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The following show rundown is pulled from the MarksFriggin.com archives. In 1996 my rundowns weren't quite as detailed as they are now, 10 years later, but it does show how my write-ups have changed over the years...
Howard was back live this morning. He started off the show talking about what goes on after a long weekend. He said that he's got quite a pile of voice mail to go through. First up was Eric the Midget. Eric left a message for Artie and told him that if he doesn't make money off his movie, he could push a new energy drink called 'Cocaine' and be a spokesman for it. Howard cut it off and said that kid is weird and his delivery is really odd too. He did an impression of him and goofed on him Robin then said that there actually is a drink coming out called Cocaine so Eric wasn't making a joke.
Howard joked that Artie already had a deal with the drink Heroin. He then caught a whiff of the food Artie was eating and said it was pretty wicked first thing in the morning. Artie said it was pork with broccoli raab and his mother made it for him. Howard told him that might be something to eat in the afternoon, not first thing in the morning.
Howard played a voice mail that Riley Martin left. He said that they're working on getting him back on the air there but the people that are working with him don't seem to know what the fuck they're doing. Howard said it's funny how Riley thinks he does know what he's doing. Riley was demanding that someone contact him and let him know when they're going to set him up with the equipment he needs to do his show from his home. Howard said that he is a pain in the ass. Howard said there was an odd pause in Riley's voice mail so he did a quick rewind to listen to the strange noise.
Someone brought in the new drink Cocaine that Eric the Midget had referred to earlier. Howard asked Artie if he wanted to try it. Artie said he had a Coke in front of him so he didn't want to try it. Howard gave it to him anyway because he doesn't drink that shit. Artie gave it a try and said it wasn't good. He said it's very strong but it doesn't taste that good. It's too syrupy for him. It's also got some artificial strawberry or something in it that he didn't like.
Howard played Crazy Alice's latest voice mail. She said that if she wins this football pool, she's going to give some of the money to Big Foot Mark. She said that she knows that he needs it more than some of the other assholes who call into the show. She also went off on Artie a little bit. She even said ''Fuck gay Howard too'' as she as hanging up.
Howard got sidetracked when he talked about the nut who went into an Amish school yesterday and shot a few kids. He talked about how strange that was and how even his wife had no idea that he was going to do something like that. He had some grudge against girls that had been bugging him for the past 20 years according to the reports Howard heard. He said that he doesn't get that and can't understand when there is no good motive for something like that.
Howard said he got into some trouble years ago when he mentioned that during the Columbine news reports. He said that he was just wondering what the motive was and that got him kicked off the air. Robin said that there was another shooting in Colorado last week and that guy sexually molested a couple of the girls before killing one of them and killing himself. Howard said he understands it when there's a motive there but not when there's no motive at all.
The guys talked about some of the other nuts who have killed over the years. They wondered if there was any way they could figure out who these people are and how they could stop them before they actually go and kill people. Howard said that some guy on FOX news was talking about how they can tell how some kids are going to be the ones who go off on others. Howard said he thinks that's kind of irresponsible to say something like that.
Howard said he was really tweaking Fred back then and realized that he could have gone Columbine on his ass back then. He wouldn't have been surprised if Fred had walked off the show back then and never come back. He said it was kind of funny back then but hearing it yesterday made him cringe. He said that Jackie was saying that he was wondering if Mike Gange's camera was going to fit up his ass because he had to follow Fred around after the arguments.
Howard said he's very happy that they have the old tapes now because they have classic moments like that. He took a call from a guy who said that he liked that Mastertape Theatre thing. He said they have other full shows that they'll be playing in the future as well. Howard said he liked hearing Robin doing the news from back in 1996. The caller asked Fred if he ever talked about what the argument was about back then. Fred said that he did talk about it on the air and it was when he and Alison were separated.
Fred said that he and Alison were living apart at the time and she was giving him some little jabs at dinner that night so that led to their fight. Going out to dinner at the time was a bad idea and they hadn't told anyone that they were separated at the time. Alison did call into the show and defended Fred during that segment though. Howard said he realized that he really is a mental patient when he was listening to the show yesterday.
Fred had a problem with his wife going out and working in a play back then. She was doing a show where she was practically naked on stage. She was in Tony and Tina's Wedding and playing the part of a stripper according to Fred.
Howard asked Fred how long he was separated and how they got back together. Fred said they went to counseling and eventually got back together. He didn't say how long it lasted. Fred was still upset with the caller who made that whole conversation happen back then. Fred said that he made the mistake of drinking that night and that didn't help out with the fight. Fred said that he may have knocked over some glasses at his table but it was because his belt buckle got caught on the table cloth. He didn't dump the table over like the caller had said back then.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that whole show was brutal yesterday. He pointed out some of the stuff that went on during that show and how crazy everything was.
Howard said that he got some mail about Jackie getting his show ''Jackie's Joke Hunt'' on Howard 101. He read one e-mail from a guy who thinks it's a slap in the face of Artie. Robin said that was a subject on the Superfan Roundtable last week. Howard said that Jackie isn't coming back to their show, he's got his own show, so it's not a slap in the face of Artie at all.
Howard read through a bunch of e-mail from people who think that Howard is having Jackie doing his own show is his way of putting Artie in his place. Howard said that's not the case at all and he wouldn't bring Jackie back to the show to replace Artie if Artie left the show. He said he won't even have Jackie sit in for Artie if Artie was out one day.
Howard said that Jackie is a funny guy but he had demands to keep working on the show that just didn't work for them. That led to Howard talking about how Artie ended up on the show and how it really had nothing to do with Jackie leaving. He said that he wanted to use the money left over from Jackie leaving to pay guys like Sal and Richard to work there. He also liked the idea of having Artie sit in on the show so that led to his hiring.
Howard read through some more mail about Jackie's job there and how they don't think he deserves it. Howard said that those people can call into his show and tell him that tonight at 7pm on Howard 101.
Howard read an e-mail from someone who said that Oprah Winfrey giving shows to her friend Gayle King is like Howard giving jobs to people like Ralph. Howard said that's not an equal comparison because Oprah isn't doing a full show on XM, she's giving her friends shows there instead of doing time herself.
Artie said that Jimmy's show is getting even better and he's turned out to be a great host. Howard said that Eva Longoria disappeared from the show after her segment. Artie said she got whisked out of there by some publicist after she did her appearance. Howard played some audio from the show where Artie was joking around about why Eva left. He was saying that to get a chick like that he'd need a lot of coke but they bleeped out the word ''coke.''
Howard talked about the time he got whisked off the Letterman show when Sharon Stone was there and they brought him out past the garbage because she had demanded that she not even see him on her way in. He couldn't believe that shit.
Howard said he was taking a shit the other day and noticed that his balls were just about half an inch from the toilet water. He said he has to be careful with that because you can get your balls stuck in the seat. Artie said he had to take a shit on a flight this weekend and that's the worst. He said he's had about 6 or 7 times when he's had to do that. Howard said he's never had to do that on a plane. He only shits about once a day these days and doesn't have the same problems that Artie does.
Howard said he's down to 187 pounds right now. He said if he puts on weight he gets titties and a belly. He showed Robin what he looks like right now after she asked to see him stand up. He had jeans on that were a little too loose on him. Robin said they looked like they could fall right down at any moment.
Artie said he was at 195 pounds when he filmed Beer League. He couldn't believe that Howard was only 187 pounds. Howard said that Artie doesn't look that bad at nearly 300 pounds. Howard asked him if he ate all weekend. Artie said he was eating the whole time. Howard figured he had to be close to 300 pounds now. Artie said the last time they weighed him he was at 282 pounds.
Artie is now wearing sweat pants to work because he can't fit into his jeans. He said he wore those parachute pants on Kimmel on Friday night. He took off his watch as he got ready to get on the studio scale. Howard said he wants to see him at 300 pounds. Artie hopped on the scale and came up at just 283 pounds. He's only gained a pound since the last time.
Artie said that he had some chick rubbing him down out in Los Angeles and he always feels that they're grossed out by him. He said he always wears something under his towel so they don't have to see that shit. He said that even if it's not a hot chick he still feels that they're grossed out by him. Howard said that these days, even if it was an ugly chick, he'd probably let her finish him off.
Artie said that Jessica Simpson was over at Kimmel's show last week but they were shooting a segment that will air this week. He said that the people that came with him actually ran off to talk to Jessica. Howard said she's not that hot these days though because her latest album has tanked. Artie said that it was like ''entourage city'' over there with two hot chicks being there. Jessica Simpson and Eva Longoria were both there and making a scene.
Artie said that Jessica Simpson looked amazing that night. He also talked about Eva Longoria going out and doing her segment on the show. She told a story that was nothing and Jimmy had to make her seem entertaining. She was getting no response from the audience so Artie's agent said she should be easy to follow. Artie said her whole segment was about how huge she's gotten lately and how she can't go anywhere. Howard said he wishes that people would stop feeding into her shit and stop making her famous. He said he's so sick of these 'Desperate Housewives' and wishes that they would just go away. Artie said that Eva leaving the show actually got the audience on his side.
Howard said he couldn't quite tell what this thing was because he didn't have his glasses on at the time. He said he took this thing and squeezed it and then there was blood all over him. He said it must have been a tick because it popped and got blood all over him. Robin was grossed out when she heard that so she almost asked him to stop... but she couldn't make him stop the story.
Howard said that he had to ask Beth to come in and help him out. He said he had just taken a dump so he didn't want to gross her out. He also doesn't like Beth to see his penis when he's not hard so he washed his hands and tried to get himself a little hard for her. He realized that wasn't the best thing to do so he just walked out and told Beth that he may have just pulled a tick off. Then Beth told him that it was a mole that he had ripped off.
Howard said he had to go to Dr. Kauffman yesterday. He said he hates being naked in front of the doctor so he tried getting chubbed up a little bit in the back of his car. He said that the mole thing has disappeared into just a scab now so he almost didn't go to the doctor.
Howard said that the doctor came in and had him up on the table with his legs up looking at this mole of his. He said there wasn't much he could do during that whole thing. The doctor told him it wasn't even a mole, it was a blood vessel that had popped out and that happens to people when they get older. Howard told her that he had just popped it like a tick because he had no idea what it was.
Gary came in and told the guys about going to this doctor who is his neighbor and how the guy just pretended that nothing was going on as he was examining his genitals. Artie said it would be funny to have a doctor who is really inappropriate and would call someone a needle dick. Howard said he actually had a guy call him a needle dick one time.
Howard said he was wondering how he could get that mole down there. He was figuring that it was from the pee that dribbles on his balls. He said he sits down to pee these days and that helps keep him from making a mess. He said whenever he stands up he ends up pissing on the floor and toilet. Now he doesn't have to even wash his hands because he doesn't have to touch his penis when he goes to pee. Gary said that sometimes he has a split stream of piss. All of the guys have had that happen to them.
Gary told another story about going to a doctor years ago when he first started working for Howard. He went to this female doctor and she asked him what he does for the show after reading his form. She knew that he worked for Howard and then examined him and found that he had crabs. That led to the guys talking about the crabs and how he had to get rid of them.
Howard took a phone call but the caller had fallen asleep waiting to get on. Howard said that's some commentary on the show today when someone falls asleep listening to the stories they're telling. Another caller told Howard that Beth is a keeper if she put up with his bloody mole thing.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he got crabs one time and ended up giving them to his wife. He ended up fooling her into taking a shower with him so he could get rid of them for her. He said he got the crabs from his truck because he had never cheated on her.
Scott DePace came in and told the guys about how he had crabs one time and saw them crawling up his chest. He said some friend told him what they were. The guys talked about the stuff that they use to get rid of the crabs and how gross it must have been back when they didn't have all of these things to get rid of stuff like that.
Howard said that he remembers kids who used to get lice when he was in school and it was always the clean kids who got them. He said he learned that lice only like clean hair, not the greasy hair of some people. Howard also said that lice don't like black people's hair from what he's heard. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said that when you go to temple you have to pray and everyone has bad breath. Lisa got to her news preview and said that Andy Dick will be on David Letterman tonight. She said that Jackie's Joke Hunt is premiering tonight at 7pm on Howard 101 so they'll be talking about that. That led to Howard and Fred doing their Jackie impressions for a few seconds. Fred also played the Jackie song that Dan the Song Parody Man created using Jackie clips.
Lisa asked how much money Artie will be betting on the Yankee game tonight. Artie said he won't be betting on them at all because it's too emotional for him. That led to the guys talking about how the Yankees have been cracking down on people who have been selling their tickets online, at places like StubHub.com, have been selling tickets and George Steinbrenner doesn't want the competition from people.
Sal came in because Howard heard that he had made some comments about yesterday being a ''Jew Free day'' and how they would have some elbow room to go out and do things with the family like picking apples. Howard spoke to him about that for a short time and then let both Sal and Lisa go. Howard told Sal that if he wants a Jew Free day he should go deer hunting.
Howard asked Mr. T about giving up the gold that he used to wear. Mr. T said something about being a Christian and how he has given it up for the Katrina victims. Robin said that he's given up that gold in the past so it can't be just for the Katrina victims. Mr. T said he had his gold on the last time he was there in August of last year.
Howard wanted to ask Mr. T some questions but he had to get some things out. Mr. T was asking for a date with Robin so Howard asked him if he really wanted to go out with her. He said he's not sexually attracted to her and he would just like to go out as friends. Howard said he never knows what's up with Mr. T and women. Mr. T said he's not trying to hustle and get women to have sex with, he's not like that.
Mr. T said that he would like to get to know Robin by going out with her. Robin said she feels rejected that he wouldn't' even consider having sex with her. Mr. T was left speechless after hearing that. He didn't know what to say to her.
Mr. T got in some thanks to his doctors who have helped him get through his cancer. He said he's on 8 pills a day to keep the cancer at bay. He said the cancer was very rare and it's something they have to control. He said that it was a test for his faith and that's all it is. He didn't drink, smoke or eat poorly so Howard wondered where it came from. Mr. T said those things just happen.
Howard asked T about this TV show he's gotten on TV Land. Mr. T said that it's a motivational show, not an advice show like Howard said it was. He said in one show he went to a car dealer where they needed some motivation and helped them get through their problems. In another show he gets kind of teary eyed. He said the show is airing once a week on TV Land.
Howard told Mr. T about how Artie is a troubled man and he needs some help. Mr. T said that he could do that for Artie but he needs time. He said he has to spend time with the people to get to know them before he can motivate them. Howard told T that he was being serious and gave him some details about Artie. He's 38 years old and just got off of heroin recently (last year). Mr. T said that he would have to give Artie some tough love and would take him out and work him out in Central Park or something. Howard said he might be right, that might be what Artie needs. Mr. T said he could run Artie through Harlem or something but Artie said if he ran through Harlem, he might stop and get heroin.
Howard asked Artie who's doing heroin these days. Artie said there are people out there still doing it but they're keeping it quiet. Mr. T said he loves having people coming up to him and telling him that he's helped them out. Artie said that the next time he's thinking about using heroin, he's going to call him. He also told T that if he could help him out on his TV show, he'd get some big ratings.
Mr. T was rambling on and on about what he likes to do in his spare time. He said the last book he read was The Bible and he's also been writing his own book and reading that. Howard asked Mr. T about all of the TV shows and products that he's been part of over the years. Mr. T said he even had a Mr. T cereal but that played itself out.
Howard said he doesn't understand why Mr. T doesn't seem to need some sexual companionship. Mr. T said that the kids who follow him don't follow him because he's some big, black stud. Howard said that's them but what about Mr. T, doesn't he need something. Mr. T said that he doesn't have to go after stuff like that. Howard asked him if there's a better feeling than putting his penis inside a new woman. Mr. T just laughed and said that he wakes up in the morning and just prays. He said he's complete the way he is and he doesn't need that.
Mr. T said that he's a happy camper and this is a blessing from God. He goes out and inspires people in his life. He's not out looking for women.
Howard asked T if he has any close friends or if they're put off by this loud guy he is. Mr. T said he wants to learn things and he's like a sponge watching TV. He doesn't have a lot of friends and only one really close one. He said he's been friends with that guy since about 1979. Robin asked if she could really have lunch with someone like Mr. T because he's so revved up. Mr. T said that if she went to dinner with him, she'd be asking him if he was going to say anything because he's so different off the air.
Howard asked Mr. T if he likes to see titties. Mr. T just laughed again and said he's not looking for that. Howard asked him if he brought him to Scores, would he even go in. Mr. T said that he'd wait outside for him, he wouldn't go in.
Howard asked Mr. T about being a bodyguard for Diana Ross and Michael Jackson. Mr. T said that was back when e Michael was still a black guy. He said he didn't see anything weird with him and didn't even talk to him much back then. He just did his job. Howard wondered if he had to get physical with anyone back then. Mr. T said that he just did his job by showing the way he looks and that would scare people off.
Mr. T said that he would take a bullet or a knife for anyone he was body guarding. He said that he learned some of that when he was in the National Guard. He also said he knows a little Karate and can defend himself pretty good. He said he won a bouncer contest one time when he went up against this big Samoan guy who weighed about 300 pounds. He said he gave the winnings from that fight to his church and that paid off because he ended up getting into the Rocky movie he was in.
Beetlejuice came in and Mr. T gave him a Mr. T in your pocket toy. It's a bunch of recordings of Mr. T saying his favorite lines. Gary came in and said that he can't get a reading with Beet about Mr. T so he's not sure if he's a fan of his.
Robin asked Beetlejuice if he's lost more teeth. Beet said he has taken a few more out but they're just falling out. Someone asked Beet how old he is but he wasn't quite sure. He said he might be like 42 or so. Howard asked him if it's hard to eat without the teeth. Beet doesn't seem to mind it too much. The guys asked Beet if he knows Mr. T and what he's done in the movies. Beetlejuice said he knows that he played a bartender in the Rocky movie.
Howard asked Beet when he last had sex. Beetlejuice said it was about 20 years ago. Howard said that's not true, he gets laid a lot. He asked Beet about the last time he was there and how depressed he was. Beetlejuice said he was a little bit down back then but he seems to be okay today. Howard asked him if Mr. T could speak to him and maybe inspire him. Mr. T was put on the spot and he said that he can't really do his thing under pressure like that. He said that this is the wrong format and he needs to spend some time with Beetlejuice out on the street.
Howard asked Beetlejuice how his career is going and figured that he's at about a 9 with that but maybe his personal life isn't doing so well. He asked him what the hardest part of his life is. Beetle said that he just has to be himself, he knows that. Howard and Robin said that he must have been inspired by Mr. T a little bit because he used to cut his hair like Mr. T. Beet said that was true.
Beetlejuice was telling the guys that he's not into drugs and Mr. T liked that because he was with Nancy Reagan on the ''Just Say No'' thing. Then Howard asked Beet if he still smokes pot. He said he does still smoke a little bit.
Howard had Crazy Alice on the line but once she started asking questions he knew that it wasn't a real person. The guys in the back were jerking him around with the Crazy Alice audio clips for a short time. He was just laughing as she was yelling at him, calling him names and goofing on him. Howard cut that off and took a call from a guy who said it was a pleasure to speak to him. He said that Mr. T is his inspiration and he stayed on the straight and narrow because of him. Mr. T figured Howard was setting him up with one straight call and he was going to have someone go off on him with the next call.
The next caller was also saying that it was an honor to talk to Mr. T but he was really calling in to talk to Beetlejuice. He said that the reason he lost his teeth was because he caught him with his wife and he knocked his teeth out. Beetlejuice claims that he actually knocked this guy's teeth out. Howard asked Artie if he still has a problem with Beet. Artie said that he thinks that Beet is gay so that got the two of them into a bit of a verbal argument. Artie was doing that just to get him all riled up of course but Mr. T didn't realize that and tried to calm Beetlejuice down. He said some kids were listening this morning because he was on and he didn't want them cursing so much. Howard tried to calm them down a little bit but Artie was still calling Beet names.
Howard told Mr. T that those two guys have their thing but they're both his friend. Mr. T said you never know if this stuff is an act or not. Blue Iris called in a short time later and said that she wants to blow Mr. T. Mr. T said he's not going there on this show because that's not something he gets into. He said that there are kids listening to him today and he doesn't' want to talk about that stuff.
Howard said that Beetlejuice is going to be getting a tattoo at a tattoo parlor called Divine Tattoo Studio up in Buffalo, New York tomorrow. You can find out more about that at JollyDwarf.com. Beet said he's getting one on his back tomorrow and that stuff doesn't bother him at all. He's also got some ring tones out now so Howard played one of those. He gave Mr. T some plugs for his show that premieres on October 11th on TV Land. He also gave Beet some more plugs and then went to break.
Artie was laughing as Beet was being taken out of the studio. Beetlejuice was still yelling as they were dragging him out. Howard told Artie to apologize to Beetlejuice and try to make up since they used to be friends. Howard figured that Beet wouldn't remember this in a 15 minutes.
Beetlejuice came back in so Artie apologized to him but Beetlejuice didn't seem to want to make up with him. Artie asked Beetlejuice if he would accept his apology but Beet walked out. He had taken his shirt off when he came in the studio as if he was ready to fight Artie. Mr. T came back in and said that he was going to try and talk to Beetlejuice to calm him down. He told Beet to come back in but Beet was so pissed that he was cursing like crazy and saying he didn't give a fuck about any of that.
Mr. T told Beetlejuice that Artie wanted to make up with him but Beetlejuice was too angry to do that. Mr. T kept telling him that Artie didn't want to fight but Beet kept saying he didn't give a fuck and it didn't mean shit to him. Howard asked Artie if he wanted to go out and let Beetlejuice beat him up. Artie said that he's seen Beet throw punches and he could get hurt if he punched him in the nuts or something.
Mr. T and Beetlejuice were still going back and forth out in the hall. Beet said he doesn't care if Artie wants to apologize to him. Beet said he's not apologizing to nobody and just wanted to get out of there. Artie went out to try and straighten things out but gave him another ''fuck you faggot'' which got Beet all revved up again. Artie said Mr. T wanted him to take the high road but he couldn't do that.
Howard gave Beetlejuice some more plugs and let things calm down in the studio a little bit. He said he has seen Beet fight before and he does not back down. They talked about how Beet has lost about half his teeth. Will came in and said that Beet was still out there screaming so they could put a mic on him again. Howard said that they should have a line-up with Artie and some other guys to see if he could even pick out the guy he was fighting with.
Artie said that it got much worse than it's ever been before. He didn't know that things were going to get that bad. Howard said that maybe they should send Jason out there to pretend that he's Artie. Artie said that it would be kind of funny to see Beetlejuice beat up Jason.
Howard had to finish the commercial he had started when they got interrupted with the Beetlejuice thing.
Howard said that Pat Cooper is returning to the show tomorrow but he's not sure how he feels about that. Artie said that he's got a bone to pick with Pat himself because he heard that he said that he was a disgrace to Italians on some other radio show. Howard said he's only doing it because it might make for great radio.
Gary asked Robin what she thinks about the whole thing. She said that they're all kind of fed up with Pat's behavior and attitude toward Howard over the years. Howard said that Pat goes on all of these other shows and bad mouths him and he's insulted his family saying that his kids will never talk to him. Howard said that Pat is the guy whose kids don't talk to him. Howard has no problem with his kids talking to him.
Howard said that Pat is the best gust when he's angry but when he's not angry he's not that interesting. Artie aid that he remembers hearing the guy on the show and friends saying that Pat would someday hate Howard. Howard said they'll see how things go tomorrow.
Howard said that he thought Andy Dick was going to be on today but he's actually going to be on tomorrow. He said that they're still looking for America's Hottest Ex-Convict for a contest they have going on. He spent a short time on that and Gary said that they have a couple of contestants so far.
JD came in and Howard asked him why he didn't tape the session for him. JD said he doesn't do that stuff. Then Howard said he heard that he came in that chick's mouth. He said that was true and people there asked him about it so he told them. Howard said that chick was cute too.
Howard played some audio of JD's father admitting that he had been a crackhead at one point in his life. Howard said that must have been tough for JD but JD said that it didn't happen until after his parents had gotten divorced.
Howard took a call from Kimberly Kane who was the chick that JD got over the weekend. She said that they had a blast over the weekend. She said she was really nervous calling in this morning but she had told JD that he could tape their session if he wanted. JD said he doesn't want to do that stuff. She said that the sex was wonderful and JD took her like a man.
JD said that they hung out on Sunday after talking on Friday night. Howard said that she's really cute and you can check her out at KaneArmy.com. Kimberly said that they had phone sex on Friday night so Howard wondered if they even taped that. No one taped it.
Kimberly said that JD was amazing in bed and she would do it again. She said that JD talks while he's doing it and he has a dirty, dirty mind. She said that he was pulling her hair and stuff like that as well. She said that he's got about 7 inches in his pants and it's thick too. She said that he's got great balls too. She didn't stick a finger up his ass though.
Kimberly said that JD can really talk and he was very good. Howard asked her if she would take a lie detector test to find out if she's lying. She said she'd be willing to do that.
Howard asked Kimberly how much she weighs. She said she's 130 pounds but she's 5'9'' tall. Howard said that's about the right weight for that height. Howard found out that JD was invited over to Kimberly's hotel room on Friday night but he didn't go.
Richard came in and said he had a few questions for them. Kimberly said that she had some pictures of them from this past weekend up on her blog. Richard asked Kimberly about how JD tasted. She said that his cum actually tasted great even though he eats crappy food. Howard wondered if she would be JD's girlfriend. JD said that he wouldn't have a problem with that because she's trying to get more into directing now.
Ralph called in and said that JD blew it by not recording this sex stuff. He said that Howard would have loved it if he had done that for the show. Richard said that JD has to think more about the show because he was down in Orlando taking a shit and recording it for the show. Howard played that audio where Richard takes a shit in the airport bathroom. Artie took off his headphones while that was being played.
Howard asked Kimberly and JD more about their Friday night of phone sex. He was still upset that he hadn't recorded it for the show. JD said that if she lived in New York he'd be interested in going out with her more. She's back in California today though. Howard thought that JD was starting to cry but JD said that's not true. He was just standing there taking it all in.
Richard suggested that they have that guy Spice Boy from Bubba the Love Sponge's show have sex with Kimberly since he has no problem recording his sex sessions.
JD talked about how he and Kimberly spent their weekend. She was busy on Saturday doing a porn shoot so he didn't see her that day. They met on Sunday afternoon. JD said that he took a shower and trimmed his pubes that morning. He brought 3 condoms with him when he went to visit her. He wore a t-shirt and khaki pants over there. Kimberly said she knew she was going to bang JD and they were making out on the street because she couldn't hold out.
JD said that they went to a diner for lunch and then walked down the street. She started nibbling on him at that point. Kimberly claims that she was so turned on that she just had to get back to his place to bang him. She said she grabbed his package out on the street and he was hard at that point. Howard asked if there were guys at the diner who she wanted more than JD. She laughed and said no.
They headed back to JD's apartment and started making out according to Kimberly. She aid that his porn collection was alphabetized. She said that JD undressed her and she ended up going down on him first. He went down on her later after banging her. JD said he ended up going twice. Kimberly claims that she orgasmed from him banging her. Howard asked JD if he jerked off before going over there. He said that he did do it on Saturday.
Gary came in and said that they had Kimberly on the Wrap Up Show on Thursday and she claimed that she wasn't just going to bang just for air time. Kimberly said that's not the case and she wasn't looking for air time. Gary said she wouldn't have let him talk about it on the air if she wasn't looking for air time. She claims that she did want to have sex with him and she may have wanted to help him out so he could come in and tell the guys that he fucked her real good.
Gary thought she was saying that it was a pitty fuck but that's not what she was trying to say. She seemed to think they were misunderstanding her.
JD said that he and Kimberly watched a TV show called Cheaters before they did anything. They spent about an hour just hanging out and talking. JD said that she smoked a little weed but he didn't drink or smoke with her. He also said that he did her in the missionary position and had her on top for a little while.
Howard asked JD if she was good with the oral. He said she was very aggressive. Howard wondered how JD held out so long because she was claiming that he did last a long time. Kimberly said she was getting turned on by this discussion so Howard told her that she's the only one.
Robin asked Kimberly if she swallowed. She said that there was a lot of cum there so she didn't swallow it all. She said it was all over the place. Gary asked if it was love making or porn star sex. JD said it was probably a little bit of both.
Kimberly said that the second time JD did her was even better. She said they did doggy style and missionary during that time. She said that JD was like Superman while doing it the second time. Robin wondered where he dropped his load that time. JD said it was the same place, in her mouth.
Kimberly said she's got another shoot scheduled for later this month. She will be doing a boy/girl scene for that movie. She makes about $1000 for doing that stuff and she's doing okay so she doesn't have to strip or hook or anything like that.
Richard asked Kimberly if JD is going to be jealous after she does this scene she's talking about. JD said that he won't want to hear or see about it. Howard told him he's going down a tough road because regular chicks might not want to be with him after he's been with a porn star. JD doesn't seem to care about that though.
Kimberly said that she wants JD to meet her out at the AVN Awards in Vegas or out to her place in L.A. She said that would be awesome if he could come visit her. JD said he'll see her again. She was sweet talking him and saying that he could stay in her bed.
Howard played an audio clip of JD getting a hand job down at Hedonism a few months ago. He was playing that just for Kimberly since she hadn't heard it. He let her go a short time later. Artie said that she's definitely hot. Howard asked Artie why he's not getting laid while JD is. Artie didn't have a good excuse for that.
Howard said that Bubba the Love Sponge is going to be making a bunch of appearances at various places around the country doing remotes for his radio show. He quickly went through that and then took a call from a guy who said that he always thought that JD was gay and this was kind of being forced. Howard said that he knows that JD isn't gay because of all of the porn he watches.
Howard said that Artie was mentioned on CSI Miami. He played a clip from that show and they were talking about a Death Pool. Artie's name was in the pool with Henry Kissinger and Abe Vigoda. Artie said the other guys on the list were like 90 years old. He thought it was kind of funny though.
Howard said he doesn't know why Artie is going around saying his movie is getting bad reviews because he's read some good ones. He played some audio from the Kimmel interview where Artie talks about the ''horrible reviews.'' Howard said he's not sure that's the right way to promote the movie. Artie actually used that as a joke about being in four films and having a total of 4 stars in his career.
Howard played another clip where Artie and Jimmy talked about Eva Longoria not sticking around while Artie did his segment. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard took another call from a guy who congratulated him on the cross promotion of the show with Bubba's show earlier. He also asked Howard if he has seen the Howard TV coverage of Artie's movie premiere. He said that he was 190 pounds last year and gained 100 pounds in the last year just like Artie has. He said that seeing Artie behind the scenes getting so big, he knows exactly how he's feeling. He said it's so uncomfortable gaining all of that weight. Artie said that it really is uncomfortable when you gain that much weight.
The caller said that Artie trying to get out of his limo is great. Artie said he just has to kind of roll out of the limo.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they think JD caught the herpes from that porn star this past weekend. That led to Howard talking about how some people don't think they can get STDs from getting oral sex but that's not true. You can get them from getting or giving oral. The caller said it's kind of scary now ans he predicts that JD will get his first sore on his lip in two weeks. Howard said he doesn't know if Kimberly has herpes or not so they can't just say he's going to get it.
Howard said that they have the FCC Rally coming up on Howard TV soon and you get to see everyone from 20 years ago. He hasn't seen the full cut of it yet but he's seen some clips. They also have the Inside the Porn Actors Studio, The Best of Stuttering John, The Blue Iris Documentary and a Day in the Life of Penny Crone coming up soon. Howard said that they have a lot of old footage that they're putting into some shows that aired on E!. Doug Goodstein came in and gave a rundown of what they had coming up there now and how they have added a ton of that unseen footage to some of the shows.
Jon said they'll be talking about Artie going off on Beetlejuice today. Howard said he had to go out and calm him down out there today. He said that Beet's breath was horrible today. He's literally got about 3 teeth left in his head according to Howard. Artie wondered if they could teach Beetlejuice how to do something like rinsing out his mouth with mouthwash or something like that.
Jon also said they'll be talking about Mr. T's appearance on the show today. They'll talk about JD's sex with Kimberly over the weekend. There will also be some discussions with Sal about his ''Jew free day'' and how he thought he would have some elbow room while picking apples yesterday on Yom Kippur.
Artie asked what that house must smell like out in Kansas. Richard said they used to have some dogs they weren't able to house train so there would be piles of dog shit on the floor and he'd end up stepping in it. Isaac Mark from Howard TV came in and said that he was out at the house in Kansas and he ended up hitting a deer on his way home from their house but he was so afraid of the area that he didn't even bother stopping. He said he just kept going.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Howard started off the show a little late saying he was listening to something that Sal and Richard did. He said they took tape of Steve Langford and made a prank call and it was funny to think that they even thought to do that. He played the clip where they had Steve Langford call a drug store and had him telling the pharmacist that his name was Jackie Martling and he had a ''rectal itch.'' A couple of women there at the store suggested that he get some Preparation H and rub it on after every bowel movement. They had Steve just saying that 'rectal itch' line over and over again. They eventually hung up on him.
Howard said the guys did another new bit with their Jack and Rod show and they had an author on the show to talk about a football book he wrote (Build a Better Athlete: What's Wrong with American Sports and How To Fix It). During the interview they had clips of Elegant Elliot Offen giving him his football pool picks. The author, Dr. Michael Yessis, didn't know he was being jerked with and had Elliot yelling out his comments over him. The guy got fed up with Elliot yelling at him so he hung up on him.
Howard said he knows the audience will probably enjoy hearing them mix it up but he's still not sure why he's putting himself through it.
The caller also asked when they're supposed to air the Bitter Half radio sitcom that they've been talking about for months now. Gary told Howard that it's supposed to air on October 18th. Howard was irritated by Gary who was pecking away at his keyboard with his sausage fingers. He's never learned to type so he hunt and pecks on his keyboard. Gary said they've talked about that before. Fred threw in a couple of Baba Booey song parodies during that quick discussion. The caller asked Howard if he had any tickets available for the Gary Roast. Howard didn't have any left.
Howard took another call from a guy who was looking at HowardStern.com and noticed that there was a download on the site and he wasn't sure what it was about. Howard told him about how he can listen to the show over the internet and even buy a subscription without buying a radio.
The caller asked Howard what he has to say about people claiming that he's not that dominant anymore. Howard said that he had a meeting with the higher-ups at the company yesterday and they're telling him how great things are going for them. He said that there are people out there who want SIRIUS to fail and they're printing stories out there about the company failing when it's actually doing very well.
Howard said that according to SIRIUS' calculations, 55 to 60 percent of the listeners on SIRIUS are listening to his two channels. That means about 2-3 million people are listening to his show every day. That's not bad for him just moving there 10 months ago. The caller also wondered what Howard thinks about HD radio. Howard said they're censored by the FCC just like regular radio and the signal cuts out just like regular radio so it's got the same drawbacks as regular radio. He's glad that he's not out there working for terrestrial radio anymore.
Howard talked about his dominance in the markets he was on in. He said that it'll be interesting to see how many people sign up for XM because Oprah is on over there. He said that no one has the draw that he has. The caller was also pointing out that he takes off an awful lot of time but Howard said that they have so much programming that he thinks it's still worth the $13 a month people are paying for the service.
Howard talked about all of the shows that they have on the channels already. He was going to let the caller go but the guy asked to be put on hold because he doesn't even have SIRIUS. He said he can't afford it. Howard asked what's up with that and found out he's unemployed and still living at home. He put the guy on hold so he could listen.
The Sim wanted to talk about Jackie's show that aired last night. Artie said he called into the show and spoke to Jackie for a couple of minutes. Howard said he had dinner with Jackie a few weeks ago and heard the idea for the show and it sounded kind of weird to him but he figured the fans wanted to hear him. Artie said he listened to some of the show after he called in and it was pretty entertaining. He said it wasn't a train wreck like The Sim said it was.
Another caller said that the show went quick and it was better than he thought it was going to be. That guy also thanked Tim Sabean for rearranging the schedule on Howard 101 because he's able to hear some shows he didn't hear before.
Howard talked about his meeting with Scott Greenstein and Mel Karmazin and how tired Mel looks these days. He was also talking about how hard Scott Greenstein works and how he seems to love anything that Mel loves. Howard said he's not sure how Scott can handle that job under Mel because it's got to be tough. He said he's had to report to Mel in the past and he's a tough guy to work for.
Howard and the guys talked about how Scott is so revved up that he never sits down. His desk doesn't have a chair because he's constantly standing up. Artie said it's like he's working at a Starbucks behind the counter or something. They were also talking about how it's all about the energy in his office and it's like he's been watching Tony Robbins too much.
Howard and Artie did their impressions of Scott Greenstein. They talked about how intense he is and goofed around with their impressions a little bit. Howard said they talked about some of the exciting stuff they have coming up on the channels and both Mel and Scott told him to do whatever he had to do to make it work.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that it was great to hear Jackie's voice on Howard 101 last night. He said the show was okay but just hearing his voice was great. Howard went on to play the opening to ''Jackie's Joke Hunt'' show. Jackie told a dirty joke and cracked himself up. He went on to tell another dirty joke. Howard and Robin laughed at them.
Gary came in and told Howard that he had some highlights from the show. The first one was where Jackie said that the reason he left the show was because he was tired of getting up so early. Jackie had a sidekick with him who was asking him the questions. Jackie told the guy that he would have never have stopped drinking if he was still on the show. He also said that he probably wouldn't have gotten separated if he didn't leave.
Jackie said he misses sitting in and laughing for four full hours straight. Gary said that's because he was laughing at his own jokes. Howard said that Jackie would laugh at some of his jokes as well so it wasn't just his own. Fred went into his Jackie impression and goofed on him a little bit.
Gary said that next week Jackie is going to talk about the Rodney Dangerfield thing. He talked about that on his show last night and said that Rodney wasn't really angry with him when he came on the show and talked about the money he owed to him. Howard and Gary said that Rodney was pissed at Jackie even if Jackie doesn't think he was.
Gary had Howard play another clip where Jackie says that no one has ever asked him to sit in on the show. Gary said that's just a lie and it pisses him off because he has asked him to come on the show. Jackie spoke to a caller on his show who asked if he has been asked to sit on the show. Gary was cringing when he heard that and said that he asked Jackie to sit in on the show and Jackie told him he was busy. Jackie told the caller he would see what happens. He also talked about Rev. Bob Levy because he named him 'Reverend' after seeing his really filthy act.
Howard said that was just a little bit of Jackie's Joke Hunt. Artie said he heard the end of the show and some caller brought up a couple of really racist jokes and Jackie said they were too racist... but then he ended the show with a really racist joke. Howard played that clip where Jackie told the caller his joke was too racist. Then he ends the show with a really racist joke of his own. The joke he was telling was something he told back when they were on K-Rock so the guys already knew the joke.
Gary said he was entertained by the show. Howard said that Jackie is back on the channel and it was nice that Artie called into his show. Some people wrote in and said that it was bad news for Artie because Jackie was back.
The caller asked if Jerry Springer's daughter is retarded or something. Robin said she thinks that she is mentally challenged but she's getting married.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who asked him to play him a song, ''Welcome to the Jungle,'' so he hung up on the guy and told him he had the wrong channel.
Howard said he went home to watch some of his awful TV shows last night so Artie said he couldn't take it and mentioned that the Yankees had won 8-4 last night. He said he's been dying to talk about that for the past hour. Howard took another call a short time later and appeared like he had no desire to talk about baseball.
Howard took a few more phone calls and let some people talk about Jackie's show and other things. He also mentioned that they had E.G. Daily coming in today. Gary told Howard about some of the voices that she has done for cartoons and animated shows. She was married to Rick Solomon for a while. Gary said she has a couple of interesting stories to tell when she comes in. Howard wondered if she's hot. Gary said she is cute and she's got to be about 45 years old or so. Howard said he doesn't bang 45 year olds.
Artie said he worked with E.G. Daily on a UPN animated show and he wept when it was canceled. He said he was getting paid $7,500 per show to do the voice on that show. Howard said he just got offered an animated film and he may do it because it's such easy money. Gary said that he thinks Bruce Willis took 10 percent of the gross of Look Who's Talking and made like $11 million from 6 days of work.
Gary was giving a ton of details about Daily so Howard cut him off and said it was enough, they'd get to that stuff when she comes in. He had Gary talk about this 21 year old woman who has entered this 'America's Hottest Ex-Convict' thing they're doing on the show. Howard said the chick is really cute and had Gary give a quick list of the crimes she's committed. Artie thought that some of the stuff she had done was 'hot.' That game is coming up soon.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that E.G. Daily is very hot and he's in love with her. Howard thanked him for that and went to commercial break.
Howard told E.G. That Artie wanted to date her but he was too shy to ask. Artie talked to her about working with her on the animated show ''Game Over'' and how that didn't last too long. Howard said he figures that guys don't guess that she's 45 years old because she looks so good. She said she's not quite 45 yet, she's only 44. He asked her what she thinks of Artie but she hadn't seen much of him yet so she wasn't sure. Artie was hiding but he popped up a short time later.
Howard asked E.G. To do some of her voices for them. She did some of her Rugrats, Powerpuff Girls and other voices to demonstrate her talent. Artie asked if she has ever had guys ask her to do those voices during sex. She said she has been asked to do that.
E.G. Said she was found by a guy who heard her doing the voices as a goof on set one time. She said she lucked out and signed on with the Rugrats which turned into a 14 year gig. She's done very well from that. She told Howard that she's done male voices in movies like Babe. That led to Artie talking about how that Babe voice has haunted him for years because he had to listen to that voice to get it right for the sketch he did on MAD TV that he was doing the day he was in the pig outfit and went out to get coke.
Howard told E.G. That he's been offered an animated movie. He wondered if he could do it or not. She figures he'd be able to do it no problem. Howard said he thinks he's come up with a voice and started to do his Johnny Fratto impression.
Howard said he read that E.G. dated this guy Jon-Erik Hexum and he ended up accidentally shooting himself with a prop gun on the set of a show he was working on. He put the prop gun up to his head and ended up killing himself with it. She said that she saw scans of his head after the gunshot and it blew a piece of his skull through the side of his head that was the size of a quarter. It had enough wax and paper in the blank bullet to blow that hole in his head. She said she had visited him on the set that same day that he shot himself.
E.G. Said that it was kind of a strange day over there and he had done some strange things with her that day. He said that he kind of held her in his arms in a way that was kind of odd. She said that he gave her a big hug and let her go and 30 minutes later she got the phone call about his injury. E.G. went to the hospital and found out what had happened. He wasn't dead yet when she saw him. She said that his family was kind of nutty and didn't want to do a funeral. They ended up donating a lot of his organs and stuff.
Howard asked E.G. about dating Jelly Bean Benitez. That was her first man after Jon-Erik Hexum had died. Howard said he once dated a woman and he was her first after she had been raped. He said he dated her a few times and then left her.
Howard thought that E.G. Had dated and had sex with George Clooney. She said she never had sex with him but probably did some stuff with him. She said that he was one of the sexier men that she's been with in her life. She said that he was very cool but she doesn't ''take the bone'' from every guy she meets. She said he was very sexy and did things to her but she never took the bone from him.
Howard read some notes about E.G. being married to Rick Salomon at the time he was banging Paris Hilton. She said that she remembers Paris looking at her at parties and stuff and she kind of had the feeling that he was boning her. She said she's got kids with Rick and he still helps her out with stuff today. She saw the Paris Hilton tape years before the tape had even come out in the public. She said that they were already separated by the time she saw it though. She said she did want to see if to see if he was having passionate sex with Paris. She said it looked like he wasn't having the same type of sex that he had with her though.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked E.G. what kind of underwear she was wearing. She showed Howard a hint of what they looked like. Howard asked her if she's got any stretch marks or anything like that. She said that she's pretty tight. She did show him her stomach and he said it was tight.
Howard gave E.G. a plug for the latest animated movie she's appearing in called ''Happy Feet'' which comes out later this month. She said she's also got a CD coming out soon as well. The record is called ''Changing Faces.'' She gave Howard a copy of a pre-release CD so he could play it.
Howard took a call from Double A who said that he's enjoying this interview. He said that every guest should be like that. Howard asked her if she would do her Babe the Pig voice while riding the Sybian. She demonstrated what that might be like but didn't actually ride the Sybian.
Howard took some more phone calls for E.G. and one guy asked her how she sucked Rich Salomon's huge cock. She said that she had to do a technique called the Tip And Tilt where she had to get into position. She said that he was very well endowed. She had to tip her whole body because he was so big and it felt like he was going to come out through her mouth. She said that was the hard part to give up in her marriage.
Ralph called in and said that she was a bit too talkative this morning and she needs to take a breath once in a while. He said she sounded all coked up but she said she never does coke so that's not what it is. She said she did have coffee this morning though.
Another caller told E.G. That she was hot in the movie ''Valley Girl'' when she got topless. Howard got a still from the movie where she was topless and told her that she's got some nice boobies. E.G. got in some plugs for her web sites EGDaily.com and Myspace.com/EGDaily1.
Howard asked E.G. about working with Pee Wee Herman on his movie where she played his girlfriend. He wondered if he's gay or what. She said she really doesn't know after stammering over her answer for a few seconds. Howard told her that she should have asked him why he was jerking off in the theater that time. She said he's a really nice guy, that's all she knows.
Howard gave her a few more plugs and said that she's got a DVD coming out soon called ''Listen Closely.'' He congratulated her on having George Clooney fingering her and stuff like that. She kept telling him to stop with the comments about him doing that stuff. He asked her who her best lay ever was. She said that it would probably be Rick (Salomon). Howard also asked her about her worst lay ever but she didn't want to get into that. She said that it was a guy who they probably wouldn't know but he was a pot smoker who wasn't that good in bed. No names were given.
E.G. revealed that Kato Kaelin had one of the ''prettiest parts'' that she's ever seen. She said that she dated him for a short time and he did have good looking private parts. She said that as Howard was wrapping up with her. Howard went to break a short time later.
Pat came in with an attitude. He told Howard that he should eat something because he was too thin. He wouldn't sit down and said that he didn't know why he was there today. Pat said he left his hearing aid home and that shows how much respect he has for Howard. He figures he wouldn't have anything worth hearing anyway.
Howard said he was going to try and make sense of their relationship first. He said he always felt, as a fan of Pats, that he was a good guest on the show and there was something in his personality that made him have to blow up anything that was good. He said that he thinks that they had a good relationship for a while but he comes on so strong that he just blows it and it's kind of sad.
Howard said he wasn't going to have Pat on the show because he thinks that he hates him so much. Pat said that's not true and he never mentioned his children like he thought he did. Howard said that Pat did mention his kids and he did say something about how his kids weren't going to love him in the future. Pat said there must have been a reason for him to have said that. Maybe he was doing it comedically or something.
Pat said that he left on his own and wanted to tell him why. He said that he was listening to the show one morning and heard Howard having a debate about Opie and Anthony. He said that Howard is a one of a kind person and he doesn't need to fight with guys like that. He said that when ''Jack Martling'' left the show he figured there was something wrong there. Howard asked how that has anything to do with their relationship. Pat said that he thought that things were going on and it was time for him to back away from the show.
Pat said that's his own bullshit to deal with and he felt that it was time to go on a hiatus. He doesn't remember bad mouthing Howard but Howard insists that he did go out and bad mouth him. Pat said that people never came up to him and said that he bad mouthed Howard, they all liked it when he was on the show and told Howard the way it was.
Howard asked what it was that brought Pat back to the show. Pat said that Gary called him and asked him to do the show. He didn't debate it when he asked but he also didn't know that his agent had called the show asking if they could book him.
Howard said that he was asked if he wanted Pat on the show and he wasn't sure he wanted to have him on because of the way he had bad mouthed him. He said he always enjoyed his company and the help he gave to the show over the years. He wasn't sure he wanted to go through everything with him on the air but then figured that the audience would like to hear it.
Pat told Howard that he is where he wants to be in his career even tough Howard doesn't seem to think he is where he wants to be. He said he's had offers in his career that he's turned down so he could have gone other places but he liked where he was at so he stayed there. He said he makes a good living and enjoys it. He did say that his wife passed away 2 years ago so he lost her. Howard said he heard about that and wanted to send Pat a note about that back then. He said he knew how much Pat loved that woman but he's pretty sure he didn't want to hear from him so he didn't bother writing.
Pat asked Howard if he thinks he'd be there if he didn't like him. Howard said he's not sure about that. Howard asked Pat how long he was married. Pat said he was married for 41 years. Now he's down to one grand child and his daughter. He's also dating now. He said that he knew this woman that he and his wife knew and he's been taking her out. Howard asked him if she's white. Pat said that it doesn't matter what she is but then revealed that she's Italian.
Howard asked Pat if it was strange to date a woman who his wife knew. He said that it wasn't that strange, he got her a room that was separate from his when they went over to Italy for a vacation. He said that he took her out to dinner in Vegas and also took her to Italy. Howard asked if they've been having sex. Pat said that he's still ''wooing'' her and doesn't want to ruin that. He said he doesn't want to live with her at this time. Howard asked him why he doesn't treat him like that. Pat said he's treated him better than he'll ever know.
Pat said that he knows he might be a fuck up but he's never had hate toward Howard at all. Pat said that if he talked about his children, he would be shocked. Howard said he didn't have the tapes lined up but he will have them for the next interview.
Pat said that he can't get a hard on so he can't bang this woman he's seeing. He said that even Viagra can't help him out. He can't even jerk off because of that. He said that he used to be able to bang his wife but after she passed away, it all stopped. He said that just 2 years ago he was able to get an erection. He said he never thought about it being a psychological thing.
Pat said he has had the opportunity to have sex but he's unable to get it up for the woman. Howard figured he has to eat her out but Pat said he doesn't do that. He said that she's only 55 years old so he's 20 years older than her. He said his main concerns about his life are his daughter and grand child at this point. He said that he's turning everything over to his daughter when he passes away.
Howard said Gary had found one of the tapes that they were talking about earlier. He played the clip where Pat talks about how much Howard's kids are going to suffer 10 years down the road. Pat heard it and said that he did say that but didn't defend it. He said that Howard was absolutely right about the clip. Pat and Howard talked about the old days when they did shows with Pat's kids. Howard remembered Pat asking not to talk to his kids on the air anymore back then but Pat didn't seem to remember the same thing.
Howard and Robin asked Pat about this woman he's dating and if he makes out with her. Pat said that he has no sex life and he's not even looking for it. He said he likes to have a lady with him and likes to take her out to dinner. Howard wondered if this is what happens to a guy when he turns 75 years old. He wondered if his father can still get it up.
Howard asked Pat if he has romantic kisses with this woman he's dating. Pat said that he does kiss her but he doesn't feel her up. Howard wondered if he finds her physically attractive. Pat said he does and said that she has the figure of a 20 year old. He said that they don't talk about having sex or anything like that. Pat said that he actually told her that if she wants to bang other guys, he'll drive her there. He said it's none of his business what she does.
Howard asked Pat about taking Viagra and found out that Pat wasn't really doing anything to try and get it up after he took it. Howard said that Pat lives in the past because he's still angry with his mother and his family so that's why he's got this tension that his doctors tell him he has. He said that's what's all piling up on him and making him miserable. Pat said if his penis works one day then it was meant to be.
Howard put the word out to this girlfriend of Pat's who needs to do something for his penis. He said that maybe she needs to use some baby oil on him. Pat said that he's afraid that he's going to lose this friendship with the woman because of these discussions. Howard told him that she'll be fine and maybe even like that they brought up this subject.
Gary came in and told Howard that Pat did the Wrap Up Show a couple of months ago and made a bet with him that if they could come up with a tape of him bad mouthing Howard's kids, he would kiss his balls. Gary said that he's not sure he wants to collect on that bet though.
Howard gave Pat a plug for a comedy gig he's doing at Kingsboro Community College in Brooklyn this weekend. He also took a call from a guy who asked Pat if he's ever tried Cialis instead of Viagra. Pat said he's not that desperate and hasn't tried that one. He said he's been with this woman for just a year now, he's not in any rush.
Another phone caller said he's heard Pat saying good things about him in interviews before. Howard said that he knows that. He took a call from the guys in the back who were playing clips of Crazy Alice trying to get Pat to react to those. Pat couldn't really understand what was being said because he didn't have his hearing aid in. Howard told him not to worry about it because they were just tapes.
Howard told Pat that he was happy that he came in. Pat thought that he was kicking him out but Howard told him he was just finishing up. Howard said he had to move on to Andy Dick who was actually running a little late according to Gary. That led to them talking about the roasts that Pat has done recently. Pat said he's always asked to close these roasts for people like Jerry Lewis. He told Howard about how Paul Shaffer did a 25 minute thing at the roast and it was so boring that he got up and thanked him for doing that because it gave Jerry a chance to take a nap. He said those roasts drive him nuts and that's probably the reason he can't get it up.
Pat also revealed that he doesn't write down any jokes, he just makes it up as he goes along at the roast. He said that they expect him to go a little nuts at these roasts and that's just what he does. He said if they ever put those roasts on HBO he'd be rich.
Pat told Howard that he's very happy to be there today. Howard asked Artie if he believes that Pat doesn't write any jokes for roasts. Artie said he does that sometimes himself. Pat went off on Paul Shaffer again and said that he really drained the crowd that day.
Pat told another story about roasting Richard Pryor and how he asked him why he doesn't just die. He said he didn't mean to hurt the guy and Pryor knew that. He said that Richard came to him after the roast and gave him a hug and thanked him. Howard told Pat that he first got into Pat when he saw him roast Tom Snyder when he was younger. That got him interested in him but Pat said that it was Gary who found him and booked him on the show.
Pat told Howard that his show was about to go into the toilet with Andy Dick coming in next. He said that he saw Andy licking faces on the Shatner roast and he's not in his league. Howard thanked Pat for coming in and wrapped up but Pat was busy asking him why he doesn't eat something because he's too thin. Pat started to walk out but Howard told him to bring his girlfriend in next time he's on. He said he can get him laid if he brings her on the show. Pat left but was still on fire as he was leaving.
Robin said that was another great Pat Cooper appearance. Howard said he wasn't sure how it was going to go. Gary came in and said that Pat may be kind of freaked out by some of the stuff he talked about. Howard said they have to get him in there with his girlfriend. Gary told Howard that Andy Dick was there and he brought his son along with him. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said that the people at XM seem to be trying to bash him in the news to keep their subscriptions up and this news makes him feel very good about being there.
Howard said that he wanted to play a clip from Letterman last night where Andy was cut off when he tried to mention the Shit Show he had on Howard 101. Andy said that he really did shut him down with that. Andy brought the show up and Letterman said that they'd get to that in a minute... maybe. Andy said they didn't get to it after he cut him off. He's pretty sure that Dave wasn't too thrilled with the name of the show since it had the word shit in it.
Andy wanted to bring in his guitar player to play The Shit Show theme song but Howard asked him about his son who was also there with him. Andy said that he feels for his son who has to put up with all of this stuff he does. Andy's son Lucas came in a short time later so Howard asked him if it's tough to be the son of Andy Dick. Lucas said that it was kind of a shock when he found out certain things about him.
Lucas thanked his father for teaching him everything that he has. He said he's very happy about that. Howard said that Andy is a great talent but he can't imagine that he's a great father. Howard asked Lucas if it's tough to see his father making out with a guy and things like that. Lucas said that's just the type of guy he is. Andy told Howard that his son used his last name in school so he wouldn't have to grow up as a 'Dick.'
Andy was going off on Artie about being a fat fuck a little bit. He seemed to be upset with him about what was going on at the William Shatner roast. Howard told Andy about Artie's recent drug problems since he didn't know about it. He told him that he was back on Heroin for a while but he's back off of it now.
Howard asked Lucas if his father it's tough to deal with someone who is so out of control like his father appears to be. Lucas said that it is kind of an act that he puts on in public. He said that his father isn't a performer, he's a provocateur. He also said that he's not into dudes like his father is, he loves girls. He started to give out his phone number but Andy cut him off and said that he'd be getting calls from 60 year old guys in wheel chairs if he did that.
Andy told Howard that he and his son are very healthy right now but back when Lucas was about 17 years old, he came to him and told him that he had discovered pot. Andy said that he figured he wanted some advice so he had to tell him not to do it. Lucas pointed out that he does it so it must be okay. Andy pointed out that it's taken him down the road that he's followed so it's not good. Andy said he's been in rehab 7 times so it's not a good thing. Andy was folding clothes at the time and Lucas just stood there staring at him. That led to them smoking a bowl together.
Howard asked Lucas if his mother ever bad mouthed Andy. He said she never did and Andy said that she was great. Andy told Howard and Robin that he is clean and sober right now and not even smoking pot anymore. Howard found out that Lucas has a card to get legal weed out in California because he has problems... He was diagnosed with anorexia but he never had it. He said this doctor hooked him up out there.
Andy said that he wanted to visit his son more when he was growing up but Lucas didn't want him there. Andy said that he was there the whole time up until the age of 5 but then he got divorced. Lucas' mother took him to Portland, Oregon and he would visit once in a while.
Andy asked Howard why he played the interview that the Page Six reporter did with him at the William Shatner roast. Howard didn't know what he was talking about so Gary told him that they had the clip on his computer if he wanted to play it. Howard played some of the audio where Andy was acting a little bit out of control just rambling. He played another clip where Andy talked about what he had been drinking that night. He also said that he had a date with Farah Fawcett that night.
Howard asked Andy why he got mad at him for playing those clips. Andy said that it was an intimate interview and he didn't think it was going to turn into what it was. Andy read the notes he wrote about that woman and what he wrote to Howard after hearing that it was played on the air. He had Howard and the guys cracking up at what he wrote about him.
Andy said he ended up getting sober after the Shatner roast. He said that he's really sick of the whole thing and doesn't want to go back to doing any of that stuff. He said his life is different now because his son is living with him now.
Howard asked Andy about Wesley Snipes punching him when he used the N-word in front of him. Andy said he was joking around with a black friend of his when Snipes walked by and heard it. That led to him punching him out.
Howard read that Andy had fondled Pam Anderson's breasts at her roast in 2005. Andy said that was part of the bit he was doing and she knew that he was going to do it. Andy almost got up and left when he said he had to go to the bathroom. Howard told him to sit down because he had to ask Andy about the 19 year old girlfriend he has. He asked Lucas if that confuses him because he's 18 years old. Lucas doesn't seem to have a problem with it because he dated that chick himself. Howard wondered if that's a way to get back at his father.
Howard asked Lucas how he ended up fucking this 19 year old. He said he went to visit his father and this girl at her dorm room and one thing led to another... Howard asked Andy if he's ever had a man inside of him. Andy said that he's tried just about everything but he's never had a man inside of him. Howard asked him if he's ever had a man finish on his face. Andy said that's too much for him, he can't even stand the smell of his own cum. Howard asked him if he's ever swallowed. Andy said that hasn't happened either and he really wanted to go to the bathroom.
Howard gave Andy a plug for this movie ''Employee of the Month'' which is coming out soon. Gary came in around that time and said that his people were asking that he plug the movie since he was talking about all of that other stuff. Andy ran off to the bathroom so Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Lucas about banging this 19 year old. He said he went down to visit her and went to a couple of parties. He said that she liked being with his father and with him. He called his father and broke the news to him after it happened. He said he just came right out and told him that he had slept with this Jessica chick.
Howard asked Lucas if he slept with her after that one time. Lucas said it was just that time and now his father won't see her again either.
Andy came back in with his guitar player. He was going to perform a song about Jessica Simpson who he worked with in ''Employee of the Month.'' They went right into the song a short time later. Andy sang the song which was about Jessica and Nick Lachey and about how Andy would like to date her.
Andy was interrupted for a short time so Howard let him get back to the song. Andy continued to sing the Jessica song and basically sang about what his date would be like with him. Howard gave him a plug for the movie after that and then took some phone calls.
One caller told Andy how Awesome he is and how great his show was on Howard 101. He said that they should make sure that they keep him on the channel. That led to Andy performing The Shit Show theme song. Benjy came over and started licking Andy's face like Andy did on the Shatner roast. Andy said that his lick was all wet and he slobbered all over him. Benjy said he wanted to tie the whole show together by doing that. Howard told him to never do that again. He told him he's not allowed to do that stuff to guests. Andy didn't seem to mind it so Howard let it slide.
A phone caller said that Andy had performed a song about Chris Kattan on the old show but it got all chopped up. Andy tried to remember the words to the song but he couldn't remember them so he said he'd have it ready for the next time he's on. Andy said it's a great song so he will prepare for it next time.
Another caller asked Andy to perform the Vagina song but that wasn't his song. Howard said it turns out that Vagina song that he plays on the show was actually a Pig Vomit song. A woman called in and asked Andy to play the K-Mart song that he performed on Rosie O'Donnell's show.
Howard wrapped up with Andy and Lucas and also thanked his guitar player, Tim Walsh, for coming in. Howard asked Andy if he's funny in this movie. Andy said the movie is great and everyone is good. Howard asked Andy if he would rather bang his co-star Jessica Simpson or Dane Cook. Andy said that Dane is a great guy and he's never had a drink in his life. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said it was an exhausting day today and he didn't even get to a lot of stuff he wanted to. He said that Pauly Shore wanted to come in today but they had too many guests. He said he loves Pauly when he's on the show but they just couldn't fit him in. He's got a bunch of stuff he wants to talk to him about.
Howard said that he was very excited about the announcement that SIRIUS has so many subscribers already. He talked a little bit about the great stuff they have planned for the two channels. They have actually mapped out the next two years of specials they're going to create using the classic tapes. He said that they're going to have a two week special coming up eventually and that's going to be great.
A caller told Howard that he subscribed because of him. He also asked Howard if he could get Eddie Van Halen on the show again and find out what his plans are for Van Halen. Howard said he hasn't spoken to Eddie off the air but they do need another shot at him.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he got his portable Stiletto in the mail the other day and he's very happy with it. He said he took it out on a 4.5 mile walk this morning so he can try and lose some weight. He's over 400 pounds so he needs that and this Stiletto helped. Robin said she's been wearing her's all over the place as well and she loves hers.
Howard and Robin talked about the way the Stiletto works and how cool some of the features are. The caller said he was having a good time just walking and listening to the show on his unit. Artie has one as well so he showed the guys his. He said that it's pretty self-explanatory and very easy to use.
After the prank call replay Steve got to his news preview. He said they'll be talking about the 5.1 million subscriber mark that SIRIUS has reached. They're now predicting that SIRIUS will have 6.3 million by the end of the year. Steve also said that they will talk to Richard Roeper about his review of Artie's movie. They will also have a story about Robin being upset that the news department didn't cover the baby shower that she threw for Doug Goodstein's wife Marlo. Robin said he wasn't upset about it, she figured they never heard about it so she didn't tell them about it. Steve also said that Riley Martin's show is set to take off again soon so they'll be talking about that as well.
Howard went to Jon Hein who has a Wrap Up Show preview. He mentioned the Andy Dick interview as one of the subjects they'll be discussing today. They will also talk about Pat Cooper's return to the show. Jon said that they'll also talk about E.G. Daily's interview today on The Wrap Up Show. Howard had Robin start her news right after that.
Artie said that the watch that Howard gave to everyone on the staff is another expensive watch and that one cost about $5,000 according to what people have told him. Howard said he had those watches custom made for everyone and he doesn't remember how much it cost him.
Robin got back to her news but a short time later Howard took a call from a guy who said he loved the Eric the Midget cartoon that was on Howard TV last week. He also suggested that Kevin Lofton make even more cartoons based on the Eric the Midget franchise because that one was so great.
Ralph called in a little later and said that he thinks that it's a good idea for Artie to wear a nice watch because the other things he wears are so crappy. He said he wasn't trying to be insulting and really believes that having the nice watch is what guys like him need. Artie said that Ralph and his sister both think the same. Howard said he gets it because he goes out and buys nice things sometimes and it makes him feel good.
Howard read some e-mail after that. One guy wrote in about the Trojan vibrating condom because he saw it out there in a CVS pharmacy recently. Another person thought that the Bitter Half show is a scam and it doesn't actually exist. Howard said that the show does exist and it will be airing on October 18th.
Howard read a few e-mails about the Mr. T and Beetlejuice interview. A few people thought that was a great interview. There was also some feedback about JD getting laid by that Kimberly Kane chick. One guy said he was going to go out and shoot his penis after seeing how hot that chick was. There was some feedback about the JD techno music theme song. Howard said some people were upset that he's been doing commercials for FOX News. He said that he's watched that channel regularly for years and they have the right to advertise on his show if they want.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:05am.
Howard started off the show saying that he was sitting there laughing listening to phony phone calls. He said one of his favorites is this one where Sal calls a hair salon in Harlem and tells them that his wife is coming in for a pussy weave. He played the call and laughed a little more.
Howard said he finds that call very funny. He said he was listening to another one where Sal and Richard call a public access show with an Japanese woman hosting the show. Richard keeps saying hello and asking her how she's doing over and over again. Howard wondered why she has Simon and Garfunkle music playing in the background as she's trying to take those phone calls because it's hard enough for her to hear. He continued to play the call and goofed on the woman for having that music playing.
One of the hookers got on the phone and talked to Howard saying that they've been waiting all night for this to happen. She was ready to piss on him so Howard told her to be careful and not get any in his eyes. She said she's afraid to bang Beetlejuice but she will pee on him. She told Howard that she's actually not a hooker, she's a stripper so she won't be banging him for money. Howard had her put her friend on the line after that.
The other woman, who was an ex-stripper, said she wasn't going to be banging the chick. Her friend claimed that she looks like Angelina Jolie but Robin said she sounds like Blue Iris. Howard had her put Beet back on the line and asked him if he was going to do it now. Beetlejuice didn't know that the women weren't planning on banging him. He still thought that they were going to do it.
Howard told Beetlejuice to go ahead and do the pissing thing. One of the strippers got back on the line and said there were like 4 guys in the room and her friend. Howard wanted to know what the delay was so she handed the phone over to Sean again and said she was going to go pee on Beet. Sean got on and said that they're up in Buffalo for a gig at Club Diablo tonight. They did one last night and Beet gave his first tattoo.
Howard said this is quite a scene going on but he wasn't sure if there was much to hear. Then they heard the stripper saying that she was going and it was getting on Beet's dick. Beetlejuice got on the phone and said that he liked it. Howard had him put the stripper back on the phone.
Howard said it sounds like a demented, horrible, horrible nightmare up there. The stripper got back on and said she missed at first but did get a good 3 seconds of piss on him. She asked Beetlejuice if he could get hard doing that stuff. Beetlejuice said he could get hard for her. Howard told her he had to get going so he said goodbye and got off the phone.
Artie said he's done a lot of work up in Buffalo and a lot of ladies of the evening hang around the clubs up there and they have some really annoying accents.
Hook Nose Mike called in and said that he was listening to Bubba's show yesterday and they are some sick bastards. He was talking about some kind of sperm thing they're doing called Sperm Roulette. Howard said he heard that and it was a little too intense for him. Robin told Howard about some of the other stuff they were doing and how funny it was to her. They were all going to mix their sperm together and try to get a woman pregnant to see whose sperm was the strongest. Then they'd get the woman an abortion in the first tri-mester.
Robin filled Howard in on all of the details of this Sperm Roulette thing. They can't do the jerking off in their studio so Bubba may have to pull up his pick up truck so they can do that outside the studio.
Hook Nose Mike asked Howard to play the old song they used to play on the show called ''H O W A R D S T E R N.'' Gary came in and said that the band demands that they pay them for the song to be played on the show these days so he can't play it without opening up a whole nightmare.
Mike had asked Howard to play a prank call that Sal did when he got a call from a telemarketer. He played the part of a guy who was beating his dog in his apartment as he was talking to the telemarketer. They played that and then Howard let Mike go.
Robin told Howard about another story where they report that he beats Oprah as far as bringing in new subscribers. Howard said he knew that was going to happen because Oprah doesn't put out. He said that it's a very good day there and Scott Greenstein is thrilled with the news.
Robin said she saw a preview show that InHD runs on Friday nights. Doug told Howard that In Demand has a channel called InHD and they play the week in review show on that channel for free.
Eric the Midget called in to thank Howard for the movie premiere they sent him to. Howard didn't know who John Cena was but he's the star of the movie that Eric went to see. Eric said he got to meet him and a bunch of other people from the movie and the WWE. Howard asked Eric if John put him in his lap. Eric said he remained in his chair.
Howard said he has to talk to those guys about that and make them pick Eric up from now on. Eric isn't interested in having that done though. Howard asked him what the highlight of the night was. Eric said the movie was very good and getting to interview all of the people from the show was great. He said he did the interviews but his battery died at one point so he missed some of it. He said he didn't realize that he didn't have batteries in the tape recorder until right before the interview.
Eric said he also videotaped the interviews and that tape came out ''pretty good.'' He said he didn't ask any stupid questions, he just asked legitimate questions about their careers. He said they were normal questions. Robin said that he has to send them the video tape so they can check it out. Howard said they want to run that on Howard TV so he has to send them in.
Howard said he's glad that Eric had a good time there. He let him go and Fred played some of the buzzer sounds that they play for him when he calls in. Artie said it's funny how reluctant he is to thank them for stuff like that.
Sumner was saying that he's not sure that SIRIUS can afford to pay Howard Stern the amount of money they're paying him. Howard said that the deal has already paid for itself. Sumner didn't even know that Howard was at SIRIUS, he said it was XM. He also said that XM does better than SIRIUS but that wasn't true either.
Howard talked about how Sumner Redstone seems to get upset when people leave the company and he starts bad mouthing them. Howard said that this is the same guy who was bad mouthing Tom Cruise when they parted ways a couple of months ago.
Howard predicts that SIRIUS will hit it's sales goals and the satellite business will have 30-40 million subscribers in just a few years. He said that Sumner is the kind of guy who sends his friends copies of newspapers when he's featured in them. He has to show off to his buddies.
Howard said that he and Sumner had a very short discussion when he was leaving and he never told the guy he was coming back to terrestrial radio. The guy can't even get XM and SIRIUS straight in his head.
Suzanne said that she'll be doing some parades this month as Vlad the Impaler. Howard asked her if she has a boyfriend right now. She told Howard ''No comment'' and didn't want to talk about her personal life. She did say that she has one nephew but she doesn't see him much because he lives so far away. Howard asked her about her parents but she didn't want to talk about that. Howard said he just wanted to know if she's happy. She said that she is but he said she sounds sad to him.
Howard said it seems that this life Suzanne has chosen is a very sad life. He asked her about any pets she might have. She does have a cat. Suzanne said that she was kind of born a cat under the sign of Leo the lion. She said she doesn't really believe in that stuff, someone just pointed it out to her.
Suzanne said she had something important to say so Howard let her go ahead with that. Suzanne said that she's gotten a lot of positive e-mails in the past month or so and she's very happy about that. She said she's not happy about the e-mail she's gotten in the past where people tease her about what she does. Suzanne said that ''Stern'' used to tease her years ago and people still give her a hard time when she does events.
Howard said it sounds like things are turning around for her but she said that there are still people out there who give her a hard time. Howard told her that's because some people seem to think that her act is a goof. He said even if she wasn't on his show she may have still experienced that type of behavior.
Howard said he had a guy who might be interested in her and wondered if she was interested in dating. She said she's not interested. She just wanted to plug this stuff she wanted to plug. The documentary about her life is going to be playing at the Coney Island Film Festival this weekend. The movie is called ''My Life as an Underdog'' and she has approved of this movie.
Howard wondered if Suzanne is getting paid for this movie. She said she's not so Howard and Robin tried to convince her that she should be getting paid. She said that it keeps her name out there and she's not looking to make money from it. She just wants to keep her name out there apparently. She didn't want anything to do with this guy that Howard was trying to push on her.
Suzanne said that she can't go to the film festival this weekend because she has to take her cat to get a rabies shot. That's more important than her movie being featured at a film festival. Howard told Suzanne that she should have a man because she deserves happiness. Suzanne said that there are other ways of being happy and she doesn't need to date. She also said that she doesn't want kids of her own. Howard said that's too bad because she'd make a good mother. He said that she seems to be in good shape and she seems to be a very loving woman with upstanding morals.
Howard wondered if Suzanne was wearing her costume. She said she was wearing civilian clothes. Howard said he remembers her having nice legs. She said that's because her costume called for it. He said that he kind of got turned on by her back when he first saw her many years ago. He said he had some dirty thoughts about her back then. Gary told Howard that she usually goes out for a walk at this time of day so she does care about her health.
Howard asked Suzanne if she would ever consider breast implants. She said she can't afford it and she would have to think about whether or not it would be worth the risk. Howard said it would be nice if she had big breasts because Underdog should have nice ''teets.'' That upset Suzanne and she said that the profane language is what upsets her. She said she's not interested in the implants. Howard told her she'd look spectacular with them.
Howard asked Suzanne how big her breasts were. She gave a sigh and didn't answer. She seemed to be very uptight about the whole subject so Howard moved on. He said it's too bad that she's not interested in dating a man. Howard wondered if she was burned by men in her life. Suzanne said she never had anything like what they were talking about and she's never even been with a man. She's a virgin but she didn't want to talk about that. She just wanted to get plugs for her movie being played at the Coney Island film festival. She got in a plug for the web site where you can find out more... MyLifeAsAnUnderdog.com.
Howard asked Suzanne if her parents had a happy marriage. Suzanne wanted them to leave her family out of this. She kept sighing and didn't want to talk about dating and kissing men. Howard asked her if she was sexually abused as a child. She didn't answer so Howard assumed that she had been. Maybe that's why she has become this super hero character. Suzanne seemed to be freaking out that they were going into these topics so she just asked for more plugs for this film festival thing.
Howard told Suzanne that Robin admitted to having used meats and vegetables to pleasure herself and he wondered how Suzanne could never have done that. She asked that they please not go there. Gary asked Suzanne if she has any love for any men. Suzanne said that her high school health teacher pretty much convinced her that she shouldn't have any sexual relationships with anyone before they're in a long term relationship. She said that it would be considered improper back then. Howard told her that she's an adult now and that type of thing doesn't apply to her now.
Howard asked her if she's ever even thought about what it would be like to touch herself down there. She said she hasn't had those feelings. She said that she didn't want to go there and seemed to want to get off the subject. She got in another plug for the movie.
Howard told Suzanne that he had good news for her. He had Dr. Sal Calabro on the phone and he wanted to talk to her. Dr. Calabro said that he would be willing to give her breast implants. Suzanne said that she's not interested and she wasn't considering it. She said she's big enough already. Dr. Calabro offered her some liposuction as well. Howard said he thought she was thin but she said she has gained some weight. She said she's getting older and still gaining weight. Howard told her that Dr. Sal could help her out with that and help her lose a few pounds.
Howard told Suzanne that he's 52 years old and he weighs 187 pounds and he's 6'5'' tall. He told her that she may need to just walk faster. She said she had enough at that point and just wanted to get off the phone. She was still upset by the discourteous hecklers that bother her at the events she participates in. She said she's been going through that for the past 14 years and she's tired of it. She got in one more plug for her movie and then hung up on him. Howard said that they won't hear from her for the next 5 years. Gary gave him credit because that was probably the longest they've ever had her on the phone. They lasted 19 minutes.
Benjy told the guys that he's not sure how many times he's cried but he may have been upset about Howard telling him he didn't belong there or something. Benjy isn't thrilled that everyone paid so much attention to Artie when he cried recently but he gets ignored completely. Artie said he loves Benjy and he has seen him get choked up when Howard cuts off his mic and stuff like that. He didn't want to acknowledge it on the air though.
Lisa G got back to her list of stories and got in a plug for the Superfan Roundtable and mentioned some of the stuff they have coming up on that show. The show airs at 7pm on Howard 101. Howard went to break after that.