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Howard started off the show talking about how happy he was to see that they had George Takei sitting in all week. George said that it had been far too long since he was there and he was glad to be there today. Howard said that Artie is out again today just like he was the last time George was in. He said that's kind of odd. He said that Artie told Jason yesterday that the was sick. Gary said that was actually this morning. He had Jason stop by to pick something up from him and told him he wouldn't be in.
Robin said that she was talking to Artie over the weekend and he was telling her about these Yankee tickets that he had. She said that he called Jim McClure over the weekend and told people about a family function he had on Sunday. It sounds like he was making this stuff up to get out of doing stuff.
George said he thinks that Artie knew that he was coming in today and he might be afraid to face him. He said that they have so much to talk about and he may want to avoid that. He said they have a lot of stuff to discuss like the run in with High Pitch Mike and the PSA that he was going to do for the Human Rights Campaign.
George said that they sent Artie some bullet points for this PSA and he's heard that there was some contact between Teddy and the HRC and that has stopped. He said he thinks that Artie feels a little skittish about the whole thing.
George thinks that he probably won't be doing that PSA so maybe he should just write out a check and get out of the whole thing. He said that his money might be considered tainted money if he did do the PSA and keep using the word ''fag.''
Howard said that LifeBeat has stopped taking money because of what Artie has been doing lately. They actually returned a $10,000 check to Crumbs bakery after all of that.
Gary said that including today Artie has been out the first day 3 of the 4 times that George has been in. Howard said that could mean that Artie is either anti-Asian or anti-gay. Gary thinks that it means that Artie thinks that they don't need him there when they have another guest in like that.
Howard said that he has to talk to Artie about this time he's taking off. He said that they only work a 4 day work week.
That contest is sponsored by HotMovies.com. Howard gave them a plug and that led to him asking George about watching porn on the web. George said he used to love watching that stuff but he doesn't do that so much these days. He said that Brad isn't that into it and he doesn't appreciate him watching the porn. He said that Brad keeps a pretty short leash on him and won't let him do stuff like that.
Howard said that he'd never want Beth to know he watches that kind of stuff so he always locks the door when he watches that stuff. Howard asked George if he would sit there nude and watch that stuff. George said he wouldn't, he'd be in the study watching and would keep his clothes on.
George said that he would unzip and stick it out to do that. He said that he'd then take it into the shower stall to have some privacy. Howard asked him if the wetness of the shower decreases the sensitivity. He said that he soaps up and that makes it so exciting to him when he's rubbing his hand over himself.
Howard asked where he watched the gay porn when he would. George said that Brad would put a stop to it if he did that. Howard asked him for more details about how he'd do this stuff and what he'd do if Brad walked in on him. He said that he'd always take it to the shower. He said he keeps the images in his mind and takes them to the shower every time. He said that the computers are in the study so he can't finish off in there.
George said that Brad will actually cut him off if he's on the web and he'll actually disconnect him from the web. Howard said that this proves his theory that one of the people in a gay relationship will take on the more feminine role in the relationship. He aids that Brad seems to be the one who acts like the wife because that's how a wife might handle watching porn.
Howard figured that George was the more dominant one in the relationship. George said that is the case. He said that he does like to be sucked though. He said that Brad claims that he saves his love for him and doesn't masturbate. That's what he wants George to do as well. George apologized to Brad for talking about all of this on the air. He was afraid that he was going to be upset with him this morning.
George said that he still watches porn when he gets the chance. He just has to make sure Brad isn't around. If he is around, then the porn watching gets shut down. He said that at least now he has Brad and he doesn't need the magazines that he used to have. He said they don't get the porn magazines at home anymore. He said they still get some gay related magazines but nothing pornographic.
Howard said that he used to have this guy who worked for him that he'd make go buy gay magazines to humiliate him when he did something wrong. He said that was Lee Davis.
George told Howard that he's going to be kicking off this new series called ''Secret Talents of the Stars'' on April 8th. He said that there are 4 celebrities who kick off the show and they include Clint Black, Sasha Cohen, George and someone else.
George said that he is going to be singing country songs himself. He said that the audience votes on who wins and he is appealing to the Stern Army to help him out. Howard said that he should just leave it to them, they'll make sure that he wins. Howard said they will get behind him and help out.
Richard came in and said that he wanted to get back to the jacking off in the shower thing. He said that he has a problem when he jerks off in the shower. He said he gets soap in the end of his pecker and it stings. George said that he soaps up his whole body and he lets the water drip on his penis so the soap doesn't get on his penis. It's just the warm water. The soap is just so he can feel that on his body.
Howard played a prank call that the guys made using clips of George talking to Richard about not showering. The guy eventually hangs up on George telling him that he's just weird. They call him back and have George asking him all kinds of odd questions.
George felt for the poor victimized people that Richard terrorizes with those calls. Richard said he had some even better calls than that but the people didn't give consent to play them on the air. Richard said he had some really good ones. Howard told him to have Gary call them and maybe they could pay them a couple of bucks to get them to change their minds.
Howard said it was great to have George there this morning. He said that he's a Superman amongst the show. Gary came in and told Howard some of the other stars who are going to be on that show that George is going to be on. He ran down the list of people and what their talents were going to be.
Howard asked George what kind of money he's going to get paid for that show. George said that they pay nicely but he can't reveal what he's getting paid or what song he's even performing. He said that the further on he goes the more money he'll make so he can't reveal that. He said that they're handsomely compensated though.
Howard guessed at what he might be making but George said he just can't confirm or deny the amount. Howard said that he had an advance copy of that show and what George was going to be signing. He played a song parody that he had of George singing ''Bu, bu, bu, ka, ka, ka... Bukakke.''
That led to him playing even more song parodies. He had a new one from Richard Christy that had nothing to do with George. He had another one that a listener sent in about Robin. There was another one about Robin's boobs called ''Robin's Big Floppy Titties'' to the tune of ''Suffrajett City.'' There was a Gary the Retard song parody to the tune of Tom Petty's ''Free Fallin.'' George said he was a fan of ''Release Robin's Bra'' so Howard played that one.
Howard played Crazy Alice's voice mail message where she goes off on Robin about that new group of hers. Robin is raising money for children in Africa and Alice isn't too happy about that. She went off on her about doing that for a minute.
George said that he thinks this is a good thing but they do need to improve the kind of support they have for local charities as well. He said he agrees that they have to spread the money around the world as well too.
Robin said that they're raising money for different charities every year. That's what her group is doing. Robin said that if they don't take care of these problems around the world they will come back to haunt them in the future.
Robin asked George if he was free on April 17th. He wasn't sure so Robin told him that if he is then she'd love to have him at the charity event.
Howard said he had a prank call the guys made using some Crazy Alice clips. They called a modeling agency and had her yelling at them over there.
Howard said he saw it got some great reviews. Robin said that it really was a great movie. She said that you get to see stuff that you normally wouldn't see. She said that Mick got up and said something quickly and then left.
Howard said he heard that Robin removed her top and threw it at the screen because it seemed so real. Robin said that she almost did. She said that seeing Mick on stage is really hot even with that wrinkly old face of his. She said that it was kind of gross when he was dancing with Christina Aguilera on stage because she was just about being molested by him. She said she looked like she wanted off the stage at that point. She said she'd give it a 4 out of 4 star review.
Howard said he might not stick with Obama if he gets the nomination. He said he's going to have to look at both he and McCain to see who he's going to go with in the end.
Howard talked about how turned off he is by Obama's relationship to that Reverend Wright guy. He said that he really doesn't know that much about Obama but that one thing really eats away at him. Robin thinks that he's just not voting for him because he's black. Howard said that's not the case.
George talked about Obama and some of the stuff he knew about him. He said that he has some issues with him as well.
Wolfie asked who is better looking, Will Murray or Fred Norris. George said that both of them are great but he'd have to choose Will over Fred. Howard asked him if he had to see their penises to make his decision clearer. That wasn't going to happen though.
Howard went to another call but ended up talking about how they were supposed to have Jose Canseco on today. Gary said that it looks like he won't be in today but he will reschedule.
The caller asked George about his sneaking around his house watching his porn. He said that they all identify with the sneaking the porn stuff. Howard said he'd be bothered if he found Beth looking at porn of other guys. The caller said he'd love to see his wife doing stuff like that.
The caller told George that he has to just jack off in his chair and pretend that he doesn't care at all and maybe drag Brad into it with him.
Another caller asked Howard why he's not stepping up and acting like a boss with Artie taking so much time off. Howard said that he might be right about that. He said that he kind of bought into his calling in sick but it seems to be happening a lot more now.
Gary said that Jason told him that Artie was saying he has a cold that he hasn't been able to shake and he doesn't want to get everyone sick. Robin said that he doesn't take care of himself and it is possible that he's really ill.
Howard said that he doesn't want to have to lay down the law to people he works with. He didn't get into radio to do that kind of stuff. Robin said that she was coming into work late for a while there at K-Rock and Howard took it up with her. Howard didn't remember doing that though.
Howard said he's okay with Artie taking a day off now and then but he really should be there. He said they only work a 4 day work week.
Donny asked Artie what he would do if they were buddies and he asked him to stop being so self destructive. Artie said that he could never see them being that close. He then went on to talk about some of the things he's gone through in his life trying to get help and how some of it was forced upon him.
Artie talked about the different drugs that he's tried in his life. He was saying that he's gone through all of the stuff that Belushi and Farley went through but he's lasted a lot longer than they did.
Howard said it almost seemed like Donny had him on the show just to yell at him. Then they had him tasting cupcakes to see if he could pick out his own from the batch.
JD came in and said that Artie was on to announce that his big comedy tour was starting up in April. He said it was kind of weird to see him on this show that usually has big business guys.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has a thing for Robin now. He asked if Lisa G could be in her GNO group. Robin said that she has been out with the girls before and she could possibly make it into the group. She said that she is a reporter so they're not sure they want someone like that leaking stuff about their nights out.
A woman called in and asked Robin about her political views on Barack Obama. Robin said she has no political view on him. The woman went on to say that she will have a difficult time voting for him because of what Howard has talked about with him and this reverend. She thinks that the reverend is a nut case. She's also concerned about his middle name of Hussein. Howard said that he doesn't agree with that but there are a lot of people out there who believe that he's a Muslim and lying and just trying to take over the country and turn it Islamic. He had to go to break after that.
Robin said that there are some incredible tickets available for Yankee fans and they're available at CharityFolks.com.
Lisa G came in with her Howard 100 News preview. She said that she spoke to Donny Deutsch after his interview with Artie. She'll have more on that today. She said he told her that it's going to be tough for Artie to market himself in the future with all of this stuff he has going on now. Howard said that's pretty obvious.
George said that Artie's persona is addiction and if he just got addicted to good living and working out, that would still work for him. Robin thinks that his fans like him out of control though.
Lisa said that Crumbs Bakery is going to continue selling Artie's cupcakes and they may create a Baba Booey cupcake or something like that. Howard thinks that they should donate the money from Artie's cupcake to an anti-drug charity or something.
Lisa said they have a new ''Lowdown with High Pitch Mike'' bit coming up today. He'll be talking about how he doesn't think that Artie should be doing that PSA that George wants him to. Lisa said that Clara the Bulldog is going to be on FOX news sometime this morning as well.
Howard asked Riley why he has to call him names because he had just called him a fuckin' Jew. Howard told Riley to fuck off. Sal said that he's sick of this food poisoning bullshit and said that Riley was drinking all weekend. Howard told Sal to stop with that and told him to get out of the studio.
Howard said he doesn't know what he did wrong and asked Riley what it was that he was complaining about. He said he heard that Riley had food poisoning again this weekend and he's not sure why he's going off on him for asking about that. He said he didn't even know he was in Atlantic City this weekend. Riley said that he and that baboon he works with set him up this weekend.
Riley was complaining about the flea bitten room that he had and how nothing was comped to him. Howard said that's not his fault. Riley said that he wanted to walk them through all of this stuff. He said he got to the hotel and he had to pay for parking and he got stuck in a flea bitten room and found nothing comped to him. He said that they didn't even get water for free. He said he called down to ask for some water and he was told he had to pay for it. He wasn't happy with that at all.
Riley thinks that Howard had something to do with that whole thing but Howard told him he had nothing to do with it. He told Riley he is getting more and more belligerent and he can't deal with it. Shuli came in and said that he almost got into a fist fight with Riley over the weekend.
Howard told Riley he has nothing to do with any of that shit. He wanted to talk to Riley about the contract negotiations. That led to Riley talking about Shuli and how he shouldn't be representing the show at all. Shuli went off on him and said that he should have knocked him out when he was out there. Riley said that Shuli hates the show and was bad mouthing him. He claims that Shuli was bad mouthing him back stage.
Shuli said that he told Riley to calm down at one point and then Riley took his bottle of food poisoning and threatened him with it so he had to stand up and tell him to back off. Riley told a story about how he was taking a picture with some guy who grabbed his nuts and he got upset about that. Shuli didn't know how that had anything to do with him though.
Riley said that they had no security there at the show and he was upset about that. Howard asked him why he does it then. Riley said that this is the last show for him.
Sal came in and said that they needed security to protect them from Riley. He refused to leave the stage so they had to drag him off. Riley went off on Shuli some more and said that he has no human worth at all. Howard said he agrees with him on that.
Howard said he heard that Riley had food poisoning and he wanted to wish him well and ask how he was feeling. Riley asked if that's the reason he called him. Howard said that he was just adding the food poisoning thing to the conversation.
Riley said he was going to compliment Robin on her loveliness until she started talking and now he thinks that she's still just a baboon bitch.
Howard said he doesn't think that they should have Riley on their comedy shows anymore. Shuli said they won't because he'll knock the guy out if he sees him in front of him again.
Riley was talking about how Fred and his band were awful at the show. That led to Fred talking about how Riley is the angriest man he's ever met and he was nothing but respectful to him. Riley said something about Fred and how he looks like someone who would have marched Anne Frank into Auschwitz. Fred said that was very racist on his part. Riley went off on Rev. Bob Levy as well. He called him some names. Fred told Riley that if he didn't have a relationship with SIRIUS things would have gone down much differently that night.
The guys asked Riley why he travels with so many people and why he had two video guys with him. Riley said there were only two photographers with him. Howard told Riley that he has nothing to do with this sabotaging of his life like he thinks he does.
Sal said that he saw Riley engaging in food poisoning the next morning at 9 in the morning. Riley told Howard that his people really hate him and he should watch his back. He said that Shuli really hates him and he should watch his back. He said that Shuli wasn't even born of woman.
Howard said that he had nothing to do with that Killers of Comedy show he was part of. He said he wishes that they'd go away. He said he likes when they do their comedy there, not out on the road.
Shuli told Howard that Riley lost the audience 30 seconds in. Sal told a story about how Riley wasn't even able to say ''stand up'' when he got up on the stage. He said he was saying ''dan duh'' and the audience had no idea what he was saying. He was trying to say ''stand up.'' He said then he started singing to the audience and the crowd was booing him. Then the security guys had to come out and drag him off the stage.
Howard asked what he had to do with any of that. Riley said that he set him up with all of that. He said that those guys set him up to look like an ass. Shuli told Howard that all of his people were apologizing to him for what Riley was doing.
Howard cut the guys off saying that they were going around in circles. He said that he wanted to talk to Riley about how he only had 2 shows left on SIRIUS before his contract is up. Tim Sabean came in and said that he has spoken to Riley about the contract and he's looking to get a new time slot. Riley said he didn't want to talk about this stuff on the air. He said that they're trying to show boat with this shit.
Howard told Riley that he has a bad feeling that this isn't going to work out this time. Riley said that they have 2 shows left and if they want, they can nullify it and stop him from doing the final 2.
Howard told Riley that he wanted to tell him what he would like to see happen. He was about to get into it but Riley started to go off on him about the other crappy shows they put on there. He complained about the Man Tit show they did last week and how lame he thought that was.
Howard said that he asked Riley to go on and do his 1 hour show and that's what he did. People liked the show so they made it a regular thing. They gave him a few bucks to do the show and thought it was an excellent opportunity for him. He said that once they hire him it's out of his hands. He said that they've given a lot of people shows there but he has nothing to do with paying them. SIRIUS pays these people. He said he did that with Bubba, Ferrall and everyone else who works there.
Howard said that everyone there is paid by SIRIUS and he just tells them who he wants there. With Riley he said he told them that the audience would be tickled to hear him on the air. What they pay them is their business, not his.
Riley said that he doesn't appreciate having these maggots ambushing him the way they do. Howard said he has nothing to do with that and he doesn't think that anyone is ambushing him. Riley said that he's given them a year and a half of his life. If they don't want him there then he will leave. Howard said that he won't talk about this on the air if he doesn't want to. He respects that and he won't do that if he doesn't want to.
Riley told Howard to do something decent in their lives and come through with his demands. Tim said that it's going to be hard and he doesn't think that Riley can take the pressure of this stuff. Riley was still complaining about these people coming after him.
Gary asked if they could talk about what Riley was looking for with the show. Tim said that he wants a longer show, that won't happen. He wants to do a term for 1-2 years too. Riley told Tim to go back and play with his cousin again because he just said he didn't want to talk about that stuff on the air. He said that nothing get get lower than that Shuli.
Howard took some phone calls and one guy said they have to get Riley off the air and get back to George Takei and his masturbation stories. Howard said he might be right. Another caller said that he should hang up on Riley and give his time slot to Chuck Zito.
Another caller said that she saw the show on Friday night and she had no idea what Riley was saying. She said that Fred's band was amazing and loved that Bob Levy was picking on her husband all night. She said that Sal and Shuli were great as well.
Ralph called in and told Riley that he's a novelty act on the air and he's not that integral to the show. Riley went off on him in the middle of that discussion. Ralph told Riley to just take the money they offer to him and appreciate it. He told him that he can sell that crap he sells on his web site because he has an hour long show that's like one big ad.
Riley continued to go off on Ralph for a few seconds before Howard cut him off and said that they hope that things will work out. Melrose Larry Green called in and said that Riley is an anti-Semite and a racist. He said that his comments at the comedy show were very offensive. Riley went off on him yelling at him for a few seconds before Howard cut them off.
Tim and Shuli talked about how even Riley's people were apologizing about his behavior on Friday night. Shuli asked Riley what he's going to do after all of those people leave him. Riley said that he lived 50 years before the met them so he'll be fine.
A caller told Howard that he has to keep Riley around because he's great when he's going off on them the way he was this morning. Another caller said that he was boring him to death this morning and he had to get rid of him. Howard thanked everyone and wrapped up. He gave Riley a plug for his show that airs Tuesday night at Midnight. He's only got a couple more shows left so catch him while you can.
Howard talked to George Takei about this and how they are just one big dysfunctional family there. He said that he hopes that Riley comes around and keeps doing his show.
Howard said that the Iron Sheik was coming in this morning. He had some audio of him talking about Bubba the Love Sponge and he really didn't understand what he was talking about. He played the clip and tried to figure it out. Sheik was talking about Bubba and how he could have beat the fuck out of him if he had gotten into a fight with him. He was going on and on and on. George said he needed subtitles for that.
Howard said he saw a piece of tape where Sheik was pulling his pants down and showing his penis and stuff. He said that he'd talk to Sheik about that when he comes in later. He had to go to break after that.
Howard asked George when Heroes is coming back. George said that he's not sure and there's a possibility that there will be an actor's strike coming up at the end of June. He said that the writers are working on that third season though.
Howard talked about the Rolling Stones movie that Robin reviewed earlier in the morning. He said he was supposed to go but he ended up bailing out on it.
Howard said that Jay Leno did something weird. He said that there's this show over in England called ''Top Gear'' and they're doing a remake of it here in the States. He said that Leno is claiming that they offered him the hosting gig but he's now saying that NBC is going to screw up the show. He said that's kind of strange. Robin thinks that he's feeling bad about how he's kind of getting screwed by NBC for kicking him out for Conan O'Brien.
Howard asked someone why NBC would get rid of Leno when he's the number 1 guy. He said that the person said that Leno is getting older and NBC thinks that they can get a few more years out of Conan and they think that David Letterman is going to retire some day.
Howard said that the whole thing is weird with NBC. He said that they're afraid of losing that franchise but it's hardly even a franchise.
A caller said he heard that Adam Carolla is going to be the host of Top Gear. Howard said he heard that from Adam and he didn't know it was public knowledge. He said that he thinks that Jay isn't an honorable guy so he's kind of glad that he's not going to be hosting the show. He said that the guy seems to be empty inside. He said that he'd talk to him back stage at his show and it didn't seem like there was a human being inside of him.
Howard said he was always happy to do the Tonight Show but then the Stuttering John thing went down. He said he was fine with John leaving the show, he just didn't like the way Leno handled it and went behind his back to take John away from them.
Howard said he wouldn't stand in John's way if he wanted to leave the show. He said that Jay steals bits from the show and then he started taking his staff so he thought that he was a maggot and stopped being friends with him. He said that he called Jay and told him that he didn't want to be friends with him anymore and Jay asked him if that meant that they weren't friends anymore. Howard said that he didn't want anything to do with the guy anymore after that.
Howard said that when Rosie O'Donnell had her show, she hired one of Jay's people and he flipped out over that. It was a similar situation to the Stuttering John thing and Jay got pissed about his people being hired away.
George said he had no idea what was going on with those late night shows. Howard said that they really do borrow stuff from his show and make it seem like it was their idea. He said that they even send John out to interview people on red carpets just like they did for years. Howard said that Jay invented nothing, he's just a stand-up comic.
Howard said that Jay's ''Jay Walking'' bit is something that they did on the show for years and it's nothing new. He said he can't wait to get out of the business. He said he doesn't want to invent anything anymore and doesn't want to write stuff for the world. He said that there are shows that rip him off and get away with it. He said that he could sue the people who make shows like ''Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader.'' He said he's going to sue them to just to make a point.
George said that he should do something really big for his show but Howard told him he just wants to retire. He said he's out of creativity and he's leaving radio. He said he's going to sit home and stare at the wall. Robin said he's going to yell at Beth, that's what he's going to do. Howard said maybe he'll jerk off in the shower.
Howard said that maybe he should do a ''Are You Smarter than George Takei'' or ''Are You Gayer Than George Takei.'' George said that there are many people who are gayer than him. George said that he's not sure what the definitive gay would be.
Howard asked George if he was doing leach therapy like Demi Moore is doing now. George didn't know what that was so Howard had to explain it to him. That led to George talking about how he does some exercises he does to keep his turkey neck away.
Howard and George talked about how people these days are very inconsiderate at shows and movies. They cough, let their phones ring and stuff like that. Howard said that there are people who are so insecure that they can't even walk down the street without talking on their cell phones. He said that they're like perpetual adolescents who can't separate from their mothers.
George told some stories about a guy who had his cell phone going off while he was performing in a play out in California. He said the guy's phone went off twice during that show and it was very annoying. The guy turned out to be a doctor but that was no excuse to let his phone ring during the show.
Howard told Sheik about this pedophile that used to make Jim kiss him on the cheek when he'd take them to wrestling events. Sheik didn't even know what the term pedophile meant.
Sheik told Howard that he's out on tour with the Killers of Comedy and having a great time with them. He said that Riley was very nice to him at the show over the weekend and even told him that he'd give him money if he needed it. He said that the one thing he didn't like was when this guy came in and tried to take his picture. He said that he got mad and so did Riley.
Howard said this sounds like a freak show out there. He asked Sheik if he likes Beetlejuice. Sheik said that Beetlejuice treats some people good and some bad. He said that he was in a room with him out in California one night and it was the last time he would ever stay with him. He said that Beetlejuice is okay but he can't room with him again.
Howard said he can't imagine sticking Sheik in the same room with Beetlejuice because Beet needs someone to care for him. Sheik thanked him for that because that's how he sees it too. He said he told the promoter of the show that he can't do that again.
Howard said that sticking Beetlejuice in the room with Sheik is just wrong. He said that he can't care for someone who shits his pants sometimes. Sheik said that Beetlejuice does a lot of talking and he just goes on and on telling his bullshit stories. He said he just wanted to go to sleep and Beetlejuce just kept talking and shit his pants. He said that it was the worst time he had ever had in his life.
Sheik went off on Beetlejuice a little bit and said he was disgusting. He said that he should share a room with Hulk Hogan next time.
Howard said that he knows that Sheik doesn't have a lot of money like Hulk Hogan does. He asked if he thinks that he just started at the wrong time. Sheik said that's probably what it is. He then went off on Donald Trump saying that he would arm wrestle him. He said he wants to shave that hair of his if he wins.
Sheik asked for some German beer (Becks) because he really likes that beer. Gary brought him in some beer a short time later. Sheik was going off on Jay Leno after that but it wasn't clear why he was doing that.
Sheik opened his beer with his Bic lighter and Howard seemed to be impressed with that. Sheik was yelling and going on and on about who he wanted to arm wrestle and stuff like that.
Howard suggested that Sheik challenge Trump to arm wrestle and the loser should have to take it up the ass. Sheik seemed okay with that. Howard thought it was kind of early in the morning to be drinking beer. Sheik said that he's happy so he doesn't care about that.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were playing Beetlejuice audio clips. They had Beetlejuice yelling at Sheik about the stuff he had said about him earlier in the show. Sheik yelled at the audio clips thinking that it was really Beetlejuice. Sheik told him that his dick could beat him up. The guys even played one clip that was bleeped and Sheik didn't seem to notice that.
Howard said that he heard that Sheik slaps his manager when he's hanging out with him. Sheik made it sound like he deserves to be slapped. Howard mentioned a couple of names that got Sheik all riled up and yelling even more.
A Randy Savage impersonator called in and went off on Sheik getting him all pissed off. Sheik was saying he would rape his ass with that can of Becks he was drinking. Then they had some clips of Hulk Hogan that they played over the phone getting Sheik all pissed off once again. Then they had Hulk saying that he was madly in love with him and Sheik was still on fire saying that he was sweating like crazy.
Howard asked Sheik if that beer was his first of the day. Sheik said it was the first Becks of the day. Howard took a call from Richard who was pretending to be Donald Trump, and not even disguising his voice. He told Howard that Sheik was a piece of shit and that got him all riled up again. Sheik was yelling at him and telling him not to cross him because he'll be the fuck out of him.
George Takei tried asking Sheik a question but Sheik stood up and lost his headphones again. They fixed him up again and then George tried to ask him the question again. He had asked if he thinks that he's a good Muslim. Sheik said that he prays 5 times a day. George asked if Allah approves of his vulgarity and exposing his genitals and stuff. Sheik said that he's not supposed to do that stuff but he gets carried away. He said that his agent makes him do that stuff.
Howard brought in Sheik's agent and asked him why he would make him show his ass and penis like that. His manager, Eric, came in so Howard asked if he takes half of his money. He said he doesn't but Sheik said he's a liar and he does take 50 percent. He told him he'd beat the fuck out of him if he lied to him.
Eric said they split the price of the pictures they take when they go out to events. They went back and forth on that a little bit until Sheik's headphones fell off once again.
Howard picked up the phone again and said that he had Brian Blair on the line. It was actually clips of Gary that the guys were playing as Brian Blair. They had Sheik yelling at him as well. They had Gary telling him to go take another hairbrush up his ass. That pissed him off even more.
Howard got back to Sheik's agent. The guy said that he has to do a lot of stuff when he's working for him and there's much more than meets the eye there. Sheik was accusing him of taking 50 percent but the guy kept saying that's not the case.
Howard heard that Sheik hung up on Will when he was doing his pre-interview. Sheik said that it was a gay question that he asked and he didn't appreciate that. Sheik threw his beer at Will and Howard had to make sure Will was okay after that. Will said he had apologized to him already and he hoped that they were okay.
Howard gave Sheik some plugs for his upcoming gigs. you can check those out at KillersOfComedy.com and to book Sheik for gigs you can check out EssPromotions.com. Howard wrapped up with Sheik a short time later.
Howard talked to George about his hemorrhoid problems and asking if he sits on the toilet a long time. He said that he doesn't, he eats a lot of fruits and vegetables. He said he just uses regular toilet paper so Howard gave him the secret: Baby wipes. He told him to dab and not wipe hard. George said that it works for him. Howard said it can't and it must be itchy back there.
George said that he can't believe the things they reveal on this show. He said that there are millions listening to them too. He said that he doesn't look at his roid but he can feel it back there and will push it back in when he's going to the bathroom.
Howard jokingly said that Brad had called in and told them that he was removing their shower from the bathroom so George couldn't jerk off in there anymore.
Howard said that tomorrow they'll be doing the Newlyweird Game with George, Evil Dave and Blue Iris. Then he talked about how President Bush got booed at a baseball game when he threw out the first pitch. He said this guy really isn't a very popular president at this point. He played some audio from that event where the crowd started booing him heavily when he was introduced.
Howard had a clip from CNN where one of the reporters said ''six titty tour'' instead of ''six city tour.'' He played that and got a laugh out of that. Fred threw in some Beavis and Butt-head laughing after he played that.
Howard played a clip of a speed metal remake of the songs ''Sweet Dreams are Made Of These.'' He wondered if it's possible that the drums in that were live or recorded. Fred said that it was a double bass pedal and people can do that. Richard said that he used to be able to drum like that for hours at a time. He said he can't do it as long as he used to be able to.
The band was called Wykked Wytch according to Richard. He said that he knows those guys and played in one of their demos years ago. He said he wouldn't have the stamina to play that fast, that long anymore. Howard sounded impressed. Richard said he could demonstrate it if they had a drum set in there. Howard said they'll have to do that.
Howard said that Howard TV is doing a special with Richard and his drumming in a couple of weeks. They played a little bit of that for Howard to listen to. He wasn't playing as fast as that speed metal band was. The guys liked what they were hearing from Richard in that clip.
Fred said that Richard is one of the elite drummers that's really good at what he does. He said that he's really awesome. He said that he doesn't think that Richard would like playing with his band because it wouldn't be challenging enough. Richard said that he would love to play with them sometime. He said that he used to practice for four hours a day in the past.
Fred was kissing his ass talking about how great he is. Then Howard said that it's a shame that people know him more for licking balls than playing drums.
Howard said he had to give a shout out to this woman who mentioned him in her book. She dedicated it to him so he read that quickly and gave her a plug for the book ''Maiz E Coca Cola.'' George heard what the book was about and said that he will probably read it. He said that he and Brad are planning on going to the Amazon so he would like to know what she had to say in her book.
Howard read a story about a man who was charged with having sex with a picnic table. He got busted for doing that near a school out in public. He was using the hole where the umbrella goes.
Howard read some e-mail about the story that was in the news last week about how ugly guys are marrying hot women. They used pictures of him in the articles even though he had nothing to do with the study. He said he ended up on another news report on TV because of that. He played the clip where they were talking about how Beth is hot and Howard isn't. They had a panel of people talking about the two of them. One guy was defending Howard saying he had that rock star look of his. Dr. Judy Kurianski was kind of defending him too but it still bothered him that he was on the list.
That report mentioned Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett so Howard said they were really reaching with that one. Robin said that they did say it was for the oddest couples of all time.
Howard asked George if he would be attracted to him if he didn't have Brad. George said that he is faithful so he probably would be.
Howard replayed the interviews that Sal went out and did with women on the streets of New York City about his looks. Most of the women were talking about how ugly Howard was.
Howard said that someone complained about Artie telling the story about his rim job last week. Howard said he'd ask George if he liked that but he thinks he knows the answer to that. George said that its' actually because of anal sex that he got the hemorrhoid. He said that's why he stopped doing that. Howard said that at least he had some fun getting that hemorrhoid. George said that he's healing up back there though and it's just taking some time. He said he uses that Preparation H to help him out.
Howard read some feedback about the Counting Crows appearance from last week. Some people were impressed by their performances. That led to Howard playing a little bit of their stuff for George. He played their ''Round Here'' performance and George said he should have been there for that, he sounds incredible.
Howard read some more feedback about their performances and people were very impressed with what they did. One guy said that tears filled one guys eyes as he was listening to that song. Howard said they only got one negative email so he read that one. The writer thought that Adam was an asshole. Howard said that 99.9 percent of the people thought it was a great performance.
Howard liked the song and asked George what he thought. George said he wished he was there live for that. Ralph called in and said that he thinks that they were horrible. He said that he almost hung up when Howard replayed that song. He said that the bunny costume was lame and Adam crying about everything was really annoying.
Ralph said that the real reason he was calling in was to talk about Artie. He said that Artie was kind of bummed out about the LifeBeat thing last week. He said he thinks that all got to him and that's why he's not there this morning. He said that he probably didn't want to deal with George and all of that stuff. Howard said they'll find out tomorrow if that's the case.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that he used to hate the Counting Crows but he liked those performances last week. He also asked if they're still doing that bowling thing for Howard TV. He said that he wanted to challenge Howard to a bowling thing but Howard told him that they're just going to have chicks in bikinis playing.
Howard read through more of the e-mail he got. He had some feedback about Artie on the Donny Deutsch show and how he was looking like Jabba the Hutt. Howard said he thinks that Artie is going to get himself into shape this year. He'll start slowing down on that touring schedule and he'll start to lose some weight. George said that he doesn't think that Artie has the will to do that and he probably won't have the motivation to do that.
Ralph called in and said that he had some breaking news about Kathie Lee Gifford joining the today Show. He said that she was on this morning. Howard said that's old news and it was announced about 2 weeks ago. That led to the guys talking about her for a couple of minutes. Ralph said she wasn't looking too bad either.
Howard read an e-mail about how someone thinks that Lisa G is just waiting for Beth to leave him and that comes across on the radio. Howard wondered if that's true.
Steve said they'll have more on the Kenneth Keith Kallenbach case. He's back in jail. They have an update on Big Foot who is back in a hospital up in Vermont. They also have a story about this woman Laura who had filed charges against High Pitch Eric a few months ago. She's back to hanging out with him and went to a Killers of Comedy show with him over the weekend.
Howard took a call from Double A who said that the show was action packed today. He said he wanted to know when the Iron Sheik show is going to be on Howard TV. Doug Goodstein told him that it will be on tomorrow night. Howard said that he didn't wear his sunglasses during that segment because he was too lazy to get them out of his bag.
Jon Hein came in with his Howard 100 News preview. He ran down the stuff they were going to be discussing a little later today. They're going to be talking about the stuff that George was talking about earlier today. He ended up talking about how tough it was growing up as a gay man and how he didn't come out to his mother until the 1970s. He said he didn't come out publicly until 2005.
The second choice was Howard or the microwave oven. The caller said that Howard was older. Fred thought that he was wrong. Gary said that the microwave is actually older, it was invented in 1947.
Gary then asked what is older, Howard or Meredith Viera. Robin said that she thinks that Howard is older. The caller said it was Howard but he was wrong again. He lost the game. The caller said he really needed that money so Howard gave him one last chance to win.
Gary asked what is older, Howard or double A batteries. He guessed it was the batteries but he was wrong again. Howard just gave the guy the money anyway.
George said that if she's happy she will eventually make peace with her happiness and those words will come out eventually. Howard heard that Robin was very bubbly this morning and saying hello to everyone. Howard asked if he slept over with her last night after going to see the Rolling Stones movie. She said that they went out to dinner before but he didn't come back to her house.
Howard asked if there was any hand holding or anything going on. Robin just laughed. She said that she was happy because she was happy and that's it. George said that maybe it's a big deal to Robin to say something like that on the air. Robin said that Howard got to tell Beth that she loves her off the air. She thinks that he's asking her to do something on the air that he never had to do himself.
Howard sang to Robin and asked her if she loves Jim. She played along and sang back to him. Then George got in on it and started singing along with Howard. Howard sang to himself and asked if he loved Beth. He said he did and continued to sing with the guys. Howard had her move on to her news since she wasn't playing along anymore.
Robin started off her news talking about religion and a story about how there are more Muslims in the world than there are Catholics. Howard said that he's really not for any organized religion. He said that all of these religions sound wacky to him and he finds them all hard to believe. He said it all sounds like such hokum and he can't believe any of it.
George explained that he was born Buddhist and that's more of a philosophy than anything. He said that he doesn't mind the philosophy part but he doesn't go for the ceremonial stuff like so many others do.
Robin said that a woman was forced to remove her nipple rings before boarding a plane in Texas. The guys spent a minute talking about that. Howard said that Ralph had a nipple ring and one of his nips blew up larger than the other after he had it pierced. He said he doesn't get the nipple ring thing and can't imagine why anyone would ruin such a sexy thing as a nipple by piercing it.
Howard talked to Robin about her tattoo and how she probably doesn't even know what it means. She said that she had a Chinese woman tell her that it meant ''star'' as the stars in the sky. Howard said that a lot of people who have those type of tattoos don't even know that they really mean or they think they mean something other than what they actually do.
Robin talked about how Donald Trump is trying to get this Ashley Alexandra Dupré chick to do a reality TV show for him on MTV. She had another story about a prostitution ring that was busted last week.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he had some news about this nipple ring story. He said that he heard that the woman had to pull one of the rings out with a pair of pliers because they were fused into her skin.
Howard said that he tried watching a Lindsay Lohan movie over the weekend and it was so bad he couldn't make it more than an hour into it. He said that it was the biggest piece of garbage. Robin said she saw some of that and she fell asleep watching it. She woke up at the end and said she didn't care what had gone on in the middle of it.
Robin read a story about Remy Ma being convicted of shooting someone and how she's waiting for sentencing. She could get up to 25 years in prison. Robin read a story about a 39 year old singer who was found dead in jail.
Robin read a story about the Kid's Choice Awards. Howard said that's a weird show and stars will show up there when they won't show up to other award shows because they know that they have to get kids to go to their movies. She had some audio clips from that show. She had some Miley Ray Cyrus singing ''Girls Night Out'' which just happened to be the same name as Robin's charity group.
Robin had some clips of Cameron Diaz telling the kids at the event to yell out ''We are the future and the future is bright.'' Howard played that a couple of times and talked about how fucking annoying she is. He said it's no wonder she can't hold on to a man.
Robin and Howard talked about Miley Ray Cyrus and how she has changed her name legally to that even though it's not her real name. Howard said that these kids should stick to doing stuff like that when they find that they're good at it. He said the kid who played Napoleon Dynamite is the one who needs to stick to doing that character. He said that he thinks that he's an actor but he's really just good at playing the part of Napoleon Dynamite. He said that George Takei was smart because he stuck with that Star Trek stuff all this time. George said he still does the Star Trek conventions.
Robin had some clips of the Rolling Stones and Martin Scorsesse talking about their new movie. She started to read another story but her phone started to ring and she let out an ''Oh no...'' and turned it off. It had a ring that the guys hadn't heard before. Fred played her old phone ring as they were talking about that.
Robin read a story about a guy who killed his kids and then called the hotel front desk and broke the news to them. She read some news about Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. She had a few audio clips that she played. She had some clips of Barack appearing on The View with the women kissing his ass the whole time. She wrapped up her news with a story about the death of Dith Pran a short time later and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
George was talking about Artie not being there this morning and how bad he felt that he didn't show up. He felt that it might be his fault that Artie wasn't there. Gary told George what happened last week when Artie read the bullet points for that PSA that he wants him to read. He said that Artie isn't going to be able to say the stuff in those notes from his heart. It's not going to feel real at all.
George said that he thinks of Don Imus when he thinks about it and now he doesn't want Artie to do the PSA. He said that the word Fag is a very hurtful word and it's like using the N-word. Gary said that Artie doesn't see it that way though. He said that it is hurtful but it's not like the N-word and it can be used in a non-gay way.
George said that when Artie came out to him he was very believable and played the part so well that he figured he'd understand how hurtful that word was. Gary said that Artie really felt bad about pulling that prank on him. He said that he felt like he went over the line with that. George said that he's glad that he did but it shows that he's a great actor. He said that there has to be a grain of truth in that though and he feels that's what was going on with him.
George said that he was hoping that Artie doing that PSA about the word Fag would help get in touch with people out there who wouldn't normally hear about it. He said that Artie is debasing himself when he does this stuff. He said that Artie makes himself look bad when he uses that word.
Gary said that Artie will say those things out of anger but he's really not a mean person and he's not trying to hurt anyone. He just uses them in anger. George said he agrees and it's obvious that he and High Pitch Mike don't get along. He said that it's not a homophobia, it's like throwing spears and darts at each other. He said he knows that deep down Artie is a very caring person.
Jon asked George if he realized that Artie had been out so often when he was there. George said that he didn't realize it until they pointed it out to him this morning. He said that he does think that he is a very unhealthy person. Gary said that being out 10 days in 15 months is a lot, especially when you only work 4 day work weeks.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that when Artie uses those words he knows that it's not really in the way that some people would take it. He said that it's something that a lot of kids use in school and don't mean it in a gay way. George said that a lot of straight people don't think about what it means to gay people but he thought that Artie would be a great role model for stopping it. He said that the education has to happen and they have to let people know that it's wrong.
The caller also said that they have to lay down that law to Artie and make him stop taking so much time off from the show. Gary said that they do have some pretty loose rules for him there and he's not sure they can crack down on him about that.
Ralph called in and said that Temple of Doom was the best of the Indiana Jones movies. He then said that he thinks that Artie is right when he says that the F-word for gay people really isn't like the N-word because most gay people can't beat you up if you use the word. He said that the word can mean that it's just femme or fruity or something like that and it's not that bad. He said that you just want someone to be a man instead of acting all effeminate and then you call them a fag. He said that people call him a fag all the time because he's a stylist. He has to take that crap all the time.
Ralph had some fun talking to George about that and calling him some names in a joking way. Jon took another call from a guy who said that they should ignore Artie's absence and not talk about that with him tomorrow. He said that they've gone over it before and they don't need to keep going over it. He said they shouldn't react to it at all. Gary said that would change the rules of the show though. They wouldn't ignore it if Robin was out. The caller said that it's different with Artie though. Gary said that they don't ignore anything like that on the show. The guys had to go to break a short time later.
Jon played a clip of Iron Sheik talking about being roommates with Beetlejuice for a night one time. Jon wondered why they had him rooming with him. Gary didn't know but said that they should cover those Killers of Comedy shows because there's so much going on behind the scenes.
Will came in and talked about the problem that Sheik had with him when he asked him a question during his pre-interview. He said that Sheik hung up on him when he asked a question about the gay stuff. Then today he got hit in the stomach with a beer bottle during the show today. Gary said that it looked like he was really trying to hurt him with that today. He thought that he would have hit him over the head with that if he had the chance.
Jon asked Richard Christy about his Donald Trump voice that he did today when he called in. Richard said he loves hearing him on the show. He said that he spent a night with him over the weekend and he was just the opposite of what he's like on the air. He slept most of the time back stage.
Jon took a call from a guy who was doing a Hulk Hogan impression talking about the Sheik. another caller said that he feels really bad for using that f-word that George doesn't like. He said that he doesn't use it to call gay people names but he still feels bad about it after hearing today's show.
Gary asked George about his coming out in 2005 and if he had been out before that. He said that they were kind of out already. He talked a little bit about that.
Jon asked George what kind of messages he's gotten from Brad today. George said he hadn't heard anything yet. He said he's sure that Brad would prefer that he didn't reveal all of the stuff he revealed today. Benjy asked him if they ever separated during the 21 years that they've been together. George said that they did split for a short period of time but that made him realize how much he really wanted to be with Brad and didn't want to screw that up.
Jon asked George if he's looking forward to Brad coming on the radio tomorrow. He said that Brad is very frightened to be on tomorrow because he's not the type to be on a radio show like that.
Jon said that Riley was pointing out that Howard is in charge of everything and made it sound like he believes that he put up all of the guys to do what they did to him. Whatever that was. Richard said that they didn't do anything to him at all.
Richard said that they want to tie a fishing string to the back of Riley so they can reel him back off stage when people start booing him. He said he and Sal were laughing their asses off thinking about how funny that would be.
Jim McClure said he got a call from Riley last night where he was going on and on about how Howard had something to do with all of that stuff. Shuli said that Riley thinks that he put that guy who took a picture with him up to doing what he did by grabbing his crotch. Jim said that Riley thinks that Howard had something to do with everything that went wrong and he controls every single thing that goes on there. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show talking about how Artie as back with them. They did a test show last night on their ISDN lines too and Artie was on for that. Howard said that they all have microphones in their house and they went on live at 7pm. It was just a test to see if they can do a show from their homes and SIRIUS wanted them to do a test in case there's a disaster and they have to broadcast from their homes.
A phone caller said that was a pleasant surprise to him. He said that Dice was there too. Howard said that was a strange thing going on and he didn't know that Dice was going to be on. He said that Ferrall also came on. He said they got a lot of e-mails about that show too.
Artie said that he thought it was someone doing a Dice impression or something. Ralph was on the phone and he started arguing with Dice and putting him down and stuff like that. He said that it got into a whole thing. Artie said that it's gotten into a thing with Dice where everyone has no problem bashing the guy. Artie said that it seems that it's over for the guy when that kind of thing happens.
Howard said he hadn't been on the SternFanNetwork in a long time so he went on last night and it looked like people enjoyed the show. He said that they were speculating that this was just a test to see how lazy they were. He said that's not the case because he has to be there for Howard TV to film him. He said he likes to come in and do the show live in the studio. He said he would prefer that.
Howard said that he can do the ISDN line thing to call Bubba's show and stuff like that. The whole thing is kind of strange and it's not as spontaneous as doing a regular show. He said that it's not an easy set up to do the ISDN line thing either.
Howard said that it was startling to have Dice on last night. He thinks that the show was a success. The caller asked if Artie didn't come in yesterday because he didn't want to get his balls busted about the Donny Deutsch interview. Artie found that funny.
Howard took another call from a woman who said that she had just switched over and found that show when it came on. She said that it sounded good to her and it was a great opportunity to test it out. She said she never thought it was laziness either.
Artie said that Sal was going off on this woman last night after Howard got off the line. He was using the C-word and yelling at her. Howard said that he really abuses his audience. The caller said that she was just talking about how Sal's voice didn't sound quite right and she wasn't really upset with him but he went off on her. Howard said that his anger is displaced and it comes out on the people that it's not really meant for. Howard said that Sal would need therapy to figure out where that anger should go.
Artie said that he's had a cold for about 6 months and the doctor told him that he has to get himself in shape to get rid of it because it's not going to go away by itself.
Artie said that he wasn't going to let anyone talk him into stressful weekends but someone did that this weekend. He said that he's going to get paid really well but he's got to go do all kinds of stuff this weekend. He has to fly out to Los Angeles to go do a show at a casino. The next day he has to go out and do Jimmy Kimmel's show. He said he does another show on Saturday and then fly home.
Howard told him to do less and charge more instead of doing this many things in one weekend. Artie said that his agent kept coming back to him with the Indian Casino thing and he's not sure what the guy is up to making deals. Howard told Artie that he's not the one to blame, Artie has to say no to some of this stuff.
Howard told Artie he has to stick to a plan of only doing a certain number of shows a year and stick to it. Artie said that he is taking off July and August this summer. He's not going to work any comedy shows for those two months.
Scott the Engineer came in and asked Artie what his problem is and why he's bitching. He said that his life can't be that bad. HE's getting laid all the time and making money. Artie told Scott that he's a weirdo and he gets mad at stuff out of the blue. Scott told him to go out and start calling more people fags.
George told Artie that he needs more time between engagements and he needs that time. Howard said that Artie hates those lectures and he turns his head from him. He turned back and looked at him as he continued to tell Artie that he has to make more time for himself.
Artie said that this might be some people's worst nightmare for him to be on the line like that. Ralph said that he's not going to get up at 6 o'clock to do this every morning. He said that when he wakes up he'll come on if he wants to. He said that he's getting paid nothing to do this though. He said it's like $1000 a week.
Howard said that Artie agreed to do this PSA thing and George has sent him a script but Artie didn't want to do that. Artie wanted to write it himself. George was talking about what was going on with that and how Artie kept putting it off and now they're not even talking to the people now.
George lectured Artie about the word and how it has a meaning to a lot of people out there that's very offensive. Artie said that he would rather quit the show than stop using that word. He said that he'll do that PSA just to shut George up. He said that he's like a broad and he won't shut up. He said that it seems like people who suck cock just won't shut up.
Al said hello to Robin and George but his microphone was giving him problems so Howard was getting upset with that.
Al told Howard that he gets up at about 3:30 in the morning and then goes and works out and does some stuff lie that before going to work. Howard said that it looks like he's been able to keep the weight off since he had his gastric bypass surgery. He said that he did well with that but he would not recommend it to other people because it is so dangerous. He said that 1 out of 100 people don't make it after the surgery.
Howard asked Al about the Today Show and how that has been going since Katie Couric left. Al said that the show keeps doing just fine even when people leave. He said that a lot of people have come and gone and it keeps on going.
Howard asked if Al is secretly happy that the show is still doing just fine without Katie. He said that's not the case at all. Al said that he's not like that at all and he could pass a lie detector test if he put him on one. Al was talking about that when Artie broke in and did his Ed Torian impression asking Al if he had ever called Katie a ni**er. There was a second of dead silence after that. Howard told him he was so out of context with that and no one had any idea what he was doing there.
Howard asked Al about how he got his job as the weather man. Al said that he didn't want to be on TV but his professor found him this gig when he was still in college. He said that he was doing the weekend weather and he was directing commercials and stuff at the same time. He was doing anything to just make a buck.
Al said that he left Syracuse and went to Washington DC and got a job there. He said that he was chunky back then but he just kept gaining weight over the years. He said that he wasn't having much luck with the ladies either. He didn't get many chicks in high school and didn't lose his virginity until his sophomore year in college. He said that she was drunk.
Howard said that Al getting the job must have been a surprise to him. Al said that he never thought about doing this job before he got it. He said that a lot of people started out doing the weather but then got ''real'' jobs.
Howard said that it must seem like it's a bad thing when Katie gets a job like she got. He asked if it's hard to stay there and ask for more money. He said that he must want to ask for like 10 million. Al said that he's not sure if he's the highest paid weatherman out there either. He said that he's pretty sure that someone like Sam champion is getting paid more than him.
Gary told Howard that Al's last deal was a $14 million deal for 7 years. He's got a new deal now. Howard talked to him about the 2 million a year and asked him if he would leave that show to make twice as much as he's making now. Al said that he doesn't think about the future, he just worries about what he's doing now. He said he likes Matt Laurer and he likes the other people he works with on the show.
Howard said he likes Matt Laurer too and he's been to his house a couple of times. Al said that's two times more than he's been there. He said he's not much of a Hamptons kind of guy though. Howard said that he thought that Matt was in good shape with his marriage but then he reads that he's splitting up from his wife. He asked Al if he's ever talked to him about that. Al didn't have any details about that.
Howard asked Al if Matt has asked him to come out to that house in the Hamptons. Al said that he's been asked but he's not a big fan of the parties where there are a lot of people so he doesn't go.
Howard asked Al about his production company and how many shows he's produced. He said that it's been maybe 30 or 40 shows and he's very happy doing that. He said that this is what he wanted to do when he was in school so he really likes doing it. Howard asked Al if he ever curses. Al said that he doesn't do so knowingly. He said that he might talk dirty at home a little bit. Howard asked him if he ever uses the C-word. Al said that he might do that on occasion.
Al said that he doesn't watch porn. He said that he doesn't do that because he's afraid. Afraid of getting caught. Howard said that he'd be really surprised if he found out that Al was into hookers like Elliot Spitzer was because you just don't expect that from Al.
Robin asked how Al picked up women. She asked if he was in the clubs and stuff like that. Sal said he picked them up in grocery store aisles. He said he's actually seen Robin in a grocery store.
Howard asked Al about his weight loss a little more. Al said that he still sees that fat guy in the mirror when he looks at himself. Howard asked him if he had a lot of extra skin when he lost the weight. Al joked that the extra skin was used to make Tiki Barber. The guys thought that was pretty funny.
Gary had some notes about Al and read some of the stuff that went on after the surgery. He had some dumping syndrome and had problems puking, and shitting afterward. Artie joked that he's had that all his life. Gary said that Al's wife says that his weight was the cause of many arguments. Howard asked if his weight loss saved his marriage. Al said that it did not.
Howard asked Al about this new show he has coming out called ''D.E.A.'' Al told Howard about some of the other shows he's done and how he had done this one show for Court TV and then came up with this show that's going to be on Spike TV. They followed DEA Agents in Detroit for about 6 months and made a reality show out of it. The crews had to wear flak jackets and equipment when they were going around with the agents. He said that they show everything and it's never been seen before. He said that it starts this Wednesday night on Spike at 11pm.
Howard said that it sounds like an interesting show to him and he's surprised that they let them film these people. Al said that they do blur out some people and it seems like it's scripted but it's really not. Howard said that it's getting some good reviews so far. Al said that they're very happy with the reviews.
Howard talked about how happy Al always seems to be. He said that he does have sadness though. Al said that he lost his mother about 3 months ago and he was very sad about that. His father died about 7 years ago.
Al said that he has a 21 year old daughter, a 9 year old daughter and a 5 year old son now too. He said he had to get going after that so Howard wrapped up and gave him some more plugs for his new show.
Al asked Howard if he would go out to dinner with him and his wife. Howard said that he would love to do that. He said that he thought that Al was angry with him so he didn't know that he'd want to go out with him. Howard said he went to that party that time and saw Al there and thought that he hated him. Howard said that he thought that Gayle King hated him but she turned out to be a fan. Then he saw Spike Lee and Al standing there and figured he should avoid that side of the room. He thought that Al was very stand offish that night but Al said that Howard was the one who just mumbled to him and didn't talk to him. Howard wrapped up and went to break after Al joked that he wouldn't recommend anyone getting the gastric bypass until he saw Artie, then he said that he would recommend it to him. They went to break a short time later.
Another caller told Ralph that so many people hate him and he knows that people are going to complain about him. Howard said that he had to finish up his commercial after that. He ran through that real quick and then Ralph threw in a comment so Howard told him that he really is annoying.
Howard had George do a quick announce for them. He did an announcement about Artie being related to Mayor McCheese.
Howard said that they were talking about this PSA that George wanted Artie to do about the word ''fag.'' High Pitch Mike did an open letter thing to George demanding that he not let Artie do this PSA. George said that Artie has to do it in a way that's believable but Artie doesn't think that he can do that.
Howard played the High Pitch Mike clip where he talks about how Artie really doesn't want to do this PSA. He said that Artie has no right doing it. He talked about some of the other people who have done PSAs for the Human Rights Campaign and Artie has no business doing it. He played a bunch of clips of Artie talking about how he doesn't want to do it and never has.
Artie laughed through the whole clip. Howard said that was a very powerful clip right there. George said that he thinks that both Mike and Artie are on opposite sides and they both need to calm down. Mike said that his hate isn't toward a whole group of people. Artie told him he's a weirdo. Mike said that Artie's humor stops being humor at a certain point.
Mike said that he can't even make eye contact with Artie. Artie asked him what he was looking at right now. He told him he was a blotchy faced weirdo and Ralph was laughing his ass off on the ISDN line.
Artie said that he hates Mike and that doesn't mean that he hates gay people if Mike claims he's not gay. Howard said that it sounds like Artie is just saying he dislikes Mike, not gay people. George told them that they need to find a way to come together. He used a French term to say that and knew that he had used the wrong word.
Howard asked Mike if he thinks that he and Artie could find a way to smooth things over. Ralph was still giggling over the ISDN line.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he did some I Hate Ralph shirts a while back and his head just about exploded when he heard that Ralph was on. Then he realized what the date was. He knew it was a joke after that.
Another caller said that AT&T had written an apology letter for inventing the ISDN line because of this Ralph thing this morning.
Howard said that he was really annoyed by Ralph's laughing and it was making him nuts so he had to bring a stop to it. Howard told Ralph it was a great joke and let him go. He said he knew it would drive people nuts, he didn't know it was going to drive him nuts.
Howard took some more calls and the fans seemed to think it was a pretty funny joke. Artie said that even he was fooled by it and though they were really going to do that.
Mike said that he gave Fred a clip of something to play because talk like this can really lead to people getting hurt. Artie told Mike that he's a bozo which made Howard laugh. Mike said he can't believe that Howard would laugh at something like that. Howard said that they two of them are funny arguing this way. Mike then made a comment about Artie's father falling off the ladder and how he had a choice to do that. Artie laughed at that comment.
Mike said that he had a clip from a talk show that they'd recognize. It turned out to be a clip from Ellen Degeneres' show where she talked about the death of a 15 year old boy who was killed for being gay. Mike said that this is what the gay bashing can lead to. Howard said that Ellen was more upset about the dog she gave away.
Howard told Mike that he's just as vicious toward Artie as Artie is to him. He asked if they wanted to have some closure. Mike said that he would stop saying things about Artie and Artie said he would stop too.
Howard said that he was told that Mike was seen coming out of a movie with another man the other day. Mike said that was just a friend of his. Howard said that as soon as someone sees him with a man they call the news and tell them that they saw him out with a man.
Howard said that they have a song that Mike performed about Artie. He sings about him being a fatso, a drug user and then tells him to fall off his roof and follow his dad. Howard said that was pretty bad. Mike said he was going to take the high road today. Then Artie told him that he's going to take the Hershey highway today and Mike backed off.
Howard said that he's tried to broker the peace there but it goes both ways. He said that he wanted to get an agreement between the two of them. Mike said that they had a truce a few months ago but that was broken and the two of them have broken it a few times.
Artie said that he thinks that Mike has a lack of intelligence and he needs to find someone else to speak for him. Mike said something about Artie using drugs on a Sunday night and not being able to come into work and George tried to get the two of them to stop. He said that they need Colin Powell to come and mediate this.
Mike was wearing a charity shirt for this Matthew Sheppard fund thing. That led to Artie asking him how he's going to be able to donate money. Mike said there are other ways to help other than giving money and he's going to bring awareness to the charity.
George said that Artie has so believable when he came out to him that he thinks that he could do that for the PSA. Artie asked Mike if he had anymore daytime talk shows to play for them today. Mike said that Ellen's show is more successful than anything that Artie has done. Howard tried to stop the two of them from getting into more of a fight and called an end to this whole thing. He let Mike go and said that he hopes that they can open up more of a dialog in the future.
George said that he hopes that they've cleared up that Mike is not gay. Artie said that he can go to as many movies as he wants with as many guys as he wants.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. They played a Blue Iris voice mail real quick before getting to her. Artie had been doing his impression of her a minute before that.
Lisa G got to her news preview and said that she has spoken to Dr. Keith Ablow about Artie missing a day of work. He said that Howard should be giving him some tough love. Howard said ''fuck him'' and said that Artie went to the doctor and he was really sick. That should be a wake up call for him and he should be losing weight to get over this illness of his. Lisa said that Dr. Keith doesn't know why Artie missed work but he said that they might have to have him drug tested.
Lisa said she spoke to the author of the book that was dedicated to Howard. She'll have more on that later. The guys ended up doing their Blue Iris impressions again for a minute.
Howard had this guy Joe the Clown on the phone saying that he was upset with Artie using the word ''bozo'' to describe Mike earlier. Lisa ran through a couple more things that she had coming up and then Howard went to commercial break.
Blue told Howard that she met Ron in a doctor's office when she was 17. Howard heard that wasn't the real story and Blue was ready to kill Ron when he said he would tell them the real story. Howard cut her off as she was about to tell that story and asked Blue about the peeing problem she talked about in the voice mail they played a little earlier. She said that she wasn't able to pee that day and that wasn't funny that day.
Howard asked how Blue and Ron met. Ron said that they did meet at the doctor's office but it was a gynecologist's office. Blue said that she met him there and both of them had been divorced when they met again. Blue said that she lost a baby because she was bi-polar and Ron was the man who adopted the baby. She said that she had some very complicated things going on in her life at the time.
Ron said that he hadn't kept in touch with Blue after he adopted the child but Blue found him. They ended up getting married and have been for 25 years. Ron said that nothing that Blue does upsets or surprise him so he doesn't have a problem with her being in porn.
Howard asked Ron why they're not married and having sex. Ron said that he never said they stopped having sex. Gary said that Ron actually has some porn out there too. Howard asked about that and found out that he had been with a 21 year old. Ron said that she was actually 18.
Howard said that Blue and Ron have been together for a long time and he wondered if they really knew each other. Ron said that no one can know everything about Blue. Howard said that his money is on George Takei and Bad but he wishes Blue and Ron luck.
Howard went to George and Brad and spoke to the two of them for a short time. He asked Brad if he heard the show yesterday. Brad said that he did. He said that he heard George say that he was kept on a short leash but now he realizes he has to make it even shorter. He said that he didn't know about the porn and the masturbation thing. He said he never really worried about it until yesterday.
Howard said that this was fascinating to him because it's almost as if Brad is mothering George when he tells him not to do the masturbation thing. Brad said that he just doesn't think about doing stuff like that.
Howard asked Brad if he felt betrayed when he found George masturbating. Brad said that he thinks he blacked out after that and can't remember it. George said that he finds out more about Brad all the time and thinks that he really only knows 50 percent of him. He said that he gets very upset with him over certain things and he changes.
Howard told Brad about the masturbation stories that George was telling yesterday. Brad was saying that he does masturbate as well. George said that he did not know that. Howard asked why he disapproves of George doing it then. Brad said that he doesn't disapprove of it, he just doesn't go there and doesn't discuss it. He said that he and George have a good sex life and they enjoy the intimacy.
Brad said that he does think of other men and he threw in a plug for HotMovies.com saying that's where he goes for the porn.
Howard said that no one in the room believes that Evil Dave's girlfriend is really his girlfriend. Her name is Angie and Howard told him that if he's going to stage something, he should do it with someone that they'd believe. Howard said that he had to bust him on this because Sal had met his real girlfriend and this wasn't her.
Howard said that they're doing a bit there with couples and he can't just bring a stranger in with him. Dave said that she's not a stranger. He said that they started going out in July and have been going out ever since. Howard told her to make out with him right then if they were really dating. Angie didn't want to do it and Artie said that she looked horrified, as if she was watching a beheading on Al Jezera.
Howard said that they can't go through with this and he knows that he's not dating this chick. Dave stuck with his story though. Howard told him that this was the worst thing he could have done to him today. They had this couples thing set up today and he was screwing it up.
Gary said that they have spoken to Dave about his girlfriend before and he's said that she works with him. This girl was asked if she works with him and she said that she didn't. She then said that she used to work with him.
Howard told Dave to swear to God that she was his real girlfriend. Dave swore on the life of his kids that she was and that they had been going out for 9 months. Sal came in and asked Dave who the woman was that he met. Dave said that she was just a friend who wanted to meet some people on the show. She was the one who wanted to push the chocolate stuff on the show. Sal said that she swore that she was his girlfriend but now Dave has this hot chick there.
Ralph was back on and told Dave to get out of there. He said it was obvious that they weren't a couple when they made out. Howard said that they were going to go on with this game even if Dave wasn't really going out with her.
Howard asked Angie if she's in love with Dave. She said that she was getting there. Sal said that he didn't believe that she would make out with him again but when Howard asked them to do it again, they went right in and made out. Sal said he had to hand it to them. Howard said that he was now convinced.
Howard said it was time to play the game. they were going to ask the spouses of the famous people to leave and they were going to go through some questions and have the spouses match up. The winners will get $5,000 courtesy of HotMovies.com.
Howard said that George has already learned something today and that was the fact that Brad masturbates. George didn't know that until today.
Howard asked the first question which was ''When you orgasm, where does the sperm go?'' He asked Dave that question. He said that he would have to say ''not in the throat'' because she's a clean freak. Artie and Robin were laughing their asses off about that. Dave then said that he'd have to say ''off to the side... on the bed.'' Robin wondered why he was guessing at his answer.
Howard asked George the same question and he said ''it goes in his mouth and then he rushes to the bathroom and spits it out and gargles with Listerine.'' Howard asked if he was upset about him not swallowing. George said that he's fine with it. He said that he does the same for Brad and then they cuddle. He doesn't swallow either.
Blue Iris said hat the sperm goes in her mouth as well. She threw in a plug for an upcoming show as they were asking her about swallowing. She said she does swallow as well.
Howard asked George what his partner's favorite sexual position is. George said that it's him laying on his back while he sucks him off. George said that he finishes himself off and then he goes to the bathroom and comes back and throws himself on top of him. The guys got some laughs out of that and wondered if he could get into more details.
Blue Iris said that her man's favorite position is doggy style. Evil Dave said that his girl's favorite is the missionary position. Artie said ''Missionary Impossible.''
Howard asked blue what she would change about her partner if she could. She said ''everything'' and then said that she'd give him more energy and good health. Howard asked Dave what he would change. Dave said that she gets a little bossy once in a while. George said that Brad is the same way and he has to agree with Dave about that one.
Howard asked Dave what his girl likes to be called while having sex. He said ''My little extra Christmas.'' George said that it was ''Oh Bradder.'' Blue said that it would be ''The governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger.'' She said that she was kidding and he doesn't like to be called anything. She settled with ''Ronnie.''
Howard asked George how many sexual partners his partner has had. George said he knows of at least 3 but he's not sure how many before him. He said he was going to stick with 3. Howard scratched the question because it was so unclear.
Howard asked George what annoys him most about his partner. George said that it's his high voice when he's yammering at him. Blue said that Ron always puts his foot in his mouth. Dave said that it's that his girl is a perfectionist. Artie thought he was going to say that she always calls the cops.
Howard asked George who Brad would like to have sex with. He said Brad Pitt. Blue said that she didn't have any idea who Ron would like to be with. She didn't have an answer. She threw in Britney Spears. Dave said that Angie would say Brad Pitt as well.
Howard had the guys bring in the spouses and mentioned HotMovies.com again. Blue threw in another plug for a show she had coming up. Artie told Angie that if she blinked 3 times real fast they would get her help.
Howard went to Dave and Angie and asked Angie for her answers. Her answer to ''When your partner orgasms, where does the sperm go?'' was ''In me.'' Howard said that was not a match and it goes on the bed. Dave said he didn't want to get her in trouble. Howard asked how he could get that one wrong. Howard asked Brad for his answer on that first question. Brad said that it goes in him, in his mouth. He had a match. Howard told Brad that he would spit it out too if he were Brad. Ron said that his sperm goes in Blue's mouth and he got a match as well.
Howard went to the second question which was ''What's your partner's favorite sexual position?'' and Brad said that he wasn't sure how to describe it. He said he likes lying next to George in bed, on his side. Howard said that wasn't a match. Ron said that he likes all fours and got a match. Angie said that her favorite was missionary and got a match.
Howard moved on to the third question which was ''If you could change one thing about your partner, what would it be?'' Howard asked Ron for his answer first. Ron thought and said that it would be the arguing. He didn't match. Angie said that it would be about her being too bossy and got another match. Howard said that looks like a real couple right there. Brad said that he kvetchs, or argues, too much. George said that he was too controlling so they didn't give them the match.
Howard went to the next, and final, question. The question was ''Name something your partner likes to be called during sex.'' Ron was up first and said that it would be ''Oh you Ron.'' He was wrong and didn't match. Howard went to Angie next. Angie said that he said that she calls her ''My Little Extra Christmas'' and got a match. Robin said that she didn't believe this for a second and they had to have gotten the questions ahead of time. Brad got his ''Bradder'' correct as well but Dave and Angie had won.
Everyone was blown away by Dave and Angie's win. Robin said this had to be an April Fools joke but Howard said that it really wasn't. Howard told George and Brad that they have to break up and they really don't belong together.
Howard said that it looks like Dave and Angie are really a couple and apologized to them for not believing them earlier. Brad and George were still going back and forth about some of their answers so Howard told them to talk about it in the break.
Howard wrapped up with everyone and gave them their plugs. Blue let out a nasty sounding cough during the plugs so Artie said that sounded like the remnants of a blow job from 1948 coming out.
Howard asked Angie about what she loves most about Dave's heart. She said it was his heart. Howard congratulated them on their win. Dave said that he was going to come out to see Artie out in Chicago when he's there. He said he'd prove to Sal that she was really his ''numero uno.''
Gary asked what the age difference is between Angie and Dave. Dave said that he's 49 and Angie is 28. Gary said that they were talking to Dave on the Wrap Up Show a few months ago and he was saying that he has to sneak out of the house to see his girlfriend. Dave said that he has to give his kids their privacy and he doesn't want to bother them with their friends staying over. Gary said that he could just say he was going out and leave them home alone.
Gary wondered why Dave would sneak out of the house like that. Dave didn't have an answer for that. Blue answered for him and said that you have to conceal the relationship when you have kids. Robin asked Dave what time he sneaks out. Dave said it would be around 11 or 12 at night.
Howard thanked all of the couples and Blue threw in another plug for her show The Twisted View on Gary Garver's web site. He sounded like he was going to go to break but had to ask Dave more questions about sneaking out of the house. Artie asked if he sneaks out so the kids don't see him taking Angie out of his trunk. He said he wasn't sure if he should be happy for them or call the authorities. Howard said he was happy for the two of them.
Howard asked Angie if she's a citizen or if she's looking for citizenship. He was just kidding about that. They wrapped up and went to break after that.
Jose was supposed to be on the show yesterday but he flew in on the Red Eye and didn't get in on time. He did Letterman's show last night after doing a couple of radio shows. He said he didn't get much sleep last night though.
Howard asked Jose about walking off a show on WFAN yesterday. He aid that they were bringing up some gossip stories about him so he bailed out of the show. He said that they were insulting his ex-wife Jessica and he didn't want to deal with that so he hung up on them.
Howard said that Jose's wife was on the show one time saying that he basically didn't have any balls and he never gave her an orgasm. Jose said that wasn't cool and two wrongs don't make a right so he's not going to bad mouth her today. He said that he's pretty sure that he's given her an orgasm though.
Artie said he's never been in the room when a woman has had an orgasm so he wouldn't know, but he figures that you'd know it if she did have one. Jose thinks that his wife was exaggerating and she was just angry at him for cheating on her.
Howard said that in Jose's new book, ''Vindicated: Big Names, Big Liars, and the Battle to Save Baseball,'' he says that A-Rod was trying to steal his wife. Jose said that's what he still believes. He said that he remembers him looking at her and telling him how hot she was. He said that he found A-Rod's number on her beeper so he asked her about that. He said he found out later that they had actually gotten together. Howard said that really sucks and that's the lowest thing a guy can do to another man.
Jose said that he spoke to Jessica about the story and she kind of admitted to it so maybe they should have her back on the show and ask her about it.
Howard said that he can't imagine a guy doing that to another guy and bang a buddy's girl. He said it was like he wanted Jose's life and that's why he did it. Jose said that he told A-Rod that he was going to make it big and A-Rod didn't even believe it at the time. He knew that the guy was going to be great and he doesn't blame the guy for trying to get his girl.
Jose said that he was stupid for cheating on Jessica because she was so beautiful. He said that women were throwing themselves at him and it was just insane. He said that these girls were paying off security at hotels to sneak into his room.
Howard said that he had that happen to him too. He said that he had a famous actress in his room when he went back one time. He said he had actually given her the key though so that was a little different there. He said that she was a famous actress but didn't want to give any other details about who it was.
Howard asked Jose about why he can't get any size at the gym and wondered if he could get something if he took steroids. Jose said that he would be about 275 pounds and a body builder if he had taken them. Howard said he wished that he had taken them when he was younger instead of doing the LSD and stuff. Howard asked Jose if he misses the juice. He said he doesn't.
Howard asked Jose about the girl he brought with him today. Jose said that's a girl he's seeing now. Howard asked him if he ever wants his wife back. Jose said that he knows he screwed up and he would like her back.
Howard asked Jose about the kind of money he's making now. Jose said that he's got enough that he doesn't have to work but it's not the kind of money he was making years ago. Howard said that it looks like he's not a very good businessman. Jose said that he's really not. He said he's made some bad investments. He talked about a few of the things that he lost money in.
Jose said that he's so angry with Major League Baseball that he got rid of everything related to it. He feels that they treated him the wrong way and he really hates them for that.
Howard asked to see this broad that Jose is banging. He had the guys bring her in. Jose told him to ask her if she's ever had an orgasm. The guys brought in Jose's girlfriend and Jose said he knew thy were going to bring her in. She said that she's part Asian. Howard said that her boobs didn't look Asian to him because they looked pretty big. Artie said that out of the two Asians in the room, he was next to the wrong one.
Robin asked how long they've been together. The girlfriend, Heidi, said it was close to 2 years. Howard asked if she gets an orgasm from him. She said that he does give her an orgasm. She said she wasn't lying about that either. She said that his balls might not be normal sized but they aren't that small.
Howard heard that Jose can't get it up but the girlfriend said that he can. Howard said that this girl is lovely and if Jose can't get it up, he can.
Howard got back to Jose and asked him about not being able to hang out with the guys he used to play with. Jose said that he still has nightmares about it and it has left a big void in him. He said he has dreams about playing and really misses it.
Howard asked Jose about the rumor that he won't get his advance for this new book until he does a certain amount of promotion for it. He said that's true and it's a standard thing to make sure he shows up for the appearances.
Howard asked Jose about his Martial Arts expertise and got some details about what he knows. He said that he can do some pretty cool moves. Howard got back to Heidi and told her that he wants to start texting her like A-Rod was doing.
Howard said he was going to take some phone calls but ended up talking to Jose about the way the game has changed since this steroid thing came out. Howard mentioned that he's going to be out signing his book at a couple of different places. You can find out more at JoseCanseco.com
Ralph called in and gave Jose some styling advice. He said that he was dressed very gay when he saw him at a gym out in California one time. He said that everyone was laughing at him there. Howard asked if that was true and his work out gear was kind of effeminate. Jose said that's not true. Gary said that Ralph is such a pussy that he's calling in from the other room instead of coming into the studio.
Irish John called in and told Jose that he ruined the game. He said that the 'roids have been in the game for along time and they're ruining the game by bringing this stuff out. He told Jose that he's a fuckin pussy. Jose said that he can't answer a low life like that and told Howard to get him off the air. Howard hung up on John.
Howard went to another call from a guy who asked Jose if he's afraid he's going to get cancer 10-15 years down the line. Jose said that it is 10-15 years after he started doing them and he doesn't have anything yet. He said that maybe in another 10-15 years he'll get something. He said that there are other things that are linked to cancer and they're not illegal.
A caller said that he was Pat Jordan and both Jose and Heidi knew who he was and told Howard about an article that he had written about Jose and her. Heidi said that he claimed that Jose was supposed to do an interview with him but he never did have one scheduled. Jose and Pat went back and forth arguing about who was right about the interview that was set up. Jose said that he was supposed to get the cover of the magazine to do the interview and claims that he told Pat that he wasn't going to do it if he didn't get the cover.
Jose wondered why the guy was even calling because he had nothing to say. Howard let Pat go and got back to Jose's book. He talked to Jose and Heidi about possibly getting married some day. Heidi said that she thinks that he's kind of crazy and it's not the right time to get married. She said that he has a lot going on in his life right now.
Another caller told Howard that he saw Jose on Letterman last night and it looked like he had camel toe down below because he has no balls. Jose said that his girlfriend calls that Moose Knuckle and just laughed.
Howard asked Jose about the steroid use and if he thinks that it was cheating. Jose said that he would probably consider that cheating but he didn't mean for it to be cheating. He went about things the wrong way.
Howard asked Heidi if she thinks A-Rod is hot. She said no and she would not have sex with him. Howard asked Jose if he would. Jose said no to that as well. He said that he has had men come on to him before but he's never given into that.
Artie asked if most of the homosexual players are on the Mets. Gary yelled out that it wasn't true. Gary came in and gave Jose his book and had him read a line that he had in there about Matt Laurer being an asshole. Jose said he didn't remember writing that earlier so Gary was pointing out that it was actually in the book.
Howard gave Jose some more plugs for his book and the book signing appearances he was making. He told Heidi he was glad that she came in and he'd like to call her his ''Little Extra Christmas'' (Referring to Evil Dave's earlier comments). Howard guessed that Heidi was a 34-C and she said that was about right but she might be a D. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said that Lou Dobbs from CNN was on talking about Barack Obama and he was about to say something like ''I'm sick and tired of these cotton pickin'...'' and he stopped himself after the word cotton. He played the clip and the guys spent a minute goofing on that. Howard said that the term is from Bugs Bunny cartoons and not a racial slur. He said that Benjy looked it up and found out that it wasn't meant as a racial slur. Benjy said that some sources say that but there are others who say that it was a racial slur and they just got recorded in the cartoons first. The guys talked about how those cartoons weren't politically correct.
Howard said that Beth told him that Jason Itzler was on The View yesterday and two of the girls weren't even looking at him. He said that comes off as kind of hypocritical to him. He said that they were having him on the show and talking to him so it was like he was their pimp too. He said that if you call people on to berate them, he doesn't understand that.
Artie said that they brought Amy Fisher on and that kind of turned his stomach. Howard said that it did that to him too but he was interested in talking to her even if he was sickened by her. He said that the women on The View were attacking the guy and it was kind of strange. He said that they were having the guy on to talk about the girl that they were accusing him of pimping out and it was like they were participating in it by having him on.
Howard played a clip from The View where Jason Itzler mentioned his name. Jason was talking about his escort business and then about this girl who Elliot Spitzer had been with. Jason told them that he couldn't say what it was that she was so good at that made her so great. Jason said that he talked about that on Howard Stern and couldn't talk about it on their show.
George said that Howard's show is a truth telling show and that's why people like that can come on there. Howard said that they're just hypocritical over there at The View by having him on and talking to him about pimping out this girl.
George congratulated Howard on the Department of Justice approval for the merger. Howard told him that they still need the FCC approval. Artie said it might be another 10 years before they get that answer.
Howard said that he thinks that this girl, Ashley Dupré, could still make out big with this story if it's played right. The Elliot Spitzer thing has gotten boring but people want more details so maybe she can do really well.
Howard said that Hulk Hogan has been out with a new chick lately and she looks very much like his daughter Brooke. He played a clip from TMZ where they played audio of some reporters yelling out Brooke's name thinking that it was actually her.