|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
We heard a current clip of Howard's mother talking about how she wasn't an easy mom to deal with but she's satisfied with the results of raising two kids. Ben Stern said that she did try to straighten Howard out but he's not sure what kind of impact she made.
They went back into the K-Rock clip where Howard's mother called in about the ''Hitler'' comment. Howard gave her some ''Heil Mommy'' comments and told her to lighten up a bit. Ray said she'd like to know why he's so hostile toward her. Howard said he's a complete obsessive compulsive and anal retentive person because of the way he was raised. Howard asked how his father Eva Braun is doing. Howard said that was Hitler's girlfriend. Ray asked Howard if this is supposed to be funny. Howard said if he wants his ratings to go up it had better be.
Howard said he was 34 before he was able to get an ear ring. He told his mother that she should have made him a latch key kid. Howard told her that she was a very intense mother and she smothered him. She said she must have done something right.
Howard said he hears his mother's voice in his head all the time and he figures there has to be a way to get rid of that. Howard went off on his mother for not taking his kids out shopping like she does with her other grand kids. Ray said that's because they're not available.
Ray told Howard he has to start behaving himself because it's time for him to do that. Howard said that this voice is what makes him superstitious. Ray told him that superstitious is for ignorant people. Howard said that he thinks that bad things are going to happen because of the things that his mother planted in his head. Howard told her that she raised him like a veal. He said that it was like being locked up in a box without any lights on. Howard said that's what his childhood was like. He went off on his mother about that for a short time and told her that he does love her. He said that she's a very generous, loving person and he loves her very much. Ray told him he needs to show that in a different way.
We heard a current clip of Howard talking about how he saw that kind of stuff as good drama on the show. He thought his parents were kidding about some of that but he now realizes they were serious. Howard said that he felt bad afterward. He said that he didn't want anything to interfere with the radio show but he was on fire back then and he was in heat over the radio show. Howard said he couldn't sacrifice anything for the show. He said that would have been being soft. Howard said he should have had bounds but he really didn't.
We heard a current clip of Gary talking about Mitch leaving the show after he had a bad car accident. Mitch had a friend that he was going to suggest for the job. That person turned out to be Stuttering John. We heard from John about Mitch suggesting him for the job. Mitch also said that he knew John before he got on the show and he knows that he stuttered before that. He said that he told John about the job and he ended up getting the job.
Gary said that Mitch told him that the guy stuttered back then and he thought that was cool. Jackie Martling said that Howard told Gary ''Hire him!'' as soon as he heard that he stuttered. Howard said he knew that he didn't have to meet John to know he'd make a great intern. Robin said they all knew that they had a stutterer coming on the show, they didn't know how bad it was though.
Stuttering John talked about how he knew about Howard's show but not all that much. He said that he was very guilt ridden from being raised catholic and didn't know about people masturbating all the time like he was doing. John said that he would hear Howard talk about it and it made him feel better about doing it. John also said he knew that Howard was going to be huge one day after hearing the show.
They went into an old K-Rock clip where Howard was saying goodbye to Mitch and giving him a bunch of money that the guys had put together. It was also John's first day. Howard said that John stutters and they may end up liking him better than Mitch. Robin said that it's someone with talent.
Howard had John come into the studio for the first time and asked him about his stuttering. John said that he stutters when he gets excited. Howard said he sounded pretty good so far and wasn't stuttering much. Howard said it was kind of disappointing. Then John started to stutter more and more. John said that he has trouble with M words and saying his own name since his last name was Melendez.
Howard told Mitch that John was going to be a big star and he was already better on the air than he was. Howard asked John to say his name 3 times but John didn't have trouble that time. John said it's not all the time that he has a problem. Howard said this was fun and that stuttering thing would happen. Howard said he liked John already and he wouldn't miss Mitch that much. Mitch said he liked the way Howard told Gary to hire John as soon as he heard he stuttered.
We heard a current clip of John talking about how he went out to get some clothes for this new job he was getting. John said that Robin was getting out of her car with a cast on her arm and crutches that first day he started and he wondered how bad they were on the show when he saw that.
We heard another K-Rock clip where Howard was talking about John being the new star on the show and how he was stuttering up a storm that morning. He had only been there for two days so far. Howard said he's as good a worker as Mitch and he stutters as well. Howard said he heard about this thing that went on over at Letterman so he wanted John to come in and tell him the story. John came in and started to tell the story and he was stuttering pretty bad. John said it's like a menstrual cycle for his stutter and it gets worse at certain times of the month.
John was starting to calm down so Howard asked him what was up with that. John said that he was calming down as the morning went on. Howard told John that he's not going to leave this job no matter what happens. He told John they're going to send him out on interviews and stuff. John said that he can't wait to go out and do those interviews. He said he can't even say the name Letterman and had some trouble getting that name out.
Howard said that John was asking him about what his plans were for Labor Day weekend and it took him forever to get it out. Howard said when John is on the air he doesn't get that nervous but he does in the back office.
After that we heard a current clip of John talking about how he hated being made fun of on the show. Jackie said that it was fun at first for John but then he brought in a song that he created and it was ''Poor Little Jew Boy Thought He Was a Coon'' so they wondered if he was out of his mind. John thought that the show was outrageous and didn't know why they were goofing on him.
We heard another K-Rock clip where Howard talked to John about his stuttering that morning. He said John's head was rattling and everything. John said he thought he was doing good that morning. Howard said it was a new week and John hadn't seen them in a week so maybe that's why he was nervous. Howard said he was told that John wrote some song for them. John said that he did it for the show.
Howard said he was looking forward to hearing this song that John wrote for the show. John said that her put the song together himself and had a friend help him out with it. He said he does most of the music himself. Howard played the song and when he heard the lyrics ''Here's a story about a Jew's success...'' he stopped it and told John that he's half Jew and he denies that part of his history. Howard went off on John about using the word Jew the way he did. John said it was in a positive way though.
Howard said he never talks about being a Jew, he's a half Jew. John said the song is positive and he's not doing anything negative there. He said that the word just fit in the song. Howard said that he bets that the next line will be about his ''rudder nose'' or something like that. Howard played more of the song and tried to figure out what he was saying. John was telling the story of Howard's life growing up with blacks and stuff like that.
Howard listened in and John had to interpret another line which was ''Poor little Jew boy thought he was a con...'' Howard told John he doesn't use names like that. Robin said she couldn't believe he was using that name. Howard said they never do that on the show. John said the song is very positive toward Howard and he's really not racist.
Howard figured there was some history there with John that he's letting out in his song. John said there really wasn't any history there. Howard said he had to restart the song after that so he could hear it all again. Howard said Gary told him that there wasn't much to make fun of about the song. Gary must have been out of his mind too.
Howard played the song again and had some fun goofing on John about his dopey lyrics. John argued that he was just writing a song about how much Howard had to struggle to make it where he did.
That led to a K-Rock clip from a show where Robin was reading a story about Joan Kennedy and Howard went into his Ted and Joan Kennedy impressions. Howard was on his megaphone creating a conversation between Joan and Ted talking about Mary Jo Kopechne's death and other things. Howard was doing a lot of ''Er-uh'' comments and doing his best New England accent while he was goofing on Kennedy. Howard kept up the impression for a few minutes while Robin continued the news story she had about Joan. Howard would make stuff up as Robin read through the story.
After that clip they went to commercial break.
Next up we heard Jim Forbes talking about Howard's return to Washington DC on September 29, 1988. Howard had been on there before so it meant something to Howard to go back. We heard him talking about that for a few seconds. Then Fred talked about getting on down there and how those people down there were some of the nicest people he's ever met. He said it was just a great place to be when they were on down there before. Fred said he loved having that connection to the area again. Robin said the same thing and said that she hated leaving Washington DC when they left the last time.
After that we heard another news report about Howard's return to the city and going up against The Greaseman. Howard could be heard going off on the station and how he was going to crush his former station, DC-101, now that he was back. They gave a rundown of the ratings that the stations had down there as Howard was starting out. WJFK, formerly WBMW, was hoping that Howard would bring their ratings up.
They went into that K-Rock clip where Howard was asking for the script for the bit they were about to do with Eddie Money. Eddie was kind of nervous about the whole thing. Howard was controlling all of the sound effects and said he knows how Fred feels now. Howard said this was called ''Eddie Money meets Liberace.'' Fred was playing the part of Liberace. Liberace was back stage with Eddie Money and told him to try out his ''night stick.'' Eddie read his lines and Fred joked about taking Eddie home tonight. Eddie was laughing through the bit since they were doing it live.
Howard said that Eddie is some actor laughing through the bit. They continued the bit and Howard came in as a character. They had Jackie and Robin laughing with some of the lines. Then they broke into a parody of ''Two Tickets To Paradise'' called ''Two Fingers in Paradise.'' Fred was singing as Liberace and had the guys cracking up. Eddie asked them to hold on a minute because he couldn't do it. Fred ended up singing the whole song himself instead. He ended up laughing during the song because the lyrics were so funny.
After that we heard Gary talking about how they wanted to put that song on the Crucified by the FCC set but Eddie's manager didn't allow it. Gary said he remembers talking to Eddie years later and he was kind of upset that his manager didn't allow it.
Stuttering John said that he was really stuttering up a storm that day because he had never really met a celebrity before. John said he thought he had screwed up by stuttering so much that day but Howard loved it. That's when ''Stuttering John'' was born.
They went into the audio of that first time Howard played one of John's interviews. Howard asked John to talk about the interviews he did. John did that and ended up having to be bleeped when he said that he felt he had to shit a brick that day. Then Howard played the audio of John talking to Carly and doing the interview. John didn't want to say how she looked that day. He said she looked ''okay'' but didn't want to say much else. John ended up asking her how she got over her fear of performing on stage. She didn't want to answer personal questions like that so John asked her if she would come on the Stern show. Carly said that she has been on before and she might come on again. Carly said that she's a stutterer as well and she does stutter when she talks. John continued to ask her a couple of questions about her personal life and stuttered up a storm trying to get them out.
Howard told John that he's no longer allowed to tell people what show he's from. He said that it turns out to be a cool interview that he's doing. He said that he can only say he's from WXRK.
Jim Forbes said that Jackie staged his first walk out on October 11, 1988. We heard from Fred on that subject and he said he had to be very careful with the way he spoke about Jackie because he'll get very upset if he says something wrong. He asked the fans to stop calling Jackie and telling him everything he says. He said that no one knew what Jackie was up to back then when he walked out. He said he's never seen anyone do that before or since then. Fred said it was ridiculous.
We heard from Nancy Siriani, Jackie's ex, who was saying that she was an advisor of Jackie's back then and she was privy to all of those decisions he made. She was totally behind him at the time and he wanted credit for what he was doing. Jackie came on and said that he never asked for that much more money back then. He said he didn't know what anyone else was asking for but what he does isn't anyone's business either. Jackie said he's very stubborn too and if he can't get more then he'd be willing to walk out and find something else to do.
After that we heard a K-Rock clip of Howard talking about Jackie leaving the show after they wouldn't pay him what he was asking for. Howard said he had a goodbye conversation with Jackie and he was saying that he was ready to go since they weren't giving him what he was asking for. Howard said Fred gave Jackie some good advice and told him to get some representation. Howard spent a few minutes talking about Jackie leaving the show and how bad of an idea he thinks that is. Howard said Jackie gets all kinds of plugs on the show and people are going to forget about him if he can't get them those plugs.
Gary was talking to Howard about how the conversations were going on for weeks and he was bummed that it finally came true. Howard and Gary talked about that for a short time and talked about how they thought he had things settled. Howard spent some time talking about Jackie and said they couldn't spend a lot of time on the subject. They said their goodbye to him.
After that we heard a current clip of Jackie talking about how he would never just walk off the show and not show up without letting them know that he was walking off the show. Jackie said he always gave them warning even if they made it seem like he hadn't. Fred said that no one else would have put up with Jackie's nonsense back then. He said it was remarkable that they did put up with it and let him come back.
We heard another K-Rock clip where Howard announced that Jackie was back after walking off the show. Howard said that they felt pretty good after Jackie had left and they figured they had made a mistake hiring him back. Howard said he was told by Tom Chiusano that they could fire him at any time if they didn't want him there anymore. Howard ended up doing an impression of Jackie's laugh since that was back with Jackie.
We heard from Jimmy Kimmel after that. Jimmy was talking about his uncle Vinnie and how he got him interested in the show. He said he'd get a cassette tape from the guy and he'd listen to it over and over and over again for weeks while he waited for more. He said Howard eventually came to L.A. and he was just barely able to pick up the signal. He said that the worst thing was when Howard would be in commercial break on his drive to work and he'd miss out on the show. They went to another commercial break after that.
Robin said that they knew that there was this huge animosity toward them and they knew what was going on. She said that they figured that they shouldn't be dissing them though. Robin said that they were there for the band when they were starting out and helped them out a lot.
Jon Bon Jovi talked about the day he remembers hearing about Howard being upset with them. He said that K-Rock wasn't playing their record so the record company guy told him that they weren't going to appear on the station. Jon said that he was upset about that but the guy convinced him that they would smooth things out. John said that Howard was upset and it was understandable. He said that just shows how bright the record companies are.
After that we heard a K-Rock clip where Howard tried calling Jon to find out what was going on. He was given the number by a fan. Howard got a woman on the line who said that he wasn't there. Howard said he knew that Jon was there because he had picked up a few minutes before. Howard told the woman to pass along a message about how he was really hurt by him not coming on the show. Howard asked the woman to put Jon on the phone or at least put him on so he can listen to what he has to say.
Jon got on the phone so Howard asked him how he could do this to him. Jon told Howard that it was the record company but Howard said that's not true and he needs him to help out with his ratings battle. Howard said that WNEW is never going to play their records so he doesn't need to kiss their ass. Howard said that he can see going on Z-100 but to ignore him is just wrong. Howard said he should have demanded to come on his show. Howard said that WPLJ is a homo station to him and he's their pal and thinks that he helped them out in the early days. Howard said he always believed in the band and told people that's why he was having them on the show in those days.
Howard told Jon that they're big news and he thinks that they should be doing his show. Howard ended up going off the air to talk to Jon about something that he wanted to fill him in on. Howard said he had a story about him that he heard. Howard asked him if it was true after he went off the air. Jon said it wasn't true and he swore to god on his life that it wasn't true.
Jon told Howard that he told his record company that he had to go see Howard but they wouldn't let him because they don't play his record there at K-Rock. Jon said he was told not to go on and that people were walking away from the show because of that stuff. Jon said he was told he couldn't go to K-Rock. He said that he was also told that if he went on there, because he's on in Philly and Washington, that the other stations would get upset that he didn't appear on their stations. Howard said that wasn't a very good reason. He told Jon that he was there for him in the early days and even got him some sodomy in the back of a limo. Jon said that he hasn't forgotten about any of that stuff. Howard said that this is sort of the way he makes a living and he really hurt him.
After that clip we heard Jon Bon Jovi talking about how he was half asleep in that phone call. He said that Howard was on from 6 to 10. He said that the record company told him that things were going to be okay and they'd be fine with Howard after that. They were on their way out of the country at the time so he figured things would be fine.
Next up we heard a K-Rock clip where Gary came in and told Howard that Richie Sambora was on the phone too. Jon was still on the phone with Howard. Howard told Jon he had to go. He told Jon to have a good day and let him go. Howard then called Richie Sambora to find out what he was up to. Richie was acting like noting was wrong. Howard told him not to call him at home anymore after this. He said that they really hurt him. Richie apologized and said that they really helped them out. Howard said that they're real rebels there. Richie said that Leslie West just called him to let him know what was going on so he figured he'd call in and say hi before they left the country.
Howard told Richie that he gives friendship a bad name. He said that he didn't want to get into it with them but they really hurt him. Richie said he was apologizing to him over it all. Howard said that even Meg Griffin, who is a hippie, was hoping that their plane would crash. Howard said she was doing some voo doo over there in the corner. Howard spent a couple of minutes goofing around with Richie before he had to get going.
We heard a current clip of Meg Griffin talking about how Howard made something out of that whole controversy. She said that it was a negative but he was able to turn it into ratings. She said that Jon was a very diplomatic gentleman and she can't imagine him arguing with anyone over stuff like that. Howard also said that he wanted to hold on to his friends back then and he was almost like a wife being left by her husband that she stuck with for many years.
We heard another K-Rock clip of Howard performing a song parody to the tune of a Bon Jovi song. It was ''Bon Jovi Gives Friendship A Bad Name.'' Howard was performing it live and had some trouble getting it started. Howard sang the song and eventually got a little better and had Fred helping him figure out where to come in.
Howard went on to goof on Bon Jovi and said that they're kind of like Bruce Springsteen light and Jon is always talking about how tough it was growing up but they grew up in Sayreville,, New Jersey which isn't that bad. Howard did an impression of Jon making those speeches he does on stage and goofed on him for a few minutes. Howard talked about how it's hard to accept Jon talking about working his way out of Sayreville when he's a 10 minute train ride from New York City. He sang that song again after that.
Howard wanted to come up with a new name for Bon Jovi. He and Fred threw out a few new names like Bon Blowme, Bon Baloney, Bon Phony, Bon Jerkoff, Bon Penis and others. Howard said that it would help the ratings if they sued something like Bon Penis. He said that he might stick with Bon Phony or Bon Jerkoff. Robin said that the fans might not know who he's talking about. Howard said the fans will know who he's talking about and who cares if they don't? Robin suggested that she name Jon in the song instead of the band.
After that we heard a K-Rock clip where Howard went off on David Lee Roth for doing other shows and not doing his. Howard said that Dave takes a lot of crap but he's always had a kind word to say about the guy. Howard said that they always played their music and talked about Dave being good even after he left the band. Howard said that he got into trouble for using the term ''douche chills'' on the air the other day. He said he and Tom had to talk about that. He said he convinced Tom that it was okay to use it. He said he told Tom that's what he gets when he hears he has to meet with him.
Howard got back to the David Lee Roth thing and said that he's always been favorable about Dave. He said he's talked him up and then he split with Van Halen and he thought that he'd support him in that. Howard said Dave was the one getting the attention and he thought he was pretty fair about that. Howard said he's been calling Dave for like a year trying to get him on the show. Howard said Dave has always been loose but now he won't come on the show and his publicist is ignoring them.
Gary came in and said that the publicist told him that Dave was only doing one show and it was syndicated. Then he found out that he did another local show and they blamed other people for that. Howard asked for Dave's new record because he was going to goof on it. Gary said they may not have it. They eventually found it so Howard scratched it up by dragging the needle all over it. He was having some trouble finding the right song so he was dragging the needle all over it again. Robin asked how much those needles cost. He said that he didn't care how much those needles cost.
Howard said he hates being jerked off by these people. Gary said that Dave said he was going to come in and do the show but he never did. Howard said that he has avoided talking about Dave's hair weave but now he might have to bring it up. Howard said if you see his new video, you can see that he has a head band on and it's hiding this hair weave he has. Howard said that it almost looks like a thatch of hair on his head and it doesn't fly around like natural hair. He said that it's like all of a sudden he's looking like ''David Roth'' instead of David Lee Roth. Howard said he's realized that he's not that much uglier than Dave now that he's losing his hair.
Howard told the audience that they are to call him ''David Weave Roth'' when they see him out on the street. He said they spent a lot of time coming up with that name. Jackie could be laughing his ass off in the background as Howard was saying the name over and over again.
After that clip we heard Howard talking about how he can really badger someone like that. That was him tantruming. He said he's like a little kid who will nag until he gets his way. Jim Forbes said that Howard did get his way when David Lee Roth showed up 24 hours later.
They played a K-Rock clip where David Lee Roth showed up on the show. Howard said that it's about time he showed up there. Dave said that he doesn't jump on the edge of Howard's bed while he's trying to make a living. Dave told Howard that the only thing real on his body is his hair. Howard told him that he looked good. Howard apologized to Dave for doing what he did the other day and said that he overreacted to that. Dave seemed to be okay with that.
Howard asked Dave how much tookie he's getting out on the road. He said that he saw Dave in Detroit one time and they had a ton of girls with them back then. They spent a few more minutes on that before they had to break.
We heard from Howard talking about how he heard Larry doing his Larry Fine impression and he had never heard an impression like that before. He said it was so brilliant and so right on that he knew they had to have him on the show.
Gary said they had Billy on the show and he just sat in the back of the studio doing the same kind of stuff Fred was doing. They didn't tell Fred that they were going to be doing that either. Gary said Fred never made a stink about it but it may have been in the back of his mind.
After that we heard a K-Rock clip where Howard was talking about Fred not being in that morning. Howard said that Fred had to move and he couldn't help but miss a day of work. Howard was in the middle of a live commercial. As soon as he finished it up Howard introduced Billy to everyone. Howard said that Billy was doing some work for WBCN, up in Boston, and one of the big wigs there wanted him to sit in.
Howard had Billy do some of his voices. Billy did a little kid voice, Casey Kasem, Governor Michael Dukakis and others. Howard said he hates when guys do voices for him in person. Billy did some other voices and sound effects and has Howard laughing. Billy was doing some material too and it seemed to be working for Howard.
Billy did an impression of George Bush Sr. Billy said that he does voices and stuff for the morning show up at WBCN. He said that he does some singing too. He did an impression of Bruce Springsteen but Howard told him that he should stop when he's ahead because that wasn't that good. He didn't seem to like his Ricky Ricardo impression either.
Howard asked Billy why he wanted to sit in. Billy said he just wanted to get a look at him. He doesn't get to come to New York often. He said he wants to meet Donald Trump as well.
After that clip we heard Tom Chiusano talking about how Billy was, and still is, one of the best voice guys out there and he fit perfectly with the show. Jackie the Joke Man also said that he did fit in very well and he was a great asset but there were a lot of long ball hitters in the room with him.
Howard talked about how talented Billy was and how the show kind of became the Billy show when he would be on. He said all of his voices were funny and Billy would make him laugh the hardest out of anyone on the show. Howard said he was easy to work with too. Howard said it was very simple having him on the show and he'd bring him on as much as he could.
Billy said that he went in to talk to Howard one day when they were talking about the ''I Love Lucy'' shows because Lucy wasn't doing very well. He broke into a Lucy impression in the back office. He said he did this impression and that's how he ended up getting to be a contributor to the show.
After that we heard a clip of Howard calling Billy, as a very sick Lucille Ball, and asking her how she's doing. Billy was doing a very deep voiced Lucy who was supposed to be very ill. Howard talked to him for a few minutes as Lucy. Gilbert Gottfried was sitting in on the show and was laughing his ass off as they were speaking to Lucy. Billy had Howard and Gilbert laughing their asses off during that bit.
After that we heard a K-Rock clip where Howard was talking to some girls in the studio about the game they were going to play. He spoke to Karen and Michelle who were going to play Naked Jeopardy. Howard had a few categories for them to choose from and filled the girls in on all of that. Howard said he didn't care how it went as long as their clothes came off.
Howard went into the game and said that Karen had triple Ds. Howard said that if they get a question wrong then they have to take their clothes off. Howard asked for the amount of testicles Richard Belzer had. Karen got it right with ''one.'' That meant that Michelle had to take off some clothes. Michelle took off her shirt. Howard said he was surprised that she went for the shirt as the first thing. Howard said this game had real potential.
Howard asked another question about what was removed from choir boys back in the old days to make their voices high. Karen answered correctly with Testicles so Michelle had to take off more clothes. She took off her underwear. She seemed kind of hesitant to do anything and it turns out she was a go-go dancer and not a stripper like Howard thought she was. She said she's not used to stripping down like that.
Howard read another question which was ''Elvis would have naked girls wrestle with this animal.'' Michelle and Karen both got it wrong. They both had to take off an article of clothing. Karen took off her jacket. Michelle took off her g-string.
Howard went through a few more questions and Michelle was losing her clothes quickly. She took off her bra next. Howard said that was great. Stuttering John was hiding under the console in the studio and claimed that he had to change a tape. Howard kicked him out of there. Then Michelle lost all of her clothes but she didn't want to get totally naked. She wanted to just lift up her dress. She eventually did but she didn't seem all that into it. Howard told her she looked great when she finally did get totally naked.
Karen wasn't quite naked but she had to take off her top. Howard went nuts when he saw the size of her breasts. Howard said ''You poor girl!'' when he saw them. Howard said that Michelle looked really good and had her dance around the studio a bit. Howard said she could dance any way she wanted in there. He was screaming that this was great as they played some Rolling Stones for her to dance to. Howard said that she looked kind of like Hitler down there the way she shaves. Howard went into an ''I Love Doody'' parody of ''I Love Lucy'' bit before they went to break.
Howard also talked about Dice's first album and how phenomenal it was. He said Dice was great at mixing it up on the air with them too. Dice said that they did have chemistry but not the kind that makes you want to bang in the ass or anything.
They played a K-Rock clip where Howard said that Andrew Dice Clay and his buddy Hottub Johnny were getting nervous out there so he told Gary to bring them in. Howard said that Hot Tub had hair like him. Fred was in his Kurt Waldheim Jr. voice and talking to Dice and calling him ''AnJew'' and making fun of him and Johnny.
Howard said that Kurt was against Andrew coming in so he asked him why that was. Kurt said he wanted to see a birth certificate and he wanted to see it at once. Dice said everyone wants. Kurt asked to see his foreskin. Dice said that he's something special. Kurt called him Fonzie so Howard asked him to be nice to his guests.
Howard gave Dice some plugs for his upcoming show at the Beacon Theater. They talked about that a little bit while Kurt was making Jew jokes. Howard said he was kind of scared of this Hottub Johnny guy. Dice told him not to piss him off.
Howard played ''Guess Who's The Jew'' with a caller after that. Dice got in on that goofing around and Kurt said he was kind of liking this guy after some racial comments that Dice had made. Kurt gave the names for the Guess Who's the Jew game and they included Rue Mclanahan, Betty White and Estelle Getty. It turned out to be Estelle Getty and the caller missed out when he guessed wrong. Howard said he was going to give him a second chance but he had to take something from the caller if he got it wrong again. Howard ended up hanging up on the guy when he gave some stupid answers for some questions they were asking him.
Howard got back to Dice and asked him about his first HBO special and what was going on with that. They spent a few minutes on that and then Howard had to end the show. Dice and Johnny weren't sure what they were going to do after that. Dice told Robin that she must know what has to be done. He asked her if she was wearing panties. Robin told him to stop that. Dice told her that he likes those Licorice panties. Howard said they tried them but they tasted like chemicals. Howard said that he's not sure why they had skid marks on them after Gary tried them on. They wrapped up a short time later.
We heard a current clip of Dice talking about how great that first visit went. He said that it was great for both of them. Robin said that Dice was asked to come to Howard's birthday show a day later and he killed there too. She said she had a soft spot for him and really was upset when they got into their fight.
Dice said that you read stories about celebrities like that and things always become a horror. The drama that comes into everyone's lives is what does it.
They played an old K-Rock clip where Fred the Elephant Boy came in for the first time. Howard said that he's really not that bad looking and it was just his voice that was a problem. Howard had him trying to talk through his harmonizer but the thing wasn't working. Howard told Fred to try saying ''Hi honey, I've got 50 bucks.'' Fred did that. Howard said that's the way he gets girls so maybe Fred should try it.
Howard tried to get Fred to say some words correctly and had him repeating after him. Fred was doing okay with that but his voice was still messed up. Howard said that Fred isn't bad looking, although he's no Mel Gibson. Howard said that maybe there were some forceps stuck to his tongue from when he was born or something. Howard told Fred that maybe he should promise to just keep his mouth shut when he goes on a date.
Howard said that they were going to have some girls call in for him but the phones weren't lighting up yet. Howard said they would once they asked them to call in. We learned that Fred had never had a girl before so Howard was going to help hook him up with some girls. Howard said that he was going to hook Fred up with Angel and Bim. He said that he thinks that there are plenty of women out there who would like him. Howard said he was a nice guy.
Howard had Gary bring in the girls they had down there for Fred. Howard said that he hasn't even been kissed by a girl and that was a sin. Fred said that he had been kissed on the cheek but that was about it. Angel and her friend Jackie ended up coming in. Angel said that Bim didn't come in this time. She also said that Fred was a 7 out of 10. Howard said that his speech might be a little goofy but it's not that bad. Angel agreed with him about that.
Howard had the girls talk to Fred a little bit. Angel asked Fred how he feels about tattoos. Fred didn't care one way or the other about them. Howard had the girls give Fred a Bronsky where Fred gets to stick his had between their breasts. Howard said Fred seemed to be excited about that. Howard said the girls took their shirts off and gave him a Double Bronsky. Howard and the guys were laughing as Fred got the Bronsky. Howard asked Fred if that was a good experience for him. Fred was giggling so he must have been happy about what had just happened.
After that clip we heard Howard talking about how Fred must have been very happy to have come on the show and gotten the attention that he did. Jim Forbes said that Fred joined the Wack Pack along with some of the other wacky people who were already in the club. We heard Howard talking about 'Gina Man and 'Gina Girl and Crazy Jerry who brought the two of them on the show. Howard said they lost track of Jerry and they lost their guests 'Gina Man and 'Gina Girl. Howard said he was fascinated with retarded people and finding out how they live their lives. Howard said he likes characters and he doesn't care where they come from.
Next up we heard a K-Rock clip where Howard took a call from 'Gina Girl. He spent a short time talking to her but they didn't know what the hell she was talking about when she said something about dancing on Jackie's neck and then she'd throw in the word vagina. Gary came in and said that she has been calling the office for the past month. She's been making really vile suggestions for the Christmas show. Howard thought that it was Louise Ferrigno calling in with that weird speech impediment she had.
Howard said he'd like to hear this girl sing ''Kumbaya'' with Fred the Elephant Boy and the Tourette's girl. Howard's mother, Ray, called in a short time later so Howard had 'Gina Girl talk to her. Ray had no idea who it was and said that she just wanted to talk to Howard. 'Gina Girl told Howard she just wanted to do her 'Gina dance. Howard told his mother that it's getting harder and harder to find people to do the show. He said he had a girl on the phone who was just yelling out 'Gina. Howard's mother told him to find something better to do with this party he's going to be holding.
Ray said she wanted to come to the party but Howard told her to just sit home. He let her go a short time later and got back to 'Gina Girl. She kept saying she wanted to do her 'Gina Dance over and over again. Howard asked her what she does for a living. She said that she works in a mental institution helping people out with her 'Gina Dance. Howard wondered if she had normal intelligence. She claimed she did. 'Gina Girl had some trouble getting some of her comments out.
Robin asked who she looks like but she wasn't able to come up with an answer. Howard found out that 'Gina Girl lives in an apartment by herself. Howard asked if she was going to come in and dance for them. 'Gina Girl said she would and she would teach Robin how to dance too. She said she wanted to teach Howard too. 'Gina Girl said she's 33 but said ''Thirty fwee.'' That made Jackie laugh. Howard asked if her parents are still alive or did they kill themselves. She said that they are dead. Then they heard a scream from her boyfriend. Howard said that her parents must have died from embarrassment.
Howard told 'Gina Girl that they only wanted her to come to the party, not her boyfriend. Howard said that this might be worse than laughing at Larry Bud Melman. He said they have to do it and put her on hold to set her up to come to the party. Gary came in and asked if they're really going to let her come. Howard said she'd be coming and she was going to be his new producer. They went to break a short time later.
Next up we heard Jim Forbes talking about a show that caused many problems with the Stern Show back in 1988. A woman threatened to report them over what they do on the show. Fred said that they called this woman and had some fun at her expense and she ended up getting upset and she must have written to the FCC or someone and started to make a stink over the whole thing. That led to the news outlets picking up on the story and they started reporting on a story they hadn't even followed up on. Fred said that Howard really wasn't saying anything that bad but they turned it into something that was out of control.
We heard Howard talking about how some people think that his show is the end of society and they end up writing to the FCC trying to get him kicked off of radio. He said that they're entitled to their opinions but he's not sure what to say. He said he had to stop doing bits on the radio because of people like this woman.
That led into a K-Rock clip where Howard called this woman who had written to the show complaining about the content. Howard called the woman, Ann, and told her that she was on the air. Ann said that she had her radio on and she was afraid there would be some feedback. Howard said she must be senile or something. Howard asked her if she was. She said she's not senile and she's a graduate of Vasser college. Howard said that just means she's good at book learning.
Ann said that she called yesterday and said that she was talking about how Howard had asked if any Christians were listening to the show. Howard said that he never asked that. Ann said that she takes notes on the show and she knows what he talks about. She said that he should keep tapes because they may be subpoenaed some day.
Howard asked Ann when she started taking notes about the show. She read some notes she kept about this Christmas show he was planning and read off some of the people that they were going to have on. She didn't think that it was the right approach for a Christmas show. Howard asked her when she started listening to the show. She said it was the day before at 7:15 in the morning. She said that someone had turned her radio off of another station so she started listening. Howard asked who would do that to her. She said it was probably a casual visitor. She said it could have been a cleaning person.
Howard told Ann that he might have naked people at the party but there's a lot of sex and drinking going on at Christmas parties all over the place. Howard said that there's nothing wrong with that. Ann said that she's been to those parties and she doesn't like them. She then asked Howard if he belches during ''Kol nedre'' but Howard and Robin had no idea what she was talking about. Howard said that he would belch through it if he knew what it was.
Howard asked Ann what she's so afraid of with this Christmas party. He told her to go out and help the homeless if she's so worried about people. Ann was asking Howard if he would bring these people to a Hanukkah party like he's doing with the Christmas party. Howard told her to loosen up a little bit. Then Ann started to ramble on about BC and AD and quoted a bunch of bible nonsense. She said that it's obvious that Howard didn't want to have a discussion after that. Howard asked her how old she is. She said she's 65. Howard said it sounds like she's been living a secluded life.
Howard asked Ann why it matters how he celebrates his Christmas. Ann said that they were talking about some stuff they were going to be saying on the radio and she wondered what kind of standards they have on that show. Howard said he has standards. He said he doesn't do dick jokes all morning long. Howard said he doesn't talk about orgasms all morning, or maybe he does. That seemed to send a little jolt through the old broad.
Ann said that she sees why there are so many drop outs in school these days with radio shows like this one. Howard said that it must be their fault, it can't possibly be the parent's fault.
Howard said he thinks that Ann just wishes that she was young and that she could get spanked by him. Ann said that Howard is wrong about that. She said that she has no desire to do anything like that. Ann then said that she's going to write down all of this stuff that she has heard him talking about and send it to a local news station. Howard said that he was shaking in his pants. Ann said that he will find out how many people will be willing to listen to his show after this. She said that he's been on the air far too long after Howard told her that they had been on for 8 years.
Howard told Ann to write down some more stuff and told her that he's going to have some homosexuals come on the show and sing Christmas song parodies while they're naked. Howard told her about some other stuff he's going to do and talked about a guy who was supposed to come on and dangle bells from his penis. He had canceled on them though.
Howard asked Ann if she's ever been married. Ann said she hadn't been married at all and she told Howard about the tough life she had gone through. Howard figured that she had never been with a man physically. Ann said that was none of his damn business. Howard said he had to get a handle on her so he had to ask about that stuff.
Ann said that she was going to send letters to the people at Aste Spumanti because they were going to use that as a lubricant to get people started. Robin said that goes on all the time. Ann said that drinking can lead to people like Joel Steinberg abusing little children. Howard told Ann that his kids will grow up stronger than most kids that go to church every Sunday.
Howard told Ann that he's going to ban her from listening to the rest of the show. He said he was going to put a voo doo hex on her and that will mean the end of her. He put the hex on her while she was still on the phone. Howard went into his Satan voice and did that. Ann told Howard she hopes that he enjoys his high salary because she's not sure how much longer it's going to last. Howard continued to do his Satan thing and asked Ann what she thinks about that. Ann said that his intern asked her yesterday if she would talk to Howard.
Ann said she thought she was going to be able to have a discussion because Howard is the only one talking. She said that Howard isn't able to have a lucid conversation. Howard told her that her thinking is old fashioned and out dated and she's the kind of person who raises a Joel Steinberg because of the way she thinks. Howard said she's out of touch with reality and her mind is so embalmed with whacko thoughts. He said that she's thinking it's going to mean the end of their society if they hear people talking about naked people.
Howard said he hopes that they'll be rid of her soon. Ann said that's lovely and she would love to have a tape copy of this morning's program. Howard told her that no one is going to give her a copy. She said that she will write to Senator Bill Bradley and ask him to get her a copy. Howard said he was shaking in his pants after that. He asked her what she thinks she's going to do with it. She said she just wants documentation of what's been going on. Howard told her to wake up and smell the coffee and just change the dial.
Ann said that she pays her taxes and she will write to the FCC who manages this ''electromagnet spectrum'' that's limited. Howard told her she needs a boyfriend. Howard asked if there is anyone desperate enough to date this woman. He said that someone needs to get her to live it up out there and breathe some fresh air. Howard told her to get outside and live it up a little bit. Ann said that Howard has a one track mind and it's all ''Howard Stern.'' Howard said maybe she should go out and try to help some people instead of worrying about what's on the radio. Howard told her to go do some good and wash the feet of AIDS patients or something. Howard said maybe she needs an hour with Robin's boyfriend. Robin can barely make it into work after a night with him. Howard eventually let Ann go and suggested that she go help some people. Howard said that the old woman in the shoe was more than a fairy tale.
Jim Forbes talked about how the Christmas party went on as planned after that. We heard Scott the Engineer talking about how crazy 'Gina Girl was on the show. He said it was kind of disgusting and this guy Crazy Jerry would tell these slow adults what to do and she would do anything he said.
We heard a clip from the Christmas show where Howard was talking to 'Gina Girl and asking her what she was going to do. 'Gina Girl was going to do her 'Gina Dance for them. Howard asked what was going to happen and wondered if he'd be watching her or Bo the Lesbian or someone else.
Howard spoke to Jerry about 'Gina Girl but he quickly asked him to sit down because he was kind of out of control. Howard had 'Gina Girl do her dance a short time later. She said she had to dance to Monkberry Moon Delight so Howard played that for her. 'Gina Girl started dancing as soon as it came on. She stripped down and Howard had to ask her to put her clothes back on because people were ready to vomit. Howard said that the show had gone to hell. Howard said that the lesbian wanted a guy after seeing that.
We heard Jim Forbes talking about how that show brought the end of the Stern Show's freedom to an end. Tom Chiusano said that it was the first FCC complaint about that show that became the jumping off point for the indecency problems.
Robin said that Howard used to have these crazy people on the show back then and it seemed so innocent at the time when this guy said he was going to play the Christmas song on a piano with his penis. Tom said that the guy was in the bathroom trying to keep himself erect to make sure he could play the piano. Tom said he told Gary that he just couldn't have that going on there in the bathroom. He said he had to maintain a certain climate there and that's what led to the first FCC complaint and then him monitoring the show constantly.
Fred said that at the time they didn't think it was that big of a deal. Fred said that people didn't know if he was really doing it or not. He could have been playing with his elbow or nose or not playing at all. He said they could have been playing a sound effect.
They went into the K-Rock clip where Howard had this guy come in to play the piano with his penis. The guy came in and started to play the piano right away. He played ''Jingle Bells'' a little bit and screwed up some of the notes. Howard said that they were going to hell after seeing that. The guy played for about 10 seconds before Howard made him stop.
In a current clip we heard Fred saying that he remembers walking out of the studio thinking it was just a fun show that they had done. He said there were one or two people out there who got upset about them having fun on that Christmas show thinking that it's all about Jesus. Fred said that maybe it would have been different if they had picked a different holiday. He said when you bring up Jesus and Virgin Mary it's a completely different thing.
Howard talked about the way people reacted to the things that he did and how they made him more famous by reporting him. Howard said that playing the piano with a penis isn't that wild. He wasn't doing it for shock value, he just thought it was dumb and fun stuff they were doing. Howard said he spoke to management about that and found it shocking that they found it to be that wild. Howard said it wasn't a big deal to him.
Jim Forbes said they were going to close the show with one of the FCC's favorite musical performances from December 16, 1988. They played a clip from the show where a group, the Fruits of the Loom, sang a parody of ''Walking in a Winter Wonderland'' that was about some gay stuff. They ended today's show around 11:30am.
Robin read through more of the story and said that Simpson's wife ran to the gate when the cops showed up to let them know what was going on. Meanwhile OJ ran to his car and drove away. OJ was charged with one count of Spousal Battery but his wife wants the charges dropped now. Howard said that a lot of these guys become rich and fall in love with the white women.
That led to Howard talking about how it was Black History Month so he's going to speak out. Howard said that black men might want to get a black woman because they'll get into less trouble doing that.
Next up we heard a current clip of Billy West talking about Robin and how great he found her to be on the show. Billy said she kept it honest in a cool kind of way on the show.
We heard another K-Rock clip of Robin doing some more news and telling Howard about a study that was done about homosexual men and how the percentage of the American men who are homosexuals is lower than they thought. They also said that there are many men who have had homosexual encounters. That led to Howard talking about having sword fights as a kid and he thinks that every man has had those experiences.
Howard asked Jackie if he's ever had that homosexual experience. Jackie said he can remember getting into wrestling matches and getting that weird tingle when you're doing that. Howard said that Fred wouldn't admit to it even if he had one. Fred said he never did and he would admit it if he had. Howard said he would never admit to it. Fred said that he would.
Howard asked Gary if he ever had any homosexual experiences. Gary said he hadn't. Howard said that he had to have. Gary said he never did. He said he heard rumors about guys doing stuff when he was at camp but nothing himself.
Howard told a story about having a touching incident with another boy when he was young. Howard said he's no homo. The other kid had him touch him and he stopped immediately. Howard said he knew it was wrong. There was another incident where a friend of his asked him if he wanted to touch him when they were talking about beating off. Howard said if he was homo he would have done it back then. Howard said the other guy asked him if he wanted to help him out masturbating and he turned that down. Howard said his finger never went in anyone's butt like Jackie has.
Jackie told a story about going to Boy Scout camp when he was a kid and one of the guys at the camp asked him if he wanted to touch him. Jackie said he offered him a dollar a minute to help him out.
Gary had a story to tell after hearing the Jackie story. Gary said he wasn't sure he wanted to tell it because his mother was listening. Gary said that he didn't want to say who the person was but he was an older guy. Gary was about 7 or 8 at the time. The other guy was probably 14. He said the guy asked him to help him out masturbating. Gary said he walked over and realized it was wrong about 2 seconds in and walked out. Robin said that they're all gay in there.
Gary said the guy he had the thing with was someone he looked up to so that kind of freaked him out. Howard said that Robin had quoted that article and it turns out they're all wrong. He said he thinks that every guy has had an experience like that.
Howard asked the guys if they wanted to go down to the Homo Room with him. Robin said that she really opened up a can of worms with that story. Howard had Fred open up the Homo Room with some sound effects. Fred was having some trouble finding the right door opening sound effect. Howard told him to pry it open because they had a lot of stories to tell.
Fred eventually got the door open and asked Fred to play the walking down the steps clip. Fred didn't have that one available. Howard pretended to walk down instead. Even Robin was down in the Homo Room talking to everyone.
Howard had Jackie tell another story. Jackie said he was at Michigan State in one of the buildings there doing a class or something. He said he was alone in the classroom working on a project and there was a whirlpool bath there. Jackie said that there was a guy hanging around there and he didn't think much of it. He said he got in the bath and then all of a sudden he was getting his shoulder rubbed. Jackie said he yelled at the guy to get the hell out of there. The guy said he acted like a girl being rejected when he told him to get out of there. Jackie said he almost got out of the pool and smacked him.
Gary then told the story about the guy who wanted to have an experience with him when he was older. Gary said he was working at this store and the guy asked him if he would ever let a man perform acts on him. The guy told him that just because you do gay stuff with a guy doesn't make you a homosexual. Howard asked Fred if he had a story yet. Fred was ''upstairs'' and didn't want to come in. Howard pretended to go upstairs, opened the door and asked Fred if he had anything yet. Fred said he had nothing.
Howard said he felt much better after that and started to head out of the Homo Room. Then Jackie started to laugh and told another story. Jackie said this wasn't homo, this was tradition.
Jackie said that he and his friends used to head up to the rich section of town and they'd walk back in this valley. He said that every time they went to a party over there they would never have sex with anyone, they'd just be talking about what they wished they could have done. They'd just stop on the side of the hill in the valley and finish themselves off. He said it was right on the side of the road and one time his aunt drove by and saw him there so she stopped. Jackie said that he got up with his pants down and stood up. Howard had to cut him off there and said he had to get out of the Homo Room.
Gary said that Kimberly Taylor has a great body. He was trying to change the subject. Howard said that Jackie story was something else. He asked Robin if she was glad she brought up that news story. Howard said that no one had stories at first and then everyone started to remember all of these things. He goofed on Jackie about the stories he was telling and the stuff that Gary was talking about.
That led into a K-Rock clip where Howard called Axl Rose from Guns N Roses while he was staying at some hotel. Howard had the room number and he actually got him on the line. Howard sounded surprised when he actually picked up. Axl didn't seem that upset about getting the call either. Howard figured Axl was there with a girl but Axl said he wasn't. Howard told Axl that he's been supporting them all along while other people haven't.
Howard asked Axl if he ever had Jessica Hahn. Axl didn't but he said Slash used her as a spittoon and actually spit on her. Howard asked Axl if he gets a lot of chicks. Axl said that he gets a lot of crazy people. He said they rarely last more than 24 hours.
Axl asked Howard how he got his number. Howard said that a listener sent it to him. He asked Axl when he's going to come on his show. Axl said he didn't know. Howard asked him if he's worth millions. Axl said it's not as much as he thinks. He was telling Howard to figure about $1 per album and they'd sold like 7.5 million. Howard said that it wasn't quite as much as he was figuring.
Howard and Axl spent a few minutes talking about the deals that they can make in the record business and how they have to split up the money in the band. Axl was also telling Howard some stories about the chicks he's been with. Howard said that they're all living a great life and they can have any women they want.
Howard figured that Axl has had 3 women at once. Axl pretty much confirmed it but he said that someone always gets pissed off when you have that many at the same time. Howard said that he's pretty famous himself but he's never had that. Axl said that the women always get upset when you look at other women. Those women don't pass the 24 hour test.
Axl told Howard that it was his birthday that day. They were talking about getting tattoos done and stuff like that. Howard wrapped up with Axl and told him to come in there sometime and he'll whip out the guitars and they'll perform some songs. Howard said he had to let him go a short time later. He thanked him for coming on and let him go. Howard and Robin were surprised how long he stayed on the phone. They said they weren't even looking for that. They figured that he would just hang up on them. Stuttering John was in there and Howard said John thought he put that together for them but he really just passed him the note with the number on it.
We heard from intern Jackie after that and she was saying that she and John used to bicker a lot in the office but it was all harmless.
They went into a K-Rock clip where Howard was talking to John about the way he treats Jackie there. He said that there's a lot of sexual teasing going on there. They even share a chair sometimes. Gary said that he thinks that Jackie likes teasing John there in the office. Howard said that he doesn't get why she would be into John when she could be into him instead. Howard said he and John have the same hair.
Howard asked John why he doesn't just say something to Jackie and let her know that he's into her. Gary said that they don't have much room in the office and the interns always jump into it when John vacates it. They used to have that with Mitch the intern. The other interns would jump into it as soon as Mitch would get up and then they refuse to get out.
Jackie the Intern came in and said that she and John are just friends. Howard said he finds it odd that John doesn't just tell her that he likes her. Robin thought he had. Jackie said that John had said something to her asking her when they're going to go out. Jackie said that she tells him that they're just friends. Howard said that they hardly work together, they just fight over a chair in the office. Jackie also said that John gives her a ''daily hug'' when they see each other. Howard said that John should just tell her that he wants to be with her and let her know that he wants to make something happen. Jackie made it seem like he had.
Howard said he thinks that it's John's stutter that keeps her from going out with her. Jackie said that's not it at all. She said that he doesn't stutter that much. Howard said she must be deaf.
Robin told Jackie to tell them what she told her. She wouldn't do it so Robin said that Jackie had said ''We're from two different worlds.'' Howard said he's heard stuff like that and it really hurts. Howard went on to say that he always thought he had a good personality and his looks shouldn't have mattered that much. Now that he's had time to think about that, he doesn't even believe that he has a good personality. Howard said he's miserable and won't even let his wife sit in the same room when he's watching the movies he watches on the weekends. Howard told John to calm down with all of his stuff.
We heard Richard talking about how he would always deny that stuff on the show and it was so much fun going on with Howard.
After that we heard a K-Rock clip where Richard showed up in the nun's outfit. Howard asked Richard why he showed up dressed like that. Everyone was laughing their asses off at Richard showing up like that. Richard started to sing ''Amazing Grace'' while they were talking about that. Richard told Howard it was Ash Wednesday and he's half catholic himself so he was going to try and save Howard.
Richard went on to tell Howard that he wants to save him because of the things that he's made fun of on the show over the past year. Howard goofed on everything Richard was doing and told him to take off that nun's outfit.
Robin said that she knows that Richard walked out of the studio the last time he was on and insulted one of the women there. Richard said that's not true. Robin said that one of the secretaries told her that she was in the hall when Richard was leaving and Richard said something about her flowered dress. She said that Richard looked at her and said ''Oh my god! Look at all those flowers!'' Richard denied doing that. Howard said that Richard is meaner than he lets on.
Richard asked Howard about calling one of his friends when they were on the last time. This woman was 900 pounds and down to 800 when Howard spoke to her last. She's down to 295 pounds now. Robin said that she's still huge. Richard asked her to stop with that. Howard asked Richard how much the other leg weighed. Richard got up to walk out. Howard told Richard to sit down.
Howard told Robin that since it was Ash Wednesday, they were going to go out and put cigarette ashes on people's foreheads. Richard said that wasn't right. Howard said they do that every year.
Richard kept trying to tell Howard about some of the people he works with. Howard told Richard to stop with the fat people every minute. Howard told Robin to tell Richard how she wanted to talk out of the Legs Diamond show that Richard took her to. Richard kept telling Howard to stop with that stuff.
Howard asked to see Richard's schlong. Richard told him to stop again. He went on to say that he has a salad dressing coming out and it's one calorie per spray. Howard asked if he ripped off that idea or if it was his own. Richard threatened to walk out again. Howard was goofing on Richard's new spray dressing and Richard was about to walk out. Howard played some music in the background as Richard was telling these stories and making it more dramatic. Howard asked Richard if he had ever humped a priest. Richard threw down his headphones and walked out. They went to break after that.
Howard said that Sam had some serious problems. He said that he'd be out driving with him and he'd fill them in that he had taken 50 pills. Howard said he was an exciting guy to know and he knows he gave the fans some exciting radio. Howard said he hasn't seen anyone like Sam since then. He said he misses him and he would have liked to have seen what he was going to do next.
We heard from Penn Jillette talking about how amazing it was that Howard does the show the way he does while he's sober. He said that so many other guys on the radio have to do it while they're fucked up. Penn said that it was pretty wonderful working with Howard back in the days when he was coming on 3 days in a row at times.
Jim Forbes said that one day the guys drove Judy Tenuta right off the show one day. Jackie the Joke Man talked about how they did rail against Judy but she can take it. He said that everyone is full of shit in the business so maybe she walked out to help out her career.
After that we heard a K-Rock clip (February 15, 1989) where Judy Tenuta showed up while Sam Kinison, Pat McCormick, Chuck McCann, Jack Ryan and Penn Jillette were in the studio. Howard told Judy she's getting better and better looking to him. Judy said that he's never going to get her. Howard said that he thinks that he wants to sleep with her.
Howard introduced Judy to the guys and tried talking to her about Emo Phillips. Sam kept interrupting her so Judy told him to stop interrupting her. Sam was goofing on Judy a little bit and said that he has been ignoring women in comedy for some time now so he wasn't paying attention to her.
Howard brought up Emo again and tried asking her about him but Sam was making fun of the guy and it was hard to talk to Judy. Judy seemed to be getting upset about it as they were doing that. Howard said that Judy has a great body but she disguises it with the clothes she wears.
Sam said that Robin had the biggest tits he's ever seen and said that they're like the size of his ass. Howard asked Judy if she would date anyone out there or is she picky. Judy said that she won't date just anyone.
Howard said he had to start the news after that. He was trying to get into that but Sam was goofing on Judy and telling her not to expect her femininity to save her. Sam told Judy that he's found it impossible to live with women as love mates. Howard said he thought there was some sexual tension there. Sam said that must be what it is. He said that Emo must have been a real disappointment in her life. Judy shot back and said that at least she doesn't go to day care centers to find her dates.
Sam continued to go off on Judy and threatened to tell some story about something that had gone out in Denver. Judy said that he's making stuff up. Sam said ''Oh yeah... I'm Mr. Bluff...'' Sam wouldn't let up on Judy and Howard told her that he's not going to give up until Judy sleeps with him. Sam said that Penn could make Emo disappear.
After an edited out break we heard Howard and Penn doing a card trick and Penn telling Judy to take off her top. Judy got up and walked out of the studio after that. Howard wondered what had just happened. Sam told Judy that because of her she'll never joke again. Sam asked her to come back but he said that she's a ''focus pig'' and she was stealing the focus of the show. Gary said that she was nervous about coming in with all of the guys in there.
Sam said it was just an easy way for Judy to get out of there. Robin said that Judy was very upset with the guys. Sam said that if you can't take the heat then you get out of the kitchen. Robin said that she was upset about what they were saying about her. Sam said that she should be able to take it. Howard said he didn't even sense that she was upset. He said he must be out of it. Robin said that she didn't think it was real until she went out into the hall.
Sam continued to goof on Judy saying that maybe it was PMS that caused her to walk out. Sam said that was a very sexist thing to say but laughed at himself for saying it. Penn said that he was going nuts because of Sam and it was all coming down on him because of something Sam had said. Penn was getting all pissed and pretended to walk off the show because of it.
Sam told a story about meeting Judy out in Denver one time. He said that he thought she was funny and went back to make his move on her in the back room. Sam said that he made out with her a little bit back there and there may have been some other stuff going on but they didn't go all that far. Sam said that Emo must love hearing this stuff. Sam said that all he had done was kiss her. Howard asked if he got second base. Sam said he didn't.
Howard wondered why Judy walked out. Sam said he thinks that she was outclassed in the comedy world. Robin said she thinks that she felt ganged up on. Robin said Judy said that she had made a big mistake by coming in. Gary said she was upset about the sexual stuff and she left there crying. Howard wondered if they had lost her because of that. Sam said that she must have other problems and she's just using this as an excuse.
In the clip Howard used his megaphone to ask Elaine about why she didn't want to be on his show. He said ''yeah, you're so funny...'' and a guy walked over and told Howard ''So's your face!'' There was a bit of a scuffle and Gary said that he had gotten hit in the face. Gary said that he didn't hit anyone, the guy hit him first and called the guy an unfunny piece of shit.
Howard said that the guy had come over and socked him in the nose, shoved the megaphone in his face and then threw a punch at Gary. Gary said that there was no security there. Howard asked Gary if he was okay. Gary said he was okay. Howard said he got hit in the face with a bullhorn. Gary said he took a shot for Howard. That guy was Elaine's manager. Robin said that it's no wonder she's not funny, that guy has no sense of humor.
Howard said that one of their listeners there had helped out with the fight. Howard said Jackie was busy scribbling notes and writing jokes while that went down. Howard said that was a weird thing that just went down. He said it was unprovoked and he didn't know what was going on. Gary said that he thought someone would have come over and helped him control that guy. He said no one came to his aid.
Howard wondered if they could sue that guy. Howard said that he had thrown a soda on him when he was leaving. Gary thought that the guy had pulled out one of his ear rings.
Gary said that the guy was probably going to come over and tell them not to bother with Elaine but when he pulled out his megaphone it set them all off. Howard said that this was radio history and they had just had a war.
After the clip we heard Gary talking about how he remembers seeing blood on the guy's nose back then because their listener had a bracelet on with studs on it that may have cut him. Gary said that they had something good going on there and Howard didn't want to let go of it.
Then we heard another K-Rock clip where Howard had his paperwork for the court case he was going to file against Elaine Boosler over what had gone on at Grammy Week. Howard said he can't lose this case. He said that there's nothing to lose by doing this. He said that he can only gain.
Howard read the paperwork that he had where they mentioned names and what went on at the Grammy Week thing. Howard said that he was specifying damages in the suit and read through that stuff for Robin.
Next we heard Gary talking about how there were no lawsuits that ever came out of that whole thing. Gary said that he had a video camera back then and didn't get that on tape that day. He said he was so bummed that he didn't get it. They played a Baba Booey clip after Gary said that. Then they went to break a short time later.
Howard said that some women had better show up or he's just going to play records and go home. Howard said that he's luck to get any women down there after being able to make it happen in the past. Robin said that maybe it's the way they treat women when they come in. Howard said he thought they were treating them just fine. Howard told Robin to interrupt him if he is out of line... if they actually get any women.
After a fast forward we heard Howard talking about the St. Patrick's Day celebration they were doing. They had Rachel the Spanker coming in and a guy who brought in his kid and his girlfriend. Howard said he wasn't going to paint her breasts in front of the kid. Howard said Rachel already had her breasts painted.
Howard said the kid was only like 5 years old. He asked Gary what he was doing. Howard asked the boyfriend to maybe take the kid out of there. Gary said that maybe the guy should take the kid out and they can do the painting then. Howard said maybe Gary should have worked this out before he brought them in. Howard said Gary doesn't think and he takes everything for granted.
Howard spoke to the woman who brought the kid in. He said that she had quite a body on her. Howard spent a little time talking to her and asked Gary for the paint. Gary told him where it was and then Howard asked what the girls wanted painted on their breasts. One girl suggested a heart. Howard said that he could do it but the paint was in a Dixie cup and a coffee cup full of paint.
The girls took off their tops and Howard did his painting. Howard said that people have to go into radio because of stuff like this.
We heard Gilbert talking about getting that part and how he thinks he got it because of being on Howard's show so much. Gilbert said that there's something about Stern that gets him some help because club owners would always ask him if he was doing ''Stern'' when he'd do appearances.
They played a K-Rock clip where Howard talked about his audition for Dice's movie and how that went. Howard said he had never auditioned in his life before. He quickly talked about what went on there at the audition. Gilbert was sitting in and talked about how he got the part after Howard had auditioned for it. Howard said that this guy Renny had turned down ''Aliens III'' to direct Dice's movie. Howard said that's what Dice believes anyway. Howard didn't think that was actually the case and the guy didn't turn down the Aliens movie for this Dice thing.
Howard said that the director talked on the phone through the whole audition. Gilbert said the guy did that for him too. Howard told Gilbert about the electrocution scene that he did and how he had to scream like he was being electrocuted. Gilbert said he didn't get that far into it. Howard said he thought he was on Candid Camera or something while the audition was going on.
Howard was goofing on the script saying that there was a line in the script where he yells out ''I'm being electrocuted'' and if you were being electrocuted, you wouldn't be yelling anything out like that. Howard asked Gilbert if he did the audition as himself. Gilbert said he did. Howard said that Gilbert is much different on the phone than he is in person. He said his voice is much deeper and he's much more serious. Howard goofed on Gilbert about that for a short time and did an impression of him talking to him about the movie role.
They went into a K-Rock clip where Howard was talking about some interviews that Stuttering John was going to be doing. they were going to send him down to interview Fred Gwynn so he could ask him about his art work and being so tall. Howard read through some of the questions they were going to send him out with. He figured that John would get kicked right out of the event when he asked the questions.
After that clip we heard John talking about how nice Fred Gwynn was and how his publicist told him not to ask any questions about The Munsters. John said he lied and said that none of them would be about the Munsters. Meanwhile they were all about The Munsters. John said that he knew the interview was going to be good. He said that he was so happy when Howard played the interviews and loved them. Jackie said that they would hear the tapes along with the audience and it was great.
Next up we heard the K-Rock clip where Howard was playing the interview that John had gotten with Fred Gwynn at the opening of his art show. John asked Gwynn a couple of softball questions at first and then hit him with questions like ''Do you sign your pictures Fred Gwynn or Herman Munster?'' Gwynn says that he's going to pretend that he didn't hear that question. Robin asked for a replay of that one. Howard played it again and got some laughs from the crew. Howard wondered how he got to the next 9 questions.
Howard played the tape and John asked Gwynn ''How's Lilly?'' Gwynn said he doesn't really keep in touch with the people from the show. Howard said he had to take breaks because it was too embarrassing to listen to the whole thing all the way through. John got out the question ''Do you have a problem getting off the green make up at all?'' Howard said he thought they took that one out. He said that would have been the last one if he had been there. Howard told John to stick to the script from now on and not go off the list and the order they have.
Howard said he knew what was coming up and he had to get down on the floor for that one. John asked Gwynn ''Did Vincent Van Gough ever dress like Frankenstein?'' Gwynn didn't get the question. John explained it to him and said that at one time Gwynn did that. Gwynn asked John if he thought he had. John said he didn't have the foggiest idea. Gwynn said he didn't either.
After that we heard a current clip of Howard talking about how he had to get this stuff cataloged and taken care of but the station had no desire to do that. He said he hired an archivist, Dana, who said she could do it. Howard said that she was studying archival stuff and she suggested saving everything, including news articles and stuff like that. Howard said that he realized he should save a lot of the stuff and they developed a whole plan to do this. She also knew this woman Laura Lackner that could help out.
We heard from Laura who was saying that she heard from her friend Dana who asked her about this part time job that was supposed to last like 3 months at the most. Laura figured that she would do it and she went out and met Howard at this pool house. She had no idea who Howard was at the time. Howard had even turned to her and asked her if she had any idea who he was. She didn't but she ended up being hired days later.
Howard said that Laura has been with him for over 20 years and she's like part of the family now. Howard said that she used to work at his house on Long Island and she got to know the whole family. She eventually got to be more corporate and moved the stuff to the city. Howard said that the fans have no idea how important she really is to the show. Howard said she's been a great joy to have in his life.
Laura said that she was asked to leave her other job and work for him full time when he was working on his book. She said that she eventually left her other job and stuck with Howard after that. Laura said she likes staying behind the scenes and doing her job. She said that Howard's life has really changed over the years but they're still together and hanging in there.
After that we heard a K-Rock clip where Howard played some 'Gina Man audio clips and said that they were going to be talking to him later on. Howard said he was doing his impressions of Jackie the Joke Man and some of the guys on the station. Howard played one clip where the guy says he wants ''Pussy juice on his helmet.'' Howard wondered how that got by the censoring. Gary said Scott must have missed it. Scott came in and said that he did miss it and he must not have known what he was saying. Howard figured Scott thought he was saying ''pushy Jews.''
Howard played more of the audio and said that he wants to hire this guy to do impressions on the show. He said that might be their 'Gina girl replacement. The guy would say people's names from Howard's show and just go on laughing like a mental patient. He would give himself names like Bunions Toenailsen and things like that. Then the guy identified himself as 'Gina Man. They went to break after that clip.
We heard from Howard who said that they did straighten all of that out eventually but he wasn't looking forward to them playing the audio in this special. Robin said that the feud was kind of rough back then and Sam Kinison was trying to help them out.
We heard from Jon Bon Jovi who said that he met Sam at a recording session and that eventually led to them hanging out at shows and stuff.
They played a K-Rock clip of Howard playing tape of Jon Bon Jovi introducing Sam at a concert they were doing one time. Howard then wondered what was going on with Sam opening up for them. Howard then went off on Jon about not doing his show and how they could have appeased him by just coming in and apologizing to him.
After a fast forward we heard Sam Kinison coming in with his guys. Howard said he liked the look that Sam had going on there. Sam said he wanted to get into the Bon Jovi thing and said he knows that he's in a spot. Howard said he had the phone number and they could call Jon and ask him what's going on there. Sam said they should start with David Bryan and move up from there. Howard asked how his hair weave was the night before. Sam didn't say.
Howard continued to goof on the band while Sam said that he thinks that the fans should make the decision on whether or not they should make up. Howard and Robin were also saying that they really don't have anything against David Bryan because he's really a nice guy. It was Jon that they had a problem with.
Howard played some audio from the last time Sam was on the show when he talked about his issues with Bon Jovi. Sam was saying that he wouldn't associate himself with the band until they worked out their thing with Howard. That turned out not to be the case.
We heard a current clip of Fred talking about how they all turned their backs on Howard back then. Fred said that Sam came on the show one morning and said he was going to work something out. Gary said that Sam told them that he had the gift of all time and he was going to get Jon in there the next day and they were going to work the whole thing out.
They went into a K-Rock clip where Sam said that he was going to bring in the band the next day. Sam was saying that he had been hanging out with Jon and they were listening to the show as he was telling Howard this stuff. Howard said that he finds it strange that Jon ended up marrying his high school sweetheart. Howard said that you can get laid being a rock star and he ends up marrying that chick. Howard said he thinks those guys dissed him and that was wrong.
Sam said that as of last September things were alright with them. Sam said that Jon came in and did the ''Wild Thing'' with him and they let him work with them at Giants Stadium. Sam said that he knows Howard loves this kind of radio and he's going to make this deal. Sam said that he knew coming into the gig on Saturday night that he was going to have to do this. Sam was on Howard's show the day before and he had to go to this after show party. The band didn't think he stood up for them that much. They said that Howard is the only one who gets to give his side of the story. Sam said he asked the band if they would come in and let him act as a referee. Sam said that he wanted them to work it out on the air. Howard said that's fine with him.
Howard told Sam that he will sit down with them on the air tomorrow. Sam said they were standing by on the phone right now. Howard said he'd have to ask his record company if he can do that. That made Sam laugh when he stared doing an impression of Jon talking to the record company.
Howard said that he will talk to the band but he knows that they're going to be lame with their excuses. Sam said that it will make for great radio though and everyone will be listening. Sam said that he had David's phone number and gave that to Howard to call. Howard called David Bryan and told him that he never had a problem with him. David said that they will come in tomorrow and do this. Howard wanted them at 8 o'clock but David was talking 9 or 10. They agreed to do it at 8:30. Howard asked him not to diss him by coming in at 9:45 or something David said that they're all going to come in, the whole band.
Howard suggested that if they do work things out then they should have a big concert there in the studio. Sam asked David if that was cool with him. David was cool with it. Howard said that he was ready to do it then. Sam said it will be radio history when it goes down. Sam said this wasn't rigged or anything and it was going to be great.
Howard told David that he was there for the band in the early days and he wants them to be there for him. David said that they would be in the next day. Sam was talking it up like it was going to be huge. Howard said he was going to go home and sleep in preparation of this whole thing.
After that clip we heard from Jackie the Intern about what was going on back then and how much energy there was around that whole thing. Gary said that he was getting the press to come down and had set up a lot of stuff for the press so they'd know the history of what had gone down.
Then we heard another K-Rock clip where Howard was talking up what they were going to be doing that day with the fight and how they were going to let the press in at 8 o'clock. They'd have the press in the press conference room. Howard read some of the names of the people who were going to be coming in for the press conference. All of the big magazines and newspapers were supposed to show up. Then the band was supposed to show up at 8:30.
Howard said a bunch of teenage girls were calling them trying to get in on this whole thing. He said he might let a few of the girls come in so that might be cool. Howard said that Sam Kinison is coming in and he said he was bringing in Sean Penn. Robin said she thought he was saying it was just someone of his stature and not the actual guy. Howard said Sam told him that he could get Sean on the show.
Howard talked about how prepared he has been to tell these guys what he thinks about the way they treated him. Howard said that he has good cause for reacting the way he did.
We heard a current clip of Gary talking about how they had the press there and Sam Kinison didn't show up and they realized that they had gotten fucked. Robin said that just created more animosity and threw more fuel on the fire.
They played another K-Rock clip where Howard talked about how they were being dissed by the band again and also by Sam Kinison. Howard said that really wasn't like Sam to do something like that. Howard said the band knows that they can't come in after 9 because the show is pretty much over by then. Gary came in and told Howard that they still weren't there and it was 11 after 9. Gary said he knew that they were coming up because someone ran into Doc McGee out on the street and he told the guy that the band were definitely coming up.
Howard goofed on Doc McGee a little bit and then said he'd had it with those guys. Howard did an announcer thing like he was doing the Wild World of Sports and called it as he saw it. Howard said that it all went wrong when Bon Jovi got famous and then started to get into details and goofed on the band and talked about how he was all burned up over it. He was calling it the ''War on the 4th Floor.'' Howard then threw in a bunch of digs at Jon Bon Jovi and Sam Kinison.
Howard asked Gary if anyone had shown up. Gary said that no one was there. Howard was pissed at Sam and the band now. He told Gary to kick them out if they did show up. Howard said they were making him look like a fool. Howard said Sam should go to the Brother Dweeze show if that's the way he's going to act.
After that we heard from Fred about how no one showed up that day. Jessica Hahn said that she knows that Sam wanted to get Bon Jovi in there and he really was trying to help out but it didn't work. Jessica said that it was a big deal to Howard when that went down.
Gary said that when Sam fucked them over it was shocking and they really couldn't believe it. Howard said that they had a falling out for a couple of years after that. Howard said that they thought it was funny to do that to him and he ended up blowing his stack.
They went into another K-Rock clip where Howard, Robin and Gary were all talking about what was going on. Gary said he wanted to hear Sam say that he had burned them. Howard said that he was sitting there with a knot in his stomach and he can't believe this is happening. Gary said he really didn't want to go out and tell the press that they had been burned.
Jackie said that this is like finding out that a friend was killed in an accident. Howard said that it is and Sam is dead to him now. He said that he was getting really close to Sam but Bon Jovi he wasn't that close to. Howard said he did a lot of things for Sam like introducing him to Leslie West. Howard said that Sam used Leslie and also used Jessica Hahn. He said that he threw her away like he did with them. Howard said that he digs people like Belzer who are loyal to his show. Howard said he was ready to go home after being dissed. He knows that he's going to hear from everyone today about what went on.
Howard said that Sam should just wait and see the power he has with this radio show. He suggested that he fans go out and chant Dice Clay's name at Sam's Rascal's show. Howard said that they should scream ''Dice Forever, Troll Never.'' Howard said that Sam was his friend but now he's dissed him and it's over. Howard said that Bon Jovi isn't going to help him sell out his comedy shows.
Gary came in and said that he had some hate faxes. Howard read through some of those. The fans were pissed about what was going on and they said they were all behind Howard. They were bashing Sam and Bon Jovi in the faxes. Howard had to end the show and said that he felt really weird and bizarre. Howard said they'll see how Sam does selling out his shows now.
Next up we heard a current clip of Gary talking about how Sam was too embarrassed to come in after the band didn't show up. He didn't think that it was going to turn into that big of a deal that day. Scott the Engineer said that Howard didn't take kindly to that whole thing. He said that Howard didn't give up on Bon Jovi and it was brutal.
Jon Bon Jovi said that he knew nothing about what was going on back then and had nothing to do with that day so he figures it was just a big misunderstanding. Jessica Hahn said that it was like back stabbing Howard and that wasn't cool with Howard. She said that you don't say you're going to do something that big and not show up.
They played another K-Rock clip where Howard was talking about the way Sam had dissed him. Stuttering John said he had someone on the phone who saw Sam last night at Rascals and asked him about what had gone on. Howard said Sam really dissed him. He took the call and the caller told him that he had gone to the 8 o'clock show and the fans were chanting ''Howard'' and ''Dice'' during Sam's show.
The caller said that what he was going to tell him next was going to make him mad. He said that Alan Stevens came out and said ''Screw Howard Stern, he's a jerk..'' Then Sam came out later and said that he couldn't believe that he was surrounded by Howard Stern fans. The caller said that Sam said that Howard is just on the radio and he thinks that he makes everyone's career but he doesn't.
The caller said Sam claimed that he could sell out that place with or without Howard. The guy was also saying that Sam was saying that Howard can't help him out anymore and Bon Jovi was taking him to Russia. Howard wondered what was going on with Sam and couldn't believe this was happening. Howard started to go off on Sam after hearing that. Howard said it's really interesting to find this stuff out.
Howard asked the caller if the chanting stopped. The caller said that there were a bunch of people yelling stuff out and one guy got up and said that he had screwed Howard Stern. The caller said that the fans were booing Sam up on stage.
Gary came in and said that he spoke to Mitch, Sam's friend, and he was telling him that Howard had better shut up or he might have to watch over his shoulder. Howard said that he shouldn't make idle threats, people get locked up for that.
We heard a current interview with Robin who was saying that Sam shouldn't have been involved in all of that stuff.
Then they played a K-Rock clip where Sam called into the show after the whole thing went down. Sam told Howard that Mitch wasn't threatening him, he was just upset about the joke he made about his brother's suicide. Howard said that he didn't make a joke. Then Sam said that he was just pulling a joke on him and he thought it would be funny. Howard asked Sam if he was bad to him or something. Sam said that he was just trying to have some fun. He said it was his attempt at a joke.
Sam said that all Howard does is turn on him. Howard and Robin said they couldn't believe that. Sam was the one who turned on them. Sam couldn't believe how they turned on him after that. Howard said that they found out the way he feels about them. Sam said that it was a practical joke but what Howard said wasn't a joke. Howard said that it would have been funny if Sam had come in and told them it was a joke. Howard said that Bon Jovi is a pussy and if he wants to hang out with him that's fine but he thinks the guy is a jerk.
Sam told Howard that he can't forgive him for saying what he said. Howard said Sam burned him. Sam said he's glad he found out and didn't continue to come on the show with Howard feeling the way he does. Sam said that he doesn't know how he expects him to feel after he's been on the air going off on him.
Howard and Sam went back and forth on that stuff for a short time. Sam said that he didn't appreciate him joking about his brother's suicide. Howard said that he wasn't making a joke, he was reading a note that someone wrote to the show. Sam wouldn't let him talk so Howard said that he couldn't have a conversation like this. Sam told Howard to keep on being babies about this whole thing. Sam said that all he did was not show up with Bon Jovi. He said that it was a funny joke and he can't stand that they got one over on him. Howard asked what he got over on him. He said that all he did was say that he was going to bring someone on the show and didn't show up.
Sam told Howard that he was always loyal to the show. Howard said he knows that. He said that he as loyal to Sam too and he ended up screwing him over. Howard said that he doesn't care about Bon Jovi. Sam said that he still thinks that Howard is the best and he always avoided other shows. Sam said that he's hurt by the stuff Howard has said about him the past couple of days and he can't take it. Sam said that Howard is a vicious guy and he can't take that. Howard said he's not sure what he did wrong. Howard told Sam that he could have called the show and let them know it was a joke instead of just letting him sit there waiting.
Howard said that he helped that band out in the beginning and they ended up burning him later on. Howard said the guy is a loser and he doesn't want to know from him if that's the way they're going to treat him. Howard said that he didn't know it was a joke on him and it made him look like a jackass. Howard said he would have done anything for Sam and wouldn't do that for anyone else. Sam said that he would like to see Howard and Bon Jovi work things out. Howard said he doesn't care about that. He was more upset about Sam not being there for him and burning them the way he did. Sam said that Howard was going off on him by the end of the show and that just wasn't right.
Howard said he doesn't get it. Sam said that Howard has set him up on his show too and called Bobcat Goldtwait on the show without warning him. Howard said that he asked Sam if he wanted to make that call and he could have said no. Howard said he couldn't say no to the Bon Jovi bit. Sam said that they must not be his friends either.
Sam told Howard that he was had. Howard said he was but not by Bon Jovi, it was by Sam. Sam said that the fan who called in and said that they were chanting Dice at the show was lying. There weren't any people there chanting out anything. He said one person in the second show said something about it. Robin said that Sam really screwed them over and that was just wrong. Sam called her a snake for treating him the way she did. Howard tried to explain that to Sam but Sam ended up hanging up on him. Howard said that he doesn't get Sam and why he did this. He said that this show is his life and he works really hard on it. They went to break after that.
Sam said that he would never betray Howard again and he was sorry about what he said. Sam said that it was alright and he would forgive them if they forgive him. Sam said that he loves them and Howard and Robin both said that they loved Sam too. Howard let Sam go after that and said that they'd see what happened.
After that we heard a current clip of Jessica Hahn talking about how much Sam loved Howard. She said that Sam really looked up to Howard and his intentions were to only please Howard. She said that Howard has the ability to turn something that bad into radio gold.
Jackie the Joke Man talked about ''Man, Dude'' phone call discussion and how great that was when they talked about it afterward. Robin said that was an amazing call. Gary said that they ended up having a great thing where they counted the number of man and dude comments in that call.
They played a K-Rock clip where Gilbert Gottfried was sitting in during Robin's news and he started to do his Sam Kinison impression where he and Howard were arguing and kept saying ''man'' and ''dude'' every other word. Howard got into that and started goofing around with Gilbert doing the man and dude thing with him. Gilbert was relentless with it and he was laughing his ass off talking about it. He kept up the ''man'' stuff for a long time and had Howard and Robin laughing at him.
Howard said he had to find the part where Sam goes ''Dice is the future... man.'' Robin wondered how many dudes and mans there were in that call. Howard had some of the tape of the dude, man phone call and played it for the guys. Every time they'd say man or dude Fred would set off a bell sound effect. Robin told him to start it from the beginning. Howard did that and laughed the whole time he was setting up to play it. The ''man'' started off almost right away. Howard was the first one they heard. Howard said he got that from growing up in Roosevelt, Long Island.
Robin said she figured it was going to be near 100 ''man/dudes'' in the call. Howard started the tape and started counting within seconds. Fred had his bell sound effect ready to go. The bell was ringing every few seconds. Fred missed one and Howard said it's only funny when Fred hits the bell. Howard played through more of the tape and both Howard and Sam were throwing out a lot of ''man'' comments. Almost every other sentence had ''man'' thrown in at the end of it. They were up to 25 just a couple of minutes into the call.
After a fast forward we heard Gilbert saying that he felt like he had created a new board game. Howard got back into the tape and played more of the ''man, dude'' call. They continued their counting of the comments and they were up to 101 by the end of the call. Gary said that they had a winner who guessed the number correctly. Howard said that it was 101 mans and dudes. He and Gilbert did their ''man, dude'' thing a little more after that.
After that clip we heard host Jim Forbes saying that 2 months after that fight Sam Kinison called Howard to make up with him.
Then we heard the K-Rock clip where Howard took the call from Sam where he was talking about making up with the show. Sam was talking about how Dice set Howard up in that movie that he was doing and he didn't get mad at him about that. Howard said that's not the same thing. Robin said that it is fun talking to Sam and she's glad that he was calling in. Sam said he was glad that he was back on too.
Howard told Sam that a real man would have come down there and talked about how things got screwed up. Sam said that he has spoken to Richie Sambora and he wants to make up over the whole thing. Howard said that he's not looking to make up with them now. Sam asked if it would be cool if they came in tomorrow and made up. Howard said that would be fine but he's not calling the press. Sam said he wasn't making any promises. Howard asked Sam how Cher smells. Sam said that he should ask him tomorrow. Sam said goodbye a short time later.
Jim Forbes said that Sam wasn't able to produce Bon Jovi the next day but Sam did show up looking for amnesty. Ronnie the Limo Driver said that he was very angry at Sam back then and he went off on him for using Howard the way he did. He said Sam was looking at it like it was no big deal but he was pissed off for real.
They played a clip from K-Rock where Ronnie called in during the segment where Sam came on the show and tried to make up. Ronnie said that Sam is a user and Howard shouldn't have him back in. Ronnie said that Sam used Jessica (Hahn). Sam said that he didn't use her, she got some stuff out of their relationship too.
Ronnie and Sam went back and forth about the using thing for a couple of minutes. Ronnie was saying that he thinks Sam is a user but Sam said he didn't just come back on the show to sell out his Atlantic City gigs. Sam said he called in and apologized for what he did to Howard. He said he feels really bad about that. Howard said that Ronnie works on him about this stuff in his car as soon as he gets in there. Sam said that he could have gone to Z-100 if he wanted to, but he didn't, because he's loyal. Sam wondered if they can do something to call off the listeners who are pissed at him. Howard said that hey can put him on parole. Ronnie wasn't going to let it go though.
After that we heard a current clip of Robin talking about how they were okay with Sam but the Bon Jovi thing just kept getting worse. Fred said that Jon had to call a truce to it because he had Howard in his back yard talking about him all the time.
After that we heard a K-Rock clip where Howard was talking about the Bon Jovi thing and how that rat fink Bon Jovi showed up on another morning show. Howard said he hopes that Richie Sambora catches something from Cher. He said that he hopes that the guy who was with Cher was with guys before and he catches something from her because of that. Howard wished all kinds of negative stuff on Richie.
In a current clip Robin talked about how they will target someone and go off on them daily like a mantra. Robin said that the fans will bombard you constantly when they do that. Fred said that the band probably didn't hear any of the radio show but the fans were out there to keep rubbing it in. Fred said that he'd like to know from Jon what the people were saying to him back then.
Next up we heard Howard taking a phone call from a guy, who would later turn out to be Captain Janks, who was saying that he and a friend sent Bon Jovi a box of doody. The guy said that he got a letter back from the band that was saying something about how much they appreciate the fans. Howard said that was bull crap. The caller told Howard his girlfriend wanted to talk to him too. Howard had him put her on the line. She was saying that she rubs herself all day long to his voice. Howard ended up hanging up on her.
Next up we heard Howard talking about the way things were going back then with Bon Jovi and how they eventually made up. Howard said he's friendly with Jon now and they hang out together once in a while. He said that they're not super close but they've been nice to each other for a while now.
We heard from Jon after that and he was saying that he'd rather offend the President of the United States than Howard Stern. He said that the wrath of Howard is wicked bad and there were a lot of people in that wake that he wouldn't want to be. Jon said that they see each other quite often now but back then Howard was a crazy man. They went to break a short time later.
After that we heard a K-Rock clip with Howard talking to John about the interview he had done with Ringo. John said that the room was full of reporters. He said there must have been about 100 or more there. Howard said that John got out 3 questions at the press conference and they were all outrageous. John said that he would go to the back of the line and people would push him to the front. John asked who the 5th Beatle was now that Murray the Kay was gone. John also asked who he would pick out of Cousin Brucie, Howard Stern or Casey Kasem. Ringo didn't have an answer for that.
Then John asked ''What did you do with the money?'' and Ringo says ''what money?'' John then says ''The money that your mother gave you for singing lessons.'' Howard sounded like he was in pain when he heard that. Robin said she couldn't believe he had the balls to ask that one. Howard replayed that one and let Ringo answer it. Ringo said that he had spent the money on fish and chips. Howard was laughing hysterically at that. He said that was one of the Beatles that he had just done that to. John said that it was all in jest and he's a big Beatles fan. Howard said he had to go home after hearing that. Then he played another question that John had asked. John got right back up and stuttered as he asked Ringo ''Was it easy writing 'It Don't Come Easy?'' Howard had to replay that one because of the stutter that John let out. Ringo said it was easy. Howard said that Scott had edited the clip a little bit to make the stutter worse than it was.
We heard from Pat Cooper who said that he didn't know who Howard Stern was back then. Pat said he didn't listen to radio back then. Pat said that he told Gary he wouldn't be able to make it that first time but he would like to go back on some other time.
Howard said that Pat was out of his fuckin' mind. He said that the guy is driven in a self destructive way and he's so angry and pissed off at the people who want to help him out. Howard said the guy doesn't give a shit and that makes for great radio.
They played a clip from that show where Pat came in for the first time. Pat was calm at first. Howard asked him where he had been. Pat said he's been out making money. Pat told Howard that he will not socialize with him because that's what he was told by Steve Rossi.
Howard asked Pat about his Lola Falana comments and what was going on with that. Pat said that she wanted him to do something for her and he didn't want to do it so he went off on her. Pat said that he stood up to this woman after that. Pat went off on some other people like Sammy Davis Jr. and others that he met out in Las Vegas in the days he was working out there. He talked about working with Tony Bennett and some others. He told Howard some stories about those days and what that was like.
After that clip we heard from Fred about the way Pat would go off on people and never back down. He said that some celebrities would back down and deny saying that stuff but not Pat. Fred said that no one was knocking Pat's door down to get him on as a guest back then but Howard found him interesting and had him on. He said that most people weren't seeing the interesting aspects of Pat but Howard found that and showed people the way.
After that we heard more of the K-Rock interview with Pat. Howard said that he likes Pat for being so honest on the show. Pat was bad mouthing people like Tom Jones. Howard had to stop Pat at one point because he was worn out from all of the stuff he was saying.
We heard a clip of David Brenner talking about how they need to have a chart that shows Howard in the center and a list of guests that are good for him. He said that Sam Kinison and Pat Cooper were two great ones for Howard. Richard Lewis also talked about how out of his mind Pat Cooper was.
Pat Cooper said that there will never be another Howard Stern. He said that in 20 or 30 years from now, there still won't be another Howard stern.
Howard took some calls and one guy said that the bit is the reason why Howard is coming in second in Philly. Howard told the guy that he'd never be able to come in any higher than 13 in the ratings, just like Imus. The guy said that he was doing fine on WFUV. Howard said that sounds like college radio and he was obviously listening to his show trying to get some ideas for his show.
Host Jim Forbes said that it was never a dull day when Richard Simmons would come in. Richard said that he once got dressed up with a beard and wore some motorcycle clothes and ran into the studio and attacked Jackie. Jackie said that they had no idea that it was Richard. Gary said it was kind of dangerous because Richard just walked in like that and didn't warn anyone about it. He was afraid someone was going to kick Richard's ass. Richard said there were no cameras back then either so it was radio clean and pure.
After that we heard a K-Rock clip where Richard came in dressed as the biker and freaekd them all out. Howard said that it looked like Jackie was going to get his ass kicked. Howard said that it scared the hell out of him when he saw that. Howard said Richard can actually look like a man when he dresses up. Richard said he wanted to do something different this summer. He had thrown Jackie through the door when he came in.
Fred claimed that he knew it was Richard but no one believed he did. Howard told Richard he looked good like that. Jackie said that Gary did nothing out in the hall and he just let him come right into the studio. Howard said that Richard could have hit them with his purse. Richard said that he didn't need to hear that.
Richard said that he bought a Harley when he was at a convention recently. Howard said ''There goes the Harley market...'' Richard said that wasn't very nice.
Gary said that Richard smacked him in the face when he came in. Richard said that he got himself a Harley Low Rider and it's black and very ''cute.'' Robin said that she's all sticky after Richard kissed her. She said that she has glue on her face. Howard asked Richard when he last made a woman sticky. Richard said he had to leave if they were going to bring that up.
Howard said that he likes this salad spray that Richard sells. He said it's actually a good idea. Richard sang ''Amazing Grace'' when he heard Howard saying positive things about him. Howard ended up making fun of Richard's ''Sweating to the Oldies'' tapes and Richard threatened to walk out again.
After that we heard Richard talking about how he learned about the two faces of Howard Stern after being on the show. He said that he saw Howard at home and on the show. Richard said that he used to hang out with Howard and his family and he didn't really have one of his own. He said it was wonderful being able to do that. He said that Howard was very kind off the air but not on the air. Richard said that leaving the show wasn't always in a huff but many times he was hurt. Richard said that he would go back on the show but the interviews would become very destructive so he didn't want to be part of it anymore.
They played another K-Rock clip where Richard was talking about being on the Sally Jesse Raphael show. Howard interrupted that story and told the guys how Richard was trying to keep the biker character going when he came in with Jackie. Howard said he got a note from Richard about him being a biker and how he was going to kick his ass. Then he broke into that voice of his and ruined it.
Howard wanted to call Leslie West and have him do his impression of Richard. He said it's great. Howard said that Richard's next video is going to be ''Sweating to the Harley's.'' Howard said that's some endorsement for Harley.
Howard called Leslie West to get him to do his impression of Richard. Leslie wasn't there so they ended up speaking to his wife for a couple of minutes instead. Howard had to tell Richard who Leslie West was since he didn't have a clue that he was in the band Mountain.
Howard told Richard that he thought that he looked like a man finally. Richard threatened to walk out again. Then Richard gave Howard a number to call so he could talk to this guy Michael that was on the talk show with him. Richard talked to this woman Madalaine first. She had lost 68 pounds so far so Richard cheered her on. Richard wanted to talk to this guy Michael but he was in the bathroom. He came out a short time later and talked about how they didn't have any salads down at Disney World and they had to do something about that. Michael said he stood on line for 45 minutes down there just so he could get an apple.
Michael told Howard that he had lost 696 pounds and he has to lose 22 more to get to his goal. Michael said that he was stopped down in Disney for his autograph because they had seen him on Sally Jesse's show. Howard said that Sally looks awful.
Howard was goofing on Michael and asked if he drooled when he saw Shamu down in Florida. Richard didn't like him making fun of the guy. Howard said that he has been talking to this guy for a long time now and he's been losing weight all of this time. Michael said that Howard did make fun of him for having cheese in his folds one time.
They talked about some other people who had lost weight and Richard didn't like the way they were making fun of him. Richard threatened to walk out a few times during the interview. Richard wished Michael luck on his trip that he had coming up soon. Michael said that he and his son were at Space Mountain together and that was great. He had Richard to thank for that. Robin said that Richard is like a little fairy that makes dreams come true. Richard almost walked out again. Howard said that Richard is actually a big fairy. Richard said he was going to fly out of there.
Howard said Richard has helped this man lose weight and now he's flaunting it all over TV. Howard said that Richard is like someone who comes into someone's life and cheers them up. Richard was waiting for the punch line with that comment. Howard said there wasn't one though. Howard said that it might be a little self serving to Richard to do that but at least he helped the guy lose weight. Howard let Michael go and told him to go to Disney World and ''break those seats.''
Howard said that Michael's son must be happy that his father lost the weight and no one is pointing at him. Howard said that Richard gets all paranoid even when he's trying to compliment him. Howard then said that the kid is probably happy his old man didn't eat him. Richard told him to take that back. Richard walked out again when Howard mentioned the fairy thing again.
We heard from Gary again talking about how Richard would leave like that all the time. He said that it was a good way for him to get out of the studio. Scott the Engineer said that 20 years later they have to know that was an act. Scott said that he was all upset but it happened all the time.
We heard from Ben Stern who was saying that Richard was always on and he showed up to their house wearing those shorts of his. Ray Stern also said that Richard is 100 percent that person on the air and off. She said that they had a lot of fun with him. Ray said that they had Richard over one night and they had a big platter of cookies and pastries. She said that Richard jumped up and grabbed a bunch when Howard got up to answer a phone call and stuffed his face. She thought that was pretty funny.
They wrapped up today's History special around 11:45am.
After that we heard a current clip of Jackie talking about how talented Billy West is. He said that he's one of the most talented guys he's worked with. Jackie said that anything he wrote he would do in character and it was a lot of fun.
Howard talked about Billy doing his Jim Backus, Mr. Magoo, impression. He said that was one of his great ones. Gary also talked about how great that impression was when Billy would do it during the news since he was dying around that time.
They went into a K-Rock clip where Howard was talking to Mr. Magoo who he had to contact from the dead. In the clip Howard joked around about him smelling like death and saying that he couldn't believe that he was gone. Billy did the great impression and had Howard and the guys laughing when he would laugh with that Mr. Magoo laugh. At one point Howard told Billy he had to bleep him because he had said that a woman made his dick stand up and bark like Lassie. Howard told him if he had said penis it may have worked. Billy used that line instead.
We heard a current clip of Howard talking about some of the other voices Billy did like the Leona Helmsley thing. Gary talked about that voice and also the Marge Schott voice. They would read about that stuff in the news and Billy would do his impressions and he had ammo when Robin would mention something about them in the news.
In another K-Rock clip we heard Billy doing his Leona Helmsley impression goofing on Fred and saying that she wanted to see their names on name tags. She said she would like to see nice American names. Leona had a lot of material and Howard went through a lot of that stuff with Billy. They were talking about a lot of the stuff in the news about her. Howard also did his Mama Lookaboobooday impression that morning. He was talking to Robin about some stuff when Leona said that this was a marble mouthed negro and she couldn't believe they let her on the air. Leona and Mama went back and forth with some goofy stuff.
That led into a K-Rock clip where Howard played a new bit called ''Mr. Ed Meets Harvey Firestein.'' They played through that bit and Sam Kinison showed up in there. Howard said that they could have had Jessica Hahn in that bit and could have had her meeting Mr. Ed. He said he might be able to make that happen since she's in town.
After that clip we heard Fred talking about how they had bad timing with that bit because Jessica's mother was sick and dying at the time. Jessica said that she would do anything for Howard and she recorded that bit when she was in town to see her sick mother. Her mother hadn't passed away yet so she did the bit. Fred said that she did a great job with the bit.
They played the clip from the show where Howard played the ''Mr. Ed Meets Jessica Hahn.'' In the bit Mr. Ed bangs Jessica and gets all four hooves into her. After playing the bit Howard talked about the bit a little bit and then Robin let Howard know that she had just found out something (that Jessica's mother had passed away). Howard said he knew but the bit was funny. Howard said he was going to leave that private. Howard took some phone calls and asked some people what parts they thought were funny. Howard and Robin were talking about the secret but not saying what it was.
After that clip we heard Jessica talking about how she found out that her mother had died the day after they recorded that bit. She said that it sent her life into a tailspin because her mother was the last person to love her unconditionally. Jessica said that Howard has always been great to her too though and she said that he's one of the warmest people she's ever known in her life. She said that she knows Howard would hate her to say that but it's true. She said that Howard was the only one she had after her mother died.
In another K-Rock clip we heard Howard talking about Jessica's mother dying and how he wasn't thinking that she'd be listening to the show the day after her mother died. Howard said that he wasn't going to play the bit anymore that day because of that. Howard said he figured it would be okay to play it since he didn't think she'd be listening and she did enjoy recording it. Howard said he figured her life was going to go on and she wouldn't have a problem with it. Robin said she could see why there was a problem with it and she was sitting there not thinking it was right to play it earlier.
Gary had come in around that time and Howard ended up going off on him. He said that Gary claims he doesn't have time to do stuff on the show but he has time to sit in. Gary said that he has some spare time but Howard told him to go work on the computer or something. Howard said Gary comes in waving his arms around claiming his job is hard but then he comes in and sits down.
Howard asked if he had sent flowers to Jessica yet. Gary said that he had to wait until 9 to call her assistant. Howard eventually told him to get out of the studio. Howard said that it's his job to sit in there, it's Gary's job to sit in his office and do work back there. Howard asked Gary if he had done the work he asked him to do back there. Gary hadn't Xeroxed some scripts for him so Howard went off on him about that. Howard said he doesn't want him doing that stuff at 10 when he wants to leave.
Gary and Howard went back and forth with that stuff until Howard yelled at him to get out of there. Howard said that he's one of the best things that's ever happened to Gary in his life and he's in there giving him a hard time about work. Howard did his impression of Gary a little bit and then talked about the Jessica Hahn bit and said that he was going to play the bit twice in a row. Robin told him to stop it.
Host Jim Forbes came on and said that a couple of days later that bit really took a turn for the worst. Fred said that it was just a short time after Jessica's mother died that Sam Kinison had come into town and he went off on Jessica about doing that. Jessica said that she had called in about that and told Sam that he didn't know what the fuck he was talking about. Then Sam said something about her mother being in her death bed when she recorded that bit. Jessica said she went out of her mind when he did that. Fred said that it was Sam Kinison doing it so they shouldn't have been so surprised that he did it.
They went into the K-Rock clip where Sam Kinison was sitting in the studio and Jessica called in to talk about not making a ton of money off the video she did with him. Sam went off on her and said he was sorry if she thought that she had been used. Jessica said that Sam's manager called and begged her to come in and work in that video. Sam said all of the other bands that were in it had to do the same thing. Jessica and Sam were going back and forth on that when Jessica told Sam to go to hell. Sam said he didn't use her and she has to pull that line on someone else.
Sam was going off on Jessica while she was trying to defend herself. Then Sam said that he's always been nice to her and he didn't put that story in the National Enquirer. He said that he put her on the map in the video world and she wasn't smart enough to turn that into a career. Jessica said that Sam didn't put her on the map and it was Playboy that did. She told Sam to go to hell. Sam said that she felt used by him and he had to have helped her out with that poster she put out. Sam said that Jessica was a cow faced loser and he'd go after her if she wants him to. Sam said he's glad that he didn't call her the past couple of days because he did try. Jessica had told Howard that Sam had fallen asleep inside of her when they were having sex one time. Sam wasn't too happy about that so he pointed that out.
Sam then brought up Jessica's mother dying. That made Jessica cry. Sam told her not to expect him to be her friend when she attacks him like that. Jessica said that Howard was there for her and Sam never called her about that stuff. Jessica said that he can't use her mother when she's talking about her that way.
Sam ended up talking about Howard joking about his brother's suicide and how wrong that was. Sam was in attack mode and wouldn't let Jessica talk. Jessica said that's the way Sam works and he won't let anyone speak when he wants to say something. Jessica told Sam to go to hell again so Sam told her to come up with a better line than that. Howard said Jessica isn't used to fighting like that. Jessica said that Sam hadn't called her in a year and he didn't care about her. Sam said he had tried to call her. Howard said he didn't think that they could settle this.
Sam wouldn't let it go and continued to go off on Jessica and Howard. Sam said that things weren't working gout very well and then said that Jessica should do another Mr. Ed bit while her mother is dying. Jessica said that she didn't know that she was going to die and started to cry again. Sam said that he wasn't messing around. Jessica had hung up by that time. They had to go to break a short time later.
Pat said that his parents called him a bum after he got divorced. He said that his sister wasn't a bum, his mother wasn't a bum when she got divorced. It was just him. Pat told Howard about the way he was made to sign away his rights to his father's money after he died. Pat said his father had left them $300,000. Pat said that he saved up all of that over 50 years. Pat said he wasn't rich. Pat also said that he wants to earn his money and doesn't want it given to him.
Pat talked about his own kids and how he would like to be reunited with them. Pat said that he wants to know what he did so wrong that they won't talk to him. Pat said he was a great father and he'd like to know what's so bad about what he did to them. pat said that his parents beat the crap out of him and he still respected them. Pat talked about the kids taking him to court to get money out of him. He said that they
After that clip we heard host Jim Forbes talking about one of the great on air dramas that took place in the summer of 1989. That led into Pat Cooper talking about the Stern Show and what it's done for him. Howard said that Pat is great on the show and he's welcome to come on at any time.
Gilbert Gottfried talked about how out of his mind Pat is and how he's filled with such venom. He said that it was funny when Pat would be cursing his family out on the air. Gilbert said that he met Jon Lovitz one time and thought he was a nice guy but Pat saw him once when they were out at the Friar's club and yelled out ''This guy has the personality of my cock!''
Richard Belzer and Fred Norris talked a little bit about what was going on with Pat back then and how it was a truly dysfunctional family. Fred said that most people don't have the courage to say stuff about their parents the way Pat did. Fred said that Pat would let it all hang out.
They played a K-Rock clip where Howard had Pat Cooper's son, Mike, on the phone. Here's what I had in my archives from that August 8, 1989 show (thanks to Master Tape Theatre):
Howard picked up the phone and Pat's son Mike was there. Pat told him to say what he wanted to and he just wanted him to be honest.
Howard asked Mike about the last time they saw each other. Mike said he's 32 years old now and it was probably even longer ago than his father thinks it was. He said that it was at least 10 years ago. He's not sure what went wrong there. He doesn't know what he had to do with the divorce and why he stopped talking to him. Pat interrupted and asked him if he asked his mother why she thinks he's so bad. He said that he should have asked why she was putting him in the toilet. He said his mother should have taught them a little better how to treat people.
Pat said that the judge told him how much money he had to send to them and that's what he did. He didn't send any more or any less. Mike said that when he turned 15 or 16 years old he had to try and get to know his father. He still doesn't know him after 32 years. He said he knows his dad about as well as he knows Howard. Mike said he wanted to get something from his father, anything from him. He said he doesn't want any of his father's money and he hasn't needed it for a long time now. He said he's been independent for about 15 years now.
Mike said he may have asked his father for things when he was younger but that's what kids do. Pat said it wasn't all about the money. The two of them went back and forth talking about what went on in their lives. Howard thought that Mike was trying to reach out to his father. Mike said he doesn't dislike his father, but he doesn't know him either. Howard told Mike that his father is a lot of fun and he could hang out with him and have a lot of fun.
Mike said that things that mattered to him as a child don't matter to him now. He said he would like to spend time with his father now but he's not sure if his father knows what he missed out on when he was young. Pat said he wants to know what he has done that they treat him like a second class citizen.
Pat eventually said that he loves his son but he doesn't like him. Mike said that he had never heard that before and Pat told him he may never hear it again. Pat said that Mike thought he had him on the hook and tried to point out that he had never heard that before but that's why he said he may never hear it again. Pat continued to go off on his son about what he was saying about him but Mike tried to defend himself by telling Pat that he had to defend his mother over the years. Pat said that his mother never told him to defend his father but his father always told him to defend his mother.
Howard said this is all terrible because he loves Pat and hates to hear this stuff. Pat said that he may have to get together with his son to talk about this stuff in person. Joe Walsh told Mike that maybe he should take his father to Disneyland or something.
Howard told Pat that maybe they shouldn't get together. Maybe they could let bygones be bygones but he's not so sure. Mike said that he's tried to do that before but he eventually has to give up because it becomes so hard to keep trying. Joe Walsh gave Pat a hug and Howard said that he may have lifted Pat's wallet. Pat figured it was enough of that nonsense and they should move on. Pat said he does care about his family, otherwise he wouldn't have brought it up.
Mike said that he's been working at the same place for 10 years and his father knows where he's at if he wants to get together for lunch one day. Pat said he might just do that. He didn't know exactly where he was working but did know the general area.
After an edited out commercial break they played a clip of Pat's daughter calling in. From my archives:
Howard got Pat's daughter on the phone after that. Pat hadn't spoken to her in 12 years. She got on and asked him what he had to say to her after that time. Pat had nothing to say but told her she could say what she wants. She said that he makes demeaning comments about her profession in his act and she doesn't appreciate that. She said it's a disgrace to use his family to make money. Pat said that he did everything he was supposed to do for his family, legally, and that's all he had to do.
Pat's daughter Luann said she had to pay for her own education and complained about that. Pat told her that she's supposed to do that. Luann told him that he ridicules her profession but he said that he's doing comedy and it's not personal. She asked Pat when the last time was that he saw his mother. Pat and Luann went back and forth about the way they think they should treat family. Pat said he never did anything bad to his kid, he never hit them or beat them. Luann complained that he only gave them $65 a week when they were growing up. Pat said that's what the court told him to pay so that's what he was paying.
Pat told Luann that she should be ashamed of herself with this nonsense. He went off on her for a short time and told her that he owes her nothing. Luann said that he has a responsibility as a father and he seems to forget that. She called her a con-artist and said she should be ashamed of herself.
Pat told Luann that he didn't care if he had any grandchildren even though he wasn't sure if he had any or not. Pat said that if she does have kids, maybe she should tell them that he was a great person. She said that her kids would call her a liar if she did that.
Pat went off on his daughter again saying that she's just a ''taker'' and that's it. Luann continued to go off on him but Pat said that she was all about ''me, me, me'' and what he gave her or didn't give to her. Luann said this has been going on for her whole life. She said that her father left her in the hospital when she was just 2 years old. Pat let out a ''Whooohoooww'' and asked her who told her that. She didn't answer him so the two of them were talking over each other for a little while until Howard called an end to it all.
Howard let Luann go and spent a little more time talking to Pat about his family. Joe Walsh had to get going at that point because he had some gigs to get to. He gave him some plugs and let him go.
Howard told Pat that he was emotionally drained after all of this stuff. Pat continued to go off on his family and told Howard about how he paid the bills that he had to pay when he was told by the courts to pay. He pointed out how his daughter was all about herself and complaining about what he didn't do for her. She never said anything about her brother and what he didn't get, it was all about her.
After another edited out segment they played Pat's mother calling the show. From my archives:
Gary interrupted and told Howard that Pat's mother was on the phone. Howard asked Pat if he wanted to talk to her so Pat told him to put her on. Howard told the guys to hang on while they spoke to Pat's mother. She got on the line and said that Pat is a wreck and a mess. Howard told Mrs. Caputo that it was a pleasure to speak to her but he wanted to bring the family back together. She said that he never quits and doesn't give up on anything. She said that everyone hates the truth and that's what his problem is.
Mrs. Caputo said that Pat thinks that money is important but it's not. Pat said he never said he thought it was important. He remained oddly calm while trying to explain to Howard what he thought about his mother but he started to get riled up the more he spoke.
Pat said that he has nothing to hide and he's not ashamed of anything he's done. He started going off on his mother about the way he's been treated by his family. He tried to help his family out but they didn't appreciate it. Pat eventually started yelling at his mother and that's when he found out that she was upset that she even had him as a son. He figured she wanted the money she spent raising him so he asked her how much she wanted.
Pat said that his mother could never stand any man... or any person with pants on. All she loved was her daughters. She said that Pat was the trouble maker but he said that she was the trouble maker. Pat told Howard that this is the greatest thing to have happened to him because he's had this stuff on his mind for years and it's been eating him up inside. Pat said he thanks his family for calling.
Pat asked his family if they got their three hundred thousand and pointed out that they never even visited the grave of the man who left them that money. He said that they're all money hungry people and they'll never admit it.
After those clips we heard a current clip of Pat Cooper talking about how great that was for Howard's radio show. Pat said that he still has people who tell him they play that tape because it was so good. Pat said that this stuff happens to families all the time and Howard still plays it.
Host Jim Forbes said that they turned that audio into a bit. Scott the Engineer said that they turned it into a bit and he's not sure who came up with the idea. Scott said they would throw ideas out there and they'd come up with some great bits. Scott said they came up with the Pat Cooper ''All in the Family'' parody.
They played the K-Rock clip where Howard played ''All In The Pat Cooper Family'' bit. They had taken those arguments with Pat and his family and turned it into an ''All in the Family'' commercial parody.
Jackie talked about the Woodstock Minutes that they used to do and how there was nothing funnier on the planet at the time. He said he still laughs just thinking about those now.
They played a K-Rock clip where they played a Woodstock Minute with Allison Steele doing the announcing. They had Larry Fine at Woodstock talking about some of the stuff going on there at Woodstock. After playing the clip Howard said that was the Larry Fine lost years. Robin thought the bit was great. Howard said he thought that was too cool. Howard said when they put their minds to it they can come up with some good bits. Gary said it really was funny. Howard said Gary acts amazed when he does something funny. They had to go to break after that.
Howard asked Gary if he knew how to play. Gary did so Howard figured he could beat him. Howard said he can tell he can beat Gary because he's such an imbecile. Howard said he did that with Raquetball. Howard said he beat Gary because he doesn't know what he's doing. Howard challenged Gary to the game.
Robin said she took some lessons and she didn't have much luck playing. Howard told Gary he's going to kick his ass and he could probably beat Jackie too. Howard said Jackie looks like a bit of a klutz so he might be able to beat him. Howard told Gary he's going to play him on Saturday morning. He said he should hold it in a big venue and charge people to watch. Gary wondered if anyone would pay to see that. Howard said he thinks they would. Howard said he'd look into that.
After that clip we heard Gary talking about how they turned something out of nothing with the U.S. Open Sores thing. He said that he had played Howard a couple of times off the air and then they turned it into this huge event.
They went into another K-Rock clip where Howard took some calls and asked people if they would pay to come see an event like that. The fans were up for it. Howard was coming up with some ideas for the event and Gary threw out the idea to have Kinison there to be the linesman. Howard said he knows he can beat Gary. Jackie said the crowd would go nuts for it.
Howard wondered who else was going to play. Robin said she and Fred could play since neither of them play. She said they could be the opening match. Jackie wondered who he would play. Howard told him to play with himself. Howard said they can get the good looking girls from the show to do stuff in bikinis. Howard said they could have Celeste with the club foot as the ball girl. Gary said they could have Siobhan as a ball girl too. Howard said he wants real ball kids and doesn't want Siobhan there. Howard said that would throw his game off.
Howard asked Gary where they could hold the event. They mentioned Madison Square Garden as one place they could try. Howard said they could charge like 10 bucks per seat.
We heard a current clip of Gary talking about how the whole event came together. Howard also talked about how they ended up booking the event at Nassau Coliseum. Howard said promoter Ron Delsner was suggested by Ross Zapin. Ross talked about hearing that conversation that day and how he suggested that Ron promote the event. Ross said that he had a relationship with this guy who worked at Nassau Coliseum and he spoke to that guy. The guy, Lance Elder, also talked about how the event came together really fast once they got it rolling.
Gary said that Ross had told him back then that he was going to work on the whole thing for them. They told Ross to talk to Don Buchwald and make the thing happen. Ross said he was only like 20 at the time and he figured he could make it happen. Gary said they presented Don with the deal and the next day they were ready to announce that it was a done deal and they were going to be doing this event.
They played another K-Rock clip where Howard was talking about the names they could call the event. They were thinking ''The Bush Open'' or the ''U.S. Open Legs.'' Howard told Gary not to practice before the event because he doesn't want him getting good. Gary said that he will never hear the end of it if he does lose.
Howard had taken a call during the conversation. The caller said that he would try to come out for the event. Howard told him to get his tickets fast because it's going to sell out. The caller said he liked the name ''U.S. Open Sores'' the best out of the list he had read. Howard said he wasn't sure about that and had some others that he liked. Howard said he liked the ''U.S. Open Beaver'' or ''U.S. Beaver Open.''
After that clip they had Howard talking about that event and how he doesn't really do live events like that. Howard said he knew that he could beat Gary though so he had to go through with this game. Robin said that they did sell the place out when they did the special. Lance Elder said that they sold out in an hour and a half. He and Ross were tickled when that happened. Ross said that was the easy part, then they had to figure out what they were going to do.
Fred said that it was amazing that they sold out Nassau Coliseum and it may have been a little bit large for what they were doing. He said that it was great to hear all of those people cheering for them though. Fred said that it definitely gave you a chill being there.
Gary said that Howard anted it to be worth what they were charging people so they had a ton of guests show up. We heard from Howard talking about how it was probably one of the worst nights for him. He said it was a one shot deal for him and he had to make it good. They weren't used to doing that stuff though.
Robin said that they came up with the idea to have someone perform the National Anthem and they had this woman Celestine do it. She had no arms or legs and she played a Casio keyboard with her tongue. Robin said that's what they did.
They played a clip from the U.S. Open Sores tape where Celestine played the National Anthem with her tongue. Howard said that Francis Scott Key had just passed out when she started to play the song.
The event took place on October 7, 1989. We heard from Artie talking about how his cousin's wedding was that day and he remembers it well. Artie said that he missed the event and he was trying to find out from friends who had won, Gary or Howard. Artie said that he may not have been able to get tickets to the event anyway but he had to go to that wedding.
Howard talked about how great it was doing the event at a sold out Nassau Coliseum. Howard said it really was fun. Jessica Hahn said that it was huge and that's when she knew that Howard was going to be really huge. She said that the audience loved him and they did a lot of crazy things that night.
Jim Forbes introduced a behind the scenes moment where Sam Kinison talked about paying his own way out there to do the event. He said he didn't even have a car to pick him up and bring him there. Sam said he was out like $7,000 to do this event. Sam said that Howard would probably show up if he asked him to do something to help him out. Sam said this was his way of blackmailing Howard into doing something like that in the future.
We heard a current clip of Howard talking about how he thought people were going to be disappointed when they saw him playing tennis with Gary.
They played some more of the U.S. Open Sores audio where Billy West was doing a voice over for the tennis match.
Jim Forbes said that the plan for topless ball girls had to be squashed. Lance Elder talked about how they got a call from the police saying that they wouldn't be able to do the topless thing because it was against the law. Lance said he called Howard and told him about it and they eventually found out they could put pasties on the girls. Howard wasn't happy about that because he wanted to see them au natural.
We heard more of the U.S. Open Sores audio where Gary won the match. Howard had been beaten but he didn't think they were done and thought they were playing the best out of 7 games. Howard and Gary went at each other a little bit goofing on each other.
We heard a current clip of Howard talking about how he had a fever that night and how irritated he was by the whole thing. Howard said that he ended up playing Gary at home a few weeks later and ended up beating him there.
Gary said that he remembers Fred as Kurt Waldheim Jr. that night and how funny that was. Fred said he remembered doing that and he brought out a very special guest with him. Fred said he didn't think of it until that day and it was one of the rudest things he had ever done in his life. Fred said that he was looking at an ashtray and thought about the Nazi thing he was doing and that led to his bit. Gary said that it was Yom Kippur weekend and Fred had asked him to get him an envelope of ashes for this bit he was doing.
They played a clip from the U.S. Open Sores thing where Fred introduced Anne Frank to everyone by spilling the ashes all over the place.
They had Fred talking about how the audience reacted and how fun that was. Gary said that Fred also said ''Fuck you Ron Delsner... Happy Yom Kippur.'' Gary said that was a great moment.
We heard a K-Rock clip where Howard was talking about the bits that people wanted to do there at the event. They had this guy Vinnie D'Amico who was going to eat a mouse. They had the pet police show up to make sure that didn't happen.
Lance Elder talked about how Vinnie got very indignant when they put the flames out. He said Vinnie wanted them to let his head keep burning.
We heard another behind the scenes clip of Ted the Janitor talking about what he would do to Robin if he could be with her.
Ross Zapin said that back stage was a wild place to be that night. He said it was really fun and wild back there. Lance Elder said that the girls were back stage not wearing anything back there. Lance said that they were getting it on with nothing on. He said that Howard's parents were there too and he's not sure how they would show up at those events.
Ben Stern said that Stuttering John's mother came over and introduced herself to them as ''Stuttering John's mother'' which they found kind of odd.
We heard another behind the scenes clip where Howard's sister Ellen met Sam Kinison back stage. Sam sounded very happy to have met her.
Then they played a clip from the U.S. Open Sores tape where Howard spoke to Jessica Hahn in front of the crowd there. Howard asked her if she had run into Sam back stage. Jessica said that he had security people around him so she didn't get close to him. Howard said he wanted to bring them back together and the crowd cheered him on when he suggested bringing him out. Jessica said that they could see what happens when they bring him out. Howard had Sam come out and the crowd went wild. Jessica started to insult Sam but Sam said that he was trying to be nice and didn't want to try and match wits again.
Howard asked Jessica why she was upset that Sam had girls with him. Jessica said that he should do some things on his own once in a while like she does. Sam said that maybe he fell asleep inside of her because he didn't have anyone else to talk to that night he was with Jessica. Sam, Jessica and Sam's girls were all arguing up on stage and goofing on each other.
After that clip we heard Ross Zapin and Lance Elder talking about the end of the event where Leslie West and Sam Kinison performed a song together. Ross said that people started jumping over the hockey boards and wanted to get close to Leslie. The fans emptied the stands and went out on the floor. Howard said that he remembers everyone rushing the stage and thinking that he was going to die that night. That led into a clip from the event where Leslie started to play with Sam singing ''Wild Thing.'' Howard talked about how great the event was and how he had a sense of not knowing what he was doing there with a live event. He said that they did put on another live event one time and that was fine but playing tennis on TV was kind of ambitious.
We heard another behind the scenes clip from back stage at the event where Howard was going around interviewing people like Ron Delsner. They went to break a short time later.
After that quick clip we heard Jim Forbes talking about Kinison's legendary appearances leaving the fans wanting more. Dee Snider said that Sam really amped things up on the show back then. David Brenner said that he did the show with Sam a few times and one time he came in at 6:30 in the morning and Sam was on his third bottle of vodka. He said he was wild live as Howard is in radio. He said it was quite a combination.
We heard from Meg Griffin who said that Sam was on one of his benders on this day and she ended up getting upset about it. She said that they used her comment about Sam stinking all the time on the show. Dee Snider remembered her calling it ''Dante's inferno'' in the studio. Meg said that she had friends who thought that was a great line. She said that she was taking herself too seriously back then but it was a little too much for her.
We heard a K-Rock clip where Gary told Howard that Meg didn't come in the day before because Sam was there. Robin was reading through her news when Meg finally came in. Howard told her he heard she was mad at him. Meg said she was kind of mad at him. Howard asked why that was. Meg said that she came in and she wasn't able to get to the stuff she needed to because of the Kinison entourage being there. Howard asked why she was mad at him then. Meg said that she wasn't really mad at him. She said that they had so many sleezoids in there that she wasn't able to get to the record she had to get to.
Howard said that Meg doesn't think sometimes because his show is the station's bread and butter and that's the kind of stuff they do on his show. Howard said he heard that Meg was out in the hall banging her foot and saying the F-word. Robin said she heard she was throwing things too.
Howard and Meg spent a few minutes talking about that and Meg wasn't happy that they had so many people there and the fact that they were keeping her from doing her work. Howard wondered what happened to the liberal Meg. Meg said that there was some stuff that was right and wrong and that whole deal was wrong. Robin told her that she has to leave some room for other people. Meg said that she thought they were encouraging people to do illegal things and people to go out and possibly catch diseases and stuff.
Howard and Robin pointed out that Meg seems to be fine with rock stars who do illegal things like Sam and his entourage may have been doing. Meg said that Sam stands for nothing but abusing women and being up for days on end near having a heart attack. Howard said that Meg seems to be for it when the rock stars are doing that stuff. Meg said that she doesn't see them doing that stuff now. Howard said that Meg would be on her knees if the Rolling Stones were in there doing the same kind of stuff. Meg told him he was wrong about that. Then she said that it was like ''Dante's inferno'' in the studio.
Howard said that he will soon control the station and he will control Meg too. Howard said he controls her whole future there. Howard pointed out some of the rock stars she's a fan of and the drugs they have done in the past. Meg said that it's a different thing because Sam is out there flaunting it. She said that Sam carries on about it unlike the musicians they were talking about. Howard said he loves this serious Meg. Meg said that she walks into the studio and ''it stinks.''
Next up we heard Pat Cooper talking about Sam Kinison and how he wasn't a comedian, he was a screamer. Pat talked about how Sam just shit in the bed with Jessica Hahn and that was the kind of radio Howard wanted to do? Robin talked about the problems that Sam had with women an how crazy that stuff would be on the air.
Jessica Hahn said that Howard was on the air and he would instigate something with Sam or her and they'd be right back into their fight. Fred said he doesn't think that he'd be able to have sex with Sam if he were a woman. He said that Jessica was like the Florence Nightingale of sex.
They played a K-Rock clip where Howard was talking to Jessica Hahn on the phone about her relationship with Sam. Jessica said that she was holding back on a story about Sam that she didn't want to say. Howard begged her to tell him what the story was off the air. Jessica said she didn't want it to get out because she'll never hear the end of it and she will never do another show with him again. Howard took her off the air and listened to the story.
Howard got the story and sounded shocked by what he had heard. He started to laugh and put Jessica back on the air. Howard said he had to put her on hold and then put her back on. Howard told Jessica that it wasn't that bad to say on the air. He wanted her to say it but Jessica said that it would start another war and she didn't want that.
Howard asked if he could tell everyone off the air what it was. Jessica said that was okay but he couldn't say it on the air. Jessica said that she would just say that the maids weren't happy. Jackie said that he thinks that Sam had an accident. Jessica said that she knew he told them. Howard didn't tell Jackie, Jackie just guessed what it was.
Jackie asked for details. He said they knew what happened because she gave some hints. Jessica told them that it happened at the Sunset Marquis and it lasted about 5 minutes. She said it was almost endless. Then Sam passed out and had no idea what was going on. She cleaned up after him an put the stuff in a plastic bag outside of someone else's door so it looked like they did it. Howard laughed and said he loves that guy. He told her she should have set it on fire so someone had to put it out with their foot.
Howard told Jessica that she could have flushed it. Jessica said that it was everywhere and that wouldn't have worked. Jessica said that she had put it all in a plastic bag and ran down like 3 doors and left it outside of that door. Jessica said she didn't want the hotel people figuring out that it was Sam's mess.
Howard joked that Sam was on the line but said that he was just joking. Jessica said that she and Sam have a weird relationship. She said that they still seem to love each other but they also yell and scream at each other eventually.
Howard had Jackie in the back office doing his Sam impression yelling at Jessica. She knew it wasn't him. Howard said that was Sam the Joke Man Martling. Howard said he really does love Sam. He asked Jessica for more details about what happened that day. Jessica said that he was really out of it and he was walking into walls and stuff. Howard said that they're probably never going to make up after this.
Howard said that Jessica must really love Sam because she's done so much for him. Robin said that she would never do that for anyone.
Jessica told Howard that Sam looked like he was going to jump out the window before he made the mess. She said that Sam was walking into the refrigerator door and into walls and stuff. She said that he was just very tired and stuff like that. She wasn't saying that he was on anything at the time. She said that he may have been drinking a little wine at the party they were at. Jessica said that Sam was under a lot of pressure.
Robin said that Jessica could have unloaded that story the day Sam was yelling at her. She said she's really a good friend not to have brought it up that day.
Howard said it sounded like she really hadn't made up with Sam. Jessica said that Sam has a sweet side and he can be a good guy. She said that he can also be mean. Howard said he's sure Sam will have something to say about this. He told her that he had to get going but Robin said that his clothes must have been ruined. Jessica said that she was in a robe but Sam was naked. Howard was still laughing as he thought about the whole thing. Howard said that he can't imagine what it would be like being a maid in a hotel. They spent a little more time with Jessica and made up some sound effects for the incident. Howard said that to be fair, they hadn't spoken to Sam yet and he might come out and say that it was Jessica who went in the bed.
That led into a K-Rock clip where Howard talked about his mother baking bread and how she gave that up. His mother was on the phone so she was talking about that with him. Howard told his mother that his sister kind of came off as a bitch on this video tape he has. He said she comes in asking what was going on back stage at this thing they did.
Howard was reading through a live commercial at the time for a place in New Jersey. Howard said that his mother won't let him move to Jersey because she thinks that it will break up the family. Howard said that he goes over and visits them all the time. Ray said that he doesn't come over that often. Howard said he was just there two weeks before.
Howard said his mother wants him to come over all the time and just hang out. Howard said his sister always drops in, almost every day, but she lives like 3 minutes away. He said his sister doesn't do anything all day long, she just trains her dog. Howard said Ellen's kids are all grown and she's got nothing better to do all day long. Howard suggested that she come into the city and go to lunch with him instead. Then he thought better of that and didn't think he'd like that.
Ray was saying that she didn't like something he told on the air the other day. She said that Howard used to be ''my Howard'' but that's not the way it is now. Howard asked her what it was she was trying to say to him. Ray said that she was saying that what Howard was saying just wasn't right. Ray told him not to use certain things on the air.
Howard said that he has one of the foulest mouths around. Fred even backed him up on that. Howard said his mother doesn't think that's the way it is. Howard said that when he tells his mother about something about himself, she doesn't believe him. Howard said he uses a lot of foul language and she doesn't even believe that. They argued over that for a few minutes before Howard let her go. Howard called her an ''annoying woman'' after hanging up.
We heard a quick clip of Sandra Bernhard talking about doing the show and how she doesn't have to worry about offending Howard when she's on like she does with other talk show hosts. They went to break after that.
Howard said he has a phony laugh and so does Robin. Howard said that Robin's phony laugh is on the video tape. He said that they have her laughing during a discussion about the U.S. Open Sores event. Howard said they heard this strange sound that was like a stapler going and it turned out to be Robin's phony laugh. He described it and said that it was definitely her phony laugh. Robin said that was a real laugh. Howard said he has a phony one too so he knows what that's like.
Next up we heard host Jim Forbes talking about the FCC sending a letter to Infinity Broadcasting about the Christmas show they did the previous December. Mel Karmazin talked about that show and how he found it to be funny. Then the FCC sends them a note about the show being indecent. Mel said that the definition of indecent had nothing to do with a man playing the piano with his penis. He said that it wasn't like Howard said something that wasn't allowed either.
Scott the Engineer talked about that FCC thing and how people were saying that children were going to be hurt by it. He said that the parents are supposed to be monitoring what their kids listen to. Fred said that kids are always talking about doody and penis so it's silly to have people complaining about them talking about that kind of stuff. Fred said that they didn't have anything in the constitution saying that they have freedom of speech except when it comes to doody balls and penis. Fred said that the FCC were going to try and police what they can say and that's not going to make the world a better place.
Jim Forbes said that this all led up to Howard having George Carlin on the show. Howard said that he always liked George Carlin and thought that his stand up act was always amazing. They had some audio of the late George Carlin talking about Howard and how he's been putting his stuff out on the line every day for years now. He wasn't that familiar with the show schedule now. George said he and Howard both wanted their freedom with language.
Howard talked about how people would stay tuned and listen to him and he would wonder if people were interested in Carlin the way he was. Carlin talked about Howard not being a bigot and he assumes that he's not a misogynist or a homophobe but he does target those groups with his humor.
They played a K-Rock clip where Howard had George Carlin on the show. Here's some of my write up from that show that aired on November 10, 1989:
Howard had George Carlin come in. He said that George had been on Letterman last night. He came in a short time later and joked that he'd met Fawn Hall out there. Howard corrected him and said that was actually Jessica Hahn. George was just joking around about her being Fawn Hall.
George said that this place was new since the last time he was on. Howard said that it was about a step above the last place. He went on to talk to George about the Jim Baker/Jessica Hahn thing. They spent a few seconds on that and then talked about last night's Letterman. George said he was on with some animals from Columbus and some woman from ''30 Something'' who he didn't know.
Howard said that George was there today to promote a show he's doing at Westbury Music Fair. They talked about that a little bit and then got into some discussion about the FCC. Howard said he just got his second letter from the FCC. He said that he can't even say penis on the show now because that's what they're fining him over. He was talking about a guy playing the piano with his penis and got fined for that.
Howard said he was reading about George doing the Tonight Show and how he was embarrassed by just one episode that he did when he was high. George said that didn't sound right because he's always smoked pot and he probably did just one episode sober.
Howard said he had to take another break before finishing up with George. He said that they could spend a little more time with George and then get back to Jessica Hahn. He ended up talking more about the FCC with George because he was involved with the seven dirty words thing. Howard said that those words don't mean anything to anybody and they don't hurt anyone if people hear them. He said he uses those words all the time and he doesn't know of anyone who doesn't, other than his mom maybe. He and George talked about that stuff for a short time and then George was saying that he was brought up to respect certain people like guys in sports and guys in the military and those guys use that kind of language all the time. He said that it's time for the government to get off his back already.
Howard asked George about cheating and if he does that anymore. George said that he doesn't do that anymore, he was only doing that when he was in a weird position in his life. He said that he never really got into the whole threesome thing either. He said he'd always be worried about what the other woman was doing.
Howard said that Sam Kinison was on the show the day the Rolling Stone came out with George's interview in it. He said some nice things about Sam in the article and he knows that Sam really appreciated that. Howard gave George some plugs for his upcoming comedy show and talked to him about some other stuff he's working on. George said he's working on a TV show that he's hoping to make happen. He said that should be good and it won't be like ''Honey I'm Home.''
Howard spent a couple more minutes with George but George had to get going so Howard let him go. George was getting ready to leave when he saw Jackie in the studio. He said he loves Jackie and didn't know that was him sitting there. He said he was sorry he didn't recognize him. He said he used to call his joke line and loved the jokes he told. They swapped care packages with each other at one point. Howard said Jackie finally knows someone. He always claims that he knows people but this is the first time it actually worked out for him. Howard said that Jackie was throwing his Jokeman cup in his face the whole time.
Jackie thanked Howard for introducing him to George. Howard said that you wouldn't even know Jackie was in comedy if he didn't have George recognize him. He goofed on Jackie for a short time after that. They were also talking about how great George Carlin is.
Next up we heard Howard talking about how he regrets not having George on the show more. He said that he was concerned that he didn't fit with the formula of the show. He said that George was always complimentary about the show. They had some audio of George talking about Howard's eureka moment where he finally figured out what he had to do with his show. George said that he loves Howard and loves his mind.
Richard Lewis said that he thought Kinison was great and thought he was great with Howard. Richard said that Sam was one of the great guests that Howard had on the show.
That led into a K-Rock clip where Howard had Sam Kinison on the show along with Richard Lewis. Sam and Richard seemed to be getting along very well and were joking about a bunch of stuff. Howard had them listen to an audio tape where Jessica Hahn told the story about Sam crapping in the hotel room they were staying in.
Sam wondered what Jessica was implying in that clip. Howard played more of it and they eventually figure out that she was basically saying that Sam had crapped in the hotel room and she had to clean up after him. Sam realized what was going on and said that this means war now. Sam wasn't happy that she revealed that on the air. Sam said he was going to make Pat Cooper look like Mr. Rogers.
Sam went off on Jessica saying that this was like extortion on her part and she might belong in jail right along side Jim Baker. Sam thought she was saying that he had urinated in the hotel room. Howard said that it wasn't urine, it was doody. Sam said he didn't get that. Sam said he was one with this chick and thought that she was just jealous that she can't have him anymore. Howard continued to play the clip and Sam seemed to get more and more upset about what Jessica had done to him.
Howard said that their relationship fell apart when they started to goof on Jerry about dating Shoshauna Lonstein. Howard said that they always push things too far. He said he thought Jerry would find it funny that they were goofing on that but he apparently didn't and never came back on. Howard said he thinks that things are cool between them now but he's not even sure about that.
They played a K-Rock clip where Jerry Seinfeld was on the show and Howard was telling him about the Jessica Hahn and Sam Kinison incident. Howard said that he gets the feeling that Jerry doesn't want to be there and any appearance could be his last. Jerry said that every radio show he does has an idiot and you just have fun with it. Jerry said it can be scary coming on this show because Howard is so fast. Howard said that no one is as fast as Jerry. Howard figured it would be harder to do a show with an idiot. Jerry said that he goofs on those guys instead. He can't do that with Howard though.
Jerry said that he wouldn't come on if he didn't want to. He said that no one is out there making him come on. Jerry said he likes doing the show. Howard said he gets the feeling that he doesn't like them and he might feel like he's above them.
Jerry said that he finds Imus funny sometimes. Howard said that he's an old, pathetic jerk and told Jerry how that old skunk used to rip stuff off from his show. Howard said that the guy just steals his ideas and he sucks.
Jerry revealed that his TV show was picked up and they're going to start off with 4 specials. Howard said that was cool. They spent a little time talking about that and other TV shows like the Cosby Show. Howard said he doesn't find Cosby to be that funny. Jerry said that his stand-up is great. They spent a minute on that before wrapping up.
Today's History of Howard Stern was over around 10:45am. It continues tomorrow morning of course.
after that bit we heard host Jim Forbes talking about Ted the Janitor and how Howard let him speak out about disgraced Mayor Marion Barry.
That led into a K-Rock clip where Howard had Ted the Janitor come in as Mayor Marion Barry. Ted came in asking if they had any hash. Howard interviewed Ted as if he were Marion Barry and asked him about what was going on in his life. Ted ended up saying some stuff that he wasn't supposed to so Howard had to ask him not to use the S-word.
Howard also told Mayor Barry about Robin an asked him if he wanted to say hello to her. Ted was goofing around with her a little bit. Howie Mandel was sitting in and joked along with them on that stuff. Ted was also saying that he wanted to play ''road'' with Robin. That's where he lays her down and he does all the black topping.
Howard and Howie asked Ted more questions about the Mayor's problems and let him answer the way he wanted to. Ted was still talking about Robin and at one point he said ''Toot the Toot, she won't give me any of that boot!'' Ted had everyone in the studio laughing at his lines.
They played some audio of that interview Howard did with Steven back in 1990. Steven talked about his drug use and things like that. Howard was saying that Joe Perry needs Steven more than Steven needs him. Howard was talking to him about his wife and things like that as well. Howard asked what famous people he hangs around with and things like that as well. Steven said he hangs out with Ted Nugent so Howard asked him what that's like. Steven talked about that a little bit but didn't get into too many details.
Howard asked Steven if he cheats on his wife at all. Steven said of course. Steven said he really couldn't answer those questions when Howard was asking him what he does. Steven said that he really loves this woman so much. He said that he'd been married for 4 years.
Robin said that after the show took off they were able to start getting guests. Robin said that she would see these people on the couch and she thinks about how great comedians would go on the Merv Griffin show. She said that they would talk about the wild stuff they were doing and how cool she thought that was. She said she thinks that their show is now like that and a favorite spot for them to talk about their lives.
Richard Lewis talked about how he was told that he should start doing Howard Stern. He said that once he did the show he never stopped. Richard said that they used to sit around for hours going through news stories and stuff.
Howard said he remembers having Richard on the show because he had seen him on Letterman. Howard said it turned out that Richard had a similar relationship with Dave that he did.
Gary said that he had remembered seeing Richard Belzer on some shows and they'd have him come in and fuck with the news and stuff like that. It was always great stuff.
Richard Belzer said that he got more reaction from doing Howard's show than he did on any other show. He said that both coasts listened to him and he'd talk to cab drivers and people like that when he'd go on. Richard said that went on until Howard stopped having him on the show.
Richard Lewis said that Howard knows how to push his buttons and that's probably why they have such a good connection.
They played a K-Rock interview where Howard had both Richard Lewis and Richard Belzer in the studio. Howard was talking to Belzer about the settlement he made for being dropped on his head by Hulk Hogan. Belzer said he wasn't allowed to talk about the settlement. Howard said that he wanted to get into it anyway and asked him some questions about it. Belzer said he was going to stop doing this show and do the other shows on his station.
Howard said he had seen the tape of Belzer being dropped on his head and he could see what Hogan was going for because it appeared that Belzer asked to be put in a wrestling hold. Belzer said he had no recollection of that. Howard went through the story but Belzer was giving him a hard time about the questions. He'd make a joke about everything he said. Then Belzer got upset with Howard about the way he was being questioned and said that he was wrong about what he was thinking about the whole thing. Howard said that Belzer is so angry at the world. He said he was just trying to ask some questions.
Belzer told Howard about what he thought the crime was and said he didn't mean to turn on Howard. Howard said he wasn't trying to upset him. He told Belzer that he just can't talk to him. Belzer was still joking about it and had the guys laughing. Howard said he thinks that Belzer did deserve the money but he must have thought about the jury seeing the other side of the story. Belzer said that he has damage to his spine because of that incident.
Joan said that Howard thought she hated him but she was always a fan of his. She said that she was a champion of his whenever he was in trouble and even from the beginning. Howard said that having her on was a big feather in his cap. Howard said she's still able to come on his show and be relevant and she still has it with her quickness and all of that. He said he admires her for that. David Brenner said that if Joan became a man, she would be Howard Stern.
They played a K-Rock clip where Howard was having a mystery guest on the show and it turned out to be Joan. Howard and Robin asked Joan questions trying to figure out who she was. Joan was answering with sounds like dog barking and things like that. Howard thought it was a man at first. Joan was barking like a dog. Joan started to laugh and it sounded like Robin knew that it was Joan. Howard was trying to drag out the game longer so he wasn't guessing who it was. He eventually guessed it was her and claimed he didn't know as soon as Robin did.
Howard talked to Joan and said that he didn't think she liked him. Joan said she listens to the show all the time but she doesn't like it when he talks about her. She said she likes the show 90 percent of the time. Howard told her that he has found her attractive before. He said that he had talked about that with Robin. Howard said he was shocked that she was there on the show.
Howard spent a short time talking to Joan about her TV show and the interviews she did with some Tourette's syndrome people. Howard was also goofing around talking about Kathie Lee Gifford's new child. Howard and Joan spent a few more minutes talking and joking around. Howard said that it was great when they had good guests like that. He said it makes the show easier to do. Joan had her dog with her so Howard talked about that for a short time as she was leaving. They went to break after that.
They played a K-Rock clip where Howard had Jane Curtain (Billy West) on the phone to talk about a movie she was in the night before. Howard said that Jane was playing the part of a Bostonian woman in the show. Howard talked about the character she was playing and how the character was against black people moving into her neighborhood. Howard said that it must have been hard for her to play since she's not a racist herself. Jane said she had to do this Boston accent and yell racist stuff out.
Howard said he didn't have any clips of Jane doing the character so he asked her to do some of the lines for them live. She went into the voice and started yelling out the N-word and stuff like that. Jane was screaming out all of this racist stuff for a few minutes straight. She said that it was pretty brutal in the special that she was in. Billy kept up the heavy Boston accent for a few minutes before Howard wrapped up and told her to go have lunch with Larry Fine. Billy did a little bit of his Larry Fine voice after that.
That led into a K-Rock clip where Howard was talking to Lenny Kravitz and asking him to sing for them. Lenny said he wouldn't be able to sing but he would play guitar. Howard said he would sing for him if he wasn't going to do it. Howard and Lenny performed ''Let Love Rule'' together. Howard's singing was awful. Robin was also singing back up and sounded pretty awful. Robin told Howard he sounded pretty good. Lenny said that they had just made history.
Jim Forbes said that Howard got to perform on stage with some Rock and Roll royalty. That led into a K-Rock clip where Howard talked about playing up on stage with Leslie West an Sam Kinison and how he wasn't able to figure out what they were playing. He said that they turned down the guitar and didn't let him play. That turned out to be good. Howard said that Joe Walsh let him up on stage and he turned up his guitar all the way so everyone could hear how awful he was. Howard said he was lost within seconds of starting the song.
They had some audio from that performance and then a clip of Joe Walsh talking about that night. He said that Howard is hesitant to come to their concerts now. He said that Howard froze up on stage when he had him up there. Joe said that he pointed to Howard and told him to take a solo and Howard just panicked. Joe said that it was probably some emotional trauma that he had to go to a shrink for. Joe said that Howard won't come near him anymore.
They had some K-Rock audio of Howard talking about the night he was up on stage with Joe Walsh and screwing up songs. Howard said that he was trying to get some ideas of what to play but no one was able to help him. Howard said he wasn't even able to fake it because it all sounded like crap. Howard said he felt like crawling into a hole and dying. Howard said they eventually lowered his amp and he was able to play a little bit of something. Howard said that Joe turned up his amp all the way after that and they were all laughing. It was only funny to Joe and the guys on stage though. Howard said that someone yelled at him in the crowd about how awful he was. He said the guy called him an F'n A'hole. Howard said that's all he heard.
Ronnie the Limo Driver talked about how great it was to see these people performing on the show. He said he loved being there first hand to see that stuff.
We heard from Leslie West about the night Howard performed with them. He said that he pulled Howard's cord out so no one could hear him. Leslie said that he told Howard to keep playing even though Howard complained that he couldn't hear his guitar.
They played some audio from that performance of Wild Thing where Howard was supposed to be playing with Leslie and Sam Kinison.
We heard a K-Rock clip of Howard talking about that night he went up to perform with Leslie and Sam. Howard said this roadie told him that they weren't going to plug him in. Howard said he was supposed to just go on and play air guitar. Howard said that he was going to be playing air guitar in front of 5,000 people. Howard told the guy that he was going to go out there only if he had an amp. Howard said the may not be the best guitar player but he was going to go out and play. Howard talked about what a nightmare that turned out to be. He said that he ended up jamming with Stuttering John out there because they were kind of pushing him off the side of the stage.
Next up we heard a phony news report about an article that was out about Howard having a sandwich named after him. That story was from USA Today on April 5, 1990.
They played a K-Rock clip where Howard was talking to Sam and Gilbert Gottfried came walking in. Sam and Gilbert started to goof around with each other immediately. Gilbert was going to do his Dice impression and people were going to think it was him and get upset about the stuff he was saying. Sam said that the problem is that Dice was never as funny as Gilbert so they shouldn't have to worry about that.
Howard suggested that Gilbert go out as Gilbert Dice Clay or something like that. Sam told him he could change the name to Gilbert Yahtzee Clay. Gilbert said it could also be Gilbert Checkers Clay.
After a fast forward we heard Howard calling Sam and Gilbert Goofus and Gallant. Howard was trying to do a live commercial at the time and Sam was helping while Gilbert was interrupting and giving him a hard time.
Howard told Sam if he wanted to get back at Gilbert he should just let him smell his fingers for a few minutes. That led to the guys bringing in Sam's girlfriend Sabrina. They spent a minute talking to her.
Before they went to break we heard a Captain Janks prank call to a call in show. Janks asked what the square root of Howard Stern's asshole was on this call in show. They ignored the question and moved on. They went to break after that.
After that we heard a current clip of Fred talking about how the ratings were like a curious experiment back then. Howard talked about how insane he was and how he gets this craziness in him where he has got to win. Howard said he thought the entire radio industry was against him. He said he thought they were taking his material and, in his mind, that's what John DeBella was doing. Howard said he had to be heard all over the country and became obsessed with that.
They played another K-Rock clip where Howard was talking about his plans for this DeBella funeral they were going to be doing. Howard said he was going to have a press conference early in the morning and they'd all be in costumes. Howard said that they would have a big casket at the press conference and they'll have Scott the Engineer laying in it playing the part of DeBella. Howard said that the fans had better make sure that they win in the ratings.
Howard said they would then have a funeral somewhere but he's not sure where yet. Howard said that he's not sure where DeBella is at but they'll do a big thing there. Howard said that they'll have song parodies and all of that stuff there. Howard said someone suggested that they bury DeBella inside of Jessica Hahn but he didn't want to make her suffer more.
After that clip we heard Andy Bloom talking about the way things went with Howard down in Philly. He said that 3 years after Howard went in down there Howard finally beat DeBella after a long fight. We also heard a fake news report from a newspaper article about Howard beating DeBella in the ratings finally. We heard from Gary, Andy Bloom and others about how big Howard's ratings were back then.
They played a K-Rock clip where Howard was starting the show and talking to Robin about having her breasts reduced. Robin said that everyone was trying to look at them. She said she still had stitches in. Howard asked if they were completely gone. Howard said he saw a picture of Heather Locklear and she looked like she had implants put in. Howard said that his vacation turned out to be great. Howard asked Robin if she was up for it. Robin said she was ready to come back to work. She said she'd had enough of staying home.
Howard then said that he was going to make a big announcement. He said that they're full of themselves. Howard said he got the New York ratings and they were huge. Howard said that Tom called him during vacation and he's not supposed to do that. Howard said he had some good news for him so he picked up. Howard said he went through the roof in Philly too. Howard said they beat the morning zoo there in New York. Howard said the Philly ratings came out the next morning and he got all worked up and was ready to come back to work for a day after he found out they kicked that jerk's ass in the ratings.
Howard talked about how huge their ratings turned out to be and how they crushed DeBella. Howard said DeBella thought that he would never beat him and it's just too cool that they did. Howard said he wanted to get some Number 1 pins or something to wear around so they can rub it in people's face. Howard said that Andy Bloom told him that DeBella had called an air staff meeting after the ratings came out and put his show on hold for a half hour. Howard said he doesn't know if Andy found out what was going on in that meeting or not.
Howard said that DeBella made himself the program director at his station and he must have been blaming everyone else for the ratings drop. Howard said he can't wait to go down there and hold his funeral.
We heard a current clip of Howard talking about how he could have done a classier show if he didn't go down and do that funeral. He said that if he was so good he could have just continued to do his show. Howard said he had to explain to his audience that they had to only listen to him and he just wasn't able to hold back. Howard said that it wasn't a very classy way to handle things back then. Howard said he looks back now and thinks he was out of his mind back then.
We heard another K-Rock clip where Howard was ordering some flowers from a sponsor for the DeBella funeral. The woman wanted to know how he was going to pay for the order. She said she had to get a supervisor to help out since she had no clue what was going on. The supervisor got on and tried to help them out. Howard said that they had just beat another guy in the ratings and that's why they were ordering this stuff. The woman who was taking his order got back on the phone so Howard had some fun talking to her.
Howard went through the order process but didn't have an address to send the wreath to. Howard wanted a funeral wreath to send to the guy. The woman told him that it was going to cost about $125 or $150. Howard wanted it to say ''Rest in Peace you Jackass'' but he wasn't sure if he could say that. She told Howard he could say whatever he wanted to. Howard said that he would have it say ''Eat it you Peckerhead.'' Howard said he wanted that on the card. Then he wanted ''Rot in Peace Dick Boy'' on the wreath. Jackie was laughing his ass off as Howard gave her those lines. The woman taking the order was reading the lines off and that made Jackie laugh even more. The order taker read the stuff off again and Howard made some changes to the line ''Eat it'' and changed that to ''Eat Me.'' She was going to try and make the delivery happen before noon but she wasn't sure she could make that happen. Howard let her go after she got all of the information.
Next up we heard a current clip of Artie talking about the vicious side of Howard that can come out sometimes. He said that's what was going on back then. Artie said that most people can be like that but hide it pretty well. He said he figures that Letterman might be like that but he hides it better. Artie said there were times when you might think he went too far but that's what gets you interested in the show. He said it was insane how quickly Howard rose to prominence. Artie said they had brought DeBella up on the show recently and talked about how DeBella just happened to get in the way of his show when he was testing out for syndication. Howard had told him that he had to kick ass immediately before he could get on in Los Angeles.
We heard a clip from a David Letterman interview that Howard did where he was talking about his ratings. Howard had some pictures of the guy he was up against down in Philly. Howard said he thinks that they beat him in the hair department as well as the ratings. He told Dave that he was going to have a big funeral for the guy down in Philly. He said it was a ''Death to the Zoo'' party and they'd be doing it on May 11th.
After that clip we heard John DeBella talking about how he can't judge the way he performs based on the way other people perform. John said he's not an attacker and he doesn't work the way Howard does. John said that when people stop by his show it's like they're stopping by his house. John said he thought Howard took it a little far with the way he acted but that's just his way of thinking. John said he wouldn't do it like that but if that's the way Howard wanted to do it, that's fine.
They played a K-Rock clip where Howard and the crew were singing their ''Baldie, Baldie'' song parody. Then we heard Robin talking about how scary Philly was. She said that they had planned all of this stuff on the air to go down there and took a bus down. They stopped at Al's Diamond Cabaret where they have fully nude strippers. She said that they were about half way between New York and Philly when they stopped there.
Scott the Engineer said he decided not to go into that place. He said he sat in the bus for a while and it was just him and Robin. He said that he was going to get into trouble if he had gone in there. Scott said that he eventually went in there but he doesn't remember what happened.
Next up we heard a news report about the Philly funeral. They reported on some of the people who had shown up for that. They had Jessica Hahn, Joe Frazier and the casket with someone playing the part of John DeBella. They also had some audio from the press conference that they had done. They had an interview with John DeBella who said he didn't feel dead. He said it wasn't over yet.
They played some more K-Rock audio where Howard was in Rittenhouse Square within viewing distance of DeBella's show. Howard said that Scott looked kind of like DeBella with the fake teeth in his mouth. Howard said that they were going to be doing all kinds of stuff to goof on DeBella that morning. He said they had a whole stage set up so they could do all of this stuff.
The press started to show up so Howard wondered how he was supposed to handle it. Howard said that this was a bigger shock to them than it was for anyone else. Howard said that they were going to hit the streets and then bury the zoo keeper (DeBella) in effigy. Billy West was doing his Larry Fine impression and telling the press to shut up because they were trying to do a radio show.
Howard said they had about 150 press members there. A short time later he gave a statement to the press and talked about his huge ratings and goofed on the people out there in the audience. Howard told the press to eat him since they've dumped on him for so long. Howard said it was about time they became number 1 and they're very proud of it. They went to break a short time later.
Gary said that he remembered stepping out on stage and seeing people as far as he could see. He said they were number one and a huge number one. Robin said that was the first time they saw the rabid fandom that was just crazy. She said the people were amazing and they loved everything that they were doing on the show. Fred said that was scary. He said that it was as close to being the Beatles as they might ever come.
They played another K-Rock clip where Howard was getting ready to go outside to do some stuff on stage. He said that there were thousands of people out there. Howard had the guys start the funeral procession and went out on stage a short time later. Howard asked the crowd what they thought so far. The crowd went nuts. Howard said they were going to perform Amazing Grace next and then asked the crowd how the Zoo Keeper was feeling this morning. He started chanting ''He sucks'' over and over. Then they sang a parody of Amazing Grace. They sang about DeBella losing his ratings to them. After that song Howard said he could think of just two things after that. Jessica Hahn's breasts.
Next we heard a current clip of Jessica Hahn talking about the funeral. She said that was probably the greatest moment she ever had on that show. She said that she was wearing a fishnet thing without a bra on and she thought that they were going to be arrested for that. Howard said he used to ask Jessica to try on clothes and stuff for him and she'd come out in bathing suits and stuff and just let them look at her. Howard said they loved Jessica on the show. She was always letting her nips hang out and stuff like that.
Andy Bloom said that the funerals were the greatest moments on the show ever. He said that Jessica may have stolen the show that day but Joe Frazier was a great guest too. They talked about how great it was there because they were right across from the studio that DeBella was working in. They had the shades down and were trying to pretend that they weren't even there.
John DeBella said that they knew the funeral was going on and he did draw the curtains so he wouldn't see what was going on. He said it would have been a distraction to him. He said he was just doing his job and trying to entertain the people who were listening to him. John said that when the day was over, he wasn't dead.
We heard more of the K-Rock audio where Howard was talking about his ratings win and how he was up against all odds to win. Howard said they saw a picture of DeBella's face and just laughed. He said that he saw a picture of his ass and said ''Twins!'' and laughed. Howard went off on DeBella for a few minutes telling one liner jokes. They performed another song parody about DeBella after that. Then they dropped a picture of DeBella and covered it up with a picture of Howard after splashing it with paint. Then they hung DeBella in effigy. Howard said that they were pushing him out into the crowd after that. They sang their song parody ''Baldie, Baldie'' after that.
Next up we heard Scott the Engineer talking about how they got off the stage at the end of the show and had to run out. They had no other way out other than Ronnie's limo. Scott said there were about 10 people that crammed into the limo and people were chasing them down the street. Scott said that it was unbelievable that they were being chased the way they were.
Fred said that the car was rocking and they weren't sure they were going to live through it. He said that he didn't know what was going to happen in that moment. Howard said that the fans almost turned the car over that day. He said that it was kind of scary and he was afraid that they were going to have the car crushed or something.
Howard said that he didn't think anything like that had ever happened in the history of radio. He said he's sure DeBella didn't like it. He said they were like crazed dogs back then.
We heard a TV news report about the Philly funeral after that. They had interviews with some people from the funeral and some people who were there protesting Howard while he was there. They had DeBella responding to the funeral saying ''I'm not dead folks! I'm not dead!''
Andy Bloom said that DeBella did that all wrong and popped up out of a casket and said that he wasn't dead. He said that was the wrong way to go about it. John DeBella said that he did a press conference and got into the casket and did the press conference. DeBella said that he didn't know what they expected him to do when he lost his number 1 spot. He said he was going to keep going forward in his career. John said he sunk from number 1 to number 2. There were 34 other stations that would have gladly taken that position.
We heard another TV news report where they played some of DeBella's press conference. John said that he had been number 1 for 5 years and he didn't think it was going to keep going the way it was.
They played a K-Rock clip where Howard spoke to Jessica about that bathtub incident. Howard said he thought he could have had Jessica that night. They spent a minute on that clip.
Then we heard from Jackie's wife Nancy. Nancy said she had tuned in to hear the story and she got upset with Jackie for getting into the tub with a naked woman. Jackie said that they were supposed to go to Venice and Paris the next morning so he had to smooth things out with her. He said that his therapist told him what to do and he ended up making his apology on the air the next morning.
They played the K-Rock clip where Jackie made his special apology to Nancy over the Jessica Hahn bathtub incident. Jackie asked Howard not to make a mockery out of it. He said he didn't want to make a mockery out of the whole thing. Jackie then said that he was done. After the speech Howard told Jackie he loves him and loves Fred too.
We heard a current clip of Jackie talking about how that really hurt his wife and he just wanted to have a great vacation with her in Paris and Venice. He said that he didn't think that he was crazy at all. Nancy said that he wasn't forced to make that apology, it was Jackie's idea to do it.
Next up we heard a K-Rock clip where a guy said that it sounds like Jackie is whipped. Howard pulled out that apology clip again and said that he has Jackie's wife pegged. He figured that she yelled about the tub thing and it must have been a huge fight. Then it must have been her talking about how hurt she was by the whole thing. Howard said that Jackie did nothing wrong. He said he has video tape of what went on but he will have to edit it. Howard said Jackie really didn't do anything wrong though.
Jackie said he wasn't even listening. Howard said he's excused from the conversation then. Jackie said he didn't have any respect for Howard or Robin. He said that Robin has no idea what a relationship is and Howard couldn't tell the truth if he had a gun to his head. Robin told Jackie that he made this their business when he took the whole apology to the air. Jackie told Robin that she was a trouble maker and a pain in his ass. Jackie told her to shut up. Howard said that's not fair.
Jackie said that it was part of his personal life that they were taking up on the air. Howard and Robin said that they were doing it for the show, it wasn't personal. Howard said that he's more on Jackie's side than he even knows.
Gary came in and said that he had Jessica Hahn on the phone. Howard figured that Jackie wouldn't even talk if he put her on. Robin wondered if Nancy had suggested the apology. Howard said he thinks that's the way it went down. He did an impression of Jackie doing the apology for Nancy. Howard said everyone was writing in about it and wondering what was going on there.
Robin wondered if they were going to play tape of the apology. The caller on the line asked them to please play it. He said he wanted to see the video tape from the Jessica Hahn thing too. Howard said there's actually no tape of him in the tub with Jessica because it was really nothing. Howard said he could hear Fred doing his humming thing in the background. That led to Fred making an apology like Jackie had done with his wife.
We heard a current clip of Jessica Hahn talking about how she had another visitor in the tub that night. It was Stuttering John and when he jumped in, the water turned black. Jessica said that she had a lot of fun that night and it was so funny too.
They played another K-Rock clip where Howard and Robin talked about John turning the water black in the tub that night. Fred said that Jessica yelled out ''You soiled my water!'' when he did that. John came in and said that he showers every day and he doesn't know why the water turned black. Howard said he saw it happen and he knows that she wasn't making that up. Howard said that it wasn't his pants or anything so it wasn't dirty jeans. Howard said he thinks that it was skid marks in his underwear.
Howard said that Jessica's suds were going down so Jessica was freaking out. John then jumped in and the water just turned black. John said that there's no way it was black. Howard said he'll see it when Fred shows him the tape. Howard said he may release a videotape of that whole experience.
Fred said that Jessica was yelling about the water changing color and it sounded like she had an axe to her head or something. They played a quick clip of that yelling after that. Jessica was screaming like she was being killed or something. She was yelling about the water color change and got all upset about him soiling it. Jackie said they were real sorry about that. Then he pointed out how dirty the water was.
Howard said he had never heard a reaction like that from a woman before. Howard said he was in the fetal position in the tub while that was going on. Howard said she was spinning in the tub to get away from John. Robin said that John thought she hated him after that. She said that John was going around saying ''She hates me'' when he came back. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said that he told these people that he hasn't been given the chance to give it a try yet. He felt like he could do on TV what he did on radio. Howard said they just have to give him a chance to try it out. Howard told Robin that he wants to control everything like he does on radio but on TV they don't really let you control it. He said he's devised a way to work that out though. Howard said Jackie might be there holding a boom mic for the guests.
Howard said he has a plan on how to get that whole thing together. He said that it will require work though. Howard said he might just leave radio and move to TV. He said he spoke to his wife about it and thinks that he might just have to go out on a wing and a prayer and do the TV show like he did the radio show. They didn't have contracts at the time so they could do that.
After that clip we heard Jim Forbes talking about Howard making the news official about the TV show. They went right into a K-Rock clip where Howard made the announcement about the TV deal. Howard did a drum roll and said that he had made the deal. A caller asked what station he was going to be on. Howard said that he didn't want anyone telling John Cardinal O'Connor where he was going because he'd go after him. Howard said that guy wasn't pleased the last time he signed a TV deal.
Howard said he signed on with MCA, which might be one of the largest companies ever. Howard said that it was a cool company but, unfortunately, they own channel 9. Howard said that they'll be on in 70 markets because WWOR is syndicated.
We heard from Joan Rivers who remembered that show. She said that Angela revealed nothing on the show until Howard came out. Howard started grilling her and she finally said that David had slept with Mick Jagger. Joan said that Howard had given her a great show that day because it made news all over the world.
They played a clip from that interview on the Joan Rivers show where Howard got that news out of Angela. Joan introduced Howard and then he came out and said that he had to get Angie Bowie back out there because she didn't really have much to say during that interview. Howard told Joan to get her back out there and he'd question her. Howard said there must be something on her mind because she was begging to go on all of these shows.
Angie came out and Howard asked her about David Bowie being bi-sexual. She said that David did bring a man home one time. Howard asked her if she was upset with David over that and what it was that went on along the way. Howard asked if he did something during the wedding night or something. Then Angie said that she had caught David in bed with Mick Jagger. That got a huge reaction from Howard and the audience there at the show. Joan was pissed that she gave Howard that news and not her. Joan said that she even paid for Angie's ticket to get there and she didn't give them the news during her interview. Howard and Joan talked about the revelation and tried to get more out of her. Joan had to go to commercial break in the middle of that interview.
Next up we heard a current clip of Joan talking about how great Howard is at doing interviews like that.
They played some audio from K-Rock where Howard was playing that interview that John had done with Ted Williams. John asked a couple of softball questions and then asked him if he thanked god that he didn't have to work for George Steinbrenner. Then John asked if he ever accidentally farted in the catcher's face. Ted asked John who the hell he was to ask that question and said ''See ya later!''
Howard and the guys got a laugh out of that and Howard said he couldn't handle hearing it again. Robin told him to replay it but Howard couldn't bring himself to do it again.
Stuttering John said that there were worse questions in there but he couldn't even get to them. Gary said that Ted was one of those guys who didn't get along with the fans. He was just an angry guy. Howard ended up replaying the clip but said he wasn't going to be listening. He said he might have to take a look at the video tape though.
John said that the fans got really mad at him for pissing the guy off. Howard replayed the clip and said that he liked the way John just said ''Okay!'' when Ted told him to get out of there.
We heard from Richard Simmons who was saying there were times when he didn't want to do the Stern Show because Howard was being such a bully to him. He said that there were times when he just wanted to stop doing it.
Fred said that they used to take clips of Richard's tapes and throw in more clips of Richard saying other stuff and Richard would jump over and try to rip the carts out of the cart rack. He said they used to yank him around on the show a lot. He said they would promise not to do that stuff anymore but they'd have him come back 6 months later and they'd do the exact same thing.
They played a K-Rock clip where Richard Simmons came into the studio with a bagel. Howard figured that was a lot of food to be eating. Richard said that it was only 2 bread points on his Deal-A-Meal cards. Howard said that if he brought those cards to his house he'd take them, rip them up and shove them down his pants.
Howard had to take a break and said that he would talk to Richard after that. He asked Richard to talk like a man and please not hug him. Richard wanted to hug him but Howard really didn't want to smell like him. Howard said that he really smells and he can't stand that. Richard said that he was wearing some perfume and it's the same stuff that Ivana Trump wears.
Howard asked Richard if he had any pictures of men or young boys on his Deal-A-Meal cards. Richard threatened to walk out. Then they played some audio from one of Richard's video tapes where they had Fred doing his gay voice and making the tape sound dirty. Howard said that sounded X-rated to him. Richard asked him to stop playing it. He begged Howard to give him the tape. Howard said that the tape had changed his life. He continued to play it and got Richard more and more freaked out. It sounded like a gay porn tape after they got done with it.
Howard asked Richard what he was doing there. Richard said he wasn't going to get off of that so quickly. He said that they did dirty things to that tape. Howard said they did not. Richard offered to trade him some Barbie dolls for that tape. Howard played more of the tapes. Richard was laughing at times so it wasn't clear if he was upset about them or not.
Howard said that he had to go to break but Robin was talking about going to a show with Richard and he was ''wooing'' at it. Howard told Richard to come back in since he was starting to walk out again. Howard said his whole genitalia were hanging out of those shorts of his. Howard asked if they were going to watch the Mets game or play with dolls when he came over.
In the K-Rock clip we heard Howard talking about Elephant Boy going on the Uncle Floyd show. Howard wondered if the guy can create his own show. That led to Gary talking about how they have this group of people that come on the show. Howard said that they're like a Rat Pack on the show but they're a bunch of wacky people. He said that they had people like the Newsletter guy, Captain Janks, Elephant Boy and others. Howard said the old pack of people kind of broke up and moved apart. Howard said that was their first rat pack. Howard said that they were the ''Wack Pack.'' Howard said the new Wack Pack are these other new people to the show. Howard said that they had Kevin, Captain Janks, Elephant Boy and others.
We heard a current clip of Gary talking about those Wack Pack members and how they would hang out together in their time off listening to tapes of the show talking about Howard and what went on with the show. Gary said that sometimes they would even fuck each other and that was just weird and gross.
They ended today's show around 10:10am.
After that we heard host Jim Forbes talking about Howard's next shot at doing a TV series after the FOX pilots didn't work out. Howard talked about how he didn't know what the channel 9 show was going to be. He said that they pitched an idea to him and he had no idea what they were going to do.
We heard from Michael Alexander who worked at WWOR back then and he said that they had this guy Bob Woodruff working for them who came to him and pitched the Howard Stern Show idea. He said they wanted to give the TV show the feel of the radio show. He said it was Bob who came up with the idea and convinced them to try it.
Channel 9 show director Dan Forman talked about how he was willing to volunteer to help out with the show. He said they said okay to that but Howard was horrified. Dan said he was running the news department so Howard didn't like that he was going to have him as a director.
Howard said that Dan looks kind of like Alfred E. Newman and he thought he was fucked when he saw him sitting there in the meeting for the show. Then he found out he was from the news department. Howard Dan was very willing to help out with the show and he knew what he needed. It turned out he understood funny and he knew how to facilitate funny people.
Dan said that he was still the assistant news director at the time and he was working on both the news and on Howard's show.
Howard said he was so busy writing the TV show and working on the radio show that he needed someone to follow through on all of the stuff they were doing at the TV show. Dan was phenomenal at doing that.
Dan talked about an idea that Howard had to find out what other people have done before. They went to the museum of Broadcasting and looked at tape after tape of old shows and found that they weren't that funny. He said they learned that they had to do a better job than that.
After that we heard a news report about the new Howard Stern TV show from the WWOR news team. They had some clips from the show and Howard talking about what the show was going to be like.
Next up we heard Fred talking about how that show probably never should have been on TV. He said the show was really out there and the people there probably had no idea what they were getting into. Fred said Howard wanted to do some different stuff and do it on a shoestring budget. Fred said they had hardly any guests at all and that's what they had to work around. Howard talked about how the fans wanted an event and he had to make the show work like that.
We heard a clip from David Letterman's show where Howard was on promoting the new TV show and telling Dave he wasn't sure if he was going to leave radio to do a TV show. Howard said that he doesn't get treated seriously on radio. Howard told Dave that he went on the Joan Rivers show and went on with a hidden camera and ended up talking to Joan about how upset she was at the Emmy awards since she had lost her husband. Howard said he sat her down and told Joan that he wanted to be with her very badly. He said that they have that video to use on his channel 9 show. Howard said he also had a blind 29 year old guy who claimed to be a virgin on the show. Dave cut him off and wouldn't let him finish that story.
We heard more from Dan Forman about the show and how they taped it ahead of time. Dan said that it was pretty wild for those days and they were doing that so they could edit it the way they wanted.
Jim Forbes said that the Howard Stern Summer Show premiered on July 14, 1990. They went into a clip from the first show. In the clip Howard introduced everyone and talked about the guests they were going to have on. They had Jessica Hahn and Richard Belzer scheduled to appear. Howard had Gary show off his caps on that show and said that it was the ugliest TV show in America. Howard said that they had some Stuttering John interviews to play too.
After that clip we heard Gary talking about Kenneth Keith Kallenbach being on that first show. Gary said that he remembers having him on multiple times and they never were able to see him blowing smoke out of his eyes.
They played a clip from that show where Howard brought Kenneth out to try his trick for them. Howard spent a short time interviewing Kenneth before having him attempt the trick. Ken would take a puff off a cigarette, hold his nose and then try to blow smoke out of his tear ducts. It never worked well enough for anyone to see it. Ken would turn red as he held his breath trying to force it out of his eyes. Everyone on the show laughed their asses off when they saw it. Ken would tell them ''Ho'd on, ho'd on'' and try it again. Fred played a fart sound as Ken was trying it once. Gary thought Kenneth was going to pass out.
After that Dan Forman said that he thinks he saw smoke coming out that day. He said Howard denies that so there is some controversy over that. Jessica Hahn said that she saw Ken back stage and he did the stunt for her back in the green room. She said she's not sure what she saw back then and just told Kenneth that he did a good job. She said that his eyes looked like they were going to bleed from trying so hard.
After that we heard a more current clip where Howard and the guys were talking about the shows and how they wouldn't let him show Ken's puking that day. Howard said they would blur it out if someone threw up on the show. He said the first moment was when Ken threw up on his feet. He thought it was very funny that he had vomited on him but channel 9 edited it out. Howard said they told him they can't show bodily fluids on the channel. Howard said they were way too uptight. Howard said that was Ken's second appearance on the show. Then he was doing a sketch with Linda Blair where they did an ''Exorcist'' parody and they wanted to block out the vomit because they were saying that it was vomit. It was fake puke though so it took him a week to convince them of that. They played a quick clip from that vomiting scene after that.
Gary said another big moment on that show was when Joe Walsh came on and played Desperado for them and he wasn't supposed to do that. He ended up getting into trouble with the Eagles over that.
They played a clip from that WWOR show where Joe Walsh was on with Sam Kinison. Joe talked to Howard about how things were going with The Eagles and how he would upset Don Henley if he played Desperado on the show. Howard told Joe to play it. Joe went on to play the song.
After that we heard Gary talking about how Joe called him all night after that performance because he knew that he was going to get into trouble over that. That's when Joe left him a message saying that they were no longer friends. They played a clip of that answering machine message where Joe told him not to talk to him ever again.
We heard from Joe Walsh talking about how that got blown out of proportion a bit. Joe said that he doesn't blame the band for getting upset because it just kind of happened and he hadn't thought it through. Joe said that he should have had respect for Don and Glen as song writers. Joe said he knew that after he did it that it probably wasn't that smart and he wanted to stop it from airing. Joe said that he called his manager and let him know what was going on. Joe tried to shut it down by getting heavy with Gary.
We heard a current clip where Howard, Gary, Robin and Artie were all talking about that show with Joe Walsh. Howard was saying that Joe got into a lot of trouble with the band. Howard said Joe ended up getting mad at them for letting him put that song on. Gary said Joe must have called his house 20 times telling them not to run the show. Gary said that the next day Joe said that they were no longer friends. Gary also said that Don Henley was so upset about it that it set back the Eagles reunion by 3 years.
In that clip Howard talked about bringing in Mark Cronin as a writer. Howard said that 90 percent of the writing was him, Fred and Jackie. They had Sam Kinison on a show. They had Gilbert on as ''Gilbert Dice Clay'' and he was making fun of a gay comedian that was on the show.
After that clip we heard Gilbert Gottfried talking about going on that show as Dice and how he got into some trouble over some of the stuff he was doing. He said he thinks that Dice is just happy that his name is out there.
We heard from Dice who said that he thinks that Gilbert's impression of him was phenomenal. He said that he's not very talkative off the air but when he goes into that character he's great. He also likes that he does the character in a good way and doesn't put him down like other people do.
They played a channel 9 show clip where Gilbert was doing that Dice impression and talking to this gay comedian who they called Gay Jaffe. Gilbert was throwing out a bunch of lines about his homosexuality and goofing on the guy. Howard did his interview with the guy while Gilbert would throw out those comments every few seconds and give him the Dice ''OHHHH!'' every time.
We heard a current clip of Jackie talking about how fun it was doing that show. He said that his belly was shown prominently on many shows.
They played another channel 9 show clip where Howard was talking to his mother about his ass problems and how he blames his mother for not training him how to wipe correctly.
They had a clip of Robin talking about how fun some of the stuff they did with Richard Simmons was. They once had him on with Michael Hebranco and they were dropping food down to them as they were doing the interview. Jackie talked about how they had the food on a fishing pole trying to get him to grab the food.
They played the audio of that show where Richard Simmons was on talking about going around meeting the people who have been losing weight with his Deal-A-Meal cards. Howard said that Richard's genitals hang out of his shorts and he wanted to point that out in the video of him that they had. Richard was getting upset about the way he was treating him and said Gary told him he was going to be treated well. Then they dropped down the food on the fishing pole trying to get them to grab the food. Michael had lost 706 pounds so Richard had him talking about that.
Howard tried again to get them to take the food he was dangling in front of them. This time it was an uncooked chicken. Howard congratulated the two of them for resisting the food and told them that they should be proud.
Host Jim Forbes said that the summer shows were a success on TV but they weren't allowed to talk about them on radio. Tom Chiusano said that they didn't want him to promote these other projects that Howard was working on. He said that they figured they had the right to participate in the other projects Howard was working on.
We heard from Howard about that and how he went to Mel and they would butt heads on that stuff sometimes. Howard said he would tell Mel that he had to be allowed to comment on the stuff he was doing in his life. He said that just talking about it would make people laugh. Howard said that he told Mel that it was all one big thing and a synergy that they had going on. Tom Chiusano said that it was still a business and it would turn into a conflict sometimes.
In an old K-Rock clip we heard Howard and Robin talking about how they weren't able to talk about what they were doing for the past two weeks. Howard said that these businessmen get a hold of him and won't let him talk about this stuff. Howard said it's kind of ridiculous. Howard said that they haven't got a clue as to what he does when it comes to that stuff.
Howard and Robin talked about how they weren't able to talk about what they did for the past two weeks even though they were doing the same thing. Howard said he was going to try and handle it the best way he could. He wasn't sure if he could take phone calls. He said that they might bring up what he was working on. Howard said he was stumped there.
Howard said he was going to call this thing ''project x'' since they weren't going to let him talk about it. Howard talked about the critics evaluating him on the one show that did air. Howard read an article about Project X where they talked about his ratings and picked the show apart. Howard said they reviewed the one show but not the second show and he found that kind of odd.
Howard talked about the reviews he got and said that no one ever gives him a positive review. He said that they did come in number one with the Project X and he thinks that it will continue.
We heard a current clip of Howard talking about how Mel eventually came around and he was able to talk about the show on the radio show.
They played another K-Rock clip where Howard and Gary were talking about how thin Robin was looking. Gary had walked in on her in her dressing room and saw her naked. Howard said Gary didn't know that the door didn't lock and he was in a rush to make a phone call. He walked right in on her not knowing that she was even still there. Howard said Gary thought that Robin had stolen his moustache when he saw her naked.
Gary said that he actually didn't see anything. He said that Robin screamed and that scared him. Gary said he did notice that she was wearing a bra. He said that her butt looked good. He said he thinks she looks fine and he really didn't see much of anything. He didn't get a chance to study her.
Howard asked if there were any potholes in her cheeks. Gary said she didn't have any. Howard asked if her ass looked like Bill Murray. Howard said his ass has some potholes in it but he's working on getting rid of those. Howard said there's a lot of road construction going on with his ass.
Howard cut a stinky fart in the studio and the guys were all getting grossed out. Howard said that Fred gets really grossed out by it but Jackie doesn't seem to mind it too much. Jackie said that he doesn't mind it when he does it himself. Howard said he may have made in his pants. He wanted to check to make sure he didn't. He was afraid that he was going to have to bury his underpants in the back yard. Howard said his underpants look like a Rorschach test. They went to break a short time later.
Howard talked about what a drain of energy that show turned out to be. He said he wanted to make the show bigger and bigger as it was going on so he had to be able to talk about it on the radio show. He said Mel eventually came around and let him do that.
Dan Forman talked about how crazy it was working on the show and how they would be dead after working on it all afternoon and evening on Fridays. Then they would go to Howard's house and edit the show. Howard said that he's not sure what he would have done without Dan Forman there helping him out with everything.
They played a K-Rock clip where Howard and Robin were talking about the format of the channel 9 shows and how crazy their schedules were when they were doing them. Howard said that he was busy typing all day long an it was a lot of work. He talked about having Dan Forman over to edit the show at his house. He said they were doing that every Saturday. Then they'd start the process all over again on Monday. Howard said it was unbelievable and there's no way anyone could maintain that schedule.
Howard said that Dan would always ask them what they wanted to do that week and they'd have to come up with all of their ideas. Then they'd have to come up with their plan for that week. Gary said that Dan would try to help them come up with stuff and Dan would mumble something about it when they'd throw ideas out. Howard said that they spent most of their Monday meetings goofing on each other. Then he, Jackie and Fred would go and write the show on their own at some point during the week.
Howard said that he'd talk about the stuff on the Monday after and the staff would get upset about it. He said that they would always find out about what he was talking about on the air. Jackie said they had the worst guests and they were lucky to get them. They never did get great guests on a regular basis. Howard talked about some of those guests that they had on. He told a story about Kitty Carlisle and Arlene Francis coming on the show to play a ''What's My Line'' parody and Arlene had no idea what she was getting into. Howard said they were going to blindfold Kitty, Arlene and Robin and they were going to have these conjoined twins wheeled in. The contestants were going to have to guess who they were.
Howard said they were about 10 minutes from taping the show and Dan came up to him and told him they had a problem. Dan told him that the talent coordinator at the time had gone up to see the twins and found that they were very hard to look at. Howard said that it was really a problem so Dan ran up to look at them. Dan couldn't believe his eyes. Howard said he wanted to go for it even though Dan didn't want to. Howard said his judgment call was to have them on but Dan wanted him to go up and look at them.
We heard a current clip of Gary talking about how Jackie wanted to take a look at the twins so he went up like he needed a pencil. Jackie explained what they looked like and how their heads were attached. Jackie said he was trying to sneak a glance at them. He said he walked out of the room and got a cold chill up his back and realized that people were probably doing that to them their whole lives. He said he felt like such a twerp for trying to sneak a peak in that way.
They played more of the K-Rock audio where Howard talked about that day when they had the conjoined twins on the show. Jackie said Howard was going to pull out a carpenter's saw to pretend like he was going to separate the girls. Howard said that Kitty and Arlene probably would have dropped dead if they had seen the twins. Dan came to him and told him that they had a model that was there who was a lesbian and a Miss New York State or something like that. Howard said he ended up doing the ''What's my Line'' with that girl instead. He said the two old ladies were out of their minds when they saw that they had a lesbian there.
Robin said they were almost ready to walk. She said that Kitty had asked Arlene if they should walk out. Arlene told her that they couldn't walk out in the middle of it. Gary said that Kitty was out of her mind that day and told him to never call her again.
They played a clip from the channel 9 show where Howard revealed the lesbian to Robin, Kitty and Arlene. Howard spoke to Arlene and Kitty about that and they didn't seem to be that shocked when he asked them about it. Howard asked her ex-girlfriend to come up and say hello after that. They wrapped up a short time later.
We heard a more current K-Rock clip where Robin was talking about the Snapple girls they used to have on the show. She said that Howard would be enjoying the inane conversations that he was having with the Snapple girls there. Howard talked about how he loved his wife and kids back then and he had to keep telling himself that because the girls were telling him that they wanted to take him in the back and fuck him. Howard said that it was the ultimate guy thing and he had to stay strong.
Jim Forbes said that the first big star on the show was intern Stuttering John. Fred said that John went from being just a voice on the radio to someone you could see doing these wild interviews. Gary said that John did an interview with Imelda Marcos and got her stuck in a revolving door. He said that she had this look of horror on her face as John was asking her these questions. Robin said that her face sort of crumbled in that interview. Gary said no one had really done anything like that and the people loved John for it.
They played a clip from the channel 9 show where Howard was playing the video of John asking Imelda Marcos the questions. Imelda wasn't answering them but the visual was amusing. John was asking her if she blames the family dog when she has gas herself and things like that.
We heard Jackie talking about how John didn't know a lot of what was going on so they'd give him all kinds of wacky questions to ask.
They played a K-Rock clip where Howard was talking to John about the girls he was getting. John was getting a lot of girls because he was on TV. He said he was having a whole lot of fun.
In a current clip we heard Gary talking about how John really didn't know who some of these celebrities were that he was talking to or what had gone on in their lives. He said John doesn't cringe because he has no idea what he's asking. He once asked Ally Sheedy when she last threw up. He didn't know that she was bulimic.
They played a channel 9 show clip where Howard played the video of John doing that Ally Sheedy question and talked about how he's just a robot that they write questions for.
We heard from Stuttering John about another interview he did with John Amos one time. John said that he was asking these questions while John had a baseball bat in his hand. John asked him how he had gotten the job with a speech impediment. John said the guy made fun of him and that's what he was hoping more celebrities would have done with him.
We heard a few more quick clips of interviews with Richard Gere, Phil Donahue, ZZ Top, The Dahli Llama and Morton Downey Jr. John said that Morton Downey Jr. was the first one to punch him. They played the audio of that interview where Downey got pissed at John for asking questions about his wife being a stripper. He went after John and said that he'd kick his ass. John said that the show got huge ratings for that whole incident.
In another David Letterman show clip we heard Howard and Dave talking about some of the stuff they were doing on the channel 9 show. Howard told him about his mother being on the show one week and told Dave about some of the stuff he spoke to her about, like his anal fissure. Howard said he also had Joan Rivers and tried to contact her dead husband.
After that we heard Dan Forman talking about how the summer shows were doing so well that they extended the shows to 13 episodes. They picked up Philadelphia and then syndicated it to the rest of the country. Then Jackie wanted to get a piece of it since they were going all over the country.
Jim Forbes said that Howard was able to hire some new people to work on the show. Al Rosenberg was one of those people. Al talked about how fun it is to work with Howard. Gary said it was great to have Al back on the show at that point since they had worked with him at WNBC.
Gary said they also hired this guy Mark Berglass who was never in a good mood and they always fucked with him. Dan Forman talked about Mark Burglass and how he once suggested that they break up the room into two groups with one group being the creative group. He had food thrown at him before he finished his sentence and he was drummed out of the room and never heard from again. Then they hired Mark Cronin to work on the show.
Howard talked about Mark Cronin and how well he worked out. He said that Mark has gone on to create a bunch of other shows that have done very well. We heard from Mark Cronin about how he was asked to create some fart sounds for a Fartman bit they were doing. Mark said that he tried to do the sounds with his hands, his armpits and everything else he could. He said he was in heaven doing that.
Jim said that Howard hired Ralph Cirella to do make up on that show as well. Ralph came on and talked about how he was hoping they would hire him to do something for them on that show. Ralph said he saw that they were doing make up on that show and it didn't look very good to him. He said he called over to the people at channel 9 and got in touch with Kevin McMahon and told him that he'd like to show them the work he did. They ended up hiring him that week.
Howard said they had no budget for effects and stuff like that and he didn't know that Ralph had tried to get the job there. He was shocked when they actually hired the guy. Dan said that Ralph always took his time making the masks and stuff and that led to problems. Ralph said that Dan would try to rush him but he was busy trying to get this make up on.
Howard said Ralph came to life on that show. He said that Ralph could turn him into Ted Kennedy in just days. He said he could create a whole costume and mask for him in 3 days with no staff to help him. Howard said he was brilliant at it.
Ralph said that he did get better as things went along but he didn't know the shortcuts and stuff. Ralph said he made a mask one time that he thought looked horrible. He said it looked great when it was on TV though.
They played a channel 9 show clip where Howard was dressed up as Sternac the Improbable. Al Rosenberg was playing Ed McMahon. He had his Sternac answers and questions like... ''Punch N Jodi'' which was ''How did I spend my vacation with my wife Jodi?'' There was also ''Black eyes peas'' which was the answer to ''What would peas look like if they were married to me?''
After that we heard Al Rosenberg talking about how Howard always looked the same except for the color of the masks. He said that most of the stuff looked the same with only slight differences. Ralph said that there were only a couple that looked similar. He said that most of the masks were unique. Ralph said he did him up as Madonna one time. He said that one of his favorite times was when Dan was on all fours in a dog collar during the Madonna video parody.
They played a clip from the Madonna bit they did on the channel 9 show. Howard was playing Madonna and had the guys putting their genitals on a frying pan and goofy things like that. Madonna was also pulling a booger out of her nose and farting. Then she had Dan rolling over as if he were a dog. She was going to cut herself open and eat her own guts after that.
Next up we heard Fred talking about the creative process when it came to that show. Fred said they would have these Monday meetings with a conference call where they'd talk about the guests they'd have on. By Tuesday most of the gusts wouldn't work out and they didn't have the budget to do any of the bits they wanted to. Then they'd have to rewrite the show as the week progressed. Fred said they were creating as they went along an that must have added to the costs of the show for channel 9.
Jackie talked about how crazy the meetings were and how Dan would be working over at channel 9 and he'd be on the conference calls going nuts. Jackie said that he would draw pictures of a lightning bolt and make it look like that's what was coming out of the phone.
Al Rosenberg said that everyone on the show as a smart ass and you really had to fight to get your ideas across. Mark Cronin said that Howard only had about 5 writers but about 25 people at this table they had in the meeting room. Mark said that some of the writers were reasonably supportive. He said that Ralph was just a total dark force of evil sitting next to Howard. He said that they'd pitch their ideas and you were always in danger of Ralph leaning over and whispering something to him to kill the bit. He said Ralph was great at killing material.
Ralph said that Mark isn't remembering what was going on back then. He said that Mark was barely a writer himself and he just had to prove himself back then.
Jim Forbes said that Mark Cronin used to bring a tape recorder into those meetings. They had some never before heard audio clips from one of those meetings. The guys were all pitching ideas but the quality of the tape was awful. They came up with the ''Hooker Hollywood Squares'' idea in that meeting.
After that clip we heard Dan Forman talking about how they had to go out and find some hookers. The accounting department wanted receipts from the hookers so they could pay them. Mark Cronin said the cops even stopped them when they were picking these girls up. They had some audio where the cops were pulling the guys over and asking them what they were doing. Mark said they had a whole van load of hookers that the picked up and brought to the show the next day. Mark said that the group of women they got were so great.
Next up we heard a clip from the Hooker Hollywood Squares where Howard spoke to one of the hookers who had a little bit of a speech impediment.
They went to break after that clip.
Ralph talked about the mask he made up for Howard when he was doing his Clarence Thomas impression. Jackie talked about how funny that bit was because Howard would take a toke on a joint and they would make his hair stand up on end. He said that Ralph had also given Howard these giant lips with the mask he made.
They played a clip from that bit where Howard was Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. Howard said that the bit wasn't his as the bit was going along. He said it was Robin's idea and he's going to end up getting lynched because of it. He also pointed out that Ralph the make up man had given him those big lips. Clarence pulled out a big joint and Robin asked him if he was going to light up. Clarence said that he knew he was getting high but it was starting to look like a real TV studio in there. Clarence told Robin that he makes his best decisions when he smokes his bong. He took a hit and said ''No abortion.''
We heard a clip of Mark Cronin talking about how he pitched an idea for the show where they would do everything on the show about breasts. He said that Howard loved the idea and let him outline the who that turned out to be the Tribute to Breasts show. Al Rosenberg had his breasts checked on that show and talked about that and some of the other stuff they did during that show. They ended up taking a mold of a woman's breasts and it took far too long and she ended up getting stuck in the latex goo that Ralph had put her in.
We heard a more current radio show clip where Howard, Robin and Artie were talking about the channel 9 show that they did with only one guest. That guest was Sabrina Lebouf from the Cosby show. Howard told the story about how she had no idea what was going on. Howard had a huge afro and an X hat on.
Dan Forman talked about how they had a tough time getting guests on the show so they'd start putting up the reasons on the screen why they weren't coming on. Fred and Mark Cronin talked about how they had problems getting guests as well. Mark said that they would ambush these celebrities to get them to do the show. They would get them to sign a release before they did the shows according to Al Rosenberg.
Howard said that poor Jackie and Fred would have to sit there writing all day long. They had to do the radio show and then write for the TV show. Howard said that they were going to do a show with Nichele Nichols from Star Trek but she backed out at the last minute. They had to get someone from the street to play the part instead. Fred said they put Elephant Boy in a box as Commander Pike and a homeless woman as Lieutenant Uhura. Fred said there wasn't much quality control back then and he was amazed at the results sometimes. He said that was one of those situations where he was amazed.
They played a clip from that bit where they had Howard as Captain Kirk and Fred as Scotty. They had a homeless woman playing the part of Uhura. Fred the Elephant Boy played Commander Pike which was supposed to be just a head in a box. Gary was playing Spock. Pike tells them ''All is lost, give up the sketch now.'' Then they're circling the planet Lesbos which turns out to be their producer's bald head. They beam down to planet Lesbos and Kirk loses his hair piece. A short time later Howard breaks out of character and said the rocks there on the planet are the rocks in his head for signing with channel 9. The girls of Lesbos are looking for cucumbers and to have access to Kirk's toupee to use as feminine hygiene products since it's so absorbent. Uhura ends up staying on the planet to save the rest of the crew.
After that clip we heard Mark Cronin talking about how the publicists eventually stopped people from coming on the show. They figured out that they'd end up getting stuck on a show where they'd smoke tampons and stuff like Bob Denver from Gilligan's Island did. Jackie talked about how funny that bit was. Al Rosenberg also talked about that and how great the bit turned out to be. Fred said that they had Bob Denver and Dawn Wells on the show and they went through the whole sketch and didn't walk off. They haven't really heard from them again since then, but they went through with it. They ended up eating the dead skipper on that show.
We heard a K-Rock clip where Howard was talking about that sketch and how he was smoking a tampon. He said they never told the guests ahead of time that they were going to do a sketch. Howard said that they used to wonder when they would walk off of the show. He said that he figured that Bob Denver would have walked off at some point. He was a good sport and stuck with it though. Howard said they called it ''Gagagain's Island'' and they had a Professor Feces which was played by Fred. They had Thurston Bowel the third which was Al Rosenberg. Howard played Ginger.
Howard said that he was playing Ginger and he was giving oral to Gagagain behind a tree because she was so hungry. They threw in clips from the channel 9 show during this replay that related to what Howard was talking about. Howard talked about smoking the tampon with Bob Denver. He said he took it and shoved it in Bob's mouth and he figured he would have walked off after that. He was such a good sport that he stuck to it.
Howard said that Mary Ann comes out after that. Ginger and Mary Ann talk for a short time and they bring up the Skipper who is starting to rot. Gary plays a monkey in the bit and he has been keeping them from starving with his boogers. Gary runs out of boogers and can't feed them anymore. He started laughing during the taping.
Howard said that they see that the skipper is dead and figure they could eat him. Then they start eating the skipper raw. Howard said by the end they're eating the skipper and pull off his arms and legs and start eating. Howard said they had bets going about when they would walk off the show. Howard said they didn't even have endings to the bits because they figured they'd never get to the end.
Gary and Robin talked about how great the Head Injury Club For Men bit was with Gary Busey. Robin said that they had stuff oozing out of their heads and stuff in that segment. She said that Gary didn't seem to be too upset about it but he did get a little scary.
They played a clip from that ''Head Injury Club For Men'' where they had Kenneth Keith Kallenbach, Fred the Elephant Boy, Quinten the Stutterer and Howard who all had head injuries. Then they have Gary Busey come on. Howard had green applesauce oozing out of his head from under some gauze through the whole segment. Howard was trying to do his lines but he was laughing because of the ooze coming out of his head. Busey talked about his own head injury and said that he wondered why he was so serious before he almost died. Robin told the stories of how Howard got his head injury when he was robbed. Howard asked Gary if he's for the helmet laws. Gary said he is all for helmets, law or no law. Howard had Gary sing some ''Peggy Sue'' and then had Elephant Boy singing a little bit of it too. Howard asked Quentin the Stutterer to sing it too. He attempted it but wasn't able to get much out with his stutter. Howard ran out of time so he started to end the segment. Then the stuff was oozing out of his head injury into his face. Busey slipped on the stuff on the floor and almost fell on his ass. Howard said they'd have to buy him a new coat since they had messed it up with the ooze.
After that clip we heard Ralph talking about all of the stuff he was doing on that show back then. John Stamos said that he was on the show back then too and said that he thought that Howard wouldn't bust his balls. He said that he was wrong. He ended up doing a Larry King bit with Howard on the channel 9 show.
They played a clip of that interview where Howard was playing Larry King and interviewing John Stamos. Howard asked John a bunch of questions about his Greek background, his real name and questions about having two girls at once. John didn't want to answer some because he claims his mother was watching. ''Larry'' took some phone calls and most of them were Billy West and Fred doing impressions of people making the calls
After that clip we heard Mark Cronin talking about the worst thing they did to a guest. He said it was Zsa Zsa Gabor and putting hidden cameras in her dressing room. They had Fred the Elephant Boy go into her dressing room as a Korean producer. They had a midget go in there to start measuring for the lighting. Howard, Al Rosenberg and Mark all talked about that bit. Dan Forman also said that Zsa Zsa had no idea what was going on that show.
They played the channel 9 show clip where Howard, as Johnny Carson, interviewed Zsa Zsa while Al Rosenberg laughed as Ed McMahon in the background through the whole bit. Zsa Zsa had no idea what they were doing and told Howard to take off the mask he was wearing. Zsa Zsa told Al to stop laughing. Even Howard told him to cool it after a while. Howard asked Zsa Zsa about her book and some of the stuff in that. Howard and Zsa Zsa talked about Johnny leaving and Jay Leno taking over. Zsa Zsa said that she hates that big chinned guy who is taking over for Johnny.
Fred said that they found that it was best not to fill people in on what they were going to do with the sketches. He said that they were just as much fun to tell stories about than the sketches themselves. Robin said that it was tough keeping from the guests what they were going to be doing on the show. She said that they had to make sure they didn't know what the show was like and they'd just give them the sketch right before they walked on the set.
Mark Cronin said that no one ever left upset after doing the show. He said that Howard had a way to make it work. Artie talked about the way they did the MASH bit with the guy who played Frank Burns on the show. Al Rosenberg said that was Larry Lindville. He talked about the wild stuff they did on that show and how he was a good sport about the whole thing.
Fred said they thought that Larry was going to come in all uptight but he laughed throughout the whole sketch. Fred said that he may have been a little lit on the show but he's not 100 percent on that.
They played a clip from that sketch and Howard had to ask them to cut the blood spurting. They were getting it in their faces and stuff. Larry was laughing and joking around during the sketch. Howard was playing ''Hawk Nose'' in the bit. Gary was playing ''Horse Lips Dell'Abate'' in the bit.
After that we heard Mark Cronin talking about a bit they wrote that they didn't want to put on TV. They had one bit where they had this amputee on the show an you could see the quivering of his muscles and it was kind of disturbing. He said it made you feel awful watching it so they never aired the segment. Al Rosenberg said that the biker guy who lost his leg got pissed at this guy in a wheelchair and he ended up pushing him across the stage in his chair. Al said Jackie had the best line about that guy. He said that the guy was so obnoxious that he didn't lose his leg, it got up and walked away on it's own.
Al told another story about another segment that they did on the show where they taught this kid from the band Menudo how to steal cars. That segment never saw the light of day.
We heard a K-Rock clip where Howard, Jackie and Robin were talking about the channel 9 show and how they didn't have any budget at channel 9. Howard talked about the Cheech and Chong bit that they did during the Christmas special. Channel 9 didn't want to air that show back then. Howard said he thought that was some of the best TV that was ever on. He said he's not sure if that's him blowing smoke up his own ass or not.
In a current clip Gary talked about the Christmas show they did one time that was supposed to be like a Bing Crosby show parody. Gary said that they had fake snow in that segment and John ended up choking on a piece that got stuck in his throat at one point.
Fred also talked about that Christmas bit where they had Dan Forman as the Baby Jesus with Cheech and Chong on. Fred said that Dan was the perfect stooge for that bit as the baby Jesus. Dan said that they used to use his face in a lot of bits and sometimes he would say no. He said he really doesn't regret those shows. They did 78 episodes in 2 years and he thinks that they were great.
They played a clip from that bit where Cheech and Chong were on the channel 9 show. They helped Howard, who was the virgin Mary, get to the manger. Howard ended up giving birth to the baby Jesus which turned out to be Dan Forman who asked Cheech and Chong to roll him a fat one.
Fred said that they were so chicken shit about that show that they didn't air it until April. Fred said he's not sure what they were thinking would happen if they had aired it.
Dan Forman said that Howard knew what to air and he would take out even more stuff than the lawyers would. He said that Howard knew the FCC line and he was able to figure all of that stuff out. Dan said that the lawyers were more worried about religion. That's why the Christmas Special didn't air until April.
Michael Alexander said that Howard would make a big deal out of stuff and that was just to promote the show. He said that it was a way of drumming up interest in the show.
They played a K-Rock clip where Howard was talking about how they were taking stuff out of the show that they taped on the Friday before. Howard said that they wanted to take out the word ''dingleberry'' from the show they taped. Howard said he found that to be very odd. Howard said he got on the phone and ended up screaming at the censor guy over that. Howard said it's not a dirty word but they told him that it means a wadded up piece of toilet paper that's stuck to the hair on your butt. Howard said they went through a whole thing over that word. He figured it was because they were afraid of the FCC.
We heard Gary talking about one of his favorite shows where they had people come out and do a bunch of S and M stuff. He said that they ended up blacking out most of the screen for minutes at a time. Jackie said that was fun fighting the censors over there and trying to edit down the show.
They played a Lesbian Dating Game bit from the channel 9 show after that. In the clip Howard was talking to the lesbians who were all playing the game. They edited it down to keep it short. The contestant picked a winner and had them kiss each other before they left.
Fred said that those shows were great and a lot of work to create. He said he's still not sure how they got away with a lot of what they did. He wishes that they had put it out on DVD so people could see them too. They went to break after that.
Howard said that he did this Bob Hope interview back then adn said that Bob was laughing at him when he came in dressed as Bob.
They played a clip from the channel 9 show where Howard interviewed Bob Hope. Howard did his impression of Bob when he came out. Bob sadi ''Get my lawyer!'' when he saw Howard doing the impression. Howard continued to do the impression and threw some jokes out there for Bob. BOb said he liked it.
Next up we heard Dan Forman talking about how that interview validated them. Dan siad that he liekd it when Howard took off his make up for Bob Hope. Dan said that they left that in the show even though Howard wanted to edit it out.
They played some of that part of the interview where Howard stripped off the make up for Bob. Bob seeme to be having fun while Howard was goofing aroudn with him.
Dan Forman said that Howard started asking Bob qustions in a real interview and Bob was shooting right back at him.
They played that part of the interview where Bob talked about his career adn life. Howard asked him about his will and who he's leaving his stuff to. Bob said he was leaving his money to George Burns. Howard said he figured Bob's kids would be set forever if he left his money to them.
We heard Dan Forman talking about how Bob just got up and left the interview without anyone telling him he had to go. He did it all on his own without anyone making him leave or anything. He just looked at his watch and figured it was time to go. They played that part of the interview too.
Dan said that Bob had seen and heard it all and having him on the show was great. Howard said that after that they got a 4 star review from Adam Buckman. That led to a read of that review by Adam Buckman himself. In the review Adam said that Howard had become the hardest working man in show business and no one was giving him any respect. Adam said that if they were offended by Howard they shouldn't tune in to watch but they'd be missing out on a great show.
Howard said that they were doing some wild things back then. He said that they were finally getting some recognition for what they were doing. He said he never got a positive review on radio like he did with that channel 9 show. Howard said he wasn't able to remember any glowing articles about his radio show at all.
Dan Forman said that they were on a tight schedule and budget over there and it was tough. Fred said that it was nothing like doing a Letterman show or something. He said that they had to tape and tape for hours and hours. He said they had to take the cameras back to do the news at a certain time so they didn't have all night to tape.
Al Rosenberg said that they would even turn the lights out on them in the middle of taping. Jackie said that they got more and more outrageous on every show. Jackie said that his formula was to have strippers and midgets on the show week after week.
We heard a radio show clip of Howard, Artie and Robin talking about those old shows. Howard and Robin talked about the time they ha Celestine the armless and legless woman demonstrating how she eats and stuff like that. Howard said it was the lowest rated moment on that show.
Dan said that the ratings were a little tough in the beginning but then they started to get some ratings. Gary said that they did a show where they beat SNL in New York City one week. Michael Alexander said that the show was right up against Saturday Night Live and they were actually beating them. He said that people thought they were nuts to go up against that show but it worked.
Fred said that they got a lot of recognition after that show was on for a while. Robin said that they got a whole new audience based on that show. She would have people recognizing her from the show and they didn't even know them from radio.
Howard said that he would have a lot of black people coming up to him after that show started airing. Jackie said that Howard realized that channel 9 was like the cable channel for black people back then. That's why so many of them know the show and loved it.
Foo Fighters front man Dave Grohl said that he used to watch that show all the time and he and his friends loved it. Dave said that they used to watch those shows over and over again. He said they had a lot of respect for him.
Dave Navarro also talked about the channel 9 show and how he got hooked into that. He said that he learned about Howard on TV before he even knew about the radio show.
Artie talked about how he had started meeting people out there in Los Angeles when he moved there and they knew more about the channel 9 show than the radio show. He said that people really were influenced by that show and you see a lot of what went on back then on TV now.
Fred said that it's amazing to him now that people still come up to them and tell them how great the show was and how they were watching the show back then.
Norm MacDonald also talked about how he knew about the channel 9 show before the radio show. He said that he thought it was very original at the time. Norm said that it's almost impossible to be original these days but Howard was. Norm said that it was Saturday Night Live, David Letterman and then Howard Stern who were all originals to him.
Richard Belzer, Dan Forman and Mark Cronin also talked about how Howard made a reality show back then and it was before reality shows really existed. Mark Cronin went on to create shows like the Surreal Life and Flavor of Love. Mark talked about how Howard was a pioneer of that kind of show and he dealt with celebrities in a very human way. That's why people are so into watching reality shows now.
Mark said that Howard invented reality TV but that doesn't mean that all reality TV show creators owe him a check.
We heard a quick clip of Pat Cooper talking to Howard and begging him to take him back on the show because his career is hurting and he gave away all of his wealth. He said he will kiss Gary Dell'Abate's ass if he has to but he won't kiss Robin's because that would just be too much for him to handle. They went to break after that.
They played the audio of Howard talking to Robin about how Gary collects cartoon art. After a short time Gary tells Howard that he's going to be buying a new cartoon cell of ''Quick Draw McGraw and Baba Booey.'' The character's name is actually ''Baba Louie'' but Gary got it wrong. Here's what I wrote up in a previous replay of this segment:
Howard was talking to Gary about the cartoon art cells he had been collecting and talked to him about the cells he had already and what he had coming soon. Howard was doing his impression of Gary and goofing on him about that stuff. Then Gary said he was going to be buying a few more. He mentioned a couple of Bugs Bunny cells he was going to buy and why he was buying them. He said they were animated cells which were not actually used in the movies. He said they're exactly like what was in the movie but most of the originals have been destroyed. Howard said that Gary is now an art collector. He continued to goof on him about spending his money on that kind of crap.
Gary said that he likes a lot of the Fritz Frehling stuff that's out there. He said that the Jay Ward cartoons are worth a lot of money too. Howard said he had no idea these guys were sitting around still drawing that stuff. Robin still didn't know what he meant by a ''cell'' so Gary had to explain that to her. He said it's a single frame of an animation. Howard asked if the people laugh when he goes into the store. Gary said the store was actually very busy yesterday.
Gary said that one of the women who works there used to be on TV and in a movie. They talked about her for a short time. They goofed on Gary about that for a few minutes and then found out that he pays about $600 for a cell. Gary said he thinks that they're an investment. They were just selling for about $300 a couple of years ago. Howard did more of his Gary impression and continued to goof on him. Howard said he likes how Gary squanders his money on trinkets like that. Jackie said it's like when Ralph Cramden came home with the house made of Popsicle sticks that were supposed to be from the king of some country thinking it was going to be worth something.
Howard asked Gary how big the cells are. Gary said they're about 11 by 17 inches. Howard told Robin that Gary had just bought some magic beans too. He wondered if he did that so they'd stop goofing on his mouth. Howard also joked that one of Gary's teeth is about 11 x 17. Howard said Gary sold the family car when he was in high school and ended up buying the Brooklyn Bridge with that money. He also said that he bought some clay that used to be Gumby. The Pokey clay had been destroyed. Howard did his impression of Gary talking to his mother about buying that stuff. He and Jackie were cracking up laughing while going over all of that.
Robin said that she was surprised that Gary wasn't into Hercules and stuff. Gary said there are a lot of other things that he could buy. He was thinking about getting a ''Quick Draw McGraw and a Baba Booey.'' Howard asked him how much a Baba Louie goes for and Gary repeated the ''Baba Booey'' thing again. Howard immediately picked up on that and started goofing on him about the ''Baba Booey'' screw up.
Howard said that Gary likes to collect a lot of crap and continued to goof on him about collecting those cartoon art cells. Gary said he was exhausted with that stuff. He had to get going. Howard said he had to yell at Gary about some stuff this morning. He said he had to go off on him about the articles he likes to save about himself. He said he had to tell Gary that he has to clip those articles out and put them in a folder for him. They were still talking about the Baba Booey thing and goofing on Gary about that. Robin brought it up and laughed at him for calling that character by the wrong name.
After that clip we heard Gary explaining how Quick Draw would call Baba Louie ''Baba Boy'' in the cartoons but Howard didn't want to play any clips of that. Gary said that the knew that the Baba Booey name was big and his Baba Booey was the number 2 most famous clip on the show just a few moths later. He said that it's become the thing to say when you don't know what to say on camera or when you prank call someone.
Gary said that one of his favorite moments was when Stephen Colbert did that during an interview. They've even done it in Family Guy and a bunch of other shows. He said it's amazing how it's lasted so long.
In another K-Rock clip we heard Howard talking about a cartoon he was watching where the character was saying ''Baba Booey.'' That led to Gary coming in and talking about it being on a local channel where they have this talking cat. It was the Woody Woodpecker hour on that channel. Gary told Howard that the Baba Booey thing wasn't that funny anymore. Gary said that he has people roll down their window and say ''Hey Baba Booey!''
Jackie told Howard about a guy who told him a joke at one of his shows that was a Baba Booey thing. It was something like ''What do you get when you mix a sheep, a ghost and Cousin Brucie?'' He said it was obvious what he was going for with ''Ba ba Boo E.'' Howard didn't think that it was that obvious. Howard ended up goofing on Gary about him saying something about that Baba Booey thing being his little niche.
They played the audio from that first call where Shatner called into the show from the toilet in his hotel bathroom. Howard told Shatner that he wanted to get him in the studio so they could bond. Howard talked to Shatner about working on Star Trek and stuff like that. Howard also talked to him about his cover of ''Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds'' they play almost weekly. Shatner explained to Howard how he ended up doing those songs. He said that the songs don't make sense when you play them one by one. He said he had a concept album an they didn't release it the way he had recorded it.
Shatner told Howard that he was in the bathroom calling him. Howard asked him if he was a dentist or something. Shatner said he wasn't and he didn't know where he got that from. Shatner said he had to get going because he had to fly back out to the West coast. Howard let Shatner go after giving him some plugs for his book.
After that clip we heard William Shatner talking about how much of a force and an original he is. He said that Howard is really good at interviewing people and he's got a bright mind. They played some of that ''Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds'' song as they wrapped that up.
They played the audio from that interview where Howard had George Takei on the show the first time. Howard said that his voice was very deep so he turned on his harmonizer and made his own voice very deep. Then he put George on the harmonizer and made his voice even deeper.
Howard had asked George if he was a homosexual and George denied it during that interview. George was joking around with Howard saying that he was kind of cute and then denied he was gay. George and Howard talked about the Star Trek days and some of the stuff that went on back then. Then Howard asked George if he had a big penis because with a voice like that he must. Howard asked him to pull his pants down for him but George just laughed.
Howard and George also goofed on William Shatner a little bit. They made fun of his toupee and things like that. Howard asked George if he wanted to have kids. George said that he kind of did come to that point. Howard asked him if he likes to just knock off a bunch of chicks. George said that he does have a lot of groupies at the Star Trek conventions. Howard asked if he likes American's or oriental basket trick type of girls. George wasn't saying what he really liked. George was laughing through the interview and seemed to be having a good time. He hinted that he may have been with Nichele Nichols when he worked with her. They spent a bit of time talking about that.
Howard also played some of William Shatner's music and goofed on that with George. George said that he will never work again after that interview. He said he did have fun doing the interview. Howard had to wrap up a short time later.
After that clip we heard George talking about how a cab driver commented on his appearance. George said he got a call from an old college friend after that interview too. He said that she had heard him that morning and told him he was hilarious. George said that he realized then that Howard had a huge listenership.
Howard said that he had to have that stuff for the air and it turned out to be gold. He said that it supports some stuff that he's said over the years about the way he was raised. That led into a clip of the Ben Stern Day Care Center bit where they used some of those family clips. They had Howard's father telling him to ''Shut up! Sit Down!'' and asking him political questions when he was a little kid and a bunch of other stuff. They went to break after that.
Howard said that Fred has this move where he leaves the room for 5 minutes because he's so disgusted. Howard said that most guys can handle that smell but Jackie's really stinks. Gary said that Jackie farted the day before too and it was really awful. Jackie denied doing that one too. Gary said it was as they were getting off the air when he farted and stunk up the studio. Jackie claimed that he was trying to walk out to do it when it came out because they had called him back in. Howard said he had another fart ready for Jackie. He said it was probably a really stinky one too because he hadn't showered yet.
Jim Forbes came on and said that Fred had proposed to his girlfriend Alison on the air one September morning. Fred said he didn't even remember doing that. He said that he had no recollection of that show at all.
They played a clip from K-Rock where Howard was talking about Fred doing weird voices on his answering machine. Howard said he did a Brando impression once and now he's doing an Elvis. Howard said that's not one of his best impressions. He said he has others that are better. Howard was going to call the machine to see what it sounded like. Howard said that he thinks it's the Elvis impression. Howard called Fred's number but Alison ended up picking up. Howard said that was a good impression.
Howard said that was the Princess Norris and it was very odd to call Fred's apartment and hear a woman answering. Howard asked her how things were going. She said they're very good. Howard asked her if it's true she's not sure if she wants to get married to Fred. Alison said she had decided that she did want to marry him. Howard said that was a big announcement then. Fred didn't even know that news. Howard said that Fred was yelling out ''Wrong number'' when she said that.
Howard said that it's amazing that this worked out after that whole dial-a-date thing. Howard asked Alison if her parents like Fred. She said that they like him even more than they like her. Howard figured out that this was the first time Alison had ever said that she wanted to marry Fred. Alison said that was true.
Howard handed the microphone over to Fred and told him to say what he was thinking. Fred told Alison that they had to do commercials. He didn't propose. Howard said that Fred should propose to her. Jackie said that if it were anyone else there would be romantic music playing. Fred eventually turned on the romantic music. Fred asked her if she wanted to talk about it later. She said she would talk about it now. Howard told Fred to go for it. Fred asked her if she had a plan in mind. Alison didn't have anything in mind yet. Howard said that maybe they should do that stuff on TV instead of radio.
Howard and Robin were trying to get Fred to propose and eventually got him to do it. Fred asked Alison if she wanted to marry him. She said yes. That was it. Howard said that Fred has less emotion than his father does. Howard said that Fred passed him a note saying he wanted to marry him too. Howard said he wished that it was him on the phone getting that proposal.
Fred asked Alison again if she would marry him and said that they'll have to start planning. Robin said that was great, they were planning a wedding. Howard said that Alison's parents just jumped out a window. Then he said that they just got word that her mother had driven into oncoming traffic.
Howard said that Gary was crying when he came into the studio. Gary said that Dominic Barbara wants to do the pre-nuptial agreement for them. Alison said that they're not going to have one. Howard said this was unbelievable and very exciting. Howard said that maybe he should call Fred's parents and let them know. Howard wondered how Alison gets along with them. Alison said that it was just as much culture shock with Fred and her family as it was for her and his. Howard said that maybe they'll all get together and build Fred and Alison a barn after the wedding.
Howard said he hopes that things work out for them. He asked when they'd like to get married. Alison said that maybe in December or something. Howard said he loves that. He said he was shocked by the whole thing. He let Alison go a short time later. Fred said he knew he shouldn't have put that answering machine message on there.
They went into a clip where Howard played their ''Lost in Space 1990'' bit. Billy West was part of that bit playing a few of the characters. Howard and Fred were also in the bit which was a parody of the ''Lost in Space'' series. Howard and the guys talked about the bit for a short time after playing it. Howard said that the fans must have loved it because the phones were lit up. He took some calls after that and wondered why they had to bleep out the T-word in that. Howard said there's a double standard in this country. He said that he has different rules than any other shows. Howard said that the FCC is after him but he doesn't have any fears of them.
Host Jim Forbes said that the FCC was setting their sights on Howard Stern at that time and it would lead to a long fight against them for the next decade. They went to break after that.
Howard said that he wants to take this right to the supreme court. He read an article about what he's about to be charged with and said that the marketplace is supposed to figure out what should and shouldn't be on the air. He said that it appears that there are some FCC commissioners who just want attention. Howard said that he would take this to the supreme court and he won't back down with it. Robin said she'll be right behind him.
In the article Howard read they said that they were going to fine them for broadcasting indecencies in remarks like ''Here's a guy who plays the piano with his penis.'' Howard said that's the big line that's bothering them. Howard said that the day you can't say the word penis is going to be the end of this country.
Howard said that he wants to sue each of the FCC commissioners personally over this. Howard said that he knows he can't sue the government, but he might be able to sue each of them individually for trying to destroy his career. Howard said that this is going to cost him a lot of money.
Howard said that he's being brought into this whole thing again and they're trying to stop him from saying the word penis on the air. Robin said that they have to really examine this because it does sound crazy. Howard read more of the article and said that this is the kind of nonsense they're wasting tax dollars on.
Howard said that he's not doing anything wrong and people who listen to his show know that. Howard said that they usually just sue you for like $2,000 and the company ends up paying it because it's not that much money. If you pay, like all of the other companies are doing, it's the worst thing you can do. It's like telling the FCC that it's okay what they're doing. If they pay this fine they're admitting they're guilty. They can take away their license and stuff if you don't pay.
Howard said that he thinks it's despicable what they're doing there at the FCC. Howard said they also have leaks over at the FCC and this stuff is being released to the media before he even knows about it. Howard said he has a great case against these schmuck heads. Howard said that he's going to sue Alfred Sykes personally if he receives these papers. He said they have this secret, hidden agenda.
Howard said that he was talking to his 7 year old about sex the other night and his wife was telling her about penis and vagina and she already knows about that stuff. He said she already tells more penis jokes than anyone he knows. He said they're very well adjusted kids too.
Gary came in and told Howard that Sam Kinison was on the phone. Howard picked up on him. Sam said he can't believe they're getting on him about those statements. Sam said that they have much worse stuff on Saturday Night Live. Howard said that this is going to kill everything that he's working on himself. Sam said that's true because the syndication thing might fall apart. Howard said that if he were the President's son he'd have no problems.
Howard let Sam go after that. Sam said he'd be a character witness for him. Howard said ''Oh no...'' Sam laughed. Howard said he thought all of this FCC stuff was behind him and this was the weirdest day of his life.
After that clip we heard Howard talking about how absurd the whole penis thing was. He said it could have been a lie and maybe they didn't even have a guy in the studio playing the piano with his penis.
They played another K-Rock clip where Howard talked about some of the bits Saturday Night Live was doing where they talk about penis. They played some of that audio where a bunch of guys are asking each other how their penises are. Howard said that he's the only one being targeted over this stuff. Howard said that SNL is using the word in a funny context. Robin said that it's really not all that funny. Howard said they were trying to be funny though.
In a current clip we heard Howard talking about how many times he made the point that the FCC has no problem with penis and vagina when it's being spoken about in a serious way. Howard said that you can't have free speech if they're going to specify the way you can speak about things like that.
Howard said that his show wouldn't have lasted that long if he was only doing this ''shocking'' stuff that they accuse him of doing. Mel Karmazin said he never understood why they called Howard a shock jock. Howard wasn't doing this stuff to shock people. He was doing it to entertain. Some of what he said was shocking but that's not what he was trying to do.
Jim Forbes said that the station was gearing up for a battle with the FCC. Fred said that back in the early days all they had to worry about were the settings of the station, saying the call letters and not saying the seven dirty words.
Ben Stern said that the FCC used to just worry about the simple stuff. Then they started creeping in and trying to regulate what people were doing on the air. Ben said that back in the early days no one was doing anything on radio. Now they feel that they have to get into this stuff.
Robin said that the FCC was like the boogey man back in the early days. She said that they never did anything about the settings and stuff. Then they became the arbiters of content. Robin said they were letting stuff fly and just doing what they were doing as long as they didn't say the 7 dirty words. Robin said that when the piano penis playing thing came up all of that changed.
We heard more of the K-Rock stuff where Howard and Robin were talking about the FCC fine and how Howard was going to sue. Howard said that it was leaked to the press that he was going to be fined. He said that they want to go after him for saying ''Big Black Lesbian Lust'' and the piano thing. He said that there are 4 against 3 in the FCC who want to fine him. He said that 3 of them apparently came to their senses. Howard said his father told him to stop talking about them but he told him that this is the United States and he shouldn't have to stop talking about them. Howard said that he's going to take this all to court and prove what fakes they are.
Howard went off on the guys in the FCC and said that they're wasting the tax payer's money. Howard said that he's going to get every detail about these guys and find out what they're up to. Howard said that there are people taking dumps in the street and they're worried about this nonsense.
Jim Forbes said that they did hear from the FCC that afternoon but it wasn't the news they were hoping for. It turned out to be a $6,000 fine for the Christmas show broadcast that had happened two years before.
After that we heard Howard talking about the initial fines scaring him. He said he didn't want to be a liability to a radio station. Howard said that $6,000 wasn't that much money to the station, it's just that it gives the station a chill. Gary said that he remembers being outside of the station that morning and cameras being on him. He said he didn't say anything to them. Gary said that he thought they were going to be fired over it.
Robin said that she remembers it being a very down moment for the show. She said they really didn't know how it was going to pan out after that. Tom Chiusano said that they took those fines very seriously. He said they didn't need the FCC being their enemy.
Howard said that they could have lost their licenses and a lot of stations would have just unloaded them. Fred said that he remembered packing boxes at DC-101 and WNBC and he was afraid that was going to happen at K-Rock too. Gary said that people weren't even talking to them that day because they didn't know what to say.
Jim Forbes said that Mel Karmazin gave them word that they were going to fight that fine all the way. Mel came on and said that they were not going to pay that fine no matter what. Mel said that the fine wasn't a lot of money but they were going to fight it. Mel said he still doesn't think that Howard did anything wrong the whole time he worked for him.
Mel said that the FCC should make a law saying you can't discuss sex on the radio if they don't want people discussing sex on the radio. Mel said that he finds those discussions funny and they're not offensive to him. He wonders what they find to be offensive and why they think it shouldn't be on the radio.
Robin said it was lucky for them that Mel found the whole fine ridiculous. She said that was a great relief. She said they didn't know that when they walked in that morning.
We heard more K-Rock audio of Howard talking about the busy day he had before talking about the FCC stuff. Howard said that the FCC did a couple of dumb things with those fines. Howard said that the complaint was in New York but they were fining the stations that were airing the broadcast as well. It was one complaint in New York that led to the fines. Howard said that he's not even sure what they're fining him over because it doesn't make any sense.
Howard and Robin talked about how weird the whole thing was and how it made very little sense. Howard said he spoke to the company and they're not going to pay any fines. Howard said that most of these people will just pay their fines. Howard said it's just going to set him up for the rest of his career to be that guy who was fined. He didn't want to be that guy.
Ray Stern said she feels bad that Howard had to deal with that stuff. She said he's an innovator and people are listening because people want to hear him. She said that he's not harming anyone as far as she can see. Ray said that you have the privilege of turning him off if you don't like it. She said she's never been uptight about sex and she didn't understand the whole thing.
Howard said he may have gone on too long about the FCC in those days. He said that he was frustrated and he didn't know what else to do. Howard said it was hard. Howard said he would listen back to it and figure it went on too long but he had to let the audience know. Howard said he wanted some help but he really didn't think that they could help him.
We heard from David Letterman who was saying that they need someone like Howard out there testing the limits. He said that they might dismiss him as a shock jock but he thinks that he goes far beyond that. Dave said that it takes courage to be the first one and that's what he sees in Howard.
We heard more of Howard talking about seeing the woman who had filed the complaint that led to these fines. They had her on channel 9, the station that he was doing the TV show on. Howard said they had her on for a while and she wasn't even making that much sense.
We heard more of Jim Forbes talking about how Howard tried to speak to this woman Ann Stommel on his channel 9 show. They were going to have a debate between the two of them.
They played a channel 9 show clip where they were doing that debate. The mind numbing debate went on and on for far too long. Ann gave her side of the whole thing and then Howard gave his side and told her to just turn the dial if she doesn't like what's on. Howard said he believes he has the right to broadcast and not have someone fining him over this stuff they're fining him over. The two of them went back and forth for quite a while in that broadcast. Ann ended up getting upset about the way the debate was working. Then she said she was ready to leave if they didn't stop.
Ann was saying that she thinks that the show was discriminating against people because the intended audience for the show is for 25-35 year old men. Howard told her that most of the audience is that demographic but anyone is welcome to watch or listen to his show.
Howard asked Ann if she was going to try and ban Penthouse magazine next. She said that those magazines aren't owned by the public and the airwaves are. Howard was going off on her saying that he will never give in. Dick Cavet, who was attempting to moderate, was saying that he has seen debates where the host actually gets to speak.
Ann was saying that she only ''monitors'' the show and isn't a listener. She said that she asked the Marriott hotel chain to stop advertising with the show because it's getting so bad. Howard said that the show is going to continue to go in that direction and he's not going to be stopped.
Dick asked the audience if they were for Howard or Ann. There was only one person in the audience who raised their hand for Ann. Howard wondered how a young man could be for that woman. He figured he was related to Ann in some way. Howard seemed happy that he had won the debate in the eyes of the 9 out of 10 people that had voted for him.
After that clip we heard from Ray Stern who was saying that she felt it was witch hunt right form the beginning when that FCC stuff came up. Ray said that she thinks it's wrong to try and curtail people from listening to what they want to listen to. Ben Stern said that Howard was an easy mark for the FCC and it was very unfair of them to give Howard different standards than they gave everyone else.
Richard Belzer said that Lenny Bruce tested the waters and there will always be people who have problems like this. He said that Howard was very brave because he had the federal government coming after him and he stood up and made his point. He said that Howard was a hero in that way.
K-Rock jock Maria Melito said that Howard was doing this stuff for years and all of a sudden they tried to make an example out of him. She said that Howard was the first one to be so successful and so hilarious at the same time. She said that there are much worse things going on in this world than this radio show.
George Takei said he supports Howard whole heartedly. George said that it's ridiculous for a government agency to go after something like this. He said it's not any of the government's business.
Dee Snider said that Howard wasn't the only one doing this stuff and he was definitely targeted. He said he was being shit on but he was also pushing buttons.
Joe Walsh said he thinks that Howard was trying to push it when he was doing his thing. He said that's where the show was going and Howard was trying to figure out who he was and it just got bigger and bigger. Joe said that when you get to a certain point it becomes a whole different deal.
Jim Forbes said that the $6,000 fine was just the beginning. The freedom of the show had come to an end and they would never find that freedom again. It continued for another 15 years.
Robin said that the free wheeling fun of the show had come to an end after that. They went into another world where they were being monitored by Tom all the time. Howard said that they were doing these wild things and they had to stick by these guidelines. Howard said that they were stretching the envelope but the party stops when the government gets involved.
They wrapped up the History of Howard Stern: Act II with Howard thanking the guys who put the special together. He named a bunch of the guys who were involved with the special and some of the people who were interviewed for the special. He said he couldn't name them all because there were so many. Howard said that there were some people who supplied them with some archival material. Howard said that Part III will be coming up soon and even more specials will be in the works as well. They ended today's special around 12:50pm.