| Monday | Tuesday |
|
|
| Wednesday | Thursday |
|
|
| Friday | |
|
Howard started off the show saying he didn't know it was Columbus Day today and he's a big Columbus guy but he's working anyway. He said that he should be out sailing around the world trying to discover new worlds but there are none left to discover. Artie said that it would be great if Howard could find some people to give his own name to. He could call the natives ''Sternians'' or something like that.
Howard said that it's funny that the Indians here in this country were found and thought to be from India. He said that's kind of like the name Baba Booey sticking with Gary all these years. Howard said that Columbus thought he'd landed in India here and called them Indians and the name stuck.
Howard and the guys talked about how crazy the whole Columbus situation was and how scary the world is. Robin said that the Indians here saved Columbus' ass when he got here and look at the thanks they got for doing that.
Robin asked Fred if he sees that he's so wrong now. Fred said that he got a lot of mail about that subject and a lot of people agreed with him and Artie on that subject. Howard said that, once again, he's right. Fred said that's right in this situation.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he likes that Fred has been talking lately. He said that Howard should let him do that more. Howard said he likes Fred because he contains him and doesn't let him talk all the time. He controls that part of the show and that's why he likes him.
The caller also started to get into another subject but Howard hung up on him and took another call. The next caller asked Fred about how he feels that Howard was right again. Fred seemed to be okay with it, he wasn't upset. The caller was getting a little annoying so Howard hung up on him too. He took another one and the next caller brought up the Danny Bonaduce thing and tried pointing out what went on there. Fred said they were passed that already so he didn't get into it.
Howard refused to take Fred's $100 for the bet. Fred put the money on his desk and told him to take it but Howard said he wasn't going to. Howard told Fred he's overreacted once again and the proof is in the tapes.
Gary came in and said that this Susan Waldman announcer is really annoying in the way she talks about her home town team. He goofed on her a little bit about that stuff. He was also saying that if the Yankees win again they'll just have more stuff to rub in the faces of the other team's faces. They have 26 championships already and if they win, they get one more and they'll be rubbing that in the Mets fans faces. Howard said that they're just a better team than the Mets.
Gary and Artie gave their arguments for why the whole Yankees winning would be horrible or great depending on who you ask. Artie gave his argument for why they're the best and why the Mets suck. He said that he just states the facts when he argues with Mets fans.
Howard said that he's kind of a Mets fan because his father used to take him to their games. He doesn't argue with people about them though. He said that he's told Gary to just switch allegiance now. In 10 years no one will remember he was a Mets fan.
Artie said that he thinks that the Yanks will win tonight. Howard wondered if this will be the end of Joe Torre if they don't win. The guys all pretty much think that Torre is done after this season.
Howard went on to say that he was talking to Gary about switching from the Mets to the Yankees and Gary said that's a pussy move. He told a story about this Jewish guy who found a woman that he loved who wasn't Jewish. He stopped talking to his family, changed his name and moved on to become Christian. Many years later he now doesn't think of the guy as being a Jew. He said that's what Gary could do if he changed his allegiance to the Yankees now. He said that 20 years from now no one will care. He may take some ribbing at first but people will eventually forget.
Howard asked Artie if he would accept Gary into the Yankees family if he dropped the Mets. Artie went into his Godfather impression and said that Gary would have to do a few things to get in on that. He said he'd have to denounce the color orange and do a few other things. Artie said he'd let him in but he might still give him some ribbing about being a Mets fan in the past.
Gary said he's happy with his sports allegiance and he's not changing. Howard told him that his kids are the ones who are going to suffer. They're Mets fans too and now they're going to be let down every year.
Howard said he was reading David Hinkley's column today too and they're saying that Dennis Miller is going to a radio station there in the city. They also say that Imus is returning to radio and making a big deal out of that. He said that he's not sure who is clamoring for Imus to return to radio. He's never gotten ratings higher than the guys who are on WABC right now. They've always beat Imus so he can't imagine they'd replace them. He said that Hinkley says that they may bring Imus in because he gets better advertisers. Howard doesn't get that because if he has lower ratings, that shouldn't be the case.
Howard talked about this Scarborough report that tells people about what kind of people are listening to radio and Imus used to claim that he had people listening to make more money than the people who listen to Howard Stern. Howard said that if you read that report, you'll see that he was full of shit. He said that the reports actually showed that they had people listening to had a higher median income than the people listening to Imus. He said that these reporters just report anything that Imus tells them.
Howard spent a few minutes goofing on Imus and his crew who may be coming back with him to the air. He said that Imus hasn't gotten ratings on radio since the WNBC days and he really can't understand why such a big deal is being made about his return.
Howard said that Dennis Miller is going to WOR radio which is full of conservative talk radio guys. He said that Dennis is conservative but he doesn't seem to have the same kind of agenda that some of these other guys do. Artie said he's a funny motherfucker but he kind of becomes a bore when he starts to get serious.
Artie said he heard that Dennis was going to get back into the sports thing too but after that Monday Night Football debacle, he'd be surprised if that happened.
Howard said he hopes that Imus does come back and they see that his ratings are lower than Curtis and Kuby. Artie compared Imus being on for so long to that show ''JAG'' which was on forever but didn't get ratings. Howard said that show actually did get ratings, they just don't know of anyone who actually watched it. Howard said that Imus really never got ratings but somehow managed to stay on the air for many years. Robin said that he just keeps failing upward somehow. Howard said no one is looking for Imus on the radio and this is unbelievable.
Howard said he likes that Imus is out at his ranch rotting away. He read that he plays chess with his son out there on the ranch and he'd love to play against him and beat his ass. He said that Imus is probably shitty at that game just like he's shitty at everything else he does.
Howard said he got Kid Rock's new album but didn't get a chance to listen to it. He went out to a movie screening over the weekend. He said he was at this movie ''Things We Lost in the Fire.'' He said that the movie was really good but it probably won't make any money. He said that he goofs on Halle Berry all the time but she's really a good actress. He also said that Benicio Del Toro is a great actor as well and both of them were in the movie. He said that he got to talk to Benicio who he's met a few times before. He said that he talked to him about the movie before it started and he told him he got to do a sex scene with her in the movie. Howard said that she really can act too.
Howard said he saw a sign next to him that read ''Voight'' and then one that said ''Pitt'' and he figured that he was going to have Brad Pitt and John Voight sitting next to him. He said he started thinking that maybe John doesn't like him and stuff like that. He and Beth were whispering to each other about how cool it was going to be having them sitting there. They were pretending not to be excited but they really were.
Howard said that all of the people at the screening are really good looking, except for him. He said that Beth was all dolled up and looking great while he looked like shit. They were talking about how money can get you into that kind of event. Robin said she was out visiting Sam Simon over the weekend and the money thing really does a lot for people. She said that his place is really nice out there in California.
Howard said that this movie really explains Artie's life with the whole heroin thing. Benicio plays a character who is addicted to heroin and he goes through the same kind of stuff that Artie has. Howard said that Benicio has to get off the stuff and goes through the withdrawals and stuff.
Howard said that John Voight showed up eventually and came over to sit in his seat. He said John leaned over and asked him how he was doing. Howard said he shook hands with him and introduced him to Beth. He said he pulled out Beth's hand gel out so he could sanitize his hands. He said John was watching him and asked what he was doing. Then Beth asked him why he was in her purse looking for the hand gel. Beth busted him for that even though she should know him better than that. Howard said that Brad Pitt never showed up, some other Pitt showed up and it may have been Brad's brother or something.
Howard said that there was a guy who responded to her ad and said that she's only going to get older and uglier while he's going to make even more money. He wanted to know what she had to offer to the relationship since she's just going to get older and saggier. Artie said that's why he's perfect for her, he'll be dead by the time she turns 35.
Howard read this ad that the chick posted. She talks about the people she's seen out there who aren't all that hot but are married to really rich guys. The guy who wrote back to her said that she's a depreciating asset and he's an appreciating asset. The guy goes on to say that he'd rather lease her than ''buy'' her like she was looking for. He said that she'd leave him if his money was gone while he'd like to leave her when her looks are gone.
Howard said that Gary called the guy who posted the response to her ad and it's legitimate. He said that they may talk to one of them or maybe both. Gary said that the woman is looking for marriage and not just dating. Artie said that he may still be the right guy for her. He wondered if she's really as good looking as she claims she is. Howard said that they may have to get her in there to find out what she looks like.
Howard said that Crackhead Bob is coming in today with some very sad news. He also mentioned that Kid Rock will be in and then went to break.
Howard said that Richard was out flying around visiting haunted houses and stuff. He said that Richard and his girlfriend got an upgrade to first class and ended up having 8 drinks a piece. They had to figure out if the upgrade was worth it based on the amount of alcohol they were going to get for free. Richard said that it was really early in the morning but they still served them.
Richard said he had 8 or 9 vodka and cranberry drinks and she didn't have quite as many as he did. He said that they are both terrified of flying and that makes them feel much better. Howard said they don't need to drink that much to calm themselves down. Howard said that Richard is all red and bloated from drinking so much.
Gary asked Richard if he books flights based on their airport bar. Richard said that is the way he does it, he flies Jet Blue because they have a great bar at JFK. He said that he doesn't think he gets really wasted these days so Robin asked him if he knows what really wasted even is these days. He said he got a good buzz off of those drinks he had on the plane.
Howard said that Richard goes to these haunted houses and taped some of what happened out in Denver and Kansas City. They really are very scary and physically exhausting. Howard played some of the audio where Richard and his girl are screaming as they get scared. Then they start laughing. Richard's girlfriend really has a high pitched screech that she lets out when she gets scared. There was one part where a guy starts up a chainsaw and scares the crap out of them.
Artie wondered how they keep getting scared even though they know that they're fake. Richard said that he imagines that there are some nutty people out there who don't actually work there at the haunted house and they may just try and kill them. Richard said that these things are really big and they attract a lot of people. Howard asked Richard if it's scarier being chased by those people or by a bar of soap. Richard just laughed.
Howard said he can imagine people getting hurt when these things get out of hand. Robin said that there was a roller coaster that broke recently and ended up rolling backwards and slamming into the station and then hydraulic fluid sprayed on the people in the coaster. She said that's a really scary Halloween for those people.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up Richard's drinking and how he gets so out of hand on the flights he takes. Sometimes he has to be taken off the plane in a wheelchair because he gets so wasted. Richard said that he has been cut off before while he's flying but not because he's out of control, just because he's had too many drinks.
Artie said that Lisa shouldn't have any reaction to that and wondered why she cared so much. She said that it was going to make a great news story. She wanted to cover all of the stuff that was going to happen there.
Lisa said that's some Christmas present for her, not having a wedding. That led to Artie asking about the secret Santa thing that Howard was talking about doing this holiday season. Howard said that he's going to call Robin to make sure that they're good to go with the secret Santa thing and not get everyone gifts. Robin wants to stick with it. So does Fred. Howard said that if they want to make that happen, they should do the name picking on the air tomorrow. He told Gary to get that list together so they can pick names.
Lisa said that on this day in 1993 Howard's book ''Private Parts'' was released. That led to Howard talking about how hard it was to write that book and how happy he was with it when it was done. He said that he missed his whole summer the year he was writing it. He said he believed in the book and said it was really cool to have the book in his hands after it was done.
Jessica Hahn called in and said that this article was really big for a People magazine article. She read through some of that and told Howard about how they must have gotten her at this ''Elizabeth'' movie premiere. Jessica was all out of breath so Howard asked her what was going on there. She said that she thought she had someone snooping around her house because her dog was going nuts earlier. She was running around the house looking to see if anyone was there so that's why she was out of breath.
Howard let Jessica go and told her to go find the intruder. He said he likes that she's scared of an intruder but she had to call the show with that People magazine article.
Lisa said they have a new Page 69 segment and this time they have a story about Jason shopping around for a Halloween costume for his dog. Howard said that he doesn't want to hear about Jason and Will in those Page 69 segments. He said you don't read about Richard Johnson in his column. He let Lisa go after that.
Howard asked Artie if he took that Armless Johnny guy with him to his comedy show. Artie said he did bring him up to New Hampshire over the weekend. He also brought JD with him up there and JD was part of the entourage. He said that JD helps him out with some stuff on the road. JD said he was taking care of Armless Johnny by pouring him some beer and stuff.
The Howard TV guys taped this stuff so they showed a shot of Johnny throwing himself into the car they went up to New Hampshire in. Gary said that there was a time when the Howard TV cameraman said it seemed that JD was tired of Johnny and did something kind of sad. Gary showed the clip where Johnny was trying to get on a bar stool and JD just stood there watching him. He eventually tried to help him out but he didn't do it right away.
Artie said that he put Johnny on right before he went out. Johnny did a little more than 5 minutes and looked relaxed on stage. He thought Johnny did really well out there. He said he'd even have him do more shows with him. Howard played some of the tape of Johnny doing his jokes. He told one joke about how he looks like bin Laden after the bomb hit him. Someone from the audience yelled at him to do a cartwheel but the guy has no arms.
JD said that there were some chicks there begging him to make out with them. He said that he didn't want to make out with anyone because he was feeling kind of sick. Howard said that he should have gotten her number at least. JD said that he's never going to be up in New Hampshire again. Artie said that those people will drive down to New York if you tell them to. He went on to say that JD did something kind of funny at the show. He was up on stage and didn't have much to say but then he hears this loud cheer from the crowd. JD told him that he'd told the crowd that the Yankees had lost and that's what got the cheer.
Howard told JD that he should just go out on stage and do that whoop laugh of his instead of doing material. He said that he has to do more than what he claims to do. He said that it sounds like he doesn't do anything at all. Artie said they were supposed to have music playing out there but that didn't happen so he had to tell JD to say something. Howard had to go to break a short time after that discussion.
Howard said that he was listening to Kid Rock's new album, ''Rock and Roll Jesus,'' and he's written a country song about his breakup with Pam Anderson that's pretty revealing. He said that he thinks that there was something that went on with her and Kid Rock where he claims that she had a miscarriage but she ended up partying with some friends and stuff right after it happened.
Howard said that it must have been a pretty bitter break up because in this song of his, Kid claims he has a woman half her age and better looking than her. He played the song ''Half Your Age'' where he sings about this chick being half her age and twice as hot (as Pam). Howard said he has a lot of things to ask Kid about when he gets in there. Gary told him earlier that Kid was running a little late.
Howard said that the album is a rock album but he threw that one country song in there. Howard said he seems to be being nice to Pam. If it was him, he would just call her a cunt. He said he likes Pam, he's just saying that's what he'd say about her. He played Larry Pierce's ''She's a Worthless Cunt'' song right after saying that he'd call her a cunt.
Howard said he should play that song for Kid Rock when he comes in. He said he was trying to get Benjy's attention during the song but he was buried in his food so Artie had to throw something at him. He said it's a good thing that Artie has a good arm. He said he has to figure out a way to get Benjy's attention during stuff like that.
Howard said Gary did get an interview with porn star Devon Lee. He played the tape of that interview where Devon says that she would sleep with OJ. She said that it was never proven that he killed his wife so she wouldn't have a problem with that. She was 50/50 on the subject so Howard and Robin talked about how crazy that sounded. She said that she finds the guy hot and she'd bang him. Garver also asked her if she trusts the Jews. She said that she only trusts some of them.
Kimberly Kane was interviewed next. She's the chick who went out with JD a couple of times. Garver asked her if she's had a lot of new penises after JD. She only said that he was great and didn't bad mouth him. She also said that she would participate in a snuff film, let a dog lick her but wouldn't do an interracial scene. Howard thought that was kind of crazy and said there can never be peace in this world if people think like that.
Garver asked Kimberly what race she refuses to have sex with. She said Persian and also said that she's never fuck OJ Simpson. Howard said that was a redundant question because she said she doesn't do interracial sex scenes earlier in the interview.
Howard had one more interview with a porn star. Garver asked this one questions about banging elderly men. She said that she did one old guy who paid her $15,000 to have sex with her. She also got a $75,000 Mercedes for that. She said she had to do the guy about 5 times and that's what she got for that deal. She also aid that she'd sleep with Hitler for $50,000. Garver asked her what kind of crazy stuff she's had guys ask her to do. She said that there was one scene she was supposed to shoot where her slave was going to eat her shit out of the toilet but she refused to do that. The guys said that there's some crazy shit that guys are into.
Howard said the last time he saw Kid he was out on his wedding tour. Kid said that stuff was fun, it was being married that sucked. Howard noticed that Kid was wearing a WLLZ t-shirt and talked to him about the old stations in Detroit. That WLLZ is gone now but Howard and Kid remembered them.
Howard asked Kid about this song ''Half Your Age'' that he wrote about Pam. He also asked Kid how things went so wrong so quick in the marriage. Kid said that it was about the money. He said that he had the money and she didn't. He said that the worst thing in life is to be famous without money and that's what the problem was. Howard said that's true, she's done some TV shows and stuff and didn't make a lot of money. She didn't even get paid to do the Borat movie according to Kid. He said that even Tommy Lee doesn't have all that much. Artie said that Kid writes his songs so he gets a lot of money for his publishing and stuff.
Kid said that he doesn't want to talk about some of this stuff but he had a joint account set up for he and Pam. He was giving Howard some nods as answers so he wouldn't say anything that could get him in trouble. Howard asked Kid if Pam is worth less than $3 million. Kid only nodded according to Howard.
Howard asked Kid what went wrong. He said that there was some stuff that went on with his family where Pam disrespected his mother. He said that Pam was very vocal about not liking his mother. He said that didn't fly with him. He said that things happened very quickly after that. He said that he ended up getting back together with Pam after someone hooked the two of them up on a boat trip.
Kid said that he can't tell the whole story about what happened with he and Pam but all he could say is that he didn't have a pre-nup when he married Pam. He said that the law in California is that it's a 50/50 split and it's from the point of getting married to when they divorce. He bought a $12 million house at the time and he was also writing this record that just came out and that means she'll probably get some of that.
Howard asked if Pam was as good in bed as a guy would expect. Kid said he imagined a whole family thing going on but it just didn't happen. He said that he had a friend who asked him why he'd get married with the life he has going on now. He said that his friend was right. Kid said that he's got custody of his son and he moved him from Detroit and out to Malibu which was a big change for him. He said that he really was a good sport about the whole thing abut he realized that it was a drastic change for his son. He said he had a huge support system in Detroit.
Kid said that Pam's kids were great but Pam made his son sleep in a different room than her kids because she was afraid that he was going to hurt them or something. He said that she was really insecure about a lot of stuff. Robin wondered why Pam had all of this control and then figured it was just pussy controlling guys as usual.
Howard asked Kid about this Tommy Lee thing that's going on. Kid said that he thinks that it was a jealousy thing with Tommy. He said that Tommy is like a thorn in his side. He said he actually feels for Tommy as far as the kid thing goes with Pam.
Howard said that Kid was at the MTV Awards show recently and Tommy Lee picked a fight with him. Kid came back to his table after going to the bathroom and Tommy was sitting in his chair. He said that he went right up to Tommy and popped him in the face. He said that he didn't know why Tommy was there near his chair at all. He said he was just there at the show to promote his record, he doesn't know why Tommy was there. Tommy isn't in a band and he's 45 years old so he's not sure why he's going to these award shows.
Howard asked Kid about sex with Pam. Kid said that it was good but Howard wanted details. Kid didn't want to go there with him because he doesn't kiss and tell. Kid said that he didn't like that Pam called Howard first after they broke up. Howard said that she told him a story about going to the Borat movie and Kid freaking out about the stuff she did in it. Kid said that she made herself look so bad when she came up with that story because everyone who knows them knows that it wasn't true.
Howard asked Kid if he'd do Pam again if he had the chance. Kid said he's over that and that will not happen again. Kid said that she was like a hot stove that he wanted to touch and he touched it. That led to Kid talking about how he's moved on and took a hot chick to the Yankee game last night. It turns out her name is Krista Ayne and she was on the cover of Rolling Stone with him.
Howard asked Kid more about this Tommy Lee thing and what happened with the fight. Kid said that he's up on charges and he's really hoping that he doesn't get any jail time for that. He said that Tommy was sitting there in his chair and he went over and told him to get the fuck out of it. He didn't say what he did next, he reenacted the scene for Howard and Howard described it as a punch in the face. Kid mumbled some stuff and said that Tommy waited until he was held back before he tried to come back at him.
Howard said that this guy Jeff Beecher wants to give them $5 million to fight. Kid Rock said that he wants $250,000 to sit down and talk to Beecher about this fight before he'll agree to it. He said that he would fight Tommy for free in an alley. He doesn't want to make a fool out of himself on TV. He said that he has a 14 year old son who has to deal with this stuff at school so he doesn't want to do things like that. He said that he wants to call Tommy and tell him that this is all over, that's all he wants to do.
Kid said that he actually did a song with Tommy on his first album. They used to be friendly with each other. He said he asked Tommy to be in his video for ''Bawitdaba'' and Tommy agreed to do it. He said that he had agreed to do it but then backed out after claiming that there was too much traffic on the way to the shoot. He said that he wrote a song for his album and that's the kind of treatment he got from the guy.
Howard said that Kid got text messages from Tommy where he told him that he was a bitch and no one wanted to be with him.
Howard had Jeff Beecher on the phone and he said that he has $5 million guaranteed for the winner of the fight. Kid said he won't talk to him unless he gives him the $250,000 he asked for. Jeff said that Tommy is up for the fight but Kid won't even talk to him. Howard said that Kid had taken his headphones off and that meant that his microphone was off. He had to let Jeff go because of that.
Howard said that Kid has this new album out called ''Rock and Roll Jesus.''
Howard said he was kind of surprised about this Hepatitis C thing. He said that Kid must have been scared from that. Kid said that he's fuckin stupid and he did a stupid thing. He said that she actually threw him under the bus with that story and put out a press release after she'd kept it so quiet for so long. He said that he went on a TV show one day and didn't know that she had put out this press release the day before. He said that they brought it up during an interview and he kept denying it not knowing that she'd put that out. He thought she was nuts after that happened.
Kid talked about how he was sent to anger management one time after he slapped a kid around at a show. He said that he went to the meeting and the woman said that he really didn't seem like an angry guy. He said that he figured he should have been sent to AA because he knows he has a problem drinking.
Howard asked Kid about banging Pam and what that was like but Kid said that he wasn't going there. He asked Howard if he'd come out and introduce him at his Irving Plaza show tonight. Howard said he can't do that, he goes to bed early. Kid said he's doing the show at like 8 o'clock, it's not that late. Howard said he goes to bed around 8 so he can't. Kid said that show is actually sold out so there are no tickets left for it.
Howard asked Kid about playing for the USO and filled him in that Artie isn't allowed go to because he works for the show. Kid said that he went over there and brought Jesse James with him. He said that he had to list him as his tour manager because they weren't going to let him go over there if he hadn't. Kid said that he called his buddy, Senator Bill Frist, and asked him to help get him over there. Howard said the only way he can get over there is if he enlists. Kid said that if Howard and Artie want to go, he can get them over there.
Howard said that Kid grew up in a wealthy family but he moved to a bad neighborhood and started dealing crack so he could make a living on his own. Kid said that he was smoking crack and working on his music back then. He said that the crack isn't physically addictive so he didn't get hooked on it. He said he snorted heroin a few times but didn't get addicted to that either.
Irish John called in and said he heard great things about the new album. He wondered if he'd ever date Britney Spears. Kid said that he wouldn't. He has no desire to be with her at all. Howard said he would have banged her back in the day when she was hot.
Howard said that Kid seems to be a down to earth normal guy but this guy that Pam married over the weekend is only famous for banging Paris Hilton on tape. He said that's kind of odd and wondered what Kid thinks about that. Kid said that he's just happy to have a new album coming out. Howard asked him why she would do something like that. Kid said that she's really insecure and she does stuff like this. Howard wondered why she'd marry Rick Soloman of all people. Kid said that maybe he's a good guy. Robin said he's not, she's met him. Kid said that he's willing to speculate on the situation but he can only comment on what he knows.
Howard took some more phone calls and one guy asked Kid about this guy Shelton Williams (Hank Williams Jr's son) bad mouthing him. Kid said he's good friend with Hank and he's not sure why the guy was writing stuff about him like that. He said he actually had a talk with Hank and Hank said that nothing will come between them even though stuff has come between other people in his life.
Howard asked Kid if he thinks he could end up in jail because of this Tommy Lee thing. Kid said he doubts it but his manager told him not to say anything dumb on Howard's show that could get charges filed against him. He said that nothing has been filed yet but you never know what could happen.
Howard gave Kid a plug for his web site KidRock.com and then said that his girlfriend actually rode the Sybian in the studio. Kid said he never said that she was his girlfriend. They showed him some shots of her on the Sybian but he didn't have all that much to say about it. He wasn't getting into the whole sex talk thing so Howard moved on to play Kid's new single ''So Hott.''
Howard asked Kid if he writes out the music or if he just plays. Kid said he doesn't write it out, he just knows how to play it. He said he knows how to play chords and stuff but he just learned from being around good players.
Howard asked Kid how they edit out the F-word from his song on regular radio. He said he thinks they just mute it out. Howard asked him what other songs he should play. Kid told him to play ''Amen'' which was another good one. Howard played that and it was Kid playing acoustic guitar. He said he really has to get into guitar playing. He had to ask Robin what Kid was singing about in this song. Robin tried explaining it to Howard but he was done with the interview at that point.
Howard was wrapping up with Kid but Kid asked him for a set of his ''Crucified by the FCC'' box set that Howard had out in the 1990s. Howard said he thinks he can get him a copy. He wrapped up with Kid and gave him a few more plugs before going to break.
Howard said that Crackhead Bob is coming in with some bad news this morning. He came in a short time later and Artie said that he's there on a perfect day because the Jets lost yesterday. Bob is a huge Jets fan and he was kind of bummed out about that.
Howard said that he's saddened by the news he's about to give today. He knew what the announcement was going to be and he was upset by it. He said that Bob started coming on the show back when his book came out. Bob was always first on line. He said that Bob had to stop coming on the show when he met a girl that he was dating. He stopped doing the show back then and had to do what he had to do for himself. Bob came back to the show a couple of years ago and they've been enjoying him on there.
Howard said they called Bob the other day to do some stuff for the show but he told them that he can't do it. They asked Bob to come in to tell them what was going on. Bob said that it's very expensive to live where he lives now and he can't afford to stay in this ''tate'' (state) and moving far, far away. Howard said that Bob says that stuff he's done on the show embarrass him so he doesn't want anything to do with that. Bob said that sometimes it does.
Bob said that he's ''a table'' (disabled) and it's hard for him sometimes. Artie goofed on him a little bit and Bob said he was going to kill him if he kept that up. Gary came in and told Bob to tell everyone where he's moving. Bob said that he's moving to Texas. That word kind of came out clear. He said that he has to leave this house he's in now and he has a ''tend'' (friend) down there that's going to help him out. Howard asked him if he picked Texas because it's the easiest to pronounce. They asked him to say Tennessee or Mississippi. He said See and ''Tippisippi'' which made Artie laugh his ass off. Bob told people not to do Crack after that.
Bob said that Artie is the reason he has to leave. His laughter wasn't helping things out. Howard asked Bob if they're ever going to hear from him again. Bob said that if they want to fly him there, he'll come back. He said that he just can't afford to live in New York anymore. He said that it's going to be hot down there in Texas and he's going to be walking around panting. He made the sounds since he couldn't actually say he'd be panting.
Howard asked Bob if he's going to have his Howard and Robin tattoos removed. Bob said that he's okay with what he's done in the past so they're not going anywhere. Howard took a call from a guy who said that bob really can't leave us, it's too upsetting. He said that he's a part of the show and he was in tears as he was saying all of this. He told Bob he really can't leave. Bob said he's leaving in ''one more week and one more day.''
Artie was still laughing his ass off about the ''Tippisippi'' thing and Bob told him that's the reason he has to leave. He doesn't like him. He said that he really doesn't want to leave, but he has to leave. He said he loves the fans that love him and he's sorry he has to leave.
Bob was trying to say something but had a hard time getting it out so Artie laughed and Howard finished his ''My uh, my uh...'' comment with ''Mya Angelou?'' Bob had never been to Texas before so Howard figured that he might not even like it down there. Bob said he'll be okay out there. He said his friend will help him out down there. Bob said that this friend lived in the same house with him and he thinks that he'll be able to help.
Howard asked Bob if he could say Armadillo. He said something like ''Darmadidlo.'' Mariann from Brooklyn called in to say how upset she was that he was leaving. Howard took a couple of calls like that from fans who didn't want him to leave.
Howard played some clips of the stuff that Bob has done for them over the years. He played him singing ''You're Beautiful'' and the call that Sal and Richard made to G. Gordon Liddy using Crackhead Bob clips. Howard asked Bob what his favorite thing was that he's done on the show. Bob had something but he didn't remember who it was that he'd performed this song with. Howard said his favorite is Bob's prank call to the Chinese food restaurant and played that bit. Artie laughed his ass off as Bob was trying to say won ton soup and chicken chow mein.
Howard played another clip where Bob sang along to a John Mellencamp song. He wasn't singing it karaoke style, he was just singing along to the song. Howard told him they had a lot of great moments on the show with him. There was the time they had Bob as the lead singer of Van Halen in a bit they did. Fred didn't have that one available to play though.
Howard told Bob that he was sad that he was leaving the show and he's always been a loyal fan of the show. He said that it shows he's a man of character. He even puts a tattoo on his arm to show his support of the show. He said that if things don't work out for him down there in Texas, he should come right back. Howard told Bob that it's against the law to own more than 6 dildos down there. Bob said ''I did not know that!'' very clearly. Howard asked Gary if he had a gift they could give him to say goodbye to Bob.
Howard said some stuff to Bob in his own little language and explained that it was him saying that he'll always be a friend to him even if his names are confusing. Gary said that all they had to give away was a Becks Beer branded SIRIUS Stiletto. Howard gave Bob that and gave him $500 courtesy of ManGroomer.com. Artie told him he'd give him two Jets playoff tickets too. He said that if the Jets make it into the playoffs, he'll pay for the tickets. He probably won't have to buy those tickets.
Howard played Bob's cover of that ''You're Beautiful'' song again and took another call for a guy who suggested they roast Bob. Howard and the guys don't think Bob would be able to take it. Gary said that Bob ended up storming out of the studio recently when he was up there with Sal and Richard recording something. Bob said that they wanted him to do some gay stuff and he didn't want to do that. He didn't want to pretend he was gay. He won't even pretend to be gay.
Bob said that he's not a homo and kept saying that over and over again. Sal came in and told Howard that they were trying to have Bob make a prank call where he'd ask for a pianist because they knew he'd end up saying penis. Bob caught on and flipped out and walked out of the studio. Richard said they had some audio of Bob freaking out on them when they had him making the prank calls. They were trying to explain to Bob that it was just a prank call. Bob said that he's not gay and didn't want to make any gay phone calls. They let Bob give a little disclaimer where he says he's not gay and he took that seriously and gave a little speech about not being gay.
Howard told Bob that he's going to miss him. Artie told him not to let the door hit him in the ass. Bob said that he has a lot of packing to do. He said he's packed up his TV which made Artie laugh. He said you don't pack up a TV, you have it shipped. Bob said that he's packed up a lot of his stuff and he'll be moving into a bigger apartment down there in Texas.
Bob said that he has to do what he has to do, that's why he's moving to Texas. Artie asked him if he knows how far it is. Bob said that he knows it's far. He said he knows that it's in a different time zone. He said they're one hour behind in Texas. He didn't know just how far away it was though. Howard showed Bob a map and asked him to show where Texas was on the map. Bob got up and went over to the map and actually knew where it was. Howard asked Bob if he knew what state was on the border of Texas. Bob kind of knew and said ''Dokahoma.''
Howard told Bob that Artie might come down to visit him down there sometime. Richard came in real quick and told Howard that he made a CD with 8 phrases that Bob has said so they can find out of Bob can understand himself speaking. The first clip was something about dressing up like Santa Claus but Bob didn't know what he was saying in that clip. Robin knew though. It was actually ''Is it true that you once dressed up like Santa Claus and threw up on the tree?'' Bob had no idea.
Howard played a second clip where Bob says something that no one could get. Bob had no idea what he was saying. Richard said it was ''Do you pretend to like homosexuals in the music business?'' Howard played a third one that Bob claimed to know. Richard said it was ''Is it true you were caught in a hotel room with Howard'' which was kind of close to what Bob said it was.
Howard said his goodbyes to Bob and said that he'll miss him. They played ''Happy Trails'' and both Bob and Howard were singing along to the song as they wrapped up.
Howard said that he may have to have Robin interview the guy about the song. He said that he doesn't know why this guy thinks he's bad for the country. He said that some people think he's good for the country because he makes people laugh. Howard played that opening line and then Fred pointed out some stuff that Merle has done in his life. He pointed out that he's been in jail for robbery, petty larceny and things like that. Howard told Gary to book the guy for the show so he can call the guy a piece of shit.
Jeff the Drunk called in and told Howard that Merle Haggard rules. Artie asked him if anyone from Merle's camp has ever sent him $500 like he has. Jeff said he's never gotten any money from him. Howard said that Kid Rock said that he should be honored that he was even acknowledged in one of his songs. Jeff agreed of course. Howard asked what Merle's best song is. Jeff threw out a bunch of songs that he likes and Fred played one of his songs. Jeff asked if he wanted him to sing along. Of course he didn't. Howard said he wanted to hear Merle sing.
Howard said that the song was horrible, beyond bad. Fred played another one of Merle's hit songs, ''Okie From Muskogee,'' since Jeff had brought that one up. Howard went off on the guy and called him a fuck head and an asshole. Artie made up some lyrics of his own for his song and they were all racist lyrics that seemed to fit the music pretty well.
Howard said that maybe they should stop taking Beet out on the road with them. Shuli said that's what they discussed last night on Miserable Men (Sunday nights 7-9pm on Howard 101). Howard played a clip of Beetlejuice yelling at Sal the Stockbroker about the dirty underwear thing from a show they were doing recently. Shuli said that they asked their producer to take Beetlejuice home when she pulled up next to them after Beet had pissed on the street. She ended up calling him back about 5 minutes later saying that Beet had hopped out of the car and ran off. Shuli had to call 911 but Beet showed up a short time later with a security guard who brought him up for them.
Steve said that they have a story about the Real Doll appearing in a motion picture. He also got in a plug for tonight's Chuck Zito show.
Jon Hein came in and said they'll be talking about Kid Rock's interview on today's Wrap Up Show. They'll also talk about the many other things that went on during today's show. Howard said he saw that Jon hasn't been playing much chess lately. Jon said he's been busy with TV and the baseball playoffs among other things. Howard said that chess is much more important. He let Jon go after that and had Robin start her news.
Robin read through some stories and then Howard took a phone call from a guy who made a couple of requests for some sound effects he hadn't heard lately. He wanted to hear the homeless guy saying ''Uh... Wow!... Good one... yeah.'' so Fred played that quickly. He also wanted to hear Gary singing ''Fly Like an Eagle'' but Howard cut him off and had Robin get back to her news.
Howard said he was running through the channels over the weekend and ran across the movie ''Analyze This'' and said he'd forgotten how funny that movie was. He said it really is a great movie. He quickly talked about that and then had Robin get back to her news.
Bobo called in and asked when the Howard TV episode of Sarah Silverman sniffing Richard's balls is going to be up on Howard TV. Gary checked and said it's already up. Bobo wasn't able to find that one or the Sal and his wife video. They were both up already though. Artie said he likes how Bobo pretends that his whole life isn't dedicated to watching that stuff. He calls in and says he's afraid he's going to get suckered into watching those things.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she'd like to get into the Miss Howard Stern reality show premiere. Howard asked the guys if they were ready to give those away yet. Doug said that maybe she should send in pictures to show if she's hot. Doug said that they will have tickets but they are just days away from giving them away. Doug said that he could get this woman tickets if Howard wants him to. Howard said that they're going to get dressed up for this premiere again. Artie was upset about that because he doesn't have any suits that fit. Howard said that everyone will get dressed up but Artie. Howard said he knows he opened up the flood gates for people to call in about tickets but he doesn't have any to give away at this point.
One of the stories Robin covered was one about an upcoming biopic about rapper Biggie Smalls/Notorious B.I.G. Artie, out of nowhere, started doing an impression of Biggie that was very close to what the guy sounded like. He even had some of the lyrics down and sang some of that for Howard and Robin. They told him that maybe he should try out for the part. Artie said he just knows one of his songs, he was just reciting those lyrics. Howard and Robin thought he was really good though. Artie said he could play the part in black face, he is an actor after all.
Artie stayed in character for the rest of the news and continued to rap and rhyme during the rest of the stories Robin read through. Howard asked if they could put Artie in black face and send him down to the auditions. Artie said he'd do that in a second. He was still in character when Fred played that one song he knew, ''Gimme The Loot.'' Artie knew all of the lyrics and sang along to it as it was playing. He knew it just as well when the song wasn't playing as he did when it was playing. Artie said that song is great, he asked Fred to put it on CD for him.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard tried to end the show around 11:05am. Artie was still in character and doing his impression as Howard was ending it.
Howard started off the show talking about Chuck Zito's show that was on last night. He said that you learn about Chuck and his lifestyle. He said that Chuck is so natural and tells these stories like it's nothing. He said he was listening to some of that show as they were starting the show. He said that Chuck was talking about going to a concert with some of his biker buddies and how he was disrespected when they were there. He played the clip, which was 3 minutes long, saying that Robin had to hear it. He said that all of the guys on the show share the same logic and there's no reasoning with them at all.
Howard said that Chuck talks about threatening to beat the crap out of some dude but he holds off. One of the guys asked him why he didn't do it. He went into the tape a short time later and we hear Chuck talking about going to this Joan Jett and Aerosmith concert with about 9 of his buddies on their motorcycles. They park near the busses for Aerosmith and Joan Jett and they're told they can't park there. A bunch of security guys come over and ask them to leave. They eventually leave but Chuck asks to talk to Ron Delzner who is a friend of his. Chuck said that the guy decided to be a prick and looked like a jerk-off in front of his friends.
Chuck said he made a phone call and went back and talked to Ron Delzner and then asked to see the guy who threw him out. He tells the guy that he'd knock the fuck out of him if he didn't have such respect for Ron Delzner and his people. They eventually got back into the concert and parked where they wanted to park. One of Chuck's buddies said that he should have knocked the guy out. Chuck said he would have if he wasn't in Delzner's office. He also mentioned that Carmen Electra was there with Joan Jett at the concert.
Howard said that Chuck is a real man. He said you feel like you're listening to Goodfellas or something when you hear that show. Howard took a call from a guy who said that chuck's show is great and he really does tell some great stories.
Howard said he likes that Chuck and his guys can just pull right up by the tour busses, get kicked out and then demand that they be allowed back in. Howard said he'd been told to park by the tour busses and they get kicked out and he doesn't have a second thought about it.
Howard had another clip from Chuck's show where he talks about Vegas and why he loves it. In the clip Chuck talks about Vegas with his on-air co-host who can't even say his real name on the air because of some legal problems. Chuck talks about the one time he was out there in Vegas and got laid 3 times in a 4 hour period. He talks about finding a couple of chicks another time who started making out with each other. He said one of them started blowing him and the other one was sucking his balls. He said they started doing each other and everything was great. He said it was just great to be alive out there.
Howard said they've been to Vegas and it hasn't been that great. Robin said that they have Jeff the Drunk bowling in Howard's room instead of lesbians making out and sucking on him.
In another clip Chuck is asked by a listener what he thinks about Danny Bonaduce and Jonny Fairplay's fight. Chuck said he didn't think Danny was that wrong and he would have done the same thing. Irish John called into that show as well so Howard said that guy is on the air all day long on these shows. He jokingly said that they might have to charge him more for his subscription because he's overusing it. John talked to Chuck about the Danny Bonaduce thing and Chuck said that if you jump on someone, you should be prepared for anything that happens after.
Howard played another clip where Chuck was talking about this hot chick he saw out in Vegas one time and how she was with this old man. He figured that she was a call girl. He ended up taking her back to the guy's hotel room and banged her and then brought her back to the casino and the guy never knew.
In another clip Chuck talks about another hot chick out there in Vegas. He said she looked like Eva Mendes, but an 18 year old Eva Mendes. He started making out with her and brought her back to his room as well. He kept talking about how great Vegas is when he'd tell these stories. Howard told Robin that she might want to fuck Chuck too. He said that if he sticks a finger in you, you're going to wake up. He said Chuck probably doesn't usually do chicks Robin's age but he might make an exception for her.
Howard played another clip where Chuck talked about making a movie a couple of months ago. He met this hot chick who he hooked up with. Howard cut that clip off and said that there's this homeless guy on the street who he sees pretty often and the guy used to yell out ''Mick Jagger! Mick Jagger'' when he'd walk by. Now it's morphed into ''Ugly Mick Jagger!'' when he walks by. He said that if Chuck was with him when he did that, he's sure that Chuck would take care of him. He said that guy sucks and if he were Chuck, he'd crack the guy one.
Howard got back to the Chuck clip where he's talking about this chick he met on a movie. He said he told her she was ''smokin'' and she said that she doesn't smoke. Chuck had to explain to her what he was saying. He eventually met up with her at her house and banged her. Howard said he likes how Chuck gets right to the sex stuff and doesn't waste any time with anything else. In the clip Chuck says that the chick told him that he had to fuck her in the ass because she was saving her pussy for her husband. He said that she didn't have to ask him twice and that's what he did. Chuck said he did make sure that it was a chick he was banging by giving her a feel in the front to make sure she had a clit. He said that she was really wet and they had a good time. Chuck's buddy said that he's had some ass before and got some shit on himself. Chuck said that would never happen with him. If it did, he said he'd throw the chick right out the fuckin window.
Howard played another clip where Chuck was asked by a fan about the recent Oscar Delahoya pictures that are floating around right now. Chuck thinks that they were Photoshopped. He said he knows the chick who put them up on her web site and she's a trouble maker. He said that people can make up that kind of stuff pretty easy with Photoshop so he doesn't believe that they're real. He doesn't know that for sure though.
Robin said that they should put Andy and Chuck on a show together. Howard said that Andy would end up being thrown out a window.
Irish john called in and Howard talked about how he wants to have SIRIUS charge him more for his subscription. John talked about how much he listens all day long and it's because Howard has such great shows on the channels. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go.
John had mentioned Scott Ferrall's show which led to Howard talking about how they found out how great the Iron Sheik was when they heard him on Scott's show. Howard was saying that the Sheik is doing comedy shows with Bob Levy and those guys and Sal recorded Sheik being frisked at the airport. He gets frisked every time they go to the airport while the rest of the guys walk right through.
Sal said that Sheik has a hard time getting around because he has a club foot that makes it hard for him to walk. That led to Artie doing his Sheik impression for a short time. Howard played some audio of Sal asking Sheik about Brian Blair and Sheik going off on him for a short time. Howard also played some of Sheik's appearance on Scott's show and a song parody they created form those clips.
Howard said that the Howard TV guys are going to put Sal's clips up on Howard TV sometime soon. Sal said that Sheik and Shuli smoke up a little bit before their shows and Sheik will actually eat his joint when it gets down to the last bit. Sal talked about some of the crazy stuff they do with Sheik at the comedy shows and how they have Shuli getting beaten up by him as a bit. The only problem is that Sheik really hits him with stuff and hurts him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's getting Howard TV hooked up tomorrow and he can't wait to see that stuff. He said that the shows have been great lately too and he's also looking forward to the History of Howard Stern thing in December.
Eric said that's not worse than the Yankees failing. He goofed on Artie about them losing. Artie asked Eric if he's going to be at the A's game tonight. Eric said he didn't expect them to win and went into a whole explanation about the team. Artie wondered how he knows so much about them.
Gary came in and said that George Steinbrenner has spent $1.1 billion trying to win another World Series since the last time they won. He had all kinds of stats about the team and talked to Artie about that stuff for a short time. The guys were wondering if Joe Torre is going to be fired by the end of today. Artie said that he thinks he'll be around until the end of the year. Howard cut the baseball talk short and got back to Eric.
Howard said that Eric had the chance to meet this Diana Degarmo and got stuck at this wedding. He wondered how important it was. Eric said it was a cousin on his mother's side. The guys asked him if he could get out of the whole thing. Eric said that his parents had the keys to the rental car so he couldn't just leave. Gary said that he's like a man-child who has to ask his parents to drive him around. That's the torture he has to go through. Gary said that you'd think that Eric could get out of the whole thing if he just asked a friend to drive him to meet Diana.
Artie was goofing on Eric and saying that his cousin must hate him. Eric said that his cousin said that he was glad he was there. Howard wondered what kind of charity event this was that Diana was doing. Eric said he forwarded the mail to Will if they wanted to read it. Eric said his friend Susan was told about this event. Gary said it sounded kind of shaky to him and it doesn't sound like Eric was invited, it sounds like his friend was.
Howard took a call from Mrs. Degarmo (High Pitch Eric) who said that she didn't send him an invite. He told Eric that he's going to press charges on him. Eric knew that it was High Pitch but High Pitch kept saying ''Who's High Pitch?'' Howard let him go a short time later.
Gary said that he was looking at the invitation that Eric forwarded to them and there was no personal note about Eric in it. He was a very generic invitation. Eric said that he sent a note about a text message he got from Brenda (Diana's mom) where he's told that she invited him to the event. Gary said it still seemed a little thin and didn't look like a personal invitation.
Howard told Eric that maybe next time he'll get to meet her. Eric said that maybe next time the Yankees have the chance at getting into the World Series he'll get that chance. Howard took a call from a guy who said that he loves Eric and kept telling him that. All Eric could come up with was a ''No thank you'' for the guy. Howard let Eric go after that.
Howard said that Chris from Howard TV shot the show out there. He came in and said that there's not much there in the apartment and it may only last about 5 minutes. He said that there are some druggies living in the building and it's just a creepy environment. He said the nicest thing in the apartment is his SIRIUS satellite radio. He doesn't have any plants or anything. His bathroom was clean and Gary said that he cleans it himself. Artie figured that he throws shit around in the apartment but Gary said he doesn't do that.
Howard asked Chris if Gary can cook stuff. Chris said that he has a freezer full of Hot Pockets and a lot of water. That's about all he has. Artie was goofing on him about that but Gary kept telling him he wasn't talking to him, as he was talking to him.
Chris said that it was like something out of a movie when he went to the apartment. He said that there seems to be a big mental health problem in that building. He said there were at least half a dozen people who were mentally retarded there. They spent a few more minutes talking to Gary before they had to get going.
Gary came in and told Howard that they have Riley Martin out there this morning and the fireworks have already started. He didn't have a photo ID to get into he building so Ronnie had to go down and vouch for him. They made that happen but then Riley started going off on the Hispanic woman down there for taking the word of a white man over the word of a black man. That had nothing to do with him of course, it's just their policy not to let anyone in that doesn't have a photo ID. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard moved on to Riley Martin who was there to promote his show a little bit. He said that it's probably going to be the same old bullshit with Riley and his alien stories. Riley was wearing a big hat when he came in. Howard said it was some kind of Shamen hat or something like that. Riley was also walking with a cane so Howard asked him about that. Riley said that he has a gimp leg and he's had that all along. He started right in with the money he's making there at SIRIUS and how he was hoping to make enough to fix the leg. Howard told him not to get started on that stuff.
Robin asked Riley why he's wearing women's jewelry. He said that it was not a woman's necklace, and he'd like to take them outside and show them that he's not a woman.
Howard said that Riley is there to promote his radio show that airs at midnight tonight. Riley was also there to celebrate the millennium edition of his book ''The Coming of Tan.'' He's released an audio book now and Howard had some clips to play. He played a clip where Riley was talking about women that he's banged and how they've gotten younger looking after he's done that.
Riley told Robin that she should give him a try and find out for herself if this is true. Howard said that Riley claiming that his semen making a woman younger is kind of a crazy thing to say. Riley said that he thinks that he has gained something being out in space with the aliens. Robin asked Riley why it doesn't do him any good then. He said that he doesn't have anyone who loves him like he loves people so that's why he doesn't get any younger. He also threw in another dig at his low pay there at SIRIUS when he was talking about that.
Howard asked Riley to give him some of that cum on his face so he can get rid of those laugh lines he has on his face. Riley told him he can't help him and he might want to go to an airport bathroom and have someone there do that to him.
Howard told Riley that he appreciates the kind of work he does on his show. Riley said that it would be nice if they gave him some kind of advertisement for his show once in a while. Howard said they do but Riley doesn't think that's the case.
Riley got in a plug for his book and said you can get that through his web site RileyMartin.com. Howard played some more audio clips from his audio book and said he can't wait to get his own copy of that.
Howard asked Riley why he doesn't bring some ID with him to get into the building. Riley said that they always have new security down there in the building and they give him a hard time. He said that he doesn't drive and doesn't have a photo ID when he comes there. He said he's going to get something so he doesn't have this problem in the future though.
Howard said that Riley's co-host, Eron, thinks that Riley drinks too much. Riley wasn't aware of that. Howard had the guys bring Eron in so they could talk to him. Riley told Howard that he's signed on with someone from Broadcaster.com and he wanted him to meet him as well. Howard aids he didn't have time to meet his whole entourage today.
Eron came in and said that he thought he could talk to Riley about this stuff but he really can't. Howard asked Riley about what had happened to his wife recently so Riley said that he was celebrating the signing of this new contract with Broadcaster.com one night and he got upset with his wife. He was joking around about defending Howard and his crew. He got back to the discussion about this new contract he has to do some broadcasting with this new company.
Howard tried to get back to this restraining order that Riley's wife had against him. Riley said he was being driven around by a cop when he asked to be brought to the bank to cash his SIRIUS Satellite Radio check. He was dropped off and the bank teller ended up showing his check around to everyone at the bank who laughed at it. He said that he asked to be paid in quarters and dimes and was embarrassed by the whole thing. Riley was laughing his ass off as he was telling this story. He said he went back out to the police car and got in there but the cop asked him to get out. He said that he was told that he doesn't make enough to be a criminal.
Howard asked Riley to stop with this goofy story of his but Riley kept going and claimed that's what happened to him. He didn't seem to want to get into this restraining order thing. Howard asked him how he can have a restraining order against him and live in the same house. Riley said that he never did anything violent. Howard said he wants to know how that happens. Riley said that kind of thing happens all the time. Howard said he's never had a restraining order against him in his life. Riley said this is the first one for him.
Riley said that he may have gotten out of hand yelling at his wife but he would never have a physical fight with her. He said that he can become abrasive with people when he drinks but he didn't break anything and he didn't hit anyone. He said that she may have called the cops and told them about him getting a little out of hand.
Howard suggested that maybe Riley wants to move his show over to this new web site he's talking about so he doesn't have to deal with them anymore. Riley said he wants to continue doing his show there, he doesn't want to leave.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that there are many types of orders of protection that Riley's wife could have had against him. He went through the list but Riley said that it was dropped completely and he has no worries now.
Howard gave Riley some more plugs for his web site and the Broadcaster.com web site. Riley is going to be doing a webcast on there starting on Thursday night. The show will be called Down To Earth with Riley Martin. They want him to do a different type of show than he's doing on SIRIUS. They'll be talking about news and a bunch of different things. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard played more of Ann and Donny talking and she denied saying things that she said to him just minutes before. She was going on and on about her bullshit and Howard said he'd like to throw her out a window like Chuck Zito said. She was on that show promoting her new book and Robin said she can't imagine that anyone would buy the book.
Howard said he wanted to ask Dee about this letter they all got from him saying he was only going to be checking his e-mail once a day. Howard thought it was kind of funny and wondered why he can't check it more than once a day. Dee says that he's got an e-mail monkey on his back and he has to cut back on it.
Dee said that people realized that he was checking his mail so often that they found another way to contact him constantly. He said he had to cut back on that so he sent out this mass e-mail saying that he was cutting back. That led to Howard writing to him and finding him checking his mail twice in one day. Howard said he got a response from him within 3 seconds so he knew that he was checking it more than once a day.
Howard said he read a book on organization that really helped him. He told Dee that he needs a day planner and suggested this Franklin Covey web site that he uses. He told Dee about the book he writes all of his stuff in and explained how he doesn't spend all day checking e-mail. He said that you can make a blueprint for your life and you feel like you're much more in control.
Robin said that she sends out e-mail and people will respond to it immediately. She's shocked by that. Dee said that he just sent this e-mail out as a courtesy. He wanted to explain himself but Howard was asking him when he's checking it. Dee said there's no official time. He said he checks it once at some point in the morning and then tries not to check it the rest of the day.
Howard asked Dee if his life has gotten better now that he's cut back on the e-mail. Dee said that he was able to finish his screenplay because of it. He said he's been working on it for a year and now he's done with it because of cutting back on the mail. He said that he wasn't going to check his mail yesterday late in the day because he knew that he'd get stuck in the mail. Then he had to check for something else and saw that he had two from Howard and one from Gary in there. He had to read them and one of them was Howard saying that he'd been on twice that day.
Dee said that a lot of people were writing to him and telling him to go for it and avoid the mail. Howard wrapped up with Dee a short time later after Dee got in a plug for his Fangoria Radio show that airs Friday nights on SIRIUS 102 at 10pm. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said that even when he and Dee had a falling out, Dee's wife wanted to stay in touch. He said that they've always been friends with Suzette no matter what happens. Howard said he told her he had no problem with her after that falling out.
Robin wondered if it's possible that ABC is serious that they're going to replace Curtis and Kuby with Imus. Howard said if he were them, he'd be pissed. They got higher ratings than Imus and they're being replaced by him. Howard said that Imus has this lucky star over his head and he has all of this success without any ratings. He read that Imus got $20 million from CBS to get out of his contract. Robin said she can't believe that. She said she'll have to throw herself out of the window if that's true.
Howard said that he could tell that David Hinkley wrote the article because he was talking up Imus as a revolutionary radio guy. Howard said Imus was doing Moby Worm when he met him on NBC and there was noting revolutionary going on there. Howard said he can't imagine wanting to renew a contract when you have 20 million in the bank and no ratings.
Melrose Larry Green called in so Howard said that he saw an author being interviewed recently about being saved on stage by Melrose Larry Green. He was being physically attacked on stage and Melrose saved him. Howard played the clip where this author is talking about Melrose saving him by tackling the guys who were attacking him. He mentioned that Melrose used to be on the Howard Stern Show.
Melrose said that he's a big fan of David Horowitz and he goes to all of his appearances. He was also telling Howard that he's a fan of Ann Coulter's. He said that he loves Howard but he also likes Ann. He said that she's just a satirist and he thinks that she's trying to be Howard.
Melrose said that Kendra Jade is married to this guy Lucas Rossi from that band Supernova. Howard sounded a little surprised by that but let Melrose go right after that.
Howard got back to the Imus thing and talked about how bizarre it is that they're replacing guys who got much higher ratings than Imus did with Imus. He said that his show is not fun or funny and he doesn't get it. He said that maybe Fahrid Suleman got a good deal with Imus and hired him cheap. He's really not sure.
Robin said she'd like to know what they were arguing about. Howard said that they're the opposite there. They argue on the air and pretend to be nice off the air during the breaks. Howard said he wonders how that tape got out because it was something off the air that was recorded. Whoever put that out there could easily lose his job if they found out he'd put it on the internet.
Howard had another audio clip of this guy Mike Gundy having a meltdown. He's a coach out in Oklahoma and he was upset about the paper criticizing one of his team members. In the clip the guy says that he wants to talk about this article because 3/4 of it is incorrect. He said that he was embarrassed by the article and it had to have been written by someone who doesn't have a child. He said that this kid is just a student that didn't deserve to be ridiculed in this article he'd read. He was yelling at the press during this thing.
Howard said that guy is out of his mind. This is a college team that he's talking about and it's not some little kid that he's talking about.
Howard played another clip off the internet where Goose Gossage was going nuts on the press one time. He was yelling at them and calling them dumb motherfuckers and cocksuckers and stuff like that. He also had one of Brett Myers going off on a reporter. He quickly played that one where Brett says that the reporter is a fuckin retard and tells him to get lost. He chases him out of the locker room after that.
Jessica Hahn called in and said that those two newscasters that he played earlier are known to be very conservative there in L.A. She said that they'll talk about Howard and Robin saying that they're all conservative and Christian and then Howard plays this clip and it's shocking. Howard cut her off and let her go a short time later.
Howard asked Siobhan what she wanted. She said that she knows that they had money for Sal and Christine to do their segment. She asked to be paid for her segment. Howard gave her a quick ''No!'' and told her that there's no reason to pay her on the show. They talked about how they hooked her up with a couple of guys who wanted to fuck her and that should be enough. Howard said that she's looking for air time, Christine wasn't, they paid her to get her to come on the show.
Howard said that they had to offer money to the guy who wanted to bang Siobhan. Siobhan said that they could afford to pay Sal and Christine to come in there but they can't pay her. Howard said that they pay the employees there and they don't pay all of their guests to come in. Siobhan said that they benefited from the segment that she did so she should get paid. Howard said that she called him and asked to have him find someone to fuck her. She said that she was looking for a boyfriend, not just someone to fuck her. Howard said that's up to her, he can only look for these people.
Siobhan said that Howard was trying to wiggle out of this whole thing. He didn't know what she was talking about, he wasn't trying to wiggle out of anything. He told Siobhan that he has no desire to pay her to do anything. He told her that if she doesn't like not getting paid, then don't do it. Siobhan said that she'd like them to ask, on her behalf, the sponsors who benefited from her appearance to pay her. She said that she wants to get paid for her previous appearance. Gary said that things don't work like that. He told her that she asked them to find someone to have sex with her and that's what they did. They didn't ask her to come on the air, it was her idea.
Siobhan said that the show benefited from her appearance and it was thanks to her brother that the operation was done on her so he needs the money. Howard said that he's not paying anyone to do anything for the show. The sponsors will come up with some money once in a while and sponsor a segment. Gary told Siobhan to go out and get a job and work for her money. She said that she is working and then told Gary to come and swap lives with her. Gary told her that she created the life she has. She fucked it up and now she's blaming it on other people.
Howard said that Siobhan is in big trouble. Gary said that she's got to Sheetrock her apartment and her rent is being doubled. Gary didn't know how that could happen if she was a squatter. Siobhan said that she broke her back working on that building. She now has degenerative arthritis and she can't do construction or moving jobs anymore. Howard asked her what she wants from him. She said that she's fucked. Robin wondered how that became their fault.
Howard told Siobhan that they didn't borrow the money from her brother, she did. She said that she shows up for them whenever they want her to. Howard told her that she doesn't have to show up, that's up to her. They don't have a job for her there. She said that she'd like a job there, maybe something in sales or something like that.
Howard told Siobhan that he's going to do her a big favor. He asked her if she can walk. She said she can barely walk so Howard told her to just get a job walking dogs. She said she can't do that because of her back. Howard told her that she can't work then.
Gary said that there are a lot of jobs out there that she could do working from her home. She said she needs health insurance though and needs a real job. Siobhan was still talking about that Sal and Christine bit but Howard told her he can't do anything about that now. if they have a sponsor in the future who wants to pay her, they'll contact her.
Siobhan started to say that if anyone wants to give her money, they can send it to Gary. Gary cut her off and told her not to have anyone send it there. Siobhan said that they can send it to her PO box then. She said that anyone who wants to send her money can send it to her at PO Box 20801, New York, NY 10009. She said to make it out to cash or to Pet Girlz so she can send the money to her brother.
Siobhan was getting all upset about the money she had to borrow from her brother and how upset she is that her brother could lose his house because of it. She said that she can't make that kind of money to pay her brother back and it really sucks. She said that she tried to get her brother to do a 10 year loan but he did a 5 year loan and now he can't pay it. She said that she could have afforded it if it was 10 years but now she's screwed.
Howard told Siobhan that if she can't afford to do all of this stuff, maybe she shouldn't be living in the city. She said that she can't afford to move. She said that she's never taken out loans in her life and that's how she's managed to keep her head above water. She said she doesn't want any hard feelings over this. Howard said there are none, he knows she's at her wits end.
Gary said that they always talk about what criteria they have for Wack Pack members and one of those thing should be ''Can't or won't work'' because that seems to fit. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard asked Jay about where he goes shopping. Jay said that he goes to this guy who helps him pick out what to buy. Howard wondered if he really cares that much about how he looks. Jay said that he does. He also talked about how great his life and career have been but he's been motivated by people like Howard Stern and others. Howard told Jay that he was actually jealous of Jay when he was younger. He remembers him being on 99X in New York City and how great his show was. He said that he remembered hearing Jay talking about moving to California to do the Mork and Mindy show and how jealous he got about that.
Howard said that he was in college at the time and Jay was light years ahead of him in his career. Jay said that he listens to his own old tapes and the shows were just awful. Howard said that Jay has had a great career and has done some good TV and movies like ''Mr. Holland's Opus'' and stuff like that.
Jay said that he used to go nuts hearing Howard doing his thing on his radio show talking about all kinds of stuff he couldn't say on his show.
Howard asked Jay if it's a come down for him to do this kids movie that he just did. He said that it looked like he was going to get Oscar's and stuff back in the day but now he's doing kids movies with Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite. Jay said that he didn't get the movie ''American Pie'' but the people that developed that movie did this one that he's in. He said that he started to work on the movie and realized that he plays the father of a kid who is a pimp trying to earn money for college. He said that Tom Arnold plays himself in the movie. He said he didn't even read the script before he did it. He said he stopped reading them years ago. Jay said that he knows that if he gets a script, it's probably going to be shit.
Howard asked Jay if he thought he was going to get into Seinfeld territory with the good career he had going years ago. Jay said that he's really not hard to work with. He said that he was watching this show ''Pushing Daisies'' the other night and it was a piece of shit. He said that the Caveman show is a piece of shit. He said the show that's not a piece of shit is the Larry David show. He said he thinks that he just had his run when he was doing TV and now it's just not working for him now.
Howard asked Jay if he thinks that he could get some good TV shows and movies. Jay said he thinks that he could do that. He said he recently tried to do some radio locally in Philly but he realized that he just wants to talk and not play records.
Jay was goofing on Howard about his height and how he can't be in movies because he's too tall. Howard asked Jay if there's anyone who gets worse movies than him. Jay said that Eddie Munster gets worse stuff than him. Howard asked Jay if he's going to stick with SIRIUS. Jay said he'd like to stay because he does like it there.
Howard asked Jay where he took his acting lessons. Jay said he took classes with this guy who was able to teach him how to emote really well. He told Howard some stories about how this guy worked and was able to get people to do wild things on stage. He once had a woman masturbating on stage as part of the training.
Jay also talked about doing this class with this really ugly chick but ended up banging her that night anyway. He said that he saw her like a year later after she had her braces taken off and she looked great. He said that acting classes were really odd.
Howard said he heard that Jay was actually pulling for the hurricane in New Orleans. Jay talked about how some people down there think that the white people blew up the levees there to flood the town during that hurricane. He said that it was a horrible thing that happened down there but no one was blowing up any levees there. He said he went down there and fixed up his house there and realized that the homes that were washed away weren't all that great looking to begin with so he's not that sad to see them go.
Jay said that a lot of the criminals are gone from the area down there and he thinks that they should just leave things the way they are now. He said that they should just let the remaining criminals do whatever they want to each other. He said that his place down there is really nice and he lives in a good area so he's happy.
Jay told a story about wanting to go see The Police do a concert. He was going to take the kids when he found out that his son's friend was Stuart Copeland's son. He figured he could get the kid to introduce him to the band but even the kid didn't want to do that for him. He said that he doesn't have a lot of pull with the kids because he's not that big of a star these days. He is in one movie that they like though and that gives him a little pull.
Jay said that he sometimes gets mistaken for Tim Allen and he's not sure where that comes from. Howard gave Jay some plugs for his radio show and also said that he's doing a voice in the TV show ''American Dad'' which is going to be a regular part for him. He said that he plays a right wing atheist in the show and he's doing his own voice for the part.
Howard asked Jay if he has to do the show in a studio with the other actors. Jay said that he does the stuff himself and he's not sure if they're doing it that way because of him or not. He said that sometimes they do have all of the actors in the same studio recording.
Jay was talking about what a piece of crap this caveman TV show is. He said that he tuned in to check it out and instead of seeing guys humping women and scratching their balls, he sees a couple of guys sitting in a bar wearing ties. He said that if he and Howard did that show, they'd have those guys sniffing women's asses. Jay also complained about the movie Knocked UP and how they pussied out with some of the stuff they did in that movie. Howard said that he'll check out that American Dad show since Jay was saying that they're not afraid to hold back.
Howard talked to Jay about his appearance on Larry King and how he got into some trouble for the comments he had about New Orleans. Jay said that Larry was kind of shocked by the stuff he said and it seemed like he was upset that he had to respond to his comments.
Howard said that Jay seems to be losing a lot of his hair even since the last time he saw him. Jay said that he may cut it really short even though he thinks that bald people look very odd. Howard told him that he looks good the way he is now.
Howard took some phone calls and one guy asked Jay why he has Shuli on his show. Jay said that Shuli and this woman Madison are great. He said that there's a lot of talent there in that building and that's why he has them on his show. Howard gave him another plug for his radio show that airs in the afternoons on SIRIUS 102. He went to break after that.
Robin asked Howard if he's seen Britney Spears' latest video. Howard said he hasn't but ended up talking about what a mess that girl is going to be. She's only 25 now and she's got a lot of years ahead of her.
Captain Janks called in and told Howard that he was driving his truck the other day and his front tire flew off while he was doing about 70 on the highway. He said the truck bounced sideways and he saw sparks and stuff. He said that rush hour hadn't started yet but he ended up in the other lane and managed to get it off into the median before he was hit. He said that if it was rush hour, he would have been hit.
Janks said he was able to slam on the emergency brake to come to a stop. He said that if he had gone just another 1/4 of a mile, he would have been on a bridge. If that had happened, he could have ended up going over the bridge. Howard said Janks was lucky enough to have lived through that. They're having Janks up there on the 24th of this month so luckily he lived through it and will be there. Howard wondered if this was sabotage but Janks told him that it's a 20 year old truck and it wasn't sabotage.
Artie said that he's started working on his book already. He said he's finished about 1/2 a page so far. Steve said that they have a story about Scott Farrell's new child and how he was in the room and on the air as his wife was having her baby. Steve also talked about some of the stuff they have coming up on Howard Stern History.
Steve mentioned one story about Beth doing a special thing for Yahoo (The 9) yesterday and said that there are apparently a lot of people who watch that stuff. He had Steve finish up his news preview and then had Jon Hein come in with his stuff.
Jon Hein said that on today's Wrap Up Show they'll be talking about Riley Martin's visit today and also about Siobhan's call and many other things. Howard had Robin get to her news after that.
Robin read through a couple of stories and then Howard took a call from a woman, Daphne, who said that she has a thing for Benjy and she's not sure what it is. Howard asked her if she was good looking. She said that she is but Howard said her voice didn't make her sound good looking. She said that she's 36 years old. Howard said that she was kind of annoying and so was Benjy so both of them were annoying. Gary said that she has an annoying cadence to her voice too.
Howard asked her to describe herself and she said that she's an escort and 5'9'' tall. She said she's her own escort and doesn't work for a service. Benjy was getting the feeling that she wasn't a woman and it might be a guy. She said that she's hear own boss so she controls the kind of money she makes. She said that she gets paid $400 an hour and Benjy said she has to be extremely hot to make that kind of money in New York.
Benjy asked her if she knew how often her period came. She said that it was 28 days. Benjy wanted to check out her pictures so Howard put her on hold so they could get her information. She didn't want to give out her web site on the air.
Howard asked Benjy if he could ever date an escort. Benjy said he's not sure he could do that. Artie said that he'd have some issues with something like that. Benjy didn't seem to have a big problem with it because he was considering going out with her.
Gary came back in a short time later and said that you can't really see her face in the pictures. He showed the pictures and she did have a good body. Howard said that she could lose about 10 pounds. Benjy said he can't believe that it's her body. He said that she's got a beautiful body. She said that it's all real and she's had no work done on her. Howard told her she'd be really hot if she lost a few pounds.
Gary said that's all they have of her right now. She likes to keep her anonymity. She said she doesn't do that all the time, she works as a copy editor. Benjy said he'd take her number and check her out. Howard said he has to report back about it if he does go out with her. Daphne said she just wants to keep her anonymity.
Benjy asked what it is about him that interests her. She said she likes his sense of humor and his voice on the air. Gary came back with some feedback that he'd read about her on this web site. One guy said that she was the best looking woman in the lobby of the hotel when he went down to meet her.
Gary said that the guys do complain about her being late in the feedback on that site. She said that's true, she does show up late. She said that she might do two guys a week or so to make some money. She doesn't do it a lot. Gary read through even more of the feedback and found one guy who was saying that she doesn't seem to know the word ''no.''
Daphne said that she was naked as she was talking to them. Howard told her to put some underwear on. Benjy said that he'd go to meet her after the show with the Howard TV cameras. She said she didn't want to have cameras there. Howard told Benjy to just go meet her alone. Benjy said he'd give her a call after the show and set something up with her.
Another woman called in and said that this woman is full of shit. She said that if she's a copy editor then why would she do this? Benjy said that it's not that unusual for someone living in New York. Benjy said that the whore thing would be kind of a stigma with his family if he dates her. Howard had to let her go so he put her on hold and told her that they'd give Benjy her number.
Howard had Robin finish up her news. He wanted Artie to get out of there and go to sleep. He was getting tired just looking at him. Artie said that he had to take his Subutex today because he has a TV commercial to shoot today and also do a private comedy show tonight. He doesn't know how he gets wrapped up in these things. He said he's doing a favor for someone to do the comedy show and he doesn't know why he agreed to do it. He sounded completely wiped out when he was talking to Howard about that stuff.
Howard asked Artie what he would pay to give up that show tonight. Artie aids that he'd pay the guy ten grand to get out of it. Howard told him he should call and ask them if he can get out of it. Artie said that he can't do that because it's a cancer charity thing. He also said that he was told that it was going to be all adults so he could do his R-rated material. Then three days ago he found out that there are going to be kids there so he has to rewrite the whole act. Those are the reasons he has to take Subutex today. Howard wrapped up the show a short time later, right around 10:55am.
Howard started off the show talking about how he wasn't on the air because of some technical problems. They thought they still weren't on the air but Gary told Howard they were working on it. Howard jokingly said that his contract says that if he's not on the air for 3 seconds, he can go home. Howard said that they had some issues with their studio and the Joe Walsh song was an emergency backup clip that plays.
Robin said that she heard that Oprah had Martha Stewart's daughter on her show the other day and she refused to say the word ''SIRIUS'' when she was plugging her radio show.
Howard said that they were broadcasting earlier but everything that they were talking about didn't make it out on the air. Howard joked that Robin had taken out her tits.
Howard played a clip of this Yankees announcer Suzyn Waldman who was talking about Roger Clemens coming back and her voice was just cutting right through him. Artie said that he hates to say it but she really is annoying. Howard played more of that audio and she had this strange voice with the Boston accent and it was very annoying.
Howard said that Artie was on The Best Damn Sports Show recently and they cut out some of his comments about Suzyn Waldman and they cut it out of the show. Artie said that he told the guy who he was talking to that he'd won a Suzyn Waldman look alike contest and the guy looked at him and said there was a resemblance.
Howard played more audio of Suzyn talking about the Yankees losing and breaking down and crying as she was talking about them. Howard talked about how Artie has season tickets for the Yankees and he can sell them if the Yanks get into the World Series. Artie cut Howard off and said that he only sells them to friends, he doesn't sell them like a scalper would. They talked about how great the seats are and how they've gotten Artie laid before. Artie said that his seats are like beach front property.
Artie talked about how he got into a little trouble when he bad mouthed Elliot Gould on a flight. He said he saw that Elliot needed everything done for him when he saw him at the airport. Artie called his buddy on the phone and told him about Gould and how he has a fag kid and stuff like that. Then he realized that Elliot was right behind him and heard everything he was saying about him. Artie said the guy looked like he wanted to strangle the life out of him when he heard him.
Howard told Robin that she really has to tone it down when she's flying. Robin said that the planes have gotten quieter these days so that's a problem. She said that she ended up being seated right next to Joan without even knowing it. They flew out to California together. They did their own thing after a while though, they didn't talk the whole time. Howard said he hates when he gets stuck next to someone who wants to talk the whole time.
Howard got stuck on a plane with Gary one time and had to listen to him talk the whole time. He upgraded Gary from coach to first class so he could talk to him. He said he was out doing the Arsenio Hall show and ended up getting kicked off of his show so he had to fly out of there. He was so traumatized by the whole thing that he had to have Gary sit with him. The guys talked about some of the crazy stuff that Howard had said to Arsenio that got him kicked off the show.
Gary said that he had a cousin who lived out in L.A. at the time and she didn't know much about Howard at the time. She was invited to the audience and got to see all of this go down. He said that his cousin spoke after it and it was very uncomfortable when she said that Howard was ''interesting'' after the whole thing happened.
Howard got back to his story about having Gary sit next to him. He said that Gary was really tired and ended up falling asleep on the flight back. He woke up half way through the flight and started smacking his choppers asking for some orange juice to wet his mouth. Howard was doing his impression of Gary sucking his teeth and then falling back asleep. He said he had to wake him up when they landed in New York.
Gary said that he remembers falling asleep before they took off and how he's never slept on a flight like that since then. Howard was goofing on Gary as he was discussing the whole thing. He said he didn't know he was going to be sitting next to Booey Van Winkle. He made fun of the sucking of the teeth sound and Robin said she loves when he does that. She was laughing her ass off as he was telling the story. Gary said that he hates this because Robin has to take her glasses off to wipe her eyes from the tears that were rolling down her face. He said that's really humiliating.
Artie said that he had a story about Gary that was similar. He said that Gary was on Ambien at the time. Gary told Howard that he had given Artie one pill too and he took it but it was like shooting an elephant in the toe with a dart, it didn't work on him at all. Artie said that he'll never forget this flight because the movie on the flight was ''Under a Tuscan Sun'' and it was torture. He said that he had Gary sleeping next to him and this awful movie playing. Howard said he liked that movie but he could never watch it on an airplane.
Howard said he's sat next to people who want to talk to him and they just keep talking with bad breath and it's really annoying. Artie said that it's like being stuck in an elevator with someone for six hours. He said that sometimes he talks about these traveling salesmen who tell him that he's the only celebrity that they've ever met.
Robin said that Pink was also on the flight so she said hello to her. Howard said he would have spent time talking to Pink before Joan Rivers. Howard told Gary to stay awake on the plane from now on when he flies with him. He played a Baba Booey song parody for a few seconds after that.
Someone wrote in and suggested that they animate Chuck Zito's radio show where he's talking about throwing women out the window and stuff like that. Howard said that would be funny.
Howard said that some people liked Kid Rock on the show earlier this week but some people hated it. He read through some of that e-mail and said that he thought Kid Rock was a great interview himself.
Siobahn got a lot of negative feedback yesterday. He didn't even want to get into that. He said he thought that Jay Thomas was great on the show and then he reads the feedback and a lot of people didn't like the interview. Some loved it, some hated it. Artie said that it was very entertaining for him and that's why he just sat back and listened. Robin said she thought that Jay might have hated the interview but Howard said he heard that he actually loved it.
Howard said he had a meeting with Tim Sabean yesterday and they were talking about this whole Bubba thing. When he was out in the hall he saw Jay and Jay told him he had a great time. Someone from Jay's show wrote him a note and said that Jay loved it as well so he knows that it was good.
Howard said that Robin took a beating in an e-mail because she was talking about hot air ballooning during her news report and how awful it is. There was some feedback about Riley Martin's appearance on the show and people like that they don't pay him big money there because it keeps Riley on his game.
Howard said that some people wrote in about the ''She's a Worthless Cunt'' song they played yesterday. They wanted to know who sang that song. Howard said it's this guy Larry Pierce who has been on the show. He played the song as they were talking about it. He said you can get his stuff at LarryPierce.com. He said that the musicians on the song are really good and he wonders what they must be thinking when they're performing a song like that. It doesn't get played anywhere but on his show.
Howard played some more of Larry's stuff including ''Will You Swallow My Cum.'' Howard said that you see the guy and you don't think that he'd write something like that. He said the guy looks like he's 100 years old and there's no way he'd be singing about cum and stuff.
Howard read through the story and explained what had happened that night. Robin said she thinks that those guys should be awarded for that appearance since that was a reality TV bit right there. Howard said he didn't think there would be a lawsuit there but he's not a lawyer so he doesn't know.
Howard told Gary to bring in the names so he can pick one. Gary said that they had a list that was near 120 but they cut it down to 75-80 or so. He said that Howard may pick a name that he doesn't even know. He said that someone will know it but he may not. Howard was the first to pick and he pulled out the name Lori Chisholm. Gary said he thinks that's an intern but he's not sure. He found out that she was an intern and told Howard that she'd just won the lottery.
Robin pulled a name from the list and ended up with Howard Stern. Howard said he loves that. Gary said he knows that people are going to say that this is fixed. He told her that she should put that back. She said she doesn't know what she's going to get for him yet since she didn't know who she was going to be buying for. Howard said that she always does a great job picking out a gift though.
Artie was up next and picked Benjy Bronk. Howard said that's weird and people are going to think that they fixed this. Fred picked the name Adam Frederick but no one knew who he was. Gary asked if anyone knew who he was. It turns out he works with the tapes crew who work on Mastertape Theatre. Gary went next and said he picked John Suskevich. He didn't know who he was either. Will said he's the new Howard TV lighting guy.
Benjy picked a name and got Chris Costa from Howard TV. Howard told Scott the Engineer to come in and pick a name so they could see who he was going to get. Scott came in and said that his wife buys the gifts and she does a good job at that. Scott picked Justin Cica-something and Gary said he thinks that he's on the Howard TV crew. Howard had to go to break after that. Gary said he was going to have everyone pick names after that and he'd let Howard know who picked all of them.
Howard said he had Donald Trump on the phone. He got him on and said that he hadn't seen Donald in a long time. Donald said that it had been too long. Howard talked to him about his new baby and how his wife is taking care of all of that. Donald said that he doesn't do anything with the kids, he just throws money at Melania and she does all of the work. Howard asked him if he thinks the kid will grow up and be psychologically damaged. Donald said you never know. He said that the kid came home with a sniffle the other day and he wanted nothing to do with him.
Howard asked Donald about his other kids and asked if he's going to hook up the younger one, Tiffany, with a job. He said that it depends on if she can do something for him. she's getting all A's in her classes now so maybe he'll be able to give her something.
Howard said he thinks that Donald likes his daughter the most out of his older kids. Trump said that he loves them all the same, they're all great. He said that they're all amazing and his son Eric just joined him. Howard didn't know that one so he asked who he came from. Trump said that the 3 oldest kids are from Ivana. Howard said that he would be dating his daughter if he wasn't so in love with Beth. Trump said that would drive him nuts if he dated her.
Trump said that if he wanted to get married faster, he could come up with something that would get him more interested in that. Howard said that he'd better hope that they stay together because he'll go right after his daughter if they break up. Howard said he'd go to all of these events