One of the first bits they played was a Black History Month bit where Billy did his Larry Fine impression. After that we heard from Billy West who said a few words about his voices and how they just came naturally for him. Billy said he would always test himself to see how far he could go with those voices and people always asked him not to do them when he was growing up. He said he was born to do that shit and there was no way around it.
The next bit they played was the ''Hill Street Jews'' in which Billy did a bunch of various voices. He did the voices of a black woman, a black man, a Jew, Mayor Dinkens and others. After that we heard Billy doing his Frank Sinatra impression talking to Sammy Davis Jr. on his death bed. The Sammy impression was Billy choking and gagging.
Next up was a bit called ''As the Barbecue Turns'' which was a bit about Mayor Dinkens getting sworn in. Ted the Janitor and Janie the Cleaning Lady were also in the bit. Billy was the voice of Mayor Dinkens and Rudy Giuliani. After that they played a movie parody called ''Kathie Jew's Baby'' in which Billy did the voices of Kathie Lee Gifford and Frank Gifford. Fred played the part of Regis Philbin.
After those bits Robin had a few words to say about Billy. She said they could ask him to do just about anything on the show and he would put all the effort in the world into doing the bits. Howard and Gary had a few words to say about him as well. Gary said that Billy had a weird ''Iron side'' Raymond Burr voice that he did and talked about how great that voice was. He said Billy would also come up with all kinds of references that he would throw in that made it even better.
That led into an old clip from a Stern Show where Robin was reading her news and Billy was doing a gay voice with Howard as Robin was talking about a gay wedding thing in the news. Howard and Billy were playing off each other throwing out a bunch of goofy lines. Billy eventually started doing that Raymond Burr impression that Gary was talking about. Billy had Howard laughing as he was doing that impression. Billy, Howard and Fred were all doing their Raymond Burr impressions and throwing out all kinds of gay jokes. Howard cracked himself up reading some of the lines Jackie was writing for him. He was playing the part of Raymond's gay lover. Howard and Billy continued to do their impressions during Robin's news even after changing subjects for a short time. Fred and Billy were both doing their Burr impressions. Robin started to question them as if they were guests on the show. She got back into her news while they continued to goof around with their impressions. Howard would get Billy right back into the impression after asking him a question. As Howard was ending the show that day Billy, as Raymond, was talking about the other gay people who were up in heaven with him and how that stuff even goes on up there. Fred was also throwing in a few names.
After that clip was done, we heard another news segment where Howard and Robin were talking about Ellen Degeneres coming out of the closet. That led to Billy doing an impression of her as a female Jerry Seinfeld. He also went into his Raymond Burr impression once again after that. He was throwing in a bunch of gay comments during that segment. Howard questioned him as if he were a guest in the studio. Billy almost lost it and started laughing after trying to get out a line about having to go pick up his prom dress.
Billy said he was working in radio in Boston at the time he got the job on Howard's show. He was addicted to drugs and even spent some time in jail. He said he was working up at WBCN when someone sent him a tape of this guy Howard Stern who was working down in Washington DC. The guy he was working for wanted him to recreate the bit so they could do it on the air there. Billy refused to recreate the bit so the guy threatened to fire him. Billy said he gave him his notice after that. We then hear from Gary who said that they were told that they were going to be hiring Billy to work at the station and they could utilize him for voices. Scott the Engineer also said a few words about that. Billy said when he started he was involved with ''Ren and Stimpy'' and ''Doug'' and wanted to get out of radio. He said his wife convinced them to let Billy come in 3 days a week so that's what he did for a while. Billy talked about doing his Lucy impression as she was dying and remembered hearing Gilbert Gottfried laughing his ass off on the show while that was going on. He said that's how he ended up getting involved with the show.
Gary said that he remembers the time they had al Michaels on the show and Billy's impression was so good that it was hard to tell which one of them was talking. That led into a clip from a show where Billy did his Al Michaels impression. Howard was trying to get him to repeat some lines he was doing during the break but Billy couldn't remember what he had said. They brought the real Al Michaels a short time later. They then had dueling Al Michaels' going back and forth. The real Al would have to tell people that he wasn't the voice people were hearing when Billy would make comments about him that weren't true.
Howard and Al spent a few minutes talking about various things while Billy kept quiet. Howard talked to Al about a bunch of various things including his friends Frank Gifford and Kathie Lee Gifford. Al told Howard that he's going to try and mention his name during the various sporting events that he'd be hosting that year. He said he was even going to try and name one of his horses ''Private Parts'' but that was already taken so they couldn't use it. They were talking about Frank Gifford so Billy did his impression of him getting upset about them bringing up his name on Stern's show. He also did a Kathie Lee impression.
Billy started to do his Al Michaels impression and said some nasty things about Ted Harbert who was working at ABC at the time. Al and Howard spent some time talking about Al's wife and how she was getting older but he has a good marriage. He said that he understands that people are going to change over the years. Then Billy started throwing in some comments about Kathie Lee Gifford in his Al Michaels voice. Al talked about where he lives and how he enjoys his life. He said Hal Linden lives across the street from him but he's only seen him once and it wasn't even in his yard. They had an earthquake one time and no one in the neighborhood came out of their house except he and his wife.
Howard talked to Al about playing golf and Billy came to life as Al again and said that when he hits the ball, he pictures it as Giff's face. He also threw in another line about Ted Harbert and sounded very much like the real Al Michaels. The real Al tried to change subjects so he could avoid getting into trouble with Billy's comments. Billy did a little more of his impression and made some comments about various people that Al knows trying to get him into trouble. Howard told Al that he's his favorite. He gave him some plugs and Billy threw out a few more lines about Giff and stuff like that.
After those interviews they went into a segment from an old show where Billy came in as Marge Schott and apologized to the blacks which she described using the N-word. Marge was apologizing to other ethnic groups and throwing out that N-word like crazy. She was also apologizing to the Chinks, Slope Heads and others. Jackie was laughing his ass off as Billy was saying all of that stuff.
In another clip Howard and Robin were going through some news stories and talking about a spokesperson for the NY Yankees who had made a comment about some kids playing basketball near the stadium and saying they were hanging off the hoops like monkeys. That got Billy into his Marge Schott impression again. He was saying all kinds of racist stuff about the blacks and others.
After that bit we heard from Gary again. Gary was saying that Billy was out in L.A. during the L.A. Riots thing and they called him to do the Marge Schott impression while he was in this hotel while people were rioting out there. He refused to do the bit because there was no way he was going to yell out the N-word while Los Angeles was burning. They went to break after that.
After those interviews they played an old show clip where they were going to surprise Billy by having the creator of Ren and Stimpy on the show to surprise Billy but Billy found out he was there when he showed up. Howard told the story about how Billy was hired to do the voice of Stimpy which was basically his Larry Fine voice. The creator of the cartoon came up with the Ren voice and did that for a while. Howard said the guy who created the cartoon was fired by Nickelodeon but Billy stuck around and did the voices for both characters, screwing over the guy who created it.
Howard had the creator of Ren and Stimpy, John Kricfalusi, come in to talk about what went on with the cartoon. Howard said he thought the cartoon was pretty minimal but John and Billy said it was actually pretty high end stuff compared to cartoons like Beavis and Butt-Head.
John told Howard it took him about 10 years to sell that show to actually get it on the air. Then he hired Billy to do the Stimpy voice. Then Nickelodeon fired him because he wasn't producing episodes fast enough. John said it was actually that they were producing too many shows and not spending enough money on them. He said they took over the show in the middle of the second season and finished off some of the stuff they had started already. John said he's really not upset with Billy for sticking with the show.
John said he did expect Billy to leave the show when he left because Billy told him he was going to do that. Then he and his agent called him up and said that they were going to pay Nickelodeon back by gouging them really good and get paid really well. John said that Billy sent him a box of red hots after he got the show and that was his cut of the show. Howard said it was obvious he was a little upset with Billy. John wouldn't say he was though.
John said that they have another cartoon coming up soon so it should be even more successful than the Ren and Stimpy thing. Howard asked Billy why he stuck with the show when maybe he should have been in solidarity with John and left the show. John said that about 50 people got fired, it wasn't just him. Howard said Billy probably didn't miss one night of sleep either. It was John's dream to do that whole cartoon.
Howard asked the woman who came in with John what he really thinks. She said that she wasn't there when it happened but from what she's heard, John was kind of upset with Billy. John said he thought that it was funny when Billy was on Conan O'Brien's show talking about how he created the character voices. Billy said he was just describing what those voices were a mix of, he never said he created them. Gary came in and said that some people from E! went over to interview John and found that he gets way into his readings and was throwing stuff around and smashing it during the taping.
Howard said it looked like John was shooting looks at Billy like he wanted to kill him. John asked if he could get into his George Licker character and read some stuff for him. Howard wanted to do some voices of his own first and did a little bit of his Jackie impression. He also did some impressions of Billy doing some of his voices. Then he let John do his George Licker character.
Robin asked Billy about having no remorse when all of that stuff went down. Billy joked that he had no remorse at all and didn't care about what had gone on. John admitted he never even saw the Conan thing, he said that someone taped it for him. John also said that he didn't make up that Ren voice, he stole that from Peter Lore.
Howard asked Billy and John if they wanted to make up and hug. John said he would do that and went over to give him a hug. Howard asked Billy if he wanted to apologize for anything. Billy said he was just applying his craft and didn't think there was anything to apologize for. John said he thinks that he should apologize to him for what went down. Billy didn't see it the same way and wouldn't apologize. John's assistant said she thinks that Billy should apologize and thank John for giving him that job and taking over that voice.
Billy was saying he didn't feel responsible for the 50 people who lost their jobs when John was fired. Howard told Billy to go sit down before John kicked his ass. The guys could feel the tension in the room. The assistant said Billy seemed very nervous this morning. Howard said he's not used to being in the spotlight like he was. John and his assistant were both saying that Billy's Ren character voice sounds very much like his Stimpy these days. They were kind of attacking him professionally now.
Gary came in and told Howard that Billy's wife/manager called and said that he has to call her immediately after this segment. Stuttering John came in and said that she was very angry and wanted him to call her as soon as that segment was done. Howard said that they should not have all of these wives calling into the show and bothering them like this. Gary said that Billy's wife said she would come on the air if they wanted her to. Billy okayed that so Gary went out to get her on the line.
Howard said they were going to get Billy's wife on the line and get her into the battle between John, his assistant Leslie and Billy. Howard gave John some plugs for his stuff and then Gary came in to say that Billy's wife wasn't going to come on the air. She didn't want to be painted as a moron if she did come on the air. Howard and the guys tried to get her to come on the air by putting that out over the air.
Howard said that John was out promoting this new comic book called ''Comic Book'' and his cartoon was in development for FOX. Howard said he enjoyed this whole thing so John said they should do it every day. Howard said Billy did kind of have a point when he said that they were going to produce the show with or without him so why not just stick with it. John still sounded kind of upset over the whole thing.
Howard told Billy to just say he's sorry already. He wouldn't do it so Howard said he loves that. Gary came back in and said that Billy's wife just won't come on the air. They know that there's something brewing there and it's not coming out so they're not sure exactly what's going on.
Gary and some of the other guys were mixed on whose side they were on in this whole thing. Howard also had his father Ben on the line to talk about what he thought they should do in this situation. Ben wanted to know what the relationship was when they were fired. John said that Billy was his employee at the time. He said that 50 people were fired and some of them went back with Billy when Billy went back to the show.
Billy was still refusing to apologize to John for what went on and some of the guys thought that was wrong. Billy said he was a good employee and John really shouldn't expect anything other than that from him. He and John went at each other for a couple more minutes but wouldn't get really angry, they just threw out a few digs at each other and disagreed over the way things went down. Howard wrapped up the interview and told John that he'd like to work for him sometime. He said he can do the same crap that Billy does. Howard asked John for his comments on cartoons like ''The Critic'' and some other ones that were on at the time. John said he loved Beavis and Butt-Head.
The Stern Spotlight show went to break after that segment was over.
They played the bit that Howard was talking about where Billy was doing his Jim Jensen impression as if he were drunk and doing his news reports. After that bit they played another one where Billy was doing his Pope impression in a commercial parody ''Just How To Exorcise.''
Howard and Robin had a few more words to say about Billy's impression of George Takei and how great it was when they had the two of them on the show together one time. Scott the Engineer explained how they had George on a satellite line while Billy sat in the studio as ''George Takei Jr.'' After explaining all of that they played that segment.
In the clip we hear Billy doing his impression of George for the real George. Howard spent some time talking to the real George about the book he wrote about his experiences on Star Trek. They talked about George's bad experiences with William Shatner. Billy would throw in a line here and there as George Jr. The real George would ask him to behave.
Howard took a call from a woman who was upset with George for talking about William Shatner the way he does. After arguing for a short time, Howard let her go and George Jr. called her a ''stupid bitch.'' Howard told George he was happy he called in to share his stories with them. Howard wrapped up with him and had Billy do some more of his George Jr. impression. He was talking about how his balls rattle when he speaks and goofing on William Shatner a little more. Howard had him pretending to snore and rattling the whole house with that.
After that segment there was another one where William Shatner was in. Billy did his George Takei Jr. impression during that interview as well. Howard spoke to Shatner about his horseback riding and an accident he had doing that. He also tried to figure out how much he's worth. Billy did his Takei impression a little more and had some fun making fun of the stuff they were talking about. Howard asked Shatner about the women he was with throughout his career. That led to George Takei Jr. Saying that he's seen Bill with pigs so bad that they'd make Stevie Wonder cringe. Howard wrapped up with Shatner a short time later.
In another clip Howard takes a phone call from a woman who said that Billy can only do about 3 real impressions, everything else he does is very similar to one of those three impressions. She said that she didn't like that Robin wasn't doing a Jackie impression and that Billy was taking them over. Robin said she does her Jackie impression back in the office, not so much on the air. Howard said Billy makes him laugh so that's what counts. Howard had Billy do some of his impressions for the woman since she thought they all sounded the same. Howard had him doing his Jay Leno, Marge Schott, Cardinal O'Conner and others. Billy did his black guy impression and then her Marge Schott and then the woman said if he wasn't going to be in the next day, she would tune in. Billy wondered why he was such an issue for this woman. She said she loves everyone but when Billy comes on, she thinks it sounds like the morning zoo type of show.
Howard ended up going off on Fred for finally coming to life after 20 years working with him. He said Fred wouldn't do impressions until Billy came on the show. Now the two of them do the same impressions and battle it out to see who can do the best. Howard told Billy he really does need a fire lit under his ass to get him to do more impressions. Fred was staying quiet and Billy was confused about what to do after all of that.
After that segment we heard a commercial parody for a show called ''Loose Cannibal'' which had Billy doing a Bishop Tutu impression with Fred doing a Shadoe Stevens impression. After that the spotlight show went to commercial break.
After hearing all of that they went into another episode of ''As the Barbecue Turns'' featuring Billy doing many voices. Then we heard ''Single Yellow Female'' which featured Wood Yi and Billy West as Soon Yee and others.
Fred was asked about Billy's impressions and talked about how the female voices he used to do were very impressive. He said that Billy's impression of Doris Day was amazing in a bit that they did one time. Howard played Rock Hudson and Billy was Doris Day and the voice he did really impressed him. They played that bit a short time later. They also played a song parody that Billy sang about Howard in a woman's voice.
They played another bit where Billy was doing his David Dinkens impression. Then another bit where he did his Dinkens impression and his Rudy Giuliani impression during a debate between the two of them. Then yet another one where Billy did his Mayor Dinkens impression.
Howard said that one of the bits he really loved was a Frank Sinatra bit that Billy did. They even turned that into a Channel 9 show bit. Gary and Billy said a few words about that bit. Billy talked about how he would get into those bits. after that they played the commercial parody for Frank's album ''I Remember What's Her Name.'' Billy played the part of Frank and Fred did the announcer voice for the commercial.
Fred and Robin talked about how Billy would come up with voices to throw in during the show. He would just come up with voices and do them even if they weren't scripted. Howard said one of his favorites was when Billy did Jim Backus, Mr. Magoo. That led into a segment where Billy did his Jim Backus impression not too long after Backus had passed away. Billy had Howard cracking up with his impression. Howard talked to Jim about his life and tried to find out who he banged over the years. They went through a bunch of other stuff about Gilligan's Island and things like that as well. Then Howard had Robin start her news while Billy continued to do his Jim Backus impression. Howard joked that he was upset that he couldn't get rid of Magoo thorugh the news. Billy kept up the impression through all of Robin's news.
after that we heard Howard talking about the prank calls they used to play on the show where a couple of guys would call this guy by the name of Red who had a very distinct voice. He and a couple of the other guys talked about how Billy did an impression of that guy and he'd do it on the show all the time. That led into a segment wehre Billy came into the studio as ''Red'' and did that impression for a while. Howard had a woman come in to talk to him so Red went off on her just like the old man in the phone calls would.
That was it for this first part of the Billy West Stern Spotlight. Billy West did a bunch of his voices at the end of the show and we were told this was just part 1 of the spotlight show. Part 2 airs tomorrow. This show ended around 11:25am.
Jackie said that Billy would be attacking him during those moments but he was throwing jokes at him so it was pretty crazy. Howard said the best moment with the Jackie Puppet was when Conan O'Brien came in and got attacked by the puppet. Howard said he recently asked him about that and thinks that it's one of the most requested moments on the show. Jackie and Artie also had some comments about that whole thing. Billy was also talking about how much that puppet looked like Jackie and how great it was.
After those new interviews they went into the audio from when Conan O'Brien came on the show and got attacked by the puppet. Howard and the guys were talking about Conan coming in and what they wanted to do. Then Billy came in as Jackie Puppet and started laughing as Jackie. Billy told some jokes as Jackie Puppet and continued to laugh just like Jackie. Howard said the puppet was kind of falling apart and they were taking care of it worse than Jackie takes care of himself. He even threw in a few jokes about Robin like the real Jackie would have done.
Ralph came in to let Howard know they had some party decorations to set up in the studio for the Conan appearance. Jackie Puppet started goofing on Ralph when he came in. Howard said he's totally amused by that puppet. Billy continued to laugh like the puppet as they were talking about him. He kept laughing as Jackie which made Howard laugh.
Howard had the guys bring Conan O'Brien in a short time later. Conan said hello to the puppet and the puppet immediately said ''Conan O'Byebye'' in reference to his show possibly being canceled. Conan didn't know what they were talking about so Howard told him there were people in the paper saying that his show might go away. Conan thought he was in pretty good shape. Jackie Puppet was goofing on Conan but also trying to get a job with Conan. Howard said the puppet is jealous over Conan's job, that's why he's so bitter and angry. Howard said it's better that the puppet pick on Conan than pick on him.
Howard was talking to Conan about going up against Tom Snyder in late night but Jackie Puppet was falling asleep hearing that. He goofed on him a little more and said that even when he's laying in the corner with no one working him, he's more interesting than Tom Snyder. Howard talked about his interview with Tom Snyder and how brilliant he thought he was during that interview. He said Tom is really awful and he's really not the type of guy who should be doing a talk show.
Howard said there seems to be a lot of pressure on Conan but Conan thinks that he's doing just fine against his competition. Jackie Puppet told him to get rid of Andy Richter and hire Mrs. David Letterman. He continued to laugh and joke around with Conan so Howard asked him to calm down so he could talk to Conan. He continued the interview without Jackie Puppet interrupting too much. Then the puppet came back and Howard noticed that it was kind of annoying Conan. Conan said he's used to puppets because he does a lot of stuff on his show with puppets.
Jackie Puppet went nuts with a bunch of jokes and interrupted the interview for a couple of minutes. Howard got back to Conan and asked him a few more questions. Jackie Puppet kept interrupting and goofing on Conan. Howard started to wrap up with Conan so Conan asked him if he would come on his show. Howard said a simple ''No'' but Jackie Puppet said there's a chance that he'd come on his show. Howard wrapped up with him a short time later.
After that segment they went into another segment where Gary was announcing an FME (F-Emmy) Award for ''Best Interaction with the Jackie Puppet.'' Howard got a drum roll and announced that Julie Selena, Playboy Playmate of the Year, was one of the finalists. He played a clip of that interview where the Jackie Puppet was making comments about her. Howard played some other clips of some of the other finalists in that category. Richard Lewis was one of them. The puppet was attacking him during his interview.
The next segment was Howard talking about the puppet missing a few fingers. Jackie Puppet was going nuts with his jokes. Howard said he was working on a puppet special where they would have puppets made up of each of them. Jackie Puppet interrupted and told some more jokes like ''What goes 10, 9, 8, 7...'' ''Bo Derek getting older!'' Jackie Puppet even farted and laughed hysterically. He told even more jokes and continued to laugh just like Jackie. Howard was laughing as well since the puppet made him laugh so much.
Howard talked about what they had coming up on the show and Pamela Anderson was going to be calling in. He said she wanted to address some allegations that she was on heroin. Jackie Puppet had to comment on that so he threw in some jokes about that. He also guzzled down some fake beer and let out a belch. Robin tried asking him some questions but he was making some black jokes about her.
In another segment Howard was goofing on Jackie about a movie he had done. That got Billy started in with the puppet. He was telling Howard that he has plenty going on in his career. That segment didn't last too long. They went right into another segment where Sally Kirkland came on the show and got attacked by the Jackie Puppet. Howard had Sally come in and asked her about her sex life which got Jackie Puppet started. Jackie Puppet was talking about her great cans and said that everyone should enjoy those beauties.
Howard talked about Sally about her coming on the show one time and asking him to audition her for his movie. They spent a minute on that and then Howard asked her if she was going to freak out and cry on the show again like she did last time. Sally was over rubbing Howard's shoulders and started rubbing too hard when he started making fun of her religion. Gary said he remembers Sally asking Howard to be the godmother for his daughter Ashley. Howard said she got mad at him for not doing that for her. Sally said she got her daughter a bunch of gifts but Howard said he threw them right in the garbage. Jackie Puppet came to life again and kept talking about penetration and how he wanted to ''go up'' on her.
Sally got on Howard's lap and Billy let out a fart so Howard asked Sally if that was her. She said she didn't do that at all. Sally was telling Howard she's going to get some plastic surgery done when she goes on Geraldo's show. Jackie Puppet told her not to touch those big cans of hers. Sally then took Howard's hand and put it on her breast. Howard asked if he could touch again and then again a few seconds later. He figured he was cheating on his wife at that point. Howard asked her if he could rub her ass and started to do that stuff. Howard asked Sally if it was true that she once asked for her co-star to have actual penetration with her in a movie scene. She said that she and Rip Torn had a past and they had been in love for years. They were cast in a movie together and when they had this sex scene, she asked if they could put a stationary camera in the room and let them do it for real. She said that Rip was a great lover too and
Howard let Sally plug some stuff. She said she had a movie coming out and told Howard about that for a few minutes. Howard wanted to see how Sally does a scene from her movie. She got into that for a few seconds but Howard didn't spend much time on that. He wrapped up with her and gave her a few more plugs. She was looking to give Howard some of her art so she dug that out and gave it to him. Howard thanked her for coming in as Jackie Puppet asked for a goodbye feel. They went to commercial break after that.
Billy was also interviewed about that and said that he really appreciated being on the show and exposed to so many people. He said he was ready to leave radio though because Ren and Stimpy was doing very well. He said he didn't want to be part of that whole radio station thing anymore. His wife was the one who actually convinced him to stay there as long as he did. Billy said he left over money because there was none there. He said he was lucky to have gone where he did when he got into the business. He said he likes to work and he moved to L.A. To get as much work as possible. He said he's working on his own pilot for a show and he's done some new Futurama DVD movies that will be out eventually. Artie was interviewed and said he was shown a stack of pay-stubs from Billy's voice over work and it was amazing how many they had at the talent agency where he was working.
After those interviews they went right into the ''Lost in Space 1990'' bit. Billy played many of the parts in the bit. He played the part of Dr. Smith, Major West and the young Will Robinson. Howard played the robot.
After that bit they played a segment where Howard was going to be interviewing the guy who played the real Will Robinson from ''Lost in Space'' and Billy West was going to play the part of Dr. Smith. Howard talked about some of the goofy episodes and story lines in those old shows for a few minutes. They also talked about Dr. Smith and how he came off kind of gay on that show but no one was sure if he was gay for real. Billy went into his Dr. Smith voice and goofed on that guy a little bit.
Howard had Bill Mumy on the phone and Bill was playing along with Billy's Dr. Smith a little bit. He said that Dr. Smith was supposed to have been killed off after the 6th episode but they kept him around as the villain on the show. Billy did his voice some more and made a lot of gay references as he was doing that. Howard thought that's the way it seemed to come across on the show. Howard talked to Bill about the people he worked with on the show and what they were like. Billy would throw in the Dr. Smith voice often. Billy got in a plug for his band and the album they had out. He also had no idea it was Billy West doing the voice of Dr. Smith. He was talking about how he had done some Ren and Stimpy stuff recently but had no idea it was Billy doing that voice.
Howard and Bill talked about the show some more and what happened to some of the people he worked with. Howard checked out his band's album and that led to Dr. Smith saying that he was going to get a copy and do his mess all over it. Howard played some of the album while Dr. Smith screamed in the background. Bill asked Billy to give it a rest after a while. He seemed to be getting annoyed with him over it. Howard played another track and Billy went nuts yelling even more. Bill asked Billy how many cups of coffee he had this morning. He was on fire.
By the end of the interview Bill was saying he didn't miss Dr. Smith after hearing Billy's comments. Howard wrapped up with Bill and let him go as Billy was still yelling out as Dr. Smith. Howard figured Bill hated them after all of that. Howard spent a little more time with Dr. Smith before wrapping up that segment.
Howard was asked about Billy's Cardinal O'Connor voice so he talked about that a little bit before they played a bit where Billy played that part. It was a parody of an alien invasion movie called ''The Cardinal Vs. Earth'' where Cardinal O'Connor who was fighting the aliens.
In another bit we hear Billy doing his Cardinal O'Connor voice and doing a phony commercial. After that they played a ''A Current Affair'' commercial parody where Billy was doing the voice of Maury Povich's wife Connie Chung. Then they had another bit where they showcased many of Billy's voices. They were goofing on other morning radio programs.
We heard another edition of ''As the Barbecue Turns'' with Janie the Cleaning Lady and Ted the Janitor playing along with Billy West who was playing the part of Mayor Dinkens.
After all of that we heard from Robin and Gary about the ''nig*er Hatin' Hat'' bit that Billy used to do on the show. Gary talked about the guy who sang the song and how Billy took that whole thing and ran with it on the show. After they commentated on it, they went right into the news segment where Robin brought up the death of a guy who was in the Marshal Tucker Band. That led to Fred doing an impression of the guy singing. Howard asked what other songs they performed so Fred went into some of their other stuff. That's when Howard said that the guy used to wear one of those big cowboy hats that they call a ''nig*er hatin' hat.'' That got Billy singing the ''nig*er Hatin' Hat'' song. They spent a couple of minutes talking about the hat and goofing around with that before going to break.
After that we heard a segment from an old show where Howard had Billy come in as ''Mandella.'' Billy came in a short time later and Shelly the Typist was trying to feel him up as he came in. Billy was doing some visual stuff and apparently forgetting that he was only on radio. Billy was doing his black voice and mumbling out his lines. He was also laughing with a wheezing laugh and talking gibberish saying that was some South African language that had no translation.
Howard told ''Mandella'' that he was an enigma to him so Mandella asked him not to call him that. Howard told him to go ahead and barrel through the script without doing a lot of ad-libbing. Howard continued to talk to Mandella and he was saying he doesn't understand how Oprah got a man. He also didn't understand one of Howard's sponsors which was some kind of mailbox thing. Howard and Robin said they didn't understand those things either. Mandella told Howard that Oprah is just ''Zsa Zsa with a spear.'' Howard told Mandella it was a shame that he had all of that cotton in his mouth as Mandella was trying to get out some lines. Howard asked Mandella what he would do if he took over in South Africa and what kind of flag he'd want. Mandella said they'd have a chicken leg and a rib in a cross on their flag. Mandella said that he doesn't understand (Richard) Belzer either. He also said he doesn't understand why his wife turned out so ugly after he was in jail for 24 years.
Mandella was joking about the death of Jim Henson as well so he was all over the place with his discussions. He also said he wanted to sing them a song. He warmed up a little bit but didn't get to the song right away. The segment was edited to a point after a commercial break. Gary came in and told Howard that they had a call from a woman who said that this was the most racist stuff she's ever heard. She let him know that and hung up right after she gave them her thoughts.
Howard had Mandella perform his song which was done to the tune of part of a George Thouroughgood song. He was just singing it to the opening guitar riff of one of those songs. Robin was making fun of him a little bit so Mandella threatened to cut her with his knife if she kept that up. Mandella did more of the babbling he was doing earlier. He said that was stuff that they couldn't interpret.
Howard had Mandella sing more of his song after that. Mandella sang about how not all blacks are lazy and shiftless like people think. He also decided to spell out his name in the song. He sang some other stuff that rhymed but didn't make much sense. He came out of the song and asked Jackie to help him out with a joke book. Mandella was done with his song so Howard told him to cool out for a few minutes. Howard started singing along to the music that Mandella was singing too. He had his own lyrics but needed some help from Mandella to spell out the word Skank.
Howard wanted to send Stuttering John out on the street to interview some people about the whole Mandella thing. He went to the wireless and tried to get John on but there was no one there. It took a couple of minutes but John showed up. He was out on the street so Howard asked him to go up to people and ask them if they knew what Nenson Mandella had done. John asked a woman if she knew but when she found out it was for Howard Stern, she ran off saying she didn't want to be on that one. John tried to get some other people on the street but some didn't want to talk to him. One woman finally spoke to him and gave her thoughts on what Nelson Mandella had done. She had a little bit of an idea and seemed to know what she was talking about. John went up to some other people and found a guy who had no idea what he had done and didn't care.
Howard was going to move on to the news so he asked Mandella if he had anything else to add to the discussion. Mandella spent a little more time reading some poems until Howard cut him off. He let him say a few more words about various things. Mandella continued to go through some stuff he had written down. He also sang a little more for Howard and the guys. Robin was going through her news but Mandella would come in once in a while with more of his goofy comments. He sang some more of his tunes during the news segment. Howard got in on that as well. He also continued to play the guitar riff during some of Robin's news reports. They went to commercial break after that.
Sternac read a bunch of his jokes and then Ed handed him the envelopes for the bit but forgot what he was supposed to say. Howard was saying he was wishing that Ed was Larry Fine all of a sudden. Howard ripped open each envelope and read through the jokes they had in each one. Howard ended up complaining about the jokes being too long. He went through them anyway and had Ed repeating after him. They went pretty far for some of the jokes. One of the answers was ''You put your left foot in, you put your left foot out, you put your left foot in and you shake it all about..'' and the question was ''How do you make love to Roseanne Barr?''
After that segment we heard an ''Ed McMad'' commercial parody for a phony Star Search thing. Then they went into a segment where Howard spoke to private detective Bo Dietle. Howard talked to him about how they had offered him some security for when he went to his book signing. He wasn't expecting a $540 bill from him though. That led to Billy doing an impression of Bo after he got off the phone. Billy was goofing on the way he was laughing and talking fast to Howard. That eventually led to Howard and Robin doing another Sternac the Improbable with Billy as Ed McMahon (McMad).
Sternac went through his jokes like ''Christopher Walken'' ''What will the Reeve family will never see?'' Howard had another one which was ''Mine Shaft... What does Arnold Schwarzenegger call his penis?'' He went through a bunch of others as well. He had one answer that was ''That ball is going, going, gone.'' The question was ''Do the play by play for Richard Belzer's cancer operation.'' The final one was ''A pussy with big lips.'' The question for that one was ''What do you get when you cross Baba Booey with a cat?''
After that segment we heard another Ed McMad commercial parody where he was apologizing for being such a mess. He also asked for women to send him their pictures.
We heard another Sternac the Improbable bit after that. Ed didn't have an intro to read so Robin had to take over and do it for him. Howard, as Sternac, took some phone calls during that segment. He was going to predict the future of a caller if they could just play along with him. One guy asked if he would ever get married. Howard was actually reading a Magic 8-Ball for his answers and said ''Replay hazy...'' instead of ''Reply hazy...'' at one point. He said he was reading it upside down so that's why he screwed it up. He took a few more calls and gave a few more people some lame answers for their questions.
Howard moved on to do his Sternac stuff so here are a couple of the answers and questions...
That all led into a recording session where they were recording some Pete Fornatel promos. Billy was playing the part of Pete and goofing on his voice. Billy also did his black voice for the bit. We heard Howard instructing Billy on how to do his voices and stuff. Then we heard the edited version of that recording session which turned into a fully produced commercial parody bit.
There were more Pete Fornatel bits after that one. We heard those and also heard ''All in the Pat Cooper Family'' TV show parody with Billy as the announcer for that bit. After that we heard Billy calling into the show as Robin Williams who was all over the place with his goofy jokes, just like the real Robin Williams. Then Billy switched to his Bobcat Goldthwait voice and did that for a short time. Larry Fine from the Three Stooges was on the phone after Bobcat. Then Howard picked up on Magoo which was Billy again.
We heard a ''Lifestyles of the Rich and Dicky'' bit in which Billy did the voice of Regis Philbin's wheelchair bound son. Howard played Howard Leach and Fred did the voice of Regis. Billy did a couple of other voices like Kathie Lee and DJ Tony Pigg.
We heard a bit where Billy played the part of Rudy Giuliani who was talking about some of the strange things that came out about him during an election. After that one we heard another Rudy Giuliani bit in which Rudy talks about marrying his cousin and stuff like that.
Howard talked about Billy's impression of Leona Helmsley a little bit. Gary also talked about that impression and then they went into a segment where Billy was doing his Leona impression and speaking to Howard about various things that were in the news about her. Howard went into his Mama Lookaboobooday character for a short time during that segment. Leona started making comments about Mama during that bit. They went into another segment where Billy called into the show as Leona Helmsley again. That led into a commercial parody about Leona featuring Billy West of course. Howard spoked to Leona on the phone for a short time after that and then played yet another commercial parody about Leona. Howard wrapped up with Leona after that and let her go.
We heard more of Billy's Leona impression in another commercial parody. Then we heard another segment where Howard had Leona on the phone to talk about some stuff that was in the news about her. Leona was supposed to be crying but it sounded more like she was laughing when Howard picked up the phone. She continued to cry as Howard was going over what had been happening to her. She made a lot of racist comments during that discussion.
Scott the Engineer talked about how Billy West's Larry Fine voice and just how great that was. Billy West also talked about how he was the only person who ever seemed to care about that voice. He mentioned that they used the voice in many, many bits, as many as the possibly could. Scott the Engineer said Billy did that voice perfectly. Gary said that voice was something that Billy had picked up from an old tape that was circulating around years ago. He said he heard that one of Larry's family members actually wrote to Billy and thanked him for doing that voice so well. They were somehow comforted by the voice because it was so spot on. Gary said they came up with a bunch of bits for him to do as Larry Fine. That led into the classic ''Woodstock Minute'' in which Billy plays the part of Larry Fine. They had Larry hanging out at Woodstock and talking about a lot of what went on there.
After the Woodstock Minute bit we heard from Howard about how he would love to have Billy back on the show. He's sure they could pick up right where they left off. Scott the Engineer said he'd love to have him back as well. Artie and Gary also said they'd like to have him back. Gary said the invitation is open but he's not even going to ask him anymore. He said Billy knows that they want him back so he's welcome at any time. When he's ready to come back, he'll come back. Robin said they tried to get him back many times but Billy never did want to do it. Billy, doing his black voice, talked a little bit about how he'd like to go after Robin and get her when he gets out of prison. As this was going on there were commercials playing over Billy as he was doing the black impression. Billy also did some more of his Marge Schott during that time so that was all screwed up with the commercials playing over him. Billy went into his Jackie Puppet impression and talked a little bit about Tom Chiusano being cheap. He also talked about Ralph a little bit as Jackie Puppet. Gary and Fred were also mentioned and then he talked the real Jackie. Billy then went into his own voice and said he's happy for Howard going to do satellite radio and he's been following his career over the years. He thanked Howard for the years he gave him on the air. He wished him luck after that. Then we heard from Howard again. Howard said that Billy was a lot of fun to hang out with off the air and he didn't burn any bridges with him so he's happy to have been able to work with him. They ended the Spotlight special around 12:05pm.
Howard started off the show calling himself ''Nutty Fruitcake'' and then talking about how he was going to be an announcer at a concert but he decided not to do it. He said he was supposed to call Steve Kingston about it but he forgot to do that. He knows Kingston wants him to do it and it would be fun, but he just can't do it.
Howard said that KC once had a psychiatric evaluation when he was 9 years old and he got a hold of it so he wanted to read it on the air. His mother apparently got a hold of it somehow and gave it to KC to read. He doesn't understand why anyone would do that to their kid though. He said KC's teacher said that there was something wrong with KC and he wasn't reacting to stuff in class and forgets what he's doing. He also fails to pay attention and can't even stay in line during class. Jackie thought it sounded like things hadn't changed much since then.
Howard said the teacher wrote all of that up and then suggested that he get a psychiatric evaluation. Howard read through the notes he had from the evaluation and pointed out all of the problems he's got. KC was asked what he would do in his life after school and he wanted to play baseball and get rich. Howard and Fred thought that was pretty normal for a 9 year old.
The psychiatrist found that KC's drawings of people were kind of odd. They didn't have hands or fingers and they were more like a 4 year old's drawings. KC came in and said he thought it sounded like any normal kid when he was reading it. Howard said a lot of it does sound normal but he had more to read. He read about a drawing KC did of a person that was very big and looked very odd. KC also failed to write his name and address which is something a 9 year old should be able to do. KC said he's really not crazy though.
Howard read some more about KC and told him it sounds like they're calling him crazy. They wrote that he may have difficulty doing certain tasks and understanding. They said that KC told a story about a man getting beaten up which was kind of violent for a 9 year old. He even talked about a guy buying a violin and breaking it over his mother's head. He was drawing pictures of women that were out of proportion and it seemed like he was thinking a lot about his mother.
Robin said she fears for her life when she hears that stuff. In the notes Howard had they found that KC had violent thoughts about people and both of his parents had to go to therapy over all of that stuff. Howard said his old man would have killed him if he had to go to therapy over him. KC said he thinks that's just a normal kid with an imagination. Howard and Robin disagreed with him on that. Howard thinks that he's mental.
KC said that every kid who's 9 wants to be a baseball player. Howard said he didn't. He told KC that the stuff he thinks about is crazy. He took a call from a guy who said that this is enough of KC and he should move on. Howard said they had Snoop Dogg coming in as well as Elephant Boy. He then complained about the hiss they had coming out of the microphones this morning. He went through the microphones to try and find which one it was but it was still there. He had to go to break after that.
Howard couldn't get off of what Jackie had just said so he spent a short time going off on him. He eventually told Jackie that he's a loser and he knows that he doesn't really want to be there on the show. He said if he did want to be there, he wouldn't have to try and keep him there every time he walks off the show.
Howard took a call from this woman Tiffany whose web site they had checked out recently. She was calling in to thank Howard for plugging the site even though he didn't have to. She said that she was very happy to have met so many of his listeners when they visited her site. She thought it was really cool of him to have done that. Howard let her go after that and talked about how cool the internet can be when it comes to stuff like that.
Howard said there was an article about Donald Trump in the paper today about his break up with his wife Marla. They also had a picture of his new girlfriend. He said she's beautiful too. The guys all checked out the picture and agreed that she was very beautiful. They tried to pronounce her name but had some trouble with that. Everyone had a different pronunciation of the name. Robin wondered if they had true love. Howard said that doesn't matter.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a pool guy. Howard interrupted him and said that's got to be a great job. The caller said he was at one house and saw Cameron Diaz naked in this house he was working at. He said he had peeked inside when he saw her naked. He didn't have a camera with him though, otherwise he would have taken some pictures. Howard said Cameron is a piece of ass. He got back to Trump's girlfriend and talked about how hot she is too.
Howard said he read a story about a model who was raised in Somalia. He said he read that when she was 6 years old a gypsy woman came over and tied her down to remove her clitoris. They actually remove a lot of the labia during that operation as well. The model had to suffer through that and hasn't been able to pee since then. The model remembered the event and told the story in the article Howard was reading. They actually remove a lot of the labia and then sew up the wound so all she can do is pee. The hole left for her to pee was about the size of a match stick.
Howard said that was some pretty heavy stuff there. He said the model went to England and she ended up being a housekeeper or kind of a slave. She eventually became a super model after an agent handed her a card that she wasn't able to read. She said she held the card for a couple of years because she wasn't able to read English. Gary came in and said he read that she can't enjoy sex even though she had an operation to repair the damage that was done to her. She can pee now but will never be able to enjoy sex.
Howard ended up talking about these extreme sports guys who do crazy stuff like surfing giant waves and roller blade down mountains and stuff. He figures they just get bored with other stuff and have to do this crazy stuff. Gary said there was one guy who threw a car out of an airplane and ended up getting hit when the car banged into him. They talked about how they did some dumb stuff when they were kids but not as crazy as some of these guys.
Howard said there are some guys who are over 30 who are doing that kind of crazy stuff. Gary said that Ralph is still hanging on the back of trucks with his roller blades. Howard said he actually stopped doing that after he got hit by a car.
Robin told a story about going on vacation to another country and how awful that experience was. She said it turned into a nightmare. Howard said there are plenty of places to vacation at in this country. He said that Arizona is really nice and so is Myrtle Beach and some places in Florida. He said he can have great vacations right here in this country.
Howard talked about going to England a couple of times and how gross the food was over there. He said he went to France one time and that was an awful experience as well. He said he was trying to get some help in the airport but had trouble using the phone and the woman there gave him an attitude when he asked for help.
Gary said there are a lot of great things to see around the world but Howard said he doesn't care if he ever sees them in person. He said he's seen them on TV and that's enough for him. Gary mentioned the Sistine chapel and told him that people get yelled at if they talk in there. Howard said he would just blow a fart in there if he was told to be silent. He went on to complain about what a hassle it is to go to other countries. He also said there are some great restaurants right there in New York City that he'd rather eat at.
Howard talked about going to Jumby Bay and how he did enjoy that. He said he hates that he has to use a passport to get there but it was a nice place. He said he's always afraid to go to other countries like that. He said the place is kind of safe because they even ship out the employees at night so the only people left on the island are guests. He said everything was cool there but he does get nervous at night. He said he remembers talking to Robin Leach about living there and how the government was changing because of a revolution that was going on at the time.
Robin said she knew some school teachers that built a house down in Mexico and lived like millionaires down there. She said that they built a really nice house but right next door was a shack. He can't imagine living like that. Howard said he went to Mexico 22 years ago and he's never going back. He said that Epcot Center is foreign enough for him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he knew that Howard knew what he wanted to say. Howard cut him off and said he had no idea what he wanted to say and wondered why he couldn't communicate. The guy was trying to explain himself but Howard said he still doesn't know what he's getting at. He told the guy he was a poor communicator so the guy asked Howard if he's infinitely entertaining. The guy was saying that Howard won't tackle his own fears and kept repeating that. Howard said ''what a dick'' and said that he was ready to jump out a window after that conversation. He went to break right after that.
Howard told the guys to bring Elephant Boy in. He said he told Elephant Boy he could come in and sit there for an hour or so. He hadn't been there for a while. Elephant boy came in and so did Mike Gange. Mike was there to give the guys an update on what was coming up on TV today. He mentioned the Oprah Winfrey show and what was coming up on that.
Howard said that Elephant Boy got so lonely that he started trying to find men. He said it must be tough for a guy to do that. Howard said he thinks that Elephant Boy is gay if he does that stuff but Elephant Boy didn't think he was. Howard told him that if he does it once, he's gay. Elephant Boy said he thought he was going to be alone for the rest of his life and he did try to find someone that way. He claimed he crossed that line because of that loneliness.
Howard asked Elephant Boy if he's seeing anyone now. He said he's seeing a woman from Cleveland and he may be getting married some day. He said it's getting kind of serious. He said hi to her as he was talking about her. Elephant Boy said he's been seeing this woman for 5 years or so. He met her at the Cleveland funeral show that Howard did. He said he spends his vacations with her. He said she even likes talking to him. Howard asked him if they've ever had phone sex. Elephant Boy said they did that in the beginning but they don't do it much anymore.
Howard asked Elephant Boy to tape his phone sex because he'd love to hear it. Robin asked him if he's going to be a dad if he marries this woman. She's got some kids of her own so he would be their father. He said he would like to be the good guy in that marriage. He said the kids get to see their real father every other weekend so they know him too. Elephant Boy said that he's still living with his mother at this point. He doesn't live in the big house anymore though, they live in a small apartment. Howard said they have to make a documentary about his life.
Howard had Gange get back to his TV update. He mentioned some upcoming shows and an ''All in the Family'' marathon that was coming up. The Sopranos was going into reruns on HBO so he mentioned that. Howard asked for someone to send him the last 3 episodes of Spawn if they had them.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked Elephant Boy where he's been lately. That led to Elephant Boy telling a story about going out and getting laid even while he was with this girlfriend of his. He said he told her about it and there was no way he could avoid doing what he did. He said he's only human. The woman on the phone said she's seen him out at nude beaches and he's very sociable there. She said she goes to the beach herself and she's never noticed if he's got a small penis or not. Howard said if he was small, she would have noticed. That means he must be pretty big.
Howard asked Elephant Boy how many guys he's been with. He claimed it was only one guy. A phone caller told Howard that his babysitter used to make him suck his cock. Howard told him he can't say that stuff on the air so he had to hit the delay button.
Howard said that this guy C. Everett Coop, former Surgeon General, has made millions on the web. He said the web site the guy runs went public and the shares shot up like crazy when he went public. The site is nothing though. He said he doesn't understand what the hype is all about. The site had lost $24 million since it started but the stock made it worth $450 million. Howard said it's absurd to think that the site is going to be huge one day. Howard and the guys spent a short time talking about that and also how people are buying up domain names and trying to sell them. Howard said he managed to get his own name on the internet but there are people out there who want their own names but they can't even get them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a lifeguard at a place in New Jersey and he's seen Elephant Boy there. Elephant Boy said he goes there to play games like Volleyball and stuff like that. The caller said he thinks that Elephant Boy is gay. He said he saw him massaging another guy in the locker room there. Elephant Boy claims that's not true and he never did that there. He figured the guy was just trying to get on the air. He said he would tell Howard if he was actually doing something like that. He told Howard to get that a-hole off the air.
Gary said that Fred (Elephant Boy) is like the gentlest guy in the world until they get on that subject. Then he freaks out. Howard said that he's a little uptight and maybe he shouldn't get so upset when someone makes a comment that's not true. Howard said he would just laugh if someone said something like that about him. Fred told the guys that he is ruling out men all together and has no desire to be with them. He said he's sticking to women.
A woman called in and told Howard to get rid of this guy because he's boring and he's been boring for a long time. She said it's hard to understand him. She went off on him for a short time and said she could do his voice just as bad as he does. Fred went off on her and told her that he can't control the way he talks, that's who he is. He said he's not normal so he's not happy like her. Gary said he finds Fred fascinating, unlike that woman.
Another caller said that this is supposed to be the busiest time of the morning and they're giving us 20 minutes of boring stuff like Elephant Boy and Mike Gange talking about what's on TV. Howard said he doesn't care what this guy thinks, he does stuff for himself and if he doesn't like it, he doesn't have to listen. Howard said he likes Elephant Boy and that's why he puts him on. He kept telling the guy he didn't care what he thought, all he's ever cared about is himself. Howard told the guy to go listen to some other show, like the Morning Zoo. The caller kept complaining about Fred and said something that set him off. Fred called him an asshole and said he doesn't know anything about him. Howard let the caller go a short time later.
Another caller told Howard that it might be time for him to give up on the show. He seemed to agree with the previous caller about the boredom. This guy also called Robin fat and used the N-word as he was describing her. That guy went off on everyone on the show. Howard let him go on for a couple of minutes. They were laughing though so the guy was kind of amusing.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Elephant Boy is a great guest. Howard said he agrees and it's his decision to put him on and he thinks it's the right decision. Howard let that guy go and asked Elephant Boy if he ever burns his penis out on the nude beach. Fred said he puts suntan lotion on it and he's never really out in the sun that long to get burned. Howard wrapped up with him after that and gave him a plug for an appearance he was making. He said he was getting nauseous just thinking about him rubbing that lotion on his penis. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said they're working on a new contest there to give away a trip to some porn event. One listener wants to come down and fellate Benjy to win the trip. Howard said Benjy was actually thinking about making out with the guy.
Howard moved brought up Snoop Dogg who had requested some good weed during his pre-interview. Howard said they didn't come through with that for him so there's no need to call the cops. He also said that their former camera woman Tara showed up to meet Snoop because she's such a huge fan of his. Gary said she started dancing as soon as they started playing his music.
Howard said that Tara came in really early just to see Snoop. She's really into his music and she's been into it since his first album. She thought the album was great and has been a fan even though she hasn't listened to him in the last 5 years or so. Robin thought that was kind of crazy for her to run down to meet him when she hasn't been listening to him for 5 years. Howard said Snoop is going to think that he can bang her if she meets him. Robin wondered if Tara could ''talk black'' so Howard told her to do it. He knew she could do it but she wasn't playing along.
Howard told Tara she could meet Snoop but he wanted to do it on the air because it might be more interesting that way. She figures that she might freeze up and have nothing to say to him. Howard said he gets the feeling that she has a black guy fetish or something.
Howard played some of Snoop's music and talked about how he requested the weed in his pre-interview. That led to him playing some of Jackie's ''Pot Song.'' Howard said it's basically the same type of song Snoop sings but with Jackie's spin on it. Jackie said it's like 180 degrees off from the Snoop stuff. They played Jackie's ''Cold Gold'' song after that. They goofed on him about that for a short time.
Howard said a couple of years ago he started his production company and tried to create some stuff. He said he'll have some big announcements to make pretty soon. He's going to be the executive producer of a show that they'll be shooting at the end of the summer for FX. He said it's going to be a half hour sitcom and it will be very funny. He's going to talk about that stuff in the coming weeks. He said they're working on some other stuff that they'll be announcing. They're working with Tracy Torme and they'll be announcing that stuff soon as well. He mentioned that Tim Stack was going to be starring in this sitcom he was working on but he was going to leave it at that.
Howard said he has another story to talk about but he's not ready to get into that on the air yet either. Robin wanted to know what that was about but Howard said he might have to talk about that off the air. Howard said he had to go to break but he wanted to play some clips and stuff first.
Howard had some tape of Jesse Ventura to play. Gary came in and tried to help him out with that stuff. They didn't play the Jesse Ventura tape, Howard ended up playing a Miss Universe clip instead. They listened to Miss Spain giving an answer to a question and goofed around with that for a short time. They went through some of the other contestant's answers to the questions they were asked.
Howard wondered what was up with Snoop because he was supposed to have been there already. He said he's kind of shocked that the guy would be late like that. Gary said he's surprised because they booked the interview over a month ago. He went to break a short time later after KC told him that Snoop was about 5 minutes away.
Howard quickly moved on to Snoop Dogg who was there to promote his album ''Bitch Please.'' He played some of the album as Snoop was coming in. He said Snoop had major gold jewelry around his neck. He talked to him about that a little bit and then got right into the pot discussions. Snoop said he's been smoking since his uncle introduced him to it at the age of 7. Gary said he could smell the cannabis coming from the green room when he was out in the hall. Howard said he remembers all the brothers smoking that stuff when he was in 8th grade. They'd even smoke it in health class.
Snoop said he got kicked out of school for doing that when he was in 12th grade. Robin wondered how he gets away with that stuff now since everyone knows he smokes. Snoop said that the cops recognize him and just let him go. He also said that there's a medical condition that he has that helps him get out of it. He said there was nothing specific, he's just sick. Howard played some of Jackie's pot song for Snoop and Snoop said it was like some Country hip-hop.
Snoop said that it's time for him to move on and he's not doing it doggy style anymore. He said it's kind of like the way Gary Coleman doesn't want to be Arnold anymore. Howard asked Snoop about getting married a couple of years ago. Snoop said they've been together for a long time but just made it official a couple of years back. Robin said there was no big deal made about that back then. Howard said that's the white media trying to cover up when a black man does the right thing.
Howard told Snoop that they had their old camera woman Tara there to meet him. She came in a few seconds later and Howard said she's like a model type. He asked her if she would sleep with Snoop. Tara said she didn't know. She asked if she could sit next to him instead of stand. Snoop said that was cool so she went over to sit there. She said she started listening to him when she was 22 and it was a guy she was with who introduced her to his music. Howard said that Snoop must be beating the women away these days. He was pretty sure that sleeping with a white woman wouldn't be cheating on his wife. Howard said he'd make a good president thinking that way.
Tara said she didn't really have anything to say to Snoop, she just wanted to meet him because she was such a fan of his music. Howard wanted her to sing some of his stuff but she was too embarrassed to do it. Howard wanted her to prove that she knew the words to his songs. She refused to do it. Then Snoop helped her get started and she recited some of the lyrics. Howard said that was unbelievable. Then she wanted to sing more of his stuff and started singing another one of his songs.
Tara told Snoop that he smelled like Chronic so Robin pointed out that she was talking black. Howard wanted her to talk more like that but she didn't think she was doing anything different. Howard said this must be kind of complimentary to Snoop. KC interrupted and said they had a girl out there who wanted to get topless for Snoop. She came in a short time later and Howard told her that she wasn't a bad looking broad but she was a little overweight. She said she likes bigger boobs so she keeps the weight on to keep them big. She showed Snoop her boobs a short time later. Snoop sounded pretty happy about seeing them but Howard told her that she should be ashamed of herself.
Howard talked to Snoop about his kids and asked when he's going to let them smoke weed. Snoop said he's hoping they don't do what he did but if they do, it's on them. He said he thinks it's alright to do it but he's not going to make them do it or anything. He used to smoke in front of the kids but they're old enough to tell him not to do it anymore.
Snoop said he smokes about an ounce of a day. Even Jackie was blown away by that statement. Snoop said that's about 35 joints a day. Tara asked him how he has any time to do anything else during the day. Snoop said that's just him doing his thing every day. He said when he's done in there, he's going to go roll one up out in the green room. Gary told Howard he thinks his friends have started without him out in the green room.
Howard asked Snoop if he's trying to drown out his childhood pain when he smokes the weed. He asked Snoop about his father and found out the guy was kind of an outlaw. Snoop said he was in Vietnam and his parents broke up when he got back from 'Nam. Snoop said that he wasn't raised by his biological father, he didn't find that out until he was about 9. He said it was kind of confusing to him back then when he found all of that out. Howard said he's hoping that his father isn't really his real father.
Howard said the guy who got Snoop started on pot was his uncle. Snoop said he remembers that guy doing the pimping and stuff like that. He started getting laid when he was 13 or so thanks to his uncle. He said he knew a whole lot of ho's when he was growing up so that's why his pimp hand is strong now. Robin wondered what that meant and if he had women. Snoop said he has a stable of women and that's a side business he runs. They can do him all kinds of favors and get him weed and stuff like that.
Howard asked Snoop about being in a gang and wondered if there's any way out for him. Snoop said that they wouldn't bother him these days because of the status he has. He told Howard about selling coke when he was in the gang and how he was making money for himself. He said he was ''Ghetto Fabulous'' which meant he had a lot of money for a guy living in the ghetto. He went to jail for a little while and then met up with another guy and started the record making stuff. He said that jail showed him that it was no place for him so he didn't want to go back there.
Howard asked Snoop how he knew Cameron Diaz because it said he was friends with her in the notes he had. Snoop said she was a friend of a friend of his. He was also talking about how he would steal from his white friend's families. He said it worked out well because he was bussed into the white school neighborhoods and bussed back home after he ripped them off. Tara was telling Snoop that he could rob her mother anytime.
Robin asked Snoop if he's still using the five finger discount. He said he's got guys who do that for him now when he goes out. He said they'll fill their pockets while he's signing autographs. Howard brought up Cameron Diaz again and asked him if he was friendly with her. Snoop said he spoke to her a few times. Howard and Robin were still on the story about Snoop ripping off his white friends houses. Tara asked him what they would take. Snoop said they took stuff that they could sell quickly like jewelry and stuff like that. He said he can always go back to that if the whole music thing doesn't work out.
Snoop talked about the ho's he has out there and how they're always working for him. He said that they'd better bring stuff back for him or else he takes off his size 11s and beats them with them. He said they'd have to dig his size 11s from their asses if they don't bring him back some stuff. Howard jokingly said he had Ike Turner on hold and he was saying Snoop was out of control.
Howard said that Snoop must be worried about his safety these days. Snoop said he's got some bodyguards with him and they were standing right outside the studio according to Gary. Robin wondered if Snoop was packing anything. Snoop said he wasn't but one of his guys might be. Howard met some of the people who came with Snoop this morning. Gary said that the security guards wouldn't come in. Snoop's DJ came in and a guy from the record company did as well. The DJ was wearing a bullet proof vest so Howard asked him about that. Snoop said that he sells those things too. Howard read that Snoop has a bullet proof van as well.
Howard talked to Snoop's guys and said that Snoop must be worth a lot of money. Snoop was saying that they should do a buddy movie or something. Howard had some ideas for that movie and said that they could kidnap him and tie him up in a house or something.
Howard asked Snoop if he was okay with this Rappin' Granny woman coming in to rap for him. Snoop said that was fine and told her to come on in. Granny came in a short time later to a lot of laughter. Howard talked to him a little bit about this white rapper Eminem and what he thought about that. Snoop said he was down with that because he's Dr. Dre's boy. Howard then moved on to Rappin' Granny and found out that she was 75 years old. She was wearing a mini-skirt and hot pants. Granny said she's got a young body but her face does make the young men pass out.
Howard told Granny he was going to give her a shot to rap for Snoop. They played some rap music for her to rap to. She rapped but wasn't really following the music. Howard told one of the guys to take his bullet proof vest and shove it in her mouth. She continued to rap so Howard said that there wasn't one erection in the 50 markets he was on in. That got Jackie laughing pretty hard. Howard cut Granny off a short time later. He told her to let that sink in with Snoop. They told her that she'll be on Snoops label if she lives to 200. Snoop said that her first album would be called ''Gut and Butt'' if they put one out. She showed the guys her body before she left. Howard said that was the Rappin' Granny but she corrected him and said it was Fruity Nutcake.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Snoop has wasted a lot of time rolling blunts and maybe he should try some Marinol which is a pill that has the same effect as pot. Snoop said his blunts will last him 8 hours and it only takes him 5 minutes to roll. Howard asked him how much he spends on that stuff every day. Snoop said it's about $300 a day. He doesn't do any other drugs like coke or anything like that, only marijuana. Howard said he thinks some of that stuff is a little too strong for him but Snoop said that's the way he likes it. Howard asked Snoop where he can get the best pot. Snoop said it's got to be Amsterdam.
The White Rapper called in and asked Snoop what happened to the murder charges. Snoop said he got off on them because it was self-defense. He said that at the time of that trial, OJ Simpson had just gotten off so he was afraid that people were going to take out their anger on him. Howard read that Snoop celebrated with the jury at a party he threw for them after the trial.
The White Rapper asked Snoop why he killed Biggie. Snoop said Biggie was a friend of his and he had nothing to do with that. He asked the caller ''Who you is?'' and wondered why he was getting under his skin like that. He said that guy can suck his dick if he wants to. Snoop said that guy wouldn't have the balls to say something like that to him in person. If he did, one of this guys would have taken care of him and would have made him disappear.
Howard took some more calls for Snoop and let some other guys ask some questions. One guy said he wants to smoke weed but his wife wants him to stop because she had to stop. Snoop said that she should just let him do his thing and leave him alone.
Howard took a call from a guy from NWA. He and Snoop spent a short time talking and Howard tried to get in on that as well. He was trying to talk the same way the two of them were but it wasn't working for him. He let that guy go and then reviewed what they had learned with Snoop this morning. Sean The White Rapper called back in to say a few more things to Snoop so they told him to demonstrate his rap for them. He started to rap but Snoop wasn't impressed and told him to give it up.
Ralph came in and told Howard to have Snoop and Jackie have a rolling contest to see who could roll a joint the fastest. Howard said they could do that but they needed some oregano or something to roll in there. Ralph came in with some tobacco for them to roll up. Tara wanted in on that as well because she claimed she could roll really fast. The guys all got a little fake weed to roll up. They didn't have any rolling papers though so Ralph ran out to get some. He came back and said that they didn't have any there so they had to run downstairs to get them. Howard said he had to take a break if it was going to take a few minutes to get.
Howard ended up playing some of Snoop's new album while they waited. Tara was bouncing along to the song and the guys figured she was just doing that to show off for Snoop. The rolling papers showed up a short time later so Howard set everyone up with their papers. Snoop said that they should do have a couple of rolls to see who was the best of the three. Howard told them that it had to be a nice, clean roll, not something sloppy.
Stuttering John came in and wanted to bet on who was going to roll the fastest. Howard started the contest a short time later. Jackie had his rolled within seconds while Snoop and Tara kept going. Howard said that Snoop was using all of his fake pot while Jackie only used a little bit. Howard thinks that Snoop won that contest. The guys said that Snoops joint looked like a tampon because it was so big.
Howard asked Snoop how his Letterman appearance went the other night. Snoop said it went really well and they even let them smoke over there. Howard played a little more of Snoop's album as they were wrapping up the interview. Tara was interpreting some of the lyrics for Howard since Howard wasn't sure if he was hearing about the ho's in the song. They ended the interview a short time later.
Robin was bragging that she actually dusted at her house recently but Howard figured that she was just doing that as a novelty and she would soon be over that. Ralph said she'll probably have a house full of servants by next week.
Howard had Robin start her news a short time later. Robin read through a couple of stories and then Howard mentioned they have this young kid coming in tomorrow to try and get Houston the Porn Star to go to his prom with him. That led to Howard talking about what he'd like to have done at his prom by bringing a hooker with him. That led to the guys talking about Snoop's interview and some of the crazy stuff he was saying about his pimp hand and his whores. Howard said he was really diggin' that interview and didn't want him to leave. They had some fun talking about Snoop using his sneaker on his bitches and playing some sound effects to recreate that scene.
Robin said she saw Tom Chiusano out in the hall all upset about the fact that someone was smoking pot in his station. Howard said he wouldn't have the balls to go up to those guys and ask them to put out their joints. Robin saw him walk toward them but he walked away when he saw the security guards standing there. Howard said those guys would probably put out their blunts on Tom's cheek.
Howard talked about how scary Snoop's hair was and how he'd call that ''run from me hair.'' He said Snoop actually walked out of there with a hair net on. The guys talked about that stuff for a short time. Ralph asked Robin if she would do Snoop. She said ''No, no, nooo'' so the guys goofed on her about that answer for a short time.
Robin got back to her news and went through a bunch of stories that the guys had some fun with. She brought up a story about a Denny's restaurant where they're accused of treating black customer's differently than the whites. That led to Howard and the guys having some fun with sound effects and making up stories about how that stuff could go down.
Howard and Fred had some fun with audio clips toward the end of the news. Fred was playing Howard's mother answering questions with ''Noo'' over and over again. Robin read through a few more stories and then Howard ended the show around 10:30am (Master Tape Theatre time).
Howard started off the show talking about how he comes in every morning and reads the newspaper. He said almost every article was about how Letterman and Leno are a tenth of a point apart in the ratings. He said he read one article about how unhappy Dave Letterman is. He said if the guy is so miserable, he should just leave. Howard said he likes Letterman's show but he doesn't think he's reinvented the wheel or anything. Robin said that's obvious if he's scrapping with Jay Leno for ratings. Howard said they describe a psychopath in the article and he doesn't believe it.
Howard and Robin said they should put a camera in his office after the show to see Dave yelling and screaming like they describe in the article. Fred threw in a strange sound effect so Howard asked him what was up with that. Robin said it was awfully early in the show for him to be starting the audio clips too.
Howard said he thinks Dave is trying to make himself seem interesting but it's just not working. He said that there's another weird move in those articles. He said they talk about how they edited out a reference to Leno on a show recently. Dave said something to Don Rickles about Jay and had it edited out. Howard wondered why Dave would have it cut out and then tell reporters that he had it cut out if he didn't want it out there.
Howard said it sounds like Alex knew more about the show than he was letting on. He went on to talk about Alex and how he sounds more like a lawyer than a game show host. He said there's that one segment on Jeopardy where he talks to the guests and it's always a disaster. Howard let Janks go and as he was getting off the phone, Janks played a call he made to Rev. Jesse Jackson.
Howard said he saw some 60 Minutes and also thought that the Superman show sucked last night. He said the story was really lame. He and Robin talked about the storyline of that show and how it didn't make much sense and they're making it into a love story. He said it's not working and it blows. It's just not cool.
Robin said she watched Hercules this weekend and figured Howard must have seen that. Howard missed that one and said he doesn't really see the stuff that's on channel 9. He said Ralph called him at one point and told him to check out Pamela Anderson on channel 9 because she was on Baywatch. Ralph came in the studio and talked about how that episode went down. They had a treasure hunt going on and people were getting hurt out on the beach so David Halsslehoff's character was all upset about that. Then Pamela has a dream about having money and going to do a Playboy shoot.
Ralph said there was one scene where this fat DJ was dreaming about Pam and running to her on the beach. He said the whole show was fantasy sequences. Ralph also said he and Howard were talking to each other on the phone about shows that they were watching together. Howard said they were checking out this VJ on MTV by the name of Idalles how is really hot. They spent a couple of minutes talking about their conversation and how they sat there watching her together.
Gary said you can tell when it's November because in sweeps month they have a lot of hot chicks on TV. The Victoria's Secret show was on. Howard said he can't even watch that stuff. He was thinking about how God must have played a trick on him by teasing him with all the hot chicks out there. He said he's married and he has all of these hot chicks coming on to him and he can't do a thing about it.
Howard said he and Ralph tuned into Extra and watched that together. Gary said they do the same stuff during sweeps month and always feature the hot chick segments. That led to Howard talking about how there was someone talking about the same kind of stuff he's been fined by the FCC for. He complained about that and how he thinks President Clinton isn't doing anything about it and he's going to lose the election because of stuff like that.
Ralph was making some comments that Howard wasn't too thrilled with so he kicked him out of the studio and told him he had overstayed his welcome.
Howard said Jackie is very self destructive and he doesn't know what to do. He said that a lot of comedy clubs were turned off by Jackie's antics. Howard complained and said that Patty probably hates him now because of what Jackie said. He said his name is all over the article even though he had nothing to do with it. Gary came in and asked what the joke was. Jackie said that he said Patty was the person who realized her father had Alzheimer's because he was actually returning her calls. He thought that was pretty funny. Howard agreed it was kind of funny but he shouldn't have told the joke to Patty.
Howard and Robin tried to explain to Jackie what he did wrong but Robin figured he still didn't get it. Jackie said he knows it was wrong to tell that joke. He said he apologized to her up and down and she did calm down after he did that.
Gary asked her what she did when he told her the joke. He said she went ballistic on him and told him it wasn't appropriate to tell a joke like that. He said he apologized to her for that and thought he had smoothed things over. Howard spent a few more minutes goofing on Jackie about all of that. He was making fun of him and said that he read that article and knew it was Jackie out on the town again causing problems. Fred played some clips of this kid doing impressions of Jackie that Howard was imitating.
Howard did an impression of Jackie talking to Patti Davis and then Billy West picked up the Jackie Puppet and started telling Patti Davis-Reagan jokes as Jackie. He told a few Reagan jokes and laughed just like Jackie might do. Howard asked Jackie Puppet if he was drinking when he went up to Patty. Jackie Puppet took a gulp of beer as an answer. He then told another Reagan joke and laughed his ass off at himself. Howard thanked the puppet for chiming in on that. He said he had to take a break after that. Jackie Puppet continued to make inappropriate jokes and guzzled some more fake beer.
Howard wondered what Jackie is going to say to Arnold Schwarzenegger when he comes in. Jackie said he's going to call him a big, stupid kraut. Howard read more of the article about Jackie cracking those jokes to Patty and did some of his impression again. Jackie Puppet was giving Jackie some advice about his career but Howard had to go to break during that.
Howard moved on and said that Ivan Reitman and Arnold Schwarzenegger were going to be stopping by this morning. Robin was impressed with that but Howard said Jackie will probably lose them as guests for them. Howard said he heard from Ivan that he doesn't like the Jackie Puppet. Howard said Jackie gets defensive over that puppet. Jackie interrupted and said that people out there really think that it's him talking when Billy does that voice. He said they come up to him all the time and ask him how he can say certain things. He said he has to tell them that it's the puppet, not him.
Howard said that Ivan is a big fan of the show but the puppet is one thing he's not a fan of. Jackie Puppet went off on Ivan making fun of him. Howard told him to calm down and not make fun of Ivan when he comes in. He said he doesn't need him ruining his relationship with Ivan.
Howard read some stories about these politicians who are creating golden parachutes for themselves which will make them more money when they retire than they were making while working. He said that these politicians are like lawyers and lawyers are filth, dirt and garbage in general. He said he has a couple of good ones himself but most of the other out there are ambulance chasers. Howard went on to explain how these guys get their careers. He said that Lawyers do nothing but walk around looking for trumped up lawsuits. He said Andy Rooney was talking about the dangerous toys segments that are on the news every year and how they're brought out by the lawyers out there. Howard said it's a despicable occupation as far as he's concerned.
Howard changed subjects and said that Glenn Close's hair line is a mystery to him. He saw a picture of her in the paper that must have been disturbing. He also read a TV critic's column about these talk shows like Jenny Jones and others where they have hoax guests on the show. When they're revealed though, it doesn't make a difference. He and Robin spent a little time on that subject. Robin also brought up a story about a Sally Jesse Raphael show where she was going to have a guest on who had abused 11 of his own children.
Howard said he was reading about how even Jesse Jackson was saying that when he walks through the city, he looks behind him to see who's behind him and he's relieved when it's a white person. Howard said he doesn't care, he's just trying to get through the weekend. He doesn't know what any of that stuff means. He said that none of it really bothers him... other than the fact that he can't have sex with strange women. He said even President Clinton can get a little on the side and get away with it. He had to go to break after that.
Howard said that on HBO they rerun a bunch of movies over and over again. He mentioned ''Soul Man'' and another movie that they show all the time. He said this one movie is the worst he's ever seen but he's watched it about 100 times. He was also talking about how he watches a lot of HBO and can't get started with all of the other channels that are available.
Howard ended up talking about his E! show and how they need to get that channel more exposure. He said he wants the E! channel on his cable system but they're refusing to put it on. He said people wanted to see the tickle show last week and people weren't able to see it. Howard figures that the cable companies will put the channel on some tier that will cost people five bucks a month. He said there's so much crap on his cable system already.
Howard was watching this Mother Angelica show the other day and explained what was going on there. He said they go to abortion clinics and show pictures of the virgin mother to make the women think about that before getting abortions. Howard said he's got Mother Angelica on one channel and insects mating on another channel. He said he likes insect channels but he doesn't need 50 of them.
Gary said that the FCC threw a wrench into things a few months ago when they forced local channels to be added to the systems. Howard said the FCC should be de-monopolizing the cable companies. He cut himself off and said he wanted to move on to some Stuttering John tapes.
Howard played the audio where John threw out his questions. He asked her to say ''Why, why, why?'' to him. He also asked her if she had seen the Tanya Harding sex video yet. He also asked her if she had ever gotten frostbite on her ass and if she had ever heard of Howard. She said ''hi'' at that point but didn't have anything else to say. John asked her if she had a heated bra but she didn't answer any of those questions. John kept going and kept asking the questions even though she wasn't answering. John asked her if there were any lesbian ice skaters and stuff like that. He eventually gave up.
Howard told John he did good with that interview. He and the guys talked about how John just goes in like those guys who fought in wars where they'd just run out and try to fight in the open. They spent a short time on that and then went to break.
Howard said that Ivan Reitman showed up but Arnold Schwarzenegger hadn't gotten there yet. He said Ivan is the producer of the movie so he makes sure he gets there on time. He said Ivan is very psyched about the movie and keeps talking it up like it's the best.
Howard said that Ivan was out there with his son this morning. He said he brought him into a business meeting with him the other day as well. He said that's just not the right thing to do when you have a business meeting like that. He said the kid is a little kid, he's not of the age that he'd be in the business yet. He also brought up Ivan's wife and how hot she is. He figured he could bring Ivan in even though Arnold wasn't there yet.
Gary told Howard that Arnold was on his way in and he'd be there shortly. Howard asked Gary how old Ivan's son is. Gary guessed he was about 18-20 and he had his girlfriend with him. Howard told Gary to bring in Ivan's son and his girlfriend and not Ivan. Howard spent some time talking about Ivan and how much he thinks he's worth while he waited for the son to come in.
Gary went out and got Jason Reitman and his girlfriend. Howard asked him if he wants to be a director like his dad. Jason said ''maybe.'' Howard talked about that meeting his father had with him and how he brought Jason with him. He said he thought it was going to be a good meeting but then he sees Jason on the couch. He said he likes the kid but it's inappropriate to have your kid at a meeting like that. Robin wondered if he's always at meetings like that. Jason said he's been doing that stuff since he was a little kid. Howard moved on to Jason's girlfriend and spent some time talking to her. He said if she ends up marrying her, she's going to have to sign a pre-nup.
Howard asked Jason if his father brought him to any meetings with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Jason said ''Umm, no.'' Howard said that shows that Ivan doesn't respect him like he respects Arnold. Howard said it's like Ivan was teasing him and not being serious about the meeting he had with him. Jason also told Howard that he's 17 years old. Howard said he thinks he was about 12 when he met him for the first time.
Howard asked the girlfriend how Jason told her about who his father was. Howard said he would tell her right away but Jason said he waited about a week. Howard asked him what kind of car he drives. Jason said he has a Jeep. Howard said he might have a Jeep now but by the time he gets to college, he'll probably have a Ferrari. Howard talked to Jason about the kind of money his father must have but Jason downplayed it a bit. Howard told him to just master in math and count the money he's going to inherit.
Gary came in and said that Ivan was saying that it might be time to end Jason's time on the air. Howard told him to bring Ivan in there. Ivan came in a short time later with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Arnold was telling Howard he likes his new look. Howard let Jason go while they were coming in. He went on to talk to Ivan about how he got started in the business with ''Animal House,'' ''Stripes,'' ''Ghost Busters'' and others. Arnold said that Ivan's wife must be smiling all the time.
Arnold was saying there was an article about Ivan where they called him the ''billion dollar director'' and there must be a reason for that. He said the guy can make money. Arnold went on to say that he was hunting down Ivan to get him to do this movie ''Junior'' with him. Howard asked him if Ivan brought his son to their business meeting like he did with him. Arnold said there are times when each of their families are there. Howard told Arnold how handsome he is and said he never realized just how handsome he was.
Howard told Arnold he had Danny Devito coming in to say hello to Arnold this morning. He had the guys bring in Marty the Midget who was pretending to be Danny. Howard said Ivan didn't like that joke because he didn't write it. Arnold asked Ivan how many times he's been on the show. Ivan said this was the first time being on the air so Arnold warned him that this was just the beginning.
Howard asked the guys if they had seen his pay-per-view special because he wanted them to check out Nicole Bass and tell him if she's a man or a woman. Arnold said he knows Nicole and he knows that she's a woman. Nicole came in a short time later and gave Arnold a kiss. Howard said he doesn't insult anyone but he wasn't sure if Nicole was really a woman. Arnold said that he knows this is a woman. Nicole said that Arnold actually got her started in the business and introduced her to some people.
Howard said that Nicole had to have taken steroids to have gotten as big as she is. Arnold said she's been working out for over 10 years and he knows that she works out 4 hours a day and they should forget about the steroids. He said you don't get like that just from taking steroids. He said she'd still have to work out a lot to get there. Howard was going to let Nicole go but she had seen ''Junior'' so she told them how great it was. She said it was very funny and she didn't understand why it was rated PG, it should have been rated G.
Howard told Nicole to get away from Arnold and kicked her out of the studio. Howard asked Arnold if he would ever have sex with her if he was stuck on a island or something. He figured Arnold would never do it. Arnold said she would be a great training partner.
Howard asked Ivan about this movie and Ivan went on to tell Howard about how great Arnold is and that's why he's worked with him 3 times already. Howard talked about what this movie is about and how Arnold plays the part of a man who gets pregnant and carries a baby. They spent some time talking about the movie and what Arnold goes through as a pregnant man. Howard said the movie is safe to take kids to and his wife was saying that she would bring their kids to see it.
Howard talked to Arnold about hanging out with Ivan and how that must make Ivan very happy. He wondered how he can get networked into that lifestyle himself. He found out that the two of them might meet up a dozen times throughout the year. Howard also asked Ivan how he met his wife. Ivan went through that story and said he thinks that his wife really loves him.
Howard asked Arnold about his wife and pointed out that she's a Kennedy and it must be great to have become a Kennedy himself. Howard asked him if the family goofs on John John for flunking the BAR exam. Arnold said they don't do that at all.
Howard said that Arnold and Danny Devito make a great team in the movie. Ivan interrupted that and said that they really do work together. Arnold said that when he works with Ivan and Danny and other people he's worked with before, it makes things much more comfortable on the set. He was talking about how Ivan is a great director and he can make him feel very comfortable while making a movie. He went on and on about just how great the guy is. Howard was going to bring that whole conversation around to his own movie but Robin didn't want to hear it.
Howard told Ivan to go ahead and compliment Arnold the way Arnold was complimenting him. Ivan said he thinks that Arnold has been underrated since he started out and he really has the true charisma of a movie star. He said he's very special. Howard was still wondering how he can get in on all of that stuff and actually go skiing with Arnold and Ivan. Ivan talked about what a great guy Howard is but Howard interrupted and said he saw that but then figured that the next movie he should make is with Arnold and not with him.
Arnold said that it's tough to play the soft side of a character like he has done in this ''Junior'' movie. He said you have to be very secure in your masculinity to do that. Howard said that only Arnold could have played this part and he encouraged everyone to go see the movie. Arnold said that the movie opens this week and it's gotten great reviews so he thinks it's going to do very well. He's hoping that everyone goes to see it. Howard said Ivan seemed to be very happy with the promotion Arnold was giving the movie. Ivan said he was making it very easy on him because he didn't have to say a thing, Arnold was doing it all.
Howard asked Arnold if Emma Thompson came on to him at all. Arnold said they had a couple of love scenes so they did have to kind of like each other to do those scenes. She did make him try to like her by grabbing him and shaking him, telling him that he had to love her that day they were shooting. He also said that when he went to a meeting with Ivan and Emma one time, she told him to lay on the floor and she hopped on top of him and rolled around with him on the floor kissing him all over. Howard wondered if Ivan had pulled his pants down during that meeting to pleasure himself. Arnold said Howard just had to go to that place. Howard continued that and said that Danny Devito's nose must have been very close to Emma's private area because he's so short.
Howard said he heard that Danny had to wash his face every 5 minutes because he felt dirty being so close to the private parts of the women he was working with. The guys didn't want to go there with Howard so they tried to avoid answering those kind of questions. Howard said he felt he was getting a glimpse of the making of the movie and he liked it. Robin asked Ivan what Howard is going to do when he makes his first movie. Ivan said they have a read through and they all sit around a table and read through the script. Howard wondered if his son is going to be there too. Ivan said his son has been going for years.
Howard said this was good for him to learn this stuff. He asked Ivan more about what he can do and also asked Arnold what he should eat to get into shape. Arnold told Howard that he hadn't eaten anything that morning so Howard said he pictures the guy eating a ton of food and moving his bowels about 40 times a day. Arnold said he doesn't think the audience would be interested in hearing about that stuff. Howard and Ivan both told him he's wrong about that.
Howard said that the first time he spoke to Arnold, he was making a movement. He said he was down in Washington DC and he saw Arnold walking into the men's room. He said Arnold was in a stall in the bathroom and he wanted to go talk to him. He and Fred went in there and he heard Arnold doing his business. He asked Arnold if he was in there and Arnold kindly responded to him. Billy West was making fart sounds and doing his impression of Arnold crapping on the toilet. Howard said he and Arnold were bonding that day and he even asked him if there was any corn in there.
Robin said Howard has been telling that story for years. He has people stand guard outside of his bathroom when he goes now. Howard said he goes about two times a day but he'd like to go 3 or 4 times. Arnold told him to eat plenty of bran. Howard asked Arnold if he uses a urinal or a stall. Arnold said he will use anything.
Howard got back to Ivan and asked him more about this read through thing. He didn't get into it right away because he got sidetracked talking about other stuff. Ivan eventually got back to that part of the business. Arnold talked about some of his other movies. Howard told Arnold that he should start directing and make Ivan the star. Gary came in a short time later and told them they had to wrap up. Howard spent a few more minutes with the guys and thanked them for coming in. He congratulated the two of them on the movie and went to break a short time after that.
Howard said he gets kind of whacked out when he talks to Ivan because he's done so many great movies. Gary said the whole office was watching Howard talking to Ivan and Arnold out in the hall. Robin said Arnold hugged her. Howard said ''who wouldn't?'' Gary said they were heading out to do some pre-tape show for some morning TV shows.
Howard said that Marty the Midget was there and he brought along a girl midget. He said everyone came running in to tell him how good looking she was. Gary brought her in a short time later and Howard said she's got a nice body and everything. She's in proportion so she looks pretty good. She's 4'7'' tall and she said that people don't really even think she's a midget or anything.
Howard went over to her and stood next to her. She was saying she has a boyfriend who's 6'3'' tall. Howard stood next to her and fond that she came right up to his waist. Gary told Howard that he just found out she's a gymnast too. She did some poses for them and told Howard that she's trying to be a stunt person. Howard asked her about how sex works when she's so short and her boyfriend is so tall. She said it actually works just fine. Howard let Tricia go a short time later.
Howard talked about how tough it has to be to be a midget woman than to be a midget guy. Robin said she'd like to meet more midgets to see how they react. Gary came in a short time later and told Robin that Arnold sent a note where he apologized for calling Robin ''Beverly'' at one point during the interview. Robin didn't remember hearing that from him though. Howard had Robin start her news a short time later.
Robin read through a bunch of news stories while Howard and Billy were goofing on some of the stuff she brought up. They were talking about Cindy Crawford at one point and Howard was talking about how he'd like to decorate her face like a birthday cake. Not too long after that Howard ended the show. He said he'd get to some phone calls tomorrow since he didn't get to many today. He ended the show with ''That Smell'' by Lynyrd Skynyrd but ended up interrupting it by talking about a special they ran on MTV and how they were bleeping out the word ''joint'' when they played the video. He said they'd probably have an air raid siren going off if they mentioned the word ''coke.'' Howard got back to the song and Fred threw in some Jackie audio clips and laughs as it was playing. The show was over by about 9:20am (Master Tape Theatre time).
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Howard and the guys talked about how Scott the Engineer hadn't shown up for work this morning. He was supposed to be doing his push-up challenge. Howard and the guys were debating over whether or not Scott would be able to do the 17 push-ups he was supposed to do. Robin said she doesn't think that he can do more than 2. Howard pointed out that he had lost 45 pounds in the months that he had been preparing for the event. He figures that since Scott is such a loser, he's going to lose. Howard is sure that he will fail and will not be able to complete the challenge.
Gary said that he was wondering what human would put himself in the situation that Scott did because he'd have to walk down the street naked if he lost. Howard said that guy is a loser and putting up the money they did shouldn't be an issue because they're sure he's going to lose. Howard said it's not a bet of luck, it's Scott betting on his inner-self so he will lose.
Howard said Dominic Barbara called him and said that Scott has set them up and he thinks he's going to be able to do it. No one believes that's the case though. Howard said he has a show to do today and he's not going to spend it all on Scott.
A caller told Howard that Scott will not be able to pull this off today. Howard agreed. Six weeks ago the guy couldn't do 2 push-ups so the guy is a mess. Ronnie the Limo Driver and Ralph were in the studio so Howard talked to them about the whole thing. Ronnie said he saw Scott going to the gym with his trainer Radu earlier. Ralph noticed that they had some paramedics standing by out in the hall.
After an edited out break Howard came back to the push-up challenge with song parodies about Scott. Gary said that Scott had just shown up to work and he had a huge entourage of Radu and many other people. He was surrounded by a bunch of people with a really serious look on his face. Stuttering John said Scott isn't even talking to anyone out there.
Gary came in and said that there was a lot of stuff going on out there. Scott is out in the green room circled by his entourage. He's got the serious face on and isn't talking to anyone. He said it's almost like a movie with Radu giving him motivational talks and stuff. Robin said he doesn't need that for a push-up challenge. Gary also said that Radu and Scott's original trainer almost got into a fight after someone accused Scott of using steroids. Howard said he's been in a rage lately and played some tape of him freaking out on Mike Gange recently. He yelled at him to get out of his face after they had played some tape he didn't want played. Howard replayed the clip after Fred did an impression of Scott yelling.
Gary said that their old intern Dean was going to be judging the push-up challenge. After that we heard a Scott the Engineer commercial parody for a play called ''Get outta my face!'' They played another Scott the Engineer song parody after that. The parody had clips of Scott's rampage in it. There was also a ''Scream 3'' commercial parody which included that rampage as well.
Howard said that he and Robin have put up $20,000 of their money and the other guys have put up various amounts of money for Scott and it all adds up to over $31,000. If Scott loses, he owes them some money and has to walk down the street naked.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the type of push-ups Scott will be doing are very hard. Howard said Scott is 44 years old and just dropped 45 pounds in 10 weeks so he's not going to be able to do it. Howard took another call from a guy who thinks that Scott can do this and he and his company are willing to put up $50,000 saying that Scott can do it. Howard didn't want to deal with the guy because he wasn't getting to his point, so he hung up on him.
Howard went through the list of guys in the room which included Ronnie, Ralph, Neil Drake and Al Rosenberg (as Mya Angelou). Howard took more phone calls and talked about what was coming up after that. He figured Scott would be out on the street naked within 35 minutes or so. Howard heard that Scott's wife might actually be there but Scott tries to keep her away from them. The guys goofed on her a little bit and did their impressions of her. Gary came back in and told Howard that Scott's wife was not there.
Howard heard that Scott was wearing a t-shirt and the guys were wondering if he was going to remove it. Gary said that Radu doesn't want any talk with Scott, he just wants him to come in and do his thing. Howard said that's not going to happen, the show is a talk show so he has to talk.
Dominic Barbara said he saw Scott and he looks really thin so he thinks he can do this no problem. Radu's partner came in and quickly told Howard they want Scott to just do his push-ups. Howard said he has to explain the rules to Scott and he's in charge of this whole thing so he's going to talk if he wants to. Howard said he runs the radio show, not anyone else.
Later in the show Howard and the guys were prepared for this challenge. They had Scott in the studio and he was looking thinner. Howard said he still looks like a loser though. He said Scott was wearing a t-shirt that was acceptable to him. Robin agreed on that. Ralph was calling Scott a loser so Scott lost it and called him a loser and freaked out on him, screaming that he was a faggot. Radu calmed him down and told him not to play the game.
Howard gave Scott the rules about how he had to touch the fist on the floor for the push-up to count. Scott agreed to the rules so they got into the challenge a short time later. Radu was telling Scott that this was it and he was ready to go. They went right into the challenge a few seconds later. Scott went through his push-ups with Radu and his guys cheering him on.
After the push-ups there was some controversy about whether or not he had completed the challenge. Scott and his entourage thought he had completed it. Howard wanted to know if he actually did do 17 push-ups. The judge said that he didn't do it so Scott freaked out on him and told the guys that they'd better pay off. Howard was going to go around the room and ask the rest of the guys if they thought he had done the 17. Dominic said his chest never touched. The judge said that he didn't do the 17 so that's what they were going by.
Scott started yelling at Howard for welching on the bet. He said that the counter said he did 19 push-ups. Dominic thought it would be fair to let Scott rest for a little while and then have him do them again. Howard said he asked Dean if he did them or not and he said he didn't. Howard told Dean to go look at the tape and come back with an answer. We heard some Scott song parodies after that.
Howard said some of the guys were telling him to just give Scott the money even if he didn't do what he was supposed to do. Gary said that they were not quality push-ups. Howard agreed and said that Doug did some the other day and he did some ''real'' push-ups. Howard said there were people yelling out that he had done 17 push-ups but they were Scott's entourage. Howard said Tom Chiusano told him that maybe they should just pay him off but he really doesn't want to do that. He wants it to be fair to everyone. Robin said Scott knew what he had to do to win this $30,000 and he didn't come through.
Howard had Scott in the studio and told him what the push-ups were supposed to be with his chest touching Dean's fist. Scott said that's what he did but the guys disagreed and said that he didn't do quality push-ups. Scott wanted to see Gary do 20 for him so Gary went down to the floor and did a few for him. Scott didn't think they were very good.
Dean came in and told Howard that after he reviewed the tape, he believes that Scott did do the push-ups. He said that he floundered after the initial decision but now that he's seen the tape, he's changed his decision. Howard said that Scott is still a loser and he doesn't know if he should go with the initial decision or the changed one. Howard eventually said that he was going to give Scott his money. He had Radu yelling out that he did 17 when he really didn't even do 2. No one could hear because of that.
Gary said that those push-ups weren't acceptable and Radu knew it. Howard said if Scott was honorable, he'd admit that they weren't good push-ups. Robin asked him to do one real push-up for them to prove he knows what one is. Scott wasn't going to do it.
The E! guys were showing some tape of Scott's push-ups and none of the guys thought he was doing them correctly. Howard said he was nowhere near the floor with his chest. Scott bragged that his knees never touched the ground. Dean said he was going to take responsibility for the whole thing but Howard pointed out that he's not the one paying. Everyone else has to pay Scott now. Howard told Scott he didn't do the push-ups but he will write the check for ten grand. Robin said she's going to do it as well.
Howard said there were people out on the street waiting to see Scott naked. He told Scott to go take his victory walk and brag about doing his push-ups. Scott said he wasn't going to do that. That was it for the replay of the push-up challenge. They went into the replay of the next day after a commercial break.
Howard started off the show talking about the day before when Scott the Engineer did his push-up challenge. He said he will discuss what he plans to do with Scott after that whole thing. He said he just came to a conclusion this morning.
He mentioned that Norm MacDonald would be coming in later in the morning. He got fired from Saturday Night Live and they'll talk about that. Howard said Norm was great on SNL and they've replaced him with Colin Quinn which he thinks is a mistake.
Howard said that Scott came in this morning as a nice guy, unlike yesterday. He said Scott really wants that money and he's spoken to a few people about that. He said he had a lot of stuff to talk about after that as well. They were on vacation and they had a lot of stuff going on during vacation. He said they got the biggest ratings of their careers and barely a mention in the news. He mentioned that Scott's push-up challenge aired last night on E! and they had an 800 number set up for people to vote on if they thought he did the 17 or not. Howard said he had to go to break after that.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he thinks that Scott believes he did the push-ups. Howard said he knows the referee got a little overwhelmed too. He said that all of the guys there knew that Scott wasn't doing the push-ups. His back wasn't straight and his hips and stomach would come down and touch the floor. He could barely even do that though. Howard said he might be misguided in his thinking. He knows that Scott worked very hard and they expected him to do the push-ups. He said he wanted to be fair to the guy and figured he'd give him the money anyway. He said Scott called him a welcher and he said he never welches on his bets.
Howard said he asked the ref if Scott had done the push-ups and when he said he didn't do them, he should have gone out on the street to walk around naked. Scott was the one who was welching on his bet. Scott didn't agree and said that he did his push-ups and he wasn't going to go walk on the street naked.
Howard told Scott that he should prove that he can do just one good push-up and they'd be happy with that. Scott said he didn't know he was being judged on form. Howard said of course he was, that's what he explained to him before the challenge started. Howard played some audio clips of Scott yelling at him the day before when he said he wasn't going to pay off on the bet. Howard said he went off on him like he was insane.
Howard said he talked to some guys about the whole thing and they thought that he shouldn't pay off. Gary said that he showed the tape to some people and they didn't think that he did more than 6 good push-ups. Howard told Scott that he didn't really do good push-ups and he probably shouldn't pay him. Howard said you're supposed to break the 90 degree plane but Scott didn't even come close to that. Howard said he could do 1000 push-ups the way Scott was doing them. He said Scott is the welcher on this bet and he shouldn't have to pay him.
Howard said Scott didn't do one push-up. What he was doing was resting on the floor. Scott disagreed of course. Howard said he wanted to explain to Scott why he wasn't going to get a penny from him so that's why he was doing this. He took a call from a guy who said that he backs Howard up in this whole thing and said that Scott doesn't deserve the money. Robin said they told him many times what the definition of a perfect push-up was and he still didn't do them. Gary said that he heard from the guys who were in the studio and they didn't want to pay off because of the way things were going. They said they would pay off if Howard was going to pay off though.
Howard told Scott he knew that he wasn't going to be able to do the challenge. He knows that Scott wants that money but he feels that Scott didn't win so he should be paying off on his bet. Steve Grillo came in and said that Scott didn't do the push-ups and he doesn't deserve the money. Howard said that Scott quit smoking and his horrible personalty came out after that. His yelling during the challenge really threw off Dean who was the referee in the event. That led to Howard playing some clips of Scott screaming at them yesterday.
Howard said Scott was like a guy in a Tyson fight but he had no one to fight. He was screaming at them and threatening them but no one was doing anything. Howard took another call and the guy told Scott he was going way too fast during the push-ups. Howard told Scott he didn't do push-ups, he was doing the worm. He felt so bad for him that he was going to give him the money anyway. Robin said she felt the same way. Howard took some more calls and people were telling him not to pay off on the bet. Howard said he knew Scott would never pay up on his side of the bet if he lost.
Gary said that Scott crumbled at the end of the challenge so he wasn't even ready for that. Howard went through a few more phone calls and let some more people comment on what went on. Dominic Barbara called in and said that maybe they should have a compromise. He'd feel better if they came to some kind of compromise and paid Scott something. He didn't think that they had been fair to Scott telling him that his push-ups weren't very good. Robin said she was saying something yesterday. Steve Grillo said Scott obviously wasn't trained to do good push-ups, he was trained to touch his chest on the fist.
Howard said Scott came in and did what he could do. Scott said he was doing 20 push-ups five times a day when he was training. The guys figured that they didn't look the same when he was doing those as they did when he did them in the studio. Howard said at least Scott did something. He said he's pretty sure that the poll they took will be overwhelmingly on their side, not on Scott's. The guys wanted Scott to do the push-ups today but Scott wasn't going to be doing them. He kept saying he didn't know he was being judged on form. Steve told him that push-ups are all about form so that's a lame excuse.
Robin wanted to call Scott a name so bad. Howard took more calls and one guy said he looked like a murderer running around the studio the way he was. Howard asked Scott if he took any steroids because he was running around in a rage. Scott said he didn't take anything like that. Howard played some more tape of him freaking out and talked about that a little bit more. Howard said Scott bullied Dean and he bullied him as well.
Nicole Bass called in and said that if Scott had any honor he wouldn't take the money. He just wants to take it because he wants it. She said those were not push-ups at all. She was also wondering why he was wearing a weightlifting belt. They spent a little time talking about how good it is that Scott lost some weight but they still weren't good push-ups.
Howard said that he's been doing push-ups for years to get to the point where he is. Scott trying to do that in 6 weeks wasn't going to work. Howard said his decision was final and he wasn't going to give him the money. Scott was saying that he didn't even care about the money that much. Howard said that this is the Scott who got him to give him money to start his DJ business. He was still thinking about changing his mind about giving him the money but he wanted Scott to agree that he didn't do them right. Scott kept saying, over and over again, that he ''did what he had to do.''
Robin asked Scott if he would have wanted to have seen the job done well if he had paid for something. Scott didn't answer. Howard took a call from a guy who said those were the most ridiculous things he's ever seen. He thinks that Scott didn't do them right at all. He said Scott was just born to be a loser and that's what he is.
Stuttering John suggested that they have Scott walk down the street naked and they'd give him the money. Scott wasn't going to do that so Howard told him to go stare at the wall in his studio. The money was right there for him but he wasn't going to take it. Scott said the money was secondary and he thinks he accomplished a lot even without it. He figures he can get that money some other way. Howard told him he'd have to put a gun to a bank teller's head to get that kind of money.
Howard thanked Scott and let him go but Robin was still thinking about paying him. She said the whole thing stinks. Howard said he loves Robin because she's so tender on the inside. He reminded her about a story where she got ripped off for $20 from some guy who gave her some sob story about his sick kid and wife being in the car. It was a scam but she gave up twenty bucks even though the guy only asked her for five. She said it does feel like Scott is stealing her money.
Scott was back in the studio but Howard kept saying he wanted to end the boring discussion. He kept offering the money to Scott if he would just admit that he didn't do the push-ups the right way. Scott would only say that he did what he had to do. He wouldn't admit defeat. Dominic Barbara called in and said he was going to pay Scott his part of the money. His wife was going nuts over it and she thinks that Scott did what he had to do. Gary said Scott does have the women's vote and that may be because of the way Scott did them. He did them like a woman might do them.
The guys were arguing about some of the rules in the contest. Robin said that they had an unpaid intern judging those push-ups and he should have stopped him way before he did. She said they could have had a forfeit if Dean had just pulled his hand out of there.
Howard asked Scott one more time if he did the push-ups. Scott said he did them. He knows he didn't do them perfectly straight and the exact way they wanted him to, but he did touch the hand. He said he went down and came back up and that's what he thought he had to do. He insisted that he did what he had to do for the challenge. He told Howard what he thought the rules were but everyone told him he was out of his mind.
Gary told Howard that Scott's wife was on the phone. Howard took the call and she told Scott not to admit to anything for the money. She thinks that he did the 17 push-ups and did a great job. She insisted that he did 17 push-ups but Howard told her to come in there and he'd show her what a real push-up was. Scott said the money really isn't relevant to him.
Howard told Scott's wife that Scott was saying that he did what he had to do. She agreed and said he did that. Howard told Scott to just admit that he didn't do them. Scott refused to do that. Howard had a blank check with him and said he would write the $10,000 right then if he just admitted that his hips and thighs touched the ground when he did the push-ups. Scott wouldn't admit it. He was remaining silent. He thought about it for a short time and said that he couldn't remember. He figured that his thighs may have touched even though his knees didn't. He said he knows his belly may have touched but he had to do that to touch Dean's fist. Robin said Scott refuses to look at the truth, that's all there is to it.
Scott said he didn't remember exactly what happened. Fred said that he loves Scott at one point so Howard asked Scott's wife Robin if she even loves him. She said she does of course. Scott said she almost threw him out a window while he was training because of his ''steroid rage.'' Howard told Robin that he would pay off Scott if he really thought he had done them right. Scott was still saying he did what he had to do.
Howard took a call from Danny Baldwin who said he had to get up at 3 in the morning to hear what the outcome was today. He said he was out shooting a movie and had to listen early yesterday. He also thought it was funny that Scott's wife was almost ready to break when Howard said that Radu was even saying he didn't do them right. Danny didn't get to see the E! show the night before because he was busy working.
Howard said he just wants Scott to admit he didn't do the push-ups and he would give him the money. Robin said she would feel better if he did that too. She said he has to be mentally ill not to just admit to it. Scott said that they weren't perfect, he knows that. He still thought he had stuck to the rules as he knew them though. That line ''I did what I had to do'' kept coming out every few minutes.
Howard offered Scott one more chance to admit that he didn't do them. Scott said ''I did what I had to do'' which got Stuttering John laughing at him. Scott said he knows he didn't do them the way they thought he should have been doing them. Scott said he didn't have a choice as far as touching his belly. He was feeling for the hand when he was putting his belly down. Robin and Howard said that they felt that they were being railroaded by this whole thing.
Howard told Scott to just admit he did the worm and not push-ups. Scott said his back did waver a little bit. He wouldn't come out and just say that's what he was doing though. Howard and Robin told him he was doing ''worms'' and not push-ups. Howard kept asking Scott if he did worms or push-ups and he seemed to be starting to crumble. He admitted that his back wasn't straight all the time. Howard wanted to end it but they kept going over the same things over and over again.
Howard said he wanted to see Scott do 5 real push-ups and he'd give him the money. Gary said they're willing to give Scott all that money if he can just prove he can do 5 real push-ups. Gary said he'd whip off all of his clothes and walk down the street naked for Scott's money. Howard wasn't going to do that. He stayed with Scott for a little longer and said that he was trying to give him the money but he wasn't taking it. Scott said he was trying to look like a good guy by doing that.
Robin said Scott planned to cheat them all along as far as she's concerned. Scott said that's not true at all. He said he did push-ups the way he thought he had to. Howard wanted Gary to pull some tape of them talking about how they wanted them done. Howard just told Scott to admit that he didn't do them the way they wanted and he'd give him the money. They went back and forth on that for a while but Scott still wasn't admitting to it.
Howard asked Scott to admit, man to man, that he did push-ups. Scott said he did 17 push-ups that weren't all that great. Howard said he had spent an hour and a half on this so far and it was enough already. Gary came in and said that he pulled tape and found that Howard had told Scott to do 17 ''perfect'' push-ups to win the money. Scott said he's not a cheat and he's not trying to lie and take their money.
Howard told Scott to get out and he wasn't giving him any money. Scott said Howard did give him a chance to take his money but he refused to agree to his terms. Howard still asked Scott if he did 17 perfect push-ups but he wouldn't admit to anything. Scott said he wasn't going to lie and admit to anything just to take their money. Robin said if he took their money, he would be lying. Scott said he wasn't taking their money and he's not lying.
Howard told Scott he's a mush and a loser and he'll never have any respect for him. He booted him out of the studio and said he had to take a break. Doug Goodstein came in and demonstrated what a good push-up was. He got on the floor and did a bunch to demonstrate. Howard asked Scott if he did anything like that. Scott said he guesses they didn't look like that.
Howard asked Scott to tell him if he thinks he won the bet yesterday. Scott still wasn't admitting to anything. Doug said he was a big supporter of Scott's and told him he should just do 5 today to prove he can do them. Howard said he was done with the discussion at that point and played a song parody about him and then went to break.
Howard said the ratings came out in New York and they had the highest ratings for the show ever. They didn't have much about it in the newspaper though. He got back to Scott and Scott said that he just viewed the tape with a clear mind and he's admitting that he didn't do 17 perfect push-ups. Howard told him he just wanted to prove his point and wanted him to admit he didn't do them perfectly. He said that Scott is a loser and he will always be a loser.
Scott said he was psyched out yesterday and that's what happened to him. He said he can't do them very well. Howard said that he choked, that's all there is to it. Robin said that even Radu was saying that Scott could do them perfectly until he got into the studio. Howard asked Scott why he thinks that happened to him. Gary said he knew... because he's a loser. Howard said he was going to pay Scott off because he is a loser and he won't have the ability to make that money again.
Howard said a loser chokes under pressure and that's what happened to him. Gary told him he looks great after losing the weight though. Scott said he's not done yet after Howard said he still looks awful to him. Howard figures he will gain it all back though. Scott insisted that he wouldn't gain it back. Howard told him he's a loser and he will go back to eating the crap he eats and gain that weight back.
Howard said he was going to write him the check for $10,000 even though Scott didn't win. He said he knows Scott and he knew this was going to happen. He said that Scott is pathetic and that's why he's getting paid. He's sad and pathetic and it's like giving to charity as far as he's concerned. He was happy that Scott became a man and admitted that he was wrong. In his eyes that meant that it was the start of him working his way to become a winner. He had to go to break after that.
Gary came in and said that his wife has an autographed picture of one of the guys from the play. Howard said she's probably sick of looking at him. Howard said Gary came over to visit him during vacation and he had stitches on his lip after they removed a mole from his lip. Gary said Gange shot the video of the operation and Gange almost passed out while they were doing it. Gange came in and said that he felt really bad for Gary and saw everything that was going on. Gary said the guy did a really good job but they had to dig down pretty deep to get it out.
Gary said he feels really bad for people who have stuff on their faces or other parts of their body because people just say stuff. He said one guy asked him who punched him in the face when he saw him. Howard got back to the story and said Gary asked to use his bathroom at his home office so he let him use it. Gary was in there forever and figured he was just going to pee. He didn't know he was going to make a doody in there. Gary said he was on the road and didn't know he was going to have to go. He said he had to go to a bunch of stores and stuff and didn't have a chance to stop and do what he had to do.
Howard said he realized that Gary was making a doody and he couldn't believe it. He would have sent him upstairs he if knew that was going to happen. Gary said he clogged that one up one time. Howard said he has to learn to send him to a different bathroom. He said he doesn't have the ability to go to the bathroom when he's away on vacation because he needs to be in his own bathroom. Robin said she's the same way. Gary said there's only one place he can't go. Robin pointed out that he was the first one to pee in a diaper when they tried that experiment. Gary said he can't go on an airplane, that's the one place he just can't go.
Howard said Gary made one hell of a stink in his bathroom too. He said through the rest of his vacation he was lining the toilet with toilet paper so his ass wouldn't be where Gary's ass was.
Howard cut Todd off and said his story wasn't what he was looking for. He asked him for more details and tried to find out about how he was faxing her every day. Todd said he was talking to her like every day for a couple hours a day. Howard said she's a nice girl but he wouldn't be into her that much if she wasn't a celebrity. Howard figures Todd could get better looking girls though. Todd said Debbie asked him if he had a fax machine and she suggested that he get one. They've been faxing back and forth ever since and it's very nice to have that.
Howard found out that Todd did that for about a month and a half. Gary heard that they met up again when Todd flew to New York and they kissed as soon as they met again. Todd said she was standing right there waiting for him and he wasn't sure if she was going to even recognize him when he saw her. He walked right up to her and gave her a hug and then a kiss. He said that was the next natural step as far as he was concerned.
Todd said he and Debbie hung out for the whole weekend but he didn't do anything with her. Howard said he must be gay if he didn't even touch her breasts. Howard said girls want you to feel them up and be pushed a little bit. He said he should have been unbuckling her pants and pulling them down. Todd said he wasn't looking to do that. He even stayed at a hotel and didn't stay with her.
Scott Einziger came in and told Howard that E! has a policy about the way their employees treat celebrities. They're not supposed to ask for autographs or anything like that. He figures Todd must be exempt from that rule or something. Todd went on to tell Howard about going to Debbie's house and how he met her family at a family dinner. Then he went to see her show one night and went to dinner with the mother, her sister and some friends as well. Howard told Todd that he would probably bang Debbie's mother before he'd even do Debbie. He thinks she looks like she could be a player.
Todd said they did kiss periodically over the weekend. He didn't feel her up or put his hand down the pants or anything like that. Gary said he knows the guy is probably playing the nice guy for the first date and he'll make his move on the next one. Howard explained how a guy has to go through all of that crap and then try to figure out a way to get rid of her. He said he will only know he wants to get rid of her when he finishes having sex with the. Howard asked him if he thinks he'd still want to lay there with her after he completes the act.
Todd said he really wants to see this relationship go on and he's not going to screw it up. Howard thanked Todd for calling in and told him to call back when he gets into her pants. Third base or more and he can call back.
Howard said the movie was also nominated for an International Movie Award but he wasn't sure what that was. He spent a minute on that and then got to some of the Christmas cards they got over vacation. He said he got cards from BJ Thomas, Kreskin, Tony Bisconte and May Pang, William Shatner, Bobby Shriver, Andy Richter, Joan Lunden, Joe Piscopo and Kimberly, Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas, Fran Drescher, Michael Buffer, Marilyn Manson, Sting, Alan Thicke, Chuck Norris and Governor Christie Whitman. He spent a little time on those and then said he had to go to commercial break.
Stuttering John came in and said they have a woman on the phone who wants to talk about the Blockbuster awards being fixed. She needed her voice disguised so Howard tried to set that up. He was eventually able to get that to work on the phone. He had her voice going through a synthesizer. The woman went on to tell Howard about how the promotion works and how people were told not to promote the vote on any radio show or anything. Robin and Howard had their voices in disguise as well so it was kind of distracting. The woman on the phone said that they once had a winner for the awards but that person couldn't show up so they picked someone else. Howard said he really doesn't care how they pick the winner as long as they pick him to win.
Howard said that they have to tell the people that they're going to win. He's demanded to know if he's a winner before going to award shows because he's not going to sit there while someone else wins. He would prefer to know ahead of time if he's going to win. Howard said Norm MacDonald was there so he had to take a break and get to him. He and Robin spent a few minutes talking about Blockbuster and how they're becoming the biggest game in town. Howard said he used to go to a small shop near his house because the guy would rent porn. Then he mentioned that he watched a lot of porn over the vacation. He said he watched a Taylor Hayes video that was really hot. He went to break after that.
Howard asked Norm about getting fired from Saturday Night Live. He heard that he was on Letterman last night talking about it. He told Norm that the shining light on that show was his news segment and the rest of the show just blows. Norm said it turns out Howard was completely wrong. Howard said he always knows when to tune in to hear norm, at 5 minutes to 12. He asked how the firing went down.
Norm said he was out in Los Angeles during the Christmas holiday when he got the call. Howard interrupted to take a call from a guy who said he knows that Norm was with Elle McPherson. The guy said he knows a guy who heard Elle talking about how bad Norm was in bed. Howard figured Norm wouldn't even deny the bad-in-bed story. The guy said that Norm was like Quick Draw McGraw and when he pulled down his pants he looked like a woman.
Howard got back to Norm's SNL story and said that he really was the best news guy on the show. He asked Norm what happened when he got the phone call. Norm said he spent some time with his son out there and forgot what he was talking about. Norm said it was kind of a sad time because Chris Farley had just died. Howard figured that wasn't a big shock but Norm said it really was a shock to him. Howard said it couldn't have been a shock after knowing what that guy was into.
Howard asked Norm about the funeral for Chris Farley and how that went. Norm talked about that a little bit and told Howard about some of the people who showed up there. He said he was shaken up quite a bit by that death. He's never really had someone he really likes die like that. He said Chris was one of those guys who was a good hearted guy. Howard said if he was high, he'd be the same way. Howard asked Norm if David Spade showed up to the funeral. Norm didn't see him there and figured he was just shaken up by the whole thing. Howard asked who else was there. He asked about Elle McPherson but Norm was ignoring that. Norm said that Chris Rock was at the funeral and Howard heard he was crying like a woman there. Norm said he wasn't crying himself but that's because he has trouble crying.
Howard got back to the story about Norm getting fired from SNL. Norm said he started hearing things about how they wanted to make changes over there from different people who work there. He was told it wasn't looking good for him and that they might be letting him go. He said some of the guys who worked there, like Frank Sebastiano, were telling him that things might not work out. Norm said he figured it was just Frank talking and things would be fine. Norm said things never looked good for him and he didn't think much of it. Then he got back this week and the guys told him to call this guy Don Ohlmyer who's the President of NBC. Norm said he heard that Don told Lorne Michaels that he wanted him off the show. Howard figured Lorne was lying and he was actually the one who wanted him off the show.
Norm couldn't believe that Lorne would want him off the show. Howard said that guy runs the show though, so he has to be the guy who makes that decision. Howard figured Norm was blind to all of that. Norm couldn't believe that Lorne didn't want him there and it had to be that Don Ohlmyer guy. Norm said he called Don and he was told that he didn't want him doing Weekend Update anymore. Norm said he was told that Update was dragging down the show so they wanted him out. He told them that if they wanted him to be better, he couldn't do it. He asked Don if the decision was coming from him or not. Don took the blame but it sounded like he was taking the blame for other people.
Chaunce Hayden called in and said he heard that the firing had something to do with a Rolling Stone cover. Norm was left off the cover as well as a few others. There may have been some resentment from the other people in the cast. Norm said the reason he wasn't in that picture was because he didn't want to do some stuff they wanted him to. He said he told them he didn't want to do the goofy stuff so he was left out of some of the pictures. He didn't want to look like a jackass.
Howard said he read an article about why Norm got fired and they were saying that one of the last straws may have been his decision to host a show that was going to be on ABC while SNL is on NBC. Norm said that's not true because Lorne was the one who asked him if he wanted to do that show. Chaunce said that Norm also plays football in the halls at NBC and it can get pretty brutal up there. Norm said that's true but the story is kind of boring. Howard said Chaunce knew way too much about other people's lives so he let him go a short time later.
Norm said that he heard Colin Quinn is going to be replacing him. He said he really enjoyed doing that Weekend Update thing but figured this discussion was kind of boring. Howard said he was enjoying it though. A woman called in and said that Norm really was the best on that show. She thought he was great doing stand-up and what he was doing on SNL. Another guy called in and said that Norm should get out of there and just move on. Another guy said that Norm let the F-word slip out last year so maybe that had something to do with it. Norm said if that was the case, they would have fired him right then instead of waiting a year before letting him go.
Howard said he couldn't get a read on Norm today and wondered what was up with him. Norm talked about how he really didn't enjoy doing some of the stuff on the show like characters. He said sometimes he'd have to play the part of the scientist who discovered Monkey Boy or something. That's the kind of crap he didn't like. Howard talked about how they repeat characters and sketches a lot on that show and the burn them out. Norm said that's why he wanted to stop doing his Letterman bits. He did it once and wanted to move on.
Howard told Norm that if he goes up against SNL doing a show of his own, he'll have Norm on to do a Weekend Update on that. Norm said that he doesn't have a problem with Don Ohlmyer but Howard found that hard to believe. He said the guy called him and told him he wasn't funny. Norm said the guy has gone through a lot of crap in his career and he figures the guy isn't that bad. Howard asked Norm if he wants him to call Don Ohlmyer and ask for his job back. Norm said that would be fine. He said his assistant might have his phone number.
Norm mentioned that he brought along his friend Artie Lange who got fired from MAD TV. He said the guy is a great guy but he's crazy. Artie came in a short time later so Howard said hello to him and asked about the MAD TV firing. Artie said the story was pretty long but Norm told it really well. Norm told the story and said that Artie was working on the show and Quincy Jones brought the crew out to Vegas to see a Tyson fight. It turns out Artie is a compulsive gambler. Norm said he and Artie have that in common. Norm said he bets on a lot of sports stuff. Artie said he gets a lot of good tips from Norm.
Artie said that Norm has lost a lot of money on gambling. Norm got back to the story about Artie going to Vegas with Quincy Jones and the guys from MAD TV. He said Artie bet a ton of money, $15,000, on Tyson and lost it. He went to try and win it back in the casinos but lost another five grand. Then he did a bunch of coke and beat up his manager and then got thrown in jail. Artie ended up in jail and then went to rehab. Howard wondered if all fat guys were on coke or something. Norm said Artie got fired from the show and ended up going back to New Jersey to be a cab driver.
Artie said he's doing okay now, he's not a cab driver anymore. He said he didn't have a big coke problem, but about once a month he'd disappear for like 4 days. He said he had a lot of problems and was drinking and doing coke while he was on that show. It would always go bad for him though. Norm said Artie ended up going to jail and they put a special thing on you in the L.A. County jail marking them as a celebrity, a snitch or a murderer. He said he was marked but no one recognized him so they didn't know if he was a murderer or not. Artie said he didn't know why the band was on him so this Hispanic guy was telling him about what it could mean.
Artie talked about being strip searched and told Howard about how he found out about the red band. Someone was amazed when they found out he was on MAD TV. Artie said there was one guy who actually recognized him from MAD TV so that was really embarrassing to him. Norm kept giving more details about this story so Artie asked what happened to calling Don Ohlmyer. Howard told him he was more interesting and there was no way they were going to get through to Don.
Artie talked about some of the experiences he had on MAD TV. He told a story about how he was asked to clean up from the coke one day on the set and when he went back, after doing more coke, they had a bit of an intervention with him. He said he got all paranoid from the drugs he had done. Norm said Artie always pretends he's not on coke but when they were getting him for this movie they shot, they hired him and went out to shoot pool and he noticed that Artie was trying to score some drugs off of some Mexican guys. Artie said they still hired him after that so Norm is a good dude.
Artie said he's feeling much better now and he's back in show business thanks to Norm. They did this movie ''Dirty Work'' and he thinks it's funny. Howard asked him about beating up his manager since Norm had mentioned that. Artie said that this will never happen to him again... unless he's faced with some sort of reality. He said he hasn't even been betting for a long time now.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks the Norm firing thing is a publicity stunt. Norm assured him that it wasn't though. Howard talked about how he was accused of the same thing when he was fired from WNBC years ago. He said that people thought he was pulling something back then. Artie told Howard that he's a legend but Howard told Artie that he's one after telling those stories he told.
Howard let another guy rip on Norm for a minute. He said he hates Norm on SNL. Another guy called in and said that Norm is the only thing on that show that made it worth watching. Howard took a few more calls and let some people comment on Norm and Artie. One guy said Artie was the reason that he watched MAD TV. Artie seemed to be surprised by that comment. Howard said he had to get going because they hadn't broken in a while. He told Norm he was going to try and call Don but he didn't think he'd pick up. Gary told him he tried to call and all he got was voice mail at NBC out on the West Coast.
Howard wished Norm and Artie luck with their new movie. He heard that Bob Saget had directed it but didn't seem to know what to say about that. Norm told Howard that his career is going just great, he was just fired from SNL and Bob Saget had directed his movie. Howard wrapped up with them and went to commercial break.
Robin read through a bunch of news stories while Al threw in some comments as Mya. Howard asked her to read some poetry so he did that for a few seconds before Howard had Robin get back to her news. She finished up her stories and Howard ended the show around 11:10am (Master Tape Theatre time).
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