Howard was back live this morning after their week long vacation. Howard started off the show wondering where to begin. He said he got a lot of great comments about the Jackie special they ran during the vacation. Artie said he thought it was great. Robin said she got addicted listening to it because it was so compelling. Artie said he must have listened to 7 hours of it. He said he was in a car listening to a lot of it. Howard said he thought about calling Artie last week. He said he thought about it but never did it. He wanted to talk to him about leaving the show. Artie said he never said he was definitely going to leave. Robin and Howard said he kind of did though.
Artie said he's busy putting together his slander lawsuit against Robin for saying he called Howard a jerk. He said he never did call him a jerk. He said that Steve Langford looked into it and found that he never said the word ''jerk.'' He said that he was kind of joking around when he was talking about Howard but he never called him a jerk. Robin said that he did say something about Howard and Gary being something like that. Artie said it was ''suckers'' not ''jerks.'' He said it wasn't said in anger either.
Robin said that she could have opened the show up with ''sucker'' instead of ''jerk'' then. Artie said he was just joking around.
Howard said that he and Beth were talking about Artie and how upset he seems to be lately. He said it was kind of weird and that Artie might be leaving in January. He said it was kind of sad talking about it. Then he started thinking that what Artie did was kind of crazy. He said he was thinking about Artie's lifestyle. He said Artie's thought process was to go to Italy or someplace for six months. He said Gary told him about some doctors who called and said that you can pack your bags and go away but that baggage he's trying to get rid of will still be with him.
Artie and Robin were still going back and forth while Howard was talking about this Artie thing. He said he was thinking about Artie and his stand-up gigs and stuff like that. Artie said he spoke to a therapist this weekend and the therapist was asking him if he could make some drastic changes without taking time off of work. He said he's not sure about that at this point. He's been able to lose the weight before but the last time he did it, he was on heroin. He said he doesn't want to do that again because it wasn't pleasant.
Howard said he talked to Ralph about the whole Artie thing and even he was saying that Artie has nothing to do in the afternoons while people like Jon Hein and Gary have families they have to go home to and deal with. Artie said that everyone is different though. Howard said it seems like Artie feels really good when he gets help because that's how it was when he got the Subutex stuff to help him out with the heroin addiction.
Artie said that the therapist he spoke to said that he never really addressed whatever the problem is. He said that he does need to take the time to get himself straight. He said that he's waiting to get help because he doesn't want to leave them hanging with the show. Howard said that it's kind of fun not taking care of yourself because you can continue to eat all of that junk for the next six months. He told Artie he loves the drama in his life.
Artie said he shacked up with a chick over the vacation for a few days and they went up to a lake to just hang out. He said it was great. This woman is one he rekindled things with from a long time ago. He told the guys how he stays at hotels when his cleaning woman comes on Tuesdays. He said they went to this hotel in the city for a few days and just hung out with her. He said they just watched the Yankee game from bed instead of going out. He said they drove up to a lake after that. They hung out and had dinner out in Jersey by this lake. He said he was thinking about how nice it was out there and figured he'd never been to one before. He said he'd seen them in movies and shit but wasn't sure if he had ever been there.
Howard said that a lake can get kind of boring while you can walk on a beach by the ocean if you move there. He wondered how big the lake was. Artie said he could see the other side of it so it couldn't have been all that big. He said it wasn't a ''great lake'' but it was a ''pretty good lake.'' He said they had some good food up there at the restaurant they ate at. It was up by Lake Wallkill.
Eric told Artie that if he leaves the show, he figures that he won't get another job. Eric said he'll get a job before Artie does. Howard heard a new Eric voice mail so he played that because Eric was pissed at him for some strange reason. Eric said that Sal had interviewed him about Artie too. Howard remembered that and played the clip where Eric talked about Artie possibly quitting the show. In the Wack Pack Feedback we heard from Riley Martin who gave his thoughts on Artie's threats to leave. Blue Iris also called in and suggested that Artie take some time off to eat out some cunts. Gary the Retard told Artie to just leave so he doesn't have to deal with his bullshit anymore. Eric said that Artie's future will be nothing more than collecting an unemployment check.
Howard thought Eric was better in that bit than he was with his call this morning. Eric said ''whatever'' to that comment. They talked about Gary the Retard's comments and how clear he seemed to be with that. Howard said it was kind of weird.
Howard had a voice mail from Eric the Midget where he complained about him not picking up the phone fast enough. Eric said that he always gets left on hold for 2 and a half hours or more. Howard said there was another clip where he complained about him so he played that as well. Eric said that he tries to call in to talk about stuff but he gets left on hold too much. He said that he doesn't want to hear about him complaining about the heat in his limo. He said he was going to call in the next day to talk about the same thing the next day and he had better get on the air instead of waiting on hold for hours. He got cut off in the middle of a sentence which was very funny to Robin.
Howard said it's weird how Eric doesn't get that he's doing a show there and he can't always get to him. Eric said that he has stuff that relates to the subject they're talking about and he wants to get on. Howard said that there are some people who don't like him so he can't put him on all the time. Eric started to talk about what he wanted to talk about but Howard couldn't take it and hung up on him because he said he couldn't take it anymore.
Howard said that Jackie started writing him after the Artie news came out. He said Jackie was asking him to come by and swim with him after all of that went down. Artie said he remembers listening to that Jackie stuff when he was living out in L.A. and didn't hear the day that Jackie said he wasn't coming back. He'd missed the main thing that went down with Jackie. Howard talked about the positive feedback they got about all of that stuff.
Artie said that he thinks he has another lawsuit. He said that in that Jackie special they said that they were going to pay Jackie's replacement what he was getting paid and Artie thinks he's still not making that kind of money even today so he should sue.
Howard said that the guys who put together the specials did a great job and some of the stuff went on for like 7 hours or so (Actually 13 hours one day). He got some complaints about how long some of it ran because they had so much of it. He said they have a lot of other specials coming up over the next few years. This Christmas they have a Howard Stern Show History special that will run for two weeks.
Artie talked about how great it was when Jackie would laugh at his own jokes and did an impression of the laughs Jackie would do back then. Howard said that Billy West had every laugh down too and would do impressions of them. Artie said he liked that Howard was goofing on Jackie for about 80 percent of that special. That all led to Fred playing all of Jackie's different laughs. The guys all got some laughs out of that.
Robin said she remembers the show where Jackie complained about them not laughing at some of his jokes and stuff like that. Howard said that if Artie leaves the show in January, they're going to have to run a special about him as well. Artie said that he gets treated very well there and he thinks he's the opposite of Jackie.
Howard said he heard that Jackie was claiming to have invented many things that happened on the show. Robin said that Jackie was claiming that he had gotten some money out of Howard and Don Buchwald when he was in contract negotiations. Artie said he liked the day that Jackie was walled out from the E! cameras because he was in contract negotiations with them at the time.
Gary came in and said that Jackie used to talk to him about how they needed to unify to get money out of the company back when he was in his contract negotiations. They talked about that stuff and how Jackie was always about trying to get money. Howard said he got a note from Jackie who said he appreciated the special and said his wife Nancy wants to be on Dial-A-Date. He said that she's serious about that so Howard said he might just have to do that. He said that they could have Jackie's ex-wife on ''Fuck Jackie's Ex-Wife'' instead of Dial-A-Date. Robin said that Nancy told her that she can find just about any man attractive in some way.
Gary told Howard that the intern was there so Howard told him to bring her in. She came in and said that she likes really skinny guys. That's why she gave Artie such a low rating. She said she liked Jon Hein's personality because he was so nice to her so that meant a lot. She said that she gave JD a 3 but would probably change it. Artie said that he respects this girl because she's being honest.
Howard heard that this intern was taking pole dance classes. She said she was doing it for fun and exercise. She said she doesn't get dressed up or anything but it is kind of a fantasy of hers to dance in front of men like that. She said you make up your own stripper name for the class and hers is Saint Luscious. Howard said that some of those girls are in really good shape because they're in those heels for 8 hours a day. That led to the guys talking about last night's ''The Sopranos'' because there was a funny line in there about one of the girls falling off her shoes.
Artie asked the intern what her name was and found out it's Lindsay. He said he might have to bring her over to Letterman with him on Wednesday when he goes to do that. He couldn't believe that she gave JD double the score that she gave him. Howard asked Lindsay who she would sleep with, Jon Hein or Artie. She said that was a tough one and she wasn't sure she could pick. Artie said he'll have to take another intern to Letterman with him.
Artie said he's never heard of a 1.5 score from a chick before. He's never even heard that about a chick. He said it's almost like getting a zero. That led to Fred playing the ''Zero point zero'' clip from ''Animal House.'' Howard asked Lindsay why he didn't get a zero. She said that it's because he's funny. Jason got a 5 for being funny so Artie found that hard to believe. Howard said that Jason might be kind of interesting because he's on medication for depression and stuff.
Gary said they had a funny thing happen with Jason at K-Rock because he was taking medication that made him open up and he insulted Tom Chiusano. Artie said that he almost wanted to hit Jason in the face with a Fungo bat because he was so annoying. Howard asked Jason what it was he was taking. Jason said it was Lexipro which is the same stuff he's taking now. He said he now knows what to expect from the stuff and he feels good about it now. Howard said he kind of liked the old Jason.
Jason said that this is the first time he's ever rated higher than a 3 and he was very excited about it. Artie said that when he was in high school he had friends that would rate ugly teachers at a 2 so this 1.5 doesn't mean all that much. Lindsay said she actually gave him a 1.5 to a 2 so it wasn't just the 1.5. Artie wondered what makes the difference. Howard figured it was the shaving or something.
Howard let Lindsay go after that. Artie said that she's not going to the Letterman show. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard played one clip where they called Artie one of the Wack Pack and said that he announced he would be leaving in January. Gary told Howard to go to another clip where Lisa G got a hold of Dr. Keith Ablow and asked him about Artie. Howard played another clip first. In that news report they talked about Artie getting up to 300 pounds and that the announcement was kind of a surprise. Howard said that's what kind of pissed him off because it did come to him as a surprise.
Artie said that Howard never wants to take a personal meeting off the air so that's why he didn't take one with him. Howard said he doesn't get why Artie is leaving the show for the reasons he gave. Artie said that he might be leaving and he should be glad that he's leaving because it will free up a lot of money in the budget. Gary wondered why he's planning this out for that far ahead. Artie said that he's taking his health problems seriously and he wants to do something. Artie said that he would leave the show tomorrow if everyone was okay with it. Howard found that hard to believe.
Howard played some song parodies that the fans have started sending in. There was one where the guy was singing about Artie and how he'd be working on the docks by next May. Mike Morse sent in one of them that was to the tune of a Billy Joel song.
Howard played Lisa G's interview with Dr. Keith Ablow. In the clip Lisa asks Dr. Ablow about Artie and what he thinks about his threats to leave the show. Dr. Ablow said that when you go to rehab you have to find those things that you're running from and going to Italy isn't going to make him happy. Artie said it sounds like it might make Italy even shittier.
Artie said he found out that Nicole Richie is on Letterman with him on Wednesday night. That led to the guys talking about how awful she's looking these days from being so skinny. That led to the guys talking about Lindsay Lohan since she's in a picture with a friend pretending to hold a knife to her. She appears to be out of her mind and she's hot and Howard seems to like that.
The guys talked about some of the stuff that went on in the show and how great they thought it was. Howard said the show was great. He got back to the MTV thing and said that the chick who was working with Jay-Z in the show was kind of hot but he really liked her song. He had some clips from the show to play. JD told him where the clips were. Howard was about to play the clip of this Rihanna chick but Artie just saw the picture of Lindsay Lohan and said she looked hot.
Howard played the Rihanna song and asked the guys if he was out of his mind for liking it. He played the clip and said he just realized it was terrible when he didn't see her face. He said he liked it last night but now he's hearing it again and it's awful. He also talked about how Paris Hilton was there at the awards last night and apparently went right ahead and checked herself into jail early to avoid the paparazzi. Sarah kind of bashed her right in front of her face so he played a clip of that. Sarah talked about how they were going to make her feel more comfortable by painting the bars of the cell to look like penises. She said that she was afraid she was going to break her teeth on them. Howard said they cut to Paris and she looked pissed about that joke.
Howard said the movie that got voted the best movie that people haven't seen yet is that Transformers movie and it looked pretty good to him. He said that he got a call about a week ago from the movie people and they wanted him to be a voice of a radio in one of the Transformers. He said his agent convinced him that he didn't belong in the movie. He said the letter he got sucked him in but his agent gave him a slap in the face and made him realize that it wasn't going to make or break him so he decided against it.
Howard played a clip from the pre-show there at the MTV Movie Awards where they spoke to Paris Hilton about going to jail. Paris said she was scared but she was ready to serve her sentence. She's only going in for 23 days and Howard said they make it seem like she's courageous for showing up there.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he loved the Jackie special last week. He said he listened all weekend and didn't do anything else. That led to Howard talking about how Jackie's ex-wife wants to do a dial-a-date on the show. Another caller said that he loved the Jackie special as well. Howard said they have a whole crew of guys working on that old stuff now. He said they hit a home run with the specials that they've run so far and they have a lot more coming up.
The caller asked Howard if Fred has to go through Benjy when he wants to send him a note. Howard said that Fred doesn't have to go through him at all.
Robin said that she and Judith Regan are doing this detox thing together. Howard asked Robin about the other diets that she's done over the years. Robin said she's trying to figure out a way to do this all the time. She said she had read an article in the news about a book coming out and they had contacted her to find out if she'd be interested in that. Howard asked her what's going on with the drink she's taking. She said that she gets it ever couple of hours.
Howard talked to this doctor who was there helping Robin out. Roni the doctor came in and told Howard what she was giving Robin to drink earlier. She said she's going to live with Robin for two weeks in her house and give her advice on what to eat. She said that they have this vegetable drink that is full of so much it's worth six servings of vegetables.
Robin said that today is the first day of the diet so she's just beginning this morning. She said that drink she got this morning was the first one. Howard was laughing as he was hearing all of this diet stuff. Howard said he would go insane if he had this woman shadowing him in his house for two weeks. The caller said that this stuff was even better than the old Jackie stuff they heard last week. Howard asked Roni to continue talking about this stuff. She told Howard about more of the special drinks that they were going to be making for Robin. They're going to have some soups and other special drinks. She's going to be eating and drinking this stuff every 2 hours.
Roni told Howard and Artie about the treatments and the lifestyle changes that Robin would be making over the next couple of weeks. They have this infrared treatment they do and she even had the machine there at the studio.
Gary asked Robin if the doctor is going to ride with her in her car every morning. Robin said that she will be coming with her the whole time. She said that she'll be in the car the whole time. Howard said that Robin is going to be miserable for two weeks. He said he knows her and she's going to go crazy after two days. Robin said she doesn't know her very well and she's not going to go crazy.
Robin said that Gary is always trying to figure her out and he really knows nothing about her. Howard brought them back to this discussion with Doctor Roni and asked her what she charges people for this type of consultation. She said it can be ten thousand or more.
Howard and the guys asked Robin what she's going to do at home when she wants to watch TV or something. She said that she can watch her whenever she wants and she'll be around her house the whole time. She's going to keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn't eat anything she's not supposed to. Howard said that Robin is fine and she doesn't need to detox. Gary asked what Roni will do if she thinks that Robin is cheating. Roni said she doesn't think Robin will cheat so she's not worried about that.
Roni said that she thinks that Robin will change a lot in the next two weeks and they will see it. She said that Robin will lose a pound a day so in two weeks she should be down 14 pounds. Howard said it would be great if Robin died from hunger and the doctor ended up in jail. Irish John called in and said he has a Jack Lalane juicer that he could bring over to Robin's and he'd bring Eddie the Produce Guy with him and she'd be all set. Robin said she doesn't want to spend that much time with him.
Artie asked if he could do something like this without having someone move in with him. Roni said he could do it on his own. Dominic Barbara called in and asked if she's a real Medical Doctor. She said she's got a PHD from Clayton University which is a natural healing school... on the web. Dominic told her that she can't call herself a doctor if she's not a real doctor.
Howard told Roni that she should move in with Artie and get him straightened out. Artie said he's not sure if he'd let anyone move in with him. She said that they have a retreat for people who don't want someone living with them. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked what the hell is going on because this is the kind of crap that people get into when they don't want to be real. She wondered what the fuck was going on with the show. She told Robin to go on a fuckin' diet if she wanted to lose weight. She went nuts asking Howard to talk about Rosie O'Donnell and stuff like that instead of this diet bullshit. Howard said he'd talk about it but they haven't had time.
Howard wrapped up with Roni and said he hopes it helps Robin get better. He asked her when she's going to have her first colonic. She said that would be in about 3 days. She'll be there with Robin while she gets it done. She said she will examine the colonic stuff so Howard asked her what they cold expect. She said that by the time that comes around it should be nice and firm and the color will be good. She won't be asking her to save her bowel movements or anything like that. They talked about the colonics and what kind of stuff they could see coming out. Roni said that she's seen worms and mucus come out during other colonics.
Howard let Roni plug her web site MVDietDetox.com and then wrapped up with her. You can also check out her book ''21 Pounds in 21 Days: The Martha's Vineyard Diet Detox.''
Howard said that this is going to drive Robin nuts and he knows it. He said he'd like to have this Penthouse Pet that's coming in stay with him for two weeks. Gary asked what kind of affliction Robin has that she's trying to detox from. Robin said she has problems and has fallen down and things like that. Robin said that she feels like she's dying sometimes and that's why she's trying to clean herself out. Howard said he has to talk to her off the air because he thinks that she's just fine. He said she doesn't need to go to drastic extremes like this. Robin said she needs to diet to lose weight again because she feels so much better when she does that. Howard had to take another break a short time later.
Gary came in and said that some of the guys researched the web site where Dr. Roni got her PHD. The found some info on QuackWatch.com. He read through some of the info they had on there and how it wasn't much of a school at all. They also found some people who claim that they went to the school and found out some of the stuff that they claim to be able to cure with the right foods. Gary said he also found out some information about this guy Sugar Bear from the NY Giants who did some bible study with this woman and now believes that homosexuality is wrong
Howard interrupted and said that they have this Penthouse Pet, Kimberly Williams, coming in. He gave her some plugs for some appearances she's making and then had her come in. Artie said she was a Sophia Loren type from what he could see. Howard said it must be a big deal for her to be in the magazine. She said it is and they've treated her very well. She's in the June issue of the magazine.
Howard said Richard had a problem with the pictures in the magazine. He came in and said that when he goes on the web site he wants to see everything on a woman. He wants to see inside of her almost. Howard said that's not what he wants to see, that's not sexy to him. Kimberly said that Penthouse is kind of going in a different direction these days and she's not into doing that stuff. Richard said she's still hot.
Howard said that her boobs look real but she said they're fake. She said she was heavier and when she lost her weight, her boobs went with it. She got some small implants to make them a little fuller. Howard read that she was a flight attendant on a private jet. He said that would be amazing to get someone like her on a flight. She claims that she slept her way up to the top. She dated a guy who worked for this Net Jets company and that's how she ended up getting hired. She's currently single. Kimberly said she's not looking to be in a relationship right now. She hasn't had sex since February. Howard seemed to find that surprising.
Kimberly said that she had to go masturbate the other day when she was talking to a friend and the friend pointed out that it was the sixth time she had done it that day. Kimberly said she sometimes just sits home and watches porn all day long and that's what she does.
Howard said that Kimberly claims she has rape fantasies and things like that. He asked her to describe that stuff a little more. She said she has fantasies about being slammed around and stuff. He wanted to know what she'd like him to do to her if they were going to do this mock rape thing. She said it can't be set up, he'd have to do it as a surprise. Howard said she's probably end up beating him up or something if he tried it. Howard said that he could tie her to the bed and maybe put a gun to her head and stuff like that. She said the most realistic it is, the better it would be. She said that they could have a safety word that would put a stop to it all.
Howard asked Kimberly if she's ever been offered money for sex. She's never had that offer and figures that she was never that good looking. She changed subjects and told Howard that the safety word she usually uses in those type of situations is the guy's mother's name. She said that usually brings it to an end. She said she had to use it like that once because she started to bleed when the guy was faking the rape. She said the guy was very well endowed and he ripped her down there. She said she's very small down there and a lot of Asian women are like that. She said that she's part Asian and part American Indian.
Kimberly said that she had a tough childhood and her father was very strict. He would beat them with a switch and her grandmother would make them go out and find one to have used on them. Kimberly said that her father wouldn't even let her mother learn English. She was explaining all of that and Robin figured she may have known her father because she knew a guy who wouldn't let his wife speak to anyone. Kimberly said her mother eventually learned the language after she got divorced.
Howard gave Kimberly a plug for her web site KimmieWilliams.com and then asked her about how she's been sleeping with black guys lately. She said she just started that about 2 years ago. She said that they won't go down on her like other guys will though. Kimberly said they will tell her that to her face too. He said her father must hate that she sleeps with black guys. She said he is kind of old-school Southern so probably.
Howard asked her if she was willing to show herself naked. She said ''Sure!'' so Howard asked her if she wanted him to rape her. Artie said that he wanted to rape her but he was afraid he'd rip her as well. Howard asked Kimberly to take off her shirt and then demanded her to do that or he'd kill her. He was joking of course. Kimberly took off her headphones and then took her shirt off. Howard said it was like a work of art. Artie started throwing out the offers to sleep with him. She said she'd have to get back to him about that. He had thrown out a ten grand offer.
Howard told Kimberly her body was perfect after she took her pants off. She still had panties on. Artie raised his price up to $15,000. She said she'd take that and do him right there in the bathroom. Artie didn't want to do it there though, he wanted to take her somewhere else.
Howard took some phone calls for Kimberly. One guy said he saw this chick in the Playboy special editions and she's really hot. Howard started to wrap up after that call but Kimberly said she's friends with Shannon James who was Miss May in Playboy. She was the chick that they discovered on the show but Howard and Artie had forgotten her name already and had to be reminded who she was. Howard asked Kimberly if she wanted to ride the Sybian or get on the tickle pole or anything like that. She passed so Howard ended the segment and went to break.
Howard said he knew Bijou's father. He said he wanted to date her but always thought she was too young for him. He said he hasn't seen her in many years. He wondered when it was that they last saw each other. She said that it was probably 1999 or 2000. She asked if she could get some of the tapes from when her father was on the show. She said that would mean a lot to her. She said she used to listen to Howard's show a lot when her father was on.
Bijou told Howard that her father got a liver transplant and the liver actually had some cancer in it that they didn't know about so he had to go through chemotherapy and all of that. Howard said he didn't know that. Bijou said her father went to jail for a while. Howard didn't remember what that was about so Bijou filled him in on that. She said that he owned a drug store and got addicted to Dilauded. He ended up getting into trouble for that.
Howard said that Bijou was the original bad girl and was the original Paris Hilton. Bijou said Paris always told her she wanted to be just like her but she tried to talk her out of that. Howard asked her if she ever got it on with her. Bijou said ''no comment'' which Howard took as a ''yes.'' He asked her about what it was like growing up like she did and going out to clubs getting into trouble. She said she was only 15 and being offered all of this great stuff so she went out and did it. She doesn't do that stuff anymore though.
Howard asked Bijou why she hooked up with Sean Lennon. She said that she was very young at the time and he was there for her. He had been through the same thing with his father dying and stuff so they bonded over that. She said that she had some daddy issues too so she needed a guy to be the mature male in her life. She said that he cheated on her a bunch of times so she cheated on him to get back at him.
Howard said getting it on with Paris must have been amazing. He said she should have invited him in to see that. She said that the hot one is really Nikki Hilton. She swore that she didn't get it on with Paris but also wouldn't swear on the life of her father that she didn't. Howard asked Bijou if she's ever been in love with anyone. She started singing a little bit and Artie said she's got a nice voice. She said that there isn't much of a music business these days so she got out of that.
Bijou is in the new movie ''Hostel II'' so Howard talked to her about that. He said that the guy who directed it, Eli Roth, actually kind of worked for him back when he was making his movie ''Private Parts.'' He used to guard his room at night and wrote his movies while he was doing that. Howard read that Bijou was upset about a movie she did one time because they showed her in her underwear. She said that she wasn't really that upset about it and the director was a great guy.
Howard brought up Sean Lennon again and asked her if she was living with Yoko at the time. She said they did live with her for a short time but it wasn't all that long. Bijou said that she came out to live with him but they didn't stay there all that long so it wasn't all that weird. Howard asked her what kind of money he gets from his mother. She said that he spends all of that money on cool stuff like making his album and things like that.
Howard read that Bijou is dating this guy Danny Masterson from ''That 70's Show.'' She said that they've been dating for about 2 years and just bought a house together. Howard had no idea who the guy was or even what show they were talking about. Howard wondered if that guy will ever work again after ''That 70's Show.'' Bijou said he's working, he just shot a movie.
Howard asked Bijou about her friend Paris going to jail. She said that's very intense. She didn't know that Paris went into jail last night. She said she can't deal with it. She said she wanted to cry just thinking about it. She said she can't imagine spending 23 hours a day all alone with yourself. Howard asked her if that's because she's got nothing going through her head.
Howard asked Bijou if he could have had her. She said that he could have worked it and had her because she had daddy issues. She seemed to think that he could have really had her and said that he even asked her to go jogging with him one time. Howard said that never worked out though. Howard got back to the Paris thing and asked if it's boring to hang out with her. Bijou said that she's really funny but things can get kind of boring. She said that when they hang out and comment on other people, it's a lot of fun.
Howard asked Bijou about Nicole Richie. Bijou said that she was always a skinny girl but she went through some phases and was a little big for a little while but when they were kids, she was always the skinny one. Howard asked Bijou if she's ever going to get implants. She said she can't because both of her sisters are allergic to silicone. She said she thinks that she'd be allergic too so she won't ever do it.
Howard read a story about Bijou getting into a fight with another girl one time. She said it was a girl who had slept with a guy she had slept with and she spit in her direction. She said she didn't spit ''on'' the woman. Howard read that Bijou had peed in a guy's bed one time but she denied that story as well. Howard read that she got into a fight with Naomi Campbell as well. Bijou said that was true and that was because she had been calling Sean Lennon and leaving messages for him. She said she ended up getting into Naomi's face and scared her. Howard said that chick is the wrong one to mess with. Bijou agreed.
There was another story about Bijou getting into a fight with a Playboy bunny one time. She said that it was a long story but it was basically someone telling her a story that wasn't true and the fact that she was drinking. Howard said he wants to see the crazy Bijou and would like to see her drinking. She said that she had to pay the Playboy bunny some money over that fight too.
Howard said that Bijou was emancipated from her parents when she was just 15 years old. He said he wished he could have done that with his parents when he was that age. He said he still can't get away from them. Howard said that the image of Paris licking her and kissing her drives him nuts. He said he would love to see that.
The guys were talking to Bijou about Yoko Ono and she was telling them that Yoko's music is amazing. No one was buying that though. Howard took some calls for Bijou and one guy asked her if she's into ass play. She said she's never tried anal because it's scary to her. The caller had also asked if ever got it on with that Anne Hathaway chick. She said that never happened, they just did that movie ''Havoc'' together.
Howard played a clip from the show where Elijah Blue was on and bad mouthing Bijou. He said that she was ''some three o'clock slop'' to him. After playing that clip Bijou said that she thinks that he's talented and she has nothing but nice things to say about him. Howard said that he had just called her three o'clock slop and she's not going to come back with something. She said she's just not going to do that. Howard told her to give him some threesomes instead of giving guys like Elijah Blue that kind of stuff. Bijou said she just feels bad for Elijah when she hears that kind of thing.
Bijou said that she was letting Elijah live with her around that time when they were seeing each other. She said that she was giving him money and stuff. Howard said he wasn't buying this act, he figured that he'd end up with his fingers chopped off. Howard said he would love to know what was going on with Bijou and having threesomes with people. Howard said he only had that one time and it was a couple of girls getting it on with each other. Then the chick blew him.
Howard gave Bijou a plug for this movie ''Hostel II.'' Bijou said that the movie is really good and you don't need to see the first one before seeing this one. Howard took some more phone calls for Bijou. The caller asked if she's shaved. She said she keeps it clean down there but it's not shaved. Another guy said he liked that she was flashing her panties at this UFC event she was at. She didn't know she was doing that and said she didn't think that was the case. The caller insisted that she was showing them.
Howard started to wrap up with Bijou but Artie asked her to repeat just one funny thing that Paris Hilton had said to her. She said that Paris has her own language that she's kind of invented so it would be hard to explain one of her jokes to him. Artie also liked this little baby voice she was doing when she was talking about Howard's dog Bianca so he asked her to say ''Come here Artie'' in that voice. She did that a few times and then Artie started offering her money to have sex with him. He started out high at $65,000 because that's the kind of money she makes doing movies. Artie asked her to say one more thing in her baby voice. He had her say ''Come here Artie, show me your belly.'' She did that and Artie asked Scott to put that on CD for him. Howard went to break after that.
Howard had Gary come in to talk about this portable sauna thing that they had put in the studio so the Howard TV guys could shoot it. Gary said it looked like something you wrap around yourself. Robin said that they work better than regular saunas from what she's heard. She said her house in Staten Island has a sauna but not the place down on the Jersey shore where she's staying now. She said that everyone makes everything sound so sinister but it's really not.
Robin told Fred to go back to his boxing, Artie back to his heroin and Howard to his therapy... and to leave her alone. The Howard TV guys said that they could set Robin up to do the infrared sauna thing right there in the studio if they wanted. They had Dr. Roni come in to talk about it. She came in and said that this will make a person sweat and it's just part of the detox thing. She said that they could do it over pants if they wanted. Artie volunteered to give it a try. He just wanted to know if they cleaned it because he didn't want to get AIDS or anything.
Howard wasn't sure he wanted to wait while they hooked Artie up in that thing. Roni said it would take about 5 minutes to get him set up. Artie went over and laid on the floor. Gary said it looked like a giant mess of wires like you'd plug into your cable box.
Howard was going to go to Jeff the Drunk to kill some time while they hooked Artie up but he was distracted by all of the commotion. They were hooking him up to stuff and he couldn't stop watching. He did try taking some other phone calls. One guy said that he's probably going to die in a couple of weeks and he needs to get a call from Senator Bill Nelson. Howard wasn't paying attention and kept watching Artie getting hooked up. They were having some trouble hooking him up because he's so big. He was making some odd noises as they were wrapping him up.
Howard asked Gary to call this Senator Bill Nelson for the caller. He asked the guy to hold on while they checked Artie out. They had him wrapped up in a weird blanket looking thing. Roni said that it might take Artie a half hour before he starts sweating. She said that this is the detoxing and when you sweat stuff starts to come out of you. Artie said it felt great so far with the heat on him. He told Howard that it was really comfortable. He asked if he could ''whack it'' while he was in there. No one responded to that. Artie said it was kind of weird because he wasn't feeling all that hot but he was sweating.
Roni said that she wanted to get him on the diet that Robin was on but Artie asked why he couldn't just use this infrared thing. Roni said that she could give him some really good tasting anti-oxidant drinks that he'd like. She said that this is one of her favorite treatments other than the colonics.
Howard asked the guy on the phone what state he's from. He said he's down in Florida and asked them to help him get in touch with the senator because he wants to know why he can't get social security. He said he was in the service but he was hurt when he was working a regular job. He said he was crushed and had some of his ribs removed. He said that he really needs people to call the senator and complain for him. The guy said that his name is Paul Carter and he needs people to help him get through this red tape he has to get through. He said they need to call Senator Bill Nelson to help him out. Howard said he'd do what he could and then let the guy go.
Artie said that this infrared thing was really great and he's never been that comfortable before. Robin said that she told Artie about this before she started and he might just like it. Howard asked Roni how long it would take to get Artie straightened out. She said they could do it in 21 days. The thing is that he won't be chewing on anything. She said that you rest your digestive system by just drinking your meals.
Howard wanted to end the bit but Artie didn't want to get out of the heater thing. He wanted them to just move the whole couch out of the studio.
Jeff said that he's home now and his ass his healing okay. He said he had to call the nurse to help him fix his wound vac thing that sucks the juices out of his wound. He said it was full so he had to call her. That led to Artie goofing on him about the ass juice thing. He imagined what kind of Saturday night that nurse had. He did his Jeff impression where he was asking the nurse to come over to help him out.
Roni had to wipe Artie's head to get the toxins off of him. Richard Christy came in and asked how long he'd take to get out of that thing if he whipped his cock out. Artie said that he'd get out of there eventually and take care of him if he did.
Jeff kept interrupting and said that he had to change phones. When he did change phone, he somehow hung up on himself. Howard got back to Dr. Roni and Artie and asked Roni if she was attracted to Artie. Artie said that a 1.5 would be unbelievably grotesque. Roni gave him a 7. Artie thanked her and sounded like he was about to pass out. Howard joked about how two of Artie's 7 chins had disappeared already. That led to Artie doing his impression of Jackie laughing as if it were one of his own jokes. He let out that classic Jackie yelp when he was doing that.
Howard said he was reading about this giant pig that was killed recently and how it wasn't a wild boar, it was a family's pet that they killed. He said it really bummed him out when he read about it. He said he got some other bad news because the Sci-Fi channel announced that they are going to end Battlestar Galactica after the next season.
Shuli said that everyone out there had medical marijuana cards and got some weed to smoke. Shuli said that he and Beetlejuice watched ''Talladega Nights'' after getting baked. He said that Beet was laughing at all the right spots but then he was also laughing hard at the commercials.
Shuli said that Beet went into the bathroom at one point and stayed in there for about 20 minutes. He went over to see if Beet was okay so he opened the door asking if he was okay. He said he looked in there and saw him sitting on the toilet with his legs dangling from the toilet. Then he was closing the door and saw three piles of shit on the floor. He asked him to clean it up and then a short time later he said he opened the door and the bathroom was full of steam from the bath running and the smell of shit. He said he draws the line at cleaning up Beet's shit. Beetlejuice came out of the bathroom and asked him if he wanted to smoke some more. He said he would do that if he promised not to shit on the floor again.
Howard said that Artie had been in the sauna for almost 30 minutes and it was just about time to take him out. Howard said the couch looked disgusting but Artie looked the same. Artie let out that Jackie laugh when he heard that again. Howard said he has a feeling it's going to be gross when Artie comes out of that thing. He'll be all sweaty and crap.
A woman called in and asked to go to Artie's Pittsburgh gig. Artie said he'd hook her up if she was hot. She said she'd send pictures. They put her on hold and Shuli got back to his thing. Shuli told Howard about some of the stuff they were doing at the comedy shows out there in California. Howard got distracted and said that Artie was trying to drink a beer in that thing. Roni yanked it away from him and said that he was supposed to be detoxing.
Roni told Artie that it was time to get out of the sauna. They took the blanket off of him and he was all wet from sweating. Artie said that he felt fantastic after that. He told Dr. Roni that she had a great ass as he was getting unwrapped. He said he wanted to make out with her. Howard told him he was in no condition to do that, he just sweat for a half hour. Artie was really relaxed and couldn't get up off the couch. He said he was afraid to get up with his bat wings and all.
Howard told Artie to get up and get on the scale to see how much he weighed. Artie was soaking wet so Fred was playing splashing sounds like he was jumping into a pool. Artie wasn't feeling right and said he had to catch his breath. They let him just sit on the couch since he was a little light headed.
Howard asked Artie if he was really okay. Artie said he was feeling really bad about the stuff that went down before the vacation. He was acting all weird and mumbling as if he were drunk. Howard said that this might be the thing for Artie to do, just sweat. He sounded like he was wasted. Dr. Roni brought him a drink that was sweet that he should like. Artie said it tasted like water to him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they're going to kill Artie if they keep doing this stuff. He said that Artie got winded riding an escalator so they have to be careful. They talked about weighing him in again but he was still out of it on the couch so Howard was just going to leave him there.
Howard had Steve Langford come in to give his Howard 100 News preview. Steve said that they have an insider there who is giving information to RobinsWrong.com. Howard sounded surprised by that. The guys wondered who it was and theorized that someone like JD was doing it. JD came in and said that it wasn't him, he loves Robin and wouldn't do that to her. Steve said that the information came out during an interview about something else.
Steve said that one of the one of the guys who appears on Bubba the Love Sponge's show has been suspended form work because his pictures were used on Bubba's web site. Artie came walking back in around that time and got on the scale. Artie came in at an even 300 pounds so he is down a few pounds from the last time he weighed in. He thought he was under 300 last time but the guys said it was 303.
Howard had Steve wrap up his news preview and then moved on to Jon Hein. Jon gave his rundown of what they had coming up on today's Wrap Up Show. They're going to talk about Robin's detoxing, Artie's sauna use and Bijou Phillips' visit.
Howard said it was time for Robin to start her news. Artie said he was feeling good after that detoxing thing. He gave Robin a thumbs up on that and wished her luck with the sweat thing. Howard played a couple of song parodies for Robin's news as they were starting it off.
Bobo called in a little later and said that it seems like Angie is still in love with him. Howard said that's not surprising, she really loved him when they were together so she's probably still in love with him. That led to Howard talking more about the whole Angie thing and how great it was that she's said what she's said. He had something else to add to that but Bobo threw him off.
Howard said that he's marrying Beth because she's the best he's ever had. He said they still haven't set a date for the wedding though. They spent a short time on that before Robin got back to her news.
Ralph called in a short time later and asked if this kooky woman she's got living with her is going to come to the movies with them next week. Robin said if she's still there, yes. She thought the woman was going to be with her for just one week but she was saying two weeks this morning so she may be there next week. Howard had Robin get back into her news after he hung up on Ralph.
Howard ended up reading the article from Rolling Stone that he was going to put off for a day. The article was about President Bush and how inept he is at running the country. Howard said the author of the article had it all right in his opinion. He said this issue of Rolling Stone is really good, it's their 40th anniversary issue. He read through a few things from the magazine before Robin got back to her news.
Howard quickly mentioned that Perry Farrell would be on the show tomorrow performing ''Been Caught Stealing.'' He also said that Kathy Griffin was going to stop by and she's apparently one of the names being thrown around as being Rosie O'Donnell's replacement on The View. Robin wasn't so sure that would work out to well though.
Robin told Howard about how she had some 20-something year old people there at her house over the weekend and they were all watching Howard TV and the TV version of ''Private Parts'' which they all enjoyed very much. They were all doing the Baba Booey dance after seeing Sal the Stockbroker doing that and falling off the stage in one episode of Howard TV.
Robin wrapped up her news after that and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Howard started off the show asking Robin how she's doing with her new diet. He said he was thinking about her all day yesterday. Robin was laughing and smiling so he felt pretty good about that. He said the first person he saw when he walked in this morning was Dr. Roni. Artie said that Dr. Roni was looking really good this morning. Howard said he thinks she looks a little bit like Etta May in ''Ghost.'' He said she was a scam artist in the movie at first until she turned out to be real.
Robin said she tried the sauna thing yesterday and she can't believe Artie stuck with it as long as he did because it was so intense. Howard said he got some letters from some doctors who wrote in about Artie getting into that thing. One doctor said that could have killed him. He was showing signs of heat stroke after he came out of it. Artie said he could have stayed in there even longer though. He loved it.
Howard said he spoke to some people about the sauna thing and they were saying that dehydrating rapidly like Artie did is just not a good thing. Howard wanted to know where Dr. Roni was so he could talk to her about all of that nonsense. Artie said he just knows he felt wonderful yesterday after that. He had a lightheadedness about him that was wonderful. Howard said he looked like he was going to pass out though.
Howard asked Robin what she did after the show yesterday. She said they went shopping for food and supplements and things like that. Dr. Roni came in so Howard said hello to her and asked her about the sauna thing. He asked what kind of toxins she was trying to get out of him. She said that she's not sure exactly what was coming out of Artie but there are some people who have metals that come out of them and you can see it on the towel when you wipe them. She said that it goes on and on and on and it's a good thing to sweat. Howard asked her about the doctor who wrote in and brought up the dehydrating thing. She said that if you run for a half hour you sweat and can overdo it so this is no different. She said that you do have to be careful with that kind of thing but Artie did good. She said he was eating plenty and had some salt.
Artie said he felt fine yesterday after all of that. He said he tried to eat healthy and then explained how he had a turkey sandwich and 3 cannolis from a bakery he likes in Hoboken. He said he had to double park just to get in there so he risked getting a ticket by doing that. He said he went into the bakery and sniffed around for a while. Robin said that food is like Artie's hobby. He said that's right and he goes from city to city around this great country looking for food. He said the New York/New Jersey area is the best for food though.
Howard said his friend Pat asked him about the ''toxins'' thing that they were talking about yesterday and he wondered what kind of toxins he had coming out of him. Dr. Roni said that Robin was sweating and had all kinds of stuff coming out of her. Robin said she was really sweating a lot. She was able to shower after her sweat unlike Artie.
Robin said she went home after going shopping and showed Dr. Roni her room. Roni then made dinner for Robin and then they did the sauna thing. Artie asked ''So you didn't have sex?'' and when Robin said they didn't, he said that it's just like they're married. He asked her if she caught Roni telling her accomplices where all of the good stuff was hidden so they can rob her. Robin said she'll be thinking about that all today.
Howard was doing an impression of Dr. Roni's accomplice talking to Roni about what to tell Robin today to convince her that they're doing something legitimate. He was making it seem like it was all just a scam to rob the rich people they were treating. They had Robin to rip off and Judith Regan from Regan Books since Robin mentioned that she was part of this whole detoxing thing.
Artie said that you never let a person into your house unless they have some crazy kind of detoxing machine. Howard was still doing his phone voice talking about how he was fooling Judith Regan about the toxins. He said he was going to take her plasma TV out of her house because it was toxic. Artie joked that there was mercury in Rolex watches so they had to get those out as well. Howard said that he sees that Robin really needs this help because she's got so many problems.
Howard asked Dr. Roni if she ordered Robin to bed last night. She said it was time for Robin to go to bed after everything they did. Dr. Roni said she gave Robin her prepared drinks this morning so she's all set there. She also said that they have the colonic scheduled for tomorrow. Howard asked Robin about her claims of falling down because of this affliction she has. Robin didn't get into that though. Howard asked Robin if she locked her bedroom door last night. Robin said he didn't but Howard told her that he'd have to because he doesn't know her from a hole in the wall.
Howard asked Robin if she feels weird about having this woman treating her the way she was. Robin said she just felt good. Howard asked Dr. Roni if she has any kind of bell or something for Robin to contact her on. Artie asked if she has some ''loony line'' she can call her on. Dr. Roni tried to answer but she was laughing and Howard was talking over her. The guys said that maybe if Robin just walked up to the 36th floor every day she wouldn't need to go through all of this stuff. Artie said they could make sure that they had one of those berry drinks at each floor for her.
Howard took a call from Wolf who asked Robin why she didn't go back on the Master Cleanser diet. Robin said that she's always drinking the Master Cleanser drink but she needs something more compatible with life. Artie said it sounds like she just likes to have someone around to yell at. Robin said she's not yelling at anyone. Howard asked Roni how she went out and went shopping while they had to give Robin her drinks every two hours. She said that she sent out her partner to get that stuff while she and Robin made sure they stuck to that 2 hour window.
Howard was laughing at Robin and all of this stuff she's doing. He asked Roni if Robin ever asked for solid foods. She said she hasn't yet but later in the week she may want to skip a drink. She said she won't let her do that though.
Howard asked Roni how she's set up in Robin's house. She said she's got a lovely room and she spends a lot of time on the internet in there. Ralph called in a short time later and asked how much money this Dr. Roni charges. Howard said they already talked to her about that yesterday. She said it can run up to about $10,000 or so. Ralph wondered why she'd hire a woman like that when he knows a lot about healthy eating and stuff.
Howard said he got pissed with Ralph yesterday. He said he was out at a graduation yesterday and a few people called him to bother him. He said he wasn't able to call Ralph back but he missed a call about him going out to the North Shore Animal League to see Sam Simon get honored. He started to think about how Ralph has no job and can go out to all of this stuff without worrying about it. Robin said Ralph would be great doing one of these jobs because he loves moving into people's houses and stuff like that. He'd just have to make some drinks like she does and he'd be all set.
Ronnie told Howard that he lost one of his drivers and the other one is on vacation. He said he has to drive tonight. Howard asked him not to drive so crazy. He said that he's really aggravated right now with the car. He said Ronnie sent out the car to get the heat and air conditioning fixed. He got in the car over the weekend and turned on the air conditioning. It was nice and cold so he turned it down a little bit and it turned to full on heat. He said that it's one or the other at this point. He said that he just wants the ability to regulate the temperature. Ronnie apparently said that he didn't know what to do about it.
Howard said that he told Ronnie to tell the guy that they want their money back because this thing doesn't work right. Robin asked if the guy laughs when he sees him coming. Howard said he doesn't have the ability to control the heat at this point. Ronnie said that his car guy is telling him that they can replace the whole system but they can't do it in just a couple of days. Howard told him to get it done. Ronnie said he's trying to straighten the whole thing out and he knows he got ripped off.
Ronnie said that the air in the front is factory, the stuff in the back is what's added by the limo company. That's the problem though so Howard talked about how annoying it is. Ralph told him that he could rent a limo or something. Ronnie said that no one rents limos anymore. Howard suggested a Town Car but Ronnie wasn't sure about that either. Howard complained about the heat and air and how they have nothing in between. He said it's either cold or hot and there's nothing in between. Then the fan makes all kinds of noise when it's on so he complained about that as well.
Ralph asked Ronnie what Howard is supposed to do right now if he wants it fixed. Ronnie said they need to give up the car for a couple of weeks to get it fixed. Robin said that the limo company should come up with a solution for a replacement car since they've given him such a problem so far. Ronnie went off on Ralph asking him why he was bothering him because he can handle this himself. Ralph said he was just giving suggestions. Ronnie told him he'd give him the limo guy's phone number and let him handle it then. Artie said he liked the way that the two departments were working together. Howard said that's called Synergy. Artie said it was like the Wardrobe and Transportation departments were really working together.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he could sweat out the toxins from marijuana using that sauna thing. Dr. Roni said that wouldn't work. Artie said that he may have to give it a try and see what kind of toxins he can get out of his body. Howard said that might be what he needs instead of leaving the show in January. Artie asked Dr. Roni if she had anything for his liver. She told him they do and he'd have to give up processed foods. She said that he'd have to stick to natural foods. Artie wondered where you get that stuff. She told him to start with fruits and vegetables.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Dr. Roni could give him that infrared blanket to use in his limo when the air is blowing so cold. Howard said that's a good idea actually. Howard said he thought Artie was going to die in that thing yesterday. Artie said he liked the mat she put on him because it made him look like a piece of furniture.
Howard was very excited that tomorrow is Robin's colon cleansing. He talked to Dr. Roni about that and asked her about how far up Robin's asshole the tube goes. Roni was laughing and wasn't able to get out an answer about that stuff. Artie asked Roni if she has trouble getting up some mornings, like the mornings she has to clean out her client's ass. She said she's been a nurse for a long time so that kind of stuff doesn't bother her. She said she started out as a nurse's aide and worked her way up from there so she's seen everything. Artie said some nurses like that are doing God's work because they're able to put up with so many things like that.
Dr. Roni said that they put in about 3 inches of tube into the rectum and then they start to flush out the system. Howard said that then they get to see stuff like Crayons and boat anchors coming out of her ass. He asked if they're going to see George Lucas' wrist watch or maybe Martina Navratilova's tennis racquet come out of there. He asked what kind of stuff she'd like to see come out. He didn't give her the chance to answer though, he was goofing around doing his accomplice impression again.
Robin said that Howard mentioned Martina and she was watching her on the French Open last night showing off her art that's made of tennis balls. She said that they use tennis balls to create the art and it's incredible. She said they put paint on the balls and then hit them into the art work to create the art. Howard had some fun with that and then went to break.
In the clips Sal claimed that he could follow Robin around with a megaphone telling her to not eat and it would be the same as this chick doing what she's doing for her. Howard said that Sal seems to be angry at her for doing what she's doing. Artie was the same way on that show saying that he thought it was just a celebrity thing to do. Artie said that she has to admit that it's just a weird thing to do. Robin laughed and said she will not admit that.
Howard read some mail about Robin's diet and people are angry at her for trying it. He said that one person wrote that they hope Dr. Roni puts poison in her drink. He said that Robin just needs to lift weights and walk up hill. Someone else said that she was going through a mid-life crisis with no kids and no boyfriend. There was another person who agreed with Sal's opinion about her just not eating so much and working out. Robin said she appreciates the thoughts. One person said they're surprised at how high Robin's crazy meter goes. There was another one who said that the body self cleanses and they don't need to do all of this stuff that Dr. Roni has her doing.
Lisa asked Robin if she's going to have a coffee enema. Robin said that is part of the program so yes, she will. She added that Judith Regan told her that it gave her great clarity after she had it done. Howard wondered why that was. Robin said she apparently does it before every show she does. Howard said maybe she needed to do that before she signed OJ to write the book that got her fired.
Lisa said she spoke to Mr. Skin yesterday because his site was mentioned in the movie ''Knocked Up'' and that has led to a lot more traffic for the site. That led to the guys talking about the web site and how it was used in the movie. Howard said that maybe Mr. Skin had a coffee enema and had some clarity when he came up with the idea for the movie. Howard said he saw ''Knocked Up'' and it was very funny. Lisa said that Seth Rogan reminded her of Artie.
Lisa said that Jason and Will have a new Page 69 story about a couple of people who were fighting on the Howard TV staff. Doug Goodstein stopped the fight from being taped for some reason. Gary said that the fight was great because it was between Isaac Mark and Gregg Karmel. Doug came in and said that it had nothing to do with the show though so that's why they didn't tape it. They're not on-air personalities either. Howard told Doug that he shouldn't stop them from taping it. Doug said that they didn't know they were being recorded either. Gary said that's not true. Steve Langford came in and said that he was walking by when he saw the fight going on. Steve said that he doesn't take orders from Doug so he kept recording but Doug told the guys to be quiet so they wouldn't be recorded.
Gary asked Doug if it was true that he asked Will to take down a note from the computer screen when he let Howard know it was going on. Howard asked Steve what he thought about it. Steve said it was bullshit and this was like censorship. Doug said he gets it but he doesn't think that anyone would care. Steve said that Doug tried to censor it and that's what he did. Doug said that Steve was being sneaky about it. Steve said that's bullshit and he wasn't being sneaky.
Ralph called in and asked why Doug is deciding what should go on the air. Doug said that they didn't know that they were being recorded. Steve said that's not the case. Ralph said that when you're at the studio, they record everything so they should know that they're being recorded.
Gregg came in and told Howard that he should have been getting Artie on tape in the studio and Isaac gave him an attitude and he didn't like his tone so that led to their fight. Gary said that it was a great fight because they were doing a lot of ''dude'' throwing around. Gregg said he feels bad because he put Doug in an awkward position with the whole thing.
Howard told Doug that he should apologize to Steve for calling him names. Doug asked Gregg if he knew he was being recorded. Gregg said he didn't see the microphone. Steve said he wasn't hiding the microphone, he wasn't being secretive. Doug insisted that Steve was being secretive so they went back and forth on that for a short time. Howard told Doug to apologize to Steve but he wouldn't do it. Doug said he finds Steve to be kind of weird. He said he likes the guy but he is kind of weird. Howard wrapped up with those guys and moved on to the next guest.
Howard asked Donald how he met Elvis. Donald went on to tell the story about how he met him at this coffee shop where Elvis would come in to eat. He said that they kind of clicked when he told Elvis he was from Tennessee. He said that one night Elvis offered to drive him home from the coffee shop he was working at. He said that they listened to some music and had a couple of drinks. They listened to music like ''Victory at Sea'' which led to Robin saying that this can't be true. Howard played the music he was talking about and asked Donald if Elvis blew him. He said there really wasn't much that they didn't do. He said they did ''the whole smear...''
Donald said that Elvis asked him to come over and lay down on some pillows with him. He did that and then they started to cuddle and did their thing. Howard asked him why he didn't go public when Elvis was alive. Donald said he never considered writing a book until he read another book where a woman came out and talked about her experiences. He said that he didn't do Elvis in the ass but he did lick it... or tossed his salad.
Donald talked about Steve McQueen and how he was a big bore. He said that they met at Alice's restaurant out in Malibu. He said that Steve was getting drunk and ended up getting closer and closer to him until they kissed. That was back in 1972 or so. He claims that he did a 69 with Steve. Robin wondered if he was with Ali McGraw at the time. He said he thinks that they were just breaking up around that time.
Howard asked Donald about being with Charles Manson and found out that he had a big, hairy bush. Donald said that he was smitten with Charles when he saw him for the first time. He said that Manson patted the bench so he could come and sit down next to him. Howard read some notes about this book and read something about Manson giving him a 'dark chocolate bar.'' Donald explained that Manson liked to watch him perform and then took a piece of his feces and dipped it in chocolate and coconut pieces and then ate it. Howard read the notes and found out that Donald had eaten Manson's crap as well. Donald said that he was embarrassing him with that.
Howard said Donald claims that James Dean at his crap as well and the Duke of Windsor gave him a blow job. These were some crazy accusations. Donald told another story about an experience he had with Anthony Perkins. He said that they didn't say a word to each other when they did it. Howard read that Donald's father used to watch him jerking off. Donald said that it was his step-father and he had a strange relationship with him for about 13 years. He said that all started when he was about 10.
Howard said that Donald likes to eat feces. Donald said that he tried it, he doesn't really like it. Howard read that Donald banged Orson Wells in the ass when he was 15 years old. Donald said he got a $100 bill after that. Howard read more notes about that and found out that there was shit on the seat after he did Orson in the ass.
Howard gave Donald a plug for his book ''One Gay Man'' which is available at OneGayMan.com. Gary came in a short time later and told a story about a guy he had never heard of, but the story was so good that he read the excerpt to Howard. He said it was this guy John Payne who he took in his mouth when he was laying in a hospital bed unconscious. He said that he was the only person he ever pursued. The others were pure serendipity. He said he heard that Payne had been hurt in a car crash so he went to the hospital and did what he did. Howard asked Artie what he'd do if he woke up to something like that. Artie said that they'd soon change places in the hospital.
Howard took some phone calls and one guy said that he has to be making this shit up. He said that Elvis was a man among men and there's no way he was banging this fruit. Another caller said he was a lying son of a bitch and those men he was talking about were manly men. Another caller said this was the most disgusting thing he's ever heard. He had the guys in the back on the phone with Wood Yi audio clips asking him some gay questions. Howard took some other calls and some guys were calling him names and goofing on him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his mother dated Elvis and he knows some details about his penis. The caller said that his penis was crooked and this guy doesn't know that so he's got to be a phony. Robin asked Donald if he had heard from any of the families. Howard asked him if he'd take a lie detector test. Donald said he wouldn't do that because he doesn't think he has to. Artie did his impression of Ed Torian the lie detector test guy and asked him a few sample questions. Donald didn't know what he was doing so he was just answering the questions.
Donald said that he knows a guy who did the father of a famous NASCAR driver and it would blow NASCAR fans away if they knew who he was talking about. Howard started to wrap up with Donald and gave him a couple more plugs for his stuff. Artie asked him what he did for a living. He said he was in the hotel/casino/restaurant industry and also worked for FedEx. Howard went to break right after that.
Howard played a new voice mail from Crazy Alice who said she thinks that Howard should stay out of people's personal lives. She said that Robin should do the same and then started yelling at her. She told Artie to leave the show if he really wants to. She said that he could end up like her though. She said that he should be happy he is the way he is, a nice looking motherfucker.
Howard played Mike Morse's song about Artie called ''Say Goodbye to Artie Lange.'' He also played some new stuff that Dan the Song Parody Man has been working on. He played his ''D'yer M'aker'' parody where he threw in the clips of the ''Oprah Winfrey, Negro woman from the South'' clips.
Kathy asked Artie what's going on with him and his claims that he might be leaving the show. They spent a short time on that but Howard changed the subject and asked Kathy if she's going to be Rosie O'Donnell's replacement. Kathy said that she is doing the show again this week but she hasn't been approached to replace Rosie. She said that she is terrified of Barbara Walters and that she might say something wrong.
Kathy said that she went out to dinner with Rosie and Cyndi Lauper one night and it was a great evening. She quickly mentioned that but then they brought up her husband and asked her about where that's at now. Kathy said that whole thing is over and she questions the whole relationship because he stole money from her. She said that she wishes him luck but she will never get married again. She said she's dating now and she loves it. She said that she will fuck a guy on the first date too. She said that she doesn't get it when women claim they have headaches and crap like that. She likes to make it happen quick and not play the game.
Kathy claims that her husband may have gotten about $72,000 of her money. She said that people think it's not that much money but she said it really is a lot. She said Larry King even said to her ''What's that to you?'' when she told him how much she'd lost.
Kathy said that she was asked to do this Larry King tribute show and it turned out to be really lame. She said there was hardly anyone there and she tried to do it but it was very rough. She said that all of the good stuff went on during the commercial breaks. She said that Larry kept saying he had to get home because his wife had a migraine and they had the lamest things going on during the show. Kathy said they had people calling in and singing live on the phone. It was very strange.
Kathy told Howard she didn't see the Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth Hasslebeck blow up. She was on a plane on her way to do the show and she had dinner with her the next night and Rosie said she knew she wasn't going back to the show that night. She said she talks about all of that stuff on her blog. Howard said that he's surprised that reporters don't go on her blog to find out more of that stuff.
Kathy told Howard that she doesn't drink at all so Howard told her that he used to be stupid like that but now he has a drink almost every night. He asked her what she learned at this dinner she had with Rosie and Cyndi Lauper. She said that Rosie was wondering what she should do about the show. She said that she really doesn't hang out with many celebrities like that, just Rosie and Joan Rivers. She said that she gets to see Rosie with her girlfriend Kelly. Howard said he'd be his life on it that they bring other girls into the bed. Robin said she doesn't think that's the case. Kathy said they have an Au Pair there so Howard figured she's probably in the bed with them. Kathy said that the girl is kind of butch with super short hair.
Howard said he finds it hard to believe that Rosie would have her to her show. She said that's kind of mean but Howard said that she tells all so that's why he's surprised. That led to him telling Kathy about his dinner with Barbara Walters. She didn't believe it at first so Howard filled her in on the details and she said she was shocked that they liked each other. Howard said he was pretty sure that she was really into him and would have fucked him if he wanted to. Howard said he'd have to do her from behind, in the dark, if he was going to do her.
Kathy said she asked Barbara if she could come to one of her dinner parties. She said that Barbara told her she doesn't have parties anymore so she wasn't going to be invited to any. Kathy said she was told that she just had one of those parties in the past 6 months.
Kathy told Howard about getting invited to Drew Barrymore's house for a party. She thought she was being Punk'd or something so she asked her assistants to check into it. She found out it was legitimate and it was a friend of Drew's who invited her. She said it turned out to be a theme party where everyone had to dress up in a toga. She said that she just wanted to see famous people so she went and got dressed up in the toga over her regular clothes. She said she brought Lance Bass with her to the party and he had no problem getting dressed in a toga. She said that the DJ there was Lindsay Lohan. Howard said that's weird but she's hot. Kathy said that she appeared to be coked up because she was kind of out of it. She said that these DJs have these iPods that they use now instead of turntables. She said that she was watching Lindsay and the scratching didn't seem to match up so maybe they just told her she was the DJ and had someone else doing it.
Kathy said that there were some people like Amy Polar, Molly Shannon and Heather Graham there at the party. She figured that Heather was Howard's type but he said that she's not that hot. He said she's too old for him. Kathy told Howard that she dated this guy Andrew W. K. who wrote this song ''Party Hard'' and it was very much like a fish out of water type thing for her. She said that he wasn't famous enough for her though. She said she liked it better when she dated Ron Jeremy because they had their pictures taken everywhere.
Howard said Kathy calls the paparazzi to follow her around and the other night she fell out of her car when they were following her around. She said she loved that because her pictures were all over the place. She said she actually set it up and did the stupid stumble and pretended to be drunk even though she doesn't drink. The guys showed the pictures on the monitors in the studio. They seemed to find them pretty amusing.
Gary came in and said that Kathy had to get going but asked her if she's still doing those product placement deals. She said she's not doing them and she's upset about it. Everyone else it out there doing them. Howard gave Kathy some plugs for her stand-up special, her TV show and some upcoming comedy shows. You can find out more about that stuff at KathyGriffin.net. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard had Perry Farrell sitting in the studio and asked him if he's clean now. Perry gave him a very enthusiastic ''No!'' Howard asked him if he's on Subutex like Artie is. Perry said no to that as well. Howard asked him if it's true that he claims he looks so young because of the drugs he's taken. Perry said that might be true because the maturity level stays low if you take drugs. He said that cocaine is one of his favorites and sex is great on that stuff.
Howard also talked to Perry's wife who was in the studio. He told her that she's beautiful and asked if Perry can meet her needs. She said that he does. She said that she doesn't bring other women into the bed or anything like that. Perry said he'll dress up as a woman and pretend like that's another woman in bed. He also said that he'd have no problem bringing another man or woman into bed with them.
Howard asked Perry what he's going to tell his children when they come to him and ask about drug use. He said he'll tell them to check them out but not be a fool about it. He said he'd like them to keep it together, that's all that matters to him. Howard said Perry is a weird dude. Sometimes he thinks he's pretty normal but then he brought in a bag of tiffilin.
Howard asked Perry how he deals with the drug thing when he has to go out and work. Perry said you have to just tell yourself that you have to go to work and just don't do it. Howard said that Perry and his band all sounded great when they were rehearsing. He said that they have this one girl in the band who looks really hot. He talked to her about how hot she is and found out she only plays in Perry's band. Howard wanted to hear her play something to prove she knew how to play. She said she didn't take any schooling for that. She was wearing a belly shirt so Howard told her how hot that was. He said that not enough women wear that kind of thing these days.
Howard asked what happened with Dave Navarro leaving Jane's Addiction. Perry said he thinks that Dave is trying to be a DJ or something just like Howard. Howard said it's kind of weird that he went off to do that Rock Star Supernova show. They spent a minute on that and then asked Perry to perform ''Been Caught Stealing.''
Howard asked Perry if he would ever appear on American Idol. Perry said that show reduces the art of music to a contest and he doesn't get that. He said that they're talking about self expression, not some kind of contest. He said he wouldn't go on there to expose his music to the people that watch the show, he'd rather just expose his genitals to his wife.
Perry said that they just started their tour with the band Satellite Party. Howard talked to him about that for a second and then got back to Perry's wife and asked how they met. She said that they met when she was dancing during his shows. Howard went through that story a little bit and then got back to Perry and his band. He gave them a plug for their new album ''Ultra Payloaded'' and then had them perform ''Been Caught Stealing.''
After the song Howard said that's the way to do it. Perry said that was just for Robin and Howard since they hadn't seen them in so long. Howard said that he'd have to bang Perry's wife after that. Perry said that they might have to get together for dinner so he can see Howard's girl as well.
Howard talked to Perry about his band and their new album. Gary came in and said that they were going to play their new single before they left. Howard said he wanted to do that and he would get to it. Perry asked Howard if he would invite him to his wedding. Howard said he's not sure if he's even going to have a wedding. He said he's pretty sure that Perry didn't have a big wedding. Perry's wife said that they eloped and didn't have a big one either. Howard said that Perry could some to the party after they're married but he might have to be the band there.
Perry said that satellite radio is great and he actually has SIRIUS. His wife said they didn't have a choice when they bought their car. Howard said that's the way it should be and quickly said ''merger, merger...'' Howard thanked Perry for coming in and said he was going to play their new single from their new album ''Ultra Payloaded.'' The new single is ''Wish Upon a Dog Star'' so Howard asked him why he has dogs in so many of his songs. Perry said he just likes feeling like a dog. Howard said it's tough to have a conversation with Perry because you never know what he's talking about.
Howard asked Perry who dresses him because he's always dressed up. He said he spends hours in front of the mirror dressing himself. He said he doesn't need a stylist because he's better than any stylist could be. Howard asked his wife what the craziest thing Perry has ever done with her. He said that he had her dress up like Dave Navarro once. Howard asked Perry if he's ever brought another man into the bed. They said that they never do that stuff and they're really boring like that.
Howard asked Perry about a sex tape that almost came out one time. Perry told Howard that he didn't tape it himself. He had a person who had put a hit out on him to get his life insurance. He said that he had hired a Private Investigator to keep an eye on him and that guy took the video. He said he was watching the Channel 2 News one night right after the final episode of ''Seinfeld'' and saw himself on the news. He said he got a call about 10 minutes before and then hired a lawyer so the guy would be forced to return the tape. He said he took those tapes and burned them in his back yard.
Howard told Perry that he's one of his favorite people and then said he was going to play this song ''Wish Upon a Dog Star.'' Perry told Howard about the people who are in the band after one of his band mates asked him to do that. Perry went on to explain to Howard that the dog star thing is related to the Sirius constellation so it did have a connection to Sirius satellite radio in a way. Howard told him that he's way out there with that stuff and wrapped up with him. He then played the ''Wish Upon a Dog Star'' song as they went to break.
Howard asked Robin about the drinks that Dr. Roni was bringing into her. She said that she was enjoying the drinks and there was plenty of the stuff to drink. She said that she's been peeing quite a bit from drinking so much. She said that she apparently doesn't drink enough usually. Robin said that she wasn't peeing all night last night because you stop drinking this stuff around 6 o'clock at night.
Robin said that she's not hungry but she does get the urge to chew on something. Robin said that she really doesn't like food in general. She said that food makes her feel bad in general unless it's fine food that she doesn't eat all that often. Artie said he loves eating and only feels bad when he over eats. He said that he's basically given up at this point.
Howard and Artie talked about how cool Perry and his band were. Howard said that he thinks the keyboard player wanted him because she was dancing for him during the break. Artie said that she didn't even play the piano during the song and just danced the whole time. Artie said he was watching her and Perry's wife through the whole live performance. Artie said that he wishes he had the balls to go up and talk to chicks like that but he just isn't that good with women. He said he should be able to do it with the job he has.
Howard said that he's always had a bad rap himself and he used to ask Gary to go and get numbers for him. He told Artie that she was really giving him a cool vibe. She walked over and started talking to him so he told her that's his favorite shirt ever. He said she started to pretend to play the keyboard so he started to dance around and play the keyboard too. He said she was playing the imaginary keyboard and he started playing it as well. He told Artie that he should have come over to play as well.
Artie said he loves the sound effect of George Takei saying ''YEAH!'' that they played during that bit. Howard said he had one more thing to play before they got to the news. He said it was a clip from the German edition of ''American Idol'' and it was a couple of heavy metal guys singing in that really low, evil-sounding voice that the death metal guys do. Howard said it was pretty funny and they were singing an actual song from the band Cannibal Corpse called ''I Will Kill You.'' He played another one where an Austrian kid sings a similar song. That kid sounds almost like the real song.
Richard Christy came in and said that he listens to that kind of music and enjoys it. He said he was listening to some of it on his way into work this morning. He told Howard that the one guy he had just played looked like he was taking a shit when he was performing. Howard played another clip from American Idol where a guy was singing a song from Silverstein. Howard said the real singer can actually kind of sing but the guy from American Idol can't. Howard played the real song and then the performance from ''American Idol'' where all of the judges gave him a ''no.'' Howard liked the Silverstein song and wondered why it never became a hit. Then the death metal singing came on. He said he could deal with a little bit of that.
Howard said that Crazy Alice is a good death metal singer and played a song where they took her audio clips where she was cursing Artie out one time and put them to some metal song. Richard said that was a band called Napalm Death. Howard also played some of the new ''I'm a Gay Papa'' cover that he played earlier. It was one that was a Nine Inch Nails-type of performance.
Steve said that she was 50 years old and found dead in her hotel room two weeks ago down in New Orleans. It was ruled as natural causes but that's all they got. Steve said that her brother hasn't even heard about the exact cause of death. Howard said that she was a whole rehab chick and wondered if it was drugs. Steve said she had her problems over the years but they're not sure what exactly took her life.
Howard said that he had to mention his buddy Wayne Segal because he's always helping him out with his car. He gave him a plug for his Legend Porsche, Audi, Saab dealer out on Long Island.
Howard couldn't remember the doctor's name so he asked Steve to come in and tell them what that was. Her name was Dr. Leslie Armstrong. Steve said they're not so sure about the ''Doctor'' part of her name though.
Artie said he thinks he's falling for Dr. Roni who is helping Robin out with her diet. He said he likes that she can make a living ripping off celebrities the way she does. He was just joking around of course.
Steve said they'll also have some coverage of Robin's diet if she'll allow it. Robin said she won't take Howard 100 News home with her like she's doing with Dr. Roni. Steve also said that they have a story about a web site called RobinsWrongIsWrong.com is backing off going up against RobinsWrong.com ever since Robin made her comments about Artie calling Howard a jerk. Steve said they'll be talking to Bill Keller about some of the stuff he's been doing lately that's getting him into some trouble.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. They had a new theme song for him when he came in. The song was to the tune of The Ramones' ''I Wanna Be Sedated'' and it was called ''He Never Masturbated.'' Howard asked Jon if he can count on his hand how many times he's done that. Jon said it's more than that but not recently. He said his wife is always ready to go when he needs to do that so he doesn't need to. Jon gave his Wrap Up Show topics for today and included Kathy Griffin, Perry Farrell and some of the other things they did on the show today. He mentioned Donald Taylor's claims of eating celebrity shit during that show preview so the guys talked about that a little bit.
Howard mentioned that he got a couple of transsexual videos in the mail. He showed the pictures to Artie and Artie said that they looked like dudes and he couldn't see past their cocks. Howard threw the pictures out after that. He said they're still looking for hot Tranny's to enter their contest though. He said there's a $5,000 grand prize for that contest.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Perry Farrell was great. Howard said that he's interviewed Perry a couple of times and he'd love for him to really tell them what's going on in his life. He's pretty sure that it would be fascinating. The caller also asked if he could come to the Chris Cornell performance but Howard said that it was just the one guy he's going to let in there. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
During Robin's news Howard took a call from a guy who told him how great the Perry Farrell interview was. He said he was kind or worried about the interview after that Hanson interview he did recently. Howard said he thought that interview was good though. That eventually led to Artie talking about some other great interviews that have gone on during other Howard 101 shows. He said that he heard Denny McClain on Scott Ferrall's show and it was a very interesting show. While he was telling Howard the details of that interview he mentioned that his kid had died so Howard said that's got to be the worst.
Artie talked about how Tony Soprano seems the most human when he's talking about his kids on that show. That led to the guys talking about what they'd like to see happen on The Sopranos in the series finale next week. Howard wanted to see Tony get revenge and come out on top instead of seeing him get killed off. Robin said she'd like to see him in jail. Howard said that he should show what he can do and get revenge and Fred agreed with him on that. He asked Benjy what he'd like to see. Benjy told Howard it was a mistake to ask him and didn't give him an answer.
Artie had a little Sopranos game to play with Howard. He said that he gave them a tid bit during Little Steven's interview. He said he can pick out the reason they name the Sopranos episodes the way they do. The most recent show was titled ''Blue Comet'' and asked Howard if he could figure out why they named it that. Howard thought it had something to do with the cleaning product comet but it was actually the train that Steve Shirippa's character was buying when he was whacked. That led to Artie doing a scene from The Sopranos the way he does The Godfather scenes by memory.
Howard said that the final episode of The Sopranos is called 'Made in America'' so Robin figured that means that someone is going to be a ''made man'' in the show so she wondered who that could be. Artie ended up doing another scene from The Sopranos that he had memorized. He stumbled for a few seconds and then came up with most of it except for a few key words. Howard had the audio clip from the scene that Artie was trying to do just minutes later. They went through that and Howard said he'd like to have that guy Phil Leotardo on the show but he'd really want the character, not the actor.
Howard said that it's obvious that Fred has a lot to say and doesn't stop. He said it was good that they checked in with him today. He said they'll talk to him again in 2008. Fred said that since that might happen, he wanted to say goodbye to Artie now just in case he does leave the show by then. He also said he's looking forward to seeing a skinny Robin.
The guys continued to talk about The Sopranos and what they think might happen and what they'd like to see happen. Howard repeated something that Fred had said not realizing that he zoned out while Fred was talking. He said he'll have to listen to the replay to hear what Fred actually said. He said sometimes he listens to the show and realizes how funny he is with his sound effects. Robin said that Fred does an amazing impression of Richard Christy. Howard said he is aware of that.
Robin read through some more news stories and told Howard about how Lindsay Lohan's mother is looking for a job on The View or something like that. That got Howard all fired up and complaining about people like her and Britney Spears and other celebrities who have jerked him around. He said Britney Spears had her people ask him to come over to say hi to her but he said it would be a sign of respect if they walked over to him if they wanted to meet him. He said that Rod Stewart did that to him one time and it pissed him off. He said he would walk over to talk to someone like Don Rickles or even Mick Jagger, but not Keith Richards. Howard played a clip of Dina Lohan interviewing her own daughter on the red carpet at a movie premiere. Howard said she appears very desperate for a job.
Howard took some phone calls from some people who had some predictions for The Sopranos and what might happen in the final episode. They had some wacky ideas that not too many of the guys were accepting as possibilities. They wrapped up the show a short time later. Artie got in a plug for an autograph signing he's doing at an FYE store on 6th Ave and 52nd in New York city this Thursday at Noon. Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Howard started off the show talking about how free they are to say anything there uncensored. He threw in an early ''motherfucker'' to give an example. Howard went on to talk about how Artie got that hot chick from Perry Farrell's band to give him her number. The guys talked about how she was on Rock Star Supernova. Howard didn't remember her but Richie Wilson gave him a tape to remind him.
Artie talked about how he hijacked the Wrap Up Show to try and get a date with her. He said he saw her after the show when she was looking for her cell phone and that led to a discussion on the Wrap Up Show where they worked with him to praise him in front of this chick Jen to make him look impressive.
Howard had some audio clips from the Wrap Up Show where they talked about how they were going to work things. They had Jen the keyboardist come on the show so they could work their magic. They talked to her and kept throwing in mentions of what Artie does for a living and how he's doing Letterman on Wednesday night. He talked about how he had been doing lots of network TV shows and things like that. They threw in that he sold out Carnegie Hall. Benjy brought up that he's a multi-millionaire and tried to help out by saying that he's set for life.
Artie said that Benjy was particularly good helping out on the show. He said he pulled a Don Rickles on Benjy when he told him to stop bringing that up even though he was happy he did. Jen was talking to the guys about how they don't do what they do for the money, they do it because they love it. Artie agreed but the other guys kept throwing out more of the stuff that Artie does to make him look impressive. They were piling on the bullshit.
Jen told the guys that she was from Vancouver so Artie told her he shot ''Elf'' up there and loves that area. She said that she's looking for a place to live now because she gave up her apartment there. She's kind of single but has some guys around that she likes. Artie asked her to come to Letterman with him but she had to fly out last night. Artie then said that he'd like to take her out to eat sometime and she agreed to go.
Howard told Artie that he's jealous of that because that chick was hot. They talked about how well that worked out for him yesterday. It was like 5 guys working on one chick. Artie said they're nothing but a bunch of dogs. He said she was sexy as hell. Howard said he really doesn't remember anything about Rock Star Supernova or that chick.
Artie said that he called and left a message for Jen and said he'd like to get together. She's out of the country for 4 weeks though so he won't get to see her until July. He didn't go over to see her at Letterman yesterday. He said he's going to call her back when she gets back into the country. He thinks that she was really interested too. Benjy said that the stuff they were throwing out at her was all true so they weren't lying to her.
Howard said that Jen can sing, he saw her in the clip that Richie Wilson sent around. Artie said that Perry Farrell came by the Wrap Up Show while Jen was on and he thought he was really cool for a big rock-star type. He said he's not arrogant at all like Scott Weiland is. He said he met Scott a couple of times and he was so arrogant he wanted to punch him in the face.
Howard told Artie that he can't get this kind of stuff if he's alone wandering around Europe. Artie said she bought the whole thing hook, line and sinker. She can't hear the show because she's over in England now so they won't spoil it for him.
Howard congratulated Artie on his conquest and almost called him ''bro'' again. He took that back as soon as it came out. That led to Artie and Robin arguing again about the stuff that Robin started that morning that she told Howard that he'd called him a jerk. Robin then went off on Artie for getting upset with her for bringing something out that he needed to get off his chest anyway. Howard said he was getting a headache from the two of them.
Artie said he's got a really stressful day today. He's got to do a pre-interview for Letterman today at noon. He said that's the worst part of the whole thing. He said he has to do it but it's so awful. The guy he does it with is really nice but he hates doing it. He said he can't blow it off like Howard does. Howard said he doesn't have to prove anything over there anymore so he just goes on and lets Dave interview him. He had to do what Artie is doing when he started out on there though. Artie said he's done the show twice now and he was good both times. He's hoping that he can pull it off again. He said he has stuff planned for the show and he's going to do some A-Rod material for Dave since he knows he's a fan.
Howard said that Howard TV is going to be following Robin around all day for her treatment. Robin said they're even coming back to her house. Howard said it has to be awkward to have Dr. Roni staying with her at her house. Robin said it wasn't that strange. She said things are working out just fine. Howard said he's been talking to Ronnie the Limo Driver about it and they were discussing how odd it is that she has someone staying with her.
Howard said they have a great show today. They have Cabbie coming in for a visit. They have the Hottest Regular Chick contest coming up as well. Artie said he has a chick coming in but she's 40 years old. Ronnie found a chick who is 50 but very hot. Ronnie said he saw this chick and asked her to come on. She started to get a little wobbly when she heard what they wanted her to do. Howard said they asked the guys on the show to go out and find the hottest chick they could and bring her back to the show. They have a $5,000 prize for the winner. They need a normal chick who isn't in show business.
Artie said they had to go out and find a chick who they didn't know. He said that he had one girl who was really hot but he already knew her. Artie said he had another strange experience when he went up to a chick in the lobby and asked her if she was interested in being in the contest. He said the girl turned out to be an intern on the show that had just started. Artie said he really needed that Wrap Up Show thing yesterday because he's been called a 1.5 by one of the other interns.
Ronnie said that he almost cock blocked Artie yesterday with that chick Jen when she came into the studio. He said Artie was going to get her number by calling her missing cell phone and Ronnie was going to just use his phone instead.
Howard said that Fred had trouble finding a hot chick when he went out to find one for this contest they have today. Fred said he got a lot of strange looks from the chicks he was asking to be part of the contest. Howard told Fred that's because he's kind of scary. Fred said he was ready to go off to Europe with Artie after Howard went off on him.
Artie said that he was offering the chicks to take the whole $5,000 to get them on the show. Fred was doing the same but Gary was making strange deals where he was only going to give the girl $1,000. Gary said that he had a reason for doing that. He said he found one girl who would have been perfect for it but she started to back out so he had the ability to bump the money up and up instead of just blowing his load right off the bat.
Howard asked Fred about not being able to find a chick. Fred said he was asking girls to do it and then he'd find out that they weren't over the age of 18. He said he was throwing out the show name and the money to the girls and he still wasn't able to find anyone. He said he thinks that all girls should have to wear signs that say that they're over or under 18. Howard said Fred isn't alone, JD wasn't able to find a girl either.
Fred said he was sent down to Columbus Circle to find a chick but there were none there. Howard said that some of the guys could go to Hooters to find girls. Fred said he thought that wasn't allowed. That's what Artie thought as well. He said he was under the impression that the girls couldn't use their looks to have made money. Jason came in and said that he told the guys that the girls couldn't have modeled, that's it. If they were just a waitress, that would be fine.
Howard said it's not easy to go up to women like that and find someone willing to be part of the contest. Artie said he found a 17 year old in Times Square and asked her to be part of it. He didn't know she was that young. Gary said that he wasn't telling the women what the name of the contest was either. He was telling them they were just looking for the hottest ''girl next door.''
All of this was shot for Howard TV so they had audio of JD going out to find chicks. He was asking girls if he could ''borrow them'' for a second. JD said he had two chicks lined up but they both backed out. He played a clip of JD asking a girl if she was interested in coming on the show to be part of the show. Howard listened to that and told him he was a loser. He told him that he doesn't know how to talk to people. He said that he should have told her about the money right up front. He was telling the girl that ''the worst thing'' she'd have to do was get into a bikini. That scares girls off. JD said that it's easy to sit there and tell him that now. Howard played some more clips of JD asking various hot chicks if they had been models or actresses. Quite a few of them were turning him down right away.
Howard played one clip where JD said he was going to do a walk around like a kidnapper might do. JD said he was just trying to be funny for the show. Howard played more of JD's stuff and we got to hear him asking to talk to the girls for a couple of seconds and the girls just walking off saying they didn't have time.
Howard moved on to Fred after that and played some of his attempts to find a girl for the contest. He wasn't having much luck, just like JD. Howard was goofing on him a little bit so Fred shot back at Howard telling him that he looks like a character from a Tim Burton movie. Howard said he's just trying to help Fred out and he's sabotaging him. He said that he didn't bring a girl in so obviously he was scaring them away. Artie said that he brought in a girl but it was the last one he tried so it wasn't so easy for him. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Lisa said they have a big day today. She said that Howard 100 News has found out about Howard's limo and they have spoken to the company that built it. They said that Ronnie screwed up and didn't bring the car back to them to fix the heat problem. The guy said that Ronnie brought it to some place out in Long Island. Ronnie said that's bullshit and they didn't fix it right when they were still in Brooklyn and they didn't fix it then. Lisa said that they claim that they didn't do the original fix and it was Ronnie's fault. Ronnie said that they had a lot of the stuff wrong. Ronnie said he sent the car out to them last week and they had it for 4 days and it's still not fixed. Ronnie was yelling at Lisa like it was her fault. He said he's tired of getting beat up on this shit. Lisa said that she was just telling them what this guy Mike told her. Ronnie said that their suggestion now is to re-do the whole air conditioning system and they're working on getting him another car to use while they do that.
Howard said he got a letter from a big fan of Lisa's who said he'd like to have a camera follow her ass around because she's got such a great one. Lisa said ''Well, thank you?'' to that. She got back to her news rundown and mentioned some of the other stories they have coming up. They have a story about a part Beth has in a new movie. Howard said Beth did that movie a long time ago.
Howard mentioned that Beth was compared to Christy Turlington in some poll for Us magazine where they compared them in the same dress and asked who wore it better. Beth lost 47 percent to 53 percent. That led to him talking about a picture that Us magazine printed of him. He said that they said he wasn't very tight even though he doesn't have a belly or anything. He said he didn't know he was being photographed at the time. He starves himself to look thin and that's the kind of comments he gets. He was standing next to Beth in the picture and they say that she's taught and he's not. He is 53 years old and he has man boobs but he can't help that. Artie told him to keep his shirt on, that way they won't be able to photograph him. Howard said he's not going to Miami anymore because they take pictures of him like he's a broad.
Lisa said that Howard 100 news will be following Robin for her colonic today. Robin said that they're going to follow her there but they won't see what comes out of her. She said that the stuff that comes out just goes in the sewer, it's not collected. Howard asked how that works and if they have to throw out the machine. Howard asked if they recycle that water that comes out of her. Artie said that he's seen water processing plants on TV and they just recycle the water and send it back into the water supply system. He said that there's no amount of processing that can clean it enough for him.
The guys spent a few minutes talking about the water treatment plants and how the sewer water gets to where they process it. Artie said he's seen these specials where they talk about it and he claimed that the shit ends up in the rivers around New York City. He said that it then gets sent to a treatment plant to get treated. Howard didn't understand so he was trying to find out exactly how the shit gets from the river into the treatment plant. Artie said that it's all about currents and stuff. He said that for a little while it's in a body of water and that's the scary thing. He said that by the time it gets to the river it's not raw sewage anymore. He said that it breaks down in the pipes on it's way out to the water. He said they add chemicals to the stuff as it's flowing out to the rivers. Howard told him he doesn't know what he's talking about and he can't be right.
Artie said that the chemicals are added in the pipes under Manhattan. He said that a guy told him that stuff but that guy also told him that there's a flaw in the roulette wheel. Isaac Mark from Howard TV came in and told Howard that the colonic people won't even show them how that all works because they're part of some kind of secret colonic society.
Fred told Howard that the sewer water goes directly to the treatment plants, they don't flow into the water. Howard asked Fred what happens after you take a dump. They talked about how the shit flows through the pipes and moves along under the city streets to a plant. Fred said there are a few of them that he found on the web. He read them off to Howard and then Howard asked him more questions about it. Fred said he was reading about what they use the shit for and found that they use it for fertilizer. Artie said you can go and watch the shit getting processed at these plants like it's an aquarium. He said he's seen it in this documentary.
Fred found a mention of what Artie was talking about. They say that the water is treated and then it's released into the water ways. It's highly processed though. Howard wrapped up with that and with Lisa and then moved on to Cabbie.
Cabbie said that he's working there on Faction 28 once a week. He said he can't get any bands to appear on his show because SIRIUS is so weird about talent there. He said he gets in trouble when he has his friends call in on the show though. He said he's asked his bosses for interviews and they won't give him anyone. He said he wants to put a show on and he can't get any guests. Howard told him to just do the show. Cabbie said they hired him because he's a personality.
Cabbie went off on Artie for talking about raw sewage going into the East River. Artie said no one goes into that river because there's shit in it. They got off of that subject when Howard asked the two of them if they were still talking. Artie said they were but Howard brought up Cabbie's web site and said that Artie found out that Cabbie had put up Artie's whole stand-up act on his web site. Artie got upset about that and asked him to remove it. Cabbie removed it and said he didn't know it was going to be a problem. Howard heard that it was a whole negotiation and he didn't remove it right away. Cabbie got a call from Artie's assistant and demanded to have Artie call him himself.
Cabbie said that he asked Artie if he could put up a couple of minutes of his act. He agreed but wanted to approve it. Cabbie said that he spoke to his assistant and he's the one that fucked him over. Artie said that he didn't fuck him over, he was going to tell the real story. Artie said he heard about the act being up on Cabbie's site (CabbieTV.com) so he checked it out. He didn't want that stuff out there because there was some material that wasn't ready to be out there like that. He said he had Teddy call Cabbie up to ask him to remove it. Artie said he heard from Teddy that Cabbie wanted to hear it from him. He called Cabbie and Cabbie removed it after asking him if he could put up a couple of minutes. He never heard from Cabbie again.
Cabbie said he sent the info to Teddy and Teddy told him that he was going to take the heat over it and told him to just put the stuff up. Artie said he believed that and it sounds like something Teddy would do. He said that he's actually had some issues with Teddy lately and it sounds like he could have done that. He said he's fine with what he has up there now though.
Cabbie told Artie that he really shouldn't quit this show. He was also saying that he'd find Teddy and rape him if he found him. Artie said that Cabbie still owes him money that he loaned him a few years ago. Cabbie said that he didn't think he should bring that up on the air though. Artie said that he already brought it up on the air before.
Howard mentioned that Cabbie is using this MyI57 stuff to lose weight. Cabbie said the stuff is great and he's also pushing his web site CabbieTV.com. Cabbie was wearing a ''Shuli Eats Cock'' t-shirt today so he showed that off to the guys.
Cabbie told Howard that he's still got a job over at the old radio station which was Free FM for a little while but it's back to K-Rock again. He said he's not on the air, he's just pushing buttons playing music. He said he thinks that they made the right decision bringing the music back. Cabbie said that Tom C has always looked out for him over there and he appreciates that. He said he thinks they should be programming the station for New Jersey and Long Island because New Yorkers are busy with their iPods and stuff.
Howard asked Cabbie how much he owes in taxes. Cabbie said that it's about $200,000 total between federal and state taxes. Howard told him that if he were him, he'd be doing his taxes every day instead of once a year. Dominic Barbara called in and said that he would like to pay off some of Cabbie's debt with the $1000 that Artie owes him. Artie said he wasn't going to allow that.
Cabbie asked Howard and Artie what went on between them with the fight they had 2 weeks ago. Howard said it was nothing but Artie explained what went on and how the bit they did with that 20 year old chick was for the show and not as a friend thing like Howard claimed it was. Howard said it was a friend thing to him though.
Cabbie asked Howard if he checked out his web site. Howard said he did see Howard.tv... and then corrected himself. His site did look a little similar to the old Howard.tv web site but not like the current site. Howard gave Cabbie some plugs for this MyI57.com stuff and talked about the owner and his wife who were on the show one time. Cabbie said that she was really hot and he would have eaten her ass right in front of her husband if he had the chance.
Cabbie brought up the gay stuff that they've been doing on the show and he can't believe how much they're doing. He said that he sucked a dick one time but Richard was licking balls on the air. Howard told Cabbie that if he sucks a dick, he's gay. Cabbie said that he did take anal one time but that was when he was a kid. Ralph came walking in around that time. He told Cabbie that he's fat as hell and he can't believe he's pushing a weight loss thing. Cabbie said that he's lost some weight though. He told Ralph to get the hell out of there. Howard told Ralph to get out of there. Ralph told Cabbie to lose another 60 pounds and then come back in. Howard told Cabbie it was good to see him and went to break.
King of All Blacks came in as a judge this morning and he was limping from a knee operation he had. Howard said he was looking thinner but he was wearing a tight shirt that didn't look right on him. Howard said Ralph is also a judge today and then moved on to talk about how the guys all went out to find chicks around the city who would be willing to be part of this contest. King interrupted and said he needed some volume in his headphones. That led to Howard asking the guys to show the guests how to do that when they bring them in.
King of all Blacks said that he had a problem with his wife last night when she bought their daughter a white doll. He said that's just wrong. Howard said that maybe a 2 year old black girl should have a black baby. King said that he threw the doll out the window and that's when all hell broke loose. He said the doll came in on a white horse too. Howard said it would make sense if the doll was black. King said he's be fine if the doll was Dora the Explorer or something since she's Spanish. King said he doesn't mind the straight hair on the dolls, he kind of likes that. Howard wondered why the baby doesn't have an afro. King said they just don't do that.
Howard got back to the game and talked to JD about his failure to get chicks to come on the show. JD said he had two girls but they both backed out. Howard played the audio of JD asking some girls if they wanted to be part of the contest and getting rejected. Howard pointed out how creepy he was talking to these chicks.
Howard asked Artie where he met his hot chick. Artie said he found this chick out in front of the building. She was with a guy who was a big fan of the show. He said that she was very pretty but she is 43 years old. Howard asked him how he worked the money deal. Artie said that he just told her she could have all of it. It was up to each of the guys to split the money with the girls the way they wanted.
Artie told the guys that his chick had a couple of kids too. She came in a short time later. Her name was Diane. Ralph saw her and said ''next'' when he saw her. Howard said she had big boobs and was thin and he thought she looked good. Diane said that she listens to the show all the time and she's a big fan. Howard said that Robin, Ralph and King were all going to vote on the contestants. Howard asked Diane what she considers herself on a scale of 10. She rated herself at a 7. Ralph asked her if her top was going to come off. She said that she'd lose her job as a college professor if she did that. She teaches psychology so Howard asked her what she thinks about Artie leaving the show. She doesn't think leaving the show is going to help. She thinks he needs a vacation and some changes in his life though.
Howard said that Ronnie the Limo Driver found this woman Amy who rates herself at an 8. She came in and said that Ronnie wasn't creepy at all when he approached her. She said that he was very smooth and very chilled out when he introduced himself. She gave his rap and King started to laugh. He said that Ronnie thinks that he's real smooth and had to laugh at that. Amy is a sales executive and has a boyfriend. She said that she thinks she's an 8 on a scale of 10. Ronnie said she can have the whole five grand if she wins. Amy said that was a huge incentive. Ralph asked her if her top was going to come off. She said no just like Diane did. Ronnie said that he told her she didn't have to take her top off but she could if she wanted.
Howard brought in the next contestant which was Gary's girl Jessylyn. Gary said he found her walking around outside on the block they work on. He said he was going to split the $5,000 with her even though he had told her it was only $1000 at first. Gary said that he's spoken to her since he met her and she's so sweet that he figured he'd just split it with her. He said he found her as a waitress at Hawaiian Tropic. She's never appeared in print or modeled for anything. He said that she wants to dance and she's working there to pay her bills. She came there from Ohio. Howard asked her why she doesn't dance at Scores. She said that she doesn't do that kind of thing, she's a regular dancer. Jessylyn said she thinks she's about an 8 on a scale of 10. She said that everyone is beautiful there and she's not sure if she can win. She's only 22 years old. Ralph didn't think it was fair that he found this chick where he did. Gary said the rules were discussed and this girl fit in there.
Howard moved on to Benjy's girl, Jamie. She came in and said that she thinks she's about a 7 on a scale of 10. She has a baby voice so Howard talked to her about that. She's only 21 years old. Howard asked Benjy how he found this girl. Benjy said that he saw her and found her stunning. He said she was going in to apply at Hawaiian Tropic. She said that he was a very nice person and she wasn't freaked out by him at all. She said that she did get a job there and she's training as a hostess now. Jamie's last name is Hilfiger and she is related to Tommy Hilfiger. She said that he's her uncle. She said he gives her nice presents and stuff but she can't live off of it. She said that her father bought her a C Class Mercedes as a gift as well. She said that her old car got stolen and her father helped her out.
Howard told Benjy that Benjy's chick qualifies for the contest. There were some arguments about whether or not she should be in the contest. Ronnie said that she was on TV but Gary said that was his girl. He said that his girl had applied for the show but didn't get on. The guys were fighting with this Jamie girl and Howard had to ask them to stop. Ralph said that he had a lot of 7's written down but if someone's top came off, that might change. Benjy said that he only offered Jamie $500 of the $5,000 grand prize. She really doesn't need the money according to some of the guys there. Will said that Jamie was telling him that she would date Benjy if they were both single. She has a boyfriend though and Benjy has a girlfriend.
Howard went around the room and asked the judges who they feel should win. Ralph said that Amy just went up a point with the nice ass she has. Howard gave a plug for the World Extreme Cage fighting that airs on Versus since they were the sponsor of the contest. He asked Robin for her vote first. Robin said that she had to pick Gary's girl Jessylyn. Howard asked Ralph for his pick. Ralph said he was going with Jessylyn as well even though he didn't think it was that fair. He said he thinks she needs implants though.
Howard asked Jessylyn to dance for them since she is a dancer, or trying to be one. Fred found a song to play for her and she started to dance for them. Howard said she was really good too. Will danced with her a little bit and then Howard asked King to get up and dance with her as well. They were dancing to a Beyonce song. Howard told King that he shouldn't be touching the girl though. He had everyone sit down a short time later.
Howard asked King for his pick. King said he was going to pick Tommy Hilfiger's niece. He said that he had to give it to her. Fred went with Jessylyn. Howard said he was going to pick her as well so she was the winner. Howard said it would be nice if they could give prizes to all of the girls but they only had the prize for the winner. They had this guy Urijah Faber come in to present the check to the winner. He's one of the fighters in this WEC battle. He said that his fight is going to be on Versus tonight so people should check that out. He said that he actually went to school but ended up fighting.
Gary is going to split the money with Jessylyn. Artie was still pissed that Gary found a girl the way he did. Gary said that he stayed within the rules. Artie said that girls like that don't walk around the streets, they belong to some kind of society that picks them up to make sure no one sees them. Howard gave away a few other prizes courtesy of HealthFromTheHive.com for the girls who didn't win.
The guys talked to Urijah for a few minutes about his fights. He told them about how brutal the fights can be. He was saying that he's 19-1 so he doesn't lose very often. He said he only weighs about 153 so Artie said that he doubles his weight. Howard wrapped up a short time later and congratulated Gary on his win. He got in a few plugs and then went to commercial break.
Howard moved on to Eli Roth. He said he's told this story on the air a bunch of times about how Eli was this guy who sat outside his door when he was shooting his movie ''Private Parts'' back in 1996 or so. Eli would sit there writing his scripts while he guarded his door. Eli is now a big time writer/director. Eli said it was nice to be inside the studio now instead of sitting outside.
Howard said Eli used to write the script long hand and he never thought he was going to amount to anything and figured he mumbled under his breath ''asshole'' after the guy told him he was writing a script. He said if he knew the guy was that talented at the time, he would have optioned the script. He was writing Cabin Fever at the time and it made quite a bit of money. He said he wrote the script way back then and they didn't shoot it until 2001. He said everyone said it was a shitty script and they're still saying that.
Eli has a bunch of ideas for really bad movie trailers and he wants to make a whole movie about it called ''Trailer Trash.'' Howard asked him about his movie ''Hostel'' which made a ton of money and only cost $3.8 million to make. He said that the movie was made independently and picked up by the big studios to distribute. He said no one had any idea the movie was going to make that kind of money. Howard said that Eli has his name listed above the movie title now and that's a pretty big deal. Eli said that horror movie fans like to see that stuff because they kind of know what to expect.
Robin said that Hostel was hard to sit through because it was so brutal. Eli said that the end of Hostel Part 2 is so brutal that no movie will come close to being that brutal. Robin said that even the trailer is scary. Howard said that Eli is dating Rosario Dawson but Eli said that was just a rumor, he's not really dating her. He said he drove her to a party one night and that was it.
Eli said he's only 35 so Howard said that he's sure a lot of actresses want to get to know him. Eli said that he goes away to Prag to make these movies so he meets them out there. He said that the casting for the movie was great because he was doing nude casting and stuff like that. He said he eventually had to stop going out with girls because he was getting sick too often. He said that they have to hire hot extras on the movie set because it keeps the crew under control. The guys act better if they have hot chicks around.
Howard asked Eli if he has to jerk off before each work day. Eli said that he shares an apartment with his brother so he can't do that. He said that the money is just now starting to come in from the movies he's made. He said that he won't get paid for the first Hostel movie until October. Howard found that hard to believe. Eli said that it's really unbelievable how they work that stuff. Eli said that he cut his salary in half for Hostel Part 2 to make the movie more gory. He said he'll get several million dollars later this year when he gets paid for Hostel. He said he's doing very well already and can't complain.
Howard talked to Eli about how he once said that he wanted to chop off Kate Hudson's head in one of his movies. Eli said he was just joking but some of her movies are awful and he can't stand them when he gets stuck watching them on a flight. Howard also asked him what movies are up against Hostel Part 2 this weekend. ''Oceans 13'' is one of them so they talked about that. Eli said that he thinks the word of mouth on this movie will really work and it'll do great. He said that the ending of the movie is so crazy that no one can beat it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Eli if he banged any famous chicks before he got into the movie thing. He said he did bang some hot chicks but not really anyone famous. A woman called in and said that she went to see the first Hostel movie and she can't wait to see the new one. Eli told Howard that when he was a kid that he used to puke when he went to horror movies. He said that he's seen pictures of people projectile vomiting coming out of his movie so it's come full circle now.
Eli said that the ratings board has never seen stuff like what he's doing in his movies so they're not even sure how to compare it to other stuff. He said that there have been some crazy things over time where people were tortured and stuff like that. He described some stuff that the churches used to do to ''witches'' years ago. He described some of that stuff to Howard and then Howard wrapped up with him. Eli said that he worked on hundreds of movies and no one was as cool to him as Howard was.
Howard said that Eli was always kind of fascinating to him back when he first met him. He didn't know that he was going to end up like this though. Eli's new movie ''Hostel Part 2'' opens this Friday. Howard asked him who the biggest prick he's ever worked with was. Eli said that Raquel Welch was probably one of the worst. He said he had to run around and find her some apple juice one time and it was a nightmare. He told that story and also said that he got fired from ''Meet Joe Black'' for not being a good stand-in. He said that he was fired by the director when he said that he was an untalented stand-in. He ended up getting hired back as a production assistant and got stuck turning air on and off during the filming. Then he got the job on Private Parts which was great for him. Artie told Eli that he had a worse job than he ever did. He said that he was an actor in ''Mystery Men.''
Howard asked Eli about the Raquel Welch thing and if he ever thought that it was the wrong line of business when it came to that. Eli said that you have to go with it and try to enjoy it. He also talked about some other movie ideas that he has that he might make next.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Eli if he would work with Howard. Eli said he'd love to in the right project. Howard said he'd like to play a monster. Howard told him that he'd be willing to shave his head for the right role. He said he's not even sure that he'd do another movie. Eli then mentioned that he'd like to do a trailer for Fartman and that way they could do just the best parts and not do a whole movie. Howard said he has the script so maybe they could do that. Eli said they should. Another caller asked Eli if he'd put Jessica Biel in one of his movies. He said he likes her and he would do that if he needed to. Howard said that's the best part about Eli, he doesn't have to put big stars in his movies. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said hello to Dr. Roni who was helping Robin out with her diet. She said she had just given her some warm soup since today is her colonic day. She said she had given her some other special drinks earlier. She talked about Robin's colonic and how she will be in the room with her while it's going on. She said she wants to be there so she can talk about it later in the day with her. She wants to see what comes out so they can go over that. Fred played a bunch of fart sounds as they were talking about that.
Artie said that Dr. Roni had given him some of her special drink this morning. He said it was actually pretty good but he had a pack of Linden's chocolate chip cookies in his other hand. Dr. Roni showed Howard her book and gave him a copy of it. The book is called ''21 Pounds in 21 Days: The Martha's Vineyard Diet Detox.''
Howard told Dr. Roni about his diet and how he tries to eat healthy. That's the reason he walks around dizzy all the time. He hardly eats. Artie said that Howard hasn't had a real meal since 1981. Howard laughed at Robin about her colonic.
Howard said that they're still getting feedback about Richard licking Sal's balls on the show. He played a song parody that someone sent in about it that said they had gone too far this time.
Howard said that Shuli and Richard got a hold of Big Foot and had him talking about Viagra but he kept calling it ''Niagara.'' Big Foot was saying it makes your nose grow as a joke. Shuli and Richard jerked him around and had him repeating himself over and over again for over 4 minutes.
Richard was talking about how much fun they have going out on the road with people like Big Foot and Beetlejuice. They get to jerk them around like this when they go out. Howard played more of the tape of Big Foot talking about Niagara. Richard said they actually rode with Big Foot in his car over to the club they were appearing at. He said it was the scariest thing riding in it.
Howard moved on to Jon Hein after that. Jon said that they'll be discussing the Hottest Regular Chick contest on the Wrap Up Show today. They'll also talk about Eli Roth's visit. Cabbie's visit will also be discussed today after the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they have tape of Fred going around the city asking women to be part of that contest. Howard said he played some of that earlier. He said that Fred is very scary looking and bizarre so he's not surprised he didn't find anyone. He said he's surprised he didn't get arrested for that. Fred walked out of the studio as Howard was playing the audio clip. Fred said he wasn't interested in hearing it.
Steve the Intern came in with an update for the Intern Show. He said they'll have more behind the scenes stuff about the Hottest Regular Chick contest because some of the interns were out with the guys. The guys talked about how the female interns get all of the attention there while the guys are basically ignored. Howard had Robin start her news after that short discussion.
The discussions about those songs led to the guys talking about other classic rock bands like 38 Special and some others. Howard had Fred playing a bunch of songs that they used to play on WCCC back when they worked there. Howard was talking up the songs like he did back then. Howard made a reference to Fred being with him 34 years from then as he was doing that.
Yucko the Clown called in and told Artie he'd better stop eating or else he might not fit out the door when he walks out in January. Artie told him he'd better hope he walks out in January, that way he might have a job. Howard went to break after that.
Robin got into her news a short time later and went through a bunch of stories. John the Stutterer called in at one point and asked Howard why he never brings up that Rudy Giuliani's wife was his second cousin. Howard said it's irrelevant, a lot of people do that. Howard said it's really not a big deal but John was trying to argue with him and had trouble getting out his comments. He said it's marrying a blood relation and it's just weird. Howard said what was weird was hearing him on the phone and his voice playing back in the background. John also thanked Howard for letting him make that point. He told Howard, Robin, Artie and Fred that they're all great before Howard hung up on him.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that Artie told him to get weaned off of the morphine he was on. They took him off that and put him on some other drugs that are addictive as well. Jeff said that he's really not feeling too good these days. He said they tell him that he's healing okay but he really doesn't feel good. He said that they have to do skin grafts in July sometime. He's able to walk around though. Artie told him it's going to take time.
Howard took a call from another guy who said he knows someone who works at the hospital where Jeff was treated and she told him that he was a major pain in the ass. He said that Jeff was complaining about the drugs not working and he was asking for people to help him go out and smoke. Jeff said that was bull, he didn't need anyone to help him go out to smoke.
Jeff the Drunk asked why Hank Williams Jr. isn't allowed on his show. Howard said it's because no one gives a shit. He said he had him on the show once and he was a nice guy but no one cares. Howard let Jeff go and goofed on him for using Hank's nickname Bo Sefus when he asked about him. He and Artie were doing their impressions of Jeff using that name.
While Robin was in the middle of a news story Dr. Roni came in and dropped off another bowl of soup for her. Howard asked her why she came in so soon after the other one. Roni was giving Robin some anti-inflammatory drink. Howard wondered how that helped and spent a few minutes talking to her about that. Robin was supposed to head over to her colonic around 11 so they only had about 5 minutes before that was supposed to happen. Howard talked to Dr. Roni about her diet stuff for a short time. Dr. Roni told Howard that she was going to have Robin doing some rebound jumping so Howard wanted to make sure they get that on video. He asked her to come back in so he could tell her that he wants to make sure that she does that before she gets her colonic since the cameras would be with her today. Robin said she wasn't going to be doing that on camera though. Howard ended the show around 11:05am.
Howard started off the show mentioning that they had Robin Givens stopping by on the show today. He also said they have this guy Deadlee. He's a gay rapper according to Howard. He played one of his songs and Robin wondered what that had to do with him being gay. Howard said that just because he's gay doesn't mean he has to sing like a gay guy.
Howard talked to Robin about her diet and read her a story about her Dr. Roni who has moved in with her for a couple of weeks. The story was all wrong, they had Dr. Roni's name wrong and some of the facts wrong.
Howard asked Artie how his Letterman appearance went. Artie said it went pretty good. Howard played a clip from the start of the Letterman show where they introduce Artie as being from ''Rescue Me'' instead of from the Howard Stern Show. Artie said he didn't tell them to do that. He said he had no control over that. He said he's never told them how he wanted to be introduced. Artie said that the show booked him for the show, he didn't tell them to say that. He's not sure why they introduced him like that because they've mentioned that he's from the Stern Show in the past.
Howard told Artie he's got a bone to pick with him and said that he busted his balls about using the term ''bro'' with him 2 weeks ago but he uses it in his movie ''Beer League'' a bunch of times. Howard played some clips from the movie and there were a bunch of references in the movie. Artie claimed that it was because all of the guys in the movie talk like old men. Howard thought that was a bunch of bullshit though.
Howard asked Artie how Letterman went. Artie said it was fine, he didn't have any complaints. He said that Nicole Richie was looking good and not too skinny. He said that he thought she looked skinny but fuller than she did the last time he saw her. He said her face is stunning and her complexion is great. He said she said a lot of dumb stuff on the show though. He told Howard that she had a huge entourage over there too.
Artie said he had a bunch of people stop in to see him over there too. Tim Sabean, Ross Zapin and his sister all stopped in. Ralph came in with Sam Simon as well. Howard said Sam had just gotten an award from the North Shore Animal League. Howard said he invited Sam and Ralph to his house this weekend and he got a note from Ralph saying ''We can't make it...'' which was kind of odd.
Artie said that Sam was helping him out with some lines in the back room there. He said he had too many people in his dressing room there because everyone took over all of the chairs and someone was eating his cookies and stuff. He said he was trying to watch the show before he went on and it was tough with people in the room with him. He wanted to know what was going on because he needs to use some material in his act. Howard said he's has the same thing happen to him before.
Howard asked Artie if Ross gave him the SIRIUS jacket he wore on the show. Artie said he did give it to him and said that it was on camera the whole time. Howard said that Scott Greenstein got a hold of him and asked him to plug the service on the show. He said that they're always asking him to plug stuff when he goes on shows like that.
Artie said that Nicole Richie mentioned that she gave enemas to people on The Simple Life one time. He also said that she was wearing a dress that looked like a prom dress. He said it looked beautiful on her though. He said she looked really pretty in it. Howard played some of the audio clips from Artie's appearance where Dave mentioned he was on ''Rescue Me'' and didn't mention the Stern Show thing. Artie said he's not sure why they didn't mention that he's on the Stern Show. Artie said that they asked him if he was leaving the show and he told them that he wasn't so they should have mentioned it.
Howard played some of Nicole Richie's appearance with Dave where he asked her about how her friend Paris was doing before she went off to jail. Nicole said that she probably felt like anyone who was about to go to jail. Nicole had some issues with the law as well so Dave asked her about that. She said that she could end up in jail herself but didn't want to laugh about it too much because it's really not funny. If she goes she could end up there at the end of the month. Artie said Nicole said something odd about how it's not just Hollywood that goes to jail, it's everyone. Howard said it's odd that Nicole does everything that Paris Hilton does.
Artie said that he stayed up and watched Letterman last night so he didn't get much sleep. He said he also watched the MTV Movie Awards. He said that Sarah Silverman was great on that show and he thought it was a great subject for Sarah to goof on. They talked about how great Sarah was goofing on Paris. Howard said that shows how dumb Paris is because she was about to go to jail and she showed up at an awards show.
Howard got back to Artie's Letterman appearance and played the audio of him coming out to the tune of ''Rescue Me.'' Artie said it was great doing an appearance with Nicole Richie because he got to eat all of her food back stage. He also said that she also gave him a great enema referring back to something she talked about earlier. Dave quickly moved on and asked Artie about growing up in New Jersey. Artie took that as Dave just trying to get in some material in the short time they had to work together. He and Dave talked about the Yankees and A-Rod for a short time. Artie talked about how bad A-Rod is doing and goofed on the Mets a little bit. He talked about being at a Yankee game with his father back in the 70s and how he got his first contact high there up in the upper deck of the stadium.
Artie talked about sneaking down to the field with his father and how he told him he could get out onto the field after the third out. His father said he could throw him out there instead of just running out. He said his father told him not to cry like a baby and just wait for him out at short stop. He said he thought he was off the hook when they won the game but his father threw him out and said ''I'll meet you at short!'' Artie talked about how crazy it was out on the field with everyone running around and stealing stuff and just going nuts. Artie said he ended up at the short stop and his father showed up a short time later and tapped him on the shoulder saying ''We won!'' Artie said he put him on his shoulders and told him that he wasn't going to school the next day no matter what his mother says. Dave talked to Artie about doing some stuff on ''Rescue Me'' and how he was having sex with a nun on the show. Dave wrapped up a short time after that.
Howard said it seemed like Dave wanted to step on him every time he mentioned Nicole Richie. Artie said that Dave seems to be uptight about things. He said he was asked not to use the line about his father rolling a joint but he used it anyway. He said Nicole Richie had brought up the enema thing and Dave kept bringing it up so he thought it was okay for him to use it as well. Howard said that maybe Dave didn't want him using it because that was up to him, not up to his guest. Howard thought Artie's appearance was great though. He was laughing through the whole thing. Artie said he got invited back to do the show again in a couple of months so things seemed to go well.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he loved that story Artie told. He then played a clip of Nicole Richie talking about the enema thing. She tells Dave about this fitness camp she worked at and how she gave them enemas outside on a table. Dave said that is something you'd want to do outside. He also asked Nicole what's going on with people in Hollywood these days. That's when she said her weird line about how it's not just Hollywood, everyone around the world is going to jail. She didn't even seem to know what she was saying. Howard said that when you read about Paris freaking out about going to prison you realize she must get bored out of her mind because she has no interests. He said that if he was going to jail for 20 days like Paris is, he'd have some chess books to read and some other stuff that he could do that would keep him busy. He said she could figure out something to do to keep herself busy.
Howard told Artie his appearance was good and asked him what he wore. He said he was wearing his cargo pants like he usually does. That led to Howard asking Artie about the powder he had on his shirt this morning. Artie said that it was baby powder that he has to use in the warm weather. He said Ralph was there to help him out with his look but he just gave him a look and told him there wasn't much he could do.
Robin asked Howard if he was going to call Artie after his appearance. Howard said that he doesn't do that because Artie isn't his bro. He went to break right after that.
Howard said he saw a picture of himself at a movie premiere and he just looked awful. He said he wakes up in the morning and he's miserable then too. He's always miserable. Artie said he thinks that if Howard retired from this schedule, he'd be fine. Howard said he doesn't think that it ever goes away. Robin said it's an internal thing that he can't get rid of. Howard said he just can't shake this misery even though therapy has kind of helped him figure out where it's coming from. He said he remembers being happy at 5 years old but after that he was miserable.
Fred said he was miserable as well but he had good reason for it. Howard said he doesn't think that he's clinically depressed from what he's been told. He said that if he was, the therapist would prescribe medication. That's never happened. He said he's just miserable, he's not depressed. He's a miserable man and that's it. Robin said the guy who just got executed in Texas looked happier than Howard.
Howard said he was going to call Robin yesterday and ask her about this Dr. Roni thing to find out what's really going on. He figured it would be best if he didn't though. He said it's not really his business what she does. He went in and asked her if she was okay after her roast one day and she gave him a hard time about that so he figured he wouldn't bother to call her off the air. Howard said she'd probably ask him if he thought she was crazy or something.
Howard and Robin talked about that roast and Robin said that he was asking her other questions while he was trying to ask her if she was okay that day. She told him to please call her every time he wants to. She said that she will never say anything like that again. Robin said that it was weird how Howard was trying to ask her questions about other things instead of just getting to the point, that's what she found odd. Howard said that he was awkward with it that day and he knows it.
Howard said it has to be a little embarrassing for her. Robin said the woman does it for a living so if she doesn't go, that woman starves, that's the way she looks at it. Howard said it must have been odd to have Dr. Roni in the room with her. She said it did feel like she was delivering something while she was in there. Howard said it's almost like she was giving birth and it was like a birthing room. He said it must have been like a shuttle launch in there with everything going on.
Howard asked Dr. Roni what they talked about in there. She said that they were just talking about a bunch of things like how she was feeling and what they saw coming out. Robin said that Dr. Roni was even rubbing her feet while it was going on. Robin said that they told her at one point that she was going like a race horse. They got all excited for her. Dr. Roni said that she got excited after about 5 minutes because things started to happen quickly. Sometimes it takes longer than that for some people.
Dr. Roni said that Robin wasn't all impacted in there so she was ''well lubricated'' and things were coming out easily. Howard asked what she would have felt if her doody was hard. She said it would have meant that she was dehydrated. She gave details about what they'd think if they saw certain things in there. Robin said that she kept going and going as they were flushing her out. Howard asked Dr. Roni to describe the biggest thing she saw come out of her. She said that there wasn't anything all that large.
Howard asked Robin if she felt her stomach was smaller now. She said she did feel like she had been washed out internally. She didn't say she felt thinner though. Dr. Roni said that there was a point when there wasn't much coming out so they started it over again and got a little more to come out. Robin said that she's still intact and she slept very well last night. She said she thought she was going to be worn out but she's feeling just fine today.
Howard asked Robin if she jumped around on the trampoline like Dr. Roni said she was going to yesterday. Roni said that she felt that might be a little too much for her if she had done that. Robin said that there was still some colonic water in there even after she was done. Dr. Roni said that they really don't know how much stuff came out of Robin because it all goes right into the sewer system. They can watch it through a window though.
Howard asked if they weighed Robin after the colonic. She said they didn't do that. Howard told Artie he should try doing that because that might cut down his bloat a little bit. Artie said he can't imagine how much red meat he has stuck inside of him.
Howard asked Dr. Roni about the drinks she's been giving Robin today and got a run down of what she's had so far today. Howard asked her if she saw any parasites in there when she was doing that. She said there was none of that going on with her. Artie joked that the only parasites that were there were Dr. Roni and her staff. Robin is going to be getting a spa treatment today so Howard talked about how he doesn't like that kind of stuff for himself. Howard gave her a plug for her book 21 Pounds in 21 Days: The Martha's Vineyard Diet Detox and went to break.
Howard asked Deadlee if he thinks that Eminem's rap channel would play his music. He said he'd hope so but he's not sure. Howard said he read that Deadlee likes rough, aggressive sex. He also read that he's attracted to Baba Booey on the show. Deadlee said he's got that bear-like look. Gary came in a short time later and said that he was looking at him like he was a hamburger or something. Deadlee asked him to show him his body a little bit.
Gary asked Deadlee what he thinks about Artie because he's kind of bear-like. Deadlee said that Artie just looks a little sloppy. He said he really likes Gary's smile and that look he has. He said he'd love to lick those teeth of his too. Deadlee said that he loves women too much to degrade them. He said he'd like to nut on Baba Booey's face and spit on him as well.
Howard read that Deadlee knows the show and used to like KC and Ralph. He said that he saw Ralph out one time in L.A. and his gaydar popped up for a second. Artie asked him who he'd rather have, Gary or KC. Deadlee said he'd actually rather have Gary because he likes his guys to be a little odd. Howard asked him if he'd like to do Fred and had Fred stand up to show off. He wasn't all that interested in Fred so Benjy was up next. He said he liked Benjy and liked him a little hairy.
Howard said he knows it must be tough to be a gay rapper. He said he has a few fans out there and quite a few of them are on Myspace. He also talked about how his father wasn't so thrilled with him being gay but his mother is okay with it now. He said that his father told him that no son of his is going to be gay. His mother is into it now. She didn't want him going on Howard's show though. He told her that Howard would be cool to him though.
Howard asked Deadlee what he is, black or Puerto Rican or what. He said that he's a mutt, part Latino and part black. Howard wished him the best of luck and told him that he's going to ask the guys at Shade 45 to play some of his music.
Sal and Richard came in asking to do a gay rap thing with Deadlee. They were in their boxer shorts and asked Deadlee to rap about them first. He said he had no flow but went into a rap for a few seconds. Then Sal and Richard did a rap where they insulted Deadlee a couple of times. Then Sal asked if Deadlee wanted to play Sack or Cock where he had to guess if they were pulling out the skin from their sack or cock. Richard did it first and it was the bottom of his shaft but Deadlee got it wrong. Sal was up next and pulled out some skin. Everyone was grossed out so Howard kicked them out of there.
Howard said he heard that Sal fell asleep next to Richard on the couch in the green room. Richard said Sal was waiting for Jon Hein to leave and they just fell asleep in there. Howard said there are a lot of places he could have slept though.
Howard gave Deadlee a plug for his album ''Assault With a Deadly Weapon'' and then found out that he got the Clap from a guy who gave him oral sex one night after a show. Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who asked him why he'd get into a job where he'll never make it because everyone who likes rap hates gays. Howard said that if people keep thinking like that things will never change. Howard gave Deadlee a plug for his web site Deadlee.com and then went to break.
Lisa said that Howard is a trading card now as a zombie called ''Howeird Stern'' and she wondered if that's a copyright infringement. Howard said it is and Topps are a bunch of scumbags for doing that without his permission. Lisa mentioned that Jason and Will have another story about Scott the Engineer passing off the CD of his son's music to the guys in Hanson. Howard heard that and asked if he can't stop that. Scott came in and said that's a lie because he never did that. His son doesn't even have a CD out now.
Jason came in and said that Lisa had the story wrong and it was actually Scott talking to the band's manager about his son's band. Scott said he didn't approach the guy, the manager approached him. Jason said it was kind of funny because Scott was in there yelling trying to tell the guy about his son. Scott said the guy asked him a question and he gave him an answer, that's it. Howard let everyone go a short time later.
Robin said the other mergers go through because no one cares about it. Howard said that there was one senator who heard that he was making a lot of money and called them out on that saying that he'd like to make a lot of money himself.
Howard read another story from the paper about a guy who likes to pay girls to let him stick pins into them. He read the story and found that the guy is going to be charged with some sexual deviant charges for letting the girls stick pins in them. He read that the guy paid the girls between $500 and $6,000 to let him do this stuff to them. He read that he was sticking pins and pens into their asses. He wondered why the guy didn't work in a piercing shop where he could live out his fetishes every day.
Howard brought up the clip from COPS he was about to play but Dr. Roni was bringing a drink into Robin so he had to stop to talk about that for a few seconds. Howard said that this clip from COPS was about this guy who was jerking off in front of people's windows. We hear a woman talking about the guy doing it in his window and how embarrassing it is for everyone in the neighborhood. The cops go to visit the guy and ask him why he's doing what he's doing. The guy tells the cops that he knows the woman who saw him from seeing her at the pool. He tells the cops he knew what he was doing was wrong. He said there was just something about her and he got carried away. He admitted that he's done it a couple of times to her. He said he finds her sexually attractive and that's it. The cops asked him to put some clothes on so they could take him in to be charged.
Howard thought that was a great clip because the guy was so honest with them about what he was doing. Artie said the cops probably didn't expect the guy to answer so honestly when they asked him about that stuff.
Eric said that he thought that the guy looked just like him and did a good job. Eric said that one of the judges, Elon Gold, said the same thing. Howard played an audio clip from the show but had the wrong one. He had a clip from The View. He cut that off and then played the one from ''The Next Best Thing.'' The guy sounds very much like Howard and even looks similar to him. Howard played a clip from The View where the guy claims that he's not a fan of Howard's because he doesn't make him laugh. In that clip Joy Behar asked him if he has women coming on to him because they think he has money. Howard thought that was a little harsh. He said the guy kind of looks like him too and showed the guys what he looked like. Artie said that his voice sounds a lot like him but the look it's quite right. Gary said it can fool you for a couple of seconds if you see him actually moving.
Howard didn't know the name of all of the judges on that show so Eric the Midget threw in the name of the woman he was missing. Howard goofed on him saying that he knows a lot of useless stuff like that. They talked about how great the job must be to be a judge on one of those network shows like that. Jeff Ross and Elon Gold are two of the judges on there and Artie was saying that they're probably getting paid really well for that.
Howard said that he won an award back in 1980 for doing an American Idol-like show. He said he had a bunch of radio execs on the show and people singing for them. He said that they didn't leave it up to the audience to vote but he did take some phone calls letting some people give their thoughts. He said that he was basically doing that American Idol thing back in 1980 and winning awards for it and it pisses him off that American Idol is making the kind of money they are.
Howard said that he's not pissed off at the creator of that show, but he is pissed at the creator of the show ''Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader'' because he thinks that the guy that came up with the idea heard them doing that stuff on his show. He said he can't even watch that show because of that. He said it would piss him off too much. That led to him talking about some other things that have been stolen from his show like Stuttering John and some of the bits that Jay Leno does on his show. He says that Leno goofs on him for claiming he invented everything but he knows that he invented a few things that he does on his show.
Howard ripped on Jay for a short time and then asked Eric the Midget if he agreed with him about Jay being an asshole. Eric said he can't comment on that because he likes watching the show. He didn't get why Eric was never on his side, ever. Eric said that he likes some of the stuff they do on that show and he can't say anything bad. Howard said he can't wait to find a replacement for Eric the Midget, like a Rick the Midget or something like that.
Eric said that he does know that The Tonight Show will become awful when Conan O'Brien takes over. Howard said that Conan is a better interviewer than Jay is and the show will be better. Howard said that one of Conan's guys also ripped off a bit they used to do on his show years ago. He said he's got to get out of the business because he's sick of that kind of stuff going on. He said he was out jogging yesterday and he was laughing because he had a whole show going on inside his head.
Howard played a bunch of edited Jay Leno audio clips where they had him saying things that he never actually said. Howard said that Jay is a morally bankrupt human being as that was going on. He said the guy wanted that show so bad that he was hiding in closets during meetings and stuff. He said he hates that Jay beats Letterman in the ratings. Robin said that at least Letterman can compete against Jay, no one was able to compete against Johnny Carson when he was on.
Howard played some more of the Leno clips and had Jay saying things like how he had Wolfman Jack come all over his face. That led to Howard talking about Wolfman Jack and how the guy wouldn't even work live, they'd record his voice and a guy would play the clips of him telling people he was going to play their song for them. Howard said that he would come into work every 6 months or so to record that stuff over at WNBC. That led to Howard talking about his days at WNBC working with Imus. He said people have asked him about what he thinks of the whole Imus firing thing and he just tells them that Imus was a fuck and he's glad he was fired.
Howard played a bunch of the Leno clips and continued to goof on him. He said that they pulled those clips from his audio book that he did for kids and it couldn't have been easy to put that stuff together. Howard said that they had Robin Givens coming in soon and he used to be very good friends with her. He said that Robin was a great girl and they really got along very well.
Howard said that coming up on Howard TV soon is Bubba's Cribs episode. They also have Robin's racing experience special coming up soon. They both start airing on June 13th. There are some other shows on there like Robin's Detox Diet and Artie threatening to quit and things like that. Robin said she's heard a lot about The Jesus Twins lately because their classic show is up on Howard TV. She said people really hate them but she could watch them all day long.
Howard let Eric go and then took a call from a guy who asked Artie if he's ever had a chick lick his nipple at a strip club. Howard said that if a chick does that in a strip club, she might just like him because they don't have to do stuff like that. Howard spent a minute talking to the guy about that and told him he should try to hook up with the chick.
Eric the Midget called back and said that he wanted to thank Howard for opening up the line of communication with that chick Brandy because he's been talking to her ever since they had him on the show with her. Howard said he appreciates him thanking them for that. Eric said that if the date ever happens, he won't let Howard 100 News or Howard TV tag along. Howard then thanked him for turning that thank-you into crap. He had to hang up on him after that because he's so unappreciative. He said that if the camera isn't there, he's not going to get anything from that chick.
Howard told Robin that she was more beautiful and stunning than ever. Robin said she knows that Beth is pretty stunning herself. That led to Robin Q. Telling her that Howard was now engaged to her. Robin G said that she and Howard haven't been talking much since he started dating Beth. He said that they used to go out to basketball games and stuff. Now they can't even get together for dinner just to talk. Robin said she's no competition for Beth, she's not a leggy blonde. Howard said that Robin is very attractive, that's what the problem is. He said that she was a lot of fun to hang out with.
Robin said that she and Howard went out on a date one night and had a great time seeing Gladiator. She said that she also cooked him dinner one night and had a chef come into his apartment to cook for them. Howard said they really did have a good time hanging out. Artie said he saw Robin in that movie ''Boomerang'' and she was the only thing worth checking out in it. Robin didn't know Artie so Howard had to introduce him to her. Artie was saying that in that movie you get angry at Eddie Murphy because he's dating her and Halle Berry in it.
Howard said that he knew that Eddie Murphy was Robin's first guy and he had taken her virginity but Robin said she wasn't going to talk about that kind of thing. She said that she was dressed nicely and was there to promote this book of hers. None of that stuff is in the book.
Howard said Robin did the right thing and kissed Oprah's ass in the book. Robin said she used to ask Howard about writing books and he didn't help her out all that much but Oprah did. Robin went on to say that she did Larry King's show last night and had a good time doing that. Howard said that she used to have a ton of guys hitting on her. She'd have stories to tell him all the time back when they were hanging out. That led to them talking about Mike Tyson. Howard said that he had feelings for Robin and he wanted to know what was up with the Tyson thing. Robin claimed he never asked her about that when they were out though.
Howard said that he and Robin weren't able to stay friends. Howard said he called her and told her about finding Beth. Robin said that he was so nice about the whole thing and it was very sweet that he told her about Beth when he started to see her. Robin reminded Howard about some of her friends that they used to hang out with and how much fun they had. Howard said that she used to bring him to some weird clubs and stuff. One night they went to a club where there were no white people, just a bunch of black people, with one guy singing while standing on his head, and some Japanese people.
Robin Q asked why they didn't keep hanging out if they were just friends back then. Howard said that he felt obligated to tell Robin that he had met someone and didn't want to be dishonest. They talked about how Robin had kids and that was an issue for Howard. Robin brought one of her kids with her to Howard's place one time and Howard had a strange look on his face when she showed up. Howard said that he didn't really want to see kids, he just wanted to head-for-zee-hills when she brought the kid up there. He said the kid was nice but he wanted nothing to do with the kid. Howard said that he always had fun when he went out on a date with Robin though.
Howard said he adores Robin. He said that he thinks she's one of the best people he's ever met. She told him to tell Beth that then and just hang out with her. Howard said that when he's with a woman, like Beth, he totally gets into that woman and doesn't deal with anyone else. He said he should have other friends, and he'd like to, but he just can't do it. He said that if Beth was calling an old boyfriend all the time, he'd feel kind of weird about it. Robin Q said that she does call an old boyfriend and they've gone to see his old place. Howard said that they went once. Howard told Robin that she'd have to gain 300 pounds for him to see her again. He said that she's very good looking and that's the problem. Howard said that Beth wouldn't be happy with him if he started hanging out with her. She asked him to get her on the phone so she can talk to her about it. Howard asked Gary to get her on the cell if he could.
Howard asked Robin Q if she would want someone like that hanging around her boyfriend. She didn't seem to have a problem with it. Robin G said that Howard is not acting like a friend. Howard asked Robin if she was in love with him but she turned it around and asked him the same. Neither of them answered.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what kind of panties the two Robin's were wearing today. Robin G said she was wearing a pink lace thong. Howard said she's got a great ass too, he's seen her in movies. Robin G asked Robin Q how long she lasted on the lemonade diet she did a while back. Robin said she did it for 3 months while Robin G said she lasted 3 hours. Howard said she can eat a lot of food too.
Gary told Howard he left Beth a message on her cell. Robin said she wanted to leave her a message herself so the guys told her that she was on. Robin then left a message thinking she was actually leaving one. She said that she thinks that she could be very good friends with Beth and Howard at the same time. Howard figured that Robin is still in love with him.
Howard talked to Robin about her book and some of the stuff she talks about in there. She said that she wrote it herself and wrote a lot of it in long hand on pads of paper. She said she'd go to see her son play tennis and she'd write there and other places. It took her two years to write the book.
Ralph called in and asked Howard if he loves those broken chicks like Robin Givens. He said that Robin was the hottest chick that Howard dated other than Beth. He said that she was a little feisty too. She said that Ralph once commented on her ass and she wanted Howard to punch him for that. Howard told Ralph to get out of his apartment that day because he was acting like he was at Scores or something. Ralph told Robin that Howard has kind of blown him off since he met Beth so she shouldn't feel so bad. He said that he doesn't get as much time with him as he used to. Howard said he comes over like once a week to do some work now.
Howard told Robin that Ralph was in love with her and still talks about her. They talked about the old days and how much fun they used to have. Robin asked Ralph what he thinks about Howard not calling her. He said it's not an insult to her, he's got to do that because he feels like he has to concentrate on Beth and not upset what's going on there. Howard said he does miss Robin and hanging out with her.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him that he was a god. He said that Howard has had Angie Everhart and Robin Givens. Howard said it wasn't like that though. He said that he and Robin didn't have that kind of relationship. The caller asked if Robin felt like Howard was her best lover ever like Angie did. Robin didn't know about that so Howard had to explain to her that Angie had said that he was her best lover ever on a TV show one time.
Howard asked Robin about her claims that Mike Tyson had raped her one night. She said that he'd have to read the book if he wanted to know more because it was complicated. She wouldn't give all the details. Howard read some of the stuff from that part of the book where she explains what happened with Mike that night. She told him to read the whole book because when it's taken out of context, it doesn't sound right. Robin said she dedicated her book to girls who grew up without fathers. She said she grew up like that herself.
Howard read some other stuff from her book and found that she won $14 million from Mike Tyson but he was under the impression she never took a cent from him. She said that what he was reading wasn't right, she didn't know what he was talking about. Angry Black called in and asked Robin if she wrote about how she had worked the rope line with all of the black athletes before lucking out with Tyson. Angry Black also said that if Tyson really did what she claimed, he should be in jail for that. Angry Black wanted to know about that stuff but Robin didn't want to answer his questions. Angry said that she did take money from Tyson and she was a gold digger. Howard hung up on him after that.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked Robin if Howard banged her good. Robin said Howard was blushing when he heard that. Benjy asked Howard and Robin if they were exclusive ''friends'' when they were together back then. Howard said that he thinks they were. Robin said she thought this was going to be easy this morning. She was having a tough time. Benjy wanted to know how they got started dating but Robin said they didn't really date. She met him on the show when she did it.
Gary said that her people asked him to get her out of there because she has to go somewhere. He said that they didn't give him an exact time, they just said ''later today'' when he asked them when she had to go to the book signing she had to go to. Howard said he wishes her luck with her book and started to wrap up with her. She got into her book a little more. She said it all leads up to the point when Howard closed the door on her and her son. She was just joking around about that. Robin asked Howard to read her book and let her know what he thinks. He said he'd do that. He wrapped up a short time later and went to break.
Howard told Artie he was out for about 20 minutes. Richard said he didn't mean for him to hit his head. Artie said he's sure he planned it out really well. Artie said that he had a weird dream and it was that Howard had dated Robin Givens. Howard said Artie was really out there for a few minutes. Artie said that every broad he's with has told him that he can really snore. Robin said it wasn't that loud though.
Howard said that Artie really hit his head hard in there. Artie said that was God getting back at him because he once lit an M-80 near a friend of his who had passed out and that's how he woke him up. The Howard TV guys replayed Artie getting woken up with the air horn and Artie laughed his ass off when he saw it. The guys all got a few more laughs out of that. Artie said it was pretty funny and he wondered what that face was that he was making when it happened. Howard told Artie he's not going to have fun like that in Italy.
Artie said that he looks so grotesque when they showed it in slow motion. Artie said that he hit his head pretty good but he's not bleeding or anything. Howard checked him out to make sure that he hadn't cut himself. Richard asked Artie if he wanted a bag of ice. Artie figured it would have cum in it if he did take it. Howard said he had to see that clip one more time before they put it up on Howard TV. Howard had to do his commercials so he got back to that a short time later.
Howard said that it was kind of fun that she was in jail and it kind of sucks that she's out. Howard said maybe Mike Walker knows something about that. He tried to get him on but wasn't able to get him on. He figured that Scott the Engineer didn't do his job again. He asked him if he had switched Mike over. He said that he and Will both forgot to remind each other about it.
Will came in and told Scott not to blame him for his bullshit. He should know that they do this at 9:30 in the morning. Howard said that he looks like an idiot when he goes to Mike and he's not there. He asked what the process is so he can know what to do from now on. Howard said that he should know what to do every week. Howard said that Mike was supposed to be there but when Scott went to the ISDN line, Mike wasn't there. Scott said he was supposed to call the engineering department to get Mike through. Howard was confused and didn't understand why that was. Scott said that Mike wasn't connected. He said that he has to call the engineering department, again. He said he called late.
Howard said they could do this without Mike because Fred has so many audio clips of him. Fred played a bunch of Mike Walker drops but Howard gave up on that and took a call from a guy who claims that he had spoken to Paris Hilton last night and he had a whole story on a HowardShrine.net which was just a way to get in a plug for the web site. Howard told the guy to just plug his site from now on and called him an asshole after hanging up on him.
Howard was talking to Robin about that stuff and her Mr. X was brought up so Howard played a new song parody from this guy Goody Dickman called ''How Long Was Mr. X's Schlong.'' They got a few laughs out of that before Howard got back to Dr. Roni asking her about Robin's diet. Howard was wondering if she and Robin had something going on between them but they both said they didn't. Howard asked Robin if she had pleasured herself in the house with Dr. Roni living there. Robin asked why he would ask that so they took that as a ''yes.'' Howard told Dr. Roni she works hard for that money and it would be hot if they were both doing that stuff in the house. Robin said she wasn't going to say if she was doing it or not.
Howard had Robin drink up and said that's some scene Robin has going on over there. She's going to be spending the weekend with Dr. Roni. She said she'll be going for walks and getting wrapped among other things. Howard had Jon Hein get back to his show preview. Jon mentioned some of the Robin Givens stuff they'll be talking about. They ended up talking about Robin for a couple of minutes before Jon could get back to his show preview. Jon quickly ran down a couple of other things they'll be covering.
Mutt from Superfan Roundtable said they'll be talking about Robin's new diet on the show tonight. Howard let him go a short time later and moved on to Mike Walker.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard came back a short time later and said that Sam Simon was there saying hello. He wanted to wrap up the show though so he said goodbye to him and then asked Robin what had happened with her. Robin said that she didn't understand why she had to go so bad but there was nothing there to hold it back anymore. She said that quite a bit came out and it was quite embarrassing. She said there were people in the bathroom so it was kind of embarrassing. Howard asked Dr. Roni what was going on there and figured that she'd say that she was releasing toxins and stuff. Robin said there was quite a bit of gas coming out while that was going on too. She said it was very embarrassing.
Howard had Robin get back to her news so they could get out of there. He said that Artie had to get to that autograph signing. Howard said that someone had secretly taped Robin in the bathroom but when he went to play the clip the guys had given him the wrong information so he didn't bother playing it.
Robin covered a few more stories and then Howard ended the show around 11:10am. He congratulated Artie on his Letterman appearance and also wished Robin luck with her coffee enema that she'd be doing over the weekend.
Howard started off the show talking about the studio being filled with people. They had Al Pacino's baby (comedian Craig Gass) as a special guest this morning. He's 6 weeks old and speaking like a full grown adult. He said his sister is at home this morning. Howard said the baby is in this morning to talk to Roger Ebert about the movies later in the morning. Baby asked if Howard minded if he spits up because he got a mouth full of bad breast milk this morning.
Howard talked about some of the other guests they had coming in this morning. He talked about that stuff for a short time and also talked about his Q rating that he learned about yesterday from Ratso. As he was talking about that Howard mentioned that Ron Zimmerman was in once again this morning. He spoke to him about all of the suicide attempts he's had in his life. Zimmerman said he had quite a few and failed at all of them, obviously. Howard said that he'd take pills and then lay out in front of his girlfriend's house and stuff like that. Ron tried to kill himself in front of a train too but he chickened out and tried to run and got hit in the side breaking his ribs.
Howard got back to Craig Gass who did an amazing impression of Crazy Cabbie agreeing with Howard during a conversation. You'd think that Cabbie was in the studio with him. He had his ''Right!?'' and ''Exactly!'' down perfectly. Gass then did an impression of Christopher Walken doing Crazy Cabbie that was also pretty funny.
Howard moved on to talk about ''Survivor'' host Jeff Probst and MTV VJ Carson Daly for a couple of minutes. He was talking about how Probst really doesn't do much other than telling the people who get voted out that ''the tribe has spoken'' and he figures that he's going to be dating Elizabeth Hurley in a few months. He also said that Carson Daly is the same thing and he doesn't get why he's famous.
''Craigy Cabbie'' was still in character so he was doing more impressions of Cabbie talking about Pantera kicking ass. Howard mentioned that there was an article in the paper about how the word ''titty bar'' was allowed on network TV. Howard said that even he's allowed to say it which is kind of surprising. Howard then started talking about the real Cabbie and how wacky his really is. Howard said Cabbie went to rehab and when he came back he was afraid he was going to get fired. The people at the station liked him and brought him back to do his own show. He came in and started playing ''Pantera'' which isn't on the station's play list so they threatened to fire him. Howard said Cabbie he was all paranoid that he was going to get fired. The people at the station can't trust him now. ''Craigy Cabbie'' was a dead on perfect impersonation. Gass got every part of Cabbie down perfect and talked to Howard as if he were him for a short time.
Howard got back to Carson Daly and how he's getting his own network radio program. He's such a big talent that he's going to be syndicated right away which Howard seems to think is ridiculous. He read an article about the guy and said that even the reporters aren't sure what to say about him.
Howard and the guys talked about ''Survivor'' for a couple of minutes trying to figure out who might win. They were all trying to figure out who might win.
Howard decided to have a Dueling Crackhead Self Destructive People thing between the two Cabbies. The two of them said a couple of words each as the dueling banjo music played in the background. It's hard to tell the difference.
Howard said that Larry King did an hour long special on the death of Morton Downey Jr. Howard played some tape of Mort's wife getting very upset as she described how he died when he went into cardiac arrest. Howard thinks that when he dies he should be getting tons of network coverage if Downey gets that much time on Larry King
Extreme fan Bobo called in and told Howard how great ''Son of the Beach'' was on Tuesday. He mentioned how hot the Rucy Rue character was. Howard said that he met her out in California and she really is hot. He thinks he could have slept with her but he decided not to. Robin read part of an article about the show that said he got pretty good ratings on it's season premiere. They went to break a short time after that.
Howard explained how they had this guy on the phone who claimed to be Jerry Lewis. The guy told Howard what he thinks of his show but Howard didn't let him talk much. Howard and Jerry went at it for a couple of minutes arguing about nonsense. Jerry said he hates Howard's show but also said he's never heard it. He was also calling Robin names like porch monkey and Aunt Jemima. When she'd talk he'd call her more names. He was also making jokes about female comedians just like the real Jerry Lewis does.
Craig Gass went into character as Sam Kinison and goofed on Jerry for a minute. Howard eventually wrapped up the Jerry Lewis call and spoke to Sam for a couple of minutes.
Ron Zimmerman also shared a story about getting beat up by Sam when he worked on the FOX show that Sam starred in. Sam and his brother Bill came into his office and beat him up because he'd hired Bill Maher to appear on the show.
Chaunce Hayden also called in and said that Sam and Bill beat him up one time because he wrote a negative article about Sam. He said it was an honor to have been beaten up by Sam though.
Jessica Hahn then called in and told Howard that she almost cried when she heard Sam's voice on the radio. She started thinking about the old days when they dated. She also reminisced about the time she cleaned up his crap from a hotel room floor. Sam was wasted and crapped on the floor and Jessica cleaned it up and put the dirty towels and stuff out in the hall.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to KC about going to see Henry Rollins in concert recently. KC said he had taken notes and all they said were ''he's brilliant.'' KC had trouble remembering exactly what it was that he liked about him though. KC wanted to run off to get his notes so Howard let him do that. KC came back in and told the guys about some of the subjects that Henry was talking about that he enjoyed. Howard said he had to take a break and kicked KC out of there.
Howard asked the two of them if they think Rex Reed is a legitimate movie reviewer. Roger tried to avoid answering but Roeper didn't. He said that he doesn't think Reed was ever a serious movie reviewer. Roger eventually said that he didn't like the way Reed always related people and movies to food. He did kiss his ass about his celebrity interviews though.
Howard also asked the two of them their opinions on Leno and Letterman. Roger said that he thinks Letterman is a better interviewer.
Howard also asked them about the new rule of 45 seconds to make your acceptance speech on the Oscars. Howard thinks it's ridiculous. Roeper and Ebert think the same thing. Howard used Julia Roberts as an example. She's really hard to get interviews with and now if she wins, she'll be off the stage in 30 seconds or so. Howard also wondered why Julia does such crappy films like ''The Mexican''. Ebert and Roeper didn't think that it was that bad though. They said she's just so likeable that people will go to see any piece of crap she's in.
Adam Sandler was another example. Howard asked why his last movie flopped. Ebert thinks that the young audience is just fed up with him and he's too old for that stuff now. Craig Gass did a good Sandler impression for the two guests. Ebert said that his Al Pacino was spot on too so he did some more of that for them.
Roeper is apparently getting some hot chicks now that he's kind of famous so Howard spent some time talking about that. He also tried to talk to Ebert about women but he stays pretty quiet.
Howard took a phone call from some nut who played part of the ''Exorcist'' movie where they added a new scene called ''The spider walk''. The guy said it didn't make any sense to him. The whole phone call made no sense to Howard. Ebert told him that it was a scene added by the writer and a lot of people were upset about it. Ebert said they should make the scenes available on DVD but leave the original movie the way it was. Howard then mentioned colorization of black and white movies and how he enjoys it. Ebert doesn't like it and thinks that they should be left black and white. Howard thinks it brings in a new audience but Ebert said that's not true.
Kelsey Grammer called in during the interview to promote the movie ''15 Minutes'' in which he has a part. Howard, who loves to make fun of Kelsey's wife's irritable bowel syndrome, had Fred playing fart sounds through most of the phone call. Kelsey was kind of quiet but Howard kept it going. He said he couldn't hear it but eventually asked Howard to stop it. Howard still wouldn't get off the subject of Camille's problem though. Howard then kissed Kelsey's ass a bit by telling him how good he was in ''15 Minutes''. He said he didn't think about his TV character Frasier once during his scenes. Howard thinks that means he's a great actor. Howard got back to the IBS and even spoke to Camille for a minute. She told him some of the symptoms of her IBS and tried to straighten out his misconceptions.
After Kelsey's call Howard wrapped up the interview with Ebert and Roeper. He read some of their top 10 movie picks and pondered why they picked some of them.
Howard asked Henry about his messed up childhood but he said it was just a normal dysfunctional childhood. He didn't talk much about it. Howard said that weight lifting is what helped Henry out with his problems and he's in great shape now. Howard asked him what he's doing wrong because he works out himself but he's got no muscles to speak of. Henry told him he needs a trainer. Howard has one. Howard then had Henry go through the food that he eats and how he works out. Henry said he eats a MetRx bar in the morning, then some fruit later on. He then eats a can of tuna for lunch with some fresh orange juice. He doesn't eat any bread or pasta. He told Howard he just eats a bunch of small meals a day instead of one big one. Howard said that Karen Carpenter ate more than Henry and he's got huge muscles. He gets his aerobic work out while rehearsing with his band.
Henry told Howard that he's 40 years old and he doesn't freak out about it at all. He said he's letting his hair go gray and it doesn't bother him. He said he didn't want to dye it or anything like that.
Howard moved on to ask Henry why he's been banned from the Tonight Show. Henry thinks that it's because of one time he was on with Kathy Ireland. He said she knows nothing about workouts but she had her own workout tape. He ended up smashing it on Jay Leno's desk and that might have been the reason for not being asked back on. He also yelled out something during a Simple Minds performance on the same show. Henry went on to bad mouth Bono from U2 and Sting as well as Sting's wife.
Last night Henry did a special show where he just spoke for 3 hours. KC, his biggest fan, was there and took notes. Howard mentioned a part where Henry apparently talked about taking Viagra, standing in front of a mirror and crying. Henry stopped Howard halfway through it. He said he's never done that and he didn't say he did it. He explained how he talked about Viagra and getting e-mail about it but he never tried it. He ended up goofing on KC and told him to get it right next time. KC was honored to have been scolded by his hero. KC got a few other things wrong in his notes so Henry had to explain all of them also.
Howard took a few phone calls for Henry and there were a few guys who said they'd like to beat Henry's ass. He doesn't care about those calls so he just let them vent.
Crazy Cabbie called in and said he met Henry back in 1997 at some concert. He said that Henry was kind of uptight and wondered if he's that way all the time. Henry said he used to have problems with fans trying to pick fights with him so he's kind of stand-offish with them sometimes. He said he's not the tough guy that some people think he is.
Gary Garver called in and said that he saw Henry on ''Unsolved Mysteries'' one time. His roommate and good friend was killed by some unknown assailants and they never found out who they were. Henry then told Howard the scary story about how he was held up outside of his apartment in Venice, California. He said that a few days before that Rick Rubin had come over in his Rolls Royce. He thinks that his crackhead neighbors saw the car and figured there must be some good stuff to steal from his house. He and his friend were coming back from shopping when they were confronted by these two guys. They held guns to them and walked them to the house. Henry opened the door, walked in and set the groceries down and the next thing he heard were gun shots. When the shots stopped he ran like hell out the back of the house to call cops at a neighbor's house. His friend was killed. He said that the next day the cops had him stand where he had been standing. They showed him that one bullet missed him by an inch and the other one missed by 2 inches.
Howard also heard that Henry had saved his friend's brain in a Tupperware container. Henry said that he had dug up some of the soil where his friend's head hit the dirt and did save it. It was a very creepy story.
Howard said they never got around to talking about this list that Ron had sent to him. It was a list of celebrities who never had to work to get women and Ron was upset about it. Howard got him started and they went through a bunch of the people he'd mentioned. That got everyone in on the discussion. Here are some of the guys that never have to work to get women:
Howard and the guys went through a bunch of other good looking guys trying to figure out if they needed to work to get chicks. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
Robin went through a bunch of other stories with Ron Zimmerman and Craig Gass sitting in and commenting on them. They had some fun goofing on Steven Seagal for a while after playing some audio clips of him during one story. They goofed on Julia Roberts and Kate Hudson a bit as well. Robin finished up and Howard ended the show around 11:00am (Master Tape Theatre time).