| Monday | Tuesday |
|
|
| Wednesday | Thursday |
|
|
| Friday | |
|
Howard started off the show talking about his big birthday weekend after Robin brought it up. He said that Robin left him a message and she was caught in an avalanche of well wishers over the weekend. He said that he had a lot of people calling him but he wasn't making a big deal out of it. He said that Benjy got him a pair of pants that Ivy gave him. He said they were jeans or something but he hasn't tried them on yet.
Gary said that he thinks that those pants are from Tommy Hilfiger's brother. He said that they're like stiletto pants with slits on the side. He said he will try them on but he's not sure if he's going to like them. He said he's tough to fit too so they may just not fit. He said that they looked like they'd fit when he held them up to himself.
Robin said she got a message from Ivy saying that Benjy is a sex addict. Howard said that she's just about messaging everyone.
Howard said that some of the people were saying he looked good but he thought that he looked old and haggard. He said he did have a good time once he got out there on stage with Dave. Robin said that they did kind of get into a wrestling match when Dave tried to keep control of the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him that he looked good but Gary looked fuckin' ugly. Howard said Gary really took a hit there and got bashed in the mail. Gary came in and said that he was on for 2 and a half seconds so he's not sure why people are focusing on him.
Howard read through more of the mail about Gary's appearance and how his teeth were so bright they blocked Beth out. Someone wrote in and said that Gary looked like a beaver on steroids. Gary said he wants to hang himself after reading that kind of stuff on a Sunday night.
Howard said he got a lot of mail from some people who graduated from the college that Dr. Phil graduated from. He said they weren't happy. Another caller told him how good he was on Letterman and gave Artie a ''faggot'' shout out for no apparent reason. He thought it was odd that he and Dave touched each other's faces and hair during that appearance.
Howard and the guys talked about how Dave usually doesn't like to be touched. That led to Artie talking about how Dave had once taken a piece of Jennifer Aniston's hair and put it in his mouth. He said it was very odd and Jennifer looked horrified.
Howard said that he was talking to David Spade the other day and heard from Ralph that he was dating Jennifer Aniston. David wouldn't confirm that though. Gary asked why he hasn't been coming on the show lately. Howard said he's up for doing it but Gary said he's been through town lately and hasn't come in. Howard said that they may have to call him and ask him again.
Gary said that he's been dealing with publicists so maybe that's why he hasn't gotten the message. Fred thought that maybe he was still upset about Howard complaining about him doing the speech about him. Howard said he claims that he's over that.
Howard and the guys talked about Spade for a short time and also about some other stars who have been on a tear lately. They were talking about 50 Cent and how they claim that he's been gaining a lot of weight lately. Howard said he never thought of him as being fat but he's seen pictures.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who said that he was great on Letterman. Howard said that he wasn't into going on the show but things did go okay. He said his father and mother called him and told him how good he was. He said his mother told him he was terrific. Robin said someone told her that they thought that Don Buchwald, who was sitting next to Beth, was his father. Howard said they'd better not tell Don that.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Letterman kept hyping up the musical guest more than Howard like they were going to be the highlight of the show. Howard said that he's right, he thought the same thing. He said that the woman in the band was a very lovely woman and he was rooting for her to do well on the show. He said that she was very nice and they were telling him that he was very funny and things like that.
Artie said that he was all nervous and he heard Letterman say ''so there's one to write home about'' after he introduced all of the guests.
Robin asked Howard if they did a Top 10 list that night. Howard said that they did the funniest Top 10 list ever about the guy who found out his wife was a hooker when he went to a brothel and found her there. He said that they did the list and it was the top 10 things you'd say when you find out your wife's a whore. He said it was really good and he thought it was very well written. He ended up staying on for 3 segments because things were going so well. He thought they were going to keep him for 2 and let him go. They must have cut out the Top 10 to get the show down to the right time. They didn't cut the other odd stuff they were doing so that's what got cut.
Robin said she could tell it was cut because of the way they went to Howard. Artie said he was out late on Thursday night. He ended up calling Howard after that appearance because he thought it was so great. He said that they've got a great rapport now and he had to call him to let him know.
The caller asked Howard if he saw the look on Dave's face when he brought up the article about breathing life into the show. Howard said he did see that and Dave cut him off so he must have been upset about that.
Howard said that Ralph asked him if he thought Artie was going to be in today because he was probably out there partying and stuff. Artie said that he missed most of the Giants game last night because he was flying home. He said he rushed home and got to see some of the game.
Artie said that he knew that he'd be in the air for part of the game and that was going to make the flight go faster. Robin said that would make her feel like it was longer, not shorter. Artie said it's the opposite for him. He said he got some super Ambien on the flight too and that really knocked him out. That's the Ambien CR. Artie said that a guy had a computer going and told him the scores as he was flying home. He said that he was fighting sleep while the guy was telling him that. He said he never got the scores but the guy told him that he could.
Artie said that the Ambien CR was from a guy who weighed about 180 pounds so he figured he'd have to take 2 to get himself knocked out. Those pills didn't knock him out until about 2 hours into the flight. He said once he got off the flight he was like a zombie.
Artie said that they usually get a 7am flight to fly out of Vegas so they can stay up all Saturday night and just leave at 5 in the morning. He said that he and Teddy were out there having a good time. JD wasn't able to make it. He said that he's always gold on Howard TV and Goodstein wouldn't fly him out there. Howard said he should have told him that.
Doug Goodstein came in and that he thought Artie was going to fly JD out there. Doug said that he was asked on Wednesday if they could do that and it was too late at that point. Doug blamed Teddy for the fuck up but Artie said that things were kind of screwed up because of JD's jury duty. He said that they didn't know until the day before that he could go. Artie said it wasn't Teddy's fault.
Artie said that he didn't get laid out there, he said it was a gambling weekend. Howard asked him if he saw Jenna Jameson's retirement speech. Artie said that he's worried for her because she looks like death warmed over. He said that she's way too thin. Howard said she announced that she's never going to show her pussy again but Robin said that she's done that before.
Howard asked for the announcement that Jenna made. JD said that he had it. They showed some pictures of her and they were all shocked at how bad she looked. She was with her man Tito Ortiz. Howard played the clip of her giving this speech when she got her award. The audio was from a fan who sent it in but the quality was so low that he wanted to hold off and get better. He said that he wasn't sure if he wanted to play it. Artie told him to maybe hold off. Howard ended up playing it anyway.
In the clip Jenna talks about how she will never spread her legs again in the industry. Artie asked if she'll give head. Howard said he might have her on a technicality there. He said that she could go back and do that.
Artie talked about the lunatics that show up to those events and how crazy things get out there. He said he had a suite up there with 4 bedrooms and a pool table. He said he played poker until 9 o'clock in the morning. He said he got in on Friday about 4pm. He said that he landed, went to shoot some stuff for Greg Fitzsimmons TV show. He went to his hotel room and he wrote some parodies about the porn star chicks and they all had to go to his room to shoot them. He said that the porno chicks would come in and they'd do whatever they told them to do.
Artie said that they were messing around with the girls and then Ron Jeremy shows up and fucks the girls. It was all just a goof though. He said it was a good move on Greg's part. He said that Greg's wife was there so he wasn't getting laid. He said he was really good at the awards show thought and did an awesome fuckin job hosting.
Artie said that he had to go rehearse what he had to do on the awards show. He said that meant that he had to write what he wanted to do there. He didn't know what to do but he did get to walk out with a couple of chicks. He said that he decided to do a thing where he was going to tell the girls that his catch phrase was Nick Manning's ''Droppin Loads'' and he'd have Nick push him out of the way. That was fine but then he wanted to do a joke for this Best Anal thing. He came up with something but they told him it was too racy! Too racy for the porn awards on Showtime. He said the joke was something from his stand up act but they told him it was taboo. He said that they cut that and he just did something else in rehearsal.
Artie said that the appearance went good but he didn't get to see Richard and Benjy's appearance. Benjy said that they let them write something and it turned out to be not so funny. He said that they both did a joke at the beginning. Richard said that they did okay but the writing wasn't so great over there. Howard said that's because the writer's strike is going on.
Howard said that the guys were saying that they were afraid of getting their segments cut if they did something wrong. Benjy's voice was gone so Richard said that he was nuts out there yelling and screaming.
Howard asked Benjy if he got laid. Benjy said he didn't. Richard said he didn't get laid either because he has a girlfriend. Richard said Artie was hanging with a bunch of chicks out there and he wasn't sure if he got anything. Artie laughed and said he didn't get laid. He said that there are things that he can't get into once in a while so he can't say.
Artie said that he was gambling until 8am on Saturday morning. He went to bed at about 9am and slept until after 8pm that day. Teddy woke him up and told him that there were two Penthouse pets who wanted to get into the show by going with him. He said that he told Teddy to show off the room and told Teddy to bring them back up to the room. Teddy came back up with the girls and his new agent Rich Super. He said that his accountant's name is Steve Brilliant. He said that's going to end up meaning that when he gets old, he's going to be ''Artie Broke.''
Artie said that the chicks were stunning and only about 22 years old. Howard got some pictures of them and said they really were hot. Artie said that he looks like a lottery winner in the picture. Howard told him that they look like two of the hottest chicks.
Artie talked about how one of the girls was from Belize and she'll be coming up in a couple of weeks. He said that they were Princess and Erica. He went on to talk about how he went out on stage and did his thing after bringing the girls with him to the show. He said that he wanted to see Richard and Benjy do their thing but he didn't want to stick around at the show. He told the girls that he had to leave so he told them they could stay. They wanted to hang out with him so he was going to take them to dinner. As they walked out, there was a line of guys who wanted to meet him. It was a bunch of guys in football shirts and it was like a mile long. He said there were guys yelling his name and wanting to take pictures. He said the girls really wanted to be part of that so they were all taking pictures. He said it took them a half hour to get through the line.
Artie said that the girl from Belize said that he was like a celebrity. After that they went out to eat. Howard asked if the girls grabbed his cock. Artie said that Teddy did. He said that it was just the four of them. Teddy, the two girls and Artie. He went on to say that he told the girls to get whatever they wanted. The bill ended up being $600. They all hung out and talked during dinner and there wasn't much else going on there. He said that the girls both have boyfriends so they couldn't mess around. He said that one of the girls had a boyfriend who is in the military and just got back from Iraq. There was more to it but Artie was playing it down.
Artie said that the girls came back to his room again and they all shot pool and stuff. After about 3 or 4 hours they left. Howard said that sounded nice. He said that he didn't need any soldier mad at him or anything so he didn't want to get into trouble there.
Artie said that these girls are going to be the best guests on the show. He said that he was out at the Penthouse Pet club there in Vegas and there were like 1000 women there dancing in a place that must have been 24,000 square feet. He said that all of the girls were extremely hot. He had a great weekend out there but ended up down about 2 grand after all was said and done.
Howard said that the blonde in the picture had really good skin. Artie said that he told her that she did. Gary came in and told him that they're not booked on the show. Artie wasn't sure if they should book them or not but Gary said that they probably should.
Howard said he had a good time on Letterman. Mariann was going nuts telling him how good he looked and how great he did. Howard said that he thought that he looked like he had hit the wall so hard. He said it was like a head on collision with that wall and Letterman looked better than him. Mariann told him to stop that.
A caller said that he can't believe that Beth can fuck him looking the way he does. He was telling Howard that he looked awful on that show. Howard said that he was sad for Beth seeing himself on TV. He thinks that he looks like a monster. The guys told him to stop that, he's not that bad looking. Howard said that there's nothing that he can do with his looks. He said that he is what he is and he will never be known for his beauty. He said that he can't disagree with this caller.
Artie said that he looked really bad on Letterman the last time he was on. He told Howard that he looked really good in that suit and it fit him good. Howard said that's the one that Dominic Barbara's suit guy, Anthony, made for him.
The caller on the line asked to come to the next roast but Howard told him that he could come to one but they don't have one planned. They're taking a break from that. The guy asked for a tour instead so Howard set him up with that. He said he was going to give him that even though he was goofing on him. Howard said that he knows he's not a good looking guy but he is funny so he's fine with that.
Robin asked Artie if Rev. Bob Levy's engagement party went on out there in Vegas. Artie said that it did happen and they all went to that. They all had a good time at the party but Bob is looking really tired these days. He said he looks like he's going to fall asleep at any moment.
Richard said that Dan the Song Parody Man was out there and he was hanging out with a midget. Artie said that Jeff Beecher has a bunch of midgets there and they all get really, really drunk.
Howard heard that Benjy went to Vegas with no money so that led to Richard talking about what happened with all of that. Benjy had forgotten his ID and all of his money so he ended up trying to cash a personal check out there but couldn't make that happen. Artie said that those two wore suits and they looked like they had just come from an insurance convention or something.
Richard said that on Friday night they went to a rehearsal and took a cab back with some other people so they could split the cost. He said that Benjy had to stop at a Walgreen's to get something and had to inconvenience everyone. Howard cut him off there and told him that he's pretty sure that no one cares.
Dominic Barbara called in and told Howard about how great he was on Letterman and how good he looked in his suit. He said that the suit was made by this guy Anthony Gilberto.
Howard said that he's done with doing Letterman now and he will never go on again. He thanked Dave for everything but he's done now. That led to the guys talking about how Letterman had come out to say hello to Howard before the show started. He said that he seemed to be very uncomfortable doing that. He said he did have a good time doing it though.
Howard said that he and Benjy came up with the Nodoro subject to talk about on Letterman. He had a whole list of other things to talk about during that appearance but he didn't get to it all. He said that he wanted to read the whole commercial for that product but Dave cut him off.
Dominic told Howard to buy 10 of those suits that Anthony made. Howard said he really did like it. The guys all kissed Howard's ass a little more about the Letterman appearance before Howard said he had to go to break. Artie ended up talking about seeing Robin Leach out there and how he still seems to be able to get the chicks. He said that Pauly Shore was out there hanging out too. He spent a couple of minutes telling Howard about that stuff. Howard said he had to take a break a short time later.
Eric said he was calling in to preempt some stuff because he thought he was going to be a big thing after this weekend. Howard said that he likes Eric but he's not sure why he thinks that he'd be a big topic this morning. Eric said that he was a big topic on SFN. He said that he made two big posts over there and he's boycotting them until they get better. Howard said that he doesn't think that anyone cares about that. He asked Eric if he really thinks that anyone cares.
Howard asked what else he's doing that would make him such a big subject today. Artie asked him if he boycotted shitting himself too. Eric said he tried calling the Playboy radio show and they treated him like crap over there. He said that the producer over there acted like a complete asshole. He said that the screener didn't even take the time to ask him why he was calling. Howard said that shows that they don't think that he's a good caller. His best bet is to just call Howard's show instead. Artie told Eric that he's really good at nothing. Eric told Artie he's good at being fat. Artie told him that being fat got him a shore house.
Howard said that if he knew that this was why Eric was calling his show, he never would have picked up. He asked Eric if he's happy about the new American Idol season starting up. Eric said that he is and he'll be doing a show on the JFSC site on Tuesday night as he's watching the show.
Howard was going to let Eric go but he had more to say. He kept him on but then Ralph called in and Eric got all pissed about that. He said that Ralph calls in every time he's on the phone. Howard asked Eric if he's heard anything from this Kendra chick. Eric said that she was out at Johnny Fratto's house over the weekend shooting his TV show pilot. Howard said he heard that she's dating Johnny's son. Eric said that's not true. He said he got a call from her over the weekend. He said that she called him, he didn't call her. He said that she was at Johnny's doing the show but didn't come out to see him. Howard said that if she was really in love with him, she'd want to see him. Ralph also suggested Eric the incredibly delusional idiot as a new name for him.
Howard asked Eric if she was really that into him, she'd want to come down to his house. Eric said that she has to work and she doesn't have time to do that. Eric said that was a last minute thing. Howard said he doesn't want to see him get used by this chick. Artie said he does.
Eric asked Howard to get him some tickets to the Super Bowl and maybe he could bring this Kendra to see that. The guys pointed out that Eric doesn't do anything for them but he makes demands all the time. Eric said that he's not Howard's puppet. Howard told him that he's not his puppet either.
Robin said that Eric does seem to be a little delusional. Ralph said that his name is starting to stick! The guys asked Eric if Kendra has said that she loves him yet. Eric said that she hasn't said it yet but she's getting close. They talked about how Eric and Kendra haven't even met each other but Eric is calling her his girlfriend. Howard said that it's tough to develop a relationship when you're just talking over the phone.
Eric told the guys that when he and Kendra talk, they're on their web cam all the time. Howard said that he would like to fly both Eric and Kendra out there and have the two of them filmed. He said that would get both of them to meet each other. He said that he will tell Kendra to put up or shut up. He said that he'll even have Ralph in the studio to help out. Eric said that he'll have to talk to Kendra about this before he makes that commitment.
Robin said that she'll never agree to come there and meet Eric. They also asked him about his hair color this morning because it looked a little more natural. Eric said that it's a family history thing and he can't help that he's grey.
Howard said that he wants to help Eric out and get him and Kendra there to meet up. Eric said that he'd talk to her about it and let them know. Howard let Eric go a short time later. Ralph told Eric he really does love him and he's his biggest fan. Eric told him that he's obsessed. He said he's sick of Ralph calling in when he's on.
Howard asked Eric what he wanted to be called and we heard ''Eric the Bastard'' from another one of those audio clips. Then we heard Eric the Butt Fucker, Eric the Idiot, Eric the Actor, Eric the Retard and others. Howard said they were just fucking with him. Eric told everyone to go to JFSC.tv tomorrow night to watch him do his American Idol recap. Artie threw in some more Eric the... names since they had so many new ones today.
Howard was going to let Eric go but he threw in a joke about Artie going to cry on his bed. Eric told him to do that and Artie told him to go fuck his bed. Howard let Eric go a short time later as Ralph did his impression of him saying ''Bye for now...'' Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said that one of his heroes is going to be on the show tomorrow. Mel Brooks, who he thinks is one of the funniest men on the planet, is coming in soon. Artie said that this news is so amazing. He said that he can do the movie ''Blazing Saddles'' just about verbatim. He did some lines from that movie and had Howard laughing at that stuff.
Fred said that Young Frankenstein and Blazing Saddles are two of the greatest movies ever made and Mel is responsible for that. Robin missed the announcement so she came in during the discussion and sounded very surprised. Fred did his Jim Florentine Impression and said that she must have been thinking about his balls. He continued that goofing and played Robins cell phone ringing sound effect.
Howard said that he saw Young Frankenstein on Broadway and loved it. The guys talked about some of his other movies like Space Balls. Robin said that one was a really good movie too. Howard said that he heard that Mel is a big fan of the show and he had no idea.
Lisa also spoke to a dermatologist about Ralph's berry and how they could shave it off if he wanted to get it removed. They don't even need a needle to inject the anesthetic. Howard said that the berry pretty much defines Ralph and he should keep it. Lisa said that Scott Ferrall is going to be in the latest issue of Penthouse which is coming out tomorrow.
Howard asked what happened to the big storm they were supposed to get last night. They got nothing. He said that his mother was talking about it over the weekend when he took them out to dinner. He said his father was having trouble with the menu at the restaurant so he tried to help him out with his ordering. Robin said that they change stuff at these new fangled restaurants and it's too much for him to handle. He said that it's kind of weird that his father can't handle that stuff now.
Howard said that his father knows what kind of food they have and he should understand the menu but he still asks what he should get. He said his mother asks questions too and said that she just wants an appetizer. He said that his father has to explain that to the waiter so he knows to bring it as an entrée.
Howard said his mother was telling him about this big Noreaster they were supposed to get this weekend. She said that she went out and got a ton of food and stuff to make sure they were prepared. Then nothing showed up. Robin said that she was going to stay down at the shore over the weekend but she thought they were going to get the storm and couldn't stay down there.
KC said that he was told he didn't have a drinking or drug problem, he's just fuckin crazy. He said that he's been trying to undo what his father did to him when he was growing up. He's got some kind of chemical thing going on and that's his real problem.
Howard asked KC why he was in jail for the last 2 or 3 days. KC said he was locked up when he was driving around his loaner car from the dealership where his car was being fixed. The car had no plates on it. He said the dealer told him to just show the papers he had if he did get pulled over. KC said he was very cordial to the officer who asked him to get out of the car and had him put his hands behind his back. He then arrested him for outstanding warrants. His license was suspended in New York and out in California.
KC said that he's been gambling lately because if you don't have a car in L.A. you're dead. He said that one time in New York he was drinking while his friend was driving and that followed him out there. KC said he got his car repossessed out in L.A. He didn't have insurance on that. Howard said that this is all going wrong for him.
KC said that he has to make money so he can't just sit in his house. He has to go out and he gambles when he drives. He said that he's in his car now and sitting in there not going anywhere. He drove it a little bit so he wouldn't wake up his roommate. He said that he doesn't have a car now because the cops took it. Now he's got his girlfriend's car and she'd be pissed if she knew he took it.
KC said that he's out on bail now. He told the guys about this homeless guy in jail who kept shitting and stinking up the place. Howard asked him if his girlfriend is going to get pissed if she knows he took her car. KC said she's not going to wake up so Artie asked him if he killed her.
Howard asked KC why he drove the car instead of just getting in the car and talking on the phone. KC was afraid of waking people up with his talking. KC aids that he wanted to feel like he was speaking in private.
Howard gave KC a plug for this event he's hosting down in Rio. KC said that he's going to court before that and he's hoping he'll be able to go out for that. He said that he can't afford a lawyer so he won't have one at court. He said he just owes a lot of money and stuff so that's no big deal.
Artie asked KC how much he owes. He said that it's a few thousand. Howard gave him a plug for his Myspace page, Myspace.com/KCArmstrong, because KC is looking for some women to help him host some event he's doing.
KC said that this fight thing he's doing, Rio Heroes 14, is really big right now and he thinks that he can make some money doing that. Howard wished him luck with all of this stuff. Howard had to let him go a short time later. they all wished him luck and told him to stay on the meds.
Artie said that he loves that guy but he doesn't know what's going on with him. He went on to say that a few years ago he got a panicked call from KC begging him for $1000. He had to Western Union him the money. He said that KC told him he was fine but it seems like he's always on the verge of disaster. He said that he's begged him to go out and get himself a job that has some long term effects so he's not like this all the time.
Artie had some fun goofing on T.O. He was doing an impression of him and giving him his big ''Wahhh'' comments. He had Howard and Robin laughing at that. Artie said that was all music to his ears. He said he saw Sports Center on Sunday afternoon and he really liked hearing that they lost after seeing him on that show.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up Howard's Letterman appearance. He thought it was great and Howard looked fine on his tiny TV. He figured that it was all of the HDTV fags who were complaining about Howard's look. Howard said that he's going to retire from Letterman after that appearance because he did so well and he should go out on a high note.
Howard said that there was a lot of coverage of that appearance. He said that they gave a lot of coverage to Leno and Kimmel doing each other's shows that night. Howard said that it's time to give up the whole thing and stop doing the late night shows.
Howard said that he's not sure of the exact day in February but it's coming up on a year that the merger has been on hold. He said that it seems like the government is trying to put them both out of business. Ralph called in and said that no one looks good in HD, it's horrible. He was also talking about how Tony Romo has been playing awful since he started dating Jessica Simpson. The guys got back to that discussion and spent a few more minutes on that.
The guys were talking about whether or not they think that Jessica Simpson could be ruining Tony's playing. They went on vacation together and that's what some people think ruined him. Artie said that he would have put a stop to that if he was in charge of the guy.
Howard said that he relates that to his chess playing. He's been on a horrible losing streak lately and he spoke to the guy who was teaching him. He said he was about to give up the game because he was feeling stupid. He said that the guy told him it's just a game and if he's not having fun with it, he should stop. He got some pointers from the guy and he was told to go play a much higher rated player to take the pressure off of him.
Howard said he went and played a guy who was 100 points higher than him and he ended up beating him. That was a release of pressure for him. He thinks that Tony Romo is on the top of the world with this Jessica Simpson and he really doesn't care about playing football now. Ralph said he might be right because football is a total mind set type of game.
Howard and the guys talked about the Giants a little more. Howard wondered if they can beat the Packers. Artie aid that he'd like to hear tape of Robin talking about how the Cowboys were going to kill the Giants last week. Robin said that the Packers are having a great year and she thinks that they're going to win. Artie said that it should make for a good game and it's actually a good match up. He doesn't think that they're going to be able to win against the Packers though.
Howard said that he didn't see the Packers game over the weekend. Robin and Artie said that they were good though. Howard asked if they could name anyone else other than Favre on that team. Robin just laughed, Artie didn't have any other names to throw out there.
Howard played a clip of Bryant Gumble saying ''shit injury'' instead of ''shin injury'' during a broadcast. He had another clip of a Lakers player cursing during an interview. He played that one and the guy says ''fuckin'' but catches himself and stops.
Howard said he was watching this Katt Williams special and this comedian Melanie Camacho talks about Flavor Flav and goofs on his looks and said that she's rather have the pig nuts on Fear Factor than make out with him. Artie said that she's one of the exceptions to the rule that women aren't funny. Howard said that she's got a great body and face. Robin said that she's ''ghetto fabulous'' which means that she's still ghetto but very beautiful.
Howard said that he could go out on those mad tears again but he'd have to give up Beth to do that and he doesn't want to do that. The woman on the phone asked him to come on SFN and interact with them. Howard said that he interacts with them on the radio. She said that they miss him so much over at SFN. Howard said that he used to do that on his web site but he hated it. He said that he used to go on and do it. She was begging him to come on and do something and kept saying ''please, please...'' Robin said that he has to leave them wanting and can't be on there all the time.
Howard thanked the woman for calling and said she was a bore after hanging up on her. She said that she's the only Iranian fan he has.
Robin mentioned that the movie ''There Will Be Blood'' was great. Artie and Howard liked it as well. They talked about how good it was and asked Robin if she remembered to bring it back for Artie. She forgot it but said she'd get it back to him. Artie said that Howard is really good about getting stuff back to him in the exact way it was given to him.
Richard Christy says that Robin borrowed some movies a few years ago and never gave them back to him. He came in and told her which ones they were since she didn't remember.
Howard said that he does pick up on him once in a while but he can't pick up all the time. Gary also said that Jeff has turned them down for stuff when they've asked him to come in. Jeff said that was just one time. Howard thanked Jeff for the call and let him go so he could go to break. He said he might to play some of his Letterman clips later but Artie said he wanted to hear some of the beginning because he missed the first 30 seconds or so. Howard played that opening where Letterman introduces him and he comes out and talks about Dave greeting him.
Howard wasn't sure if anyone wanted to hear that stuff but Artie said that he would. He said he could listen to it off the air if he didn't want to play it. Howard ended up playing a few more clips from the interview where he was on fire joking around with Dave.
Howard explained part of that discussion and how Dave had invited him to his staff party where he didn't even show up until the end of the party. He said that Bill Wendel didn't like him for some reason and the guy ended up kicking him out of that party. He said he showed up at the party and saw that it was all employees so he said hello to everyone and then left. He said that the story got back to Dave and Dave thought that it was Bill who had chased him out of the party. That's not what happened though, he just left.
Howard said that he didn't even know Bill Wendel and never got kicked out of that party. Dave might be under the impression that he did but that just didn't happen.
Howard said Dave caught him off guard with that story because there was never such an event. Robin said that Dave does that to him but not to any other guests. He brought up stuff that Howard wasn't prepared to talk about.
Howard had some other clips to play from that interview. Howard talked to Dave about how they tried to be friends and Dave mentioned that it was tough to be friends with him because of the things he's said about his girlfriend. Howard said that Dave told him one time that he would never forgive him for what he said about his girlfriend years ago. Howard didn't want to sit there and play his own clips, it was embarrassing. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and talked about the Bowie song for a few seconds and waited for it to fade out. He said that Benjy was telling him that he missed his Letterman appearance and he wanted to hear it. He said that someone sent him a note about how Val Kilmer is trying to get a band going now and he's gotten totally fat lately. JD said that he was the one who sent out the e-mail and he's not sure if he's trying to get a whole career going. He said that he did two songs for a charity thing and they were just covers. He said he found out through his Myspace page.
Howard played some clips of Val singing a cover of Neil Young's ''After the Gold Rush'' and it was so bad that Howard thought he was kidding with this. He said that's one weird dude right there. Artie came in after going to the bathroom and thought it was hilarious when they told him it was Val Kilmer singing.
Howard played another one of Val's songs where he wasn't quite as bad. He said he was kind of digging it but he sure wouldn't pay for it. JD said it would only cost him 99 cents but Howard said that sounds kind of like a lot of money for that song.
Howard played another one of Val's songs and JD warned him that it was the worst of them. He was right. Howard said it sounded a little like he was doing a Pearl Jam thing but his voice was awful. Howard played some of Clif Palette's ''For those About to Rock'' cover and said that was just as good.
Howard played more of Val's songs and said he could listen to every one. Artie asked Fred to play some of the real songs so he could get that crap out of his head. Howard said he had one that would help and played Big Foot Mark singing ''Hotel California.'' That led to him talking about how they've been unable to find him lately. They wanted to have him in to do something but he's nowhere to be found.
Howard said that he's kind of torn with Gary because he thinks that he should be a suit guy sometimes, kind of like how Tim Sabean is. He said that he's always got a suit on while Gary never wears one to work. He said that you feel like something important is going on when people wear suits to work.
Gary came in and said that someone was telling him that he needs to lose some weight and maybe dress a little nicer. He was told that he has to work on that look he has at work. Gary said that he's completely right and he does have to spruce up his image a little bit. Howard said that the producers over at Letterman don't dress all that well but they are put together a little nicer. Gary said he is working on it.
Howard said that he's fine with Gary looking the way he does but some people might like it better if he was dressed a little nicer.
Gary said that he's hoping to lose weight first and then get a suit. Howard told him not to wait, he should just get the suit and have it taken in if he loses the weight. A caller said that it would have been great if Gary had worn his beekeeper's mask out to Letterman. Howard said that is a look and that would have been great. Artie said that he hadn't showered since coming home from Vegas yet so he was a mess this morning.
Ralph called in and said that Gary was shooting some stuff for Howard TV last week and Gary was doing in dressed like a slob and he should have known that was coming. Gary said that he didn't know they were doing that because they spring that stuff on him at the last minute.
Ralph told Gary about the Oakley sunglasses he was wearing one time and how bad they looked on him. Gary said that Ralph came in the other day wearing something that he wasn't sure were slippers or sneakers. Ralph said they were cool, that's all that counts.
A caller asked Howard about his interview and if he had been censored at one point. Howard didn't think they cut anything from what he could tell. He said that Dave did kind of stop him from talking about the smelly penis cream but they didn't cut anything.
Another caller said that when he saw Gary on Letterman he got startled and wasn't able to fall asleep after seeing him. Gary asked him to go through that again and tell him how he could possibly have been bothered by his look. The guy said he was really startled.
Howard said that he is really going to invite Dave to dinner one night since he said he would do that on the show. He said that he understands Dave's dilemma about people talking about his girlfriend and he will invite him out to dinner one night. He said that he would apologize to Dave's girlfriend. He said he'd be willing to do that even if he'll be uncomfortable.
Gary said that he thinks that Howard could sit down to dinner with anyone he's ever bad mouthed and apologize to them and make them feel at ease.
Howard said that Gary sitting next to Beth wasn't Gary's idea, they had him go over to her before they went to that shot. Gary said that Biff Henderson told him to go over there.
Bobo called in and talked to Howard about the Letterman appearance. They spent a couple of minutes on that. Then another caller brought up the special that Howard TV did with Gary at a gourmet chocolate store. He said that they were zooming in on Gary's face as he was chewing. Gary said that they really screwed up over there because after the shot the show, they told him that there was a problem with the camera and they had to do it all over again. He said he ate about 60 pieces of candy that day.
Howard asked Gary how old he is. He said that he's always been self conscious about his teeth but he's getting a little old to be getting braces. Gary said he's going to see the guy no matter what. He knows that the braces would look weird and he'd sound strange for about a week. Gary said that he'd probably have to wear them for 18 months. Artie said that he thinks it would be great for comedy and a great promotion for the show and for SIRIUS.
Gary said that the orthodontist doesn't know the show and his wife was telling him that the people he works with make fun of him. The guy told her that they'll have to find something else to make fun of him about.
Gary said that he's thinking about getting that overbite pulled back a bit, he's not trying to make his teeth smaller. He said that he might have to get a lip reduction later on if that works. Robin told him to just go for it and do what makes him happy. Gary said that he's having second thoughts now because Robin is being evil.
Gary said that he's going to try and do that and lose weight over the time he's got the braces on. Howard said that poor Gary will probably do that and then he'll get hit by a truck right after he takes the braces off.
Howard doesn't think they'll be able to do anything with those teeth the way they are. He said they'd have to put something like the Brooklyn Bridge on his teeth.
Gary said that his kids had braces and they came out really good. He knows some other adults who had braces and he knows what he's going to have to go through.
Yucko the Clown called in and said that he heard that Halliburton got the contract to put the braces on. Artie said that he met Yucko and his girlfriend over the weekend and his girlfriend was booking gigs and stuff with them. Artie said that he should slow it up with her. Gary said that he's heard the same thing and that it's always ''we'' when they talk about doing stuff.
Howard saw Sal with a Gary Puppet head on with braces and he looked in a mirror and scared himself. Howard got a laugh out of that. He took some more phone calls and let some people goof on him. One guy said that Gary getting braces is like Eric the Midget dying his hair. Another guy said that he
Howard asked John what he does. He's a plastic surgeon. Howard said that he deserves a hot chick then. He works out of Cornell in Manhattan so Howard figured that he must be good then. John said that he does some female genital reconstruction. He said that there are a lot of women who aren't happy with the way they look and they work on making it look better.
Howard asked John how long he was married the first time. He said it was about 8 years. He said they were together for a long time. He was telling Howard that he lucked out with Diana having a perfect vagina that didn't need any work.
Howard asked Diana if she'd show her vagina to them. She said that she would if John was okay with it. Artie said that John freaked when he heard that. Howard wanted Robin to pull down her pants and show the doctor what her's looks like. They had Fred doing his Jim Florentine impression describing it and he said it looked like a ''fleshy canoe.''
Howard asked what the biggest surgery is out there. John said that the fillers and botox are the biggest but breast implants are still pretty big. He said that they met on a blind date that their dentist had set up.
Artie asked John if he has pictures of other pussies out there that the women can check out to pick out what they want. He said they do and they have that up on his web site LabiaCosmetic.com.
Howard asked John if he thinks that Gary getting braces is a good idea. He thinks that it is because it would make Gary feel better after getting tortured for all these years. Artie said they have this Penthouse chick who came in who had huge labia and maybe he could help her out. The guys weren't sure she wanted any help though. Howard thanked Dr. John and Diana for coming in and then went to break.
Steve said that they're working on a story about Howard's appearance on Letterman. They'll have some behind the scenes reports. They heard one fan saying that he wanted to be a suicide bomber for him. Howard said that Steve kept the microphone on him the whole time and he was always afraid of what he may have said. He said that Steve will then turn to you and say that you're brilliant and the annoyance goes away. He said that Steve was even impressed with his discussion with the producer there.
Howard said he likes that Steve was there blowing smoke up his ass. Steve told him that it was historic and one of the greatest late night performances of all time. Howard said he has to agree with him there. Steve said that it was like watching the two best doing what they do. Artie wanted to know his favorite line of the appearance. Steve wasn't able to think of anything at the time, he said he did take notes though.
Artie challenged Steve to remember just one line from the appearance. Steve wasn't able to come up with anything so Artie told him he was a phony. Steve said that at one point Howard tells the producer about the Nodoro thing and the woman says ''Oh dear...'' as if she was worried about that subject.
Steve said they'll have more on the High Pitch Eric threatening phone calls story. The woman who was getting the calls wants to drop the charges but the cops are saying they may have to go through with it because of the seriousness of the threats.
Steve said that they'll have a story about High Pitch Mike and how he has a broken TV and he's still not opening up the big screen TV that's still in the box. Mike won't allow them in to see if he still has the TV or not.
Howard thanked Steve for that and had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap up Show preview. Jon said they'll talk about the AVN award discussions they had earlier this morning. They'll also talk about Howard's Letterman appearance, Eric the Midget's call, KC Armstrong's call and much, much more.
Howard read through some e-mail about Earthquake's appearance on the show last week. A lot of people thought he was great on the show. There are people who are loving Eric the Midget calling in lately. Artie said that he really is funny, especially when they put him on the camera on Howard TV.
Howard said he got an e-mail saying that Captain Janks is in the hospital with a burst appendix. His roommate sent in the mail letting them know.
Robin started her news with a story about OJ Simpson getting arrested over the weekend. She also talked about the Golden Globe awards and how they turned into basically a press conference. Howard said he feels bad for the film industry. He said that the Golden Globes help sell tickets to movies that aren't that well known, like ''Juno'' and things like that. He said that the people who work in the film industry could end up losing a lot of money because of this writer's strike. He heard that this strike could drag out for a really long time too.
Howard let Janks go after that and took a call from a woman who asked how long he's been watching her. The woman, Erica, was asking about his spying on her. Howard told Robin that he just goes along with them now and pretends that he's actually watching them. Erica said she wants to know what Howard is doing by watching her and she'd like to come on the show. Howard said that he thinks that she needs a labiaplasty, he learned that from watching her.
Howard said that he likes to look at her naked and that's why he's been watching her. He said he likes to see right up her ass when she bends over. She kept asking to come in to meet him but Howard said he's not sure he wants to do that. He said he'd like to find out how much more interesting she is before he has her in. He asked her how she knew that he was watching her. She wanted to come on the show to continue the discussion but Howard told her that he doesn't have the right type of security for her to come in.
Howard told Erica that he was going to stop watching her as of right then. She didn't think that he was going to stop and she really wanted to come in and meet them. She kept saying that over and over again but Howard wanted her to answer some questions first. He said that he doesn't believe that she'd show up. She promised that she would show up.
Howard asked Erica what the worst part of him watching her was. She wanted to know how long ago it was that he started watching her. She wondered how he found out about her existence and things like that. Howard asked her what was so bad about him watching her. She said that she doesn't like people watching her doing things intimate. Howard said it must be the masturbation thing and she said that was just one of the things. Howard said he loves when she takes a big smelly dump too.
Erica asked Howard how he knew of her existence. Howard said that he sees all and knows all and he picks one person to focus on once in a while and she just happened to be that person. He said he hasn't grown bored with her. Howard eventually got rid of Erica and told her that he's not going to watch her anymore. Artie said that he'd keep watching her if Howard gave it up. She asked them not to keep watching.
Robin asked Erica if she has SIRIUS. She doesn't so Robin asked why they were wasting their time with her if she doesn't even have it. Howard let her go and had Robin get back to her news.
Howard talked to Diana, Dr. John's wife, about the heels she was wearing this morning. Robin was reading a story about that in the news so it was a good segue right into that story.
Howard took a call from this guy Chris who said that he loved seeing him on Letterman the other night. He had a speech impediment so Howard asked him if he's just nerdy or brain damaged. He said he'd just got the hair lip thing going. Howard figured he was nerdy then. He said that he looks fine, he has a moustache and can hide it. He said that he does get some chicks once in a while but they're probably ''mercy chicks.'' He said that the moustache hides the scars and stuff. Dr. John said that he doesn't do that stuff anymore when Howard asked him about it.
Howard let Chris go and had Robin get back to her news. She had Howard playing some clips of Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama audio clips. They spent a few minutes talking about that stuff for a short time. Robin said that the first black billionaire has come out in support of Hillary.
Howard ended up talking to Dr. John about his marriage and if they had to have a pre-nuptial agreement. John said they did and it did cause some issues. He said that she's going to come into some money herself and the money that she'll come into will bury him as far as the kind of money he makes. He said that her mother's side of the family is one of the biggest home builders in the country. She said that doesn't mean anything though. She said that they built the Golden Gate Bridge and the Hoover Dam but then her grandfather stopped working in the business. She said that her family might have some money but she really doesn't have that much herself. She has cousins who have billions.
Diana said that she went to boarding school and things like that when she was growing up. Howard asked Diana if she ever messed around with girls. She said she never did but Howard thought that Dr. John was saying that she might be lying about that. Howard tried to get more out of Diana but she wasn't going there so Howard had Robin get back to her news.
Robin said that she was there with her nephew and she never said that she spent any time with Jim. She said that maybe she just snuck in and snuck out. Howard spent a minute with her talking about that stuff and then let Steve go.
Robin read through a couple more stories and wrapped up after that. Howard ended the show around 10:50am after thanking John and Diana for their donation to the North Shore Animal League. He spent a little more time talking about how hot Diana was before Artie got in a few comedy show plugs.
Artie said that's why he came in. He then went right into a story about Teddy coming to wake him up on Saturday night to tell him about the Penthouse Pets that they handed over to them. They wanted them to go arm and arm with Artie down the red carpet. Teddy said that they hung out with them all night.
Artie said that his stand-up agent, Rich Super, had the girls with him down in the bar. He was talking about how great the room was he had at the Luxor hotel. He said that it was awesome and that's the place to stay out there.
Gary asked Artie about the AVN awards and if he feels creepy being there. Artie said he did feel creepy. He said that they all have fun out there though. He said they used to do a banquet type of thing but this time it was at an event center with 6,000 seats like they would sit in at the Garden or something. He said that Greg Fitzsimmons was a great host and destroyed there for like 15 minutes. Then they went into the awards.
Artie said that the whole thing went really good and it wasn't as creepy as it used to be. He got back to the hot Penthouse chicks and how he gave the girls a tour of the room for about 10 minutes. They played some pool and stuff and the girls were on his arm the whole time. He was introducing them as his wife and fiancé. They were even whipping out their tits once in a while according to Teddy.
Artie said that he went up and did his thing up on stage giving out the two awards. He said it was a great Vegas night and nothing too crazy happened. He said that the AVNs were great and all but they cut some corners as far as giving ground transportation and things like that. He was kind of annoyed with that. Artie said that Jeff Beacher set up the car and setting him up at the Luxor.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he misses Artie with Dana because he doesn't like hearing him going out to Vegas and doing what he's doing. He said that maybe his gambling and drinking would slow down if he was with someone like her again.
The guy brought up the Giant's game too so that led to the guys spending some time on football discussions. They were talking about some of the stuff they were going over this morning and then they brought up Deon Sanders and talked about those goofy clips they used to play. Gary said that he ran into Deon one time at an event and he kept asking him where he knew him from. Gary said he kept telling him that he didn't know him, but Deon knew who he was and kept messing with him.
Ralph called in and asked how they can hate football teams so much these days when they have this free agent thing going on and the players are moving around all the time. He thinks that it should be individual players. Artie said that it goes back to when they were kids and the teams that they liked. You got to hate the other teams and it carries on through adulthood. He said it's more of a dig at the fans who are still cheering for those teams that you hate. Ralph said he was getting it now. The guys spent a few more minutes on the Giants game.
Artie said that Jim McClure gave him a note about the Deon Sanders thing that he was trying to come up with earlier. He read some of that and cracked himself up thinking about those clips they used to play on the show.
Artie said that he saw Bubba out at the AVN awards. He said that he came out in one of those suits that he wears. His wife was there and she looked like one of the hottest chicks there. Bubba has put on like 80 pounds and he thinks that this schedule of his is going to kill him. He said that Heather really looked unbelievable though. Ralph said that Bubba has like 50 guys working for him and that's one problem he has.
Jon took some phone calls and one woman told Artie how much she loves him. She said she had a sex dream about him the other night. She said that she thought about him licking her pussy and she may have had a wet dream. She said it felt real to her in the dream. Artie wanted to know what she looked like. She said she's 5'4'' tall and weighs about 104 pounds. She said she's 30 years old and she looks kind of like Goldie Hawn, in her good years. Artie said that she was one of his favorites back then. He said that she was describing one of the hottest chicks ever and she was downplaying it.
Artie asked her about her tits and she said that they were just B's. She also said that she smokes pot which came out after Gary asked her about smoking cigarettes. She had a bit of a husky voice but Artie didn't seem to mind it. He told Teddy to book a show up in Toronto so he could go up there to meet her. She didn't have a computer at home but she said she'd send some pictures when she goes back to work. She said that she'd like to fuck him and just have some fun with him if she could.
Artie said that's worth exploring. The woman's name was Kimberly but Gary warned him that if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
Jon played a clip of Gary talking about getting braces and that got the guys into that discussion. Gary said that he told Jon and Jason about what he was going to be doing and asked if he should just show up with the braces one day.
Gary said that he's not sure why he wants to do it now. He said that the orthodontist did a good job with his kids and he's got friend who had their teeth done so he's thinking about doing it himself. Artie said that when someone asks that question, it's like saying ''Gary, you've been grotesque your whole life, you're pushing 50 now, so why bother?''
Gary said that it's going to cost a lot of money, maybe 6 or 7 thousand dollars and he should just do it himself and not try to get sponsors to help. Artie said that he thinks he should get a sponsor though. Gary said he's got an appointment this Friday and the nurse told him that they might set him up with braces that day if he goes in and has a good consultation.
Gary said that he's checked into the Invisalign stuff and heard that they don't work as good as the regular ones. Sal was goofing on Gary about the whole braces thing so Gary threw out a joke about how he can get rid of them in 18 months, he wondered how long it'll take Sal's wife to get rid of her emotional friend.
Jon took some more phone calls and let some people goof on Gary about his braces. One guy told him about this dentist in the city who could do a whole thing where they could predict what he'd look like when they're done with the braces thing.
Sal was in and throwing out some jokes about Gary getting braces. They were talking about the old braces that were like railroad tracks years ago. Jon said that his daughter has braces and they can change the color each time she goes in. Gary said that they could change the colors each time he goes in so he could get something for the Mets season. Artie suggested lavender as the color for Mets season.
Gary said that he was told that if they had given him braces when he was a kid that they would have broken his jaw to make it work right. Sal was throwing out jokes and Gary was goofing on Sal about his lack of history knowledge. Sal didn't care though.
Ralph called back and told Gary not to bother, this is like he's just got money burning through his pocket. He said that if he looked at him and thought he had bad teeth, he'd think it was the right thing to do. He said he looks at him and thinks he just needs to lose weight and that's what he should concentrate on. That and wearing a suit.
Gary said that he has to wear a suit tonight and he's been wearing them out quite a bit lately. He said that he'd like to get a suit and look better every day. Ralph said he really doesn't see the overbite that Gary thinks he has. He just thinks the weight thing should happen first. He thinks that the braces are a waste of money at this point. Gary said that he's just going for the consultation this week. They had to take a break a short time later.
Gary heard that Benjy went into the bathroom on the plane and brought a big bag in there with him and stayed there for 30 minutes. Benjy said that relates to another story from Vegas that will probably come out later. Gary also heard that Benjy was eating salad at one point and he was spilling it on the other people on the plane.
Jon said that Richard seemed kind of bummed out about getting kicked out of the studio today. Richard said he was and he was afraid of boring everyone on this show. Gary told him that he wants to hear the stories but Richard wanted him to tell them himself instead.
Jon took a call from a woman who told Gary not to listen to anyone else and just get the braces. She said that he shouldn't be taking advice from Ralph who has a berry on his face. Jon said that he said that he was afraid of the needle, that's why he never got it taken off.
Another caller told Gary he doesn't need braces. He said that's like putting perfume on a pig, it ain't gonna do anything. Sal said he agrees, but not for the same reason. He said that those teeth are part of Gary's personality. He said his teeth are everything. He said that no one would bust his balls if he didn't have those teeth. He figures his lips will hang like deflated garbage bags if he moves the teeth. He thinks he'll look odd like Star Jones does now. He described her as looking like a burnt praying mantis now.
Benjy said that there was a story about a comedian, Vaughn Meter, who lost his whole act after John Kennedy died. They talked about Pam Anderson getting her implants taken out and how that screwed her up.
Ralph called back in and told Benjy that his voice is all messed up today and the stuff he was saying wasn't that important so he could leave. Ralph said that people were calling him and telling him that Benjy shouldn't be on.
Gary asked Ralph about his teeth since he got them fixed at one point. Ralph said they were okay after that but they've drifted again. He just can't afford to get them fixed again. Gary also asked him about the berry on his face and why he hasn't done anything about it. Ralph said that he barely notices it anymore and it's not that bad. He was going to get it taken off but the needle scared him. He said that Stamos' girlfriend also thought that it was kind of cute so now he's thinking about keeping it. He said it might be the source of his powers and if he removes it, he's fucked.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that taking that berry off is like throwing a deck chair from the Queen May, it ain't gonna make a big difference. Ralph agreed with him and he knows that's the problem.
Benjy told Ralph that Dr. John told them that he could remove the berry. Dr. John was sitting in the studio so Sal asked him about some of his problems and how he'd like to have the bags under his eyes bleached. He said he actually tried some of the asshole bleaching cream on his eyes and burned them so he never did it again.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he saw Dr. John's web site and the women there should shave down before the before and after pictures. He was also telling Gary that he should get the braces.
The guys asked Gary what he'd like to do if Howard retires in 3 years. Gary said he's not sure if he'd stay in the radio business. He said that he likes sports so maybe he'd do something with a sports show. He said he'd like to work behind the scenes for a Letterman type show or something like that. He said that a talent like Howard only comes around once in a lifetime. He knows people who have worked with a bunch of celebrity shows and they just bounce around.
A woman called in and told Gary to do his teeth because it will make him happy. She also brought up the Artie dating thing and asked how she can get in on something like that. Gary said that she's much more normal for her to call in like this than the other girl who said she had a sex dream about him. Gary told her that if she wants to try and get a date with him, she should send a letter and let him know. Sal asked her for her height and weight. She said that she was 5'3'' and 115 pounds. She thought that wasn't thin but the guys said that sounded fine. She's turning 37 next month. Gary told her to send the letter to him with another envelope with pictures so he can pass that along to Artie.
Sal was goofing around talking about this woman having a bit of a yappy thing going on and that's why she may not get dates. Gary said she was only on the phone for like 70 seconds, you can't judge her by that.
Gary said that Benjy has very little pop culture experience and when you ask him a question about something like the Brady Bunch, he has no idea what you're talking about. They spent a minute on that and then Jon took some more phone calls.
One guy called in and said that Sal talking about Star Jones looking like a burnt praying mantis was one of the funniest things he's ever heard on the show. He also brought up the Terrell Owens discussion and that got the guys talking about that for a short time.
Jon said that he was going to ask Richard about the movies that Robin never returned to him but he had left. Sal said that Richard is really pissed about that, it's been over 3 years since he gave them to her. Richard came running back in and said that he's not that pissed, he's just annoyed. He said that he think that she would have returned them if it was someone else she'd borrowed them from. They had to rush through that and then ended the show.
Howard started off the show talking about a story in the NY Post about Katie Holmes going around and doing some interviews. He said he watched some of those appearances and it's shocking how they treat her like she's a princess now. Robin said that she's like Princess Diana. Howard said there's a book out about how Scientology seems to be controlling people like Tom Cruise and Diane Sawyer didn't ask a thing about that. He said that Katie acts like a 40 year old robot even though she's only 25 years old.
Howard said that everyone at Good Morning America is scrambling and saying that Diane was working her way into those kind of questions but they cut the interview short. Robin wondered how is managing everything and making it so hard to ask questions like that. Howard said he read that they didn't have any restrictions about what type of questions to ask but it's like they're afraid of asking.
Fred said that Tom Cruise might yell at them if they ask that kind of stuff because he did that to Matt Lauer one time. Howard said he was going to play some clips from these interviews because Katie is talking about how magical her baby was and things like that.
Howard said he had to bail on the interviews when he was watching because they were so boring. JD said that they all seemed to follow the same format and everyone went in the same order with the type of questions they asked.
JD told Howard that he had edited in a bunch of various questions from all of the interviews Katie did. He told Howard about them but Howard had no idea what he was talking about. He wasn't sure what to play and didn't know what these montage clips were. He wanted to hear them ahead of time before playing those.
JD had pulled some of the clips from individual interviews so Howard played some of those. He had one where they were asking Katie about what's normal for them. Katie's answer sounded very programmed and she answered in a monotone.
Howard said he heard Katie talking about her baby's first words. He said that when you have someone like that on your show, that's not the kind of stuff you ask.
Howard played a clip from last night's Letterman show where he was interviewing Katie and she was talking about the time that her baby sleeps until and they got applause over that. Then Katie asks Dave about his holidays and turns it back on him with more boring crap.
Artie said that there were rumors about Tom Cruise having a scene of Katie's cut out of a movie that she had just done. He said that seems really controlling when someone does that with your career. Howard said that meanwhile, Katie is in some shitty movie with Queen Latifah. He wonders who is going to go see that movie. He said he was pulling his hair out thinking about what to do on Letterman and then Katie goes on and talks about her baby.
Howard played another Letterman clip where Katie was talking about how great her child is and how she hopes that she becomes an actress. Howard said that she's just a weirdo. He said that the right answer would be to say that she doesn't care what her child does as long as she's happy.
Howard had some clips from some other interviews that Katie did where she's talking about how great Tom Cruise is for her and how normal their life is. She said something about knowing her husband and knowing her kids and that's what they focus on. Artie pointed out how ridiculous that sounded.
Howard played some of the montage clips that JD told him about earlier. He said that he should play them since JD put so much work into that stuff. JD had put together some of the similar questions that all of the interviewers had asked Katie.
Artie asked Howard if the things he's done for this culture are more of an influence on society than this Queen Latifah movie. Howard said of course it has. He played more of the montage clips and continued to goof on the way these interviewers have no ability to ask anything relevant. They were all asking the same questions about her running the New York City marathon and about things about her family out in Colorado.
Howard said he was reading in the paper about a clip of Tom Cruise making a speech about Scientology somewhere and it's supposed to be hitting the web soon. Artie said he'd love to see something like that.
Howard brought up Britney Spears and how crazy she seems to be these days. He was talking about how she must be a great chick to bang when she's that nuts. That led to him asking Artie about his favorite whore out in Vegas. Artie said that he's thinking about writing about her in his book can calling the chapter ''My Favorite Whore.'' He said that she's got a 10 year old kid that he's seen pictures of and it's kind of strange when that happens. He also said that she's given him a couple of freebies over the past year and a half. He said that it's almost like a boyfriend / girlfriend thing when he sees her now.
Artie said that this girl is such a sweet person and she doesn't live in Vegas, she just goes there to some ''big money weekends.'' He said that she can sometimes make $30,000 in one weekend out there. Artie said that the Penthouse Club gave him some money the other night and he ended up giving most of it to just one stripper because he wanted to get out of there and go gambling.
Artie said that this whore's kid is adorable and she's got stories about the kid's father that are very entertaining. He said that when you spend a lot of time with someone like that you learn that kind of stuff. He said that he loves her... and caught himself and stopped right there. Howard and Robin let out some sighs when they heard that.
Artie said that this chick doesn't know how to use chopsticks and she's obviously not from some rich family or anything. He said the past couple of times he's gone out there he hasn't had to pay for her. He just takes her out to dinner and stuff. He told the guys that she's not looking for him to pay her anymore. Robin and Howard let out a couple of Wows over that.
Artie said that this girl looks kind of like Jenny McCarthy to him. Howard said that sounds wild and maybe he should just date her. Artie isn't interested in that. Howard told him about this guy he knows who is married to a really classy chick. He said that he heard from someone that the woman used to be a hooker. He said they cleaned her up and straightened her out and they've had a great life together since then.
Artie said that these women aren't lepers. He said that he tried to get her to call into the show the last time he saw her. She won't do that though and doesn't want Howard to be demeaning to her and stuff. He tried to convince her that he's really not like that but it's not easy to do that.
Howard joked that she's also a state senator and that's why she doesn't want to be found out. He was just kidding about that. He told Howard about a girl he met down in Philly who was very smart and went to Harvard. He said he got her number and thought about calling her to go out on a date but that's even more scary than going out with a whore. He said that he'd hate for that to ruin a relationship with her knowing that he's been out with whores.
Howard said he had some audio of Artie's favorite hooker. He played some porn movie clips and said that was her taking it in the ass. Howard said he thinks that Artie doesn't have a problem with the woman being a whore, he's got a problem with her having a kid. Artie said that the whole kid thing is kind of weird to him.
Howard ended up playing some clips from ''Blazing Saddles'' and talked about how that movie probably couldn't be made in today's day and age. He said he was going to see if Mel could recite the lines from his movie like Artie does. The caller was quoting some of the lines from the movie and telling Howard how great they were.
Howard said that Mel will be there eventually, he's very much into doing the interview from what he's heard. He let the caller go after he mentioned some stuff that he didn't seem interested in.
Howard read some of the mail and one guy was telling him not to get metal braces. Another guy told him not to get them because his mother got them when she was older and it ruined her teeth. She had to remove all of her teeth and get implants that cost upwards of $60,000. Gary said that sounded like an isolated incident to him.
Howard told Gary that he really should take the Howard TV guys with him to his consultation but Gary said he's not going to do that. Howard said that it would be great because the dentist might pass out like people do when they see Herman Munster. That led to Howard talking about how great The Munsters were and about watching them the other day and seeing a great episode. He explained the episode to the guys and how Herman was at a costume party and people thought he was in costume and people eventually run away from him and never return when they realize he's not in costume.
Howard said that he was actually watching that episode on Ralph's iPhone of all places. Both of them were sitting there watching it. He got back to Gary and told Gary he should wear his beekeeper's outfit and then the dentist would tell him to take off the mask and then take off the big, fake choppers.
Gary said he ran into the orthodontist at a Christmas party and a few days later he brought it up to his wife when she went in with the kids for an appointment. He wasn't sure if that was insulting or not that he told her that her husband could benefit from braces.
Howard read through some more mail and one guy said Gary should go for it and have them put on. Gary said that he knows of someone who had to have a tooth removed to make room for the teeth to move. He was saying that he's looking to get rid of that overbite he has so his lip isn't hanging over the way it does. Howard said Beth heard about this and she thought that he'd be licking them all the time because that's what people who have braces do. Gary said that he's already licking them so that's nothing new.
Howard said that Gary's upper lip gets caught on the fake teeth he has and that's why he has to lick so much. He knows this from observing Gary for so many years. Gary talked about the helmet he had on the channel 9 show so many years ago. It was a whole head device that sprayed down his teeth with water. He said that was very humiliating and there were many other humiliating things that happened to him over there.
Howard read an email about Eric the Midget's ''girlfriend'' Kendra and how she doesn't even have Eric as her number 1 friend on her Myspace page. Eric is at number 13 on there. Howard read through some other e-mail about his Letterman appearance and how it looked like he wiped his hand on the couch. Howard said that he thought that he should have pulled out his anti-bacterial gel to wash his hands down after shaking Dave's hand during that interview. He thought that would have been funny.
Howard read an e-mail about his weight. Someone wrote in and told him he's too thin and he should gain about 20 pounds. He likes being thin though and he'd like to keep it that way. He told all of the women out there to do the same.
Howard played another clip where Chuck was talking about his latest sexual conquest. He said he was talking to some guys and heard a woman laughing behind them. He turned and talked to her and ended up checking out her tits. He said that he asked her to go outside with him at one point to make sure she looked okay. She came walking out with her computer but she had a nice little body on her. He invited her up to his room and she agreed to come with him. Chuck said that the ''Okay it's fuck time!'' alert went off in his head.
Artie said that he has an alarm in his head that says ''Okay it's masturbation time!'' They had some fun goofing around with the stuff that Chuck was saying. Chuck went on to talk about this chick he took back to his room. He explained how they started watching TV and eventually started ''swapping spits'' and then she started riding him like Secretariat. He said that once he's done he's done. He said he kept his hard on for a long time and kept going though. He said that she was a very special one. He said he came like three times and she left him alone after that and told him it was nice.
Chuck told his co-host that he never even asked that chick what her name was. He said he never bothered. He said that she made him feel great but he never did find out her name. Robin said that she didn't believe that story at all and there's no way that you have a chick treat you like that and don't find out her name.
Howard said that he doesn't recognize Johnny's son and didn't know that was him. He didn't remember seeing him when he came in the studio. Howard said that he's seen a lot of people in the studio and can't remember them all.
Howard asked Eric what he wants to be called and played some of the edited clips that he played yesterday. They had him saying Eric the..., Jackass, Worthless piece of shit and others.
Howard said he has something in mind for Eric and he wanted to tell him about it. Gary said they weren't ready to talk about it yet. Artie asked if they were going to smother him in his sleep or something. Eric was going off on Artie calling him names and getting into his Italian heritage.
Howard kept asking Eric what he wanted to be called and kept playing the edited clips and was almost ready to settle on ''Eric the asshole.'' He had him saying Eric the...
Howard said he thought this Kendra thing was odd and thinks that there must be something going on with her. Robin asked him if he talked to his girlfriend yesterday. Eric said she was worn out from working and didn't have time to talk to him. Artie figured she was worn out from fucking other guys. Eric said they texted and emailed a couple of times.
Artie told Eric that he's a gay wad for texting her. Howard asked him one more time what he wanted to be called and played another clip where they had him saying ''Eric the piece of shit.'' Eric told Howard that's not really him, someone must have edited clips together. Howard played even more of those clips and almost settled on ''Eric the Retard.''
Artie asked Eric why he was so boring today. Eric didn't know why that was. Howard told Eric that he's going to make one of Eric's dreams come true this week. He said it's not the one where Fred is going to jerk him off. He said he thinks that it's something that Eric would really enjoy. Fred went into his Eric impression and goofed on him a little bit.
Eric told Howard that Kendra doesn't want anything to do with the show and she's not going to call in because of that. Gary told Eric to dare him to get her on the show. Eric said that she's not looking for that. Gary insisted that he dare him to get her on the show. Eric said that he didn't want to do that but he thinks that she's not looking for publicity on the show. Howard dared Gary to do it instead. Gary said he plans to have her on by Thursday.
Howard asked Eric what he's going to do if she does do the show by then. Eric said that she won't do it. He knows that she'll give them a ''no'' answer. Eric doesn't think that they'll even be able to contact her. Eric said that Kendra had met someone off of SFN to promote her site. She met this guy, he defended her and he introduced her to Johnny Fratto who introduced her to him. That's how he met her.
Howard said that every hot chick doesn't want to come on his show to promote. He ended up asking Eric one more time what he wants to be called. He played another of those clips but Eric said that he talked over it and said ''actor.''
Howard asked Eric what he's going to do if Kendra does call into the show. Eric said he knows she won't so he doesn't have to answer. He said it won't come to that. He's not going to ban her from doing the show but he doesn't think that she'll be on.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that he loves Eric's new nickname of Eric the Sack of Shit. Eric told him he was Jeff the Trailer Park Trash and told him to shut the fuck up. Another caller asked what the deal is with torturing this guy. He said he finds the bit funny but it seems like some kind of torture. Howard said that Eric's whole life is this show so he has some fun with him. He said that excluding him from the show would be mean. Eric does take time off from the show once in a while.
Howard took a call from ''Kendra'' which was actually Richard doing his female impression. She said that she would never do the show to promote her web site (and threw out a phony web site name over and over again). Eric told Richard he was an asshole.
Howard asked Eric what Kendra calls him. He said that she calls him sweetheart or sweetie. He asked him what else she calls him and played more of those clips. He told Eric that he is working on something special for him and he thinks that he's going to love it. He let Eric go a short time later and went to break.
Howard said that he was asked by his hair stylist if the Giants were going to get into the Super Bowl if they win this weekend. He said he had no idea. He said that he figured that they had played enough and won that the should be in. Then he read in the paper that they will get in if they win this weekend.
Artie said that the game is on Sunday and they're going to be playing in some very cold conditions. HE's thinking about going out to Green Bay to see the game. Howard thinks that's nuts because it's so cold out there. Artie said that it would be a great experience to see a historic game like that but he knows he could just hang out at home and watch it on TV. He said that he'd be rooting for the Giants too so he could get his ass kicked out there.
Artie said that he could scalp some tickets if he really wants to go out there. They have off on Monday for Martin Luther King Day so that's the only reason Artie is considering going out there this weekend. He said he has a couple of other guys who might go with him.
Howard said that maybe he should hire some male hookers so he can pay them to leave. Artie said that would be kind of funny to put on an invitation ''...9 o'clock or until I get bored with you.'' He said that Howard has had parties before where he says that the party is over at 1am and at 1 in the morning, that was it, the bouncers kicked everyone out of there.
Robin said that she's had some parties where she has to get people out of there at the time she says she wants them out. She's not putting people up the whole night. Howard said that he invited some people over to have dinner with him after Letterman last week. Ralph ended up staying at the restaurant until midnight. He just won't go home. Ralph said he was having fun hanging out with Bruce Willis.
Howard said that he gets tired and has to leave at some point. Ralph said he gets tired around midnight so that's why he stayed so late. Artie asked Howard if he was always like this or if he changed as he got older. Howard said he's always been like that.
Howard said that he's having this house built and talked to Beth about having people over. He said he just wants them to stay for a short time and then leave. He said that Artie was the best when he came out because he did his own thing and left them alone. He said that he slept for most of the day and then showed up for dinner so he didn't spent too much time with him.
Artie said that he and Ralph were hanging out at the pool and he could tell that Howard was okay with that. He didn't want to be bothered having to entertain them. Ralph said that he's very low maintenance himself but Howard said that's not true. He said that he'd come downstairs and find a cigarette on the bar. Ralph said he didn't smoke in the house though.
Howard was talking about how Robin is tough to hang out with too. Ralph said that you have to entertain her. She said that's not true though. Howard said that his parents aren't easy to hang out with either because they need constant attention. He said he has to talk to them constantly because they don't know how to just chill out. Robin said she'd love to come over and just hang out at his house and read a book. Howard said that he'd love to have her over then.
Robin said that she used to talk to Howard on the phone and they were really quick conversations. She said that they'd talk business and get the call over with quickly. Artie said that he hates getting phone calls where people give you a 10 minute message and only give the pertinent information in the last 30 seconds of the message. He said he wants to strangle someone when that happens.
Artie asked Howard what it was like when he was going out and picking up chicks. Ralph said that they'd go out really early in the evening and go home really early. Howard said he used to call Ralph and tell him he wanted to go out to dinner early and then to a club. Ralph would tell him that the clubs don't start jumping until like 1 in the morning. Howard said that they'd go out to dinner at 6, go to a club at 8 and he'd pick a woman from whatever selection he had.
The guys talked about how Howard and Ralph would go out to these clubs and once Howard left, Ralph would be asked to either leave or move his table. Howard said that he rarely talked to people in the club and he'd just get phone numbers so he could talk to them out of that environment.
Gary came in and said that Scott is upset because he thinks that Jason set it up. The two of them made up over vacation and agreed to get along on the show. Then Shuli went to Jason and asked if he could call her mother. Then DePace heard about it and now all bets are off. DePace came in and said that Jason never apologized to him, he went to Doug Goodstein and tried to broker some kind of deal. He said that he's not the bad guy in this whole thing, Jason is.
Jason came in and said he didn't go to Scott because Scott won't talk to him. He said he called Doug and he knows that Scott really hates him. He asked him to keep Scott away from him and he'd stay away from Scott. He said that Doug told him that he'd talk to Scott about this and they'd work things out. Scott said that's not what Doug has been telling him.
Jason said that they were going back and forth in the halls and just nodding at each other. Then Scott heard about the tape and got all pissed off again. Howard said the funny thing is that Doug is playing both sides of this whole thing.
Doug came in and said that he did tell Scott that he's buying into Jason pushing his buttons too much and he's taking it too far. Jason said that he did apologize to Scott for calling his kids mongoloids because he was in the heat of the moment at the time he did that. Jason said that Scott took every bad picture of him that he could find and put them into a Christmas card and gave it to him.
Jason told Scott that he's a grown man that's obsessed with hating him and he should just grow up. He said he makes fun of his job, the way he looks and other stuff and he's just attacking him for no reason. Scott and Jason went back and forth arguing about this stuff for a few minutes and Howard let them do it without interrupting.
Jason said that Will told him that Scott was furious with the audio clip of his mother. Will came in and said that's not what he said, he just said that Scott wanted to respond to the tape.
Howard took some phone calls and some guys were siding with Jason and some were siding with Scott. One guy thought that it wasn't fair of Jason's mother to get a say in all of this when Scott's mother didn't. Artie said that Jason's mom is a huge fan of the show and she's a very nice person, she was just responding to a question.
Lisa said that Jared from Tim Sabean's office was offered an apology from JD but the two of them still aren't getting along. Howard said he heard from JD that he's done with that whole thing and he just wants to move on with his life and not have that guy bothering him. Fred said he heard that Jared really liked JD and he was trying to help him out and hook him up with some chicks.
JD came in and said that he's found Jared to be very arrogant and he got tired of that and decided not to talk to him anymore. Howard said he's not sure how he'd get through the day without talking to JD. He also said he wonders what Jared's mother thinks of all of this. He said that in a sarcastic tone.
JD said that he's jealous of Jared's good looks and asked ''who isn't?'' Howard told JD to go back to his booth and get to work. JD let out a laugh as he was leaving. Howard said he loves everyone there when Lisa asked him about that.
Lisa said they have a story about George Takei coming up on Howard 100 News as well. Howard let her go after that.
The caller said he wanted to know what Ralph's thoughts were on that show. Howard found that surprising. The caller also said that he wanted to come in and eat a Pez out of Sal's pouch as a goof. Howard thought the guy might be gay but the guy said he's not.
Howard said that they were in their meeting recently and found out that they have a Simpsons xBox to give away. They asked Richard if he'd be willing to take Sal's balls in his mouth for the xBox. Richard said he would so they may have to let him do it. He said that some of their top rated shows on Howard TV are the ones where those guys do that gay shit.
Howard said that Sal said that he'd do it too. Richard said that the xBox is a limited edition and he'd really like to have it. Sal came in and said that he never said he'd do this. He said he doesn't want an xBox. He said he's not going to share shit with Richard either.
Sal said that it's like he never said anything and they just ignore him when he says that he never agreed to this stuff. Howard asked Richard when he wants to do this whole thing. He said that they've got this fan who is going to donate the xBox so he's thinking that he'd have to have it in house before he goes through with it.
Sal still didn't know what he was going to get out of all of this. The guys started throwing in money and it got up to about $600 but that wasn't enough for him. Sal asked if he could have some sponsor money but Gary reminded him that they can't do that anymore.
Howard wanted to do this whole thing next week but Richard wants the xBox there before he'll do it. Sal asked for a full $1000 instead of the 600 bucks. The guys agreed to do that for him and sent the two of them on their way. Howard asked the two of them what their best call was that they've done lately. Sal and Richard told them about one of the calls they made to a public access TV show. Howard played the call a short time later. Sal and Richard jerked around the host and his guests for a few minutes in those prank calls.
Howard played some clips of Benjy and Richard asking these girls at the AVN awards some questions as if they were from some deaf channel. Richard was doing his deaf guy impression and mumbling through some questions that the girls didn't understand. They tried to figure out what he was saying but had a hard time figuring it out.
Howard said that Robin is like a rape victim who has to go and tell the news department everything that she's going to be out doing with Jim. Robin said that Steve Langford was asking her a bunch of questions about that and she doesn't know what to tell him. She's not sure what's going to come out about her visit to Boston.
Howard said that this dating is getting serious according to something Jim Florentine said. Robin said that it's no more serious now than it had been. Howard asked her about her dating Mr. X and if that was serious. Robin said she's not sure what he means by all of this. Robin said that she was really serious with Mr. X, she and Jim are still getting to know each other. She said that she likes him a lot but she's not saying that she's in love with him.
Howard asked if Jim has ever said he loves her. Robin laughed and said no. Howard asked her if she was shocked when she saw his big balls. She claimed that she hasn't seen anything. Howard asked Robin if she ever thinks about how guys can walk around with big balls like that. She said she knows nothing about his balls but she does wonder about how guys do that sometimes.
Howard asked Robin about going up to Boston and if her nephew approved of Jim. She said that they did get along very well. Fred was doing his impression of Jim and goofing around with Robin a little bit. Mariann from Brooklyn said that this is very serious from what she can tell. She said that she wouldn't be traveling around like this if she wasn't in love with him. She asked Robin if she's in love with him and Robin paused for a second and didn't say a thing. She told Mariann that they should have lunch together. Mariann let out a scream so Howard had to hang up on her because of that voice of hers.
Fred made a joke about Jim's balls smelling like coffee but Howard didn't get the reference. Artie knew that he was talking about Robin's coffee enemas. That led to the guys talking to Robin about the coffee enemas and what kind of coffee she uses. She said it's some kind of organic coffee.
Howard said that he's supposed to go out to dinner with Robin and Jim soon and he'll get to see this love in person. He talked about the enema thing a little more and had Fred playing some clips of Sal singing about her coffee enemas.
Howard wondered if anyone else had seen Jim and Robin out as a couple other than him. Gary said they all saw them out at the DogCatemy awards. Robin said that sometimes she sees an interracial couple out on the street and she wonders if they look that odd together.
The guys put up a picture of Jim and Robin together on the monitor in the studio and Artie claimed to have never seen Jim in a sport jacket before. He wondered where his Black Sabbath t-shirt was.
Robin talked about Jim and her nephew meeting and how odd that couple was. She said that her nephew is a rocket scientist and Jim makes Meet the Creeps videos.
Artie talked about some of the stuff that Richard knew about the girls that they were meeting at the AVN awards. He said that Richard knows the resume's of a lot of the girls out there. Richard said that they fucked with Dave Navarro out there at the show and had him moving all over the place. Howard played that clip where Benjy and Richard were asking him to move into a certain position. They jerked him around for a few seconds but Dave got annoyed and eventually walked away. Richard said the visual on that is the best.
Howard saw some other clips that he had to play. He said that he had a clip of Artie toasting Bob Levy at his engagement party. He also had some clips of a midget who was at Bob's party. He played some of those clips of Wee Matt who sounded kind of like Steve-O. He was laughing and telling stories. Richard asked him to ride on his back but the guy laughed and said it was all good.
Gary said that he had this guy in the car with him because Jeff Beacher sent him over to pick him up. Artie said that they put these guys in Oompa Loompa outfits and has the midgets performing at parties and stuff. That's what Dan the Song Parody Man is helping out with out there. Artie said that Dan is doing really well out there doing this stuff too.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he zoned out on the Terminator show. He said that he'd give it a D- grade. He said he just didn't get it. Howard said he must be wrong but he liked it. Howard said the kid does seem like a bit of a pussy for someone who is supposed to lead the fight against the robots.
A woman called in and said that the best part of the History of Howard Stern was that there was no Ralph. Ralph said that part 2 is going to be very Ralph heavy.
Ralph said that he thinks that he has the Green Bay tickets and he wants Artie to get the field tickets so they can go down on the field when the Giants win.
Howard played a new voice mail clip from Richard's dad where he talks about how they're getting a new Taco Tico out there way. He also wished Howard a Happy Birthday in the clip. Howard said he wishes that his father would give him little updates like that when he calls. He said that the guy seems like a really nice guy.
Howard played a clip of Artie toasting Rev. Bob Levy at his engagement party out in Vegas. Artie was actually roasting Bob and goofing on him the whole time. He was making fun of the size of the ring and telling Bob's fiancé to get the hell out now, before Bob ruins her. Artie said that this girl is very cute and nice. He said that it deflated her when he told her that her ring looked like Beth's ring had taken a shit.
Richard told Howard about some of the stuff he was doing to Joey Buttafuoco out there at the AVN awards. They had Benjy pretending to get ready to puke on him. Richard kept sticking the microphone in his face and goofing on him. Howard played the audio of that where Joey gets all pissed off at him for sticking the microphone in his face too close.
Joey saw Benjy looking at him like he was about to puke and wondered if the two of them were drunk or something. Joey got pissed that Richard was trying to touch his penis and he got all pissed about that too. Joey told Benjy that if he picked on him, he'd drop him. Benjy said he thought he was for real about that too. Howard said that all of this will be on Howard TV.
Howard said that Richard and Benjy interviewed John Wayne Bobbit but didn't really ask him that many questions. Richard said that he kept saying ''uh, um, uh'' a lot so they picked up on that and kept doing it right back at him. They had him doing even more ''Ums'' by asking questions that didn't make any sense to him. Then they thanked him over and over again as he was walking away.
Artie said he thought that they had tested Bobbit and found that he was almost retarded. Richard said he kind of felt bad for the guy. He had his cock cut off and there they were goofing on the guy.
Howard had another clip where Richard and Benjy were talking to Lexington Steel about fucking Scott in the ass. He once said that he would never have done that even though they wanted him to be the one to fuck Scott up the ass. Howard said that would have been the greatest pay-per-view event ever if they had been able to make that happen. They were just using Lexington Steel as an example of the kind of porn guy that would do Scott. They wanted a guy with a huge cock to do it and that was the guy whose name came up. Artie said he remembers laughing his ass off that day, even after the show had ended. He said that he and Stuttering john shared a cab for about 15 minutes that day and didn't speak a word, they just laughed about it the whole time.
Howard played the clip of Richard and Benjy asking Lexington Steel about the Scott thing. Lexington said he would have never done that at all. He doesn't do