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Howard started off the show talking about how he was sick with his season change cold that he gets every year. He said he was going to call in sick but he was afraid the fans would start calling in and complaining. He said he started to get the scratchy throat on Friday night and then woke up on Saturday morning with the cold. He said he knows it's going to last about 2 weeks like it does every year.
Artie said if he just took a day off to rest he might get better sooner. Robin told him he rested all weekend. Artie was just trying to get another day off. Howard said he doesn't mind being sick as long as he can talk. He said he feels like he can't give it his best when he's sick so that's why he's so upset.
Howard changed subjects and said that Sal had a major incident over the weekend. He ended up hurting himself and he's been in the hospital for the whole weekend. Artie said that it must have been the Baba Booey angels that took care of him because he was doing his Baba Booey mask thing when the accident happened.
Artie said that Sal wanted to do his Baba Booey Dance on stage at this comedy show he was at. He said he did like 40 minutes and then had Sal come out and do the dance. The song came on, Sal dance around with his Baba Booey mask on. The stage was about 7 feet high off the arena floor there. It was all dark there so Sal was going back and forth and got nuttier and nuttier. Then Gary walked out and toward Sal and Sal fell off the stage into this abyss of blackness. Artie said he saw Sal writhing around in pain on the floor. He said he was glad he was moving at all. It turns out Sal broke his wrist really bad and also hurt his ribs.
Howard said they had some video (YouTube.com) to show in the studio. He had them play that and then Gary came in and said that Sal wanted him to come out and rip the mask off his face while he was dancing. That's what he was doing at the time when he fell. Artie said that the crowd went nuts with that whole thing.
Howard said that Sal is really fucked up bad. His wrist is broken really bad and they had to put a metal plate in there. He said it looks like Sal and his wife have this really bad relationship and it turns out Sal was staying down in Florida trying to get more rest because he can get more down there than at home. She actually told him to stay there thinking that he was sick with a virus when it turns out it was actually the medication he was taking for the pain.
Gary said that those guys live in another world down there. He said that stuff is way too wacky for him. He said the guys and their wives are out at strip clubs and the wives are kissing and stuff. He gave Howard an example and said it would be like his wife making out with Beth and Fred's wife getting in on it as well.
Robin said she heard that Brent's wife went over to some women and asked if they wanted to get involved in a threesome or something. Gary said they call that ''the mixin'' on Bubba's show. Robin told some other stories about Bubba's wife telling another woman that when she was giving her husband a blow job later that night, she hoped it would be great. That freaked out the other woman and apparently ruined the whole night.
Artie said that Bubba and his guys live in some nice homes down there too. Howard said he heard about Bubba's house that's worth a couple of million according to Ronnie the Limo Driver. He said they're living like kings down there and he's not sure why the places are cheaper down there. Howard tried to figure out why it costs so much more up in the New York area. Gary said there's a radio guy they know, Jay, who told him to bring people up from North Carolina to build a house instead of having local guys build it.
Howard said that Howard TV has a lot of footage from down in Florida and they'll turn that into a show. Artie talked about one thing that Bubba was doing down where they threw shit into a fan. He also said that they had 3 19 year olds on the show when he was on with them on Thursday. One of the girls was just about blind drunk and they were trying to hook him up with one of the girls.
Gary said that Richard threw out an idea to Bubba that he loved. IT was really out there though. He explained that Richard told him that they should jerk off a horse and collect the load in a bucket and throw that into a fan. He was also suggesting that they have guys stick their dicks in fire ants and stuff.
Howard said that Gary was down in Florida and this hot chick was running around the pool. It turns out it was the same hot chick that was at Artie's comedy show recently. Gary said he was staring at her ass because it was like a work of art and her fiancé caught him looking. He had to laugh and explained that he couldn't help it.
Artie said that he hired that chick to come out to hand out at this signing he was doing down there. He said the guy is a very nice guy and he would never try to make the move on the chick. Howard said the Howard TV guys had some video of her so he had them play that. Howard said she really is hot when he saw her. Gary said that the guys were so angry at how hot she was until she came over and said hello to them.
Artie said that the whole thing with the hot chick was weird. He said they did end up selling a shit load of his DVDs down there. The Howard TV guys were showing some video of the woman selling the stuff at the arena they were at for the comedy show. Artie said that the girl is really sweet and so was her friend. He said the friend was hot but standing next to this girl, she didn't look quite as hot. He said it must be tough for a broad to hang out with the hot chick.
Artie said he was trying to hook up with Akira down there in Florida. Howard explained that he saw Rev. Bob Levy eating out Akira's asshole. The Howard TV guys played some video of that as well. Howard wondered what Bob gets out of doing something like that. Gary said maybe he thinks that it's the beginning of getting something started. Howard said he heard that Bob was chasing after her like a dog in heat. Richard said Bob was looking at her like she was a piece of meat and he was a starving dog. Richard said she's up for just about anything too so Bubba picked the right girl for his show.
Artie said that Bob was doing that stuff on the bus and some people would say that she would fuck anyone if they just asked. Others would say that Spice Boy and her have something going on. He said that they went out on Saturday night with Bubba on his 60 foot boat. That led to the guys talking about how Ronnie the Limo Driver has a new personality that he calls Ronald. He's changed since Robin called him an assholes. Richard said that Ronnie returned when they went out to a strip club and he started drinking again.
Artie said they went out on this boat with Bubba and Akira was on there wearing just about nothing. The guys who know her just pull her top off and show off her tits. She may has well have not worn anything. He said that she gave him her number and called her back that night but wasn't able to get in touch with her. He said he keeps hearing different stories about her and Spice Boy so he's not sure he needs that drama. He didn't end up hooking up with any of the girls on Bubba's show.
Gary said Bubba was asking him about why Artie isn't into that stuff. Howard said that maybe the girls aren't into it either. Ronnie came in so Howard asked him about the 'Ronald' thing. Ronnie said he was just joking around with that down there. Artie said there was one point when Ronnie grabbed some chick to take her on stage and she ended up hitting her knee on the chair. Ronnie said that he was just having some fun and that's what the woman wanted to do.
Ronnie said that Richard is an asshole too. He said when they were at the strip club the deejay there knew him so he asked him if he wanted to do his thing on the microphone. Richard said that the people there didn't know who Ronnie was so they were all looking at him like he was an asshole. Ronnie gave Richard a couple of ''fuck yous'' for talking about that stuff.
Howard cut off Ronnie and said he had heard enough. Artie brought up Sal again. Howard said that he's lucky to be alive from what he's heard. Shuli said that Joey Boots was down there and he got some video of the fans rushing up to see if Sal was dead or not. Then he said that he went out to talk to Gary outside and the fans were walking by and doing their Elliot Offen impressions.
Howard took a call from a guy who examined Sal right after the fall. Gary said that this guy Neil is Rappin Granny's manager and he was back stage earlier in the evening. They had ripped his toupee off and was stomping on it. The guy was being treated like crap but then he was helping him out when he fell and broke his wrist. Artie said that Neil is a good guy and he doesn't think that he should wear a toupee. He said it would look more natural if he didn't wear one. They had the wig on Shuli at one point and he looked pretty good.
Howard said Neil's head looks weird. Neil said that it's actually glue that he was seeing. Richard said he could actually see the nylon mesh in the wig so that's when he wondered what was up with that. Neil said that Sal was actually signing autographs as he was leaving the event with the broken wrist. Howard let Neil go a short time later.
Bobo had also mentioned the Sal and his wife show where she was shooting him in the ass with paintballs. Howard said that Sal and his wife were on the Wrap Up Show talking about their relationship. He played a clip from the show where Sal and his wife were discussing the song parodies he sings about her. In another clip Sal's wife asks Sal if he believes what he says when he's on that show. Howard heard that and said that Sal sounds retarded in those clips. Shuli said that Sal thinks that he can sell his comments to anyone and he just keeps going.
In another clip Gary asks Sal about only being happy when they're apart. Sal then goes into one of his classic explanations and talks about how they're stuck with themselves forever. The guys goofed on him about that a little bit. Then Gary told a story about Sal talking about this one time he sang a karaoke song at a family reunion which had the word 'cunt' in it. The guys talked about some of his other crazy behavior down in Florida and around the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him why he's not suing all of the game shows out there who are ripping him off. Howard said that the ''Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader'' show is one that really burns his ass. He said they've done that show for many years and over the weekend he went out to eat with some family and they were asking him some questions from that show. He said he may just have to sue over it because he's got it on tape showing that they've been doing it for many years.
Howard said he doesn't even want the money, he just wants the recognition for creating these shows. The people who claim to have created it give him no credit at all. Robin said there's another show coming out where a virgin will get to fuck a porn star. That show hasn't been picked up at this point but it is getting shopped around according to Robin. The caller said something about Robin's big black titties as he was getting off the line but Robin didn't seem too thrilled about that.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who said his wife loves Sal after he fell off that stage down in Florida. Howard said that he's really lucky he didn't break his back when he fell. Howard said Sal might have to take that fall at every show from now on because it was such a hit. Robin wondered if this is going to lead to him getting addicted to pain killers.
John Boy called in and told Howard that Sal might be trying to get a raise by going through all of this stuff. He got shot with paintballs on Thursday and then went and fell off the stage breaking his wrist just two days later.
The caller said that Shuli bombed on stage down there in Lakeland. He said he got booed off stage. Shuli said that Gary was his warm-up and the crowd turned on him. Howard had some tape of Gary doing his opening act. In the clip Gary introduces the guys and jokes about each one of them. He was joking about Sal's make-up when the crowd turned on him and started to boo him. Gary goes on and jokes about Richard and Shuli but the crowd continued to boo him after each joke.
Howard said he kind of liked Gary's jokes. He continued to play the audio and the crowd booed every single joke he told. Gary then introduced Brent and Bubba who just went up and said hi instead of trying to do comedy. Artie said he liked that Gary tried to give it a try with some jokes. Shuli said that you can't pause during the show with a crowd like that. Gary said that Artie seemed to be upset with him when he went back stage. Artie was asking him why he had used one of the jokes because it was so old.
Gary said that doing that comedy stuff is a horrible way of making a living. Artie said it really is horrible. They shared a couple of stories about being back stage and worrying about getting on stage and then getting booed when they finally do get up there. Artie was also saying that they didn't have the show set up the right way so he had hardly any down time while he was there in Florida.
Gary said that they had everyone riding a bus to the comedy show. He said that he wouldn't have thought any different of Artie if he had taken a separate car. The Howard TV guys had some video from the bus and it looked like mayhem.
Gary said there was moment during the comedy show where Artie got pissed at a comment from an audience member who called Dana a whore. Artie threatened to shove a glass in the guy's head and he said he wouldn't mind spending a year in jail for doing that. Then Artie said that no one calls Dana a whore... except for him.
Howard asked the guys if they got to see Bubba's wife's boobs down there. They did get a quick glimpse of them. Artie said that her tits are great too. He was telling Howard about Akira and how great she looked with the bikini top on. She never takes off her top herself, the other guys from Bubba's show just rip it down. Robin said she heard that Heather got upset when Howard said that Angie Everhart was hotter than her. Howard said that she's a supermodel though.
The guys spent a few minutes talking about some of the other crazy stuff that went on down there on Bubba's show and stuff like that. Doug Goodstein came in to explain what was going on with this Akira and Hamil on Bubba's show.
Gary said that there was one moment on the bus where Bob and Hamil were going to kiss Akira but when Akira pulled away Bob and Hamil kissed. The Howard TV guys had video of that but Bob didn't look like he was as into it as Gary made him out to be. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said he was playing chess and watching TV over the weekend. He said that he caught up on the episodes of ''Lost'' that he had been missing. He said it was a huge waste of time because they answer nothing on the show. He said that the one person who should be on the island is Sanjaya.
Howard had this woman Deborah Morisini on the phone. She's Dana Reeve's sister. Howard explained who she is and how great Dana was. He said it's such an irony that she died of cancer after Chris died. Deborah said that their son is doing very well and living with family and friends. She said he's got a great sense of humor and he's dealt with all of that stuff very well.
Howard said he can't imagine losing both of his parents the way he did. His parents were so great so it must have made it tougher for him. The kid is only 14 years old but Deborah said that he's very tall like Chris was. She said it's really not fair that he lost his parents. Deborah said it's a huge tribute to them that he's turned out so well. Howard figured the kid would be angry after all of this stuff but Deborah said that he seems to be fine.
Howard asked Deborah what they did with Dana and Chris' belongings after they passed. She said that the stuff stays in the family. The two sisters kept Dana's clothing and they still share that stuff. Howard asked if they found anything kinky. She wouldn't say so Howard talked about how paranoid he is that someone might find the stuff he has. He said he has some pictures and stuff that he wouldn't want his family to see. Deborah said that he might want to have someone special lined up to go through that stuff for him. Someone neutral instead of a family member.
Deborah said that she wouldn't tell Howard if she found anything kinky. She changed the subject and talked about how big of a fan Dana was and how much fun she had on the show when she did it. Howard asked her what they did with Chris' wheelchair. She said that they were thinking of giving it to the Smithsonian but they're apparently putting up a fuss over the whole thing.
Howard asked Deborah about her life. She said that she's married with kids and she's a pathologist. The guys weren't sure what that was so she explained it a little bit. She said that she went to the same college that Howard went to, Boston University. Howard wondered if she was hot. She said that all of the sisters are good looking.
Howard said that Deborah was calling in for something very important. She was promoting this ScreenForLungCancer.org web site. She explained to Howard that a lot of people are getting lung cancer and they're not even smokers. She said that if you catch the lung cancer early, you have a better chance of survival. She said they're looking for donations as well. Lung cancer is the biggest killer of cancers.
Robin asked how Dana found out that she had lung cancer. Deborah said that she had a mild cough and some shoulder pain so she went to get checked out and they found it. Howard said he always wanted Dana to date after Chris died. He hoped that she got to have sex with someone else before she died. Deborah said that Dana had a great private life and she hinted that she may have dated someone after that. Howard said he was going to read between the lines and figured that she had dated someone else. Deborah said she never said she did.
Howard gave Deborah another plug for the web site and then let her go a short time later. He and the guys continued to talk about Dana for a short time. Howard took a call from a guy who said that Robin was talking over Deborah the whole time. Howard thought Robin was good during the whole interview. Robin said she barely said anything during the interview.
Howard took some phone calls and one guy complained about Gary covering up his camera when he was getting yelled at. Lisa G said that they're going to be covering Beth's appearance on The View tomorrow. Howard said that Beth is very nervous about doing that show. He told Lisa not to tell Beth she's going to be there because it'll make her even more nervous. He's seen her on Good Morning America and she does very well on that show. He said that she's got a dress all picked out and she'll be looking really good. He said that she's not going to have her boobs hanging out or anything like that.
Howard said that his father and Beth were going over some topics when they were hanging out over the weekend. He said Beth is ready for anything they throw at her tomorrow. He said they were talking about everything from politics to how seals are killing off the salmon population. He said his father was suggesting that they kill off the seals to save the salmon population. Howard said his father would have been a great radio guy because he has such definite opinions like that. He said that Beth is very prepared for that show.
Beth called in and corrected Howard about the seals thing. She said it was sea lions, not seals. Beth also asked Lisa not to be at The View tomorrow because she didn't ask for that. She really doesn't want her there. Howard asked Beth some test questions and threw out a question about John Edwards. She said she won't get into politics with the girls on that show. She said she wants to talk about Anna Nicole Smith and stuff like that.
Howard asked Beth how Howard Stern is ruining American Idol. Beth is against the whole Sanjaya thing and she doesn't think it's right that they're campaigning for him to stay on. Howard also mentioned that Beth wants to see Bubba's wife's boobs. She told him to have Bubba forward them to her.
Artie said he didn't think they had talked enough about Bubba's house down in Florida. He went on to describe the nice gym he has and the pool and all of that stuff. He described the kitchen, the theater, the apartment he has upstairs. He said the theater has 8 TVs so you can watch any game that's on. He said the 4 year old kid has a go-cart that he drives and it's like a professional cart.
Beth said that John Lithgow will be on The View with her so she wondered if they had ever had him on the show. Howard thought they had but no one else remembered that. Howard interrupted and said that Eric the Midget was on the phone to discuss the Sanjaya thing. He told Beth that she should withhold sex from Howard until he stops this campaign. Beth isn't that upset about it.
Beth asked if they think Sanjaya knows that he's being made fun of. Eric said that he thinks that he does and mentioned some bit they did on Saturday Night Live about him but no one had seen that. Beth said she's more worried about Sanjaya as a person than the tour being ruined like Eric is. Howard said that Sanjaya is loved by young girls and they really like the guy so it's not just the show that's pushing for him to stay on the show.
Beth said that she was going to withhold sex from Howard but Howard told her that he'd hold out and just beat off if he had to. He said Beth really can't live without his sex though.
Howard said that she's going to be sitting in for Barbara Walters so Elisabeth will be there. She's worried about how that might go. Artie told her to just start off each reaction to her with ''Listen shit head...'' Beth sounded a little horrified by that. Howard said he thinks that she'll actually be fine on the show with Elisabeth. They said that Rosie has been cool to Howard lately as well. Artie said he may even watch the show tomorrow.
Beth said that she thinks she'll be doing a spring cleaning segment with Rosie at the end of the show. Howard said that Beth loves cleaning and she won't even let the cleaning lady clean sometimes. He said he loves an organized home himself so it works out very well.
Howard said Johnny Fratto had some advice for Beth. He got Johnny on the line and said that he's heard that Elisabeth doesn't like dogs and that's the way she has to look at her. If she thinks about her that way, it will loosen her up. Howard thanked him for that and then took a call from Bong Hit Eric who was trying to adopt this dog that Beth was trying to get adopted. Howard said she might be afraid that he's ''Bong Hit'' Eric. Beth said she will try to make it happen. She suggested that they have Howard 100 News and go over and check out his house.
Artie mentioned that he had a couple of puffs of some weed down there in Florida and it was pretty amazing stuff. Howard said that Beth missed out on that but got to hang out with him over the weekend while he played chess.
Howard said the guys had just sent him an audio clip of Elisabeth Hasslebeck calling him ''dangerous'' on The View. He played the clip, which was a couple of years old, where she says that Howard had said something about Katherine McPhee's weight when she was on American Idol. She thought that Howard should have sent her an apology for that. Howard told Beth she should tell Elisabeth that he makes her puke up her meals and weighs her in every morning. That led to Artie saying that he's afraid he's going to be over 300 pounds today when they do the weigh in. Howard said they should do that next. He had to pee so he figured he had to take a break before doing the weigh in.
Gary said that the explanation really was lame and they should have come up with something more believable. Howard read more of the article and talked about that a little more. Howard said that the guy's life is changed for the better and maybe he will just sue the guy's ass into the ground. Howard figures the guy would claim that he never heard his show at all and had never even heard of him.
Howard said that Jimmy Kimmel sent him a note saying it would be great if they put a camera on Eric the Midget while he watches American Idol. Howard said that would be a great idea. Robin agreed.
Howard went to Artie and said that he has actually gained 7 pounds so far in the contest. Artie got on the scale and weighed in at the same as he did last week, 293 pounds. He hasn't stopped eating over the past month. Jon Hein has been trying to lose weight but he's having a tough time. Jon said he'd like to win that money but he's not sure why he can't lose that weight. He said he's been cutting back on the fast food and still can't lose. He got on the scale and came in at 249 pounds which was only a 1 pound loss. Mike Gange got on the scale next and came in at 244 which was just a one pound loss. Benjy, the biggest loser so far, got up on the scale and came in at 237 which was a 3 pound loss. Benjy said he was trying to gain weight for the week so that's why he wasn't that much less.
Tim Sabean and his team were up next. Tim got on and came in at 258 which was a 1 pound gain. He didn't believe that it was correct so he took his shoes off and still hit 258. Howard told him he's a disaster. Jason said he didn't think he had lost much of anything. He weighed in and came in at 250 which was a zero loss. Brian Phelan got on the scale next and came in at 231 which was a 5 pound loss. Brian said he was running around doing stuff the whole weekend and wasn't eating much. Scott the Engineer was up next. He came in at 245 which was a 5 pound loss.
Here's the history of the weight loss challenge so far...
Howard had a voice mail message from Sal who explained why he wasn't going to make it in this morning. Sal said his ribs were killing him and he was going to be going to the doctor. He told Gary to give him a call if he needed anything.
Robin asked if Sal hit something when he fell. Artie said he didn't expect the fall and it was just straight down to the concrete floor. Howard said he really is lucky to be alive at this point. They showed the video in the studio again and showed him falling off stage.
Howard mentioned they had Randy Spelling and Sean Stewart, Rod Stewart's kid, there to talk about their new reality show. He said he was going to take a break first but ended up talking about those two and also about some of the other stuff he had coming up today. He brought up Savanna Samson and Artie said he thinks that she could be their ''Akira'' if they groomed her the right way. Howard said she probably could be like that because she doesn't seem to have a problem getting naked in front of everyone on the show. They spent a minute on that before Howard went to break.
Howard asked Randy if he's set for life with the money his father left for him. He said he still has to work so he's not really set for life. He said he doesn't know all that much about the money but they have to disperse it over time and it's not all left just to the kids. His mother is still alive so she gets most of the money. He said he did get some money but it's not all that much. He said he could live on it for a while but not live the way he wants.
Howard asked Randy if he thinks that Tori is blowing it by getting into a fight with her father when he was dying. Randy said he thinks that some of it was for entertainment and some dirty laundry ended up getting aired. He said that she wasn't cut out of the will though. He said there really wasn't a feud going on there but Tori did avoid seeing their father for a while.
Howard asked Randy about the house that his father built and how nice that is. It's 56,000 square feet. Randy said his father didn't fly so his mother wanted him to have everything he wanted there at the house. Randy told Howard about the first car he had which was a GMC Typhoon with a $14,000 sound system in it. Randy also told Howard that he got laid for the first time when he was only 15 years old. He said he used to wrestle with Shannon Dougherty when she'd come over to visit the house. He said he always wanted to bang her. Sean said that his brother actually did bang her and was engaged to her. His brother is Ashley Hamilton.
Howard said it must be great to be Aaron Spelling's son with a hot sister. Randy said that his sister would like getting naked when she'd get drunk so he did see her naked. He said it was like seeing his sister naked and didn't think much of it. Artie joked that he's seen his sister naked and he thought she was fuckin hot. Howard asked Randy if the first chick he banged was famous. He said she wasn't, she was just from his high school. Randy said he has had some famous chicks and one time he felt used by this girl.
Howard heard that Randy had banged Paris Hilton. He said that was true and he was told he was her first. He said she was only 14 or 15 at the time. Howard said that's quite an accomplishment to have had someone like that for the first time. Randy said that he dated her for about 2 or 3 moths back then. Howard asked Sean if he banged either Paris or Nikki Hilton. He said that he put his fingers in Paris a few times but never got to bang her. He said he was probably with her around the same time that Randy was. He said he was 15 or 16 at the time when he was fingering her.
Howard said that it sounds like fun to grow up the kid of a famous person. Artie said that they were lucky they got her before Rick Solomon got her. Randy told a story about going to Palm Springs one time when he was in high school. They stayed at this hotel and smoked some of the craziest pot he'd ever had. He said Paris was out there and stayed with him the whole weekend. She had run away from her grandparents house without telling them that she was leaving. She was only about 14 or 15 back then and they were all hung over and wasted. He said her grandmother showed up at the hotel looking for Paris. Paris ended up hopping out the window and down the golf course that was by the hotel.
Howard said that all sounds like a lot of fun. He never had any fun like that himself. Gary said that he was reading an article about Paris where she claims she's only had sex with two guys in her life. If that's true it would be Rick Solomon and Randy. Howard said it sounds like Randy must have done her pretty good for that couple of months he was with her.
Howard asked Randy about the other conquests he's had over the years. Randy said that he had some chicks who were famous at the time but aren't so famous now. Howard read that Randy has gone to the Playboy mansion and hung out. Randy said that he was 18 when he went there for the first time. Howard asked Randy more about the kind of money his father left him. He asked if he had 10 million. Randy said no to that. Howard wondered if the mother is holding the money back from them. Randy said he thinks they were trying to teach the kids the value of money and they're not just going to give them everything they want.
Howard asked Randy if he bought his own house. Randy said that he just bought his own condo on his own. He said he used the money he made working as an actor and producer. Howard gave the guys a plug for the show that they're on called ''Sons of Hollywood.''
Randy and Sean weren't friends as kids but Sean used to prank call Randy when they were kids. He said that Paris would actually instigate the whole thing and make him prank call him. Howard asked Sean what it's like being the son of Rod Stewart. Sean said he knows that his father was a rock star and he had to go out and provide for his family. He said he saw his father every couple of months when he'd come around. He said he used to resent him when he was a kid but not so much anymore.
Sean talked about how he crashed his car into another car when he was on ecstasy one time. He said he had some other drug problems when he was younger. He said he's been to many rehabs and he's actually been sober for 2 months now. Robin said that's hardly sober. Sean said he's struggled over the years trying to stay off the stuff. Artie told a story about doing MAD TV and how this 19 year old kid gave him some weed that was amazing stuff. He figures that the ecstasy that Sean took must have been the good stuff out there in California.
Howard asked Sean if he ever thinks not to drive a car when he's on drugs. Sean said that his parents went off on him but he said Rod was telling him that he can get wasted, just don't drive a car when you do it. He said that his dad has been married so many times that he actually forgot names and faces. He said he wishes that he would stop having kids too. He said he wishes that it was just him and Kim that he had. He said it would be nice if it was just them and their parents were still together.
Sean said that he used to stare at Rachel Hunter when she would sun bathe nude by the pool. Howard said that must have been great. Sean never tried to make a move on Rachel though. Artie said he'd like to know what kind of hot regular chicks these guys are banging. Howard asked Sean what he was into a couple of months ago that he had to go to rehab for. Sean said he was just drinking. He has been in some other rehabs though. He also mentioned that he had a couple of blow jobs in rehab and got kicked out a couple of times. Sean said some gay dude tried hitting on him and ended up grabbing his penis so he ended up getting into a fight so they kicked him out. Howard had to bleep off the name of the guy he had mentioned.
Howard continued talking about the guy who had touched him but didn't mention the name. Artie said it was the funniest thing he had ever heard in his life. He said he could say something that would blow the whole conversation if he said it. Artie said the story would ruin his mother if he told it.
Howard asked Sean how old he was when he lost his virginity. He said he was 16 and he was in boarding school at the time because he was so bad in school. He said he got in trouble for selling pot. Howard asked him if his father is cheap like he's heard. Sean said ''no comment'' to that question. Robin took that as a yes.
Howard asked the guys if they banged each other's sisters. Randy said no real quick but Sean didn't say no right away. He eventually said that he never did anything with her. Howard asked Sean about a fight he got into at a club and how Dean Cain had broken up the fight. Sean said that guy is a real queer and he thinks he was acting like Superman that night.
Howard played some audio of Sean's song ''In Crowd'' which is the theme song to this TV show they're in, ''Sons of Hollywood.'' Howard said he liked the song and Sean claims that his father sings it sometimes. Howard said that the woman who is with Rod Stewart now is probably trying to make a play to get all of the money for her own kid. Sean didn't have too much to say about that.
Howard read that Sean is dating this Kaylie Peters who is the daughter of producer John Peters. She was there with him so Howard had them bring her in. Kaylie came in so Howard could talk to her a little bit. Howard said she was cute. He asked her if she's got any hot friends that they would know. She said that she's kind of friends with the Schwarzenegger kids. Howard said she must know weird things about famous people, he likes that. Kaylie said that a lot of her friends are normal and not famous.
Gary asked Kaylie about how old she is. She's 18 and still in high school and Sean is 27 years old. Kaylie is on spring break this week so that's how she got out of school to come to New York. Sean said that they're actually engaged and she has a ring on her finger. Howard told her she might want to date a few more people before she gets hitched. She said that's up to her though. They've been dating on and off for the past 2 years. Robin asked if they really think they should be married if they can't keep it together for 2 years. Artie asked if it was hard for the kids to talk to Robin... because she's a black woman who doesn't work for them. No one was sure what Artie was talking about though. He said that Kaylie was looking at Robin as if she wanted her to go get her car for her.
Howard said that ''Sons of Hollywood'' premieres Sunday night on A&E at 10pm. They have two episodes premiering that night. Howard took a call from a guy who asked Sean if he ever saw Rachel taking a shit or anything like that. Sean didn't see anything like that. Artie said that's great when you don't see anything like that. Howard told them that's how to keep a relationship alive, don't shit in front of the other person. Kaylie said that Sean shits in front of her all the time. Sean said that's because he's comfortable with her.
Howard talked to the guys about how lucky they are that they're good looking. Sean said that if he was rich and fat like this one guy they know, he'd probably just shoot himself or go work at McDonalds.
Howard spent a little more time talking to Kaylie and found out that Pam Anderson had lived at her father's house for a while. She was saying that Pam Anderson and Katherine Zeta-Jones were dating him at the same time. Howard talked about that a little bit and then gave the guys another plug and took another call. Bong Hit Eric asked the guys who fucked them the best out of all of the famous chicks they had been with. Sean said it was Kaylie. Eric wanted a real answer out of them. Kaylie said that she made Sean wait for 2 years before she had sex with him. She's only 18 years old though so if she was only 16 at the time, he could get into some trouble. Sean said that he had sex on the side with other chicks during that time. Howard asked Randy if he could remember anyone good. Randy said no one famous came to mind. He prefers the regular chicks.
Howard took a call from a guy who reminded Howard about the time he called Rachel Hunter a fat cunt last year. Howard said he did have a problem with her but Sean agreed with him that she's not a nice person. Howard said he told her to her face that she was going to get voted off that Dancing with the Stars show. He wrapped up with the guys a short time later and went to break.
Howard said he had to get out of there because of his cold so he wanted to wrap things up. He had Steve Langford come in with his Howard 100 News preview. Steve said they'll be talking about the power of Howard pushing for Sanjaya to stay on American Idol. That led Howard to play some audio clips from some news reports where they brought up his name as being part of the reason that Sanjaya is still on the show. Howard played part of a clip from one report but he couldn't take the host's banter so he bailed out and moved on to a report from Extra. They gave credit to Howard and to the young girls who are interested in him. Howard played another clip from an Indian news program. As that was playing Artie was doing his Indian accent goofing on one of the reporters who sounded very similar to his Indian impression. Howard started doing his and said that he thinks his is just as good as that reporter's.
Steve got back to his report and said that they now have ISDN lines installed at everyone's homes so they can do a show even if they can't get into work. Artie said that he'll never use his. He said that he has his next to his bed. Howard said his is in a closet and he hopes he never has to do it from his house. Howard said he's only a mile from SIRIUS so if there ever is a disaster or something, it's going to affect him.
Steve said that Bill Keller is doing a show on Howard 101 tonight at 7. He's a TV evangelist and he'll be talking to the Stern fans and some Wack Packers. Jeff the Drunk, Siobhan and Misty the Prostitute are all going to be live in the studio with Bill. Howard and Artie talked as if they were Keller and Jeff for a few seconds. Howard said this should be a good show with all of those people on the show.
Steve wrapped up his report and then Jon Hein came in to give his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran through a couple of the things that went on during the show today that they'll be covering. Howard thanked him for that and was about to have Robin start her news. He had an article to read about the possible XM/SIRIUS merger from Forbes magazine. He quickly read through that and talked about how satellite radio is not a monopoly when you think about what it's actually competing against. He said that they're competing against iPods, terrestrial radio and more. He had Robin start her news a short time later.
Ralph called in and talked about a story that Robin had brought up. Howard argued with him about that a little bit but then he mentioned that Ralph called him last week to complain about his work schedule. He said Ralph wanted to go out to Los Angeles for a couple of weeks and do some shopping out there. He said he was thinking about this and Ralph hardly has to work at all but now he wants to take a vacation out in L.A. He told Ralph that he could do that during the two week vacations that he takes. He gets 10 weeks of vacation every year and Ralph could take his time off then. Ralph said that's not what he was going for there. He said he has important things to do out there and he can't sit around there for Howard's one day a week. Howard told him he should quit if that's the way he feels. He told Ralph that he's got to work just one day a week and if he can't be there, he should quit.
Artie said that Ralph is showing that he's really useless. Ralph said he doesn't want to have this argument on the air. Howard said he shouldn't have a serious conversation off the air because it's not his job to tell him if he can take vacation or not. He said that Ralph has taken a job and he should tell him what he wants to do. Ralph said he just wanted to get a reaction to his thoughts on this whole thing. He doesn't want to jeopardize his job. Howard told him to just be a man and do his job.
Howard told Ralph to go ahead and go out there. He finds it interesting that he puts him on the spot when he has so much time the rest of the year to go out there. Howard thinks he's looking for a paid vacation. Artie said it sounds like if Ralph has something important to do, it must be work related. Ralph said that it is work related and it has to do with Howard, but he wants more time out there.
Howard said he was laying in bed thinking about this shit and it's like he's putting him on the spot when he does this. He said Ralph knows it's wrong and he's just looking for his blessing on the whole thing. He said that he should do the same thing with Mel Karmazin and tell him he just wants 3 or 4 weeks away from the place. Ralph said that's apples and oranges.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that Ralph is probably jealous that Howard got engaged so that's why he must be doing this. Howard thanked him for that and said they had to get back to Robin's news. Artie said that he though Ralph was going to be working a different career out there. He didn't know he was going to be shopping for Howard out there. Artie thought that was pretty crazy for Ralph to ask for that much time out there. Howard said he's looking to get paid while he goes out and hangs out with Sam Simon out there. Artie aids he had to side with Howard on that.
Ralph said that he has some meetings he has to go to out there in L.A. Too. He is trying to get some other stuff going out there. Artie knew that's what he was talking about. He told Ralph that he should work around Howard's schedule though.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that he has to talk to Ralph about this because he's not supposed to be able to tell him when he's taking off. He's employed by him as well. He said that he has to play by the rules and not just take 3 weeks off like that. Doug told him that he's going to have a conversation with Howard about this and its' going to affect his job. He said it's like Ralph's World, Ralph's Rules. Doug said he's going to talk to H.R. over this but Ralph made a comment about his kid which freaked Doug out. Doug told him that if he ever makes a comment about his kid he's going to beat his ass and then threw down his headphones.
Howard said that he thinks something else is going on and Ralph may have touched a nerve. Gary said there is something going on between Doug and Ralph so there's some friction there. Ralph said he was unaware of that. Gary said that there's some discussion about how Ralph gets paid a lot to do very little. He said he wasn't the one saying that though.
Ralph said that he still needs that time out there and he was just trying to get Howard's feelings on it. Howard told Ralph about the 10 weeks a year he could be out there when they're on vacation. Ralph said he has to clear this stuff with Howard first. He wanted to do that and then he was going to go to Doug. Howard thinks that Ralph did the right thing and didn't do anything wrong. Ralph was going to talk to Doug about it after clearing it with Howard.
Robin said that Ralph gets special treatment that no one else gets. Fred said that Ralph does have a job just like everyone else does though. Ralph asked if Doug was okay because he was worried about him. He was laughing and saying that was Doug ''wielding his power.'' Gary said that Doug got really angry and almost attacked Isaac who was filming him out in the hall. That's how angry Doug was.
Howard let Ralphie Cakes go and had Robin get back to her news. He did a commercial during the show to help out his Cousin Richie. They talked about this Beeceuticals stuff that they are backing. You can find out more about that stuff at HealthFromTheHive.com. Howard wrapped up the show a short time later, around 11:10am.
Howard started off the show talking about his busy night last night. He was listening to the Bill Keller show that they ran on Howard 101 last night. He gave religious counseling to Jeff the Drunk, Siobhan and Misty the Prostitute. He said he went on SFN last night to see how the fans were reacting to it and noticed that they've changed the site around. He said he saw the fans weren't enjoying it so he called in to help out, then he saw that the fans hated that he called in.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he listened to the show and then listened to the recording he made of that show. Howard said that they don't usually have that guy on the show but they like to give the fans a choice. Howard liked the show and said that Bill didn't keep Misty on the phone for very long.
Howard had some clips from the show so he played some of those. Howard played one clip where Siobhan was talking to Bill about how she was born a woman and only had a birth defect. Siobhan insisted that she was born a woman and just had an inverted vagina when she was born. She said that she didn't want to mention the name that she was given when she was born so Bill blurted it out for her. They went back and forth on that subject for a couple of minutes. Bill insisted that Siobhan was born a man and she was a transgender person but she denied it.
Howard had Siobhan on the phone so he talked to her about how ornery she was being on the show. Howard said she wasn't born a woman, she had balls and a cock. Howard told her that he was born a sea horse if she was born a woman. Howard said it was actually good what she was saying last night because it made it interesting. Artie asked her how she made a baby if she was born a woman. Siobhan was saying that she was trying to make a point that it's the brain that determines the sex of a person, not the genitals. Howard sand Robin told her that she was a really good guest on the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said you know it's a good show when the fans start bitching that Howard called in. Howard said that's true. He said he thought Jeff the Drunk was being kind of goofy so that's why he called in. He said his fans seem to hate him. Siobhan said that they really are nasty over there at SFN. She had to stop going on there because the people are such babies there.
Howard played another clip where Bill Keller tries to talk to Misty the Prostitute. She starts talking about prostitution but Bill cuts her off and says that it's a sin against god so she argues with him. Then she says that his reality is different than hers. Then Bill tells her that the bible says that what she does is a sin. She denies that and tells him not to insult her so he cuts her off and says they don't have anything to discuss.
Robin said it was obvious that Bill just didn't want to try and help Misty in that clip. Howard said it's pretty cool how that all went. He said it was funny how Siobhan wouldn't admit that she was born a man. Robin said she wouldn't give him high marks in the counseling department because no one seemed to get along with him. Artie said that guys like that drive people away from religion with stuff like that.
Howard played the voice mail and then went into the clip of the negotiation between Tim Sabean and Riley. Gary told Howard that during the negotiation that bird plays a major part. Howard guessed that Riley was going to use the N-word a bunch of times during that call. In the clip Tim asks Riley what they can do to get him back on the air. Riley said he needs some help there getting his show going. He says he would like to have a 2 hour show and that would be no skin off of their nose. He said that they could swing that no problem. Tim asked him if he would be more flexible on his negotiations. Riley did come down from the $20,000 he was asking per show and came down to $1000 per show with two shows a week. He said he knows damn well they would go for that. Howard said he knows that they won't go for that.
Howard continued to play the negotiation and Tim tells him that they've come up as far as possible and they can't go any higher. Riley gets irritated and asks for $500 per show with two shows a week. He said he knows they can do that for the next 6 months. Tim tells Riley that they have other shows booked up so they can only do 1 show a week for 1 hour. Riley then demands $1000 per show. Tim says he really can't do it, he's stuck at $400 per show.
Robin said that Riley threatens like he's got other offers but he's obviously got nothing. Riley eventually breaks down and says that he will do it for 3 months if he gets $400 and he wants to give his co-host $300. Tim said he can go no higher for his partner and no higher for Riley. He's stuck at $400 and $200. Riley said he'll have to give his partner the extra $50 himself.
Riley said that he'll do it for the next 3 months and he's at the $400. They settled on that negotiation and Tim said that he'd have the paperwork drawn up for him. Howard said he's not sure where they stand at this point, he's assuming that he'll be on tonight. Howard said Riley is getting a raise of $100 per week from his previous amount of $300. He said that was a hell of a negotiation. He told Tim ''way to go...'' with that negotiation.
Howard said that's a nice amount of money for a guy like that. He only has to work an hour a week. He said that was a good lesson in the way the economy works.
Howard played some clips of Ozzy Osbourne, David Letterman and David Lee Roth getting behind Sanjaya. They were all fake promos. Jon Hein came in and said that American Idol is going to be on from 8 to 9 tonight but they're going to run a little long to screw up Dancing with the Stars. Howard said he was just so tired last night so he couldn't watch. Howard had another Sanjaya promo with Michael Jackson (High Pitch Eric) pushing for him to be voted in.
Eric the Midget was on the phone and said that it's not going to happen this week. He said that if Sanjaya does make it this week, he knows that he won't make it past next week. Eric said that he knows that Howard is off next week so they won't be there to push him to the week after. Howard said the fans should be able to do it themselves. Artie asked how he knew the vacation schedule because even he didn't know they were off. Howard asked Eric how he knew they were off. He said he heard some things and figured it out himself. He said Jason had told him about when they were running a wrestling game on the show and he came up with the whole vacation thing himself.
Howard said he thinks they'll be successful this week and the fans will all vote for Sanjaya. Robin said they could make some recordings that they could run during the replays or other shows on the two channels. Eric said that he told Gary about some guy who told him that he could get him into any American Idol tapings from now until the end of the show. He said the guy wanted him to let them know so they could send Howard 100 News to cover it. Howard laughed and said that Artie had a pained look on his face while Eric was talking. Howard said that all he heard was Eric going ''Ehhh, err, ehhh errrr ehhh ehhhh'' and did his Eric impression as he was saying that.
Eric made a joke about wanting to stuff a cupcake in Artie's face so that led to the guys talking about the cupcakes that people bring in there. Artie said that this electrician chick makes some and they're really good. Howard said Artie is the size of a house and he's still eating that stuff. Artie said he's just trying to help out that chick's business. He said she's a very nice person too.
Howard said he doesn't know what Eric just asked them. He figured it was something about getting into the American Idol thing. Eric said he could get in and do some interviews with the idols if they wanted him to. Howard said they would like that and any time he's doing something like that he'd like to hear tape. Shuli has volunteered to go with him. Howard said that someone is yanking his chain and it's a very slim chance that he'll actually get back stage.
Howard asked him if he's going to get to interview Sanjaya back stage if he's there. Eric said he would ignore him and maybe interview his sister instead. Howard said that he is an Idol so he should be interviewing him. Artie was saying that he's like a mini-stalker so Eric shot back and said ''You're not a mini anything are you?'' Howard told Artie that Eric had gotten one over on him and he should just take it but Artie said he was pissed.
Howard told Eric to call him back on Thursday after Sanjaya wins. Eric said he will call in tomorrow too. Howard asked him why he stopped saying ''bye for now'' because he loved it. Eric said he just got tired of it and it was worn out. Howard thought it was brilliant when he came up with that. Fred did his impression of Eric and came up with TTFN which was ''Tata for now...''
Howard said that they seem to think that she's going to be kind of nuts because she dates him. He said that Beth is very well informed about a lot of stuff in the news so she should be fine on the show. He said that she should be fine if she just doesn't talk over everyone like they tend to do on that show. He thinks that Beth will be fine talking to Rosie. Howard said it's a weird vibe there on The View because you don't know where to crowbar in the questions you want to ask. He thinks Beth will have fun with it though. She's not trying to get a job there or anything.
The caller told Howard that customer service there is amazing. He told him a story about how they sent him a new radio after his failed and he was very surprised about that. Howard said the company does try hard with what they're doing. He said he knows there's probably some disaster stories but they really are trying to do things right for their customers.
Robin said she spent the weekend with Pink while she was doing the countdown on Hits. Howard thought she meant she was hanging out with Pink in person but she meant that she was just listening to her. That led to Fred saying he was hanging out with President Bush in the oval office. Artie said he was with Derek Jeter and Howard said he was with Hurley from Lost and that was fuckin terrible. He said that guy is huge and Artie would have to gain 200 more pounds to be the size of that guy. Robin said they were supposed to explain how that guy keeps his weight on but they never really did. Howard thought it was the food they found.
Howard said that guy Hurley is morbidly obese but Artie isn't. Robin thinks that guy should be in the hospital getting gastric bypass. Artie said that Bubba used to be really big and he can't imagine weighing 200 more pounds than he is now. Howard mentioned that Bubba had sent him the pictures of his wife topless again and in one picture it looked like she didn't have any nips because her implants are so big. Robin said that Bubba and his wife got to church every Sunday and that boggles her mind because heather is a Sunday School teacher.
King of All Blacks called in and said he had just picked up a magazine at the store and it was saying that Howard was getting married in July. Chaunce Hayden is the guy giving the information. Howard said that he is not getting married in July, that story is completely false.
King asked Howard who would be at his wedding when he has it. Howard said he's not having a wedding when he does get married. king was also wondering if Howard has any other black friends other than Robin. Howard said he really doesn't have any close friends. He just has acquaintances that he sees every day that are black. He doesn't really have any friends that are white or black. Howard said Robin has just as many black friends as he does. Robin said she doesn't have very many friends just like Howard.
Robin said that King was very annoying on the ''Stern Fan'' (Superfan) Roundtable last week. She said he was saying that Angie Everhart was getting old. Howard said that if he had the chance to sleep with her, he would never turn that down. King was trying to explain what he was talking about but Howard didn't think he was going anywhere. Robin told him he shouldn't talk so much when he's on that show.
King asked Howard if he's even going to St. Barts like it said in that article. Howard said he's not going to St. Barts and that story is completely wrong. He doesn't even know where St. Barts is.
Howard said he could go on and on reading the mail because they got about 900 of them. He read some other mail after that. He said they got an e-mail from someone who said that they should call Gary Baba Badluck because he was close to Sal when he fell off the stage last week. Gary came in and told Howard that Sal has shattered something in his wrist and it's quite a mess. Howard said Sal is really a mess and isn't in again today.
Howard said that he got an e-mail from someone who said his hands are beautiful. He read that and asked why his face can't be beautiful. He said that he has nice hands and feet but that face... Artie said he also has nice hands and feet. Howard said he has noticed Artie's hands sometimes and they are very delicate. He talked about the first time he had seen Artie's feet at the pool in Vegas one time. He said Artie had to be asked by Dana to take his shoes off because he was all covered up. Howard said he was like the boy in the bubble and finally let his feet out into the sun.
Artie said he used to be really into the sun and the beach but over the years that just went away. Howard said it's funny how Artie keeps so covered up and just lets his feet out like that. He wondered if Artie ever thinks about stopping eating so he can go out in the sun once in a while and maybe look better. Artie gave him a firm ''No.'' Howard told him he should get that Hawaiian shirt thing going but Artie said he doesn't want to look like Tom Arnold. Howard said he could do everything Hawaii if he did the shirt thing. Artie joked that he could go out with JD's mother who is living in Hawaii.
Howard read an e-mail about Robin's cats and how ugly they are. They had some pictures of them up on Howard's web site. There was also a lot of feedback about Sal getting shot in the ass by his wife with a paintball gun. He read through a bunch of those e-mails. People were talking about how hot Sal's wife was and asking many questions about her.
Howard read an e-mail about Bubba's 60 foot boat. The writer thought that Robin was going to feel jealous and she'd have to get a big one like that. Robin said she has no desire to get another boat because of that. She went on to talk about how her horse dying and how she wanted some ashes from the horse. She said she got a huge box in the mail yesterday and she thinks it's all of his ashes. The box was huge, pine with a metal plaque on it that says ''Blaze'' on it. Howard told her that maybe she could put a saddle on the box and have Vincent Price's ashes ride them. Robin said the ashes must weigh 50 pounds and the box can't be opened. Artie told her to pour the ashes in a bottle of Elmer's glue.
Howard read an e-mail about John Edwards and the stuff he was talking about on the show recently. He said he thinks that John Edward's wife could have gotten cancer from the fertility drugs she was taking. He said that he had an aunt who had gotten cancer after taking fertility drugs and that's what he's basing his theory on. Robin thought that was kind of funny. Howard explained how Edwards and his wife wanted to start a new family after their son had died. They used fertility drugs from what he knew and he was basing his cancer theory on that. He said he knows one thing, that fertility drugs have been linked to ovarian cancer. Benjy said he read that some drugs have been linked. No one was sure so Howard just said he has a vibe.
Howard said that Edward's wife has been given just a short time to live and he thinks that she can't be going out on the road with her husband. He said that Edwards should stay home and stop campaigning. It's no good for the children if he stays out there.
Howard said when you have children, they are a top priority. He thinks that Edwards has to think of them before he thinks of his career. He said his wife needs to rest and keep it together for the kids while she can. Robin said that she's not on her death bed yet. Fred said that if he ends up being President and he's got two young kids to be distracted by, that's not a good thing. Robin said that he's barely with the kids now and it probably wouldn't change anything.
Fred and Robin were arguing but Howard had hocked up something and said he had to go to break after that. He talked about some of the stuff they had coming up. The caller asked Fred to play more of the Jon Hein song when he comes in the studio. Fred said that Howard gets irritated with that so he doesn't do it so much anymore. Howard went to break after that.
Robin walked away with $200 of Howard's money. The bets were getting very big toward the end. Howard said that was the best game ever. Robin said they have to do that again sometime. Howard said he had another Richard Christy prank call to play before he moved on. He said it was the most annoying phone call he's ever heard. In the call Richard calls a guy about some things he's selling. He's selling a CB Radio and Richard tells the guy on the phone another guy is calling with the same stuff for sale. Then he has the conversation as if he's talking to both of them and confusing the crap out of the guy on the phone. Richard drove the guy nuts to the point where he hung up. Richard called him back but then he got his cell phone call again and kept jerking him around until he hung up again.
After that Howard played a voice mail that Richard's dad left for him. He tells Richard that their dog killed one of the ducks they had as a pet there. He said that the dog got a hold of the duck and the same thing happened to the duck that happened to Shit Head the chicken.
Joe said that this is legal because the plate just has to be read by the naked eye. It doesn't stop the plate from being seen by the human eye. Howard said he's not sure that this stuff is morally right though because if someone gets away with a crime because of it, it's not good. Joe said that they've sold about 500,000 cans across the world so they're doing pretty well with this stuff.
Joe said that you can find out more about this stuff at Photoblocker.com. He said that the stuff lasts for the life of the plate with just one application. Howard asked how long he thinks it'll take before it's made illegal. Joe said they're already working on it. Bobo called in and said that this stuff is against the law. He said that he teaches defensive driving and they will fine you if they find it on your plate.
Joe said that the stuff is invisible to the naked eye so they can't bust you for it. Howard took another call from a guy who said that they tested stuff like this on Mythbusters and they found it doesn't work. Joe said they didn't test their product though so that's not the case. He said they have all the information on the site that will explain how it works and how well it works.
Joe said that they're offering 10 percent off for Howard Stern listeners who order through the web site or on the phone. Howard told him to leave his name out of it. He thanked him for the call and moved on after that. Howard said he's afraid of that stuff. He said he doesn't even speed and he'd be so paranoid about that.
A cop called in and said that this stuff is illegal in New York. Howard said he would be too nervous to use it himself. He had to go to break a short time later.
Nicole said that she used to be a stripper when she was in college and she was doing strip-o-grams and stuff like that. She said that she used to do the knee thing when she was dancing in clubs and rubbing up against guys. She said that was as far as she'd go though.
Howard took a call from a guy who thinks that she looks very similar to Beth. Howard said she did look a little like her. She said she's been told that but she thinks they have different noses. Howard played some audio clips from her porn movies where she's talking dirty to a guy saying ''fuck me in my dirty hole'' and things like that. Howard asked her if she's shocked by that stuff just coming out of her like that. She said it just comes out.
Howard asked Robin if she ever talks like that. Robin said she likes loving talk, not the dirty stuff like that. Howard said he would probably finish in a second if he heard that from a woman. Howard asked her if she's talking about her ass when she says ''dirty little hole.'' Nicole said she's actually talking about her pussy and she doesn't do anal all that much these days.
Nicole said that she doesn't really have neighbors that hit on her. She said she doesn't get all dressed up or anything when she's home. She took off her top for Howard and the guys and they were all impressed. Artie said they were hypnotizing. She told Artie she loves him and he gave her a 'Thank you'' when he heard that. Nicole then told Howard she keeps a little hair down below so she showed that off as well. Howard told her it was too much hair though. She said that she's not a little girl and she likes a little hair down there.
Howard asked Nicole about what she would do when she was in college. She said that she kind of went with it one time when a bunch of chicks hit on her and wanted to have sex with her. She said that the girls satisfied her and she wasn't sure what to do after that. She said the girls were sisters and they didn't touch each other but they did mess around with her quite a bit.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if she was from Pennsylvania. She said she was from Pittsburgh and she used to dance at The Wall for a few years. The guy was also saying that her husband is the guy she has sex with in the movies she does. Nicole said that she used to think that Howard was being kind of pompous when he started calling himself the King of All Media but now she sees that's exactly what he is.
Howard said that this guy KB kind of got burned last week when he was supposed to get laid by this porn star who came in and played a game. KB said he thinks that he was just too ugly for that other chick. He told Nicole that she was so much better looking than the other chick. Howard said that KB looked very happy and if he was lucky, something might happen at the hotel. KB said that he wanted her to tell him if she was disgusted by him now. She said that it's all about the attitude that he projects, not even about his looks. Howard said that KB had some trouble getting it up last time. KB said he would have been fine if she had just flicked it.
KB said that he had gotten a blow job one time but that was about 7 years ago. He's still a virgin. Howard told him that this is some prize he's about to try and win. He should appreciate it. Howard asked Nicole about why she thinks she can beat Fred. She said she's got an IQ of 155 although that fluctuates quite a bit. She said that she'd like to be on Jeopardy but she thinks her porn background would keep her off of that.
Howard told KB to check out this chick's body. She showed him her panties and stuff and KB sounded like he was very impressed. Nicole said that she never really liked younger men in the past but now she kind of feels like she's on some kind of power trip with that and she's kind of into it now.
A phone caller told Howard that he was a homo because Nicole had asked him if he wanted to feel her boobs. Howard had a lame explanation that he didn't want to stoop the show so he could move over to touch her breasts. Everyone told him that was lame so Howard said that he just doesn't need the aggravation (from Beth).
Howard moved on to the Win Fred's Money game. They sent Fred into Robin's booth which was the Isolation booth for the game. Howard gave Nicole some plugs for her web site NicoleSheridan.com and for MovieQuickie.com which is another site she's a spokesmodel for. He then moved on to the game but Robin pointed out that Fred was doing some strange neck exercises while they were talking.
Here are the questions and answers.
Nicole said she was going to leave her panties on because she was a germophobe and didn't want anything from that thing. Gary told her it was a brand new attachment and they'd take a new one out of the plastic if she wanted. She said she did want to see it so Gary showed her that it was coming right out of the plastic wrap. She got on the machine a short time later as Gary slowly ramped up the speed of the Sybian. She was finished within about a minute and hopped off the machine. She said that she might be able to try it again if they went slow. She tried again and said that she was too ticklish to do it again. She's not sure she could do that at home because it was actually too fast.
Artie said that her body is perfect and it looked sculptured. Howard thanked her for coming in and started to wrap up with her. She asked Howard if her husband could come in and give Howard a gift that he had for him. KB said he didn't want to meet the guy but Howard told them to bring the guy in anyway. The husband said that this week was the best because he was on the Stern show and then on Friday he gets to fuck a couple of chicks for Penthouse while his wife directs them how to blow him. He said he's having a great time doing all of that stuff. He told Howard that he gets to do a lot of really cool stuff with Nicole that he could never do with anyone else.
The husband, Voo Doo, was telling Howard he'd love to tittie fuck Robin and leave her a pearl necklace. Howard told Nicole that Robin needs some instruction on blow jobs. Nicole said that you really have to be into it when you do it and she really enjoys it. She said she just closes her eyes and goes with it. Voo Doo said that he'd love to see Nicole and Beth kiss and he'd let Howard have the two of them for himself. He then gave Howard the necklace he had made for Howard. Nicole said that they were made of healing stones.
Howard asked Voo Doo if he was going to interrupt with KB and Nicole today. He said he won't bother them at all and she's really great at giving a hand job. She demonstrated on a banana that Mike Gange had brought in. She was showing how she does it with the banana between her boobs. Howard said he was done already after about 10 seconds of that. She said she can make a hand job feel like he's getting fucked. Howard wrapped up after that and went to break.
Robin said that he stays friends with all of those women as well. He said he just introduced his new woman to the old girlfriend over the weekend. Howard asked him if he lives with them. Robin said that he does that mostly. Howard said that maybe he should just live with Robin for a while and see how things go. Robin told him that his engagement wouldn't last long if that happened. He was also telling Howard that the longer you're with a woman the more you forget about that excitement of meeting someone new. He said that women become a pain in the ass once they get that ring and get married. Howard said he was scaring the hell out of him by talking like that.
Robin told Howard that he really shouldn't be married and they should just live together happily. He said it's better that way if they do break up. He said he's been through that kind of thing with women himself so he knows. Howard asked him how far into the relationship they should draw up papers. Robin told him to do that as soon as possible. He said as soon as you give a woman the key, that's when they start counting.
Robin Q asked Robin if he knows of any couples who are happily married. Robin said he does but it's like finding a diamond in a mine, it's very rare. He said he has a 23 year old girlfriend right now and she's on Spike TV as the host of Ultimate Fighting Championships. Howard said ''No shit! Look at you!'' when he heard that. He asked him how he met that broad. Robin said she showed up at his birthday party one year and that's where he met her. Robin said that you always go after the hottest girl in the room because most guys are afraid to approach them for fear of hearing ''no.''
Robin Q asked Robin if he has an age limit. Robin said he has dated an 18 year old so that's probably his limit. Howard let a phone caller ask Robin a question. This guy Mark brought up the show Cribs and how Robin Leach kind of got all of that started with Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. Robin said he thinks it is a rip-off but he's not going to sue over it or anything like that. That led to Howard complaining about this show ''Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader'' when he's the one who came up with the idea and did it on his show for many years.
Howard asked Robin what he's doing these days. Robin said he's got this show called ''Fame Games'' that they do for VH-1. He said it's a train wreck of a show. He said he had a lot of fun doing the show and it was hysterical. Howard said he just noticed that Robin was dating actress Joan Severance back in 2003. He read that and told him that he's the man. Gary came in and said that he had a picture of the girl they thought he was dating but it turned out to be the wrong person. Gary said it had to be the wrong woman because she was too hot. He was right.
Robin Q asked if dating the younger women keeps the marriage discussion farther away. Robin said that it's actually worse when they're younger. Howard asked him about going to dinner with the producer of American Idol, Simon Fuller, and Michael Jackson. Robin told Howard about that a little bit and filled him in on the details. Howard wondered if Jackson is freaking out about his career at this point. Robin said that he's really not. They were just talking about the things he'd like to do with his career. He said he was able to have a normal conversation with him and he wasn't wearing tape on his nose or anything odd like that.
Howard asked Robin if he felt strange sitting at a table with that guy wondering about the young boys and stuff. Robin said he really didn't think like that at all. He said that they were discussing plans for what to do with Michael's career but there is nothing specific to mention at this point.
Robin told Howard a story about how he and Stuttering John were hanging out a few weeks ago. They got to know each other on the show ''I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here'' and Bill Clinton was sitting at a table nearby. Robin said John really wanted to meet him so Robin said he wanted to make things happen instead of letting John run over there and get the Secret Service to kick him out. Robin said that they did succeed at getting some pictures taken with Clinton. Robin said he told John that there are two great sayings in life... ''Follow that Taxi'' and ''I'll have what she's eating'' from When Harry Met Sally... So that's what they did at the restaurant. They had what Clinton was eating.
Robin said that Stuttering john even paid for dinner that night. That came as a big surprise. Howard read that Robin said that Clinton knew who John was when he met him. Robin said it's possible he was told where he was from. Howard asked Robin if he was surprised when he found out that John was going to be the announcer on the Tonight Show. Robin said that everyone was surprised, even John. He thinks that John was so shocked that he no longer stutters.
Howard talked to Robin about how much stuff he's done in his career. He said they started Entertainment Tonight, Star Search, Lifestyles of the Rich And Famous and other things. He also started the Food Network and sold that off. He said he usually sells stuff off after 5 years and that's a good rule for that kind of thing. He said you reach plateaus and you just have to move on. He said that once the Food Network got to 60 million households he figured it couldn't go any higher and got out. He said the investment was about $50 million. He said they thought it was a great idea at the time and it worked out well for him. He said that he was in it for about 25 percent of what they sold it for. Howard asked what the price was when they sold it. It was close to $500 million when it sold. Howard said it's no wonder all of these women want to marry him. Robin claims it has nothing to do with the money.
Howard asked Robin about the houses he owns and more about the women he's been with. Robin said that he's always had very good looking women, even before the money. He said he always goes for the best looking woman in the room because no one else is going there.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Robin about the Fame Game show and if the people on the show were pains in the asses. Robin said they were pains in the ass and Vanilla Ice is out of control and he really needs some help. He said he actually broke the set on the last day of filming. He said they were just making a TV show and the guy flipped out because he felt that Ron Jeremy had betrayed him. Robin said that Ron had done something that he wasn't supposed to do on the show and that led to Vanilla Ice going nuts on him. He said he tried to take off his head with a drum set cymbal. He was also smashing the lights with a guitar and it took 5 people to take him down and there were broken fingers and blood everywhere.
Howard took some more phone calls and let some people talk to Robin. One guy complained about him stepping on Fred's impression of Stuttering John. Another guy said he thought Robin was gay all these years. Robin said he's not gay and has never had a gay experience. Howard said that this guy is so not gay. He gets more pussy than any guy he knows. Another guy said that he heard that Robin had hit on a guy one time but Howard refused to believe it. Another guy said he saw Robin walk into a place with a smoking hot blonde one time. Robin laughed and said he didn't remember that. One guy said he was a door man at his building and he'd bring home hot chicks every night.
One caller said that Joe Rogan was on the show a few years ago and he had a hot chick on with him who had a hot sister. The guy said that Robin knows them. Robin said he knows both of them because he had both of them at the same time.
Howard gave Robin a plug for this show he does for AOL called Lux Life. He said you can find out more about that at AOL.com/Vegas. Howard wrapped up with Robin and let him go as he went to commercial break.
Artie said he didn't even see KB there because Nicole was looking so good. Howard asked if they could watch her giving KB a lap dance. He had no problem with that. Howard said that she should take over and tell this KB guy what to do. Howard told her that she's the hottest porn chick he's ever seen. She said that she was afraid that he was going to call her fat. Howard said that was music to his ears.
Nicole had KB take his pants off and started to give him a lap dance. She gave him the knee in the crotch and KB said that Howard probably wanted to be him right then. Howard said he did. He told Nicole that what's crazy about her is that she really seems to dig sex. She said she does.
Howard said that Nicole was sitting on KB's unit on the bed in her bra and panties. KB said he was good down below this time. Howard had Nicole start talking dirty to KB so they could hear that. She started to get really dirty so Artie said he had to leave the room when he heard that. She was asking KB if he wanted to see her titties and asked him to tell her what to do. He had his eyes closed according to Howard. She took her top off and said her nipples were really hard. Howard told him to talk dirty to her. KB didn't have much of a rap with her so she took over and started talking dirty to him some more. Then she started rubbing his unit with her boobs. Then Nicole spit into her hand and started rubbing him. She told him to imagine his cock inside of her. Howard said that this was some date. He figured it was time to leave them alone for a little while.
Howard asked the guys if she was the hottest chick they'd seen in porn. Artie said that she really was hot and she was a good girl. She spit into her hand and grabbed his dick and started giving him a hand job right there. Howard said that's good for KB. They're kind of glad that the other chick didn't do it with KB because he got this hotter chick.
Fred said he might have to go home and beat off thinking about this stuff today. Howard gave Nicole a couple more plugs for her web site and then took a call from Bill Keller.
Bill said that he's working on trying to help out Jeff up in his area. Gary interrupted and said that KB was about to finish. Howard didn't want to go back to the video but he did it anyway. He told Bill to cover up his ears if he didn't want to hear it. Nicole was still talking dirty to him and trying to make him finish. Howard asked KB what was wrong with him because he wasn't finishing. She was going on and on trying to get him off but he wasn't finishing. Howard finally got through to Nicole and told her she was really working hard on him. He cut it off and figured that he was gay or something. Gary and Robin noticed that KB was chewing gum which was kind of strange.
Artie apologized for the interruption to Bill. Bill said he knows that they have to do what they do over there. They got back to the discussion about the show he did last night. Bill was saying that people all have free will to do what they want and some people can listen to Howard and some may listen to him. He's there to talk to people who want to hear him. He said that Misty was just too messed up for him to deal with on the show last night. Howard wrapped up with him a short time later and let him go.
Howard said he couldn't stop thinking about that porn star's ass. He went back to the video and watched Nicole still trying to get him off. Howard asked KB what was going on there. KB said that he was getting close but Howard told him that he's got to finish within a minute or this girl is off the hook. KB said that sometimes he has to go a long time. Howard told him he had another minute so KB asked for 2. Howard said he had to get out of that.
Howard said it's like candles that won't blow out. A few seconds later he heard that Nicole had given up so he went back to the video. KB had asked Nicole to stop because he was freaked out by the whole 1 minute warning thing. He also asked if the camera could leave. Howard told him he was sorry and let him go. Fred said they should have one of those counters with a calendar going January, February, March... and counting down as Nicole keeps rubbing him.
Steve also said that Sal the Stockbroker is going to still do the Booey dance even after his accident. He also got in a plug for Beth doing The View this morning. Howard told Gary to call her and see if he can get her on the air before she goes on. He said he wants to talk to her about that and about what Robin Leach said to him about not getting married.
Howard said that Sal's fall off the stage is going to be on Howard TV tonight. Steve wrapped up his news preview after that and then Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the stories they'd be covering like the Nicole Sheridan visit and hand job. They'll also talk about Robin Leach's visit and about the Evil Dave Letterman intelligence game. They'll also be watching The View on air while that's going on.
Howard went back to Nicole and KB and heard her saying that she had made him blow his load. The camera guys had to go back into the room and got Nicole back on camera. Nicole said that the date was over. She said her hand didn't work but her lap dance made KB's underwear get a little wet. Howard said he felt for KB. They lost the feed a short time later but Howard said he didn't want all of the details. Then they got the feed back so he went back to KB and found out that KB had finished and he thanked him so much for what he had done. Howard told him he should thank Nicole instead. He gave Nicole some more plugs and let them go.
Howard said that Nicole can come back on the show anytime and told her to come back right then. He wrapped up with Jon Hein after that and then had Robin start her news.
Howard also mentioned that the power of the show is pretty amazing. He said that after Angie Everhart was on the show, her popularity on Yahoo search went up by over 700 percent. He had Robin get back to her news after that. Howard interrupted again a short time later and took some phone calls. One of them was a woman by the name of Celeste who sounded a lot like a man to him. She was upset with him for the whole Sanjaya thing. Howard didn't remember who she was until Robin reminded him that she's been calling the show since they were on NBC. Celeste told Howard how wrong the Sanjaya thing was because there is someone on the show who is very good and deserves to win. Howard told her just to play along and go with it. Mike Gange came in a short time later and told Howard that they're doing a ''Whatever Happened To...'' show for Howard TV and Celeste will be one of the people in the show.
Robin got back to her news and went through a bunch of stories before Howard ended the show around 10:45am.
Howard started off the show saying that he did vote for Sanjaya last night. He said he was still sick but he figured he had to stay up and vote. Robin said she tried voting last night and got through very easily so she didn't feel too good about the whole thing. Artie said he fell asleep at 3 in the afternoon and didn't wake up until 4 this morning so he didn't get to see it. He was also saying that he didn't know how against the whole thing Beth was until he saw The View yesterday. She wasn't joking around about it at all.
Howard said Beth really is against it and she doesn't think they should be denying someone else from winning. He said he started dialing at 5 after 9 and he tried voting for about 20 minutes. He only got through twice while last week he got through 15 or 20 times. He said when he did get through, he got a commercial instead of a thank you for voting message. He figures that a lot of people were voting for Sanjaya from what he could tell.
Robin said she delayed the show so she could vote while watching the show. When she first started dialing she couldn't get through but then she got through every time after a few minutes. Howard said it seems like Sanjaya is getting a little cocky now and it's almost as if he's feeling like he deserves to be there. They talked about Simon's comments from last. He told Sanjaya that it doesn't matter what they say anymore and if people like him then they'll wish him luck.
Eric the Midget was on the phone so Howard went to him. Eric said that he thinks Sanjaya could be out this week. He said he thought that he murdered Gwen Stefani's song so all of her fans are going to vote him out. Howard told Eric that Sanjaya is going to be the next American Idol, he's already on the tour. Eric said that's pretty shitty. Howard said if they get another dog, he and Beth have decided to name it Sanjaya.
Eric said that he doesn't have to be part of his show to get into the American Idol thing. He said he has 3 people who can get him into the show if he wants to. Howard took a call from a guy who said that he voted about 100 times last night and he thinks Sanjaya will be the next American Idol. Howard said he thinks that people know that they should vote for Sanjaya next week. Howard and the guys are on vacation so Eric thinks that people will forget.
Howard gave Eric 30 seconds to tell people to stop voting for Sanjaya. Eric gave his comments and said asked people to stop voting. He said that it's become ''a mockery to the sh..ow.'' Howard said he's going to have Richard edit down his comments to make it sound like he wants people to keep voting. Robin asked Eric to say ''Don't vote for Sanjaya'' but Eric knew that Howard was going to edit it so it would be ''Vote for Sanjaya.'' Artie wanted him to say something about his PJ pants but Eric shot back at him and said that he knows he wears PJ pants to work. Artie said that's true but he's never called them ''PJ pants.''
Howard took some more calls from some people and ended up talking about some of the contestants on the show and how awful they look. Howard commented on some of the women and how odd they look. Artie said that Sanjaya does have the right look for that show while so many of the others don't.
Howard said that he had Sanjaya on the phone. It turned out it was High Pitch Eric doing his Sanjaya impression. Eric said that his impressions can't fool him. Howard insisted that it was Sanjaya but let him go a short time later.
Eric said that the one girl on the show that Howard was saying looks like a line backer actually had a father who was a former NY Giants player. Eric said he's surprised that Artie doesn't vote for her because of her father's history. Like Artie would care...
Howard said he told Beth that she was good on the show and was dressed nice. She didn't say much of anything during one of the discussions they had on the show. Beth kind of laid back and just let the other women get into the whole thing. Howard said they switched topics and Beth did get to bring up some things and she didn't step all over everyone else. Beth was part of a cleaning segment and she figured there was no reason to be there because she didn't get to participate in it that much.
Howard said Beth did a very good job and the e-mail feedback about her appearance was positive. He read through some of the feedback. Someone wrote in about the other people on the show and how awful they looked while everyone else looked horrible. One writer said he had to beat off to her after watching the show. Howard said he was kind of worked up when Beth came home yesterday, partially because that porno chick they had on the show looked kind of like her. He said he just wanted to fuck when she came home.
Howard read through some more e-mail and a lot of it was very positive. He also talked about Elisabeth Hasslebeck and how cute he thought she looked. He said he could picture her making out with Beth while he was watching the show. Howard also said that he was telling Beth about the porno chick who was on the show and how she offered to come home with him. He said Beth isn't into that though. He said he's kind of envious of Bubba for having a wife who is into that stuff.
Gary told Howard that Lisa G got some alone time with Elisabeth Hasslebeck and Joy Bayhar at The View. Ronnie came in and interrupted and said that Akira was going to fly up for the show on Friday and they were going to hook her up with Artie at the show. Howard said that she really does it for him. Artie said the same thing and Howard told him that if he does get to bang her, he wants all the details. Bubba is looking for details too but Howard wants the story first.
Ronnie said that Akira was coming up just for Artie and that means Artie will get to bang her. Artie said he got the message from her this morning. Howard told him that she's up for just about anything. Howard said the things they do to her on Bubba's show is like the things a 5th grader would do to a girl. Eric threw in a comment about Artie's weight in the middle of the conversation. Howard had Jeff the Drunk on the phone to tell Eric that he had voted 161 times last night. Eric asked him how many 6 packs he had during that time. Jeff said he had none. Howard hung up on him and got back to Artie.
Artie said he's really not sure about the whole Akira thing because he does have that other girl. Howard told him to blow off that chick and just tell her that Akira is coming up for him. Artie said this chick isn't the type who would want a three way or anything. He's also not sure she'd be too thrilled with Akira coming up just to fuck him either. He said that this chick would find out about it if he did cancel it. He figures that it would be the last time he'd ever see that chick if he did bang Akira. Howard said that there are many weekends that Artie isn't getting laid so maybe Akira could come to one of those shows. Howard told him to have her fly up the next weekend or even the next day.
Howard told Gary to call Bubba and explain what's going on. He said that he's to tell Bubba that Artie is already getting laid that day so it has to be any other day. Gary was confusing things so Howard had to try and straighten him out. Gary was saying that this coming weekend was actually ''next weekend'' so Howard said he's going to screw up this whole thing if he didn't listen to him. Artie is flying out to Los Angeles next week so maybe Akira could meet him out there somewhere.
Howard goofed on Gary about the weekend thing a little bit and then told him to tell Bubba that Artie is available to fuck Akira any other day for the next 50 years, other than this coming weekend. He told Gary to just handle that now and get back to him after he talks to Bubba.
Howard said that he'd love to see Elisabeth and Beth together in bed. That got the guys talking about Rosie O'Donnell and how much Beth liked her. They spent a minute on that and then got back to the audio of Elisabeth's interview. She said she has been offered the chance to go on the show but she's pretty sure she wouldn't want to talk to the phone callers but she wouldn't mind talking to Howard himself. Joy said that she'd have to go on the show with her guard down.
Howard read through some more e-mail feedback about the show and one person said the show was the worst. Another person said Beth wasn't good on the show. Howard said that was the only negative e-mail he saw. That writer thought Beth didn't talk enough. Howard thought she did mix it up pretty good during most of the show. Artie said that sometimes it's harder to know when not to talk on a show like that and she handled that very well.
Howard said that no one else gets reviewed for co-hosting the show but Beth did. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that the show wasn't good and she thought that things didn't go all that well. Howard said that Rosie O'Donnell once called him at home and asked him to stop goofing on her because his fans were goofing on her out on the street and she was starting to fear for her life. He said he asked her to stop telling people not to come on his show. She denied ever doing that so they agreed to calm down about each other but Howard didn't let up for a while. He eventually saw what she was going through with being a lesbian and he eventually let up.
Howard said that Chevy Chase, David Lee Roth and John Bon Jovi have all been through similar things and he's let up on them eventually. Mariann was saying that she didn't think Beth was natural on the show and the show is just terrible. She said she loves Howard and the guys but she hates The View.
Gary said that Chevy Chase has written a book and he heard that a good part of one of the chapters is about his feud with Howard.
Jeff said that he wanted to be a carpenter before his accident so he can't be a carpenter with one arm. Jeff said he can't even hang a picture with one arm. Artie said Jeff wouldn't be tolerated for a minute on a job site. Robin said maybe he could make furniture or something. Artie asked him what kind of skills he's got because maybe he could do something like that.
Howard said that there are a lot of people out there who could do things without arms or legs and Jeff would have to be able to do something like that. Howard said that maybe Jeff could use his dead arm as a hammer or something like that.
Fred asked Jeff if he had a real job before that accident that paralyzed his arm. Jeff said he didn't, he was just 18 when he had the accident. Artie asked Jeff how he felt after that show he did with Bill Keller. Jeff said he felt nothing. Howard said it's too bad people can't pay Jeff to just stand around and drink. He said maybe someone could pay him to be a chair. Artie said that when you pay for a chair, you only have to pay once and they work forever though.
Howard said that it's too bad Jeff can't be a human door stop or something. Artie said that's what Jeff was at the grocery store he was working at. Jeff said he was more than a door stop, he had to open the door. Robin said they replaced Jeff with a computer. Artie said he was replaced by a cinder block. Jeff said it wasn't a cinder block, it was a computer. Artie said it's the same thing, the computer just tells the cinder block where to stand.
Robin said that maybe Jeff could do some painting and do those faux finishes or something. Jeff said he can't climb a ladder so that's out of the question. Fred said that maybe he could be a security guard. Artie said if that happens, he has a couple of buddies he'll tell to go there.
Jeff made an odd sound while he was listening to the guys. That led to Artie talking about some of the other odd noises he makes when he's talking and gave some demonstrations of that. Jeff changed subjects and gave them an idea for a song parody on the show. Howard said that maybe Jeff could be a scare crow. He asked Jeff if he'd do that. Jeff laughed and said that won't happen. Howard told him he really should take Bill Keller's offer and try to be a carpenter. He thanked Jeff for the call and told him to give it a try.
Jessica Hahn called in and said that Jeff should do some voice work. She also said that Beth was very smooth on that show yesterday and she would be great as a regular. Howard said that she got kind of quiet during The View because she was thinking about how over analyzed she is in everything she does. Artie said she got a good write up in that NY Post article though. The article was very positive. Jessica thought that she did a great job too and she didn't over do anything on the show. Howard thanked her for that and let her go a short time later.
Howard wrapped up with Eric the Midget and said that they'll talk to him tomorrow about what goes on. Eric said that he thought that the only job Jeff would be good at is beer taster. There were no laughs at all after that. Artie told him to listen to the replay and maybe he'd heard the laughs that were missing from the live show.
Howard said that the last episode of Battlestar Galactica for the season was great. Robin said she loved it too and now they have to wait until 2008 to see the next season. Howard said that's a long time to wait for that show.
Howard said they'll be playing a little ''Skating with the Tards'' today and they also have the Fab Faux coming in to perform The Beatles ''A Day in the Life.''
The guys mentioned that Sal the Stockbroker was there today so Howard had him come in. Sal fell off stage down in Florida on Friday night at a comedy show. Artie said that he saw Sal and was glad to see he was there. Sal came in and Howard said that he looked like a mess. He had a cast on his arm and his face was bruised from falling on the concrete floor. Sal said he had about 7 beers that night but he didn't think he was all that drunk. Sal said when he fell off the stage he felt like Wile-E-Coyote when he falls off a cliff. He said he fell straight down and hit his face on the concrete. He said he can still hear the thud. Then he said he was so shocked he got up on his knees and then more pain came through and he dropped down again.
Sal said that there was a doctor in the audience who drove him to the emergency room to help him out. He said that guy saved him. He said the whole thing was so traumatic that he ended up crying when he talked to Shuli after it. He started breaking down again when he was talking about watching the video and how close he came to dying. He said Shuli actually jumped off the stage to help him. Howard said he saw Gary walk away and laugh. Gary said he went around the long way and didn't laugh, although he did think that he might be joking around.
Gary said that Sal does a lot of racial jokes in his act and he had a mix of ethnicities helping him out at the hospital. Howard said he heard that Sal had a nightmare with his wife too. Sal said he was at the hospital for a while and Tim Sabean stayed with him the whole time. He called his wife and told her about what had happened and her first words were ''Were you drinking?'' instead of asking him if he was okay. Sal said he told her about all of the pain he was in and how he was throwing up from the anesthesia and she was afraid that he had gotten a virus or something. Sal said he couldn't believe that. Howard told him that she's really not into him.
Sal said that she did help him out a little bit and put a garbage bag on his arm so he could shower. Howard played the video of Sal falling off the stage and showed that to the guys in there. Howard said he did get a big laugh when that happened. Sal said it only took two years for that to happen. Sal said he can remember hearing Artie telling him ''Get up you pussy!'' when he was laying on the floor. Artie said he did get up and say good night to everyone.
Sal said he's got a fractured rib and his wrist is broken in the worst place it could be. He said the large bone is chipped and they've told him that it may not heal correctly. He said he's going to Disney next week and then when he gets home they're going to operate on his wrist and it will take 8-10 weeks of healing and a couple of months of therapy to get it right. Sal said he's going to try and do the Borgata show down in Atlantic City. He said he's planning on going down there on Thursday so he can get some rest from his wife.
Sal said that he's so glad he's not injured even worse. He said that he's on some meds right now and he tried this one called Dilaudid and the stuff is paradise in a pill. He said Artie asked him what they had given him the day that he saw him after the accident. Sal sa