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Howard started off the show taking a phone call from a guy who asked why they didn't have anyone defending Michael Richards. He thought the guy was just doing his act. Howard said that the guy was calling people the N-word, it's not a surprise that there aren't any people defending him. He and the caller talked about that whole thing and for a short time. Howard said that Michael Richards is supposed to meet with the people he offended and their lawyer and may settle and pay them off.
Robin said that Paul Mooney is coming in today and she read that he's said he thinks that Richard was suicidal over the whole thing. Howard said the guy doesn't owe them anything and he doesn't have to pay anyone off so it's kind of amazing that he's going to do something like that.
Artie asked how what Richards did hurt anyone financially. Howard said he did nothing. The guy just wants to get out of it all so it goes away.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he heard Howard saying he wants someone to lick his ass so he wanted to go over that. Howard said Beth won't do that for him and he understands why because it's so disgusting back there.
Howard said that what would be great is if Richards set up a whole fake trial and a fake jail that he could be sent to for all of this stuff he's done. Artie said he and his friend were trying to figure out what Richards is worth from working on Seinfeld. He was figuring that maybe it's like $15 million or something. Howard joked that Richards' lawyer said that his client is ''ni**er rich.'' Artie thinks that the guy is just nuts but he could probably sell out any club he works at now. Artie offered to open up for him if he wants him.
Artie said he'd love to have that guy come out on stage and just yell out the N-word like he did that time on stage. Fred played a couple of clips of that so everyone would know what they were talking about.
Another caller asked Artie if this will effect how Artie performs on the show. Howard said he's heard Artie say that no one is paying attention to him so he's going to continue doing what he does. Artie said comedians should be allowed to do whatever they want on stage so even Richards shouldn't have to stop. He said as long as you're being funny the club owners don't care what you're saying.
Artie said he's not going to be able to do business with this guy anymore because this guy saw him and wrote in about it. He said it wasn't even a lot of money. He said it was a few hundred bucks. Artie said he can't believe this guy saw him doing this.
Artie suggested that this guy forget what he saw out there at this diner. He said that his bookie doesn't do business out of this diner and the guy should just forget it. He was also saying that he would never buy drugs at a diner if he was back on heroin. He said he could have them delivered if he really wanted them.
Artie said he can't even bet in America anymore and that pisses him off. Howard told him he's just going to have to figure out another way to do stuff. Artie said he was pissed that this kid ratted him out, that's not cool. Howard reminded him that he didn't say what town this was in. He left that part out when he read the e-mail he got from the guy.
Howard said that his father is constantly hounded at the horse track and it really bothers him. He used to be anonymous until they talked about it on the show. Now the guy can't enjoy what he enjoys so much. Artie said that in the area he was in a silver Mercedes likes his isn't the norm so it probably stood out like a sore thumb. Artie said that the internet betting thing has kind of hurt this guy so he has to make money with guys like him who don't know how to use a computer.
Howard said he thought Artie was going to say he was just saying hello to a friend in his car, he didn't know he was going to admit to meeting his bookie. Howard said he shouldn't have come clean if he didn't want to say anything. Artie said they would have thought he was lying about it if he had done that.
Artie said he lost a few bucks over the weekend betting on some games. He said that he gets a pain in his chest when he loses and he was feeling that this weekend. He said that Norm MacDonald used to bet on dice games and stuff when they'd hang out and he'd get that pain in his chest as well. Artie said he actually did okay over the weekend but he didn't want to say exactly how much he lost. He said that he keeps track and for the whole season he's actually up.
Howard didn't believe that Artie knew he was up. Artie said he knows in his head that he's up money. He's not betting each week though. He figured that he's up by about $2500 for the season. Howard said that he's really got to stop with that stuff but Artie said that's what he does while Howard goes out to the Hamptons and fishes. Howard told him to come out to the Hamptons with him and stop betting like that.
Artie said that he's not that abnormal for a guy who came from where he came from. When he's in the studio he's kind of abnormal. He told a story about a friend who he went to visit at college one time. He said that he and his friend bet on a Lacrosse game one time and it was the most exciting 3 hours he had in his life. He said he ended up losing a grand when he only had about $200 to his name.
Robin said that Artie could never get the same rush betting with a friend as he does with a bookie. Artie pretty much agreed with that.
Robin also said that if Artie gets a show with this FOX development deal he has, he's going to have to figure out how to use a computer so he doesn't have to have run-ins with the fans out there. Artie said this whole thing started with this jerk-off who wrote that letter about seeing him out there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Artie saying that he's up this year is kind of like asking a fat guy how much he weighs. They always make it seem better than it actually is. He thinks that Artie is down by more than he's saying he is. Artie said he gives himself an allowance and it's kind of like a recreation allowance.
Another caller said he knows what Artie goes through, he has to bet on games or he gets bored with them. Artie said he does like to do that with his favorite teams like the Yankees. Howard said he respects money too much to bet it on games like that and he'd also hate to feel like he's lost something after a game.
Artie said he got hooked on gambling when he was in his late teens. He said his parents weren't very strict with stuff when he was growing up so he got into stuff like that. Howard asked Artie what he could win at this point. Artie said that he thinks that a lot of this came about after his father got paralyzed.
Artie said that he wouldn't want to give up being famous just because he can't bet in public. Howard said that it's all probably some very complicated stuff. Artie said that when he goes to a Yankee game people do come up to him and it's gotten to be more and more so it is kind of tough to go out and enjoy something like that.
Howard said that Artie's perfect life would be to be really rich but not be famous. Artie said that Sam Simon is a guy who has the money but not the fame because people don't recognize him. Robin and Howard said that Sam wants chicks to come up to him when he goes out to Vegas but it doesn't happen for him as much as it would for someone who is more recognizable.
Howard said he knows a wealthy guy who he knows that has a ton of money but he flies under the RADAR because no one recognizes him. Howard said he would love that himself but it's not going to happen.
JD had pulled the clip of this woman talking about him on this religious show so Howard played that. In the clip this preacher was talking about this book that was written by this woman Liz Curtis Higgs, called ''Embrace Grace.'' He said that Howard Stern had called this woman a bad girl at some point in her life. Howard said he doesn't remember doing that though. Howard said he remembers her as being a 20-something year old woman but now she's an old lady.
In the interview Liz claims that Howard worked with her at WWWW and one day told her she needed to clean up her act. She took his advice and did that. Now he's a religious freak. Howard said he doesn't think people need religion to clean up their acts like some people think they do. Howard said it was kind of freaky to tun in and see this woman he sued to work with talking about stuff like that.
He took a call from Bobo after that and also mentioned that he got a lot of feedback about the Penny Crone special that ran on Howard TV. He said a lot of people really liked that special. Bobo said that he saw Beth in a picture recently where she looked really good. Howard said that Beth was hired by Gillette to promote this Fusion razor that he's actually been using. He said she had to go out and take pictures with guys who won some contest they were running. He said that he doesn't really have a problem with her going out to do that stuff. If she's going to cheat on him she's going to do it no matter what so he doesn't want to worry about it.
Bobo told Howard to check out this FHM magazine cover that he was talking about because this chick in the magazine has a really great ass. Howard said he's seen that chick but she doesn't do it for him at all. Gary said that he knows of the woman that Bobo is talking about and she's one of those chicks who has a big ass. He said some guys go nuts for that but it doesn't do it for him either. Gary said they kind of created that whole thing by putting her on the cover of the magazine.
Howard said that he likes a Pam Anderson look with the long, thin legs and the big boobs. Artie said that Jennifer Aniston has a great ass. Howard said he agrees with that but it's attached to that sour-puss face of hers. Artie agreed that she does have that look but her ass is still great. Bobo asked Howard when Pam is going to hit the wall. Howard said he thinks the face is going to be the first to take a hit and it's going to start looking weirder and weirder.
Howard said he hopes that Pam goes in the Marilyn Monroe direction and maybe doesn't make it to the age of 60. Howard said he was just kidding but he hopes that she doesn't stay in the public eye when she's not hot. Gary said that Shelly Winters was apparently hot at some point but he finds that very hard to believe.
Howard said that he used to beat off to women when he was a kid to women like Honey West, Ann Francis, Barbara McNair and Stella Stevens. Artie said he used to beat off to Barbara Eden back when he was a kid. Robin said she'd like to see Raquel Welch now. Gary said she was still hot when she was about 50.
Artie said he told his friend Deej that he was going down so he blew off his family and went down with him. He said he and his friend were talking about what they would say to the guy when they met him and they were all gay with that stuff. He said that they were told that Springsteen was there and the guy was going to bring them back there.
Howard said he met Bruce one time and he wasn't all that talkative. Artie said that Howard used to be one of the guys that he and his buddies always wanted to meet. He said he got close to Bruce when this guy tapped him on the shoulder and told him who he was. He mentioned he was on Howard's show and all of that. Bruce turned to him and asked him how he was doing in that Bruce voice of his. Artie said that it was really anti-climactic. He said he told Bruce who he was and Bruce just said ''Alright man, yeah.'' Artie said his buddy shook his hand and then they just stood there not saying a word for a few seconds.
Artie said that he told Bruce that his music has meant a lot to him and his friend growing up. Bruce then says ''Alright man, take care.'' Artie said that he kind of understands that kind of thing because he knows how a celebrity deals with the fans. He said if it was a hot chick he would have probably talked to her.
Howard said he met Bruce this one time and Bruce was with his wife. He said he went over to him and said hi to him but he knew that they were kind of having a Mexican stand off. He said his wife came over and stared at him like she was seeing a monster. She couldn't stop staring at him for whatever reason.
Robin said she met Bruce one time too at a Rain Forest concert. She said she knew a lot of people from going to those concerts so she waited until he was in a conversation with James Taylor. She said she went over to them and spoke to James until James introduced him. Then Bruce got into the conversation.
Artie said he heard that Bruce was into Howard until the late 80s when he must have said something about him. Artie said he and his friend were going over what could have gone wrong in that conversation. They figured that maybe Bruce thought that he was like a Stuttering John who was going to ambush him. Artie said the coolest part of the night was when Bruce and that other guy performed some songs at this club.
Gary said he's tried to meet the guy a few times but he came close but didn't actually meet him. Artie said he's seen like 50 of his concerts and stuff like that so he's a really huge fan.
Gary said that he could help produce the show but Robin didn't think they had enough time to put it together before Christmas. Howard said he thinks this guy is on to something. The caller said that his idea was a bit grander and wanted to get Howard TV involved to tape it. Howard said they're always involved. The caller said he wanted to maybe do it for Easter and follow her around picking the songs and stuff. Robin said she would do it but she really can't do anything for Christmas. Howard said that maybe she can do it on New Year's Eve. She said she's going to be in Barcelona at that time so she can't make it.
Artie said he'll be doing some stuff on New Year's Eve when he has a band on stage with him. He'll be performing songs and stuff and they'll be broadcasting that on New Years Eve. Howard took another call from a guy who said he doesn't want to hear Robin singing. He made fun of her not getting that TV show deal she had a few years ago.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he remembers Howard goofing on Bruce many years ago and how he thought he'd never listen to Howard again after that. Artie said he realizes that he has to make compromises when you're a fan of the Stern show. Howard said he appreciates some of Bruce's music but he was never into the cultish kind of worship that people have for him.
Artie said that he and Howard have only one person in common who they love... and that person is Howard. Artie said that he loves Howard and Howard loves Howard so they do have that in common. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Artie said that Eddie Murphy was interviewed and was talking about how miserable he is. In the article they talk about how hated Eddie Murphy is to work with. He spent a minute on that before Howard moved on to some other things.
Howard said that he's been playing a lot of heavy metal music on the show lately and a lot of people say they don't want them playing that stuff anymore. He had a new one to play though so he played some of this band performing a metal version of ''Little Drummer Boy.'' Artie was laughing his ass off as it was playing. Howard said he still likes the band with the dog that they played last week.
Howard had another metal song that he wanted everyone to listen to and figure out what it was called. Howard played that song but no one could understand what it was. Howard said it was ''Entrails Ripped from a Virgin's Cunt'' by Cannibal Corpse. Howard read the lyrics and played the song again so they could hear what he was talking about.
Howard played a little bit of the Little Drummer Boy song again and said he wanted to read some mail. Richard Christy came in and told him he had some more Caninus songs to play as well. Howard played some of the songs where they have a pit bull growling and barking during their songs. Richard said that one of the guys in that band apparently used to be one of Robin's interns back in about 2000.
Howard asked Paul what's going on and why he's going to go ahead with this. Paul said it's already a done deal and he's just saying ''no'' to the N-word. Paul said that he talked to Richard Pryor about dropping the N-word many years ago when he dropped it from his act. Paul said he thought it was wild for him to drop that word from his act. He didn't stop using it himself back then though.
Howard said he's not a fan of the N-word but he thinks that there is a certain flavor to it that can make a punch line work. He said that if it's used in the right way, by a black comedian, it can make a joke work. Paul said that he's seen the light and he's used it enough at this point.
Paul said he got freaked out when he saw Michael Richards ranting like that. He said he knows the guy seeing him doing what he was doing just made him snap. He said he thought about why Richards was doing what he did and wasn't sure why he went there.
Paul said that Richards was a great comedian many years ago before he was on Seinfeld and he was trying to make a comeback. He said that the worst part is that the black people in that audience were whiter than Michael was. He said you could hear it in their voices when they were yelling back at him. He went on to say that Michael was trying to hurt back and tried to be funny but it didn't work. He kept digging a hole deeper and deeper and he thought he was in a Klan movie or something. He said he would never give anyone the power with that word again after seeing that video clip.
Paul said he has started doing shows without using the N-word and it worked out just fine. He said that he did slip at one point but he was doing a character at the time. He said he was doing a dog as if he was talking to OJ when he let it slip.
Paul said that Dave Chappelle came to his show to see him do it without the N-word. He said that when he slipped though, the audience went nuts. They loved it. Robin said she knew that he would slip and couldn't stay on the wagon for long. Paul said that it's his right to change his mind though so he can use it or not use it if he wants to.
Howard asked Paul how often he used the N-word in his act when he was using it. Paul said it was a lot. He said he went on stage and said ''Hello black people'' instead of using the N-word the night he did that show. Paul said that people seem to want Richards to be deported from the country and stuff like that.
Paul told Howard that he thinks that Michael Richards paying off the people he offended isn't good enough for him. He said he wants Richards to have to give Oprah Winfrey head on her show. He thinks that would make things right.
Howard said that he thinks that it's kind of ridiculous that they want him to pay this family. Paul said that Michael is not well and he shouldn't be agreeing to do stuff like that. Paul said he was actually one of the guys who met with Michael when Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton met with him. Howard wondered why he was included in that group. He said they could have gotten Chris Rock or Eddie Murphy or someone like that. Paul thinks that he's one of the originators who used the word in his act so that's probably why they asked him.
Howard asked Paul if he had to agree to give up the word to be part of that meeting. Paul said that would never happen, he decided to do that on his own. Paul said he went to this meeting and Michael saw him come in. He said he seemed to be shocked to see him.
Howard interrupted and said that DL Hughley said that if the people in that audience were real 'ni**ers' they wouldn't have let Richards get out of the club that night. Paul said that there was a comedian who got beat up after using the N-word on stage. It is a dangerous thing to say on stage so you have to watch it.
Howard asked Paul if he thinks that rappers should stop using the N-word. Paul said that he thinks that it all has to stop. He got back to the Michael Richards thing and said that Richards gave him a really tight hug and told him about how he's not a racist. He said that some white people came to him and told him they feel the same way. He said he doesn't want to be the head of the Klan and that stuff scares him.
Howard wonders why Richards is talking to these people. Paul said that he had a mental breakdown, it's that simple. He said that it's time to heal and they have to make time to take lemons and make lemonade. He also pointed out that Mel Gibson was the atomic bomb with his comments and Richards was just part of the fall out of that whole thing.
Paul said that the meeting he was in was a couple of hours long. He said that Richards is not in denial and knows what his demons are. Howard suggested that he go out on tour with Richards on ''The Healing Tour'' and both of them can not use the N-word on stage. He wondered if the mood of the meeting was really heavy. Paul said things kind of lightened up as it went on. Paul said it was a big deal and they had food and liquor there. Artie asked if there was any blow. Paul just laughed.
Paul said that there were people yelling at Michael in the meeting. He said that everyone is using the word though so maybe Richards shouldn't be taking the fall for it. Howard said that the white man used that word as the last word blacks heard before they were lynched. Paul said that no one should be using that word at all now.
Howard took a call from Irish John who brought up the Barbara Walters story that Paul told a few weeks ago when he was on. He claimed that Richard Pryor had slept with Barbara. When she called the show, she said that she never did that and it was a lie. She said that it was a lie on her show when he called her during vacation. Paul laughed and said that if she denies it, what can he say. He claims he never saw them banging but Howard thought that's what was going on.
Irish John said that Paul is back peddling. Paul said that's not the case, he said that Richard told him not to talk about it until he was gone. He also had a new name to add to the list and said that Richard was with Connie Chung when she was still hot and doing the news. He said that she was coming around to see Richard all the time back then. Robin asked if he ever saw them kiss. Paul said that they were tongue kissing all the time.
Howard said that Connie was a beauty and Paul said that you have to go back about 15 years, that's when she was still hot. Howard took another phone call from a guy who asked why they're making such a big deal about Paul Mooney not using the N-word anymore. He said he doesn't give a shit himself. Artie said that if his uncle stopped using it, that would be progress. He doesn't think that it effects what white people do when Paul stops using it.
Artie said he doesn't think that white people care if a black comedian stops it. Howard took another call from a guy who said that Paul is very funny today. Howard said he's always funny. Paul said that he thinks they should start fining people for using the word like the FCC does with cursing. Howard told him that's ridiculous though and you can't fine people for speaking their minds.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he thinks that Paul is full of shit with all of this. Paul asked him if he could live in a world without that word. They spent a few seconds going back and forth on that. Howard took some more phone calls after that. One guy got Paul so fired up that he used the B-word (bitch) when he was telling the guy he was fucking his mother. Earlier he had claimed that he was going to stop using that word along with the N-word. Paul said he had a little bit of a meltdown and laughed his ass off for a few seconds.
Howard played some of the interviews that Sal the Stockbroker did with some people up in Harlem recently. Paul got a few laughs out of that stuff too. One of the guys was using the N-word like crazy during one of the interviews.
Howard asked Paul if Michael Richards is safe in this world. Paul said that Richards is going to have to go through a healing period and this is far from being over for him. Howard told Paul that maybe Richards should have to eat out Rosa Parkes and some other famous black women in history to get over this whole thing. Paul suggested Harriet Tubman. They all threw in some other names. Artie threw in Wheezie Jefferson while the other guys were throwing in other famous black women. Paul started laughing his ass off at a few of the things they were talking about at that point. Howard told him that he should have brought up that eating out Oprah idea at that meeting they had with Richards.
Howard gave Paul a few plugs for his DVD ''Paul Mooney: Know Your History - Jesus Was Black, So Is Cleopatra'' during the interview. The DVD is coming out in February.
Artie said they were forgetting about the most important black woman for Richards to eat out, Whoopi Goldberg. Paul said that Whoopi called him and asked for a pass using the N-word for one show she had coming up. After that she's going to stop using it. Artie asked for a pass using it during the next Giants game.
Paul told Howard that he saw the new movie that Eddie Murphy is in and he thinks it's going to make billions because it's an old school kind of movie. Howard asked Paul why they didn't call him to be part of that meeting he had with Michael Richards. He would have loved to have been there for that. He also suggested that they have Michael eat out the Willaims sisters after they've played tennis. Paul seemed to like that idea.
Howard was throwing out more names for the Michael Richards eating out thing. Paul liked when Howard suggested Macy Gray. The figured that she probably has a big bush down there. They got sidetracked talking about Scientology for a short time. Paul then said that for the eating out show they would have to have Lassie the dog as the final eating out. Robin said she has to go see Paul doing his shows at Caroline's later this month to see if he can make it through without using the N-word.
Howard thanked Paul for coming in to clear things up... and then said that he cleared nothing up. Paul said that they still have to work on getting other people to stop using the word. Howard told him it's always a pleasure to have him there. He gave him a plug for his album and went to break.
Howard read through some e-mail and said that people liked the Katt Williams interview. Robin said that Katt had two cups with him and he kept spitting into one of them. Artie thought he was chewing tobacco. Robin said she thought that might be what he was doing but she wasn't sure. Howard said that chewing tobacco is the worst thing you can do and any oral surgeon will tell you that. Artie said he has friends who are addicted to it.
Howard said that some people wrote in about the Tito Ortiz interview and how he was talking about fighting Chuck Zito. Tito said he could beat his ass no problem but the fans think that Chuck could take him. Artie said he would never fuck with Chuck no matter what.
Howard read an e-mail about Benjy showing up in the celebrity pictures on his web site. Howard said he's kind of like their Alfred E. Newman and kind of likes it. Artie said that Benjy was in a picture of James Brown that was pretty funny. Howard said it is kind of fun to look at Benjy in those pictures so that's how people should look at it.
Artie said that people ask him what he thinks was the best interview he's ever seen Howard do and he thinks that it was the Paul McCartney interview. He talked to Paul about how he had sent Yoko Ono over to John's apartment when she came to his apartment one day looking for stuff to auction off. He wasn't attracted to her so he sent her off to John Lennon's apartment as a goof. Next thing they knew John had fallen in love with Yoko.
Howard took a call from a guy who had more about that Dear Prudence story. He told the guys what he knew about the story and corrected Artie about some of what he said. Howard had Fred play the song for them so everyone would know what they were talking about. Howard said his song would be ''Dear Prudence, Swallow My Load'' so Fred threw in some gagging sound clips while the song was playing.
Howard said that the song was cool and had Fred play another one that was about Jane Fonda called ''She Said, She Said.'' That led to Artie talking about another song that he heard was actually Eric Clapton being sarcastic about his wife taking too long getting ready one night. Howard wanted to hear that one as well so Fred played ''Wonderful Tonight.'' Howard listened to the lyrics and it could have been Clapton goofing on her. Fred said he heard the same thing about that song.
Howard said he doesn't know what this one song was about so he played Mark Harris' song ''I'm a Gay Papa.'' The guys said that was a tough one to figure out. Howard said that the Beatles ''Black Bird'' was supposed to be about black's rising up but Fred told him that it was about Dianna Ross and said that's what McCartney had said when he came in.
Howard said he also wanted to know about this other song... and played Ed Torian the Lie Detector guy singing ''My Niggas.'' Gary came in and said that there are some other mis-interpreted songs like Green Day's ''Time of Your Life (Good Riddance)'' because people think it's a nice song when it's really a ''fuck you'' type of song. Howard said you don't know that unless you're Billy Joe from the band though. Howard played some of that song and said that he had a moment over the weekend and got really jealous of that guy when he heard one of the songs and heard a harmony that sounded so great. Fred thought it might have been ''Boulevard of Broken Dreams.'' Howard said it would be so cool to have that kind of talent and be able to perform it on stage for people. He said that made him jealous for a short time but he got over it pretty quick.
Howard said he had a ''Boulevard of Broken Booeys'' song parody to play. He played that song which was done by Sal the Stockbroker. That led to him talking about how many Baba Booey songs they've had come in lately. He wanted to play some of those. The first one was ''Booey Fever'' which was one of his new favorites. He also had a ''Booey Sharona'' that he quickly played.
Gary told John to say how much he made from doing that porn movie he made. John didn't make a cent, he didn't even get that out before Howard figured it out. John tried talking but each time he tried to speak, Howard would play one of the song parodies they have where they put in his many different stutters. John eventually tried to tell Howard about why he didn't make money off of that DVD. He said the DVD sold but the ugly little troll who runs the company... Howard cut him off and said he doesn't have to disparage anyone. John said that he got the shaft in more ways than one with that whole deal.
As John was stuttering again Howard played another song parody. Howard told John he's glad he's out of the porn business and he hopes that he can find true love. He told him that maybe he should stop trying to talk and maybe learn sign language instead. John told Howard that he needs a deaf, dumb and blind girl.
Howard took a call from a guy who had to know who was playing those songs while John was stuttering. Fred said it was Howard, not him.
Howard said that his cousin Richie sent him a box of new stuff from this new company he's got. Years ago he ran a health food store that was sold to Whole Foods and they got really huge. Now he's doing some kind of bee thing where they make products out of bee products. He said the name of the company is like Bee Suticles or something like that. He said he can't stand bees himself and he's not sure why they're so into them. Howard said he took some of this bee stuff and rubbed it on his elbow and it seemed to work.
John told Howard that he tries to support that stuff because he's a vegetarian himself. Howard said that Beth was asking him to cut out all meats but he eats a lot of chicken. He said he could keep eating fish though. He said he does get grossed out when he thinks about eating a bird though. Robin said she's thought about that when she's ripping into a chicken sometimes.
John said that he supplants the protein with a lot of nuts and beans. Howard told him he's got so much difficulty with his speech that he really should learn sign language and start banging deaf girls.
Howard asked John if he's doing comedy. John said he did one with Bob Levy but he no longer wants him doing shows with him. Howard told John that doing stand-up comedy is not for him and he has to be taken in small doses. Howard said that if he went out and just said ''ha, ha, ha, ha.... Hello'' or something, that might work. He played those song parodies before John could say anything though.
John told Howard one of his jokes even after Howard told him he didn't want to hear it. John asked ''How do you make a country grow?'' ''You shoot a load on it...'' Artie said he could hear Bob Levy pulling him to the side telling him which jokes worked and which didn't.
John said that he's been staying home a collecting SSI and going to therapy. He was telling the guys a story but Howard cut him off with one of the many song parodies he had from Dan the Song Parody Man. John said that his psychiatrist is hot but when he tried to tell Howard more about her, he got cut off and had to listen to more of the parodies.
John had to compete with the song parodies and with Fred doing his impression of him. John said that he and Benjy both have an infatuation with... who knows, Howard cut him off again and played another song parody. Howard told John that he should go out and perform some of these songs instead of doing comedy. Howard took a call from someone who had John the Stutterer audio clips to talk to John the Stutterer. John on the phone was calling John on the show names. John figured it was that ''scumbag the midget'' calling in to goof on him so he wasn't going to respond to it.
John said that the guy manipulating the clips was the guy who looks like Robin Williams. Artie figured it was Sal playing the clips but John apparently thought it was Yucko the Clown.
Howard said that he thinks he's doing Letterman next Tuesday. Artie said he's going to be doing it on January 3rd. Howard said he doesn't really have anything to talk about but he's going to go on anyway. Artie said he thought it would be cool to do the show the same night as Howard but they're apparently doing it about a month apart.
John the Stutterer suggested that Howard take some strippers on and stick straws up their cunts and asses and suck out the juices. He didn't stutter once when he said that. He said that's one thing that he loves to do so it came right out when he though of it.
Howard played a prank call that Evil Dave Letterman made to Mark Harris one time. After that he brought up some articles about how SIRIUS is going to be offering video in the future and that maybe coming later next year.
Howard took a call from Blue Iris (audio clips) but John knew that it was just a recording. Blue was telling him how youthful he was and how she wanted to tickle his prostate. John told her to go fuck a duck. He knew it was a recording and didn't want to play along with it. Howard asked John if he had gotten laid since doing the porn movie. He said ''No, of course not...''
Howard had Bob Levy on the phone so he asked him why he's not using him on stage. Bob said that the shows are only an hour and a half and he goes like 20 minutes with 3 jokes. He said he should do something different like juggle or something.
Howard read that Jay Leno is suing someone over stealing some of his jokes. Howard said that's ironic because Jay and his writers steal bit ideas from his show all the time.
Howard read an article about how SIRIUS up in Canada has 200,000 subscribers and 70 percent of the satellite subscribers up there. They've beat XM 2-1 in a level playing field up there.
Howard found another article about Larry King recently and what a scumbag he was years ago. He apparently used to ask to borrow money from the families of the women he would marry. This book that was in the article, ''Miami Beach Memories: A Nostalgic Chronicle of Days Gone By,'' claims that there are still a lot of angry people down there who were never paid back the money they lent him.
Howard took another call, this time from Wood Yee audio clips, but John wasn't answering him either. He knew that they were just audio clips and he wasn't going to answer them. They had Mike Walker audio clips that they called in with a short time later. John said that he's not an idiot and he knows that they're just audio clips. They called in with some Mark the Bagger audio clips next. John just sighed and refused to answer. He moaned like he was in pain over the whole thing.
John told Howard he wanted to make a political statement. Howard told him to keep it short. He said ''Fuck Anne Counter, Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, Tucker Carlson...'' and every other conservative jerk off out there. Howard took another call from the guys who had some Riley Martin audio clips. Howard said that was enough of that for now.
John asked if he could bring in the Christmas gift that he had for him. Howard told him he didn't want anything from him and he shouldn't be buying him gifts. Howard then took a call from Artie Lange who called John a loser faggot. John said it wasn't really Artie because Artie was sitting right there. Artie threw in some of those lines for real but then told John he loves him.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she has a really hot hooker out in Vegas for him. Artie told her to do him a favor and find him a casino tomorrow. He did tell her to leave her number with the guys just in case he wants to hook up with her. The woman said she had been with this chick and had to pay about $600. She said she looked like a young Whitney Houston. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard played the call that Artie was talking about. The guys had taken clips of Ronnie and called this guy which freaked the guy out and got him really pissed off very quickly. Howard said that guy on the phone is probably one of those guys who goes nuts in a fight. He could tell just from hearing him in that call.
Howard talked about watching a fight over the weekend and how tough it was. Howard said he only lasted about 5 rounds before he tuned out. Robin said that's about how far into that fight she got as well.
Howard said that he was listening to the Intern Show the other day and they were talking about what kind of gifts they'd like to get if they got gifts from him. He said that he gives the interns gifts every year and they must not realize that.
Howard mentioned that he's been giving all kinds of gifts and just gave Doug Goodstein some baby stuff. Artie said he wanted to talk about the gift that he got from Howard but Howard was afraid it was going to open a can of worms... but he told Artie to go ahead and do it.
Artie said that he hardly ever crows over what he gets but Howard is going to be flying some people down to Bubba's wedding in Florida and will be paying for their rooms as well. Gary said that is a great gift. Howard said that this private jet only had 10 seats. He said he realized that there are only 10 seats on the plane and Artie and Robin are both not bringing a guest. He said that Benjy sits in the studio but if he invites Benjy, he might have a problem. He said he might insult Richard and Sal if he doesn't invite them on the plane. He said that all three of them are big contributors but he figured he might have to keep it to just the main people on the show.
Howard wonders if he should put Tim Sabean and his wife on the plane or Benjy. Then he had Ross over to his place and Ross asked him when he was going down. He said Benjy has to come before Ross because he's on the show. He said he's planning on getting people nice gifts for Christmas but this flight is really something.
Gary came in and said that he wants to have some people to his house so he's setting up a party for all of the guys. Howard cut off Gary and said that Bubba isn't even having a dinner for his wedding so they have to go out and have dinner somewhere else. Howard said he's not going to take Bubba out for dinner either because he's flying all of these guys down there for the wedding.
Gary said that he's been on a private jet before and there's no delay or anything like that when they fly. Howard said that maybe they should just fly to Miami and just forget about Bubba so they can have a nice vacation.
Gary got back to his party and said he had to come up with a cut off somewhere. He said that Benjy has become more of a part of the show since they moved there and he can't slight him. Robin said that Tim Sabean might have to take that spot though and Howard might have to cut him off. Artie wanted to take Benjy as his guest if that was the case then.
Benjy said that the only reason he cares is because it becomes a status thing for the future. He said he wants to come it's fine but it won't kill him if he doesn't get invited. Gary understood what Benjy was saying because he'd be considered second tier if he wasn't on that plane. Howard thinks that Benjy has been there as long as Jason and Will but Gary said he's actually been there much longer.
Sal came in and said that Benjy deserves to go on that plane and he and Richard have no problem with that. He also said that Benjy should be on that plane before Tim Sabean is. Howard said that Benjy would be staring at them and doing weird shit on that flight so he's really not sure he wants to do that.
Artie said that he's going to buy bus tickets for Sal, Richard and the others. Scott the Engineer came in and said that he's been with the show for 21 years and he can't believe that his name didn't come once. Howard said he knew that he shouldn't have gotten this as a gift. Gary said he thinks that Scott is really pissed too. Howard said Scott doesn't know that he stood up for him many times at K-Rock and he probably doesn't even realize that. He wanted an apology for what he just did because of that.
Robin said that Bubba got some Liquid Ass on his show the other day and sprayed it on 25 Cent who got pissed but had to apologize to Bubba for getting mad at him. He took a $20 pay off to stop being mad at him for the spraying of the shit smell.
Howard said he feels that everyone on the show, including Scott, is just as important as he is. He said he means that too, he's not just saying it. He said that Benjy is key to the show and he only has a few seats and has to draw the line somewhere. Howard said that if Artie and Robin were bringing someone, it would settle the whole thing. Artie asked if he could settle things by bringing a stripper, he'd do that. Howard said that would be fine and it would help if he did that.
Robin said she could bring her nephew but Artie said he doesn't want him on the plane because he makes him feel stupid. Artie said that Scott has an argument if the longevity thing is part of the whole equation. Benjy is a huge asset to the show though so he should probably be on that flight. Robin said she doesn't think that Benjy isn't worthy of the flight but Tim Sabean is very important to them as well.
The guys talked about how this wedding is already causing problems and they can't believe it's going on already. Gary thanked Howard very much for the gift because it really is huge. Artie said that he's surprised that Ronnie isn't pissed too.
Robin said that Howard should consider flying Tim Sabean down if she and Artie don't fill up the seats. Ronnie came in and said that Scott is out in the hall freaking out about the whole thing. Robin said that Scott isn't even going to the wedding. Scott came in and said that his wife wasn't going to go but he never said he wasn't going. He was still up in the air about the whole thing.
Howard told Scott that he's so insulted by Scott over this whole thing and he can't believe he's treating him like this. Scott said that Benjy is a piece of shit and shouldn't be going on that flight before him. Gary told Howard that Bubba was on the phone.
Howard picked up Bubba and asked him why he isn't having a dinner with this wedding. Bubba said he's not expecting a gift from Howard, he's just happy that he has a gig. Howard told him that he's flying all of these guys in. Bubba didn't know about that. He also talked about the snacks and stuff that they're having after the wedding. He said it's a late wedding and he's not into that whole dinner thing.
Artie asked Bubba if he expects him to wear a suit to this wedding. Bubba told him he doesn't have to do that and told him that he could wear one of his old suits from when he was fat.
Howard wanted to go down and lay out by the pool but Bubba told him that it's kind of cool, like 50-55 at night, and in the 60s or 70s. Howard wanted to skip the wedding and go to Miami instead. Bubba said that he was really nervous this morning talking to them about this stuff.
Artie told Howard that Tampa isn't going to be a treat in January so maybe they should go to Miami instead. He suggested that they go to the Super Bowl instead.
Artie was talking about the Doll House strip club down there in Tampa. That led to Bubba talking about how he was just there on Saturday night and some dude was sending him bottles of Kristal and Dom and put him in a strange situation there.
Howard asked Bubba what he thought about the Benjy and Tim Sabean thing. Bubba was stumped but eventually just said it should be Tim Sabean since he's his boss. He has more interaction with him and he can control his destiny more than Benjy can. Howard also asked Bubba about the dinner. Bubba said that he has some off duty sheriffs coming to the wedding to do security. He's going to have people bussed over from their hotel too because the wedding is about 15 minutes away.
Howard said he has to get out of there by 11 this morning so he really had to wrap this up. He asked Robin to let him know when she has a final decision. Howard took a call from Kyra who said she lives in Clearwater, Florida and knows where the food is coming from for his wedding and it's really good stuff. Artie said that good food down there is like something from Penn Station there in New York.
Bubba said that he thinks that Artie will end up coming to the wedding with Dana somehow so he wasn't going to hook him up with hot chicks like he was suggesting. Artie said he'll fuck that Akira chick's brains out. He's single now so he can do stuff like that.
Howard asked Robin if she was bringing anyone or not. Both she and Artie said that they aren't going to bring anyone. Fred said that he would suggest bringing Benjy and he wouldn't want Scott on there because of two words... ''Lynrd Skynrd.'' His black cloud might just follow them down there and take them all out at once. Howard said that Tim would be a lot more fun than Benjy though. Robin said she was going with Tim but maybe Benjy should be on there. Howard took their votes and said that he would have to go with him then.
Howard couldn't believe he was going to say it, he couldn't even get the words out. He said he was going to throw up thinking about it. He wanted to tell Benjy he was invited so Fred played a drum roll and asked him if he really wanted to be on there. Richard came in and asked if Ralph was going. Howard said he's not in that category so he wouldn't be on it. He then gave Benjy the official invitation. Benjy accepted.
Benjy said that maybe he can bring his luggage to the airport and they can just see what happens. Benjy thinks that Howard will tell him that he was invited the whole time but he will never know if that's the truth or not. Robin remembered the time when Stuttering John had a cold and was sneezing and snotting on everything while they were flying somewhere on a private jet.
Howard asked Robin if she wanted to take back her vote. She said she thinks he's deserving but she said she can't remember having a pleasant conversation with him. Benjy said he has to talk to his girlfriend because he's not sure if she can go yet. Howard told him that if she can't go then Robin can bring her nephew or Artie can bring a whore.
Howard got back to Steve Langford. Steve got back to his report and said that they'll have a story about Cabbie's comedy show. They also have a new Page 69 report about Richard Christy. He wrapped up and Howard had Jon Hein give his show preview. Jon said they'll be talking about this latest story that they just went over during the show today. They probably won't have much time for anything else today. Howard had Robin start her news right after that.
One story Robin brought up got the guys talking about what they would do if one of their kids grew up gay. Artie said that if he had a son that grew up gay, he would say that he was disappointed. He said that people are too politically correct these days but he wouldn't be afraid to say that he was disappointed. A short time later Howard was asking Artie if he would rather have a gay son or a son with no limbs. Artie said he would have to choose gay in that case. Then Howard asked him a few other scenarios and Artie said he would rather have a son with a missing foot than have a gay son.
Artie mentioned that they're doing a report on ABC news tonight at 8pm about the Comedy Film Festival that he was part of recently so they'll have some stuff about him in that. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
Howard started off the show saying that he was reading something weird this morning. He said he had no idea that copyright laws in London are different for the music industry than they are here. He said that the copyright laws last for 50 years over in London so in 2012 and 2013 the Beatles catalog will be public domain. Michael Jackson owns the rights to them now but in a few years he's going to lose them to public domain. In the U.S. They last for 95 years. He said that's weird to him.
Howard said that it's strange how something like that goes away after that much time. Robin said that you can't even sing the Happy Birthday song without getting into trouble. Howard said that song must be under the 95 year copyright rule here.
Howard said that he thinks that Bubba took quite a hit money wise when he came to SIRIUS but he's really not sure. Howard asked Artie about what he's going to do about eating that night because he's kind of a big guy. Artie said he'll be drinking and searching for leftovers for the night.
The caller said that Bubba was talking about how many animals he and his crew have between them. They counted 34. He said it must be like a hillbilly wedding that they're going to have down there. Howard said Bubba is just a regular guy when he's on and off the air. Howard said when he goes on Letterman next week he should spray liquid ass on his face like Bubba did to one of his guys.
Howard said he might want to bring that up with Dave next week. He told Gary to make a list of things to talk to Dave about and the Liquid Ass was first on the list.
The caller told Howard to call Donald Trump and ask him to borrow his private jet. Howard said he can't do something like that, he's not that close to the guy. He let the caller go a short time later.
Howard said that they're going to fly down to Tampa, spend a day hanging out and then go to Bubba's wedding the next day. He heard Benjy on the Wrap Up Show yesterday and wanted to play some of the audio from that. He said he's actually very happy about Benjy coming with him but Benjy vented on the Wrap Up Show.
In one clip Benjy was saying that he's glad he's flying down to Tampa because in the long term it can help his career. Howard told Benjy that he's insane and his logic is kind of crazy. He said they won't even remember that he came with them.
Scott the Engineer threw a tantrum about not even being considered to fly down with Howard on this 10 seat private jet. He said that he's not talking to Scott over this whole thing. Scott came in and said that he's fine and moving on after all of that. Howard demanded an apology from him for what he did. Scott said that not bringing up his name is wrong. Howard said he can't mention his name every time and said that Scott was a mental case.
Howard said that Scott is an ingrate and told him to get out. Scott asked why he's an ingrate. Howard told him that he had gone to Tom Chiusano more than once and told him that if they fired Scott, he was gone too. Scott didn't believe that. Howard explained to him that he really did back him up and saved his job. He was told that they couldn't help but fire him so Howard put his foot down and said he would leave if Scott was fired.
Scott compared himself to Barbra Streissand during the Wrap Up Show so Howard played that clip and tried to figure out what point he was trying to make. Scott tried to explain it to Howard but it wasn't coming out right. He told Scott that he's made his life easier by giving his work to other people like Sal and Richard. He couldn't handle the pressure in the past but Sal and Richard can.
Howard started singing a song to Scott about being bald to a Barbra Streissand song. Sal then came in with a picture of a black cloud and held it over Scott's head. Gary told Howard that Scott continued to rant in his office after the Wrap Up Show yesterday and Sal recorded it. Scott claims he knew he was recording it. Howard played the clip and Scott was flipping out that Howard never invites him to anything. He said he was upset that he didn't even get an honorary mention.
Howard said he doesn't have to take him out to dinner and doesn't have to be under his black cloud. He told him to get the fuck out of the studio if he wants to be mentioned. That led to Howard talking about how Scott demanded a million dollar salary when they moved there. Scott said he knew they wouldn't take him seriously and he was very flexible with how much they paid him. He said that the real number he wanted and the million dollar salary got the same reaction there at SIRIUS.
Howard asked Scott what else he should be doing for him other than inviting him to his apartment and taking him to dinner. He said he works with the guy already and isn't sure what else he wants from him. He and Scott have no chemistry together, they're just co-workers.
Artie thought that Scott was over at Howard's apartment for his New Year's Eve party one year. Howard said Scott wasn't invited. He clarified his relationship with Scott and said that they just work together. He thinks that he's a great guy but that's as far as he wants to go with him. He likes working with him and that's it. He has no desire to spend his weekend with him.
Gary said that the guys wanted to play a game with Howard. He gave him names and Howard had to pick which one he would bring on the plane with him. Howard picked JD, Ronnie, Dan the Song Parody Man, Brian Phelan, Steve the Intern, Penny Crone, Mutt, Steve Langford and Siobahn over Scott. He didn't pick Muhammad Atta or Beetlejuice over Scott though.
Howard told Scott that he can't think of a better person to work with but that's all he wants. He told Scott he still expects an apology from him but Scott didn't understand why. Howard told him he hurt his feelings and he wants an apology for that. He didn't bother giving Scott a wave this morning because he's so pissed at him. He didn't want any tension at work and Scott has made him tense.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said that Scott has been complaining for 20 years now and he doesn't realize how many people would kill to have his job. Artie said that Scott has a skill though and he couldn't be replaced by just anyone like Bobo seems to think. Artie admitted that he could be replaced by a fan easier than Scott could.
Robin said she heard that Scott was going off on Howard on the Wrap Up Show from Ronnie who said he's been through similar stuff. Howard said Ronnie used to be a driver, now he stands around pretending to be a security guard. That led to Ronnie coming in and saying that he didn't say anything to Scott but he has been through stuff like this.
Ronnie said that he and Howard once got into a fight over who was invited to a Scores party one time. He said he doesn't have a problem now but Howard seemed to think that he did have a problem.
Howard asked Scott if he's got permission from his wife to go to the wedding down in Tampa. Scott said he was waiting to see who was going before he decides. Everyone figured that Scott wasn't going to show up because he has to get permission from his wife. Scott said that's not true but the guys all think that he's so whipped that he isn't allowed to go. Scott said that he might go and he would like to go to the dinner that everyone is going to. Howard told him he's not invited so Scott said there's no reason to go then.
The guys were goofing on Scott because he has to stay home with his wife after their dog died months ago. Robin said that she has lost 2 cats in the past 4 months but she's not acting like it's the end of the world. Scott said it's like losing a family member though and it's very tough for his wife.
Artie told Scott that he must have quit smoking at just the right time because his voice sounded pretty bad on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Scott said he's got problems and he has screwed up his lungs to the point where he has to take medication.
A caller said that if Howard had never brought Scott over there, he'd probably be changing light bulbs in a bowling ally somewhere. He also goofed on Ronnie so Ronnie went off on the guy.
Ralph called in and said that the loves how Scott has a name for his black lung. Scott calls it COPD. As he was talking about that Sal came in with a broomstick with a wig on it and stuck it on Scott's head. Howard asked Ralph if he's going to Bubba's wedding. Ralph was still on the fence about it.
Ralph said that yesterday's show with John the Stutterer was great, he loved the songs that Howard was playing over him. He also asked Robin about her comments about slavery during the show yesterday. Robin said she didn't think that slavery is depicted the right way in this country and it's not as easy going as people think it was.
Howard let Ralph go and then said goodbye to Scott. Howard ended up saying he was sorry to Scott as he was leaving but said he wasn't really sorry.
Artie said that now he has to figure out what to get Bubba for a wedding gift. He said he wasn't sure what to do since they're not even serving dinner. Robin said you're supposed to cover dinner costs but they're not even having dinner. Howard said he's going to get him some pickled pigs feet or something. Howard said he was going to give Bubba a grand. Robin said she was going to give five grand. Artie figured he'd give a grand himself.
Howard and Robin were giving Bubba's marriage about 3 years to last. Fred said he gives it a few years but he thinks Bubba will cheat within 6 months. Artie gave them 5 years.
Howard said he was talking to Beth about marriage and how he sees no reason to do it because he doesn't plan on having any kids. Benjy asked Howard if Beth would break up with him if he asked her to have kids. He said he thinks that she doesn't want kids right now so she probably would. Fred said that doesn't last that long because a switch goes off one day and all of a sudden they want kids.
Robin said that she knows a woman who had to break up with a guy because he wanted to have kids and she didn't. Howard said that he would prefer if Beth never changed but Robin told him that's very selfish of him to ask something like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that a lot of people are doing weddings like Bubba is where they don't have dinner because so many people complain about it. Another caller said that she can't stand the thought of losing him and doesn't want him flying with everyone to Florida. She's afraid that Scott's black cloud is going to be lifted for that day and they're going to leave him behind. Howard said he hates flying and doesn't even want to think about that. Howard asked Artie if he's going to wear a suit to the wedding. Artie wasn't sure yet.
Howard said he met Carl Bernstein the other night at a friend's house. He said he thinks that the guy likes the show. He spent a short time talking about that and then said that he's thinking of dressing like the Crocodile Hunter when he goes to Bubba's wedding. He said he could run around catching bugs and fake crocodiles while he's at the wedding.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who said that Bubba's wedding is supposed to be really nice. He also said that Bubba is afraid that they're going to goof on his wedding on the show. Howard said everything will be fine.
Artie also told Howard that he screwed him yesterday when he mentioned the city where he had been seen making a deal with his bookie. He said he can't gamble now because the guy won't deal with him. He said the guy is sort of known there and he won't take his bets.
Howard told Artie he didn't have to say what he was doing at that diner, he could have just said that he was just meeting a friend. Howard had another letter from the guy who saw him but Artie didn't want him reading it. Howard said that he never did say what city it was where he was at, he just said what city it bordered. Artie was ready to meet this guy in person because the guy thought he wouldn't say anything to his face.
Ralph called in and told Artie he didn't have to say what he was doing out there at that diner. He could have just said it was a friend. No one was digging into his business, he just offered it up. Ralph also said he would take Artie's action because his bets are horrible. The two of them ended up calling each other names for a short time over all of that. They both said that they like each other though.
Artie was still goofing on the guy who wrote this letter and getting pissed at that guy. Ralph was throwing in some lines about Artie being fat and stealing his jokes from some hack like Jackie Martling. Artie said that he once saw Ralph steal $100 during a card game. He said he was going to stop there with his stories though.
Ralph called back in and said that he never steals money. Artie said that he made up that story and he was wrong about it. He said that maybe he didn't remember it right. He said that Ross saw it happen so maybe he would come in and confirm it.
Ralph started goofing on Artie about the way he stuffs his face... and a few seconds later he said he loves Artie. Artie said that it wasn't right to bring up that whole thing so he was going to drop it but Ralph kept goofing on him about his drinking and drug use. Ralph said that he never stole any money and wanted to know who he stole it from. Artie said there was another guy who saw him steal money a second time. He said that guy saw Ralph steal a tip from a table at Nobu.
Ralph asked Artie what happened at Nobu. Artie said that they were hanging at Nobu and Richie covered the bill but told them to leave a tip. Artie and some of the guys there saw Ralph snag some of the tip and confronted him on it. He said it was just a joke and threw the money back. Ralph didn't believe this story and wanted to know where exactly it was. Artie said it was out in Vegas. Ralph said he would never steal money from that place because he's had so many free meals.
Ralph said that he's disappointed in Artie for bringing up that story. He claims he would never steal money from anyone. Howard said he remembers the conversation about this in the past but didn't see it happen. Howard said he remembers both Artie and Ross telling the story but he wasn't aware of what was going on.
Dana's name came up during the conversation but Ralph wasn't aware that Artie had broken up with her. Howard quickly filled him in on how Artie got laid down in Atlantic City. Ralph said he was going to send along a picture of Artie on the plane to Vegas to show who was really out of it that day when he's claiming he stole money.
Howard took a call from Wayne Seagal who was at Nobu that night that Artie was talking about. Wayne said that he put a lot of money up on the table and said that it was short like $100. He asked Ralph if he took it and then Ralph handed over the money that he had taken. They had all put the money in the pot for the waitress and that's when he saw that there was some missing.
Ralph couldn't believe that he was doing this to him five years after it allegedly happened. Wayne said that there's no way Ralph pulled $100 out of his pocket to cover the money that wasn't there. Ralph said that he's not stingy and he would pay if he was supposed to pay. Artie said that he's kind of upset with what Ralph was saying about him. Ralph continued to do that and kept upsetting Artie.
Robin asked Howard who he would believe out of Ralph or Artie about something like this. Howard said he believes that he has to take a break. He thanked the guys and said he was going to go to break but took a couple of phone calls instead. The callers said that the two guys are a couple of wack packers. Ralph kept throwing in little digs at Artie about his movie and stuff like that. One caller said that he really hated Ralph in the past but he started to like him when he moved to SIRIUS, now he hates him again after this morning.
Howard kept taking calls and Ralph kept calling people names. Joey Boots told Ralph that he's so right on and he speaks the truth about everything. He said he believes Ralph about not stealing the money. Joey was the one person who held out on the jury. Howard said that he had already gone an hour and a half without a break. He took a few more phone calls and let people rip on Ralph.
Howard took one call from a guy who Ralph said he liked. Even that guy was saying that Artie should pop Ralph in that berry on his face.
Eric said he was going to be going to see some comedian who won Last Comic Standing. No one was sure why he was telling them that though. Howard said he had to go to break and tried to shut everyone up. Artie thought it was funny that Eric was calling in to tell them he was going to a comedy show. Howard mentioned the last time Eric called in and said that he was ready to fly with balloons but then demanded that he get a part on the TV show ''Heroes.'' Eric said he was looking for a part as an extra or something. Ralph said that he loves Eric but that's fuckin annoying when he makes demands like that.
Eric said that he was also looking to get to the Billboard Music Awards but that aired last night. Howard said it would be great to see Eric on Heroes. Ralph said that it would be kind of cool to see him whip by on his wheelchair.
Gary came in and told Howard that this guy Marshall Sylver had Sal, Richard and Ronnie all hypnotized in the green room and had all of them laughing uncontrollably out there. Howard said he had to get to that stuff but he also had to play some of the porn clips that are finalists for the funniest porn clip.
Eric got in his final word and said that Howard does have connections to the show ''Heroes'' and he could help him get on the show. Howard didn't know what he was talking about. Gary told Eric that they've helped him out in the past and he's such an ingrate that they shouldn't help him again.
Ralph asked Eric if he would fly with balloons on ''Heroes.'' Eric said he wasn't sure but ''possibly.'' Ralph was goofing on Eric doing that voice of his so Eric told him to shut up. Howard said he really had to take a break so he had to finish up with Eric.
Eric said that Howard has a connection with George Takei who is going to be on that show too. Howard said that he's just an actor on the show, he can't help get him on the show. Eric said that he had other things to talk about. He said that they have to stop using that word ''midget'' because it's just as bad as Michael Richards using the N-word. Artie went into the Michael Richards rant but was saying ''HE'S A MIDGET!'' instead of using the N-word. Eric was pissed that they keep using the word because it's just as offensive to him as the N-word would be to a black person.
Eric said that the word is degrading and demeaning to him. Ralph wanted to call him off the air to talk to him. Howard hung up on both of them. King of All Blacks called in and said that he was beating off to Sean Bell's wife when she was on Larry King's show last night. She's the wife of a guy who was shot and killed by the New York City cops. Howard said he knows what King is talking about because she is hot.
In another clip a white girl is having sex with a black guy and tells the guy she wants his ''big ni**er dick'' in her ''little cracker hole.'' Howard played another one where this woman is screeching out in a really high pitched voice as she's orgasming. Howard said they got a lot of entries for this contest and he was just playing a few examples.
Howard had one that was labeled ''Noisy blow job'' so he played that one for the guys. Howard asked Artie which one he liked best so far. Artie liked the blow job. Howard liked the guy screaming. Gary told him that he had another clip for him to play. It was another blow job clip where the woman is gagging on the guy as he's doing her.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's got a wife who didn't want kids for the longest time. Then two years ago she decided she wanted one so now they're having a kid and they're going to name him Artie. He said it's actually Arturo but that was close enough.
Howard played a song parody that Dan the Song Parody Man created to the tune of Dear Prudence. Sal came in a short time later with a new Bob Levy song parody about Robin. Howard played the song which was about Robin's tits of course. Howard said that was very strong and Robin said that it was probably Bob's best song yet.
Marshall said that he's taken five guys on the show and put them under hypnosis. He said that all five of them are under and very good candidates for this. He said that Gary is a great subject and it shows a sign of high intelligence when people are that easy to hypnotize.
Howard read that Marshall had just done a movie so he spent a minute talking about that. Marshall said he put up his own money for the movie and they literally just finished it. Howard wanted to bring in the guys who were hypnotized so they could mess with them. He had JD, Sal, Richard, Ronnie and Gary. Gary said he wasn't hypnotized, he was told he was a great candidate.
JD said he didn't think he fell under the hypnosis. Sal and Richard were ready to go and acting kind of creepy. Ronnie said he didn't know what his expectations were but he did say that he was talking to Lisa earlier and thinks that she's really hot. Artie wondered who Lisa was.
Howard let Marshall go over and start doing whatever he was going to do. Marshall said he wanted to have some fun but didn't want to permanently damage anyone by pushing them too far. Marshall wanted to take the guys to the couch so they wouldn't fall over or anything like that. He told the guys to look at him, had them breathe deeply and then told them to sleep. They all passed out on the couch according to Howard.
Howard told Marshall to take Ronnie and tell him that he's a beautiful Scores girl and have him ride the Sybian. Marshall did his thing and told Ronnie he was going to be Ronnette and he was going to ride the Sybian machine. Ronnette said that he doesn't like his name and it's supposed to be Jaime. Howard called him Jaime and asked her how he became a stripper. ''Jaime'' told Howard that Lonnie called her after finding her in a restaurant. He described her pussy to Howard after he asked about it. He said that she's got a big bush down there. He said it was big but not all that hairy. He wasn't sure if it was smelly or not and started laughing during the discussion. When Howard asked him when he last fucked a guy he just laughed and said he was tearing from laughing so much.
Jaime said that she was only 27 and her pussy wasn't all that tight. She said she's got a lot of boyfriends and they use big things on her. Gary asked him if he ever puts his tongue up a man's ass. He said he loves that stuff. Howard asked her if she wanted to ride the Sybian. She said she wasn't sure but Howard kept asking. She wanted some money to get on it. Marshall tried making his need to ride it stronger and stronger but he was still asking for money.
Howard had Ronnie... er, Jamie, on the Sybian. He was complaining about part of it going up his ass. Ronnie started laughing as soon as Gary turned it on. He rode it for a short time before Howard had him get off of it and go back to the couch. Howard told him he was a pretty girl before Marshall put him back under and back to sleep.
Artie told Marshall to do Ronnie a favor and have ''Jaime'' jump off the roof. Gary said that Jaime's glasses got all fogged up during that whole thing so there must have been some kind of excitement going on.
Howard asked Marshall to ask JD some questions about a gay fantasy. While he was asking about that Ronnie started laughing like crazy. Marshall had to put him back under again. Howard asked Marshall to do some things with JD and told Marshall to turn into something he's not... a studly, ladies man. He told JD to wake up and realize that he was in love with Robin and he was going to sing her a song to profess his love for her.
When Marshall woke JD from his hypnosis, he said he wasn't singing to Robin. He said he wasn't under and wasn't going to sing at all. Marshall said that some people just can't be put under because they fight it too much. He thinks that he's too inhibited. He told him that he's got too much psychobabble going on in his head. JD said he knows that.
Howard told Gary to get rid of JD since he wasn't a good subject. Up next were Sal and Richard. Marshall told them that they were going to be attracted to people in the studio and woke them from their sleep. Sal said that he was attracted to Howard but he wouldn't suck his dick but would tongue kiss him. Sal said that he would even do ass to mouth stuff with him because he'll do anything to make him happy.
Howard asked Richard which guy he likes the most on the show. Richard said that Fred did some things on the show one day and he was attracted to him. Ronnie burst out in laughter when he heard that. Richard went on to talk about how good looking Fred is and how he rides a motorcycle so he's cool. He said he'd like to see Fred with his shirt off to see what kind of shape he's in. He said he'd like to get a massage from him or maybe give him a massage.
Howard asked Richard if he would jerk Fred off. Richard said he doesn't think he could do that. He could probably jerk off in the same room. He said he couldn't bring himself to do any of that stuff. Howard asked him which man he was least attracted to. He said it would be Jason. Sal said it would be Scott the Engineer.
Howard asked Richard who he hates the most on the show. Richard said it was Penny Crone because she's annoying and fake acting. Sal was up next with that question and he said it was actually Fred Norris. He said he thinks that Fred is a sociopath. Sal said that he's hard to read and that scares him. Marshall put them under a short time later.
Howard told Marshall that he's great with this stuff. He gave him a plug for his web site and said that he knows what he's doing. He asked Marshall if he left anything out. Marshall said that they have a program on his web site where guys can learn to pick up women with hypnosis. You can check that out at SubconsciousSeduction.com. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said that he had the guy on the phone who wrote Artie the e-mail where he outted him about the meeting he had at the diner recently. The caller, Paulie, said that he was trying to help Artie, he wasn't trying to get him in trouble. He said he was concerned for him. He said that he's not afraid of Artie beating him up and he would meet with him at the diner if he wants. Paulie said that he found it odd that Artie was meeting his bookie on a Friday. He said that no one meets their bookie on a Friday. Howard ended up hanging up on the guy because Artie didn't seem to be ready to talk to the guy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the bit they just did was great. Howard wondered if Ronnie knew what he had just done. Gary said that he thinks Ronnie knows what went on and he was showing him some stuff in his office. The caller also asked why they can't get Howard TV on the internet so they can buy pay-per-view clips instead of going to digital cable. The guy said he has satellite and doesn't want to go back.
Ronnie came in and said that he saw the video of what he did. Howard got pissed that the guys were showing him off the air instead of in the studio. Ronnie said he was fine with it but wondered why they do that weird shit to him whenever he's put under. He said he it was hideous and horrible what they did to him by putting a blonde wig on him.
Ronnie said he didn't hear any audio, he just saw the video. He was saying that everyone was looking at him weird out in the hall and he wasn't sure why. Then he saw the video and figures that he really does go under because he didn't remember doing that stuff. He said it's great that he gets so relaxed though. He said he was really loose after all of that.
Howard told Ronnie that he sucked Richard's cock during that segment. Ronnie knew that didn't happen because he warned Marshall before he put him under that he would kill him if he made him do anything gay with Richard. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who sounded like he was a bit out of it and couldn't get his thoughts out. Howard asked him if he was drunk or something. The guy said he was and then said ''good night'' and got off the phone. Howard wondered what kind of fan that was calling in and having nothing to say.
Howard said that Lisa G was running around giving out gifts to people there as Christmas gifts. Lisa showed up and told Howard that there were two batches of coupons that she got via e-mail. She said they were good for up to 30 percent off at Bloomingdale's and Macys. Howard said that she handed them out to the people there and Ross' wife got a hold of them and almost got arrested for trying to use them at the store.
Lisa said that she used the first batch of coupons and they worked fine. Then she went to another store and was told she needed the actual postcard. Lisa said that she gave the staff the coupons and no one used them even though they jumped on them when she offered them up.
Lisa said that the coupons she gave out were viral coupons that spread via e-mail and you are allowed to make copies of them.
Lisa got to her Howard 100 News preview and said they have an interview with Gloria Alred. That was it for her preview, Howard booted her out after she mentioned that.
Robin asked Howard if he likes to use his celebrity to get free stuff. Howard said he really doesn't but the other day he mentioned a phone on the air and they contacted him asking him if he wanted a free one. That led to him talking about his Blackberry phone that he thinks sucks. He said he can't hear anything on that phone. He said that this Blackjack phone that he was talking about is supposed to be really good but he hasn't tried one out yet.
Howard said he doesn't know how people type stuff out with their Blackberry phones. He has to sit at a full sized keyboard. Artie said that people use them constantly now. Howard said that Vinnie Favale will send him an e-mail from his Blackberry and he's not sure how he can type that much on one of those things.
Howard said that his email is always full of videos of chicks shitting in a hot tub and stuff like that. He said that this one video was like 3 chicks in a hot tub and one of them ends up shitting herself. He said it was an outtake of some show but Robin thought that they should have put that in the show.
Howard said that they should have left in the part of the Kennedy Center Honors show where Jessica Simpson ran off stage crying. He said that's what he would want to see in a show like that. The clip will probably end up on YouTube and they'll make money instead of the networks making money off of showing that stuff.
Howard had Mark on the phone and told him what he had to do. He would play a question that they asked Eric and the guy had to guess if Eric would answer correctly. Howard played a clip where Benjy was asking Eric what kind of education he had. Eric first explained that he went to high school but not college. He didn't know what his GPA was. He said he was told that he was a little slow when he was in school.
Howard wondered why he doesn't get offered a TV game show because he'd love to do something like Howie Mandel does with ''Deal or No Deal.'' He spent a few minutes talking about how easy that job would be and how he has been offered shows but they were too complicated.
Howard got back to the game a short time later. Here are the questions and the answers that High Pitch Eric gave...
Robin asked Artie if he's ever banged a centerfold. He said he never has but he did do a chick who was in one of the lingerie issues. Gary said he knew a guy who banged a centerfold but it was 9 years after she was in the magazine. Artie said that still counts. He said that his favorite centerfold is Stacy Sanches. He figures she's probably packing up and leaving the mansion now that she's heard he's coming out there.
Gary came in and asked Howard about the deal that NBC was trying to make with Arsenio. Howard said that he would step in for Arsenio and he would be awesome in the Syndicated version of Deal or No Deal. He said that if Howie doesn't want to do it, he's right there.
Gary brought up ''Who Wants to be a Millionaire'' and how the syndicated show seems to be just as good as the network show was with Regis. He said that Meredith Viera is just as good in that seat as Regis was. Gary said that the job is really easy too so Howard would have no problem doing it. Howard said he knows he can pull it off, no problem.
Howard and the guys spent some time talking about Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama and their possible runs for President. Howard said he thinks that Hillary would have a better chance at the Presidency than a black man would. He had to go to break a short time later.
In the clip this guy was saying that white people want to kill all black people and it's part of their ''plan'' to take them out. The guy said that they need to wipe out the white people before they wipe out the blacks. There was a small round of applause from the audience when he said that.
Jim said that things were spiraling out of control and he had started drinking and stuff. He said that he and his girlfriend stopped sleeping with other girls so that was one thing that went wrong. He said she would bring home hot chicks for him but she eventually stopped doing that. Jim said he didn't want anyone breaking them up. He said they were good for a while until they stopped doing that stuff. The girls either wanted him or his girlfriend so they started to just be monogamous. He said he was going to these strip clubs and comedy clubs and he was being tempted all over the place.
Jim said that he knew that it was unhealthy when they were messing around with these other chicks. He said he's never done coke or anything like that but he was drinking. He said he actually stopped drinking about 6 weeks ago because he was afraid he was going to kill someone driving his car.
Jim started going to therapy and said he found out that he's a real asshole. He said that he didn't know that he was disconnected from people. Artie said that Jim is one of his favorite guys and he was kind of shocked by this and asked him if he's a fruit. Howard asked Jim if he would suggest therapy for Artie. Jim said he's not sure.
Artie said that he and Jim worked together a lot and Jim was doing a lot of shows for a while and he figures that really fucks with your head. He said that Jim is the last guy he'd expect to go to therapy though. Jim said that it's actually helped his stand-up because he can really open up on stage now. He said he didn't lose his anger like he thought he was going to.
Robin read that Jim's therapist was telling him that he should to go Sexaholics Anonymous. She also read that he was molested as a child. Howard said they were jumping ahead so he brought it back to the girlfriend. Jim said that his therapist told him that he had to get out of some relationships including the manager he had. Jim said he got rid of him and has a new guy.
Jim also said that he was told to break up with his girlfriend if he was unhappy. Jim said he told his girlfriend to leave for like a month. He sent her to her mother's house... and the mother is someone he found for her because she was adopted. Now the mother sent her home early from her visit out there. He said he told his girlfriend that he wasn't happy and they had to break up. She had no friends so she came back and they're still living together. Jim said that they bought the place together and now one of them has to get out. Howard told him that maybe he should buy her out and move out.
Jim said he doesn't want to abandon this girl because she's had that happen to her all her life. Jim said that Artie should know how tough it is because he was trying to get out of his relationship with Dana for a year. Howard told Jim that he'd take his girl in because she is hot.
Artie said that he was never a ladies man but when he was on the road, there were a lot of chicks who were into him if he did good on stage. He said that there are hot chicks out there who would do him. He said that it's not reality though.
Jim said that when he first met Bob Levy he was getting laid like crazy even though he was bombing on stage. He said that if you really try, you can get laid no problem.
Jim told Howard that he used to go to pro-wrestling matches and this guy they met would send them pictures. He said the guy hooked them up with front row seats but he would make them sit on his lap. He said the guy once nibbled on his ear during a match so he asked the guy what that was. Jim said the guy said he was just looking the other say. Jim was so into the match that he didn't realize what was going on. He was about 14 at the time and the guy was some old fat guy.
Robin asked Howard and Artie if they were sitting on anyone's lap at the age of 14. neither of them were doing that. Jim said that he and his friend would take turns sitting on the guy's lap. Jim said that the guy eventually asked them to kiss him on his cheek. Jim said he did give the guy some kisses and it was all for wrestling pictures so it was wroth it. Artie thought Jim was pulling his leg with all of this just to get him into therapy.
Jim said that this guy was well known in his neighborhood and he was told that the guy was kind of strange. He said that the guy was friendly with everyone. Artie asked him where he was seeing these shows. Jim said it was at Madison Square Garden and places like that. He said if he's going to kiss a guy on the cheek, he's going to the Garden.
Jim said that this guy wanted to come over to their house one night but his parents didn't want him coming over. His parents eventually agreed to let that happen. Jim said that his parents would let him hang with his priest and never said a word. He was never molested by that guy but he apparently did mess with some other kids.
Jim said that this guy stayed over at his house one night and asked if he could go wake up little Jimmy. His parents stopped him and wouldn't allow it. Howard said he can't believe that his parents let this guy stay at his house. Jim said they gave in, they really didn't want him to stay there.
Jim said he woke up the next morning and this guy's hand was down his pants. He said that the guy was stroking his dick and he was getting kind of chubby. He said he had a ''soggy six'' at that time. Jim said the guy told him he was showing him a trick and stuck his thumb up through the hole in his underwear. Jim told the guy it was fucked up and was going to tell his brothers what he had just done. The guy offered to give him any wrestling pictures he wanted if he didn't tell. Jim picked out about 20 pictures and let the guy stay.
Jim said he had to tell his brothers what happened after he got the pictures. Jim said his brothers took the guy out, beat him up and put him on a bus to go back home. He said a little while later he saw the guy's buddy who told him that he had gotten picked up for molesting like 30 other kids.
Artie said that he really thought that Jim was together as far as his life goes. Howard told Artie that everyone is fucked up in some way. Howard said he feels bad for Jim that things didn't work out with his girlfriend.
Bob Levy called in and said he was shocked ... He had no idea that Jim was into wrestling. He also said that he can't believe that all of his friends have been molested and he hasn't. Artie said that Jim once showed him his sack while they were out on the road. Jim is known for having a big sack so he likes to show it off once in a while. Jim said he was just goofing around with Artie that day.
Jim said that he and Bob used to pull trains on chicks back when they were doing chicks. Howard said he thinks that if you're in a room with a man while having sex with a girl, that's kind of gay. He said you would never see him nude with another man. Artie said his threesome ended in disaster. That's when he got the load shot on his shirt.
Howard gave Jim some plugs for his upcoming show at the Count Basie Theater in Red Bank, New Jersey. He's also in the January issue of Penthouse magazine. Angry Black called in and said that Jim can't let this chick go because she's so hot. Robin asked him if he would take this chick off of Jim's hands. Angry said he would never do that to his buddy Jim but she really is hot.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard if he does any psychological tests on his employees because Penny Crone seems to be out of her mind. He had just seen her on Howard TV in her special. Artie told the guy that they're all nuts on this show.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Howard had gone in a gay direction when he banged a chick that Ralph had been with at one point. Howard said that was years later, that's not gay. Ralph called in and Howard ended up talking about how he was trying to make time with Pam one time and Ralph was rubbing her leg at the same time. He had to stop him because he doesn't want another dude messing with a chick while he's doing stuff with her.
Jim said that the time he and Bob banged this one chick, they didn't make eye contact or anything. Jim said he had the mouth and Bob had her from behind. Artie said you have to see Bob when he's in road mode and on coke and stuff. He said he's out of his mind. Jim and Artie said that Bob has a big cock too. Jim said when he saw how big Bob was, he said he had to go first because he couldn't follow that.
Artie told a story about how Jim left his girlfriend at a club for 3 days one time. Jim said his girlfriend has been doing a lot of stuff for him trying to make up with him but he's not sure what's going to happen. Howard told Jim that he's got to leave the apartment.
Vinnie Favale called in and said he got a little bit of Pam Anderson action that night that Howard was talking about. He said even he got to touch her. He said he helped rip her dress off. Howard said they had good times back then. Howard said he might be doing Letterman on Tuesday but Vinnie wasn't even sure about that. Howard told him he's happy for Vinnie because Letterman signed on for 5 more years. That means Vinnie has a job for a few more.
Artie asked Vinnie if he hung out with him at Letterman the night he was there as a favor or if he's supposed to do that. Vinnie said that he usually watches everything in the control room. He has to deal with the sales guys, standards and practices and stuff like that. Howard said that Vinnie has to be the guy who is responsible and he also has to get along with Dave.
Artie asked Vinnie if he has ever handed Dave a note that was actually taken seriously. Vinnie said that his biggest contribution was having audiences flown in from different markets. That was done during sweeps months for a while. Artie said that Vinnie is the most positive guy he knows and he should do that with all comedians. Vinnie said that Artie killed that night and they asked him to come back before he even left that night.
Vinnie had to get going so Howard let him go. Howard said he thinks that he's doing Letterman next Tuesday but he's not even sure about that yet. He said his agent was working on it and he's pretty sure it's Tuesday.
Artie got back to Jim and said that he's one of the most fun guys to hang out with but they didn't really drink much with him. Jim said he's going to drink again but he's just not drinking right now. He said he hasn't been banging any other chicks yet but once he starts, he's going to go on a tear.
Artie told a quick story about walking through an airport in Vermont one time and Jim blew a fart in the faces of this family and he laughed for hours after that.
Steve also mentioned that they have some contests and giveaways going on with their service. You can get a Howard 100/101 fist logo keychain if you buy and register a SIRIUS radio soon. Howard said he just got one of those keychains and it's really nice.
Jon Hein gave his rundown of what they'd be covering on today's Wrap Up Show. He mentioned the hypnosis segment and also about the Ralph and Artie arguments that went on earlier. They'll also talk about Scott the Engineer's outburst. They'll also cover Jim's stories that he just told.
Howard thanked him for his preview and said he's always a great guest. He asked him if he was going to be doing Miserable Men. Jim said he's pretty sure they're going to be doing it on Sunday nights. Jim spent a short time talking about playing Carnegie Hall with Artie and how Howard walked in during the middle of his set. He said everyone turned their backs on him until Howard got seated but it worked out okay for him in the end. Howard gave Jim some plugs for his comedy shows and then went to break.
Benjy said that he had an idea a couple of years ago where they would have a ''groping box'' where the fans could stick their arms in and grope them. Howard didn't like that idea. He read some of the other ideas they came up with but didn't seem to like them. He said he liked Assketball or the tickle chair thing. He told Gary to ask the girls if they would do any of that stuff.
Howard asked Robin if she wanted to do her news. Robin's mic was off so she wasn't able to answer. She said she was ready once he turned it back on. Fred played the Dear Robin song parody he played earlier and it sounded kind of strange to Howard. He played the version he had on his computer and it was different. Fred somehow got a sabotaged version. Robin started her news a short time later.
Howard read through some e-mail during the news. Some people wrote in about Artie's meeting Bruce Springsteen. Some people were happy for him but others seemed to be pissed that he met him. Some people also wrote in about the Robin Quivers Christmas Special that Howard suggested yesterday. Robin said she doesn't have time to do it before Christmas but she would have done it if she had known earlier.
Howard had asked for a couple of CDs that he wanted to play during the news but Gary didn't hear him. He tried to find out why there wasn't someone else out there who could let him know if they heard his request. Richard came in and said that he asked Gary if he should bring this Twisted Sister CD in like 10 minutes ago. Gary got pissed at Richard and said that he's an asshole because this wasn't the same thing.
Gary said Richard had asked if he should bring the CD in during the discussion they were having BEFORE Howard had requested it. Then Gary missed his request. Howard told Richard to just bring it in from now on if he thinks he might need it. Gary told him that was going to be trouble if he just lets those guys walk in the studio without checking with him first.
Howard played some of the Twisted Sister CD that he had requested. It was Dee and his guys singing some Christmas songs. They start out slow on one song but eventually rock out. Howard said he thinks that Dee has a good singing voice. He played a little bit of that and had Robin get back to her news a short time later.
Howard took some phone calls during the news and let some people comment on some stuff. One guy called in to comment on the Michael Richards thing but forgot what he was going to say after smoking a big joint. A woman called in and told Howard that she thought today's show was going really well and Fred was right on with his sound effects today.
Howard took a call from one guy who said that he's been trying to turn off his XM radio but they won't cancel his account. They're doing anything to keep him as a subscriber. Howard talked about much great stuff there is on SIRIUS and mentioned that he has a friend how likes listening to Coffee House 30. He ended up trying to find the channel so he could play it for the audience. He said they just had too many listed on his computer screen but he was having trouble finding it. He played some of the Spa channel 73. He eventually found the Coffee House channel which was playing some Neil Young. He said he likes that.
Howard wanted to put on Howard 101 to see what they were doing 3 hours ago. Robin didn't want him to do that. She said that she has tuned in to hear some stuff on their channels and ends up laughing while she's driving around and that's something she never thought she would do. People used to tell her about doing that but she never knew what it was like until she started listening to Bubba and other shows on Howard 101.
Brent Hatley from Bubba the Love Sponge's show called in to correct Robin about a story she had read about the cost of the Iraq war. He said that the budget for the war is $1.9 billion a week. He said that by the end of fiscal year 2007 we will have spent over $300 billion on that war. Howard spent a minute talking about how he had mentioned years ago that this Bush was going to bankrupt this country. He said people would ask him how he could say that and he'd point out that the guy bankrupted 4 businesses before becoming President.
after Robin brought up video game consoles Howard ended up challenging Scott DePace to a game of chess. That led to Artie saying that he wanted to learn to play chess so he can play against Howard. He doesn't want to get beat right away though so he has to learn and catch up to where Howard is at.
Ralph called in and asked Scott if he's still a Bush supporter. Scott said he is and everyone in the studio is just a Friday Morning quarterback and they don't know what they're talking about. Howard let him go for a minute but kicked him out a short time later so they could finish up the show.
Artie mentioned that he's going to be doing a show in Las Vegas at the Luxor on Super Bowl weekend. He said tickets go on sale today. He and Nick Di Paolo are doing the show together out there. Howard wrapped up the show at around 11:45am.
Howard started off the show talking about a clip that JD found where a couple is having sex with a pony. He said it's a like a documentary on them and he can't imagine who would do something like that. it came from the internet but you never know where it comes from. He said that the woman is kind of chubby but not all that bad. He played a clip where the woman talks about introducing this guy to her miniature stallion. She said she wanted to shock the guy. She said she couldn't resist so she started sucking on the horse who was laying on the floor, then the horse started doing her and the guy stayed there and watched.
In the clip the guy talks about how erotic it was to watch it and how cool he thought it was. He said that they took things from there. Howard stopped the clip and talked about how strange that was. He had another clip where the woman talks about how her horse isn't all that much bigger than a human is. She said she likes sucking on the horse and the guy said he does the horse anally.
The guy claims that the horse talks to him by grunting and blowing in his ear and stuff like that. The woman says she likes the noise that the horse makes and calls it the ''hubba hubba'' noise. She talks about the noise that the horse makes when he orgasms. The guy talks about how the horse will grab a big piece of his skin by biting him on the back.
Howard said that hubba hubba noise might be kind of like Benjy doing his horse noise. A short time later they were playing one of Benjy's prank calls where he calls a woman and pretends to be a horse that's fucking the old lady. He makes the horse noise and tells the woman he's going to stick his horse cock inside of her and neighs for her. The old lady plays along and tells the horse to do stuff to her.
Howard said that the woman must have been lonely in that nursing home. Benjy said he tried calling her one other time and this Indian guy took her away. He said he's going to try calling him again sometime. Benjy said he forgot what he was trying to do with her that time. He said that she's very friendly.
The girlfriend got on the line and said that he was saying that all girls like anal. Howard said that's not true. She said that porn stars do it for the money, not because they like it. Howard said that's an annoying argument and if she wants to do it, she should just do it. She said they were out at a bar the other night and that's when this all came up.
Howard told the woman that Robin has talked about that on the show before and if a guy can get her so hot, she might not care where he puts it. She has to be really worked up to do that. The woman said that she agrees with that. She said they just had an argument among some friends so that's where this came from.
Howard said that a lot of girls feel dirty back there and don't want to do it... and some of them are dirty back there. He said he's caught a whiff back there with some girls. He had a stripper at Scores one time who smelled like ass.
Howard said he has some disturbing video of Sal and Richard taking a shit and it's really vile to hear them trying to go because they just go for too long. He wasn't sure he could even play that clip. Howard wished the woman and the guy luck with their arguments and let them go.
Howard said that XM has lowered their predictions a couple of times this year, this is the first time SIRIUS did it this year. He said that they've already got over 5 million subscribers and he doesn't see how he's a loser. Robin said that SIRIUS has said that Howard had already brought in more people than they expected he would.
Howard said the press hates him and they love to report on him in that way. Howard said that this has nothing to do with him, it has to do with SIRIUS and the way they make their predictions. He said he wishes that they wouldn't make predictions at all and just announce it when they get subscribers.
Howard said that if they don't reach those huge numbers, it makes him look bad even though he doesn't have anything to do with that number. He was also saying that Mel was saying that they're not even planning on him being the person to bring in all of those listeners.
Robin asked how many people were subscribers were with XM when they started on SIRIUS. Gary thought it was like 1.8 million but Robin thought it was like 5 million. No one was sure.
Howard played a clip from a news report where they talk about this whole thing like it's normal and don't blame Howard for it. Then he played a clip from CNN where they basically blame him. Robin said that they have closed up the gap on XM in just a year and they're continuing to do that. Howard continued to play the clip where the CNN reporter was saying that Howard was a failure even though they've closed the gap with XM in a year.
Howard played another clip where a reporter says that it looks like Howard's popularity has dropped off since he got there. Robin said they're making it seem like people are cancelling their subscriptions and bailing out. Howard said he wishes they wouldn't make any predictions at all. He said there's no news there if they don't make it look like he's the problem.
Howard said he had a friend call him and ask how the sales of radios were going. He told him that they're doing great but he was waiting to hear how bad they were. He said he thinks that 6 million is pretty good even if it's not 6.3 million. He said he'll be going on Letterman on Tuesday and Conan on Thursday to sell some more radios.
Howard said that these headlines are ridiculous. He played another clip where a reporter asks if the Stern Effect is over. He said Beth handed him an article this morning where they basically call him a loser. There's nothing like his hot girlfriend reading about what a loser he is.
Howard said people can't wait to see Ronnie's episode on Howard TV. He thinks that it's airing tonight. Gary said that's correct, it will be on tonight.
Howard read some mail about that segment yesterday where Marshall Sylver hypnotized some of the guys. He said he can't believe it sometimes but when he saw it yesterday he said you have to believe it.
Howard took a call from John Boy who said that he loved the Artie and Ralph stuff from the show yesterday. Howard said that they got a lot of feedback about that so he read through some of that. People were pissed that Ralph was acting like he was denying stealing any money.
Howard said that Artie opened up a can of worms by bringing up that Ralph stuff. He said that on the Wrap Up Show Ralph was saying that Artie and Ross weren't his friend in one sentence but then he said that they are his friends. He was contradicting himself all morning long. Howard played the clip where Ralph says he's not friends and then says he is kind of friends with both of them.
Artie said that Ralph called him and he honestly doesn't remember that happening. Artie sa