| Monday | Tuesday |
|
|
| Wednesday | Thursday |
|
|
| Friday | |
|
Howard started off the show talking about how tired he was and then how much they had to do today. They're going to have Sal and his wife talk to Dr. Keith Ablow about their relationship. Sarah Silverman is going to be coming in as well. Howard said that she's very controversial right now.
Howard said that the Mets fans are really upset about them choking over the weekend. He said that they have pictures of little kids crying on the cover of the newspaper. Howard said that maybe they really are gay and he asked Gary about that this morning. Gary went off on him about that so he had to tell him he was kidding.
Gary came in and said that the Mets loss effected his whole weekend. He was out in Las Vegas and said that he didn't think they could suck this long, this often. Scott Ferrall's producer called him and asked to talk to him while they were playing so he did that.
Gary said he was watching a football game on his way home and saw the score of the game in the first inning. It was 7-0 and they were already losing. He talked about watching the Jets losing too and how nothing went right for him yesterday. He's involved in a fantasy football pool and because Pennington sucked, that means his fantasy pool sucks.
Gary said he started listening to the guys on the radio talking about the Mets loss and then got home to have a moment with his son who is also a Mets fan. Howard asked Gary why he raised his son to be a Mets fan because he's always going to be let down. Artie was goofing on Gary a little bit since he's not a Mets fan himself. He said he's been looking forward to this all season.
Gary said that he had playoff tickets ready to buy if the Mets had gone to the playoffs. Artie said that they were up by 7 games with just 17 left but they ended up blowing that. Artie said that they didn't even get a wild card. They blew everything this season. Howard asked Gary what's wrong with that team. Artie interrupted and said there are a lot of worse teams out there. Gary then explained how one of the guys didn't show up for all of September and made errors that you wouldn't believe.
Gary told Howard more about the stuff that went wrong with the Mets and why they failed this season. Howard asked Gary why he didn't teach his son chess instead of having him play football and stuff. Gary said that Howard will never understand that. He said that he never played a team sport when he was growing up. Howard said that he did play softball and basketball with his friends though. Gary said that's not the same as playing organized sports. Gary also said that he never played chess himself. Howard said that it's a very intellectual thing to do and that might be better than playing sports.
Howard and Gary went back and forth on the sports thing and Gary seems to think that Howard will never understand why kids play in organized sports like that. Howard said that he would never put his kids into football because it's so dangerous. He said his friend Dr. Lou has water on the knee from playing football in high school. Robin said that the kids playing football now are coming out of the sport with more injuries than ever.
Artie said that he played football in school and he has friends who played who are banged up pretty good but got out before they got hurt even more. Howard said that his friend Dr. Lou tells him that he wishes he had played games like tennis and stuff like that instead of football. Gary said that he's not sure that his son is going to play football past this year so he can't tell him to stop doing something he enjoys. Howard told Gary that he should encourage him not to play football and maybe suggest something else.
Artie said football is fun to play. Howard agreed but said that it is dangerous and can damage your body. He took a call from a guy who was choking for Gary and the Mets. That guy also asked Robin if she wanted to get in on that because she's goofed on the Mets quite a bit in the past couple of months. Robin didn't want to do it though and told the guy they choked enough on their own.
Howard and Robin talked about how the teams change from year to year. Robin said that it's hard to follow a team that changes so much from year to year. Gary said that's always happened. Artie said that the free agency thing is what pushed it in that direction but that was a natural progression for the sport.
Howard asked if the emotional friend was going to show up and Artie started to do his impression that he was doing last week. He does the emotional friend voice as Henry Hill. He cracks jokes and does his Henry Hill laugh after telling the jokes. Howard had him going for a couple of minutes and Artie had Howard cracking up at the stuff he was saying.
Artie was goofing on some of the stuff that Sal does while his wife stays home and talks to her emotional friend as he was doing this impression. Howard kept him going and figured he had to stop at some point. He was laughing quite a bit during that segment. Howard said that Sal is in his office pasting ''Mets Suck'' signs in Gary's office while that is going on.
The caller that was on the line started to sing the song about Beth that the guy sent in for Howard last week. Howard said he got a lot of feedback about that and people thought he was singing it on his own, they didn't know that it was a song that someone sent in for him to sing. He said they just missed the whole joke.
Howard said the fans loved the ''traction'' bit that they did last week with Sal. He read through some of the feedback about that. He said one guy wrote in and said that he was ''palled'' by what they did to Sal during that segment. He threw in a few other words that he'd cut the first letter from. Howard said the guy put a lot of thought into that one and he had to get that one on the air.
The caller on the line had requested a song so Fred played that for him. It was a song parody using clips of Andrew Dice Clay that was only played on the show one time. The caller also started to sing the song that Howard was singing last week. He knew the lyrics better than Howard did.
The caller also brought up the arguments that Jason was having with Sal last week. Howard said that he got a lot of feedback about that. He read through a couple of those and then some mail about the Wendy the Retard discussions they had last week. The story about her shitting herself in the bowling alley bathroom were great. Howard said that someone suggested that he lay off Jimmy Kimmel and not accuse him of ripping him off. He said that he wasn't saying that Jimmy rips him off. He just said that his show looks like it's been influenced by his show.
Howard said he got a lot of letters about Valentina Vaughn's appearance last week. He read through those and a bunch of them were very positive but then there were some people who thought the whole thing was boring. It was a woman who was talking about how boring it was. She said that Valentina's face was ''busted'' and she wasn't the hottest chick they've had in the studio. There was another person who called her a boring cunt.'' Artie said that she's really one of the most sultry and sexy chicks they've had in there. He said that maybe you just have to be in the same room with her.
Scott said that he used to wake up with boners but not every day. Howard said he wakes up every morning with one. Scott said that he's sure it still works but he hasn't gotten one since the hernia operation. Howard said that maybe they should stick an intern in his studio and maybe that will help him get it up.
Howard did his Scott impression and then told the caller that Scott seems to be doing okay. Scott said that Howard called him last night and he was kind of in shock because he's never really called him. Howard said that Scott seems to be angry at him for calling him. Scott said it's just a shock because in the past 22 years he's never called him like that before. He thought it might have been Sal goofing on him or something.
Ralph said he knows what the writers are saying about Valentina Vaughn not being the hottest chick. He said she's okay but not all that hot. Howard said that they like her so it doesn't matter. He hung up on Ralph and took another call. The caller said that he saw an interview that Beth did and she really seems to love Howard. He also asked if Howard had seen the season premiere of Smallville. Howard said he did and he liked it. Robin said that they have good season premiere's and season finales on that show.
Howard said he's having second thoughts on the Bionic Woman premiere. He said that he will watch it again and check out some more of the show this season. He said that there were some good arguments about the season premiere not being all that great but he did like watching it so he'll watch more.
Artie said that Ralph has officially paid him back the $300 he loaned him. Howard said that Ralph told him that he did that because he liked his emotional friend impression so much.
Robin asked Howard what he thought about the Heroes season premiere. Howard said that he doesn't like the time travel thing and he just doesn't give a shit about that stuff. He said he's hoping that the show doesn't turn into a piece of shit with that story line.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that the reviews for the new Van Halen tour are very positive. Howard said that they are saying it's great and maybe they're tweaking stuff behind the scenes. The caller said that he saw the raw footage of them playing and it was great.
Howard said that the Valentina Vaughn pictures last week crashed his web site and that doesn't happen often. Ralph called back in and said that the Bionic Woman wasn't produced by the same people who did Battlestar Galactica, there's just one guy who worked on that show who produced it. He also said that the Smallville show was really bad this week. He didn't like what they were doing on that show. He told Howard to check out the show ''Life'' but Howard hung up on him in the middle of that.
Howard heard that Artie brought a hot, hot chick to the Bruce concert. Artie said that he has a new friend that's really just a friend. She's engaged to a guy and he's friendly with both. He said he likes walking around with her. Howard figured that out and figures that he probably pretends that she's his girlfriend.
Artie said he met these two at a comedy show and talked about them on the show after that day. He said that she's one of the hottest chicks ever. They were up visiting in the city and Artie took the chick to the concert because the dude was out doing something else.
Howard wanted to talk some sense to Artie. He asked him why he was torturing himself. Artie said he's not but Gary said he thinks he is too. Artie said that he met the chick and her fiancé the same night and that's it. Howard told him that this is like an emotional friend thing. Artie started to do a little of the emotional friend voice and goofed on himself a little bit.
Artie said that it's very complicated because the chick has two kids and they live in Miami. He said that she's not giving him any signals or anything that something could happen. He said that he's friendly with both of them. He said that he did take a picture with her at the concert and just putting his arm around her made him nuts. Howard said he thinks that he's being less than honest about this whole thing.
Howard said that Jim gave some details about their date on Miserable Men last night. He played some of the audio from that show. Robin didn't sound so thrilled about the whole thing. Jim gave a few details about the date and said that it really wasn't that big of a deal.
Howard said that it seems like Robin is hitting on a bunch of people lately and one of them was Gregg from Howard TV. He played a clip of her talking to Gregg out in the hall there and she was suggesting that Gregg ask her out to lunch or dinner. She was laughing as she was saying it and said that she was just playing the diversion game to get him off track. Howard said that she seems to be awakened sexually like he's never seen before. Robin gave him an ''Oh please!'' when he said that.
Howard said that Jerry O'Connell is going to be there tomorrow. Robin said that he just married Rebecca Romijn. Artie said ''No, he's the actor from Sliders!'' in a very effeminate voice. He wondered if he had the show right. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said that he was going through his Christmas list and thinking about how big it's gotten over the years. They used to just give stuff to each other in the studio. He said that Gary came to him and said that he was going nuts just for 21 people. Howard's list has gotten huge over the years and he has to buy for thousands. He said it's not really thousands but it seems like that. Fred said that he's even going nuts over it because the family has grown so big there.
Howard said he has an idea for this holiday season. He said that they all have to agree that Scott the Engineer is off their lists. They all agreed to that. Howard said that they should take everyone, the news department, interns, Scott the Engineer, the office workers, everyone. They take everyone's name, they all pull a name out of the bag and whoever you get, you have to buy for that person. He said that would make things much easier. Artie said that Howard is still going to be fucked though. Howard said he doesn't care because it's gotten out of hand. He said he doesn't know what to buy for everyone anymore and he doesn't want people struggling over what to buy him.
Gary said he already bought something for Howard and now he can move that to his birthday instead. Howard said that they have to stick to this plan and do this secret Santa thing. Howard asked if anyone objected to that. Artie said that the worst scenario is that if Scott the Engineer has to buy a gift for Howard and the person buying for him is JD. Everyone was behind the idea. Gary said he does have some reservations about this but they have to get to the Dr. Keith Ablow thing. Howard said that this is the official thing, everyone gets a gift for one person. He said that there are too many people getting insulted and that has to stop.
Gary asked Howard if he thinks that the Howard 100 News department is going to single Howard out and say that he should be buying everyone something. Howard doesn't care. Robin said that means that she may be buying a gift for someone she doesn't even know. Howard said that's right and that's what everyone should do at work. He said that everyone gets their feelings hurt every year and that has to stop.
Howard had Gary bring in Sal and Christine. He first spoke to Christine about how beautiful she is and how everyone is shocked that Sal got her in the first place. He said that's no bullshit and she knows it. Howard asked Christine about this emotional friend and how they met. She said that they're just friends, but not even that anymore, and that was it. Howard wanted to know more about this friend and what it was that Sal was not doing that drove her to the friend. Sal explained how he was bringing all of his tension from work home with him.
Howard told Christine that he doesn't think that she's in love with him anymore. He said that he believes that she's going to hang in there for the kids and she'd rather run off with some other man. She said that she's in love with him and she wouldn't be there if she wasn't. Howard said he doesn't believe that she enjoys having sex with him and wondered if she thinks about running off with other men.
Howard asked Christine about this 143 (I Love You) thing and how she writes that to a man if she's not fucking him. She said that he was having a bad day and she was trying to cheer him up by letting him know that she really cares about him. She said that they're just friends though. They never met outside of work or anything like that. She swore to god on the life of her children that she never met him outside of work. She said that he has met her kids before because she works with the guy and she has brought them to work with her.
Howard said that she must have realized that she was becoming very close to this guy because she was writing 143 to the guy. She said she never hid the relationship or anything like that but Sal said that's not true. He went through the records and found that she was in contact with him about 30 times a day with him. She used to lock her phone and she'd hide the phone from him so he wouldn't see what she was up to.
Sal said that there were like 30 phone calls a day and they were all to him. Christine said that she talks to a lot of her friends during the day and this wasn't that big of a deal.
Dr. Keith said that this lockdown thing that Sal was talking about is still out there. He said that she was on lockdown with her phone and she seems to be on lockdown with these stories. He asked her if she ever fantasizes about other men. She said earlier she never does so Dr. Keith asked if she really only thinks about Sal. She said ''I guess...'' Dr. Keith said that if you lock yourself down, that will keep you from moving on from where they're at now.
Howard asked Sal about this 30 times a day thing. Sal said that telling someone you love them is really going a little far. Howard agreed and said that the 143 thing would end it for him if he saw Beth doing something like that with another guy. Dr. Keith said he doesn't believe that would end it with Howard and Beth.
Dr. Keith asked Sal what the problems were in the relationship before this emotional friend thing came about. Sal said that Christine would tell him that she was tired of him working all the time and not spending time with her and the kids when he was home. Sal said he was taking her for granted and he saw that and he's tried to be better about that.
Christine said that Sal was trying to be better in the beginning but he's back to being his crabby self these days. Dr. Keith said that Sal seems to be trying to be there for her and he seems to want to keep the marriage going. Sal said ''you better believe it.'' He's still sexually frustrated though. Howard asked Christine about that and she was saying that they can't believe everything that he says. She said that's just his version of this. Howard asked her what her version of it is.
Christine said that Sal was going to strip clubs and peep shows and stuff and doesn't talk about it. She said that he made fun of her on the air for 2 years and it hurt her. Sal said he didn't see that at first but then he saw that he was taking her for granted.
Christine said that her friends are forbidden from telling her about anything that happens on the show by Sal. She said that she doesn't know why they have to hide it from her when she can go on the internet and read about it. She doesn't get why Sal stops her friends from telling her what happened. Sal said that's because what people perceive happening isn't always the way things go down on the show. He said that when he goes home he doesn't want to hear about it and discuss it.
Sal said that he cut the wire for the SIRIUS radio at home because he doesn't want his wife hearing the show. He said that it's entertainment and he doesn't want to discuss what he does when he goes home. This isn't a serious thing he does there and he doesn't want her yelling at him for putting chocolate on his balls and dipping them in someone's mouth. He said he wants to put it away when he goes home and not keep talking about it.
Dr. Ablow asked if Sal would remain at a distance with her when he'd go home. She said he used to come home and go straight to work on the computer. She said she wanted him to spend time with his family instead. She said that it hurt and it was rude to her. Dr. Ablow asked her if this other friend filled a void she had in her life. She said that she has a lot of friends that she talks to and some of them are men. Sal said that there are a bunch of guys who thought that they were that emotional friend when he talked about him on the show. She does talk to a lot of guys but this one friend wasn't the one that Sal knew about.
Dr. Ablow asked Sal if he thinks that Christine is tough to get to emotionally. Sal said that she did seem to shut the doors off to him emotionally and he knows that it's going to take a long time to open them up again. He said he knows that he was to blame to a certain extent but not completely. He said that she seems to think that this is a game to him too. He said that it's very hard for her to open up about this whole thing. He said that she was the one who used to open up to him all the time and now the roles have reversed. He said that he's the one trying to be that way and he's not getting it in return. She started laughing as he was breaking down and almost in tears. Robin asked how she could laugh at a moment like this. Artie said that she's laughing because this is hilarious.
Dr. Ablow said that this isn't one person's fault. He tried digging in and finding out what the root of the problem was. Sal said that she said something to him recently about how she didn't want to be like her parents. Dr. Ablow asked her to talk about that but she didn't want to talk about her parents on the air with so many people listening. Dr. Ablow tried to get her into that but she said she didn't think it was fair for them to talk about her parents without them even knowing about it.
Sal tried to help by talking a little bit about how her parents don't get along all that well now that they've gotten older. Dr. Ablow tried helping and asked her how it felt to grow up in a house where her parents were kind of estranged. He was assuming that's what she was saying. She said that she really never thought that she could stay in a relationship like that if she was in one and that's not what she wants in her life. Dr. Ablow said that this whole thing may have had to have happened for Sal to realize that he still loves her.
Howard asked Christine why she gave up the relationship with that friend if it was so innocent. She said that Sal gave her no choice. She said that she would have liked to have stayed in touch with him because they were friends. She said that anyone who knows Sal would know that if any conversation doesn't pertain to him, he doesn't listen. She said that everyone who knows him knows that's the case. Dr. Ablow said that she picked him though. She should know that's the way he is. He figured that both of them have something in common with their parents being kind of estranged.
Dr. Ablow was asking Sal a question and he threw out a joke about her unzipping his pants. Christine was annoyed by that and said that she hates those little comments. She was very annoyed with those jokes being in her life constantly. Dr. Ablow asked how much arguing was going on in her life as she grew up. She didn't know and said that Sal knows what it was like. Sal tried to explain it so Howard asked Christine if she thinks that this is going to get any better. Christine said ''I don't know, that's the truth.''
Sal said that he heard Christine telling a friend about marriage and how people eventually just settle after going through all of this stuff. Howard asked Christine if she thinks that she'd be with Sal if they didn't have kids. She said ''I don't know.'' She said that she doesn't want that life of two people just co-existing in a house like her parents. Dr. Ablow said that she may have married Sal because she knew that he would do this to her eventually and that's because it's a life she knew already.
Sal said that his wife will go to these friend parties where they sell sex toys and she will never buy anything. Howard asked Christine if she thinks about other men when she masturbates. She said that she never does that. Sal mumbled something about that being bullshit. Howard asked everyone in the studio if they think about other people when they masturbate. Everyone does. Howard said that Christine has to masturbate but she said that she doesn't. Dr. Keith believed her but Howard didn't.
Dr. Keith talked about this sexual thing and how she really is in lockdown in her life and she's emotionally locked out from Sal. He doesn't think that she's ever even tried to go back to where she was with Sal. Dr. Keith said that she's so scared that she has to push Sal back. She was laughing again at all of this stuff so Howard asked her why she was being like that. She was laughing at Sal when everyone else was ready to cry. Christine said that she thought this was all funny, that's why she was laughing. Dr. Keith said that she has to laugh to get through that emotional stuff.
Dr. Keith didn't think that Christine was even that close to this guy that she was e-mailing. She's so detached that she has to e-mail and not even talk to the guy. Sal said that he tried texting her and e-mailing her when this all went down trying to get closer to her. That didn't work.
Sal said that he worked hard all weekend out in Cleveland and Chicago and then he got home last night. He said that his kids came to meet him at the door and she stayed in the computer room. He thought that she should have gotten up from the computer to greet him but she thought he was blowing it out of proportion. Christine said that Sal was in the house for how long before he said that. Sal said he walked in the house and down the hall and she never even got up to see him. Sal said he couldn't wait to see his wife and he envisioned her coming up to him. She was laughing at him again at this point. Sal was on the verge of tears.
Dr. Keith said that this is all a question of how much love you have in your heart and how much you're willing to do to get that back. Christine was laughing at Dr. Keith as he was talking about this stuff. Sal said he's tried really hard to make this work but he can't seem to crack his wife. He said he gets mixed signals from his wife but he'd like to see it. Dr. Keith asked him how he knows that she loves him. He said that they've been through a lot of stuff and they did have a good life for a long time. He said they've veered apart over the years though.
Howard wanted Sal to tell them how he knew that she loved him. Sal said that he thinks that she would leave him if she really didn't love him. Dr. Keith said that he should know now that the woman he chose is having trouble feeling and expressing what she feels in her heart. He said he doesn't think that this is all Sal's fault and he's not to blame for the whole thing. Christine said that she is there this morning for Sal, that must show something. Dr. Keith said that the question is if she can take the chance again and try to go back to where they were.
Christine said that Sal will continue to abuse that love for her by making those stupid jokes of his. Dr. Keith said he likes that she's sharing Sal's water. He said that's something. Christine went on to say that she's a mother already and she doesn't want Sal talking about her on the air and making fun of her in front of people.
Christine said that Sal is saying these things about her on TV and wondered why he embarrasses her and humiliates her. He said that he does that to make himself feel comfortable. She said that stuff hurts her though.
Dr. Keith asked Sal about his childhood. Sal said it was pretty bad and then told him about his father going to a hair dresser and making out with another woman, who wasn't his mother, and then told him to keep his mouth shut. He said that he also met his half-brother when he'd died. He said that he didn't know he had another brother until he was brought tot the guy's funeral. His father was very detached according to Sal and he said that it was a very messed up childhood. He was getting into some heavy stuff so Howard told Christine that this would be a good time to laugh.
Howard asked them why they stopped therapy. Sal said he thinks that it was that they didn't like the therapist. Howard and Dr. Keith were also suggesting that Christine take Sal's hand and tell him that he's making fun of her when she does that stuff and maybe he'll see what he's doing to her. Dr. Keith said that both of them seem to be leading double lives. They could possibly heal each other if they work together to do that and put an end to their living their parent's lives.
Sal threw out another joke that was something that Christine might take wrong so Howard pointed it out to him. Christine then joked about it herself. Artie got on the megaphone and started to goof on that whole thing by asking her some questions and saying that he has to call in 29 more times. Howard was going to take some phone calls but Artie wasn't letting up with the emotional friend impression.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that Dr. Ablow is right on point and asked Christine if she wanted to avoid all of that stuff in her life. Of course she did. Dominic said that they both picked each other but they're not equipped to fix their problems and he wondered if they could ever be equipped to do such a thing. Howard said that Christine is closed off and Sal is closed off too so maybe they never can get to that point where they can fix this relationship.
Howard asked if they're doomed to play out this whole thing that their parents played out for the rest of their life. Dr. Ablow said ''No'' and explained how they can get past this and change their marriage for the better. Artie did some more of his emotional friend thing and had Christine laughing.
Howard asked Sal and Christine if they really want to try to fix this. Sal said that he loves Christine and he wants to make this work. He said that he will always love her. Howard asked him what it is about her that he loves. He said that she's beautiful, she's got a great body, she's a great mother... Artie interrupted with more of his emotional friend thing and put and end to that.
Howard took some phone calls and a guy told them they had guts to do something like this on the air. He said he thinks that they can change things and make it better. He said that they have to keep going to therapy though. Dr. Ablow said that part of what Sal loves about Christine is what she went through in her life and her pain. Bobo called in and said that he doesn't see a serious side to Christine and she must be laughing because she's so nervous about everything. Artie broke into his emotional friend thing again and goofed on the whole thing again.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he wanted to talk shit about the show but it turned out to be a good show. Sal asked the guy what he would do if his wife had an emotional friend. He said he wouldn't allow it.
Howard asked Sal who he loves more, him or his wife. Sal said that was ridiculous to ask, it was obvious after the crying and stuff that he obviously loves him more than his wife. He was joking about that. Christine said that Sal was this person even when she met him but now it's magnified even more because he's on the show and all.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what kind of panties Christine was wearing. Howard said he was wondering the same thing but when he asked her about them, she said she wasn't going to say. Howard gave Dr. Ablow a plug for his book ''Living the Truth: Transform Your Life Through the Power of Insight and Honesty'' and then took some more phone calls.
Ralph called in and asked about this relationship and if Dr. Ablow thinks that this could work out. Dr. Ablow said that he doesn't think that Sal should keep Christine from talking to that friend. Sal asked him if he's out of his fucking mind when he said that. He said that he once asked her if she thought she could have gone into something more than a friendship if he hadn't stopped her from doing it. She said yes. Sal said that he did let her go back to talking to the guy for a while but then they started doing it in private again and he had to cut that off. He said that she did have a talk with the guy and cut things off but then they got back into it and started talking again in private.
Christine said that she doesn't check Sal's e-mail and phone but he feels free to do that with her stuff. Dr. Ablow said that this guy didn't ruin the relationship, he was an innocent bystander. He said that Sal shouldn't want to be her policeman and stop her from doing this stuff. Howard said that Dr. Ablow makes a good point. He said that when he started dating Beth, he told her that she should do what she wants to do. He didn't want to tell her what to do. She just never had the desire to go talk to her ex-boyfriends and people like that.
Howard asked Sal what he thinks he's doing by stopping her from talking to this guy. If he cuts her off, she may just pine away for him and want him even more, if she's actually in love with the guy or something. He asked her if she misses talking to the guy. She said she does and she's said that already.
The guys said that they think that Sal should let her talk to the guy. Sal said that she might as well blow him in front of him then. Howard asked what people are supposed to do if they don't have money for a therapist. Dr. Ablow said that they have to look into their own backgrounds and try to figure out the secrets of what went on in their lives. He suggested buying his book too.
Howard asked Christine if she's ever thought about what her life would have been like without Sal. She said that she has thought about what it would be like to have someone who loves her and is her best friend and doesn't want to hurt her. Sal said that this humiliation stuff just seems to have sprouted out of nowhere. Dr. Ablow tried to talk to Sal about that but Sal wouldn't let him talk. He has his own thoughts on what men want and why the guy wants to be friends with his wife.
Dr. Keith was saying that this 143 guy really shouldn't matter. Sal said that he thinks that they're getting along better now and things are going okay. He said he did put his head on her chest last night and she asked him to take it off because it felt like a boulder. The guys suggested that Sal go out with Christine shopping at Bloomingdales or something. Sal said that she does that on her own behind his back already so he doesn't need to do that.
Dr. Keith said that Sal should get Christine a necklace that says 143 on it and even get her a sexy dress and send her out to a bar and flirt with men. Howard asked Sal and Christine if they want to keep doing therapy with Dr. Ablow. Sal said no and said that he thinks that they're doing okay as it is. Christine wanted to continue with this off the air. Sal said he would do that, he didn't mean to say no earlier. He thought they were talking about doing more on the air.
Howard wrapped up with everyone and gave Dr. Keith another plug for his book. Sal had some advice for the young couples out there. He said that if you have those feelings and you feel you're in love, reach down deep inside and don't get married. He said that doesn't mean that he's not happy in his marriage. He said that marriage is just not good. He suggested that the kids out there stay in love, just don't get married. Howard said that Sal is going to continue to humiliate his wife in a marriage just like his father did. He said that all of the anger is coming out all of a sudden and he's basically saying that guys shouldn't settle down with women and they should just go out and bang. Sal said he wasn't just saying that to guys, he was saying that to everyone.
Howard and the guys told Sal that he was basically saying that his marriage was a disaster and he didn't think that anyone else should do it. Sal said that he loves his wife and wants a good marriage but it's really tough and it's not easy to have a good marriage. Howard wrapped up and said he had to break. He got in a plug for the movie ''Heartbreak Kid'' which was a sponsor of the segment.
Howard was about to go to break but Robin was asking Sal about his crazy comments that he'd just made. Sal said that his father always told him not to get married. The guys figured that he was trying to be just like him. Sal said that wasn't the case. He said that people out there shouldn't jump into marriage, they should let it go on for an extra 5 years and see how it goes. Sal was all over the place with his comments and wouldn't admit that he regretted getting married. He said that if he had gone an extra 5 years himself, he still would have gotten married. If it was 10 years, maybe not.
Howard asked Dr. Ablow if he thinks that this marriage will last. Dr. Ablow said he thinks it could but Fred played Taps as he was saying that. Howard tried to end it again but Dominic Barbara called back in and asked Sal if he wanted to apologize to his wife for something he'd just said. Howard took a couple of phone calls after that and one guy went off on Christine saying that she sounds like a cunt today. Artie threw in a couple more emotional friend comments and then Howard went to commercial.
Howard said that Artie said something to him during the commercial about how it's a comedian's dream to go out on stage and goof on a Britney Spears or a Paris Hilton when they're in the audience. She got to goof on Paris Hilton the night she was going to prison. Howard asked her if she was writing lines when she found out. Sarah said that she doesn't usually talk about people but she had to do that at that show. She said she had to come up with something about her going to jail but she didn't know she was going to be in the audience until the last minute.
Howard said that Britney Spears is claiming that she blew her performance that night because of the stuff she knew Sarah was going to say about her. She said that Britney didn't know what she was going to say bout her so that's a lie. Sarah said that it's much different when she's doing that kind of thing compared to a regular roast where they do it in a loving way.
Sarah talked about how the audience went nuts just when she did the set up for the Paris Hilton joke. She said that's what made Paris get upset, it was the audience cheering over the fact that she was going to jail. Robin asked Sarah about that and how she made another joke about Paris at the VMA awards. She said she was giving her a chance to show she had a sense of humor and laugh at herself.
Artie said that those VMA awards are tough to do comedy at so you have to do harsh jokes to get their attention. They talked about some jokes that Chris Rock did at the VMAs and how he was never asked back. He did get to do the Oscars though. Sarah said that she was put on directly after Britney Spears so she couldn't help but do jokes about her.
Howard asked Sarah if she thinks that the end of TV is near when they put someone like Ryan Seacrest a job hosting the Emmys. She said that it actually gives her hope for the future because now the show has somewhere to go from there. She thought he did a good job in a Dick Clark type of way.
Howard said that Sarah was mistaken for Melissa Rivers recently and she was offended by that. Sarah said that wasn't nice to say that she was upset about it. She said that Melissa is a lovely woman and she wasn't offended by it, she just pointed out that they were wrong. Sarah went on to say that Robin is looking wonderful lately and she's glowing and wonderful. She congratulated her on the Jimmy Florentine thing. She said that she's known Jim for a long time. She said that Jim used to have long hair back when he was known as Jammin Jim. Howard asked her if she's ever had sex with him. She said she never did.
Sarah said that she knows that she's very Jewy but she's curious to know what Richard Christy's balls smell like. She said she wants a foot away but she is curious about how bad they smell. Howard asked Richard to come in, this was great. She said she wants that one foot buffer from him though. Sarah told him that she likes Richard's new hair cut. She was also impressed that he was in the band Death.
Richard said that he showered last night so his balls probably weren't that smelly. He said they'd be funky by Wednesday or so. She's in town until then so she'll stop by again on Wednesday before she does The view to take a whiff. She said she's very curious to know what they smell like.
Richard is going to be taking some karate classes and taking shits over the next couple of days and he won't be showering. That will lead to quite a stink down there. That led to Sarah asking Richard how he wipes, front to back or back to front. Richard said he wipes toward the balls so that's one problem. Howard explained how he wipes and how much he goes through to get clean down there. He said that he uses baby wipes until he's completely clean back there. He doesn't want to stink back there at all so he does as much as possible with baby wipes to make sure he's clean.
Sarah said that she rarely goes and doesn't have to clean up like that. She said that she's like Beth who only craps like once every two weeks. Artie said every girl he dated in Jersey shit like 4 times a day. He doesn't know how these chicks don't shit.
Sarah said that she just wants to know what this smell of Richard's balls is like. She said they're always talking about it. She said it's like when you want to smell bad milk. She wants to know if it smells like shit or like sour milk. She also suggested that they have Sal smell them and write down a description to see if it matches her description.
Howard asked Sarah if she heard the Sal and Christine thing. She said she did and she thinks that they have a dynamic that works for them. Howard said that everyone is walking around analyzing their relationship now so it must have been a good segment.
Artie brought up how Sarah smokes pot and that led to her talking about how she doesn't sell that stuff, she shared a joint with Teddy at the Playboy mansion. She said that she's been to the mansion before and they have the best haunted house there. She said that she loves being around those hot chicks there. Sarah said that she's been there with Jimmy Kimmel and he's really not into those chicks because they wouldn't have been into him in high school.
Sarah said that the girls that were at the mansion the last time she was there were like whores from the Bunny Ranch. She said they had pancake tits and they were auctioning off weird trips and stuff. Sarah also talked about how she smoked pot with Teddy, Artie's assistant, who Artie says has a crush on her. He said he didn't mean to say that she was dealing there at the party. Sarah said that she doesn't think that anyone has a crush on her but Artie said that Teddy does. He said they were hired to do some work there and Teddy was bothering Sarah. He said that he shouldn't have been bothering her about that kind of stuff.
Artie talked about how he had the worst set of his life at that party and ripped his pants. He also saw that the audience was all flirting with the waitresses there. They talked about Teddy smoking weed with Sarah and she said that she was just bonding with him, she wasn't dealing or anything like that.
Ralph called in the middle of the conversation about the whores that were at the mansion. Sarah said she took a picture with one chick who had flat tits and they looked like they were chewed on. Ralph said that Sarah is hot and she's got a good personality and she's too hot for Jimmy Kimmel. He also said that she kind of crapped out on the Melissa Rivers thing. He said that she was insulted by that but she's not insulted by goofing on Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. Sarah said that she and Melissa do have a similar simian look.
Howard asked Sarah if she met Angelina Jolie somewhere. Sarah said that they were sitting around writing stuff for her show and then got sidetracked and talked about some of that stuff and seemed to forget about the Angelina stuff. Howard gave her some plugs for her show and for a show she's doing at Carnegie Hall on November 7th. Sarah said that should be fun. You can find out more about that at NYComedyFestival.com.
Sarah got back to her story about meeting Angelina Jolie. She said that they were in a meeting room writing when they saw her come out of a bathroom on the set there where they work. They all went outside to write after that and then her dog ran over to Angelina and then she came over to say hello to her. She said that she was rally nice and star struck which she rarely gets. She said her lips looked like a perfect vagina and she kind of intimated that if she had something funny to do on her show, she'd do it. Sarah said that she doesn't think that would ever happen but she'd like to put her in the show not playing herself.
Howard talked to Sarah about adopting a kid and how she's like to adopt a Chinese kid or something like that. She said that she'd probably just pick one up off of CraigsList. Howard took a call from a guy who told Sarah that her last Stand-up DVD was really good and wondered if she's going to tape this new one. Howard said that she really is a funny stand-up and he saw her one night. The caller also asked Howard to play Sarah's jokes from the award shows since he hadn't heard them yet. Howard said he could do that so Gary found them filled Howard in on where they were at on his computer. Howard played the clips where Sarah goofed on Britney Spears on the MTV Video Music Awards.
Howard asked Sarah what it's like to be on stage at one of those shows. Sarah said that they light up the audience really bright because they do shoot them. She's not just looking off into the black. Howard played the Paris Hilton jokes that Sarah did at another show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that there's a report that says Sarah is 50 years old. She thought that was funny, she's only 36. Another guy, Dr. Jules, said that he lost his virginity to Sarah's sister who eventually became a Rabbi. Howard asked Sarah if that sister is upset with the kind of career she's had. Sarah said that she wasn't all that religious herself so she doesn't know this Yom Kippur thing. She said her sister would call her for that to apologize for stuff and tell her that she was sorry for being cunty that year and stuff like that.
A caller told Howard he can't believe that he's been wiping his ass in the wrong way all of these years. Howard said his mother just never taught him the right way. Another guy asked Sarah to talk about how she eats her pot because she'd referenced that earlier. Sarah said that she puts it in olive oil and simmers it for a while so she can do just about anything she wants to. She doesn't do that often when she's working. She only does it when she's on vacation.
Artie said that back in about 1995 someone gave him a pot brownie and they told him that it was actually from Sarah. She said that's possible. The caller had also asked about the smell of Jimmy's balls. She said that it was kind of the smell of Vanilla apricot with a hint of hamburger. She said that he's always clean and showered when she's with him.
Ralph called in again and said that Sarah's sister, who is in show business, isn't nearly as hot as Sarah is. Ralph also talked about how great pot brownies are. That led to the guys talking about medical marijuana being legal out in California. Ralph went on a little too long so Howard had to cut him off.
A woman called in and said that she went to college with Sarah and she loves that she's still the same person she was back then. She said that she was always. Sarah knew who she was and seemed happy to hear from her. Howard said he loves a reunion but who gives a shit. He hung up on her and took some other phone calls. One guy said that he loves that Sarah is so funny, that makes her all that much more hot.
Howard wrapped up with Sarah and gave her more plugs for her gig at the NY Comedy Festival and for her TV show. She'll be back on Wednesday to smell Richard Christy's balls. He said he loves seeing her and she said the same for him. They went to break a short time later.
Howard and the guys talked about how no one is real on TV in interviews. If they are, they get a lecture and go back on their comments. They also got into some more discussions about the Mets and what went on with them. They played some clips of Willie Randolph talking about the tough season they had and how stunning it was that they were out.
Gary was really into the Mets loss and was very upset about it. Howard seemed to find it hard to believe that he was as upset about it as he was.
A caller said that he was at the Springsteen concert that Artie was at and he saw Artie holding her hand all night. Artie said he wasn't holding her hand, he just took some pictures with her. He swore that there was nothing going on and the caller was full of shit.
Howard said he was watching the news and they did a story about this guy Clarence Thomas and he really likes him but he can't get past the Anita Hill story. He said that if Anita Hill was full of shit, that guy's life had to be ruined. He said the guy was really great until the Anita Hill thing came out. He said that even if she was crazy, she never tried to get money for the stuff she accused Thomas of. Robin talked to him about that and gave the details that she knew about the story.
Howard talked about David Letterman's interview with Paris Hilton that he did last week. He played the audio of that where Dave was goofing on Paris and tweaking her a bit about her stay in jail. Howard said it got weirder and weirder as the interview went along and Paris got upset with him for continuing to talk about it. Dave was trying to get some details out of her but she didn't want to talk about it and told him she wasn't there to talk about that stuff. She eventually stopped answering his questions about her jail time.
Artie said that Dave was at his condescending best in that interview. Robin said that was good for Dave because he's worked so hard to make her interesting in the past. Artie said that there's so much interesting stuff about her that all you have to do is touch her and it's going to be great. Howard said he'd take a different approach to an interview like that if she ever came on. Artie said he doesn't think she'd ever come on the show though.
Howard asked Fred what he thought about that segment on the show. Everyone in the studio thought it was a great segment of course. Artie said that he thinks that Dr. Ablow may have been telling Christine to talk to the emotional friend because it could show that the relationship is very strong. Howard said he thinks that it was the right thing to say. He said that Sal is telling Christine what to do and he should never put himself in that position. He said that he should just work to save the marriage and not try to make her stop. He thinks that he should tell her to go fuck the guy's brains out if she wants, just let Sal know.
Howard said that the relationship is going south already and if it is, Sal should let her go out and figure out if she really wants to be with him or not. Robin said that Dr. Ablow was saying that Christine has her own life and you can't forbid her from doing something.
Howard said that Christine has to want to be with Sal, he can't force her to want to be with him. Sal said that they're just about DOA at this point and Dr. Ablow should be trying to stabilize them, not make things worse. Howard said that Christine is going to do whatever she wants anyway so making her not see this guy isn't going to help things.
Howard said that he and Beth talked about her friends and how she was still in touch with them. Howard didn't make her stop talking to them, he just let her do what she wanted. She decided not to talk to those guys anymore so that's the direction they went in. You can't make someone do something, they have to decide that for themselves. Howard said that he would be jealous if Beth did talk to male friends. He said he has some serious problems of his own because he's very possessive. He said that it would be something he'd really struggle with.
Robin said that she was in a relationship with a guy who she was an emotional friend with when she got involved with Mr. X. She said that she had to separate her feelings from that guy to Mr. X but she decided that on her own. Artie said that he's never had that with a woman in his life. Artie said that this sounds like Sal is fucked then. Howard said that's right.
Howard went on to talk about how Sal has been put in the situation where he told his wife what to do as if he were a parent himself. It's like your parents telling you that you can't hang out with a certain friend that they didn't like.
Robin said that she managed her own feelings for this guy she was friends with and they're still friends. She said they still talk to this day.
Howard thanked Fred for that Fred segment and then took a call from Ralph. Ralph said that he wanted to go back to the Fred segment for a second. He said that Fred was projecting his situation on this Sal thing. He said that Fred had some issues with his marriage as well. Howard said that it's not the same thing. They have different problems and Sal and Christine seem to be really far apart. Howard asked Ralph if he thought that segment was great or what. Ralph said it really was great.
Ralph also wanted to talk about Letterman for a second too. He said that Dave was a real asshole in that segment. He said that he used her for the ratings over the years and then turned on her in that interview. Howard said he doesn't agree and said that the subject was very uncomfortable to begin with. He said the audience reacted to it and it was fun. If Paris had said that she learned something in prison, Dave probably would have dropped it. She clammed up and the audience reacted to it and that's what Dave went with. If she had just answered the questions it would have stopped Dave. He was put in a weird position and that's the way he handled it.
Gary came in to ask Ralph a question but Howard had hung up on him already. He figured that Ralph would have called in and said that Dave had let her off the hook if he had done a softball interview like he could have done. Howard said that Dave had to do what he did so as not to bore his audience.
Howard told Gary to ask him anything he wanted and he'd give him an answer. Gary asked him some questions about his small penis and his failed marriage and Howard had answers for him. Gary said that not everyone can do an interview like that though. They used Brad Pitt as an example and Howard said he doesn't have a brain in his body so he couldn't answer honestly like that.
Howard thanked Steve for his update and then had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon said they'll be talking about the Sal and Christine therapy today. Howard talked to Jon about that therapy session a little bit and then let Jon get back to his rundown. They're going to talk about Sarah Silverman's visit and some of the stuff she talked about during the interview. They'll also talk about Howard's gift giving plans for this holiday season. Howard let Jon go and had Robin get to her news.
Robin got into some more of her news stories and the guys ended up talking about Pam Anderson possibly getting married again. Artie said that broads are just stupid. He said that he doesn't get what that guy Rick Solomon has that she'd be interested in, other than his big cock. He said that some guys are just huge players and that must be what he is. Then he said that women are just stupid and she's stupid for getting married to this guy.
Howard said that there's a woman on the phone who wants to talk about her dying sister who works there at SIRIUS but it was getting too late in the show to do it. He said if she calls back tomorrow, he'll get to her. He just didn't have the time today. Robin wrapped up her news a short time later so Howard wended the show around 11:15am.
Howard started off the show talking about how great a place they have to do the show from. He talked about how he has a lot to vent about and this is the best place to do that from. He mentioned that they have Jerry O'Connell coming in today. He said that Jerry married an old friend of his, Rebecca Romijn, and they can talk to him about that and about some stuff they've said about him in the past.
Howard also mentioned they have a Win Fred's Money coming up today. They have a guy coming in who thinks he can beat Fred but he's also a teacher who bangs his students and he has a student who is willing to get topless if he loses against Fred. He's a college professor and he's known for dating students and has even gotten fired for dating his students. Howard said he actually teaches Ethics which made Robin laugh. He said that he wasn't kidding. Fred said the guy also teaches Philosophy. Howard said they have psychic Jim Karol coming in.
Howard said that she almost dropped her son on his head in front of the paparazzi at one event. That got photographed of course. She also puts the kid in a car seat the wrong way or she doesn't put them in a seat at all in her car. Now Federline has gotten custody from her.
Howard said that the reason Britney is losing the kids is because she pissed on the court. She refused to get a drug test and if you defy the judge, that's it. She made them put their backs against the wall. Robin said that's just her saying that she doesn't want the kids. Howard read that she already dropped the kids off and apparently couldn't wait to get rid of them. He said you can see she's a very disturbed girl.
Howard said there are a lot of disturbed girls out there but it's still hard to get custody of the kids from the mother. Artie said that in New York you almost have to put the kids in a blender to lose custody.
Howard said that he and Beth were watching ''Tell Me That You Love Me'' and it led to a very honest discussion between them. He said that the conversation was really great and it all came out when they saw that this couple had some secrets between them. He said it was really sad to see that. He said that Beth came out with some stuff and he really felt like they were two friends just talking. He said it was really weird. Robin said that's the reason that you get into a relationship like that though.
Howard said that he felt a lot less pressure after that discussion. He said that all Beth was doing was talking to him and he wasn't feeling defensive or anything like that. Artie said that he knows that it can be kind of scary because he's had women be honest with him and he wants them to stop about a minute into the discussion.
Howard said that keeping the whole thing going and thinking that you're going to crush the other person with your feelings is scary. He said that he usually tries to push all of those thoughts away during his day. Now he knows he can share that stuff with Beth. He said he knows that he's got a lot of shit in his life, and others probably do too, but he knows it has to be tough.
Howard said that Beth has no desire to talk to a therapist about this stuff, she just wants to talk to him about it. Artie said that Howard is fascinated with himself and that makes things even more difficult. Howard said that he really felt bad for himself last night. He said he wasn't all that enamored with the baggage he carries with him and what Beth has to put up with. He said that it nice to have that kind of closeness with Beth.
Robin said that these are the things that people are supposed to share in a relationship but some people can't deal with those secrets that they share. They tell those stories and then end up breaking up over them. Artie said that it's amazing that he got into a new discussion like that 7 years into a relationship. Artie broke into his Anne Murray song but Howard cut him off after a short time.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Sal and Christine thing almost had him in tears yesterday. Howard said that it was startling when Christine was laughing at Sal during that segment. They talked about how tough Sal's life must have been with his father cheating on his mother and him knowing about it.
The guys talked about Sal and Christine's relationship and how they now see that it's not all just Sal. They have a lot of stuff they both have to get past to make that relationship last. Howard said that Sal really has a big problem. He saw his father humiliating his mother his whole life and now he wants to see women humiliated in porn and stuff like that. Even after all of the work they did with Sal on the show, he went on the Wrap Up Show and got into some more discussions about humiliating his wife.
Howard was going to play some clips from the Wrap Up Show but the caller asked him how the guys are doing with their weight loss after the challenge they had earlier in the year. Howard said that they all gained their weight back, every single one of them.
Howard played a clip of Sal talking about his wife making herself look all dolled up as if she's going back on the market. He said compared her to a car and a peacock as he was describing her look. Howard said that when he hears that, he thinks that their relationship is doomed. He said Sal went on and on during the Wrap Up Show talking about all of that stuff. Sal was saying that if the bible was never written, people wouldn't be in that whole marriage thing. That led to Sal talking about how we're animals just like lions are. He wasn't trying to be funny, he was angry and yelling. Howard said he's almost retarded.
Howard took a call from John Boy who said that the show was great and he wondered how things went when Sal went home yesterday. Howard said that's a good question and asked Sal to come in and let them know. Sal said that he went home a little early yesterday so he could dodge some of the phone calls. He said she was curled up in bed already when he got there. He said that it looked like one of those depression commercials. She wasn't depressed though, she was just tired from getting up early. She told him that she was fine but she had also bumped into a few moms who had heard the show that day. They all told her he was a wonderful person of course. He was being sarcastic.
Sal said that the other women told her about the pink streak thing he talked about on the Wrap Up Show. He said he had to explain that and how he didn't mean to compare her to a car. The guys talked about how strange Sal's life is because he used to make a lot more money than he does now. He actually makes less being in show business than he did when he wasn't in show business.
Howard asked Sal if he had sex yesterday. Sal said that would be like poking a gorilla in a cage. He didn't want to rattle the cage so he didn't bother with that. Howard said that he could have tried. Sal said he was testing the waters but he could tell she wasn't interested.
Howard and Sal ended up talking about Dancing with the Stars somehow. They talked about Jenni Garth having big Baba Booey teeth last night. She didn't look as good this week as she did last week. Sal said that show is awful and he doesn't know how Howard watches it. Howard talked about the way the stars react to the judges talking about them. Jenni Garth was on the verge of tears and Marie Osmond looked like she was the happiest she's ever been according to Howard.
Howard asked the guys what they thought about Sal's story and if they were happy about his answer. John Boy asked Sal if his father had chicks all over the city or just one woman he was cheating with. The guys were all over the place talking about that stuff. Sal said his father did get around. Artie said he tried to relate to that story and thought about his father beat the shit out of someone one time. He had secrets that he wanted to keep from his mother and that was the kind of stuff he thought about. Artie said that he saw his father pull this guy out of his car after he threw a beer bottle at his car. He said the guy had a couple of girls in his car and they were crying as he was getting the shit beat out of him. They eventually ran away. Artie's father told him not to tell his mother about that.
Artie said that he told that story when his father got paralyzed and he thought he was getting payback for doing that. He said that if he had ever seen his father make out with another woman, that would have been awful because it's such betrayal. Sal said that his father is an old school Sicilian guy. He said they were hot chicks he was getting too.
Sal said that he saw his mother beat the shit out of a woman one time when his father pulled up to a barbecue with his girlfriend in the car. He said that his father had bunches of women. He said that he had so many women that he actually told another woman he was going to get married to another woman the same time he was getting married to his mom. He said that his father had another kid with that other woman who was 4 months pregnant at the time he married his mother.
Sal said that there were guns involved with the whole thing and one guy showed up to the wedding with a rifle to shoot his father but he got tackled outside. Sal said that his mother is an old school Italian too so that's why she stays with his father.
Fred said that his whole family seems to be a little whacked sexually and wanted him to tell the story of his aunt holding him down and tickling him. Howard wanted him to get back to the topic of his conversation with his wife. He asked him about that so Sal told him about how Christine was telling him that she's okay with what's going on but she doesn't want to be pressed about it. Howard said it sounds like they're arguing again. Sal said he didn't want to push it that far so it wasn't really an argument. Robin said it seems that they can't have a conversation.
John Boy asked Sal if they've had sex this week. Sal said that he hasn't had sex this week at all. Howard said that he saw on some show that if you're not having sex 4 times a week, there's something wrong. Sal said that he doesn't even jerk off that often.
Howard suggested that Sal get some therapy on his own so he can learn to talk to his wife. Sal doesn't think he needs that though. He said that he's still a good father and they get along as best that they can in front of the kids. Howard said he should be out trying to find a doctor to help him out today. Sal said that he doesn't want to open up that can of worms if he doesn't have to.
John Boy said that Howard should be telling Sal what he should be doing. Howard said that Sal should be in therapy because he's miserable. He's down on everything and he's angry about what went on with his dad and other things in his life. He said he's got a shitload of problems and he needs to do something and it's amazing to him that he won't go to therapy. Howard said he loves Artie but he's in the same situation. He needs help but he won't go to therapy.
Howard said he's done giving advice to these guys. He said he has to go to a psychiatrist even though he hates it. He knows that he has to go to get full enjoyment out of his life though. He said he'd be doomed if he didn't go to therapy. He said that you have to be dedicated to making yourself better to keep going. John Boy said that you need money to do that so maybe that's something that Sal can't afford. Sal said that's not the case, he spends money on a lot of other things that aren't as important.
Howard talked about how some people can feel good talking to a minister or someone like that. That's okay for some but others need therapy. He said that Sal and Christine are in deep, deep shit and they need to do something. He said he knows that Sal needs to get help.
Howard said that if he hadn't been in therapy, that conversation with Beth never would have happened last night. He said he would have felt like he was being attacked. Howard said they did have to do some follow up on Sal today after that big show yesterday.
John Boy asked for more information about this Biggest Clit contest they have going on. He has an entry for the contest so Howard put him on hold so he could talk to Gary. Robin said that they had a guy on Bubba's show yesterday who was talking about Chyna Doll's big clit. The guy had apparently dated her and told some stories about how it was like going down on a small boy when he was doing her.
Joey Boots called in and said that Christine seemed to be a bit embarrassed during that segment yesterday when she was laughing at Sal. He also asked if Christine got any money to do that segment yesterday. Howard said she did and asked Sal if he was okay with him telling Joey how much she got. Sal said it was fine, it was $10,000! Joey said that she probably did the show just for the money but Sal said that wasn't the case. She did want to get some help and she had actually turned down that ten grand at one point. He said that they really needed the money and that was some of the motivation but she really did want to come in and do the therapy thing.
Howard said that no one fixes their marriage on the radio and she knew that. She did do the show for her family though. They're having some financial problems and that ten grand helped. Joey doesn't think that she was being honest on the show and that ten grand is what brought her there. Howard had to let him go and said he had to go to break so he could get Jerry O'Connell in there.
Howard took a couple more calls before he did go to break. One guy said that he loved Sarah Silverman so much that he'd be willing to lick her asshole... bloody. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said that Jerry just married Rebecca Romijn and he used to be friends with her when she was married to John Stamos. Howard said that something went horribly wrong. He said that he did write her a note and she wrote back but then they fizzled again. He asked Jerry what happened.
Jerry said that one of the difficult things is when a couple splits and they have these mutual friends that they have to split up 50/50 like anything else in their marriage. Howard said that he and Rebecca talked about her break up with John.
Jerry said that he likes that he named his dog after him and how great it is that he must think about him when he wakes up every morning. He went on to talk about how Rebecca was upset about some of the stuff that they've discussed on the show about her relationship with John Stamos. That stuff about them being naked in Howard's apartment didn't go over very well with her. Howard said that he didn't bring it up though, it was John and Rebecca who brought it up on the air. Howard said that he didn't bring those details out. Robin said that maybe them continuing to talk about that stuff is what upsets her.
Jerry said that Rebecca usually talks very highly of Howard. She may take the show too seriously though. He said that some people are just more emotional than others. He said that he met her a while after she split with John Stamos and she was still upset about the break up. He said that when they first started dating she had a lot of healing to go through. It wasn't a happy time for her. He said that they were waiting for marriage to have sex though.
Howard said that Jerry was dating some good looking women before Rebecca. He said he must really love Rebecca to have married her after all of these other chicks. Jerry told Howard that Rebecca really misses Beth O. He said she still speaks very fondly of both of them. Howard said he knows about that but there's still this rift between them and he's not sure exactly what it is.
Jerry said that he hopes that they can make up some day and go out to dinner at some point. Howard said he can't do that, he's friends with John Stamos.
Howard went through Jerry's sexual resume. He said that he had a list of chicks there. He was about to get into that when he asked Jerry how he got Rebecca to slim down. Jerry was just laughing when he was talking about that stuff. He said that Jerry had gotten a bicycle made for two so they can work out together.
Howard said that Jerry sang to Rebecca at their wedding. He read about that stuff and some of the other gay stuff that he's done with her. He said that's the kind of stuff that she wants him to do for her and he's doing it. Jerry said that he really enjoys her company and he does do that stuff for her. He said that she's a great girl.
Artie said he remembers Rebecca getting really mad at them after they goofed on a movie she was in and how bad it was. Artie said he remembers that because he read the review on the air himself. Jerry said he doesn't think she really cared about that though.
Howard read that Jerry has to watch football with the sound turned down. He thinks that's just wrong. Jerry said she doesn't like football. He seems to be fine with it. Howard asked Jerry if they went to couples counseling before they got married. He said they actually did do that. Howard asked him if he would ever ask her to mute the TV if she was watching a movie he didn't like. Jerry said that they work very hard and they only have Saturdays and Sundays together. He said the games are on for most of the day and he can sit and watch games all day long. He said she just doesn't like to hear the sound of football games and she even does an impression of the ESPN coverage of games. He gets that and doesn't mind turning the sound down.
Howard said that Jerry was going out with this one hot chick and ended up cheating on her with Ginger Spice (Geri Halliwell). Jerry said he didn't cheat on anyone. He said he was just dating. Howard also read that Jerry also dated Estella Warren. He asked him what that was like. Jerry said she was a very nice girl. Howard asked him if he's got any pictures of her. He said he didn't take any at all. He didn't get into the camera thing until he was around Rebecca. He said she loves to have her picture taken.
Howard read some more of the girls on his list like Sarah Michelle Gellar and asked Jerry why the fun bus ride stopped with Rebecca. Jerry said that Howard could answer that himself. Howard knew her and said that she's just fabulous. That was it, she's fabulous.
Howard said that Jerry has a link to the show that's fascinating. His mother was a teacher in the area and actually taught Lester (Beetlejuice) in her class. Jerry knew Beetlejuice as Lester, his real name, and he was actually his mother's assistant in class. He used to run messages for her and get her supplies and stuff. He said that he loves hearing him on the show and stuff because he was such a great guy.
Howard said it must have been shocking to see Lester on the show. Jerry said it was very exciting to see an old friend on TV. Howard asked him if he recognized him immediately. Jerry said that he did recognize him right away of course.
Howard said he wanted to ask Jerry about his brother going on The Bachelor. He wondered if he was crazy or something. Jerry said that his brother was an actor but he had some trouble and things weren't going so well. He knew one of the people who works on the show and they suggested putting him on there. Howard asked Jerry if he was surprised at the girl his brother picked. Jerry said that things didn't work out in the long run for his brother. He said that it wasn't a horrible experience for his brother but it didn't work out all that well either.
Jerry said that he watches a lot of reality TV shows and sees the way things work on that show. He said that his brother probably thought that there must be something a little wrong with the women who do The Bachelor but he's not sure about that. He said that his brother was dating another woman by the name of Dana and then the Bachelor show came up and he took that up.
Howard gave Jerry a plug for this new show of his, The Carpoolers. Howard asked him if he feels like he's under a lot of pressure to do this show. Jerry said he's really not. He said that all of the guys he works with are subscribers and they all love the show. He said that the show is a bit different. The guys who are directing the shows worked on shows like Arrested Development and some other improv shows like Kids in the Hall. He said the show got bad reviews today but he doesn't really give a shit what they say. He said that as long as people watch it and enjoy it, he's happy with that. He said his feelings won't be hurt if Howard doesn't like the show. Howard said that he would care if it was his show. Jerry told Howard about the show and how Rebecca will be making an appearance on the show and they had some fun doing that. Artie said that Faith Ford is also on the show.
Howard talked to Jerry about John Stamos and asked him if Rebecca ever bad mouths him. Jerry said no but Howard didn't believe that. He said she has to bad mouth him. Jerry said that she really doesn't. He said that she actually used to TiVo his Jake in Progress show. He said it was pretty unwatchable though. Howard said that must have made him really happy to see his show fail like that. Jerry said that he wanted it to do well because he thinks that Rebecca was worried about John and his well being when they split up. He said that they watched the show and she was really rooting for John to get on with his life after the divorce.
Howard said he would have been thrilled if it was him. Jerry said he gets that but Rebecca was really worried about John. Howard asked Jerry what it was like the first time he kissed and felt up her titties. Jerry said it was incredible. Howard asked him if he was under pressure to perform with her. Jerry said that he was very nervous and imagined that he'd be more manly than he was with her. Howard said it must have been tough thinking about John Stamos having been inside of her when he was with her. Jerry said that didn't enter his mind at the time.
Gary came in and told Howard that Jerry really had to get going but Jerry wanted another two minutes. Howard went into some oral sex talk with Jerry and asked him how long he can go with her and if he thinks that he has to lick her too much to make her happy. Jerry laughed and changed subjects. He talked about Rebecca getting into show business and the way she did that.
Howard wrapped up with Jerry who gave a shout out to everyone over at Carpoolers before he left. Howard said that he wants to know how Jerry managed to hold out with Rebecca and how long it took him to get into her pants. Jerry said that they waited to have sex until the marriage. Howard wanted an answer now but Jerry said that next time he'll get into that. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that John and Rebecca's relationship ended because Howard was her emotional friend. Howard said that's ridiculous. Another caller said he liked that appearance and said he's going to watch his show.
The caller also asked if the guys think that Sal's wife had a sexual affair with that emotional friend. Howard said he'd give his answer but asked Fred for his thoughts first. Fred said that he doesn't think anything happened. Artie said he doesn't think she slept with the guy. Robin said the same. Howard said he believes her and doesn't think that she slept with him or blew him. Robin said she thinks that they kissed. Howard said that maybe they made out and maybe he got some tittie and maybe even a finger in there. The caller was asked what he thinks about that but he was already gone.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he wanted to take a fork and stick it in his eyeball during that Jerry O'Connell interview. He thought the whole thing was a little contrived. Howard said he was really curious about how Rebecca is doing and he knows he gave her a lot of shit about her dating Jerry. He knows she took offense to that and he hopes they can get past that. He said Jerry seemed to be a nice guy and he didn't have any desire to bash him or anything like that.
Howard read through some e-mail about yesterday's show. He said that people were very upset that he had Ralph on so much yesterday. One guy wrote in and said that he was actually good on the show. He also read one about Haydn Porter and called her some names. Robin said ''Who's Haydn Porter'' not remembering that she was just on the show a couple of weeks ago. Howard reminded her that she was that nice young girl that was just in there recently.
Howard played a prank call that the guys made to a tattoo shop using some audio clips of Ronnie the Limo Driver talking about being Scoresman. The guy they called had no idea what a Scoresman was. They had Ronnie yelling at the guy and getting hung up on time after time. Artie said he'd like to hear one call where Richard calls a hippie chick and plays Sal's apology tape. Howard said he had one where they called with clips of Artie yelling at Ralph about the money he owed him. They kept calling over and over again and got hung up on.
Sal went on to talk about how he was joking around with Tim Sabean about the ''shine'' word after he was asked to not use the racial stuff on the air so much. He was out in a restaurant in a private area at the time. Gary said they weren't in a private area, they were upstairs in the restaurant in a public area. Sal said that it wasn't a deliberate racist statement, he was just playing off a joke.
There was another story about Sal putting a towel and a dot on his head when an Indian guy showed up to the restaurant. That was from about a year ago according to Jason. They spent a short time on that and then Lisa got back to her news.
Lisa said that they've learned that Scott DePace played against Gary's son Jackson in Halo 3 on xBox Live last night. Howard heard about that and said that Gary saw that Scott saw that Scott was playing against his son and he went nuts. Gary said that he was talking to a bunch of people working at home and he heard from his son that he had played against him. Scott came in and said that he only played for 30 minutes last night. The guys were goofing on Scott about his game playing. He said it's no different than watching TV. Gary said his son told him how good the game was against Scott and how good a player he is. Scott said he blew up his son with a sticky grenade on his back so he won against the 12 year old.
Scott was also upset about the plans for the secret Santa thing that Howard brought up yesterday. Scott thinks that Howard should write everyone a check there since the gift thing is going to be much less than it has been in the past. Howard said that things were just getting out of hand and this is the way they have to do this so everyone can be included and people like Gary don't have to buy gifts for 20-some people.
Howard said that he just can't cover the whole crew there because they're too big and it's too time consuming to go through that many people. He said that form now on they're just going to do the people in the studio. Gary thinks that they should just do the secret Santa thing in the studio. Howard said that wouldn't fix his problem though. He said he can't be buying everyone there gifts anymore. He said that he's not the employer, SIRIUS is, and if they want a bonus, they should go to them for that.
Gary asked Artie if he got gifts when he was working on network TV shows. Artie said that Norm did buy gifts for everyone when he was working on The Norm Show. He said that Quincy Jones used to give them gifts too but Howard gave him a great gift when he first started there. He thinks that people have gotten used to that now. Howard said they have to get out of that and change the way they do things. He said it's gotten out of hand. Some people are feeling they don't get big enough gifts and that just has to stop.
Robin said that Scott the Engineer had come in one year and told her that she had given him a reduction. She thought that was nuts. Howard said he doesn't hire anyone there, SIRIUS does. They're the employers and they should be giving the holiday bonuses. Scott said that it would be a nice way for Howard to show his appreciation for them. Howard said he does appreciate the people there. Howard said it's a waste of time and money for these people to shop for him. He's trying to relieve some of that stress and that's why he's changing the way they do things.
Scott wanted to opt out of the whole thing because he doesn't know what to get for a stranger. Howard told him to just do what he wants and buy everyone gifts if he wants to. Howard said that this secret Santa thing isn't going to be secret. They're going to reveal everything on the air and throw the stuff in a wood chipper if it's a bad gift.
Benjy asked Howard if he's going to buy anyone gifts. Howard said that he will only buy people gifts who work directly for him. He said that he will buy his assistant Laura a gift. He will not buy Robin a gift unless he gets her in the secret Santa thing. Artie thinks that it's going to be a negative thing for moral around there. Howard doesn't seem to care about that though.
Howard said that he hopes that Scott picks Jason in the secret Santa thing. Scott said he wouldn't buy him anything if he did. Richard came in and told Howard that he was going to get him a Batman sword for Christmas. Howard said that he hates the stuff that Richard gets for him and he'd hate that gift. It's such a waste of money and effort. He's glad that he's going to stop this whole gift giving thing. He said that he'd get Richard a big bar of soap if he was going to buy him something. He asked if he had showered yet since Sarah Silverman wants to come in and smell him. Richard said he hasn't showered and he's worked out, jerked off and taken shits since he last showered.
Howard talked about some of the other awful gifts that he's gotten from the guys. Both Richard and Artie have given him shitty gifts. Ralph called in and said that this sucks because he always gets his shitty gifts and holds on to them. Ralph said that he'll walk in and see all of that stuff and just pick and choose the stuff he wants to keep.
Artie said that he gave Howard a Neil Young picture that's probably worth $3500 now. Howard doesn't know what happened to it. Howard talked about the digital fingerprint reader that Scott DePace got for him and what a piece of shit that was. He didn't want to use anything like that. Gary asked if there's anything that he has liked as a gift. Howard said that Robin got him a letter opener that he loves. He also said that she got him a book that was really cool that he loved. Gary also got him an old radio but he has to put stuff like that into storage.
Howard asked Richard how much that Batman sword was. He said that it was about 80 bucks so Howard told him that's money that he could keep in his pocket. Artie said that he's 0 for 3 now with his gift giving so he wouldn't know where to go with that anyway. He talked about the way Howard reacted to one gift he got for Howard and how he wanted nothing to do with the digital picture frame that was suggested by Scott DePace.
Howard said he's sorry if anyone is offended by all of this. Will came in and said that it is kind of depressing because they have gotten such nice gifts in the past. Lisa G complained about the gifts last year and how Howard wasn't getting them anything. He had to buy them something after that. Howard said that he had to move on so he ended the fun with everyone and sent them on their way.
James told Howard that he can see why they see it as a negative thing but he doesn't feel he's doing anything wrong. He said that he did give one girl a good grade after the relationship. She was there so Howard had the guys bring her in. Her name was Melanie. Howard asked her about the relationship and found out that James had come into her tanning salon and that's how they started talking. She was also in his class though. Melanie said that she did get a good grade after going out with him. Howard and the guys were talking about how unfair that is for the male students since they can't fuck him to get a good grade.
James said that he's been fired a couple of times and he just recently got a new job. He never has a problem with his references from other jobs because he does his job very well. He just gets in trouble for dating the students. He and Melanie have actually broken up so they're not dating right now. Her boyfriend was with her in the green room.
Howard said that if all of the other schools have a problem with him dating the students, maybe he should look at what he's doing and maybe put a stop to it. James said that it's a self control problem and he can't help himself. He said that he's good at his job though. He said that his resume is full of jobs because he has to move on every 12 months or so.
Howard asked Melanie if she told her fellow students that she was banning the teacher. She aid that she didn't but there were people who spread the word through Mypsace and Facebook. Howard said that it seems like James doesn't want to be a teacher, he still wants to be a student. Artie said that he looks like an ecstasy dealer.
Melanie said that James is pretty big in the pants and she was alarmed when she saw it for the first time. She said that it hurt pretty bad the first time. She was pretty drunk at the time. James said he didn't get her drunk, she did that on her own. Melanie went on to talk about how weird it was to be banging her teacher and then go to his class a couple of hours later. She said that he didn't help her cheat in class or anything like that though.
Melanie said that she wasn't looking for a relationship so she was screwing around with other guys and he was doing whatever he was doing. She said that she once tried to give him oral but he's got a lot of girth and it was tough.
Howard moved on to the game after that and said that Melanie was going to have to be naked if James lost against Fred in Win Fred's Money. The prize money was being sponsored by their own Howard TV. Melanie said that she can be topless but not completely naked today. Howard was fine with that. Howard said that they're going to ask Melanie to get topless behind the screen they have in the studio so that she can't cheat. She said she's never flashed anyone before and this was new for her. Howard said that he doesn't agree with James' morality or ethics but he's going to let him play this game.
Howard took a few phone calls and let some people go off on this guy for what he did. One woman called in and said that she actually married her college professor. She told that story quickly and then Howard moved on to the game.
Howard had Fred go off to Robin's booth where he wasn't able to hear the questions. He then played the game with James. He had to answer 7 questions as quickly as possible. Then Fred would come in and try to answer the same. Here are the questions and correct answers:
Howard told James that he really shouldn't shit where he eats and maybe get out of the line of work he's in. Gary told Melanie that he could give her some money if she took her dress off. She said she couldn't do that because her mother wouldn't be happy with that. Howard said that her titties were magnificent. Gary said that he could give her a Stiletto radio if she took her dress off. She was going to get that and $500. She asked how long she'd have to be naked. They told her 30 seconds but she said no to that. Her boob popped out of her dress at that moment so the guys got another peek at that.
Melanie said that her ass is not good and she doesn't want them to see that. She said her legs are gross and she doesn't want to show that. She said her stomach was bad too. Howard wanted to see it anyway and she gave them a peek at her belly which looked fine to Howard. Howard knocked the time down to 25 seconds and told her to just do it. She said that she would do it for 20 seconds so she went right ahead and took her dress off. Everyone said she was cute. They counted down the 20 seconds but Gary kept it going longer than the 20. She called them a bunch of assholes but she didn't sound too serious about that.
Howard told her that she won the $500 and the radio. She said that she was a starving college student and Artie asked ''Starving!?'' which came out kind of wrong as if he was calling her fat or something. He said that came out all wrong.
Howard gave Howard TV some plugs and wrapped up with everyone. He gave Melanie some advice about banging her professors. He also mentioned that the number 1 show on Howard TV is the Haydn Porter staff stories episode. Robin said that even though everyone seems to hate her, they love watching her on Howard TV. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
Artie talked about some of those speeches that Bruce makes before his songs. He did an impression of that a little bit before Howard brought in the next guest.
Howard said that this guy Jim Karol has been on the show with his shock chair before. He said that he wanted to give them one for the studio. Jim has a TV show coming up on NBC called ''Phenomenon.'' He said he was one of 10 people chosen as the best mentalists around the world for the show.
Howard asked Jim what kind of stuff he can teach him to do. Jim said he can do all kinds of memory stuff and even put tin foil on someone and make them feel hot. Artie said that he saw this guy out at a diner in Jersey. He said that Jim told him that he had done a comedy room there in Hoboken and he ran into him in the diner.
Howard asked Artie if he wanted to try the tin foil trick. He said he would and Jim took a little piece of Howard's lunch foil to use on Artie. He put the foil on Artie after licking it and folding it in half. He put it on Artie's arm and said ''pain, heat... Heat'' and put it on him. He told him that if it got hot he could knock it off. Artie wasn't falling for it and didn't have to knock it off. He told Jim he was crazy, he didn't feel a thing. Howard told Jim to get the fuck out of there. Artie said he didn't feel any difference from the time he put it on until then.
Jim told Howard to hold onto this pack of matches he had. Howard told him that if this doesn't work, he won't be able to fill a room. Howard yelled, threw the foil away and said that he was burned. He had a welt on his hand. He said it really hurt. Jim said that Artie must be fighting the pain. Artie said that he wasn't but he could see that Howard's pain was real. Howard showed Robin the red mark on his hand and she said there was a red mark there.
Artie tried again but he didn't believe it was going to do anything. It got a little hot but Jim said that he was fighting it. Artie said it got a little hot but it didn't burn him. He said it got hotter than the last time. Howard didn't get how he did that to him but it didn't work on Artie. He wanted to see him do it on Robin. Artie said he got burned with a solder gun one time so that was nothing.
Robin walked away when it got warm so Howard wondered why he got burned and she didn't. Jim said that he gave Howard full power and that's why it burned him. He thought that he had to do that because he figured Howard would assume that he wasn't actually able to do that.
Jim gave Artie a hand buzzer thing and Artie wondered if he was in 3rd grade. Jim also gave Howard the shock stool that he brought in last time. This one was made especially for Howard though. Howard wanted to put someone on the chair because it's supposed to be a lie detector. Gary suggested they ask Scott DePace some questions. Sal suggested they ask Benjy his age. Benjy wouldn't get on the chair. He knew he'd get shocked no matter what his answer was.
Jim told Howard that he does a trick on this ''Phenomenon'' show and he wanted to show him what that was. He had Howard cut a deck of cards and said he can look at the cards. He said he could remember them in the order they were shown in. It wasn't really a trick, just something that he can do. He said he can teach people how to do that too.
Jim said that he wanted to teach Howard how to read Robin's mind. He asked Robin to come into the studio and Artie said that he thinks that Jim is becoming one of his favorite guests. Jim then had Robin print a number on a piece of paper. He had her fold it up and then had her look into Howard's eyes so he could figure out what that number is. Howard guessed that the number was 9. Then he took another guess and said that he thinks she wrote down 3 numbers. He was right about that. Then he said it was 9, 8, 2. Robin said that he actually came close. Robin said she actually wrote it down as 892 though.
Jim then had Robin write down a word on a piece of paper and Howard guessed what that was. He got it right when he guessed ''fuck.'' Artie figured that he was writing something that was seen through the paper. Artie wanted to try that one himself. Howard wondered if he could continue to do this even after he left. Jim said he might be able to do that. Artie said that might be the best trick he's ever seen. Robin said that she actually wrote down the number 982 so Howard was actually right. Robin said that she also wrote a word that she thought Howard wouldn't guess and he got it anyway.
Howard gave Jim some plugs and said that he's headlining a comedy show this week at Gotham Comedy Club in the city. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that he had to go disinfect his arm. He said that he put hand gel on his skin and washed it as well.
Howard had some audio that Richard recorded on an airplane on his way to Orlando. In the clip the baby is screaming constantly. Howard said that's a plane ride from hell right there. The guys said that the kids ears get clogged up and that's why they go so crazy.
Howard said he was reading an article about Bruce Springsteen where his manager asked about what they thought about Bruce doing American Idol but then said he was just kidding. Howard said they do seem to be testing the waters. Artie said he just doesn't want him in that atmosphere and doesn't want Ryan Seacrest introducing Bruce Springsteen. They spent a little time talking about Bruce and some stuff that's come out about him in the news. Gary said that there's a track on Bruce's new album and it's hidden but it's like a love song to Patty Scialfa.
Howard said that Klein was on Fox and Friends talking about other comedians and said that he doesn't listen to that many guys out there now. He said that Chris Rock is great but a little too profane. Robert mentioned a bunch of other names like Lenny Bruce and a few others. He then said that he's not fond of Howard's work even though Howard is a nice guy. Howard said he gets it when someone ''gets him'' on the show but then doesn't get him when they're off the show. Artie said he's clearly a bitter guy.
Gary said that he knows what's going on there. They had Robert on the show once and it went okay. Then Robert talked about his divorce and his wife called in. That was a great part of the interview. Robert kept trying to get back on the show but they turned him down a bunch of times. He thinks that he got upset about them not booking him again. Robin said she remembered David Brenner being on that same day and he'd gotten into something with the mother of his kid and Robert ended up doing something similar.
Howard said that it's hard booking the show and he just recently got a note from Richard Lewis who hasn't been on the show much lately. He said they're going to have him back on. Gary said that he's been invited on the show and he'll be on whenever he can make it there. Gary talked about some other guests that they've had on the show who really want to get on the show but they turn down. They think it's all Gary keeping them off the show but Howard has some say in that as well. They're going to have Ronnie Spector back on the show but only because she's ready to talk about her past.
Artie said that the movie looks amazing. He said he just threw some money their way and helped produce the movie. it was directed by Kamal from the Jerky Boys. Artie knew some of the details about the movie but not all that many. Richard said that the movie is actually great, he saw it.
Steve said that they spoke to Kamal and he hasn't spoken to his old Jerky Boys partner in 8 years. They'll have more on that story today on Howard 100 News. Gary said that he almost had a Jerky Boys reunion on the show but Kamal wanted nothing to do with it. Artie said he can't believe that they can't just get along well enough to put out another album. They have nothing else going on in their lives and they won't just sit down and make a few more phony phone calls.
Artie said that they had some problems with money and that's why they stopped talking. He went on to tell the story of the Jerky Boys and how they got started. The first album was just a couple of guys fucking around for their friends. Artie said that he still can't believe that they won't get back together. Even Van Halen got back together.
Steve said that Sal the Stockbroker got into some trouble on a flight when he wasn't able to turn off his iPod. It was taken from him because of that. Richard also had a problem where he peed on his pants on his flight and had to sit in his own urine. Steve said they have a story about Stuttering John doing some kind of bit on a web site and he doesn't seem to be stuttering all that much because he doesn't have all that much to say.
Steve said that they have a story about Howard's secret Santa plans and how they always get mentioned during those discussions. Steve had a couple of tother quick things he mentioned before Jon Hein came in.
Jon Hein said that they'll be talking about Jerry O'Connell's interview today on the Wrap Up Show. They'll also talk about James the college professor who came in with his former student to get topless. They'll also talk about Jim Karol's visit and Howard's burned arm.
Artie got into some baseball talk for a few minutes after Robin brought up a story about the way the season seems to be wrapping up. Artie was going on and on about who he thinks will be in the World Series. He said he'd like to see a Yankess/Phillies series this year. They also talked about football a little bit.
Howard said that he watched Jenna Bush being interviewed on 20/20 and he thought she turned out to be a great kid and now he's thinking that her father raised a good kid. Artie said that he didn't raise her so that's not true. They talked about that for a short time. Howard said he was impressed with her, so was Robin.
Howard said that he found out that Scott DePace was playing Halo 3 for 3 hours last night. He said you can look them up online and see how long they play. Scott said he didn't play for 3 hours yesterday. Howard said that it shows he was on for that long but Scott said he played for about an hour tops. Howard seemed to take his word for it and let him off the hook.
Scott DePace came in with a chocolate bar for Artie. Artie had some peanut butter in there and had nothing to dip it in. He now had chocolate to dip in there. Artie started dipping it in and eating it as Howard TV guys took shots of him gorging on the food. Artie said that this is the kind of stuff that makes him fat. Howard said the best thing is that he didn't even have to get up to get it, he just sat there and the candy came to him.
Gary said that he was sitting around the house last week watching a show on the Food channel and when he saw this chocolate factory place he wanted to go so the Howard TV guys are going to bring him over there for a tour. Artie wanted to go too so Gary told him he could come along with him.
Artie said that the chocolate and peanut butter wasn't good after French toast. He said it wasn't settling very well. Artie needed to wash it down so he needed some ice for his drink. Howard clapped and told Scott DePace to bring that in as well. Scott came back in a short time later with the ice but then Artie wanted better chocolate to go with his peanut butter. Scott said they were working on that.
Scott came back with a Hershey's chocolate bar. Artie said he hopes that the other chocolate didn't ruin his palate. He said he was just doing this as a bit at this point. He was gargling his soda and spilled it on his shirt so DePace came back in with a change of clothes for him a short time later.
Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
Howard started off the show by taking a phone call. The caller said he thought it was disgusting that the staff doesn't get what Christmas is all about. He said that it's all about giving and they just don't get it. Howard said he's being driven nuts by this whole thing. He said Tim Sabean came to him and said that some of the guys were left off his list last year and they were upset about it. Howard said he just wants to have a good time and everyone can buy gifts for each other in the secret Santa thing.
Howard said Artie thought it was lame that he kept saying he's not the boss there. Howard said that this pat on the back thing that some of the guys are saying is really getting old too. He said that working there is the pat on the back. He said that if they don't like his secret Santa thing, he'll have a big meal there or something. He said that Doug saying that he doesn't do any of the work is ridiculous too.
Howard said he's not going to do a lame gift for everyone if he does buy gifts. He said he doesn't want people going out and buying him a gift that he's just going to throw in the garbage either. The people there need the money and they don't have to spend hundreds of dollars on gifts for him if he's just going to throw it in the garbage. He said that he doesn't want a Batman sword like Richard was talking about getting him.
Howard said that when David Haight says that he doesn't think that he cares about him, that hurts. He's the guy who works on Mastertape Theatrte and he's got a whole crew working for him. He said that he loves them but now he's being guilted into being selfish.
Howard said that Ralph doesn't buy a thing for anyone, ever. Artie said that Jason said that no matter what, there are people he's going to get gifts for. Howard said he's going to do the same thing but not there at work though. Artie said that Jason is doing it there at work. Robin thought it was funny that Scott DePace was going to take himself out of the secret Santa thing all together.
Howard said that he gets a lot of gifts every year and he sees what people are spending on him. He said it's just too much and a lot of it ends up in the trash. Artie said that if Jason is looking to give other people gifts, it might ruin the bit. Howard said that they shouldn't exchange gifts at all unless you pe