For the week of 12/10/2007 to 12/14/2007

• I had five Miss Howard Stern Show Posters to give away thanks to Howard TV. The posters (11x17) are autographed by Andrea, Miss Howard Stern, in silver ink.

  Congratulations to the five winners:

  1. Francisco from Torrance, CA. - November 9
  2. Michael L. from Hayward, CA - November 16
  3. Chris H. from Trappe, MD - November 23
  4. Elmer B. from Long Beach, CA - November 30
  5. Pat D. from Fort Collins, CO - December 7

• Almost Everyone Misses George Takei. 12/10/07. 6:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: A prank call made using Eric the Midget audio clips, James Taylor performing ''Carolina In My Mind'' live in Howard's studio.

  Howard started off the show by taking a phone call from a guy who asked when George was going to be back. The guy misses George Takei already and they hadn't even started the show. Artie said he missed him already too because no one had said anything about the food he was eating yet. That led to Howard saying that Artie was eating so much last week that he figured he was doing it just to get back at George. George was sitting there staring at him the whole time.

  Artie said he could feel him staring at him the whole time. Howard said he hates when people stare at him when he's eating. He said that his dog knows enough to take its bone and run off into another room. He said he used to do the same thing when he wanted to eat.

  Artie said it's even worse when it's an elderly Asian, gay, science fiction star. Howard said that he'd look over once in a while and see him looking at Artie in disgust.

  Howard said that the funny thing was when George gave Artie his Christmas gift and it was a big box of chocolates. Artie said he wanted to make him feel guilty so he ate the whole box in front of him. George told him he should eat like one a week but Artie ate them all in one sitting. Howard said that was bad but he realized that he gave Artie a whole case of Jack Daniels once. He said he'd never do that again. Artie said that he'd probably give him a case of heroin.

  Artie said he felt so bad about what he did to George last week that he started to write a letter to him. Every last sentence he wrote was about how he'd like to do something gay to the guy.

  Howard said he wants to play an answering machine message that Artie left for everyone but he might have to take a break to get it recorded. He wasn't even sure how to dial out from there. He said that they'd have to go to break so he could pull it off for everyone. He went to break about 8 minutes into the show.

• Howard A Knicks Fan, But Doesn't Know Player Names. 12/10/07. 6:15am
  Howard came back after a few commercials and said he took care of what he needed to. He said there was a picture of him with Beth and his daughter and her friend at the Knicks game over the weekend. He said that he realized that he's very passionate about the Knicks. He said he didn't know what it was like to have disappointment in a team losing until that happened. He talked about that for a short time saying that there was an era for the Knicks where he became a fan many years ago. He said now he's a die hard fan thinking that the team is great.

  Howard said he gets to sit all the way up front at the game so that's cool. He said that it's weird when you love them so much that you get upset when they lose. He said that he really doesn't watch the game that much but there's this little guy on the team that's really good. He said the last name is something like Robinson. Gary came up with a couple of names but no one was sure if it was him. Howard eventually figured it was Nate Robinson.

  Howard admitted he doesn't watch the game much these days, but he's been a fan of the team since he was younger and they were really good. Gary told Howard about this Robinson guy who is only 5'9'' tall but he's got a 44 inch jump.

• Artie's Voice Mail About George Takei Prank. 12/10/07. 6:20am
  Howard said he went back and recorded this voice mail that Artie left for him explaining the George Takei prank. He said that it was right after he did that whole thing telling George that he was coming out of the closet. George went home thinking that Artie was really gay.

  Howard played the message where Artie basically tells Howard that he feels guilty for doing what he did to the guy. He said that the bit went too good and he felt awful for doing it. Howard said he had already gotten a call from Gary about that so he knew what was going on already.

  Artie was telling Howard about how long the bit went on and how he had to stop George from talking to him because he was getting into really personal stuff. He said that he was so nice and cool about it that he felt really bad about it. They had to edit out some of the stuff that George was talking about because it was way too personal.

  Artie said that he wanted Howard to listen to the tape and see it before they play it on the air. Artie went on and on explaining exactly what he did to George in that room that day. He also apologized to Howard for bugging him with his voice mail. Howard said he was afraid that they were going to lose George on the show because they pranked him one too many times.

• Sal And Richard Step Over The Line Again. 12/10/07. 6:25am
  Howard said he had a problem with something that Sal and Richard did to George as well. They wrote some song parodies and had him singing them but they were just too much. He said that they shouldn't be grabbing him and asking him to do stuff like this because they should really get Gary's approval first. He said that they can't just grab the dude and start doing shit with him.

  Artie said that they were treating George like a Wack Packer. Howard said he had to talk to them off the air in a meeting because of this. He played some of the song parodies that they had George singing and one of them was George singing about ''Brad's Big Balls'' to the tune of ''Jingle Bells.'' Robin said that it's like George has to walk around avoiding land mines there.

  Howard said that they could have really ruined their relationship with George by doing this. He played another song parody where they had George singing ''I'm Dreaming of a White Penis'' which was funny, but Howard said it could have turned into a disaster if George was upset by the lyrics. He said that it sounded like George enjoyed singing them though.

  Howard played another one where George sang ''Artie The Cuddly Muffin'' to the tune of ''Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.'' Howard said that one wasn't so bad but they went on and on with this stuff. Gary said that they showed him one that George's boyfriend Brad wouldn't let him do. They did have some stuff that he wasn't going to do.

  Howard said that George is a part of the show and you can't just grab him and make him do this stuff. He said that he loves the guy on the show and now George is going to think that he sanctioned this whole thing. He said he really doesn't know everything that's going on there.

  Artie said he should call George and ask him what the hell he's doing by singing that song about him. He figures that would really freak George out.

  Howard said there was a new song about Robin that Sal sang. He played that one quickly. Sal sings about seeing ''Robin Kissing Jimmy's Balls'' even though they smelled like piss. Howard said he figures that Jimmy pisses on his balls a lot because they're so big. He said he does that too because he sits down to pee most of the time. He said that way he doesn't have to touch his penis when he pees. He said sometimes he has to dab it with tissue though because he does dribble a bit.

  Artie said that sometimes your penis is cleaner than the bathrooms you go into. He said that he remembers going to bathrooms in Washington Square Park and how bad they smelled down there. He said it was like a tomb with bodies decaying in them.

  Ralph said he thinks that Sal and Richard did good with those song parodies. Howard said they were funny but they can't grab him in the halls there like that. He didn't get upset about it but they can't risk it that way.

  Howard wanted Sal to come in and talk about the rejected songs that they had for George but he was taking a shit. Howard said that he and Ralph were singing the ''Mozzarella Balls'' song that Artie performed with his mom last year. He said he doesn't know the whole song, he just knows a couple of the lines that he kept singing over and over. Fred played the song a short time later. Artie said that Fred worked with his mother on that song over the phone so he deserved credit for that.

  Howard asked where Sal was so he could talk about this thing. Richard came in and told Howard there was a song about a glory hole that George turned down. He also said that George seems like such a part of the show that they just grabbed him and asked him to do the songs. Howard said he didn't want to make a mockery of this whole thing because he was really upset about them doing what they did.

  Sal came in after taking his shit to talk about the George Takei thing. Sal said that he had a prescription for Xanax that he hadn't filled yet but after the meeting he got it. He went on to say that George turned down ''Glory Hole'' to the tune of ''Jingle Bell Rock.'' The two of them sang some of those lyrics and talked about how George refused to do it after Brad told him not to do it.

  Howard played some of the songs that George did perform. They did change some of the lyrics for ''Brad's Big Balls.'' He said that after they changed the song George told them that they were ''Lyrical Doctors.'' They had just changed the word ''cock'' to ''dick.''

  Howard asked if they had any outtakes from the recording session. Sal said they do and they have him reading the original lyrics. Howard played another one of the songs he'd played earlier and did get a laugh out of them. He said that they were funny but they really shouldn't have used George before getting approval from Gary.

  Ralph said there's a station there that plays Christmas songs all the time and they should slip them in there. Howard said that would be funny and they could probably hack into it and play the songs. He said that would be wrong though because kids listen to that channel.

  Howard said he's got two maniacs working there. He said he told them to get Gary's approval from now on and not just grab the guy out in the hall and have him do that stuff. He said he couldn't not play this for Robin though. He said he told Gary he was going to talk to them off the air because he was livid over the whole thing. He said he talked to them about it and now he's played the songs on the air and makes fun of the whole thing. This is why he can't run a business. Howard said that he can imagine those two grabbing Mel Karmazin and having him sing songs.

• Celebrity Discussions. 12/10/07. 6:40am
  Howard said that Ralph called him and told him to tune into the Jets game over the weekend but they blew it and lost. He said he was watching this guy Tony Romo and said that guy is dating Jessica Simpson. He said that they shouldn't be mad at him for that, they should be upset for him banging all of the hot Playboy chicks. Artie said that David Spade used to be into getting famous chicks but there are so many hot chicks out there that he could have gotten. He said he told him to just throw a rock in the local Hooters and take any of them over famous chicks.

  Howard said that now they'll hear from David and he'll be upset about Artie revealing that. That led to the guys talking about this restaurant The Waverly in the city and how it's become a big celebrity gathering spot. Artie said he went there one time with Dana and saw Elvis Costello there. He said that Dana didn't know who he was though and he ended up singing one of his songs loud enough that Elvis heard it. He said he was singing ''Pump it up'' and had Elvis looking over at him.

  Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard if he's upset that he's never been able to interview Billy Joel on the show even though he's friendly with him. Howard said that they have hung out but they're not all that close. He said he's always uncomfortable asking his friends to do the show. He said that Billy was on the show one time and didn't really do an interview. He was on a birthday show and did a song from a remote location. He's never really been on the show.

  Howard said that Billy did call him last week to tell him about this song that he wrote and had another guy perform. They played that song, ''Christmas in Fallujah,'' and he got some great feedback about it so he called Howard about that. He said that's the extent of their relationship though.

  Howard said that he doesn't want to bother Billy and ask him to do the show. He's afraid that it wouldn't go well and he'd ruin that whole thing.

• More Sal And Richard With George Takei Audio Clips. 12/10/07. 6:50am
  Sal and Richard brought in some audio from their recording session with George Takei. In the clip they had George reading through the original lyrics that they had written for him. He had some trouble with some of them and they were really brutal. Howard said he didn't want to pat them on the back for doing this, he just wants them to clear it with him before they do this stuff.

  Sal said that they appreciate that they're still there and didn't get fired. He continued to play the clips of George trying to get the lyrics down. Sal was snickering through the clip hearing George trying to get them right. George was laughing during the whole thing though. Howard said that it's a good thing that George has a good sense of humor and was willing to put up with their nonsense.

  Howard said that this is like a mental institution there. He said it's ridiculous and he's not sure what he's going to do with these two. Richard said they'd be willing to let him spank them. Howard didn't want to do that though. He said he's not going to let them get away with this stuff and he's not going to make a joke out of it.

  Dominic Barbara called in and said that Howard can't be mad at these guys. Howard said that he has to get mad at them because they went too far. Richard said that the meeting they had was very serious and they were scared just waiting for him to start the meeting.

  Robin said that they are getting rewarded for their bad behavior right now and that's not a good thing. Sal said that they're really not. They know what's going on and they know that they did wrong. Howard said that he may have to fire them then. He was going to make Robin in charge of these two if that's what she wants. He said that she might end up firing them if they keep this up though. Robin said that there would be consequences.

  Sal said that he has one whiny bitch in his life, he doesn't need another one. That led to Howard asking how his marriage is going. Sal said that things are going good and he's not going to say anything else. He said it's as good as it's going to get at this point. Richard said he hasn't heard him complain lately so that's good.

  Sal said he wanted to get a hotel room in the city one time and his wife went off on him for inconveniencing her. He said that she went off on him complaining about that. Howard said that it sounds like she really doesn't want to be with him. Sal said that's not true.

  Howard said that Christine probably would have gone to the hotel if she was allowed to go with her emotional friend. Gary said that marriage is fucked up. He said that he was doing the dishes one time and his wife yelled at him for making too much noise. He said that she was sleeping at the time and she got upset with him for that.

  Artie went into his emotional friend voice and goofed on Sal a little bit. He was goofing on Sal telling him that he takes her to a hotel that's not nearly as nice as the one he wanted to stay at. He said the Best Western is really good. He also told him that he's not good at writing, he's good at fucking though. He said that his wife likes cabs and bus stations as well.

  Artie, as Emotional Friend, had Howard cracking up. He was goofing on Sal and even Sal was laughing his ass off at the goofing. Artie kept goofing on Sal for a few minutes. Sal said that even the coffee guy at the train station was goofing on him about the whole emotional friend thing. He said that as soon as she pulled away from dropping him off one day, the guy says ''Hey Christine, I'll see you in 10 minutes!'' He said that everyone was laughing at him there at the train station.

• Playboy Playmate Sandra Nilsson Visits. 12/10/07. 7:00am
  Howard said there's a chick there from Playboy who wants to give him a copy of a new book they have out. He said it's a cool looking book but he can't imagine putting it out on his coffee table. He said her name is Sandra Nilsson. Sal stuck around during the interview since he was already in there.

  Sal said that he and his wife were having sex last moth and he caught her rolling her eyes as she was giving him a hand job. He said that was really horrible.

  Sandra came in so Howard spent some time talking to her about her accent and how good looking she is. She said that she's in this month's issue of the magazine. Howard checked out her pictures and said that she doesn't show her vagina in the pictures. He then found a picture of her where they do show her vagina. He said that she was only 21 years old and she was really hot. She's only 21 years old though.

  Sal showed her the pictures of Artie in the magazine and she didn't know that he was sitting right there. She said he wasn't good looking. Artie said that was a really honest answer. It was brutal but honest.

  Howard asked Sandra about how young she started having sex. She said she was in high school. She refused to answer questions about if she likes girls or not. She said that she wanted that to be her secret. Howard kept trying to find out but she kept saying that she has secrets.

  Howard said he heard that she's going out to dinner with Markus Shankenberg tonight. She said that they're just friends. Howard said that he's going to end up banging her and he's really not that smart. He said that she should be going out with guys like him.

  Howard said that Sandra is in this new book ''Playboy: The Complete Centerfolds'' that she was in to promote. Howard gave her a plug for that and then went on to ask her about Sweden and what it's like over there. He was asking her if there are a lot of black guys over there and things like that. He also wondered if they hate the Jews over there. Sandra said she doesn't believe they do. She seemed confused by some of the questions.

  Howard asked Sandra if her breasts are real. She said that's another one of her secrets. Howard got back to the Sweden thing and asked about all of the crime over there. She talked about the high suicide rate over there because they get so little light during the winter.

  Howard asked Sandra if she's ever been raped or anything like that. She said no to that. She also told Howard about staying at the Playboy mansion and how she never saw Hef having sex. Howard had her swear on the life of Jesus Christ that she hadn't and she did do that. Sal jokingly said that she was an Atheist so that wasn't going to do anything.

  Howard talked about the book again and read that it weighed 47 pounds. They have every playboy centerfold from 1953 up to the current one. The book comes in a suitcase so Sandra presented Howard with an autographed copy. Mr. Hefner sent it to him with his autograph on it. Howard said that if Sandra went to some guy's apartment and saw the book she's probably be turned off. She aid that it's a very classy magazine so she wouldn't be upset at all. Howard read the autograph and said that Hef probably didn't sign it himself, he probably had someone else do it.

  Howard showed Artie this book ''Playboy: The Complete Centerfolds'' and then said he wanted to play a game with him. Artie knows the Playmates very well so Howard wanted to name some of them and see if Artie knew when they were in the magazine. Artie said that when you read the magazine, you realize that many of these girls never went on to do anything.

  Howard asked Sandra if she plans on meeting a rich guy and marrying him. She said it depends on his personality. Howard said she's young yet and she has time to figure out that the personality doesn't matter. Howard and Artie went through the book and brought up some of the more famous Playmates. Howard went to the 70s and picked out some names for Artie to figure out. He went to the 1980s since Artie figured he'd be best with 1985 to about 1992 or so.

  Howard went to 1992 and asked who miss January was. Artie didn't know. He said that he didn't think he'd be able to do what Howard thought he could. He doesn't know them all. Howard went to 1981 and said Karen Price. Artie had no idea. Howard said this wasn't worth waiting for. He gave up on the game and thanked Sandra for coming in.

  Sandra lives in New York which came as a surprise to Howard. He asked her how much she weighs. She said that she's about 125 pounds. Howard thought that was more than she actually was but he went with it anyway. He gave her some more plugs for the book and for her issue of Playboy that she's in.

  Howard wrapped up after that and mentioned some of the stuff they had coming up today. He went to commercial break a short time later.

• Lisa G's Howard 100 News Preview. 12/10/07. 7:30am
  After the break we heard a prank call that Sal and Richard made to a guy selling a bearing press, asking him about a bench press. Fred also played a George Takei song where he sings about the Stern Show. He played some White Zombie as they were coming back from break. Howard came back and said that they had Janice Dickinson coming in shortly. He figured they should get to her first before doing all of this other stuff.

  Howard said that maybe they should have Lisa G do her news preview first. She came in so Howard asked her about the cookie party. She said she had fun but it was very stressful. She said that they'll have some news on that during today's Howard 100 News preview. She said that Ivy Supersonic was there and she handcuffed herself to Jason toward the end of the evening. She said that she was also clinging to Benjy all night like she was in love.

  Lisa said that she thinks that Ross Zaipen bought his cookies but he ended up winning the contest that night for having the best cookies. Howard said that everyone was supposed to bake their own cookies and bring them. He said that if someone really did that, it's not cool. Robin said it would be like using steroids. Lisa said that they gave him a ribbon as a prize that night. Howard said that it's really not cool if he did buy them because people worked hard making their own.

  Howard said he's going to say something to Ross about that if that's true. He said he would never do something like that. Robin said that Ross never cooks and that's how she knew that he didn't make them himself. Howard said that's just not right and he's being serious. He said that you have to be honest all the time. JD came in and said that Ross' wife was saying that Ross made them but Ross was saying that his wife made them. Howard had to move on after that so he let everyone go.

• Model Janice Dickinson Visits. 12/10/07. 7:40am
  Howard had Janice Dickinson come in after that. He heard from Gary that she was shot out of a cannon this morning. She came in all worked up and talking about her titties. Howard asked her how old she is. She said that she's 53, the same age as Howard. She said that she looks better in a thong than Howard does though. Howard asked her to take off her stockings but she wasn't listening and told him to take off his panties.

  Howard said that she really looks good today and tried to find out how much she weighs. She said that she doesn't know because she doesn't weigh herself. She said that Howard is very lucky to have gotten Beth. She'd like to have her herself.

  Howard said he didn't think that her show would last more than one season but it's now in it's third season. Howard asked Janice about her botox and stuff like that. She had a face lift at some point so he asked her to move her eyebrows. She wasn't able to move anything on her face. She said that she can still squeeze her pussy though.

  Janice said that she has a boyfriend now and he's an architect and likes her for who she is. Robin how that happened. She said that she met him in the dentist office. Howard figured she was all coked up this morning but she said she's not. She said that Howard just turns her on. Howard asked Janice if she still does coke. She claims she doesn't. She said that Howard just turns her on.

  Howard asked Janice if she's smoking because when she laughed he could hear it in her lungs. She said that she was out in the jungle for weeks doing ''I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Outta Here'' so she started smoking there.

  Howard read an article about Janice's show where this guy talks about how unpleasant she is and how the show is hard to watch because of her. Howard said that Janice is a very annoying employer and she must be hard to work with. Gary said he saw her put her hand up and tell one of her employees to shut up because she was busy talking.

  Howard read that Janice is back to drinking in an article. She said that she did slip and she did have a couple glasses of champagne. Howard wanted to see something of her like her nipples so he asked her to show him something, even if it was just a nipple. She refused. Howard gave up quickly on trying to see any of that 53 year old nip.

  Howard said that Janice must be so much fun in bed when she's just a little lit. He asked her what she does to a man that's so great. He said that maybe she just lays there. She said that his hair would stand up on end if she did him. She said that she would probably lick everything on him. She said that he'd have to be completely smooth down below though.

  Howard read that Janice tried to get a date with Paul McCartney. Janice wasn't sure how he found out about that. Howard said that he called him and told him about it. She was very upset about that but Howard was just joking around. He didn't hear from him about her.

  Janice talked about messing around with Kelly LeBrock years ago when she told her to leave Ron Wood when she was with him. She said that all models are lesbians at some point in their career. She said that she was afraid that she was going to say something that was going to get her in trouble but then said that Howard's show is the only one where she can talk about this stuff.

  Howard read that Janice had once had sex while dressed in a nun's outfit. She said that some radio guys there in New York read that in her book and tried to do it in St. Patrick's Cathedral and the people needed up getting arrested. Howard said they also got kicked off the air.

  Howard gave Janice some plugs for her show which airs on the Oxygen network. He also took some phone calls and asked Janice to model for him. She did a little bit of modeling and both Howard and Robin said that she's not jiggling at all.

  Howard read that Janice was going to get some surgery done but she backed out when she heard about Kanye West's mother died during surgery. She said that she was going to go in for vaginal reconstruction even though she had no idea what they do to reconstruct it. She said they apparently make it tighter but she's not sure how. Howard said that he'd like to find out if it's tight by sticking his penis in there. There shouldn't be anything wrong with that.

  Jessica Hahn called in and said that Janice is great. The two of them talked for a few seconds but Howard got bored with their conversation so he hung up on Jessica. He moved on to talk about Janice dating Sylvester Stallone. They spent a couple of minutes on that and Sylvester apparently thought that living with her was like living with the devil. She sounded surprised about that comment.

  Howard asked Janice about Sylvester leaving his girlfriend at the time he started seeing Janice. She said that she felt bad for his girlfriend because she wouldn't want to be dumped the way he dumped her. She said that she probably helped that relationship though because Sylvester ended up marrying Jennifer.

  Janice asked Howard why he has to read all of this stuff from his notes instead of just talking to her like a normal human being. Howard wrapped up with her a short time later. Janice corrected Howard saying that her show is moving to the Bravo network from Oxygen. Howard asked her if she's making any money. She said that she's not making that much on that. She said she's still available to do other things and she'd like to do radio or something like that.

  Howard wrapped up with Janice and gave her some more plugs. She asked if she could stay longer if she stripped down. Howard said that she could but she didn't strip down. She threw in a mention for everyone to donate to an AIDS charity. She also claimed that she was a Jew but that led to a conversation where she revealed that she just calls herself a Jew, she was born Catholic. Howard got confused when Janice was explaining the whole Oxygen / Bravo / NBC thing. She said that the show is still on Oxygen but it was bought out by Bravo so it was actually Bravo / NBC. Howard said he had to put a bullet in his head after hearing that. He went to break a short time later.

• Shuli Vs. Double A Audio Clips. 12/10/07. 8:10am
  After the break Howard said that Bubba The Love Sponge will be stopping by later on this morning. He went on to say that Richard Christy's Howard TV show was the number 1 most viewed show of the week last week. Howard said he knew that was going to happen. As gay as they get on the show, that stuff gets the most viewing. He said that the guy who licked that porn star's feet was also high up on that list of most watched. Lisa G's show was another one and so was Leticia Cline's show. Miss Howard Stern's reality show was number 5 on that list.

  Howard said that Janice is really tough to work with on the show. He said he was drained after that interview. Howard asked Artie if he got her phone number. Artie said ''Uh, no!''

  Howard had some stuff to get to before Bubba came in. He had some audio of Scott the Engineer doing his stand-up act. He said he also had some audio of Shuli and Double A yelling at each other on the phone during an interview. Artie wanted to hear the Scott thing first but Robin wanted to hear the Shuli and Double A thing.

  Howard was going to do the Shuli thing first. Gary gave a set up and said that Double A was offered a job there at Howard 100 News for a day and they claim that he never called back. Shuli called Double A to do a follow up interview.

  Shuli was joking around with Double A and cracked a joke about them not getting a message. Double A went off on Shuli about his news reports and then Double A shot back at him again and the two of them started yelling at each other. Double A didn't want him cutting the interview to make him look like an asshole. Shuli said he was going to cut it to make him look like him.

  Double A said that Shuli might be in his plans for the near future and threatened him. Shuli told him to keep threatening him and called him a midget. Howard said it didn't end there, they kept going. He said it keeps going on forever. Robin said it sounded ridiculous and she wanted to pull the plug on the clips because they were being so lame in their arguments.

  Howard played another clip where Double A was trying to explain what he was trying to say to him in the other call. Shuli said that he didn't like him insulting his work. The two of them went at each other again for a couple of minutes. Double A said that's not the way they roll and they never do that kind of shit to each other and don't try to make each other look like assholes. Shuli went off on Double A for telling him how to do his job. He said that he's trying to make his stories funny so that's why he edits them the way he does.

  Howard said that Shuli is kind of out of line in that whole thing. He said that he's coming on kind of strong there. He said that he's not supposed to antagonize him that way. Shuli came in and said that Double A came in and cried about not having a job there and then they call him and offer him a job and he doesn't get a call back. He said that he lied about leaving him a message and it's bullshit. He said he got tired of his bullshit and lies so he called him out on that stuff.

  Howard played more of the audio from their argument and Double A apologizes for what he did and then waits for Shuli to do the same. Shuli apologized for calling him a midget. Then Double A tells him not to put that in his news report, telling him how to do his job again.

  Shuli said that he can't give Double A a pass on this whole thing because he was given a chance to work there for a day and he lied about them not getting back to him.

  Howard played more of the Shuli and Double A clip where Shuli was bashing him saying that he wasn't part of his family, they're just acquaintances. Howard said that for Shuli's next story, he's going to throw Eric the Midget down the stairs.

• Scott The Engineer's Comedy Show Debut. 12/10/07. 8:25am
  Howard said that Scott the Engineer recently asked to go out on tour with the comedians who are out doing Stand-Up. He managed to work his way into Artie's show out in Cleveland this past weekend. Artie said that he did his time on stage out there and they had Scott come up and do his thing at the end of the show. Artie said he thinks that it went great because the audience loved hating him.

  Scott said that this was very nerve wracking for him and it was very tough for him to do this. Scott said that the crowd was brutal there because they were booing everyone who went out on stage. Artie said that they were brutal out there and they almost booed some people off stage.

  Howard played some audio where Artie introduces Scott to the crowd out there. They booed him as soon as he said they were going to have a special treat for them. Richard got booed off the stage so Howard interrupted and played that since Artie had brought it up. Richard was getting booed for everything he was doing, even when he held up his beer he got booed.

  Fred interrupted and asked if this was the start of his act. Artie told him it was the middle of it so he had already done some of his jokes. Richard told Howard that he actually cut out the jokes from the audio because he didn't want his act coming out on the air. He was just playing the parts where he was getting booed.

  Howard moved on to play the audio of Scott coming out on stage. Artie introduces him to the crowd and tells them what they're going to do, and gets booed. Scott gets booed as he's coming out after that. Howard said he was exhausted just hearing Artie's explanation of what they were going to be doing.

  Howard took some phone calls and one guy said he didn't expect Scott's thing to go any other way but that crowd was brutal out there. He said that Jim Florentine ended his act with ''Thanks for coming, fuck off!''

  Howard got back to the Scott clips and Scott tells a story about being asked to take a picture of Artie. He said that he wanted to say ''fuck him, what am I a photographer?'' Scott then goes on to talk about The Losers band which was named after him. He said that he got kicked out of the band and didn't get a response from the crowd. Fred was laughing as he heard him bombing.

  Scott said that the guys told him to make some Cleveland references if they weren't responding to him. He did that but didn't get a response to that either. There was one point when he told a joke and waited for the laughs, but didn't get anything from them.

  JD said that Scott wrote down his whole act and he had things like ''fuck with the mic'' in there and pauses for laughs and stuff like that. He said it was pretty funny.

  Howard played more of Scott's act where he's doing his Baba Booey impression. He also joked about Bob Levy's ass eating bit and about Howard's divorce. It was all bombing. Scott did get a reaction when he asked the crowd how he was doing. They booed him.

  Howard took a call from a woman who said that they were all great but the crowd was really bad. She said that they were funny but it was hard to hear them because of the booing. Howard wondered why anyone would go and boo the whole time after paying to get into an event like that.

  Howard played more of Scott's act where he made the mistake of talking to the audience. That made things even worse. The crowd was yelling at him to do push-ups and stuff like that. Then Scott brings up something that happened on the show where he was going to get fucked in the ass by Lexington Steel. The crowed booed him. Howard told Scott to just stay home from now on. Scott said he doesn't want to do this ever again.

  Artie said he knew that he was going to go through this stuff. He knew that they were going to be brutal with him and he would suggest that he not do it again. He wanted Scott to get it out of his system though. That's exactly what he did.

  Howard said that there's a part of Scott that lives in side of him that dreamt that he would be great. He said that somewhere in that demented head of his, he thought that this was going to be ''it'' and he was going to be able to win the crowd over. Scott said that he was more worried about remembering the material he had for this.

  Howard played more of Scott's act where he's talking to the audience about the push-up challenge and how he can't do push-ups.

  Artie said that Mel Karmazin's son was out there at this show and this is after Scott had said something about Mel that kind of upset him years ago. It was just that black cloud of Scott's following him again. Of all shows for Mel's son to come to, it was the one where Scott flopped.

  Howard got back to Scott's act and played some more of that. Scott had a couple of lines that were kind of funny but the crowd wasn't reacting to them, other than booing him. Howard joked that one of the voices yelling in the background was Craig Karmazin.

  Howard said that Mel loves that son so much and he can imagine the conversation after that show. He said that he'd probably tell his dad to fire Scott.

  Ralph called in and asked how much Scott got paid to do that show. Scott said Levy offered him $500 and Artie took care of him and gave him a little more than that. Scott said it was actually $2,500. Richard said that was more than he got. Artie said that was plus expenses too.

  Dominic Barbara called in and said that what Scott should do is let the audience throw stuff at him. Tomatoes and fruit. Howard said that would be kind of funny. He said that they could do that at another show. Howard said that they should take him out one more time and do that. Dominic said that he'd be the most popular person there. He said that it would be like Gallagher in reverse. Howard said he'd go to see that.

  Howard played more of Scott's awful act after that. He was trying to get the audience back but it just wasn't happening. Everyone was yelling and booing over him. Then Artie came out to rescue him so the crowd starts chanting his name. He tells them that they were going to play every second of this on Monday morning. He was right about that. Scott then asks if it's really that bad and the crowd cheers.

  Howard said he thought it was funny that Scott wanted to do the question and answer thing after that awful act. Artie came out and asked if anyone had questions for him. A guy comes up and asks Artie a question instead. Howard said that Artie really needs to go out with professional comedians who can hold a crowd. He can't go out with these guys who can't keep them under control. The guy in the audience asked Artie which broad he was going to be fucking that night. Artie said that there were a couple of smoking hot chicks that were hanging out there, that's what the guy was talking about.

  Gary said that JD and Richard flew out to Cleveland together. He said that there was a guy with a weird beard on the plane with them and when they get off he goes over and starts playing with his beard and then the guy shows him his hip replacement scar and Richard starts to lick it. Howard TV had that all recorded so they showed it to Howard and the guys. Doug Goodstein was the one who suggested that he lick it. Richard said that he just wanted to please Doug so that's why he did it. Artie said that's why he thinks that Richard is retarded, he just wants to please everyone.

  JD said that Richard was trying to feel their balls in the limo ride to the hotel. Richard said he was just fooling around and Jim Florentine likes fooling around like that so he didn't mind it.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that he wasn't able to find one of these Stiletto 2 units out there. Howard said that a lot of people really like that new radio. Howard also mentioned that they've been pushing his History of Howard Stern special that starts airing next Monday.

  Howard played more of Artie and Scott's question and answer thing. Artie talked about how he wanted to fuck both of the girls that were standing there on the side of the stage. Then another guy comes up and asks Scott about his weight loss. Scott explained what was going on there but Howard told him that he didn't need to try and be funny there. Another guy comes up and tells Scott that he sucks and he's an asshole. Then he asks him how he feels about sucking up on stage. Scott then goes off on the whole crowd saying that they're all a bunch of assholes.

  Howard asked if Bubba was there yet. Robin said he was and Howard wondered why no one told him. Gary said he thought he heard Howard say that he was there. Howard said he was killing time waiting for him to find out he was there so he could bring him in. He apologized to Bubba for that. He said he had to take a break before he brought him in. He said he doesn't get why they didn't tell him Bubba was there. He said he would have brought him in 30 minutes ago if he knew. He went to break a short time later.

• Bubba The Love Sponge Signs For Another Year On Howard 101. 12/10/07. 9:10am
  After the break we heard a prank call that Ham Hands Bill made to a flower shop. Fred played some Van Halen as they were coming back. Howard said that he likes this Senator Schumer guy. He said there's a new device out that can help prevent near misses. He said that Laguardia is supposed to get one in about a year and for some reason New York is at the bottom of the list for this thing. He said that Schumer is trying to get it sooner.

  Howard had Gary bring in Bubba the Love Sponge because he had to apologize to him for not getting him in there sooner. Bubba came in and said he was fine. They were playing his rap song as he came in and Howard had to ask why he wrote the line ''a bitch ain't nothin' but a dirty bitch.'' Bubba said that's ghetto.

  Howard said that Bubba was calling him all weekend. Bubba said that he had to take a Xanax before he called him. Howard said that his grammar isn't all that great and he did screw up a few times during his conversation. Bubba said that he thinks that a lot of middle America relates to that though and that's why they like his show.

  Howard said that a guy came up to him at the Knick game the other night and told him to let Bubba know that he's got the best show.

  Bubba told Howard about working on a station down in Jacksonville years ago and how a lot of people thought he was black because of the voice he was doing. He said they invited him down to do a song for them one night and everyone started to boo him when they saw that he was white. He said he ended up doing one line of his song and ran off.

  Howard asked Bubba what's going on with his weight because he's getting big. Bubba said he hasn't put on any weight since he was last there. Howard had him stand up and show off his fatness. Bubba said he's 40 pounds more than he was when he first started there. He said he didn't lose weight for his wedding either. He said he was down to 250 when he visited them at K-Rock. He said that he was working out back then with Hulk Hogan. He said that he's gone now and living in L.A.

  Howard asked Bubba what's going on with Hulk and his wife. Bubba said he can't talk about that because he's going to be deposed about the whole thing. He said that he's also going to be part of the case against their son who was in a car accident last year.

  Bubba said that he's about 295 or 300 pounds but he's not going to get on the scale. He said there's no way that's happening. Howard said that he wants him on there but Bubba really didn't want to do it. Bubba said that he can't make him do it either. He said that if he was without a deal there, he might be kissing Howard's ass and getting on the scale.

  Howard played some audio of Bubba doing his show and sounding like a black man. Bubba wondered why he comes there. He said he could be in his own little world in Tampa and not getting goofed on. Howard wondered who he was fooling down there making people think he was black. He was putting on a voice and saying ''wif'' instead of ''with'' but it was obvious that he was white.

  Howard goofed on Bubba about the clips he was playing and Bubba called him a fuckin' asshole for doing that to him. Howard goofed on him for a few minutes about that.

  Howard said that Bubba had a big announcement to make today. They got sidetracked when Bubba talked about the way Artie flipped out on Sal and Richard and gave them the rundown of the pecking order there. He said he loved it.

  Howard asked Bubba what this big announcement was. Bubba thought that he was going to say it. Bubba has a few things going on and he only wanted Howard to announce what's going on ''here.'' Howard said that Bubba has been trying to work out a deal there but he's there to announce he's having a sex change operation. He was kidding of course. He said he's going to become Bubbett the Love Spongess.

  Howard said he was talking to Bubba over the weekend. Bubba apologized for that and said he really didn't want to call him. Howard said that they were close to a deal on Friday but somehow things fell apart. He said that things all fell apart and Bubba called him to let him know. Howard said that he was upset about that and they were both kissing each other's asses about working with each other.

  Howard said that Bubba told him that things went really bad and they were all ready to sign. Howard said that Bubba has been putting in his time there and he's been entertaining the audience for 2 years now. He said the problem was that the fans weren't accepting of him in the beginning but now they love him. They did some research and found that their two shows are the two biggest draws there.

  Howard said that Bubba told him why things didn't go well and that made him sad. He called his agent and Tim and tried to find out what was going on. Then last night he got a call from Tim saying that things were going to get worked out. Now they're saying that Bubba will stay there for one more year. Bubba said that he'd like to be there longer than that. He said that they would only do one more year though.

  Bubba apologized to everyone involved. They've settled on most of this stuff but just for the one year. He said that he came back mostly for Howard and for the fans. He said that he's never seen anything like what he's seen with the forum he has there on SIRIUS. Bubba said he thinks that once the merger is worked out, they'll figure out this contract and he'd like to be on for the rest of the time that Howard is there. He'd like to sync up with his contract.

  Bubba said that if it weren't for Howard and his guys, things wouldn't have worked out. Bubba said that he would have considered Howard his great friends even if he had left. He said that he would never do that to them even if he was competing against them in the mornings.

  Bubba mentioned that he sent her first check to the North Shore Animal League and they were going to send a copy of her calendar to Howard too but he was afraid of upsetting Beth. Howard said she would have been fine.

  Howard said there's more to Bubba's announcement but he didn't want to talk about that today. Bubba said that they'll make the announcement tomorrow. He said he doesn't want to upset anyone and they don't want him to announce it today. Howard said that he'd like to talk about that because he'd like to talk to Bubba about it. The rumor is that he's going to be somewhere else as well as there. Howard said he has to make money somehow.

  Bubba complained that Artie never calls his show and he'd like them to. He said he'd like to hear from Fred and even Benjy sometimes. Howard said that he was very happy that Bubba was going to be around for at least another year. He told him to give the rest of his crew his best.

  Bubba said that they're going to be out in Phoenix this Friday. They're running their Bubbapalooza thing out there. He said that he just introduces the comics there. They have Ned as a headliner and the rest of the crew will be doing stuff as well. They're close to selling out an 1800 seat room.

  Howard asked Bubba if he wants Scott the Engineer for that show. Bubba said that he'll pass on him and the only person he'd want from Howard's show is Artie. Artie said that he likes when they go over that kind of stuff on Bubba's show. He said it's great the way they go over that stuff. Bubba said that he's going to be appearing at The Joint out in Vegas too.

  Howard said that Bubba has been doing a great job there and this was very good news for the fans. Howard said that they should show their appreciation for Bubba there because he's done a great job over the past couple of years. Bubba said he was so sorry for bothering Howard, he hates calling him. He said that he had to ask Brent what he should and shouldn't talk to him about. Howard said that Bubba was very organized when he called him. Bubba said that he actually has bullet points written down on a piece of paper so he knows what to talk about.

  Howard thought that Bubba was about to cry but Bubba said he wasn't. He said he did kind of cry when everyone came down to his wedding down in Florida last year. Howard said that he might have to have Bubba to his wedding. He said that they never go to anyone's wedding so that was a big deal for him.

  Howard took some phone calls and the fans were saying that they're glad that they're keeping Bubba around. Scott Ferrall's deal is up in March so Bubba said he's hoping that they keep him around too. One caller said that this was the best news of the day.

  Howard said that this whole thing was silly and he did kind of flip out on the guys there. He said he told them that if Bubba (and Scott Ferrall and everyone else) wasn't going to be there, there was no reason to have the second channel. He said that they could just have the one channel there if that's the way they're going to do things there. He said that they need guys who are professional and can entertain the audience. He said that there aren't many guys out there like that on terrestrial radio.

  Howard brought up Imus and some other guys out there who aren't bringing in any audience and still making good money. He doesn't know how much they're making but it's got to be more than what Bubba is making. He said that if Bubba was gone, he'd want to get rid of Howard 101. He said that it's fortunate that they worked things out.

  Bubba said that this wasn't about money, they had some situations to work out and that's what they did. He said that he's not making one dollar more than he was.

• Eric The Midget Plagiarist Parody Writer Calls In. 12/10/07. 9:45am
  Howard took a call from Eric the Midget who was upset that he had been on hold for so long. He was pissed that he was on hold during the show which was pretty much a snooze fest. They had him on his webcam and said that he looked like he was going bald. Eric said that he's not though. Artie told him that on top of being an asshole, he's an ugly motherfucker too.

  Howard said that he'd talk to Eric tomorrow unless he had something he could quickly go over. Eric was upset that Howard thought he was plagiarizing Charlie's Angels with his movie. He said that Son of the Beach was the same thing but with Baywatch. Robin told him that it was a parody when they did Son of the Beach. What Eric was writing was something very much like the regular Charlie's Angels stuff.

  Howard asked Eric if he's still in that SmackyShack thing on Stickam.com. Eric said that he's done with them, they're a bunch of assholes over there. He's on JFSC.tv this morning. Howard had to let Eric go after that. Eric told everyone to watch RAW on USA network tonight. He's not going to be on it or anything. Artie told him that they're not going to do that and said ''Bye!'' trying to get Howard to hang up on the guy.

• Bubba's Towel Wiping Routine Opens Artie's Eyes. 12/10/07. 9:50am
  Bubba wanted to know more about Robin dating Jim Florentine but she wasn't into giving details to him. Bubba and Howard both tried to get some info out of her. She brought someone else to the cookie party on Saturday night. Robin said that's just a friend of hers. She said that she went out dancing after that party. She said that they were all dancing because it was so crowded there. She said that she had some shots of tequila there but she wasn't doing anything with the guy who she was hanging out with.

  Bubba asked Robin if she's two timing Jim with that guy. Robin said that she loves this guy but she's not two timing anyone. She said that she hadn't even kissed Jim yet but then said that maybe she French kissed him. Robin told Bubba to shut up and take his one year deal and go away. She was laughing through that.

  Howard heard that Bubba was so fat at one point that he had to wipe with a towel. Bubba said that it was his girlfriend who would wipe him. He was at 488 pounds. He said that he used to poop and he'd have to take a bath if he was by himself. Artie asked him if he ever thought about suicide at that point. Bubba said he did but he was able to get chicks because he was on the radio.

  Howard wondered why Bubba didn't marry that chick after she wiped him. Bubba said he actually ended up cheating on that chick. He said that he was so fat that he wasn't able to reach back there. He said that he's able to reach now because he's lost so much weight. He said that his wife would towel him back there if he got that fat again though.

  Howard said that if he gets that fat he may have to get that Holly chick back again. Bubba said that she hates him now and she would never come back to him. He said that he came home to a moved out apartment when she found out that he had cheated on her.

  Artie said that this is really opening his eyes. He said that he could never deal with what Bubba was talking about. He said that he could never have a woman wipe his ass for him like that. He thanked Bubba for that and then asked him for Holly's number.

  Bubba said that he was working for this station years ago when Howard was going to do his Debella funeral in Philly. He said that they sent him down there in this Q102 radio van and they had him trying to ask questions down there. He said that he was so scared of Howard that he refused to ask him questions that day.

  Shuli came in and said that they broke the news to Jim Florentine last night on Miserable Men that Robin was at the cookie party with another man. He said that Jim seemed a little upset about that. That led to Fred doing his Jim impression a little bit. Bubba was asking Robin if she gets wet when she kisses him or anything like that. Howard wrapped up with Bubba a short time later. Bubba asked them to call in once in a while. Howard said that they'd do that, they just got a little lazy. They went to break a short time later.

• Howard 100 News And Wrap Up Show Previews. 12/10/07. 10:05am
  After the break we heard a prank call that Sal and Richard made to a music store about a harmonica that their son had swallowed. Howard came back and had Steve Langford come in with his Howard 100 News preview. He said they'll talk about Bubba's big announcement. They'll also have a story about Lisa Lampanelli being nominated for a Grammy Award. They also have a story about King Norris playing a concert over the weekend and talking to some fans there. They also have a story about Shuli and Double A's fight. The History of Howard Stern is starting next week so he mentioned that and how Jackie had walked off the show 16 years ago this week.

  Howard had Jon Hein give his Wrap Up Show preview. They'll be talking about Scott the Engineer's comedy debut. He said they'll also talk about Sandra Nilsson's visit today and where someone is supposed to put that Playboy book that she brought in. They'll also be talking about Bubba the Love Sponge signing on for another year. That led to Artie talking about the towel wiping thing and how he will never get that fat. They'll also talk about Janice Dickinson and other things that happened on the show today.

• And Finally... 12/10/07. 10:15am
  Howard had Robin start her news after Fred played one of her opening theme songs. Howard was trying to play the Sal song parody that he played earlier in the morning but had some trouble with his computer. He eventually got it to work. Robin got into her news after that and played some clips of Oprah Winfrey holding a rally for Barack Obama. Artie said that he thinks that these celebrities lose more people than they get. Howard listened to some of the clips and said that she's really annoying. They played some edited clips of Oprah that Richard had put together. They had her talking about sexual stuff thanks to the editing. Robin had a bunch of clips of Oprah and Barack Obama speaking at this rally. Howard said that it seems to be tough to get to know any politician at these rallies.

  Robin read through some news about some other stuff. Howard mentioned that he saw the movie Transformers recently and it was really good. Artie did an impression of a guy in ''the Usual Suspects'' but Howard didn't seem to care about that, he kept talking about the Transformers thing. Artie mentioned that he saw the Halloween remake that Rob Zombie did and it was really good. He said he fuckin loved it.

  Howard kept pushing the Transformers thing and said that the chick in the movie is the hottest chick he's ever seen. Artie said that he knows who that chick is and he's right, she's smokin. He said that he was on a plane one time and saw the chick in the movie that he wasn't watching, and he and this other dude had to look at the screen. He said that he had never seen her before in his life and he was shocked when he saw her. Howard said that her name is Megan Fox.

  Artie said that this movie ''Superbad'' was really good too. Howard read that Brian Austin Green is dating this Megan Fox chick. Artie heard that and said that he's going to leave show business if that's true. They spent a couple more minutes talking about how hot she is. Fred said that she's got some nasty tattoos on her though so maybe Howard wouldn't like them. She's got Brian tattooed on her somewhere. She's only 21 years old too.

  Robin said that she saw Ivy Supersonic and all of the tattoos she's got. She said it's no wonder Benjy wants her to get rid of them. Howard said they found a doctor who will do the removal but he wants to make Benjy do something for the chance to have him do it.

  The guys showed some pictures of Megan to the guys and then had Robin get back to her news. She read a story about how New Jersey is thinking of passing a law that would require pre-schoolers to have flu vaccines. Howard said that he would never do something like that to his kids. Robin said that they want to force kids to get all kinds of vaccines like that before going to school. They spent a few minutes on that subject.

  Robin read a story about the thing that Howard was talking about earlier in the morning that would help prevent close calls with airplanes at airports. The New York area airports are last on the list for this new type of radar even though they're the busiest in the country.

  Howard mentioned Transformers a couple more times during the news whenever he got the chance. He really seemed to like the movie. He said he was looking forward to this movie ''I Am Legend'' that's coming out soon as well. Robin had some news about that and played some audio of Will Smith talking about the movie. Robin worked with him on Fresh Prince of Bel-Air once so Howard asked her if he was okay to work with. She said that he was fine.

  Robin read a story about the Writer's Guild Strike and how some people are giving up on TV now that the writers are on strike. Howard said that people will never give up TV, they've got nothing better to do and they'll always watch. He said there are too many good shows on.

  Robin wrapped up her news after doing a quick report about the new Alvin and the Chipmunks movie. Howard ended the show around 10:50am.

• Beth O Caught With 4 Copies Of NY Post. 12/11/07. 6:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: Chyna Doll performing ''Holiday'' live in Howard's K-Rock studio, Christmas belching song performed live in Howard's K-Rock studio.

  Howard started off the show saying that he just heard from Beth that they have a picture of her in Page Six walking down the street with four copies of the paper for everyone that was in the picture of them from over the weekend. She was kind of upset about that. Howard said that the paparazzi stand outside their building waiting for Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck since they live in their building now. He said that they get him when he walks out of the building as well.

  Howard said that the press camps out waiting for Ben and Jennifer and they get anything that they can even if they just go to a hardware store. Robin said that they do stuff like that to show that they're ''normal'' so everyone knows that they're doing the same kind of the things that everyone else does.

  Howard said that he thought it was kind of funny that they caught Beth with the paper in her bad. He's not sure why the press is still covering Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner though. It's unbelievable to see the media storm that happens with people like that. He said that the press camp out in groups of like 20 and they push each other around to get pictures.

  Howard said that Ben and Jennifer are in town because Jen is doing a play or something. He hears all of the stuff that they're doing from the doormen. They know their every move. He said it's like they brought down a plague on his block in the city. He said he now knows why the co-op boards block famous people from getting into their buildings.

  Howard said the photographers get bored and when they see him and Beth come out, they have something to do. He said that they yell at them like they're denying them a living or something when he comes out. If he's looking his shittiest, he doesn't want his picture taken. Robin told him that he did the worst thing by creating the Howard 100 News there at SIRIUS. Howard said that was a mistake and he'd like to get rid of them but he finds it all amusing at points.

  Robin said that she heard them running a promo for fans to let them know if they see her out on a date with Jim Florentine. She said that was just crazy.

• Lisa G's Cookie Party Show Clips. 12/11/07. 6:05am
  Robin mentioned Lisa G's cookie party so Howard played some clips from the show they ran on Saturday night. Benjy and Ivy Supersonic were there so Howard played some clips of Jason and Lisa G interviewing them. It was so noisy there that they could barely hear anything in there. There was some annoying music playing so Howard asked what that was about. Gary said they were playing that when people would come into the party and it would play a little too long.

  Benjy and Ivy were asked what they were wearing and Lisa pointed out the handcuffs that Ivy had on. She was wearing them like bracelets. Ivy started to explain why she was wearing them. Howard said that Benjy is a better man than he is. He said that she goes on and on when she's asked a question. Benjy said that he enjoys that and they have some good conversations.

  Howard said that someone was saying that Benjy is lucky to be getting Ivy. Sal came in and said that Ivy sends him text messages all day long. He read one where she said that she wants Benjy to get hair plugs and she knows a guy who can do it for him. She wanted to get Artie and Richard involved with it. He wasn't sure why she was telling him that though. He said he's got his own problems to deal with. Sal said he's known her for years and he kept getting messages from her to get her tickets to see Dice Clay and things like that.

  Benjy said that Sal didn't come through for her. Sal told Benjy that he hopes that pussy is worth it because she's a pain in the ass. Howard asked if she's still got a clothing line. Benjy said that she's still doing that. Howard asked if she's got a lot of famous friends. He said that they went to a billionaire's party the other day and that was cool. He said she also had a friend come over to pick up an old bed and he was into Palladians (aliens) and stuff like that. No one knew what Benjy was talking about.

  Howard said that Benjy was hard enough to deal with on the air and now he's going to start acting like Ivy and it'll make things even worse. He asked him what he thinks about her wanting to change him so much. Benjy said he wants to change her too so they're both doing that. Benjy said that she wants to get his teeth fixed and Howard told him that his teeth are fine so he's not sure what that's all about. He said that his teeth are the least of his problems. He said that he weighs 300 pounds. Fred said that it's like putting a pink bow on a pig.

  Howard said that Ivy is an artist so she must be trying to improve things. That's what Benjy was trying to say about all of these changes that she's trying to make.

  Howard asked if there was anything worth listening to from the cookie party. JD was the one who pulled clips and said there really wasn't anything that great in there. Howard looked through the clips and found one where they had Lisa's annoying friend come over to say a few words. She put Q-Tips in her chocolate chip cookies to keep people's fingers from getting messy. Her voice was a little annoying so Howard cut that off.

  Howard and the guys spent a few minutes talking about the cookie party and some of the people that Lisa had invited to it. She had invited Alec Baldwin because Ralph Howard from Howard 100 News knows him through his wife. Alec didn't show up though.

• Racist Or Not Racist. 12/11/07. 6:20am
  Howard said that the owner of the team that Michael Vick plays for, the Falcons, said something kind of odd. He played a clip of the guy saying that Vick could come back and saying that he could never come back could be wrong. He said that if he eats a lot of fried chicken and fries that he may not be able to come back. Howard thought it sounded a little racist but Robin didn't think it was. He said that it was just him saying that it was an inappropriate diet. Howard said that if he had said fried chicken and watermelon then maybe it would be racist.

  Howard said that he's black himself and he's offended by that comment. He said that he has black friends who don't eat fried chicken.

  Robin said she heard a quote from a guy who was up for parole for killing some police officer and they were saying that ''these are evil subhumans'' when they were talking about this black guy. She said that kind of came across racist to her.

• Creepy Oprah Rally For Barack Obama Discussed. 12/11/07. 6:25am
  Howard said that Robin played some clips from the Oprah Winfrey rally for Barack Obama and then read some stuff about that yesterday. He said that some guy was saying that when Oprah brings some guy out she paints him to be ''the one'' that's going to be their savoir. Howard said that he agrees with him on that because she really does make it seem like he is some kind of savior. Robin said that you really don't learn anything about the guy in a rally like that, it's just a pep rally for someone that she's supporting.

  Howard said that this guy's name was Rich Lowry and he hit it right on the head with this article he wrote. He said that he'd like to learn more about this Obama guy but he can't get to know him with these rallies like Oprah is throwing.

  Howard said that he read that Oprah's ratings are down by 20 percent and she's trying to get them back up. He read some more stuff from this article about the rally and she was saying some very bizarre things. He said that she's like the Oracle from The Matrix with some of the things she says. He goofed on her about that for a short time.

  Howard said that they've gone through this kind of thing with the Kennedy's back in the 60s. Now Oprah is trying to get this going with Barack Obama. Howard said that there's something real disturbing about this whole thing.

• Howard And Beth's Relationship Discussed. 12/11/07. 6:30am
  Howard said he was going to take some phone calls after that. He said that they have a bunch of people coming in today as well. The first caller wanted to know if any girls have ever fought over him. There was an article about Steven Tyler having a couple of chicks arguing over him. Howard said he started to read that but he got bored and didn't finish it.

  Howard said that he thinks that he and Beth don't look like an odd couple. The caller made a sound like he didn't believe that. Howard said that he doesn't get that jarring feeling when he sees himself in a picture with Beth. Robin said that's because he's used to it. Howard said that Robin is the one who's supposed to be telling him when he looks too old for her. He said that she's getting up there in age, she's 35, so she should be hitting the wall soon. Artie muttered that she should be thrilled to hear that.

  The caller asked if Howard and Beth ever go to bed mad at each other. Howard said they really don't, but he will ask her not to talk about something that upsets him before he goes to bed. He has to do that to keep from staying up all night with something bothering him.

  Howard said that he once locked himself in a bathroom after Beth got a massage from a dude at a hotel they were staying in. He refused to talk to her or let her in but she eventually convinced him to let her in. He said that he's really not a fighter and he can't do that in his personal life. He lets everything out on the air though. He said that he'll be fine with something off the air but then he'll get on the air and try to hurt the people he loves. He said he's making real progress with his psychiatrist.

  Howard said he asked his shrink yesterday when he's going to be better and if he'll ever get out of therapy. He said that the guy implies that he's going to be in therapy for the rest of his life.

• Oprah Clips And Phone Calls. 12/11/07. 6:35am
  The guys gave Howard some of the Oprah clips that he had played yesterday during the news so he could replay them. That led to Robin and Howard talking about what a kook Oprah is. Howard had Oprah talking about what a great man this Barack Obama is and how they need him to be their President. Howard said that he wishes that someone would talk about him like that.

  Howard found the clip where Oprah was talking about Obama as though he was ''the one'' and said that it's really creepy. He said that the reality is that there is no ''one'' out there. He said that there isn't anyone in this country who can even rule on this merger between the satellite companies. He said that it's condescending to try and tell people that there is just ''one'' like she was doing.

  Howard took another phone call from a guy who said that he had a request to hear a prank call that Richard made to a pharmacy. Howard said he'd get that on later. The caller also thanked Howard for another awesome year of radio. He was ready to sign up for another year. Howard thanked him for that. He said that next year they're just going to go comatose and sleep for the year.

  the caller also asked Howard for less Eric the Midget next year. Howard said that he's fascinated by him and he has to have him on. He was actually waiting on hold to talk about his script so he might have to pick up on that.

  The caller asked Howard how he's doing with his chess games and Howard said that he's kind of dipped down a bit in his score lately. He said he has to play at the right time and he has to be into it.

• KC Armstrong Calls In. 12/11/07. 6:45am
  Howard had KC Armstrong on the phone. KC had to spit out his chewing tobacco before he said anything. Howard said that he's down in Rio or something. KC said he's not there yet. He said that there's this Rio Heroes fight that's on tonight. Howard Stern fans can see it for free tonight. Just go to RioHeroes.com.

  KC also told Howard that he has a chess set of his own and it's all shot glasses. He told Howard it's great for getting chicks drunk.

  Howard said that they can't do this fighting that they're talking about here in this country, they have to do it in Rio in a place that they can't mention. Howard said that it's something illegal that KC is involved with. KC said that it's only illegal here in this country.

  KC said that he made this barbecue the other day and he thought that it was one of these charcoal bags that you light but it turns out that it was a regular bag of charcoal and he wasn't able to put the fire out. He ended up putting it into the dumpster there at his apartment building and caught that on fire. The next thing he knew there was a helicopter flying overhead.

  KC said that Leticia Cline is upset with him because he was doing some wrestling moves with her and he had a boner. He said she was also asking him why she had to wear a bikini while they were doing that.

  Howard said that KC is continuing to survive out there doing this stuff. He gave him some plugs for this fight thing that he's doing. KC said they have a live fight and a replay of another fight that happened a while ago where a guy almost lost an eye.

  KC wished everyone a happy holiday. Howard wished him good luck getting into Leticia Cline's pants. He wanted some pointers from Howard but it sounds like he was doing just fine on his own. Howard found out that KC was teaching Leticia the wrestling moves in his own apartment. KC said that he really did have her in her bikini and he told her to do that so they could pretend that they were doing an intermission thing. He was teaching her the wrestling stuff so she'd know what she was commentating on.

  Howard said that maybe KC is getting ugly and he's got to do creepy stuff like every other creepy guy has to do. KC didn't want to hear that. He said they already said that he's getting ugly. KC said that he used to be able to just whip out his penis and show it to the girls and they'd be fine with that.

  KC said that when he popped his rod he was just wearing jogging pants and a t-shirt. Howard and the guys wished KC luck with everything. KC was out in the parking lot of his girlfriend's place out in Costa Mesa. He didn't want her to hear any of that Leticia story.

  Howard let KC go after that and said that he may watch that fight tonight. He's not sure if it's even legal to watch it here in this country though.

• Bubba To Do Two Shows A Day, One On Terrestrial Radio. 12/11/07. 6:55am
  Howard said that they have this guy Zeb Atlas coming in today. He's a gay porn star who claims to be straight. Howard said that he wants to know how a guy jerks another guy off and claims to be straight. Howard also said that Lisa Lampanelli is coming in to ask the audience to pressure the Grammy people to vote her as a winner with her nomination.

  Howard said that he heard that Bubba isn't allowed to talk about something that's going on with his show but the news is already out there down in Tampa. He said he wasn't sure if he was allowed to talk about it. JD came in and said that he heard that Bubba is going to be on some terrestrial station. Gary said that it was in Radio and Record this morning so it was okay to talk about it.

  Howard said that Bubba wanted to get on a couple of regular radio so he's going to be doing morning shows on terrestrial and then doing an afternoon show on SIRIUS. Howard said he hopes that he has the energy to do that because if he doesn't, he may end up getting fat again and having a woman wipe his ass with a towel. Artie said that whole conversation yesterday really affected him and he can't let himself get that way.

  Howard said that he was telling everyone about the ass wiping thing yesterday. Beth told him that she wouldn't even do that for him if he got fat. She said that she'd do it for him if he got sick, not if he got fat. Robin said that she can't imagine doing that either. She said that's crazy. Hoard said that the craziest people in this world are the ones around the giant fat people who are helping them out.

  Artie said that Bubba actually cheated on that chick who was wiping his ass like that. He said that guys are just fucked up.

  Howard said that they have the Howard Stern History shows starting next week. He mentioned that and the Hottest Chick, Smallest Breasts contest that's coming up tomorrow. He said that he's not that into breasts that he needs something there. He said that he's never had a super flat chested chick but he's not so into boobs that he has to have something there to date one. He said he doesn't waste time with breasts, he's a vagina man. He said ''plug me in!'' as he was talking about that. Howard said that he likes to kiss but he likes to stick it in the most. He had to go to break a short time later.

• Howard Reads Some E-Mail. 12/11/07. 7:10am
  After the break Howard came back and read some e-mail. The first e-mail said that the show keeps getting better after all these years. There was also some feedback about what Sal and Richard did to George Takei when they pulled him aside and make him record the songs. There was also a lot of feedback about Janice Dickinson's appearance yesterday. A lot of fans were pissed about her being on and they were annoyed with her voice and many other things she was doing.

  Howard said there were no positive e-mails about Janice at all. Robin said that she was like the opposite of George Takei. Howard read through some mail about Scott the Engineer's comedy debut out in Cleveland. Some people think he should keep going. Some people thought the show was bad but even Scott wasn't the worst. Howard read that Jim Florentine was booed off stage out there. Howard said that Jim is good and he can't imagine that he was booed off.

  Howard read an e-mail from a woman who said that her husband was talking about quitting his job just so he could listen to the History of Howard Stern. He wasn't going to be able to listen at work so Howard told the guy to just go ahead and quit.

• Shuli's Howard 100 News Preview. 12/11/07. 7:15am
  Howard read some feedback about Shuli and Double A's argument audio clip from yesterday. Some fans said that Shuli should be fired and Double A should be banished from the show. There were other people who said that Shuli is great and it was like Howard took a shit on him. Howard said that he doesn't feel that way at all.

  Howard said that Shuli is filling in for Lisa G today so he had him come in with a Howard 100 News preview. Shuli said that she's just out on a personal day. Shuli said that he didn't think that Howard shit on him yesterday at all.

  Shuli said that they have some news about Lisa's cookie party and they found out that Ross Zaipen finally came clean and said that he did buy his cookies and didn't make them himself like he had claimed he did. Howard said he knew it and the guy is a liar even though he's coming forward now. He said that someone else could have won that prize and had some fun with it.

  There were also some people who were upset with Richie from SIRIUS who said that someone else had made his cookies for him. Howard said that's bullshit and these guys were supposed to make their own cookies. He said that he doesn't like it and if he ever sees Ross, he'll say something to him.

  Shuli said that they have a story about Richard and his girlfriend going to a hotel to get tucked in by some elves. Richard's girlfriend is going along with it but Artie thinks that she's just going along with it for Richard and she's really not into it. Howard let Shuli go after he mentioned that Mary Carey's breast implants are up for sale on eBay this week.

• Music Discussions And More E-Mail. 12/11/07. 7:20am
  Howard read some mail about this song he played last week with some BB King clips in it. A fan wondered hat the name of the song was so Howard gave it out. It was by the Primitive Radio Gods and the song is called ''Standing Outside A Broken Phone Booth With Money In My Hand.'' Howard played some of the song after that. He said he didn't know what the guy was saying. He didn't know if the name of the song was even in the song. Howard said the song is awesome but he's pretty sure they never did another great song again.

  Howard said that he's been watching this new show where they try to find a great rock band. He said that they have some people similar to the people on American Idol judging the bands. He said that the saddest thing to see is these people who are in their 30s and just never make it as rock bands. He said it's really sad to see this one guy with a weird hair cut and wearing belly shirts way past his time.

  Howard said that being a rock star like the Rolling Stones are rock stars is cool. If you never make it, it's just not cool to dress in wild clothes and have weird hair cuts. Gary said that he's kind of into that show and he's been enjoying it.

  Gary said that there are some kids on that show who are beating the older guys on the show. He said it's kind of funny to see that happening.

  Howard thought he got some negative e-mail about George Takei but it turns out the guy was just trying to ruin his perfect record for getting positive feedback. The guy actually liked George and wants him to be on even more.

  Howard read some more mail about Fred and his sound effects. The fans are still enjoying the way he does his job and praised his work.

  Howard said that there were some people who were upset with him for telling Ricki Lake to lose 10 more pounds. He read through some of those. He said that he wasn't trying to be a dickhead, he was trying to help. He said he told her that she was amazing looking but she could look even better with the extra 10 pounds taken off. Someone suggested that Howard cover up those chicken-like arms of his if he's going to make suggestions like that to his guests. Howard had to go to break a short time later.

• Benjy's Disgusting Computer And Chuck Zito Show Clips. 12/11/07. 7:35am
  After the break we heard some prank calls that Richard and Sal made to a public access call in show. Fred also played some Red Hot Chili Peppers ''Suck My Kiss'' as they were coming back. Howard came back a short time later and said that Fred seems to like those guys because he plays them a lot. Howard said they also sing this ''20th Century Booey'' song and played the 20th Century Fox theme song with Sal singing a Baba Booey song parody to that tune.

  Howard said that he was listening to Chuck Zito's show from the other night. He said that guy is really interesting to him. He wanted to play some clips from the show but also wanted to get this guy Zeb Atlas in there.

  Howard got sidetracked and said that this guy Jeff Shick from IBM has been helping them out over the years with their computers. Jeff came to them recently and said that he can't help Benjy out. He said that he's never refused to work on anything until now. Benjy's computer is full of food, grease, dirt and filth. Howard asked Benjy what he's doing.

  Gary said that Jeff told him that it's really disgusting and he's not even sure what it is. The mouse is all sticky and he's not sure what it is. Benjy said that he hasn't been too neat with it and he's sorry about that. Gary said that he should have done a pre-clean or something. Benjy said that he does eat constantly when he's on the computer. He said he knows how disgusting it is. He figures that there's even jizz on there.

  Benjy said that over the years there could be some jizz there. He said that he has probably jerked off in front of the computer.

  Howard gave up on Benjy and moved on to play some chuck Zito show clips. In the first clip Chuck was talking about being at a party and having some girl come up and rub up against him. He said that this chick just came up to him and started rubbing on him while wearing just a nightgown. He said that she put her legs around his waist and it was some Asian girl. He decided to take her back to his room and wound up having a good time with her. He said she turned out to be a psycho though.

  Chuck said that he finished with the chick and wanted to go to sleep but she wanted more. He said it was time to sleep but she wanted to get some food. He told her to go get something if she wanted or she could just stay there. chuck said she started blowing him again and she bit him. He warned her that if she did that again she was going to lose some teeth. Then he got a call from room service confirming an order she put in for food. He denied it and then kicked her out of the room.

  chuck took a call from a guy who was calling him a fag when he called in. chuck said that these guys are ''telephone tough guys'' and they don't have the balls to do that in person.

  Howard had a couple of other clips to play and asked the guys what they wanted to hear. He had one where Chuck talks about banging a hostess on his birthday. In the clip he talks about going to dinner at this restaurant and sees this hot chick hostess at the place. He took her out because it was her birthday and she was turning 30. He said he had to take her out because at midnight she'd be too old for him. Her boss came over and asked her what she was doing so chuck asked him if he had a problem with him having coffee with him. The boss said it was fine and even let her off early from dinner. He took her out to see The Producers and then took her to Planet Hollywood and back to his apartment. He banged her when she was still 29 and then when she was 30 so he was her last at 29 and first at 30. Howard said that's like going to that place where you can step on the four corners of 4 different states.

  Howard played another clip where Chuck took a call and the guy asked him about a fight he went to. Chuck told the guy he went to this fight and took pictures with fans and did some walking around with the fans. He was told he couldn't go into the fight with his Hells Angels jacket on but he kept it on and had the cops called on him. They ended up calling the cops and had about 40 guys come in to make him leave the fight.

  Howard wondered if he should play more of these clips but JD told him he could move on, they weren't all that great.

• Straight Or Gay Porn Actor Zeb Atlas Visits. 12/11/07. 7:55am
  Howard said they have this guy Zeb Atlas there. He's in gay porn movies but he claims to be straight. The guy came in and Robin said that he's a good looking guy. Robin said that if he's having sex with guys in the movies, he's not straight. Howard said that he's trying to understand how this works.

  Howard said that Zeb has been doing gay porn for 6 years now. He asked him about his history and found out that he was discovered by some guy who wanted to photograph him. He said that he'd get paid like $500 to have his picture taken, not even nude. He said this guy eventually offered him more and more money to do stuff and that's what led to this gay stuff.

  Howard asked Zeb when the gay stuff started. He said that he and a friend used to look at porn and would beat off at the same time. He said that they were looking at women though. Howard read that he was a personal trainer at one point and had guys trying to touch him. Zeb said that was after he started doing the photographs and stuff.

  Howard asked Zeb what he wanted to do for a living. Zeb said he wanted to be a personal trainer but that whole thing kind of went away and he didn't have a job. He said he was doing this jacking off stuff on camera but not working with other guys doing gay stuff. He thought that women were going to buy the stuff he was doing, he didn't know that it was going to be all gay men buying these videos.

  Zeb said that he's been offered some good money to do movies like this and once got an offer for $30,000. He said that he hasn't fully jacked off a guy but he has touched cock. Robin was laughing her ass off when she heard some of this stuff.

  ,Howard said that Zeb told their screener that he had a friend who used to blow him when he was a kid. Zeb said that when he was 10 or 12 he had a 15 year old friend that he looked up to and the guy would want to go down on him. He said he didn't know that he was jacking off after he left. He said that he would get blown by him and that went on for a couple of years. Artie said that was an enormous amount of time to be doing something like that. Zeb said it was probably once a month or so though, not all the time. Artie got a laugh out of that. Zeb said he never came though, he hadn't started doing that yet.

  Howard asked Zeb about these masturbation videos that he was doing and how they asked him to go a little further eventually. Zeb said that in the latest one there are two guys who nude wrestle for the chance to be with him. They end up at a draw so both of them get him. He said that the guys both massage him and unbeknownst to him, they go for him and start jacking him off. He said that they all cum and he has a guy cum on him. He said that the guy finishes on his chest.

  Howard asked if they kiss. Zeb said that they all get in the shower and clean off but don't kiss. Robin asked if he's kissed guys. Zeb got all shy and said that ''Oh Robin...'' and eventually said that he has kissed guys while being jacked off or while he's jacking them off.

  Zeb said that he has jerked guys off but he's never blown a guy. He said that he's never been blown on film either. He said he is working up to that though. Artie asked what kind of relationship he has with women. Zeb said that he does date women.

  Zeb said that he's a millionaire from all of this. He gets good money to get jacked off by other dudes. He said that he's sold over 3000 copies of his movies in a year so it's building up for him. Howard wanted to know what kind of money he could make doing this if he started out in the business. Zeb said that there's quite a bit of money there. He said that a solo video can sell 3000 copies. Howard wondered how he can be a millionaire if that's the case. Zeb said that the videos are his own and he can make some good money selling each video.

  Howard and Robin asked what kind of stuff he does when he gets paid to go out on dates with guys. He said that guys will pay to take him out and they will blow him but he won't blow them. Artie asked him if he's in the same society that they're in.

  Howard said that his verdict is that he's gay, he's heard enough at this point. He told him that today is the day to just admit that he's gay. He then asked him what it would cost him to take him out for the evening. Howard said that if he wanted to jack off and blow him, how much? Zeb kept asking for details like if he wanted to spend the night and cuddle and stuff. Zeb said that the most he's ever been offered is $10,000.

  Zeb claims that he has a girlfriend and she's a porn star by the name of Devon Michaels. He said that she was on Howard's show at some point. He said he has sex with her daily when he's home in Las Vegas.

  Howard asked Zeb if he would ever take anal if he was offered enough money. He said that he's had stuff up his ass and it's not that enjoyable for him. He said his girlfriend likes to stick things up there so that's what he's basing that on. He said that she sticks toys and beads and stuff like that up there.

  Gary came in and said that they're trying to figure this out. He said that if a guy can get aroused for another dude, that means that you're at least bi-sexual. Howard asked him if he's from a strict family or something that's very anti-gay. Zeb said that's not the case at all. He never even went to church as a child.

  Zeb said that he got an offer from a guy after he placed an ad as a personal trainer and the guy offered to blow him so he just went along with it. Howard said that this is some wild stuff. He asked if his parents know about what he does. He said that his mother doesn't have a computer but she does ask when he's going to get a ''real job.'' He said that he's pretty well set for life and he doesn't really need to get a real job.

  Robin asked him if he's planning on going all the way in any of his movies. He said that he may do some kissing and body contact. As he said that Fred played a clip from ''Deliverance'' where Ned Beatty is squealing like a pig.

  Artie asked Zeb if he's ever gotten mad at a guy and beaten him up over going too far. He said he never has. Howard asked him if he's ever eaten ass or had his ass eaten. He said that he has had his ass eaten out before.

  Howard went on to play a clip from one of Zeb's movies where he and his roommate jerk each other off after having some beer and watching a movie. They put in a video and then end up watching it and both of them get turned on and start jerking off.

  Howard went around the room and asked the guys what they think, is Zeb gay or not. Fred said that he's probably 90 percent gay. Artie aids that there's nothing wrong with it but he is a gay guy. Howard said that he thinks he's dreaming about men at night. Robin said that she thinks that he's an 80/20 bi-sexual guy with 80 percent gay.

  Howard had Wood Yee (Audio clips) on the phone and he told him to spit on him and make him wet. He was trying to have phone sex with him. That led to the two of them having a few seconds of phone sex and Wood Yee had blown his load within a few seconds.

  Howard let Wood Yee go and took a call from Ralph who asked what act he'd find to be gay. Zeb said that all of this stuff he's doing is gay but he's not gay himself. He said he's never had gay sex with a man. A phone caller said that this guy isn't gay at all and they should put him on with Chuck Zito. The guys all got a laugh out of that suggestion.

  Howard gave Zeb a plug for his web site ZebAtlas.com and asked him how long he can stay in the business. Zeb said he's 37 now and he sees himself doing it for a couple more years. Artie was doing some math and figured that selling those videos wasn't making him millions. Zeb said that it's the private parties that are making him the good money. So is his web site. He didn't say how many of these private parties he's doing though. Artie said that maybe when he's done with his stand-up career he can move on to something like this. Zeb told him that he'd have to be groomed a little bit for that.

  Artie wanted to know what Richard thought about all of this because he's said that he'd go gay stuff for work. Richard came in and said that he's absolutely not gay but then said he was kidding and he's actually flaming. Richard said he's never been blown by a guy himself. Artie told him that Zeb is at least getting paid to do this, Richard just does it as a goof.

  The Howard TV guys played some video of Richard licking Sal's balls and asked Zeb who is gayer. Zeb said that was pretty gay right there so maybe he's the gay one.

  Howard spent a couple more minutes trying to understand this but he said he couldn't figure it out. He said he had a guy ask him to jerk him off when he was a kid but he only went as far as to put his hand on his penis and then pulled away and said it didn't feel right. He had another friend who wanted to jerk off in the same room but he didn't want anything to do with that either.

  Howard asked Zeb if he's been with more men than women. He said he has but only because of work. He has a girlfriend too so he's only with her when it comes to women. He said that she's very good at blow jobs and she likes everyone to know that because she doesn't want guys out there giving him better ones.

  Howard asked Zeb what the strangest situation is that he's been in. Zeb said that there have been guys who want him to be the coach in high school or something like that. He said that's the weirdest stuff he's had. Howard asked Zeb if he would blow a guy for $50,000. Zeb said that was a good question and he'd have to think about it.

  Richard asked Zeb if he thinks that Howard is a little gay for watching him and Sal licking nuts. Zeb said that he just wants to see how far they're willing to go. Richard thinks that Howard is like the guy in the videos sitting in the corner jerking off though.

  Howard took a call from Mark the Bagger (audio clips) who was asking him some goofing questions. They had clips of Mark asking how he can rape an 11 year old without being caught. Howard cut them off after that and gave Zeb some plugs for his web site. Richard asked Robin if she wanted to have Zeb take his shirt off. Robin said she wasn't going to ask but Zeb said he'd do it for Richard.

  Zeb took his shirt off and Howard said the guy is massive. He asked how many days he has to work out. He said he works out just about every day for about an hour. He said he does cardio in the morning and then does some working out in the gym and some yoga.

  Richard was asking Zeb some questions and Artie said that he's clearly turned on by this guy. Richard said that you have to admire someone who gets into that kind of shape. Howard wanted him to touch him but Richard refused to do that, he didn't want to touch his chest or anything.

  Howard told Richard to show Zeb his penis. Richard said he'd do that but he didn't want to do it. Richard whipped it out and Zeb told him that was definitely a penis. Artie told him to show him his ass too. Howard told him to go ahead and do that so Zeb played along and asked to see it. Richard showed that to him and showed him his hemorrhoid.

  Howard asked Zeb about using steroids because the guy was so big he couldn't have gotten that way without it. Zeb didn't really admit to it but did kind of hint that maybe he did have some help. He said that he also puts in a lot of work to make himself look the way he does.

  Howard asked Richard to get a lap dance from Zeb. Richard hesitated but did agree to do that for him. Fred played some dance music and Zeb danced for him. Artie was saying ''Oh my god!'' over and over again. Zeb had his pants off and Richard looked like he was into it according to Artie. Howard told Richard to take his pants off while he was getting the lap dance but he refused to do that. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.

• Comedian Lisa Lampanelli Visits. 12/11/07. 8:50am
  After the break we heard a prank call the guys made using Steve Grillo audio clips. Fred played some John Lennon ''Watching the Wheels'' as they were coming back. Howard said that Lisa Lampanelli was there and she was up for a Grammy with her comedy album. Lisa came in a short time later. He said that she's all glamorize these days and that could be a problem if she gets caught up in that. Lisa said that won't be a problem, if she stops being funny she'll stop dressing up and go back to being fat.

  Lisa said that she owns a house out in Tucson, Arizona where she rests. She said that she has a few guys out there that she dates, but doesn't bang. She said that she's healthy and very happy at this point. She said that this year was very bad and very good for her. She had a bad break up this year but she's also having a great luck with her career.

  Lisa said that she's still going out with black guys and she can't get away from that. She said that she actually banged a pro football player. She said that he's not a starter but he is on a pro team. She said that he tracked her down through her web site and asked her to a game. She said that she was in the area at the time and she went down to visit the guy in Philly when he was there. She said that she had friends there but she really didn't have any, she just wanted to be with this guy.

  Lisa said that she had to go to pick him up and back to a hotel room with him in that narrow 3 hour window of time that they have to mess around. She said that the guy is in his 20s and that would be weird to have a relationship because she's 46 and she knows that it would be weird in 20 years. She said it would end up looking like Driving Miss Daisy.

  Lisa said that the players aren't allowed to have women in their rooms so she had to go to another room with the guy. She said that they can be fined for doing stuff like that. She said that she doesn't waste time with guys and she just told him ''lets go'' and went back to his room.

  Lisa said that it was really hot to have a pro player run out to her Toyota Camry while there are tons of people standing there waiting to get his autograph. She said that it was so hot when he ran out there. She said that the guy is a southern guy and he was really cute too.

  Lisa said that she had never had an NFL player before so she told him that they just had to go for it. She said that they went to this Courtyard by Marriott hotel room and went at it. She said that he banged her immediately. She said that she stinks in bed so he just did his thing and that was it. She said that it wasn't just straight fucking though.

  Lisa said that this guy's penis curved in an odd way but she didn't say anything to him about it. She said that it curved up in a way that was very uncomfortable. She said it was actually painful afterward so she may not do him again. Howard said that was a shame, he feels bad for the guy. Artie said that it was probably bent from all of the chicks he bangs.

  Lisa said that this guy went at it for a good 45 minutes or so. She said that the black guys can really last a long time. Howard asked her how much time they spent together after that bang. She said that he didn't have a lot of time to screw around so she had to drive him back to the other hotel after they were done. She said that she's going to Chicago in January so she may see her again out there.

  Lisa said that this guy gave her tickets for a game that he was going to be playing the next day. She wasn't really in town because she was driving home to Connecticut to see her family up there. She said it was very weird to do that too. Lisa said that this guy is really cute but she didn't want to say who he was because he may have a girlfriend.

  Howard said that Lisa is up for a Grammy and he remembers going to the Grammy's with Sam Kinison one year. He ended up losing to PDQ Bach which was insane at the time. Sam was out of his mind at the time because of that. He said that the people who vote probably don't even listen to the albums. Lisa said that she's up against Steven Wright, George Lopez, Harry Shearer and Flight of the Conchords. She said that she wouldn't mind losing to any of them other than the Flight of the Conchords guys. She said that they're all hip and cool and there's nothing she likes less than hip and cool.

  Lisa said that she's not even sure who votes on this stuff and she's not sure who to plead her case to. She said that there are some people who will vote for her just because she's on Warner Brothers records. She said that hey could just throw her a fuckin' bone and give her a win because she's a 46 year old woman.

  Howard asked Lisa about doing the Gene Simmons roast. She told Howard about hanging out with Shannon Tweed and how she came up with the idea to roast Gene after the Flavor Flav roast. She said that Shannon wanted to do it with Carrot Top doing the roast. She said she had to talk her out of that. She said that she likes Carrot Top but he's not a good roaster.

  Lisa said that they went to do the roast and they called her and told her that it was a non-paid roast. She said that she was only going to do it because Donald Trump, Cher and Steven Tyler were going to be there. It turned out that none of them showed up and they didn't have any big people like that there.

  Lisa said that A&E is a mess. They're the ones who set up all of this stuff because they were doing it for Gene's reality TV show. She said that the whole thing went down hill and down hill as the guys were all coming in and roasting him. Lisa said that Gene was walked into the room wearing those big KISS boots that he wears. She said that he got on stage and went to do a tongue thing and he fell over so they had to shoot the whole thing over again.

  Lisa said that Danny Bonaduce came in and was more well behaved than Steve-O was. Steve-O peed on stage 3 times that night and ended up getting kicked out. She said that he peed on the stage, then he peed in a Poland Spring bottle and then into a cup. She said that she was afraid to pick up a cup because it might have pee in it.

  Lisa said that the roast turned out to be okay, it wasn't all that bad. She said that they were doing it for charity and it was pretty sweet.

  Lisa told Howard some of the jokes she told about Gene. She said that Gene's face has been more roughed up than the Students at Oprah's school in Africa. She also said that she hasn't seen hair that nappy since the girls at Rutgers. Lisa also threw in some jokes about Danny Bonaduce and some of the other guys there. She told some jokes about Craig Gass who was also at the roast. She said that when she saw him there she figured that Frank Caliendo had said no to that roast.

  Lisa said that Gene Simmons has a sexuality about him and she can see why 5000 women banged him. She said that sadly 4900 of them looked like Carrot Top.

  Howard got back to the Grammy thing and said that he hopes that she wins. Lisa said that if the fans were allowed to vote, she might win. She said that Lopez could win but all of his fans are illegal Mexicans so they're not allowed to vote. Howard said that he remembers sitting there with Sam and how upset he was when he didn't win.

  Howard gave Lisa some plugs for some upcoming gigs she has. She's at the Borgata in Atlantic City on New Year's Eve. She said that she's also going to be at Carnegie Hall next spring and tickets go on sale for that on March 28th.

  Howard gave Lisa a plug for her web site InsultComic.com and talked to her about why she doesn't use her name for her web site. She said that people have trouble spelling her last name. Howard wished her luck with the Chicago Bears guy that she banged and then went to break.

• Artie Enjoys His Lucky Burger. 12/11/07. 9:30am
  After the break we heard a Jack and Rod Show bit with Sal and Richard jerking around a random fan they called and had playing a game on their phony show. Fred also played some Stevie Wonder ''higher Ground.'' Howard wondered why he can't write a hit song anymore.

  Artie came in with a Lucky Burger hamburger and milk shake. It turns out that Howard's friend Pat Minokia is involved with them in some way and he sent some stuff up to them. Artie said that it might be the best meal ever. A burger and a shake are the best. He showed the burger to everyone and let Howard describe it. Artie said that it tasted like a great cheeseburger. Gary said he's not sure what Pat's affiliation is with the place, he just sent that stuff up for Artie. The store is called Lucky's Famous. Artie said that it was really good.

• Danielle, This Month's Miss Howard TV, Visits. 12/11/07. 9:35am
  Howard said that the Howard TV guys have a Miss Howard TV thing going on and you can do online auditions. They had this Month's Miss Howard TV come in after that. Her name is Danielle Demarco and she's in the Benjy Yule Log special that's on Howard TV. Howard said that she's so hot that she's marriage material.

  Howard asked Danielle what she does for a living. She's a hair stylist. She said that she doesn't really get hit on that much but she does have more women than men. She lives in New jersey and she's 22 years old without a boyfriend. She said that she hasn't had a man in about a month now. She said that she's been seeing him for about a year but the last time they banged was a month ago. Howard didn't understand why she didn't do him more or why he's not coming out to see her.

  Artie said that Danielle is the hottest chick he's ever seen in his life. She said that this guy she's seeing is a model-type but she didn't want to say what he does. Howard said that he might be gay if he hasn't come back for a month. Howard said that if she gave it to him, he'd be back every night. He said he'd do that unless he was good looking like John Stamos.

  Danielle is from Basking Ridge, New Jersey and Artie knew that she was exit 36. She said that was amazing because no one knows where she's from when she says that. Robin told Artie to ask her out. Artie said that he was on a strict diet regimen and he would be thin in about a month.

  Danielle said that she's only had 2 serious boyfriends in her life. She said that she was thinking about working in Hoboken so Artie offered her the chance to stay with him because that's where he lives. Howard told her that Artie is an actor and maybe she could cut his hair or something.

  Danielle told Artie that she's Italian and she usually only dates Italians. Artie said that he's the same way and they should stick together. Howard told her that she could make a fortune stripping. He asked her if she has ever been topless in front of guys. She said she hadn't been. She also said that her boobs were fake.

  Howard said that Danielle will be on Howard TV modeling different outfits and stuff while she introduces different shows on Howard TV. Howard asked her if she'd walk around on a beach in a bikini. She said she dos and she guesses that guys go nuts around her.

  Robin asked Danielle if she would have dinner with Artie. Danielle said that she would. She even told the Howard TV guys that she would date him. Robin said that Artie is a funny, sweet guy. Artie said that he'd pick her up at 7 tonight. He said he'll just drive around Basking Ridge yelling out her name until he finds her.

  Artie said that he knows a lot of people with the last name Demarco and threw a bunch out there. She didn't recognize them so Artie asked her if her family is connected. She just laughed and said no.

  Howard asked her how tall she is and found out she's 5'4'' tall and 105 pounds. Howard told her that she's perfect the way she is. He said she's doing the right thing, whatever it is she's doing.

  Howard asked Danielle if she's good at cutting hair. She said she really is and she'd be willing to cut Artie's hair if he wanted. She said that she could give him a mohawk if he wanted one.

  Howard said that he'd dance with Danielle if she wanted to. Fred put on some music and Howard got up and danced with her. He told her not to pay attention to him, just dance herself. He wanted to see her dancing but she said that she can only dance when she's drunk. She said that she thinks she's the best dancer in the world when she's drunk. Howard showed off some of his moves and Artie couldn't take his eyes off of Danielle.

  Howard said those moves he's doing are how he picked up his woman. He spent a couple more minutes talking to her and said that he would really marry her if she said yes to him. She said that she really hasn't had guys propose to her before. Howard said that Artie has to see the back of her outfit and had the guys bring her back in so he could show him that again. Artie said that he saw it already but Howard had her model for them again.

  Howard asked what other outfits she had that they could check out. She showed off this one again and Artie let out a ''Holy shit!'' after that. Danielle said that she thinks she has a fat ass and no one else did. They thought she was nuts.

  Howard said he thinks that Artie is going to end up eating her for dinner if they go out. He told Artie that she's a 10 in his book. Fred said that she's a 9, her ass is a little fat. He said he was kidding but said that she really is a 9. She's not his type but she's still a 9. He said the rest of her was unbelievable but her face wasn't his type. Howard said that her face was perfect to him. Fred said there's just a little something off with her face to him. Fred said that her body is phenomenal.

  Howard had the guys bring her back in so he could look at her face. He had her walk up to him so he could look closer. She came up and Howard said that she's definitely a 10. Howard said that she has a perfect nose and she said she gets a lot of compliments on it. Fred said it was droopy. Fred said that if you're going for perfection, she's not a 10. Fred said that Pam Anderson was hotter when she was in her prime.

  Howard asked Benjy if she was a 10. Benjy said that if she had about 50 more tattoos she would be. Howard asked Artie if he's going to go out with her. Artie got all irritated and said that he's aggravated and he doesn't want to go out with her because it was a fake yes. He said he just wanted to enjoy his shake.

  Fred said he had to knock her down a little bit and not let her walk around thinking she's a 10. He said it wasn't about her personality either, it was based on her looks. She was a very nice girl according to everyone there but Fred said he didn't consider that.

  Teddy came in a short time later and gave his boss, Artie, Danielle's phone number. Howard asked Teddy to tell him what happened out there. Teddy said that he went out and grabbed a piece of paper and told her that he's Artie's assistant and to give him her number. He said he threatened her a little bit to get it. Artie now has Danielle's phone number. Teddy offered to be his driver if he wanted.

  Ralph called in and said that he's not sure what this girl looks like but he asked if Jason could send him a picture. Ralph said that all of the guys in the back were saying that she's not a 10. Fred was still defending his 9 score. Howard said that he thinks she could be in Playboy but Fred said that wouldn't happen. He said that she could be a runway model at best.

  Howard said that she was a 10 because he can imagine her having half of Artie's money after they marry and divorce. Artie said that banging her for 5 years would be worth living in a shitty garage apartment after a divorce.

• Howard 100 News And Wrap Up Show Previews. 12/11/07. 9:55am
  Steve Langford came in and gave his Howard 100 News preview. He said that they have a report about Teddy keeping some fans away from Artie over the weekend by pushing a woman away. Artie said he had to do that because the chick was pulling his hair.

  Steve said that they have a story about Rev. Bob Levy opening his own web site in Levittown, Pennsylvania later this month. They have Jim Florentine's name misspelled on Bob's site. Steve said that they also have a story about Scott DePace and his Golf Caddy clamps that he's trying to sell. They have some news about The History of Howard Stern coming up next week as well. He got in some plugs for Jackie the Joke Man's show and for Riley Martin's show as well. Both of them are airing tonight.

  Robin mentioned that she ran into Jackie the other day at the Friar's Club so that led to Howard and Fred doing their impressions of Jackie for a few minutes.

  Jon Hein came in and gave his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon said they'll talk about Zeb Atlas' visit and all of the stuff that went on while he was there. They'll also talk about Lisa Lampanelli's interview, KC Armstrong's call, Benjy's sticky PC and more.

  Robin wondered what the chances are that Artie will actually call Danielle. Artie said he's going to call her for sure. He said he will use that number.

• And Finally... 12/11/07. 10:00am
  Howard asked Robin to start her news. Fred played a Mike Morse song parody, ''Bonin' Robin Quivers,'' for her and then she got into her news. She started off with a story about the box office take for The Simpsons movie being over 500 million.

  The guys ended up talking about Danielle again when they looked at the pictures of her that they put up on HowardStern.com. Artie said it was painful to even look at her because she was so hot.

  Robin also did a story about this Hannah Montana girl who has huge sales of merchandise estimated to be in the billions of dollars. Robin also talked about the funeral for Evel Knievel. Artie said that they should have shot his coffin over Snake River Canyon. Howard said that it was an open casket too. He said that he thought about Jessica Hahn when he saw that open casket because she just banged him about 10 years ago.

  Howard said he wants a list of all of the names of the chicks that banged him at his funeral. He said that Beth would be thrilled with that. Robin had some audio from the funeral and had Matthew McConaughey making a speech that didn't make much sense to anyone. Howard joked that he couldn't comment on him because he had hired him to speak at his own funeral as well.

  Robin brought up Oprah Winfrey's rally for Barack Obama again so the guys ended up playing clips of her again and goofing on her. Artie even had a new Oprah Winfrey impression he was working on. He sounded nothing like her but Howard liked the impression. Howard goofed on her about being like the Oracle from The Matrix. She's so over the top with her comments about the guy. Howard said he's kind of interested in Obama but this Oprah thing really turns him off. Robin said she thinks that it's a big political mistake for him. She said that she thinks that Oprah is really a Hillary Clinton supporter and she's doing this to ruin Obama's run on purpose.

  Robin had some audio of Will Smith talking about getting his spot in front of the outside Grauman's Chinese Theater. Howard jokingly said that he always thought that Will Smith was ''the one.'' They had to take a break a short time later.

  After the break Robin read another story about people who think that they might be inheriting money from their families, they may want to visit them often. Howard said that's right because he changes his will just about every month. If someone pisses him off he lowers the amount of money he's leaving them. Artie joked that he's changing his will and leaving everything to that Miss Howard TV chick.

  Artie said that the burger and shake he had are just slowing him down now. He had two cheeseburgers, the shake and Linden's Chocolate Chippers before that. He sounded like he was falling asleep.

  Robin mentioned that Scott Baio and his girlfriend have gotten married. They have a baby now too. Artie basically said that no one care.

  Robin read a story about Amy Winehouse so Howard mentioned that they had her booked for the show a while back when she was starting out and she just never showed up for the interview.

  Robin read a story about Led Zeppelin going back out and performing together in a special concert. Howard said it was depressing to see pictures from that because they've aged so poorly. He said that some of these guys, like Paul McCartney and Billy Joel, still look halfway decent. The guys in Zeppelin are a mess. Robin read their set list so Howard and Artie were singing some of the songs. Fred played some of their stuff so they could sing along to that.

  Howard said there were some ''secret'' rehearsal tapes that went out over the web at some point. He played some of that but it was actually Ronnie the Limo Driver singing the ''hopie kopie''(Hokey Pokey) song. Artie threw in some Ozzy Osbourne ''Bark at the moon'' at one point for no apparent reason.

  Robin brought up the Writer's Guild strike and said that there are many shows and movies being held up by the strike and ''High School Musical 3'' is one that's moving forward. Howard said that he hasn't seen any new ''Smallville'' lately so that's what he's upset about.