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| Wednesday | Thursday |
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| Friday | |
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Howard started off the show in the middle of a conversation. He claimed that he hadn't left the chair since Thursday morning. He went on to play some tapes that had been on his desk for quite a while. The first thing he played was a Baba Booey song to the tune of ''The Price Is Right'' theme song in honor of Bob Barker retiring. They even had a Baba Booey bumper to the tune of the loser sound effect they use on The Price is Right. Howard said they should play that one any time that Gary makes a mistake on the show. He told Gary to come in and say something wrong so they could use it. Gary said he couldn't think of anything to say wrong but the day was young.
Howard said Gary walked in earlier and asked him if he had given him a copy of Michael Moore's new movie. When Howard said that he didn't get one, Gary said he didn't get any so Howard figured he was covering up his tracks. That led to him playing that new Price is Right bumper.
Gary said that he just couldn't remember if the movie had come in or not, that's why he was asking Howard if he had given him one. They keep track of everything that comes in, he checked it, and it wasn't on the list. Howard played that bumper over and over again for Gary's mistake. Howard wanted Fred to remind him of some of the things that Gary has done wrong that they could use that new clip for. They talked about Gary playing a bit on the Wrap Up Show that he was still thinking of playing on the regular show. Howard did his impression of Gary talking about that and then played the clip again. The guys all thought about Gary's other mistakes and kept playing the new clip over and over.
Artie said the great thing would be if Gary ever failed to put on the welder's mask when a hot chick is in the studio. Howard said that would be good. Robin said she can't wait for Gary to mess up now. Howard said he thinks that Richard made that clip so he thanked him for that.
Howard said he decided he wanted some oatmeal for breakfast the other day and they ended up getting him some shitty oatmeal. They got him some stuff that took too long to cook so he got upset about that and then his parents started arguing about it. His father was telling him that he needed a certain type and his mother was arguing that one type was better than the other. Howard said he tried to get them off of that and asked about something else. His father couldn't get off that subject though and kept talking about it.
Howard said he and his father watched the Mets/Yankees game on Friday night. Artie told him he saw the shitty game. They talked about that series for a short time and Howard said that they weren't able to stay up and watch the whole game so Ben was getting all freaked out that he wasn't going to know what the score was. He said he had to show his father how the internet can help him find that out. He said that he was blown away that he could find that. Then his father asked him what an iPod is. He had to show him what that was.
Howard said his father has always been against technology and they never wanted a DVD player. He said that they now love it and his father has been buying DVDs. Howard said he was going to buy his parents a TiVo but they both said they didn't want any more gadgets.
Howard said that they ran a special last Friday for Father's Day after Mastertape Theatre. He had a guy on the phone who said that it really got to him and he liked hearing that special. Howard took another call from a guy who said that last week's shows may have been the best ever. He said he couldn't wait to listen to them again over the weekend. The guy mentioned the Dr. Keith Ablow thing which led to Artie talking about how he has a session with him later this week. He said that Dr. Ablow called him and set him up with the session. He said that he really seems like a good guy and thinks that should be good. He said this one is going to be free but he didn't feel comfortable not paying him.
Howard got back to his father and said that he wanted to go for a walk on the beach with him. He said his father didn't want to walk bare foot on the beach so his parents ended up arguing about that. He said he never went for that walk because he wanted to keep those shoes on. He said his father is going to be 84 in July and he's kind of frail these days. He said his mother is pretty spry and they're working out during the week. He said his mother was talking about how fast the weeks go by these days. She said that the Monday's just keep rolling by.
Howard said that his father got really negative at one point over the weekend. He was talking about how evil and horrible the world was getting and he said it in front of his 14 year old daughter. Howard's mother told him he has to be positive but he went on talking about all of the negative stuff going on over in the Middle East. Robin told him he should have recorded all of that. He said that it almost turned into a radio show-like discussion there. He said his parents were going back and forth talking about that stuff. He said that he loves that he still gets to be around them and that his parents are still alive. He said he can't imagine life without them.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that he feels the same way about his parents and wondered what he's going to do when they're gone. Howard said he does think about that and he doesn't think he's going to handle it very well when they do pass away. He said that he spends a lot of time with them. King was getting choked up because his mother just had a stroke. Howard said he knows he can't prepare for something like that. King was making all kinds of noise behind Howard so he said he was going to have to hang up on him. Artie said he thought he was installing his Moen faucets or something.
Howard played a clip of Richard's father calling and thanking Richard for the cheesecake he sent to them. He quickly said thanked him for it and got off the phone. The guys talked about how Richard's parents live out on a farm and eat off the land so they must get really excited when they get packaged food like that. Robin said she pictures them like the apes in Planet of the Apes taking the package and banging it on the ground and stuff. She pictured them using it as a Frisbee or something. Howard said they probably put it on as a hat and accidentally discovered that it was cake. They spent a short time talking about what else they could have mistaken that cake for. Howard said that they could have used it as a pillow or something. Artie said he got a great call from his mother that he has to put on tape too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Richard may have gotten the idea for the Price is Right parody songs from Bubba's show because he used some of those clips when he does stuff that he doesn't want people to hear. Another guy called in and told some stories about his father. That got Howard talking more about his father and how he loves reading the New York Times. He said he'd love to get them on the radio more and even had an ISDN line installed in their house so they could do the show from there. He said he can't get a read on them and if they'd want to do it or not though. They tell him that they'd do it ''for him'' but it doesn't seem like they're really into it.
Robin said that it would be great some day when Artie is out sick or something, they could have Howard's parents sit in for him. Artie said that would be great. Howard said that his mother really gets freaked out when things don't go just right for them so it's a nightmare for him.
Artie asked if the scene in Private Parts where his father was yelling at guys was really something that happened. Howard said it wasn't really like that. He said that his father did tell him a story about this guy Symphony Sid who had a problem one time where he fell asleep and Ben did do the thing where he commanded him to get back on the air. He said that his father told him that story, he didn't witness it, so they put that into the movie in a condensed form.
Howard said his father also got to work with Vincent Gardena so he talked about that for a short time. He said his father would try to impress him with that kind of stuff. He said his father would talk about that stuff and when they asked Vincent if he remembered Ben a few years ago, he had no idea who he was.
Howard ended up playing a prank call that Sal made using clips of his mother Ray getting upset about the trip to SIRIUS last year. In the call they have Ray talking about being upset that she wasn't picked up on time as she's talking to a cab company. Howard said that's the reason he doesn't want his parents doing a show, because everything just goes wrong. He wanted to play the actual message she left for him because he doesn't need that aggravation.
Howard played another prank call where the guys used clips of his father to goof on the people on the show. They also had his mother call in and had the hosts of the show all confused. Howard eventually got the clip of his mother's call to him after the nightmare that happened to them when they were supposed to be driven out to the studio to do some stuff but they never sent the car to pick them up. Howard said that's what he's afraid of happening again. He said that she shouldn't even know Tim Sabean's assistant's name but she does. He went on to goof on his mother's voice and goofed on the whole situation for a short time. He was making up the kind of stuff that she could have complained about and used Tim's assistant Jared's name for having done a bunch of things wrong. He and Artie were cracking up talking about that stuff. Howard had to take a break after that.
Howard said that Artie was supposed to buy this shore house last week but it turns out he backed out of that and went for a different house. Artie said that this place is even better than the other one and he loves it so much he thinks that he'd keep it for longer than he'd keep the other place.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he loved that Ben Stern father's day special last week and would love it if they could replay it so he could record it. Howard spent a minute talking about that and then took another call. The caller asked how Sal's father's day went. Howard wasn't sure about that. Robin said that she heard that Sal wasn't going to talk about that on the air anymore. Howard said Sal did say that on the Wrap Up Show last week but then he spent 45 minutes talking about it. He played some clips from that show where Sal was asking to take a pass on the discussion.
Sal had told Jon Hein that he wanted to pass on it but then he went on to talk about how he and his wife discussed it and didn't want to talk about it on the air. He even apologized to his wife and said he didn't want to keep dragging her part into that forum. Howard said he likes that Sal's wife likes her outside relationships kept quiet.
Howard asked Sal how his father's day went. Sal came in a short time later and ended up goofing on Gary for a few seconds. Sal went on to say that his Father's day was ''alright'' but didn't elaborate much on that. Howard asked Sal if he's had sex with his wife since he found out about this emotional friend. Sal said that he has had sex with her once. He didn't have it on Father's day though. Howard said that everyone he's spoken to has said that it's just not going to work out. Sal said he thinks that they'll be able to work things out. He's working really hard at it. He eventually just said it's going like shit so that seemed to make Howard feel better.
Howard said the Howard TV guys had a clip of Gary doing something really dumb so they could use the Baba Booey Price is Right clip. They played a visual clip of Gary making a mistake so Howard goofed on whoever it was that picked that clip to play. Howard said he was shocked that they'd do that to him.
Howard said that Stephen Baldwin has been getting really creepy lately with his preaching. He got all religious and is going out and preaching on the web and stuff. He played a clip of Stephen talking about Paris Hilton. He said that he read that Paris had ''found god'' which got applause from the crowd he was in front of. Stephen goes on to ask people to pray for Paris Hilton because ''the lord'' could use her to spread the word. Stephen said he was claiming Paris for the kingdom of Jesus Christ. He said that anything is possible and then he and some other guy get all creepy with their preaching and keep talking about Paris and what she said to Barbara Walters.
Howard said that Stephen has been getting that act down pretty well. He is an actor after all. He was doing all of that on TBN (Trinity Broadcasting Network).
Artie said that he got this voice mail from his mother that they were putting on the computer for him. He said that he had lost some Yankee tickets that he had set aside for his uncle. He asked his mother to talk to his housekeeper to find out if she had seen them. That led to his mother calling him and telling him that she was going to pray to St. Anthony about it to possibly get him his tickets back. Howard said that Artie is the one who should be praying, not his mother. Artie said that he still hasn't found the tickets and that was a week ago.
Howard got back to the Stephen Baldwin clips and played more of him praying for Paris to be used in the name of Jesus. Howard said he was fascinated with the guy in the background playing the organ. He said he came in at just the right time during the prayer session. Howard also said that it sounds like the people in the room aren't even listening to Stephen. They're all talking like he's not even in the room. Stephen kept going on and on talking about that stuff and was hitting all of the buzz words for the whole Jesus thing.
A caller asked Howard how people in this day and age can follow Jesus Christ. It's all nonsense. Another caller wondered what made Stephen turn like this. Howard said it's because Stephen's movie career wasn't going all that well and his wife was really religious so she probably dragged him to church and he found something he could do.
Lisa also said that they spoke to Billy Joel and his wife at the premiere and they had some nice things to say about Howard and Beth's engagement. That also led to Lisa talking about how there's a web site that's copying Beth's ring. She had one herself and it was only a $40 ring. Howard took a look at it and it really wasn't the right shape. He said that it's not imitated very well. Lisa said the web site is called Emitations.com.
Howard mentioned that Jimmy Fallon was coming in today so he wants to talk to him about how he doesn't seem to be doing all that well with the movies that they've put him in. The guys talked about how great he is on Saturday Night Live and how he could probably get a lot of great TV deals. Howard said that Jimmy will be in later and so could Michael Moore. He went to break after that.
Jimmy said that he's living there in the city and his girlfriend is out in Los Angeles. He said that's been going on for about two and a half years. He goes out to see her about once a month or she comes out there. He said it's actually pretty awesome working it that way. Howard said that he's the only guy he knows that has a relationship like that which actually works.
Jimmy said that his girlfriend was telling him that his TiVo lineup is really gay and she wants him to change it. He said he's got a lot of cooking shows and things on his. Howard said that really is pretty gay. Jimmy talked about how great this girl is and how he never really liked strip clubs or anything like that. He said he went out one time with the owner of a comedy club and he just wanted to leave when the owner was getting boobs in his face and doing coke.
Howard asked Jimmy if he listened to his show when he was a kid. Jimmy said he grew up in a town near Woodstock, New York and they didn't get the show up there. Jimmy was also talking about how his mother found out about a comedy place that was having an impression contest and he did a lot of impressions. Jimmy does an Adam Sandler impression that people really like but he doesn't like to do them over and over again on SNL. Jimmy said he doesn't want to keep doing them every week like some of the cast have done over the years. Howard told him that Jim Breuer used to do Joe Pesci a lot and he loved it every time. Jimmy said he was known as the impression guy on the show but he wanted to do other things. He would change it around trying to do various other things. He said he was known as the impressionists and then the guy who did the news and then the guy who laughs at himself.
Howard asked Jimmy about this impression contest he did. It was up at a Banana's comedy club up in Poughkeepsie, New York. He mentioned he did Jerry Seinfeld so Howard asked him to do it for him. Jimmy did a little bit of his Seinfeld without much material. He did have the impression down though. Jimmy said that he once did an impression of Howard but he didn't even have to say a word before the audience cheered for him. Howard asked him to do the impression of him. Jimmy did it but he sounded more like Johnny Carson to Robin.
Howard heard he does a Pat O'Brien impression too. He said he'd love to hear that because he likes Pat so much. Jimmy said he tries not to hit people when they're down. He did do a little bit of him though. Howard asked him why his mom put him into that contest. He said there wasn't much entertainment up where he lived so she hooked him up with that. He said that he had this troll doll that someone had given him for high school graduation so he took that and made it into a thing for the show where he'd do his impressions of celebrities trying to sell the troll doll. He started to do his impression of Bill Cosby but stopped after two seconds. Howard told him to keep going with it because it was so good. Jimmy said he ended up winning that contest.
Howard asked Jimmy how he ended up on Saturday Night Live. Jimmy said he used to watch the Eddie Murphy years and thought about how great they were. He said he was born in 1974 so his parents used to watch that stuff and he did see some of it. Howard heard that Jimmy dresses up as Artie for Halloween but he actually had his story wrong. He just went to the same party as Artie had. That led to Artie talking about a mutual friend of theirs, Nadia Dajani, who throws a great Thanksgiving eve party that they've gone to. Artie and Jimmy talked about the party and how there are a few other celebrities who show up like Heather Graham and Ethan Hawke.
Howard asked Jimmy if the rumor about him taking over for Conan is true. Jimmy said that he has signed a contract with NBC where he will take over Conan's spot if he leaves. He said that it's a little trickier than that because they actually won't let him do late night shows anywhere else. In the mean time, they're paying him to wait for that. He said that they need the next person to replace Conan. He said he actually substituted for Letterman one time and it was really tough. He said that he interviewed Kristanna Loken and thought that she had taken some marital arts stuff but she said no to that and talked about taking mime classes. He said that the pre-interviewer must have just slacked off that day and figured since Dave was on vacation that he'd be on vacation.
Artie said that Jimmy also hosted the MTV Awards one year and did a good job with that. Howard asked him how he got on SNL again so jimmy said he was doing a lot of comedy shows around the New York area and it wasn't all that much fun. He said he had given his friend a head shot and a tape and told him to show some people when he went out to L.A. To do work in the music business. He was discovered after that friend passed the tape along to someone. They thought he was great and hooked him up.
Howard asked if it was true that he was going to do a movie with Jessica Alba. Jimmy said that's not happening and he should get that removed from IMDB. Howard asked Jimmy if he's friends with Adam Sandler. Jimmy said that he's the nicest guy in the world. Howard went on to ask him to do the impression so Jimmy did some of that for him. He said that he had gone in to do an interview at SNL one time and they told him that Lorne Michaels wasn't going to laugh at anything he did, that's just the way he is. Jimmy said that there were a bunch of guys who told him the same thing over and over again.
Jimmy said there was a guy ahead of him who walked into the interview with a keyboard and a bag of wigs. He figured he couldn't follow him. He said he went in and did his thing and when he did his Adam Sandler impression, Lorne actually laughed. He said that was a great moment for him. Howard asked him what happened to the guy with the wigs. Jimmy said that guy is working at the Stardust Diner now.
Howard asked Jimmy about this song he has out now. Jimmy said he wanted to do something for the troops and he has no idea about politics and wasn't even sure if he voted in the last election. He said the last vote he remembers was voting for Ross Perot. He went on to say that if you buy this new song of his off of iTunes, a portion of the proceeds goes to a charity that benefits injured troops.
Jimmy brought up this song that Howard's father imitated back when they were doing recording sessions when Howard was a kid. Jimmy said it's a weird song but every time he hears it he thinks about Howard liking it because his father used to sing it. They got back to the song that Jimmy sings which is called ''Car Wash For Peace.'' Jimmy said that the song is really serious so he'd prefer it if everyone didn't laugh. He was kidding of course. He went on to sing the song live for the guys. He had Howard and Artie singing with him a little bit.
Howard asked Jimmy if he ever went nuts with his power and fame after getting on SNL. Jimmy said he did get into the drug thing but didn't get addicted. He said he did get laid a lot though. Howard gave him some plugs for his song and said that you can get it through iTunes. He wrapped up with him a short time later. Jimmy said he loves that he has SIRIUS now and that he has the show to listen to. Jimmy mentioned Fred's name change and also brought up Kenneth Keith Kallenbach and how he has an impression show that's really bad. He said that he should really stick to blowing smoke out of his eyes.
Howard mentioned that Michael Moore was going to be in and that led to Jimmy mentioning that he saw him on Letterman the other night and it wasn't all that great. Jimmy said that Artie kills on that show every time though.
Howard took a call from Kenneth Keith Kallenbach who asked Jimmy if he got his sketch comedy. Howard told Ken that Jimmy likes it better when he blows smoke out of his eyes and hung up on him a few seconds later. He went to break after that.
Howard read that Nicole Richie might be pregnant according to the paper today. He quickly changed the subject and said he saw that Dr. Roni was back today. Robin said that she can't get rid of them, they've been with her for two weeks now and now they're on the third week. Robin said she hasn't had any solid food in over two weeks now. Howard asked her how she was feeling about it. Robin said ''It's fine!'' and said that things are just fine over at her house when she stays there. Howard asked her if she would prefer that she wasn't staying at her house. Robin said that things are going just fine and she likes getting the infrared treatments done. She's also still learning to do some other things.
Howard's father called in and told him that the Vincent Gardena story that he told earlier wasn't right. He said that he didn't work with him, he met him at some club. He wanted to make sure he got that story straight. He went on to talk about Billy Graham because he did some work with him years ago. He quickly told that story and then Howard was going to let him go. Robin asked him about Symphony Sid though so Ben explained that story. Ben said that Sid was on heroin at one point and he started to bang on the glass of the booth and he gave his ''By the power vested in me by the FCC...'' speech and got him to calm down and get back on the air.
Howard went on to talk about how Michael's new movie is about some workers from the 9/11 cleanup and he shows that people in Cuba are getting better health care down there than they are here. Sean Hannity went off on Moore saying that he hates America and points out some things that make him think that Moore hates the country. Howard said that it's like you can't criticize the country over anything without these guys like Hannity thinking that you hate the country. Howard said that the government is more worried about the merger between XM and SIRIUS than they are about health care.
Howard had the guys bring Michael Moore in while he was talking about the health care thing. Howard then brought up this new movie of Michael's called ''Sicko'' and talked about some of the things that go on in the movie. They have one story about this guy who lost two fingers and the hospital told him that it would cost $12,000 to put back one finger and $60,000 to put the other one back on. He had to chose just one. Meanwhile, up in Canada, a guy lost five fingers and they were able to put all five back on. Michael said that the guy who lost the two fingers had to choose because they were going to have to bring in a surgeon from another area while the other finger was a little easier to attach. Howard said that must be heart breaking because the guy has to live without a finger just because he didn't have health insurance. Michael said that there are about 47 million people in this country who don't have health care.
Howard asked Michael about how he's treated by some of the newspapers around where they make him look disgusting and vile. He wondered if he fears for his life because he's hated so much. Michael said yes and no to that question. He said that he's not sure why he's so hated because in one movie he talks about how he would like less school shootings. In another movie he asks for President Bush to make sure there are actually weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. He said that he's gotten quite a fan base over the years but there are still people who dislike him a lot.
Howard asked Michael if he feels that he has to come through and make a ton of money with these movies. Michael said he doesn't feel any pressure, he just makes them and hopes that people go to see them. Howard said he's hated as well but it seems like it's 10 times worse for Michael. Michael said that the more fans you have, the more crazy the haters get.
Howard asked Michael if he feels that he has to dress up in the baseball cap and jeans and not ride in a limo. He said he actually doesn't give a fuck and doesn't care about riding in a limo. Robin said they print stories about him demanding limos and stuff and Gary said there was one story where they said Moore walked 3 blocks to get into his limo so people wouldn't see him getting into it. Michael laughed and said that the part about walking 3 blocks proves it's not true.
Howard asked Michael if he's going to fat camp or something like that. Michael said that he's been eating healthier and has lost about 30 pounds over the past few months. That led to the guys talking to Robin about her diet and dieting in general. Michael said that he's found that you should eat foods that are heavy in weight but light in calories. He said that oatmeal and potatoes are good examples. He said that he eats a couple of potatoes a day and they're only 100 calories each. He said you also have to get up and move around instead of just sitting around.
Howard said that Artie is having weight problems and has been having issues with having sex. He asked Michael if he's had those kinds of problems. Michael said he didn't want to go there but he's been with the same woman for 25 years now so they don't really have any problems.
Howard said that the government is now investigating Michael because he went down to Cuba to shoot his movie and he shouldn't have gone there. That led to Michael talking about what a bunch of idiots we have running the government because back in World War II this country was able to defeat the Nazis and Italians in less time than it's taking to secure the road from Baghdad to the airport over there. He talked about what a mess the war has turned out to be.
Michael went on to say that he never went to Cuba, he went to Gitmo (Guantanamo Bay) and found out about the health care down there. He said that he loaded some people on a boat and sailed right into Gitmo to demand that they get the same health care that the prisoners are getting there. Howard wondered why people are attacking Michael over this whole thing and if he can really go to jail over this. Michael said that he is being threatened with that and explained what they're going to use against him. He said that they may try to confiscate the film before it comes out because of these laws he may have broken in some way. He has sent a copy to some friends up in Canada though just in case.
Howard told Michael that they have this guy working there who is a big fan of the FOX news guys so they may talk to him. Scott DePace came in a short time later and said he really doesn't have a lot to say to him. He said that a lot of the things that Michael says drives him crazy. He asked Michael what he thinks they should do about the guy who lost his two fingers, just give that to him for free? Moore said yes to that. Then they talked about how the Iraq war was just so we could get the oil from that country. Scott disagrees with that and wondered if they think that President Bush thinks about killing all of those people over there just to get oil. Howard said that he didn't think it through and didn't expect it to be so hard.
Michael asked Scott a question and gave him an example of how if that same man who lost his fingers house caught fire, he wouldn't have to pay to have it put out by the fire department. Scott said that isn't the same thing. Scott said that he's not against a health care program like they're talking about but it's going to cost some people a lot of money. Scott said that he doesn't think that people should be able to get a million dollar heart operation for free. The guys went back and forth on that stuff with Scott arguing with Howard and Michael about everything they brought up.
Gary came in and said that they have some voice mails from fans who are claiming to cancel their accounts because Michael is on. One woman claimed that she was cancelling her ''Sy-rus'' account because Moore is a traitor. Howard said he's never heard of someone calling SIRIUS ''SYRUS'' before so he doesn't even believe she has it.
Scott and Michael went over a few stories arguing with each other before Howard told Scott to get out of there. He was going to take some phone calls after that. One of the callers was Ralph who said that Scott being in there for a half hour shows how unimportant his job is as director. He also went on to say that there is a lot wrong with the health care system and pointed out how hard it is to get your claims taken care of. Another caller said that Michael only shows one point of view in his movies so Howard defended him saying that he's just showing his side of the story and that's the way he does things.
One caller said that there are groups out there who tell their people to call SIRIUS to tell them that they're cancelling their accounts and that's why the woman didn't know the name of SIRIUS and called in ''Syrus.'' Howard said the guy is probably right because the woman didn't sound like a listener to him. He took another call from a guy who said he lost a couple of fingers years ago and he had to sign a waiver saying that they only had to put on the most important ones. Howard said that they should have put them all back on, not just the most important ones. Michael said that they can keep the fingers on ice for days and there's not even a big rush to get them back on so it's not a matter of time, it's just money.
Howard took a call from Hanzi who was calling from Canada. He wanted to commend Michael for the work he's done. He was going on a little long so Howard hung up on him. Another caller said that Michael is the most anti-American person he's ever seen. He said that he thought that his movie Fahrenheit 9/11 and it was a bunch of bullshit. Michael pointed out that he went to the Walter Reed hospital 3 years ago and pointed out how horribly they're being treated there and they're just now coming around and noticing just how bad it is.
Howard asked Michael how Letterman treated him when he was on. He said he was great and he loves Dave. Howard asked him if his daughter wants to be a filmmaker like her dad. Michael said she has no desire to do that. Howard wrapped up with him and
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he wanted to thank them for the Howard TV shows and also mentioned the Steve the Intern song that he played last week. Howard didn't like it but Artie said he kind of liked it more than Howard and Robin did. Howard had asked him to recut the song but he didn't think he had done it.
A woman called in and asked for a couple of moments with Fred so Fred played his ''Fred, Fred, Fred, Fred'' theme song. Howard then went to Fred who said that he thinks that Michael Moore is one of the best guests they have on the show. Howard asked him which finger he would choose if he had to pick the middle or index. Fred said he'd keep the index, the middle finger would have to go. That was it for a couple moments with Fred. They played the Fred theme song and the woman said she appreciated that. Howard said he likes to see what Fred has to say and now he doesn't have to talk to him for the rest of the day.
Artie admitted that he's a degenerate. Richard said he is too apparently and he will pay the ticket no problem. It's $50. Howard said that Richard must have been really sloshed to have to do that.
Howard moved on and played a clip from the news where a guy brings up a story about air guitarists and then says that he's seen one of the other guys on the news team play the skin flute but not the air guitar. Howard said he's pretty sure that guy has no idea what the skin flute is. It's a cock and he doesn't think the guy who told the joke knew what he was saying. Artie said he thinks that maybe he just had bad judgment.
Howard said he had another clip from ESPN that he played last week where a guy said something kind of weird about his hands being soft and then says that was a little bit gay. There were a few seconds of silence from the other broadcaster after that. Howard played another clip where this guy told another guy ''you always fag out'' when he was talking to another guy. Artie said that the guy probably won't get hassled over it.
Artie said he has a problem with Steve and something he said about him during a news cast. He was talking about something he had said about Sam Simon and mentioned that it ''happens all the time'' with him. Artie didn't know what he was talking about. Steve said that Sam didn't know what he was talking about when he asked him if he was going to run his show if he gets the Saturday night thing. Steve said something about that kind of thing happening all the time but Artie said that's not true. He wanted some examples but Steve didn't really have any.
Steve got back to his news preview and mentioned they'd have a story about Michael Moore and another story about Miss Howard TV being in a video for Barack Obama. Steve wrapped up with that a short time later. They watched the video that Steve mentioned during that news rundown. Howard said he thinks she was hired to do that video. Howard told Artie he should try to get a date with her. He felt like she was grossed out by him though. That led to Howard bringing in the new Miss Howard TV who was there to tape.
The new Miss Howard TV came in and Howard sounded very impressed with her look. Artie said she was the hottest chick they've ever had up there. She was wearing lingerie. Howard asked how old she was but she didn't want to say. She said she is in a movie. Howard told her she looks kind of like Pocahontas in her outfit. Artie asked her to spin around and was impressed by that. She said that she's a dancer, but not a stripper. Artie asked her if she'd get nude in his new media room at the new house he's buying. She said that she's actually dancing for the rap guy Daddy Yankee. She's going to be dancing out on the road with him.
Artie said that he had already forgotten about the last Miss Howard TV after seeing this chick. Artie said that he was probably going to jerk off to this chick by 2 o'clock this afternoon and couldn't believe that Jon Hein would never do that. Jon said he thinks she's beautiful but he just doesn't do that. Howard played her some rap music and asked her to dance for them. She did that and showed how good she can dance. Howard asked her if she's ever done any lesbian stuff with chicks. She said that she has kissed other girls. Howard eventually asked her what her name was and found out it was Desiree Valverde.
Artie asked Desiree if she would take ten grand to have sex with him. She said it would have to be like a million. She wasn't going to take the ten grand so Artie bumped it up to twenty. She still wasn't going for it. Then he bumped it up to $30,000. She said she'd have to ask her boyfriend who was out in the green room. She said she'd ask him so the guys brought him in. His name was Kelly and when Artie saw him, he told her to forget it. Howard asked Kelly if he would stand in the way of something like that. He said that wasn't a lot of money so he didn't think it was that great. He's been dating Desiree for 3 years now. He asked Desiree if she's into black men only. She said that she's into whoever she likes. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Kelly about his choreographer job.
Howard took a call from Bong Hit Eric who said that he wanted to stick up for Richard because it was his idea to bring beer on the train. Howard didn't let him say much more than that before moving on to Jon Hein. Howard mentioned that he didn't get to bang Beth over the weekend because she was on her period. He said that he'd do her during that but she won't let him. He said that he's still horny every minute and has a boner all the time, even after sex he gets one.
Artie said that he once pulled a tampon out of a chick because he was so into her. He said he can get pretty aggressive with a chick. He said that he pulled it out and it ended up on the floor. He said that he met this chick at a bar and she was doing stuff with him like blowing him. He said that they were also in the shower and in the bath together. Howard told him he should have written his name in blood on her stomach with the dirty tampon. Artie said that was probably the grossest thing he's ever done with a chick. He said he's never really wanted to have anal with chicks. He said he loves a chick's ass but he has no desire to put anything in anyone's ass. Howard said he always feels like he's poking back a turd so he doesn't like it that much either. He said one chick took him and put him in her ass as easy as he'd go into her vagina. He said he loved it that time. Artie said he did a chick who had some Ben-Wah balls in her ass while he was fuckin' her though. He said that was hot. He said she was a hooker though.
Howard said he heard that Jon Hein had tried to have anal sex with his wife one time. Jon said it didn't go well so they didn't succeed. Howard had him give his Wrap Up Show preview after that. Jon said they'll talk about Michael Moore's visit and Jimmy Fallon's visit. That led to Howard talking about that sweet deal that Jimmy has where NBC is paying him to wait for Conan O'Brien's job to open up. Jon said that they'll also talk about Howard's dad's call to the show.
Artie was blaming his schedule for not being able to lose the weight so Howard told him that he'd have Robin do her news so they could get him out of there.
While Robin was going through some of her news Artie mentioned that Isaac from Howard TV was working really close with the new Miss Howard TV. He said her boyfriend was hovering over her and that must drive Isaac nuts. They talked about how long the guys can spend working with those girls when they're as hot as last month's Miss Howard TV.
Robin wrapped up her news around 11:05am. Howard let Artie get in some plugs for his upcoming comedy show gigs and then ended the show after mentioning that they had Pam Anderson and Fran Drescher coming in tomorrow.
Howard started off the show talking about the Scott and Todd show on WPLJ in New York City. He said they claim to be the longest running show in New York City even though he says that they've been around longer.
Howard also had to complain about his headphones whistling this morning. He asked Scott to come in and tell him what he did yesterday. Scott said he didn't touch anything and he doesn't know of anyone touching it after the show. Howard said he hopes that they don't have too many people messing around with his stuff. Scott wasn't sure why his headphones were doing what they were doing. Howard thought that someone had touched his stuff after the show.
Scott said that if anyone does touch something, they're supposed to come and tell him. Howard asked him to back it off just a smidge. He said things were perfect yesterday but not this morning. He told Scott to do what he had to and just do it a ''cunt hair.'' Scott went over and did his thing and tweaked the microphone. Howard asked him to leave after he realized that his headphones weren't squealing as bad as they were.
Howard got back to the Scott and Todd story. They claim to have been on the air for 16 years together but Robin and Howard were on K-Rock for 20 years... and they're still working together. Howard read through the story and some of the dumb things they've done on their show. Howard said that he never hears anyone talking about those guys and he wouldn't have known anything about them without David Hinkley who wrote that story. He said that the guys are calling their show the Sweet 16 show which he seemed to think was kind of gay.
Howard read that John Bon Jovi is going to be playing for them. Howard figured he has to do that to get his album played over there. Howard said he saw Scott Shannon out at a party one time and figured he'd embrace his radio career and talk to the guy. He said he couldn't miss him because he's got a huge head. He said he may have been pulled back a little bit but he's really not sure that's the case. He looked kind of feminine and almost Chinese. Howard asked Tim Sabean to come in and tell him if they have any ratings there in New York. Gary said he wasn't in yet.
Howard went on to talk about the Scott and Todd thing. They claim that the show isn't going to be music based, because the show is more about the personalities. He read about Scott Shannon's theory on what the audience likes and how they want to know a little bit about each of the personalities on the show.
Howard said that he can see that in 3 years, when his contract is up, he's not going to want to talk anymore. He figures he'll be done at that time.
Howard read more about Scott and Todd and figured he had to listen to their show after reading about all of the stuff they don't talk about. They don't talk about a lot of stuff so he wondered how they do a show. Artie said that he'd never last in an environment like that.
After reading all of that stuff he said that they're not the longest running radio show in New York. The Howard Stern Show is the longest running show. Howard and Robin have been on since 1982 so they're on their 25th year in New York. Howard read the line where they say that they're the longest running consecutive radio show in New York. Howard said that they're idiots because all they have to celebrate is a lie. They had a 20th anniversary over at K-Rock so this is a bunch of crap. Howard said he's never seen so much positive press for other radio shows from anyone other than David Hinkley. He said the guy must really hate him to write all of this stuff.
Howard said he's pretty sure they beat those guys even now. He said that Hinkley would always write negative articles about his show when they would drop just a tenth of a point. These days he doesn't see any ratings reports.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that those guys rip off shows like WKRP in Cincinnati because they did a turkey thing on that show. Howard said that was a little different. They had turkeys in their studio, they didn't drop them from a helicopter. Robin and Artie kept talking about how they were the longest running show in New York, even if they just wanted to talk about them being on terrestrial radio. They were on K-Rock for 20 years alone.
The caller also told Howard that he thinks that Sal and his wife won't last through this thing they're going through right now. Howard said that it is kind of rough when Sal's wife is sending messages to another guy where she's saying she loves him with her secret code ''143.'' That led to Howard playing the Bleeding Deacons latest song parody which was called ''143'' and about Sal's wife. Artie said it seems that those guys have it in for Sal. Howard said he admires Sal for trying to save his marriage the way he is. He said he's not going to bust his balls about that. Robin said she spoke to him off the air about that. Howard said he's not going to go that far.
The caller said that he found this tape of an announcer using the characters from Howard's show in his race calling at the Meadowlands. As the guy was playing the tape Howard wondered why he didn't hang up on the guy earlier. The guys talked about how that guy goes off on a lot of tangents and just keeps talking.
Bobo called in and talked about Scott Shannon and said he thinks that his face is pulled back. Bobo also wanted to talk about Howard's mansion but Howard didn't want to go there and told Bobo they should talk about his toupee and hung up on him. Howard said he can't be left alone to live his life. He's building a house but he doesn't need everyone talking about where it's located. He knows that it's fascinating to see where people live though. He said that they have Bubba's house in a special Cribs show on Howard TV. A phone caller said he saw that show and saw Bubba talking about how he spends a lot of time cleaning his guns in his special gun room. Howard said that he should clean his guns more often because he never does.
Howard talked about how nuts Bubba is after saying he heard from a guy that he'd tried to get into professional wrestling. He said that he's pretty sure that the guy is certifiably nuts. The caller said that he'd like to see Robin's house next on Cribs. Artie said that they asked him to do a Cribs show. He said he had a meeting with his accountant the other day and his head almost exploded after that. He said that he can afford this new house he's buying though. He's going to have a mortgage and he hasn't had one for a while. He said he's never felt so conservative in his life before. He's got some responsibility now and that's a good thing. Howard said that he sees some weight loss in his future.
Howard said he'd love to see a JD Cribs show. Artie told him he'd have to square it with his 5 roommates though. Howard said he's got a meeting with Doug Goodstein today and they're thinking of doing the Miss Howard Stern reality show. That led to the guys talking about what a mess Miss Howard Stern was when she was in there. The caller said he'd love to see that show because it's a train wreck. Artie said that the KC situation is a fascinating thing with her. He said that they learned that KC charges hot chicks to date him when she was in there.
Howard said he looked up that Darth Nihilus on Wookiepedia and found out some facts about him. That site is all about Star Wars characters. There was a lot of information about the made up character. He read through it and had Robin laughing her ass off.
Howard played another Garver interview where he was talking to a guy in a mask who was some kind of Star Wars character guard. He had some facts about him and ended up goofing on that guy by covering up his mouth to make it sound like he was in the mask himself. Artie got in on that too and laughed his ass off doing the impression himself. He and Howard were throwing lines back and forth about the gay stuff a guy like that might do.
Robin said that Richard is unconcerned about what his drinking does while Artie is actually kind of worried. Howard played some of the audio from the Wrap Up Show where Richard was talking about all of the booze that he drinks. They found out that Richard has only gone a month and a half without drinking since he was 18. He drinks just about every day. He even has to be shit faced before he goes to a baseball game and was drinking on the train on the way to a game recently.
Artie was saying that Richard is a really bad drunk. He gets really annoying and sloppy when he gets that way. Gary said that in one Howard TV show, the Bubba Wedding show, they show Richard getting off the plane and being unable to get himself into a cab.
A phone caller told Howard that he really enjoyed the Michael Moore interview yesterday. Howard said he got a lot of feedback about that and it was very controversial. The caller said he's not a huge fan of Moore's but he does agree with him about the health care system needing an overhaul. Another caller said that Michael Moore is spouting the same opinions that Howard and the guys are talking about every day. He said that Scott DePace wasn't all that great at debating Moore though.
Artie said that he knows this guy who had his leg blown off over in Iraq and he was saying that it's political correctness that's stopping this country from winning the war over there in Iraq. He said that they could just start bombing everything but this country refuses to bomb the mosques and stuff over there.
Howard played a voice mail that Richard left for Will when he was really drunk. He called him when he was taking a piss and bragged to him that he was doing it on 42nd street. Richard sounded like he was coming on to Will in the call and saying that Will loves hearing him take a leak. He goes on and on until the message cuts off. Howard played another one where Richard called back and repeated himself to Will. He then tells Will that he should have been on that booze cruise with him. JD came in to say that he wasn't sure what happened with those clips because they had an odd noise coming up in them.
Richard came in to talk about his drinking and how he does it every day. He said that it seems to spice things up a little bit. He said on Sunday he didn't feel like drinking so he was just drinking soda. He said sometimes he likes to have a mimosa. That led to the guys goofing on him about that. Richard said he had 15 of them during a brunch one time. He said it was free so he drank as many as he could. He said he ate one egg and 15 mimosas. He said he never, ever drinks and drives. He said he would never do that.
Howard said that he had the clip so he'd play it to show just how unfunny it is. He played the clip where Eric tells Richard how to do accents. He tells Richard to lose that Kansas accent and does the accent himself. Howard said it was boring and cut it off. Eric said that he was referring to something that happened on the show the other day but Howard told him that not everyone listens to every minute of the show.
Eric also brought up the Star Wars convention and said that Haydn Porter would fit right into that. He was going off on her but Howard cut him off and didn't let him say anything else about her. He had called her a stupid bitch because she had ratted him out about something a while back. Howard played more of the Darth Nihilus stuff and then went to break.
Howard had Eric the Midget back on the phone. Eric said that he was trying to rat someone out before and he got hung up on. Howard said that he was boring so he hung up on him. Eric said that bitch needs to be told on. Howard said that no one even knows who he's talking about and no one cares. He said that he knows when to hang up on him. Eric said that everyone knows who Haydn is. Howard said that he really doesn't remember who she is. Artie said that 99 percent of the listeners don't know who she is. Eric said that she's on SFN and she's well known there. Howard said that's just a small part of the audience though.
Howard told Eric that he doesn't get the joke, that's why he's funny. He told Eric to say what he has to say. Eric said that she's into Star Wars and she asked him not to say anything to them about it because they'd make fun of her. Howard said that he doesn't care, no one does. Eric just said ''yeah, whatever'' when Howard told him he knows what he's doing.
Howard said that he wanted to hear more about SFN and Haydn Porter. Eric then started to tell them more about what she told him on when he was talking to her. Eric said that she told stuff about him on the air that he didn't want her to tell. Howard pretended to be into what Eric was telling him and said that maybe she should be Darth Porter. Howard said that it's pretty clear that Eric is pissed at Haydn because she must have blown him off. Howard said it was fascinating and he was wrong for cutting him off earlier. He asked if he could go now. Eric said ''Yes, you can go now.'' Artie told him to go and get into his microwave and close the door. Howard gave Eric a ''Bye for now'' and then asked Gary to clear the rest of the week so they can goof on Haydn Porter.
Sal said that he has this new mantra. He said that whenever he thinks about his wife he thinks of respect and love and that stops him from doing anything to fuck up their relationship. He said that from now on that's what it's all about, respect and love. He said he's not going to talk about her on the air anymore, it's up to her to come on the air to talk about it.
Sal said that they were up until about 1 in the morning talking. He said that she was upset about him bringing this up on the air last week and he was talking about her betrayal. Gary told Howard where the songs are that Sal had written and performed in the past. Howard played the song ''My Wife'' where he sings about all of the things she does to him that drives him nuts. He sings about snapping her neck and things like that in a joking way of course.
A caller told Sal that he's wasting his time going to therapy. He said it's like pissing in the wind. Sal said it's not over, they're working things out. Howard started to play the Bleeding Deacons song about Sal but cut it off because it was so brutal. He played another one of Sal's songs about his wife and cut that off because he was so brutal with his own wife. Sal said it was just a parody song and that's what you do in songs like that. Howard continued to play the song where Sal sings about how his wife married him just for his money and stuff like that.
Sal said that he's learned something about women. He aid that it's amazing how when you're with your wife you just want them to have great sex with you and you'll be willing to do anything for them. He said that if you don't treat them right, they have no problem running right out to fuck some other guy even though they're not willing to fuck their husband. He said that there are women out there at bars hitting on guys and then running out to the parking lot to call and see how their kids are doing. Sal said that wasn't him that he was talking about, that's just what he's learned.
Eric the Midget called in to defend Sal. He said that he saw him recently and he was very cool with him. He asked Howard to lay off of him and his wife. He said that they should let them just deal with things themselves. Howard hung up on him and took some more calls. A woman said that guys eventually get sick of their wives and that's a normal thing in a marriage. Sal said that his wife has made it clear to him that it's going to take time for her to gain her trust back. Sal said he's made her second fiddle for a long time now and he knows that's wrong. Howard let him say that and then played more of his song parody about his wife. Howard said he sounds brainwashed to him. Sal said he has a lot of love and respect for his wife and he doesn't want to ruin that.
Robin said that she thinks that Sal will give it his all and his wife will eventually let him off the hook and then Sal will give up. Howard asked him if he's helping out around the house more now. Sal said when he goes home and does try to help out and asks her how he can help. Howard let out a little laugh when he heard that. He said he helps her out with whatever he can. Howard said she seemed to have enough time to text her ''emotional friend'' when she was home alone. Howard told Sal that maybe he should ask her about that. Sal said that he's not going there though. He said he knows what he needs to do to try and make things better. He said that he helps out with dinner and taking care of the kids and things like that. He said he does his thing for the show and then goes to bed.
Robin said that the test will be when Sal tries to do the Christmas picture this year. If he can avoid doing anything goofy, he'll probably be okay. Sal kept saying ''respect and love'' during the conversation and that's what he thinks about whenever the guys bring this stuff up.
Howard thought that Sal must be taking lessons from Gary or something but Sal said he's not. He said that Gary and his wife are in that routine now and they're just going through the motions and he doesn't think that it's all that great for him. Gary said that's not true and they're getting along better than ever. He threw in a little dig by saying ''143'' to him. He also mentioned the ''emotional friend'' thing again. The two of them went back and forth a little bit.
Howard told Sal he thinks that they really should try to patch things up. Sal has been a jackass lately but Fred pointed out that he's always been a jackass and that's the guy she married. She should have known that. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said that Pam was there with Magician Hans Klok. The two of them came in and Howard told Pam she's looking great. He said that she still looks good even at 40. She claims she hasn't had any work done on her face. She reminded him that they did kiss one time. Howard had asked her if he had a chance with her now.
Pam said that she's getting a lot of new bruises thanks to this Hans Klok guy. She said that she's been put in a lot of places that she's never been put in. Howard asked Pam about the guy she was rumored to be dating but she said that she's really not seeing anyone. She did go out with the guy that they were talking about earlier but she's not that serious with him.
Howard asked Pam what she's doing with this Hans Klok guy. She's actually working with him in Vegas. Pam said she's having a great time as Hans' assistant in his show. They appear at Planet Hollywood out there and they've been doing this for about two weeks now. Gary came in and said they had a TV emergency and had to take some pillows out of there because they were blocking the view of her boobs. Right after that Pam mentioned that her father was out in the green room with her today. Howard said he'd check him out later.
Howard asked Pam about the outfit she was wearing and how she usually just wears one thing when she visits the city. He asked her if she's got a stylist. She said that she has someone who helps her out with that stuff a little. Howard asked Hans if he's tried to put the moves on Pam. Hans and Pam said that they've kissed a little bit. Howard asked him if he got any titty. He said that they work from early in the morning all day long. Pam told Howard that her dad is out in the green room as he was asking about all of that.
Hans told Howard that she's the greatest girl he's known. Howard asked him if he's ever tried to put any moves on her. Hans didn't understand because Howard was speaking so quickly. Pam said that you never sleep with your boss. She hasn't done anything with him.
Hans said that his boss told him that he needed something special in his show and he said that he asked Pam and then Carmen Electra. Pam turned it down the first time and then they went back to Pam after Carmen had to back out of it. Pam said they asked her a long time ago and she turned it down because she was married. Then Carmen did it for a little while but she didn't like doing the tricks so they went back to Pam. Carmen was afraid to do the tricks so they had to let her go. Howard said he heard a rumor that Pam wasn't the first pick, it was actually OJ. He was joking around of course.
Howard read that Pam was going to earn 3 million bucks for doing this show for 3 months. Pam said that they're very generous out there in Vegas. She said that they gave her a jet of her own and she has to be out there on Thursday and she's home by Saturday. Howard asked Hans if he ever saw the sex tape of Pam and Tommy Lee. He said he did see it. Pam joked that it was her audition tape.
Pam told Howard about her kids and how they wanted to go see ''Borat'' and she thought they might be a little young to see it. She had to tell them about the sex tape since they were learning about all of that kind of stuff. She said that they won't be surprised if it ever comes up. Howard asked her if they're getting laid yet. One of the kids is 9 and the other is 11. Howard also asked if they got Tommy's giant penis. She said that they've been blessed with the good parts of each of their parents.
Howard asked Pam if she's done with Kid Rock now. She said that she hasn't spoken to him in a long time now. Pam said that she would have married Howard if he was single. Howard was asking her some questions about anal sex but when he was reminded that her father was there, he stopped with that line of questioning. He asked her about the kids and if they miss Kid Rock and stuff like that.
Howard said that he heard that sometimes fans will come up to Pam and ask her to sign stuff like her naked pictures and stuff. She said it's not like that often. She had one guy do that but it's not all the time. Howard asked her if she's ever been offered ridiculous amounts of money to have sex. She said she's been offered cars and stuff like that.
Howard asked Pam what it's like to work with Hans and how they ended up kissing. She said it's just a friendly kiss. Hans said that they work together all day long and they really like each other and have good chemistry. The kiss just happens. Howard asked the two of them to kiss and they did give each other a peck.
Howard gave Hans a plug for his show and web site HansVegas.com. He talked to him about the show he does for a short time. They also talked about chuck Zito and how he was upset with Hans over the bruises she had all over her from this show she's doing.
Howard had Pam's father Barry come in. He talked to him about his daughter and told him that he created a masterpiece. He asked him when he knew he had a sex symbol on his hands. Barry said it was when she was about 2. Howard asked him if guys were coming on to her when she was very young. Barry said that he did get into a few bar fights over it. He said that guys would say things that went a little too far so he'd have to kick some ass.
Howard asked Barry if he tried to talk Pam out of marrying Tommy Lee and stuff like that. He said that she won't listen to them about stuff like that. Howard asked him if he ever saw her sex tape. Barry said that he never saw it. Howard told him that she was very good in the tape. Gary told him that Barry was going to jump over there and beat the shit out of him if he kept going like that.
Gary asked when the boys started calling the house showing interest in her. Barry said it was when she was about 14 or 15. Howard asked if it's a curse to have a daughter that hot. He said that she just about oozes sexuality. Barry said he can see why guys like her so much. He said it's not a curse though. Howard said it has to be a curse because so many guys want her.
Artie said that Barry is the kind of guy who can watch Baywatch and know it just sucks while other guys just see Pam on it and think it's great. Howard asked Barry if he ever had to pull up Pam's dress to spank her. He said he had to spank some of her boyfriend's but not Pam. Howard asked her when she started having sex. She said willingly, it was around 16 or so.
Robin asked Barry what they thought about her appearing in Playboy. Barry said that she asked them before she did it so they were fine with it. That led to Howard talking to Pam about how she was sexually assaulted when she was a kid. She said she never told her father about it because she knew that he would have killed the guy. Her first sexual encounter was a rape. Pam said she couldn't go to her father about it. She didn't want to talk about that stuff and wanted to talk about this Vegas thing.
Howard asked Barry if he would approve of him going out with his daughter. Barry seemed to like him and said that Pam likes him so he'd be fine with it. Howard said that he'd go to see Pam if he was out in Vegas. She gets sawed in half and fire spikes drive through her. She said that she does a striptease and disappears in the show as well. Hans told Howard that he'd be very proud of her if he saw her.
Howard thanked everyone for coming in and thanked Barry for giving them Pam. Howard said that all of America and Canada thank him for that. Howard gave Pam and Hans a plug for their show that runs all summer long at the Planet Hollywood out in Las Vegas. Howard told Pam not to run off and get married or anything. Howard went to break after that.
Howard took a call from Ralph who was doing his Darth Nihilus impression and asking for the other Darth's like Darth Maul and Darth Sidius. Howard covered up his mouth and started doing his impression of the characters in their masks. Artie did that as well and played the part of Darth Maul. Howard and Artie were goofing on those guys about being virgins and stuff.
Ralph asked Howard how Pam looked today. He wondered if Pam looks like Pam these days. Howard said she looked good. Artie said that he figures that if he stays at a C-level celebrity, he might be able to get her in about 12 years or so. He figures by the time she's 50, he'll be able to get her. He said he's going to fuck her and he's going to stick her with the breakfast bill. He figures that if he can get a Vegas gig and she's still out there doing Vegas shows, he'll get her.
Howard said that the thing that's a shame is that Pam never hooked up with the right guys. He said she should have hooked up with him.
Erica said that she'd like to meet Howard but he figured that it would be kind of weird for her if she knows she's being watched. Erica said that she was getting the feeling that she was coming off as a nut on the show and had to get off the phone. Howard said that he watches her masturbate in her house with those cameras and asked her to do it right then. She said she couldn't do it because she wasn't in her room at that point even though Howard said he could see her.
Erica asked Howard if he's read the poems she's sent to him. Howard said he doesn't read poetry. She said that she now realizes that she must be a nut and she's been that way all these years. She apologized for what she was doing. Howard told her that maybe she should check into a mental institution. Howard told her that she needs to get some help because she's mentally ill. He let her go a short time later. He also let Ralph go since he was hanging on the line the whole time.
Howard asked Fran more questions about politics and asked her if she knows what the three branches of government are. Fran said The House, the Senate... Robin stopped her and told her she was wrong. Howard let Fran continue and she said ''Congress... umm...'' She thought she was being put on the spot so she couldn't come up with the answers. Artie tried to help and gave her the Executive Branch but she still couldn't come up with the other answers. Robin helped her out with the other two.
Fran said that she's not running for congress, she's just trying to push this Cancer Schmancer movement that she's involved with. Howard talked to Fran about her sex life and asked when she last had sex. She said it was actually just a couple of weeks ago. She said it was a guy she was interested in and not just her fuck buddy.
Fran asked Howard if he would come to her Cancer Schmancer thing this Wednesday at 9am. Howard said he has to work so Fran asked if anyone else could come. Everyone else there has to work too but Fran had mentioned Beth's name as well. Howard asked if she was looking for a donation. Fran said that she's looking to get people to go to CancerSchmancer.org.
Howard asked Fran if she thinks that her smoking weed is going to hold her back in her run for congress. She had an explanation for that and said that she didn't think it would be a problem. Howard told her she's looking really good these days. That led to them talking about her cancer and how she can't have kids because they had to remove her ovaries. She did have her ovaries frozen just in case she ever does want to have her eggs inseminated.
Howard said that Fran's show ''The Nanny'' is still big in syndication. She said that Sony wants her to go to Poland to do some stuff because the show is huge over there. She said that it's done very well in many areas around the world.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that there is no one in New York who would vote for Fran. He said that actors might get away with that out in California but not there in New York. Fran said that she's really not running but she also thinks that the guy is underestimating her. She told the guy what she's done so far and said that the caller is doing a disservice if he thinks that she can't do this stuff. Her little speech convinced the caller that she would be able to do it.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if Fran is shaved down below. Fran said that she goes au natural down there but she does clean up her thighs a little bit. Fran also said that she doesn't like anal sex which led to her telling people to get the HPV shots if they are having anal sex. She said that it's a good idea to get that if they do go down that road.
Howard took a call from Darth Nihilus and let the guys play the clips of him for Fran. She had no idea what was going on and thought that the guy was saying his name was Garth. Howard let them play with those clips for a short time before hanging up. Howard said he might have a man for Fran and showed Artie to her. Artie said that if they do date, he'd pretend that Congress was one of the three branches of the government for her. She said she's never been good under pressure like that on game shows and stuff. That was her excuse for not knowing the answers to Howard's political questions earlier. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he heard about those Trojan cock rings on the show and tried it out with his wife. He said he stuck it in his wife's ass. He said it was just a little bit and he kept it there while he was having sex with her. He said that it had slipped in her ass while he was doing that. Howard said that it's impossible for that to happen. Gary said that it really would be hard to get it in there. The caller said that the whole thing went in though and she wasn't able to get it out. Howard said he knew the guy was full of shit and just hung up on him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he got suspended from his job for trying to listen to the show. The guy said he was trying to get a signal so he put the antenna in a duct in the office. His boss found it as he was trying to put it in the duct and he got suspended for a week without pay over it. Howard let him go and took another call from a guy who had yet another story for him. The guy said that his wife asked him to pee on her so he did that and it was a great feeling. He said that they were on their boat going down the river and she asked him to pee inside of her. He said that he was hard when he did it so Howard figured he was full of shit too. The guy claims that he can pee while he's hard.
Sal said that he's seen guys in videos who can pee when they're hard. He said he likes to watch that kind of stuff. He said that there are guys that can do it. He said that there are some guys who can pee with their penis hard and curved up so the pee can hit the chick's in the face. Sal was unable to say the word ''degradation'' as he was talking about that stuff. That led to Howard playing a clip of Bob Levy trying to say Parssipany on the Miserable Men show last night. Bob had a hard time getting it out but said he'd learn it by next week. Howard thought it was pretty funny that he couldn't say it.
Richard came in and said that he sees Sal watching these pee videos once in a while. Sal said that he loves women but he also likes to see this guy pissing on them and smearing lipstick on their faces so they look like clowns.
The caller said that he loved peeing inside his wife. He said that she cleaned herself out by douching when they got home. He said that it felt awesome and he's never felt anything like that in his life. Howard told the guy he should try shitting in his wife next. Artie said that you pee in your wife, you shit in your girlfriend.
Howard had an audio clip of this woman talking to a guy as she's sucking him off. He said it sounds like they're feeding her lines while she's doing it though. Artie said it would be great if Jackie the Joke Man started doing that for a living, feeding a porn chick lines. He said you'd hear that classic Jackie ''YEEEE'' sound after each line. Howard played the clip again and Fred threw in a bunch of Jackie laughs to create what that might be like.
Jon Hein ran down his Wrap Up Show subjects. They'll be talking about Pam Anderson, Fran Drescher and Sal's marriage discussion that wasn't supposed to happen.
Howard said that Robin's boobs were another subject that was getting a lot of coverage. He played a new one about her boobs. Sour Shoes called in after that and played some stuff for Robin. He sang about her diet where she's lost 21 pounds in two weeks. He hung up on Sour Shoes when he was wrapping up that song. He also wrapped up with Jon Hein who was still in there.
Howard read through some mail about Jimmy Fallon's interview. Someone went off on Artie for kissing Jimmy's ass too much. One guy thought Jimmy had a bit of a gay lisp. Another one said that they'd like Jimmy to sit in for Artie if he ever leaves. That led to the guys talking about how there was a story about how NBC is trying to woo Jon Stewart to possibly replace Conan O'Brien if he leaves to do The Tonight Show.
A caller, Wolfie, told Howard that he had asked Michael Stipe from R.E.M. about Howard when he was on another talk show and the guy had some nice things to say about him. The caller said that it was the Jane Pratt show and she kind of treated Howard like he was crap. Howard said he can't imagine why she'd do that, she's been on the show and thought that she was a fan of his.
Howard read through some more mail. They got a ton about Michael Moore. The fans were split on his interview. They either hated him or loved him.
Ralph called in and told Howard that Artie really was kissing Jimmy's ass and recommended a movie that Howard might like. Ralph said that Howard will hate the movie and he'd be willing to bet $1000 on that.
Howard went into his Ted Kennedy impression after Robin brought up a story about JFK Jr's final day before his plane crash. He was doing a lot of ''Er-uh'' stuff during that bit. Artie got in on it and did his impression as well. Howard let out a fart into his microphone as he was doing his Ted Kennedy. He did the fart as Ted. Howard joked that Ted was going to vote for the merger between XM and SIRIUS until he heard that fart bit.
Robin read a story about how less kids are getting circumsized these days and that led to Sal coming in to show the guys a picture of his penis that he had on his cell phone. Howard said he didn't want to see that and Artie covered his eyes to make sure he didn't see it. Artie said he remembers getting the job there and it seems like something happened between then and now and he wakes up from this nightmare seeing Sal showing pictures of his penis.
Howard wondered if Sal had his sons circumsized. Sal said he suffered through that stuff as a kid so he had his kids circumsized so they wouldn't be teased. Sal said he was teased as a kid and it was really hurtful. Artie said he's never showed his cock to his friends. Sal said that it's just women who say that uncircumcised cocks are disgusting that sucks. Fred didn't have a problem with it and never really showed it to anyone either. Howard asked Sal if his wife's ''emotional friend'' is uncircumcised. Sal said he'd let him know after he blows him and also called Howard an asshole. Howard gave him a ''143'' (I Love You in Emotional Friend code) after that.
At one point the guys were talking about Richard's drunken calls to Will. That led to Howard playing another one of his drunken voice mails. In that one Richard was singing ''Hollaback Girl'' to Will.
Artie told a quick story about how he had to drive his mother to the welfare office for about a year after his father died. He said he didn't feel like less of a man than when he was doing that. He had never told the guys that story before.
Robin went through the rest of her news and wrapped up around 10:55am. Artie rattled off his upcoming comedy gigs which he's calling the ''Pay for Artie's House Tour.'' Sal came in and said that the Howard TV guys wanted to show his penis on today's show so they put it up on the monitors in the studio. Howard ended the show after that, right around 10:55am.
Howard started off the show talking about how he's apparently being sued for $100 million over some Cabbie nonsense. Howard said that according to the paper he's gotten in trouble for saying that Cabbie was fat when he came in the studio. They're claiming it cost the company hundreds of millions of dollars. He said that he pushed hard to get Cabbie a job there and this shows what an asshole he is. This has gone way too far for him. Artie aids that this is self destructive behavior and he's now running his biggest show business contact ever.
Howard said that Tom Chiusano was nice and gave Cabbie a job over at the old radio station too. He figures Cabbie will burn the bridge over there too. He read through the article where they claim that his show is the cause for this weight loss company losing sales. Howard said he guesses that it's this I57 thing. He said that he told Cabbie he looked good but then Ralph said that Cabbie looked fat a little later in the show. Howard said that anyone that's in the studio can say what they want, it wasn't a paid commercial. He said that this shows that Cabbie is an asshole and has gone too far with him. He said that he knew something was up when Cabbie started sending him emails saying he had ''burned him.''
Howard read through more of the article where they claim that Cabbie was there to talk about his weight loss. Howard said that he was in there because he's Crazy Cabbie, not because he had lost weight. Howard said he has no problem saying that Cabbie was fat. He wasn't disparaging the product, he was calling Cabbie fat. It had nothing to do with the product he was using.
Howard read about the comments that Ralph made about Cabbie being fat and how dare he come in and promote a weight loss product. The representative from the company claims their sales dropped by 20 percent after that. Howard said he doesn't know if that's true or not. He said that Cabbie was fat that day and he's not afraid to say that. Gary said that Cabbie was booked to do the show that day to do some promotion for that product. Howard said he didn't know that though.
Gary said that Cabbie sent him a letter letting him know that he's done with the show forever. Howard said that he can't see this lawsuit going anywhere. He said that this is a bunch of horse shit. He said he doesn't care about the company or anything else, he cares that he's tried to help Cabbie out and then he goes and screws him like this. He said that Artie went out and did a charity benefit for Cabbie one time and the guy doesn't seem to appreciate anything they do for him.
Howard said he'd broadcast that show again and show that he didn't say anything negative about that product. He was just calling Cabbie fat which was true. He said that he obviously had Cabbie on for one too many appearances. He said that he gives Cabbie Carte Blanche to come in there but he's obviously too much trouble. They even tried to help Cabbie out by finding his real family for him and this is the way they get treated.
Howard said that he doesn't want mail from the fans telling him that they knew Cabbie was a mountain of trouble, he knows that. He took a call from a guy who said that cabbie was looking to sue the prison he was in as well. Howard said he knows he has to distance himself from that guy and not talk to him anymore. Artie said that Cabbie acknowledged that he was still fat when he was in there. He had lost 20 pounds but he was still big. Howard said Cabbie was still fat but he thought it was great that he had lost 20 pounds. He said he knew that things were weird when he got that e-mail from Cabbie saying that he had been screwed.
The caller on the line said that he remembers Cabbie talking about how he wanted a radio show when he got out of prison and he's probably pissed that he didn't get a full time job. Howard said he went around begging people to give the guy a job and they gave him a one day a week show.
King of All Blacks called in and said that he was in the green room with Cabbie and he seemed to be pissed off at Howard already that day. Howard said he doesn't care, he's going to drop it and stop talking about it. King also said that Cabbie ate a bacon and egg sandwich before he went into he studio and he remembers Howard promoting the product in a positive way so this was ridiculous. Howard said he never disparaged it and it was Ralph who said that Cabbie was still fat.
Howard said that Cabbie has burned every bridge in his life and he doesn't want to hear from him anymore. He told him to leave him alone and to have a nice life. He took another phone call from a guy who said that he hopes he remembers this in a couple of weeks. He thinks that Howard is going to take him back because he's such a nice guy. Howard said that won't happen and this whole thing is nauseating. He said he's going to let SIRIUS handle it since they're being sued.
Another phone caller said that if Cabbie wasn't fat, he never would have been on that product. He just stated the obvious. Howard also said that Ralph's comments are his own and he has nothing to do with that. Howard said he had a feeling this was some kind of set up for something. He didn't know it was going to turn into this. Artie aids that they're not suing Ralph because Ralph has no money. Howard said he's not even sure if this is for real, he hasn't heard anything about the lawsuit officially. Howard said he can apparently make or break products there on the show according to the guy from that company.
Artie said that he admires what Sal is doing trying to save his marriage. Howard has also said that he thinks he's doing the right thing. He played the clip where Will tells Sal that what he's doing is ridiculous because he's apologizing for his wife and taking responsibility for having this ''emotional friend.'' Sal defended himself and took the blame for pushing his wife away. He said he believes that she didn't do anything with the guy other than talk to him. Sal said that they had a bad marriage and he pushed her away. Now he's trying to fix that. Will told Sal that he had lost his balls and he was giving into her every demand. Sal said that wasn't true but he can't speak for her there on the show because she's not there.
Artie said that was the most mature that he's ever heard Sal. Fred said that he was very clear and concise with his comments too. Howard tried to take a phone call but the guy wasn't there, he was talking to someone else in his office. Howard asked the guy what he was talking about because it sounded like he was bad mouthing a co-worker. The guy changed the subject and told Howard he sounded like a beaten man talking about Cabbie. Howard said that Cabbie was a friend of his and he's not sure why he does the things he does.
Artie got back to the Sal thing and said that people really act like 8th graders there. He said that Will was telling him that people were laughing at him behind his back but Sal shouldn't care about that. That led to Howard playing more of Sal talking to Will and defending his choice to try and fix his marriage.
Howard called Sal and Will into the studio and talked to them about all of this stuff. He told Sal he did a good job defending himself and said he thinks that was the right thing to do. He also talked to Will about what he was saying and said that he has no idea what he's talking about because he's not married yet. Howard told Will that Sal could go home and tell his wife to go fuck herself but that would make the marriage crumble.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Sal if he wears a skirt when he goes home. Sal said he does and said it was the caller's wife's skirt that he comes in. The caller said that men are turning into pussies these days and this proves it. He couldn't believe that Artie was backing him up in it. Artie said that Sal is trying to keep it together for his kids and that's the right thing to do as far as he's concerned.
Sal was telling the guys why he wants to save his marriage and said that he really loves his wife and wants to keep it together. King called back and said that if Beth did this to Howard, he wouldn't stay with her. The guys all said that everyone is different though. King said that people don't stop doing what they do. He figures that she'll be back to doing what she was doing in about a year. King wanted to know why Sal is trying to save this marriage. Sal said it's because he loves his wife and kids. Robin said that marriages don't survive with no problems, there are always problems and people have to get through them. This is what Sal is going through now.
Howard was trying to defend Sal but King didn't get what Sal had done wrong. He seemed to think that Sal's wife was the one who was doing stuff wrong. Howard said he couldn't talk to that guy and hung up on King. He took another call and that guy told Howard to make sure he has his security straight to make sure Cabbie doesn't come up there and do something. He said that
Artie said that he's not sure he could be the same good guy that Sal is being. He said that he might beat the shit out of the emotional friend but what Sal is doing is the right thing. Howard said that they have to be rational there because he's pretty sure Artie wouldn't beat the shit out of anyone. Artie said that he thinks he might just do that though. He figures he'd try to beat the guy up but he's not sure how big he'd be and he might get beaten up himself. Howard said that he's be upset if he found out that Beth had an ''emotional friend.'' Artie said that Sal is trying to be the better man by overlooking all of that stuff.
Will was goofing on Sal about some of the buzzwords he was throwing out and saying that it didn't sound anything like him, it was just the therapy speaking. Sal told Will that his marriage will be a disaster and a mess just like every other marriage out there.
Howard took some more phone calls and let some fans talk about what they've gone through in their marriages. One guy said that at least Sal is trying to save the whole thing. He said that's very admirable. Howard said he's gotten some song parodies about Sal's wife's ''emotional friend'' so he played one of them to the tune of a Carly Simon song. Howard said it wasn't all that great but it they gave it a try. The more he heard it, the more he liked it. Artie said he liked the song.
Will asked why Sal came in there and started taking about the problems if he was trying to save the marriage. Howard took a call from a guy who said that Will is an asshole and he has no idea what marriage is like. He said he has no clue about that stuff.
Howard played a bunch of songs where they threw in the Darth Nihilus clips. That had Artie laughing a bit. Howard said that he played a clip of that character talking in the Star Wars video game he's from and you can't even understand a word he says. He played that clip again and said that the woman in the game has a subtitle under her but Darth Nihilus doesn't. He played even more songs that they threw the ''I'm Darth Nihilus'' clip into. Robin said they really have to meet that guy. Howard wondered if the guy knows that they're into him this much. Robin figures he has no idea.
Howard also played a clip of this guy who is in a Gamorrean Guard outfit and wearing a mask so he can't hear and his voice is all muffled. That's where Howard and Artie got the idea to cover up their mouths and talk like one of the Star Wars guys. Howard said that he didn't know what a Gamorrean Guard was until yesterday. He thought that they were the guys in white outfits but those guys are Stormtroopers. He said that this guy is playing a troll like character that he's never even noticed in the movies. Howard started covering his mouth and muffling his voice again. He goofed on the Gamorrean Guard guy for a short time.
Howard and the guys were talking about those Star Wars conventions and wondered if George Lucas shows up to them. Gary said he heard that Carrie Fisher shows up to some of them. Howard was talking about all of that with his muffled voice. He said he had to take a break but he had one more caller who wanted to talk to Sal. The caller said that he should nip this shit in the bud because you can't trust these bitches. Robin said there was a woman who called into the Wrap Up Show that said she was in a similar situation where she ended up running off with the emotional friend because he came in at the right time when she and her husband were having problems. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said that Robin was on TV last night flaunting her assets. He said he watched the show and thought she looked very good. He also thought that she was very clear headed. He said she was out shopping and things like that. He played some clips from the show where they talked about Robin's diet and how she's lost 21 pounds already. Howard said that's all she has to say is that she lost that 20 pounds in 10 days and people run out to get the book. Robin told the guys about the drink she had which was a probiotic drink. Artie showed her the drink he had which was his Starbucks Mocha Frappachino. He said it's basically a chocolate shake with whipped cream on top of it. He said he didn't realize that if you ask for a frozen Mocha Frappachino, you're being redundant. He said that the chick there told him he doesn't have to say frozen because the Frappachino means it's frozen.
Fred did a search and found that a similar drink is 490 calories. He also said that the web site said that it's almost like sipping a quarter pounder with cheese through a straw because they both have about the same amount of calories.
Howard said that Artie is wearing this cap today and he thought it was just a fashion statement because it doesn't warm your head or anything. Artie said that it's a ''cabbie hat'' that he's had for a long time now. Howard told Jason to take a picture and put that up on the web site. Artie said that's the hat he wears out to get his paper on Sunday morning.
Robin said that Dr. Roni was telling her how happy she was with the promotion she was getting on that show last night.
Lisa said that this show on DIY is going to be helping out with this new house of his. The show is called Man Caves and they're going to take one of the rooms and do whatever he wants with it for free. Artie said that this guy he knows is going to be the host and he's going to ask them to create a media room for him. Howard told him that a media room is expensive so that's a good idea. Artie said that they'll probably use the good stuff because they won't want him bad mouthing the equipment. Artie said he has to be on the show for two days and they do all of the work. He said that they're going to ask him what he wants and then they set it all up. Howard told Robin that she has to do something like that as well. Lisa said they told her that Artie has to pick up a hammer and do some of the work himself. Artie said he's fine with that.
Artie is also on the Maxim.com web site where they talk about celebrities that would be great as video game characters. They say that Artie would be great as Super Mario.
Howard asked Jeff why he did this. Jeff said he wanted to be famous and he always cheated in high school. Howard said that Jeff actually stole some material from Jim Florentine one time and did his material right before Florentine went on stage. Florentine didn't know it so when he went out and did his thing, the crowd booed him. Jeff said that was terrible. He explained how he had stolen this one joke from Jim and used it that night not even knowing that Jim was there. He said that the joke was about SAT tests and he used it because the place was full of kids who had just graduated from high school. Jeff said he sat there and watched Jim go up on stage and get booed. He said it was horrendous.
Howard said that Jeff lists comedians who have ripped off other guys and said that Artie has stolen a joke here and there. Artie said that he's never knowingly stolen a joke at a big gig or on TV. He said that he tells jokes but he'll always put a footnote in there and let the crowd know who he borrowed it from.
Jeff said that he knows of other guys like Robin Williams who have stolen jokes from other guys. He said he's seen a lot of guys tell joke-jokes that aren't theirs just to get a laugh if they're bombing. He thinks that the people who wrote those jokes should get credit too.
Jeff said that he has a problem with Greg Fitzsimmons as well. He didn't say what his problem was at first and said he had to plug his movie which just came out. He mentioned that but Howard thought they were all over the place and sounded like he was about to hang up on him. Jeff was still all over the place but then brought up the Fitzsimmons thing again. He told Howard that Greg told him that he'd help get him on a show if he wrote him a 500 word apology. Howard cut him off and said that he was going to let him go. He said that his book Train Wreck was made into a movie so that's why he was actually calling in today.
Jeff also wrote an article for Penthouse magazine which will be in next month's issue. Howard was having trouble talking to the guy so he let him go and then went on to try and figure out what he was talking about. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard was having some problems with his computer because songs were playing themselves. There were all kinds of songs starting and stopping. He also said that his computer has been printing out ''666'' for some reason. He showed the guys and they said that maybe there was a problem with the keyboard. Howard said he doesn't even have a keyboard. Scott the Engineer found that there was something laying on the keyboard which was hidden from Howard's view. It was laying on the number 6 key and causing the problems.
Howard got back to the computer and played some song parodies and stuff. He said that maybe they don't even need that keyboard in the studio. Scott said that they need it to run the computer just in case there are problems. Howard told him to move it to a high shelf or something.
Howard said Scott is funny, he was out complaining about Artie getting that deal to do the room in his house for free. Howard asked him why he thinks that he'd get something like that. Scott said that he wasn't complaining. Gary said he heard him say it. Scott said he was just joking around. Howard spent a minute talking to him about that and pointed out that even SIRIUS doesn't want him going to client meetings. Artie told Scott to just come over to his place the day they do the shoot.
Howard Played a bunch of Darth Nihilus clips that were thrown into a bunch of songs. Artie figured they were from Dan the Song Parody Man and he was right. Howard said that Dan was probably up for hours making those songs.
Howard said the story they were doing was about how Michael Bloomberg is removing himself from being a Republican and may be running for President as an independent. Robin said she wishes that they could keep him as Mayor there in New York City but the term limits are ridiculous. Howard ended up talking about how much people hate the Jews and how he'll never be able to become President because they're hated so much. They were also talking about Barack Obama and how hard it would be for a black man to become President. They were wondering who would get elected first, a Jew or a Black guy.
Artie threw out Mike Bloomberg vs. an OJ Simpson looking type. Howard said that he thinks that OJ himself would win over a Jew. He also thinks that a Jew might be able to beat a gay guy. He went around the room and asked everyone if they think a Jew or Gay would win. Robin said Jew, Fred said Jew and Artie said Jew. Howard asked ''Jew vs. a guy arrested for armed robbery... and white.'' Howard and the guys didn't think the Jew would win in that case. Howard asked ''Jew vs. a pedophile'' and the guys all said the Jew would win.
Howard asked if a Jew or a guy dressed in a Darth Nihilus costume would win. He figured it would be Darth Nihilus. He played some more of Dan the Song Parody Man's songs and then replayed the telemarketer call he played a little earlier.
Artie said that he hopes that his father remembers that word. He said he knows the word and they had a few conversations about it before he passed away. He said it's nothing that obvious though so it won't be ''Thurman Munson'' or anything like that. Howard said that the weird thing about Ghost was