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Howard started off the show talking about the Imus firing. He said a lot of people were calling in to ask his opinion. He's also been getting calls from news outlets asking him for his thoughts but it's like they don't know he's on the radio. He said he had someone following him around with a camera over the weekend asking him what he thought but he didn't comment. That's why he has this radio show.
Robin thought that Howard sounded different this morning but she couldn't quite pin it down. Howard started moving his lips without talking and tried to fool her but she wasn't fooled. That led to Howard talking about her race that she did over the weekend. He spent a few seconds on that and then got back to Imus.
Howard said he predicted that Imus was going to get fired because of what he said. He said that people claim that he does the same type of thing that Imus did but it's not the same thing. He said he was asked to do shows like Good Morning America and shows like that but he declined. He said he's on SIRIUS satellite radio and that's where you can hear him giving his thoughts on all of that.
Howard said that some people said that there's no way he can be happy about this Imus thing. He said he's thrilled because this guy Imus has been making outrageous, slanderous comments over the years and he's gotten away with it until now. The guy would also have guests on his show who would shun their show according to Robin.
Howard brought up the story about Imus calling this woman Brenda the N-word when they were working at WNBC. That's when Howard claims he was turned off to that guy in the cowboy hat. He said that someone picked up on the fact that Imus stopped wearing that cowboy hat when Imus was called out on the racist comments.
Howard's prediction came true so Robin asked him if he was a psychic. He said he's not and he's just an observer of the industry and he knew what was going to happen. He read that Imus was getting paid $10 million a year to do that awful show of his and he's sure that CBS is working on not paying him for the remainder of that contract. He said they'll probably figure out a way not to pay him even though he was under contract. Howard said he went through stuff like that with them and he knows that they'll try to come up with some way not to pay the guy.
Howard said Imus has already said that he's going to take the summer off but he's had a lot of offers to come back. He said that his predictions have already come true and there's no way there are any offers for him to come back to radio. He said he has to be lying when he says that there are offers. He said that he defies Imus to show him any Bona Fide offer to come back to the radio. He said he'd like him to come on his air and show him that offer. He knows that he has to be lying about that.
Howard also talked about how awful Imus looks at the age of 67. He said he doesn't look like he takes care of himself and he's just a mess. Robin said he doesn't look human. Howard said his father, who is 84 years old, looks better than Imus.
Robin said that she got a call from Adam Carolla when she was out in Los Angeles asking her to go see his movie. Howard said they're going to go see it and Adam has to calm down about that. He got back to Imus and talked about the cowboy hat again and how big it's gotten in the cartoons that are being drawn of him.
Howard said that Imus had to be fired after the people at MSNBC fired him. If they hadn't, they would have looked like fools. Howard said MSNBC was looking to get rid of the guy anyway because he doesn't get any ratings for them. He said that even Keith Olberman was talking about how miserable he was to work with over there at MSNBC. He played an audio clip of Keith talking about just how miserable Imus was. Keith was saying that they had to walk through waist high excrement when they were working with the guy. He said the guy was making women miserable there behind the scenes and they're glad that they got rid of the guy.
Howard brought up that Brenda woman from NBC again and talked about how despicable Imus has been over the years. He played more of the Keith Olberman interview and listened to Keith telling his side of the story. Howard said when someone like Keith, who is more respectable than Howard himself, comes out like that and talks about how despicable Imus is, people must listen.
Howard said that people claim that Imus was responsible for his act but if you go back and listen to his old shows, he had nothing going on and he's the one who stole Howard Stern's act. He said that Imus is a piece of shit and couldn't come up with a bit of his own.
Howard read more of that article where the guy says that they had felons at the hospital that caused less trouble than Imus did. He claims that an African American employee of the hospital was sent into the room to feed him but she left crying after he used a racial slur on her. He also claims that Imus threw food out into the hall from his room when he wasn't happy with what he got. Howard said the paper was a college paper and he's not sure if it's true or not, but he wants to believe it is.
Howard said that Beth told him that Martha Stewart was feeling bad for Imus after he was fired. He said he wanted to tell Martha not to feel bad for him at all. He also said that they should be firing this guy Bernard McGirk as well.
Howard played a clip from 60 Minutes where Mike Wallace asked Imus about using the N-word while talking to their producer in a car ride over to the studio. Imus denied it at first but then admitted that maybe he did use it but he was probably doing it as a joke in an off-the-record conversation. Imus tried defending himself but Wallace stood his ground and called him out on the racist comments.
Howard said that he has another example of what a piece of shit this guy is. He said that he can't go on the air and say that Artie has herpes or something like that himself because it's slanderous. He said about a year or two ago Imus became pissed off about something he said about him and said something about his girlfriend Beth and used her as a battering ram. He said some things about Beth and they played a bit about her that was just wrong. He said she was actually going to sue Imus over it but Howard told her that would just bring more attention to it. He said he told Beth that he was going to challenge Imus to a fist fight if he would say something like that to his face.
Howard said Imus said that Beth was a whore and had herpes. He said he would never do that to a person because it's slanderous. Howard played the clip where Imus was talking about how Stern has been his bitch all along. He did admit that Howard had about 3 times the ratings that they did but Stern was still his bitch somehow? Howard said that they had almost 5 times the audience that they did. Imus goes on and talks about how he's the I-Man and Mel (Karmazin) likes him better than Howard. He and his crew goof on Howard but even Imus says that there could have been a Howard Stern without Imus. Howard went off on Imus calling him a fucking asshole and other various things.
Howard got back to the tape where Imus pretended to take a phone call from Jayson Williams which was actually Bernard doing a lousy impression of a black guy. The guy said he heard Howard Stern bad mouthing Imus and that just wasn't right. Howard interrupted and said that he didn't have a problem with them going off on him but when they attack Beth, that's when he has the problem. The guy claims that Beth has pimples on her ass and calls her a bitch and that her pussy smells. ''Jayson'' also claims he's been ''hittin that'' for 2 years and she has genital herpes. He then says that he's done with that skank. Howard said this is what this fucknut does to people. Howard said that he'd like to knock that guy's fucking teeth out in the ring. He said he knows that guy doesn't have the balls to do that.
Howard said it was all a big yuck for Imus and his crew. Beth came to him and asked him what she should do after she heard about the bit. Howard said he never called Imus' wife a bitch or that she had any sexually transmitted diseases. He told Beth that she could sue over it for being defamation but Imus is the luckiest motherfucker he's ever known and he'd probably get off somehow. Howard said he never went on the air and said that Deirdre had herpes or anything like that. Beth told him not to ever do that and he never would. Howard said that no one should feel bad for this motherfucker. He then went off on Bernard and how that guy used to call Gary looking for a job with him. He said that if SIRIUS hires that guy, he's out of there. He said that guy is a ''piece of shit garbage.'' He and Robin got back to the 60 Minutes piece for a few seconds as well.
Howard said he wants to get the kid who wrote that article from earlier on the phone. He said no one should feel bad for Imus and no one should believe he has any job offers either. He doesn't think that anyone is rushing to give him a job the day after he was fired.
Howard also had a new Wack Pack Feedback bit that Sal put together. They had Wendy the Retard commenting on Imus' firing. She said that Imus could have said what he said if he was on SIRIUS. Jeff the Drunk also had an opinion on the whole thing. Jeff said that it's about time he got fired for being the racist fuck that he is. Gary the Retard also had some advice for him and called him a stupid fucking retard. Blue Iris was in the bit as well and had some comments about his old shriveled dick. She said she wouldn't mind licking Deirdre's cunt.
Howard said the bottom line is not to feel bad for this asshole. He thinks it's over for this guy now and this is Karma coming to get him. He wondered how this guy became so arrogant in his life. He and Robin talked about that for a short time.
Howard said he thinks that this is the end of terrestrial radio. He said the terrestrial radio industry wasn't afraid of satellite radio until he moved to satellite himself. That's when they realized that it could be huge. He said that when an audience pays for something like this, they're getting what they pay for. It's over for terrestrial radio and he's been saying that since before he made the move. He said they're looking at the future of radio right now when they listen to SIRIUS.
Howard said that he caught Jay Thomas making an appearance on FOX News on the weekend. He said there's this one chick on FOX who is really sexy and always has good things to say about him. He said she's not really a classic beauty but she's really sexy. Artie knew who he was talking about and said that all you can think about his banging her. Howard said that he'd be arrested for what he'd like to do to that chick.
Robin said that Rosie O'Donnell was lumping Howard in with Imus when she was asked about the whole Imus thing. Howard seemed surprised by that. He went in to talk about how Bernard will never work where he works and he hopes his whole family has to go out on the street and get jobs as hookers so they get genital herpes themselves. He said he's done in the business and he loves it. He also had some things to say about the other guys on Imus' show. He wishes them all bad luck and says their careers are over.
Howard said he drove past Imus' apartment building and saw that he had a ton of security out there. He actually wanted to stop and yell out some shit to him. He said that people didn't even see him there because he was wearing a hood. He said he only lives about half a block from him and he really did want to go out there and yell some stuff out.
Gary said that they were showing a pro-Imus rally on the news and there couldn't have been more than 20 people at it. The news had a helicopter shot of the rally and there were hardly any people there.
Howard said that Sean Hannity was talking about this whole thing on his show so he played some clips from that show. Hannity was talking about how talented Howard Stern is and how Imus really doesn't have to do stuff like he was doing because you just have to do a smart, funny show to get an audience. Howard also played a clip from Bill Maher's show where he was goofing on Imus a little bit and throwing Howard's name into some of his jokes.
Howard said that Imus' brother Fred works there at SIRIUS and he made a little bit of an apology for his brother. He played some of the audio and the guy sounds very similar to his brother. Fred and his crew of people who can barely speak were mumbling some stuff about Imus' incident. Fred said that his brother did go over the line with his comments but he did apologize for it. He said some people will never accept that apology but he is his brother and he will defend him until hell freezes over. He said that people should do an investigation into him before the pass judgment on him. Howard said he's known the guy for a long time and he knows what Imus is like so that's how he came up with his opinion on the guy.
Howard said it's time for Imus to go and die... like Johnny Sack from The Sopranos. He said he was up watching the show last night and it was excellent. He said some people thought the show was kind of slow but he's not sure what people are expecting. The guys spent a few minutes talking about that show and how anyone could get killed off at this point.
Howard said that the producers of Lost should take a clue from The Sopranos and come up with an end date. They could do some really cool stuff like they do with The Sopranos and make it great again. He said he thinks that The Sopranos might be the greatest show ever, right after The Honeymooners.
Howard was talking about how he had to take Ambien to get to sleep last night so Robin told him that there are natural things he could do to get to sleep. He said he does beat off to try to sleep but that hasn't been working lately. Robin said there are natural ways that he could try though. He said he's had the same bottle of Ambien for the past 2 or 3 years now and he's not taking it all that much.
Artie said he never had trouble going to sleep when he was working 10 hour days unloading trucks. Howard said he had to take a break after that. He mentioned that David Arquette was going to be coming in later this morning. Jackie Mason is also coming in.
Howard said the e-mailer said that she would almost come to a complete stop in corners. Robin said that she had a mechanical problem. The writer claimed that one of the other celebrities was heard telling Robin to get her black ass out of the way. Robin said they didn't have any radios to comment on so that was bullshit.
Robin said that George Lucas was involved in a head-on collision with another driver. She said that he must have had this idea that he was going to move ahead and he apparently ran out of talent and ended up spinning around, headed backwards and that made another driver go out of control and she hit him head on. She said that he was okay after the crash but he's probably sore today.
Robin said the cars that the cars they were driving were Scions so they're not all that expensive. They used the same cars last season so they are kind of used. Artie said he thinks they'd want new cars for something like that. Howard asked Robin if she's done with racing now. She said that she's not done, she still wants to race Bubba the Love Sponge and she wants someone to set up a date for that.
Robin claimed that she didn't finish last. She was able to pass all of the people who crashed. She denied being last but she really did finish last because the people who finished after her didn't finish the race. She finally admitted she was the last one of the cars that were still moving. She claimed she didn't have any scratches on her car though.
A phone caller told Robin he heard Steve Langford's special report and now he wants to know if Bubba is going to be able to grab on to her big black boobies when she loses to him. Robin said she's not done with her racing experiences. She said she went to the Bondurant school of driving while they were on vacation so she's been doing a lot of racing.
Howard asked Robin if Bubba is going to get to feel her up. She aid that was never part of the deal, it's just a kiss that Bubba is going to get if Bubba beats her. Robin said that KC, Sam Simon, Robin Radzinski, Ralph and others came out to see her race over the weekend. She said it was very nice. She said that she walked up to a fence to greet some people at the race and someone yelled out that Bubba was so going to beat her when they do eventually race.
Artie aids that they have some great shots of him falling asleep during the Miss Black Howard Stern segment and it really does look like he's falling asleep and because he's on heroin or something. He told Howard he has to check that show out because he really looks like he's nodding off. He credited Brian Phelan for that because he controls his camera. He said that Scott DePace is the great director who cuts to that shot and he goes to it at just the right moment.
Howard mentioned some of the specials they have coming up like Robin's race, JD at the AVN awards, Eating with Artie and many other specials are coming up. Hanzi interrupted and apologized for what happened the last time he called in because he screwed up. He said he usually has a sheet he goes off of but today he didn't have one. Howard got back to the list and said they have the hot chick slumber party in the works along with a ton of other things. He said he's got a list of about 10,000 things on the list.
Robin said that she had to say that Dave Mira was the winner of the race she was in and he did a great job. She also said that Martina Navratilova finished second and she may have been able to beat Dave if George Lucas hadn't crashed. That cut down the race to 7 laps.
Artie brought up The Sopranos again and mentioned some of the great writing they did on that show. He said that Phil Leotardo's character was named after Leonardo Davinci and he's the one on the show going around and killing off all of the gay guys. He thought that was great writing.
Lisa said that Katherine McPhee has joined the Sanjaya phenomenon so she'll have more on that. She said they'll also have a new Page 69 about an unnamed Stern staffer who was offered oral sex in the elevator and he said yes to it but never heard from her again after saying yes to her. Howard wondered who it could be. Artie said it wasn't him. Howard wondered if it was Benjy. He knew it wasn't Fred though. Fred said he thinks that it was Richard. Howard thanked Lisa for that and let her go.
Robin asked David about the giant wedding ring he was wearing. She said it was huge so David explained how Courtney (Cox) had given him a ring that was even bigger so they had it melted down and made smaller for him. Howard asked David how long they dated before they got married. He said it was about 3 years or so. They didn't wait all that long before they had got it on. He said they met on the set of Scream so it was an on screen dating thing going on there. Howard said there's something about being on the set of a movie because of the way you get coddled.
Howard asked David if Courtney has any negatives like hitting him or something like that. He said she doesn't do that but she will tell him like it is and not hold back. Howard read in the tabloids that Courtney is cheating on him with someone on the set of her TV show ''Dirt.'' David said he knows that's not true, he knows the guy they're talking about and he's a great guy. He said that they do love scenes on the show and that's why people think she's having an affair. David threw in a mention for the fans of the show that they need to write to FX and ask them to bring the show back for a second season.
Howard said that the tabloid would be sued if the story wasn't true. David said that they have never sued over that kind of thing before and there have been many stories like that. Howard kept digging but David threatened to walk out, while laughing, and said that just because Howard slept around doesn't mean he did. Howard told David he never slept around, that's not why he got divorced.
Howard asked David where Courtney is now. David joked that she was in bed with her co-star and laughed at that. Howard asked David how he brings that stuff up with Courtney. He said they usually get a call before the story comes out and they're asked for a comment. He said they always say ''no comment'' for stuff like that. He said if she really is cheating on him he'd just say ''good riddance'' to her. He said they don't keep secrets from each other in their relationship but Howard said every relationship has secrets.
David said there are some stories about him flirting with some ''nappy hos'' out there. He said some girls wanted to have their picture taken with him and he turned them away. Howard told David that there was once a story about him buying a car for a stripper and that was completely false so maybe this isn't true. Howard kept digging at the story but David stood up as if he were going to walk out. Artie aids that maybe they planted the story to get some publicity for ''Dirt.'' David said they didn't do that but he did once try to set up a story like that to get some publicity. Their publicist told them it was a bad idea so they put a stop to it.
Howard asked David if it's tough to see his wife making out with her co-star. David said that is kind of tough. He also said that she sometimes goes out to dinner with her. Howard seemed to think that wasn't a good thing and asked David why she doesn't invite David to go with them. David was joking around about the whole thing and joking about the call he might make to her about something like that. He said he just doesn't do that kind of thing and it's not an issue for him. He said they've been married for 7 years now and maybe it's the 7 year itch and maybe he should give her a call.
David said that they do go to counseling sometimes so Howard asked what that's about. He said he has to go to a shrink himself but he doesn't bring Beth with him. David said they don't go often, they just go once in a very long while. Howard wondered what brings that up and why they have to go. David said he might get stubborn about something and she'll bring him to therapy with her.
Howard asked David if he got into trouble about the stuff he talked about the last time he was on. David said that what he did was kind of disrespectful to the other people and he didn't want to get into it again. Jennifer Aniston was one of those people so Howard talked about the one time he met her when she was representing a weight loss product and came on the show for that. He said she wasn't really ''Jennifer Aniston'' at the time though.
Howard asked David if he's not allowed to talk about Brad Pitt now. He said he can but he's going to take the 5th on that and not have his comments taken out of context again. David said Howard and Robin do this whirlpool thing where they talk and play sound effects that confuse people.
David said that he didn't get into trouble for talking about that stuff the last time he was on. He said he just noticed that the stories got picked up and ended up all over the place. He said he came across as a blabbermouth and he's really not like that.
Howard asked David who else is in his circle of friends other than Jennifer Aniston. David said he's friends with Vincent Gallo and he's a great guy. He said they've known him for a very long time now and most of the stuff he does is just for shock value... and Howard should know something about that. David said the last time he was on the show he paid dearly for what he said so he's staying quiet today.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she likes ''Dirt.'' Howard asked her if she thinks that something could be going on with Courtney and her co-star. She said she thinks that Howard and Robin are being snakes this morning and nothing is going on.
Howard asked David if he followed all of this Imus thing. David said he didn't get what the big stink was and there have been a lot worse things said in the past. Howard asked David if he would want his daughter called a ''nappy headed ho.'' David said that he was surprised that the line was turned into such a big thing. He said they're called names all the time and it seemed to be blown out of proportion a bit.
Howard asked David about this new movie he has out called ''The Tripper.'' David explained the movie and said that it's a political thriller and you can find out more about it at Myspace.com/TheTripperMovie. David said he directed the movie and he plays a part in it as well. There is a lot of blood and gore and sex in the movie. She said that the chick who gets semi-nude is hot. He also said that there's a naked hippie couple in the beginning of the movie as well. It's also got an R-rating which Howard was happy to hear. He said he misses the R-rated movies these days.
David asked Howard what he does about hate mail because he just started to get some after never getting any. He said that the mail is about what he's done in his movie. Howard told him to just go do his thing and that's it. He asked David if Courtney's boobs are real or fake. He claimed they were real but it seemed like there was some confusion there. He said that she even breast fed but they've held up nicely. Howard asked him about Jennifer Aniston's breasts and if they sag. David just laughed.
Howard asked David what his daughter calls Courtney's new boyfriend. He joked that she calls him ''new daddy.'' Howard also asked how old the daughter is and found out that she's going to be three this year. They spent a minute talking about her. Howard said it's horrible when the girls discover their sexuality. He said it makes you want to jump out of a window.
Howard said that David seems to be a happy guy and seems to have it together. That led right into him asking David about his brother who dresses up like a woman. David said that 'she' has a movie coming out that will be in the Tribecca Film Festival. Howard asked him if he ever talks to his brother and asks him not to cut his cock off. He said it's really up to her if she wants to do that.
Artie said he thinks that David doesn't give a shit about whether or not Courtney cheats on him. David said he'd be done with her if she did do something like that. He doesn't believe that's the case.
David said that this movie of his is opening up on 4/20 which Artie reminded everyone is a pot reference. David said the movie is about pot smokers so that's where the reference comes in. He said he's taken some drugs in his life and talked about how he used heroin once in a while. He doesn't do that anymore though. He said he might smoke some pot once in a while. David was talking a bit about that and it hit him all of a sudden that this was going to be the next article if he kept talking about it. He said he can see the headlines about their marriage being in ruins and how he was on drugs and stuff.
Gary came in and said he read that David and Courtney love to smoke a ton of weed but David said that's not the case. He also heard that Jennifer and Brad were heavy pot smokers but David denied that as well. Gary said the real reason he was in was to show a picture of Courtney half naked. They showed the picture on the monitor and David said it was real. David said that their daughter Cocoa had pulled her shirt down. David thanked Gary for coming in with that and asked the guys to removed it from the screen. Fred said that he thought they looked real to him.
Howard took some phone calls and let some people talk to David. One guy said he's looking forward to this new movie of his. David mentioned the myspace page for the movie again (Myspace.com/TheTripperMovie) and that one of the most popular videos on the page was where he peed ''The Tripper.'' One caller said that David was one of the most popular guests at this event he was at over the weekend. He said David was nice enough to give his autograph's for free there while other people were selling theirs. The guy rattled off a bunch of names of people who were there charging for their autographs. Richard Christy was there at the event and said that they interviewed a bunch of people while they were there. Richard said some people walked away pretty quick, even David walked away. David said that they actually pulled him away.
David said that they can't find a movie theater in New York City so he asked Howard to help him out there. Howard said he'd see what he could do for him and then went to break.
Robin asked Jackie if he plucks his eyebrows. He said that everyone asked him how he can look the way he does at his age. He said he's turning 71 on Thursday. Howard told him he looks good compared to him. Jackie went on to say that he thinks that Chris Rock is a Jackie Mason imitator, just a black version, but he thinks that he's really a funny guy. He said he resents that because he's making more money than he is.
Howard asked Jackie which stand-up comedians he respects. Jackie said he respects a lot of them but wasn't giving names. He was busy sniffing over and over again after every comment. Jackie went on to say that Jerry Seinfeld is one guy he respects and he gets the same respect from him as well. Howard asked him who he thinks is the most overrated comic out there. Jackie said that he would never louse up another person, unlike Howard. He said that anyone who has fans who are willing to pay to see them is doing just fine. He said he would never bad mouth any of them. He said that just because Howard is rumored to be making $500 million doesn't make him resent him, he said it makes him a little nauseous though.
Jackie said he's got this new book out called ''Schmucks!: Our Favorite Fakes, Frauds, Lowlifes, Liars, the Armed and Dangerous, and Good Guys Gone Bad.'' Howard didn't get into that right away, he held off and asked Jackie some questions about going to temple and stuff like that. Jackie went into a whole speech about that but Howard eventually cut him off and got back to the book. Howard said Jackie wrote this book with the lawyer Raoul Felder. They talked about some of the stuff in the book. One of the things in the book is a story about how Bill Maher tried to sue him for stealing his show name ''Politically Incorrect'' even though Jackie had that show name about a year before Bill had his. The lawyer ended up throwing that whole case out.
Howard asked Jackie about some other things like Paul McCartney's divorce. That led to Jackie saying that the band was just lucky and joked about how they needed four people just to sing one song. Howard asked Jackie about his friends and asked if he hangs out with other comedians. He talked about that a little bit but then Howard asked him if he can still get it up at that age. Jackie told him not to ask him questions like that. He said he'd smack Howard in the mouth if he could reach that high. He was joking around but he did refuse to answer those kind of questions. He wouldn't even talk about if he had a girlfriend or not. Jackie said that kind of information makes no difference at all and it's not going to help anyone to know if he's going out with anyone.
Howard said that in Jackie's book he attacks some celebrities like Barbra Streissand. He asked Jackie to talk about her so he went off on her for a few seconds. He sniffed after almost every comment he made during the interview. It was constant sniffing but no one was saying a word about that. Jackie said that she had this power to paralyze the Jews who went to see her perform. He said her singing was very good but they thought her looks were going to hold her back in her career.
Howard asked Jackie about this Michael Richards guy and what he thinks about what he said. Jackie ended up going off on Al Sharpton for what he's done and said in his life. He said that this guy shouldn't be the judge and jury for this country when he's done what he's done. Robin tried asking him a question but he was saying he wasn't going to talk to her about that. Robin was actually agreeing with him though. Jackie said it's unusual for a black person to say what Robin was saying.
Howard asked Jackie about Katie Couric because he talks about her in his book as well. He said that she doesn't look the part and really shouldn't be in that position. He also attacks Steven Spielberg in his book so Howard asked him about that. Jackie explained that and then told Howard that he was tired. Howard said he'd wrap up then if that was the case. Artie said he saw Jackie do his stand-up for 2 hours on Broadway. Jackie said he doesn't work half as hard there as he has on this show. Fred played a resuscitator clip as he was talking about that.
Howard wrapped up with Jackie and gave him another plug for his book ''Schmucks!: Our Favorite Fakes, Frauds, Lowlifes, Liars, the Armed and Dangerous, and Good Guys Gone Bad'' and told Jackie that he thinks he's one of the best out there. He went to break after that... get that man a tissue for fucks sake.
Howard let Bobo go and took a call from Wolfie who said that the Big Foot special on Howard TV was great. He said that it was absolutely great to see how that guy lives. He said he couldn't believe that Steve Langford had to stay with Big Foot and his crew for so long. Artie wondered what section it was under but Wolfie wasn't sure. He said that maybe they should have Artie and Big Foot sit down and have an eating competition because Big Foot was able to eat a whole pizza in one sitting.
Artie said they did something like that at K-Rock and he was able to eat a while pie in a half hour. Howard said he could probably beat both of them because he eats so fast. He thinks that he could eat a whole pie too. Robin didn't think he could do that though. Howard said he could have eaten a whole pie when he was at this restaurant over the weekend.
Artie said the pie he was looking at on the monitor in the studio was a bar pie which is smaller than the pies they have there in the city. Wolfie also talked about how Big Foot seems to go from motel to motel living from room to room. He doesn't have a lot of stuff to bring with him either. He just carries a bag of stuff and a couple bottles of soda with him.
Wolfie told Howard and the guys more about some of the stuff that went on in that special. Howard thanked him for the call but Wolfie said that he was watching the show where Artie got the date invitation from the porn star agent and there was a blurry scene at the 51 minute mark. He told Howard to have the guys look into that.
Artie said that he couldn't stop thinking about that blonde (Heather) all weekend. He didn't end up on going on the date he had with the Philly chick because he got really sick. He said she now probably thinks that he actually went out with that Leah chick even though he didn't.
Howard said that Tim should be motivated by $20,000 but he hasn't lost all that much weight. Tim got on the scale and came in at 260 pounds. He gained 5 pounds. Jason got on the scale and came in at 236 pounds which was a loss of 3 pounds. Brian Phelan got on the scale and came in at 227 so he only lost one pound.
Scott the Engineer came in so Gary talked about how Scott had some troubles at his house when they got all of this rain over the weekend. They had a window well that filled up with water and the water poured into the basement. Scott had a sump pump but his power went out so he had to go in the basement and bail out the water all night. Scott got on the scale and came in at 235 pounds this week. He only lost a pound. Scott said he's been doing the same stuff he was doing in the past few weeks and he still only lost a pound. He thinks he'll be fine after that.
Benjy was the biggest threat to everyone because he's lost so much so far. He got on the scale and came in at 238, a gain of 10 pounds. The guys thought he was messing around but Benjy said he had been eating a bit last week. He found it hard to believe that it was 10 pounds. He still thinks that he's going to defeat the guys. The guys asked Benjy what's up with him and why he's messing with them. Robin said he did talk about gaining weight early on in the competition.
The guys wondered if he had any weights shoved up his ass or anything so Benjy bent over and showed everyone his ass. Benjy started laughing when he did that and Artie said it smelled like ass over there. Howard said it looked like he was clean there and there was nothing shoved up there. Benjy was giggling so Howard wondered why he was doing that. He said it was because he just showed his ass. Then he showed off his balls to the guys and Gary said it looked like he had Jackie Mason balls.
Artie thinks that he's just psyching out the rest of the guys. Benjy was accusing everyone of messing with him while everyone else thought he was messing with them. Howard had him remove his hat and get back on the scale. Fred said they should weigh him naked. He got back on the scale and came in a pound lower.
The guys wanted to see how much Artie weighed this week just for the fun of it. Artie went over and weighed in at 294 pounds. He seemed excited about that. He wasn't even trying anymore. Here's how the contest has gone so far for the remaining members...
Howard spent a short time talking about working with Billy and how he really didn't work for his show. He was working with the radio station at the time. He said Billy came to him one day and said that he wanted to be a full time member of the show and they couldn't make the deal for whatever reason. Howard thought that they should have kept him around but the guy was doing all kinds of other jobs too. Howard felt like Billy was angry at him but Richard said that Billy told them that he'd come on the show anytime. He's not bitter at all from what he could tell. Artie said that he remembers that he and some friends were talking about how they thought Billy was going to replace Jackie when Jackie left. That didn't happen though.
Howard said Richard went over and interviewed Eric Roberts and he got very pissed at them because he didn't know they were from the stern Show. Richard said he calmed down once he knew they were from the Stern Show. He loves the show so he calmed down. Richard asked Eric about his sister Julia so Eric talked about her and why things aren't that good between them. Richard also asked Eric about the fattest chick he's ever banged and who the most famous chick was that he had banged.
Eric was all nice to Richard and JD after he knew they were from the Stern Show. He had some nice things to say to Robin. The guys talked about Eric and how great of an actor he is.
Howard had another interview where JD and Richard talked to a fan who was at the convention they were at. The guy was 45 years old and gave them a ''ha ha ha'' when they asked him when he last got laid. Richard asked him if he lives with his mom. He said that didn't have much to do with the convention scene. He didn't answer any of those questions seriously.
Howard said Richard and JD had another interview with Robert Beltran from Star Trek Voyager. Richard asked him if he shaves his private parts. The guy didn't answer that and told them they might need to get laid because he hasn't heard those kind of questions since he was in high school. They didn't last too long with that guy.
Howard played another clip where JD and Richard interviewed this Cybil Danning chick. JD and Richard both told her that she was very hot when they were younger. JD asked her if she found him attractive at all. She said that both of them were attractive and every guy has something attractive about them. JD asked her if penis size matters to her. She didn't want to get into that kind of stuff so they ended it.
Howard said this guy Zacherly used to work as a DJ and he had his own TV show called Chiller Theater on a local TV station. Howard said that he remembers watching him when he was younger and it was kind of funny to watch. He said it was also kind of cool. Gary told Howard that the guy is going to be 89 this September but he sounds great for his age. Howard played the clip and Zacherly was making up stories about giving Howard advice about getting into the industry. Howard had forgotten that they worked with the guy at K-Rock for a while. Gary had to remind him about that.
Howard played another clip where Richard and JD jerked this convention goer around by telling him that their recording equipment wasn't working right. They had him repeating himself over and over again. The guy kept saying ''How's it goin' guys... I'm here for the Chiller Theater...'' They'd cut him off and tell him it didn't record so he'd repeat himself over and over again. Richard said they had to cut that down quite a bit and they actually talked to him for a really long time and jerked him around like that the whole time. Howard thanked them for that and moved on to Steve Langford.
Steve said they got a tour of Crazy Alice's apartment. They get to see where she yells at Artie when she's on the phone. They'll have more of that today. They will also be talking about Sanjaya and how Hillary Clinton has finally commented on it. He also got in a plug for Chuck Zito's View show that's on tonight at 7pm on Howard 101.
Howard had Jon Hein come in after that. Fred played his ''Rich Nerd'' theme when he came in. Jon said they'll be talking about David Arquette's visit and of course Jackie Mason's visit as well. They'll also talk about Robin's race and about Benjy's 10 pound weight gain this week. Howard thanked him for that and had Robin start her news.
The guys talked about some of the weird places where they had sex in their lives. No one really had any crazy stories though. Artie said he had sex under a boardwalk but that wasn't all that crazy. He also said he got a hand job in Redondo Beach but that was in a hotel room so not crazy at all.
Howard had Fred doing his Imus impression during the news and singing along to Smoke on the Water again like he was doing last week. Howard took a call from Bong Hit Eric who wanted to hear the replay of the clip he played earlier in the morning but Robin told him to listen to the replay instead.
Howard also told people to listen to the first hour of this morning's show if they want to hear his comments on Imus. He read some mail about last weeks Sybian rides and he said some guys are really getting sick of that stuff.
Howard said he saw that Beer League was on On Demand when he was flipping through it. He also mentioned that Artie broke another chair in their weekly meeting last week. Artie said he didn't even lean into the chair, it just fell apart on it's own. Howard said that's not the first chair he's broken either. He's broken a few since gaining the weight.
Howard ended the show after Robin finished up her news around 10:50am.
Howard started off the show saying he may not be at the top of his game today because he's been up since 2:30 in the morning. He was all cranky and crabby for some reason so he had Beth give him some sex and stuff but that didn't work. He said he's been thinking about a lot of stuff and chess is one of them. He thinks that chess keeps him from thinking about other things that are more important.
Howard told Artie that he should get into chess because that might keep him from getting into other things. Artie said that he's thought about playing golf too but he's always said that heroin is better than golf. Howard went on to say that he thinks he's addicted to chess. He talked about a kid he was reading about who plays chess all the time and how he hustles guys to win money from people. The kid is kept on the chess team at school and they keep him on because it keeps him coming to school. The kid said that he's addicted to it and that's all he can do is play that game all day and all night.
Howard said you have to keep everything in proper perspective. He said he thinks the chess playing is getting to him and he realizes that he might not get any better even though he keeps playing. He said he can't stand not playing because there are so many nuances to the game. He said he could play the rest of his life and still not get any good at it.
Artie was talking about how there are a lot of nuances around golf as well. He said you really need a lot of knowledge in either one while maybe in football or baseball, you don't need that much. He and Howard talked about the games for a short time before Howard talked about how he's not going to be with it this morning.
In the clip Laura Bush is reading a book and says ''The Beardsley Jew'' instead of ''Zoo.'' Howard and the guys thought that was kind of funny and had some fun goofing on it for a few seconds.
Howard said that Al Sharpton was on Oprah's show yesterday talking about this Imus thing. She had a few other people like India Ari, Russell Simmons and some other people as well. He said you want to vomit when you see Al Sharpton getting any credit at all.
Howard said there are a couple of authors in Time magazine who used to be on Imus' show. They both basically said that they liked Imus because they got famous from being on the show. Now they're coming out and saying that they ignored the comments that Imus would make. Howard said he's been talking about Imus' racist comments for 30 years and no one listened, now they all come out of the woodwork. He said this Anna Marie Cox and whoever the other guy is from Time are both saying they knew it the whole time but didn't come forward.
Howard said even Al Roker is coming forward and saying that Imus should have been fired years ago. He should have been saying that when he was still working instead of waiting until after he was fired. Robin also pointed out that there were a lot of people out there who would run to Imus' show instead of doing Howard's show because he was supposed to be the ''thinking man's shock jock.''
Howard asked Robin which is worse, the tit suck or the jerking off. She said they're both bad and she doesn't want to do either. Howard asked her which she would do if she was forced to do it. Robin said she'd take the nipple sucking because it was only 10 seconds. She figures the jerking off would last much longer than that.
Howard said he got a letter from a guy who said that Robin did get better and better over the weekend while she was racing. She was very cautious and did a good job according to this guy. He told her to keep getting in more and more seat time to get better. Robin said she really doesn't have the time to do that though, that's the problem. The guy also gives her some advice about what kind of race to do against Bubba. The guy said he'd like to race against Robin too and wished her luck in all of that.
Robin said that the instructors who were teaching the celebrities out in California were very excited about how much she improved. She said she improved her time by 12 seconds from practice to racing so she's having a great time. She doesn't want to give up the race against Bubba because she loves doing it. She said that he's going to have to get into a car and drive against her to get anything off of her. She's not just going to give up the whole thing. She said no one lapped her in the race so she thinks she can do just fine against Bubba.
Howard had some audio clips of Imus' wife Deirdre filling in for her husband on his former radio show. She asked for people to stop writing to the women from Rutgers since it was hate mail. She said that they should send that kind of mail to her husband. Howard said she's become a whole celebrity now because of this whole thing.
Captain Janks asked Howard if he thinks that Deirdre is going to leave her husband over all of this. Howard said he thinks that will happen. Janks said he'd like to go on a date with her so maybe they should have a Dial-A-Date for her. Howard talked about how great it is that Imus wasn't wearing his cowboy hat when he was making all of those apologies.
Howard said someone suggested that they take Imus clips and mix them with Buddy Ebsen clips because they sound kind of similar. He did that and had the two gross old men talking and slurring their words. Buddy has a nasty phlegm thing in his throat so that was grossing Howard out. He said that was the last time anyone would hear that because it grossed him out so much.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said that Robin has man sized balls doing the things she does. Howard thinks that Robin is trying to become the next James Bond. He said she's doing the car racing thing and driving her boat so she can run from her car to her boat just like Bond would do. He said she's probably going to join the CIA and become the next James Bond. Howard said she has to learn to shoot now. She also has to learn to skydive. Robin said she's thinking about doing that because Martina Navratilova was talking about doing it.
Howard said it seems like Robin has a death wish or something. Robin said she's not afraid to die and she hates fear so she just refused to get more fearful. She said she fears a lot of things but she will confront those fears. She doesn't have a checklist of things to do but she will do things when she wants to do them. She said she's been thinking about piloting a plane so that's another thing she might do. Howard said maybe Robin and Martina could get it on in the sky sometime. That led to the guys asking Robin if she would rather kiss Bubba or Martina if she had to pick. She said that she would kiss Bubba. She still loves men and has no problem with Bubba because he seems to take care of his teeth even if they are a little too white now.
Robin talked about how pumped up she got to drive the race car over the weekend. She said the adrenalin started pumping about 3 hours before the race started and it continues the whole time.
Gary said he had four different people on the show and they're still there at the station. They only got rid of him. Howard said that's like Imus' show because Charles McCord is still there at WFAN. Howard talked to Gary about his career and if he's now branded as a racist. Gary said he doesn't think that anyone even knows him so he should be ok.
Howard put the word out to Nassau Broadcasting and told them that Gary in the Morning didn't do anything wrong. He asked Gary if he has a cancer ranch to fall back on like Imus does. Gary laughed and said he didn't think that far ahead. Howard asked Gary what good things he's done for black people that he could talk about. Gary said he'd have to get back to Howard about that. He didn't have any things to talk about like Imus did when he was making his apology.
Howard said that Nassau Broadcasting should give this guy a break and put him back on the air. Gary said that he's been number one in the market for 17 years and he's been working in the business for 30 years. He said he almost got a job on WYSP years ago but then they hired Howard down there and he got screwed out of a job. Howard apologized to him for that.
Howard said that it's time to stop the nonsense and get Gary back on the air. He asked Gary if there are a lot of black people in the area he was working in. Gary said there are some but not all that many. He said he could probably count them real quick if he wanted. Howard wished him luck after that and asked him if he's had any job offers. Gary said he's had a couple. Howard told him to keep them updated and let him go.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Imus must be thrilled about this shooting because he's now out of the headlines. Howard said that Oprah is still talking about him and dedicating a second day to the Imus thing.
Howard got back to the shootings and talked about how the gunman had killed a couple of people early in the morning and then waited 2 hours before shooting the students in the other area of the campus. Security at the school assumed the guy had left the campus and they had no idea that he was coming back so they didn't evacuate anyone there.
Howard said all of that came about because the shooter had some chick break up with him. He and the guys talked about how messed up that was. Robin also said that the shooter was a Chinese national who was here to study, he wasn't even a citizen.
Howard and the guys talked about how people can get guns no matter who they are and the gun laws don't seem to do any good. If someone wants to get a gun, they're going to get them. Howard said the one survivor who had blocked the door was saying that the shooter was very relaxed while he was blowing all of these people away. Most of the people who were killed were students so they talked about how awful the whole thing was.
Howard said that even if they had a security person for every kid there, they could still be hurt. He said even President Reagan was shot with all of the security he had around him when he was President. He took a call from a guy who wanted to know more details about the shooter but Howard really didn't know enough about it. He said even the cop at the press conference wasn't giving out the details and was just saying he didn't know.
Howard wanted to get Ronnie the Limo Driver's advice on what they should do about security in the colleges. Ronnie didn't come in so Fred played some audio clips of him until he did show up. Ronnie said he's been doing security for about 10 years now so Howard asked him what the solution is. Ronnie said they would have to put up metal detectors and have everyone walk through them every morning. Howard liked that answer and said he was impressed. Artie said that sounded reasonable to him. He said the high school he went to has metal detectors now. That doesn't seem all that far of a stretch for colleges to do.
Ronnie told Robin that if she wants more seat time, he knows some people at the Richard Petty school that want her to go there. He said he got food poisoning while he was down there and he had an awful time with his hemorrhoids so he really wasn't looking forward to the drive. Artie said he's never had problems with his 'roids while all of these other guys have had that. Howard told him what can cause it and Artie said he's guilty of all of that stuff.
Ronnie said he was in agony the whole time he was down there so he had to go out and buy some Preparation H to get over the pain. Once he was in the car he forgot all about the pain though. Artie reminded everyone about the hemorrhoid contest they had on the show that one time and how awful that was. Howard said they have that on Howard TV.
Howard talked to the guy he had on the phone about the Virginia Tech thing and what else they could do to keep stuff like that from happening again. Howard said that most mental breakdowns occur in young adults who are in their 20s. Howard said he wouldn't mind going through the metal detectors every morning if he was in school. Robin said that doesn't actually make you safe, it's all in your mind. Howard told Robin she was out of her mind after she was talking about how that safety is all in your mind and not everyone can block a door with their foot to keep someone from shooting you.
Howard played some of the Sanjaya song parodies that he had played earlier in the morning. Eric asked if Ralph is going to have his show this week. Howard said he hadn't heard anything about it. Eric said he thinks that Tim is an idiot if he doesn't put Ralph on again to do his show this week. Artie told Eric to keep his PJ pants on and calm down. Eric threw in a ''Yankees suck'' comment so Artie went off on him a little bit.
Tim Sabean came in and told Eric that calling him an idiot was uncalled for. He went on to talk about how the Ralph show was done while Howard was off to pump up the Sanjaya votes. They're not going to do it again. Howard brought up how Tim didn't lose any weight and how Chuck Zito was talking about that on his radio show last night. He played some audio from the show and Chuck said Tim had all kinds of excuses for not working out so that's why he gained 5 pounds. Chuck said when he makes Tim work out, he loses weight. Now he's not working out and he's gaining weight. Chuck said he was making him look bad so he'd better get back on that work out.
Howard said he thought Chuck was just going to punch Tim in the jaw, breaking it, so he wouldn't be able to eat. Tim said that may have been the thing to do because it may have actually worked. Howard went on to play some more clips from Chuck Zito's show where he talked about the Imus thing. Chuck asked who died and left Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson in charge. He talked about what racists and bigots Sharpton and Jackson are. Chuck also said that the girls at Rutgers are saying that they're scarred for life but also said that if ''hos'' is the worst thing they're called in their lives, they're doing pretty good. Chuck thinks that Imus never should have been fired over what he said.
Howard said that Chuck doesn't know Imus the way he does so he's not familiar with all of his racist comments from the past. He played Manson's Imus song parody that he played earlier in the show after all of that Imus talk. Then he got back to the Chuck Zito show and played a clip where Chuck talks about spending time in a Japanese prison. Howard laughed when he talked about that. Chuck talked about how he was on tour with Bon Jovi and some other bands. He said there was a big sweep of some Hell's Angels homes. He said he got thrown in prison over there in Japan because of that and it was awful. He said the worst prisons in the U.S. are like hotels compared to the prisons in Japan. Chuck said that he knows that some guys were talking shit about him over there even though he didn't speak the language.
Howard said four months in a Japanese prison is crazy. Artie said he only spent 3 days in L.A. County jail and it was horrible. Howard continued to play the Chuck Zito clip where he was talking about the prison stay. He said it was not a good thing over there. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. She said they have a story in the news about Gary being featured in Sound and Vision magazine. They have him featured in their magazine and talk about how Gary is a true audio and videophile. They've also given him a new name of ''Gadget Gary'' because of the many gadgets he's got in his house. That led to Fred playing one of the newer Baba Booey song parodies. Howard told everyone to check out that magazine which is on the newsstands today. Lisa said that Gary will be reviewing things for the magazine and there's a special message on the spine of the magazine. Robin said it's actually a reference to his ''Mac-Hine'' screw up.
The guys all started goofing on Gary after Robin read some quotes from the magazine. Fred was doing his impression of Gary and making fun of a comment he made about the size of the TV and how he would have had to have moved the sconces on the wall if he had gotten a bigger one. Howard said Gary has cameras up in his house so he can watch them in his office. He said that's what Gary does all day back there. Howard said he's seen Gary back there staring at the computer and he's so proud of that house.
Howard asked Gary why he's in the magazine and found out he got a discount on some of the work he had done. He said it was Panasonic and TiVo that hooked him up and helped him out. He said all of that got featured in the article. He's got a button he can hit in his house that lights up the trail from his bed room to the garage so he can get out when it's dark in the house. Howard thanked him for that and had Lisa get back to her news preview. He told Gary to follow his lighted trail back to his office.
Lisa said that Yucko the Clown is now engaged so that got a laugh out of Artie. Lisa also said that they'll be talking about Sanjaya today and how he's predicted to make the top 4 on American Idol. That led to Howard introducing this guy Dave Delaturza guy who started VoteForTheWorst.com.
Howard asked Dave if they have anything else on VoteForTheWorst.com right now. He said it's just the Sanjaya thing at this point. Dave is actually doing an appearance on David Letterman's show tonight so this has become very big for him. He said that he just met Jon Hein out there in the office so that was a big deal for him as well. He said that he's supposed to do a pre-interview after this show. He's going to be on with Craig Ferguson and Avril Lavigne. That led to Howard talking about Avril and how cute he thinks she is. He said he even likes her new song.
Howard said that Dave may not even see Avril there at Letterman because they kind of keep people hidden away. Artie jokingly told him it's okay to run up to her and give her a hug if he does see her. Howard asked Dave if he will tell David Letterman that he's gay. Dave said he would if Dave asked him that.
Howard said that when Dave called in the last time he said that if they had kept Sanjaya in for another week he was going to give his boyfriend anal sex. Dave said he did follow through on that and did give him anal. Howard told him that he should tell Letterman that and he thinks that he'd like that. Dave said he'd see how things go before he'll consider bringing that up.
Howard asked Dave more about the anal thing and asked how that all went down. Dave said they were getting to that point in their relationship so it was just a matter of time. Dave said it does hurt the first time you do that. He hadn't done it in a long time so it was a little painful. Artie said he can imagine that the second time is quite a mess as well. Howard told Benjy he should show him his asshole like he did on the show yesterday. Benjy said he has a clean ass and uses a shower head that comes off to clean out his ass so it's clean.
Dave talked about how the web site came about and how he got that rolling a few years ago. He said that they're starting to make some money with the site and they're talking to some sponsors about advertising. They get about 10 million visitors per week now so they're doing pretty good.
Dave said that they haven't heard from Sanjaya yet and he's not sure if they will hear from him while he's on the show. Howard said he thinks he could get Sanjaya to the end of the show. He thinks that the guy could just go up and not even sing and still stay in it. Howard also said that there are a lot of young girls voting for him so it's not just their campaign that's keeping him in it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to see if this guy was going to go on Letterman and really push for Sanjaya. Howard said he'd like him to do that too and not say that he doesn't believe he's going to make it to the end. Dave said he'd do that.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked Dave about doing anal and if he does it with a lot of guys. Dave said he really doesn't do it with that many guys. Howard wrapped up with him and told him to go on Letterman and be confident. Dave said he would do that and he won't let them down.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he heard that the producers of American Idol are coming out with a new Veto system that will allow the judges to veto the votes if they don't like a certain performer on the show. Dave said that would be lame and it would probably piss people off enough to make them stop watching. Howard played a Sanjaya song parody that he had played earlier in the morning and then went to break.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he just got satellite radio a couple of months ago and he's very happy he did. He said he never thought it would be as good as it is. Robin said that she still gets people coming up to her and telling her that they miss them.
The caller asked to hear one of Richard Christy's phony phone calls where he's trying to buy a porno collection. Howard played one that wasn't the right one so Richard came in and told him he had the right one for him so he played that instead. In the call Richard calls about a porn collection that a guy is selling and talks to the guy about some of the movies he's selling. Richard and the guy talk about some of the freakier things they've seen in porn movies. Richard was making up all kinds of crazy stuff that the guy on the phone sounded interested in seeing. Howard said he never thought anyone would request that phony phone call.
Robin was eating something so Howard went off on her about that. He didn't like that she was eating while they were doing the show so she said Artie is always eating so she figured it would be fine. Howard got back to the interviews and played one where Garver interviewed this Lois Jewell who played a slave girl in one episode in season two of the original series. They whipped through a bunch of others where Garver would ask the people who they played on the show. They were characters that you would never know. They all said that their episode was a ''classic episode.''
Howard noticed that Artie was breathing heavy again so he pointed that out to him. He got back to the clips and whipped through the actors and actresses that were on those old shows. Howard said he didn't remember one of these people and wondered what they get paid to be at those conventions. He said he'd be pissed off if he went there and saw these people at the convention. Robin said that these are the people that you can never get though. Howard finally recognized one guy who played Commander Pike and another character. Howard said he should go to one of the conventions and pretend to be one of these people.
Gary came in and said that those bit players actually have to pay to get into the conventions and set up. He said that they have to sell about 20 autographs just to break even there. Howard got back to this Commander Pike character and talked about how this guy played the head in the box and not even the original Commander Pike.
Howard played a few more of the quick interviews that Garver did. The interviews were all very short because they were just playing their intros where the actors would explain what episodes they were on. Howard said this is like the people who were in costume in Star Wars who go out and do the same type of thing. They talked about the people who played C-3PO, Darth Vader, Chewbacca and others. They goofed on all of them a little bit. Gary said that the guy who played Darth Vader actually did voice the character until George Lucas decided he didn't like his voice and got James Earl Jones to voice it.
Howard played more clips of Garver's interviews and talked about how much it sucks that these people have to pay $100 to set up at these conventions. One guy sounded really nice and the poor guy had to pay to have people ask him for his autographs. Artie said he can't wait for the day when he's at an Entourage convention telling people which episode he was in.
Richard Christy was talking about going to those conventions and seeing all of those kinds of people. He shared some stories about what he's done. Howard took a call from a guy who said that the guy who plays C-3PO actually played the character and even voiced him. The guy was also asking Artie about when he's going to be on Entourage. Artie said that's coming up at the end of this month. He said he'll remind people about it when they get closer to the air date.
Howard said he's been asked to talk to people on the phone when he goes out and he always feels weird about that. Artie said he gets that all the time.
Captain Janks called in and said he owns all of the Star Trek episodes and knows all of the characters that they were talking to. Janks was talking about all of these characters but Howard hung up on him and said that he had to get out of that conversation.
Howard said that one of the saddest things he's seen was Jeff Conoway on Celebrity Fit Club. He said they had to boot him off of that show. Then recently he was on stage at some awards show on TVLand rambling on and on about nonsense. Howard played some of the audio from a show where they were interviewing Jeff and he was explaining why he seemed to be so out of it. The guys talked about that for a short time.
Howard was wondering about Elephant Boy's gay experiences but he told Howard that he's all man. Artie said that he's wearing a Mets shirt so that shows that he's actually a ''Faeg.'' Elephant boy said he doesn't have any desire to hook up with men anymore. He did try that out when he was younger because he was lonely for company.
Elephant Boy said he doesn't think that any other woman would want to spend time with him. Mary said that he also loves her kids so they get along very well. Elephant Boy was asked why he hasn't gotten married yet. He said there are things that are stopping him from making that move. Mary said that she still lives in Cleveland and Elephant Boy is still living out in the New York area. Elephant Boy said he can't leave his job because it's a government job that's great. Mary also said she can't really work because her arms are screwed up from carpel tunnel syndrome. She said she's working on getting workman's comp for that.
Howard asked the two of them if they're going to have sex. She said they haven't done that in a while because of her back. Howard said they could probably still do it though. Elephant Boy said he'd feel really bad if he hurt her. Howard told him she'd be fine. Howard asked about the phone sex they have but Elephant Boy said he didn't want to do that for them. Mary said they had some of that from back in the day when they were first dating.
Captain Janks called in and said that Elephant Boy was chased down by Mary's father when he was out in Cleveland one time. The father came looking for Fred but he ran out and hid until the rest of the Wack Pack came out to get him.
Howard brought up Elephant Boy shitting his pants when he went to an autograph signing that Gary was at. Mary was completely freaked out by that whole story. She said that drove her nuts. Artie told some of that story and said that Elephant Boy had shit himself on the subway and ended up wiping himself off on a tarp when he got to this appearance he was at. Then he stuck around for the whole day while Gary signed autographs. Howard said it must be tough to blow a guy who has had shit pants like that.
Gary came in and said that he was outside at that car dealer event. He said that it's hard to smell shit like that when you're outside. Gary kept bringing it up with him and one of the interns that was there told him that she thought Elephant Boy had shit himself. Gary said he started to dry heave just thinking about it. At one point Gary went inside the car dealership and asked for soap because there was none in the bathroom. He shook Elephant Boy's hand that day and hadn't realized that he had shit his pants at the time.
Howard said he remembered the story and how Elephant Boy was wearing shorts and the shit had run down his leg. Gary said that's the clue that he got that he had actually shit his pants. It's also what gave him the dry heaves. The guys were all grossed out by that whole story. Artie said that he wouldn't have stayed on the subway if he had shit his pants. He would have jumped from the train.
Howard asked Elephant Boy what he was thinking with that whole visit. Elephant Boy said he just wanted to go say hi to Gary. Gary said that he makes a big deal out of Elephant Boy's visits so maybe he just needed an ego boost that day.
Howard asked Elephant Boy if he tried to clean his asshole that day before he got there. Elephant Boy said he tried to clean up but some of the shit got on him and he wasn't able to clean it all up. He took off his pants in the bathroom and tried to clean up but things were a big mess. Howard went through all of the details trying to figure out what he had done. Elephant Boy said he threw out his underwear but tried to clean up his shorts that were shit stained as well.
Howard asked Elephant Boy and Mary what kind of crazy things they've done. Mary said that they've gone to Scores and a sex club in the city called Paddles. Howard asked them what they're doing at a sex club like that. Mary said that they were just watching.
Howard heard that Mary had grabbed Nick Manning's dick out in the green room. She said Nick said it was okay so she went right ahead and did it. She apparently didn't have any carpel tunnel problems when she did that according to Artie. She said she really does have Carpel Tunnel though. Howard told Elephant Boy and Mary to stick around while Nick Manning sat in.
Nick said things happened really fast for him and it all snowballed into what it's become now. Howard asked him how he was able to get into it and make a living at it while others can't. Nick said he's got a lot of stuff going on in his life like owning the Adam and Eve stores.
Howard said that Nick just recently banged this porn chick Kimberly Kane so he introduced him to JD who had also banged her. JD came in and said that he had just banged her a couple of times. Howard was comparing the two guys physically and goofing on JD a little bit. He asked JD if he ever asks himself how he can compete with this guy. JD said he can't compete so he doesn't think about it.
Howard asked Nick about all of the chicks he's been with like Janine, Kimberly Kane and Jenna Jameson. He asked her which one was the best. Nick said that Janine was very special to him because she had never done a man on film before. He said he makes some really good money in the business now and it's great. He said it's kind of funny that he wakes up in the morning and doesn't look forward to going to work banging chicks. His partner tells him that there are guys who are willing to drive thousands of miles to bang those chicks for free and he's getting paid to do it.
Howard asked Nick if he shaves off his bush. He said he does shave it all down with a Mach 3 razor but he's very careful when he does it. He said he's got a normal porn cock that's about 8 inches long. Elephant Boy got a laugh out of that when he said that was the normal size for a porn star. Nick went on to talk about how much he loves women and how they're the hottest thing God gave us.
Howard explained how they came to know Nick on the show. He said Nick is known for this ''dropping loads'' thing he does when he's finishing on a chick. He played a couple of clips of Nick saying ''dropping loads'' as he's dropping his loads. Howard played one clips where Nick drops a load on Evangelina's glasses and talks about exactly what he's doing. Richard Christy said he loves his movies even though he's not a fan of cock. Howard played another clip where Nick is talking about this chick's ''wet cunt'' and telling her how good it feels. He then tells her that he's going to come in her face and then does his ''dropping loads'' line.
Howard asked Elephant Boy if he was getting turned on. He said something about Mary saying the same things to him or something like that. Nick said that when he goes to a movie set these days he gets cheers from the crew. They're usually very jaded since they see that stuff every day.
Howard gave Nick some plugs for his web sites NickManning.com and PlatinumBlueProductions.com. Richard Christy was also asking him about the ''ropes'' he shoots and if he uses anything special for that. Nick said he does use some stuff but he's been shooting loads like that all his life without taking anything.
Nick told another story about a chick he was banging anally one time and she ended up shitting on him. He said he started dry heaving at the time. He filled Howard in on that and explained what he had to go through with that. Elephant Boy said he will always be known for shitting his own pants even if he lives to the age of 100. Robin said that's right, of course he would.
Nick told Howard that he's got a couple of books coming out that will talk about some of the chicks he's banged. He said there are some that he can't talk about because they're married. Howard took some phone calls after that and one guy asked him what the secret is to lasting a long time. Nick said that when he goes to have sex he knows it's going to last 2 hours. He's kind of programmed to last that long now. He said if it gets to be too long in his personal life, he just won't come, he doesn't care.
Howard said he had Jessica Jaymes on the phone. Nick said that she's his baby and they've dated before. Jessica said that they have great sex off the air all the time. Doug Goodstein came in and asked Elephant Boy and Mary if they would ride the Sybian together. They also had a squirt gun filled with mayonnaise if maybe Nick wanted to drop some loads on people. No one was interested in that stuff though.
Howard played another scene where Nick is dropping his loads on a woman. Nick wasn't sure who the chick was in that one. Robin asked Nick how long he can do this in the business. Nick said he's still going strong at 39 years old. Artie told him that he's 39 too and laughed as he was saying that. He looks nothing like this guy.
Gary said that Nick was actually on the show one other time when he called in and asked Tabitha Stevens to marry him. Nick said that Tabitha was kind of jealous about him banging Jenna Jameson so things didn't work out. They're still pretty close though.
Howard took a call from the guy who calls him Pinnochio. He asked Howard what was longer, his nose or Nick's penis. Howard let him go and then asked Nick to say something to Robin for them. Nick gave her a dropping loads line for her and said he'd love to have some fun with her. Howard spent a little more time talking to Nick before wrapping up with him, Elephant Boy and Mary. Elephant Boy said he'll be dropping some loads on Mary later today. Nick said that they should all be dropping loads on Mary. Nick wondered if Elephant Boy got his name from being well hung. Elephant Boy said he is okay down there. He did porn movie one time so he explained that to Howard who remembered that he was dressed up in heels and stuff when he was with this dominatrix. Howard wrapped up, gave Nick some plugs and went to break.
Howard said that he went over to France with his agent when they were promoting the movie one time. He said that his agent told him he was going to take care of ordering because they hate it when you order in English. Don then proceeded to order by doing a French accent instead of speaking French. The guys thought that was kind of funny. Howard quickly got back to the Jennifer Lopez audio clips and goofed on her a little more about laughing at herself.
Howard mentioned that Cylaris weight loss is sponsoring the Battle of the Blobs contest. He talked about how Benjy is taking it and has lost 40 pounds so far. Benjy still thinks that he's going to win the whole contest thanks to that stuff.
Howard played a little bit of an Imus song parody to the tune of Jitterbug. Robin was surprised they didn't throw in ''Jigaboo'' in that parody. Howard replayed the Manson (from Bubba's show) song parody that he had already played two times this morning. Howard talked about what a jackass Imus is and told him to rot in hell.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview and said they'll be talking about Nick Manning's visit and his dropping loads line to Robin. They'll also be talking about Elephant Boy's visit and that led to Howard talking about how they're thinking of animating the shit story for Howard TV. He ran through some other Howard TV shows that are in development at this time as well. Jon finished up his show preview and Howard had Robin start her news after that.
Robin read a story about Sanjaya getting booed at a baseball game he was making an appearance at. That led to them talking about Sanjaya and how bad they feel for him getting booed. Artie still hasn't joined in on the voting at this point. He said he might be on Beth's side in all of that because the kid is already getting booed at games.
Howard took a call from a guy who found an old rap song where Jackie the Joke Man's laugh was sampled. He had to boot up his computer to play the song for Howard and once they heard it, they weren't so thrilled that they had to wait as long as they did to hear the song.
Robin ran through a few more news stories and Howard ended the show at around 10:40am.
Howard started off the show talking about how he voted for Sanjaya last night. He was feeling kind of run down so he almost didn't vote. Then he thought that he had to so he did call in. He only got through about 15 times in 15 minutes though because it was tough to get through. Robin said she waits about a half hour before calling and managed to get through only about 5 times in 5 minutes.
Howard said he thinks that he'll win and he loves that Simon Cowell won't mention his name when he's getting upset that he's still in it. Howard played Sanjaya's awful performance from last night where he was singing ''Something to Talk About.'' Artie laughed as soon as he heard him singing. Robin said that their boy is off his game in that clip.
Howard said Simon Cowell sounded very upset and told Sanjaya that it was an ''utterly horrendous'' performance. Ryan Seacrest asked him if it was really the performance or his dislike for Sanjaya. Simon then said that they're supposed to be finding an American Idol and that song was an awful performance. He said he liked Sanjaya last week so he's just talking about this one song.
Howard said that one of the contestants on the show wanted to make a comment about the shootings in Virginia. They went to the camera shot of Simon and he was rolling his eyes at the time. He said he got a lot of e-mail from some fans who were upset by that but they also pointed out that the producers must have said something to him because they had him saying some nice words about it by the end of the show. Howard played an audio clip of Simon talking about the shootings. He said just a little something that wasn't even that great of a comment, it was just something to smooth over his eye roll.
Howard read some articles about the kid and continued to talk about the professor's warnings about the shooter. They were afraid to say anything negative to the kid in class because of how unstable he seemed. Howard said the guy would sit in the back of class and just write weird stuff in his papers. Howard said Fred might be kind of like that with his bag of stuff.
Fred said he read some of that guy's papers on AOL yesterday and it just proved that he was a shitty writer. Howard read through some more articles about Cho Seung-Hui where other students talked about how odd the guy was. Cho apparently stalked women at the school and would tell his room mates about going to see some of the girls to look them in the eye. He went to look at one in the eye and saw promiscuity when he looked into her eyes.
Howard read that the guy had a pretend supermodel girlfriend and other girls would shy away from him. His roommates told stories about how strange he was and some of the odd things he'd do. Howard said he had a roommate who he found jumping on the bed going ''Wheeee'' while wearing women's panties. He said he didn't want to stay in the room with that guy.
Artie said he did a gig one time and this guy he was roomed up with would bathe his feet in hot tea. He said the guy put his feet right into it after taking off his socks so there was still lint on his feet. He said that was pretty odd.
Howard read more about this guy and was calling him Hong Kong Fooey since he didn't want to bother with the real name. The kid was known was ''?'' in school when he renamed himself. He would also tell the other students that he had this model girlfriend who was apparently made up. Howard said that the first girl was studying to be a veterinarian. He said that she was a very pretty girl. He said that the first guy he shot was a T.A. at the school. That led to Howard and Robin talking about the R.A.s they dealt with at their schools. Artie said that he knew a guy who had an R.A. who was a drug dealer. Howard said his R.A. knew what to do when people took too much acid because he had that experience.
Howard got back to the Hong Kong Fooey stories and read more comments from the teachers and students. One student said they were just waiting for Cho to snap, it was like they knew he was going to do it some day. Howard said that kid really went off the deep end and you don't expect that from an Asian guy.
Artie said he was watching ''Flight 93'' last night and the movie just really pissed him off. He wasn't able to sleep because of it. Howard said he's never seen it and he has no desire to watch it. Howard got back to the articles and read more about the plays that this kid would write. Howard said they might have to produce one of his plays, maybe ''Mr. Brownstone'' starring Eric the Midget. Mr. Brownstone is one of Cho's plays that they were reading about.
Fred suggested that they do ''Richard McBeef'' because Mr. Brownstone is no good. Fred said that Richard McBeef has a story. He told the guys what he knew about the play since he had just read it yesterday. Howard said they can't forget the victims either. He was reading about the students and it was really sad to read about them. He talked about one girl who was doing international studies and was a violinist. Robin said it seems like these people who have nothing to contribute to society are always taking out people who have a lot to contribute.
Howard said he saw one expert saying that they have to instruct kids to charge the guy because they're probably going to die anyway. Robin said that's like the people in 9/11 because they thought if they cooperated, maybe they'd land and they'd get out of there. You never know what's going to happen.
Howard read about another student, Matt Laporte, who was into the military and did very well in school before going to VA Tech. The guy was a cellist and in the school marching band and now he's dead. Robin told Artie about one story from Russia where a bunch of students were held hostage for days and no one knew what to think at the time.
Artie said that Nick Manning was a kind of odd guy and he wasn't quite sure what it was about him that creeped him out. Robin said there was something about him and she knew what Artie was talking about. Howard said that male models are kind of creepy.
Howard played one Nick Manning clip where he was talking about dropping loads on Artie's pancakes. Gary said that he has a swagger and an arrogance to him. He said the guy talks in the third person about himself and that was kind of weird. They threw in some more clips about dropping loads on Gary's teeth and on Eric the Midget's wheelchair and stuff like that as well.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he went out to see Robin race over the weekend. Howard started to wonder how these people have time to go to stuff like that. Artie said he loves how Howard is upset that people have time on their hands. The caller was from Arizona so he asked Artie when he's coming out there again. Artie said there's a great comedy club out there in Phoenix and the chicks there are smokin' hot. That led to the guys talking about how the chicks out there are all walking and hiking in the nice warm weather.
Howard said Beth was out on the town going to a movie premiere. He said she was wearing a dress where she was showing off her titties. She went to the movie with Ross Zaipen's wife Melissa and both of them had their tits on display. Howard said maybe he should walk around with a hold cut out where his cock is. He said that might get him arrested but he was trying to make a point. He wondered why guys don't show off their sacks for women. He said Sal does that Captain Sack thing and maybe more guys should do that. Artie told him to take a look at the Captain Sack thing again and he'll see why they shouldn't do it.
Artie said he watched David Letterman last night and saw that Dave guy from VoteForTheWorst.com doing his thing. He said Letterman seemed pretty entertained by the whole thing. Howard complained about the guys putting up the Nick Manning clips for him to play because he didn't like that they called them all ''Nick Manning Dropping Loads...'' He wanted them all to list the name of the person they were about for today's show. They can rename them later on if they want to make them easy to find in the system like Gary was trying to tell him. That led to Howard playing one of the new Baba Booey song parodies... Twice.
Howard said that Gary once had a picture of his whole family on the cover of a magazine one time. Gary said that was while they were doing promotion for ''Private Parts.'' Artie said the picture is kind of dorky and he might have put that one away if he were Gary. Howard said when you go into his office it's like a whole wall of ''Gary.'' Artie said Gary looks like a guy working for the Connecticut family that's in the rest of the picture.
Sal went into Gary's office and started goofing on him. Gary then told Howard that he's got a picture of himself and Beth that's about 90 inches tall in his own office. Howard just laughed and continued to goof on Gary about his pictures. Gary said Howard has a whole wall of himself so he doesn't understand why he's goofing on him. Howard said it's just funnier with him.
Howard said Gary has cameras set up in his house so he can spy on everything going on there. Gary said he was actually looking at it as they spoke. Robin started quoting Gary from the article and that led to the guys goofing on him even more. Gary stayed in his office and tried to defend himself over his office microphone. Fred was doing an impression of Gary and goofing on him. Howard was making fun of Gary using a special framing guy when he gets his stuff framed.
Artie said that his mother actually framed a TV Guide crossword puzzle because he was one of the answers in it. He wanted to trash it because he was so embarrassed by it. Robin read some more stuff about Gary in the article and goofed on him about being a Steely Dan fan. Gary said he was going to come into the studio to defend himself. He explained why he was talking about Steely Dan and Bruce Springsteen in the article. Artie was goofing on Gary about the albums he picked because he picked one of the worst Springsteen albums.
Gary mentioned that he has an iPod and listens to it in his car sometimes and then realized that the people there at SIRIUS hate when they say that. Artie said he knows that to be a fact because he's heard shit about it when he mentions his iPod. Howard said that's kind of putting your head in the sand. It's not like people won't know that the iPod exists if they don't mention it there.
Howard said they actually gave him an iPod there so he could listen to shit when he's not there. He laughed as he was telling that story. Robin got them back on Gary when she read some more of Gary's quotes. She was doing her impression of Gary as she was quoting him. Howard was going to try and wrap up the discussion but Robin said there was more. She said they had him give his favorite 5 DVDs so Gary mentioned a few and that led to Gary talking about how he demonstrates his surround sound when people come over.
Artie asked Gary to play the first 20 minutes of ''Saving Private Ryan'' for him when he comes over to see the new house. Gary said that yesterday they were talking on the Wrap Up Show about how all of the guys crowd around Will throwing him lines to pass to Howard while he's in the studio. Howard said he hadn't gotten any lines yet. Robin continued to read the article where Gary talked about the DVDs. Howard said it would take him like 25 years to figure out all of that stuff.
Sal came into the studio dressed as Gary in Sound and Vision magazine. Gary said he couldn't even beat him up over that today. Sal said that he heard that Gary is having a party that he's not invited to. Gary said he's having a small dinner party and it's not that many people. Sal said that he knows the ''fab five'' are going to be there and Jon Hein was invited but can't make it. Gary said he's going to have another party later on and those guys will be invited to that.
Howard said that Benjy did something very funny yesterday. He was walking down the street and there was an CNBC camera crew doing something and Benjy jumped on camera and started yelling stuff about Sanjaya. He said he's only got the audio to play but the video was very entertaining. He played the audio where Benjy grabbed the mic while a woman was doing a report from the street. Benjy was yelling about voting for Sanjaya and when they started to pull him away, he said that he was an American and he was going to vote Sanjaya if he wanted. They cut away from the video and went to another reporter.
Howard got back to Sal and talked to him about the way things are going with his marriage. Sal said she went out last night with her friends to a club that they like to hang out at. He said he hasn't had any sex since he broke his arm and now he's dreaming of having sex with her. He said he usually has dreams about banging his sister and things like that and that's what he told her. The guys all laughed at that and told him he insane. Sal said that his wife's sister is hot too. Robin was laughing hysterically as Sal was trying not to get into that too far. He didn't want to give the details of those dreams.
Sal said Christine's wife has red hair and one time Christine came home with red hair after getting it dyed and he wanted to bang her right away. Sal said that he thinks that all guys have dreams like that and he's only human. He can't help who he dreams about. He said even his mother-in-law has been in his dreams.
Howard said the Howard TV guys had the video of Benjy on CNBC so they played that for everyone there in the studio. The guys got a few laughs out of that.
Howard took some calls from some people who were talking about the Sanjaya voting. The Sim called in and told Howard they were voting like mad on some web site (RockysRubberRoom.com). He also brought up the shootings at VA Tech and how one of the guys who died was a holocaust survivor. The guys talked about that and Artie pointed out that it would have been nice if he had been able to pronounce ''holocaust'' the right way.
Sal told the guys that one time Tawny Kitaen said ''Auschwitz'' the wrong way on some reality show she was on. JD came in about a minute later and told Howard he had it up on his computer already. Howard said JD works fast. He payed the clip quickly and then moved on to other things.
Howard played a voice mail from Richard's father where he was telling him that they had found some asparagus growing wild so they had some good food to eat. Howard said he loves that he's excited about finding something that he could buy in the store around the corner. Howard said he had to go to break a short time later but Richard came in and said that Artie left him a message so Howard might want to play that. In the clip Artie was doing an impression of Richard's dad and it was a pretty good impression. Artie said he's been working on it because he thinks the guy is the most relaxed guy around. Artie's impression was great and he was joking around about the snapping turtles they had, Snappy and Crappy. Robin thought it was a great call but they all said that Richard's father wouldn't curse in his calls. Artie said he was a little drunk at the time so he called back and left another message trying not to curse. Howard was going to play that one but he had to take a break first.
Howard played the other voice mail that Artie left as Richard's dad. He sounds a lot like Richard's dad in the voice mail. He was giving Richard advice on how to care for his teeth by not using toothpaste. He suggested some water or Windex instead of toothpaste because toothpaste causes scurvy. Howard played Mr. Christy's voice mail and Artie said he could have done that impression for 24 hours straight that day he was leaving the messages.
Howard mentioned that they have this porn star Jennifer Steel coming in and she's got a ''pussy Hookah'' that they're going to let someone smoke out of. They can't have weed in there but they'll use some tobacco to let someone smoke up out of that pussy hookah.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Howard thinks Imus will get a book deal out of all of this controversy. Howard said that Imus is not an original and he can't imagine he'd have anything to write about. He talked about what Imus was up to when he got to WNBC and how he tried to do everything he did but failed at it. He said Imus has imitated everything he's ever done in his career but if he put out a book it would be just as shitty as the rest of the stuff he's done.
The caller also brought up Imus' wife Deirdre (or De-air-a-der) and cracked a joke about her that kind of flopped. Howard let the guy go after that. He went on to talk about JD and how funny he is on the Wrap Up Show when he's on. He had a clip from the show where JD was attempting to talk about his relationship with Kimberly Kane but stumbled over his words and gave up on trying to explain it.
Howard said if he didn't have a girlfriend he'd probably ask this porn star chick to give him a hand job. He said he's all pent up and bothered. He said he'd love to get a hand job so he could just get on with the show. He said he would let someone do that under his desk so no one would see it going on.
Jessica said that the new implants are the most beautiful that she's ever seen. She said they came out great and she used this guy Dr. Hoffman who does a lot of Playmate implants. She said they're so soft and fluffy and so pretty. She said they're very feminine. Artie said that's how he likes them, feminine.
Howard told Artie he should have taken Jessica up on her offer to give him a hand job. Howard said he never did but he did think about it although he did think that she might be a little crazy. Jessica said that she loves to do stuff for guys and when she does it, she does it the best she can.
Artie said that he thought for sure that Howard had banged Jessica and was bullshitting everyone about never cheating. Both Howard and Jessica said that wasn't true. They never did anything. Artie wondered if anyone else on the show had done anything with her. Howard said that Jessica had told him how she could jerk him off with her feet so she demonstrated on Ralph one time. He said she was doing it over his pants and it was unbelievable. Ralph was moaning while that was going on. There were actually a couple of people in the car at the time.
Fred said that if he had been single he would have jumped into that. Jessica said she was really into Fred too and she would have loved to have had him. Howard let Jessica go a short time later. She said she has a list of people they could roast but they didn't have to do it today. Artie asked if they have another roast set up yet. Howard said they're going to be roasting Andy Dick next. Artie thought that was great, he can't wait for that.
Howard said they have a new theme song for Robin's news so he played that. It was about Robin's boobs of course. Howard thought it was very well produced too. He asked Robin if she could get a guy off with her feet. Robin said she never got her technique down for that.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. She said they'll be talking about Sanjaya and how he's in last place according to Dial Idol. They track the calls and let people know how well they're doing. Howard said she's got to be kidding. He took a call from a guy who said he got through 418 times last night. He said he called for 2 hours and got in all of those votes.
Lisa also said that Shuli has found out that Bob Levy is jealous of Sal for getting so much attention after falling off the stage and breaking his arm. They'll talk about that and about how some of the interns there are breaking up with people now that they have jobs there at the show. Artie said that one of the hot interns came up and asked him if he would offer up a date with him as a prize in the intern beauty pageant. Artie said she was smokin hot too. Artie said he's not sure he could ever see a chick who is that young. He said he got creeped out by that Shannon James chick when he heard her moving into her dorm room when he called her last summer.
Howard had Jenny the Intern come in to talk a