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Howard started off the show and played the latest rap song from Grover who wraps up the previous week's Howard Stern Show with his rap songs. Howard heard one part where Grover reminded him of the Steve Langford prank call the guys made. He was also reminded of Underdog Lady's appearance and the voice mail she left after that where she talked about how upset she was about the stuff they brought up during her phone call. He played that voice mail and talked about her for a short time.
Howard said that there were a ton of people on the phone who wanted to talk about Artie since the Yankees are out of the playoffs. He made a bet with Chris Kanyon last week where one of them would make out with Blue Iris if their team didn't go farther than the other's did in the series. Chris had the Mets and Artie had the Yankees.
Artie said that he was out watching the game at his friend's bar over the weekend and he was really bummed out when he saw how easy they went down. Howard said that he's been reading that people are saying that it's time for Joe Torre to go. Artie said he doesn't think it's time for him to go and he thinks that they'll keep him around for another year.
Howard said he was reading about the problems that A-Rod has had with Derek Jeter and that may be one of the reasons that he's doing so poorly on the team. Gary came in and filled Artie in on that since he seemed like he didn't know what Howard was talking about. Artie spent some time talking about how if anyone has to go from that team it has to be A-Rod.
Howard asked Artie if the Yankees have become that team that makes it to the playoffs and will never make it to the World Series again. Artie said they haven't won since 2000 but they're not like the Chicago Cubs. He and Gary spent some time arguing about the team and whether or not there's a rift in the team that's ruining them or not. Artie said they're a great team but they're just not getting into the Series.
Howard reminded Artie about who he was going to have to make out with when he showed him a picture of Blue Iris. Howard told him that she looks like a man wearing a wig. He also had a new prank call that the guys made using Blue Iris audio clips and had her talking to Gary the Retard. She asked him what size penis he had and told him that she was getting really hot. She wanted to help make him cum so she had him pull out his testicles. Gary didn't seem to have a clue that they were goofing on him. Gary was asking her how old she was but the guys didn't have a clip for that so they had her saying ''Yeah'' over and over again.
Artie said he couldn't even laugh at that anymore because of the bet he had made. Howard told Artie he may like making out with her, you never know. He asked him how he's going to get through that and actually make out with her. Artie asked when they're going to make that happen. Howard didn't know when they were going to set that up. They have to check with Chris Kanyon to see when he's available.
Howard played a voice mail that Blue Iris left where she says that she's looking for some fans to get involved in her next porn movie. She said something about having two guys doing stuff together. Howard got Blue on the phone a short time later and asked her if she knows what's going on. She knew that Artie was going to be making out with her. Artie asked her how her hygiene was and if she brushes her teeth. Howard said she has no teeth, she takes them out and washes them. She said she has her own teeth and she does brush them. She also takes a shower every day. Artie asked her to wash her mouth out with a bunch of chemicals when she comes in. She said she would.
Artie was also suggesting that Blue could back out of this deal if she wanted to. She sounded like she was into it though so Artie may have to go through with the whole thing. Artie told her to make sure she doesn't die before this happens because he'd hate not to be able to go through with it. Blue said she'll make sure that doesn't happen. Blue also told the guys that her boyfriend Blitz will be listening when they do it.
Howard said that next week they have a Blue Iris documentary coming out on Howard TV. They may bring her in next week to talk about that. Blue told the guys that her boyfriend Blitz is one of the owners of Scores. He lives in New York so he has to fly out to California to visit her. Howard asked her if Blitz is blind. She said he's not blind, he's 73 years old.
Howard let Blue go and took some phone calls for Artie. A guy called in from Boston and told Artie to let Blue Iris stick her finger in his ass. Artie said he's not even sure how he's going to approach this whole thing. He said he may be the aggressor in the whole thing. Artie said that he may have to get some heroin for that day so he can get through that. He said that's the kind of thing Heroin was made for. Howard told him that they may let him drink that morning so he can get through it.
Howard said that he beat off to this porn chick Carmen Luvana last night. Beth was away so he pulled out a DVD that Carmen is in and beat off to it. He said he's not into the chicks who are spitting on each other but he did get off on that DVD.
Howard had another Blue Iris voice mail where she told a joke to Richard. It wasn't funny and Howard said she's got a hell of a way of telling a story.
Howard asked Artie if he's depressed that the Yankees lost this weekend. Artie said he is depressed but he's not depressed enough to get back on Heroin. Howard played a song parody that the guys wrote about Artie snorting heroin. That led to Howard playing some voice mail that fans left goofing on Artie over the whole Blue Iris bet. He said the voice mail was packed with that stuff. He said they got a ton of e-mail about it as well.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that when Artie was betting on the Yankees last week he was really pissed because he knew he was jinxing them. Howard said maybe that was what jinxed them.
Howard took a call from a woman who went off on him about the article that he read about the Yankees earlier in the morning. Howard ended up getting pissed because she wouldn't stop talking when he was trying to respond to her. He told her that's the reason she will never keep a man because she doesn't stop talking.
Howard got into the Yankees discussion again and the woman kept talking over Artie as he was trying to explain what he was trying to explain. Howard said that it's very unsexy to hear a woman trying to comment on baseball. He said he was trying to watch a football game over the weekend and they had a woman reporter during the game and she had absolutely nothing to add to it.
Howard said he tried to watch the Jets over the weekend and they were horrible. He was also watching the Steelers game. Artie said that the Jets were really bad this weekend and they lost 41 to 0. Howard said he tried watching the Steelers but he had to watch last week's Smallville episode. He didn't understand how he got a cold during that episode. He said that the woman who plays Lois Lane, Erica Durance, on that show is coming in today.
Howard said he has no awareness of what he's doing. Doug said that it happens during interviews mostly. Howard said he sits in that chair for 5 hours and only takes one bathroom break per show so he has to pick his nose and things like that. He said he picks them out and flicks them. He said he sometimes forgets that the cameras are there and just picks and flicks. Doug said he's never seen him flick a booger, he's seen him stick his thumb up there but not actually take something out.
Eric said that the voice mails he left were better than this phone call. He also asked Artie how he can try to get out of paying off a bet when they won't let him off the hook as far as that balloon thing. Artie said that at least he's never welched on a bet and told Eric that he should come in and just do the balloon thing.
Howard asked Eric if he has seen that cartoon that aired on Howard TV yet. Eric did see it and he's not happy about it. Howard thinks the cartoon character looks just like him but Eric said ''No it doesn't.'' like even he wasn't convinced it didn't look like him.
The Howard TV guys were showing the cartoon as they were talking about it and Howard noticed that there was a ''I've got the Mc Pheever'' poster on his wall. Eric said that he doesn't have anything like that in his apartment, he has just a couple of American Idol things in his room and that's not one of them.
Howard said that he'd like Kevin Lofton to animate the Bitter Half show that Sam Simon created. He said they really have to get that show on the air because so many things change on the show so fast.
Howard asked Gary when they're going to set up the Blue Iris thing with Artie. Gary asked if they should do it just for themselves or have a small audience. Howard said it might be good to have an audience. Artie said he may just go fuck her instead of kiss her because it might be less disgusting to him. Robin said that would be funny. Howard said he couldn't bring himself to do that with her.
Howard said that Erica Durance was there and he talked about how he was checking out some nude shots of her over at MrSkin.com last night before he watched Smallville. Gary told him that it looks like her boobs have gotten bigger since then. Howard said she must have gotten implants. He had to go to break a short time later.
After the break Howard was listening to a bumper that Fred played and wondered where it came from. JD came in to let him know where he got it but he was mumbling so the guys ended up goofing on him. Howard was also wondering if JD had gotten together with that Porn Chick Kimberly Kane (KaneArmy.com) again this weekend. JD said he did talk to her on the phone but that was it. Howard and Fred goofed on JD's mumbling for a short time. Howard said he wants JD to tape his calls or tape himself having sex with her.
Howard asked Erica if she's married. She said she's married to the guy that he was goofing on her about 2 years ago when she was on the show last. She said this is actually her second marriage. She said she got married at 18 and then got married at 25. Howard said he doesn't think it will last even though she has been married for a few years now. She doesn't think it's going to end but Howard said he thinks that it's still going to fall apart.
Erica said that her husband just got done working on the Spike TV show 'Blade.' Robin said that's too bad because it just got canceled. Howard was a fan of the show and was watching it.
Howard read that Erica likes to be nude around her house so he was wondering what that was all about. She explained how she grew up in a really conservative home and she wanted to be free in her home so that's why she does it. She sometimes eats naked with her husband. Howard said she's a nudist so he wondered what other types of things they do naked. She said that they will sit around and watch TV naked and things like that. They will eat breakfast naked and just walk around the house nude. She said they live in a wooded area on the side of a mountain so they could run through the woods naked if they wanted to.
Howard wondered how many of Erica's friends come over and sit around naked in their house. Erica said that's kind of blown out of proportion. She said that the friends that do that have known her for a long time. Howard told Erica that this is not a good interview because she's not helping him out by telling him why she does this. She said that people don't get weirded out by it and the people kind of expect it when they come over.
Erica said that she will invite people over and tell them that it's clothing optional. She will answer the door with an apron on but nude underneath it. Howard tried to get details out of her but Erica didn't seem to think it was a big deal and wasn't cooperating with him. Howard wondered if she's uptight about it or something. She said she thought she was coming in to talk about this movie she was promoting, ''The Butterfly Effect 2.'' Howard said ''Fuck the movie'' and asked her more about the nudist thing. He said he would get to that later.
Howard asked Erica what's up with the nudity thing and what goes on at her house during that. She said that it's just a freedom thing and there's nothing weird going on. Howard was still trying to make sense of it all but he just couldn't figure it out.
Howard asked Erica if all of the dudes that come to her house have big dicks. She said she doesn't pay attention to that stuff but Howard found that hard to believe. He said she has to see small dicks and judge them. He said that he would look at her boobs and say that she has nice ones. Artie asked Erica if she would invite him to her house and tell him that he could be clothing optional. He was just as fascinated by this discussion as Howard is.
Howard and Artie both think that the guys who show up to her house must be good looking because ugly guys wouldn't be allowed to get naked in front of her. Howard asked her if some people keep their clothes on. Erica said that some people keep their clothes on and that's the way things are up in Canada. Howard said she seems to be kind of uptight about all of this.
Erica told Howard about how she and her husband did an interview with FHM magazine where they talked about a couple of nude parties they had and it came out like they were having them every weekend. Artie asked her what the percentage of nude people is if they have like 20 people to their house. She said that maybe 14 or 15 of them will be naked. She also said that it's all for good fun. Howard tried to picture what goes on there and asked her what would happen when he shows up. He found out that she and her husband would be nude already when the guests show up. Howard asked how the people get naked and where they do it. Erica said that people go to a coat room and get naked there. She said that they can walk around in their underwear if they want. She said that the guys are usually the ones who keep their underwear on.
Howard said he would get so shriveled up if he did that. He asked Erica if she shaves down fresh for the party. She said she likes to keep that a mystery and doesn't talk about it. Howard had Wendy the Retard on the phone because she wanted to go to one of these parties. She was saying she would go and she would like to have sex at the party. Erica said there is no sex going on at her parties. There is flirting going on but no sex.
Howard asked if anyone pops a boner at the party. Erica said that there might be some guys who get aroused but the people who go to nudist beaches and stuff on a regular basis don't get hard. She said she would give Howard a cup if he needed one to keep his boner down. Howard said he's blown out by this whole thing and what the etiquette must be.
Erica said that the point of the party is not to have an orgy, it's just to have fun. Howard said he still doesn't get it and said that there must be a big chunk of the story being left out. Erica wanted out of this part of the interview and wanted to talk about something else. Howard told her she's too uptight about it and she should loosen up. Howard asked her if she has any of her co-stars from Smallville over to her parties. She said she doesn't do that at all.
Sal came in and told Erica that she has to step it up or get the fuck out of there. He asked her if she's familiar with how the show works. Richard also said that they want to see some titites or something. They said that they're also nudists and wanted to get naked but Howard told them to get out. Sal told her one last time that she really does need to step it up or get out.
Howard seemed to agree that the interview wasn't going very well. He kicked them out and talked about Smallville. He said he doesn't understand how Superman gets a cold. Erica said that she just gets the script and does the job, she has no idea how he got a cold. Robin said that episode didn't make any sense.
Howard gave Erica a plug for this movie ''The Butterfly Effect 2'' which is coming out on DVD tomorrow. She explained the movie to Howard but he apparently never heard of it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the guys are missing the point of these parties. He said that someone like Howard would never be invited to a party like this is because he would get a boner from seeing people naked. Howard said that he hasn't met one human being who isn't judgmental and he wouldn't go to a party where people are going to laugh at him. He knows that it's not going to happen at the party but people will laugh at him after the party.
The caller said that Sal and Richard would never be invited to a party like that either and he isn't judgmental. Robin figured he was trying to get an invite to one of Erica's parties. After taking a call from a guy who was snoring because he was bored, Howard wrapped up with Erica, gave her another plug for this movie and went to commercial break.
Howard said he never talks to people about the movies that they're promoting. Gary said that she wasn't angry from what he could tell. He said that she was kind of surprised that the whole interview was about that one thing when there were so many other things to talk about. Howard said she doesn't seem to have much of a sense of humor.
Gary said she was just surprised that they focused on that one thing when there are so many other things in her life that they could talk about. She didn't say she was upset with the interview though. Artie said he doubts that she would be honest with them even if she was upset. Howard had to finish up his StubHub.com commercial after that.
Gary said he just got a message from Jason that said Erica just left abruptly and she was on the verge of crying. She also wouldn't speak to Lisa G. Ronnie came in and told Howard that Erica was hysterically crying by the time she hit the front door. Howard couldn't believe that and said that he found her to be fun while she was there. Robin said that Sal and Richard's comments didn't help.
Richard said that it wasn't their idea to come in there, it was Doug and some other people. Howard said it didn't fly with him for them to come in like that. Sal told Howard that she stunk in there so ''fuck her.'' Howard told him to get out and that he doesn't need their help with the show. Howard told Gary to run it by him from now on if he wants to send them in there. Gary took a little bit of the responsibility for that whole thing himself. He said it wasn't all Doug. Gary said that the feeling out there was that the interview was dying so they were trying to help.
Howard told him to send him a note and asked him what the fuck is wrong with him. He said he doesn't care what his thought process is and didn't need an explanation. Howard said he has no control over it when Richard and Sal come barging into the studio without him knowing. He sent Gary out of the studio and went into his Baba Booey impression for a few seconds. They had to finish up the commercials after that.
Chris Kanyon called in to talk about the bet he had with Artie last week. He ended up winning and that means Artie has to make out with Blue Iris. Chris said he was shocked that it was over so quickly. He had a feeling the Yanks were going to win it all. Artie asked Chris how much it was going to cost him not to make out with Blue Iris. Chris said he couldn't do that and couldn't give up that bet. The people at the SternFanNetwork apparently want him to go through it and he can't give up on the bet.
Chris told Howard not to feel bad about what they did to Erica. He said he would have felt really bad if he was a yawn on the show. Artie said that Chris handled Sal and Richard by beating the crap out of them. Chris asked when that episode is going to air on Howard TV. Doug Goodstein came in and said that they're going to air that show in a couple of weeks and they'll be sure to let them know when it's available.
Chris asked Artie when it sunk in that he was going to have to make out with Blue Iris. Artie said he was talking with his buddies about the Yanks going through the whole series. Chris said that Artie should come up with some other bet if he wants to get some revenge with him. He said that maybe they could do a bet about the Mets winning the series or something. Artie just wants to get out of this bet somehow.
Chris told Artie that if he needs the suicide hot line number, he has it on speed dial in his cell phone so he can give it to him anytime. He's had some problems with that himself so he can help Artie out if he needs it.
Howard played the Blue Iris prank call that he played earlier today. He spent a minute talking about that and then read that North Korea had announced that they set off their nuclear bomb test. That led to the guys talking about that for a few minutes.
Howard had Lisa G get back to her Howard 100 News preview. She said that they heard that Artie is upset that SIRIUS wants to air his comedy show with Dice Clay live on the air. Artie said they are in negotiations at this time. He didn't know that they wanted to air it on the radio. Artie said that Tim Sabean didn't tell him he wanted to do that so he really had no idea. Tim came in and said that he had nothing to do with it, Dice was the one who put it all together.
Howard said he heard from Tim that Dice and Artie wanted to do the whole thing but he didn't arrange it. Artie said that Dice called him and said he wanted him to do another show with him and he agreed to it not knowing he wanted to do the live airing. Gary came in and said that Dice talked to him about it as well and he thought that Artie was in for it. Artie said that he's working on new material and this isn't the right time for him to air his stuff so he doesn't want to do it at this time. He said that in the future he might do it.
Howard said it seems that whenever he and Dice do something together it turns into a nightmare. Artie said that it was just a lack of communication. He said he has no problem if Dice wants to air his act, he's just not going to be airing his own stuff.
Lisa G let Howard know that the Killers of Comedy have added Jackie the Joke Man to the list of comedians who are going around the country touring (Levy called in later saying that wasn't true). They will also have a story about what Sal did on his birthday. Howard let her go after that.
Rev. Bob Levy called in and told Howard that Jackie never agreed to do those shows so he's not on the Killers of Comedy tour like Lisa G was reporting. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go.
Howard took another call from a guy who told Artie that he had better love the shit out of Blue Iris when he makes out with her on the show. Howard asked Artie what's going on with his love life. Artie said there's nothing going on and he hasn't gotten laid in quite a while now. Howard asked Gary when they're going to do the dating game for Artie. Gary said they have to talk about it today.
Gary said that Howard wanted to be part of the discussion because he doesn't trust his taste. Howard said that's right because he sometimes picks chicks that he thinks are hot and they end up looking like Blue Iris. Howard let the caller go and got back to JD who was still in the studio. He was laughing like a mental patient for some reason. JD told Howard to play some more of the Dr. Laura clips from Larry King's show. Dr. Laura told Larry about how she thinks women should be whores for their husbands.
Howard said that Fred said that some day JD is going to be up on a roof somewhere with a shot gun and his problem will be that the negotiators won't know what he's saying to them. He created that situation and made up the phone call that will go on between JD and a negotiator. He was mumbling like JD does and goofing on him for a few minutes.
Howard said he would like to ask Erica what she was so upset about and why she was crying. He had no idea that this was going to be the mind blowing interview of her day. Eric was still saying that he thinks Katherine McPhee would have the same reaction. Howard said she's probably got a better sense of humor than Erica does and she wouldn't leave there crying.
The guys talked about how Artie broke down and cried on the show recently as well. Howard played the Artie doing heroin song parody that he played earlier in the show. They goofed on him a little more and then Eric referenced a CSI Miami episode where Artie's name was on a death pool list. Howard thanked him for the call and hung up on him after that.
Bob was asking Artie what's going on with him and what his problem is. He was trying to ask him questions but he couldn't say much more than ''What's goin' on wit you?'' Artie wasn't able to talk to him with him talking to him face to face. Bob told Artie that he should be going to meetings to make sure he doesn't fall into the trap of drugs and alcohol. Bob said he goes to four AA meetings every week.
Bob told Artie that if he goes to the other meetings he will be a mess and AA is the right thing for him. Artie told him that he'll take his number and call him if he feels he needs his help. Bob wrote down his number and handed it over to him. Howard said he writes like a 4 year old after seeing the number written down.
Howard said he loves the prank call Bob made to the Chinese food place. He played that call after bringing it up. They all got a few laughs out of that. Howard replayed it to try and figure out what food Bob was trying to order during the call.
Howard played another call that Richard and Sal made using clips of Crackhead Bob. They called G. Gordon Liddy's show and had Bob talking to Liddy while he was over in Israel one time. There was also a Jack and Rod show that Sal and Richard did with Crackhead Bob where he asked an author questions and the guy had no idea what he was saying.
Howard took a call from Bong Hit Eric who asked if Bob was normal before the stroke. Bob said he was normal and he thought there was some tape of him back when he was normal. Gary asked him when he was normal. Bob said it was ''one, two, three and one'' so the guys figured that was when he was 31. No one was really sure though.
The guys wondered what Bob did for a living before he had this stroke. Bob said that it was ''Dugs'' which was really ''rugs'' and he was trying to say that he installed rugs. Howard talked about how Bob stroked out once on crack and it didn't knock him out completely so he went back and did it again until he stroked out a second time.
Howard gave Bob a plug for some appearances he's making at a place called Jugs and Strokers out on Long Island. Bob also talked about banging some old chick he as with. He is able to get laid even after the stroke. The woman was like 70 years old but he was getting laid.
Bob asked Howard if he could help him get some appearances. Howard didn't have any idea what he was talking about at first but after a second explanation Howard said that he would help him out if anyone wanted to book him to make appearances.
Bob asked Howard if he was going to bring in the women he brought with him today. Howard said that the women didn't know who he was and they didn't tell him to bring her with him. Bob said that it was ''womens'' but Gary said it was just one woman. Howard said he can't bore his audience with Bob's friends. Bob seemed to be a little upset about it so Howard let the guys bring her in so he wouldn't leave there crying like Erica Durance did.
The woman, Sophia, came in and said a quick hello. She said that she was there with Bob and got in a plug for the bar she works at, Jugs and Strokers, and claimed that her huge breasts were real. Howard didn't believe it so he asked her to show them. She wouldn't show them and said she would show pictures. She refused to show them and said that you can google her name, Sophia Arden, and find them yourself. Howard checked out some pictures of her and Gary said there's no way they're real. She swore they were though.
Sophia said that she's a teacher so she tries to behave herself. Howard checked out more pictures of her and said her boobs really don't look real. She said that her whole family is busty so they are real. Howard asked her if she would go out with Artie. She said she would so Howard tried to set the two of them up on a date. Artie sounded kind of interested but Howard didn't help when he said that Artie's boobs might be bigger than hers.
Sophia teaches kindergarten up in Harlem so Gary came in and said that she could whip her top off, no one is going to fire her if she works there and takes it off. Howard was still checking out her pictures and saying that she has a great body. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
During the commercial break Howard said that Artie had gotten Sophia's phone number. Artie said he will absolutely call her because the guys were thinking that he wasn't going to make that call. Artie insists that he will call her though because she says that she is into him and isn't being forced into dating him like Siobahn's daughter might be. That also led to a discussion about whether or not Howard will get married to Beth. Howard says he won't but he said if he did, Beth would be the one he would marry.
Howard read that under the bottle cap for a Sobe drink they have these little sayings that the put in there and one of them says ''It's better than rejuvenation'' which is one of Blue Iris' lines. He thought that was pretty funny.
Howard moved on to Steve Langford who had a Howard 100 News preview. He said they'll be talking about Jeff the Drunk's latest driver's license suspension. It was just recently taken away from him after a DUI that he was arrested for a few months ago. Artie said that Jeff has been calling him lately asking him to give him a call. He figures Jeff needs money. He mumbled ''What a jerkoff'' as he was talking about him.
Steve mentioned another story they'll be talking about. A woman is suing a police department because they used to show the Howard Stern Show in the department while she was at work. She's looking for $3.6 million in damages because she was subjected to the Stern Show.
Howard moved on to Jon Hein who said they'll be talking about Erica Durance leaving there crying on the Wrap Up Show. Howard asked Jon why he thinks she left. Jon thinks it was Richard and Sal's comments that drove her over the edge. He said they'll take some calls on that during the show. Howard said it's a tough room and he tried to get Richard and Sal out of there. He was trying to get something interesting going and she just didn't want to get into it even though she has talked about it in other interviews.
Jon said they'll also be talking about Artie having to make out with Blue Iris since the Yankees let him down and lost over the weekend. Howard interrupted and took a call from a guy who wanted to get into the studio on the day Artie does his Blue Iris thing. Howard said this guy could come and Gary said that maybe they could have 15 or 20 people in there for that show.
Howard got in a plug for the Miserable Men Show that's airing tonight on Howard 101. He then took a call from a guy who told Howard that the girls they were talking about from last week who got farted on were not 10s. He said the one chick was a 9 at the most, not a 10. Howard gave him that but still thought that she was very hot. Howard thanked Jon Hein for his report and let him go. He had Robin start her news after that.
Howard also brought up the Howard TV preview that's going on the first weekend in November. There's an article about it in the paper today and they make it seem like Howard is doing something horrible by releasing that on the public. Doug Goodstein came in and told Howard that they have some votes going on so people can pick their favorite moments to air on that weekend. You can find out more about that at Howard.tv/preview. It'll only cost you one penny to subscribe for it that weekend. Howard read the article that Robin was talking about.
Doug Goodstein also got in a plug for a documentary they're doing about the creator of the Sybian. Doug said the guy who invented it is apparently very interesting. They're going to visit his workshop which the guy is supposed to clean up for them. Doug said that they're going to ask him not to clean it up though. Howard talked about how the guy has a male Sybian machine which is actually called the Venus 2000 according to Mike Gange.
Howard read some e-mail during the news as well. He had some feedback about Richard and Sal's gay antics on the show. There was one guy who said he was going to complain about them until Chris Kanyon put them in their place and smacked them down during his appearance last week.
Howard took a break and when he came back he read a few more e-mails. He had some feedback about Robin. One guy said that she appears to have a strange look on her face when he sees any picture of her. Another writer talked about her skin color and how she appears to be darker now than she was at K-Rock. Robin said she got some sun this summer so that's probably why she looks so dark this year.
Howard had some e-mail feedback for Artie as well. There were a lot of people who were goofing on him about the Yankees loss this weekend. Artie seemed upset that he paid $14,000 for season tickets for his favorite team and they screwed him by losing.
The caller asked if Howard had any prizes to give away so Howard let him play a game for the money he had courtesy of the movie ''The Butterfly Effect 2.'' Gary came in with a game for the guy to play. Howard played some audio clips and the guy had to guess what Crackhead Bob was saying. He only gave him one chance. It was too easy though because it was too coherent. It was ''I told you not to be stupid you moron.'' The second clip wasn't as easy. Howard got it after a couple of plays. The caller was able to figure it out after Howard gave him a hint. It was Crazy Alice's famous ''Ariva Derci cocksucker.''
Howard awarded the guy his $500 and put him on hold. He read some more e-mail about Artie and then had Robin get back to her news.
Before the end of the show Howard mentioned that he had turned down a movie a couple of years ago and the movie came out and got bad reviews. He said that they said that the movie may have been better if someone else had played the part of the leading man. Howard said that's right, it would have been better if it was played by him. He said he didn't want to say what movie it was because he didn't want to embarrass anyone. He wouldn't even say if the movie was out right now or not.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show at around 10:55am.
Howard started off the show telling Artie about what he did last night. He met his oldest daughter and went out to a restaurant (Ayurveda Cafe) where they serve a certain type of Indian food. He said they don't have a menu, they just bring out food for you and it only cost the two of them $20 for lunch. He said he loved it. Artie wondered if it smelled like Curry. Howard said it didn't really smell and it was just really good.
Artie said that's the magic of New York City because these places are hidden around the city. Howard said his daughter is on a vegetarian kick right now but even she's not sure how long it's going to last.
Howard was hearing noises in the studio as Artie was talking. Robin was pretty sure it was her printer that he was hearing. Howard got back to his discussion about this restaurant he went to. He said they served water out of these special metal cups and even that was pretty cool.
Howard thinks he's a great dad because he went out of his way to bring his daughter to this restaurant. Robin said that he can't call himself a great dad, he has to wait for his kids to say that he's great. That led to Howard talking about how Mark Harris thinks that he's a great dad as well. So does Andy Dick. Howard and Artie spent a couple of minutes talking about Andy Dick's son and how he seems to be okay. Howard said that Andy has been calling him trying to find out what's going on with his Shit Show.
Tim Sabean is supposed to be handling Andy but he's probably very busy. Artie said that Tim has to handle guys like Riley Martin and Andy Dick. He said it would be insane if he had Riley on one line, Andy on another. Artie said he also has to handle Mutt and guys like that. He had some fun goofing on all of the people that Andy has to handle during the course of a day. He has to handle all of the radio show hosts, Richard and Sal, a crying Jessica Hahn and so many other things.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks Howard is a great Dad. He said his own father never took him out to dinner. Fred played the Mark Harris song ''I'm a Gay Papa'' that they've been playing for a couple of months. Mark sings about what a great father he is in the song. Howard said he likes how Mark sings about his neighbors complaining about his parties and how he thinks that they're just jealous of him.
Jessica Hahn called in and asked Howard where he got the idea for her crying. Howard told her he was just making it up, no one was talking about her crying. She said she just gets very emotional and does cry sometimes and she wondered if he heard something. Howard hadn't heard anything. He went back into the phone calls that Tim Sabean might take and threw in Riley Martin, Eric the Midget, Andy Dick, Scott Ferrall and Bubba the Love Sponge.
Howard talked about an article he read about women and how they will dress sexier when they are ovulating because they're looking for dudes. He said that's almost the tip-off that they're ovulating. Artie pointed out that Pam Anderson must be ovulating all the time then.
Howard read another article about how Barbra Streissand yelled at an audience member when he started heckling her on stage at one of her shows. She was going off on President Bush and the heckler gave her a hard time so she told him to shut up.
Howard brought up the news about Google purchasing YouTube.com for $1.6 billion and he's not sure how he feels about that YouTube thing because they steal video clips and post them on the web. YouTube doesn't put up any of their own content, they rely on people to post video and hope that no one sues them. Howard said he's going to be asking for his cut since there's so much Howard Stern content on there. Artie said there's a lot of his stuff up there as well and he thinks that they're going to be opening themselves up to a ton of lawsuits.
Howard said there's a picture of Oprah in the paper and she's wearing a huge green outfit that she uses when she works out. She looks like a pool table according to some.
Howard read another news story about a woman who used her young child as a weapon against her husband. He quickly went through that story and talked about how Mel Gibson is doing an interview with Diane Sawyer to explain his recent comments about the Jews.
One person thought that Erica may have made up the story about the nude parties and that's why she wasn't talking more about it when Howard asked her about it. Gary came in and said that might be true because Will did the pre-interview with her and she was very vague about the story and didn't seem to want to talk about it. Artie said that's what publicists will tell celebrities to do. They may have heard about some nude story and made her stretch it out to something more interesting.
Howard read some mail about Sal talking a little too much on the Wrap Up Show and making an ass out of himself. Gary said that Sal does seem to talk about stuff like he's an expert on it even though he's really not. Gary said one of the things that Sal says is ''Statistically speaking...'' when he doesn't actually have any statistics. That led to Howard playing some clips from The Wrap Up Show where Sal gave some of his thoughts on women and marriage.
In one clip Sal talks about what women and men want from a relationship and why it goes all wrong and causes divorce. Sal thinks that men want a woman who will wake up and give him a blow job, women want power and money. In another clip Sal talks about how women stop giving you sex the more the bills pile up. Then they turn into polar bears wearing jeans. Howard said it sounds like the Wrap Up Show has become the Sal Show lately.
Howard played one of Sal's song parodies where he sings about cracking his wife's skull and throwing her in the trash. He also sings about her demands from him and how he wants to wrap his hands around her fat neck until it snaps. He's got a lot of anger built up in that head of his.
The guys spent a minute talking about Sal and how the lyrics in that song are exact quotes from him about his wife off the air as well as in the song. They talked about him singing about his wife taking his shoes off and things like that. Howard said that Beth does the same thing to him and makes him take his shoes off. He's started doing that lately. Gary said he's been asked to do the same thing but he also has to go outside a lot so he likes to leave his shoes on.
Gary told Howard to play one of Sal's other song parodies. In that one Sal sings more about his love life and how awful it is to be married. Robin Suggested another song where Sal sings about snapping his wife's neck. Howard played one where he sings about a woman's smelly pussy. Artie was laughing and asking where Sal is recording that stuff. Gary said it's right down the hall in his office.
Gary told Howard he's got other clips from the Wrap Up Show to play. In one clip Sal talks about his ''Jew free day'' out picking apples with his family. That discussion led to Sal talking about any woman who converts to another religion is doing it just for the money. He brought up Ross and Melissa as an example and Ross ended up getting pissed and confronting Sal on the air. Howard played some Sal clips and said he loves hearing stuff like that. He said he likes Jon Hein as the host because he knows when to shut up and let these guys roll.
The caller asked to play a game with Crackhead Bob audio clips. He said he would do that and gave the guy a chance to guess what Crackhead Bob was saying. He had a chance to win $500 courtesy of ''The Butterfly Effect 2.'' He gave him a couple of easy ones and the guy was able to guess them very quickly.
The caller also asked Artie how the numbers are with his movie. Artie said he's not sure, he hasn't heard anything. He's guessing that it's like half a million or something. Howard said someone wrote in and said that the Yankees flopped even worse than Artie's movie. He read some other e-mail about the Yankees being jinxed by Artie and how he's got to make out with Blue Iris now.
The guys were talking about Blue Iris and how Artie wants her to get full tests to make sure she's completely clean before he'll make out with them. Howard read an e-mail where a guy said that Artie kissing Blue Iris is like Dana kissing Artie.
Howard read a couple more e-mails and then played a new bit that Sal and Richard created. They did a Jackson and Rodney show where they had a black guy on the phone and had Jackie the Joke Man audio clips so they could play a game with the caller. They had him doing his ''Give Rodney a chance'' joke and goofed on the caller they had on the line. The guy was giving correct answers to the questions he was being asked but they had Jackie telling him he was wrong. After playing that clip the guys talked about how bad Jackie's black impression was.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked about the Friday Show and if it's still going on because she heard that they have Mastertape Theater on there. Howard said it's still on but they will have both shows on Friday. He said that they have a 2 year plan going on and they have a lot of stuff coming up. He said that in 2007 they will have a history of The Howard Stern Show special where they will start from the beginning. He said they're going full speed ahead with that kind of stuff.
The woman on the phone asked if she could get in on the Artie kissing Blue Iris thing. Howard said he would let her in. He put her on hold so they could set her up.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who said that they have to get rid of Sal because he's going to end up wearing Howard's skin some day. He said his thoughts on Beth and Howard are really bizarre. Howard said Sal is weird because he e-mails Beth all the time and she seems to think that he's actually a really nice guy.
The caller asked if he could play the Crackhead Bob game so Howard let him play. He was going to have him do the best 2 out of 3 instead of just giving him one like the other player. Howard played the clip but it wasn't an easy one this time. It was actually very tough. The caller wasn't sure what it was. It was actually ''Holy Gazukas'' which was a clip of Howard from when he was a kid. The next one was ''I love you Johnnycakes'' which the guy guessed easily. The third and final clip was ''I'm getting myself hot'' which the caller was able to guess so he won the $500 prize.
Gary said that he had a great gig lined up but he lost it. He said Best Buy was going to set him up so he could show people technology gadgets and stuff but it turns out they wanted nothing to do with the show and dropped the deal.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that the perfect game for Howard would be a remake of You Bet Your Life. Howard said he really doesn't want to do a game show but it would be kind of cool to have a job where you don't have to do much of anything. He said he wants to be able to just say ''Deal or no deal'' or something like that.
The caller also brought up FOX news and talked to Howard about how they have an agenda and he really shouldn't be doing the ads for them. Howard said he watches the channel and has no problem with doing the commercial for them though.
That caller also brought up the show that Benjy did before they left K-Rock and how funny he thought it was. He thought it was very funny. Benjy said he didn't think he did a great job that day but he could get better if he kept doing it. The guy was also talking about how much of a mess President Bush has created and that got Howard and the guys talking about that and other presidents. Howard said it's embarrassing to this country what this guy has done. He went to break a short time after that.
Howard read the article about that woman and they said that she was given an early retirement and got more money than she would have because of that. Howard said some people luck out with stuff like that.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. She said that Siobahn was sitting out in the green room waiting to make out with someone. Howard told her he'd talk about that in a short time. Lisa said that they'll be comparing Artie's upcoming kiss with Blue Iris to High Pitch Mike's encounter with Siobahn.
Lisa also mentioned that Richard Christy has his own web site now (RichardChristy.com). Artie checked it out and said he had a bunch of pictures of himself up there. They played the Hillbilly Homo song parody about Richard and then had Lisa continue her preview.
Lisa finished up and said they're going to be talking to Howard TV camera man Greg Karmel in one of their segments.
Ronnie came in and said that he's got a bunch of people coming so he's not changing the party now. It's being held on a Thursday night at Scores so some people can't make it because they have to work the next morning. Sal is getting a hotel room in the city that night so he can make sure he goes.
When he heard that Sal was going to be at the party he backed out of it. Sal heard that and said that he wouldn't go if Howard didn't want him there. Howard thinks that Sal is too creepy and doesn't want to hang with him because he scares the shit out of him.
Sal said that he will stay in a separate room if he wants. Howard heard that Sal was going to bring a tape recorder to the party but Ronnie told him he can't come if he brings a recorder with him. Howard told Sal he would see him there... barely.
Dave said that he's seen Siobahn's fake vagina so he knows what he's in for. Howard asked Siobahn what she thinks of this guy. She wasn't sure yet because she just met him. She asked him what he's going to do to her. Dave wasn't sure and told her that this is kind of like a Jackass stunt for him. Siobahn asked Howard why they didn't set her up with Steve-O because he probably would have done her.
Robin noticed that Siobahn must have one of those Bedazzler things because she was wearing a sparkly babushka. Siobahn said she has to wear that to cover up her head since she's losing her hair. Siobahn said that she's getting older and that's working against her. Howard told her that she's a man with a fake vagina, that's what's working against her.
Howard asked Dave what she thinks of Siobahn. Dave thought he remembered seeing her sing a song on one of Howard's specials. The song he was thinking about was someone else though, not Siobahn. Howard had Siobahn show Dave her boobs and her third nipple. Dave didn't seem to be bothered by it at all. He said he once did a chick who weighed about 300 pounds and he wasn't attracted to her at all but he was still able to get it up.
Siobahn told Dave that the guy who tried to bang her before was unable to get it up and actually shriveled up. Dave told her that he's been dating a man for a long time now and he doesn't have a problem with him doing this because they're both looking at it like a Jackass stunt.
Howard told Siobahn that they were going to do this at her apartment but she said she didn't want to do that because the last time they were there, they traumatized her cats. Dave told her that he likes cats and has no problem with them. He said he's used to the smell of cat piss so it won't bother him at all.
Siobahn pulled down her pants to show Dave what her fake vagina looks like. She had quite a bush down there according to Howard. She was wearing a patch on her that she uses for arthritis. Dave asked her to turn around so he could check out her ass. Howard said her ass is a mess but Dave didn't seem to mind it at all. Dave said he thinks that he can bang that if they want him to.
Siobahn agreed to give this a try. Howard mentioned Dave's name but he asked to be called KDK instead because that's what he's known as on SternFanNetwork.com. Siobahn said that she's been addicted to that site lately and spends hours and hours on there.
Howard took some phone calls and one guy said that he was being grossed out hearing Siobahn. Howard said they were going to send them off to Siobahn's apartment. Benjy had a question for her though. He asked if she still has a prostate. She does and she claims that they plumbed her so she can still ejaculate and cum when she has sex. She said that she has had multiple orgasms before.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he knows KDK and he has a penis the size of a thimble. KDK said that he is average but not that small.
Siobahn said that her daughter was there so she wanted to bring her in. Howard had the guys bring her in. She was in the middle of eating pretzels from what they were saying. Her mouth was full and she was unable to finish chewing before she came in. Howard asked her if she would like to go out with Artie. Helene said that she just got out of a relationship and she's not interested in anyone right now. Siobahn was trying to hook her up with Artie but Artie didn't want to call her because he thought that she was being forced into it.
Helene said that she would go on a date with Artie but she's not looking to get into a relationship. Howard asked her what she thinks about this guy KDK having sex with her dad. She said she seems nice. Robin asked Siobahn about the tattoos she has on her body. She explained some of them and said that she knows they're not that good, it was a phase she was going through.
Siobahn was still trying to push her daughter on Artie but Artie didn't seem to be all that into it. He did agree to go on a lunch date with her though. Howard told Siobahn to head over to her apartment and report back to them when they get there. Gary said that they're sending Richard Christy down there to give them a play by play. Howard asked Dave what he owes to Zolar at this time. He said it's $1,700 but that will be forgiven if he can bang Siobahn.
Siobahn asked if she could have a job there so she could try out for a while and see if she'd be good enough to get paid. Howard asked her if she could be their vomit inducer. She said she would do anything. Howard said they really don't have anything for her though. He told her to concentrate on this thing with Dave instead.
Richard Christy came in and said that there's zero chance of him getting involved in this sex thing. He asked if he needs boots to walk around her apartment. Artie told him that Richard grew up in a barn... He didn't seem to understand why he was asking a question like that.
Howard asked to see what was going on on Siobahn's head. She took off her head cover and Howard sounded shocked. He told her to put that babushka back on and get out of there before this guy Dave headed for z hills. He wished them luck.
Howard took a couple of phone calls and let a few people talk about what was about to happen. Howard sent everyone on their way a short time later. He had to take a break after that.
Howard said that Bob freaked out after making the call because he was afraid that people were going to think he was gay. He played some audio of that. Sal and Richard had to calm Bob down telling him he wasn't going to be thought of as gay. Bob created a message where he said that he doesn't want people to think he's gay. Robin said that was the best. Howard replayed the hog phone call and then the disclaimer that Bob recorded where he insists that he's not gay.
Trump talked about Mark Cuban for a short time and said he's one of those guys who will just never be a winner. He said that the guy has tried to copy his Apprentice show and that failed. He was also out saying that Trump puts out too many products with his name on it. Trump said that guy always brings up his name when he's doing interviews and that's kind of like Martha Stewart blaming him for her show failing.
Trump was on Larry King the other night so Howard talked about how he had some interesting stuff to say. Howard said that he doesn't find Angelina Jolie to be attractive and he doesn't like the way she treats her father Jon Voight. He went off on her a little bit and said that he'd give her a solid 5 on a scale of 10. He said her skin is bad, her lips are okay but she's not all that beautiful. He said that when he saw her lip locked with her brother and pictured with Billy Bob Thornton, he's just not a fan of hers. He said he doesn't get why Brad Pitt is all that he's hyped up to be and he's not even sure he's that good looking. He said he's okay looking but he's no Carry Grant according to Trump.
Trump said that he saw an interview years ago where Brian Williams did an interview with Angelina Jolie and she was defending her relationship with Billy Bob Thornton and making it seem like she would never break up with him. A couple of weeks later she caught him cheating on her. He said that was a great interview.
Howard asked Trump what he thought about Jennifer Aniston. He gave her a 6 or 7 rating. He also said that Princess Diana was close to a 10 in his opinion. He said that the most beautiful women are not famous. Howard agreed with him there.
Howard asked Trump how Melania is doing but Trump wasn't done talking about the most beautiful women in the world and how they're not famous. Howard invited Trump to go to Scores with them on Thursday night but he said he probably could go but he would have to pay a big price with his wife Melania.
Howard asked Trump what he thinks about this Katie Couric thing. Trump went through the history of CBS news and how bad Dan Rather was. He said that he was hired by Mark Cuban when he was working there. He said he wishes Katie luck because she's a friend but he has seen that she's not doing all that well with the ratings.
Howard said that he thinks that Mark Cuban may be jealous of Donald because there are not that many famous real estate developers. Trump is the exception. He's become a household name while others have not. That could be why someone like Mark Cuban is jealous of him.
Trump was saying that he thinks Robin is a two faced person and she always says stuff about him behind his back. Robin defended herself and said that she has never said anything about him behind his back that she hasn't said to his face. He told her not to get so upset and that he didn't mind it.
Howard asked Trump about his daughter dating Lance Armstrong. Trump said that's not what he pictured for her and he's not sure she likes him in that way anyway. He said that Lance does call her a lot and he has to protect his kids. He wants her to be with someone close to her age, not like the way her father dates younger women. Howard asked him if he would disown her if she dated Mark Cuban. Trump said there's little chance of that happening because he is not a handsome man and she likes handsome men.
Trump and Howard talked about the mess of a war we have going on in Iraq and how it's turning out to be a bigger disaster than Viet Nam. Trump said that the Iraq war is making the Viet Nam war look like a good thing. Howard asked Trump if he would rather his daughter date Mark Cuban or Wesley Snipes. Trump said that he things Wesley Snipes is a much better looking man. He would also rather her date Howard over Mark Cuban.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Trump why he got rid of Carolyn. Trump said she just wasn't doing her job. He said he needs people who are willing to work their day job. He said that they all became stars and she may have enjoyed that stardom more than her job.
Robin said that she didn't know why Trump was mad at her. He said that it was because she was defending Martha Stewart when she was blaming Trump for her failure. The two of them went back and forth on that for a short time. Trump said that he didn't want Martha to do the Apprentice thing, it was NBC and Mark Burnett that wanted her in there. He wasn't surprised when it failed.
Howard said Trump's daughter is looking better than ever these days. He asked him if she got breast implants. Trump said ''no'' and she has always been voluptuous. He said that she's an amazing beauty and she's got a lot of things going for her.
Howard gave Donald a plug for his book ''Why We Want You to be Rich: Two Men - One Message.'' Trump got his co-author Robert Kiyosaki on the phone to talk about it with him. Trump went through the book a little bit. Howard asked Trump if he thinks he could still be banging 24 year olds. Trump said that would be no problem. He just turned 60 years old and he thinks that he could still get 24 year olds. Howard told him he thinks that he's got one more marriage in him. Trump said that he doesn't think that he'll be doing that and his wife won't be thrilled to hear what Howard had to say.
Trump said that his son had just walked in his studio so he told him who he was on the phone with. Trump said the book just came out yesterday and it's already gone to number one. He published the book himself. He said you only do that if you are going to have a huge hit book or one that isn't going to sell at all. They've gone out with a million copies already.
Howard asked Trump what he thinks he would do with North Korea if he were President. Trump said he would be much tougher than he thinks. He would do more than send Condoleeza Rice over there to discuss it. Howard asked Trump who he thinks will be the next president but Trump didn't want to say. He would say that he thinks Rudy Giuliani is a very capable man though. He said he hopes that it's John McCain and Rudy against Hillary Clinton. He said he thinks that a woman could be president and she wouldn't do any worse than President Bush has done so far.
Howard asked Trump who he thinks is the most beautiful woman on the planet. Trump wouldn't say because he's afraid people will print that he's having an affair. He also didn't want to insult anyone. Howard told him to sit down and come up with a list so they can talk about it some other time.
Howard gave Trump another plug for his book and then wrapped up with him a short time later. He had to go to break after that.
Howard read that David Letterman tried to sign him for a deal one time. Jay said he met with Letterman and some of his production guys. He said that this guy Rob Burnett from Letterman's show was there and he had some chick there in his hotel room and he just thought he was a sleaze bag.
After the meeting Jay said they waited for the call from them but they never heard back. Then they heard from Les Moonves that they had already had Jay at their network and he had been given a chance. Jay said they figured that was it since no one was calling. He said he got a deal over at the WB around that time and it turned out to be one shitty show after another. Jay started missing radio after that so he went back into it.
Jay said that Letterman never called him personally to let him know what was going on with the deal so he said he was never going to do his show anymore. Jay has gone back and he does one show a year where he throws a football with Dave. Jay said that's the one big thing he does on that show, he throws a football at a meatball on a pizza that's on the top of the tree. Jay said that he once ran out on stage and threw the ball and hit the pizza so they've invited him back every year since then.
Jay said that Dave did call him eventually after he stopped doing his show. Jay said Dave told him he wasn't calling to get him to come back on the show. Jay said he knew that was the exact reason he was calling. He said that the call was very awkward and he only knows Dave from sitting in that seat of his. Howard said he had Dave calling him for a few weeks years ago but it was always awkward and uncomfortable and never funny. He said he did have some dialog with the guy but it didn't last long because it was so awkward.
Howard said that he doesn't have a rap off the air while other people, like Jay, have the ability to do that. Jay said that he has no desire to sit and talk to Howard off the air. He would much rather hang out with someone like Artie. They could watch a football game or something like that. Artie said that sports are a great way to break the ice with someone if they're also into sports.
Howard said that he hangs out with people like Jimmy Kimmel. They go fishing and stuff. He said that they actually went fishing quite a bit this past summer when they were hanging out. Artie said he can talk to Jimmy about sports too. He said that he and Howard can talk about stuff and have a good time as well.
Howard got back to Jay and asked him about the call that Dave made to him making up for not calling him during the show deal thing. Jay said that it was very much like what Howard was saying about Dave. It was uncomfortable for him but he made a joke about how that whole deal was bad for his putting. He said he had to explain the joke to Dave because he didn't seem to understand it. He said it was a nightmare.
Jay told Howard how Letterman will talk to him in the breaks and tell him how awful the audience is or how much he hates his job. He said he's not sure why he tells him this stuff in the breaks. The guy is miserable but he won't talk about that on the air. He wondered if Dave would hear this discussion. Howard said that no one hears the show.
Howard reenacted what it's like when he talks to Dave during the breaks with Dave. He has to yell because the music is being played. He had Fred playing music really loud and he reenacted a conversation between him and Dave. Jay got in on that as well and told Howard some of the stuff they've talked about with the music blasting.
Jay said that he still goes out and tries to get acting jobs. He said people won't hire him. He told Howard about some of the jobs he's auditioned for and they just blow. He said he has played some costumed characters in movies and TV shows and it's not all that terrible. He told Howard about playing the part of an Easter Bunny in one show and how he goofed on Anne Margaret on the set of this movie while he was in costume. He said that Alan Arkin got upset with him for doing that. He said the guy is a great actor but he's miserable.
Jay said he's going to one of these autograph signing conventions next week. He's talked a little bit about that and then Gary came in and said that he heard that Jay has to show up with like $100 in ten dollar bills to make change for the autographs he has to sign. Jay ended up spitting out the water he was drinking and choked on it when he heard that.
Jay said his wife was asking him why he's putting himself through one of those conventions. He said it's possible that no one will come to his booth at all. He's going to be there as his character from Mork and Mindy, Cheers, Murphy Brown and Mr. Holland's Opus. He figures people will all pock the character they want the autograph from. He told the guys that he'll have 4 or 5 different shots to choose from.
Jay said he heard that Val Kilmer did one of these events and signed $5,000 worth of pictures and then split. Howard wondered why he would go through something like that. Howard said that Butch Patrick does stuff like that as well. Jay said he doesn't really even need the money so he's not sure why he's putting himself through this. He said it might be fun to put two grand in his pocket.
Jay said that he's hoping that they post the price of the head shots so he doesn't have to tell the people how much he's charging. He talked about how he's always trying new things and trying to create new shows for TV and stuff. He said radio gives him a place to go and work so he likes that.
Gary came in and told Howard that he had Richard Christy on the phone who said that they're at Siobahn's apartment and Dave (KDK) was washing his penis to prepare for the banging. Richard told Howard he as at Siobahn's house of horrors and there were tons of cats there. He said that KDK was washing his penis and Siobahn was using her stint to open up her fake vagina.
Howard told Richard he was going to wrap up with Jay and then take a break before getting to the KDK and Siobahn thing. He told Richard to tell them not to do anything yet. Jay didn't want to hear that stuff so Howard spent a few more minutes with him.
Howard took a call from a guy who gave Jay a ''Wah!'' for his acting career having washed up. Jay wondered what's up with his audience because they seem to be very angry people. Howard said they're all angry because they don't like people.
Another caller asked Jay if he still gets it up for his wife Rhea Perlman. Jay told him to get in line next week at the convention and he'll answer the question there. Jay said he's going to bring a tape recorder to the event and record some of the conversations. He was also saying that he might tell people that he'll charge just $18 per photo instead of $25 so he can get more people over to his booth.
Howard took a call from a guy who wondered who the hell Jay Thomas was. The caller didn't recognize him but said he was a good guest. Howard helped Jay out and said that he's been on radio a long time. He was also on some TV shows. Artie said that Jay was on Cheers when Cheers was getting like a 50 rating. That led to them talking about how his character got killed off on the show in a Zamboni accident. Jay said that the real reason he got killed off was because he pissed off Rhea Perlman. He said he knows that she was upset with him and was bad mouthing him to the other people on the show. He lucked out and got on Murphy Brown after he lost his job on Cheers.
Howard wrapped up with Jay and thanked him for coming in. Jay said that he's glad that they've gotten their dislike for each other out of the way over the years. Howard said he never had a problem with Jay, Jay had a problem with him because he took his job in the mornings at K-Rock back in 1996. Jay remembered that's why he disliked him but he is over it because he will never get up early in the morning again. They went to break a short time later.
Siobahn told Howard that she has to loosen herself up with her stint and a dildo. She said she uses Lilly of the Desert aloe jelly to lube herself up. She went into the bedroom to where this guy KDK was at. Siobahn was totally nude and KDK was laying on the bed fully erect according to Richard. Howard got KDK on the phone and he said he was ready to go. He said it had better happen right away though. There was some laughter and yelling going on in the background. KDK said that it did feel like a woman and it was very tight. Richard was about to puke in the background.
Richard was dry heaving like crazy as he was watching. He said it was the craziest thing he's ever seen. Siobahn got back on the phone but KDK lost his erection like a tire going flat. Richard got back on the phone and said that KDK was in there but when he came out he lost it. Richard said that KDK said it was because he was talking on the phone. Siobahn said that it felt really good while it was going on. She said that he wasn't all that big and it was a perfect size for her. She said she was on top of him at first but KDK wanted her to get on her back.
Howard had KDK on another line so he asked him what happened. He said that he was doing it but Siobahn's legs bothered her so she got off. KDK also said that it didn't feel like a vagina, it felt like a wound or maybe an ear or something. Siobahn insisted that it feels like a real vagina but KDK didn't agree.
KDK said that he has been with women before and the wound doesn't grab like a real vagina can. Siobahn said that he has to be lying because he was saying it felt like a woman when he was banging her. Siobahn said that her knees were hurting so she had to get off of him at one point. That's why the erection went away. She said that she likes the feel of a real cock though. She liked the way the head felt inside of her.
Howard wrapped up and Artie said that he was going to throw up from this. Howard told Siobahn did lose her virginity even if she didn't finish with the guy. KDK claimed that he was pissing in Siobahn's bathtub so she got pissed at that. Artie said that was just gross. Howard let Siobahn and KDK go and then took some phone calls. One guy said it was the nastiest shit he's ever heard. He was amazed that Siobahn couldn't believe that fake vagina didn't feel real.
Howard said that show should be good when it hits Howard TV. He wanted to talk to Richard but he had hung up on him. He asked Gary to try and get him back on but Gary wasn't in his office.
Howard had Richard on the phone and he said that he just puked in a cat bowl and it was the most disturbing thing he's ever seen. He said he saw the remnants of Siobahn's balls touching the other guy's balls and it was very disturbing. He had to give KDK a hand for actually going through with it though. Howard thanked him for the report and let him go.
Steve Langford wrapped up his preview so Howard moved on to Jon Hein who gave a preview for his Wrap Up Show. He mentioned the guests that Howard had on the show today and how they'll be talking about all of them. They will also talk about Siobahn's lost virginity. Howard threw in a plug for Jackie's Joke Hunt which airs tonight on Howard 101 at 7pm. He had Robin start her news after that.
Robin got to her news and went through a bunch of stories. She wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:45am.
Howard said that they were just talking about how the world has changed since the 1980s. He said he brought up the VCR and fax machines and how that's all you really had to do back then was fax. Now it's e-mail. He said it's amazing now that Dan the Song Parody Man can record a song at home and e-mail it to him and he has it within seconds. Robin said that VCRs have been replaced by recordable DVDs and things like that.
Howard said he was playing chess against a guy last night and he took a loss even though the guy offered him a draw. He also talked about watching Dancing with the Stars last night. He talked about Jerry Springer and Emmett Smith dancing on the show. He said that Jerry was actually pretty good.
Howard said that they were saying on the show that Willa Ford is a rock star even though he's never heard of her. He talked about how she's apparently fallen in love with her dance partner and they're walking on the beach together. He said they'll probably break up after the show ends though. The guys talked about Mario Lopez rubbing down his partner as well. Artie said people might goof on Mario Lopez but he would sure love to be that guy.
Robin said she didn't watch the whole show, she was flipping through the channels and just caught some of it. She refuses to record it on her TiVo. Howard told her about Jerry Springer doing his dance and how it was actually pretty well done. He said that he's pretending to be someone other than what you see on his own TV show and he doesn't believe that's who the guy is. Artie said that those guys have to find moves to do so they don't look like fools on that show.
The guys changed subjects and ended up talking about baseball. Artie was saying he's a fan of Willie Randolph so he'd like to see him do well. He's still not a fan of the Mets though. Howard read an article about the Mets where the writer goofed on them even though they've gone farther in the playoffs than the Yankees did. Howard said it's ridiculous that the Yankee fans can't let that go. Their team made it into the playoffs and lost. It's not that big of a deal.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who asked Howard to put Howard TV on the internet so the fans who have satellite can watch the shows. Howard said that would be a good idea but he's not sure what's holding them back from doing that. He said he got a note from Doug Goodstein from Howard TV who told him how great the Siobahn documentary is going to be.
The caller told Howard that he has a lot of friends who have satellite and would love to see his TV shows. He also told Howard that he used to not be able to stand Robin on terrestrial radio but he can stand her now on satellite. He wasn't sure what it was about her that he couldn't stand though.
Gary came in and told Howard that he was in the Howard TV control room watching the Siobahn thing and he might want to check it out.
Artie told a story about his father getting put up on counterfeiting charges many years ago. He said that he got involved with some guys who had him holding onto hundreds of thousands of counterfeit money. They were living in a tiny apartment and got raided by the FBI. This was before Artie was born but his mother was pregnant. The FBI came in and arrested his father. His father didn't give up the guys he was holding the money for though.
Artie said his father refused to tell anyone who it was. His father got bailed out and in the middle of all of that Artie was born. He said his father's lawyer defended him and it looked like it was going to be 5-10 years of prison for him. The lawyer suggested that they bring the baby to court. They did that and his mother held him up to the Jury and when she did that, Artie gave a little smile right on cue. That led to the Jury letting his father off and giving him a Not Guilty verdict.
Artie said his father was only part Italian and he never got into the mob or anything but he did have a brush with them. Artie said he found all of this out before his father died so he did bring it up at one point asking his father if he knew what he had done for him. Artie said his life would have been much different if his father had ended up in jail.
Artie said that guy went a lot farther than he expected he would. Howard said that Siobahn's back still looks like a man's back but he's got boobs. He said he couldn't not watch it though because it's such a freak show.
Artie told Howard about a picture of Scarlet Johansen that was in the newspaper this morning. Howard said she does look hot there. Robin said they talk about how she enjoys having sex in the article too. She read that she had sex with Benicio Deltorro in an elevator somewhere one time.
Howard brought up a story about this guy who created the web site Fandango.com and how he and his wife were killed when the were involved in a car crash. He said that their baby was saved because it was in a car seat. In the article they said that this is the fourth accident at that particular intersection and he can't understand why they don't do something about places like that. Howard said they're investigating why the other guy didn't stop and slammed into them head on. Howard said that it's a shame that they lost a brilliant web guy and his neuro scientist wife.
Howard read another story about the Dr. Phil show and how they're causing an uproar in a neighborhood because they're trying to fix a family for his show. He read that article and talked about how annoying it is when they do something like that. They apparently ripped down a 10 foot section of hedge so they could install a portable toilet for some 600 pound guy who couldn't get into the bathroom in the house.
KDK said that Zolar took off with the Viagra that he was supposed to take yesterday so he was pissed at him as well. Howard said that Zolar did produce him for the bit. He also said that he never owed any money to Zolar, that was just an angle that Zolar came up with to get himself up to the studios.
Howard said this guy will go down in history as the guy who banged Siobahn. He let him get in a plug for his web site KDKPrankCalls.com and for PCRadio.com.
One of the guys rambled on about how he just wanted to be like a ''big brother'' to the 13 year old. Another did admit that he was an idiot for driving there and how he had made a mistake. The guys talked about how everyone in that show is creepy, even the reporter who is confronting these guys.
Gary said that they've been promoting that they're doing this type of show next month and they're going to feature a guy they already caught once. Howard played another clip from the show where they talk about the guy's screenname. That led to the guys talking about screennames and how lame they usually are. Howard said that Dee Snider is actually very good at coming up with cool screennames. Gary said that Richard once gave him a name that was Carlos Labonga. Howard said that JD's was DABA which stands for ''Da Bad Ass.'' Howard goofed on JD about that for a short time. Gary said that there's some chick out there thinking that JD is some big guy who is a bad ass but it's actually JD. Howard said that's some alter-ego for JD.
Howard played more of the Dateline show clips and one guy claimed that his friend was typing on his computer and it wasn't his IM conversation. The host, Chris Hanson, knows the details of the conversations he had so he tells him he knows it couldn't have been someone else. The guy asks him who he is and where he's from. Howard said he always tells his kids not to chat on the internet and this is just one reason not to.
Gary said that he remembers when Howard was chatting many years ago on Prodigy and blew a load while chatting with a guy pretending to be a girl. Howard said he's pretty sure the guy knew he was talking to Howard Stern too. He thought he was chatting with the guy's wife but it turned out to be the dude. Howard said that they may have to put the Howard 100 News team on this kind of story and catch their own creeps. They talked about how they could send Steve Langford out to do that for them. Either that or send Penny Crone out as the 13 year old. Artie said that when the guy says that Penny said she was 13, she could respond ''No, I said I was born in 1913...''
Howard played one more clip where this guy gets caught for the second time by the Dateline people. The guy gives them an ''Oops!'' when he's confronted for the second time. Howard took a call from Gay Ramone who said that they caught a Rabbi on that show who was trying to meet up with a 14 year old boy. Howard wondered if the guy was using 'GayRabbi'' as his screenname. He said he might have to take that one for himself.
Howard played an audio clip of an interview Stephen Baldwin did with Matt Lauer where he was relating religion to the Abbot and Costello ''Who's on First'' bit. Howard said this sounds like something that Stephen got into just so he could get back on the Today show. Baldwin has been suggesting that Bono from U2 preach the gospel during his shows instead of trying to raise money for third world relief. Howard said that Bono is actually doing something for the world while Stephen isn't.
Howard wondered how Baldwin became such an expert all of a sudden. He said they have to talk to Alec about that when he comes in. Howard had another clip where Daniel Baldwin talks about his brother helping him out and pointing him in the right direction. Howard spent a minute on that but had to take a break a short time later. He mentioned that they have a guy coming in with the Dustin Diamond (Screech) sex tape. They will be watching the tape where Screech gives a chick a ''Dirty Sanchez.'' Howard thought that a Dirty Sanchez was when a guy puts his penis in a chick's ass and wipe it on her face giving her a shit moustache. He heard that Screech takes his finger, puts it in the chick's backside, wipes it on his dick and then wipes it on her face. Fred said that might actually be a ''nasty Sanchez.'' Howard said they'll figure that out after the break.
Howard had Fred playing some of the best songs off of their album Exile on Main Street. He picked one of the songs as his favorite but Robin said that wasn't one of their best.
Howard moved on to their guest David Hans Schmidt who is known as the Sultan of Sleeze because he releases celebrity sex tapes. He was involved with the Colin Farrell sex tape scandal and ended up losing the ability to release the tape. David told Howard they have a Paris Hilton tape that they want to release where she's done just about everything but murder in that one.
David was also the one who negotiated the deal to release the OJ Simpson sex tape. He said that one is still available through BadOJ.com. He was also involved with the Tonya Harding honeymoon video. He said that was a great one for him and he made a lot of money on that deal. He also arranged for Paula Jones to appear nude in a mens magazine. There were also some nude pictures of Jaime Foxx that he was going to release but he ended up giving them back to his management. He said he negotiated the deal to keep them out of the public eye. He said there were pictures of him nude and shooting loads over a couple of white chick's butts.
David said that he was sent to jail for a while after he violated a restraining order down in Arizona. He said he was supposed to call between the hours of 6 and 8pm and he ended up calling them at 8:15 and got into some trouble. He said that he's allowed to see his kids under limited conditions. He ended up getting 2 1/2 years in prison for that restraining order violation. He said his ex-wife keeps changing her number so it's not easy for him to keep in touch with the kids. He said he would like to have more visitation than he has now so he put the word out to the judge in the case.
Howard said that David brought them something brand new. It has been referred to as the ''Screech video'' in the press. Dustin Diamond, AKA Screech, made a sex tape and it got into David's hands somehow. David said that he had this idea to do a sex tape and at 9:30 last week, he came to an agreement with a distribution company and they had to have Dustin's signature to release the tape... and that has been done. Howard asked if Screech has a big penis like he claimed he did when he was on the show. David said it is pretty big and you ask yourself if it's a penis or a telephone pole.
Howard asked David if it's a Dirty Sanchez or a Nasty Sanchez. David said that he was told that it was a Dirty Sanchez and they went to some college kids and found out that it is a Dirty Sanchez. Howard said they were going to put this up on the screen so everyone in the studio could see the Dirty Sanchez part. Howard said that Screech's penis is very big even when he's flaccid. They showed some of Screech banging and the girls were pretty cute according to Howard. There were some shots of a couple of girls sticking a double dong dildo in their asses.
Gary was controlling the video and forwarded it to the Dirty Sanchez part. They could see his finger going in the girl's ass and she didn't seem to enjoy it much. Then Screech wipes his finger across her upper lip and gives her the Dirty Sanchez. David got in a couple of plugs and said that you can purchase the tape from ClubRedLight.com.
Howard let David go and didn't want to shake his hand as he was leaving. Before he left he was saying that they expect to sell about 250,000 copies of this tape. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said that Alec seems to have a good sense of humor about himself and about his family. They've been goofed on by the guys from South Park and in Team America. Alec said he was willing to do his own voice for the movie. He also said that he just saw the movie recently and it was actually very funny.
Howard spent some time talking about how the NY Post seems to go after the Baldwin family. Alec said that it's usually when Richard Johnson is on vacation though because he kind of made up with Richard. Howard told Alec about how he got raked over the coals for not showing up to Gary's father's funeral when it wasn't that big of a deal to Gary because he knew that it was beyond his control.
Howard talked to Alec about his divorce from Kim Basinger and how that's been going. Alec said that there are things that go on in the court system that work against people who are trying to do the right thing. He said that if someone goes against the court they should be considered in contempt but the court won't charge the person with those charges, it's up to him to file a complaint and enforce the law himself. He also has to pay for it.
Alec said that he doesn't hate his ex-wife, he's over all of that now. The guys talked about how much Alec helped Kim out years ago when she got into some trouble after she bought a town down in Georgia.
Howard said that he saw Kim on a plane years ago on a plane and he thinks that Alec got out of the marriage at just the right time. They were still on the subject of Kim and their daughter so Alec told Howard about some of the stuff he's gone through going to court trying to deal with Kim.
Howard said he heard that Alec wasn't getting laid these days but Alec said that's not true and he had a phone number for him to call today that will prove it. Howard wondered if it was Jennifer Love Hewitt. Alec laughed and said that he always does that to him and he didn't bang her. Howard had Gary call the number that Alec gave him so they could get this woman on the phone.
Alec told Howard he has SIRIUS and loves it. He's friends with Ralph Howard from Howard 100 News and he hooked him up with the radio. Howard asked Alec if it was true that he went on a date with Cindy Crawford. Alec said he wasn't going to talk about that. JD then came in and told him he had a clip of Cindy talking about their date on Oprah's show.
Gary came in and told Howard they had Alec's girlfriend on the phone. It was Nicole Seidel but Howard didn't seem to know who she was. Alec told him that she's a lawyer, not an actress, and they've been pictured together and in the news. Howard asked if her breasts were real or not. Alec said they are real. Nicole is Asian so Howard asked Alec if he's been with any other Asian women. Alec couldn't answer the question seriously so Howard changed subjects and told him that he loved the movie he did called The Shadow.
Gary told Howard that Nicole was up at SIRIUS the other day and they were introducing her as Alec Baldwin's ex-girlfriend so he wasn't sure what was going on there. Howard asked her what went wrong there with their relationship. Nicole said that she doesn't think that she's lost him. Howard started asking her some questions about what she was wearing and how much she weighs. She didn't want to say what she weighed so Alec told him that she weighs whatever his perfect weight is.
Howard said he heard that Nicole and Alec broke up because they were embarrassed by Stephen Baldwin's religious stuff. He said he knew he wasn't going to get anything out of Nicole so he told her to get dressed and go to work. Howard was handed an article about Alec and Nicole's break up so he read a little bit of that. Alec said that article was from a while ago and he was under a lot of pressure back then.
Alec said that his priest told him that he should have a baby with her to keep the relationship going. The Priest didn't even want them to get married.
Howard asked Alec about his family and if he's getting along with his brothers. Alec said that they're all doing fine and they are all getting along. They got together this summer when they all just happened to be in the same area at the same time.
Howard said that Alec is in the movie ''The Departed'' and talked about that for a short time. Howard hasn't seen the movie but Robin did. She asked him what it was like working on the movie and Alec said it's great to be able to work with ''Marty'' Scorsese. He said he hasn't seen the movie himself because he doesn't like to see himself on screen. He has heard some great feedback about the movie though and he is looking forward to seeing it some day.
Howard asked Alec if he's got any other movies lined up. Alec said he's going to be playing Annette Benning's husband in a new movie. Howard asked Alec some sex questions after that. He asked him if he uses condoms at all. Alec mumbled that he doesn't like using them. Howard said he actually prefers a condom because he doesn't like contact and he's germphobic.
Howard asked Alec to reveal some movies that he's turned down that turned out to be bad movies. Alec didn't want to reveal any names of movies but did say he was glad he turned some down. They spent some time talking about that and then Alec told Howard he's going to miss seeing them, he doesn't get in there enough. Howard and Robin told him to come visit more often then.
Howard told Alec about Erica Durance's visit earlier in the week and how she walked out of their crying after the interview. He asked Alec if he would be comfortable going to a nude party at someone's house like this Erica Durance apparently does. Alec said he wouldn't want to do that and he would probably appear nude in a movie but he would ask to have his penis enlarged with special effects.
Howard said that Alec got good reviews for the TV show ''30 Rock.'' He read the article where they gave him 4 stars out of four. Howard took some phone calls after that and after Bong Hit Eric asked him what it was like the first time he banged Kim Basinger, Alec was ready to get up and leave. Howard let Eric go and then took a call from Ralph Cirella who told Alec he saw ''30 Rock'' and thought it was very good. He said that Alec steals the show. Howard wrapped up a short time later.
Howard moved on to WWE wrestler John Cena who was huge. He asked John if he fears any men out on the street. John said he really doesn't. Robin said that he's massive but he's not out of proportion. John said he started working out when he was 12 years old because he was getting beat up every day. He said it was like a comic book story come true. He said he started seeing results right away and he's stuck with it ever since. Howard said that he works out but he doesn't see many results at all. He's still skinny and has a belly. Howard told John that he used to get beat up all the time in school but he turned to drugs instead of working out.
Howard brought up this new movie that John is in called ''The Marine'' (TheMarineMovie.com) and wondered if he's going to leave wrestling if the movie does well. John said he doesn't want to leave wrestling like The Rock did. He said that The Rock may be trying to be taken much more seriously so that may be why he left. He has no problem with that but he has no plans on doing that himself.
Howard asked John if Vince McMahon has a cut of this movie. John said he does but he also has no problem with that because Vince is the one who made him what he is today. He said that Vince owns the name John Cena and Vince owns the intellectual property rights to that name. It's his real name too so it's a very strange concept. John said that when he does leave wrestling, he'll have to find another identity.
Howard asked John how many chicks he's banged at once. John said there was one time when there were six other girls but he couldn't handle them all at one time. Howard asked him about his best sex experience. John said he was in a ratty strip club in Kentucky and two women went home with him. He said the girls just knew what to do and it was very entertaining for him. He said he doesn't go in the back door on women but they did every possible position he wanted. He said they may have been faking it but they were enjoying it.
John said that he will bang a lot of chicks and they don't have to be skinny. He said he banged a chick who was about 280 pounds. He said it was actually a challenge put out to him from the other guys. He said that the guys were busting his chops so he went for it and had a great night. He said the lights were on and it was a great experience. Howard asked if he had to pull up the flaps of skin to get in there. John said you do have to know your way around with someone like that. He said he would even fuck Star Jones if he had the chance.
Howard asked John if this is a good life for him. John said that it really is and he doesn't have a family that he has to go home to. He just goes home to his own house about once or twice a month. Howard asked him about Chris Kanyon and what he thinks about his comments about Vince possibly being a homophobe. John said that Chris didn't come out until after he left the WWE and he just wasn't very good. John said you have to be able to entertain the people and Chris just wasn't good at it. John said he doesn't care if Chris is gay or not, he just didn't think he was a good entertainer.
John said he's very happy where he is now. He said he'd love to be able to do this stuff forever. Howard asked him what it is that makes him a good entertainer. John said he's no afraid to make an ass out of himself like some guys are. He's willing to do some degrading things and he once had to eat soap. He also had to go on the Howard Stern Show and admit he sleeps with fat chicks. Howard asked John if he went down on the fat chick. John said he didn't but it wasn't that he didn't want to, it just didn't come up while they were doing it.
Howard got in another plug for The Marine and asked John about the movie. John told Howard what the movie is about and said that the woman who plays his wife,Kelly Carlson, is really hot. Howard asked him if he banged her. John said that someone else got to her before he did so he didn't get her.
Howard asked if there was any nudity in the movie. John said that it's PG-13 so there is no nudity. Kelly does appear in a wet t-shirt but that's it and it's at the end of the movie. John said he's hoping for number one at the box office but they're up against a lot of big movies. Artie told him that there's also a movie out where a guy drinks horse jizz... That would be Jackass 2.
Howard took some phone calls for John. One woman said that her heart was pounding because she got to speak to John. She said she met John about a year or two ago at a mall and he was so awesome. She said that he seems to be sincere in a world of false entertainers. She works with kids and they all love this guy.
Eric the Midget called in so Howard goofed on him a little bit before putting him on. He asked Eric what he wanted to say to the man of his dreams. Eric wasn't saying much so Howard figured he was speechless like a girl. He told him to go ahead and try to seduce him. Eric didn't have much to say to John. Then his phone was ringing so he had to handle that. Eric then said he had a question for him but the guys didn't let him get it out. Eric asked John a question about a wrestling match he saw last night and wondered if there were really some nude wrestlers on the show he saw last night. It was during an ECW match. John said he didn't get to see it so he's not sure.
Howard went into his Eric impression and goofed on him some more. Fred was doing his impression as well. Eric met John at the movie premiere recently and John said he was a nice guy. Eric asked John to stand up to them for him but John said that Eric had to stand up for himself.
Howard let Eric go (by hanging up on him) and started to wrap up with John. John told Howard he met a nice girl by the name of Tiffany at a strip club he was at last night. Howard took a call from Joey Boots who said that this guy can't claim that he's not juicing now and he's sure that in 10 years they'll be playing clips of him denying it when he's really been doing it. John said that he has been drug free through his whole career and he isn't allowed to use steroids in the WWE. He said that it's almost a compliment when someone claims that he's on the juice when he's really not.
Joey said that no one gets to be the size of this guy without steroids. Fred said he thinks that he has used the stuff. Artie said he was going to go along with whatever John says, he doesn't want to get his ass kicked. Howard said he kind of thinks he looks like he has juiced up but he'll go along with whatever he says. John claims he has never used the stuff at all. Howard wrapped up with John after giving him some more plugs for his movie ''The Marine.'' He went to commercial break after that.
Howard took another call from Eric the Midget who said that Howard caught him off guard during the John Cena interview. He said he wasn't thinking straight because Howard had introduced him as a female caller. Howard said he's a horrible caller and he had nothing to say. He said he was trying to entertain millions and he can't do the show just for him.
Howard said that the question he did ask was very inside and even John didn't think it was a good question. Eric said that he's also not gay but Howard told him he is gay for these wrestlers. Howard said they all know he's straight but he doesn't seem to have a sense for how the show works and slowed the show down with that call of his.
Howard asked Eric what his follow up question was going to be for John. Eric said he was hoping to tell John he wanted to meet one of John's friends and pass along a DVD of his appearance on the red carpet at the premiere so John could have it.
Howard had Ralph on the line so he could try and explain this to Eric. Ralph asked Eric if he has any sense of humor and if he gets the show at all. It doesn't seem like he gets the show at all. He wondered what he hears when he listens. Eric said that he has a sense of humor and laughs at the other shit on the show but he's not going to laugh at the stuff they do about him.
Eric said that he likes the jokes that pertain to the other people on the show. Ralph asked him if he understands that he's just as goofable as everyone else. Eric said he guesses that's the way it is but he still didn't seem to get it. Ralph said his questions have to be interesting to the fans who are listening, not just to Eric.
Eric said that he hasn't been able to ask John about anything at any other time so that's why he asked that question. Fred asked him why he would bring something up that had nothing to do with John Cena when he did have the chance to talk to him. Eric said he was going to ask other questions but the guys all told him he should have gotten to his best question for John right off the bat. Eric said that one of his questions was answered before he got on the air. He said he was going to ask him if he had a crush on Kelly Carlson but he had already answered that. Howard and Ralph told him he should have moved on if that question was already answered.
Howard had a rap song that John Cena put out. He didn't play it while he was in there though so he played it for Eric. Eric already knew about it and said he's got a whole album out. Howard told him he should have brought that up when he called in.
Eric said that the two people who got naked during the ECW thing last night were two women who were at his movie premiere. Captain Janks called in and said that they need a translator for Eric and we should never hear his voice on the air again. It should be Will asking the questions. Ralph said that's not right, he wants to hear him on the air.
Kevin Lofton (KevinA.tv) called in and asked Eric to write his own Eric the Midget cartoon so he can animate it. He said he would do anything he wants. Eric said he could possibly think of something. Everyone else came up with ideas for the cartoon but Eric wasn't coming up with anything. They were suggesting that they have Eric banging all of the American Idol chicks. Artie suggested that they have John Cena eat Eric and shit him out. Howard said they could also have John shove Eric up his ass as a Ben Wah ball. Howard thinks that he could get John to play himself in that cartoon as well.
Eric didn't like any of those ideas. Kevin told him he'd do anything he wanted him to. Howard told Kevin and Eric that the cartoon that Kevin created that aired on Howard TV is the most viewed episode on the service at this point. It's in the 9/27 daily episode at the end of the show.
Howard said he wants Kevin to do a cartoon where Eric is used as a human dildo and they end up giving someone a Dirty Sanchez. Eric didn't like any of those ideas. Ralph asked Eric where his video of the interview with John Cena is. Eric said he sent the audio to Will, Jason and Richard as an MP3 file but Gary said none of them got that file.
Gary said that he spoke to a guy who was on the red carpet with Eric and they were all asking him if he had batteries in his tape recorder. Eric insisted that it was working but other people could see that it wasn't working and eventually got it fixed for him. <>Howard came up with some more ideas for Kevin to animate. He wanted Eric to play a 13 year old boy who was enticing guys to come over to have sex with him for Dateline but the guys don't get caught, they just attack Eric and shove him up their ass.
Howard told Eric that he has to be prepared when he calls in from now on. Eric said he's okay with that. He also wanted to know if Kevin Lofton is related to Kenny Lofton. Ralph laughed and asked him if he has heard a word they've said over the past half hour. Eric asked when Brooke Hogan was coming in because he wants to ask her some questions. Gary said she's coming in sometime in the next two weeks.
Eric said that he wanted to ask her something when she comes in so Howard had him ask the question he wanted to ask. He wanted to ask her about some appearance she made or something so the guys all told him he's got to do better than that. Ralph tried to help him by having him ask her about her sex life or something like that. Surprisingly, Eric played along for a short time and tried to ask some questions. Then he said he should be able to come up with something in the next two weeks.
Howard had Ralph play the part of Eric so they could give him an example of how to do this whole thing. Ralph paused for a few seconds and did his impression of Eric asking her questions. His impression was even bad and his question was just as boring as the questions the real Eric was asking. Howard asked Eric if he understood what they were talking about now. Eric grunted and said he got it and would try to come up with something.
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