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Howard started off the show talking about how Artie was compliments him on his outfit this morning but he had to take his jacket off because it was so hot in the studio this morning. He said that it's supposed to be an ensemble but he can't keep the jacket on. Artie said that it was a cool outfit and asked him where it came from. Howard said it's a Belstaf and he figured that Robin would know that brand.
Howard said he likes one of the leather jackets that Fred wears and he figured it was a Harley jacket. Fred said that's probably what it was but the other one he thought Howard liked was a Gap leather jacket.
Robin brought up the Rambo movie that Howard was talking about so positively last week and said that she didn't like it. She said that he looked like ''Granbo'' and looked odd playing that character. A caller told Howard that he liked it and disagreed with Robin about it. He said that the action scenes in the movie were amazing. He said he liked that and he went to see ''Cloverfield'' and loved that one too.
Howard said he went to see ''No Country for Old Men'' and loved that too. He said he's not sure how these movies get lost the way they do when they're so cool. Howard said that it was about a crazy murderer and it was really good. Artie said that he was the one who recommended it to Howard and he really liked it too.
The caller on the line told Howard that he likes it better when they don't have guests on the show and they just talk and have a good time. He asked Fred about a moment on the History of Howard Stern when they played a song for Howard. Fred said he was asking the wrong guy but the caller said some of the lyrics and Robin knew that it was ''Pusher Man'' by Curtis Mayfield. Fred dug up the song from their library and played it for the guy.
Howard was wondering why the callers on his show always talk over them there while on other radio shows don't talk over the hosts. He said he's had that problem for a long time now, even back in the K-Rock days.
Howard talked about the old porn stores that used to exist before the internet. He said he never went to one himself but he can't imagine going into one and shop for porn. Artie said that he and his friends used to go into the city to 42nd street and there was actually a guy out on the street who was like a carnival barker yelling out ''Pussy, pussy, pussy!'' as he was trying to get people into the store.
Howard talked about how Rudy Giuliani was the guy who cleaned up 42nd street when he was in office. He talked about how much of a mess it used to be in the past.
Howard said that Gary was telling Artie that he's going to see everything in the window in the red light district over there, including a 70 year old hooker. Howard said he can't imagine why anyone would want anyone that old. Artie said that he is looking into getting some whores when he's over there. Howard said he could never go to one, he's too bummed out by it.
Howard said he could never have intercourse with a hooker because he knows that she's been with other guys. He said that he'd be thinking about how they're not really into him and how it was all a lie. Artie said that it doesn't matter for him, if the chick is hot he doesn't care. He said that there have been some girls in the past who have been really cool with him. He told them about one of the whores he had out in Vegas and how cool she was to him.
Howard said that some guys do end up marring their hooker and it is a way to meet someone. He said that you'd have to worry about them when they say they're going out for the evening though. Artie said that he knew a guy who dated a whore and the guy didn't care that she was hooking. He said that she was like 20 years old and very cute and she'd go out and work for a weekend and come back and tell him stories about the famous guys she'd fuck.
Howard said that whole thing had no point and it's just bizarre for him to say the things he was saying. Artie said that he thinks that Sal was just trying to be funny and maybe it wasn't working for him.
Howard said that Richard tried this thing with some clips of David Lee Roth singing ''Running with the Devil'' in the original recording sessions. He played the clip where Roth is singing and it wasn't all that bad. Richard took those clips and put the lyrics to the music of ''I Love Rock And Roll.'' Howard played that and it was kind of close to that tune and kind of fit in there, but not quite.
Robin said that it's kind of funny when they have someone singing alone in a room during a recording session. That led to Howard playing one of the clips where Robin was singing a song for Stuttering John's album in an isolated room.
Howard said that Wendy the Retard is still asking for an xBox 360. He said that she keeps leaving messages about this even though she promised to not ask for anything for a while. She was complaining about her friends making fun of her for not having the 360. She accused them of using her and sounded very bummed out about the whole thing. Howard said that he thought that she was using him by calling in and asking for stuff all the time.
In another voice mail a caller told the guys about something that was ripped off from the show. He said that it was something about the Miss America contestants being followed around in a reality show and that's something that Howard suggested on the show many years ago. Howard said that happens a lot to him.
Howard said that he had a weird blooper thing from a show where a guy wishes a coach ''good sex'' instead of good success or something like that. He wasn't able to get out of it either. The guy said ''continued good sex... good sex in the Big East...''
Artie mentioned that there was a picture of Lindsay Lohan in the paper today and she looks angelic. Robin told him that he should be out trying to get her instead of being there.
Howard said he went out to a chess club yesterday and that was the first time he's ever gone to one. He said that for him to go anywhere, it's like a lunar landing. He's very nervous about going out anywhere because of the tremendous fears that he has about everything. He said that once he goes out he ends up having a great time. He said his daughter actually went with him and walked him there because she knew that he was afraid to go on his own.
Howard said that there was this little 7 year old playing against an old guy and it was very weird. He said he played a couple of games with the president of the club and the guy kicked his ass. He said that it's like being a beginner again playing live against someone. Robin said that's what she was afraid of with him. She said that he has to play live against people to be able to go out and play that well.
Artie and Robin think that Howard could have a good time going out to one of those clubs every week. Howard said that he's not sure about that. Artie went on to say that he'd love to be able to do something like that himself. Robin said that she used to go out and meet a friend to play racquetball every week and she loved it.
Howard said that he had this guy Anthony over to help him out with some new suits. Ralph came over and was hanging around and he ended up breaking one of his awards that he had on his desk when he knocked it off. He said that Ralph ended up blaming the set up of the desk in the room. He said that it sat there for 2 years before that but Ralph comes in and breaks it.
Howard said that he was going out to a place called Ariel with Beth last week and when Ronnie asked him where he was going, he told him it was called ''Areola'' just to goof on him and see how many people he'd tell. He said that he did tell his driver what it was called and the driver thought that was pretty funny.
Howard asked Artie what he did over the weekend. He said he actually saw Ronnie out at one of his comedy shows on Thursday night. He saw him and Toni Coburn (Howard's hair stylist) out at one of those shows too.
Howard played a clip from the red carpet coverage where Joey Fattone was asking a woman some questions and they weren't that bad. Then he played a clip of Lisa talking to Casey Affleck and having pretty much nothing to say. She wouldn't let Casey talk and kept asking him questions about herself. When she did ask an interesting question, Casey told her that it was one of the questions that she wasn't supposed to ask. Then she asked him about the kind of gum he was chewing. Howard said that was one of the better interviews she did.
Robin said she flew out to Los Angeles and was on the plane with Wanda Sykes and John Hurley and she thinks that he has a young wife and a little baby. She said that was very odd to see a guy with white hair walking down the aisle with a baby like that. Howard said that's exactly what he's trying to avoid. He has no desire to be in that position. Robin said that he was rolling with his nanny, wife and the baby. She said that she had no idea he had that kind of money. Robin said that Wanda Sykes is a big fan of the show and they should have her on.
Howard said that at the SAG Awards they didn't bother showing Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie sitting in the audience. He said that if they show up they should be part of the show. That led to Howard playing an old interview that Stuttering John did with Brad Pitt many years ago when he was still a normal guy. Brad knew who John was and had a nice interview with him. He answered the questions and had some fun with them. John threw out some questions like ''Are homosexuals Hollywood's next villains?'' and things like that. Brad was dating Juliette Lewis at the time so she was there with Brad and spent some time talking to John as well.
Artie said that if you told him back then that one of those guys was going to be a huge movie star and the other one was an announcer on the Tonight Show, he would have figured that John went on to be a movie star. He said that he never thought that Brad Pitt would be so huge.
Artie said that he got called to do Letterman this Tuesday and Paris Hilton is going to be the first guest on the show. He said that he's going to ask Dave if he has to fill a minimum weight or something. He said that the show is going to be taped on Tuesday but won't air until Friday. He said that if he thinks that it was a bad appearance, those three days are going to be torture. Artie said that he's got to do the pre-interview thing at Letterman so he has to go through the torture of that. Howard gets to skip that whole thing when he does the show.
Howard said he had to give a shout out to this new reality show that Dee Snider is in. They take 7 singers from different genre's of music and they all sing country songs. Howard said he wasn't even sure of the name of the show but it was pretty interesting. He said it might be something like ''Make Me Country'' or something like that. Fred found out that it was actually ''Gone Country.''
Robin said that this guy Larry the Cable Guy has a third movie coming out soon and it looked more horrible than the last. She said that people just keep going to see the movies. Artie said that guy used to do comedy as a regular guy and then he became this character and he'd love to hear the real guy being interviewed about the past. He said that it was fascinating to him that he became that dumb guy and now he's making millions because of it.
Howard said that's why he says that people who have a character like that should just stick to it and do that all the time. He sued John Heder as an example. He said that he should have stuck to the Napoleon Dynamite character and do that character and nothing else. He said that every other movie he's in not doing that character sucks.
Richard came in and said that he's fascinated by that Larry the Cable Guy because he's gotten so famous. He said that there's something about him that draws him to him. He said that he laughs at his movies but he's laughing at how bad they are. Howard played a prank call the guys made using clips from Napoleon Dynamite.
Howard said that this XM/SIRIUS merger is still being held up by the government and no one is sure why. He said that Jesse Jackson demanded a meeting about the merger and now he and some other black groups have come out to oppose the merger. They're rejecting the merger but not because of the monopoly thing, they think that there's not a diversity of media ownership and things like that. Howard said that they ignore the fact that they do have a lot of black programming on the service.
He said that he's pretty sure that there is something fishy going on there and he thinks that it's lobbyists working behind the scenes and getting people to complain about the merger. He said there are more important things for black women to worry about in this country than this merger.
Howard said he had some clips of this guy Jim Cramer from Mad Money talking about what's going on with the merger and how ridiculous it is that they're holding up the merger this long. In one clip Jim was talking about how the government didn't have any hearings over the Exxon/Mobil merger or the Chevron/Texaco mergers. He said that if they really cared about the people of this country, they would have had some hearings on that stuff.
Howard said that he agreed with this guy Jim and his thoughts on this stuff. In the clip Jim is talking about how he thinks that SIRIUS is worth owning even if the merger doesn't go through. Howard said that he goes into a whole stock rap after that.
Howard said that he used to go around thinking that the government was above all of this stuff but now he sees that they may be bought and paid for. He said that the deal has to go through because there's no way that they can think that this is a monopoly. He said that it's all about who is going to pay the government.
Howard said that this guy Cramer goes on for a few minutes talking about this stuff. He said he wasn't sure how much more they could listen to. Artie asked if this guy Cramer can buy a bunch of stock and then go out and go on this rant that he goes on. Howard said that he thinks that he'd have to but he's not sure about that.
Howard played more of the clip where Jim is talking about how this merger would not be a monopoly, but Exxon/Mobil is. He went on talking about other mergers that were allowed in very short periods of time but they won't let this merger go through. He said he thinks that it would be hard for the feds to turn this merger down.
Howard and the guys spent a short time talking about how they're not even making money with these two services so there's no way that they're a monopoly. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Lisa said that the guy has told them that there will be some new stories that are really wild that will be in this book. Howard told Artie to write the book with one fake story and have the fans try to pick it out, kind of like the Mike Walker game.
Lisa said that they've spoken to Jillian Barberie about her call to the show last week. Jillian also talked to them about how she called David Spade and talked to him about Jillian Grace's baby and she claims that David is cool with it.
Howard asked Artie what's so secretive that he'll have in his book. Artie said that he does have a couple of secrets that he hasn't told on the show yet. He said that some of the people who are involved in the stories didn't want it on the air but they're okay with him putting the stories in his book. The guys asked if Dana is going to be in the book. Artie said that if she's lucky she will be.
Howard said that he left his sister out of his book and wondered if Artie is going to do that. Howard said he never remembered his sister being in the house and he just left her out. He said that his psychiatrist tells him that this is a problem that he doesn't remember his sister being in the house when he was growing up even though she had to have been there. He said that they get along great so he's not sure why he'd forget about her.
Lisa said that Howard's sister told her one time that Howard has a very big imagination. That led to Howard saying that he thinks he saw her breasts one time. He also talked about her friends and how he was attracted to this one girl. He also said that his sister ended up ignoring him out on the beach one day when she brought him there.
Howard said his sister went to this all girl's school for college and he went to visit and they'd eat at the places on campus because the food was so good. He said that his sister would want to go out but his father would want to stay and eat there. He talked about his father yelling at him for eating pancakes and bread together and complaining that they were both cakes so he can't have them both in the same meal. Howard said that was in front of the hot girls there and it wasn't cool.
Howard said that he always listened to his mother and what she told him to do. He said that she's changed a lot now but back then she'd be really ''Jewy'' and wanted his sister to go out with a Jewish guy. He said that she didn't like Jewish guys though so she would never date them. He said she'd sneak out of the house and go out and date guys who weren't Jewish. He never told on her or anything though.
Howard said that there was yelling and screaming going on about his sister dating guys who weren't Jewish. He said that his mother would cry over it and yell at her for not dating Jews. He said that she'd go nuts and cry a lot back then about that stuff. Artie said that it seems like his mother was brought up to expect disaster with everything.
Howard told another story about this ice cream scooper that they had in the house when he was a kid. He said it was the greatest ice cream spoon ever and then one day his mother turned the spoon over and saw that it was made in Germany. She freaked out and threw it in the garbage. He said that his father would go on and on about the German's and French like you wouldn't believe. Robin said they hear those rants from Howard now.
Howard said his mother would go on and on about the Germans and the Jews. Then she threw out the spoon. He said that she'd get all upset about his sister's boyfriends not being Jews. He said that his mother thought that his sister was a virgin all this time and she'd have him going into the room to spy on his sister when she'd have boys over to the house to watch TV. He said that his mother was afraid of his sister and she'd make him spy on them. Howard said that he actually wrote this story up for an episode of ''Howard Stern: The High School Years'' so that script is just sitting around.
Howard said he'd go and tell his mother about his sister making out and that was it, they didn't do anything about it. He said that his sister ended up marrying one of these guys that wasn't a Jew and his parents eventually came around and took him in no problem. He said that he doesn't get why they wanted another Jew in the family anyway.
Howard said that his sister's kids aren't confused like his mother thought they would be if she didn't marry a Jew. He said that ever since his mother took up TM meditation, she's changed her whole view on everything. He said that now all she cares about is peace and love. He said that now she goes around preaching the peace thing and hates anything violent. He said he told her about the last Giants game and she couldn't believe that he watches stuff so violent. He said that she won't let his father watch it in front of her.
Howard was doing his impression of his parents during this discussion and had the guys laughing a bunch of times. He said that he always wanted to see violent movies when he was growing up but his mother wouldn't let him see them. He said that he'd have to make up descriptions of movies to fool her into thinking that they weren't violent. He said he'd work in the name of the movie sometimes so he'd talk up Death Wish and tell his mother that the people in the movie were dead and wished that they could come back to life or something like that.
Artie said that he knew a guy who brought his 70 year old grandmother to see Star Wars one time when it was first out and in the cantina scene where Harrison Ford was talking to the loan shark guy, the grandma says ''This movie was made by a crazy person...''
Lisa G got back to her news preview. She said that she spoke to Rev. Bob Levy about his Xanax pills and how the doctor wasn't able to prescribe him more than he was getting so he put him on something new. They'll have more on Howard 100 News today about all of those stories and more.
Howard was about to let Lisa go but she mentioned that she was at a recital recently and she was so nervous playing violin in front of only 60 people. That led to Howard telling her that she should play in the studio fro them. She didn't sound very interested in doing that though.
Artie said that his driver is really into Lisa G and he told her that he could get her a date if she wanted. He said that the guy saw her walking out on the street one day last week and the guy noticed her and pointed her out to him.
Howard played a new prank call that Richard made to this old woman. He just keeps asking this woman how she's doing and what she's been up to and the woman keeps answering him over and over again. She sticks with the call even though he just keeps asking her how she's doing. Then, after she hangs up, Sal calls her and asks the woman how his brother is doing. She doesn't know so he keeps asking her how she's doing and how his brother is doing. She said he sounded like he was okay but didn't know why he was asking her about him.
The guys spent some time talking about the odds on the game and what people are thinking at this point. Will came in with some stats and gave the guys a rundown of that stuff. Artie said that he thinks there is some magic there with the Giants and they may be able to pull it out this time.
Howard said that he doesn't want to bet on this game either. He doesn't get the joy out of it that Artie does. Artie said that he looks at it like getting free money but Howard said he doesn't see it that way at all. He has no desire to lose money on a game like that.
Ralph called in and said that he thinks that it will be a blow out game. He said Howard is right about that. Fred said that he's not going to go with Ralph on this because he was wrong the last time. He said he thinks that the Giants are going to take it this time. He gave his thoughts on the game and what he thinks will happen this Sunday.
The guys talked about some of the crazy names of the guys in the NFL and that led to Artie talking about the jokes he used to tell about Anfrony Hardaway. Howard said that Beth told him a story about a little black girl standing at a make-up counter saying ''That's my name, that's my name, that's my name...'' and then she heard the little girl's mother call her and her name was Clinique. Robin thought that was made up but Howard swore that Beth saw it happen.
Howard mentioned that Will the Farter is there and he's there with a porn star by the name of Kissy Kapri. He made a porn movie and it's pretty disturbing. He wears his clothes the whole time and just goes in and starts farting on this chick who is rubbing herself. Gary said that Will actually does do a sex scene and he had some clips to play. He said that he'd play them after the break and went to commercial.
Howard said that he was surprised at the level of girls they had in the movie ''Lost in Porn Valley.'' He said that she's the first girl you see in the movie and he was surprised that she was so good looking. Howard asked if this is the girl he has sex with in the movie. Will said that she is but he had some problems getting it up for her because he was so nervous.
Howard heard that Will had a small penis too. Kissy confirmed that and said that he's not the biggest she's seen. Will said that there was nothing but horse cocks down there when he was there. He had no chance against the other porn guys.
Howard said that the premise of this movie is that he goes out to Hollywood and meets Kissy. He tells her that he wants to make porn but ends up farting on her. Howard said that was funny but he didn't know that he ends up having sex with someone later in the movie. Will said that he does have a girlfriend and she wasn't too happy about this whole thing.
Howard asked Will if she yelled at him. He said that she did yell at him for about a month and a half but he bought her a bunch of stuff and that helped. Will used to do some other weird porn movies where he's jerk off and stuff and gay guys would buy the movies. Will said that it kind of just happened back in August.
Howard read some notes about Will going out to do this movie and he only got $1000 out of the deal. Will said that he'd like to get more money but he's not sure if he can get anything else. Kissy said that she got $1000 too. Howard told her that she should be getting a lot more than that for doing these movies. Robin said that was just for that scene.
Will said that he had a choice of 6 or 7 girls and he picked Kissy. She's only 19 years old and turning 20 in about 5 days. She said she's made over 100 films already.
Howard read some notes about Kissy and saw that she did an 11 guy gang bang and they were all black guys. She got paid $2500 to do that. She said that they were all pretty big too. She had done anal before that but she got tired after about 5 or 6 hours of doing it. She said that she's only about 100-105 pounds and it was tough to take. Howard said her price really should go up based on that. He said that she should be in a Jenna Jameson category.
Kissy said that she takes an imodium to keep herself from having accidents back there when she's having anal. She said that sometimes she'll have some enema water come out when she's having anal but never doody. Howard read that she did a bukakke thing with 100 guys one time. Howard asked her what happens when 100 guys cum on her face. She said that they'd cum in her mouth, then she'd spit it into a bowl and then drank it. Artie asked her what went wrong with her. He said that this is just not right. He asked her if she had a bad childhood or something. She said that her mother has a disease and her father is in the Navy. Robin asked her what was so great about her childhood if that's what she's got going on. Kissy lost her virginity at 13 and said she never graduated high school.
Howard asked Will about having sex with this girl and if he used a condom. He said it was no condom but the girls are tested. Howard said they're tested for AIDS but not all of the STDs. Will said he was kind of nervous about it at first and his girlfriend stayed away from him for about a month.
Howard asked Kissy if she was afraid of getting a loose ass or something where she wouldn't be able to hold it in. She said that she has worried about that. She's heard stories about porn stars who have to wear diapers from it. She said that she doesn't do it that often though.
Howard found out that Kissy lost her anal virginity at 15. She also told them about the guy who took her virginity at 13 and how she lost it at McDonalds. She explained how that went down and how it was a 14 year old who took it. She said that they'd do all kinds of stuff with other girls even when she was in 4th grade.
Gary told Howard that she's really hard core and she was in the movie that those ''ass juice'' clips came from that they played earlier. He said that movie was called ''Cum Fuck Cocktails.'' She's even on the cover of that movie.
Kissy told Howard about the story of that movie where she drank the guy's cum. She said that it was supposed to be a way for her to get back into heaven after she'd committed suicide. She also told the guys about how she tried working as an escort for a while and she had an 85 year old guy try to fuck her in the ass with his limp dick. She said that it was just a job and she had no desire to do it. She said that he told her that he had never done a girl in the ass but he wanted to do it before he died. He stuck it in after 25 or 30 minutes but nothing happened. She said that it wasn't that gross compared to some other guys that she's done. She said that there were some pretty gross guys out there, even grosser than Artie.
Artie asked Kissy if the old guy told her what he wanted to do before. She said that he did. Now she has a boyfriend who does pretty much nothing after leaving his pizza delivery job. She said that he tells people that he's a gardener now.
Howard got back to Will and asked him about his fiancé. Will said that they actually have a date and they're getting married on June 29th. He said he's not sure if he's going to fart at the wedding.
Howard asked will if he was able to finish with this girl in the movie. He said he was doing good for a while but when the camera was right on him he got really nervous.
Howard asked Kissy how she came up with the name. She said that she came up with it herself by looking in a baby name book. Howard told her that she should give herself a real name like ''Jennifer Smith'' or something. Artie suggested ''Jennifer Anuston.''
Kissy talked about how she had tried heroin when she was about 17 but she gave it up. Artie asked her if she wanted to go to Amsterdam with him. She kind of laughed at that. She told the guys about what happened to her one time when she had done something and ended up getting tied up in a shower.
Howard played some clips from this movie that Will did where he walks in the room where this woman is getting it on with another woman. Then he tells the girls that he has a special talent and starts farting on the woman. She tells him he's disgusting and tells him to get lost.
Howard played another clip where Will farted in front of 4 girls. Howard said that he seems to be like Brad Pitt taking this stuff so seriously this morning. Will said that he does have some regrets about doing this movie. He said that he's out of doing the porn but he's still doing the little stuff on the side where he jerks off by himself in his own room for the gay guys. He said he doesn't think that it's gay at all.
Howard said that you can buy this movie that Will and Kissy are in at Clips4Sale.com. He played the clip where Will farts in front of the four girls after that. The girls are talking about how gross it is as Will is blasting away.
Howard played another clip where Will meets a burping girl. He demonstrates his farting talent and she burps for him. Then he had a clip where Will goes into a sauna after being so distraught after not being able to find a co-host. Will said that he didn't remember doing the sauna scene and couldn't remember what happened there. Howard thought that he just hated the movie and couldn't bare to think about it. Will said he thinks it's funny and it's really not that bad.
Gary came in and said that the guy in the green room was just telling him that they were going to be doing another movie next week. Will said he decided to not do that one just a couple of days ago so he won't be doing another one.
Will said that his in-laws to be don't know anything about this and they don't even know that he's Will the Farter. He said they'll never know about this porn movie. Howard played some clips of Will banging this chick Kissy and she's slapping around her own tits. Artie said that she's got banana tits. Howard said that they are very big and Artie thought they were real.
Howard said that Kissy has both nipples pierced and she goes to choke Will in that scene. She said that she likes to be dominant. Howard said that Will just lays there and does nothing. He told him that he's got to get into it more. Artie said that it looks like some sort of snuff film or something because Will looks like he was forced into doing the scene.
Will said that he took half a Viagra to do that scene and it did nothing for him, if anything, it made it worse.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Kissy should ride the Sybian while Will farts on her. Artie said they didn't have to do the farting part of that. Howard asked Kissy to ride the Sybian and give it a shot. He wanted the truth about how it felt. They had her strip down before she got on the Sybian. Howard said that he can't imagine her with a bunch of black guys banging her in the ass. She said that it was pretty rough.
Bong Hit Eric called in and said that Kissy looks good on the web site. Howard asked Will to let out just one fart before she rides this thing. Will blasted out a bunch of farts for the guys before they got to the Sybian ride. Bong Hit brought up something he'd seen on TV with Beth and some pets she was trying to get adopted. Gary told Howard that they were in the middle of something sexy there and didn't need to hear that. Howard let Eric go and got back to Kissy.
Howard had Gary start the Sybian and had Kissy telling them about how it felt. She didn't make much noise so Howard asked if anything was happening. She said it was but there wasn't any audio to let anyone know what was going on. Gary kept jacking the speed up and she eventually started to moan a little bit. Gary had it up to full speed and she let out a couple of moans and that was it. She was done.
Kissy said that she did finish. She claims that she can masturbate and cum like 15 times in a row. Gary asked her to ride it again and make some noise this time. She said that she could do that, no problem. Kissy got back on the machine and Gary started her out slow but turned up the speed pretty soon. This time she was moaning a little bit more. She moaned and got off within about a minute or so. Howard told her that was quite a performance. Artie said ''Somebody fuck her!'' when she hopped off the machine.
Howard said that it may not have been 11 black guys in her ass, but it was as close as they could come. He talked to Will about doing the porn stuff again and Will said that he's really not going to do it. Will Murray came in and said that he's probably doing it behind his Fiancé's back, that's why he's claiming he's not doing it. Will said that he's just not doing it.
Gary noticed something tattooed on Kissy's back. She said that it says ''God Is Rich In Mercy.'' Howard gave the guys some more plugs and started to wrap up with Will. Will was in a strange mood so the guys tried to figure out what was going on there. Will said that today just wasn't a good day. He said that he knows that he's going to get a lot of flack about this and he's afraid that his fiancé's parents are going to find out about this.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Kissy if she's ever gotten a David Copperfield before. That's where a guy spits on a girl's back and then when she turns around, he cums on her face. She said she had never had that. She did have a Roman Soldier Helmet though. She said that she has done a Rusty Trombone before as well. That's where she eats a guy's ass hole and jerks him off at the same time. She said she's done that in her real life and in porn. She said that she doesn't mind doing that either.
Gary asked Kissy what's on her list of things that she won't do. She said that she won't do black guys anymore. She said that there were some bad apples there when she did the gang bang thing. She said that they did a DP (double penetration) thing with her and they weren't supposed to. She said that she won't do black guys anymore because of that.
Kissy aids that she won't do a cream pie thing anymore either. She won't let guys finish inside of her and push it out. She only lets her boyfriend cum inside of her. She said she still does the ass though. Artie was laughing hysterically while she was telling them all of this stuff. He said that the only two things that she won't do are shooting cum out of herself and doing black guys. She said that she won't kiss other guys either in the movies she does. She said that's too personal to do with anyone other than her boyfriend.
Howard said he can't imagine dealing with a woman who is getting banged by other guys. She said that sometimes he will say stuff about her going to get laid by other guys and she thinks that's kind of stupid. She said that he has shot one scene with her though.
Howard asked Kissy if she'd ever do a dog. She said she used to like watching bestiality films but she wouldn't do that. Howard gave her an Fuck, Marry, Kill with a Dog, a Black Guy and a Flashlight. She said that she's probably fuck the flashlight, marry the black guy and kill the dog.
Howard asked Kissy if she goes to strip clubs and works. She doesn't do that. She said that she'd like to go to school eventually and open up a dog kennel or something like that. Will said that he thinks she could do something else and do really well at it. He thinks she could be so much more than she is. Will said that he'd like to help her out and get her into something else.
Will said that he's making about 3 grand a month doing the clips he does and he wants to use that for college. Howard thought that he was like 40 years old but Will said he's only 28. Howard gave them some more plugs for KickAss.com, where you can get the movie ''Lost in Porn Valley,'' and for Clips4Sale.com, where you can download Will's clips. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said that they have this guy Junior Seau from the New England Patriots on the phone. He said that he's a big deal but he's not even sure why that is because he's not that into football.
Junior said that they're out in Arizona now. Howard asked him about Tom Brady's foot and if that was all just a scam to make the Giants think that the was injured. Junior said that they blew that up into something that wasn't that big of a deal.
Howard asked Junior what being Samoan means because he has no idea. Junior said that Samoa is a small island that he'd love if he visited. Howard asked if they eat people there. Junior said he's pretty sure they stopped doing that about 4 decades ago.
Howard said the read that Junior was able to bench press 500 pounds but Junior said that was a long time ago. Howard said he's only able to lift about 95 pounds himself. Junior said he doesn't need to be able to bench more than that doing what he does for a living.
Howard said that Junior is 39 years old and still in the NFL so that's a pretty big feat right there. Junior said that it's a long journey to get there. He's never won a Super Bowl so Howard asked him if he's going to retire after this year. He wasn't sure about that. He didn't think it was going to be his last one.
Howard said that Junior retired one other time and his team got pissed at him when he came out of retirement. Junior didn't make that big of a deal out of it. Howard asked him if he's married. Junior said that he's not married. Howard asked him when he last got laid. He wasn't going to say but he said that he does have ''friends'' that he hangs out with. He said that he's just concentrating on the big game and he's not concentrating on that stuff. He said that he has gotten laid since the last game but he'll probably cut himself off by Thursday this week.
Howard asked Junior if he hangs out with Tom Brady and his model girlfriend, Giselle. Junior said that it's hard to hang out with him but he is friends with him. He said that they keep that relationship pretty secret so he doesn't hang with them that much. Howard said that Tom Brady has movie star looks and he's banging a number 1 supermodel. He'd like to know one thing that's wrong with Brady. Junior said that the only thing wrong with him is that he never stops working.
Howard said he wanted to hear that Brady's penis was tiny or something. Junior said he doesn't take a peek in the shower so he wouldn't know. Robin asked Howard why he's not calling Junior by his real name. Howard and Artie said that they thought it was his real name. Junior said that his real name is something that's hard to say so he went with Junior. His real name is Tiaina. As soon as he said that the guys were calling him Tina and goofing on him. Junior said that's why he went with the ''Junior'' name.
Howard asked Junior some questions about his coach and then Artie threw in a question and asked where they mount the cameras to steal all of the other team's plays. Howard told him to calm down with that, it sounds like he's really angry with him for no reason.
Howard said that Tom Brady may have jinxed the team by going out and saying that they're going to win this game. Junior said that he can't believe that he'd go out and do that. He refused to believe that Brady would do that to them.
Howard asked Junior if he had banged anyone famous. Junior said that he doesn't really go after famous people like that. Junior said that he was married at one time and he got divorced. That led to the guys asking him if that's why he had to go back to playing football. He said that his ex-wife was a great woman. Howard asked him if he ever banged any of the cheerleaders. He said he never did that and he leads a pretty boring life.
Howard read that President Bush had given Junior a good Samaritan award back in 2005. Junior said that they raise money for the youth of San Diego and he did get that award. He didn't make a big deal out of it though.
Howard asked Junior who he's going to vote for this next election. He said that's a secret, he doesn't want to be judged on that kind of stuff. Howard asked him if they should pull out of this war. Junior said that the best thing they can do is support the guys who are already over there. He didn't want the people thinking that they were against what they're doing this week before the Super Bowl is coming up.
Howard took some phone calls and let some fans ask some questions. One guy said that Junior is so tough. He said that he broke his arm recently and he thought for sure that he wasn't going to be able to come back but he did. Howard asked Junior if he looks at him like he's a big pussy because he would never be able to go on after a broken arm. Junior has some respect for Howard and said he doesn't look at him like that at all.
Another caller told Junior that he thinks that Eli Manning is going to choke in this game and they're going to lose. Junior said that Eli is good and they have their hands full with this upcoming game. Howard took a couple more calls and let some people make some comments about this upcoming game. One caller talked about Junior's club that he owns and how he's got a lot of hot chicks there. One guy said that he used to be a fan of Juniors until he moved to the Patriots. He said that him leaving the Chargers was like Babe Ruth leaving the Yankees. Junior said that he will never leave San Diego, they're always in his heart. He said that he's employed by the Patriots right now and they'll see what happens when this season is over. Howard let Junior go a short time later.
Howard said that people are just shocked that he's got a girl as beautiful as Kendra who is into him. He said that people get jealous, he knows that because he gets the same thing with Beth. Howard said that Eric has to be suspect because this girl hasn't even been in the same room with him yet.
Eric said that he can't get into too much detail but he and Johnny are working on a chance of him meeting her around Valentine's day. He said that it's all a timing issue and she's got a schedule to work around and he has to work around that as well.
Howard asked where Kendra is going to be staying and if they're going to be staying in the same room. Eric is sure he won't be in the same room but they'll probably be near each other. Howard said that if Eric calls him after that meeting and tells him that they were intimate and had some romantic talk or something, then he'll believe that she's into him.
Robin didn't understand why Eric is saying that she's his girlfriend when they haven't even met yet. Howard said that he kind of gets this, the two of them are talking and have an understanding. Eric told Howard that he likes the way he's handling this today.
Howard told Eric that if he does meet this girl and she doesn't do anything with him, he'd have to say that she's not into him. Eric agreed with that. He said that there should be some kind of kissing and holding hands when they meet. Eric said that she does blow him kisses on cam and stuff like that. Howard said that's why people are suspicious of this relationship.
Howard said that he got the same thing with Beth but she eventually put out for him. He said that if Kendra meets him and vomits, he'll understand that she's not into him. He talked about what Kendra could do to prove that she really likes Eric.
Eric said that he knows that Kendra is going to have down time and he knows that he'll be sitting next to her and taking to her when she's working at this job she has. Howard asked Eric what she calls him when she's talking to him and started to play the edited, pre-recorded clips of Eric calling himself ''Eric the...''
Robin asked if Eric is getting more and more frustrated not meeting this girl. Eric said he's not. He seems to be fine with waiting for her. Howard let Eric go a short time later and Eric said a very pleasant ''talk to you later'' as he was saying goodbye to Howard.
The guy said that they didn't find any child porn on his computer but he's still looking at serving 4 years for child porn. He said that the 7 year old kid accused him of touching her inappropriately but that story fell apart and he got out of that but he's still facing the 4 years in prison. Howard had to cut him off and told him that he doesn't need too many details.
The guy was looking for Dominic Barbara's phone number so he could talk to him about the charges. The guy thinks that he's being framed or something. Howard told him he'd put him on hold so he could get Dominic's phone number.
Artie ended up asking Howard what happened between him and Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams that time that he saw them out at dinner one night. Howard explained to Artie that he and Beth were out, they saw Heath and Michelle out and they kind of blew him off when he went over to say hello to them. He said that he complained about it on the air one day and Heath called him after hearing that and apologized for what had happened. He said that he was very nice about it afterward but they were kind of dicky to him when he said hello. He said it turned out he wasn't that much of a dick.
Artie said that this story about Heath dying is really hitting him hard this week. Howard said that maybe this will straighten him out and he'll stop with the drinking and drugs because of Heath's death. They had to go to break a short time later.
Gary said that the guys in the office were talking about it and told him that he should go for Barack. Howard said that he might have to tell Gary what to do because the last time he voted, he voted for David Dinkens for some dopey reason.
Howard said that if he's on the democratic side of this he should probably vote for Hillary. He said that he's just giving his opinion on what to do. Gary said that he's not going to do what Howard says just because Howard tells him this is the way he should vote.
Howard told Gary that if he won't let him tell him what to do, then get the fuck out of the room. Gary kept interrupting him and wouldn't let him answer. Howard said that this isn't fun for him if he keeps interrupting.
Howard told Gary that he will probably vote for Hillary because she has experience being in the White House and working with her husband on health care and other issues. He said that having Bill Clinton in the White House would be a good thing. He said that he was good at being President and he'd have her ear if he was in there. You get two for the price of one and he likes that deal. Robin said that some people are upset about that and that's exactly what they don't want. Howard likes it and he thinks it could be good for the country. He said that she'd have a built in aide in Bill and that's good.
Howard told Gary to just vote for the person he thinks would be the best person and not worry about what would happen in the election. Sal was in Gary's office goofing on Gary wearing his Gary mask and having some fun with the whole decision making thing.
Fred threw in a Baba Booey song parody that had Artie cracking up. He said he kind of liked that one and goofed on Gary a little bit himself.
Artie said that if he dies over there, it will be an honorable way to go out. Steve said that the body armor that Artie might need would weigh about 15 pounds. They'll have some news about Adam Carolla doing Greg Fitzsimmons show tonight at Midnight Eastern time. John the Stutterer is also on tonight at 7pm with his Straight Talk show.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He said they'll be talking about Will the Farter and Kissy Kapri's visit, Junior Seau's call and much more. The guys talked about the game for a short time. Howard said he still thinks that the Patriots are going to win even though he's rooting for the Giants.
Jon said that they'll talk about Lisa Rinna's giant lips that Howard brought up this morning, Eric the Midget's call and more.
Robin said that she still feels good, even at her age, so that's why she's not going to give up. Artie said that he's already given up at his age and he's not even close to her age. Fred played a new theme song for Robin that was based on a Stevie Wonder song. The guys all got a few laughs out of that one.
Robin started off the news with a story about Heath Ledger. His father had said something about how he wasn't going to get to play chess with his son anymore. She said that it seems that the family got along very well. Howard said that when you're 28 years old and you have a kid at home, it's time to clean up and get off the drugs. He said he feels bad about his death and all but he really should have cleaned up before this all happened. That led to the guys talking about his death and some of the things that went on that day.
Howard read through some e-mail and said that a lot of people liked the Sylvester Stallone interview. Some people wrote in about Artie going to Amsterdam and what a bad idea that was.
Robin said she read that DJ Chris Booker might be heading back to New york according to an article in Page Six today. They say that he has offers for a radio show and for a TV show of his own there.
Howard read through more mail and one person said that Artie doesn't even know how to swim so he shouldn't buy a boat. Artie said he knows how to swim and he can swim very well. Robin said that she doesn't know how to swim and she has a boat so that's bull.
Howard read some mail about Eric the Midget. Some people don't want him on the show, others think that they shouldn't bully him so much. Other people said they like to hear Eric on the show and they don't want him to be taken off the show at all.
Howard had Robin get back to her news a short time later. Robin said that Cindy Adams is predicting that the writer's strike will be over in a couple of weeks. There was a story about the Captain America comic book so that got Howard talking about it. He said that they're bringing him back and using his sidekick as the new Captain America since they killed the original guy off last year. Howard said he likes that they're giving him weapons now and that's the way it should be because the guy is a soldier.
Howard mentioned this ''Gone Country'' show that he mentioned earlier in the morning. He said that it was a good show. He said that it looks like Bobby Brown and Maureen McCormick are hooking up on the show so that's pretty interesting to him.
Howard read a story about a guy who had killed his wife accidentally by electrocuting her during sex. He said that the guy attached alligator clips to an electrical cord to her nipples and that led to her having a heart attack. Fred came up with a sound effect for that while Howard was reading the story. He was able to paint the scene with his audio clips. He had the zapping, a woman screaming and more.
Robin read some stories about Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. She had some audio clips of the two of them speaking and Howard said that he'd have to suggest to Hillary that she not yell at these events. Robin brought up Ted Kennedy during the discussion about Barack Obama so that led to Howard doing his Kennedy impression and doing his ''Er-uh'' thing for a few minutes along with Artie. They were both doing their Kennedy impressions and making up all kinds of stuff about Barack Obama and why they support him.
Robin had Howard playing a bunch of clips of other candidates talking about the upcoming election. Howard and Artie stuck to their Kennedy impressions for a little longer.
Robin had some clips from the SAG awards and went through a bunch of those clips. Howard and the guys commented on some of the stuff that went on during that show. She wrapped up after that and Howard ended the show around 10:45am.
Jon brought up some of the stuff they were going to be talking about today on the Wrap Up Show. He mentioned that Artie was going to be doing Letterman tomorrow night and Gary missed that on the show somehow.
Jeff the Drunk was on the phone so he asked Gary what it was that Gary wanted to know last week. Gary said he wanted to know what Jeff would do if Artie didn't exist because he asks him for money all the time. Gary said that he must be in bad shape these days because he calls telling them that he's always available. He's been complaining about them giving money to Wendy the Retard so he wanted to know what he's doing to try and generate money. Jeff didn't have an answer for that. He said that he's not sure what he would do if Artie wasn't around.
Teddy said that Jeff calls him all the time too. He said that he just called him an hour ago. Jeff said he wants to know when he's going to be appearing with Artie. Jeff said that the crowd loved him the last time he did a show. He said he can be a good diversion and get all of the people out of Artie's way at the shows.
Jeff said that he's good with whatever amount of money Artie wants to give him. Jon asked him if he thinks that it's a bad idea for Artie to go to Amsterdam. Jeff said that he'd chaperone him if they want. He said it would just cost them the price of a ticket. Teddy said that it would cost them the price of a hotel room too. Gary said that if he gave up smoking, drinking and smoking weed, he'd have a couple hundred bucks in his pocket.
Teddy said that Jeff thinks that Artie wants him on ever gig but he just told him that he was going to be on some local gigs. He said he's regretting giving him his phone number now.
A caller said that he's tired of these wack packers and them asking for money all the time. Gary said he agrees but Wendy the Retard can't help the way she is. She's retarded. Jeff has the ability to go out and generate some income himself but he's lazy. He said he's got his hand out all the time asking for money.
Benjy said that he'd like to do a bit where they drop Wendy the Retard and Jeff the Drunk in the middle of nowhere and see who survives. Gary thinks that Jeff would be able to do it and even Wendy could probably figure out a way to get home.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary how they work it when he books a guest like Junior and Howard doesn't know sports that well. Gary said that Howard trusts them when they tell him that they have someone big like that to do the show. He said that Howard doesn't have any hero worship with these guys either because he doesn't know them, and that leads to him doing a great interview because he's not afraid of them.
Artie came in and talked to the guys about that interview. They talked about a mention of Joe Namath that Artie made during the Junior Seau interview.
Jon took some phone calls and one guy was going back and forth with Artie taking about Tony Romo. Artie said that he loves that they have a guy on the team that has a name that rhymes with homo. The caller wanted to start making fun of the Giants with some names that he's making up if he's going to continue to do that.
Artie told the guys about a commercial that he was in that was shown during the Super Bowl one year. He said that was something that got him into SAG and he thinks that it made no sense at all. He said that the commercial didn't make any sense and no one he knew could make any sense of it either. He said that it's weird and he has to bring it in and show it to the guys.
Jon took a call from a guy who told Artie he's the man but last year he was saying that the Giants suck. Artie said that wasn't him, he was telling a story about the Eagles fans down in Philly telling him that the Giants were gay and so was he.
Another caller asked Artie what he thinks the headline is going to be next Monday, the Giants win or the Patriots win. Artie said he thinks that it'll be the Giants and that would make a better story.
Artie asked Jeff what he really wants from him. He said he gets to eat food and gets free beer all day and all he does is a 30 second thing on stage. Jeff said that he just wants to get paid for what it costs him to get to the show and maybe a couple of extra bucks. Jeff said he'd like $200 a night. Artie told Jeff that if he can get himself to a gig that's driveable, he'll give him the expenses and pay him the $200 to come out and say hi. Jeff agreed to that.
Artie said that he's going to be at the Borgata in Atlantic City on the 16th of February so he can come down to that one. Jeff said he has to make sure he can get that ride but he'll try to be there. Benjy asked Artie what he would do if he got a call from him saying the car broke down 3 hours into his trip. Artie said he'd have Teddy handle it. He doesn't care what happens from there. Jeff asked Artie if he wanted an escort to go to Amsterdam. Artie told him that he doesn't need to do that.
The guys heard that Bob Levy was going to have Riley Martin at his comedy club (Levy's Comedy Club). They wondered what he was going to be doing there. Shuli said that he's just going to come out and say hi to the crowd. That led to the guys talking about how Jackie the Joke Man turned down Bob's offer to do a gig out at his club. Shuli heard that Jackie had shot back and e-mail telling Bob ''No thanks'' in the subject line of his e-mail instead of answering the mail in a regular way.
Gary said that he thinks that Jackie gets good deals to do shows in big cities and stuff and he doesn't do gigs like Levy's club. Gary then told a story about doing a comedy show with Stuttering John out in Syracuse one time. He said that he was offered a really good deal that he couldn't turn down. He said that he went up there and there were only about 25-30 people and it was like a week before Christmas. He said that John promised him the money and he took the money even though he felt terrible about it. He said that it was brutal but John paid him even though he lost money on the deal. He said John never complained about it though.
Artie said that he's not a good businessman. He said that he's had promoters come up to him and tell him that they might lose money on the gig if they didn't sell enough tickets. He said that he's told them to just give him whatever they want then and that's what they do.
Artie got in some plugs and said that he's going to be at the universal Amphitheater in Los Angeles on April 5th and he's really looking forward to that. Gary said that's one great place to appear at and a classic place too. They had to go to break a short time later.
Benjy said that Howard didn't get into it too much but her mother can't speak. He said that he may have found that too sad. Gary said that she also said that her father was a sailor and he wasn't sure what she meant by that.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that Will is retired from porn or not. Gary said that Will Murray told him that he spoke to the producers and they told him that they had a deal to do another film. He said that he thinks that Will is a really nice guy and now he's found this way to make money and he's kind of throwing the whole thing with his girlfriend away.
Jon played a clip of Will the Farter explaining what he's doing with this porn career and how he's pretty much out of it. Gary wondered what Will is doing in the clips that he's selling. Benjy said he thinks that Will is farting and jerking off at the same time but he's not sure about that. Benjy said that he'd like to try getting into something like that himself.
The guys talked about Kissy's Sybian ride a little bit but they ended up talking about Will and how depressing he was on the show. Gary said he didn't get why Will was saying that this girl Kissy could do anything that she wanted and she didn't have to be in porn.
A caller said that he was gagging at this girl describing what she was doing in her movies and stuff. Gary said that most of that goes over his head because he's seen so much of that stuff over the years. The caller wondered where these girls come from at the age of 19 being into that kind of stuff.
Benjy said he finds it funny how they make such a big deal out of chicks doing black guys, like when she brought up the black guys that did the gang bang. They talked about how she had later said that she won't do black guys anymore because eof the way she was treated during that gang bang.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he just heard this Kissy Kapri interview and heard her mention something about being tied up with a ''cell phone cord'' and he thought that was kind of odd that no one picked up on that. Gary said she could have meant that it was the charger cord or something.
Another caller told the guys that he has no desire to see these people like Jeff the Drunk at comedy shows. He said that he really doesn't care about seeing Jeff the Drunk's ass. He thinks that it could actually ruin the show if they do stuff like that.
Teddy was telling the guys he's really not looking forward to hanging out with Jeff the Drunk at these comedy shows. He said that he got really drunk up in Syracuse and he's not looking forward to more of that. Gary gave him a big ''Wah!'' to that.
Another caller told Gary that he may have been cock blocking Will the Farter by talking about this porn movie that Will may be doing behind his Fiancé's back. Gary said that it's not a big secret, it's a porn movie that everyone will be able to see. He wasn't trying to break any ''man code'' or anything like that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's been trying to figure out if Robin has been telling the truth about that anal sex story she told years ago. He said that he doesn't believe that Robin was able to have anal without any lube or anything because it's just not possible. Gary said that not all women are built the same and it is possible that she was able to do what she claimed without any lube.
Another caller told the guys that they're doing a great job with the show and he's getting a great signal up in Washington State out in the middle of nowhere.
Another caller brought up the segment that Howard did playing clips of Jim Cramer's Mad Money. That led to the guys talking about buying stock and how guys like that can really effect stock prices. Benjy said that you can get into a lot of trouble by owning the stock and not revealing it and people have gotten into trouble for posting things on message boards and stuff. The caller said that Cramer claims that he doesn't own any SIRIUS stock so they don't have to worry about that.
Jon asked Gary about the chess club that Howard went to. They spent a few seconds on that and then talked about Howard telling the stories about his sister and his parents. Jon said that Howard called himself a Mama's boy and wondered if that's what he really was. They spent a minute on that and then Jon took another phone call.
The caller asked Benjy what drug he was on when he was at the AVN Awards because his lower jaw was doing all kinds of weird stuff. Benjy claims that he wasn't on any drug and he's not sure why that was happening. The caller also asked Gary a question about some Jamaican guy that had a name that was like Gary's last name and his Baba Booey name. The guy wanted to know if Gary ever found him. He said he didn't and kind of laughed at the guy's question.
Another caller asked about this entourage that Artie has going out to shows and stuff with him. Teddy said that it's just him and JD who are with him all the time. He said that JD comes along with them and helps out with sound checks and stuff. Teddy said that he's gotten to know JD pretty well and it's better to get along with someone than hate them. He said that because he thinks that Jon and Gary hate him. Jon said that he doesn't hate him, he just goofs on him on the show a little bit. The guys had to wrap up a short time later. They all got in their plugs and wrapped up a short time later.
Howard started off the show talking about how he had pinworms when he was a little kid. He said that Greg Fitzsimmons did his show last night and he was saying that his kid had pinworms. He said that he remembers when he had them when he was a kid and he probably got them from playing in the dirt. He said that his ass itched all the time from what he remembers and he's not sure how his mother knew that he had them. Robin said he probably dragged himself across the carpet like a dog does.
Howard remembered that he had to bring in a stool sample so his mom had him shit in a cardboard box. He said he has to call his mother later to ask her about that. He said he remembered shitting in the box and he could see the worms living in the shit. Robin said she had a dog that had them and she remembered seeing them in the shit too.
Artie said that it would be great if there was a reincarnation thing and Hitler came back as a pinworm living in someone's shit. He wondered what would happen if you never took care of those worms and he was still itching down there. Howard said he'd probably still be dragging his ass across the carpet. They talked about how that kind of stuff must have driven people nuts back in the old days when they couldn't take care of that.
Howard said that he had a lot of stuff to get to this morning. He had a couple of Penthouse Pets coming in and also a guy who has a giant rubber band ball. He said that the ball is bigger than his car and he wants to know why a black guy is into that stuff. He said that he's standing on the ball in the picture and it looks taller than his house.
Howard said that guy looks kind of nerdy but he is trying to look cool in the picture. Artie said he took a closer look and he did think that he was kind of nerdy.
Howard said the woman was telling him about some of the stuff she does on that show and how much fun she has doing it. He said that it sounded pretty wild to him. He said she looked really good too. He's not into working out with women who can beat him up though.
Howard asked Robin about the story she told about going out to California and how she kind of forgot about that. He asked her how long she was out there. She said she was there for maybe 24 hours last Friday. She flew out on Thursday night and had to see someone out there so she spent just the day. It turns out she had to use a machine out there that they don't have in New York. It's an EEPC machine that squeezes her and helps her out with her fat.
Artie didn't get that and asked her why she goes out there to get squeezed. She said that it's all about recirculating the blood in your lower body back into your upper body. Howard figured that she had to pay a lot of money to fly out and back and to use that machine. Robin said that it's part of her health regimen and she has to do it.
Howard said that Beth came home yesterday and he really does feel bad for her that she's with him. He said that he really loves her and he's very blessed but she's not that lucky to have him. He said that this is very silly and he shouldn't bring it up. He said he told Gary about it and said that it wasn't going to come up on the air. He said that Beth told him that Doug Goodstein showed up at the baby shower and he found that kind of surprising but that's not what bugged him.
Beth told Howard that Doug stopped by with his baby and then he heard that Doug had taken a picture of himself with the baby in his chair in the studio. He said he started to get really bummed out about that and it started to eat away at him. He said that it was making him nuts that someone would do that to him. He said he knows that people will sit in someone's chair like that and it's no big deal. He said that if Doug had asked him to do that, he'd be fine with it. Robin said that it's just Doug too and it's not someone that he doesn't trust messing with his stuff, like Cabbie having sex in the studio.
Howard said that he loves Doug and it's really not a big deal. Artie told Howard he thinks that he's overreacting. He said that it's Doug and he's known him for 14 years. Howard said that sometimes his equipment gets messed with and it takes forever to get it back the way it was so that kind of stuff bothers him. He said he doesn't know if Doug's kid was messing with the equipment or not.
Howard said that everyone is right, he shouldn't make a big deal out of it. He said he wasn't going to bring it up to his shrink or not after the guys suggested that he do that. He said he wants out of therapy so bad. Robin told him that this shows that he still has to go.
Doug came in so Howard asked him if he's out of his mind. Doug told him that it was just he and his little kid, she wasn't touching anything. He said that it was kind of cute. He brought his daughter to work and it was a fun day. Howard told him that maybe he should have taken a picture of her in his chair instead. Doug said he did that too. Doug told him that this is crazy and obsessive. He said that it's no different than the cleaning lady touching his chair.
Howard said that when Doug does this it makes people think that it's okay for others to do it too. Doug said that's not going to happen. Howard asked him if it's okay to put his daughter on the Sybian. Doug told him to stop with that. He asked what would happen if Jason came in and took a picture in the chair with someone. He said that if Doug had come to him and said that he was going to do this, he'd be fine. He said that it's just a courtesy.
Howard asked if it's okay for Jason to bring a nephew in there and take a picture in the chair. Doug said that would be fine in his mind. Howard told everyone to feel free and come in and take pictures. He said that Doug thinks that it's okay so he shouldn't think that much about it and let everyone do it.
Fred was asked if he'd do something like that and he said he knows better. He said that he would never do it because he knows that Howard would be bugged by this. He said that he's a germ-phobe and he wouldn't want to get him sick and take the blame for it.
Howard said that Fred isn't one of these freaks with a camera who has to take pictures constantly. Fred said that's true, he's not that obsessive about pictures. Howard said that Doug is a nut and most people don't go around taking pictures of everything. Robin said that Howard's dad would take him to his job and record stuff. Howard said that's not the same, that was his dad's recording studio, this isn't Doug's studio.
Howard said that he has never even had his own daughters sit in that chair. Robin said that he had to have done that at some point but he insisted that he hadn't. Robin asked if the people who wanted to sit in the captain's chair on the set of Star Trek should have to ask William Shatner to take pictures in that chair. Howard said that they should have to go and ask the producer of the show.
Doug said that he didn't even thinks that much about that picture and if he had, he would have asked Howard for his permission before doing it. Doug joked that he was sitting on a towel that was the property of the TV show so he should get off of that. He was just joking though and said he was stretching a little bit.
Robin said that this is a TV set and Howard shouldn't worry about it. He said that it was SIRIUS' property but Doug said that it's actually a joint project and it was both SIRIUS and In Demand's studio.
Robin said that she thinks that she may have had her nephew sit in that chair and take pictures too. She apologized for doing that because she had no idea that she was doing wrong. Howard asked if Scott Greenstein should be allowed to bring anyone in there to sit in his seat. Robin said that would be wrong and so would the interns. Howard asked where the cut-off is. They were bringing up people like JD and Benjy and others and Robin said that it would be wrong for JD. She thinks that he should have to ask.
Robin said that the only person she never wanted in her room was Daniel Carver. She said she was afraid of him, that's why. Doug asked if they should get a different chair to sit in back there so they can have some pictures taken. Howard said that Doug should be allowed to do whatever he wants. He said that he really thinks that if he wants to do a photo shoot, he should have to get permission.
Howard said that he's not even sure what's so special about his chair. He said that it seems to be a power trip and it shows what he can get away with there. He said that the only reason he took the picture is because it's Howard Stern's chair. He said that he's a real human being and he's not Captain Kirk.
Howard said that Beth told him about this picture and he went nuts when he heard about it. He said that it shouldn't be a big deal but it has turned into one now. Howard said that Doug stole a camera on 9/11 but Doug said he broke into a store to feed firemen. He said that they used a store to feed them and the cops and firemen are the ones who broke the windows to get into the place. He didn't want to get into that.
Howard asked if it's okay for JD to bring in his niece to take pictures. Doug said that would be fine in his opinion. Artie said that he'd tell people not to go anywhere near that chair.
Robin asked Doug if it would be okay for her to bring someone in and sit in Scott DePace's director's chair. Doug said that would be fine, she can have anyone sit in there. Doug said that his daughter didn't touch anything, she sat there for 2 seconds so he could take a picture. Robin said that they should auction off the chance to sit there.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that it's just a chair and she can't believe that he's going this crazy. Howard said that she must be the voice of sanity and she must be right. He said that anyone who wants to sit there can sit there without permission. He said he doesn't even get why anyone would want to sit there. Robin said that if he got to see the Space Shuttle, wouldn't he want to sit in the captains chair. Howard said no but Robin thinks that anyone would want to sit there and that's what his chair is like.
Doug said that he wasn't trying to sneak this picture in and he really didn't catch him doing anything wrong. Doug asked Howard if he's going to put his kid in the chair when he and Beth finally have a kid. Howard told him he's not having a kid and he wouldn't sit them in that chair.
Howard said that he wanted to know where Doug's car was so he could sit his kids in his car. Doug said that anyone can do anything they want to his stuff, except shit in his bed. Howard told everyone he just wants people to ask him if it's okay to do something like that. Doug asked if he would hold his kid if he brought her in. He said he would never do that but he wanted to know. Howard said he has no desire to hold anyone's kid and anyone who makes you pose with their kid is sick.
Doug said that he wouldn't put his kid on that couch they have in the studio because of all of the porn stars that have sat there. He said he knows that Howard is clean. Howard told him that he should go have his kid sit in Mel Karmazin's chair. Doug said he doesn't work there, that's why he wouldn't do that. He doesn't think that this is disrespectful at all and told Howard to take some calls about this.
Howard took a call and the guy told him that he's out of his mind with this stuff. He said that it makes for great radio but he's fuckin' crazy. Howard said that everything is loosie goosie around there. Doug said that he never disrespects Howard and that's not what he was doing with this.
Tim Sabean came in and said that they were going through the names of the people who they think have no business being in the offices there. He said that they want people to stay the fuck out of that area. He said that they just wander around there and they think that it's okay. Howard said that it makes him crazy when he sees people that don't belong back there wandering around. He said that he has to ask Ross to stay out of there because it isn't a club house.
Gary said that they used to have a lot of technical people on the list of people who were allowed back there and they had to cut that list down to stop the people from coming in. Tim said that people claim they have a lot of important work to do there and that's just not the case and he wants them to stay the fuck out of there.
Tim said that if someone hits the board or the buttons on the console, it can screw things up. Doug told Tim to go kiss Howard's ass more. He said he would never touch anything over there and he didn't let his daughter do that. He knows that Howard is going to tell him after this that it was just a bit for radio.
Double A called in and said he agrees with Howard about all of this and he would never do something like Doug did. Fred said that he's not sure he'd take his word for this because he's a name dropper and he's heard things about him taking stuff that doesn't belong to him and things like that. Howard said that Double A has a picture of him on his business card too and it true that Double A is name dropping. Double A said he doesn't claim that he works for Howard but he is part of the show.
Double A wanted to tell Howard not to ruin that perfect body of Beth's. He said that he saw Jessica Alba on Letterman last night and she looks horrendous.
Bobo called in and said that he got a tour of the studio one time and they were all told that they aren't to go anywhere near the console. He said that they were up there to do the Superfan Roundtable show and they were all kept away from that stuff. Howard said that he wants a velvet rope set up around his console so people will stay away form that stuff.
Robin asked Howard if he would let his father sit in the chair. Howard said his father would never come up there and do that. He said that Doug wouldn't let his kid sit on the couch in there because of germs, he's feeling the same way about his chair, he doesn't want everyone sitting in that chair and putting their germs on it.
Robin said that Doug wasn't giving Howard the shiv by putting his daughter in the chair. He wasn't trying to disrespect him at all, he never disrespects him like that. Tim said he thinks that it's innocent but no one should ever be behind that console other than Howard.
Bobo asked if they had more free reign over at K-Rock. Howard said that it was worse over there, they let anyone in that studio and anyone could sit in there.
Doug said that he got thrown out of the baby shower yesterday and he's not sure why. Howard told him that it's a ladies shower and he had no business being there. Doug said he showed up at the end of the party. Howard said that's not what happened, he showed up an hour into it. Robin said it was more like an hour and a half. She said that when his wife called him, he was there within seconds. Doug said it was only 6 blocks away.
Howard said that the girls saw Doug staring at them with those bug eyes of his and that's why they threw him out. He said that they wanted to do some girl talk and they didn't want a man in there. Howard said he just wants people to stay off his chair or at least ask his permission. Fred told Howard to lock that chair up because Doug is planning on having more kids and he'll probably be bringing them in. Howard told Doug to take a picture of the chair and just photoshop the kid into it.
Artie did an impression of Doug's kid and told Howard that she took a steaming shit in his chair. He also said that his father was a lunatic. Howard said that Doug didn't bother putting his kid into Benjy's chair. He kicked Doug out after that and said that twas the first hour of the show taken care of.
KC has all kinds of teeth problems and a double hernia as well. He's a mess. He told Howard about the hernia and how freaky that looks. He said that he used to have an innie belly button but now it's an outie. Artie said that Howard has an outie too. Howard said that's an Audi, not an outie.
KC said that he sharted yesterday too when he was e-mailing Gary because he was so nervous about everything. He thanked Howard for letting him plug this stuff and said that they're still his family. He got off the phone a short time later.
Artie said that KC always wanted to go to California and he really likes it out there. Robin said that things don't sound that good for him though.
Howard and the guys spent a few more minutes talking about Doug's picture in the chair. Artie asked if he thinks that Rob Burnett would ever do that over at Letterman and have his kid sit in Letterman's chair. Howard said that Rob would never even think of doing that because he's too busy and too creative to sit his kid in Letterman's chair.
Artie said that he likes that Fred said that he would never do this because he knows that this is what would happen. Fred said that's right and he's not sure what show Doug works for because he should know that this is what would happen too. Artie said that if he's going to sit his kid in Howard's chair, he should stick the kid on the couch too.
Howard said that he's happy to hear that he's not calling her. Eric said that he's staying busy working and he's also been working with Eric the Midget on that Johnny Fratto Social Club web site JFSC.tv. Howard was going to let him go but Eric told Artie about the woman he brought to the comedy show the other night. He said it wasn't the chick that he threatened, it was someone else that he's known for 3 years. Howard let him go and went to break a short time later.
Scott came in and said that he did sell more than 10 when Howard asked him about that. Scott said that they have new software to go along with the Video Caddy and they're trying to figure out which way to go with that. Howard said he didn't care and sent him away.
Lisa said that she spoke to Dr. Brady from the Marshall Chess Club where Howard went to play last week. She said that he said that Howard was actually very good at the game. Howard said that he'd like her to leave the man alone. She said that they really didn't care that Howard had walked into the room there either. Lisa said that Scott Ferrall is going to Arizona for the Super Bowl and he's going to have a bunch of Hooter's girls there with him.
Howard asked Joel if he's a nerdy black guy. Joel said that he's really not, but he does work at the Gap. He said that he stocks the shelves there at night. Howard asked him how old he is. He's 26 and he started this ball when he was 22. Howard wondered what would possess him to do this. He said it seems like a waste of time. Joel said that he thinks that he could do his ball better than the old balls. He said that his will weigh about twice as much as the current record holder. He said that he got 5000 pounds from a sponsor and they helped him out with that.
Joel said that he lives in his aunt's house and not at his parent's house. He said that he gets to live there for free. Howard wondered if he gets laid, or if he ever got laid. Joel said that he's not a virgin but he hasn't gotten laid in about a year. Howard said he'd put more energy into getting laid rather than this rubber band ball.
He said that the rubber bands on this ball look like they're specially made. He said that they are huge rubber bands that are made for furniture. He said that he's constantly adding to it and it sits outside of his house all the time. He said that people tell him he's wasting his time but lately they've changed their minds.
Joel said that he hasn't filed to get into the Guinness Book of World Records. Artie asked him if he would get upset if someone sat their kid on the ball and took a picture. He said he wouldn't.
Howard asked Joel if he would be the one black guy at a Van Halen concert. He said he's into Marilyn Manson and rap and pretty much everything else. Howard asked him some other questions trying to figure this guy out. He asked if he plays chess or something like that. He said he doesn't.
Gary said that he's heard that if these rubber bands snap back when he's putting them on, they can rip through his pants. Howard asked him how many women he's had in his life. He said that it's probably 4 or 5. Howard said that he's still young so he has time to get more.
Howard asked Joel what else he's working on. He said that he's going to go for a record of the most needles in his face. Howard tried to give him some advice and told him not to be sticking needles in his face. He's doing stupid things and he really doesn't need to do this. Joel said that he is thinking of going back to school for zoology. He said he'd like to study animals but he doesn't like water and he can't swim so he won't be doing anything in the water.
Howard told Joel to get to work and make a future for himself. Joel said that he's hoping to be able to take this rubber band ball to car shows and stuff. Howard said he likes this guy and he wished him luck with Guinness. Artie told him to call them when the ball gets to 20,000 pounds. Joel said that he's going to throw it out of an airplane when it gets that big. Howard asked him if he's ever rubbed up against the ball and had sex with it. He said he never did. He's not in love with the ball either.
Howard asked if the ball has a name. Joel said that it's called either Nugget or Megaton. He said that he once got hit in the balls by a snapped rubber band and he was knocked out for about 15 minutes. Artie got a laugh out of that. Artie asked him if he likes that song Rubber Band Man. Joel said that he's not a fan of that.
Howard asked Joel who he is supporting in the election. Joel said that it will probably be Hillary Clinton. Howard said he might call the campaign headquarters and tell them that Rubber Band Man Joel Waul support her.
Howard said that Joel is still working on his ball but he's probably got the official world's largest ball. He just has to get the confirmation from Guinness. Howard asked if he's every thought about making a giant ball of feces. Joel said that he'd probably pass out trying to make something like that.
Howard let Joel go a short time later. Artie said that's pretty impressive if you ask him. Robin said that he could probably have a giant ball of drugs if he had saved them instead of doing them.
Howard read some articles about the XM/SIRIUS merger and how people just want it to go through already. He read one article where they list other mergers and how long they took to go through. The chevron/Texaco merger went through in less time. There were some other companies like phone companies that went through in much less time.
Howard said he had another article about an advertiser that's suing Don Imus over some disparaging remarks he made about their company. Howard said that the guy is shitting all over this company and they have every right to sue and he hopes that they win.
Howard said that they have a lot more to get to today. He said that he's going to get to the Gary Garver stuff after the break. He has some stuff about Benjy and some Richard Simmons crying clips to play too. He was talking about how right Tim Sabean was about keeping the halls clear there of all people they don't need back there in the offices.
Howard said that they were going to start blocking the people who don't need key access to that area. He said that he loves Scott Greenstein but he uses his card to come back and use their bathrooms. He said that Ross does that as well and it's making him nuts.
Howard said that it's like a social club back there and he wants it stopped. Gary said that JD told him that on Friday it's the SIRIUS tour day and they bring people through there. Howard said they have to put a stop to that as well. He complained about all of that for a few minutes and then went to break.
Howard said he heard that there's a satellite that's failed and it's supposed to come crashing down sometime in the next couple of weeks. He quickly went over that and then said he was going to get to the Gary Garver stuff.
Fred played a clip of Scott the Engineer saying ''Fuck everyone!'' and that led to Howard talking about Scott's black cloud and how he had to pay an extra $10 to park a car that he doesn't usually drive there. Howard said that everyone else gets away with it and they let them slide, but not Scott. Scott said that it's got to be him. He said that he even gave the guy a nice Christmas gift.
Howard heard that Scott was pissed that he wasn't going to Amsterdam with the rest of the guys for Jason's bachelor party. Scott said he wasn't mad, all he said was that he wasn't invited. He said Doug Goodstein asked him and he told him he just wasn't invited. Howard said that Scott was the only one who wasn't invited to Will's wedding too. Scott said that he's used to that now.
Howard asked Will why he didn't invite Scott. Will came in and said that Scott is the cut off. He said that he invited some of the interns and he's really not that friendly with Scott. He said he felt like he had to invite some people, but not Scott. He said he's really a buzz kill at parties and he's glad he didn't invite him. He said that he isn't hurt over it. Scott told Will that he's an asshole but he said he was already over it.
Howard said that he doesn't get the bachelor party and how Jason is making people fly to Amsterdam. Jason came in and said he's not making anyone do anything they don't want to. He's always wanted to go there and that's what he's doing. He said that he didn't ask any married guys to go and he never even thought about inviting Scott. He said that he is a buzz kill and he probably wouldn't have gone anyway. Scott said that's him, Buzz Kill Salem.
Howard said that he was going to have a little wedding for him and Beth and Scott was probably going to be left off of that invite list. He said that they had it figured that they were going to do something private for the family and then do some stuff with friends. He said he wanted to keep it down to 80 people and that was it. He didn't want to be Fred and get married on a beach and not invite anyone. Fred said that it was much easier that way. Fred said he has no problem with his friends resenting him over that.
Robin pointed out the wedding thing and how he got upset with her for going out to dinner with Howard for his birthday. She said he had no right to get mad at her for that when he didn't invite her to his wedding.
Howard said that Beth came up with a list of people for this party and she had some other famous people on the list. He said that he wasn't sure he wanted to do that because famous people are expecting to see other famous people, not getting stuck sitting next to Scott the Engineer.
Howard said that the problem getting married is that they have all of these people he works with. He said that it's the difference between having 80 people and 130 people. He said that if he invites any of this group from work, he has to invite them all. He said that Benjy has to be on the list of the second group, not the main group of Robin, Fred, Artie and Gary.
Fred suggested that they get a screening room and stick the second tier of people somewhere that they can watch the other party for the first tier. Howard said that if he goes that ''Fab Five'' route and invites no one else, he'd be fine. If he invites Jason and Will, then other people will feel hurt. He said that there's no way that Sal is going to get invited no matter what. He said that he was talking to Beth about that and how she said that she would never let him come because of the names that he's called her in the past. He said that she goes berserk when his name comes up.
Sal came in and said that he feels like he's kind of paid for those Hampton's weekends that they have, indirectly, and he's gotten past all of that stuff and he's kept his mouth shut since he upset Beth. Sal ended up comparing himself to Hitler's soldiers who threw the Jews into the ovens. Fred said it seemed like he was about to blame Howard for all of that stuff he said about Beth.
Howard said that Richard is fine coming to the wedding. Beth has no problem with him. Robin said that Sal and Beth were actually close for a while until he let loose with his jokes. He blew it.
Howard said that he and Beth talked about this Sal thing and she's never going to let him come. She would let Sal's wife come to the wedding though. Howard said that they should have her there and let her bring her emotional friend with her. Sal said he can live with that if that's really Beth's wish.
Howard said he knows that he's going to hurt a lot of people by not inviting them. He said that he's got other friends that he has to invite and they don't work with him. He said that Jimmy Kimmel wants to know when he's getting married because a friend of his is getting married this year too. Howard said that he is inviting Jimmy because he's so close to him. He's a definite invite. If he invites him to that he'll have to invite John Stamos. He's not sure about Sam Simon but Beth wants him there because she wants him there.
Sal said that it sounds like Howard is letting Beth control this whole wedding thing and he's letting her wear the pants in that relationship. He thinks that Howard really wants him there and he's letting Beth control it. Howard said that he's probably not even going to have the second tier guys there anyway.
Howard said that there's no way he's going to be able to keep it to 80 people. He said that it's almost impossible to do that.
Garver asked Vanessa if she's worried about Artie Lange's health. She said that she listens to him every day and she would like to help him get healthy. Garver asked her if she's ever had sex in her movie trailer. She said she did that once in a B-movie she did one time. She didn't say the name of the guy but they looked him up and found out that his name was Sam Jones. He played Flash Gordon in a movie that she was in.
Garver also asked her to describe Howard in one word. She said that he's amazing. The guys talked about how into the show she seems to be and how cool that was. Artie asked her to come out and help him out with his diet so he can bang her. Howard told Gary to call Vanessa and ask her if she'd bang Artie if he lost 100 pound in four months.
Howard said that Hal Holbrook was up next with Garver. He said that he's in a new movie called ''Into the Wild.'' Howard said that he got irritated with Gary pretty quick. In the clip Garver asked Hal if he misses the spotlight. Hal asked in what sense he means that. Garver asked him if he's been doing anything lately. Hal told him about the movie that he was there to talk about and how he had worked with Sean Penn. Then Garver asked him if he's tired of the Jews running the entertainment business. Hal said that was a ridiculous question and told him that it wasn't good thinking. Garver asked him if he had ever had sex in his trailer and he walked away.
Up next was John Laroquette. Howard played that one and Garver has some trouble getting his line out. He asked John about some Anti-Semitic remarks that Mel Gibson made but he wasn't able to get out the words. There wasn't much of a response from John.
Howard played the next interview with Chris O'Donnell. Garver asked him if he had any funny stories about Artie. Chris said that he was just listening to the show in his car. He said he didn't have any good stories and Artie seemed to have the good stories to tell himself. Chris said that he is worried about his weight though. He said it looks like Artie is having a good time and he'd hate to see him kill himself. Garver asked him if he thinks that Artie could have banged Renee Zellwegger like he claimed he could have. Chris said he thinks that maybe he should have tried. Gary asked him if he's ever had any sex partners that had smelly genitals. Chris said that they do have to keep clean or he wouldn't be with them. Garver asked Chris to describe Howard in one word but he gave him ''he's the man.''
Up next was John Daly. Garver asked him some questions about OJ, Britney Spears and things like that. Daly said that he loves Britney Spears and he'd love to have her baby sit him. He said that he doesn't care about what other people think about her. Gary asked John if he listens to the Howard Stern Show. John said he does. He asked him to describe him in one word. He said ''Funny in a dirty way.'' Garver asked him about voting for a Scientologist for President. Daly didn't know what a Scientologist was. He asked him a few more questions about having a partner with smelly genitals. John said that he has but after 5 minutes or so you don't worry about it anymore.
Howard said that Garver got an interview with Taylor Hicks from American Idol. He asked Taylor if he listens to Howard. He said that he actually does and he'd do the show. He said that maybe Howard is the one with smelly genitals after Garver asked him about that. Howard said that his penis probably does smell because he pees on his balls and it just gets stinky down there. He said he doesn't like to touch his penis when he goes to the bathroom and just lets it dribble down his balls. He said that he doesn't want to wash his hands so he doesn't touch it. Howard said that all of this stuff goes through his head and it's always a conversation in there.
That smelly balls conversation led to Artie bringing up Jim Florentine's balls and then Howard was asking her if his balls are as big as Jim claims they are. Robin said that she has no idea what he's talking about. She said that she and Jim are waiting for marriage before they have sex. She was giggling when she said it though. The guys asked her if she would marry Jim if he asked her to do that. Robin just laughed. Fred did his Jim impression and asked Robin to marry him. Howard thinks that Robin will eventually be married even though she may not realize it now. She said ''whatever''' and didn't seem to believe that it was ever going to happen.
Howard moved on to another Garver interview with Tom Driessen. Garver started out with ''Do you miss the spotlight?'' Driessen told him that he's in the spotlight and he still does over 385 shows a year. Then he walked away. Howard said that might be the best question ever.
Howard said he can't believe that Artie didn't bang these chicks. Artie said that the girls were in his room and hung out for a while but then they left. He didn't have sex with them. He said that they didn't get naked either. Howard asked him a few questions about getting his finger in them but he said that didn't happen either. He swore to god that it didn't happen.
Howard asked if he really shot pool with them. He said that they did hit the ball around but they didn't really play. He said that they could ask Teddy if they wanted to and he'll confirm the story. Artie also said that he never snorted coke off their asses. Howard asked him if he ever did that with a woman. Artie said that he actually did. Howard said that he had to take a break before bringing the girls in. He checked out the picture that Artie had with the girls and said that it looks like he was trying to cop a feel. Artie said that he had a good time hanging out with the girls at the AVN Awards.
Howard said he has to ask the girls why they didn't at least blow Artie after the AVNs. Artie aids he'd like to know that as well. Howard said he's not sure which girl he'd want over the other. He asked Artie which one he'd pick. Artie was still going with the girl from Belize. He said he really likes that one. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said that these two girls hooked up with Artie out in Vegas when he was out there for the AVN awards. He said that one of the girls goes by the name Prinzzess. Her real name is Sarah and she said that it means Princess but the name Princess was already taken for a web site so she went with Prinzzess. Howard also introduced Erica Ellyson who was also at the AVN awards with Artie.
Erica said that she was able to get to Artie through Teddy. She said that she's single too so Howard asked her about what went on with her out in Vegas. He said that Prinzzess is engaged but Erica isn't. He wondered why they didn't do anything with him. Artie said he didn't even know it was a date but both of the girls said that it was a date.
Prinzzess said that she would go out with Artie even if it wasn't dinner and it was just hanging out. She said that she likes Artie but she has a fiancé and a girlfriend. She said that she hasn't fucked anyone else but she may have let someone put a finger in her. Artie asked if she was saying that she'd let him make out with her tonight. He said that he could take them to Letterman tonight. The girls seemed to like that idea.
Howard said he thinks that Artie may have been afraid to put the moves on the girls. They said that he was very nice and a gentleman. Howard asked if they were really playing pool that night in his hotel room. They didn't seem to remember that but Artie said there was a pool table right there in the room.
Howard asked the girls what they thought Artie wanted. One of the girls said that they must have intimidated him and he didn't go for it with them. Artie said that they're talking a big game right now, he got the vibe that they weren't into him. They said that they probably weren't interested in him that night.
Howard asked Erica if she was interested in him that night. She laughed but she said that she would have gone on a second date with him. Howard said that they have to commit to putting out if they're going to go to Letterman tonight. One of the girls said she's heading home this afternoon. Howard asked if either of the girls wanted to go. They both wanted to go to Letterman so Howard was trying to make a deal for Artie.
Howard said that Artie is going to go to Letterman and he's going to be in all his glory. He said that every comedian wants to be on Letterman and the girls would be treated like a queen over there. He said that they're going to take pictures of the girls on his arm and all of that good stuff. He said that when they go back to his room at the hotel, the girls will have to give him some treats. He said that a night with Artie will take them to the next level and out of the obscurity they're in. He said that joking around.
Howard asked Prinzzess what Artie could get if he took her to Letterman. She aids that it would depend on how nice he is. She said that he jus