Howard started off the show talking about the Giants' winning the Super Bowl last night and how he had to stay up to watch it. He said that he could hear people screaming out on the street after they won. He said that it was a great game.
Artie said that he wants Robin to say that the Giants will never win the game next year like she did this year. Robin said that she must have brought them the win. He said that he's a huge gambler and he's been doubling his bets on the team ever since he first started betting on them.
Artie said that he won $1000 on the coin toss. He took the under on the game and he won on that bet as well as the coin toss. He said that let it all roll and doubled his money there. He broke his bookie and put him out of business. He said that he's never put a guy out of business before and now he has to work out a situation with the guy because of how much he won. He's not even sure what's going to happen there or when he's going to get his money. He got some of it but he's afraid that he's going to bet it all away.
The guys said that the bookie should have had the money to back up the bets that he was taking. Artie said that they had that discussion. .Artie said that he had some bets out in Vegas that he won too but those he got paid on. Artie said that he's up $78,000 right now since that first week of betting on the game. He said that he put $20,000 on the under alone.
Artie said that he's been up all night even though he was home at 7 in the morning Sunday. He said that he slept all day then got up at game time and stayed up all night after going to a party in his building. He talked about how great the game was and what a great win it was for the Giants.
Howard said that it really was an amazing win for the Giants with the way they came back in the last quarter. Some of the plays were amazing and he really didn't think that they were going to be able to take the lead the way they did. Robin said that she didn't think that they were going to be able to do it.
Artie talked about how the Giants were able to do that this year and the last time they won the Super Bowl. The guys all talked about how incredible the game was. Howard asked about the guy who caught the ball on his helmet because that was an amazing catch. They spent a short time talking about that play.
Howard said that the best tape to come out during the week of press conferences and stuff was Tom Brady talking about how there was no way they were only going to score 17 points after Plaxico Burress came out and predicted a score of 17-21. Howard played that clip where Brady laughed when he was asked about that score. Howard said that Brady had that ''I'm fuckin a super model'' smirk on his face during that press conference.
Howard said that if that was during cave man days, they would have taken that Giselle Bundchen chick away from Tom Brady and had the other team fuckin her right out on the field.
Howard said that he liked three of the songs that Tom Petty did but he didn't like the one he closed with. He said that he wasn't a big fan of that song and he could have closed with something better than that. Howard said that he thought the sound quality was really good. That led to him talking about how he went out to see Leslie West playing at a club last week and he couldn't hear Leslie singing in this little club he was in.
Scott the Engineer came in and said that he was reading an article about Tom Petty and they were saying that some of it was lip synced. Howard found that hard to believe but Scott said it sounded too good to be live. Howard said he can't believe that and wondered why he would do something like that. Fred said that they have to get all of that equipment out on the field in 5 minutes and they can't do a sound check that fast. He thinks that it's just the way they do business now.
Howard played some of the audio from the Half Time Show and said it sounded good to him. He still wasn't sure if it was lip synced.
Howard went on to talk about Jordin Sparks performing the National Anthem and how he thinks that she'd be super hot if she just lost 20 pounds. He said it looked like one of the line backers got up there to perform. He said he knows that it's politically incorrect to say that because people think that the weight doesn't matter, but it does. He said that it's about visual presentation and she looked like Michael Strahan in a dress. Michael Strahan with better teeth.
Howard had a clip of Jordin singing the National Anthem so he played some of that. He said that they should suit her up and get her out on the field. He guessed that she did that lip syncing too. He said that it's bizarre to do the lip sync thing after he played a little bit of Paula Abdul's performance in the pre-game show. He said that he could even do that himself. He said that it would be great if comedians did the same thing and just moved their mouths to a soundtrack of their comedy routine. Artie said that he hates that fake excitement with the fans they throw out on the field during the performance.
Artie said that those old Super Bowl parties they did in the past were great and he wanted to bring that back this year. They never did get to do that though.
Howard brought up some of the other commercials that he didn't like. The Doritos commercial didn't make any sense and he didn't like it. He said that there was an ad for an Angelina Jolie movie that's coming out and he wondered how many spies there are that look like her. He said that there's probably no sex in that movie and it's just not believable that she's a trained assassin.
he said that Godaddy.com is insane with their commercial telling people to go to the internet to watch their commercial. He kind of liked the FedEx commercial where they had the giant pigeons. He didn't like the Tide commercial with the talking stain. He said that the commercial for Iron Man looked good though. He said that looks really cool.
Jon Hein came in and told Howard that he liked the Coke commercial with the floats flying around. Howard said that was one that he liked but he thought that Under Dog would have beat out all of the other floats. He said that it was fun to watch that one but the ending was stupid. He said that Under Dog should have won, he's got super powers, Charlie Brown doesn't.
Howard said that the commercial that really pissed him off was this one with Naomi Campbell in it dancing. He said that she wasn't even dancing, she was just moving around. He said that she hit her maid with a cell phone and you can't reward her for treating people like that. He said that she should never be rewarded for something like that and he's not even sure what she was trying to sell in that commercial. Howard said that he won't buy anything that she sells. He said she did look ''very fuckable''' though and he'd like to slip her the salami.
Howard said that the Planters commercial was okay. He wasn't sure about the Charles Barkley commercial because he had no idea what it was selling. He didn't like the Justin Timberlake commercial because it was just dumb and stupid to him. He said that the will Ferrall commercial makes it look like all of his movies are the same. He said that he's physically funny but they all look the same. He said it would have been funny if his balls were hanging out of his shorts when he had his leg up on the bench during one of the commercials.
Howard said he liked the Shaq commercial but he hated the talking baby stuff. He said that the baby didn't do anything and it wasn't amusing. He said that made him really not want any more kids.
Howard said the best commercial out of the whole game was the NFL commercial for this guy Chester Pitts. He said he had no idea that this guy bagged groceries. He said that people should go back and find that one and watch it over again. He said that it was a reenactment of a real story and this guy who bags groceries is asked what game he plays. He says that he's just an Oboe player and the guy tells him to come out for some tryouts for his team, it turns out that he's a starter now. He didn't know his own dream and it was the most moving commercial he saw and it was terrific. The guys spent some time talking about this guy Chester Pitts and what a great story that was.
Howard said that he didn't understand what Plaxico was saying because of his bad English. He suggested that he take some English lessons during the off season. Howard pointed out that Plaxico is like Artie, he doesn't talk while he's crying.
Howard talked about how exciting that game was and how odd it was when Bill Belichick was when he left the field before the game was officially over. Robin heard that Tom Brady wouldn't shake Manning's hand either. They also talked about Mercury Morris' comments about the game. Howard played some audio of him from an interview where he said that he was very worked up over the game.
Artie brought up some great plays that happened during the game. He brought up some specifics and talked about those with the guys. They were also talking about how Peyton Manning was at the game watching his brother play. Robin said she thought that it was bad luck to do that but it's apparently not.
Howard said that he believes that New England was so demoralized by this that they won't have a good season next year. He said he's not sure if the Giants will have a great season next year either. He said that they'll have to wait and see. He said it must be miserable for the Patriots to lose after winning every other game in their season. He said that they were going to have either Belichick or Tom Brady call in if they won this morning. he's pretty sure that they won't call in today.
Artie said that the Kraft family knows how to run an organization and he's pretty sure they'll be great in the future. Gary came in and said that he put in a lot of time trying to make the phone calls happen this morning. He said that it looked like they were going to win and they should have had Tom Brady calling in. He said that Tom is a huge fan of the show and even knows people like Benjy. Tom didn't want some stuff brought up if he had called in and he knew that if Howard didn't ask about it, Benjy would.
Howard asked Gary if he was rooting for the Giants since he's a Jets fan. Gary said that it was just too exciting and he had to root for the Giants toward the end of the game. He said the game was just too good. Howard said he'll remember that game for years because it was that good.
Artie said that in 2 months he's going to ask about the pass that was caught on the helmet and see if Howard remembers. Howard said he'll forget by then. He won't know the name of the guy who made that catch, David Tyree.
Gary said that the game wasn't all that exciting in the first half. He said that it was 7-3 for 3 quarters and that's not exciting.
Bobo called in and told Howard about one of the commercials he kind of liked with the screaming squirrel. That led to them talking about some of the other commercials that they didn't like, like the Cave Man stuff.
Fred mentioned the commercial where they had a couple of things in the road that a driver was avoiding and then he speeds up when he sees Richard Simmons in the road.
Robin said that the Paris Hilton appearance was boring. She said that she had to watch it to see Artie and she was watching it live so she had to watch Paris. Howard said he watched it even though he taped it. He said that they watched the whole thing. He said that Dave gets big ratings when she's on and that's why he has to kiss her ass. Artie agreed and said that his agent was thrilled that he was going to be on the same night as Paris.
Howard said that if he got an interview with Paris, it would be a one time thing because he wouldn't hold back and he wouldn't be kissing her ass. He went on to play some clips of Dave's interview with Paris where he was apologizing to her for what he had done to her during her last interview. He didn't let up on some questions about her stay in prison the last time. He asked her to talk about her new movie and didn't go back to the prison discussions. Howard said that they showed a clip of Paris' new movie and someone should be arrested for making it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he'd like Robin to say that she doesn't think there will be a Subway series in the World Series this year because that will probably mean it will happen. He was also talking about some of the plays in the Super Bowl and how great they were. He talked about how good Eli Manning was in the game and how he came out from his brother's shadow by pulling out this win.
The caller was talking about a commercial that he had seen that he liked and explained it to Howard and the guys. They spent a few seconds on that and talked more about the Giants win.
The caller told Howard a story about these guys that he watches the game with every year. He said that they all got SIRIUS radios after he played it at a game that they went to last year. He thanked Howard for everything that they do.
Another caller said that Tom Brady just choked during that game and he sucks. Artie said that he doesn't suck, he just didn't have a good game. Howard said that the Giants had a groove going. The caller also thought that the nut commercial was kind of gay because it had guys liking nuts.
Howard took a call from a guy up in Canada who said that they get different commercials up there. Howard ended up bailing out on that call because he had no idea what the guy was talking about.
Howard got back to the Paris Hilton interview with Letterman and played some more clips from that. Paris was talking about all of her fragrances and she tells him that she likes to smell different every day of the week but she only had 5 fragrances. Dave talked to her about her many products like her hair extensions, cell phone video game, record label and sparkling wine in a can.
Howard asked how she has all of this shit going on. He said that Dave won't goof on her and actually called her personally to apologize for the last interview. Howard said that she said that she likes funny guys at one point. When Artie came out he mentioned that comment. Howard played the clip of Paris talking about funny guys and said that this is the level of conversation a husband would have to put up with.
Howard played a clip of Artie coming out and talking about her comment about liking funny guys and how she'll say that but then she'll be out with Stavros Nitros and you think that he must be hilarious. Howard said he was looking for any sign of distress on Artie's face on the show after what happened with Vinnie sending the e-mail to Dana and fucking up that relationship. He didn't see anything though.
Howard played a clip of Artie being interviewed out in Vegas about Heath Ledger. He was saying that now he'll get some new offers for roles now that Heath is gone. He joked about having auditioned for Brokeback Mountain and had fucked Jake Gyllenhall's ass and face. Howard said he liked that.
Howard played more of Artie's Letterman appearance where he was talking about his weight gain. He told the joke about how he's gotten mistaken for Rosie O'Donnell out on the street. Howard sneezed in the middle of that clip and said he loves doing that because it's almost like cumming.
Howard got back to the Artie clip and said that Dave seems to be a lot different with Artie than he is with Paris. He doesn't treat him quite as well. Artie said it might be Dave's time to rest during his segment. Howard thought Artie did really well with that appearance. Howard said he had to take a break a short time later.
Syrus said that he doesn't think that it really does anything but Howard disagreed. The two of them went back and forth about that a little bit. Robin said that she doesn't think that it does all that much. That led to Howard playing some clips of Sal going up to Harlem and asking some people up there if they think there should be a White History Month. Almost everyone said that every other month of the year is White History Month. Some of the people were also upset that Black History Month was in February, the shortest month of the year.
Howard said it's funny that no one thinks that there should be a White History Month. Howard said that they always try to do their best during Black History Month. That led to him playing a clip of a special tribute to porn star Lexington Steel. Howard said that he's a great man and that's why this is so important.
Howard played another Black History Moment where they explain how radio was invented. The bit featured Sal's late Uncle Paulie playing the part of Marconi and his radio gets stolen by a black guy.
Jim was telling Howard that there's an injustice going on here with the merger not being approved while other companies have been able to merge in much less time. Howard said that he's heard that the Exxon/Mobil merger went through much faster and it's got to be more of a monopoly than this merger. He said that he's not sure where on the priority list this merger is with the government. Howard said that it's not a monopoly at all and they should have a ruling one way or the other by now.
Howard said that Bush has always been for big business yet they're holding off on his merger approval. Jim said that the two biggest names in the washer/dryer business have merged and there were no talks or anything and now the prices of washers and driers have gone up!
Howard said that he's now seeing how this lobbyist thing works and how frightening it is. Jim said that it seems like the radio industry is trying to stop Howard from getting even more popular and they're doing what they can to delay the merger so maybe both companies are put out of business.
Jim said that the people in terrestrial radio don't want Howard to succeed. They know that he can win in the morning drive time market and they don't want that. Jim said that he's not allowed to own any stock in either of these companies so he's not going to benefit from talking about this stuff. He said that there really is an injustice here and he just had to talk about it. He said that they have to approve it in his opinion. They can't deny this merger.
Jim said that this merger is going to save people money and it's not like this is going to be any type of monopoly, people don't have to buy satellite radio. They have iPods in their cars now and that's what's competing with satellite. He said that this is really the last stand for regular radio too. He said that they're doing anything they can to stop the whole thing. If Howard was in ever car, he'd dominate the morning drive.
Howard and Robin were wondering how Jim is worth over $100 million. Jim told the guys that he's made some good deals in his life and he's got a big steak in TheStreet.com.
Howard asked Jim about last night's Super Bowl so Jim talked about how great that game was. He said that he loved the game and it was the first game that he watched to the end. Jim said that he can't bet on a game like that because he's out in the public eye too much. Howard told him about Artie being up $78,000 on the game and asked him what he should do with that money. Artie thinks that he should let it roll on the pro-bowl. Jim said that he'd be better off putting it into the stock market. He said that stocks are down right now and he thinks that he should invest in any company that's involved in housing. He thinks that by the end of the year the market will be back up.
Jim said that Artie should go with Hudson City Bankcorp and Black and Decker. Artie wrote that stuff down. Howard said he wanted to do an intervention with Artie. He said that he's got good money and if he took that and let it roll on Black and Decker instead of sports, he'd probably be better off. He said that this is a little bit of a roller coaster ride but it will probably pay off in the end. Jim said that he believes in this and thinks that they'll come around. He said that he should see a return of about double in 18 months on Black and Decker.
Artie said that he just bought a home and he's got a long term investment there. Jim was also saying that now is a good time to invest in SIRIUS. He said that he stock should shoot up if the merger is approved.
Jim said that if someone gets one of these $600 refund, they're probably going to buy tools to make their houses better.
Howard said that he doesn't understand stocks or Wall Street at all. He asked Jim what he did with stock trading and things like that. Jim said that he started in 1981 and it wasn't a get rich quick thing back then. He said he was managing people's money and he only had one down quarter in the years he was doing that. He said that he made 20 percent on the stuff he was dealing in and that's how he made the $100 million he was talking about earlier.
Artie asked Jim for some advice on what to do with like $300,000 to invest. Jim gave him some advice on that and suggested some stocks like Disney because they're down right now but he thinks that they'll rebound. He said that McDonalds is down and they'll probably come back. Artie said he was reading that Microsoft wants to merge with Yahoo. Howard said that will probably be approved really fast. Jim said that the government doesn't care about that because they don't own any congressmen like the radio industry does.
Gary came in to ask Jim for some advice. He said that his wife used to work for Citigroup and now it's worth about 20 percent less than it was 5 years ago. He wondered if he should hold on to it. Jim told him that he should hold on to it and it may get back up to $40 and then he should sell. He told him to hold on to it right now though.
Howard asked Jim about what he was like in school and if he got laid a lot. Jim said that he did actually. He said he was a runner in high school and that led to getting some girls. Jim didn't want to talk too much about that and tried to get back to the merger discussions.
Howard asked Jim about when he made his first million. He said that he was 31. Howard asked him what year was his biggest ever. He said that he made $21 million one year and that was the biggest ever. He said that he retired after that. Howard asked him about going to Harvard and asked about some of the other things he did when he was in school. He was a journalist and he was one of the first reporters on the scene of the Ted Bundy murders.
Jim said that he used to gamble on sports back then in school but he's not able to do that these days. He said that if he did, that would bring immediate scrutiny to him and his show, which he loves. He said that he's getting his high from the stock market now. He said that he loves to hear the Coke and Pepsi battles and stuff like that. He said that they're just pieces of paper though and they're not teams that he can root for like in football.
Jim got back to the merger stuff but Howard asked Jim who he thinks is the hottest chick in Hollywood right now. Jim threw out Halle Berry and Scarlet Johansen as a couple that he likes. Howard changed subjects again and said that Rudy Giuliani almost hired him but he didn't like his grades from Harvard. Jim said that he had a couple of B's back then and he didn't want him because of that. He said he interviewed with Romny as well but he didn't want to devote his life to Romny like he wanted him to.
Howard said that this merger is a travesty. Jim said that it's an injustice and it's really just wrong. Howard said that he's wondering what else the government is dealing on like this. Howard said he thinks that there's a lot of devious things going on behind the scenes of this whole thing.
Jim said that they're claiming that this is all for the good of the American people that they're trying to stop this merger but it's really not the case.
Howard gave Jim some plugs for his show that airs on MSNBC each week night. That led to Howard talking about how hot some of the women are over there at MSNBC. He asked Jim about who he thinks is the hottest chick there but Jim didn't want to go there. Howard asked him about Robin's weight loss and Jim said that she's looking hot.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Jim has nailed that hot chick Erin Burnett over there at MSNBC. Jim said that she's a very nice person and she works incredibly hard over there. He said that he loves her. He said that he's been married for 20 years but he's separated now. He said that's not an easy topic for him to talk about. He said that she's an incredible woman and he has nothing bad to say about her. He said that she helped him out every step of the way and he has no problem giving her $50 million because she deserves every bit of it.
Howard asked if Jim fell for someone and ended up leaving his wife because of that. Jim said that's not the case at all. He said it was about his love of working that may have helped end it. He said that he still talks to his wife every day and they have kids together so he's not going to say anything bad about her at all.
Robin said that she thinks that Howard's time line about when and why he broke up with his wife was off. Jim thanked her for that. They talked about Jim's wife a little more and he gave them a little history about what she did to help him out to get him out of some jams that he's been in. He said that she's a fabulous woman. Howard said that if she's fabulous to him, she's okay with him.
Gary said that he heard that it's tough to work for Jim and Jim basically said that it is tough to work for him.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the merger again so the guys spent a few more minutes on that. Jim said that the terrestrial radio people really are petrified thinking about how they could have millions of radios in cars if the merger goes through. He thinks that they're trying to delay it and they'll have to go out of business and not be able to pay Howard to do what he's doing.
Howard asked Jim about his book ''Jim Cramer's Stay Mad for Life: Get Rich, Stay Rich (Make Your Kids Even Richer).'' Jim said that it's advice about how to get your kids into the stock market so they know how it works from an early age.
Jim said that he thinks that they should have a decision on the merger by June. He said that they have to stand up and point out to the American citizens that it's ridiculous that they're holding this up as long as they are.
Bobo brought up the Victoria's Secret ad that aired and talked about how hot that chick was. Howard said he wanted to know who she was and Beth told him that it was some chick that Lenny Kravitz was banging. Howard said that he can't believe that Lenny couldn't be happy with that for the rest of his life. Howard said she was super hot.
Bobo asked what was going on with Artie and Dana so Howard asked him to talk about that. Artie said that he and Dana talked to each other last week when he was on his way to the airport. He said that she finally called him back after he had called and left messages for her. He said that it was bad and it deteriorated to her crying even when he said that nothing was going to happen with those girls. He said that he would have told her about what had gone on but she thought that he had gotten caught doing something wrong.
Howard said that Vinnie is the one who was taking it so seriously that he was going to try and get those girls but Artie knew that nothing was going to happen. He said that Vinnie doesn't even work for the show and he was taking things into his own hands to make things happen for him.
Artie said that his driver was listening to this call he had with Dana and he told him that's what happens when you get married. He said that he'd be fucked if he got married.
Artie said that this weekend could have been the best weekend of his life so it really sucked that this whole Dana thing was going on. He said that he got a lot of calls about his Letterman appearance, he made good money to do the comedy show and to make an appearance at a club out there. Then he won his Super Bowl bets and things were really going great for him.
Artie said that he told Dana to call him at any time if she wanted to talk but she never did call. He said that the last big conversation they had was with her crying. Artie said that he took pictures with everyone at this club he was appearing at and it was like wall to wall pussy there.
Howard said he feels really bad for Artie because he's kind of in limbo again with this relationship with Dana. Artie said that this is a major cloud that's hanging over what could have been the greatest weekend of his life. He said that he didn't mean for it to sound that way because he still loves Dana.
Gary came in and told Howard how funny it was with Artie out there. He said that they got in at the same time out in Vegas so they were going to hang out but then he heard from Artie that he had all of this stuff going on with his house, Dana, lawyers and more. Gary said Artie told him to just go out and have fun without him. Gary ended up going out with Teddy, Dan the Song Parody Man and JD and no Artie which wasn't what he expected his night to be.
Artie said that he and Gary were going to hang out on Friday and just bullshit over a 3 hour lunch or something. Howard said he just figured out Artie's problem and told him to maybe keep the lunch to an hour.
Gary said he was in the room across from Artie and he ended up getting bored since Artie had his privacy sign up on his door. He said that he called Nick DiPaolo to come over to his room and they ended up watching some movies together. He said that Artie's privacy sign was up on his door all day so that lunch never happened. He said that they went out and did their gig that night and then went to a club that they were appearing at. Artie ended up going to bed again and slept until they had to catch their flight. They never had their 3 hour lunch.
Artie talked about his gambling and how he went to his room and fell asleep and slept right through the lunch time that he wanted to have with Gary. Artie said that he slept right up until 7:30pm and he had to do his show at 8. He said he had to do 2 shows and then go to this club. He said he went to sleep at about 5am and slept until 4:30 in the afternoon. He had dinner and then caught his flight back on Saturday night.
Howard said he finds it odd that Gary is bored all the time. Gary said that he gets up really early in the morning and he really had nothing to do all day. Howard said that he'd be outside and going to lunch and things like that, he'd never be bored. He told him that he really needs to learn chess.
Gary said on Friday night he had this thing to do with Jeff Beacher out there. He said that Beacher has midgets with him all the time and he has them going around with the cars and stuff like that. Artie talked about how they're all crazy alcoholics and being exploited. They have one that's called Mini-Trump and he's got a wig on that looks like Trumps.
Gary said that one of the midgets, who was dressed like an Oompa Loompa, was saying that he was going to knock out Mini Trump. Mini Trump told him he'd take him on but then backed out. Gary said that he just wanted to go to his gig and get it over with but they kept going with the arguments back and forth.
Artie said that there's a midget who looks like Britney Spears and he was attracted to her. He said he'd fuck her if he had the chance. Gary said she really was cute too. He said that it's not obvious in this picture they have of her that she's a midget. Howard said that he could see it when he saw the picture. He said he's pretty sure he couldn't do her.
Howard heard that Dan the Song Parody Man was boring them all with bad stories. Gary said that he really is a nice guy but he's always got stories about getting laid and they have no point at all. He said he thinks that Dan wants to be a stand-up comedian and he tries to slip in his jokes into conversations. He said that it's kind of obvious that he throws in jokes as a test on them.
Ralph said that he finds it odd that Gary can't just shut up for 2 minutes. He said that having Nick DiPaolo up to his room proves that he can't. Gary said that he tried reading and finished a book in 2 hours. He watched some movies and did stuff like that but he still got bored.
Gary said that he tried to get a massage, they were all booked up. He said he wanted to get a shave but they were booked up until Sunday. He said he tried to do stuff but ended up getting bored. Howard said that he can't imagine what fun it is to sit with Nick DiPaolo. Howard said he never gets bored in his life, there aren't enough hours in the day.
Gary told Ralph that he never gets bored because he has no goals in his life. He said that this is a retarded conversation. Artie told Gary that he's just not a Vegas guy and that's a compliment. He said that he's not the type of guy who will get a whore and waste his money with that.
Howard said that Gary should get a hobby or something. Gary said he has one, he reads, but he read his book in 2 hours. He did all of that stuff that he's telling him to do. He said that he was up at 6 in the morning and didn't have to be anywhere until 8 at night. Howard told him to shower or something simple.
Howard said that chess is a mental thing but Gary told him that playing chess is just as trivial as anything else he does.
Sal said that Ronnie was there at the club and he was drinking with his wife. He said that he got her a lap dance and his wife was having fun at the club, even if it was with Ronnie. Sal said that it was about quarter to 2 in the morning and he had to catch a train back home. He said that his wife ended up getting into a cab with some other guys while he was waiting for his friend Chris to get a lap dance. Then a girl showed up and he got a dance from a girl himself.
Sal said he missed the train that he was supposed to catch with his wife. He said he ended up doing some shots and getting more dances and kind of blacked out. Sal said that his friend called him that his wife was puking on the train. Then he realized that it was quarter to 4 in the morning and his wife was probably home already.
Sal said that he got home around 6:15 in the morning and he ended up missing out on the puking and his wife was on the bed with red maraschino cherries on her lips from puking.
Ronnie came in and said he told Sal not to bring his wife to the strip club. He said that he told him that he can't bring 100 people with them to the club but he did it anyway. Sal said that he ended up bringing 6 people with him. They had some interns there too. Sal said that he tried to give his wife a good time and that's what happened.
Ronnie said that Sal's wife was drinking one after the other and she didn't care where her husband was. No one knew where Sal was. Sal said that he knew where he was, that's what counts. Ronnie said Sal's wife was drinking shot after shot as well as the other drinks she was having.
Howard told Sal that he should have spent more time with his wife at the club. Will came in and said that Sal's wife was commenting about the lap dances they were getting and saying things like ''Wait until your girlfriend hears about this...'' and he just wanted her to get the fuck out of there.
Sal said that he called his friend who was with his wife and she was saying that if she had a job, that cocksucker would be out of there. Sal said he asked her about that and she said that she's got two jobs already and she's not going anywhere.
Ronnie said that if Sal had worked on his wife that night, he could have gotten some off of her. Sal said he didn't think he would have gotten laid either way. Ronnie told Sal that his wife was really messed up at one point and told him to take her home but Sal said she was fine. Then he takes her outside and puts her in a cab with some other people.
Ronnie said he called Sal to find out how his wife was doing and found out that he was still in the club. He didn't end up going home with her and he couldn't believe it.
Ralph said he can't believe that Gary was bored in Las Vegas. He said it's the entertainment capital of the world. Gary asked what he's supposed to do at 11 in the morning in that entertainment capital of the world. Ralph told him he could go shopping but Gary cut him off and said that he can't go shopping. They spent a few more minutes on that and then moved on to other things.
Howard asked Robin a few questions about the night and wondered if she held hands in front of his mom. She said she didn't. She doesn't kiss people in front of other people either. She said that they did hold hands during the game though. Artie said that this is big, he's holding hands with her during the game and he's probably never done that before.
Howard said that this is a big story. He asked if she went into the kitchen with the sisters and mom. She said she did that before the game and Howard said he had no idea that it was up to this. This is all very serious. Artie said that he thinks it's a wonderful thing here. He said he wouldn't have even bet his 78 grand on this working out.
Gary asked Robin if she and Jim would do this newlywed game that they have coming up. Robin said she doesn't want to do that. Gary said it would be great. Artie said that he and Dana did really well after just a few months of dating because you get to know a person so well in that time. He said he's jealous that she's got this with Jim. He said that he can only do that with a whore.
Howard said that sounded bad but he read through the letter that the girl, Robyn, sent to them about their date. She seemed to be confirming Benjy's story.
That all led to Robin talking about how Ivy Supersonic is still upset about Benjy going out with this girl. She said that Ivy was sending her all kinds of mail about that over the weekend. Benjy laughed and said that he doesn't want to hurt Ivy. The guys thought he was laughing at her but he just said that he hopes that he's not hurting her.
Artie said that chick Robyn sent him some stuff and gave him a book report on a book that she liked. He said that she's really interesting.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Robin she's so happy for her. She said that this is the year of Robin and Jim and not so much about Howard and Beth. That led to the guys talking about getting Jim on the show and trying to find out if Jim knows Robin as well as Robin knows Jim. Robin wasn't sure if he'd know her as well as she knows him. Howard wants to find out so he told Gary to book it.
Dominic Barbara called in and asked if anyone believes that this woman Robyn is into Benjy. No one believes it but Benjy said that he has a good sense about that stuff and he really thinks that she's into him. He doesn't think that she was just using him to get on the show or anything like that.
Howard told Benjy that Robin is the one whose relationship matters today and he didn't want to talk about his date. He asked Robin more about her time with Jim's family and what went on there.
Richard Christy came in and told Howard about this friend that Jim has who calls himself Crack Finger because he sticks his finger up his asshole and sticks it in people's faces. Robin said that she hadn't even heard about that guy. Howard said Jim probably broke up with that guy when he started dating Robin. Richard said that guy also walked around Rocklahoma and pissed all over the place with his cock hanging out of his gym shorts. He said that this guy also had a giant zit on his forehead when they flew out there and he popped it in the airplane bathroom and got puss all over the mirror. Howard wondered what's up with these guys. He had to go to break a short time later.
Red said that this is the results show for the song of the year poll they ran. Howard played some of the songs that are up for the song of the year. One of them was ''Pet Problems'' and Red explained who the performer was and what the song was about.
Howard also played another song called ''Fuck the Shit'' and Red explained where that one came from and who performed it. Artie got a laugh out of that one when Howard played it. Howard said he thinks that one might win and Artie should let his $78,000 ride on that song.
Red said that people voted a few weeks ago and they've combined the votes with those and some judges votes and they'll announce them tonight on the show. Howard told him it sounds like a fantastic event and it's almost like their own little Grammy's show.
Red said that he went back to 2006 and found out what the winners were up to and played some new songs from those winners. Howard gave Red some plugs for his web site RedPeters.com and his Myspace page at Myspace.com/RedPeters.
Red and Artie talked about the Super Bowl and Red was saying that it was really a depressing loss for him. He said that he felt sick to his stomach over the loss since he's from the New England area. He said it was just awful and the fans are upset up there. The guys spent a few minutes talking about the game and even Red said that it really was a great game even though the Patriots lost. He said he's never felt as bad as he did last night, even when he's had people in his life die.
Artie said he knows the pain he's feeling, he's felt the same thing with games like that. Red said that it was such a let down especially after they didn't lose any games during the season. He didn't have any money on the game like Artie did though.
Howard asked Red if he would take oral from a man if he could change the outcome of that game. Red thought about it for a second and said no. Artie told him that was the right answer. Howard let him go a short time later.
Gary came in and said that Jim was telling someone that Steve is going to kill this relationship if they keep going after them the way they do. Steve said he understands that but they do cover the news there, that's what they do.
Steve said that they have a story about Miss Howard Stern claiming that she was almost kidnapped. He said that they have tape of Shuli speaking to her while she was almost kidnapped. They also have a suicide note from Sal the Stockbroker to Gary on Thursday night. He read the note that Sal had sent and no one is sure who actually sent the note. Sal denies having sent it. Gary said it did spook him but it turns out it wasn't really Sal.
Steve said that they have a story about Bob Levy finally leaving his basement and moving into an apartment. They also have a story about Yucko the Clown and his web site DamnShow.com getting hacked and threatening notes being sent to them about the Tom Cruise parody they had up on the site. Their site is back up and running now.
Howard had Jon Hein come in next with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon said they'll talk about Artie's big win in the Super Bowl bets. They'll talk about Howard's coverage of the game and also about Artie's Las Vegas weekend. They'll talk about Gary getting bored in Las Vegas and how unthinkable that is. Gary came in and defended himself again since Howard was goofing on him about that. Howard told him that if he's bored, he should just go out and chew on a tree.
Jon said that they'd talk about Jim Cramer's interview today. Howard said he thinks that he was a great interview but he'd only give him a 95 score since he didn't talk about his sex life.
Gary said that he heard from the Howard 100 News team that they're going to back off of them a little bit. He said that they actually got a note from someone who said that they saw Robin and Jim at Jim's brother's house, but they held off on reporting that. Robin couldn't believe that and said she was shocked that they've turned so many people on them.
Ralph called in and went off on Gary again so Gary went off on Ralph. He said that Ralph is Sam Simon's bitch and went off on him about some other stuff as well. Ralph said that Gary should have had his computer with him and could have watched his Slingbox stuff on there instead of sitting in his room waiting for Artie like a girl. That led to Howard doing his impression of Gary and making some phony journal entries about his waiting for Artie.
Howard said that at least Ralph has some passions in his life. Gary said that Ralph hasn't achieved anything in his life though. Howard said that doesn't matter, he's got a passion for doing something and he doesn't have a problem sitting home and doing stuff alone. He doesn't get bored doing that. Gary said that he got bored once and all of a sudden he's bored in his whole life. He told Howard that playing chess to him is no different than playing Tidily Winks or Pinochle.
Gary said that just because Howard likes Chess, it's the best game in the world. IF he wasn't into it he'd be saying it sucks. Howard told Gary to go get a hobby. That led to Fred playing a clip of Jack Nicholson from the movie ''Carnal Knowledge'' where he's yelling at his wife to ''GET A JOB!''
Jon wrapped up his Wrap Up Show preview and ran down a bunch of stuff they'd be covering today. Then Howard had Robin get into her news.
Robin started her news off with a story about an AskMen.com poll about the most desirable women of 2008. She ran down the names in the top 5. Jessica Alba, Eva Mendes, Kate Beckinsale, Alasandra Ambrosia and Katherine Heigel were in that top 5. Howard and Artie commented on each of the women. Howard said that he doesn't get Jessica Alba at all, especially now that she's pregnant. They talked about some other hot chicks like Carmen Electra and Howard thinks that she looks good but Artie said she's lost it as far as he's concerned.
Robin read a story about 50 Cent making Paris Hilton cry at some party out in Arizona over the weekend. That led to the guys talking about Tom Brady and his girlfriend Giselle Bundchen. they were wondering if Brady is going to break up with her now that he's lost the big game. They spent a short time going over that. Robin had some clips from the big game that she had Howard playing.
Howard and Artie asked Robin more about hanging out with Jim Florentine and his family. They wanted to know if she had to take a dump at the house or anything like that. She laughed and said that was crazy, she didn't have to go while she was there. Artie said that it's the worst when you first find out that your girlfriend is shitting somewhere.
Robin had Howard play some more clips from the game. She played one of Alicia Keyes performance from the pre-show. She had some clips of Peyton Manning talking about his brother Eli. They had to take a commercial break around 9:55am.
After the break we heard a prank call that Sal and Richard made to Jonah Falcon's TV show ''Talkin' Yankees.'' Howard came back and said that they're looking for people to play Win Fred's Money. If you have a girl that would be willing to get naked if you lose, just email them at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Howard played some audio he had of 50 Cent goofing on Paris Hilton at this party over the weekend. He said that it wasn't very clear though. He thinks that he said that she looked stupid or something but he wasn't sure exactly what it was. He said that's why he was debating playing it.
Robin got back into her news and read a story about a senator who is introducing legislation that would allow churches to play the Super Bowl on their big screen TVs. The NFL has been sending churches letters telling them that they can't show the game to big crowds.
Howard read through some e-mail during the news. He said that he got a lot of stuff about Vinnie Favale's fuck up from last week. Some people wrote in about the Mars Attacks clips that Fred has been using for Eric the Midget. There was some feedback about Nicky Barnes and how boring his interview was. There was some mail about Jay Leno and how they don't believe that he's writing his jokes on his own. Some people wrote in about how great Yucko was last week when he was in. Howard read through a couple of those e-mails.
Howard said that JD even got some positive feedback. He said that someone liked his pocket pussy story that he told last week. The guys spent some time talking about that story and how JD admitted to having taken that from the glom box recently.
Robin read a story about Wesley Snipes and his tax problems. Howard played some clips about that story. She also had a story about Oprah Winfrey coming out in support of Barack Obama. She claims that it has nothing to do with him being black, it's because ''he's brilliant!'' Howard said he's really getting turned off to her when she does stuff like that.
Robin played some clips of Stevie Wonder coming out in support of Barack. Fred threw some clips of Mark the Bagger saying ''Yes'' over and over again while that was being played. There were also some clips of Stevie Wonder singing a song about Barack Obama so Fred threw in some clips of Robin making some weird noises while that was playing.
There were some clips of Snoop Dogg talking about how he's going to back Hillary Clinton. After playing some audio of Snoop getting all political, Artie asked ''what happened to the guy who used to beat bitches with his sneaker?'' They had to take another break a short time later, around 10:25am.
After the break Howard came right back and had Robin get back into her news. She read a story about the upcoming Oscar awards and what people are picking to win Best Picture. Howard interrupted that with a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Tom Petty impression and a few others. Howard let him sing for a few seconds before hanging up on him.
Artie said that he knows he's in trouble because he's already looking at betting on basketball. Howard thought that Artie was going to invest after talking to Jim Cramer this morning.
Ralph called in and talked about how bad he thought ''No Country for Old Men'' was. He also said that he thinks that the movie ''Into the Wild'' is another awful one and he couldn't wait for that kid to die in the movie. They went over those real quick before Howard cut everyone off and had Robin get back to her news.
Robin said that the new Hannah Montana movie made over $20 million at the box office this weekend. She ran down some of the other movies and what they pulled in this weekend. They were all pretty low because of the Super Bowl.
Howard and Gary went back and forth at each other about the Las Vegas story Gary told earlier. He was goofing on Howard about his ''manly'' game of chess. Howard said it's not about being manly, it's about crushing a man's mind. Gary said that Howard is always talking about his chess playing and he's trying to impress them with that stuff. Howard said that he talks about it maybe once a day. Gary said that's what he considers constantly.
Howard told Gary to just find something that he can be passionate about. He doesn't have to play chess, but find something. Howard made fun of Gary waiting for Artie to show up for his lunch and Artie said that he loves that this became the running theme of the show even with all of the other stuff going on.
Howard said that if he'd known that Gary was going to get so bored, he would have gotten him a coloring book. Gary said that just because he got bored doesn't mean that he doesn't have hobbies. He said he doesn't have endless time to do stuff like Howard was making it seem. Howard said that he should have gone down and done the dishes at the Luxor while he was there. They ended the show a short time later, around 10:40am.
Jon asked Artie if he knew that Gary was scorned as well. That led back them into the story about Gary getting bored out in Vegas. Gary said that he likes how Artie comes on this show and crowbars his act into the show. Artie didn't think he was doing that but Gary pointed out one of his jokes that he'd just told that was similar to one that he told on Saturday night.
Artie and Gary talked about how Howard will pick anyone apart who disagrees with him. They talked about Ralph calling in about the ''No Country for Old Men'' and how he had Howard bashing him as soon as he said he didn't like it.
Artie said that he was on his way to his gig at the Gotham comedy club when he heard Jon Hein and Will Murray talking about how the Patriots were probably going to blow out the Giants. They were wrong and he didn't listen to their prediction.
Jon said that he knows he was wrong, he predicted the Patriots would win and he admits he was wrong about that. Artie said that he called it and came much closer to the score than Jon did. They ended up talking about the game and some of the commercials that aired during the game.
Artie told a story about doing stand up back in 1995 at this place called Luna Lounge that led to him getting his gig on Mad TV. He said that as he was about to go on, Robert Klein walked in and bumped him and kind of bombed. He said that he was going to try and make a reference that would give people belly laughs. He said that he went up and said he was going to do the act unless there was someone else from ''Hooper'' who wanted to get up there and tell some jokes. He said that he got no reaction at all, no one knew that Klein was in Hooper or what Hooper was.
Gary told a story about the guy who used to handle Jan Michael Vincent and how he used to call him Jan Michael Vodka. That led to Artie telling a story about going to this bar where he used to go drink and watch games. He said there was this kid who worked at this liquor store that he used to go to and his mother didn't know about it. Then one day the guy walked out of the store when they were driving by and the guy points at him and says ''Tequila man!'' His mother asked if that was his nickname and couldn't believe that's what they called him.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary why he goes to the chess ting when he's goofing on Howard. Gary said it's an easy thing to go after him about. He said that it's funny saying that it's his passion. Gary said that Levy said that he got a bunch of jokes from Bob Levy but it was getting too late to tell them. He said that one of them was something like ''I'd rather be a bored fag than play chess.''
Benjy asked Artie if he plans on getting that money in the next 6 months. Artie said that he's pretty sure that something will be worked out in the next 6 months. Artie said that there are a lot of guys who will connect bets but he hates doing that. He said that some guys will bet the over and under and they end up losing. He said he hates doing that and that helped him win.
Gary was talking about the Tom Brady clip they played this morning and how the whole team must be in shock after losing. They were very cocky about how they were going to win. That led to the guys talking about how Belichick ran off the field even though the game wasn't quite over with. Gary said that he had already congratulated the Giants coach so it wasn't that big of a deal. Artie said that it was a shitty move in his opinion.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he gets why Gary was so bored out there in Vegas, he understands it. He said that you can't find anything out there shopping than you would in Connecticut. Gary said that he did walk around the mall out there but it was only because they were so bored. He said that he and Teddy were there walking around when he was trying to get a shave at a place in the mall. Artie said that it's fun city but it's the whores and gambling that most people are into. He said that it's easy to get bored out there.
Ralph called in and brought up Belichick saying that there was only 1 second left in the game and it was no big deal. He said that you don't come back in after walking off either. Artie said that it wasn't a huge issue but it kind of irked him.
The guys were also talking about Tiki Barber and how he was on one of the pre-game shows doing a cooking thing. The guys talked about that and Artie said that he heard that the Giants really hated Tiki. He said he met him a couple of times and he seemed okay but he's heard stories about him that makes it sound like they really hated the guy.
Ralph asked Artie what he won gambling on the game. Artie said that he basically let $35,000 ride and over the past 4 weeks he's up $78,000. He said he didn't want to get into the specifics on the whole thing. Artie was talking about the different bets he was doing and how he was doing a straight money line on that game. He talked about some of his past bets. Ralph said that he didn't want to talk about what he bet on the game but he did bet.
The guys talked about some past games that they remembered. Gary and Artie talked about one year when they were all out in Vegas at the same time even before Artie was officially part of the show.
Artie told a story about the movie ''The Bachelor'' and how he was booked to do Conan and Ferguson's show. He remembers his publicist calling the Stern show trying to get him booked and they said they didn't want him coming in alone. He was bumped from the Stern show of all places. Gary told Artie that they have a few levels of ''no'' there and he's pretty sure that they would have held off a day or so to tell her no. that was back in November of 1999 when he was trying to get booked to do the show. Gary said that they didn't know that much about Artie and that was before Jackie left so they were less inclined to have comedians on the show.
Artie asked Gary about being pitched to sit in the chair there on the show. Gary said that was something that came down pretty quick because they were looking for someone to sit in and they already liked Artie from his previous appearances. He said that he and Howard agreed that he was good on the show. Gary said that he and Howard both thought it was a great idea.
Ralph asked the guys if they were kind of bummed out that Tom Brady didn't play like Tom Brady in the game yesterday. Gary said that he did think that the first half of the game was boring but it depends on who you listen to, the Giants fans would say that Brady wasn't himself because the Giants defense was so good. Jon said that things could have been different if the coin toss was different.
Artie said he'd have to wait a few weeks to think about that Brady question, he's too excited about the Giants win. Ralph said that he wished he had that same feeling that Artie has, he isn't experiencing that. He said that he likes some other teams and they just can't get into the Super Bowl.
Gary wondered where this game will stand in the history of football. Artie said that it's the second most exciting Super Bowl to ever be played with the Giants. Jon said that it will be memorable but it won't be considered one of the best. Artie asked what the best is then. He said that there were some other games that were good but what was the best. Jon ran down a couple and argued with Artie over what he thought was better than this game.
Gary said he remembers saying that he couldn't believe that the Giants pulled it off yesterday. He said those were the first words out of his mouth. Ralph said that the play where the guy caught the ball on his helmet was really great.
Artie talked about some other games that he thought were great. The guys talked about those games and both Gary and Artie were talking about the family that owns the Patriots since they've hung out with them before. They shared a couple of stories about that before Jon had them move on to other things.
Gary was saying that he didn't know how much Howard liked the Giants but it's obvious that he does like them more than he thought. Artie said that Howard's agent, Don Buchwald, is a really big fan too. He said that maybe that's how Howard gets into that stuff even more.
Gary said that he was in Phoenix flying home yesterday and he even had a ticket to the game that he could have used. He said that he could have flown out on a private jet but he probably wouldn't have made it back home in time to do the show this morning. He wouldn't even think about asking Howard for the day off for something like that. He said that Howard didn't get why he'd even want to go to the game out there when he could watch it at home.
Artie said that he can't do that either because he has to be on the show Monday morning. Gary said that his son wants to have a Super Bowl party next year but they were thinking about how they could kick everyone out so he could go to bed at a decent hour.
The woman, Dee, said that she doesn't like that Robin gets away with so much on the show. That led to the guys talking about how far the news team has gone to cover Robin and Jim's relationship. Gary said that he thinks that Robin has taken a lot of hits on the show over the whole relationship and it might be good that the news team is backing off of their relationship a little bit. Gary said that he loves both Robin and Jim and he's happy for them. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon brought up Jim Cramer's interview and said that he turned out to be a good guest. Gary said that he really did turn out to be a great guest but he stood up the whole interview. He said that he's got a lot of energy. He was also talking about how Jim ended up being interviewed by Lisa G after the interview and they were talking about the divorce money that he was talking about.
Benjy said that he's not really into the stock market stuff but the interview turned out to be good because the guy was so fun.
Jon played a clip from the interview where Jim was talking about how the stock market gets him off. Jon went to the phones after that and one guy suggested that Gary do pranks as a hobby. He said that he could have called in a fake death for Artie while he was out in Vegas too. Gary said that's not really his thing to do though.
Jon asked Gary about hanging out with Artie in Vegas and what was going on there. Gary said that he saw Louie Anderson out there and it turns out he's a big fan of Artie's. He said that hanging out back stage isn't all that interesting, he'd rather hear Artie's act out on stage.
Gary was also talking about the club that they went to for their appearance and how bad the music was there. He said he can't stand that pulsating music that they play at some of those places.
Jon asked Gary about Sal and the story he told about going out with his wife to a strip club. Gary said that Sal took her to the club but he wasn't hanging out with her so that was kind of odd. He said that he doesn't seem to have an awareness of what she's up to.
Benjy said that he didn't think that anything he did, until the end, was that big of a deal. He said that Sal's wife drinking with Ronnie was no big deal. Gary thinks that it's odd that Sal talks about wanting to be together with his wife more but then he takes her out and doesn't hang out with her.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the Jim Cramer interview was really good and he found out a lot of stuff he didn't know about. He talked about Jim being separated and that he had a gambling problem as a couple of examples.
Sal came in and said that the stock market is all a bunch of bullshit. He said that it's all about bullshitting people. The guys asked him if that's the case, then how did Jim make the money he made in the past. Sal said that the market isn't all bullshit and he must have made it hyping up the stuff that he believes in. Gary asked Sal why he didn't do as well as Jim did. Sal said that he did pretty well for himself when he was doing it but Jim really knows what he's doing. He has a lot of passion behind him and that's why he does so well. Sal said that you have to check the charts and do a lot of investigation into that stuff before you invest.
Another caller said that Jim was very good on the show. That guy was also talking about the merger and how screwed up this government seems to be. He wanted to know what else Howard could do about it to get people to notice what's going on. Gary said he's not sure there's much else he could do. He said that the lawyers are doing what they can and now they just have to sit and wait.
Gary said that he remembers the year that Janet Jackson's boob was shown during the Super Bowl and how that changed his life forever. That one incident changed his life forever because it all led to them being censored even more than they were before and how Howard had to get out of terrestrial radio after that.
Gary asked Sal if he's okay with the people who took his wife home. Sal said that they're a couple had he trusts them. He said he actually asked the guy if he could make out with his wife but that didn't happen. He said that they're just the typical married couple.
Jon took a call and the guy asked Gary about Howard goofing on him today. Gary said that it's just Howard needling you until he finds something that bothers you and he latches on to that and won't let go. He said that some of it is his fault because he brings it on himself.
Sal asked Gary if he put on some porn and beat off to pass some time in Vegas. Gary said that he did do that but that was only 15 minutes. It didn't knock him out like Sal said it does to him.
A woman called in and said that Howard has been acting very annoying lately and she doesn't get why he pretends that he doesn't know about stuff before they talk about it on the air. She said that he did that with Artie's story. Gary said that he does that to let things play out on the show and he does that a lot.
Another caller said that Jim Cramer is a guy who talks about stocks and he makes them go up and down because he has such an influence doing that show he does. He said that he sees it the morning after he'll talk about certain stocks. He said that they'll move up and down based on what he says.
Sal said that this guy is right and if you looked at his track record, you'd probably find that he's wrong just as much as he is right.
Jon asked Sal if he misses the stock brokering thing. Sal said that he does kind of miss it but he doesn't miss losing money for people. He said that he once had a guy put a lot of money into Timberland boots and they were supposed to do really well but then the stock dropped by 8 points and the guy had to let him go. They had to wrap up a short time later. Everyone got in their plugs and they ended the show.
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Howard started off the show talking about the Giants coverage in the paper today. He said he's actually getting emotional today after reading some of the stuff. He said he doesn't usually get that way. He said that he was reading about Bill Belichick and what a shitty move it was for him to leave the field before the game was officially over. The guys ended up talking about the pronunciation of his name and how people call him Beli-check when it's actually spelled Belichick.
Howard said that his hair stylist was asking him about the ticker tape parade that they're getting today and he wasn't sure if this was the first time they got one. Artie said that the last one may have been canceled because we were at war the last time they won.
Howard talked about some of the stuff that's being said about Eli Manning and Tom Brady's battles and how this is kind of like Revenge of the Nerds.
Howard said that Eli Manning is going to be getting some endorsements deals after this win. He's already did a couple of those endorsements the night of the game. Artie said that he actually had to fly down to Disney World after he took that deal so he could walk down the main street there.
Howard said that Manning was supposed to be on Letterman last night because he wasn't able to fly out on time. Artie said that he was talking to Vinnie Favale last night about that and he was telling him about Eli not being able to fly out. Howard sounded surprised about Artie talking to Vinnie after what he did to him last week. Artie said he's a good guy, he doesn't have a problem with him.
Gary came in and told the guys why the Giants never got a ticker tape parade. He said that they just held the celebration in New Jersey instead. Gary went to the first one and said it was kind of stupid because they just walked around Giants Stadium for a while.
Howard said he was reading that Peyton Manning has been making more money than even Tom Brady was making in endorsement deals. Artie said that's because he's like the all American guy. Howard was reading about the incredible escape that Eli Manning made when he was in a jam during the game. Eli explained what happened in one article so Howard read through that. Eli never even saw the catch after he threw the ball. Howard said that they always have to give credit to the rest of the team.
Howard read about this guy who signed Eli to the team and how he had said something about Manning being able to come through if he was the guy they thought he was, right before the team made their 83 yard drive to score. Howard said that actually got him really emotional when he read it.
Howard talked about how the Giants head coach, Coughlin, was close to being fired but he asked to have one more chance and he pulled through. He said that now he's in an incredible bargaining position and he will probably sign on for even more time with them.
Howard and the guys talked about how the Giants usually take a year off after a win and may not make it back into the Super Bowl next year.
Artie said that they were talking about Tiki Barber on the Wrap Up Show yesterday and how he's no longer on the team and how the team didn't like him. Now that he's gone, the team has turned around and now they've won the big game. Artie said that he worked with Tiki one time when a sponsor asked him to field some questions from the fans. He said that Tiki was there and was really smooth answering questions.
Howard said that Jeremy Shocky wasn't there at the game on the bench while the rest of the team was. He said that they're saying that he's going to need a big attitude adjustment after this because they pulled out this win without him. Robin said she heard that it may have actually helped the team that he wasn't there on the field. Artie said that's what they say about Tiki too.
Robin said she heard that someone from Obama's camp had visited one of her friends. That guy was trying to push Obama on her so it must really help out the campaigns. Howard said that by the time these guys become President they must be worn out.
Howard said that he didn't want to make people jealous but Obama came to his apartment and cooked him breakfast. Hillary came and drove him to work today since Ronnie wasn't available. He said that the first person to give him a happy ending will get his vote. He also said that Hillary's car actually had heat, unlike his limo.
Gary came in and said that Danny Glass is the guy who is putting the song out. He said there are 5 versions of the song and this is one that they can play on satellite. There are others that they'll be able to play on regular radio. This one has a lot of cursing and lyrics about guy's dicks.
Howard said there's another song that he really likes. It was a song that Sarah Silverman performed for Jimmy Kimmel's show. He said that in the past Jimmy has jokingly said that they had to apologize because they ran out of time they weren't able to get to Matt Damon. That led to Sarah singing a song about ''fucking Matt Damon'' that she played for Jimmy on his birthday. Howard said the visual is very funny and you have to see it. She actually has Matt singing with her in the music video she made.
Robin said she's not sure what Jim Florentine is going to do for her. Howard said that he's done with the big gift thing at this point. He wants to bring it back to normal now.
Howard said that he's been watching this ''My Fair Brady'' show and the chick on the show did a lesbian shoot and ended up giving her guy the pictures as a gift and he wasn't too thrilled with that. Howard said he'd be into a gift like that.
Howard said that Ralph left him a message about Gary getting bored out in Vegas. He said that Gary hates when the show spills over into his regular life. He said that nothing annoys Gary more than when people carry on like that off the air. He didn't save the message though.
The caller asked Fred about Valentine's day and Fred said that he should be able to get away with a nice dinner or something like that. Howard said he can't do that himself because he goes out to dinner with her a lot already. He said that every Sunday she makes turkey Chili or something like that. She also cooks Monday through Wednesday and then Thursday, Friday and Saturday they go out to eat. Robin said that he could rent a suite or something like that and go stay somewhere other than the apartment. Howard said he's got a great suite already and they don't need to stay somewhere else in the city.
Robin told Howard to get some musicians, a chef and stuff like that to make it special. Howard said that would be a horrible night for him. He wouldn't want to do that in a hotel or in his apartment. Artie said that he got engaged last year so he already blew his load. Now things can go downhill from there.
Howard said he'd like to get back to a gift certificate for a manicure or something. Artie said that he could do that but send her to Paris for the manicure. Robin threw in the Paris part of that. Howard said he could send her to Indian or something.
Howard said he's got a friend who tells his woman that his time is more important than anything and she loves when she gets the gifts like that. Fred did his Jim Florentine impression and had some fun goofing around with what he might do on Valentine's day. He said that he's going to be out in Seattle around that time so he and Robin will go to the Starbucks museum and do some enema tasting out there.
The caller asked Artie what's going on with him and Dana. Artie said that he and Dana actually spoke last night and things were pretty civil. He said that he spent about 15 minutes on the phone with her. Howard asked him if he thinks that he can salvage the relationship. Artie said that there's still this grey area there and she wants him to go through therapy and stuff. Howard said she's right about that. Artie said that he's never going to go and he wants to know how long he'd have to go if he started. Howard said that he has to start before he can complain about going.
Artie said that Dana is always on the web and he asked her if she was in a chubby chaser chat room when she said she was on the web talking to some people. He said that made her laugh. Howard said that Dana is thinking to herself that if this is ever going to be real, she can't be with a guy who is always thinking about killing himself or going out to do drugs. He said that she's got a legitimate concern there.
Howard said that he has a lot of people who talk to him about Artie and they're very concerned about him. He said that this one guy thinks that Artie believes that if he goes to therapy, he's going to stop being funny or something and that's why he won't go.
Artie said that Dana has been trying to get him to go to therapy for 2 years now and it's just not going to happen. Howard told him that he has to do it for her if he really loves her. He said that he has tried to go but he ends up going for 2 hours and then he runs out of stuff to say. He said that he does 2 hours in the first session and then runs out of stuff to talk about. Howard said that if you're going to the right guy, he'll be able to bring stuff out that you don't even think about usually.
Howard said that he got into a whole thing in therapy about his mother. He said that after she called in she was upset about the things he said about her being angry. He said he was talking to his therapist about how his mother would come in and look at his asshole to see the pinworms he had. He said that he would never do that to one of his kids. He said that he would bring his kid to the doctor and not just inspect their ass. He said that doctors don't just tell parents to look at their kid's asshole to see if there are worms sticking out.
Howard said that he's got 3 kids and he'd never in his right mind sneak into their room and pull their pants down to look at them with a flashlight. He said that if the kid wakes up, they're going to freak out.
Howard said he'd just bring the kid to the doctor and let him diagnose. Robin aside that this is what they did back in those days. Howard said his shrink is an MD and he said he's never heard of such a thing in his life. Fred said that's what they did back in those days though, they'd just do what the doctors told them to do. Howard said that it's an invasion if you ask him.
At one point Robin told Artie that she got an e-mail from someone who said that they were checking Artie out and he looks like a fat piece of shit these days. Artie kept wondering who would say that about him. Robin said it's a friend of hers that Artie doesn't know. Artie said that's pretty harsh to say that about him.
Howard wondered if Artie would be willing to get up on the scale today since he hadn't been weighed in months. Artie said there's no way he's getting on the scale.
Howard said that he just got a note from the guys saying that every major medical web site out there suggests a flashlight on the ass. He said that he still doesn't think that's right though. Artie said that kids could wake up and think that they're being molested or something.
Robin told Artie that her friend didn't actually say he looked like a fat piece of shit, he just said that he ''looks like shit.'' Artie didn't seem to find that any easier to take.
Howard asked Eric how his girlfriend is doing. Eric said she's good and they're working on meeting up around Valentine's day. Howard asked Eric to give Artie some advice on getting Dana back. JD came in and said that he was supposed to do a show where he gave relationship advice but it didn't happen. Eric said that he had to push that back. Howard said that he's not even in a relationship though. Eric said that he is in one but Robin said it's only been 2 weeks.
Howard played a bunch of the ''Eric the...'' clips that they created about him. Eric said that it's not getting under his skin anymore but Artie said that's bullshit. Howard figured that was reverse psychology that he was using and it still bothered him.
Eric told Artie that he has to stop being a drug addict and just straighten up and he'll get Dana back. Artie said that's easier said than done.
Howard noticed that Eric's face looked very blotchy today. They were talking about how odd he looked at Artie said that it looked like someone put glasses on a tangerine. He also told Eric that he's been using his masturbation technique of just fucking the bed. He asked Eric for some advice on that. Eric didn't want to comment on that.
Howard asked him if he's masturbated thinking about his girlfriend. Eric thought for a second and said ''yes'' to that. Howard asked him if he kisses his pillow pretending to make out with his girlfriend. Eric paused again and asked why he's trying to get him into that. Artie said that he pretends to make out with the pillow and actually names the pillow. He said he named the one up in Syracuse ''Lauren'' since that was the chick that he was into up there.
Howard asked Eric if that's what he does. Eric said ''I guess...'' Howard said people should call into Eric's show and ask questions like that. Eric said that there are no phones, you have to ask in the chat room there.
Howard asked Eric who washes his sheets trying to find out where his man goo goes. Eric said he doesn't do that on the sheets and he didn't want to say where he does go. Howard said that he must have to wash his PJ pants every time he does that. Eric said he doesn't have to wash them every time, he finishes in his underwear. Howard asked him who washes his underwear then. Eric said that his roommate does it with all of his other laundry.
Howard said that the poor guy could stick his hand in there and feel something wet. That led to Fred doing an impression of Eric and talking about the underwear being full of his load and turning to concrete. Howard said that he used to leave tissue on his pens and it would get glued to it. He asked Eric if he's ever glued his penis to his underpants with his load. Eric said that he hasn't.
Howard asked Eric how he keeps his penis from getting glued to his underpants. Eric said he just does. He didn't want to give details, he doesn't get why it's so important. Howard said that he finally found something that he's an expert at and he wants to know more, so that's why it's so important.
Howard said that if he came in his underpants he'd take them off and change. He asked Eric if he has a tiny load because he's a little person. Eric said that is the case. He asked them to shut the fuck up about this. The guys said that maybe they could call him Eric The Little Load after they found out that he has small loads.
Howard asked Eric if he's ever seen a porno with a regular guy's load being shown and if his loads are smaller than that. Richard came in and told Howard he's seen some midget porn and their loads are pretty big, just like a regular guy. Eric said that he doesn't watch movies like that so he doesn't know.
Howard said Eric has to have seen loads like that in porno but he's just embarrassed. Richard also said that he doesn't think that it's that strange to leave his loads in his underpants. He said he does that all the time and likes peeling his underpants off of his penis. Howard asked Eric if that's why he leaves his load in there. Eric said he doesn't enjoy that at all.
Richard said that maybe he lets his load dry up in his belly button or something. Eric told Richard that that's to what he does and called him a hick. Howard said that it's vile that his roommate has to clean his underwear like that. Robin asked him if he does it every night but Eric didn't want to answer that.
Howard asked Eric when he last did it but he said he didn't remember. Richard asked Eric to shoot a load into a soda bottle so they could see the size of the load. Howard said they probably don't need something that big to see the size of the load. Maybe a thimble.
Howard asked Eric about his face being blotchy and why that was. Eric wasn't sure and he said it's not zits like they were saying they were. Howard said that he looks like Benjy with the blotchiness. Richard said that it could be from masturbating too much. Howard told Eric to take his hand away from his face because that might be causing the redness. Eric said that wasn't the reason either. He said there weren't any bumps up there but Fred said that his head looks like a frog's back. Richard thinks it could be his cum that he has on his sheets causing the break out on his face.
Richard suggested that they send Eric to a spa or something. Howard said that he'd love to do a show with Eric talking about masturbation. Eric didn't seem interested in that. Eric got in a plug for his American Idol show that he does at 8pm Pacific time. Artie said that he was going to google ''mind numbingly dull'' and see if his show comes up.
Howard did some more of the ''Eric the...'' clips and said that's what Eric wants to be called on his show. He told Eric he hopes that the technical problems are worked out this week. Robin said she actually likes those problems. Howard played some clips from last week where they had some echo problems. The clip was one where Eric was talking about his Myspace page saying that he was single but he had to change it. Eric said that he's changed it since then so Robin joked that he changed it from ''single'' to ''duped.'' Eric said that's not what's going on there and he hasn't been duped.
Howard wrapped up with Eric and was about to say goodbye to him but Gary told him that if you search for ''Mind Numbingly Dull'' at google.com you do get a couple of mentions of Eric at the 3rd and 4th positions. Howard thought that was kind of funny.
Howard was going to let Eric go again but he said that he heard that Eric has no sense of humor over there in his chat. They boot people out for very simple questions. JD said that they'll boot people just for asking questions about masturbating or anything like that. Eric said that they have dumbass people from SFN and Syndicate people asking questions in there so that's why they boot them. Howard didn't know what he meant by Syndicate so Eric told him that Shuli knows them and they do stupid things. He said that this guy Dino runs the site and they do all kinds of stupid shit. Howard still didn't know what he meant and Gary asked what he was talking about.
Gary said that he got sucked into this over the weekend. He said that Eric got all freaked out over them this weekend and there's something going on with the JFSC site and SFN. They were asking about why they can support SFN when they post personal information about Eric and Johnny Fratto. Mutt took that stuff down right away and he wasn't letting it happen, it's just hard to monitor that stuff.
Gary said that Mutt and Johnny Fratto are at each other's throats lately but it's not clear why. Eric said that the Syndicate people are ripping the show off and posting Howard TV stuff on the web. Howard said if that's the case then he's going to be against them too. Gary said that they're looking into that and they haven't found anything yet. Eric is going by what his people tell him.
Gary said that there are a lot of negative e-mails flying between these people. Howard said that he has nothing to do with the Syndicate, SFN or anyone else like that. Gary said that they claim that by having Mutt working there they are endorsing SFN.
Howard said that Eric once posted their personal information on the web so maybe they shouldn't have them on. He was angry about something and he posted Gary's phone number and e-mail address. He was upset about them not getting back to them about the American Idol show that he was supposed to do. Howard told Eric that he's no better than the Syndicate if that's what he does.
Tim Sabean came in and said that Revenge is a bitch and shit happens. He said that Eric posted his information on the web one time and payback is a bitch.
Mutt called in and said that Johnny Jr. is the one who had his information posted on the web but it was well known that it was on his web site. Mutt was also saying that the Syndicate people don't post anything from the show as far as he knows. He said that he's trying to work with everyone to control people but it's not easy. He said that Fratto wanted to buy his web site at one time but he didn't want to sell so now he wants to take him down. He claimed that Johnny wanted to buy the site for a huge amount of money and he didn't want to sell so nothing ever came out of that.
Mutt said that he's not part of this Syndicate stuff. He said that he doesn't thinks that the mob stuff on the web is all that interesting. He also said that this guy Dino guy started this show on the web and then some of the people split off from that group and went over to the JFSC thing. He said that he's turned into one of the bad people because of this.
Howard saw that there was a scroll on Eric's screen where they said that Mutt was lying. Mutt said that no one is stealing any shit from the show. He said that he knows they had a screen shot from back in October and that was all he ever saw.
Howard let Mutt go and had to wrap up with Eric a short time later but he saw that he had Hook Nose Mike on the phone. Hook Nose is part of this Syndicate thing and he said that they split off from the Syndicate and now Fratto's people had them shut down this week. Eric said that he was never part of the Syndicate but Mike said that he used to visit their feeds on Stickam. Howard said that he's fascinated by all of this but Artie had zoned out.
hook Nose said that he actually took down Eric one night when he did his show at the same time as Eric. Eric told him to get on tonight and he'll take him down this time. Howard had to wrap up a short time later.
Lisa said that she spoke to some people about the commercial that Howard liked during the Super Bowl. She said that it was the one about Chester Pitts who was an oboe player before someone found him working in a grocery store. She spoke to Chester and he said he liked that Howard enjoyed the commercial.
Lisa also spoke to Leroy Neiman, who painted a portrait of Howard years ago, and he's 87 years old now and still remembers that painting. Howard said he still runs into him out on the street once in a while and says hello to him. Howard wrapped up with Lisa after that.
Andrea claims that she pulled her gun out and the guys still didn't want to let them go. She said that there were two guys who wanted to hold them hostage and she had to put a stop to it. She said that Shuli may have saved her life by calling her because she had to answer the phone.
Howard said he's not sure about that story and he doesn't know how the phone call saved her life. Robin said she was following the story and she was saying that she fell asleep during the kidnapping or something like that. Howard had zoned out so he asked Robin to listen to more of it and tell him what's going on.
Robin said that Andrea had fallen asleep and her friend Christie had woken her up and told her they needed to get away so they were able to do that once she woke up.
Howard had some new Larry King clips that the guys edited to make him say stuff that he didn't actually say. He had him saying things like ''I have AIDS and love it.'' He had a bunch of longer ones about shooting his loads in guys and sucking it up and things like that as well. He had some pretty long clips that are obviously edited clips. One of them went so long that he thought it was the longest one they had ever done. He played a clip of Ed McMahon that was just about as long as that Larry King clip.
Howard said that Kevin is kind of into this Jackass-type stunt stuff and tries to sell tapes of the stuff they do. Kevin said that he tried selling tapes but they didn't sell all that well.
Howard said that Kevin had his taint pierced one time but he doesn't find Kevin to be all that much of a funny kind of guy. Kevin said that he's always been a fucked up kind of guy and his friends are the ones who told him to get into this stuff.
Howard played a clip of Kevin getting his taint pierced and watched some of what was going on. Howard said that it wasn't really funny, it was more sick than funny. He said that it was really hard core stuff.
Artie said that when you see those Jackass guys doing stunts, it's funny. The stuff he was watching wasn't funny. He said that he likes Kevin a lot but this just wasn't funny.
Howard said that the Jackass stuff has inspired people to do some really crazy stuff. Kevin said that the needle that they used was much thicker than a needle that they'd usually use.
Howard read some notes about some of the other stuff Kevin has done. He did acid one time and drove his car which Howard said wasn't funny and it was very dangerous. Kevin said that was when he was 18 or so and he knows that was dumb.
The guys thought that Kevin was a rich kid because he went to a boarding school but Kevin said that he went there because he had a learning disability.
Howard read that one of Kevin's friends went over to his other friend's house to jerk off on the face of his buddy's mother's face. They didn't tape that one. Kevin also said that they tricked a guy into drinking a bottle of piss when he thought it was beer. He also stuck his nuts in a fan one time to get the guy to drink the piss. Kevin said he does this stuff because it's fun. He said he's been doing it since he was 16 years old.
Howard told Kevin that sticking his nuts in a fan is crazy and asked him to explain that to him. Kevin said that people do crazy stuff all the time for no reason.
Howard read about some other things that he and his friends have done. He said that they once threw a personal alarm into a restaurant and his friend ''accidentally'' yelled out ''Grenade!'' when they tossed it into the restaurant and they had to evacuate. Howard asked him why he does this stuff and what he's going to do if he loses his balls some day. He wanted to know if it's worth the risk. Kevin said that it is worth the risk.
Robin said that Kevin isn't a Jackass type because he has a job. There are people out there like Bam Margera who could never hold down a 9-5 job like Kevin could.
Richard and Sal came in and asked Kevin if he'd eat M&Ms out of Sal's pouch. Kevin heard the plan for how they were going to do it and he said that he'd do it no problem. Howard said he didn't want to see him do it and asked him why he would do it. Kevin said ''I dunno, why not?'' Howard told Sal to put the M&Ms in his pouch and show him what he was getting himself into. Sal uses his uncircumcised penis for the ''pouch'' and he can shove a ton of them in there.
Howard told Kevin that this can be a health risk and Artie told him that his old man could keep him from getting the family money if he does stuff like this. Kevin said that his father will probably find it funny. Sal wanted Kevin to lay on his back to do this but he didn't want to do that. Sal eventually fed him the M&Ms but they all fell past his face. He finally got one in there and Howard said that maybe he is funny.
Howard asked Kevin if he was alright. Kevin almost threw up after that so Howard was laughing. Artie said that if they had a funny meter on that side of the studio, it probably wouldn't read anything.
Dominic Barbara called in and told Kevin that they could have gone to jail for that grenade stunt. Kevin said that he knows that it was a stupid move, but it was years ago. Howard said that everyone wants to be these Jackass guys but they must research what's legal and stuff. The guys weren't so sure about that.
Artie told Kevin he could have mouth gonorrhea now. The Howard TV guys showed the replay and Richard said he looked like a baby bird taking the M&Ms in there.
Howard gave Kevin a plug for his Myspace page at Myspace.com/slowchildrenvideos. Richard asked him if he wanted to eat some stuff out of his ass crack. Kevin wasn't into that so the guys asked Sal to do it. Sal refused and told Richard to eat it out of his ass instead.
Richard put the Nutri-Grain bar in his ass but Kevin refused to eat it and so did Sal. Artie said that he'd give Kevin $500 to eat it. Kevin thought about it after that but he still didn't want to do it. Sal shoved the bar in Richard's ass when he stuck his foot over there. Richard said he was going to shove it in Sal's face after that. He chased him around a little bit and had the guys laughing.
Howard said that these stunts aren't that good and he's not that amused by them. Ralph called in and asked what's different between this guy and what Sal and Richard do. Howard said that when he ate the M&Ms it was kind of funny.
Isaac from Howard TV came in and said that some of the video is actually pretty funny. He said that they'll have more clips in the Howard TV show for this segment.
Ralph asked what was wrong with Kevin that he had to go to boarding school. Kevin said that he had a learning disability. Howard wondered why he hired him there if he has a learning disability. He actually catalogs the old shows so Howard wasn't sure that was the best job for him. Kevin said he also produces the Riley Martin show.
Artie gave him some advice about not pissing off his father over this stuff because he'll cut him off. Kevin said that his father is just like him and likes that kind of stuff so he should be fine. Richard said that Kevin is cool and he's into the same metal music that he's into. They go to concerts and stuff together.
One of the guys told Howard that the first time Richard got a stick of deodorant he smeared it all over his body because he had no idea how to use it. Richard said he didn't know how to use it and didn't ask his parents about it. He was 14 at the time and said that he wasn't sure if his parents ever used deodorant either because he never saw any around the house. Howard wrapped up with Kevin and gave him another plug for his Myspace page and went to break.
Gary said that he wants to come out with Miss Howard Stern too. Artie told Gary that he doesn't want this retard coming in, he doesn't like him. Gary said he's doing a comedy show in September so that's why he wants to come in then.
Artie told Gary not to act retarded when he comes in next time. Gary said that he is retarded, damn it, so he can't help the way he acts. He said that he might be able to tone down the ''retardedness'' though.
Howard heard that Gary hates Eric the Midget so he asked him why that was. Gary said that other people don't like him, that's why he doesn't like him. Howard played a clip of Gary complaining about him picking up the phone for Eric the Midget but he won't do that for him. Gary ripped into Eric about him complaining about everything on the show all the time. He gets cut off in the middle of a sentence.
Howard talked to Gary about Eric and Gary is very upset that he doesn't really do anything at the comedy shows and he just sits there while everyone else is working.
Howard played a prank call that Richard and Sal made to Gary where they told him that he was no longer retarded. They had some test results for him and broke the news to him that he was no longer retarded. Gary got all excited until they asked him a few questions and found out the results were wrong.
Gary laughed and said that was a pretty good call. He said that he'll always be retarded no matter what. Howard let him go after that.
Howard asked Dee if he knew that he had hit songs on his hands with those two songs. Dee said that he did. He didn't know that they'd still be around this long after though.
Howard said that he's a fan of this show that Dee is in called ''Gone Country.'' He was going to talk about that but he had to figure out where the echo was coming from. It turned out to be Dee's headphones being turned up too loud. Howard had him turn them down and the echo went away.
Howard talked about this show that Dee is on and how good it is so far. He said that Bobby Brown is Dee's roommate on the show and at the end of the show he hopped up on stage and started to rap with him when he was singing. Howard said that Dee grabbed him around the neck and was ready to beat the shit out of the guy. He said that Bobby wasn't doing anything that bad, he was just trying to jam with him but Dee didn't know that.
Howard said that Bobby Brown looks awful these days and he thought that he was much older than he really is. He said he's only in his 30s but he looks like he's in his 40's. Howard said that Julio Iglacias is also on the show. Maureen McCormick is in the show and she starts to fall for Bobby Brown.
Howard said that Dee is kind of insane on the show because he can't get coffee. Robin found that odd and talked about his other weird addiction that he talked about the last time he was on. That was his e-mail addiction. Howard said that Dee used to drink Jolt cola in the past and that's another addiction he had back then.
Dee said that he drinks about 6 cups of coffee a day and it's tough to stop drinking it cold turkey. He said that it's 3 double espressos a day so that's like 6 cups of coffee. Dee told Howard that he started out with one cup of coffee on the first day and he was told that he was going to get more the rest of the day but he still hadn't had any by 11 o'clock that night. He said that 4 cups showed up when he started threatening to leave the show.
Howard said that Carnie Wilson is on the show and she's as fat as ever. He said that they show her eating like crazy on that show too. Howard said he also heard that Bobby Brown peed on Dee. Dee said that he didn't pee on him, but he did pee in the vicinity of him. Dee said that they want to create a new odd couple show based on him and Bobby.
Dee said that he saw Bobby walking toward his bed one night and wondered what the hell was going on. It was dark in the room and he didn't know what was happening. Dee said that Bobby then turned toward his night table and pulled out his johnson. He said that's when the hilarity ensued.
Dee was talking about Maureen McCormick and how they found out that she can actually sing, she just doesn't have any experience singing in front of people. Dee said that they actually had a lot of fun doing the show and he's been trying to stay in touch with some of the people. He said that Bobby's phone doesn't even pick up when he calls but the others he's able to stay in touch with.
Howard asked Dee if he missed his wife while he was doing the show. He said that he was okay with it. He said that his anniversary was during that 8 weeks he was gone and he never got to see her. He thinks that one of the producers stopped that from happening.
Dee said that there was a hit out on Howard's head because he was talking about his wife on the show. Howard said he didn't know what that was about. Dee said that this guy Huey Apples heard that Howard was talking about his niece on the show and the guy actually put a hit out on his head because of it. He said that his wife called her uncle and asked him to call it off so she probably saved Howard from getting beat up at a minimum.
Howard gave Dee a plug for this concert he's doing for the victims of the Rhode Island club fire after the band Great White set fire to the club. There were 200 people who were seriously injured or left without parents so they're doing a fund raiser for them.
Dee said that he knew the guys in Great White and now they're suffering for this thing that happened. He said that no one has given any of the victims of the fire so they're trying to help them out. They're doing the show at the Dunkin Donuts center in Rhode Island on February 25th. He said that this could have happened to any band at any club so they're trying to get a lot of other musicians to step up and help out.
Dee said that they have a lot of musicians showing up to the event, including country stars, but there are a lot of bands who aren't responding and refuse to get involved. He said that there's one artist who is trying to forget their hair band past and won't do it. Dee wasn't going to say who it was but eventually blurted out ''Bon Jovi!''
Howard asked Dee who else he's reached out to that won't help. Dee said he's been trying to get in touch with Aerosmith because they live just miles from the club that burned. He said he can't get them or Bon Jovi but he's not sure if Jon Bon Jovi is saying no or if it's his people. He hasn't spoken to any of them personally.
Howard asked Dee if he's reached out to Larry Pierce yet. Dee laughed and asked who he is. Howard had Gary pull up some of his music for him and played some of those songs for Dee. They played Larry's song ''Will You Swallow My Cum.'' Dee laughed and said that he could get up there with John Rich and Gretchen Wilson.
Artie said that the story about having a hit out on Howard is fascinating to him. Dee said that to an old school Italian, saying that you want to fuck his niece, that's an insult. Howard said that he's happy with Beth now and he doesn't want to fuck Dee's wife anymore. He doesn't want to upset her family anymore.
Dee said that he was 21 when he met his wife, who was only 15 years old at the time. He said that he came rolling in wearing tight pants and pink platform shoes. He said that they warned him before he took her out that if he disrespected her, they'd hunt him down. He knew they were serious too. He said that he waited a minimum of 6 months before he even laid a hand on her. Howard told him she was well worth it.
Howard gave Dee a plug for this show he's doing and said you can get tickets and information at StationFamilyFund.org. Dee said that all of the proceeds go to the victims. Howard wrapped up with Dee a short time later and gave him some plugs for that country show he's on too.
Howard was about to let Dee go but he ended up telling him about going out to see Leslie West the other night at BB Kings. He talked about that for a minute and let Dee go.
Artie said that he saw a Popeye's chicken commercial one time where a black guy sticks his eyes up through the o in Popeye's and said ''I love that chicken'' and people got upset about that.
Howard said that Dennis Miller recently put him on the mount Rushmore of Radio on his show but he did it reluctantly. He played a clip of Dennis talking about that with a caller who asked him about it. Dennis said that he would put faces like Rush Limbaugh, Wolfman Jack and he'd probably have to put Howard Stern up there even though he's not a Stern devotee. Artie said that he could have been an ass and not mention him at all.
Artie asked Howard about his book and the lists that he had of comedians he liked. Howard said he loves Dennis Miller. Artie wanted to know the history of what happened between them. Howard said that Dennis used to call into the show and mix it up with him, he's not even sure what happened there. Gary came in and gave Howard the history and said that Howard asked Dennis about this woman who was dating him at the time. Howard asked him about it and Dennis asked them not to air it after the show so they actually cut it out of the show. they never aired it and Dennis still got upset with them.
Gary said that he thinks that Miller is funny but he never liked him when he came on the show. He said that they did something nice for Dennis and he still held it against them. Howard said that he's seen that Dennis is a failure at sports commentating but he really thinks that he's a wonderful stand-up comic. He said he became friends with his brother years later and he's been in touch with him over the years. He said that Dennis used to be on the show quite often but the girlfriend thing he was kind of uptight about.
Howard said that Dennis did call in years after the fall out. He'd just had his son Holden at the time and Gilbert Gottfried was on the show that day. Gilbert was having some fun talking about the kid and using that name to goof on him. Howard said that the call was funny and he probably didn't go with it because he seems to be kind of humorless.
Howard said that Dennis is now like Bill O'Reilly's best buddy and O'Reilly thinks that he restarted his career. Howard said he's enjoyed Dennis over the years doing his comedy and stuff but the guy really has to get a sense of humor about himself.
Artie said that Dennis' brother Jimmy might be one of the most successful producers out there. Howard thanked Dennis for putting him on his Radio Mount Rushmore. He said that he appreciated that even if he did it reluctantly. Howard said that he didn't know one of the names on the list. Then things started to eat away at him and he got pissed that Rush Limbaugh was on that list. He said that Rush is nothing.
Howard said he was going to give a Mount Rushmore of the people who really belong on there. Howard said that they would include Arthur Godfried, Howard Stern, Bob Grant and Alan Burke. Robin and Artie threw out a couple of other names as well. Howard said that his head would be the biggest one on the carving.
Artie said that he would have Howard, Robin, Fred and Gary up on that Mount Rushmore. Howard said maybe Tom Chiusano should be up there too. Howard was going to go to break but he ended up bringing up Cousin Brucie saying that he was probably going to come in and demand to be on the Radio Mount Rushmore. He did his impression of Brucie for a minute before going to break.
Jeff wanted to talk to Artie. He asked him if it would be possible to get a room for the gig he's going to be doing. Artie said that he made a deal with Jeff to come out to do some shows once in a while. He wanted to be a permanent fixture of the show so he kind of agreed to that. Artie said that he's not going to fly him across the country but he'll let him come to any gig he can drive to. He said he'd throw him a couple hundred bucks when he does that.
Artie said that he's doing the Borgata down in Atlantic City and now it looks like he has to get him a room down there. Howard said that he doesn't have do that and he wondered if any sentence starts with anything but ''Can I have...'' Jeff said they do.
Artie told Jeff that he'd like him to shave his head from now on. He's looking like a mess again. Jeff thanked him for that. Then he said that his manager told him that he should ask him for a room down there because the show ends so late down there.
Jeff said that he and his manager are going to be drunk because they'll be going to the after party. Artie said that he's not doing an after party. He said he'd like to know who his manager is. Jeff said that it's this guy Jarred who owned the store that he used to work at. Howard asked if he gives the guy a cut of his pay. Jeff said he just wants money for tolls and gas money. Howard said that means Artie is paying for all of that stuff.
Artie said that he's getting nothing for this. He said that no one is coming to see Jeff and he's only going to talk for about 10 seconds at the end of the show. He said that he's going to be eating and drinking back stage and he's got to pay him hundreds of dollars for that. He said that it's going to be like $600-700 or more that he's spending on this guy Jeff. Howard said he can handle this but Artie told Jeff this isn't good.
Howard said that he'd tell him not to come to this appearance and maybe come to another one. Artie wanted Jeff to admit that he never handed out the Beer League flyers that he had him hand out. Jeff swore that he did.
The guys talked about how Jeff the Drunk will order people around back stage like he's the king or something. Ralph called in and told Jeff that he should book his own fucking room down at the Borgata. He said that he's obnoxious and Artie is giving him money like he's some poor slob out on the street. Howard told Artie to pay him $200 not to come. Artie said that might be the best idea ever. He told Jeff he'd send him the money and he doesn't have to come. Jeff got upset and hung up after saying he doesn't have to pay him and he won't show up.
Artie said that he should call Teddy and bother him about that shit from now on. He was thinking about having Teddy wear a uniform when he comes out to these gigs with him. He said that he looks like a slob most of the time and he should look neater than he does.
Howard said that Teddy came walking into the studio earlier this morning with a giant painting wrapped in brown paper. He said it was some of Artie's personal business and he was unwrapping it in the studio. Artie ended up kicking him out of the studio and told him to open it out in the hall.
Howard told Artie to get Teddy a Star Trek uniform or something. Artie said that he and Nick DiPaolo were trying to come up with a uniform for him. He said that the guy admits that he doesn't have any qualifications for the job.
Teddy came in and Howard said that he really does look like a mess. Artie told him he wants him to wear a lavender vest so Teddy said he needs more money to do that. Howard said maybe they should dress him like a Nazi soldier or something crazy like that. Artie said that the crazy thing is that he's training Teddy for life. He said that Teddy will always tell him that he gets what he pays for and he's right.
Howard said that Jeff the Drunk was back on the phone. Jeff said that he's been writing material for his stand-up act. Artie got a laugh out of that comment. He wanted to hear some of the act. Jeff said that he was going to surprise Artie by doing this act. Jeff started to tell one of his jokes but both Artie and Ralph started booing him. Jeff's joke wasn't much of a joke. Ralph was talking over him too so Howard wanted to hang up on him but kept him on.
Teddy told Artie that they can have Jeff stay at one of the local hotels out there, he doesn't have to stay at the Borgata. Jeff didn't sound too happy about that and so the guys said that he should be thanking Artie for all of this because he's the one who is going to pick up the tab for all of this stuff.
JD came in and said that he's been out on the road with Teddy and Artie and Artie is always busting Teddy's balls. He said that he has to talk Teddy off the ledge sometimes because he's ready to jump. Teddy said he's not even sure why he sticks with the job. Howard said that he'd love to hear JD talking Teddy off a ledge. He pictured what it would sound like and did an impression of JD talking to him.
Teddy said that Artie is always telling him that he's white trash because he wiped his hands on his pants one time. He said that he did that because Artie took all of the napkins in the car, at once, and used them to wipe his hands. Artie said that Teddy was wiping his hands on his pants for a half hour while he was eating his chips.
Steve said that Sal's wife Christine was saying that she might go to Howard's wedding solo if she gets the invitation. Howard said that she's invited if she brings the emotional friend with her. That led to Artie doing his emotional friend impression for a few seconds.
Steve said that KC Armstrong is supposed to be appearing in court out in California this morning to talk about his recent tickets and trouble with the law. He wrapped up his news preview by plugging tonight's Howard 101 shows Jackie's Joke Hunt and the Riley Martin show.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Howard was going to read a note that Jon sent him about the ratings for the Super Bowl. He said that it was the second most watched show in the history of TV in this country. It was still lower rated than the last episode of MASH. Howard said that they had a 43 share and had about 97.5 million people watching. MASH had 106 million viewers according to the notes that Jon had compiled.
Jeff the drunk called back in and said that he's calling off the whole Atlantic City trip. He said he spoke to his manager and the guy said that this was making him look like an asshole and he wanted nothing to do with it, so he has no ride down there now. Artie told him to get a thick skin and get over it, it's the Howard Stern Show. He told Jeff to tell the guy that it's a paid gig and he has to drive him down there.
Howard let Jeff go and had Jon get to his preview. Jon said they'll be talking about Kevin Kraft's visit to the show this morning. They'll also talk about Eric the Midget and the world of the Syndicate that they've gotten sucked into. He ran down a bunch of other stuff that they'd be talking about a little later this morning.
Howard said it was probably Jackie the Joke Man who told Robin that. She said she doesn't write to Jackie. She said it was just a friend of hers and the guy thinks that Artie isn't going to last more than 400 days at that weight. Howard told him that he's not fat, he just looks chubby.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jackie's show sucks. He wanted to talk about the Mount Rushmore of radio and how all of those other people that Dennis Miller mentioned don't add up to what Howard has done in his career.
Howard had Robin start her news after Fred played one of her theme songs to the tune of her old news theme music. It was one where she was singing to that theme music.
Robin started off her news with a story about how Dancing with the Stars is going to have Marlee Matlin, a deaf actress, on the show this coming season. Howard said he saw that and didn't think much of it until he remembered that she was deaf.
Robin read another story about a product that has been created to prevent AIDS. That led to Fred playing some old lady porn clips that made Artie laugh pretty hard. He said that's his favorite clip ever. Fred kept playing it and Artie laughed more and more. Howard said that it was actually a woman by the name of Kathy Jones who is one of those old porn stars. He asked the guys if they had any of her clips to play in there. Artie was laughing his ass off at those clips and said that he's not sure he could watch the visuals on that because he might have a heart attack.
Howard played some more of those Kathy Jones old lady porn clips. He had one where she's getting slammed by some guy and she's saying ''Oh ya!'' over and over. Artie was laughing like crazy and Gary interrupted and said that they had some video with audio to play. Howard told them to go ahead and play it. It wasn't one of her porn movies though. It was just from her appearance on the show.
Howard got upset with Gary for interrupting them while the audio clips were playing. Gary said he couldn't hear the clip playing because Artie was laughing so hard. Howard goofed on Gary interrupting him and did an impression of him doing it to him. They threw in some new Baba Booey clips that made Artie laugh even more. Howard was doing his Gary impression and Fred was playing dog barking clips over that.
Howard said that he was enjoying Artie laughing at the clips and all he could hear was Gary yelling ''HOWARD!'' over and over. They kept playing a bunch of Baba Booey song parodies and jingles while they were goofing on Gary. Sal was out in the hall goofing on Gary while all of that was going on. Artie laughed and said ''what kind of work place is this anyway?''
One of the funnier Baba Booey clips was made by Kevin Kraft so Howard gave him a quick mention. Gary said that his problem is that he can't turn his monitor up too loud in his office because it feeds back. Howard goofed on him again and made fun of him interrupting.
Howard said that Gary might need a uniform like Teddy does. Artie said that they might have to have Ralph design two outfits. He also said that he was sweating from laughing so much. Howard had to go to break after that, around 10:10am.
After the break we heard a prank call that the guys made using some clips of Wood Yi and Mark the Bagger. Fred played some Sound Garden ''Spoon Man'' as they were coming back. Howard came back and said that the big Giants parade was going to be happening in about an hour there in New York City. He also said that the big primary is today there in New York City today. That led to him talking about how much negative e-mail he gets about both Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. He said that the strange thing is that even Ann Coulter is saying that she'd vote for either of them over John McCain. He said that makes him want to look into him instead of Hillary or Barack. He's not sure who he wants in there now.
Howard said he'd like to know more about Barack Obama but he doesn't take the time to find out more about him. He's missed all of the debates so far and he's just not getting an idea of what kind of guy he is. Gary came in and said that he's kind of leaning toward Obama but he's still not sure about that either. Howard said the ideal thing would be for Barack to marry Bill Clinton. That way they could have the best of both worlds.
Gary said that he's not sure who he's going to vote for but he'll decide by the time he gets to the voting machine. Howard said he thinks that Gary knows exactly who he's going to vote for and he's full of it. Gary said that he's pretty sure he's going to vote for Barack but if he keeps reading stuff about them, he could change his mind in an hour. Howard said he's interested in finding out who he does finally vote for.
Robin and Howard can't vote today because they're both registered as Independent. Artie doesn't bother voting. He said that he was a convicted felon so he wasn't sure if he could even vote in the past. He said that they're supposed to be getting his mug shot from the time he got arrested. He said that he doesn't vote but he does say that he does vote so he's not embarrassed. Gary said that they can have that mug shot of Artie up behind him in the studio, blown up to a huge size. Artie said they can do what they want to with that picture once they get it.
Howard said he had to move along so he had Robin get back to her news. She read some stories about who is backing Clinton or Obama in this whole primary thing. They played some audio clips of some celebrities talking about who they're backing. That led to a Ted Kennedy mention so Howard and Artie were doing their Kennedy impressions for a few minutes. Robin played some clips of Oprah Winfrey talking about her backing Barack Obama. They had to take a break a short time after that, around 10:35am.
After the break Howard had Robin get back into her news. She had more clips of celebrities talking about who they're going to be backing. Howard also read some e-mail. He said that a lot of people wrote in about the Super Bowl. He said he also got a lot of mail about his comments about Jordin Sparks being overweight. The Jim Cramer interview got a lot of positive feedback but people wanted him to be quiet while Jim was talking. Some people wrote in about their goofing on Gary about being bored out in Vegas. Some people were for it, some were against it. One person wrote in and told Gary to rent a car next time he's out there and take a drive because it's beautiful out there.
Robin went through some more clips and read some more stories about the presidential primaries. She also had a story about a coach who retired. That led to Howard playing a clip of the coach going off on his team after they lost a game.
Howard said that someone sent him a clip from the new M. Night Shyamalan movie and it looks like he might have a good one on his hands. He said the clip looked pretty good to him.
Robin read through some stories about the Super Bowl, Britney Spears mental breakdown, President Bush's $3 trillion budget and Amy Winehouse's drug problems. That led Fred playing her one hit song. Howard asked if there was anything else of hers in their system and Fred said they had nothing but that one song in there.
Robin had a few other stories that she went through. There was a story about a school that was trying to put a ban on intentional flatulence at the school. She read that there are 8th grade boys trying to see who can fart the loudest and they want to put a stop of that. Artie said that when he was in 8th grade or so, they put out a memo about kids giving other kids a ''Benny Hill'' which was a slap on the head like Benny Hill used to do to the old guy on his show. He said that they threatened to suspend kids for doing that to other kids.
Robin read a story about smokers having more trouble sleeping than people who don't smoke. She had some clips of George Clooney joking around and not being funny. Fred threw in some Beetlejuice laughing clips during that. Robin had some other celebrities talking about their Oscar nominations and getting all worked up about that stuff.
Robin had some clips of Eva Longoria Parker talking about her new movie. Howard said just hearing that name gives him chills. She had some clips of Martin Lawrence talking about a new movie he has coming out as well. Jessica Alba has a new movie too so she had some audio of her talking about playing a blind person. Robin also had Howard play a clip of Casey Affleck talking about his new movie. Howard cut that off after hearing a few seconds of it. Robin wrapped up with a story about Marie Osmond getting her own talk show. Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
Jon got the guys on the subject of this guy Kevin Kraft who was in today. Gary said that they almost unbooked him today because Howard didn't know that the name ''slow children'' was his group of guys, he thought that he had actually done some of his stunts to some actual slow children.
Jon asked Sal and Richard if they think that Kevin is up to par with the Jackass guys. Richard said he thinks that he is because he ate the candy out of Sal's pouch. That led to the guys talking about how they're not really up to what the Jackass guys are because they really get hurt when they do their stuff. Richard said that he and Sal are really more into the gay stunts than the stuff that hurts.
Gary said that someone on American Idol this season stole one of their stunts and got waxed on the show. They didn't know about that. Sal said that there was no contact with Kevin when he was dispensing the candy today. He said that it wasn't gay since there was no contact.
Gary said that he thought it was kind of funny when Sal was pouring his candy out all over him and Howard said that there were probably germs in there. If a chick was blowing him you wouldn't even think about that. Jon played a clip of Sal doing his thing with Kevin after that.
Kevin was in so Jon asked him if he knew that they were going to rip him the way they did. Kevin said he never got to explain himself during that segment. Jon told him to go ahead and explain himself then. Kevin said that they got started doing staged bloopers after seeing a tape that his father had. He said that they started out before they even saw the Jackass stuff. They eventually saw that stuff and there are a lot of people doing that kind of stuff out there. He said that they aren't the pioneers of the whole thing.
Richard said that he's seen some stuff that was out before the Jackass stuff. He mentioned one tape called Uncle Goddamn that he saw years ago. He said that the Jackass stuff is more clever than most of the stuff out there. He said he thinks that's what sets them apart from other people.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that Howard is turning into his mom these days. He said that he's complaining about people doing their thing and he should just let them do what they want to instead of lecturing them. He said it's getting old now. He said that he's not sure how Gary stood in there and took the shit that Howard was giving him yesterday.
Gary said that he just thinks that Howard was giving him a hard time because he knew that he was tweaking him about that whole Vegas thing. That led to the guys talking about Gary getting goofed on again today about interrupting Howard on the air. Jon took some more calls and Wheels called in to ask about Sal doing his pouch thing. Gary said that they should have a picture of that up on Howard's site today that's very funny looking.
Kevin said that he got a call from his father today and he loved the bit. He said he didn't get why they were goofing on him about the money thing. He said that he works his ass off to get the stuff that he has but his family does have some money. He was also pissed off about Ralph talking about his work ethic. He said that he works like 12 hours a day and has an hour and a half drive each way to work every day.
Jon asked Richard about the Nutri-grain bar that he had in his ass today. Richard talked about that for a few seconds and then Jon asked Kevin about the gay stuff. Kevin said that he doesn't really do gay stuff like getting fucked in the ass but the thing he did today was funny.
Benjy asked Kevin if he'd take Sal's cock in his ass if he had M&Ms on it. Kevin said he doesn't want a cock in his ass no matter what.
Jon also asked Kevin about what was up with Robin goofing on him so much. He said he's not sure why she was so brutal with him. Jon took a call from a guy who said that these tapes that they make are just a waste of time. He said that even the Jackass stuff is dumb and not that many people want to see it. Kevin said that they're making millions from that stuff though.
Kevin wanted to know what he's doing wrong that's not funny. The caller said that it seems to be as simple as his friends just not knowing what's funny. Richard said that he's seen this video on the web where a kid sticks a bottle rocket in his ass and the fire ends up burning the kid's ass and balls. Gary said that he was thinking of showing his kids that video but his wife thought he was stupid for even thinking that.
Ralph called in and said that he didn't shit on Kevin's work ethic. He said that he was saying that he just found it funny that Kevin has ADD and he's in charge of cataloging some tapes of the show. He said that doesn't mean he thinks he's not a good worker. Sal said that Ralph has no idea of what a real job is like since he doesn't have one.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if this is the Wrap Up Show or the show where everyone cries about what Howard said to them. He thinks that they should just suck it up and deal with it. Gary told the guy that they have to go until Noon with this show so they talk about everything. The guy told them to just shut up and stop complaining.
Gary asked Jeff if he's just stopped trying to make money. Jeff said that it's just not worth it so he doesn't bother. He said he gets $600 from the government every month. He has to pay rent and stuff like that though. Jon asked him if he loses money from the government if he gets paid by Artie. Jeff said that doesn't make a difference.
Jon asked Jeff if he's getting down to Atlantic City or not. Jeff said he's back in now and he'll be at that show. Jeff said that he doesn't have enough food stamps for food for a whole month. Gary suggested that he move in with another Wack Packer and pool his money with someone else. Jeff wasn't interested in that.
Gary told Jeff to make some effort to make some money on his own instead of begging for it. Richard asked him if he still smokes. Jeff said that he does and it costs him at least $7 a day for a pack. Gary said that he could have enough money for food if he didn't buy cigarettes. Jeff said that he gets his cigarettes off the web so they're cheaper than usual.
Jon let Jeff go a short time later and said that he doesn't think that he's going to make any effort to make money. Teddy thought that Jeff wasn't going to be coming down there, he thought that Artie had paid him off not to come. that led to the guys asking Teddy about the uniform that Artie wants him to wear. Teddy wasn't into it and said that if Ralph is designing it, he should have it ready by 2010 or so. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jeff said that when you put on something so familiar when you're out in the middle of nowhere it's very emotional. He said that they get to listen all day long when they're out there now though.
Jon asked Jeff about being a fan and how long he's been listening. Jeff said that one of the producers come up with stunts that they can name after stuff on the show. They had one stunt in Palau where they called in ''Bob on a Buoy'' and that was for Gary. They even said that they had another stunt where they tried throwing in Robin's last name and things like that.
Jeff said that this is season 16 and they're starting this season on Thursday. He's signed on to do two more years which is 4 more seasons. He said that the only downside is the amount of travel he has to do. He said they finished shooting this current season around December 6th and he has a little time off until June when they shoot again. He said that he remembered being on Howard's show in the second season and how cool that was. He said it was great when he heard Howard tell him that he seemed like an okay kind of guy. He said that was a big deal to him.
Jeff said that this season's show is the Fans vs. Faves and they didn't want to do another all-star show, which is when Jon said that they had officially jumped the shark. Jeff talked about some of the stuff that they were going to be doing this season and who they were going to have on the show.
Gary asked if there is ever going to be a celebrity Survivor. Jeff said that they'll never do it because everyone is doing shows like that now. He doesn't think it would work. Jon told him that's a good move, they don't need to do that. Jeff said that CBS wouldn't want them to do that either with B-list celebrities. They already did ''I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here.''
Jon said that Survivor was one of the first reality shows that really hit bit here in the United States and you know what to expect. He asked Jeff if people have an advantage now over the first season because people have learned. Jeff said there's a little bit of both and people do learn but there's new stuff each season. Jeff said that the bottom line is that you're constantly lying and it all matters who is going to lie first.
Gary said that there's a book out called Desperate Networks and it has a lot of details about the kind of money they spend on shows and stuff and it's very interesting. He said that he still loves the show and wished him luck with it.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they ever plan on doing any Survivors up in Canada in the winter or something. Jeff said that they've talked about it but they have problems with equipment and people would probably be huddling up all the time. They need them to be doing stuff and the warm wether helps out with that, not just the bikinis.
The caller said that people freezing their balls off might help too. Gary said that he thought that it would be interesting and people might lose fingers from frost bite and stuff. Jeff told Gary that they have more fake breasts this season than ever before. He said that they're bigger than ever too. He said that the girls will lose 18 pounds but nothing from up top, just their waist and ass.
Jeff said that the people come back on the show at their normal weights, after losing tons of weight, and they look overweight even though they're actually at a normal weight.
Jon asked Jeff who he thinks would do well in a Survivor if they did the show. Jeff said that Robin would probably do well because she's good at falling into the group. He said that Benjy would probably last a while because he's not a threat. He said that they'd probably pull out some kind of game toward the end. He said that Gary would do okay but he knows that Howard would never do the show so that's not even a question. He said he's not sure how Howard would do, he can't even picture him doing it. He said he can picture the other guys doing it but not Howard. Jon asked him about Artie. Jeff said that Artie would probably vote himself off. Fred would do well though. Jeff said he'd chart it all out and make some predictions.
Benjy asked about the season when they gave that guy Rupert some extra money even after he threatened to punch someone. Jeff said that they only have two rules that they have. He said that they don't want people conspiring to share the money or threatening anyone else.
Ralph called in and snored. He said that they were supposed to be talking about what went on during the Stern Show, not talking to Jeff. No offense to Jeff. Jeff told Ralph that he's such a charming asshole that he can't say anything bad about him. Then he told him to fuck off when they were hanging up on him.
Jeff said that Gary was nice enough to offer him the chance to come in and do the Stern Show. He said he didn't think that he'd be good on the Stern Show so he turned that down. He said that Gary did offer to have him on this show though. Gary said that they had Gina Gershon on the show one time and she wasn't all that good but they will bring people in once in a while.
Another caller said that this Survivor show is a game show and that's what it's all about. Jeff said that's true, they can't change the game or the rules for anyone because they have people watching over that. Jeff said that he hates being called a game show host, but that's basically what he is.
Gary said that he likes that Jeff is doing the final show now and not people like Bryant Gumble and Rosie O'Donnell. Jeff said he thinks that they just do that because they can't get other people to host it. He said if they could, they'd probably let them do it over him in a second.
A caller said that he thinks that Robin owes Artie an apology for what she said about Artie today. He doesn't believe that Robin got an e-mail and she said that straight from her own heart. He said it was total bullshit as far as he's concerned.
Shuli came in and said that Lisa G wanted to know if Jeff would host her cookie party next year. Gary said he heard about that but when he asked Jeff, he was out of town. Jon had to wrap up the show a short time later.
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Howard started off the show talking about the Giants big parade that took place yesterday. They sent Sal and Richard down there to talk to the fans. He sarcastically said they found a lot of nice fans down there. He went right to some clips where Richard and Sal asking if they'd mind having another holocaust if they could have the Giants win the Super Bowl again. The fans were so for the Giants that they said they didn't care if they had the holocaust or another tsunami wipe out hundreds of thousands of people.
Sal and Richard asked the fans why they were down there and got a bunch of guys, who sounded drunk, yelling out unintelligible. They also asked which guy on the team is the sexiest. Most of the guys thought that was too gay to answer, one guy said that Tiki was the sexiest but not in a gay way. Sal asked how big they think his cock is and all of the guys ran away.
Howard had another clip where one guy was talking about how people from New England don't know how to talk and made fun of their accent. The guys were all yelling at the top of their lungs about how much they hate the Patriots and telling them to eat their shit. One guy was really worked up.
Artie said that Richard is like a woman who doesn't know sports when he says ''Boston Patriots'' when he's asking these questions. Howard said that some of these guys put a lot of thought into their hate. He said that he's never thought about hating people from another state so much. He thinks that people up there in Boston are actually very nice.
Howard played another clip of a guy talking about how he'd eat 6 year old pussy at one point. Artie said that he could be referring to a new pussy that like a transsexual pussy. There were more clips of the guys out on the street chanting ''Fuck New England (clap, clap, clap)'' over and over.
Howard said that his hair stylist Toni brought her kids down there to the parade. He's kind of surprised by that. He said that she thought it was a once in a life time thing. Gary said he heard that there were about a million people out there for the parade.
Robin said she heard that there were people who called in sick but then showed up on camera and admitted they had called in sick just to go to the parade.
Howard played some more clips from the parade. Sal and Richard got some audio of people yelling about the Giants and even yelling about the Yankees taking it all the way this year too. Sal and Richard asked one guy about the team and then asked him about the weather, if he likes cold or warm weather better and other nonsense like that. The guy got confused after a few of those questions and didn't know what to say.
There was one guy telling Richard that he was gay and screaming at him. He was one of the screaming guys. Howard said that's the reason he stays locked up in his apartment. He played some more clips of the fans going off on the Boston fans. There was one guy who said he was out there smoking pot all morning and he didn't care about the cops or the Boston fans. He screamed about Tom Brady, his girlfriend Giselle Bundchen and other stuff. Howard said that guy is a real fan.
Howard took a call from a guy from Boston who said that he's not sure who sounds more intelligent, these guys at the parade or Daniel Carver. Howard asked the guy if he says ''wicked'' a lot like the guys at the parade were saying. The caller told him he's always saying that, yeah, always. He said they do nothing but gay acts up there too. Another guy from Boston called in and said ''fuck New York'' and said that they're going to take the Yankees again this year.
Sal came in and said that he and Richard yelled out ''Lets hear it for Boston'' and they got yelled at. Howard played a clip of all of these fans yelling at them and Richard and Sal yelling back at the top of their lungs.
Howard took a call from Syrus who said that he wanted to know what Sal had planned this year for his wife. Sal said he does have something but it's a surprise. Robin figured it was going to be a surprise to Sal too since he probably had nothing planned. That led to the guys talking to Sal about taking his wife out to a strip club last week and not spending a lot of time with her.
Sal said that he might be going to Amsterdam this year for Jason's bachelor party. He said that he wants to go there to smoke weed. He said he loves weed but Richard said he didn't think he liked it. Sal said that there are some great whores over there too but he won't be using any of them. Howard said they have to read between the lines there. Sal said that he and his wife don't cheat so he won't be doing any whores over there.
Robin wondered what Jason is going over there for. Gary told the guys that Jason loves pot, that's what he's going over there for. He's not going over there for the whores.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that there was one moment during the parade where one of the guys jumped off a float and there was almost a riot when the fans rushed him.
Another caller said that he's a big Artie fan but he doesn't think that the Giants are going to be able to do it again and it's been a while since they last won. Howard told him that they have as many rings as the Patriots.
Gary said that Eric got a new camera and you can really see his zits now. Eric said that he doesn't have any zits, he doesn't know what he's talking about. Howard said the picture was much better than the old one. Howard said that it does look like there are some zits on there. Eric said that there are no zits! He said that someone in the room said there were none too.
Howard pointed out some of Eric's zits and he said that they were clearing up. They were zits but he was apparently in denial about it. Howard said that he does have some stuff on his face and he wanted to know what it all was. Eric said that it was all nothing. Howard said it might be his hair dye. Eric said that he's probably red from anger.
Robin asked Eric what fake story he was talking about the Howard 100 News doing. Eric said that the story wasn't true that they reported on. He said that she never asked the guy in the news story being asked to hang out with Kendra at the party she was at. Eric said that they should lie detector test the guy. They turned it around on Eric and told him to lie detector test Kendra. Eric said that he trusts her.
Howard and the guys said that they could tell that Eric was getting upset about that. Howard thought he saw tears but Eric said that wasn't true.
Howard said that Eric did his American Idol show last night and he had some clips to play. He had one clip where Eric and his co-host Gina were talking about the show and the audio was all muffled. They were having a conversation about the show and one of the guys was saying that Eric would answer questions after the show.
Howard said it was like another lunar landing broadcast. They said that it was very much like Mars Attacks. That led to Fred playing the ''ack, ack'' clips from the movie. Howard told Eric that was some fabulous radio right there. They told him that they couldn't hear it. Eric said that's because they picked one clips where 4 people were trying to talk at once.
Howard had another clip where Eric was yelling at someone to shut the fuck up in the chat room. Eric was complaining that he wasn't ''modded'' up like he should be in the room. Gina was also not modded up. Howard said that's some radio show he's doing there. He told Eric that he shouldn't yell at people in the chat room if people don't know what's going on there.
Howard had another clip where Eric was making fun of a ''geeky'' looking woman. Howard found that odd that Eric of all people would make fun of the way someone looks. He said that he could be hurting their feelings by calling them names. Artie said that it's their job to make fun of people. Howard continued to play the clip where Eric is silent while American Idol plays. There wasn't much being said there.
Robin said that she's not sure if it was better than last week. Howard said he agrees, last week might have been better. Howard asked Eric what he was going by last night and played some ''Eric the...'' clips including Eric the...
Eric said that they're not doing radio, they're doing internet TV. Artie said that they're ruining internet TV then. Howard wrapped up with Eric a short time later and thanked him for coming on. Eric said that Mutt also gave them a sack of shit when he said that he wasn't part of that Syndicate thing. He said that Mutt was on there until yesterday. Howard said he doesn't believe that and Eric had no response for that. Robin said she doesn't care if he was.
Eric said that High Pitch is going to be on there tonight Deejaying. Howard thanked him for that and told him his new camera is much, much better. He let him go after giving him a plug for the JFSC.tv site. Artie wanted to know if they could create some kind of hybrid Wack Packer like ''High Pitch Eric The Midget'' on the web. Howard wasn't sure about that.
Howard asked Lonnie if he was going to give up the whole thing and become a teacher or something. Lonnie said that wasn't the case, he still loves breasts, fake and real. Lonnie said that he had a big announcement to make today. Howard interrupted him over and over and didn't let him get it out though.
Lonnie told Howard that after all of this research around the country, he found that the best club and chain around the country is Rick's Cabaret. He said that they have a new club in New York City that he's going to make his home base. Howard said he's never heard of that club before. Lonnie said that it's 4 stories and it's practically a mansion.
Lonnie said that they have nothing but girls, girls, girls there and he fell in love about 100 times when he was there. Lonnie said that they have a great assortment of girls there and they rotate them around the different clubs. He said that they have some southern girls there who are just outstanding. He said that they're so nice and their southern hospitality is amazing.
Howard asked what goes on in the 4 floors there. He said they have a restaurant there and VIP rooms and VIP treatment at the clubs. They have some great seating that's in the middle of the action. He said they're even thinking of putting a heliport on the roof so they can have people fly in. Lonnie said that it's going to be an amazing place.
Lonnie said that the guy who owns the place is Eric Langan and they hit it off very well when they met. He said that he even gave out SIRIUS radios to his managers for Christmas. Howard said he was happy that Lonnie found a place to work and congratulated him on that.
Lonnie told Artie that they had a lot of girls asking for him and he's hoping he can come down. Howard gave him a plug for the web site Ricks.com and talked about Ronnie who used to be known as Scoresman. He wondered what he's going to call himself now. Ronnie came in and said the place is amazing and he's now going to be known as ''Rickyman.''
Artie said that he has a weekend off so he'll probably go down there to check the place out this weekend. Howard said that they've been wondering where Lonnie was going to land and he was glad to hear that he finally found someplace to call home.
Howard let Ronnie go and played a prank call the guys made using Ronnie's ''Scoresman'' audio clips. After that Artie said he might have to invest in the club since Lonnie said that it is a publicly traded company. He said that he did take Jim Cramer's advice and invested in Black and Decker. He said he bought about 500 shares.
Artie said that he ended up voting for Barack Obama after he read a bunch of stuff about everyone. He said that he liked what he read about the guy. Howard asked him what it was that made him swing that way. Artie said he didn't like some of the stuff that he read about Hillary because she's too much of a politician. He said that Obama is less of a Politician type to him.
Gary came in and said he also voted for Barack Obama. He said that Hillary is very polarizing to him. He said that McCain has been for the war and Obama has come out against it from the beginning but Hillary kind of flip flops back and forth about it and can't seem to make up her mind.
Fred said that Obama hasn't really done anything to help end the war and he's not sure that he's any better than Hillary. Howard said that he thinks that Hillary's time is now and Obama will be around for a long time from now. He said that we have a shot at getting Hillary now and he thinks that we should get her as a team with her husband. A two for one deal is what he's thinking they can get with Hillary.
Howard said that he thinks that Hillary has been more of a leader in the Democratic party than the others have. He said that she has taken on the President and that's who he would pick if he had to make a choice. The guys talked about how there were a lot of men voting for Obama and women were voting for Hillary. Howard said that he hates to admit it but he feels that she is kind of naggy and he's kind of turned off by that. He can see why men would be turned off to that.
Howard talked about how every person who gets elected will be polarizing in some way. Robin said that the Clintons have had a lot of stuff going on in their political lives though and that ties up the whole country when they go through it. Howard said that will happen with anyone who gets elected.
Artie said he feels that there's a lot of baggage there with Clinton and he's not sure if they should have that again. Howard said that Bill knows how to run a country though and that's why he'd like to have that team.
The caller on the line told Howard that he can do a great Clinton impression so that's why he's hoping that Clinton wins. Howard said that's right and started to do that impression. He joked about going to Rick's Cabaret with Rickyman tonight.
Howard said that he thinks that it would make history more if we had a woman voted in as President. He said that he's not sure if they'd run as a team though. He said he doubted that would happen.
Howard said that he's not a Mitt Romney fan and he'd rather see McCain in there before Mitt. The guys talked about those two for a short time before Howard moved on.
Howard said that his mother saw this guy on a late night talk show, probably Carson, in 1973 and she got into this TM and it changed her life. He said that she had him come with her to one of the classes she was going to and he didn't want to go at first. He said that he already knew about that stuff and had no interest in meditating. He said he went home and saw the difference in her. He said she wasn't the depressed, down woman anymore. He said she was happy and his father was happier too.
Howard said that he was amazed at the change in his mother. He let her drag him to one of these centers and he went with the meditation thing. He ended up quitting a 3 pack a day smoking habit he had after doing the TM thing. He said that the smoking kind of sickened him and he didn't even want to attribute it to the TM. Robin said that she quit smoking the same way. She went and meditated and she hasn't had a cigarette since then.
Howard said that it helped him with his insomnia as well. Artie said that sounds like something he should do but he's not sure he could do that. He talked about his smoking and how awful it is but he just can't quit.
Howard said that even when he hurt his ankle and wasn't able to walk for a while, he didn't have that urge for a cigarette. He said that he thanked Maharishi Mahesh Yogi one time in person for helping him out and he really appreciated what he did for him and for his mother. He said the guy was a beautiful man and he feels that it has helped him with his creativity and where he's gone with his life. He said that he doesn't really talk about this stuff very much on the air.
Robin said that she was helped very much with the TM as well. She said that she had a lot of personal breakthroughs in her personal life because of that.
Gary said that he saw Howard do an interview with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi and it was like a different Howard when he was talking to him. He said that he'd love to see that on TV sometime. Howard said that he remembers the guy talking about how communism would go away in Russia and the Berlin Wall would fall eventually. He said he thought he was nuts at the time but it turns out he was right.
Howard said that the TM is a technique that can help anyone. You don't have to change your religion or anything like that. The meditation is just something that you can add to your life and not worry about what religion the guy was. Maharishi Mahesh Yogi was Hindu but he didn't try to convert anyone or anything like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the meditation and prayer helped him in his life too. He said that Artie should check into it. Howard said that his mother wanted to end her life at times after her sister died. He said that his father used to come home and tell her that they should become alcoholics together. She's no longer like that and she's got no negativity in her life.
Robin said that her changes she credits to the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi as well. She said that she spent a whole weekend with Howard's mother and sister at a meditation thing one time. Artie sounded interested in doing this but we'll have to wait and see if he tries it.
Howard said that he went to one of these TM centers one time and it was one of the best weekends in his life. He said that there are some people who don't continue it in their lives. He said he's known some people who do it, feel better and then stop.
Howard said that he goes to his office after the show and does his TM. He said he did it before the show this morning too. It only takes 20 minutes each time and he looks forward to it each time. He said that he had a hard time with it yesterday because there were guys working outside on the windows recaulking the windows. He said that he had people hammering over his head the whole time.
Howard said that this TM thing can work for anyone. He said it can work for Army Generals and even for him. He said that he's going to be forever indebted to Maharishi Mahesh Yogi for saving his mother. He said that he didn't come up with the TM thing, he was just a teacher. He said that he went around to different countries to help people with their lives.
Howard said that he did this interview with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi on NBC on a Sunday morning one time. He said that he didn't do it on his own radio show because he didn't want to ask him goofy questions. He said that he was very reverent with the guy because he did save his mother's life.
Howard said that Maharishi Mahesh Yogi died of old age, he was still very ''with it'' before he passed away. He said that was it for that great man and he hopes that he rests in peace. He had to go to break after that.
Howard said that he was reading about Brittany Murphy getting lip injections and he can't believe what these women are doing to their lips these days. He said that they're looking like ducks. He said that Christina Aguilera is pregnant and her breasts are huge now. He said they're like two pontoons. He said the pictures came from Egotastic.com.
Howard said that he was going to have Jeff Conaway call into the show but it turns out it's too early for him. He said that he's on this show ''Celebrity Rehab'' that's one of his favorite shows on TV right now. He said that Jeff was supposed to call in around 7 but he still hasn't called in.
Artie said that he saw the show and he can't stop watching it. He said that he thinks that Jeff is beyond help at this point because he's such a mess. He said that he's never seen anyone in that kind of shape from doing drugs. Howard said that Jeff had a great thing happen when he was on Taxi when that was a huge hit. He's really gone down hill since then. He said that maybe Reality TV has saved him, but not really.
Howard played some clips of Jeff talking to some of the people on the Celebrity Rehab show and he was mumbling and muttering stuff that was unintelligible. Howard said that what's amazing to him is that he realizes that drug addicts are like babies. He said that Jeff is being wheeled around in a wheelchair and everyone has to cater to him. He said that he yells at people to give him drugs and it's just like a little kid.
Howard played a clip where Daniel Baldwin was talking to Jeff and pointed out that he had smuggled drugs in and Jeff yells at him to take it back because he didn't smuggle anything in. Jeff yelled at him like a little kid would yell at a classmate.
Howard said that Jeff is terrific on that show but he doesn't think that he's going to live much longer if he keeps going the way he's going. Howard said that Daniel Baldwin is even more fucked up because he had to leave the treatment center because there were some women running around in skimpy clothes.
Howard and Artie talked about what was going on with some of the people on that show. Gary told Howard he had some clips of another drunk guy to play. It turned out to be Artie's drunken rant when he was out in Vegas and plastered back stage. Artie said that he cleaned up after that. Right.
Howard played another Jeff Conaway clip where he was having a major breakdown and he was in pain yelling and screaming. Howard said that's the guy who used to be on Taxi. Robin said that someone should shoot him and take him out of his misery.
Howard had another clip where Jeff was vomiting and some of the women there were coming in to help him out. The noises that he was making were pretty wild. Howard said that one of his favorite moments was when Dr. Drew came in during the middle of the night and Jeff noticed that his arms were really muscular and complimented him on that.
Howard asked Artie when he was last with Dana. Artie said it was about 3 weeks ago but they just kissed goodbye. He said he's been out on the road a lot lately and that's not helping things out. He said that she's commented on that because that's what kind of ruined their relationship the last time. Artie said that he's got more gigs coming up in the spring and the fall but he should be free during the summer.
Howard asked Artie how you get 1000 roses delivered. He said he had to tell Dana to stay home to wait for it because she had to be there to accept the delivery. He said that the roses thing really does work for broads. He said that she called and told him he should screw up more often.
Artie said Dana called him and told him that they had two vans there and they filled her small place up with flowers. They had to put stuff out on the terrace because the apartment was full.
Howard said that Lisa looked like she was about to orgasm over this. She said that he went above and beyond and he really does care. She said that means a lot to a woman.
Artie said that he was out in Vegas and Teddy told him that ProFlowers offered to send her the 1000 roses so he said yes, that's really all there was to it.
Howard asked Lisa if she would kiss Artie if he wanted to do that. She said that she was supposed to do that to go to Howard's wedding. She told Howard that doing the roses thing was very nice but she got some advice from a relationship expert and giving a note to one of her students to give to her would be another nice thing. Artie said that he could never do that, the kid would tell him it's gay and that he's a fag for doing it.
Howard said that it would be funny if Dana hooked up with one of the flower delivery guys. Artie said that he's supposed to see Dana this weekend since he doesn't have any gigs. He said that the Rick's Cabaret thing might throw a wrench into those plans though.
Howard said that those guys in the Giants parade are the kind of guys that you really expect to find out there. When a guy is actually nice, it's a rare thing. He replayed some of those clips from earlier in the morning. Howard said that's why women love romance, most of those guys aren't going to do something like send 1000 roses to them.
Artie said that whenever he hears Richard say ''Boston Patriots'' he wants to go out and slap him. He said he was also thinking about him rubbing deodorant all over his body when he was 14 and how crazy that is. He said that he can't believe that someone could be that uninformed about how to use deodorant. Howard played a few more of those clips of the Giants fans yelling about New England.
Gary said that Jeff called him after the Wrap Up Show and told him he's done with the show and not to call him anymore. Howard said that he doesn't believe him. Artie said he'll be on the phone soon, he can't leave the show. Robin said that he's like Eric the Midget, he can't stay away for long.
Artie did an impression of Jeff back stage at the show he did with him recently. Jeff showed up between two shows and came back to the green room. He said that Jeff was giving him that puppy dog look and said he wanted to talk to him. He said that he told him about his broken water heater and how he had to pay to fix it. Then he had to buy new propane for it. He said that Jeff just kept talking about all of this stuff that he had to pay for. Then he asked if he could be a permanent fixture on his comedy show. Artie said that he offered to give Jeff some money that night for just saying hello to the crowd. He said then he asked him for a room and he didn't want to do that so Jeff ended up yelling at him saying he could get him a fucking room.
Artie said that one of the comedians there said he had heard stories about Jeff and he didn't know that he really acted like that. Jeff can turn on a dime and just freak out on him even after he's just been given hundreds of dollars for doing 10 seconds on stage.
Artie said that he's glad that Jeff's mother passed away because now she doesn't have to put up with that shit anymore. Gary said that they tried to talk to Jeff about the Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer show because he and his mother used to watch it together.
Gary told another story about Jeff the drunk pissing all over the toilet seat in the bathroom at the gig they were at. Artie said that he has a hard enough time going to public bathrooms and he has to go use it after Jeff does. Artie talked about the time that they did the show where they had Jeff the Drunk handcuffed to a woman who was trying to win money. He said that Jeff took a shit and he got all upset when the woman almost puked from smelling his shit. Gary said that they talked to Jeff about his smoking and how he's spending a good portion of his SSI checks buying cigarettes. Artie said he buys weed too.
Lisa got back to her news preview and said that she spoke to the rapper Risque who sang that song they played yesterday where she sings about smelling her man's dick. She said that she got that from a real life experience. They'll have more about that on Howard 100 News today.
Howard said that he had another one from Mike Morse that he played quickly. That song was ''Feel Me Up'' to the tune of ''Fill Me Up.'' Howard told Fred to use that one when they start Robin's news.
Howard said that Chris Berman had a tirade the other day when he was recording his TV show on ESPN. He played the clip where Berman freaked out when a crew member walked in front of the camera. Berman was yelling at the crew to just stay calm for 10 minutes, they can walk around for 2 hours before he tapes. Howard said that clip was actually from the year 2000. It wasn't something recent.
Howard played a clip from MSNBC where this woman Erin almost said ''shit'' but she dragged it out so it sounded like ''Shiiiiii... it.'' Howard spent a minute talking about her because she's been getting into some trouble on that channel lately. He said that she called the President a monkey during one broadcast. Her co-hosts said they didn't know what she was talking about. She had to issue an apology after that so Howard played that clip as well. She said that she had said something stupid and she hopes she didn't offend anyone. She claimed to have respect for the president but it was obvious that she doesn't after hearing those comments.
Gary said that JD had another clip of a sportscaster talking about a ''wife beater'' t-shirt and then apologizing for using that term. He said it no problem but then he has to come back on and apologize for using that description. That led to them playing Sal's song ''Beat My Wife.'' Howard said that he knew that Sal's marriage was in trouble after he wrote that song. They spent a little time talking about the hate in that song and how Sal has another level of anger in him that most people don't have.
Howard played a little bit of the song parody that Sal's wife recorded about him. He also had some of Sal's apology tape but he said he had to take a break. He played one more clip of a sports caster saying ''14 shits'' instead of shifts.
Howard said that he hates these little dogs and the people who don't train them to shit outside. He said that he's had them over to his house and the dogs end up shitting in his house. He said that they claim that it's the first time it ever happened but he knows that's bullshit.
Wheels told Artie that he doesn't need Dana, he should be fucking a 20 year old. He said that his friends are going to be screwing younger women while he's stuck with Dana. Howard said that people do that to him all the time and tell him that he could be out there fucking all kinds of girls.
Wheels told Howard he should get out of therapy too. He said that he must be spending a lot of money on that stuff. Howard said that he does pay thousands a month and he pays it on time too. He said that he's down to 3 days a week now and it's not as much as Wheels thinks it is. He said that he can barely have a conversation with people and he's trying to get help with his misery. He said that he's just miserable inside and doesn't enjoy anything. He's trying to make that better and he's got Wheels giving him a hard time about it.
Wheels said that he wanted to play Howard in a game of chess but wouldn't say what his score is. He said that Howard has all that time to play the game online and that's why his score is over 1650. Wheels was giving everyone a hard time this morning.
Wheels asked Robin if she still plays with herself now that she's with Jim. Robin didn't seem to be into answering those questions though. That led to them asking Robin about her shit and if it smells different now that she's not eating crappy food. She said that it is different but she still goes every day. She said that she doesn't check it for consistency like Howard does. Robin said that she doesn't always look at it but she will glance back and check it once in a while.
Howard kept after Robin trying to find out how she looks at her shit but she didn't want to talk about it. Wheels told Howard that he sits down to pee like a little bitch too. Howard told Wheels that he does too, he's in a wheelchair. Wheels said that he's going to sniff Jim's finger when he sees him next month.
Howard was going to let Wheels go but Wheels wanted to send Lisa G some flowers. He was all over the place today with his comments. Howard let him go after that.
Howard took another call from a guy who thinks that Barack Obama is going to get elected and then he'll turn into Flavor Flav once he gets in. Howard said that would be so cool if he did that. He said he'd get in and change his way of speaking and tell everyone that he had scammed us all. That led to Artie singing along to a Biggie Smalls song that Fred was playing. He did that for a couple of minutes.
Howard said that the guys had given him some bad information and tried to give him a song that he wanted but they gave him the wrong thing.
Artie said that the dinner was pretty emotional and he was all worked up about this gift that his family gave to him. It was an old Yoo Hoo shirt that Thurman used to wear under his team shirt. IT was his lucky shirt and this woman told him that he'd probably love for him to have it. Artie said that he was only 32 when he died and Artie was only 11 at the time.
Richie said that the fans all flocked to Artie when they showed up. He said that the family are all fans of Artie's and they were all coming up and getting his autograph and stuff. Artie thanked Richie for the gift and said it was very thoughtful. Howard said he had to go to break after that.
Scott came in and said that they did go to the North Shore Animal League and they found out that the dog needs 3 surgeries. It needs 2 hips and one shoulder operation. They got the results last week and they have to wait until the dog is a year old before starting any of the surgeries.
Scott said that the dog is in pain and she barely walks or eats because of it. She trips because her front leg is bad and she really needs a lot of work. He said they are going forward with it though.
Benjy said that he used to have some kind of OCD but he's not sure if he has it with the job. Fred said that he has to come in at the last moment for some strange reason and he's not sure what that's all about. He said that Benjy also wears his headphones in a retarded fashion too.
Ronnie came in and said that Benjy forgot his ID and he tried to run through the lobby and the guards had to stop him. He said that they've filed a complaint about him with SIRIUS security. Gary came in and said that Benjy came in without any ID and he has to call upstairs before he can go up. Gary said that Benjy jumped the turnstile and yelled that he forgot his ID so security had to chase him down and stop him.
Gary said that he was standing outside the green room this morning and he could hear a gallop coming toward him. He said that they told him to get against the wall because Benjy just runs through not thinking about anyone else.
Gary said that Artie has a standing order for his breakfast and they have to send someone out to get the food for him. Benjy will give his order by yelling it out as he's running in. Howard told Gary that he has to put a stop to that.
Benjy said that he's asked for some fruit to be brought in there for his breakfast and they told him now. Gary said that they're talking about the order that he yells out when he's running in.
Ronnie said that Benjy stood outside the lobby this morning and yelled for him to come and let him in. Howard said that there's too much drama going on with him there. He said that he's got to go see a doctor if he's got something wrong with him.
Benjy said that he knows that it's hard to get in there without ID but he just forgot it. He said that he must have forgotten to grab it this morning. Howard asked him how late he gets there. Ronnie said he gets there between 6:00 and 6:01 every morning.
Benjy said that he got there this morning and said he'd forgotten his ID. He asked them to call upstairs and begged them to let him go up. He said that he didn't jump the turnstile. Ronnie said that whatever he did caused a problem down there. Ronnie said that he has a good relationship with the people down there and he just has to call and they'll let people in. This is screwing it up for everyone when he pulls this kind of thing.
Ronnie said that they're going to make him come down there and verify anyone that shows up down there from now on. Benjy said that he's not sure why they're upset with him down there, he's not sure what he did wrong. Benjy said that he just ran through the turnstile down there.
Artie said that Benjy has an issue every single day there. It's not just this morning. He said that he's afraid to get out of his car every morning because of the way Benjy runs through the building. He said that he gets out of his cab and starts to run like a bull into the building and it's just not funny.
Howard told Benjy to cut the shit and just get there at quarter to six. Benjy said okay to that. Howard told him that he can't be running into the building like that. Artie said that he could hurt someone by running into them.
Howard said that Benjy is doing this for attention and he's got to stop it. He asked him why he can't get there 15 minutes earlier. Benjy told them that they're all right. He shouldn't be running in the building but he can run out on the street if he wants, that's up to him.
Gary said that it's the drama around there that he's causing that's really a problem. Benjy said that he thinks that it's a bigger deal because it's him doing it. Artie said that his driver thinks that Benjy is some kind of crazy person or something.
Ronnie said that they have a problem with him running into the building every morning. It's not just today. Benjy asked what he did wrong this morning. Howard tried to explain to him that he has to stop holding other people responsible for his problems. Benjy didn't think that he was but Ronnie said he's told him to stop this stuff for a long time now and he just keeps going.
Howard asked Benjy what time he leaves there every day. He said it's about 1 o'clock or so but it's different every day. Howard told him he can run all afternoon if he wants to, he doesn't have to run to work. Ronnie said that this has been going on for years and he thinks it's got to be some kind of bit he's doing or maybe OCD.
Howard told Benjy that being a kook doesn't impress him. He wants him to work with Sal and Richard or something in the afternoon.
Artie said that Benjy will probably show up 20 minutes early tomorrow and come crawling in. He said he's really worried about him running in the way he does because he can hurt someone. Benjy said he knows it's very dangerous. Howard told him it really is.
Howard told Benjy that being funny off the air makes no sense. He said that he should save the funny for the air. He said that even Doug Goodstein sent him a note about Benjy trying to be funny out on the street with no camera on him. He read the note from Doug where he describes Benjy yelling out his name as he's walking down the street to the In Demand offices. He said that Benjy continued to yell at him the whole time he saw him out on the street. Doug said that he tried to rush to the subway to escape his screaming. He was pretty sure that Benjy just did it for his own amusement.
Howard wanted Benjy to explain to him why he was doing that. Benjy said that he did it because he got a kick out of it himself. He was doing it for his own enjoyment. Howard asked him when he last did a prank call. Benjy said he's done some lately but he didn't record them.
Richard said that Benjy scared the shit out of him out on the street one day. Howard told him to stop doing that shit and spend some time coming up with some bits or prank calls or something. Richard said that he does help them out with some bits and stuff.
Richard said that he was out on the street and Benjy came running at him like a bull and people around him freaked out when they saw it happening. He said he thought it was funny but it was also kind of scary. Artie said that you won't see him out on 7th Ave. singing ''Mr. Crowley'' because he saves it for the show.
Howard said that he gets enough attention himself and he doesn't need to go out on the street and have people looking at him while he does some crazy shit. He wondered if Benjy's parents didn't pay enough attention to him or something. Benjy said that he gets along with his parents just fine.
Benjy told Howard that he understands that the running in the building is his business but what he does out on the street really isn't his business at all. Howard said it kind of is when it effects the show. He said he had to cut this off so he could get to Jenna Jameson and Tito Ortiz. Greg Fitzsimmons was also there.
Greg said that he saw Benjy out in Vegas at the AVN awards and he was wearing the black shirt and it's just not a good look for him. He said he loves Benjy and he thinks that he's going to come out of that cocoon some day and blossom into a beautiful butterfly. Benjy said that he's really not looking that bad. The guys told him that he did look a little disheveled.
Howard asked Greg if he knows Jenna Jameson. He said that he did meet her out in Vegas at the AVN Awards. He said he was shocked when he saw how thin she's gotten. He didn't want to say anything negative about her since she was there with Tito Ortiz. Howard said he'll find out what's going on with her shortly.
Howard asked Greg about a note he read about him wanting to beat up Dave Navarro. Greg said that he was out in Vegas and both the AVN and the CES conventions were going on at the same time. He said he saw Dave sitting in the audience that day and he saw that he wasn't laughing or paying attention. He said it drove him nuts and it really bothered him that he wasn't paying attention. He said that Dave is a fuckin asshole and he should be looking at him while he's working h is ass off up on stage. He said that if he had seen him after the show, he would have asked him what kind of douche goes to a porn convention to get laid. He said he gets that Pauly Shore would go there for that but not Dave Navarro. Greg said that the AVN thing is a tough gig to do and he doesn't need a guy like Dave Navarro ruining it for him.
Howard gave Greg a couple of plugs for his upcoming gigs and said you can find out more at Myspace.com/FitzDog. He had to go to break after that.
Howard asked Tito if he's in love with Jenna. Tito said he really is and even though Howard said that things weren't going to work out, they have so far. Howard said he didn't think that things were going to work out because Jenna is into chicks. He said that every relationship she's been in with a guy has turned into a nightmare. She said that she's still in a nightmare with her previous husband.
Howard read that Jenna had sold her web site to Playboy for something like $30 million. Jenna said she can't say how much it was because she's under contract not to. She said that she was the majority owner in the site and she gave it up for a nice pay off.
Howard told Jenna that the guy she was with before was wrong for her. He warned her about that in the past and he was right. Howard said that Jenna's big score was selling her web site and this guy she was married to is going to get half of it. She said it does kill her though.
Howard asked Jenna about her weight loss and if she was getting anorexic. She said that she was getting very skinny and she's gained back some of her weight. She said she was down to about 95 pounds at one point. Tito said that she had a lot of stuff on her plate and she was under a lot of stress. He said that he kept trying to feed her and get her weight back up. Jenna said she was over exercising and things like that too.
Jenna said that she doesn't have to compete with the girls in the industry anymore. She said that she was under a lot of pressure while all of this web site and marriage stuff was going on. She said she knows she went too far with the skinny. She knew that she had to worry more about her health when she looked in the mirror one day.
Howard heard that Jenna got her implants removed but she said that she just got smaller ones put in. She's down to a small C-cup now. Artie asked to see them but she said she's waiting for a big pay day to do that.
Howard asked Jenna if she got out of porn because of Tito. She said that's not why she did it. She said that there were times in her life when she was a complete les-bot but now she's evolved into a woman and she doesn't need that kind of stuff anymore. She said she doesn't want women and Tito is enough for her. Tito said that he's not looking for other women either, she's enough for him.
Howard said that Jenna's friends would know what to do and he can't imagine that she doesn't think about other women. Jenna said that Tito is good at what he does with her, even licking her. She said that she wasn't even into it that much in the past but he's do good that she loves it. Howard wanted to know more about that so he asked what it is that he does that's so great. Jenna said that he'll go down on her for hours and won't give up. Howard wanted to see what he does but Tito said he can't do it there. He said if he could show it, he'd be in porn himself.
Howard asked what he has that's so great. She said that he's got soft lips and he has this whole little action that works really well. Howard wanted to know more about it but they couldn't really explain it to him in detail.
Howard said that Tito has been going out with Jenna for a year and a half now and he wondered if he's got any problem with her doing porn. Tito said that he really doesn't. He said that his mother even loves her.
Howard asked Jenna if they would ever put a movie out. Tito said that they almost did that accidentally when they taped themselves and left the tape in a hotel room. Jenna said that she's pretty sure that no one would care about a tape like that. Artie said there are plenty of people who would care.
Howard asked them how often they have sex. They said that it's every single day. Jenna said that sometimes she has to ask Tito not to do it but he needs it every single day. Howard asked if he does anything like Bukkake her face. Tito said that's funny because that's their inside joke. They do that once in a while and Jenna has asked for some rhinestone covered goggles.
Howard asked Jenna if she has a problem getting worked up for her man. She said that she gets so wet for Tito. She said that when she was married she thought she was losing her sex drive until she met Tito. Then she realized it wasn't gone.
Howard asked Jenna if she likes anal and how often they do it. Tito said that they really don't do it. Jenna said that it's not her thing and Tito was the same. He said that's dirty.
Howard asked about a vagina operation that she was rumored to have had but she said that was a bunch of bull, she never had that operation. Howard asked her about Dave Navarro since she went out with him. Jenna said that Dave wasn't her type. She said that he was kind of femme for her and he's the same height as her and she prefers really tall guys. She said that she wants to be friends with him but that's about it.
Howard asked Jenna about the Jenny McCarthy story she told and how Jenny denied it. Jenna said that she loves Jenny and she wouldn't lie about it but if that's what Jenny wants to say, that's fine with her. She said that she has no reason to lie about it herself though.
Howard asked Tito if he and Jenna are going to get married. Tito and Jenna both said that they will never get married. They have no desire to do that. Howard said he said that years ago and now he's engaged to get married again.
Greg said he was doing some shows out in Vegas during the AVN awards and all of these porn stars have strange lists of things that are considered cheating and not cheating. He wondered if Jenna has those lists too. Howard asked Jenna if Tito dumped her, would she kill herself. Jenna laughed. She said that she doesn't think that she'd kill herself. Tito said that she would probably try to kill him.
Howard said that Tito is on Celebrity Apprentice which airs on Thursday nights on NBC. He asked him about this Ultimate Fighting thing and how he's in a fight with this guy Dana White who created the series. Tito said that he doesn't get treated right in that whole thing. He said that Dana is an ego maniac and he thinks that he really just wants attention. He said that the guy wants to fight him.
Howard read that Dana said that Tito is a complete moron and doesn't know it. Tito said that's just another guy trying to hold him down. Howard said that this guy Dana also said that Jenna has double idiot power and he'd rather have a conversation with a table than Jenna.
Jenna said that she challenged Dana about his business decisions and she thinks that he's really insecure about himself. She said that they're trying to get people more money in that series. They don't pay them based on their wins. Tito said that he can leave that series after his contract is up in May and he thinks his fans will follow him wherever he goes. He said he's doing one more fight on May 24th and that's the end of his contract. He said that he's only lost 2 times in the past few years and he only lost to the two best guys, other than him, out there.
Tito said that he still thinks that he's the best out there and he could fight those guys now and he would win. Howard asked him about the kind of money he has because he read that he had purchased a training center that was very expensive. Tito said that he's made some good money with his clothing line and his ex-wife still works very hard on that.
Howard asked Tito what he can do to get back at this guy Dana. Tito said that success is the best ''fuck you'' to him. He said that he wants to take care of the fighters and make sure they get paid what they deserve. Howard said that maybe they should unionize. Tito said there is a possibility of that.
Greg said that no one has nailed down the male demographic like these two people sitting on the couch. Tito and Jenna said that's true because they have the same fans.
Tito and Jenna were talking about how they spoon together in bed and that's how they get things started in bed. Greg joked that she farts on him when she does that. Tito said that actually happened one time and she farted on him while she was sleeping.
Howard asked Jenna about getting her asshole bleached. She said she did it one time just for fun, she wasn't even doing movies at the time. Howard asked Jenna about getting her lips inflated and why she would do that. She said that she's letting them go back down now. She said that they were double the size they are now. Howard said that she's really beautiful and doesn't need that kind of stuff. Jenna said she thinks that change is fun, that's why she does stuff like that.
Jenna told Howard that Tito is the first guy she doesn't worry about cheating on her. She said she knows that sounds weird but she really believes that's how he is. She said that there have been guys, and girls, in the past who have cheated on her. Howard wondered if they have the perfect relationship that they claim to have. Robin said she's not sure about that.
Howard asked Tito if Jenna has retained her tightness even after all of the fucking she did over the years. He said that it has.
Howard gave Tito another plug for Celebrity Apprentice and that led to them talking about the money they win going to charity. Howard said that he can't imagine giving up all of that money to charity. He said that he does donate money to charity himself but he can't see having a show give it away for him.
Howard asked Tito if he could get $15 million together if he had to. Tito said that if he had to do it to save his life or something, he could definitely do it. Howard suggested that Tito tell NBC to give their advertising revenue to charity if they want him to give it up on the show. Tito said that's an interesting idea.
Howard asked Jenna about fingering Britney Spears when they were out one night. Jenna said that she didn't do that. She swore on the life of Tito that she didn't do that.
Howard gave Jenna a plug for her new perfume Heartbreaker that's coming out next month. Jenna also said that she's supporting this boycott of KFC because they torture their chickens, according to Jenna.
Howard took a call from this guy Mark who said that he thinks that this whole thing is a bunch of bullshit and Jenna's claims that she's retiring from porn are just made up. Jenna said that she hasn't done movies for about 4 and a half years. She said that she's still releasing movies that she shot back then.
Mark asked Jenna about the skinniness being from the contraction of HIV. Jenna said that she doesn't have HIV and she's been tested. That led to them talking about the use of speed and how the two of them had both tried it. Tito said that he got into it to stay up at night when he was working 16 hour days. He said he wrote about all of that in his book that will be out in June. Jenna said that they have a lot in common and they both have similar lives.
Howard asked Jenna what the worst thing was that ever happened to her. She said that she got raped in high school but she talked about all of that in her book. She said that she was living out in Montana then and there were three guys who raped her. She said that she doesn't like to talk about it, it's better to read about it. She said that it was out in the woods and she really thought that she was going to get killed. She said that she had to walk home like 3 miles and she ended up lying about it to her father. She said she wishes now that she was strong enough and able to talk about it back then.
Jenna said that writing her book really helped her get it all out. She said she now feels happy now. She said that there's still one guy out there who claims that he didn't rape her. She said that he claims that he didn't do anything and she's lying about it. She said she was 16 at the time.
Bobo called in and asked Tito if he would fight Chuck Zito. Tito said that he could take him but he's friends with him. Howard said that he's not so sure about that. Tito said it would be no problem to take Zito down. Tito said that he works out all the time and he could take him no problem.
Howard talked to Tito about street fighting and things like that too. Tito told a story about how he had been throwing fireworks out in the street when he was a kid and this guy came up to him when he was sitting out on the porch with his friends. He said that the guy came up to him and punched him in the face. He said he ended up kicking the guy in the face after one of his buddies had knocked him out. He said that he went to a party a few months later and this guy came in bragging about what had happened and how he was in the hospital for weeks drinking his food through a straw. Tito told him that it was him and the guy turned white and said he had to apologize for what he did. Tito said that he was only 16 or so at the time. Howard said that when he was 16 he made a prank call one time.
Jenna said that people really respect Tito now and he doesn't have to fight anyone. Tito said that he did have to straighten some people out over stuff they would do to her. He said that there was one time that this person kept spilling drinks on Jenna and he scaled the wall to get to the guy to straighten him out. Jenna said that guy shit his pants when he had Tito coming after him.
Greg said that he had some jokes about the two of them and he crossed that shit out when he saw them there at the AVN Awards.
Howard took some more calls from the two of them and one guy pointed out that Jenny McCarthy had taken a lie detector test about the story that Jenna told and Jenny passed. They talked about having Jenna take a lie detector test for that but she wasn't into it. They said it might be cool just to have her do it for the hell of it.
Howard took another call and a guy asked if Jenna has ever left any mud on the helmet. That led to Howard asking if she and Tito had ever done it at all. Jenna said that they had tried but Tito is so big that she can't do it with him.
Howard gave Jenna a plug for her book ''Something Blue: Jenna Jameson's Jenna Tales'' and spent a few more minutes talking to the two of them.
Artie asked Tito about doing the Celebrity Apprentice show and if he ever wants to smack Trump's kids around. Tito said that they're actually very cool to him and he doesn't want to do that at all. Jenna said that they do kind of come off as holier than thou once in a while though.
Howard gave Tito and Jenna a few more plugs. He said you can find out more about Tito's clothing line at Punishment.com. Tito also said that he's got a book coming out in June. He mentioned that there were some stories in the book that make him nervous. He said that he was afraid to bring some of that stuff out because there are some stories about his parents in there. He said that his mother really did a lot for him and he doesn't want people to think differently of her. Jenna said that it won't be that big of a deal once the book comes out.
Howard asked Tito if he thinks he could beat up Chuck Norris and Mike Tyson. Tito said that he thinks that he could beat either one of them but he's friends with Mike and he's an awesome guy. Howard said that they all love the Jenna Jameson vibrating pussy and showed that to the guys. Artie asked if he could take that home.
Greg told a story about Artie doing a joke about Jessica Drake and how she demanded that he not do it at the AVN awards. Greg said he later found out that a lot of porn stars hate her and don't like to work with her. Jenna said that no one even knows who she is, she's not as big as some think she is.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his Howard 100 News preview. He wondered who has a bigger penis, Greg or Steve. Greg said that his is pretty big but he hasn't measured it. Steve didn't have a measurement either.
Steve said that KC Armstrong may be a fugitive now that he hasn't shown up to court in California. Steve said he got a call from KC in the back room earlier and KC said he doesn't give a fuck about not showing up in court.
Steve said that Kenneth Keith Kallenbach is getting messages from the woman who High Pitch Eric was getting into trouble with. Steve also has some news about this Syndicate that Eric the Midget was talking about on the show. They have a story about Lisa G asking Jeff Probst to host her cookie party this year. Howard said that he's sure that Jeff said no to that.
Howard said he heard Jeff Probst on the Wrap Up Show yesterday and he thought it was very interesting but then Ralph called in and said he was bored with it. He didn't get that at all.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon said they'll be talking about Jenna Jameson and Tito Ortiz's interview. They'll also go over stuff like Benjy's stampede into the studio and the trouble he got into over that. They'll be going over a bunch of other things that they covered today on the show.
Steve the Intern came in with a preview of the Intern Show that airs tonight on Howard 101. They have some interns who will be telling some stories about what's been going on with them at the show. They'll also have Kevin Kraft in as a special guest.
Robin got into her news and read a story about the casinos out in Las Vegas losing millions on the Super Bowl. Howard said that he was thinking about Artie's bookie and how he bankrupted the guy with his huge bets. Howard asked Artie if he thinks that he's going to skip town or something. Artie said that the guy can't skip town or anything because he has family ties there.
Artie said that this bookie was short about $75,000 of the $78,000 that he owes him. He said that this guy that he's dealing with is a nice guy and he doesn't want to get back into the crazy bookies he had in years past. He said that this guy got in over his head with that whole thing. He said that he's a degenerate gambler himself and he feels sorry for the guy. He said that they're working out a payment deal on the whole thing though.
Artie said that he's been keeping track of his losses over the years and he figures it's somewhere around 300 grand. He said he's pretty sure that he'll just gamble away this $78,000 that he won. He's afraid that's what's going to happen.
Robin got back to her news and brought up Fat Tuesday which led to Artie talking about that ''fat piece of shit'' comment that she made yesterday. Howard asked him to cool it with that because it was already tomorrow. He just wanted to get the show done.
Robin read a story about a study that was done about the preferences of couples for what kind of bed they like to have sex on. they found that the type with springs inside are best, not the memory foam type. Fred played some of the old lady porn clips that he played yesterday when that came up.
Howard read an e-mail he got from a guy who asked him if he'd be uptight about his girlfriend getting topless on a topless beach. Howard said that he would be very uptight about that and he doesn't want other people to see her breasts. Greg said that he and a friend went to a topless beach and their women took their tops off and he didn't mind it at all, he kind of liked it.
Fred said that his wife did that one time and he would never want her to do that again. He said that his wife has great breasts and he doesn't want people seeing them like that.
Howard said that he got some feedback about his story about his mother checking his ass for pinworms. Some people were upset with him for complaining about it, his mother was just trying to help him out. Greg said he did that to his son and they had to do it again recently. He said they tell the doctor about him having them and they give this one little pill to get rid of them. He wondered why they can't just give the pill and not have him creeping around his kid's room like a molester.
Howard read an e-mail from a guy who said that Robin's friend was right about Artie looking like shit on letterman. The guy said that Artie's quadruple chins make it impossible to laugh at him. Robin said that she wishes that she had never brought up that e-mail and wanted them to drop it already.
Robin read some stories about the primary elections and the guys spent some time talking about that stuff. Howard played some audio clips of Hillary Clinton congratulating Barack Obama on his win. Robin had some coverage of the other people running in the primaries and how the sex workers are preparing for the influx of people in Colorado.
Greg told Howard that he snuck into an event and got an interview with the Mayor of San Francisco who said that he's a big fan of the show and he thinks that it's bullshit that this merger is dragging out as long as it is. Howard thanked him for that and had Robin get right back to her news.
Robin had some audio of Roger Clemens talking about his testifying in front of congress over the use of steroids.
Howard noticed that Artie was getting a little sleepy toward the end of the show so he talked to him about taking a nap. Artie said that he's a professional and he's not going to go to sleep. Howard said that maybe they should have a nap time during the show. Artie said that he'd be all for that.
Robin read a story about a monkey that was boiled alive in a study. She said that the humane society is asking for an investigation to be done on the facility that did it. They claim that the workers took the cage that the monkey was in and sent it through a steam cleaner claiming they forgot to take the monkey out of the cage.
Robin read a story where she brought up the name Herbie Hancock and that led to Artie doing his Beavis and Butt-Head impression for a few seconds. That ''cock'' mention seemed to wake him up a little bit, but then he fell asleep a few seconds later. Howard pointed out that he was asleep and then had the guys bash a cymbal. That woke him up.
Artie said that he spilled his water all over the friggin place. Artie asked ''What else Robin?'' after that. Greg was laughing at him after they bashed the cymbal.
Robin read a story about this movie where a guy is naked and gets into a fight. That led to Greg telling a story about how he got into a fight with his roommate's boyfriend who came over and started to beat her up. He said he was naked at the time and had to put a stop to it so he just went in naked.
Robin had Howard playing some clips from last night's American Idol show. they went through those and wrapped up with Greg a short time later. Howard ended the show around 11:05am.
Jon said they had those clips of Sal and Richard interviewing people out at the Giants parade. Gary said that it will always ''So what do you think of the Boston Patriots?'' for him. He said that those two guys are funny with that stuff and he'd love to see Sal throw a football on stage sometime. Jon said that he'd like to see Sal throwing a football with Jason.
Sal came in and said that he never really threw a football with his father. He said that he made lots of pizza though. He worked in his father's pizzeria. Richard said he used to play T-ball when he was like 5 or 6. Gary asked him how he doesn't know the name of the team. Richard said that he was scared, it was very scary down there at the parade.
Richard said that he got grabbed by one guy and it was really scary. He said that he felt like he was going to be raped or something and if he had, no one would have even noticed. Gary said that the scariest fans in the world are the ones who get drunk and start jostling and hugging you.
Jon asked Sal and Richard about the guys who ran away from them. Sal said that was a group of black guys and they just ran off when he asked them how big Tiki Barber's cock was. Sal said that he also asked some of those people how they got a day off of work to get down there and they all looked at him like his head was cut off.
Gary talked to Benjy about the way he shows up late and how it's different for him than it is for someone like Artie. He asked him if he thinks that they're just making a commotion about him or if they were serious. Benjy said that he knows that they're serious. He said that sometimes they goof on him and hold the door shut and stuff.
Gary said that Benjy creates a scene there and that's something he doesn't need to do. He asked Benjy to please stop making the scene and told him he's serious about that. Benjy said that he's just hustling to get in there. Gary said that some people, like Artie, are able to just walk in briskly instead of running in like it's life or death.
Benjy said that he admits that it's not good to do to run in the way he does. Sal asked him if this is his new angle to just agree with them when they complain about stuff. That's what he was doing with Howard earlier. Benjy said that he knows that running late is a bad habit. Gary told him it almost cost him his job once.
Gary asked Benjy if he thinks that he has OCD or not. Benjy said that he's not qualified to diagnose something like that. He said that he used to have some OCD symptoms in the past and he may have had some problems like that but he's not suer if that's what this whole thing is about.
Jon asked Benjy if he's going to try and change like he said he will. Gary said that he will change for about a week but then he'll go back to doing things the way it was today. He said he'll be back to galloping to work after a week or so.
Benjy said that this isn't that big of a deal for him to be running to work. He said that he won't' run anymore if he's told not to anymore. Gary told him he's not allowed to then. Ronnie told him that he has hit people before and hit Toni Coburn one time. Benjy said that's not true but Ronnie insisted it was.
Benjy said that he has to run into work because he has threats of being fired if he shows up late. Gary said that this behavior is all very passive aggressive. He said that it shouldn't be their problem if he can't get ready early enough to be there on time. Benjy said that it seems that everyone will hate him no matter what he does there, that's the joke about him.
Benjy said that their shtick with him is to make it seem like they all hate him. He said that he does write some great jokes for Howard every day and they never really acknowledge that.
Richard asked if the Howard TV guys have tape of Benjy running into work every morning. Ronnie said they had some at K-Rock. He said that Benjy would rush in there and he'd almost knock down the wooden door that they had there.
Benjy said that he loves Artie but Artie assaulted Sal on the show and it all blew over. He said that he was out on the street goofing around with Doug and they won't let it go. Gary said that he didn't get any hate for the behavior today. They were just scolding him. Benjy said that Howard was being an ass to him and he didn't think it was all that nice.
Richard said that Benjy should have a camera with him all the time for those moments when he does want to do that crazy stuff out on the street. He thought that some of that stuff was crazy but funny.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's got to take Benjy's side in this because Howard just goes on and on with this stuff. He said that he's not sure how Gary can take it from Howard and then go off on Benjy like this.
Gary said that he's asking Benjy not to do something and he has to keep going on and on because Benjy doesn't seem to get why it's wrong. Benjy said that he knows that these are the rules and he has to do what he's asking. He said that he's not going around punching people in the halls, he's just hustling through them.
Benjy said that he doesn't think there's a problem running in the halls there. Gary said that it's wrong and he doesn't like hearing Benjy saying that it's okay to do that. He said it's wrong behavior and he just doesn't get it. He said it makes him sound like an asshole when he says that it's okay.
Jon played a clip of Artie talking about what Benjy does out on the street every morning. He asked Benjy if he's going to change things now. Benjy said he won't run in the manner that Gary thinks is wrong. Gary said that he's done discussing this because it's like talking to a wall. He asked Jon to move on to the next subject.
Ronnie said that Lonnie did go around to check out other clubs out there and he found that this one is the one that best fit him. He said that they have some great food over there at the club. They're located on 33rd between 5th and Broadway.
Gary said that Lonnie has been great on the show over the years. He's always gotten them some great girls to do bits with and stuff like that. He said that he'll always be a part of the show.
Jon went to the phones and took a call from Syrus who said that he was kind of offended by some of the stuff they were saying on the show about Obama. He said he thinks that Obama may be the antichrist.
Jon took another call from a guy who blamed Gary for Benjy's behavior. He said that he has to put his foot down and put a stop to it or else Benjy is going to keep doing it. He said that they should give Benjy 3 days off for showing up late. Benjy said he wasn't late but Gary said that he actually was.
Gary said that it's all nit picking and the light was on when Benjy walked into the studio. He said that if he's there when the light is on and Howard is on the air, he's late. He said that Artie isn't late every other day and Robin isn't late every other day. Benjy is. He said that it's not that big of a deal when Artie shows up late once in a while.
Benjy said that Artie has been late a bunch of times and he's not treated like he is. Gary said that he's bored with this conversation and he doesn't want to go round and round with this again. Gary asked Benjy what he would do if he was running this business and this guy showed up late again. Benjy thought and said that he'd have to give a warning or something. Gary asked how many warnings he should get. Benjy said he doesn't know, it's up to Gary. Gary said that he had answers for everything else but not this. Benjy kept saying that he wasn't late and it wasn't about that.
Gary told Benjy that he was late today and that is a problem. He said that might not be why it was brought up on the air but that is part of the problem.
Greg said that they should make Benjy pay some organization some money when he shows up late. Gary said that he knows that Benjy is upset with him and he really shouldn't be. Benjy went around and around in circles again so Jon cut them off and went to commercial break.
Gary said that with anyone else he'd have to ask to bring them back out to the green room to wait but Greg is such a part of the family that he had him sit back by Artie. Greg said it worked fine that way because he was able to think about some stuff to throw in during the interview.
Greg said he wasn't kidding when he said that he threw out his jokes about Tito and Jenna at the AVN Awards. He didn't want Tito coming after him after the show. He said the guy could kill him with one hand. Benjy asked him if he had any jokes that were really good. Greg threw a couple of them out there and he was thinking about using them there on the show.
Gary said that he saw that Jeff the Drunk was on the phone earlier and he wanted him to call back. Jon said he didn't see him there, he would have picked up if he did.
Jon asked Gary how he thought Jenna looked today. Gary said that she looked emaciated today but that wasn't a bad thing. Sal said he didn't give a shit about her. Jason said she looked like a hot middle aged woman. Benjy said that she looked like she aged about 10 years from the last time they saw her, about 10 years ago. Greg said he thinks that she looks much more attractive with a dick in her.
A caller told Jon that he wanted to tell Jeff the Drunk to go fuck himself. He was also saying that he thinks that Tito was kind of arrogant about the stuff he was saying on the show about being able to beat anyone in a fight. Greg said that you have to act like that to sell tickets so he has to do that.
Gary said he was told that Jeff and his mom used to watch that show together every year and he was upset about it since his mother died around Christmas time. Jeff said that he doesn't get why people were treating him like a motherfucker today. Gary said that's because he doesn't show any gratitude or ambition. Jeff said that he does and he groaned in a funny way as he hung up the phone. Gary told the drunk to call back when he realized that he was gone.
Jon went to the phones again and let some more people talk about the Tito Ortiz thing. One guy said that he thinks that Tito couldn't possibly beat Bruce Lee if he was still around. Sal said that this is a stupid argument because the guy is dead and it's a scenario that would never come to fruition. He said that there's no point to those arguments.
Jon took a call about Benjy and his running around. The caller was saying that he really needs to stop with that but they should all have the same rules there. Gary said that any job you work at has different rules for everyone. Jason said that Artie actually fell asleep today and didn't catch any crap for that. Anyone else might catch shit for doing something like that. Jon wrapped up after that and had everyone get in their plugs before they ended it.
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Howard started off the show by taking a phone call from a guy who asked what's wrong with Eric the Midget and why he thinks he can talk to everyone the way he does. Howard said he was just watching Eric on his web cam Idol show. He loves Eric the Midget because this is a guy who isn't even supposed to be alive, he's beaten the odds and lived this long. He loves to mix it up with the Idol show and calling into this show and going to wrestling matches and stuff.
Howard said that Gary could learn from Eric the next time he's bored in Las Vegas. He said that Eric has fingers that are all stuck together yet he's made up this girlfriend thing and he seems to love what he's doing. He said Eric sits there on a camera and kicks people out of a chat room and he manages to stay busy in his life keeping busy. He has this wonderful universe that he's created for himself.
Howard said that poor Eric has to jerk off in his bed but he keeps on going. He said he admires his ability to get past adversity.
The caller said that the girlfriend thing is fine and he can keep doing that. Howard asked the guy if he would give up on life if he was in that position. The guy said that he would probably be nicer than Eric. Artie said that while he looks down on Eric, he really can look up at him too.
The caller asked if he had clips to play from last night's show. Howard said he did and this may be Eric's best show yet. He played some clips of the show where Eric was talking about a girl on American Idol where he didn't like the looks of one of the contestants. He described her doing her vocal warm up and made fun of her. Howard said that this was horrible and it just goes on and on. Robin said it gets worse and worse every week because they could actually hear him the first week they did this.
Eric also talks about putting lotion on his face after Howard complained about the blotches on his face. He was asking his co-host Gina if she could see a difference. She said yes to him but that was about it. She asked him if he had any acting roles coming up. Eric said he's got nothing so far.
Howard picked up on Eric and told him that last night's show was the best. Eric thanked him for that. They went right into his blotchy face after that. Eric told Howard to shut the fuck up when he didn't let him speak. Howard said that he didn't know if he was there.
Eric said that he washes his face every day and tries to keep it clean. Howard told him that he's probably using too much soap on his face and maybe he's making it dry from using too much soap. Howard said it looks like there's more pimples on his face today than ever. Eric said that there are only 3 zits there today. Howard said that maybe it's just the redness and told him to stop using the soap. He said that he just needs to wash it with water. Eric said that his face is too oily and he has to wash it with soap. Robin said he needs some oil of olay or something.
Howard asked Eric about his fingers and wanted to see what they look like. Eric showed them on the camera and said they're not fused together like Artie said they were. Howard said they look backwards or something. Eric claims they're not backward and showed them what he's had worked on. Howard asked if he has knuckles. Eric said that they got messed up because of his condition.
Howard said that this video camera is heartbreaking to him and Eric really is someone to be inspired by. He said that he's got so much passion for what he does. The guys talked about how he's stalked people like Diana Degarmo because he doesn't believe that he can't get a woman he's into. Eric said that he didn't stalk her and she didn't think that was the case.
Howard said that he wasn't saying that he was literally a stalker. Artie said that he's the same way with chicks, the cops wouldn't find him romantic at all either. Artie told him that when a guy like him sends a girl 1,000 roses, it's kind of creepy and the girl is probably going to call the cops.
Artie was also saying that Eric is like a friend that they can bust balls with and he's not that bad of a guy. He said that Teddy was asking him if he really had to wear a uniform like he was saying the other day. Artie said he had to tell him that he was just busting his balls like they do with everyone else.
Benjy said that it was pretty intense coming out against him but Howard said that he goofs on everyone on the show and Benjy isn't taking it all that bad. Gary is the one who takes the most abuse and he's able to let it go. Benjy isn't able to let it go. Howard said that he's pretty sure that no one has explained things to Benjy in his life and he's trying to teach him some stuff. Howard said that he has to give this wisdom to Benjy in a tough way so he'll listen to him.
Howard said that he had Riley Martin on the phone and he's got some advice for Eric. He asked Riley what he can advise him on doing. Riley said that his schedule has changed and now he catches the show in the morning and he's pretty sure this is God's way of punishing him. He went on to say that he should just use warm water on his face, no soap. He also told him to get hydrocortizone cream and use that on his face. He said that he should use it liberally on there and put it behind his ears if he's tender back there. He said that it should clear up in 24 hours or so.
Howard said that's kind of rough to use on his face. Riley said that it's made of a number of natural things that have worked for him for years and it won't harm him. Riley said that his skin is kind of tender on his face and it works for him. Howard said that he agrees with the warm water thing. Riley said that he wouldn't suggest anything that didn't work on him.
Howard said that maybe Riley is hallucinating from the use of all of that on his face and that's why he's seeing aliens. Riley told him to just give it a try and see if it works.
Howard got back to Benjy and Gary and said that Dan the Song Parody Man sent Gary an e-mail demanding an apology from him for saying that he wasn't good dinner company. Howard read that note and Dan is upset about him saying that on the air. Gary got pissed at Dan for sending him a letter like that. Gary went on to say that he likes the songs that he sends in but his stories at dinner were boring and that's what he was talking about. Gary said that Dan told him to go fuck himself if he's not going to apologize. He said that he won't apologize for saying he was telling boring stories but he thinks that Dan is a great asset to the show.
Howard said that Gary takes a lot of shit about this stuff and that's what he was talking about with Benjy today. He said that no one else there in that company has to run into the building the way Benjy does. He said that people in the building are getting agita over this and he fails to see the reason that they're going off on him about that.
Benjy said that it's not about the running, it's about something else. He wanted to explain it to Howard but he wasn't able to get it out. Gary said that Benjy thinks that they're doing this as a personal attack on him because they hate him, but that's not the case. Gary said that he was trying to explain everything to Benjy but Benjy still thinks that he hates him when he really doesn't. Artie told Gary that he has to be hard on Benjy to make him stop running into the building the way he does.
Howard asked Benjy how it went this morning. Benjy said that he got there earlier this morning than usual. He stayed up all night and didn't sleep so he was able to get there nice and early. He said he lost his ID again 3 times and he's not sure why that is. He said he's been in a panic over it. Howard said that's probably because he doesn't want to grow up so he can be a responsible adult. He said he should walk into work organized and finally get over that mommy and daddy thing.
Howard asked Benjy why he prevents himself from being a competent grown man. Benjy said that running to work isn't being a child. Howard asked him how it felt being on time. Benjy said that it felt fine. Benjy said that he thinks he left home at 5:45 or so and he was able to get there on time. Gary said that still sounds kind of tight trying to make it there in 15 minutes. He said that he thinks that Benjy is going to eventually slack off and he will start coming in late again.
Howard said that Howard TV had some video of Benjy walking into work this morning without running. Howard said he looked like a grown up walking in instead of stampeding in. Howard said he looks like a grown up now.
Fred tried asking Benjy about what he did yesterday with security but Benjy didn't get the question and asked him to give him an exact question and he'd answer it. Howard said he didn't want to talk about this anymore and he was going to let Eric the Actor go.
Eric told Howard that they like Benjy because he came in and visited them at the JFSC and sang some songs. Howard thanked him for that but Eric kept talking so he said he just can't hang up on this guy. Eric said that they're going to be watching the Scott Baio show on VH-1 and doing a show about him too. Howard thanked him and hung up on him a short time later.
Howard had some audio of Benjy and Gary going off on each other on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Benjy asked him why he feels the need to berate people like this. Howard told Benjy that he should cherish every moment of this because he's giving him some air time. Benjy was comparing himself to Imus and Howard's battle so Howard said that Imus wasn't able to break him and he knows that Benjy is just playing some kind of game with this stuff.
Gary said he liked Benjy better when he was sweaty, blotchy and calm. Benjy still thought that Howard was giving him a hard time for no reason but Howard said that he's trying to get this stuff through his head. He said that a grown man doesn't run through the building, a child does that. He said that's what he's trying to point out to Benjy.
Howard pointed out the sweat on Benjy's upper lip and said that he's told Benjy not to be late for years, yet he still comes in late. Benjy said that he has gotten there early before and he's jogged to work doing that. Howard said that what he's doing out on the street isn't the same as he's doing in the halls there. He said that if he wants to jog he can jog, just not in the halls of their building.
Artie said that nothing is this lenient in any line of work. He said that Howard really isn't being a ball buster. Benjy said that he knows that Howard can be great about that stuff overall. He said that he knows that Howard is having a lot of fun with this stuff and he knows it's for the air. Howard said it's very hard to talk to Benjy about anything.
Benjy went off on Robin saying that she used to be a fat bitch, now she's a skinny bitch. She was trying to get some of this stuff through to him but he didn't appreciate that.
Howard said that he did tell Jenna that her lips were blown up too big and she's got to cut back on the plastic surgery. He said that she has lived one hard life though. He said that Robert Plant from Led Zeppelin is like 63 years old and he's got more wrinkles and looks worse than his mother does. He said that his mother is 80 years old but she hasn't abused her body like Plant did. He said that you're really going to pay in the future for abusing your body.
Howard said that Jenna still has that beauty in her but she needs to gain about 10 pounds for it to come back completely. Robin said she's wondering if Jenna is still on drugs. She said that she thinks that she was lying about not being on anything because she was looking at her and wondering why people who are on drugs lie about it.
Artie said that he thinks that she could be on some kind of anti-depressants but that's not really being on drugs in today's world. He said that he got really depressed himself yesterday when he shot something for Howard TV. He said that it's depressing seeing himself on camera because he's gotten so big.
Howard read some mail about Jenna and Tito's appearance and some people hated it. There was also some feedback about Sal and Richard and how Richard seems to really enjoy the gay stunts that he and Sal do.
The caller said that he loved it when Howard said that he wanted to make a remake of Weekend at Bernie's with Heath Ledger's body. Artie said that he'll sign a document right now that says he can use his body in something like that when he dies. He's already in SAG so that's all set.
The caller asked Artie if he thinks that he's going to be doing a book tour when his book comes out. Artie said he's pretty sure that's what the book company is counting on.
Sam went on to tell a story about the first script that he had written that got used on Taxi. He said he sat in the audience to watch it and saw that the producers were all worried about something. He found out that Jeff Conaway hadn't shown up to do his scenes. They later found him all drugged out on something in his dressing room and he was in no shape to do the show.
Sam said that they shot some of the show without Jeff and this is one of the reasons that he got fired. He really had no character and they could give all of his lines to everyone else. They ended up giving the lines to Danny Devito and Christopher Lloyd. That's why he wasn't needed. He said he feels horrible for him now though.
Howard said that Jeff really is a mess these days. Robin said that Sam would rather save animals than save Jeff Conaway. Howard thanked Sam for the call and said that he was glad that he explained why Jeff left that show, he thought that Jeff had walked off or something.
Howard played some clips from Celebrity Rehab where Jeff Conaway is having a breakdown and making some odd noises while he's going to the bathroom. Dr. Drew was trying to help him out with his problems but Jeff was saying he feels like an animal and making these weird screaming noises.
The guys talked about the stuff that people go through when they're coming off of alcohol and drugs and how rough it can be.
Howard said that they have a busy show coming up today and they have Jonny Fairplay coming in to talk about the new Survivor.
A caller asked about a scene in Godfather Part II where they tell a guy who is about to die that Michael Corleone put the hit out on this guy. Artie said that they did that so the other people in the mob would know that Michel was the one who put the hit out. Howard said that this was wrecking him and he didn't know why they were doing it. He said he appreciates Artie's knowledge of that but he had no idea what scene he was talking about.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. He had a new song about her from the Bleeding Deacons and he was going to play that for her. He said that they had one about her and one about Robin as well. He played the Robin song first. That one was ''We Gotta See Robin Naked'' to the tune of Twisted Sister's ''We're Not Gonna Take It.'' Howard played that quick one and then ''Your Ass Is Beautiful To Me Lisa G.'' Lisa was smiling when she heard that so Howard figured that's her best feature and she really appreciated that.
Lisa said that she does a lot of work to keep her ass looking the way it does. Howard said he admires that because not enough women go into the gym to do that kind of thing. He said that women stop caring sometimes and he's glad that she's doing something like that. Artie said that he saw Lisa's ass yesterday and he was distracted by it when he was trying to get his cupcakes.
Lisa said that they talked to Teddy, Artie's assistant, and he's saying that he got caught up in Artie's slob look and that's why he looks the way he does. He's going to wait until he gets more money before he starts dressing nicer. Artie said he's going to see less money when he gets fired.
Lisa said that they're looking into the Rick's Cabaret strip club that Lonnie Hanover is working at now and found that their stock price tripled in 2007. Artie said that he actually bought some stock in that company himself. He's not sure how much it was going for though. Howard said that these guys in the stock market know that pussy is a big commodity. He said that men are ruled by it and that's why it sells so well. He said that pussy is more valuable than even gold and oil. Howard said he's done some really dumb things for pussy. Artie said that's the only reason he works, pussy.
Howard talked about how a guy thinks about sex all the time and your penis will get all irritated until you take care of it. He said that once you cum, it's like everything is all better. He said that a woman with a great ass on all fours can get a guy to do just about anything.
Lisa got back to her Howard 100 News preview and said they have a new Page 69 about High Pitch Mike who was watching the movie ''27 Dresses'' with Richard Christy's girlfriend. He also cried during the movie. Artie laughed pretty hard when he heard that. Howard said that is kind of odd behavior. Artie said he had another word for it but Howard stopped him from saying it. Howard said that the most insulting part is that Richard wasn't even worried about another guy going out with his girlfriend. Robin said that 27 Dresses is some stupid movie about weddings.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Bubba is going to be invited to his wedding. Howard said his name did come up but if he starts inviting people like that it's going to be way too big. He said he and Beth may just run off and get married. Artie said that he doesn't need to go and he wouldn't be offended if he doesn't invite him. Howard said that he would have to invite Artie. He said he wants to invite Bubba too but he's not sure what to do.
Richard said that Mike is lying about that because his girlfriend would never lie about something like that. Mike wanted him to get her on the phone because he didn't cry there and she would confirm that. Mike said that he really doesn't want to fight with Artie anymore and he tried to make up with him at a party they were at one night.
Artie told Mike not to extend his faggot arm to him anymore because he doesn't want any cock on his hands. Mike told Artie to get his sister in there right now and he'll show him what kind of faggot he is. He threw out a few other jokes about her fucking everyone else so why not him. Artie said that he knows he's just trying to get back at him so he wasn't taking it seriously.
Howard said that Mike seems to be very straight to him and he's never exhibited any gay tendencies. Artie said that he's gay and he's been gay forever. Mike said that he's upset with him because he points out that his movie Beer League sucked. Artie said he calls him a fag because he fucks guys, that's why he was saying that.
Artie said he didn't start in with Mike because he had nothing to say about Mike. He said that he thinks that Mike is a flaming homo and said he hopes that his boyfriend fucks him in the ass with his AIDS ridden ass. Howard asked Artie why he's so mad at him. Mike said that he should leave before he should leave before he gets a CD thrown at him. Artie told him that it's not going to be a CD, it's going to be his fist because he's a gay basher and he's going to bash him.
Robin said she didn't know what was going on there. He told her that she was a fucking skinny bitch and she needed to shut up. Fred said that Mike comes in there and he acts like he has no fear of Artie and that's why things go as far as they do.
Artie said that Lisa needs to learn not to bring up a story about Mike when he's in the studio because this is the kind of thing that's going to happen. Howard said that Artie started it but Artie said he really didn't say a thing about him, it was Mike who came in first and started in with him. Artie said that he's not going to sit there and take it when he starts in with his movie and his sister. He said that he doesn't appreciate what he was saying about his sister.
Artie said that what he's saying is based in truth and the stuff Mike is saying isn't. Howard said that he doesn't believe that Artie really thinks that Mike is gay. Artie said that he thinks that a lot of people are gay that Howard doesn't think are gay.
Robin and Howard asked Artie if he's even supposed to be throwing around that word ''fag'' because he was supposed to have some deal with a charity where he's not supposed to. Artie said he hasn't shot it yet but if they go retroactive with it, he's going to owe about 8 grand.
Howard said that he was trying to talk about his wedding and said that he'd like to have Bubba and Brent there but he's not sure if he will have either now. He's not sure how to break down the list.
Howard said he got very uncomfortable in that argument. Artie said that he got very comfortable. He said that Mike saying stuff about his sister is just wrong because a guy like that can't get hard for a chick. He said that there's no way that he could really fuck her if she came in there. Howard said that he wants Mike to sue him if he thinks that he's wrong about thinking that he's gay. He said he wants him to prove him wrong.
Howard said that he's very uncomfortable with this conversation and wanted to get out of it. He asked someone else to please call in about the Godfather. He said they were going to take a break to calm down. They spent a couple more minutes talking about the wedding thing and Howard said he really doesn't want to bring that up on the air anymore.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Mike did go a little far with his comments and he has to leave Artie alone. Artie said that he's wondering what he's supposed to say to someone like that who is going off on him about a project he worked very hard on and about his sister. Howard said that he's not supposed to stay quiet, he was just trying to put some water on a fire. He said it turned out to be an oil fire so it made things worse, but he tried.
The caller on the line was telling Howard to just have one of those destination weddings like some people do. Howard said he would never do that to anyone. He wouldn't make people spend that kind of money to come to his wedding.
Another caller brought up Artie's battle with Mike and that led to Howard saying that Artie saying that can lead to people getting upset when they hear him using the word fag. He said that they were both going a little too far with that stuff. Artie said that he got very mad with that guy and he really doesn't play well with others. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said that no one contacted him about the article they had in the NY Times. He said they just wrote it. He said that he's been behind Hillary Clinton this whole time and he still thinks that she's the right person for the job. He said that he thinks that Ron Paul is a bright guy but he's not backing him. He said that the NY Times is supposed to run a retraction but Robin thinks that it will be buried in the paper somewhere.
Artie said that the fact that the NY Time is running an article about who he's endorsing is kind of cool and his father must be impressed by that. Howard said that's true. He said he's been trying to impress his father for many years and he thinks that he didn't have a lot to impress him with in the past.
Howard said that he thinks that his father thought that he was a schmo, or a schmuck, for many years and he wasn't pleased with the son he had. He doesn't know if that's the truth or not but that's a sneaking suspicion he had. He went on to talk about working at WRNW when he was first starting out and a photographer from the NY Times came out to take some pictures of the staff there. He said that he wasn't even that good at the time but for some strange reason, they picked him to be the face of WRNW radio. They had a picture that was half the size of the page and he was the face that was on there. He was only making $96 a week back then too.
Howard said that his father was impressed when he saw him in the NY Times. He said that the bible is less important to his father than the NY Times is. He said he worships that paper and that's his world. He reads the paper from front to back every day. He said that used to mean everything to him when he knew his father would see him in the paper. He's stopped caring lately though.
Howard had the guys bring in Tim and his wife who will be getting naked if Tim loses. Howard asked what his wife's name was and he said it was Yaritza. Howard asked if she was a mail order bride with that name. She said that she's actually Puerto Rican. Howard said that he knew a guy who was with a Puerto Rican girl and she put her tongue on his ass and it made the hair stand up on his arm. Howard asked Yaritza if she does things like that in her life. She said that she will do that sometimes. Tim said he loves it but not that much that he'd take anything else back there.
Howard asked how Yaritza goes about doing this. She explained it a little bit before Howard moved on. He said that it's very nice to have a woman like that. He said that he's never had a woman who would do that. Tim said that he carries around wipes with him so he can clean himself up back there. He said that he's used his tongue on her ass as well. She said she likes it as well.
Tim told Howard about his semi-pro wrestling career and how he was able to make it down where he was playing. He said that he loves the show and he can relate to what the guys on the show. He said that he can really relate to Artie because of some of the stuff he does.
Howard asked Yaritza what she needs the money for. She said that she was in a car accident not too long ago and she lost her car in the accident. She didn't get hurt herself but the car was damaged. They're still driving that car though. It was a hit and run and they got fucked by the trooper who took care of the case. He said that the driver called the cops and the trooper wrote up the report based on what the driver said instead of what his wife said. Howard didn't want to get into all of the details so he put a stop to all of that.
Howard told Yaritza that she was going to get behind a curtain and if her husband loses, she's going to have the curtain drop and she'll be naked for everyone.
Fred went into Robin's studio before they got ready to play. Fred was in there with music playing so he couldn't hear the questions. Howard was going to play the game but Fred signaled that he could still hear them. Gary said Robin has a speaker in there that plays the show that he didn't know about.
Howard said that Yaritza was completely naked behind the curtain. She said that she didn't really want to get naked but she would if she had to. He asked her if she's ever done anything like this before. She hasn't but she did talk about having some lesbian experiences before in her life. She said she was never naked in front of a group of men like that. Yaritza also said that she used to live next door to Carmen Luvana who has been on the show before. She said she was just friends with her though.
Howard explained the game to Tim and said that they'd have 7 questions and he had 60 seconds to answer as many as he could. Tim said that he was always into current events and stuff and he thinks that he can do okay in this game. He said that he's played along with the game before but he's never beaten Fred before. The prize money is being provided by Howard TV and they're doing a Penny Preview from now until next Monday.
Here are the questions that Howard asked and the correct answers:
The guys all said that she should be proud. She said she felt good in being naked in front of them. Howard asked if they had anything they could give as a consolation prize. Gary came in and gave Howard a note that said they could give her $500 courtesy of Proflowers.com. Artie gave them two free tickets to his show at the Borgata on the 16th as well. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said that he was handed a copy of something called Street Talk which is a radio paper. He said that they reported on how a station there in New York City had just switched to a rock format and they don't even make a big deal out of it. He said he heard a rumor that K-Rock was going Country but it doesn't seem like a dumb move because Country has become much more mainstream these days.
Howard said he's shocked that a station would switch to rock because the rock stations don't do that well in New York City. He said that he hadn't heard a word about it until he saw this article. He read some of the article where they talk about all of the people losing their jobs and stuff like that. Howard said he's really glad he's not in terrestrial radio anymore. Howard said that stories like this used to be a big deal, no one cares about it anymore.
Howard said that Gary Garver was there this morning and he said that it's not really a mercy booking. He said that he's promised not to bother them for another year if they let him come on. He said that Gary did say to Baba Booey that he needed help with his web site so that's why they're letting him come in. Howard said that this is the last time they'll see Gary for a year and he'll miss him.
Howard said that Gary Garver has done some great work doing interviews out in Los Angeles. He said that he had some of his most fun moments to play this morning. The first clip he played was Gary interviewing a guy who was dressed up as a Gamorrean guard from Star Wars. They've played that interview on the show many times since Garver did that interview.
Howard and the guys goofed on that guy a little bit and then went into the Darth Nihilus interview that Garver did. Garver said that the Darth Nihilus interview was the first one that he did at that convention he went to. Garver and Darth got into a little bit of a verbal battle during the interview. That led to Howard playing a prank call that Sal made to a hospital asking them to help his brother shake this Darth Nihilus thing. She talks to the audio clips that Sal was playing for a couple of minutes before hanging up on him.
Howard said that Gary has done millions of great interviews. He said he could play more but Artie said that he had heard enough. Gary asked him what was wrong with him. Artie said he was just busting chops. He mentioned that Gary was outside this morning and he asked him if he wanted to come up with him but he was out there with some nutty guy. Gary said that's his friend Blue.
Howard said that Gary is involved with this new web site that he's there promoting today. Garver said that it's called Exscape.tv. Howard said he heard that some of the shows are based on people from the show. Gary said that they do have Blue Iris and Charlie Super Fly (Miss Black Howard Stern) doing some stuff there. They're launching the show as of today. Gary said that he's not trying to rip off the show and Howard said it didn't sound like he was doing that at all. He said that in a sarcastic way though.
Howard said that Gary had some of his friends there today so he had the guys bring some of them in. One of the girls used to wake up at 3 in the morning so she could masturbate to Artie's voice. Gary introduced a guy by the name of Blue who had a bit of a High Pitched voice. Howard asked him what's going on with him. Blue said there is something going on there and he's a dwarf. He has hearing and vision problems.
Howard said that this chick who was in there was hot. She said that Gary was exaggerating a bit about what he said about her masturbating to Artie. She said that was a few years ago when she was married. Howard asked her how many pounds ago was she in love with Artie. He meant Artie's weight, not hers. She said that she doesn't hear the show anymore because they're on SIRIUS and she doesn't have a radio.
Howard asked the girl, Casey, if she wanted to go to dinner with Artie. Artie said that he was going to cost him another thousand roses if he does this. Howard said he was just trying to turn Artie on to some new girls. Artie asked her if she's single. She said she is. Artie asked her if he wasn't involved with someone, would it be possible to go out with him. She said that it's not that far in the past.
Howard asked Gary if he had banged this girl. He said that she works for him so he can't do that. She said that she works on a sports lingerie show on the Exscape.tv web site.
Howard spent a minute talking to Blue about his looks and how tough it must be for him. Blue told Howard about how he was out in Vegas for the AVN awards and the whores out there were charging more for him than they would for other people. He said that he ended up getting a hand job from one chick and it cost him $300.
Blue said that he works for Exscape.tv and he can't make a lot of money there. Howard said that his personality is a little too normal to be part of the Wack Pack and that's a shame. He said it must be tough to be trapped in that little body. Blue said it is pretty tough to get over some things.
Howard asked Blue about what it was like in high school with the kids making fun of him. He said that no one was really nice to him and he kept to himself. Howard asked where the name Blue came from. Blue said that he was at a night club one night and they were doing a K-Y Jelly wrestling thing and they gave him a fake name to sue and pulled it from the movie ''Old School.'' Artie said that Blue was the old guy in the movie though.
Blue said he's got a brother who is 6'2'' tall but he's not that upset about that. He said that he's got a full head of hair too and Blue didn't according to Howard.
Artie talked about this show that Eric the Midget watches, ''Little People, Big World,'' where they have a dwarf family and they have a kid who is a dwarf and he must go through a lot of shit in his life. Blue talked about how he finally got laid at the age of 26 but he had to pay for it. He's never had a girlfriend. Gary said that Blue has game and he does talk to women. He just can't get laid apparently.
Howard asked Casey if she'd do this guy. She didn't like being put on the spot like that. She didn't answer so Howard asked her what she does for a living and found out she does some modeling. They asked her to take her top off so went right ahead and did that. Artie wanted ProFlowers phone number because he was afraid he was going to upset Dana again.
Howard said that this was some crew that Gary had here. He got in a few more plugs for the web site and made sure to spell it each time. He ended up telling Blue to shut up when he was talking just so he could get in his plugs.
Howard asked Blue a few more questions and found out that he's never had sex that he didn't pay for. Garver said that no guy has ever had sex that they didn't pay for. Artie told Casey that she can come in any time even if Gary can't come in for the next year.
Howard told Gary that the name of the web site is hard to remember and he should have picked something easier to remember. He said that something like DonkeyTV or MuleTV or something like that. Gary said that it's too late at this point.
Howard asked Casey if she's naked on that web site. She said that she's in lingerie but occasionally pops out. Garver said that they don't have any R-rated stuff on the site. Howard asked her if she has any celebrities that hit on her, other than Gary Garver. Garver said he liked that he called him a celebrity.
Howard asked Casey who she's backing for president. She said that it would be Barack and she thinks that he can bring some good change to the country. Howard gave Gary another plug for his web site and told him that there is no such word in the English language and it's very hard to say too. Artie said that he's picked a word that's hard to spell and hard to say.
Howard said it was nice to meet Blue and Casey and he would switch to Barack Obama for her if he was dating her. Robin asked Gary how his sex life is going. He said that he's been hanging out for a few weeks with a girl, Priscilla Russo, who is into bondage and he's having some fun with her. He said he met her at a porn convention. He said she's not his girlfriend though, they're just hanging out.
Howard gave Gary some more plugs but spelled the site wrong. Gary asked him to please spell it right. He spelled it for him. Howard asked Casey to show them her ass before she left. She said it's not that good and didn't want to show it. Howard gave up and let Gary go a short time later.
Howard said something about Stuttering John's mug raising on the Tonight Show. Gary said that he heard that John was toying with several different ways to act when he's on the Tonight Show and he settled on lifting his coffee mug instead of giving Jay Leno a two finger salute. Howard wondered if he says anything. JD said that he used to do that salute thing for a couple of years and then switched over to the mug lifting.
Howard asked which thing Gary liked the best. Gary said he loves the salute thing because he knows it took him a couple of years to come up with that. Gary said that Will just told him that John had a couple of ideas that he practiced in the mirror. He was laughing as he told Howard that story.
Gary said he doesn't know what else John was working on. Will was telling him that it was different salutes and thumbs up and things like that. Artie said that the only things that made it on the air were the salute and the mug. He thinks that he had a four finger salute and some other stuff that he never saw.
Gary said he's not sure what else John has going there and maybe he'll change it up every couple of years to change it up. Howard said he didn't know it was a set thing that John did every night. Gary said Doug told him that he used to nod his head and give a smile. Howard said that if it was him, he'd put a bag over his head. Robin suggested a plastic bag over his head with a rope.
Robin asked if they have time to get a light on and get John on the camera every night. The guys spent a short time discussing what John wears ever night before Howard moved on to Jonny Fairplay.
All Jonny would say is that the courts are handling it. He said that he met Danny a couple of years ago and Danny thought it was funny back then, this time Danny tossed him off and he didn't expect that. He said that he'd rather talk about Survivor than this stuff. Howard said he thought that he was an open book. Jonny just kept saying that the courts were handling it.
Jonny said that he's just asking for justice in this case. He said that he had to have 15 hours of surgery, 4 root canals and a lot of other stuff. He has to wear braces now as well. He said that Danny had said something in a pre-show about how he was going to kick Jonny Fairplay's ass before the show aired and that sounds like intent to him. He said he didn't hear that before the show though.
Artie said that he was always with Fred on this thing and he thinks that Danny didn't need to throw the guy off the way he did. That led to Fred talking about how Danny could have just let Jonny fall off of him instead of throwing him over his head. Howard disagreed and said that Jonny didn't need to jump on Danny and Danny had the right to toss him over his head if that's how he wanted to get him off of him.
Jonny said that he's suing the producers of the show and even the club that held the show that night. He said he likes that Fred is on his side. He said that he has witnesses who saw Danny carrying him around one time and he thinks that he enjoyed it that one time.
Howard asked Jonny if he has to pay his lawyer. He said that he has to pay but they're also doing a contingency thing with him. He said that there's no way that he's going to back off on this case either. He said he had to go and do Survivor the week after that incident. He said that he hasn't spoken to Danny since then either. He said that was one of the most horrific moments in his life.
Jonny said that his teeth actually broke his fall that night. He's lucky he didn't break his neck. He's got braces on his teeth and he has to keep them on for another 4 months. He said he's far from done with the surgeries too. He said he still has to get crowns and stuff like that.
Howard said that he would talk to Jonny about this new Survivor thing. Jonny asked for a bottle of water because he was getting kind of dry. Howard said it did sound like he had dry mouth.
Howard said that he heard that Jeff Probst said that it would be a bad idea to have Jonny on the new season of Survivor. Jonny said he was apparently wrong and the people at CBS knew better. He said that Jeff was probably upset with him getting drunk at a Survivor party one time. He said that he used to have a lot of fun when he had that fame hit him after that season of Survivor and he used to drink to excess. He mouthed off to Jeff's brother at the party and Jeff wasn't happy about that. They've spoken and he's apologized for that though.
Howard asked Jonny how this season of Survivor was. Jonny said that it was pretty horrible and it rained just about every day. He said he did the show 38 of 39 days the first time and he wanted to do it again so that's why he did this new season.
Jonny said that he still goes out and does appearances. He said that his management company ReelManagement.com, will book him to do that stuff for $2,500-$5,000. He said he'll eat bugs and things like that at these events.
Howard gave Jonny a plug for Survivor that airs tonight on CBS. Jonny said that there are some hot chicks there and he got a hard on for the first time out there because of the hot chicks. He said that he jumped up and told everyone that he had one too.
Jonny said that he's engaged and he's having a kid with this woman from America's Top Model. They actually had a 3 way with another chick when she was 8 months pregnant. He said that she's bi and she's pretty aggressive with other women. Howard said that she's really hot and Artie said that he couldn't believe that he was banging her.
Howard took a call from a Dominic Barbara who asked Jonny if he knew that Danny Bonaduce had a temper before he jumped on him. Jonny said that he didn't know that he had a temper with him. Dominic said that he's known to have a temper and that's how Danny reacted to the jump. Jonny said that they had been very civil before that night so he didn't know that he was going to react like he did.
Howard said that John Gotti was also cool to most people most of the time but he'd never hang out with him knowing how he's treated some people. They spent a few minutes going back and forth about that stuff. Dominic said that Jonny got what he deserved.
Jonny said that Danny knows his shtick too and he should know that he does the jumping hug thing with everyone. Artie was on Jonny's side in this whole thing but Dominic seemed to be on Danny's side saying that Jonny was the aggressor and he has to take responsibility for what might happen when he's aggressive toward someone. Howard said that Dominic is one of the best lawyers out there and Danny is going to get someone like him to represent him. Jonny said that he will have a good lawyer as well. Dominic said that he'd be able to defend Jonny's actions too and demonstrated how he'd do that. He talked it up in a way that made Jonny sound innocent.
Mutt called in and said that this is Jonny's move to humiliate other people in wrestling. Jonny said he doesn't do it to humiliate people, he does it for fun. Mutt said that he thinks he does it to humiliate them. Jonny said that he does it in fun.
Artie asked Jonny if Danny had told him not to do it to him again the first time he did it, would he have done it again. He said that he really wouldn't have. He said that Danny loved it the first time he did it and he carried him around for 10 minutes that day.
Howard said that Johnny is getting into the music business and has a new song out called ''Boredom.'' He played the song a short time after Artie let out a burst of laughter hearing that Jonny was singing now. Howard told Jonny that he was bored and cut the song off. Artie told him he should put the word ''unbelievable'' before the Boredom name.
Jonny told Howard that he has an act that he does and this is just a pet project that he's having fun with. Artie said that if he was playing that song and Danny hit him, he'd have to be on Danny's side.
Howard asked Jonny about this celebrity bull riding thing he's doing. He said he's actually won against people like Stephen Baldwin and other people like that. Howard asked him where he grew up. He said it was in Danville, Virginia. He went to Virginia Tech for college. He also worked as Rowdy Roddy Piper's assistant for a while so that's how he got into the wrestling thing.
Howard gave Jonny some plugs and Jonny got in a plug for his myspace page Myspace.com/dqfairplay. Howard also plugged Survivor: Micronesia that's on tonight. He said he'll be watching it himself even though he skipped last season. He said he's kind of interested to see what's going on with this season. He went to break a short time later.
Howard got Mike Walker on the line so he could play the Gossip Game. He brought up Ash Wednesday and said that there's something odd going on with the ashes because the marks on people's heads look like magic marker or something. Mike said that they are much darker these days than they used to be. Artie said that there were people walking around Hoboken yesterday who looked like they were in a minstrel show.
Mike told Howard that Sarah Silverman really likes the game and called him to tell him about that. As Mike was explaining that Artie asked him to get to the four stories. He didn't want to hear him talking about things like that. Mike said that he liked Artie's comments last week about saying anti-gay stuff. He said that Artie seems to do nothing but call people gay. They spent a minute on that and then got to the game.
Here's the game... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He said they'll talk about High Pitch Mike and what went on with him and Artie. They'll also talk about Benjy's problems with getting picked on, Win Fred's Money, Gary Garver's mercy booking, Jonny Fairplay and more.
The guys ended up talking about politics and had Scott DePace in talking about why he's backing Mitt Romney. He said that he'd not supporting him because of what Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter are talking about. He said he was a Giuliani supporter but changed to Mitt. That led to Fred going off on Scott telling him to get his own opinions. Scott said that everyone there is getting their opinions from Howard. Fred said that's not true.
Scott tried to explain why he's backing Mitt Romney but everyone was arguing with him. Howard said that he heard that Mitt had tied his family dog to the roof of his car on a 12 hour ride somewhere. They're supposed to be looking into that more. Artie said that he's going to vote for Barack Obama because the White House basketball team has sucked lately.
Fred and Scott were going back and forth about Mitt Romney. Fred said that if he gets in the country will be in worse shape than it is now after Bush bankrupted it. Howard ended it and tried to move on and told Artie that neither one of them called the other a fag. Artie said that's because neither of them are fags.
Howard went to Mutt from Superfan Roundtable next. Mutt said that they'll be talking about Artie being much happier on the show lately and how the fans are feeling about that. They're also going to talk about what he's done lately that's made them laugh. They'll also talk about Benjy and how much he's been on the show. He said they're also going to stop by Rick's Cabaret to see how the club is.
Robin got into her news and said that Catherine McPhee is married already. She said that Howard had been engaged longer than even McPhee had been. That led to the guys talking about how Howard had been engaged for almost a year and the XM/SIRIUS merger was also coming up on a year in a week or so.
Robin thinks that Howard is holding off on his marriage and he's just delaying the inevitable. Howard said that they are planning it and they have a date and everything. He said that they are going to get married. Artie said he hopes that the marriage and the merger happen and that Sal is involved in neither.
Robin read a story about Rosie O'Donnell claiming that she drinks too much. That got Artie laughing saying that she's into beer, just like a dude. They had some fun goofing around talking about that doing impressions of Rosie as if she were a man.
Robin had a story about Roger Clemens and steroid use. She spent a minute on that and then King of All Blacks called in and asked Howard if he's going to stay in his marriage if he ever gets to the point when he's not happy. Howard said he's learned that he can't do that and he would get out if he wasn't happy, although he's always unhappy. He said that he's unhappy all the time but not quite as unhappy when he's with Beth.
Robin asked Howard about how he kind of admires people who can get married multiple times and think nothing of it. He said he'd like to be like that but he can't not care like some people do.
King asked Howard if Beth gets pregnant, how would he voice it to the audience. Howard said that he would tell the audience that his wife was pregnant. He said he wouldn't say that his condom broke if that's what happened. He said he doesn't want a kid. He said that Beth did ask him to take his rubber off last week but he didn't do it. King said that he's making her unhappy keeping it on. Howard said that's right and if she's not happy being with him, she should leave. King said that he's not treating her right by not taking that condom off. Howard said that he's not going to have another kid. King told him that he's ruthless. Howard said that he's got 3 kids and that's enough for him.
King said that he likes that Howard sticks to his guns. Howard said that he's 54 years old and that's not young. He said that he would slit his throat if he had to chase these little kids around at his age. He said he can last about 30 seconds around babies. Robin said that it's not his kid though, that's what he's not taking into consideration. Howard said that he does like other babies, like his niece's kid. Howard let King go a short time later. King thought he was running away from this stuff but he can't run forever.
Howard let Jeff go but he had some audio from yesterday's Wrap Up Show where Jeff called in and ended up hanging up on them. Jeff was asking who the fuck told Gary that he cries whenever Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is on TV. Here's my write up of that from yesterday: Jon took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said that he wants to know who told him that he cries whenever he watches Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Gary said that he didn't make that up but he can't say who told him that. Jeff said that's bullshit and he made it up. Gary said he heard it from two people and they both confirmed it. Gary said he was sorry for bringing it up on the air.
Gary said he was told that Jeff and his mom used to watch that show together every year and he was upset about it since his mother died around Christmas time. Jeff said that he doesn't get why people were treating him like a motherfucker today. Gary said that's because he doesn't show any gratitude or ambition. Jeff said that he does and he groaned in a funny way as he hung up the phone. Gary told the drunk to call back when he realized that he was gone.
After playing the clip they had pulled the clip of Jeff's grunting sound and played it over and over again. Then Fred played some of the old lady porn clips that they had Artie laughing at the other day and made it sound like the two of them are having sex. Artie said that the reason he's happy is from that old lady porn clip that Fred plays.
that stuff led to the guys talking about Heath Ledger's death. Artie was talking about some of the drugs that they found in that guy and how tough they can be to kick.
Howard played more from Entertainment Tonight where they promoted what they had coming up tonight. They were all about Larry Birkhead and Dannilynn. Howard said that's some show right there. He had to go to break a short time later, around 10:20am.
Howard let Daniel go and said that he needs to talk to Will about how nutty he's been lately. He hasn't been flushing the toilet after he pees. Will said that he's not the only one who does it and he was just doing it to conserve water. He said that his pee doesn't smell and he doesn't need to flush it every time after he goes. He said it's different for a girl.
Will said that you don't have to flush after you pee if you're a guy. He said it's a waste. Howard and Artie both said that it's a big deal to do that. Howard said that it's fine if he wants to do that at home, not at work. Artie asked if anyone else wanted to fess up to not flushing. Howard said that they had to do some investigating to find out that it was Will who wasn't flushing.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that Will has become an asshole lately. He said that's not Will, he doesn't usually do this kind of stuff. He said that Will used to be a nice guy and he's just not one anymore. Will said that this isn't an angry move to not flush the toilet.
Artie said that Will is giving up a lot of pussy to get married. Will said that Howard is too. He said he knows that he's giving up a lot of pussy and he didn't use the show to it's full advantage to get laid. He didn't want to stay on that subject too long.
Howard said that Delta Burke is kind of nutty lately. He had a clip of her talking to someone from TMZ. She said that she was an Obsessive Compulsive and she was hording stuff in her home that was just stacks and stacks of stuff. She said that she's been a Howarder for years and she's never told anyone that before.
Howard said he knew this chick was a basket case when she was on a hit TV show and let herself get fat. That led to the guys talking about the poor guy who is married to her, Gerald McRaney, and how he must love this stuff. They talked about that for a short time before they got back to the news.
Robin got back into her news and had some clips of someone talking about what they found in Heath Ledger's blood. they found at least 6 different drugs in his system. She also had a story about Amy Winehouse and how she was interrogated earlier this week after being seen smoking some kind of pipe on camera.
Robin read a story about the song that's being sent into space for someone to find some day out there in space. She said that some people are worried that if aliens hear the song and don't like it, it may upset them. Howard said that's true because music is a very polarizing thing.
Robin read a story about Oprah Winfrey and the money she made last year. She made over $200 million. Howard said that he's glad that she got heavier again because they call all enjoy that at least.
Robin read through some more stories and had one about a guy who fell off a roof and got impaled on a fence. He was chasing his cat on the roof of his trailer when he fell. Artie joked that he must have been gay if he was chasing a cat. Howard said that the guy wasn't gay, he didn't know that. Robin said he wasn't gay, he had a wife who called 911.
Robin read a story about Hillary Clinton having problems with her campaign because she's spending so much campaigning. Howard said that she might be in trouble but he still thinks that she'll be the Democratic nominee.
Double A called in and told Howard he wanted to thank him for another great week of radio. He told Howard what he liked and some of the stuff that Fred has been playing. He also said that it was funny that Gary the Retard was too busy to do the show this month and Baba Booey was bored out in Las Vegas.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about Britney Spears getting involved in a car chase with a bunch of photographers. She's out of her hospital stay and back out on the streets.
Robin read through a few more quick stories and audio clips about John McCain, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. She also talked about how PETA has been boycotting KFC because of the way they treat their chickens. Artie asked about their potatoes and why they're not upset about those, they do smash them. Howard wondered what they do to them to torture them. Artie joked that they make the chickens watch tapes of Celebrity Apprentice. Robin said that they live a miserable life from what she's read.
Robin read through some more stories and ended up talking about Kate Hudson. Howard said that he really resents her success for some reason. Howard said that she should be crediting her mother for her career. He said that she has it really good and it's ridiculous that she's that good looking and has all that she does. Robin didn't think she was that hot but both Howard and Artie said that she is very hot. Robin wrapped up her news a short time later. They ended the show around 11:00am.
Jon said that this whole thing started with a Page 69 story that Jason and Will did. He said that they talked about Mike crying while seeing a movie with Richard's girlfriend. Benjy said that Mike planted that story though. Gary thought that was kind of odd.
Jim McClure was there and said that he heard the story from Richard's girlfriend Christine and Mike was laughing when she told the story. They goofed on him the whole night and toward the end of the night he was claiming it was made up. He's not sure if it was made up or not.
High Pitch Mike came in and said that the crying story was good for the show. He said that the last movie he cried at was Hotel Rwanda. He said that he started to cry when he saw the people getting hacked up. He said that the movie ''27 Dresses'' wouldn't make him cry. Jason said that no man in that room would know that because they hadn't seen that movie.
Mike said that he got a vibe from Gary that he took Jason and Will's word for it. Benjy said that Mike shouldn't be surprised that this got on the air because he allegedly planted the story. Mike said he told Christine to tell Richard that he did cry and that's how it all got started.
Gary asked if they ever cried at a movie. Jon didn't have anything. Will said he welled up when he saw Rudy. Gary said that he kind of cried at a movie one time, it was the same one that Chris Rock said he cried at. Benjy said he got upset at the end of the Wonder Years TV show series. Jason said he cries when he sees old home movies. Mike said that he hadn't seen half of the movies that they were talking about.
Jason told Mike to just admit that he cried. Mike said that he's not there to argue about that. He was talking about how strange their Page 69 clip is going to sound today too. Gary wanted to get to his fight with Artie today. Mike said that he knows that they both push each other's buttons. He said that they've never had a good relationship.
Mike admitted that it was shitty to go after Artie's sister today. He said that he was pushing his buttons and that's where he went. Gary said that it was obvious that Artie was ready to get up and take Mike down. Mike said that's why he left the studio when he did. He said it was the right time to get out of there.
Mike said that he thinks that Artie brings Howard's show down to the level of Imus' show when he uses those words that he does. Jason said that Mike went on the Intern show and said that he would never vote for a black President. Mike said that he didn't say that in a racist way, he was just saying that he's pretty sure that they would never elect a black man in this country. Benjy said that Mike has also made some racist comments about Robin in the past.
Benjy said that Artie was kind of out of hand talking about how he wanted to punch Mike. He said that they should be able to voice their opinions on the show without someone raising their fist in anger. Gary said that this is like a reality show and that's the reality of what's going on there.
Jon went to the phones and one guy asked why Mike gets so upset when he gets called a fag. Mike said that Artie does it out of hate and anger and he's not going to take it. He said that other people do it in a funny way but Artie is angry. He said that he wouldn't care if Jon did it walking down the hall or something.
Will said that Artie doesn't pick on Mike any more than he does anyone else there. Mike said that he's not a hateful person but he doesn't think that he'd cry over Artie when he dies.
Another caller said that Artie was getting angry about something else that Mike was talking about. It was about Gary's check that Artie saw. Artie didn't want to talk about that and he got very upset about it. Gary said that might have been part of it.
Gary said that Artie accidentally got a check of his and he made some comments about it at a party they were at. He said that it kind of upset him when that was going on. He said that Artie knew that a mistake had been made and he still looked at the check. He said that he's not sure who told him about it but someone said that Artie got that check and knew that it was his and he still opened it up and looked at it.
Gary said that he doesn't want to talk about what he makes and it did bum him out when he found out about it. The guys talked about all of that and tried to figure out what it was that Artie got so upset about. Mike brought up the check, Beer League and his sister. Jon said he think that the whole check thing is what really set Artie off.
A caller asked Mike why he attacks everyone on the show the way he does. He asked Mike why he thinks that he can attack all of these people when he's done nothing but take a ball sack (or fake vagina) on his face. Mike said he missed that clip, he was busy looking out in the hall at Robin's ass.
Jason said that people forget that Mike was a writer on Who Wants to Be A Millionaire. He said he was just a researcher and only worked there for about 6 months before they went to the Writer's guild and he couldn't work there anymore.
Another caller said that this asshole Mike does nothing but rip on Artie in those clips that they play on the Howard 100 News. They've played some of those clips on Howard's show as well. The guys were also wondering why Howard was backing up Mike in that argument and not backing up Artie.
Mike said that he didn't think that Will and Jason were getting along all that well but they said that they're getting along better than ever lately.
Mike left so the guys spent a little more time talking about his fight with Artie. Will said that he really doesn't think that Mike is gay. Gary said that he's not really sure but he's also not sure if he cares. Jason said he's not sure either. Benjy said that he thinks that there's something going on with that voice and that can effect a person's sexuality.
Jon took another phone call from a guy who asked if Artie had heard Mike's commentary about Artie last week. He was ripping Artie a new asshole in one of those rants he does on the news. Gary asked what it was he said. the guy said that Mike was ripping on him for screwing things up with Dana.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking about Benjy this morning. That got them into the discussion about Benjy and the kind of crap he has to take on the show. Gary said that anyone who gets goofed on thinks that they're being singled out. He said that some people think that Howard has more venom in his voice when he's goofing on Benjy. Will said that he thinks that there might be a little more there.
Gary said that it's tough to talk to Benjy so that might be why they get so frustrated with him on the show. He won't answer a question straight so they get pissed when that happens. Gary said that they used to love goofing on Benjy back at K-Rock when Howard would turn his microphone off and the E! guys would turn off his light at the same time. Gary said that it was funny the way Benjy would lean into his microphone like he wanted to say something and it was all in vain.
Jon took another phone call from a guy who said that Howard is the biggest cock block out there for Benjy. He had that woman in there trying to get a date with him and he was just talking about how awful Benjy was. He thinks that if Benjy just spoke up sometimes, he'd be much better off.
Benjy said that he loves working there and has so much fun there. He said that he loves what Howard has created. He said that he loves that he can say that Howard is a fucking asshole to him and get away with it. He said he really likes Howard a lot but he doesn't think that he gets the acknowledgement from Howard that other people do. Gary said that it took him a long time to get that from Howard and Robin too. He said that he started working with them at NBC and he got treated like a mascot. He said that toward the end of that they goofed on his teeth, then they'd goof on even more stuff and it just keeps going.
Benjy said that he doesn't think that Howard gives him the recognition that he should get for what he does. He said that they'll goof on Dan the Song Parody man about being boring at dinner but then they'll have a ''but...;' and say that he's got great song parodies. Benjy thins that he does get that kind of recognition himself. The guys told Benjy that Howard wouldn't have him in the studio writing for him if he didn't respect him though.
Another caller said he thinks that Robin is the one who takes the most shit there. Gary said that she does take a lot of shit but not the most of everyone. He said that he thinks that Robin wants to be one of the guys but when a woman has to take fat jokes, it's a different thing than guys taking jokes like that. He said that it's hard to take that kind of stuff when you're a woman.
Jon said that Gary is the one who takes shit the most. He takes it from Howard, Sal, people on the street and just about everyone else. Jason agreed that Gary used to be the one who took the most but it's a little more spread out these days.
Benjy said that when they goof on Gary it comes out more as a joke when some of the other stuff isn't really so joke-like with other people. Gary said that he's had a lot of days when it's been really rough for him. He said that Howard once went off on him for 2 hours about him having too much phlegm and that was brutal. He didn't take it like a joke that day. Jon had to go to break after that.
Next week Artie is going to be playing against Fred so Jon asked the guys what they think will happen there. Benjy said that he thinks that Artie can do pretty well because he has such a retention for stuff that he reads. Will said he's not sure about that because Artie can be hit or miss. Gary said he's not sure if he could beat him either because Fred only has that sports Achilles heel.
Jon took a call from a guy who told Benjy to keep his ID in his wallet and not just forget to bring it with him. Benjy said that it won't fit in his wallet but Gary said that his does. The caller said that the impression that Howard does of Gary doesn't sound a thing like him.
Another caller said that he loves Benjy's humor but anywhere else, his ass would be fired for the way he acts there. Gary said that Artie would probably be fired, so would Fred, Sal, Richard, Benjy and others. He said that their group is a group of misfits that work well together. He said that they're like the 1970s Oakland Raiders.
Gary said that he's been furious with everyone in the studio at times and it's very hard to go in there and talk to them during the breaks but he has to do it. He said that he eventually gets some payback though.
Gary said that the guy who was in to talk about Fred at the Rainbow Room that one time still bothers Fred to this day. He said he still brings it up to this day and he kind of feels sorry for him.
Will said that his pee isn't the most disgusting thing there. He said that people don't wash for days and go around touching everything there.
Gary said that Kenneth Keith Kallenbach once got fired for peeing all over the seat at the bathroom where he worked because he hated his boss. The guys talked about how disgusting the toilets were at K-Rock and how there was always shit on the toilets and in the stall. Gary said that there was no ventilation there either and it was just gross every day. Gary said that someone would always leave a shit in the toilet there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Will is disgusting and probably doesn't wash his hands either. Will said he does, that's a sanitary thing. The caller also said that Will is slacking on the PDT (the ticker on the SIRIUS radios) because he doesn't write out the stuff the right way. Will said he doesn't have anything to do with that. The caller thinks that Will uses it for his own agenda. He said that he writes stuff about people to make them look bad.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he agrees with Will about saving water. Will said that he's glad that he's got some fans out there. The guys talked about that stuff for a short time.
Ralph called in and said that he likes how that guy was upset about the PDT. He was also saying that he likes the way that Benjy gets all upset about Howard berating him when he's been late so many time. Ralph also asked Gary why he thinks that he should be fired. Gary said that Ralph almost got into a fist fight with Stuttering John one time. Ralph said that he stopped before he hit John though. Ralph said that Gary has shown up late for work a couple of times himself. Gary said he was sick one time and didn't show up to the Friday Show, once. The guys had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the morning talking about the Kansas City Chiefs saying that Artie told him that they're the best team in the NFL at this point. The guys talked about them for a short time and about some other teams.
Howard then moved on to the big $25,000 football pool and said that Daniel Carver has now moved into the lead. Howard gave a quick run down of how everyone is doing in the pool at this point. Artie lost so he's fallen behind Daniel Carver.
Artie said he's been betting on the games so he hasn't been doing so well for the past few weeks. He's been losing like crazy. Gary the Retard won while Sanders the Chicken lost this week. Artie said he thinks that the chicken will end up beating him this year as well. Howard said he knows that Artie spends all week picking these teams so it's a big deal to him. Artie said of course he puts some time into it. He got some suggestions from this guy Vinnie and he still ended up losing. Artie said that he wants to make that really big bet at the end of the season.
Here's how everyone stands at this point:
The caller said that Kid Rock was pretty good and he was there with Pamela Anderson. They said that Tommy Lee is rumored to be with Pink now. Howard said her song was horrible as well. Howard said that Jimmy Kimmel was pretty funny as the host. He said he wasn't dressed very well though. He said that Jimmy was trying to dress cool but it wasn't working for him. He thinks that he should go with what his strengths are and not try to dress the way he was.
Howard took another call about the American Music Awards. The guy brought up how bad Rod Stewart was so they talked about that for a little while. Howard said he's turning into an elf now and he was hard to watch. Another caller brought up Britney Spears again so Howard was wondering why they don't let her come on his show. Artie told him that in a year or so she'll need to sell albums and she'll be begging to come on his show. Howard had to take a break before moving on to the F-Emmys and stuff like that.
John and Robin said that the kids are still young too. Artie said Stuttering John was watching that show as he was getting ready to go to work a gig at the Stress Factory.
Howard said his kids don't like it when he shows up in a limo to pick them up. He said he went to his Aunt Sally's birthday show and his nieces and nephews love the limo. Robin said that the kids on that show get pissed because the money is just given to them.
Howard said that when he was out on Long Island there were a lot of rich kids out there and they'd all goof on each other about the kinds of cars they would drive. Sometimes the cars would be too nice and kids would goof on the others about that. Artie said if he was one of those kids he'd open a landscaping company or something like that, just to get away from the rich kid thing. Howard said they could become a karate instructor but they apparently don't want to do anything like that.
Robin said that the kids want to be the best at whatever it is they're doing. She mentioned Paris Hilton at one point so Howard talked about how he thinks that she's might be kind of happy about everything that's going on surrounding her sex video. That led to Howard bringing up how they had this Playboy model Nicole Lenz on the show a couple of years ago and it's rumored that she's the one in one of the Paris Hilton videos. Howard played the clip they had where she talks about how she had oral performed on her one time with one girl. Howard says that it's possible that it's Paris Hilton she was talking about. Here's an excerpt from my write up that day: One caller told Howard to have the girls kiss before they left. Howard then asked the girls if they ever did any lesbian stuff. A couple of them had so there was renewed interest in talking to them. Nicole said she never did anything to anyone but a woman gave her oral one time. She said she was drunk and partying and she couldn't say no once the woman started on her. She said it wasn't as good as a guy could do so she didn't orgasm.
After playing the clip Howard said they probably could have gotten more out of her but Gary sounded like a pitbull during the interview. He was talking about his pants getting tight and going nuts. Howard said that it could have been her talking about Paris Hilton that day but they're not sure about that.
Howard said Quincy Jones then stood up and said hello as well. Howard said he was more excited to meet him than Naomi. Quincy brought up the tapes that Howard has played of him at some award show where he was drunk and barely making any sense. Howard said Quincy wants a copy of the tape because he thinks he's the funniest thing he's ever done. Howard said the guy has a great sense of humor.
Artie said that he knows Quincy because he produced ''MAD TV'' when he was on it. He said that he was a really good guy and treated him really well when he was having his drug problems. Howard talked about him for a short time and then said that Naomi seemed to have a stick up her ass or something. Howard said he doesn't even recall looking at her when he was there so he's not sure how she looked in person. Howard said Quincy looked pretty good.
Artie said he got to fly on a private jet with Quincy one time but the guy didn't talk to him much. He said he tried to make small talk with one of his daughters instead. He wasn't sure which one it was though. He said she got on her phone and talked to one of her friends for about 4 hours of the 6 hour flight. He said he just ordered more and more food to stay busy. Howard said that's what he should do on a private jet flight like that.
Howard said he took his kids out to John George on Saturday night. He said he didn't go outside much when he was home this weekend. He said that he was on the computer the whole weekend instead. He said he was having fun taking pictures and printing them out.
Howard said he uses good quality photo paper to print out his pictures and they look just like real pictures. He said he has a Canon printer that he uses with the good paper and they come out great. Robin sounded pretty impressed but Howard said it's not all that hard to do.
The pictures he was taking were of his dog Bianca so they ended up talking about her for a little while. Robin wondered what ever happened to that bit they were going to do where Artie was going to race the dog. Howard said they just never did it but the dog would have beaten Artie's ass. Artie insists that he doesn't hate dogs but Howard thought that he did based on what he's said about them before.
Howard took some more phone calls and hung up on a couple of guys because their calls were kind of pointless. One guy said that Rush Limbaugh is supposed to be back on the air today. Howard said that he'll probably pick up right where he left off and not even talk about his rehab once he's back on air.
The same caller asked Howard when the uncensored E! show video is going to be out. Howard said he hoped to have had it out by Christmas but it's not ready yet. He said he doesn't think it matters, they'll put it out when it's ready. Howard and Artie continued to goof on Rush for a short time. Howard said he could make that whole thing great if it was him. He would have the woman who dealt him the drugs on to talk about all of that. Artie did his impression of Rush for a short time and goofed on the whole situation until Howard went to another commercial break.
Howard said that Alyssa Milano has never been on the show but Robin corrected him and said that she was on many years ago when she stopped by during an awards show they were at. Robin also brought up how Jillian Barberi from Good Day Live dyed her hair so she could be on Hollywood Squares during Blonde Week. Howard said she's like Paris Hilton in the way she loves to be on camera.
Howard said that he got a note from Angie Everhart who told him that she's going to be on Hollywood Squares soon. Howard came up with some ideas for special weeks they could do on that show if they were producing it. Howard moved on to play a few more clips from various news programs where his name was mentioned. He had a few quick mentions from various shows. One of them was from a very boring PBS show so Howard bailed out on that one and moved right into the F-Emmy Awards.
Howard moved on to the first category today which was ''Best Phony Phone Call to a TV Host.'' He said that all of the calls were made by Captain Janks so they had to pick the winner from the victims. First up was Janks' call to an L.A. news team during the fires out in California. Janks called as ''Mark Mercer'' (Janks doing an odd tribute to me) during this call. The second nominee was the show Wind Tunnel with Dave Despain when Janks called in and asked him if he'd like Howard Stern's ball sack. The third nominee was a sports show where Janks called in and asked them if they like Howard Stern's balls and asked if they sucked dick in a second call and then said ''F-you'' in a third call. Next up was Dan Patrick who took a call from Janks who called in as Steve Bartman, the guy who screwed up the Cubs game, and asked him if he likes Howard's butt cheese. Finally, Dan Rather was pranked by Janks during the Space Shuttle disaster. Janks called in claiming to have debris from the crash. He then says that it may be one of Baba Booey's teeth.
Howard opened the envelope and said that Dan Patrick was the winner. He was on the line with Captain Janks. Howard wondered if it was really Dan Patrick. He said he couldn't prove it, he'd have to take Artie's word for it. Artie said that's really him. Dan wondered why Janks would do something like that to someone who likes the show. Janks said that he loves Sports Center and thought that they would be the best place to make that call to. Janks said it was tough to get through to that show but he had spoken to Steve Bartman and had a lot of information to get through to them.
Howard told Dan that Janks put a lot of time and effort into that call. Dan said that they have changed the screening system over there since that call. Howard wondered if anyone gets in trouble when something like that happens. Dan said that nothing like that happens. Dan told Janks that he did a good job when he made that prank call because he had him convinced that it was Steve Bartman.
Janks said that Sports Center is off limits to him from now on. Dan said he really wanted to crawl under the desk when that call happened. He said he had to do another 45 minutes worth of show after that and it was tough.
Howard told Dan that the F-Emmy is a guy banging a chick that's animated and they will send him one in the mail. Dan made a quick acceptance speech and told Howard that he's a fan of his. Captain Janks also made a quick speech and got in a plug for his web site CaptainJanks.tk. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said he was watching a TV commercial the other day for this thing called WebEx.com and he got sucked in so much he was testing it out on their demo page. He said the technology was pretty cool and he couldn't believe he got sucked into doing something from watching a commercial.
Howard said that he got this article from Cabbie (all mentions of Cabbie's name in Master Tape Theatre have been edited out) about John Travolta's Florida home and how he had a runway installed on his property so he can park his 707 jet near his home. Howard wasn't sure if it was a true story or not but Gary told him they found another story out of a Indianapolis newspaper that pretty much confirmed it.
Howard said he's never going to bad mouth Travolta again because anyone who can have a life like that is pretty amazing. Howard said he feels like a failure next to Travolta after reading the story. There's a picture in the article where they show the plane in his yard.
Howard and the guys talked about how Travolta could have made that much money in his career. Robin said he's always owned planes and has had a lavish lifestyle and no one knows how he managed to do that.
A listener called in to tell Howard about Travolta's home and how all of his neighbors have similar set ups down there. Howard wondered if he moved there just so he could do that. He said that he could live somewhere in L.A. ten minutes from the airport but he has to live at this place so he can park his plane in his yard. Howard wondered why it's so important to him to have the plane in his yard. He talked about how much it must cost him in fuel when he wants to fly. He said to fill up a smaller Gulfstream probably costs $30,000.
Howard said he went out to a stationary store and bought a $100 Mont Blanc pen over the weekend and he felt like he was being kind of extravagant. Another caller told Howard that there are quite a few communities down there that have fly-in fly-out homes. Howard said he wants to interview Travolta just about that subject. He said he wants to know how he makes that kind of money. Howard said he has to start making more movies so he can have that kind of money.
The following segment was edited out of Master Tape Theatre. Erasing history... Chaunce Hayden called in and said that there's a big story in the NY Post about how strip clubs might be shut down in New York. Howard said he read the story he was talking about and said that Chaunce wasn't getting it and he was wrong about them being closed down. Chaunce said that the clubs aren't going to be able to call the strippers independent contractors anymore so they're going to have to shut down. Howard said that doesn't mean anything and hung up on him a short time later. Howard also told Robin that Chaunce does not have cancer like he thought he might. He said he went to the doctor and found out there is no cancer where they thought there was.
Howard said there was an article in a Las Vegas newspaper where they talked about how a Spanish radio station was beating him. Howard said that his show doesn't compete against Spanish speaking audiences so it wasn't really a relevant article. He seemed to think that they just wanted to bash him any way they could so that's how they went about doing it.
Howard talked about how his station is holding their big yearly Clause Fest concert on December 5th and 6th. He said he's going to try and go at least one night. Robin said she's not sure she's going to be going either. Howard ended up back on the John Travolta thing for a few seconds before getting back to the F-Emmys.
First up was Gary vs. Howard over a news article that Gary gave Howard. Next up was Howard vs. Robin over the outcome of the Nearlywed Game. The third nominee was Howard vs. Fred. Howard got pissed at Fred when he didn't tell him he had a tape he was waiting for. After playing that tape Howard said that was a typical Fred thing to do because he never volunteers information. He said Fred drives him crazy with that stuff. They brought up this time that Benjy was late and Fred never told him about that.
Artie eventually told Howard about it but that was only after Ronnie told him. Howard got back to the next nominee which was Howard vs. John over the fact that John took an extra week off to do ''I'm a Celebrity, Get me Out of Here!'' Howard ended up getting upset about that whole thing again as well. He said John was only supposed to take 2 weeks off but ended up being out for 3 weeks.
Howard played the next nominees which were Robin vs. John over the Heineken trip to Amsterdam. Robin was nominated again after that. It was Robin vs. Gary over how Gary doesn't wait for his turn to talk to Howard during commercial breaks. The final nominee was Stuttering John vs. Chuck Roast (program director) after John was fired on the air.
Howard opened the envelope and found the winner was Stuttering John vs. Chuck Roast. Howard asked where Chuck Roast was because he doesn't usually get in that early. Howard asked John what the ''silver lining'' was that Chuck mentioned during that argument. John said he's still getting paid until the end of the year. John got in a couple of plugs for some comedy shows he's doing in the next couple of weeks. He thanked the owners of Zanies in Vernon Hills where he'll be appearing this weekend. (Check StutteringJohn.com for more show dates.)
Howard opened the envelope and said that Nicole the nutty icon list chick was the winner. She wasn't on the line to accept the award but Chuck Norris was on the line to accept for her. Chuck joked that he knows her well. Chuck said that he was in New York recently but didn't manage to get in there when he was there. Chuck said he was only in town for a day or so. Chuck said fans always ask him when he's going to be on again. He said he's still married and he's celebrating his 5th anniversary this month. He's got twin two year olds as well.
Chuck told Howard that he's guest starring on the CBS sitcom ''Yes Dear.'' Howard didn't know much about the show and asked if there were any hot chicks on the show. Chuck said they were nice girls but he wouldn't call them ''hot.'' He told Howard about the part and what he does on the show. He described the show but Howard wondered where the funny parts were. Chuck promised him that it was funny stuff and he does do karate in it.
Howard asked Chuck if he's as rich as John Travolta and has his own plane in his driveway. Chuck said he rents a plane but doesn't own one. He said he's made some good money in his time but he doesn't have that much. Howard said if John Travolta is that rich, the Bee Gees must have an entire airport in their home. Howard read that Chuck also believes that ''the end'' is near for humanity so he asked him about that. Chuck said he doesn't think that's coming soon, but he's working for this Internet Service Provider (Max.com) that's trying to stop pedophiles from getting to people's kids. Howard spoke to him about that for a couple of minutes before wrapping up the call.
Howard said they usually do a song at the F-Emmys each year but this year the song was too complicated so they decided against it. He said Fred picked the hardest song to play for some reason.
Howard said he thinks that Kid Rock's version of ''Feel Like Makin Love'' is great on his album but when he performed it on the American Music Awards, it didn't sound so good. He played the CD version of the song and talked about how hot the drummer in his band is.
Howard then talked about this Hillary Duff chick and how disgusted he was with her birthday special on TV the other night. He and the guys talked about her for a couple of minutes. Howard played a clip of her performance from the American Music Awards and said that she was rocking harder than Kid Rock was... but the song was horrible.
Howard had some other clips from the awards show and wondered what Robin wanted to hear. They played some of Jimmy Kimmel's monolog. Howard said it was actually pretty good. Jimmy mentioned Jessica Simpson at one point so Howard talked about how hot she is. He said she is the hottest chick he's ever seen. Howard said he would slam her so hard with his salami. He said he'd like to take his salami and put it in her kosher deli. That led to Howard and Artie both talking about what they'd like to do to her. Howard said he'd even do the baby talk that she does with her husband. He also made a comment about banging her in the trunk of a car and then bury her in a shallow grave. Howard said he had to take another break right after that.
Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and said that the CD is a let down and what people really want is a DVD of Let it Be. Howard spoke to Vinnie for a minute and said that these conversations are boring to him. He said that Vinnie's house must be like one big iPod with all of the music he has over there. Vinnie claims that he had a bootleg of this album years ago. Howard and the guys ended up goofing on Vinnie again during this conversation. Howard wondered why he doesn't work out instead of listening to the music all the time. Vinnie seems to think he's in pretty good shape though. Howard spent a couple of minutes goofing on him before getting off the phone.
There's a bonus CD in the set that features the guys just talking to one another while they warm up. Howard said that it's probably just them yelling at each other. When he started to play it that's basically what it was. Then they broke into song and started singing ''Don't Let Me Down'' which was actually kind of cool to Howard. He said he might listen to it but only for 2 seconds. He said he was already bored after hearing that.
The girl told Robin that she looks good now that she's lost her weight so they spent a minute on that. Robin told her that she used The Master Cleanser diet for that. Robin then came up with something that the girl could play to win the money she wanted. Robin whispered it to Howard and she suggested the Anal Ring Toss game. Howard still wasn't sure about that though. Howard said that he didn't have any money to give away doing something like that so he said he would play the ''Benjy Blows the Shophar'' game and let her play for $500.
Benjy blows this awful instrument to the tune of an AC/DC song and she has to try and guess which song it is. She wasn't a fan of the band but she was able to guess that it was ''Highway to Hell.'' Howard played the real song and Benjy blowing the Shophar along to the song to show how close it was. Howard said the money was courtesy of the AC/DC - Live at Donington DVD that's out now.
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to the girl about what she's going to do when she goes to Germany. She said she's going to try and not do anything for 3 days for some reason. She said that she doesn't use a vibrator on the girl, she just gives her oral. Howard didn't find out what her made up name was until the end of the segment. She said that her name was Sally but Howard said there's no black chick named Sally. She ran out a short time later so Howard wrapped up the segment and took a break.
Howard played the audio of Rod performing at the American Music Awards and wondered what the guy is up to. He said that performance was awful and he thinks that he can sing better than that guy. Howard then sang some song that he was making up as he went along. He sang about Robin a bit and said that's much better than Rod Stewart's singing.
Robin got into her news after that and read a story about Christopher Reeve who had a new respirator installed in his diaphragm to help him breathe. She also talked about Gil Scott Harron who performed the song ''Whitey's On The Moon'' which they've played on the show pretty often.
Howard took some calls during the news but kept them pretty short. Robin talked about the movie Elf coming out and doing very well in the theaters that weekend. Scott DePace came in and said that he tried to go see it but it was sold out.
Robin read through a bunch of stories and brought up one story about comic books. That led to Howard talking about his collection that his mother ended up giving away without his permission. He said that she said that no one cared about this ''Supurb-man'' comics that he had. He said he had to correct her and tell her it was Superman. He did his impression of his mom and goofed on her for a short time.
After Robin read through a few more stories Howard wrapped up the show around 10:00am Master Tape Theatre time.