|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started off the show asking Artie what weekend is the best weekend to gamble. Artie said that gambling isn't a physical addiction but he's been playing poker with guys every Thursday night lately. He said that he bet the Jets over the weekend and he has a joke in his act that he does. He told the guys that the Jets will always fuck you even if a chick won't. He said that he didn't bet the Giants.
Artie said that the Jets should have beat the Raiders. He said that he thought they should win so he bet they'd win. Howard asked Artie if he's told his therapist that he's doing this. Artie said he hasn't told him the extent of it.
Artie said he played poker on Thursday and won $12,000. He actually went home with a little over 12 grand. He said that he's been playing with these guys for almost 20 years now so he's down by a lot more than that.
Artie said on Saturday he had to fly to Pittsburgh to do a gig. He went out on Friday night and they told him about a game down in Atlantic City at a hotel down there. It was the same guys he played with on Thursday. Artie said they're all AA guys who are playing.
This new game was a $2,500 buy in. He said that he had to catch a flight the next morning at 9 to get to Pittsburgh. He said his buddy called him a fag under his breath so he got in his car and drove to the hotel. He got in at around 1am and went up to the poker game. Artie said he never liked Texas Holdem because it's kind of bullshit. He said he prefers regular poker like 7 card stud or something like that.
Artie said he started playing all night and by 4 in the morning he was up $43,000. He said he was getting all of the great cards in the game and he's not even a good card player. He'll actually give a little ''Yeah!'' when he gets good cards.
Artie said he started texting his driver to find out where he was at 4 in the morning. He told the guy to come down to Atlantic City to come and pick him up to take him to the airport. Then he sat down and started losing all of that money.
Artie said he was down to $28,000 and he told the guys he had to get out of there. Artie said that he told the driver not to come and ended up getting a limo to get to the airport. He said they gave him 2 strippers in the car to go back up. Artie said they were solid Vegas 7s but Jersey 9.5s. He said they had fake tits and they weren't that great but they were pretty hot. He said one of them was Hispanic and had crazy blue contact lenses in. Howard said he hates that because the color is always off.
Artie said that they had 2 hours to kill in the car and he got 3 blow jobs on the way to the airport. Howard sounded surprised by that. Howard gave him a couple of ''Wow'' comments. Artie said that he blew three loads in that 2 hours.
Artie said that the other chick in the car was texting someone while the Hispanic chick was blowing him. He said that the white chick blew him once too.
Howard asked Artie how long it took for the chick to blow him the first time. Artie said that he had to make the first move. The chicks were just talking to him. Artie said that he would like to get the whores in there. He said they stopped at Burger King on the way back and got a whopper.
Artie said that the girls know that they're not in the car to talk. He said he walked out of the poker game with over $41,000 in cash on him.
Artie said he started making out with the one girl and the Hispanic chick started to blow him. He said that he didn't tell them to do anything but they just went in and did it.
Artie said he doesn't prefer having more than one chick to concentrate on. He said the driver put up the partition and he knew what was going on.
Artie said he got home to his apartment around 7 in the morning and he had to get a car to the airport around 9.
Artie said that he tipped the girls very well. He said he gave the driver a grand and the girls $1,500 each. He said he got phone numbers and everything. He said that one of them has two kids from what he heard. Artie said that kissing one chick gave him a contact high from whatever it was she was doing all night.
Artie said that he's not a good card player, he just got lucky. He told Howard that you get the cards you get and you go with it. He said that he was on a streak for a while and lucked out.
Artie said that he called his buddy after he got home and told him that he had two kings in the game and ''two 8s'' on the ride home.
Artie said that the driver knew how to get to his house so he didn't have to say anything to him on the ride home. He said the girls knew what they were there for. He hadn't showered since the night before and figured that he wasn't too sweaty or anything. He said that he didn't care at that point though. He said for the kind of money he gave the girls, he doesn't care if he was stinky. He said that he wishes that he was.
Artie said they used condoms when they blew him so that kind of sucked. He said that he got laid about a week ago but this was still great.
Artie said that one of the girls put the rubber on with her mouth. He said that she was really good at that and he's not sure how they practice that.
Artie told Howard that rubbers don't feel as good as getting a regular blow job without one. He said he likes a dick in a pussy without any rubber on. There's nothing that feels any better than that.
Howard told Artie that he must have a good strong hard on if he can do it 3 times in 2 hours. He said that must show that he's healthy in that way.
Artie said that one of the girls threw the condom away in her Whopper wrapper. Howard said he remembers seeing condoms on the ground when he was a kid in Roosevelt. He always wondered where they came from.
Artie said that they went to Burger King after he got two blow jobs. He said they all went into the place together and it must have been quite a sight. Howard asked Artie about what he got to eat. Artie said that he got two double cheeseburgers and they're better than any food at Le Cirque any day. He got fries and a shake to go along with that. The one girl got a double Whopper with cheese and the other girl got a chicken wrap or something that he made her order herself because that was too gay for him to order.
Artie said that they ate in the corner of the Burger King with the two strippers and the driver who looked like he just came over on the boat from Italy.
Howard asked Artie if he had any gas in the car. Artie said that he didn't eat all night so he didn't have gas. He said that the one girl fell asleep after she ate. The other chick was still up so she went to work after they ate.
Artie said he wonders what the girls talk about when they're talking about their day at work. He said that the Puerto Rican chick was hotter than the other chick but he did end up making out with that chick after snuggling with her a little bit. He said that she kissed him and then went down on him.
Howard asked Artie if he wanted the fuck the girl. Artie said he thought about it but he didn't really think he would. He said he was sitting on his money the whole night and didn't want it to disappear. He said he would make the girls clap their hands the whole time if they were up in his apartment.
Artie said he told people to keep calling him to make sure he didn't miss his car. He said he gave his driver a couple hundred bucks to keep him up. He went and did his gig in Pittsburgh and it was great.
Artie said that Will the Farter missed his first 3 shots but then the fourth one he actually hit and got cheers from the crowd. He said that the first three got boos.
Teddy ended up looking like a mime after the set because Will had powder in his ass. He said that the act worked out okay for him because he did hit the one balloon. Artie said that you never follow a farter so he had him go at the end of the show.
Artie said that he met Pittsburgh Pete and the guy went out and people started booing him after a few seconds. He said the guy turned out to be a nice guy and they bonded there at the show.
Artie said that he got into his first set routine and Ass Napkin Ed yelled out ''I am here!'' so he had to ask him to shut up. JD said that Ed was drunk before the show and he kept getting worse and worse as the night went on. JD said that he was also asking for him to hug him and touch him and stuff.
Artie said that Ed was hanging over the potato chips and stuff and it was really gross. He said he smelled like a guy who shit in a bucket at his house.
Artie said that JD turned around and he's never seen him look so angry before. He was pissed about Ed doing something.
Howard said JD had a story about Artie faking a heart attack on the plane but he's so horrible telling a story that he can't tell it. Howard asked JD to tell the story but he started giggling right away.
JD was saying that Artie was asked to put his seat belt on as they were going in for a landing but Artie said that he couldn't do that. The stewardess said that she would go get him an extension. Artie took the seat belt and did something with it. He was laughing so much that he couldn't get the story out. Howard told JD to stop laughing and just get the story out.
JD tried to get the story out and told Howard that Artie stretched his seat belt across the aisle with Teddy. Fred did his impression of JD trying to tell the story and mumbled it all.
JD said that the stewardess put the extension on and then Artie put the belt on and said ''Oh my heart!'' and pretended that he was dead and acted lifeless. Howard said that JD has the gift of gab and he needs to cultivate it. Howard said that a 3 year old could have told that story better.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they don't serve hamburgers at that time of morning that he was driving home. Artie said that they did at the place he went to. They usually stop serving that stuff but they do have it in the back.
Gary said they had Pittsburgh Pete's act to play. Howard said he would play it but they have Cheech and Chong coming in. In the clip Pete was on stage and goofing on Artie and slurring his words. He said that he had been drinking all night and had nothing to say. Artie tried to get Pete off the stage but the guy kept going until the audience started chanting ''Asshole, asshole...'' Then Pete tried to take his dick out so Artie had to stop him.
Howard said that he wasn't totally unentertaining. He said he had a couple of good lines there.
Howard said that Jessica Hahn sent him flowers for his wedding so he got in a thanks to her. He congratulated Artie on his book, Too Fat To Fish, and some other stuff while he was getting in the thanks there.
Howard read through JD's top 10 list and he had Natalie Maines at number 10. That led to Howard talking about her being on Celebrity Superfan Roundtable on Thursday night. He said that they outed Kristin Chenoweth on the show as being a fan of the show.
Howard read through the list and JD had Natalie Maines, Suzanna Melendez, Jillian Barberie, Melissa Zapin, Heather Clem (Bubba's wife) and Brent's wife since they're like a team. Howard said that they got some pictures of Heather for the web site and she was dressed all sexy in those.
Up next on the list were Jill Martin, Kelly Ripa, Sam Simon's girl, Kristin Takemen (Beth's friend) and at number 1 Cat (Howard's friend Greg's girl). Howard said that there were tons of hot chicks there at the wedding. Howard mentioned that Melania was really hot and she didn't make it on any of these lists. JD said he didn't get a good look at her. He said that all he saw was Donald.
Artie said that he got to say a quick hello to Melania and she knew who he was and said his name so that was a big deal to him. He said that Trump said something nice to him about the speech he made during the wedding.
Artie said Tommy Mitola's girl, Thalia, was there and she was hot. He said that a lot of the guys missed her. Howard said Tommy sent him some wine and the stuff was so good that he called the liquor store to find out how to get more. He said they can't even get the stuff and you need connections to get it.
JD said that he was sitting next to a really hot chick at the wedding and he was glancing and learning at her a little bit. Howard said he'll get this list up on the web site as soon as he can.
Artie asked how JD could leave Stamos' girl off of that list. Howard said that she was hot. Mary McCormack didn't make the list either but she was looking great. Howard said that Sarah Silverman made it to Ralph's list.
Howard had Eric on the phone and Eric was really upset about what Jillian was saying about the girl who he fucked. He said that she had no right to call her a whore. Howard told Eric that she is a whore though. Eric said it was the way she said it.
Howard played a clip of Jimmy Kimmel and Jeff Probst talking about Eric losing his virginity. Jimmy said that he's not even sure if he believes the story. Jimmy also said that he'd love to see the tape. Natalie Maines said that she has visualized it and she imagines it being like a beach ball at a concert where he gets passed around.
Howard said that Eric took a beating during that show. He said that some people don't want to hear Eric on the air at all. Eric said that he doesn't want to hear that bitch Jillian anymore. Howard said she was really slamming him and really seems to hate him.
Howard said that Jeff and Natalie were having a great conversation on the show and then Mariann from Brooklyn called in and ruined it by saying that it was all about Natalie. Howard got Mariann on the phone and told her she was the worst. Mariann said that they used her question before they put her on the air. She said that she couldn't hear anything they were saying on the phone either so that's why she was talking over them.
Howard played the clip of Mariann calling in while Jeff and Natalie were talking about Natalie's relationship with Ralph. Mariann was talking over them and ruined the conversation. Howard said that the conversation was a natural conversation and it was sounding really good until Mariann called in.
Mariann said that they were talking about the difference between Wack Packers and superfans and they were insulting the Wack Packers. Mariann said she didn't like the show.
Howard said that he liked the show and he hopes that they do it again. He said it was so good. He said that it was interesting to hear their perspective on the show. Howard said his advice to Natalie would be to ignore people like Mariann when they call in like that.
Howard said that he can't go on SternFanNetwork anymore because of how brutal people are to him. Robin said that's what it's like when you take calls like Mariann's. Howard said he goes on SFN sometimes but it's filled with such hate that he can't go on anymore.
Mike Gange came in and said that everyone was so nervous about Howard's review of the show. Howard said that Jeff and Natalie were great as hosts. He said Natalie is very natural on the air. Howard said that Natalie and Jillian performed ''Landslide'' together to show what it was like at the wedding. Jeff went off on Jillian for talking too much for a second. Howard played the audio of Jillian singing the song and let out a couple of chuckles while it was playing.
Howard said they had some good callers on the show and the song was great to hear. They were goofing on Jillian's performance of the song though. Gange said that Natalie was looking really hot there too. Gange said that Jillian didn't stop talking once during the show either.
Gange said that Lisa G was there for Howard 100 News and she was all dressed up in her best ''slut outfit'' with hight boots and a mini skirt. Artie said that she looks like an extra in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. He said it looks like Walt Disney threw up on her dress.
Gange said that Lisa wanted to eat at Nobu but then she didn't eat more than one bite there. Artie said that she just wanted to be at Nobu, she didn't care about the food.
Cheech said that it was actually his fiancee. He was having some problems with his headphones so they had to sort that out.
Howard said that he never thought that he'd be on the radio talking to both Cheech and Chong. He then asked who the woman was in there. Cheech said that this is Natasha and she's from Russia. He said he got her online and not from the back of a magazine like Robin thought he did.
Natasha plays classical piano so Howard talked to her about that a little bit. Howard asked her if she knew about Cheech's work when she met him. She had heard of Cheech but not of Cheech and Chong. Cheech said it took just one thing to get her into bed and that was his personality.
Howard asked Natasha if she hears Cheech talking about Chong in a bad way while they're at home. She said that never happens.
Howard asked Cheech about his past marriages and what went wrong there. He said that he didn't cheat on anyone, he just fudged the line a little bit.
Howard asked the guys why they split up. He figured that it was because Cheech wanted to get away from the stoner movie type of thing. Chong said that he didn't even know they were broken up. Howard said that Tommy must have been upset about the way they broke up. He said they had a great relationship and there must have been some anger when Cheech decided to keep Chong out of his movie.
Cheech said that started out with a record, not even with the movie. He said that they weren't in the same place at the same time. He said that he likes Tommy a lot but he thought that they could move on and do things other than drug movies.
Howard asked Tommy why he wrote a movie that didn't have their drug humor in it. Chong said that Cheech was looking to get out of the drug stuff and he didn't want to do the last 3 Cheech and Chong movies. He said that Cheech says no to everything and he says yes so they usually end up in the middle somewhere.
Howard said that they had a bit of a reunion back on the WWOR TV show. They did a bit on there where they did a Christmas special and they did seem to be trying to get back together. Cheech said they would start the process but then they'd end up arguing and things would blow up.
Chong said Cheech came to his 60th birthday party and thought that they could get back together doing music. He said that wouldn't work so they never did it. Then 10 years later they're getting back together and Chong said that they could get back together with music. Cheech was the one saying it wouldn't work this time.
Howard told the guys that there is something between the two that is so angry. He said that it seems like they really wanted to hurt each other. Chong said that there's a big ego problem there. Chong said that he used to write the lyrics and Cheech would perform the songs. Then Cheech did the ''Born in East L.A.'' song and did both himself.
Howard asked Cheech if he knew he was leaving Chong out and kind of ending things. Cheech said he wasn't looking to get rid of him, he just wanted to do other things other than the drug stuff.
Cheech and Chong said that they met up in Canada in Vancouver. Cheech said that he grew up in L.A. and his father loved the comedy they were doing even though he was a cop. He said his father didn't like that he was dodging the draft though. He said that his father wasn't upset that he was in show business or anything like that. Cheech said that he was a singer before he was doing comedy.
Cheech said that hey were going to have a band that did comedy when they first started out. They were doing an improv thing at a topless bar that Chong's family owned. He said they understood each other and their bond was musical.
Howard said that the music must have become secondary to them at some point. Cheech said that it did and they were doing the topless improv stuff.
Howard asked the guys when they got into the drug stuff. They said it was when they got to L.A. that they started that. Chong said they met the right Jew there and he helped them get going. They said that was Lew Adler. They said that they wanted to sue him for taking their money but they ended up getting sued instead. Chong said that he got sued because he had to finish his house. He said that he went to get some money that was in this one pool of money and they weren't able to get it. Tommy said that he got sued for this outstanding loan he took out and Cheech didn't even know that he had taken it out.
Howard asked the guys how they got the record deal. Cheech said that Lew Adler saw them at a gig one night after a woman told him about their act. They mentioned that it was a girl who told him about them so that led to Howard asking them about sharing women. They said that they may have done that. Howard asked if they orgied and did things like that.
Cheech said that he wouldn't share girls with Chong. He said that they didn't have famous women either. Cheech said that famous women are a pain in the ass. Howard asked if the two of them were attracted to one another. Cheech sounded like he was a little confused there. He said that Chong does have a big dick though. He said that he would see him with other women and see the size of his dick. Howard figured he must have some rivalry there based on that dick thing.
Chong said that he's a little over 6 inches and it's not that big. Cheech said that's when it's soft. Chong said that he really can't tell them how big it is. He said his wife wouldn't appreciate that. Howard gave the guys a plug for their new show and said that Sal went to see them and said that they're great.
Howard said he thought he had Sal's e-mail about the show but wasn't able to find it. Then he found it and said that it was actually Dan the Song Parody Man who wrote him the glowing review.
Howard said that the guys are going to be at Westbury Music Fair for their Cheech and Chong Light Up America tour. Tommy's wife is opening up the show with her own stuff so Howard asked Cheech if he's upset about that. Howard asked why Tommy would risk screwing up the gig by demanding that his wife is in the tour. Tommy said he doesn't care about Cheech and he thinks that she's really good in it. Cheech said that she really does have the chops to do it and she's good.
Howard asked Cheech why he didn't visit Chong more when he was in jail. He said that he only went once because he had to get an anal cavity search every time he had visitors. Chong said that it was actually great to have him visit.
Cheech said that he thought it was ridiculous that they sent him to jail for the stuff he was in for. Chong said that there are some other guys who were in jail with him and they're all doing okay now that they're out. He said that they're all on top right now.
Howard asked Cheech about working with Chong now and if he thought that their act wasn't going to be relevant anymore. Cheech said that they know their bits so well that they don't even have to rehearse them. He said that it was like old times when they got back together. Chong said that they have to tell each other their lines sometimes.
Howard asked the guys about when their album hit big and what kind of money they were making then. Cheech said that they were collecting pop bottles before the album hit. They were doing really well after it did hit and ended up being able to buy houses and stuff.
Howard asked the guys if they became acceptable once the album hit. Cheech said that his girlfriend's family accepted him after he hit big. He said that they didn't like him before that.
Cheech told some stories about going out to Hollywood parties and stuff and how everyone was someone at the parties. Cheech said that John Lennon was at one party they went to.
Howard asked Cheech if he was upset about the unauthorized biography that Chong wrote. Cheech claims that he's not upset about it at all. Artie said that he was most upset that Cheech left Chong out of ''Nash Bridges.''
Chong said that he used to be at comedy shows out in the middle of nowhere and he'd see Cheech on ''Nash Bridges'' and then he'd go out and rag on him during the show and people would point out that Cheech was on TV and he wasn't.
Chong said that Cheech wasn't doing his character without him so that kind of saved them. Cheech said that they had to put the two halves together to make it happen again so that's what they've done for this tour. He said that he was very proud of being Cheech of Cheech and Chong and he still loves the character.
Robin asked how often they contacted each other about stuff other than work. They said that they actually did keep in touch with each other quite a bit when it wasn't work related. It wasn't all about work.
Cheech said that he'd like to see Robin and Howard out on the road for two weeks in a row. Howard asked Cheech if he's still playing Hurley's dad on ''Lost.'' Cheech said that he is and he just did an episode before they went out on tour.
Chong is now 70 years old so Howard asked Cheech if he's blown away by that. Cheech is 62 and he said that it's funny that they're two old fogies out doing this stuff now.
Howard gave the guys some more plugs for the shows they're doing and said you can find out more at CheechAndChongTour.com.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that her mother claims she had sex with both Cheech and Chong. She said that her first name was Sherri and she had long red hair and she was very voluptuous. The guys said they didn't remember her.
Howard took some more calls and let some fans tell the guys how great they were. Richard also came in and told them that they're his gods. Howard told Richard that he says that to all of their guests. Richard said that now he means it.
Richard asked the guys if there's going to be another movie. they said there could be. They don't have a deal right now but Chong said they have some Jews working on it.
Richard also asked if they do Beaners and Mexicans at their show. They said that they do that now. Richard said he wants to go see them so he can sing along with them.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked the guys how they like to smoke their weed. They liked to roll it and smoke a joint. They were also asked if they were doing coke this morning too because they were sniffing a lot. Cheech said he has a cold and he did blow years ago but it didn't last long. Chong said that they did one show on blow and it sucked so they stopped after that. They've also tried acid and loved that. Howard said he hated acid.
Howard gave the guys some more plugs and wrapped up with the guys a short time later. Howard also quickly talked to them about discovering Pee Wee Herman. They said that they gave them his first shot in the movies in one of theirs.
Tommy also threw in a plug for his DVD ''AKA Tommy Chong'' that's out now. He said you can find that at AKATommyChong.com. They went to break after that.
Sal said that they're doing fictional stories based on who they are out in the hall. Howard said there's one security guard that goofs on Sal all the time and they found out that he's an actor so they put him in this thing. Howard got back to his commercial and finished that up.
Gary said that Lisa G, JD, Scott DePace, Jason, Ronnie, Scott and some others actually took the money. Howard said he would never take that. Benjy went out but said he was just joking around and didn't take it. Will got $1,100 but it was owed to him. Howard asked what it was for.
Howard said that now Will can get his labiaplasty. Will came in and said that it was wedding money but it wasn't really from him so he tried to refuse to take it but there is no saying no to Artie. One of the interns got $100 too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's glad that he's on XM now. The guy said that he got XM as a standard feature so that's why he was listening to that. The guy said that he was limited to XM in the truck but now he can hear their show on XM so it's great.
Artie came back in and said that he gave the $1,100 to Will because he was supposed to give it to Dominic but Dominic told him to just give it to Will. He said that he has a wad of $100s so he just started handing them out. He said he was forcing it on some of the guys. Howard said that he doesn't like that people were actually taking it. Artie insisted he forced upon them though so it wasn't a big deal.
A caller told Howard how great the Gary labia thing was on Howard TV. Howard said that they saved that bit doing that Gary's lips as labia thing.
Howard said that he had a couple of interesting clips to share. He said that Eric the Midget got hammered in the show. Jillian Barberie said that she would have banged him back in the days when he was single. Howard played the audio from that part of the show.
Howard said he played that part of the show for Beth and that got him laid. He said that she told him that she could get laid too. Howard said that there were two guys at his wedding that put the moves on Beth at the wedding, and they were pretty aggressive. He said that he can't say who they are though. Artie told him that's kind of fucked up.
Howard said he thought the Chevy Chase speech at his wedding was nice but Jimmy Kimmel called the Celebrity Superfan Roundtable and talked about how he didn't like the Chevy Chase speech. Natalie Maines said that she was for it if Howard was laughing and he was from what she could see. Jimmy thought that Howard was laughing and smiling but might have been putting that on. Jimmy said he thinks that Chevy misjudged the room and didn't come off very well.
Howard said that he really thought it was funny. Robin said that Donald Trump kind of glazed over during that speech and he didn't like it either. Howard said that Trump is very direct when it comes to stuff like that. Senator Al D'Amato was there at the table with Trump too. Howard said he was talking to the guys about marriage and kids and stuff and D'Amato was going on a long time. Trump looked at Howard and said that he hopes that he doesn't have to sit through a story like that again. Trump said it right in front of D'Amato. D'Amato told him to shut up.
Howard played some audio of Jimmy Kimmel talking about his dislike for Ralph. He also had some audio of Jillian talking about how she would sleep with JD and some of the other guys on the show too. Howard said that was making him have second thoughts on that whole thing. He played the clip and she didn't say that she would sleep with them but she was talking about how she would walk up and slap some people in the face to see if they could take it. Howard said that he'd be pissed if she did something like that.
Howard got Eric the Midget back on the phone and asked him if he had a rebuttal for Jillian. Eric said that he never had anything to say about her but now that bitch is on his shit list big time. He said that Howard's unfunny little friend Jimmy Kimmel was calling him a deflated beach ball or whatever and that wasn't cool either. Eric said that it (losing his virginity) was all fucking true.
Howard said that Eric is going to be coming in soon with his whores. Eric said that he's willing to take a lie detector test to prove that it's true too.
Howard said that Eric is upset about what they were saying about him on the show. Eric said that he would prefer it if they don't have a version 2 of that show. He said that if they do they should leave Jimmy and Jillian off the show.
Eric said that Jillian is a flat-out air headed bitch. He said that she shrunk her brain when she shrunk her weight. Gary said that Jillian wants to drive off the road when she hears him on the air.
Ralph called in and said that he agrees with Eric about Jimmy being an asshole. He said that Jimmy had his chance to be nice and he wasn't. He said that he couldn't care less about what Jimmy has to say. Eric said that Jimmy is two faced. Ralph agreed. Eric couldn't believe that he and Ralph agreed on something.
Ralph said that Jimmy doesn't like that he's pointing out that he rips Howard off. Howard said that he doesn't think Jimmy did anything to Eric. He said that calling him a beach ball isn't that big of a deal.
Eric said that he doesn't want his family finding out more about this stuff. He said that they're not happy about his trip to the Bunny Ranch. He said they want to kick him out of the house that he's living in. Howard said that he should explain to him that he's a grown man and he wants to have sex so that's what he did. Eric said that's what he told them.
Howard said that he'd like to know what's up with his family. Fred said that this is his one chance at happiness and they're going to fuck with that? Robin asked him what they expected. Eric said that they must expect him to stay a virgin his whole life.
Eric said he told his parents about the trip to the bunny ranch because he didn't want them reading it online. He said that they go to ''Mark's web site'' to read about it. Howard asked why they go to MarksFriggin to read about that stuff. Eric said they want to keep up on what he's doing so they read it there.
Eric said that his parents told him that they think he's becoming an embarrassment to the family. Howard told Eric that he's always been an embarrassment to his family so this isn't new. Eric told him to shut up. Gary came in and said that he's feeling sorry for Eric now that he's hearing this stuff. He said that Eric is kind of like a man child because he is so dependant on people but he is a grown man.
Howard said that Eric could live in Sam Simon's dog house if he gets kicked out of his house. Howard said that Eric isn't going to get thrown out. He said he doesn't think his parents are going to do that. Eric said he's been invited back to the Bunny Ranch for Dennis Hof's birthday party. He said that's coming up on the weekend of the 8th of November. Eric said that it depends on who can make it there though.
Eric said that he hasn't told his parents that he's going back to the bunny ranch. Artie said that MarksFriggin is going to tell them for him. Eric said he's going to tell them himself.
Howard said that he has to make the Eric Real Doll even though he doesn't want it made. Artie said they're going to fuck the shit out of it once they get it.
Eric said that he's going to be going back to the ''library'' to ''read some books'' with Dennis Hof on the weekend of November 8th. He said that it all depends on who can make it there though so it's not set in stone that he'll be going back to the ''library.''
Howard asked Eric if he could get that guy from MarksFriggin to say that he's going to the Library instead of going to the Bunny Ranch to get his parents off his case. Eric said that would be great. Howard asked Mark to just say that he's going to the library instead of to the Bunny Ranch. Artie said that he should say that he's going to the library to fuck a whore. Ralph said that no one is going to believe that he's going to the library.
Howard said that he could do that and save Eric some hassle. Howard said that ''books'' would equal whores and the ''library'' is the whore house. Robin said that if he read two books then it means he fucked two whores.
Howard said that he knows that Mark has rules about what he does but he thinks that he has rules about what he writes and he might not stick to this whole plan. Howard said they were going to give him a job to work for his web site but he didn't want his stuff cut down. (Um, not true, it was more about not getting paid a cent to do the job.) Howard said he likes Mark and he hopes that he'll help a guy out. Eric said that Mark has been in the JFSC and he's cool. Artie said that Mark looks like Bernhard Goetz, but he is a nice guy. Howard said that Bernhard is a good looking dude, what's he talking about?
Eric said that he's actually left the JFSC for now because they banned one of the bunny Ranch girls. He said that they booted out another person that he didn't want booted too.
Howard asked Eric why they would kick out a girl that Eric didn't want booted. Eric said that it's the two lead moderators that booted them. He said that they have to go by Stickam rules there and they may have broken those rules.
Howard said that he hopes that his family doesn't give him a hard time about all of this stuff. He let him go a short time later. Ralph was doing his impression of Eric as he was saying goodbye. Eric told him to shut up. Ralph asked him for a ''Bye for now.'' Eric actually came through and gave them one. Ralph was stuttering like Eric used to do but Eric wasn't stuttering today so his impression wasn't accurate for today's call. Howard wrapped up that conversation a short time later.
Howard said he threw the movie in his bag and said that he would watch it. He said that he likes comic book character movies instead. He said that he saw that the movie was an Adam Sandler movie and he can't believe that they were recommending the movie to him. He said that he thought that it was a bad movie that was in and out of the theaters. Artie said that it did pretty well though.
Howard said he got a call before he was about to watch it and his mother told him that it wasn't this movie, it was something else and she got the title wrong. Howard said that his parents hated the movie when they sat down to watch it. He said he's not even sure what movie it was that they were supposed to see.
Howard said he's going to watch it just to see how bad it is. He said that Robin should come and see it with him. Artie said that he loved the movie but it's goofy and funny.
Howard said he watched the shittiest movie. Chris Booker came over to hang out so they decided to watch the movie called ''The Happening.'' He said that it was the biggest piece of shit. He said that it was M. Knight Shymalan's movie and he's a big fan of his but this movie was just bad. He said the movie was about a virus that's in the air and makes people kill themselves. There's no ending to it though.
Howard said that M. Knight has made some good movies but the newer ones are really bad. They talked about how Signs was still pretty good but then after that they went down hill. Howard said that The Village wasn't good and The Happening was really bad.
Ralph said that he actually liked The Happening. He said that it was the first movie of his that he actually liked. Ralph said it did have an ending. He said that he hated The Incredible Hulk movie that Howard loved. He said that the Dark Knight was really bad too. Howard cut Ralph off and said that was enough of this geek talk.
Mike Gange came in and said that her name is Megan Heaton and she's had an affair with a Jessica Simpson look alike. Howard saw some pictures of her and she was hot. Gange said that she's Spanish, Italian and American Indian. Howard said she's got 34-DD breasts too.
Megan came in and Howard said there was nothing wrong with her that he could see. Artie asked her to come to Letterman on November 5th.
Megan said that she's actually a real estate agent and the wives don't like her when she's showing houses. Howard asked her if she gets hit on all the time. She had a really husky voice and said that she doesn't smoke. Artie seemed to like that voice.
Megan said that she doesn't drive people in her car when she shows homes, she has them follow her around. Howard said that guys must hang around just to be around her all day. She said that it can be kind of awkward when the guys are just staring at her. She said that she has to wear high cut shirts to cover up so the guys don't see her chest.
Megan said that she isn't selling houses right now because the market is so bad. She said that she met Mike Gange and he got her into this gig.
Megan said she's 25 years old. Howard asked her if she's single. She said that she is right now. She only had one experience with another girl. She said that she dresses like this when she's out on the beach and she'll go topless down in Miami. Howard said that guys must be jumping on her all the time down there. She said that there are a lot of hot women down there so it's not that big of a deal.
Howard asked Megan about the boyfriend thing again. She said she's been on and off with this guy for a couple of years. Howard asked why a guy wouldn't stay with her.
Megan said that she posed for Playboy and she's going to be in that in a couple eof months. She said that she's in an Employee of the Month type of thing. She's going to the Halloween party out at the Playboy mansion this weekend. Artie said that he's going to that party this weekend and asked if she's got a date. She said that she's going with a friend of her's.
Howard asked Megan if she's been out to the mansion before. She said she was there so Howard asked who she fucked. She said that she had guys hitting on her but she didn't sleep with any of them. Megan said that she had some fun with her girlfriend there and didn't sleep with anyone.
Megan told Howard about the one time she had the lesbian experience. She was hanging out with a friend that night after going out to a bar. Howard found out that she's fully shaved down below and he said he could tell from the way that outfit was cut.
Megan said that this other girl looked like Jessica Simpson and they were drinking the night that this happened. She said that one thing led to another and it only happened one time. Howard told her that he had to take her step by step through this story because she wasn't good at telling a story.
Howard said that he had to get into detail with this story so he calmed everyone down and got into the story. Howard took her from the start and asked her about what the other girl was like and if she was the aggressive one. Megan said the other girl was the one touching her over her bra and stuff while they were out at this bar.
Megan said that all of the guys in Philadelphia are jerk-offs so you don't even want to deal with them. Howard found out that Megan and the other girl went back to her apartment after the bar and the other girl took Megan's clothes off. Megan said that she stripped her down to nothing but her high heels. She said that the other girl went down on her while she was standing there and she was shaking thinking about it.
Howard said that Megan's legs were apart and the other girl went down there and started to give her soft kisses on her vagina. Megan said that she got right to it and sucked on her clitoris. She said that she was playing with her ass and stuff like that too. Megan said that she didn't even think about it that much until now.
Howard had to slow Megan down again when she started to jump ahead in the story. Megan said that the other chick was really good at oral but she ended up bringing out some toys to play with. She said the other chick's top was off and she was doing stuff to her. Megan said that when she came back with the toys she hadn't orgasmed yet. She had a vibrator and stuff and she had never experienced anything like that. Megan said that she had a big orgasm with that. She said that she did some stuff to the other chick too and that was the first and last time they did it. She said it was the only time she ever did anything like that.
Gary said that he read that Megan hooked up with a famous football player and found out that he was engaged after she hooked up with him. Megan said that she will never tell anyone who that was.
Howard read that Megan has a kid too so he asked her what happened there. She said that he's almost 3 now. She said that her body might actually be better after the kid than it was before. She said that she and the father get along fine and they're co-parenting him just fine.
Howard said that the kid is her only flaw from what he can tell. Artie said that he's not sure about that but maybe in a few years he could hit the kid some grounders and stuff. Howard asked Megan if she thinks she's the hottest chick she's ever seen. Megan said she doesn't think like that.
Howard asked Megan about doing anal and she denied ever doing it but Howard figured she was lying. He gave her some plugs for being Miss Howard TV and for her Myspace page which is at Myspace.com/ElusiveMegan. Howard asked if she's naked on there. She said that she can't be naked on Myspace. She said it's just for networking.
Howard took a call from a guy who had some audio of Kelly Ripa saying ''shit'' accidentally. The guy played it for him but it was just a mistake and not like she was saying ''shit'' on purpose. She was trying to say Mike Schmidt and said ''shit'' instead. Howard went to break after that.
Steve said that they have a story about the L.A. Times stonewalling them with questions about this story they ran recently about Howard not being relevant anymore. Steve said they're pushing for answers on this story and want to find out more. Steve said that the L.A. Times is being run by a bunch of radio guys now.
Steve said they have a story about Sal's uncomfortable interviews in Harlem about the Presidential nominees. They've been spread all over the place and are even being played in schools to show how people should educate themselves. Artie said that's a glorious irony that Sal is actually teaching people something when he knows so little about that subject himself.
Howard played the audio of Sal interviewing people in Harlem about the Presidential nominees and the people not knowing many details. Howard said that Leno is probably going to steal that bit and make it his own. He said he hates that Jay stole that kind of thing from his show and calls it something so gay. He said he calls it ''Jay Walking.'' Jay claims that he didn't steal it from Howard, he stole it from Steve Allen. Howard played another clip of Sal doing some interviews with people about Barack Obama and showing how little they know about him.
Steve said that they've already got Artie's book in it's second printing 3 weeks before it's even released. He has a story about an interview that Howard did with a chess column. Howard said that the column was two of his games that he played that they printed in the NY Times. He said that he thinks the guy kind of paraphrased some of what he said and he's kind of off on that stuff he wrote. He said that he didn't say some of that stuff about Beth that they claim he did. He said other than that the article is complimentary.
Artie said that he wanted to surprise his mother with this big billboard thing he had coming soon but he knows that she reads MarksFriggin. Artie asked Howard to have MarksFriggin write that ''There's no way Artie will have a billboard in Times Square on November 3rd.''
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview and read through the stuff they were going to be covering today.
Robin started off with a story about sex offenders in Maryland who have to put pumpkins on their door saying that there's no candy there. that led to Howard saying that a pumpkin is going to attract kids so they should put a big dildo or a big picture of a guy fucking a kid in the ass up on their door.
Robin read some news about a Madonna and Guy Ritchie's break up. That led to Howard talking about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's kids and how that whole situation seems like a nightmare.
Robin read some news about this weekend's Saturday Night Live which featured the real Sarah Palin along with Tina Fey doing her impression of Palin. Howard played some audio of that show where they cut to Palin back stage with Lorne Michaels and Alec Baldwin.
The SNL discussion led to the guys talking about how the video from SNL and shows like that are on the web now. Howard said that's killing the ad business and NBC has no choice but to put those clips on the web now.
Robin played some audio of Amy Pohler doing a rap on the show and then Howard had to take a break around 10:10am.
After the break Howard came right back and had Robin get back to her news. Robin read some news about how they're doing a Sarah Palin look-alike contest at some strip club. Howard said that Palin is good looking and seems to have a nice ass but he's not sure about that. Fred said that she is supposed to be a runner so maybe she does have a good body. Then again she just gave birth to that baby of her's so maybe she's not in good shape.
The guys talked about how hot Palin might be. Artie said that she's not quite as hot as one of the women who blew him in the limo this weekend.
Robin read some news about Mr. Blackwell passing away this weekend. She had some examples of his work to play. Howard said he used to enjoy when he'd call into the show with his fashion reviews and stuff. Howard said he had a great story he told one time about getting blown but he doesn't remember what it was. Gary said he had to look it up but he knows what he's talking about.
Robin said that Levi Stubbs from The Four Tops died over the weekend as well. Robin had some of their music to play as she was doing that story. She said that another member died in 1997 and one in 2005. There is only one guy left of The Four Tops.
Robin read some news about the Grammy Awards nomination announcements and how they're doing an hour long prime time TV special instead of a press conference.
Robin read a story about some people arrested in a child molester sting. She had some news about the World Series and how the Philadelphia Phillies are in it this year along with the Tampa Bay Rays. The guys spent a couple of minutes talking about how they're going to be rooting for the Phillies since the fans are so great down in Philly.
Robin read some news about kids with ADHD and how they have to worry about parents getting divorced now. She said that's a problem that those kids are facing these days. That led to Howard talking about how he really doesn't want kids and that's just one thing he wouldn't be able to handle. He said Beth can see that he really doesn't want kids and she's with him. Howard also brought up the Jenny McCarthy story where she claims she was able to cure her son of autism with his diet. Howard said she must be pissing off doctors everywhere with that. Howard said that the next thing you know she's going to cure prostate cancer along with Jim Carrey. Artie said he does talk out of his ass so maybe that will happen.
Robin had some John McCain and Barack Obama audio clips and stories that she went through. She also had a story about the new Jets stadium and how much money fans are going to have to give up to get season tickets.
Robin read about Don Cornelius getting arrested over the weekend. Robin said that it was a domestic violence call. Howard said that the guy is a humorless guy. He said he knew he was a hot head after their dealing with him. Robin played some audio of him introducing Soul Train. Robin also had the 911 call where someone called to get the cops to come out.
Robin read some news about the Max Payne movie opening this weekend. She also had some audio of Britney Spears new song going to number 1 on the Billboard charts. She went from 96 to number 1 in a week. She had Howard play some audio of that song before ending her news. They ended the show around 10:50am.
Jon said that Richard was joining them now and asked him if he thinks he has too many favorites. Richard said that he likes a lot of things so that's why he has so many of them. Richard said that he really would have been impressed if the Mackenzie brothers were in.
Gary said that Richard likes to hang around his office when they have guests that he likes. Today he asked if he should go in and ask if they felt ripped off by the Mackenzie brothers. Gary told Richard that no one cares.
Gary said that he got an e-mail from a guy who was pissed about having Neil Peart on the show but they've never been offered the chance to have him on. Richard said that they actually gave Neil a tour of the studio one time. Gary asked them to get off his back then because they came that close to the guy already.
Gary said that Cheech and Chong just came in with no one else except for Cheech's fiancee. Gary said that they didn't bring anyone else with them.
Gary said that Cheech and Chong just walked in with Natasha and he didn't expect her to be going in there. He said that he didn't mind her coming in since he knew they'd get to her eventually anyway.
Jon played a clip from the interview where Cheech and Tommy were talking about Tommy's wife being in their show on the road.
Richard said that Tommy's wife is actually funny in their movies and she's probably funny in the show. Benjy said that you might actually get a kick out of that for a few minutes if you're a fan of Cheech and Chong.
Richard said that Chong was breathing really heavy and the pot smoking must be catching up to them. Gary said he was shocked to hear that Chong is 70 years old. Richard said that he never wanted to get high from watching their movies but he did try ''grass'' when he was in high school. Richard said that the weed didn't do too much for him.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Richard what his favorite clip is from the movies. Richard told the guy that Cheech and Chong's Next Movie where they're stealing gas in the huge trash can was funny to him. He also liked Red Mendoza from Next Movie too. The caller said he liked the scene where they had the extended exhaust pipes and blew down flowers. The guy was saying he wanted to get something singed by the guys so they told him to try bringing it to a show and see what happens.
Another caller asked how Cheech and Chong's demeanor was and if they were okay with each other. Gary said that they were both acting like there wasn't any animosity between them. If there is they just joke about it and laugh it off.
The caller also said that he saw Rush in 1978 and it was a great show. Jon said that he and Richard saw them in their last final show they did at Madison Square Garden.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he saw Chong's wife open for him at a show about a year ago. He said that she is highly mediocre and she does comedy. He said that she did about 10 or 15 minutes and Tommy comes out and he's really good. Then they did some bits together. He said he didn't want to call it pathetic but it was pretty mediocre.
Gary said that Dan the Song Parody Man saw their show too so if he's around he should call in. Richard said he might be busy banging because he is a poon hound.
Gary said that Jimmy really got upset with Ralph when he said some stuff about him on the air a few months ago and he really seems to dislike him now. They also talked about Eric the Midget being upset with Jimmy Kimmel. Gary said that's a whole other story.
Gary said that he wanted to go back to the Chevy Chase toast and asked Jon what he thought of it. Jon said that Chevy didn't read the crowd right and he didn't come off all that well. Benjy said that he thought he was funny but it didn't get a very good reaction. Jon thought it didn't fit in with the rest of the toasts that were done.
Richard said that JD was laughing during the Chevy Chase thing but JD said he wasn't. Richard figured he was laughing at Jason laughing at the toast.
Jon asked JD about the story he tried to tell this morning about the thing Artie did on their flight. JD said he laughs every time he thinks about the story. He said he thought it was funny that Artie pretended to be dead in front of the stewardess.
Jon asked JD if Artie was in a good mood after winning all of that money this weekend. JD said he was in better spirits this weekend. He wasn't handing out $100 bills like he was today. Richard said he took one of those bills today. Jon said he gave his back to Artie. Richard said that Artie wouldn't take his back.
Gary said that if that's what Artie wants to do with his money then he can see why people would take it. Richard said he tried to give it back to him but Artie refused to take it. He claims that Sal tried to give it back to him too.
Gary said that Sal came to him and said that if Will didn't want the $1,100 that he gave him then he would try to do some stunt do get it. Gary said that Will doesn't want to give it up and that wasn't a good idea.
Ralph called in and said that he's working on a list of stuff that Jimmy Kimmel has ripped off from the Stern Show going all the way back to the Man Show. He said he's inspired to do that and maybe even start a web site based on that after what Jimmy said about him.
Ralph said that Jimmy can't take a joke. He said he's just pointing something out that he sees. He said that everyone knows that he's ripping the show off and he's right about that.
Jon asked Ralph if he's banding together with Eric the Midget. Ralph said he wouldn't quite say that. He said that Jimmy was kind or rude to Eric when he called in and goofed on Eric. Gary sarcastically said that they've never done anything like that to anyone on the Stern Show. Ralph said they do and that's why Jimmy does it because he just rips off what they do on Howard's show.
Jon said that Ralph kind of took a lot of crap from the Celebrity Superfan Roundtable. Ralph said he did take some from Jimmy and Natalie but it wasn't that much. JD also did a list so Ralph got on him a little bit about ripping off his top 10 list idea.
JD said that he didn't have Sheri Moon or Sarah Silverman on his list. Gary said that Jim just pulled up a picture of the women on Howard's web site and Bubba's wife looks great and people have to see her tits.
Ralph said he didn't know that they could feel her up the way Bubba told Howard he could. Gary told him that he probably can't do that like Howard could.
A caller said that they should do the Celebrity Superfan thing every other week or so because he liked that show. Gary said that they should do it at least 3 or 4 times a year but they don't want to over do it. He said he thought Jeff (Probst) did a great job hosting the show.
Gary said that Mariann hated that show just for existing at all. They also talked about Jillian Barberie's singing and Gary said that it drove the point home pretty well when she sang on the show that she wasn't that good at the wedding. Richard said it doesn't help that Natalie's voice is like an angel's.
A caller said that he can't stand Eric the Midget and he gets under his skin and he can't take him. He said that everything he calls about is a complaint. Gary told him that's what's funny about him though.
Jon said that Jillian Barberie isn't a fan of Eric's either and she let that be known on the Superfan Roundtable show. Gary said that he likes to dislike Eric. He said he loves it when he makes demands and has no leverage. He said it's great that he's even demanding that his parents not kick him out when he doesn't have any power over that.
Benjy said that he thinks that Eric is torn about the whole thing and he doesn't know what to do. Gary said that it's a dilemma for every guy who wants to get laid.
Jon took another call from Wheels who asked the guys if they listened to the Celebrity Superfan show. The guys said they did and enjoyed it. Wheels said that Natalie has a great voice and he wondered if it's as great as Howard made it out to be. He said that Howard was talking about Natalie like she was the most beautiful woman. Gary said he likes her so he talked about how hot she was.
Wheels was also telling JD that Kelly Ripa looks like she has the body of a 10 year old boy and he doesn't get why JD put her on his list. JD said that she's really hot in person and he's not even into girls with that body type.
Wheels asked where Jerry O'Connell was at for the Celebrity Superfan show. Jon said that he's working down in New Orleans so he couldn't make it. Wheels also pointed out that his show ''Do Not Disturb'' has been canceled already. It didn't last long. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon brought up the story Artie told about getting 3 blow jobs in his limo ride home from Atlantic City. JD talked about being out in Pittsburgh with Artie for his show out there. He talked about how gross Ass Napkin Ed was and how he was trying to get into every picture that was being taken there. JD said the guy wanted him to hug him and touch him all the time too.
JD said he had to pull away from Ed and tell him to get away from him. Gary asked him when he last got into a fist fight. JD said that he hasn't really fought since high school. He said that he hasn't really been in a real fight though.
The guys were asking JD what he was going to do to Ed to get him away from him. Benjy asked him if he was going to take away his napkin or something.
Ed called in and asked JD what he thinks he would have done if he punched him. JD asked if he was sober now. Ed said that he was a little bit drunk that night but he's sober this morning. Ed said that he doesn't stink like Artie was saying either. He said that's fuckin ridiculous. He had some problems with his phone so JD asked what was wrong with it. Ed said it was a ''voice over'' phone. Benjy was the only one who knew what he meant. It was a VOIP phone.
Ed said that JD was the one who was acting like a creep, it wasn't him. He claimed that it was JD who was trying to hug him. JD told him he's an idiot and he's lying now. He said they gave him the privilege of being back stage at the show and now he's acting like an asshole.
Teddy said that Ed was walking out on stage during the show too so Artie ended up yelling at him for letting the guy out there. He said that Ed's entourage looked like the motorcycle gang in ''Weird Science'' too so that was odd.
Jon took a call from a guy who was at the show in Pittsburgh and he thought Ed was an asshole. He said he was embarrassing. The guy also said that he had to bust on Richard a little bit about the Ronnie Mund Show because Richard thinks that Judaism is a religion and not a nationality. Richard asked if people can be Jewish and not practice religion. He didn't seem to be able to grasp the concept though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's kind of upset about Howard getting upset about Artie giving people money up there. He said that not everyone there makes as much as they do and if someone hands you $100 they should be allowed to take it.
Gary said that if that's what makes Artie happy then he should be allowed to do it. Benjy said that Artie even said he felt guilty about making so much and that's his way of relieving his guilt a little bit. Gary said that it's kind of showy when you do that though.
The guys spent a little time talking about the money thing and how Jackie the Joke Man used to have the poor man's mentality because he had money but he'd take home free water all the time like he didn't have any money. The caller was also talking about how it seems like Artie wants to save people with his money while Howard is spending his on pets and stuff.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he loves when JD is on the air and he seems to be speaking better these days. He corrected Richard on the names of the girls in the Dixie Chicks because he got them wrong. Richard said he didn't know that and he's sorry he got them wrong. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show talking about his headphones being a little too loud. He said he heard the Wrap Up Show from yesterday as he was coming in and heard them talking about his card game and getting blown in the limo. He said that was a pretty major story to hear from Artie and he must be getting immune from hearing them.
Artie said that not everyone is immune and he has to go to therapy today. He said that he's going to have to go more times a week than he's going now. Artie said there are three times in the foreword of his book where Howard writes about his problems. He seemed to think that was kind of funny.
Howard said that he was telling Beth about what Artie had to do to win that kind of money, $41,000, at the poker game. He had to lose a lot of money before he finally made some money at a game. Artie said that he's still down overall in his gambling life.
Howard said that Artie is out playing games at all hours of the night to win that kind of money. He said that the wild part of Artie's weekend for him would be going out to Burger King and getting two double cheeseburgers. He said that would be the wildest thing that he would ever do on a weekend.
Artie said that Dana once told him when they were breaking up that he was in love with chaos when he'd say he's in love with her. Howard thought that was a good line from Dana.
In another clip Chuck was talking about this Hispanic woman he's dating. He was talking about the way the woman was riding him and like a cowboy and how he came all over her.
Howard said he loves Chuck's show and the way he can tell stories like that. He said that's the kind of stories guys tell to other guys all the time. He told some stories about guys telling stories at the gym and stuff and how other guys will talk about them behind their backs when they leave. Howard said that Chuck has lost all inhibitions and can tell stories like that on the air.
Artie said that he had a friend who was obsessed with blumpkins (getting blown while taking a shit) and he used to tell them about when he'd make that happen. He said the guy would tell them about going to White Castle to get burgers so he could shit and stuff. Howard said that is the least sexy thing that could happen, a blumpkin. He said that kind of thing should only happen by accident.
Artie said that when he wants to die he's just going to go up to Chuck and call him a fag so the guy beats him until he's dead.
Howard said he likes Chuck's sidekick who goes along with all of those stories and sprinkles a few words into the conversation.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he liked the Cheech and Chong interview yesterday. Howard said he's thinking about going to see them on Thursday night. Howard said he wants to go but Beth has a birthday party to go to and he's not invited. He said he thinks that he should have been invited but it's a girl's night out kind of thing.
Howard said that he wants to make Beth jealous of what he's going to be doing on Thursday night so he told her about the Cheech and Chong thing. He was trying to come up with something to make her jealous. He told Beth that Tommy Chong sent his regards and then told her that they're going to be at the Westbury Music Fair and he's thinking about going on Thursday.
Howard said Beth told him to go out and have a good time so now he's thinking about going out to Nobu without her. He said that she loves that place so he has to make her jealous by going out with a bunch of crazy guys like Ross and maybe chuck Zito. He said that he knows it's not a healthy way to act but he's not a healthy guy.
Howard asked Artie if he wanted to go with him to Nobu. Artie said that he might be going to the Playboy mansion for their Halloween party. Howard told him that he should go. He said that all of the girls are 10s and they're all looking for dudes. He told Artie he really should go. Artie was afraid he was going to be standing next to some good looking dudes out there. Howard told him he won't even see any other dudes.
Artie said that he wasn't able to get into a party out there one time because he wasn't wearing pajamas. Howard told him that he should get some kind of lame costume and just take it off when he gets there.
Fred said he has to be the wet blanket there and told Howard he can't be going to a party like that where he's going to want to drink. Howard said that Artie wants to meet girls and stuff so he should go. Robin told Howard that he's an enabler and he can't be pushing him into going to a place like that. She said that Artie is going to be nervous walking up to the girls and he's going to need liquid encouragement.
Fred said that Artie shouldn't even be gambling but definitely not going to the Playboy mansion. Howard said he'd be drinking if he couldn't go to the Playboy mansion.
Fred said that he doesn't want people like Norm calling in and saying that they didn't do anything to help Artie out with his sobriety.
Howard said that it's going to be his treat at Nobu. He said they should bring out a couple of other guys with them. The caller said that it should be him. Howard said that he doesn't work there. Gary came in and said that JD should be the guy who they should bring out. Artie said he likes JD but there are some other guys as well. Howard said that he should take Will and Jason out sometime too.
Fred suggested Sal. He knew that it might not be the best person to bring. Howard said he loves Sal but he is a douche bag. The caller said that's pretty passive aggressive. Howard hung up on him and said he was annoying him.
Will came in and said that he thought it was funny that Artie is willing to go out to the Playboy mansion to test his sobriety and not to his wedding. Howard told Will that his wedding and the Playboy mansion are two totally different things. He said that the playboy mansion is like dying and going to heaven.
Howard said that he was thinking about going to Jason's wedding and how awful the trip out there is going to be. He said that it's going to be like an hour and a half drive each way. He said that Beth can sleep in the car but he can't.
Artie said that he once had an hour and a half long conversation with Jason's mother at the Stress Factory. Howard said that must be why they call it the Stress Factory.
Howard asked Artie to pick some real fun guys there that they can bring to Nobu. Artie threw out Scott DePace, Doug Goodstein, Brian Phelan and others. Howard said he doesn't like the way Doug stares at him with those bug eyes of his.
Howard asked if Benjy was a fun guy. Artie said he could come later for drinks or something. Howard said he thought of Fred but he never shows up to anything. He said he's always busy with his daughter, which is fine. Howard said he loves Fred and asked him if he would go to dinner. Fred said he'd go. Howard apologized to Artie for inviting Fred. Artie said he was fine with that.
Howard asked what the worst night would be and who would be there. Artie said that's a great question. They threw out Scott the Engineer's name.
Fred said that Scott DePace would be fun. Howard said that he doesn't see Beth getting jealous of this night. Artie agreed on that. DePace can't go because it's a World Series night. Howard said he should invite Ross since he's a fun guy. Artie said that Richie Notar might be there at Nobu too.
Howard said that maybe they could have Teddy at the dinner but then he said he doesn't really know the guy and he's already annoying him. Howard said that they could have Jason and JD there too. Howard said that he likes Richard and Sal but they come as a team. Howard said that he'd have to have them as a team. Then he broke down and said that Jason and JD were out and Sal and Richard were in. Gary said that Sal wasn't interested in going and told him to take him off the list. Gary said he said it in a really insulting way. Richard couldn't go because he's going to see Coheed and Cambria.
Artie threw out Gregg Carmel's name. Robin threw out some other names of Howard TV guys too. Howard said he's just going to stay home. Then he told Artie to throw out 5 names of guys who are fun.
Howard said it would be him, Artie, Fred, Tim Sabean, Ross and JD. Howard said that he can't have Scott the Engineer there. Howard said that he's leaving Ralph out of this one since he gets to go to everything. He said he knows that it pisses off the JDs and Sal, Richard and those guys to have Ralph there. He said he's a personal friend but he'd like to have some guys from work get together.
Artie said that Nobu is a great place for hot chicks too. He said that they're rolling in with an A-list celebrity too so that should work for them. Howard said he'd even have Lisa G come with them if they want a hot chick with them.
Gary said that he heard that Lisa G was so dull out in L.A. at Nobu that she ate an apple before dinner so she wouldn't eat there. Howard said that didn't sound so fun. Gary said that she was out there to cover Celebrity Superfan Roundtable. She went to bed at 8 o'clock out there so she could stay on New York time.
Howard said that Lisa could have gone out and hung out with big stars out there and she was in bed by 8. Lisa came in and said that was the worst advice she ever took from someone before. She said that she usually wakes up at 4:30 New York time so she was sticking to that time out there. Lisa said that she ate an apple to keep her appetite down out there.
Artie said that they should have Savanna out with them. Lisa threw out Tracy's name. Howard said that they're going to stick with him, Artie, Fred and maybe Benjy. Howard said that he wasn't sure he wanted to go if Benjy was going. Benjy said he wouldn't want to go if he was going to be uncomfortable. He said it sounded fun to him. Howard said that Benjy is an odd guy and he's not sure he wants him out. Benjy said he thinks that it all goes back to Doug's bachelor party. Howard said he thought he was odd well before that.
Howard said maybe he'll take Benjy next time. He said that Benjy gets to go to other stuff all the time. He said that maybe it'll be Artie, Fred, JD, Brian Phelan and maybe Ronnie. Howard wasn't sure about the Ronnie thing.
Fred threw out Jared if JD was going. Howard said he doesn't want to goof on JD by doing that. He said that he'd like to be able to really talk to Fred and Artie. Gary said that Phelan is out, he has to work that night. Artie said that maybe Goodstein should go. Howard said he likes Goodstein. Artie threw out Will and Jason and then Howard said this was a bad idea and he's not going to go out. He said that he'd get back to this later and figure it out.
Riley said he was told to take it or leave it so he's going to leave it. He doesn't want to be there if he's not going to pay him more. Howard thanked him for his time there and said he appreciates him being there for the time he was there.
Howard said he predicts that Riley will be back at the same price after his final three shows are done. Riley said that he will not be back and he spent more money on his bachelor party than he's been paid in the time he's been there. Riley said he wishes Howard well.
Howard told Riley that he never made this kind of money before and he'll be back. Riley said that they put the ''negras'' back a few years with this pay. Riley said that he used to make 7, 8, 20,000 a week when he was bare knuckle boxing. Howard said that he never made that kind of money anywhere.
Howard said that it's kind of cool to be blasted by Riley. It's almost like being blasted by a Don Rickles. Riley continued to go off on Howard about the way he's been treated there. He said that they treat the black people differently there and don't pay them what they deserve.
Gary asked Riley if he would be willing to come in and play a game where he has a bunch of briefcases and one of them has a lot of money, like and additional $5,000. The other cases would have a dollar in them. Riley isn't going to do that.
Howard said that Riley never made $400 an hour in his life and that's what he's getting paid to do the radio show. Howard said they should give the hour to Sour Shoes and pay him $400 for the hour. Riley said that would be better than playing his show where he talks about his sex life.
Howard said that Sour Shoes would really appreciate $400 a week to do a show like that and his parents would go nuts if he did.
Gary asked Riley what he did before he did this. Riley said that he lived. He told him to go to ArtistFirst.com and look him up. Gary said that's a site where people can publish their own books. Riley asked if his show is popular on their channel. Gary said it is. Riley asked if he has fulfilled his contract and come through on that. Gary said he did and they came through and paid him. Riley kept making it sound like they were going to call him the N-word when they were talking about him.
Riley was saying that there is room for him to do more time a week than he's doing now. Gary said that he doesn't get that 2 hours a week might be too much of him for the fans. Riley said that Howard can talk about playing with his dick 24 hours a day if he wants to. Howard said that Riley will be back in 3 weeks and he will take the $400 and run.
Howard said that maybe Riley can get a job on XM. Riley said that he won't for this kind of money. Howard asked Riley what he's getting paid on the other radio show he does on the web. Gary said he thinks that he might be like an evangelist where he asks people to send him money. Riley said that's not the case and was rambling on and on about something that Howard was talking over.
Robin said that she doesn't even care anymore. Howard thanked Riley for calling in and said goodbye to him. Riley was still talking as Howard hung up.
Howard said he loves Riley and tried to give him a job there. He said he was thrilled in the beginning but then he started to get a big head and thought that he should be making $5 million. He said that Tim came to him and told him he didn't have anymore money and all they could pay him was the $400 a week.
Howard said that Riley has some stuff on his web site where he claims that if you send him $50 he'll give people mentions on his web site show. He said you can imagine what he's getting paid to do that show.
Fred said that he'd like to know if the equipment that Riley is using for that show is his or SIRIUS' equipment. Howard said he's not sure about that.
A caller said that Riley is a good guy and he likes his show. Howard said he likes him too but they can't find any money to pay the guy. Fred said that someone suggested that they give Ham Hands Bill the job instead of Sour Shoes. Howard said that guy is funny.
The guys were talking about Ham Hands Bill and how maybe they could give him a half hour and Sour Shoes a half hour show. They did their impressions of Bill for a short time.
Another caller said that maybe they could find a tiny bit of money for Riley. Howard asked Tim to come in and tell them what they had going on. Tim said that Riley told him that he's done after this contact and they just don't have anymore money for him. They've already tried to make it as easy as possible for him to do his show at home. Tim suggested that Riley fire E-Ron and get another $200 a week. They talked about how they've tried to help Riley out but they just can't do anymore. Artie said that Riley has to go out and find another place to work and get an offer. He said that now that they've merged with XM, Riley is fucked. Then Artie laughed and said ''Suckers at the FCC... we're a monopoly! Ha haha hahahaha.''
Howard said that someone wrote in and said that he's been cursing too much on the air. He said that might be true and he's sorry about that.
Howard said he had the top 5 songs. He played some Katy Perry ''Hot and Cold,'' and Pink's hit song. Howard said he's glad that Pink finally had another hit song. He also likes that Staind's song is up in the top of the charts.
Howard played Rhianna, T.I. and Britney Spears as the other top 3 in the top 5. Howard said that Britney might be loony as a bedbug but she has the ability to make hit songs.
Howard read the e-mail he got about cursing too much. He said that the guy is probably right because he's unaware when he curses. He said that he came to satellite thinking he wouldn't curse that much but in his personal life he curses like crazy and it's the sign of an idiot. He said he knows that it doesn't sound intelligent.
Howard said he hopes he's not turning into one of those sloppy guys on radio who doesn't know what he's saying. Robin said that she doesn't curse that much in her personal life at all. Howard said he has a lot of anger in him and he lets it out by cursing. Howard said he can't seem to shake the cursing no mater what he does.
Lisa came in and talked about how good the food was at Nobu out in L.A. She said she did try a few things and it was very good. She said that Mike Gange ate about $1,000 worth of free food out there.
Lisa said that she was out in Los Angeles for the Celebrity Superfan Roundtable show and asked Jillian about her performance of her song with Natalie Maines and she said it was like being raped anally without lube. Lisa said that Natalie is ready to fill Robin's seat or even Artie's seat if he ever leaves.
Lisa said that Jillian's co-host told her that Howard is like God to Jillian. Howard said that Jillian was defending him about the L.A. Times article on her TV show. He said that he'd play some of that later on.
Lisa said that Sal the Stockbroker was rushed to a hospital over the weekend when his uvula got inflamed to the size of a thumb. He had to get a steroid injection to stop the inflammation. Robin said she never heard what the cause was. Lisa said he had bronchitis and he's still got his tonsils as well.
Gary came in and said that Sal almost missed his flight because he sent an intern out to get him some girl hair spray at some place he didn't want to be seen at and he the intern showed up late.
Howard said that Imus is looking really odd at his age and it's getting harder to tell if he's a man or a woman. He said he was moving kind of slow and he was wondering if he should blow the guy off or say something to him. He said that it was very uncomfortable since he does say so much about him on the air.
Howard said he was walking down the street with Beth and wasn't sure what to do. He said Imus was by himself and he was wondering where the hell the guy was going dressed the way he was. He said he was dressed like he was ready to lasso cattle and there's no cattle in New York City.
Howard said that he thinks that Imus was going to make the move where he just pretended not to see him. Howard said hi to him and they shook hands. Howard said Imus kept walking and he kept walking. He said Imus just mumbled something and kept going.
Howard played a clip from Imus' show where he mentions Artie's book ''Too Fat To Fish'' on the air. In the clip Imus is mumbling something unintelligible and one of his guys is doing a Larry King impression that was just awful.
Howard ended up goofing on Rick Dees' wife who used to do awful impressions on his show. Imus then asks his guys if Artie Lange is funny. The guys said that he is and Imus said that his book title is actually pretty good. Imus thought that ''Too Fat To Fish'' was a good title for a book.
Artie said that it was a weird mention. He said he thought that Imus had been bad mouthing him on the show but now he's being nice about it. Howard said that maybe he got the shout out because he said hi to him on the street.
Howard played more of the Levy clips and Bob was having trouble with a lot of the big words in the book. The engineer had to help him out reading some of the stuff and gave him some direction on how to read it. Howard said he felt bad for the engineer.
Bob was having trouble with the word ''premeditated'' and stuff like that. Artie said they gave him the two shortest chapters to read out of the book.
Howard said that Bob sent over a wedding gift that was very generous. He said that he got a check in the mail for like $500 and he wasn't sure what to do because Bob doesn't have any money. Howard said he felt bad for him and Beth asked if she shouldn't cash it. Howard said that Bob would be insulted if he didn't cash it. He got on the air and said that he was worried about Bob. Bob has been going on the air and saying that he's not poor and he's pissed about what he said. Howard said he's just going by the stories he's hearing from people and that's why he's worried.
Howard said that Beth is in charge of sending out thank-you notes and she got right on that one and sent Bob a note. He said that Bob got his note and it said ''Dear Don'' so Bob was steaming about that. Howard said that she may have sent it to the wrong person or something. Gary said that there was a note from Bob and his wife and the envelope was only addressed to Bob and not his wife. Howard said he's not sure what happened there but he thinks that the check just had his name on it.
Howard apologized for that. Sal said that Bob was all pissed off about the ''Don'' mistake and he was going off on him about that.
Sal said that Yucko is suicidal lately too. He said that he just sits in the back with his head in his hands during the show. Sal said that he has no desire to get a chick though. Howard said that he has to go out and get someone.
Artie said that Yucko is a good guy and he kind of got barrelled over by that broad. Howard said that Yucko shouldn't have pushed her into the marriage though. She obviously didn't want to get married. Artie said she was bad news.
Howard said that they have this woman coming in who slept with Verne Troyer in this sex tape that's out there. She's not selling anything though, she's just coming in to talk about the tape. He said that they'll ask her everything about that when she comes in after the break.
Artie said that he had an idea for a movie a few years back and he wanted to have a whole sex scene where he was going to have sex with a midget. He said that he pitched the movie but no one was interested in this thing. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Ranae said she met Verne at the Playboy mansion when she was there. She's not in Playboy herself but just went because she wanted to experience that whole thing. She said that she sent in her picture and wrote them a note about it being her dream come true to be there. Ranae said that they had her there and said they were glad they could make her dreams come true.
Ranae said she was a server at a Cheesecake Factory and she was still working there when she was going out with Verne. She said that they actually lived together for a while. Howard asked how she met Verne at the party. Ranae said he was just sitting on a table there. She said that she wasn't attracted to him or anything and didn't even go over to meet him.
Ranae said she was at the party by herself. She said that there weren't a lot of A-list celebrities there. She said that Ian Ziering was there and he was kind of a prick. She said she told him what a fan of 90210 she was and he said that he's an actor and he did more than just that.
Howard asked Ranae what she was wearing. She said it was a lingerie thing that was hot pink and looked like it came out of the 80s. She said that it was a ''lingerie or less'' party. Ranae said she just wanted to go to the party and eat something really good. She wasn't making a lot of money working at The Cheesecake Factory. She said that she hated the place and would tell people off all the time. If people didn't like the food she would just disappear.
Ranae said she was at the party texting someone and the other girl she went there with wanted to talk to Verne. She said that Verne ended up hitting on her and asked her for her phone number before he even asked what he name was. She thought that she would give it to him as a joke but Verne called her the next day and told her it was his birthday. She said she told him she didn't have any money for a gift. Artie said he thinks the gift he was looking for wouldn't cost her any money.
Ranae said Verne went to London for like 3 weeks after that and when he came back she agreed to go out with him. She just went over to his place and had pizza with him. She said that he doesn't like going out in public. Artie said that's because there are manhole covers everywhere.
Ranae said that she went over to his house and he asked her for a hug. She said she didn't know what to do because she didn't want to be rude. She said that she sat down on her butt and gave him a hug. She said that it was true love after that. She was just messing with Howard about that. Howard said she had him fooled.
Howard asked Ranae about going in to eat with Verne and if he put any moves on her. She said that he didn't do anything that night. She said that they were playing Guitar Hero or something that night and she kicked his ass. She said that Verne has pretty eyes when Howard asked if she found him attractive.
Howard said that's what you don't want to hear, that you have pretty eyes. Ranae said that looks aren't that important to her. She said that she was hoping to go out to breakfast with Artie this morning. Artie said she's just kidding about that.
Howard asked Ranae if she was attracted to Verne. She said there was something there but she's not sure what it was. She said that they really hate each other right now so it's hard to tell what it was that they did have.
Ranae said she wanted to get to know Verne outside of what the media portrayed him as. She said she later found out that he is what the media portrays him as and that nice, sweet guy is just an act.
Ranae said that she and Verne eventually got their own house after they were hanging out every day for a while. She said that they were sleeping together at the time they moved in together. She said that it had been about a month or so after they started hanging out that they moved in together. Ranae said it was very weird.
Ranae said that she thinks that she was falling in love with him. She said that she couldn't even tell when he was inside of her though. She said that's how small it was and you can see the tape on the web. She said that she doesn't get any money from it and it's not even up legally. She said that it's up on a site called SexWithMiniMe.com.
Howard said he saw the tape and Verne was on top of her chest in the scene he saw. Ranae said he only came up to her belly button when he would be inside of her. She said that if she blinks he would come out of her. She said she had to lay perfectly still for him to stay inside. She said that she didn't give him any blow jobs either.
Ranae said she just wasn't into giving the blow job. Howard didn't get what she meant by that. She said that it's not her favorite thing to do. She said she would give him a hand job though. She said that it would fit about halfway into her hand. She said that he would go down on her too and that would keep her satisfied. Fred threw in some of Verne's laugh and she recognized the short clip immediately.
Howard had Fred play the clips of Verne making odd noises on The Surreal Life when he was on that show. Howard asked her if that's what it sounded like when he came. She said that it wasn't quite like that and did an impression of Verne finishing.
Howard asked Ranae if Verne ever stuck his tongue up her ass. She said he never did and that's gross. Fred played some fart sounds as they were talking about that.
Ranae said she liked Verne for his personality and sex isn't even that important to her. She claims that they only had sex 7 times in the couple of months they were together. Ranae said that she was talking to Verne about that the other day and they were never in the mood at the same time. She said that she would fall asleep and miss out on having sex with him.
Howard said that Ranae found out that Verne was cheating on her when she heard him on Howard's show. Ranae said she thought they were fine but she heard him on the show talking about some pictures that were taken with some other chick. Ranae said that Verne claimed that someone rubbed him down but he didn't act on it. She said that he was acting like he was single on the show and claimed that he got laid a couple of weeks ago. Then he told her that he just told Howard that because that's what he wants to hear. Howard said he would have loved to have heard that he had a girlfriend at the time.
Howard asked about the sex tape and how that came up. She said that Verne had cheated on her in Vegas again and she believed what he would tell her. She said that he took her to a hotel to make up for what happened and she brought her video camera just to be stupid. She said the tape ended up just laying around in the house and she can't say how the tape got out because they're in a lawsuit right now.
Howard asked if her family got to meet Verne. She said that they did and her mother was fine with it. She said that Verne would order her around and stuff in front of her mother and she thought it was funny. She said that Verne is suing her over some stuff and he's claiming that she sold the tape and that she assaulted him.
Ranae said that if she had done something to him the cops probably would have been called and that didn't happen.
Howard gave Ranae a plug for this web site PornStarDiscovery.com. She said that you can become a porn star on the site and do stuff with other people by putting your face into some videos and stuff to make it look like you're in the scenes.
Howard asked Ranae why she came in today. She said that she heard that Howard wanted to meet her so she came in. She said she's really not bitter about the whole thing. She said that in the video tape they show Verne giving her oral for about 15 minutes. She said that it looks like she's giving birth to a baby when they see the tape.
Ranae said that Verne liked the tape but she didn't like watching it. She said that they have sex in the tape too. She said that she also gives him a hand job in the tape.
Ranae said that she and Verne are trying to be civil even thought they have a lawsuit between them. She said that she thinks that he's just trying to get his 15 minutes of fame. Artie said that it seems more like she's trying to get her 15 minutes.
Ranae is dating a normal sized guy now and she said that he doesn't care about the tape. Howard asked her about the time she almost killed Verne. She said she didn't do it on purpose. She said that they took a bath together and she put like 4 bottles of shampoo in the tub and there were way too many and when he got in the bubbles were up to his nose. She said that he didn't almost die, she just wasted 20 minutes getting the bath ready for nothing. Howard asked her if she accidentally almost vacuumed him up. She said that he was making shit up now.
Howard took some calls for Ranae. Irish John asked if Verne ever bad mouthed Mike Myers or anyone else. She said that he did bad mouth Mike because he didn't get paid enough. Howard said that Verne told him that he owed everything to Mike Myers. Ranae said that he told that to her mother too and he really is bitter. She also said that he wasn't friends with Heath Ledger like he claims. Ranae said that Verne wasn't even invited to Heath's memorial service. She said that if he was close to him then he would have been invited.
Ranae said she didn't want to be mean to Verne but she thinks that he got the tattoo for Heath just for publicity. She said that he wasn't as close to him as he claims he was.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if Ranae was hot. Howard said he thinks she is. The caller also thinks that Ranae played Verne and he feels bad for him. Ranae told the caller that he's probably ugly. The caller said that he doesn't believe that Verne would bad mouth Mike Myers after everything he's done for him.
Howard took a call from Dominic Barbara who said that Ranae is just a pig and an animal for repeating all of this stuff. He said that he rarely says stuff to people like that but he thinks that Verne is a very gentle, nice man. Ranae told him to try living with him and then come back to her. Dominic said that she lived there by choice, no one forced her to. She said that she didn't know what he was going to be like until she moved in. Things just got worse and she stayed a lot longer than she should have.
Dominic wanted to know why she was trying to hurt this guy because he's a nice man. She said that you don't know until you live in her shoes. Dominic said that he wouldn't want to be her for an hour. He said that there's no reason to just say stuff to hurt a guy like that. He asked her why she's trying to hurt this guy by saying stuff about Heath Ledger. She said that he's just putting that stuff on to get the press.
Howard said that there's a lot of viscousness there and something must have happened. She said that there is something but it's going to be in a counter suit against him. Dominic said that she doesn't deserve a penny from Verne. Howard said that she probably won't get anything from him anyway.
Dominic asked what the lawsuit is based on. Howard said that he claims that she hit him. Ranae said that she never touched him that way. Dominic was asking her a lot of questions trying to get her to crack and Howard said that this is what they're going to do to her at court.
Ralph called in and said that he doesn't get why Dominic is defending this guy because he doesn't know that he's a gentle soul. Dominic said that he has hung out with Verne and he's not a bad guy. Dominic said that she has nothing and he's just trying to shut her up with her lies about this man.
Howard told Dominic that he doesn't know all of the details about this case either. Dominic said that he would put up $10,000 for her to take a lie detector test to prove that she's not behind this sex tape and that she's not getting paid to do the tape. She said that she's not getting paid for that tape. Ranae said that she would do it if her lawyer says it's okay.
Dominic got off the phone and everyone goofed on him as he said his gurgling goodbye. Ranae was saying that she treated Verne very well when they were together and she was in love with him at the time. She aide that he has don't things to her that she can't talk about and they don't know what that's like. She said that she has to laugh about this stuff because, if she doesn't, she'll cry. Howard said that she claims that Verne used to beat her dogs. She said that's the kind of stuff that people just don't know about.
Renae said that Verne would push the dog and throw her when she would jump up on people. The dog would hide under her couch whenever he was around because of that.
Howard wrapped up with Ranae and told her that JD would probably go out with her. She said that Will was cute. Robin told her that Will is married.
Ralph asked if she's hot. Howard said that she is. Artie said she looks like Frank Serpico. He said that was a compliment though. Artie said that he's an honored cop and he was cute, just like Ranae. Howard wrapped up with Ranae, gave her some plugs and went to break.
Howard then played some Wack Pack Advice clip he had where Wendy the Retard gives some advice on how to make some money while the economy is doing so poorly. Jeff the Drunk also had some advice to get out f the stock market. Big Foot said he had some ideas to help people as well.
Howard played a prank call that Richard made to a guy telling him that he had borrowed a porn movie from someone in his family. The guy said it wasn't possible because this person was Christian. Richard then gives him the name of the movie and the names of the porn stars in the movie. He then has him repeat the names. He kept having the guy repeating the names over and over again. The guy kept doing it. Artie was laughing his ass off and said he wants to fly that guy in to do the show.
Howard asked Artie who Lou Holtz is. Artie said he's a guy who used to coach football for Notre Dame. Howard said he feels bad for the guy because he mentioned Hitler in a sentence and he doesn't think he was saying anything anti-Semitic. He said that the guy said that he was a good leader, just a bad dude. Howard said now they're calling for the guy to be fired. He had to get on and apologize for what he was saying. All the guy was saying is that Hitler was a good leader who went bad.
Howard said that other guys have been suspended for saying similar things. Howard said he really doesn't think the guy was saying anything wrong. The guy clarified what he was saying but the Hitler name is just not a good thing to bring up.
Sal said there's some hair spray that he likes. Howard said he knows, it's from Bumble and Bumble. Sal said that he knows that Howard liked certain hair products. Howard said he wouldn't miss an appearance over it though.
Sal said that he has a long forehead and he likes to use this certain stuff because it's not shiny. He said that his head would be a distraction if it was shiny.
Fred asked if it was hair spray or make up. Sal said it's hair spray to keep his hair up. He said he's losing his hair and he's trying to keep it looking good. Howard said it's not worth missing a flight over.
Sal said that he wouldn't have missed his plane but he put himself in a risky situation by leaving 10 minutes late because of the hair spray. He said he was just trying to look a little decent.
Howard said he wanted to thank the people at the hospital for helping him out too. He said that his uvula was so big it was resting on his tongue. He said that he had bronchitis a couple of weeks ago and the coughing may have made it happen. He said that it's called uvulitis.
Gary came in and said that Sal was in the hospital and just had that shot in his uvula and all he was worried about was getting wrinkle cream. Sal said that he didn't have an iron to iron his shirt so he asked this guy Brad Thacker up to help him out and get him Downey Wrinkle Release so his shirt wouldn't be wrinkled.
Gary asked Sal how much his hair spray is. It's about 36 bucks. Gary said that Sal is always crying poverty but he spends 36 bucks on hair spray. Sal said it has a thickening agent in it that helps him look okay with his thinning hair. Howard told him he's insane.
Howard said he heard that Sal has a bag he brings with him that's full of make up. Sal said that it's a normal Christian Dior bag that he brings and it's not that big.
Gary said that Sal is creepy the way he knows that Howard uses hair products and stuff. Howard said it's weird that he knows what kind of bag he carries too. Howard said he doesn't know what brand his bag is. Sal said that you remember little things like that when he sits there staring at his bad crying his eyes out every weekend.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that he had the Lou Holtz story wrong and corrected him on something he said about another person who was suspended. She thought it was wrong that Lou was getting into so much trouble over this.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he would love to hear a whole show full of Baba Booey song parodies. Howard said he could do that but people might get sick of them if they played them for hours on end.
Another caller talked about how funny Sal was when he came in wearing the Gary lips when they were going to do the labia segment. Howard said that was a very funny segment and he wants to take Sal out to dinner because of that.
Howard had Sal come in and asked him if he wanted to go to dinner. Sal said he would like to go but he felt like he was in the Twilight Zone or something. He said that he might not trust himself to go out to dinner now. Howard said it would be Artie, Sal, Fred and maybe JD or Benjy. Howard said that JD might be the right one to go. Sal said he has fun with JD every time he goes out with him.
Howard said that Benjy and Sal can go and Tim Sabean can sit this one out. Benjy said that he's not sure he can go if Howard is there so maybe he should sit out. Howard said that he's paying so he has to go. Benjy asked Howard if he's going to be normal. Howard said he's the one throwing the dinner and Benjy never does that so he should just deal with it.
Richard came in and talked about how Benjy was eating at Howard's wedding. He said that he was eating asparagus and it would all go in with one bite.
Howard said that they're going to do dinner at Nobu on Thursday night and it will be Artie, Benjy, Sal, Fred and JD. Howard asked if that was a good night. Artie said it sounds like a great night to him. The caller on the line was laughing his ass off for some reason.
Howard asked if they should go out to see Cheech and Chong too. Howard said that he thinks that they should just go to dinner in the city. He said they're going to go early, like around 4 o'clock.
Artie said that he loves Cheech and Chong but he could see 2 70 year olds doing pot humor at the Port Authority.
Artie was kind of upset that there weren't any broads coming to dinner. Howard didn't seem to have a problem with that but he asked Robin if she wanted to come. She said that she would love to but it's a boy's night out so she won't be there.
Benjy asked Robin to go out with him instead to Pure Food. Robin said that he's supposed to go out with the guys. Robin said she'd rather go out to Blossom with him if they go out to eat.
Sal said that he's ready to go. Artie asked about Jason but Gary told them that Jason has to do Superfan Roundtable that night.
Howard counted the number of guys and said he had 7 guys total. Howard said that he's heard that Sal has been going out to get dances almost every day. Sal said that he goes to the great Rick's Cabaret but he just has lunch there.
Ralph called in and said he wanted to check the date on this night out. Howard told him he's not invited and he's not inviting him since he gets to go to everything. Ralph said that Don Rickles is going to be in town soon too so they should go see him. Howard said he's already set up for that.
Sal asked Howard ''That's the guy you hang out with?'' Howard told Sal to just be himself when they go out. Artie said he can't wait to sleep through dinner on Thursday night. He said that he's going to go to his weekly poker game after dinner. Howard told him he has to tell his therapist about that.
Howard said that there were some people who said that Artie was getting kind of pathetic with Miss Howard TV yesterday. She apparently wanted nothing to do with him. Howard read through a few of those e-mails.
Howard read some mail about Eric the Midget and how his family was thinking of kicking him out of his apartment. The writer thought that Eric's family was just as mean as Eric is.
Howard read an e-mail about his cursing too much lately. He said he's going to try to cut back a bit. He said that he doesn't even know he's doing it but even Artie said that he's been cursing a lot off the air. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said he had some clips of Ralph slamming Jimmy Kimmel again on yesterday's Wrap Up Show. He played the clip where Ralph called in and told the guys that he's thinking of starting a web site based on the stuff that Jimmy has ripped off from Howard's show over the years. Howard said that he's not sure if Jimmy has a response on that. He said he may not want to open up that can of worms.
Howard played some clips of Gary, Jon and Benjy talking about the Chevy Chase toast at his wedding. Howard said he doesn't remember the whole toast and he kind of wishes he had taped it. He said it sounded kind of funny to him.
Howard had some other Wrap Up Show clips to play like some about the $100 bills that Artie was handing out yesterday. He said he felt bad that people were actually taking the money.
Howard said that the Weekend at the Christy's show is coming up on November 6th. He said Doug gave him a picture of a carcass they found in one of the barns and it turns out it was their missing family dog. Howard said it was clearly a dog in the picture. He said that's a creepy place Richard grew up at.
Richard thought it was a raccoon but everyone else thought it was the dog. Howard said that the dog probably got locked in the barn and died. Richard said he hopes it was a raccoon but the guys told him they didn't need to do it because it was obviously a dog.
Fred said he looked up some shots on the web and it could be a raccoon. Doug said it was big enough to scare the shit out of people. Doug said that the chicken shed is only 15 feet from the house so it must have stunk enough that they could smell it for weeks.
Richard said that one time a skunk got killed under the house and he stayed in the house to watch TV and got sick from the smell. He said that it makes your eyes water and he got sick from it.
Steve said that on Wednesday, October 29th, Joey Boots and High Pitch Eric are going to be doing a Craptacular. They will be seeing who can shit the most. Gary said they're going to start the Craptacular during the show and end it the next day on the show. They'll be checking in throughout the day.
Artie and Howard bet on who is going to shit more. Howard picked Joey Boots. Artie took High Pitch. They bet $200 but Artie was looking to bet more. He was thinking 5 grand at first. Robin said that Eric was very disappointing last time and she has to go with Joey Boots.
High Pitch called in and said that he shit 1 pound 3 ounces last time. He wasn't competing last time, he just did it on his own. Eric said that he went to Subway and he'll be eating like 3 foot long heroes. Howard said he's going with Joey Boots on this one.
Artie said he's going to make an investment and buy Eric his subs from Subway. Eric said that they're chicken subs with pepperoni and cheese on it. Artie said that sounds disgusting. Eric said he had a box of Krispy Kreme donuts and some coffee and he was shitting his brains out. He said there was shit stuck to the toilet after that.
Richard said they did a Halloween special with Eric where he plays ''Alfred Inchcock'' and his penis was so small that they had to tape a fake one on him so his shadow would look funny. They gave him a few inches that he didn't have. Artie said they ruined the bit by giving him a cock. It would be funnier if he didn't have anything there.
Howard let Eric go but before he left he said that if Eric the Midget needs a place to live he can stay with him. Howard said he wouldn't wish that on anyone.
Steve got back to his report and said that 16 years ago today Howard announced his E! Interview show that he did before the regular E! show.
Howard had Jon Hein give his Wrap Up Show preview after that. Jon ran down his list of subjects that they're going to cover today. They spent a little time talking about how rough Dominic Barbara was with Ranae today. They also talked about Howard's dinner on Thursday night and Howard said he heard that Scott the Engineer was upset about not being invited to dinner. Scott came in and said that he didn't say a word to anybody. Ronnie was the source on that. Scott said he didn't say anything.
Ronnie came in and said that he heard Scott say something to his intern about 10 minutes ago about not being invited to anything. Scott said that he said he's used to not being invited to stuff like that.
Howard asked Scott about the wedding and why he was upset about where he was sitting. Scott said he couldn't hear anyone's speeches from where they were sitting. Howard told him to get out of his seat and move then. Scott said that's what they did. He said he had a great time there.
Gary said that they were sending in Scott's intern, Jack, to tell them what he's actually saying. The intern came in and said he asked Scott if he was bothered by not being invited to dinner and Scott said that he's on their ''do not invite list'' so he's used to it.
Jack said that Scott is a complainer but he didn't hear him complain about the wedding. He said that he was upset about being on the do not invite list. Howard said this guy Jack has a great radio voice. They had him saying a few things as an announcer and he did sound like he might have a future doing that.
Joey Boots called in and said that he's got this Craptacular planned out and he's going to out shit Eric. He's going to put the old record to shame. He said that he can tell by looking at his shit that he has some poundage to it.
Sal came in and said that there are some other things to bet on that he had put together. He has ''who will shit first'' and ''whose log will be the longest'' among other things.
The guys talked about the way they were going to be weighing the shit and things like that. They didn't want to weigh the piss so they had to let the guys pee before shitting and things like that.
Shuli came in and said that Eric got stuck in his toilet chair the last time they did the Craptacular. Joey said that they're setting up the stuff in his place already for the show that they're doing next week.
Howard told Joey to eat a lot of bran stuff so he can shit a lot. Joey said that he's got things planned that he doesn't want Eric to know about. Joey said that they need a budget for the food they're going to be eating. He said he's going to an all you can eat Chinese buffet the night before.
Howard asked Joey how the gay thing is going. He was already off the phone though. The guys aren't allowed to use laxatives in the event. He said they'll be checking for that stuff.
Jon Hein finished up his Wrap Up Show preview after that.
Howard asked Robin what was in the news but Fred played a new song parody that Richard made about her to the tune of the Addams Family theme song.
Robin started off with a story about a giant sandwich that was supposed to go into the Guinness book of world records in Iran but people ran in and ate it before they could get an official measurement. She also had a story about some ''spy pigeons'' that were caught recently.
Howard and the guys were goofing on High Pitch Eric talking about his upcoming Craptacular. Howard took a call from a guy who asked ''What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and vagina... only some of the things that some out of her vagina are retarded.'' Howard kind of liked the joke so he gave the guy a $500 prize that he had to give away.
Robin read a story about the role of James Bond in Dr. No being turned down by Carey Grant. Sean Connery got the deal instead. She said that Neo in The Matrix was turned down by Wil Smith. He turned it down to do the action flick ''Wild, Wild West.'' She read through some other roles that have been turned down by people like Michael Madsen for Pulp Fiction.
Howard said that he knows who invented the webbing that they use on a wig or toupee and it was a guy who worked on The Munsters.
Robin said that the role of Gandolf was turned down by Sean Connery. She read through a few others like Steve McQueen who turned down a bunch of roles that turned out to be great movies.
Robin read a story about a lack of Vitamin D giving people problems with fertility. Using a cell phone too much may cause permanent damage. The cell phones may damage and irradiate sperm.
Robin read a story about a guy who used a car wash vacuum cleaner to suck him off. The cops caught the guy in the middle of it.
Robin read some news about new evidence of UFOs. She said that there was one over England back in the 50s. The guy claimed that he was told to attack a bogey hovering over England and it was the size of an aircraft carrier. The guy was told not to tell anyone what had happened back then. Howard said that brings him no closer to believing that it happened or that anything like that exists.
Robin read some news about people texting during dangerous situations like driving, skiing and during sexual situations. Robin also had a story about erectile dysfunction being related to heart attacks.
Robin had some news about Nick Hogan (Bollea) getting sentenced in his court case. He was released from jail last night. That led to the guys talking about ''Hogan's Heroes'' for a short time. They were talking about some of the characters whose names Howard was having trouble remembering. Fred had the info and gave it to them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw Beth on Rachel Ray and she said that they actually got married back in August. Howard said that they had two days that they celebrated so they have two anniversaries. He said he had a great time at this latest wedding.
Robin read through some news about Barack Obama having to rush home to see his grandmother before she passes away. She's not doing too well right now. That led to Robin reading some other news about Obama and McCain and how Obama is leading in the polls. She had some audio clips of Barack talking about a few things he plans on making happen once he gets into office. They also talked about Colin Powell switching to back Obama. Howard said he found that to be kind of strange that he was such a conservative and now he's backing a liberal democrat.
Robin had some news about the cost of gasoline and how the prices are so high because of the cost of having our military guarding it in other countries.
Robin read a story about middle aged women's suicide rates going up since 2000. She had a story about Madonna and Guy Ritchie's break up and how Madonna is probably going to live in New York.
Howard said that Artie was brushing his hair and he was watching him do that. Artie said he does it to taunt Benjy.
Robin read a story about David Duchovny claiming that he didn't have an affair with a tennis player. She had a story about Katie Holmes making an appearance on the show ''Eli Stone.''
Robin had some movie news with a story about the new James Bond movie ''Quantum of Solace.'' She also talked about the new A380 Airbus airplane. She said that it's the largest airplane ever. John Travolta was there to check it out and said that it's the nicest plane ever created. She had some audio of him talking about the plane and then announce he was the captain and host. Howard said that he wouldn't want jokes like that if he was about to fly.
Robin had some audio of Edward Norton talking about the release of the new Incredible Hulk movie. She said that Rudy Ray Moore died on Sunday. She said that he made a bunch of comedy records back in the 70s. The guy was 81 years old. Robin played some audio clips from his old comedy albums. They ended the show around 10:45am.
Jon said that one of the people who didn't get any consideration was Gary. Gary said that he was fine with that because he does get to go out to a lot of stuff but Artie does too so he's not sure what's going on there.
Benjy said that he really does care about going but he knows that it's all a popularity contest. He said that he's not attracted to going out with dinner with Howard anymore than he does about going out with someone else there.
Jon pointed out that Sal got invited to the dinner too so he asked him about that. Sal said that it is kind of crazy because he thought he was never going to be invited out with Howard again. Gary said he heard that Sal went out with some of the guys and put something on his forehead and started doing an impression of their Indian waiter. Sal said that he did something like that but he said he won't do that around Howard. Sal said that he was just having fun and did something as a joke.
Sal said that when they're out having fun they do stuff like that and they have fun when he's doing it but then they turn him in and make it sound like it's the worst thing in the world. Sal said his uncle does stuff like this all the time and he doesn't get his balls broken over it. He said that his uncle goes too far sometimes but he gets a free pass on it.
Sal said he's going to act like a civil human being at dinner and he won't do anything to embarrass himself. Gary said that's not Sal then. He said that he's not being himself if he doesn't do the stuff he wants to. Sal said he'll go with the flow of the table and he'll go by what the guys are doing
Sal said he's not going to screw this up so he'll let Howard decide how the night should go. He said that he's going to behave himself and just eat, laugh, go out and get some dances and that's the night.
Jon asked Sal why he's talking about getting some dances if he's going to let Howard run the night. Sal said that you never know what might come up if they have a few drinks in them.
JD said that he can be kind of fun but he's not as fun as guys like Brian Phelan or Tim Sabean. Benjy asked him what Tim does that's so fun. JD said that he talks and stuff but he notices that he's just not that fun. He said he doesn't talk all that much.
Gary said that JD wasn't that bad out at dinner and he wasn't uncomfortably quiet. Sal said that if it was with Dan the Song Parody man then JD was probably sleeping. He said that it's like talking over a wood chipper when Dan is there talking. Gary said that Dan was floating some premises out there for some jokes he was working on that night.
Sal said that Dan used to do this thing where they would throw out movie titles and Dan would come up with new names. Like E.T. was ''Extra Testicle'' and ''Kujo'' would be ''Spoogo.''
Gary had to step out around that time. It turns out they were starting their weekly meeting. Jon and JD were left to fend for themselves.
JD and Jon talked about some of the stuff that was going on while Howard was planning this dinner. Scott the Engineer wasn't that thrilled with what was going on. That led to Jon asking Teddy to play a clip. Teddy had some issues with the clip and wasn't able to play it. Jon wasn't too happy that they didn't get windows Media Player working for him.
JD was talking about how Scott the Engineer seems to be miserable all the time and he's always filled with anger and madness.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it's kind of sad how they treat Scott there after being there for so many years. He said that Scott has been a major part of the show and it has to hurt him pretty bad that they're treating him like that.
The caller was talking about the scene in Private Parts where Howard talks about not being able to hold back anymore and he thinks that scene was a life changing moment for Sal and that's where he got the idea not to hold back.
Jon said that Sal might screw up and not even get to the dinner. The caller said he wanted to tell Sal to get out of the studio before he said something stupid.
Ronnie came in and said that Scott has asked him not to talk about the dinner thing. Ronnie said that he can't reveal why either. JD asked Ronnie why he came in if he's not going to talk about it. Ronnie said that Scott is upset and he's been saying that since the beginning.
Jon asked Ronnie how upset he is. Ronnie said he's upset because he was left out. They were talking but JD was googling Ronnie pictures and showing them to the guys. He was doing his own little show there.
Jon asked Ronnie if he thinks that Sal is going to be tempted to do something stupid at the dinner. Ronnie said he thinks that he would if he drank too much but he won't because he's so scared of screwing up. Ronnie said he thinks he'll just sit there like a mummy.
Ronnie said that Richie Wilson, Brian Phelan, Will and Jason are much more fun to hang out with. He said that Teddy is fun too. Jon asked him who isn't fun. Ronnie said that Richard is fun to a point but then he becomes an asshole telling people he loves them and then falls all over them. Ronnie said that Benjy isn't fun and Fred never comes to anything. He said that he thinks that Fred is going because this is a mellow crowd he'll be hanging with.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary, who wasn't there, if he's looking to get Sal fired with a hidden agenda or something. Jon had JD answer the question instead. JD didn't have much to add.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he thinks that they're at a point with Artie where his jokes are getting very repetitive. He said that it's the same thing over and over again and it's like you can tell what he's going to say before he says it now.
Jon said that Howard isn't saying that Artie is getting predictable, he's just getting used to hearing the crazy stories. The caller said he thinks that the jokes are really repetitive. He said he's not trying to bash the guy but it seems that his stories are losing the edge and that's a problem.
Jon said that the guys all write for each other in the studio and it's not like Benjy is serving them up for Artie all the time.
Jon took a call from a guy who told him to go fuck himself for being a Michigan fan. He also told JD that he's great to hear on the show. He also went off on Ronnie so Ronnie gave him a big ''fuck you!''
Jon took some more calls and one guy asked if they think that Sal was thrilled about getting invited to the dinner. The guys said that he was dancing around when he came out of the studio after that.
Jon asked about Sal's make up and what's going on with that. Ronnie said that Sal is doing something with his hair now and he's not sure if he's got a weave going or what. He said it looks like he's wearing a toupee whatever it is that he's doing.
The guys were talking about how Sal probably won't be sitting right next to Howard at the dinner. Ronnie figures he'll be at the opposite end of the table.
A caller asked the guys if they think that Robin would be the first to go if they had to cut someone out of the show. The guy said that he thinks that they'd miss Fred more than they'd miss Robin if he left. Jon said that they've had that discussion before and they feel that they're missing something when Robin isn't there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that JD is on a talk show so he needs to have an opinion or get off the show. JD said he'd leave then. He said that he doesn't care enough to have an opinion sometimes. He had one on this guy and said he thinks that this guy is a douche bag.
The caller was saying he thinks that JD does a great job doing what he does but when he gets on the radio he sounds like a stuttering idiot. The guy said that people are tired of hearing ''I don't know'' or ''whatever.''
Jon took another call from a guy who said he sent Ronnie a new skull t-shirt. Ronnie said he got that and loves it. He said he just got it this morning.
A caller asked if they think the dinner is really going to happen. Jon said he thinks that the dinner will happen but the people going will change. JD said he's not sure if he's going to end up going. He said he really doesn't know and he might be the first one to be eliminated. Jon said he was included every time they talked about it so he's going. JD wasn't sure about that. Ronnie said he thinks that they might add some people. Ronnie said that he's pretty sure that Scott won't be going.
A caller told JD to just put his opinions out there. JD said he does that sometimes but some stuff he just doesn't care about. The caller said that Ronnie is right about JD sometimes but Ronnie is just a glorified taxi driver and a hallway monitor. He wondered why Ronnie is even on the air. Ronnie said Jon invited him on the show. That's why he's on. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon brought up Ranae the Verne Troyer chick and asked the guys about what they thought about her talking about Verne's nice eyes. JD said that it's all in the context of the way she says it. Ronnie said JD wouldn't know anything about that. JD and Ronnie were going back and forth goofing on each other. Jon said he felt like he was babysitting them.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's proud of Ronnie and the way he can hang out with strippers at his age. JD said that Ronnie is like 85 years old. Jon tried to let the caller say some more but JD and Ronnie were talking over the guy.
The caller said that he didn't know what was up with Dominic today going off on Ranae. Jon said that he was pretty brutal with her but that's sort of what he does in his line of work. Jon said that Ranae said that she was just fighting back about what she learned about Verne on the show.
JD said that he didn't hear the whole interview so he's not sure what's going on. Ronnie said he thinks that Dominic was just trying to point out that everything turns into a lawsuit these days.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked if Artie talked about Pittsburgh Pete at all. Jon told her that they did talk about that yesterday. The caller said she loved seeing Teddy and JD at the show out there.
Another caller said he wanted to support JD and said that Howard knows what plays for the fans. He was wondering if they have any plans for JD coming up soon. JD said that they might be doing the thing where he's handcuffed to Jared but he's not sure he'll get very far with that.
The caller was saying that JD is like every guy's guy and Jared isn't like that. Ronnie said that JD is a humble guy but he annoys the shit out of him because he's such an instigator. He said that JD makes stuff up and lies about stuff. He said he just did that this morning. Chris from Howard TV was there and said that he didn't see Ronnie make a face.
Teddy said that Ronnie yells at the callers every time he comes in there and he did that today. Ronnie said he won't come in there anymore then.
another caller asked Ronnie if he's nervous about Eric the Midget coming in soon. Ronnie asked why he'd be scared. The caller said that he'll finally be taller than a guest there.
Another caller brought up Ranae and said that no one knows the truth about what happened between her and Verne. Ronnie said that if he was abusing her then she could have just kicked him like a football. He said there's no reason she couldn't defend herself if he was beating up on her.
A caller asked JD why his father doesn't call the show anymore. JD said that he might not be calling because he knows it makes him uncomfortable. JD said he didn't tell him not to call anymore but he knows it makes him feel weird.
The caller said that he's be ecstatic if his parents called the show that he was on. JD said he doesn't like it. He said he didn't tell him not to call in though. Jon said they welcome his calls any time.
Ronnie had to get going so the guys said goodbye to him. Ronnie said that Teddy was giving him weird looks so he didn't want to be there anymore.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jillian Barberie talked about smacking JD at the wedding. JD said it was one of the greatest moments there. He said that the smack was scary and awesome at the same time. JD said that he didn't like being smacked in an erotic way but he did like that a famous person slapped him in the face. JD said that it was like she felt compelled to touch him and it was nice. He said he'd let her do it again.
Benjy asked if he would choose for it to happen again. JD said he would let her do it. He said she didn't punch him in the face or anything, it was just a slap.
Another caller said that Howard promised everyone that didn't make it to his wedding that he'd take them to dinner. He wondered why he isn't taking them to this dinner. Jon said that he is taking Sal. The rest of the guys were at the wedding. Jon Bon Jovi didn't make it to the wedding so maybe he should go. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show talking about reading an op-ed piece in the paper where they talked about Joe Biden making more gaffes than even Sarah Palin does. Howard said he reads everything that they're writing back and forth in the paper. He said he didn't want to get into it but he did bring something up that Biden said about FDR.
Howard said that you'd think that Biden should be president and then you read about him and wonder if he even knows what he's doing. Robin said that he is a well studied man but he thinks he knows what he's saying in his head but it doesn't come out like he thinks. Robin said she's the same way sometimes.
Howard said he read another article about Bill O'Reilly signing a new deal with FOX to continue his TV show for another 4 years and now he's talking about giving up his radio show. Howard said doing radio is a lot harder than doing TV. He said it takes a special guy to do a radio show.
Robin said that it is a tough call to do a 4 hour radio show. Artie did his O'Reilly impression where he explodes while he's doing an intro for Inside Edition.
Howard read the Joe Biden article and Biden was talking about FDR getting on the ''television'' and telling everyone everything was going to be fine when the stock market crashed. Howard said that they pointed out that FDR wasn't president and TV was barely available when he was in office.
Howard played the Bill O'Reilly clip from Inside Edition that Artie was doing the impression of. That's where O'Reilly gets pissed about what he's reading and eventually says ''We'll do it LIVE! Fuck it!''
Howard said his favorite guy in that clip is the guy who goes ''In five, four, three...'' and isn't thrown by Bill yelling at all. Howard said he'd like to hear a tape where they use O'Reilly and Tracy their office manager yelling at each other. He told the guys to take the two and combine their yelling tapes. Howard said he thinks that Tracy would win in a real argument against Bill.
Artie said that Howard is gay but Howard told Artie that he obviously hates women and doesn't look at them in that way. Artie said he loves fuckin' them.
Howard said that Robin looked really good so Robin thanked him for that. Artie said that she looked really good in the kitchen when he saw her yesterday. He wanted to compliment her but he didn't want to screw it up and say something stupid.
Howard said his mother said that if she put a new glass in the kitchen, he would notice it because he pays attention to details. Robin said that Howard notices a lot of things like that and he's pointed that out at parties she's thrown for him. Howard said that's why he threw Artie's party in a pizza place because he knew that he'd notice that.
Howard read a story about Mel Gibson donating another 10 million bucks to some crazy church that he's part of. They're not even recognized as a real church though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's a huge fan of Riley Martin and he wants them to keep him on. Howard said that Riley isn't going anywhere. The guy said he doesn't want him to leave. Howard said he thinks that the hour show is the best thing that's ever happened to Riley and he knows he wants money for the show but it's not going to happen at SIRIUS. Howard said there are some people doing radio shows there and they don't get paid to do it.
Howard said that Riley can get on and sell his stuff on that show so he should be able to make plenty of money there. The caller said that he's purchased stuff from Riley before.
Howard said that the callers were bothering Riley yesterday and getting him all riled up. He said that they should change Riley's name to Riled Up or something.
Howard played some clips of Riley taking calls from fans who were asking him about them not paying him what he deserves. Riley said they will probably never do the right thing. The callers were all on his side and helped get him all worked up about them not paying him more to keep him there.
Howard said he heard a clip of William Shatner being interviewed about George Takei and he had a lot of ''Uhh's'' in his interview which are very much like Riley's ''Uhh's.'' Dan the Song Parody Man took those clips and compared them to Riley Martin's. He played some of those and they were very similar.
Howard had both Riley and Shatner's clips playing at the same time so there were a lot of ''Uhh's'' going on at the same time.
Howard played the audio of Shatner being interviewed about George Takei's wedding. Shatner said he felt badly about Takei's psychosis about him and he doesn't know why he dislikes him so much. Shatner said he doesn't know why he continues to speak badly about him.
Howard said he loves Shatner's arrogance in the clip. Shatner goes on to talk about how Takei was hiding his homosexuality all those years. Shatner said Takei came out of the closet at some point and it was no big deal to him. He said that he figured that Takei would have an epiphany and just get over all of this because they don't have a lot of years left.
Howard said they have to play that for George when he comes in. He said that Shatner is actually coming in soon. Artie said they should play the clip for Shatner too to let him hear himself talking.
Howard said he heard that George Takei smashed a picture of Shatner at his wedding instead of a glass like they do at Jewish weddings.
Howard played an edited clip, that Richard created, of William Shatner talking about a lot of gay stuff. (as transcribed by David F: One of the single greatest afternoons of my life was when a horny black handicapped kid stuck a bottle of vodka in my asshole while Jimmy Doohan butt fucked Patrick Stewart and with his nose buried in George Takei's ass Leonard Nimoy shit on John Wayne's face while an enormous fried egg sandwich was jammed into Isaac Asimov's disgusting shit hole and then all hell broke loose because fat assed Nichelle Nichols squashed a retarded midget's cock with a lightbulb while grunting and shitting in small plastic bags of M&Ms and then Walter Koenig showed up he was so horny that for the next hour and fifteen minutes Walter jerked off DeForest Kelley until his firm hard cock shot soggy congealed cum all over Lorne Michael's pretty face and then Gene Roddenberry washed Lorne's head off with hot piss. Oh my god! It was a party!) Howard said his book might be better than Artie's.
Howard had some more clips of Riley to play. He had one where Riley claims that someone at SIRIUS wants him to starve. Riley brings up the fact that they just hired a guy there, Chris Russo, and they're paying him 3 million a year. Riley seems to think that he's right up there with Russo and deserves that kind of money. Riley thinks that someone there wants him to starve so that's why they refuse to pay him.
Howard played some more clips of Riley being charming at times and the guys pointed out that he is able to change so quickly and be fake with people who call him. In one clip a caller was talking about how wrong they were talking about the kind of money they can afford to pay him there. That caller was getting Riley all worked up again talking about the kind of money Howard and Robin are making. The guy even suggested that Howard pay Riley something instead of SIRIUS.
Riley said that they're a bunch of underhanded, petty, grub worms over there. The caller told Riley that if Howard was broke his wife wouldn't give a shit about him and if Beth had a scar on her face Howard wouldn't care about her. The guys said that caller was a great one and hit all the points that Riley wanted to hear.
Howard had another clip where Riley was talking about being cleaned out of his assets from an operation he had. Howard said that's a real upper. Artie said he sure didn't injure himself carrying his money around.
Riley was asking people to check out his web site and told people to listen to Howard's show tomorrow for them to start the paperwork because he's going to re-up. Howard said of course he is.
Artie said they should tell Riley that they're going to pay him $450 a week but he can't plug anything. That would make him nuts. Howard said that Riley sells a lot of junk on his site, just like Jackie does, and they probably use the same company to make that crap.
Howard said he used to ask Jackie if he really wants to be the guy selling that stuff to his fans. He said that they probably wake up the next morning wondering why they spent $15 on a coffee mug with Jackie's plugs all over them.
Howard and Robin talked about the plugs that Jackie puts on all of his stuff. He has web sites, phone numbers and all kinds of other stuff on them. Howard said that used to make him mental when he'd sell all of that stuff. Howard said it makes Jackie look low rent. He said he doesn't need to grab every bit of money he can.
Howard said that Carlos Mencia goes out after comedy shows and takes pictures with fans for $20 a pop. Howard said he'd be afraid to do that kind of thing. He said that Amy Lynn used to do that though. He said that she used to go to Frank's Chicken House in Manville, New jersey and take Polaroids with the fans and charge them each $20.
Howard said Amy Lynn's mother had a coin changer and she'd handle all of the money while her daughter posed naked with these guys. Robin remembers the guys getting autographs on those pictures and they had to pay extra for that.
Howard said that he would do photo shoots with Amy instead of going to one of those things. He had her on the back of his book and she looked really good on that.
Howard said that he had this cool thing made up by someone who encased his book covers in Lucite. He said that Beth was checking it out and noticed he was in the picture with another blonde woman. He had to explain that to her.
Howard said that things have changed after getting married already. He said that she's going out on Thursday night with her friends so he's going to go out with his friends from work. He would usually go out to a strip club but he's not to be trusted in a strip club. He said he doesn't trust himself actually.
Howard said he wants to keep things real. Robin said he's like Jon Hein. Artie said that he would want them to help him get a hot chick that he can fuck if they went out to a strip club.
Howard said he was laying in bed, angry, and told Beth that he's going out on Thursday night. She asked what he's going to do. He said he told her that he's going out to a restaurant, but it won't be Nobu since they told everyone where they're going.
Howard said he told Beth it's going to be Artie, Fred, JD and Benjy. Beth said that sounded nice. Howard forgot that he invited Sal. He said that he did tell Beth that Sal was going to be there though. Jason said it was Artie, Fred, JD, Sal and Benjy. Tim Sabean can't go because he's doing Superfan Roundtable. Howard said they might have to have Ross in there too.
Robin said that Gary left the Wrap Up Show yesterday and Jon Hein was stuck with JD and Ronnie yesterday when everyone else was in their meeting. She said it was awful. Gary said that he asked Jon how it went yesterday and Jon just shook his head and grumbled like Lurch from The Addams Family.
Robin told Howard some of what was going on during that show and how JD and Ronnie were goofing on each other like two kids.
Howard said he told Beth all of that stuff and didn't get a rise out of her. He said that he was going to go to Nobu with Rosie O'Donnell. He said he's switching it because he's aggravated. Beth didn't get what he was trying to do. Howard said he's not sure what was going on there or what he was doing. He was just trying to get her aggravated.
Robin told Howard that he has to come up with a great night out before Beth does. That's how he can get her worked up.
Howard read some e-mail he got about Artie from people who think that Artie is going to break down if he goes to that party. That led to Gary coming in and saying that he doesn't see any of the lows that Artie used to go through when he was on drugs. Gary said that his hair is combed every morning and he's shaving and that stuff wasn't happening when he was on drugs.
Gary said that Artie wasn't at the meeting yesterday but his name came up during the meeting. They have a client coming on soon and they were coming up with ideas for a polygraph for Artie to take about being on drugs. Artie said that he'd take it and he has no reason to lie to them. Howard said he's ruining the bit by wanting to do it. Artie said that he won't give up his hair to test for drugs or anything.
Gary said that they wanted to ask Sal's wife about her emotional friend in a lie detector test but she won't take it. Gary said that he asked Sal to tell her what he was going to be calling about to warn her but she's not interested at all.
Artie said he got a good night sleep last night and he feels like a normal person today. He said he feels great.
Howard said it's odd that Sal's wife won't come in for money and take that test but she did shoot her husband in the ass with paint balls. Robin said that this is much different and has major consequences if it turns out she did sleep with this emotional friend.
Howard said that he heard that the uvula injury Sal had is usually caused by using coke. Sal said if he had money he might be doing that.
Sal said that he thinks that this would open a can of worms if she took the test. He said he believes that she didn't sleep with the guy but it could still open a can of worms.
Howard said that all Sal's wife has to do is sit through a few questions and she could walk away with 5 grand. Sal said that he'd be left with nothing if she came in and said that she fucked another man. Howard said that Sal would be getting the truth. Sal said he's not looking for the truth.
Howard said he'd want to know if Beth slept with another guy. Robin said there's no way he'd want to know that. Howard said he would. Sal said he doesn't want to know if his wife slept with another guy and he wouldn't leave her even if she did.
Sal said he just tells himself that it did happen because it can't get any worse than that. Howard said he wouldn't stay with a woman that cheated on him. He said that Sal is a better man than he is. Sal said that kind of stuff happens, they all have their faults.
Sal said that there was a little bit of a relapse that happened a while ago and she was doing the 143 (I Love You) thing again. He said that was round 3 and he stopped spying on her after that. He said they cleaned it up and that's all he can say. Howard asked how you clean that up. Sal wasn't saying.
Sal said that he was kind of spying on her because he had a feeling that something was up. He said he didn't want to talk about it because it's really heavy. Sal said he'd talk about it if Christine came in and wanted to talk about it.
Sal said that he and his wife have decided to work through this stuff. Artie said that if the guy is a good looking guy then he should be pissed. Sal said that he felt much better when he actually saw the dude. He said he's not that good looking. Sal said that he now realizes that his wife was looking for a friend and he knows that he wasn't there for her.
Sal said that any guy can rope in a hot girl, and Howard should know that. He was joking about Howard not looking that good and getting the hot Beth. Howard said that in the old days he'd get pissed about that.
Sal said that he gave her the option to leave and he asked if he could move on and get away from the games. Sal said that they decided to make things better and Christine agreed to get away from the emotional friend person. Sal said he wants to make things work and didn't want to leave his wife.
Howard said he didn't know there was a ''round 3'' and that was news to him. Sal said that people do relapse sometimes and they're working that out.
Robin said she figured that Sal would be the last one to be able to work through something like that. Howard asked Sal if he were financially secure, would he move on. Sal said that's a good question. Robin figured he'd be out of there. Sal said ''how many bags can I put on a plane?'' He said that would influence his decision but he's not in that situation right now so it's not fair to answer.
Howard said he's going to talk to Sal at dinner. He said he needs a good talking to. He told him to tell his wife to take that polygraph too. He let Sal go and said that he had to take a break. Fred said he thinks he knows why Sal does what he does because his mother had to put up with a bunch of bullshit in her life.
Howard said he doesn't want to leave Sal's wife alone for a minute when he takes Sal out on Thursday. He's worried about that. They went to break right after that.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. Lisa said that she has an interview with the producer / Director of Artie's audio book and he told her that Bob Levy took about twice as long to record the session as a regular person would.
Howard played some of the Bob Levy audio from the recording session and goofed on that a little bit. Lisa was saying that they had a producer working with him who usually works with kids.
Artie said that the producer never said a thing about being upset with the way Bob was doing his thing. Lisa said that Bob is reading the most important chapter of the book. Artie said that's not true, there's another chapter that he read himself for the audio book.
Howard played more of the Levy clip and said they should get the producer to read the book instead. He sounded much better than Bob did. The producer told Bob he was doing good even though he had just screwed up a line 15, or so, times in a row. Howard said that guy is good with kids because that's what the guy would tell a kid who was doing okay.
Howard got a few laughs out of the Levy recording session. Especially when he was screwing up the ''premeditated'' line. Howard said that Bob doesn't even care and it's so embarrassing. He said little kids can read better than Bob.
Howard said his 15 year old daughter was reading to him in the car the other day. He said that she reads really nice and only gets caught up on a word once in a while. He told Artie he should have hired his kid. Artie said he's pretty sure that Levy would make less than his kids.
Howard said he heard that Lisa G went to the company and tried to get them to pay for her cat sitter. Lisa said that's true. Her cat needs medicine twice a day and she had to go out to L.A. and she had to pay someone herself. She said that if she didn't have to travel she wouldn't have to pay someone to take care of her cat. Howard said that takes balls. They rejected the charge. Lisa said that it was part of her expenses to cover a story for Howard.
Howard said that maybe Lisa shouldn't have gone. She said she wouldn't have submitted it if she thought they weren't going to cover it. She said her cat would die if she didn't give her the medication. She said she adopted the cat and didn't know what she was getting into. She said she loves Lucky the cat.
Gary asked Lisa if she would bill that same thing to the company if she had a kid instead of a cat. Lisa said she doesn't know, she doesn't have a kid.
Howard told Lisa she should have given her cat to Siobhan the transsexual. He's a cat person. Lisa said she didn't think it was that crazy to submit for that to be reimbursed. She said that she submitted for batteries and they gave that to her. She needed those for her recorder.
Howard said he thought that was odd. Gary said that Doug Goodstein would have paid for that request if she had asked for it from them. Gary said he thinks that's insane. Howard said that Lisa is on the wrong side of things there.
Robin said that it's cookie party time. Lisa said that Lisa Lampanelli is going to be co-hosting the party with her and Jason. Robin said that Artie would like to go to the party because he can go and not get into trouble. Artie jokingly told Robin to go fuck herself on that because he can't go to the Playboy mansion with John Stamos but he can go to her cookie party.
Howard said he thinks that Lisa stands in front of the mirror all the time looking for fat and things like that. Lisa said she's not like that and didn't know what she weighed until yesterday. She said that she didn't work out this week but she did run on Sunday. She's not obsessed with her weight.
Howard asked Lisa what her best feature is. Lisa was thinking about that but Artie was still wondering about Jason co-hosting that cookie party.
Lisa said that Artie has been wearing that t-shirt for about 3 days in a row now. Artie said it was cleaned yesterday and he just wore it on Monday. Artie wondered why Jason is getting married to a chick.
Lisa said that Benjy and Ronnie got into a little bit of a fight in the hall. Benjy was upset about some comments Ronnie made about him out there. Benjy said he was sick of Ronnie constantly picking on him.
Howard asked Benjy if that was true. Benjy said that Ronnie says stuff just to instigate stuff and that's why he went off on him.
Ronnie came in and said that the only time he makes comments to him is when he does weird shit. Benjy said that he heard Ronnie talking about him nearby and that's why he went off on him. Ronnie said that the last time they had that discussion was when he was running in the hallway. Lisa said that Benjy kind of ran into her today in the hall. She said that he wasn't late for work or anything, it was just a little while ago out in the hall.
Ronnie said that the Verne Troyer sex tape chick was there yesterday and Benjy came out and stared at the chick. He said that Benjy asks if he's seen her somewhere before and says he recognizes her. Ronnie said he doesn't even know that he's doing it.
Benjy said they think that everything he does he's doing for a reason. He wanted to call that chick and ask if she noticed him staring at her. Benjy said that he asked Richie if she was the same girl that Seinfeld was accused of having an affair with 8 years ago. Ronnie said that he was staring at her and Chris was out there and saw it. Howard said he was bored and ended that little argument.
Howard said he heard that Lisa tried to expense a can of Coke out in Los Angeles. Lisa said that she may have asked if she could put in for snacks. Artie said that's really annoying. Howard said when she's there she doesn't do that so why would she do it on a business trip. Artie said that she's an annoying broad and he can tell that she's all about every little thing like that. Howard thanked Lisa for coming in and let her go after that. He said she walked out confused though.
Howard said Steve Langford did a story yesterday about how CBS Radio has to sell their stations and has to do all kinds of other stuff to reorganize. He said that it made him think about the way NBC had to sell of their station when they were fired from there. He said that they just can't survive without him there.
Howard played the story that Steve ran where he talks about how Sumner Redstone may be forced to sell off his radio division since they're doing so bad right now. Steve said that losing Howard Stern was a disaster for CBS. Howard said he loves hearing that stuff.
Howard played a clip from WNBC where they were announcing that they had fired Howard Stern. John Hayes was the one who made that announcement on the air that day. Howard said he saw an article about Hayes' career recently. He said that Hayes also fired them from radio up in Canada at one point. He said Hayes technically fired them twice.
Howard said that Mel Karmazin actually went somewhere with his career while Hayes wasn't able to sell his show. He said he'd still call that guy a retard if he saw him out on the street somewhere.
Howard said it' snot smart at all but the guy isn't afraid to get hit at all. Fred said he thinks it's just a pay day for Danny. Howard said the guy is willing to fight just about anyone. Fred said he saw him antagonizing Sugar Ray Leonard and Sugar Ray ended up taking him down in 5 seconds. Artie said he'd like to see the video of that.
Artie said he heard that Bob Levy is fighting John Wayne Bobbit on November 15th. Howard said he thinks that Bobbit is going to kick Levy's ass. Fred said he's not sure about that.
Howard played some audio of Ronnie and JD fighting on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. JD and Ronnie were arguing like two little kids. Robin told Howard that it was so bad that it actually became funny. Howard said he heard what Robin was talking about. Howard said that's some show. He said it really needs Gary.
Howard said that Dominic was all over the place in that call he made yesterday. Robin asked if he has any personal contact with Verne Troyer. Howard and Artie both said ''No!'' to that.
Howard told Robin that she looks 50 times better than she's ever looked. He said he wasn't lying about that. He said he'd stick it right in her if she wanted him to.
Howard asked Robin how things are going with this young man she's with. Robin said she really likes this guy and she thinks that he likes her. She said she's not sure if it's going to go anywhere. She said she won't call him her boyfriend though. Robin said she sees him on the weekend and during the week sometimes. Whenever they can get together they do. Howard asked if she's afraid to get attached. Robin said she's not afraid of anything.
Howard asked the guys what they think is going on there. Artie said he thinks that Robin is fucking that guy. He also thinks that Sal's wife fucked that guy she was texting.
Gary said that he thinks Robin is just enjoying the younger guy she's with and just going with it. Howard said that he thinks that a woman has to be emotionally attached before she'll sleep with them. He said she must have an emotional attachment to this guy.
Gary said that he thinks Robin likes great sex and that might be why she likes him. Robin said that the guy is exceptional. Fred said that the guy does seem to be very knowledgeable about a lot of stuff. He got to spend some time talking to him.
Howard and the guys asked Robin about this new friend of hers but she wasn't revealing a lot. Fred said he was around them at Robin's party and he didn't hear them calling each other honey or anything like that.
Gary said that when you date at that age you don't wait two months to have sex. Howard said that he needs a kiss on the second date at least. He said that he'd have to be touching titties after a week and a finger inside after a week and a half or so.
Gary said that after 5 weeks or so he must be at third base or so. Howard said that he'd want a finger inside after that time and he'd want her playing with his penis with her hand by that time.
Howard said he knows that Robin is having sex with this guy and there's nothing wrong with that. He said that they're two grown people and it's fine.
Howard said Robin is working hard to keep herself thin too and she's doing that so this younger man is going to see it. Robin said she was ashamed to be naked in front of anyone before she lost weight.
Howard took a call from Gregg from Howard TV and he said that Robin is still flirting with him. Gary said there's something going on between those two. Howard asked Robin why she would flirt with him. She said that she likes Gregg. Gregg said the guy she's with now isn't the man's man that she really wants.
Howard had Gregg asking Robin to go out. Robin told him he has to ask her off the air if he really wants to go out. Howard told him to ask her to go out on Friday night. Gregg said that he will do that off the air then. Howard told Gregg he'd better find another job if he does go out on a date. If things don't work out he's screwed. Robin told Gregg that this guy she's seeing now was the one who stepped up and asked her out.
Robin said that Jared called her to hang out too. She said that she was on a date when she got the call though. Howard asked if she was out with this guy Mark. She said she was. Robin said she and Jared are going to go out bar hopping and stuff. He's going to be their escort.
Ralph called in and said that Robin is blinded by her horniness. He said that she thought Jim was a genius and then she broke up and now she thinks this guy Mark is ''exceptional.'' Howard said she just wants a connection with someone.
Robin said Ralph is just upset because he can't go out with her now. Howard said he knows what that's like. He did the same thing to Ralph with Beth. Howard told Ralph that he should be fucking Robin. Robin said that's not going to happen and it's not a good idea. Artie said that he's 30 sit-ups away from being like that Mark guy.
Howard talked about the chick he was out with who ended up yelling out the N-word to this guy. He said he had to get away from her as fast as he could. Artie said that he could have fucked her and just gotten rid of her after that. Artie said he could fuck a chick even if she was yelling out that his grandfather was a Guinea.
Gary said that back in June of 2007 Robin said she was looking for an inappropriately younger man to keep on her arm. He said they'd find some other quotes that she's made about that.
Howard had Ralph back on the phone and he was talking about the hot model chick that Howard was talking about. He said that the N-word chick was a working model in New York City. Howard said that he reeled that chick in and wanted to get out of the club. Ralph wanted him to hang out but he figured he'd better get her out of there before someone else snatches her up.
Howard said they walked out of the club and the black guy was just standing there and the girl walked right up to the guy and told him he was the N-word. He said that the guy was a big guy too and he was very muscular. The guy showed some restraint and he had to admire that. Howard said if he had popped her in the head he would have just taken off. He said they took a cab and he took her home instead of taking her back to his place. Howard said he didn't even get her number.
Howard said he knew that broad was nuts and didn't want anything to do with her after that. He said he doesn't need trouble like that. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said some dude sent him a bootleg of a Beatles performance at Shea Stadium. They were introduced by Ed Sullivan there. That was back in the 1960s. Sid Bernstein was the first guy who introduced them and then Ed Sullivan came out.
Howard played the audio of that bootleg where the first guy introduces Ed Sullivan and the crowd goes nuts cheering for him. Sullivan then introduced The Beatles. It took them a little while to get out to where they were performing. Howard said he got the chills hearing the crowd cheering like that.
Howard said that it was weird to hear the guys in the band talking. They performed ''Twist & Shout'' and ''Baby's In Black.''
Howard said he can't stand that Mark David Chapman is still alive. They spent a minute on that subject and then Howard played some more of the Beatles stuff. They actually let Ringo sing a song. Howard said little did they know that he would one day stop signing autographs through his web site.
Gary came in and said that a strange bunch of groups opened up for the Beatles that day. He read that list of people and also told Howard that Cousin Brucie was there doing his thing. Fred played some of the music from some of the bands that were there that day.
Howard said he wanted to hear Cousin Brucie introducing ''Cannibal and the Headhunters.'' He did an impression of Brucie before doing that. Then he played the clip of Brucie introducing Frank Stickle who was from a competing radio station at the time. Frank Stickle introduced the guys from his station who hogged the mic for a couple of minutes. Howard said that it's no wonder people hate radio guys after hearing that.
Howard played a clip of Cousin Brucie talking about how ''Cousin Brucie was honored'' to have been brought to Shea Stadium to do what he was doing. Then he introduced another radio guy. They just kept introducing radio guy after radio guy.
Howard said the concert was pretty convoluted the way they had things set up. He said he didn't know they had to sit through all of this garbage. Howard said that's some job kissing the ass of the Beatles the whole time. Brucie was going on and on about how happy the Beatles were to have everyone there at Shea Stadium. Howard said he was exhausted from listening to the tape.
That stuff led to Howard talking about how great Jimi Hendrix was as a guitar player. They were talking about Eric Clapton being good but not as good as Hendrix. Howard said that Eddie Van Halen is good too but not as great as Hendrix was.
Howard said that he would put Jimi at the top of the list. Eddie Van Halen would come in next, then Leslie West. He said that Eric Clapton might be around number 7 or so. He said he didn't care about Stevie Ray Vaughn. He said that Hendrix could sing, write and play. He said there is no better album than the Jimi Hendrix Experience.
Howard said that he doesn't know enough about Pink Floyd to say where those guys would belong. Artie mentioned Pete Townshend. Howard said he's good but not up in the top 10. They also talked about Mark Knopfler, Joe Perry, Keith Richards and a bunch of others. Howard said he was just giving the top 10 and he's not going to repeat the list or put them in order.
Robin wanted to hear some ''Are You Experienced'' but Howard said he didn't want to play that. Howard mentioned some of the great songs on that album and said that there were a bunch that were amazing. They did play ''Are You Experienced'' for a couple of minutes.
Howard said that some guys who never make it into the top 10, but deserve to be there, are Steven Stills, Brian May of Queen and some others. He said that he just hung up the picture of Neil Young that Artie gave to him as a gift one year. He said he loves Neil Young but he loves himself even more so he may have to take down that painting.
Artie said he loves those calls. He said he loved the time the guy says ''Save the drama for your mama.'' Howard said he loves that one guy does those calls. Artie said he met the guy once and he was amazed at what he looks like.
Howard said the guys are working on the Tracy vs. Bill O'Reilly thing that he asked for earlier. He played a little bit of that and it was the two of them yelling from their respective tapes.
Siobhan the transsexual called in and asked about the Halloween special is doing on Howard TV. Doug Goodstein said it's up on the 27th. Howard said Victoria Zdrok is in one of them naked. There's one called ''Deadliest Breath'' which is about Gary and how he got his bad breath.
Howard said they have a sitcom called ''In the Hallway'' that they have coming up soon as well. It stars Sal, Jason, Scott the Engineer, Gary, Richard and others.
Sal said they have some real actors in it as well. Siobhan said it's becoming like HBO on that channel. Artie was doing an impression of Siobhan whenever she said anything. Howard said that they're working on a lot of stuff for that channel.
Howard said he had a clip from Deadliest Breath so he played that quickly. It was a scene of Gary blowing his breath on the guys and killing them.
Sal said they're writing a script that includes Beth and they're hoping that she'll do it. Artie did his Siobhan impression and said that they should be writing it about her. Fred did his impression a little bit as well.
You can see the painting here. Howard said that the guy uses his penis as a paintbrush and calls himself Pricasso. Artie started to explain to Robin what the Pricasso name meant but she told him she knew.
Howard said that the painting is actually pretty good for something painted with a penis. Robin said the guy is built too. Howard said it looks painful to be doing that with his penis.
Eric said that the guy is from Australia. He said that their P.R. guy is a prick and that's why he quit. Howard thanked him for that and hung up on him. Artie called him a dick after Howard hung up.
Artie said that there were 6 guys and he's been playing with them for a long time. The guy didn't seem to be listening to what Artie was telling him so he was yelling about that. Howard hung up on that guy too.
Howard took another call from a guy who said they have to compare the Mike Tyson recording session tapes to Bob Levy's clips from Artie's book. Howard said that those clips were great too.
The caller said he's from San Francisco and wanted to know what bar it was where she got anal. Robin said it was in a hotel, not a bar. She didn't remember the name of the hotel either. Robin said it was on California St. She thinks.
Howard played the Mike Tyson recording session clips where he wasn't able to get his lines right. They kept correcting him on everything he was saying. Then he played the audio of Bob Levy trying to read Artie's book. Howard said that the audio engineer must feel like a genius when he hears Bob trying to read that.
Howard remembered reading a book called Itsy Bitsy when he was a kid and how easy it was to read. He said that he was stuck in a class where they read that book and they never called on him to read it because he was so proficient at reading. He said that there were some kids who weren't able to say some of the word in the book. He said it was his only salvation in that school that he could read and the other kids couldn't.
Howard said they transferred him out of the class after his mother found out what he was reading in that class. He said they moved him to a 9th grade English class that was really hard and he turned into the idiot in that class.
Benjy found out that the book is made for 4th graders. Howard said they were still reading it in 9th grade. Howard said Bob would have fit in that class. Howard told Gary to book Bob to come in and read Itsy Bitsy for them.
Howard said that he heard they have Bob reading the news on Miserable Men. Robin said they do that and have him trying to pronounce words that they spell for him. Howard said that sounds like a good show.
Howard said that Bob's teachers must have felt really defeated. Robin said that Bob didn't graduate from what Artie said. Artie said he doesn't think that Bob graduated ''on time.''
Howard played more of the Bob clips where he was stumbling over quite a few words. He really had trouble with ''premeditated.'' Fred asked how he memorizes his act. Artie said he memorized it 25 years ago. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said that Bubba has adopted that Jimi Hendrix song as his own theme song. He also talked about all of the pictures that Bubba sent to them to use on his web site. He said she's really hot.
Howard was also saying that he hopes that they sign Bubba to stay on there at SIRIUS. He said he hopes they see his value there. Robin said she hopes they work it out too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's called in before and tried to explain his last call but Howard had no idea what he was talking about. The guy was wondering when the Christian Slater interview is going to air on Howard TV. Howard said he just got a call from Slater thanking him for having him on the show.
Gary said that Slater's show is going to be on Howard TV in November. Howard told the guy that they're just backed up on shows apparently. Howard said that guy was shot out of the cannon and had to let him go.
Howard had some e-mail about Eric the Midget so he read through that. The first writer said that Eric is fascinating on the show and he loves when he calls in. Another person said that every moment of Eric on the show is funny. Those people were going off on Jillian Barberie for not getting it.
There was some mail about that chick in the Verne Troyer sex tape. Some people didn't like her on the show. There were some who thought Dominic Barbara was an asshole for going off on her the way he did.
Howard had an e-mail about Sal and his hair spray. The guy said that they have the same stores out where Sal was traveling to so he could have gotten it out there in Ohio. Howard said the thing was that Sal didn't want to be seen buying the hair spray so he had sent an intern out to get it.
Howard said he read some email about Artie earlier. He said that he thinks that Artie has straightened up and he's staying sober. He said that he hasn't hit anyone in 9 months and he's been brushing his hair and shaving lately too. He said he's proud of Artie and he thinks he's doing good with the book coming out and all of that.
Howard said he was proud that he got 3 blow jobs on his way back from Atlantic City. He said he would like to see Artie stop the gambling though. He said he needs to confront whatever it is inside that he needs to fix. Robin said that if he's not 100 percent then is he really doing anything. Howard said that he is.
Howard asked if Artie is off Subutex. Artie said that he absolutely is. Robin said that he's still indulging in an addiction with the gambling. She said that he might be into a sexual addiction now. Artie said that he always had that pretty much.
Howard said he'd like to see Artie in a regular relationship with a girlfriend, maybe not marriage, but a girlfriend.
Howard asked Artie if he thinks he's doing okay. Artie said he's doing fine. Fred said he's been reading Artie's book, ''Too Fat To Fish,'' and he's going to have a lot of questions for him. He said that it seems that Artie was doing all of that drinking, drugging and gambling very early on.
Artie didn't want him spoiling any of the details of the book now though. Artie said they asked him not to bring it up until the book is out. Fred said that they'll be able to talk about it when the book is out. It's coming out in a few more weeks.
Howard asked Artie if he was molested or something. Artie said he wasn't. He joked that he had molested someone himself but he was joking around about that.
Fred said that there were a few things in his book that shocked him. Howard said that he wants to know when he can talk about this. Artie told him to read it and he can talk about it. Howard said he'll read it this weekend then. Artie said that's fine.
Fred told Howard that he will laugh and cry when he reads this book. Artie said his mother read it but she already knew most of it. He said she's liking it so far.
Howard asked if Jackie can sell his merchandise to the troops. Steve said he doesn't think so but he's not sure. Howard did his Jackie impression a bit and goofed on him about the merchandise.
Steve said they have another edition of the High Pitch Mike Lowdown where he talks about Jillian Barberie singing. He breaks into his own version of Landslide in the piece. Gary said he had it if he wanted to listen to it.
Howard played the clip where Mike goes off on Jillian about singing at Howard's wedding. Mike had his dog barking at her performance on Celebrity Superfan Roundtable. Then Mike sings the song himself. Howard said he was terrific in that.
Steve said they're looking for any current or former L.A. Times reporters to give them a call. He wrapped up and then Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He read through his list of subjects for the show today.
Ralph called in and asked Fred to play some Jackie laughs at inappropriate times today during the news. Fred said he would do that for Ralph. Fred said he hopes that they have some really horrible story about a kid dying or something to play the laugh during.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was willing to put up another 5 grand if Sal's wife takes the lie detector test. Howard said they'll take his name and keep that in mind.
Jon finished up his show preview after that. He mentioned the Beatles tapes that Howard was playing earlier so Howard ended up playing some clips from the concert that were just awful performances. He said it's no wonder the crowd was cheering for The Beatles after they had to suffer through all of that.
Robin said that people who eat too quickly are more likely to get fat. Howard took a call from Pedro after that. Pedro asked why they didn't invite Jackie to his wedding since he invited Stuttering John. Howard said he invited Stuttering John because his wife and Beth stay in contact all the time. He said that if they weren't that close he wouldn't have invited John. He said that he doesn't really have anything to do with John or Jackie these days.
Howard said that he and Chevy Chase aren't that close either. He said that they've been running into each other a lot and they have a good time when they hang out. He said that was a spur of the moment thing that he did inviting the guy to the wedding.
Robin said she was looking at the top 20 TV shows and it's crazy how it's changed. She said that Howard probably doesn't watch anything in the top 20. CSI, NCIS, Dancing with the Stars, Desperate Housewives, The Mentalist, Dancing results, grey's anatomy, Two and a Half Men, 60 Minutes and House are in the top 10. Howard said he hasn't seen most of those shows. He said he likes 60 minutes though.
Howard said he might be giving up on Heroes but he's still watching it. He loves Smallville. He said that it's good this season. He said it must be good if he's watching it but he's not even sure. He said the guy is hardly Superman though. He's still not flying in the show though. Artie got a laugh out of that.
Howard said he likes The Biggest Loser too. Robin said that's not even in the top 20. Robin asked if he's been seeing The Sarah Conner Chronicles. Howard said he's still watching that. Robin said it came close to being canceled but it was picked up for the rest of the season.
Howard said that CSI has to be the same shit week after week. Robin said that there are a bunch of them too. Jon Hein came in and said that The Biggest Loser is doing okay in the ratings even though it's not in the top 20. Jon said that this week's Heroes was good but not quite back on track. Howard said he kind of wishes he was normal when he sees Heroes with everyone having super powers.
Ralph called in again said he loves True Blood and the new 90210. He said he likes ''My Own Worst Enemy'' too and Christian Slater is good in that. Ralph also likes ''Fringe'' but Robin said she's not into that. Ralph said that ''Life'' is a great show but no one watches it. He said it's great and NBC doesn't promote it.
Howard said he now knows why Bill Maher hates him. He said that he loves Bill's show. He said that Bill gives some kind of story about him saying something on the air about him but he remembers Bill calling him off the air to co-produce a show with him and he kind of blew him off. He said that he didn't say the show was a bad idea or anything, he just blew him off. Howard said he thinks that's what Bill is mad at him about. He said he probably didn't treat him very well during that discussion.
Robin got back to her news and had some audio of Barack Obama talking about how this country isn't divided and we're all pro-America. Howard said he has a shaky feeling about that guy but they'll see what happens. He said that McCain picking Palin was just such a bad idea that he can't go along with that.
Robin had some McCain clips that she played. Howard said that he just can't vote for him with Palin as his running mate but he's also thinking that Biden isn't far off from Palin.
Robin had some Sarah Palin audio clips that she played as well. Palin was talking about what the Vice President does and she got her answer wrong. Howard thought she wasn't that far off of what the job is but Fred argued with Howard about that.
Robin read a story about Michael Bloomberg wanting to run for a third term as Mayor of New York City. Howard said that the guy is good and he's not sure who else could do such a good job. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that.
Robin had a story about Mel Gibson putting $10 million into his own church The Holy Family Catholic Church. That makes them worth $45 million according to their tax return. Howard said that guy is as kooky as his religious freak father. He said that the Vatican can't even approve of what they do in that church. Howard said that the guy is so wacky that he had to start his own church. Robin said he only has 100 members so it can't be that good.
Robin read a story about the 33 year old guy who was arrested for driving erratically who claimed he was going to meet Beyonce on the George Washington Bridge.
Robin read some news about the upcoming World Series games. She said that the Backstreet Boys are going to be playing at the opening game on Wednesday.
Robin said that there were some KKK flyers left on people's cars at a train station on Long Island. Robin said that Spike Lee has fired his agent and left the William Morris agency. Howard said that the agent isn't the problem there.
Robin said that Scarlett Johansson is hosting a Nobel Prize concert that's coming up soon. There was a case about Britney Spears where the judge declared a mistrial. The jury was deadlocked over the case so they had to call it a mistrial.
Robin read a story about rich people cheating on their taxes more than the middle class. She wrapped up her news after that. Fred hadn't gotten in any Jackie laughs because the stories weren't all that horrible. Fred threw some in as Howard and Artie made up some fake stories about awful things. They ended the show a short time later around 10:25am.
Jon asked Jason about the sex stuff and what he found in their logs. Jason said that Robin has said on many occasions that she wanted to find someone young but she never said that she wanted to bang them. Jason said that Robin isn't looking to hold hands with a 20-something year old. Gary said she's still got needs.
Jason said that it took Robin 7 months to admit that she slept with Jim and she never really admitted that she did. Jason said he's still not sure if they definitely did.
Benjy said she could imagine that Robin isn't banging this guy yet. Jason said she doesn't want to talk about her sex life but he's sure that she's had sex and just isn't talking about it. Gary said that it would get boring quickly if she gave every detail when they asked her about it. Jason said that's fine except when it's 8 months into a relationship and she's still not talking about it.
Gary said that he thinks of Robin as a sister and he's happy that she's not giving all of the details.
Jason said that Robin is one of those women who gives out a sexual vibe when he sees her. He said that he looks at her as a sexual person. Sal was in the studio but Gary told him not to say anything about her.
Jason said Robin is looking very good and he can't look at her like a sister. He said he doesn't have a sister of hiss own so he doesn't know what it would be like to look at her like that.
Jason said he doesn't look at Lisa G as a sexual being. He said he didn't mean any offense by that but he doesn't have those feelings for her.
Gary said that he once admitted to jerking off to an intern on the air and that's rough. Sal said he didn't think that Gary was into black women but Gary said he is. He said he hasn't slept with any but he was into them.
Benjy said that he's thought about Robin in a sexual way but not all that much. He said that anyone who is attractive will go through his head in that way at some point.
Sal said that he would love to have sex with Lisa G. He asked Gary if he had to pick between Robin and Lisa G, which would it be. Gary said it would probably be Lisa G. Benjy said that he would do Lisa G. Jason said that he would go with Robin. He said that he's never been with an older, experienced woman but he thinks that Robin would be more experienced.
Jon said that he would go with Robin, no doubt about it. Gary said he knew Lisa back in the day when he would have tried to fuck her. He said that he used to see her around about 20 years ago and they ran into each other a lot. He always got the good girl vibe off of her though.
Tim Sabean was in and said that he would go for the Happy Meal. Tim said he doesn't know which one he would pick. Jon told him that even he picked one. Tim said he's married but so is Jon.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she called last week about this. She said they told her that they'd chip away at this last week but now she's hearing Gary saying that he likes that they're not getting everything out of her. Gary said he likes hearing her squirm the way she does. He's glad that she's not just blurting out every gross detail.
Gary said it's not Robin's personality to do it the other way and he can't imagine her just opening up and giving details.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Robin is a pig and he just doesn't see what they're talking about when they talk about how hot she is. Gary said that's their opinion and he can't argue that. Gary said he thinks that Robin is a very pretty woman.
Another caller said that he doesn't think that Lisa or Robin are that good looking. He said that they're both prudes though. Jason said he thinks that Lisa is a prude but Robin is only a little prudish on the air. Gary pointed out that Robin went out and bought a tape to figure out how to give a better blow job and that's not what a prude would do.
Jason wondered why Lisa can't have a friend just pop in and check on the cat a couple of times a day. Gary said she must not have any friends. Jason also said that trip was a treat for Lisa and they didn't need to send her out to L.A. to cover the show out there. Gary said that she didn't treat it like a treat, she treated it like a job.
Sal said that it seems like whenever Lisa is involved with pussy, no one is paying. Tim said that he would be thrown out the 36th floor there if he put through an expense like that.
Mike Gange said that Lisa was talking about putting that in out in L.A. so she knew that she was going to submit for it right from the start.
Gange and Jim McClure were talking about how odd Lisa was out there in L.A. and how she didn't eat at Nobu even though she kept saying she couldn't wait to go.
Gange said that Lisa G was also talking about the cat thing like she knew that it was going to be a problem. Lisa ended up coming in and said that Gange must have eaten like $1000 worth of food when they were at Nobu. Jim said that they were getting a lot of free food.
Gary asked Lisa if she thinks that she's boring. She said that she was very tired out there in L.A. but Gary told her that it's boring in general.
Lisa said that she doesn't stay out very late and she was trying to stay on schedule out there. The guys told her that she can't get jet lag in a day and a half.
Gange said that Lisa was complaining that she didn't get to see any celebrities or paparazzi out there while they were there.
Lisa said that she was eating a lot of food for her out there. She said that she's not going to eat the same amount as Gange. She said she wouldn't eat the same amount as Jim McClure either. Lisa said that she ate some of her tuna roll and not the whole thing. Jim said he ate some of her meal.
Lisa talked about her cat's problems and how she doesn't go away that much and she wouldn't put that job on one of her friends to give the cat medication. She said she didn't put the expense in because she has big balls, she put in because she wouldn't have incurred that expenses if she didn't go on that trip.
Jason said that he wouldn't put in for that expense no matter what. Lisa said that her cat would die if she didn't give it the medication. Sal asked ''Isn't one dead pussy in the apartment enough?''
Jon asked Lisa if she gave Jason a book called ''Everything I Need to Know I learned From My Cat.'' Lisa said that she did. Jason said he thought it was very nice and he read it on the way home from work one night.
Jason said he's having someone come to install cable and asked if he could ask Tim to cover that as an expense to have someone sit and wait for the cable guy. Gary said of course you can't.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Lisa if she would let a guy give her a sensual spanking. She asked how they got from the cat sitter to the spanking. Sal said that's because the cat thing was boring and they're moving on. Lisa said that it all depends on the kind of relationship she's in. Sal took that as a yes.
Ralph called in and said he finds Lisa lovable and no one else has that reaction to her. Gary said that he thinks that no one there dislikes her. Ralph laughed at that. Gary said she's seen as a bit of a princess and that leaves her open to take a lot of shots.
Ralph said he thinks that's how they're interpreting it and that's not really the case. Gary said that he thinks Ralph will come up with a perception of a guest on the show after 30 seconds so he's one to be talking about their perception of Lisa.
Ralph said that Lisa should be able to ask for expenses like that when they're out on a business trip like that. Gary told Ralph that he's never worked for a company like that so he doesn't know what it's like to work for someone like that.
Gary said that they used to get meal expenses in the past but you have to eat out on the road. Ralph said that you have to eat at home too though and you don't ask your company to pay for that. Gary said that they offer that stuff though and he's not going to turn it down.
Jon asked Ralph about some of the expenses he's turned in for stuff over the years. Ralph said that he hasn't asked for anything that crazy. He said that he used to ask for rides home in a car but he wasn't getting paid to do the shows back then.
Jon asked Ralph who he would pick out of Robin or Lisa. Ralph said he would take Lisa because he likes small girls like that.
Lisa said that she will put an extra $50 for her meals since she doesn't eat as much as the rest of the people there. She said that should make people happy. She said she's not upset about it now like she was before. Lisa said she hopes she can go out on the road and do more trips like that.
Jon asked Lisa who she would do out of the guys in the studio there. Lisa said that she would take Sal because she thinks that he'd be a lot of fun. Sal said that was funny because he was just taking money out of his pocket as she said that.
Ralph said that there is one thing that bothers him about Lisa. He said that the cookie party is kind of weird because she makes people make their own cookies. Lisa said it can't be a professional, bought cookie. Lisa said that she has about 80 people on the list and it's going to be tight if she has that many over. She said that Lisa Lampanelli and Jason are going to be co-hosting the party and it's going to be fun.
Gary asked if anyone there has a big apartment that they could fit all of those people in. Someone said ''Howard'' and got a laugh. Richard Christy has a big room in his place but Sal said there's no way he'd have a party there.
Jason said that Raquel Welch and Jane Fonda looked good at Robin's age. Gary said he's not so sure they look that good now though.
Gary said that Robin wasn't so fat that she's going to have tits hanging down to her knees. Sal said that he loves how these guys are like the Simon Cowell of pussy. Sal said that this guy on the phone would shag her in 60 seconds flat. Gary said he agrees with him on that.
The guys were talking to Sal about the Lisa comment about him. Sal said he gets a vibe off of her when he hugs her there in the hall. He said that he does that in front of the cameras in his ''character.'' The guys goofed on him about that. Benjy said he has a ''squeeze her tits'' character that he does.
A caller asked Sal about his wife's polygraph and if he thinks his wife will do it for another 5 grand. Sal said that it would have to be a lot of money for her to do it. He's not sure if that extra 5 grand is going to help.
Jason said that the whole thing could disrupt the marriage if he goes through with it. Sal said he's convinced himself that the worst of it is over and done. He said that he's not sure how he would react but he thinks he could get over it.
Jon said that he thinks that a part of Sal just doesn't want to know what happened. He said that another part does want to get some finality on it. Sal said it's like your kid is gone and you'd rather think that they're dead than gone for good. What?
Sal said his wife has forgiven him and they're trying to move on and forget about all of this stuff. Gary said he's going to call Christine today to ask her about doing the polygraph and it's going to be very uncomfortable. He said the other really awkward call he made was to Cabbie's mother when they found out who she really was.
Sal said he told his wife what Gary was going to call about. He blurted out that he was going to ask about asking her questions about having sex with that emotional friend guy.
Sal said that Gary really puts on a character when he talks to his wife. Gary said he treats her like he treated her when they went away on vacation together. Gary said that he likes Sal's wife.
Benjy asked if they're going to ask Sal's wife if she's been in contact with the 143 guy since their third blow up. Sal said they can ask her whatever. He said that he's pretty sure she hasn't been in contact with him since then.
Jon took a call from a guy who told Sal he's doing a great job there. He mentioned the interviews about Barack Obama as being really good. Sal said he loves being there and it's great when they can come up with an idea like that and run with it.
Sal said that they have two jackasses to pick from and they have to pick one. Gary said that he doesn't think that they're both jackasses.
The guys spent a few minutes talking about McCain and Obama. Sal was saying that they should just let the guys try out for the job for like 6 months and see how things go. Jason said that one of them is still going to be working for the country even if they don't get elected as President.
Jon took a call from a guy who gave Sal some kudos for the stuff they've been doing on the show. He asked Sal about his wife wanting to change him. Sal said a lot of people try to change the people they marry. He said that when people are in love they have a lot in common at first but then you get to hate that stuff in the long run. Sal said his wife used to love this stuff he does when they first started dating but she hates it now.
Sal said they've come to the point where Christine kind of strayed a little bit and now they're trying to work things out. Sal said that they were at about a 2 a year ago and they're up to an 8.5 now. Gary thought that sounded great but Jason said that's probably out of 100.
The caller said that Sal is stuck between a rock and a hard place with his wife because if she doesn't want him to be that guy he used to be, can he deal with that himself? He said he went through that with his wife and he didn't change for her. The guy said that he split up with his wife a long time ago after 15 years of marriage. He said you can compromise but you may not change your core personality. Sal said that things are getting better between him and his wife. They had to go to break after that.
Ralph called in again and said that he will take the lie detector test because he's going to get 5 grand from them and 5 grand from Dominic. Ralph said that he thinks that Dominic will still come through even though this is a different deal.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked Gary if he has a hidden hatred toward Sal because he seems to like fucking him over. The caller said Gary is trying to get him to get his wife to do the lie detector test thing. Gary said that they were in a meeting yesterday and they have a sponsor who is looking to do a polygraph thing for the show as a promotion and that's when they came up with the idea for Sal's wife to take the test. They had a few other ideas that they threw around during the meeting too. Gary said he still has to call Sal's wife to find out if she's willing to do it.
Sal said that he thinks that the guy is asking why Gary didn't come to him and talk to him about it after he already spoke to his wife about it. Gary said he didn't think Sal was going to do what needed to be done.
The caller said that Sal says things are at an 8.5 in his marriage so he wondered if Gary feels bad about calling to ask about the polygraph. Gary said that they all talked about it yesterday. Sal didn't tell them that he didn't want them calling her.
The caller said that he doesn't think that Sal would say no to anything on the show and they're taking advantage of him by doing this to him. Gary said that this guy is basically saying that Sal is as able to make decisions on his own as Gary the Retard.
Gary said he's not looking to fuck up anyone's marriage or anything like that. Sal said that he realized that it's already been out there for 2 years on the show. It already happened, they're aware of it and he's already moved on with his life since then. He said that he just assumed that she already did the guy in his mind so he's ready for her to admit to it if she actually did it. He said that he thinks he could handle it if she said she did. Jon said he's not sure he could handle that.
Sal said that the 143 thing was pretty huge alone and if she admits she slept with the guy, that's really going to hurt Sal. Gary said that it is a big thing for a guy to go through even with just the 143 thing.
Sal asked the guys if they believe in the validity of the lie detector. Gary said he's not sure. Jon said he thinks there's something there but not an absolute.
Gary said that Howard threw out the idea to have all of the married guys take a test to see if they really love their wives. Jason said he thinks they should still do that one.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that Richard is turning down the dinner with Howard on Thursday and she's wondering how Jason is feeling about that since he's not going to his wedding for the same reason. Jason said that Richard is an odd guy and he really didn't think about that at all.
Sal said that Benjy is going to change his schedule to go out with Howard on Thursday but he won't go to Jason's wedding because of his schedule and they're going to be around the same time. Benjy said he's sorry he made that decision about Jason's wedding. Jason told him that he gets to save $135 thanks to Benjy not coming to the wedding.
A caller told Sal he's having some similar problems with his wife and he wondered how he gets around the trust issues. Sal said that you have to think about compromising with his wife and what she must think of him. He said that he extends her more respect and patience and that seems to be working.
Sal said he has changed for his wife and it's working for him. He said it didn't work immediately but over time she has come around.
Jon talked about how Howard was doing his Cousin Brucie impression during that segment. Gary said you can't have enough of that. They were also talking about Cousin Brucie introducing other personalities. That led to the guys talking about how they used to do the same thing at the concerts they used to do for K-Rock when they were there. They used to have all of the DJs there go up on stage to talk to the fans.
The guys talked about the guitarist discussion that Howard had with the guys. They went through the list again and talked about Eric Clapton and Jimi Hendrix again.
The guys were also talking about great female guitarists. There weren't many and they said that they don't come close to the best male guitarists.
A caller said that he likes how Fred dismisses Eddie Van Halen in those discussions like he's a one trick pony. Gary asked the guy if Eddie does anything different on any albums. The guy said that Eddie couldn't sell anything like that if he put it out.
Jon said that Fred is saying that he thinks that he should be able to hear other genres of music from Eddie if he's really that great a guitar player.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that they talked about Neil Peart yesterday but they didn't talk about the guitarist from the band Rush, Alex Lifeson. Jon said that he really is incredible. Sal said that he is great and he should be in the top 10.
Sal was talking about how great Ace Frehley was and how a lot of guys were inspired by him. Gary said that there are a lot of people who think he's an underrated guitar player. Sal said that he's really cool and he's impressive the way he plays even though he is kind of sloppy.
Another caller said that Mark Knopfler was a great name that they brought up. He said that Hendrix was god then there's Eric Clapton, Jimi Paige, Jeff Beck and other great guys. Gary said that the problem with Jeff Beck is that there aren't that many great songs from him. Gary said that's probably why he's not that well known. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show talking about how he was ranting about Imus to Artie before the show. He said that JD gave him a clip of Imus trying to make a joke and it just falls flat. Howard has a couple more years left for himself and he's already getting tired. He doesn't want to go on and on like Imus is. He said he has maybe 4 good years left in him and then he has to get out.
Howard played the clip of Imus doing an interview via phone and trying to joke about something that they do on FOX News. He goes on and on trying to explain his joke but it didn't make any sense. Howard said that Imus was trying to say that they have one of the most important news stories that Madonna is getting help from Gwyneth Paltrow while this financial crisis is going on in this country.
Howard said it's amazing to him that Imus has a career and people still listen to him. He said he must have some people listening to still have that job and it just seems that there's a time when you're just too old to do it.
Artie said it shows that you can be too old to tell a joke. Howard said that there are guys out there who can still do their jobs when they get older. He said that Bob Grant was doing okay when he wasn't trying to be funny. Howard said his father could probably do a show if he wasn't trying to be funny.
Howard said that he's an exception to the rule and you can't find anyone else like him. He said that everyone else sucks at getting good ratings. He said that Bubba is doing really well locally but there are some markets where they just can't find a guy to do well like that because it's not easy. Howard said Imus could never do that and he never had good ratings. He can't figure out his career.
Howard said that Imus' name sets him off because he has a career but he's never done anything to prove himself. Robin said she has to laugh when she hears that he shook Imus' hand the other day. Howard said that he's not even sure if Imus said his name when he shook his hand.
Howard said Imus looks awful and he walks all hunched over. He said he can't imagine how he gets around while walking. The guy was wearing big boots with heels on them and he's not sure how he gets around like that. Howard said he was a little uptight and didn't soak in all of what Imus was wearing.
Howard said he was out yesterday and saw Robin running with some dude. Robin said that's the guy that goes running with her. She said that she walks to the park and then runs in the park. Howard said he was yelling at her that she had someone walking her. Howard said he was a good looking dude too.
Robin said that she and Josh were running the other day and someone told her that her pace was better than Howard's. Howard said that people say stuff to him all the time.
Howard was out for lunch at Mateo's the other day and the food was really good. He said he was out with his 15 year old daughter at the time. He said he ate so much that he had to run home and take a dump. He said that Artie would have loved that meal. Howard said he didn't care that day and had to enjoy that food. Howard said he jogged before the lunch.
Howard said he was out running yesterday and this chick says to him ''Hey, you'd better run faster or your new wife will dump you!'' Howard said he kept running because he doesn't even look at the person. He said she was like a fly that he swatted away. Howard said he usually says hi to people but not this girl. He said she was such a fuckin retard that he didn't bother.
Howard said the woman apologized for saying that stupid line. He said he didn't want to interact with the woman. He said she was running faster than him and she had the fattest ass on a woman he's ever seen. He said she probably had to say it to him because she was excited to see him or something. Howard said people get excited when they see famous people. He said even he has that going on but he doesn't bother anyone.
Howard said that he had a run in with Heath Ledger one time. He saw him and Michelle Williams out one night and went over to say hello to them. They kind of blew him off so he complained about it on the radio. Heath ended up calling him and apologizing for it because they were in the middle of a big conversation.
Howard said it was really weird when that woman said what she did. She said that sometimes you have to think about what you're saying before you say it. Robin said that was a really nasty thing to say. Howard said he could have done a whole profile on the woman and figured that she didn't have much luck with men herself with that fat ass of hers. He said that she should have left his ass alone. He wondered how she can run and have an ass so big. Robin said she wonders the same about people who work out so hard that still have big asses.
Howard said his trainer was telling him that he has to be more intense in his run but he doesn't have the energy for that.
Howard said he thinks that Lizzy's tits are real too. Artie wanted to go there but he said his computer doesn't work. Howard said that they also have a site called HollywoodTuna where they show that kind of stuff.
Howard said they show some girls with cellulite on their asses. That led to him talking about his own cellulite on his ass. Howard said that Artie must have a better ass than he does.
Howard said that he was thinking about those clips of Cousin Brucie that he played yesterday. He said that Brucie was hogging that microphone like crazy. He said he had to play some more of that rap today because he thinks that guy is insane.
Howard did his impression of Brucie doing his thing at that Beatles show at Shea Stadium and goofed on him for a short time. Howard said he liked Brucie when he came on the show but he thinks the guy is a little nuts. He said he's not sure that anyone else cares about it like he does.
Gary came in with the CD for Howard to play. He was going to get to that but Howard had taken a call so he let that guy ask his questions. The guy had a question about True Blood. He asked Howard if he thinks Sam is a werewolf. Howard said that he might be right about that. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that. Howard said that this guy might have it all figured out. He said he's pretty smart about that.
Howard asked the caller, Chuck, if he has a high IQ or something. The guy said he's just a truck driver. He said Howard turned him on to that show and he really likes it. He said he also got turned on to that ''Sons of Anarchy'' show on FX as well. Howard said he's busy watching so many other things that he hasn't seen that one.
Robin said that she saw a trailer for a movie that Richard sent her and it looked really good. That one was called ''Let The Right One In.'' Richard said that there's another one called ''Inside'' that looks really gory.
Richard said that he was thinking that the guy Sam on ''True Blood'' is a serial killer or something because he put on surgical gloves.
Benjy said that there are people speculating on the internet about Sam being a werewolf. Howard said he didn't want to know.
Howard said Jackie would use other people's toothbrushes and not get sick though. Robin said that the Purell isn't a good thing because you don't build up your immune system if you keep using it.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up Mark and Brian and said that Howard used to say that they were old and their bits were lame. Howard said he never said they were old and they didn't do bits. He said that they were just lame on the radio.
The caller was telling Howard to stop with Eric the Midget because he's really tired of hearing the same thing over and over again. Howard said that he likes Eric when he calls in because he thinks he's funny. He said that some people think he's funny and some don't. The caller said that not everyone that hates him is calling in like he is. Howard told him that Eric is a caller and he's not playing the same bit over and over. Howard hung up on the guy telling him that he sounded like an asshole.
Howard said that Eric is fascinating when he calls in and that's why he keeps taking his calls. Howard told that previous caller to go listen to Mark and Brian and save himself the hassle of hearing Eric the Midget. He said that they're still on the radio as far as he knows.
Artie said that a friend of his told him about this guy Rover that took over for Howard when they left terrestrial radio. He said that his friend said the guy is kind of doing an imitation of Howard but he's got that morning zoo kind of thing going on too. He said that he does stuff like he'll say ''We have a girl coming in with 34-D creamers.'' Artie said that kind of stuff is really creepy.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he eats at Mateo's all the time and he wondered if they ate all of that food he ordered. Howard said they ate about 90 percent of it and he got home and had to take a big dump because it was so much food.
Howard said that they have a new diet over in Japan going on that includes bananas and it's so popular that they can't find bananas anywhere over there. Howard said that the diet is bananas and warm water. Then there's a coconut diet and the coconut has fat in it so that's not good for you. There's also an apple diet but people get sick of eating the same thing over and over again.
Gary said that Sean Stewart is on that show as well. Gary said that Tawny is looking a little puffy these days. Howard said that she used to be so hot. He had a major thing for her back in the day when she was hot. He said she just doesn't look the same anymore.
Gary said that there's someone else on the show that's connected to them. Amber Smith, who was in ''Private Parts,'' is on there. She has a major opiate problem. Gary said she looks like she has a major opiate problem too. Howard said she was really hot in his movie.
Artie said that someone asked him if he'd be interested in going on that show. Artie said that he'd rather not do that show and just do stand-up in Podunk.
Howard said that Jeff Conaway has become a star again after doing the last season of that show. He's back on this season now.
Artie said that Tawny was hot in ''Bachelor Party'' back in 1984. He suggested that guys pick up that movie to check her out when she was hot.
Howard took a call from a guy down in Tampa which led to them talking about how they'd like to be in the warm weather. Robin said that Scott Greenstein was telling her that he'd like them to go to the Super Bowl down in Tampa. Howard said that he has no desire to go to do a show down there because they don't turn out to be that good. He said they have to leave all of their stuff behind and they don't have sound effects and stuff like that.
Howard said that he doesn't care if he's at the Super Bowl and his fans wouldn't care either. The caller asked Howard why he treats some of his callers like assholes like he did a little earlier. Howard said that he doesn't do that with every caller, he just points it out to the real asshole callers so they know how they're coming off on the air. Howard said he's just trying to do a good show.
Howard said that he doesn't tolerate some of that stuff on the air. He said that in his personal life he just stays away from people. That's like his hanging up on them. He said that he has people around him that piss him off and he just can't take it.
Robin said she has people around her that give other people information about her and it gets back to her and it's all messed up.
Howard said he has a friend that's always telling him what he should buy and talks about how much money he's got. He said he doesn't need that in his life.
Another caller said that he saw video of Tara Reid that's on the web right now. They show her ass looking full of cellulite and TMZ had video of her and it didn't look like that. Howard said they have a ton of pictures of her on EgoTastic where they show how bad her ass looks. He said they had about 20 shots of it too, it wasn't just one.
The caller mentioned Randy Rhodes to Howard as being a great guitar player. That led to the guys talking about the top guitar player discussion they had yesterday. Howard said he has people telling him about all of the guys he left out of his list yesterday. He said that it really doesn't matter what he says.
Howard read the e-mail he got from this one guy about Stevie Ray Vaughn and how great he was. Howard said that he was great but he was talking about the real top of the list. Fred said there are a lot of great guitar players out there but they're not going to be in that top 10 list.
Fred said he knows what he's talking about and he really doesn't know if he got roped in. He said that he told the people that he would do it only if it was okay with Beth. Howard said that he and Beth know nothing about it. Fred said he understands. Howard told him to get out of it if he doesn't want to do it.
Howard said he's going to dinner with Fred tonight. They're also taking Artie, JD and Sal with them. They wanted some other people to go but they're busy.
Howard said he heard that Dominic was out at Mateo's giving out money to people and then almost got beaten up out on the street. Howard told the story doing this voice of the guy who told him the story. That led to Artie telling a story about a guy in Hoboken who is like that.
Howard said that this Italian guy was telling him this story but the impression sounded like his Johnny Fratto impression. Howard said that he heard that Dominic is out at that place every night.
Dominic called in and said that he was out with a friend of his and they heard another guy cursing so his friend asked him to stop with the cursing around his wife. Then the two of them ended up getting into a little fight while they were trying to eat.
Dominic said that he can't eat the way he used to but Howard told him that he looks huge. Dominic said he's 236 pounds and about 5'11'' tall now. He said he's shrinking the older he gets. Howard said that Dominic is getting something down because you don't weigh 236 pounds not getting any food down.
Howard said Dominic is eating everything. Dominic said he's not eating that much. Howard told him that he eats and goes home and he's done. He said Dominic probably eats more when he goes home. Dominic said he does eat some ice cream before he goes to bed.
Dominic said that it's been six years since he had his operation and they forget that. Howard told him they forget about him as soon as he hangs up. That was Dominic's clue to get off the phone so he said goodbye.
Howard brought up this Madonna and Guy Ritchie break up and talked about how Madonna is going to end up losing half of her money since she didn't have a pre-nup. Dominic called back in and said that the pre-nup won't hold up in England where they live.
Dominic said he represented the wife of a guy who had $140 million and his wife got $35 million in cash. The guy owned stock that was worth that 140 million but now it's worth nothing and he doesn't have any money left after the divorce. Dominic said that he always demands cash because he doesn't like accepting stock. He said the wife got her 35 million and now the guy is asking for 10 million so he can live. Dominic said that she told him to go fuck himself.
Gary came in and said that Dominic called him about a client he had years ago and told him about this case and how the woman was going to be getting money from her ex for the next 10 years. She was a cashier before she got the divorce and he doesn't understand how she gets to be tied to the guy for the next 10 years. Dominic said it's the money they earn during the marriage that leads to that.
Dominic had another story about a guy who gave his wife a kidney. The wife went out and cheated on him and now she's divorcing him. Dominic said he needs to know the value of the kidney for the case. He said that the guy is very upset about that because she's using his kidney when she's banging some other guy.
Howard said that this woman being interviewed about McCain and Obama ends up bringing up how she thinks that the most important thing is who has the most faith in the lord. She said that the lord will take care of them no matter what. The woman said she has a problem with having a president by the name of Obama. She said that name means ''atheist'' to her. They had to take a break after that.
Artie said he likes Kid Rock but he thinks that he could do some original music instead of taking other songs and making them into new songs. Howard said he doesn't get why Artie and Fred get so pissed about that. He said that it's not a bad thing. Fred said that this song is just flat out taking someone else's stuff and throwing it out there like it's his.
Howard told Fred to save the conversation for tonight's dinner. Howard said that they'd be fine with it if he just did a cover of one of those songs. Artie said he's not always fine with that.
Howard said he likes listening to Coffee House on SIRIUS and they play covers of songs on there all the time. Artie said he doesn't have a problem with that either.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. He told the guys to hold off on this conversation until tonight when they go out to dinner. Robin said she went out with Fred's wife, Doug Goodstein's wife and Tim Sabean's wife last night.
Lisa said that Jillian Barberie has responded to High Pitch Mike's rant about her on the news yesterday. Jillian said that she was drunk at the moment and went off on Mike's ''Poor Man's High Pitch Eric.''
Howard asked Lisa who is watching her cat right now. Lisa said that she's still upset that she had to pay for that herself. That led to Howard reading some e-mail they got about the expenses that Lisa tried submitting for. The fans were going off on her for trying to get that kind of money out of the company. Fred said they didn't get any e-mail in support of her.
Fred said he's all for animals and loves them and he thinks that she was out of line. Lisa said that next time she's going to order a steak for $50 and not eat it and just submit it to get the money for her cat.
Howard said that Lisa couldn't mention one thing yesterday that makes her sound like fun. She said that she does some fun things and it's just the people in the news room talking about her being boring. She said she doesn't think she's boring. Howard said he's boring and doesn't do any wild shit. Robin told him he's not boring. He argued about that. He said that he works, plays chess, bangs at night and then goes to bed. He said that Artie is the exciting one gambling, doing heroin and all of that stuff.
Howard said that Artie is the one with stamina because he can do all of that and still get up in the morning to come to work. Jackie was the same way.
Gary asked Lisa what she does that's so exciting. Jon Hein asked her to give an example of what she does. Lisa said she doesn't stay out late anymore but she always feels like she's having fun. Howard told her that she's boring but so is he.
Howard said he doesn't want Lisa to do anything else, he likes that she's having a nice quiet life. Lisa said that they say that she's really boring though. Howard told her that's fine.
Howard said he heard that Lisa said that she would bang Sal on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. He quickly played the clip from the show where she said that and claimed she was serious about it.
Artie said that he wasn't in the room at the time so that's why she picked Sal. Howard said that she didn't have much of a choice of guys in the studio at the time.
Gary told Howard they had a clip of Tim Sabean talking about the expense thing and saying that he would be thrown out of the window of the 36th floor if he tried to get that expense passed. He said he'd be shot.
Lisa told Howard he doesn't know what it's like to have a cat that needs medication every day, twice a day. Howard said he did have a cat for a while.
Robin told Lisa that Jason would have taken her cat to his house. Lisa told Howard that she wants to leave it with him this weekend when she goes away.
Howard played another clip from the Wrap Up Show where the guys were choosing between Lisa G and Robin to bang. A lot of the guys were picking Lisa over Robin.
Lisa said that she spoke to a psychologist about Robin yesterday about her younger man. Artie gave Howard a quick F-Marry, Kill. He said it was Robin, Lisa G and Jason. Howard and Artie both said that they'd have to kill Jason. Artie said that he'd fuck Lisa and marry Robin.
Howard said that he heard about Robin doing some wave runner stuff and thinking about doing wave runner jumping as a sport because someone told her she hit the wave just right. Robin said she was just kidding. Artie said that he was out there doing that kind of stuff this summer and it's hard when you come crashing down. Robin said she got about 10 feet in the air and landed it perfectly and it was a lot of fun. She said she was doing it on purpose too.
Howard said Robin used to ride horses and jump them too. Robin said the wave runner thing reminded her of that. Robin said she has a race car too. She said it's a street modified race car, a Corvette, that she has in her garage. She said she loves driving that car.
Lisa said that the Page 69 guys have a medical mystery about Scott DePace getting ring worm. Howard asked how he gets something like that. Artie said that he used to drive home with Scott and his car is disgusting. He said that's probably where he got it from. DePace came in and said that Artie is crazy. Scott said he has no idea how he got it and he found it on his neck one day when he was out playing golf. The guy told him he had ring worm and he put Lamisil on it to get rid of it. He said it's disgusting but it's a fungal thing.
Howard told Scott not to shake his hand. Scott said he's clean but Artie had just talked about how disgusting his car is.
Howard said he heard that Scott just changed his name to McCain from DePace. Robin said she heard that a guy named his kid Palin McCain.
Lisa said that Beth is going to be hosting the Worlds Ugliest Dog contest that's on this weekend. She's also running in the NYC Marathon on November 2nd. Howard let Lisa go after that.
Robin asked Howard if he's doing anything special for Beth after she runs the marathon. Howard said she's just going home to rest after that.
Howard said he had to take a break but he had to check out Bobo's mullet. Howard said that people make web sites about how goofy mullets look. Bobo said he did it for the show but Howard said he's full of it and wears that all the time.
Bobo said he was just looking for a new style. Howard told him to lose the hair piece already. Bobo said that he doesn't think he looks 55 years old but Howard said he looks about 49-50 and it's not that far off. Bobo said that he looks 10 years older if he has his hair off.
Howard checked out Bobo's mullet from behind and he said he could see where the real hair begins and ends. Bobo said that God is mean the way he gives them hair on their balls and back and all of that but not on top of his head. He said he's even got hair in his ears.
Howard said that Bobo is going to have Richard playing Butt Bongo on his ass so he can try to guess what Metallica songs he's playing on his ass. If Bobo loses he has to take his fake hair off.
Bobo said it's kind of tough wearing that thing on his head. He said that they have to service the hair sometimes and that's the only time it comes off usually. He said they put you in a private room so no one sees you.
Howard said that Bobo looks kind of like Joan Jett in the 1980s. He said they have a picture of him up on HowardStern.com. They went to break after that.
KC said that he's still not right. KC was giggling when Howard said that he went mental. KC said they gave him plenty of chances but they had to let him go. Howard said that broke his heart.
Robin said that she went and met with KC at his apartment. He was okay that day that she was there. KC said he was writing in a bible with his own blood and he was really out of his mind at the time.
KC said that he's been going to church lately. Howard said that sounds about as crazy as the other stuff he's done. KC said he's lacking in something and he might have been wrong about a lot of things. Howard said he thinks he's right about that.
KC said he hates Catholicism and thinks it's the evil of the world. He said that doesn't mean he doesn't believe in god. He said it's a long conversation. Howard said that he'll pass on that conversation but Robin said she would listen to him. She loves crazy people and she could listen to them all day long.
KC said he thinks that it comes down to the personal relationship you have with god. Howard said that KC's favorite song used to be ''God Hates Us All.''
Artie came in late and said he didn't know that KC was into god now. He said that's better than coke.
Howard asked KC what was going through his mind when he was writing in his bible with blood. KC said he was desecrating it because it was impure. He said he saw through the bullshit and he was just showing it by writing in the bible with blood.
Howard asked KC how crazy he was when they had to get rid of him. KC said he was ready to take himself out around that time and he was a mess. KC said that he's gambling now and he never did use anything when he was mental. Robin said he's lying about that. KC said he never did crack, cocaine or meth. He was using Ritalin and taking steroids though.
KC said that he went to rehab and it wasn't for him. He said he doesn't have a drinking problem and that's what the guy told him at rehab.
Howard said he's heard some stuff about KC. He's got a girlfriend and they've been banned from 5 hotels in California. He heard that he just crashed a rented Cadillac Escalade. KC said that truck was nice too. Howard said he's amazed that he was able to get another rental after the last one he rented and didn't return for 3 months.
Howard said KC ended up calling the cops on his ex-girlfriend for stealing his dog and the cops ended up arresting KC instead. KC said they came down and started asking him about his suspended license instead of arresting the girlfriend.
KC is talking about getting married now. He said she's a trainer and a model and they end up getting naked and wrestle together. KC said that she really puts up a fight in the wrestling. KC said he's trying to have sex with her during the wrestling and it's almost like a rape scenario that they're doing. KC said that's kind of creepy.
KC said that he hasn't spoken to his brother since he was last arrested. KC said he was arrested for stealing a car and his brother ended up yelling at him for getting arrested for that. KC said his brother told him he can't live his life like that. KC said he knows that but he didn't invite him out there to be a part of it.
Artie said his brother loves him very much. KC said the guy hasn't called him since May or June. He said he doesn't need to be yelled at by his brother.
Artie and Howard told KC that the guy is trying to help him because he loves him so much. KC said he doesn't need that in his life though.
Artie said he met KC at his apartment one time and he spoke to his brother's face and he saw that he was worried about him. He could tell he really cares about him too. He told KC to try to rekindle that whole thing because he does care.
Howard said that when you see your kid brother getting arrested it upsets the guy. KC said he doesn't like jail, it's not like he wants to go there.
KC said he's doing a reality show shoot now and they follow him around as he's trying to find himself or find God or whoever.
KC said that there's this woman Roxanne doing the documentary thing with him and she did the show Intervention. They're filming it now but he's not sure where it's going to air. KC said he's not even sure who they're taping it for. Artie said they tape it and try to sell it later. Howard said they don't do that these days, they usually sell it first. KC said that he's not getting paid to do it, unless you count blow jobs as payment.
Howard said that KC sent him this vodka that he's endorsing. KC said he's working in promotions for them. KC said they're looking for people to distribute for them out in New York and New Jersey. You can find out more at SzamVodka.com. KC is also doing some training now for people so he's looking to do that to make some money. He gets $300 an hour to train people. Howard said that' good money and asked if he has clients. KC said that he does have a few.
Artie told KC to call him with his new number. Howard told KC to send him some naked pictures of his new girlfriend. The girlfriend was there and she said no when KC asked if he could do that.
Howard told KC to have sex with the chick while they listened in. KC put the phone down and went for it. Howard listened in and heard KC laughing like a maniac.
Howard said he couldn't hear anything, except for KC laughing. Howard said she must be tickling him or something. KC told the girlfriend that they weren't on the phone but she must have known they were. She may have hung up on them. Then Howard heard some noise and they hadn't hung up. Howard heard some noise coming from the chick. There was something going on there.
Howard said he doesn't think that KC can get it up. KC was lying to the chick telling her that they weren't listening in so Howard said it might be best if they just hung up.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that when they have this asshole on the air they're not helping their case about A-list guests. Howard said that he's a former employee and a friend so that's why they had him on.
Howard talked to Artie about the Woodstock concert a bit. Artie said that it was pretty wild. Howard said that he had to take another break before getting to Bobo. He said he was really looking forward to doing this thing. He said he wants to see the Butt Bongo thing and he thinks that Bobo is going to lose and he'll have to take his wig off. Richard came in and said that he hopes that he knows the early years of Metallica songs because that's what he'll be playing on his ass.
Artie said that Richard always has to gay it up even more than he has to. He said that he's going to have Bobo over his knee to do this thing. Artie said that's really gay and he doesn't have to stick him over his knee.
Artie said they should just pay Bobo to take that thing off his head. Richard said he used to rip up old carpet as a carpenter so he'd be good at that. Howard said that Bobo has a whole procedure he has to do to get that thing off his head so they can't just rip it off. They went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about the dinner Howard is doing tonight. That led to Howard asking Benjy not to sit next to him or stare at him. Benjy said he'd be blindfolded if he wants. Howard said that might work. He said he really doesn't care where they sit or anything. They're all going to have a good time tonight.
Howard played an old clip of Bobo calling in trying to get them to help him get on Deal or No Deal and offered to do anything on the show to get on. He said he'd eat dark chocolate out of Richard's ass. Howard was having problems with the mics in the studio. He got that straightened out and moved on to more phone calls.
One caller said that he saw Beth on Howard TV and she's smoking hot in her episode. Richard asked if he masturbates to his own wife. Howard said that he actually has done that when she goes away. He said the episode with his parents and Beth in the studio is up on Howard TV now.
The caller asked Howard what he will do if Beth gets some kind of fat condition. Howard said he will break up with her.
Howard said he had the Metallica tickets with him already and Bobo will walk out with them if he wins today. Bobo handed him something to clean his glasses with and Howard asked him what the fuck he's doing. He told Bobo he's figured out how to clean his own glasses.
Howard told Bobo about the tickets he was going to win and then told him that he had to do something to win them. He asked Bobo to remove his ponytail and just let the mullet be a mullet. Bobo did that and then Howard had him pull down his pants so he could have Richard play butt bongo on his ass.
Bobo took down his pants and everyone let out a yell of horror when they saw what was going on down there. Bobo said his wife is the big Metallica fan and he's doing this for her. Howard said that Bobo's penis was resting on Richard's lap now. Richard said he has to throw those pants out now.
Howard had Richard do his thing with the butt bongo thing. Bobo got the song wrong when he said it was Dyer's Eve. It was actually ''Blackened.''
Howard had Richard do the second song. Richard slapped the crap out of Bobo's ass and he guessed it was ''Photograph'' but it was ''For Whom The Bell Tolls.'' Bobo was 0 for 2 so far. Will said that Bobo's ass looked like pudding or something.
Richard went on to the next song and Howard told him that he had to get this one right or he was out. Richard played the song and it was an easy one but Bobo got it wrong again. Howard asked the guys if they knew what it was. Everyone in the studio knew it was ''One.'' Richard played some more of it on Bobo's ass as they played the actual song.
Artie said that Bobo sitting there with his mullet was like the cover of ''Loser'' magazine. He also told Richard to play guitar on his penis. Howard said it would be funny if a turd came out of Bobo as Richard was doing that.
Howard told Bobo that it was time to see his piece come off. Will said that they were doing 2 out of 5 so Howard let him play some more. He had Richard go into his next song. Richard pounded away on his ass and Bobo took a guess that it was ''Enter Sandman'' and got it wrong. It was actually ''Dyer's Eve.''
Howard said that Bobo had to take his toupee off now. Bobo didn't sound too happy about that but he went ahead and did it. He said it hurt when he was pulling it off because it was pulling his scalp. Bobo was grunting and saying that they have a whole thing they do at the hair place so they can get it off.
Bobo said they have a technique they use to get it off and he wasn't having any luck getting it off. It eventually pulled off and the guys started to laugh. They all let out laughs and cringed when he pulled it off finally.
Howard told Bobo to take it easy there. He told Bobo that he could lose the rug and he'd look the same. Gary said he's got a funny shaped head. Will said that the smell was awful under there. Richard took a smell and said it must be the sweat.
Howard said that was rough seeing him take that thing off. Artie said that he didn't think he looked that bad. Bobo pulled it the rest of the way off after Howard asked him to. Bobo said that he'd only do this for this show.
Bobo said that it's not fair that he doesn't have his hair anymore. Artie said that he looks like the guy on the subway that helps Patrick Swayze out when he become a ghost in ''Ghost.''
Howard said that maybe Bobo looks better with the piece on. Richie Wilson said they had some wigs for him to try on. He tried one on and a caller said he looked like Joe Dirt in the pictures on the web site.
Richard picked up the toupee and asked Howard if he wanted to smell it. Howard he wasn't going to do that. Howard asked Scott to come in and try on the wig. Scott said he wasn't going to put that nasty thing on his head. He used to have a toupee himself and he doesn't want that thing on there.
Scott told Bobo that he should give up the wig and just shave his head. They were still trying on more wigs. He tried on a red one and Artie said he looked like ''Ugly Everhart.'' They had an Indian headdress on his head too and said that one might work for him.
Howard took another call from a guy who wanted Howard TV but he doesn't have it in his area. Howard said he should move or fly about 1000 miles to see it.
Another caller said that Bobo was a fag and told him not to let Scott touch the tickets because that will make the band break up.
Howard told Bobo he put himself thorough the paces and gave him the tickets that they got for him. The show is in February. Artie told him that they were from 2007. Howard said the tickets came from GetConcertTickets.com
Doug Goodstein came in and said that they wanted to put chocolate frosting on Bobo's head and maybe pour some sprinkles on his head. Bobo was fine with that. Bobo asked for some money or something too so Howard gave him that. He gave him $500 courtesy of ManGroomer.com. They went to break after that.
Howard said he has to keep tabs on Beth when she's doing stuff like that. He said he had to get to Mike Walker next. He said he also had a guy on the phone who had brackets for the hot chicks at his wedding.
Mike was on the phone so Howard gave him some plugs and got to the game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard picked story 3 as the fake one. Robin went with number 1, Artie with 3 and Fred with 2. The actual false story was number two. They took another break after the game.
Howard asked them some questions and found out they've been going out a year and a half. Jamie was 5'11'' and Howard picked up on that pretty quick. He asked her what she does for a living. She's an environmental scientist. Howard thought that was kind of cool. He asked her what she got on her SAT. She didn't know. Howard said that's okay because most smart people don't know what they got, only the dumb ones remember.
Howard asked where Jamie went to school and she went to the University of the Pacific in California. Howard had never heard of it. He said that she does sound smart to him though. He told her that she must have scientists coming on to her all the time.
Howard talked to Jamie about her research and said that she must look good in a bikini too. She said that she does. Howard said that this guy is lucky to have this chick. He said it must be hard for her to find a good dude because she's hot but also a smart chick.
Howard asked Jamie about what she finds in her research of what's in the ground. She said that they've found a lot of ammunition and things like that on land where they had military bases and things like that. She said they do the research for developers. Howard said it would be cool to date a scientist like that because they could tell you a lot of stuff. Artie said ''Yeah, like 'go fuck yourself.''
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what he thought of Anna Paquin's tits on ''True Blood.'' Howard said he thought they were nice but it's weird to see her all grown up after seeing her as a kid in movies. He said that he figured that she'd be the last one to rip her top off for any movie or TV show. He said it turns out he was wrong.
Howard was talking about his kids and how they're very smart and will probably go on to do some cool jobs too. He said that an Environmental Scientist is pretty cool. Robin said that she met Carey out in California before he was going out with Jamie. Howard said it's too bad she didn't know her when he was single.
Steve said they have a story about Kenneth Keith Kallenbach who died 6 months ago. They also have some news about Riley Martin talking about renewing his contract with Howard 101. Howard said that's what he's been saying and he thinks that Riley isn't going anywhere.
Howard said he got a note from a guy who said that Riley can't make that kind of money anywhere else for working just one hour a week. Howard said that no one else is gong to pay him $400 an hour.
Steve said that Gilbert Gottfried was having problems getting his waiter's attention at a restaurant so he had to do his Afflack Duck impression to get their attention.
Jon Hein gave his Wrap Up Show preview next. Jon ran down his list of subjects they were going to try and cover today.
Howard asked Artie if he has any requests for who he wants to sit next to. Artie didn't seem to care but he said he'd sit next to Benjy if he wanted. Fred said he'd take that bullet too. Benjy said he doesn't care where he sits so they can put him anywhere and maybe rotate everyone around him. JD came in and said he'd sit next to him if he wanted.
Howard ended up talking to JD for a few minutes about what he's going to talk to him about tonight. JD didn't know what to talk about but he said he'd talk about movies and stuff. Howard and Fred were doing their impressions of JD and goofing on him a little bit. Howard told him he needs to change before dinner though. JD said that he was planning on doing that.
Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone next. Howard told him that he's not going on his web site anymore because it's horrible over there. Mutt said that the fans are upset some days and happy on other days. Howard said that they're supposed to be his fans on there and they're brutal. Mutt said he gets the same thing on his own site.
Mutt said that they're going to have Tim Sabean on the show tonight (at 7pm on Howard 101) to answer any questions the fans have for him. Mutt said he thinks that they're going to get a lot of calls about the Friday shows. Howard said Tim has all kinds of theories about the Friday stuff.
Howard asked Carey if he thought that Jamie was going to be bad in bed based on how smart she was. Carey didn't really give an answer. Jamie said that she enjoys sex and they don't have any problems in bed. Howard asked Jamie if maybe she and Robin could hook up one night. Jamie didn't sound interested in that but she said she is open to new things.
Howard found out that Jamie lost her virginity at 16. She said that she was pretty developed at that time when Howard asked about that. Howard asked if she ever did any modeling. She never did so Artie said she's too smart for that. Howard said they have something in common then because he's never done any modeling either.
Robin started off her news with a story about some other call girls who are claiming that Elliot Spitzer was a client. Artie said he's seen his other whore down at the shore and he's got to get her to come over and hang at his place at the shore.
Howard told Jamie and Carey that Robin is dating a younger man and they didn't seem to know that. Howard told them that he's like 25 years old. Artie said that the guy was born the same year they started at K-Rock. Robin said that Artie is sick. Artie said that's true though.
Robin got back to her news and had some stuff about the William Shatner fight with George Takei. They played some of the audio that they played yesterday.
Robin read some news about Barack Obama and his grandmother. She had some audio clips of him talking about some attacks that are being made on his campaign. She had some audio of the McCain campaigners making calls to people telling them that Obama is known to have hung out with known terrorists. Howard made up his own stuff after hearing those calls. He said they could make up anything they wanted to so they could scare people off from voting for the guy. Howard and Artie were both making up stuff that McCain's people could tell people in those calls.
Robin had a story that might work with a Jackie laugh. She read a story about a woman who confessed to having killed her 2 month old son. Fred threw in the Jackie laugh that a caller asked for earlier in the week. Fred threw in a few of the laughs while she read the awful story.
Howard said he got an e-mail from someone who asked that they leave Jackie alone on the show. Howard said Jackie probably doesn't mind them bringing him up. Howard said they got an e-mail from someone who suggested they have Bob Levy read bedtime stories on the air for them.
Robin read a story about this guy who sued a cleaning company for $54 million when they lost his pants. The case was thrown out but a court of appeals has agreed to hear the case again. Howard said that's too bad. The guy doesn't deserve that kind of money for pants.
Robin said there's a new phone coming out called the Blackberry Bold. Howard said he's not switching phones again, he just got his working. He said he's not going to try anything new. He said he hates that there are cameras in phones and it's like carrying around a Swiss Army knife. He said the phone cameras are ruining his life. Robin said there's a new Google phone out too. She said that the google people put one out.
Howard said that they can book some Miss Russia pageant chicks to do the show and they're pretty hot. He read some of the names of the girls and they were pretty hard to pronounce. One of them was Olga Kagaritskaya or something like that. Howard said he might have to get them in there.
Howard said that they should invite them on and do the show at night so the show is like a brothel and say that they thought they were going to have sex with the chicks. Howard said he wants to be with that Olga chick. Artie said they were pretty hot. He told Howard to book them. Howard said he'd do that. He wondered if they'd let them butt bongo their asses. He said they could do that and then offer them Yakof Smirnoff tickets.
Robin wondered what happened to Yakoff. Artie said he opened his own club in Branson, Missouri. They sell out all the time too. Richard said that he used to live out in that area and the billboards are hilarious out there for that club. They have everyone come there.
Howard said he'd like to book a club and call it The Butt Bongo theater. He said that they couldn't stop him from doing that out there. He figured they could bomb the club or something but he wouldn't be there anyway so who cares?
Robin read some of the guests they have out there at the club and there was quite a variety of people. Richard said the place is like a 2000 seat theater. Richard said Branson is about 45 minutes from Springfield where he used to live. Howard said they should go out there and interview people to find out what kind of business they're doing.
Robin read a story about the Olsen twins being on the Oprah Winfrey show. She said they have a new book out to promote. Howard said he thinks that Oprah is going to ambush them in that way only she can do. Robin had some audio of the girls talking about how tired of the attention they are. Howard said they wouldn't be on Oprah if they were tired of the attention.
Robin had some audio of Julianne Hough talking about getting sick on the set of Dancing with the Stars. Robin also brought up the new Guns N Roses album that's coming out. Howard said he knows that it's going to come out and suck. He said no one is going to care. Robin had some cuts from the album so she had Howard play those. Howard said that they worked on this thing for like 17 years. Howard said he was kind of digging it so far after hearing about 20 seconds of the first song. Artie liked it too. Then Howard played the second song and Artie said it was awful. Robin said she saw them once and it was one of the greatest shows she ever saw. She said that it was worth the wait.
Howard said that the album sounds okay to him. He said it's no Mr. Brownstone but he liked what he was hearing.
Artie said that he's trying to see this movie Bird that he saw years ago and he wondered where he can find it. Howard told him that Netflix might have it. He told him that if he wants to buy it he should go to Amazon.com.
Robin said that Carol Alt is going to be in Playboy. Howard said he saw those pictures one night when Carol showed them to him on her cell phone. Howard said that she looks good. They also talked about how Carol's marriage ended because she wasn't able to have kids because of cancer. Howard said that sounds like the perfect woman for him though. Howard said that he gets horny when he hears ''hysterectomy from cancer.''
Robin read a story about Richard Branson trying to break a record for some kind of boating thing. Howard read some headlines from The Onion that he thought were pretty good. Howard read a bunch of the headlines and had the guys cracking up at those.
Robin said that smoking might be affecting people's memories. Artie said that he and Denis Leary are still smart and they smoke like crazy. Fred threw in a clip of Gary the Retard saying ''I'm retarded you jerk!'' as they were talking about that.
At one point Howard played some audio of Yackof Smirnoff's act and no one was laughing. Howard said that he doesn't think anyone was inspired to go into comedy by that guy. Robin read a couple more stories and wrapped up with some audio of Samuel L. Jackson talking about the late Bernie Mac. They ended the show a short time later around 10:40am.
Gary said that he wanted to see Bobo's head but Bobo said that he has a weird looking head and he was kind of right. He said his head looked like something from the Twilight Zone episode ''To Serve Man.''
Gary said he didn't know that the mullet part was his real hair, he thought that the wig was part of that. The guys talked about how disturbing it was to see him with that thing off his head.
Will said that it was disgusting to see him with his pants there. Jon played a clip from the segment where Richard was doing his butt bongo thing.
Will said he thinks there's something off with Bobo and he thinks he might be a little slow or something. Gary said that's not true. Will said he hates Bobo as a caller to the show too.
Gary asked if Bobo is a Wack Packer or just a regular caller. Jon said he's kind of both but probably more of a regular caller.
The guys also talked about Scott the Engineer's wig that he used to wear and how he gave up on it after he refused to pay the monthly fee.
The guys also talked about the frosting they put on Bobo's head. Doug Goodstein came in and said that they found the sprinkles and threw them on there.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that they call the kind of hair style he has a ''skullett.'' They spent a short time on that.
Richard talked about how his own shaved head was kind of freaking him out so he gave up on that. He said that he started growing it back.
Jon took a call from a guy who got cut off in the middle of his call. Richard talked about how they ripped off Dr. Neil Berliner's wig down at a comedy show one night. His came off much easier than Bobo's did.
Richard said that you can get surgery for your hair now too. Gary said that it doesn't look normal though. It looks like corn rows when they do it like that. Steve Grillo had that done and his head looked kind of weird after it was done.
A caller said that Richard's drumming was great and he thought that any Metallica fan could have picked up on what songs he was playing. Richard said he did what he could with his two hands. He said that Lars was a great drummer back in the 80s and he thinks he peaked when he did the album that Dyer's Eve was on.
Gary asked if they're the same band now that they were back then. Richard said that they have gone back to doing the really hard stuff that they used to and the fans are probably happy they did that.
Jon took some more calls and let some more people comment on what was going on with the Bobo segment. One guy told Richard he should wear a bandana on his head. The guys talked about some other people who do that but don't really pull it off.
A caller said that Bobo isn't really a Wack Packer and he would put him in with Irish John and Mariann from Brooklyn. That led to the guys talking about how they think JD is the closest guy to a Wack Packer working there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Bobo was an idiot for not knowing the ''Dyer's Eve'' song because they gave him the answer during the game. The guy said that he didn't know that they had just talked about it on the show.
JD came in and said that he was never a Wack Packer type and would never hang out like that. Richard said he wonders what his name would be if he was a Wack Packer.
Gary said that most of the guys there were super fans of the show before they started working there. Jon Hein, Richard Christy, Sal, Shuli and JD were all big fans before they came to work there. Shuli came in and talked about that a little bit.
Jon asked who has to worry the most tonight at dinner. Gary was saying that Benjy might have to worry because he has Howard on him all the time about what he does.
Benjy said that he got yelled at about what he did to Lisa G when he tripped over her wire. He said that no matter what he does he's always on the wrong end of it.
Will said he gets tired of Benjy crying about this stuff because he kind of created it himself. He's gotten into trouble for stuff that he did do and that's why he's always got attention on him like that.
Benjy said that he hates that Howard says he's not a good conversationalist. He said that he can have just as good of a conversation with a stranger as Howard could. He said that the person on the phone would feel just as engaged with him as they would with Howard. Richard said that he does listen to the little things you say so he is very attentive to that stuff.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about the top 10 list of guitarists that they did yesterday. He asked Richard to give his top 5 drummers. Richard said it would be kind of boring because a lot of the guys no one has even heard of. He mentioned a few names of people he's impressed with and talked about why he thinks they're so great.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked Richard about Coheed and Cambria and wondered if he was the one making the bumpers that they play that feature them. Richard said that he does do some of those. He said that the drummer in that band is really good too. He said that tonight they're playing his favorite album in the world. He said that he'd love to go to that dinner but he can't miss that concert.
Benjy asked him if Richard was serious about wearing diapers at the concert. Richard said it is. Benjy said he saw him walking around out in the hall wearing them and he wondered if he was serious about it. Richard said he asked if he could have like 3 of them because he's going to 3 more Coheed shows and he doesn't want to go to the bathroom. He said he's going to wear them and he's serious about that. Richard said he's going to be drinking beer and it's not a bit.
Gary said that they make a condom that goes over your dick and it goes to a tube on your leg. Richard said that he'd be in trouble if someone moshed into him at the concert if he wore one of those.
Jon asked Richard if he was wearing a diaper when they went to see Rush. Richard said he wasn't because they have a few songs he could go to the bathroom during. He said that he can hold a piss until he can't hold it anymore and then he'll go to the bathroom.
The guys told Richard about how heavy the diaper gets when you pee in it and how Richard is going to be walking around in that. Richard said that he's going to be wearing really tight jeans too so that should be interesting.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Richard about who his famous porn star is and what he thinks about Slim Jim Finn from the Stray Cats. Richard said he was good and mentioned a couple of other guys that he thought were great like Keith Moon.
Richard said he likes this chick Madison who was in porn in the 1990s. He said that Peter North glazes her face in one of the movies and it was great. He said that he might be doing another Inside the Porn Actors Studio thing when they're out in Vegas for the AVN awards. Jon had to go to break after that.
Will said that it was a weird time when KC was doing his thing and there was a lot of back stabbing going on at that time. He said they can't get into details about that but there was a lot of people getting hurt. Gary said that he really felt hurt around that time and it wasn't a good thing.
Gary said that he took KC under his arm when they started there and he never saw it coming when all of that stuff went down.
Will said that you never know when KC is telling you bullshit or not. Gary said that it fucked up their office really bad back then because they were on their way to do a Vegas show and KC was really important to helping out and it just fucked it all up. Gary said that's why he, Jason and Will got closer around that time.
Gary said that KC was having a weird relationship but that wasn't really why he got fired. There were other things going on with KC drinking and doing drugs and stuff like that. He said there was one day when KC came in and threatened suicide and just left. He said he got really scared about that and worried when he left. He said Tom (Chiusano) went to his apartment and the cops were called and KC was in his apartment putting blood on a bible.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking to KC about going to church now and how he thinks he may have been wrong in the past about certain things.
Jon asked if Robin has a thing for KC. Gary said she always liked him and thought he was good looking. He said that Robin did like him on a level that he liked him as a close friend. He said that he's not sure if Robin would be trying to bang him if he was still there though.
Will said that Howard loved KC too and they thought that he could do nothing wrong. Gary said that there were some dark sides to KC back then too and they used to hear those stories. There were definitely two sides to the guy.
Shuli said he remembers hearing those things and how he was spiraling down around that time. He said that even Robin said that it wasn't the same KC when he snapped and yelled at Howard.
Benjy said that he and KC started around the same time there but he was only an intern. He said he remembered the book report that KC wrote when he was a kid about killing someone. Gary said that KC was into some heavy stuff and he'd find stuff to make you think he was dark but it turns out he really was that dark.
Will said that KC was two different guys. He was funny on the air but he'd go to his office and not talk to anyone. He said that he couldn't relate to KC in any way even though they had sports in common. He said that he figured he was crazy when they didn't have anything to talk about.
Gary said that KC was great at what he did for them and he'd go home after a few hours but KC would leave right after the show. He said that he needed someone to answer phones and stuff. He said KC would lie to him and tell him that he was working until like 2 but other people told him that he'd leave at 11 and he was never there until the time he asked him to be there.
Jon asked about this woman that KC said that he was going to marry. Gary said that KC is going to have a problem if he ever does get married. He said that he's going to have to find another way to get things done when he starts to lose his looks. Gary said that KC is a funny guy and very talented but he's like a hot chick with the looks he has.
Richard said that old guys don't always loose their looks. Guys can get old and still look good. Women don't have it that easy.
The guys talked about what happened to KC and were very vague about what went on there when KC left. They weren't saying exactly what happened but mentioned drugs and the lies that he was telling them there. Gary said he felt betrayed by KC because of the things they were doing.
Gary said he doesn't think KC did it as a personal thing, he just couldn't help himself. Gary said he remembers telling Tom that KC had an illness and they need to get him some help. That was the first time, the second time wasn't the same.
Ralph said that no one would have put up with this stuff if he wasn't so good looking. He said that no one would have give a shit if he wasn't a good looking dude. He said that they're swooning over the guy because he was so good looking. Gary said he felt like KC was like a little brother to him. He said he thought of him like that and he never had a pal like that before.
Gary said that people say he's the same way with Jason and Will now. Gary said he likes Jason as much as he liked KC and he's not as good looking as him.
Ralph said that if it was JD who did all of that stuff, they wouldn't have been surprised. They would have just said that they expected him to fall.
Ralph was also saying that the chick in the studio during the news must have been really hot because Howard and Artie were really trying hard to impress her.
Jon let Ralph go and took some more calls. One guy asked if they would hire KC back to do what he did in the past. Gary said it depends on what his job would be there. He said that Howard might hire him back if he wanted a job there but it wouldn't be the same job he had.
Gary said that he couldn't say if KC was fired or if he quit. He said they really liked the guy though. Richard said he had KC's poster hanging up in his place for a while.
Jon asked Richard what other posters he's hung in his apartment. Richard said he had the one poster of him showing his abs. He said he bought his buddy one and his buddy bought him one as well. They didn't even know they were doing that for each other.
Richard said that if he were homo he would probably go for KC. He said that he'd probably be the woman and KC would throw him down and bang him in the butt. Gary wondered if he would break the headboard at a hotel and leave cock rings around like KC was saying during his interview.
Gary said they had this girl who worked for them and she'd come back and tell them about guys she fucked when she was on vacation. Lisa G isn't going to do that.
Benjy said that this is kind of a ridiculous conversation. He was saying that people enjoy different things and you can't judge people on what they think is fun.
Gary said that Lisa wasn't able to tell him what she does for fun. She didn't have one example. Jon said that Howard was talking about watching TV and how that's fun for him.
Richard said that Ronnie seems to be the ''funnest'' guy there. He said that he doesn't care what anyone thinks about what he's doing. Gary said that no matter what Ronnie does at an event, it won't stop him from doing it again when he goes to another one.
Jon said that Robin has a new hobby and it's wave runner jumping. He asked what that was all about. Gary said that she couldn't break her neck doing anything else so now she's doing this.
The guys were talking about Robin dating the younger guy and that led to them talking about the conversation they had about who they'd bang, Robin or Lisa G. Will said that he thinks that Robin would be really wild in bed. Gary said he thinks that he'd make Lisa wild in bed.
Jon took a call from a guy who tried to do an impression of Ralph. The guy wasn't very good so they took a call from the real Ralph and let him give his thought on Robin's wave runner thing. He said that she probably hit a 2 foot wave and thinks that she did a huge jump. He said when she hits a real wave she's going to be done. They ended the show a short time later.