be 22 degrees. Howard said that he hates this fuckin' cold weather. Artie said that he has such guilt on nights like that because he thinks about the homeless people out there. Gary said that the schools take days off for cold days now. Howard said that they only took snow days when he was in school. Gary said that there are kids who have to walk to school and it's too cold for them to walk.
Gary said that he doesn't get that and his kids have been off for at least one day in the past year because of the cold. Howard said that's the effeminazation of the country. He had to go to break after that.
Howard came back a short time later. Howard read an article about a Playboy model who was coming out and talking about what it was like living there at the Playboy mansion. Howard said that she was saying that it wasn't all that great. She claims that she wouldn't see Hef all that much during the day.
Howard said that he had three beautiful women there to play ''Dumb as a Rock'' which was sponsored by Howard TV. He said that if the girls get a question wrong, they have to say ''I'm as dumb as a rock.'' That's how simple it is.
Howard said they had three girls coming in. He said they all looked great as they were coming in. He said that they'd never played the game before. He introduced each of the girls after talking about how they all wanted to get in plugs for various things. Howard said that no one wants to say that they're as dumb as a rock.
First up was Cara. Howard said that she's on ''Momma's Boys'' the new reality show. Howard said that she's very cute. She said that she was on the show a few years ago as Andy Dick's girlfriend. Howard said he remembered her because she was stunningly beautiful. She said that she never had sex with Andy. She sounded horrified when they asked her if she had spent the night at his house.
Howard read some notes about Cara Quici and they said that she likes to go to strip clubs and she likes to go to private rooms there. She was also claiming that she was a Christian but that goes right out the window when she goes to the strip clubs. Cara said that she has gone to clubs with her boyfriend so she can mess around with him and other women.
Cara talked about how all of the mothers on ''Momma's Boys'' really didn't like her. She said that they all hated her. Howard said she must have a major personality problem then.
Howard said that Meghan Allen was also on ''Momma's Boys.'' She said that she got the boot on that show already. She said that it was the mom's who got her kicked off. Meghan said that she showed the mothers some lingerie that she was going to use with the winner and that got her booted off. Meghan also said that she was a Playboy Cyber Girl of the Month at one point. She was also in the magazine when she was on Fear Factor and she was totally nude in that.
Howard asked Meghan about Fear Factor and what she did in that. She said she was on the couples version with her fiancee and he ended up getting another woman pregnant about a month before the wedding was supposed to happen. She broke up with him and moved to Dallas.
Meghan talked about dating a black guy and how her grandparents don't like it. She said that her parents are fine with it but her grandparents don't. Artie asked how big his dick is. She said that she's never measured it actually. Meghan said that the guy she's dating is a big star and she met him at the bar she was working at. She said that they became friends and they didn't really get together for about a year and a half. She said that he was very persistent.
Howard asked Meghan if his wiener is bigger than any of the white guys she had been with. She said that it wasn't but size isn't that important to her. She said that he does have a big cock but it's not the biggest. Howard asked if she ever uses the N-word with him. She said that she does use ''naughty'' but Artie told her that it was ''nigger'' that they were looking for.
Howard said that Britney Stevens is a porn star and she's going to get to plug her porn films and web site. Howard said that she's made over 200 films and she started in July of 2006. Britney talked about some of the movies that she did and named some of the bigger ones. She did one called ''Face Fucking 3'' that Howard had some clips from. Howard played some of those clips for everyone. She was gagging on a guy in the clip he played. Britney said she didn't even remember who that guy was in that scene.
Howard asked Britney about doing anal scenes and if she's ever had any problems back there. Britney said that she's fine back there and hasn't had any issues. She told Howard about some stuff she's shot with multiple guys banging her at the same time. She said that she has had double anal scenes that were pretty tough to take. She said that she went in one day and they told her to try it and it was fine so she did it for the movie.
Britney said that the director told her that she was so open back there that she could probably fit two cocks inside of her. The guy was right. Howard wondered how the guys can get in there at the same time. She said that one guy puts it in and the other guy puts it in. Howard said the guys must be gay to be doing that. She said that they look at it like it's just work.
Howard said that Britney's younger sister is in porn and she's done scenes with her. She ate her out one time when she was drunk. Britney said that they were having an orgy and they got drunk and did it. Howard asked her if she's attracted to her. She said she is but not in that way.
Howard asked Britney what it was in her life that led her into this life. She said it wasn't abuse or anything. Then she said that she thinks that her father may have been abusive and may have beat her with a belt or something. She said that he may have locked her sister in a drawer too. She didn't think that it wasn't that which led her into porn though.
Howard asked Britney about being an escort for a month at one time. She said that she would just date them and she didn't like the job. She said that she wasn't banging the guys though.
Howard asked Britney if she has to drink a lot or do drugs to get through her scenes. She said that she doesn't do that because the scenes aren't that great when she does them drunk.
Howard moved on to the game and said that it was the first time they were doing this. Howard got in some plugs for Howard TV and the new ''Show in the Hallway'' show that they have up this month. He also talked about some of the other shows they have up there like the ''Artie's Wild Year'' and some other shows.
Howard asked Cara the first question which was ''What did Obama do for a living before being elected President.'' She said he was a senator. Howard gave it to her. He gave her some plugs for the ''Momma's Boys'' show and her web site CaraQuici.com He also had some audio of her singing a song that he played.
Howard asked Meghan ''Who are the Israelis currently fighting?'' She didn't know so she had to say that she was as dumb as a rock. She said that it was early and that's why she didn't know the answer.
Howard asked Britney the same question. Britney said she was going to say it was the Germans. She said that she knows that the Israelis are ''like Jews.'' Artie was laughing his ass off at that answer.
Howard asked Cara the same question. She thought it was Pakistan. She knew it started with a P but she had to say that she was as dumb as a rock.
Howard went to the next question and asked Meghan to spell Illinois. She got it right. Howard gave her some plugs for her web site MeghanAllen.net. She's also on ''Momma's Boys'' so he gave her a plug for that.
Howard asked Britney ''What is the symbol for the Roman numeral 10?'' Britney said that she knows what Roman Numerals are but she wasn't sure what the symbol was. Britney said that she doesn't know how to say what the symbol is. Howard tried to work with her and asked her what number comes after 10. She said ''nine.'' Howard said he must have messed her up and asked her that again. She said ''eleven'' this time. Howard tried to help Britney but she had to say that she was as dumb as a rock again.
Howard got back to Cara and asked her the same question about the Roman numeral. Cara thought it was a V but she got it wrong and had to say she was as dumb as a rock. Howard asked Meghan the same and she didn't know it either. She thought it was a ''VI.'' She also had to say she was as dumb as a rock.
Howard said that all three of them got that one wrong. Howard said the answer was an X. Howard asked Britney ''What is a Carnivore?'' She didn't know. Howard said that she has to be able to break this down. Howard asked her now many syllables the word was. She said that it was three. Howard had her break it down and try to figure it out. She guessed that it was a big truck. Howard said that was so far off that he wasn't even going to count it. Britney had to say she was as dumb as a rock once again.
Howard was going to give the answer but Artie asked him to please ask the other girls. Howard told Britney that a carnivore is someone who eats meet. Britney couldn't believe that she had said that it was a big truck. Artie laughed his ass off and told her that she said that on the biggest radio show ever.
Howard said they had to finish up this game. He said that they can't go on all day with this. Artie said they could, he didn't have anything better to do. Howard said that he may give Britney plugs even if she doesn't get anything right. Howard asked Cara who the leader was in Iraq when we attacked. She knew it was Saddam Hussein. Howard gave her some more plugs for her web site, CaraQuici.com, and spelled it out for everyone since she thought it was kind of hard to spell.
Howard asked Meghan ''Who will serve as Obama's Vice President?'' She knew it was Joe Biden. Howard gave her some plugs for her web site, MeghanAllen.net, and for the ''Momma's Boys'' show.
Howard asked a math question and Cara got it right. It was a simple one about how much 8 gallons of gas would cost at $1.25 a gallon. Then Howard had to ask Meghan a tie breaker question which was ''What does HDTV stand for?'' She said it was Hi-Def something but almost missed it when she didn't say ''television.'' Howard gave her more plugs and said he had to go to another tie breaker.
Howard said that they may have to have two winners. Howard asked Cara what city was ravaged by Hurricane Katrina. She said it was New Orleans. Howard gave her more plugs and then asked Meghan who the Republican nominee was for 2008. Meghan said that it was the old guy. She wasn't able to come up with his name. She knew Sarah Palin but not John McCain. She said she was having a brain fart. Howard said that she was out of time. She said that she was as dumb as a rock. Britney even knew that one.
Howard said that he felt bad for Britney and might have to give her some plugs. He gave Cara her $500 prize and some plugs for her web site again. Howard gave Meghan some plugs and then said that he was going to do something for Britney. He said that he might have to give her a couple hundred bucks as a prize. Britney said that she had to earn it like they earned theirs. Artie told her to blow him.
Howard said that they had a lot of things going on today. He said that Bob Schimmel would be in later. He said there were a few things he wanted to talk about. He read about Run DMC and Metallica being inducted into the Rock and Roll hall of fame. Howard said that the hall of fame is a bunch of bullshit anyway but Metallica deserves to be inducted in. He said that they were living in a van traveling around the country and no one put more time and energy into rock than they did.
Artie said that he had some buddies who would go out and see Metallica at little clubs in 1983 and 84 and they were living out of their van at the time. Artie said that the band was really nice and they were really into their fans. Howard said that the band still doesn't seem to be a bunch of assholes like they could be. Artie said that the true fans still love them too.
Ralph asked Howard if he saw American Idol when Ryan Seacrest stuck his hand out to high five the blind guy. Howard said that the guy was right there with him and he didn't think it was a negative. Howard said he saw it and didn't think it was hilarious. Artie said it sounded funny to him.
Howard said that this new judge isn't working out because Simon is the only one whose vote counts. Howard said the new judge was going off on this girl in the bikini for no reason. Howard said that it was jealousy and she was going off on this young girl and she really didn't need to.
Howard and Ralph said that Paula Abdul is more likeable than this new chick Kara. Artie said that they might be pushing her to do that though because Paula is so nice. Howard said that they didn't need to add that fourth judge on the show.
Howard read an article from a paper out in Kansas where they wrote about how raccoon is becoming a regular meal for some people out there. Howard said that Richard Christy's family eats raccoon. Richard came in and said that he's weirded out by it but he will eat it. He said that his father used to sell the carcasses to black people in town for like 5 bucks. Howard said it's probably a poor people thing and not a black thing.
Howard said that he had some of the audio of Dominic on the show. He said that he wants to be famous more than anything in this world. Howard said that Dominic is always talking about offers he's getting for doing TV shows and stuff like that. This Larry King thing is a big rush for him too.
Howard played a clip where Dominic was explaining to Larry what this case was about that he was working on. He's representing a guy who gave his wife a kidney and now the guy wants her to pay him back or give up the kidney. Dominic said that the guy is a broken hearted man from losing his kids to his wife. Howard cut that off and asked Robin if she wanted more. Robin said that was enough.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Dumb as a Rock game was great. He said that he was crying laughing at Artie's comments and laughter during that bit. He told Artie to keep doing whatever it is he's doing. Artie said that all of the girls were hot and they have looks on their faces of major disappointment.
Dominic called in and said that he hasn't heard how thin he looks from him. Fred said that he looks like Jabba the Hutt with black hair. Dominic said that he's thin and handsome but Fred disagreed with him. Howard cut Dominic off and congratulated him on his appearance on Larry King. Dominic said he just wanted to hear about how good he looked on the show. Fred said he looks like an elderly Elvis impersonator with the fake black hair and the giant glasses he was wearing.
Howard asked Dominic if he sun tans at all. Dominic said he was in Florida and has done some tanning booth stuff. JD came in and said that Dominic is shaking a little bit too. Fred said he wasn't going to mention that but he did see it. Dominic said that he gets a sugar low and if he doesn't eat he gets the shakes.
Dominic wouldn't get off the ''I haven't heard from my friends how good I looked...'' thing. He kept bringing that up every time they'd bring up his shaking or his orange skin. Dominic said that he can't believe that Fred is going off on him like this.
Howard asked Dominic if he's walking with a cane. Dominic said that he's not but he was when he was really heavy. Howard had to hang up on him.
Robin asked Eric how his ticket sales are going. Eric said he hadn't spoken to James yet so he doesn't know. Howard said that he hopes he can work out his technical difficulties. Eric said that they hope to have things worked out by Tuesday. Eric said that he didn't have anything to say about last night's episode of American Idol so Howard let him go.
The caller asked if she could come back stage and see Artie at his show down in Florida this weekend. Artie said that he's doing a book signing in Coral Gables tonight so she could come out and see him there too.
Howard said that Brian Phelan has been going around talking about this Nostradamus thing lately. He said that he's running around there scared out of his mind that the world is going to end. Gary said that he's heard that he's cashing out and taking the family around the country before the world ends.
Brian came in and told Howard that the sun is supposed to cross over the Milky Way and it's going to block out the sun from the Earth and things are going to die down. Howard told him that this is all bullshit and he shouldn't be worried about it. This is all supposed to happen in 2012 according to what Brian had heard.
Brian said that the Earth is going to be in the shadow of the Milky Way and he's going to sell all of his stuff and travel around until 2012.
Artie said that Brian has gotten fatter and he used to be kind of envious. Brian said he's just living his life for the next four years.
Howard read about the stuff that Brian is freaked out by and it's very vague. Howard asked where he read this stuff about 2012 and what's going to happen. Brian said he read it on the internet. Howard told Brian to go ahead and sell everything and go out on the road. He let him go so he could move on to Bob Schimmel.
Bob brought in some cupcakes for Artie. He said that he went out and bought them for him and then Gary asked him what he was doing because they have cupcakes named after them from another bakery. Bob said that he can't win.
Bob said that the cupcakes are from a bakery right nearby and they're really good. Bob said that one was devil's food cake. Bob said he got enough for everyone but Howard told him that it was just enough for Artie.
Howard said that Bob is looking too thin. Bob said that his health is fine. He said that he can't walk in there without them saying that something is wrong with him.
Howard said that Artie was eating those cupcakes that Bob brought in for him. Artie said that Howard wasn't going to eat them.
Howard and Bob talked about the guitar that Paul McCartney had given him yesterday. Howard said that he's not sure it's that great of a gift because Paul didn't even buy the guitar. All he did was sign it. Artie said that Howard was being a jerk off. He said that Paul signed it to Howard and he's complaining about it.
Bob said that he was on a show with Brett Michaels and he told him to say hello. He said that Brett wanted to get on the show but McCartney was there. Bob said that Brett was also signing a guitar on the show he was on but it was a Guitar Hero guitar.
Howard said that Sarah Silverman, who loves Bob, attacked his daughter Jess when she was on a while back. Howard had some audio of that to play for Bob. Bob said that she didn't blast him though. Howard said that she didn't. In the clip Sarah was complaining about some stuff that Jess wrote about her and Jimmy Kimmel in a gossip column. Sarah was complaining about that because she used to like Jessica.
Howard asked Bob how he learned about this whole thing. Bob said that his e-mail box exploded after that so he called Jess and asked her about it. She told him that she's not going to tell him what to do and he shouldn't tell her what to do. Bob said he loves Sarah and he didn't want to get into the middle of things. Bob said that he asked her not to get into anything but Jess told him that he doesn't ask her when he goes on Howard and talks about her shit.
Howard said he's not even sure what it was that Jess said. Bob said that he's not even sure what it was because what he read wasn't that bad.
Howard said that a lot of people he knows come out of the tabloids and go on to do bigger things. Bob said that he hadn't seen Sarah since that incident. Howard asked if he thinks that Sarah is going to go off on him. He said that she probably will. Bob said that he's not his daughter's keeper and he can't tell her what to do and he can't bail her out of it.
Bob told Howard that he was home on New Year's Eve with his wife and she fell asleep before the ball dropped. He said he's never been able to get laid on New Year's Eve. He said that he went out to get some stuff at the grocery store and was about to go home. He said that the cops came flying up to him and pulled him over. He said that the cops knew who he was from being on the Stern Show and they let him go right away once they found out who he was.
Howard said that Bob was looking really bad to him but Artie said that he didn't think he looked any worse than he had before. Howard said that he thought he was way too thin. Bob said that's really going to help him get more work when people hear that he looks unhealthy.
Bob told Howard that the last time he was on he had a lot of repercussions from what he said. Bob said that he joked about his wife fucking the Yoga instructor and that led to the guy finding out and they thought it was real. He said that the neighbors stopped inviting him to parties and stuff. He said that the neighbors don't want him talking about them on the show now.
Bob said that his ex-wife is asking him for more money now too. He said that he's giving her so much that he can't afford to get another divorce. He said that if he found his wife fucking another guy in his house, the best he could do is ask them if they were set for drinks and food.
Howard asked Bob how he's doing with the present wife. Bob said that he doesn't think so. He said that no one ever knows for sure. Howard said that Sal caught his wife doing some texting with some guy and sending him ''143'' messages. Bob said that his wife appears to be in love with him and they're getting along great. Howard asked if they're fucking. Bob said that they didn't do it on New Years Eve but they did do it in June.
Bob said that if his ex-wife were a ride at Disneyland, you wouldn't even need a seat belt. He said that he's had some of the best naps in his life while on top of his ex-wife.
Howard asked bob if he wants to give up the stand-up comedy stuff. Bob said that he loves doing it and he's going to keep doing it until he is the last stand-up comic in the world. Howard gave Bob some plugs for his Showtime special ''Life Since Then.'' Bob said that he's also on Conan tonight. Bob said that he had to run his whole set through the standards and practises people there and they didn't want him to drop ''mental patient'' from his act. He said that he got on and Conan told him to have fun so he went out and did some jokes about getting blown. He said that he hadn't run that past the people and they said that he didn't run it by them. they were upset with him so he just told them that at least the guy he infers he had sex with wasn't a ''mental patient.'' Howard said that he's been told not to use ''douche bag'' on the air.
Howard asked Bob about going on Jimmy Kimmel and if that's allowed. Bob said he doesn't think that Sarah has a problem with him, just his daughter. Howard said that she might take it out on him though.
Howard gave Bob some plugs for his new DVD ''Robert Schimmel: Life Since Then'' and his book which just came out in paperback(Robert Schimmel: Life Since Then). Howard then took some calls. One guy said he had to apologize to Bob for something he said to him about 10 years ago. The guy said that he had joked about kids with cancer and didn't realize what he had done until the next day when he sobered up. Bob had a son who died of cancer.
Bob said that he gets texts from Penthouse Pet of the Year Tea Parker. He said that he did some award show and she texted him yesterday wishing him luck.
Howard asked Bob what kind of money he has to pay to his ex-wife. Bob said that it's about 10 grand a month. Howard said that's nuts. Artie said that it's $120,000 a year that he's paying to his ex-wife. Bob said that his 18 year old is living with him now and his ex only has the 9 year old. He said that she's living with a guy and she's asking for more money for the 9 year old.
Bob said that he was out in Vegas doing a show and his ex showed up to the same hotel. He hadn't met the guy she was dating yet so he asked to meet him. Bob said that he heard the guy was really nice. He spoke to the guy and the guy put his arm around him and took him 3 steps away and told him to give his ex-wife more money because ''we'' can't live on what he's giving them. Bob said that wasn't enough though. Bob said that the amount she's asking for now is the amount that the guy asked for out there that one time.
Howard asked Bob if he can tell the judge that he doesn't think that they deserve that money. Bob said that when they were trying to figure out the money he was supposed to give them, they picked a year when he was making the most money. That was in 1999 and 2000. He had a record deal, a couple of shows that were on TV and other stuff. He was making good money back then and his ex was making zero at the time. bob said that he told the judge that it showed that she wasn't contributing and that got him thrown in jail for a contempt charge.
Howard said that they should have put a picture of her up from 1995 and then a current picture to show what kind of changes she was going through. Howard said that it's a hard situation there and he's not sure what he can do.
Howard asked Bob if he's had a good year like that since 2000. Bob said he hasn't had 3 years that add up to what that one year was back then. Bob said that Artie talking about the cupcakes costing him 200 bucks wasn't going to help him out with his case saying that he doesn't have the money to send to his ex.
Bob said that he did a show with Artie one time and he thought he was going to need a liver transplant just based on what Artie was drinking in the green room. Bob also said that Artie used the N-word in his act more times than he's ever heard in his life.
Artie said that the guy who was promoting that gig picked them up in a Bentley and said ''Comedy'' on the license plate. The guy let them stay at his house and he lives in a mansion. Artie said that he and Bob said that they're on the wrong side of the business.
Howard gave Bob some more plugs and started to wrap up with him. Artie said that Bob wears a nice suit when he does his act. Howard said that he likes a comedian who does that. Bob talked about how funny Artie was that night he worked with him. He said that they were lining up the shots of booze for Artie on the stage. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back after that and said that was one of his favorite Billy Joel songs. He didn't want to interrupt the song. Howard said he saw him in concert one time and Billy asked him what song he wanted him to play and that's the song he suggested. Howard said Billy actually did it for him that night. Robin said that when you write songs like that you get to fuck Christie Brinkley. Howard said if he could just write a song he could do stuff like that. Howard said he'd have to write about Spider-Man or something though. That led to Howard and Robin singing the ''Downeaster'' song with lyrics about Spider-Man.
Howard said that he's currently reading a Marvel book about the origins of Spider-Man. Robin said that they used to put books like that in comic book stores but now they have it in Barnes and Noble. Howard said that Stan Lee is saying that he's going to have a gay super hero. Howard said he might have lost his way.
Mike Walker was on the line so Howard got him on and started the game. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Steve said that they also have a story about why the US Department of Justice is staling on an investigation into the death of Kenneth Keith Kallenbach. Steve said that it may have something to do with some of the people who have been working for the DOJ. Howard told Steve to watch his back on that, he's getting into dangerous territory.
Steve said that Dan the Song Parody Man is claiming that he has no access to the motorcycle that he was going to sell because he can't pay the garage that it's stored in. Artie said that he hadn't heard from Dan in about four months until yesterday. Steve said that Dan claimed that he had called Artie about a dozen times and didn't get a response.
Howard went through the story about Dan and confirmed what was going on. Artie said that he doesn't want Dan to worry about that and he's not going to get back to him right away. Howard asked if he'll loan Dan the money again if he asks. Artie said that it can affect friendships and he likes Dan and he just wants him to tell him that he's fucked and can't pay him back. The whole ''windfall of money'' thing just doesn't work.
Howard said that Dan is there every Tuesday so he could talk to him there. Artie said that's the reason he doesn't go to the meetings. It's that and the fact that he has no more ideas.
Jon Hein came in next and ran down his Wrap Up Show preview. They ended up talking about the girls in the ''Dumb as a Rock'' game for a couple of minutes. They also talked about Robin's colonics that she'll be getting this weekend.
Mutt called in with his Superfan Roundtable preview. Mutt said that they're going to talk about Lisa G's cookies, the Paul McCartney and Jeff the Drunk interviews, Artie's drug testing and more. That's on tonight on Howard 101 at 7pm.
Robin started off with a story about Victoria Beckham. She's in the paper today and she was looking very hot just like Howard said yesterday. Howard said that Artie was giving him a hard time yesterday about that. Artie said that she did look good today but that's not his type.
Robin read some obituaries about some celebrities who had died. She had a story about Patrick McGoohan dying. Howard said that the show he was on called ''The Prisoner'' was kind of like Lost but a little different. Howard thought that Lost was on last night and he'd forgotten to record it. Gary told him that it's not on until the 21st, last night was a repeat.
Gary had a clip of Artie talking about going out and jogging with the Rolling Stone reporter. Artie said that he was just joking about that. He was trying to be funny and no one got it. Artie said that he can't believe that they'd think that he'd go jogging with the reporter.
Robin got back to the story about Patrick McGoohan but Howard said he doesn't think that anyone cares about that guy. Howard played the clips but cut them off early because he didn't seem to care either.
Jon Hein came in and said that they're remaking ''The Prisoner'' and they have Sir Ian McKellan playing number 2 in the show. Robin said that the show was really creepy. She had some clips from that as well.
Robin read some news about Ricardo Montalban's death after that. She had some audio clips of some stuff he was known for like the old Chrysler commercials where he talked about the ''rich Corinthian leather.'' She had some clips from Fantasy Island as well.
Artie told a story about this comedian Jerry Red Wilson who did the ''New'' Fantasy Island out in Hawaii years ago and he contracted Spinal Meningitis and didn't realize it until he was on the plane flying home. He ended up dying on the way to the hospital after they landed. Artie said that the guy had proposed to his fiancee on the Tonight Show and a month later he was dead.
Robin played some audio of Ricardo in the Star Trek: Wrath of Khan. That led to the guys talking about how ripped Ricardo was in that movie and Howard was wondering if he was using 'roids or something to get that ripped. that was back in 1988 so Ricardo was already in his 60s.
Ralph had called in to talk about Khan being ripped and said that he thought it was a prosthetic back then. He said that he doesn't think it was but he wasn't sure. He also asked Howard to replay the George Takei call that he had played earlier where Kidd Chris prank called him as Ricardo Montalban.
Artie said that impression was the worst and the acting was horrible but it's one of the best phony phone calls ever. They talked about their favorite parts of the call and did their impressions of George for a few minutes. Ralph called back in to get in on that discussion as well.
Howard and Artie were talking about George Takei touching that guy's huge cock in there the last time he was on. They had to take a break after that.
After the break, around 10:20am, Howard came right back and had Robin get back to her news. Robin read a story about American Idol's ratings and how big they were on the first night. She said that 30 million people tuned in. She had some audio of some of the performers on last night's show. Howard said he still finds it entertaining. They played some clips and Howard thought that one of the guys sucked but he ended up making the cut. They had some other ones of people who were just awful.
Robin said that they announced the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductees. She said that Run DMC is one band. She also had some audio of the announcements. They had clips of Jeff Beck that they played and also some Metallica stuff.
Robin had a story about Caroline Kennedy. Howard said that they've dropped the Shloshberg name since she started running for senator. Robin thought that she was divorcing that guy but Howard wasn't sure that was the case. That led to Howard going into his Ted Kennedy impression for a couple of minutes. He was goofing around with that and Robin just let him roll with the impression.
Robin read a story about President Bush giving his final speech. She said she thought it was today. Howard was still in his Kennedy impression and goofing around with that. Robin had some Barack Obama clips to play as well.
Robin read some news about Osama bin Laden. She said that Osama is against the war over in Israel and he's warning Barack Obama that it will bleed the United States financially and in lives. He also said that it would be foolish of Barack to continue on the path that Bush has led us down.
Robin talked about Steve Jobs having to step down from his position at Apple. She said that he sent out a memo to the staff yesterday. Robin had an analyst saying that this having a major impact on Apple. Howard said that Jobs is the guy and they could lose the whole inspiration for the company.
Howard said he wants a robot woman who will have sex with him anytime he wants. He said that it would even clean the cum out of itself. He thinks that Apple could produce something like that. Robin had Howard play some audio of the analyst talking about the products they've brought out and how wonderful they've been. Howard said it would be great if Steve came out with one last product and it was the iPussy.
Robin read some news about this guy who tried to fake his death by crashing his plane after jumping out with a parachute. The guy was caught. Howard and the guys were still talking about the iPussy thing and wondering what people who were listening were thinking about that. Howard said that the fans are probably saying that he's brilliant for coming up with the iPussy.
Howard was talking about Beth being on the Mike and Juliette show next week. She's going to be sitting in for Juliette for two days.
Robin said that the Osbournes are coming back to TV with a variety show. They're going to do candid camera style shows with Ozzy doing stuff like flipping burgers at a fast food restaurant and stuff. Howard said that he thought the family was interesting without that kind of stuff and doing a variety show is a bad idea.
Howard noticed that Artie had taken a Subutex. Artie said that he did take one but he took it because he has to get on a plane. He said he really hates flying and he took the Subutex to get the edge off. Artie was trying to explain what the whole lawyer thing was about but Robin was wondering why they were back on that again. Fred played the ''Shhhhhh'' clip that he got of Robin earlier in the morning. Artie claims that he's not on heroin, he just took a Subutex. Robin said that it looked like Artie was wearing white lipstick.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about Bernie Madoff. She quickly went through that and another story about Mickey Rourke being on SIRIUS playing his favorite Bruce Springsteen records. Artie said he wanted to do that but he didn't actually want to have to do it.
Robin also had a story about the virgin who is auctioning off her virginity. The bids are up to 5 million at this point. She hasn't jumped on that offer though. Howard said that anyone who got an offer like that would jump on it. Howard asked Robin if she would fuck a guy who offered her 5 million bucks. Robin said of course she would but no one is going to offer her that kind of money. Robin said that the virgin claims that she's gotten 10,000 responses but she won't give up the virginity.
Robin finished up and Howard was about to end the show but they got caught up in Artie's Subutex thing for a minute. They eventually ended the show around 11:00am.
Jon said that they have a packed house today. Gary said that they had Mark Bavaro from the NY Giants sitting in today. Artie asked him if he went to school with Nick DiPaolo. Mark said that they went to high school together. He said that Nick was a football captain in high school. He said that Nick played in college too. Mark said that Nick was a year older than him though.
Artie and Mark talked about Nick for a short time. Artie told Mark it was nice to meet him since he's such a big fan of the Giants. They shared some football stories together. They went over some games that Artie had lost bets on.
Benjy asked Mark if he watches ''Bromance.'' Artie told Mark to hit Benjy because that kind of question deserves a hit. Gary said that he knows that Mark was up there to promote something but Artie cut him off and said he wanted to finish his bet discussion. Artie gave a bunch of details about games he won and lost on and had details that no one else would remember.
Artie and Mark had their own discussion going there. No need for Jon or Gary to be in there. Jon eventually got to speak and asked Mark some questions about playing for the Eagles.
Gary said that Mark was there to promote a web site where they auction off some used game stuff. Mark said that the NFL runs the site and they get all kinds of items to auction off. The money goes to a retired player care fund according to another guy that was in the studio.
Artie said that he was excited that Mark was there so he asked him some more questions about some of the stuff he's done over the years. Gary eventually brought it around to the auction again and got in a plug for NFLAuction.NFL.com.
Artie kept asking questions like it was his own show. Benjy would interrupt and try to ask questions about American Idol and stuff so Artie would just brush him off calling him a ''faggot'' and told Mark not to listen o him. Jon told Mark not to listen to him either.
Jon said that while Mark was there he wanted to take a call. Jerry O'Connell was on the phone. Jerry said that Mark was right up there with Paul McCartney as far as he was concerned. Jerry said that he went to the Super Bowl last year and he was seeing a lot of Bavaro shirts in the stadium. He said that Mark is a great man and they broke the mold when they made him. Mark said that his wife has told him that as well.
Gary said that they had Roy Simmons on the show and told him about the gay stuff he was talking about. Mark knew nothing about it. Gary eventually wrapped up with Mark and thanked him for coming in. They gave out the web site once again and then let the guys go and went to break.
Jon moved on to talk about the ''Dumb as a Rock'' game they played today. Gary said that he thinks that Sal may have come up with that. will said that he may have come up with it when he said that one of the girls was as dumb as a rock.
Will said that he had 3 casting agents suggest Britney Stevens to him for this game. Gary said that they may have to have her sister on too because Britney talked about going down on her. Benjy thought it was hot as hell when he heard about it. Gary didn't think it was that hot.
Will said that he booked the other girls as soon as he did a pre-interview with them. He said that Meghan knows that she's not that bright and she didn't want to do the game but she was a good sport about it. Will said that he thinks that Cara didn't get the game right away but Meghan kind of got it right away.
Gary said that he got a call from a girl when they were doing the Butterface contest and she said that she was told it was for girls with really hot bodies. He had to explain to her what a ''butterface'' was and then she said she'd have to get back to him.
Jon played a clip from the game where they were being asked about the symbol for the Roman numeral 10. After the clip Jon asked if the guys know of anyone there that would be able to play that game. Sal's name was thrown out there and they were thinking that he was a little smarter than those girls. Jon wondered if Sal would know the Roman numeral for the number 50. The guys in the studio didn't even know what that was.
Will said that they always tell the girls not to take the game too seriously and just have fun. Gary said that Artie was laughing his ass off at the girls and the one girl asked him what he was laughing at. Artie said that it was because she was ''insanely wrong.''
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Artie only lasted 20 days being sober. He said that anyone who is taking Subutex has to ween off of that as well as weaning off of the other stuff. He said that if you're off the stuff for a while, you get a high from it. He said that Artie had to have gotten high from it. Gary said that he didn't know why he was taking it. The caller said that Artie shouldn't have taken that, he should have taken a valium or something. Will said that Artie shouldn't be taking anything. The caller agreed but he said that Artie got a buzz from that Subutex and he will continue taking it and he'll fall right back into that whole thing.
Jon said that they've been beaten up on this whole Artie thing all week and they're just going to move on. Gary said if Artie was listening then he just had to say ''whatever'' but that wasn't in a negative way. He said that he can do whatever he wants.
Sal was saying that he and Benjy wanted to talk about the Artie thing. He said he was just kidding but Gary wanted to ask him some IQ questions. Will asked him a question about the Civil War and about who wrote the Star Spangled Banner. Sal said that wasn't important. They asked Sal how many states there are and he got that right. He thought there were 52 at one point but now he knows there are only 50.
Jon had a caller on the line who said that the game they played today was kind of monotonous. He said he didn't really like it. Gary said that they have to think about who they're playing with.
The caller was asking for another bottle of Mambo because his cat knocked his bottle off his cabinet. Gary said that he'd find out if he had any more to give out.
Another caller said that the game was kind of dumb because the girls who were playing don't care about saying that they're as dumb as a rock. He pointed out that the one girl had taken double anal and she doesn't care if she's as dumb as a rock. Benjy said that she wouldn't have cared about getting spanked or anything like that either.
Sal said that they were going to actually play against a rock. They were going to have them give 0 points to the rock and the girls were going to get negative points so they would see that they're dumber than a rock.
Benjy wanted to know when the purchase was made because he doesn't believe that she ordered it before his birthday. Gary said he didn't get why Robin made the big presentation on the air like she did.
Sal said that it was a selfish move on Robin's part because she made it all about her. He said that she has to let the world know how much she's spending on people. He said it's very distasteful for someone who is trying to be classy. He said he was sorry he had to say that about her though.
The guys talked about some of the gifts that Howard has gotten from people but has flipped on over time. They talked about the nose hair trimmer kit that Gary got for him. Howard hated it at first but over the years he grew to love it.
The guys were also talking about Artie being shushed by Robin. Sal said that he actually did the shushing clip that Fred was playing all morning. Gary said it was great because Artie didn't know who was shushing him.
Jon asked the guys what they think the guitar is worth that Paul gave to Howard. The guys talked about that yesterday. Gary said that he couldn't guess what it was worth. Gary said they saw a similar one on eBay and it was listed at $14,500. Gary said that they know it cost about $3,500 and Paul signed it personally to Howard. He said it has an increased value but it's not a left handed guitar like Paul's real one is.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that Puerto Rico is not a state. She said that it's a commonwealth and not a state. Gary said that it was a state and argued with her on that. Sal said that he's pretty sure that it's a state because you don't need a passport to get there. They argued over that for a few minutes with the caller.
Will asked Sal about how many states there are if Puerto Rico is a state. Sal said there are 50. He said that people screw up and think that there are 52 because there are 52 cards in a deck.
Benjy said that there are a ton of things in there about 2012 and how there is going to be something that happens then. Jon said there's also a plot line in Battlestar Gallactica about that.
Brent from Bubba's show called in and said that Puerto Rico is not a state. Gary and Will said that they were goofing on Sal and they were just goofing on him. Sal said he know that and he was just going along with it so the audience would call in and say that they were wrong.
That led to the guys asking Sal more questions like when World War I was fought. Brent pointed out that Sal thought that was the first war this country was ever involved with. Sal said that he knows better now. Sal said he thinks it was back in the 1920s that the war was fought. Jon had to let Brent go a short time later since the show was ending.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:50am.