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Howard started off the show talking about how they had a lot to talk about after their week long vacation. Robin said they should never take off because so much stuff goes on while they're away. Howard said he had a lot of stuff to talk about this morning including the Academy Awards which aired last night. Howard said it was kind of boring with none of the big awards being given away in the first hour and a half.
Howard said he watched that but wanted to comment about the big merger between XM and SIRIUS. He said Mel Karmazin is even coming in to talk about the merger with the. He got back to the Academy Awards and commented on Ellen Degeneres' awful outfit on the show. He said she seems to like to dress like a man but she dresses like David Arquette on his way to a Halloween party. She was wearing big duck shoes and you'd think that she'd have some taste. She doesn't know what to wear according to Howard. He said she's really like a guy who doesn't have any clue what to wear out.
Howard said Ellen is the manliest broad he knows. He said it was like she showed up in her pajamas. Artie said it was almost like she was goofing on the awards by dressing like that. Howard said it's really uncomfortable to watch someone like that. He said it's like she's a bad cross-dresser. It's like she just has no idea what to do. Artie said that Jack Nicholson should grow any hair he has left on his head back because he was bald. Howard said he's apparently doing that for a movie role. Artie didn't know that so he was relieved to hear that.
Howard said he was glad to see Alan Arkin win an award until he saw his speech. He was then looking forward to seeing Eddie Murphy's speech instead. Howard said it really was nice that Alan won finally though. He then went on to talk about Will Smith's kid and wondered how he gets into that condition. He said the kid is really like his parents in the way he's been groomed for show business.
Robin saw a guy on the red carpet who was extremely black. The guy, Andre something, from Vogue magazine, made Will Smith look white. Howard said that he was also glad to see that Martin Scorsese finally won an Academy Award. He read through a list of the movies he was nominated for and didn't win. He said that ''Dances with Wolves'' beat ''Goodfellas.'' Then ''Rocky'' beat ''Taxi Driver.'' Howard and the guys talked about that stuff for a short time.
Gary said that they seemed to be rushing people through their speeches last night. They also had some interpretive dancers doing movie scenes and that was very weird. Artie said they always do some gay stuff on that show. Artie said they also run that show really late and he doesn't get why people complain about the World Series running late when this show runs so late.
Artie said he thought Ellen had a couple of good jokes last night but not all that many. They spent a short time talking about her and some of the stuff she was doing last night. Howard took a call from a guy who brought up her outfit again so they got back to that. Howard said he's surprised that no one goofed on it during the show last night.
Howard said that XM made some mistakes with their business and SIRIUS made some very good decisions which made the two companies equal. He said that the NAB (National Association of Broadcasters) is looking to block the merger. They don't want to see satellite be successful even though they're broadcasters as well. There was one guy saying that any industry that makes Howard Stern it's poster child should not be rewarded. Howard talked about how ridiculous that argument is. It shows that they're thinking about him constantly though. Howard said he's hoping this merger goes through and he'd love to broadcast to both audiences. He said they have about 8 million subscribers and SIRIUS has almost 7 so it'll be great to have that many listeners.
Howard read that Oprah Winfrey being signed on to XM actually led to their subscriptions going down after she went on. Howard also brought up the mistake that XM made by giving away Opie and Anthony to terrestrial radio. He wondered why anyone would subscribe to hear their show if they make it free on terrestrial radio. It's a weird thing and he's not sure why they would do something like that when it should be exclusive content.
Howard said the weird thing is that when satellite radio was created, there was no iPod. The industry is shifting daily and there are many things competing with satellite radio. They should be allowed to merge because there really is so much competition out there. If they don't, they're going to bankrupt the companies. Howard said if the merger doesn't go through though, he thinks that SIRIUS will still crush XM.
Howard said he was actually surprised by that merger news, he had no idea. Robin assumed he knew but Howard said they really can't tell him that stuff so he really didn't know anything about that. Robin said that she got the news and was very surprised to hear it as well.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they're going to raise the rates when they do merge. Howard said he's pretty sure that they may just lower the rates. He said that they won't have to buy duplicate talent and they won't have as much advertising so it's possible that they could lower the rates. Howard didn't want to be quoted on that but that's what he's assuming. Artie said he'd think the same thing and the rates would go down. Howard said they'll have to ask Mel later when he comes in.
Howard thinks that it would be cool to have one strong company if they do end up merging. Robin said people are going to benefit either way. If the rates don't go down, they will get more content. Howard said that they'd have a ton of content if the merger does happen. It can only be good. Robin said she read that people are going to get to choose the content they want so it should work out nicely.
The guys talked about the NAB and how they're looking to benefit only terrestrial radio. They want to get rid of iPods and satellite radio. They seem to be fixated on satellite radio even though there's TV and other media out there that competes with them as well. Howard said he still thinks the company will do well even if the merger doesn't go through.
Howard said that if the FCC doesn't approve the merger, they're going to be bankrupting at least one of the companies. The caller Howard had on the line asked if he could get a tour up there. Artie told him it was going to cost him $80. Howard said that what he'd like to see happen is for anyone who subscribes to satellite radio, they should have access to a bunch of radios for the one price.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's not looking forward to any of the stuff that they have on XM. Howard said that the programming over there at XM is basically a duplicate of what's on SIRIUS except for him. He's the one thing that they're lacking over there. If the merger happens, they'll have him.
The caller was this guy Mark who calls in often so Howard and Artie talked to him a little bit. Artie knew him because he won a trip to the Playboy mansion with him. He said this guy can really party. Howard got back to the picture that was on SFN. He went down to Miami and got there a little late because he got sick on the weekend. He said he got down by Tuesday after suffering through the stomach virus he got. Artie said he got sick again over the vacation as well.
Howard said he was wearing a big floppy hat down there in Miami. He figured he got away with it but he was wrong. He said he talked to Ross Zaipen who saw the picture of him walking on the beach. He figured they were goofing on him but Ross said they were being nice. Then Beth worried about what they were saying about her. She asked him to go take a look to see what they were saying about her. Howard said they're really vicious on there so he started reading the comments about him. He said he's still in good shape and he doesn't understand why they goof on him like they do over there.
Howard said they were commenting about how he's a typical old man even though you can't see his face in the picture. He said he already knows that he's weird looking and it doesn't really bother him all that much. He said that they were talking about just staying engaged for a long time instead of planning a wedding. He said that's why he likes Beth, she doesn't hound him for that stuff. He said she loves that engagement ring he got her, she's constantly staring at it. He said she's just smiling while looking at the ring all the time.
Mark told Howard that he's getting kind of nervous with his merger thing. Howard said he's kind of getting nervous as well and he's not sure he wants a bigger audience. He said he doesn't want any pressure because he though he was in semi-retirement over there. Mark said it's great that he doesn't have to worry about ratings anymore. Howard said there was an article that David Hinkley wrote the day after the merger announcement that said he doesn't have any influence on radio anymore. The whole merger thing was probably partially due to him being signed to SIRIUS and yet they say he has no influence. He said he must have screwed David Hinkley over in a big way somehow. Robin pointed out that Howard's name was being mentioned in every article and news report about the possible merger.
Howard said they have a whole list of specials that they're working on for the next 4 years there at SIRIUS. Mark said that the whole thing was very well thought out last week and they did a great job. Mark said that Artie seemed to be in a really bad mood during that music special. Artie said he didn't even remember when he did those interviews.
Artie said that he caught a segment during that Billy West thing where Fred and Billy were both doing their Raymond Burr impressions. Howard said Fred used to do a lot of that stuff when he could riff off of someone. He said it used to happen a lot when Billy was there but now he doesn't do it at all. Howard said the three of them, Fred, Billy and Jackie, worked really well together. Artie said that when they were goofing on Conan O'Brien, it was great. Howard said he would really welcome Billy back if he could come in sometime.
Howard spent a little time talking about how Billy thinks he got screwed over back when he was working there at K-Rock. He wasn't feeling the love from them at the time. Then he moved out to L.A. To get work out there. Artie said another great segment was when they had the creator of Ren and Stimpy on the show to confront Billy. Howard didn't remember the story so Artie filled him in on that. They went over that whole thing and talked about how uncomfortable it sounded. Gary came in and gave more details about that whole segment.
Howard and the guys talked about some of the Jackie tapes as well. Howard said he loves Jackie but he was a handful back then. He said it gives him nightmares thinking back to that stuff. Gary said that Jackie really laughed hard at his own jokes and he could hear him laughing at lyrics in song parodies and stuff. That led to Fred playing a bunch of Jackie laughs that he had in his collection. He played a ton of various laughs because he has so many different ones. They were talking about the song parody ''The Boy with Horse Teeth'' that America had sung about Gary and how Jackie was laughing his ass off at the jokes he wrote for that song.
The guys were talking about how Jackie's wife was also his manager back then and Artie said that's the worst. When you get the worst aspects of a wife and the worst of a manager, that's an evil villain right there.
The caller Howard had on the line was talking about the new channels they have there at SIRIUS like the Sinatra channel and that black guy... Jaime Foxx. The guy also said he noticed that channels 98 and 99 were missing so he was wondering if that had something to do with the meeting Howard had recently. Howard said he doesn't know anything about that.
Another caller told Howard that they ran an old interview with Snoop Dogg that was great. That got Howard talking about the specials they're running and how they're working on one called ''The History of The Howard Stern Show'' that will be a 2 week long special. The caller said that the stuff last week was really great. He wondered if they're trying to get Billy back on the show. Howard said Billy is welcome to come in anytime but he's very successful and maybe sometime in the future he will come in.
The guy on the phone asked how he can become a regular caller because he does call in pretty often. The guys told him to just keep calling in. Robin figured he wanted a special name or something. Artie got a laugh out of that whole thing and thought his question about how to become a regular caller was kind of funny.
Howard took a call from Bong Hit Eric and asked him how he became a regular caller. Bill said that Howard gave him his name after he called in and took a hit off his bong. He said his name isn't even Bill, it's Josh. Howard didn't know that and that was a little history right there. Artie said that if Howard gives you a name, you just stick with it and that's that. Howard asked Bill/Josh if he thinks you should just roll with it if you get a name like that. Bill said he thinks that it may not have worked if he was called ''Bong Hit Josh.'' He said no one in his real life calls him Bill and he hasn't thought about changing his name. Robin said he has an alter-ego and he can be Bill or Josh if he doesn't want to be one or the other.
Bong Hit Bill said the one good thing about the merger is if they bring over the Grateful Dead channel over there. Robin and Howard said they're going to get rid of that stuff but they were just joking around.
Howard said he asked the manager how he was supposed to sleep. The manager, who was Chinese or something, told him that he might hear a little noise. Howard said he knew that it was going to be more than a little noise though. He said there are a lot of families who stay there so he's not sure why they'd do something like that.
Howard said he called his travel agent and asked to get a new hotel so he could get some sleep. He tried to book a room but the manager came to him and told him that they'd move his room to the other side of the building. They did that for him just for that night. Artie said he knows what he means because he's had the same problem down there. He said he had to take a break a short time later.
Howard said he's gotten wedding invitations from people he doesn't even know and he thinks they're just fishing for gifts.
Howard said Tim Sabean has something going on with Chubby Checker. He heard that Tim had passed along a Chubby Checker CD trying to get them to play it on the show. Howard said he would never play that stuff on his show and Tim should know that. Tim apparently knows the guy because he used to live near him. Tim said he ran into Chubby at the gym out near his house and the guy asked him to come out and listen to the CD in his car. Tim said Chubby asked him to pass along the CD to Howard so that's what he did. He said the sound is different for him.
Howard played some of the Chubby Checker CD and said it really wasn't too bad. He got back to Tim and talked to him about the possible merger. Tim said he loves working at that place so it's going to be great either way. He said he gets paid to come to work where he has a great time and that's the best. Tim sounded very happy and was laughing at everything.
The guys were talking about how Bubba has it made down at his studios in Tampa. Howard talked about how weird Bubba is sometimes like when he was talking about how he likes getting a hand job and titty fucking better than regular sex.
Howard played a little more of the Chubby CD and asked Tim what kind of car they were listening to the CD in. Tim said he thinks it was a Volkswagen. Howard asked him if the tires exploded when they got in the car. Tim said Chubby was talking to him about losing weight and he was telling him to avoid soda and juice and things like that.
Howard mentioned that Gilbert Gottfried got married while they were away. Howard said he wasn't invited so he didn't get to see that. Howard thanked Tim for giving them the Chubby Checker update and told him to come back in another 40 years for another one.
Howard and the guys ended up talking about other jobs that people take and just do whatever they have to do. They spent some time talking about some deejays like Jim Kerr and Meg Griffin. Meg would actually leave radio stations if she couldn't play the music she wanted to play. Howard said she has integrity and he has to give that to her. Other people, like Jim Kerr, will do any announcing job. Fred said he saw him show up at a skating rink where he was at and after he was done, he just left.
Lisa G said that there's a new web site called WhosDatedWho.com where they show some of the people Howard has dated. She mentioned a couple of names like Carmen Electra and Gina Gershon but Howard said he never dated either of them but he does know them.
Mel said that even if the merger doesn't go through, they could still be a very successful company. Mel told Howard that before he started, they only had about 600,000 subscribers. XM had about 2.5 million at that time. They had almost 4 times the amount. Ever since Howard signed on, they've added over 5 million while XM has added about the same. Things have evened out over the past couple of years.
Mel said that their stock was at $9 for a while and XM was up at $40 a while ago but both have dropped down quite a bit. He said that he started the merger talks with them when the stock was still up there. He said things have come down since then and both companies need each other at this time. He said the only way to get the savings is to have the two of them sharing. He said that right now they're in a position where the two companies are a 50/50 split. He said that each company is worth about 50 percent of the $13 billion deal.
Howard asked what the catalyst was that made the merger happen. Mel said that the stock prices have gotten so low that they couldn't ignore it anymore. Howard said that if the government doesn't approve this deal, it could bankrupt one company. Mel said that they wouldn't have announce the deal if they didn't think that they could get it approved. He said they have lawyers who have been going through this stuff and they really think that it can happen.
Mel said that they are competing with terrestrial radio and that's pretty obvious. The NAB, which is paid for by the broadcasters, have been talking out against satellite radio. He said that they're competing against 10,000 radio stations and other things like iPods. The argument for the two companies combining is that satellite doesn't have radios available to everyone like terrestrial radio does.
Robin asked Mel about the merging of the two companies and how the FCC might deny it happening because it might be a monopoly. Mel thinks that they can still make it happen even with that.
Howard asked Mel what the deal is if they do merge and what kind of benefits they will have. Howard wondered if the prices would go down. Mel said that it's possible that they would go down. Mel said that they're competing with a free service so they might just have to lower the prices. He said they need to get the 90 percent of the people out there who aren't subscribing to see that it's worth it. He said that if the two companies were one, they would have so much content that people would have a great choice to go to. He said that people won't have to buy a new radio either. He said whatever radio it is they have will not become obsolete. They will negotiate through contracts and they'll take stuff and add it to each other's systems when they can do that.
Howard said that if the merger dos happen, his show would be available on XM. Mel said that is the case and they would be able to listen to Howard on either service for just the one price. Howard said he was driving with someone down in Florida and the guy's car had XM in it. He used to look at that and think that he hated it, but now he likes that people are just into satellite.
Mel thinks that after the merger happens, they'll be able to come up with some cool new products that will work with each other. They can combine many of the services that each company has and they'll be able to cut the costs of running them when it happens. Robin asked if they can actually run two companies. Mel went on to tell Robin that there are some exclusive contracts with car companies and with content providers so that stuff will have to be dealt with.
Mel said that each of the companies have advertising and it will be a good thing when they can go to advertisers and tell them that they have over 13 million subscribers to advertise to. Howard asked Mel where they were holding these meetings and stuff. Mel said he had them over to his apartment and that's where they would go over all of this stuff. He said that things didn't work out for a very long time because there were arguments over who was going to get 55 percent of the company and who was going to get 45 percent. Mel said that XM was arguing that they had more subscribers and more deals with car companies. Mel said SIRIUS argued that they had better content and were growing faster. Mel said that at the end of the day it was a 50/50 deal. Mel will be the CEO of the company and Mel said that both boards agreed on that whole thing. He said he would have been happy to step aside if that wasn't acceptable to them.
Howard asked Mel when this merger could actually happen. Mel said that they made the announcement last week and went right over to the FCC and spoke to each of the five main guys there. He said they talked about why this is a different big merger for media companies. He said they had some good arguments and he's hoping that they'll work to get them to vote in their favor. Howard asked him if he thinks that someone could get to those five guys and stop this from happening. Mel said he doesn't think anyone is going to pay them off or anything like that. He said he knows that he's trying his hardest to make it happen so even if it doesn't, he knows he gave it his best.
Mel said that he remembers that SIRIUS was a member of the NAB years ago but they were dumped eventually because they were afraid of satellite competing with terrestrial radio stations. Howard said he is kind of scared that there are so many people who can sit and muck this whole thing up. He said it could end up killing it for everyone. He wanted to know what Mel thinks is the real probability that it will happen. Mel said there are some anti-trust issues but he thinks that would pass the Justice Department. The odds there are very good according to Mel. He said that they then have to go to the FCC and they're hoping that they can make the arguments that this is right. He said the odds there are better than 50 percent according to Mel.
Mel said it is a possibility that this won't go through. Howard asked if one of the companies went bankrupt, could the other take it over. Mel said he can't imagine that happening right now but the way the industry changes, it could eventually happen. Mel also talked about how every car company is starting to put in iPod adapters. He said they didn't go out and lobby against that like the NAB did against satellite radio. Howard said that the NAB recently commented about how any industry that has Howard Stern as a poster boy doesn't deserve any favors. He thinks that's ridiculous.
Howard asked when they're going to have a final decision about this. Mel said that they're hoping it will go through the process and no politicians are going to try and stop it. He said he's going to testify down in Washington DC very soon. By Tuesday of last week he was already being asked to come down there to testify. Robin asked who they actually need to approve it. Mel said it's the Justice department and the FCC. That's it.
Howard asked if they're going to cover any of this stuff on TV. Mel said he's not sure if C-Span is going to be covering it or not. He said he does like being able to get the story out and he thinks that they would be able to compete against other music products if they are one company.
Dominic Barbara called in and asked if they could take this to court if it is rejected. Mel said that they could but it would take very long to do it and that might not be the best thing for them. Howard said he's actually looking forward to this and if it does get rejected, he's going to be kind of deflated. Howard accidentally hung up on Dominic so he asked Gary to get him back on the line.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Mel is going to retain the CEO title. Howard answered ''yes'' for him. He also asked if they're going to try and get Adam Carolla once they do merge. Howard said that's what the whole deal is about, getting Adam Carolla. Mel said that he never understood the sharing of services with terrestrial radio. Robin pointed out that they do that on XM with a certain show (O&A) and wondered what would happen to that show. Mel said that they would honor their contract of course.
Artie had a question for Mel... but it was about the vending machine there on the 37th floor. He was wondering if they were going to offer the same products in both vending machines there. Mel said that they may not be able to keep the prices of the food in the vending machines low.
Howard said that they offer free pretzels there and he begged Mel not to put a stop to that. Mel said he hasn't made any changes yet but it does bother him when he sees it. He said he just hasn't figured out a way to take that away yet.
Howard said that Mel once showed him a restaurant that they had over at CBS that he closed down because it was just for the executives over there. He doesn't like stuff like that.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked what they're going to call the company. Mel said they haven't committed to anything like that yet. He isn't sure what it'll be yet. Robin suggested ''SeXM.'' Mel said he can't imagine changing it to a new name because they have so much invested in the two names. Howard said that SIRIUS is more recognizable but he can imagine XM wanting to call it XM.
Howard said they went to the Wack Pack and asked them what they would call the company. He had tape of it so he played through that. First up was Wendy the Retard who suggested ''Jessica.'' Blue iris suggested ''Howard Stern'' while Riley Martin suggested ''SIRIUM.'' King of All Blacks suggested ''Surge.'' Jeff the Drunk said he didn't give a flying fuck and didn't have a name. Mel said that those were all good names.
Howard said he would like ''Howard Stern'' as the name of the company but he's really just happy with the two channels being named after him. He figures that he should just lay low for a while and not do anything stupid. Mel said that anyone thinking about buying a radio shouldn't hesitate. If the deal does happen, the radios will not become obsolete.
Mel said that they are starting the process today and they are working on everything to get the merger on a roll. He said within the next month they will have filed the paperwork to do the merge. It could take as little as 3-4 months to make it happen. Or it could take between 6-9 months if things are slowed. They're hopeful that they'll have regulatory approval by the end of the year. Mel said there are some concerns that could come up during the discussions that could slow the process down. They will do what they have to to make that deal happen.
A caller told Howard that he went through a big media company merger and it did nothing but screw over the employees. Mel said that they've only been around for a few years so they don't even have all that many employees to lose so it shouldn't be an issue.
Howard asked Mel who he told about this deal and what their reactions were. Mel said that he told his wife about it only because she knew what was going on. He said that he did feel good about it and felt so good that he didn't even need to have sex when it came about.
Howard asked if it was true they were only going to hire people who are allergic to pretzels. Mel joked about that a little bit. Howard told him not to take any drugs or anything that might make him screw up the whole thing. Mel said that won't be a problem. He said it is hard to sleep while thinking about this stuff and testifying in front of congress.
Mel said that he was even nervous about coming on the show today because he's only been on two other times. Howard told Mel he did a good job today and then told Mel that if he's not on top of his game, he could really screw up this whole thing for shareholders, all of the people at SIRIUS and XM and all of their employees. Howard said that anyone else would be fired for failing in this effort and he wasn't trying to give him more pressure.
Howard said that Mel is the best arguer that he's ever met. He said he's had to take medication after arguing with Mel so he knows that first hand. He thinks that Mel will be able to argue that this merger is a good thing. Artie said he thinks that if you put Mel in a room with Ted Nugent, Ted would come out the head of PETA. Howard told Mel that they should make it so Mel has to get tea bagged by Sal and Richard if he doesn't make this merger happen. Mel said that motivated him right there.
Mel was telling Howard how nice it was to hear that he and Beth were engaged. Howard asked Mel if he thinks he should have been out banging more or if settling down was better. Mel said he thinks that being with just one person is better. Robin said Mel was basically saying that he didn't like the show when he was out banging a lot of chicks. Mel was kind of heading in that direction.
Mel was talking about how serious this whole thing is going to be down in Washington DC. Howard then suggested that he tell some jokes or wear a dress when he goes to testify. Mel said that he's very nervous now thinking about wearing a dress. Howard said that would be the greatest story of all time if he showed up in a dress and high heels. Artie said it would be great if he went in and did a Don Rickles thing and told them to ''Listen up dummies...'' Mel said he thinks he's gotten enough advice from them this morning.
Mel said that this deal will mean that customers will have more choices at a lower cost. Artie also reminded everyone that if they buy a radio now, it won't change when the merger happens. They'll be able to get what they want either way.
Howard congratulated Mel on the whole thing and said that it's very exciting. He said this is a big moment right now and it's really great news. He said that he'll be able to tell his grandkids someday about this day. Howard told Mel that he's a pioneer, a visionary and he's taking a business that wasn't considered a business by some, and turning it into a big business. He told Mel to go down to Washington DC and do his thing. He said he had to go to break but he spent a little time talking to Mel about his trip down to Washington DC on Wednesday. Howard was afraid that he wasn't going to get there in time but Mel assured him it would be fine. He was going to head down there at 5 in the morning for a 3pm meeting. He said if he gets there the day before, he's not going to sleep. If he gets there any earlier he's going to be too aggressive too so he doesn't want that. Howard is afraid that congress will look at him poorly if he doesn't show up on time. Mel said he will figure out how to get there on time. He told Howard not to worry.
Robin reminded Artie that he once slept through a very important meeting. Artie said that actually got him even more money so Mel took that as meaning he should blow off this thing and maybe that would mean the deal would go through. Howard said that they might have to have Eric the Midget sit next to Mel while he testifies. That little guy gets a lot of sympathy and it might help his case. Mel said he has the feeling that the head of the NAB is going to be sitting next to him and it might just turn into a debate instead.
Howard told Mel that if he does a good job down there, they're going to have a Scores party for him. He said what they really need to do is get the FCC guys in compromising positions with young boys. Mel made sure that everyone knew it was Howard making that suggestion. Howard wished Mel luck and said that everyone is behind him. He asked him to please do the right thing and then went to break.
Howard took a call from a guy who was calling in for the first time without having much to say. The guy's mother walked into the room and he lied to her about being on the phone with Howard Stern. He told her that he was on the phone with the cable company. The guy said it was a close call and she wouldn't be happy that he was listening. He's 23 years old! The guy said he has to hide what he does because he's still living at home. He said his mother doesn't even want him to move out.
The caller said he makes about $100 every two weeks working on the internet a little bit. The guy said he's addicted to the show and he listens all the time. Howard asked the guy if his mother found out that he was listening to the show, would she tell him to go out and get a job or something. He didn't really answer. He said they don't know that he sits there and listens to the show all day. They think he works online and makes money all day.
Howard asked the guy about how his parents treat him when he's 23 and living at home. He said his father used to treat him like crap until he started making some money on the web. The guy said he does give his mother money once in a while and it's kind of awkward for him to do that. The guy said that he had to shit and piss right then but he was on hold and didn't want to get off the phone. He said if he could get on the show, he'd shit into a bucket and pour it on his head.
The caller said that he whacks off five times a day. He said he's a virgin too but he's a virgin by choice. He said he's not a homo though, he loves chicks. Howard asked him about where he whacks off and found out that he does it in his room. He beats off and cums under his desk and stuff. He said there are spots all over the place under his desk.
Howard asked him what the furthest he's gotten with a chick. He said he's gotten head from a chick and he's been asked to bang chicks before. He said he's a virgin because he was a religious guy and that's why he was avoiding it. The guy asked how he could get to be a routine caller. Howard told him to call in routinely. The guy wanted Howard to give him a name but they weren't able to come up with anything for him.
The caller said that he wakes up at 6 in the morning and listens to every minute of the show. Then he takes a nap and then goes out to get something to eat. Howard asked him how he makes money on the web. He said he makes it with banner ads on the web. He didn't elaborate on that but said it works out to about $50 a week.
Howard asked him more about having sex and found that he once tried to fuck his cat about 5 years ago. He said he got the mushroom tip in there. Howard told him that's a pretty sick thing right there. Howard asked him in what religion fucking a cat is right while fucking a chick is wrong. The guy's excuse was that Colin Quinn had done it. (Colin never fucked a cat). Howard said he doesn't understand fucking a cat. He asked the guy if his mother knows that he did that. The guy said his mother would kill him if she did that. Howard finally came up with a name for the guy. He told him that when he calls in he has to call himself ''Captain Cat Fucker.'' The guy seemed to like that name. Howard told him he should be a little ashamed of that whole thing. Howard let the guy go a short time later and said goodbye to Captain Cat Fucker.
Howard had the guys bring in Mr. Skin to do his Mr. Skin's Anatomy Awards thing. Howard said everyone looks forward to this every year. Mr. Skin got right into it and talked about Helen Mirren doing some stuff many years ago. Back in 1969 she had big, real tits according to Gary who was looking at her pictures.
Howard said that Mr. Skin gave them a password to log in to look at stuff and the password ended up on the web and over 2000 different people got on and used that password. Mr. Skin said that he made individual passwords for each person so they can now track down who's giving it out.
Hook Nose Mike asked Mr. Skin if Evangeline Lilly has ever done a nude scene. Mr. Skin said that hasn't happened yet. Howard said that she will eventually be naked once Lost is over. Howard noticed that there were some problems with the microphone Mr. Skin was using so Gary swapped it out with another one. Mel was having the same problem.
Howard mentioned that he was trying to catch up on Battlestar Galictica and needs the first three episodes of the new season. Jon Hein has hooked him up and should have the episodes for him today or tomorrow. He got off of that and moved on to the Anatomy Awards. Howard told him to talk quickly and go through all of this stuff.
Mr. Skin said that back in the early 90s Anna Nicole Smith was looking really hot and they have some pictures of her up on MrSkin.com. He said she was in a couple of movies and you can see all of that stuff on the site. He talked about how great her boobs were and how good she looked in some of those movies. Howard asked if she had any cellulite on her ass back then. Mr. Skin said there was nothing like that on her when she was in her prime.
Howard said there was some controversy on his web site. The scene from ''The Break Up'' where Jennifer Aniston was topless will never be on the site. He said that someone stole a picture from the movie where they showed her breasts 6 inches lower than what it showed in the movie and now PerezHilton.com is being sued over it. He said that scene was never in the movie so they can't put that on the site.
Howard had Mr. Skin get to some of the Anatomy awards. The first category was Best PG-13 Nude Scene and Jennifer Aniston won that one. Best Breasts were Salma Hayek. They showed some video in the studio as they were going through that stuff. Up next was Best Over 40 Nude Scene and Kyra Sedgwick won for ''Loverboy.'' After that they went to Best Butt and Brittany Daniel in ''Rampage'' won that one. They talked a little bit about each winner and how hot some of those chicks were. Howard moved on to the next one which was Best Lesbian Scene. Laura Bottrell and Nichole Mercedes Robinson in ''Huff'' were the winners for that one. That led to Howard talking about how Beth has a little bit of a lesbian crush on some chick from ''The L Word.'' He said he got jealous of her when he heard that. He said he doesn't like hearing that and got upset by it.
Howard moved on to Sexiest TV Network Scene which was Ali Larter in Heroes. Howard said all of this stuff is up on MrSkin.com. Howard wanted to get through the stuff pretty quick so he went to some of the other categories himself. Here's what they whipped through...
Howard asked Mr. Skin who he thinks looks bad nude. Mr. Skin said that Tatum O'Neil naked was one person who had odd looking ''fun bags.'' Howard also asked him about the fact that Artie's movie ''Beer League'' won an award this year. Mr. Skin said that Keisha won for Biggest Jumbo Jacks in ''Beer League.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw Mr. Skin's wife in a picture and she was smoking hot. Mr. Skin said that he has a beautiful wife, another kid on the way and he gets to do this stuff for a living. He's having a great time. Mr. Skin said he has a 1 year old son and a 2 year old daughter and he's supposed to go to her school and talk about his career. He's still not sure what he's going to say he does for a living.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked some questions about nude scenes. Howard wondered if the lead in ''How I Met Your Mother'' has ever done anything nude. Mr. Skin didn't recognize the name so he figured she hadn't done anything nude. Howard asked if there have been any women who have had Downs Syndrome and have been nude. Mr. Skin laughed and said he's never run across anything like that.
One caller asked Artie for tickets to one of his comedy shows. Artie ended up saying that he'd hook the guy up with tickets as long as he was a SIRIUS subscriber. The guy assured him he was. Howard put the guy on hold and then wrapped up with Mr. Skin. He went around the room and asked if anyone had any questions for Mr. Skin. Fred asked about Jessica Alba and if she has any nude scenes coming up. He said that it's a bad sign when she played a stripper in a movie and didn't strip. Artie asked about Jessica Biel. Mr. Skin said she's been in a bikini but never naked so it's kind of disappointing.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about a woman on a Mexican channel down his way but Mr. Skin didn't know anything about that woman. Another caller asked about Monica Beluchi. Mr. Skin ran down a couple of the movies that she's been in nude and you can find all of that info over at MrSkin.com. JD came in and said that Monica is in a movie in which she was raped for 10 minutes. That movie was ''Irreversible.'' Mr. Skin said that movie was very disturbing and he wouldn't recommend it.
Captain Janks called in and said he was into this chick Topanga from ''Boy Meets World'' and wondered if she's got anything coming out. Mr. Skin said there's nothing yet but they're hoping she will do something soon. Richard came in and asked about Eva Mendez. Mr. Skin said that she has done some nude scenes. Irish John then called in and asked about Kate Beckinsale. Mr. Skin said there was a movie called ''Under Cover'' in which she's topless. They went over that for a short time. The guys showed her picture and Howard said she's got banana tits.
Howard let some other guys go through some other celebrity names. Fred asked about Scarlet Johansen and Mr. Skin thinks that she won't be doing any nude stuff. He said he heard from someone had seen them back stage one time and they were the most amazing things they had ever seen. Gary told Howard he had a picture of Tatum O'Neil so they could see just how odd her boobs looked. Gary also said that he heard that Scarlet Johansen was going to be doing the life story of Jenna Jameson so she'd have to be nude in that. Mr. Skin said that would be awesome.
Mr. Skin and Richard talked about some other hot movie that Jessica Alba was in. They showed a frame from the movie ''Idle Hands'' and Artie went nuts for that. Howard wrapped up after that and gave Mr. Skin another plug for his web site MrSkin.com and then went to break.
Howard and the guys talked about how the judge in the case of getting Anna Nicole buried finally. The guy broke down and sobbed during the court case. Robin was saying that the mother was supposed to have been the person to make the decisions on where Anna was going to be buried. She was the next of kin and should have had control of the body immediately. Howard said he doesn't have any plans for where he's going to be buried yet. Artie said he doesn't have any plans either so he guesses he, out of everyone, should be the one who has plans.
Howard played a clip of the judge in the Anna Nicole case breaking down and crying as he's announcing who gets custody of her body. The guy says that he wants her buried with her son in the Bahamas and talking about how it was a sad moment. Then he talks about how sad it was and even flattened him down after just a week and a half of dealing with it.
Howard said he had some more audio to play from last week. He said that Larry King was interviewing this Prince Frederick Vonholt who is Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband. Larry asked him if he ever saw Anna using drugs and the guy went nuts cursing and saying that it's all ''bullshit.'' Howard said that was a good guest right there. Artie did his impression of the prince and goofed on him for a short time.
Howard said the Howard TV guys wanted him to put on his glasses but they were filthy. He was getting tired and cranky at this time of the morning and didn't want to change his glasses. He told the Howard TV guys to leave him alone. He changed them anyway and then got into the Benjy stuff. They played some video from the event and they showed Benjy doing the pillow fight thing and taking his clothes off. Benjy said he exerted himself so much that he had to lay down and rest.
Howard said a woman came over and freaked out on him. She was asking him how he was doing and he whacked her in the head with his pillow. Benjy got cut and was laying on the ground bleeding. They played that segment and the guys laughed when they saw him whack the woman in the head. Benjy said it was actually really painful. There were kids there who wouldn't stop hitting him.
Benjy said there was also a Sex in the Media protest going on so he went over and got involved with that. He had his shirt off and was dancing around with the girls. The women were yelling out their agenda but Benjy was just dancing around in the background.
Steve said they'll be reporting on a new Stern web site called TheSternShowNetwork.com. They'll also be talking about terrestrial radio self destructing. They also have another Page 69 report about Scott the Engineer getting a back massage from his female intern. Howard called the two of them in there to find out if that's true. He asked Scott's intern if it was true and she said it didn't happen.
Will was the one who said he heard about it and the person who saw it won't come forward. Will said that person didn't want to come forward to talk about it. Scott and the intern insisted that it never happened. They also wanted the witness to step forward but that wasn't happening either.
Jon Hein stepped forward and said he's the one who saw it going on. He walked into Scott's studio and saw her lined up next to him rubbing his shoulders. He said it wasn't inappropriate. He claims he saw contact but maybe he misinterpreted it. The intern said she has to stand behind him when he works so maybe Jon saw something and did misinterpret it.
Steve mentioned that they have one other story about Artie's movie selling for $9.95 at Best Buy. Then he wrapped up and spent a minute talking to Artie. Artie showed Howard a picture of a hot chick who wanted to come to a show of his but she was wearing a ring that looked like a wedding ring or something. Artie wasn't interested if that was the case.
Jon Hein gave a rundown of what they'd be discussing on The Wrap Up Show today. They'll be talking about a bunch of the big stories that happened today on the show. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
Howard took a couple more calls and let some guys talk about the merger. The Sim called in and congratulated Howard and Mel on the merger. He also gave a big F-you to the guy who wrote the article about how Howard isn't influential anymore. Howard said there is no one even close to being as influential as he is in radio.
Mutt called in and said that Mel mentioned that the music channels would remain commercial free when he did a Webcast the other day. That answered the one caller's question about that. Howard thanked him for the call and had Robin get back to her news.
The guys spent a few more minutes talking about Anna Nicole Smith's death. Dominic Barbara called in again and talked about how he thought the judge in the Anna Nicole case was a good judge even though he broke down and cried. They argued about that for a short time before Howard hung up on Dominic and had Robin get back into her news.
Howard and Robin were also talking about Britney Spears and her recent head shaving. Howard said he can't believe how fast that chick hit the wall after being cute for so long. Robin thinks that her downfall all started after she kissed Madonna on the MTV Video Music Awards. Some of the guys thought it started after she married Kevin Federline.
Robin got back to her news and at one point was talking about slavery. That got Howard into a weird discussion about what kind of slave master he might have been. He was talking about the kind of slaves he'd have like Eddie Murphy, Bernie Mac, Chris Rock and others. He ended the show around 10:55am.
Howard started off the show annoyed and cranky. He forgot to set his alarm and just woke up in time to get there. He never forgets to put his alarm on and he's not sure what happened. He said he was about 20 minutes late so he had to get up and run right over there. He said it was a miracle.
Howard said he loves that they found Jesus' body because that makes everyone Jewish. He said that it makes it great because people are confused about the whole story. Howard was telling Artie that he looks kind of Jewy himself now that he looks at him. Robin didn't get why Howard was saying that everyone was Jewish. He said everyone has to be something so now that the Jesus story isn't right, they might as well be Jews.
Howard said he was working on some questions for the It's Just Wrong game that they're playing today. Robin let out a gasp and said that she would have stayed home if she knew they were doing that today. This one is mothers and sons. Howard mentioned that the $5,000 prize for the game is courtesy of HotMovies.com.
Howard said he's pretty sure this game won't be ripped off and put on TV. He said that's happened with other games they've played. Just recently a show came out where people have their intelligence tested against 5th graders. Howard said they did that on the show years ago. Howard said he was told he should sue over it but that process goes on forever. He said that he's tried suing before and it just goes on and on. Howard said his show is the best for other people to listen to because they give so many great show ideas.
Howard said Jay Leno thinks that he takes credit for everything but he's very specific about what he takes credit for. He accused Jay of stealing some stuff but he doesn't even know that his writers are stealing the ideas for his show. He said that's the same show that stole Stuttering John away from them.
Howard said that Mancow was mentioned in the article as being number 11 on the most influential in the radio business. He said that guy could never come over to satellite radio and bring an audience there. He also said that Rush Limbaugh couldn't do it either. Howard took credit for changing the industry and how they're still crying about it, especially now that XM and SIRIUS are talking about the merger.
Howard said that the terrestrial radio guys are all upset that satellite is doing well. They're trying to get rid of them and trying to block the merger. He explained the whole monopoly thing and said that satellite radio isn't just competing against terrestrial radio because it's a pay service. He said that people can control the pricing of satellite radio by just not buying into it.
Bobo noticed a name on the list that he didn't recognize. He said there was someone by the name of Ed Schultz. Howard just laughed and Robin told him that Bubba was upset that he wasn't on the list at all. Howard said he would prefer not to be on any list at all.
Bobo mentioned the NAB and how they're using Howard's name trying to stop the merger between XM and SIRIUS. Howard said the NAB is a bunch of wackos. Bobo also mentioned that Imus is on the list of most influential radio guys. Howard goofed on him for a second and then talked about Oprah Winfrey being put on XM and how that actually drove subscriptions down. He told her to stick with her TV show.
Howard brought up Ellen Degeneres and her hosting job on the Academy Awards the other night. He said her outfits were ridiculous and he wondered why she won't put on a dress. He asked if she hates her vagina. He said he can see that she must be the one who puts on a strap-on in her relationship with Portia DeRossi. He said he'd bet $100 million that strap-ons and dildos are used by Ellen in that relationship. He said she probably wears a tiny penis in that suit of hers so she can feel like a guy. He also said she probably stands up to pee using one of those things that allows women to do that. Artie said that it's probably as hard for her to wear a dress as it would be for him. Howard said the suits she wears just don't work on her with those hips and the flat ass she has.
Howard took a call from a guy who was calling in to talk about the show ideas being stolen but he had the image of dildos and strap-ons being used by Ellen. He did ask Howard if there's a difference between Howard and his stolen ideas and a guy in Omaha who claims that he created the iPod and he's not getting paid for it. Howard said that he's never heard of some guy in Omaha not getting paid. He went on to talk about how he has created show ideas and people feel it's okay to just steal stuff from him and make shows without giving credit.
The caller asked Howard if he ever gets sick of the sycophants that are out there kissing his ass every day. Howard said he doesn't look at them like that, he just thinks that they're people who listen to the show and are super fans. He said there's nothing wrong with being a fan of someone. The caller was trying to get something started but it wasn't happening so Howard let him go. Another caller asked Howard what makes him crazier, when someone steals his ideas or someone says he has no influence. Howard said the no influence thing makes him crazy because that's just someone making stuff up. He said people are still signing up in droves to come to satellite radio.
Howard read that Mark Burnett is the creator of the 5th grader show he was talking about earlier. He said he'd bet that someone pitched that idea to Mark and he'd confront him on that if he would call into the show.
Another caller told Howard that Jay Leno claiming that Steve Allen inspired his Jay Walking segment is ridiculous. He's seen that segment on Allen's show and it was nothing like what Jay does. Howard said that Jay is a fucking asshole and that's that.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up Ellen again so he went off on her again. Howard said he'd bet that Ellen has a super bra that smashes her boobs flat so she looks like a dude. He also said that he'd bet that she glues hair to her chest to make herself look more like a dude. He said her face looks like Owen Wilson after smelling something sour. Her outfit screams a certain type of lesbian sex when he sees her. He said she's like a dude and probably more manly than even he is. He said she'd probably jump into the pool to save his dog before he'd do that.
Howard mentioned that he's gotten out of watching ''Lost'' and ''Survivor'' lately. He said they just ruined ''Lost'' and he's kind of surprised he gave up on that. He said he still likes ''Heroes'' and he's trying to catch up on ''Battlestar Galictica.'' He said he's kind of pissed that they won't get him the shows he's been trying to get because he seems to be the only one out there talking about what a great show it is. He said you'd think they'd rush the shows right over so he could talk about them. Jon Hein came in and said that they're messengering those shows over to him today. They are rushing them over according to Jon.
Howard said he was helping Jon out with his chess game yesterday. He said that Jon has been on the ICC web site lately playing chess and he's hooked now. Howard said he loves that he can go on that site at any time and either play a game or watch a game whenever he wants. Artie said that he's been trying to learn more about chess by reading ''Chess for Dummies'' but he's not very far into it. He's also pretty sure that he'd rather play with real pieces and not on the computer. Howard said he'd teach him how to move the pieces if he wants.
Artie wants to play a game of chess with Howard but live, not on the computer. Howard went on to talk about how he was playing against a guy in Australia and they were both getting inside each other's heads playing online. Howard took a call from a guy who brought up how Melissa Etheridge is another lesbian who must be the dude in the relationship. Howard and the guys agreed on that. He also mentioned the music special that Jon Hein put together and talked about how great that was. He also said he heard that they're doing a top song countdown of those songs.
The guys said that they should have Artie do the countdown because he sounded so miserable when he was talking about the bands during that music special. Gary came in and told Howard that they had some audio clips of Artie's comments during that special. When he came in Howard noticed that Gary was pulling his shirt away to hide his fat and he loves that. He ended up goofing on Gary about that saying that it's really not helping when he pulls the t-shirt away from his fat belly.
Howard got into the clips of Artie commenting on the bands that were featured in that music special. The first clip was Artie commenting on Cheap Trick and how he really doesn't give a shit about them. Howard said he thought they did a great job on the show. He wondered why they'd use Artie's comment before playing their great performance on the show. No one would be interested in hearing them after hearing Artie goofing on them.
Howard played another clip where Artie was talking about Stone Temple Pilots and how he really doesn't give a shit about them either. Howard and Robin laughed and wondered why they were using those clips. Gary told Howard to play Artie's comments about John Mellencamp. Artie sounded more and more tired as they went through the clips. He was even repeating his comments about the songs he liked him performing. Artie said he doesn't even remember doing those interviews.
Howard asked Jon Hein why he would use those clips of Artie. Jon said they used them because he thought they were funny. He said that they went alphabetically so Artie was all pumped up for AC/DC but as they went on, he got more and more tired and less enthusiastic. Howard said he knows he's awful on these specials because he can't remember anything. The other guys like Gary and Fred remember everything. Robin also remembered a lot of stuff.
Robin said she almost crashed her car when she heard Artie commenting on Cheap Trick. Jon said they're working on the countdown show for the top songs from that special. It's pretty much done, the just need someone to host it. Robin thought Artie would be perfect. Jon said that Cousin Brucie has been mentioned as another person who could do it. That led to Howard doing his Cousin Brucie impression for a few seconds. Jon said they were also thinking of Sour Shoes to host or maybe even Casey Kasem. He said he's not sure when that countdown show will air.
Howard said this whole thing has been driving him nuts. Robin thinks that he's afraid she's going to leave him for a woman. Howard said if that does happen while he's still on the air there, he's never coming to work again. He said Beth is also kind of into Gwyneth Paltrow but not in a sexual way, she just likes the way she carries herself.
Gary got Beth on the line so Howard told her he was trying to get to the bottom of the whole thing. Beth said she was blushing already. Beth said that he's asked her over the years if she's into chicks and if she was, what type would she be into. That chick is the type. The guys saw a picture of her and some of them thought this chick was kind of hot. Fred also noticed that she's a cousin of Gwyneth Paltrow's.
Beth said she loves watching Gwyneth's acting and the way she carries herself. She got back to this Shane chick and mentioned that her real name is Katherine Moennig but she read that she goes by Kate. Beth said she gets worked up when she sees her on TV and she can't even explain exactly what it is. She said she even watches some of her scenes over and over again. She said she was rewinding some of her scenes over and over again in one of the shows because the sex scene was so hot.
Beth said she thought Howard would enjoy this whole conversation but he seems to be getting irritated. Howard said this is the first time she's ever said that she's found a woman sexy so it's throwing him off a little bit. He asked her if she would have sex with this chick if there would be no repercussions. Beth said she just enjoys watching her naked and it's her little girl crush, that's it. She asked Robin to help her out in this so Robin tried to explain it. She said that Beth just enjoys watching her.
Fred told Howard to do the reverse on Beth and say that he finds a guy attractive and wants to watch his scenes over and over again. Beth said that would be gay. This isn't gay. Beth was on IMDB.com reading about her and found that she has a boyfriend so that's not so hot.
Howard said he doesn't get the girl crush thing but he's not upset about it. He wanted to know how far it goes in Beth's head though. Beth asked Howard if he found out that she was attracted to her, would he be turned on by it. Howard said it might make him jealous.
Howard said he and Beth have been going out and celebrating their engagement. He said he orders glasses of wine and brags about the engagement when they go out to eat. He's embracing the whole thing and not keeping it quiet like Beth thought he would.
Gary told Howard that Gary Garver was out interviewing some people the other day and Shirley Jones was talking about Howard's engagement and saying that he has no plans on actually getting married. Howard played the audio clip of that interview. Shirley said she doesn't believe that Howard will ever get married. She thinks he'll be engaged for the next 10 years and never get married. Shirley's husband Marty Ingels said that Howard is a brilliant marketer and a genius, but he has nothing to listen to on his show. Garver asked him how big his balls were which chased Shirley away. The guys talked about how mean that was of Shirley to say that. Robin said she really doesn't like Howard. Howard agreed with that.
Beth asked Howard to have Gary set up Katherine Moennig on the show but she'd have to come in as Shane. She'd even come in to meet her. Then she said she might like to do a scene with her on ''The L Word.'' She was getting all flustered just thinking about that. She thought Howard was upset about it but Howard said he's just trying to figure it all out.
Howard said they went out to dinner one night during vacation and she was wearing some big F-me heels. He wanted to do her in the bathroom of the restaurant but she didn't want to do it. They spent a minute on that before Howard let Beth go. He asked Robin if she thinks that Beth would act on that crush if she had the chance. Gary thinks that she would, if she was on the show with her. Robin isn't sure if she would actually do it.
Siobhan the transsexual called in and weighed in on what she thought about Beth's crush. She said something that no one understood. Howard ended up hanging up on her and taking a call from Bobo who told him he has to have Beth in with that chick Kate so they can ride the Sybian together. Another caller said they have to have the two of them on the show. Howard said Beth will never ride the Sybian but she might come in if that chick comes in.
Double A called in and said that he totally feels him on this whole thing. He said he could imagine Beth doing something with that chick and he wouldn't want her crossing that line with that chick. Howard let Double A go and said that was some good advice. Another guy said that Howard is going kind of nuts over this and he should try not to freak out. Howard said he kind of freaks out over everything even when he doesn't want to. He took a few more phone calls and let some people comment on the whole Beth thing.
Howard mentioned that they were going to be playing that It's Just Wrong thing a little later. He played a promo for the game and then went to break.
Howard got back on the subject of Ellen Degeneres again. Howard said he saw her on Oprah's show dancing the other day. He said it's so bizarre when she does those dance moves.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. Lisa said that in honor of Robin's question yesterday about what to get Howard and Beth for an engagement gift... Howard interrupted and said they don't any any gifts. He said if people want to give something, they can give to the North Shore Animal League. Lisa was saying that she asked someone what to get someone like that and she was told that something like dance lessons would be good. Robin said that's what she's getting for Howard. Howard said he will not dance. Lisa also said that they could also get cooking lessons. Howard said he hates dancing.
Lisa said that Hulk Hogan is asking Bubba to help his daughter out in making her album number 1. He promised to put Bubba in one episode of his TV show if he helps make that happen. Howard said he'd help out and suggest that people buy her album. Hogan was even willing to send his daughter out on a date with Spice Boy. Howard heard that and said that would be a mistake. Spice Boy would fuck her. The album must be pretty important for Hogan to make that offer.
Lisa said that they'll have an interview with Underdog Lady about the new Underdog movie that's coming out this summer. Howard didn't know about that movie but said it would be cool if they used real dogs in a movie like that. Robin thinks that they could do that because in the ''Chronicles of Narnia'' they made animals look very realistic. Howard let Lisa go a short time later.
Howard said that there were a lot of brothers who were pissed off about the light skinned guys getting breaks more than the dark skinned. Bintell says that light skinned blacks are a different breed than the dark skinned and a different race all together. Bintell was saying that there are many examples of the light skinned blacks saying things about the dark skinned. He used Beyonce as an example and said that she has no clue about what she's talking about sometimes. She used a derogatory term for dark skinned blacks one time according to Bintell.
Howard said that when Bintell walks into a room there is no getting around the fact that he's a black man. Bintell said that people like Michael Jackson trying to change his skin color is what makes black people look like assholes. Robin said that she's very proud of being black though. She's not trying to change her skin color.
Howard asked Bintell if there are any light skinned blacks that he likes. Bintell said the only guy who called him about an interview he did was a white guy. He and Howard kept cutting each other off while giving their answers so neither of them were getting their thoughts out very well.
Bintell was saying that the dark skinned blacks have to rise up and realize that their enemies are not only white people but light skinned blacks as well. Howard said all of this stuff is in Bintell's book ''Betrayed.''
Howard read that Bintell thinks that light skinned solo artists are successful while dark skinned will only be a one-hit-wonder or not even get that far. Bintell was saying that blacks who don't prefer people who look like they do, it's a sickness.
Howard said Bintell points out that the only person from The Cosby Show that was successful after the show ended was Raven Simone who was a light skinned black girl. Bintell told Howard that he put together a contest based on his book. He said he will give people a VIP evening courtesy of a restaurant in the city. You can find out more at his web site Betrayed.biz.
Gary came in and asked Bintell about certain celebrities who are dark skinned and are successful. Bintell had excuses for each of them saying that they were either light skinned or that they were married to light skinned or white people. Howard asked Bintell to name a few dark skinned blacks who are celebrities. He said that India Artie and Angela Bassett are two that he things are hot. He said he'd like to plow Angela Basset.
Howard asked Bintell about Al Sharpton and what he thinks of him. He said that his hair straightening is sending the wrong message to the black youth. He didn't want to go off on him too much though. Howard took some phone calls from some guys and let them ask Bintell some questions. Howard took a call from the back office where they were playing clips of Crazy Alice making it seem like she was calling in to yell at him. Bintell said that this is the most hurtful subject in the black community. He said that people in the black community get upset with him for coming out with this stuff. Crazy Alice told him to shut the fuck up and that she was going to fuck his fat mama's neck. Howard let Bintell know that it was just a tape though.
Howard asked Bintell if he likes that Angelina Jolie adopts black kids. Bintell said that's fine with him. He thinks she's just doing it to adopt a kid and not for any other reason. Dominic Barbara called in and talked about some studies that have been done about the dark and light skinned thing. Another caller asked if there's any truth to the myth about the darker the skin the larger the penis. Bintell said he doesn't know about other guys but his is a nice size.
Howard asked what scale you use to figure out who is dark and light skinned. Bintell said that the grocery bag is usually the scale. He and Howard talked about Jay-Z and how he's on the edge of being dark. They spent a short time on that and then Howard went to break after giving Bintell some plugs for his stuff.
Howard said there's a new song about Robin. He played that one and it was ''I Want Robin's Tight Vagina.'' He also played a new Baba Booey song parody. He quickly mentioned that they only had one mother and son team show up to play ''It's Just Wrong'' today but he'll still be able to play it even with just the one team.
The interviewer asked the club owner about what else went on there at the club. The guy said that Pac Man was restrained and not beaten up. There were two guys who ended up getting shot and one of them will never walk again. They kicked Pac Man out of the club but he returned later. He apparently returned and punched her in the back of the head after all of that other stuff went down.
Gary said that Pac Man is saying he didn't know the two guys he was there with. Some people are saying that he should be thrown out of the NFL after all of that went down. Artie said that it all depends on how good the guy is as far as him getting kicked out of the NFL.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Pac Man was walking around with $81,000 in cash when he went to that club to get the girls to do the rain dance thing. He was also making some accusations about his vehicle being confiscated in a drug raid but Howard said he doesn't know anything about that.
Gary said that one of Bubba's guys did the same thing with cash at a strip club when they were down in Tampa. That guy didn't stop the girls from grabbing the money though.
Howard said Gary Garver ran into the gay dude, John Amaechi, and it didn't really go that well. Garver asked him what the worst part about retiring from sports will be. John said there was nothing bad about it. He said it was great for him when he retired. Gary asked him if he's blackballed from the NBA. He said he's not and he's in constant contact with people from the NBA. Garver asked about other gay NBA players and John told him there are others in the NBA and in the NFL as well. He told him it's really unimportant how many there are.
Garver asked John if he was ever involved in a towel snapping incident in the locker room. He also asked him if he knows if Shaq is hung like a mule. He didn't know that answer. Garver asked him some other questions and his people told him to take those questions past the 5th grade level. Garver then asked him about Howard Stern, who John didn't know, and then asked him if he's afraid of getting AIDS. John ended it after that question. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
The son, Mike, was telling Howard about the implants that his mother has. She was saying that she's always gotten into trouble for talking about sex. Her son came to her and asked her to play this game and she decided to go with it but she didn't sound very happy about it. Mike said she runs around her house naked all the time. She told him not to come over if that's the way he thinks.
Howard asked the mom if she's going to be okay being naked in front of her son. She said she'll be fine with it. Gary asked Mike why he hasn't lived with his mother through his life. He said that he lived with his father because his mother has always embarrassed him with the sex stuff. He said that his mother taught his friends how to eat pussy.
Gary said that the mother did have a coke issue. She didn't want to talk about that but said it was just a weekend thing. Howard said that the other couple didn't show up for this game so it's just this one team. He told them what was going to happen. He said that they had already asked Joanne the questions and now Mike had to answer the same way. If he doesn't, then Joanne has to take an article of clothing off for each question wrong. They had 3 items that she had to remove and Mike was going to have to remove those articles of clothing himself. That's what makes this ''Just Wrong.''
Howard said the first question was ''Where does your mom like a man to finish, the chest, ass or face?'' Mike guessed that it was going to be her chest. Howard said it was actually the ass. Mike had to remove his mother's dress. Joanne wasn't supposed to touch it. Mike said he was going to use his teeth to do it. Joanne said she didn't give a shit about her son taking her dress off. Mike had his eyes closed when he was doing it. She said she hates him right now. Howard said she had a nice body. He told her she looked good and Artie said that he couldn't wait for her to get naked and do some coke. Gary asked her how old she was. She said she's 48 and everyone thought she looked good for her age. She was still yelling at her son
Howard moved on to the second question which was ''Does your mother spit or swallow?'' Mike got it right when he said she swallows. She said that she actually makes sure she gets every drop. Mike said he knew that because she's told him that through his life.
Howard moved on to the next question which was ''If your mother shot a porno, which would she do? Bukakke, Anal or Golden Shower?'' Joanne said that they never asked her that one. Howard said they did and asked Mike what his answer was. Mike said he was going with Bukakke. He got it wrong, she said it was golden showers. She said they never explained the other stuff to her so she didn't know how to answer. Howard told Mike he had to take off another article of clothing. This time he was taking her bra off. He did that and Howard said she's got some nice boobs.
Howard asked Mike if he's ever done anything like this before. He said he hasn't and joked that it was quite invigorating. Howard moved on to the next question which was ''Does your mother prefer length or girth?'' Howard told Joanne to be quiet during this because she was going to ruin it for her son. Mike went with girth and got it right.
Howard moved on to the next question and asked ''If you had to have sex with an animal, would it be a bear, dog, horse or monkey?'' Joanne couldn't stop talking and said she really likes monkey's too. Mike told her to stop talking and said that the answer was Dog. He got that right. She said she picked the dog because they have longer tongues.
Howard said they asked her about what ethnic group she would pick if she had to have sex with one. Mike said it would probably be black. He would have gotten that wrong. He had already won though so he didn't have to worry about that question. After that Howard had the people from HotMovies.com come in with the $5,000 check for the winners. There was a guy by the name of James who had Arial Somers and Stoya in with him. James presented the check to them and told them that it really was just wrong. Howard gave them some plugs and James said they have a free 15 minute offer over there and you just have to enter the promo code ''Howard Stern'' to get the 15 minutes free.
Howard asked one of the girls if she wanted to kiss the mom. She went right over and kissed her and Joanne tongued her. Howard asked Joanne if she wanted to go ride the Sybian. She said she didn't want to do that but only because she's married.
Howard moved on to take some phone calls and threw in a couple more plugs for HotMovies.com. One guy said that he was physically ill listening to this. One guy asked how Joanne could think that her son wouldn't be embarrassed by her talking about sex and stuff. Howard talked to the porn girls who were there as well. He threw in a few more phone calls and one guy said that he'd give Mike more money if he cut his mom's tongue out. Bong Hit Eric called in and asked why she won't get on the Sybian. She was upset about the comments the other guy had just made about her and she didn't want to do it.
Howard tried talking to Joanne but she seemed to be rambling a bit. Howard told her to just sit on the Sybian and he'd give her a plug for her book. She said she wasn't that desperate. Dominic Barbara called in and joked that this is the segment that they're going to play when Mel Karmazin testifies later this week.
Jeff the Drunk called in and told Joanne that she's really annoying. She asked how she was annoying but Jeff didn't get a chance to answer. A woman called in and told her that she was annoying as well. Howard asked Stoya to get on the Sybian but she was on the rag so she didn't want to do it either.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Joanne she was proud of her. She told her to ride that Sybian but Joanne was still refusing to do it. Howard asked Mike if it was tough growing up with his mom. He said that a lot of his friends actually liked her a lot. She said there were some friends who really liked her and one of them was a kid by the name of Justin. Howard asked Mike if she talks all the time like that. He said she really does talk all the time.
Howard let one more woman get in a call. She told Howard that she decided not to have kids because she thought she'd be a bad parent but now realizes that maybe she wouldn't have been such a bad mom. Joanne went off on her for a short time and yelled at her about the comments. Howard wrapped up after that and thanked James for coming in with the girls and gave him another plug for HotMovies.com. Howard talked to the porn star girls a little more and then went to break
Steve Langford came in and gave his Howard 100 News preview. He ran down a couple of stories about the upcoming race that Robin will be involved with. He also mentioned that Lisa G has been asking for some postings to be removed from SFN lately. Jason came in and said that it's worse than just the negative postings being removed. She's been asking for them to remove the positive postings too. Lisa said that she has only called about 3 times to ask for stuff to be removed. Steve got in a plug for Jackie's Joke Hunt which airs tonight at 7 and Riley Martin's show which airs at midnight.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that there's one way to keep Artie awake there. He suggested an electric dog collar to snap him out of it.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show rundown. He mentioned the stuff that went on during the show and which stories they'll be covering. They'll be covering all of the major issues that came up on the show today. That led to Howard talking about Beth's girl crush and how he was once afraid that she was going to leave him for a dude she had to kiss in a TV show she shot.
Howard heard that Bubba was claiming that for the last week he and Heather have been in a fight and she's not even living with him. Robin hadn't heard that, she figured it was just a bit they were doing.
Captain Janks called in and said that he thinks that Robin had a crush on Bonnie Raitt once. Robin said that's not true. She did kind of have a little crush on Melissa Etheridge at one time but that has gone away. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
Bubba told Howard that he and Heather had sex last night after watching one of their home videos. He said they role played in the tape and they watched that to get going. Bubba was also saying that he really likes titty fuckin because he likes the texture and the warmth. Bubba described how that all goes down and said that Heather holds those things together while he's screwing them. Howard said he wanted to know that Bubba was okay so that's why he wanted to call. Bubba said he's doing good.
Bubba said he did have to talk to Brent off the air yesterday because he was asking him to fire him yesterday. He said he's turned into a real prick lately though because he's involved with some fighting league. He said he had to pull him aside and have a talk with him.
Bubba asked Howard if he thinks Gary would say no to him if he asked him to have his wife have sex with his fiancee. Howard said he's pretty sure that Gary would let it happen. Bubba was having a discussion like that with Brent and Brent didn't think that it was right.
Robin said she had a question for Bubba about his wedding. She wanted to ask him about one of the Hogan family members. She said there was someone else with Hogan, his wife and kids. Bubba didn't know anything about it. That led to them talking about Hogan's offer to let Brooke go on a date with Spice Boy. Howard said he wouldn't want his daughter going out with that guy.
Bubba said that he was told to shut down his discussions about the XM/SIRIUS merger when he brought them up on his show. He said there are some people over at XM whose asses he's going to kick. He said that there are a couple of guys over there who have no respect for other people in the industry and he just thinks they should shut up. Howard let Bubba go a short time later but Artie tried to ask him one last question as he was hanging up. Artie wanted to know if he wanted to hang out down there when he goes down to do a comedy show.
Jeff asked when he was going to be invited down there next. Artie told him to just show up but that didn't work out so well the last time he did it. Howard said he'd check with Gary, he's sure they'll need him soon.
Fred was playing a bunch of Gilbert Gottfried audio clips during Robin's news so they ended up playing a prank call the guys made using Gilbert clips as well. Ralph called in a short time later to talk about American Idol with Howard. He was saying that they really need to just pick a good looking chick for once on that show. They spent a couple of minutes on that.
A caller told Howard how great the Gilbert laughs were earlier in the news and wanted Fred to compare Jackie's laughs with Gilbert's. Fred played both Gilbert and Jackie laughs and had the guy on the phone laughing quite a bit. Howard said you forget how great Jackie's laughs were. He told Fred to create Gilbert and Jackie at the Diary of Anne Frank play and had the two of them laughing like crazy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that XM sent out a newsletter to their subscribers and they mentioned the merger and how they were going to have Martha Stewart... but no mention of Howard Stern. Howard said that shows just how afraid of him they are. Robin thinks that they left him out because they're afraid that if the merger doesn't happen, people will realize what they're missing out on. Howard wrapped up the show a short time later, around 11:00am.
Howard started off the show saying that he doesn't know much about the stock market but it looks like the end of the world according to some people. It had a bit of a crash yesterday and it took a nose dive because of something to do with China. Robin told him it was Japan, not China. Howard said he doesn't get the stock market and how it can all crash in one day like that. It's like gambling. Artie said that's exactly what it is. Howard said Sal used to be a stockbroker so he wonders if he could explain it to them.
Sal came in and said that everyone knows about as much as stockbrokers do. He said the market goes up, goes down, you can never tell what it's going to do. Howard told Robin to just imagine having Sal as your stockbroker. Sal said that this down in the market probably had to do with human emotion, that's it. He explained that there are people who claim to be able to predict the market crashing but it's just hit or miss.
Robin was wrong and corrected herself on the Japan thing. She said she was reading an article and it said it did have to do with some stuff in China. Howard said you see that and then read about the war we're in and how George W. Bush is going to leave this country bankrupt when he leaves office.
Howard said that Dick Cheney almost got blown up over in Iraq so that's pretty crazy. He said it's supposed to be a secret when he goes over there but they know he's coming in and try to blow him up. Howard said that they should have made sure that they just blew Afghanistan off the map after 9/11 instead of going into Iraq.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks he's a fag for double guessing Beth on the crush she has on that chick. Howard said he's going to try and arrange for Beth to meet that chick so he wondered why he was a fag. The guy was mumbling and annoying Howard so he hung up on him. He said he doesn't mind a guy calling him a fag but he should have some energy. Howard felt like he was stuck in boring conversation with a fucking asshole.
Gary came in and told Howard that he's trying to make the whole Beth thing happen. He spoke to someone over at Showtime and they might be able to get that woman booked on the show. Howard played a voice mail of Crazy Alice going off on him about the whole Beth thing they went over yesterday. She said that Howard is engaged to a lesbian and she's engaged to ''gay Howard.'' She figures that he wants to bang Brad Pitt.
Howard played another clip of Crazy Alice talking about how weird looking a baby would be if Howard and Beth had one together. She said that Howard should look in the mirror and realize how weird looking he is. She also went off on Joan Rivers and even Lisa G. Howard said Alice is a Wack Packer in the first degree.
Howard decided to replay the Wack Pack Feedback bit where a few of them gave their thoughts on what the new name should be for the company when XM and SIRIUS merge. Wendy the Retard suggested ''Jessica,'' Blue Iris suggested ''Howard Stern,'' Riley Martin suggested ''SIRIUM,'' King of all Blacks suggested ''Surge'' and Jeff the Drunk had no suggestion at all.
Howard and the guys talked about how Jeff the Drunk has to curse when he calls in. Howard went off on him but he admitted he has the same problem lately. Robin said she's been cursing a lot too and she's going to try and cut back. Artie said she doesn't do it all that much though and it's still shocking when she says it.
Howard had some other audio clips that he wanted to clear out. The next one was Wack Pack Feedback where some of the guys give their thoughts on Anna Nicole Smith's death. Jeff the Drunk, Eric the Midget, Riley Martin and Blue Iris all chimed in with their thoughts on Anna's death. Artie said he's up for any of those Wack Pack Feedback things because he likes hearing that Bad Company song they play.
Howard said that there was a Boston news reporter who screwed up Beth's name when he was talking about his engagement. The announcer said that Howard Stern was engaged to his girlfriend ''Anna Ostrosky.'' He played that clip and the reporter also talks about how Howard was married to Alison Berns for 20 years before their divorce in 2001.
Howard mentioned that Beth is going to be co-hosting The View sometime in the future. He doesn't have a date yet though. That led to him playing a clip from the show where the women were talking about Howard's engagement. Barbara got some applause when she congratulated Howard on the engagement. Barbara also said that she likes Howard. Joy Bayhar said she's not sure that certain people should be married. She said that Howard should be kind of leery about getting married again. Barbara talked about how nice he was when she saw him out at dinner one night. There was a lot of talking going on so Artie asked who is watching that show. He said it's a bunch of hens just cackling.
Howard had another morning show clip where this Mike and Juliette Huddy were talking about his engagement. Juliette claims that Howard helped her get her first job but Howard had no idea who she was. Howard started to play the clip and noticed that Mike says ''Lit'rally'' in a way that some of his friends have been saying it. He said he gets really annoyed by that because a couple of his friends have been doing it lately and he's asked them to stop. He got back to the audio clip and Juliette explained that she did a story about Howard and ended up getting her job after her boss had read the story.
Howard had another talk show clip where his engagement was discussed. The male host on the show did the story and then discussed it with his female co-host. She was saying she doesn't get how Howard gets hot chicks. The guy said that he's famous and rich and you don't need much more than that. Howard said all of these broads act like they wouldn't fuck him and suck him. He said the only reason this chick wouldn't do it is because he's never run into her. It was kind of odd because the hosts of the show knew why Beth had moved in with Howard even though they claimed not to be fans. Howard said he had even forgotten that Beth moved in after her ceiling collapsed in her apartment.
Howard found another audio clip where a personal trainer was talking about his engagement. They brought up the size of the diamond so Howard mentioned that there are some jewelry stores out there who want to look at the ring and put it down. She went shopping with a friend the other day and went to a jewelry store where the guy wanted to appraise the ring for her. Luckily she wasn't wearing the ring and told him that she didn't need it appraised.
Howard played the first clip in the game that Sal had put together. The first line from a movie was ''It's the dead ni**er in my garage.'' Artie knew that it was from ''Pulp Fiction.'' Howard got pissed that he didn't have an answer key for the game. Sal came in to tell them the answers and Howard wasn't too thrilled about that. He wanted the answer key instead of having Sal as the Answer key. Gary said he thought Howard liked when Sal was in there for his game. Gary said Sal never gave him the answer key but Sal claimed he had given it to him but he sent him in there anyway. Sal told Gary ''Get your shit together monkey!''
Howard played the next clip, ''What's up my nigga?'' and thought he knew the correct answer. He had no idea. Sal wasn't even sure but it was a clip from ''Rush Hour.'' Sal started to explain the scene from the movie and used the term ''Chink'' when he was describing Jackie Chan so Howard got upset with him about his constant racist comments.
The next clip was ''We're going to keep out the ni**ers.. The what? The ni**ers... we're going to keep them out... Gentlemen, you're talking to a ni**er!'' Everyone knew that was from ''The Jerk.'' Artie said he loves that movie and he owns the DVD. He told the guys about some other scenes from that movie that he loved.
Howard went through a few more audio clips and everyone was getting them right. Here are a few of the lines they played...
Artie did another scene from a movie that they didn't play a clip from. He was doing Aretha Franklin's lines from ''The Blues Brothers'' movie. Howard asked what's up with Artie, he's got some brain in him to remember all of that stuff. Artie told a story about his friend who ended up getting punched in the face by a nun when he was in school after he did something wrong in class. The nun had grabbed his hair and punched him about 15 times in a row while his other friend was watching. He was laughing his ass off while telling the story as he pictured his friend's Italian afro being held by a 60 year old Nun beating the shit out of him.
Howard wondered where all of the anger comes from with those nuns. The guys figured they don't get laid so they gotta take their anger out somehow. Artie told a story about how he had to go up in front of class and hold books out to the side with his arms out stretched. That led to Gary coming in and telling a story about getting beaten by a nun. He said he was at a communion thing and he went up to get a flower for this thing they were doing. The kid behind him stuck him with pin so he let out a yelp. He said that the nun, Sister Boogie (named because she picked her nose a lot), called him up to the front of the class and whacked his hand with a stick. He said he ended up crying in front of the class while his parents were taking pictures of him.
Artie told another story about how rude the nuns can be and how they'll beat the shit out of someone and then do the stations of the cross. Howard said he's so glad that James Cameron found the grave of Jesus and found the bodies in there. Artie said there's a great movie out there called ''Heaven Help Us'' and talked a little bit about that. Gary said that there's one character in the movie who can't stop jerking off through the whole movie.
The caller also said that Conan O'Brien did a bit on his show last night where they morphed Howard and Beth together to show what their baby might look like. Howard said he saw that but he thought the bit was kind of lame. He was hoping for a good laugh but the bit just wasn't all that funny. The caller also brought up how Howard was getting upset about people stealing ideas from his show when it's just the basic idea that he can't really complain about it. Howard said that 5th grader show is almost exactly what they've done with kids on the show competing against guests.
Howard said that after these shows come out, if they try to do one of those bits, it makes it look like they're ripping off those shows even though they've done them many times in the past. He said he doesn't give a shit and hung up on the caller.
Howard took another call from a woman who said that she ran into Artie when she was at the Borgata recently and he was very nice to her. She said that she was actually there to see the Gypsy Kings and not Artie. Howard wondered who that was and wondered who would go to see that. Fred played some of their stuff and Howard wondered who would go to see that crap. Gary told him to play their version of ''Hotel California'' so he did that. Artie said they play that song in ''The Big Lebowsky.'' Howard said he'd rather be in a Viet Namese prison camp with John McCain than go see that. The woman on the phone said she actually loved it even though she doesn't speak Spanish.
Artie said that he might be going down to the Borgata to see Frankie Valli with his mother. Howard didn't seem to have a problem with that though.
Howard interrupted and mentioned that George Takei is going to be sitting in as their announcer all next week. That led to Fred playing Kidd Chris' ''Sulu Dance'' song parody. Robin said she got an IM from Kidd Chris the other day and told her that they can't say ''dirt bag'' or ''douche'' on his show anymore on terrestrial radio. Howard gave Chris those words and gave him a couple of curses. Artie threw in a nice ''CUNT'' for him as well. He said they don't have to say ''Mike Hunt'' they can just say ''My CUNT!!!'' Robin was laughing her ass off as Artie was doing that.
Robin said she was watching a special where they were interviewing the guys from Air Supply and talked about how disturbing they look these days. Gary saw that special and said it really was sad to see.
Lloyd said that he's working for KGO radio out in San Francisco. He was also out in Sacramento for about 10 years doing some work there. He said that Lloyd used to be the fun weather guy on the Channel 9 news and now everyone is safe with their stuff. He said he always thought Lloyd was kind of alike a slow adult. That led to Howard talking to him about going to college and not finishing it. That made Howard think that he really is a slow adult and he is kind of challenged. He said Lloyd would always lose at cards and it just made him think he was slow.
Artie remembers seeing Lloyd doing those weather reports and he wouldn't mess around, he'd just yell out ''Get out the shovels!'' when they had a big snow storm coming in. Howard said he really thinks that Lloyd might be the most successful slow adult and he should embrace that. Howard knows that he's not so smart himself either but he figures that Lloyd has to have a lower IQ than he does. Howard figures he'd look like Steven Hawking next to Lloyd.
Artie said that Lloyd would always scare the shit out of the other people he worked with at channel 9. Lloyd mentioned that Sara Lee Kessler used to get annoyed with him. Artie told him that he was great and ''fuck her.''
Lloyd said that he's still married to the same woman he's been married to for many years. Howard asked him how old he is now. He's 65 years old now. Howard said they have to be paying him shit out in Bakersfield. Lloyd said he's having fun and enjoying what he's doing. He said Bakersfield is near Los Angeles but he's not seen there. Howard asked him if he's got enough money to retire. Lloyd said he doesn't want to retire. Howard told him it's got to get kind of old eventually though and no one is going to want to see him on TV eventually.
Artie said he had a buddy who thought Lloyd was a fruit so he's glad to hear that he's married with a kid. Lloyd said he's got a couple of daughters actually. Howard asked him about his hair and if he's got the grey thing going on. He said he gets it dyed by his hair stylist. He said he still doesn't wear make-up when he does his shows either.
Howard talked about how they wanted to get rid of Lloyd at channel 9 but he was the only identifiable person on the news so they kept him around. Lloyd said he thinks he had 12 one year contracts while he was there and that may have been the reason. Howard asked Lloyd if he had to take a big pay cut when he went to Bakersfield. Lloyd said that was the case but it's not all about money. Howard asked him if he's pulling down more than $50,000 a year. Lloyd said of course it's more than that. He said he's got 2 shows and he's been doing one of the shows for over 11 years. Artie figured that he's making over $125,000 a year. Lloyd wouldn't confirm or deny.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he went up to Lloyd at a baseball game and threw a beer in his face about 10 years ago. Lloyd didn't seem to remember that though. Howard told Lloyd he's glad he's working and he really liked him when he was around. Howard said Lloyd is always the way he is on the air and off so there is no break from that. Howard asked him if he would submit to an IQ test. Lloyd said he'd give it a shot but he doesn't think he'd do very well. He said he thinks he might be able to do okay and maybe get a 98 or 105 on the IQ test. Robin figured he'd be right above a slow adult if he took the test.
Lloyd said that he really stunk in school and didn't start doing well until he got into broadcasting. Lloyd told Howard how much he loves him and the rest of the guys on the show. He's been listening to them on SIRIUS for a while now. Howard said those old days with Lloyd on the news were really good. He wasn't just a slick, smooth guy like they have now. Howard told him that they'll work out the IQ test thing and have someone come out to administer the test to him.
Howard asked Lloyd if he can actually analyze a weather map and figure out the weather. Lloyd said he's not a meteorologist so he's not that educated, but he can do the weather reports. Howard wanted to ask him some general awareness questions. He asked him...
Gary said they found one of Lloyd's old weather reports on YouTube so they had the audio of that. Howard played the clip even though he wasn't sure why they were doing that. He said they were going to travel down memory lane with Lloyd with that. After that he wrapped up with Lloyd and Lloyd gave them one of his ''Helloooooooooo Hohokus'' things. Howard went to break after that.
Howard had Lisa G come in to do her Howard 100 news preview. Artie said he tried putting her jacket on this morning so he wondered how far Robin and Howard thought he might get. Robin said he'd be able to get half an arm in there. Howard said he couldn't fit into even one sleeve. Artie wanted to prove him wrong so he tried on the jacket. He wasn't able to get an arm in there at all. Howard tried to get the jacket on himself. He was able to get some of it on but his arms were so long that it wouldn't go on all the way.
Lisa said that Mel Karmazin will be down in Washington DC talking about the merger between XM and SIRIUS. Howard said that the merger should go through and if it doesn't, there's something political going on. There's really no logical reason why it shoul