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Howard started off the show welcoming George Takei back to the show. George is back in town for a week so he'll be sitting in all week. They played Kidd Chris' ''Sulu Dance'' song right after introducing George. Howard said it was great to have George back and had him do a quick announcement. George read through the announce and introduced the show.
Howard congratulated George on his excellent role on ''Heroes.'' George said that he has enjoyed it and nothing is as it seems on that show so you never know what's going to happen on it. He talked about some of the stuff that's gone on with that show lately.
Howard read a story about George in the NY Post from yesterday where they say that George was booted off of The Simpsons because he creeped out the staff according to Hank Azaria who does some of the voices on the show. Robin said that was crazy. Hank claims that George used to call someone ''sweetie'' over there but George said that's not even in his vocabulary. He thinks that he's trying to get some attention for the show he's doing there in the city.
George said that he's never met Hank Azaria so he's not sure where that came from. George also said that he didn't recognize that woman sitting in the studio this morning. Robin had lost a lot of weight so George told her she looks voluptuous and much different. Robin thanked him for that.
Howard said Jim is funny, he was going around telling everyone that he was Jeff the Drunk. All of the papers are reporting that Robin was at the event with Jeff the Drunk. Howard said that Robin was looking very good and both of them came out as a couple for the first time that night.
Howard said it was kind of strange to see Robin and Jim out as a couple, as one. Robin said it was a ''coming out'' so to speak. Howard said she can't contain himself anymore and has to be seen out with him now. Howard told George that there was no outrageous behavior on his part. He thinks that Robin told Jim to behave himself out there.
Howard said that Robin was being a socialite so he took Jim around and introduced him to some people like Richard Belzer. Then Robin came running over to get her man back from him. He said that they all sat down for dinner and everyone watched the films that everyone made. Robin and Gary made some very, very good movies. Robin said that Gary's was very good and she really liked it.
Gary came in to talk about Jim and Robin coming out the other night. Gary said that he asked Robin if she had anyone coming out with her that night and she told him no. Then they were all standing around and saw Jim get out of the car with Robin. Mike Gange let out a ''Holy shit!'' when he saw her walk in with Jim.
Howard said he thinks that Jim and Robin have made love because they were holding hands that night. Gary thinks that she has too and he has a reason. He said that Jim is so fuckin' well behaved that he has to be getting something that's worth behaving over. Robin said that he could be waiting for something good too.
Howard said that they're going to call Robin and Jim ''Quarantine'' as their celebrity name. They all took a look at some pictures of Robin and Jim walking into the awards and holding hands. Howard said that Robin looks like she didn't want to let go of his hand either.
Gary said that Robin could have revealed this at a quiet party but she decided to do it at a big event. Robin said that the holding hands was at an insecure moment. She said that it wasn't as big of a deal as they were making it out to be. Howard said they had some exclusive pictures of this hand holding thing.
George said that now Robin knows what it's like to be on Howard's inquisition and he's loving it. Howard had some tape of Lisa G interviewing Robin and Jim as a couple. In the interview Jim talks about telling everyone that he was Jeff the Drunk.
George said that his man, Brad, is very shy and won't do interviews like that. He said that Howard has made him kind of a luminary lately though. They went to a ''Heroes'' party recently. Howard cut him off and asked if Hayden Panitierre and Ali Larder were there. George said that they were and he thinks that both of them are lovely. George said that some people at the party wanted to meet Brad and left him standing there alone when they ran off to meet him.
Howard said he's going to give Artie the benefit of the doubt because he is out of shape and overweight. George thought he was on a diet but Howard said that's not really true and he's got to be over 300 pounds.
Gary said he doesn't think Artie was working this weekend and he didn't have to travel as far as he knew. Howard said he hopes that Artie is okay and it's just a stomach flu or something. George said that maybe he's trying so hard on his diet that it made him sick. Gary said that he did get sick from that recently when he stopped eating for 4 days and then had some McDonalds.
George said he thinks that he could get Artie on a regimen that would help him out. He'd like to take him by the hand and feed him. He said he could have him out to California to stay out there. George said he knows that Artie would never do that so that's why he put the invitation out there.
The caller said that he's a younger guy that she might like to date. Robin said that Jim is 40 and he is a little older than what she was looking for. Howard said he got some pictures of a guy who wants to date Robin. He said that the guy might be kind of her type. He read through the letter they got where the guy talks about how he thinks that Robin would like him. Howard showed her his pictures and she found it hard to believe that they were real. George said that he was very healthy looking. Robin said that the guy looks like a model.
Howard said he'd get that guy in there if he wants. Robin said that he can bring in any guy he wants. Howard said that if she's loyal to Jim he won't bring him in. Robin was laughing and said that she's not sure if she'd date the guy. She said that she would meet him so Howard gave her an ''Oh wow!'' Robin said she's not saying she'll go out with the guy but anything is up for consideration. Howard said he was shocked by that. Gary thinks that Robin is trying to make up for 15 years of hibernation. He said that she used to say no to everything. Howard told Gary to call the guy and set him up. He said he feels bad for Jim though.
Howard talked about the story they talked about earlier where Hank Azaria claimed that George was kicked off The Simpsons for being creepy. The caller said that Hank Azaria is kind of creepy himself so he shouldn't talk. The guy on the phone went on to tell Howard how great George is on the show. That led to Howard playing a new song parody where the guys took George audio clips and had him singing along to AC/DC's ''Back In Black.''
The caller also said that he thinks that Artie is on something, maybe not heroin, but he's got to be taking something to be as out of it as he seems to be lately. He said the guy is miserable for no reason. Howard said that he is very heavy right now and that could be part of it. Howard thinks that his weight is part of the problem and that could be making him sick. Robin said that they've seen many fat people and they're not all sick every week.
Gary said that some of the guys in the office are asking how long you give someone the benefit of the doubt. Howard asked who it was that was saying that. Gary said he didn't want to say, that was up to them. Howard told Jason and Will to come in but Gary said that it wasn't them.
Gary said that Artie leads a very unhealthy lifestyle and maybe it is catching up to him. That's what he's going by. Robin said she was heavy too but Howard said that she wasn't abusing herself like Artie does with the cigarettes and bad food. Robin said that there's a reason Artie is out and it's not illness. She said that it may not be heroin or pills, but it's something he's doing that's making him stay out of work.
Howard played the ''Artie Snorts Heroin'' song that they've played before. That got Robin laughing. Howard took another call after that from a guy who said that they have to give Artie the benefit of the doubt right now. Howard said that he used to get sick all the time when he was fat. He used to go to the doctor and he was told he was going to die if he kept going the way he was.
Howard said that it is Artie's lifestyle that's making him ill and Robin said that he has to take care of that so he can get to work. Robin also said that Artie will get back to work by Thursday because he does have some gigs coming up this weekend and he needs to plug them.
Gary said that Ivy has been asking about the rice that they sent over to the studio last week too. HE's not sure what she wants to know though. Gary said that her messages go on and on and he's not sure what she's talking about. Howard said Gary said she gets fixated on stuff and won't let it go. Gary said she does that and she keeps calling and sending messages all day long.
Benjy said that he's not getting tired of her at all and he'd love to have her get all of her tattoos removed. She's trying to fix him up and she's trying to fix him up.
Howard said that they didn't believe that it was Artie but the guys kept playing clips of him saying ''You're a loser faggot'' and some other goofy things like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Richard kept his promise not to take a shower in preparation for his ass bleaching. Howard told George about this thing that they're doing and asked George if he's excited to see something like that. Richard said that he got really sweaty yesterday while he was out sledding in Central Park.
Howard said that Richard and his girlfriend were actually on TV on the local ABC station. He said that they were on some plastic sled thing and some tourists were there so Richard lent them his sled. They thanked Richard for the sled when they were interviewed. Howard said he had the audio of it so he played that a short time later.
In the news report Richard and his girlfriend talked about how they had loaned them their sled and the reporter tells Richard's girlfriend to hold on to this one because he's a sweet guy. Howard went on to say that Richard called him yesterday and asked him to go on a carriage ride with them. Howard said that he had to turn him down.
Howard also went off on Richard for not knowing how to speak and saying ''Me and my...'' all the time. He tried to give him some lessons on what to say but they didn't seem to be working.
Richard said that it was the best day yesterday out in Central Park. He said the last time he showered was probably Friday. He's going to have the ass bleaching tomorrow so he's got one more day to sweat and shit. Howard said that the smell that's going to come out of there is going to be disgusting. Richard thinks it'll be funny but George said that he didn't think it was funny. He said that it's going to be a stench coming out of there.
George said that he's going out to dinner with Richard and his girlfriend on Wednesday night. George said that Brad will be there as well.
Howard got back to the Jay Leno story and said that this guy is known for being squeaky clean. He said that Jay told his non-writing staff that they were going to be kept on the payroll. Letterman and Conan O'Brien are keeping their staff on the payroll. Leno apparently told them that he was going to do the same but now they've been laid off. A lot of them were told that they may not even be allowed to come back after the strike is over. Howard said that they started freaking out over there.
Howard said that the people started freaking out because Leno told them not to worry about it. They said that he didn't need to say that because they could have gone out and found other work. Now everyone is all pissed off at him. They also heard that the staff got bonuses of a measly $100. Howard said he doesn't know exactly who that includes and if Stuttering John is involved in that mess.
Howard said that John might have a contract over there. He's not sure if he has a contract with NBC or with Jay. He said that if John isn't able to provide his services, he's not sure if he gets paid. It could go either way.
Howard said that there's a new article about Leno saying he'll cover the salaries of the staff for one more week. Jon Hein came in and said that the $100 bonus story was wrong. It was $100 for every year that they worked for the show. There was also some other stuff in this article he was reading where they say that he staff was told that they'd contact them if they needed their services later on.
Howard said he likes that other people are thinking that Jay is a scumbag. He said that he's thought that for years now. He had to go to break after that.
Howard had George do another announcement to get them back into the show. George sang a song to the tune of ''Happy Birthday'' about William Shatner. Howard thanked him for that and brought in Lisa G with her Howard 100 News preview.
Howard said that they had a new song to play before Lisa got to her stuff. He played a new ''Mr. F'' song about Robin's new man, Jim Florentine, parody from Mike Morse. The song was to the tune of the ''Mr. Ed'' theme song.
Lisa said that they're going to be reporting on Robin and Jim's relationship. She said she spoke to Jim last night on Miserable Men (Howard 101 Sunday nights at 7) and Jim said that they're just good friends and he's not ready to get into a relationship. Howard said he now believes Robin after hearing that. Howard said that something happened there and he's not sure what it is. He said that she said she made out with him but Robin said she never said that. Howard argued with her for a couple of minutes about that. He insisted that she did say it but she said that just wasn't the case.
Lisa said that Jim really has to get a new suit, the one he wore was pretty bad. Howard said he has to get a new one himself and he may go to Dominic Barbara's guy to get one made. He said that Ralph is supposed to do that stuff for him but even that's partly his fault. He said that they always have these big shoulder pads in the suits and it makes his shoulders look really weird. He wants a regular suit that's not that fancy. He hates the double breasted look like Letterman wears.
Howard asked if Jim's suit was white or something. Lisa said it just wasn't a good suit. Robin said it was a little dated. Howard said that he looked like the Prime Minister of Israel or something. George said that Jim is a good looking guy when he saw a picture of him.
Lisa said that there are some conspiracy theories going around about the DogCatemy Awards because Gary didn't thank Sal and Richard for helping him write his film. Gary said that's not a conspiracy, he just forgot to thank them. He said that they weren't even there to thank. He said that they wrote some of the lines and they wrote some but he just couldn't thank everyone. It wasn't the Oscars, he didn't have a lot of time to thank people.
Lisa said that the band Shaw Blades performed their cover of ''When I See Beth Smiling'' and Lonny Heckman's family was there and shed some tears while they sang it. Howard said that Channel 10 News out in Philly covered the story and he had some of that to play. He said that Lonny's family were all at the concert that night and they had them come up on stage and gave them a guitar. Howard said it was really a beautiful thing that went on out there.
Howard played the clip from NBC 10's news report. They talked about Lonny's death and the song that he'd written for Howard and Beth. They interviewed Lonny's family and the guys from Shaw Blades. They also had some coverage from the concert they did at the Crocodile Cafe out in Allentown, Pennsylvania. Lonny was supposed to be at the concert but he died just 2 days before.
Howard said he saw another report where a reporter says that he has a good heart and the anchor woman on the show gave him a look like he was full of it. Robin said that she was getting a little weepy just listening to the report. Howard said he'll make her forget about that in a short time.
Lisa said that Rev. Bob Levy has been nominated for a non-sex role by the AVN awards. Howard thanked her for her news report and let her go a short time later.
Howard said he got a call from Billy Joel who is out on tour right now. He said that Billy told him that he might not be interested in this but he's written a song that he might be interested in. He said that Billy hasn't written many songs lately but he wrote this one about the situation in Iraq called ''Christmas in Fallujah.'' He wrote it but he gave it to someone else to record. He gave it to some guy in New York who is closer in age to the soldiers over in Iraq. Howard said he'd play it so he was going to play it for everyone.
Howard said that the guy who sings the song is Cass Dillon and read some notes about how the proceeds are going to charity. He wasn't able to find the song after talking it up though. Gary said that they were trying to get it for him. He eventually found it and saw that it was over 7 minutes long. He said he wasn't going to play the whole thing if it was that long.
Howard played some of ''Christmas in Fallujah'' (available on iTunes) and let it play through the whole way and said that he really liked it. He said that it was actually just 4 minutes long, not 7, so that's why he let it play through. He said that it actually gave him the chills hearing it. Robin said that she'd like to hear it over and over again. George agreed with her and with Howard when he said that Billy is really a great song writer.
Howard said he doesn't get why anyone would say that George was creepy to work with. He didn't see that at all when he was talking to him.
Howard said he was really afraid that this song was going to suck. He said that he didn't preview it before he played it this morning either. Fred said that he thinks that they should play the song all the time, it was really good. Howard said he'd like to hear Billy sing the song but Robin said he was right by saying they needed someone closer to the soldier's age.
Howard played some audio of that interview where Wayne said that Carson was implying that he was gay based on the sound of his voice. He said he tried to contact his agent and people like that but they did nothing. He then went down to visit Carson himself, unannounced, and asked to speak to Johnny in person. He said he told Carson he didn't know what he did to him but the jokes were going to stop and stop now or he'd kick his ass. He said Carson started to mumble so he told him to stop and not give him that crap. He said that Carson was a mean spirited human being and there are a lot of people that he hurt that no one will ever know about. He refused to take it though.
Wayne said that he doesn't think it really hurt his career now that he looks back on it. He said that he thinks that Carson started some other rumors that were around for years. He said that he also thinks that his name was on a hit list for the mob and he thinks that could have come about because of Carson.
Howard said good riddance to Johnny Carson. He said that he remembers him ripping into Wayne Newton back when he was on the air and he's glad that Wayne came out like this and bashed the guy. He said he has a new respect for Wayne after hearing that. Howard said that he doesn't care how odd looking Wayne gets these days, he's got this new respect for him. Robin said that he's looking so odd that it looks like his face belongs on a totem pole.
Howard said that Gary saw Evel at some event and he was a miserable fucker. He said that he was being really mean to everyone until Jessica Hahn walked in and saw him. Then he changed his tune and became really charming. Gary said that he thinks that Evel may have gotten Jessica back then. Howard wondered if she'd be honest and talk about that if it was true.
Gary said that it was him, Jessica and Evel Knievel doing an appearance at a monster truck show. He said that Evel would change his attitude from yelling at someone to get him a coffee to talking nice to Jessica.
Howard said that they had some tape of Ed McMahon bad mouthing Johnny Carson. He played some of those but they were edited down clips from an audio book. They had Ed saying a bunch of stuff about Carson and his love of little kids and things like that.
Jessica Hahn called in so Howard asked her about Evel and if she had sex with him. She paused for a few seconds and said ''Umm... yeah.'' Howard said that Gary was right then. She was really into him back then and he actually got her. She said that Evel was a maniac but he was very nice to her.
Jessica said that she had just heard that he died, she didn't know until this morning. She said that he was even old to her back then when she did him. She said that everything was working in her favor at the time. She doesn't remember everything about it but she did remember that they were doing a signing there.
Gary said he remembers Evel throwing her a line about coming to his hotel room or something. She said that she did bang him. She said she was out of her mind back then though. Howard said that doesn't matter, he wanted to know more details. She said that she wanted to leave his hotel room but they talked for a while and it just happened after she had a drink. She said that it was all very awkward though. She said that he made it feel like she should be honored to be in his presence so that was kind of cool.
Jessica said that Evel took a while to finish. She said that she gave him one of her special BJs. She was also saying that it took a long time to make it happen before they actually did anything. She said that she didn't want to hear him go on and on about who he was so she got comfortable and just fucked him.
Jessica said that she took over and did her thing with him. She said that she actually did him a couple of times that day. She said that she saw him again in another place and hooked up with him again. She said that he looked her up that time and told her where she was so they could get together again. Jessica said that Sam Kinison was a better lover though.
Jessica said that she did take a while to finish when she was blowing him. She said that it was like 25 minutes or so. She said that he wanted her to stick around even after she did that. She said that he had a huge ego and wanted her to be around him as long as possible. He even had his costumes hanging around his hotel room. Howard asked her if he fell asleep in his room. She said that he wanted her to do stick around but she just couldn't do it. She had to get going.
George said that they're talking about a man that just passed away. That didn't stop Howard though, he kept asking Jessica about banging the guy. She said that she didn't remember all of the details and didn't remember if he had grey pubes.
Jessica said that Evel did put it in her the second time she saw him. She didn't get off from that though. She said that she feels like such a slut right now talking about this.
Howard took a call from Dominic Barbara who asked how long ago this was. She said it has to have been 20 years or so. He told her that she's got a hell of a book in her after hearing this. He said that he was never with her and he never even tried anything. She said that the things she knows are just amazing. He said that she really should just do a book. Jessica said that it would be too much. She has a lot of stuff for the book but it would be too much.
Howard jokingly said that Dominic once told him that she was behind the fall of the Soviet Union. Dominic said that he used to get calls from a lot of people asking to meet Jessica.
Howard said that Jessica falls for some odd celebrities. He said that no one falls for Evel Knievel. She fell for Sam Kinison and Evel Knievel. Robin said that the guy was a mess even back then. Jessica said that's what she liked about him, he was so rough and gruff. She said it was just silly of her to do it at the time but she was just having fun.
Howard thanked Jessica for the story and asked her if she had anything to say about him before she got off the phone. She said that she hopes that he's in God's arms now. Howard said that it was funny when Gary told him about this story and he actually lost a bet to Gary over it.
Howard let Jessica go and played some ''Dropping loads'' clips from Nick Manning and then had George Takei do another announcement as they went to break.
Howard came back and had George do another announcement. George wished everyone happy holidays in a bunch of different ways. Howard said that George is still on Heroes even though he's died. George said that he had some great scenes on that show even after he died. He got to go to his own funeral on the show. He said that he also enjoys doing the lines in Japanese but he loves the challenge.
Robin said that she hates when they go to Japanese because she has to go back and watch if she's not in the room at the time. She said she has to go back on her TiVo and check to see what she missed.
Howard mentioned the Hank Azaria thing they did earlier and George said he may go back stage at his show this week and say something to him about the creepy comments.
George said that he's working on a new movie but he's not going against the writer's strike. He said that he signed on to do it before the strike and he has to do it since he's under contract. He said that he's working on ''The Red Canvas.''
Howard asked Eric to explain to him what he was talking about with the web sites that he was throwing out there. He wondered if he was getting paid. Eric threw out a couple of sites, including JFSC.tv, during the call. Howard didn't get it and Eric wasn't explaining why he was doing it.
Howard told Eric to blow out a kiss to Diana Degarmo. Eric refused to do that too. Howard told him to stick his thumb up his ass. Eric refused to do that too.
Eric told Howard that he just went on this Stickam.com and he talks to people on there. He said a lot of SFN people go in there to talk to him. Howard told Eric to do a donut with his wheelchair. He said that wouldn't work. Howard wanted to see more of Eric's apartment but Eric wouldn't show that either. He wouldn't show Howard anything but what he had on his cam. Howard wanted to see his PJ pants but Eric wouldn't do that.
Howard asked Eric to show him the gay porno they sent to him. Eric refused to do all of that. Robin asked him how his script is coming along. Howard told her not to bother asking about that. He said that he was supposed to read Isaac's script over the weekend but he never got to that either.
Eric said that he called into Bridget's show on Playboy. Howard said they didn't have it yet but he'd get to it. Then he hung up on Eric so he could watch how pissed off he gets on cam. The guys watched him for a short time and noticed that he was smiling while he was talking to them. Howard said he had no idea he did that at all. He said that was kind of sweet. He said it's definitely worth checking Eric out on there if you can.
Howard told Gary to get Eric back on the phone so he could talk to him and apologize for hanging up on him. He took some other calls while they were waiting for that.
Howard said that there have been a couple of shows that have ripped off his show. One of them was Street Smarts and the ''Are You Hot'' show that was on for a little while. That one he sued over. This ''Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader'' is one that really ripped him off too and he wants to sue over that.
Howard said that his father was talking to him about this 5th grader show and he got all pissed off when it came up. He said that they stole the idea from his show.
Howard played a clip from the show where this woman is asked what country Budapest was the capital of. The woman playing said she thought that Europe was a country. She had no clue. Howard let that clip play through and the woman eventually guessed that it was going to be France. She didn't know that Hungary was a country.
Howard said that Martha Stewart came up to do her show the other day and they had a big Christmas tree out in the lobby. She took one look at it and said it was awful. She said she was going to fix it up herself so that's what they did. Howard said that people are saying that it's the greatest Christmas tree of all time now. He heard that they went out and got chocolate figures of Howard Stern and Beth O and hung them on there.
Robin wanted to go out and check it out but the Howard TV guys went out and got some video of it instead. Howard wanted to see it in person too. Gary heard that there were some complaints that there was no Jewish representation on the tree. Howard said that Jewish people have to realize that the world hates them.
Gary told Howard to stick to that song because he goes into a whole story. Howard played more of that song and Robin was arguing with the guy in the song. Howard moved on to the next song which was called ''Reparations.'' He played a little bit of that and then some of the next song. Howard and the guys all goofed on the songs as they were playing. Howard played another one called ''If I Could Be a ni**er For a Day.''
Howard said there was another one called ''Jesse Showed Up'' so he played a bit of that one. Johnny tells long stories in his songs. George said that the music is really good but the lyrics are very offensive. Howard played another one called ''ni**er-In-Law'' when Robin said she wanted to hear that one instead of ''Send Them All Back To Africa.''
Howard said he didn't understand that last song. He tried to figure out what story he was trying to tell in that one. He had a couple of other songs like ''Quit Your Bitching ni**er'' and ''Fuck You Osama bin Laden.'' He played some of the Osama song which he found kind of boring. George said that he just thought of a great Christmas present for Nichele Nichols.
Howard said that Imus is starting his new radio show this morning. They're doing a live show and Gary said that he saw it on this RFD TV and it looks like the set of Hee Haw or something. Howard asked JD to pull some clips so they could hear what he's going to be doing on this new show. He said that the show is worse than ever and you just can't stay tuned to it.
Howard was going to play some clips from the Imus show and said that he's not going to get any ratings higher than his 1.3 that he used to get. Gary said that he heard that people at the station were asked to buy tickets to this event this morning. They charged people $100 per ticket to get into it.
Howard played the beginning of the Imus show where people are cheering and they're playing big music to introduce the guy. Howard said he wanted people to see how long they could stay tuned. Imus gives the time as soon as he starts the show. He talked about what they had coming up and mumbled his way through that. He says a lot of ''Uh'' during that. Then he introduces the people from the show and gives their home towns.
Howard was bored with the show already and goofed on the guy about all of the ''Uh'' stuff he was doing. He said he feels really bad for Curtis Sliwa and his partner who lost their jobs to they could put this old man on in place of their show. They used to beat Imus in the ratings but they were replaced with him.
JD said that they actually bleeped him saying the word ''hell'' on that show. Howard said that its' really demeaning to the black woman they have on that show because they're saying that she's there to keep him in line. He said that's the only reason she was hired, there was no other reason for it.
Howard did his impression of Imus and goofed on him for a short time. He played one clip where Imus introduced this new cast member on his show. He did that after giving the time and bragging that he was on RFD TV and getting applause for that. Then the woman, Karith Foster, was introduced. Robin said that Imus should have just admitted that he was forced to hire her. Howard did his impression again and said that they're going to keep her quiet and not let her talk so much. Robin said there must be great chemistry there with those two.
Karith talked about being from Texas and told some lame jokes. Howard said that she's going to fit right into that show. She wasn't funny but Imus was laughing in the background. There was a lot of awkward silence there though.
Al Rosenberg called in and said that he's pretty sure that Imus is already trying to get that chick fired. He said he's pretty sure he's trying to get her out of there so he can just talk to his other cast members. Al said that he's pretty sure that he's going to be telling her to say a few words and then get the hell out. He thinks that he'll just have her call in her short reports instead of being in the studio.
Howard thanked Al for calling in and then got back to the clips from Imus' show. That Karith chick was going into a whole comedy act. Howard said it would be great if Imus made a black joke on his first day back and got fired. George said that he's just trying to save himself by having that woman on his show.
Howard said that his show is a mess and if he was a program director he'd pull the hair out of his head when they hired that guy. He continued to goof on Imus doing his impression of him. George wondered how his interviews with James Carville go. Howard said that you never understand a word Imus is saying so that brings things to a grinding halt.
Howard said that was his little rant about Imus and now people can just watch Imus' ratings dwindle. He said he feels bad for whoever it was who hired him over there at WABC. Howard said they were going to have Craig Gass sit in during the news after the break. He went to commercial after that.
Howard came back and belched along to the Stones song that was playing. He had comedian Craig Gass (Myspace.com/CraigGass) come in after that. He gave him a plug for an appearance he's making out in Washington state this weekend. He also had George Takei do another announcement.
Howard mentioned that Artie wasn't there today since he called in sick. He asked where Craig was. He came in on his own since no one was helping him get in there. Will said he didn't hear him call for him. Craig came in talking in his own voice.
Craig said that one of his favorite voices to do is Tracy Morgan and he heard that he was in since he was on last. Howard stopped him and pointed out how odd his beard was looking. His hair was dyed jet black too and Howard said it wasn't a good look. Craig said it was always great to come back to the show.
Craig also said that he has a girlfriend now. Howard said that he had that one armed chick who was on the show. Craig said that he got a voice mail from Bob Levy that day and he told him that she was throwing him under the bus that morning and wondered how a one armed woman could do that. Howard said that chick, Jen, said that Craig used to wait by the radio waiting to hear his name mentioned.
Howard asked Craig to do some of his voices for George Takei since George wasn't familiar with him. Craig did his Sam Kinison impression for him and George said he had to peek because it was so impressive. He asked who else he does. Howard jokingly said that was it. Craig did a little bit of his Tracy Morgan and then said he pranked Al Pacino this week. He was at a Gene Simmons roast recently and went into his Gene Simmons impression. George let out a chuckle so Howard said that was George saying that he liked his Kinison impression better.
Howard asked Craig to do his Al Pacino impression. Craig did a second of that and then told the story of prank calling the guy and doing his Pacino impression for Pacino. He told Pacino that he was his long lost brother and yelled at him to call him back. Craig said that he left the message but didn't say if he heard back from him.
Craig said that he heard a story from Alec Baldwin getting Al Pacino getting pissed off at him. That led to Craig doing an Alec Baldwin impression of him telling the story and when Pacino saw him in the building he got all freaked out because he had a problem with him at the time. Craig was doing both Pacino and Baldwin talking about this play that Baldwin was in and how he didn't want to upset Pacino. Pacino wondered how he could enjoy being him because he's miserable as himself. Robin said that Craig even did the Beverly D'Angelo impression during that story.
Jessica Hahn called in after that and said that she and Craig messed around one time. Craig didn't remember that and said that he's never even met her. Jessica wanted him to play along, she was making it up. She was going to tell a story but he ruined it.
Howard said he had Tracy Morgan on the phone to complain about the way he does his voice. It was actually just the guys playing clips of Tracy on the show.
Howard gave Craig some more plugs for his upcoming gigs and said you can find out more at Myspace.com/CraigGass. Craig talked more about the roast he did for Gene Simmons. Craig said that he joked about his hair and how he had more hair than any bald guy he's ever seen. He said that Lisa Lampanelli killed at that roast and so did Jeff Ross. He said that Ross was saying that he used to be a huge fan of his until he actually met him.
Craig said that he wanted to tell a story about Gilbert Gottfried doing a roast one time but Howard stopped him from doing it back when they were back on K-Rock. He said that Gilbert was asked to do a roast one time and he wasn't supposed to do any material. He said that Gilbert didn't know what to do when he was asked to do some material. Craig said he told Gilbert to just go up and tell some irrelevant stories that had nothing to do with the roast so that's exactly what he did. He went up and told 5 minutes of child rape jokes and gay jokes.
Howard wanted to get back to the Miss Amputee story. Craig said that he met her at an event and when they started doing stuff, he told her that they should keep it on the down low because they were going to get goofed on. He said it was kind of weird to have sex with her because that arm does come off. He said that he got a back rub from her with that stump. He said that he didn't have a problem with her not having an arm but he was afraid to introduce her to some of the comedians he worked with because he didn't want to get goofed on.
Craig said that Miss Amputee was a bit of an attention whore and he didn't like that. He said that they went to a show one time and she wanted to get her ass eaten out by Bob Levy that night. He said that it was going to make her look bad but she didn't mind. He said that he loves Bob Levy but he didn't want to see him eating blue cheese dressing out of her ass. She went up and did it anyway and that freaked him out.
George asked Craig if he got kissed by Jeff Ross like he did on the Shatner roast. Craig said that didn't happen to him but he did see George get that kiss. George said he didn't know where that came from but it was a good kiss.
Craig said that Steve-O was at this roast they did and he ended up peeing on the stage. He almost peed on Danny Bonaduce's back at the event and Danny had no idea it was going on. If Danny had seen it, he probably would have kicked his ass. He ended up getting kicked out after that.
Howard said that he didn't know that Craig had a coke problem. Craig said he did and he's been sober for almost 3 years now. He said he went to rehab a few years ago.
Craig said that he tried calling Letterman's show as Al Pacino one time and tried to get Letterman on the line. He said that he got a hold of some chick there and she told him that Dave was busy but he could call back and get him later. He said that he ended up talking to the woman who answered the phone and she hung up thinking that it was really Pacino.
Craig said that he was going to go to rehab for this coke problem but they booked him for a gay rehab center. He said that he doesn't really have a problem with gay people so he just went into the place for a couple of months. He said that it was actually great and didn't get hit on over there. He said the toughest person there was a lesbian lumberjack from Oregon.
Howard said that they had the picture of Steve-O peeing behind Danny Bonaduce's chair at the roast. He got a good laugh from that.
Craig said that when he got out of rehab he moved in with Mitch Hedberg and ended up falling off the wagon there. He said that Mitch was a great guy and he had seen this rehab book in his bag and felt bad about getting him back on the drugs.
Craig said that he called Eddie Van Halen recently and got him when he was on the toilet. Eddie told him he was taking a shit at the time so he let him go. He never did call him back though.
Howard said he had no idea that Craig had a drug problem and he was sorry to hear that. Craig is doing fine now that he's been sober for 3 years. He went into his Al Pacino impression again and did a few more seconds of that before Howard wrapped up and gave him some more plugs. They went to break but Howard had him stick around for the news.
Steve said that they also have a story about BBC 4 running a story about Howard after Martin Bashir ran a new interview that was based on an interview he did with him 2 years ago. They also have a report on the story about Howard and George Takei on Gay.com.
they also have a story about Benjy from an old school mate of his. They have some stuff about High Pitch Eric finding a new home and some stuff about Imus returning to radio this morning.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He said they'll talk about Artie being out this morning and everything that went on there. Howard said that he really thinks that Artie could be sick from his unhealthy eating and all of that. He's still going to give him the benefit of the doubt. Robin said that she's not sure what it is. Craig said that he spoke to Artie over the weekend and he sounded fine to him on Saturday. He sounded normal then.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he had some stuff about Artie and he thinks that he just wants to leave the show. Howard said that they'll let Artie talk about that himself when he comes back.
Howard had Ivy Supersonic on the phone so he asked her if she was at Benjy's apartment. She was and she said that they have a dentist appointment today. Craig asked about the ''we'' thing. Howard said that he's not sure that he likes this make over thing that Ivy is trying to do with Benjy. She wants him to get some hair transplants. Howard asked her if she'd get her tattoos removed for Benjy. She said she'd consider it.
Howard told her that hair transplants don't ever look good, although Craig's do. He was kidding about that. The guys ended up goofing on Benjy a little bit about the hair transplant thing and let Ivy go before she got in anymore about that.
Howard asked George if he's ever had anything done. He said it's all him and he's worked hard to get every wrinkle.
Jon Hein got back to his Wrap UP Show rundown and mentioned that they'll talk about George Takei returning to the show.
Howard said that Crazy Alice called up over the weekend to complain about Governor Schwarzenegger calling in and claiming that he wanted to move the earth 2 inches further away from the sun. She believed that it was really him calling in. Howard played her voice mail where she flipped out on him saying that only God can move the earth and he should back off of that plan. Howard said he agrees with the plan and backs him in it.
Jon said that they'll be talking about Robin taking out Jim Florentine to the DogCatemy Awards and many other things that went on today on the show. Howard said that maybe Craig will even show up on that show. Jon said that he's always welcome there.
Howard said that he had some sad news from Leticia Cline who was on the show last week. She was fired from the GNCC motocross racing that she was covering. They fired her because she rode the Sybian and they thought that it was something that penetrated her. She wrote them and said that racing was her life and her family got mad at her for revealing some things. Howard said they should have her back in to talk about that. She was really upset because racing is her life.
Robin read a story about this senator who was arrested for trying to solicit an undercover cop in an airport bathroom. That led to George talking about how he used to do that in bathrooms many years ago. He told the guys some stories about that and how it wasn't that scary back then. These days it is. He said that he used to visit glory holes as well and he would be on both sides of that hole at times. He said that he was on the receiving side more often than the giving side. Howard jokingly told George that he can't be drilling a hole in the wall in the studio this morning. Fred played some sound effects as if George really was drilling in there.
Howard took a break in the middle of the news. When they came back Howard said that George was so impressed with Craig's act that he was thinking about going to see him in Vancouver, Washington this weekend. He had Robin get back to her news a short time later.
Howard read through some e-mail during the news. He read some feedback about the Shaw Blades concert that Lonny Heckman's family attended last week. Howard read an e-mail from a fan who said that they work in terrestrial radio but haven't listened it since getting SIRIUS. That led to Craig talking about some of the radio guys that he's spoken to and how some of them are upset that Howard ruined the business by leaving and moving to satellite. That led to Craig doing his Al Pacino impression talking about how great this new medium is and how important it is. Howard was cracking up when he heard him doing the impression.
Howard said he can't look at Christina Aguilera again in a sexy way. He saw the picture of her on the cover of Marie Claire magazine, pregnant. He said that really bothers him when he sees that shit. He said the Demi Moore nude picture of her pregnant bothered him too.
Robin read through some more news and Craig did more of his Al Pacino impression. Howard ended the show a short time later, around 11:00am, after giving Craig some plugs.
Howard started off the show talking about how George Takei was there and he'd be in all week. He had him do a quick announcement before moving on. George did one about being sick and saying it sounded like Artie's illness. Artie was back this morning after missing yesterday's show. George said hello to his cuddly muffin.
Howard told Artie that he was one of the few people who believed that he was out with just an illness yesterday. George said that he really thought he was sick yesterday. Howard said he sounded different yesterday though.
Howard said that people were giving him a hard time about letting Artie get away with this stuff these days. Some people are saying that he wouldn't let anyone else get away with it. Howard was also saying that he got a hold of that Playboy interview that Artie did and it was the saddest thing he's ever read. He said that it got him really scared and depressed.
Artie said that guy was a really good writer. He said he didn't know how much information he gave him during the time he spent with him. He said that Artie picked up a $72,000 check at one of his gigs and he was complaining about it not being enough. Howard said that Artie is one of the highest paid comedians out there on the road right now. Artie said that he's not in Dane Cook's league though.
Artie said that the gap between him and Dane Cook is pretty big. Howard told him he doesn't have to explain that. Howard said Artie got that $72,000 check and thought it wasn't enough and Artie said that he thinks that makes him come across as a douche bag. He said that he knows that's why people wanted that job that he has.
Howard said that this article about Artie is crazy and he didn't know how bad things were. Howard said Artie isn't like all of these guys like Belushi and Chris Farley but he must have it all wrong. He said that he heard that Farley was just like Artie as far as being really nice to hang out with.
Artie said that he hung out with Farley years ago and he really doesn't think he has those long binges left in him. He thinks that he's outlived all of those guys who he idolized. He said that the article depressed him and he's still lonely. He's got a lot of problems and he sees that in the article.
Howard told Artie he needs to bang Jessica Hahn. Artie said he heard about her being with Evel Knievel. Howard asked Artie what was wrong with him yesterday. Artie said that he wasn't able to talk, he was nauseous and just felt like crap. Howard said that someone pointed out that Artie misses George's first day when he comes in for a week. Artie said that could be his crazy homophobia kicking in.
Artie said that was a cheap shot and Howard agreed. Howard said that George should demand an apology. George said he's going to do that, he's going to go see him at his show there in the city and ask for an apology.
Fred asked if George ever dealt with Hank. George said he didn't so Fred said that was a really unfair story to tell. He called Hank an asshole for telling a story about someone he's never even met. Artie said that could keep him from getting work when there's a story out there like that. Howard said that Hank should come on the show and explain himself and tell them if he made that story up or not.
Artie got on the scale and came in right at 300 pounds. He wasn't as much as people were thinking. Artie said it's sad that 300 pounds is good news.
George said that they were talking about this on the Wrap Up Show yesterday so Howard played some clips from that show. In one clip they were talking about Artie being out and how he gets special treatment and that's why they don't get after him for not coming in once in a while. Gary said that they knew what they were getting when they hired Artie. In another clip George was saying that Robin should have been an inspiration for Artie. Gary said that Artie won't do that enema thing. George talked about how an enema can be a great experience. He said that you feel so clean after getting one and Artie should get one because you feel so alive. Robin asked if they could imagine Artie being addicted to enemas and running around looking for his works.
Jessica was on the phone so Howard put her on and talked about how shocking the whole Evel story was. She said that she's got a lot of secrets and he'd be blown away by some of the stories. She said that she has some A-listers on that list. She said she blew Gene Simmons but that was a nothing story. She said there are a lot of people but she's afraid to talk about some of them. She said she can't tell them about these people because she just doesn't do that stuff.
Jessica told Howard to think about some of the people who had movies out in the 1980s and they'd have a good idea. Howard went through some names but Jessica wasn't giving up any info. She wouldn't say yes to any of the names but they were throwing out names like Wilfred Brimley and guys like that.
Jessica thinks that everyone should leave Artie alone. He probably just needs her for a day and she'd help make him happier. Artie asked if she was talking about something more than sex. Jessica said that she can show him how great it can to be to have a woman like her.
Artie said that he just went out on a date on Friday night with a 24 year old who works by him. Howard asked him if he gave her money out of habit. Artie said that he did that indirectly when he paid the waiter for the food he brought out to them. He said that he had seen her out around town near his home.
George said that he really felt that he was doing the Howard Stern Show this morning because he saw Artie eating his glistening bagel with a Starbucks coffee and a Hawaiian Punch. Artie told him that Hank Azaria was right, he is creepy.
Howard said that Artie's breakfast is more calories than George eats in a whole day. George said he knows that Artie has more coming today too. He figured that he'd be eating the pancakes drowning in syrup later on. He told Artie that he should be inspired by that woman sitting across from him in her booth. Artie said that she looks great but he said that as he had a mouth full of food.
Howard said that Robin is going to be out clubbing with her girlfriends this weekend, that's how in shape she is now. Robin said that she'll be dancing with the other girls when they go out. Howard asked her about this new emerging sexuality that's coming out now. Robin said she's just having fun.
Howard talked about some of the crazy times he had with Jessica. He said he used to have her take her panties off when they'd go out somewhere. He said he even had her come up behind him in a men's room one time. He said he felt someone right behind him and it was her. She was trying to help him pee by holding his penis. He told her it was going to be very hard to pee like that so he had to ask her to stop.
Artie asked Robin if the idea of kissing another woman on the lips is so gross to her that she's never do it. Robin said she'd never do that no matter how drunk she was. Jessica said that she's kissed a girl before, when she was at the Playboy mansion. She said that this girl came up to her and started kissing her. It was very strange to her but she went with it because it was New Year's Eve. She said that she got a hug too but she's really not into that. She said it was fun but it was more like a roller coaster ride.
Artie asked Jessica who she wouldn't bang on the staff there. She said there are a few. Scott the Engineer was one of them. Artie laughed and said that he always gets on that list. Stuttering John was another one that she wouldn't be with when he was working there. She said she's not sure what JD looks like so Artie said they'd assume ''no'' on that one. Jessica said that Ronnie the Limo Driver scares her. Fred she'd sleep with, she really likes him. Jessica said that she hasn't had more than 10 guys doing straight sex. Evel Knievel was one of them.
Artie asked if Evel could have jumped all of the guys that Jessica has blown. Howard said that 10 percent of her guys were Evel which is crazy to him.
Howard told Artie that he should do Jessica when he's out in California. Artie said he was supposed to be out there to do Kimmel but the writer's strike screwed that up. Howard told him he should just fly out there and do her. Fred said he should just fly out and stick his cock through the mail slot in her door.
Howard and the guys talked about how Jessica is technically in a relationship but she seems to be free to do whatever she wants.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that it takes him a year to earn the kind of money that Artie makes in one show. He said that's a shock to him. Artie said he had just estimated something higher than that for that show, that's why he was thinking it wasn't quite enough.
Howard read through some mail about George Takei being on the show. The fans really seem to like him and they get an overwhelming amount of mail about that. Artie said that George is one of the few people who don't get negative e-mail. Everyone else on the show get negative emails, even Howard. Howard created the show and even he gets negative mail. George said that it's amazing to get that kind of feedback being on the show. He's just being him.
Howard read some feedback about the coverage they gave to Imus yesterday. Some people thought he spent too much time on that. Howard read some mail about Jessica Hahn talking about her sex with Evel. Some people didn't like hearing her talking about that and they don't want her on the show. Some people think that her expiration date was 15 years ago.
Howard read some mail about Artie being out sick. The fans were pissed that he wasn't there again. Howard read one where someone called Artie ''Artie Lame'' and said that he can't believe that Howard is putting up with him failing to show up. Some fans think that Howard is taking this too lightly and he wouldn't let anyone else get away with it. Artie takes off more time than anyone else on the show and no one complains about it.
Howard read the e-mail where someone pointed out that Artie missed George's first day of the week a few times. Howard said that there were a lot of people saying that Artie ''calls out sick'' when it should be ''calls in sick.''
Howard said there were some people asking about the song they played yesterday called ''Christmas in Fallujah.'' A lot of people liked it but there were some that didn't. Some people were wondering where to get the song (iTunes). Howard said he thought the song was great but there were a few people who thought it was awful. Howard said he really did like it.
Howard said that a lot of people liked Craig Gass on the show. There was some negative feedback and he read through a couple of those. George said that there sure are a lot of angry people out there.
Howard said some people want to see the Martha Stewart Christmas tree that they discussed yesterday. The tree is out in the lobby. Robin said that it's just okay and it's not as magnificent as some people are making it out to be. Howard said he thought it was great and it was cool that Martha Stewart did what she did for that.
Howard asked the guy what punishment what he'd want them to give to Artie. The guy said that someone needs to drag Artie's ass out of bed every morning and get him to work. He was pissed that everyone was laughing this off. The guy wasn't sure what else to do with Artie. He had to think about that for a short time. The guy he doesn't get that Howard doesn't get pissed that Artie can make it to the shows he does but he can't make it to this one.
Howard said that he's not sure what to do with him to punish him. The caller said that Artie should make it to work or just stand in line with Jackie waiting for his welfare check.
Howard said that Artie should be at work, he wasn't aware that he missed so much though. He said that when he came there they had a deal that said Artie could take time off. Artie said that Howard and Robin are never sick and that's pretty amazing. He's not the same way. He's unhealthy and gets sick more often.
Howard told Artie that next time he's out sick he's got to get an ass bleaching and a waxing to get out all of the hair. Artie said he had friends who said he was only going to last 3 weeks in that job, he's been there for 6 years. He doesn't miss an insane amount of work though. Robin said that it is quite a bit though.
Howard said that he likes when Artie is there but they also have a good time when he's not there so he's not that upset about it when he doesn't come in for a day. He said that the Playboy article would have even freaked him out if he didn't know Artie. It's all that much more crazy when he does know him.
Howard said that it's odd that when Artie misses a day he's the one who is an asshole, not Artie. Artie said that he's really not. He said he's not sure how long he can do this radio show stuff for. He said that he never thought that he could make it six years on this show. Howard said he saw this coming, it's the holiday season coming up and it's time for him to start crying about doing the show.
Artie said that when he was acting work he was working very sporadically. He said it was great because he'd work for a little while and then get some time off. He asked Howard when he's going to be done with this show. Howard said he's done in 3 years, that's it. He said he used to tell Jackie about the 5 year deals and he'd give everyone that security. Now he wants to go out on a high note. Howard told him to stick around for 3 years and he can go out on a high note.
Artie said that he thinks that Howard has to come back in 3 years because he knows how important it is to keep people working. Artie said that he knows he has to get off this merry-go-round at some point.
George started to lecture Artie about the way he behaves and Howard said that Artie hates when he does that. George went on to tell the guys a story about how some people thought that he had died for real when his character was killed off on Heroes and he ended up getting a bunch of phone calls from people thinking he was dead. He said that if Artie keeps this up, people are going to think that he's really dead. That led to Fred trying to find the news report where Artie was reported dead when they were out in Las Vegas.
Howard said that George is trying to say that these great things come along in your life and you have to stick with them. George said that he had a lot of down time between hit series and some of the time was spent doing this show. Artie said that maybe he should do this show the way George does.
Fred had the bumper that they were looking for. He played the clip where they play a report from a Las Vegas news program where they report Artie's death. Artie said that the hotel had even confirmed his death at the time. He said that the head of security called him and asked if he was really alive and said that he had to see him physically to make sure that he was alive. Howard joked that they took one look at him and said that he was actually dead.
Howard asked Eric where he has to go to get on that web cam. Eric said it's on Stickam.com, or through JFSC.tv, and he's in a chat room over there. He gave them the info they needed and Artie said that it was hard to insult him when he sees him in there. Eric asked Artie who's boobs were bigger when he went on his date yesterday, Artie or his date. Artie shot back at him with something that stumped him so he didn't have a response.
Howard had Eric showing Artie his mangled fingers. Artie said that stuff makes it hard for him to goof on the guy. Eric said that he had to have surgery on two of his fingers and showed them to the guys.
Howard said he heard Eric's call to Playboy radio the other night. He said the first time he called in he had set it up for him. This time Eric had to call in himself and get through on his own. He said that they didn't want him calling in over there but he managed to get through on his own this time. Howard told Eric he had to take a break first before he played the clip of him on that show.
Howard asked Eric to do some stuff while he was on cam but he refused to stick out his tongue and stuff. Howard took a call from ''Rod the Midget'' who was jerking off to Eric on his web cam. It was Richard Christy making sound effects like he was jerking off. He asked Eric to do some stuff like lift his shirt. Eric knew it was Richard and he said that everyone in the chat room knew it was him. Howard put Eric on hold and said he'd get back to him after the break.
Howard had George Takei do a quick announce before they moved on. George talked about his muffin Artie for a few seconds and wished everyone a Merry Christmas. He mentioned that Artie was eating chocolate chip cookies as he was talking about his weight. George also said that they had a top 5 list of Artie's problems in the playboy article that he did. It included...
Artie said he took this chick out to see the movie ''No Country For Old Men'' and that led to Robin saying that the movie really was great and Josh Brolin was amazing in the movie. She never thought she'd say something like that.
Howard played Eric the Midget's call to Playboy radio after that. Eric called the channel and spoke to this woman Bridget and told her about what he did at Thanksgiving. Bridget asked him about what he ate and the conversation went flat. Eric then said that he wrote a book and sent her a copy to read. He wondered if she had seen it yet. She hadn't seen it yet. She told him to send another one. Eric was also saying that he's writing a project for his channel and asked her if she would take a part. She didn't know what he was talking about. Eric filled her in on the story and how he's going to make a 44 minute long movie for Howard's channel.
Eric said that he'd send along the script when he was done with it. He said he included her dog in his children's book too. She thanked him for the call and wished him a good weekend. Howard said that she wanted him off the phone as soon as possible. She was asking him about his weekend and stuff and it was a horrible phone call. Eric said that he won't plug his channels anymore if that's the case.
Howard said he was watching Eric on his cam during that call and he saw him pick his nose and eat it. Eric said that his hands weren't even near his face. The Howard TV guys had a replay so they showed it. It showed Eric picking his nose and he did eat it. They had it on the replay. Eric said that they saw him in the chat room and they said he didn't eat it. Howard said it looked awfully suspicious.
Howard asked Eric what the crawl was at the bottom of the screen. Eric said that it was part of the web site that he's on. Howard wrapped up with him a short time later and let him go. Eric gave him a ''Bye'' and Fred threw in an ''Ehh'' after that.
Howard said you can get on that cam somehow but he wasn't sure how. Howard did an impression of Eric plugging all of these chat rooms and web sites and he's not sure of the most direct route to get there. Try this: JFSC.tv.
Lisa said that they offered Double A a job there at Howard 100 News and they haven't heard back from him since. The offer is now off the table. She said that they have some other stories today about Benjy and some of the stuff he's been doing. They had some video of him doing some stuff with some hot chicks and they found out that the chicks were actually former Miss Howard TV girls. Artie said that there was a really hot one in there and she may have been the hottest he's ever seen. This was a Yule Log special that they're going to be running on Howard TV this month.
Artie said that the chick on the left was the hottest chick he'd ever seen. Howard said she's marriage material right there. The guys talked about how hot the girls were and Howard said that one of them has to come to bed with his future wife.
Howard also mentioned the Howard Stern History special that's coming up on the 17th of this month. He got in a plug for Jackie the Joke Man and Riley's shows that are airing tonight on Howard 101.
Howard said that there's this web site where they have girls punching each other in the stomach and it's apparently some kind of fetish. He said that the video is at DoubleViking.com/belly-punching.
Howard said that Beth pointed out a picture of Jennifer Love Hewitt on Perezhilton.com and it was shocking how bad the ass was. He said that Jennifer has responded to that picture and she claims that she's upset that women have to deal with this kind of thing when they struggle with their weight. Howard read through her response to the pictures but she doesn't deny that the picture was her.
Howard said that her ass is something else. He said that it's probably worse than his was when he was in his Fartman outfit. He said that she's only 28 years old and she's a girl. He thinks that his ass would hold up better than hers. He said she's got tons of cellulite on that ass.
Howard said that there's a video of Amy Winehouse running around without enough clothes on in London where it was freezing cold. He said she's a mess so Robin asked if she's worse than Britney Spears. He said he wasn't sure, it was a close call.
Howard read an article to Fred about this new guitar that tunes itself. He read the article to him and Fred said that it was amazing. Fred said he heard about a Gibson that you could change the tuning on and maybe it was the same one. He said that's beautiful.
Howard said a listener sent him a chess set from Sharper Image and the set moves all of the pieces on its own. Robin thought it was something that she'd given him but he said it was something different. He said it does it so effortlessly that it's weird and creepy. He said it looks really cool when it's doing it but he wasn't sure how it worked.
Howard wondered when they were doing their secret Santa thing. He said he already bought the gift and wants to get that over with.
Artie missed the story about Robin and Jim Florentine going out the other night so Howard had to quickly go over that with him. Artie was shocked when they showed the video of the two of them out together. Artie said that he was really happy for Robin and Jim. Howard said that they were holding hands and they looked like a real couple out on the town. He said that Jim was like Robo-Jim and very well behaved that night. He said he did tell the reporters out there that he was Jeff the Drunk though. Howard said that Jim was like a 007 type that night and really swept her off her feet. They went to break a short time later after playing a new George Takei song parody that they had played yesterday.
Enrique said that the guys who come to the spa have dark skin on their penis and they want to lighten it up a little. He said that they don't have to be hard to get it bleached. He said he doesn't play with it or anything like that. Howard said he has to play with his to see anything down there.
Enrique said that they do both the asshole and the vagina on some women and they can sometimes take 5 or 6 treatments to lighten it up enough for the women. He said that this isn't the only treatment they offer at their spa. They have massages and facials as well.
Enrique said he had a woman come in and ask about this treatment about a year ago so he looked into it and started doing them. He said that they have had a major star come in to have his asshole bleached but he can't say who it was. He said that he suspects that he could be gay but he doesn't have any proof of that. Enrique said that he's seen this man before so it wasn't a surprise that he came there. Howard gave him a plug for his web site FaceToFaceNYC.com
Howard said that Richard Christy is going to have his ass bleached today but he hasn't showered since Friday. Richard said that he also didn't wipe this morning because he's trying to go green and not use toilet paper. Enrique said that he had a wipe for him to use before he got into this. Richard wanted him to do this without the wiping though so he refused to use it. Enrique said that he wasn't going to get too close then. He was going to keep his distance.
Richard took his pants off and revealed his dirty, naked ass to everyone. Howard and Robin let out some sighs and wondered why they were doing this. Enrique said there were some weird colors in there. Richard said he went to the bathroom and didn't wipe. George told him he has to have some respect for people. George said he was disgusted by him but couldn't take his eyes off of him. Howard told Richard to take one of the sanitary wipes and go wipe.
Richard said that he thought it would be funny if he didn't wipe. He said that George asking him why he didn't wipe was funny. Howard told him to take it in the bathroom and do that. Richard was filthy and Will, who wasn't even on mic, could be heard saying ''OH!'' over and over again.
Howard let Richard go off to wipe and took some phone calls. One guy was dry heaving on the phone. The Howard TV guys were showing Richard wiping in the bathroom and there were more ''OHH!'' comments coming from people in the studio.
Howard told Enrique that if he wanted to back out, he'd understand. He spent a minute talking to him about being a gay man. Enrique said he tried to have sex with a woman but he almost threw up. He knew he was gay when he was very young. They talked about the first time he had a man for a few seconds before Richard returned with a slightly cleaner asshole.
Richard said that this was a bit of a defense tactic on his part because he knew he had a guy coming in to do this. He said that a woman doing it would have been different. Artie told Richard that he's a bigger fruit than Enrique is. Richard said that he had a problem with a guy sticking his finger back there.
Howard asked Enrique what he was going to be doing. He told him that he would usually apply this stuff and let it sit. He said that Richard was a little cleaner back there but it was still dirty. Will said that it smelled like asshole in there and kept complaining about it.
Howard asked Enrique if he's ever put his cock in a man and pulled out a plum. He said that he's been with his boyfriend for 13 years and he can't recall that ever happening. Howard asked if they don't do it when they have a shit in the chamber. Enrique said that they'd probably hold off on that. Artie said that he'd imagine that gay guys don't have sex on Thanksgiving night.
Howard spent a short time talking to Enrique about the gay thing and then asked George if he has ever pulled out a plum while having sex. George said he's had some discoloration, not a plum. He said that he and Brad don't really do that stuff now, they stick to oral these days.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this is totally out of control hearing George talking about this gay stuff. He said he can't be a Star Trek fan anymore. George told him that he's just an actor and he should try to remember the Sulu he knew on that show and just think of him as that person.
Enrique had Richard get on all fours so he could bleach his ass. Will came over and stuck a dildo near his ass so Richard called him gay. Then Enrique smeared on some of this bleach stuff. Richard said it was really cold. Enrique said they apply it, leave it on for a few minutes and then neutralize it with water. He didn't let it sit too long before he washed it off. He said that it could take 5 or 6 treatments before it lightens up. Today he couldn't tell because there were so many different colors back there.
Howard wrapped up with Enrique and gave him a plug for his web site. He asked Robin if she was interested in doing something like this. She had no desire to do that. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard took a call from Bong Hit Bill who wanted to know if Howard is doing Letterman. Howard said the writers are still on strike so he doesn't have to do the show. He doesn't want to go on there anyway so he's kind of glad that they're dark over there. He said that the guys at SIRIUS asked him to do it and he was going to do it for them. He's not looking to go on these talk shows anymore because he doesn't feel he needs to.
Howard said he really doesn't care to go on these shows but the people at SIRIUS think he's disloyal if he doesn't do it. He said that this year God stepped in and did him a favor. He said he was saved from doing it not once, but twice. He said he now believes in God after this. He doesn't have to do Letterman now and he's very thankful for that.
Howard said that Carson Daly decided to go back on the air during this writer's strike. He did a whole explanation for why he was doing it. He said he was supporting the strike but they were going to fire the staff on the show and that's why he's going back on the air. Carson can't afford to pay his staff like Leno and Letterman can.
Howard said that Leno is the kind of guy who waits to see what everyone else is doing before he does it himself. That's why he was ready to give up on his staff and let them go during this strike. He said that TMZ.com got an interview with Jay and asked him about the situation with his staff. Jay was all uptight about doing the interview with TMZ and ended up telling them that he's going to pay his staff week by week hoping that the strike ends soon.
George said that the writers strike lasted for 6 months in 1988. Howard wasn't aware of that. George went on to say that it's really not fair the way the writers and producers get paid. He gave the guys a rundown of where the money goes when something like a movie is sold. They were throwing around numbers and talking about some of the other shows that are on hold right now.
Howard said that if anyone there goes on strike, he's not going to pay anyone. He said he'll support them emotionally, but not financially. He said that it's every man for himself if that happens.
George said that he dyes his hair but leaves a little grey on the temple. He said he does it himself too. Howard said he does a good job. Artie said that he is a gay guy so of course it looks good.
Howard said that he rarely looks at himself on TV so he doesn't pay that close attention to that. He said that Ralph told him it was too short and he was showing too much face. He said that it's so much easier to deal with when it's shorter though.
Howard asked if Martina Navratilova was there yet. She had just shown up a little late. Will came in and dropped off some of her stuff in the studio before she came in.
Howard asked the guys to bring Martina in there, he didn't want to wait. She came in a short time later. She said that they held her up downstairs because of her ID. They didn't recognize her at the security desk. Howard introduced her to George Takei. She said she knows who he is, she used to watch Star Trek and she watches Heroes too. She said she missed the first few episodes this season so she has to get them on her iPod.
Howard talked to Martina about her tennis career and also about her being a lesbian. Howard said that he likes that she has the ability to turn a straight woman gay. He said she's had so many accomplishments in her life including dating this Judy Nelson woman. He said that she was a married woman and a former beauty queen that Martina turned gay. He said that she watched Martina play and she dumped her husband and ran off with her. Martina said that Judy pursued her and it wasn't the other way around.
Howard said he didn't want to pry into her life but he was so in awe of this whole story that he had to know more. He asked her details about how this married woman becomes gay and dumps her husband. Martina said they just went out to lunch and that was that. She said that Judy asked her to lunch from what she remembers. She said that was like 23 years ago though so she wasn't sure if that was the whole story. Martina said she rarely went on dates back then but she had a connection to this woman as soon as they went to lunch.
Martina said that Judy did have problems in her marriage before all of that happened. Howard told her that it was an amazing accomplishment. He wondered if he could turn Martina straight. She said that she may not go straight but she can be with men. It's all emotional stuff, not physical. She said that she has been able to get aroused with a man. She said that she hasn't been able to get it on with a man emotionally, that's the problem. She said that she has had a man since she was 17 and Robin said that was a revelation right there. She said she was just kidding about that.
George Takei said that this happens with all gay people. He was able to have a relationship with a woman and he loved her. Howard said he knew a guy who had sex with a woman he thinks was gay and the guy came out with a black and blue penis because she wasn't into him.
Howard said that he doesn't want Martina to seduce his woman. He asked her to promise to never do that to him. She laughed when she heard that. Howard gave her a plug for the AARP since she's now their health ambassador. Howard said that they sent him a card from the AARP when he turned 50 and it was very upsetting.
Martina said that if she could get to Artie and help him out with her health plan, she'd have him playing basketball every day. Artie said that he'd have to lose about 25 or 30 pounds before he could do that. Howard and Robin told Artie he has to start doing that now, he can't wait any longer.
Howard had Artie tell Martina what he had for breakfast this morning. He had a bagel, Hawaiian punch, a coffee from Starbucks and chocolate chip cookies. Martina said that was quite a combo. Artie went on to read Martina the list of problems he has, that were listed in Playboy. He read the paragraph where they talk about problems like:
Howard got back to Martina and asked her more about this married woman that she hooked up with. Martina said that she wasn't very proud that the woman left her husband but she did date her for 7 years after that so things worked out pretty well for them. She said that she was number 1 in tennis when they met and still number 1 when she broke up with her. She had to settle with her when they broke up even though they were just dating. Martina said that they were living together though.
Howard said that Martina dated a woman before this Judy woman and that one actually shot at her. They talked about that a little bit and Howard found out that Martina may have been cheating on that woman, Rita May Brown, when she got angry with her and shot at her. Martina said that she claimed that she wasn't aiming at her but the bullet just missed her by 10 inches or so. She said that she wouldn't have gone public with that if someone else hadn't come out with the story.
Artie said that maybe Martina should have given that other woman the backhand like Sean Connery says you should do. He said that two broads can fight, they're not men. Howard and Robin told him that you can't have any violence in a relationship like that.
Howard said that if someone shot at him, he could never sleep until it was resolved. Martina said that the other woman was in shock after she did it so she wasn't even able to move after she took that shot. Martina said she wasn't afraid to go home after that, they took the gun away from her. Years later that woman and Judy Nelson hooked up and dated for a short time. Martina said that was very weird.
Howard said that this is some life she's had and wondered if she ever had a threesome or orgies or anything like that. Martina said she thought she would have one some day but it just never happened. She said that she missed out on a lot more than he knows.
Howard thought that Robin was falling for Martina and she was going to steal her away. Martina said that she's married and Robin is straight so that was never going to happen and things worked out for their friendship. Howard said he always pegged Martina as going for the younger women but she's actually dated older women most of the time. Howard went through a list of women that she had dated and most of them were older than her at the time they dated.
Howard asked about the lesbian thing and if it's true that women like women more because they spend more time caressing and stuff. He said that Beth doesn't care about foreplay. Robin said that she must be ''very hetero'' then.
Howard said that Martina has been with her woman for 7 years now but they're not legally married. George said that he's been with Brad for a very long time but they're not legally allowed to marry. He said he would marry him if it was legal to do so. He said that he'd invite Howard to the wedding too. Howard and the guys talked about how they think that even George Bush isn't against the gay marriage thing but he panders to those people who think it's wrong.
Howard asked Martina about Rosie O'Donnell and if she could be attracted to her. She said that it all depends on the person. She said that it doesn't matter if they are over weight. She met Robin when she was still heavy and still liked her, as a friend. Howard asked what's more important, kissing, caressing the breasts or the vagina. Martina said that all women are different so it all depends on that person.
Howard said that he spends very little time on the breasts because he's a vagina man. He said he loves vagina. Artie said that when you get in a vagina, you realize that it's a perfect match and God did that for a reason. Howard asked if toys are important. Martina said that they used to be, but they're not essential now.
Howard said that Martina must want to be with a woman who is in shape. She's in such good shape herself that she must want a woman around who is like her. She said it's really not like that, they have to be healthy but not into sports as much as she is.
Howard asked Martina who she thinks was the best male tennis player. She ran through a bunch of names of the guys she thinks were great. Howard took a phone call who asked Martina if she took steroids when she was playing. She said she never did that and she advised a 15 year old boy against using stuff like that one time. Howard said that she used to work out a lot from what he remembers.
Another caller asked Martina if she ever fantasized about Chris Everett. She said that she really was cute but she never went there with her. She never did that with any tennis players because they were too close.
Howard said he thinks that Martina's life is good now and it had to be tough for her when she was growing up. She said that her father was tough on her teaching her tennis but he helped her get to where she did in her career. Howard said he heard that her father didn't like that she was a lesbian. She said that they didn't talk a lot after that but they did talk some. He eventually read a book about homosexuality and came around. She said that they didn't stop talking completely, they always talked. She said she did take it very personally though.
Howard said he and Martina have to sit down and have lunch sometime. He said he was picturing some stuff that he'd be doing to her if he was a lesbian woman. He said he saw tennis racquets flying around and stuff like that. Martina said that she used a tennis racquet for breaking crab claws one time so that came in handy.
Howard ended up talking about his upcoming wedding and said that they have decided what it's going to be like and when they might be doing it. They're talking to someone who plans these things so they're working on it now. Howard asked if Martina thinks that it'll end in disaster. Martina said she hopes not. She thinks that he knows what he wants now and where he wants to go with it.
Howard wrapped up with Martina and gave her some plugs for the AARP thing. He said you can find out more at AARPFitness.com. Martina said that people have to stay active to stay healthy and that's what she's trying to promote.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Martina is proud that Martina Hingis was named after her. Howard didn't know that was the case but it turns out that it was true and Martina was very happy with that. She played against her mother years ago and she liked that she named her daughter after her. The caller also asked if Anna Kournikova is her type. She said that she's really not.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked what kind of panties she was wearing. They soon found out that she doesn't wear panties at all. Howard was wrapping up with Martina but she mentioned that she does some art where she paints with tennis balls. Robin didn't have one yet so Martina said that she'd bring one along with her next time.
Howard asked Martina about drug use and found out she did try some of the not-so-heavy stuff. She said that she's a real lightweight though and got high from painting her nails this morning.
Artie asked Martina if she thinks that there were any guys from her era that she could have beat. Martina said that there was a bet back then saying that she couldn't beat a guy who was ranked 100 and she thought that she could have beaten one. She said that if she had done something like that, she would have had to have had a guy who was similar in stature to her. Howard wrapped up a short time later and went to break.
Howard said that Heidi Klum and Melanie Griffith are two others who do it. Robin said that she uses a handicapped stall in a bathroom but never parks in a spot. Artie wondered if he could get away with parking in one of those spots. The guys told him he could probably apply and get a permit at this point. Artie said that's one advantage to him being over weight.
Howard said that there's a story in the paper about Drew Barrymore drinking again. George said that Artie was eating again and said that it smelled good. It was something red. Howard said it was brown rice and chicken that he's tried to get Artie to eat. There was some tomato sauce on that as well. George said the quantity was quite large though so that's where it gets him. Artie also had a Pepsi with it. Artie said that he's having that instead of pancakes since George made him so self conscious earlier.
Howard said he was reading about Evel Knievel and what a miserable guy he was. He once broke the arm of a publicist with a baseball bat and got sued for over $11 million. The guy was never able to get the money from him though. The guy is still trying to get it and it's worth about $100 million at this point. He's going after Evel's estate now that he's passed away.
Howard read the article about the incident where Evel confronted him and took a swing at his head. The guy ended up blocking the blow with his arm, which may have saved his life, and it shattered.
Howard said that the thing that really shocked him was that Dana found out about his heroin use by listening to the show. Artie said that only two people knew he was using, him and his dealer.
Artie said the sad thing was that his father stole the ladder that he fell off of that paralyzed him. It had Bell Atlantic written all over it so that's why they couldn't lie and sue the ladder company. He spent a few minutes talking about that case and what happened back then.
Steve got back to his news rundown and said they're going to be talking about Artie's coke rage out in Los Angeles one time and how the hospital said that they had never seen so much coke in one person. Artie said that a stripper he met that night saved his life. He said that he met this chick at a bar and she told him she could get him some coke. He said he got belligerent with the guy and the guy had a knife. He said that he thought he was going to die but the chick stepped in and got between him and the dealer. He said she blew him later on after he got her the coke. Howard said that shows that there are good people in this world.
Howard asked Benjy if he got into a fight with his cab driver. Benjy said that he did. Howard said that Ivy Supersonic told them about it but Benjy said she didn't know about it. Howard said they got some other stuff from her and saw some pictures of her and Benjy out visiting her mother's grave. She's been taking him out and doing a lot of stuff with him. Howard figured that it must get annoying at some point. Benjy didn't mind it at all.
Steve said that Artie also reveals in his article that he proposed to Dana 3 times but didn't remember doing it the next day after doing it. Steve also said that they spoke to Sam Simon about George Takei working on The Simpsons and how he doesn't remember it the same way Hank Azaria did. Sam said that they loved having him on the show. George said he didn't remember calling the guy an angel.
Howard thought that Sam was going to call in on the show and talk to George but Gary said that Sam backed out of it after the news department interviewed him. George said that he would never call anyone an angel in front of other people.
Steve said that they spoke to Getty Images about them getting Jim Florentine's name wrong in the pictures of him and Robin together at the DogCatemy Awards. They're now listening him as Jeff Florentine. Steve also said that SternFanNetwork is down for it's second day after some type of attack on the site.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon said that they'll be talking about Richard's ass bleaching segment. Howard interrupted and said that he heard that Richard is going to an Inn for Christmas and they're paying to have elves tuck then in at night. Richard said that they enjoy life and doing stuff like that. They're doing sleigh rides through holiday lights and stuff like that. He said they really enjoy the holiday. Artie told him that kids do that kind of shit, not adults. Richard said they're having a blast doing it.
Gary said that this elf service is only available from 7-9pm so they're going to get tucked in and then go out drinking and go back to sleep later. He heard that the elves read stories and do other stuff like that. Howard said that's just plain weird. Richard said he wants to see if they hire midgets to do that stuff. He told Richard that life isn't a bit all the time.
Richard said he loves the whole holiday thing and he loves doing stuff like that. Shuli came in and said that he heard Richard on the phone a few weeks ago when they were on the road. He was calling a haunted hotel to book a room a year form now, for Halloween. He said he asked Richard if he's hoping to hear ghosts in his room and Richard said he doesn't believe in that shit. He wondered why he'd book a room like that if he doesn't believe in it. Howard had Jon run through the rest of his Wrap Up Show rundown and then had Robin get to her news.
Robin read a story about a helium shortage. That got Howard pissed because of these people who let their helium balloons go flying off and they end up in the oceans and choke birds and stuff like that. He said that he and Beth have actually picked up balloons on the beach and he gets pissed when he finds them. He said he doesn't give a shit about the balloon industry and he's really angry about that stuff.
Robin read through a couple more stories and had Howard playing some of the new Eagles songs. They didn't make it through a full song. They've gone country with their latest album.
There was one story about how some chimpanzees have been found to be smarter than college students. That led to Howard saying that we may not have the right to do some of the stuff we do with animals when they're smarter than some humans.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard thanked George for being there today. He asked Artie if he thinks he'll be able to make it there tomorrow. Artie told him to talk to Teddy (his assistant) about that. Howard ended the show around 10:35am.
Howard started off the show asking Robin about something that happened yesterday with Martina Navratilova. He said that Martina wants to go to dinner with him and he's thinking she wants to bang him to see what it's like to have a man. He went on to say that she gave him some gifts yesterday and they turned out to be really nice. He said that Martina and her girlfriend go to Africa and they brought some stuff back. He said that one of the gifts was a chess board from Africa with African chess pieces. He said it was really beautiful.
George Takei said that his parents went to Africa and saw some wild stuff over there. Howard said he'll never get over there to see any of that stuff. He also said that Martina got them a bulldog toy that sings and donated some money to the North Shore Animal League.
Robin got some gifts as well. She said that one of the things she's not even sure what it is. Gary had the same issue. He got something and he has no idea what it is. He showed it to everyone and no one was sure what it could be. They were thinking about putting it on the web site so they can ask someone to identify it.
Gary said that one of the Howard TV guys told him it's a wine bottle holder that you put a bottle in and it balances it. Brian Phelan was the one who came up with that. Howard said that figures, the alcoholic Brian knew what it was.
Robin wasn't even thinking about wine when she saw that. Howard said he was just kidding about the alcoholic thing with Brian too. Robin said that the thing she got isn't that, it was something that looked like a pen or something. Howard said this would make a good game show. They could have Martina give them gifts and they have to figure out what the hell it is.
Howard said he's not sure why he calls Brian an alcoholic because he only had one beer with him one time. He said he had a great time back then though and he'd like to be able to drink with him again. Brian came in and said that he was a little out of hand back then and he was told to calm down. He hasn't had a drink with Howard since then.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that Robin is a moron because the wine bottle thing was to keep the cork moist. Robin said that's not it at all, he wasn't seeing what they were talking about. The guy apologized since he hadn't seen it.
Howard said that George had revealed something during that discussion that was very personal and they had to cut that out. George asked if there's any end to this stuff. Howard said there really is no end. Howard said Gary called him yesterday and told him about this and said that George didn't laugh or anything. He took it very seriously.
Howard said he forgot about this idea and Artie just went off and did it. He said that Artie was almost in tears because George was so loving and nice about it. George said that he was going to be there for him and he'd hold his hand through it.
Howard said that he wouldn't play this without George's approval. George said that there were a couple of things in there that he didn't want out there but Artie told him they did cut a little bit out. George also went on to say that there are a lot of gay guys out there who are like Artie and act all manly even though they're gay.
Artie said that this was the hardest acting assignment he's ever had. Robin asked him if he was really gay but Artie said no way to that. He said he's going to submit this for his Emmy.
Howard said he never thinks about how George would take this and he feels bad for goofing on him like this. George said that he really thought Artie was gay too.
Artie said that he was doing this as a goof and he almost started to cry when he thought about how George had to do this for real. He felt dirty doing it because George was telling him these really personal things after he broke the news. He asked George to stop so he didn't have to hear them. George said that they hugged after the conversation and he as going to kiss Artie but he decided against it.
George said that he didn't even tell Brad about this because he promised Artie that he wouldn't do that. Artie said that he used some stuff in his life to go back and create new stories for this whole thing. Gary told Howard that they should stop talking about it and just play the tape.
Howard said that they were going to play the tape but they'll stop it if George gets uncomfortable with any of it. Artie said that he was really despondent over the whole thing.
Howard said that they even have video of this whole thing going down. George had no idea. They showed the hug between the two of them and George was being very sincere. Howard said he thinks that Artie may be gay. Artie said they shouldn't even fuck around with that. He's not gay.
Howard said he was going to play the audio but Artie told George that he should be suspicious when someone comes out to him in Sal and Richard's studio. George then realized that this was all orchestrated and organized just so they could fool him.
Howard played the audio of the conversation and said that there were about 3 minutes taken out because it was too personal. In the clip we heard Artie telling George that this was very awkward for him and said that him coming on the show was a godsend. He tells George that he's very nice and they're good friends and he has a unique problem. He said that years ago he was on the road doing stand-up and rooming with a guy who was a homosexual. Artie said that it was hard to say out loud because it would have such an impact on his world.
Howard interrupted and asked George what he was thinking at this point. George said he didn't know that it was going where it went. He just knew it was something that was torturing him deep inside.
Howard got back to the audio and Artie is telling George about this guy coming on to him and how the guy tried to kiss him. He said there were some confusing thought in his head. Then Artie pauses and tells George that he kissed the guy. The other guy couldn't believe it. Artie tells George that they let it all go after that.
Howard said that Artie was stuffing food into his mouth while they were listening to this. George said that he's heard stories like this quite a few times.
In the conversation we hear George telling Artie he's happy he's coming out to him. Artie went on to say that he had full gay sex with the guy and they gave each other oral and then he fucked the other guy in the ass.
Howard interrupted again and George said that this was all improvisation and it was pretty amazing. Howard said that Artie called him yesterday and explained where he came up with the story and how he really didn't have gay sex. Fred said he's thinking that Artie really wasn't making this up and he's really gay. Artie told him to watch it, that wasn't true at all.
In the clip we hear Artie telling George about how he cried in the other guy's arms and how he wouldn't usually do that. He then tells George that he feels like a hypocrite for doing what he does on the show. George tells him that this is a common thing with straight guys. He said that the human animal is pansexual and they have the wrings in them to do things like that.
George goes on to tell Artie that there are homosexual acts in the animal kingdom as well so everything does it. He said that Artie isn't that unique, we all share that. Howard said that he would have started laughing at that point. George told him that Artie was acting and he was keeping it under control.
George and Artie kept talking about this and Artie said that he's been trying to keep this hidden and he's tried to make things work with women and it just doesn't work. He said that he wants to come out and just tell everyone what he's doing. He said that he could have the courage to help