Howard was back from his Thanksgiving vacation and started off the show welcoming everyone back to a live show. He said he was tired and said that a week off can be exhausting sometimes. Artie said that he listened to some of the Master Tape Theatre stuff and liked hearing Howard yelling at Gange about the Larry Sanders tapes. Howard said he listened to that again and got pissed off at Gange once again over all of that.
Robin said she had forgotten that Howard was into that show back then. Howard said he had his Thanksgiving on Saturday because his wife had the kids on Thursday. He was driving around on Saturday morning and heard that story all over again and all he could think about was Mike Gange. He said he couldn't get over it and told his kids that he never did fire that guy.
Artie thinks that Ralph was the culprit in all of that because he probably scammed Gange into giving him that tape. Howard said it was such a simple chain of command and Gange never should have given up that tape. Howard said he hears that Gange is doing great in his new job at In Demand. He really wanted to fire him though. He thinks that Mike went on to give a tape of some porn to an ex-priest one time instead of some Seinfeld episodes.
Howard said he has no ability to fire anyone and his kids really thought he should have fired Gange back then. He told his kids about the time Gange sent that porn tape to the woman who was dying of cancer and how embarrassing that was. That didn't even get Gange fired though. Howard wanted to fire him all over again when he heard that stuff.
Artie said he was listening to SIRIUS in his car and saw that they listed the date for that Master Tape Theatre show which he thought was kind of cool. Howard said he was driving around listening to the replay and then turned over to Scott Ferrall. He thought he was hysterical because his attitude is so funny. He thinks that the guy has hit his groove on Howard 101.
Artie brought up football and how funny Scott is when he's talking about that stuff. Howard said he's not into the game that much but he does like hearing him talk about it. He said Scott has some good sound effects on the show of people yelling stuff out. He's not sure what they are but they're pretty funny to him.
Howard told the guys about how he was trying to find his car when he had that look on his face. He said the photographers were trying to catch him and they just happened to catch him at that point. He said that he's getting mail and calls about how he didn't go to Gary's father's funeral but did go to Ed Bradley's memorial.
Howard took a call from a guy who was upset that he didn't go to Gary's Father's funeral. The caller said it means a lot to the fans that he didn't go to Gary's father's funeral but did go to Ed's. He only knew Ed for like 3 days. Howard said he would have gone to Gary's Father's wake but Beth broke her foot that morning and they couldn't go.
The caller said that Howard should have gone to Hank the Dwarf's funeral as well. Howard said his funeral was up in Massachusetts and it was too far to go. Ed Bradley's was in Manhattan so he figured he'd go. Artie said that this caller had called in last week and pissed him off. The guy said he's speaking for the people when he talks about this but Howard doesn't think he does.
Howard hung up on that guy after saying he can really get under your skin. He went on to talk about how he got the invitation from Ruth Streeter to go to Ed Bradley's memorial service. He was supposed to go away but it turned out he didn't have to go so he went to the church which was up in Harlem. He said he wasn't sure if that's where he was or not but he did lock his doors. He said there were a lot of white people walking around up there so he wasn't sure if it was Harlem or not.
Howard joked that Michael Richards is probably going to move up there to show he likes the black people. He said he'll get to that story later and explain what happened there. Howard said Michael Richards was on the show one time and he was an awful interview. He was just a bore. Howard said the reason that Jerry Seinfeld went on Letterman and tried to get Richards to apologize is because they have this huge following that could turn on them because of something like that. He said he knows of people who love the show and are effected by what he said. Robin said she was never a fan of Seinfeld and she always thought the show was racist. She also said that the whole Letterman thing was really bizarre.
Howard said he's getting scared that he can kind of size up Artie's weight these days. Artie ended up talking about his past drug use and how he actually tried to overdose on coke one time just to see what it felt like. That's when he ended up in the hospital and having a catheter in his penis. He said with this food thing he wanted to see what he felt like at 300 pounds so he got as close as he could and then started to back off the eating so much. He said he was overdosing on food.
Artie heard that Bill Cosby had done a long time on stage as if he was doing a stand-up gig. Howard said Cosby was actually very good and didn't drone on like people thought he would. Artie said he heard some clips on the radio and it sounded like he had droned on. Howard assured him that he didn't.
Howard said that this church was a black church but Robin told him that it's really not. She went to this Riverside church and knew that it wasn't black. She found religion for a few minutes according to Howard. He said she went through a couple of phases in her life and that's the kind of stuff she was doing. She was part of Chocolate Singles at one point when she was looking for a man. He said he thought she was nuts for advertising in that magazine years ago. She was a famous woman at the time and she was still trying to find a man through there. He figured she'd find someone like Elephant Boy answering her ad. That led to Fred playing the audio clip of Elephant Boy's voice mail message on a dating service where he talks about looking for a couple where the guy is bi-sexual.
Howard said that he was curious about seeing what went on at Ed Bradley's memorial service. He joked that he never really liked Gary's father so that's why he didn't go to that. He said that he really was going to Gary's father's funeral and it was Beth's ankle that kept him from going.
Howard said he became aware of Michael Richards when he was on this show ''Friday's'' that was on many years ago. He said he was funny on that show and then he got onto the Seinfeld show. He said for a guy like that to be appearing at The Laugh Factory is a big come down for him. He's probably trying to put some kind of show together and he's looking for something to play off of in the club. He's probably trying to stay relevant by doing shows like that.
Howard said that Richard's isn't really a stand-up comedian and it's like he's trying to create a new career at the age of 50-something. He said that he read that Richards once yelled about the Jews while he was on stage. It's almost like he's in the Mel Gibson league there. He said that the guy is trying to be Don Rickles funny but it doesn't work for him. He said that both Mel Gibson and Michael Richards are in dark places but if you want to give Michael some slack, he wasn't doing this stuff with the cops like Gibson was.
Robin said that it sounds like Richards was starting out with something and knew he was wrong. Then he slowed down but then got right back into it and screwed himself. Howard said the worst part is that Richards is apologizing to Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. He said that Jesse Jackson is the worst representative because he once called New York City ''Heimie town.'' Robin said that Michael has said he's tried to find the people he offended but hasn't been able to find them. The guys who were yelled at were saying that he never approached them though.
Howard had the audio of Richards yelling out the N-word at these guys on stage. He said the quality is amazing for a cell phone recording. Richards was pissed that he was being interrupted by these guys in the crowd so he went off on them calling them the N-word. They yelled at him as they were leaving the club. They told him it was uncalled for and he was a cracker-ass who hasn't had a hit show since Seinfeld. Richards eventually walked off stage dropping the microphone.
Artie said he can relate to the anger Richards had because hecklers are horrible sometimes. Howard said that the guy is a bit of a disappointment when people go to see him because they think he's going to be hilarious. He said if the guy did that act everywhere he goes, it might be kind of funny. Maybe he could have a melt-down everywhere he goes. He said the guy is out of line with that stuff but all of the apologies he's doing are nuts.
Howard had some audio of Michael Richards apologizing on Letterman's show last week. He was going to play that but got sidetracked when he brought up Britney Spears and said that she's having trouble getting a publicist since she's so out of control. He said he saw a picture of her with Paris Hilton on PerezHilton.com and he wants to fuck both of them. He said that he thinks Paris is a retard but he'd still like to fuck both of them because they looks so hot to him. He said he thinks that both of them have eaten each other out.
Howard said he was beating off through the whole vacation. Beth was on her period so he had to beat off. He said he was getting upset with her because it seems to come around like once a month. Artie told him that there's a pill that will make it come every 3 months or something like that.
Howard wanted to get to the tape of Michael Richards but he's got so many other things to talk about. Robin told him to play it even though she wanted to hear other stories. Howard played the clip where Richards was live via satellite on Letterman's show trying to apologize and explain what went on with him.
Howard said that Richards should have kept the racist act going when he was on Letterman explaining it. Howard told Artie that he should use the N-word in his act. Artie said he does and he was pissed that Richards stole his act. The guys said that Richards was kind of left hanging on Letterman because they didn't fill the audience in on what had actually happened. They were very vague when they were explaining what went on.
The audience laughed at Richards at one point and Jerry Seinfeld asked them not to laugh because it wasn't funny. Richards said he wasn't sure if that was the right place to be doing this apology. He said he was very sorry to the people who were in the audience that night. He was very ''busted up'' over the whole thing. Howard said this made even less sense than Sal's apology for his racist comments.
Howard continued to play Richards' apology where he mentions what went on down in New Orleans and how there are other comics are trying to raise money from that. That led to Robin talking about going over to England to visit and had a cab driver giving her a hard time after she accidentally gave the guy a Euro instead of a 20 pound note. She said the guy said he knew that she was a ''Yank'' and she was trying to pull a trick on him. She said it wasn't that she was black, it was that she was American.
Gary told Howard that Greg Fitzsimmons is doing a show on Howard 101 tonight and Sarah is going to be a guest on the show. Howard didn't know what he was talking about so Gary had to explain it. Howard then knew what he was talking about and gave Greg a plug for his show which is airing tonight at 7 on Howard 101.
Howard said that he had a bonding conversation with Gary last night so he didn't want to yell at him. He said Gary started to open up to him last night but it was 8:30 and he wanted to watch some TV and go to bed. Gary said that Howard opened up to him first.
Howard said he was having a great conversation with Gary but he still wanted to get off the phone and just watch TV. He said that's how vapid he is. Artie said he invited a few guys over to his apartment to eat and watch TV. He said that he and Shuli came over for Thanksgiving and it seems like he knows that guy more than he knows the other people on the show.
Artie said he wasn't with Dana on Thanksgiving so Howard asked him if he's done with her again. Artie said that they are over and he had sex with someone other than Dana when he was down in Atlantic City this weekend. Artie said that they had broken up officially before that and he had a chick down there. Artie said it's been a year of torture for both of them and now they are officially over.
Howard asked Artie how he met this chick. Artie said he met her over the summer and met him down at the Borgata. He said she kind of let him know that she was into him back then and he never threw out her number. He said he went to go see the Rolling Stones down there over the weekend and called this chick.
Howard asked him if she's hot. Artie said he thinks she's hot and would rate her an a 8.5. Howard asked Artie if he called Dana while he was having sex with the new chick. Artie said he didn't but Howard picked up his megaphone and did his Artie and Dana impressions. He had Artie talking to Dana while he was fucking this other chick. Robin asked Artie why he didn't call the chick he went on the date with. Artie said he's had her on his mind a lot lately. Howard said he whacked off while thinking about her.
Howard figured out why Artie lost weight, it's because he and Dana broke up and he doesn't want chicks seeing him naked. Artie said he saw the Rolling Stones the first weekend they were off, then he went to see The Who and figured he had to get rid of some of his bloat.
Artie said he and Dana went into this year long fight and that's when he started to eat. Howard told him to start watching the Biggest Loser because it will inspire him to lose the weight. Artie said he knows what it's like to be 300 pounds and he doesn't like it. Artie said he likes this new chick though. He said she's 30-ish but he's not sure of her exact age.
Artie shared some of his sex stories and said that he loves doing girls in the missionary position. He said he did her like 3 or 4 times in two days. Howard said that he loves Dana but it was killing both of them to stay in that relationship. Artie said that Dana wanted to try with him one more time but things didn't work out for them. After her birthday Artie said that she stuck to her guns and wanted him to go to therapy. He didn't want to get pushed into something like that so he told her that he couldn't do it so it was a done deal at that time.
Artie said that he's gotten so fat that he has to take his socks off by rubbing them on the carpet until they come off. He said he wears them out like that but it's the only way he can get them off. Howard said that it must be something for the woman to sit there waiting for him to take his socks off like that.
Howard asked Artie if he was thinking about Dana and almost called the new chick by her name while he was banging her. Artie said that didn't happen. Howard said that when you get a new chick you can't think about anything but that new chick so that's not surprised.
Artie said he was just offered a job doing stand-up at the Playboy mansion for a corporate party. He said it's a private function but it should be filled with hot chicks. He said it's good money and he's never been in the Playboy mansion before.
Howard said he had to take a break but ended up talking to some of the other guys about Artie finally getting laid by some other chick. Fred said that it was odd that Artie kept that phone number all this time if he thought he was going to get back with Dana. Artie said that this broad is sexy and he couldn't throw that number away. He said that she looks kind of like a young Lauren Hutton. He said she doesn't talk like Lauren Hutton, she has a really annoying Philly accent. Howard asked him if he shot a load on her. Artie said he shot a load all over his own stomach.
Howard said he thinks that Artie will lose like 60 pounds in the next few months. He's going to whip himself into shape now that he can get laid again. Howard said the new diet pill for Artie is called ''New Pussy.''
Howard had to take a break but Ivy Supersonic called in and wanted to get on the air. He put her on and let her ramble about how she found some Nazi down in Miami. She was going on and on about this Nazi and how he had robbed her after living in her house or something like that. Howard told her he had to go to break and hung up on her.
Howard had to get back to the Michael Richards tapes. He said he had some audio of him talking to Jesse Jackson. Richards has spoke to Al Sharpton as well but Al apparently didn't accept his apology and wants to drag this out even longer. Howard spent some time talking about the crazy things that both Jess Jackson and Al Sharpton have been involved with.
Howard said he walked into this Ed Bradley memorial service and for some reason blacks really love him. He said they must feel for him because he gets treated so bad. Robin said that's probably the case and they can relate to the way he's been treated.
Howard said he was handed a prayer handkerchief when he walked into the memorial service. Beth told him that was in case he wanted to cry. He said there was no way that was going to happen. Howard then said that he walked into the event and figured he was going to be in some VIP section like Ruth Streeter told him he was. He walked in and the place was massive. He got dressed up for the event and knew that there would be some big celebrities there.
Howard said he showed up and there was some security there at the mid point of the church. A bunch of celebrities walked right past him and sat down. Then he tried walking past and the guy stopped him and showed him where to sit. He said they sat him in the back next to some old black ladies while all of the whites were stuck in the front. Howard said that the place was huge and he's stuck way in the back. He was surrounded by ''regular black people'' who go to church all the time. A guy sitting in front of him had to have been homeless because he was wearing a ski jacket and had dreadlocks.
Howard said he was going to sit there but figured that he should have said something to the guy who sat him in the back. He said he was fine, or trying to convince himself that he was fine, but then Beth saw that he was stewing. She knew that he wanted to be in the front with the other people. Howard said he started thinking to himself why he was sitting in the back. Beth tried to calm him down and wanted him to stop stewing over it.
Then Gayle-fucking-King walked in. Howard said he was livid when he saw her walk in and not get stopped at all. He said he was sitting all the way in the back next to heavily perfumed women who were nobodies. He said he knew he wasn't right thinking like that but Ruth should have helped him out after inviting him. He started to go off on Gayle King as he was muttering to Beth. He said he feels bad for Beth because he was going off on this woman in church. He just wanted to get the fuck out of there at that point.
Howard went through a bunch of the people he saw walking in. He said he wanted to be up front with those people, not in the back of the church like he was. He said he ended up watching this thing on TV from the back of the church. Robin asked him if he ever moved. Howard said he would get to that.
Howard said he should have had Gary call and find out how he should have gotten into the church. He wondered who the fuck Gayle King is because when she walked in it was like the President of the United States had walked in. He said he got crazed when he saw that. He was feeling like he was stuck in the back of the bus at that point.
Howard said he then saw Ruth stand up and started working her way toward the back. He figured she'd come over and help them out and move them to the front. Ruth walked back, spoke to some black people who were in the back. Then she saw him and waved to him. He said he put his hands up and she walked away. She didn't move his seat, didn't rescue him... nothing. He said he doesn't hate Ruth but he thought that this was a bullshit thing. He was muttering and stewing and said that he was never going to go to another memorial service again. He said if he had a gun he would have taken everyone out because he was so pissed off.
Howard said Beth told him that Meredith Viera was sitting behind them. He didn't care about that, she should always be behind them. Howard said that this service was a great show but he was watching it on a TV that was in the church. He couldn't see the front of the church. He didn't know why he was doing this during his vacation either.
Howard said he knows he should have been there to memorialize Ed Bradley but the reason he was really there was for himself, to see the show. He said he wanted to see the show that was going on up front but he had to watch it on a TV so it wasn't the same. He said it was a huge insult to him that he had to sit back where he was sitting. The people he was sitting with had to have just walked in from the street.
Howard said he got there early because that's what Ruth told him to do. Then the service went on for 2 and a half hours. He was really pissed that Gayle King was treated the way she was. He also said that he doesn't want to get any mail about how shallow he is, he knows that he's shallow and he admits that.
Howard said he was thinking that Bill Clinton would love to see Beth's titties in her dress but he never got near anyone up front. He said that ruined his whole day. There was a luncheon after the service but he had to get out of there at that point. He said he's done with the whole memorial service thing and he will never go to another one.
Robin told Howard about a guy she spoke to over in England who told her about how Oprah comes to visit like once a year. The guy told her that she rarely comes over with her boyfriend Stedman, she brings her architect and her hair dresser, but not Gayle King or Stedman.
Howard said he now realizes that he has to have Gary call and set these things up for him to make sure he gets in the front row. He said the service was actually very beautiful but he was really pissed off. He took a call from a guy who said that he has every right to be pissed off about that whole thing. Howard said he doesn't have a whole posse like Gayle King did. He must not have looked important enough to the guy who was acting as security.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Howard should hire some off duty cops to escort him to events like that. Howard said he has guys like that but he wouldn't bring them to something like that memorial service. He said it really pissed him off when he saw Gayle King walk in with her whole entourage. Howard said he's got Mike the Cop who helps him out with stuff like that. Ronnie could do it too but he doesn't come out of his hole for anything.
Benjy asked Howard if he thinks Ruth didn't know what his hand gestures and shrug meant when he saw her. He said that inside he really doesn't think he's anyone special so that's why he doesn't make a big deal out of something like that. He said he really likes Ruth but at the time he asked Beth what the hell was wrong with her not getting him a seat up front.
Robin pointed out that Howard does think he's something special because he was so upset about this stuff. The guys said that Howard should have just changed the channel on the TV in the church. Howard thought that would have been funny if he had gotten up and just changed to a football game.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he heard that Beetlejuice was in the front row next to President Clinton. Howard said that's just about how bad it was. He said people like Al Sharpton, Diane Sawyer, Walter Cronkite, Gayle King, Andy Rooney and his entourage all walked right to the front. Howard said he was the one who was turned away while everyone else just walked right up there. The whole thing was so retarded and he was insulted by it.
Howard said that this will all get back to Ruth but he doesn't care. Gary told him that he has a cell phone number for Ruth if he wanted to call her. He told him not to bother her yet. Maybe tomorrow when she's already heard about this. The caller told Howard that he heard Michael Richards had a better seat than he did.
Gary told Howard that Ruth is going to hear every word of this because she's got a friend who listens to the show.
Artie said he could wait a few months before looking at Doug's pictures because all babies look the same at this age. Robin said she's cute with a full head of hair.
Doug said that he was up for 44 hours straight when the baby was born. He said the baby was over 7 pounds and it was too big for his wife's body. He said she's already lost a lot of the weight that she gained. Doug said that she won't have a tummy tuck until they're done having kids of course. He said he doesn't want to have more than two though.
Doug said he has like 400 pictures to show but Howard told him he didn't want to see them. Doug said that the most important thing to Howard are his kids so he must know how he feels. Howard said that the importance in his life goes himself, Lonnie from Scores, his own penis and then everyone else.
Howard also had a phone call that Daniel Carver, Wendy the Retard and Gary the Retard had about Michael Richards. They didn't know what had gone on so Daniel explained it in his own way. He had Gary the Retard yelling the N-word and talking about how few there are in Oregon.
Daniel was doing his own little show getting the two retards to say the N-word. Wendy was afraid to say the word so she tried spelling it and refused to say the word to Daniel. She was afraid that Robin would kick her ass if she did say it. Gary the Retard was yelling out all kinds of things to Daniel and seemed to side with him on his hate for the blacks. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said he heard from Ruth Streeter's friend who did see Howard come in to the memorial service and figured he wanted to sit in the back because he wanted to make an escape. Howard said that wasn't why he was there and didn't make a big deal out of the whole thing. The guy told Gary that Ruth figured he would have let her know if he wanted to move up to the front. Howard said that he could have seen better from his apartment than he did in the back of the church.
Howard said that Will the Farter was there with his girlfriend Erica who he wanted to show around the studio. Howard said he wanted to meet the girl who was lucky enough to be with him so he had the two of them come in. Howard met Erica who has been going out with this guy for about 3 1/2 years. She said she didn't know about his talent until about 3 or 4 months after they met. She said she thought it was hilarious when he demonstrated it for the first time.
Howard asked Will to demonstrate some farting so he sucked in some air, through his ass, and ripped a bunch of farts for everyone. Howard asked Erica more about being the girlfriend of a farter. She told a story about him farting at his cousin's party one time. Will farted on his head after he passed out from drinking so much.
Erica thinks that this stuff is funny so Howard seems to think that she's a very special girl then. He asked her if she has tried to learn the craft of farting like Will. She said she hasn't and gives him all the credit. Howard had Will fart a little more for them. Will blasted out a bunch for them and had Howard laughing. He said that Will could go to any party and win everyone over.
Erica said that sometimes his farts really smell but he's not too bad today. Howard heard that Will wanted to make a statement today so he let him do that. Will then said he wanted to fart on his girlfriend but he wasn't able to do it. Howard told him to go ahead and say what he wanted to say. There was some silence for a short item and then Will proposed to her. He asked her to marry him and she said yes. Howard said that she's now Mrs. Will the Farter.
Will was on one knee and hugging his girlfriend. Howard said she looked shocked. She said that Will told her that they were going on the show for some contest, she had no idea he was going to ask her to marry him. Howard said he was honored to have been a part of that moment. Will said that he hasn't asked her father for her hand in marriage yet. He said that's going to be tough. He said they're Mormons and he's not sure it's going to be that easy to get an approval from them.
Erica said that her parents like him and it won't be a problem. Howard said that if he could fart he would go on tour and do it all the time. He asked Will and Erica how old they are. Will said that he's 27 and Erica is 25. Howard said that Erica just stood there as he was farting on her earlier.
Will told Howard that he wasn't born with an asshole so he's hoping that any kids he has do have one. He said that the doctors had to rework his plumbing. He had a colostomy bag for the first couple years of his life. Artie said that the doctors literally ripped him a new asshole.
Howard asked Erica if she's ever seen his asshole. She said he hasn't. Artie said he must have a bionic asshole or something and laughed his ass off just thinking about it. Will said he once took a picture of his asshole and it didn't look quite right. Artie called him the Six Million Dollar Farter Man. Howard said this must be how he got this special power of farting that he has. He's like a future man with an asshole that was given to him by science.
Will thought he had brought that up on the air one time but no one remembered it. Howard asked him to blast a few more farts for them in the light of this new found information. Will blasted out a few and Erica said that they were getting stinky. Will was letting out some really long farts and had the guys laughing. Howard wrapped up with the two of them and told Will that they ''speak his name.''
Howard said that Ronnie walked into the studio in the middle of that and showed Erica the ring. She wasn't even able to say the word ''yes'' because she was crying and just nodding her head.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was out trying to find SIRIUS radios but there were none to be found. Howard said he hopes that they have enough out there for the holiday season. Howard said he just bought a bunch of Stilettos for some of the guys but he bought them online. The caller said he wanted to get a radio for his sister for Christmas and the people at the store had no idea what they were doing.
The caller was from Canada and said that the guys in the store were saying that XM is cheaper than SIRIUS but that's not true anymore. They apparently have no clue. Howard said that they should have some kind of classes for these guys to teach them how to sell that stuff.
Gary told a story about sitting around with Sid down in Florida and heard a lot of his stories while hanging with him. Howard told him to bring the guy in so he could talk to him about all of that stuff.
Sid is now working on a station down in Miami. He said he's on 790AM down there doing his own show in the afternoon. He said everything is going okay for him right now and he hasn't been fired yet. Howard asked him what his thoughts are on the Michael Richards thing. Sid said that he thinks that Richards is a racist but he's not... even though he's gotten into trouble for making racist comments.
Sid said he thinks that Richards hates black people and should be kept off of TV. Howard said that Sid used to do funny stuff on the air and Imus wouldn't back him when he'd get into trouble. Sid told Howard that he was kind of forced upon Imus by Mark Chernoff. He said that he kind of felt that Don didn't like him. Howard helped him out and said that he thinks that Imus is an asshole.
Sid said he was doing okay working there but he got fired over the comments he made about Venus and Serena Williams. He said he got into some big trouble over that when the papers picked up on it. Sid said that Howard talked about it on the air and said that it was kind of hypocritical of Imus to fire someone for that when he used to call people the N-word in the halls of NBC. Sid thinks that helped get him back on the show and re-hired.
Robin talked about how Imus used to call her names in the halls. Sid said that he looks back at some of the stuff that went on with him back when he was working with Imus and how wrong it was. Sid said he got suspended one time when he didn't show up to work one morning after he was out late partying.
Sid said that he was addicted to crack for a while. He also said that his final firing was over a comment he made about Kylie Minogue. He made a comment about how she wasn't going to look so good with a bald head and one tittie. He said that people laughed when he said it but it got worse later in the day. He said that he was fired by Lee Davis and Mark Chernoff. Lee is Howard's former intern.
Sid said he was at a Mets game when he got the call to come back to the station. He said he told them that if they were going to fire him they should just do it then. They had him come back anyway.
Howard had Scott Ferrall on the phone. Scott got on the phone and asked Sid why he calls his wife and talks to her about Howard and the show. Sid said he called to talk to Scott but got stuck talking to his wife. Scott said that he was invited on his show but this guy is full of it and talks so much shit. He said he called the show to go on but he doesn't know the guy and wants him to stop calling his house. Sid told Scott that his show sucks and he'd like to take his shift. Scott continued to go off on him calling him a liar and telling him he was full of shit.
Sid said that he did call Scott's house last week, twice, to get him on the air with him. Sid went off on Scott telling him that he sucks and he's lucky to have a show on Howard's channel. The two of them went back and forth but Sid said he wanted him to hang up on him because he's there to talk to Howard, not to Scott.
Scott said that he used to get along with Sid but last week when the guy called his wife, he felt that he crossed the line with him. The guys didn't understand why Scott was so upset with him. Sid didn't get why he was so mad because he was just calling to get Scott on his show. Howard said that the two of them should do a show together. Howard asked Scott if he wanted to call Sid's wife to get even with him or something. Scott said that he had no business calling his wife and talk to her about Tim Sabean and stuff like that.
Scott said that Sid talked to his wife about Tim Sabean but the guys didn't understand what was wrong with that. Scott said that the guy doesn't know his wife and he had no business talking about that stuff with her. Scott also told Howard that it took him 10 months to get back on the air after he was fired in New York City. He said he never called Sid to help him get a job.
Howard said that this is not going to be worked out on the air. He tried to calm Scott down but it wasn't working. Scott was still going off on Sid as they were wrapping up the phone call. Artie said that this is what happens when you get substance abusers together. He said he didn't understand Scott's point at all. Gary said Scott did come off a little odd in that call.
Artie said that Sid and Scott doing a show together would make for a great show. Sid said that he used to feel bad for Scott when he got fired for goofing on a woman who used to call WFAN all the time. Now he's kind of glad the guy was fired.
Gary told Howard that Sid came close to killing himself after the last time he was fired. Sid said he was in a hotel room in Cleveland on coke and he was pretty depressed that night. He didn't try to kill himself but he was pretty depressed.
Gary read that Sid once bet $27,000 on a game when he was making only $300 a week at work. Artie remembered that game because the score ended up being 55-10 or something like that. Sid lost that money and said he realized he had to get out of town in about the third quarter of that game. He didn't have the money the day he had to pay up though. He said most of the guys out there are decent and understand if you don't have the money.
Howard asked Sid if they send someone over to take care of him. He said it's not like what you see on TV but he did have to pay that money off eventually. He said that they actually knocked that amount down to a more reasonable amount.
Artie knows a lot about that stuff and any guy who isn't connected won't beat a guy up because they'll both end up in jail. Artie said that he asks before a guy comes over to collect to find out if he's connected. Artie and Sid talked about their gambling and how tough some of that has been. Artie said that Norm Macdonald is a big gambler and once said that gambling is the only disease where you can win lots of money.
Howard asked Sid if he's trying to get back on the air in New York. Sid said he thinks that he will be back on some day. He hasn't done any coke in about 2 years now so he's on the right track.
Gary asked Sid about stealing DirecTV. Sid said that Imus had asked him how you go about doing that stuff and he explained how he told Imus about it on the air and went home after the show. An hour after the show he got home and got served papers an hour later. He said it cost him almost $50,000 for stealing it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he heard that Sid was getting sued for owing like $50,000 for gambling. Sid said he really doesn't remember that but he has been sued before. Gary said that Sid had a book deal at one point and had a six figure advance. Sid said he got fired and lost out on the deal after that.
Howard took some calls for Sid. One guy used to listen to him on WFAN and said they really miss him. Another guy told him about how he got busted for stealing DirecTV and they tried to sue him over it but they have no proof that he was actually using it.
Howard started to wrap up with Sid. Sid was saying that he was feeling good about himself until that call from Scott Ferrall earlier. Artie asked him about Mike and the Mad Dog and if he has a problem with them. Sid said he's in a battle with Mike right now and explained how that all came about.
Sid was telling the guys about the big rock station down in Miami that's now carrying the Opie and Anthony shows and they're only getting a .5 rating down there. He said they're getting killed in that market. Howard said he's never really heard those guys and doesn't know how bad they really are. Sid didn't seem to think that they were that great. He worked with them at WNEW when they were on that station in New York. Howard said he doesn't know how anyone cal listen to terrestrial radio now because it's so sanitized. He said that firing this guy Sid is kind of ridiculous.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the Scott Ferrall call so they spent a few more minutes talking about that. The guys still didn't get why Scott was so upset with Sid. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard played the clip where Jesse asked Richards what was going through his mind when he started to rant on stage. Richards, who wasn't making much sense, tried to explain what was going on. He said he was in a time of humiliation. Howard got in a mention for the company that released the clips which was Premiere Radio Networks. Howard said he's pretty sure this is the first time the guy's radio show has been heard.
Howard played more audio of Richards trying to explain what was going on that night when he flipped out but he wasn't really able to express himself very well. Howard said that his career is essentially over and he'll always be Kramer. He said the guy knew they had a loser on stage and that's what led to the audience talking over him and then him flipping out. He said the guy is obviously racist but what is someone supposed to do about that.
Howard figures that Richards is an improv guy and just tries to make things happen without an act. He said that Seinfeld is probably pissed because it will cut back the sales of the Seinfeld DVDs. Howard said his father is the biggest fan around but now he feels differently about it.
Howard got back to the audio from Jesse Jackson's show. Richards was hoping to apologize and start the healing. Jesse wasn't letting that happen but this is the guy who has a lot of hate of his own. Howard pointed that out and played more of Richards explaining why he did what he did.
Richards said that he doesn't think of himself as a comedian, he's more of a performance artist. Howard said that's the worst thing you can do on a comedy club stage. Artie said he's met people like that and the fans never treat them very well because they're sitting in a club paying ten bucks for a drink. Howard said he doesn't understand what he's saying. He understands this about as much as he understood Scott Ferrall's feelings about Sid Rosenberg.
Howard said that Richards should go on Oprah's show to apologize next. Robin said she probably wouldn't even allow him on her show. Robin picked up on how Jesse Jackson said ''Afri'n Americans'' at one point in the interview so Howard replayed that to get a couple of laughs. That led to Artie doing an impression of Jesse and goofing on him a little bit.
Howard said that The Today Show had the guys who were yelled at in the club that night and they've hired Gloria Alred as a lawyer in their case. No one was sure what kind of case they could possibly have. Howard played the audio clip where Gloria was talking about how much pain Richards inflicted on those guys. They also had the guys talking about what happened that night and how they feel about the way they were treated... after they interrupted the guy's act.
Howard said that Jesse Jackson must be thrilled that he has a white guy coming on his show to apologize for something like that. Artie was saying that everyone seems to be faking their feelings on this whole thing, Seinfeld, Letterman and everyone else. He thinks it's kind of funny.
Howard said he was watching and saw this hand go up to her mouth. Howard said he got all worked up and said that's ridiculous. He said a man can not go into a woman's space like that. He said Hillary Clinton once had that happen when a man walked up to her during a debate. You just can't do that kind of thing to someone. Howard said he got really worked up over that. Kelly told Clay not to do that to her and they dropped it. Howard said he got really worked up and called Kelly's home phone since Beth had her number. He said that he left a message where he said that Clay had no right to do that with his fuckin' hand. He said he had no right to put his hand over her face.
Howard said Kelly called him back and left a message for him. He said that she thanked him for that and then the next day she brought it up with Regis. The next thing you know, Rosie O'Donnell got on The View and said that she felt it was a homophobic thing for her to do. Howard said he saw that going down and Rosie should know it had nothing to do with homophobia, it's all about a man putting his hand in a woman's face.
Howard felt that Rosie was out of line saying that on the show. Kelly called The View and tried to defend herself but Howard felt she didn't do a great job so he called her back and told her that she should have said that you just don't put your hand on another person's mouth no matter what. He said it wasn't homophobia at all. She called him back and left another message saying that the whole thing got out of hand.
Howard is now figuring that he got the whole ball rolling because he left that first message for Kelly. If she didn't bring that call up with Regis the next day, maybe it wouldn't have gotten picked up by the news outlets. Robin was in London at the time and heard about it over there.
Howard said that it was Beth pointing it out to her and then him leaving the message on Kelly's answering machine. He said Beth just happened to have her number and that could be the whole reason she got into so much hot water.
Robin explained what she knew about that whole story and how he already did his stunt where he got himself out of some restraints and fell 40 feet to the ground. Artie said he didn't even know what the guy did because he didn't hear anything about it.
Steve said that they'll be asking Will the Farter about being born without an asshole. They'll also be talking to Joey Boots about his recovery from doing coke again. Steve also got in a plug for the Greg Fitzsimmons show which is airing tonight at 7pm on Howard 101.
Howard mentioned that he called into the Barbara Walters show during vacation and got Martha Stewart to admit that she uses a vibrator called The Thumper. He said he was on for about 20 minutes and wondered if anyone even knew he was on.
Jon Hein was up next with his Wrap Up Show preview. He and the guys will be talking about Howard's problems at the Ed Bradley memorial service. They'll also talk about Will the Farter's proposal and how Ronnie offered up the ring a little too early. They'll also be talking about Sid Rosenberg's visit and Scott Ferrall's strange call. Jon said he did Scott's show during the break and barely got in a word according to Howard. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said that 5 of the 13 kids in this family walks on all fours like a gorilla or something. He said they can't even train these fucker to walk right. The father of the family seems to love it though. He said that the family won't believe that this is a genetic thing that goes back to when we walked like apes. He said the father wants to get the family some help but it's not that easy.
Howard said that one guy tried to walk around on 2 legs and he was wobbling around like he was drunk. The parents are apparently first cousins.
Robin said she saw a special about some anorexic people who were all being treated by fat people. Howard said he'd like to start a show called Dancing With People On All Fours. He said that the show was so good that he and Beth watched it twice when it came on regular TV.
Howard told the guys about some of the stuff that was going on during that show and how wild it was. They had the people being brought down to the beach and shown the water since they had never seen the ocean.
Howard said that George Takei is going to be on the show ''Heroes'' playing the father of Hiro on the show. He said that George will be on the show in the next couple of weeks for a visit.
Bong Hit Eric called in and congratulated Artie on getting laid. Howard was wondering why Jon Hein didn't mention that as one of the stories they were going to cover during the Wrap Up Show. Jon came in and said that they will be talking about that, they will have Artie on the show to discuss it.
Howard read through some e-mail about Crazy Cabbie, Chuck Zito and other stuff. They got some positive feedback about both of those guys. He said that a guy up in Alaska wrote in about how great the Chuck Zito show was.
Artie mentioned that he will be performing at a Crazy Cabbie benefit show soon. He said that someone put together a show for Cabbie to help him pay some bills. He doesn't have the details yet though. He said he told Cabbie that he would do the show for free and they could bill him as the headliner if he wanted. Artie thinks that the money they take at the door will be plenty for him, they won't need other people donating.
Howard said he got some complaints about the quality of the phone he used to call the Barbara Walters show last week. He said it's a phone that was in the home he rents so he had no control over that.
Artie mentioned that the Tenacious D movie only did like $3 million at the box office over the weekend. Howard predicted that they were going to do $14 million. The guys spent a few minutes talking about Jack Black and how he's done a few clunker movies. That led to them talking about how huge the Borat movie has been and how that has made over $100 million. Robin said that the movie ''Happy Feet'' has already done that and the new James Bond movie is close to $100 million already.
Robin said she knew that the new James Bond was going to be big. The guys talked about that guy for a short time. Artie said that he and Shuli went out and saw the movie together and it was actually very good. He explained how they look at this guy as if he's a murderer like in a real-life kind of way. Howard had Robin get to her news since they were running so late. Fred played Bob Levy's theme song about Robin as she was starting. That led to Artie saying that he has a song parody about Howard that he has to go record. He's not sure if it's that good yet because he hasn't showed the guys the lyrics yet.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in during the news and said that she knew that Artie was going to eventually break up with Dana and she's so happy that he's finally moved on. She also said that she watched the pat Cooper show on Howard TV and thought it was very funny.
Howard quickly went through the Football Pool results and said that Artie is now in dead last place even with a win over the holiday. They wrapped up and ended the show around 11:15am.
Howard started off the show talking about how they have everything anyone could want there at SIRIUS. He spent a minute on that and then got into some clips that he had been listening to. Artie told him the Big Foot call with Blue Iris was a good one to play. They also talked about another clip where Sal went up to Harlem and interviewed some black people about the Michael Richards thing. He played that one first.
In the clip Sal asks some guys what they think of the Michael Richards thing and the first guy flips out and starts yelling about him and even going off on Sal himself. The guy thinks Michael should be in prison. Sal quoted Chris Rock using the N-word but the guy has no problem with that. The guy also suggested that Richards stay out of Harlem because he'll get his ass kicked. He also said that he doesn't like his character Kramer, he likes George.
Artie said he liked that line about liking George better than Kramer. Howard said Sal had some other interviews as well but he hadn't listened to them yet. He played the next one where Sal asks a woman about Richards and what she thinks. She said that she would slap the shit out of him if she got a hold of him. Sal asked her if she would stop watching Seinfeld because of it. She never watched and said that he should be banned from everywhere. She also said that she doesn't think that Mel Gibson is racist. Sal asked her about Chris Rock using the N-word and she said she has no problem with that. She used an expression and kind of got it wrong when she said that blacks have ''Bears to Cross.''
Howard played another clip and this guy seemed to sympathize with OJ Simpson while going off on Michael Richards. He also went off on White people saying that some of them will call them the N-word in person down in the south but up north they won't do that. They'll back stab them.
Artie asked Howard if he read the story about Pam Anderson and Kid Rock breaking up. Howard said he did read it and pulled out the article so he could read it on the air. He read that the two of them had a fight after seeing the movie ''Borat'' because Pam was in the movie. Kid Rock yelled at her about doing what she did in the movie. She was in on the joke though and knew what was going on so she played along with it.
Howard said this guy had to have known that Pam is mental and does all kinds of wacky stuff. Kid Rock apparently couldn't deal with it and now they've filed for divorce. Howard and Robin spent a short time talking about Pam's many strange relationships.
Siobhan said that Robin was the one who said it. Robin said she would have to hear it to know what she was talking about. Siobhan said that she's scared shitless now and isn't sure what to do. Howard said that maybe it was around the time that she threatened to kill his wife. Siobhan said she never did that and isn't sure how he got that out of what was written back then.
Siobhan said that she's afraid to go out anywhere now because of that clip. Howard said that he's not going to get beat up. Siobhan suggested that Howard listen to the clip off the air. Howard said he would do that and he suggested that his fans NOT beat up Siobhan.
Siobhan asked why they would play that clip again after all these years. Howard wasn't sure why they did that but they don't listen to every second of tape. Howard asked her why she would call in and complain on the air if she doesn't want people to beat her up. Howard and Robin didn't know anything about it before she called in with the information.
Siobhan was basically telling even more people about this clip than heard it during Master Tape Theatre. Howard said he has to hear what's in this clip. Artie asked Sir Harden Thicke to come in and explain it to them. Siobhan didn't know who that was. The guys were getting a laugh out of the whole thing but Siobhan didn't find it funny at all.
Gary said he heard that Siobhan was getting really weird last week when she called there looking for Howard's dentist because she's got dental problems. Siobhan said she needs some work done on a tooth and she was hoping to get it done for free from Howard's dentist. Howard said that maybe they should part ways again since she's getting so weird with this stuff.
Howard thinks that Siobhan is getting a little carried away with this whole thing but he will look into it and see what he can do. Siobhan didn't know what to do in the meantime. Howard told her that she can go outside with no problem, no one is going to beat her up.
Gary said that he now has to have Steve the Intern listen to four hours of tape to find that clip and when they find it, they're going to figure that Siobhan is just being a pain in the ass. Howard asked Siobhan what they're supposed to do about all of this. He asked if they're supposed to get a cop to cover her 24 hours a day or something. She said the cops won't do anything about that. Howard said he thought she was trained in some martial arts form. She said she's not that good in it though so she can't defend herself against everyone.
Howard and the guys were kind of laughing at what was going on but Siobhan didn't find it funny at all. She told them it wasn't funny and they should stop laughing. Howard told Siobhan that she should learn to be an astronaut so she could get away from everyone by being in space.
Howard asked Siobhan what they're supposed to do about this. She didn't know what she wanted so Howard tried going over the whole thing with her and tried to find out what the story was on that show. Siobhan said that Howard was talking about how Howard was talking about some event she was being invited to and they went right into that discussion about how someone should beat her up. Howard knew that she was leaving something out of the story.
Howard said that no one has tried to break her arms because of their show. He said he's sure she's had issues with people because of her gender but it's not because of the show. Gary came in and said that they have to track down this clip.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that what Howard said wasn't all that big of a deal. Howard went over some of Siobhan's history with the show and talked about how wacky she has been in the past. He was afraid that Siobhan was going to kill him back then. The caller said that it really wasn't a big deal but Siobhan thought that he was lying about it.
KDK called in and told Howard that he thinks that Siobhan might need another man. This is the guy who banged Siobhan a few months ago. He wanted to throw his boyfriend into the mix to bang her again. KDK has no desire to do her again though.
Howard said that Siobhan once told everyone where she lived and it's not like she tries to protect the secrecy of where she lives. Howard told Siobhan that they'd have someone get back to her about this whole thing. He let her go after Fred played a bunch of Gilbert Gottfried laugh clips.
Howard said he's got all kinds of crap like this going on. He said he's got this and he's got Cabbie asking him to do comedy shows and stuff.
Howard said he likes how these people have something wrong with Richards being a racist but then they make racist comments themselves. Gary came in and said that he heard the owner of the Laugh Factory saying that he wants Michael Richards to donate money to charity because of what he did there at the club. They're also banning the use of the N-word there because of what happened with him.
Howard heard that Paul Mooney was weighing in on that whole thing. He had an audio clip where Mooney said that it's time for healing and maybe it's time to stop using the N-word. He said they're going to put an end to that word and want to stop the whole world from using it. Paul claims that he was cured of that word after Michael used it the way he did.
Gary told Howard that they have Katt Williams coming in this week and that guy uses the N-word more than anyone else in his comedy act. For some guys it's like crack. Gary also said that one of their interns put together a song parody where they put Richards' use of the N-word to the tune of ''My Niggas.'' Howard played a few seconds of that but bailed out pretty quick.
Double A told Artie that he should hang with him so they can get some bitches. That led to Artie talking about how he's already getting shit from this new chick he banged. He said she was upset that he called her 30-ish when she's really only 28. Artie said his head was going to explode over that whole thing.
Artie also told Howard about this Playboy mansion gig he was going to be doing. He said that it sounds like it's going to be something else when he goes out there. They're going to have a lot of Playboy models out there.
Howard said that he had a clip from The Wrap Up Show where Artie took some shit about finally getting laid again. He played a clip where Artie talked about how great new pussy is when it's wrapped around your cock. He sounded very happy about getting some new ''vag'' over the vacation. He was telling the guys just how great it felt to have some ''new slit'' and stuff like that.
Howard said he got a lot of mail about those comments and people were upset with him for using those terms. Robin said that it was over the top but that's what made it funny. Howard also mentioned that he heard some of Greg Fitzsimmons' show last night and the guy was good. He said the show was produced well and he's very happy with what he heard.
Artie said that Greg really is a good stand-up comedian, he's worked with him for the past 12 years or so. Gary said that he heard a story about Greg working with Michael Richards at the Laugh Factory one time and he had one of his rants at that time. Howard had a clip from The Wrap Up Show when Greg was on a few months ago. Greg said that Michael Richards was yelling out Jew comments at the club to some woman in the front row. Greg said his performance art phase was kind of odd.
Gary was going to try and track down Greg to get him on the show to talk about that. Howard said he doesn't think that Richards has much of an act and that's the kind of stuff he does. Artie said he doesn't think the guy is a racist, he was just trying to be shocking in a way that just didn't work.
Howard read another e-mail about Artie where someone complained about him using the N-word from that old show from Las Vegas where he was drunk and yelling out the N-word. The writer thinks that Artie is just as bad as Michael Richards.
Howard read some mail about Scott Ferrall and that led to Robin talking about how on fire he was yesterday. Scott called into the Wrap Up Show after the regular show and continued to go off on Sid Rosenberg. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said he was trying to tell Fred a personal thought but he put his headphones back on and didn't hear him. Fred was having problems with his voice and said he had a bit of a cold. Howard said he wouldn't know because Fred speaks so infrequently.
Lisa G came in with her Howard 100 News preview. She said that Penny Crone got an interview with Sam Simon who said he has worked with Michael Richards and said that he had a script thrown at him by the guy. He apparently told her that Richards is a very angry person. Howard said he thinks that's the guy's act doing stuff like that.
Lisa G said that on Page 69 they will have an interesting story about Sal hitching a ride home with Jon Hein and how he doesn't chip in to help pay for the costs. Lisa said they'll be talking about a special video of Beetlejuice that's available on the web now.
Gary came in and told Howard it's someone they like making fun of on the show. That led to the guys talking about Richard Simmons and how he was on the show last week. Howard got back to the Mystery Record again and tried to figure out who it was. Gary just told them that it was Steven Segal. Howard said he didn't think he sounded that bad in the song. Everyone seemed to be surprised that it was him.
Howard said that Richard Christy's dad left him another message recently where he talks about falling into a beaver hole. He played the clip and Mr. Christy said he slipped into a river and fell into a beaver hole and got stuck. He lucked out and there was no beaver in there so he didn't get bit.
Mr. Christy talked about how he was going to have a lot of coon dicks this year. Howard said that he likes that this guy is out hunting like people used to do so many years ago. He's living the simple life, not waiting in line for a Playstation 3 as Robin pointed out.
Robin seemed to think Howard was out of his mind with that stuff but he continued to talk about how men lose interest in all of that stuff. He said that Robin never hit the wall because she never had kids. Normal women do hit that wall when they have kids according to Howard. The woman said that she's breast feeding so Robin told her that a man doesn't want to see that and won't want to be with her during times like that.
The woman, Kari, said that she's still good looking and she's getting back into shape but her husband just doesn't want her. She said she had to stop having sex when she was at about 7 months pregnant. He was still doing her up until that time. Howard said that guys getting new chick is the best thing and that's what a guy is going to look for after his wife has a baby.
Howard said that he has been in a relationship with Beth for a long time now. He's still enjoying sex with her but he's read Bill Maher's book where he talks about how living with one person for your whole life is crazy. It's just not possible for some people to stay with just one person. Robin said that women want that but guys might not be interested in it.
Kari said that she has tried dressing up for her husband but he just shows no interest. She said that he doesn't even want her to blow him. Artie told her to put on one of her Victoria's Secret slips and then drive her husband to a whore house. Robin told her that her body is a different thing right now so it's probably freaking the guy out.
Howard said that when his kids were born it was really tough to handle because there was so much pressure to support them and all of that. He told the woman to call him back in 2 months to ask him about it. Kari said that her husband used to make time for her but now he doesn't do it. He's just lost interest in her.
Howard said that guys have these kids but some of them end up not taking care of them at all. He said they have no idea what it's going to do to their wives when they rush into having kids. Artie said that's the way he thinks and he just wants them not to talk to him until they can play catch.
Howard let Kari go and took another call from a guy who was rambling about nothing. Howard hung up on him and another guy said that he knows of some shots that might help that woman out... Shots of Jack Daniels. Howard also said that there's a new birth control pill out there that will stop production of sperm for men but he doesn't believe that it could work. He said he could never take something like that because you don't know what else it's doing to your body other than killing off your sperm for a few hours.
Robin said that there are a lot of birth control products out now that can stop a woman's period for long periods of time. Howard took another call from a woman who said she has no problem with her husband and they started having sex right after the baby was born. Howard said there are a lot of variables in relationships like that and it could be many things that are keeping that guy from banging his wife. Guys are very visual and they don't want their wives getting big and not being the skinny chick they married.
The woman said that it is very tough having a baby and she has to put a lot of effort into making the marriage work. Howard took another call from a guy who said that he's been married for 15 years and he can't wait to get home to fuck his wife. He said there must be something wrong with that chick like maybe an odor or something.
Howard said he's still happy in his 7 year relationship with Beth. He knows that their heads would burst if they put kids into the mix. The caller said that he has two kids but he still loves his wife and wants to bang her. She once finished blowing him before going to feed the kid who was crying.
Richard came in and said that the band is pretty popular. Howard played a few tracks and had everyone laughing at how bad the singing was. It sounded like a goof but it wasn't. Gary came in and said that he was on their web site and they've canceled part of their tour because they're back in the studio coming up with some new stuff.
Richard said that there was one band who performed like that and they didn't even have lyrics, they just had a guy making noise in that low, strange voice.
Howard said the band is pretty good but that voice is tough to take. He played a few seconds of just about every track off the album. Gary said he was on their web site and they have a box set which spans their whole 10 year career. Howard thinks that he could sing like that if he had some backing music. Howard thought the singer sounded a little bit like Cousin Brucie. That led to him talking about Brucie who came up to him the other day there at SIRIUS and shook his hand. He said Brucie is friendly now that they're working together at SIRIUS.
Howard did some of his Cousin Brucie impression and goofed on him a little bit. He said that Brucie is on the 50s channel there at SIRIUS. He said he can't listen to that music. He said he really hates 50's music but Artie said he kind of likes Chuck Berry.
Howard got back to the Six Feet Under songs and listened to some Purple Haze. Fred was playing dog barking sounds as they played that song. Howard also played a Riley Martin song parody and a Michael Richards song parody to the tune of Green Day's American Idiot. He then went into a prank call that Big Foot Mark and Blue Iris made to a guy who was looking for ducks. They told the guy they had ducks in Blue's ass. The two of them were trying to pick the guy up and he started to play along with them for a short time.
Richard said that he had to thank a fan who sent them a list of people who like to buy and sell stuff, that's where they got that guy's number. Howard said he had to take another break but they have the Mexican Delivery Guy game coming up next.
Howard had another Garver interview with some rap group called French Eyeball. Garver had them describe Howard in one word but they had to use 3 words... Off the Chain. They seemed to know what they were talking about but Howard and Robin weren't quite sure. Garver was having some trouble getting his lines out as well. He asked the guys what they were talking about when they said Howard was off the chain. They basically said that it means that he's great.
Howard said that Garver got an interview with a teen group called The Cheetah Girls. Garver asked them if they think that the Pussycat Dolls teach young girls that they have to be sexy to be famous. They answered that and also said that Paris Hilton is very talented. The girls thought that Michael Richards use of the N-word was wrong and all talked over each other as they were answering.
Angelique has been in 12 movies and she's only been in porn for about a year now. She said she likes doing all girl and boy/girl and sometimes boy/boy/girl. She said she likes to give guys blow jobs and to dominate guys in the movies as well. Howard didn't seem to have a problem understanding what she was saying but Robin may have missed some of it.
Angelique said that she doesn't do all of that kind of stuff in her private life, she keeps it to the movies. Howard read that she won't do black guys so she said that the only reason is that some black guys in porn have huge penises and she can't handle the size. She has done black guys in her private life though.
Howard asked her what the perfect sized penis is. She said that she just shot a video with a guy who was like 10 inches but she wasn't sure if it was going to work out but it did. Howard read that she was a stripper for a while and eventually got into the porn thing.
Howard quickly moved on to the Mexican Delivery Guy game. They called up for some deliveries and had some guys show up with food. The first guy came in but they needed an interpreter to help them out. Howard asked the guy some questions about his life and found out he is into women. Then he asked the guy if he would rather have a $20 tip or squeeze Angelique's breasts. The guy had to think about it for a short time. Howard had her take her top off to tease the guy. Artie said that she had some big French torpedoes on her chest.
Howard asked the first player what he wanted to do. He said ''I dunno...'' Then he chose the $20 tip instead. He said that he might have a problem with his manager if he does squeeze her breasts. The interpreter said it was a legal issue and he didn't want to risk it.
Howard tried to entice him some more by telling the guy he could grab her ass after she takes down her dress. Howard had her take off her dress to show what she was offering. Howard asked the guy what he thought about her ass and he said it was a beautiful ass. Howard told him that he could squeeze her boobs and ass or take the money. The guy was very dedicated to his job and said he had to take the money.
Howard thanked the guy for coming in and let him go. He said he was shocked that the guy didn't take the opportunity to feel her up. Howard said he would have done it if he were that guy. She offered to go over to him to let him feel her up but he just kept going and ignored the offer.
Howard read that Angelique has a foot fetish so he asked her about that. She said that she has a pedicure every week and likes to take care of them with a massage and things like that. He asked her if she has had guys masturbate on her feet. She said that hasn't happened but guys have paid to touch her feet. Howard said he doesn't understand that fetish at all. He would never masturbate to a woman's foot or pay to massage her feet.
Howard asked Angelique what other weird shit she gets into. She said she's really not into that many strange things. Howard asked Gary if they had any more delivery guys coming up. Gary said they have another one coming up but he wasn't there yet. He heard that she wanted to ride the Sybian but when Howard asked her about it, she had no idea what it was. Will said he said that maybe she would want to ride it, he didn't say that she would ride it.
Howard showed Angelique the Sybian and she decided she would give it a try. She went over and hopped on the machine with her underwear off. Howard told her to give them her real feelings as she was riding it. She took it for a ride but wasn't feeling much at first. Gary turned up the speed and she started feeling it but she kept talking and talking. Howard had Gary turn it up even more. She started squeezing her breasts and laughed as it was vibrating her. She said it was a little ticklish to her.
Angelique had Gary turn it up to full speed. She was still laughing at it because it was tickling her. She must not have been on the right spot or something. She felt it was too strong at one point so they had to knock it down a little bit. She said it would take her about 15 minutes to get off on that machine.
Howard said they didn't have another delivery guy so he was going to wrap up with her. He gave her a plug for her web site and then went to break.
Howard said he's thinking of suing a magazine that showed a picture of what was supposed to be Tiger Woods' wife but it turns out it was just her face on another model's body. He said that's just wrong. Howard said that he heard Scott Ferrall talking about beating off to those pictures so he could probably join that lawsuit as well.
Howard said that David Hinkley wrote an article about him while they were on vacation and basically made it seem like he's failed in his move to satellite. He said he was going to ignore it but his math was all off. They ended up printing a retraction the next day about the math but no one is going to read it because of where they put it. He said there's a bias against him and the fact that he's not failing. They refuse to say anything nice about him. Hinkley has written some things about him that he would consider ''fair'' but that's about as far as he'll go.
Howard read a story about an Iraqi comedian who was killed over in Iraq. The guy was shot in the head 3 times on his way to work. He apparently pissed off the wrong people doing his comedy over there. Howard said that this is what freedom has brought to that country.
Howard had a bunch of various clips to play. He whipped through a few short clips and then played a Mike Walker bit they put together using clips from Dateline where they catch people who are trying to have sex with young children. They had clips of Mike in place of the pedophiles that they were catching. Robin said she liked the Ronnie one better. Howard played that one for her after playing the Mike Walker clip.
Howard mentioned that they have a picture up on his web site of Gary's face on Richard Simmons' body. He said it was pretty funny and everyone should check it out.
Howard said he's really into this chess playing right now and there's this guy playing a computer they call Deep Fritz. The guy was playing the game and ended up getting check mated in a way that just about everyone saw coming except for this guy who is like the best player out there. Artie said that he'd like to get into that game but he's got some paint that he wants to watch dry instead.
Howard said it was remarkable that this guy didn't see the check mate coming because even he saw it. He said he'd like to read an interview with the guy to see what he was thinking when he blew that game. That led to the guys talking about Bobby Fisher and some other famous chess guys. Gary came in and said that there was a whole article about it and it was really funny to read about it.
Howard said that the guy's name is Vladimir Kramnik. He read the article that Gary brought him and the guy had no explanation for his move. Howard still found it hard to believe that a guy that good could screw up the game like that. Robin said that's what the game is all about.
Gary said that he was asked to show up and introduce Dice at this party. He said this guy's house is spectacular. He said it had to be 15-20,000 square feet of house. His wife came with him and saw a kitchen on one side of the house and the guy told her to turn the other way where the kitchen continued. They also have a sub kitchen where they do the food preparation so they don't mess up the other one.
Gary said the house was really beautiful. He said he got there and was snuck in the back of the house. He sat down and watched some football and then Dice showed up. They hung out while the party goers were eating and stuff like that. Gary said the foyer of the house is where the stage was set up and there were only about 40 people there. Gary wasn't sure if Dice got the $40,000 that Artie was offered. Artie said he hopes he did.
Gary said that the guys were asked to take a tour of the house but Gary and Dice had to stay in that room. Gary said that Dice has to walk around with a digital camera because he's doing this reality TV show and he has to tape himself. Gary said it was really bizarre to hang out with him and have him flipping the camera back and forth.
Howard said that Dice was doing that back in the days when he was hanging with him. He took the camera to the houses they'd look at and tape himself all the time.
Gary said he did the introduction for Dice at the party. There are only 40 people there. His wife was there, his parents were there and some of his other family members. That didn't stop Dice from doing his material though, he was doing all kinds of stuff about the people who were there.
Gary said Dice was actually very nervous about doing a small party like that. He wanted to do a good job and he was worried about what might happen. He actually did 40 minutes there. Gary said the party was great and they had some great food there.
Artie said the guy has to have a shitload of money to be able to offer him $40,000 to do the party. Gary said the guy made all of his money on his own too. He was also saying that the bathroom he was using was enormous.
Artie said that Dice is shooting this reality TV show and he may be part of it because he was being shot up in New Hampshire a couple of months back.
Howard said that Bubba and his crew are going to do this thing where they're going to take a ton of Ex-Lax and see who can hold it in the longest without shitting. He said Bubba's mother called in and started talking shit with her son when they were on that subject. He said it's a weird scene over there on Bubba's show.
Howard talked about the time when they all put on diapers and pissed in them. He said Gary had this really weird smile on his face when he was pissing his diaper.
Robin told Howard to play a clip from The Bachelor because it was so gay that she thought that she might be able to shame Howard into not watching it anymore. Howard played the clip where the guy in the show told the woman he picked that he couldn't marry her. Howard played a couple of other clips from the show and one of the girls he picked just sounded really dopey... and she's a school teacher. Another woman was crying as she was talking about how much she wants this guy. Howard said he loves when these women get rejected and start crying over it. They don't even know the guy and they're crying when he turns them down.
Howard said the thing that was horrible was when Bing Crosby and David Bowie did that Christmas song together. He liked the song but it kind of sucked that Bowie did it with such an asshole. That led to him talking about Bing Crosby and an interview he did with Barbara Walters years ago where he talked about his kids. He also talked about the interview Barbara did with Sean Connery where he talked about slapping a woman to put her in her place when it needs to be done. He had an audio clip from that interview so he played that and goofed on him a little bit.
Howard played some more of Billy Idol's ''Happy Holidays'' CD. He and Robin remembered the last time they saw him at one of their last K-Rock Christmas parties. The guy was trying to look like a hard core rocker but he just wasn't happening. Robin said she didn't want to go through the holidays now that she's heard this album.
Gary told Howard to play the fifth track on the album because it shows that Billy just can't sing. Howard played that and then had to wrap up and go to break.
Howard said the morning went by really quick this morning. He said that he had a contest winner in the studio to watch them work. This woman donated some money to charity (Nordoff Robbins) to get into the studio. Howard spent a minute talking to her and said that she was pretty hot.
The woman, Kim, said that she donated the money to a music therapy charity. Howard wondered what's wrong with the kids who can't calm down. Gary said he thinks they're autistic kids. Howard said something about autism being the kids who wear helmets and bang their heads against the wall. He asked her if she works in that field or something. She said she doesn't and she just wanted the chance to come up and meet Howard and the guys.
Kim said she works in the public relations field. She makes enough money that she can give that three grand up. Howard tried to find out how much she makes and figures it has to be over $150,000 a year. She wasn't saying exactly what she makes though. She said she went to Florida State so Howard spent some time talking about that saying that all female students have to wear bikinis at that school.
Howard and the guy asked her if she banged any black guys when she was in school. She said she didn't date any and only made out with a black guy. Artie and Gary were asking her about this guy Charlie Ward that she graduated with. Kim said that it was definitely worth the three grand to come up to the studio when Howard asked her about it.
Gary told Howard that he had one more Christmas Mystery Record to play. The song is so bad that it's only being released in one country. They had a touch time tracking it down to play it on the show. Howard took a bunch of guesses but couldn't come up with the answer. Gary said it was Heidi Kluum and it's only out in Germany.
Howard ended up talking about Heidi Kluum's guy Seal and that crap he has on his face. Gary said that the guy tells a different story about where that stuff came from. At one point he said that he thought he looks like he got poked ''under the eye'' which led to Howard goofing on him about his dopey comment.
Kim said that she actually met Howard one time but she couldn't say where it was because that would give up the information about where she works. Gary knew what she was talking about and wrote down where Howard met her. Howard said it was nice having her in there and asked if she has a boyfriend. She said she has one who she's been with for 8 years. She's not looking to get married though. She said that she's kind of in that Oprah Winfrey and Stedman phase.
Howard talked to Kim about the music therapy thing while he was playing some of that Six Feet Under music he was playing earlier in the show. He spent a little more time talking to Kim and playing more of that Six Feet Under stuff.
Robin ended up telling Howard a story about this kid she saw a report about who taught himself to play the Cello and has written all kinds of music. She said it was really amazing and he apparently has music in his head all the time.
Howard was still thinking about this charity and wondered if music really can calm a kid down. He wanted to get some autistic kids in there to see if it actually works.
Steve said that they'll have an interview with Cabbie about the things he has going on in his life. They're also going to be checking out Chocolate Singles which is a dating service that Robin said she used many years ago.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He mentioned that they'll be talking about Angelique Morgan's visit. They'll also be talking about the music that Howard was playing and the mystery records that were played during the show. Jon went through a couple of other things that they'll be covering before Howard let him go.
Howard had Robin get to her news but a short time later he was replaying some of the stuff that he played earlier in the morning. He played the phone call that Daniel Carver, Wendy the Retard and Gary the Retard had about the Michael Richards thing. He also replayed some of Sal's interviews from up in Harlem.
Howard said that Cabbie has been calling in at the worst time these days. He was on the phone wanting to talk to him but he wants to get out of there at a decent time. He told Gary to let Cabbie know that he should call in between 6 and 9, not at 10:15.
Howard picked up Cabbie's call anyway and said that he doesn't want to be there until 11:15 every day. Cabbie said he's got food poisoning today and has been shitting his ass off so he's not even at work today. Cabbie said that he's having this comedy show event for him and he wanted to get in a plug. He asked Artie if he could put him on the bill. Artie said he can and he will do the show on December 20th at Don Hill's in New York City. Cabbie said that tickets go on sale tomorrow.
Robin wondered why Ralph hasn't been calling in lately. Howard said that he's in Hawaii glomming off of Sam Simon for a week. He said that Ralph will move on his action and he's not sure what's in it for Sam Simon. Artie said he's been invited out there too but he hasn't been able to make it. Artie said that Norm MacDonald is out there with them as well.
A little later on during the news the guys were talking about Jesse Jackson's comments on the Michael Richards situation and how Jackson is a racist himself. He's made a few racist comments in public over the years.
Howard went into his Dana impression a little bit late in the news and asked Artie if he would have a problem if one of the other guys on the show started to date her. Benjy's name came up so Artie said he likes Benjy but someone he knows dating Dana just wouldn't be cool. Howard had Robin finish up her news and ended the show around 10:50am.
Howard started off the show saying that he heard from Paul Mooney who is dropping the N-word from his act so that's big news for when he comes on next. Artie said he won't be dropping it from his act. He doesn't think anyone is paying attention to what he does so he can slip under the radar with that.
Howard said that he was reading an article about how XM and SIRIUS are in talks about merging but he's not sure if that's really a story or not. He said that the stories are usually in someone's blog and not really a big story. He's not sure what the future holds but he's not sure if they will ever merge the two companies.
Howard said he was listening to Bubba's show and they were having some kind of shitting show where all of the guys were taking laxatives and stuff to see who could hold out longer. He didn't hear it himself, he got his news from Ronnie the Limo Driver who heard it. Howard said he wanted to hear it but he had to get out of his car before he did. Howard said that Ronnie told him that one of the guys threw up from the stink in the studio.
Howard said that Gary gave him a card from this guy he started out with in the business and now he's selling real estate. He said this guy Ted Utz is now doing the real estate thing instead of working in radio and he finds it kind of strange when that happens.
Robin said that Ted bad mouthed WNEW when he left the station years ago and that may have been the biggest mistake of his career. Gary told Howard that he left a message on his machine one time years ago and Howard ended up getting really upset with the guy. Robin said she was talking about the guy bad mouthing his old radio station, not Howard. Robin said that Mel Karmazin shunned the guy after he bad mouthed his radio station because it was literally Mel's station at the time.
Howard said they had this woman Donna Fiducia that they used to work with and they really liked her. They ended up getting fired from NBC and moved to K-Rock and they refused to hire her because she once bad mouthed Mel on the air. Gary remembered the story and said that it was some little comment after Howard had made his own comments about Mel. Howard said Mel didn't have a problem with him bad mouthing him but he did have a problem with Donna doing it.
Gary said that Mel holds a grudge and once talked about a former employee in front of someone else because he didn't want to talk to the guy. It was Andy Bloom who was trying to talk to him and Mel said that he was feeling a breeze on his neck but he wasn't sure what it was, right in front of Andy who used to work for the company.
Gary said that Mel doesn't like people who leave the company and he lets them know it. Howard said he feels the same way about some people. There are others that he still likes though, like Robin Radzinski, Mark Cronin and others. There are some who leave the right way and others who don't.
Artie said that he had to quit to go work in show business and his boss at the time wondered what he was going to do. He had to make sure that it was okay with the guy because he seemed so upset that he was leaving. The guy was basically trying to tell him that he had no business leaving the job with no college education. Artie said he had to go though.
Howard said that Jackie left the show but he really doesn't feel bad about the guy, he still loves him. He said he doesn't want to say he did him a favor but he kind of did. He said he understands why Jackie left and really doesn't have a problem with him now. Gary said he thought that Howard had issues with Jackie and didn't want to socialize with him for years. Howard said that wasn't the case, it seemed to be coming more from Jackie than from him.
Howard said that things got weird with him and Stuttering John but he doesn't dislike him. He also said that Scott Einziger has written him a couple of times saying that he thinks that he made a mistake leaving the show the way he did. Howard said he wrote the guy back but he wasn't sure how to get that relationship back on track so it may never happen. He said he told Scott he has no hard feelings but he's not good at repairing things like that so he might not be able to get past those feelings that he was betrayed by Scott.
Gary asked Howard about the Scott Einziger thing and said that he felt a sense of weirdness when he left. Scott ended up going to the show The Amazing Race and Howard didn't think it was going to succeed... but it's still on to this day.
Gary said that for months after Scott left, Howard would crack jokes about him. Howard said it did bother him that he left because he was a friend and he was sad to see him go. Artie remembered it being quite a bit of goofing on Scott when he first started. He didn't know the guy all that well but remembers that it was like a full week of goofing.
Gary asked Howard if he had a hard time with Scott leaving. Howard said he did but he wasn't really angry. Robin said he was angry and it came out on the air that way. Howard said Scott thought he was mad at him but he really wasn't. He said Scott got upset that he didn't keep in touch after he left but that's because he's not around the station anymore and he's 3,000 miles away in California. Howard said he never called the guy before he left so why would he call after? Stuttering John was the same way according to Howard. He said that John got upset that he didn't keep in touch with him after he left. Howard says that's because John is so far away.
Howard said he doesn't go to dinner with anyone socially during the week. Gary said that John told him he tried to make plans on the weekend one time. Howard said they invited him over one time but John couldn't make it because he was too busy.
Gary heard that Howard was once approached to tape something for Stuttering John for Ross' wedding but he turned it down. Howard said he was never asked to do that, but if he was, he wouldn't have done it anyway. Artie said he did that tape and it really was awkward.
Howard said that John seems to think he's more important than he really is because he thinks that he's all busted up with him leaving. He said that's not the case. Robin said that John hasn't kept in touch with him much over the past few years because John got kind of weird with her right before he left the show. Gary said John was all over the place that week before he left.
Robin said that Howard says that but he would probably never talk to him again. Howard said he had to do that because Artie had said something on the air about how he might be rejected if he did leave the show. Howard said he would be hurt if Artie left but he's done nothing wrong if he does want to go in a different direction.
Howard read some of the mail about Artie's FOX deal. One guy thinks that Artie will be the next Jackie and will leave and fail. The guy said that no one will support him if he leaves the show. Another e-mailer said that if Artie leaves it will be the biggest mistake in his life. He has no future according to that person.
Howard read a bunch of other e-mails. People think that he's nuts if he does leave the show because he will just fail like he's failed with so many other TV shows and movies. One person said that the only thing Artie will be able to do is explode from overeating.
Artie said that those e-mails make him want to leave the show even more now. Robin asked him what's going on because yesterday he was sleeping on the show. He had his eyes closed through a lot of the show. Howard said he wants to be honest with Artie and said that the show should be 4 hours long but they always go over and he kind of gets it when Artie zones out.
Artie said that he was up late last night because he wasn't able to sleep. He said he was up at like 1 in the morning. Howard said he goes to meditate when he can't sleep and it helps. Artie said he'd like to be able to do that stuff so Howard told him to go right ahead learn it because it's easy. He told him to go to the TM place in New York City.
Artie said that the Monday after vacation is the worst. He went home after the show on Monday and slept until 10:30 at night so he was up the rest of the night. Robin said that Artie was awake during the show and still contributing but he had his eyes closed. She goofed on him about that and laughed as she was describing him with his eyes closed.
Artie said that he's always had that problem and used to sleep at work on the docks. He said the guys would find him sleeping in a drum sometimes.
The caller said that he liked seeing the old Beetlejuice show where chicks were making out with him. Howard talked about that and how they have other shows in the works and they should be great. They have a whole special about the Sybian coming up soon.
John Boy called in and told Howard that he watched Beth's show ''Casino Cinema'' last night and he wasn't too thrilled with the guy who was a guest on the show. He said the guy is Mr. Eko from the show ''Lost'' and he was looking her up and down and even went in for a hug when she went to give him a high five. He thought the guy kind of grabbed a little feel of her titty. John Boy told Howard he might have to put his foot down and stop that stuff from happening. Howard said he's seen that guy and there's no way he's going to be able to stop him from doing anything.
Howard said Beth went out last night to some event so he had to beat off to get to sleep. John Boy said that he shouldn't be beating off. It's okay for the fans to have to beat off but not for Howard. Howard said he really does have to beat off sometimes to get to sleep. He said he thought he was tired enough to sleep but he figured it would help to beat off instead of taking a sleeping pill.
John Boy said that it wouldn't be hard for Howard to put his foot down and demand that Beth take care of him. Howard said he used to be like that but he's not anymore. He said that when Beth leaves him even she feels bad because she has trouble falling asleep when she doesn't go to bed at the same time.
Howard said that he had just shaved his balls last night so he was felling kind of sexy. He said he didn't shave them down all the way, he just ''Don Johnson'd'' them and left some stubble on them. He likes to have them clean for when a woman is blowing him so she doesn't have hair in her mouth.
John Boy started telling Howard about his grooming habits down there. He said he has blonde hair so it's not as noticeable down there. Howard said he was trimming up last night and has a technique down when he does that stuff.
Artie said that he had an epiphany the other day and knows that he has a couple of slam dunks around the country. He thinks that he can knock down like a dozen broads in the next 6 months. He's starting to eat healthier so he should be losing weight. He said that these chicks are like solid 8's so he's looking forward to banging a bunch of women. He's not looking for a relationship at this point.
Howard said that Howard TV had video of the guy hugging Beth last night on Casino Cinema so he watched it. His hand did linger around her stomach a little longer than it should but Howard said he didn't cop a feel. He was just keeping his hand by her flat stomach.
Artie said that he just recently saw the Michael Richards video clip from the Laugh Factory and he thought it was kind of funny because he was doing the funny moves he did as Kramer on Seinfeld but he was also yelling out the N-word. That led to Howard talking about that whole thing and said that Richards was trying to be outrageous like Lenny Bruce or something but it just didn't work.
JD told Howard they have the uncut version of the Michael Richards rant. Howard played it a short time later and listened to the whole thing. He got a few laughs out of the clip and said the guy was trying to be funny but he sounds like he's out of his mind. There were some people laughing during the whole thing so it was funny to them.
Howard did an impression of Richards and Fred played some Gilbert Gottfried laughs while he was doing it. Howard said that Richards really shouldn't worry because Mel Gibson seems to be doing okay after his racist comments. He's got a new movie coming out and they're not doing anything to hide the fact that it's his movie. He said that years ago they would have tried to downplay that. now they just say that this is ''Mel Gibson's Apocolypto.''
Howard thinks that so many people hate the Jews that they'll all go to see this new Mel Gibson movie. They may go see it twice just because it's his movie. No one was even sure what the movie was about. Robin said that even Mel can't explain what it's about.
Howard said his assistant Laura sent him a note saying that she has TiVo'd Seinfeld for the past 5 years abut since that whole thing went down with Michael Richards, she has stopped watching it. Howard said that's probably why Jerry Seinfeld got him on Letterman with him the other night. He wanted to do some damage control since their DVD was coming out around that time.
Howard thanked John Boy for calling in and was about to let him go. John Boy said that he thinks that Artie will be fine with his FOX show and all of the poon he'll be getting on this tour. Howard said that this will be like Artie's' pussy tour. Artie was saying that he can get a whore out in Vegas when he's out there and she'll look like Pam Anderson. He said it might cost him ten grand but she'll be hot.
Howard said it would be kind of cool if Eric was on that show Heroes. He then went on to goof on Eric's crazy demands. He did an impression of him asking for a colony to built on the planet Jupiter. He mentioned Katherine McPhee at one point and said that she has gotten really hot lately.
Howard said that Jimmy had a strange thought when he remembered that Britney is someone's mother. She's out partying with Paris Hilton and showing her pussy.
Howard said that he was reading about Pam Anderson and Kid Rock's break up and it seems that she's out partying all the time. He wondered who's home taking care of the kids while she's out partying. Howard read an article about their relationship and found out that Kid Rock, Bob, was taking care of his kid and Pam's kids. Howard said he has to get those two on the phone to talk about all of this crazy stuff he was reading about them.
Howard said he doesn't think that Pam Anderson has that much money. At least for how famous she is. That led to Robin saying that she's been reading about Anna Nicole Smith buying house after house down in the Bahamas and she can't imagine she's got any money either.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard to play a prank call that they played yesterday. Howard found the clip and played the Big Foot Mark and Blue Iris clip that the guy requested. He said he had to take a break after that.
Sam said that they were making changes to the show that week and one morning Richards showed up very angry so he tried to talk to him with this guy Spike Feresten who was running the show. Sam said he was going to say that they had some great new jokes in the script but they didn't get everything done that they wanted to. They went into a room with Spike and Richards interrupted him, said ''I knew it, you're one of them!'' and threw the script at his head. Sam said that he's never experience anything like that. He felt there was a physical threat from Richards the whole time.
Sam said that Richards quit the show when the audience was there. He was talked back to the show by an executive. Then it started eating at him that the executive was so low on the totem pole so he quit again. Then he came back when a higher up guy talked to him.
Sam said that Richards was acting very strange during the show and stood on his head in one scene where he wasn't supposed to.
Sam said there was another moment on the show when they found Richards curled up in a ball crying. He said he had to go talk to the guy because he was directing the episode. He said the guy was literally crying. He said they got through the week but they had to go back the week after to do a pick-up shot for a stunt they had done. He said the stunt guy on the show was trying to be friendly with Richards. The guy was like the voice of Michael on the set of the show. So they did this shot where Richards was going to light himself on fire. They were going to have his gloves catch fire but Richards wanted to douse himself in lighter fluid and catch himself on fire instead.
Sam said that he had to talk the guy out of lighting himself on fire that day. Sam said Richards actually did that fire thing, he wasn't able to talk him out of it. Sam said that he saw the Laugh Factory thing and figured that people were finally seeing the Michael Richards that he knew.
Howard said that Sarah Silverman was asked about the Richards thing and she didn't want to comment on it. Everyone seems to think that he's a flaming asshole and now people can see it first hand. Sam said that Richards was not allowed in the writers offices at Seinfeld from what he's heard. He was isolated from the rest of the crew over there.
Howard said that Michael Richards was the shining light on ''Fridays'' so many years ago. He said the guy was really funny on there. Artie said he was hilarious on Seinfeld too. Howard said that if his assistant is an example, a lot of people aren't going to be watching that show anymore.
Howard changed subjects and asked Sam about flying Ralph out to Hawaii. Sam said that he pays for everything with Ralph when he takes him out there. Howard wondered what he gets out of that relationship. Sam said that he's a friend of his, that's it. Howard asked him how much it costs him to go out there. Sam said that he flew Ralph out there first class. He said that his assistant takes care of the details.
Howard said that Ralph didn't tell anyone he was going out there so the Howard TV guys, his employer, were kind of upset about it. Howard said Ralph was supposed to set up a payment for some clothes that he bought and kind of freaked out the places where he got them from. He said Ralph just leaves town and doesn't bother telling anyone.
Howard said it's unbelievable that Sam takes care of Ralph's flight, food and hotel when he goes to Hawaii. Artie asked if Norm MacDonald had to chip in at any point to pay for Ralph. Sam said that might have happened at some point. Howard said they were just trying to figure out what it is about Ralph that Sam likes. Sam said that Ralph is kind of fun and it's nice to see him enjoying the stuff that he gets to do.
Gary said that John Stamos told him that Ralph can hang out around anyone and not get star struck so he can be taken anywhere. He said they have fun together and that's why he likes hanging out with him.
Sam said that he brought his girlfriend to Hawaii so Gary thought that was kind of weird. It's almost like Sam is taking a kid who won't leave home. Sam said he hopes that Ralph goes home today, he's still hanging out there. Sam said he was supposed to leave on Monday but he must have changed his plans.
Artie said that Ralph is staying at Sam's house but in the guest house out there. Sam has a really nice place and just had a guest house built so that's where Ralph is staying. Howard asked Sam if Ralph got laid out there. Sam said he didn't even try which was kind of weird.
The guys wondered what Ralph is like with chicks. They figured that Ralph only likes girls to fuck and not really for their company. Sam said that Ralph was going through a calendar of girls from like FHM and picking them all apart. He said that Ralph was cutting out each girl and building his own perfect girl from the best parts of each one.
Howard said he's seen Ralph do that and he puts so much work into it. He said he'll do that for free but when someone pays him to do something, he doesn't even try to work hard. Howard took a call after that and said that this whole thing is incredibly gay. He said that Ralph is very unappreciative and doesn't deserve this.
Another caller said that Ralph isn't even getting laid while he's getting all of this free stuff. Sam said that Ralph likes to have a nice life and he likes doing stuff that he doesn't usually get to do. Howard said he's seen that as well and he likes to go sit in a spa and things like that. Another caller said that Ralph is very close to being Kato Kaelin.
Artie said that Kato was very good friends with Norm MacDonald when they were doing The Norm Show. He said that he did the first season with Norm and then they found out it was picked up for a second season. He went out there and found out that Norm had become friends with Kato Kaelin.
Gary said that he heard that one time Sam left Ralph the keys to his Mercedes but he wanted to drive his Bentley so he asked the help at his house to help him move the cars so he could get that car instead. Sam talked about how Kato Kaelin was always being passed around from celebrity to celebrity out there. Artie said that he had Kato in his life for the longest time. He said that he was in his life day after day back then and the guy would make you angry just from the comments he was making.
Artie said that Norm and Kato had a falling out but he wasn't sure what that was about. He said that one time they were out playing tennis and they ended up having a problem with David Hyde Pierce. The court was right next to the set they shot at and that guy would get all scared when Artie would freak out on the court. He said the guy actually complained about them and got them kicked out of the club.
Gary said that he got pissed thinking that Ralph is out there in Sam's house sleeping 20 feet away from them while they're on the air. Howard said Beth is kind of upset with him because he was supposed to be there for the DogCatemy Awards show she's doing. He apparently told her that he's too tired from his vacation in Hawaii. Gary said that there's a double standard there because he could never do what Ralph does.
Howard played a prank call that the guys made using clips of Tracy from when he was on. In the call the woman they called was coughing so they had Tracy goofing on the cough. Howard liked it so much that he had to play it a second time. After that he said that it's probably the best bit Tracy has ever done but it was actually Sal and Richard who put it together using audio clips of his voice.
Howard had some funny Jay Leno clips that Richard assembled from audio from Jay's audio book. He had Jay saying all kinds of weird shit. Richard told Howard that Jay actually curses a couple of times in this audio book of his. He assembled them to make it sound like Jay was saying that he sucks cock and stuff like that.
Howard said that he was thinking of doing Letterman's show but someone suggested that he do Leno's show because it would be a big score since they're kind of feuding. Howard didn't like the idea so he won't be doing it.
Ronnie the Limo Driver thinks that Debella looks kind of like Artie's mother. Howard thought that was kind of insulting but Ronnie came in and defended himself saying that he was just saying that Artie's mother is good looking for her age, he wasn't saying she looks like a porn star.
Howard played another clip where this woman Debella is getting banged by two guys. She's talking about how she will never forget this 50th birthday party. The guy was pounding her pretty hard in that clip. Howard said he didn't want to take a break because things were going so well so far this morning.
Howard said that he commented on the Dixie Chicks years ago and he wishes that he could take those comments back now. He said they're still taking a lot of heat over the comments they made back then and they don't deserve it.
Howard said that Beetlejuice stopped by too so they had to get to him but they also had Debella the porn star there. Howard said she's 50 years old and looks good. Howard said she does kind of look like Artie's mom. Artie didn't seem to think that was true though.
Debella told Howard she just got into the movies this year back in May. She's been in the business doing other things off camera for a while though. She also said that she's been married for 30 years. Debella told Howard that she wanted to do something different in her life and this is what she wanted to do. She and her husband have an open relationship where they can fuck other people. She actually gave him a trip to Thailand as an anniversary present. She said that she wanted to spruce up the sex life so that's how they did it. That's also why she got into porn.
Debella said that they don't have any restrictions on who or what they can do. She said that would screw things up. Howard said that it did screw up her relationship with her daughter though. She refused to come on the show to talk about this. Howard thought that she had said that she would never talk to her again if she went into the business. Debella said that her daughter encouraged her to get into the business but then she started bad mouthing her in chat rooms and stuff.
Howard asked Debella if she knows why her daughter won't talk to her. She said she's not going to let her run her life so she's not going to worry if she's happy with what she's doing or not. Howard asked her if it's worth losing that relationship with her daughter. She's not sure yet. She said she's done 29 films since May so she's already done everything possible and it won't change anything.
Debella said that she has limits on what she'll do in movies. She won't pee on anyone or let anyone pee on her. She said she will do double penetration though. Howard asked her if there are a lot of guys who like seeing this old lady porn. She said there are a lot out there and she gets paid about $800 to do boy/girl scenes.
Debella said she did an 8 girl orgy one time and she was the oldest one in the room. She also said that she usually gets paired up with young guys, like 18 or 19 years old. She doesn't feel funny when she's on camera and will show just about anything.
Howard asked her if she would ever do a scene with her daughter. She said she would never do anything on camera with her. She might do a scene in the same movie but not in the same room at the same time. She said her daughter was in porn and she was kind of devastated at the time but she eventually found out it's just like any other corporate business.
Howard asked Artie what he would do if his mother got into porn. He said he would find a very tall building and jump off of it.
Debella said that her parents weren't too thrilled with her getting into porn. She said her daughter filled them in on that. She said they were less upset that their granddaughter was in porn.
Gary said Debella does ATM (ass to mouth) scenes. She said that she cleans herself very well before doing something like that. She will douche her ass before doing a scene like that with a guy. She said that there is no taste at all after doing something like that.
Howard asked her if she's gone through menopause yet. She said she hasn't and she doesn't need help getting lubed for the scenes she does. Howard gave her a plug for her movie ''Mama Knows Best 2'' which is available at ClubRedLight.com. He also asked her if she wanted to ride the Sybian. She said it was her time of month so she didn't want to do it. Howard told her that they could have Beetlejuice run the machine. He had the guys bring him in a few seconds later.
Artie started in with Beet calling him a homo after finding out that he wasn't into chicks. Howard also asked beet about his missing teeth. Beetlejuice said that he does take care of his teeth but they apparently just fall out. Beet said he doesn't have gum disease or anything like that. He can still eat so it doesn't really matter.
Howard told Beet that Debella likes to eat ass but Beet said that won't be happening with him. Howard asked him about going to The Who concert the other night. Artie said he might have been at the same concert he was at. Beetlejuice didn't seem to know where the concert was held though.
Howard asked Debella if she wanted to ride the Sybian in her underpants. He told her that Beet could control the machine and it might be a wild ride. Debella said she would do it but she would just pull up her skirt. She doesn't show her stomach because of stretch marks from when she gave birth. Howard said they don't need to see that.
Artie was goofing on Beetlejuice calling him a fag and stuff but Beet wasn't getting all that upset with him this time. Howard took a couple of phone calls and one guy said Debella sounds kind of hot to him. The guy said that he wanted to hear her ride the Sybian so Howard asked her to go hop on it.
Will showed Beetlejuice how to run the Sybian since he had never seen the controls before. Debella took her top off so everyone could see her 50 year old boobs. Howard said they didn't look too bad to him. Mike Gange said they weren't bad for an old broad.
Gange had to tell Beetlejuice how to start the machine. He turned it up a little too fast for Debella so he turned it down. Howard had Beet talking to her a little bit but it wasn't really happening for her. Howard told him to turn it up to full speed. She seemed a bit surprised by the power of the machine. Will said he thinks that her thing is rusted shut.
Nothing was happening so Howard told Beet to turn it down and then off. He was having fun with the controls so it took a little while. Howard asked Debella what the problem was. She said that she's not into toys, she likes the real thing better.
Howard gave Debella another plug and also asked Beet about his new DVD ''As Bad As Can'' which is coming out soon. Howard said it's a behind the scenes thing about Beetlejuice. You can find that at JollyDwarf.com. Howard told him that maybe he should get his teeth fixed. Beet said he might get that done before Christmas. Howard wrapped up with both Beetlejuice and Debella. He gave them plugs and then went to break.
Howard said that he was watching a TV show the other night and saw some ads for SIRIUS so he wondered if people see them and remember that he's on there.
Howard asked Bob if he's in a porn now or something. Bob said he wrote a porno with another guy, Dan, and Savanna Samson plays his agent in the movie. It's about the comedy business. He was saying that they have Kimberly Kane in the movie and she's really in love with JD. He said that she was telling them that he's into some really sick shit.
Howard got distracted when he smelled some food. He thought it was Artie but it was actually Benjy's coffee. Howard complained about the way things are looking back in their corner these days. Bob said that the best thing Artie has eaten lately is the new pussy he had down in Atlantic City. He congratulated him on that score. Howard was still on the mess back in Benjy's corner though so he asked them to clean that up because it's kind of piggy.
Benjy said that all of the stuff back there was Artie's. Howard told him to throw some of that shit out and also told Artie to take the cigarette out of his mouth, they were broadcasting. It was like a father telling his kids to clean up their room.
Artie started to go through some of that stuff and said the Interns could take some of it. Howard told him he has to sort through it and figure out what he wants to get rid of. Howard asked Bob about working with Artie on the road and what that's like. Bob said it's always great and they're going to start doing that again.
Bob told Howard that he and Artie used to get really fucked up drinking. One time Bob said he went out and killed at a club and when he came to get Artie out on stage, he was sleeping under a table. Artie said the club was in the basement of a diner and he got really wasted drinking like crazy that night. Bob said he's not even sure how Artie got up but he did it and killed when he went on stage.
Artie said that they had these 10 foot long light bulbs under the tables at the club and he wasn't sure what it was. He said this kid had taken one of the bulbs and was poking at him while he was on stage. He almost got into a fight over it. Artie said one guy got on stage, put him in a head lock and forced him to do a shot with him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he saw Bob at a club recently... He didn't really have a story to tell though, he just asked who the midget was that looked like Shuli. No one knew what the hell he was talking about.
Howard asked Bob about what he thinks about Michael Richards. Bob said that he did it wrong and he should have had a meaning to what he was doing that night.
Howard said that he loves the people at Howard 100 News but there are hundreds of people who work there. He's come to the conclusion that he has 300 people on his list already and he's not going to expand it. Robin said she wasn't going to get anything for them because she can't afford it. Howard said it's just going to have to be expected that he's not going to buy gifts for everyone there. He said Mel Karmazin hardly ever bought him a gift and he understands that. He said he won't even be sending his agent a gift anymore because he always criticizes them.
Howard said he's not going to be giving his news team gifts. He's already spending a ton of money on gifts this year and he's not going to be sending gifts to Bubba's show, the news department, Scott Ferrall and all of the other people there. Robin said that she almost got into trouble for taking out so much money from her account in years past because she was taking so much out at one time.
Penny Crone from Howard 100 News came in so Howard told her that people in their own departments can exchange gifts but he won't be giving them anything. He told her that he already has too many people on his list. Penny said that she went to Maine about 6 months ago and bought everyone a gift. She said that she expects something, even if it's small, because its' the thought that counts. Howard said that nothing would be good enough if he gave them a small gift.
Penny seems to think that she's friends with Howard and expects something from him. Howard said he doesn't know what her definition of friends is but he doesn't think that they're friends. Penny said that the only person to get a gift from Howard is Steve Langford and it will be kept a secret. Robin said she got him a gift but Howard said he won't be getting him one.
Howard said he can't expand his Christmas gift list. Penny said she was going to buy for everyone there but if Howard wants to be the Grinch of Christmas, that's fine. Artie said that he got her some Light English Muffins... Penny said she doesn't think that this should be discussed on the air. Howard told her has to draw the line somewhere and it's getting insane. Penny asked Artie if he's getting her a gift. Howard answered for him and said that he won't.
Gary said that Penny gets upset about everything but he knows that she's a little volatile. He also said that Lisa G was expecting something, even if it was just a fruit basket for the news room or something. He was surprised about that because she doesn't freak out like Penny does.
Howard said he will be sending out cards to people... 1500 cards, but he won't be buying gifts for all of those people. Artie asked him if Laura was tired from signing all of those cards for him. Howard said he signs them all himself and starts planning all of this stuff in the summer. Artie said that they should do a grab bag instead of buying for everyone.
Penny said that she was fired from FOX last Christmas. She said she got to know everyone there and she's upset that people are being such jerks to her now. She started to cry while everyone was piling on top of her goofing on everything she was doing. She told the guys that she bought a bunch of small gifts for everyone on the show and can't believe that she's not going to get something.
Howard told Penny that there are far too many people on his list to buy something for everyone. Penny said that Gary called her crazy but she's really not. Gary said he called her Volatile, not crazy. Howard said that he doesn't hire everyone there, it's SIRIUS that hires them and if they want to give everyone a gift, that's fine. They pay the people there, not him. He said he's just another employee like everyone else.
Gary said that Tim Sabean is out in the green room ready to jump out a window since Howard is almost putting this on him. Howard said he was ready to do away with the news team over this. He said he can't buy a gift for everyone who works there. Lisa G told him to buy them a fruit basket or something. Howard told her ''NO!'' and said he's not going to do that.
Howard said he could hear Steve Langford reporting on the fruit basket already. He's not going to do that. He said he loves the News team... and Bubba, and Scott Ferrall... but he's not buying everyone a gift. Gary said that Bubba is on four hours a day so Penny said they have their own show so that's different. Levy said that Penny and Lisa have their own show too, it's called Howard 100 News.
Tim Sabean came in and told them all that they get gifts every other week and it's called a paycheck. Penny said she never asked for a gift but that's what she was just doing. Lisa said that Howard took away the whole holiday spirit so he kind of ruined the whole thing.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard he's a millionaire, he could buy more people gifts. Howard said it's not even about the money, it's about the time and effort that goes into it. Lisa said that Laura does that for him but Howard said that's not the case. He and Beth were out shopping this past weekend. Howard said he has millions of friends and he can't buy something for everyone.
Penny wished Howard a happy holiday and left. Robin said they wish her a happy holiday as well. Fred played some Christmas music and threw in some Ed Wood ''Fuck You!'' clips in the mix.
Howard said he respects women but he also enjoys porn and doesn't think there's anything wrong with it. Robin said that you don't let a kid at that age drink alcohol so maybe he shouldn't be looking at porn. Howard said that people in countries where they don't allow porn, they're fucked up, so maybe there's nothing wrong with it.
Bob Levy said the kid is probably just rubbing his helmet and probably not shooting anything out. Cabbie called in and said he knows he's probably not on Howard's Christmas list but he doesn't care.
Cabbie was calling in to promote this benefit show that's being held for him soon. He mentioned the show goes on sale today and you can find out more at DonHills.com or TicketWeb.com. He's not sure what kind of money he'll be getting but Artie said he should do okay since it'll probably sell out.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Cabbie is a criminal and he shouldn't be getting help like this. Cabbie said that he didn't ask for this, some people offered to do it for him. Howard said he has gotten some mail from some people who don't think Cabbie deserves this. Cabbie said he's not the one putting the show on so he doesn't know what the problem is. He said this band, The Lords, came to him and offered to do the show. He's not going to turn it down.
The caller said that Howard promoting the show is kind of shady and maybe he shouldn't be doing it. Cabbie said that he did his time in prison and it wasn't as easy as people think it was. He flipped out on the guy for a short time. Another caller told Cabbie to get a real job. Cabbie said he has a job, he's driving a cab down in Red Bank, New Jersey. He also has a show on Faction 28 on SIRIUS every weekend. He's also doing shows for Free FM on the weekends.
Howard took some positive calls for Cabbie. He did have some defenders out there but a lot of people didn't think he deserved any help. Most of them were saying that he should get a job but he does have a job. Cabbie got in another plug for the show before Howard let him go.
Howard read some feedback about Greg's show and most people liked it. There was one e-mail that Howard thought was from Bob Levy because that's who signed it. Bob said he couldn't write that much though.
Greg had a Michael Richards story to tell. He said he hates to kick a man when he's down but he has to tell this story. Greg thinks he'll come around in a few months after things have calmed down though.
Greg went on to tell this story about playing The Improv years ago and one night he sat down to have dinner with Richards. He said he's kind of an off beat type of guy and kind of nutty. He got on stage after that and started yelling out anti-semitic comments to a couple in the front row. He knew that Richards was doing it as an act at the time but he wasn't connecting with the audience at first. Greg said that no one was laughing so Richards then goofed on him by making fun of one of his jokes about powdering his balls. Greg said he wanted to beat the shit out of him that night but went up on stage and bashed him instead.
Howard told Greg about the Sam Simon story they hear earlier and asked him if he thinks the guy is crazy. Greg said he thinks that maybe he's angry because he doesn't have a hit show anymore. He doesn't believe that he's a hateful guy like people seem to think he is. He was just trying to joke around that night and it didn't work. Howard said that's what he thinks happened to.
Greg said that Louis CK's father was in the audience the night that he went into the Jewish stuff and he's a Jew. He was apparently kind of upset about that. Howard asked Greg if he's promoting anything. Greg said that he's going to be at the Punchline in San Francisco in January. You can find out more about that at GregFitzsimmons.com.
Howard let Greg go and then got in another plug for a benefit show that some guys he knows are putting together. He said you can find out more about that at HeroInitiative.org. He also gave Bob some plugs for his shows and you can find out more about those at RevBobLevy.com.
Howard said that maybe they should have them perform The Gay Way, a Stern Show song parody. Howard said that he'd like to see them do Purple Haze though. Richard said that he's seen a metal band where the lead singer would snort while singing like this guy from Six Feet Under.
Howard wondered what the appeal is for singers like that. Richard said it just sounds evil and there are people who buy that stuff.
bob said that he saw Richard freak out recently. He said some guys were pissing him off back stage at a comedy show and they were really annoying him. He eventually had a beer spilled on him so in that Southern drawl of his, he just said ''Okay fellas, it's time to get outta here.''
Riley said that it would be nice if they took a minute to mention his show since it's one of the most interesting shows on his channels. Robin said that they mention him every day. Howard added that they gave him a radio show, what more does he want. Riley said that when he leaves radio, that's when Howard will see how many people send back their radios.
Riley would like Howard to mention the show once in a while. Artie said they play clips from his show all the time. Riley said ''Bullshit!'' and complained about them not promoting it more. Fred played one of the latest song parodies that Dan the Song Parody man created using Riley's voice. It's one of the many things they play on the show reminding people that Riley has a show there.
Riley got in a plug for his show which airs at midnight on Tuesdays. Robin told Riley that no one would know his catch phrase ''Oh Qua Tanzin Wan'' if they didn't promote his show by playing clips from it. Fred played another one of their song parodies with Riley clips in it.
Howard had some audio clips of Riley leaving some voice mail messages for Will. He started to play one but Riley interrupted and said that they were slowing it down. Howard said they weren't slowing anything down. Artie said that it's probably the alcohol that slows it down.
Howard interrupted and said that Artie was struggling to open a bag of M&Ms behind him, making all kinds of noise. He got back to the clip a short time later and Riley said that he may have had a few drinks that day.
Captain Janks called in and told Howard that his friend sent away to Riley's web site for a jewel that was supposed to be from another planet but it turned out to be a Shrinky Dink, one of those things that you make in the oven.
Riley said that Janks was lying so Janks pointed out that Riley is the one telling people he's in touch with aliens. Riley went off on Janks saying that he's a liar and he thought he was better than that. Janks said that Riley is nothing more than a fuckin liar and he ripped off his friend. Riley said that he doesn't sell stones on his web site so he's not sure what this guy is talking about. He said he doesn't appreciate people lying about him like that.
The guys had some fun goofing on Riley for a short time. That got Riley pissed off but he seemed to be taking it okay. He told Howard to give him some plugs once in a while. Howard thanked him for calling in and gave hi an ''Oh Qua Tanzin Wan'' as he was saying goodbye.
Howard said he has been offered some movies lately and one of them was this Robin Williams movie ''Man of the Year'' where he plays a president. He said it would have been good with him because he was going to do it with Barry Levinson. He didn't have time to do it when they were moving there to SIRIUS but now he might have time to do something like that. He said he's thought about producing a remake of Mork and Mindy with Riley and Penny Crone playing the parts. He said he'd love to see that. Jon Hein said he'd like to see that as well.
Howard heard that Bob is babysitting Beetlejuice today. Bob said he went to The Who concert with him last night so he's hanging out all day with him. He said that Beet comes out on the road to do gigs with them now. They're doing a gig soon so he had Beet come in a day early. Bob said he gets along great with Beetlejuice but he does wander off once in a while. They lost him up in Hartford one time up in Hartford. He was lost for like 30 minutes but they eventually found him.
Bob said that they have some tape of Beet going to the Who show last night. Sal came in and told a story about Bob doing the show up in Hartford. Bob wanted to keep an eye on Beet but they lost him that one time. Sal said that he ran in to tell Bob that Beet was missing and since Bob was drunk, he said ''I don't care if that little nig*er dies...'' Bob said he really doesn't remember using the n-word but he really loves that little guy.
Howard got back to Steve Langford. Steve said that they will be talking to the owner of the Laugh Factory about the ban on the N-word there. Steve also said that they'll be talking to this woman who went out on the date with him because she failed to tell them that she had a boyfriend.
Artie said that after the date she told him to call her if he was ever single so he's not sure what she was doing. He thinks that maybe she just wanted to get on the radio show and wasn't interested in dating him. Steve said that they've tried calling her but she hasn't returned their calls.
Steve said that the Howard TV special ''A Day In The Life of Penny Crone'' will be on Howard TV soon. Bob said he'll be watching that one tonight.
Jon Hein gave his show preview mentioning the stories they'll be going over today. He mentioned some of the segments from today's show that they'll be talking about. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
Robin started some news stories but Howard got sidetracked and talked about how hot Gwen Stefani looked on the American Music Awards the other night. He was also saying that he loves to see Nelly Furtado dancing around the way she does.
Howard said that they have a picture of Artie up on his web site that's pretty funny. He said a fan animated Artie as a grasshopper trying to remove his socks by rubbing his feet together.
Howard heard that High Pitch Eric went with Bob to The Who show. Bob said he wasn't that close to him so it wasn't so bad. This guy who invited them to the show wanted Eric to go. Artie said that Eric is a smelly, con-man dupe and Bob hangs with him. Bob didn't invite him though.
High Pitch was on the phone and said that he didn't even know who the band was. Bob said that if they owned a restaurant, then he would have known who it was. Bob said that Eric brought tons of leftovers from the show with him when they left. One of the beers got spilled on Eric and he wasn't even able to open the door himself because he's so fat. Howard had to hang up on Eric because he was so annoying.
During the news Bob Levy talked about doing coke during comedy shows. He said that some fans will offer it to him and he feels bad about not taking it so he just does it. He said he has done coke during a show too. Shuli came in a short time later and said that Bob has told him not to bring that up on the air. He said Bob will say that but then he'll do a show and yell out to the crowd that he needs some coke.
Artie told a story about crashing his father's car before he had a driver's license. He said he was driving around with his sister in the car and totaled the car. He said he went to slap her while he was driving and ended up smashing it into a telephone pole. He had to walk home to tell his father about it. His father ran up to his sister and she started crying. She told him what happened and his father ran over to the car and came back, walked up the stairs and kicked him in the leg with his work boots on. He was writing in pain and his father walked back downstairs.
Artie said the car was totaled, his father just kicked him and then the next words out of his mother's mouth were ''I can't believe you walked upstairs with your work boots on.'' Artie said that he had a driver's permit at the time but his father didn't make him deal with what he had done, he covered it up. Howard said he would make his kids own up to it, but he would never hit his kids. Artie said his father only hit him twice in his life so it wasn't a regular thing.
Howard told Artie that one of the reasons he might be fucked up is because his father covered up that whole thing.
Robin finished up her news then Howard gave Bob a couple of plugs and ended the show around 11:20am.
Howard started off the show talking about his opening song ''Great American Nightmare'' which he didn't even know the name of. Fred had to remind him. Howard said he's been playing on the air all week the songs from the band Six Feet Under because they're kind of taken with the singer's voice. They apparently sell a lot of records but Robin said she can't imagine how that's possible.
Howard played some of their cover of Purple Haze from their album ''Graveyard Classics.'' He said that someone sent them a letter about a band called Caninus who use a pit bull as their singer. He had some of their album so he played that and you hear a dog growling to their music. He played a couple of their songs and Robin said that they had to have made that up. Howard said it was legitimate and not a goof though.
Richard came in and said that it's actually a side project of a metal band and it must be one of the guy's pets. He said there's another band that has a parrot as a lead singer. Howard asked about the band where the singer snorted like a pig. Richard said that was a guy snorting, not an actual pig. Howard had one of their songs so he played that as well saying that it's really fascinating to him. He doesn't understand it.
Howard asked Richard if it's the kind of music that parents just don't understand and freak out over. Richard said it's a very acquired taste. Howard asked him if he would listen to it in his apartment. Richard said he would probably work out to that kind of music. Howard played short clips of the pig sounding guy singing and the Caninus band.
Artie said that Richard likes to listen to that stuff while he's not showering. Richard told Howard to play a clip from the band with a parrot as a lead singer. Howard checked that one out but it sounded kind of like a pig. Richard said the lead singer sings along with the parrot. At one point they let the parrot go on it's own and it sounds like they're doing something evil to it according to Robin.
Howard played more of Six Feet Under's Purple Haze and some of the other bands stuff after that. He was getting some laughs out of the Caninus stuff. Artie said ''You've heard of Dido... This is Fido.'' Howard said that stuff was pretty funny.
Six Feet Under is willing to do the show but Howard said they've been getting a lot of mail from fans telling them not to have them on. They can't take more than a few seconds of their songs.
Scott DePace came in and said that things change his views on people when he reads about them. He doesn't like Elton John's music and he can't watch a movie with Alec Baldwin in it because of his liberal views.
Howard heard that Scott refused to take his kid to see the movie ''Happy Feet'' because they have too many political things in it. He said his neighbor told him about how they talk about plastic killing penguins in the movie so he doesn't want his kids seeing that. He said he doesn't want to be preached to in the movie, he doesn't want his kids to be exposed to that.
DePace said that plastic saves lives of people and he doesn't care if it's killing birds. Howard said that it's more of a littering thing, not an anti-plastic thing. Robin told Scott he's a wacko and he doesn't know if the movie is that bad if he hasn't seen it. Howard said that Scott has some wacky ideas on an oil pipeline up in Alaska. He once said that it wouldn't hurt the animals up there, it would keep them warm. Scott said he was joking around about that.
Scott told Robin that she might have to get rid of her boat if she's accidentally killing fish with it when he takes it out. Howard said that she's not killing any fish with her boat. They went back and forth on all of that stuff. Howard told Scott that people just shouldn't litter because the stuff ends up in the oceans and it kills birds and fish. Scott said he's all for not littering but he doesn't want to see a movie where they preach like that. Howard let Scott go after that and wished him luck with the boycott of ''Happy Feet.''
The report said she started drinking after that and that's when she got addicted. Carnie said that she would get so drunk that she would fall down in public. She said she would expose body parts when she did that as well. Howard said she probably came out with this when people were no longer interested in her gastric bypass surgery. Carnie claims she's been sober for 3 years now according to the report.
Howard said Artie looked like he had a rough night last night. Artie was up late but said he should be able to make it through the show without falling asleep. Artie was eating some peanut M&M's so Howard talked about how he was trying to open this huge bag that Gary had gotten yesterday and had a tough time opening it.
Howard had Artie read off the nutrition stats off the back of the bag and found out that one serving of the candy was 220 calories. Howard and Gary didn't think that was so bad for what he was eating.
Artie said he's glad that Shiripa told Howard he likes him because he thought he hated him after that roast. Howard said that the food at the Dogcatemy Awards was really good. Artie said that the food at the roast he did was really good.
Howard said the Dogcatemy Awards was held at a club downtown but he's not sure where it was. Artie figured it was Capi Tal which is where they had the roast. They spent a short time talking about that place. Howard mentioned some of the people who were at this Dogcatemy Awards thing. He had to get out of there by 8:30 and didn't get to see the movies that people submitted.
Howard said he was having a good time last night but he had to run home and hop in bed. He said he had to watch this week's ''Heroes'' because he's into the show again. He said there were a couple of episodes where it wasn't going right but he's into it again.
Howard said he had a second dinner last night. He ate at about 4 and then ate again at the awards show. He said he had some ravioli and some rolls for his second dinner. Howard said he took out a full page ad in the program for the awards show and thanked Beth for taking care of all of the animals. He signed it President Bush and showed it to Beth's' mother who thought that he had actually gotten the President to sign it. It was just a joke though.
Artie said that because of all of that stuff his mother gave him the St. Christopher stuff. He said he was out driving around one day not too long ago and he looked at the newspaper while sitting at the light. He didn't realize it but he was rolling into the intersection. Then he looked up and a car was heading at him at like 60 miles per hour. He said the car somehow missed him so he punched it to get across the intersection and barely made it through the intersection. He had to pull over and compose himself. He wondered what had saved him so he looked through his car to find something holy in there. He said he found Gary's father's mass card and he now figures that it saved his life. He said he will never get rid of that card because of what happened.
Artie said he was afraid that he had caused an accident but when he looked back he saw that everyone was okay. There were some kids behind him that were pissed at first until they saw who he was. Then they started waving hello to him.
Artie said his mother has told him to never get rid of that card. He told another story about going on a flight with Norm MacDonald who is an atheist. He said that he told Norm that he usually calls his mother before he flies but this time he didn't. Norm actually told him to give her a call before they took off if that's what he does every time.
Howard read some mail where someone asked Artie not to tell anymore Norm stories. They don't like them. There was another person who asked Robin not to talk about such negative things in her news. Howard talked to Robin about her father molesting her when she was around 11 years old. She said that when he did that stuff he was trying to be very loving but it was just wrong. She said that he was a very good looking man and that was one of his problems.
Howard read the mail about Robin's negative stories and that led to Howard saying that Robin has some rule about putting at least one child abuse story in her news reports every day. Robin said she never said that but Howard and Fred both said that they heard her talking about that at some time not too long ago. She said she never said that and she doesn't put one in her news every day.
Artie suggested that they take four of these negative e-mailers and give them their own show on SIRIUS to see what they can do... and so they can pick them apart.
Howard said he had to get through this stuff quickly. He got Alice on the phone and Artie started in with her immediately. She shot right back and goofed on him as well. That led to Alice talking about how she's into women and how she's not into dick like Artie is. Artie wondered how she could have ever turned on another human being.
Alice wanted to move on so Howard asked her what her pick was for this weekend. She said she was going with the Cowboys. Artie goofed on her over that pick. Howard told Alice about the picture of Artie they had up on his web site but she really didn't want to know anything about him. She went off on Artie for a couple of minutes telling him to get out of Howard's studio.
Howard let Alice go and got Big Foot Mark on the phone. Big Foot didn't know that he was in third place but didn't care too much. He wanted to play a song that he had recorded for the show. He fumbled around for a few seconds and then played his awful song. Howard wanted him to stop playing it but Big Foot couldn't hear him. Howard had to put him on hold.
Howard got Elegant Elliot Offen on the phone to give his pick. Elliot told Howard not to call him Elliot, he's to call him Elegant from now on. Elliot interrupted him and yelled at him about what to call him. He said he wanted to get in a double promotion this week since he didn't get one in last week when they were off. Howard told Elliot that he doesn't give a shit about him and he needs to just do his bit and get it over with. Elliot threatened to run Howard over so Howard told him to go ahead and try it.
Howard said that he's so happy that he gave Elliot a chance to win $25,000. Elliot calmed down a little bit and said he told Will that he would like to make an offer to Alice where he would give her half of the winnings if she would agree to do the same to him. He also wanted to give Big Foot $500 if they win. Elliot said he would like to make that offer between them but Howard told him he's got that right and he has to talk to her about that.
Howard said he didn't have time to mess with that whole thing on the air so he told him to take it up with her off the air. Howard didn't know how he could get in touch with her so Gary said he would take care of it. He told Elliot to get to his plug so they could get through this. Elliot continued to ask how Gary was going to help him. Howard eventually had to hang up on Elliot because he just doesn't listen to them.
Gary said that Elliot is driving Will nuts because he's so hard to deal with. Gary said that getting in touch with Big Foot is getting harder because he and his manager have had a falling out again. He doesn't need the show anymore because he has a job as a dishwasher now and it's all a big hassle.
Howard said he doesn't give a fuck about Elliot's plug but it always turns into a huge thing on the air so he has to hang up on the guy. Robin said everything has to go Elliot's way in those conversations. Howard said that the death threats have to be watched because it's just not right. They've given the guy a chance to win twenty five thousand dollars and he's threatening to kill them.
Howard got back to Big Foot and asked him what his pick was after telling him his song was great. Big Foot is taking the Patriots this weekend. Big Foot asked if he could get up to the top again. Howard said that he's 4-6-2 but it all depends on who wins and loses this weekend. Big Foot didn't know what the confusion was until it was explained to him.
Big Foot handed the phone to some woman who said that he's staying at Richard's All Season Lodge in Vermont. Howard wasn't sure where that came from but she just wanted to let them know where he was staying.
Artie gave his pick which was the Broncos. Howard said he just wanted to give someone a few bucks in this pool but it's turned into a big pain in the ass. He asked Artie if he was okay because he sounded a little different this morning. Artie said that he's fine. Howard said he had trouble figuring out what was wrong with Artie the last time he sounded different.
Howard said that Elliot drains him when he calls. He said he just wanted to get his pick this week. Gary had him back on the phone but Howard didn't want to put him on if he couldn't just give his pick. Elliot was calmed down and got right into his plug when Howard got him on the phone. Elliot said that he's got his prank calls up for sale and also has his DVD at Gangstertalk.biz. He then said he was going to give his pick after asking Artie a bunch of questions about his favorite teams. He claims he doesn't know much about football but he's doing the best he can. He finally got to his pick which was going to be the Dolphins. Howard let him go after that. He was so much calmer it was like a different person on the phone. Howard said that the prize in the contest is courtesy of BetUS.net.
Howard mentioned that they have UFC fighter Tito Ortiz coming in after the break. He said he really respects those UFC fighters because they're really beating the crap out of each other. They spent a short time talking about what kind of money they must be getting for winning the title. They talked about how there aren't many rules in that sport so the guys can really beat the shit out of each other.
Howard said that Tito has been dating Jenna Jameson lately too so they have to talk about that. Gary asked Howard if he could ever date a porn star knowing that she's been with so many guys. He said that he would have to have her tested before he would be with her. He's not sure he could do it even if he found out she was clean because she's been with so many guys with big dicks.
Howard said that Jenna has told him that she's into him. He wonders if she's really crazy in bed but he figures they can find that out from Tito when he comes in. He went to break after that.
Howard said that he saw Christy Brinkley's ex had a man purse just like his so that's when he figured it was time to change. Robin said that men are wearing a lot of make-up these days as well. She spent a minute talking about that.
Howard said that he read a story about ''Happy Feet'' and how Neil Cavuto was the one talking about how it was a political movie so that's probably where Scott DePace got the idea from, not from his neighbor.
Howard had this woman on the phone by the name of Armani. She will make custom made porn movies for people. He asked her what that would cost someone. She said that it all depends but it usually starts at about $300. She said that she has a guy who does the pricing for the movies. She just does the fuckin in the movie.
Howard asked Armani what she will do for the guy who requests the movie. She said that the guy can tell them what to wear and even tell them what to say. She said that they can do simple stuff doing fetish stuff or anything else. Howard said this girl was talking a little fast and it was hard to understand what she says.
Armani said that she's 28 years old and people tell her that she does talk too fast. Howard asked her what she looks like since he didn't have any pictures. She said she has a web site but the pictures haven't been updated lately. She said that was at ArmaniKnight.com
Howard asked Armani what kind of videos she's made and she told them one about a guy who liked to see her ironing or something. Robin and Howard had trouble understanding what she was saying but eventually figured it out.
Howard read that her biggest movie was ''College Fuckfest'' where she went to a college and banged college guys. Howard was thinking of creating some custom porn for Howard TV. They could have her sucking off Big Foot Mark and Beetlejuice or something. Artie said he would do one of these movies but he would want the tape so he could destroy it.
Armani rambled off a sentence that Howard didn't understand so Robin had to interpret for him. Howard asked her if she would bang Beetlejuice. She said she would do him no problem. Howard asked her if she would do insect porn and put bugs inside of her. She said she wouldn't do that. She's willing to do just about anything else though.
Howard gave her a plug for the site where you can get the custom porn from. That site is VioletsFlowerbox.com. He let Armani go after that and then read some of the ideas that Benjy and Fred came up with for the custom porn. Benjy wrote one about a guy and a girl playing chess online... Howard said he's a funny guy. There were some other strange ideas that Benjy came up with for the movies.
Eric said that Artie looked really bad the day he did Carnegie Hall and he thinks that he relapsed. Howard said that Artie claims he hasn't relapsed so maybe they should leave him alone.
Lisa G came in with her Howard 100 News preview. She was at the Dogcatemy Awards last night so she was talking about what a cute couple Howard and Beth made. She congratulated Beth for her film about Bianca because it won for the best movie at the awards show. She said that Beth wants to re-do those awful news blazers that they were out. Howard said he loves them because they're so bad. He picked out the mustard color because they do look so bad.
Lisa ran down some other stories and said they'll be talking to an etiquette expert about giving gifts. They will also be talking about how SIRIUS is giving away some fist keychains with purchases made before the end of the year. She wrapped up and ran out after that.
Tito said that when a guy gets knocked out, that's it, they're not allowed to get up and fight again. He said the quickest fight he ever had was just 29 seconds. He knocked the guy out that quick. Howard asked Tito about what kind of fighting works best in the UFC fights because Gracie Ju Jitsu used to be the big thing. Tito said he's done boxing and kick boxing to that's what works for him. He said that he trains really hard for this stuff and works out 6-8 hours 6 days a week.
Howard asked Tito about Jenna Jameson and if she's the best lay he's ever had in his life. Tito said he was on myspace (Myspace.com/TitoOrtiz) and she requested him as a friend. They eventually met and hooked up after that. He said she didn't bang him right away either, she made him wait for a while.
Howard asked Tito if it was intimidating for him to do Jenna. He said he's pretty confident and he wasn't afraid of it. He wasn't all that scared about banging her because he's been with a lot of beautiful women. He said he's in love with Jenna but he's not planning on getting married again. He said he was already married for a few years and doesn't want to go back there at this point. He said he's had a lot of married women come up to him asking him to bang them but he doesn't go there. He said that even their husbands ask him to bang them but he's not into that.
Tito said that Jenna isn't doing any women now that she's with him. She's not shooting porn either. He said that she hasn't been with another guy in a long time. He said he used to work at an adult book store years ago and he would catch guys messing with themselves in the aisles of the store. He said he would have to kick them out for doing stuff like that.
Howard asked Tito about banging Jenna and if he goes in bareback. He said he would wear a condom in the beginning but now he goes in without one. Howard asked him a few questions about Jenna and said he heard that she gives a great blow job. She also claims that she could turn a woman gay because she's so good with a woman. Tito confirmed that she's good at the blow job thing.
Tito said that his family doesn't know that Jenna is a porn star. He said he hasn't spoken to his father in a few years so he doesn't know about this. He said that his family was pretty fucked up. His father ended up getting addicted to heroin. He said he's amazed that he's still there after everything he's been through. He's seen everything and it was a pretty shitty life up until about 15 years ago.
Tito said that the worst thing was seeing his parents doing heroin when he was a young kid. He said he's not afraid to tell his parents about Jenna. He actually introduced her to his mother a few weeks ago. Tito said that he had hate toward his mother until he was about 25 when she wrote him a 4 page letter explaining why everything happened the way it did.
Tito said that he remembers watching professional wrestling when he was a kid. He always wanted to do that kind of thing back then. He wrestled in high school and did very well because he was a natural. He said that guys are very intimidated when they see him out with Jenna. He said that she used to tell him that guys would say some crazy stuff to her but he knew that they wouldn't do that while he's around her.
Tito said that he was asked to do some stuff for the Marines one time and they asked him if he was going to bring a guest. When he said that he was going to bring Jenna, they told him they had a problem with that. Tito said that they can't have a problem with that when they're sending 18 year old kids over to Iraq to get shot.
Tito told Howard that he was in a gang when he was between 12 and 14. He said to get in the gang he had to take a beating from the whole gang while walking down a line. He said that his parents kind of got sick of that life. He said that one of his friends got shot and he could have been killed but he hopped behind a wall while the bullets were flying.
The gang didn't want to let him out of the gang but he said his mother wanted him out so he could have a better life. He said he had to take a beating before they'd let him out. He said he took the beating but also fought back a little bit. Tito said he has never killed anyone but he did give a few beatings while he was in the gang.
Robin asked what kind of robberies he pulled when he was in the gang. He said they would stake out a house and watch when they would leave for work and when they'd come hope. They'd steal cars from the houses they staked out. That was at the age of about 13. He said it was a fucked up life but he wouldn't take it back.
Howard gave Tito a plug for his upcoming fight on December 30th which will be held at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. He also gave him a plug for the athletics gear that he sells. You can find out more about that at PunishmentAthletics.com. Tito said he started that company himself back in 1999 and it's now worth millions.
Howard asked Tito if Jenna goes out not wearing panties. He said she always wears them unless he asks her not to. Howard said he would like to mess with her under the table if he took her out to dinner.
Robin read that Tito cries before he goes into the ring. Tito said that it's an emotional thing and every man cries. He said he's always wondered why he does it and figures that it's the fear leaving his body. He said that people say that the fear of losing is pretty tough. Artie said that it must mean that it's the fag part of him leaving his body. Robin got a laugh from that comment.
Howard told Tito that there's nothing wrong with a man crying. He said that he had to hug Artie when he cried in there after talking about that drug problem he had last year. Artie said that every guy has to get rid of that fag part once in a while.
Howard asked Tito if he's ever tied Jenna up and done stuff like that. He said that he has play-raped her a couple of times and he does like to do stuff like that. Howard asked him how many times he's banging her per week. He said it's more like how many times per day. Howard brought up the story about Jenna eating out Jenny McCarthy in a bathroom one time and Tito said he had never heard that one before. He said he has heard some stories from her but not that one.
Tito said that he sometimes forgets to eat because he works out so much. He said he can't eat big meals because he works out so hard that he'll puke. Artie said he can't relate to that. He said he could forget to work out but not forget to eat.
Tito showed the guys what he looks like with his shirt off since Robin wanted to see that. Tito was telling the guys that Jenna is like his best friend so Artie told him that's another gay thing, being a girl's ''friend.'' Artie asked him how many chicks he's been with. He said it's about 30 women total. Artie said that's a little low for him, he should be up around 50.
Howard asked Tito about a fight he had one time when he lost. He said that he had gotten hit in the eye back then and was distracted by the hit to the eye. Howard took some calls after that. Angry Black called in and said that he was listening to this crap about him crying and stuff. He said that this guy is such a fraud. He wishes that he was on vacation this week so he could confront him in person. Howard pointed out that Angry Black couldn't even beat up Crazy Cabbie. Robin told Tito that this guy's real name is Shelly so Tito said that he sounds like a Shelly.
Tito said that he tells people that he does nothing but work out all day long while they're working at a job. He does that for a living so if they want to take him on, he lets them know what they're in for. He said it always diffuses the situation when he does that.
Howard asked Tito about Chuck Zito getting into the UFC. He said that Chuck is too old and he could take Chuck out in a second. He said he could also take out Lennox Lewis in 5 seconds. Howard took a call from a guy who said that this guy is a pussy and he's not as scary as he's making himself out to be. Another caller said that he's never heard this guy talk about how he got his ass spanked by a guy in the ring. The guy said that he was getting his ass handed to him through that whole fight. He thinks that he's all hype so Howard said that they'll find out on December 30th.
Howard took one more call from a guy who said that he thinks Tito will win the big fight against Chuck Liddell. Howard asked him if he's ever known of a guy who shit himself in the ring. Tito said that has never happened to him.
Scott Ferrall called in and said that they're going to be out in Vegas live from the fight next month. He said that this is the fight that everyone is waiting for and it's going to be a sick weekend. He said that the fight should be really good but Tito is going to have a hard time with Chuck. Scott said that he's got Billy Lane on his show tonight to talk about how he crashed his car and killed a couple of guys. He said he'll see Tito tonight as well. Scott said he was taking Chuck to win that fight.
Artie said that something has to replace boxing for him because he got out of it after a while. Tito said he used to be a boxing fan too but the new guys are just sparring and not really trying to take the other guys down. He said he thinks that he and Chuck will go four rounds. They're 5 minute rounds and he thinks he'll take Chuck down in that time. Howard wished him luck with that and also wished him luck with Jenna. He told him to give her a big kiss on her vagina for him. Howard gave him a few plugs for the fight and then wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Robin asked if he would attend her memorial service. Howard said he would do that as long as he doesn't have to sit in the back. Robin asked him what he would say at her service. He said he's an awful public speaker so he's not sure he could do a good job with that. He said he has made speeches before but he never really does a good job.
Artie said that he would prepare to speak of Robin would like him to. Fred started playing some music that Howard said was like the stuff they were playing at the Ed Bradley memorial service.
Howard said that Katt must have freaked out when he heard that they were calling for the end of the use of the N-word. Katt said that comics are supposed to be able to talk about anything, that's the great part of being a comedian. Katt said that the comedians who are speaking out against Michael Richards are out of their minds. He thinks that Richards' set was probably the greatest he's ever had. He's never had all of the country talking about him before.
Katt said that no one really follows Jesse Jackson anymore. He said he understands his importance in their community but not over this whole Michael Richards thing. He said you just don't call that dude when a white dude says ''nig*er.'' Katt said that he's not happy the guy said what he did but he's not that upset about it. He said that he defends his right to say the word in his act.
Howard played another clip from one of Katt's acts where he creates the word ''nig*erdom.'' Artie has done an impression of that act a few times on the show. In that bit he talks about women and their deficiencies. He said he can't look at a woman's stretch marks.
Howard asked Katt what he thinks about Paul Mooney dropping the N-word from his act. Katt said that's pretty funny because he's been using that word for so long. Howard said he thinks it will last about a month and then Paul will be back to using the word.
Howard asked Katt about what happened to him when he was trying to get there the last time. He was arrested for carrying a gun to the airport. Katt said it's a federal case so he really can't say all that much about it. He said that he had gone to the airport and had his weapons checked at the airport. He said the gun that he had was an inoperable gun that his driver had thrown into the wrong bag. He said he doesn't leave guns laying around in the house because he has kids. He said he didn't get bail when he got thrown into jail because he had another issue one other time. He didn't want to get into the details about all of that stuff though. He asked Howard if they had to take a commercial break or something.
Katt said that he was shocked when they found this gun in his bag. He was on his way to visit Howard but ended up getting arrested instead. Katt said that he went to jail like 4 months ago and no one cared. Gary told the guys about why he was arrested last time. It was for carrying a stun gun. Katt talked a little bit about that. He said that he's had guys storm his room with guns and masks on. He has to carry stuff like that with him to protect himself.
Katt said that he's part of the rap world as well as the comedy world and there's some crazy stuff that goes on. He said he has to walk around wearing a bullet proof vest. Howard said that maybe he has to stop dealing in cash at his gigs. Katt said that he has stopped doing that but he still has guys who think they can get something, anything off of him. They're happy with just getting a ring off of him.
Howard said you'd think that airport security would give him a break knowing what he has to deal with. He asked him how long he could go to jail over the gun incident. Katt said they're telling him 3-5 years. Howard told him that's really depressing. He said doing time is scary and they know that after hearing what Cabbie had to do when he was in prison for a year. Katt said that if people at home want to know what jail is like, just go to your closet, close the door and stay there for five hours.
Howard wanted to give Katt a plug for his CD but he didn't have his plug in front of him. He spent some time talking to him about the seven kids he's adopted. Katt said he's not married but he does have seven kids. Howard said that seems like a really good thing to do. Katt said it was good for him to do, he knows it wouldn't work for everyone. He said they range from 18 months to 11 years old. He has a cousin who helps watch the kids and another woman who helps him out as well.
Howard got his plug and mentioned some of the stuff he has out now. His DVD is ''Katt Williams - The Pimp Chronicles Part 1'' and you can find out more at KattWilliams.com. Howard said that it seems like things are going pretty well for him, other than the arrest.
Katt said that things are going well. He said he never imagined that he could sell a million ring tones, but that has happened. Howard said he's been asked to do some ring tones but he's not sure he wants to try and sell even more stuff to his audience. Artie said it's different than selling radio and people might want to hear him saying Hey Now or something like that on their phones.
Katt told the guys that he has one kid that's his biological kid so Howard wondered if he's the favorite. Katt said that no one is his favorite. They're all great kids. Robin asked him if he's going to adopt more kids. He said he's done at this point. Howard asked him if he remembers all of his kids names. Katt laughed and said he does remember them and said that he should remind them of that.
Howard played another Katt Williams bit where he talks about Michael Jackson forgetting that he's black. The guys got some good laughs out of that. Then Ralph called in. Ralph asked Katt why he makes himself a target, maybe he should tone things down. Katt said that's not what he's in it for. He also said that his fan base is not where some comedians are. He said that he has to play certain places and the people that rob him are showing up at his shows.
Howard said he seems to think Katt is right. Katt said that the people robbing him aren't his fans though. He said that there are people who know that he's a performer and they're the ones who are robbing him and his friends. Katt said that there have been a lot of guys in the entertainment industry who get robbed. There are sports stars who are jacked out of their Lamborghinis as well but you just don't hear about it.
A caller told Howard that Katt can't give up on his fan base and stop going into the 'hood to perform. That's where he gets robbed but that's where he has to work.
Cabbie called in and asked if he thinks there's some kind of thing going on out there with black people because Wesley Snipes is in trouble over taxes but he's apparently getting a deal to return and pay off those taxes. Cabbie said he was made an example of while Snipes is going to get away with not paying his taxes. Cabbie wondered if Katt has ever been arrested for a felony. Katt didn't know who this guy was so he didn't want to answer that. Cabbie didn't seem to know that Katt is still in trouble over the gun thing, he could get up to 5 years for that.
Howard said that Wesley Snipes never got a deal. Cabbie thinks he knows something but as he was telling Howard what he knew, Howard hung up on him. Another caller told Howard that Katt is a pimp so Howard asked him if he was ever a pimp. Katt said that he's not putting women out on the street. Howard asked him if he's ever sold any women to men. Katt said he's sold a few people, not just women, for various things.
Katt said that it's not what they think it is. He said some of their lingo was throwing him off a little bit. He didn't seem to want to talk about that stuff. Howard took another call from a guy who said he thinks Katt is the best comedian he's ever seen. Katt thanked him for that. Howard wrapped up with him and gave him some plugs before wrapping up and going to break.
Bobo called in and told Howard that Danny Devito was on The View yesterday and he seemed to be a little drunk and was going off on President Bush and other stuff. Howard said he had the clip but he didn't think Danny did anything all that bad.
Robin said she was trying to figure out if it was bad or if they're making a big deal out of nothing. Howard said he saw it and it wasn't so bad. He played the audio from the show where Danny talked about how he had been out partying with George Clooney the night before. He said he wasn't sure if he had any sleep that night or not. Danny also talked about going to the White House when Clinton was still in office. He said he hadn't been back since President Numb Nuts had gotten in. They hit the delay on him so the word nuts was blocked out.
Danny also said he slept in the Lincoln bedroom there. He said that he and Rhea (Pearlman) made it their business to wreck the place. He was implying that he and Rhea had sex everywhere in that room. Howard said he was a great guest and there's no reason anyone should be mad at the guy. They were busy bleeping him though.
Howard said he wishes that Danny would come on his show drunk like that and talk about banging his wife in the White house.
Howard asked Mike what he thought. Mike said it wasn't bad... Howard had him get to his game a short time later so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard said that they're going to be doing a lot more original programming for Howard TV. Doug Goodstein came in and said that Penny is compelling because she's so insane. He said they may have to turn her special into a series.
The caller said that his wife isn't into Howard but even she thought that show was interesting. Doug said that the Penny show was produced by one of the Howard Stern Film Festival finalists. He said that Artie is going to be doing a show called ''Eating with Artie'' where they take him out to eat at his favorite places. They'll follow him around for a day to all of those places. Artie said that he hopes it's not boring. Doug said it will not be boring.
The caller asked Howard if he could play the Big Foot Game that he mentioned they had to play. Gary said they have a new version of the game but Howard didn't know which one he would like better because he hadn't heard either one. Gary came in and tried to defend himself but Howard was goofing on him for making such a dopey comment to him. Gary said he wanted to go with the rest of the old game instead of the new version.
Howard just wanted to know which one was better but Gary wasn't able to give him the answer he wanted. He moved on to the game but they didn't really have any prizes to give away other than some Carson's ribs.
Howard played the first question they asked Big Foot. It was ''What color is a lemon?'' The caller had to guess if he would answer correctly. The caller said he would answer correctly. Big Foot's answer was ''A lemon is green.'' Howard played the rest of the questions so here they are...
Sal came in and told Howard that he told Gary not to listen to these questions because he had created the other game. Gary said he didn't listen to the other one and Howard was looking for a game to play so he had to pick one to go with and he picked the one he had heard.
Sal told Gary to go ahead and punch him in the mouth if he wants but he was pissed that he didn't listen to him. Gary said that he didn't lie about it but he really had. Sal said that he worked hard on that bit for Howard and he was pissed that Gary didn't even listen to it before passing on it. Gary called Sal a jerk-off and told him to run and get his bit.
Howard asked Gary why he lied to him. Gary said he had to give him an answer quickly and didn't want to get into things. Sal said he told Gary that he told him to hold off on the game until they could review this new game they put together. Gary and Howard both said that the audience is bored with this stuff. Then Richard came in and said that he loves Gary but he really should have listened to this bit.
Sal thinks that Gary dropped the ball with this whole thing. Howard kicked all of them out and apologized that it even got on the air. He got back to the game and played the rest of the questions he had...
Howard said he can't have these guys on the show all the time, he burns out on them sometimes. He said that he thinks Big Foot is better on the show right now and Jeff is just burnt out at this point. Artie figured that Jeff would say that he could do the same things that Big Foot does adding ''It is'' after his sentences.
Howard played another Jeff the Drunk message where he says he needs work and shit and they don't even ask him if he wants to work for them. They played another clip of him complaining about people not taking care of him enough on the show. Artie said that he really is annoying and always asking for stuff. He said he calls him all the time asking him stuff.
Artie said he told Jeff to show up one day all drunk and maybe they'd let him on the show. He said that Jeff asked him what day he should do that but he didn't have an answer for him. Howard had one more message where Jeff asked why he doesn't pick up the phone when he calls in.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that Artie can be annoying too. Artie told her that she was an annoying twat herself and she should stop calling into the show. Mariann said that Jeff is funny when he's on the show. Howard agrees but he can't put him on every minute of the day.
Howard talked about those key chains and how they had some bigger ones made up for the crew. Steve said that they also have a Mr. Skin update coming up today on Howard 100 News.
Howard had Jon Hein give his show rundown after that. Jon whipped through a few of the subjects that they would be covering today on The Wrap Up Show. They're going to talk about whether or not the show would go on if Robin passed away... and if anyone else from the show passed away. Howard said the only person the show couldn't go on without is him. He said he would still try to get out of his contract if Robin passed away. He said that he doesn't think he could be moved by anyone to give a good eulogy, even Robin.
Artie admitted to Howard that he had cried for like an hour the day that Dana called and left him the final message where she told him that things were over. He said that was really upsetting to him and he sat in his apartment crying for a good hour. Howard said he doesn't really do stuff like that and he never gets that upset.
Howard said he thinks that Dana calling him and bringing up that he got laid is kind of crummy of her. Artie said it wasn't about that really. Howard thinks that she didn't have to bring that up with him when. Artie said he never said what she said in that message and he was just talking about how he cried for an hour after that call because it was kind of upsetting that he'll never see her again. He went out with her for four and a half years. He finds it hard to believe that Howard has never felt that for someone.
Artie remembers the day that Howard talked about Sam Kinison's death and laughed as he was talking about it. Artie said he thought Howard was going to be all upset but he started off the show laughing and talking about Sam dying. He said they have to get Sir Harden Thicke to pull that show out of the archives.
Jon Hein wrapped up his show preview and everyone was looking forward to that show because Gary might just blow his stack about what went on with Sal earlier. Robin started her news a short time later.
Howard took a phone call during the news. The guy thought the Katt Williams interview was very good and asked if he had any games to play. Howard said he had nothing. Robin asked if the guy wanted Gary's head to explode after what went on earlier.
Howard played an audio clip from Inside Edition where they did a whole report about yesterday's Sam Simon story about Michael Richards. They made Sam's stories sound even worse than they did when Sam was telling them on Howard's show.
Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Howard started off the show by taking a commercial break. After the break Howard said he had a good day yesterday sitting home. He said he was at the station before that and was told he had the number one ratings in New York City for the fifth straight year. Then later in the day his agent sat him down and told him he was number one in L.A.
Howard read through his ratings reports and told Robin about their ratings jumping up out there while Mark and Brian fell to number 12. Rick Dees fell to number 6. Howard said Rick's station must not have been giving away lots of money.
Howard said his agent also told him about going from a 1.9 to a 3.4 rating in Chicago. He said they were 1 tenth of a point from being number one out there. That happened in under 6 months which is their fastest drive to the top ever. He said he called up his old boss at the station they were at out there to talk about their stupid move getting rid of him. He said that Larry Wert went crying to all of the ad agencies out there telling them that he had wished AIDS on him.
Howard said when he called the old station they told him not to rub it in. He said that this ratings sweep was faster than any other city. He said they would have been number one in 9 months instead of a year if that other station hadn't fired them.
Howard said he was reading the New York Post and they wrote that his ratings had plummeted. He said that some guy wrote about the ratings but obviously didn't know what he was talking about. He said it's hard to decipher the ratings sometimes and they were going by what the ratings were last summer, comparing them to the current ratings. He couldn't believe that they were ruining this great day for him. It's like they want him to fail.
Howard wanted Gary to get the guy who wrote the article on the phone so he could ask him about the article. He said the guy must be an Imus fan because he wrote up how his ratings had remained the same. Howard said all of these reporters want him to fail and insist on writing that his ratings aren't all that great, even though he's number 1.
Howard wondered why it is that he can't win with those reporters. He wanted to ask the guy if he ever even saw the ratings that he was reporting on. Gary came in a short time later and told Howard he had the reporter on the phone. Howard picked up and spoke to Joe Adalain. He asked the guy if he knew what certain things meant in the ratings books. The guy knew what some of that stuff meant but not all of it. Howard said that the stuff he reported on was just not right. He told the guy that he is still number one in New York City and no one has ever accomplished such a thing.
Howard said that even this guy David Hinkley from the Daily news, who hates Howard, got it right in his article. Howard asked Joe who he spoke to about the ratings. Joe said that he can't get anyone from his station to talk about that stuff so he went by what he was reading. Howard said that he should have been talking about how he had a 14 ratings to Imus' 6 rating.
Joe said that he doesn't write the headlines so that wasn't his fault. Howard laughed and said that's the story of his life. Howard read some of Joe's article and told Joe that people in the industry must laugh when they read that stuff.
Gary came in and told Howard that his ratings are a 9.6, the next competitor is a 6 rating and Imus is down at a 3.9. That's how far apart Imus really was. Howard wondered why this kind of thing happens to him when a guy like Imus gets positive press for having no ratings.
Howard told Joe that it's his responsibility to research the story he's writing and to get it right. He said it's not his job to explain the ratings to someone. Joe said that Howard has dropped ratings since the summer book. Robin told the guy that they have their highest ratings in the summer every year, they drop off during the fall all the time.
Howard called Tom Chiusano into the studio to have him explain all of this stuff to Joe. Tom said that the ratings do drop off in the fall because kids are back to school after the summer.
Howard talked about some of the guys he's beaten over the years and how he would like to have Mel buy some FM station in Chicago so he can crush the competition out there. Howard wondered if Joe has ever done anything in his career worth writing about. He wanted to ruin Joe's day just like Joe had ruined his day. He said that these guys just call the General Managers at other stations and believe anything they're told. Any GM is going to spin the story in their favor.
Howard continued to complain about the way he gets treated in the press no matter how well he does. He said that Rupert Murdoch should read his own paper once in a while because he is writing a book for one of his companies. He said it must be easier to write a negative article about him instead of a positive one. He said it's just not fair. He let Joe go a short time later and said that he should go drink poison.
Howard said he should be having a the best day of his life but now he's having the worst. He said he does have to thank the people of Chicago for getting them up in the ratings even though they were taken off the station there.
Howard said he's going to do his first book signing out in L.A. Since they made him number one out there. He figured he'd give them that since they gave him the ratings. He had to go to break after that.
Howard said that they got a Judge Ito mask there at the station and it's so real looking that he thought that he was actually there. He had Billy West go out and put the mask on. Billy came in and went into his Judge Ito impression with the mask on. He said that it's very tough to see through those slits they call eyes. Billy told a few jokes but Howard said he needed someone to write him some funny stuff.
Howard told Billy he could take the mask off. Billy said that even through those slits he could still see that OJ was guilty.
Howard read a letter he got from a fan who said that he'd like to see OJ dating Johnny Cochran's daughter. Howard said the guy also said it would be funny of OJ was tried by Mexican's the next time.
Howard said that Steve Dunleavy wrote an article about himself and how right he's been about the OJ case so far. He read some of that article and did his Aussie accent as he was reading it. He also brought up how Bryant Gumbel wanted to do this interview with OJ Simpson but he's been told he's too close to the guy. They're doing that interview on NBC. Howard said he thinks that Bryant would be fine doing that interview but now he's so pissed off that he's called in sick with the flu this week.
Robin read some stuff about the kind of advertising money that Dateline is going to be getting per 30 seconds. They're getting more money than even Seinfeld is making for ads. Howard and the guys ended up goofing on Tom Brokaw for a short time. They were talking about where he went to school and where Katie Couric went to school and goofing on both of them. Billy West went into a Tom Brokaw impression and goofed on his speech impediment. Robin said that you watch that guy when you want a laugh during the news. Howard said that Tom Brokaw reads his lines like his tongue is running the high hurdle.
Howard got back to Steve Dunleavy and talked about his article where he says he has predicted a lot of the stuff OJ has done so far. He said that he thinks that OJ will leave the country when he's sued in a Civil trial. Steve also says that Johnny Cochran will not be backing OJ in that trial either.
Howard said that he's going to have a Pope Mobile made up for his book signing tour. He did his impression of the pope for a short time. He figured he'd wear one of those giant hats and carry the smoking purse around with him as well. He could also wear one of those big sash things and then walk over an open grate and have the wind blow up his dress like Marilyn Monroe.
Howard said that he likes that people are going to be protesting the OJ interview at NBC. He likes the idea of that whole thing. He said he's not even going to watch the interview.
Howard said he was on the phone with a really famous guy last night... but he can't say who it was because he promised he wouldn't. Robin wanted to know who it was but Howard wasn't going to give up the information. He said he promised the guy he wouldn't say. He told Robin he had to take a commercial break but they ended up talking a little more about OJ before that happened.
Gary told Howard he had a guy on the phone that he might want to talk to. Howard said that yesterday was the best day in his life. He said he loves the days when his kids were born but yesterday was the best day in his life because he went to number 1 in the ratings in some other markets. He remains number 1 in New York which is also great.
Howard ended up doing his Rambo impression when Fred played a clip from the movie. He said he couldn't be distracted by that but that's exactly what happened. He eventually got back to what he was talking about. Gary read a headline from a Chicago paper where they blasted the radio station that fired him just a week before the ratings came out. Howard shot right up in the ratings in that ratings period but the station let them go just 6 months after he started there. Howard read through the article and explained how the station jumped the gun on firing them. He said that radio ratings are not like TV ratings, they don't happen immediately.
Howard read the article and said that he was almost number one after just 6 months in the market. That's the fastest rise they've ever had in the history of the show. He had to kiss himself after reading all of that stuff. He even wanted to pull down his pants to kiss himself because he's so great. He told Fred to come over and kiss him down there instead.
Howard wanted to kiss a picture of himself so he took off his headphones and went over to a big picture he had in the studio and kissed himself on the lips. He said he also wanted to kiss OJ and then asked Robin to come and kiss him for the first time. She told him to sit down. She said she would not do that even though they were number one in all of these huge markets. He said he also wanted to touch her breasts, one for each coast that they're number one on.
Howard kept asking for the kiss from Robin but she didn't want to do it. She said it didn't sound fun to her. Howard figured she hadn't kissed a man in a long time so she must want it. Howard thought she had feelings for him but she said she didn't have feelings for any of the guys there. Robin suggested that Howard kiss Robin Radzinski instead of her.
Howard interrupted and said he forgot he had a phone call to take. He still couldn't get over the fact that Robin wouldn't kiss him and said that he can see the headlines in the paper now... ''Stern's Sex Appeal Plummets.''
Howard read more of the article about his ratings in Chicago. He said that this guy Larry Wert was going around telling advertisers about his wish of him getting AIDS but failed to tell them that their station was going around sending them boxes of excrement and stuff like that.
Howard laughed when he read about Steve Dahl losing all of his ratings in Chicago. He said that guy was so proud of himself for being his first imitator. He said all of those guys are wannabes.
The caller claims that the guy, Mark or Brian, shoved him away so he said he was being a real asshole and then the guy threw his beer down and said ''Come on man, lets go...'' and then shoved him down to his knees. Then the caller pulled his legs out and knocked the guy down on his back and started wailing on him. He said that they spent about a half hour talking about it on their show the next day. He said he had claimed that it was a drunk fan who had attacked him when he's not a fan of his at all.
The caller said that he also kicked the guy in the face when he lunged at him again. He said that it was Brian who he was actually beating the crap out of. He said they carted him off to clean Brian up at some point in the night and they kicked the caller out of the concert. Howard got a few laughs out of that story. He thanked the guy for the call and let that guy go.
Howard said that he loves that those guys are busy getting into fights with his fans at a concert. He said he came to that town and showed the people in L.A. who the best radio guy is. He said that those two are his bitches now and they now know what that's like. He wondered what it must be like for them when everyone brings up his name to them.
Howard said that until he leaves radio, they will never be able to succeed. when he does leave radio, that's when they will be able to make it. He said he's got to get back on an FM station in Chicago so he can shoot up to number one there. He came so close until those dopes at WCKG let him go. Howard said that a certain someone he knows, Mel Karmazin, is going to buy an FM station there so he can put him on. He said Mel doesn't realize that yet but that's what's going to happen. He had to go to break after that.
Howard said that OJ is standing there watching TV in the picture and he's got a big TV in the middle of his media center and two smaller ones on the sides. They had a picture of Al Cowlings watching the verdict being read as well.
Howard said that they should ask OJ to produce the gloves that he was wearing in the pictures that Nicole took of him. Jackie said that Jackie said that OJ claimed that the gloves didn't fit but they were the same size that Nicole bought for him. If they didn't fit then why would she have bought them for him?
Howard said that there was a hot blonde in the pictures and wondered who she was with there at the party. He said it looked like OJ was scoping her out in the picture too.
Howard said that Johnny Cochran was in one picture laughing at the spot on OJ's floor where they found ''the bloody sock.'' Howard said that he thought OJ was upset about losing his wife but they're all standing around laughing about the whole thing.
Howard and the guys were all checking out the pictures and talking about some of the stuff they saw. Howard read about OJ's mother and said that's probably where all of OJ's problems came from.
Howard wanted to call ''Girlcow'' (Mancow) to brag about how close he came to beating him in the latest ratings book. He said it will take some time to build up that audience again after what went on. He dialed the number off the air and tried to get Mancow on the phone. He got someone on the line and told him to go get his bitch of a boss on the line. The woman put him on hold but came back a short time later and said she wasn't going to come on the air. Howard went off on her for a few seconds before she hung up on him.
Gary said that Mancow wanted to be on the show just a couple of months ago but now he won't come on because Howard came so close to beating him. Gary said that the guy has to be making in his pants now that he's come so close. Howard said he's probably relieved because they were taken off of that FM station and put on some AM station out there. Howard said that Steve Dahl is another guy who crows that he beats him but then he beats them when he gets on in their market.
Howard said he was a little pissed off at Robin for not kissing him on the lips. She once kissed Stuttering John on the lips. He read a letter he got where a guy says that she should kiss the man who made her what she is, on the lips. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard had Chuck Negron from Three Dog Night come in a short time later. He said he didn't know that Chuck was on drugs back then and thought that they were a clean band. Chuck said that they had all kinds of drugs to use back in the 60s when they were making hit songs. chuck said that he was reminded of a story from back then and said that he was told that he had to stop having sex so much because he had a problem with his penis and it got so engorged with blood that it exploded.
Howard didn't know what he was talking about so he had to get more details about this penis that exploded. Chuck said that because he was so agitated from having so much sex, it started bleeding. He said that he went to the emergency room after the blood started coming out of it. It wasn't the first time they had seen something like that either.
Chuck said he had stopped having sex for like a week but this one woman came around that he liked. He said that he didn't have much of a rap so he was able to get her somehow. He said he was sore from having so much sex but he had to have this chick.
Howard talked about how he masturbates so much that he feels that there's nothing left inside of him. He still has to do it though. Howard asked Chuck if he's a large man or if he's average size. Chuck said he's average and the people at the hospital were laughing at him. He said he had his penis is in his hand while it was bleeding and that's the way he walked in. Robin said they probably had people coming to look at it too. Chuck said that's exactly what happened.
Howard said the doctors probably said that it was just another case of ''Rockstarus Fallus.'' He also talked about some other stories he's heard about people who have had things jammed up their butts but claim that the stuff went up there accidentally.
Chuck said that there are some people who have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and that's what the doctors thought he had because he was having so much sex. He said that his girlfriend at the time freaked out when she saw the blood coming out. She actually felt the blood coming out of his penis. Chuck said he didn't feel anything at the time because he was on heroin. He was actually kind of happy that he was bleeding because he was so high.
Chuck said that a lot of OCD sufferers rub themselves so much that it bleeds. That's why the doctors thought that's what his problem was. He said that he had a lot of women who would come and do him and then his road manager would kick them out for him. He said that wasn't the nicest thing to do to women, he knows that. Howard said Chuck must have thought that this was the worst joke that God could play on him by making his penis bleed.
Chuck said that he knew that the sex thing was going to end some day but he didn't know that it was going to end with his penis bleeding. He thought it was all over at that time.
Howard gave chuck a plug for his new album and said that they would come back and have him play some songs for them after taking a break. Chuck had a friend there to help him out with the songs. Gary told Howard that Jimmy is in the Three Dog Night band that was out touring but Chuck isn't in that band. Robin said she wanted to know more about that but Howard told her he'd get to it after the break. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard asked Jimmy Greenspoon about why the band won't have Chuck in it. Jimmy said that it was Chuck's choice, they weren't keeping him from being in the band. Chuck said that he made a lot of money with the band and thought that he could go back but they didn't want to deal with him doing drugs like he did in the old days. He was clean though so he wouldn't be the same guy.
chuck said that he realized how much damage he had done to these men that he worked with. He said he should have been reliable to them but he ended up walking away from everything and left them hanging. Chuck told Howard about how he got into singing and how he did a gig at the Apollo theater right after a woman got booed off stage. He said that she was bad and he thought he was going to get taken off the air the same way. He managed to win them over by the second verse though.
Howard asked Chuck how he hooked up with the band. He said he moved out to California and met these guys who had a band. He said he didn't do drugs back then. He said he did LSD and ended up getting hooked right away. He said the first time wasn't too bad but the second time was petrifying to him. He said he tried some other drugs that made him sick but he got addicted and kept doing them.
Howard wanted to have Chuck and Jimmy perform some songs for them. Chuck said that they hadn't performed together in about 10 years but they should be fine with anything that Howard throws out to them. Jimmy started playing but Chuck spent a short time talking about how he lost a lot of the money that he made from being in the band. He said that about $50 million has disappeared over the years. He said that he would waste money on things that a sober person wouldn't. He said he had a building worth millions that he sold for $35,000 because he needed the money that day. chuck said he even sold his gold records to make money and he never went back to get them from the pawn shop he gave them to because he was so embarrassed.
Chuck said that they had 12 platinum albums over the years and they sold over 90 million albums over the years. Howard had Chuck sing ''One'' for them after that. Chuck and Jimmy performed most of that song and then asked Howard if he wanted to hear another one. Howard was lost in the song and forgot that he could request more.
Howard said that ''One'' was their number this morning since they were number one in New York and Los Angeles. chuck and Jimmy performed ''Joy to the World'' after that. Howard told him that he has to get back into the band after hearing that song. Chuck said that the band is happy with what they're doing so he doesn't need to go back. He said that he went out and made his own CD and he doesn't have to deal with those peckerheads in the band. He wasn't calling Jimmy a peckerhead, it was the other guys.
Howard requested ''Eli's Coming'' as the next song so Jimmy and Chuck went right into that one. Howard asked if that one was about masturbation. Chuck laughed and said it was. Howard had then perform ''Old Fashion Love Song'' after that. Howard told them they were great and then asked them to perform ''Easy to be Hard.'' They went right into that one and played for a short time.
Howard asked Chuck about his solo album and which one was the best song on there. Chuck said that he likes a lot of the stuff on there. He covers the old Cream song ''I Feel Free'' so Howard wanted to check that one out. He played that song and said that he loves that song. He played some other tracks off the new album and spent a little time talking to Chuck about it. Chuck said that he does some old songs because he loves them but he's also come up with some new stuff.
Howard started to wrap up with the guys and gave Chuck some plugs for this new album of his. Gary told Howard that Chuck went to jail and did some time. chuck said that he got into some trouble back when he still had a car and got put away for a while. He said he got busted for driving under the influence. He said that the cops once pulled him over and told him to take his hands out of his pockets but when he took them out, he had dope in his hands. He said he had to clean up but every time he was tested he'd come up dirty.
Chuck talked about some of the stuff he got into trouble over and how he was arrested for stealing a car one time. He said it wasn't a stranger's car though, it was someone he knew. He said that he was so bad that even the Betty Ford Clinic didn't want to help him. He said that even they thought his drug use was too much. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time after that.
Howard had Robin start her news after Fred played her news theme song. Howard wondered where that came from. Fred said it was on some sound effects CD and it was called ''High Tech 6 Number 14.'' Robin started off her news and couldn't avoid bringing up OJ Simpson again. It was all over the news. Howard and the guys had some fun goofing on OJ and all of the crazy stuff that had gone on with his court case.
Howard wanted to get this guy Don Ohlmeyer on the phone to ask him about how he's supported OJ since the beginning. He goofed on the guy during Robin's news report about OJ. He and Billy West were also doing impressions of some of the jurors from OJs case. They were goofing on how dopey some of them sounded talking about the evidence in the case.
Howard wanted to run a commercial for his show during the OJ Simpson interview on Dateline but Tom Chiusano came in and said he doesn't think they would take it. Howard said they could do a 30 second shoot with the E! crew and send it over to NBC. If they said no to them, even that would be a big story because they're willing to put OJ on their air but they may not take an ad from him.
Howard told Billy he could wear the Judge Ito mask in the commercial. Gary came in and told Howard he had the number for the NBC ad sales department. Tom asked him if the number was in New York as if he didn't want him calling California because it might cost too much.
Howard tried calling the number but he kept getting a busy signal. Billy West was doing an impression of the busy signal so Howard told him to shut up with that. He thought that it would be unbelievable if they could get an ad on during that show. Howard ended up calling Jackie's Joke Line instead of the ad sales line. He didn't get a busy signal with that. Howard cut it off before the joke was done. Billy then went into his Jackie impression and goofed on that for a short time.
Tom said that this would be a big story but he still didn't think it was going to happen. Howard eventually got through to the sales department and asked if they would come on the air with him. Howard spent some time talking to the guys while they waited for someone to pick up the phone. It never happened though so he tried calling back. He asked again if they could get someone to talk to him on the air but they just put him on hold again.
Howard told Tom to go back in his office and make the call off the air to find out if he could buy a 30 second spot during the OJ interview. Tom didn't want to lie about it but Howard told him it was okay to do that. He went to break after that.
Howard goofed on Tom for a short time and said he wasn't dropping the idea of doing a spot on that show. He said he still wants to do it. He had Robin get back into her news after that. Robin got right back into the OJ news and talked about the money that NBC was charging for ads during the interview and said that they're claiming that they were going to lose money on the deal.
Robin went through a bunch of news stories. Howard wrapped up the show after that and ended the show around 10:10am (Master Tape Theatre time).