| Monday | Tuesday |
|
|
| Wednesday | Thursday |
|
|
| Friday | |
|
Howard started off the show asking Robin not to tell him her problems because he doesn't tell her his. He didn't go on any more about that. He went on to say that Robin and Alison Norris set up a surprise engagement party for he and Beth so they did that last week after the show on Thursday.
Howard asked Robin if she checked her messages over the weekend because he left her a 5 minute message about the party. He said he always feels like a douche bag when he does that. He left a message for Fred and he got that but Robin hadn't gotten the message he left her. Howard also said he throws parties for people and they never thank him.
Robin said she just checked both phones and she didn't have any messages. He said he left her the message on what he thought was her cell phone but he said it's possible it was her home phone. He said he's never calling her again because she never gets his messages. He knows that her voice mail said her first name but Robin said she doesn't have one that says her last name. Howard passed the number to Gary and asked him if that's the right number. Gary checked it out and said that he'd check it against the number he called.
Howard said he was never going to leave another message for Robin if she doesn't get the messages. He said it was a long message and he can't believe she didn't get it. Gary said the number he calls is Robin's home phone. Robin checked her messages again but nothing was there. Howard was pissed because he said the message was really nice and very long and he couldn't recreate it.
Howard said the party was very nice and he really can't trust Robin's cell to give her the messages. Fred said it might be delayed because that's happened to him with Verizon before. Howard said that's ridiculous and couldn't believe that it would be delayed.
Howard said the party was held at this Cafe Grey and it was really nice. Artie was there and made a great speech for them. Robin said that Artie really is good at that stuff. Artie said that he had kind of thought about it and wrote some stuff down when they got there. He didn't have a lot of time to think about it before that. They had some audio from the event so they could hear some of the speeches. Howard said he hates getting up and speaking in front of people because he's not witty and he doesn't have any good lines to say. Artie is unbelievable when he gets up and starts talking. Artie said he's been doing that for 20 years now so that's why he's good at it.
Howard said he sees why Artie is worshiped by some comedians. He has a lot of talent from what he's seen. Artie said that he can come up with stuff pretty quick and just has to scribble some stuff down on a piece of paper. He did that with his table card at this party. Howard said Artie reminds him of this chess player Anan who is one of those guys who is just amazing at what he does.
Howard said he got to meet Artie's latest girl over the weekend. He said he was kissing Artie's ass in front of her to make him look good. He said Artie looked like a bum when he saw him over the weekend though. Robin said that he was the only person who didn't call and ask what the dress code was. Howard said Gary was wearing a T-shirt too and he noticed that he was picking at it the whole time so that was kind of annoying. He told Gary to buy bigger t-shirts if they don't fit. That led to Gary talking about how he was wearing jeans and a sport jacket over the t-shirt.
Artie said that the invitation said it was supposed to be ''elegant casual'' so he had no idea what that meant so he told his date to be elegant and he'd be casual. Artie said his date only made one rookie mistake and that was talking about getting a picture with Howard when she met him. He told her to hold off on that until later though. Howard said she was very hot. Artie said he didn't get laid over the weekend. The relationship is going well although he said it wasn't really a relationship. He also said that she was very into meeting the guys from the show and she was genuinely happy to be there with him.
Howard said Artie's speech must have impressed his date as well. He went into the audio right after that. Artie joked about the size of the portions that they were serving there because they were so small. Artie then talked about his blood sugar levels and joked about that. He also joked about the wine selection and how he'd like to have the same at his intervention. Howard interrupted and said that he couldn't understand much of what he was saying because it was recorded on a video camera without a microphone. Howard wondered if the audience could hear it and took a call from a guy who said it was pretty garbled.
Artie talked about the different things they have on the Mr. Softee truck and how people can see him walking around with chocolate syrup on his shirt during the summer. Mike said that the van might be parked outside their building on Wednesday morning. You can find out more about this free preview at HowardStern.com/free.
Artie told Robin that her parties are always amazing and she does a great job every time. They talked about how Dominic was trying to be funny like Artie was during the party so that's why he got up and started making his speech. Howard said his agent was rolling his eyes while that was going on.
Howard said that Scott the Engineer decided not to come to the party so that was kind of weird. He always complains that he's not invited to stuff and then he decides not to show up to this one as a form of protest. Scott had to work on Friday unlike everyone else so that was his excuse. Scott came in and said he had family stuff to do on Thursday. He said his son was leaving for Europe on Thursday so they wanted to spend time with him instead of going to the party. Howard said he never wants to hear him complain again about not being invited to stuff.
Scott went off on Howard saying that sometimes family stuff is more important than that stuff. Howard told Scott to just stop complaining about not being invited. He told him he's just a jerk. Scott asked what the big deal was if he wasn't there. Howard said it wasn't a big deal but he doesn't want to hear him complain about that stuff anymore. Howard asked Scott what the real reason was for not showing up. Scott said it was the family thing. Howard told Robin not to invite him to anything else anymore. There's no point in inviting him because he fails to show up to stuff.
Gary said that the only two people who said no were Scott and Doug Goodstein. Doug had a real family emergency so he really wasn't able to make it. Howard said that there were other people there who had to work on Friday that went to the party. Scott insisted that wasn't the reason he didn't go.
Howard said that Scott's workload has been reduced since they got there but he's still complaining about the amount of work he does. Gary said that it is a little less because he doesn't have to deal with ''Best Of'' anymore and he doesn't have to deal with the affiliates anymore and stuff like that. Scott said that he works with Jon Hein on stuff and other things like that. Howard kept asking Scott if his workload was reduced or not. Scott just wouldn't say that it was reduced.
Howard told Robin not to invite him to anything else. He took a call from Bobo who said that this guy is a real asshole not to go to that party. Howard said that Scott's son was just going to Europe for the 50th time and they had to spend time with him instead of going to this party. The kid isn't going to war, he's just going to Europe and he'll be back. Howard said Scott is always complaining about being ignored and then he fails to show up to something that he's invited to.
Howard asked Scott how long his son was home. Scott said he was home a couple of months. Howard wondered if they sit there and cry when he is home. He told Scott he could have come to the dinner and gone to dinner with his son at some other time. He went off on Scott about this chip on his shoulder he has and how he thinks that no one gives him any respect.
Sal the Stockbroker came in and asked Scott what time his son left. Scott said something about a 10 o'clock flight but then Sal said that Scott was telling him that his son was leaving at 5 and he wasn't going to make it to the party which was at 6. Sal said Scott just said he didn't want to go and ''fuck the party.'' He also said something about how Scott was saying that no one else in his family wanted to go to the party so that was why he wasn't going too. Howard let Scott go and Artie noticed that Lisa G was waiting for him outside the studio. They talked about that for a few seconds.
Howard said Sal's speech had nothing to do with the engagement, it was all about his career. Sal said that he was going for something about how great Beth is for Howard but no one believed that's what he was going for. Sal's comments were making it seem like everything he was saying was still all about Howard. He was saying something about how Beth was Howard's gift for entertaining people for the past 30 years. Howard let Sal try to explain what he was going for but the more he talked, the bigger the hole got.
Howard told Sal that his speech giving abilities are muddled and he's befuddled. Sal said that Howard entertains the world and he found someone that entertains him, end of speech. That's what he was going for. He said that Beth is like the gift that he was supposed to get for doing this radio show for everyone. Howard told him he's insane and needs psychotherapy.
Gary asked Sal to say something about Beth without mentioning Howard. He tried to do it but would mention Howard every time. Robin said that Sal stopped Beth and said that she has started to talk like Howard and that's a good thing. Sal tried to explain to Howard what the point of his speech was but he wasn't making a very good case. Fred and Robin were laughing at him as he was talking. Howard told Sal he was a fucking asshole after hearing his explanation. He tried to give Sal some advice on what he should have said. He said that Sal just sits there and sucks his nuts over everything and he didn't have to do that. Sal said he was saving the best for last by keeping her until the end of his speech.
Howard said that Sal is like Luca Brazi from The Godfather with the way he makes speeches. He played a clip from the movie where Luca is reading his speech from a piece of paper and stumbling his way through the speech. He said that they really should listen to Sal's speech because he talks about hearing Lesbian Dial-a-Date for the first time. That's not appropriate for an engagement party. Howard played more of Sal's speech where he talks about the lesbian dial-a-date stuff and everyone is goofing on him.
Artie said that Howard's agent was rolling his eyes when Sal was up there making his speech. Sal said something about how he knew that Howard was revolutionizing radio when he heard him mention the dial-a-date thing. Then everyone in the room started booing him. Sal said that Howard actually did get up and whisper in his ear to mention Beth. He said he was getting there but the guys didn't seem to believe that he was actually going to mention her.
Gary asked Sal what he meant when he was saying that Howard hurts inside. Sal said that they all hurt sometimes. That led to Artie singing a little bit of REM's ''Everybody Hurts'' and asked Sal if he wrote that awful song. Fred found the song and started to play it while Howard was goofing on Sal. Howard told Sal he really needs to see someone because he's really ''off'' and he really needs help. He said Sal's brain should be in a cast like his broken arm is. Sal said he was just trying to say thank-you to Howard and to tell him that Beth was his prize. He kept saying that she was his prize which is why they were all going off on him for being so dopey.
Sal said he was picturing a standing ovation after making the speech but that's not what he got. There were people standing but no ovation. Gary said that he heard that Sal and his wife were doing nothing but bickering there. Sal said he was trying to eat with this broken wrist of his and his wife was goofing on him. He said that Will's fiancé was sitting there with her mouth down to her knees because she was so surprised. Will came in and said that his girlfriend was really uncomfortable with the whole thing. He said they were trying to one-up each other but it got really mean. They were going back and forth and it got really uncomfortable to watch.
Gary said that was one thing with Sal and his wife but then there was Richard whose teeth were stained red from the wine he was drinking. Howard said that he had to talk to Richard when he got there. He was wasted by the time he got there. He talked to Richard and said that he was coming off bad already and the night was young. Robin said she told him that he didn't have to drink so much so fast because the bar was going to be open all night. Howard told him that there will be more alcoholic drinks in the future, he didn't have to drink them all there.
Howard told Richard that he should have a glass of water after the wine but Richard told him he had some already. Artie said that he wondered where these guys were brought up after seeing all of that stuff going on. Robin said that they were supposed to just enjoy themselves and not get sloppy drunk. Howard said Richard gets this look on his face when he's drunk and did an impression of the look he gets. Artie said he looks like a retarded person when he drinks so much.
Richard said the wine was really good and he started out drinking champagne that was also very good. The guys were all laughing and goofing on Richard about all of that. Howard told Richard he needs guidance and really shouldn't drink so much at parties like that. He told Richard that he was a bore there and he should take it easy on the booze. Sal was cracking up and said that he and Richard stood in the front when they all yelled surprise and Howard passed right over them and went to Dominic.
Howard told Richard to take it easy on the booze from now on. Richard said the party ended early so he was glad he drank what he did. He also said he had a good time that night so he thanked everyone for the party. Howard told the two of them to go back to their office and do some work.
Gary said he had one more interesting party story. He said that during the cocktail hour there was a small incident where Artie's girlfriend dropped something in her shirt and Scott DePace's wife had to help get it out of her cleavage. Artie said that she's kind of young and she said some things that he didn't get. He said she was talking about her dress being ''banging'' and he had no idea what she was talking about. He said he felt really old at that point.
Robin and Artie talked about how great Benjy's girlfriend was at the party. She got up and made a speech about the only two people who weren't engaged at the party and how they were the two fat, sweaty slobs that were sitting next to her. They were Benjy and Artie. Artie said that was great. Benjy said she was actually writing stuff for him at the party and he didn't write her those lines.
Howard said the party was great and thanked everyone for that. He said the food was excellent and they had a great time there.
Artie was saying that this guy Cam'ron was asked what he would do if he lived next to a serial killer. The guy says he would just move, he wouldn't report the guy. Howard played some audio from that 60 Minutes interview where Cam'ron was telling Anderson Cooper about how he's been taught not to be a snitch and about that serial killer thing. Artie said that made him laugh out loud when he was watching it.
Howard said he'd like to see the whole 60 Minutes show if anyone has it. He and the guys went on to talk about the guy who shot up the VA Tech school, Seung-Hui Cho. They did a report about that on 60 Minutes last night so they went over that. Howard said the guy has a pretty normal family and it's not clear why he went nuts and ended up killing all of these people. The guy was apparently planning to do that for a long time and no one knew.
Artie said that the kid's family knew something was wrong with the kid but they didn't know what to do about it. They didn't know that he was able to get guns the way he did. Artie said that they were talking about how there are a lot of guns that come through Virginia because their laws are so lax down there. Howard interrupted and said that they had a lot of other things to get to this morning.
Gary told Howard they had one more clip of Sal and his wife bickering from the engagement party. Howard went to that and you hear Sal's wife talking about how if she had to do it again, she'd marry a Jewish man because they help out more in the marriage. She claims that she does it all, and more, for Sal. Sal was going to try and defend himself but he stopped himself from going off on her. Then his wife called him a chicken. Sal asked her when the last time was that she blew him. She asked him when he last took a bath. Sal said he takes a bath every day. Howard gave that a ''wow!'' after hearing it. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said he heard that Lisa was upset she didn't get to go to the engagement party last week. She said she would have liked to have been there. Robin said that the room was only so big though. Howard said Lisa was saying ''What's four more people?'' but she didn't get that the room was already full. Howard said he would have loved for thousands of people to have been there but they just can't do it. Robin told Lisa that she was already over with her invitations and she was hoping that some people would say no. She said that every time she does one of these parties she has the same problem.
Robin said that she would have liked to have invited the whole news department but she just couldn't do it. Lisa said that she now knows where the line is drawn and it's at the news director and the rest of them were all just scum. Robin sighed and said that she can't win no matter what she does. Howard told Lisa that Robin is the one person who actually gets these parties done and can put something like that together. everyone else will say that they're going to have a party but they don't get it done. Robin does. He told Robin that it's a role in his life that he really likes.
Howard said that the worst part of what Robin does is that she has to draw those lines. Robin said that she has invited Lisa to some events. Lisa said that she is invited to some things but she's obviously not the ''every thing'' person. Howard also brought up the fact that Robin didn't get his voice mail. He thanked Robin again for the whole party.
Robin said that she was told she could only have so many people at the party and she had to cut it off at about 50-60. She said the room was going to get tight at 60 and she had the invite list at 57 and 3 people didn't show up. Lisa said that she was thinking of crashing the party that night. Lisa was at a music class because she plays the violin. Robin told her if she knew that she would have had her there as entertainment. She said that she would have them to her recital but not play it on the show because she's too shy with it.
Howard told Lisa that if she started dating JD, maybe she'd be invited to those events. Artie said that he feels bad and maybe he'd bring her if he knew that she wasn't invited. Lisa got back to the news preview and ran down a couple more stories that they'll be covering today. One of them is this ''Superficial Friends Vs. Howard Stern'' cartoon that's on the web. She also said that George Takei is returning to Heroes for the rest of this season and will be back in Season 2.
Howard also read that Opie and Anthony were thrown off in Dallas because that was another market they were in that they had a 0.0 rating in. Howard said that they had zero ratings in Dallas and Las Vegas. He thought it was in Chicago but it was actually Vegas.
Howard said there was some other good news in the article he was reading. Don Imus' producer Bernard McGuirk was fired over the weekend. He said he doesn't like it when someone loses their job. He said that he's been put in the position of stopping people from getting work and he doesn't like to do that. He said that XM came to him one time and asked him if they should hire them or not. He said he would never stop anyone from being hired anywhere but he is glad that Bernard McGuirk has been fired. He played a bit last week that Bernard was part of where he said that Beth had herpes and stuff like that. He said that caused Beth a lot of pain so he's glad that he's done and he hopes that he can't find any work. He said if he did come there and they offered the guy a job at SIRIUS, he'd probably have to let them hire him. He said that he's a bigger man than Bernard is and he wouldn't actually stop the guy from working.
Robin told Howard about how Clear Channel was experimenting with ''commercial free'' radio but they're actually incorporating their ads into their jock's discussions. Howard said that will never work because it will become part of the jock's discussions and it's going to come across as lame. They're going to try and be subtle and it's just not going to work. Artie said that they're going to have to script the shows. They spent a short time on that before Howard decided to move on.
Howard said that even with all of the crap that's been going on between Alec and Kim Basinger, you can't go off on your daughter the way Alec did. Robin said that Alec's ego has gotten in the way because he goes off on her about how she's humiliated him. Howard played the audio and stayed quiet through most of it.
Howard and the guys talked about Alec going off on his kids and how wrong it was. Howard said he feels bad for this kid because she must be completely crazed. She's stuck between these two people who come across as being kind of nuts. Robin said she's heard that the kid has been jerked around from the day she was born. Artie said he heard a story about Alec and Kim arguing on the set of Saturday Night Live one time and it was the loudest, meanest argument anyone there had ever heard.
Howard wanted to do a read of the transcript of that call to see who could do the best read. He got on his megaphone and did his impression of Alec making that call. He read through the whole transcript but he didn't come across as angry as Alec did. Artie gave Alec a ''Wah!'' after hearing Howard impression. Howard told Artie to work on his impression and study that transcript. Artie said that Alec is a master of diction too and you can tell that when you hear him going off on his kid.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that Alec and Kim have a deal where they have to be watched when they have custody of the kid. He told them about how the little girl has to deal with it all. Robin said that Alec has played right into what Kim wanted. The guys talked about some of the comments that Alec made in that phone call.
Howard said he would never say anything to his kid like what Alec was saying. He said saying it in a voice mail is the worst thing to do too. Dominic said that this kid is going to have a hard time getting comfortable with her father after the mother probably goes off on him the whole time he's not there. Gary said that it seems like Alec is so obsessed with this that he wants to write a book about what he's going through while his career is taking off again. He said that's just how obsessed he is with the whole thing.
Howard said that you just can't go this route with your kid. He said that he shouldn't be writing a book either. He said this is great for radio though.
Howard played some audio from the Wrap Up Show where Gary and Jason were talking about Artie and how odd his behavior was. Jason was saying that Artie did seem to be a bit out of it when he came back and he wasn't quite there.
Artie said that when Howard and Fred do that stuff, it's funny. When the guys on the Wrap Up show do it, it becomes serious and unfunny. He said that he doesn't need people doing that stuff because he's got stuff going on in his career that could get screwed up if people think he's on drugs. Howard played another clip where Sal was giving his theory on the whole thing. Sal was calling Howard an enabler for pushing for Artie to eat the crap he eats because he goofs on him during the show. The guys talked about how Artie is one of those guys who can eat in front of other people and doesn't have a problem doing it.
Artie said that when those guys talk about that stuff, it gets back to his mother and it worries her because she thinks that he's back on drugs. Artie said he's fucked up a lot of stuff in his life doing drugs and right now he's not on drugs. Jason said he thinks that Artie could be lying now but did apologize to his mother for upsetting her.
Howard said that Artie loads up with carbs during the show and he thinks that he just crashed toward the end of it so that's why he's been passing out lately. Artie said that he really isn't on drugs and Howard believes him. Artie said that he is close to 300 pounds and that's why he came close to passing out last week when he went down to the Cafe Metro to get his food. Jason said that there are plenty of 300 pound guys who don't pass out like that though.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the Alec Baldwin thing again. That got Howard on that subject again and talking about how you just can't do that to your kid. The caller was saying that they seem to be forgetting the background for the call. Howard said that this is different, the kid shouldn't be treated the way Alec did. Artie said that Alec said stuff to the kid that no one should ever say to a kid. The caller told Artie he's one to talk because his father once told him that he swung a baseball bat like a cunt. Artie said that's because he did though.
Howard talked more about Alec and said that the guy seems like a bright guy but he's acting like a 5 year old in that voice mail to his kid. Robin said that the kid just missed a phone call and he's going off on her like that. Howard said it makes you wonder why it matters so much to the guy. He said that he hopes that Alec comes back on the show sometime. Artie said that he had to take one of his Subutex pills after telling Jason that he wasn't on drugs. He said he has to take it when he feels that he's going into a high risk thing. He said when he's angry he tends to say fuck it and he'd be afraid that he might go there and take it.
The caller told Artie that he's really got to lose some weight because he's getting more and more disturbing looking. Howard said his parents actually sat him down and did an intervention with him when he was fat. He said he was married and maybe around the age of 30 when they came to him and told him he really needed to lose the weight. He said he shit his pants when they did that to him. He said maybe he should have his parents talk to Artie. Artie said his mother has done that to him but that hasn't worked.
Gary said that the Alec Baldwin audio didn't come out right on some radios so Howard might want to replay it for people who didn't hear it the right way. Howard said he had to take a break first and he's got other things to get to today. He took another phone call and ended up talking more about Alec and his treatment of his daughter. The caller thinks that's just the way parents talk to their kids but Howard said that's not true. Not every parents treats their kid that way. He said he would just have a discussion with his daughter if he was in a situation like that. He said he likes the Baldwins but this was a major faux paux on Alec's part and he can't side with him. He had to go to break after that.
Howard said he had a clip of Hillary saying this great line in one of her movies. He said he couldn't remember the name of the movie. He played the clip where she says that she wants the guy to ''stick that cock in my shit locker.'' She said she didn't come up with the shit locker term abut she was thinking it at the time they shot that scene. She said she really loves anal and loves doing in her movies. Howard said she has worked pretty hard in her career because she did some hard core stuff when she was starting out.
Howard asked Hillary about blowing 30 guys for one movie she did. He wondered if she goes home after that and thinks that she's got a weird life. Hillary said that day was kind of a weird scene and she didn't really get off on it that day. Howard asked her if the guy's looks matter to her. She said that if they can keep their cocks hard, that's what matters to her. She's not seeing anyone right now.
Artie asked Hillary to look at him and tell him if she'd let him put anything in her shit locker. She said she'd have to get to know him before she could say. Howard asked her about how she can have an ''assgasm'' when she gets it anally and it's actually better than a regular orgasm. Robin asked Hillary how she got involved in this industry so she gave a quick history of how she was stuck in a bank job and found someone who was in the business who helped her get started.
Howard asked Hillary when she came into the city and if she has had any sex since she got there. She said that she did have sex with a friend since she got there. She said she went over to this guy's place and she banged him silly. He's a financial advisor and she thinks that he's in his late 30s but she wasn't sure. Howard read that she has this gang rape fantasy so he asked her about that. He had her give all of the details. She said that she's thought about guys taking her into a warehouse and blindfolding her. They then strap her in and the guys have their way with her. She said it would involve at least 5 guys. She said she's like to be tied down so she can't move her arms or legs.
Howard asked her if the guys would be calling her names while that's going on. Artie started to go into his Alec Baldwin impression and read from the transcript from his phone call. Howard gave Hillary a plug for the web site SexZ.com where you can find all of her movies. He got right back to the anal discussion. Artie asked if she would let him put his cock in her mouth after he had it up her ass. She said she might do that as long as it's clean.
Howard asked Hillary about what she wants to do with her career. She said something about being interested in acting and Artie gave a bit of a chuckle but had to pretend that he hadn't when Hillary asked if he was laughing. Howard took some phone calls after that and one guy asked Hillary to talk dirty to him. Howard asked her to talk about the first time she had sex with a girl. She said that she was very young when that happened. She said that she hadn't gone through puberty and it was with her step-sister. Howard wasn't sure how hot that was and didn't know if he should keep going. Hillary said that it was just an experimental thing.
Howard read that Hillary was with some girl one time who burned her name into her chest because Hillary was so good in bed. Hillary said that she knew this girl in school and they hung out in the girl's brother's room and got it on in there. She said the other girl would always check her out when she was changing clothes and stuff so she knew something was up. She said they were just hanging out on the bed and their bodies kept getting closer and closer and then the other girl started caressing her back. She said they started kissing a little bit. They had been friends for a while and they had never discussed that stuff before. She said that the girl's hand eventually moved around to her tit and she started caressing her breast. Then Hillary started doing the same to her so they stripped down. She said that the sex wasn't all that great, it was just average. She said it was just fingers the first time.
Howard asked Hillary if she would talk dirty to the guy on the phone. She said she would but couldn't hear him so they had to turn up her volume. The caller told Hillary that he'd like to fuck her nice and deep in her ass and tried to get something going there. Hillary played along and talked dirty to him as Fred was playing some sound effects in the background. The caller was saying that he wanted to bang his balls into her clit so Howard had to interrupt and ask how he's going to do that. Howard had them get back to it after thinking about that for a few seconds. Hillary and the caller got very graphic but Artie seemed to be into it. The caller said he was trying to do himself but he said it was kind of tough being on the phone and all.
The caller said he was pretty much done at that point and past the moment. He didn't get off though. Howard and Artie talked about some of the lines that Hillary had used and one of them was about licking the ass juices off of him. Howard said that could be a song and started singing along to some Led Zeppelin songs. Howard said he's going to go on that SexZ.com web site and check her out.
Richard Christy came in and said that Hillary is really hot but he's actually had to turn some of her movies off because they're too hard core for him. He said there was one where she was doing bukakke and she had so much on her that it looked like she ran through an ice cream store. She actually wiped her face like a squeegee and wiped it into her mouth. Howard said he was about to gag just thinking about that. He's not a fan of seeing guys come like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard to get this chick on the Sybian. Hillary said that she had ridden it before. She wanted to make sure the Sybian was clean so Howard let her know that they put on a new attachment every time they have someone ride. Gary came in and asked Hillary if she's ever had a woman have an accident on her before. She said that it wasn't on her, but it was near her. She said that this woman was getting it in the ass and when the guy pulled out, she had some poopie juice come out. She said it was the brown, smelly kind, not the good kind. Howard asked Hillary what she says to another woman if she finds them to be smelly. She'll ask them to go douche again if she does that.
Howard asked Hillary to ride the Sybian. She agreed and went over to it and took her top off. Howard asked her to remove her panties too so she did that after they told her that the Sybian was clean. Howard asked her how much she weighs. She said she weighs about 98 pounds and is 5'3'' tall. Richard said that she once took a 13 incher from this guy Mandingo. She said that she didn't take it in the ass but she did take him vaginally. The guy couldn't get it all in there but she took about half of it. She said it's pretty amazing how the asshole stretches but she didn't take him up there.
Gary said that this chick was so hot that he was going to put on the mask without being asked to do it. He didn't want to ruin this for the guys who were going to be watching on Howard TV. Howard told Hillary why he was doing that and how he was hiding from the people so they don't get distracted by him. Howard said Gary was wearing a welding mask and was looking kind of Darth Vader-ish. He had Hillary get on the Sybian after that and she instructed Gary to start it out slow and build it up. Gary turned it on but it didn't start. Uh oh! The guys didn't test it before the show and they weren't sure what was wrong with it. Gary said that the problem is that the Sybian isn't getting electricity... Then all of a sudden they had it fixed.
Howard had Hillary start out at about 20 percent they ramped it up a bit and then kept it going until Hillary got off. She said it was pretty intense. Hillary was petting her area after she got off and said she does that when she gets off because it is out there.
Howard asked Hillary if she's ever had any famous guys. She said she's really not into that stuff. She doesn't go out to Hollywood parties and stuff like that. Artie asked her if she wanted to be with a D-level celebrity. Howard tried to hook Artie up with her but it didn't seem to be working.
Richard told Howard that Hillary can shove her own fist up her ass so the guys talked to her about that. Hillary said her hand is pretty small and said that she's had cocks up there that are bigger. Howard asked her if she ever sticks a pinkie up a guy's ass. She said that she doesn't usually do that because boy butts aren't usually as clean as a girl's ass is. Artie asked her if he would have a chance with her on the first date if he were to go out with her. She said she probably would because she would want to find out if he had a dick that was too small right away. She said that she wants to know if the guy has a two inch dick before she'll waste any more time with him.
Gary asked Hillary if she would go out with him if he offered her five grand right then. She said that she doesn't usually do that kind of thing and she'd want to have sex with the guy before she'd agree to it. Artie said that he'd give her 10 g's to have sex with her. Howard asked her if she'd do that with him. Hillary said that she didn't like the way Artie was talking to her earlier. She said that he was being condescending to her. Artie said that wasn't possible, he's never spoken to anyone in a condescending way. She said that he was also laughing at her when she said that she was going to school. Artie said he wasn't laughing at that, he was laughing at something in Page 6 in the newspaper. Hillary then called him a liar so Artie offered her 20 G's to sleep with him.
Hillary told Artie she thinks that she could make him enjoy taking anal. Artie said she must be out of her mind because he'd never do that. Artie bumped up his offer to 30 grand and his car for the weekend. She was still turning him down. Howard wrapped up with Hillary and told Artie that he might want to lose weight now. Hillary said it wasn't his weight, it was because he was being kind of a jackass. Artie raised his offer to 40 grand. She was still turning him down.
Hillary said that she really doesn't need the money and won't do anything that she doesn't want to do. That's why she turns down the escort money. Artie offered her 50 grand but she was still not going for it and told him that if he had been nice, she'd consider it. Richard asked her if she liked anyone in the room but Howard told him not to put her on the spot. He wrapped up with Hillary and gave her another plug for her web site and for ClubHillaryScott.com. As he was going to break Artie threw out a 60 grand and then a 75 grand offer.
Howard mentioned that there was an article out about how a study recently found that satellite radio users are using satellite to supplement their listening of terrestrial radio and that just debunks another argument that the terrestrial radio people have.
Howard started to replay the Alec Baldwin clip that he played earlier but had second thoughts about it because it was horrible to the kid. He feels so bad for the kid that he wasn't sure he wanted to play it again. He said he'd have to think about it for a while.
Howard mentioned that Toby Maguire is going to stop by soon. Stone Cold Steve Austin is going to be coming in as well. That led to him talking about this movie ''The Condemned'' and how much he liked it. He said that Steve is in that movie and he really enjoyed it. He didn't think that Robin would like it though.
Howard moved on to the Battle of the Blobs contest which is sponsored by Cylaris weight loss . Scott the Engineer had thrown out his breakfast because he didn't want to get weighed in after eating. Scott said he wanted to show people they had something to fear from him. Gary said that Jason was also holding off on eating today because of that.
Howard had Tim Sabean go first. Tim got on the scale and came in at 258 pounds. He was down by 2 pounds from last week. Jason was next. He came in at 230 pounds, another six pounds down. Brian Phelan was next and came in at 219 pounds. Scott the Engineer was looking thin to Howard. He only lost a pound last week but he was looking thinner. Howard said he was at 227 this week.
Howard said Benjy was looking fatter this week. He looked like he had something around his waist. He came in at 236 pounds which was only a 2 pound loss. Howard told him he's only got 2 more weeks left to lose. Gary said that Jason is in the lead and Brian Phelan is next while Benjy is in third place. Benjy said they're all winners if they lose weight. Jason thinks that Benjy might be putting on some weight until the final weigh in. Howard thinks that whatever he's doing isn't working. He still looks fat. Howard thinks that Benjy has lost his will to win. Here's how the contest has gone so far...
Howard asked Artie what he talked to him about. Artie said he told him about what he's gone through with his bouts of depression and he hopes that it helps him out. He said it's like therapy for him to talk about that stuff with people. He said you think that you're the only person in the world with those problems and he knows that it helps to talk to people about it.
Artie was saying that he was helped out a lot when he heard about some of the other people who went through these depressions and got through them. There were others like Hemingway and Hunter S. Thompson who didn't make it through their depressions.
Ralph called in and said he wanted to hear more about this Alec Baldwin thing because it sounded great. Howard told him to go listen to the replay. Ralph wasn't awake for it so Howard told him to just listen to the replay. Howard asked Robin if she wanted him to play it again. Robin said they should play it because it is news. Howard said he would but he found it to be very disturbing to him. He played through the whole thing abut didn't want to get back into the discussion about why it was so wrong. He said it appears that Alec has reversed roles with his daughter and he's become the child in that relationship. He put the word out to Alec that he thinks he should get some help. He said that he really likes Alec but he thinks the guy needs help. He also thinks that Kim is partially at fault because she actually released the audio to the press. They're both contributing to a child's nightmare.
Artie said he was listening to the Superfan Roundtable last week and Mutt asked if it was too soon for Sal and Richard to use the VA Tech killer audio clips in prank calls. Howard said that guy was too fucked up to use in calls like that. The guys on the show were saying that they should use the clips but Howard said they won't be using those clips... but they will be using the Alec Baldwin voice mail clips to make prank calls with.
Howard let Ralph go and said there was a piece of tape from the Wrap Up Show where Gary talks about how he feels responsible for Artie. In the clip Jon Hein asks if anyone feels responsible for Artie if something were to happen to him. Gary said he really would feel responsible. JD said he wouldn't feel it at all because he doesn't talk to the guy that much. Howard said that Gary calls him pretty often and they do talk about Artie and what they can do to help him.
Artie said that if he could lose the weight somehow, everything in his life would be a million times better. That makes him depressed. Robin asked him if he can go somewhere that would help him get to where he needs to be. Artie said he's not getting to the point where he needs to go away. He told a story about the day he spoke to the people from his movie company about how he was addicted to heroin. He said he had to lock himself away in his apartment to get off the stuff so that's what he did. Robin wondered why he has to hit rock bottom before he does something about it. She thinks that he should be in some kind of work release program where they lock him up after work. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Gary and Robin talked about statistics and what kind of people they might have working with them. They figured they have at least one person there who has herpes and hasn't told anyone. There's probably also a homosexual working there who hasn't come out of the closet.
Steve Langford came in with his Howard 100 News preview. He said that High Pitch Mike just got back from Regis and Kelly where he asked Sanjaya if he had anything to say to Howard Stern fans. Sanjaya just rolled his eyes. Steve said they're also going to be interviewing some people who create bogus pages on Myspace for Artie, Howard, Beth and Robin. They have 10s of thousands of people who sign up as their friends but they don't tell people that they're phonies.
Steve mentioned a few other stories about the stuff they had coming up on the news and also mentioned that Greg Fitzsimmons has his show tonight at 7pm on Howard 101. Howard said that should be great and he's looking forward to that.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Howard asked Jon about what he thinks about the controversy about his show and the trouble it's been causing between Jason and Artie. Jon said they'll be talking about that. They'll also talk about Howard's Engagement party and all of the stuff that went on around that. They'll also be talking about Hillary Scott's appearance today. Howard had Robin get right to her news after that.
Howard played a John the Stutterer voice mail where he was trying to talk about something that Howard had said earlier in the show. He didn't make it through the whole thing and said he just couldn't take it anymore. He then asked Robin if she had ''anything else'' to talk about. She hadn't even begun her news yet. He said he was woozy today and didn't know what was going on.
After Robin's news Artie said that his episode of Entourage is on this Sunday night on HBO. Howard wrapped up the show after that, it was around 11:25am.
Howard started off the show not knowing what day it was. He said he had a few odds and ends he wanted to get to first thing. He said he should be yelling at Robin today. He said he called into Bubba's show yesterday to wish him a happy birthday and then Robin called in and told him to get off because he was being boring. He said that he and Bubba were talking about a bunch of things and then Robin called in and complained about it. Robin said he was talking about some stuff that was kind of boring so Howard tried to explain himself. Howard started to go into some of the stuff he was talking about but Robin complained that he was getting into it again.
Howard said when he was first working in the business he never thought about going out to have fun, he would just wait for the next show to start instead of going out and having fun. He said Bubba and the guys were asking him about that and he was talking about it in a serious manner. Robin said they never got to talk because Howard was talking so much. Howard said he was just talking about his life. Artie said he feels bad for Howard because he was so into his work that he never had a life.
Howard talked about those days working at WWWW in Detroit and how awful it was sitting in his hotel room waiting for the next show to roll around. He also told a story about how he was living in a monastery when he was first starting out in the business. He got into that story but Robin kept interrupting and talking about what Bubba would ask about. Howard said when he was taking those jobs he would take the shitiest ones because he wasn't sure if he was going to be able to get a job anywhere else.
Robin said that Howard was also talking about Artie on Bubba's show. She said Howard was talking to Bubba about his weight and how he was able to get it under control and Artie should be able to do that some day. Howard asked Bubba if he had some addictions like Artie does and if he had to go through similar things that Artie does. Robin kept interrupting and goofing on Howard about the conversations he was having.
Robin said Howard was going through this stuff very fast but on Bubba's show Howard was dragging it out way too long. Howard said she could have turned the channel if she didn't like it. She continued to laugh and goof on him though. Howard thinks that Robin was doing that because she couldn't stand to hear him working with someone else and talking to them.
Howard had a clip from yesterday's Wrap Up Show where Sal talked about something that went on at the engagement party last week. In the clip Jon Hein was asking Sal about his wife and the things he was saying to Howard about having Beth as a ''prize'' when he was making his speech to him at the party. Gary was telling Sal that he should just treat Howard like a friend instead of the way he does.
Howard said he and Bubba started gabbing and things were going good so he stayed on. Robin said Howard's call got to the point of ''Wah!'' because he was complaining about stuff. Fred asked if Howard was being led down a path or if he was just talking. Howard said the guys were asking him questions so that's where it went. Robin said that Howard seems to be much happier now and hearing that old stuff was just boring.
Howard said Robin got on Bubba's show and let out a bombshell of a revelation. She actually broke up with Mr. X and that was the big deal. She decided to spill her guts on Bubba's show instead of on this show. Howard seemed a little upset that she did that. Artie said he's kind of upset about that because he was a great guy and he loved hanging out with him. Howard said that Robin just broke the news on the air and it was something else for her to complain about him being so boring and then to turn it around and break news like that.
Robin said that Howard bailed on her as soon as she called into Bubba's show. She said he just launched himself out of there as soon as she called in. Howard said it was like a tag team, he handed it off to her when she called in so he could go eat. Howard said Beth left him some turkey meatballs to head up so that's what he was thinking about doing.
Howard took a call from a guy who saw Beth out in Chicago last night. He said he was at a Billy Joel concert and saw her there hanging out with the guy from The Apprentice and his friends. Howard said Beth's brother lives out there and Beth is friends with Billy's wife so she got tickets to go to the show. Howard said that Beth actually flew out there with Billy's wife on their private jet. Howard said that she went out there with Katie and Billy and she's going to spend a few days with her brother. Artie said he saw a Billy Joel concert and it was great. Howard said Billy's voice is better than ever and if you close your eyes, you wouldn't know that he's aged.
The caller told Howard that Beth was looking really good last night but she wasn't showing her titties or anything. The guy was also saying he saw the rock on her finger and was impressed by that.
Howard said he was watching The Sopranos and eating last night when Robin called him after doing Bubba's show. He said she's the only one he would interrupt all of that for. He said he was really enjoying the food and The Sopranos and was just about in heaven at that point. Then Robin called and he had to interrupt. While he was talking about that he said that he had to jerk off since Beth was away. He said he told Beth the other day that he wasn't watching porn lately but now that Beth isn't around, he had to pull some out and watch it. He was actually feeling bad for the porn chicks recently but as soon as Beth went away, he didn't feel so bad. Robin said that's like her with that movie ''Blood Diamond.'' She said she felt bad while she was watching it but as soon as the movie was over, she ran out and bought some more diamonds.
Robin talked about how her break-up with Mr. X came about and how they didn't break it all off immediately. They were going to take some time off because they had been together for so long. Artie wanted to know more because he reveals so much on the show himself. He talks about his relationships and about his heroin use among other things.
Robin said that she has been thinking about what she will do now but she's not feeling the need to fall into someone's arms. Howard said he had heard from people that Mr. X hadn't been around but he assumed that Robin would tell him if that was true. Someone told him that the race car driving might have had something to do with Robin's death wish after breaking up with Mr. X. He said it was a serious conversation and they wanted him to have an intervention with her about the racing.
Howard said that he did talk to Robin about the race car driving thing because he did feel bad about it. He wondered what kind of goals Robin and Mr. X were looking for because she had said something about that while talking about the breakup. Robin said she's very active and wants to go out and do stuff while Mr. X isn't like that and just wants to stay home. Howard said that's his kind of guy.
Howard said when Robin called him last night he talked to her about the racing and how it might have something to do with the breakup. Robin said she hadn't talked to anyone about it and no one knew what she was going through. Howard was still upset that Robin told Bubba about the breakup before she told him. Robin said that Howard abandoned ship when she called into that show so that's why he didn't get to hear the story. She told him that if he hadn't hung up so quickly, he would have been part of that conversation.
Robin said that she was planning to tell Howard on the show but when Bubba asked her about her sleeping with Mr. X, she decided that it was time to reveal the break up. King of All Blacks called in and said that he knew this for the longest time and just kept it inside. He doesn't think it had anything to do with the racing but the guy was jealous of Robin for the longest time. He said that he must have been bored with his own life and wanted her to be bored with him. Howard said he doesn't know Mr. X and that's not what it was about.
King changed subjects and talked about the story in the paper yesterday about the finances that he made for K-Rock when he was there. Howard bailed out of that conversation and got him off the phone saying he was going nowhere with that.
Howard said that Robin hasn't been intimate with a man in a long time now. She said she can't remember when the last time was but it was over a year. She said that they were kind of breaking it off back then. Howard said he thinks that Robin will move now that she's not dating Mr. X. She said she has been thinking about that for a couple of years now. Howard said that Robin had a great apartment in the city before she moved out to Staten Island.
Artie talked about his breakup with Dana and how he went 4 months without having sex and when they kind of got back together he banged her but then didn't have sex with another woman until this past November. He said it was a long dry spell between that.
Rev. Bob Levy called in and said he's like to throw his hat into the ring to try and bang Robin. Robin said it's going to be a while before she gets back into a relationship. Robin said that she loves Bob's comedy but didn't say anything about being attracted to him. Howard said Bob was the first one to throw the hat into the ring but Robin said that Bubba and his guys were saying that they'd like to do her. Howard asked Robin if she thinks that Mr. X is with another woman. She said she wouldn't care even if he was. She said that she'd even set him up on a date but then gave him a little dig when she asked Howard if he knew of anyone he wanted to torture.
Howard said he likes Mr. X very much but there was one time when Robin took them all out to dinner and Mr. X was complaining the whole time about how he didn't want to be there. He complained about being there, the small portions and stuff like that. Howard said he felt bad for Robin and it must have been irking her the whole time. He said that when you do stuff like that you do it for the love of the other person and don't complain about it.
Robin said when they went to Tampa, they all had a great time. She said that she and Mr. X went out to dinner with Tom Chiusano and his wife after that and they were having a conversation about that trip and Robin knew that he wouldn't have enjoyed it. She said that he doesn't like to do the same things that she does. She said he likes to sit around and talk about sports, listen to jazz and smoke his pipe. Artie said that sounded good to him and asked Robin for his phone number.
Artie talked about the one time that they went out to dinner and Mr. X poured water on Stuttering John because he was farting at the table. There was also a picture that they took where Mr. X had snuck a knife up to Robin's throat without anyone noticing until after they saw the picture.
Robin thinks that they should keep making Sanjaya famous as long as they can. Howard said there's not much else they can do with him at this point. They can't make an album with him because no one will buy it. Artie said he would probably pitch a reality show about his life or something. Howard said that Sanjaya even says that he's not a musician, he's an entertainer. He played a clip of him talking about how he wants to do some modeling and acting and not just singing. He wants to explore the whole entertainment business. Artie thinks that he's going to end up exploring the whole deli business.
The guys talked about this week's episode of The Sopranos for a few seconds. They went over it real quick and then got back to talking about Sanjaya and how they should have a reality show based on his life.
Howard said that Eric leads you to believe he has nothing going on in his life. His voice mail messages prove that he doesn't have anything going on. He left a long message about why he wont' bang the porn stars they offer him. He played the message and Eric explains why he doesn't go for Tabitha or any of the other chicks. He said they're not ''the right ones'' and he's looking for Brandy DDD or Busty Bree or other chicks like that. Howard cut the message off and said that the chicks he's talking about have tits that are bigger than Eric.
Howard said that Eric must be downloading and watching tons of porn. Eric said he doesn't buy any porn, he does have subscriptions to a few web sites like the ones he mentioned. Howard asked Eric about the money he's spending on those web sites and Eric said that he does go on there a couple times a week to look at Brandy DDD and those chicks. He said that Brandy, unlike Tabitha, is totally natural and she still has that girl-next-door look that Tabitha doesn't.
Howard asked Eric if he whacks it in front of the computer or if he goes somewhere else. Eric said he goes somewhere else so he doesn't make a mess. Howard asked him where he goes that he doesn't make a mess. Eric said he goes to his bed. Artie said that his PJ pants must be crusty. Howard asked Eric why he goes somewhere else to make a mess instead of making the mess in front of the computer. He figured there had to be a better way to do it than that. Eric has a room mate too so he has to think about that.
Howard asked Eric if he beats off into a bunch of tissues or something. Eric bailed out and hung up on Howard while he was asking about that stuff. He said that was very rude and he wasn't being out of line with that questioning. Howard had Eric back on the line a few seconds later. He thought that he had offended Eric or something. Eric claimed that his phone signal had gone dead or something.
Howard saw a picture of this Brandy XXX and said her boobs were huge. Eric is turned on by that look. JD came in and said that she was no less of a whore than Tabitha Stevens was. Howard told him Eric liked her look better, that's all.
Howard asked Eric more about how he jerks off. He found out that Eric lays on his stomach when he does it. He said that he rubs up against his bed when he does that. Howard said he knows another guy who does that and it's kind of weird to him. Eric said he kind of uses a pillow as a girl and rubs into it. Eric said he blows his load into his boxers. Fred was goofing on him saying that it must be a mix of urine and semen in his underwear since he has talked about wetting his bed. Howard said he doesn't understand this at all because he's never rubbed in the bed like that.
Howard told Gary to hook Eric up with some of the porn that they get there. He was still thinking about Eric's underwear and what he does with it. Eric said he lets it dry overnight instead of cleaning it up. Howard said it must be hard to fall asleep when he does that. Eric said it's not all that wet and it doesn't get stuck to his pubes or anything. Howard said that he must have some crust in his underwear and someone has to see it and question him about it.
Howard told Eric that he watched some porn last night since Beth was away. He turned on this awful Troma porn movie from a long time ago and he ended up turning that off and putting in a Savanna Samson porno where she's with a dude and a chick. It was one of her first pornos and he said she looked really hot in it. He said he wasn't able to hold off from blowing his load because she was so hot.
Richard Christy came in with a pile of porn for Eric. He read off the titles and asked Eric if he wanted them. Eric wasn't sure about some of them but he said ''I guess so'' to a few of the titles so Richard put them aside so they could mail them to him. He was interested in seeing some cum filled young chicks, some black and white chick movies and some other various things.
Howard asked Eric what he would do to that DDD chick. Eric said ''Whatever I could...'' to that question. Richard said they also have some movies with extra hairy chicks but Eric wasn't interested in that. Howard was going to let him go but Eric was saying that people report about the crap he does on the show on Wikipedia so that's another reason he doesn't want to do anything with Tabitha. He said he doesn't need that stuff showing up there. Artie had no idea what he was talking about and said it must be some kind of ''nerd speak.''
Howard asked Gary where the clips were of Eric leaving messages for them. He found out where they were after a Baba Booey song parody. Howard played the clips where Eric told them that he never voted for Sanjaya and he had fooled them when he said he was going to. Howard said Eric is so caught up in that crap. Eric was telling them why the votes weren't there for Sanjaya last week. Artie told Eric he sounded like the biggest fuckin' geek in those clips. Eric had disappeared again so Howard bailed out on it.
Gary told Artie that he got a copy of his movie and thought it was very funny. Artie got a laugh out of that. Howard asked for the prank call so he could play it. While he was waiting he played a couple of Baba Booey song parodies.
Howard played the Gary the Retard prank call where Richard calls him and tells him he has Robin on the phone. Then Richard plays some audio clips of Robin getting off and has Gary fooled into thinking that he's having phone sex with her. Howard said Gary might be better at phone sex than he is.
After the prank call Howard did a female voice and had Gary thinking that he was talking to Robin again. Gary wasn't fooled, he knew it wasn't Robin. Howard hung up on him and went to break a short time later.
Howard said that he had to credit TMZ.com for giving them the Alec Baldwin voice mail that they played yesterday. He said that Alec and Kim Basinger are both wrong in this case and the kid is the victim in that whole thing. He went on to read some e-mail he got about that clip. One guy went off on him because he claims to be Alec's friend and he shouldn't have played it on the air and then go on to say he's a bad parent for over an hour. Howard said his kids tell him that he's a shitty partner himself so he knows he's not all that great. Howard still thinks that Alec needs therapy after hearing that call.
Some e-mailers were complaining about the way Howard was pronouncing Basinger so Howard gave them a big ''fuck you.'' He also read that Kim is claiming that she didn't leak the phone calls to the press. Howard said she's also in trouble for not letting Alec visit his daughter so she's just as much of a nut as Alec is. He read through some more e-mails where people complained about Howard's treatment of Alec.
Howard said that the guys in the back made some prank calls using Alec's voice mail. Sal calls a towing service and has Alec yelling at them for not picking him up. Of course the garage has no idea who the guy is or what he's talking about. They hang up on him a few times before they stopped calling.
Howard said the songs were already coming in about Robin and Mr. X breaking up. He played one song where Mr. X was singing ''All By Myself.'' It was Sal singing with some effects on his voice to make him sound kind of like Barry White. He was really going off on Robin in that song calling her a bitch and saying he hopes she goes jogging and shits her pants.
Howard said that Andy Dick is going to be roasted soon and Andy responded to that on his Shit Show recently. Howard played a clip from that where Andy said the only reason he agreed to do it is because he gets the last word in the roast and he's going to take them all down. He said he can't wait for that.
Howard said that Zach Braff was on The Tonight Show this week and mentioned his name but Jay moved right past it. Zach said he's a huge Howard Stern Fan and was hoping that Sanjaya was going to stay on American Idol.
Lisa said that Ronnie the Limo Driver is going to be driving the Howard TV van down to Philly on Friday. The van will be in the city tomorrow for the Free Online Preview that's going on this week. Howard said they're going to have a bunch of video clips in this van that has been made up to look like a peep show. You can find out more about that at HowardStern.com/free.
Lisa said that Will and Jason have a new Page 69 report about Steve the Intern who was at the engagement party last week and ended up drinking too much. Steve came in and said that he's not used to wine so he ended up puking. He told the story about what had happened and how he had puked in one of the offices there and didn't tell the guy whose office it was. Howard said that was enough of that and sent Steve out of there. Lisa wrapped up her news preview after that.
Howard said that he's gotten some e-mail about Lisa and how people find her annoying. He read through some of that. Some people complained about her complaining about not being invited to the engagement party last week. The fans don't want to be bothered with her complaining about that stuff. Howard said he had a lot of other stuff to get to so he moved on after that.
Howard read that bees are being thrown off by cell phone signals and that could be the cause of the bees disappearing. Howard and Robin talked about that and a little bit about global warming which led to Scott DePace coming in to talk about that. Howard only spent a short time with him before kicking him out of the studio. He told Scott that he couldn't debate this stuff with him. Fred kept playing a bunch of Dice Clay ''Bald fuck'' clips while Scott was in there. Howard wondered who Scott is to be giving those opinions on global warming.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he can do the whole Alec Baldwin phone call and could recite it. Howard asked Artie if he could remember it if he gave him the transcript. Artie said he might be able to learn it during the break.
The caller said that he could even do an amazing impression off Alec and cleared his throat as if he were going to do it. Then he just played the audio of the call and pretended like he was doing it. Howard told him it was a good idea but hung up on him.
Howard's cousin Richie called in to talk about this bee thing since he's such an expert. Richie said that it is true that many things would vanish from the earth if the bees disappeared. Richie said that Howard had gotten his web site wrong and it was actually HealthFromTheHive.com and not Hive.com that Howard had said earlier. Richie talked about some of the things that are killing off the bees and how people need to do something about it or life will be different without them.
Howard let Richie go and then played the ''Dry Oatmeal'' prank call that Sal and Richard made to a restaurant one time using George Takei audio clips. He was inspired to play that after the caller who did the Alec Baldwin impression had used that ''dry oatmeal'' line when he was clearing his throat.
Howard said he loves how the guys isolated all of those George Takei audio clips. He said he could listen to his voice all day long and asked Sal and Richard if they had more of the clips to play. Sal said they had more somewhere but it might not be in the system.
Howard told Scott to stop and that it was enough already. Gary said he had some other good stuff to play. There was a new clip from ''Cops'' that he could play. In the clip a cop is taking a guy out of a home and a woman claims that the guy has a gun. The guy freaks out and starts screaming at her and then breaks down crying about it. Robin said that guy reminded her of Howard's Mama Lookaboobooday impression. That got Howard doing his impression for a short time.
Gary told Howard they have another clip from an old police show from back in the 1980s. In the clip the cops are giving a guy a DUI test and he denies that he was driving after saying he knew he was being arrested for driving drunk. The guy is very belligerent and tries to explain himself. The officer asks him to do this physical performance test but the guy just keeps saying that he knows he's drunk but he wasn't driving. He tells her that over and over again but she still makes him go through the test. The guy eventually starts saying that he refuses to comment on the grounds that it may incriminate him. He tells the cops that his license is already suspended and refuses to take a breath test.
Howard said they should track that guy down because he sounds like a future Wack Packer. He took a call a few seconds later from a guy who claimed that he was the guy from the tape. The guy was doing an amazing impression of the guy in that clip. Howard said he thought that it was really the guy in the clip because he was so good. The guy came out of his impression and said he was just goofing around. Howard hung up on him and took another call after that. This guy Hanzi called in and tried to get a discussion going but it wasn't working so Howard hung up on him.
High Pitch Eric called and left a message about why he hasn't been around lately. He's got gout and he's having problems with that. Eric claims that he's got it in both feet and that's why he can't walk around. Howard said the guy has nowhere to be and has no reason to walk. Artie said he's not sure why but he's just grossed out by that guy. He said that Eric might be the most fascinating guy in the Wack Pack because he seems retarded but he's actually just evil.
Howard said that he got a message from Mary Carey who has a mother who is retarded. She tried to kill herself not too long ago by jumping out of a window. Mary called and left a message with her mother. In the call Mary tells her mother what to say to them and she repeats after her. Mary's mother says that she'd like to come on the show and talk about her recovery. Howard said he wishes that his mother was retarded because it would be so great for the show. Howard said it should be a good show if they have Mary and her mother on again. They were on one other time and it was good back then.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she thinks that the maybe it was the Newlyweird Game that caused things to go wrong with Robin and Mr. X. She was also saying that Artie and Dana had won the game but they didn't even last as long as Robin and Mr. X.
Howard said that Hate Man has returned so he played his latest voice mail message. In the message Hate Man talks about Sanjaya getting voted off American Idol and then goes off on some people and yelling for people to lick him and stuff like that. He called back and left another message for Robin. Hate Man tells Robin that he's the only white motherfucker in her life and she has no business hanging out with Bubba. He said he was going to shoot his load on her face and make her white for a half hour and then yelled that she was a monkey and repeated monkey about 50 times.
Howard played some audio of Jeff the Drunk calling into the Playboy channel. He was having some issues with his radio being turned up so they hung up on him until he turned it down. They put him back on and then Jeff told one of the hosts that he wanted to eat her pussy. Jeff started to get into it but his phone started to cut out and they hung up on him again. That led to Artie doing his impression of Jeff's disgusting voice and how he had just tried to have phone sex with those girls. Howard wondered if Jeff has ever had a girl in his life. He said he did see pictures of him with chicks before his accident. He said that was a long time ago though.
Howard said Crazy Alice left a strange message for them. She started talking like a hillbilly. He played the clip where she was asking for a copy of a song that she heard on the show and started talking like a southerner. Howard said she was talking about that guy who sent in the ''ni**er Hatin' Hat'' song. That got Howard talking about the Imus thing and how he stopped wearing his cowboy hat after that news broke.
King of All Blacks called in and asked if Gary was going to have any black people at his party this summer... other than Robin. Gary said he wasn't but it's not that they're not welcome there, he just didn't have any on his guest list.
Howard asked Jeff what the highlight of his year was last year. Jeff said that was a tough one. Artie said it was probably that one day when he didn't shit in his pants. Jeff couldn't come up with anything. Howard asked him if he had a girlfriend before he had his accident. Jeff said he had one right before his accident. It was about a month before. He said he's always thought that he got in the accident because he had pre-marital sex with that chick. He said she moved right next door to him in the trailer park but he hasn't tried to hook up with her again.
Howard asked Jeff if he's got a nicer trailer than she does. Jeff wasn't sure, he hasn't seen hers. Howard said it didn't seem like it would be a happy occasion if he came down there for his birthday. Artie asked him if he would fall over and hit his head by the elevators again. Jeff said he could do that.
Howard had King of All Blacks on the phone again. King said that he knows of a job that Jeff could get for $20 an hour. He'd be handing out recycling information. King said that it's in Englewood, New Jersey but Jeff lives up in the Albany, New York area so it's not a good place for him to be working. Howard let Jeff go and went to break after that.
Howard gave him some applause and said there was nothing like seeing Artie work with a picture of Elliot Offen above his head. He also said that he would pay to see that rant on Broadway. He told Artie he's a genius. He did it in his own voice but it was still like Alec Baldwin's delivery. Artie said he's not good at impressions, he's good at mimicking people. He said that he could get away with that stuff at MAD TV because he had the cadence down pretty good.
Howard asked Artie how many times he had to read the transcript. Artie said he only had to read the transcript about 3 or 4 times. He also writes down the first line of paragraphs because that reminds him of what he has to do. He said that's how he gets a lot of work because he can remember scripts just like that. Howard said he loved that so much that he wanted to hear it again. Artie said that he's going to be doing Rescue Me again and he has to start remembering the lines for that because he's shooting that on Friday.
Howard mentioned the Hottest Chick Biggest Fart contest they have coming up and mentioned that the sponsor is Clips4Sale.com.
Artie and Howard talked more about the Alec Baldwin thing. Howard took a call from a guy who told Artie that he's great and he loved him on MAD TV when he would do the ''That's My White Mama'' character on that show. Artie said that was him doing about 5 pages of a screaming woman on the show.
Howard said he found the outtakes from the George Takei recording session where he asks for hot water, clears his throat and asks for some dry oatmeal. He played a few seconds of that and then said he had some more clips of Richard and Sal calling into this guy Jonah's public access show about the Yankees to goof on him again. Sal and Richard are the only phone calls he gets on that show. He threatens to take the TV show off the air if he keeps getting calls like that. He was also trying to explain how they were part of the ''lowest common denominator'' but said ''lowest common de-niner.'' He had also mentioned something about going to play Pokemon so Sal and Richard goofed on him about that every time they called.
Jonah took one call that was a real call and he freaks out on the guy and then starts coughing uncontrollably. The caller then asks Jonah if he can work as his phone screener. Jonah says he can't pay him so the guy tells him he can pay him in cock. Jonah clears his throat and takes some more calls from Sal and Richard who ask him if he's choking on cum.
Howard had ''Beth'' on the phone again so he picked up and let Sour Shoes do his thing. Sour Shoes was doing his Beth impression and a Billy Joel impression as well. Sour Shoes also threw in some of his Scott Ferrall impression during all of that. He was going from his Beth impression to Billy Joel and into Scott Ferrall. Howard told him the song was awful so he went into his Scott Ferrall impression since the guys seem to like that better than anything. Howard asked Sour Shoes to do ''Goodnight Saigon'' with the helicopter sounds in there. Sour Shoes broke right into the song and he actually had the helicopter sound effect ready to go. Howard laughed and said he's amazing and wondered how he had that ready to go.
Howard asked Robin and Artie what they wanted to hear. Artie said he wanted to hear some ''Miami 2017'' so Sour Shoes broke right into that. He also did some ''Downeaster Alexa'' for Howard. Howard said that Robin had a request of ''Movin Out'' for Mr. X. Sour Shoes did a little bit of that and some other Billy Joel songs. Artie said they should really study this kid's brain.
Howard let Sour Shoes go and said he once had to tell him not to show up on the street to sing to him anymore. He said that's his biggest nightmare when he shows up and starts singing to him. Howard said his Scott Ferrall impression is so good that the real Scott would get angry when other shows would put him on because they believe they're talking to him.
Artie was wondering what kind of money Howard thought was the good money in the business. Howard said could have made up to $180,000 at NBC if he had stayed there. He said he got fired before he got up that high though. when he got to K-Rock he started making some good money but it wasn't as much as it seemed. He said that Whoopi Goldberg is probably making more than he ever did over there.
Ralph called in and asked what was going on with Robin and Mr. X. He hadn't heard the show earlier in the morning so Howard asked him if he expects him to repeat the whole show to him. Ralph actually guessed right when he asked if she had broken up with Mr. X. He said that's the only time he gets to hang out with Robin so he kind of had an idea that they had broken up. Ralph asked Robin what was up with that and if things just fizzled.
Ralph said that Mr. X did something that he didn't really like one time. He said that Robin was laughing during a movie screening and Mr. X grabbed her and told her to quiet down. He said that really pissed him off back then. He didn't do anything about it at the time though.
Ralph asked Howard how he can go from not wanting to play the Alec Baldwin phone call to having Artie read it. Howard said he still has a problem with the call but he likes Artie doing an impression of it. That led to him playing the prank call Sal and Richard made to the towing service using clips from Alec's voice mail.
The guys talked about how many prank calls those guys are going to be able to make using those clips. Howard let Ralph go after that and then went to break.
Howard told Artie that they had gotten some cookies that are supposed to be some kind of diet food. Howard said they're supposed to replace meals so he gave one a try himself. Artie also tried one and said they are actually pretty good. Howard and Artie were both chomping down on the cookies and talking about how good they were. Artie said that when a low fat thing is good, they're trouble.
Howard read the note he got from the people who sent the Hollywood Cookie Diet cookies. They claim that one of them is supposed to be a whole meal but Howard said he could eat just one and lose weight. They say that you're supposed to eat one for breakfast and one for lunch and then eat a sensible dinner.
Artie was on his second cookie so Howard handed him the whole box and told him to knock himself out. He gave a little piece to Fred to try as well. Robin said that they have a standee of Artie out in the hall that's very funny. They have him eating food in that picture. They also have some paintings of him hanging around the studio and in the bathroom there too.
Mike Gange said that they thanked the newspaper for giving clearance on a photo they used. Mike said that he had submitted the photo though. He was looking for some thanks for some stuff so Howard told him to talk to Mike Gange off the air instead. He let him go after that.
Steve Langford got into his Howard 100 News preview. They'll have a story about a web site that's trying to help Artie. The site is called SaveBabyGorilla.com. Steve also said that they'll have a story about Riley Martin's former co-host who has an exclusive interview with a guy who claims he's been on the mother ship with Riley before. They'll have more on all of that and much, much more on Howard 100 News today.
Howard said on Sunday the 22nd of this month they celebrated a little piece of show history . They went to number one in Cleveland in 1994 after only 21 months on the air. He said they can be proud of that moment. He said he realized how popular they were when their wires were cut during the broadcast.
Jon Hein ran down the stuff they were going to talk about on The Wrap Up Show today. Robin's break up with Mr. X will be discussed. They'll also talk about Bob Levy's offer to bang her and also Gary the Retard's offer. Robin said she would probably have sex with Gary before Bob. Jon also said they'll talk about Eric the Midget getting a basket full of free porn from the show. They'll also talk about Jeff the Drunk and his call to Playboy among other things.
Artie was talking about how he was kind of depressed about Robin breaking up with Mr. X. He said that it makes him realize that the world sucks and everything good comes to an end no matter what. He said it just blows. Robin told him that you should just enjoy things while you have them. Howard said he kind of likes that Artie is dating again and talked about how cool it is that he has the chance to get laid again. Artie said that it is kind of exciting to be doing that again. He likes getting to know a chick and stuff like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard what's going on with the Myspace pages. Howard said that he doesn't like that people are creating some phony pages and writing stuff as if it was his. He doesn't like that they do that because people think that it's really him writing stuff on there. He said that people assume that they're getting in touch with him and it's really not him. Robin said it's like a con and people really do believe they're writing to the real person when they're not. Howard had Robin get to her news after blowing that discussion off.
Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:45am.
Howard started off the show saying he had a blow out with Gary before the show. He said that he got mad at him for playing bits on the Wrap Up Show that he hasn't played on the regular show. He didn't know that he was on a timetable after hearing Gary playing an example of a bit that he hadn't played on the show in a few weeks. He said he doesn't want Gary invading his shit and doing stuff like that. He said Gary was arguing with him and he had to tell him to stop.
Robin said they used to play bits that he wouldn't play on the show. Howard said those were bits he said he was never going to play on the show. Yesterday they played a prank call to a pizza place that Sal had done but it wasn't a rejected bit, Howard just hadn't played it yet. Howard said he doesn't care about the Wrap Up Show, it's irrelevant.
Gary came in and tried to defend himself. He said it wasn't about how Howard doesn't play bits fast enough, it was more about how Sal and Richard freak out when the bits don't get played. Howard argued with Gary and said that he can't be serious arguing with him. He said the rules are that he is to call him and ask if he's done with something before playing it on that show. Gary said he doesn't want him thinking his some renegade who is playing bits that he's not supposed to. Howard told him that he should know the rules by now.
Gary said it felt right to play that bit yesterday. Howard said that's ridiculous and said that there are many bits he doesn't play for 10 years but that doesn't mean that he can take it and play it on the air. He said he just wasn't ready to play that bit and told Sal to remind him about the bit after he took it off the page on his computer. Sal came into the studio but Howard warned him to leave before saying anything. He told him he was going to make a mistake by saying anything.
Sal then went on to say that he told Gary that he didn't think it was right for him to play the bit on that show. Gary told him he was a liar and he was full of shit. He couldn't believe that he was throwing him under the bus like that. Robin backed Gary up in that. Gary said that out in the hall Sal was making the crazy sign about Howard after he told him what was going on right before the show. Howard said that Gary shouldn't be telling Sal what his mood is. Gary said he was just preparing Sal for what's going to happen.
Gary left the studio and Howard told Sal that Gary was wrong and he knows it. Sal insisted that he didn't throw Gary under the bus and he didn't lie about what he said to him. He said that Gary told him ''Trust me, it's not going to be played...'' when he asked him if he was sure that Howard wasn't going to play that bit.
Howard took a call from Hook Nose Mike who asked if he had any new bits to play today or if he has to listen to the Wrap Up Show to hear them. Howard sarcastically said that they're going to premiere on the Wrap Up Show from now on. Howard took another call from a guy who said that Sal did say something to Gary about playing the bit. Howard said he's going to go back and listen to it himself. Sal backed Howard up in the discussion about playing bits on that show and said that it is his show and he will go with whatever he says.
The caller on the line told Howard that Sal did say something to Gary about not playing the bit on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. That seemed to piss Gary off even more. Sal was laughing and saying that he was just looking out for Gary yesterday when he did that.
Artie said that Sal was kind of making it sound like he was the hero of the situation when he came in there. Sal said he wasn't trying to do that, he was trying defend himself because it was like Gary was trying to throw him under the bus and make it sound like he led him to play that bit. Howard told Sal he could leave and ended the discussion with him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Wrap Up Show is good but it seems to be going to Gary's head lately. Another caller said that Howard should stop going to therapy because he seems to be getting soft. He said that Robin was on Bubba's show spilling her story to them instead of doing it on Howard's show. He said that he has to go back to the old days where he goes off on people and puts them in their place.
Howard said he liked the bit that they played yesterday and he would have eventually played it. He has a process he does on the show and it's worked well so far so he's not sure why they'd undermine him like that. Artie said that the other day Sal and Richard played a bit they did with Joe Franklin and he heard it. He said he didn't think it was all that strong. He said Howard didn't say yes or no and thought that was a good thing because that was a good way to handle it. He didn't want to say yes or no, maybe he wanted to sleep on it. Howard said he hadn't needed to go to any bits like that but he likes to have stuff like that in reserve so he's still not sure why they'd play a bit like that on another show. He said it was really aggravating. The caller told Howard to tell Gary to stay the boss and stop dicking around with those two.
Gary came in and said that he had an audio clip of Sal saying that maybe they shouldn't play the bit. He was admitting that he did say it and pointing it out to Howard. Howard found the clip and played it. In the bit Gary told Sal to go get the bit and Sal does say that maybe Howard would want to play it first. Gary told him to trust him, he wasn't going to play it at all.
Howard said that it's like Gary sabotaged the show. Gary asked Howard if everything he does is right 100 percent of the time. Howard said that he's always right and couldn't think of anything where he was wrong. Gary said he did back Bush in the Iraq war. Artie told him he had another one... in 1986 when he wore the black leather pants and brown cowboy boots. Howard said he might be right about that.
Gary said that tomorrow is bring your kids to work day so he's afraid that he's going to be emasculated when he brings his kids in tomorrow. Artie said he has to apologize to Sal because it really was Gary who was pushing to play that tape on the Wrap Up Show. Gary said he had to hear the whole conversation to know what was really going on though. Gary said that Sal likes to throw him under the bus and it's kind of like the way Stuttering John used to do that kind of stuff to him. That's why he reacts to him the way he does when he thinks he's being attacked.
Artie said the bit wasn't incredible but it was good. Howard said there's another bit that Sal and Richard did that he was going to play. It had the return of Richard's character ''Nervous Mark'' who can't answer a question or finish a thought. He played the first Nervous Mark bit where he called a cable access show and couldn't get his thoughts out. Then he talked about how Sal and Richard used that character on their Jack and Rod show when they spoke to Joe Franklin. Howard said Joe Franklin didn't really react to it so he didn't think it was all that great of a bit.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Grandpa bit wasn't all that great and it shouldn't have even been played on Imus' show. Howard went into the Jack and Rod show where they goofed on Joe Franklin. They told Joe that they had found a huge fan of Joe's and had him in the studio to talk to him. The big fan was Richard's ''Nervous Mark'' character who wasn't able to speak. He stuttered and stammered trying to get out his questions and comments. At one point Nervous Mark throws up from being so nervous, then he pisses his pants so Sal kicks him out of the studio. Joe tries to get in a plug for his book but Nervous Mark is still in there moaning and talking over him.
Howard cut the bit off and said it went on and on. He was thinking about playing it but he didn't think it worked all that well. He said that he was thinking of having them cut it down or something but it still might now work. They were actually being kind of mean to Joe but he played along with them. Artie said there were a few funny moments in the bit. Howard said Sal and Richard seem to pressure Gary into trying to get some of those bits played and that's why the one got played on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Howard said he's still all aggravated about the whole thing. He hates being an asshole like he was but everything is a neurotic fuckin' mess for him. Howard said the problem is that he's always right and has never been wrong. Artie pointed out that his fashion might not be perfect so Howard admitted to that. He said that's why he puts up with Ralph in his life.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that whenever Beth is away, Howard is the biggest cunt in the morning. He said he doesn't think that he should let her go away anymore. Howard said he spoke to Beth last night and she told him about hanging out with that guy Bill from The Apprentice. He said she told him that even if she wanted to cheat on him, she couldn't do it because all of his fans would figure it out and tell on her.
Artie wondered if Richard Roeper can go on with the show if Roger Ebert retires. Howard said he's not sure, he never really gets to see the show and doesn't know what kind of ratings it gets. Howard said Roeper is keeping the show going but he's had guest reviewers on the show like John Mellencamp which doesn't seem like the best idea to him.
Howard said that after he ran yesterday he had the biggest shit. He said he felt great afterwards. He said he had been constipated before that and it felt so great when he went out and did that. He said you really do have to do stuff to stay in shape and the run showed him that. Artie told a story about how he was playing in a baseball game one time and after he ran, he had to take a shit and they had to delay the game for him because he had to go so bad.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that at least he's not Imus. Howard said he was actually feeling bad for Gary now because he had gone off on him the way he did. He said Gary really does work hard there. He said he just blows up sometimes. Artie said he felt really bad about what he said about Jason the other day. He said some really vicious things about Jason and felt bad about it. He said it really irks him when he gets a phone call from his mother where she's crying and he blamed Jason for the whole thing.
The caller was asking Howard how much time he gives to Imus' wife before she leaves him. Howard said he has already talked about that and he does think that she will eventually leave him. He said that Imus couldn't get a date even with a radio show. They actually had a contest on the show to find a date for Imus and that's how he met his wife.
Howard and Artie were talking about dating so Artie asked Howard about the chick who Howard had gotten a blow job from the first time he met her. Artie wondered if she was married at the time. Howard said that she was not married then, she was already out of her marriage. Howard said there was one time when he was juggling 4 women at the same time. He said he told them all that he was dating other women though. Ralph actually did a little bit of an intervention with him and told him he had to slow down. Howard said he was acting like a drug addict with the women he was dating. He was devoting his whole life to that and nothing was satisfying him.
Howard said Ralph was right and it was right for him to tell him to slow down that stuff. Fred asked him how long he was going at that pace. Howard said it was just a couple of months. Fred told him he could have lasted a few more months. Artie said that he and Dana broke up in November and he's dated four chicks since then and that's a torrid pace for him. He's not used to that.
The caller asked Howard if he still checks out the women there in New York. Howard said he does think about it sometimes about how nice it would feel to have a new chick but he looks at Beth and he's still really turned on by her. They have a good friendship and get along so well so he's glad that he's with her. He said he was dancing around last night when he was thinking about beating off. He said he wanted to be nude and run around the apartment like that. He said he put in the Savanna Samson DVD again and watched that again. He said he put that DVD in again and the DVD player remembered where he left off. He doesn't know how that happens because it only happens with the porn he watches.
Artie said that there were two moments in his life that he remembers the most. The first one is where he walked into Yankee Stadium and saw the field for the first time. The second is the moment you know that a chick you like is willing to bang you. Howard said one of his most memorable moments was going to the set of Match Game with his father. His father worked the controls on that show and he got to watch him work.
Howard got back to Imus' wife and said that she's completely dejected and maybe she'll stay with him if Imus can find another job where she'd be in the spotlight. Howard said she didn't have a career before she started going out with Imus as far as he knows. He's not sure what she'd do after leaving him.
Howard said he got a note from Tim Stack who said that Simon Cowell didn't change his shirt from the day he was in Africa to the time he was on the show. Tim said they must have flown him in and flew him right back out. Robin said maybe they did it with a Green Screen or something.
Howard played some audio from American Idol and described what was going on in the video. He said that they had little starving kids standing there while this sad music was playing. Simon talks about how terrible the conditions are there and says it's unbelievable and just wrong. Simon said he's never seen anything like that in his life. Artie said it sounds like the same things he'd say about Sanjaya's performance.
Howard asked Eric if he voted. Eric said he did vote and voted for a few people. Howard asked him why he did that so Eric explained that he voted for Lakisha but she didn't do so good so he spread the votes around. Howard said that's not the point of the vote, he should pick a favorite and vote for that one person. Howard asked him who he thought was the best on the show. He named three people who he thought did well so Howard told him he's got to pick just one. Howard thinks that Melinda is the most talented but no one wants to go see her in concert.
Eric said that he's not going to spend any money on this season's American Idol tour. Howard thanked Eric for the call and was going to let him go but Eric let out a ''Uhhh'' so Howard kept him on the line. Eric said he heard that they had slipped some gay porn into the porn gift package they were sending to him. He asked that Richard remove it but the package is already in the mail. Howard said he wanted them to slip the DVD into a straight porn case.
JD came in to talk about the gay porn clip so Eric asked him if he was still trying to hit on some woman who was married. JD had no idea what he was talking about. Richard told Howard that the gay porn is funny and Eric should check it out. He said the guy in the clip is the guy who they play clips of on the show who beats a guy and talks about playing hard with him. That led to Howard playing that clip Richard was talking about. Richard asked Eric if he was interested in playing it. Eric said he will return it to them when he sees them at the Killers of Comedy show in June. Richard asked him if he's going to watch it first. Eric said he won't watch it. The guys could picture him showing up to the comedy show with the gay porn and goofed on him about that.
Howard played another bit where they took Eric's voice and put it into the gay porn clip. Richard said it'll be funny when Eric shows up and they pull him aside at the comedy show after he goes through a metal detector. Eric said he'd put the porn in a paper bag or som