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Howard started off the show saying that Jason was throwing up from being so hungry this morning. He was going to get to the Battle of the Blobs weigh in so they could get that out of the way before Jason died. Artie said that Benjy looked sick from not eating.
Howard mentioned that Cylaris weight loss was the sponsor of the contest and then Gary came in and said that they were supposed to have someone there this morning to present the check but it was earlier than they expected. Gary also said that they talked about how when he did the contest he stopped eating and drinking at about 6 o'clock the night before the final weigh in. These guys stopped eating days ago.
Jason came in and said that he's been on a mostly fluid diet for the past couple of weeks and he's really tired this morning. Benjy said he has fasted for the past 7 days and it's not that big of a deal to him. Jason said that Benjy pulls out all of these wrestling weight loss things that he knows about. Benjy told Jason that he thought that he could win if he didn't eat much over the weekend. Benjy also told the guys that he just got back from an all night sauna where he was trying to lose his weight. He said he had gained those pounds and pounds of weight back during the contest by drinking water.
Jason was really out of it so Howard told him that he could screw himself up by not eating. He said he's had some help in the weight loss area from people who know what they're doing. Scott the Engineer came in and said that he fasted for the past week himself but he didn't deny himself nutrients. Robin said that Benjy had shaved his head and he was hiding that under his hat. He was trying to lose every bit of weight he could.
Howard told the guys to go over and get weighed. Brian Phelan from Howard TV was first up. He started out at 241 pounds, he got on the scale and came in at 217 which was the same as last week. Howard told him ''Way to go out with a fizzle...'' He didn't lose anything from last week's weigh in. Howard had Scott the Engineer get on the scale and he came in at 213 pounds. He lost 9 from last week. He lost 19.32 percent total according to Gary. Howard told him he could win with that kind of weight loss.
Howard went to Jason next. Jason started out at 271 pounds and weighed in at 212 this week. He lost 21.77 percent of his weight. Will said Benjy was sweating like crazy when he went up to the scale. Benjy tried to speak but his mouth was dry from not drinking any water. Howard told Scott that he was going to lose the contest and probably come in second because that's the way things go with him. Benjy was thanking people for the contest and Gary was pointing out that he was sweating like crazy.
Howard had Benjy get on the scale to show them how much he lost. He started out at 267 pounds. Today he came in at 203. He beat Jason with a 23 percent weight loss. Howard said he couldn't believe that Jason lost to him. Tim Sabean wasn't there but everyone knew he didn't have a chance of winning. Here's how it all played out:
Benjy lost 27 pounds in a week so Howard asked him how that can happen. Benjy said it was all water. Jason said he can't believe that he lost that much weight in a week but he did congratulate him. Robin said Benjy looked crazy this morning and he was acting crazy as well. Benjy said that Scott and Jason made a fatal error and said that they just didn't do as well as him. He said if they had fasted a little earlier and maybe used the Cylaris, they could have won. Scott thought that Benjy was up to tricks over the past 10 weeks. Scott wanted to wrestle him and they started to get into a little fight but Howard had them break it up.
Benjy started to sing a song about his $20,000 win. He said he had to thank Cylaris for the help in the win. Howard said he really thought that Jason was going to win the contest after last week. Jason said he didn't feel so bad until this morning on his way in. He said he walked to work from downtown and threw up when he got there. He said he was making copies in the office and felt nauseous so he went and threw up.
Benjy said that he went and got a colonic and the people he got it from knew Robin because she used to get the colonics. Robin said he was nuts and didn't know what he was talking about. Benjy said they told him that her colonics were great because of the stuff that would come out of her when they'd do them. Robin said that she used to have a lot of carrots come out of her.
Gary said it's like they gave their entire staff crystal meth because of the way they were acting. Artie said he had five grand for the guy who could gain the most weight by 11 o'clock this morning. He said he was serious but no one really paid much attention because Scott and Benjy were still arguing. Gary said he knows that Jason is crushed because he was banking on winning this 20 grand. Jason said he's not angry at Benjy for winning but he is upset that he lost.
Howard had Benjy take off his shirt so they could look at his body after this huge weight loss. He lifted up his shirt and still had hanging skin. Howard asked him what he was going to do to get rid of that. He said he still has more weight to lose and then asked for a bottle of water from Howard since he was so dry.
Howard said Brian Phelan was the biggest mystery to him. Brian said he knew he didn't have a chance of winning so he kind of gave up early. Benjy was acting weird so the guys pointed that out and said it looked like he was on speed or something. Brian was the one pointing that out. Benjy told him not to accuse him of something like that because he's not on drugs. Brian asked him how it felt to be meth'd out but Benjy said it's just not right to accuse him of something like that.
Joey Boots called in and said it sounded odd to him that Benjy lost so much and he thinks he was up to something. He said that Tim Sabean should look into this. He thinks that he's dishonest and maybe he manipulated the scale or something. Benjy said he just had access to the internet and Cylaris and that's how he lost the weight. Benjy said he's going to try and get his parents a nice gift with these winnings and get them a better son. Howard said he can't answer seriously. Benjy eventually said that he was going to buy a house or something with the winnings.
Another caller said that he thinks Benjy cheated somehow. Howard didn't think he had. The caller said he didn't think that Benjy could have gained all of that weight that quickly because a gallon of water only weighs 7 pounds. Howard told the guys they could go eat. Artie said he would put up a grand for the person who could gain back the most weight. Howard didn't want to be a part of that and said that they shouldn't do that.
Jason had to leave the studio to get something to eat and left walking sideways. The guys said he was really out of it from starving himself. Another caller said that a gallon of water weighs 8.5 pounds and that's how Benjy started out the contest. The guys said they already knew that, he admitted to it.
Howard sent Artie over to the scale so they could find out how big he had gotten. Howard asked him how he got laid down there but Artie said he never said he did. He just said there were a bunch of Hooters chicks down there and they were hot blondes. He didn't get into details.
Artie got on the scale and weighed in at 303 pounds. Howard said he knew that he was over 300 now. Artie said that the more weight he gains, the more pussy he gets. Howard asked him what he's doing to get that heavy. He said he has to get a little alarmed at that but Artie said that he's upset about it. He said he does care that he's that big but he's not going to stop eating.
Artie said that when he started out on the show he was 195 pounds. The guys figure he was ''obese'' when he was at about 235 pounds or so. Howard said that this won't sink in to Artie until he hits about 350. Artie said he figures that he can get to 400 before he's stuck on the couch. He said he doesn't feel thin but he was running around over the weekend playing football and stuff.
Robin asked Artie about the pants he was wearing. He said someone bought them for him and they don't fit, and he knows it. Artie said he has no clothes that fit him. Artie said he had about 5 girls up in his hotel room that night down there in Miami. Howard asked him about getting laid but Artie kept denying that anything happened and there were no complications that Howard thought there might be.
Howard asked Artie if there's something that could complicate things if he did get laid down there. Artie said there could be. He wouldn't say what it was so Howard kept digging and digging trying to find out what happened. Artie said he did figure out the best way to possibly get laid while he's out on the road. He said it's having a private party that you're in control of.
Howard said that he saw some video from behind the scenes at a comedy show that Richard Christy was at. He was pissing in bottles and stuff like that. Richard came in and said that their weekend was the opposite of what Artie had. He said that they were stuck in a club where their dressing room was a closet and they had no bathroom. They had to walk through the crowd to get to the bathroom. Artie said he's done plenty of shows like that over the years.
Howard said Levy was eating some chick's ass up on stage. Richard said that was Blue Iris. Shuli said he gave it one lick and puked on stage. Richard said Levy went back and puked in the tub of beer they had in the back. Shuli said she came up to him with some medical marijuana and told him he could take a hit if he wanted. Shuli said he did try it and it was good stuff. He also said that just about everyone he met out there had medical marijuana out there.
Shuli said that they had this guy Ned there who was about 6'8'' tall and would walk them through the crowed to the bathroom. Sal wouldn't do that though. He was pissing in a bottle in the dressing room. He would leave the bottle of piss in there through the whole show. Howard saw video of it and he thought that it was really disgusting and not funny at all.
Howard said that it was a mess and Dr. Jules was saying that the infection could spread to his bone and that would be a big problem. Dr. Jules said that Jeff wasn't in pain so that was kind of odd because it should have been really painful. Shuli said he spoke to Jeff about it and he was scared to go to the hospital. He's apparently really afraid of doctors.
Dr. Jules said that this is very serious and it could lead to him needing a bone graft and stuff like that. Howard said he didn't know the medical term for Jeff but said it could be simply ''gross.'' Dr. Jules said that there are some people out there who can go through stuff like that and live no problem while other people go through similar things and die trying to fight it.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that he's on his way home from Baltimore. Jeff said he's on his way home now and he will check himself into the hospital when he gets home. Jeff said it does hurt but he's used to the pain at this point. Jeff was yelling at Dr. Jules when he was trying to tell him he needs to go back to the hospital this week. Jeff said he's going to the hospital and will be back there tomorrow.
Howard said it's nice the way he gets belligerent with people who are trying to help him. Jeff's manager got on the phone and said that they're going to make sure he's in the hospital by tomorrow. He said he's pretty sure that Jeff's hygiene is fine but Dr. Jules said that's not the case. He said he's not sure exactly what the issue is but he thinks that Jeff needs to use an anti-bacterial soap when he showers.
Dr. Jules said that today is Melanoma Monday and everyone should go to the doctor to get their moles checked to see if they're cancerous. He's a dermatologist so that's why he brought that up. Artie said that this guy hung out with him down in Miami and he found out he works 2 days a week and takes 5 days to go down to Miami. Dr. Jules said he has a woman who works for him so he's able to do that. Artie said the guy looks just like Joe Torre and he's got a great boat down there in Miami.
Dr. Jules was telling Howard about the party Artie had up in his hotel room and how they were trying to round up some chicks but they turned out to be toothless Columbians. Howard wrapped up with Dr. Jules after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard why he bad mouthed the Superman Returns movie last week after he gave it a rave review when it came out. Howard said it's the same story over and over again and he thought about that after seeing Spider-Man 3. He said that in the Spider-Man movies they have different villains while with Superman it's always Lex Luthor.
Howard said Spider-Man grossed $148 million over the weekend breaking all kinds of records for opening day and for the whole weekend. He said he is thrilled with that because it means they'll probably make another one. Artie said that he read reviews and they were all saying that this was the worst of the three Spider-Man movies. Howard anted to know what people thought about it because he thought it was very good and the best of the three.
A phone caller said he didn't like Topher Grace as Venom because he was so nerdy. Howard said that was the whole point of that character and started to explain it but got frustrated and hung up on the guy. Howard heard that Richard Roeper gave the movie a thumbs down and he thinks he'd have to be nuts to do that after the crap they give thumbs up to on that show. Artie said Richard gave his movie ''Beer League'' a thumbs up and laughed as he was talking about that.
Howard said he saw the greatest news over the weekend when Paris Hilton was sent to jail. He said that she showed up 20 minutes late for a court date. He said the judge was probably not going to give her any jail time until she showed up late. He said Paris is a retard and he has nothing against her. He said you can see that when she talks. He thinks that her parents are also in the ozone with her because they're on her side in this. He said that when you show up 20 minutes late it's like you're forcing the judge to do something. He said that she was posing for pictures before she went in and then in the court room she was laughing, talking and then claiming she didn't know she had a suspended license. He said it was the greatest story ever.
Howard read through the story about Paris getting sentenced to jail and how her mother asked the judge for his autograph after all of that. Howard said she basically forced the judge to give her jail time with her behavior. She apparently told the prosecutor that she has people who read her mail for her so she didn't read her suspension notice herself. Howard said she really does seem retarded. They call her a ''celebutard'' in the article.
Howard played an audio clip of Paris talking about how she was treated unfairly and how the sentence was ''cruel and unwanted'' instead of ''unwarranted.'' He figured she went home and shaved her pussy after that whole thing went down. Robin said she wished the sentence was that she had to come on this show and answer all of their questions.
Artie mentioned that he won a little money over the weekend when he bet on the Maywether fight. He said he had some money on that guy and won. Howard said he has no idea who any boxer is these days because no one seems to care about boxing these days. Now that Mike Tyson is gone it's like no one cares anymore. Artie said that there used to be so many great fighters years ago but these days there's not that many great fighters that are known. He thinks it kind of has to do with Don King's likeability these days. He said he used to go to fights with his father and it was always so great back then. He said it's a shame that it's not that good these days.
Howard took another call about the Spider-Man movie. The caller thought that the end of the movie wasn't all that great but it was okay. Another caller said the movie was a little disappointing at an Imax theater. He said the screen was actually too big but the movie was good. He kind of liked the ending of the movie because it leaves it open to future movies.
The caller was also wondering where the Venom thing came from and if it played out right in the movie. Howard said it did play out because the meteor came from space. He didn't want to give out all of the details of the movie so he didn't get into too many details. He said he had to go to break after that.
Artie said the rich guy took his $100 and he ended up buying all three of them shots. Howard interrupted him and asked Scott to turn down the air conditioning because it was way too cold in the studio. He said he likes the warmth in the summer and wanted it warm in the studio.
Howard said he knows nothing about sports but the Yankees brought in Roger Clemens and when they made the announcement, the crowd went nuts. They did the announcement during the 7th inning of the game and the whole stadium went crazy. He played some audio of that going on and the female announcer, Susan Wolman, was going nuts herself. Howard said it's weird when a woman gets involved in sportscasting. Artie said that he once got in trouble for saying he had gotten down on the field of a game by saying he had won a Susan Wolman look-alike contest. Howard said that he'd rather hear a man talking during a game like that. Robin said they really do sound out of place when they talk and they have no business being there or at race tracks talking about race cars and stuff like that.
Howard said when he hears her talking he just doesn't believe that she's talking about that stuff like she knows what she's talking about. He asked Artie what he thinks about the Yankees and what they're doing at this point. Artie said that it's weird how there's no loyalty in the sport anymore and explained what he was talking about. Gary came in and talked about it with him and said that the Red Sox bailed on him years ago after he played for them for 8 or 9 years. He said Roger went and played for the Yankees for a while and then retired but then played for Houston for a while. He said that might be what angered Artie so much. Artie said the guy kind of fucked the team over because he claimed he was retiring but then stayed in the game but didn't come back to the Yanks. A phone caller agreed with Artie saying that the Red Sox didn't get rid of Roger, he left on his own.
Artie and Gary were going back and forth talking about the guy and what they thought the reasons were for him leaving the teams he left and all of that nonsense. Howard said he loves when Artie gets nuts over this stuff. He let him go on and on about it for a few minutes.
Gary asked Artie if he's happy with the way the Yankees are doing at this point. Artie said that he's not as excited as he would have been in the past about this stuff. He said he should ask him in about 4 weeks how he's feeling.
Howard had Lisa continue. Lisa said that Shuli followed Jason into work this morning so they'll have more on that and more on Jeff the Drunk's problems. Howard wondered how Jeff has an assistant like he does. Lisa said that she thinks that he's someone that helped him out at the grocery store that he was working at. Howard wrapped up with her after that.
Howard said her boobs were bigger than they were. The doctor said that they were bigger even though Cindy claimed they weren't. She said they're just fuller and more natural looking now. Howard asked the doctor about the silicone. He explained that when they are big on a thin woman, they have to do silicone. Artie felt her up when she was in last and she claims that she used to be a stripper and loves the big boobs.
Howard asked Cindy to show off her boobs and asked her where she got the money to do the work. She said it wasn't all that much to get it done. The doctor said it's between 8 and $10,000. She said that it's only something you do once or twice in your life so it's not that much money. Howard tried to find out how she made the money to get them done. She said she works at this sign shop and she's saved up the money for many years. She was also dancing and making money that way.
Cindy took her boobs out and showed them off. Artie went over to hear to feel them to compare them to what he felt last time. The doctor asked him to go easy because they were just put in over a month ago. Artie felt them up and said they were definitely bigger. He said they're softer and more life-like than they were before. He stood there for a short time and started to do his Nick Manning impression saying he'd be ''dropping loads'' on her signs.
Howard congratulated Cindy on her new boob job. She said her old boobs made it hard to sleep on her side because they had kind of moved to the side. Howard told her that Dr. Shuli wanted to come in and feel them up too. Shuli came in and asked her to whip out her fun bags. He felt them up and said that he feels they are legit. Artie said that he did a bronsky on her last time and wondered if he should do it again. He did that quickly an rubbed his face in between her breasts. He also did a motorboat, snow-blower that won't start and a helicopter. Dr. DePace came in to feel her up after that. Scott felt her and said they were nice.
Howard asked Cindy if she gets it on with chicks. She said ''not lately'' and also said that she has friends that she sleeps with. She said she doesn't make money from them or anything like that. JD came in a short time later as Dr. JD who said they felt soft to him as well. He even smacked them for some reason.
Howard told Cindy that she might be hotter with smaller boobs. She said that she used to have a web site where she entertained people but now she has to work a regular job. She didn't explain what that had to do with her still having big boobs though. Howard said she does seem like a fun girl though. He thanked Cindy and Dr. Davis for coming in. Dr. Davis congratulated Benjy on his weight loss as they were wrapping up.
Dr. Davis was talking about some new gel implants that are out and how they may not need to be replaced as often as regular Silicone implants. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
After the break Howard said that he was reading about how Rupert Murdoch is looking to buy the Dow Jones and how no one seems to be against something like that when they're against the XM and SIRIUS merger. He said no one even cared about satellite radio before he moved over to satellite, now they're all against the merger between the two companies. He said Rupert Murdoch is merging all of these huge companies and turning them into a monopoly and no one is saying anything.
Howard decided to give away some money and took a call from a guy who said he wanted to talk about Jeff the Drunk but they had already done that. The guy asked what a carbuncle is. Howard said that the doctors up there in Albany said it was the worst thing they had ever seen and didn't want him to leave the hospital. Robin said it's partially due to his poor hygiene and from the boil he had down there near his ass. The caller was also talking about how gross the Siobhan thing was on Howard TV. Howard said he asked Siobhan after the show if she had set it up with the magician dude and she said she had no idea how the card got into her fake pussy.
Howard said that he had $500 to give away courtesy of Vermont Teddy Bear. He had a new game called ''The Big Foot Couples Match Game'' where they ask Big Foot Mark to match up names with their partners like ''Sonny and... '' and he'd have to say Cher. The caller congratulated Artie on getting over 300 pounds. Artie said that Benjy was eating a ton of stuff already now that he's lost his weight. Benjy said he's going to keep up on the diet and he will get down to like 170 pounds. He said he thinks that he will look really cute if he gets down to about 170. Howard asked him if he got chicks when he was thin. He said he gets them even when he's fat but also said that he should be able to get more when he's thin.
Howard got to the game and played the first clip where Sal asks ''Batman and...'' and Big foot has to give an answer. The caller had to guess if he would know it or not. The caller said he thinks that Big Foot will know it's Robin. He was right. Howard played the second one which was ''Singers Donny and...'' The caller guessed that Big Foot would know it but he was wrong. Big Foot answered ''Clyde.'' The caller said that wasn't fair because Big Foot didn't understand the question. Howard said that's the way it goes.
Howard played the next one which was ''Comedians Abbott and...'' The caller guessed that Big Foot would know it. Big Foot said ''Moe and Curly.'' Howard told the guy he'll have to get the next two right to win the money. The next one was ''TV show Cagny and...'' The caller said he won't know it but he was wrong. Big Foot knew it was Lacy. Howard said he was going to have to say goodbye to this caller. The caller begged for another chance so Howard said that he would let him play 3 more but he had to get 2 of the 3 right. The next one was ''Singers Simon and...'' and the caller said that he will know it. Howard said he was going to try and help this guy and say that Big Foot probably won't know it. The caller went with Howard's pick and said that he would not know. He was wrong again. Big Foot knew it was Garfunkel.
Howard played the next one and it was ''Singers Sonny and...'' The caller said that Big Foot will know it. Then Big Foot's answer was ''Cloudy.'' The caller lost the game but Howard told him he was going to give him one final chance. He said that the caller has to hang up if he loses though. He doesn't want to hear him whining. The caller said that he would hang up himself if he loses. The guy asked Artie a question before the next question. He asked Artie if he was over or under 8.5 snacks for the morning. Howard said he was over 8, he had to be if he was over 300 pounds today. Howard talked to Artie a little bit about the weight gain and asked him when he's going to get alarmed that he's so heavy. Artie said he doesn't think he has any alarm left in him.
Howard talked to Artie about how much food he's eating today and how he's already had pancakes, a bagel, 3 Hawaiian punches and cookies. He said he has another bagel waiting for him. He said he's had breakfast already but there's another breakfast waiting for him out there in the office. Artie said he's going to be shooting another episode of ''Rescue Me'' tonight until 9. He's been hired to be on 7 episodes this season.
Robin told Howard that Artie was in the real estate section of the paper today over the weekend. They were talking about how he lives in Hoboken and they just about give out his address. Howard said he went to look at Bob Guccione's old town house and they're asking like $59 million. He claims that he can't afford that but both Artie and Robin said that's bull shit and that's only half of what he makes per year. Howard said that's not true and he doesn't make that much. He said that this town house was 20,000 square feet but it needs some work and he knows that will probably end up in the paper as well. Artie said there's a new building there in Hoboken near where he lives and there are some A-list names moving in there. He heard from the construction guys that Reese Witherspoon bought a place and A-Rod too.
Howard got back to the game and played the next Big Foot thing. It was ''Thieves Butch Cassidy and...'' The caller knew that was going to be a tough one. He said he was going to say that Big Foot would know it. Howard played Big Foot's answer which was ''Sundance Kid'' so the caller actually won the $500. Howard told the guy he won the money from Vermont Teddy Bear and put him on hold. He only needed 75 tries to win it. They bent the rules a few times for the guy so he could finally win that money.
Howard played a call that Richard made to Big Foot Mark where Big Foot went off on him about the ''ascriminated housing'' problems he was having. Artie said he actually made Richard give him that call on CD so he could play it for people. After that Howard played the Jack and Rod show where the guys had Big Foot talking to the guest they had on the phone. Big Foot was arguing with the guy about politics making no sense at all.
Howard said Big Foot chases everyone away, he's like a monster. He went on to play the rest of the Big Foot things. The next one was ''Beavis and...'' Big Foot knew it was ''Butt-Head.'' The next one was ''Ice cream Ben and...'' Howard figured he'd know it and got it right. The next one was ''From Sesame Street Ernie and...'' The guys said that was kind of worded wrong because it was always Bert and Ernie. Big Foot answered ''Moe?'' The next one was ''comedians Cheech and... '' and Big Foot knew it was Chong. Howard said the guy isn't a total idiot, he does know some answers. The next one was ''Ice cream Baskin and...'' Big Foot's answer was ''Weaving.'' The next one was ''The Odd couple Felix and...'' Big Foot threw in ''Moe'' again. He had used that one for at least a few answers so far. The next one was ''Comedians Laurel and...'' and Big Foot got Hardy.
Howard played another one which was ''Singers Hall and...'' Big Foot said ''Pink Floyd.'' Next up was ''TV show Laverne and..'' He got that right with Shirley. The next one was ''TV show Regis and...'' Big Foot said ''I don't even know what to say.'' Howard played the next one ''Animated movie ''Lady and...'' Howard didn't even know that one. Big Foot said ''The Prince.'' The final one was ''Opposites Yin and...'' and Big Foot actually knew that one.
Howard took a call from a guy who said over the last couple of weeks Howard has become the biggest, whiniest bitch. He wondered if he talks about this stuff with his therapist when he goes in. The caller also said that Artie's ''Entourage'' was awful with is bald spot showing. The guy then got back to the complaints about Howard and started rambling about the stuff he was complaining about. Howard hung up on him and said he wanted to ask the guy for an example of what he was whining about but he wouldn't stop talking. He said that's his job to talk about this stuff on the show. That's the show! He said he talks about the stuff that pisses him off.
Another caller said that he had started listening to the show after buying SIRIUS for NFL and saw Howard TV and thinks that Lisa G is fine. He rambled on about a few other things as well before Howard let him go. Another caller brought up Artie's weight and told him that he's got to start losing that weight before he turns 40. Howard said that Artie does things to extremes and right now he's eating food to an extreme instead of doing drugs. Howard was trying to give an explanation but everyone kept interrupting him. He said that Artie will always have things in his life that he will do to extremes. He said he loves Artie dearly though.
Artie said that he has always been like that. Howard said the problem is that Artie is still getting laid even though he's over 300 pounds now. He said he knows he has problems of his own though. He said that he and Beth were in bed by 8:30 every night over the weekend. He told the guys that she also admitted to him that she had lied on the air about not wanting to leave Gary's party that night they left in the middle of dinner.
Robin said that she was listening to the ''Stern Fan Roundtable'' and they were talking about how great it was when Beth called in. Howard said he and Beth love each other and they had a great weekend. He said they had sex multiple times and it was great. He said he's gotten e-mail from fans who ask him not to talk about having sex because it's gross to just imagine it.
Artie was also talking about how this job they have is really tough because they have to get up so early in the morning. Robin said that she got a call from someone who offered her a chance to drive in a race car on Saturday and she really wasn't in the mood to do it after doing the show all week. She said she did get up and drove the race car all day long on Saturday.
Howard said he doesn't mind getting up early in the morning and getting his day going. He said he was offered the chance to go to Scores last week but he turned it down because he was just so tired. He said Beth even told him he should go but he was really just too tired to get up and go.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they should do a Dating game for Robin on the show. She said she's not interested in that and doesn't want to date anyone at this point. She said she will not do dial-a-date on the show because she's not like these other people who need someone all the time. That caller was also asking Howard to play the ''Right Said Howie'' song parody that they did years ago. Howard said it was more of a visual thing he did on the Channel 9 show. That led to him talking about that song ''I'm too Sexy'' and how awful it was. Howard said they had those guys on the show one time and they were kind of nice. He said they weren't even gay even though the song sounded kind of gay. He said they're gone now and no one even wants to hear from them now.
Bobo called in and asked Howard about that crush that Beth had on the woman from the TV show ''The L Word'' and what ever happened with that. Howard said they did try to get her on the show but she didn't want to come on. He also said that Beth has no desire to be with another woman, she just had that girl crush on her and it didn't really mean anything. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard read an article about comedian DL Hughley who had brought up the Don Imus stuff while he was on The Tonight Show. He said that some of the girls really were nappy headed and they were some of the ugliest women he had seen. That got Howard talking about how Imus is suing CBS for firing him. He said Imus will probably get the $40 million and he won't have to work for it. He said he's really the luckiest guy in the business. He said he does deserve the money that CBS owes him even though he was glad he was fired. Howard said that CBS has a guy on the dump button and if they felt that was offensive, they should have dumped out of it. He said that CBS doesn't seem to have a case if they have the dump button that allows them to censor the show any way they want.
Howard talked about how he's been fired and how fighting the huge companies for the money is very expensive to do. He said a judge should just have to read the contract and give the money to the person that they owe it to. He said that every case like that should go to arbitration instead of going to court. If it goes to arbitration, the entertainer will probably win.
Robin said that Imus is suing for $120 million, not just the $40 million they owe him. Howard said that's not going to work and he figures that it's the lawyers who are pushing for that much. Howard said Imus won't get that much in the case. He said that you can get worn down by your own attorneys in those cases and he knows that. He said that they should only sue for the amount of the contract.
Howard said that he has bargaining power now and he would demand that all of his money be put in escrow from now on. He won't sign another contract without that. He got into that a little bit and then played some of the audio from The Tonight Show where DL Hughley was goofing on Imus. In the clip he was saying that Imus looks like a Werewolf that didn't finish changing. Then he went off the Rutgers women and how ugly some of them were. Howard said that guy is funny and if Imus was funny, maybe he could have gotten away with what he was saying. Artie said he was right about the Werewolf thing.
Howard said the video is great because The Hoff is trying to shove a hamburger into his face. His kid is telling him that he's going to get fired from his show if he's got any alcohol in his system the next day. Robin said she feels bad for the kid. The kid asks her father why he does this to himself. Hoff tells her he doesn't have a life and when the kid tells him he has her and some other people, Hoff tells her ''fuck you...'' and mumbles something to her. The kid tells him he's being an asshole and he's going to regret it the next morning.
Artie said that might be one of the most depressing tapes he's heard. They spent a short time talking about that and how depressing it was to hear.
Howard heard that Richard took a shit on the plane and jerked off twice. He also got cut off from drinking because he'd had so much. Howard said he really makes full use of the airplane by taking a shit and jerking off like that. Richard said the whole plane stunk from his shit too. Artie said he used to imagine fat guys not being able to wipe going into those little bathrooms and now he figures the people look at him that way.
Howard asked Richard about the jerking off thing in the bathroom. Richard said he stood up the first time he did it and then sat down the second time and beat off. He brought his video iPod in there with him to watch some porn. He said he was really stressed out on the flight and had to release his stress somehow. He said that he has to go to the doctor and get something to help him out on his next flight.
Howard said the guys sent him some video of all of that crap going on out there in L.A. Richard said Bob Levy went down to work out in the hotel gym and he was doing about 20 pound lifts. Beetlejuice was working out as well and yelling out the N-word to Bob as he was working out. Richard said one woman came into the gym at one point but she ran out when she saw Beetlejuice sitting there on a bike. Artie said he asks Bob why he still does this stuff at his age. He doesn't get why he's still into that.
Howard said he heard that Richard almost didn't get on the flight because there were some Hasidic Jews wearing their typical outfits. He thought they were terrorists. Richard said Sal told him that they were ''the good guys'' when he asked about what they were doing.
Howard said he got an e-mail from Tim Stack who was the star of Son of the Beach. He said he just ran across the script that Hank the Dwarf had written for them. Howard said he wanted them to produce it but they never did get around to that.
Jon Hein gave his Wrap Up Show preview and said that they'll be talking about the Battle of the Blobs thing and also about Cindy's new breasts. They'll also talk about the Big Foot game and how that went. Howard wrapped up with those guys and had Robin start her news after that.
Howard let Daniel go and took a call from Scott Ferrall who was talking about how much fun he had this weekend up in Canada. He said the fans were amazing up there. He was going on and on about that and Howard said he thinks that Sour Shoes' Scott Ferrall is better. Robin thought that this was Sour Shoes on the phone but Howard told her it was the real Scott this time. Scott also told the guys that they're going to be out in Las Vegas soon for a UFC fight. Howard let him go and then went to break.
After the break Robin got to her news that Howard asked her to start earlier before they were interrupted. She read through a bunch of stories. Howard took a call from a guy who said he doesn't want to see Howard end up like David Hasslehoff in 10 years after he's retired. Howard said he'll never be like that. He doesn't drink like that. The caller said he's worried that Howard is going to retire in 3 and a half years. Howard told him not to worry until that time rolls around. They'll have a big discussion on the air about a year before his contract is up. He said in the meantime, just enjoy the show.
Robin wrapped up her news and Artie got in a plug for a comedy gig he's got coming up in Pittsburgh on June 29th at Heinz Hall. Howard ended the show around 10:30am.
Howard started off the show talking about how his dad was ranting and raving about the XM /SIRIUS merger yesterday. He said he actually ran into him out on the street yesterday. He sends them to his gym once a week and he ran into them down there. He said his friend Pat has a program for them to keep them alert. He said they're actually in good shape for an 83 (Ben) and a 79 (Ray) year old. He said they've been walking and keeping in shape doing other things.
Howard said he took his parents to a high school running track one time. That was some time after his divorce. Artie wondered what ''ablutions'' were since Howard had used that word when he was talking about what his parents do in the morning. Howard explained it to him and then got back to his father's discussion about the merger. He said his father was talking about the other nonsense that Congress is talking about instead of just letting this merger go through. He said they're spending too much time talking holding back this merger when there are much more important things they should be doing.
Howard told Gary to call his father later on so they can talk to him about it. He was also talking about how his mother uses sesame oil on their bodies and that led to their pipes being blocked up from the oil. She uses that when she does her Transcendental meditation stuff in the morning. Robin said she may have been using too much of the oil on herself and that might be why she got into trouble with that. Howard said she thinks it's terrific because it lubricates your skin and makes it softer. Howard said he told her he uses it himself but he just says that to keep her off his back.
Howard said he never tells his mother anything these days because she freaks out and starts asking too many questions. He said if he tells her that one of the kids has a cold she'll start asking all kinds of questions. He said he just says 'yes' to everything she asks. He was also talking about how she asks him if he meditates twice a day because he needs to do that to stop from getting sick. She thinks that if you meditate you won't get sick but when she gets sick, she thinks that she just did something wrong.
Howard said his mother once bought an ice cream spoon to dish out hard ice cream. She loved it until she turned it over and saw it was made in Germany. These days she doesn't care about that kind of thing. Howard said they never had any German cars themselves but he has one himself. Howard said his mother isn't like that much these days since she took up the meditation thing. He said it was quite a change after she started that. He said she used to tell him stories about her family getting taken by the Nazi's and killed when he was about six years old. He described the discussions and told the guys what she would say to him. He said that's why he's completely warped out of his head. He used to hear these stories at 6 years old.
Howard talked about his father and how he would tell him how he didn't have any shoes when he was a kid and how they would get evicted from their apartment every week because they never had any money to pay the rent. He did an impression of his father talking about that stuff. He would have stories about him losing seven layers of skin and things like that. He said there were a ton of stories that they would tell him. He said his father would tell him about his relatives and the order they were born in and how there were 3 kids born before he was and how they died because they didn't have antibiotics.
Howard said his father would tell stories about relatives being killed by cars and things like that and he'd have no idea why he'd tell him these things as a little kid. His mother would then double team him and tell him stories about her side of the family and how people died. He said that she would tell him about her mother dying and how she was considered and orphan because of that. He said he was afraid to leave his room after hearing stories like that. He wasn't able to think straight after stuff like that. Robin said she can't believe that Howard doesn't write horror movies after telling stories like that.
Howard said he walks around feeling like he's a big ugly Jew that someone is going to kill after hearing all of those stories from his parents. He did impressions of his mother telling these stories. He said she'd tell him about the awful childhood memories she had and everything she went through. He said he'd never ask them about the stories, they'd just tell them to him. He said he wanted to kill himself after hearing them of course.
Howard said he's got stories going on in his head as well. Artie asked him how his father became an engineer. Howard went into his father impression and explained how he got into the engineering field. He said everything bad would happen to him in these stories too. His father went to school to learn the engineering stuff and he had to do that on his own since his father didn't want him to do that.
Artie asked Howard who told him that his piano teacher had killed himself. Howard said they both told him about it and it was a relief that he didn't have to play anymore. He explained how he heard about the guy killing himself and how relieved he was that he didn't have to play anymore. Robin asked if he thinks he's passed on this fear to his kids. Howard said he doesn't think he has because one of his daughter's is overseas studying. He said she wasn't afraid to go over there.
Howard said his father told him how they'd move apartments every month or so while living in the Lower East Side of New York City. He said he never heard any positive stories from that guy. He said that his mom would tell him about how her mother died under suspicious circumstances so he actually went back and researched it to find out if the stories were true. He said that she did die when she was pregnant but his mother thinks that the hospital killed her. He said that's why she's so afraid of going to the hospital herself. He said that she used to tell people that she didn't want to raise her kids to be fearful but she told all of these horror stories.
Howard said he's got to get his parents on the phone later to tell these stories. He talked about some of the other horror stories they'd tell him. He played a prank phone call the guys made using audio clips of his father talking about politics. They had him arguing with the hosts of a call in show. They also used some audio of Howard's mother talking to those guys but they eventually hung up on her figuring out that it was a prank call.
Howard said he was always worried that he was going to lose his parents or end up moving every month because they were broke like his father did. He took a phone call after that from a guy who asked if there will ever be another Meet the Sterns show. Howard said they were going to hook his parents up with an ISDN line in their house so they could do the show from there but he got the feeling that they really didn't want to do it so he backed off. He said that they say they'd do it but they're doing it for him, not because they want to do it. He said that the last time they did something they didn't have their card service show up on time and his mother gave him a hard time about that. Howard said that was his worst fucking nightmare when that happened.
Howard did an impression of his mother freaking out about the car service, the food they didn't have and a few other things that went wrong that day. He went back into the impression of his mother and told more stories that she told him when he was a kid. He said that they were living in horrible conditions when they first got married and things like that. He said it was like Nightmare on Elm Street when they'd tell these stories.
The caller got Howard talking about his father's Rob Roy drink. He said his mother would spend like an hour making the drink for him and he'd come home and get pissed if it wasn't just right. He'd actually tell her that it was better the day before if it wasn't just right. Artie said that drink is very complicated and if you ask for one these days, the bartender will look at you like they want to punch you in the face.
The caller asked Howard if his mother was a good cook. Howard said she was great. He said she had to learn to cook living in the conditions she lived in. She lost her mother when she was young so she had to learn that. Howard said he also had a story about how he was named. He said that was another horror story. He said his mom told him that he was named after his great grandfather ''Hesht.'' He said she told him that it was her mother's father who lived in Germany. He had a family and when the Nazi's came, he moved to America and got a job. He moved the family around but ended up forgetting about them and married another woman. He left the family in Germany to die. He said she told him that his grandmother hated him. He's not sure why but his mother named him after that guy because she would play with him when she was a little girl and he treated her very well. He couldn't believe that she named him after a guy who left his family in Germany to die.
Howard told more stories about his mother's grandfather and the crazy things he would do. He said he sees the world as a very scary place after hearing all of those stories from his mother. He said he tries not to think about that stuff these days but it's all there in his head somewhere. He said he sucked all of that stuff up like a sponge while his sister doesn't seem to remember any of it. He said he doesn't talk to his sister about that stuff though. He said they just say ''hi'' and that's about it. He tries not to think about all of that stuff when he's with his family. Howard said his mother would say he's exaggerating if she heard him talking about it. Artie said most families have dark secrets and he didn't hear about his until after his father was paralyzed. Howard said he really has to call his parents later to talk to his father about that merger thing.
Artie said that his sister is 38 years old and she just paid off her student loans from college and there are a lot of kids who have the same problem. That's the kind of stuff they're going to talk about when they talk to Howard's father.
A phone caller told Howard he's glad that he didn't run around the campus of Boston University shooting everyone after hearing those stories. Artie said that he could have gone two different ways and he chose to go in the right direction but he's still miserable. He told Howard that he should talk to Woody Allen because he seems to have the same kind of outlook on life as Howard does. He and the guys talked about how Beth seems to be happy but she didn't have all that great of a childhood according to Howard. She's just one of those people who is always happy.
The caller told Howard that Jeff is very arrogant for someone in his position. Howard said that they should donate all of Benjy's extra skin to Jeff for that ass there. The caller suggested that they weigh everyone in today to see who gained back their weight. The guy wanted to know how much Artie was up to but Artie said he's not going to weigh in more than once a week.
Howard asked Benjy how much he ate yesterday. He said he ate more than he wanted to but not all that much. Howard said he saw Scott the Engineer eating like mad after the weigh in. Benjy said it's hard not to just sit down, watch TV and eat. Howard said he does that but he eats healthy when he's sitting there. Howard said Scott the Engineer went and had Wendy's for dinner. The guys all wondered why he'd do that after being on that diet for so long. Scott came in and said that he did do that but he's back on his diet today. He said he's keeping up the work out thing and still trying to lose weight.
Artie asked Scott what he had to eat. He said he had a bacon cheeseburger and fries but no soda or anything like that. Howard heard that he was farting in his studio yesterday but he said he was just rumbling, not farting.
Eric said that he's not desperate for a job like Lisa made him seem. Howard said he was calling them asking for a job so it did sound desperate. Howard said Eric wants a job working for the Maloof brothers at some arena. Lisa G came walking in around that time and wondered what story he was talking about. Eric said that she didn't even interview him about the story. Lisa said that she works on a lot of stories and she's not even sure what he's talking about.
Howard played the tape of Eric calling in and asking about helping him get a job. It was very hard to understand so Howard bailed out on it. Eric said he's not desperate for a job but he is looking for some help getting one. He said he has spoken to someone at WWE Films trying to get a job helping out with promotions or something. Robin told him that he must have someone out there to help him out. He said that he hasn't gotten back into the LPA (Little People Association) where they might be able to help. Howard let him go a short time later and Eric actually said ''Thank you'' as he was hanging up.
Artie and Howard said that it would be nice if she got naked instead of doing gay shit to the boyfriend. Howard told the woman, Mandy, that maybe they could have her play a game and strip down when she gets questions wrong. She eventually agreed to do that so Howard told Gary to set that up. He told her that if she loses she'd have to have her boyfriend get the tea bag thing done. She said she'd rather get that herself instead of getting naked. Howard said they'd have to get some questions ready for her before she came up.
Howard said that Gary could write the questions because he remembers everything about the show from the past. He asked Mandy about her breasts and found out they're C-cups. Richard said he might have to take himself out of this thing because he might catch shit from his girlfriend if he does anything with a woman. Howard told him he has to do it because it's part of his job. Richard said if he has to, then it might be alright.
Howard put Mandy on hold and told the guys to go prepare for her to come up there with some trivia questions. Sal said that this really is the best job in the world. He might get to give her a tea bag thing with his balls. Howard played a new Baba Booey song parody that Sal put together. He said that Richard also put together a new Droppin Loads song parody together so he played that as well.
Richard said that he couldn't stop looking at Benjy because he looks so odd with the shaved head. They talked about how strange he is looking with his head shaved. They goofed on him a little and then Howard read some mail about Benjy's odd behavior and how he can't give a straight answer when he's asked questions. Some people still think he cheated in the contest somehow and couldn't have lost 27 pounds in a week the way he did. Benjy said that he has lost a lot of weight since this thing started and he is going to lose a lot more.
Howard quickly played that and then talked about a note he got about the DL Hughley clip he played from The Tonight Show. It turns out that the line about Imus looking like a Werewolf that hadn't finished changing was actually Dennis Miller's line that he had used weeks before. Howard played the clip from The Tonight Show and compared that to the Dennis Miller comment from the Bill O'Reilly show. DL got a big laugh on that show. Howard then played the Dennis Miller comment where he made the same comment about Imus' looks. Miller said that Imus looked like a werewolf that only had enough energy to get half way through the transformation. Howard wondered if DL lifted that from Miller or if it was just a coincidence.
Robin wondered what a comedian can do about something like that. Artie said that Dennis should call DL and ask him if he lifted it or if it was just that they had the same thought.
Howard said he likes to watch chicks getting off but he has to see them having sex to actually get off himself. He also told the guys that he will jerk off for Beth sometimes and she likes to see him doing it. Artie said he's never done that because he'd feel too weird. Howard said that he doesn't really look at Beth when he's doing it but she can still kind of see what he's doing. Artie said that if he's into a chick enough he could probably get off watching her getting herself off. He said he'd really have to be into the girl though.
Howard asked Nicole if she would have phone sex with one of his listeners. She said that she would but she'd like to do it with Howard even though she knows that he probably wouldn't do it because of the whole Beth thing. Howard took a call from Governor Schwarzenegger (Fake Arnold) who wanted to have phone sex with Nicole. He spoke to Arnold for a short time before he got into that. Arnold also told Howard he wanted to have phone sex so Howard let him get into that. Arnold told her that she was going to be his housekeeper and she was illegal and dropped a vase the other day. He's going to threaten to deport her and asked her what she's going to do for him. Nicole then told Arnold that she wanted to get spanked by him.
Nicole started to get dirty with Arnold and he was moaning and making odd noises and calling her names and telling her what to do. Arnold told her to take a shit on him and things like that. He told her not to talk to him like that. He then told her to stick a leaf blower on his giant cock and demanded it from her. Then he said he blew his load all over his kitchen. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go a short time later. Governor Schwarzenegger said things will be much better after finally blowing his load.
Howard tried to do another phone sex thing with the Pat O'Brien audio clips but Nicole couldn't understand them. He changed his mind and brought JD in to have phone sex with her instead. Nicole got right into telling JD what she was wearing. She asked him what to do so JD told her to take off her clothes because she had too much on. She took her bra off and started licking her nipples after JD asked her to do that. She was telling him that she was showing her pussy. JD asked her if it was wet and she said she was going to do that for him. Then Howard had Wood Yee clips telling her what to do. They had a few new audio drops from him that they played. Howard cut that off and wrapped up with Nicole. He gave her a plug for her web sites NicoleSheridan.com and MovieQuickie.com. She said that the clip of her getting off to the other chick should be up by Friday on MovieQuickie.com. Howard told her they'll have to get her back in there some day. She said she'd love that and she will be making him a bachelor party tape just in case he never has a bachelor party. Howard said he'll have to have her there if he does have one.
Howard was about to let her go but the guys called in with audio clips of his father to have phone sex. Ben didn't get dirty, he was just talking politics and things so Nicole said that she had lost her horniness.
Howard said he doesn't buy a word of it and he probably just doesn't want to talk about it. Jon said that he has jerked off but didn't do it a lot when he was in college. He said he can't remember when he masturbated last and he usually just does it with his wife when he gets horny. He said they have a good sex life and he's satisfied with that. Howard said he has to jerk off just about every day if he doesn't get sex. Jon said he admits he might be the strange one in the room but that's the way he is. He said he doesn't really watch pornography much either. He said he has done that in the past but not all that much. He also said he hasn't really looked at Playboy lately either.
Artie asked Jon if he's been into any hot chicks who have been on the show. He said he does get that way but he doesn't really have to go and jerk off. He said the thoughts just go away. Artie said he doesn't get how he gets rid of that. Howard said he almost had to beat off looking at a picture of Cameron Diaz in the paper today because she had a great looking ass. Jon said he doesn't get that way that much. Artie asked him about the times he has done that and how it comes about. Jon said that it's usually when he hasn't seen his wife for a while. He doesn't have to do it all the time like some people do.
Artie said that he can't function when he's horny and he has to release or he can't function at all. Howard said that he won't go as far as Richard Christy has by jerking off in the airplane bathroom while flying back from California. Jon and Howard both said they just don't get that. Artie said that when you're home though, you can't fight those feelings.
Howard had a clip from Greg's show that he played. Greg and Andy Richter were talking about taking a finger in the ass from a woman while they're having sex. Andy said he's taken that and let the woman leave it there. They said they both enjoy doing stuff like that and Greg said that he used to stick a pencil up his ass when he was jerking off as a teen. He wasn't sure if that made him gay or not.
Howard reminded everyone that Greg once wanted to find out if he was gay so he went down to find someone to blow but then ran away when the guy whipped out his dick. Howard said he's never thought about testing himself over something like that because he just knows that he's not gay. He also thought it was odd to stick a pencil up his ass and said he's never had the desire to stick anything up there.
Howard played another clip where a caller asked Andy if he was a fan of Howard's and if he knew that Conan was a fan. Andy said that he thinks that Conan might listen once in a while but he's not sure if he's a huge fan. Andy talked about how it's tough to hear Howard and Robin talking about you for too long sometimes. He talked about how Robin and Howard have goofed on him for leaving Conan's show and being a loser for doing that.
The caller Howard had on the line suggested that he send Sal and Richard into the back and have them reenact a gay porn clip they play on the show. Howard said he'd do something better and play a prank phone call to a phone sex line. The guys called a phone sex line and had clips of Mike Walker talking to the phone sex operator. They had Mike making a sheep ''bah ah ah'' sound for the woman and having her get him off as if he were a sheep. They also played his fart clip in the middle of it. Howard wondered where they get those clips of Mike making those odd sounds. Richard said that he got that from one of the gossip game stories he did one time.
Howard asked Ben to talk about this XM/SIRIUS merger thing. Ben said he was reading about that and about student loans and how there was an investigation that the loans are a big rip off. He said that the government wastes a lot of money and that's what they're doing with this merger thing. He said that their values are completely screwed up and that was what he was talking to Howard about.
Howard said his father can't do anything about this because he usually just goes for a walk and then comes home to stare at the wall. Ben said that he's been watching all of this nonsense about the merger and how they really shouldn't be worrying about this nonsense when they have so many other things to worry about. He and Howard also talked about the NAB and how they're doing their best to block the merger and they wouldn't be doing it if Howard hadn't moved there.
Ben said that most people don't know what's going on in Washington. There's so much nonsense going on down there that it's ridiculous. Howard told his dad that they've had 3 meetings with Mel Karmazin about his merger and now they're saying that there's about a 20 percent chance of the merger happening. Howard and Robin talked about how people don't have to subscribe to satellite and if the prices go too high, people will stop paying for it. They should just let the merger go through and stop worrying about everyone so much.
Ben brought up a few other things that the government doesn't give a damn about but they should. He said that this merger thing is something they shouldn't be wasting time and money over when they have so many other things to take care of.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it was great to hear Ben Stern cursing on the air. He said ''chicken shit'' at one point. Howard took some more phone calls and one guy suggested they give Ben his own radio show. Howard said he would do that but he doesn't want to bother his father. Ben said he'd rather just call in once in a while when he's all worked up about something.
Howard and Ben talked about the merger thing some more and how it appears that terrestrial radio seems to be so afraid of satellite radio for no apparent reason. Howard said that they hate Mel Karmazin and they hate him, that's what it seems like to him. Ben said that they should be investigating student loans and Medicaid problems instead of this merger nonsense.
Ben had to go to a doctor appointment today so Howard had to wrap up with him. Ben said the has to go to a podiatrist to get his feet taken care of. He said he goes about once a month and they check his feet and clip his nails for him.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to his father about this whole thing. Ben said that he really had to get going after that. Artie asked Ben about Rupert Murdoch trying to buy the Dow Jones so Ben got into that a little bit. He said that no one is questioning that merger, they're busy thinking about the satellite merger. Ben said that he doesn't understand it and thinks that he's living in the Twilight Zone when he thinks about this stuff. He said he really had to get going after that.
Howard let his father go and spent a few more minutes talking about the merger stuff and how ridiculous it is that they're spending so much time and effort on that nonsense. He took a call from a guy who said that he has said in the past that he doesn't care about terrestrial radio and doesn't compete with them but now he's saying that they do compete against them. Howard said this guy was confusing a bunch of conversations. He said he doesn't compete directly with radio shows in the morning but satellite does compete with a lot of things for people's attention. In that sense he is competing with terrestrial radio. He got aggravated and hung up on the caller and moved on after that.
Howard said that this past weekend they had an adopt-a-thon at the North Shore Animal League and Jason went down and got a dog. He said he thinks that they were able to get 600 dogs adopted over the weekend with that adopt-a-thon. Artie said he had a friend who had a puppy just to pick up chicks. He said the guy was able to make that work and as soon as the dog got big, he got rid of it.
Howard wondered where Mandy the Superfan was. The guys brought her in a short time later. She had called in earlier to get up there. Howard said she was there with her boyfriend Gary. She said that she's never been naked in front of guys before. It turns out Gary is her husband, not her boyfriend. They came in all the way from San Diego for this and Howard said that she agreed to get naked. Gary said he never heard her agree to that but Howard and Robin said she did.
Howard said they did have some money for Mandy if she does win this trivia game they're going to play. Sal said that he's got a tea bag jackhammer pudding pie thing ready for her if she loses. She has to strip down and get that tea bag thing if she loses. Howard said that they have a few questions for her and if she gets them wrong, she starts stripping down.
Baba Booey said that they need to know how they're going to do this. Howard said that they're going to have her take her top off for the first wrong question. The second question would be her bottoms off. Mandy said that she's going to be terrified if they're going to rip her apart if she gets naked. The guys all said that they would not rip her apart. Howard told her that she will really only have to get topless and maybe get the tea bag thing. He told her that she can keep her panties on.
Baba Booey thought that she had agreed to do this whole thing on the phone. She said that she kind of did so Howard quickly got into the trivia thing. He was about to start but Mandy said she couldn't get topless. Howard told her he'd have to let her go if she doesn't do it. Her husband said that he agreed to the tea bag thing but not the topless thing. Howard took a call from a guy who said that they should get kicked out of there. Howard said he was going to kick them out then. Richard suggested they have Ronnie talk to her because he's good at talking women into getting topless.
Baba Booey said that they had things to do today and they made time for them to come up and now they're backing out of the deal. Howard had Ronnie come in and talk to the two of them. He thought that they knew what they were coming up for. Mandy said that she spoke to someone on the phone named Steve and he told her to just come up. Ronnie told her to forget about that and said that she has to do the right thing and just play the game. They're not going to make her get totally naked. She stopped him and said that she just couldn't do it. Gary said that she could leave there thinking it was the most memorable day of her life but now she's going to get kicked out.
Ronnie said that he would rather take his top off than have someone's ugly balls on her. Her husband said that she's down for stuff like that but not taking her top off. Howard and Gary agreed that they were going to cut their losses and kick them out. Gary told Will to take them out the back door, not even out the front door. Artie told them they could stay if they bought him some French toast.
Sal and Richard really wanted to do the tea bag thing so they looked very disappointed. Robin said that they lied about getting in there even though Howard was willing to let her do the tea bag thing. Gary asked if anyone on the staff wanted to get tea bagged for $500. They still had the money to give away so a bunch of guys showed up to get balls on their face. One of the guys was an intern but Howard wasn't going to let that happen.
Gary suggested that Sal and Richard tea bag each other and split the money. Richard was willing to do it but Sal wasn't going to take the nuts on his face. Sal said he didn't even want the money so Richard could have it if he let him put his balls on his head. He said he was going to dip his balls in pudding and bash it into Richard's face until it was covered. Sal said he was going to dip the vanilla first and then hit him in the face. He quickly did that and told Richard told him to just get it over with. Sal started to bash him in the face with the vanilla and then chocolate pudding.
The guys were throwing pudding and Richard bashed Sal in the balls with his hand which made him groan in pain. Sal was jamming Richard in the face with stuff and he had to stop him somehow. He said Sal went above and beyond what he was supposed to do. Sal went and poured another thing of pudding on Richard's head again so he threatened to hit him in the balls again. Robin said it didn't look like pudding either. Howard said he had to go to break and this was a very upsetting segment. He took a call from Yucko the Clown who said that he wanted them to end this already. He said it's enough with the nuts and the gay shit already. Howard said he heard that Yucko is going to be on the Andy Dick roast. He was just added so he'll be there for that next week.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he can't believe all of this gay shit. Howard said that it sounds gay on the radio but when you see it on TV it's very funny. He went to break right after that.
Jeff said he appreciates the help he was getting from everyone but he didn't like everyone pushing him into doing something. Artie told him that they've been telling him to wipe his ass for years and he never did that. He told Artie to shut the fuck up.
The guys told Jeff that they're going to be removing part of his ass to get rid of that infection. Jeff didn't think they were but that was basically what they were going to have to do. Jeff said he's not sure if they're going to cover it for Howard TV. Howard said they really should. The infection on his ass was so severe that the hospital said they'd never seen a case like it before.
Artie said that Jared sounds like a nice guy and he should be grateful for that. Jeff said he really is a nice guy. Howard wondered how that guy can make money if Jeff can't even make money. The guys said that he used to own that grocery store that Jeff worked at so he's got money. Artie said his own manager wouldn't even drive him to the hospital and he gives him about $200,000 a year.
Howard told Jeff to get himself down to the hospital soon. Jeff said he had a delivery coming today that he had to wait for. He had to wait for a delivery of cigarettes. Howard said that sounds silly and wondered if Jeff knows that. He said he didn't know that his brother was staying home today so he could accept it for him. Jeff said he could do that. Howard and the guys asked him how much he buys. He said he gets 5 cartons and they're about 18 bucks cheaper per carton when he orders them. He said they're Marlboro 100s.
Dominic said that he told his driver not to give Jeff the money he gave him last week until he got to the hospital. Jeff demanded it as soon as he saw the driver and the driver gave it to him. Jeff thanked Dominic for that $1000 that he gave him. Howard let both of them go a short time later.
Artie was wondering how many packs of cigarettes Jeff is smoking and figured it was at least a pack a day because he goes through those 5 cartons in 3 weeks.
Gary talked about the cigarette thing that Jeff is doing and how they're trying to ban that kind of cigarette sale through the mail. They spent a short time talking about that before Howard moved on. A phone caller asked about that Mark Harris ''I'm A Gay Papa'' song because there was a song he was going to play yesterday. Howard played some of Mark's version of the song and played the end of it since he'd never made it through the whole song before.
Howard said that Richard took the song and tried to turn it into a rock song. He played that version but it was still gay according to Robin. Howard played another cover of the song that was an acoustic version. Howard let that play for a short time but bailed out after a short time. He played the original version that Mark Harris did and tried to get through the whole thing. Artie said he was done after he heard ''I'm a gay...'' so Howard cut it off. He replayed the Bleeding Deacons version that he played yesterday and then played the end of Mark's original version again.
Howard played a new Dice song that Dan the Song Parody Man created. There was another song parody that a fan sent in for Robin's news theme. He played that but had a hard time understanding some of the lyrics. Robin understood them and told Howard what they were. He had another one that was a parody of Foo Fighters ''Best of You'' which was called ''Breasts on You.'' Howard said he liked that version better than the Foo Fighter's version. Howard said it was an epic and went on and on. He cut it off and said that all of these songs are inspired by Robin's news.
Robin was talking about how she still wants to date but not at this time. She said that she's been watching Katie Couric dating her younger man lately and seeing that the press is bothering her in the news. She said they should just leave her alone. Howard wondered if that's because she wants to date someone young herself and be left alone. Robin said she still plans on dating at some point.
Howard asked Gary to come in after a caller asked where the song parodies all started. Gary said he wasn't sure when it started but they had that one guy who talked over Robin's news theme in the Spanish accent. Howard said that might have been the first one. That was actually banned from being played on terrestrial radio so Howard said they should really play it again. Howard said he'd try to get that on today. They might not be able to find it today because they may have to go digging for it in the archived tapes.
Howard was goofing on Gary because he always knows when things happened. He was doing an impression of Gary telling him when something happened on the show.
Howard tired to get the story out of this woman but she was dragging it out. He threatened to hang up on her so she tried to tell the story again. She described what had happened and threw in a plug for a web site. That's when Howard knew that he was full of crap and hung up on her.
Fred found the song parody thing that they were looking for earlier. He found the guy talking in the Spanish accent over Robin's news theme song. He played the bit and had Robin laughing hysterically. Howard said he loves that bit and said it was the best. Gary said that was from back in 1996 or so. Fred said he was able to find it in the system after remembering it was something he wanted to save.
Howard said he read something in the news about a kid who had spiders living in his ear. The kid kept hearing popping noises in his ear and it turns out there were spiders living in there. They spent a minute talking about that. They were the size of pencil erasers from what Howard read.
The guys were also talking about how that guy who made that Robin bit had actually won a watercraft that he didn't know what to do with. Howard said that he had to play it for a second time because the bit was so good. He replayed it and had Robin laughing her ass off again. In the bit the guy is doing an impression of Robin's father but he has this heavy Spanish accent that he doesn't try to change. He's talking about all of the stuff Robin's father used to do to her.
Howard said he asked the guy if he wrote that all down or if he had riffed it and he seems to remember him doing it off the cuff.
Jon Hein came in and ran down the stories they'd be covering on The Wrap Up Show today. They'll be talking about Nicole Sheridan's call, Mandy screwing them over with the game today and much, much more. That led to the guys talking about what Sal and Richard did in the studio earlier and speculating about which of those two guys have done gay things in their lives. Howard was pretty sure that Richard had done gay stuff in his life. He wasn't sure about Sal.
Howard said he thinks it's hysterical that Sal and Richard do that stuff but he wonders about if they're really gay. Richard said he wouldn't get any pleasure out of jerking Sal off like Howard was suggesting. Howard said if they gave him a thousand bucks he'd probably do it. Richard said that he would never blow Sal for any amount of money. He might jerk him off for a certain amount. Fred asked Richard if he'd let Sal put a dildo in his ass for $100,000. He said he would do that, but not for any less than that.
Howard told Sal to stick a pinkie up Richard's ass but Sal didn't want to do that. The guys were throwing ideas out to both of them trying to find out what kind of gay shit they'd do for what amount of money. Howard said that Richard would kiss Sal's penis for a thousand bucks. Richard swears he wouldn't but then said he would lick Sal's nuts for $5,000. He said that nuts are different than a cock. Artie was going to pull out his check book and write the check right then. Richard said guys do stuff with their nuts all the time so it's not a big deal.
Richie Wilson from Howard TV suggested they have them stand next to each other naked and see who gets hard first. Artie said he was writing a check right then and he wanted to see Richard lick his nuts for 10 seconds. Artie actually wrote the check out to Richard and got the spelling of his name right. Sal said he wasn't going to let it happen but Howard told him to go through with it.
Howard told Sal to just let him do it. Sal said he wasn't getting anything out of this. He wanted some money too. Howard told him he could have the money if he did the licking but Sal wasn't going there. Artie showed Richard the check and he had written ''gay stuff'' in the memo line. Sal asked for something but all he was going to get was $500. Jon Hein said he'd throw a thousand bucks into this and Sal finally agreed to do it. Richard was going to have to lick his balls for 10 full seconds. Gary said he'd give Sal another 5 grand if he stuck the head of his dick in there for a second. Sal said he'd rather stick his head in a wood chipper.
Tim Sabean said that the people in the building are riveted. Sal was about to back out and said that he didn't want to be called the gay one. Sal said he was getting a text message from a friend of his who is his son's god father. He was demanding that he call him ASAP. Howard told him to just get to it and do it already.
Howard said you know that penis is going to end up in Richard's mouth. Richard said he didn't agree to that though. Howard said Richard had to get on the floor and Sal had to do it tea bag style. The guys got down on the floor and they started but they hadn't set the clock. Richard said he was going to puke down there. They set the clock and started the 10 second licking thing. Sal said he couldn't believe he was doing it. Richard spit and started making puking sounds. They replayed it on the monitors in the studio so the two gay guys could see what they just did. Sal said that he just lost any dignity he had left in him. He said he feels that his kids are going to see this on video some day when they're in school.
Richard said he picked a spot on his balls that wasn't too hairy. Artie couldn't believe that he now knows a guy who licked another guy's balls. Robin said that after that it looks like Sal has a gay hairdo. Artie was asking Richard if he wanted to do another stunt for another five grand to take Sal's cock in his mouth. Richard said he just can't do that. Artie said it already looked like he was blowing him so why not just do it. Sal wasn't even able to watch the video of it on the monitor.
Richard said that people have already called them every name in the world so they can't call them worse. Will said that they've set the bar so high that they can only fuck each other to get more gay. Howard said he thinks Sal is so freaked out because he's questioning his sexuality. Sal said he's really not, he's just having an out of body experience right now. He said his father has never called him a fag before, but after this he will.
Sal said that his balls were all sticky from that licking thing. Richard said it was the pudding that was on them earlier. Ralph called in and said that he turned on the radio and heard Artie writing out the check for Richard right after he woke up. He said his favorite part was when Richard was gagging and overacting like he didn't like it. He said that was like Artie's fake cough when he calls in sick. Artie said that from now on when he calls in sick, he's going to lick a guy's balls before he does it.
Artie said that he doesn't think that he could ever do that for any amount of money. Howard noticed that Sal's sack is like completely black. Will asked Sal if it felt good. Sal said he didn't feel a thing and really doesn't know what it felt like. Ralph said that he should have dropped his cock on him while he was doing it. Sal said that's not him, that's Ralph and Sam Simon but Ralph said that Sal is the gay one now, not him. Howard was going to go to break but he got a call from Lee over at In Demand who was editing this show. He said it's the gayest thing they've ever done and they're all going to have to change their business cards to gay TV producers.
Rev. Bob Levy called in and said that he can't work with these guys anymore after this. He said he knew it was going to happen some day but didn't know it was going to be while he was eating breakfast. Sal left the studio during all of that. Howard told Richard that this means that they're going to have to top themselves somehow over the next 3 years. They probably will somehow. Sal was out in the hall crying so they goofed on him about that before Howard went to break.
Howard said that he found Sal's thousand bucks in his wallet so he called him to come into the studio. Artie said Sal is out moping around in the hallway. He actually went out to go down to have a cigarette after that disaster.
Howard took a call from Mutt who said they're going to be talking to Sal and Richard's moms this week for Mother's day. He wondered if Howard had any other questions for them to ask. Howard told him he should have a bunch of new questions. Howard took a bunch of calls after that and got people's opinions on what had just gone on. One guy said he's not gay but he couldn't get away from his radio. He wondered how those two can go home to their wives and girlfriends after that. Howard had Robin start her news right after that.
Sal and Shuli came back in a short time later. Shuli said Sal cheered up when a fan walked by and told Sal that the segment was great. He was all bummed out until that happened. A caller said that he thinks that Sal and Richard will eventually break down and butt fuck before Howard's contract is up in 3 and a half years. Shuli said he went out into the lobby earlier and everyone was listening to the show even those people who don't listen every day. Howard said he was debating about whether or not to put up a picture of this stuff up on HowardStern.com. He figured he'd have them put up just one picture.
Howard asked Sal what it felt like to get his balls licked like that. Sal said it was wet and cold. He also said that this is the first person to have contact with his balls in the past 5 years which was very sad. Howard congratulated him for the ball licking and let him go so Robin could get into her news.
Howard interrupted Robin's news and read some of a petition that's on the web about keeping Paris Hilton out of jail. The petition was a joke from what he could tell. He said that she showed up to court 20 minutes late and she deserves to go to jail for thinking that she can pull crap like that.
Howard said that he thinks the only news story worth talking about is the fact that Richard licked Sal's balls. Robin said she had a lot of other things to get to. She insisted on reading through those stories so Howard let her do that instead of spending the whole news segment on Sal and Richard. High Pitch Mike from Howard 100 News came in and told Howard that Steve Langford had just spoken to Mr. and Mrs. Christy about what their son had done and their reaction was like when the military comes to a family and lets them know that their child was dead. He said they'll have more about that during Howard 100 News today.
Robin went through the rest of her news and Howard ended the show around 11:05am.
Howard started off the show talking about Bruce Willis and how he said ''mother fucker'' while being interviewed at a Nets, Raptors game the other night. He had an audio clip of it so he played it for everyone. Willis was talking to a reporter and was okay for a short time but then when he was asked about Die Hard 4 he threw in his ''Yippee Kiyay Mother Fucker...'' as he was signing off. The guys spent a minute talking about that saying and trying to figure out what it even meant.
Howard said he saw Rev. Bob Levy yesterday and he was telling him he was writing a song parody about him. He said he's not sure what Bob is up to and if he's trying to write bad songs or if he thinks they're actually good and they think they just suck. He played the song that Bob was working on and it was called ''Chess Board Homo'' to the tune of ''Juke Box Hero.'' Howard said he thought it was over after the first couple of lines but the song keeps going. He let it play through a little more and asked ''Is Bob a comedian?''
Artie made some comments about Bob and how maybe he's not a great comedian. He said he knows Bob will be fuming at him for saying stuff like that and it should work good for the upcoming roast show they're doing next week. Howard played a little more of the song and then bailed out on it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he knows the origin of ''Yipee Kiyay'' and said it was Roy Rogers who made it what it is. Fred said it was older than that and it wasn't Roy Rogers. He read through some stuff on the web where it talks about where the saying came from and it went back to Gaelic times. Benjy was arguing with him and saying something else but Howard cut him off and said they brought in some wigs for him to try out because he looked so disturbing with no hair.
Howard played an audio clip of a parrot saying ''Baba Booey'' that he thought he had played before. He quickly did that and then played a voice mail that Crazy Alice left. He said she was complaining about something but he's not even sure what it is she's upset about. In the call Alice says that the ''gooks are coming'' and the ''spooks are coming'' to a house near him. She said that once they start coming they will keep coming. She made some ghost sounds and tried scaring Sal who she was leaving the message for. Howard and Robin tried to figure out what she was trying to say in that but they weren't sure.
Howard played some clips from yesterday's Wrap Up Show where Richard was talking about how he doesn't think his balls are a sexual object like the penis is. He and Gary were going back and forth about that and Gary was telling him the balls are the cock's next door neighbor.
Howard figures that Bubba the Love Sponge is going to take his show to the next level and have his guys doing even gayer stuff than what Sal and Richard did. Robin said he is making his guys lick balls if they do anything wrong on the show. Howard wondered about the cell phone thing Bubba did on his show where they put the phone in a woman's vagina. He thought it was a silly stunt but now he's wondering how that would work and if he should give it a try.
Howard played more of the Sal and Richard discussions from The Wrap Up Show. Richard was talking about how he and Sal pee together in the bathroom and cross streams of piss. Robin said she thinks that Richard has to be bi-sexual at the least. Artie said he thinks that he was ripped off and paid five grand for someone to do something they do all the time. That would be like paying him five grand to eat.
Gary came in and said that there's a Steve Langford report where he breaks the news to Richard's parents and it's pretty funny. Howard played the clip and got a few laughs out of that when he heard Richard's mother talking about how disturbing that was. She thought about washing his mouth out with soap. Howard played a bunch of voice mails that the guys got where guys were calling in and repeating ''faggot'' over and over again.
Howard got sidetracked and played a clip of a porn chick who sounded kind of like a choo choo train. It wasn't quite like a choo choo train so Richard said it was also like a police siren so he compared it to that as well. Howard thought it was closer to the siren than the train. He played the siren a few times and played the porn clip as well. Richard said he likes the chick who sounds like a monkey as well so Howard played that, and then broke into Bob Levy's ''Chess Board Homo'' for a second.
Howard asked Richard if he's spoken to his parents since yesterday. Richard said he hasn't yet but he figured they'd be okay with it. He also talked about the cat licking thing and said he's never done anything like that, he's never had a cat lick his balls but he has had a cat lick his arms.
Howard took a call from a guy who talked about how great yesterday's show was with all of the cool stuff that went on. Howard said he was talking to Beth about it and never thought that it would get so gay on the show. He said he has a lot of e-mail about that Sal and Richard ball licking thing. Robin said she thinks that Richard would go all the way with that gay stuff for the right amount of money. Howard read through some of the e-mail after that. Some people were saying they need to move the show to Out Q which is the gay channel on SIRIUS. Other people think it's a waste of show time and they should stop. There were a ton of e-mails about the gay stuff and a lot of it was negative. Robin said that some people wondered why Artie was the one paying them to do it since he usually walks out of the studio when they get gay. Artie said he just wanted to see how gay they could get and that's why he paid Richard that five grand.
Howard got back to the e-mail and read through a bunch more. There were some positive e-mails and one guy said that Sal and Richard have been great on the show and they should keep them around for the rest of the time they're on SIRIUS.
Howard read some mail that didn't have to do with Sal and Richard. One person said they're worried about Artie and the fact that he doesn't care that he's hit 300 pounds. There was an e-mail about Howard talking about his family history and how he really doesn't know how bad a home life can really be compared to his veal-like life. Howard read one e-mail about Jeff the Drunk and Robin wanted to know if he ever made it to the hospital. Howard said he'll try to find out today if he ever did make it.
Howard played another clip from The Wrap Up Show where Richard and Sal were talking more about the gay thing they did. There was some discussion about who Sal trusts and who he would let lick his balls like Richard did. Howard talked about some of the creepy comments that Richard made yesterday during that whole ball licking thing. Richard said something about how he found a bald spot on his balls when he was licking him.
JD said he used the deodorant yesterday so he's not sure why he stunk. Howard asked him if he's nervous about the upcoming meeting with his mother at the family reunion. He said he's not and that's not coming up until August. Howard explained why JD would be uptight because his mother ran off with some guy from Hawaii and left him about 8 years ago.
Howard and Fred were goofing on JD about the Hawaii thing and playing some Hawaiian music in the background as they were goofing on him. JD said that his mother did come back to visit him about 8 years ago and she does love him. Howard gave him a sarcastic ''yeah'' when he heard that. Robin said she came back to get her clothes after running off with the guy from Hawaii. JD said that his mother would like him to call her more but he's just not a talker. He and his father don't talk so much, it runs in the family.
JD said that he woke up late today so he didn't shower before coming to work. He said that he showered Monday night and he shouldn't stink. He said this was a one day thing and he's sorry he offended anyone with his stink. Artie said that when you live in a shitty apartment it's hard to wash yourself properly so he gets it. JD said he has a roommate and they have one bathroom in the apartment so they have to share it. Artie said that the bathroom is probably filthy and it's probably a mess.
Howard said he heard that JD has roommates who don't pay their rent. JD said that none of them have paid rent lately but he didn't want to get into all of that on the air. He said they haven't given him bill money lately but the guy just got hit by a car recently so he's had issues getting his check with his broken leg. He told everyone to calm down with that stuff.
JD said that his roommate has a job and gets paid so he does okay. He said he works up in Harlem and right now he's got that broken leg so it has to be tough for him. Howard told JD to get out of there after that and said he's usually a clean guy. Artie said the only thing he's smelled is JD's breath. JD said he brushes his teeth but also chews gum to try to keep that stink away. Howard asked him how many times he brushes his teeth. JD said it's at least once. Howard told him to brush his tongue as well. JD said he does that. Howard told Gary to buy him some Listermint to help out with the stink and the plaque in there. He also said that now he knows why his mother won't come back to visit.
Howard said he likes JD and that's why he's spending time on this stuff. Howard heard that JD got a bruise from playing softball so he checked that out. It was a nasty bruise so they asked him how he got it. He said he got a hit and ran so hard that he tripped and fell. JD said that he was safe thought so he did okay. Howard said they played the Maury Povich show last week and actually beat them. Artie said he wanted to play last week but he was down in Florida for a gig. He said it's usually boring when you play against girls because they're so bad. He said they sometimes give them 4 strikes instead of 3 and it's just boring.
Gary told Howard that JD is upset because Kimberly Kane took him off her top 10 friends list on Myspace. JD said he must not call her enough so she took him off her list. Howard heard that he's in love with a Scores girl now. JD said that everyone loves some Scores girl. JD likes this one girl Celeste and she told him her real name. JD thought he was special for that but she apparently told that to Will as well. Will came in and said that he got the same rap from her that JD did so he's nothing special. They both got the same name from her. JD said that everyone is a douche bag around there.
JD said he got Celeste's number but she rarely calls him back when he calls her. The guys goofed on him about that. Robin said she probably thought he made good money working on the show but now she knows he doesn't. JD said she already knew he didn't make good money working there. The guys asked him what he says to her when he calls her. He said that he just calls and says that it's JD and asks her to call him back if she gets the chance. Howard told him to give her a hard time and demand that she call him. She gave him her number so she must have wanted to talk to him.
JD said he has gotten calls back from Celeste but they can never work out a good time to hang out. Artie asked him what he would do if he hung out with her. JD said they were going to go see Borat but that fell through. He said he has money to take her to a movie but Howard told him that he'd help out if he needed some money for a date.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard what's up with them hiring people who don't shower. Howard said JD usually doesn't stink so it was a surprise and not a regular thing with him. Another caller brought up the Sal and Richard gay stuff and said they really have to back off of that stuff. That caller also said that he had downloaded his movie ''Beer League'' when he downloaded it to his Xbox. Artie didn't know what he was talking about since he's not into that stuff. The guy explained how you can download movies to the video game system. Howard just got Amazon Unbox which allows you to download movies to your TiVo.
The phone caller brought up the story that was in the news about some terrorists who were going to attack Fort Dix in New Jersey. Howard got into that story and talked about what he heard about the guys who were planning the attack. He said some of them were legal immigrants here and some were illegal. He said that this country being so good to people is biting us in the ass. Robin said they caught the guys after they brought a tape to a store to dub that showed them shooting and saying ''death to America'' and things like that. That led to the FBI preparing a sting over a long period of time so they could catch these guys.
Robin said that Eric could probably work at Wal-Mart or something like that. Eric corrected me on my spelling of the Maloof brothers. He said it's ''M A L O O F'' and not Malouf as I spelled it yesterday. Thank you Eric... ehhh. After hearing Eric again in a replay, I have to correct Eric on the name of my site. It's not MarkFreakins, it's ''M A R K S F R I G G I N.''
The guys talked to Eric about a comment he made about a guy who offered him a job working at the Exotic Erotic Ball. Eric called him a coke head or something like that and they didn't know why he would do something like that when he's offered a job. Eric said he was offered the chance to be the Grand Marshall of the ball but he didn't want to do it. Howard said that he was offered a job and that's the way he treats someone. Eric said he spoke to some people who said that the guy shows signs of being a coke head so that's why he said that. The guys said that they don't know why he'd say something like that about the guy. Richard said he knows the guy and he's a regular guy. He also said that the guy is trying to help him out but Eric turns him down. He heard that Eric was demanding $25 but the guy was offering him a hell of a lot more than that. Eric said he never demanded any money though.
Howard played a clip of what it would be like if Eric got a job at one of the Maloof hotels. Sal and Richard created the bit where they had Eric taking someone's bags up to their hotel room. Eric was having troubles with his electric wheel chair and things like that in the bit. Howard asked Eric what he thought of that. Eric said it's not anything like what it would sound like. Howard said the Erotic Exotic Ball thing sounds like fun to him and he thinks he should take the job. He let Eric go after that.
Howard took a call from this guy Gay Tony who said that some of the comments they were making about the Albanian guys earlier was wrong. He said that Robin made some comments that were incorrect and she was talking out her ass again. Tony was saying that Robin was talking about rules and laws they have in a specific country and not about the religion. She was blaming the laws on the religion and not on the country. Howard said he doesn't know why so many people want to push their religious beliefs on the rest of the world. He said that it's puzzling to them that they do stuff like that. Howard let Gay Tony go and went to break a short time later.
Artie said he was never into that band. He said he liked Nirvana and Sound Garden but he never got into the other stuff like this band Creed. Howard said he wasn't into Nirvana that much. He said he didn't dislike them but these days he turns it off when he hears one of their songs on the radio. He said he knows that they were important and all of that but he'd rather go see Pearl Jam over Nirvana. He said he likes Green Day too. Artie