|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started off the show talking about seeing Chris Booker over the weekend. He said that Chris is out of work down in Philly and he's been listening to the show every day. Howard said Chris has been critiquing the show saying that his microphone is too low and the others are too loud.
Chris also had some points about the Wrap Up Show and the purpose is supposed to be about wrapping up the show but they end up talking to Benjy for 25 minutes. He said that Chris doesn't want to hear about Benjy and it's Jon's job to cut him off.
Howard said Chris didn't think it was right to have the Wrap UP Show played on the weekends either. Howard said that Chris had him thinking after the analysis. Robin said she didn't know that they played the Wrap Up Show on the weekends.
Benjy showed up late so Howard asked him why he wasn't there on time. Benjy said that he was out trying to get onto a news report out on the street so he wasn't really late.
Howard said that he didn't want to get into discussions about Benjy. Gary came in and said that it's really hard not to. Howard went on to say that they order breakfast there and Benjy sees this as a perk of the job so he constantly changes his order and he can't give the order until the last second, right before they go on the air. Howard said he does it really fast and stutters as he's doing it.
Gary said that Benjy is constantly sending the interns out for energy shots and other weird stuff. Howard told Benjy that he can't be doing that to the interns there. Benjy said that he doesn't do it all the time though. He said it was just this one time a few weeks ago.
Jason came in and said that he's had this conversation with Benjy a couple of times. He said that he told Benjy he needs to know what he needs before the show. Benjy said that they're just talking about this to make stuff for the air and it's really not true.
Jason said that Benjy will ask for 3 coffees and then he'll come out in a commercial break and tell them that he needs something else. He'll ask for zinc tablets or something like that. Benjy said that's just a one time thing and he doesn't get that every day. Jason said that it's almost a daily thing and he's had to take Benjy aside and ask him to come up with a better system.
Benjy said that he was asked for a set order but he doesn't have a set order. Benjy said that he's asked for stuff from the deli a couple of times but it's not every day. Howard told Benjy he's mentally ill. Benjy said that it's B.S. and he's going to start making stuff up about other people now. Howard said that's fine.
Benjy said that he always asks the interns politely for what he needs. Howard cut him off and told Jason that it's his rules and if Benjy doesn't follow them, he's fired. Benjy asked Jason if he sends interns out to get stuff for him. Jason said that he does so Benjy started to go off on him. Howard cut him off and turned off his mic.
Benjy kept going but Howard told Benjy that he is entitled to one thing in the morning. If he wants coffee he has to order it the first time. Benjy said that the coffee comes from the kitchen and not from a deli. Howard said he didn't care. Jason said that Benjy will wait until the last second to put in an order during the break. Benjy was saying that Jason is always looking for angles on this stuff to get it on the air.
Howard said that he has two orders that he puts in every morning. They're the same thing every morning. Howard told Benjy that if he has a sore throat, he will excuse him and let him go out and get stuff for work. Benjy said that it's just something that happens ''extremely occasionally.'' Howard said that this is what he wants and if he changes it, he's fired.
Howard said that there is a lunch and a breakfast order every day, that's it. Howard said that this is just for Benjy because he's not happy about the way he's conducting himself. Howard said that Benjy needs special rules because he's the one causing the problem. Benjy said there is no problem though.
Benjy asked why they don't have these rules with other people. Howard said that he doesn't care about other people there, it's all about Benjy this morning.
Howard said he got another note saying that Howard TV orders breakfast for Benjy too. Benjy claims it wasn't breakfast but he didn't say what it was. Howard asked Jason if he has to do this stuff with Benjy every day. Jason said that it is very often. Howard said that this should make it easy for Benjy now that he's got rules.
Howard said he doesn't want a catering service there and that's what it was sounding like after Jason told him what he was getting for Benjy every morning. Benjy was yelling at Howard and Jason about all of that and told them not to treat him like that. Howard said they are going to treat him like that and he doesn't want his interns running errands for him. Benjy said that they're not ''his interns'' but Howard told him that they are.
Howard told Jason that if Benjy can't place his order the night before then he's not going to get him anything. He said he's allowed to have one standing order, other than breakfast, that doesn't change from month to month.
Howard said that this is a luxury of the show that Benjy is abusing. He said that if the interns weren't there Benjy would have to go out and get his own stuff. Benjy's mic was off but he was yelling at the top of his lungs that this was bullshit.
Benjy said that Jason has a problem with him and was going on and on about him with his microphone off. Howard kept goofing on him with that trying to keep him quiet.
A caller told Howard that Benjy is really annoying on the Wrap Up Show and this was too much of his shtick coma for a Monday morning. Howard told him he's done with Benjy now but he had to get that out of the way.
Howard said that Benjy can still have Howard TV buy him his breakfast if he wants. Howard said that he gets two orders a morning and that's it. He said they do a 4 hour show and he should be able to make it through the show without food for 4 hours.
Benjy continued to yell at Howard off mic. Howard told him that this is going to help him because he's so fat. He said that he should be able to lose some weight if he doesn't eat so often.
Howard told Benjy to please stop so he could move on with the show. He told him that he really needs outpatient therapy. Artie said they can car pool to therapy if he wants. Howard told Benjy his coffee will be waiting for him when he gets there or for his second order.
Howard asked Benjy to do this in the manner that he's asking him to. Benjy said that they should have those rules for everyone there then. Howard said that Benjy is the problem so that's why he's dealing with him. Benjy said that they're lying about the way things go there. Howard said he had to get out of this but he can't. Benjy was still going off on him so Howard kind of turned his mic back on.
Howard told Benjy that he's going to have a breakfast order and what he has to do is let Jason know the night before what he wants. He told Benjy to think about the way he wants to structure his day and let Jason know what he needs the night before the show. He said that he can structure his day this way.
Howard said that if Benjy wants a coffee at 8:30 in the morning, he has to let them know the day before. He doesn't want him doing any spontaneous ordering. Benjy said that he sometimes runs out of supplies for the show. Howard said he can ask Gary for that if he needs it. Howard said that he is to go to Gary or Jason from now on, not the interns. Howard said that Benjy can ask for paper and pens if he needs them but they have water in the studio if he needs that. Howard told him he doesn't know what to tell him and he's making people fucking crazy.
Howard said that Benjy needs to stop being a problem to him. Benjy said that they're lying about him and that's why he's a problem. Howard told him to just structure his day better and he'll be able to lose weight.
Howard told Benjy to stop because he had to move on. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said there are so many things to talk about and this is the worst way to start it off.
Howard got back to Booker and said that he told Booker to come in and sit in on the Wrap Up Show and tell Jon when to move along. He said that maybe that will help. Howard said that he was listening to Howard 100 over the weekend and caught the hour of Wrap Up Show for 20 minutes or so and it was all Benjy talking about something he didn't like. He said that Booker may have been on to something.
Howard said that he wasn't sure if they should play the Wrap Up Show on the weekends or not. Gary said that Benjy is a regular on the show and they don't spend more than 5 or 10 minutes talking to him. Gary said that he didn't know he had to listen to Chris Booker telling him how to do the show. He said he likes how one person can call him and make him crazy like that.
Howard said that he likes the Wrap Up Show but he's not sure they need to play it on the weekends. Gary said that he loves that they can give people more time on the air than Howard would do.
Howard said that he just took a water that he had next to him to take a drink and he has four of them there at all times so he doesn't have to send anyone out to get it for him. He said that's what Benjy should be able to do.
Artie asked Howard what they can ask the interns to get for them. Robin said he can't ask them to get cocaine for them. Artie jokingly said that he only did that once. Howard said he didn't want to get into this again and he's tired of making rules for them there.
Howard played the clip where Norm was saying that the Stern Show enables Artie. Adam asked Norm about Artie and Norm was saying that he's kind of friends with Artie. He didn't seem to be very clear on that. Norm was saying that his whole lifestyle is enabling him and that all comes from being on the Stern Show.
Norm said that he was telling Artie that he should be a ''rehab guy'' instead of that drug guy. Norm was also saying that Artie doesn't have to be Beetlejuice or a wack packer like that. Norm said that they're enabling him on the show. Adam said that he knows that Howard is going to bring this up when he's at his wedding.
Howard said that a lot of people on SternFanNetwork were talking about this and they were pointing out that Artie is a grown man and he's responsible for himself. Howard said that he doesn't think that Artie needs to do any of that stuff to be good on the show. He said that he likes norm but he thinks that he's misguided. He said that Norm employed Artie on his TV show and Artie was playing a crazy guy on that show. He said that Artie tried to get coke the night he met with Norm and Bob Saget and Norm didn't try to do anything. Howard said that he would never go off on Norm about that and he's not sure what he's supposed to do about it if Norm didn't do anything.
Artie said that Norm cares about him like a family member does, just like Howard does, and he thinks that Norm may have been out of line a little bit.
Artie said that he loves Norm and he's like an older brother to him. Howard said he loves him too and he's like an older brother to him as well. Howard said that Norm is also there gambling with Artie and he's the biggest enabler on the planet. Artie said that he's about as much of an enabler as Howard is.
Artie said that Chris Farley's last movie was ''Dirty Work'' and Norm tried to help him out when they were doing the movie but he's not trying to compare that to this. He said that he's not comparing Howard to that but Chris and Norm were close and that really hurt Norm so that might be why he's saying this stuff. He said that he and Norm bonded over their fondness for Howard's show too. He said he's not going to go out and do coke because he thinks Howard wants him to.
Howard said he heard that Artie did good over the weekend and he didn't drink. Artie said that's true and he did just fine. He said that Norm is a great friend of his and he hopes that he knows that. Howard said he knows that and he's not mad at Norm.
Howard said that the Hank thing wasn't their fault either. He said that Hank was a drunk before they met him. He said that Doug Goodstein was trying to get him into rehab but Hank wanted nothing to do with that. He said it was kind of unfair of Norm to blame them for that stuff. He said he'll tell him that when he comes on the show soon.
Howard said that they'll talk to Norm in a couple of weeks when he comes in. He said it should be interesting to hear what he has to say. Howard said that some people were asking him ''Who is Norm MacDonald?'' when he brought up his name. Artie said he didn't want there to be any animosity between them. Howard said that there really isn't. He said he loves Norm.
Howard said that he was about half way through the movie and he had to go back into the city so he brought the movie with him. He said that he put it into his DVD player and it wouldn't play on his home player. He didn't know that it was a Blu-ray disc so now he has to get a new player for his apartment. He said that he's not sure where they come up with this Blu-ray thing. Howard said he's never had a DVD that he can't play in his DVD player. Robin said that this has been going on for a few years now. Howard said he just upgraded his equipment recently and he doesn't have a Blu-ray player.
Robin said that she saw Woody Allen's ''Vicky Christina Barcelona'' and loved it. She said that this might be his best movie ever. She said that Penelope Cruz was amazing in the movie too.
Howard said he got up this morning and sat down on the bowl to pee. He said that the pee hardly came out and it was kind of dribbling. He said that he was afraid that it was a prostate problem. He said he stood up and it just trickled out. He said he hopes that it was just a freak thing and he'll be okay. He said that it came out but it took forever.
Artie said that two of his movies were put on Blu-Ray and he gets a new residual check for those. He said that he gets a whole new program based on that stuff. Artie said that ''Beer League'' was put out on Blu-Ray but he won't be getting any money from that because the company had claimed bankruptcy.
Howard said that he had some people over on Saturday and they had to watch it on his computer because he didn't have a way of hooking it up to his TV.
Artie said that he'll have the money for Howard tomorrow. He said that he was doing some gambling this weekend and didn't have the money this morning.
Howard asked Artie why he bet on Bob. Artie said that Bob is a really great guy and he has seen Bob fight before. He said he knew that Danny was a tough guy and he didn't want to take away Bob's confidence by taking back the bet. He said that Danny was in great shape last week and he didn't expect that.
Artie said that he loves Bob and he can afford to lose that grand he bet Howard. Artie said that he got lost going to the fight and didn't get to see it live. Howard asked Doug if they're going to have the fight on Howard TV. Doug said that they will have some clips in the daily show for today.
Artie said that he saw the knock out punch very well on his phone. Howard said that it was kind of unclear on the computer because it wasn't easy to see it that well. Richie Wilson came in and said that they do have the footage from the fight if the wants to see it now. Howard said he'll call for it in a minute.
Artie said that he called Sal and let him know that he was going to be late. He called Sal back a few minutes later and the fight was already done. He said that he saw the fight on a cell phone and he saw the knock down.
The Howard TV guys played the video of Bob and Danny fighting and it looked like Bob was really holding on to Danny quite a bit. Howard said that the referee knocked Danny down at one point. Howard said that the Ref needed to look at Bob so the ref just threw Danny down on the ground to get him away from Bob.
Artie said that the most distressing thing about this is that Bob ended up with a big shiner. He said that he asked Bob if he was alright and Bob said he was fine. Artie said that Bob was telling him that he wants to keep fighting. He said that there's a whole circuit of people he wants to fight and he may fight Todd Bridges next. Artie said that he doesn't know what Bob is doing. Bob was telling him that he was staying off the blow and booze by training though.
Artie said that he told Bob that if he has to box to stay off of that stuff then he's really not getting to the root of the problem.
Howard said that Bob looks terrible and he looks like a cancer patient being so skinny and all slouched over and stuff. Artie said that Bob is a great comedian but he does party too much and he's damaged mentally like he is. Artie said that he's been at shitty club after shitty club for the past 20 years and it's taken a toll on him. He said that it's his way that Bob can stay out of the clubs but it's too late in his life to be starting this career.
Artie said that as a stand up he looks at guys like that and he thinks that he really lucked out to get other work. He said it's a really tough life as a stand-up and it's really taken a toll on Bob. Artie said he's not sure what Bob can make doing that boxing stuff. He said that he could make more playing a club over a weekend.
Richie said that High Pitch Eric wants to fight Bam Margera's dad and the guy who promoted Bob's fight is doing that one as well. Howard said he'd watch that fight. He said that Eric would probably die because he's in no condition to do that.
Artie said that he heard that Irish John was going to fight John Wayne Bobbit. He wasn't sure if that was a joke or not. Richie said that Danny was screaming at some of the guys in the audience like High Pitch, Double A and Irish John. Shuli came in and said that Eric was giving Danny the finger after the fight and Danny called him out from the ring. Shuli said that Levy's wife came out and yelled at him and Danny called her a skank at one point because he didn't know who she was.
Howard read some e-mail about Bob and Danny's fight and people were saying that they wanted Bob to beat the shit out of Danny. There were some people who were saying that Bob was out of his mind to go into the ring with that guy.
The guys spent some more time talking about the fight and Howard said that he's glad that Bob is alive after that fight.
Howard played a clip from last week's Wrap Up Show where a caller said that he didn't like Chris Russo. Russo and the caller went back and forth about whether or not Chris played sports when he was growing up.
Howard said that was very entertaining and that's the kind of stuff Russo will be able to do there with his new show. Howard said that some guy called up Russo and said that he likes Ferrall better and he's loyal to Ferrall. He said that's very weird and it's crazy that people think that way.
Howard said he thought it was weird that the Patriots beat the Jets without Tom Brady. Artie said that it's not just the quarterback that makes a great team.
Gary said that the guy starting for the Patriots had never even started a game in college. Howard said that's pretty amazing and wondered how that happens. Artie said that Bill Belachick must have seen something in him. They spent a couple of minutes on that and then went to break.
Artie showed Howard a picture of a former cheerleader who wanted to be his assistant. Howard told Artie he should hire someone who has experience as an assistant and not just someone who looks hot. Artie said that he interviewed another hot chick and that interview went very well. He said that she's a fitness model. Howard asked him if he got to hug her. Artie asked if that would be inappropriate.
Howard asked the guys if they knew what was going on with this Lehman Brothers thing. He said that before Bush was elected he predicted that he was going to bankrupt this country. He asked if that's what's happening here. Robin said she hopes not but there are a lot of huge companies going under right now.
Howard asked Robin and Fred about Lehman Brothers and what they do. He kind of had it right and asked if the people who invested with them are going under because they're going out of business. They weren't quite sure if that was the case.
Gary came in and said that he has a friend who has a decent amount of money at Washington Mutual and he's been taking money out of his account because he's afraid they're going under. If everyone does that then it can turn into a big problem. Gary and Robin talked about what was going on with the big banks and the real estate market.
Howard said that no one there even fully understands what's going on with this stuff. Artie said that he thinks that these big companies are insured for big amounts of money but not all of it so there are people losing money. He said he has friends who are broke and it's really sad.
Howard said it sounds like this country is going to hell in a hand basket and we'll begin to see people from outside of this country owning pieces of the country like we've never seen before. Artie said that the economy during war time is supposed to be going really good. World War II actually brought this country out of the depression.
Artie said that he finally saw Iron Man over the weekend and he thought that Tony Stark was a war profiteer but that's what was going on in World War II. He said that they're supposed to be doing really well during a war but that's not happening and it's not looking good.
Dominic Barbara called in to explain what was going on with the Lehman Brothers thing. He said that it all depends on how you are invested in these companies. He explained a case he had but Howard cut him off in the middle of it and told him he knew that he didn't know anything about it.
Howard and the guys talked about that stuff and Fannie May being bailed out by the government. Howard said that he predicted that Bush was going to bankrupt this country and it looks like he was right. Howard said that Bush bankrupted every company he ever ran and that's why he predicted he was going to do the same to the whole country.
Robin asked why the girls didn't want to be in disguise. Artie thanked her for that and pointed out to the girls that she was his ''friend'' Robin.
Howard said that this was fun to turn this into a game to play. He said that he girl who slept with Artie was running late this morning and Artie was freaking out thinking that she wasn't okay with the whole thing. Artie said he just wanted to make sure that she was okay with what was going on. He told her that if she wasn't okay with it then she shouldn't come in.
All of the girls were claiming that they were Denise and that they had slept with Artie. They were all claiming the same things. Denise number 3 paused when Howard asked her what it was like to sleep with Artie. She said that it was couple of years ago when they did it. She claimed that he was super heavy at the time and she was okay with that.
Howard said that he thought he knew who it was already. He said that Denise number 1 was a girl who was staring at him like she had fucked him. He said he can pick up on people like that just from looking at them. Howard said that she has a tattoo on her and she had an accent. She said that she met Artie at a party and ended up hitting it off and they've stayed in touch ever since then.
Howard asked Denise number 1 about the night that they met and she said that it was back in 2001 that they met. She said that he was in better shape back then. Howard asked number 1 if Artie ever used the N-word around her. Artie laughed when he heard that.
Howard asked number 2 if she was in love with Artie. She said that she wasn't in love with him and it was a low point in her life when she met him. She said that he was a good part of the low point in her life. Howard told the girls they were all very attractive women.
Howard asked number 2 how Artie came into her life. She said that she was in Cancun and she met him down there when she went there on vacation to get over some problems she was having with her husband. She was separated from her husband at the time. She claimed that Artie wasn't even on the show at the time yet so she didn't know him from that. Number 2 said that she didn't have an orgasm the first time but she did the second time. Howard asked if he went down on her. She didn't want to talk about that.
Howard asked number 1 if Artie gave her an orgasm. She said that it was very good and his penis worked very well. Robin asked the girls what Artie's favorite drink is. Number 2 said that it was tequila. Number 3 said it was gin and tonic and number 1 said she didn't remember because she was drunk.
Howard asked the girls if they saw Artie naked and things like that. One of the girls said that she didn't see him completely naked because the lights were pretty much off. Robin asked all of the girls if Artie kept on any article of clothing during sex. They all said no to that.
Howard asked the girls how they had sex with Artie. Number 1 said she rode Artie on top. Number 2 said that they had sex in the ocean. Howard sounded surprised by that one. He said she sounded kind of orgasmic talking about that too. She said that they got caught doing that by a little Mexican police guy.
Howard asked the girls what kind of sandwich Artie wanted to eat after they made love. They were saying Meatball, turkey club and veal Parmesan sandwiches. Artie said that two of these girls are going to get Emmys for their performances.
Howard said that the girls must have been scared by the size of Artie. He asked why they broke up with him. Number 1 said that his mother called too much and he didn't like her dog. Number 2 said that she broke up with Artie because it was just a vacation. She said that she was trying to reconcile with her husband but things didn't work out. Number 3 said she just thought it would be best if Artie was able to have his freedom to be able to have anal or oral sex in his work.
Howard asked Fred and Benjy if they had any questions for the girls. Artie was saying that he thought that number 2 was the girl and didn't pay attention to what Howard asked. Howard said he wasn't ready to do that party yet and went off on him over that.
Howard asked the girls some more questions and found out what Artie's pick up lines were. They didn't have anything special to add there. Howard asked the girls if Artie was good at oral sex and if he performed it. The girls didn't have too many details on that either. One of the girls said that Artie was best at just laying there during sex. Number 2 said that she didn't feel that way and he delivered the goods for her.
Howard said that it was time to vote on who they thought was the actual girl Artie slept with. Fred had one more question for the girls and asked what Artie did right after sex. Number 1 said that he cuddled a lot. Number 2 said they ordered room service and number 3 said they went to sleep.
Robin was up first to vote. She said that she can't believe that Artie made love in the water in Cancun. She picked number 2 even though that was her story. Fred was with Robin on that and picked number 2. He said that he was basing that on the room service comment. Benjy said that he thought number 1 was the chick at first but her answers seem very prepared. Number 3 didn't seem like his type. He said that he's going to have to pick number 1 though.
Howard said that his vote is for number 2 with Robin and Fred. He said that she's very considerate of Artie and the other girls are being kind of funny. Howard said that the ocean thing is kind of throwing him off. He said it's very Burt Lancaster-ish of Artie to do that.
Howard asked the girl to step forward and after a little pause it was number 3. The guys were surprised by that but Robin said that her body type was just what Artie likes.
Number 1 was actually Elisabeth and she said that she has never slept with Artie. She said that she was found through 8-12 casting. Number 2 was Angela who is also an actress. Howard said that number 3 was the only one who didn't get a vote. Each of the two girls got $250 each thanks to the FX show ''It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.''
Howard said that there's still a chance that the girls will get to sleep with Artie. He gave them some plugs and then moved on to ask Artie and Denise about what happened. Artie said that they actually dated for a couple of months.
Denise told Howard how they met back in 1997 in Cancun. Artie said that he and his friend were down there and he had gone to jail and had gone to rehab. He said that it was between the time he was thrown off of MAD TV and when he did Dirty Work. He was in a really bad way and his friend asked him to go down there with him. He said that he was up for anything at the time so he went. He said that it was clear that nothing was going to happen with the other girls down there. He and Denise had a blast together though. He said that he went into downtown Cancun to buy coke and he got caught doing it there in the club. Artie said that the guy told him to flush it or he'd call the cops. Artie said that he flushed it and told the guy he was the nicest guy in the world because he'd probably still be in jail now if he had gotten busted.
Artie said that stuff all happened back in 1997 and then he moved to L.A. to do some more work and he'd always ask about Denise. When he got back after the Norm Show thing he came back to the East Coast. Denise said that she did get to see him one other time in the middle of all of that. Artie said that he made it evident that he liked her while she was dating this other guy.
Artie said that he came back and his friend Fran told him that Denise was available now so they started dating when he came back. Howard asked how long it took to get into her pants. She said that she didn't remember, it was probably a couple of months. She said that he was a great guy and very respectful. She said that Artie was very sweet and funny.
Howard asked why they really broke up. Denise said that Artie had just started with the show and she didn't want to get him into trouble. She said that she would feel uncomfortable if he had to do some strange things. She felt that it would be best to break up. Denise said that they had made love only 3 times or so. Artie said that it was more like 4 or 5 times in the few weeks that they were dating.
Denise said that they were living about 2 hours apart too so it was tough that way too. She told Howard that she didn't have an orgasm though. Then she said that she did but then took it back and said that she didn't. Howard asked her about what was going on there. He figured that might have been one of the problems that led to the break up. Denise said that it wasn't like that.
Gary said that she was claiming that she wanted more sex than Artie was giving her. She said that was a problem because he'd come home drunk and not be able to stay up.
Howard told Artie that he did good with this chick. Artie said that this chick was at his New Year's Eve party and no one even remembered her. Benjy said that he remembered meeting her. Artie said that this was the summer before 9/11 that they started the relationship. Artie said that she saw what kind of lifestyle he was getting into at the time and she had a feeling that it might not work out. Artie said that it was very smart of her to do that.
Howard said that if they had hit it off sexually then they would have stayed together. Artie said that he also met Dana after that. He said that he felt that Denise was too sweet of a person for him and he was doing damage to her. He said that she's very sexy and her body is unbelievable. He said that he didn't want to get into the sex thing either because she does have family listening.
Denise said that she was glad that she and Artie remained friends. She said that her heart was broken and she thought it was very nice that she stayed friends with him. She said that Artie brought her back from the abyss and made her see that not all guys were horrible.
Artie said that he thought it was great that she was at Howard's party and he didn't remember it. Howard said that party was a long time ago. Artie said that Denise is a huge fan of the show and she knew what it meant to him. Artie said that he and Denise made out at the party just to fit in with everyone else.
Artie said that he took Denise out to a Yankee game one time and he was horny that night so they were making out in the back of the cab and that kind of led to their first making love thing. He said that she's very classy and he still thinks that she did have an orgasm. Denise said that she really didn't remember if she did.
Artie said that Denise was very affected by 9/11 and she wanted to be an air Marshall or something. She said she wanted to work for the FBI.
Artie asked Denise if she would have gone further with the relationship if he hadn't gotten the job. Denise said that if Artie wasn't working there then she would have gone forward. She said that it was because of this show that she didn't want to continue it. She didn't want to stop Artie from letting it all come out. Howard thinks that she's being nice to Artie and just not saying that she wasn't into him.
Denise said that she had pretty much written men off at the time and Artie was the one who saved her. Artie said that he took her to the Hugh Hefner roast and a bunch of family functions. He said that there is nothing wrong with her and he can tell that she's not dirty in any way. He said that while he was having his doubts about what was going on they became a little distant. He said that he met Dana around that time and she hit him like a lightning bolt. He said that Dana was edgier to him and he could connect to her better than Denise.
Artie said that he took Denise back home the night of the New Year's Eve party and they didn't have sex or anything and that's about the time things ended.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Denise made the right decision by dumping Artie. He asked if Artie had any gay tendencies when they had sex. She said there was a scary moment for Artie at one point. She said that they lost something in the heat of passion... the condom. Artie said that he thought she didn't want to talk about that. She didn't seem to think it was that big of a deal.
Artie said that after that they went to planned parenthood and they had to fish the condom out of her. She said that they thought it was in her butt so they told her to just push and it would come out. Artie said that it was in October of 2001 and all he was thinking about was going to the Yankee game. He said that he tried to fish it out himself but it wasn't working. Artie said that Denise has the most beautiful private parts, they're like a work of art. Howard asked Denise if other people have told her that. Denise said that she has heard that from people.
Howard asked what it is about it that it looks so nice. She said that it's put together nice and neat. Howard figured it wasn't all roast beef looking.
Artie said that the people at Planned Parenthood were really asswipes and they didn't treat her with any kind of compassion. Denise said that she had to go to her gynecologist to get the condom taken out.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked when he gets to see this on Howard TV. Howard figured it would be up tomorrow.
Denise said that she's had a crush on someone for about 13 years and she's not sure if she can tell him who it is. Artie said that she shouldn't say who it is. She said that the guy's father just died and she's not sure if she should. She was also saying that he's always been there for her and she can always talk to him about her problems.
Denise said that she was at Howard's party and some woman asked her who she would sleep with if she was a lesbian. She blurted out Angelina Jolie. There wasn't much else to the story.
Artie said that Stuttering John was at the New Year's Eve party and joking that he was the new Jackie and Denise was the new Nancy. Artie said that was really annoying.
Howard wrapped up with Denise after that. He got in some more plugs for the Man Groomer thing. Denise got in some shout outs for some friends of hers. She threw out a bunch of names of her friends and some guy she met on a corner somewhere. She said that two of the guys were guys who had given her orgasms. They talked about a few other things that had gone on with them as well. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked Denise if Artie had ever called her a cunt. Denise said he never did. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he saw Sal and Richard there at the place making out. The guy said that Sal was kissing Richard's nipples and stuff. They had to cut away from them because they were so distracted by them.
Gary said it's pretty funny because people's lives are ruined there at Lehman and Sal and Richard are there just making out. Howard watched some of the video that the guys had. He and Robin were cracking up as they watched.
Howard said that it was right nearby that they were doing this. The reporter was near their building shooting this segment. Howard said that they showed the reporter and cut away from him because of Sal and Richard. Howard said that even the anchor after that guy said that people were showing emotions in different ways.
Howard said that Zoe wanted to come in and sit on a birthday cake and fart on it. She said that she's into the farting thing right now. She let one blast out but no one caught it on mic.
Howard asked Zoe about her porn but Will was saying that he just caught a whiff of her fart and it was really bad. He told her that she really stinks. Zoe said that she sometimes just holds it in by sticking a butt plug in her ass and holds it in until she can blast it in a fetish client comes to her.
Howard asked Zoe about getting busted one time for prostitution. She said that she was doing some escorting and they brought in a guy from another town that busted her. She said that she can get $300-400 to escort someone.
Howard asked Zoe if she ever did anything for Governor Spitzer. She said that she had no idea who that was. Howard asked Zoe about the farting and fetish stuff. She said that she does that stuff on her web site ZoeZane.com. Howard said he's seen some of these farting videos and one young girl farted on a cake so it looked like she shit her pants.
Howard asked Zoe about her ex-husband and what happened there. She said that he was a Mormon and he didn't fuck her enough. She said that he's oblivious to what she's doing because he's too busy reading the scriptures. Zoe said that she used to study that stuff but she wasn't into it as much as he was. Zoe said that she had to get out and when she did she went out and fucked her brains out.
Howard asked Zoe to show them what she was going to do. They had a cake on the floor so he asked her to go for it. She said she didn't have any farts saved up now. Howard told her to try it anyway. She gave it a try and let one rip. She wasn't sitting on the cake though. Howard told her to sit on it and do it. She tried it again and blasted one out. She was screaming like she had never farted before in her life.
Howard said that she really delivered today. Artie said that he was saying goodbye to Denise earlier and Brian Phelan told him that they had to move because they had a chick coming in to fart on a cake. He thought that was kind of rude.
Howard asked Zoe about her boobs and found out they were fake. She took her top off and showed them to Howard. Artie asked her what the mood was like in this country when the Titanic sunk. Zoe didn't get the joke. Artie told her it was just a bad joke.
Zoe told Howard about her farting and how she gets wine enemas and coffee enemas. She said that she's not sure how some of these guys can hold that stuff in for two hours at a time.
Artie asked Robin what she thinks about this chick being the only guest they've ever had that things coffee enemas are cool. Robin didn't answer.
Richie Wilson suggested that they put her on the Sybian and hit her in the face with pies. Zoe said she was up for that. The guys showed her the Sybian and she had no idea what it was. Artie told her they call it their ''rape motor.''
Zoe farted again and the guys were disgusted by the stink. Zoe even said that she caught a whiff of it and it was pretty strong. Zoe wasn't able to get on the Sybian with her panty hose on so Howard almost called it off. Zoe was able to get on it eventually. She started to scream as Gary started to power it up. Richie hit her in the face with a pie and her wig fell off. Richie hit her with another one and told her to shut up as she was talking.
Howard let her ride if for a few seconds and then called the whole thing off. He asked Zoe what had just happened there. Zoe said that she read this book that this guy wrote where they talked about throwing cream pies in each other's faces. She said that she was just having some fun and wanted to make people laugh. Howard said she made him laugh.
Howard told Zoe that she looks good for her age. Artie told her she looks younger with the cream on her face. Howard gave her some plugs and sounded like he was trying to wrap up with her. She farted again so Will was disgusted by that again and pointed out how bad it smelled. Howard gave Zoe some more plugs and wrapped up with her a short time later.
Howard said that Gary is going to get them on the phone now so he can talk to them about this. He said that his parents get upset when you try to explain something to them. He said that he doesn't like people going to their house to set up the phone line either. He said they just don't want change in their house, they just want to be left alone.
Howard said that there are bits they want them to participate in and this is how they can get around having them come into the city.
Gary came in and said that he didn't get an answer when he tried calling. Howard said that maybe it's better if they don't call and don't include them in any bits. He said that if anything goes wrong then they say they're doing it for him and then something goes wrong and he has to deal with it. Howard said he really just doesn't want to deal with it.
Artie said he's got an ISDN line and he can't figure it out himself. Howard said that its' going to be a nightmare. Artie said that he thinks that his parents feel pressure to do this and it's really something they just don't want to do.
Howard said that he can imagine his mother telling him that they'll do this for him if he really wants him to. Howard said that they did a great job with Meet the Sterns. He asked them if they liked doing it and his mother just kept asking if people liked it. He said that he asked them if they wanted to do it more but they kept asking if he ''needed'' them to do it.
Howard said he wants to hang himself after talking to them about stuff like that. They just won't say they don't want to do it. Gary asked if Howard wants him to just take them out of the bit they're doing.
Howard said that they're doing this big ''Guess Who Knows Howard The Best'' and they were going to have his parents in that. Howard said it would be funny if they were part of it but it might be too much hassle. Howard said that he said no to having them on the phone but now he's thinking that they should just do it on the phone.
Howard imagined what it might be like to talk to his mother about this ISDN line and when they'll get it installed. Howard said that his mother is going to want to know when they're going to install the line and they won't have a date so his mother will freak out and complain that they waited all day to get it set up.
Howard said he had a friend who went to visit his parents. She told him that his father couldn't hear anything she was saying. Howard called his mother and asked what's going on with his father's hearing aids. She said she knows that he can't hear and he doesn't want to bother the doctor with his hearing problems. Howard said that's the doctor's job though.
Howard's mother (audio clips) was on the line and she told him that this was a silly conversation. Howard asked her a couple of questions and had her saying ''What?'' over and over like she couldn't hear. Howard said that this is what's really going to happen. He said that they should get the people who played his parents in his movie to handle this instead.
Howard said that he'd dreading the whole conversation. He took some phone calls and one guy brought up Pam Anderson going out with Michael Jackson on a couple of dates. Howard said that's impossible. The caller said that the story was all over the place and Pam isn't looking good in the pictures.
Benjy pulled up the story and Howard said that Pam is denying the rumors. Howard asked Gary to get Pam on the phone so he can ask her about it. The caller wanted some confirmation from her.
Howard took a call from his Dad (audio clips) and asked him if he had been listening this morning. He said that he was listening and the guys had him answering questions that Howard wasn't asking. Howard asked Ben if he knows what an ISDN line is. Ben didn't hear him and kept saying ''hello?'' and stuff like that.
Howard said that Palin hasn't been tested at her job at this point and she hasn't really proven that she can handle the pressure. Howard said that you have to be a shmoozer and a mover in government and they have to be tested and tried in government. Robin said that they have had those types of people but that doesn't always work out either.
Howard said that he saw McCain being interviewed by Whoopi Goldberg and she was making faces into the camera while he was talking. Howard said that McCain is a decorated war hero and that's not the way you treat the guy. He said that she had no point to make once she was able to speak but she didn't have any good reasons to be against him.
Howard said that there was some article out about how he was backing McCain and that's just not true. He said that he hasn't endorsed anyone yet. He said that he's really not happy about Palin and he's not sure he can vote for McCain now.
Howard said that he had a clip of Matt Damon saying that Sarah Palin as Vice President was like a bad Disney movie. He played that clip and Damon said that it's a scary thing that she could be Vice President. He said he thinks it's a disaster waiting to happen and it's like a really bad Disney movie. He said that she's like a hockey mom staring down Vladimir Putin. He was also saying that he wants to know if she really believed that there were dinosaurs here 4000 years ago because she's going to have the nuclear codes.
Howard said that McCain is 72 years old and once you get to 80 you're just exhausted and don't want to show up for work. He said that's just a fact. He said that your body is preparing for death by that time. He said that there's a good possibility that Palin could be President. Howard said that is kind of scary.
Howard said that Obama has the same credentials as Palin does and that's why he can't say who he's going for yet. He said that at least Obama isn't pandering to the Religious Right and wanting to ban abortions.
Howard said that he had to get to the news but he took a call from Bong Hit Eric. Eric said that he saw Chevy Chase talking about auctioning things off and one of the things was the chance to go in to hang out in Howard's studio. Howard said that's true and he and Chevy have made up. Eric said that he didn't know that. He must have forgotten.
Howard said that they auctioned off one of those trips a couple of years ago and it helped the charity out a lot. He said that Chevy and Janie asked him to do it again so he agreed to it. Howard said that you can win the trip to the studio and get on the air. Check out CharityBuzz.com. Howard said that he saw Chevy a couple of times this summer and he kind of regrets getting into it with him years ago. He said that Chevy has become a friend after all of that.
Howard said that he was talking to his daughter about a friend who she was fighting with and she asked if things would ever change. Howard said that he didn't have an example at the time but this was really a good example.
Howard said that Chevy might come in sometime and they can talk to him about the old Saturday ?Night Live days with him.
Robin mentioned that this weekend was George Takei's wedding. Howard congratulated him on that and said that he's not sure if they ever got their pre-nup worked out.
Howard mentioned that they have some good stuff coming up on Howard TV with the Bonaduce vs. Levy fight and stuff like that. Fred asked if Levy was okay after the fight. Howard said he thinks he is from what Artie was saying.
Howard played the audio from CNN where Sal and Richard were making out and the anchors were talking about the prank that was going on there while their reporter was there.
Howard said that Richard was hired to go to Philly to have dinner with some people. He went out there and went to some ''swank'' restaurant with these people. Gary said that Sal was paid to go to a barbecue one time not too long ago.
Richard came in and said that he got paid pretty good to go to this dinner. He was paid $1500 to go to dinner. He said it was for the guy's birthday and the wife got it for him. Howard said that he wouldn't pay to go to dinner with Richard, he can't imagine who would. Richard said the place was really nice and not a chain restaurant.
Richard said that the guy was surprised that he didn't stink when he got there. Richard said that Sal got paid close to that much to appear at the barbecue too. Howard said that his friends should pay him to go out too.
Gary said that Sal just told him that he felt guilty about taking that money so he asked them if they wanted him to play ''guest what's in my pouch'' at the barbecue. Sal said that he wasn't being inappropriate, he just offered to play the game. He said he was just trying to be polite.
Gary said that if you e-mail Sal and Richard and offer to take them out to lunch, they'll go. Sal said that the story is misleading and they've never taken anyone up on that offer.
Howard said that Sal and Richard weren't really kissing on that CNN thing. Sal said that he was kissing Richard's nipples though so that was pretty intense. Sal and Richard said that they were making some noise while they were doing it but it couldn't be heard.
Sal said that the next time they do that, they're going to face fuck each other with black dildos. Howard got a laugh out of that.
Artie asked Sal what he talks about at the barbecue. Sal said that he lets people just ask him anything they want about the show.
Howard said that he really should charge people to go out with him. Richard said that he and Sal haven't gone out with him lately so maybe they could do that.
Howard asked Steve if he had anything else. Steve got in a plug for Greg Fitzsimmons' show that's on tonight on Howard 101.
Jon Hein came in and ran down his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down his list of subjects that they were going to cover today.
Howard took a call from a guy who was droning on and on about how the show gets people to think and how he thinks that they should have classes for thinking or something like that. Howard bailed out on the call because he was bored with it.
Ronnie came in and said that he was up at this Lake Geneva that the guy was talking about. He said that he was up there for a Scores opening though and didn't have a house up there like the caller was claiming. Howard thanked Ronnie for that and let him go.
Howard said the caller tipped them off when he didn't even know his own age. Howard said that you can't give out names like the guy was doing though.
Howard asked Robin to start her news and she started off with a story about the new Microsoft ads with Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates. She said she's seen them and they're awful, like they put no thought into them at all. She said it looks like they're adlibbing and it's not clear what the hell they're talking about.
Robin said that David Blaine has a new trick he's working on. That led to Artie doing his Chris Rock impression and talking about David Blaine being a magician without any tricks. Blaine is going to hang upside down for 60 hours. They had to take a break after that story, right around 10:10am.
Howard told his mother that they could install this ISDN line in their house though. Ray said that she would rather come down there even if it's early in the morning. Ray said that she gets up early in the morning and she really doesn't need a line installed in the house.
Ray said that she would rather just be there so Howard said that he's glad he called and asked them. Howard said if it's not convenient with them then they'll do something different.
Ray said that she thinks she knows more about Howard than anyone. Robin said that she thinks she knows him better than Ray does. Ray said that Robin does spend more time with him than she has. Howard said that Beth is afraid that she's going to lose and be really embarrassed.
Gary said that they haven't even written the questions yet. Gary asked Ray what Howard's favorite book was. Howard said he's not even sure what it is.
Artie said that he had a good question for him as a fan. Ray said that Howard is still her little boy. Howard asked her who he voted for in 1992, Bush or Clinton. Ray said she thinks it's Bush. Howard asked Robin who it was. Robin knew it was Clinton. Howard said that he was a big Clinton fan and a supporter. Ray said she was too.
Howard asked Ray if she knows if he likes his women shaved or unshaved. Ray said that's not her type of question. Howard asked Artie what question he had. Artie had a mouth full of food so he wasn't able to say. Howard asked Ray what his favorite thing to eat is. Ray said it was pasta. Robin said it was fish. Howard said that his mother is right because he loves spaghetti.
Ray said that Howard used to love spaghetti-o's when he was a little boy. Howard asked Ray who he loves more, his mother or father. Ray said that it has to be his mommy.
Fred asked Ray who Howard's favorite super hero is. She guessed it was Superman and got that right. Artie asked Ray what Howard's least favorite race was. He wasn't being serious though.
Howard told his mom that he'd call her when he needed her down there to do this bit. She told Howard that she loves him. Howard said that he loves a D-cup breast and that's the same size as his mom's.
Ralph called in and said that he has gotten every question right so far. Ray told him to just wait until he meets the master. Howard let her go after that.
Artie said that it would be great if his mother knows that he's not into any religion. Howard said he should have asked that. Artie said he wasn't sure if that was a good time to ask. Howard said that he's going to be asked to be the think tank on that game.
Artie said that he has a friend who does a show there at SIRIUS and he's told him that people text while he's interviewing them. Howard said that Ross Zapin is like that and he's always texting people. Howard said the most bizarre thing he ever saw was at Rick Rubin's house one time. He was there with Angie Everhart and there was no one talking to one another. It was just he and Angie talking and everyone there was silent. He saw Stephen Dorf texting and he didn't know what was going on there. Dorf told him he was texting the guy across the room because the music was so loud. Howard said that was insane and he spoke to Dorf a few years later and asked him why he didn't talk to him that night. He said that Dorf told him that he didn't want to bother him.
Artie said that they shorten up the words in texts too and when you say later you type ''l8r.'' Howard said he knows that from the chess site he's on and from e-mails.
Robin said that she has been using her cell phone a lot because the land lines are a pain when she's going between multiple houses. Howard said he never uses his cell phone and prefers the land line.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the George Takei bachelor party on Howard TV and talked about how great, yet disturbing, it was.
High Pitch Eric called in and asked Howard if he ever check's Beth's phone to see who she's texting. Howard said he would never do that to her. He said that's an invasion of privacy. He said that he knows there are people out there reading each other's stuff like that but he would never do that.
Robin read some more of the study she was reading about and how kids are relying on their phones to keep up their social lives.
Robin read a story about a study that was done about 85 year olds having sex. She had a story about vegetarians and how that can lead to a shrinking of the brain. That led to Howard reading a letter that someone wrote to the Daily News. The guy was saying he was a vegetable rights activist and he was wondering why vegetables don't have the right to live. Robin thought it was something from The Onion or something but Howard said it was a letter in the Daily News.
Howard wished Tim Sabean a happy birthday and said that today is his birthday. He said he's not sure how old he is but he looks to be about 60.
Robin read a story about this guy Frank Mundez who may have inspired the character Quint in the Jaws movie and how he has just passed away at the age of 82.
Robin read a story about sex packets being offered at hotels. They offer condoms and some other stuff in the rooms at some higher end hotels in Atlantic City and New York City. She talked about some of the stuff they're offering in these packets and Artie said that he didn't get one at the Water Club at the Borgata when he was there. He said they gave him food instead.
Robin read a story about people being effected by the pharmaceuticals in drinking water. She had a story about a vaccine that may wipe out breast cancer.
Robin read about George Takei and Brad's wedding. They had Walter Koenig and Nichele Nichols at the wedding. Fred was playing a lot of George audio clips. Artie said that he thinks that if he came on to George that he could bang him. He said he thinks that George is a great guy but he thinks he'd be a pretty easy get.
Robin read a story about a German Sheppard that saved it's owner by dialing 911. Howard said that dogs are great except his because she had diarrhea yesterday.
Artie said that he loves Howard's dog but he wanted to know if his dog would dial 911. Howard said that you have to train a dog to do that but it probably could. Robin read the story about the dog and how it was trained to dial 911 by pressing a special button on the phone.
Robin read some stories about Hurricane Ike and the disaster it has caused. While they were talking about that Howard played some outtake's from the recording session that Sal did with George Takei when he had him singing Christmas songs.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he heard that the train wreck out in California was caused by the conductor of the train because he was busy texting someone and missed the signal light. Howard said that he read that too.
Robin read some news about many companies that are collapsing or are on the verge of collapsing. She also talked about the possible spike in gas prices because of hurricane Ike.
Robin said the powerball jackpot has been growing and it's up to $136 million. She said that may be the only way to live in this world at the rate things are going now.
Robin had some news about Sarah Palin and also talked about Tina Fey playing her on Saturday Night Live over the weekend. Howard said he hadn't seen that yet but he'll have to check it out on YouTube. They played some clips from the bit and Howard said now he knows why he doesn't watch Saturday Night Live.
Howard said that he thinks Tina Fey is looking pretty hot these days and he thinks she's really sexy. He said that he'd bang her hard if he had the chance.
Robin read some more stories about Palin and the Presidential race. She read through a few other various stories about Britney Spears, the number 1 movie at the box office and a few other things. They ended the show around 11:05am.
Will said that he went over some of the notes with the other two girls and gave them some details about the real Denise so they had some material.
Benjy said that Denise was kind of lying during the game and tried to throw them off. Will said that he had to tell her to tell the truth in the game. He figured that was a given but she apparently didn't know that.
Jon played a clip from that segment from when they revealed who the real Denise was. They talked about how they had already met her before but no one remembered meeting her. Gary said that it was just the one time that they met and it wasn't all that memorable because there was so much going on at the time.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Robin is insane. He said that she said that she loved that movie ''Apocalypto'' when it came out and today she said she hated it. Gary told Jason to look that up.
A woman asked if they were going to see Artie tomorrow because their last game is at Yankee Stadium tomorrow. Gary said he's not sure about that. He said that he assumes that he will be there. Gary said that he just read that the 21st will be their last home game so she was wrong about that. The caller said she must have read it wrong.
Gary asked Jon if he would have a girl on the show that he had been with. Jon said that he might be up for that. Gary said he wanted to have someone he had been with previously on the show too but he has to make sure that's okay with his wife.
A caller said that he wanted to say that Artie is a fucking idiot because of the way he went off on Matt Damon today. He thought he was a little out of line with those comments.
Chris Booker was on the phone so Jon picked up on him. Chris said that he likes the show and he just didn't like when he tuned in to hear 20 minutes of Benjy talking about his age. He said he wanted to hear about the show or hear the show itself. He said he loves the Wrap Up Show and that's what he was telling Howard.
Jon said that it kind of came off as he was bashing the show. Chris said that's not the way he told it to Howard though. He said that he was just suggesting that they not let Benjy go on and on about his age and get caught up in that ''Benjy Vortex'' that he gets into.
Chris said that he's not blaming Benjy for that because he was just answering a question that was asked of him. He said that he thinks that Jon and Gary should just move things along and get back to the Stern Show discussions. Gary said that it may have been a slow show day that day. Booker said they shouldn't have it on during the weekends then.
Gary said that they don't analyze the show that way on the weekends. Booker was saying that he just doesn't like getting caught up in the whole Benjy thing. Gary said that they're kind of caught up in a Booker vortex. Booker was kind of upset with the way Gary was making fun of him on the show today too. He said he was making fun of him for not working right now and he's really just working out his contract. He said he could have a job tomorrow if he wanted but he's got to let the contract go through.
Gary told Booker that he was going to get out of this because someone listening might think they were caught up in another vortex. Booker was also telling them that they shouldn't take calls that aren't related to the subjects they're on. He said that they should stay on topic.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they should just leave the show the way it is. He said that he likes it that way. He said that they do have slow days and they just talk about anything. Booker asked the guy if a slow day should be on during the weekends. Gary said that maybe they should do that with Howard's show too. Booker said that's not the same thing because Howard has been doing it so long.
Benjy asked Booker how old he thinks he is. Gary told him that's enough of that. He said that he went in and said something to Howard after the show and he thinks that Booker is just one guy and they do a good job on the show. He said that Howard told him that Booker was making a good point though.
Ralph called in and said that he's going to see Howard later today. He said that he's going to tell him that Booker is being sensitive and Gary is being defensive. He said that the problem with the Wrap Up Show is that they do get sucked into a vortex with Benjy or Sal and it becomes all about them. He said the show should be a post game show and they should talk about what happened during the game.
Ralph said that Gary shouldn't take on the role of the host, he should be more of a guest on the show. Booker said that Gary is complimenting Jon as a host but they should know when to move on and Jon is the one who has that responsibility.
Tim Sabean came in and said that when they started the channels all they did was Howard's show on the weekends. He said that the Wrap up Show became part of the package and people were asking to hear it on the weekends. It was the entire package from 6-Noon that they were playing.
Ralph asked if people listen more on the weekends or less. Tim said it's less. Ralph said that he thinks that people want to hear Howard's show on the weekends and not the Wrap Up Show.
Tim said that they have two channels there and if they're running right they don't overlap the Wrap Up Show and the Howard Stern Show but it does happen on occasion.
Jon said that he was going to move this discussion to Superfan Roundtable on Thursday. He said they only have 20 minutes left and he wanted to move it along. Tim said that this is the unique thing about their channels and he welcomes the suggestions all the time.
Gary said that he agrees with getting caught up in the Benjy and Sal vortexes but they do that because they don't know where it's going to go.
Booker said he really loves the show and he wasn't trying to piss anyone off. Gary said that he's really not mad about that. They kissed and made up before Jon had to go to break.
Gary said that it can be very intimidating on the show with Howard and they don't have that on the Wrap Up Show. He said they can be someone else on this show than they are on Howard's show. They thanked Jerry for the call and Jerry said he loves the show and moved on.
Jon moved on to talk about Zoe Zane who came in to fart on the cake today. Will said that her farts were awful because they were kind of sweet smelling on top of the fart smell. He said that it was made grosser by who it was farting too. Gary said he put his shirt over his nose and ran in and out of there so he wouldn't smell it.
Benjy said that he was fascinated by this woman who was 24 years older than him. He was hinting at that age thing again.
Jon played a clip of Zoe doing her thing on the show today. Gary said that a great part of the show was her laughing and farting on Ronnie out in the green room. He hopes that makes it to Howard TV.
Benjy said that guys grow up being into older chicks but then when you get older the older chicks turn out to be Zoe Zane's age. The guys talked about Zoe's hair falling off when they were hitting her with the whipped cream pies too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the Wrap Up Show is the next best show on the Stern channels there. He said that they can get sucked into some discussions though. Gary said he finds Benjy fascinating and it can make some people crazy.
Gary said that he thought it was funny to do that on the air today. Benjy said that the note they had was from 3 weeks ago though. Benjy said that Howard doesn't want him going in and out to get coffee all the time. Gary said that he's the only one doing that though. Gary then realized that he had gotten caught in another Benjy vortex. Jon told Gary he'd get him out when it got to be too much.
Benjy said that he always asks the interns to check with Jason or Tracy before they do anything. Gary said that they never said he was mean about it. He said he just takes them off of work they're in the middle of doing.
Will said that he thinks that Benjy could get some stuff done if he just showed up 10 minutes earlier in the morning. He shows up like 3 minutes before the show starts and has to rush it.
Jon brought up Sal and Richard doing their thing on CNN while they were talking about the Lehman company failure. They talked about how people were taking their lives out of the building as Richard and Sal were making out on camera there.
Gary said that there was a time when Sal and Richard would go out to lunch with people just so they could get free meals. Gary said that they have a friend now who used to do that before he was their friend. They've wised up since then and charge to go to barbecues and out to dinner with fans.
Benjy said that he knows how Sal was feeling about the need to perform for people. Gary said that he did one of those things one time when he went to a 50th birthday party for someone. He said that party was some of the best fun he's had at a party.
Sal came in and Gary brought up the lunch thing with that friend. Sal said that he and the guy got to know each other before they went out to lunch and they weren't taking advantage of anyone. Gary said that Sal just took $1500 to go to a barbecue and that's not taking advantage of someone? Sal said that he was offered to appear there and he was going to do his Guess What's In My Pouch thing with them. He said that he has done that at bars once in a while.
Shuli said that he's seen Sal do that at bars and people freak out and scream when they see him doing it. Will said that Sal used to be scared of showing his penis but now he whips it out all the time. Sal said that it's like having a prop to use.
The guys brought up the CNN camera thing again. Sal was saying that he thinks that making people laugh at bad times like that is a good thing. They spent another few seconds on that and then ended the show.
Howard started off the show talking about how cranky he was this morning. He said that he told Beth that she was making too much noise in bed. He said she was all charged up and he's not sure why. She's coming on the show today so they can ask her about it when she comes in.
Howard said that Beth is excited about coming in and about the wedding and the marathon she's going to be running. He said she's got an appointment for her wedding dress fitting and stuff like that too. Howard said he told her she was making a lot of noise and she usually doesn't make any when she's sleeping. He said he has to check to make sure she's still alive.
Artie said that he loves putting his arm around a woman in the morning because they're so soft.
Howard said that they have Beth and her friend Jill coming in this morning. He said they're going to be promoting some dog thing.
Howard said this guy also had a BB gun rifle that he would use to shoot birds off the wires at his house. He said that he was afraid he was going to shoot someone painting his lawn jockey.
Howard said that Beth is on the cover of Country Club Quarterly magazine and that might be what she's coming in to promote. He showed that to the guys in the studio. They said it looked like a nice magazine. Robin wondered what's in that magazine. Artie wondered how you get the gig for taking those photographs.
Dominic called in and said that you can't shoot someone on your property with a gun. He said that if someone breaks into your house then you can shoot them. He said that it's reasonable physical force to protect yourself. You can't shoot someone for just being on your lawn.
Howard asked Dominic if he could shoot someone if there is someone trying to break in. Dominic said there was a case where a guy was threatening to break in and the guy shot him with a shotgun before he came in and he was convicted of manslaughter. Dominic told them that he sent them a bunch of law books with all of this stuff in it. Howard said he doesn't read that stuff, he hires lawyers.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that they still make lawn jockeys and he sees them every day. He said that he wants to stop by and pick some up for them. Howard said they could put them in the studio. Howard said that the black ones look like white guys in black face and they look really strange. Artie said they could use them as a Studio Jockey.
Howard said that lawn jockeys used to be a signal for slaves to find a safe house to hide in. Back then it was pro black but now it doesn't make much sense. Howard said that if people have them now, it's probably not a safe house to go into.
Howard said that Beth is coming in to promote her Tyra Banks appearance that's airing today. Artie asked if he's supposed to be nice to Tyra now. Howard said that's not necessary. Howard said he met Tyra and she told him she thought it was funny when they were goofing on her dolphin show. He said she seemed pretty cool.
Robin said she heard that Artie was petting a dog recently. Artie said it was her captain's puppy that he had on his boat the day they were over at his house for his party. Artie said he doesn't mind small dogs and the puppy was really cute.
Howard read an article about Don Imus where he talks about raising money and how his show is about getting white people to talk about black people. Howard said that Imus was very comfortable talking about race and he was very comfortable with the N-word. Howard said that Imus has been getting people together to do some kind of CD.
Howard said that he saw the second episode of ''True Blood'' and it's really good. He said that almost no one watched the first episode. Robin said that she didn't like the promotion they were doing for it. Howard said he hopes it catches on because he really liked it. Robin said that Anna Paquin's gap in her teeth is really hard to take.
Howard said that he mentioned that he liked that movie ''Apocalypto'' yesterday but he has to remind everyone that Mel Gibson is a scumbag. Artie said that someone called the Wrap Up Show and said that Robin originally said that she loved the movie. Yesterday she said she hated it. Howard said he did like that movie but he has to remember that he doesn't like Mel Gibson after all of the anti-Semitic stuff he and his father have said.
Howard said he's been doing a lot of research into religion and he read that a lot of religions say that the human soul doesn't come into the body until the baby takes its first breath. He said that people are so concerned about when the baby has a soul and they should just look to the bible for that first breath thing.
Howard said that JD has been working very late at night into the wee hours of the morning to get the clips for them. Gary said that Annemarie hired him as an intern and he turned that internship into a job.
Howard said that he'd love to interview people who have been turned down as interns there. Howard said that he wishes they had a tape of JD's first interview with Annemarie. He said that would be great and they might have to tape their interviews for occasions like that. Howard and Fred did their impressions of JD and goofed on him for a short time.
JD came in so Wolfe could ask him some questions. JD said that he thinks he dressed nice for the interview and he had some interviews at some other places that he was turned down on. JD said he didn't get called back for the other internships.
Howard asked JD if he remembers what Annemarie asked him. JD said ''Um... No'' and said that he didn't remember exactly what he wore either. He said he thinks it was a nice shirt. Robin asked if it was a nice t-shirt.
JD said that Annemarie told him what the job was going to be about and tried to find out if he was a fan of the show. Howard asked how long the interview was. He said it was maybe 10-15 minutes.
Howard said it's a miracle that he got the internship and formed that job for himself. JD said that they let a girl go and he asked to take over her job. That girl was let go after she tried to sell her boyfriend's ''beats'' to 50 Cent. She gave Gary some attitude according to what Artie remembered.
Gary said that he remembers the day that happened and he tried to get her to come out of the green room but she told him to wait just a minute. He asked Ronnie to get her out of there and Ronnie yelled at her to get out of there and had to yell ''NOW!'' when she didn't come out.
Will said that there were people who thought that JD was a little strange because he had written a movie script about an axe murder and people thought it might be about his life.
Howard read JD's resume and it mentioned a few things that he had done in school. He was part of a student film and Howard said he'd love to get a copy of that. He did a quick interview with JD as if he were Annemarie talking to him. JD was fumbling through that so Howard asked him how the hell he got hired. JD said he's not sure.
Howard asked JD how he did with his mother when he saw her at the family reunion. JD said that it was fine. He said he hates when they talk about this stuff on the show. He said that his mother isn't comfortable with it.
JD said that he and his mother don't get to see each other very often. Howard asked him about how his mother made it out to Hawaii but JD said he didn't know. He said ''I don't know'' a bunch of times to questions that Howard was asking.
Howard asked Wolfe to interview JD like he wanted to. Wolfe asked JD to tell him about himself. JD paused and mumbled a bunch of stuff and said that he's nice, he has some intelligence... uhhh... umm... He has people skills when he has to talk to people.
Wolfe asked JD where he sees himself in 5 years. JD said he has no idea but he would like to be a director. Wolfe asked JD what his weaknesses are. JD said that he's shy... umm, I don't know. They goofed on the way he was saying ''Weaknesses.''
Howard asked JD how he gets through an interview if his answers only last 5 seconds. JD said that he would prep himself if he was doing a real interview. Robin told him to start preparing then. Artie asked him how he would prep for something like that.
Howard told JD how he should really respond to a question. He suggested that he say that he's overly conscientious and that he can work too many hours sometimes. Howard said that JD says the wrong things and gave some suggestions of what he might say in an interview. Fred got in on that too and goofed on JD for a short time.
Wolfe wanted to ask Jared the same questions. Howard said that they should have a Jared and JD show and like Goofus and Gallant. JD said they don't have to have anything like that. Howard said that Fred could do the JD voice. They could have Jared and JD go up for the same job and Jared pulls off the interview perfectly and then JD comes in and just says ''I dunno ahaghahh...'' Howard said that he would rather watch JD on that show. He asked JD if he was up for a cartoon like that. JD said that he'd rather not see that. Jared wasn't in yet so he wasn't around to give his thoughts on the cartoon.
Howard asked Wolfe if he has ever conducted interviews before. Wolfe said that he has and he thinks that JD's interview was okay and it was very smart to say that he's ''nice'' because most companies are looking for nice people. He said that JD actually didn't do that well.
Wolfe said that most interviews are concise and to the point. JD's weren't. Howard thanked Wolfe for the call. JD told him to fuck off.
Howard got back to JD and his family. He asked about his mother and if he had seen his mother since last Thanksgiving. JD said that they have to plan those get together and it doesn't always work out. He said that he doesn't like to travel that much and his mother is looking to come up there ''in a couple, you know... next month...''
Howard pointed out that JD does travel with Artie. JD said that he gets paid to do that and it's his job. Robin said that they have been close to his mother out on the road with Artie. JD said that it's only for a couple of days though.
That led to Howard talking about how Benjy got arrested yesterday. He said that Richard and Sal were on CNN making out behind a reporter so Benjy wanted to do something. Howard said that Benjy went down and started yelling out ''Lucas Dell'Abate'' and he did that because Lucas is a big fan of his antics. Benjy went out by the cameras and he got in on CNN, Sky News and FOX. Benjy said that he agrees it wasn't all that funny but he wanted to do it for Lucas. Howard said it wasn't very funny and he should have been arrested for it.
Howard played the clip of the CNN reporter being interrupted. The guy that Benjy interrupted was the same guy that Sal and Richard were making out behind. He got pranked twice yesterday. Benjy came up and started yelling out Lucas' name and said that they need him down there at the Lehman Brothers building.
Howard said that Benjy moved over to Sky News and did something similar. The reporter was doing his report and Benjy just started yelling out Lucas' name again. Someone grabbed him and he was asking why they were grabbing him. Benjy said the guy tackled him. He said they get really rough with him when he does that.
Howard played Benjy interrupting the FOX news report. He didn't get it out that time. Someone grabbed him and then the cops came and arrested him. Benjy said that he was really scared in the car on the way to the police station.
Benjy said that he thought the cops were going to take him somewhere to beat him up. He said that he misunderstood some stuff they were saying. He said that they also didn't read him his rights before they took him in. Howard told Benjy to be careful and maybe not do 3 in a row like that. He told him it's one thing to call in and make a phone call to a place. It's another to get arrested for something.
Gary said that Lucas is going to be thrilled beyond belief when he finds out what Benjy did. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said that he's been humming a Coldplay song a lot. He hummed it a little bit but he didn't know what the name was. Gary said he thinks it's ''Viva La Vida.'' Fred played the song for Howard but he bailed out on it pretty quick.
Howard said that Perez Hilton was there and he has a web site, PerezHilton.com, that has 7 million page views a day. Howard said that Perez has lost some weight. Perez said that he was getting very fat and he has been working hard to lose the weight. Perez said that he does have people flirting with him now so that's a good sign.
Howard asked Perez about his web site and if it's still just him working on it. Perez said that he has a friend and his mother helping him out. He said that he gets up at 4 in the morning and works on the site until 4pm and then goes out and works out and does that stuff after that. He said he tries to get to bed at 10pm.
Perez said that he works from Sunday night until Thursday night and he loves what he does. Howard said that this has worked into a full time business for him. He asked Perez if he is a millionaire. Perez said that he's not sure about that.
Perez said that he just started his site for fun and it worked out for him. He said that some people start them to make money and that doesn't always work out. Perez said that he's had a lot of law suits to deal with but he thinks that he's settled almost all of them.
Perez said that he now pays for every photo he gets and he has to play by the big boy rules now. Perez said that he's not cheap and he will post video, pictures and he does chat with people too. Perez said that he can still link to any site he needs to for the stories.
Howard asked Perez about a picture of Sienna Miller he saw on the site and asked what he pays for something like that. Perez said it depends on who he gets it from and who he has relationships with. He said that he can get pretty good deals on pictures. He said that there are very few exclusive shots anymore with all of the paparazzi out there.
Howard said that famous people must hate him after all of the stuff he's written about him. Perez said that a lot of people have a sense of humor. Howard said that Avril Lavigne put up an anti-Perez site. Perez said that was a good and she called him one day asking him to stop writing about her. Perez said that it's too easy to write about her and he can't stop.
Howard said he likes Avril but Perez was saying he finds her kind of annoying. Howard said he likes her music too.
Perez said that he heard that Howard is getting married very soon, maybe within days. Howard said that it is soon but every weekend of the summer he was supposed to get married. He said he doesn't get why people care. Howard said that he hasn't gotten married yet but it's not within days.
Howard said that there were two magazines that approached them and offered like a million bucks to have pictures from the wedding. Howard said that he's really not interested in doing that even if they did give the money to charity. Howard said that he's going to ask guests not to bring cameras to the wedding. they planned on doing two parties for the wedding and it was going to be very simple. He wanted to do something relaxing.
Howard said that he discussed that with his agent and he thought it was kind of tacky so he won't be having his pictures sold.
Howard asked Artie about being mad at Perez for something he wrote about him. Artie didn't seem to remember that. Artie said he wasn't angry with him. He remembered the heart around his crotch picture from the gig in Miami that he did. Artie said that he was kind of flattered by that actually.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she wanted to talk to Perez about her web site PerezRevenge.com. She was trying to get her thoughts out but Howard didn't have the patience to wait for her to get her question out and hung up on her.
Howard read something that Perez had written about John Mayer making out with him at a party while Jessica Simpson rubbed his crotch. Perez said he thought the guy was just fucking with his head and that's why he was making out with him... with tongue. He said that it was at a club and there were other people there who could see it. Howard said that he assumed that Mayer was straight but it sounds like he might be bi.
Perez said that he's heard that John is very kinky and has allegedly talked about urinating on chicks. Howard said that he can't imagine that he ever did that to Jennifer Aniston. Perez said he heard that John liked to do Jessica up the butt, which is normal, but he also liked to watch gay sex porn while he did it, allegedly.
Howard said that if you kiss a guy with tongue, that shows that you must be gay. He said that's very gay. Robin said she didn't know that it was really gay though.
Perez said that Mayer was very drunk that night and it was New Years Eve so they have to remember that. Perez said that he's not sure if John ever came while Jessica was rubbing his crotch. Perez said that he's not lying about this and he took a lie detector test and passed it.
Howard read that Perez was sued by Lindsay Lohan's girlfriend for $85,000. Perez said he was just reporting on what other people were saying and he ended up winning the law suit and she actually owes him money now. That led to Howard and Perez talking about Lindsay allegedly being a lesbian and how she hasn't come out officially yet.
Perez said that he's been getting a lot of gossip about Sarah Palin and her family. He said that he just posted something about the daughter stealing her boyfriend from another girl. Perez also said that he has some stuff about Sarah Palin's wedding and how she was kind of forced into it. There was also a story about her getting a tanning bed installed in her office when she became governor.
Howard said that he read that Perez had posted a picture of Adam Sandler's 2 year old kid and said she wasn't good looking. Howard said that's kind of mean and asked if he heard anything from Adam. Perez said he didn't hear from him and he's really not a complete asshole, he's a conniving asshole who was trying to get someone to say something. Perez said that he thought the kid was ugly and he said it. Most people wouldn't say that.
Howard said that Perez hasn't had a lover in a long time and he might be going back with a celebrity. Perez said that he has a crush on Zach Effron or Chase Crawford. He said that he'd hate to date people so pretty though.
Perez said that he's getting his own record label. Perez said that he gets a lot of visitors to his web site and he can help promote them that way. He said he'd like to help guide people's careers like that.
Perez said that he gets about 9 million page views a day these days. He said that he gets good money for the advertising too. Perez said that he really doesn't care about money that much. He's just glad that he gets to be with his family and helps support them.
Howard said that Perez started his own clothing line. Perez said he has a line on his web site and a book coming out in January called ''Red Carpet Suicide: A Survival Guide on Keeping Up With the Hiltons.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they glossed over the Jessica Simpson taking it up the butt thing. Howard said that was just a rumor that Perez heard and they don't know that to be true.
Howard asked how Britney Spears is doing. Perez said he saw her at the VMA awards and she looked good and didn't look like she was all drugged up like usual. Robin said she read that Britney lost her virginity at a very young age. Perez said that her mother revealed that in her upcoming book. They also talked about Miley Cyrus and Perez thinks that she may have lost her's at a very young age too.
Howard and Perez talked about Jennifer Aniston and how her relationships tend to fail. She seems to date only famous guys and that's destined to fail from what Perez was saying.
Howard gave Perez a plug for his web sit PerezHilton.com and asked him when he last blew a guy. Perez said he got blown 7 months ago but he didn't blow a guy.
A caller said that he had to let Robin know that two guys kissing is very gay. Another caller asked Howard if he ever cried in therapy. Howard said that he has. He said that the therapist is very proud of you when he can get you to cry. He said that he's done that 2 or 3 times and his therapist is very proud of him when he does that.
Howard asked Artie if he has cried in outpatient therapy. Artie said that he hasn't cried but he did make out with the guy. He was just kidding but Perez thought he was being serious for a second.
Howard was going to wrap up with Perez and he was going to go out and meet Beth in the green room. Howard told Gary to bring her in if she wanted to meet him. Howard said that she's a huge fan of his site and she loves that gossip. Howard said that she reads that, Us magazine and all of the tabloids.
Beth came in a short time later and said that it was great to meet Perez. She said that she goes on the site once a day and not multiple times like Howard claimed. Beth said that she only visits once but that's how she knew that he was on today.
Perez asked Beth what she thinks of Howard having a crush on Avril Lavigne. Beth knew that he did have a little crush on her.
Beth said that Perez is very mean to Rumor Willis and he should really leave the kids out of it. Perez said that she's ''very ugly inside'' and she's trying to get famous herself by hanging out with other big stars. He said that she's putting herself into the spotlight that way and it makes him think ''Eww.'' He said he just didn't like the way she went about it.
Beth said that he was very mean to Adam Sandler's baby too. She said that he was mean about someone else that she couldn't think of.
Perez asked if they were going to send pictures of their wedding to them. Howard said they were talking about that earlier. Beth said that she was upset about another child that Perez gets upset about. She said it was actually Lindsay Lohan's girlfriend. Perez said that she's not a very nice person. He whispered that though.
Artie told Beth that she's looking really good today. Howard said that she's been running like crazy and ran 18 miles one day. Artie said he didn't think that she could get hotter but he was obviously wrong. Howard said that's what he insists on.
Beth ran 18 miles and she got sick after that because she blew herself out doing all of that. Howard said that it's amazing but he really doesn't want her doing that anymore.
Beth told Perez that he's so much cuter in person. She said that he puts up some awful pictures of himself. Perez told her that if she knows of any single boys for him to let him know.
Artie asked to see Beth's engagement ring up close because he hadn't seen it that close yet. Beth also showed everyone her tattoo. Howard said that this was enough of this gab fest. Artie said that it was like The View in there today. He said he felt like Lisa G looking at her ring.
A caller asked Perez if he would bang that guy from Tokio Hotel or if that dude was too effeminate. Perez said that guy claims he's straight even though he looks like Boy George back in the 80s. They wrapped up a short time later and went to break.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that it sounds like Robin is very jealous of Beth today. He said that it sounds like she's a bit combative toward her. Howard said that Robin is in love with him and she has a problem with every woman he's been with.
Howard said that Beth and Robin are actually very good friends and they e-mail quite a bit. The caller thought that Robin was upset with Beth for going on the Tyra Banks show because that show was supposed to be hers. Robin said that wasn't it at all and she'll be watching Tyra today to see Beth.
Howard had Beth and her friend Jill come in after that. Fred played Shaw Blades' performance of ''When I See Beth Smiling'' when they came in.
Howard said hi to Jill Martin who is a broadcaster for the NY Knicks. She does interviews with the sports guys. Howard asked her if she sees the guys nude at all. She said that it's a very professional thing in there. Beth said that she has told her that she has seen penis in there before.
Howard asked Jill why it's okay for her to go into a men's locker room when a guy could never do that in a woman's locker room. Jill said that they have a room where they get naked and take showers and stuff. She said that it was disconcerting in the beginning but now she's very comfortable.
Howard said that he would be uncomfortable with her in the locker room. He asked her if the guys ever get a boner when she walks in. She changed the subject and said that she brought Howard a gift. It was something from Carvel. Artie said that he knows Jill's work from watching MSG. He said he's watched her on those Knicks games.
Howard said that Jill is also on the Today Show and she has also been a fashion contributor for Us Magazine. He said that both Jill and Beth will be on the Tyra Banks show today talking about how to dress on a budget. They were both wearing inexpensive stuff this morning. Beth said that it would be best not to ask about her shoes though.
Howard asked Artie if he was eating. He was. Beth told Jill to give him one of the Carvel Flying Saucers. That led to them talking about how maybe they are enabling Artie and his eating.
Howard asked Jill why she's still single. Beth said that Jill actually dated Steve Gutenberg. Howard said he forgot about that. Howard said that Steve talked about his huge penis on the air when he was in there. Jill said that Steve is a lovely man and they dated for a while on and off. Beth said that Jill has told her that Steve is very fun in bed.
Jill said that they dated for about a year on and off. She said she wasn't in love with him though. Jill said that she hasn't felt that way about any man since she lived in Miami. Beth said that Jill does date a lot.
Howard asked Jill why she broke up with Steve. She said it just fizzled. She said that they both started dating other people and it just fell apart.
Howard was talking about how he could imagine Steve playing all of the Police Academy shows for Jill. Beth talked about how she and Howard watched ''Son of the Beach'' on their first date at his house. Howard said that he wasn't in that show though, that was a show he was producing. Beth said she didn't even know that he was the producer on the show and she had actually auditioned for it.
Beth was telling Howard how horrible some of the stuff is going to be for Howard on Tyra Banks today. She said that she kept it a secret from Howard but she had to warn him about what was going to be on today.
Artie said that if Beth was naked on her way out for the night, and someone threw dog shit at her, she'd still look fantastic. He said that there's little chance that he's going to look good in a $10 shirt like she can. Howard said that there are a lot of women who don't know how to dress and that's what Beth is going to be helping out with today. Beth said that she splurges on expensive shoes and bags. She said that she's wearing a $20 dress on the show today but has expensive shoes and a bag that she's paired it up with.
Howard took a call from Bobo who asked if she's upset about the way Howard gets upset with her getting a massage from a male masseuse. Beth said she only made that mistake once and she will never do it again. Howard asked Jill if she would go to a man. She said that she does that and she doesn't even give it a second thought.
Howard said that he had a friend who was a male masseuse and he told him that almost all of the guys end up doing stuff to the chicks that they massage. He said that the guy goes knuckle deep into the women's ass when he does his work. Beth said that he has to be lying about that. Howard said that even Robin Radzinski had something like that happen to her.
Beth said that she had a woman molest her one time. Howard said that was the hottest thing that ever happened to them. Beth said that she was getting her massage and this woman had her pinkie in her area rubbing it as she was massaging her. Howard said it was on her clit but Beth refused to use that word. She said it was very erotic and she was enjoying it. Beth said she was very stiff and she didn't open up her legs more or anything like that.
Beth said that the woman was rubbing her inner thighs when she was doing that and she kept giving her more and more pressure in that area but she never touched that area that Howard was talking about. Howard had to say ''clit'' for her since she refused to say it.
Beth said that she got really uncomfortable and put a stop to the whole thing. She said the woman ended up walking out of the room when she saw the look on her face. Beth said she cut it short. Howard said that was very hot and he had a boner from the story. Beth said the girl was tiny and had a beautiful body. She wasn't wearing anything under the sun dress she had on either.
Howard asked Beth if she ever fantasizes about Jill. Beth said that she doesn't think about women like that. She said that she's really in love with Howard. Howard asked if they would screw around if they got drunk and into bed with him. Beth said that she would never want to bring another person into bed with them. Howard said he would get jealous if there was another person in the bed with them. He said he gets jealous easy.
Howard said that he doesn't want any guys touching his woman so that's why he doesn't want a male masseuse on her. Howard got very upset with her when she did have a guy massaging her. Beth actually lied to him about the massage she got that one time.
Howard said Beth gets a massage every week and she uses a woman. Howard said he has used the same woman and Beth doesn't have a problem with that. He said that he's not going anywhere so she doesn't have to worry about that.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that he wanted to hear that story but a little slower this time. Howard didn't keep him on too long after that. He sounded a bit creepy asking to hear the story again.
Howard asked Jill about Steve Gutenberg again and how big his penis really was. She said that she didn't want to lose her job so she wasn't going to say exactly what it was like but she did say that the girls who dated him must have been very happy with him. Beth said that she did tell her that it was really big.
Howard asked Jill when they broke up and what happened there. She said that they never really broke up and she may hear from him after this. Jill said that she has dated since then and has had many boyfriends. She said that they weren't even boyfriend and girlfriend back then though.
Howard gave the girls some plugs for the Tyra Banks show, the Country Club Quarterly magazine that Beth is in, Beth's running, her web site GoBethO.org, her Animal Planet special and more.
Howard was complaining about Beth texting so much lately. Beth said that it's just her brothers that she texts. She said it's family. Howard said that he's fine with it but she could tell he was annoyed.
Beth thanked all of the fans who have supported her and said that they are very generous. You can donate to her charity through her web site GoBethO.org.
Howard gave Jill some plugs for her stuff and talked more about Steve. Artie said that he's got that goofy smile on all the time. Jill said that she thought it was a very nice smile and not goofy at all.
Jill said that Beth is always talking about Howard in the nicest way. She said that she has even talked to her about their sex stuff. Beth said that last night was very nice. Howard said that it was fantastic last night and he did what he had to do. He said he climbed aboard.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked why Beth went on that Tyra Banks show. She said that she gives her props for the marathon but the texting has to stop and she has to stop with the Tyra Banks show. Howard told Mariann not to stress out about that.
Howard asked Beth what her name is going to be. Beth said that she's probably going to go by Beth Stern after the marriage. She liked the look on Howard's face when she told him that. Howard's face apparently lit up when she told him that news.
A caller asked Beth about Howard not wanting kids and how Howard had said that she didn't want him to get a vasectomy. Howard said he never said that. Howard said that she knows that he would never do it because he's too scared to do it.
Howard asked Jill what Gutenberg does with that schlong of his and putting a rubber on. He asked if he glues two together. Howard asked if he uses those big ones that he didn't know the name for. They figured out they were Magnums and Jill thought it was funny that no one there knew the name of them.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked Beth when she's going to convert to be a Jew. Howard said they would never do that and she's not converting.
Artie asked Jill some questions about the Knicks but she didn't know what he was asking about. He figured that's she'd know when they last won a championship. She didn't answer that and she didn't answer who has the biggest schlong in the locker room. Artie kept asking her questions that she wasn't answering and she thought he was being mean about the Knicks saying that they weren't going to win many games.
Beth got in a quick congratulations for Sarah Silverman who won an Emmy. They spent a short time talking about Sarah and how she had thanked Jimmy for breaking her heart.
Howard was wondering where his $1,000 was that Artie owed him for the Levy fight. Howard said that they bet on the fight and Artie thought that Bob was going to win. Artie said he was just trying to build up confidence in Bob.
Howard said that Jill was whispering to Artie over there for some reason. Artie said that she gave him her phone number but it was a 900 number for some reason.
Howard asked Jill if she's friendly with the people on the Today Show. She said that they're all very nice and Kathie Lee is very nice to her. She said it's an amazing place to work.
Bong Hit Eric called in and said that Jill is almost as hot as Beth O and he wanted to take her out. Jill said that her parents would be very proud of her if she went out with Bong Hit Bob. She got his name wrong but she said that he should go with Bob. Eric said that he's been cutting back on the weed and he stopped smoking cigarettes on 9/11.
Eric said that Beth would be very proud of him, he just rescued a dog. Artie asked him if he just let it out of his house. Eric was asking Beth to tell that massage story again on Tyra. Howard said he can't believe that she enjoyed it as much as it sounded like she did. Beth said it felt good but she's not looking to do it again. Eric asked how close she came to her clit. She said that she was very close but not on it. She said she doesn't know if she got wet or not.
Irish John called in and asked Beth if she's creeped out by Lisa G or anyone else on the Howard 100 News team. Beth said that she's not creeped out at all. She said that she really respects Lisa G and what she does. Howard said that she's just doing her job with all of that stuff.
Artie said that makes Beth the only person not creeped out by Lisa G. Howard said he was just kidding about that. Artie didn't seem to be kidding at all.
Another caller said that he thinks that Jill going into the locker room is a double standard. He said that guys don't go into the women's locker room. Jill said they do go into the women's locker room in the WNBA and stuff like that. Artie said that no one watches those games though.
Howard asked Jill if the guys ever try to flaunt their penises in front of her. Jill said that she's never felt uncomfortable around that. Howard asked if any players have asked her out. She said ''not directly.'' Kind of like the way she was answering her questions. Howard wrapped up with the girls a short time later. He gave them a few more plugs and then went to break.
Nick said that he thought he was looking good yesterday. Howard told him that if he was gay he'd go out with him. Nick just laughed.
Howard asked Nick about the trip to Afghanistan. Nick said that Artie asked him for Ambien over there and when he gave him 3 pills, he told him that he wasn't Calista Flockhart and he ended more. Nick said he gave him some of that and some valium too.
Howard said that there must be a lot of pressure on Artie to ask for stuff like that. Artie said he was asking Gary for stuff too. Artie said that he had fallen off the wagon with the heroin before that so it was a rough time over there. Artie said that he was able to stop 3 days before the trip and got it out of his system for that.
Artie said that when he was over there he was jonesing a little bit so he was asking his friends for pills and stuff. Howard said that they probably last 5 years with those pills and Artie ate them up in a week.
Nick said that they were in Afghanistan and Artie had to get something somehow. Artie said that the marines told them that the heroin was right over the mountains over there where they were staying.
Howard asked Nick if he's happy about McCain picking Palin. Nick said that he's not that conservative and he is pro choice. He said that's about it though. Nick told Howard that he has always been kind of conservative with the race issues. Howard said that's not true. Nick said that's why he started listening to his show. Howard said that's really not true though.
Nick said that Howard used to talk about how rough ''those folks'' could be. Howard said he did talk about his childhood then.
Nick was talking about how he likes Obama and how he'd like to hang out with him but his skin is the least of his problems. He said his policies are more offensive than his skin color. Nick said that Palin might be the first politician he'll be able to jerk off to. Howard pointed out some of her bad points to Nick and Nick agreed with some of them.
Nick cracked a joke about how Obama's political career should end like John F. Kennedy's did after Robin said that they said the same things about Kennedy as they do about Obama. Nick said he was just joking about that of course.
Howard said that this country is going bankrupt thanks to Bush but Nick didn't think that it was all Bush's fault. He said that Bush didn't start the whole war. He said that it was the attacks on this country that started it all.
Howard asked Nick more about the trip to Afghanistan and Nick said that he thinks they'll be able to get all of that stuff under control over there some day. Artie said that they met a 23 year old kid over there who showed them what they're doing there and where they think Bin Laden. They are working on that stuff over there. Nick was saying that it will take a few years over there in Iraq and people like Robin want it to happen overnight.
Howard said that they had to take another break and gave Nick some plugs for his upcoming comedy shows and said you can find out more at NickDip.com.
Howard talked to Nick about some of the stuff that was going on with Artie and Jim Florentine over in Afghanistan. Howard asked if Nick saw anything going on that would lead him to believe Jim was going to break up with Robin. Nick said that he didn't give any hints that anything was wrong. He said Jim is kind of creepy in that way.
Gary came in and told Howard a story about Nick not being allowed to use a bathroom and he had to go use a port-a-potty at night. He had to hold up the toilet paper to the skylight to see if there was any shit on it. Nick said that he wasn't allowed to sue the bathroom but the other guys were. It wasn't fair. Howard went to break a short time later.
Steve said they have a report about Sal and Richard's CNN performance. They also have more on Benjy getting arrested for going on camera and yelling out Lucas Dell'Abate's name. Howard said that Lucas thinks that stuff is funny but the thing is that Benjy told him that the next one was going to be for him. He did it and ended up getting arrested for it.
Howard said that Gary called his son this morning and Lucas was beside himself and he didn't know what to do. Gary said that he played it for his son live on their computer so he could see it and he was thrilled. Howard said he's not sure why it was even funny but it worked for Lucas.
Howard played the clip of Benjy yelling out Lucas' name on CNN. Nick seemed to think it was pretty hilarious. Howard played him the Sky News clip as well. Howard said that the Sal and Richard video is on a lot of web sites out there.
Steve said that they have more on Eddie the Produce guy going to court. Howard said that all he can remember about him is that he was like a white guy who had black balls. He got waxed on the show and his balls were deep black. Nick thought that was perfect, a white guy with black genitals.
Dominic Barbara called in and asked if Benjy really got arrested. Howard said he did and Dominic mumbled something on his awful cell phone. Benjy has to appear in court so Dominic said that it was a formal arrest.
Steve also got in some plugs for Jackie the Joke Man and Riley Martin's shows that air tonight at 7 and Midnight.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran through the list of stuff they were going to try and cover today.
Howard asked Jon if he thinks that Perez could sell his web site for millions like he did with JumpTheShark.com. Jon said that Perez could probably sell it for a lot more than he got for his.
Howard said he heard rumors that Jon sold his site for 10 million. Jon said he wishes it was that much. He said that Perez could make a lot of money with that site of his.
Nick asked people to join the forums on his web site. He asked Howard to please tell people to join the forum. Howard asked Jon what kind of money Nick could get for his web site. Jon said he couldn't begin to count how much that was worth. Nick sounded shocked that Jon was a millionaire. Howard said that he's probably just jealous.
Howard played the JD bit that the guys created that made it sound like he was being interviewed for a job.
Howard said his youngest daughter asked him if he ever did drugs and he told her that he didn't. He said that he actually told her that he did experiment a little bit but he didn't like it. He said that he didn't want her thinking it was something cool to do.
Howard asked Nick where he sees himself in 20 years. Nick said he can see himself there at SIRIUS with his show. Howard said that Nick has talent and he must be able to get a TV show or something. Nick said that he can't get a job like that because ''Howard's people'' are in the business and won't give him the job.
Robin read a story about Hallmark coming out with cards for same sex marriage. Howard said he thinks that's a pretty big story because a major company is coming out with something like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Beth has ever spanked him during sex. Howard said that this guy is obviously gay because that's not something a straight man would do. He said that the guy wants to spank the woman. He said that a woman spanking a guy is very gay to him. He said that if he let her do that then he'd probably want a finger up his ass.
The guys spent a few minutes on that subject. The caller was asking Howard questions about Beth digging her nails into his back and pulling him into her further. Artie said he was getting douche chills from the call. Howard seemed to be getting them too so he hung up on the guy.
Howard played his favorite Pink Floyd song which was a Baba Booey song parody to the tune of one of their songs. Robin got back to her news and read a story about a teacher who is trying to entice kids to go to school by paying them. That led to the guys talking about how they kind of agree with this teacher. They were saying that college sports students should be paid for what they do.
Robin read a story about a girl who was abused as a child. That led to Howard playing some tape from that abuse and played Ham Hands Bill's song parody about Robin where he played her dad. That was cracking Artie up. Robin was laughing quite a bit too. They also played one of Ham Hands Bill's other bits where they had him call a flower shop asking them to fill out a card where he asked Robin to take off her PJs and to get into the shower with Vaseline.
Robin read a story about some devil worshipers who were killed. That led to Artie doing his Ozzy impression and singing some ''Mr. Crowley.'' Nick said he sounded like comedian John Pinet.
Robin read some news about United Air Lines charging extra for bags that people bring on their flights. She had some news about Hewlett Packard cutting 24,000 jobs over the next 3 years.
Nick was asking how Bob Levy is feeling about the Lehman Brothers collapse. He was also wondering how Bob is doing after that fight. Robin said that she heard that Sal called Bob's wife to ask how he was doing and she told him that he wasn't hurt from the fight, just from falling to the mat and hitting his neck on the ropes. He has a burn on his neck from hitting the rope. Artie gave Howard half of the money he owed to him. He gave him $500 on the air and said he'd have the rest tomorrow.
Robin read some more news about the economy collapsing and had some clips of McCain and Obama talking about that stuff.
Robin read some news about the train wreck out in California and how they think the conductor may have been text messaging before the crash. They have banned all conductors from doing that out there. Robin read some news about Hurricane Ike and the mess it created in Texas.
Robin read some news about Lindsay Lohan shooting the show ''Ugly Betty'' and being hounded by people on the set. Robin had some audio clips of some people talking about that.
Robin had some Robert De Niro audio clips where he talked about how great John Leguizamo was. She also had some audio of Brad Garrett talking about his show ''Till Death.'' Howard gave him an ''Ugh'' when he heard his explanation of what the show was. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:30am.
Benjy was also talking about how hot he thought Jill was. Artie said that he wanted to bet Benjy that she wasn't Jewish because Benjy seemed to think that she was. Benjy said that he had done some research and found out that she was part Jewish. Artie got pissed at him that he was going to bet him and he already knew. Benjy said he was going to tell him.
Jon asked the guys why Jill brought in the Carvel Flying Saucers. Artie said that he thought they were for him and it was embarrassing how she was hitting on him while she was in there. He wondered if he was delusional or not. Gary said he wasn't sure how to tell him what he thought.
Artie said that he thought that Jill not answering the Knicks questions was actually a way for her to come up to him during the commercial break. He thought she was kind of shy around him and she wasn't looking him in the eye or anything. Gary asked him if he wanted to get her number for him. Artie said that he wants him to get the number to his new assistant, which will be one of two hot chicks that are in the running for that job.
Jon asked Nick what kind of advice he would give to Artie about his assistant. Nick asked if it was true that one of the girls used to be a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader. Artie said that one of them was and there's this black I-tie chick that's also in the running.
Artie said that the chick is very dark and he asked her if she was all Italian. He said that she's got an amazing body and she's very articulate. Artie said that she's very qualified to do the job too. He said that she worked for Morgan Stanley.
Artie said he's going to hire this hot chick because he knows it's not going to work out and it'll be a great bit for the show. Artie also said that he heard that Rob Lowe had to stop hiring hot chicks as assistants because he ended up fucking them all. He said that might happen with him. Gary said that he was the one who told him the Rob Lowe story after he spoke to Lowe about one of the girls he had working for him.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why Artie doesn't try to get that girl who was on the show yesterday back. Gary said that bit was their idea and Artie came up with a girl to come on the show. Artie said that they originally came up when he was still with Dana so it didn't fly back then. He said that it came up again and he did it for the show. Gary said that a client wanted to do it so that's why they eventually went through with it.
Artie said that he had two other choices for that chick and one of them was a one night stand. He said it was the summer before he was with Dana. He met the chick in a bar in Hoboken and she was smokin' hot. He said that she was coming on to him and that never happens with a chick that hot. He said she knew that he was a comedian though.
Artie said that the chick hit on him and his buddies saw him going on. He asked the chick if he wanted to get out of there and she went with him to his new apartment. He said they were all over each other in the elevator. They ended up fuckin' about 3 times and then when he was walking her out of his apartment she was blowing him again. He said he still has that chick's number.
Artie said that the chick did something really hot and left her panties at his place that night. He said he found them the next morning. Artie said that things got complicated after that and that's why he never called her again.
Benjy asked Artie if he thinks she knew he would show up at that bar. Artie said that she had friends there in town and he doesn't think she was there just for him. Artie said that he's not sure if he still has those panties.
Benjy said the chick was 22 years old and she had big, real tits and she was one of the other options for the game. He said that it was harder emotionally to have Denise on the show than it would have been with the other chick. Artie said that they're going to have lunch just to reminisce.
Artie talked about another girl he met at the Venetian playing craps. She charged him $500 for the night he was with her but she gave him a freebie the next night. Artie said he still has her number and was going to call her. He said that he had invited her out to stay at his place in New York and it was right around 9/11. She wasn't able to make it and she called 9/11 ''the accident.'' He said she was really hot but she was kind of dumb. He never called her back after that call.
Gary said it would have been worse if she had flown in on 9/10 and got stuck there for a month not being able to fly. Artie said that his 9/11 would have been a different kind of disaster if that had happened.
Artie talked about that chick and how she gave him some freebies. He said that she just told him that she'd do it for free. They did it a couple more times before he flew out and he got her number after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that Howard is going to get that Beth O and Jill in bed together. The caller thought that it was very obvious that Beth is into it. No one else got that out of the conversation though. Artie told the guy that the creepy things going on in his head just aren't true.
Jon asked the guys if they thought Howard acted different with Beth and Jill in there. Gary said that it's different now than it was in the past but Howard used to melt on the air when Beth was on.
Artie said that Beth is grossed out by stuff that you'd want them to get grossed out by. He said you don't want chicks to be into everything on the show.
Gary said that Howard called Howard out on something today that he made sound different. He said that Howard played ''Son of the Beach'' for her and it was so obvious that was a move he was making on her. Artie said that if anyone else had done that Howard would have goofed on them relentlessly. They said that it was obviously a move he was making on her.
Artie talked about some moves he tried to make that were similar to that one Howard pulled. He said that he also heard that David Spade had a string set up in his apartment that would play him on Letterman when he'd walk in his door so chicks would see it.
Artie talked about how he got into texting because of a hot chick. He learned how to do it because of that one hot chick and he still does it. Gary and Jon were wondering why he doesn't just e-mail if he knows how to text. Artie said that he lost the computer he had.
Artie said that he texts all the time and he doesn't even check his messages anymore. He said he thinks he's going to keep that up because it's much easier that way.
Teddy said that Artie has his phone off and he doesn't have his voice mail set up so people get error messages. He said that he sends Artie like 100 text messages a day and his phone must be going off all the time.
Artie said that he borrowed his buddy's phone and it did an auto complete word when he was trying to write ''night'' and it finished with the N-word for him. He said his friend must use that word all the time.
Jon brought up how Nick thought he was out when Howard went to commercial break shortly after he came in. Nick said that's not so crazy to think he was out of there because that's happened the past few times he's been in there.
Artie said that he thinks that Jill should have known some of the answers to the questions he was asking her. The guys spent a few minutes talking about that. They thought that she should have known some of the answers to those questions.
Nick was bitching about how these chicks are getting jobs just because they have a pussy and that's just not the way things should go. He said that they should qualify for the job instead.
Scott DePace came in to argue politics since they were on that a little earlier. Gary was asking Scott if there are any Democrats that he would vote for. Scott was saying that he can't think of any. Nick was saying that he can't vote for a democrat because this political correctness shit is killing us and they're behind it.
The guys talked about politics for a while. Scott and Nick were arguing with Gary and Artie was kind of on Scott and Nick's side in all of that. Jon didn't say much of anything and just let them go at it. (Where's Chris Booker to tell them to talk about the Stern show?)
Jon asked Nick about when he got fed up with the left wing people in the comedy clubs. Nick said that he was in his third year of comedy.
Artie said that he heard a story about Colin Quinn doing a show at Caroline's where they had a sign language chick doing his material for him on stage. When he wasn't getting any laughs Colin walked up to her, knocked on her head and said ''Is this thing on?'' Nick said that's a real comedian right there. Jon had to go to break a short time later.
Jon asked Nick and JD what they think about Artie now and asked if they think he's in a good place. Nick said that he does look good. He said he has some color in his face now. He said that he's glad he got some help. nick said that he was like the drug dealer over in Afghanistan when he gave him the Ambien and Valium. Nick said that stuff is rough on him but it hardly effected Artie at all.
JD said that Artie did good on the road and didn't drink over the weekend. He ate pizza instead. JD said that it was pizza this time but there's no telling what it will be next time.
Jon asked JD about being in the studio talking about his interviews today. JD said he's not sure how he was able to get this internship. He had a job at a video store too. JD said that interview was much different than the interview for the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he loves JD because he makes him feel better about himself. He said that maybe they should do some interview questions to help him out so when the show ends he'll have something to move on to. JD said that he's only had that one other job after high school. He got the job there after going to Full Sail.
JD said that Wolfe doesn't have anything to say except when he calls in to goof on one of them. Jon asked JD if he was tired this morning because he sounded kind of tired. JD said that he was fine.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked Nick about his thoughts on Sarah Palin and some of the political discussions they were having. The caller and Nick spent a little time on that.
Jon said that JD has to watch that stuff, that's his job. JD said he tries not to watch it that much, he fast forwards through a lot of it.
Nick said that TMZ is really annoying because they put themselves on camera. He said it's not necessary. Nick went off on them for a short time and said that those are the Obama lovers right there.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that the females in the locker room drive him nuts. He said that the players have looks on their faces like they don't think they belong there either. Nick said that college football drives him nuts because they go over and interview the coaches when they're down by 15 points. He said it just makes him nuts.
The caller was saying that it's nice to hear them man up the Wrap Up Show a bit but this morning's show was very tough to take with all of the gay stuff. Jon said that Artie got in a few lines about Perez that showed what he thought of Perez.
Nick said that he doesn't have SIRIUS right now because he can't get reception at his house. He said that maybe he should get it in his car.
A caller asked why Howard isn't admitting that he already got married. Jon and JD said that they didn't think that he did. Jon said that Howard has denied it all this summer so he's not married as far as they know. Jon said that as far as he knows he's not married and he hasn't been asked not to say anything like the caller thought.
Ralph called in and asked Nick why he doesn't do an hour show there. Nick said that he did one on July 28th at 7pm and Sabean told him they'd talk after Labor Day. Ralph said that he thinks that's ridiculous and they should give him a show and kick Jackie off or something. Ralph said that Nick got kind of sidetracked with some stuff today but most of the stuff he talks about is very entertaining. He said that Nick is more miserable than him.
Ralph said that he thinks Perez Hilton is a fucking piece of shit and he tries to out people that don't want to be out and it's just not right. He was also saying that Perez thinks that he's better than other people and he's not.
Ralph and Nick were talking about some of the women who are on sports shows and don't belong there. They threw out a couple of names of people they don't like. Nick said that Linda Cohen doesn't bother him at all for some reason.
Ralph also asked about Benjy getting arrested so they spent a short time on that. Benjy said he was charged with disorderly conduct but that's a very vague thing so he's not sure what that means.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the Sarah Palin bashing is getting out of hand on the show and they have to stop listening to the Clinton News Network (CNN) and pay attention to the facts. Jon said that they're not all bashing her on the show, there are some people who are supporting her.
Benjy asked Nick if he's really against Obama. Nick said that he's not and he doesn't think that his skin color bothers him at all. He said that Obama is lighter than he is. Nick said that the politically correct shit really bothers him and not the color of Obama's skin.
Benjy asked Nick if he would be upset if his daughter dated a black guy. Nick said that's a loaded question and there is no black or white answer for that. They spent a couple more minutes talking about that and also about Jim Florentine dating Robin. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show talking about how pretty Robin was looking this morning. He thought she had some new lipstick or earrings on or something. Robin said that stuff wasn't new. She said she did her make up herself and that led to Artie talking about how horrible that must be to be a woman having to do make up every day.
Robin said that her hair was different and she managed to make it look decent today. Howard told her it looks good. He told her to do that every day and not pull it back tight.
Artie showed Howard something and Howard didn't think he looked that good. Artie went on to say that he was watching some old shows on Howard TV last night and saw himself playing basketball against that chick out in Vegas. He said that he saw the new Miss Howard TV and thought she was really hot. Howard said the next one is coming in today.
Artie said that they promised him that they were going to have a Miss Howard TV audition out at his house this summer but that never happened.
Howard gave some of the money to the guys to get some breakfast this morning. Artie said that today was cupcake Wednesday and they'll have breakfast this morning. That led to Gary coming in and saying that he heard that there are no cupcakes this morning because of the story Howard 100 News did about him picking a cherry off the top of the cupcake. Ross was in charge of that so it may have been him who stopped the cupcakes coming in.
Howard said that they're going to get some revenge on Ross if that's the case. He said that they're never letting him in their compound again. Ronnie came in and said that he's assuming that Ross is the one who is banning it. He doesn't know it for a fact but from what he heard last week, that's what it sounds like.
Howard said that Ross is no longer allowed to come back there and use their bathroom anymore.
Gary said that Ross has to come back there for meetings on Monday's. Howard told him to move the meetings somewhere else then. He told Gary to take away Ross' privileges to get back there if they don't get cupcakes there within the hour.
Howard said they will never speak Ross' name anymore either. He said that they will not speak his name, they will just say ''did you see the name we do no speak?'' if they have to ask about Ross.
Artie told Howard that the new breakfast order he's getting is really good. Howard said he found it on the menu of this place The Pump where he gets his breakfast orders. Artie said that it's really good. Howard said he's going to order something different every morning from now on. This morning's breakfast was a turkey burger on pita bread with low salt tomato sauce and mozzarella.
The caller talked about some of the other old shows that are available on there and continued to kiss the Howard TV ass.
Artie said that he saw that old show where he played basketball and thinks he got robbed. Howard said that he knows this is a complimentary call but he really had to bail on it. He said he can't fault the guy for liking Howard TV though.
Artie said that he really was robbed in that basketball game. He said that he was up 13-10 and he shot and swished from the outside. The chick pulled his pants down and he didn't get a foul.
The caller also asked Howard if he craps there at work. Howard said he rarely does and it's only happened about 5 times.
The caller asked if they were going to get that ISDN line installed at his parents house. Howard said he spoke to his mom and she doesn't want anything installed at the house. The caller asked if he thinks his parents know what Blu-Ray is. Howard said he's pretty sure they don't. He went on to talk about how he gets them this new technology like VHS and DVD but he doesn't think that he's going to get them this Blu-Ray. He said they've been watching a lot of DVDs over the past couple of years.
Howard said his father goes in and rents stuff from the video store but he was trying to fix the whole rental system. He said that he had some money left over on a gift card and the girl at the store had some problems with that. His father had a whole problem with it and he went and had a meeting with the manager.
Howard said that he tried to tell his parents about TiVo but his father wants nothing to do with it. He said he told Laura to go hook them up with it but they really don't want to deal with new technology. He wanted to get them a big screen TV but they don't want that either.
The caller asked if he had seen the Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles series. Howard said that he has seen it and it's very good. The caller told him that the chick, Shirley Manson, from Garbage is playing a terminator on the show. Howard said he wondered who that was because he did kind of recognize her.
The caller told Howard that he shouldn't have Ralph to his wedding because he threw up at his house. Howard said that he's just a bad house guest. The caller thought that Sal would be a better guest at the wedding.
Howard said that Beth was talking to someone from Extra and they asked her to get Sal to do the interview. The people at Extra were telling Beth that Sal and Richard were being very funny down there but they only showed about 3 seconds of them on that show.
Artie said that it has to be horrible for Beth to have to get Sal on the show like that. Howard played the clip after that. In the clip they had a bunch of clips of people talking about how stupid they thought it was. They also credited Howard with setting the whole thing up. It wasn't Howard's idea, it was Sal and Richard who came up with the whole thing. They only had Richard and Sal on for about 2 seconds each.
Ralph called in and said that Sal and Richard sounded douchy on Extra the way they were interviewed. He went on to talk about the Terminator TV series. The caller asked Artie to please stop saying ''Clearly'' in every sentence. He wanted him to stop because it's lead to them saying it on the Wrap Up Show lately too.
Ralph said that the kid playing John Conner is looking very feminine on the show and he's plucking his eyebrows. Howard said that the chick he had on the show was a little heavy too. Robin said she looked 40 years old too. Howard said he loves the show but the kid is very feminine. He said he's not sure why he's so mad at his mother though.
The guys spent a short time talking about that show and the casting. Artie said that the guys who do the casting might be the fruity guys that he's seen.
Ralph talked about what Perez Hilton was saying about John Mayer yesterday. He thought that was incredible. The caller asked Howard to play his song parody ''Ralph's a fag cock sucking berry face'' that he sent in. The caller said that he was happy to be on the phone with Ralph but that shit he did with Howard's washing machine was just too much.
Howard found the caller's song parody and played it. The caller was cracking himself up. Howard and Artie got a few laughs out of it too.
The caller said that he watched ''True Blood'' and he's hooked on the show now. Howard said that the show showed very little viewer interest but he thinks that it will catch on. They talked about how hot the chick Anna Paquin is. Howard said that the real famous chicks aren't always the hot ones.
Howard said that he did an interview with a guy from the New York Times about chess. He said that he doesn't usually do interviews but the guy just wanted to talk about chess. He said that's the kind of interview he's willing to do. He said the interviewer wanted to play a game against him but he knew that the guy would probably kick his ass.
Howard said the reporter played against one of the guys in the Wu Tang Clan and beat his ass. Howard said that he figured this reporter was going to kick his ass too. The guy also wanted to videotape him playing and he didn't want anything to do with that.
Artie said that the actor who played the father on Alf worked with him on The Norm Show and he used to read the Times every day and he'd read about chess and play those crossword puzzles every day. He said the guy was really smart and he'd read those articles that are over most people's heads.
Howard said that the reporter did ask him about the merger and stuff like that in the interview. He said the guy seemed like a real nice guy. He said that he didn't see the article yet since he just did it yesterday. He said the guy wanted to take pictures but he turned that part down.
Howard said that people who live in New York are going to be the ones who pay big for this country doing as bad as it is. He said that these big companies are going out of business because there are so many people who live outside of their means. He said that they take mortgages out and they just can't afford to pay for it. Howard said that there are a lot of greedy people in this country.
Howard was also saying that he was looking at this Sarah Palin and he thinks that she's a ''dumb fucking bitch'' who doesn't even know what the Bush Doctrine is. He called her a cunt at one point but took that back. He said that she's just a dummy. He said that Bush is a dumb cunt too. He said that Bush and Palin are against Stem Cell research. He said that Palin is also against a woman getting an abortion if she's raped. He doesn't get how anyone could be against that.
Robin said that Bush isn't even as nuts as this Palin is. Howard said that she went and spoke before a group that wants to withdraw from the United States. Howard said that these people wanted to secede from the country and she went and told them to keep up the good work. Howard said that if Obama did that, he'd be impeached without even being the president.
Howard said that this woman shows that she doesn't have common sense. He said that if Obama had a 17 year old daughter who was knocked up, there's now way the Republicans would let that go. He said that it really bugs him what Palin is all about. He just can't vote for her.
Fred said that this is 2008 and not 1848 when they're out there in a wagon. Howard said that he doesn't care how many people Palin was in charge of, it's the stuff she's talking about that's not going to fly.
Howard said that he believes that Palin has an ability to read and speak. He said that he's read some stuff about her that's very disturbing.
Artie said that they need to have middle and lower class people doing well because they need them to buy stuff like SIRIUS radios and stuff like that. Robin said that people keep yelling about how the country runs with a Democrat in office but things ran very well when Clinton was in office.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he wants to puke when he hears them talking about politics. Howard said that everyone thinks they know something that other people don't know. The caller said that Howard is repeating a lot of stuff that he's already said before. The caller said that Howard isn't doing his research. The caller said that they need to educate themselves more on this stuff than they are. Fred said that this guy doesn't know anymore than they do.
The caller and Fred went back and forth for a few seconds but Howard said he wanted to get off of this. Ralph called in and said that he thinks that Palin has more experience than Obama has. He said that Obama has no experience like Palin does. He was also saying that no one is going to vote for the black guy anyway.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Howard was a big proponent of the war right after 9/11. Howard said that he wanted to blow them off the map and he still does. He said that Bush invaded Iraq under a false pretence. The caller asked who is supposed to pay for this war, our grandchildren? Howard said yes to that.
Howard said that he was for the war in Iraq because he thought that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction. It turns out that was all a lie so he's not for that war now.
Howard said that there's this crazy mother fucker who wants to take a hit out on Paul McCartney because he's going to perform in Israel. Howard said that he's all for taking one big nuclear bomb and blowing those countries off the map. He said that's what's going to eventually happen. Robin said that she doesn't believe that's going to happen.
Eric said that he was going to bring some stuff for Artie to bring back to the show. Artie said he will not take anything back and he has to Fed-Ex it to the show. Eric said he's not going to do that. He told Artie he can bring it back. Artie said that he's going to leave it back stage if he brings anything. Artie doesn't even bring his own clothes. He buys new stuff there.
Eric said that he didn't want to spoil his surprise and refused to tell Howard what it was he was bringing. Eric said it was 8x10 photos for each of them. Howard said that they have to have Artie bring those back then.
Fred said that the start time for the show is 8pm. He told Eric that he used something called the internet to figure that out.
Artie said that he can have Eric's tickets canceled if he wants. Eric got in a plug for his store at JFSC.tv/ETA as Howard was letting him go. Artie talked over the plug as usual.
Howard said he's sick of people thinking they're so friggin smart with this stuff. Artie said that's what happens in an election year. Artie went on to say that this country is so fucked up right now that maybe the right move is to vote for Obama.
Howard asked Artie what's up with Ralph goofing on him lately. Artie said he's not sure what's going on there. Artie said he's not sure. Gary told Howard he had the clip from Miserable Men on his computer. Howard played the clip where Ralph mentioned Artie dissing Bob Levy at the fight on Saturday night. He was trying to get Bob to bad mouth Artie on the show.
Ralph was goofing on Artie for not going to the Levy fight and how he doesn't seem to care about Bob. Howard played a second clip where Ralph did an impression of Artie trying to postpone the fight on Saturday. Bob said that they were about to go out and fight and they told him to go back because Artie wasn't there yet.
Howard said that Bob sounded nuts in that clip. Bob was saying he thought that it was kind of fucked up that Artie didn't show up. Howard said that Ralph really has it in for Artie. Artie said it's a real shame. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said he was listening to Buzz Saw the other day. He said that he likes that channel to get him fired up to work out. He said that they played ZZ Top's version of ''I Thank You'' and it was great. Fred played some of that for the guys while they were talking about it.
Howard said that he used to throw ZZ Top albums in the garbage when he'd get them at the stations he was working at. He thought that they were just a bunch of hicks when he saw their pictures. He said that their covers were always awful and he didn't know how great their music was.
Howard said he just got a copy of the new Metallica album. He hasn't listened to it yet. He said he hopes it's good. Fred had their first single ''The Day That Never Comes'' so he played some of that for Howard. Their album is called Death Magnetic. Richard Christy came in and said that they're legends so they still have to respect them for that. He said that they've gotten a little heavier and he likes what he's heard so far.
Howard asked Richard some questions about who is more important to metal. Richard was saying that he thinks Ozzy is one of the most important.
Howard said that he likes this new Metallica song. He asked Richard if he thinks that Lars is a good drummer. Richard said he is even though people rag on him these days. He said that he's getting older and he can't play as good as he could years ago. Richard said he has the same problem.
Howard said he has an autographed guitar from the band. Richard said that he would blow him for that. Howard said he has a book that was autographed by the whole band too. Richard said that he'd suck his balls for that. Howard asked if he'd let his girlfriend blow him for that instead. Richard won't let that happen. He said that she's not into metal like he is.
Howard said he heard that Brooke Hogan might be coming in soon. He said that he's obsessed with her reality show. He likes the chick who is living with her too. He said she's smokin hot. Howard said that he liked when she took the kid to his high school prom. That led to Howard talking about how he and Fred used to do that on the radio show. He said that they would take girls to their proms. He said that one girl got mad at him because he didn't bring her to the after party for the prom. Howard said the girl's mother yelled at him for not bringing her to that party.
Artie told a story about this kid he went to school with who had a bunch of quotes under his picture that were references to metal bands like... 'tallica, slayer, 666 number of the beast, kill 'em all, screw you kaddaffi... ''kill all poseurs'' and stuff like that. Then he had ''Thanks mom and dad'' under all of that.
Artie said that he should get that guy on the show. He said that he saved his life one time when he drank some angel dust tea. Howard said that he'd like to meet that guy.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Howard said that he didn't even see her in there because Richard was so big. She was hiding behind him.
Lisa mentioned how thin Beth has gotten and how she knows how it is when you're training for something. She said that she hopes that Beth doesn't get any thinner. The guys all thought she looked healthy. Lisa said she did too but she shouldn't get any thinner.
Howard said that he wanted to mention that he was signing a copy of Private Parts for someone and he was going through the pictures in the book. He said that he saw a picture of Sandy Taylor in there and they were playing ''Who's Smarter Than a 7th Grader'' and that made him think about this ''Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader'' creator and how he can't be serious that he's never heard him do that on his show. He said they did that Sandi Taylor thing back when they were doing the channel 9 show in the early 90s.
Howard said that Greg Fitzsimmons got the guy from the 5th Grader show on his show and the guy claimed that he was a big fan of Howard's but he didn't steal the idea from the show. Artie said he heard the interview and the guy came on and Greg played it very cool and didn't get confrontational. He said that Greg asked him about the idea and the guy claimed that it was a completely original idea. Artie said the guy claims he came up with the recipe for the show and the guy gets paid for the show when it airs around the world. Howard said that it was a dumb little idea he had years ago and it was so original when they'd do it. He said it was amazing and now they've ripped it off.
Howard said that elements of his show have ended up on a lot of shows. He said that this show has created so many good ideas that people just rip it off. He said that this 5th grader show was a direct rip off. Howard played some of the clips from Greg Fitzsimmons' show and said that you can see that picture on page 189 in Private Parts where they played the game with Sandi Taylor.
Greg was asking the guy about the show idea and he was saying that Howard claims that people ripped off a lot of stuff from his show but the 5th Grader show is an original one. Howard said that Jay Leno ripped off the Jay Walking bit from the show too. Artie said that if this guy on Greg's show is a real fan like he claims to be, then he would know that bit.
Greg asked the guy if he would appear on Howard's show. The guy said that he would have to check with his lawyers on that. Howard said that he would like to sue over that but when you go down that road it turns into a really long haul. He said that he did talk about that stuff with a lawyer and he was telling him that they can get off on a technicality as simple as doing it with a 5th grader and a 5th and a half grader.
Howard said he tries to let this stuff go but he just can't do it. His therapist wants him to let it go but he has a very hard time doing that. Howard said even his therapist had some of his stuff ripped off and he told him that he was complimented by that. Howard said he doesn't get that at all.
Howard said he asked his therapist if he got pissed at the guy at all. He didn't. Howard said that he doesn't need to have everything in the world but he does think he should have what's coming to him.
Howard said that the show Street Smarts is a good example of someone ripping off an idea from the show. He said that those people actually came to him and asked to go into business with him. He said that he turned it down but they still went out and used an idea from his show and created a show around it. He said that show is still out there making money.
Ralph called in and said that the Jay Walking thing is such a rip off of the show. Howard said that Jay claims that he got the idea for that bit from Steve Allen and not from his show.
Ralph was also saying that he's worried about his therapist telling him that he's okay with someone ripping him off. Howard said that his therapist won't let him out of his therapy because he's such an angry person. Howard said that he walks into those sessions with such anger that his therapist just won't let him cut down the number of days.
Ralph was asking Howard how he can't sue those 5th grader people. Howard said his agent talked him out of it. He said that Sal and Richard created ''Are You Smarter Than a Caribou?'' and played some of that. Robin said that she actually came up with the name for that bit. In the bit Sal and Richard had Gary the Retard on the phone playing this game against a Caribou. They kept telling Gary he was wrong and had the Caribou answering correctly. They kept telling Gary that he had to hit his buzzer but Gary said he didn't have a buzzer. Gary said that this was fuckin bullshit and ''fuck the caribou.'' Ralph said he just saw a preview for that show on FOX.
Lisa said that she spoke to George Takei about his wedding and has that in her news today. That led to Howard talking about how he saw Ellen Degeneres' wedding and it was the funniest thing. He said that Ellen is so the dude in that relationship. He said that she wasn't allowed to see her wife Portia De Rossi before the wedding and Portia has to be frustrated that Ellen doesn't have a cock. Howard said that it has to be driving Portia crazy.
Howard asked Lisa if she's ever tried lesbian sex. Lisa said that she has never come close to doing anything like that. She said that she has picked up on some stuff where women are interested in her but that's as far as it's ever gone.
Lisa said that Leonard Nimoy didn't show up to George Takei's wedding. They also still don't have a pre-nup. Howard said he knew it, George is a pussy. He said that there's no reason for Brad to sign one now that they're already married.
Lisa said that one of the male members on the show is watching his weight. The guys all guessed but didn't get it right. It's actually Gary. Howard said that he bought Gary a suit and he didn't even get it yet because he's so fat. Gary said that he got the suit and the guy told him that he'll just take it in if he loses weight.
Artie said that he has a special thing for his toast for Howard at the wedding. Howard said that Artie is great at doing toasts. Fred was going to do a toast but he thinks that Artie is the best one for that job.
Lisa said that she was getting kind of sad that she wasn't going to be at the wedding. Howard told her she's really not missing anything. Howard said that Artie and Ralph are both going to be doing toasts. He had Ralph on the phone again.
Ralph said that he's freaking out about the toast thing. He said he doesn't speak in front of people that much. Howard said he won't shut up on this show. Ralph asked if he could set up a phone line there. Artie said that he gets why Ralph is freaking out because there are going to be some people there that you don't want judging you.
Ralph claimed that this was his last call of the morning. Howard let him go and then let Lisa G go. Howard said she was very into her job and looking very news like today.
Howard told Gary he needs to have 3 meals a day and 2 snacks. Gary said that he knows that but it's not that easy. Howard told him he doesn't need to do a cleanse. Gary said he knows that and he just needs some self control.
Howard said that Gary has like 20 chins going now and he's a nice looking guy and he doesn't need all of that weigh ton him. Gary said that he lost weight one time and Howard told him that it wasn't worth it. He knows that's bullshit.
Sal came in and did something to Gary so Gary went after him and chased him out of his office. Howard said he really loves that Gary does that.
Gary came into the studio and told the guys what he's doing to cut some stuff out of his diet. That led to the guys talking about how big Jason has gotten lately. He's got a wedding coming up very soon too.
Howard asked Artie if he can swear on his life that he hasn't had any substances that could fuck him up. Artie said that he had some tequila at his house the day after his party. He said he took 3 sips of it and that was it. He said that's the only time he has slipped. He said that he swears on the life of his mother that it's true. He didn't tell his therapist that though.
Howard asked Artie what his therapist would have thought about his slip. Artie said that the guy is a real AA guy and he wouldn't have been happy about that.
Howard asked Artie if he's going to his therapist tomorrow. Artie said he is going but he has some stuff to do. He said that it's going to be kind of awkward tomorrow because people are going to tell him and it's just going to be weird.
Howard said that he had to get to this ''Howard Stern's Biggest Loser'' bit they were going to do. He said that they found three guys who are virgins and they're going to have Brian Dunkleman, Pete Best and Scott Salem as the judges. Will said that the contestants are Hanzi, Ass Napkin Ed and a 34 year old virgin. Howard wanted to change the name of the game to ''The Big Loser.'' They had to break before getting to the game.
Howard gave Pete another plug for his album and told him it sounds very good. Pete said that the whole band wrote the song that they were listening to. Pete said that he got back into music in 1988 after he was asked to do a one off show.
Pete said that it was Paul McCartney who brought him into the band. He said that he doesn't know who had it in for him and kicked him out of the band. Fred said he heard the rumor that Pete was very handsome back then and more handsome than Lennon or McCartney and they weren't happy about him getting the chicks. Pete said that he won't stand in the way if people want to believe that. Howard asked Pete if he was getting more pussy than those guys. Pete said he was getting his fair share.
Howard said that the judges have to pick a loser out of the contestants so they can get laid by this woman who is coming in from the Bunny Ranch.
Howard moved on to talk to Brian Dunkleman who left American Idol after the first season. Howard said that he told Brian that he shouldn't have left the show the way he did. Brian said that he can safely say that it was a bad idea to leave the show. Howard said that Ryan Seacrest has taken off with his career and maybe Brian could have had some of that if he had stayed on the show.
Brian is doing stand up comedy now and he said that he's doing okay with that. He said he hasn't run into Ryan since he left the show. He said that they don't run in the same circles and he doesn't see him at the pawn shop. Brian said that he would have rather have been fired than just leaving the show.
Howard said that Scott the Engineer is also going to be judging this contest. The guys saw a picture of the girl that the guys were going to be playing for and Pete said she was a ''five star'' chick. Howard gave Brian some plugs for his Myspace page. He also said that Scott the Engineer is sitting in today for Jackie the Joke Man who refused to be part of this show.
Howard said that Brooke Taylor is the woman the guys are going to be playing for today. He had her come in and spoke to her for a short time. Howard asked her if it was okay to call her a whore. She said that was fine but she'd prefer if he was pulling her hair and grabbing her ass when he said it. Brooke said that she does 2 or 3 guys a day out at the Bunny Ranch. She said that she saw the show they did for HBO, Cat House, and thought that was something she could do.
Howard asked Brooke if she's one of the better looking girls there at the Bunny Ranch. She said that she thinks she is very good looking. Howard asked her how many guys she had done before becoming a prostitute. She said that it was less than 10. She said that she never even really had a one night stand. Brooke said that she is able to get wet for the guys and doesn't really need lube.
Howard read that Brooke had a mother/daughter team come to her one time and they did stuff with her and with each other. Howard asked Pete and Brian if they ever had anything like that. Brooke said that the mother and daughter went down on each other and did all kinds of stuff like that. She said it was like being with twins but they had that age gap.
Howard said that there are three gentlemen coming in to play for her. He said that they're all dying to be with her. Howard introduced the judges to Brooke and ended up asking Brian if he has nightmares about leaving American Idol. Brian said he does every night.
Robin asked Brooke if she ever turns guys down at the bunny ranch. She said that she will if they're drunk or something like that. She said that she has turned down a handful of guys and it's usually because they don't have enough money.
Howard asked if it was true that Brooke has had sex with a father and son team. She said that is true. She said that the father usually has the money and he gets to go first. He said that the dad will usually get a drink while the son does his thing. Brooke said that it's very interesting that they do stuff like that. Howard asked Pete if he has any sons. Pete said he has a couple of daughters.
Howard read that Brooke has done some A-list celebrities over at the Bunny Ranch. She said that she doesn't talk about who they are. She said that they can come in the back entrance and don't have to be seen entering through the front.
Howard said that you can see Brooke on her web site TheBrookeTaylor.com
Howard had the 3 bachelors come in after that. They had Hanzi, Ass Napkin Ed and Michael the 34 year old virgin. Howard talked to Michael first and he said he was very nervous and wanted a cup of liquor. Howard introduced Brooke to all of the guys and had her show them her ass. Brooke said she didn't mind that at all.
Brian said that the biggest loser today was going to be Brooke. Howard said he wanted the guys to tell their full stories and the judges had to listen very carefully. Brian said that he thinks they have a front runner with ''Ass Napkin'' just based on his name tag.
Howard got back to Michael who said that he's never kissed a girl except on the cheek. He said that she was a friend of his at school. Michael said that he just fucks up a lot and he can't get laid. He has cataracts and glaucoma so his eyes are kind of fucked up. Artie said that he must be able to get free weed then.
Michael said that he was working in security for a while but he quit and he's out of work. He said that chicks don't want to talk to guys doing security. Howard said he seems completely normal except for the eye patch. Michael said they can call him the black Popeye.
Michael lives at home and his mother is always cleaning up his bed after he masturbates. He said that he does that when everyone is asleep. He said that he's a fan of Brooke's and watches her all the time on that TV show.
Howard asked Brooke if she could do this guy. She had no problem with him and said that she's done worse. Howard asked Michael what he would do to her. He said that he will do whatever she will allow him to do.
Howard read that Michael collects action figures and comic books. He said he even has a Jenna Jameson action figure. Michael said that he has one porno DVD that he watches and jerks off to. He said he jerks off to Martha Stewart's daughter too.
Robin asked Michael how he has SIRIUS. Michael said he doesn't have it but Hanzi told him how to get it online so he's going to go home and do that. Hanzi said that he told him about the online account.
Howard gave Pete and Brian plugs for their upcoming gigs and appearances. He moved on to Hanzi and Artie was laughing his ass off for some reason. Artie said that he looks like a little Pakistani cherub. Howard asked Hanzi about his life at home. He's 25 and still lives at home. Hanzi claims he hasn't had sex since 2006. Hanzi said that he got in trouble with that chick for talking about her pussy stinking. Hanzi said that he met the girl in 2004. He lost his virginity in 2003 with a stripper.
Hanzi said that he had a velour suit and told the stripper he was a rapper. He said that worked for him and she banged him. Artie told him to get a green velour suit and tell the stripper that he's a pool table. Artie was goofing on Hanzi the whole time and he was laughing his ass off at every answer he gave. Hanzi said that he had gone to school at some place that Artie thought was hilarious.
Howard said that Hanzi probably thought that things were turning around for him when he got laid. Hanzi said that he dated this girl in 2004 and she was willing to have sex with him. He said that her vagina smelled bad and he didn't have any desire to go down there. Artie said ''You stopped eating something?'' and said that he wanted him to follow him at every comedy club he goes to.
Hanzi said that the girl he was with wasn't heavy. He said she was okay looking. Hanzi said the girl cheated on him but he stayed with her because he didn't have much of a choice. Hanzi told Artie he was being extra asshole today. Artie apologized to him but said that he's a winner and continued to giggle at him.
Hanzi said that he went insane in high school. Artie gave him a ''Wah!'' and pissed Hanzi off. Hanzi was talking about how tough school was and that led to Artie saying that he was going to stick Hanzi in 3 lockers.
Howard asked Hanzi if Brooke is the kind of girl he fantasies about. Hanzi said that she's pretty hot. Hanzi said that he didn't have any desire to eat her out. Artie asked if she had any perfume that smells like a breakfast burrito.
Brooke said that she would show Hanzi how to give oral the right way. She showed him her vagina after that and told him that's what it's supposed to look like.
Howard moved on to Ass Napkin Ed who was wearing a Harley helmet this morning. He doesn't own a motorcycle but he likes their clothing. Howard asked Ed to explain why he has that name Ass Napkin. Ed said that he has a napkin shoved up his ass, that's why. He said that he's had accidents in his pants and that's why he shoves a napkin in there to keep from making a mess. Ed also has a bucket in his room to shit in. Ed said that he lives in a boarding house and he has to deal with other people in the bathrooms so that's why he uses the bucket.
Howard asked Ed about how he goes to the bathroom and how he affords the alcohol he drinks. Ed said that he gets SSI and he uses it to buy beer. Ed said that he fills up the buckets and then empties them eventually.
Ed said that he's been lighting candles to get rid of the smell. He said that he keeps the shit in the buckets for a couple of days at a time. Howard asked him why he doesn't just flush it when no one is in the bathroom. He said he's been caught a couple of times. He said that the other people tell him to get the fuck out of there when he dumps it in the toilet.
Ed said that the shit buckets aren't covered so he has two buckets going and he keeps them under his sink. Artie said that they should change his name to ''Shit Bucket Ed.'' Ed wasn't too happy about that.
Howard told Pete he should have stayed with the Beatles. He wouldn't be there this morning if he had. Artie said that Ringo is probably judging a Hawaiian Tropic contest right now.
Howard asked Ed if his room stinks to high heaven with the shit in there. Ed said that he has the candles going so it doesn't smell that bad. Howard told him the smell has to be really bad. Ed said the candles work. Ed kept saying he has to talk to Artie. He must have said that 5 times.
Howard said that Ed uses napkins to wipe and he leaves one in there to make sure his ass juices don't leak out. Howard asked him to show the judges his napkins. Ed didn't want to do it but Howard told him to just do it and get it out of the way. Ed showed the napkins and Howard said he saw them.
Pete asked him where he gets the candles from. Ed gets them at the Dollar Store. He said they're the big, fat candles. Brooke said that she would usually charge extra for someone like Ass Napkin Ed. Ed said that he'd remove them for Brooke. Brooke said that she'll introduce him to baby wipes.
Howard asked Ed when he last had sex with a woman. Ed said it was about 3 years ago. He said he had a girlfriend back then. He said he met her at a bar.
Howard said that Ed uses the bucket because he doesn't like going into the bathroom that everyone shares. There are about 10 people who share that bathroom. Howard asked if he ever goes in to shower. Ed said that there is no shower, it's just a bath. Howard said that maybe that's why his ass is such a mess. Ed said he showers every other day.
Howard said that Ed hears voice in his head. Ed said that's true and the voice he hears most of the time is Howard's. Artie asked Michael why his mother thinks that he pisses in his bed when he watches porn. Michael said that he did get caught one time when he left his door unlocked.
Howard went to the judges to find out who they were going to vote for. He said that Brooke was looking very good and asked to see her nude before he got the votes. Brooke got naked and showed the guys her body. Hanzi said that he wanted to bust a nut right there. Artie asked Brooke to describe to Hanzi what his dick looked like. Hanzi told Artie he hates him after he heard that. Michael told her she was the most beautiful woman he had seen.
Howard asked Pete for his vote after he gave him some plugs for his band and web site PeteBest.com. Pete said that he had tears in his eyes listening to Ass Napkin. He said that it was painful to hear all of that stuff he has to go through with his ass. Howard asked him if he gave a good look at Hanzi. Pete said that he did and Hanzi is a close second. Michael said that he will do anything to win and he would even get naked if he had to. Howard asked him if he would kiss Hanzi to win. Hanzi wanted nothing to do with that.
Howard moved on to Brian Dunkleman and gave him some plugs before getting his vote. Brian said that he wanted to thank them for having him in because he realizes that his life is amazing after hearing these stories. Brian said that Michael isn't a bad looking guy. He said he's got that Will Smith look with a touch of Down's. Brian said that he can't vote for Ass Napkin Ed and do that to Brooke. He said that he had to pick Michael.
Howard asked when Brian last got laid. Brian said it was yesterday. Pete said he got laid about 3 hours ago. Hanzi was saying that he'll probably be dead soon anyway so this didn't matter. Artie said that Hanzi really isn't a positive guy.
Artie was going to buy this chick for Hanzi if he doesn't win. Howard asked Brooke who she would pick if she had to. She said that she would probably pick Michael. Ed thought she was a vote but Howard had said that she wasn't a vote and he was just asking her a question.
Howard asked Scott who he was going to vote for. He gave him a plug for his son's band Emergency Now. Scott went on to say that he has to give his vote to Michael. Michael then got to hug Brooke. Howard asked if he could squeeze her boob. Michael said he had never done that before and it felt fantastic after he touched her.
Michael said that he was nervous as hell. Ed was asking her if she was going to let him do it in her butt. Michael said that it was up to her. Brooke said that she'd let them know.
Howard gave the guys some plugs and Ed asked for a plug for his site Oofah.net and a bunch of other plugs for some YouTube stuff and some people he had to thank. Howard thanked Brian Dunkleman for coming in and Brian said that he's going to look back on this day as the day his life turned around.
Artie was willing to buy this chick for Hanzi but he didn't want him to do that for him. Ed didn't want that either. Howard said that Ed seems to be worked up today too. Ed was all pissed that Brooke was saying that he would cost extra. She said that she just wanted to cover the cost of house keeping if he was with her. Ed said that he doesn't play that shit.
Richie Wilson came in and asked if Brooke wanted to ride the Sybian. She said that is great but she has some toys that are even better than that. She mentioned something called the monkey rocker.
Howard gave the losers $500 consolation prizes but Artie was laughing his ass off at the guys. Howard had to end it around then because things were a little out of control. Everyone was talking over everyone else.
Howard told Michael to tell his mother that he's finally going to get laid. Brooke told him not to jerk off for at least a week before he comes out to see her. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
After the break we heard a prank call the guys made using clips of Riley cursing out Shuli. Fred played some Led Zeppelin ''Dancing Days'' as they were coming back. Howard came back a short time later and asked Gary what was the matter. Gary said that he couldn't say.
Howard said that Mariann from Brooklyn is 50 today and she showed up there without being booked. they just don't have time for that.
Gary said that he found out that Ross did stop the cupcakes from coming today. He said that it was just for this week. Howard said that he doesn't care if it's just one week and he doesn't want Ross back there anymore. He said that Ross is getting revenge on them for doing that story about him taking a cherry off the top of a cupcake. He said that Ross doesn't fuck with their cupcakes and he's now banned from coming back there.
Gary said that Ross doesn't realize the uproar he caused this morning by stopping the cupcakes. Artie said that they've had them there for like 3 years every Wednesday and now they have none. Artie said that Ross had to have gotten mad and stayed mad to cancel that.
Gary said that Ross was saying that he did it tongue in cheek. Howard said that he'll give him tongue in cheek and he'll keep him out of their compound there now. Howard was saying that they are only going to say ''name we do not speak'' in there and outside it's still Ross. Ross is going to be at his wedding.
Gary said that Ross wanted to come in and explain what happened but he can't get in. Gary said he heard the video of him trying to get in was pretty funny. They have video of everything there and they can catch people doing stuff around here. At K-Rock they could never figure out where stuff went.
Howard said that ''Name We Do Not Speak'' or NWDNS could come in and explain himself if he wants. JD said that he was banging on the door by him. NWDNS came in and apologized about the cupcakes. He said that he did it. Howard asked him why he would do that and waste his time on something like that.
NWDNS said that he brought in the sponsor and yesterday he was on the phone with them and he suggested that they not send any this week. He said he was upset about the news story. NWDNS said that he was on the phone with Jason from Crumbs and he figured that maybe they could skip a week. He suggested that they just change it up one week and maybe bring some cookies or something. NWDNS said that he Jason wasn't ready to do some stuff and he made the suggestion that he wanted to make a point and not have the cupcakes there.
NWDNS said that he doesn't hang out back there and he walks to meetings and stuff through their area when he has to talk to Gary. He said that he also uses the bathroom back there but he doesn't make a habit of it. Howard said that he was revoking his privileges back there. NWDNS said that's fine and he's very sorry for what he did. Howard told him he can come back when the cupcakes are back.
Howard heard that NWDNS comes back there 3 times a day. NWDNS said that he doesn't just come back there for no reason. Gary said that it's not all business and he does come back to just hang once in a while. Gary doesn't have a problem with that though.
Artie said that he would be on Ross' side if he remembered what happened on that plane to Vegas a few years back. NWDNS didn't want to get into that.
Howard said that NWDNS didn't get them the cupcakes, the sponsor wanted to get on the air and that's why they got them. NWDNS said that wasn't quite true.
Howard started calling NWDNS Ross again and told him to get out of there with his tail between his legs. He told him to go back and yell at his dog or something.
Howard said that Alexis is 22 years old and she's in dental school. He asked her about her SAT scores and she said that they were 1200 but that's out of 2400. She said that she had a 3.4 GPA too.
Howard read that her father invented a vaginal cream called Vibrance. She said that it increases blood flow to the clitoris. She said that she got a tube of it and it helps women out with orgasms. She said that it's for people who can't orgasm very easily. She said she has no problem with that but her friends have tried it and it helps them out.
Howard asked Alexis if her father has ever examined her. She said that he has not. Howard asked her if she's into women. She said she'll kiss her friends but she doesn't rally go that way. Alexis said that she was on the Pussy Cat Dolls seconds season. She also said that she's in the Tempe 12 Calendar and got in a bunch of plugs for that.
Howard asked Artie what he thought of this girl. He asked her about her boyfriend and she was saying that he's like a Patrick Dempsey with muscles.
Howard said she's also got a song out. Alexis said that it's available at AlexisTunes.com. Howard played her song and she told Artie that it was all about him. Howard told her that she's a firecracker and there's no way she's going to be a dentist. He said she won't be happy doing that.
Howard wished Alexis luck with the career and the Miss Howard TV thing. That led to the guys goofing on Mike Gange. Mike pointed out that she claims to be a great burper. She said she can't do it at will but she let one rip a short time later.
Howard asked Alexis how many guys she's been with. She said it was too many to count but she was joking. She said that she hasn't even been with 22 guys. She said that she hasn't been with more then 5. She even counted her fingers when she told them it's not more than were on that hand. Howard let Alexis go a short time later.
Mariann said that she had this chess piece painted for Howard. Mariann said that she's giving everyone she loves a gift today and changing it up. Howard said that Mariann is looking really good for 50. Artie said he thought she was 18 when he saw her for the first time.
Artie said that today is the day that Mariann's husband is going to put his head in a blender. Will came in and said that she gave him $100 and a wedding card. He said that he doesn't even know her.
Steve said that Captain Janks was caught in a lie about an appearance he was supposed to make at a bar. Steve said they learned that Janks was the one trying to make the deal at a TV court show. Janks claimed it wasn't him.
Steve said that they also have a story about Richard and Sal making it to the home page of Gay.com for their CNN stunt.
Howard had Jon Hein come in next with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down his list and that led to the guys talking about the Biggest Loser contest for a couple of minutes.
Robin said that they're trying to get a show for the late Steve Irwin's 4 year old son. He was seen wrestling a small crocodile for a possible pilot shoot. Howard asked how the daughter's show is doing. Robin wasn't sure. Artie said that she's like a robot reciting her lines and he felt bad for her.
Robin talked about the shortest man in the world who is only 2'5'' tall. His name is Ping Ping. Artie asked if he's the one in that movie ''The Island of Dr. Moreau.'' Robin said she thinks that is who he is. Howard said that guy makes Mini Me (Verne Troyer) look like King Kong. They talked about Verne for a short time and brought up his sex tape.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Beth would ever do Playboy and if she's ever had that offer. He was wondering if Howard would have a problem with it too. Howard said that she was offered that chance before he even met her. He said that he might have a problem with her doing it though. He wasn't really sure if he would or not. He said it might be weird for his kids.
The caller asked Howard if Beth's boobs are real. Howard said ''Yeah!'' like the question was crazy. the guy said that they look really nice and too nice to be real. Artie said that some women do have nice breasts. It's rare though.
Howard said that Tyra Banks was saying on her show yesterday that you can get your breasts to stand up better if you put ice on them every day for a couple of weeks. Howard said he questions the logic of that. Robin said that doesn't make sense to her.
Robin read that social networking sites are more popular among younger kids than porn sites are. Howard went off on the people who spend time doing that stuff and said that's time people should be working. They spent a few minutes goofing on people who post blogs about everything in their lives. Howard pointed out that Gange does that stuff and goofed on him over that. He asked Gange how he has time for that stuff. He told Gange to lay down and read a book or something instead of blogging.
Gange said that his friends read that stuff and there are people who care about what he does. Howard read some of his blog and goofed on him. Gange was blogging about going to a farm and seeing cows and stuff like that. Gange wondered why he can't tell his friends about his life. Howard said that he has no life and it's not interesting. Howard read through it in his Gange impression and told him he was a fuckin asshole.
Artie sounded creeped out by some of the abbreviations he was using and an ''Ugh'' that was in there. Artie goofed on him too and told him ''You're a fag... LOL.'' Howard said that Gange complained about being exhausted in one part so he told him that's because he's about 900 pounds overweight.
Gange asked why it was that big of a deal to write about his life. Howard said it shows he has too much spare time. He said he's not interesting and he should become interesting by reading a book or something.
Gange said that he has blogs on HowardTV.com. Howard said that's fine because he's doing it for the show.
Doug Goodstein said that they had a video blog where Mike talks about a hike he went on. They played that real quick and Howard asked him how much work it takes to do that. Gange said that it's not that big of a deal and it only takes about a minute. He said he's not going to give it up either.
Robin said that Roger Ebert got into some trouble with another film critic at a film festival because he was tapping him on the shoulder trying to get him to move. Roger isn't able to speak anymore so he had to tap the guy to get his attention. The other guy ended up hitting him with something he had folded up in his hand. He eventually moved.
Robin read a story about a woman who was murdered and beaten so badly at a sex party that she had to be identified by dental records. Robin read a story about Brad Pitt's name being attached to computer searches and viruses.
Robin read a story about Mickey Mouse and Tom and Jerry being called satanic by some Saudi guy. They had to take a break around 10:35am. Howard just wanted to end the show but Fred said they had to do the commercial break. Howard went right into some live commercials he had to read. Robin got back to her news a short time later.
Robin read a story about the author of some Superman comics and his house that people are trying to save. Howard said he was asked to help out with that but he really doesn't care that much to help out. He said that his house should be a shrine if that guy's house is considered a shrine.
Robin read a story about video games and how there are games out there for just about anyone. Howard said that the games are so good now with the great graphics that people want to play them. Howard was still on the Superman house and asked why they don't just save every microphone he's ever used and every chair he's sat in to auction off some day. Robin said that they might do that just like they did with Elvis' house. Howard said that's stupid.
Artie said that he'd love to get a blow job from this broad. She said that she looks kind of like Whoopi Goldberg. Howard asked if she's really burnt out on crack. She said she doesn't do any crack. Howard said she can't possibly be with Eric without being on crack.
Howard asked her what she was wearing. She said she has sweat pants on and shorts underneath. She said that she hasn't been doing that many guys lately. Howard asked her to come in so he can meet her. She told Howard that she wouldn't fuck Eric either. She said she doesn't do that.
Eric got back on the phone and said that he'll bring her in next Wednesday. He said that he's done this a couple of times with her and he did cum on her face. Eric said that she rubbed his balls while she was sucking him off too. Artie sounded disgusted by that.
Howard asked Robin if she could blow Eric. Robin said she would rather die than do that. Eric said that he will come in with her next week. Howard let him go after that.
Robin read through some more news about some politics, the economy, plastics being linked to health problems and some other stuff.
Fred played Henry Hill's cough after the plastic story that Robin read. Artie said that they have to have Jeff Curro's sister down there because her cough is even worse than Henry's is. He said that Jeff told him that her nickname is ''Animal.''
Robin read some news about OJ Simpson and the trial he's on right now. She had some news about a skin legion being removed from President Bush's forehead. It was non-cancerous. Artie had Howard cracking up doing his impression of Jeff talking about his sister.
Robin had Howard play some audio of Kate Hudson talking about her new movie and that led to Howard and Artie goofing on her. Artie called her a cunt after hearing her attitude in the clip. She mentioned that she likes to go home to her family so Howard asked her what family that is and pointed out that she left her husband.
Howard asked Robin to finish up because he had run out of time. It was after 11 already. Robin quickly went through a few more stories and ended the news. Howard ended the show around 11:05am.
Will said that they came up with Hanzi and Ass Napkin Ed to play the game and he thinks that JD thought of that. They have different levels of losers on the show and they were on that lower end.
Gary wondered what Jackie would think of that segment if he heard it. Jackie backed out saying he would never be a part of a game like that. Will said that he thought Dunkleman was really good on the show today and finally admitted that leaving the show was a bad idea.
Gary said he hated Dunkleman when he first came in because he had such a swagger. He said that he really likes him a lot now that he's been on a couple of times.
Jon said that it must eat away at Pete Best that he was kicked out of the band. Gary said that it must be tough because he must have people reminding him about what happened every day. Gary said that Ringo was brought in because he was a known musician. They took off shortly after Ringo joined the band. Pete was there in the beginning though.
Will said that Pete went on to be a civil servant over in England after that. Gary said he really liked that song they played today and he never would have thought that he would. Will said that Pete had a picture of his face that they had ripped off of an album cover when he was kicked out of the band and he was going to show that today.
Jon and Gary talked about Brooke and how she was saying no to nothing today. Gary said that she was also attractive and seemed to be pretty with it.
Jon brought up Hanzi and how Artie was laughing at him constantly today. Gary said that someone said he looks like the owl in the Tootsie Roll commercials. Gary said that Hanzi sends him these really long e-mails and he goes on and on about nothing. Gary said that he understands how he has to time to send them now.
Gary said that Ass Napkin Ed was funny because he was dressed up like a Harley guy but he'll probably never own a Harley.
Jon asked Gary if he thought Michael was going to win today. Gary said he had a feeling he would because he was a virgin. Gary said he had no desire to shake anyone's hands there today. He said that he really didn't want to touch Ed after he talked about his shit buckets.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he was getting skeeved out by Ed today talking about his shit buckets. He said he's a truck driver and he's seen some nasty stuff and he's really grossed out by it. Gary said that he fist pumped Hanzi today and Robin shook some hands and they all ended up washing their hands with those Clorox wipes.
Will said that there were some smells coming from the guys but he's not sure which one it was. He said that Hanzi was sweating a lot so it could have been him.
Gary said that there are these portable commodes that Ed could get for his room instead of shitting in a bucket.
Another caller said that they have to have Ed on the show more often because he was cracking up hearing his stories. Gary said that his voice was funny and he did have some wild stories he told.
Jon asked why Artie would give Hanzi and Ed his phone number. Gary said he's not sure why he does that but he's done that a lot with people like Jeff the Drunk and he always wonders why he does that. Will said that Artie doesn't answer his phone anyway so it doesn't matter. Gary said that Artie said they may get some good voice mails from it.
A caller said that he thought Artie was on fire today and he loves that guy. He said he thinks that getting off the drugs has helped him out.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he had Pete Best's band come up and play in his club in Utica, New York last year. He said that the guy was miserable. The guy said that Pete wouldn't look anyone in the face and would just sign stuff and look away.
Jon played a clip of the winner being crowned in the contest today. Scott the Engineer was the deciding vote in that. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from Captain Cat Fucker who said that he thinks that he would have won the contest by a landslide if he had been in it. He said he's 25, a virgin, he whacks off like 5 times a day and still lives at home. Gary said that he also fucks cats. Gary said that he is on their list of people they could have in for something like that.
Captain Cat Fucker said that his mother put their cats to sleep the next week because she overheard him talking about what he did to them. Will said that they'll keep him in mind for future contests.
Jon brought up the cupcake story and brought up Ross Zapin. Gary said that he came in this morning and there were no cupcakes. He said that they really mean a lot to some people there and they were upset that they didn't have any this morning. He said he doesn't think Ross knows just how much they mean to people.
Gary said that the whole thing was like a fuck you to everyone there. Gary said that Ross was trying to get the cupcakes there today but it wasn't happening. They'll have them tomorrow morning. Gary said that Ross knows that he was out of line and his apology was sincere.
Jon played a clip from the show where Howard was talking to Ross about what he did. Gary said that he did kind of have Ross' back in that discussion even though he didn't think he did. Gary said that Ross comes back there for a lot of things and does spend some time talking business and some stuff that's not business.
Jon also brought up Mike Gange's blog. Gary said that he doesn't think that stuff is necessary because no one is going to read about it.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about the polygraph that Ralph is supposed to take. Gary said he's trying to get that worked out for next week. Jon asked if both Ralph and Artie are trying to get under each other's skin or something. Gary said that Ralph is trying to do that because of what Artie said about him stealing money.
Gange said that he was writing that stuff for the Howard TV web site and it was easy for him to just post it on his Facebook page and then have their web guy cut and paste it on their site. Gary continued to say it seemed like a waste of time to him. Gange continued to defend himself about the stuff he has on his blog.
Gange said that the Facebook thing is a way to stay in touch with friends without calling everyone individually. Gary said he gets that, he just doesn't get the subjects that he's writing about.
Sour Shoes called in sang a little bit for the guys. Gary said that Sour Shoes was out of control today calling him back in the office and doing that stuff.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked about the way Howard has been singling people out and tearing them to pieces. He wondered if that's because of his upcoming wedding. Gary said he doesn't think Howard is stressed out from that. Will said that it has to be stressing him out. Will said that Howard was so against marriage for the longest time and now he's going through with it. He said it has to be rough.
Another caller brought up the caller who asked about Beth doing Playboy. The caller thought that Howard was referring to his kids that he might be having with Beth in the future. Gary said he was talking about his current kids. The caller wasn't sure about that.
Jason came in a short time later so Gary asked him what he weighed after the weight loss challenge. Jason said he went from 271 to 235 and he's up around 280 now. Gary asked him what happened to his weight loss program he was doing for the wedding. Jason said he just doesn't care anymore and he gave up on it after a few days. He said that Gange shouldn't be pointing any fingers though.
Jason said that he's not stressing about the wedding but he is stressing about a million other things. Jason said he doesn't blame stuff on stress though. He said he knows that he just eats too much. Gary said that he's been eating a lot of chocolate lately and he can't seem to control himself either.
Jason said that he's not trying to make any excuses, he just eats too much because he likes good tasting food. Gary said that he hates the term ''comfort food'' but that's really what it is.
Jason said that he wants to get started on a diet again but he really can't get motivated. Gary said that you're supposed to be able to look back in 10 years at your wedding pictures to see how thin you were. Benjy Jason may be able to do that in 10 years if he keeps gaining weight.
Jason said that his fiancee tells him that she wants him around for a long time and wants him to eat healthy. She apparently doesn't bother him about it too much though. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show saying that he's tired of hearing about Gange and his blog. He said it's so feminine and he's just sick of hearing about it. Howard said they were talking about it on the Wrap Up Show yesterday and he just doesn't want to hear anymore about it. Gary had played him a clip from the show this morning and it set him off again.
Howard played the clip from the Wrap Up Show where Gange talked about the blog only being a waste of time of 5 minutes. Howard said that it wasn't only 5 minutes and it had to be much more. He said it takes more time to find a picture and for Gange to try and be witty.
Howard let the clip play on even though he said he was sick of it. He and Artie were goofing on Gange's comments the whole time.
Howard said that everything irritates him. said he was laying in bed last night waiting for Beth to get into bed while she was on a phone call. He said he was watching Sarah Palin being interviewed last night on Hannity and Colmes. He said that it's probably pretty much hopeless at this point and she'll be Vice President. Howard went on to say that he waited for Beth to get into bed and he was getting really irritated with her not being there.
Howard said that Beth had a gynecologist appointment yesterday and she wasn't in the best shape to bang. He said that she wanted to do it but she couldn't so he got overly upset about that and about watching Palin while America's got Talent was on. He said that everything set him off.
Howard said that he was irritated by the details of Smallville being revealed. He said he didn't want to know the details ahead of time. Howard said that every single thing sets him off these days. Howard said he didn't even want to read the review.
Howard said he read that Clark was going to get a job at the paper and he didn't want to know that stuff until he watched.
Gary came in and said that there was a guy on the Wrap Up Show who said that maybe Howard is stressed about the wedding. Howard said that he is kind of stressed but it's not because he doesn't want to get married or anything. He said there's something weird going on that he doesn't want to get into. He said that he's thinking it might be kind of dull if he goes down that road. It was a whole Bon Jovi thing. Gary said that is interesting.
Howard said that he invited Jon Bon Jovi to his wedding because he's kind of friendly with him and he's hung out with him quite a bit. He said that Jon would play for them at Club Bene when they'd go there and things like that.
Howard said that Jon was supposed to do something for them and Jon couldn't get into the building with his wife so Jon walked away. Howard said they went and interviewed Jon somewhere else for this special they're doing. Howard said that he also got a call from Jon saying that he won't be coming to his wedding and he's not sure if it had something to do with the interview they did with him or not.
Howard said that the whole thing is ridiculous and it was a major fuck up not to let Jon into the building that day. He said he tried to call Jon and let him know what a mistake it was and he's thinking that all may have upset Jon and scared him away.
Howard said that he thinks that the stuff he was asked in the interview may have upset him in some way and that's why Jon won't be coming to his wedding. He said maybe some of the stuff was just too much for him. Gary wondered if that would really keep him from going to the wedding.
Howard said that everything is upsetting him these days. Artie said that guys like Jon do make plans really far in advance so it is kind of strange that he'd back out of the wedding.
Howard said that things can get really whacked out when they try to do stuff with them off the air. He said that they're fine on the air.
Howard said he's done having friends because it's really too much work and he doesn't have the energy for it. Robin told him to stop with that.
Artie told Howard that if Jon is upset about something then he is at fault if he's not telling Howard what he's upset about. Howard said that he doesn't really spend all that much time with Jon and they just get together once in a while. Artie said that's not a small thing to back out of something he agreed to go to already. Robin said that something could have come up.
Howard said that he's also wondering what's going on with this country and the people we have to choose from for the election.
Howard said his daughter is in track and he went to see her doing her thing and it was really uplifting for him. He said that kind of stuff uplifts him. He said he never had anything like that himself.
Howard said that Robin was looking really good today. He said he was looking over her legs this morning when she came in. He told her the dress is really working for her. He told her that she's extra sexy lately with the new hair and the new look. He asked if she's still losing weight. Robin said that she is. She said she's going back to her birth weight.
Howard said there was a great tape at this web site called TotallyCrap.com where this guy falls asleep at a Mets game and the people there in the stadium are fucking with the guy. They put cups on his head and then put beers on his head balanced and it looks like a beer yarmulke. He said the camera cuts off at the end so he's not sure how it ends. Gary said a security guard comes and takes the stuff off. Artie said he heard about it but he didn't see it. Howard said you just type in ''Asleep at Mets'' in a google search and it will come up. He said they'll put a link to it up on his web site too.
Artie was talking about the Yankees being out of it for this season. He said that it's the first time in 11 years that they're out of it though. Gary was goofing on Artie a little bit so he got kind of upset about that. Howard said that Artie is really annoyed when Gary does that.
Gary came in and told Artie that he's spoiled after all of these years because he's not saying that they had an amazing run. Artie said that he's upset that they're not in the playoffs. He said he's enjoying being a Yankee fan. Gary said that Artie is a fair weather fan. Artie told Gary ''fuck you'' and told him that he's not a fair weather friend. He said that he has season tickets. Gary said that he didn't go to that many games this season though. Artie said that he's working now and he doesn't have the time.
Howard said that this argument is the greatest thing he's ever seen because Artie is so annoyed by Gary. Artie was goofing on the Mets and on Gary for being a fan of the team. Gary said that he has no reason to get so upset with another team that he doesn't care about. Artie said that everything irritates him just like Howard is irritated by everything.
Gary said that Artie calls every Mets fan gay and he just goofs on everyone. Artie said that he's getting older and everything annoys the shit out of him. Gary said he sure spends a lot of time talking about them for a team that he doesn't care about.
Howard asked Artie if he wishes that the Mets never existed. Artie said that he doesn't because he loves that you can throw a dart and see a year when the Mets sucked and the Yankees had a great season. Robin was asking Artie about the whole thing but he asked her why she's even talking.
Artie was complaining about the National League and how all of their games are boring. Gary argued with him about that and said that the American League isn't all that much more exciting.
Gary said that Artie comes in there and gets all assholeish when the Yankees make it into the Playoffs. He comes in wearing his Yankees jacket and big rock star sunglasses like he's on the team.
Howard said that he loves how passionate these guys get over this stuff. Howard said that Gary does get kind of excited about his team when they do well. Artie was pointing that out and saying that he comes in there jumping around like a little girl. Gary said that he doesn't do that. Gary said that if the Mets won the World Series 3 years in a row Artie would tell him to come back when they have 22.
Artie said that he knows that the Mets will never win 3 in a row but he'd shake Gary's hand and congratulate him if they did win three years in a row.
Howard said that Artie thinks that Yankee fans are cooler than the Mets fans. Gary said that's how they're treated when they're out there too. Howard said that you become a Met fan because the stadium was easier to get to from Long Island.
Howard played a new Baba Booey song parody that came from Kidd Chris. Chris is out of work so he apparently has a lot of spare time to create that stuff.
Howard said that he ran into Chris Russo yesterday and he was all fired up about his show. He has to do his show from the Fish Bowl studio there at SIRIUS. Howard said that he must be glad that he has people looking at him. He said that he'd kill himself if he had to do his show out there. Howard said that he wants to listen to Russo's show sometime so he was trying to find out when it airs. The guys told him it's on in the afternoons.
Gary came in and said that Russo is using all Bruce Springsteen songs as his bumpers on the show. He talked about some of the other stuff on the show that he likes. Howard asked Gary if he misses Russo's old partner Mike Francesa. Gary said that he didn't have any compassion so it was tough to talk to the guy and he likes Russo on his own. Howard kept saying Mike's last name in different ways. He said that he was doing that just to mess with the guy.
Howard played another Baba Booey song parody that came from Dan the Song Parody Man. He got a few laughs out of the guys with that.
Artie said that Howard is a perfect father and boyfriend because he watches all of that stuff that they like. Howard said that he ran into this kid that he knew from the time he was in sixth grade and he was able to sit down and talk to the kid about stuff that he watches on TV and stuff like that. He said that he would probably be good at being a father to a boy. Howard said that he can even talk to his daughter about stuff and will put guys down if she's talking crap about them.
Howard said that he could have been good with a son. Artie told him that maybe he'll have a grandson soon. Howard said he's not sure that will happen any time soon because his kids don't seem to be rushing to get married. He said that they may have figured out that it's not best to get married so young.
Howard said that he and Beth want nothing to do with kids. He said that he and Beth were talking about harvesting her eggs or something but they really want nothing to do with that. Robin said that they could harvest Beth's eggs to give to other people. She thinks that they should pass on those genes to someone.
Howard said that they should have harvested some of Robin's eggs. She said that she doesn't have anymore to harvest. She said she's gone through menopause and has no worries. She said that she doesn't trust it 100 percent and she would just jump if she got pregnant. That led to Fred doing his impression of Jim Florentine and talking about how he wants his Jim Jr.
Robin said that she wouldn't be able to get an abortion and she would have to have the baby if she did get pregnant. She said that she might jump and take herself and the baby out though.
The caller said that the first words out of the woman's mouth were ''Oh that asshole'' when he asked about Howard TV. She didn't know anything about the Howard TV service and told him that the porn they carry is On Demand stuff.
Doug Goodstein told Howard that the caller is right and RCN cable doesn't carry their service. He said he finds it hard to believe that a customer service rep would say that Howard is an asshole. Howard said he believes that though.
Howard said that on the Howard TV web site they have a Howard TV timeline. He said that it's really fun to click through that stuff.
The caller told Howard that he went down to see the Bob Levy fight on Saturday and he only went down to see Artie. He said that he went to the bar afterward at the bar they were at. He said that Artie actually showed up there and he went and asked Artie to shake his hand and take a picture with him. He said that Artie was an awesome guy. He thanked him for taking the picture with him and said he hopes that he can get his picture autographed.
Artie said he's glad that he went out to that bar that night. He went out to make up to Bob for not showing up to the fight. He said that the place was mobbed and most of the people were giving him water and telling him to stay healthy. He said that there were some who were giving him Jack and water but he wasn't tempted by it. He said he took some pictures and shook some hands for about a half hour or so.
Howard said that Brooke Hogan and Chevy Chase are both coming in. They also have Houston the porn star coming in and they'll find out what she's up to these days. He said it's pretty shocking what she's up to. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said that he thinks Brooke Hogan is almost there. He said that Chevy Chase is also going to be coming in soon. He said he saw some people calling in about how awesome the Sal and Richard making out video was. He took a call from one of those callers. The guy said that he almost dropped a free weight on his foot while he was thinking about it. He suggested that they put them in a cage and offer them $100,000 to fuck each other and see who would break first.
Howard said that they're one of the most viewed videos on YouTube right now. Howard said that a lot of people thought it was funny and weren't outraged by it like you'd think. The caller asked what Howard thinks about the cage thing. Howard said he thinks that Richard would overpower Sal and fuck him first. Artie said he thinks that Richard would win too.
Howard asked Sal and Richard if they would be up for something like that. Richard said that he takes grappling classes and he thinks he could take Sal down. Sal said he wouldn't be able to slip his dick in his ass because his ass is tight. They spent a minute talking about that as they waited for Brooke to come in.
Howard asked who watches her show and what kind of demographic it has. Brooke said that VH-1 has an older demographic and they thought that she was going to pull in the younger people. She said that they must be the older guys watching her show though.
Howard said that he and Beth watch the show together and they get annoyed that they're watching the show. He said that they're fascinated by it though. Howard said there was an episode recently where Brooke took this kid to his high school prom. He said that the kid wanted to kiss Brooke the whole night and he went in and kissed her and she started to giggle. Howard said that he wanted to fuck Brooke right there when he saw that. Brooke said she didn't know what to do at that point. Brooke said the kid grabbed the back of her head and head butted her so she didn't know what to do.
Howard told Brooke that her friend Ashley is really hot but she dresses down. Brooke said that they dress themselves and she likes to dress like that. Howard said that she must be trying not to outshine Brooke. Brooke said it's not like that though. She said that she grew up with Ashley and they were the quiet girls in school.
Howard asked Brooke who Ashley is dating. She said that she's kind of always single. She said that she's only 20 years old. Howard said that he would love to be banging both Brooke and her friend Ashley. Howard told Brooke that he's only 42. Brooke is 20 and she said she dated a guy who was 30. Howard said it was only a 12 year leap.
Howard said that it must be tough going through the divorce between her parents. Brooke said that she just can't agree with them on what's going on.
Howard asked Brooke about this guy that her mother was banging that she was in school with. Brooke said that she wasn't friends with the guy but he was in her school. Howard said that it has to be tough to see her mother banging a kid who was in school with her. Brooke said that she's very real and she hates bullshit so she doesn't like to hear them saying that they're in love and stuff.
Howard said that Brooke's mom is claiming that she didn't bang the guy and they were only friends. Brooke said that's not the story going around Clearwater though. She said that she hasn't spoken to her mother since they stopped shooting the TV show. Brooke said that she was on the show in the beginning but she stopped talking to her after that.
Robin asked Brooke what's going on with her mom now. Brooke said she doesn't know a lot of what's going on but she knows that her mom is still seeing that guy. Howard asked Brooke if she thinks that her mom should have chosen her over that kid. Brooke said that she thinks about that every day. She said she has all of this stuff going on in her life right now and her mother is spending all of this time with another kid. Brooke said she's trying to be an adult and her mother isn't.
Howard told Brooke that he could be her mother. Brooke said that would be a little scandalous. Brooke talked about her father and how he still thinks that she's a virgin. Howard said that she has a body like a Ferrari and she has to be using it. Brooke said that she's a believer in Glen, her roommate, and she ends up getting her heart broken all the time.
Howard asked Brooke about her father's girlfriend. Brooke said that people think she's a ''Brooke-alike'' but they really don't look anything alike when you see them in person. Howard said that it must be getting to her mother that he's dating too. Brooke said that she would like her mother to be more mature about the whole thing and drop the boy thing and just apologize to her. Brooke said that if they're still together when her mother is like 80 then she'll have to apologize to her.
Howard said that the sex must be good with her mother and that guy. Brooke said that she thinks that the guy just wants to be in the Hogan's life. She said she can see through people like water. She said that a 19 year old boy wouldn't usually be interested in a 48 year old woman. Brooke said that her mother tells her that ''she likes her Charlie.''
Artie said that the guy is getting a little famous so it must be exciting for him. Howard said that the guy was their pool boy and that's how they met. Brooke said that she doesn't know exactly what's going on with her father's relationship.
Howard said that Brooke's dad is much better for her TV show and it's nice when he steps in on that show. Brooke said that she had to ask her father to be there for her at one point because she was kind of on the rocks with that relationship too. She said that her father stepped up and was there for her unlike her mother.
Brooke said that she's in talks to do another season of her TV show and it's looking good right now. Robin said that it must be tough having the cameras around there all the time. She said that it's not that bad but it does bring things to the surface faster than it would without the cameras there.
Howard asked Brooke about her room mates not working and how they can have so much fun and not work. Brooke said the show was their work at the time and they do have jobs outside of the show. Ashley works at a clothing store and she strives to be normal. Brooke said that her other room mate is a choreographer so he's working outside of the TV show too.
Brooke said that she's not really dating right now and she's not having sex. Howard said she has to be getting laid. Brooke said that Howard can make her blush very easy. She said that she likes serious, long relationships. She claims that she doesn't masturbate either. She said that she won't say she never does but she didn't want to go there.
Howard asked Brooke who she thinks about when she does masturbate. She didn't want to talk about that. She told Howard to move along. She said that it is tough to do anything when the cameras were around. Brooke said that she and her father left their mics on all the time and the camera men would hear them going to the bathroom. Fred played some fart sounds as they were talking about that.
Howard asked Brooke about what she does when she has to go to make a doody. Brooke said that girls don't do that. She said that they can turn the mic packs off if they want to.
Howard said that Brooke was asked about Sarah Palin and she didn't know who she was. Brooke said that wasn't true, she was asked about something else that she didn't know. Howard asked her if she knows who is running in this election. She knew McCain and Obama. She didn't know who the current Vice President was. She said she knows she must sound like a dumb shit. She said that she might vote if she can do some research and find out more.
Artie showed Brooke a newspaper and asked if she had ever seen one of them. She said that she's sure there's a lot of stuff that Artie doesn't know about too. Artie said that he knows that Ashley works in a Lucky Brand jeans shop.
Howard asked Brooke about her boobs and if they're real or not. Brooke said that she would like to let Howard feel them and tell her if he can tell. She said she would let him feel them on the side but Howard said he didn't want to do that. Howard said he thinks they're real. Brooke said that they are real. Howard said her mother was real but Brooke said that's not right, she's actually enhanced.
Brooke said that she used to pin her boobs down because they were so big. She said that her aunt Chrissy had huge boobs so she must have gotten them from that side of the family. Howard asked if they sag at all. Brooke said that they don't sag and the nipples are nicely sized too. She said that she would think about doing Playboy too.
Howard asked Brooke if she would shave down for Playboy. Brooke wasn't sure. She said that she doesn't think she'd show that area. Howard said that they don't make the girls open it up down there.
Howard asked Brooke if guys are afraid to meet her father. She said that they are kind of intimidated. Howard asked her if her father knows when she first had sex. Brooke said that she doesn't tell anyone her personal business. She didn't even tell her parents when she had her first kiss. Howard asked Brooke if she would tell her parents when she has anal. She said that's an exit only for her.
Howard asked Brooke about her brother Nick who is in jail. She said that she has gone to visit him and she wouldn't put that on her TV show. She said that they're trying to respect the family of the guy who was injured in the accident. Brooke said that her brother was in solitary for 28 days when he first went in and even hard core guys can't handle that much time in there. Brooke said that she's heard some pretty scary stories from her brother.
Howard said that he was glad that Brooke came in to visit. She said she wanted to come in and visit a few months ago but Howard wasn't around. Howard said that her father told him that he could date her if he was single. Brooke didn't seem to be too put off by that.
Howard asked Brooke if she would let a guy spank her in bed. She thought for a second and said no. She said no to a few other things like pulling hair and stuff like that. Brooke said that a guy should respect a girl and not do that stuff.
High Pitch Eric called in as Hulk Hogan and told Brooke to tell Howard everything. She knew it wasn't him of course. She said that he sounded like Hulk Hogan from the Bronx. Howard told her it was High Pitch and High Pitch said ''Who's High Pitch, this is Hulk Hogan.'' Howard let him go after he said a quick hello in his normal voice.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him when he's going into witness protection because Hulk is going to be pissed. Howard said that Hulk wants to know all of this stuff so that's why he's asking about it. Howard said that Brooke has to be trying to get men because of the way she dresses. Brooke said that just because she dresses like that doesn't mean she's sexually active.
Another caller asked Brooke what kind of panties she had on. Brooke said that she just had on some old lady nude colored panties.
Artie asked Brooke if she knew who the republican and democrats were in the election. She got that right and said that she just doesn't know a lot of details.
Howard gave Brooke some plugs for her TV show that airs on Sunday nights on VH-1. He asked Brooke which stars she's met are cool. She said that most of the people she's met on the red carpet aren't all that nice. She said she likes Artie though. Howard told her to say hello to her parents when she sees them. Howard told her that he thinks her uncle Bubba was really into her. Brooke said that Bubba is the only friend of her father's who hasn't made a pass at her. She said that a lot of them have kind of made passes at her. She said that Macho Man Savage told her that he used to baby sit her and it came out kind of strange when he said it. Howard had to wrap up and go to break a short time later.
Howard said that this was the first time Chevy had ever come in the studio. Chevy asked him to kiss him. Howard asked him if he's ever had any gay experiences. Chevy jokingly said he's had several. Howard asked Chevy about his time on Saturday night live in the early years. Chevy said that his goal wasn't to be famous, it was to be rich and famous.
Howard asked Chevy if he ever thought it would work out the way it did. Chevy said he didn't imagine it would. He said that he wanted to do some writing and he did a lot of that. Howard asked him how he got in the business. Chevy said that he played with a band that later went on to become Steely Dan. He was a drummer in the band.
Howard asked Chevy if he grew up in a rich family. Chevy said it was upper middle class and it was a long story. He said that his mother came from a rich family but her father left her nothing. He said that she grew up wealthy.
Howard asked Chevy if he liked his father. Chevy said he loved his father. He said that his father and mother divorced when he was 4. He got remarried and so did his mother. Howard asked if that was weird for him. Chevy said he never saw his mother sleeping with the guy she married, he did see her sleeping on him.
Howard asked Chevy about his step-father and he said that there was some abuse there and he actually stood up to him. Chevy said that he actually went up to him and blew him. That got Artie laughing. Chevy said that helped keep the heat off his mother. Howard said he was joking about that but there really was abuse going on there. Chevy said that the way he remembers it, it was a little abusive. Howard thought the blowing thing would be a great distraction. Chevy said he didn't want to get slapped around so he blew the guy.
Howard asked Chevy about the National Lampoon albums and how he got to be part of that. Chevy said that he had some people from the Lampoon come to him and ask him to be part of it. He was writing in New York and he was getting a reputation for being a good writer. He said he was writing for MAD Magazine and had a good reputation for that.
Howard asked Chevy if he was making good money doing that. Chevy said he was making Writer's guild type money so he was doing okay. He also wrote for Alan King. Chevy said they were trying to pull in some 18-20 year olds and they brought him in to write some stuff for that.
Howard said that MAD Magazine was the pinnacle of the time back then. He said that he has a cover of MAD magazine where he's on the cover and it's one of the only things he has hanging in his office. Chevy said that they were offering good money at MAD magazine. He said that's why he went there.
Howard asked Chevy about being locked in a closet as a kid. Chevy said that he was a bad kid and he must have deserved to be in there. Howard asked him if he would ever do that to his kids. Chevy said he would never do that but then joked that he had the key to the closet in his pocket and forgot to let his kids out.
Howard said that it must have had a profound effect on him to be locked in a closet. Chevy said that his step-father was a humorless guy who had seen a lot of blood and guts in the second world war and he was physically abusive and violent. Chevy said that the time he was locked in the closet he was probably 14 years old or so. Chevy said that he did think about the guy later on and wondered how he had the right to do that when he wasn't his real father.
Chevy said that he had been suspended from school at the time and that's why he was locked up. He had pulled a knife on a guy in school because the kid had been beating him up. Chevy said that those types of things were disrupting his father's view of a regular family.
Chevy said that his father raised him and his brother in the best way he could. He said that his father was the funniest man who ever lived and he tried to do the best he could but he never told his father about what his step-father was doing to him.
Chevy said that his mother would come in and slap him to wake him up while he slept. Howard asked what that was about. He said that he thinks that she had some kind of disorder. She would never talk about doing it.
Chevy said that he was an immature kid and he didn't really know why he was being treated the way he was. He said that he didn't think rationally back then and didn't know how to put things together to talk about it.
Howard asked Chevy if he ever got overly angry on the set of movies and stuff because of the way he was raised. Chevy said he never got overly angry on the set. He said he knew that it was wrong to act that way.
Howard asked Chevy about getting into a fight with Bill Murray on the set of Saturday Night Live. Chevy said that he didn't know Bill that well but he went to host the show in 1978 or so, after he had left, and he and Bill had a bit of a disagreement.
Chevy said that he heard from Lorne that John Belushi had been kind of jealous of his rise to fame. He said that was probably deserved because John was so brilliant. Howard said that Chevy had become the face of SNL at the time. Chevy said that Bill had been told some stuff about him that wasn't true and that probably worked Bill up before he got there. He thinks that Bill may have wanted to knock him down a few rungs at the time. He said that some words were said right before the show and Bill got him really pissed off. He said that he couldn't repeat what he said to him though.
Howard asked Chevy to share that stuff but Chevy didn't want to say what Bill had said to him. Chevy said that he saw John Belushi sitting there in Bill's dressing room and he saw that look on his face like he was the instigator. He said that John rushed to the door to block off what was going to happen. He ended up getting punched when they started to get into it.
Chevy said that he and Bill were never all that close but they have hung out and played golf together. He said that they do get together for stuff like that. They've also tried to put all of that other stuff behind them.
Howard asked Chevy about doing Caddyshack and what he got paid to do that. Chevy said it was about a week's worth of work and they paid him something like 800 grand. Howard said that was when 800 grand was 800 grand too.
Artie said that knowing the story about Bill and Chevy makes that Caddyshack movie even more interesting. They improvised a scene together. Chevy said that he and Bill didn't have a scene together so they made one up and improvised it. Chevy talked about that scene and how it worked out. Artie liked hearing that story too.
Howard said that it must have been hard to tune in to see Bill Murray replace him. Chevy said he never watched it after he left. He said that he would watch some of the stuff over time though. He said that they were doing some funny stuff.
Howard said he thinks it's a miracle that Chevy was able to have a lasting marriage with Janie. He said that he was a young, funny guy in Hollywood and he can't imagine the stories his penis could tell. Chevy said that he could make it talk to him but the studio was a little too small.
Howard asked Chevy if he had ever met Artie. Chevy introduced himself to Artie. Chevy didn't remember working with him on Dirty Work. Artie reminded him so Chevy remembered it then. Artie said he worked with Chevy for a whole weekend on that movie. Chevy said that they edited out a bunch of stuff from the movie and he really wanted to do it. Artie told Howard about this one scene that they shot but didn't put in the movie. Artie said that they were getting back at some guys who beat them up and they sent them some donuts. When they finished the donuts the jocks saw that the donuts were on his and Norm's cocks. They shot that but it didn't make it into the movie.
Chevy was saying that they should have made that movie R instead of PG-13. He said that the movie ''Vacation'' was rated R and it did very well even with that R rating. Chevy said that the companies that put the movies out are the people making those decisions and they will cut out lines based on who they think they're going to offend.
Howard asked Chevy if he's still close with anyone from SNL these days. Chevy said that he's still close with Dan Aykroyd. He said that he was close to Gilda Radner too. Howard said that he thought that he wasn't friendly with many of the cast at all for some reason. Chevy said that he thinks that they would all say that they were very close back when they first started out. He said that he didn't take himself that serious back then. He said that stuff came on later in his career.
Chevy said that they were very close in that first year there and he couldn't imagine that anyone had any negative stories about him back then. He said that he was the head writer there and he would write people into the scenes if they didn't have other scenes in the show.
Chevy talked about writing the Land Shark bit and said that he was good at doing the voice for that. He said that he came up with that bit all alone and he thought it was great to have the shark talking. Chevy said that he still has that original script that he type up in his house somewhere.
Howard asked Chevy about doing the movie Foul Play and if he and Goldie became lovers. Chevy said that they actually did fall for each other back then. Howard said that she was the hottest chick back then. Chevy said that she's still a lovely woman to this day.
Chevy said that he had the choice to do either Animal House or Foul Play and he chose to do Foul Play and work with Goldie Hawn instead of working with John Belushi again. He said he'd rather work with Goldie of course. Howard said that there was no sexier woman than Goldie Hawn back then.
Howard asked Chevy if he could last a long time with Goldie. Chevy said he never said he entered her. He said that he and Goldie are still friends to this day. He said that he and Goldie just grew apart back then. He said there was no problem that way. He didn't want to be with just one person back then and he thinks that Goldie didn't want to be in a relationship like that either.
Artie talked about the great films that were out back then in the 70s and how it was a great time for entertainment. Howard said they still watch those films to this day. Artie said that the frustrating part of Dirty Work was the way they did things even after Chevy tried talking to Norm about keeping it rated R. They released it against some huge movies and it just got lost.
Howard gave Chevy some plugs for his charity and had him explain what it was all about. Chevy said that they're trying to get schools turned ''green'' for kids so they can get toxic chemicals and stuff out of the schools. He said that Janie is working on that stuff and they're already working to change the schools in San Francisco. They just need some money to keep the charity going.
Chevy told Howard that he's very glad that they've become good friends. He said that people might not know what a great guy he is off the air. He said that they probably call him an ass fuck and things like that when he's on the air but he's a great guy off the air. Howard told Chevy he's glad that they became friends too because he's such a great guy.
Howard said that one of the things they're auctioning off is the chance to come in and hang out in the studio. They did that last year and they beat the bids to hang out with Bill Clinton. Howard said they also have a day on the set of Iron Man 2 with Robert Downey Jr. Howard said that's a great one to bid on.
Chevy said that he and Robert are friendly and he thinks that he might be one of the best actors out there. He said that when he did Chaplain he was brilliant. He said that the only thing that has impaired him is himself. He said that he shouldn't even bring that up because that's his private business.
Howard read some of the other stuff they were auctioning off. One of them was the chance to play pool against Chevy. Artie said that he and Chevy played 3 hours of pool together back when they shot Dirty Work. Chevy didn't remember if he won or not. Artie said he won big.
Howard asked Chevy if he ever thinks of Goldie when he masturbates, pulling her name out of his rolodex. Chevy said that when he does that he actually goes through his actual rolodex and looks at the names in there.
Howard asked Chevy if he and Janie are still having sex a lot. He asked if they do it more than two times a week. Chevy said that it's probably 15 times a week. He wasn't giving straight answers and joked about a lot of that stuff.
Howard read through some of the other auction items and joked that one of them was a BJ from Chevy dressed as Land Shark. Chevy said that those teeth would be kind of rough.
Chevy said that you can see all of these things at CharityBuzz.com.
Chevy told Howard that he should have Steve Martin on the show. Howard said that he's had the pleasure of going out to dinner with him a couple of times. He and Chevy talked about how conservative Steve actually is and how he probably would never do the show. Howard asked Chevy about working with him on the Three Amigos movie. Chevy said they laughed a lot together on that movie shoot.
Howard said that the person who wins the auction to get in the studio will get to choose the date that they come in and the guest they want to meet. Howard got in another plug for CharityBuzz.com.
Howard said that he read that Chevy was upset about the choice of Sarah Palin. Chevy said that he probably shouldn't have come out with that during this auction thing because he can lose people because of his political views.
Artie asked Chevy another question as they were wrapping up. He asked him about this guy Doug Kenney who wrote Animal House and another movie and played a part in the movie. Artie asked if the guy killed himself. Chevy said that he heard that he had gotten on a boat and went out to the edge of this grand canyon type of place and fell about 50 feet onto rocks. He said he thought that it was a suicide at one point but later figured it was just an accident.
Howard asked Chevy to say hi to Janie and Chevy told him to say hi to Beth. Howard apologized to him for the nonsense they went through years ago. Chevy said that's behind them now and they have moved on. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said that he knows how Chevy got into the SNL thing but they'll save all of that for next time. Artie thought it was one of the coolest interviews. He said that Chevy created SNL and he's an amazing guy.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that was a great interview and Howard was able to pull stuff out of him that no one else can. Artie said he learned some new stuff about him today. Howard said that they will have Chevy back in sometime and get into more of that stuff.
Howard said that he heard that Houston is suffering from something really bad. He told everyone about Houston taking this kid Brad to his prom and how she dated him for a short time.
Houston said that it was good to see them today. She said that she was diagnosed in April with skin cancer. Howard said that she was always tanning. She said that was true. Houston said she was a huge sun worshiper and she over did it. Houston said that she wanted to let people know how dangerous it is and she's not even sure where it came from. She said that she has stage 3 melanoma in her lymph nodes. She said that diagnosis was back in April.
Houston said that she's been recovering for a while now and just stoped an IV drug on Friday. She said that she was taking this Interferon stuff and she's not sure if she's cured or not. She said she has to remain positive and think that she is though.
Houston talked about what she did after the porn career. She said she went into the real estate business and got fired after 2 years when someone figured out who he was. She said she was making good money and supporting her daughter. She said that her daughter is 15 now. Houston said that her daughter hasn't seen her films and she just wants them to go away.
Howard asked Houston if her daughter's friends have tried to come on to her and bang her. Houston laughed at that. She said that none of her young boys have come on to her. Houston said that she moved to Las Vegas and it was the best thing that ever happened to her. She started to golf and had that new job and was doing great. She said that she kept a low profile and everyone was very accepting of her.
Houston said that her lips were enlarged many moons ago but they haven't gone down. She said that they did this technique that made them last.
Howard asked when she last appeared in a porno. Houston said that she was shooting stuff for her web site HotHouston.com. She said that she shot them a long time ago but she's still putting them up on the site. She stopped about 4 years ago.
Houston said that she has a boyfriend now and she is making love to him. Howard played a clip from one of her old porn movies but asked her if that was from a porn or from her chemotherapy. She said that it could be from the chemo.
Howard asked Houston about who turned her in at her job. She said that it was someone there who told her boss about it and then she lost her job and her health insurance. She said that she was diagnosed with cancer a month later and she's been wiped out financially. She said that she has health insurance but she has to pay for it herself. She said that it's around $800 a month and the recovery is going to be a 10 year thing.
Howard said that Houston is avoiding the sun now. Houston said that she is doing that and she feels much softer since she got out of the sun.
Howard took some more calls and let some people ask her about her tanning. Houston said that she was tanning all the time in the sun and in tanning booths. She was even doing tanning right before she would do shows at strip clubs and stuff. She thought she looked much better after tanning. She said that now she's paying the price for all of that tanning.
Houston's mother has moved in with her to help out during this cancer battle. She said that she was taking this Interferon 5 times a week and it was rough. Howard asked Houston what the doctors are saying. She said that she was given a year. She said that she had a lump under her left armpit and that's when they discovered it. She said that they missed it at the time and told her it was benign and it wasn't. She said that she got a second opinion and found out she had been misdiagnosed.
Houston said that now that she has gone through the Interferon she has a longer outlook. She said that she gets very sick after taking the stuff though and it's really rough. She said that it's the only drug that has had any results.
Houston said that she's been given a 60 percent survival rate if she keeps up these treatments. She said that the cancer could spread to her organs next and that's what they're afraid of. Houston said that she has to focus on her boyfriend because he's a cancer survivor. She said that she has quit smoking and has become religious.
Howard asked Houston if she regrets the porn career. Houston said that the business has changed and they don't have the big star that they used to. There are just so many girls and they're doing triple anal on their second movies. Artie said that is so true.
Howard asked Houston if she regrets what she did now that she has a 15 year old. Houston said she does kind of for her daughter but not for herself. She said that she got to have a lot of fun doing what she did over the years. She said that she got to see Howard's penis and that was one of the highlights of her career. Howard said that he was just a kid back then and he's grown since then. She said that Howard was nice and it was a beautiful thing she saw there.
Howard said that his penis was very non-threatening. Houston said that his penis was pretty. Artie asked if she would fluff him up and measure his since he wasn't there at the time. Houston said that Howard was a little over 6 inches from what she remembers.
Howard asked Houston if the business was as horrible as he thinks it is. Houston said that there were some really horrible times doing some stuff. She said that she did have some fun having sex with some of the guys but not all of them.
Houston said she had a blast doing the world's biggest gang bang movie she shot. She said that she dug it back then.
Artie asked Houston if she regrets her career for her daughter. He must not have been listening 5 minutes ago because she said she did.
Houston said that she has done a lot of stuff in her career and she has decided that it's time to write her autobiography. She said that she actually fucked Michael Bay and he had a huge penis. That's the kind of stuff she will write about in her book.
Howard gave Houston some more plugs for her web sites and asked people to help her out. Howard wrapped up a short time later and wished her luck with her cancer fight. She said that things are going to be okay and it's all good. Howard also said that people shouldn't be sun worshipers. Houston agreed. They went to break after that.
Robin said that Gary was asking of they're going to work together long enough that some of them will die. Howard said ''absolutely not.''
Howard got Mike Walker on the phone so he could play his game. He talked Mike up a bit and gave him a plug for his book ''Get Real!: The Untold Story: Sexy, Scary, Scandalous World of Reality TV!.''
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes: Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Jeff was on the phone so Howard asked him how he won. Jeff had the audio clip and played the clip for Howard. The show hosts told him what he could win and asked him an easy question about pizza. Jeff got that one wrong. He thought it was cheese based on what they told him. Jeff ended up cursing so they had to warn him about that. Then they gave him a second shot and gave him a question about the Luxor hotel. Jeff got that one right and won the trip to New York City.
Howard said that you'd have to be retarded not to get that right. He said that there used to be a game show on the air with Wink Martindale and the questions were really easy. It was Tic Tac Dough. Howard asked Jeff how he didn't get that pizza question. Jeff said he doesn't know. He said that it's different when you're on the air.
Howard said that Jeff won this trip to New York so that means he'll probably be coming to visit them. Howard asked Jeff if he's going to bring his sister ''animal'' with him. Jeff said he doesn't think so. Howard asked why her name is animal. Jeff said that was her nickname in high school but he's not sure how she got it. Howard said that's a pretty horrible nickname.
Artie said that his sister is a very sweet person and he should stop calling her by that nickname. Jeff said that she likes it. Howard said he'd like to know why they call her animal. Artie said that he might not want to go down that road.
Artie said that you see Jeff and you can only think about how filthy his ass must be with one dead arm and one broken arm. Jeff said that Artie isn't right about that. Artie said that he was too close to his food in the green room and he wasn't able to eat anything because he was there. Jeff said he didn't touch the food. Artie said he was close enough that it turned him off to it.
Artie said that Jeff was wearing some pants at this appearance he was at and they were purple. It turns out they're his father's old pants and they're at least 10 years old. Artie said that he goofed on Jeff about the pants at the gig and said he didn't know his father was a fag. Jeff told him his father was a fag too.
Howard said that they should start calling Jeff ''Creature'' so he has a nickname like his sister does. Artie said that Jeff got hit in the face with a pack of cigarettes and it bounced off his nose. Artie said that he doesn't like when people do that stuff but it was kind of funny the way it bounced off his nose.
Artie said that Jeff knew about this bar in the city that was open all night and he asked him how he knew that. He said that Jeff rattled off the directions to the place like he counted them all off. Jeff said he didn't remember doing that.
Howard let Jeff go and had Steve get back to his report. Steve said they have a report about Captain Janks being mad at them for their report about his problems with some club owners lately. Janks is seeking revenge on them.
Jon Hein came in and went through his list of subjects they were going to be covering today. They ended up talking about Jeff the Drunk again and goofed on him for a short time.
Mutt from Superfan Roundtable was on the line to talk about what they had coming up tonight. Mutt said they're going to talk about a bunch of things that went on this week on the show. Check out the show tonight at 7 on Howard 101.
Howard spent a short time on Jeff and Artie was saying that Jeff should move on already and get over his father and get rid of those pants.
Robin got into her news after Fred played another song parody about her. She started off with a story about the commuter train crash out in California and how texting could have caused the crash. They've done some studies and say that people are texting while they drive. Artie admitted that he's doing that now. Howard said that he saw a guy reading a newspaper in his car the other day.
Howard told Artie to just wait until he gets to his destination. Artie said that he feels he has to text back something witty when he's doing it and he's doing that while he's driving. He said he just doesn't want to talk to anyone and that's why he does the text.
Robin said that the reaction times for people when they text are worse than when they drink or smoke weed. Artie got a laugh out of that. Howard said that he was told in school that smoking pot wasn't bad for driving. He said that's just not true though. Robin said that Howard drove her home one time when he was high on pot and he was looking backwards as he was driving forward because he was looking for cops. Howard said that he and Robin went to a party and they got high there and drove home like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this week's shows were great. He said that he liked the Brooke interview and the Chevy Chase interview. He also said it was his own birthday today but Howard missed that.
Robin got back to her news and read some stuff about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's latest charity donations. Howard said he admires them for doing that and adopting those kids they adopted. He said that they may have too many kids though because it looks like a summer camp when they're running around with all of them.
They were also talking about the Paul Newman salad dressing and how he does that for charity. That led to the guys talking about how Angelina and Brad could bring out their own line of stuff to make money for their charity. They suggested a douche for Angelina or something. Artie said that they could call it the Grillo Douche and started to do his impression of Grillo and Tracy the office manager yelling at each other and Tracy calling him a douche. Fred played the audio clip of their fight where Tracy called him a douche and yelled at him for about 5 minutes. Artie started laughing his ass off when he heard Tracy calling Grillo a ''fucking douche.'' He said that he's had women ream his ass out but not like she did to Grillo.
Howard played a prank call the guys made using clips of Grillo talking to Tracy. The woman on the line had no idea who it was or what he was talking about. Artie was laughing his ass off at that one and ended up sweating from laughing so hard.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about some autistic kids in school that were being encouraged to wrestle each other. Howard ended up doing his retarded person impression talking about that. Robin said that they claim that the teachers knew what was going on with that. That led to Howard doing his impression of 'Gina Man that they used to have on the show. He had Artie cracking up and saying that this was the most immature newscast ever.
Robin read a story about Ryan O'Neal and his son being arrested on drug charges. Artie said he saw the pictures of those guys and they look like they might be on crystal meth. He said that that's a really dark thing to do with your son too. He said he was really depressed after reading that story.
Robin read that Jessica Simpson's country album is debuting at number one. She had some clips of her music that Howard played through quickly. Howard also played some Johnny Rebel in the middle of that. Howard played one clip and Fred threw in some dog barking sounds that made Artie laugh his ass off again. He sounded like he was choking on phlegm from laughing so hard. Howard played another racist country song after that.
Robin read a story about some parents who are being arrested for not sending their kids to school. Artie threw in another Tracy ''douche'' comment and that led to Howard saying that she should be a judge on TV. Artie said that would be a great Howard TV original show. They spent a minute on that coming up with some ideas on how that might go.
Robin read a story about an 18 year old who raped a 4 year old boy while they were out playing together. Howard and Artie were goofing around talking about that story a bit. Howard said they should really just kill that pedophile. He said he's 18 years old and he won't change so just get rid of him.
Robin read some news about Sarah Palin and had Howard play some audio clips of her talking about some stuff. That led to the guys talking about how sexy Palin seems to be and said that might be why guys are treating her so well. Howard made some masturbating sounds as he was listening to her speak in the audio clips.
Howard played some audio of 'Gina Man during the news. Robin read through some more news about Sarah Palin's e-mail account getting hacked. They took some of that mail and made it public.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked when the Biggest Loser segment is going to be on Howard TV. Doug said that it will be up tonight. The caller said that the Chevy Chase interview was great today. Howard thanked him for that.
Howard did more of his 'Gina Man impression before Robin got back to her news. She talked about the stock market being up and down. She went back to the Ryan O'Neal story and had Howard play some audio clips of the cops talking about the case. They said it was felony possession of narcotics and the son had violated probation.
Robin had some news about a pig farm that was found to be abusing the pigs. She had some news about the attack on the U.S. Embassy in Yemin. She had some audio of a guy talking about the vicious attack. She also had President Bush talking about how this is a reminder for the country and how there are people who still want to attack this country.
Robin had some audio clips of a woman talking about some list of best dressed women in show business. She went through that and talked about some of the other people who were on the list. That led to the guys talking about Jackie Onasis because of what a woman had said in one of the audio clips. That got Howard doing his Ted Kennedy impression for a short time. Fred and Artie got in on the impression as well.
Robin read a story about Samuel L. Jackson's new movie ''Lakeview Terrace.'' Artie kept interrupting her with his Kennedy impression. Howard asked him to let Robin get through this news. Robin read through a few more stories about some new movies that are coming out. There were some more audio clips of various stars talking about their movies. They ended the show a short time later, around 10:55am.
Jon asked Gary if he thought he'd fare as a guest as good as he did. Gary said that he knew he'd be a good guest based on what they had done with him in the past. Gary said that Howard and Chevy have a comfort level together now and they get along very well.
Jon said that he didn't think that Chevy got along very well with people at SNL from what he had read. Gary said he had read some stuff to and everyone has a different story. He said that Chevy saw it the way he saw it though.
Jon said that Howard seemed to find it fascinating that Chevy had spent so much time at MAD magazine. Gary said that he used to save his MAD magazines because it was a big deal back then. He said that he, Howard and Fred all have that bond with the magazine.
Jon said that Chevy was the SNL head writer but he ended up doing the news and that made him very famous. Jon said that he enjoyed when he talked about the Land Shark sketch that he did on SNL. Jon played a little audio from that part of the interview. He really enjoyed that story because it was a classic sketch that they did on the show.
Gary said that he had gone in to talk to Chevy before the interview and told him that Artie was in the studio. He didn't spoil the whole Dirty Work story for Artie so he kept his mouth shut and went in and told Howard that Chevy didn't have a clue who Artie was. Gary said that there are a few people who didn't remember working with Artie on movies. Leah Remini didn't remember that he was in a movie with her. She thought he was making up the story the day he said that he was in the same movie with her.
Jon took a call from a guy who said the show was unbelievable today with Chevy and all of the other stuff. Gary said that the interview was pretty major for people of a certain age who grew up with him. Gary said that Chevy could make a Vacation movie tomorrow because they were so popular.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he was waiting for Howard to ask Chevy about Beverly D'Angelo. He said that was a pretty big story right there. Gary said that there's a lot more to talk to the guy about and they'll talk about that next time he comes in.
The guys talked about how Chevy was offered a part in Animal House and turned that down to work with Goldie Hawn. They talked about how Goldie was still hot back then and how lucky Chevy was to have gotten her back then.
Another caller said that he had to congratulate them on the shows they did this week. He said that he thought They had a lot of T and A on this week and he wants them to keep that up. He said it was a fun week and he had to congratulate them on that. The guy also said that people should end their calls with an F-Booker. Gary said he doesn't have anything against Booker so he wouldn't do that. Jon said they're past that and moving on.
Gary said he heard from Howard about the Benjy thing and he was listening to the Wrap Up Show and kind of wanted to hear more about Benjy but Jon cut him off too early. Gary said he told Howard that Jon may have been thrown off by the Booker stuff. Jon said that he's okay now and he's moving on.
Another caller said that the Chevy interview was great but they left out the feud and didn't talk about that. He thought it was one of the biggest feuds in Stern Show history. Gary said that they talked about it when Chevy called in last year. They went over it quite a bit in that interview.
The caller suggested they do a special where they cover the many feuds they've had on the show. Gary said that they can't keep bringing it up every time they have the guy on the show. Gary said that the feud got started after Howard had heard a clip of Chevy bad mouthing him off camera on a satellite feed for the Larry King show. Howard got upset with him and Richard Belzer came in one morning and had Chevy's phone number. That led to Howard calling Chevy and getting into it with him over the phone. Then Stuttering John went out and interviewed him like 11 times and made things even worse.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that if they have Netflix they should rent the DVD of Saturday Night Live The First 5 Years. He said they get into a lot of that stuff that Chevy was talking about. They talked about that and Gary mentioned that his son was asking how long that show had been on the air. He told him about how they got started and that they've been on since the mid-70s.
Benjy mentioned the name of some guy who was only on the show for the first two weeks of the show. His name was George Coe.
A caller asked the guys if they saw SNL this weekend. Gary didn't see it. The caller said that they have a new cast member (Bobby Moynihan) who could play Artie in a movie about his life. He said he looks a lot like him. Gary said that they always have that fat funny guy on those sketch shows. The caller said that the guy is really Artie recreated.
Gary said he read about that guy George Coe and how he was only on the first 3 episodes. He didn't recognize the guy though.
Jon said that he thinks Gary had the argument too early and should have held off for 2 more weeks. They could still blow it.
Gary said he was just trying to get under Artie's skin when he told him he's a fair weather friend. He was also talking about how fascinated Howard was about the whole argument.
Jon took a call from a guy who told them how great they are on their show and how good Howard's show was this week. Another guy said that he likes the show too but fuck the Mets and the Phillies and that the Cubs are going to make it. They had to go to break after Gary showed Jon a picture of that new SNL guy Bobby Moynihan. Jon thought he looked a lot like Artie too.
The guys talked about what she has to put up with while her parents go through their divorce and her mother dating the young guy. That led to Jon playing a clip from the show where Brooke was talking about her mother dating that 19 year old guy and how she can't understand it. Gary said that it's easy to explain, it's great sex for her mother.
Benjy asked Gary if he would stop talking to his mother if she was dating someone like that. Gary said it would be very weird for him to have his mother doing something like that.
Jon took a call from Mike Gange who said he heard they wanted to talk to him. Gary told him that Howard is still annoyed with him and they were talking about that first thing this morning. Gange said that he really did just spend 5 minutes on that blog and he doesn't know why Howard is still bothered by it. He said that Howard should get a life.
Jon let Gange go and took another call from a guy who said that he wanted them to stop saying ''clearly'' all the time on the show. The guy was also asking why they were spending so much time on Brooke Hogan. Gary said that Howard has guests on the show who he enjoys and finds interesting.
The caller asked why Howard didn't take phone calls during Chevy's interview. Gary said that he thinks that he was just having a good interview. The guy also asked what Gary is going to call his book if he ever writes one. He suggested Baba Book and a couple of others. Gary said it will be more clever than that. He said maybe it'll be ''I Booey'' or something.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if Brooke has a butter face. Gary said he didn't think that was the case. Another guy said that he thinks that Brooke has fake titties and she just got them recently. He said they've talked about that on Bubba's show and they said that she did get some implants so she's not as honest as they think she is.
The caller was also saying that the mother did something to Brooke that made her angry at her. Gary said that there is a before and after picture of Brooke on SternFanNetwork.com and it does look like she wasn't that big and now she is very big. He said it did look like she put on some weight in her boobs but he's not sure if they're implants or not.
A caller suggested that they have Brooke go up against Miss Howard Stern in a political trivia contest. They spent a short time talking about that but Benjy said that Miss Howard Stern actually knew who the Vice President was when she was in not too long ago.
A caller brought up the Mets thing again and said that Artie was really getting under his skin this morning. He said that the Yankees don't usually get under his skin but some of the players have gotten under his skin lately. The guys spent a few more minutes talking about that again.
Gary said that he did remember doing the pecker checker thing where they had Janine Lindemulder come in and help them chub up to do that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they noticed what a cock block Artie was during the Chevy Chase thing. Gary said he didn't get that out of the interview. He said that Chevy had an interesting take on the Dirty Work script and stuff. The caller thought that Artie kept bringing it up and kept trying to grab the interview from Howard. No one in the studio got that from the interview.
Another caller told them how great the show has been this week and how he's going to get his employees 6 month subscriptions for Christmas this year.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that the guy talking about the Bubba show earlier was lying about Spice Boy trying to fuck Brooke. He said that Spice Boy said he never fucked Brooke.
Another caller asked why they had so much Artie action today and why they keep bringing him up. Jon and Gary didn't think they were bringing him up that much. They only spent about 2 minutes on him in 49 minutes.
Gary said that Artie is upset the most about not being able to sell his season tickets to someone for the playoffs to make up for the cost of the season tickets.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard seems to be very tense lately and he just hangs up on conservatives call in. He said that Howard was always a Giuliani supporter over Hillary and no one ever points that out. Gary said that people get on the show and start to filibuster and you can't do that because Howard gets bored with it.
Gary said that Howard supported Giuliani because he liked him as a person. Gary said that Howard would say that he's not a republican or a democrat and he votes for the person he likes the best, not just basing it on what party they're in.
Jon brought up how Gary asked Howard about being stressed out about the wedding and Howard confirming it. Gary said he's not sure what he's stressed out about. Gary said that Will didn't really get stressed out by his wedding. Jon said Will was a little stressed. Gary said that's what it was, just a little.
Benjy said that they might be reading into it a little bit. He said that Howard has to do fittings and set everything up so of course there's going to be some stress there. Gary said that he can see that and there are a lot of details to take care of.
Midget Actor called in and tried to get something out but Gary kept talking over him. Eric said that tomorrow is the 6th year mark of being part of the show. Gary said he had to go circle his calendar for that. Gary said he really didn't care about that. Benjy threw in his plug over him because the show was coming to an end. They ran out of time before Eric could say anything else.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:45am.