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Howard started off the show talking about the Super Bowl. He said that a lot was made out of the fact that there were two black coaches in the game. He said that he didn't like the way Coke took advantage of that and made it seem like it was a bigger deal than they should have. He said in his eyes, one of the guys was really black while the other guy was light skinned. He said a lot of guys are going with the lighter skinned guy saying that he's closer to white. Robin said that's probably the way Daniel Carver is looking at it. She said he's probably still saying that it's like two monkeys going at each other.
Artie said that the Super Bowl has yet to be coached by two guys who talk black. Howard said the guy who won did speak very clearly. He joked that he was a sell out and not a real black man. Artie said that it's also funny how into god everyone is when they win the game.
Howard went into his Mama Lookaboobooday character and talked about how he's a much darker skinned man than the coach who won the big game. He said that he would have loved for the other coach to have won because he was much darker skinned than the guy who did win. Robin had a conversation with ''Mama'' about the game and the light and dark skinned coaches. Robin said that Mama was starting to sound white himself. Howard was falling out of character a little bit.
Mama told Robin that she would have liked to have seen Lovie Smith win since he was darker skinned. That led to the guys talking about that guy's name and how odd it is. Mama said the only Lovie he's ever known was the one from Gilligan's Island. Mama said he's still trying to get the state of Nebraska renamed to Neblackska so he and a lot of other blacks can move there to live. Mama was having some trouble using the N-word these days. Robin picked up on that and pointed it out. He said he's not as into using that word as he was before.
Mama decided to play some black poetry since it is black history month. He played a little bit of one piece of poetry and kept interrupting it. He played another clip that was pretty hard core stuff but interrupted it a short time into it. He eventually said he was going to turn the show back over to Howard so the guys could talk about the Super Bowl. He stayed in character and talked about Prince and the odd hair he had during the half-time show last night. He and Robin goofed on that do-rag he was wearing. Mama said it looked like something Lucy would wear when doing the laundry. Either that or something Aunt Jemima would wear.
Howard let Mama go and Gary came in with something about the Coke commercial that Howard was talking about earlier. He said that they had a line about how they were celebrating Black History Month and added ''Especially today.'' Gary said he didn't know what that meant at the time. They were doing that because there were two black coaches in the game.
Howard and the guys talked about how David Letterman and Oprah did one commercial together. Howard said Oprah doesn't seem to be able to say no to anything. He said it didn't seem to make any sense that she was in the commercial. Gary said that maybe she thought it was kind of funny and did it for the humor.
Gary said that Tony Dungy was trying not to offend anyone when asked about being a black coach and he was talking about how the NFL has created a certain type of coach. He doesn't think it has anything to do with being black or white.
Howard wondered if they talked about Dungy's kid committing suicide. Gary said it was brought up when they were giving the guy his trophy last night. The guys spent a couple of minutes talking about that and how the kid was only 18 and just did it in the past couple of years. Howard said that has to be the worst thing to happen to a parent.
Howard said that Dungy didn't look like he could ever even play football. Artie said he could have played certain positions. Howard eventually found out that he was a defensive back which can be a smaller guy.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that the coach of the Bears isn't really black because he has a white wife. He said he's a traitor because of that. Howard said he sounds kind of like Mama Lookaboobooday with that kind of comment. King went on to say that if his daughter was going to marry a white man, he would be kind of offended but he's not even sure why. Howard said it sounds like he's trying to make sure she only dates someone like him and that's not right.
King is married to a Hispanic woman so Howard pointed that out. King said that he's not crazy and couldn't marry a black woman because they like to argue too much. Robin found some news about Dungy's kid and how he was found unresponsive in his apartment. Robin thought that the kid had driven his car into a lake or something so Artie said that she must have been thinking of Dr. J's kid. While they were talking about that story, King was laughing. He said he doesn't understand the whole suicide thing and decided to laugh at it.
King asked Robin why black women like to argue with black men so much. She thought he was making a generalization that just wasn't right but he stuck to that story. No one had an answer for him. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said he thought Prince was really, really good in his half-time show performance. He liked that it was live and not lip syncing. Billy Joel was also live and very good in his performance. Howard said he heard Stevie Nicks was good but he didn't get to see her. She was on the pre-game. JD had recorded it for him and he was listening to it earlier in the morning. JD had told him it wasn't that great of a performance but Howard thought it was okay.
Howard played the clip of Stevie Nicks and said that she used to be so hot and it's a shame what's happened to her. He said she looks like a ''gypsy witch'' these days. Howard said he really loves her and thought that the mix was off during her performance. He told JD that's just the way she sings. He went on to complain about how the audio mix can be really off during a performance like that. He said it's amazing that they have this really amazing high-def picture to look at but they can't get the sound right.
Howard said that Prince's performance was kind of cool but at one point they had Prince behind a sheet and it looked like he had a big penis sticking out with his shadow on the sheet. He asked Fred to play one of Prince's versions of Purple Rain so he could hear the break part of the song. Fred did that and found the part that Howard was talking about. Howard said the guy is super talented and he can see why the guy gets so many chicks.
Fred had gone too far with the break in the ''Purple Rain'' song so Howard had him try to find it again. JD then came in and said that he had pulled the clip from the half-time show for him to play. Howard said the guy is 48 years old and looks really good for his age. He played the song and Robin said he is singing lower these days. Howard liked the way he was playing guitar last night but some guy in the paper was saying that the Rolling Stones were much better. Howard said Prince played that guitar like he was Jimi Hendrix. Fred said the guitar was kind of out of tune though. The guitar was off a bit and they had him potted down at one point according to Fred. He said it could have been the shape of the guitar and the guy who handed it to him may have been fired after that performance.
Howard said he saw that guy kneeling down there handing the guitar to Prince. He said that's got to be the worst job doing something like that. Artie said there's a guy who works for Springsteen who throws guitars like 10 feet and then has to catch them. Fred said he thinks that Prince sounded really good for the conditions he was playing in.
Howard said he wants to ask Prince just one question and that would be whether or not he fired that guitar technician after that performance. Fred was saying that while thing worked out okay, but the guitar was out of tune. Howard replayed it and it did sound kind of odd. Howard said it sounded good to him though. He said he thought he was going for that kind of sound but Fred said it was out of tune and he wasn't going for that sound at all. It was too flat according to him.
Howard said he thought the whole game was actually very exciting. He wondered why they would play in an outdoor stadium though. The day of the outdoor stadium is so over. They ended up getting rained on all night. He remembered going to his first indoor game and how great it was to be able to sit there in comfort. Howard said that if the game was played indoor, they couldn't have blamed the weather for all of the fumbles, turn-overs and all of that stuff.
Artie said that he won on the coin toss bet. He had put $1,500 on the total rushing on Rex Grossman and said he probably won on that one. He said he didn't feel so bad losing the stuff he did lose. He won about $700 playing in the casino so technically, he's up by about $200 over the weekend.
Artie said he spread out all of his bets with bookies and at the casino out there in Vegas. He said that in Vegas you actually have to put the money up for a bet while with a bookie you don't. He said Jon Hein gave him $200 to put down on the Colts so he did that. Jon is a winner so he's up by $200 this morning. Howard
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he should check out Prince live since he is performing at some place out in Vegas. Howard said he's never seen him live and he would like to do something like that. He said he thinks that the performance last night probably got him some new fans. A caller said that the over/under for the Billy Joel performance was a minute 44 seconds. The actual performance took 1:38 so he was under on that.
Melrose Larry Green called in and said that he knew Artie was going to get laid over the weekend. He met a girl who said that she would have fucked Artie. Howard thanked him for that and moved on to Artie's story. Artie said he did four shows there at the Luxor and had a great time doing that. He said he had a bunch of his buddies out there with him and Scott Ferrall was hanging out there doing his show from Vegas. Artie said he loves that guy and had a good time with him.
Artie said he got in at about midnight on Thursday. He said he barely slept on the plane. He had some good food on the flight. He didn't see any celebrities on the flight. He said he went over to the hotel and it didn't have the wading pool in the room like he thought it would. Artie said the room was good for showing off to the chicks though. Howard wondered if the chick saw his $20,000 watch. Artie said he actually forgot it.
Artie said that Dan the Song Parody Man saw this chick he was with out in Vegas. He said Bob Levy, Nick Di Paolo and Joe Mattarese were all out there with him too. Howard asked if Florentine was out there. Artie said he couldn't make it to that show. Howard said he thinks about Jim Florentine a lot and he's worried about him. He said he'd like to talk to him about what went on with his girlfriend. Artie said he has to sort through a lot of shit and it's going to take some time. Howard said that his girlfriend had committed suicide and Jim actually found her. Artie said he had a lot of jokes about her in his act so he doesn't know how he'd handle something like that.
Sal came in and said that Bob Levy was doing jokes about his mother-in-law on the day of her wake so that's how dedicated to his act he is. Artie got back to his story and said that there were chicks all over the place and they were inviting all of the hot ones back stage. He said this chick he was with was 23 years old and wearing a mini-skirt. He said that at one point Dan the Song Parody Man was picking the girls out doing some ''trim control.''
Artie said there was this one chick, Michelle from Florida, and she was an 11 on a scale of 10. He said he couldn't keep his eyes off of her. He invited her back stage because she was so hot. He said he was so taken with her that he just invited her back stage right from the audience. He said he was so dedicated to getting laid that he just had to say ''fuck it'' and take the chick back stage. Then he found out that the girl's fiancee was right behind her in the crowd. He had to invite both of them back stage and the guy turned out to be a nice guy. He said the guy was no Brad Pitt but he was in better shape.
Artie said there was this one smokin' hot Asian chick who came back stage. She ended up hanging out with the hot blonde and the whole back stage area was full of hot chicks. It would seem like he had something going on if you saw him back stage that night. He said there was one younger chick there who he thought he might have a shot with. She kept coming up and saying hi to him. Then he finds out that Dan the Song Parody Man had set everything up for him. Artie said that Dan told her that Artie is very busy right now and this is a business thing. He told her to just hang out and lay back and after the shows are done, she can stay with him and he'll deliver her to Artie's room. Artie said that was pretty ballsy of him. She said okay to that too.
Artie said he thanked Dan for that but didn't want him to do anything too crazy. He said that was kind of cool but the only thing that would change that is if a better option came along. Howard said Dan took out all of the romancing that he'd have to do. Artie told a story about being out in Vegas years ago when he hooked up with a couple of girls who were strippers. They asked him for some money after the weekend since they stayed with him the whole weekend so he figured it was okay to give them the money. He ended up giving this one chick his cell phone number and he's been thinking about her ever since then. In between the first and second show he gets a call on his cell. It turns out to be that chick and she knew that he was out in Vegas. He said he asked her if she was in Vegas and said that maybe they could hook up that night.
Artie said he was glad he was in Vegas this weekend because that chick was out there and she was looking for him. He said he told Dan to tell the other chick to come by the next night instead since he had this great stripper coming up to hang out with him. He said he had time to shower and get some champagne. He said he didn't want to go for two and lose them both so he just figured he'd try to get one. The chick eventually showed up at 3:30 in the morning. She still had her stripper outfit on when she came over. He thinks that she's hot as hell.
Artie said that the chick who Dan had set him up with had gotten kind of plastered and that didn't work out. He said the stripper came up to his room and started lap dancing for him right away. He said they ended up banging until 6 in the morning. He said he did bring rubbers with him and he made sure he wore them. He said he hates that he has to put them on but he made sure he wore them this weekend. He said he really didn't care that he was overweight and she was the one who called him so he just said ''fuck it.'' The chick did point out that he had gained weight and he should take care of himself.
Artie said that they fell asleep at about 6 and slept until about 2 in the afternoon. She gave him a blow job when they got up. He said she was brilliant at it when she did it. Howard took a call from a guy who said he was out in Vegas throwing stuff at him and Ferrall. He saw the chick that Dan was going to deliver to Artie's room and she wasn't really hot. Artie said he thought she was hot though. The caller said she wasn't all that great but Artie defended her and said she was hot.
Artie said anyone who was back stage would have seen that chick. He got back to the story about this stripper who he had sex with. He said she blew him while he was laying there in bed. She had to get going after that and he offered to have her to his comedy show but she had to work that night. It was a huge night for stripping since it was Super Bowl weekend. Artie said the club he met her at was different than the place she was working at that night this weekend. He said the other club was kind of liberal about letting the chicks touch the guys.
Howard asked Artie about this chick and if she had a tight body and if she touched his balls and stuff. He said she did touch them but she wasn't licking them or anything like that. He said she was very good at what she does. Dan the Song Parody Man called in and said he wished he could have been Artie that night. Howard asked him if he fucked the other chick. Dan said he's trying to be a good guy and isn't poon hounding anymore.
Howard said he heard Dan wasn't going to go to Vegas. Dan said he was talked into it at the last minute. He said that Jeff Beacher flew him in because they had some business to discuss. Artie said he's very glad that Dan was out there because he was a very good friend to him. Artie asked Dan what he thought about the chick he was setting him up with. Dan said she was hot but not quite as hot as this other chick was. Dan said she was kind of a mess and he was babysitting her for the night since he had planned on bringing her to Artie's room.
Artie said that the stripper didn't end up asking for any money that night. He said that neither of them brought that up. Howard asked Artie if the stripper swallowed his cum. Artie said ''not totally.'' He said he liked spanking the chick and stuff like that.
Artie said that he and the stripper had done it about 4 times that one night. He said he's pretty sure she didn't get off on what he did to her. He said he didn't go down on her although he did do that the first time he was with her. He said he got all freaked out because he ended up getting a blister in his mouth. He went to the doctor after that and decided not to go there this time. Howard said that kind of thing would freak him out too. Artie said she was very friendly and stuff.
Artie said he went down and had breakfast with his buddy Joe and Dan. Then he went and had a nice shave done at a place in the hotel. He said the guy gave him a nice trim on his hair too. Dan the Song Parody Man asked Artie if that was the hottest chick he's ever gotten for free. Artie said he thinks that Dana was hotter than that chick. Dan said that this chick had a flawless body. Artie said that she really was hot and her implants were very in proportion to her body. Howard asked if she still had nip sensation because some women have problems with that. Artie said he thinks she was getting off on that stuff.
Artie said that it really is a man's world because he was with this hot chick. Robin wondered what that chick got out of the whole thing. Howard said that she was with the great Artie Lange and she gets to tell her grandchildren about that some day. Howard wanted to call this chick after the break but Artie said she's really not into that. Dan was still on the line and talking about how hot that chick and her friend were. Howard said Dan is like the friend who never gets laid. Artie said he's got a great rap with women.
Howard talked about Dan's pony tail which is really long and has about 19 rubber bands holding it together. He said he's wondered how he does that stuff. Dan said it takes about 3 minutes to do it. Howard told him he'd look better with the pony tail gone. Sal came in ands said that Dan has two of his older pony tails hanging from his car mirror. Howard thought that was pretty gross.
Sal asked Artie if the stripper blew him before he washed up that afternoon. Artie said he didn't have to shower, he just woke up and she did it. Artie asked Dan if the blonde that he pulled out of the audience was the hottest chick he's ever seen. Dan said that she was amazing. He also confirmed that the stripper was amazingly hot and had a flawless body. Howard said he really had to take a break because it had been over and hour and a half since they started the show. Artie kept telling stories though. He said he was over at the Hard Rock and met the Meadow Soprano chick over there. He said Jeff Beacher pointed her out to him and he thought she was smokin' hot.
Artie said there were some midgets over at the Beacher's Madhouse thing and one of them threw up. He said he and his friends were there and this midget was already drunk when they walked in. He said the midget was drunk and sitting there and putting on a show for everyone. He said the guy then chugged a Grey Goose bottle and started to teeter around like he was going to pass out. The guy got closer and closer to them and then stopped and threw up right into the ice bucket. Artie said all of this puke was just spewing out into the ice bucket and it was hilarious. Howard got a laugh out of that.
Artie said the bouncer guy saw what was happening and pulled the guy out of there as quick as possible. Then they brought over another midget for them like they had to replace the entertainment. Artie was laughing as he was telling the story. Dan said it's like when you drop your fork in a restaurant and they bring you another one. Artie said he and the guys hung out that night and had a great time. Dan said it really was a great weekend and he's still out there this morning. He's not flying back until tonight.
Howard kept saying that he had to take a break but they just kept going with more stories. It was 7:40 and still hadn't taken one break yet. Dan was talking about how Scott Ferrall got fucked in that game with his bets. That got Artie talking about how he did Scott's show on Friday and he's totally come around to love that show. He said he really loves the characters he's got on there. Howard interrupted and asked Fred if they had to take a break. Fred said he really should go to break. Sal interrupted and said that sometimes Dan goes to hotels with empty luggage and loads it up with pillows, towels and ashtrays. Dan said he's never done that. He once brought some booze home in his bag and had towels wrapping them up so they wouldn't break.
Howard said he was watching Sal on Thursday and he seems to think that Sal hates Dan. Sal said that every time Dan talks it's like opening up an encyclopedia. He said Dan just babbles forever. He said he loves the guy but he can go on a little too long. Gary said he loves Dan but he wanted to talk to him about self-editing himself down. He said the seats are kind of assigned there and Dan will creep his chair up to a spot where he's not usually at. Howard said the TV guys actually mark the floor and check to see how far he moves. They found that the chair moves about 3-4 feet. Gary said that Dan will pass by Sal and Richard through the meeting. Howard said they did find that he moves after doing the tape thing. Sal said that if they ever did a special about Dan, they'd find that his chair has more personality than he does. Artie said he's a huge fan of Dan's and he doesn't care what anyone says. Howard said he really had to go to break even though he didn't want to.
Howard asked Doug who won. Doug said it was the drag queens who beat the guys from the show. Gary said he had a great Page 69 story about that game. He said that Jason was playing in the game and dropped the game-tying ball and now he's back on anti-depressants because of that. Jason came in and said that he played in little league for four years and never got a hit. He said he just wanted to play the game and stayed in it. He said he played the position of ''second right field'' which was the guy who stands behind the right fielder. He
The guys spent some time talking about that game. Howard also watched some of the footage that the Howard TV guys had. They were goofing on the way the guys were running and throwing the balls. Artie noticed that the drag queens were playing in high heels and they still won the game. Howard finally went to break at about 7:55.
Robin asked Artie how that came up. Artie said Jon just came up to him and asked him to place the bet. He said that he's such a degenerate that he would never put that kind of money down on a game. Gary was upset that Teddy didn't put the bet down. Artie said that's not the way it was. Teddy had to get a root canal when they were out in Vegas. It was an emergency because he blew out a tooth and had to have the work done right then. Artie said that a root canal is the worst and they actually had to pull the call. Howard said he thinks that Teddy is a good guy and he's never had a problem with him.
Gary said that he had a problem with Teddy. He said he was going to mail something to Artie but Teddy insisted that he got it. He said Teddy promised to get it to him but Teddy took it and then he sees Artie opening up the present two weeks later when they returned to work. He said he could have just mailed it to Artie instead.
Artie said that a weird thing happened when he hired this kid to be his assistant. He said it upset a lot of people for some reason. Gary said that when you take a guy to Vegas, he should be making sure that certain people are getting back stage and stuff like that. Gary has a problem with stuff getting to Artie so slowly. Artie said the guy is actually very good at doing this stuff for him when he's out on the road. Artie is happy with him. Howard said they should have this discussion with Teddy when he's actually there.
Howard moved on to play a new phony phone call that Richard did. He sped up his voice and called a woman. She seemed to understand some of what he was saying and had a conversation with the sped up clips. She pretended that she knew what he was saying even though most of his lines were unintelligible. Artie said he thinks Richard should talk like that all the time.
Michelle said that Artie was being really nice to her and treating her so well. Artie said she brightened up the room, that's why it was nice to just have her back there. He also said that she's got a friend who is hot and might be willing to date Artie. She's 26 and was in Maxim magazine's ''Hometown Hotties'' issue. She said she's going to talk to that friend when she goes back home to Florida. Howard told her to call back then and let her go.
Howard said he got a letter last week from a guy who said he broke his dick. He said he slipped out of this chick he was banging and she broke the penis when she came back down. He ended up spurting blood all over the place. Howard had to talk to the guy so he had him on the phone. The guy, Kevin, told Howard he's out of commission for about 4 weeks now. He explained how he had been seeing this chick for just a few weeks and they were having great sex. He was laying on his back this night and she was leaning backwards facing him and had her hands on his legs bouncing up and down when this happened.
Kevin said that he's had his penis stubbed before while having sex but this time things went a little more wrong. He said that when she came down on him, it bent in such a way that it broke blood vessels and he started spurting blood. He said they had been drinking all night and he figured he'd just stubbed himself. Then his girlfriend let him know that he was bleeding. He turned on the light and both of them were covered in blood. He said his couch and carpet were covered in blood.
Kevin said she stayed calm while he was freaking out. He said he ran into the bathroom and got in the bath tub and tried to calm down. He said about 10 minutes later he stopped the bleeding and she was standing out there cleaning up the blood. Howard asked him why he didn't go to a hospital. He was too drunk to drive so he didn't want to do that. They stayed home and cleaned up after calming down. Kevin said they got back in bed after the blood stopped coming out and then went back to bed. He said he started rubbing on her again.
Howard said he would have wanted to go to a hospital. Kevin said they tried having sex again and he was in way too much pain. He had more blood coming out so he had to stop and shower again. He went to a walk-in clinic who referred him to a real hospital. He had to tell this story to a 75 year old woman. The emergency room was packed so they sat him near the nurses station. He said he sat there for about an hour and a half. The nurses were checking his chart and he felt like a total loser the whole time.
Howard asked Kevin not to give him every detail. Kevin went on to say that the doctor finally saw him and told him he had a penile fracture. They took him back to radiology and inserted a catheter. All of the guys cringed when they heard that. He said they had to inject some stuff in there to watch to make sure there were no tears in there. He said they had to do it a second time because the first one didn't work. Howard said this was so painful just to hear that he had to rush him along. Kevin said it was so painful that it was a 9.5 on a scale of 10 in pain.
Kevin said they prescribed him some Percoset and some other stuff and told him to ice down his dick for 20 minutes a few times a day. He said that his penis is still bruised and it happened 9 days ago. They say that he should be good to go in about 4 weeks.
Howard said he doesn't like when a girl is on top because they don't always know how a penis really works. He said he likes to be in control when having sex. He wrapped up with Kevin but the guy asked him for tickets to the next roast. Howard said he'd do that but he's not even sure if they're going to have another roast. Howard said he thought the story might be interesting but it's really rough to hear that story.
Howard got back to the Super Bowl commercial discussions. He said that he liked the commercial with the beard comb over. They also mentioned some of the other commercials like the Kevin Federline one. Howard said he doesn't like Kevin Federline and he doesn't even know what they're advertising in some of those things. Robin said she loved the commercial but has no idea what they were selling. Howard didn't like the commercial and he doesn't care about Kevin Federline. Robin thinks that Kevin had a good sense of humor about himself to have done that.
Howard talked about some of the Bud commercials because they had a bunch of original ones that they didn't repeat. He said they have so much money that they can do that stuff and it just shows how many drunks there must be in this country.
Artie said he got his SAG card by doing a Budweiser commercial back in 1995 and that ran during the Super Bowl. He said he has no idea what the commercial was about to this day. Howard mentioned another commercial where a few guys were slapping each other around. He has no idea what the product was or what the commercial meant. Howard said there was another one where a machine committed suicide and he thought that was horrible. He said it was for GM and wondered who dreamt that shit up. Robin said when a regular commercial came on and a company sold stuff in a normal way, she got bored. Robin said she remembers the Tundra trucks because the commercials were so boring.
Howard said the GM thing is lame because they lay off workers and then show how the robots are taking the jobs. Howard said there was another commercial where some guys got naked and ran around. He said that he's still not sure what company that is. It turns out it was an amateur commercial that was made and it was obvious that it was amateur. Robin said she was watching the commercials that were available on the internet.
Gary said he thought the Robert Goulet commercial was awful. He wasn't sure what it was for at all. Robin said she thought the GoDaddy.com commercial was kind of lame too. Howard said that chick isn't that hot either. She was hot a few years ago, but not anymore. The guys also talked about the Coke commercials and how they were sucking up to the blacks. Gary also brought up the Coke commercial that looked like a video game. Howard said it looked good but he thought it was for a video game, he had no idea it was for Coke.
Howard said that when we have this war going on in Iraq, they should punish us and not even play games like that. He said it's crazy that our troops are over there and we're watching a game like that. He said that the game was great but it really is depressing to think about the troops over there while that's going on.
Howard said the Robert Goulet ad was for Emerald Nuts. He guessed that the whole reason for doing those ads is because they get people to talk about them like they're doing this morning. Howard took a call from a guy who asked about the pre-game show where they did some interpretive dance thing. Howard didn't see that part of the show. He tuned in to see Billy Joel doing his National Anthem. The caller also asked why SIRIUS didn't run an ad on CBS. Howard wasn't sure because they do cover the NFL on SIRIUS. The caller wondered if CBS has a problem with the company. Howard said they do have a problem ever since he moved there.
Howard said he knows that Beth's brother and father went to the big game. That led to Gary talking about how David Spade was there sitting in a plastic bag. They were actually goofing on Spade during the game saying that they don't get inside until they have a hit show on the network. Robin wondered if they should play all of the games inside. She said that the weather does add something to the game.
Howard figures that there are a lot of people who are at work sick this morning after staying up late watching the game. He said that Ross Zaipen was down there in Miami working this weekend but he can't imagine doing stuff like that. He said he understands Artie staying up late getting laid but he wouldn't want to go to a party and stay up all night like some people do. He said he'd rather watch the game on TV.
Artie said that football really is a TV sport. He's gone to a Super Bowl but he'd rather sit home and watch it. Gary said he'd like to see it in person just one time to see what it feels like. Howard said he likes the game and watching the commercials. The guys got into some more discussions about the game after that.
Gary said that Teddy has a job there already so when he gets paid more money to work for Artie, that upsets people. Howard said Teddy started out helping Artie out with his iPod loading. Gary said that Teddy makes some good money for someone doing what he does. He thinks that a real full time assistant would be happy to make that kind of money.
Howard told Teddy that the reason they were talking about this stuff is because Artie forgot to make the bet for Jon Hein. Teddy should have taken the bet and placed it for him. Gary talked about how Teddy hadn't brought over the gifts that he asked him to bring to him. Teddy said that if Gary had mailed them, they'd still be sitting in the lobby of his apartment building. Artie said he's not the easiest person to get in touch with.
Artie said that he really doesn't care about gifts and didn't open a lot of them until New Year's Day. Teddy said that he didn't deliver anything to Artie's apartment because Artie didn't want him to. There was some talk about how Jon Hein wouldn't give the money directly to Teddy because he doesn't trust him.
Gary said that Teddy is the engineer for their Wrap Up Show and one time he gave them the cut sign as they were talking about something. Gary said they had to tell him not to do that because he's just an engineer. He said Teddy sometimes takes too long to get to certain things when they ask him to do it.
Howard said he might have to have a battle of the assistants and have his assistant Laura go up against this guy. Teddy said he works there full time and only does the assistant thing part time. Howard heard that Teddy does kind of run around like he's bit shit because he is his assistant.
Gary said that they hear over and over again that Artie can't find stuff and you'd think that Teddy would be doing it for him. Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and said that everybody wants him to be the spokesman because he's such an asshole. He said that Teddy does walk around like he's become Artie. He reminded Howard about one day when Teddy stopped them and asked them to wish ''them'' luck in Miami like he was going to be part of Artie's act or something. Artie heard about that and told Teddy not to bug Howard after the show. It was actually Ronnie who had the problem with him, not Howard.
Gary asked Teddy not to sit in his office anymore because sometimes he'll just be hanging out in there. Artie asked him not to do that anymore. Howard asked Teddy what the strangest thing was that he had to buy for Artie. Teddy said he's never had to buy anything that unusual. Artie said Teddy did do something kind of weird on New Year's Eve. He said that Teddy had to get him to his limo and stuff and that night, Teddy got drunk while he stayed sober. He said he just wanted to mellow out on his drive home but it turns into this whole Real World episode. Teddy and his girlfriend got into an argument and he wanted to strangle him in the limo.
Artie didn't know he was going to have so much of a problem after hiring this kid. Ronnie said that Jason and Will are upset about him hiring the guy. Will came in and said he doesn't have a problem, he just thinks that Teddy is a bit of a douche bag and that's the only reason he had a problem. He said that Teddy acts like his shit doesn't stink now that he works with Artie. He said the guy doesn't seem to appreciate the job and he rubs it in people's faces. He told Teddy to get the fuck out of there and asked ''who the fuck cares?'' Teddy claims he doesn't flaunt that stuff and doesn't really talk to people. Jason said he doesn't think Teddy is an asshole. He said he wouldn't have even had the time to do that job.
Howard said there were a lot of people on the phones asking if Artie got a whore out in Vegas and stuff like that. He suggested that everyone tune in and listen to the replay or even tune over to Howard 101 to hear what was going on earlier since they already went over it all first thing in the morning.
Ralph called in so Howard said he was glad that he didn't get a call from him during the game giving him updates. Ralph went on to say that everyone over there has an attitude when something good happens to someone else like Teddy. He said Teddy isn't a terrible man for wanting to see a naked chick like Ronnie was saying.
Howard got the note about Nikki who is only 27 years old and she's got leukemia. Howard said that she can't do anal anymore because of this cancer. Howard read through the article where they explain what happened to her and how they found the large mass in her chest. They say that she's going to have to take a few months off and she won't be able to do anal anymore. Howard was kind of confused by that part of the article. He couldn't understand the anal thing. Howard played a clip from one of her films called ''DP me Baby'' where she's making some odd gargling like sounds.
Howard said he didn't stay up to watch the end of the game last night because it was getting so late. Artie said he doesn't know how he can do that and not watch it live. Howard said he got up early this morning to watch it. Artie said he had to stay up to watch the whole thing right up to the end. That led to Artie talking about how he stayed up until about 2am the night before he had to fly home. He was up right until the time he had to catch his flight.
Artie said he and Nick Di Paolo were in first class together so he stayed up right through most of the flight and right up through the Super Bowl last night. He said he passed out around 10:30 last night. before that he had been up for a straight 48 hours or so.
Howard said something happened with his TiVo last night and it caught a little bit of Entertainment Tonight. He said they had a camera crew on Dina Lohan trying to go visit her daughter Lindsay in rehab. He said that the mother brought the camera crew with her. He said it's no wonder Lindsay is so screwed up. He said it's the saddest thing he's ever seen. He said he was very confused by that story and why she would want a camera crew with her like that.
Howard ended up getting into a discussion about the Sunni and the Shiites and said that he really has no idea what the difference is. Will came in and explained it to Howard with a pretty quick and simple explanation that they he seemed to understand. He said he had no idea that there were Sunni and Shiite in just about every Arab country like Will said.
Ralph called back in and said that he saw that Lindsay Lohan story as well and thought it was really weird that the camera crew was there and she was complaining about how the paparazzi was making a big deal out of what was going on. Of course it was, she had a camera crew with her. Ralph said it was really weird how she was doing all of that stuff. JD said that she also brought Lindsay's younger sister with her that day.
Howard said that Andy Dick had to be kicked off the Jimmy Kimmel show recently. He said that Jimmy had on Ivanca Trump and Andy, who may have been wasted, started rubbing her legs and touching her during the show. She was being a good sport about it but Jimmy told Andy he had to stop but Andy refused to leave when he was asked to leave. Howard said that Uncle Frank guy went over and grabbed Andy right off the couch and out the door. Howard said he thinks Jimmy was upset about the whole thing because he did hear from him via e-mail. Howard said it really looked like Jimmy wasn't thrilled in the video. Howard said he thinks that the video was on YouTube or something like that. JD said it was on PerezHilton.com too.
JD had come in to talk about that video so Fred played his techno song music. Howard wondered where the Hawaiian music was. Fred had some of those to play as well so he went through a couple of those. That led to them playing a few of his song parodies as well where they inserted JD's whooping laugh into them. Howard went through a bunch of those.
Howard asked Ralph what he thought about Prince during the half-time show. Ralph though he was good and really liked the All Along the Watchtower performance. He also brought up the whole Janet Jackson thing and how Justin Timberlake got away unscathed somehow. Howard said he missed that titty flash that year because he was watching the Lingerie Bowl that night. He said he had dated Angie Everhart and wanted to see her on the show. Artie said he missed the live shot of that titty that day too.
Howard took some phone calls and one guy said that in the pre-game show they had a show where they had someone flying with balloons. Howard said that's what he wanted to do with Eric the Midget but he freaked out and refused to do it. There was another caller who said that he thinks all football games should be played outdoors. Howard and the guys were saying that maybe they could have a stadium that's covered but they could have sprinklers that would spray them down. That way they could pick the weather.
Jon Hein came in and told Howard that they really did have a kid flying with balloons and had him bouncing around flying in the air. Ralph was sick so he told Howard he finally left the house on Thursday and by Friday he was sick. Howard told him to stay away from him then.
Another caller told Howard he had a list of people who Howard would invite to his wedding before he would invite Robin. The first person the guy mentioned was Chaunce Hayden. Howard said that he really can't do the regular wedding thing and he'd have to have a private one. He can't have Robin laughing at him. Another caller told Howard he wanted to tell him the difference between Jews and Christians. He started in on the explanation but Howard didn't seem to care. He bailed out on the conversation after a few seconds of his explanation. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said that Tyra Banks was crying on her show as she was talking about the people who have been calling her fat. He played an audio clip from that show where she flips out on everyone who picks on women who are like her (fat). She tells them all to kiss her fat ass. Howard said that's so much for self esteem, she's crying about it. Howard said that she is fat and she's let herself go. Robin said that now she doesn't have to get into a fat suit to see how people treat her when she's fat.
Howard said when you're on TV every day you want people to comment on you. He said he finds it hard to believe that her show is still on TV but it's apparently still doing well. That led to him playing another clip from Tyra's show where she talks to Janet Jackson about farting. He played a few seconds of that and noticed that Janet is like Michael Jackson with the soft speaking voice. Tyra asked Janet if she owns up to blasting a fart if it stinks up the room. Janet says she would own up to it. The two of them spent a couple of minutes talking about the farting. Artie said that was just gross. Tyra claims that she has irritable Bowel Syndrome but Howard said there's no such thing and she just eats too much. Robin said she guesses that's entertainment. Artie said ''No it's not!''
Howard said that was one big, boring interview right there. He asked Robin what's going on at Ryan O'Neil's house. He read a story about Ryan's 42 year old son going over to his father's house and getting into an argument. He and Robin went through the story as they knew it. Howard said that the son, Griffin, apparently pulled out a fireplace poker and Ryan pulled out a gun and fired off a warning shot.
Howard wondered what happened to Farrah Fawcett's cancer. She's apparently been able to beat it so Howard said it's a shame that Dana Reeve wasn't able to beat it but Farrah has. He said if he had a choice of which one of those two to keep on this planet, it would have been Dana Reeve. Robin thought it was wrong of him to say something like that but he stuck to that. Artie said that if it was 1978 and you asked that question, the answer would have been different.
Howard spent some time talking about how Ralph Nader is threatening to run for President again in 2008. He said he always seems to screw things up for the Democrats by running. Gary came in and asked Howard if he agrees with John McCain saying that if they cut off the amount of troops they send over to Iraq that they're sending a negative message to them. Howard said that he thinks the whole war is a disaster and they really just need to get everyone out of there.
Howard mentioned that Keith Olberman did a cool thing about Iraq. He said it was a little political but he thought the guy was right on. He played the clip and warned people that it might be a little boring even though they cut it down a bit. He let some of that play through and then brought in Steve and Jon.
Steve Langford talked about a couple more things they'll be covering today and got in a plug for tonight's Inside the Porn Actor's Studio with Richard Christy. Howard let Steve go and had Jon Hein give his show preview.
Howard ended up talking to Jon about the bet that Artie forgot to place for him out in Vegas. Howard told Jon that maybe he shouldn't bother people for doing stuff like that. Jon said he knew Artie was going out there and he figured he'd place a small bet. He got into his show preview and went over the stories they'll be covering on the show today.
Artie said that Shuli got so high at the second show they did on Saturday night that he forgot the first comedian's name. Artie said Shuli can do his act when he's high just as well as he can do it when he's not. Artie said Shuli seems to be fine smoking the stuff and functioning normally. Robin seemed surprised that Howard would be for some of that stuff. He said he only thought about it because he was reading about it in GQ. He's usually not that concerned about it.
Howard had Robin start her news but after one story he read through some e-mail. There are quite a few people who are worried about Artie and want him to seek out professional help. Artie said he got the professional help he needed this weekend. Howard said he did walk in there like he was on top of the world. Artie was very happy after getting laid this weekend.
Howard got some feedback about the Joe Francis interview last week. One guy thought he did a great job with the interview even though Joe sounded so out of it. Howard went through a few other emails and then had Robin get back to her news.
Howard mentioned that Sarah Silverman's show did very well last week on it's debut night. It actually held onto and increased the audience of South Park. Howard was talking about how he has more listeners than a Letterman or Leno do on their late night shows. He thinks that people like David Space should have come and done the show when he was in town recently.
Lori claims that Big Foot wouldn't leave the place and started eating trays of his medication. She said he's been spreading lies about her and they're just not true. She claims that he was saying she abuses him but she has never done that. She claims that Big Foot has apparently done this to every person he's ever lived with. Howard said he wants to have Big Foot on the phone to get his side of this story. Lori said she never wants to be with a guy like that again. Howard told her they really need to be able to hear his side. He put her on hold and told Gary to take care of that. Meanwhile Fred played a new Baba Booey song parody to the tune of The Ramones ''I Wanna Be Sedated.''
Gary said his mother used to listen in on his phone calls when he was a kid. He thought that was wrong. Gary said he only does it because strangers can contact his son through the web on instant messenger and stuff like that. Gary said Jon Hein does it to his kids and so do some of the other people who work there. Gary also has cameras in his house and he can watch them from work. He said he has it set up so he can watch 25 days of footage.
Ralph called in and asked Gary if he thinks it's kind of creepy to do stuff like that. He figures that Gary should be teaching his kids what they should and shouldn't be doing. Gary said he will probably stop doing that stuff when his son is older. Ralph thinks that Gary should at least tell his son that he's being watched. Howard said he does owe the kid that.
Howard said that he'd really be upset if he had someone spying on him like that and he really doesn't think it's right. Gary said he and his wife don't take that stuff lightly and it was a tough decision. Howard told him he really should tell his son what he's doing. He thinks that Gary is reading his son's private thoughts about him and his friends. Robin said that the best thing is to not let the kid have a computer in his bedroom. Gary said he had that mistake and he has since corrected it.
Ralph wondered what's going to happen when his son does find out that he's been spying on him. Gary doesn't think that it's going to change. Ralph seems to think it will change when his son does find out though. Howard said he would feel a little weird having access to his daughter's computer and spying on her like that. He said that would be like his parents bugging his room and listening to his personal conversations when he was a kid.
Gary said that he doesn't really go through the stuff on the computer all that often and he's not finding anything these days. Robin said that she actually has access to another family's son's instant messages. She said she can't get that off of her computer and that kid's friends think he's on when she logs on under his name.
Gary asked Robin what she would do if one of that kid's friends said something about having a bag of weed. She said she's not sure what she would do if that happened. Howard asked Gary what he would do if he found out that SIRIUS was reading all of his mail. Gary said he knows that they're probably doing that already. He said you have to realize that a big company is going to read e-mail. Howard had Robin get back to her news a short time later.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Howard started off the show talking about how people are always asking him if the two satellite radio companies are getting together. He tells them he doesn't know because he really doesn't want to know what kind of business deals are going on behind the scenes there.
Howard said Gary played him some audio of one of the urban stations in New York City and one of the guys gets pretty graphic on the station. He thinks that because they're an urban station, the FCC doesn't bother them. He said they have a guest on the show by the name of The Game who talks about fingering Vita Guerra and gets very graphic. Artie said he calls it her ''onion.''
Howard played the audio clip where the guy is talking about the fingering thing. Howard said he knows he'd get fined if he talked about that when he was on terrestrial radio. He said it was a good interview, but they seem to be getting away with stuff that he never could. Howard said he wasn't really following the story very well and said he needs an interpreter to follow along. Artie was able to understand that the guy had gone to a party. That was about it.
Howard continued to play the tape and we hear him talking about fingering the chick. He said he finger-banged her while they were at this party. He was talking about using the ''two finger split'' and then putting in the third finger on that little ball. Then he went in the back with his other hand and she started to wiggle around. He said he sniffed his fingers both times and it was fresh each time. He said he never smashed it but he did finger bang it.
Howard said he feels bad for that chick. Robin said that Tom (Chiusano) would have ripped them off the air if they had a conversation like that back at K-Rock. Robin said they could report them to the FCC if they wanted. Howard said he's not into that but there were times in the past when they could have done that. He said he had people taping his show 24/7 when he was on terrestrial radio just so they could turn him in.
Artie asked if they had a picture of that chick because he'd like to see her. Howard said she's not that hot and she's known for having one of those huge asses like J-Lo. He doesn't find that hot at all. He likes to see an ass that's in proportion. Artie said he likes some meat on a chick's ass himself. Howard said he knows what that guy was talking about when he was saying he puts his finger on the little ball. He joked that he thought it was the uvula.
Howard took a call from a woman who told him that ''a monkey'' is slang for pussy so in that tape they were listening to, that's what they were referring to. The woman was Australian so the guys found it kind of funny that she knew what it meant while they didn't.
Artie said he knows guys who started fucking at the age of 14 and he didn't get anything until he was about 17. He was really bad with the girls so it took him a while. Howard said he was so afraid he was never going to get a chick. Artie was the same way. Howard has never gone to a whore though. Artie said he didn't do that until he was about 24 but he did do something at a bachelor party when he was 18.
Artie said his uncle set him up with a girl when he was about 11. He took this 12 year old girl out to an amusement park and when they got back, his uncle asked him if he had banged her. Artie could barely speak to her. Artie said he was only 11 years old and they were telling him that they were banging chicks when they were his age.
Howard said he knew a kid who was banging this really hot girl when he was like 15. He said he had her during one of those Super-Jew holidays ''Sukos.'' He'd take her into this Suki thing that was in their back yard and doing her in there. Howard said the kid must have been about 15 and he was way ahead of anyone he knew. He said that made him go into a frenzy to try and get laid. He and his friend Lew were trying to get laid and it was like a competition. Howard got bummed out after he found out that Lew had gotten laid one night. Howard and Lew went to get some rubbers one night and his friend Lew wasn't afraid to ask for some Trojans. Howard said he still doesn't like doing that so he has his assistant Laura buy them for him.
Artie said that he graduated high school when he was still 17 and he didn't get laid until 8 days before his 18th birthday. Artie said if you don't get any chicks until later in life, you feel you have to lie to future girlfriends. Howard said the girl who took his virginity told him she didn't want to be stuck in his head for the rest of his life and didn't want to take the virginity. Howard said that was great and then he got another chick. It was great that it was just over. He said it wasn't great sex.
Artie said he got laid in the back of his 74 Matador. it was very awkward but he got it done. He told another story about another comedian who picked up a chick at a comedy show. He said the guy wanted to do this chick. He said he didn't want to stick around after she was so drunk that she threw up. Artie said the guy swears he didn't fuck her but he's pretty sure he did.
Gary came in and told a story about how quick he finished the first time he had sex. He said he had no idea how fast it was going to happen at the time. Howard took a call from Hook Nose Mike who asked Howard for more details about that first experience. Howard said he had no idea what he was doing and that's why he wished that there were sex movies he could have watched. Mike also asked Robin when she lost her virginity. Robin said she was 19. That led to them asking when she had anal for the first time. She said it was probably when she was about 26... and 27 when she had it last.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he had to walk through like 4 feet of snow to get laid for the first time. He said they even had to go out of town to get rubbers.
Howard said he's still surprised that the finger banging clip didn't get more notice. Gary said the show airs on Sunday night from 7 to midnight so maybe it was considered in safe harbor. He said that when Adam Carolla had his sex show, they got away with stuff because they ran their show after 10pm. He said the FCC is under some grand illusion that kids don't listen at that time of night. He pointed out that kids can get a lot more crap on the internet than they can on radio. JD came in and said that show is actually on during the week, not on Sunday night.
Howard and Artie talked about some of the other girls they've been with in their sex lives. That led to Howard saying that Richard Christy has been with a black chick. Richard said that chick actually puked all over him when he finished in her mouth. He said he exploded in her mouth right away and she puked on him.
Howard said he had some audio of Ali G on Inside the Actors Studio. He played some clips from that show where Ali G asked James Lipton some questions. It turns out it was Ali G interviewing James Lipton which isn't what Howard expected after reading it on his computer. He thought Ali G was on Inside the Actors Studio. It was a funny interview though.
Howard and Robin talked about how they feel much safer walking around the city these days and what a great job Rudy did. Howard said the guy really seems to care about the City and the people in it. He was able to do good things when he was in office and people fell in love with him on 9/11. He said he likes Rudy but also likes Hillary Clinton.
Howard said that Rudy even took on the Javits Center because it was being run by organized crime. He said he cleaned that up as well. He spent a few minutes talking about him and said that he's a big believer in that guy and he wishes him luck in the run for President. He said he's glad to see that he's running. Howard said that there's only one person who could get his vote over Hillary's and that would be Rudy Giuliani.
Artie said that he had a hard time finding the Stupid Bowl on Howard TV when he was trying to find it. Doug said they're working on simplifying the whole thing. They're going to simplify the web site as well and he couldn't agree more with what everyone thinks. They are working on fixing it though. Doug also said that they're still working on the Bubba's Wedding special that should be done by March. Artie said he's going to be interviewed for that special and they have like 78 questions for him. Howard said he did some interviews for that and spent quite a while doing it.
Robin said she was interviewed for that special and got hers done pretty quick. They were going to have Benjy do his next but they told Robin not to send him in because he talks too much. Robin gets her answers out quickly and succinctly.
Howard was talking to Ronnie about that and Ronnie didn't think he was treating him right. Howard said Ronnie interprets his look and thinks that he's bothered by things. Ronnie said that he doesn't do that, they had a conversation one day about that.
Ronnie thinks that Howard is making him look like the bad guy all the time. He doesn't understand that. Howard said that Ronnie shouldn't be speaking for him. He said he never told Ronnie to talk to Artie about any of that stuff. If he has a problem with Artie's assistant, he will talk to him himself. Howard asked Ronnie if he asked him to go talk to Artie about his assistant. Ronnie said Howard never wants to be the bad guy so he's making him look like the bad guy.
Howard told Ronnie he doesn't want him going up to Artie and talking about how ''we'' don't understand why he's bothering them. He didn't ask him to be the bad guy and talk to Artie like that. He doesn't want him making it a ''we'' thing because he didn't ask him to do anything like that. He told Ronnie not to talk to anyone about that stuff anymore. Ronnie said he's always wrong and Howard is always right. He's not going to talk to anyone now, he's just going to say ''hello'' and ''Goodbye.'' Howard told him that if it's going to come down to that, maybe he shouldn't be his driver anymore. Ronnie walked out of the studio.
Howard said he never said that Teddy annoyed him, Ronnie just took it that he was annoyed and then went to Artie with it. Artie said he got kind of defensive when he heard from Ronnie that Teddy was bothering Howard and asked him to stop. He said Teddy didn't even know what he had done wrong.
Howard said Ronnie gets really defensive and seems to be living on his own planet called Ronnie World. He doesn't listen to what anyone says to him and gets very defensive. He said things go on there where his name is used when it shouldn't be. He said Ronnie has become a smug asshole lately and does his own little show out in the hallway there.
Howard said Ronnie takes it wrong when he says he doesn't know what someone is talking about and then goes to Artie with the whole thing. Then Ronnie gets on the air and doesn't listen to him when he's trying to talk to him. He just doesn't want Ronnie speaking for him but Ronnie can't take any criticism at all. He said he really wasn't looking to talk to Teddy about the whole thing.
Howard said he'd like to straighten out any other problems that people have with Ronnie. He's not sure if anyone else has been approached by Ronnie about stuff he doesn't know about. He really needs Ronnie to understand this whole thing. Gary said that Ronnie is locked into Scott's studio and won't come out. Meanwhile, Sal and Richard are slipping notes under the door and goofing on him. Gary thinks that he's going to snap and kill them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie has lost his mind. Howard said he's told him that if he has nothing to do, he's to stand in the hall like a pole. He just can't do that. Howard told Artie that he never told Ronnie to talk to him about Teddy. Artie said he gets that.
Howard talked to the guy on the phone about Ronnie and his behavior lately. Artie said that he knows how some guys are when they're caught in a lie or something like that. He said they tend to backpedal and get themselves caught in a corner.
Howard said that Ronnie must be looking for some interaction with people in the halls because he's bored. Artie said that he felt he had to say something to Teddy when he heard that story from Ronnie. Howard said that maybe Ronnie was joking around and he didn't understand that. Howard said he knows that Ronnie has a very dry sense of humor and he's probably been misunderstood.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they may have to call Howard ''Dr. Frankenstein'' because he's created so many monsters. Another caller said she agrees with that guy and Howard only has himself to blame for creating these people. Another guy said that Ronnie seems to forget that he's just a limo driver and couldn't protect anyone. Howard took another call from a guy who reminded him that they never hear a word from Robin's limo driver. Howard said that guy just stands there like a wall and doesn't say anything.
Howard continued to say that he never asked Ronnie to speak for him. He said the guy is a good driver but even asking him to do that is rough. He gives him a hard time when he asks for that. The caller that was on the line asked Howard if he keeps any cash around his apartment. He was wondering if it disappeared when Ralph was around. Howard said he doesn't keep it in there so he wouldn't know.
Howard said he doesn't even keep a safe in the house. He said his parents used to get robbed all the time because they had a safe in the house. They were robbed 4 times because of that and he would never want something like that in his house.
Ronnie (audio clips) called in and gave Howard and Robin some ''fuck yous'' and said that he really doesn't give a shit about any of this stuff. He said the last thing he wants to do is make Howard feel bad. Ronnie was calling Howard and Robin assholes and things like that but Howard broke the news to everyone that it was just audio drops that Richard was playing with in the back office. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said they're going to be playing It's Just Wrong sometime soon. He said the contest is being sponsored by HotMovies.com. Artie told Howard that when he was out in the hall he heard Sal give Ronnie his exploding pen and then Ronnie chasing him back into his office. Howard said that's supposed to be his security guy and wondered if he could stop.
Howard had Lisa G come in to give her Howard 100 News preview. Lisa said that Fred stopped by the news department yesterday to talk to them and said that he thinks Prince wasn't playing live through that half-time show yesterday. Lisa said they'll be exploring that and also looking into a 911 call that was played on CNN the other day. They're kind of worried about Wendy the Retard because it sounded like her on the phone. Lisa said that they spoke to Wendy about that and found out she knows what to do in an emergency. Lisa also said that they've found that High Pitch Mike still hasn't opened the big screen TV that he won after having Siobhan sit on his face. They'll have that and more all day long on Howard 100 News.
Big Foot said that Lori decided to cause a big scene because of his E.P. which is someone who takes care of him because he can't read or write. That person is a man who lives with him all the time. Howard asked Big Foot if he knows what E.P. Stands for. He said he knows it's Essential Person. The guy lives with him and takes care of him. Big Foot said he got thrown out of Lori's apartment after he bought some Chinese food. He said she thought the E.P. was hungry but he didn't want to give up his Chinese food. Big Foot went on to say that his girlfriend brought her daughter to sleep in bed with her and made accusations about him.
Howard asked Lori if he was accusing her of doing stuff with her daughter. She said she slept on one side of the bed and her daughter was on the other side. She said Big Foot doesn't understand that two people can sleep in the same bed without doing something. She also said that Big Foot said that he hoped her pussy smelled bad and some other rude things. Big Foot said he doesn't remember all of that stuff. He said he crashed his car into the hospital or something like that.
Robin wondered why this guy has to drive when he has to have an E.P. and can't read or write. Lori said that she gave Big Foot a nice place to live and this is the way he treats her. Big Foot said she ragged on him about money all the time when he was living there and she always complained about her arm. Lori said Big Foot would buy happy smoke (Weed) and blow the smoke in her daughter's face. Big Foot didn't remember doing that. Lori said that's because he was high.
Howard asked Big Foot if he still loves Lori. Big Foot said he's not in love after seeing all of this. He was also kind of jealous of her daughter and the time he spent with her. Lori would also speak to the E.P. and that's what upset him as well. Lori also pointed out that Big Foot sucks his thumb every night. Artie got a laugh out of that and called him a homo.
Big Foot and Lori are no more. The two of them are done and Lori said that blowing weed in her daughter's face just wasn't right. She said she'd like to come up to visit again but not under those circumstances. Big Foot said that his E.P. is still living with Lori. Lori said that they're actually thinking about dating now. Big Foot said she was thinking about that the first night he stayed there. Lori said that's not true, they barely spoke when he first moved in. She said they're just hanging out now.
Big Foot said she's probably hanging out with him and having a good time without him there. He said that he paid some bills for her but Lori said he should pay for some of the stuff he used while he was there for a month. Howard took some phone calls after that and one guy said this guy has a great life going with a manager and an E.P. Helping him out.
Lori was claiming that Big Foot was threatening to burn down her house at one point. Howard said that would be a big mistake for him to do. Big Foot said he's not making threats like that, he knows it would be a mistake. Robin asked Big Foot how much of his $8,000 he has left from the football pool. Big Foot said he's got about $3,000 left and he has to think about putting a roof over his head before he goes putting the money into the stock market.
Big Foot and Lori ended up arguing over the phone while Artie was laughing his ass off. He said he loves when Big Foot gets sarcastic and says ''I hope you had a good time, it is.'' Lori said that Big Foot really doesn't know how to handle money. Big Foot was talking about living in his car so he can have more of a normal life.
Howard talked about how in love they seemed to be when they were in recently. Big Foot said she wasn't happy until he came in with his money. She was saying that Big Foot can't even rent a room because no one will rent to him. He's had so many problems that people won't rent him a room.
Howard said he didn't understand what was going on here and how it all went so wrong. Howard said that maybe Big Foot was right to be jealous of the E.P. Thing because she is kind of with him now. Lori said that she never did anything with that guy before Big Foot left. Howard took a call from a guy who said that they have to get this show on the air because it's like a great reality TV show. Other guys were calling in and saying that Big Foot has brought a lot to this show. One guy asked Lori what she was thinking getting into this relationship with the guy who has so many problems.
One caller said it sounds like poor Big Foot was played by this chick. He said it sounds like this chick is banging his E.P. who is being paid by Big Foot. She said that's not the way it happened. Big Foot said all she wanted was his money to pay her bills. Lori said she paid the rent, he just paid some utilities because he was living there with her.
Big Foot claims that Lori stole some VCR tapes that he had. She said she has some stuff he left in the back of her car that he can have back. Big foot said he doesn't want to even see her again so he doesn't care about that stuff. Big Foot said he doesn't need to be around people like that. Lori said he's really not good with kids either and brought up that happy smoke blowing incident again.
Howard asked Big Foot about the thumb sucking thing. Big Foot said that's something he's had going on for years. Howard told the two of them to stay away from each other from now on. They're just not right for each other. They were lucky that they found out early in the relationship that they weren't right for each other. Lori kept bringing up the smoke blowing incident and said that's like child abuse. Howard said they had heard that story and started to wrap up the interview. Big Foot then went into an impression of Lori and said all she did was complain during sex.
Howard said that Big Foot had written a song about Lori so he wondered what was going to happen there. Lori said she wanted nothing to do with that. Lori had to get off the phone because her minutes were running out. She was saying goodbye but Big Foot called her a ''fucking whore'' and refused to say anything nice to her. Lori wished him luck and went away nicely while Big Foot was being kind of douchy.
Howard kept Big Foot on the phone and asked him about the overdose he took when he was with Lori. He said he took about 4 trays worth of pills which was about 14 pills per tray. He said he's on everything you can imagine. He was also saying that he may have to move to Africa to find happiness. Artie got a laugh out of that comment. Howard said he thinks that a lot of these problems have to do with him not understanding stuff and also with his instant fame.
Howard said that they may have to look for a female Big Foot for this guy. Big Foot said they're going to have to look hard and deep for someone like that. Howard said that Big Foot fell hard for this chick but now it's water under the bridge. Big Foot said that he spent $1,300 on that chick and this is the way he gets treated. He did it out of the kindness of his heart but she ends up caring more for his E.P. Than for him. Howard said he hears that Howard TV is going to do a Day in the Life type of thing with Big Foot. Big Foot said that would be good and they could see what he gets himself mixed up in.
Big Foot said there's some fighting going on at the place he's staying at right now. He'll probably be moving again soon when he gets a rental car. He said that Howard can choose to believe Lori if he wants. Artie was making fun of Big Foot a little bit and Big Foot didn't seem to like that.
Howard asked Big Foot if he wanted to talk to his old manager Mike. Big Foot said he doesn't want anything to do with him because he claims he owes him $600. Big Foot said they don't want to start that up so he asked Howard not to put him on the air.
Howard asked Big Foot about his family and where his parents are. Big Foot said his parents don't like him and he's the black sheep of the family. He said his brothers and sisters don't care about him either. Howard said he must be the purple sheep of the family because he's so black.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Big Foot and told him to hang in there. He said if he needs to talk to anyone, he should call Gary and talk to him. Howard let him go a short time later. He said the Howard TV guys should drop all other projects and get on the story of Big Foot.
Eric said he's going to keep leaving message after message poking at each and every one of them until they get so pissed that they decide to roast him. He said he's changed and he's not that weak person anymore. He wants to be roasted and he let them know that.
Howard played another message where Eric talks about how he's not that sensitive about the stuff they say about him. He said that they should give him a fuckin break. He pointed out that Howard is the one who gets sensitive when they bring up marriage. Artie is the one who gets sensitive when they bring up Grandma Caprio. He said he's not as sensitive as the rest of them on the show. He told Howard, Robin and Artie to get it through their brains that he's not sensitive.
Howard had Eric on the phone so he asked him if he understands that they're not going to look good if they roast him. Eric said he doesn't give a fuck. Howard told Eric that Artie and Robin had tears rolling down their faces. Howard also said that JD wanted to come in and roast Eric so he let him come in with his jokes. JD said that Eric should be happier than he is.
JD had some lines that he wrote for this roast and started off goofing on Ronnie the Limo Driver. JD had some jokes about him being a whiny douche bag that he hopes gets run over by a bus. JD was laughing through his jokes and wasn't able to deliver his lines. JD didn't even write the stuff himself, that's why he was laughing so much. Some of the jokes didn't make sense so JD said they could ask the person who wrote them.
Howard asked Eric if he ever got to do the Two Finger Split on any chicks. Eric said he never did. Howard said that they have to get this guy laid. They tried to get him to fuck Tabitha Stevens but he refuses to do that. Eric said that she's got more plastic than Barbie. The guys told him it's better than nothing at all though. Artie said he'd fuck Tabitha if he had the chance.
Howard said that if he was asked to bang Pam Anderson or Jenna Jameson he might have to go with Jenna. He wasn't really sure. JD said that Pam is looking better than Jenna these days though. Howard asked JD if he worries about being with a porn star like Kimberly Kane. JD said he does kind of worry but not that much because they do get tested. Artie said that he didn't go down on the stripper he was with over the weekend because he doesn't know where she's been.
Howard asked Artie if they can talk to that stripper. Artie said he wants to talk to that chick first. He doesn't think she wants to come on the air. Artie said that he may be able to set up a ''Guess Who I Banged'' game with a couple of chicks.
Howard told Eric that the Roast is still a ''no.'' Eric threw in a joke about Artie and his grandmother having facial hair. Artie told him he was going to throw him into a spackle bucket. Howard had another voice mail from Eric where he went off on Howard and the listeners. He said that Howard is the pathetic one, not him. Howard asked Eric if he stays up all night leaving these messages. He said he doesn't but that's kind of what it sounds like he's been doing.
Robin pointed out that Eric blew the whole flying with balloons thing, especially after it happened during the Super Bowl pre-game show. Howard had to let Eric go because he was getting bored. He told Eric again that they can't roast him because he's just not good roast material. He said he's seen pictures of Eric and they're heart breaking. He said he's a good guy. Eric said that there are a lot of pictures of him out there and they're photoshopped. Artie said he was looking at one and he looked just like Larry Hagman after the liver transplant. Robin said she looks kind of like Jackie the Joke Man. Fred said he looks like a shrunken head version of Peter Weller, the guy who played Robocop. Eric sat there and took it all in without getting upset.
Howard asked Artie if he thinks they could go through with the roast. Artie wasn't sure they could pull it off for a full hour. It would be brutal.
Howard replayed the call that Richard made to an old woman where he had his voice sped up. Howard played that call yesterday and still laughed at it today while listening. Most of what Richard says is so sped up that the woman can't understand him but she stays on the line through a lot of the call.
Howard said they want to talk to Richard's father because Artie wants to go hunting with him. Artie said he's never killed anything but a fly... and his relationship... So he'd like to go out and do some manly stuff. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard moved on to talk to Richard Christy's father Tom. Howard asked Tom if he could teach Artie how to hunt. Tom said he could do that and it's not that tough to learn how to do it. He said they could try on some quail or squirrel or even some pheasant. Tom said that he doesn't like that gun control stuff because they gotta have them to shoot their food. They have to eat. Howard asked Tom if Artie is too fat to hunt. Tom said there are a lot of fat guys who hunt so Artie should be fine.
Howard asked Tom if he could find some camouflage for Artie. He said they should be able to find something for him. Howard changed subjects and asked Tom if he'd be able to vote for Rudy Giuliani if he ran for President. Tom said he can't vote for anyone who is for gun control. He just can't deal with that. He said he's even got one of them stickers on his truck that says something about bullets first. He didn't know exactly what it said though. Artie said if he had a bumper sticker on his car, he would know exactly what it said.
Howard asked Tom if they'd start out with a big deer for Artie or something like that. Tom said they could start out with some clay pigeons first. Artie said he'd like to start out with some moose or something big like that. Tom said the biggest thing they have out there are deer so that's what they could go hunting for. Howard said he could never shoot a deer. Artie said he could shoot squirrels because they look like little rats.
Howard asked Tom if he could eat a rat. Tom said that doesn't appeal to him but he will eat pigeons. Artie said he could picture going out to get a sandwich and then go out hunting with Tom. Howard said he'd feel too bad shooting something even though he would like to shoot. Artie would have to get a license to hunt but that let to Artie saying that he is a convicted felon so he might not be able to get a license.
Artie said he'd have to check to see if the felony charge was expunged from his record. He said that happened back in 1996 so he's going to have to look into it more. Fred looked it up and found that there are no restrictions about getting a license but he can't carry a gun. Artie wondered what good that was then.
Howard told Ronnie to come in to talk about the hunting he used to do. He asked him to come in without yelling. Ronnie used to hunt with a bow and arrow. Howard figured he was angry but Ronnie said he wasn't. He said he used to shoot rabbits and squirrels with his bow. He was a good shot in the competitions he used to be in. He said that's a real sport when you use a bow and arrow, not a gun.
Richard came in and talked about how he never really brushed his teeth when he was living at home with his parents. Howard told Tom that Richard had 22 cavities when he moved to New York. Tom sounded very surprised by that. Richard said he's getting some work done this week actually.
The guys talked more about Artie's felony charge and tried to figure out if he'd be able to get a gun. Artie said the charge was just for possession of cocaine. Howard thought he was dealing coke or something. Ronnie told Artie that he'll take him to a place to teach him how to shoot a bow if he wants. Artie said he really wants to shoot with a hand gun though. He used to go shoot at the railroad tracks when he was younger. Ronnie said that he used to go upstate to shoot raccoons in a junk yard.
Tom said that he's up for this hunting thing. They could have Artie shoot a .357 at his neighbor's house if he wanted to shoot a hand gun. Tom said that they had some rabbit yesterday as a meal. Howard asked him if he would eat a chipmunk. He said he wasn't sure about that. He wouldn't want to eat a cat either. Robin asked him if he shot a duck, and it lived, would he kill it or keep it alive. Tom said he'd probably kill kit. He said it would be rough to do something like that.
Gary told Howard that this trip is going to be sponsored by an advertiser so Howard had to read the plug. Artie sounded surprised that this whole thing was actually happening. They talked about how dangerous these hunting trips could be. Tom was shot in the foot while hunting one time. Tom said that his brother-in-law shot him when they were hunting for squirrels. He said the squirrel ran by his foot and he ended up getting shot. Howard told Artie that he's going on this trip. Artie said he hasn't been to Kansas in about 8 years but he's looking forward to the clean air out there.
Howard let Tom go and said he heard Ronnie was getting goofed on by Sal and Richard. The Howard TV guys had some video of that so they showed it to everyone on the monitors in the studio. Richard said that they were trying to lure Ronnie out of Scott's studio with some Scores funny money. Howard asked how things are going over there at Scores. Ronnie said everything is fine and they're doing business as usual.
Robin told Artie that if he doesn't want to go out there, she'll go in his place. She was just kidding. Howard said they have Vinnie Mazzeo coming in shortly and he'll get to that after the commercial break.
Gary came in and said that he wanted to make a point. He said that a lot of people who opposed it in the e-mail were saying they wouldn't do it to older kids. Gary said he's not spying on kids that are 17. His son is only 12. Howard said that's old enough that he should let him know what he's doing. Howard said he'd be interested in knowing what his daughter's are emailing but he wouldn't spy on them like that. Gary said his son doesn't get e-mail, it's all instant messages.
Howard read through some of the mail he's gotten about the subject. Some people agreed with Howard and some thought he should let Gary off the hook because he's just trying to protect his kid from the online pervs that are out there. One guy wanted to know what software Gary was using to keep an eye on his kids. He's like to spy on his own kids.
Robin was saying that some of this stuff is done because parents are lazy. Gary said he wanted to know what he should do then. She said that he should limit the kid's time on the computer and be there as he's doing it. Robin said that he should be there while his kid is on the internet. Gary said it's impossible to be there all the time that the kid is on the internet. Howard told him that maybe he should tell his son that he's watching him then. Gary said he can't watch over him the whole time and he's still thinking about telling his son about what he's doing.
Howard said it's almost like Gary wants to catch his son doing something weird. Gary said he started doing this to keep the kid off some of those wacky web sites. Howard read one e-mail from a guy who said that he found out that his 12 year old daughter had an 18 year old offering to show her his penis. That's the kind of stuff parents can find out by spying on them. Gary said if he tells his son what he's doing, that would give him a reason to figure out ways around the software he's using. He's afraid his son will go somewhere else to find the weird web sites if he knows he's keeping an eye on him.
Howard said that Gary is getting off on reading his son's thoughts. Gary said he doesn't read them all, he just reads maybe 1 in 15 of the IMs. Robin wanted to know if Jon Hein's daughters know that he's doing the same thing. Howard said Gary was playing God and that's why he won't tell his son what he's doing. Gary said he thinks that Howard believes that he's God and knows exactly what to do. Howard said that he would be pissed if he knew that a company was reading his e-mails and he wouldn't work for them. Gary said he does work for a company that does that. He said that if they're on the company network, they have the ability to read his mail.
Howard said that if SIRIUS is reading his e-mail without his permission, he will walk out of there. Gary said he can find out in about a half hour if they're doing that. Howard asked Gary why he hasn't told his son about what he's doing. Gary said he's not sure why and he's still thinking about possibly telling him. Gary tried to give his thoughts on all of that but Howard kept interrupting him and didn't let him finish a line.
Gary said that he's going to think about what Howard has said and he may just tell his son what he's doing. Jon Hein walked in so Robin asked him if his daughters know what he does. Jon said they don't know and he's not comfortable telling them what he does. He said he trusts his daughters... Howard interrupted and said he doesn't trust them if he doesn't tell them what he's doing. He said he would tell his kids that he was doing that if he was spying on them. He said he knows they'd hate him for it but he would want to be honest about it.
Jon said he does not read the conversations between his kids and their friends. He only looks at who is talking to his kids. That's it. Howard said he doesn't believe that he doesn't read those messages. Jon said he read only one and realized how wrong it was so that was it.
Artie said that Jon had to have read more than one. Even if it was out of curiosity. Jon said he did read one when he saw that his daughter had spoken to someone he didn't recognize. He said his daughter came to him with that and told him about how she had blocked that person.
Vinnie said he's been doing some escape artist stuff lately and that's what he's learning to do. He took off his hat at one point and Robin sounded very surprised that there was no hair on his head. Howard heard that he's seeing a psychiatrist now. Vinnie said he is seeing someone now. He got divorced and his wife made some accusations and he was forced to go to this guy who is named Dr. Frankenstein (pronounced FrankenSTEEN). Vinnie swears that's his real name too. He said that he was made to go see this doctor because he's got some kind of imbalance.
Howard asked Vinnie about this escape he's going to do today. Vinnie said they're going to chain him up with 36 feet of chain and he's going to escape from it. He had handcuffs that he was going to use but he forgot the keys in his car. Gary said that every time this guy comes here, something goes wrong. He's going to do this stunt and he won't be able to get out of the cuffs.
Howard told Vinnie he's going to let him do this stunt but there has to be a consequence if it doesn't work. He said that if he can't get out of the chains and cuffs in 3 minutes, he has to get tea bagged by Captain Sack (Sal) and Sgt. Cock (Richard). Howard told Vinnie that if he can't get out after 5 minutes, he's going to have Sgt. Cock slap him in the face with his penis.
Vinnie said he thought Howard was going to look at him in a different light. Howard said he claimed he could get out of the chains and if he can't do it, he has to suffer the consequences. Vinnie said that Richard was getting hard looking at him while standing there naked. Howard told Vinnie that if he can escape, he'll get his plugs and no one will be sitting on his face. Sal said he's going to dip his balls in some vanilla pudding at the 1 minute mark. Then he's going to stick his balls in Vinnie's face at the 2 minute mark.
Vinnie was getting upset that they were going to do this to him today. Richard said it should motivate him to actually do what he claims he can do. The guys thought Vinnie was crying over the whole thing but Vinnie swore he wasn't. Gary was chaining up Vinnie as he was talking to Howard about how he didn't want to do this if he was going to get tea bagged.
Sal ended up dipping the vanilla pudding on his balls. Howard told Vinnie he was going to make him a new offer. He said he was going to time this whole thing and make sure he keeps accurate time. He's giving him the 3 minutes to get out of the chains before Sal dips his balls in his face. Sal was lathering up his balls with pudding as that was going on.
Howard gave Vinnie 10 seconds to get ready. Then they let Vinnie start getting out of his chains. He was out within about 3 seconds. Gary said that the handcuffs must be fake ones. Vinnie said they're Smith and Wesson cuffs. Howard said they can't be real. The guys were going to put him in their own cuffs but Vinnie said he wasn't going to do that. He refused to swear that they were real though. Howard said they have to be trick handcuffs. Vinnie would only said that there's no such thing as magic.
Howard read Vinnie's plug for JohnnyPostalTheMovie.com. Gary said that Vinnie cheated and that's the only way he was able to get through this the way he did. Gary wondered why he was whining the way he was if he knew he was going to get out of that stuff so easy. Vinnie said they had him tied up very tight. Gary told Vinnie he's a professional retard. Howard gave him another plug saying you can e-mail him at ComicOnFire@aol.com.
Gary said the guys were saying that Vinnie could have struggled for a minute or so before getting out of that stuff but he's such a poor showman that he didn't even do that. Howard told Vinnie he likes him a lot and didn't want him going away upset. He took a call from a guy who said this was the worst bit he's ever heard. The guy showed up with fake handcuffs and it was very obvious. Gary said he watched the replay and they saw that he was wearing break away handcuffs. Howard told Vinnie he should get tea bagged just for that.
Howard said that Vinnie was crying but Vinnie said he really wasn't. He looked right at Howard and told him he wasn't crying at all. Ronnie came in so Sal tried to tea bag him. Howard told him to stop it about 10 times but he wouldn't listen. Ronnie ended up choking him so Sal said it felt like he was getting choked by Gary Coleman.
Howard calmed everyone down and wrapped up with Vinnie. Vinnie said he was just looking for a little respect. Sal told him he was a regular David Blaine. Vinnie tried to shoot back with some digs of his own but they didn't go over very well.
Howard wondered what was on Sal's ass when he saw him walking out. He had some red stuff on there. The guys said that Ronnie almost killed Sal when he was attacked. Artie said Ronnie did what any man should do when a guy comes at you with his cock out. He almost choked him to death. The guys said that Sal didn't have the balls to do that to Shaggy 2 Dope when he was in there.
Gary said that it's possible that other people are going to be close to Artie's weight. Artie said he was getting close to 300 pounds though so that's going to be hard to beat.
Steve Langford got back to his news rundown and said that Artie told the audience that he would deny ever saying any of that stuff. Steve also said that they have a story about attorney Jack Thompson. They'll also be talking about this 3 foot person who flew with balloons during the Cirque de Soleil pre-game show before the Super Bowl. They'll get some comments from Eric the Midget about that.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his show preview. Jon ran down some of the stuff that they'll be covering today on The Wrap Up Show. They'll be covering all of the big stories that happened during today's show. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said the guy wants to call into the show and talk about Christianity is still out there and that God loves everyone. Howard said he might just talk to that guy.
Ralph called in and wanted to get back on the Gary thing. Howard told him he's done with that and the show is getting late so maybe he should call The Wrap Up Show instead.
Howard had Robin start her news. They ended up talking about Johnny Knoxville getting divorced and how that really wasn't a big surprise to anyone. Howard also played some audio of David Spade talking about his relationship with Heather Locklear on David Letterman's show recently. Spade was also on Ellen Degeneres' show avoiding talking about his relationship with Heather. He wouldn't even mention her name. The guys all found that kind of weird the way he was avoiding the question like he was the lesbian and couldn't admit to being with another woman.
Howard and the guys tried analyzing what was going on with David and Heather. Howard said he'd have to get out of a relationship if the woman was so embarrassed by him that she didn't want him talking about their relationship even though they've been photographed all over the place constantly.
Howard mentioned that they have a picture of Sal being choked by Ronnie the Limo Driver up on his web site that's pretty funny.
Howard read through some e-mail during the news. Someone wrote in and said that he brought some cupcakes for Artie when he saw him out in Vegas. There were some others who wrote in about Artie's Vegas shows. There were also some e-mails about their conversations about Prince's performance during the half-time show. Some people thought his guitar sounded fine, others thought he was pissed and threw the guitar off the stage at the end of the show. Someone thought that Fred should stop commenting on that kind of stuff because he really has no idea what it's like to play in a stadium like that. Howard took some abuse about the whole Prince thing too. Some people told him that Prince isn't as great as he made him out to be.
Scott Ferrall called in and told Howard that Artie didn't just leave the cupcakes that were thrown up on stage on his stool. He said he gulped down some Jack and water and then whipped the cupcake into the crowd. Howard thanked Scott for the call and told him what a great job he's doing with his show.
Howard took a call from a guy doing an impression of weatherman Lloyd Lindsay Young who they used to deal with when they were doing their show over at Channel 9. Howard asked Lloyd to sing for them because he knew it was Sour Shoes the one man band. Sour Shoes broke into a Tears for Fears song and then got back into his Lloyd Lindsay Young impression. Howard told him he had to get going after that. Artie said that guy Lloyd was really fun to watch on TV but that reference was pretty obscure.
Robin continued on with her news and Howard wrapped up the show around 11:05am. Artie got in a quick plug for an appearance he's making at The Rail on Main in Bound Brook, NJ tomorrow night from 6-8pm.
Howard started off the show talking about the fun they were having already just 2 minutes into the show. He said he promised to play the phony phone call that Richard made where he sped up his voice so that's what he did right away. After playing the call he said that Richard and Sal were prank calling a tele-psychic who put a curse on them the last time they called. Now they take people's phone numbers when they call the show but that didn't stop Richard and Sal. The guy ended up giving out their phone number on the air but they didn't care about that. They've only gotten about 3 phone calls because of that.
Howard played that phone call where they call Morris and he recognizes Richard. Richard asks when his balls are go... and gets cut off. Howard said that was one of the first calls they took on the show. They hung up on him immediately. Sal then called in and got cut off immediately. Morris, the host, said that maybe they have their phone numbers to give out. He takes another call which is an intern who gets through for a few seconds until Sal gets on and screams out that Grandma Caprio has a beer bottle stuck in her pussy. Morris threatens to give out their phone number. Then they take another call but hang up on the woman before she can get out her joke. Morris then says he wants to give out their number. He reads it off and asks them how they like that. He tells his fans to call that number at all times of the day. Howard said there were only 3 people who called so it didn't do much of anything.
Howard played another call where Richard called a show and told the host that he's had a change in his life recently. He discovered he can lick his own asshole. They hang up on him immediately of course. The host says that he may just have to drop this stuff and stop taking phone calls. Howard said that when these guys make phony phone calls they have people running around like crazy to make the calls happen.
Eric said he wants the news team to stop calling his parents house because he doesn't live there anymore. He also asked if they replay Beth's show ''Casino Cinema'' more than once a week. He wanted to see Diana Degarmo on the latest episode but he missed it. Howard said he remembers Beth telling him she was on but he forgot to tell Eric. He said he might be able to get a tape of it. Eric said he'd like a tape of that. Howard said he'd see what he could do to get one for him.
Howard said he really doesn't mind doing him a favor. Then he asked Eric if he left a message for them yesterday. He played the call that they had edited where they had Eric saying he takes it in the butt and he wants to eat Robin's cock. Eric said that wasn't him but the guys said that it sounded like him. Howard said it was actually Dan the Song Parody Man who had edited it. Howard said it's scary how they can make it sound so real. Eric wasn't happy with that so Howard pointed out that there's no way he could handle a roast if he can't handle that.
Howard had a clip of a prank call from last year when they had him believing that he might be able to meet Diana Degarmo. They threw in some references to flying during the discussion and talked about his height, then did some calculations and told him it would be 750 balloons. Eric went off on them thinking it was Sal and Richard.
Gary said that JD has a copy of Casino Cinema but he hates Eric so he wants him to say ''I love big, black cock'' to get the tape. Howard told Gary to just send him the tape. Eric wasn't going to say that. JD came in and said he's really not going to send him that tape unless he says ''I like big, black cock.'' Eric said he could find another way to get the tape if JD won't send it to him. By that time Howard, Gary and JD had all said ''I like big, black cock.'' Eric still didn't want to say it though.
Howard told Eric he's going to send him the tape anyway. Eric then asked Howard if he wanted to do a NASCAR 101 show to teach the fans what the sport is about. Howard isn't interested, he said they can listen to the NASCAR channel if they want to know more. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go. He told him that Siobhan has been saying that he should be roasted. He took a call from her and Siobhan said she thinks that it's discriminatory of them not to roast him. She suggested that the Wack Pack roast him instead of them doing it. She said she had a joke and screwed up the line as she was saying something about how a cat that Eric's parents had gotten him tried to bury Eric in it's litter box. Howard thanked her for the call and was going to let her go.
Siobhan asked if she could sit in on some creative meetings there. Howard told her that wasn't going to happen. She asked if she could send in some ideas so Howard told her to send it to Artie. She asked for an address she could send it to. Artie gave her this e-mail address... ''artie@babygorilla./.org corporate_jerseyboys/.com'' which made absolutely no sense.
Eric asked Artie if he was full of shit with that address. He obviously didn't get that it was a joke. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard got the joke eventually but didn't have the whole conversation to play. Artie said he's glad Robin got the joke, it would have been hard for him to explain. Howard had another clip from the Wrap Up Show where Sal claims that he created magic on the show with his balls being rubbed on Ronnie. Sal said he can sense when Howard needs something to be done on the show and he and Will turned the Vinnie Mazzeo segment into magic.
Howard said he thought a mic was open in the studio or something but it turned out to be Robin's printer. He told her to get rid of that thing already.
Howard said he was listening to Bubba's show yesterday and he was talking about trying to get off the Ambien and how tough that's been. He said Bubba doesn't realize that he's staying awake so much because of the other pills he's taking. Howard said he could listen to Bubba all day long with that stuff. Robin said he's been talking about how he thinks the Feds are opening his mail and going through it.
Howard said Bubba took a call from a guy who asked Bubba why he doesn't talk about Clear Channel the way he wanted to. Bubba claims he's got a lawsuit going and they're tying him up with that stuff. Howard said he's heard those stories and no one is missing anything but it's very funny to hear him talking about it on the air. Robin said that Bubba is in love with Lisa Lampanelli since she started coming on the show. He asked her if she wanted to beat a black guy on the show when she was on the other day. She said that Lisa went through with it even though she was kind of uncomfortable with it.
Artie asked if Lisa went out on a date with 25 Cent. Robin said Lisa rejected the guy and 25 Cent got upset and walked off the show so Bubba was ready to fire him.